NationStates Jolt Archive

Matchday 5 results (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14580037&postcount=7)

Woodstock Daily Mail

Stars finally break through

By Travis West
Daily Mail Staff Writer

The streak is over.

After four matches that saw the Sarzonian national football team generate three goals and only one standings point, the team finally broke through with a well played 2:0 win that did a world of good for the team's spirits.

"It was great to finally get a win, and to do so in front of our supporters at [Bryan Marshall Memorial Stadium]," said goalkeeper Cody Taylor. One match after he was benched for the second half of Sarzonia's 5:0 loss away to Cafundéu, he turned aside six shots to register his second clean sheet of the tournament.

For the Stars (1-1-3, four points), the win doesn't vault them into qualifying position. They're still seven points behind both Cafundéu and Yafalonia and Bazor 2 and 12 points behind group 8 leading Sorthern Northland.

But Sarzonia's players weren't worried what the table dictated after last night. The team's win ahead of an away fixture to unranked Noasahi before closing the first half of World Cup qualifying home to Terreiro de Ogum. For now, the Stars will savor a surprisingly rare win.

They'll savor Matt Lynch's breakthrough performance (two goals) and a return to the starting 11 of George Morrison. They'll also celebrate the return of Tim Rodney to a significant substitute's role after he and Morrison were both benched following a sex scandal involving the two players.

For his part, Lynch said the scandal was behind the team.

"We're ready to play football and not worry about those distractions," he said. "Obviously, the two men made a mistake, they've done their penance. Now it's time for us to get back to doing our jobs."

When asked what the mistake was, Lynch didn't elaborate, saying "now isn't the time to discuss it." However, forward Reese Nichols was more direct.

"If they wanted to do something like that, they should have done so in a hotel room," he said. "I don't care who does what as long as they do it behind closed doors."

Nichols shrugged when a reporter asked him if post match showers would be "a problem" after the controversy.

"Why would it?" he asked. "I've had openly gay teammates before. Doesn't bother me any."

In other news, the Stars announced that former forward Kevin Wilson was hired as a second assistant manager. Kevin Wilson is the younger brother of Stars manager Brian Wilson.

"He approached us and said he wanted to help the team," Brian Wilson said. "He'll help us with our offence while [assistant manager] Chris Hannan concentrates on the defence. It'll allow me to handle more of the overall direction of the side."

Saint Nash Courier
If you haven't heard it before, It's News to you!
SPORTS
The McLaughlin Islands fall short.

The McLaughlin Islands had a great game plan against Qazox, load up on defenders. That plan only worked for all but 4 minutes before Angel Kenworthy and Matilda Swords ended that idea with goals just 4 minutes apart in the 35th and 39th minutes. But the TMI plan for the most part worked, as most every Qazoxian attack was snuffed out before it could score.

On the other side, Marc Klick could have slept through the match, and still have faced the same number of shots on net, which was zero. Zero, as in Zilch, nada, None. That's right, The McLaughlin Islands had NO shots on net all game long.

So the win improves Qazox to 4-0-1 in qualifying and are still tied for 1st overall with Bears Armed and Kosovoe. Dancougar was held to a stunning draw at the Invisible Rabbits 0-0.


Scoring Summary:
Qazox:
Angel Kenworthy (6): 35'
Matilda Swords (4): 39'

The McLaughlin Islands:
NONE

Purple Knights Take Group Lead

Another game up on the schedule and another hard fought win for the Knights. They easily defeated the Achtervolging squad keeping it close at 1-0. They now take the group lead after a few losses around the league and now they at 4-0-1 lead the group over Cassadaigua and Daehanjeiguk. The Group looks like it will be a hard fought endless parade of wins and losses as four possibly five teams if Greal gets back up to form are vying for those 3 qualification spots.

In a time of hardships all over our great nation at least one thing is consistent, in Yesterdays game Brian Ying Uings scoring foot was ever consistent with the winning goal of the game and Tad Montague and his ageless defensive teammates kept off the endless pursuit of the tieing goal. Ying Uing scored the goal in the 40th minute of an assist by Hele. The team easily continued to handle the game and toyed with the Volgers throughout.

Hellispont Times-Herald
Cavemen stone Wombat comeback

A 4-1 game at the half turned into a 4-4 tie with 7 minutes remaining, but Ug-Ug of The Holy Empire send the wombats back to reality with a goal in the 89th minute in a 5-4 Green wombat loss.

Dug-Ug and Bug-Ug got the home side on the board early in the 5th and 9th minutes, as the wombats struggled to adjust to the rockballs. Head coach Jason Chalmers formally protested to the referee, a monk fromt he Archregimancy, who promptly declared the right of the home team to choose the balls.

After allowing a 3rd goal in the 17th minute, to Hug-Ug; Chalmers had seen enough and sent in the back-up keeper Helen Chadwick. Chadwick promptly gave up a goal to Bug-Ug in the 28th minute and it was 4-0 THE. But just before half-time, Pug-Ug and Mug-ug were distracted by a shiny coin that somehow appeared on the pitch and that allowed John Daig to score int he 44th minute.

When the wombats came out from halftime, they all were wearing either a shiny bracelet, a shiny neacklace or a mirror and that plan worked. But the deficit was too great and not all the cavemen were distracted by the shiny objects. 2 goals from Nathan Amun (57th and 69th minutes) and a 83rd minute goal from Brianna Sracky tied it up at 4-4.

But then clouds appeared over the stadium, denying the sunshined reflections and Ug-Ug took advantage send one past Chadwick in the 89th minute. The referee's whistle blew soon after that.

So the wombats head home to take on Allemenschen.

Blue Tornado Continue On Tear

And add another win to the column in the standings. The Blue Tornado took down the team from the far off land of Bushdome 3-0 in yet another highscoring game were the other team go behind and then fell farther behind and so on. the Bushies never had a chance as the Tornado put 3 up on them, but made sure to keep enough of the players back to stop the young team from being able to score on them. The game was always in the blance and anbody watching could tell were it was going.

The Tornado took an early lead on the game and grasped that lead all day long. Ossi Euro would open the scoring up with a header in the 14th minute that put an everlasting on top effect into the game. Then Angel Kenssington took a Jamie Barry pass into a hole on the Bushdome side of the game and found the back of the net with a nice scissored kick. The final goal came when Euro found Barry streaking into the center and the Bushdome Gaolie was caught out in front of the defnders and Barry smashed it to fast for anyone to even think about defending it. The Tornado would walk away tired, but with another win.

Dancougar News!!
Today's coaching advice brought to you by Arsene Wenger.

Wings dull in wild kingdom warmup: Just when it appeared that Dancougar were back on the right track, they were the only team among the top four not to take full points from matchday five. Luke Brengle faced only three shots in the match but the Dancougar offense was unable to crack through the tight defense of Invisible Wabbits, who treated their likewise invisible home supporters to a scoreless draw.

The tournament that was supposed to unveil a more carefree, attacking Dancougar Black Wings has been a big disappointment. They're scoring fewer goals per game than in the previous qualifying tournament and haven't been able to settle into Shigeru Takeuchi's gameplan. The team has historically played well with a five-man midfield, but this time they can't seem to click, and have performed better in a more standard 4-4-2.

"We're obviously frustrated," said Takeuchi. "We know we're not performing up to our full potential, or to our billing. We're making life very difficult for ourselves."

Against the whimsical wabbits, the Wings had to resort to the most basic tactics, long balls and brute force attacks that got nowhere against the walled defense of the hosts. They looked foolish as they struggled to adapt to their opponents' strategy and seemed completely unprepared for this level of football. It wasn't particularly fast-paced or even skillful, but it was sneaky. Tricky. You might even say loony.

Even Lyle Dylandy found his hands full in the midfield attempting to mark Norris W. McWabbit. Or was it Ross W. McWabbit? Both players wore identical jerseys, the same name and number on the back, and they ran circles around him for the first ten minutes of the game playing keep-away. Dylandy found himself chasing McWabbit down, only to find he'd passed it back to McWabbit. Dylandy would then turn to challenge for the ball and only watch it get chipped over his tackle to McWabbit, who would pivot while juggling the ball in midair before dropping off another short pass to McWabbit.

"It was maddening," said Dylandy. "Eventually I had to get Dwayne [Landro] to come over and help me, because it didn't immediately register that there were two of them. I didn't think they could wear the same number!"

Stefan Rosberg attempted to make up for time off by making an immediate impact, but attempts to dribble through the defense were met with frustration. He tried to guess based on the location and orientation of the shirts as to where the defenders actually were, but occasionally he would stumble over nothing and lose the ball. There was no evidence of wabbit holes or tunnels under the pitch - a favorite tactic of theirs - although the close proximity of shirt pairs suggested that one wabbit would strip off his kit and another would dangle the shirt in another location, fooling attackers into thinking he was actually somewhere else.

The Wabbits were content to play for the draw, although they did put the Wings through a harsh spell just before halftime. The ten-minute siege produced two of their three shots on goal and was set entirely to classical music played over the stadium loudspeaker. Takeuchi attempted to complain to the fourth official but was ignored and told to leave the technical area. Brengle was forced to make saves from Bobby Bunn and from Peter Bunn... no relation. One was a spectacular effort to head the ball out of the penalty area after he found his arms pinned between Casey Berber and one of the many McWabbits.

"The music was actually getting good and I got caught up in the moment," said Brengle. "I committed to the ball and had to do something to get it out of there, so I gave them a taste of my magic helmet."

With scoring chances coming at a premium, Takeuchi made an offensive change by swapping the ineffective Rosberg for Karen Stadler. Stadler hadn't been on the pitch for a minute, though, before she was red carded and sent off. She attempted an overlapping run down the right side of the field and chased a ball into the corner, preparing to take James Usagi one-on-one. Usagi's shirt floated closer and closer as she juked, looking for an opening.

Nobody is quite sure what happened next, but cameramen behind the goal area caught the events as they unfolded. Usagi and Stadler appeared to have locked up as she fought for space, but the two came to a dead stop. Stadler's face turned bright red and she grabbed Usagi's shirt and tossed him to the pitch in a rage. The linesman was forced to hold her back from further throttling the defender, who held up a single flower and pretended to be dead. Even without the play-acting, it was clear that Stadler had to go. Dancougar would play the last 25 minutes with ten.

"All of a sudden, I hear this really raunchy 'Hellllllo nurse' come out of him, and next thing I know there's these big fuzzy lips on my... aaaaugh!" Stadler said after the game, shuddering as she told her version of the sequence. "Someone at the international board has to do something to make sexual assault a bookable offense!"

The referee put an end to Dancougar's misery by blowing the whistle somewhere between fifteen and twenty times before announcing the end of the game to all folks in attendance.

Bear-Belles beckon befuddled ballers: As if photon-bending cartoon wabbits weren't enough, the Dancougar Black Wings will continue their mammalian odyssey against the ursines of Bears Armed. It will be the second-ever meeting between the two after World Cup 44's group stage draw, but the Belles will not be looking at this as a real away game. They're intimately familiar with Yuki City thanks to their Baptism of Fire exploits, and the National Stadium was the site of their 3-2 victory over Peisandros.

The game will also mark the debut of Ye Olde Baptifm of Fire Merchandife, a challenge cup that was originally created for the post-qualifying friendly that will serve as the third match between the teams in this cycle. The trophy operates like the Bird on Skates, going to the winner of the match or the visiting team in case of a draw.

"I don't think we need a made-up trophy to motivate us for this game," said coach Shigeru Takeuchi. "The players know where we sit in the standings and they know we have a five game road stretch that will probably determine how we spend next summer."

Honestly, Takeuchi should use whatever motivation he can get. Rumors are flying around that a loss or draw against the bears will spark a search for his replacement. And the lineup he's announced for the game suggests that he is, despite what he says, worried about his chances. He's playing it safe by going with a 4-5-1, hoping to use the numbers in his own half of the field to mark the bears closely and deny them the chance to build up any speed on the attack. He's playing more defensive midfielders than usual, and young speedster Stefan Rosberg is the only forward. He'll look for the lightning counterattacks that are the most effective tactic against the bears.

Starting XI: Brengle; Heath, Berber, Cecilia, Samrov; Chojnacki, Dylandy, Hayashi, Landro, Voronzoff; Rosberg
Substitutes: Komavor; Bogart, Edrington, Sakuraba; Florentino, McNespy; Dennin

Dancougar News!! got to get the heck up outta here: SPRRRRRING BREAAAAK!! YEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHH!

Yes, we may be professionals now, but we at the Dancougar News!! are always looking for excuses to break out and have a good time. To this end, we have announced that we'll be operating on a skeleton staff for the next week while those of us who pull the weight enjoy some undeserved rest and relaxation.

Of course, we're not going to go to the beach and pick up chicks. Naw, that's for people who occasionally crack the blinds in their apartment. We're going to go see pandas and really old airplanes. It's a good team-building exercise. Besides, we used up all of our alcohol while writing the previous issues.

The television networks, in solidarity with Dancougar News!!, will also be cutting back on the team's coverage, so one can expect the overall level of reporting out of Dancougar to fall dramatically. But we are confident that the team will continue to underperform and give us an excuse to continue broadcasting old reruns of Seigi no Senshi Blastizer.

OOC point: Any Qazox RP DIRECTLY involving Statham takes place in Qazoxian year 1952, while the Cup RP's themselves are in 1954...

NSWC Headquarters, Rêvane, Arridia;
Just outside a courtroom...

Marc Statham: Do you think that the rule you found could work? If not, then the QFA is screwed.

QFA Lawyer: I think so, sir. But since it was a very obscure rule, it might not.

Marc Statham: But there's nothing to counteract it in the rulebook is there?

QFA Lawyer: Nothing we could find.

Marc Statham: Has anyone seen or mentioned who is suing us yet?

QFA Lawyer: Not as far as I know. Who have you narrowed it down to?

Marc Statham: Offically, I have no idea, personally, either Bostopia, thier king is a loony and might be doing this for a laugh, or Liverpool England.

QFA Lawyer: Liverpool England? Why them, they technically don't exist any more, right?

Marc Statham: Well the LEFA and the QFA have never really gotten along and besides, it would be just like those limey bastards. They've always been threatened by, in their opinion, newbie nations who could supplant them as a dominant team. I think once they tried to nuke Az-cz after the Gnomes won back-to-back cups, and I have no idea what they did to ESF, but ESF was so scarred they had to change their name. God knows what they'll do to us, if they are behind this and they lose.

QFA Lawyer: I hope to never find out.

Marc Statham: Well here goes nothing.

<Statham and the Lawyer enter the courtroom....>

(ooc2: LE/Liventia.. Nothing personal, just an IC opinion from a fictional character...)

Prux@WC45.com
Adverts prepare for Frenchies with a win

The Adverts made it back-to-back wins with a 2-0 defeat of Akbarabad. Jolly had both goals, as Prux was never seriously challenged in the match, which saw the debut of Snap, Crackle and Pop in the defense. Despite thier vertically challenged heights, the sight of 3 midgets running around in the backfield was enough to throw the Akbarabad team in convultions of laughter.

But it wasn't all fun and games as Count Chocula broke his left ankle, tripping over Pop while trying to defend a corner kick. The Count, at least, will miss the next 2 matches; and Frito Bandito will take his place in the starting line-up for the next match.

Up next for the Adverts a trip back home to face Septentrionia.

Prux World Cup 45 Qualifying Schedule:

(all Home Matches to be played the hopefully completed Griffin Stadium in Pawtucket, Prux, Capacity 67,500, Pics not available at this time.)
@ Ierissos D 1-1
vs. Rymeria W 5-3
@ Milchama L 1-2
vs. Govindia W 6-1
@ Akbarabad W 2-0
vs. Septentrionia
@ Arroza
vs. Ierissos
@ Rymeria (somewhere in Space, probably)
vs. Milchama
@ Govindia
vs. Akbarabad
@ Septentrionia
vs. Arroza
(RECORD 3-1-1)



Meet a Pruxian (Part 3 of an 12-part Series)

Helena Baskett, ESPN
Pic: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/2/20/Margaret_Thatcher.png/220px-Margaret_Thatcher.png
Age: 62
Sex: Female
Occupation: Mayor of ESPN

3 Questions with Michelle Redman:

Q1: So, Helena, how is it being the 1st female mayor in Prux?

A: A lot more work than I thought it would be. I'm up almost 17 hours a day working.

Q2: What does your husband do?

A: Pete is the vice-president of PETCO. (Prux Exported Turnip COmpany)
(Pete's pic: )
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/4/40/John_Major_1996.jpg/250px-John_Major_1996.jpg

Q3: Wierdest job you ever had?

A: I once worked as a Pawtucket Patriot beer girl in college. You would't believe the weird stuff that happens at the annual Free-Beer Day.
Ed note: This year's free beer day will be May 12th.

(ooc: No, the pics aren't supposed to be the same, or else the joke wouldn't work. A happy point for the reasoning behind the 2 pics I am using for each posting... and yes this running gag will last as long as I last in the World Cup or someone determines the reason (please no guesses until after MD10!)

Greali World Cup Qualifying Schedule
MD1: Greal VS Daehanjeiguk (2-2)
MD2: Greal VS Candelaria And Marquez (2-3)
MD3: Greal VS Mo Land 3 (4-0)
MD4: Greal VS Achtervolging (1-1)
MD5: Greal VS Cassadaigua (1-0)
MD6: Greal VS Taeshan
MD7: Greal VS Albundania
MD8: Greal VS Daehanjeiguk
MD9: Greal VS Candelaria And Marquez
MD10: Greal VS Mo Land 3
MD11: Greal VS Achtervolging
MD12: Greal VS Cassadaigua
MD13: Greal VS Taeshan
MD14: Greal VS Albundania


Greal denies Cassadaigua their fifth victory

In a shocking victory, the Greali won narrowly over Cassadaigua after one of the greatest matches ever played. The match seesawed with both sides taking possession of the ball, but both sides were pulling off some fantastic saves. Howard Anderson in the 78th minute evaded the defenders and scored. The Greali TV viewers became very anxious as forwarders from Cassadaigua narrowly scored, but as the game counted down, the cars in Sasha seemed to have all stopped to hearing the final score count on the radio. The match ended 1-0. Ross Trent says this victory will make Greal a potential threat now, as teams badly want to qualify for WC45. Next match is against Taeshan.


Greal 1
Howard Anderson (78')

Cassadaigua

In other matches...

Taeshan won 1-0 over Achtervolging to take the top spot of the group.

Mo Land 3 won 3-0 over Albundania.

The Han Empire won 2-1 over Candelaria And Marquez.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

"A victory, finally some good news." said Jeff, looking relived.

"The worst isn't over. We've got Taeshan tomorrow." said Brain, his expression not changing.

"I bet a win. Outright." said Ross.

"Draw." said Brian.

"Narrow win." said Jeff.

"Outright win." said Ethan.

"I'm not betting today." said Ross.

"Really?" asked Ethan, looking horrified.

"Yes. I'm busy tomorrow. Call me the moment tomorrow match is over."

"Will do boss." said Brian.

Jeruselem Goverment News

Princesses ready for Ad'ihan challenge

With Patetopia turning up at Dazza Dallas Stadium and going home defeated, the Princesses are in good stead for the next game. Jeruselem won TWO NIL but wasn't stretched anyway as Dazza Stadium is the castle of Jeruselem in football terms. Teams who play Jeruselem there tend to lose and only the best like the Elves beat them at home.

Princess Marie was missing today but wasn't ready needed. Relative Celina Sadie Dallas took over as leader today as she was the former Captain of Jeru FC before. Sadie measured up and lead the team to another win. Coach Ryan Greenly said Marie had to tend to some motherly duties today as the usual nanny Matilda Dallas was filming an episode of Top Gear Jeruselem.

The Jeruselem defense was solid with an outstanding performance from Oksana "Pups" Ferris today. She's proving the new Jacinta Sallad of the team. The attack was wasteful and missed some easy chances but the Patetopians had to answer in the end. Team captain Sadie Dallas said
"We didn't play at our best today but we didn't need to. we've got a perfect record to far but we've had mostly home games. This is our biggest game next. Playing in some cold horrible place in ZwangZug against Ad'ihan is not going to be easy. We'll need all hands on deck."

Coach Ryan Greenly said
"Well, the top 3 in Group 10 are travelling well. It's looking like a battle for the top spot currently held by us. Winning this game is really important, as the top 3 teams are all good. They are all winning, and well it makes it easier to qualify actually."

Princess Marie appeared finally with the two kids
"The kids won't be going to ZwangZug. I don't them to freeze to death in those mountains. I'm leaving the kids with Mum. She loves kids like we all do. I'm ready for the next game. I've got rid of this baby fat and I've got my match fitness back. I'm not at my best yet but I'm getting my football form. I'll be scoring a lot of goals soon but the team have been doing good."

Crown Prince Henry de Lusignan (the future King Henry II of Jeruselem) attended the game
"I'm proud of my team. Hopefully one day, one of my relatives will hold up the Holy Grail of football - the World Cup. I know we missed out during World Cup 32 but I'm sure with talent like this in our team we can do it. Throwing money at football is not waste of time. I'm not saying this because my mother is a Dallas. I wish I could play football like my mother and grandmother but sadly the talent skipped me. God thing I've got other relatives to do the job."

http://img134.imageshack.us/img134/7993/dailyturkjo0.png
Koseli Cumhuriyetler 4–0 Forn Parts
Turks Romp To Second Place.
The Turks are in second place after their convincing 4-0 win over Forn Parts in a game that has set them back on the route to qualification. The game started badly for the Turks as Forn Parts battered the defense over and over only the brilliance of Orhan kept them out. The Turks regrouped and pounded the Forn Parts goal, however equal briliance from their keeper kept Gokhan out from pointblank range. Despite the resurgence from the Turks in the new Uzumcu Stadi the teams went in level.

The Turks came out of the tunnel intending to start the second half as they finished the first and thisa determined stance paid off as Gokhan scored 3 in twenty minutes in the 46th 50th and 64th respectively all from corners. The Turks could and should have scored again but Oktay squandered his chance. Oktay had found a rich vein of form against Jeru FC with two goals. It was left to Erdem to round off the scoring with a 35 yard screamer that caught the keeper of guard.

The Turks are second ahead of their game against Secristan who are the Turks main rivals for a qualification spot.

The Big Eleven

Every year, the action gets faster, the hits get harder and the talent gets better. To keep you somewhat in the know, we've decided to (try) and bring about a list of the top 11 players this World Cup to make what we consider to be the ultimate team.


Goalkeeper

Whilst every position is a bit of a struggle to fill, especially with the variety of nations and players on offer, the goalkeeper is probably the hardest there is. Without the goalkeeper, well, you've just got an open net. It'd be just like playing Bostopia. Dead easy. Now, the obvious choices are the keepers still with clean sheets.

So we're gonna’ go with those.

Roll up Dacil Taniquentar of Starblaydia and Francisco Kardec of Cafundéu.

Now, Taniquentar is the oldest Elf to make an appearance for Starblaydia yet, but he's probably also one of the fastest keepers in the cup. His reflexes are phenomenal, and he's probably one of the main reasons Starblaydia managed to win the World Cup in its last rendition. Needless to say, this elf is an inspiration for all young keepers in the world, no matter what race they may be.

Kardec, on the other hand, is only human. In recent times, this has become more and more obvious. He may have the heart of a lion when he plays, but he's now a year over thirty, and his lack of physical condition is beginning to show. He's kept Cafundéu's sheet clean for the moment, but how much longer he'll last in this competition is uncertain. And for that reason, the honour must go to...

Dacil Taniquentar

__________


Defence

But, of course, what is a goalkeeper without their defence? To suffer a constant barrage of shots just because there is no one between you and your attacker is enough to wear any keeper down to the point that the match is ending 15-0 and your family's already disowning you as a disgrace to your nation.

So, let's hear it for the boys in the backfield. We're picking four from the world (because we're simple people and we're sticking to the 4-4-2 for this Big Eleven), and it's a pretty tough job considering the number of lads and lasses we had to shift through. But we think we've got it down to a tea.

Hizzen Hocn, Louisa Logan, Father Dmitri the Healer, Tomprism Solivasas

Hocn, playing for Valanora, is one of the calmest souls in the game. His safe style of playing doesn't mean he's not afraid of taking on the opposition though, and as one of the best defenders in one of the best teams, I think it's obvious he deserves to be in this list. And if we have one calm soul in the backfield, surely the likes of a priest couldn't hurt too? Hence good ol' Dmitri's name gracing the list. And although we predict Dmitri might have some problems working alongside Logan, we still reckon the Starblaydian captain would be a crucial piece of the defensive jigsaw. Her tough tackling style and tactical mind mean she'd be a pretty good compliment to the complacent Dmitri and Hocn, whereas the mature Solivasas of Vephral will no doubt bring a level headed yet determined spirit to the game.

__________


Midfield

Aah, and now we come to the all-rounders. Whether they're working the backfield, pushing forwards or just running the wings, the midfielders are the essential bridge between the defence and the attack. They can be what make a defence click into position, or the bunch that makes that game-winning goal work. They are the everymen of football.


Espy va Drake, Alexei Voronzoff, Carlos Marossi, Marcos Durvaldi Paquetá

With va Drake working his magic on the outside, Voronzoff powering through the centre, Marossi firing the ball along to any open team mate and Paquetá bringing a youthful brilliance to the midfield, I don't see why this combination wouldn't knock over any opposition. The only downsides are Voronzoff and Marossi's age, and the fact that Paquetá is hopeless when it comes to knocking the ball with his head.

__________


Attack

The boys at the frontline, the players whose sole purpose is to get that ball in the back of the opposition's net. They need finesse, power, flair and, most importantly, a good connection with whoever their working with up front. If you can rely whole heartedly on your fellow striker to back you up when the going gets tough, you know you're onto a winning combination.

And what combination hasn't stood the test of time than a typical Krytenia/Starblaydia mix'n'match?

Darren Scotland, Valrauncion

The arrogance of Valrauncion will no doubt clash with Scotland's ego somewhat, but the Krytenian's keen eye for the net and the Elf's passing prowess means that, if the two could get on, they could become not just a crucial part of the scoring game, but also of the playmaking in the midfield.

http://i488.photobucket.com/albums/rr245/SorthernNorthland/SNpaper.png

Arrest disrupts Cafundéu preparations

Sorthern Northland's start to the World Cup 45 qualifying campaign has been their best to date, with the team team winning all five of the first five games, putting them top of Group Eight and with the joint highest goals scored of all the teams in the competition. However the real test will start in the next two games, which see the Sortherners host Cafundéu, ranked third in the world, before travelling to the always dangerous Yafolonia And Bazor 2.

The Cafundéu match is one of several interesting plot lines, with SN yet to lose or draw a match, and having the joint highest scoring record in qualifying. However, of teams currently topping the tables the Sorthern team also has the worst defence. Cafundéu on the other hand has yet to concede a goal, and is also unbeaten. Quite simply, something has to give way on matchday six in the James Connolly Stadium.

Sorthern preparations for the match though, took a turn for the worse, when upon the teams flight back from a 2-1 away win in Terreiro de Ogum, team manager, Merginn Moffat found himself arrested for what police have described as “sober and disorderly behaviour”. The news is one that has shocked a nation where lasting an entire plane flight sober is almost unheard of. Perhaps even more surprising, is that Moffat, someone who was originally employed for being a bit of “Sorthern type” person, has been arrested on charges of sober and disorderly behaviour.

The scandal of the national football manager being arrested on charges of being sober is likely to hit a squad already reeling from the news that centre-back Patrick Mills has a pet duck in Cafundéu hard. The breaking of that particular story saw a mass cry of outrage from the population of a country so recently attacked by a mass army of swans, ducks, and geese, and also caused a near media blackout that has meant little to no coverage of the World Cup thus far. Mass panic buying of toilet paper was also reported in the immediate aftermath of the story breaking.

Police are permitted to keep Moffat in custody for a total of seventy two hours, and if they do so, he will still be in custody for the important game against Cafundéu. In the event of Moffat being unavailable for the match, Sorthern Northland's Arrozan assistant manager Ross Gaynor is expected to take charge of the team for the match. They do however remain some concerns over whether Gaynor will be in a fit state to manage the team, as he has been left in a largely unconscious state following the recent growth of “The World Cup Drinking Game” in Sorthern Northland. Most Sortherners though have reported effects of sobering up, due a decrease in the amount of alcohol drunk during World Cup matches.

World Cup 45 Qualification - Group 2
PRQ: 1-3@ Newmanistan [32] (@ Putnam Lake Stadium, Putnam Lake - ???)
MD1: 2-2 @ Greal [43] (@ who knows where?)
MD2: 1-0 @ Taeshan [31] (@ %$#^)
MD3: 2-0 @ Albundania [UNK] (@ here?)
MD4: 2-3@ Cassadaigua [50] (@ pink!)
MD5: 2-1 vs Candelaria And Marquez [15] (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong - 150,000)
MD6: @ Mo Land 3 [141] (@ gemme moland!)
MD7: vs Achtervolging [98] (@ Dynasty Imperial Football Stadium, Namgyeong - 51,000)
MQ: @ Booblybobbers
MD8: vs Greal [43] (@ Goguryeo Football Stadium, Pyeongyang - 52,000)
MD9: vs Taeshan [31] (@ Sanhaemun Football Stadium, Cheonjin - 60,000)
MD10: vs Albundania [UNK] (@ Silk Road Stadium, Seoan - 56,000)
MD11: vs Cassadaigua [50] (@ Munhwa Football Stadium, Hanseong - 65,000)
MD12: @ Candelaria And Marquez [15] (@ somewhere good :P)
MD13: vs Mo Land 3 [141] (@ Potala, Lasa - 34,000)
MD14: @ Achtervolging [98] (@ ah-choo!)
PTQ: ???

*** Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong***

"And so what's that?"

The Daeweongun was evidently knew to this business of watching a football match. The Emperor laughed as he explained the whole business of the game. "That's a corner kick."

"Another one? Just how many corner kicks are there going to be?"

"As many as there need to be," the Emperor replied.

"And they're on the wrong side of the field!"

"That's because the ball went out on that side of the goal post."

"This is a confusing game," the Daeweongun said then, exhausted from all of this perceptive thinking. "I'd rather just read the match reports. Goodness, I don't care how they win it, just that they do."

"Well," the Emperor said, "I think that you will be delighted with today's result."

"I know..."

The whistle blew out on the field below. And it was full time, 2-1 for the Han. The stadium erupted in joy as perhaps one of the cleanest matches so far in the tournament played out at home against one of the better opponents of the Group. Of course, with the way that the Group seems headed, up truly is down and vice versa. Bad news for the Candelarisians, although they can have some solace knowing that they held the Han 2-1 away; perhaps good news for the next time.

"These people get excited over the slightest reasons," the Daeweongun said, summarizing his view. "Cheer when the Han have the ball, don't cheer when they don't. Can't they be just a little quieter?"

"You're asking the mice to stop stealing the rice," the Emperor said. "That's what the fans do in a stadium. They make noise."

"And it's a wonder that these people don't start riots everytime they go abroad..."

"There's actually that..." the Emperor wanted to say more, but admitting that the Han fans were a bit rowdy at times wouldn't go well with a man who viewed the sport as clean and shaven. He decided to forgo the explanation.

"Well, the people are leaving the stadium. I suppose it is time to return to the Spring Palace?"

"I'd like to wait until the stadium is empty. I can go meet the team down below."

"Why would you want to do that? They're all sweaty and who knows how many times they've slapped each other around? You shouldn't mess with sweaty people."

"They've got showers here, abeoji," the Emperor replied. "They'll clean and shaven when they come back out for a quick moment to sign the placards with the fans."

"Speaking of fans..." The Daeweongun was fixed upon a man approaching them from down below. The guards were trying to stop him, but the Daeweongun waved them to let him on. The Emperor felt a bit uneasy about the situation. Usually, the people don't come to the Emperor in his spot overlooking the stadium. Most people don't even know that he's really there. And while he didn't mind an occasional common visitor, this one didn't seem right.

The Daeweongun seemed otherwise content. "And how can we help you today?"

Without asking any questions, the man pulled out a revolver and fired a single shot, at the instant a great host of men came to fall upon him.

*** Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong ***

Yim had his hand firmly on the pistol, aiming it directly at the old man. A decoy? He couldn't believe his luck! And he only had a moment to choose the Emperor from the mix of men as he fell to the ground underneath the crowd of security guards. He could hear the men speaking, "Pyei-ha! Pyei-ha!" And he was certain that he got the Emperor.

The guards took him up off the guard, under a shroud of soldiers taking him away. An attempt upon the Emperor's life was enough to ensure that this man disappeared for the rest of his days, but having fulfilled his life's goals, Yim Hwanyong was content enough to disappear. It was his one true objective, and to have heard the cries to confirm his goal, it was enough to convince him that his work was done. They could kill him, torture him, extract whatever they wanted from him - he was done with the world.

He was quickly and quietly herded out of the stadium under armed escort, as the confused crowd wondered what had just happened in the last few minutes. Gunshots rang out. Who was shot? Who shot? Where? When? Panic set in the crowd as Imperial guards attempted to control the mass of people. Fortunately, there wasn't too much of an issue, as people were already largely vacating the premises of the stadium after the final whistle. But the Emperor was seated in his place just minutes before, and now it was completely empty. Perhaps someone tried to shoot the Emperor?

Who would do such a thing? The "M" word rustled upon the people, but no one dared to say it. It was a horrible thought to imagine. The Mujeongbu have killed the Emperor...

Yim was hardly the sort of man that the Mujeongbu would recruit. He was a simple person, who preferred a return to the old ways. Where the Han were simply Han, and not some entrepreneurial Empire that gobbled up foreign cultures for its own. Anarchy was hardly his interest; in fact, he detested the idea altogether as "too modern". If he had known what sort of ideology they preached, he probably would have never thought to try his task, but in retrospect, it also probably would not have mattered much. Under any name, he would be inspired to kill the man he viewed responsible for the perversion of the Han culture. And despite their inclination to blame the Mujeongbu, the Hwarang would find no substantial evidence to link Yim to the group. Ideology would be their biggest point; the fact that he used a gun was another point, considering the Mujeongbu preferred explosives. And that he targeted the Emperor and his consort; typically, the victims of the Mujeongbu were average people. It was as unlikely for the Han to suffer the same explosions as at Casari; but a gunshot assassination of their Emperor - that they were unprepared to deal against. And now that it was reality, they could lay all of the blame upon this one man who did.

But again, Yim was content - he had fulfilled his life's quest. And perhaps history would judge him favorably. He was the man who tore down the government and instituted the return to greatness. The rejection of inferior culture and the adoption of a superior culture - the Han culture. Of course, not likely while the Han Empire still persisted.

*** Lucky Cricket Bar, Jungan Street, Hangyeong ***

There were screams coming from outside the Lucky Cricket Pub, just moments after the shot rang out in the Emperor Gojong Football Stadium. People suddenly crowded inside the Pub as they waited for the news to come. And the news did come.

"What's all of this noise about?" Hansu asked.

"There's a naked man outside!"

"Naked?" Hansu replied. He scratched his head. What the %$#^ was a naked man doing outside his pub? He went outside to see the commotion and surely, there was a naked man coming into the pub. And if there were people screaming when he was outside the Pub, there were certainly people screaming when he was inside the pub. The worst part of it was that Hansu recognized the man.

"Kim Gidong? Why are you naked?"

"I'm not naked. I'm sporting the latest fashion trend from Candelaria And Marquez! I just paid a fortune buying this new suit!"

"What suit?" Hong asked.

"This suit is made from the finest wool in the world!"

At that, Hansu dragged Kim into the kitchen, to stop the atrocity from being displayed in public. The cooks, however, had to try cooking without looking. "What wool?"

"This is wool sheared from the famous see-through sheep of Candelaria And Marquez. It's really fine wool, can't you feel it?"

"I don't feel anything, Kim."

"Well, it's just so soft, that it's almost like wearing nothing at all. And it keeps you warm in the winter too!"

"Kim, I don't think that you're wearing anything. You paid a bunch of money to some con-artist getting you to think that he was selling you invisible clothes."

"Wait, so you don't think I'm wearing clothes?"

"Yes."

"Which means, that I'm probably not wearing any clothes."

"Right."

"Which means..." At that, Kim rushed out of the Pub screaming his lungs off his head. The screams and cries came out from the Pub just as quickly as they died out. Hansu shook his head in shame as he exited the kitchen.

"Whatever was on his mind to do something like that?" Chan said. "He's a great travesty to the moral fiber of Han character! Naked in public!"

"He was conned," Hong said, sipping his tea lightly.

"Yes," Hansu admitted. "Some man selling Candelarisian 'invisible' wool made him think that he was buying some fine clothes. Apparently came from 'see-through' sheep, if you'd believe that."

"Actually, the Imperial Authorities just arrested the guy responsible for the selling scam on TV," Hong noted, pointing at the television. "He'd just heard about it, and managed to filch off some 50,000 weon before people started noticing that he was lying. Chances are he's going to have to pay the fine and have his license revoked until he can be educated enough again."

"I don't think people are being sensible enough, these days," Chan remarked. "In my days..." so began another long lecture... "when we broke the law, we were beaten publicly by our parents. No matter how old, how young, we were beaten publicly by our parents. And they did this for two reasons. To teach the young children that there were right things and wrong things. And that wrong things were punished. We disciplined our children to behave properly. And if the children didn't behave properly, we'd also punish the parents by forcing them to beat their children in public. Because nothing brings more shame to a righteous parent than to see their children fall ill, especially at their own hands. And to have them fall by their own hands in public - that would send a message to parents to teach their children properly at home, before they were punished in public. But nowadays, they've got people who routinely flout the laws, and the worst punishment that they get is a fine. And then they get re-educated by some weak-minded official and get their license again. It's not drilling the importance of discipline into them! They need - nay, they crave a good beating. It's the only way to bring up children right!"

"And when a parent beats their child in other countries, they get sent to jail for child abuse," Hong noted idly.

"And just how well are those countries doing?" Chan replied.

Hong shrugged his shoulders. "They can't be doing too terribly," he replied. "They're not barbarians."

"You see, those are those same people who breed these terrorists! I couldn't trust a single foreigner, because his mind is not properly cultured! If it weren't for those people, we wouldn't be stuck with all of these improperly educated people."

"Speaking of terrorists..." Hansu said, glancing at the television screen. By then, news of the assassination attempt upon the Emperor's life had leaked and MBC news was showing a live broadcast by the Imperial House. Instantly, the whole place had a deathly silence fall upon it as they awaited to hear word.

"On behalf of His Imperial Majesty, the Emperor Yeongmu, the Imperial House of Han is releasing a statement in relation to the gun attack upon the Emperor at the Emperor Gojong Football Stadium. Earlier this evening, there was an attack upon the Emperor's life. The gunman in question was alone and shot once into the general vicinity of the Emperor. The gunman in question was also apprehended at the scene and taken away to be questioned. Why did he do what he did - who sent him - and many such questions that people will have of the man. At this moment, the Imperial House is determining whether the Emperor was grievously injured..."

At that instant, the Emperor appeared on the screen, from the right hand, supplanting the spokesman on the podium. The already confusing atmosphere turned slightly chaotic. Was there or was there not an attempt upon the Emperor's life? Who was this man posing as the Emperor?

"My citizens. Citizens of the Han Empire. I am the Emperor. And I am here to inform you that while there was an attack upon my life, I am standing strong, firm, and uninjured. The gunman missed. And in due course, the injury intended for me hit another man. And in due course, a son must bury his parents, and we pray earnestly that our parents may die peacefully in their sleep. That they may have lived long years, enjoying the fruits of their children, the years of toils that they may endure to educate us, the pains that they may suffer to see us stand strong upon our own feet. And we pray that we may have the courage to return them to Heaven. But tonight, I was struck where no wounds heal. The man whose gun aimed for my body instead hit that of my father, the recent Gwangmu Emperor.

"I cannot confirm any details about my father, but I am told that he is currently in a critical state. The Imperial surgeons are working to insure his survival, but they have given me any assurances for his well-being. And standing firm now, I come before a shocked land. I am humbled, as every man should. And I am filled with a feeling, that many of you will feel undoubtedly. I am filled with rage. I am filled with anger. And I wish to return the favor to those who have shown me their incivility. At the moment, it is only one man, and I pray that Heaven has mercy for him, because I cannot guarantee if I will have any left for him, especially if my father dies. And now... I am asking for your strength. Citizens of Han, denizens of Han. We must stand strong. Those who wish us ill still stand at our borders, and while we are inclined to go and strike them, we will be civil about this affair. If they wish to talk, we will talk. If they wish to play with fire, we shall douse their flames. If they wish us war, we will show them how the truly great, the truly civilized nation, the bastion of civilization upon this world , we shall them how we deal with war. War is an incivil sport, but the civilized man must know its ways. And we will show them that we have no disrespect for its tenets. We will educate them in the manners of rewards and punishments. Our friends shall be rewarded greatly; our enemies pounded to dust.

"Perhaps we have long ignored the threats of terrorists. Perhaps we have long endured our ignorant belief that as the bastion of civilization, no harm may befall us while we are at home. While we are safe away from the world. And while the world crumbles around us, we will stand strong. But we cannot. We will not stand alone. Standing alone leaves us exposed. And when we lose the figures of authority that have long sheltered us, if we stand alone, we find that we have nothing to which we can cling in those hard times. And for now, we are alone. But we are alone ourselves, and we have each other. And when you were in pain, he came to you. The Gwangmu Emperor buried our sons and daughters with his own brow, and when people shed their tears, he was the first and the last. If he must pass, we will all mourn for him together, but I know that I was the first, and I will likely be the last. I may never stop shedding my tears. But for each tear shed, I vow for his memory, and the memory of all those that the terrorists have claimed, we will have them answerable to the laws of civilization, and we will have them judged accordingly. Indeed, if they seek anarchy, let them find it in peace. But if they seek war with civilization, then we shall educate them thoroughly. Their forebears pounded to dust, and their progeny shown the right ways to live. In harmony. There will come times when we do not agree, we do not love, we hate one another; but in those times, civility will hold fast our emotions, and we will be sensible people. We will still love, we will still stand together.

The Emperor was visibly shaken at that point. And perhaps the whole nation as well shook with him. "We are exposed today. But I can assure you that they will not succeed. If they will to terrorize me, they have failed. They have angered me. But they will see me defiant. I will still stand in public. I have never needed protection from you, my citizens. And never will I need protection from you. Because if you have problems, you will tell me. If they have problems... they can only kill! Kill! That is what the animals do! We are not animals. We will stand defiant. We will stand for the world to see that we are not huddling in terror. They have sought to turn us inwards. We will instead open our arms to the world. Our heart is stolen, but we will show the world our stripes. And they will say that we are strong. They don't deserve what mercies we have for them, but we are strong. We are strong."

There was a long pause, only the second since he started talking. But it was a good pause. It gave the forlorn people a chance to breath. There was a national pain, to see that a dear leader had been hurt. Indeed, the Gwangmu Emperor was not as popular as the earlier leaders, and in his time, he was not known primarily for his attributes as Imperial organization. But he was beloved. He helped make this Empire. And when the people were in tragedy, he wept openly with them. He was a kind-hearted man. He was an endearing character, who could be as solemn as any humble man, but as affable as the next minute like an innocent child.

Just then, a messenger came over a red flag. The Yeongmu Emperor learned to dread the red flag, from his days by the side of his father. It was always bad news.

http://i159.photobucket.com/albums/t156/daehanjeiguk/Companies/MBC.png

The End of an Era

HANGYEONG - Minutes after the final whistle blew out in Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, a gun shot rang out in the stadium, and a panic set in people leaving the stadium. Moments later, the panic subsided and a general fear swept over the people. Rumors of the Emperor's assassination were quelled when the Emperor himself addressed a crowd at the Imperial Court a half-hour later, to announce that he was well and unharmed. This good news was met also with the great misfortunte of the state - the death of the Gwangmu Emperor. After abdicating as Emperor nearly four years, the Gwangmu Emperor had served as a special adviser to the present Emperor Yeongmu. Although it was heart-related stress that forced his abdication, the Gwangmu's death today was hardly the result of poor health. Official reports say that the Gwangmu Emperor was killed by a single bullet shot to the abdominal region, piercing the liver and gallbladder. The bullet also managed to penetrate the hepatic vein, which led to internal hemorrhaging and is the official cause of death at the present time. Whatever the case, the citizens of Han will have much to mourn for the coming days.

News of the Gwangmu Emperor's death was met with the mixed joy of winning a match at home, against the Candelarisians. It was a tense match, won only by Jeong Jihun's final header in the 87th minute. The Candelarisians went ahead just before the break, on a stunning counter-attack. Too many people ahead, and Kim Jongguk (back only because Kim Jiwun and Bong Junho had those ridiculous red cards) failed to reach far enough to stop Spooner's blast into the net. The Han down on a fair fight, but they came back cleanly. At the 61st minute, An Pilrip set up one amazing free kick from midfield, launching the ball towards the penalty area. After a quick struggle for control over the ball's landing, Pak Yongho got the better of the ball and launched his back with his head into the net. Sbaïz would have gotten a hand to it if there weren't so many of his defenders blocking the view, and it was a simple case where too much was too many. But one might question how much a better chance he might have had if there were fewer defenders to try to block the ball's approach. Nonetheless, it was a good equalizer, only met by Jeong Jihun's mastery over the head balls. A corner kick sent in by Kim Byeongji found its way back to the far side of the net, where Jeong Jihun blasted the ball directly to the net opposite the goalkeeper's stand. It was like a pinball machine working its magic, and the Han were finally ahead 2-1 and finally the refs didn't call any ludicrous calls upon the Han, after an episode lasting some 4 matches (including that horrible escapade last time...we'll have some bones to pick when they come here).

But for all of the joy in the world, it wasn't enough to hide the pain of losing a father of the nation. And when the Han go visiting Mo Land 3, we do expect that the Han will be in good company, and in mourning still. But the games must go on, and we must show that one man's death - however tragic - will not put our lives awry. The Emperor said this - "We are strong." And we will prove that we are stronger than murderers; we are stronger than SLANI refs; we are stronger than SLANI teams that agree with those SLANI refs; we are stronger than our enemies; we are stronger than the barbarians; we are stronger than them who feign their strength. We are strong; and we have much to prove in the coming days.

Goal Tally
5 - Jeong Jihun
2- Baek Jihun
1 - Kim Mihyeon, Pak Yongho, Yi Yeongpyo

Courtney’s Space

The drive for five has come up short in Greal, I am sad to announce, but it wasn’t from a lack of effort. I don’t think it was a let down game either even though I know that there are some people who are thinking that. The reason I say that is that we aren’t the kind of team that goes into games thinking that we are going to win. What right to we have to do that? We haven’t accomplished a whole lot yet even if we did have four wins in four games. When you get shut out as we did last night, people aren’t going to think that you played well. If you watched the game, then you can make your own decisions from it. The goalkeeping on both ends was fantastic. Rachel Terry came up with huge saves for us, reminding us of how she stole games for us back in World Cup 43 qualifying. Unfortunately for us, we ran into a keeper who was just as good. Raul Grunt did everything that Rachel did, including a save on me that he made around the hour mark that just made me stand in awe. He knew it. I could see the look in his eyes. He was in what us athletes call, the zone. He was going to get to everything. The Greali players may have said the same thing about Rachel. She wasn’t perfect as eventually they scored with about twelve minutes remaining, and she just missed getting to that great shot as well. If you watch the replays you can see her fingertips getting to the ball but of course that’s not enough to keep it from going in. If Anderson’s shot was 2MPH slower, Rachel gets her hand to the ball completely and probably knocks it over the bar. Soccer can be such a precise game sometimes, and there a split second made all the difference.

Now Greal has something to go on their side of the ledger for our rivalry. You can’t have rivalries if one team has all the success and this is a big one in their favor. It is time now to put this game behind us and move on to game six of qualifying which on a personal level, is huge for me. At home against Candelaria And Marquez as I am sure you are all aware that I play there professionally. We beat them here in qualifying for World Cup 43, and overall are 1-1-0 against them. But we know that doesn’t matter at all and respect them for what they are, one of the greatest countries in the world at this game we all love.

This Item Unrelated to the Blog:

The normally hands-off Cassadagan Association of Soccer Enthusiasts has filed a request for a suspensions to a Han player following his actions in our game in Concord Heights. The protest singled out Kim Jiwun for his aggressive actions towards Stacie Kerrigan in the closing moments of the match. Stacie said that Jiwun threatened to break her legs when they went to The Han Empire for the next match. CASE is requesting a three to five game suspension.

Michelle Baynes also felt offended by the Han's attempting to shift the focus of their filthy play on the referees in her statement: "They whine and cry about the officiating, but they put themselves in the situation that they did. It's a complete lack of respect for us and the whole rest of the world saw it with their own eyes."

UP TO FOURTH

The Millionaires got themselves an important draw in Jasi’yun to move into fourth place in the group, in a three way tie with Logria and Koseli Cumheriyetler. If you missed the game against Logria prior to this, you were not alone. Despite them having reached the semifinals of the Baptism of Fire, the general Secristani population could not really get themselves up for the match. Purchases for the pay-per-view event were down considerably, and didn’t not even reach the window of expectation that the Secristan Department of Sports had for the match. This was a downer of major proportions, because after the team had their draw with Valanora and the rout over San Castello, the SDOS was really expecting more. “The fans took the game off.” said SDOS representative Katie Simpson in a basic statement of the obvious. The team did not take the game off, getting a 2-1 victory. Monopoly Stadium was sold out and the average bid price per ticket for the match was 26 R, which is a pretty average number for a home match that is not against a well known team. The fact that the stadium was sold to capacity could point out however that the people who were interested in the game made the trip to Amherst. “The attendance numbers were good so that may be exactly what happened here.” Todd Carney scored both goals. The trip to Jasi’yun was expected to be a tough one, so to come out of it with a scoreless draw is actually something to be happy about. We believe that most of our fans recognize that keeping a team like Jasi’yun off the scoreboard is a pretty significant accomplishment, and Michael Rossiter deserves nothing but high praise for the great saves he made.

In a stark contrast to the disappointing ratings the Logria game received, the match against Jasi’yun actually exceeded SDOS expectations for the match. From this we may be able to interpret that fans are beginning to pick and choose opponents to a greater extent then that have before which may mean our fan base is more aware of what is going on across the World Cup then they have in the previous two attempts. This is something that should be a positive. The fans also seem to be aware that the upcoming game against Koseli Cumheriyetler could go a long way in determining if we could actually qualify for this World Cup or not. Katie Simpson, in reference to the Koseli game said, “It’s a big game, and a lot of our fans are aware that this is the country that lost in the Cup of Harmony final last time. The advance purchases are quite high and we look as though we will be in our window for it. We set the minimum bid price at 20 rusas per ticket which would normally mean an average bid price of 40-50 rusas at the end of the auction, but we are crossing our fingers for a average bid rate of 60-80 rusas.

(ooc: this is not taken in spite, but just another RP opportunity :D)

The IFA has submitted the following message for International Review; a separate letter has been sent to the FA of Cassadaigua:

Count Jeong Mongjun

On behalf of the IFA and the Imperial Han Football Team, we are submitting this public statement in reference to the reaction of officiating offered by the WC45 Organization Committee and the reactions of other teams against which the Han have played recently on four away matches. It is to my knowledge that the players and the managerial staff of the Imperial Squad felt wrongly impugned while on their journeys, mostly by the officiating crew. I have reviewed the tapes, and while I am inclined to agree with their statements, I am aware of a number of grievances.

In particular, Kim Jingyu's attack upon the senior referee at the Han-Albundania match. This conduct was unbecoming of a senior professional player, and as such I have reviewed the case as closed. I have agreed with Ioshido Toki's conclusion that Kim Jingyu has been suspended from the team for the duration of the WC45 season. However, in reference to the alleged attacks upon the Cassadaiguan team, I have yet to see any conclusive proof that the players supposedly injured by the Han were either done with full intent, or done at all. In particular, Kim Jiwun's save in the latter minutes of the match has apparently resulted in a clash, in which comments were extracted from him. I am not certain who the translator was at that time, but Kim Jiwun has stated that he never mentioned breaking any legs. Instead, he remarked that the ref was so dumb and blind that he couldn't tell a horse's ass from his wife. I have reprimanded him for such remarks, but I see no malicious intent against any player from the team. Ioshido Toki likewise agreed that the officiating crew were disproportionately calling out against the Han, while ignoring several critical calls. In the match against Taeshan, a Taeshani player managed to hold fast upon Kim Mihyeon's jersey and used the leverage to throw her back while she was chasing a ball. Instead of calling the foul, the official called off-sides. In the match against Albundania, the official missed an obvious handball (which I myself saw) in the 67th minute and let the play continue on. In the match against Cassadaigua, there was an apparent scuffle in the 59th minute, that led to no punitive action against the Cassadaiguan player who put her hands in Jeong Jihun's eyes.

Of these allegations, I am most displeased to see consistent bias by the officiating crew against the Han players and the team. This is most unrighteous and most unfair to the players. I am aware that Ioshido Toki has already submitted appeals to the WC45 Organization Committee, which have all gone without reply. I am prepared myself to petition on behalf of the team to change the manner of officiation by the WC45 Organization Committee, to disallow officials who show any blatant bias against the Han or any team against which the Han play. I would be making this appeal right now, but after witnessing for myself the clean officiation provided by the crew at the Han-C&M match recently, I am convinced that this may signal a change in the manner of selecting match officials. Perhaps a bureaucratic oversight led to the blatantly rigorous bias; I am hopeful that the WC45 Organization Committee has made changes for the better and that the remainder of WC45 will be clean.

If the Cassadaiguan FA wishes also to list its grievances against the Han, please let them submit it to us, so that we may ascertain the severity and validity of these claims. Doubtless, Ioshido Toki will have his own list of grievances, so in my mindful position, I would suggest that either they bring these grievances to us, or to put these issues to rest. I have reminded the team that they are not to take any excessive action - either against the officials or the opposing team, more so the opposing teams as it seems that their grievances have been against the officials. And I would hope that the team remembers their obligation as professional players and that even in the face of unjust opposition, they must stand with straight faces and a cheerful disposition. It is my hope that what has happened for the past 4 matches has been put behind us and that WC45 will proceed to improve in its quality, as it has always.

Jeong Mongjun - IFA Chair
鄭夢準伯

BELLES BATTLING BETTER... BUT...

Bears Armed 4 - 3 The Macabees

And the Belles resume their winning run, clearly back on form again after the defeat in Qazox.
They'd certainly "taken their offence along" to this game, held in their recently-refurbished 'home' stadium at Plumtrees Park... but had they "left their defence behind" instead? It was a very exciting match to watch, as the teams ebbed and flowed in waves up and down the pitch, with many shots at goal for both sides, but then any game in which both teams keep almost all of their players in their opponent's halves for most of the playing period should have a high score. I'll admit that 'The Macabees' do have a reputation for being rather better than their current NSWCC ranking would suggest is the case, and that both Charra o Barrdenn and -- substituted at half-time, for the rest of the game -- Urra Thunder did successfully stop a majority of those rivals' shots 'on goal', but in my opinion the rest of the Belles' defence was woefully mishandled.
Still, a win is a win, and that result does move the Belles back up into the group's "qualification zone" at 3rd place... and with as many points as either of the teams that are still above them in that table, too, so I suppose we shouldn't grumble too much about how the Belles won...


Bears Armed
Goals: Beorranna o Dawn (09), Harroya o Redwood (38)/(63)/(81). (Possession = 63%)
Injuries: none.
Cards: none.

The Macabees
Goals: (26), (35), (52). (Possession = 37%)
Injuries: none.
Cards: none.


(by Marron o GreyBear)


(Full details inside, on page 'S-3'.)


Marra SunDaughter finished reading this article out aloud to the team's members, rolled the newspaper up and tucked it under her right arm, and addressed the players:

"Arri has had to go into town to sort out some of the details for our travel to the next match, so he's asked me to give you all a talking-to about this. I know that you were all disappointed that we'd been getting so few goals before, and would have been even without 'MoG' sniping at you in print as he's been doing, but honestly! How many times have we practiced our formations, how many times have Arri or Harroya or myself told you? The 'defenders' are supposed to remain well within our own half, not hover just beyond the halfway line, and the 'midfielders' shouldn't go too far forwards without orders either. Yes, scoring more goals would be nice, and put us closer to a guaranteed place in the actual Cup, but not if trying to get those actually ends up losing us games and points! Now, we'll split the squad into two teams -- with Harrya o Herrchaum and Marra-Urra o Redwood as their captains -- and you can play a match against each other: Harroya will act as referee, and I'll just observe.
And after that, the Ravens have brought in some tapes of Dancougar's recent matches, and you can all watch those to get a better idea of their style and how the changes in their line-up since the only other time that we've played them are working out. Apparently they favour the attack about as much as we do, so we will really need a firm defence in that game. It will be played at the same stadium in Yuki City where we won the 'Baptism of Fire', so most of you have already been there before... but we've got a scale model of the ground set up, with lighting patterns and notes about which sections are set aside for which sides' fans, and so on, for you all to study at some point during the next couple of days. I mean this girls: Winning this game would be good, and I think that you can do it, but don't get careless about defending our own goal in the process..."

"What about the weather, Marra-boss?" enquired Urra SunBlessed...
"We've got some information about what's usual over there at this time of year, and their own forecasts," Marra replied, "and the Ravens are going to keep us up to date on how it's going until the game begins, but 'No' we aren't going to try getting it fixed to suit us this time. We don't want to have another game ended prematurely when we were about to improve our position, after all, and if there's unseasonably heavy rainfall at too many matches then somebody at the WCC -- somebody from the 'Dreamed Realm', perhaps -- might realise what's happening and have us penalised for it."

The players began to choose-up teams for their practice game, and Marra turned her attention briefly to the paper's "Foreign News" section_

THERE BE BEARS!

Our reporter Urryon ar Gerron, whom we sent to the distant region known as 'Atlantian Oceania' to see what he could find out about the various nations located there that arew involved in international Soccer has just sent back some intriguing news. The presence of a previously-unsuspected group of islands has just been discovered in those waters, and they comprise a nation -- known simply as 'The Bear Islands' -- whose inhabitants all appear to be Ursine in form!
Could this be the new home created by one of the 'Lost Clans' that travelled out "Beyond The River" from BearHome during our own country's earlier history? Or are they a people whose ancestors were already resident in thsoe lands when the Great Bear chose to 'awaken' them? We understand, from sources within the High Council of Clans, that the Committee for The Strangers is already organising a team of diplomats and scholars who will be sent there as soon after they're ready as passage can be arranged for.

WORLD CUP 45 QUALIFYING- Game #5- Newmanistan (0-3-1) at Vephrall (3-1-0)

Final: Vephrall 4-2 Newmanistan

Scoring: VPH: O. Umsaasad (18'), Taclik (22', 26'), C. Umsaasad (85')
NEW: McAllister (64'), Taylor (80')

Bookings: VPH: Whootung (62') NEW: Brooker (21'), LaFave (31'), Carrigan (35'), LaFave (90' +2)

Overall Team Performance: 6

Individual Performances:

GK: Chris Kusler: 4
LB: Jeremy Brooker: 7
LCB: Bobby Foley: 7
RCB: Scott LaFave: 5
RB: Alex Lampert: 6
LM: Kyle Carrigan: 5
CM: Alex Parnett: 6
RM: Bill Prescott: 9
LS: Jeremy McAllister: 8
ST: Jennifer Vilardi: 7
RS: Kevin Taylor: 8
(Sub): Corey Hennis (for Kusler): 9
(Sub): Shawn Drummond (for Parnett): 7
(Sub): Shawn Loughran (for Lampert): 9
(Coach): Brian Carson: 9

Game Notes: After surrendering three goals on five shots on target through 26 minutes, Brian Carson pulled Chris Kusler and went to Corey Hennis. Such a move is rather unusual, but Kusler obviously did not have it tonight, and seemed very slow to react. However, the clincher was his poor position on the goal scored Handbosm Taclik in the 26th minute. Vephrall had dominated possession that stretch of time as they built their 3-0 lead to the tune of 77-23. The goalkeeper change seemed to ignite the Rockets, or maybe Vephrall just sat back in a more conservative mode. From the 30th minute to the 80th minute, Newmanistan was in control of possession, but a strong effort by the Vephrall back end prevented the Rockets from getting too many real challenge shots on Tingacens Speocacks. Finally, in the 64th minute, Newmanistan got one behind the keeper, and at long last Jeremy McAllister had gotten his name on the scoresheet during qualifying. The Rockets kept the momentum going and scored in the 80th minute on a goal by Kevin Taylor. Taylor had started in place of Brett Carlson, who was sitting out the game from his red card suspension. The Rockets looked as though they might come all the way back to tie it, but as they were pressing on an all out attack, Vephrall took advantage of an errant pass from Shawn Drummond intended for McAllister, and turned it into their fourth goal. Newmanistan received four yellow cards in the match, including a two to defender Scott LaFave. The second one that sent him off did not come until the second minute of stoppage time in the second half, so Vephrall didn’t really get much benefit from it. Billy Prescott had an impressive game in the loss. Even though this result will get the “fire Carson” chants to get louder, we actually think Brian did a great job making adjustments in this match, allowing Newmanistan to nearly pull out a draw. But “nearly” doesn’t cut it anymore. There will be no keeper controversy, at least not right now. Kusler will be back in net for the game that simply must result in victory number one in Draistania. It will be Newmanistan's fifth road match in the six games played.

Franco Berisha watched the yellow and red clad players celebrate and, not for the first time in the last few weeks, wondered why exactly he had brought this on himself. Not so long ago he had been one of the Autocracy’s most highly regarded and respected coaches. His work as Director of Youth Development at Hyper League club Partizan Drissa was known the length of the country and dozens of his protégés graced the league every matchday.

Now he was the coach of a young and inexperienced national squad, a job nobody else within the Autocracy had wanted, and watching his youthful charges heading for what looked like a fifth defeat in seven. It was the number nine, some lad called Carson Shaw, who was causing all the trouble. He was pulling his opponents all over the shop with his clever running. David Simpson was the first to capitalise, running into the gap and coolly slotting the ball past Baron. A beautifully weighted Shaw pass had then released Aaron Scott to make it two. The goal that had started the celebrations he was now watching.

What was it about this stadium? History was repeating itself. The last time they graced the world stage the Hyppos always made hard work of it in their own national stadium. Elsewhere in the country the results were often good but here in the capital they struggled. And with the huge amount of money spent on renovating the place the FAH weren’t about to switch venues. So the team were doomed to sink without trace in the vast Hyppodrome. And sink they did as Shaw bagged Liventia’s third himself. Berisha was left shaking his head at the marking. All that work on the training pitch just seemed to vanish into the ether.

The big crowd had at least something to cheer when a neat passing move found Jansen on the edge of the D and his low drive nestled into the bottom corner. But Shaw was destined to have the last laugh and sure enough his late freekick took a wicked deflection off the wall to wrong foot the despairing Baron and make it 4 – 1 to the visitors.

At fulltime Berisha exchanged a handshake at the usual pleasantries with Giovanni Toulmin as he contemplated life at the foot of group 1. Still it wasn’t all bad, the upcoming trip to Mordavia might be a political hot potato but if the boys played to their best they had a good change of picking up all three points. Then it would be back here for more woe, oh and Myedvedeya too.


Schedule
Frd: Hypocria v The Archregimancy (H) 1 – 2
Frd: Hypocria v Sarzonia (A) 0 – 4
M1: Hypocria v Rennidan (A) 0 – 2
M2: Hypocria v West Zirconia (A) 0 – 0
M3: Hypocria v Lovisa (H) 1 - 3
M4: Hypocria v Yafor 2 (A) 1 - 0
M5: Hypocria v Liventia (H) 1 - 4
M6: Hypocria v Mordavia (A)
M7: Hypocria v Myedvedeya (H)
Frd: Hypocria v Bears Armed (A)
Frd: Hypocria v Krytenia (H)
M8: Hypocria v Rennidan (H)
M9: Hypocria v West Zirconia (H)
M10: Hypocria v Lovisa (A)
M11: Hypocria v Yafor 2 (H)
M12: Hypocria v Liventia (A)
M13: Hypocria v Mordavia (H)
M14: Hypocria v Myedvedeya (A)
Frd: Hypocria v Starblaydia (H)

www.Turklerkonusmak.ko.tk > The Team Talk > Words of Encouragement

Turklerenbuyuk
Admin
The team are on their accounts tonight and want to hear the words of encouragement that we have for them, so come on guys lets show the love


Sultanlioglu
Yeni Cogcuk
Guys just get something here, we need it plus a point away from home is always great. Be positive lads!



Clotaire Serkan
Takim Kaptan
Thanks, it's so nice to hear a positive view of the team for once from a fan, and your right about the point away from home. It's what Hakan said to us as well.


Ultras
Carsici
The guy above is clearly one of those weaklings who accept failure, we should go for it all that's what makes us Turks


Kosenin Kardes
Kaleci
Well so much for a positive attitude, but once again going for it all is in the end what makes this team. Calling someone weak because they are realistic shows how the country has become a hotbed of violence.

MEET THE REFS

Harra SunChild

Nationality: Bears Armed.
Species: Ursine.
Gender: Female.
Age: 36.
Referee for: 14 years.

Fur = golden-brown, height = 7'2", weight = undisclosed (but she's definitely still in very good condition), right-pawed.

One of the top referees recognised by BAAS, Harra has been loaned to the NSWCC for the duration of the 45th World Cup. She gained most of her previous experience refereeing inter-unit matches in the National Army, within which she was serving as an unarmed-combat instructor and latterly as a regimental sergeant-major: This is one referee with whom only the very boldest of players or coaching staff will even attempt to argue,and woe betide the idiot who actually tries to threaten her!

(Firm, but fair...)


____________________________________________________________________________________________________ _____

www.Turklerkonusmak.ko.tk > The Team Talk > Words of Encouragement

Turklerenbuyuk
Admin
The team are on their accounts tonight and want to hear the words of encouragement that we have for them, so come on guys lets show the love


Sultanlioglu
Yeni Cogcuk
Guys just get something here, we need it plus a point away from home is always great. Be positive lads!



Clotaire Serkan
Takim Kaptan
Thanks, it's so nice to hear a positive view of the team for once from a fan, and your right about the point away from home. It's what Hakan said to us as well.


Ultras
Carsici
The guy above is clearly one of those weaklings who accept failure, we should go for it all that's what makes us Turks


Kosenin Kardes
Kaleci
Well so much for a positive attitude, but once again going for it all is in the end what makes this team. Calling someone weak because they are realistic shows how the country has become a hotbed of violence.

OOC: Maybe you should try turning that into a 'Worldvision Song Contest' entry? ;)

Captain's Log, October 19th 20,015 A.E

It's been a good week in training despite the sting of an unwanted draw away in Logria last week. Despite the draw with the Baptism of Fire third place team, we're still far away in first in our qualifying group, which is just a credit to our well we have performed in our first four matches. We have the big match of the first half of qualifying up next, the JSY federation of the Unified Capitalizt States, or whatever name they are going by now. People often complain about the complexity of the Vanorian government and naming system, but it pales in comparison to the number of intricacies that the entity of the UCS has. Perhaps it is because they have been around for a longer amount of time, although the split in the federations did happen in our second tournament. I suppose at that time we were still something of an unknown quality that had just been a blip in the radar in our first tournament. None the less, I found the difficulties people have with our adjectives and government very odd considering the other situations that are present among the competing nations.

I wonder about the state of the game now and then, as there is becoming increasing tension between clubs and national team federations. This has become all the more clear with Kiso Night, as he been forced to choose between representing his nation, or continuing on his club career. Most would have chosen the former, but he has chosen the latter due to family reasons as well. Why must there be such tensions though? Why can we not have a symbiosis that allows players to compete in both of them without feeling like they are betraying either their club or their country. I am sure that the respective federations and leagues can come to some sort of compromise concerning the issue, and that will be all the better for the game. For if we are worried about the betrayal that we may or may not be doing, then we are allowed the complete focus on the competition, providing for a better game all around.

Still, their are things that are above the beautiful game, that being the spiritual health of me and my countrymen. It's been several weeks now since Elune's edict for the reformation of our collective and individual approaches to life. I have done what I can in order to be more aligned with the teaching's of the great goddess, soo much so that a priestess stopped me in the middle of my prayer to commend me of such. Yet for my distinguished success, I have seen many more failures among my countrymen. I still wonder if we can achieve this state of being, of consciousness that Elune is dictating from us and still be who we are. Perhaps that is the entire point of the reformation, but I would severely disappointed if this was indeed the case. To lose our sense of self is to send us into a confusion and possible dissolution, to have us splinter into regional peoples instead of a united country. I do not think that our merciful goddess would deem or desire such, but then I never would have expected her to severe he connection with her peoples. To desire such would be contradictory to everything that she has ever done in the history of time. No, I think whatever it is she is desiring from us, it will come subtly and without us even realizing it. I am confident that this is the case, and I will sleep a little easier with this perspective in mind.

~ Laborious Hawk

Greali World Cup Qualifying Schedule
MD1: Greal VS Daehanjeiguk (2-2)
MD2: Greal VS Candelaria And Marquez (2-3)
MD3: Greal VS Mo Land 3 (4-0)
MD4: Greal VS Achtervolging (1-1)
MD5: Greal VS Cassadaigua (1-0)
MD6: Greal VS Taeshan
MD7: Greal VS Albundania
MD8: Greal VS Daehanjeiguk
MD9: Greal VS Candelaria And Marquez
MD10: Greal VS Mo Land 3
MD11: Greal VS Achtervolging
MD12: Greal VS Cassadaigua
MD13: Greal VS Taeshan
MD14: Greal VS Albundania


Greal VS Taeshan Preview

The Greali will be playing the toughest team of the group, probably tougher then ever the Han Empire. Taeshan, ranked 31th in the world, has won four games and lost one, taking the top spot of the group. That does not mean the Greali will despair. The morale boosting game against Cassadaigua has done a lot of good for the team. Ross Trent says this match will be very difficult to win, but his team will do their best as usual. Both sides have never played each other before, so today's match will be observed fiercely. The Greali will be playing with their standard formation. Weather will sunny sky today after cloudy days over the last few days. Television service has declined to give an estimate of viewers.

In other matches...

Candelaria And Marquez will be playing Candelaria And Marquez today.

Mo Land 3 will be playing Daehanjeiguk.

Albundania will be playing Achtervolging.

----------------------------------------------------------------

JOESPH'S ONLINE BLOG

Got no time to watch the game against Taeshan. Sorry guys. No blogging today. I'll post tomorrow. But good luck guys.

---------------------------------------------------------------

"Will that cat stop screaming his head off?" said Jackson, annoyed, he was joining the guys at a large table.

"Nothing we can do." said Ross, looking warily at the cat's owner. "We gotta just watch the game."

"Taeshan will be a tough one. Have we ever played them before?" asked Brian."

"I don't think so."

"Expect the unexpected." said Roger.

"The previews are starting." said Ethan sipping his beer.

"You're no great drinker." laughed Brian.

"True. Who cares. Too bad Ross isn't here."

"Ross has his own worries, we have our own. The team has their own."

"Howard Anderson is a really great player." said Roger, when Howard Anderson's profile came up."Scored like a hundred times ever since the Greali joined WC. Nice."

"I'm a good defender myself." said Ethan."In college anyway. Now those skills are gone probably."

"The bloody previews are almost over."

So, the reality of the situation is that we're still fifth in a very competitive group, chances are we won't qualify, and we only have one point more than before we started.

Screw reality.

We just drew with one of the best teams in the world! The globe, nay, the multiverse has sat up and taken notice of little, insignificant Logria. Who knows? There's still another nine matches to play...anything could happen.

Anything - including the Swans booking their tickets to Demot and Paripana.

Well...we can dream, anyways...

Purple Knights Set To Face Greal

In a time of harship the world continues to spin. Wether or not you find yourself in the hardships of a communist world, your family has been kilt or many other bad things that could happen to you you must always continue to reach out and forward on the path of destiny. The next game ahead of the Knights is against an old nation in our world even though not in the sporting sense Greal has been around a long time and they are due respect no matter how you look upon these great people they are next in line to fall to the Knights.

You may find out in a time of great need that a place to lay your head is never taken lighly. A home is just a place to stay in, a place of hope and even though the Knights do not find themselves in a place they would call home wether it be in Pyeonyang or in the greatest town in the world at least it is a place to stay and we can all be thankful for this. You may not find yourself in a place you would want to be, but at least you are dry and at home. Right now thats all the Knights can ask for.

Blue Tornado Ready To Win Again

Up next for are gallant Tornado are the young team from Invisible Wabbits who last week stunned the very same Dancougar team that our only loss has come against in a 0-0 tie game that was shocking to most of the world. Even though they are such a lowly ranked team we should all be able to aggree that through the fact that they can tie such an enormously talented team that they are better then they appear and that appearance is vastly decieving. In any event even in this such a great deception through my very eyes i can see that it is a once in a vast time judgement to say that they could do it again. In any case the fact is they are very likely to not be able to again produce such a vastly awakening resuly yet agian so we shant fear what shall not happen in due time.

MD6 Results (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14582508&postcount=8)

WORLD CUP 35 - GLOBO MULTIMEDIA'S ARCHIVE
Matchday 8 of WC35 qualifying stage

"And Cafundéu is in a situation that most people thought as being impossible to happen beforrrrrre the game! Westerrrrrrn Afghanistan is winning the game by the rrrrresult of three against one, in Cafundéu! With the Monopolists' delicate situation in the qualifiers so far, this negative rrrrrresult at home can... ugh... eliminate us frrrrrrrom the Worrrrrrld Cup beforrrrrre we ever enter it... we can't let this happen... Alfrrrrrredo Neves is sitting on the bench, it looks that he lost all hope, leaving the playerrrrrrs on their own in these last minutes of the game... Wherrrrrre is our shame, National Team coach? You've left us up to our necks in it! The Monopolists arrrrre going to miss a Worrrrrld Cup for the firrrrrst time, thanks to your unusual tactics! How can Cafundéu play the way you arrrrre orrrrrrrderrrrrring this team to play? You prrrrrrobably will have to coach in another countrrrrrry after the qualifierrrrrrs end!"

"The game continues, Westerrrrrrn Afghanistan with the possession. Alfrrrrredo Neves finally decides to do some orrrrrrderrrrrrs, but the playerrrrrrs seem to be immune to his consultations... foul. The rrrrreferrrrree apprrrrroaches Rrrrrrrenário... I think he is going to show him the rrrrrred carrrrrd... Rrrrrrenário kicks the opponent, and punches him in the face... a brrrrrrawl starrrrrrts, nearrrrrrly all the playerrrrrrs get involved in this... punches, kicks, elbows everrrrrrywhere! Surrrrrrely this is the end of the qualifying campaign for Cafundéu, just to show how immaturrrrrre was the team. The confusion is total, Garrrrrrth Valxen can't contrrrrrol it. Rrrrrrenárrrrrio starrrrrted this! The police comes, but the climate is still tense... there are still six minutes to be played, so the situation must be under contrrrrrrol... not possible, Garrrrrth Valxen ends the game in the eighty-fourth minute! Let's move to our rrrrreporrrrter Chico Mendes!"

"Thanks Breno Gavião. The Wentland referee Garth Valxen decided to end the game before the ninetieth minute for security reasons, and Western Afghanistan then conquers this win against Cafundéu, putting the Monopolists out even of a playoff spot! Yes, the taste of this game was far from sweet, really! This brawl at the end of the game was really lamentable... and this didn't stop... now the Cafundéu National Team coach Alfredo Neves is approaching the referee Garth Valxen... he is talking some bad things to him... the game is already over, there is nothing else Neves can do to change the result, but he is furious, claiming that Valxen clearly harmed Cafundéu during this game. Renário already left the field, without giving interviews... I am approaching the confusion right now, maybe I can listen what Neves is saying to Valxen, let's hear."

ALFREDO - "Look at me, look at me! Do you realize what have you done? You changed the game's fate with your decisions, you had a horrible, I say horrible performance!"

VALXEN - "Please leave. If your team can't get a victory at home, this has nothing to do with me. Go complain with them!"

ALFREDO - "Turn and face the strain! You didn't have the necessary ability to referee this game, now don't go away without facing the consequences! This is what you deserve!"

VALXEN - "I have no time for this. Go cry somewhere else." (the policemen help Valxen to leave the stadium)

CHICO - "I am approaching the National Team coach, Alfredo Neves... what about Cafundéu's chances of qualifying now? Do you think the team will have serious problems?"

ALFREDO - "My career is over. No one will want to hire me anymore, at least not in Cafundéu... I'll have to rebuild my reputation somewhere else... what happened? I thought I did everything right with the team... but, every time I thought I had got it made, the team returned to fail in a decisive moment... what will I do now?"

CHICO - "Sorry to interrupt your moment of internal thinking and philosophy reflection... but what went wrong?"

ALFREDO - (continues ignoring the reporter) "I still don't know what I was waiting for... I won titles in the domestic league, was ready for more success... maybe I thought this job would be easy, and everyone would love my style and help me to build this team the way I like... but it seems that these players can't grow up and notice that changes must be made."

CHICO - "Sir, can you tell me more about the impact that your coaching style had in the team... the negative impact, of course..."

ALFREDO - "The days floated through my eyes and now it's too late to fix this team... we won't qualify."

CHICO - "Please, coach, if your style really harmed the team, don't you think you just gonna have to be a different man when coaching to produce positive results? And what do you think can make you do these changes in your style?"

ALFREDO - (finally listening to the reporter) "Time may change me."

[CENTER]Purple Knights Fall To Greal

For only the second time this season last night the Purple Knights failed to win there game. Their opponents were the young, but experieinced squad from Greal. The Grealites were able to turn the game into an offensive battle and since that is not exactly what the Knights strive for they failed to keep up with the offensive assualt and were thrown aside by the younger and somewhat faster Greal team. Although they lost they still retain a top two position and are still as of now in a nice qualifying position.

The Grealites got off to a quick aggresive start. There center striker was able to net the ball past Tad Montague in the 29th minute, and later would score again with a slam in the 43rd minute. The Knights first goal was then scored Brian Ying Uing netted his 90th career goal edging the ball in beside the framework. Then the Greali Left Midfielder found the net before Hele found it with his goal. Those to goals were not enough though in the end as they didn't find a third to tie and the Knights didn't get the points they may need in the end.

Blue Tornado Add Win To Immpressive Resume

Game 6 of there 6th World Cup and the Blue Tornado have won yet another game. Infact they lead Group 6 6 games into there 6th qualifying campaign behind 5 wins and 1 loss. There most recent win being a two to nothing blowout of the team from Invisible Wabbits the very same team who took a nothing to nothing tie the whole game agains the Black Wings of Dancougar the only team thus far who has beaten are fateful team. So you could say at least in one way the Tornado have taken it to every team even the one they lost to so far.

The Blue Tornado took it to the Wabbits. Angel Kenssington would lead the charge to there fifth win over the I Wabbas. Kenssington gave the crowd something to cheer about when he took an Ossi Euro pass and slammed it home from 29 feet out. Then he would find Jamie Barry for an assist of his own in the 59th minute that would tally up the 2-0 victory. Next up is yet another game that should be exciting.

Saint Nash Courier
If you haven't heard it before, It's News to you!
SPORTS
Pheonix win 4th straight match.

A late goal by Ivy Habib kept Qazox from being upset at Bushdome. The third straight road shutout for Marc Klick, whose only allowed just 6 goals in 6 games, and just one over the last 4.

Ivy Habib got the winning goal in the 82nd minute after a series of passes between Cornelia Fuston, Brent Folks, and Reginald Gillispie left Habib open for a clear shot on net and the shot just sneaked under the left crossbar.

So with 6 of the final 8 games back in Qazox, the Pheonix are sitting in a good position to qualify for thier 11th straight World Cup.

Up first is The Macabees, at Irene Jacobvitz Stadium in Kibbutz next Sunday, rather than the usual Saturday, as not to offend the visitors, as it would be their Sabbath.


Scoring Summary:
Qazox:
Ivy Habib (2): 82'

Bushdome:
NONE

Hellispont Times-Herald
Trip-Aces beats Wombats

Before we report on the match with Krytenia, we here at the Times-Herald would like to apologize for reporting in error that this match was supposed to be against Allemenschen.

So against the scheduled opponent of Krytenia, the wombats were unprepared, as they too thought they were facing Allemenschen. The Aces responded quickly scoring 3 goals in the first half in the 3-0 win, which dropped the wombats into 5th place.

The Aces scored in the 15th, 23rd and 40th minutes, with Kennedy and Scotland scoring the first two goals and Lloyd scorign the 3rd.

Almost halfway through, and Green wombat needs to upset one of the top 3 if they are to advance. 3-0-0 against the bottom 4, so far, but 0-0-3 against the top 3 will leave the wombats at home preparing for yet another trip to the Cup of Harmony.

(ooc: LOL in my last RP, i counted down from myself to get Allemenschen as the next game... :$)

Akbarabad look to bounce back.

(Akbarabad Press,AP): The Akbarabad national team is looking to bounce back after a nationwide communications failure had cut off the whole nation from following the national team's progress. This may actuallyhave been a blessing for some given the team's horror run of three consecutive defeats , including games at home to Arroza and Prux by two goal margins. If the team, which has now slipped to fourth in the group is to qualify, the recovery has to start at their next match away to Rymeria.

Prux@WC45.com
Adverts knock off Septentrionia

The Adverts made it 3 in a row following a 4-3 win over a very tough Septentrionia squad. Lead by goals from Sonny the Cuckoo Bird and Energizer Bunny and a pair from Smokey the Bear, Prux improved to 4-1-1 in the qualifiers.

Up next for the Adverts a trip to 3rd place Arroza, in a match that could propel this team to a World Cup appearance.

Prux World Cup 45 Qualifying Schedule:

(all Home Matches to be played the hopefully completed Griffin Stadium in Pawtucket, Prux, Capacity 67,500, Pics not available at this time.)
@ Ierissos D 1-1
vs. Rymeria W 5-3
@ Milchama L 1-2
vs. Govindia W 6-1
@ Akbarabad W 2-0
vs. Septentrionia W 4-3
@ Arroza
vs. Ierissos
@ Rymeria (somewhere in Space, probably)
vs. Milchama
@ Govindia
vs. Akbarabad
@ Septentrionia
vs. Arroza
(RECORD 4-1-1)



Meet a Pruxian (Part 4 of an 12-part Series)

Kevin Smythe, South Quahog
Pic: http://tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:XJYkA1avMv8dxM:http://www.nypost.com/seven/04182008/photos/sports066a.jpg
Age: 47
Sex: Male
Occupation: Dock Worker

3 Questions with Kevin Smythe:

Q1: So, Kevin, what's your favorite sport?

A: Baseball. I follow the PBL as much as I can.

Q2: Who's your favorite player of all time?

A: Easy, that would be Hank Hill of the Hamburger Hill Giants. Dude could swat Homeruns with ease, not to mention he founded that town.
(Hank Hill pic: )
http://tbn2.google.com/images?q=tbn:6yYm56CA_giSSM:http://www.jsonline.com/sports/brew/image/2000/play/jt1005.jpg

Q3: Wierdest thing you've seen on the docks?

A: Once we had to unload a crate full of rabid tribbles. They broke out and were everywhere. My boss was pissed off at that.


(ooc: No, the pics aren't supposed to be the same, or else the joke wouldn't work. A happy point for the reasoning behind the 2 pics I am using for each posting... and yes this running gag will last as long as I last in the World Cup or someone determines the reason (please no guesses until after MD10!)

OOC at Prux: your stadium is done :)

IC post starts here

Kura-Pelland are suddenly top of the group. How, and why, is unclear, but it appears that the other top teams are playing even worse than they are. A dire match at Shanvley against Peisandros deserved to end in a 0-0 because frankly both sides deserved to drop at least two points, but it was Peisandros who dropped three courtesy of a Norbert Fiero tap-in in the 86th minute.

Bostopia are next, and general consensus is that they will beat Kura-Pelland handily to spark a revival. Kura-Pelland are still available, even with local bookmakers, at odds as long as 11/4 to win, although this has eased from 4/1 after a flood of patriotic betting. Given the standings, that probably looks wise, but you never ever know.

Hopes still continue to grow around Darius Lojeski, amongst other young players in the side; there is a real sense that this team is a work in progress and that eventually, though not this time around, they will lead Kura-Pelland to a second World Cup semi-final. Thomas Klubuchar is set to start against Bostopia and could be a real threat with his dribbling.

Back to back 2-0 victories may not have vaulted the Sarzonian national football team into qualifying position in their group, but the latest win, a 0:2 away result over Noasahi, has given the team some salve for their sagging confidence.

For that, manager Brian Wilson could look to the re-emergence of Reese Nichols as a goal scoring threat. His goal and an assist on Zack Wilson's marker gave Sarzonia more momentum for the three-forward offence Brian and new assistant coach Kevin Wilson are planning to unveil for the full 90 minutes against next opponent Terreiro de Ogum.

Brian Wilson could also thank goalkeeper Cody Taylor, who notched back to back clean sheets after a nightmare of a first half against Cafundéu. His defence, even playing without Spencer Hicks in an effort to prevent him from drawing an accumulation of yellow cards, stifled the Noasahi attack. His midfield thoroughly controlled possession, barely allowing Noasahi to even sniff a quality scoring chance.

No, earning the team's second win in six World Cup qualifying matches isn't going to vault the Stars into qualifying. It does little more than improve the team's spirits. However, it was a salve the team sorely needed.

No one on the team needed it more than its manager. He privately confessed doubts to younger brother Kevin after the Cafundéu away disaster about his own abilities to weather the storm even after Incorporated Football Federation chairman and former Stars manager Dave Wilson gave him a pep talk. The doubt was beginning to show on his face, and perceptive players like forward Matt Lynch could detect it.

No, the modest two-match winning streak doesn't put the Stars into World Cup qualifying. A home win to the world's No. 69 ranked side and an away win to an unranked side aren't going to scare anyone preparing for the Stars. But when the players look into Brian Wilson's eyes, they aren't going to see doubt. They aren't going to see sagging confidence.

They're going to see that uniquely Sarzonian determination and stubbornness. They're going to see a manager who believes in his team once again. That belief may not translate into a victory over Terreiro de Ogum in front of the faithful at Bryan Marshall Memorial Stadium in Woodstock. But what it can do is prevent the team from beating itself before the opening kickoff.

There's something to be said about that.

Purple Knights To Face Cassadaigua

In a land of Communism it is odd to find a rich man, a stabily poor man, or any sort of middle class. The point it has always been told was to make everyone monetary equals. Now in a Communism reward system that differs, but when it seems the only way you can get on the reward side of things is if your are part of the Communism party. That it seems those over 1 billion people have a shared wealth of twice the 1 billion Capitalizt and over 20 times the other partyholders in Taeshan. Nowadays it seems to be a Communist means to be richer then the rest and evryone else is now down in the world. Even when it seems the point is to make everyone equal, it has made evryone drift farther apart then ever before.

Now comes the biggest test of the season for the Knights. If you had asked any football fan at the begining of this season when the Qualifying draw was first announced who they though would be the biggest threat to the Knights, i bet over 90% of them would have stated Cassadaigua would be staning there trying to take third place in the group away from us. Now certainly at this point they are correct, and as the first meeting this season between the two comes up many can only hope the Knights game will be favorable on that day.

Blue Tornado To Face Big Challenge

In a year where heros save the world, and get the girl is it not time for that to happen ot are most noblelest of teams here in Kosovoe. We have waited a long time for this game the one we all lust to play tomorrow versus the squad from Bears Armed. If you asked the footballing world who was are biggest threats fro qualification most would answer Bears Armed and the fact that they are good puts in a predicameant. The Bears Armed team is pretty good as shown by there qualification for there first ever World Cup last year. Although that was suprising so was the Tornadoe's and tomorrow both teams will have a chance to proove the naysayers wrong and perhaps right. Well either way the Tornado come out looking bad as the winners or as the losers as both ways we crush a dream at least fro know.

BLIND MAGICIAN - "Things went a bit better, but not enough. We are in the fourth position, having just missed a golden opportunity to stay closer to the top three..."

ÍRIS - "This draw against Yafalonia and Bazor two is far from being a disaster."

BLIND MAGICIAN - "But the win could change everything for us... we'd be so close to the top three, with excellent qualification chances... now we have to work very hard in this second half of the qualifying stage in order to finally enter in another World Cup... and to save the existence of this team."

MESTRE KACET - "By the way, master, have you got any news about them? Are they getting prepared to take our place? For real?"

BLIND MAGICIAN - "Remember that I said they were going to take advantage of the fact that Cafundéu defeated us to press us to give our spot to them? Well, they gave us a note. It seems that the note came from their current president, some Letícia Sabin... it said that they are keeping an eye in our World Cup qualifying performance."

COBRADOR - "It is what we call a friendly reminder... don't forget that they have the law at their side, we have an agreement."

ZECA DA PONTE - "The thing that we wanted the least is happening now... if they sent this note, this really means that they want to force us to do our part in the agreement if we don't qualify this time... we can't let this team end like this, we have to work hard for the qualification!"

PINGUINHA - "We are already working hard, at least I am. If the results aren't coming, it's not our fault."

TRAMÓIA - "Maybe we should make even more rituals?"

PRETO VÉIO - "We are already making many of them... if the Orixás don't want to help us more than they are doing now, there is nothing more we can do. When we divided our team during that Sapoca Opaka incident, we maybe started to plot the end of our own National Team.

MESTRE KACET - "So, master... did they only sent this letter? Anything else?"

BLIND MAGICIAN - "Nothing else. As Leão said, it was a friendly reminder of the agreement, showing their intent to return if we fail to qualify."

PAI BERTO - "So this is nothing formal yet. The agreement says that they have to contact us formally showing that they want to activate the agreement, before the condition happens... this means, before we fail to qualify, if we fail."

ÍRIS - "But if they sent the letter, it's only a matter of time before they make this formal contact."

(knocks on the team club's door)

BLIND MAGICIAN - "Probably the formal contact came now."

PINGUINHA - "Don't open the door!"

BLIND MAGICIAN - "This won't change anything." (opens the door - a man wearing a yellow robe enters. There is a small blue ball floating around his head, in high speed)

GASPAR - "Hello, sir. I presume you are the one commanding the Terreiro de Ogum National Team?"

BLIND MAGICIAN - "Yes, that's right."

GASPAR - "Let me present myself. My name is Gaspar Aecalyopheno, I am from The Holy Empire. I am currently the representative of the other part of the agreement... this means, the team willing to take your place in the NationStates World Cup."

PAI BERTO - "Yes, we presumed."

GASPAR - "I see that getting the qualification will be pretty difficult for you, won't be?"

TRAMÓIA - "We are working hard for it, this is not yet over!"

GASPAR - "Yes, I see... but soon it will be. Now you don't have even the help of your "Gods"... hehehe... it's only a matter of time before our team is able to return, taking your place."

BLIND MAGICIAN - "And fail like they always did."

GASPAR - "I don't remember Terreiro de Ogum reaching a Cup of Harmony final..."

ÍRIS - "And I don't remember your team winning points in the World Cup... even less reaching the Round of Sixteen..."

GASPAR - "Yes, but now we are ready to change this. We had a good coach, but a limited one, doing only what it was programmed to do... now we have the source of all the tactical ideas that made our previous coach successful, the source that can produce even more strategies according to the situation... it will be a new era for us!"

BICHO GRILO - "And can I know who this incredible coach is?"

GASPAR - "Sure... it's by my side." (points at the floating ball)

ÍRIS - "A ping-pong ball?"

GASPAR - "More respect, young lady. This small ball is the living memory of the dead creator of our former coach. All the ideas and memories of Pascal Caelaphyluso are here. For me, this ball is the ultimate coach!"

PINGUINHA - "And how will it give orders to the players?"

GASPAR - "I can understand every info the ball sends to me... my link with Pascal allows me to do it. For years I was his apprentice."

BLIND MAGICIAN - "I guess you and this ball will have to wait... we aren't giving up!"

GASPAR - "Maybe not now. But soon..."

“…id of course pull that goal back through Kerrigan, but on the whol–”

“Terrible defending though. From a simple set-piece like that.”

“Sure, and it’s clearly something they have to work on, but as I say, on the whole, I didn’t see that as a bad result. You’re shaking your head though Iain, so…”

“No, look, as a result it was fine. It’s an away win, and not at an easy place to play either, so… I just think, y’know, on any given day, you could play that game again and we could lose three-nil. There was nothing in it, and…”

“That’s not acceptable, really, is it? Good as Cassadaigua are.”

“Exactly. They’re a very good side, that’s unquestionable, but aren’t we better? Surely? We got the early goal, w–”

“Great strike from Spooner…”

“Fantastic effort, but a blue-moon shot, wouldn’t you agree? And then we were just clinging on, battling away, playing god-awful football until Lopulalan just happens to get his head on a dodgy corner kick. You can argue we had them under control, but it was hardly pretty…”

“Dannat would no doubt argue that that’s hardly the point, though…”

“Sure, and he’d be right, in theory. But it was still really grim play at times, y’know? The very worst we saw Caires City get up to under his stewardship, basically. And I know he comes out with this stuff about how we just haven’t got the players right now to play good football, particularly against the Han and that lot, but… I just don’t buy that. Never have. Y’know, if this is a sport that only nought point nought nought nought one per cent of teams are good enough to play properly, then frankly we might as well pack up and go home. Watch the hockey instead.”

“No need to go that far, Iain, there are children watching…”

“Sorry. I’m simply saying that against Cassadaigua, y’know… We don’t have to be the guardians of free-flowing football or anything, but grinding out results like this just can’t work, not in the long term. Not these days. I know we’re not Bettia or the Eesseff or owt, but you’d think we could knock it about a tad smoother tha–”

“Remarkable, isn’t it?”

Snezhana Wlakantchovski nervously fiddled with the edges of her ring-binder. “I’m sorry, ma’am, I wasn’t really paying attention… Unless you were referring to an internal monologue rather than the screen, in which case I’m supposed to simper a bit and ask ‘What’s that, Madam President?’”

President Morton grinned. “Been a long day, has it, Snez?”

“Somewhat lengthy, mm. Sorry. What is it that’s especially remarkable today?”

“Oh, just the national football team. Don’t mind me; I’m musing aloud, really…”

The secretary relaxed. She felt more comfortable around subjects she knew nothing about. “It’s not really my thang, I’m afraid. Mum and Dad were both firstgens, and neither were really of the blue-and-green-boxer-shorts variety. Didn’t think they’d be staying here long enough to need to pretend to care about the ‘Big Blues’, or any of that sort of thing…”

“Refugees, didn’t you say once?” Morton yawned, sipping her coffee.

“Aye. Fleeing from Macedonian expansionism.”

Morton’s eyes narrowed. “I thought you were Macedonian…”

“Oh yes,” Snezhana replied cheerfully, “We just sort-of got caught up in all the enthusiastic fleeing and whatnot. Always ones to go with the tide, my folks. ‘Ere, are they all women?”

“The Cassadagans? Very much so. More Meghans and Kristens than you can shake a stick at, apparently. And it’s just amazing how perfectly natural that seems nowadays. Wasn’t so long ago we were deliberately trying to play down the notion that women were even capable of playing on an equal footing, never mind surpassing the chaps…”

“Easier to swallow than elves I should think, Mrs President. Or so I’ve heard. I think my little brother has their number fourteen on his wall… Sandwiched between that Lúthien Whatzerface and that volleyball bird. Schinn.”

“Oh, the one with the…”

“Mm, I think so. Married to yer man thingy, y’know…”

“Oh, the one who… Plays for… yeah. Him.”

“Aye. Er. Anyway, having ground ourselves to a halt on this particular subject; Mist–”

“What I really was finding remarkable though,” Morton interjected, plainly keen to share her musings with at least someone, “Is how rapidly they turn.”

“Um?”

“Football people. Pundits, supporters, the whole ‘community’. I’m no expert, God knows, but… That Dannat fellow appears to have done a decent job. Won a cup – one that involved any number of good teams as well. Made the knock-out stages of the World Cup under… trying circumstances, sad to say…”

“Yeah…”

“…won the first two qualifying matches of this campaign. Lost a couple, fine, but look, they’re still… is that our group table they’re showing? Still third. That’s a qualifying position, I think. The chaps with the 2 at the end of their name are in no better a position, certainly. And we actually won that match, and they’re still complaining that it wasn’t done with ‘style’. As if this country does anything in style. It’s like he can’t win with them, no matter what. They’ve decided he’s bad news and they’re going to hound him unti–”

“Ma’am…”

“Snezhana?”

“Sorry to interrupt, but I really should point out that Mister Mc O’Neil is waiting outside?”

“Outside? What, you just let him saunter up here and lounge about outside my office? Does he even have an appointment?!”

“Does he need one? Considering…”

“No, I… Oh God, show him in…”

Sam Mc O’Neil was eventually seated opposite the President, his pallidly perfect features contrasting unwelcomely with the dark clouds gathering under Morton’s eyes. Snezhana hovered awkwardly in a corner, before the President motioned towards her to switch off the silent screen.

“A positive result, I hear,” Mc O’Neil commented pleasantly, without turning round. “Good to see things back on track.”

“Mister Mc O’Neil, why do you have a goose under one arm?”

“You don’t see it catching on? Those ratty little dogs are so last year.”

“What do you want, ‘Sam’? If it’s still possible to call you that. Or should it be something with a circumflex in now?”

“Sam’s fine… Robyn. And that’s dangerously close to speciesism, don’t you think? And you know what I want…”

“And you’re not going to get it! How many times do we have to have this argument?! I’m not going to hand an entire island over to you, no matter what threats you care make, or wha–”

“I wasn’t aware I’d made any.”

“Oh, it’s not what you said, it’s the way you said it… Green Island has a democratically elected parliament and prime minister –”

“Who’s under lock and key as we speak, along with half his cabinet…”

“Never the less… I can’t just divvy pieces of the country up, allow you to act like some feudal lord of the manor, turning the island against the rest of us, telling them everything…”

Mc O’Neil put his head on one side. The goose glared at her smugly. “Please, President… Think this through, come on. What interest would I possibly have in revealing the mysteries of the worlds to a bunch of fishermen and assorted inbreds? They’d be utterly terrified, and dangerously so at that. Isn’t that the whole reason we’ve kept up this inane charade for decades?”

“Of course, but…”

“If the people of Green Island, or anywhere on the Candelarias for that matter, discovered I was a… half-elf, for want of a better phrase, they’d, well…”

“Tear you a new arse?”

Mc O’Neil smiled sweetly. “Your young assistant, as ever, has found the perfect words as the moment demands. I’d be the first one with a stake in my heart if push came to shove.”

“I’m sure some of your fellow pointies could whisk you off to safety…”

“That will do, Snezhana… No, Sam here wouldn’t want that, would he?. Then where would that leave him and his little kingdom?”

“Clearly we’re developing an understanding. You can’t imprison me. Or kill me, indeed. Or rather, you can, I’m sure, but you’re also well aware, no doubt, that I haven’t been idle these past few weeks. I have connections now, on Green. Hundreds, and quite possibly thousands, of individuals who have come to see me as something of a saviour. I can be persuasive like that. Comes with the ears. Certainly, amid endless rumours and speculation over football-playing bears and elves and, perhaps more to the point, the almost universally accepted fact that the government across the waters in Albrecht has been fibbing like nobody’s business for so very long…

“You have to face facts, Robyn. You’re losing Green Island. And you can keep assassinating the poo-stirrers all you like, but eventually, Robyn, there’s going to be rebellion. Pitchforks a-go-go. And I don’t want that anymore than you do. Bad for business, bad for my life chances. And you know that I can control them better than anyone. Your own personal choice for interim dictator, Mr Clitheroe, is failing. Only I have the influence, the knowledge… the guts.

“So. There it is. We can work together, to maintain the integrity of Green and the Candelariasian state, or we can die apart. I leave it in your hands.”

He stood up smartly, a slightly shocked goose following him as he wafted towards the door.

“I’ll let you know my decision,” Morton said quietly.

“Thank you,” the departing figure of the half-elf called back. “You’re good at making decisions, I know that much…”

He left them, the two women staring at each other grimly.

“So… What’s the deal with the goose? I have to ask…”

“A threat, Snezhana. And please don’t ask me any more than that, because I really do have a headache. Just… Get me Clitheroe on the phone. And have someone find out the breeding habitat of your basic goose.”

“Ma’am?”

“I’m sure we can carry off a passable marsh or damp moor in the gardens around the parliament building in Zapata, don’t you? Might as well make his lordship comfy… And Mc O’Neil.”

“Eh?”

Top of the World
Starblaydia keep up 100%

The welcome was all a little bit overwhelming for the new worldwide bestselling author. An entire 196,754 seater stadium rose as one to acclaim him - even those who thought he was a cunning trick in rather bad taste, as they didn't want to be seen on camera not applauding Simeone Di Bradini, all round national hero.

The Stadii Di Bradini itself was one of the more beautiful stadiums of the world, the type that people making fictitious football stadia copy a concept picture of in order to illustrate their grand design. It was that good, and it was completely full. Away in one of the corners, led by the slightly raucous Chaco-based fans, was a sea of gold and red spotted with fake beards, clip on bones-through-noses, and plastic inflatable clubs. The fans from the Holy Empire were in good voice at the stadium named after their nation's Assistant Coach. The rest of the stadium was filled with a seemingly living mass of white and purple shirts, with the occasional green and black colour thrown in for good measure. Starblaydia were welcoming their - admittedly thought dead - hero back home in his new incarnation as a coach for the first time. It had been twenty years since Simeone Di Bradini 'died' and 'ascended' to the Holy Empire and in that time most Starblaydi fans had simply come to accept that, yes, that was the actual Di Bradini, not some clone, carbon copy or sinister trick. The Holy Empire was known for being a strange place - at least the urban myths said it was a weird place - and the two pieces of information put together were generally accepted, if only with a slight raising of the eyebrows and shaking of the head afterwards.

The World Champions, Starblaydia, were hosting the oldest team still remaining in the world, the Holy Empire. To say it was something of an 'old versus new' contest would be stretching it, as unless the Empire play Ariddia, every team is a newbie compared to them. The stadium was rocking with anticipation of the two 100% record sides in Group 7 and, by the by, would be the last competitive home match for Starblaydia until Garlano on Matchday Twelve, some six games away. Though Starblaydia would host Sarzonia in this very stadium in the second of their Mike Sarzo Memorial Trophy matches, the men, women, dwarves and elves in white and purple would not be seen on Starblaydi soil for a good long while. The stadium was expectant of a great match, and they got one.

The attacking Frostican side were certainly out to score early, with Dug- and Bug-Ug both testing Starblaydia's back four, though they were marshaled excellently by Lousia Logan, one of three Starblaydi players recently selected to a 'Dream XI' by some sort of Rennidanian football onlooker: no complaints here. As it was, both Valrauncion and Dug-Ug produced fine saves from the opposing keepers, but it wasn't until the second half when the scoresheet was marked, by Rug-Ug.

A tense game had been in prospect, with both side's trying to take a old of the midfield so they could make a base from which to drive into the opposing half of the field. Well, the Starblaydi team was, while the Frostican team were more "Get ball off white-furs in round line in middle, then kick at net!". Either way, it was the same effect. Ug-Ug and Lug-Ug slowly began to take a hold in midfield, marking and challenging Ázëwyn Fëanáro largely out of the match at the beginning of the second half, with the pressure soon paying off. Crossing in from out wide, Hug-Ug lifted the ball into the penalty area, which was flicked on by Dug-Ug, for Rug-Ug to get on the end of and fire home beyond Taniquentar.

It was the first goal that Starblaydia had conceded in the World Cup Qualifiers and, just behind the figure of Tzimisces roaring in ferocious celebration, was Simeone Di Bradini with a broad, beaming smile on his face, his head dropped despairingly into his hands at the same time. A close-up camera was brought in just in time to catch him looking up into the night sky above, still smiling, close his eyes and shake his head softly in disbelief. Even the Frostican players celebrating on the pitch were gleefully pointing at their 'coach two', knowing exactly what they'd just managed to do. They were beating the World Champions, on their own turf. Lex Panarii and his team, however, had other ideas.

With Otarion Fanorin ineffectual, the elf was brought off for young Alessandro Gomes, who promptly moved in for Starblaydia to play a 4-3-1-2. Mus'haf played ball-winner, Vegachenko worked his socks off (later being replaced by Juan, such were his efforts) and Fëanáro did her best to sweep up the loose balls and keep a hold of possession for her team. Gomes, sitting in front of them, but behind the two strikers, soon made his impact. Whether an advanced midfielder, or a withdrawn striker, Gomes took a hold of the ball and did some magical things with it. He's two-footed, evidently, and makes his home just outside the opposition's penalty area anywhere from one touchline all the way across to the other.

Whenever he touched the ball, Starblaydia seemed to surge forward as he either beat a player, produced a dazzling trick or played in someone with a pin-point pass or through-ball. It was this movement that enabled Fëanáro to blast the ball in from around twenty-one yards, after he teed up the ball perfectly for her, with Starblaydia's national stadium going mad at the thunderous strike from the slightly-built elven lady. With five minutes to go the match was a superb end-to-end spectacle, both teams having ample opportunity to score the winning goal but for the efforts of Taniquentar and Mug-Ug. The telling moment, however, came when Valrauncion, winning a header at the far post, decided to knock it down into the area rather than head for goal. Gomes was there in an instant and the ball flashed low into the net. There were four minutes left, but it would be enough. As the teenage forward sprinted away with a roar of his own to match the crowd, Starblaydia kept their streak intact and had a new star in their firmament.

A trip away to Krytenia is now the way to finish this half of Qualifying, and a win would lay down a marker for Starblaydia's first ever successful defence of their title.

Final score from Stadii Di Bradini:
Starblaydia 2 - 1 The Holy Empire
(Fëanáro 67, Gomes 86) - (Rug-Ug 53)

Dancougar News!! Road Report
Who roleplays the roleplayers?

Wings bury Bear-Belles beneath breakaways: Shigeru Takeuchi has earned himself a stay of execution after rebounding from a disappointing road draw against the Invisible Wabbits. The Wings defeated Bears Armed 2-0 in the National Stadium as the top four teams in Qualifying Group Six continue to jockey for position.

This time, the Wings were a little more prepared for the psychological mind meld presented by the team of large, powerful she-bears. Perhaps the draw with the wabbits was a blessing in disguise, since it gave the Wings an opportunity to warm up against a non-human opponent. But the more conservative strategy drafted by Takeuchi bore fruit. Tight man-marking proved an effective means of reducing the number of Bear-Belle attack runs, and diligent refereeing ensured that nobody got manhandled.

Stefan Rosberg opened up the scoring in the 33rd minute after he slipped behind Borrinna o HighPeaks and accelerated to meet a long pass over the top from Lyle Dylandy. Judged onside, the speedy Rosberg had yards of space to operate in with no bear save the goalkeeper Urra Thunder, capable of catching him in just a few seconds. Rosberg controlled the ball with his first touch and scored with the second, a long curving shot that was placed high and just under the bar.

Voronzoff doubled the lead minutes later using the same play. The Wings were relying on the long ball all afternoon and usually ended up going offside, but Voronzoff timed his run just right so he'd be able to receive the ball in stride. The ball he received from Dwayne Landro in the 40th wandered a bit too the left but he chased it down. With HighPeaks and Urratharra o Strongpaw moving to cut down his shooting angle, Voronzoff made a harsh cut as HighPeaks overran the play, pulled the ball to his right foot, and unleashed a long shot that Thunder misjudged. It fell in to make it 2-0.

The Wings defended the lead throughout the second half by, shockingly, resorting to tactical fouls. But rather than being violent tackles from behind, these were rather cheap. The Wings would lightly tug at the Bear-Belle shirts and bump them on runs, knowing full well that it would do nothing to move the mammoth opponents but would draw a whistle from the referee thanks simply to the rules of the game. The Belles saw most of their attacks turn into free kicks, which the Black Wing defense were able to get behind and clear. Toward the end, the Belles started to get better and placing their free kicks on forwards' heads, but Luke Brengle was equal to the task.

Reporters prepare dueling banjos for trip to McLaughlins: Shigeru Takeuchi and the Wings have caught a lot of flak in this World Cup for not showing much improvement from their last run. Yet the Wings are solidly in the pack with thirteen points. Their one loss is looking like an aberration and since then they have four shutouts out of five matches. So why is everyone saying Takeuchi's job is on the line?

More than anything it might have to do with the quality of the teams around them rather than the Wings themselves. We said at the start that with four World Cup 44 qualifiers competing for three World Cup 45 spots, there was going to be a good team left out. And with the top four all within three points of each other and with nobody clearly breaking out of the pack, this assessment is looking to be correct.

The danger for the Wings is that they now face a brutal five-game road and has no home games left against their nearest competitors: the trip to Qazox follows the McLaughlin game, the whole road trip ends with Kosovoe, and a home match with the wabbits is a prelude to the journey to Plumtrees Park. In short, the Wings must show better road form than they did against the wabbits or they'll be in their first Cup of Harmony since their international debut. A win against the McLaughlins would be a good start.

Starting XI: Brengle; Bogart, Cecilia, Edrington, Heath; Dylandy, Florentino, Landro, Voronzoff; Dennin, Rosberg
Substitutes: Komarov; Berber, Samrov; Chojnacki, McNespy, Taketomo; Garbett

(The contents of this message, and even its very existence, are not common knowledge at the IC level...)

To: B.
Although my infiltrating P's team was part of the plan, and you said that I should try to "act naturally", am I supposed to be scoring this many goals for them?

From: 700.

Courtney’s Space

Coming home to play Candelaria And Marquez was an exciting moment for yours truly and an example of how much progress we have made as a country in this competition. We may or may not qualify for the World Cup. You’re reaction at the stadium was incredible with the load ovation and the signs that believe me, I saw. At this stage of my career, however, it would not be a wise move for me to come back home to play and I am very happy with playing for Tenderville United. We could not get ourselves a victory in the contest, and in the tightly fought group, we have slipped into a three way tie for second place with Greal just a point behind the tie. This could end up as being one of the most hotly contested qualifying groups going because I know that we will hang tough and I think Greal will be the same way. More on the game in a bit. I was touched by a fan who came up to me, 19-year old Stephanie McIntyre, who was from Tenderville, Nethertopia, but moved to Cassadaigua and officially became a Cassadagan citizen a few months ago. She explained her situation to me and told me, “When I heard about Cassadaigua, I liked what I heard so I read more into it and I told my parents that this is where I want my future to be. They were skeptical but I told them that I was going to move. When they visited for the first time, they decided to move too. Nothing against Nethertopia, we just loved it here. I don’t know why you wanted to leave.” It’s nice to see that I may have played a role in the decision of that young lady to make a major decision with her life, and that soccer in general played a part. One day, maybe, we will attract players from other countries. Tenderville is a nice city though and I would encourage people who had the means to do so, to make a visit.

One fan, Renee Edmonds of Burton City had an interesting question for me, “Courtney since right now Candelaria And Marquez is a better team and since you play there do you ever wish you could play for their national team?” In a word, no. I am proud to represent Cassadaigua at all times. Now, on that subject I may have wondered where I would stand if I were eligible to play for them given the excellent forwards that also play here, and honestly, I don’t think I would make the team. But I am very happy to be playing for my country.

Now about the game, this is why you clicked on my blog to begin with, isn’t it? The early goal that they scored put us in a hole early. David Spooner is a good young player, I’ve played against him a few times as he plays for Caires City, which is a very strong team in the league. He just has that touch when it comes to scoring goals, like we have seen Stacie Kerrigan do here. Put Stacie on Caires City and she’d have as many goals as him. David, if you’re reading, that’s not a shot on you, but a prop for Stacie. We played pretty evenly after that, but since we gave up a goal in the 5th minute, we needed to do a little more then that, and the Big Blues would be more then happy with keeping things as they were. Stayed that way through halftime, and early in the second we were able to get an equalizer. Joel Sbaiz prevented me from scoring, but on the corner which Meghan Burns delivered beautifully, Stacie was in perfect position and she buried it just like she does best. Great shot my Miss Kerrigan, and maybe the Big Blues misread where she would be on the play as she did seem to have more room then I know their defense would have wanted her to have had. Sometimes Gwynfardd Lopulalan can get confused on set pieces, something I whispered to Stacie prior to a corner kick we had earlier in the half. There’s not a lot of information I can provide on their players, and unfortunately not on Sbaiz because he plays in Yafor 2, but in that instance, I think it may have helped. The tie game situation didn’t live long as Candelaria And Marquez responded four minutes later, and we would not be able to respond. We will play Taeshan next and look to defeat them on the road. We have proven that we are a contender, but a win here would go a long way in trying to get us into that top three. A draw would probably do, but I never think that way. We want a win.

(from the diary of Bob Smith / ‘Arri Thunder’…)
12th March, 2011AD [Greg.]

2-0. Not the win that we were hoping for, or even the draw that was the most we thought reasonably possible, but certainly not an absolutely overwhelming defeat either... and Dancougar’s “Black Wings” are supposed to be very good, even if we did manage to hold them to a 0-0 draw back in the group stage for the previous Cup. Well, maybe we’ll be able to claw back at least one point when they come here for the return game in a few week’s time...
So, that drops us down to fourth place in the group – with an actual difference in points, rather than just a worse goal-difference between us and the teams currently holding the higher place. Having said which, however, this is still a better position than the one we were in at the same point last time around... and it’s still less than halfway through the qualifiers, after all.
Next: Kosovoe. The group’s 3rd–ranked nation, some way above us in the NSWCC tables, and actually topping the group after the latest set of games. They’ve been doing well, but we should be able to take them... especially at home. And, considering how things are going, this is a match that we almost need to win if we’re to retain any credible hope of getting into the World Cup itself. The local fans will be out in force, of course ("BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!"), and the team has been rehearsing a new -- and hopefully even more intimidating -- version of the pre-game harrdiharr in what little spare time they've had from actual Soccer training.
Talking of intimidating: after some thought, and after discussing the matter with Harroya and Marra, I’m bringing Beorra o Barrdenn back into the starting line-up.
Oh well, must go now _ BAAS is paying for me to take all of the team, and all of the coaching crew and physios and so on too, out to dinner as a morale-booster. There’s a new ’Baranxti’ restaurant that’s just opened up in the ‘Neutral Park’ neighbourhood, to good reviews in the papers, and we’ve got a whole room reserved there for the evening. Now, let's just hope that us 'managment' types can manage to keep the players fairly sober.

(OOC: in this RP there are references to 3 different songs. This will happen again in the RP about WC42 - this means, the WCs I hosted)

OLHO NO LANCE! - YOUR SPORTS MAGAZINE
Partner of Globo Multimedia

WORLD CUP 45 - the qualifiers - full coverage
Written by Sílvio Ruiz with comments by Breno Gavião (from TV coverage)

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EVERYTHING GOING UP FOR MONOPOLISTS

Finally we hope the bad times are gone! The critics of the National Team (we aren’t part of this group!) were already stalking the members of the team at all places to try to find an opportunity to blame them for a mistake, I think they even installed cameras on their dressing rooms and homes, as if they were part of an extreme authoritarian dictatorship! But, with this victory against Sorthern Northland, which is currently the leader of our World Cup qualifying group, Cafundéu can start to prove the talent of the team to everyone, both inside and outside the country. Playing against Sorthern Northland at their home was considered a complicated game in the schedule, as that could be tension between both teams, due to the differences between the countries. All children in Cafundéu are teached to be beware of the savage jaw of Sorthern Northland citizens. But the victory came, and everything went up: number of points, of wins, confidence, morale, respect, even number of goals suffered!

THE GAME: when the game started, it was clear that both teams were with a feeling of revenge for “the treason that I knew in 42”, when players from the Sorthern Northland team were arrested before their game against Cafundéu for the Round of Sixteen due to not paying the taxes that they had to pay. For the Sortherners, Cafundéu did that just to have some advantage in that game. For the Cafundelenses, it was the deserved justice for not paying the taxes, and sometimes they even complain to the Justice Minister the fact that the players were only arrested for one day: “you said it would last!” The Minister usually answers: “That was enough. Who could ask for more?” Another curious fact that happened was the presence of U-21 Sorthern Northland NT coach Chicão Trombada as the team’s coach of the game, due to the unavailability of both coach Merginn Moffat and assistant Ross Gaynor. Upon discovering this, the referee seemed to be much more nervous in the game.

The game itself, football-wise, wasn’t the most interesting point of the game. Cafundéu opened a 2x0 lead in the first half, with goals scored by Hubert and Serrano. In the second half, Sorthern Northland seemed ready to react, scoring a surprising goal with Feng Shui, one of the players that wanted revenge the most, as he was one of the arrested players back in WC42. But the hopes of a reaction of the home team ended when Hubert scored his second goal of the game, and third of his team. Chicão Trombada complained of offside in the play, threatening the referee with a gun while invading the field naked and extremely drunk. He became shooting up on anything, but missed all his targets. Then started shouting at the referee, saying that he was going to split the referee’s pretty cranium, and fill it full of air. It took 10 minutes before someone crazy enough would take Chicão out of the field. After that, the Monopolists had just to control the ball waiting for the game’s end.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT (Hubert’s second goal – third of the game): “Ball in the midfield, and it is Marrrrrrossi holding it. Nice pass to Serrrrrrrrano at his rrrrright side, long crrrrrross now to Rrrrrrenildo, he makes a nice drrrrribble over Labbé. Crrrrrrosses the ball to the arrrrrrea, Hubert appearrrrrs for the header... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Check a rrrrreplay now! Hubert, number nine! Cafundéu with thrrrrree, Sorrrrrtherrrrrn Norrrrrthland one! And look, the Sorrrrrrtherrrrrrn Norrrrrthland team memberrrrrrs in the bench arrrrrrre furrrrrious, they ask for offside! Chicão Trrrrrrrombada takes off his clothes and invades the field naked, with a two litrrrrrres bottle of beer in a hand and a gun in the other! Arrrrrrre you looking for a vehicle, arrrrrre you looking for a rrrrrrride? So check a Velog car dealerrrrrrship rrrrright now and meet your new love!”

INTERVIEWS, WITH JORGE LANG: well, surely a good victory in a very interesting game, both inside and outside the field... with this victory Cafundéu wins three more points, and now is in a better situation in group eight of the World Cup 45 qualifiers. I talked with the coach David Nefasto, who said: “I’m sure that there was no doubt that the game against Sorthern Northland was the most important for our team in this first half of the qualification stage. So, I am glad that we were able to win it, with a deserved and unchallenged victory. Keeping these performances we can get the qualification without major problems. Soon after I finished the interview with Nefasto, Chicão appeared running to shout again at the referee, saying: “Come see, come see, remember me? Yes, you ignored me during the game, but now I am back to teach you a lesson!” Then he started running after the referee, who left the stadium with the speed of Flash.

SORTHERN NORTHLAND 1x3 CAFUNDÉU

Place: James Connolly Stadium, Beningrad.
Attendance: 150,000 people
Time: 19:00 Cafundelense time (22:00 local time).
Climate: clear, 20ºC.
Referee: Darren Fox (Bazalonia).
Assistants: Aégo Matsuren (Starblaydia) and Ernani Ruiz (Starblaydia).
POTM: Hubert (Cafundéu).

SORTHERN NORTHLAND: Gaudet; Labbé, Parker, Cooper and Mills (Lenin 45’); Higgins, Uang Shi (Feng Shui 45’), Edwards and Krofcky; Hyi-san and Andrews (Waywide 45’).
Coach: Chicão Trombada.

CAFUNDÉU: Kardec; Cícero, Renildo, Titov and João Carlos (Datena 82’); Silveira, Fabinho (Cotuba 45’), Serrano and Marossi (Abreu 70’); Alves and Hubert.
Coach: David Nefasto.

Goals:SNO: Feng Shui 68’.
CAF: Serrano 25’ , Hubert 40’/73’.

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WORLD CUP 36 - GLOBO MULTIMEDIA'S ARCHIVE
World Cup 36 - Overview

"For the first time ever, The Monopolist Empire of Cafundéu hosted a World Cup. It was a marvellous event, with the thirty-two best countries in the world playing good football, both in our country and in Commerce Heights. Ariddia and Errinundera are playing right now the extra time of the World Cup final, in Commerce Height, to close this excellent cup. Surely an excellent final with two legendary nations. Nations like these, although they just glide in and out of the World Cup, participating for a long time, leaving and then returning, never die, they just go to sleep one day. This cup, although will probably see another title of Ariddia, who has just scored a goal, also had some good surprises, as Bostopia and Zwangzug. We could also comment about Cafundéu, which had a good performance after not qualifying last time, and qualifying now as hosts. We reached the quarterfinals, and there was hope for more, but sadness came when we decided it couldn't be done."

"Talking about Cafundéu's campaign in this World Cup, it all started with a much expected victory over The HURD. With such a difficult group, having to play also with The Archregimancy and Wentland, qualification was much commemorated. Also, the win in the second round gave the supporters even more hopes, when the Monopolists were scheduled to face Zwangzug in the quarterfinals. But the opponents seemed well prepared to play against our team, even not having a goalkeeper. Eddie Barnes, in the beginning of the game, shouted when Heitor tried to score and he deflected the ball: "I'll never let you go!" With Zwangzug holding the advantage in the scoreline, the coach Júlio Vargas searched desperatelly for changes in the strategy, ordering his players: "Let's find another way!" or "Let's take another way in!" But, in the end, unfortunately, the loss came and Zwangzug advanced to the semifinals instead of the hosts."

"Ah, but we have good news too. After Estresse Intenso surprisingly entered in the World Cup after qualifying in Group One, they went to a group full of dangerous teams. They claimed to be strong with their new coach. President Landau said the team would be perfect in the field. The Institute held his hand, gave their pledge, and he told them his scheme for a coaching machine. In the qualifiers, it went well. Its logic won games, gave their goals... how they adored till the World Cup came. The difficulty of the games combined with The Machine's prepotence lead to a crisis in the "mind" of the coach-machine. While The Machine claimed "I perceive every sign, I can steal every mind", this didn't happen in the field, with Estresse Intenso losing all of its games. Frustrated with the loss, it said: "Don't let me stay." Poor Landau Institute people. Their hope was crushed. They deserved it. After all, you can't stake your team with a coaching machine."

WORLD CUP 45 QUALIFYING- GAME #6- Newmanistan (0-3-2) at Draistania (2-1-2)

Final: Draistania 1-3 Newmanistan (How nice it is to finally win again!)

Scoring: DRA: #11 (67')
NEW: Carlson (9'), McAllister (29'), Prescott (63')

Bookings: DRA: #3 (11'), #7 (33'), #12 (75') NEW: None

Overall Team Performance: 9

Individual Performances:
GK: Chris Kusler: 9
LB: Jeremy Brooker: 10
LCB: Bobby Foley: 9
RCB: Shawn Loughran: 10
RB: Alex Lampert: 10
LM: Kyle Carrigan: 9
CM: Alex Parnett: 9
RM: Billy Prescott: 10
LS: Jeremy McAllister: 10
ST: Brett Carlson: 10
RS: Jennifer Vilardi: 9
(Sub): Chris Johnston (69' for Foley): 9
(Sub): Robert Selvy (69' for Parnett): 9
(Sub): Shannon Vilardi (77' for J. Vilardi): 9
(Coach): Brian Carson: 9

Game Notes: Finally, Newmanistan gets one in the win column, and with it being against Draistania, it’s a pretty good result against one of the teams that has been looking to take advantage of the Rockets early struggle. The Bostopian Empire, at 4-1-1, looks to be our nemesis right now and perhaps the Monks will us some help in MD7. Shawn Loughran started for the first time as he replaced Scott LaFave, who was sitting the game out due to his red card against Vephrall. Loughran was extremely impressive, and has looked good in his role as a sub as well and this has been noticed. Gamsuk FC, a club side in Daehanjeiguk and the Concord City Lions have announced that Loughran has been transferred to the Han-based side. Financial details were not disclosed. Shawn will become the first Newmanistanian to play professionally in Daehanjeiguk. Billy Prescott scored the first goal of his senior club career in the second half as the two more familiar goal scorers made it a two goal cushion in the first half. Draistania, who could not match the energy that Newmanistan had for this game managed to pull one back shortly after the Prescott goal, but Carson made sure it would not amount to anything with some substitutions, including adding Robert Selvy at Alex Parnett’s expense and playing with a five-man backfield for the final twenty minutes. It was Selvy’s debut at senior level. The Rockets conclude the first half qualifying at Centralia Stadium against Kemball Island, who is six for six in the loss column so far with a -18 goal differential. So yeah, Newmanistan should win this one, ‘eh?

UG-UG'S DIARY

An Imperial Neolithic Odyssey


Ug-Ug not write for three days now.

Ug-Ug know this is bad, and that lots of fans are sad, but is hard to write a lot.

It make Ug-Ug frown when he try to make pen say things on page.

But Ug-Ug back now!

Fans can smile!

First match Ug-Ug missed was with strange All-place.

We win one-nil; not bore you with that.

Then we play team from Green Wom Bat

Ug-Ug not sure what green wom bat is.

Think must be bat with green fur from place called 'Wom'.

Ug-Ug think this strange.

Wom bat team soft; they not want to play with rocks.

Wom bat team tell ref they not want to play with rocks.

Ref is monk man who like Ug-Ug and team.

Monk man force wom bat team to play with rocks.

Team soon up four - nil in first half of game with wom bats.

Then Pug-Ug and Mug-Ug see nice gold coin that shines!

Ooooooooooh!

Thing that shines in sun!!!!

Then wom bat team come out for next half with things that shine on wrists and necks.

Ooooooooooh!

Things that shine in sun!!!!!

Then sun goes out when clouds come.

Ug-Ug not sure how clouds can come when match is played in cave, but Dreamed Realm is strange place.

Ug-Ug looks up, andscore is four-four!

Wom bat team used things that shine to cheat!

This make Ug-Ug mad, so Ug-Ug score late goal to win game.

When match done, coach one and coach two shout at team.

They mad we let things that shine in sun get in way.

They let us know if we do this when we play coach two's home in next match, coach two's home will beat us by lots of goals.

Ug-Ug knows this bad thing, but he like things that shine in sun.

Will try not to look at them next time.

We then play coach two's home.

They like coach two there!

Lots and lots and lots of men and girls cheer for coach two!

Ground is named for coach two!

Small group of men from our home come to match too.

They dress like Ug-Ug and team!

This make Ug-Ug smile.

Match had good at... atmo... atmos...

Ug-Ug frown now; that word too long - Ug-Ug will use small words to mean same thing:

Crowd at ground smile and chant and cheer and make loud noise, and all are filled with joy and smiles.

It was good game.....

Coach two's home are tough - though they did use soft balls.

They run fast and kick hard and test team lots.

But Rug-Ug score first with great goal from pass from Dug-Ug.

This first goal coach two's home let in so far this World Cup!

And is scored by team!

Ug-Ug and team pound chests and make loud sounds.

But coach two's home known as top team, and then they show us why.

Though we score first, coach two's home score next two.

We try to win, we try so hard....

We try and try and try.....

Game is now what coach one call 'end to end stuff'.

But coach two's home man in goal just too good.

So though we give coach two's home their top test this World Cup, team still lose.

Ug-Ug sad - but not too sad, for we did try hard and matched top team for long time.

I ask coach two how he feels now team play his old home and lose.

Coach two say he not know if he should laugh or cry.

Ug-Ug know how he feels.

KEY VICTORY FOR FUTURE PLANS

The game against Koseli Cumheriyetler was big for both teams. Secristan and the Koselis are both teams on the bubble of trying to qualify for this world cup as the fourth and fifth seeded teams in the group. Neither may make it, but there is likely only room for one of them to make the run at the top three. That is why this game was big and the fans knew it, and so did the players. On the field, we were treated to some outstanding soccer by both countries with exciting back and forth action. For a couple minutes, it looked as if Koseli was going to score, and then for a few minutes afterward, it looked like it would be the Millionaires. This cycle had everyone in the place standing and the sound of rattling amplified coin jars was about as loud as it could get. The only two likely not enjoying this were Michael Rossiter and Orhan Kose as each goalkeeper were challenged by many different goal socring opportunities. This is what our fans needed to see and what the Secristan Department of Sports has been hoping for since the start of the qualifying. A high scoring game that takes place as one of the matches that drew a lot of pay-per-view purchases, and a sold out stadium. The teams each had one goal in the first half. For the Millionaires, it was Chris Coventry on a strike from nearly thirty yards out that had a good dip on it at the perfect time to get in under the crossbar. With Koseli leading 2-1 early in the second half, James Rogan set up Kevin Walker for a game tying goal in the 71st minute. Neither team was going to play for this draw, each pressed for the go-ahead goal, and in the 85th minute, Rogan would be the scorer and the Millionaires would hold on to the 3-2 victory. Secristan is tied for third in the group with the next match against last place Forn Parts.

The Secristan Department of Sports had anticipated high sales for this match and they exactly what they were looking for. They are not only happy with the victory, but also are elated with the way that happened, in an offensive showdown. This is what the fans want to see. The SDOS is also really happy about the Millionaires present position on the group table, and the fact that there is a lot of time still left to go is seen as a good thing. It puts them in a position where they can market the team as having a legitimate shot, something they didn’t have at this point four years ago and they should be able to get a few games off of that marketing campaign even in the team hit the skids for a little bit. The Forn Parts game will probably be the difficult sale due to their last place standing, but the SDOS has a plan to generate interest among Secristanis to purchase the pay-per-view telecast. Our SDOS rep Katie Simpson explains the plan, “Fans who purchase this game will receive the purchase price off of our first game of the World Cup Proper of the Cup of Harmony, so in a sense, they would be getting this game for free. It allows us to try and get a profit for this game, and certainly those games, if were to make it will be priced higher this one, so we would still get a profit from them, and our fans would also get a discount if they purchase this game against Forn Parts.” Additionally, the SDOS has lowered the cost of the game to 29R per half and 55R for the full game as opposed to the original plan of 49R per half and 95R for the full game. The original rates were set on some hype that this Forn Parts team could be an entertaining group to watch, but they really haven’t been able to live up to any of it, and will now be treated like a last place team as far as the cost per game is concerned.

Slip up against Lurikastan and loss to Kura-Pelland halts progress.

The Sandrian team has hit the wall. Firstly they failed to beat Lurikastan at home, drawing 2-2, then lost to Kura-Pelland 1-0 on the road. The loss puts Peisandros back down to fourth in group nine and qualifying is looking harder and harder. Their next game against Mantwenic now appears to be a must win, as nothing but the full three points will suffice. Coach Alexander Pappas has decided to make a few changes for the game, with the defence in need of suring up after the five goals in the last three games. He has also made a change at keeper -- again showing he has no problems dropping his son.

"I've talked with Urias at length about the changes. We were both reluctant to make to many because this group of guys can really get it going on their day. Perhaps a bit of complacency crept in after our reasonably good start so we just need to refocus and get the head back on to playing good football and winning some more games.

At keeper, we've decided to give Calisto a break and bring in Dorian. He's an experienced player and has performed at this level before, so we're confident he'll be able to step up straight away. In defence, Kallias Manos makes way for Bion. That's a straight swap and Kallias knows his game has just slipped the last few outings. But he's training hard and really wants to get back on the pitch so it's good to have that competition for places. The second change sees the Lukes changing around -- Sisinis makes way for Erasmus. Sisinis actually picked up a toe injury at the beach yesterday and he wasn't feeling flash so Erasmus gets his chance, which he has worked very had for. There is also one change in midfield which sees Apollodoros getting a rest for the hugely promising Athanasios Krestenitis, who had such a quality Di Bradini Cup. Athanasios is another who has been working very hard to crack in to the eleven and we know he is ready to make his debut -- we're looking forward to a strong showing from him.

In other injury news, we're keeping a pretty close eye on Costa for the moment. He's been complaining of a sore shoulder muscle lately, but it hasn't been bad enough to warrant a game off. William Pipinelis is working with Costa to try and help with the pain but he has needed a few pain killers before each game. Lefteris is game fit and ready if we need to rest Costa which we may do for the friendlies. For now though we are content and Cos doesn't seem to worried by it, so there's not much else we can do other than monitor and prepare. Lastly Will has also been spending a lot of time with defender Nikos Maximos, who is struggling with fitness due to a recurring knee issue but we expect him to be fine if we call upon him later in the qualifying stage."

Urias Halkias spoke about the team becoming just that -- more team focused.

"As coach mentioned we probably got a bit complacent, but I also think there were to many individuals out on the field too. It isn't a problem we've had to deal with before so it could be a good thing to address now rather than later. It was actually vice captain Costa who brought it up, he had noticed in his own game and thought it best to bring the issue to me and coach. We watched a bit of tape and noticed players were a bit more selfish than usual which isn't the right thing for a football team looking to qualify. So from there we discussed it with the team and a few of the guys were a bit embarrassed, but I think we should be on the right track now. I guess we'll find out against Mantwenic."

Full Schedule.
Pre Friendlies
vs Bears Armed @ National Sports Arena, Olympia. 2-1.
Qualifying Stage One.
vs Bostopia @ National Sports Arena, Olympia. 0-1
vs Colbourne @ People of Ephesum Stadium, Ephesum. 1-0
vs Bazalonia @ Peisandros Bowl, Delphi. 1-0
at Edward City. 4-2
vs Lurikastan @ People of Ephesum Stadium, Ephesum. 2-2
at Kura-Pelland. 0-1
vs Mantwenic @ National Sports Arena, Olympia.
Mid Friendlies
vs Jeruselem @ National Sports Arena, Olympia.
at Ad'ihan.
Qualifying Stage Two.
at Bostopia.
at Colbourne.
at Bazalonia.
vs Edward City @ People of Ephesum Stadium, Ephesum.
at Lurikastan.
vs Kura-Pelland @ National Sports Arena, Olympia.
at Mantwenic.
Post Friendlies
vs Myedvedeya (Unsure where).
at Krytenia.
at Taeshan.

THE MONASTIC FOOTBALL ASSOCIATION
BRINGS YOU

THE FEAST OR SAINT OF THE DAY

The solid victory over Newmanistan, the crushing defeat of the Kemball Islands, and the worryingly narrow win over Panuul

The Triumph of Orthodoxy

Three wins in a row, mused Fr. Anthony - a solid recovery after a typical Archregimancy wobble in the opening three matches. How appropriate, then, that this should be the Sunday of Orthodoxy, the first Sunday of Great Lent, when all true Orthodox celebrated the final triumph of the iconodules over the iconoclasts.

Fr. Anthony remembered the words of the Empress St. Theodora, spoken in the presence of the Patriarch Methodius and the other confessors and righteous men on the final restoration of the icons in 842: "If anyone does not offer relative worship to the holy icons, not adoring them as though they were gods, but venerating them out of love as images of the archetype, let him be anathema."

And while this was something his God-fearing monastic team took for granted, was it not also true that of late the atheistic Hypocrians had also achieved success upon venerating the holy icons? Well, one holy icon, anyway, but Fr. Anthony considered that a worthwhile start.

Three wins in a row... truly the theme of this day was victory of the True Faith. Was not one of today's readings from St. John's first epistle "This is the victory that overcomes the world, our faith"? Perhaps it was true that The connection of the victory over iconoclasm with Great Lent was purely historical; perhaps it was mere coincidence that the Empress Theodora had chosen the first Sunday of Lent for the first Triumph of Orthodoxy, and perhaps it was even more coincidence that the squad's recent fine run of form had coincided with both. But Fr. Anthony felt that, perhaps, greater forces had been at work of late.

Not that Fr. Anthony was blind to the spiritual themes of the day. The Gospel lesson that he had read out to the team in the pre-match liturgy has been - as it always was this day - John 1:43-51: "'You will see greater things than these.' And He said to him, 'Most assuredly, I say to you, hereafter you shall see heaven open, and the angels of God ascending and descending upon the Son of Man.'" The catechumens of the early church, and the faithful preparing for Pascha today, were always told that, with faith, they would see the the fulfillment of all promises, and the manifestation of the Kingdom, through the Incarnation, in the Church.

While Fr. Anthony knew that it might be a bit much to expect all of those things to come to pass this World Cup campaign, he would gladly settle for - after all of those tournaments of bleak underachievement - some sort of fulfillment of the promise the squad was showing in training.

The quarter-finals, at least, would be nice, he thought - and, with faith, perhaps even achievable. Faith and a bit of luck...

Greali World Cup Qualifying Schedule
MD1: Greal VS Daehanjeiguk (2-2)
MD2: Greal VS Candelaria And Marquez (2-3)
MD3: Greal VS Mo Land 3 (4-0)
MD4: Greal VS Achtervolging (1-1)
MD5: Greal VS Cassadaigua (1-0)
MD6: Greal VS Taeshan (3-2)
MD7: Greal VS Albundania
MD8: Greal VS Daehanjeiguk
MD9: Greal VS Candelaria And Marquez
MD10: Greal VS Mo Land 3
MD11: Greal VS Achtervolging
MD12: Greal VS Cassadaigua
MD13: Greal VS Taeshan
MD14: Greal VS Albundania

Greal VS Albundania Preview

Greal will be playing Albundania after yesterday's victory over Tasehan. Albundania has the misfortune of losing 6 times straight, making it the lowest team in the group. However, this does not mean victory will come easily. There are always times when a unexpected low ranked time takes down a much higher ranked opponent. Ross Trent says this match should be in the bag and his team was high in morale following victories over Cassadaigua and Taeshan. Greal will be playing with standard formation as usual. Greali Weather Service reports possibility of light rain and Television Service finally gave out an estimate on numbers, 1.1 billion viewers.

In other matches...

Taeshan will be playing Cassadaigua today to see who dominates in that field.

Daehanjeiguk will be playing Achtervolging.

Battered Mo Land 3 will be playing Candelaria And Marquez.

-------------------------------------------------------

JOESPH'S ONLINE BLOG

A victory over Taeshan. Nice. I'll have time to watch the match against Albundania today. Probably on the rooftop as usual, to keep an eye on Sasha as usual. I would like to report there will be a blogger's meeting at Ramp's Place on Liberty 3 Street.

---------------------------------------------------------------

"Game against Albundania. What did you bet on?" asked Ross the the gathering group of men in front of him.

"I bet an outright win and eight hundred bucks." answered Roger.

"You Brian?"

"Narrow win, four hundred dollars." said Brian, struggling to find a way to put on his tiny coat.

"Ethan?"

"Draw, six hundred dollars." said Ethan.

"Jeffrey?"

"Call me Jeff." corrected Jeff, "Outright win, eight hundred dollars."

"Alright, I got this all marked on."

"This is your house?" asked Roger, amazed."

"Yes it is. A bit dirty but it'll do."

"You got beer?" asked Brian, only happy to take off his jacket.

"Yes, got us several packs, they're in the fridge."

Brian walked over to grab the beer."Anything yet?"

"Yeah, the TV is working." remarked Ethan. "Previews are already starting and I'm not ready."

"Now you are."

(OOC: I didn't have time to write a post about the match against Taeshan yesterday.)

Super Quick Shots From Around the Soccer-Sphere!

Last Game at Home for a while...after tonight's game against the Pruxian Commercials, the Tar Hornets go on a brutal road swing with games at Bears Armed, Vephrall, Rymeria, Govindia, and Septentrionia.

Reinforced nets bought for match...as two of the most potent offenses meet at Dino-Go! Stadium in Refinery tonight. Between the two teams they've scored 36 goals and allowed 20 in 6 matchdays.

Around the Group...Tonight's slate in Group 3 includes
Akbarabad @ Rymeria (Here's hoping for space lag and a 1-1 draw.)
Milchama @ Govindia (Govindia knew the job was dangerous when they took it.)
Ireissos @ Septentrionia (Znoozefest.)

Interlude:

“What do you mean you're not going to do anything malicious for the Prux game! Are you freaking daft? They're second in the group! They're a bunch of advertisements? We've got history! What do you mean, nothing! Explain your self Killarney!”

“Simply put? Prux knows were coming. We've done way too much against them to even get away with anything this time. They're not even staying in Arroza proper, they're staying somewhere else in Atlantic Oceania and flying in the day before the game.”

“What have we ever done to Prux?”

“Well let's see. You got snipers to line the arena and take potshots at their players during the match in World Cup 42, possibly injuring zombie Zinedane Zidane. Then two years ago, you got us to steal liqour from them and replace it with synthohol, which may be the reason why none of the “Drunken Irishmen” are in good enough shape to play in this World Cup. Then you let your own goalie coach take the blame and threaten to kill them the next time he sees them...by the way, did you ever tell Quintero what happened? Because he's still on the warpath, probably.”

“Okay, but that's not a reason to skip this match. We ne-e-e-e-ed this one, man. Prux's got the best offense in the Cup so far.”

“Actually it's a perfect reason to skip this match, and by the terms of our contract which is determined on how the team does, and not how many acts we pull, we're doing well enough to quit, probably after Matchday 10. Look, let's be innocent for a second, and then when we strike, we can make sure to do it when it does the most damage. It'll be a lot easier and more effective to wait until Matchday 14 to work the Adverts.”

“Fine, Killarney, but you better know what the hell you're doing.”

There was plenty of, albeit understated, criticism of the Autokrator’s decision to ban all travel to the breakaway region of Mordavia. Turns out it was an act of kindness from the Autocracy’s benevolent despot. Had anyone been there they would have witnessed a fairly turgid display of football against a side not exactly storming up the world rankings. Had they been there, which of course they weren’t, they would have seen a side seemingly totally devoid of confidence and self belief. They would have seen a red card for Curtis Weston after a lunging challenge which took all of player and none of ball. They would have seen Corey Aguirre ghost totally unmarked into the penalty area to bury a header from a corner. If they were there they would have seen the Autocracy’s ‘finest’ lose to a non-existent nation with a non-existent football league. But they weren’t. So they didn’t. If they were there they would have seen the side slump to the bottom of group 1 another yet another defeat. But they didn’t. Because they weren’t. Did we mention that already?


Schedule
Frd: Hypocria v The Archregimancy (H) 1 – 2
Frd: Hypocria v Sarzonia (A) 0 – 4
M1: Hypocria v Rennidan (A) 0 – 2
M2: Hypocria v West Zirconia (A) 0 – 0
M3: Hypocria v Lovisa (H) 1 - 3
M4: Hypocria v Yafor 2 (A) 1 - 0
M5: Hypocria v Liventia (H) 1 - 4
M6: Hypocria v Mordavia (A) 0 - 1
M7: Hypocria v Myedvedeya (H)
Frd: Hypocria v Bears Armed (A)
Frd: Hypocria v Krytenia (H)
M8: Hypocria v Rennidan (H)
M9: Hypocria v West Zirconia (H)
M10: Hypocria v Lovisa (A)
M11: Hypocria v Yafor 2 (H)
M12: Hypocria v Liventia (A)
M13: Hypocria v Mordavia (H)
M14: Hypocria v Myedvedeya (A)
Frd: Hypocria v Starblaydia (H)

Jeruselem Government News

Little known facts about the Dallas Girls

Dazza Dallas isn't a real redhead. She was originally a dusky brunette who dyed her hair blonde then red later. Now that Dazza is a grandmother, it's more red grey but she still dyes her hair.

Matilda Dallas, the granddaughter of Dazza Dallas is a Princess although she never uses her title.

Hikfie Dallas and Celina Sadie Dallas have a normal IQ of 100 despite being total dills on TV. They both suffer from bi-polar intelligence defiency where they are morons in normal life but are genuises in other skills like football.

Dazza Dallas is related to the medieval Crusader Kings of Cyprus a rather round about manner. This means Queen Katherine Alexandra Dallas of Jeruselem is real Crusader Queen.

Natasha Dallas once got paid a tip of 1000 Shekels from an unnamed rich client for her services.

There's a statue of three Gorgons - Euryale, Sthenno and Medusa in a ruined Selecid temple. In the royal garden, there's a version of the same statue modelled on Kate, Marie and Jacinta. Unofficially, Marie is Medusa although she'd be a lot prettier than the original one. Yes, the Gorgons aren't wearing anything.

Mary Sallad is Jeruselem's highest paid TV presenter. Her daughters Jacinta and Kate aren't too far behind. All work for Naked News Jeruselem.

Dazza Dallas gets more hits on Google than Jesus.

Queen Kate Dallas keeps a statue of Elven Goddess Elune in her room.

Princess Marie holds the Guiness World Book record for the number of knives juggled. It stands at 13.

Dr Sally Dallas is also a trained plastic surgeon, although she rarely uses that skill.

Princess Jacinta Sasha Dallas can type at 150 words per minute. She ruins keyboards so quickly, they make special steel ones for her.

Inside the VFA Headquarters

The classy as ever Tobias Raynor was staring out the sparkling and polished window in the twentieth and highest floor of the HQ of the VFA. He was staring out over the beautiful gem of a city that was named after his historic family, a city that was the political heart of Valanora.

But is it the cultural and spiritual heart of the country, of the race, of even the outlying suberbs? he thought to himself, as he considered the city intrinsically.

The city could be said to be something of a metaphor of the entire Vanorian people; pristine, majestic, busy, and thriving. It maintained a beautiful connection to the past of the people and area by maintaining its' forests, just like the rest of the country. Yet there was something very different about Raynor City, something besides the buildings that had been erected to make the city more aesthetically pleasing. What that was and how it reflected itself in the people who inhabited it was weighing heavily on the mind of the VFA President and former Great Leader.

If the city itself has become tainted or corrupted itself, and that then created an adverse affect on her people, would a purge be needed? If so, would it need to be a physical purge of the city, tearing down the places that were the source of the taint? Would it require the relocation of the people who were either purposely or inadvertently causing the taint? Or would it be a spiritual purge, wiping away the taint from ourselves and becoming a blank canvas once again?

As he wracked his mind to try and pick apart the pieces to the solution he knew he held somewhere in his mind, the ding of the elevator went and a young sharply dressed woman stepped forth. She had bright blond hair that was up in a professional ponytail and had on a pair of small oval glasses hiding her dark green eyes. Her slender frame was accentuated by a navy suit with thin white stripes. Despite his two years in office, he had never before seen this woman, and was somewhat curious as to how that was and how she was allowed access to his floor.

"Hello, who are you and how can I be of service?" Tobias asked in polite but cautious tone.

"My name is Panaliel, and I was sent here to be of service to you milord. I come from the small town of Elunita, and I bring word from the merciful goddess. We in the village have still remained in contact with her while the rest of the nation has been cut off from her greatness."

Sceptical, he placed one hand on the round table where the board met to discuss the weekly state of the Federation. In the middle of the table was the dual insignia from the ESF's flag that translated into "Strength and Honor" sketched into the fine wood. There was also a small insignia hidden between the two that Tobias' had sketched himself over the days he had been in the office with some free time. It was a symbol of the Goddess in one of her many non-elven forms, a white rose. He pointed at the symbol and smiked,

"If what you speak is the truth, then tell me, what does this symbol represent and why it would I inscribe it?"

Without a moment's hesitation and a stern look, the woman replied confidently, "It is the most perfect form of Elune and the status of her, and our own innate connection with the world around us. It is inscribed there because eight months ago, the goddess spoke to you in a dream and said the create a harmony between the other insignias by drawing her own."

"We have much to discuss, you and I, and I have my doubts that it will be about the football."

Matchday 7 Results (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14586193&postcount=9)

Saint Nash Courier
If you haven't heard it before, It's News to you!
SPORTS
Halfway home and in First place.

Bobby Cacho made his first start today for Angel Kenworthy, who sat out nursing a sore quadriceps, and Cacho made the most of it, scoring his first goal in the 28th minute to give Qazox a 1-0 lead.

That goal would be all Qazox would get, as the Macabees' keeper stoned 15 other shots, keeping his team's chances alive, but Leila Anello earned Qazox' 3rd consecutive shut-out in her first start, which came at the expense of Marc Klick, who missed the game due the birth of his first child, (A 7lb 4oz girl named Matilda).

So Qazox, after the Kosovoe debacle has won 5 in a row, but now must prepare to face a Dancougar squad out to avenge the 5-2 beatdown earlier in qualifying.


Scoring Summary:
Qazox:
Bobby Cacho: 28'

The Macabees:
NONE

Purple Knights Tie Cassadaigua

Well after last nights 1-1 tie versus the ladies of Cassadaigua i can at least say one thing, we tied it. Even though we would prefer to have one the game the Knights come out of it because at this point we're now tied for fourth place with the Daigans as we are going into the mid qualifiers. We will need to still get all the points left as we need as many points as possible. As this is are first tie after 2 losses and four wins so we are going to need to get all the points. Right now we need them all. Going into these games we will need these wins.

Earlier I stated that the Knights were well enough to get out of the game with a tie. The Daigans took an early lead in the 18th minute and from then on the Knights were trying to score the goal that would tie. It took long, but Hele was a ble to tie it up late with a smash on a Zeke Jr. Assist. Next up is friendlies versus Sarzonia and of course Sorthern Nothland.

Blue Tornado Fall To Blue Tornado

For only the second time this year last night the Blue Tornado fell in a soccer game. They lost to Bears Armed 3-2. The Tornado have now fallen out of the top part of the group, but they are still within qualifying position and as of yet they have only lost to two of the three teams that have a stake to the claim of group leaders. The Tornado of course are looking forward to continue their success.

In yesterdays game the Tornado failed to go out an attack from the beginning and that is why many think they have lost. Angel Kenssington of course was taken out early after one of the Bears took a little to much power into a sliding tackle and took him out of the game. Reports say that he should be back for the next game. The Bears scored all three of their goals in the first half, and then it was time for the Tornado to attempt a comeback. Ossi Euro and Jamie Barry would combine for their two goals but in the end iot was not enough.

Confidence is a fragile thing in sport.

As soon as a team can develop it, it can lose it in the blink of an eye. It took just that long before Terreiro de Ogum took a two-nil lead over Sarzonia.

Well, not quite. It took four minutes, which meant that some supporters hadn't settled into their seats after coming back from the concession stands before the visitors had all the scoring the match would see.

Even though the public address announcer at Bryan Marshall Memorial Stadium in the nation's capital Woodstock did not play Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive" in spite of the request from Terreiro de Ogum goalkeeper Baitolah Bibah, he did not seem perturbed. However, Stars forward Zack Wilson wondered out loud if Ben Hockley's decision motivated Bibah. He made seven saves, including four breathtaking stops of both Wilson and Matt Lynch on nearly point-blank chances.

For his part, except for the early struggles, Cody Taylor was nearly as strong. He made five saves after the four minute debacle and seemed to gain strength with each passing minute.

Unfortunately, manager Brian Wilson waited until the second half kickoff to unveil the three-forward formation he and assistant Kevin Wilson developed. By then, defender Spencer Hicks drew a yellow card for an aggressive tackle of Liceu Modesto Babuíno Pinguinha. Brian Wilson protested the call half-heartedly, knowing that Hicks's reputation as much as the tackle itself drew the infraction.

However, Brian Wilson also knew that Hicks would now face an automatic one-match suspension for accumulation of yellow cards. He would have to sit out the return leg of the Yafalonia and Bazor 2 derby back at Marshall.

"It's time to play the three-forward lineup," Kevin Wilson said. "For the duration of the match."

"I think we ought to reseve the right to play a 4-4-2 if we have a late lead we're trying to protect," Brian countered.

However, both men would readily admit that such leads were rare in this particular qualifying campaign. Sarzonia (2-1-4, seven points) was struggling in fifth place, six points behind Yafalonia and Bazor 2 for the third and final qualifying position.

Certainly, it wasn't impossible for Sarzonia to rally from its disappointing start to the World Cup XLV qualifying season, but the team's poor form and its failure to secure three points in a home fixture against Greston increasingly looked to come back to haunt the Stars as the qualifying campaign continued.

Long after the last player left the stadium, the stadium lights shut off for the night and the last supporter made his way home, Brian Wilson stared at the flickering light of a computer monitor. Microsoft Word 2008 was sitting on the display and Wilson had his hands poised over the keyboard. The letter read MEMORANDUM toward the very top with the recipient line reading his father's name.

He typed the words "I hereby resign as manager of the Sarzonian national football team," then stopped and stared at the screen. He thought for a while before moving his hands toward the keyboard again.

Hellispont Times-Herald
As Expected

As expected, the Wombats finished the first half of the qualifiers with a 4-0-3 record as they defeated Allemenschen 2-1. Both goals came off the foot of Lee Dobbs, in the 34th and 67th minutes, while Allemenschen's goal came in the 16th minute from a poached egg maker.

Sitting just 1 point out of third, the Wombats need a win against the big three in the group (Starblaydia, The Holy Empire and Krytenia) and to once again sweep the other 4 teams which would put them at 8-1-5 with 25 points.

They get their first chance to pull off an upest on MD 9 at home against Starblaydia, whom we lost to in the final minutes on the road. The 2nd half begins with a trip to Legendar.

Count: Kaye, I heard your Mum is in hospital.
Kaye: I know ...
Count: So how come you're not visiting?
Kaye: She never visits me when I'm in hospital.

Count: Really?
Kaye: She does ... to take me there and to take me back home. And then complains about the cost driving me around.
Count: She sounds rather unpleasant.
Kaye: Just self-centered, always about herself. I want real Mum, you know like Dazza.

Count: What about Dad?
Kaye: He's too drunk to be of any use to anyone.
Count: You have any useful family members?
Kaye: No

Count: So what do your siblings do?
Kaye: Want free money and complain things are to expensive.
Count: How come they aren't in the army then?
Kaye: They got rejected for being below grade.

Count: You seem the best of the bad lot.
Kaye: I don't want to be a loser all my life.
Count: Jeru FC aren't exactly a team of well regarded winners either.
Kaye: Yeah but we get a bit of respect! And I get paid.

Count: Maybe you could become a TV presenter.
Kaye: I've never done a live report before.
Count: Maybe we can do live Jeru FC reports.
Kaye: But the Nazis who the army media won't allow that.

Count: Maybe they think we'll try a Naked News.
Kaye: I look alright naked.
Count: Err, I'll scare kids.
Kaye: Or maybe they don't want to have drunk army louts been seen on TV

Count: Yes, army boys don't behave very well.
Kaye: And they think sex is for free.
Count: You putting a price on yourself there?
Kaye: I reckon I'm worth 1000 Shekels an hour!

Prux@WC45.com
Adverts in good Position

A 2-0 win by the Adverts over Arroza leaves only Milchama ahead of Prux in the Group 3 standings. 2 goals from Jolly green giant, who frankly scared most of the Arrozan team, was more than enough.

Looking at the group, Milchama is 7-0-0, with only one goal allowed. You would think a team like Septentrionia or Arroza would be able to score on tehm, and you'd be wrong. Only The Burger King has cracked the back of the Milchaman net, so far.

Prux World Cup 45 Qualifying Schedule:

(all Home Matches to be played the hopefully completed Griffin Stadium in Pawtucket, Prux, Capacity 67,500)
@ Ierissos D 1-1
vs. Rymeria W 5-3
@ Milchama L 1-2
vs. Govindia W 6-1
@ Akbarabad W 2-0
vs. Septentrionia W 4-3
@ Arroza W 2-0
vs. Ierissos
@ Rymeria (somewhere in Space, probably)
vs. Milchama
@ Govindia
vs. Akbarabad
@ Septentrionia
vs. Arroza
(RECORD 4-1-1)



The immensely popular Meet a Pruxian series is on hiatus this week, (it will return next week) so we can finally show you the first picture of Griffin Stadium! Just in time to host Ierissos!

http://i41.tinypic.com/2q2fibp.jpg

Dancougar News!! Road Report
Margaret said there'd be days like this;
There'd be days like this, my Margaret said.

Point-Counterpoint: Black Wings fail: The Black Wings have another shutout. But they also picked up their second goose-egg away from home. The jury's still out on whether this is more or less embarrassing than the one against the Invisible Wabbits, and in either case, it puts Dancougar even farther off the pace in Group Six. The four-game road trip continues against Qazox, and a loss here will, with all likelihood, end dreams of qualification.

Two of the staff interns who didn't get to go on the road trip will quickly debate this topic: "The Dancougar Black Wings fail." The interns probably have names, but we'll call them Tim and Rob. Fellas?

Tim: The Black Wings inability to perform consistently in this tournament, including a pair of dismal road draws against the group bottom-feeders, is the product of several years of pandering to the national team's established heroes at the expense of its developing talent. We relied so heavily on guys like Dan Potts and Yuji Watanabe that we forgot to plan for when they retired from international play. The recent Di Bradini Cup showed that we were starting to lag in talent, and some of those players have come through to the senior squad and continue to experience the same problems.

Rob: Dude. You need to take a step back from your scouting reports and Fantasy Football Insider and take a look around you. Just look around you. Have you found what I'm looking for? LUCK, DUDE. We ain't gone none. That crazy Margaret took our chickens and just laughed in our faces. You're telling me the tenth-ranked team in the world can't score against the descendants of Gilligan's three-hour tour boat?

Tim: I think you've got their origin story all wrong.

Rob: My point, man, is that there's some kind of supernatural hex on this team. That's the only rational explanation!

Tim: There are plenty of rational explanations. The teams in this group are starting to peak. Kosovoe has been around for a long time and have found their touch. Bears Armed are one of the most promising young teams in a long time. Qazox have always been a force. The current Black Wings think they can just waltz out on the field and play with the same panache and vigor as the team that carried this nation to within one win of the finals. But no. They're a different squad that weren't prepared to step into this role. Add to that a coach who hasn't been able to properly manage developing talent and you have a recipe for disaster.

Rob: I bet that sneaky Emperor Boston put a hex on us. You heard him, dude, he's been saying ever since that shootout that we were going to go down for stealing their cup. I can see him now in his great hall, sitting on his toboggan throne, giggling merrily with a bottle of brandy as he reads of our miscues and misfortunes. Margaret sits at his right hand with an empty glass, and he pours her another with a hearty, "Margie do one sis!"

Tim: Riiiiiiight.

Tim and Rob are interns at the Dancougar News!! They have seniority because everyone who was ranked above them before was fired last time we had to issue retractions. As you all know, that tends to happen a lot.

THE ROCKET REPORT

CARSON GIVEN THE AX; REPLACEMENT HIRED

Centralia, Newmanistan- It’s finally happened. Following the team’s inexplicable performance against Kemball Island, it was time for Carson to be axed. It was rumored that this may have happened anyway, even if the team had won as they should have against such a lowly opponent, and that the team was just waiting for the halfway point.

Official Team Statement:

“Brian Carson has done some great things for Newmanistan football. We would like to thank him for all the time and energy he put into this position and wish him nothing but the best. He has won a Di Bradini Cup, a Baptism of Fire, and two Cups of Harmony. Though it was a slow ride, he had the Empire ascend up the rankings and put us in a position where we expected that we would qualify for the World Cup this time around. The first half of qualifying has been a disaster, and we believe that part of the problem may be that he is leaning on too many older veterans who play with a ton of passion, they just haven’t gotten results…..

Because of this, we have decided that we would move in another direction. During the period where it was rumored that Carson may be let go, we received five applications from international coaches that said they would be interested in the position, as well as many domestic coaches that said they wanted to take on the role. There was one coach that stood out among the applicants as someone we felt would be a perfect match as we look to develop a new generation of talent at this level. It gives us great pleasure to welcome the new coach of the Rockets. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, from Galaxia, Cafundeu, Mister Nelson Yaschter!”

Nelson Yaschter Statement:

“Thank you. It is a great honor for me to take on the job as the head coach of the Newmanistanian national team. Throughout the years, Newmanistan has shown the ability to produce plenty of talent, of which a handful I am familiar with already as they play in Cafundeu. I know that this country can compete and be successful and I am excited to be the one to lead this team to the World Cup, where I know that you all belong. I know that it will be a challenge to turn things around this year, but I will do my best. Let us not write off World Cup 45, yet.

I will start my getting to know the players on a personal level and let them know that I will be making changes. Some of these changes might have to be significant, but it will be done with my best intentions Our next two games are friendlies, which should help out a little. Newmanistan has had a history of coming on strong in the second half, and I will make that happen again.”


Brian Carson’s statement:

“This is obviously a difficult time for me. I understand the move and appreciate the patience that they have had with me to this point. I can’t say that I never got a fair chance. It will be hard not being able to finish this qualifying as the head coach, but I want to let all the players know that I still support them and wish the best for them. I wish nothing but the best for Mr. Yaschter. Being the head coach of Newmanistan is something to be very proud of because we have proven ourselves to be a nation of champions. Maybe not in football at the greatest level, but overall, we have done great things as an Empire. In the over 20 years that I had this position, we have come a long way. Now, it is apparently time for a new leader, and I hope that Nelson is able to take the steps that I could not take in this great sport of football.”

Brian Carson has been the only coach of the national team in all WCC-sanctioned events. Eric Andrews and James Martin had the job in a combined three Oxen Cups, but other then that it’s been all about Carson. The firing of Carson will also apply to the Di Bradini teams. Nelson Yaschter will take them on as well.


(OOC: This move was going to be made regardless of the Kemball Island result).

From: Lady Dazzarina Handiskya Dallas of Jeruselem, President of Jeruselem FA and Queen Mother
To: Nelson Yaschter, Coach of the Newmanistan World Cup team

Congratulations on your new appointment. Having been a three times World Cup coach myself (when I was younger), one can only support a fellow World Cup coach especially when they start in the middle of flagging campaign.

In my personal opinion, a team like Newmanistan should be in the finals. Naturally, it's all down the execution of the team game plan and sometimes nothing seems to work. While "giving up" might been seen as an option, it isn't. I'd rather aim high and being shot down instead of aiming low and crash driving into a sewage pond.

I think you have a team with great potential but unlocking the goodies is the key. The two Vilardi sisters and Billy Prescott have done great things for my Tel Aviv team and not to forget the other Newmanistanis in the other Jeruselem clubs. I think your team have players good or just as good as the Jeruselemites. It's all about getting the team to pull together as a working unit. Disunity is death in a football team and we all know it's true even with the best players in the team.

I know you have to work to do. Hopefully you can join the great coaches like Brian Carson and Ryan Greenly who's in his 7th world cup (4 with Qazox, 1 with Jeru FC and 2 with Jeruselem).

We hope to see the name Newmanistan as World Cup 45 finalists!

Now, what's this thing about a guy and some bird with skates? Sounds like it relates to one of my daughters or female relatives.

MILLIONAIRES BLANK FORN PARTS

The Millionaires continued to play good soccer by closing out the first leg of qualifying with a one-nil shutout over last place Forn Parts. Secristan was expected to win the match, but that doesn’t necessarily mean anything as other nations may have found out last night. Forn Parts did play the Millionaires tough on their home turf as this was by no means an easy victory. Young Jennifer Trequoia, who has done her best to carry the Raging Penguins put in a very good performance early in the match but seemed to get distracted as the game went on. There was a discussion at midfield around the 40th minute between Trequoia and Chris Coventry, which ended up with each player smiling quite wide. When the teams returned for the second half and the game still scoreless, Coventry appeared to give Trequoia a stack of Rusas. After the exchange, Trequoia was completely ineffective and seemed lost out there on the field. When asked what the discussion was about after the match, Coventry told us, “She might be good, but she is still very young after all and very impressionable. We gave her a financial incentive to not play hard any longer. It’s an amount of money that most nine year olds can only dream about, so she was very excited to receive it.” Coventry’s shrewd business sense helped the Millionaires begin to get control of the game in the second half, and if it wasn’t for good goalkeeping by Om Nom, whose wide body shape makes it very hard to find open area to shoot at. Kevin Walker eventually did in the 76th minute and that would be all the Millionaires would need.

The win gives Secristan a record of 4-1-2 and they are in second place in Group 4. Things are still pretty tight in the group but if the Millionaires can duplicate that record in the second half they may just qualify for this World Cup. It will be a hard record to duplicate, but the Secristan Department of Sports has been increasing the amount of hype around the team of late. The next two matches of qualifying will have a lot to say if this team will still have a good shot as they are in Jeru FC and home with Valanora. I guess you never are actually in Jeru FC though, more like you are in Jeruselem. The last time they were in Jeruselem they were routed by the Princesses 6-0. The home match with Valanora will have the same tributes that we were planned before Hurricane Danielle spoiled everything. These games are critical to our chances for qualifying because if we win one of them, or even both of them, then our chances will look very good. Losses won’t ruin our chances, it’s about an opportunity to give ourselves an edge.

End of first qualification round.

Peisandros has won it's seventh game of qualification, beating Mantwenic 2-0. The game was a must win for the team and they really stepped up and delivered. Alexander Pappas' changes worked wonderfully as Athanasios Krestenitis had an inspired debut in midfield and Luke Erasmus once again stepped up wonderfully in defence. Up front Costa again impressed and brother George wasn't too bad either. Costa scored a lovely first half goal in the 18th minute after smart build up play by Nikolaidis and George, who evaded four Mantwenic players, before Nikolaidis gave Costa a lovely ball, who unmarked, easily headed it past the keeper. Goal number two came in the 70th minute as Krestenitis continued his great start to international football. Making a wonderful run down the left wing, his cross was perfect and left Nikolaidis with a simple tap in. 2-0 after 70 minutes, and the Sandrians firmly in control. The defence worked hard in the last 20 minutes of the game and insured Dorian Theotokis finished with a clean sheet.

The win leaves the Sandrians with a 4-1-2 record -- not bad for the fourth ranked team in the group and that's where they find themselves after the first round of qualifying. However they are only one point behind second placed Bostopia and third place Kura-Pelland, with Bazalonia out in front, three points ahead. Coach Pappas discussed the start the team has had.

"I'm pretty happy with the first round. Our draw with Lurikastan at home was a bit of a slip up, but there was our victory against Bazalonia -- we are the only ones to beat them so far. We are very proud with that and it also lets the boys know they can topple the top teams, which does no harm to the confidence and self belief. Another positive we've taken from our first seven games, is the ten goals we've scored. It's quite unlike Sandrian teams to score so many goals, so that's very good. It leaves our goal difference at plus four, which is pretty healthy going in to the second round. One think us coaches have learned, is that we were pretty content to not make any changes and we probably paid the price for that. Now competition for spots has really heated up and trainings have improved because of that. We've been very impressed. Injuries wise we've been lucky, touch wood. It's still a long way to go just for qualifying, so hopefully we can make it through the process without a major scare.

Everyone is really looking forward to the friendlies against Jeruselem and Ad'ihan. It's great that Olympia is settled and we're very exciting about welcoming the great team from Jeruselem to our shores. We were told that we may have to cancel the game but thankfully the government worked hard and got rid of the militants. As for the games themselves, they are going to be very, very tough. Infact the teams were drawn in the same pool and top it easily -- with Ad'ihan one point ahead of Jeruselem. I mean, Jeruselem are ranked 12th and Ad'ihan 14th, how lucky are we to have games against them? It will really get the boys ready for the second round."

We also had a chat to Athanasios Krestenitis after his great debut for the national team.

"Obviously I'm very happy to come away with the win, that was always the focus. From the outset I was just concerned with doing right by the team and contributing all I could to the better cause. It's a nice way to start an international career and I hope there are a few more wins in the near future. I guess it made things easier for me when all the boys are playing such quality football out there. It allowed me to play to my strengths and it paid off today. Everyone has been training really hard for these games and coach Pappas runs a tight ship. It's a huge step up from our club stuff back home, but a great learning experience and I love the culture of the team. They've made newbies like me feel very welcome and I know the other Cup of Harmony boys feel the same. We're just excited about what we can achieve with this group of players."

So, what are the chances of the Peisandros team qualifying for the World Cup? Well, it isn't going to be easy. The schedule for the second round of qualification isn't as nice as the first round. They are away to Bostopia, Colbourne, Bazalonia, Lurikastan and Mantwenic. The Sandrians will be lucky to pick up a point in the games against Bostopia and Bazalonia put should look to win atleast two of the other three. At home they face Edward City and Kura-Pelland. They really need to win both of these and the first against Edward City should be relatively easy, after their 4-2 win in Edward City. Kura-Pelland will be very tough and it could be an extremely important game in terms of qualifying, as it may decide who goes through, but we'll have to wait and see how that goes. They also need to rely on the big three teams slipping up at times, as being the fourth ranked team and qualifying can be a tricky business.

Full Schedule.
Pre Friendlies
vs Bears Armed @ National Sports Arena, Olympia. 2-1.
Qualifying Stage One.
vs Bostopia @ National Sports Arena, Olympia. 0-1
vs Colbourne @ People of Ephesum Stadium, Ephesum. 1-0
vs Bazalonia @ Peisandros Bowl, Delphi. 1-0
at Edward City. 4-2
vs Lurikastan @ People of Ephesum Stadium, Ephesum. 2-2
at Kura-Pelland. 0-1
vs Mantwenic @ National Sports Arena, Olympia. 2-0.
Mid Friendlies
vs Jeruselem @ National Sports Arena, Olympia.
at Ad'ihan.
Qualifying Stage Two.
at Bostopia.
at Colbourne.
at Bazalonia.
vs Edward City @ People of Ephesum Stadium, Ephesum.
at Lurikastan.
vs Kura-Pelland @ National Sports Arena, Olympia.
at Mantwenic.
Post Friendlies
vs Myedvedeya (Unsure where).
at Krytenia.
at Taeshan.

Greali World Cup Qualifying Schedule
MD1: Greal VS Daehanjeiguk (2-2)
MD2: Greal VS Candelaria And Marquez (2-3)
MD3: Greal VS Mo Land 3 (4-0)
MD4: Greal VS Achtervolging (1-1)
MD5: Greal VS Cassadaigua (1-0)
MD6: Greal VS Taeshan (3-2)
MD7: Greal VS Albundania (3-1)
MD8: Greal VS Daehanjeiguk
MD9: Greal VS Candelaria And Marquez
MD10: Greal VS Mo Land 3
MD11: Greal VS Achtervolging
MD12: Greal VS Cassadaigua
MD13: Greal VS Taeshan
MD14: Greal VS Albundania


Greal overpowers Albundania

The Greali won over Albundania 3-1 in their third straight victory. As an added victory, the Greali were second place in a World Cup qualifying group this deep into the WC qualifying stage, which was a first. The game went along smoothly with one Albundania forwarder managed to score in the first few minutes, unsettling the Greali a little, but Howard Anderson managed to erase the uncertainty bye scoring barely five minutes later. Michael Istoma scored once more before the first half was up. Francis Volodislav scored his first ever goal on 67th minute, surprising pretty much the entire team. The match ended 3-1. Ross Trent says his team will be resting tomorrow for the whole day and also training before playing Daehanjeiguk the day after tomorrow. Greali Television Service reported 1.15 billion viewers watched the match.


Greal 3
Francis Volodislav (67')
Howard Anderson (12')
Michael Istoma (45')

Albundania 1


In other games...

The Han Empire maintains their group lead by winning 4–1 over Achtervolging.

Taeshan and Cassadaigua are probably both disappointed that they managed to draw 1-1.

Mo Land 3, completely surprised everyone by winning over Candelaria And Marquez in a nailbiter 2-1.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

"3-1 guys. Here's your money." said Ross, handing winners packs of money.

"I'll be having a big dinner tonight." laughed Roger.

"The game against the Han Empire guys." reminded Brian.

"Well, it'll be a break tomorrow, so we can discuss it tomorrow then."

"Its going to be tough to qualify. Really tough. If our teams duplicates what they did in the last 7 matchdays, then we'll be able to qualify." said Ethan.

"If we qualify, what will you do?"

"Dance on the streets, screaming we qualified."

"Seriously." said Jeff.

"I will."

"Plenty of people will do that for you." said Roger.

"I'll still do it."

"Alright, fair enough. I've been appointed to the Sasha Soccer Board." announced Jeff.

"No way. Wow. Thats amazing. When is the first meeting?" asked Brian, looking stunned.

"In seven hours." replied Jeff, looking at his watch to make sure.

"Well good luck, and get some new members. I'm bored with these guys." joked Ross.

"Will do Ross, Will do."

Bob Trevgovsken was purposely annoying the prophet of DHHHOOOOM!, more commonly known as that crazy guy from the park.

He was preaching doom as usually about the end of the world as suddenly reality seemed to flicker. "What the fric was that?"

"I told you the world Will end I told and we did Yafalonia and Bazor 2 CEASED TO BE!!!"

"So I guess that you'll stop preaching all that doom?" Bob asked taking the word of this crazed man. At least it made some sense.

"Me, nah heck no... I'm predicting the world will burn with fire... that or get caught up in a black hole. either case we all die."

"Well, that's good to know... Will you get lost now before I call security?"

"Nah - prefer security drag me out... Professionalism. I'm sure you understand."

"Oh, yeah, let me just make the call before going a loon on me."

"Thanks, will do..."

Bob made the call and soon 4 security guards where there... the Prophet of DHHHOOOOM! was spouting his nonsense drooling and frothing at the mouth in addition to calling down curses and other associated crazy prophet stuff.

Despite the clear insanity of the man, it hit Bob hard, a feeling of Doom. That man was a good prophet. The Black hole made him think as he returned to the Department of Unusual Occurances and Plot Device Accounting.

The financial black hole haf spreadh through out the entire finances of FAIL, and with dropping attgendence things were going to get really scary. International Rescue had been so busy that FAIL almost had no money to pay for it.

This was going to be one hard 2nd half of the World Cup Qualifiers.

Courtney’s Space

Last night as you know, we settled for a 1-1 draw with Taeshan. With the draw, we are 4-1-2 in the group at halfway and are tied for third with the aforementioned Falcons. Greal is in second, a point ahead of us and the thugs lead the group. A point behind us, is Candelaria And Marquez, who lost to Mo Land 3 last night. Now let me see a show of hands. How many of you expected group 2 to look this way at the halfway point? I don’t see many hands raised. This group has been very competitive, and this will only continue in the second leg. What decides this group will be who doesn’t blow the points against the bottom teams, like we saw the Big Blues do last night. This is exactly why I said what I did after we started 3-0-0 and people would say that we hadn’t beaten anyone yet. Well, we did, and the second half will begin with those same three teams and if we run off another 3-0-0, then 7-1-2 will look pretty good. I don’t know how many points it will take to qualify because in this group I think it will take more points then it will take in a lot of others groups. This might be the most group analysis that I have ever done in one blog. It’s usually something I try to stay away from because the only thing we need to be worrying about is ourselves. Give it our best and control what we can, and hope that the other results will work out for us. It’s a corny ol’ cliche, but for a nation ranked 50th in the world, I can pull that line out of the closet at least once!

Getting a draw in Taeshan is a pretty big deal. We all want to win, but you better believe we are happy to have gotten a point out of this game. Meghan Burns gave us the first goal of the game in the 18th minute and a pretty awesome strike. She told us she was using me as a decoy and that’s just fine with me. Taeshan tied it quickly in the 26th, and after that it was all about the goalkeepers. CASE, the Cassadagan Association of Soccer Enthusiasts told us that they had received a reply from Daehanjeiguk in which they informed us of problems that they have had in other matches and they deny that their players were deliberately trying to injure Stacie Kerrigan. Jennifer Lowry was accused of sticking her hand in Jeong Jihun’s eyes in the letter. You may recall the incident that was about fifteen or so minutes into the second half, something that she denies. No Cassadagan cameras seemed to catch the incident although they were a little late to notice the two were jawing at each other, and could have possibly missed it. We still feel that the keeper threatened to break Stacie’s legs, and I will have her back. Anyway, this looks like it will be a done deal even if there isn’t agreement. I guess I can understand some of their discontent with the referees, I did catch highlights of that Taeshan match, and the Han did get hosed pretty good in that one. I’m confident now that the match will be clean when we meet on matchday 11. That could be a pretty important game for both of us.

UG-UG'S DIARY

An Imperial Neolithic Odyssey


Hey, guess what!

Ug-Ug get fan mail last night!

Nice man from coach two's home who looks a lot like coach two but is not quite same man as coach two (I know, that make Ug-Ug frown too) send Ug-Ug tee-gee thing.

Nice man say how much he like Ug-Ug!

Nice man say he want Ug-Ug to come back next World Cup!

This make Ug-Ug smile.

Ug-Ug write tee-gee thing back.

Ug-Ug say team might come back if we have good World Cup this time.

Team play Dar-place last night.

Dar-place team soft and weak - they not like to kick rocks.

We win one-nil with goal from Bug-Ug.

I know... that bore me too.

But strange thing take place in match....

Dar-place team all have strings!

Team has big gold bear with hand in jar of bee juice.

Ug-Ug like bee juice!

Ug-Ug try to share with big gold bear, but big gold bear is not nice and not want to share bee juice.

And they have strange man with hook nose and club that he use to beat his girl who plays for team too.

Ug-Ug think strange man with hook nose is not nice.

Ug-Ug want him shown red card, but ref says is not red card to beat girl on own team; must beat man on Ug-Ug's team to be shown red card.

Ug-Ug want to punch ref, but coach one tell Ug-Ug that would be bad.

And Dar-place have boy of wood with nose that grows when he say he not try to hurt Pug-Ug with high kick.

Boy of wood with nose that grows told a lie!

Ug-Ug not tell lies!

And they have short green gnome thing that move fast and talk a bit like Ug-Ug (but short green gnome thing use more big words).

And they have big tall man of straw with no brain.

This is strange team!

But Ug-Ug not think it strange they lose to Ug-Ug's team as strings on Dar-place team get in way a lot.

Akbarabad back on track.


(Akbarabad Press, AP): The Akbrabad national team have gotten their world cup qualification campaign back on track after a horror run of three consecutive losses with a 1-0 away victory over Rymeria. The side next faces Govindia and cannot afford to drop any points if they are to qualify.

Kura-Pelland were torn to pieces by an imperious Bostopia side 5-2 - a score that flattered the losing side, who have promptly reverted to panic and abandoned their youth project with almost indecent haste.

Marcus DaWealia will come into the holding midfield role after a shocker from Tan Cooper, Chris Chenoweth - who had considered international retirement - is being summoned, and there's even attempts to coax veteran goalkeeper Stephen Hill out of international retirement after Paul Hodgson was culpable for two of the goals.

'We were dire. 5-2 flattered us, they gifted us two goals and we never looked like scoring except by fluke whereas they could have scored ten with better finishing,' the assistant manager Bruce Higginbotham insisted.

Failure to qualify is now widely expected amongst many cynical 'so-called fans', as the more rabidly patriotic parts of the media are calling them. An age of cynicism and rationality is emerging in Kura-Pelland, and pessimism at the national team is central to it almost as much as economic difficulty. The two are inexorably tied together, of course, by the disastrous near-collapse of the Corganen Championship after the bankruptcy and nationalisation of the sponsoring building society.

The New Cleethorpes Enquirer
Cloud gathers over Quintessential sports

Speaking before the Senate Culture Committee today, Secretary of Sport Alfred Cynus today spoke of a "malaise" afflicting sports in Quintessence of Dust, a mood he suggested was the product of broader problems in the national psyche. A stalwart neutral during the 'campus wars' that rocked the Quintessential academic establishment during the 1990s, Cynus, a former professor of biochemistry who worked for several years with Erica Ornan, now Prime Minister, today spoke of the "irreparable harm" done to "the spirit of Quintessential personhood" by the "deconstruction of the virtue of national pride".

"I oppose racism. I oppose imperialism. And yes, I oppose nationalism. I agree it's silly to be proud of being born inside the lines of a map. But there is nothing wrong in coming together as a people, welcoming interactions with other peoples and allowing a fluid membership, but nonetheless celebrating what, together, we can achieve," he said. Asked to testify on the future of Quodite sports after early elimination from the World Championship in Hockey, a dismal run in World Cup 45 qualifying, and the indictment of QOA speed skating coach Lei Kao for crimes against humanity, he suggested the poor national sporting results were linked not to an inadequate funding mechanism but to a lack of national pride.

Matters only worsened over the weekend before his testimony as the national football team succumbed to an embarrassing set of results in the World Cup qualifying. The match against Sarzonia, nominally "the battle for fifth place", ended in a 2-0 drubbing by the vastly dominant Stars, and ended in the Quodites actually slipping to 7th. Roger Longhorn then ended the goal drought that had thrown his career into increasing jeopardy, adding to Jessica Jensen's double strike, to claim a three-nil lead against stragglers Greston, but the Quodites again remained winless after folding to concede three goals in the last 18 minutes.

And calamity ensued against group leaders Cafundéu as Quintessence of Dust, once known as giant-killers after their double win against world number 10 Milchama in World Cup 44, took the lead through Frederic Renard's precise free kick, only to give up a penalty and two soft goals, ending with 9 players on the field as Dino Achten and Michel Marberger were dispatched for needless fouls. The 3-1 defeat leaves the side adrift in 7th place with a -6 goal difference, qualification but a hopeless dream now.

The team now begin the second half with away games in Sorthern Northland and Noásahi, but veteran David Yellowback admitted their hopes were now concentrated on avoiding embarrassment. "We're hoping the boost in QFA funding will mean we can take part in our first Cup of Harmony," he said, before adding a quick correction, "Unless, of course, we qualify, which is a statistical possibility. Ahem." Captain Theo Littlefellow, however, remained defiant. "The fans will scream out for us to pander to them with goals and style and flair. They'll ask me to save them from their boring little lives with boring little free kicks. And amidst the stench of piss and sweat, I'll whisper, 'No!'."

Coach Jeremy Dixon was swift to deny rumours that Littlefellow had skipped successive training sessions to watch Watchmen multiple times.

Meanwhile, some are calling for a shift in sporting priorities, led by QOA Secretary-General Dr Jose Guatemala de Salvador von Salvador san Salvador el Salvador con Calvador. "We should be concentrating on the sports that Quodites know and love - rugby union, hockey, extreme ironing, skiing, athletics, shooting - instead of wasting time on football, the preserve of the elite."

An additional blow came after QBS officials met informally with Congressional leaders to discuss rescinding the requirement that QBS show all national football matches, as they continue to be crushed in a ratings war with commercial station FTV's wildly popular Strictly Come Ironing, whose Season 2 qualifiers closed last night to a record audience share as Treasury Under Secretary Rose Mortensen defeated Central Bank Vice-Chair Angie Skiles in an exciting iron-off, recording a solid 114 atop the QuinTel building in Highmark City with great lines on a set of floral pyjamas, as Skiles struggled in the Quintessential Alps, losing control of a bedspread after seizing the lead with fantastic work on a patterned duvet cover.

http://img134.imageshack.us/img134/7993/dailyturkjo0.png
Koseli Cumhuriyetler 0–0 Valanora
Believe

Those who say the Turks are all talk, well look up guys. We held the best team in the world (Though not the reigning champions) to a draw, though this game was at home it should give the team a much needed shot of confidence. The Turks aggression took the top team by surprise; simple passing and a decent shot worried their defense as Serkan fired wide. Amarian Tinehtelë was in action straight afterwards as Gokhan’s shot threatened to sneak under the bar. Oktay struck the bar from the resulting corner. The continued aggression seemed to put the worlds best under intense pressure, though Orhan was called into action as Ikles Razov tore Arif and Bekir apart and struck the target, Orhan holding well. The noise in the Cumhuriyet Stadi was rising and the pressure was beginning to tell on the number ones, as mistakes became frequent occurrences on their part.

Half time saw the tide change and Valanora looked like champions as they began to boss the game in the midfield however the Turks defense was holding firm Valanora only threatening from outside the box, and Orhan mopping up any stray crosses into the box. The only clear cut chance for Valanora fell to Espy va Drake who struck the bar from close range. The Turks countered, but Gokhan scooped the shot high and wide. The game then fizzed out as nothing could be forced by either team.

Sinan’s Review.
There’s much to consider when it comes to evaluating the Turks current performance in the group. One such factor is the lack of home games at the beginning, the constant traveling took it out of some of the players. With three points separating us from second, with four home games coming up it should be common sense that the Turks boss these games and gain 12 out of 12. The possibility there is a cock up on the part of our rivals that may allow us to rise into second, since Valanora are running away with it.

The letter was typed, saved on Word and ready to send via e-mail. His hand was poised on the mouse ready to click 'Send' and end his frustration once and for all.

Then of all things, a janitor mopping the floors interrupted Brian Wilson.

"Joe! What are you doing here?"

"Boss man told me to mop up in here. We got time before our next home match, so he wanted to get the place shiny for Yafalonia and Bazor 2."

"Didn't they just ... stop existing a moment ago?"

"Yeah, but their government just ... came back."

"How?"

"I don't know all that stuff. I just work here. Mmmm, what's that?"

Wilson looked quizzically as the old man pointed to the computer screen. It took a few seconds before he finally realised what the old man was asking.

"It's my resignation letter. I'm quitting."

"Why you want to quit? Gettin' too hard for ya?"

"I'm just not cut out to manage a team that needs to rebuild."

"What kind of message do that send? You don't want the lads to give up when times get hard. Why you want to give up?"

"I told you, I'm not cut out for this."

"If you wasn't cut out for this, you wouldn't be here," Joe said finally, pulling out, then lighting a cigarette in spite of the large NO SMOKING sign hanging on the wall across from Wilson's office. Wilson didn't pay any attention to it either, but he noticed Joe take a slow drag, then exhale. In a raspy voice that suggested he smoked one too many Artitsan cigarettes, Joe turned back to Wilson and spoke again.

"This team wouldn't be fighting for a spot in the finals if you wasn't a good coach. The IFF is behind you. They like your work. There's just some gooood teams in this group. Shit happens." Before Wilson could respond, Joe pushed his bucket and mop out of the office and shut the door.

Wilson kept his finger poised over the mouse with the cursor pointing to the word "Send" on the e-mail client. After about 90 seconds, he moved the mouse two centimetres to the left, watching as the cursor moved with it. Finally, he clicked.

Instead of sending his resignation letter to the IFF, Brian Wilson saved the draft. He still had his doubts. But if a janitor could tell him not to give up, he figured it might be a sign that giving up wasn't an option. He put his head down. Away fixtures to Starblaydia for the Mike Sarzo Memorial Trophy at the new Simeone Di Bradini Stadium in Jhanna and Taeshan for a mid-qualifying friendly awaited the team before the second half of World Cup qualifying began.

At least the Stars would have two matches at Bryan Marshall Memorial Stadium. Wilson noted bitterly that playing at Marshall wasn't much of a home field advantage for the Stars this qualifying campaign. They'd played to a goalless draw against world No. 118 Greston, then won against No. 69 Quintessence of Dust before losing 2-0 to No. 33 Terreiro de Ogum. Yafalonia and Bazor 2 were only three spots below Terreiro de Ogum in the world rankings, so it wasn't as though an easy opponent were going to bring points.

Wilson knew the second half road would be arduous. But then, he was told going in that it would be. He finally stood up and gathered his things into his briefcase. Not as the former national team manager, but as a man who still had a job to do.

Purple Knights Set To Face Stars

Whew how the days go by. It seems like only yesterday that the Knights started off the 8th Qualifying campaign in the 45th World Cup, but now itis 2 months later and the Knights are getting ready fro there midqualifying friendlies. The first will be against Sarzonia. The Stars and Knights have met a few times before and this game shall be a nice slow one to watch. The other possible friendly is versus Sorthern Northland. I say possible because when the Communist burned the Taeshan Soccer Federation headquaters records were lost and the friendly schedule was not found. Either way we'll play them sometime.

In the past two weeks little has changed in Taeshan. Kazzy Tre' Williams and his Communism party have forced many laws forward and without the heads of the Capitalizt party in asseembly the 28 non Communistic Senate members of the assembly are getting pushed all over the placed and blackmailed into agrreing to pass these new laws. OOne such law is stated in it that the playing of any Soccerlike sport due to its insolence shall henceforth be banned and the soccer leagues have thus been disbanded as was the National Team. But in a triumphant attack the Capitalizt were able to get all the team members who had come back to the Islands from there last game out before the raids. It is a harsh world as yet.

Blue Tornado Set For Bye Weekend

Just last week with the Bears Armed ggame marked the end of the first half of the 45th World Cup's qualifying stage. The Tornado are in a qualifying spot currently but as many say this group may be a group of death they are no were close to having an assured qualifying spot. This week should be a week of rest and recuperation to get ready for the second round of soccer. The Tornado of course will also be practicing hard to get into an even better form then they were earlier to go around and beat the teams they did again and try to beat the teams they didn't.

First up is the team from The Mcglaughin Islands. This interbreeding family will be easy meat for the team that knocked down Qazox in a shuout earlier. The Blue Tornado defeated them in there first meeting 3-0. Sweeping them out of Zwalgfelder Arena and pushing them to a point of noexistance. The Tornado will look to again perfect the art of the attack as they face the young team and look to continue on their path to a second World Cup proper berth.

Engage Smug Mode!
Valrauncion hat-trick sinks Aces

Starblaydia laid down their claim to be named the best team in the world yesterday as they kept their three point league at the top of Qualifying Group Seven by destroying neighbours Krytenia at the historic Isserson Stadium in Everton City. Valrauncion, Starblaydia's number ten, scored his first international hat-trick in this match, laying down a claim of his very own to be the best striker in the world. He scored eleven times in twenty matches four years ago during the campaign, including one in the World Cup Final itself, but this time he has rocketed out of the starting blocks with six goals in eight appearances so far.

Yuri Vegachenko also scored his sixteenth goal of his career, the first since a friendly match against Valanora just before World Cup 44, where up until the last minute they'd thought it was the winner against the reigning World champions. The thirty-one year-old was evidently very pleased with his goal, as were the Starblaydi fans who have been very loyal to the versatile wide midfielder during his career.

Valrauncion, on the other hand, divides opinion; unquestionably he's a supreme goalscorer, line-leader and all round excellent forward. He doesn't, however, work particularly hard when he doesn't want to. He is smug, distant, arrogant and stubborn, in addition to being realistic, dogmatic and pedantic. On his day there are few to match him. Darren Scotland certainly couldn't.

So, with a demolition of their western neighbours for the first time, admittedly, in a while, Starblaydia sit at the top of the power rankings for world football thanks to their perfect record with just a single goal against to blot their eighteen goals scored copybook. As the half time break in Qualifying comes along, there is yet more to be found in the break itself. First Starblaydia have the opportunity to come within touching distance of defending their Mike Sarzo Memorial Trophy by hosting the Sarzonians at the Stadii Di Bradini. Then, again, comes the big one: Valanora versus Starblaydia.

It is already the most glamorous friendly in the international calendar as, frankly, no one else seems to be brave enough to challenge the three-time World Champions for even a friendly game. They met each other four years ago, as previously mentioned, adding yet another twist to the short but explosive history between the top two teams in the world; holders of the last five World Cup trophies between them, a combined seven overall.

It doesn't mean anything, really. It's a chance for ediraf to show off, for the respective Football Associations to make some cash and for the TV companies to get out the highlight reels over the emotionally stirring music. It's just a game, an exhibition, a friendly match... Between the two best teams in the world, who must make sure to not lose one iota of psychological ground to each other in the race to be the best team and to win the next cup.

Not so meaningless after all, is it?

Final Score:
Krytenia 0 - 4 Starblaydia
(None) - (Valrauncion 23, 41 & 62, Vegachenko 74)

“Um… Do you really want t–”

“Yes! Just the headlines… I can’t face any more than that.”

“Right… Okay. Er, SHOCKER!… Horrific Blues crumble in Solidarity nightmare, CAMAFA resist Healy return calls… C&M stunned by minnows, C&M slaughtered by Northern States nobodies… We only wanted to be your friends, Mo Land… What’s the Bloody Point?… That’s from the National Reporter… Er, something in Spanish, not sure… It’s got a trio of upside-down exclamation marks at the beginning…”

“Oh, God…”

“Comment: Dannat out, Le Lan in, or it’s off to Qazox…”

“Oh come now, that’s harsh…” Elgin Dannat groaned and let his face drop into his hands. “We’re still fifth. We’re only a point behind the birds and Taeshan. We’re only half-way through, we’ve got five home fixtures to go…”

“I know, I know… They’re just being mean pundits, they don’t know wha–”

“And it’s not as though they were nobodies…”

“We-ell…”

“They weren’t! And they control the territory of Mo Land 4! So they’re basically the combined might of two countries!”

“Some might argue that we ha–”

“And that’s a strong region they’re in, in footballing terms! Wing Wang Woo and Kemball island won this week as well! Clearly they’re an emerging force…”

“You could argue that, bu–”

“And, it wasn’t as though you can argue that we deserved to lose…”

“No-o… Although, equally, we only got away one more shot on target than them… Really, Aaron’s goal came on the end of our only half-decent attack, an–”

Dannat let out a yelp and slumped forward, his arms huddling his knees. Mark Baker grimaced and placed a comforting hand on his successor’s successor’s successors’ successor’s successor’s shoulder.

“We all have our tough times, Elgin…”

“You never did!”

“Oh, you think so? Back when we were losing to Miamoria and Rastafariburg and drawing with Uiri or Kelssek every other week? I had my share of nightmares.”

“But everyone still loved you for it!” Dannat wailed, “Nobody minded. And you were beating Qazox and Yafor 2 and Daehanbloodyjeiguk! You weren’t being beaten by Mo Land 3!”

“Well, when you put it li–”

“And… *sniff* … you never lost to Rastafariburg.”

“I didn’t? Ha, there’s a thing. I was good. But, y’know… You’ve got to hold your head high, keep your chin up. You can’t let the squad see you like this, can you, eh? What kind of example is that setting? You must’ve had times with Caires City when yo–”

“No! Everything went swimmingly from almost the moment I took the job! My methods worked, Mark! Oh, they might be, y’know…”

“Complete nonsense relying entirely on the placebo affect and having naturalised Cafundelense players in the squad who can drag you out of trouble?”

“That, yes… But they’ve always worked, that’s the point. No-one’s ever called me tactically naïve before!”

“Oh, all the papers use that whenever it’s going badly, whoever you are. It’s just an opportunity to wield an umlaut with impunity. Honestly, they’d all use ‘coëfficiant’ like the Parapanese if they thought they could get away wit–”

“They implied I was having illicit nookie with Nic Lloyd!”

“To be fair it’s hard to see why else you’d throw him on as a su… Look, Elgin, old bean. These people are idiots, they don’t have a clue what they’re on about. Look at… Look here, at Iain Miller in the Reporter. Spent all last week castigated you for playing terrible football –”

“Which I was…”

“Fair enough, but now he’s saying that you played too much ‘pretty, tippy-tappy stuff’ against New New Mo Land and should’ve realised that you couldn’t out-football that particular bunch of cloggers!”

“But he’s right! He’s so right! I can’t do anything properly anymore, when I sent them out to play football they get muscled off the ball, when I tell them to press and kick shins they get the run-around off of any side who can knock it about a bit… Everything I touch just turns to poo.”

“Oh dear… Um, d’you want a hug?”

“No…” Dannat turned his significant bulk to face Baker, his damp face a big saggy teddy hunched in a sad corner of the sofa. “No, Mark, I want to win. I’m not young, I’m hardly younger than you. I can’t waste my career like this, dwindling away into Cup of Harmony obscurity…”

“No, certainly. That would be a tragedy…”

“We all want to win! We all want this team to be successful, don’t we?”

“No argument from me,” Baker lied cheerfully.

“So… What I want, really, is your help. More than that, I need it. I can’t fail, Mark. We can’t fail! You’re the only one who really understands, I can see that now. Please. I’m not going to beg, but… I need you…”

“So… What? You want me in the dressing room? Deciding tactics, teams?”

“Yes! Yes, all of it!”

“Effectively, you want me to take over this job in all but name?”

“Please! It’s the only way!”

“Elgin,” Baker beamed, “It would be an honour.”

“Bless you!” Dannat cried, dropping to the floor and cuddling Baker’s ankles.

“Equally, this will please the lady with no toes,” the older man sighed happily.

“Eh?”

(from the ‘Sports’ section of ‘The Bear Necessities’…)


BELLES BREAK STORM!

Bears Armed 3 – 2 Kosovoe

Satisfaction for our Soccer supporters last night, as the Bear-Belles beat Kosovoe’s ‘Blue Tornadoes’, at Plumtrees Park, and consequently moved up to from fourth to second place in their group of nations competing for entry into the World Cup... but a degree of disappointment, too, because score was only 3-2: If that’s the best that the Belles can do at home, then how well can they hope to fare in the return match at Kosovoe’s ‘Zwalgfelder Arena’ for the final — and, the way things are going, quite possibly decisive — game of this series?
Beorra o Barrdenn celebrated her return to the team’s starting line-up with a brace of goals, the first of them obtained (in the 9th minute) through one of her ‘trade-mark’ “locomotive runs” straight down the centre of the pitch in such a way that nobody dared try tackling her. Karramarsar Karra brought the score to 2-0 just five minutes after that, shortly having been passed the ball by team captain Harroya o Redwood, but then the Kosovoers tightened up their defences and it wasn’t until the 38th minute that a pass by Karramarsar Sarra successfully reached Beorra where she was waiting about nine yards in front of the opponent’s goal and she made a short charge inwards before unleashing a powerful kick safely into the upper left corner of the net.
Whether having a 3-0 score at half-time left the Belles a bit overconfident, or whether manager Arri Thunder had simply decided that that would be a good enough result and told them to concentrate on their ball-control and defensive skills for a while rather than remain on the offensive instead, the game’s third quarter saw no serious attempts at scoring from them... and no successful attempts from the Kosovoer team, despite the fact that they were obviously trying hard by this stage, either. Unfortunately, Arri then decided to give some of the substitutes some more playing time, pulling off the sisters Karramarsar to bring on Theodelphia Karrmarsar [#23] (no relative) as Right Forward and Harroya ‘She-Lion’ Lightning [#27] as Right Winger, and two Kosovoer strikers not only managed to get past this less experienced duo with the ball but lured Charra o Barrdenn into “chasing” a feint and – in the 72nd minute of the game — scored the first goal of their comeback. The Belles then launched a very vigorous counter-attack themselves, but a shot “on goal” by Harroya o Redwood was disallowed for ‘offside’ and then Harrya o Herrchaum [#6] (who’d been playing at Midfield Right) was sent off for after getting into an altercation with some Ursine fans when they responded to her bending over to tighten a boot-lace by starting to sing the pop hit ‘Fat-bottomed She-Bears’. After these events the Belles went back onto the defensive, and almost managed to hold their opponents at bay for the rest of the game, but the same pair of Kosovoer strikers who’d worked together to score their side’s first goal of this confrontation got through another time as well — just that once more — in the 84th minute and scored again.
So, now the Belles hold second place in their group, but Kosovoe is still on the same number of points as them and actually has a better goal-difference so that it’s only the ‘head-to-head’ factor — for this victory against Kosovoe — that makes the difference.


(Full details on page ‘S-3’inside.)

____________________________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________

HALFWAY TO HAPPINESS?

If this was the end of the qualifying stage, rather than just its mid-point, then the Belles' current position in their group would mean that they were safely through to compete in the World Cup proper... but it is only the mid-point, there are another seven games (one against each other member of the group) still to go, and the final results are by no means certain. 'The Macabees' could suddenly find the form to win several games and make a good try at qualifying, and even Bushdome rising significantly in the table can't be completely ruled-out... although I do think that either Invisible Wabbits or the McLaughlin Islands doing so is fairly unlikely.
So, let's look at the qualifying games that the Belles have yet to play_

Match #8: at home to 'Invisible Wabbits': Yes, the Wabbits are tricky, but I think that the Belles have their measure by now and -- despite the surprising result of the Dancougar/Wabbits game -- this should be a safe win for Bears Armed.
Match #9: at home to 'Bushdome': Another fairly safe win for the Belles, if these opponents keep playing as they've been doing, although of course upsets can happen so the girls had better try to avoid overconfidence.
Match #10: away to 'The McLaughlin Islands': And probably another win, too, despite the location.
Match #11: at home to Qazox: They won the 'away' leg, but that was a very close result and with the 'home' advantage the Belles could beat them. My guess? A draw...
Match #12: away to 'The Macabees': The home leg was only narrowly a victory for the Belles, and these opponents are probably the toughest team out of those in the group that are ranked lower than ours. My guess? A win, a draw, or even a loss...
Match #13: at home to 'Dancougar: They're supposed to be better than 'Qazox', but haven't really been playing like it so far. After losing to them 'away', the Belles will be working hard to try and win here. My guess? Again, it's probably too close to call.
Match #14: away to 'Kosovoe': If this second set of games goes in a similar fashion to the set that's just ended then it could actually be the result of this game that determines whether either of the teams involved goes through to the Cup; Kosovoe's team is ranked above the Belles, admittedly, but they're still the probably the weakest of the three teams in this group for which that's the case. My guess? Given how both sides are likely to be feeling by that stage, NOT a draw...
Overall, I'd say that we're looking at gaining about 13 more points during this set of games.

(Full analysis on page ‘S-6’inside.)

____________________________________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________

Friendly Forecast: The Belles have not one -- and not two -- but three more games on their schedule before the actual World Cup qualifying series resumes, a trio of 'friendly' matches that will all be played at home in Plumtrees Park. The other teams involved are all competing in those qualifiers too, but none of them was drawn into the same group as the Belles: 'Arroza', 'Hypocria', and our friends 'Myedvedeya'.
(Full analysis on page ‘S-8’inside.)

Valanora Times
Mix and Match

Halfway through the Fall, and halfway through yet another round of World Cup Qualifying with the Marauders sitting expectantly atop of their group. Yet hidden among that placing is two very unforgivable draws against less than stellar opponents. First it was the hiccup against Baptism of Fire third place side Logria in a match where they had thought they had the three points until the bitter end, but then the scoreless draw against Koseli Cumhuriyetler was just the ultimate sin. This team is too well organized and talented to not even get a goal against the Koseli, much less be dominated by them during almost the entire first half. Anárion has completely lost the plot and needed his contract terminated. Which is exactly what happened last night in Raynor City when Orophin met with Tobias Raynor in the Vanorian Footballing Association's Headquarters. Though they said that it was a mutual understanding and they agreed that he needed to move on in order for the squad to thrive, everyone knows that Tobias must have ripped into him for the failings of the squad.

In an ironic twist, step in Jaime Kuu. The sensational Starblaydi who the Vanorian crowd fell in love with during his time as that play making winger for Raynor City United has been appointed manager of the senior National Team of Valanora. It should come as no surprise given the rumblings that were going on before the Qualifiers ever began, but it is still a very odd time for the new manager to step in. Granted he was able to rectify the ship at United, turning around two second place finishes from the previous Cafundelense manager into another title, giving them the EPL record, and becoming the first person to win a title as a player and then as a manager. However, he only has three years of managerial experience under his belt, with two of those being with the Di Bradini 8 squad. The argument could be made that he knows the style of play at an intricate level and fits well within that style as well as having a good knowledge of the players at his disposal. It is widely expected that Lossëhelin will have a major hand in the first few weeks with him at the post, as she was always the line between Orophin and the players. Yet it will be up to Kuu to settle this squad and have them performing at the level that they and the rest of the entire world expects of them in every single matchday.

It is equally ironic considering that one of Kuu's first fixtures will be against him home country in a friendly that is becoming somewhat of a regular occurrence. The match will be taking place at the Artani stadium in Mar Sara, a stadium where the Marauders have a 3-0-0 record in all competitions, including the 8-0 thrashing of Prux in the World Cup 43 semi-final. The Marauders also have an excellent record against the Purple Peril on Vanorian soil, with twin victories and a draw in a friendly encounter two years ago to the day. It is obvious that the VFA is trying to get the psychological edge for the Marauders after yet another stunning defeat in the semifinals against the Starblaydi last tournament. With the home advantage, and the obvious mystique that the Artani stadium has for the Marauders, anything less than a victory would likely be seen as a bad start to his term, despite the Starblaydi being a perfect 7-0-0 in qualifying, #2 in the world, and the reigning champions.

Let us not forget that we also have two other friendlies at this midway stage, against Ad'ihan at the Hatire Memorial in Capri, and a bout against Kura-Pelland. Both of them will provide an excellent opportunity to give Kuu the chance for a springboard into the next half of qualification, where the side will have four of their seven fixtures on the road, including a dangerous trip to the Unified Capitalizt States to take on a struggling but dangerous JSY side. These three fixtures are of vast importance for Kuu, not only for the chance to right the ship, but also get himself acclimated with his squad. Perhaps if he can do such, we might see visions of the Pax Romana in store for the Marauder nation.

http://i292.photobucket.com/albums/mm1/Starblayde/nswiki/KuuValanora.jpg
Kuu at the press conference for his appointment.

Article by Aryaond Felbrinial

THE MONASTIC FOOTBALL ASSOCIATION
BRINGS YOU

THE FEAST OR SAINT OF THE DAY

The disappointing draw with the Bostopian Empire

The Forty Martyrs of Sebaste

Father Anthony sighed deeply to himself. All that talk of the triumph of Orthodoxy had been premature after all. Surely a home victory against the makeweights of the Bostopian Empire had been within reach, but no - another anticlimactic performance of miserable underachievement had followed, and a 0-0 draw had been the result. Fr. Anthony had to admit, though, that the Smolenski lad in the visitors' goal had had the match of his life - such a nice young man, too. With a name like that, could he possibly be Orthodox? Had he been crossing himself before the match, or seeking a blessing afterwards?

The arcane mysteries of Bostopian politics defeated even Fr. Anthony's attempt at understanding, but clearly there was some sort of split within the nation leading to two football teams with very smiliar names. Perhaps, mused Fr. Anthony, this was similar to the situation in the year 313 when St Constantine the Great had issued an edict granting Christians religious freedom, and officially recognizing Christianity as equal with paganism under the law. But his co-ruler Licinius had been a pagan, and he decided to stamp out Christianity in his part of the Empire. As Licinius prepared his army to fight Constantine, he decided to remove Christians from his army, fearing mutiny.

Perhaps this was similar to the situation in Bostopia? Had some of the squad been moved to the Bostopian Empire team to avoid mutiny? Had this been a reaction to the policies of the Emperor Boston? Fr. Anthony found it hard to believe that the notoriously addled Boston could have anything quite so coherent as actual policies, but you never knew.

One of the military commanders of that time in the Armenian city of Sebaste was Agricola, a zealous champion of idolatry. Under his command was a company of forty Cappadocians, brave soldiers who had distinguished themselves in many battles. When these Christian soldiers refused to offer sacrifice to the pagan gods, Agricola locked them up in prison. The soldiers occupied themselves with prayer and psalmody, and during the night they heard a voice saying, "Persevere until the end, then you shall be saved."

On the following morning, the soldiers were again taken to Agricola. This time the pagan tried flattery. He began to praise their valor, their youth and strength, and once more he urged them to renounce Christ and thereby win themselves the respect and favor of their emperor.

That sounded a bit more like the Emperor Boston - the unsuccessful use of advanced flattery in pursuit of the ineffective. But did that mean that Boston was more like Licinius or Agricola? Hadn't the analogy started with Boston being compared to Constantine the Great? Sometimes it was hard for even a man of Fr. Anthony's advanced wisdom to keep track of who was supposed to be who in these little parables of footballing faith.

In any case, seven days later, the renowned judge Licius arrived at Sebaste and put the soldiers on trial. The saints steadfastly answered, "Take not only our military insignia, but also our lives, since nothing is more precious to us than Christ God." Licius then ordered his servants to stone the holy martyrs. But the stones missed the saints and returned to strike those who had thrown them. One stone thrown by Licius hit Agricola in the face, smashing his teeth. The torturers realized that the saints were guarded by some invisible power. In prison, the soldiers spent the night in prayer and again they heard the voice of the Lord comforting them: "He who believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live (John 11:25). Be brave and fear not, for you shall obtain imperishable crowns."

At this point, Fr. Anthony gave up. Somehow he hard started off comparing the story of the Forty Martyrs to the situation within Bostopia, meaning somehow to compare his own squad to the martyrs while using the divided political situation within Bostopian football as an allegory for how the persecution of the Orthodox had come to be. Somehow, he had ended up with the Bostopian Empire's squad being the persecuted ones - and while the situation regarding every rock being flung at the martyrs wasn't so far away from the situation regarding every shot the monks had sent at Smolenski's goal, Fr. Anthony had to concede defeat. This was one of those days when the calendar of saints simply wasn't going to aid comparison.

Ah well, he mused, halfway through the campaign, and the squad were solidly in second - almost as many points from fourth and non-qualification as they were from first. Perhaps it was best not to question these things too much after all. Maybe he'd have more luck tomorrow with the 22 martyrs of Corinth...

"Sir?"

"Mmm?"

"The Minister of Police is here sir."

"Send him in."

President John Catalinoff had enjoyed the past few days. After the attack on the rogue militants, who had proved to be an awful lot of trouble, was an overwhelming success, the nation appeared to be back on the right track. Olympia was as safe as ever, with police again proud to be on the streets and without fear. John only hoped the Minister was not bringing any bad news.

"Good morning sir."

"Yes, hello Minister. Now, what have you come to tell me?"

"Don't fret sir, the news is not bad." With that, John let off a huge sigh of relief.

"Thank God for that. So, what then?"

"It's just the matter of how you would like to handle the funerals tomorrow. I understand you are keen to attend, would you like to speak or shall I?"

"Well I had planned on both of us talking Minister. I understand you knew two of them personally, so it is important for you to speak. I too must speak in order to portray the importance our government places on the events which occurred and how dismayed we as a country are at the senseless loss of life."

"Yes sir, excellently put. Well I shall see you tomorrow."

"Good day Minister."

John finished signing his letters and looked at the clock. Nearly 11:30am, which was close enough to golf time.

"Maria?"

"Yes sir?"

"Get the car ready. It's time for a round of golf."

"Certainly sir."

The only worry on his mind was his short game... Or lack thereof.

The BFSA was in quite a bit of Panic.

"We've got no logo and we're already half way through the Qualification... seems no one reads media releases anymore. What are we going to do?"

A Random BFSA staffer was running around in circles almost hyper ventilating at the thought of the BSF having no logo.

"Alright... desperate times call for desperate measures." Andrew Coulter said as he grabbed a bit of paper and did a quick outline graphically of an idea for the logo. It was by no means perfect but was a good start and something that Bazalonian firms (OOC: I'm not actually doing it so you don't have to worry) could generate a proper logo much easier.

"So, what do you think?"

There were a few nods... everyone agreed it was at least better than have no logo at all.

Meanwhile after the match with Edward City at SeaBazalope Arena.

"1-0... 1 bloody nil" The locker room was ecstatic. As Peter Hobble entered "Hey, Guys... GUYS!"

The room quietened down... "We're half way through but we've still got the reverse to go... anything can happen. Yes, I can officially confirm we're on the top of the Group table... but Bostopia, Kura-Pelland and Peisandros are all breathing down our neck only 3 points separates us from Peisandros."

"We have to now work harder than ever to ensure that we not only stay on the top.... but there is a good chance that we won't qualify. 2 of our opponents are higher ranked and Peisandros is practically right on our heals. We can't afford any rest for the wicked. We're going to be bigger better and more aggressive than ever if we going to win."

http://www.bostopia.net/maps/bostopianempire.pdf

History

Before the Empire became, the region the Bostopian Empire sits in was divided into three blocks.

The Fort Boston Treaty, signed between Bostopia, Milleron and Chikoo, became the building block upon which the Free Isles Defence Alliance (FIDA) was created from, largely as a counter-weight against the Communist nation of Vladmiristak and it's ally, Autumno (later Borisvich).

http://www.bostopia.net/flags/FIDA.GIF
Original Flag of FIDA, the three bars representing the original signees of the Fort Boston Treaty, and the 6 stars for the 6 members of FIDA.

Following years of what would have been known as stability to the citizens of the Region, the Governments of nations such as Deweyland and Rental Save began to dissolve, with Bostopia and Vladmiristak taking half of the nation each.

Eventually, with the collapse of Outer Sygon, only Bostopia and Vladmiristak were remaining, handing Bostopia sole control of FIDA, and FIDA Isle, between Bostopia's East-Southern coast, and Outer Sygon's northern coast. The cold war that came out of a hot war continued on, until on the 5th November, Vladmiristak finally became unsustainable under it's Communist policies, and the Government handed it's power to Bostopia.

Since that point, the Bostopian Government decided to grant the various former nations within the Empire a large deal of autonomy, with foreign policy and defence staying under the control of Government in Fort Boston. The best reasoning given so far by academics is that the Bostopian Government believed that if given autonomy and democracy, then the various peoples of the Empire would feel much more free rather than being ruled from foreign shores.

However, in an attempt to keep unity, the Ministry of Empirical Affairs had a football team created for international play, drawing players from across the Empire that were for the most part not Bostopian (spare two players, one playing under FIDA Isle birthright, and one serving soldier in the Arbad Islands). However, following the affair where the Empire's home game versus Bostopia was played in Emperor Boston's back garden, many suggest that elements of Fort Boston's Government control the team for political gain.

http://i292.photobucket.com/albums/mm1/Starblayde/nswiki/KuuValanora.jpg
Kuu at the press conference for his appointment.[/i]

[OOC: Who's that guy IRL? He's dreamy! :p]

Two matches that didn't count in the World Cup qualifying tables were what preoccupied the Stars today. While one of them was yet another in a maddening string of losses, Brian Wilson's mood was far better than one might expect.

The Stars defeated Taeshan 3-2 as all three primary Stars forwards scored a goal. It was the first time Brian Wilson used his three-forward formation and sat defender Spencer Hicks. Following the offensive explosion, he decided it would not be the last time.

As for Sarzonia's 4:0 loss to Starblaydia, Wilson remembered that the hosts were the defending World Cup champions and the second ranked team in the world. Losing away to a team of that calibre was anything but an outrage.

Still, reporters were surprised when Wilson walked in chuckling to himself.

"I think we're just going to throw that match out with the bath water," he said. "Really, a four-nil result away against the world's second ranked side is not unexpected. They've beaten far better teams by that same scoreline."

"Coach," Woodstock Daily Mail reporter Travis West began.

"Yes, Travis?"

"Are you going to take anything from these friendlies to build on for the second half of qualifying?"

"The fact we got a win against a team of a higher rank than ours away," Wilson said. "That, and the fact that we finally saw the three-forward lineup the way we envisioned it. We'll start using it against Yafalonia and Bazor 2 at Marshall."

"Coach? Can you address rumours that you considered resigning?"

Wilson fidgeted slightly before answering. His eyebrows arched slightly, then lowered and a sigh escaped his lips.

"I did," he said. "I got a pep talk from someone who told me that quitting wouldn't be worth it."

"Who gave you the pep talk?"

"Do you really want to know?"

"Yes."

"Joe McGowan."

"Who's he?"

"The night shift janitor in the 100 section of Marshall."

Murmurs among the press corps begun as people talked about the janitor's impact on the Stars. Wilson smiled slightly, then put his right hand up with his palm extended.

"Sometimes, the best wisdom comes from the most unexpected sources."

Jeruselem Government News

Princess Marie "Medusa" shakes off the baby blues

Jeruselem travelled to strife-torn Peisandros for an friendly away game. It was a big test for Jeruselem who face 5 away games in the next 7 games with the game in Qazox at the Kibbutz considered a home stadium for Jeruselem.

Jeruselem came away with a confident 3-0 win. Princess Marie ran out on the field with funny plastic snakes in her hair. While she didn't turn others to stone, the Peisandros team looked like statues in defense. Marie hasn't been scoring a lot of goals, probably because she wasn't fit and trying get rid of her baby fat.

It's taken a while but the team captain is back to what she does best. Jeruselem's hottest soccer Mum lead from the front scoring two skillful goals. Many women after they have children struggle to regain their old body shape and keep on putting on weight as they grow older. Not so with the Dallas girls who seem to bounce back and regain their old self.

Attack was name of the game with Peisandros being shaky like the state of their nation. Peisandros lacked confidence and Jeruselem took advantage of this lack of confidence in the home team's ability. They attacked hard to show there was going be one winner and it wasn't going be the home team. You can't beat Jeruselem by defending without trying to score.

Peisandros was maybe shaken by the current events at home with terrorist attacks but Jeruselem wasn't affected. Jeruselem is used to this kind of thing at home and a few armed nutcases don't scare the Princesses.

Princess Marie seemed to have more confidence than the locals had in their own security forces. After the game, she was standing outside the dressing room breastfeeding one of her kids.

Alfredo Valente was on a plane. He couldn't complain.

A copy of the Atlantic Oceania Sporting Gazette was laid out on his lap, fresh from reading the article about how Sarzonia's coach whatshisname got saved from the ignominy of resigning from his coaching position by the interference of a janitor. “Inspiration comes from strange places huh? Well let's see just how strange it can get.” Ordering another shot of blue drank, he came up with what sounded like a drastic plan. He would put his music player on random, and whatever line was playing when they landed in....Christ where are we going again? Hmm...someone at the Ministry of Sport and Tourism needed to clear these things with him, if they were going to go into space, he would definitely need to get some more pills before getting onto the RSS Hera. He was so interested in his newly arriving drink, and the intricacies of finding a pharmacist at half past midnight in the Inland Empire neighborhood, he almost completely forgot to listen to his music player as the team landed.

[I]“I can't feel my face; the album. Now watch me put the beat to sleep like a valium.”

Hmm. He felt inspired for the first time in awhile. That was the solution that he felt like he was missing. Obviously he was super-strung out, especially after the latest Prux Incident [never to be spoken of again]. The answer had to be medical grade anti-depressant depressants. Genius. He set a meeting with his pharmacist for 10:00 tomorrow, well in time to get some in his system before the game.

A/O Gazette of Sport : News You Can't Use:

Quintero back to Angola Federal.

After the incident which should never be spoken of again, Felipe Quintero former national team goalie, former arsonist, and goalkeeper coach for the Arrozan National Team until a few weeks ago was remanded without bail to the Angola State penitentiary until the completion of his trial for [redacted]. Quintero says that he regrets nothing and looks forward to starting in goal for the Lifers next year in the Domestic League.

Tar Hornets Sting Da Bears, lose to Golden Wolves.

In the mid-qualifying games for the Tar Hornets, the team won a game against the decidedly unusual competition of Bears Armed. The final score of 2-0 was blames on a small heatwave in the area that had the ursine home team off their game in the warmth. Unfortunately, they couldn't pull off the upset at #7 in the world Vephrall, losing honorably 2-1.

Dancougar News!! Road Report
REPENT!!

Guys, this is Rob. Today was the off day, and we played The Bye. You know, that creepy team that always seems to show up when you think you have a break in the action? Well, so the Wings were spending the break in the action trying to prepare for Qazox, right, because they need this game. Oh man, they need this like I need to be in a room that doesn't smell like twenty gallons of printer toner just got dumped on the floor.

But then The Bye showed up all like, "You thought this was going to be a routine practice for you guys? NUH UH!" And we were all like, oh crap, oh crap, guys, it's The Bye. And of course, it was a road game. We scored no goals, man. LISTEN TO ME. WE SCORED NO GOALS ON THE BYE DAY, AND IT WAS ON THE ROAD. LIKE THE SAME ROAD THAT QAZOX IS ON AND JUNK.

So we have to play five of the last seven games on the road, and we need pretty much all of those points to creep into third the way the rest of this group is playing, but we're up blink creek without a paddle, man. Game over! We're tenth in the blinkin' world and we're going to flame out hard. And you all should be afraid! Remember those turtle guys? You know, the ones who gave us that coach? That Charles Whats-his-pont? They were tenth in the world and didn't qualify that one time. So where are they now?

SOMEWHERE BETWEEN THE HAVEN'T SEEN YOU LATELY MOUNTAINS AND THE SEA OF NOT EXISTING ANYMORE.

You heard me! If those goals don't start flowing, we're done for! It's arma-blinkin-geddon! I suggest you all strip down and adorn ancient tribal robes, burn some incense or something, and sacrifice every rubber chicken you can lay a hand on. YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT. DON'T SCREW THIS UP.

World Cup 45 Qualification - Group 2
PRQ: 1-3@ Newmanistan [32] (@ Putnam Lake Stadium, Putnam Lake - ???)
MD1: 2-2 @ Greal [43] (@ who knows where?)
MD2: 1-0 @ Taeshan [31] (@ %$#^)
MD3: 2-0 @ Albundania [UNK] (@ here?)
MD4: 2-3@ Cassadaigua [50] (@ pink!)
MD5: 2-1 vs Candelaria And Marquez [15] (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong - 150,000)
MD6: 1-0 @ Mo Land 3 [141] (@ gemme moland!)
MD7: 4-1 vs Achtervolging [98] (@ Dynasty Imperial Football Stadium, Namgyeong - 51,000)
MQ: @ Booblybobbers
MD8: vs Greal [43] (@ Goguryeo Football Stadium, Pyeongyang - 52,000)
MD9: vs Taeshan [31] (@ Sanhaemun Football Stadium, Cheonjin - 60,000)
MD10: vs Albundania [UNK] (@ Silk Road Stadium, Seoan - 56,000)
MD11: vs Cassadaigua [50] (@ Munhwa Football Stadium, Hanseong - 65,000)
MD12: @ Candelaria And Marquez [15] (@ somewhere good :P)
MD13: vs Mo Land 3 [141] (@ Potala, Lasa - 34,000)
MD14: @ Achtervolging [98] (@ ah-choo!)
PTQ: ???

*** Sanhaemun, Cheonjin ***

Cheonjin - called "Heaven's Ford" for centuries - is the city upon the Balhae sea. It was also historically the sea over which the Emperor Taejo had his ashes spread, a tradition that was hardly followed through the years except only recently by the Emperor Gojong. And one more of the great fathers would be following them on their route home. The Emperor Yeongmu was set early upon his boat, alone in the autumn mist and fog. In his hand was the urn in which his father's ashes were interned. At the proper moment, at sun rise, he would scatter the ashes into the sea. There were two characters written upon the urn: 忠宗, 충종 (Chungjong). It would be the name inscribed at the temple when Yeongmu returned to the Spring Palace. The same temple where his forebears were registered to have passed on to the next life. Of course, the tradition of inscribing a temple name was simply an artifact of the days when the Emperors were literally the sons of Heaven, but even today, the temple name is what people will remember if not anything else.

A firm west wind carried the ashes from Yeongmu's hands out to sea, and the morning mist break away as the sun-rise shone upon the calm waters. The boat started to drift out into the sea, but it was tethered to shore with a rope. Yeongmu felt though that he could just cut it off and drift away and be alone in the world. After all, he was alone.

But he was mindful of his obligations. The Empire still needed him in more ways than one. He was the head of the state; he was only the last remaining heir. His sister was too young and furthermore not suitable to take the reins yet. His mother could sit as Empress Dowager, but for how much longer? They were both old and as such, they could only imagine a few more years before it was that time. His most important mission yet - produce an heir. To do that, he'd need a wife or at least a legitimate mistress. But he'd never thought to marry before; and even if he did think to marry, he was never quite as charismatic with women to attract their attention. He didn't want to be like the Emperors of yore, who stole away their brides from the villages. He wanted to show genuine love and interest. He'd need time to find her, and then to marry her. 5 years. To raise a child - 2 years. To raise him to an age appropriate to take the reins - 12 years. To raise him to an age appropriate to reign - 12 years. In all, over 30 years. Who knew that raising an heir was so much work?

The Emperor returned to shore, where the Ministers were arranged to receive him. He passed the urn to the chief of the Imperial Temple, and proceeded immediately to his horse. Like Emperors of yore, he would walk back to the Palace, ignoring the possible threats upon his life. "I have many things to do," he said. "I have less need to worry of terrorists than I do of raising this Empire."

He was a pious son. But as was the case with all masters of yore, in excess, piety could cost one's bearing in life.

*** Somewhere, Sometime, Somehow ***

Yim Hwanyong no longer existed. An Imperial Oversight Committee unanimously voted to revoke Yim's citizenship to the Han Empire, indefinitely until he had proven himself capable of civil responsibility. And as a result, they released him into the desert. Without food, water, shelter, clothes, the like. Everything that civilization had offered him in his tenure, civilization stole away once more to find another willing citizen.

But Yim didn't care that he was alone in the wind-stripped desert. The sand could blow in his face for all that he cared, and he would still be pleased with his life. It was all fulfilled, and now he could die in peace.

But until he died, he was stuck in the miserable desert, with the miserable desert sun beaming overhead. He wasn't a citizen anymore, and he bore the tattoo that now said that he once was but no longer is. The severity of his crime was inscribed upon the tattoo, that he had killed a great man. The fact that he had a tattoo meant that he was tried by his peers and sentenced by a magistrate. Ever since the death penalty was abolished, the magistrates have had the great difficulty of sorting those who would be exiled, and those who would be re-educated. This instance saw no need for a judgment; with the evidence literally stacked against him, the magistrate quickly and evenly pronounced the harshest exile: abandonment in the wild. Historically, it meant that a person was left in the desolate wild to fend himself against the barbarians; but now it just meant the elements. It wasn't a death sentence, in that nature would kill him if it meant to do so; although often, the Imperial authorities would stack the odds in favor of death.The nearest wilderness was the Gobi Desert off to the north. A military aviation convoy led Yim out to the middle and from the air dropped him with just a sack-cloth over his body. As they left, they took the sack-cloth with them, exposing him as he was.

He wondered why they didn't just kill him. It's what they wanted. He knew that. The fact that he had fulfilled his life's journey and was resigned to death left him bitter. Why didn't they just kill him? He was done! Why not finish him, just as they finished everyone else? He yelled out into the empty expanse, with the howling wind hiding his voice. And he would have died in that wind, he would have wanted it. But it was not to be - not yet.

*** Lucky Cricket Bar, Jungan Street, Hangyeong ***

The bar was empty after the incidents in the capital. Nearly every door and window in the streets of Hangyeong were draped in black, as were many of the other buildings in other cities. But Hangyeong was the one where the dark ombre atmosphere persisted. Min Hansu's place was no exception, and the place vacated of any customers, except those with no other place to go. Chan Seokgyu was busily strumming some notes on his old harp, sad melodic notes that conveyed the sense of national mourning. Hansu felt like singing along, but he neither knew the words to the song (if there were any) nor had any musical talent whatsoever. Instead, he simply listened to Chan play his heart out, while Kim Seungho maintained the bar, the cooks waited for business, and Hong and Choe sat by passing the time. Yu was at home with her family, where she belonged. Her husband would have been there, but she forbade it. And with just cause, perhaps, because now was not the time to be drowning out sorrows in a senseless quest to drink beer or soju. Sobreity was the call - a clear mind with clear focus, to purge all thoughts of mischief aside. It was strange how this unreal peace suddenly fell upon the nation.

Hansu turned to his cooks, nodded at them. "I don't think you have to worry about the food, today. Go home and be with your families."

Some of the cooks packed up and went home, but for those few (i.e. two) who only had school and work, they preferred work to school. Kim Seungho himself would rather stay than leave for his empty abode. "I don't think there will be any business," Kim said, summarizing what was perhaps the blatantly obvious.

"Yes, it seems so," Hansu replied. His sigh was not one of disbelief; he was firmly aware that people would not come, and moreover he was not expecting anyone to come at all. He would have been surprised if anyone else came that day. And maybe the next day. And the next day. And the day after that next day. He would have been content to see things just as they are. Sombre, but mildly reflective.

"Do you think anyone else has noticed?" Kim asked.

"Who else would care to notice?" Hong replied.
"Who is who?" Hansu asked.
"Who should care to notice?" Choe replied.

Chan continued to play his harp.

"I mean, the world," Kim said, clarifying his statement.

"Yeah, who else would care?" Hong replied. "Who else in the world cares about the Han? We've been persecuted by other countries (ooc: referring to the Scandinvans xenophobia episode), everyone thinks we're a joke, and to top it off, our own former leader gets popped off in our own capital under the watch of millions of people. It's like we're trying to get international viewer attention in a very bad way."

"That's completely irreverent to talk about the Empire and the Emperor like that!" Hansu remarked, almost scolding Hong.

"It's the truth, though," Hong said in return. "You can't scold the truth."

"And I mean should we even bother worrying about it?" Choe said. That remark brought the glare of everyone in the room. Even Chan stroked an odd chord as he heard Choe speak. Choe would have justified his statement, but instead he got up and went out to smoke his next cigarette. Chan quietly put away his harp.

"The nerve of that man!" Chan said. "In the days when the Myeongjo Emperor died, no music could be heard for a great distance, and the crickets hummed their sweet evening homily for 3 years! He gets out of his chair to waste his breath on incensed sticks of weed [/color="green"](ooc: he means tobacco, not marijuana, which would be more expensive to buy)[/color], only after he speaks an outrage! Where is his sense of moral righteousness? The shame! The shame! That's what's wrong with today's youth!" Everyone in the bar groaned at having to hear yet another lecture. "They completely ignore the traditions of our forebears, and despite the moral fortitude of our history and customs, the Emperor's permit it! You know children these days need to learn proper respect! Respect for their elders, respect for their Emperor! Otherwise, you're going to see a generation of Mujeongbu terrorists raised in the absence of social authority."

"If you preach as much as you do, why don't you invoke your wisdom into practice, Chan-seonsaengnim?" Hong was playing a delicate gamble. Either he'd insult Chan too much that Chan would explode or otherwise Chan would see the shame in his lecturing. Fortunately, Chan had enough composure to remain calm as he decided to pull out his harp. Evidently, even the old man thought that some things were better under the new Emperors.

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One Bad Win - One Good Win

NAMGYEONG - After what was a clean game in Hangyeong (aside from the tragedy that was the murder of the Daeweongun), the Han traveled away in dark sombre spirits to Mo Land 3 to find a familiar face of ridiculous refs. And unlike before, this whole episode started from the get-go. SLANI officials and the Han don't get along and it was evident that someone was going to start getting fiesty. Fortunately, the SLANI officials laid easy on the cards, probably because if they did, they'd be in bigger trouble. But it didn't stop them from ignoring fouls against the Han and giving free kicks to the Mo Land 3 players at opportune times. And the Han team, fresh off the tragedy of losing a father of the Empire, was noticeably at the edge of its limits of toleration. Ioshido Toki - back on the field after a red card for that match in Cassadaigua - had a quick word with the matchc officials at the break, reminding them about certain things. Whatever it was, they seemed to get the point. He came back to the lockers, giving a brief statement to the onlooking broadcasters.

"There's only so much that we can do under so much distress. Never have I been forced to justify a referee's actions in my entire career! And they're going to expect me to handle this all the same? No, I will not."

As to what he was supposed to be handling, he left ambiguous, but coming out after the interval, Ioshido put on Kim Daeeui for Kim Mihyeon to put the star strikers back in the front once more. And that magic we missed for so long came back to life in a series of missed kicks, uncalled fouls, and mischief. Jeong Jihun was given a yellow card for reacting excessively to a slide tackle on him by a Mo Land 3 player, but the referee surprised everyone by giving the same yellow card to that player. Oy! Who gets the kick? Well, of course, Mo Land 3 got the kick, but the fact that the referee was showing less bias was noticeable by the Han fans. And so, the adventurous Han side developed a simple plan of attack that finally yielded a goal. A clean goal, by none other than Kim Daeeui. He's one of the oldest players on the team, but his experience at times hides his age. The quick curl took the ball into the air off to the far right corner of the net, crossing over three defenders and the goalkeeper. If there was any shot that showed just how resilient the Han could be, that was it. Despite the odds, it went in, and the small crowd of Han fans roared. A few minutes later, the match ended.

Perhaps the officials are learning to be more cautious when dealing with the Han, because that result saw the Han climb rather tensely to the top of the table, after Greal defeated Taeshan, and Candelaria And Marquez recovered handsomely against Cassadagua. In all, the top five positions are being contested with a margin of just two points. An indication of just how horrible the Han have been performing under these extremely tense circumstances? Hardly - all of the matches (except the C&M match) were away matches. And with one remaining home match in the first half of qualification, the Han may have the opportunity to recover lost points back at home, with five matches in succession. Achertervolging first, then Greal, whom we drew in our first match. We'll get another chance to try Taeshan and Albundania before facing Cassadaigua again at home. The recent ordeal over who said what made an awry turn when their national team made some claims that Kim Jiwun was acting in an unsportsman conduct and should be suspended, perhaps following the example made by Kim Jingyu (whose lashing against the referee was very well justified, but extreme nonetheless). Of course, who can trust them? They practically consorted with the referees to turn this ordeal into a bigger pain than what it should be. If they want to feign their injuries, that's fine by me. Because if the Han want to hurt you, you'll probably end up in the hospital, just like that SLANI ref at the Albundania match.

On another note, we probably should start up some martial arts competition...

The return trip to Namgyeong seemed to establish some criterion of good versus bad refs; refs appointed for away matches are SLANI, while refs appointed for home matches are good. Evidence was not only in the 4-1 thrashing of Achtervolging, but also in the number of cards issued for the entire match - zero! Kim Mihyeon started out the countdown of goals, with a neatly tucked goal to the top corner, after the Achtervolging defense made a blunder. People thought that the ref was blowing of offsides, but they were surprised as the scoreboard went up 1-0... and the ref approved. Jeong Jihun added another one just minutes later as sloppy defending created another opening. However, sloppy defending immediately turned into sloppy defending at the other end, and the Achtervolging strikers made a clear and honest shot on goal, beating the defense and Kim Jongguk to put the game back 2-1 as the teams went into the lockers for the interval. Those few fans who braved the tough times and the potential ridicule got back to cheering for the team, and even cut the ref a little slack when he failed to note a few fouls (at least he did it equally fairly to both teams). Coming out refreshed, the Han managed to show the opponents a good beating, with a goal coming out just minutes after the break. YI Yeongpyo dealt a long pass into the box, which Jeong Jihun deftly juggled before slotting it into the net. I could see a number of fans who got heart attacks (one guy actually did get a heart attack... emergency services had a hard time extracting him...) while waiting for Jeong to just shoot! the damned ball. But with the scoreline 3-1, the game seemed to ease out, to allow more play in midfield. But Ioshido Toki was wisely wary of the goal deficits presented by the number of other matches. So he took out Kim Mihyeon for Kim Daeeui. And not long after, the Han got a shot on goal, deflected out wide for a corner kick. To be honest, the delivery was poor, but Kim Daeeui still managed to find another shot on goal; blocked as it was though, Jeong Jihun took up the loose ball and simply kicked it. Hat trick and a great win for the Han. That probably means 4 more good games while at home, so here's to hoping we can recover some lost points.

Of course, if you're Candelaria And Marquez, you'll be hoping for more than just recovering lost points - they're down 5th after a surprising loss to Mo Land 3, while Greal stole up second with a win over Albundania and Taeshan couldn't find the winning goal at home against Cassadaigua. Although today's win extended the lead over the group, it's still just only two points, but considering the condition of our group partners, we'll need a few more points before we've comfortably qualified for the World Cup.

Goal Tally
7 - Jeong Jihun
2- Kim Mihyeon, Baek Jihun
1 - Pak Yongho, Yi Yeongpyo, Kim Daeeui

Brian Ying Uing Triples Nethertopia By Himself

Friendly time in Taeshan is perhaps soccers defining moment for sports fans. Of course when both game are suddenly moved at the close of the first half of qualifying to a land "far far away" because the head of your governemt is a miniacal badass Soccer seems to take a different light. A chance to geet away for a few hours from your horrid life to watch your team play their foe. Of course when very few fans can make it all the way to Pyeonyang to take in the game the internets use to watch a game that has been banned by that very same miniacal leader suddenly soar upward. In my Q and A earlier with a soccer fan from Pwux i said that "Soccer is a Lifesaver" this statement has many maenings and it has shown when you catch any game. Soccer may be just a sport, but it can be much more.

he Purple Knights had two friendlies to play in this time of great need. First up was the lads of Sarzonia. A long time ago they were one of the great starstudded teams, just recently they returned to the national scene last year stunning the world by almost qualifyingf to the first cup back out of the same group of the Knights. Wednesday they were the better team as the Knights were never even close and it seemed without the backing of their country they were nothing. Zeke Jr. tried to keep the Knights in it, but his two goals were know were near enough.

Game to was yesterday. As stated in the headline the Knights star player Brian Ying Uing scored a double hatrick and he lead the team to a 6-2 victory over the young team from the land of Nethertopia. He scored his first three in the first halfs 27th, 38th and 44th minutes. Then in the 45th and the 6oth Nethertopia tried to get back into it, but Ying Uing gave the Knights an ever present lead when he scored three more times in the 77th, 80th, 87th. It was never even close.

OOC point: Any Qazox RP DIRECTLY involving Statham takes place in Qazoxian year 1952, while the Cup RP's themselves are in 1954...

NSWC Headquarters, Rêvane, Arridia;
Just inside a courtroom...

Marc Statham: Damn, didn't think that someone from every nation would be hee to hear this case.

<Statham looks around the courtroom and seeing, amongst the crowd the following people: Dazza Dallas, Juan Tzimisces, Jeremy Jaffacake, Trevor Belmore and a version of Margaret wearing a sarong.>

WCC court baliff: Case #45-d56 Qazox v. Sativaville is now in session. The honorable Simeone Di Bradini is presiding.

<The following coverssation takes place between Statham and the QFA lawyer, while the opening statement by the Sativavillian lawyers is going on.>

Marc Statham: Sativaville?

QFA Lawyer: I thought they'd withdrawn from the WCC 30 years ago.

Marc Statham: Same here, but why would they sue us over something that happened about 15 years before they became independent?

QFA Lawyer: I guess we'll find out.

<Conclusion of the opening remarks by Sativaville's lawyers...>

Sativaville Lawyer: ...And those reasons are why we the Sativavillian Football Association are suing the Qazoxian Football Association. We belive they are guilty of this fraud and we, the Sativavillian Football Association, should be recompensated for the last 30+ years for World Cup matches lost, and punitive damages.


(ooc: Hope no one minds that i used a couple WC legends from the past to be in the courtroom, or that SDB is the judge...)

Peisandros has been well beaten in its two mid-qualifying friendly games. Firstly at home to Jeruselem they were given a good old fashioned thrashing by the Princesses, who played just like a twelfth ranked team. Aggressive and looking to attack, the Sandrian defence was left in tatters. The confidence which exuded from the girls was evident from the second they stepped off the plane and that was a big factor in their victory.

In their second friendly game, they travelled off to Ad'ihan, expecting another very difficult game. They got that, but appeared to have learned atleast something from their earlier hiding, only losing 1-0. A far better result and one which coach Pappas can take a bit of confidence from going in to what is going to be a very difficult second round of qualifying.


Full Schedule.
Pre Friendlies
vs Bears Armed @ National Sports Arena, Olympia. 2-1.
Qualifying Stage One.
vs Bostopia @ National Sports Arena, Olympia. 0-1
vs Colbourne @ People of Ephesum Stadium, Ephesum. 1-0
vs Bazalonia @ Peisandros Bowl, Delphi. 1-0
at Edward City. 4-2
vs Lurikastan @ People of Ephesum Stadium, Ephesum. 2-2
at Kura-Pelland. 0-1
vs Mantwenic @ National Sports Arena, Olympia. 2-0.
Mid Friendlies
vs Jeruselem @ National Sports Arena, Olympia. 0-3
at Ad'ihan. 0-1
Qualifying Stage Two.
at Bostopia.
at Colbourne.
at Bazalonia.
vs Edward City @ People of Ephesum Stadium, Ephesum.
at Lurikastan.
vs Kura-Pelland @ National Sports Arena, Olympia.
at Mantwenic.
Post Friendlies
vs Myedvedeya (Unsure where).
at Krytenia.
at Taeshan.

Greali Team...

Henry Watson: We're playing the Han players tomorrow.

Ross Trent: Yes guys. I bet they're hoping for a victory in the aftermath of their victory over Achtervolging.

Howard Anderson: We won't give it to them. Over my dead body.

Ross Trent: That's the spirit.

Raul Grant: We got them, then Candelaria And Marquez.

Howard Anderson: Yeah, its going to be tough.

Ivan Wilson: Coach?

Ross Trent: Yes?

Ivan Wilson: Suppose we fail to qualify. Are you going to be replaced?

Ross Trent: As far as I know, no.

Howard Anderson: Well, we won't let you down Ross.

Ross Trent: Assurances?

Howard Anderson: You have my assurances.

Ross Trent: Come on guys. We can't lose tomorrow's game. We gotta keep our second place. WE GOTTA KEEP IT.

Team murmurs agreement.

Ross Trent: We can do this, lets not lose our heads. We're through half the qualifying stage, lets make it through the rest.

Howard Anderson: If we qualify, drinks are on me for weeks to come.

Michael Istoma: Are you joking?

Howard Anderson: I never joke.

Ross Trent: Match is not until tomorrow, but lets do a few practices.

Howard Anderson: Sure.

Tony Soaps: Fine by us.

Ross Trent: Lets do this.

Valanora thump Cal's Ad’ihan

Capri, ESF, VALANORA— Former world champions Valanora may have had one of their own on the opposing team, but they certainly did him no favours at the Hatire Memorial on Tuesday, taking his team down 3-0 and racking up another loss for him against his own country.

Devida Cal, Ad’ihan's Valanora-born manager, has failed to defeat his birth nation in two attempts since taking over as manager of the United Islands' football team. Both times, Cal's side played on Vanorian soil, and both times they suffered a thrashing at the hands of a side far superior to them technically on the pitch.

During the Vahala Invitational, Ad’ihan faced Valanora in the group stage at Artani in Mar Sara on Matchday 3 of competition and were taken apart systematically, losing 4-0. Tuesday's meeting in Capri was the first since then, and Cal's side showed no change despite being very different from the one that previously lost to Valanora.

Jaime Kuu, Valanora's Starblaydi-born manager, seems to be on a run of newbie's luck — a fact Cal conceded during the post-match press conference. Of course, Cal is no stranger to newcomer's luck — since taking over during World Cup 43 qualifying, he has statistically been the manager with the best win ratio of all Ad’ihani managers.

Cal put the loss down to jet lag following the team's two home friendly wins over Liventia and Peisandros (2-0 and 1-0), and complained his team had almost no time to train before the match against Valanora. Despite this, he had praise for Kuu, and said he believed Kuu would go on to become Valanora's best manager in years.

The 3-0 loss tips the record between Ad’ihan and Valanora or Elves Security forces in Valanora's favour, with three Ad’ihani wins compared to four for Valanora/ESF, and no draws.

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Purple, Stinging….Aargh, Nellie!
By Rami Niblick in Emberton

STARBLAYDIA. It’s a name that, so often, crosses the path of our own Aces, and a name that, unlike that of Krytenia, appears engraved for prosperity upon the World Cup trophy. The Men In Mauve, the Purple Peril, call them what you will; unfortunately, what they are not is shrinking Violets, and the scoreline matched the most important statistic in the history of these two great rivals: Krytenia nil, Starblaydia four.

Valruncion can be a mercurial talent. Often pilloried in the Starblaydi press for his elven roots and egocentric nature (this in a nation with Dominique Domasca as consort!), yesterday saw what was quite possibly his finest hour. Poor Nick Simpson will be having migraines for a month; he couldn’t get near his man, and the result was a stylish hat-trick and the destruction of Krytenian hopes in a cloud of purple smoke.

Starblaydia, as the score suggests, had the game completely their own way, a fact not helped by particularly inept performances from some of the men in sky blue. Uriel Kennedy was completely invisible, whilst Darren Scotland would have had trouble scoring in a Jeruselem brothel. Even the normally effervescent Kiefer Lloyd seemed unusually subdued, possibly distracted by the four shiny gold-coloured stars on each of the Starblaydi shirts.

The result leaves Krytenia clinging onto third place, with Green Wombat closing not far behind, but with the next three games being a pair of friendlies against UCS SLANI, West Zirconia, and a trip to the new Hyppodrome for round two of the Mike Sarzo Memorial trophy, there’s plenty of time to regroup and ensure a place in Demot and the Capitalizt States.

Courtney’s Space

Ahhhh time to rest. Halfway into qualifying and a handful of teams were playing mid-qualifying friendlies, and some teams have played as many as three games while we have been resting and limiting ourselves to club duty. The only match of them that I bothered to watch was the Taeshan game against Nethertopia. I was in Tenderville at the time, making it logical that I would want to see them play against the team in our group. It gave me some time to read some of my reader mail and answer some questions that may be on your mind.

Shayna, of Berkshire, asks me, “Courtney, do you have any time for a social life? I noticed that you are still single and don’t have any kids. You must have a pretty grueling schedule playing for a foreign team and then your national team duties.”

There is time for a social life, but not much of it. Usually the day that you have to yourself to have fun or hang out with the family or friends is the day right after matchday because your coaches take it easy on you and usually don’t have a practice. The amount of fun you can really have though, Shayna, is limited, because you are in recovery mode, physically, from a grueling game. Yes I am single, but not for a lack of trying. I’m not going to force myself into anything and while I have met some great guys I haven’t met the one yet. Kids will come if I find that guy. LOL

Michael, of Grande Mountain asks, “Do you think Cassadaigua will ever have a guy on one of their teams? The Men’s Rights movement is trying to make progress and a lot of the other countries have men and women. Male Equality Now (MEN) has demanded this happen in the next World Cup. When will Cassadaigua move forward and finally have equal opportunities for men?”

I support the Men’s Rights movement, and MEN is an organization with good intentions. But at this time I have say that if were to include a male on one of our teams, it would be nothing but an obvious publicity stunt. As we, as a soccer team look to improve our status amongst the World’s best, we can’t afford to be doing something like that. If a guy is able, then he will be on the team for merit, not because MEN demanded it.

Kim, from Rutland asks, “Do you think the game against The Han Empire is going to get ugly later?”

No. As I mentioned in my last blog, we will meeting on matchday 11. The level of intensity is much higher on matchday 11 then it is on matchday 4. Both countries will be focused on the matter at hand, and it will be a clean game.

Rochelle, from St. Catherine’s asks, “How come you hardly talk about Michelle Fuller. Show her some love! She kicks ass out there in Dancougar and has being doing the same in qualifying!”

You’re right, Michelle is owed some more love in my blog. It’s just impossible to give credit to all of my teammates. Michelle has really found a nice spot there in Dancougar and it is evident that she has learned a lot and gotten better while there. With us, she is our field general in the back end. She is an outstanding defender and a big reason we are where we are right now.

And let’s get in one more,

Jasmine of Concord Heights writes, “I can’t believe they awarded Concord Heights a regional in the college basketball thing. I don’t follow basketball but I remember your one blog where you talked about wanting to increase that stature of domestic Cassadagan sports. This really seems like it can be the first step in that, don’t you think?”

It’s a start. For a Dagan city to be selected for one of those four regionals is a big thing. And on that topic, if any of the players on our schools represented are reading this, I wish you the very best. Good luck! The eyes of the participating world will be on Cassadaigua as those games get played in Concord Heights. It’s a small step, though, the tournament isn’t as big as other sports that we have gotten involved in. It was very exciting to hear the news.

I’m going to wrap this up there. Thank you for your e-mail, I read every one even though I may not reply to them all. Our halftime break is done with now and we must be ready for an inspired team from the Mo Lands, that third one, as they are coming off their upset win over Candelaria And Marquez.

"Hi, I'm Alyssa Banana, and welcome to Talk Sport Gort here on Quod FM. We'll be broadcasting live from Sorthern Northland tomorrow with all the exciting action in World Cup 45 qualifiers. Today was a rest day, and it will be a welcome rest for a squad that has struggled to find form, picking up just three points and still in search a victory in what has to be a very disappointing run for all concerned. I'm delighted to be joined once again by Jessica Jensen. Jessica, hello."

"Hello Alyssa, it's great to be here. And can I just say hello to my pet slug, Ethel."

"No, I'm sorry, I poured salt on it this morning. Jessica, how is the mood in the camp?"

"We're rocked back, of course. Usually we start strong and can't keep it up, but this time, we can't seem to get going."

"As the actress said to the secularist."

"Indeed."

"Ill-discipline a problem, still. Three red cards in seven games, two key players out tomorrow - will that be a factor?"

"We'll miss Dino and Micky, for sure, but I think the bigger problem isn't suspensions: it's that we keep giving away opportunities and getting ourselves into trouble. I'm all for attacking football, but this is silly, and it's not helping us. We have a hard enough time winning when there are 11 of us on the pitch."

"Speaking of that, do you think the problem stems from lacking a natural goal scorer?"

"I don't think that's fair. Roger and Dennis are both great strikers, and we have plenty of scoring power in midfield."

"You must have been pleased to pick up two against Greston."

"Yes, though it was terrible to go down to a draw. In a tough group like this, we have to look to pick up three points against unranked sides, and really press teams like Sarzonia - instead, we settled for two draws, and then caved to the Stars. It was very disappointing."

"Jessica, there's been a lot of press coverage of Theo Littlefellow and Peter Rogers, who've found themselves playing for MN Smith in Candelaria And Marquez. Do you think more Quodite players should be looking overseas, given the lack of a major domestic football scene? Or do you think it breaks morale?"

"No, certainly it'd be great to have more experience, which I guess we can only get abroad. It's something I'd consider myself, once I finish my degree. I think the difficulty is that foreign clubs don't generally want to sign losing players, though. So it's a bit of a circle, really: the only way we'll improve is by gaining more experience, and the only way we'll gain more experience is by improving!"

"Jessica, realistically: is qualification now out of reach?"

"We don't want to think about that: let's take it one game at a time. If we can put together a better run of seven good games, then that'll be enough for now."

"One final question. Do you think Quintessence of Dust should be more or less involved in international football?"

"More, obviously. I know the latest polls show I'm in the minority on that, but again, this isn't about a show of hands. Obviously if the team does badly, people get bored and wonder why their taxes are going into it. But only if we put even more sports investment in place will we get the kind of results that people want to see."

"Jessica Jensen, thanks for joining us. Now, we go Arts Corner with Magellan Lumberlitz."

"Thank you Alyssa. First tonight, a review of the National's latest production, Sodomising Ronald Reagan, a provocative new play exploring the limits of political conservatism..."

http://img134.imageshack.us/img134/7993/dailyturkjo0.png
Koseli Cumhuriyetler 1–0 Nethertopia
Turks Edge Boring Affair
Not many of us will have heard the words boring and affair in the same sentence, but this game really was plain. The back and forth play bored both sets of fans as the managers were experimenting with the teams. The best chance of the first half fell to Arif who nodded the header well wide.

The second half was equally boring, the Turks looked more exciting than their host and when it was anounced that there would be 4 minutes of added time, the crowd booed, however it was then that captain Serkan smashed in the decider.

Newmanistan 3–1 Koseli Cumhuriyetler
Sick of The Sight of Them.
Gokhan kicked of the game, as the Turks got another rematch with old rivals, Newmanistan. It was also Gokhan who got the ball rolling in terms of goals, dancing past two defenders to score a placed finish past Kusler who was helpless to the fantastic finish in the 12th minute. However it was short lived as Carlson got a goal back in the 20th.

The Turks came out with a more attacking outlook in the second half but they got broken onto twice for two goals that killed of the Turks Parnett with the first and Prescott lobbing the oncoming Orhan for the third of the game.

Sorthern footballers looking to qualify for goose attack victim

Sorthern football was left in mourning last weekend as a young footballer saw his life bought to a tragic end after being cut down in broad daylight by a goose. The player, last night confirmed as Vespucci's Adamo Carandini, was seen by many as having a bright future in the game, with Merginn Moffat confirming he'd watched the player on a number of occasions with a few to bringing him into the senior squad after Feng Shui's retirement.

Police have confirmed that the attack happened as Carandini was cycling along a river bank to Vespucci's match on Saturday afternoon. One eyewitness report has told how a “feral goose jumped out of the river and straight into Carandini's bike knocking him off and submerging him in the river”. The goose was arrested on the scene, with a senior police office stating, “This is not a tragic accident as those animal-rights groups would have you believe, but a cowardly and calculated pre-meditated murder, and the goose must be held accountable.”

Tributes have quickly poured in for the young winger. Lee Waywide, captain of the nation team was one of the first to pay tribute to Carandini saying, “I personally never played with or against Adamo, but he took part in several training camps with the national team, and there we all saw the immense amount of talent he had. I've no doubt that had he not been taken, he would have become a key member of the national team in years to come, and one of the most exciting Sorthern players around. Hopefully we can do well in the World Cup in tribute to him. It's not much, but as fellow footballers, I'm sure it's what he would want.”

Carandini was a part of the Sorthern U21 squad at the 8th Di Bradini Cup in which the team were threatened several times by violent anatidaes. Despite the threat of anatidae attack being large for several years only two players have as of yet been harmed by an attack. Sadly, half of them have been killed whilst being attacked.

The SNFA have announced that a minutes silence will be held before the Quintessence of Dust game as a mark of respect for Carandini. Players from both teams will also be asked to wear black armbands during the match.

Valanora Times
Well Played Young Lad

Well, what a way to start off your campaign as manager of the best team in the world, with three challenging friendlies in the span of fourteen days. First was the matchup with Kura-Pelland in Raynor City's Battleground, next would be a clash with Ad'ihan at the Hatire Memorial in Capri, and followed by the big one of Starblaydia at Artani in Mar Sara,. As mentioned in the previous issue, all three are in the upper echelon of the footballing community, with Starblaydia being the best of the bunch. Not only did Kuu do the unthinkable and get victories in all three of the fixtures, he did so without ever looking like his side was ever going to lose. His sides, which were all different, were soo dominant in their efforts that many were wondering loudly why the most was not made before Qualifiers began, a legitimate complaint considering how the Marauders fared last tournament. Above it all, I think we might find a new starting eleven come next week's fixture away to Forn Parts, particularly a new strike partnership, as Fresco once again proved magnificent when given his chance.

Against the Kura-Pellandi, the side got to work early, with va Drake netting a goal from the edge of the area after a nice give and go with Underdark, who was starting in place of Totez. Razov and Fresco would both add a goal shortly after the break, with the side coasting to a comfortable three to nil win. Three days later out on the island, the Vanorians would be taking on one of their own with the Devida Cal lead Ad'ihan. The first half was a tense and physical contest, with numerous fouls being handed out for each side. The second half was a completely different story as the opposition would begin to show their fatigue after two matches of their own, and Soldarian would put on a showcase of individual talent in the 56th to open the scoring. With the first goal in, the flood gates swung open and Hawk would double the lead on a free kick from thirty-five yards out four minutes later. Zadora would close out the scoring in the 71st when he out jumped Richard Flahavan on a corner and sent a looping header past Danny Evans, to seal another three to nil victory.

As good as those two victories were, it would be all for naught if they didn't show up for the Starblaydia match. This was the premier match around the world, the most glamorous of all friendlies that could be. It seems only the Purple Peril have the gall to challenge the Marauders to friendlies these days, with all other of these matches having to be sought out by the VFA. To say that the two have something of a rivalry is to give the understatement of the century as the hold the last five World Cups, and seven of the 44, roughly one in six. There is the destruction that Starblaydia was handed in World Cup 39, when the Marauders thrashed them 7-1 in the Quarterfinals, giving them their worst loss ever. The Marauders would then win their first of three titles in a Starblaydia hosted tournament, throwing salt into the wound of the Purple Peril. They would not take kindly to it, as they would shock the side in the following semi-final, with a host of EPL based players leading the way. While the Marauders would go on and be one of only a handful of nations to win back to back titles the next two years, the Starblaydi were plotting their revenge, once again upending the Marauders in the semi-final stage last tournament on their way to a record tying fourth championship.

Whatever you want to call this match, you can not call it a friendly any longer, as each side is looking to show up the other and lay its' stake to not only the best footballing country now, but of all time. For the Marauders it was a starting line up of: Rivana; Hocn, Minyatur, Amandil; va Drake, Soldarian, Underdark, Ories; Hawk; Fresco, Razov. For the visitors it would be the typical starting eleven for the Purple Peril, looking to send a message of their own. For Kuu, this would be the defining moment of his young managerial career at the helm of the Marauders, easily showing as he had already lost his coat by the fifteenth minute. In the thirty-first minute, the Starblaydia back line would commit its' first mistake, and Fresco would pounce at the opportunity. Hindenburg had tried to play it back to the keeper but had not put enough weight on the pass and Fresco would skip in and steal the ball, rounding the keeper, and calmly dished it into an open net. Valrauncion, in his arrogance, tried to navigate his way through the Vanorian backline by himself. He had nearly succeeded when he ran into the wall named Minyatur who calmly and effortlessly stole the ball off his foot and shoved down the striker in one fluid motion. Maybe it was a bruised ego, maybe it was a bruised shin, but the smug striker had to come off, replaced by Oscar.

The second half became a game of cat and mouse for the Marauders, as they would invite the Starblaydi attack in, before Soldarian or Underdark would funnel the attackers into Hocn and Minyatur. The centerbacks would easily dispossess their foes and then send out to the flanks where va Drake and Ricardinho would relentlessly attack the wingers and fullbacks. It was on an counterattack like this in the sixty-fourth minute that va Drake would find his flanking partner on a wonderful side switching crossing. The Petardos S/A man took it down and spun past his marker and brought the ball onto his strong foot before sending in a low shot to the far corner that Taniquentar didn't see until it was to late to make the save. The capacity crowd inside Artani began singing the praises of Kuu with chants of "He was yours, now he's ours. To the stars, Kuu Kuu Kuu!". The game would finish two nil, and the Marauders walked away the comfortable and deserved winners, with whatever psychological edge for the time being. Moreover, they had proved that they are still the best team in the nation, and are hungry to get back on track in Qualifying. I would be afraid if I was the managers of any of the other sides inside the group, as the eyes of the dragon have been made open, and he is starving.

Article by Aryaond Felbrinial

Purple Knights Set To Face Albundia

After a great two week Mid Qualifying break off it is time to continue World Cup 45 qualifying. As they opened up versus the young team from Albundia, tommorrow the Knights will again take on the soccering lads from that interesting country. In the first game the Knights beat up the Albundian team, but lightning doesn't strike twice... well it doesn't strike twice that often so the Knights will have to continue their defensive strangelhold and continue there offesnive push led by young striker Brain Ying Uing. 7 more games and seven more teams stand between the Knights and qualification so look to see some heads turned.

In a suprsiging move yesterday the seven lesser Islands of Taeshan Quarant Xa'virt, Chinquin, Qassimodo, Dake, Norhammer, Yelgin, and Petrinshier Whie have decided to withdraw from the Taeshani Union to form a new Capitalizt state of deep tropical islands. This withdrawal comes unexpected because it seemed after long debate that the Capitalizt might come back into the assembly last week. But the 7 islands led by the former leaders of the country have decided to at least politically withdraw from the country. No word yet on this episodes effect on out sport.

Blue Tornado Set For The McLaughin Islands

Two weeks ago marked the close of the first half of World Cup 45's qualifying campiagn. Just 15 days later tommorrow will mark the beginning of part 2 of the Campiang. The Tornado again open it up playing the young team from the Mclaughin Islands. The Glaughies are a young country of interbreeding historical family members. That hasn't caused any deformities so at least we know nothing is worng with them. Really this game is just a tune up to get ready for Qazox again.

WORLD CUP 37 - GLOBO MULTIMEDIA'S ARCHIVE
Quarterfinal of World Cup 37

"Ball held by Zwangzug in the defensive midfield, currently with Eddie Barnes, now with a good pass to Andrew Card. I am Reginaldo do Vale, speaking for the Panrádio radio broadcast, now the only source of World Cup games during World Cup thirty-seven, as Globo Multimedia's satellite simply fell from the sky and hasn't been fixed yet! In the field, the situation seems quite difficult for Cafundéu, as we are approaching the end of the first half and Zwangzug has the complete domination of the ball possession, not allowing the Monopolists to get better, looking to repeat the result of the last cup, when they eliminated us. For Cafundéu's hopes of getting into the semifinals of the World Cup, Zwangzug is an obstacle, and the team's situation is now sad as the clown, with the opponents being able to predict most of our moves and attack with ferocity. First half ends, and let's hear Eddie Barnes, from Zwangzug:"

REPORTER - "How do you see Zwangzug's performance in this first half?"

BARNES - "Perfect. We were expecting a very difficult game today and, although some of you may think it isn't being, it is. Our strategy is exactly to stop their creative players, like Neto and Rato, to reach Heitor and Flecha in the attack. It is working, that's why you may think we are dominating, but the truth is that one slip can cost us the victory."

REPORTER - "Wow, thanks for so much information. But don't you think Zwangzug is simply outclassing Cafundéu?"

BARNES - "This feeling happens because we are with the ball possession, but we haven't created many chances too. The ones watching this game on the television may think that we're holding a secretive ball..."

REPORTER - "What about Cafundéu? Won't someone invite them to this "football ball"? They're just a weaker team, after all."

BARNES - "I don't like to say a team is weaker or stronger. As far as I know, we don't even have the advantage yet."

REPORTER - "Thanks, Eddie."

"Second half is past its middle, and the situation in the first half continues, with Zwangzug controlling the ball possession willing to stop the creative attacks of Cafundéu from happening. Now they have the lead, winning the game by a single goal, and the Monopolists need desperately to react. The coach Franz Braddock orders his players to mark tightly, trying to take the ball at all costs, but without violence: "Please trip them gently, they don't like to fall!" Cafundéu gets the ball, tries an attack... missed! The team's clearly in a critical condition, as the minutes passes and Zwangzug is able to control the positive result for team, which sends them to the Semifinals of this World Cup."

"Now with just two minutes left for the end of the game, the situation seems pretty hopeless for the Monopolists. There's still a possibility of a draw, of course, as the game is only one to zero at the moment, but the game's situation make us think this won't happen. The team's very disorganized now, players confused in the field. Some players are marching together and some on their own, quite alone. Others are running, the tired ones walk, but some sit in silence... as they are in the bench, after all. And the referee whistles the end of the game, and Cafundéu is eliminated in the Quarterfinals again, by Zwangzug again, and now all we have to do is to wait for the next cup, again, as ever. Coach Franz Braddock is giving an interview:"

REPORTER - "Braddock, Braddock, are you really frustrated with the result of today's game?"

BRADDOCK - "What kind of stupid question is this? Are you a child? Of course I am, we wanted this victory!"

REPORTER - "Another time Zwangzug eliminates us... can they be considered a rival country of the Monopolists right now?"

BRADDOCK - "No, rivalry we have with Estresse Intenso... losing against the same team twice is something that happens, there's no room for anger."

REPORTER - "Will you continue in the job of coach of Cafundéu?"

BRADDOCK - "If they allow me to, I will... although this isn't something that happens often with our National Team... happened only with me, once."

Half Time Round Up



With the qualifiers now at the halfway stage it seems a good time to have a little peek at the groups . . .

Let’s start off suitably with Group 1 and The Autocracy’s own minor nightmare. It was always going to be tough starting again from the bottom but for those in the nation that remember the Hyppos as a top thirty side a return of 4 points from a potential 21 is hard to bare. Somewhat surprisingly it’s Rennidan that lead the way from top seeds Yafor 2 and Lovisa. The top three look like they’ve comfortably settled at the top, leaving the likes of West Zirconia, Myedvedeya, Liventia and rank outsiders Mordavia praying for a slip up.

Group 2 on the other hand is wide open with five sides battling for the three world cup places. Recent slip-ups around them have allowed The Han Empire to find a bit of breathing space at the top of the pile but plucky Greal are hard on their heels with both Cassadaigua and a dangerous Taeshan side just a point further back. Candelaria And Marquez have loaded the gun and are taking careful aim at their own foot after a shock defeat to Mo Land 3 who join fellow BoF participants Achtervolging in the lower reaches. Poor old Albundania are showing remarkable consistency, losing every game so far.

Over in Group 3 one of only two teams with maximum points is lording it at the top of the table. Shockingly it’s actually the horse botherers of Milchama with the 100% record, proof positive that it’s a funny old game. Talking of funny, nutty Prux sit in second with both teams looking very good for qualification. Below them Akbarabad, Arroza and Septentrionia are locked in a battle royal for third place. And with plenty of points to play for Rymeria could still be in with a shout too. For Govindia and Ierissos it’s all about avoiding the wooden spoon.

In Group 4 sit Valanora so top spot was decided with the group draw, although a ‘near’ perfect record was not quite good enough to keep their coach in a job. Secristan should be good enough to hold onto second place although Jeru FC might have something to say about that. Little Logria are still holding their own, a point ahead of the kebab lovers of Koseli Cumhuriyetler. Experienced Jasi'yun could be timing a late run but San Castello and Forn Parts are probably not.

Talking of experience, the old boys are showing how it’s done in Group 5 with Vephrall well out in front and The Archregimancy in second. But the mighty monks can’t shrug off the advances of The Bostopian Empire who are level on points in third. But they have the chance to go medieval on those imperial upstarts when the two meet on the final matchday. Urna Eletrônica look like the only real bet to steal third place but underachievers Newmanistan are good enough to string together a good run of results and take it to the wire. Draistania and Panuul will have to wait until next time. Kemball Island should probably stick to rugby.

You could throw a rather small blanket over the top four in Group 6. Qazox have clawed their way to the top but three points back lurk the dangerous Bears Armed and equally dangerous Kosovoe, with the equally, equally dangerous Dancougar just a point further behind them. Three will be celebrating while one nation will be left hurting bad. Old stagers The Macabees are all but out of the running while for Bushdome and the Invisible Wabbit’s the world cup proper will be something that happens to other people. The McLaughlin’s, bless ’um, have struggled just to got off the mark.

Group 7 caught the imagination right from the draw with 47 time champions of Atlantian Oceania and current world big cheese Starblaydia up against world cup doyens The Holy Empire and ultimate nearly-men, not to mention eternal Starblaydi rivals, Krytenia. Naturally the Purple Peril have swept all before them but Frosty the Caveman and co are showing great tenacity and aren’t going to be left behind without an almighty fight. Watch out for the champs visit to the Dreamed Realm on matchday 13. Unlucky for who, we shall see. If they can get over their recent mauve mullering the Kryties will beat Green Wombat to the third and final qualification place. Dariusville will finish as the best of the rest ahead of Garlano and Allemenschen. Legendar are, in the nicest way, utterly pointless.

Cafundéu and Sorthern Northland are almost neck and neck in the heady heights of Group 8. Again matchday 13 is the one for the calendar. Yafalonia and Bazor 2 look well placed for any slip ups but in turn have to look over their shoulders where Terreiro de Ogum lurk with intent. Former world numero uno Sarzonia look to have left themselves with too much to do while Greston, a struggling Quintessence of Dust and Noásahi play for pride alone.

It’s another four horse race in Group 9 but sadly for one four into three doesn’t go. Veterans Bazalonia lead the rest but top seeds Bostopia, stadium builders extraordinaire Kura-Pelland and talented Peisandros are all breathing down the Bazalope’s collective necks. Baptism of Fire champions Edward City are sinking after an impressive start and, along with Colbourne, need something of a miracle. Meanwhile Lurikastan and Mantwenic battle to avoid bottom spot.

And in Group 10the Heartland’s Ad’ihan and world cup regulars Jeruselem are hogging the top two places. Kelssek are a ways back in third and, in the group’s only real bit of drama, are struggling to hold off both Nethertopia and The Blouman Empire from the last qualification spot. Lecland are all but out of it while Wing Wang Woo and Patetopia seem just happy to be involved.

(Avoiding ad, sorry)















Greali World Cup Qualifying Schedule
MD1: Greal VS Daehanjeiguk (2-2)
MD2: Greal VS Candelaria And Marquez (2-3)
MD3: Greal VS Mo Land 3 (4-0)
MD4: Greal VS Achtervolging (1-1)
MD5: Greal VS Cassadaigua (1-0)
MD6: Greal VS Taeshan (3-2)
MD7: Greal VS Albundania (3-1)
MD8: Greal VS Daehanjeiguk
MD9: Greal VS Candelaria And Marquez
MD10: Greal VS Mo Land 3
MD11: Greal VS Achtervolging
MD12: Greal VS Cassadaigua
MD13: Greal VS Taeshan
MD14: Greal VS Albundania


Greal VS Daehanjeiguk Preview

Greal will be playing Daehanjeiguk today. The last time they met ended in a draw. Now, both sides probably want a victory so they can move ahead. Daehanjeiguk only needs a few more wins until qualifying. The Greali desperately want to win today's match so they'll can have a big chance of qualifying. Soccer experts say both sides may draw. It'll be a hard match for both sides fresh from playing other teams. Ross Trent reported to the media that the Greali will do their best to win today's match since there were rumors of rewards coming from the sports board. The Greali Television Service estimates there will be a surge in viewers while weather service reports blue skies today.

In other games....

Cassadaigua will be playing Mo Land 3, who have seemed to recover from their losses for now.

Candelaria And Marquez will be playing Achtervolging.

Taeshan will be playing Albundania.

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"Most of us predicted narrow wins and draws. Jeff is crazy enough to bet on a outright win." chuckled Ross.

"I have my reasons." said Jeff patiently.

"I have my reasons." mimicked Roger, laughing. "Just teasing, It might work, if the Han players had more problems."

"If everyone loses their predicts, we get profit of one million bucks, wow." said Ross, finishing counting the numbers on his paper list.

"Preview is starting after this movie trailer." reported Brian.

"What trailer?" asked Ethan.

"Some movie called Rise of the City."

"Never mind."

"Damn, this trailer is taking too long." remarked Roger

"Anyone want anything to drink?" asked Ethan.

"Beer." said nearly everyone.

"I don't want anything, thanks."

"This better be a good match." said Ross, looking slightly angry.

"How can it when over a billion viewers are watching it?"

"Previews are starting guys." interrupted Brian.

Dave Wilson fidgets in his chair as he waits for the video feed to go live on the flat screen monitor sitting to the side of his desk.

The technician stood to watch, making sure the video feed worked according to plan. Dave Wilson was never completely comfortable with computers, so the tech was there just in case the octogenarian former Stars coach needed his help.

Finally, the image of a World Cup official from Vephrall appeared on the screen, looking expectantly at Wilson, who cleared his throat.

"The Incorporated Football Federation hereby casts its vote for the presidency of the World Cup Committee," Wilson said. He noticed the Vephrali official prepare to tabulate the vote and look up.

"Yes?"

"The IFF votes in favour of [CLASSIFIED] to return to the presidency. Should he decline his nomination, our second choice would be for [CLASSIFIED]."

The Vephrali official noted the vote, then thanked Wilson.

"Thank you."

[OOC: That was the TG I sent Vephrall with my vote.]

Matchday 8 results (http://www.forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14592257&postcount=11) are now up.

The crowd told the story.

At the beginning of Sarzonia's home fixture against Yafalonia and Bazor 2, only 62,733 supporters hit the turnstiles at Bryan Marshall Memorial Stadium in Woodstock. Large swaths of empty seats dotted the landscape in the stands and only polite applause rained down on the Stars players at pre-match introductions.

For forward Matt Lynch, the empty seats mocked the team's struggles in the first half of qualifying. The empty chairs were an incrimination of the team's listless 2-1-4 record at the halfway point of qualifying and the team's 4-0 drubbing away to Starblaydia. Their silence spoke louder than even the loudest boos that cascaded down during Sarzonia's goalless draw against Greston. Lynch's countenance, normally sporting a wide, easy smile with his impish eyes supporting his friendly demeanor now darkened with ... anger? Determination.

Lynch wanted to show the supporters who came in the unseasonably warm 16 degrees Celcius morning the Stars still had fight left. More importantly, he wanted to show the 26,187 supporters who didn't bother that they were making a mistake.

After scoring both Sarzonia goals, including a 42nd minute penalty kick that all but scorched the back of the net and a 68th minute free kick that teasingly floated over the goalkeeper's head, Lynch had his rejoinder. And, more important for the soon drunk forward jamming out on Guitar Hero, his Stars had a vital 2-0 victory.

No, the win didn't suddenly vault Sarzonia into qualifying position with six matches remaining. The Stars are still four points behind third placed Terreiro de Ogum and three behind fourth place Yafalonia and Bazor 2. And if the Stars and Yafalonia and Bazor 2 finish level in points, the confused identities would move on, not the former world champions.

Sarzonia still had much work to do: Its home fixture against No. 21 Sorthern Northland, which rests one point behind Cafundéu for first place with 19 points to Cafundéu's 20, could very well damage the side's hopes of rallying to qualify. Sarzonia also learned from its draw at home to Greston not to take the footballing newcomers lightly ahead of their fixture against World Cup XLIV finalist Cafundéu.

But at least on this night, the music spat forth by Lynch's guitar at least sounded as sweet as the team's victory. And for the first time since he agreed to serve as the Sarzonian national team manager, Brian Wilson joined the fun, hunting for Aerosmith's "Dream On" on Guitar Hero. For Wilson, who had almost given up on his dream of seeing Sarzonia through to a World Cup trophy as manager, the message behind the song was clear: "Dream until your dream comes true."

It was an odd morning in Meice, Vephrall. Odd and alarming. What appeared to be a tank was parachuting down toward the ground, which was odd, and what made it alarming is that it appeared to be Bostopian.

“Aren't you a bit old for this, Field Marshal?” Trooper Higgins, the gunner asked.

“Ach hae's naeer tae auld man!” Trooper Jeffreys butted in, speaking the same language, yet not quite the same language as the others.

“Precisely! Now, how long til we land?” The Field Marshal enquired, sticking his head out of the hatch and looking up at the parachute canopy their tank was dangling from.

Trooper Reane, often short on words, looked at the displays. “Not long, sir,” he stated rather accurately, as a whoosh was heard immediately afterwards, signifying that the landing bags had deployed successfully, filling with air.

Three hundred feet and one small bounce later (small to the extent that it only wiped out one 'mailbox'), the tank came to rest in a small park in the centre of the city.

“We've landed.” Reane said, folding away the display equipment and setting up the GPS, tapping in the address of the headquarters of the governing body of football in Vephrall. Moments later, Jeffreys had the tank roaring toward the building.

Upon arrival, the ageing Field Marshal climbed out of the tank, and headed toward the building, telegram in hand from the Football Association informing the Vephrese football authorities who the FA had voted for in the World Cup Committee Presidential Elections. He handed the properly-addressed, stamped and enveloped note to the scared (there was a tank parked outside, after all) yet significantly attractive girl behind the desk, who then became confused as to why a stamp would be put on a hand-delivered envelope.

As the Field Marshal returned to the where the tank once stood, he noted that it was rather devoid of anything Bostopian. Having waited a few moments, he heard a few shouts, and swore he thought he saw a rather tall fellow of about 16 foot tall – “he was possibly on stilts?” – collapse about a block or two away. Rather unsurprisingly, the roar of a tank was then heard – a Bostopian tank at that – and the tank previously occupying the space infront of where the Field Marshal now stood returned, though this time with a statue on top of it.

However, it didn't stop, and merely slowed down to a few miles per hour, with Denfeld managing to get a hand on the tank, and, rather sprightly for a man of his age, vaulted up onto it. The previously quiet Reane stuck his head out of the tank, and seeing that Denfeld was safely on board, shouted back down into the crew compartment to his colleagues.

“JIMMY DO ONE, BRUV!”

And with that, the tank speeded off toward the port on the south side of town.

West Zirconian Football Association
Cochrane House
31-35 Liverpool Street
Moorcroft MT3 3AP

My dear Keith,

So we're half-way through the campaign, and I may say how pleased I am about your last two results. To hold Dancougar to a 0-0 draw is one thing, to follow it up with the same score against Kosovoe is another.

My only concern is the team's attacking ability. Mark's offside count is still rather high - 24 times he was caught out in the Dancougar game. Martin goes too far in the other direction - he plays far too deep to be of use even to Mark.

Still, this shouldn't be allowed to detract from the good results you've recently had - especially against those "pubes" from Kosovoe. That will teach them to treat you with such disrespect.

Sincerely, Damon.

P.S. A "pube" is simply something that Kosovoe people call each other for want of a better word to describe them. That's all we need to know.

"What do you mean, run out of money?!?!?" Narin Valandar was furious. He stared furiously. He walked furiously. He even TALKED furiously. OHMIGOD! TALKING FURIOUSLY! SOMETHING MUST HAVE BEEN *caps lock off* wrong! Indeed. It was.

"What do you mean run out of money? How could we have run out of money?" Grabbing his giant spiney-fish, Narin Valandar ran out of the room, sobbing, leaving the person from the Department of Unusual Occurances and Plot Device Accounting just standing there. What the DoUOaPDA representative wanted to say was that Bob Trevgovsken and his feelings had been right. Duapida had figured out that FAIL was out of money. They had supported Miso Kite's venture "International Rescue" too much.

"But that will ruin us! And Yafalonia! [and Bazor 2!] [and...And Island...] Just look at this chart of what the economies of both countries will soon look like:" A random Doupida person ran in with the chart:

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_H2DePAZe2gA/SGQT_oxEMXI/AAAAAAAAC40/EVaxOqgDB0U/s400/1929crashandbeyond.png

"Wait, never mind, that's the picture of the Dow Jones Industrial Average. Sorry."

"Anyway, we'll all die! I mean, look at all the money in sports!"

Narin Valandar looked out of the window. On one end was a rich gridiron player. On another, a loaded tiddly-winks commentator. On another, a school was being converted into a baseball diamond. On another, a giant boat was being turned into a giant bowling alley. Worst of all, next to Valandar's window tramped a large number of well-built Aussie Rules Football players. "I wonder how all of these metaphorical constructs used to indicate the obscene levels of sport in this country all came in front of this one window." the ever-perceptive Narin wondered.

The absolute worst thing was that they were about to lose all of their money! Actually, as Narin thought about it, that wasn't actually the worst thing. The WORST thing was that International Rescue was about to run out of money! How could it be! Miso Kite and his world-renowned rescue agency were Yafalonian and Bazorite staples! They were the essence of Yafalonia and Bazor 2!

"Quick, cancel the national team flight. They'll have to fly in that run-down WWI aircraft. Except for Miso, of course. He'll fly in his shiny private jet that he just bought even though news of the recession had already filtered in. Moreover, this is not an allusion to the current financial crisis and that thing about CEOs and private jets. No sir. We don't do that here."

Narin looked worried. Or as worried as a Yafalonian could look.

Seconds later he wandered away, singing giddily.

The Meice Journal
All the news that fits, we print!
Vol. 176, No. 206 - 8 September 1768

VIIVRYL STATUE GONE!
Downtown landmark disappears amid strange circumstances

http://www.prism.gatech.edu/~gth681k/ns/vephrall/downtown_meice.png

An empty pedestal stands at the corner of Spostrat and Fenstus.

This pedestal, until very recently, was the home of the famous statue of Diindohtis Viivryl, the Entruuga tribesman who founded the city of Myza where Meice now stands almost 1800 years ago.

Eyewitness reports recount a rather bizarre spectacle. A tank of unknown origin was seen to parachute out of the sky, landing in Triangle Park near the corner of Fenstus and 4er*. The tank then proceeded northwest through the park for about five blocks, stopping at 9er Steller just across the street from Vephraller Foutbiller Restritris headquarters. At this point, one man was seen to leave the tank and proceed into the building. In the meantime, the tank travelled back in the direction from which it had come, finally stopping in front of the statue of Viivryl. Several men rushed out of the tank and successfully brought the five-meter statue down and placed it atop the tank. The tank returned to VFR headquarters to pick up its other passenger before rolling southwest down 9er to the municipal port on the south coast. The statue was loaded onto a nondescript freighter that had been in port for several weeks, according to dock workers present, and the freighter then departed for an unknown destination.

Investigators are said to be absolutely baffled. Anyone with information regarding the brazen (and bronzed) morning heist are instructed to call MPD headquarters at (101) 894-2500.

* This probably isn't that hard to figure out, but "4er Steller" is merely Vephra for "4th Street". Streets are one of several things in Vephrall that are still typically named in Vephra rather than English.

Purple Knights Defeat Albundia

Last night the Knights took a trip across the great pond and somehow arrived in a land known only as Albundia. There they were escorted to a previously unknown place to play a soccer game against the Albundias team. For the second time this season the Knights eventually would win the game late 1-0. It was a shockingly close game one full of great defense on both teams parts.

The game was a long drawn out period of defensive Soccer. Niether team wanted to lose early on and thus they never used much of any sort of attack. In fact the Knights had the ball in their offensive half of the field only a quater of the first half the rest playing a slow defensive style of passaround. The only score would come late in the game when the Knights put forth an all out attack and Brian Ying Uing would score the winning goal in th 88th witch was followed by some more great Defense that would win the game.

World Cup 45 Qualification - Group 2
PRQ: 1-3@ Newmanistan [32] (@ Putnam Lake Stadium, Putnam Lake - ???)
MD1: 2-2 @ Greal [43] (@ who knows where?)
MD2: 1-0 @ Taeshan [31] (@ %$#^)
MD3: 2-0 @ Albundania [UNK] (@ here?)
MD4: 2-3@ Cassadaigua [50] (@ pink!)
MD5: 2-1 vs Candelaria And Marquez [15] (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong - 150,000)
MD6: 1-0 @ Mo Land 3 [141] (@ gemme moland!)
MD7: 4-1 vs Achtervolging [98] (@ Dynasty Imperial Football Stadium, Namgyeong - 51,000)
MQ: @ Booblybobbers
MD8: 2-0 vs Greal [43] (@ Goguryeo Football Stadium, Pyeongyang - 52,000)
MD9: vs Taeshan [31] (@ Sanhaemun Football Stadium, Cheonjin - 60,000)
MD10: vs Albundania [UNK] (@ Silk Road Stadium, Seoan - 56,000)
MD11: vs Cassadaigua [50] (@ Munhwa Football Stadium, Hanseong - 65,000)
MD12: @ Candelaria And Marquez [15] (@ somewhere good :P)
MD13: vs Mo Land 3 [141] (@ Potala, Lasa - 34,000)
MD14: @ Achtervolging [98] (@ ah-choo!)
PTQ: ???

*** Spring Palace, Hangyeong ***

The Emperor donned his black garments once more as his mother - now a more prevalent figure in the Imperial Court - tried to woo his attention back to the matters of the state. "Don't worry about the rituals of grievances," she said. "Modern times require a different mentality. The state needs your full attention."

"I'm doing what has been the custom only for thousands of years, mother," Yeongmu replied. "If I start to abandon the traditions in favor of what is more practical, I start to lose what my forebears had kept."

"You do your father more honor by continuing his work," the Dowager Empress replied. "When his father died, he did not linger long over the death. He continued to hold public grievance, but behind closed doors, he managed to continue his father's works. Of course in time, you were lucky in that he abdicated before he died. You know, he told me that he hoped that no Emperor would ever again need to take the throne from the dead hands of his father. That's why he abdicated. Four years..." She sighed a mournful sigh. "But he was just your father. When a son buries his father, he buries him in the ground."

"Or in the sea," the Emperor replied.

"Or in the sea," the Empress replied. "Location should not matter. But when you bury him, it should end there. Honor his memory, honor his works; but you cannot be so rigid. Kongja (Confucius) said that the rigid man was unlearned. Learning must temper one's actions."

"I am learned," the Emperor replied. He rested his hands upon his mother's shoulders in a gentle and consoling manner. "I will do fine. Mourning will not consume my life, as you would imagine it to be. Like my father, I do have my public appearances to maintain."

The Empress still remained a bit wary. "I hope as much. I surrendered my husband to Heaven. I hope that I need not surrender my son."

"You will not," the Emperor said, hugging her. A knock came suddenly at the door. The Empress quickly collected herself and vacated the room before Marquis Yi Jangho came in with the news.

"We've just received confirmation that Seoan will be hosting the next Final of the Globe Cup."

"You interrupted me for that?!?" the Emperor replied.

"Interrupted?" the Marquis said, wondering what he meant by that.

"I'm meditating on the right course of action, and you tell me that we're going to host some football cup! We need to focus our attention on the safety of this Empire and furthermore upon the prosperity of our people."

"Well, I had figured that hosting a cup final would be something worth concern, pyei-ha. The introduction of foreign teams to our ancient and venerable capital may be the perfect opportunity for the Mujeongbu to try to ruin our reputation. They'd already tried it once. Well, many more times, but the most recent one was the most troubling of all..."

"Okay, so I see your point. You're thinking that the Mujeongbu will try another attack so soon?"

"Of course," the Marquis replied. "You know how the Mujeongbu are. They'll try to surprise us. Maybe they'll try another assassination."

"I'll only go to an event like that if a Han team is present. No point otherwise."

"Well, we have some considerable fear that... the Mujeongbu have infiltrated Cafundeu..."

Oh boy...

"How can you make such a baseless accusation?!?" the Emperor roared. "The Cafundelense people are dear friends of the Han! They would never dare to join the ranks of the Mujeongbu!"

"Intentionally..." Marquis Yi added. "Do you remember that bomb attack upon Cafundeu? In Saint George's Square? Apparently there was some political reorganization after the event. Hwarang analysts have been surveying the situation in Cafundeu for quite some time... and well... to be frank, there's absolutely no evidence supporting the presence of a Mujeongbu sleeper agent working within the Cafundelense government. Of course, there's a spying-on-us tax sort of thing that's hard to avoid..."

"So you're suggesting that a Mujeongbu sleeper cell is planning an attack upon the Han Empire by making the Han win the final venue selection for the Globe Cup, as a recourse to attack the Han Empire, in spite of the lack of any supporting evidence to purport your claims? Do you know how silly you sound right now?"

"Well, the Hwarang were tipped off when Seoan managed to win the bid! I mean, who ever picks a Han city to host anything?"

The Emperor was hardly convinced. "World Cup 41?"

"That was a different time. People didn't know any better!"

"I'm not finding any good reason to support your idea that a Mujeongbu attack upon our stadium is eminent, either before, during or after the match."

"Well, I'd just be cautious, because if a Han club actually manages to reach the Final of the Globe Cup, that would be the time to be extremely cautious of their malicious intentions."

The Emperor sighed. "Okay... I'll be sure of it. Please excuse me."

The Marquis left the room, offering the Emperor a moment to reflect on what has happened only recently. He sighed. Can't we have any normal days?

*** Lucky Cricket Bar, Jungan Street, Hangyeong ***

There were few people at the bar, but more than the last time. Enough people that Hansu decided to open up for full business. Surprisingly, it was all filled with college students from the nearby districts watching TV. Not surprisingly, they didn't come to study their texts.

"Ah crappers!" one off them said. "Now those Starblaydii people will think they have a license to do whatever the %$#^ they want..."

"They practically own Seoan these days. They're thinking about changing the city color to purple..."

"Actually, purple was once a revered color in Xian. In fact, Han purple was used by the Roman Emperors for their decorations as the color of luxury..."

"Bah! This is today! Purple looks ugly..."

"I can't believe those people at Globo Media chose that one..."

Kim glanced oddly at the kids sitting in front of the television, wondering what they were talking about.

"Football stuff," Hansu replied. "I wouldn't have a clue what they meant by it all, but I know it's football. Every time they talk about Starblaydia or Seoan, it's about football."

"Seoan, I can get," Kim said. "But why Starblaydia? I thought they were famous for more than just football."

"I didn't even know Starblaydia existed until they started talking about it. To be honest, I think Starblaydia is a nation of football players, that's all they ever do. You wonder how they manage their government with all of those football players... goodness, they'll be playing with their balls and talking about administering some new provincial reform or the addition of a tax code at the same time. And whenever someone talks out of line, they'll get a little flash card and pull them aside. Goodness..." Hansu paused briefly. "I can't imagine living in a country like that. I'll bet their government lives in some stadium where people spend all day playing with that ball, running around like little ants busily doing their routines without a thought. Beautiful sight, but so pointless."

"I certainly hope that Starblaydia isn't like that," Kim then said. "How would they react to invaders, just playing football?"

"Have you ever seen a football match?" Hansu answered. "It's a dangerous place. Goodness... they'd probably be great soldiers with the way that they have to deal with weird people and such. Not to mention, the sliding, the tackling, and the occasional kicking too."

"What about running a business? That will be quite difficult."

"I don't know," Hansu said, scoffing Kim for a bit. "Ask them! They're the ones with that big football country."

Hong felt like interceding in the conversation. "Actually, Starblaydia is well known for more than just their footballing antics. They're a pretty militant force in their region, and at one time, they held hegemonic power over their neighbors. Until some dictator came along and spoiled the whole party."

"They're not militant anymore," Choe said.

"Not really, but did you read up on that news that they absorbed some other country?"

"They were protecting them," Choe said in their defense. "It's not like they commando-dropped an army and conquered them. Like what some people do..." Choe was, of course, referring to the Budan Intervention quite a few years ago.

"Yeah, well, they're a very well-organized society. I'd imagine all that it would take to seriously destroy them would be to drop an EMP on them and knock out their electronics intelligence sector, because without their e-files, they're dead."

"I wouldn't want to wish such bad things upon anyone!" Hansu said. "Especially if the same could be said of us!"

"But we have a tradition," Choe said. "What's lacking in Western nations is a identifiable custom."

"Which you routinely flout!" Chan said, almost angrily.

"We all flout it, occasionally," Yu said, in his defense.

"Don't defend that smoke-ridden airbag! Ever since he's started smoking, he's been a nasty influence upon the people here. And you know what we did with nasty influences? We sent them out into the forest to do our bidding! If they came back, we'd forgive them. If not, then Heaven keep them."

Hansu didn't want to hear any bit of this. "We're not going to argue. The Emperor's already dead, and Choe's already started smoking. Chan, please... let's be charitable?"

"Indeed!" Baek Geumho and his butler arrived suddenly. They were in fact chatting with Son Iljun, whom they had apparently met at the Imperial Assembly, the both of them petitioning for money for their respective prefects. Baek and Son were apparently of good cheer, while Pak was his usual self, whatever that was particularly. "And I said to him, 'It's only a half.' And he said, 'I know. I just cut it!'" Baek started laughing hilariously, while Pak and Son watched him with almost awe-struck confusion (as did everyone else). Baek quickly calmed down, thinking to himself that it was funny. "Well, don't blame me if you can't get the punchline."

As they approached their usual seats, Yu leaned over with the rest of the crew, asking silently, "What punchline?"

Baek and Son had their seats while Pak stood attentively waiting for Baek to call his day a quit. That was likely a good 5 hours.

"Well, I can tell you that that win at Gojong was a great one," Baek said, reflecting on his big pay-out. "It's too bad what happened though. Good thing no one really noticed, or else that would be been more embarrassing than it was."

"What do you mean?" Chan asked, a bit inquisitively.

"You have your own national leader killed in your own capital, and you expect everyone to just think business as usual? You're crazy!" Baek said, clarifying his point. "I mean, the city is draped in black, and I mean, we're all honoring the Emperor's memory with what means we have; but does anyone else need to worry about it? Especially our allies!"

Hong lightly remarked, "What allies?"

Baek continued unaware of the comment. "It's only too good that those crazy Candelarisians didn't say anything about the incident. In fact, I read their papers, saying that they thought that we were celebrating the occasion by throwing out some fireworks. Personally, I'm not sure how they got that all confused. Gunshot versus a firecracker? They sound totally different!"

"I'd give them credit, though," Son said. "They're all in the business of keeping things normal. I mean, look at what they did to those Bears!"

"What do you mean?" Baek asked.

"I read some papers about the last World Cup, and apparently, they tried to dismiss the whole idea of sentient bears walking like humans almost. And they tried to say that humans had grown too much hair. I read somewhere that a local tried to shave a Candelarisian bear and got mauled by the creature."

"I see your point... but anyway, it's always an enlightening scenario when the Candelarisians come to town."

"That was the first time ever," Hong noted. "And we haven't played them for many years. Not since some Cup of Harmony fixture which they won."

"That's a real pity, then," Baek said in response.

"Why?"

"Because they're such good players." They nodded in agreement.

"I can't believe we're talking about football!" Chan said, almost angrily once more. Everyone at the table glanced at him somewhat oddly. The cooks quietly brought out some food for their new guests, whereupon, Baek said nonchalantly, "What else is there to talk about?"

"The Emperor just died!" Chan retorted. "And all you can talk about is football!"

"Speaking of which, the Emperor is supposedly on the look-out for a wife now," Baek said, going on some wild tangent. "I haven't a clue why, but it's probably got something to do with the fact that he's the only male member in the immediate family who's eligible to take the throne. That, and plus his sister is way too young to do anything yet. Speaking of which, how do you fancy my chances of wooing the Emperor's sister?"

"I'd speculate slim to nil, sir," Pak said, courteously. It was, for the moment, the perfect way to end that conversation. Baek continued on nonetheless.

"Well, I'm hoping that he finds a very nice young woman to be his wife. That's what this Empire needs now. A wedding. To put us over the remorse of a funeral." How utterly unethical that would be...

http://i159.photobucket.com/albums/t156/daehanjeiguk/Companies/MBC.png

Confident Win Keeps Han Ahead in Group 2

PYEONGYANG - It's nighttime, and you've got ten thousand drivers on the road hugging your %$#^ ass (or arse, to appease our British brethren). What do you do? Me, I'd slam my brakes on really hard and collect the insurance payments from 10,000 people too %$#^ close to me. But as I don't have that many people chasing my tail, I'll have to resort to using poor analogies to describe just how %$#^ close Group 2 is turning out to be. Yes, the Han won again against Greal (2 goals unanswered by SLANI refs), but that's leaving them just 3 points off of Cassadaigua and Taeshan, both of whom are upcoming matches. A win against both will be a great way to secure qualification, while an uneasy draw or a loss will be sure to put us back a little while.

But one step at a time. Jeong Jihun was rested ahead of the match against Taeshan, in the hopes that he could provide some inspiring form. So that left little Miss Kim Mihyeon and Kim Daeeui at the driving seat. And while they weren't considerably as inspiring as we'd like to them to be against Greal, they both scored goals and managed to keep the Greali defense constantly guessing when and where the Han would attack. And suddenly blue skies faded from anyone's thoughts - especially for Greal as they slipped back into 5th place (after sitting high at 2nd place). Of course, with the closeness in Group 2, you could lose and suddenly find yourself on the bottom of everyone else's shoes in an instant. At least, what little consolation for a loss to the Han, Greal is still some 7 points ahead of their nearest competitor. Some not-so-good consolation for Greal is that they've got 6 more matches to make up the difference. Some not-really-consoling-but-I'm-saying-it-is consolation is the fact that the Han are 5 points separated from the bottom of the top of the curve. Which means it will take more than one loss to anyone before the Han fall completely out of the race. Of course, we'll be hoping that Ioshido Toki doesn't make us fall out of the race so easily.

Of course, I should take the moment to recognize that our referee was not a SLANI. He might have been hired by the SLANI, he might have been the son of the SLANI, he might have been a girl as a SLANI, but whatever happened between SLANI and now, he was not a SLANI. That said, he did make a SLANI call that gave Kim Mihyeon another yellow card in as many games. But considering our luck with refs, we'll take a yellow over a red any day.

Goal Tally
7 - Jeong Jihun
3 - Kim Mihyeon
2 - Baek Jihun, Kim Daeeui
1 - Pak Yongho, Yi Yeongpyo

Blue Tornado Fail To Win

In a suprsing match yesterday the Blue Tornado in what many considered to be there tune up game for the one next week versus Qazox failed to score at all. They also kept the Mcglaughin Islands from scoring so at least when they visited the most incestent place on earth they didn't fail to win the game. The star attackers of the Tornado were kept at bay by some awesome looking blondes in the stands. And to think that could come from interbreeding, but either way this game seems to have taken much from the Tornadoe's and going into the final seven they now need to win as many as possible.

"So that's underway..." Andrew Coulter was calm, collected, peaceful and relaxed, well, that's what he wanted to be as Bazalonia held onto the top of their group after a 4-1 thrashing of Lurikstan, but there was a lot for the BFSA, soon to be BSF President to be worried about. the new logo had yet to be completed. It was a design that could cause alot of issues... and he hadn't seen what has become of it.

Combined with both Bostopia and Kura-Pelland breathing down their neck 2 points back and Peisandros still in with a chance 6 points further behind, Bazalonia's qualification is still in the balance and who knows how long it will be before their spot is secure.

-------------
"This is BazFM, your source for everything Bazalonian, This is... Sports Talk with Timothy Eades."

"Today the World Cup Qualification saw Lurikistan come to Trevton City Enclosed Field, a rough and tumble stadium in a rough and tumble city. Ater an initial shock by a quick shot by the Lurikstani's scoring a goal in the opening minute the Bazalopes hunkered down scoring 2 quick goals in reply before play stagnated for the rest of the half. This stagnation continued until approximately 15 minutes before the end of official time with a third goal, the 4th and final goal being scored with only 5 minutes left crushing their opponents and earning a well deserved rest before their next match at home in the CBBC Dome with Kura-Pelland. I have with me a top sports writer, Graham Healer, author of 'The Holy Grail: On the Modern Sporting Field' Franklin Dover.

"Hey, Tim Listeners."

"Franklin, you're book describes moedern athletes drive to the pinnacle of their sport, What do you see happening inside the Bazaope team today?"

"Well the team had a brush with the ultimate victory a number of world cups ago reaching the final. After which the team fell back to its' current position of number 25th in the world. They'd be eager to reclaim a ranking back in the top ten or at least in the top 20 for a start and want to go all the way and finally win the World cup. the only thing that Bazalonia has yet to do, apart from wining it multiple times and such."

"of course, so what is going through their heads at the moment?"

"The team themselves know just to look at the team just ahead of them, it's the team management that have to prepare the team for the overall qualficiation. So that's saying they're concentrating on dealing with Kura-Pelland their second biggest threat on paper yet equal threat on the score board."

Saint Nash Courier
If you haven't heard it before, It's News to you!
SPORTS
Black Wings break Streak.

It had been just over 20 years since Qazox lost a home qualifier, a 2-1 loss to the Az-cz Gnomes. Since then, 25 teams had come to Qazox and only 5 of them went home with a point. Until today. In Qazox's biggest home game since beating Dancougar, almost 4 years ago to the day, Dancougar avenged their earlier 5-2 beatdown at home to end the streak.

A 87th minute penalty kick from Karen Stadler, after Gene Sharman was given a red card for tackling Stadler in the penalty box. Sharman came in very high and basically kicked Stadler in the head, after Stadler tripped over Luella Escareno. Stadler, despite the concussion, which was found out after the match; scored sending her shot just inside the left upright to break the scoreless tie. Qazox would get one last gasp at the net, but Reginald Gillispie's 15 yard shot just sailed wide in the 3rd minute of injury time, and the final whistle blew not too long after.

This marks the first time Qazox had a shut-out loss at home since a 2-0 loss to Rastafariburg, 32 years ago to the day. It was the first 0-1 loss at home in almost 40 years (Delesa).

The good news? Qazox is still in first and they own the tiebreaker advantage over Dancougar, (+2 GD) in case they tie for the final World Cup spot. But now the attention turns to Kosovoe, and can Qazox avenger their only other loss next week?


Scoring Summary:
Qazox:
NONE

Dancougar:
Karen Stadler: 87' (PK)

Jeruselem Government News

Jeruselem World Cup couples

Jeruselem is infamous for it's badly behaved females but also known for it's inter-team romances. In most teams, this is not encouraged but in Jeruselem most people don't care.

1) Dazza Dallas and Finn Fumbles

Our own Bike married an unassuming Jeruselem reserve keeper. Out of the four kids, only two are actually Finn's - the other two aren't. We have no idea why one would marry the Bike but we guess someone has to. Queen Katherine Alexandra Dallas and Princess Marie-Antointette Dallas have continued Dazza's legacy on the fields of the World Cup.

2) Scarlett Ferris and Sark Kozy

Both are actually from a place we now call "Pistachio nut" land or the place formerly known as Oliverry. At the time, Ferris was a player and Kozy was the team coach. The couple eventually retired to run a farm owned by Dallases and they bough the farm later. They have one daughter, Oksana "Pups" Ferris who is in the current team.

3) Ryan Greenly and "Medusa" Dallas

Princess Marie likes Qazians and she's got kids to one. The World Cup coach for Qazox, Jeru FC and now Jeruselem have given two recent kids to Marie. Marie spent some time in Qazox with her mother Dazza when Dazza was ambassador to Qazox.

4) Flak Sho and "Jewbee" Dallas

Continuing the Dallas thing with foreigners - Princess Jacinta Sasha Dallas and former Ariddian Flak Sho are another. Although, Dazza is actually an Ariddian citizen - so the Ariddian link is not weird one. While Jewbee didn't play in the World Cup, she's worked in Jeruselem FA offices. Jewbee is only Jewish because her mother slept with a Jewish Jeru FC player who ironically married her clone Dazza Deux.

5) Harry Kool and Rachel Goldstein

The now-deceased ex-Jeruselem midfielder and coach married the daughter of reporter Anna Goldstein. This produced cyclist Rachel Kool and striker Kara Kool. We expect more for the Kools in the future.

6) Hikfie "Dopey" Dallas and Peter Jeffers

Bostopia keeper and the original Dopey Dallas who live in Bostopia now. Both aren't known for their intelligence but the kids they've created seem smart as a normal Dallas. Hikfie is still wheelchair bound after a car accident.

7) Rashina Dallas and Rocky Pointy Stick

Jeruselem defender Rashina Dallas who died in army incident married midfielder Rocky Pointy Stick who's actually Nedalian because his father Ricky was. Ricky fathered Kate Dallas as well. Rocky is still in football as a coach and has not remarried.

8) Dr Sally Dallas and Hose Tunk

The Jeruselem team doctor and son of former World Cup player Abrams Tunk. Hose Tunk played as midfielder in the World Cup and met Sally via the World Cup.

9) Kate Sallad and Jay Licken

The other side of Dallas family - the Sallads. Kate Sallad married current Jeruselem striker Jay Licken who's a bit of a playboy. The couple have two kids. Kate Sallad retire recently to work for Naked News Jeruselem.

Dancougar News!! Road Report
So this line is supposed to be small. Goooootcha.

Whoa, the B button bolds the headline! I'm totally getting the hang of this thing. All those guys who left are going to come back here and be all, wow, Rob, you totally rocked the Dancougar News!! You know what... we're promoting you from intern. That's going to be so sweet. I can make Tim get my coffee and junk.

Oh, Tim's saying I'm supposed to tell you guys what happened in the football game yesterday. He says these articles are supposed to have facts or something. But right, the game. You know, the one where I said we were all gonna die if we didn't score any away goals? You guys did it! Your chickens got through! And we beat Qazox 1-0 after Karen Stadler put together a most epic conclusion.

So I was watching the game, right, and there was an awful lot of running around and passing the ball to each other and not a whole lot of shooting the ball at the goalie. It was the kind of game you need a beer or six to really get into. But then Stadler came on for one of those loser defenders. And that made the whole game worth it, man.

There were like three minutes left when she pulled off the most intense sequence of bad-assery I've ever seen in a football game. She throws herself at a pass, right, so she can blast it in and be the hero. She trips over some dude in the box and the ref was going to be all like, get up, but then this other dude blasts her in the head! I'm like, what the hell are you doing with your studs that high up, dude? And he's all like, this is legit and junk and she fell into me.

She could barely stand straight but she goes to Dylandy and says, dude, I'm taking this thing. And she puts it in. She has a concussion and she puts this thing top shelf. Tim says I squealed like a cheerleader for like fifteen minutes, but whatever, dudes. It's a win, and it's the fox with the goal! SHE'S MINE, DUDES.

Hellispont Times-Herald
Still within Striking Distance....

The wombats kept pace with the group leaders with a 3-1 win over Legendar. Nathan Amun wishes the rest of the schedule was against Legendar, as he scored twice (26th and 74th minutes); and assisted on Natalie Durbin's 45th minute goal.

But back to reality for a bit as the Wombats host Starblaydia next week. The Purple ones are a perfect 8-0-0, but the Wombats did lose only 1-0 to them in Starblaydia. This will be the first chance at the top three in the second half of qualifying. A win here, and ther Wombats have a better chance to qualify.

MEMORANDUM


TO: Football Association
The Han Empire
FROM: Dave Wilson
Chairman, Incorporated Football Federation
SUBJECT: Friendly match

First of all, let me extend my congratulations for your team's performance thus far in World Cup XLV qualifying. Your nation and its national side are among the role models for our own team's efforts toward re-emerging as a footballing nation. We belatedly congratulate your Under 21 side on its impressive performance in the eighth Di Bradini Cup and believe your team's journey to the final reflects an impressive pedigree.

Toward that end, we would like to invite The Han Empire to play a friendly match at the new Iron Bowl in Portland, Somerset. As you may have heard from other sources, the new Iron Bowl was recently built by the Kura-Pellandi firm ShinyPlaces and is a gleaming facility befitting our nation's financial capital. Among the highlights of the stadium are its easy access to the Portland subway and light rail systems and its proximity to the Portland Iron Works, our military contractor.

The facility seats 46,220 for football. We await your reply and look forward to future meetings on the field of play.

1:"What happened?"
2:"Dunno."
1:"Oh. Okay."
2:"What did you think happened?"

1:"Thought there was a football game."
2:"Nah. Nah none of that."
1:"Sweet..."
2:"Who told you that?"

1:"I thought I heard something on the news earlier."
2:"Fine. Yeah we played Bostopia."
1:"Who are they? How did we go?"
2:"A top five team and we got smashed."

1:"Oh, that sucks."
2:"You don't even like football though?"
1:"It's still interesting."
2:"Sure."


Full Schedule.
Pre Friendlies
vs Bears Armed @ National Sports Arena, Olympia. 2-1.
Qualifying Stage One.
vs Bostopia @ National Sports Arena, Olympia. 0-1
vs Colbourne @ People of Ephesum Stadium, Ephesum. 1-0
vs Bazalonia @ Peisandros Bowl, Delphi. 1-0
at Edward City. 4-2
vs Lurikastan @ People of Ephesum Stadium, Ephesum. 2-2
at Kura-Pelland. 0-1
vs Mantwenic @ National Sports Arena, Olympia. 2-0.
Mid Friendlies
vs Jeruselem @ National Sports Arena, Olympia. 0-3
at Ad'ihan. 0-1
Qualifying Stage Two.
at Bostopia. 1-4
at Colbourne.
at Bazalonia.
vs Edward City @ People of Ephesum Stadium, Ephesum.
at Lurikastan.
vs Kura-Pelland @ National Sports Arena, Olympia.
at Mantwenic.
Post Friendlies
vs Myedvedeya (Unsure where).
at Krytenia.
at Taeshan.

“Move it, McAllister!” coach Yaschter screamed, “Carlson, you were a half second late with that pass. 20 laps around the field.”

“Oh come on! I’m sorry the pass was off, but 20 laps?” Brett campaigned.

“A pass that’s a half second late in the offensive end ruins a rush, gets intercepted by the defense and cleared. 20 laps, now! We must pay attention to details here!” the coach answered. It was the team’s first practice for a qualifying game, and the new coach was being sure to assert himself right away. Things were going to be different for the team. Brian Carson was more of a player’s coach. Yaschter was going to be paying more attention to these small little details. After the practice, Yaschter addressed the team:

“The session was good I suppose. We must be precise with our passes and our positioning. It’s those plays that are slightly off that is the difference between Newmanistan and Cafundeu. You guys, and gals are great football players but to be excellent there is no margain for the slightest of errors.”

After a pause for the players to think about those words, Yaschter was ready to make his big announcement. The players feared this might be coming and now it would be time. The lineup change. The previous lineup was Brian Carson’s lineup, not Nelson Yaschter’s lineup.

“After much deliberation, here is our starting lineup for the match against Panuul. If all goes well, it will remain a starting lineup. Kusler, I do believe you are the leading goalkeeper here. You will remain the starter, however do note that Corey Hennis is close on the radar. Brooker and Lampert, you two will maintain your positions. I’ve seen you two enough to know what you are capable of, but don’t think that just because of my familiarity with both of you in Cafundeu will mean that you are locked in to these spots. Shawn Loughran, you are one hell of a player, kid. Why you aren’t playing 90 minutes a game, I don’t know, but you will be now. LaFave, you’re good. Sometimes you seem a little distracted. I am going to be working with you closer. You will start but I think you can become a better player. You’re how old, again?”

“28, coach.” LaFave answered.

“You should be at your best right now. Do you want to be a great player or an elite player, Scott?”

“Elite, sir.”

“Good, you have some more talent in you that hasn’t been tapped out of you yet. I think you may have settled in, happy with what you have done, and stopped trying to learn. Are you ready to learn more, Scott?”

“Yes, sir!”

“Good. Foley and Selvy are the defensive substitutions. Johnston, you’re going to be switched to a reserve role. Ok, now the midfield. As you can tell by my practice, I am doing away with the 4-3-3 crap. (the players look at each other, they thought that might be coming but now it was official). Carrigan and Prescott will remain on the wings. Billy, do you want to be like your dad?”

“Yes but I would like to be own player too, coach.”

“Who’s that girl that’s hanging up in your locker?”

“Oksana Ferris of Jeruselem, coach.”

“Ferris, yes. Billy, I like your attitude and I loved your answer to my first question. I’m familiar with your dad because he played in Cafundeu for a long time. He was a game changer. He always paid attention to details and I see that with you. Do you think you’re ready for a bigger role, Billy?”

“Sure!”

“Good. I don’t care if the media guide tells me you’re only 18. I’m opening you up more on the offense. McAllister needs people to free up more space for him now then maybe he did four or five years ago. You will do that, I know you can. (Billy nodded, and seemed excited about this). Ok, center midfielders. This is where Newmanistan is lacking. Parnett, I just don’t think you are consistent enough for this. I will be demoting you to substitute. (Parnett sighs). Stevens, welcome back to the starting lineup, as a defensive midfielder.”

“Thanks coach.”

“Now, the problem with this roster is the lack of a consistent, attacking center midfielder. Taylor?”

“Yes, coach?”

“Those drills I had you doing had a reason. This is your spot now.”

“Wow, coach. Thanks.”

“You have been severely underused by the prior coach that was here. This second leg of qualifying, you are getting a chance that you have never had before. Are you ready for it?”

“Definitely coach!”

“Good! Parnett and Rocco are the midfield subs. Now, we are going from three to two forwards, so one of you starters is naturally out. Carlson?”

“What?”

“I’m not sure that you and McAllister have enough chemistry with one another, which is ridiculous because you two should have plenty by now. You hold on to the ball too long and sometimes make poor reads. You have good potential though to be a late game substitution, which is what you will now be.”

“C’mon coach!”

“Well it’s either that or a reserve. McAllister will continue to start. Jennifer Vilardi, I like parts of your game and you seem to have better chemistry with Jeremy, so you will start beside him. Carlson and Shannon Vilardi will be substitutes. That is, unless Carlson would rather be a reserve?”

“Fine substitute it is.”

“Very well. You all better perform well against Panuul…..”

Prux@WC45.com
Adverts luck out with own Goal

An own goal by Ierissos' defender #10 in teh 65th minute proved to be the only goal of the game as Prux wins its team record 5th game in a row. The game was almost called off twice, once due to a malfunctioning sprinkler head that popped up at the midfield just before the 2nd half kickoff, and the 2nd almost-stoppage came after Jolly GG tripped over the bench and almost landed on the referee.

But other that that, Prux' first game at Griffin stadium was a crapfest as niether side could do much offensively. Hopefully that will change in two weeks as Milchama comes to town in what is shaping up as a showdown for the group lead.

Prux World Cup 45 Qualifying Schedule:

(all Home Matches to be played the hopefully completed Griffin Stadium in Pawtucket, Prux, Capacity 67,500, Pics not available at this time.)
@ Ierissos D 1-1
vs. Rymeria W 5-3
@ Milchama L 1-2
vs. Govindia W 6-1
@ Akbarabad W 2-0
vs. Septentrionia W 4-3
@ Arroza W 2-0
vs. Ierissos W 1-0
@ Rymeria (somewhere in Space, probably)
vs. Milchama
@ Govindia
vs. Akbarabad
@ Septentrionia
vs. Arroza
(RECORD 4-1-1)


Meet a Pruxian (Part 5 of an 11-part Series)

Yasmin Te'dabo, Quahog
Pic: http://tbn2.google.com/images?q=tbn:XBcCQj3vHY9_NM:http://graphics8.nytimes.com/images/blogs/olympics/janet190.jpg
Age: 30+
Sex: Female
Occupation: Stripper

3 Questions with Yasmin Te'dabo:

Q1: So, Yasmin, where do you work at?

A: The Clam's Head Gentlemen's Club in Pawtucket.

Q2: Ever see anyone famous come in, that you can tell us about?

A: Once, John Griswold, (ed note: A former Head Coach of the ESPN High School Basketball team) came into the club and tipped every girl there m300.00! (ed note2: m=meg, Prux' currency whcih is currently trading at 1.345 megs per US$.)
(John Griswold pic at a local basketball tourney: )
http://image.cdnl3.xosnetwork.com/pics24/100/LG/LGQOTAAUTROTNYN.20090305183939.jpg

Q3: So how much to rent you for one night?

A: You silly. That's illegal, but if it were legal, I'd charge you 100m!.


(ooc: No, the pics aren't supposed to be the same, or else the joke wouldn't work. A happy point for the reasoning behind the 2 pics I am using for each posting... and yes this running gag will last as long as I last in the World Cup or someone determines the reason (please no guesses until after MD10! And yes they are getting harder! )

Akbarabad win comfortably away.

(Akbarabad Press, AP): The Akbarabad national team stayed in third place in their group with a 3-0 away victory over Govindia. Despite a scorless first half, the result was never in doubt and a flurry of early second half goals settled the issue. The team's next match is at home to Septentrionia, whom the Tiger eaters had beaten 2-1 away earlier. However, on no condition can Akbarabad take the higher ranked team lightly, as they have just beaten group leaders and previuosly unbeaten Milchama, while the tiger eaters have shown an odd fragility at home with defeats to Prux and Arroza.

On Naked News Jeruselem ...

Kate: Hello! I'm Kate Sallad for Naked News Jeruselem. The news with nothing to hide. I'm talking to the coach of Jeru FC, the good count.
Count: Nice to talk to you Kate.
Kate: Just pretend I've got clothes on.
Count: It's OK, I'm a single man.

Kate: Do you feel that Jeru FC doesn't get enough attention from the Jeruselem media?
Count: No no, I like it as it is.
Kate: Do you feel you're getting the best players for your team?
Count: The best players we have are either in the Jeruselem team or in the special forces. We just the rejects who aren't any use to anyone.

Kate: Is that a put down of your team?
Count: No, the team know how they got here. Jeru FC is always getting rejects from the armed forces.
Kate: They aren't too bad for rejects.
Count: I keep them under control or else they'll just become like Southern Northlanders.

Kate: Jeru FC hanging on to 2nd spot with everyone chasing your tail. It's going to be close.
Count: Yes, unlike Group 10 with clear leaders like the Ad'ihan and the Princesses ... 2nd and 3rd aren't separated from the rest by very much.
Kate: Is Jeru FC in danger?
Count: Oh yes, I mean we are less than a win away from Secristan who we beat today.

Kate: Ideally, you'd like to win the next 6 games with 18 points but what's realistic?
Count: Well, I think if we could say grab 5 wins. We only have four from eight games.
Kate: Does not having superstars in your team hinder?
Count: It's team effort and the team wins or loses or draws together.

Kate: But not having an inspired leader like Marie?
Count: The current Captain does a great job but yes I think we need an inspired effort by all the team.
Kate: You seem to spend a lot of time with that Kaye girl.
Count: Well, the poor girl has so many issues ... I'm like a father. I'm a coach, I'm like a Dad to the team here.

Kate: You must have a lot of work sorting out team issues.
Count: Yes, these kids have lots of personal issues. They need someone to talk to. Some don't have parents and others have useless parents.
Kate: Is the team underpaid?
Count: More like overworked. They get a lot of army work on top of their football.

Kate: Are you scared one of your players will die doing their army work ... like Rashina Dallas.
Count: I heard she was a great military woman who died too young. I think one of players also dropped a grenade on themselves lately.
Kate: Sounds serious. what do think of former Jeru FC captain Sadie Dallas?
Count: She's smartest dumb person I've ever met.

Kate: What do you mean by that?
Count: She walks into doors, forgets to put her pants on, trips over dogs ... and yet is a champion defender when it's football time.
Kate: Yes, she is a bit like that.
Count: We'd like to borrow her back.

Kate: Can your team get through.
Count: Jeru FC is not Jeruselem. We'll be doing the usual last game theatrics again.
Kate: We hope both teams make it.
Count: Well, it's my job. I'm not here for a holiday. People expect us to qualify now.

Kate: Your home team Myedvedeya is doing rather badly.
Count: Oh yes, 3 wins from 8 games ... and 5 losses.
Kate: Any hope left?
Count: I don't think so, unless we take the Elves and change their team strips.

Kate: Which isn't going to happen.
Count: No, but they can cheer for Jeru FC instead.
Kate: I guess that's all they have left to cheer for.
Count: Yes, we don't have a glorious record so far.

STOPPAGE TIME TALLY DOWNS MILLIONAIRES

It was a scoreless draw. Until it wasn’t. Secristan had matched Jeru FC for 90 minutes on their home turf with outstanding defense and goalkeeping, and neither team had anything to show for it. With Secristan looking as if they were playing for the draw once stoppage time began, and a great away draw it would be, the military men put together their best rush of the evening. We were in the second minute of the two allotted minutes, so if a save had been here it figured to have ended the game. Noddy Odisku would beat Michael Rossiter and the crowd went crazy. It was the game winner and a dramatic victory for Jeru FC and a heartbreaking loss for us. With the result, the Millionaires fall into a third place draw with Koseli Cumheriyetler with Jasi’yun threatening to find its way up the table.

With this game behind us, the team focuses on the biggest game of qualifying. The elves in Amherst. This was going to happen previously, until Danielle had other ideas. The massive category three hurricane forced the relocation of the game to Valanora and put aside celebrations and a ceremony to honor our baseball team that reached the final of World Baseball Classic despite a #12 ranking. The Secristan Department of Sports had intended to give each of the baseball players a check prior to that soccer game of 50% off their original bid price, but because months have gone by, the players have received those checks. Many of those players, including Steve Jamison and Manny Rodriguez will be hand to sign autographs before the game. Jamison even had a message for the soccer Millionaires, “Anything is possible when you have wealth. Look at us, we beat the two-time defending champions to get to the final based on a dream of receiving enormous profits in which we were able to achieve. You have spent well and it is a wise investment to play the game that you are good at. There is one big difference about this game now and the one that was slated for matchday two. Now, the Millionaires have a shot at qualifying. This isn’t simply about welcoming the Vanorians on our home turf because if we can get a win over this world power, we will put a lot of pressure on teams like Koseli Cumheriyetler and even Jasi’yun. Purchases of the pay-per-view are through the roof as expected, leaving the SDOS to actually be in a position where they be able to sit back and enjoy the game instead of looking at revenue charts and graphs. Katie Simpson, our SDOS rep says, “A lot of us in the differing governmental branches will be in attendance, and I think you will see a very affluent crowd in attendance. The average bid price per seat is over 250 rusas right now. We’re still excited about seeing Valanora here, but now it’s about getting a point or three which would really help us out.”

What’s this? No Courtney’s Space today?

MEN Interrupt Game with Protest

In an important World Cup qualifying game, Cassadaigua defeated Mo Land 3 in Concord Heights by the score of 3-2. Courtney Ferguson scored a pair of goals for the Dagans, and Stacie Kerrigan broke a 2-all draw in the 85th minute to lead Cassadaigua to the victory. The win puts the team at 5-1-2, tied with Taeshan for second place in Group 2. The top five of the group are really very tight right now and even The Han Empire can’t feel completely safe yet. It was an important victory, however it was spoiled about 10 minutes into the game. MEN, otherwise known as Male Equality Now decided to take their protest onto the field. The Men’s Rights activists were permitted to protest outside the stadium, as well in a designated area on the concourse, but that was supposed to be it! After Mo Land 3 scored the first goal of the match in the 11th minute and were celebrating, approximately 50 men stormed onto the field chanting and carrying signs condemning the Cassadagan soccer team for not having any males on the team, something that has been a trend on all of our teams with the exception of the World Bowl where some big guys were put on the offensive line. Due to the amount of them, it took stadium security quite a while before they could clear the area as they did not exactly go peacefully or quietly. The men were all arrested and later released on bail. They will face trespassing charges at the very least. Marybeth Tackman, sherriff for the Concord Heights Police Department is aware the arrests will only create more tension with MEN but realizes that such acts cannot go unpunished. “We have allowed MEN to protest and they were told where they could protest. They violated that and now they will have to deal with consequences.”

Phillip I. Grant, the president of MEN was not one who ran on the field, but he applauded his followers for their actions, “We have made a statement here today. Many civil rights activists have been arrested numerous times, it’s a small price that needs to be paid. I am proud of all the guys for running out onto the field during the match while everyone could see them. Men in Cassadaigua have suffered enough. We demand equal pay for equal work, we demand to be seen as something more then a reproductive tool! We are people dammit! If Cassadaigua wants to become a modern nation then it is time to end this terrible discrimination. Look at our soccer team, we have men who could be doing this just as well as the women. Many teams have both genders and more are men only. While we are not requiring a male only team, it shows that men can play soccer as well as women! And the other sports too!” There were no further incidents with MEN after the arrests. Midfielder Meghan Burns sums up the players view, “Interrupting a World Cup game is not the way to do it. All of us on the team support equal rights for men and I think if a man was good enough to be on the team, then he would be!”

UG-UG'S DIARY

An Imperial Neolithic Odyssey

Team play Garl-place at home last night.

Team crush Garl-place.

Garl-place team the most soft and most weak team we play so far.

We score five in first half of first half!

Pug-Ug and Dug-Ug and Bug-Ug and Wug-Ug and - oh yes - Ug-Ug all score.

Team then have nice nap.

Ug-Ug like to have nice naps in match - it let Ug-Ug rest.

Is just that we not want to beat soft weak men who not kick rocks too much that we let in late own-goal of shame.

Whole match is what coach two calls 'big yawn fest', though coach one says we must score lots of goals in case we can still catch coach two's home on points.

Phew!

What a lot of words Ug-Ug just write!

There was strange thing in match last night.

Garl-place team wear shirts with lots of stripes.

Coach one say this called 'plaid'.

Garl-place team have man called 'Chad'.

Chad was bad, and was shown red card for kick on Tug-Ug.

This red card first made Chad mad - and then he was all sad.

Is Ug-Ug glad plaid-clad mad bad Chad's sad?

Ug-Ug not sure.

But Ug-Ug is glad that team win game!

http://img134.imageshack.us/img134/7993/dailyturkjo0.png
Koseli Cumhuriyetler 4–1 San Castello
Defensive Shame!
4-1 looks good on paper right? Wrong! look at the team we were playing I mean how could we conceede. Many have written to me saying I've been overly critical of the team, that's because I expect the best.

The Turks started poorly as the San Castellans got the first goal after 13 seconds lobbing Orhan. It took the Turks until half time to settle the fans, Erdrem shooting from long range beating the outstretched keeper.

The Second half was much more energetic on the part of the Turks who came out with intent. This showed when Gokhan beat the defense twice to settle everyones nerves and it was a first goal in a while for Oktay to round of a good attacking performance.

Sinan Gets Married
The man himself has finally married someone, the small ceremony consisted of, obviously his pregnant bride: Gözde Berna. Friends from his previous club Sultanli FK came to the ceremony, such as retired Sabri Gunes and best man Serkan Turkmen.

Sinan, 36 said "Marriage is like selling you soul to the devil... only you really do serve forever and it's more painfully long." Clearly joking, or so many around the country hope, brother Orhan is engaged with Ex-Model and Singer, Goksel Aysun.

The New Cleethorpes Enquirer
Dixon defends defeat

Coach Jeremy Dixon was insistent that last night's 4-0 drubbing the national football team suffered at the hands of Sorthern Northland nonetheless represented "a big step forwards" in terms of performance. "No one was sent off, and we came really close to scoring, almost twice, in fact," he said, speaking after his team were, to the eyes of everyone else, totally outplayed by the Sortherners. While many in the sporting world fear that Quintessence of Dust's disastrous qualifying form puts Dixon's job in jeopardy, several senior Congresspeople are already purportedly moving forward with job offers in their media relations departments should he be removed as head coach.

Beginning after a moment's silence in a mark of respect for a Sorthern squad member killed in an act of fowl play, the game was exactly what the struggling Quodites didn't need, as they sank to two goals apiece from strikers Ham Hyi-san and Jon Andrews, who both scored in either half. What Dixon charitably called a "chance to score" in fact came when Roger Longhorn, substituted off after another goalless stretch on the field, half-heartedly poked a long range effort well wide of the goal.

The match already represented the worst performance yet of QBS programming versus FTV's Strictly Come Ironing, with a 19-point share win for the commercial station as Assistant Energy Secretary Björk Kjartansdóttir put in another hugely impressive performance to destroy fellow Liberal official, Treasury Deputy Secretary Rose Mortensen, with an excellent 122.8 points for ironing three blouses and a skirt while abseiling down the Morning Face sheer. Mortensen picked up a creditable 114 ironing eight pairs of socks in the middle of the Frozen Lake, but struggled home in a poor time after losing her map at the hands of a bemused penguin.

The remaining semi-final pits footballer Dino Achten, currently out on suspension anyway, against designer Kimberley Klein from the prestigious KK House of Fashion.

As the sun set over the beautiful blue and gold horizon, Tempest Malthinda turned her eyes towards the Heavens. The sky was painted a majestic navy with the stars twinkling here and there, masking the obvious chaos swirling around the world and likely the Heavens as well. Tempest was one of the older elves, she had been a second generation, born over 19,000 years ago, when Elune's message was still as clear as crystal. She had personally watched as the various priests and priestess composed the Books of Elune, the foundation of the faith. All that seemed thousands of lives ago for the elderly elf, but it still remained fresh inside her mind, ever more over the past few months since Elune's silence. She had become somewhat of a hermit over the last century, tired of the secular ways, and wanted to just live in peace. She knew however that whatever peace was to be hers was now in jeopardy with Elune's silence, for she knew all to well how dependent the populace had become on their goddess. She had already had to expel a group fanatics trying to perform an animal sacrifice on her lands. That was all the evidence she needed to choose this path, to return back to the secular world, but it pained her to leave her humble home here, even for but a few days or weeks. It was almost as her and the land were intertwined together, and both ached when Tempest left on her occasional incursions into the rest of country for supplies.

She reached out with her hand and drew out the symbol of Elune in the the stars, smiling at the thought of the Goddess continually looking down over her and the country. It was comforting even in the silence to know that the good goddess was still up there, protecting her flock like a sheppard. Honestly, she felt that in her mysterious ways, Elune was making them better for this continued silence, that whatever perils they would have now, the rewards they would reap in the long run would be worth it. That was the way it was with Elune, always vigilant and protecting, but always looking for ways to better her people. Elune's methods were sometimes called into question, but she had never failed her people in the long run, even during the Tides. With a resolute sigh, she picked up her bag of goods and supplies and turned east. It was a two day walk to Raynor City, and who knew what kind of people she would run into along the road now. It was a risk she was having to take, for not only her safety, but for the overall good the the entire country and race. This sojourn could no longer be avoided, and with the first step of her right foot, she began the journey in hope that her audience would be held and her words heeded.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Captain's Log ~ November 5th, 20,015 A.E.

Today me and the team returned from a very odd place called Forn Parts. The populace all seemed to be teetering on the edge of insanity, and then their football team was the worst of them all. I'll be pleased if we never have to set another foot in that dreadful place or see any members of that FA ever again. For awhile, I feared for my life and the lives of the rest of the squad they were that insane in their day to day activities. Regardless, we were still able to defeat them handedly in the match, a five to two whitewashing that saw me get a brace. Despite the victory, Kuu was none all too happy with our defending following the match, and tore into Titenburg about his lazy marking. I'm not sure what to make of the new manager, as he is calm to the press and public, but completely demonstrative when it is just us players in the locker room. He seems tactically sophisticated and competent in his approach to the match, but I do not like the two faced way he is going about things. How can you reach that internal peace if you are constantly changing who you are depending upon your surroundings? I suspect that there are some deep and dark troubles brewing inside him, just waiting to burst at the seams. I will not press the issue however, I am not his therapist, I am merely a footballer who does as he is told by his manager.

I hear from my associates in Char Sara that there are rumblings coming from within the High Priestess temple. Just two days ago, they swear they heard something resembling a growl of a dragon coming from within the structure. Obviously this can not be the case with the dragon clans living more in the north east parts of the country, and the structure itself is far to small and narrow for anything but a hatchling to fit in. If it was a hatchling, then it would be physically impossible for it to create such a growl, unless fitted with a magnifying device, of which I am sure they would be ample protest. This intrigues me for no other reason that I wonder what goes on behind those closed doors that they do not tell us. The Priesthood holds all the secrets to the faith in that Temple, yet you can only gain entrance into it if you are part of a patrician house, or to join the clergy. Perhaps it is not the common people that have become tainted and corrupted, but the Priesthood and the Temple?

~ Laborious Hawk

In the team’s first match with Nelson Yaschter as head coach, this was going to be different. Assistant coach Michael McCafferty agreed to mic’d up for the game, and here are some tidbits we picked up from the sidelines from the new coach.

(Pre-Game):

“All that practice meant something. It’s a new start for all of you, and for the country. Go out there and be proud to represent Newmanistan but at the same time if you choke up the three points I may have to make more drastic measures. (Team huddles and does a Go Rockets!)

McCafferty: “Coach, let’s not make them too uptight already.”

Yaschter: “Bullshit, you were here when they lost to Kemball Island. It’s what they need.”

(3rd minute):
“Dammit Vilardi, make a better read!”

McCafferty: “Not entirely her fault, that defender completely played the offsides trap on her.”

Yaschter: “No shit, that’s my point. She needs to read that.”

(9th minute):
“There we go! Yes! Nice shot McAllister! Taylor, nice pass. Billy great work. Let’s keep this up. Keep the pressure on! But these guys away now!”

McCafferty: “J-Mac is usually always money from there. Kevin Taylor looked good there, this might be a good move.”

Yaschter: “It will be for a while. Taylor should be money for a few games because he’s a 26-year old finally getting this chance, once the freshness of that wears off is when we’ll see when he is made of. The kid’s got potential though.”

(14th minute):

“Nice! (Expletive) yes! See Billy, you can keep doing that, that’s just what I was talking about in practice.”

McCafferty: “Where was this kind of start in the first leg. They are really looking good right now.”

Yaschter: “It’s nothing. Panuul is completely thrown off by us using a 4-4-2. Newmanistan has played the damn 4-3-3 ever since they started trying to qualify for so it’s obviously what Panuul was preparing for. They were not ready for this. We are killing them on the wings. The Bostopian Empire will be much more prepared for it in Centralia.”

McCafferty: “Billy is looking very good tonight.”

Yaschter: “The kid’s got a lot of heart. Future captain, one day. He watches a girl from Jeruselem a lot too, which is a positive influence.”

McCafferty: “You may be the first coach to say watching Jeruselem is a positive.”

Yaschter: “They’re a good team, that Jeruselem. Billy may be watching for his girlfriend, but unknowingly he is picking up things by watching the team as a whole, and it’s making him progress quicker then most 18 year olds will.”

(28th minute)

“Nice stop Kusler. Nice work Loughran, but the rest of you let’s go here! Game’s not over yet! Back on the offense now!”

McCafferty: “It was the first shot we allowed on target.”

Yaschter: “One too many.”

(34th minute)

“Red! Red! Red! (Ref displays a yellow to a Panuul player) Oh come on you idiot, that was an obvious red card! What is your (expletive) problem! (He goes on and on)”

Referee: “You chill out, now!”

Yaschter: “Where’s this referee from?”

McCafferty: “Rennidan.”

Yaschter: “No wonder. Rennidan always disrespecting Newmanistan.”

McCafferty: “You’re up on your World Bowl facts already?”

Yaschter: “I’m trying to adapt to the culture, yes! Very weird game, that gridiron.”

(44th minute)

“GOOOOOOOOALLLLL!!!!!”

McCafferty: “Number two for J-Mac!”

Yaschter: “Nice to see practice paying off. That corner went just the way we’ve drawn it up. Big score going into halftime. Yessss!!!”

SECOND HALF

(48th minute)

“Come on! We haven’t won anything yet, that’s three shots you’ve allowed in the first three minutes here. Great work Kusler, but let’s get moving out there. Three goals leads can be overcome!”

McCafferty: “LaFave seemed lost, that’s what you were talking about. One of those phases in a game where he just seems confused.”

Yaschter: “Exactly, Laffy has got to stop doing that.”

(57th minute)

“Nice tackle, Billy! Way to rough him up! Dad would be proud!”

McCafferty: “And no card or even a foul. Vintage Brett Prescott. That was definitely a yellow if the ref saw it.”

Yaschter: “His dad was the best I ever saw in his time with A.F.F. at that, and I’ve seen a lot of good ones. He has a lot of confidence right now, key for a player his age.”

(61st minute)

“Number four! Great shot, Jenn!”

McCafferty: “They still aren’t used to the 4-4-2.”

Yaschter: “Well, Panuul’s not that great anyway. Four-nil is sweet. The little kick in the ass is working out. This is how they should always be playing.”

McCafferty: “Going to start putting in some subs?”

Yaschter: “Taylor’s going to play all 90. He’s looking sharp. Might as well let McAllister try and get the hat trick. Could really be a boost for him to start the second half. Carlson for Carrigan and Foley for LaFave in the 70th, and we’ll see what happens there.”

McCafferty: “Carlson! Foley! Start stretching! No Parnett? He’s got a streak going, you know.”

Yaschter: “Streaks end.”


(74th minute)

“Foley, clear that! Stop being cute!”

Yaschter: “That’s why I benched him.”

McCafferty: “He gets too overconfident sometimes.”

Yaschter: “Alright, put Parnett in for Stevens. Might as well let him continue his streak.”

McCafferty: “Parnett, you’re in.”

(83rd minute)

“GOOOOALLL!!! Number five! That’s what I’m talking about.”

McCafferty: “Great read by Taylor to notice Carlson on the wing.”

Yaschter: “Yes and Carlson made a good read to get there. Probably doesn’t happen if Panuul hadn’t already packed it in for the night. Brett can be a real effective substitute for us going forward if he has his mind into it. I think he will come around.”

(At final whistle)

“Alright well done! Now you all know what you are capable of. Now let’s do this six more times.”

“So… What d’you think?” Martin said cheerfully, giving the room a twirl.

Dave grimaced, frowned, and concentrated. “A distinct improvement on your usual,” he admitted, “Although I’m pretty sure the teddy bear tie would let things down a bit in the eyes of our social betters.”

“Oh…”

“I mean, don’t get me wrong… It’s a nice tie. Can’t fault it, either in design or execution, but I remain uncertain as to whether it can really be considered to be exactly what the situation demands.”

“It’s the only one I’ve got, Dave!”

“Yeah, well… What did you wear to Auntie Edna’s funeral?”

“Eh? Me black dungarees, remember?”

“Oh ar, they’s as luvly,” Dave nodded, before cursing under his breath. This entire deathless conversation had thus far taken ten minutes, both parties desperately trying to push their Green Island dialect out to their linguistic hinterlands and instead adopt a mode of speech more appropriate to being called to meet the new cabinet of the slightly-more-antonymous island. Sharp suits were a must and, while the Queen’s English seemed well beyond them, Martin and Dave were making a decent fist of getting their lips around the vernacular of an extremely minor royal. Possibly the Countess Desiree Schaffgotsch gennant Semperfrie von und zu Kynast und Greiffenstein’s English would do. These people were only Green Island politicians, after all. It wasn’t as though they were proper people.

Finally divested of teddy bear ties and satisfied with their appearance, the pair left the High Office of the People’s Revolutionary Government – a cloakroom near the Parliament Building’s kitchens, but from such small acorns etcetera – and sploshed nervously down the wide corridor that led to the Cabinet Office.

They still wore their wellies, of course, but no sensible visitors to the Prime Minister’s official residence would be without them now. It was a widely known fact that an entire floor of Robinson House over in Albrecht had been rendered useless during the previous Anderson administration, and was still home to semi-feral descendents of Rafaella Anderson’s pet capybara and several infectious diseases; but Zapata’s miniature answer to the capital’s grand state building had gone one stage further since the previous weekend’s Barely Perceptible Revolution, by flooding much of the ground floor.

The master of his new domain, a greylag goose answering to the name of Smokey, watched the pair sourly for a time, before electing to trot after them towards the PM’s shiny new office overlooking Queen’s Street. It made a right mess of the stairs, and glared pointedly at the men until Dave, a wretched expression etched upon his face, bent down and tucked the gander under one arm, daring Martin to pass comment.

“I swear that bloo… that majestic creature gets better treatment than we do,” Martin muttered eventually.

“Don’t bad-mouth the bird,” Dave hissed, granting Smokey a warm smile. “Certainly have the life of riley, don’t you mate? Whole harem o’ females, for a start.”

“Goose, you big stud!” Martin agreed with forced jollity, playfully ruffling the bird’s feathers. “Get in there, eh lad? Still don’t trust them as far as I could bloody throw ‘em…

“You see what one of ‘em did to that poor lad out Northland way?”

“HONK!”

“Yeah alright, alright… Got some yummy breadcrumbs here somewhere, yeh murderous little bastard.”

Martin sighed, bent down to remove a clump of water-weed from his boots, and knocked hesitantly at the Prime Minister’s door.

“Come!”

The sight that met the trio was a little underwhelming, as Smokey wriggled free of Dave’s grasp and waddled over to take his place alongside Prime Minister Mc O’Neil. The pale young man – he was at least in his fifties, of course, but it was impossible to think of him as such – sat with his hands clasped as if in prayer, and ears sat proudly on either side of the head which, while undeniably the proper and correct place for ears, remained unusual for a pair quite so disconcertingly pointy. An equally thin, though rather less well-turned out, man sat several chairs down. Otherwise, the office was empty.

“You’re late,” Mc O’Neil commented evenly.

“Um. Yes. Sorry. The unanticipated stretch of indoor marshland slowed our progress a winkle. So. Er.”

“Where’re all yer ministers?” Dave asked, a little more forthrightly. Goose crap was congealing in his right armpit, and the ears were making him nervous.

“Gentlemen,” the Prime Minister sighed, “Please do take a seat. Times have moved apace. Difficult decisions have been called for. In the final reckoning, I have determined that our fellow members of the glorious revolution were not quite as willing as yourselves to devote themselves fully to our cause. Some did not respond quite as well as the three of you to my little firesides chats, re: the Nature of the Universe Beyond this Ridiculous Country. Some, as I recall, ran out into the night screaming Thiscan’tbehappeningthiscan’tbehappeningthiscan’tbehappening. Others felt that the Plans, of which I will shortly elucidate, were perhaps a little too… intense, for their liking. Our number has dwindled somewhat, that I cannot deny, but the wheat has undoubtedly been sorted from the chaff.

“To clarify, gentlemen… You shall be the new cabinet of Green Island. And ours shall be a most difficult undertaking. We live in knotty times, do we not? But I have promised to repay the faith shown in me by our dear President Morton. Green Island shall be faithful to Albrecht yet independent to the last, and it is we, the six of us here today, who shall shape the most glorious chapter in its history!”

Dave smiled weakly. “Er… Six of us?”

“You yourself shall be named our Foreign Minister, David. As well as taking up the offices of Rural Development, Tourism, Food and Fisheries.”

“Oh… Gosh.”

“Mr Davies,” Mc O’Neil continued, nodding towards Martin, “Shall take the Home Affairs brief, along with Transportation. Mr Mazurkiewicz here,” he added, this time smiling broadly at the odd little stranger, “Shall be the Minister for Finance, Economic Planning and Health.”

“Oh. Erm…”

“Mr Smokey,” Mc O’Neil ploughed on with an affectionate glance towards the goose, “Will be our Deputy Prime Minister, and take the rolls of Defence, Education, Local Government, Justice, Communication, and Women and Children’s Affairs. And if you look to our left, you’ll notice our taciturn sixth member of our bold new administration…”

Dave and Martin – and the goose, though this was probably coincidental – looked over to a slumped figure in the opposite corner, bound and gagged and also, more pertinently, really rather dead. Its head was still attached, which was a small mercy, but – to take an example of its predicament quite at random – tackling a facial itch would now be a nightmare. His arms were just visible via the index figures poking out from the top of an adjacent freezer bag. It had cartoon penguins on it. Martin gagged.

Dave stared thoughtfully. “Um. Is… was that Prime Minister Lawrence?”

“Quite so,” Mc O’Neil beamed, “Well spotted. You can have Ports, Harbours and Railways for that. Yes, I decided that a national unity government was important at this juncture, to show that there’s no hard feelings and such forth. Mr Lawrence, having formally stepped aside as Prime Minsiter, has kindly agreed to take the role as Minister Without Portfolio for the foreseeable future, and shall be an irreplaceable member of our team.”

“I’m… sure he’ll come in handy,” the Secretary of State for Foreign Affairs, Rural Development, Tourism, Food, Fisheries, Ports, Harbours and Railways agreed weakly.

“Absolutely. Shall we get down to business, then? I wo–”

“If I might interject momentarily, Prime Minister?”

“Naturally, Mr Mazurkiewicz.”

“The Vanorian embassy has requested that we update them as to Green Island’s governmental situation.”

“Do so. Full and proper openness shall be our watchwords. Equally, David, perhaps you could be so good as to pass on our condolences to the Imperial House or… whatever, of the Han Empire?”

“Er… why?”

“Because someone has to. We in Green Island feel their pain, do we not, vis-à-vis the former Emperor?”

“I’m certainly pained, sir. I’ll see to it, then. Er…”

“Mm-hm?”

“Would you like us to start, then? Y’know, telling the people an’ that. Maybe set up a Truth & Reconciliation Commission, or summat, to disseminate information out to the people, an’ that.”

Mc O’Neil frowned.

“Eh?”

“Y’know… About yer ears, an’ that.” Dave swallowed, slipping into a quiet, magical little voice used by so many Candelariasians to retain some kind of artificial grip on reality. “And everything such as that as which you told us about t’other week. Elves an’ bears… And dwarves and robots and zombies and monksfromanalternatereality and aliens and such forth. Free us from the ignorance imposed for decades by Candelaria. Er…”

“No, David. No, I don’t think that that’s going to be on the agenda, just yet. Let’s not run before we can walk, hm?”

“Well no, but… I thought…”

“Please don’t. We have other, more pressing, goals at this point. Our economic competitiveness, for one thing. Our physical and emotional well-being. We have a vast trade surplus, and our unemployment statistics are becoming most concerning. And the answer to Green Island’s difficulties? Gentleman and gander? It is to be found here.”

At this, Mc O’Neil sprang to his feet, grabbing a remote control from his desk and switching on the vast screen behind them.

Computer-generated images burst into life. Dave and Martin sat transfixed as the camera panned over the Green Island of the future.

“And that’s… That’s possible?”

“It is the only way, my friends. It is our salvation.”

“But… So… No elves? Or, or bears, or hedgehogs or anything?”

“No aliens?”

“No spiritual awakening?”

“Such things can wait, gentlemen. For now, more earthly concerns shall lead us to the promised land. As ever in these isles, my friends, it is football that shall prove our deliverance!”

He waited, tapping his foot slightly, and glanced back and forth between the two new ministers and Smokey. The goose shrugged. This was not having the desired affect. Why were David Martyn and Martin Davies not jumping for joy? Was this not the most beautiful thing they had ever seen in their dirty, sheltered, rural little lives?

Mc O’Neil sighed. Perhaps that would be for another day. They were only human, after all. Only Candelariasian ones, at that. It would take them time.

He stopped the video with a resigned click, mundane television pictures replacing his own glorious vision. He paid the screen no further heed, but… still they sat, Dave and Martin, staring at the television. Mc O’Neil turned, despite himself.

Harvey Vavasour was sweeping into the box, the New Sausages crowd rising to their feet in expectation of a third C&M goal. Oh, as wins go, it hadn’t been all that pretty. Achtervolging were stubborn bastards, but when the goals had finally come they arrived in torrent form; Niv Cohen smashing in the opener and delivering a corner from which Enrique Silva de Aviz had headed home, all within ninety seconds. Vavasour missed, old Jesse van den Ouden clearing, but Abdul Ibadulla got on the rebound and poked home.

Dave and Martin gave a little cheer. Mc O’Neil gaped at them.

“But… That isn’t even your country! And they’re so small! We have the future in our grasp and you care about them?”

“Shh,” Dave muttered, transfixed. “The fourth goal’s a doozy. Baart Plet actually hits that gurt great video cube, and it falls to Kortsarian, and he’s an Allemali lad, o’course, and he proper belts it past Nelisse. Fantastic vision.”

“Doesn’t that count as a godmod?” Mc O’Neil wondered, but the pair were blank to his voice as Plet hit the video cube and the ball fell to Kortsarian. The Cafundó do Juta player shot, and scored. And still Dave and Martin cheered. Even little Mr Mazurkiewicz seemed pleased. As though it mattered, even now.

The Prime Minister shook his head and turned back to the gander. “They’re all mad,” he sighed, “All utterly insane. Every last one of them.”

The goose laid its head on Mc O’Neil’s lap in sympathy, and gave the half-elf Prime Minister of Green Island a sad honk.

The CCFM respect ads so much that it was decided that they would have a post only for them!

WORLD CUP 38 - GLOBO MULTIMEDIA'S ARCHIVE
Round of Sixteen of World Cup 38

"And it seems that Cafundéu's campaign in Worrrrrld Cup thirrrrrty-eight is going to end today, as the team is sufferrrrring a severrrrre loss to Az-cz by the rrrrresult of four to one. Although Az-cz are the currrrrent worrrrrld champions, the Cafundelense supporrrrrrterrrrrs had high expectations for this game, as the Monopolists finished in the firrrrrrrst place of their grrrrrrroup with a perrrrrrrfect rrrrrecorrrrrd, including a sensational victory over worrrrrrld dominatorrrrrrrs Arrrrriddia. Jorrrrrrge Shockey now passes the ball to Fe-Do, Az-cz contrrrrrolling the possession, waiting for the game to end. And the rrrrrroad is coming to its end, with Cafundéu being eliminated in a Worrrrrld Cup in which the supporrrrrterrrrrs werrrrre hopeful of good rrrrresults... can Cafundéu have a rrrrrreal good perrrrrrforrrrrmance in the Worrrrrld Cup? We must believe in this. We can forrrrrrrce you to believe. And want to believe. And the game ends, with Az-cz winning. The coach Frrrrrranz Brrrrrraddock is rrrrrreally frrrrrustrrrrrated, and so is also the captain Anorrrrrrmal."

"Yes, Breno, thanks for commenting this game for us, although its end was sad for all the Cafundelenses. The coach Franz Braddock is going to participate in a press conference here, but it seems that he'll talk about his disappointment with the National Team in this World Cup and also about his problems with the CCFM, which reportedly tried to interfere in his work with the team, asking the coach to include some players which he didn't want to. Before the conference, some words of Braddock showed this frustration, as he said: "I braved their cause to guide for little pay. For those whose promises streched in hope and grace for me... our project was to transform Cafundéu in a winning team, but it seems that it had to be "their" winning team." So, the whole country and, why not say, the whole world is expecting for the words of the coach Franz Braddock in this press conference. One thing is for sure: he will resign today, it is impossible for him to stay in this situation. And look, here is he coming, let's try to reach him... I'm dribbling the other journalists, nearly suffered a foul, but was able to reach him!"

BRADDOCK - Hello. I bet you are expecting to hear my resignation from the National Team..."

REPORTER - "Why? Will you not resign?"

BRADDOCK - "I've already resigned. But I won't make a speech about this."

REPORTER - "But tell us, how it was to coach Cafundéu again for two cups after so much time?"

BRADDOCK - "Disappointing, to say the least. The organization of the Cafundelense team and of the CCFM is completely different from the old times. Now football is too much commercial for my taste, I liked the times when players played football for pride, to represent well their team, now it is all about money and personal success."

REPORTER - "But do you feel that Cafundéu's current talent is better than it was before?"

BRADDOCK - "I don't see how. We still have two players from our first World Cup, and I'd prefer to have a Ganz Ijak and a Júlio Vargas in my team, for example. Now Cafundéu is a more respected country, better in the rankings, but I don't see too much difference."

REPORTER - "So it's basically the same thing?"

BRADDOCK - "No. So much has gone and little is new. All the qualities that made Cafundéu a remarkable team, like the will to fight and the love for the National Team left, and now the players seem to be playing to appear on the television, making those beautiful but unnecessary plays..."

REPORTER - "And what about your confusions with the CCFM?"

BRADDOCK - "Yes, we didn't work well together this time. I tried to make the team better. If something went right, they'll claim that it was thanks to them. But what of me? Who praised their efforts in the trainings? Words of strength and care and sympathy. I gave them life, I gave them all... they drained my very soul..."

REPORTER - "What about this end of the World Cup for us? Surely this loss against Az-cz was a frustrating result."

BRADDOCK - "Az-cz are the current champions. This is just to show how stupid you sometimes are. You try to find something to blame the coach. We defeated Ariddia and lost to the current champions. In my opinion, this was a good campaign. I did wonders for this team. I opened doors that would have blocked their way."

REPORTER - "What will you do now?"

BRADDOCK - "I'm tired of the critics. Because of you I need to rest. I'm retiring from football now."

BLIND MAGICIAN - "It was hard work, but finally we are among the top three of the group."

ÍRIS - "Yes, we finally left Yafalonia and Bazor two behind us! Now we just have to mantain this position to qualify!"

PINGUINHA - "And to save our team! Don't forget that there is more than just a World Cup qualification, it is the maintenance of our National Team is the international scene!"

PAI BERTO - "Yes, but it won't be easy to stay in the third place. Our next opponent is Cafundéu. And we can't forget also that Cafundéu is their biggest rival."

BLIND MAGICIAN - "Yes, but we must focus more in going after the qualification than in defeating them."

(A ball floats in the room, rolls over Blind Magician's notes that were over a table)

BLIND MAGICIAN - "It's that supernatural ball! A spy, get it!"

(Everyone tries to take the ball, but fail. The ball leaves)

DONA ROSA - "All it did was to roll over the papers..."

BLIND MAGICIAN - "Maybe that ball knows all of our strategies now? What if it tells it to our opponents?"

GUAXINIM - "How? It can't talk!"

The Emperor put down the copy of the Meice Journal that had landed on his desk.

“VIVVRYL STATUE GONE!” screamed the main headline, and knowing that the new statue in Fort Boston Plaza wasn't there last night (and was a bit foreign looking), the Emperor knew he had to face the cameras, for what was the fourth time this week. Could have been worse though, at least the press attention had died down about the case of Mrs. Miles' bag of roast peanuts which disappeared while on a guided tour of the Castle.

The fact it disappeared just after the Emperor had walked by was the main issue, but it was all worth it, the Emperor thought, roast peanuts were the best. Maybe not as good as pork scratching, but rather good nonetheless.

An hour or so later

---Fort Boston Plaza, Fort Boston---

The Emperor was stood infront of a statue of Pedro the Donkey, which had had a successful negotiation of ownership during the war where Bostopia defended Sorthern Northland against foreign invasion. Even if the SN government had rather they weren't there. Next to the statue of Pedro the Donkey was a large bronze statue of rather aged foreign looking description, which had definitely not been stolen.

“I am here today to counter accusations that Bostopian military personnel stole a statue from Meice, Vephrall, which was then apparently placed behind me by Bostopian officials acting under orders from me.

These accusations are entirely wrong, and -” the Emperor patted the statue “- completely non-factual. We in Bostopia would appreciate our name not being slandered in this matter. Thank you.”

The Emperor turned to face the statue, gave it the thumbs up, then turned to the cameras to pose in a thumb-up style in-front of the statue, before walking off with Haelwen.

“That went well, I thought.”

“No, Emperor. It didn't.”

“Why not? We had to counter the accusations that were flying at us!”

“There WERE no accusations, Emperor! None!”

“Why didn't you tell me?”

“I did! Five times, not excluding writing it on a sticky note and putting it on your head!”

“Oh.. is that what I found on the floor of the shower?”

“Yes!”

“Ah well,” the Emperor said, “all's well that ends well.”

“It's not ended!”

“Ah well,” the Emperor said, “the moral of the story is-”

“Don't have stolen statues put in the main plaza of your capital city?”

“No, don't trust the press!” The Emperor said with a grin, before jogging through the main gates of the Castle, leaving Haelwen to shake his head and follow after him.

Purple Knights To Face Han

Wether the next game be home or away for the Knights doesn't matter. Either way the game will be played in Daehanjeiguk as Taeshan is still in turmoil on the home side. Just yesterday the newly formed Republic Of The Lesser Islands head honcho Mike Wilhelm announced plans to ally with the rest of the world in a joint attack on the Taeshani homefront. The plans read that the world will strike to wipe Communism out of the minds of the people. Though there is speculation that the plans will not be acted upon as they don't want to kill their own citizens.

Next up for the Knights as earlier stated are the young boys of Daehanjeiguk This will be the second fixture of the year between the two teams and as they are still in a friendly war to see who can beat the other this game may even if it prevents qualification be the highlight of the second half for the Knights. If they qualify it is still possible the Knights will look upon tommorrow as the day of righteosness. Okay that doesn't make sense, but it sounds cool.

Blue Tornado Set For Phoenix

There comes a time in everyones life were they must face their demons. Wether it be the fact that your not good enough, you aren't loved, noone likes you, or noone thinks your good enough there is always a point in someone's life to proove everyone wrong. Wether it be by getting love, aproval, the assurance you need that you are needed, or just the small fact that your life has not been a ssmall little thing that prooves the rule wrong. Anyways there is always a point in the small threads of times were the day of trial comes and perhaps your day is coming.

Well the time has come for the young Soccer team from Kosovoe known as the Blue Tornado. After earlier defeating the Qazox National teams Phoenix it is now time to proove with another win that that was not a fluke. A twist in time can assure us to be there at the right time, it is coming dfast, but the Tornado should meet it well. Angel Kenssington, Ossi Euro, Jamie Barry and faithful goalies Aximili Riddle shall lead the team into battle. It is time to be weighed and measured and hopefully we will not come out wanting.

(from the ‘Sports’ section of ‘The Bear Necessities’…)


BELLES BLITZ BUNNIES!!!

Bears Armed 6 – 1 Invisible Wabbits

Now, that’s the way to do it! The Belles returned to the qualifying series, having won the last two out of their three ‘mid-qualifier’ friendlies, with renewed drive and what will — I hope — prove to be a strong momentum towards victory. Facing the Wabbits when those are one of the weakest teams in the group was expected to be a win for our girls anyway, especially as this game was being held at home in Plumtrees Park, but they really excelled themselves yesterday.
For some reason, the Belles decided to dispense with performing their traditional 'harrdiharr’ before this match, and simply strolled onto the pitch while still consuming take-away snacks from one of the stadium’s cookshops: then again, that shop was a branch of the ‘Cute Bunny Burger’ chain, so I suppose they could have been trying a different form of pre-game intimidation against these opponents instead...
A rapid trio of goals from Beorra o Barrdenn, Harrya o Herchaum, and Beorra o Barrdenn again, put the Belles 3-0 up just before the mid-point of the first half, while Charra o Barrdenn successfully stopped the only two shots that the Wabbits’ own players made ‘on goal’ during that period... and then the Wabbits started trying to play “dirty”. Fortunately for the Belles, however, but most unfortunately for the Wabbits, the referee was an Elf... and, as it turns out, Elves can see “Invisible” Wabbits. Within just a few more minutes the guest team had been reduced to having only eight players on the pitch, and forced back into a dogged defensive effort. Beorra o Barrdenn completed her hat-trick in the 38th minute, and that was bascially it until the break.
Entertainment during half-time was provided by the ‘National University Marching Band’, playing a medley of tunes form that long-running show ‘The Moosetrap’.
The remaining Wabbits remained on the defensive for most of the second half, too, but could not prevent further goals being added to the Belles’ total by Harrya o Herrchaum (again) in the 52nd minute, Marra-Urra o Redwood in the 67th minute, and then Beorra oBarrdenn yet again with barely more than a minute of ‘stoppage time’ left.
BUT then, just as the referee was about to blow his whistle to signal the end of the match, the Wabbits’ captain Harry McWabbit launched a shot that disappeared into thin air — with a cry of ”Geronimo!”, whatever that means — and somehow managed to have already reappeared going clearly into the Belles’ net a quarter-minute earlier!
Thus, the final score ended up at 6-1, giving the Belles another 3 points and more than tripling their ‘goal difference’ rating into the bargain...
This is the Belles’ best result so far during this contest, and is even the best result that ANY team in their entire GROUP has managed as of yet.


(Full details on page ‘S-2’.)


_________________________________________________________________________________

Elsewhere in the Group

A win for Dancougar over Qazox meant that the latter team gained no points yesterday, so that the Belles' own victory was enough to bring them level in that respect although Qazox is still listed above the Belles because of having beaten them inthe only match that these two teams have played against each other so far during this contest. Coupled with Kosovoe being unable to manage anything better than a rather ignominous draw aaginst the bottom-ranked team from The Mc Laughlin Islands, this let Dancougar rise back up to third place -- at just one point behind those two leaders -- and pushed Kosovoe (with one point less than that down to fourth. In the meanwhile, a drawn result between the group's only other two sides, Bushdome and The Macabees, gave each of them a single point and so kept either of them from managing to reduce the gap between this group's top four and bottom four teams.


(Full analysis on page ‘S-7’.)

Greali World Cup Qualifying Schedule
MD1: Greal VS Daehanjeiguk (2-2)
MD2: Greal VS Candelaria And Marquez (2-3)
MD3: Greal VS Mo Land 3 (4-0)
MD4: Greal VS Achtervolging (1-1)
MD5: Greal VS Cassadaigua (1-0)
MD6: Greal VS Taeshan (3-2)
MD7: Greal VS Albundania (3-1)
MD8: Greal VS Daehanjeiguk (0-2)
MD9: Greal VS Candelaria And Marquez
MD10: Greal VS Mo Land 3
MD11: Greal VS Achtervolging
MD12: Greal VS Cassadaigua
MD13: Greal VS Taeshan
MD14: Greal VS Albundania


Greal VS Candelaria And Marquez

Greal will be playing Candelaria and Marquez following the Greali team being defeated by the Han Empire. Today's match will be extremely tough on the Greali, but morale was still high and some think that today's match might prove to be a victory for the Greali. The last time the Greali played Candelaria and Marquez was earlier in the WC45 qualifying stages and the Greali lost narrowly. Either way, both teams will play it out in the sunny blue sky weather today while over 1 billion viewers will watch the game. Michael Istoma will be returning to the field after the minor injury he received during the match against the Han players. Greal will play with standard formation.

In other matches...

Battered Albundania plays Cassadaigua today.

Taeshan plays the Han Empire .

Achtervolging plays Mo Land 3.

--------------------------------------------------------

"Narrow loss." said Roger.

"Narrow victory." reported Brian.

"Draw." said Ethan.

"Draw." said Jeff.

"Narrow victory." said Ross."Money?"

"Three hundred."

"Five hundred."

"Six hundred."

"Four hundred."

"And five hundred for me." said Ross writing it down.

"Do you think our team stands a chance?" asked Brian to their soccer expert, Ethan.

"It does. Professionally it does anyway."

"If we win..."

"Then I'll be satisfied."

"The Military is calling up reserves." said Roger looking at the news,"Anyone here a reservist?"

"Me." said Brian.

"I'm a marine reservist." said Ethan.

"They want you to report back to base. A few weeks after WC45 apparently." reported Roger.

"Lets just settle down and watch this match." said Ross.

"Hear Hear."

Matchday 9 results (http://www.forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14595575&postcount=12) are now up.

1:"What happened this time?"
2:"A draw."
3:"A bad draw."
2:"I guess so."

1:"What's a bad draw?"
3:"A game we should have won."
1:"Why should we have won it?"
3:"Because we're a quality side."

2:"Well, I don't know about that. I think we're overrated."
3:"Nah, I think we're rated about right, I mean, who is Colbourne?"
1:"I've never heard of them before."
3:"Exactly."

2:"Just because she's never heard of them, doesn't automatically mean we should beat them at their own stadium."
3:"That's fair enough, maybe."
2:"Well a 70 side hosting a 30 side would be happy with a draw, but I don't think we should be complaining."
1:"Are we going to qualify?"

3:"Probably not, and that's my issue. We need to beat teams like this if we want to go through."
1:"Where are we on the table?"
2:"We're fourth, three points behind Kura-Pelland."
3:"Yeah but we've got Bazalonia next.

2:"Oh shit. Forgot about that. That's almost a must win isn't it?"
3:"Probably, but it's in Bazalonia."
2:"Don't like our chances."
1:"Try and be positive boys!"

2:"Bit hard at this stage. Although a Cup of Harmony would be great fun."
3:"Do you think we would get invited?"
2:"I would hope so. I mean we were in the World Cup last time."
3:"I hope you're right."




Full Schedule.
Pre Friendlies
vs Bears Armed @ National Sports Arena, Olympia. 2-1.
Qualifying Stage One.
vs Bostopia @ National Sports Arena, Olympia. 0-1
vs Colbourne @ People of Ephesum Stadium, Ephesum. 1-0
vs Bazalonia @ Peisandros Bowl, Delphi. 1-0
at Edward City. 4-2
vs Lurikastan @ People of Ephesum Stadium, Ephesum. 2-2
at Kura-Pelland. 0-1
vs Mantwenic @ National Sports Arena, Olympia. 2-0.
Mid Friendlies
vs Jeruselem @ National Sports Arena, Olympia. 0-3
at Ad'ihan. 0-1
Qualifying Stage Two.
at Bostopia. 1-4
at Colbourne. 1-1
at Bazalonia.
vs Edward City @ People of Ephesum Stadium, Ephesum.
at Lurikastan.
vs Kura-Pelland @ National Sports Arena, Olympia.
at Mantwenic.
Post Friendlies
vs Myedvedeya (Unsure where).
at Krytenia.
at Taeshan.

Ryan Greenly reading a local Wing Wang Woo newspaper while his girlfriend Marie was sleeping in the grass. She was rather tired after the Princesses win over local Wing Wang Woo team. He noticed something in the grass moving around. Matilda Dallas was sitting with two kids.

Ryan: Marie, I think you'd better get off the grass.
Marie: It's nice here ...
Ryan: There's things in the grass moving.
Marie: A few worms won't kill me.

Ryan: I'm not talking about small worms.
Marie: Like what?
Ryan: Snakes, scorpions, spiders ...
Marie: There's something nesting in my hair!

Ryan: Hold still. I'll get it.

<Ryan pulls something long out of her hair>

Marie: What is it?
Ryan: It's baby snake.
Marie: Is it poisonious?
Ryan: I don't know. I'm no snake expert.

Matilda: Don't worry, that's harmless tree snake.
Ryan: How'd you know that?
Matilda: Err, just something I study.
Marie: Hey, there's more in here!

<Later>

Ryan: God Marie, you had the mother and her kids in there.
Matilda: Medusa Dallas!
Marie: These are cute actually.
Ryan: What are we going to do with them?

Matilda: Put them near that tree, they'll just go back home.
Marie: I think I need a hair cut.
Ryan: If you can hide snakes in there, then yes.
Matilda: What's wrong Marie?

Marie: I think there's one in my dress.
Matilda: I think it's nice and warm in there. Right Ryan?
Marie: I'm glad snakes don't breastfeed.

<Later>

Matilda: I think that's the last one.
Marie: Teach me for sleeping on the grass.
Ryan: Could have been worse.
Marie: Where'd the cameras come from?

Ryan: I think they followed us around
Marie: Oh great, I'm going be Medusa Dallas for rest of my life now.

Juan Kim had spent the great majority of his time since talking to the Boy Scouts preparing himself against even more weirdos. He wasn't certain just how he managed to get them off of his case, but he did notice that he was bankrupt and typing furiously from the confines of a cardboard box. But he was still on the quest to find the BSF so he could write that paper about the BFSA transition.

"BSF, this is Stacey. How can I help you?"

"This is Juan Kim, and I'm trying to write a paper about the BSF's recent decision to change their name from BFSA to BSF."

"I'm sorry you have the wrong phone number. This is the Bigtopian Slushie Fund. We've never been the BFSA."

"Okay thanks..." Juan Kim hung up. Failure number 2941. He was starting to become drawn down with fatigue, but he knew that this article would be so important that it would be the one difference between him writing in a cardboard box and writing in... a bigger cardboard box, at least. He had to talk to BSF!

"Welcome to BSF! This is Gary. How can I help you?"

"I'm asking about why BSF changed their name from BFSA to BSF. Is this the right place?"

"Ummmm....... we deal with big stinky ferrets only. No questions asked."

"Okay. So you guys aren't the BSF that changed their name from BFSA?"

*click*

"How rude!" Juan said, trying to dial out to another place. He was getting tired of these calls, but he vowed that he wouldn't rest until he got the right BSF, no matter how many failures that would constitute. After all, if he were just one call away from getting the right BSF, he'd fail for life. Whereas, each call made was a step in the right direction.

"Hallo! This is the BSF! You make 'em, we'll take 'em. See our newest and latest additions on the national plaza!"

"Hello?"

The voice on the other end suddenly jerked to and fro. "WE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING AND YOU CAN'T PROVE ANYTHING!"

Juan paused for just a moment. His ears was ringing rather loudly. "No need to shout. I'm just here to ask about the BSF changes recently."

"Oh, well go on!"

"I'm just curious to ask what BSF means and why you changed your name from BFSA to BSF. Was it a matter of semantics?"

The voice on the other end seemed oblivious to Juan's questions. Instead, he was busily whistling Colonel Bogey's March amidst an awful lot of finger tapping. Juan didn't know if he should repeat the question. "This is the BSF?"

"Yes, who is this? The press? You know, they can't be trusted, you know?"

Juan nodded. "Uh, this isn't the press. This is..." Juan looked around his room for something else other than a bunch of newspapers. "The IRA!" What the heck was IRA?

"Oh, you guys again! How many times do I have to tell you? It's not mine! In fact, I never sent the order for it! That just appeared last night in my bedroom, no clue how it got there!"

Juan was confused now. "What is it?"

The voice paused. "That depends on what 'is' is."

Juan was still confused. "Okay. So you're aware of the change of BSF from BFSA?"

"The Bostopian Foreign Statues Association?!? That's a great idea! Maybe I should change the darned name!"

Needless to say, Juan was lost. "Wait, you're changing it back to BFSA? What the %$#^ was BSF then?"

The voice paused again. "Nothing." Over the phone, Juan could hear another odd voice calling out in the distance. Although it was quite audible, Juan couldn't discern who was saying what. In the end, the voice simply hung up, without ever discussing who or what BSF was in the first place. Ah, well, at least it was an improvement. Juan went on to call the next location.

"Hello, welcome to BSF! This is Stacey, how can I help you?"

"Did I just call this place?"

"Umm... maybe. Who is this?"

"I'm asking about the BFSA to BSF change. Is this right place?"

"BFSA?" Stacey got off the phone and started yelling. "Yo! Gary! Did we used to be anything other than the Big Stinky Ferrets?"

"Nevermind..." Juan hung up.

Purple Knights Slaughtered By Han Team

In perhaps the biggest game this half of the qualifying campaign last night the Purple Knights were crush, slaughtered and made into a pie by the team from Daehanjeiguk. The game of course was played at a stadium in Daehanjeiguk. Any city will do in this spot because if it was a home or away game Daehanjieguk hosted it. Due to the political turmoil in Taeshan everything is out of wack and now it seems to have affected how well the Knights can do.

The final score was 6-0. That pretty much describes it. The Knights looking to salvage at least one point from this mess of a series couldn't even beat the 2 point spread set up by the Pruxian gamblers. Even in Secristans famous betting tables the money spenders were shocked as many of them lost loads of cash due to Daehanjeiguk's sudden interest in beating the crap out of the Taeshan side. The Goals were scored in the 11th, 22nd, 33rd, 40th, 67th and 80th minutes. The Knights lost and it was a suprising one at that.

Blue Tornado Fall To Qazox

It was bound to happen. After beating the Phoenix in their first match the Tornado went back into their second game against the country of Oxen and fell by the very same score they defeated the exact same team just over 2 months ago. Waht a difference a few days make. Bringing into this little conversation that the first game wasn't expected to be like that brings up the fact that maybe that game and the first half of qualifying was fluke as now they are out of qualifying position after being well within in it last time around.

Wether or not the Tornado were really out to proove everyone wrong will never be known. They looked really jumpy out on the field and it is anyone's guess on if they really played up to their potential. There also is some talk that the Tornado have been recently contacted by some gamblers to pay them back for some past help. Fixing quualification is a dream many gamblers have wanted to do. Some notable former occurences possibly name teams that let Peisandros and Bears Armed in last year. Anyway the Tornadoes lone goal came from Angel Kenssington in the 7oth minute after all three of the Qazian goals.

Saint Nash Courier
If you haven't heard it before, It's News to you!
SPORTS
Vengence, Thy Name is Matilda!

Just over 3 months ago, Qazox lost to Kosovoe in a match that was so horrible, the Qazoxian press declined to even write about it, other than a score line. Today, Kosovoe gets that distinction, as Matilda Swords scored her first hat-trick win a 3-1 win over the 4th placed team in Group 6.

Only a 70th minute Angel Kenssington kept the score relatviely close, but the story of the day was Ms. Matilda's 3 goals. Excellent runs at the net netted her the first two, in the 27th and 35th minutes, but the goal every one will be talking about is her 3rd.

Just after Kosovoe's latest attakc was squashed, the counter attack, led by Reginald Gillispie, tore through the defense, and Matilda was trailing the play. A quick pass over to Angel Kenworthy, lead to a blocked shot and the rebound came right to Matilda. While being tripped by Jeffrey Morgan, the ball bounced off of Sword's butt, yes, her butt and while on the ground, she scissor-kicked it just around Aximili Ridle's diving save attempt. You just have to see the goal, as words fail to describe it. (See it at: Swordsgoal/qspnsoccernet/qspn.com (http://Swordsgoal/qspnsoccernet/qspn.com)(ooc: Not a real link!) )

Now only one real challenge in the group remains, a trip to Bears Armed in two weeks. But up next is the Invisible Rabbits. The game will kickoff at 10:25pm and fans will be allowed to bring in infrared gear, as to see the opponents.


Scoring Summary:
Qazox:
Matilda Swords (5, 6, 7): 27', 35' 51'

Kosovoe:
Angel Kenssington: 70'

Hellispont Times-Herald
If only football games were 85 minutes long...

...then the Wombats would have walked away with two 0-0 draws with defending champions, Starblaydia. Valrauncion, who scored in the 87th minute in Starblaydia to give them the 1-0 home win, did it again today, this time in the 85th minute. Vance Reingold once again kept Green wombat it the match, making 10 saves, but the killer instinct of Starblaydia did the wombats in once again.

Now 4 points behind Krytenia for the final World CUp qualifying berth, the wombats host Dariusville, who are just 2 points behind in 5th. Anything less than a win, and tickets for the Cup of Harmony will go on sale on Sunday night.

By the time Sarzonia's 4-0 demolishment at the hands of Sorthern Northland was finished, there was hardly anyone left in Bryan Marshall Memorial Stadium to witness it.

It was a bloodbath, pure and simple. Unlike Sarzonia's 5-0 away loss to Cafundéu, manager Brian Wilson didn't substitute Kelvin Russell for beleaguered goalkeeper Cody Taylor. He didn't abandon his team's three-forward line up in an effort to generate more offence. He didn't make defensive substitutions in an effort to apply a tourniquet to the carnage.

After the final whistle, most of the Stars appeared to the remnants of the 41,825 who braved a late winter snow squall to be zombies. They walked back toward the dressing room with stunned looks on their faces. When Wilson walked into the dressing room, his original intent was to blast his team's dreary performance.

Then he looked in the eyes of the players. There was no joy. It appeared to be a morgue, not a team dressing room. Instead of slamming a tray of oranges against an unfortunate victim known as the chalkboard, Wilson wanted to walk into the closet in his office and open a case of Kleenex. Granted, only the female players on the team were crying, but it looked for all the world as though the rest of the team would start any moment now.

"Guys," Wilson said, knowing the women would understand that he used "guys" as a generic term to include women. "I don't have to tell you about your performance tonight. We knew going in that this would be a tough group. We knew coming in that Sorthern Northland are an outstanding side. Having said that, I expected better from you."

He just let the comment hang in the cool air of the room. He spoke in hushed tones, but the words still cut to the bone. So much so, in fact that forward Reese Nichols, who missed two point-blank opportunities on goal would say later he wished Wilson would have screamed.

"We'll meet for practice on Wednesday at 1600 hours," Wilson said, fully aware that was well into the day after tomorrow. "We'll have a piñata party at Dad's house tomorrow afternoon at 1400."

"Piñata party? Why?" forward Matt Lynch asked.

"More like a 'let's beat the shit out of our troubles in effigy' party," said assistant coach Kevin Wilson. Brian looked at his younger brother, who spilled the beans on exactly what the purpose of the gathering was. But then Brian Wilson looked back.

"Figured we could use a little humour," he said. "Lord knows we need a good laugh."

Akbarabad in danger again.

(Akbarbad Press, AP): The Akbrabad national side slumped to a 2-1 defeat at home to Septentrionia despite earlier defeating them by the same margin away. This defeat leaves the side out of one of the qualifying slots for the first time and in serous danger of missing out altogether. The next match, away to bottom side Ierossios takes on a must win character, as once again the Tiger eaters cannot afford to drop points.

Prux@WC45.com
Adverts Get a Six-Pack!

A 15th minute goal from Sonny the Cuckoo Bird was all Prux needed to win in outerspace as they win a new team-record 6th consecutive match and edge closer to clinching a 3rd World Cup berth in 16 years. It also was a team-record 3rd consecutive shut-out and Juan Valdez set a new team record with his 213 consecutive minutes of goallessness (to coin a new word!)

Despite the disadvantge of playng in zero-G, the Adverts played rather well and Jolly was thrilled that his massive mass only weighed about 7 pounds, and therefore wasn't a liability in the match.

The win sets up a showdown at Griffin Stadium next Tuesday night against Milchama. Can the Adverts make it a lucky-7 and take over the group lead? Or will they slip back to the pack? Expect Griffin Stadium to be rocking all night long.


Prux World Cup 45 Qualifying Schedule:

(all Home Matches to be played the hopefully completed Griffin Stadium in Pawtucket, Prux, Capacity 67,500, Pics not available at this time.)
@ Ierissos D 1-1
vs. Rymeria W 5-3
@ Milchama L 1-2
vs. Govindia W 6-1
@ Akbarabad W 2-0
vs. Septentrionia W 4-3
@ Arroza W 2-0
vs. Ierissos W 1-0
@ Rymeria W 1-0
vs. Milchama
@ Govindia
vs. Akbarabad
@ Septentrionia
vs. Arroza
(RECORD 4-1-1)


Meet a Pruxian (Part 6 of an 11-part Series)

Greg Woods, Pilsbury
Pic: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/5/5d/Evander_Holyfield.jpg/200px-Evander_Holyfield.jpg
Age: 45
Sex: Male
Occupation: Tennis Coach

3 Questions with Greg Woods:

Q1: So, Greg, people pay you to teach them how to play tennis?

A: Yep. While tennis isn't the best known sport in Prux, we do have our fair share of players..

Q2: Ever play professionally?

A: Nope, but once beat Jason Franks in stright sets!. 6-2, 6-3, 7-5. (ed note: Jason Franks is the only professional Tennis player in Prux)
(Jason Franks pic: )
http://tbn1.google.com/images?q=tbn:nX69SgbTMe0WCM:http://www.boxnews.com.ua/photos/331/Lennox%2520Lewis12.jpg

Q3: So what the deuce does deuce mean?

A: It means the match is tied after the 30 point mark. Basically it was a clearer sounding name than even or tied, I guess.


(ooc: No, the pics aren't supposed to be the same, or else the joke wouldn't work. A happy point for the reasoning behind the 2 pics I am using for each posting... and yes this running gag will last as long as I last in the World Cup or someone determines the reason (An easy one for you all! Start guessing tommorrow, please! )

Jeruselem Government News

Unlucky Jeru FC lose to Jasīʼyūn

Jasīʼyūn defeated Jeru FC 1-0 in a vital game in Group 4. With Jeruselem having a lazy 2-0 win over Wing Wang Woo (yes, that is a nation) - Jeru FC's defeat left them in dangerous place in Group 4 sitting in 3rd with Jasīʼyūn with some Turks in 2nd place. The Elves sit pretty on top of the table. Now, Jeru FC need to impress against the Elves as well as win all the remaining games.

Despite some enterprising play from the Cannons, the team were unable to break the opposition defense. The game dragged with both sides not able to land the killer blow and seemingly heading to a draw. Unfortunately, this changed when midfielder Kaye Rocoossk was sent off to her surprise. It turned out later, the wrong Jeru FC got sent off as referee wanted to send off number 6 and sent off number 16. This was corrected after the match was over but with Jeruselem down to 10 players, they couldn't hold on for the draw and lost the game.

Five games left and the Cannons with a 4-3-2 record have a lot of work to do. Koseli Cumhuriyetler (aka Turks) in 2nd spot are 1 point ahead of Jeru FC with a 5-1-3 record while the Elves will top the table with a 7-2-0 record. Jasīʼyūn lurks behind Jeru FC by one point and Secristan are 2 points adrift. Even Logria are still in the running 4 points adrift.

Should say the Elves beat Jeru FC as they really should, the best Jeru FC can do is 27 points assuming they win the other four games. Jeru FC meet Koseli Cumhuriyetler too and this is not a game they must fail in. The Jeru FC have a mountain to climb, and need to be at their best with a pack behind them. Group 4 is lead by the Elves but 2nd to 6th have a chance of qualitying and taking one of two spots.

Compare that to Group 10 where the top 4 is clear and 5th is two wins out as well as 8 points difference between 1st and 4th. Should Jeru FC beat the Elves, it'd be a big step towards securing the Cannon's place in the finals. On past record, it's not going to happen. A draw is more realistic but a loss is almost certain unless Jeru FC repeat Jeruselem's draw against the Elves last World Cup.

(Post- Bostopian Empire match)

Yaschter: Alright, everyone, let’s get settled in. We haven’t done anything yet. Beating the Bostopian Empire was important, but there is still room for improvement. McAllister, nice goal, turning it on just like we need.

McAllister: Thanks, I like playing the 4-4-2, coach. I think it suits us pretty well.

Yaschter: Of course it does, or else I wouldn’t be using it. I hate the 4-3-3. How the hell does a team survive with only three men in the midfield and expect to qualify like that.

Kusler: It’s better for us, certainly. I’m glad we’re using it.

Yaschter: Taylor, you’re doing good. How much experience had you had previously as an attacking midfielder?

Taylor: Not a ton because coaches have always thought I would be better up front.

Yaschter: Good football always starts in the midfield, and you guys are coming around. We can make a run at this thing. Billy, how’s your girlfriend?

Prescott: Huh?

Yaschter: Oksana Ferris, right, how’s she doing.

Prescott: Good I just didn’t expect you to be asking me about her right now.

Yaschter: Good looking one she is. You watch her a lot, right?

Prescott: I watch all her games.

Yaschter: I’ve noticed. Watching her is really helping you.

Prescott: I suppose.

Yaschter: The rest of you, you know why I bring this up? Because Billy here isn’t only watching his girlfriend, he’s watching one of the best footballing nations in the world who is also having a great qualifying campaign. And he’s picking up little things. Those things that Newmanistan needs to go from that team that the top countries consider a potential spoiler but one they should handle to becoming one that they will fear. Billy is 18 but his composure is top class for his age. The Bostopians are a tough physical group and was all over them. Billy, you’re going to be a superstar.

Prescott: Well thanks, coach.

Yaschter: The rest of you should follow that example. And you will, because your assignment is to watch all the games of one of the top ranked countries in the world and just see how they do things. Take your jersey number, match it to the current KPB rankings, and that’s the country I want you to follow. Except Billy, who already has Jeruselem.

(Several players nod)

Yaschter: Of course I want you to prepare yourselves for upcoming opponents, but I want you to relax and see what a good country does. And during the match, ask yourself what Newmanistan does differently then them. What does Newmanistan need to do to get onto that level.

(More nodding)

Yaschter: It’s nice to be up to 3-3-3 considering where were a couple weeks ago. But we need to beat the Monks and Vephrall if we’re going to qualify.

McAllister: Let’s do it guys!

(The coach leaves)

McAllister: So who does everyone have? (pulls out rankings). Qazox. Oh, boy.

Kusler: Valanora, I don’t even have to look.

Hennis: Kjomasasopia isn’t in it.

McAllister: (laughs) Guess he forgot that you wore #81.

Hennis: Home free, I guess!

Taylor: Or that I wear #53. But hey, Akbarabad is decent.

McAllister: They’re better then us right now.

(And this carries on until everyone finds their team)

Greali World Cup Qualifying Schedule
MD1: Greal VS Daehanjeiguk (2-2)
MD2: Greal VS Candelaria And Marquez (2-3)
MD3: Greal VS Mo Land 3 (4-0)
MD4: Greal VS Achtervolging (1-1)
MD5: Greal VS Cassadaigua (1-0)
MD6: Greal VS Taeshan (3-2)
MD7: Greal VS Albundania (3-1)
MD8: Greal VS Daehanjeiguk (0-2)
MD9: Greal VS Candelaria And Marquez (1-4)
MD10: Greal VS Mo Land 3
MD11: Greal VS Achtervolging
MD12: Greal VS Cassadaigua
MD13: Greal VS Taeshan
MD14: Greal VS Albundania

Defeated again

The Greali were defeated by Candelaria And Marquez 4-1 after a tough game with Sebastian Expan and Michael Istoma both suffering minor injuries. Howard Anderson alone managed to score for the Greali right before the game ended, leaving the Greali a little honor. Not enough, but a little was better then nothing. Ross Trent says tomorrow's game against Mo Land 3 will be crucial for the Greali since if they lose one more time, then it probably will end Greal's chances for qualifying. The game received slightly less then one billion viewers while the weather was sunny as predicted.


Candelaria And Marquez 4

Greal 1
Howard Anderson (91')


In other games..

To the shock of the group, Taeshan was massacred and destroyed 0-6 by The Han Empire.

Cassadaigua destroyed Albundania 2-0. Albundania had the misfortune of losing nine straight games and was eliminated.

Mo Land 3 lost to Achtervolging 1-4.

Arroza Seized by Pandemic Fever.

Over the last three weeks a new disease known as Sea Flu has swept across the Northern Tier of Arroza, and is directly linked to over three hundred deaths and approximately 10,000 hospitalizations. No one knows how this particular strain crossed over into humans, but the A/O Centers for Disease Control have isolated the start of the outbreak to Leon de Pascua in Seclusion Coast. In the last three weeks tough, the disease has spread across the province and into adjacent parts of Resurgens. Notable characteristics of Sea Flu are:


Sluggishness
Increased Skin Sensitivity
Fevers of up to 105 degrees which Acetaminophen does nothing for.
Dysentery
Dizziness
Hacking Cough.


Travelers are advised to stay away from affected areas of the country, and the Ministry of Sport and Tourisn has decided to move the country's World Cup Qualifier match against Akbarabad from Fisherman's Union in Black Tide to Miracolo Del Sur in Llanura Tostado.

NO UPSET FOR YOU

They weren’t the members of the baseball team at the center of the pitch. When this game was originally scheduled for matchday two, there was going to be a ceremony honoring those players. Then came Hurricane Danielle. The baseball players since received their rebate checks, but there were more people to honor. A group of 112 people huddled around the midfield circle as the players of each team were asked to stand to the side. Each person represented either a police, fire, or medical agency that helped save hundreds of lives in the aftermath of the Hurricane. We are really fortunate that the death toll was only 58. 58 too many, but everyone knows it could have been much worse. These brave men and women responded to the call, and saved lives. However, they did not know what to expect. They were simply told they would be honored at a midfield ceremony, and perhaps have the opportunity to shake hands with Secristani players, and perhaps a few members of the #1-ranked Vanorian side would also offer a handshake, which several of them did. There would be more. Jason Carruthers, President of the Secristan Department of Infrastructure had a gift. In collaboration with the Secristan Department of Sports, each person received a check in the amount of 89,285.71 rusas (10 million divided by 112) to be distributed amongst representatives of their organizations. And if that wasn’t enough, the players presented a check for 26,785.71 rusas for each person (3 million divided by 112). That ends up being just over 116,000 rusas per organization. We hope that those who think that Secristanis are heartless have made note of this wonderful gesture.

There was a game to be played as well and there was hope that after the Millionaires played Valanora tough on the road, only losing 1-0, that they could get something out of this game. For a little while, things were looking good. James Rogan’s 33rd minute strike tied the game at one, and it remained tied until the 70th minute. Towards the end though, the Vanorians showed their class and pulled away with two goals in the final twenty minutes, spoiling the chance at the upset. Secristan falls to 4-1-4, but we remind people that our toughest second leg games are behind us now, which is something that Koseli Cumheriyetler certainly cannot claim. Jasi’yun looks like they are in good form, and this is troubling, but they too have one more with Valanora. The matchday 12 game between us and them may be huge. In Amherst, we may see another huge average bid price per seat for that one. For tonight’s game, the final average was 288R per seat, and purchases of the pay-per-view were quite high. The next two matches leading up to the Jasi’yun game will be home with San Castello and then in Logria. It’s getting good!

"That was a quite move"

"Yeh from El Cidator to New Babylon is quite a long way away"

"So anyway what happened while I had no access to any news whatsoever?"

"Another World Cup started"

"Oh a couple of games in"

"No 8 games in"

"Wait you're telling me I was out for that long"

"Yep"

"Oh dear god"

"Yep"

"So how are those proud Warriors doing?"

"They're 7-0-1"

"That's excellent sounds like the MFA finally figured out what they were doing"

"Actually the MFA haven't released a roster, nobody has any idea who is doing this"

"Seriously, SERIOUSLY WHAT THE HELL A BUNCH OF NOBODIES!!!!!!!!"

"They're certainly not nobodies for example, one of the strikes looks like David Targent and the keeper is almost certainly Helos Malafeeny"

"Ok at least there are some names but seriously, really REALLY no released roster why?"

"They are too lazy"

"That's it"

"Yeh Conan Yarkostotototototoman said, "You guys will just get mad anyway so we're not going to tell you anything and have you get mad about that"

"Oh dear"

"Well whoever the team is they are doing quite well"

"Yeh that's true Come on you Warriors!"

"Come on you Warriors!"

http://img134.imageshack.us/img134/7993/dailyturkjo0.png
Koseli Cumhuriyetler 1–0 Logria
Solid Defense For Once
What we lacked in attacking prowess we made up for in defense solidity. The team have started to believe that they can make the World Cup and are gaining confidence. This is making the Turks a dangerous side to play even if the score line doesn't reflect that.

Logria who so nearly got an upset over the Turks in the reverse of this fixture played very well in the midfield making many crucial interceptions, especially late in the first half but these effort were made moot after Oktay's second in two games after 4 minutes. The goal was route one but it worked. Logria came agonizingly close to an equalizer when they hit the crossbar after stinging Orhan's fingers from long range.

At half time the stadium gradually got more aggressive due to offensive gestures made by Logria players, but the substantial police presence prevented anything from happening. On a footballing note the best chance of the second half fell to Serkan who slipped as he struck it and it crept past the post.

Courtney’s Space

Playing on the road, we could get away from all the media questions about the incident involving MEN in the Mo Land 3 game. Many people have mailed me wanting to know what I thought about the whole thing. Well, I don’t care who you are, you do not run out onto the field at any time during the game. It probably hurt Mo Land 3 more then hurt us though, because instead of them getting any momentum from their early goal, there was the delay. We were able to huddle up and settle down, and avoided the upset that Candelaria And Marquez dealt with when facing that team. I’ve said it before and I will say it again, if there was a man good enough to be on our team, he would be on it. If we gave into MEN and put a guy on our team that was not deserving, then it will obviously show out there on the field. As a country trying to qualify for our first World Cup, we don’t need to be doing stupid publicity shit. Equal rights for men in Cassadaigua, sure, go ahead. But keep your stupid political stuff out of our soccer games, please. There are much better ways to try and get your message across then interrupting a soccer game. Perhaps do it in front of a governmental building. Our opponent last night was Albundania, a team that has struggled so far in qualifying. They are just one of two nations not to have managed even a single point. You look at their 0-0-9 record now and you almost want to feel sorry for them. I remember when Cassadaigua announced that we were going to enter World Cup competition for the first time. There were a lot of people afraid of the unknown, that we could really end up embarrassing ourselves and that it would be a disaster. We had a decent effort in that first time, so the disaster never happened. I’m sure they were afraid of that in Albundania, too. For them, it has been a nightmare, and I do admit that they have a long way to go. They have not been able to make it at this level, and you wonder if they will just give up now. The stadium couldn’t even have been half full. They just do not care here, anymore. Gotta feel sorry for the players. Maybe they can salvage something in their final five games, preferably by upsetting a team that would really benefit us. We won the game 2-0, on a pair of goals from Meghan Burns. We have really balanced the scoring around quite well in this cup.

Looking at group 2, which has got to be one of the best groups going right now, we saw Taeshan have a true Friday the 13th nightmare in losing to the Han 6-0. Damn! The result should help us quite a bit. Candelaria And Marquez bounced back with a strong win over Greal, which is also good for us. Achtervolging beat Mo Land 3. What are the odds that Achtervolging wins two in a row, right? That’ll be our next opponent in Concord Heights and hopefully there will be no protesting! We’re presently in second place at 6-1-2. Things continue to go well for us, but we cannot blow it in our next game! I’ll see you all there!

Dancougar News!! Road Report
TODO(Tim): Watch anime later and write a tagline.

Dancougar Black Wings draw Maccabees nil-all: After letting Rob have his way with the report for a few weeks, it's become clear to me that we need a change of direction. Still with no direction from the top, the two of us have been sharing duties, with myself performing the task of researcher and fact-scrounger. Rob's inability to sufficiently integrate these items into his reports has left me with no choice but to take over the responsibility of writing, as well.

An inauspicious draw for the Black Wings, coming on the heels of a dramatic road win against Qazox, meant they were unable to take full advantage of Kosovoe's stumble, and they remain only two points clear in third place. Coach Shigeru Takeuchi has failed once again to get any production out of his offense, although two shots off the post could have easily turned the tide. The Wings will have to be satisfied with their third goalless draw on the road in four road matches.

The very first minute of action saw several smooth passes between Lyle Dylandy and Alexei Voronzoff as they attempted to lead the team downfield for an early assault, although this continued well into the third minute despite some minor interruption by the Maccabee defense, which forced backpasses to defenders...

(Six pages of detailed game summary follows.)

... and only to find that the path, once again blocked by a central defender, would necessitate a backpass to the trailing Dylandy, who threw a half-hearted cross into the box only to see it headed clear. The ball bounced on the pitch before someone else got a foot to it, and it was Rosberg sending the ball fifteen feet over the bar with a colossal mis-hit. Rosberg must have gotten his foot too low under the ball, as is the general cause of such ballooned shots.

The Wings limp away with a point but will have to do better as they travel to Bushdome. At worst, it would maintain the two point cushion over Kosovoe but at best extend it to five before the two meet head-to-head in a match which could help determine third place. Nobody will catch Qazox or the Bears on their current form, relegating the Wings to a struggle not seen since their lower-ranked days.

Nobody's going to read your bullet points, dude: Your report is drier than my Aunt Ethel's meatloaf surprise. You need to inject some passion in this thing, man. I was reading through this thing, and I fail to note that righteous rage incited by that tackle on that dude, you know what I'm talking about, right? What... "In the 53rd minute, Rosberg was tackled harshly from behind as he sped away with a through ball from Dylandy, although the official, judging the ball to have been won first, declined to penalize the offender." WHERE IS THE RAAAAAGE?!

Tobias looked over the piece of writing placed before him one more time, just to make sure everything was in place. He and Panaliel had been working on this for days now, tinkering it here and there, rewording sentences to sound more elegant. Still, something about this document still felt very off to the former Great Leader, like the words you search for that are right there at the tip of your tongue. The document detailed an edict from Tobias that his wife had promised to deliver once they agreed upon its' completion. The edict entailed a simple set of standards that were going to be put in place until Elune spoke to them once again. It was as simple as installing a curfew to as intricate as to when and where the elves were supposed to pray to the Goddess. Tobias was sure that it was going to be unpopular with some of the citizens, honestly he didn't like it much either, but he and Panaliel had agreed that it needed to be put in place in order to keep order during these trying times. It was the first step in a several tiered process in order to maintain the peace and tranquility of the nations while the Temple did their best to bring about the reformation of the spirit.

"Here, this line right here, this is what seems off. "All citizens must pray no less than twice a day to the Goddess, asking for her forgiveness and for her to return to them." We can't just put something like that in there Panaliel, we are not a merciless dictatorship that tells its' citizens how they are going to live their lives. I know that there are plenty of elves and non-elves in this country that are not Elunist and I refuse to force my religion upon them, it is a total breech of my personal ethics."

"Milord, that particular passage was from the Goddess herself during her first silence many millenniums ago."

Tobias slammed his first down in frustration, causing several pens and paper clips to fall off the wooden table.
"And how do we know that the message still applies? We have never wrong Elune in such a way that we are to ask for her forgiveness. I don't know what happened thousands of years ago that made her turn from the race, but I know that we have not done anything that would require becoming a dictatorship, not even if it is only temporary."

"Who are you to question the Great Goddess? Who are you indeed? Your family originated from the disgusting drow who now lurk beneath the surface. You and your family have no authority over these lands and should be tossed back with your ilk. Let's see how they will treat you now that your skin has lightened up. Fools the lot of you, the Goddess was a fool to ever accept you into the folk, abominations!"

She rushed Tobias, trying to catch the young elf off guard, but he deftly shifted his feet and slid out the way as she crashed into the wall.
"Security, get in here, she's gone rogue!"
Two shadowy figures busted open the doors and rushed at the female trying to recover from her crash into the wall.
"This is the difference between you and me, I can accept past transgressions and move forward. I don't hold grudges over what happened in the past, I look forward to the future, to our sunburst star that is ever flowing into ascendancy. Perhaps that is why the Goddess works through me, and not through you, follower of Melliki. Take her away."

The New Cleethorpes Enquirer
Spankings abound as footballers claim double victory

Finally lifting the spirits of a depressed national sporting establishment, Quintessence of Dust finally claimed their first victory in World Cup 45 qualifying by an emphatic 5-2 margin over unranked islanders Noásahi. The three valuable points were enough to keep Quodite heads just above the water as the first set of eliminations took place in other groups. And at the close of the match, rescheduled and played in front of a small crowd in North Island at the Sam-is-That? Stadium, the players learned that absent colleague Dino Achten had claimed victory in his semifinal in FTV's Strictly Come Ironing, earning a finals place against bookies' favourite Björk Kjartansdóttir.

Achten's victory came at the expense of fashion designer Kimberley Klein, whose choice of a full gimp outfit backfired badly as she found herself ironing crisp lines over the zipper mask and butt-patches, only to stumble in her chosen environs, the notorious Blue Light district of downtown Highmark City. Achten meanwhile successfully ironed his fireman's outfit in record time while atop a blazing building, specially set alight for the show in what media commentators have hailed a "landmark in Quintessential television" and "an act of unbelievable recklessness". Though Achten remains an outsider to win, his chances may yet be better than his team's, whose victory today still leaves them with a long way to go in qualifying.

Goals abounded at the Sam-is-That? Stadium as Noásahi grabbed an early lead, reminding overconfident home fans that they had ground the Quodites out to a draw in the first half of qualifying, but then Jessica Jensen grabbed her third of the competition with a steaming volley from 22 yards to level things on the cusp of the half hour mark. Questions persist over Winchester Furman in goal after another costly error allowed Noásahi to reclaim the lead, this time slipping on the wrapping of a Venus bar he had eaten moments earlier to allow their striker to walk the ball in. Furman has haemorraghed 23 goals in 9 games.

Noel Nicholson then claimed his first international goal. Playing in Achten's stead behind Peter Rogers, who again dominated Quodite possession for much of the goal, Nicholson had a cautious game that will do little to dampen criticisms of him as not strong enough to play in the holding role, but his goal provided a welcome boost on the cusp of halftime, poking in a second attempt from a David Yellowback cross after Benvolio Azzinio's shot was well blocked.

But in the second half, Quintessence of Dust opened up a lead through an outrageous goal from Renard, breaking from defending a corner to lob over the swiftly backpedalling Noásahi keeper from the halfway line, and thereafter they were, for the first time this tournament, able to take and maintain control. Roger Longhorn's goal drought finally ended with a convincing solo effort, muscling through the Noásahi defence and chipping the approaching keeper, and then Rogers brought the fans to their feet as he finally managed a goal, a left-footed jab from a Renard corner.

Overall, the team's performance will give much needed encouragement for their tough next fixture against Terreiro do Ogum, to whom they previously suffered a dismal 1-0 defeat, but long-term prospects remain bleak with only 6 points from 9 games in a group filled with leading contenders for qualification.

Purple Knights Versus Candelaria

In a world were commerce and tade are a victim to the gree of a Communist ruler thier is no hope to pull ot without an intervention. Foreign governments do not yet seem to care at this point at all for what is going on in Taeshan. Kazzy Tre' Williams is leading an onslaught of the people, pillaging the money from those who need it the most and giving it to the people who have much of their own already. Protesters can not march anymore says a new law put into action by the Taeshani Senate after last weeks rally of the people. Thousands were killed on Capital St when gunman opened up on a crowd of people waving SAVE US signs, and Banners. There is it seems no help coming at all in our greatest time of need.

Next up for the Knights looks to be the first in a series of three games that will most likely hold the fate of the National team. That game is verse the Candelarian and Marquezian team. The other two come later in the second half versus Cassadaigua and Greal. In their first meeting this year the Knights shocked the highly ranked Candelarians 3-1 beating them with their nez mix of offensive and defensive football. This time though it looks to be closer as the Candelarians have come back from that peior in time to a better form. But needless to say the cards will be shown by the players themselves, and predictions are only good when you are looking for some cash.

Blue Tornado Versus The Macabees

Has it really been 3 months since the begining of qualify? The answer of course is yet, but it is still unbelievable that the season is just whipping by so fast. The Three Tornadoe's Angel Kenssington, Ossi Euro, and Jamie Barry as they have been dubbed form one of the most explosive attacking forces in the world and can be used as a model to describe how to attack aggressivly and rue the day for your team. The Tornado are coming.

Game 9 will be versus the Macabees for the Tornado. They have already secumbed to us this season so it looks to be another win up on the scoreboard for the Tornado. This one should be an easy win, even easier the the McLaughin Islands game would have been without pitiful refs. In any case the Tornado are ready for a fight and a fight they will most likely get as the Bees look to upset them from their mid level podium.

As TV montages go it was fairly routine stuff, just a shame about the tone was all. Various shots of blue and white clad footballers of the Autocracy with hands on knees or heads cut with crowd footage of the massed hordes at the Hyppodrome looking bloody miserable as guys (and bears) in various national kits belted in a variety of goals from various angles. All played to the dirge like sound of Gary Jules’ Mad World. Cheerful viewing it wasn’t. Something of a relief then when the big screen in one of the FAH’s boardrooms faded to black.

“That’s quite enough of that.” FAH head honcho Adam Scott tossed aside the remote in disgust. “This isn’t how I saw it panning out. There couldn’t have been more than 30,000 in for the West Zirconia game. And who can blame them? That’s seven defeats in a row. Suggestions, anyone?” He turned to the assembled members of the Autocracy’s hierarchy. “Anyone at all?”

A pudgy man in a rumpled suit spoke up. “Why don’t we just quit. I liked this job better when there wasn’t any international football.”

“When you didn’t have to do anything?”

“Um . . . well, yeah. I guess.”

“Not helping. Get out. Anyone else?”

A taller man spoke next. “Well the national stadium has always been a problem. We’ve never played well there. Move the games somewhere else. Somewhere less intimidating.”

“Intimidating was the point. It was meant to intimidate the opposition. And after the money that’s been spent on it, the Finance Ministry would have my head. And other parts of me I'd rather not do without.”

“It’s Berisha. He’s totally out of his depth." Said a man with a face that suggested he was no stranger to a drink now and then. "He’s never even managed in the Hyper League. Get rid of him and bring in someone who maybe has a clue.”

“Maybe I did underestimate the demands of international management. Maybe someone with a little bit of experience is needed. But if we do bring in someone else Berisha stays as part of the coaching staff. The players like him and that’ll help any transition. Anyone else?”

Silence.

“So that’s it then? Sack the coach and switch venues. Hardly inspirational is it?”

“Well we could look at the league structure." The taller board member spoke again. "A full review into the domestic game from the Hyper League right down to the bottom.”

“Good suggestion unfortunately that could take years. I hate to say it but we need a quick fix. The Autokrator is less than impressed with how this project is going. We were meant to rally the population not depress them even more. He’s starting to take a direct interest in what we’re doing here and rumour has it that he could be at the next home game. So no pressure.”

“Let's face it, nothing we can do now will change this campaign. Maybe someone new could lead to progress in the next one or maybe even the Cup of Harmony. But this is a right off.” The ruddy faced board member punched his finger into the desk to highlight his last point.

“Let’s hope he sees it that way shall we? Fine, well I guess that’s meeting adjourned.”

Scott watched the suits file out before making his way back to his own office. He had never thought it would be like this. Sure he knew they weren’t going to qualify for the damn thing but to have been left this far behind was hard to take. As were the 11 defeats in just 13 matches. But something had to change and although he hated to do it the coach was the first logical step, albeit not one he felt would help all that much. He reached his plush office and sat down, noticing for the first time a calling card left in the centre of his desk. He pulled it into the light and shivered as he read the words . . .

Not going so well is it? But the offer still stands.


* * * * *


Schedule
Frd: Hypocria v The Archregimancy (H) 1 – 2
Frd: Hypocria v Sarzonia (A) 0 – 4
M1: Hypocria v Rennidan (A) 0 – 2
M2: Hypocria v West Zirconia (A) 0 – 0
M3: Hypocria v Lovisa (H) 1 - 3
M4: Hypocria v Yafor 2 (A) 1 - 0
M5: Hypocria v Liventia (H) 1 - 4
M6: Hypocria v Mordavia (A) 0 - 1
M7: Hypocria v Myedvedeya (H) 1 - 4
Frd: Hypocria v Bears Armed (A) 0 - 2
Frd: Hypocria v Krytenia (H) 0 - 1
M8: Hypocria v Rennidan (H) 0 - 2
M9: Hypocria v West Zirconia (H) 1 - 3
M10: Hypocria v Lovisa (A)
M11: Hypocria v Yafor 2 (H)
M12: Hypocria v Liventia (A)
M13: Hypocria v Mordavia (H)
M14: Hypocria v Myedvedeya (A)
Frd: Hypocria v Starblaydia (H)

(from the ‘Sports’ section of ‘The Bear Necessities’…)

BELLES BATTER BUSHDOME!

Bears Armed 2 – 0 Bushdome

Another win for the Bear-Belles, as the team from Bushdome — whose members’ names their government is still keeping secret (!) — came to Plumtrees Park with very little chance of qualifying for the World Cup and went away again after the game with even less.
The Bushdomers seemed to have come here without any hope of winning this actual match, because from the very start of play they followed a purely defensive strategy. That policy looked like paying off for them for quite a while, because by putting all of their efforts into keeping the Belles from scoring they managed to keep the score at 0-0 right through the game’s first half and well into the second half as well. In fact it wasn’t until the 68th minute that Harroya o Redwood, with able assistance from the sisters Karramarsar, finally succeeded in breaking through their “walls” and kicking the ball cleanly past their keeper into the net. The Bushdomers started trying to take the offensive after that, but were unable to even the score… and then, when the Belles counter-attacked, one of the visitors’ defenders fumbled a pass back to their goalie (in the 84th minute) and added to their problems by scoring an ‘own goal’… They basically just gave up after that, but apparently the Belles felt to sorry for them to "punish" them further by scoring any more goals themselves...


(Full details on page ‘S-4’.)

____________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________

Elsewhere in the Group

Qazox won their game too, beating Kosovoe 3-1, and so remain at the top of the group’s table.
That defeat for Kosovoe, coupled with a drawn game between Dancougar and The Macabees, meant that there was no change in any of those teams’ positions in the table either, but that the Bears are now 3 points clear of Dancougar and 5 points clear of Kosovoe with a fairly solid-looking grip on one of the top two out of the group's three qualifying places.
A win for the Invisible Wabbits over The McLaughlin Islands, at the islanders’ home ground, also had no effect on either side’s relative position, so that — although obviously some teams have more points than before, and there have been changes to some teams ‘goal differences’ too -- the actual order of the teams in this group's table today is completely unaltered from what it was a week ago.


(Full analysis on page ‘S-6’.)

The weather was, indeed, sunny. The skies over Albrecht were blanketed only by vast vistas of light consisting predominantly of energy with a wavelength of between four-hundred and forty and four-hundred and ninety nanometres. You could make a case for it being Persian Blue – or Parisian Blue for our Rushmori readers – though in places it tended more towards Cornflower. What it almost certainly wasn’t was Sky Blue, though nature is seldom that thoughtful in any case.

All of this is largely irrelevant, but we haven’t got time to further the Plot or owt today, and it’s clear that the colour of the sky and general quality of the prevailing atmospheric phenomena was an important factor both pre- and post-match, for the visitors to Candelaria at any rate.

It was also unusually warm for Albrecht in early March, but Mark Baker shivered all the same. This simply wasn’t working. Three weeks ago, the Big Blues were on their arses after a comfortable beating at the hands of one of the various assorted Mo Lands. Today, and following a four-nil drubbing of Actvervolging, they were three-nil up over Greal and cruising. Greal were good, for God’s sake! They’d certainly given the Candelariasians a proper game over in Sasha. They were even exploiting the Kenavt Clause and including twelve players in their starting XI. Even at home, even at Solidarity, it shouldn’t be this easy.

And it wasn’t as though he hadn’t tried his best. Though he’d considered it, of course, Baker couldn’t simply stick Nic Lloyd in goal and have Tom Durrant and Christian Fernández Montes leading the line – even in the Candelarias that sort of thing couldn’t be explained away, and certainly not without the assistance of the authorities, all of whom had seemed utterly bemused when the venerable manager had turned up to the last two matches at the apparent invitation of Elgin Dannat himself. They certainly weren’t going to be any help. They didn’t have unusual, toeless women hanging over their beds demanding that they throw football matches.

Or possibly they did. Baker was still uncertain on the matter. He’d managed to dress himself adequately enough this morning, which suggested a certain degree of compos menticity, but memory was still letting him down. He’d been calling Ben Zec ‘José Enrique’ for the past forty-eight hours, and that hadn’t even been on purpose. Perhaps toeless women were simply commonplace. He hadn’t plucked up the courage to ask anyone yet.

In any case, he’d been forced into subtlety – and that he knew. You didn’t study, albeit from a distance, the machinations of the Ministry for Remedial Teaching and its myriad slimy outlets for a decade or more, without picking up a trick or two.

So he’d named a slightly altered starting XI on Dannat’s behalf – not so much that anyone would ask too many questions, just partnering Tom Smith and Abdul Ibadulla, inexplicably dropping Harvey Vavasour for Lawrence Amey, that sort of thing. He’d made sure that they all had thorough instructions on their direct opponents days in advance, as had long been the case under Dannat regimes, but picked said players very carefully. More than a few faces had fallen after the eleven starting Candelariasians had realised that their hours of boning up on the particular skills of a Tony Soaps or Eko Tasser was going to be entirely for nought.

He’d even instituted a zonal marking system.

He was particularly proud of that, since everyone knew that players scored goals, not zones, but… Somehow, it was all unravelling. Oh, they’d looked nervy enough to begin with. Even Niv Cohen, the captain and an old lag with a half-century of caps, had regularly glanced over to the sidelines for reassurance. Dannat and his assistants had made comfortingly opaque hand gestures, as baffled as the players by this turn of events but unwilling to so much as query the will of Mark Baker, the apparently living legend, their light in a time of darkness.

He sat in a corner of the dugout, watching ‘his’ players as they watched him. And they did watch him – looking over at the frail old man every time the ball reached the opposite end of the pitch, like divers coming up for air. And then they’d look up, charge back into the fray, and exert more energy, concentrate harder, work themselves further into the ground, than any of them had for years. Mark didn’t even have to ask them to, they just did it, as a matter of course. The questions – like why a septuagenarian rather than Elgin Dannat seemed to be in charge – could wait for another time. In the here and now, they were Mark Baker’s players, and they’d play for him as for no-one else. Win for him.

Die for him? Lose for him?

They were shrugging off their confusion, working as a team, embracing the damn zonal marking system. Cohen had pointed towards him when he’d found the net, Ibadulla had winked at him after both his goals. And now Zachary Adekunde was on as a substitute, and powering past Richard Turner and Mecca Oma, and scoring a marvellous first international goal, and careering away and storming towards the home dugout with arms outstretched and a big silly grin on his face.

Mark turned his back instead, and within moments had disappeared down the tunnel, allowing Elgin to take the glory. Not that that would satisfy young Zachary, of course. Whatever the perverse reasons behind it, he was a Mark Baker player now. He’d want to celebrate with his manager, not this portly Dannat fellow.

Well… tough. He’d have to wait.

Mark stepped into the showers. It made his shirt and trousers awkwardly wet, but he had Alzheimer’s, for heaven’s sake. If you weren’t allowed to do that sort of thing, what was the bloody point?

He wasn’t alone. A womanly shape welled up in the waters. The experience would’ve been quite hot had either party been at least three decades younger, and as it was Mark merely frowned and counted the toes.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“Don’t apologise. Just sort it! Please Mark, I’ve got my hands full with so much else… You’ve no idea how bad things are getting over here. People are really starting to talk about…” She brushed sodden hair from her eyes and groaned softly. “You know… It just won’t help if we qualify. Please, you’re their manager! You’re Mark Baker, more to the point! They’d do anything for you!”

“I know…”

“So stop them, please… Whatever it takes…”

“But… I don’t know who you are…”

But she was gone, not down the plug-hole, although that would have been cinematically impressive, but merely gone.

He listened alone to the water, and the muted cheers from the away end as Howard Anderson hit a late consolation with Greal.

They’d let one in? With Mark Baker missing from the sidelines? Was that honestly all it took?

They all piled in moments after their final whistle – no clean sheet, granted, but four-one was still a fine result – and they cheered the gaffer as though it were the Second Coming. Which it was, in a sense, albeit without the temple having been built, and whatnot. Mark Baker was Back.

He stood and got wet and stared at the shining faces. No more Mark Baker? Was that all it would take?

“Really wish that bloody toeless bint wasn’t so damn enigmatic,” Mark sighed in resignation to no-one in particular, and turned to the tactics board.

Leading your sports news here on Underground News Channel 802...

Lawn bowls champion faces drug charges.
Sandrian football team have tough assignment.
Field hockey team return from positive campaign.
And rugby league players arrested as raids continue.

But first lawn bowls. Last years National Mens Bowls Champion, Paul Bozroff, has been formally charged after a mandatory drug test taken at the beginning of this season found he was riddled with atleast four substances banned by the Bowls Chapter of Peisandros, as well as three illegal recreation drugs. The chairman of the Bowls Chapter announced yesterday that Mr Bozroff will face a ban of atleast two years from the sport.

"I can confirm that four substances showed up in our tests which are banned. We will have a hearing with Mr Bozroff, but I must stress this a very, very serious incident. The board has begun discussing possible courses of action, but the minimum ban for drugs offences is two years. I can also confirm this morning that we have passed our results on to the police. As we are a recognised sporting authority within Peisandros, our drug samples can be used in court as evidence, so Mr Bozroff may have to answer to the police as well."

And today police did just that, arresting Mr Bozroff at his Delphi home. After being held for two hours where he was accompanied by his lawyer, police released an official statement charging Mr Bozroff on three counts of drug abuse and/or possession. He will head to court early next week, where we will have continued coverage. The spectacular fall from grace

Now to football. The Peisandros National team has a very difficult game coming up. They face group nine leaders Bazalonia. A loss here may just spell the end to any chance the Sandrian boys have of going through. They are already three points behind third placed Kura-Pelland and if they get too far behind now, it will be hard to come back. Our reporter, Stephany Milla, caught up with head coach Alexander Pappas at Colbourne airport.

SM: "So Mr Pappas, a one all draw here in Colbourne, how are the boys feeling after that tough game?"
AP: "Well Steph they're feeling okay. Again we've been lucky with injuries so that's a good thing. It's been a tough few weeks for the boys though. We haven't won since we beat Mantwenic and this game in Bazalonia will be our fourth on the road, so the boys are about ready to get home."
SM:"You must take some confidence from the fact that you're the only team to beat Bazalonia so far?"
AP:"Well we do, but they are at home this time and will really have their guards up. I'm hopeful we can show the passion and intensity we did when we beat them. That would lead to a close game and who knows maybe we can pick up a point."
SM:"Okay well good luck for Bazalonia and the rest of qualifying."
AP:"Thanks Steph, are you coming with us?"
SM:"Umm, yes Mr Pappas, I'll be coming to most of the remaining games."
AP:"Good, I like being interviewed by you."
SM:"Shucks, thanks coach. Well, back to you."

*laughs* thanks Steph. That was Stephany Milla being wooed by Peisandros football head coach Alexander Pappas.

The field hockey team arrived in Olympia today after....

Greali World Cup Qualifying Schedule
MD1: Greal VS Daehanjeiguk (2-2)
MD2: Greal VS Candelaria And Marquez (2-3)
MD3: Greal VS Mo Land 3 (4-0)
MD4: Greal VS Achtervolging (1-1)
MD5: Greal VS Cassadaigua (1-0)
MD6: Greal VS Taeshan (3-2)
MD7: Greal VS Albundania (3-1)
MD8: Greal VS Daehanjeiguk (0-2)
MD9: Greal VS Candelaria And Marquez (1-4)
MD10: Greal VS Mo Land 3
MD11: Greal VS Achtervolging
MD12: Greal VS Cassadaigua
MD13: Greal VS Taeshan
MD14: Greal VS Albundania

Greal VS Mo Land 3 Preview

Greal will be playing Mo Land 3 today. This is the crucial match. If it loses, then Greal will most likely never make it to qualifying. If the Greali win, then it'll beef up what little wins they managed to get. Mo Land 3 will be a potentially tough team. They have beaten Candelaria And Marquez once to the surprise of the entire group, so they let everyone know they're still dangerous. Ross Trent confirmed the media's speculation that he is thinking about leaving the team. He has not given a reason why, but many soccer associations are calling for him to stay with the team. Greal will play with standard formation today. Television service estimates a number of people will be streaming back to watch today's match.

In other matches...

Achtervolging will be playing Cassadaigua today

Taeshan will be playing Candelaria And Marquez.

Albundania has the misfortune of playing Daehanjeiguk.

-------------------------------------------------------------

"We're playing Mo Land 3 today." said Ross, sounding disappointed.

"Cheer up, these guys are the underdogs this time." said Brian, cheerfully.

"Well, they might be more dangerous then we think."

"Don't worry. Just watch the match." said Brian.

"Where is Ethan?" asked Jeff.

"He was too busy to join us. Something about him being a lawyer."

"He's a lawyer?" asked Roger, a surprised look on his face.

"Yeah, a very good one too." reported Brian again.

"He never told me."

"He told me only this morning."

"Previews are starting." said Ross, glad that this conversation was over.

“Yes, terrible shame about the Han Emperor passing away. He seemed like a good man.”

“He was wasn't he? Shall I put out an offer of condolence to the Han people for you?”

President Kirsty McDonnell sat for a moment, debating in her head to say yes or no. As she did so she gazed out of the window in the Presidential office across the Southern River that weaved through the heart of Beningrad. On this she spotted a swan floating gently under a bridge, something which seemingly bought her back into the room.

“No I don't think so. I didn't like him that much, and there's more pressing issues for us to deal with. There's been a revolution in Green Island I understand?”

Candelario Gomez, President McDonnell's senior advisor for Candelaria And Marquez nodded gently. Gomez himself was someone for whom Green Island meant a lot to. Espicially as he had been born in Zapata to a Sorthern-Marquezian-Northlandish-Candelarisian family. The revolution was something he was unsure of, something which perhaps came across as he sighed, “Yes, indeed there has been one. They appear to have tried to distance themselves from Candelaria And Marquez. They even have a goose as their Deputy Prime Minster.”

McDonnell was visibly shaken by the last statement and quietly whispered “A goose?”.

“Yes a greylag called Smokey I believe.”

“For the love of Margaret! Geese are getting into positions of power now? We're doomed!”

“It's only Green Island. Although I suppose that Terra Anatidae is a bit concerning as well.”

“Terra who?”

“Terra Anatidae. It's a nation that was recently founded in the Rushmore region. It's basically a nation of anatidae. They probably have links with the Green Island revolution. I hear the Green Island parliament building has been flooded to make it nicer for swans, geese and ducks.”

“I see. Hmm well how about we invade Taeshan?”

“Er.. how will that help the anatidae situation?”

“It won't, but someone might planning something, and the Taeshanese people are begging to be 'saved' and it could be a bit of fun.”

“Er, right, well in that case then.”

WORLD CUP 39 - GLOBO MULTIMEDIA'S ARCHIVE
Matchday 3 of World Cup 39's Group Stage

"And look at this... what seemed to be a perrrrrrrfect campaign for Cafundéu in this Worrrrrrld Cup, being able to defeat even Capitalizt SLANI, now is coming to an end with a surrrrrrprrrrrrising loss against Casarrrrrri! The supporrrrrrterrrrrrs can't believe this is happening, everrrrrything seemed to be fine, but now it's all collapsing in frrrrrront of them! The coach Frrrrrranz Brrrrrraddock, in his fifth Worrrrrld Cup with Cafundéu, finds it difficult to believe two, even with his experrrrrriences... with two wins, and six points, Cafundéu is being eliminated frrrrrrom grrrrrrroup stage. It looks like I'm living in a silent film, the crrrrrrowd is completely quiet. Brrrrrraddock must be thinking that he should have done what he prrrrrromised last cup: to rrrrrrretirrrrrrre frrrrrrrom football. He decided to rrrrrrreturrrrrrrn because the supporrrrrrterrrrrrrs plead, but this loss will prrrrrrobably be too much for him, and I bet he will finally rrrrrrresign, this time in a definitive way, unlike last time. I'm not a prrrrrrophet or a stone age man, but I know what I am talking about, and this loss won't go unnoticed by the CCFM, especially after all the confusion durrrrrring the last Worrrrrld Cup.

"If you just turrrrrrned on your television rrrrrright now, you arrrrrre watching the end of Cafundéu's campaign in Worrrrrld Cup thirrrrrty-nine. If I don't explain what you ought to know you won't get it. Casarrrrri defeated the Monopolists, which finished in the thirrrrrrd place of the grrrrrroup with nine points. That's it. Now the playerrrrrrrs arrrrrrre leaving the field, and also the coach Frrrrrrranz Brrrrrraddock, who decided to give another chance for the National Team, but the team failed again. The Casarrrrrri playerrrrrrs arrrrrrre commemorrrrrating, of courrrrrrrse, while the whole Cafundelense population is surrrrrrprrrrrrised by this loss, which wasn't expected. The CCFM announced that this would prrrrrrobably be Cafundéu's best perrrrrrforrrrrmance in worrrrrld cup historrrrry. They lied. The lesson they'll learrrrrn now is to don't deceive with belief. It can be a long rrrrrrroad beforrrrrre the Cafundelenses rrrrrreturrrrrn to trrrrrrust in their National Team. Look at Marrrrrrrcelinho, crrrrrrying. What about Flecha, extrrrrrremely frrrrrustrrrrrrated by the team's loss... and now the coach will talk:"

REPORTER - "It's a bad situation, isn't it? You retired last cup, but decided to return now, and faced a hard loss again... can you describe to us what is happening inside your head right now?"

BRADDOCK - "I'm sinking in the quicksand of my thought."

REPORTER - "Did you have expectations for this team?"

BRADDOCK - "Oh, yes, I did... I was hopeful that the team could reach an advanced stage this time... they didn't play badly, we just had bad luck."

REPORTER - "What about your future now? Will you continue..."

BRADDOCK - "No. Returning from retirement was a mistake, and now I'll return to it forever. I think my time as a football coach has ended. I ain't got the power anymore. I used to transform teams, from the worst to the best... I guess I am a bit outdated right now."

REPORTER - "We are sorry to hear this, we all respect you for your history and character."

BRADDOCK - "Thanks... but this time I went too far... thought that my talent was limitless..."

REPORTER - "Do you have any advice for Cafundéu's next coach?"

BRADDOCK - "Don't believe in yourself."

REPORTER - "Don't you think this is too pessimistic?"

BRADDOCK - "Well, I meant that you can't have too many expectations, don't plan too much success... because if you don't get it, the frustration will be immense."

“Emperor, it appears that Taeshan has fell under a dictatorship in a coup, and their people are looking for help from foreign sources.”

“Right. Next order of business, who keeps eating the dandelions?”

“They're Communists, sire.”

“COMMUNISTS!” The Emperor yelled, jumping to his feet. “The Communists are eating my dandelions? Well, this is an outrage, I ought to-”

“No, sire, they're the ones who have took over in Taeshan.”

The Emperor stopped for a minute, opened his drawer and immediately found a map of Taeshan. “Bomb here, here and here!” He said, pointing at whatever notable monuments had caught his eye and didn't look like they could be stolen and put in a area of Fort Boston Park set aside for 'war trophies'.

“Right, sire. What's also interesting is that the Septentrionians have requested a meeting to discuss the matter.”

“The Septentrionians? Didn't they strand me on an island once?”

“It was their island, and they stranded you in Cafundeu. You still owe them a lot of money, actually.”

“Oh. Right, send Cafundeu a box of chocolates to say sorry, and tell the Septentrionians we accept their meeting, and it'll be held on FIDA Isle. While you're at it, tell the admin teams to sort out some fancy accommodation in one of the top hotels. Not the best one, obvious, I'll be staying in that.”

“Right you are, sire.” Haelwen said, turned, and walked out of the room.

Matchday 10 results (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14598458&postcount=13) are now up.

The Emperor was on his private jet, making his way to FIDA Isle. Haelwen approached him from the back of the plane, walking down the aisle.

“Sire.. some late news has just reached us.” Haelwen said gravely.

“Yes, Haelwen?”

“The former Emperor of Daehanjeiguk has died.”

Emperor Boston turned and looked out of the window. “Funeral?”

“Already taken place. His ashes were scattered at sea as per tradition.”

“I missed it..” the Emperor said, with regret obvious in his voice. “I always had a good relationship with the Imperial Court, especially the Gwangmu Emperor.”

“Yes, sire.” Haelwen said, not mentioning any of the incidents that came to mind.

“Prepare a communique to the new Han Emperor. Tell him that the Bostopian court is deeply sorry for his loss, and that we regret we could not attend any services in person. Inform that the Han Emperor and any family he may have will always be welcome in Bostopia, and that we would be delighted to receive him at a future moment. I'll sign it myself if you'd bring it to me once written out?”

“Yes, of course sire. Also, sire, the sushi chef requested a leave of absence to return home for the duration of the time you're on FIDA Isle, which I granted.”

“Absolutely correct. Thank you, Haelwen.” The Emperor said, still gazing out of the window at the redness of the clouds as the sun set in the evening sky.

Purple Knights Draw Candelaria

In the list of most boring possible scores in Soccer the top is 0-0. This is followed by in second place a 1-1 draw. That is exactly what the Knights did in their second game against the team from Candelaria who in there first meeting the Knights had defeated the older Candelarians by a whoping three to nothing margin. 2 months seemeds to have made a difference though as the Candelarian side who looked to have lost concentation going into the last game came in last night and put lots of pressure on the ball compared to the last game the two played.

This game of course is part of the numerous games that was originally scheduled as firendly. The two teams had been playing each other for a few years now in competition and apart from last years break due to full friendly slots the two teams have had a tough competition of sorts between themselves. Those games of course were usually won by the higher ranked better teams from Candelaria, but at least this year after Brian Ying Uings late tieing goal in the 77th the Knights did not lose a single game to the Candelarians.

Blue Tornado Smash The Macabees

Sweet vengeance. After losing to the Qazian team last week in Phoenixdome the Tornado made a trip back home or to the Macabees and beat the living crap out of them with a 4-0 throttling. In one of their best ever offensive games the Tornado smashed the ball into the nets once for every 22 and a half minutes of regular playing time. The win though comes at a time when ,many other teams also won so the Tornado are still on the outside looking in at qualification.

The Tornado just out shot the Macabeean team period. The game was never even halfway close really being a game. The Tornado just passed the ball among themselves ninety percent of the game, and shot the other 10 percent. The Maccabees only had the ball for free kicks and such all game wee the Tornado would just steal it away and shoot again. Angel Kensington scored the first goal in the 25th minute. Ossi Euro would find the net in the 5oth minute, and Jamie Barry would make it one for all three of the Flyin' Tornado's with his goal in the 60th. Euro added his second of the game in the 8oth minute on an Angel Kensington assist.

Jeruselem Government News

Jeru FC defy Friday 13th while Jeruselem don't

It's Friday the 13th? How can we tell, the Blouman Empire beat Jeruselem 1-0 at home and Jeru FC beat the Elves 1-0 at home.

Jeruselem travelled to the Blouman Empire expecting to win but the day was a bit of disaster. Marie's kids had to taken to hospital for something, meaning Marie didn't play for the game. Keeper Kaz Raine didn't play the game either due to some idiot at the airport slamming her fingers on the female toilet door by accident. Oksana Ferris was getting unpleasant hot flushes and couldn't play either. The Jeruselem team bus arrived late at the stadium after getting held up when a grandmother swerved to miss a black cat and flattered a sign post.

The game followed the off-field dramas with referee determined to give Jeruselem a goal, finding any reason to disallow goals. The local Blouman Empire team didn't fare that much better only scoring the one winning goal and also had a few goals disallowed for weird frivolous reasons as well. It didn't help matters when a thunderstorm dumped rain on the players and football fans. Ryan Greenly who is diplomatic about most things slammed the game referee and the local Blouman fans didn't seem to happy about ref either even if the team had won. This mainly due to the referee handing out yellow cards for things to both teams that most referees ignore.

Poor Oksana Ferris's day was complete when she found out a black cat had killed and eaten her favourite duck Marie at home. Pups was very upset and vowed to have a new favourite duck. She also vowed all black cats on her farm to be fed to the local vultures.

Jeru FC had a different day. It didn't start well for Jeru FC with keeper being replaced after being hit on the head with a large bottle when running on the field. The offender got arrested by military police and tasered after trying to escape, knocking over a pregnant Mum along the way. The trauma was bit too much for her and she gave birth on the spot. Her first name was Kate, same as Kate Dallas who wore the Jeruselem number 13, now worn by Marie. The kid was named Elly.

Jeru FC fought hard to keep a clean sheet. The Elves seemd to be suffering the Friday the 13th-ism and not scoring. They found every way not to score against the Jeru FC team and the Cannons were looking at getting a hard fought draw. Young Kaye redeemed herself as she was sent off last game but this was corrected as the wrong person got carded.

Sporting a head injury when she ran into the side fencing, she charged down the field like a maniac. Her teammates were too tired to follow and she was dodging, weaving and ducking around the place avoiding the defense doing everything to get the penalty area. She ran past the surprised keeper to score a classic goal.

Valanora attacked but had no luck with Jeru FC adopting System Karela in desperate bid to keep the three points. They held out and it was a famous victory. Looks like Elune and Maggie abandoned the Elves today.

Saint Nash Courier
If you haven't heard it before, It's News to you!
SPORTS
Pheonix near World Cup berth... once again.

A 4-0 blasting of Invisible Wabbits, was lead by the 2nd goals for both Brent Folks and Reginald Gillispie just 4 minutes apart in the 1st half, and goals by Kenworthy and Swords just 6 minutes apart early in the 2nd half. The win kept Qazox 3 points ahead of Dancougar and Bears Armed and 5 point ahead of Kosovoe in the race to qualify.

Up next for Qazox is a trip to Bears Armed, and with a win, Qazox would just about clinch a World Cup berth, as they would own the tie-breakers over both Bears Armed and Dancougar, and would most likely advance over Kosovoe based on overall GD.

But first things first, Qazox needs to at worst draw with the Ursines of Bears Armed to stay ahead of the 2nd placed team in this group.


Scoring Summary:
Qazox:
Brent Folks (2)- 13'
Reginald Gillispie (2)- 17'
Angel Kenworthy (7)- 52'
Matilda Swords (8)- 58'

Invisible Wabbits:
none

It's a process.

Brian Wilson tried to tell himself that over and over. He'd heard it from his father. He'd even heard it from a janitor.

It's a process.

Within that process, there'd be the ups. A team that stood toe-to-toe with the world's number one ranked team twice and earned draws both times. A team that earned a clean sheet against the world's 11th ranked side and a shocking win. But there would also be the downs. Five-nil away to world No. 3 Cafundéu. Four-nil at home against world No. 21 Sorthern Northland.

And now, this. For the second consecutive match against the world's No. 118 ranked side, the Stars couldn't get a single goal past Greston. Their defence shut down the Greston offence, but the Stars now faced a 202-minute goal scoring drought. The team that once set a record for the longest stretch between conceding goals now couldn't score to save its life.

With that, Wilson knew his team's chances were effectively done. Sure, the team could mathematically make up six points against third place Yafalonia and Bazor 2 and advance. But they would first need help to do it, but more importantly, they would have to show the kind of form they hadn't all tournament.

He faced the usual gamut of questions including the scribes wondering why the new three-forward offence wasn't generating goals. He answered them as patiently as he ever answered questions, methodically explaining tactical moves and outlining his hopes for the Stars. But he knew if this were another time, his job would be very much in jeopardy.

After the press conference ended, his mobile phone rang. He answered it.

"Brian Wilson."

"Brian, it's Dad."

"What's happening?"

"I'm stepping down as IFF chairman, effective at the conclusion of World Cup XLV qualifying."

"Why?"

"I believe it's time for me to let another generation handle the administrative duties of Sarzonian football."

"So where does that leave me?"

"Get ready for this," Dave Wilson said. "And no, I'm not joking."

Uh oh.

"Provided, of course, that you want the job, the IFF is offering you the chairmanship."

"What?"

"You heard correctly."

"Then who is going to manage the national team?"

"I suppose Brett will have right of first refusal."

"He's managing the Under 21s."

"We can elevate Chris Merrill to Under 21 manager."

"What about Kevin?"

"If Brett decides to take another job or he, for some reason, turns down the senior job, we'll offer Kevin the position. What do you think?"

"I think I'm going to need time to process this."

After he hung up the phone, Brian sank in his chair and stared at his desk. The highs and lows were starting to age him, seemingly faster than his father aged when he served as national team manager. Of course, times were different then.

Better luck in Two Years, Man.

With the Tar Hornets 2-0 loss at Septentrionia the team falls 4 points off of the last qualification spot with four matches to go. Unfortunately those four matches include games at Milchama and Prux and a game at home against Akbarabad who's only one point out of qualifying. So our chances of going to the World Cup are once again dashed, but we had fun didn't we?

No, not really? Half the country's still sick with the flu, those four points that we're behind Septentrionia are the same four points that we gave away by tying Rymeria twice, our Goalie coach is in jail and we're still going to under-achieve in epic fashion. Not to mention that there are rumors of a giant amount of match-fixing, and other things related to the moving of the MD 2 match to Arroza from Govindia. And bribery to the Rymerians to have them choose Arroza as their home even though we're in their group and that it would give us an extra home game? [A home game which we still couldn't win].

Hmm....so maybe we are stinking it up this time around. But hopefully we can at least wreck some other people's bids for greatness.

Hellispont Times-Herald
Staying Alive

A 1-0 win over Dariusville, put the latter at the brink of elimination, while Green wombat has, for now, closed to within 1 point of Krytenia. John Daig scored the only goal, in the 82nd minute to avoid the 0-0 tie.

Up next for the Wombats is a trip to Garlano, while the other 3 teams the wombats are chasing play the bottom of the group, so no points can be lost in this trip. This is a trap game as in two weeks, The Holy Empire, currently 2nd in the group, come to town.

Prux@WC45.com
Adverts Draw Close to Berth

2 goals from Smokey Bear and two goals from Milchama's striker in the first 38 minutes lead most to beleive it would be one of those classic 5-4 shoot-outs. That didn't happen, but Prux did hold on for the 2-2 draw with the group leaders, keeping them still only 2 points off Milchama's pace. With just 4 games left, the Adverts have a 5 point lead over 4th place Akbarabad

Luckily for Akbarabad, the teams DO NOT meet next week, but in two weeks. Prux has to travel to Govindia, a team they beat 6-1 at home earlier in qualifying. The Adverts should have little trouble doing that again, and move a step closer to qualifying for the World Cup again.


Prux World Cup 45 Qualifying Schedule:

(all Home Matches to be played the hopefully completed Griffin Stadium in Pawtucket, Prux, Capacity 67,500, Pics not available at this time.)
@ Ierissos D 1-1
vs. Rymeria W 5-3
@ Milchama L 1-2
vs. Govindia W 6-1
@ Akbarabad W 2-0
vs. Septentrionia W 4-3
@ Arroza W 2-0
vs. Ierissos W 1-0
@ Rymeria W 1-0
vs. Milchama D 2-2
@ Govindia
vs. Akbarabad
@ Septentrionia
vs. Arroza
(RECORD 7-2-1)


Meet a Pruxian (Part 7 of an 11-part Series)

Eric "The Executioner" Fowler, Utero
Pic: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/c/cd/Jack_McDowell_Qatar_2a.jpg/200px-Jack_McDowell_Qatar_2a.jpg
Age: 43
Sex: Male
Occupation: 'Retired' Professional Wrestler

3 Questions with Eric Fowler:

Q1: So, Eric, what's your favorite move in the ring?

A: The Headless Horseman! (ed note: The Headless Horseman was Eric's finisher in the ring, a standing inverted cross-face chicken-wing)

Q2: Who was your most hated opponent in the ring?

A: That's a tough one. I guess it would be Jack "Il Guido" Suarez, we never really got along to well.
(Jack "Il Guido" Suarez pic: )
http://tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:OpPkAgZSpe58LM:http://www.jewornotjew.com/img/people/david_cone.jpg

Q3: Are you really retired or is it a wrestling retirement?

A: I'm taking some time off to see my kids graduate from high school and to rehab a neck injury. You'll see the "The Executioner" back in the PWF soon enough!


(ooc: No, the pics aren't supposed to be the same, or else the joke wouldn't work. A happy point for the reasoning behind the 2 pics I am using for each posting... and yes this running gag will last as long as I last in the World Cup or someone determines the reason (Another relatively easy one for you all! Start guessing now, please!)

Narrow victory keeps Akbarabad on course.


(Akbarabad Press, AP): A narrow and unconvincing 3-2 away victory over bottom side Ierissos kept Akbarabad within touching distance of a world cup qualifying spot. The team next host top side Milchama, to whom they had earlir lost by 1-0 away. A good result, including perhaps a win would be great way to catch up to the top 3 teams and world cup spot that has been gradually getting away from the team after a bright start to the campaign.

Brian Carson sat in his Pocono City living room. This was tough for him, watching the Rockets on TV. He hadn’t attended either of the team’s two home qualifying games, because he didn’t want to be a distraction to the team. He holds no grudges about the decision to fire him from the team. They were 1-3-3 in the first leg of a qualifying effort that the Empire expected to end in success. He called Nelson Yaschter after the two previous games to congratulate him on the victories. He still wants to be on good terms with the new coach, and has offered to be of assistance. However, this is assistance that Yaschter has yet to ask for. Another vintage Newmanistan second half charge could be looming, as the Rockets defeated Urna Eletronica in Loudon by the score of 2-0, making it eight goals for and three clean sheets for the Yaschter-led team. Maybe it was against weaker opponents, but those same opponents he could only find draws against.

“Sarah, get me a beer, please.” He asked his wife. The match was just about to begin. “The 4-4-2 again, I can’t believe we’re using four midfielders. I can’t believe he’s using Kevin Taylor in the middle like this. We’ve never been this formidable in the midfield!” he shouted. Sarah Carson just nodded. Her husband had shouted that about three times in each of the last two games and knew that today was going to be no different. “Loughran’s going to play all ninety again.” She said, beating her husband to the punch. Brian still acted like a coach in the living room as he watched the game, calling players stupid for their bad plays our shouting out compliments when they did something well just as he would from the sidelines, and it was no different for the referees and linesman. “Bullshit that wasn’t off of Carrigan! Our ball damn it!” he exclaimed. Yes, this is what his wife needed to put up with as before she knew it, Brian had been on his fifth beer. Or was it his sixth, she lost count. He never used to drink like this.

“I don’t want to go back to Pocono City. Do you think I should go back to Pocono City? I don’t know if I should.” A rambling drunken question as Sarah, for the fourth time told him that he should go back to prove that he could still coach in the Empire, just as Jennifer Vilardi finally broke that scoreless draw in the 62nd minute. “There you go Jenny! Yes!” he exclaimed as Sarah applauded. On his seventh beer, Carson passed out by the 75th minute. He did not see the 84th score by Billy Prescott, who is really taking a liking to this new style of Nelson Yaschter. They said Yaschter was good for young players. No surprise then that Prescott and Loughran are really shining right now. For Brian Carson, it will be difficult rest of qualifying, but he insists that he is hoping that the team will qualify.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

To: “Pups”
From: Billy Prescott
Re: Sorry


Sweetie, I am so sorry to hear what happened to Marie. I know how much you loved that duck. I loved it as well, but not as much as I love you of course! Maybe we can go out together and get a new one that might be almost as nice as Marie. You guys are doing really well even though you lost to the stupid Blowmen. You know that my dad had a really nasty history with the Blouman Empire. They hated him, but it was really out of jealousy because I guess like Newmanistan is 7-for-7 against them. They used to call my dad “Pussycott” and stupid stuff like that, but he always got the last laugh on them. I’m surprised that they beat you but I think you guys will qualify ok.

Things have been pretty stressful around here with the coaching change, but we have won three in a row! Coach is giving me such a bigger role now and I have scored a goal in each of the last three games! I think we kinda like not having Brett Carlson in the lineup, he can be kinda selfish with the ball. We play the Monks next on that small little field they have. Then we got Vephrall at home. I guess then we will know if we have a chance!

Talk to ya soon babe!
Billy

http://img134.imageshack.us/img134/7993/dailyturkjo0.png
Koseli Cumhuriyetler 0–2 Jasīʼyūn
Defensive Horror
Two defensive errors allowed Jasi'yun to jump into third place with the Turks falling to 5th, but a win against Jeru FC would allow them to atleast leapfrog their opponents.

The game started badly, twice as Orhan dropped the ball from a cross into the path of a striker and then was beaten again within a minute.

The Turks tried to fight back but failed to find the spark to set it off. The defeat leaves the Turks in a dangerous position in 5th place with just 2 points between them and second.

Captain: Win Every Game
Serkan Turkmen beleives that the Turks will have to get a result in every game from now on in order to have the certainty of qualifying. "The two most important are Jeru FC and Secristan who are our last remaining rivals for second and third. We can't slip up at Forn Parts and we need something, anything from Valanora in order to secure a place.

The Turks currently lie 2 points off second place, playing them next.

Greali World Cup Qualifying Schedule
MD1: Greal VS Daehanjeiguk (2-2)
MD2: Greal VS Candelaria And Marquez (2-3)
MD3: Greal VS Mo Land 3 (4-0)
MD4: Greal VS Achtervolging (1-1)
MD5: Greal VS Cassadaigua (1-0)
MD6: Greal VS Taeshan (3-2)
MD7: Greal VS Albundania (3-1)
MD8: Greal VS Daehanjeiguk (0-2)
MD9: Greal VS Candelaria And Marquez (1-4)
MD10: Greal VS Mo Land 3 (4-1)
MD11: Greal VS Achtervolging
MD12: Greal VS Cassadaigua
MD13: Greal VS Taeshan
MD14: Greal VS Albundania

Greal overpowers Mo Land 3...again

The Greali won over Mo Land 3 in a morale boosting game of 4-1, with Mo Land 3 managing to get off one goal. Howard Anderson scored twice while Michael Istoma and Sebastian Expan each took one goal. Francis Volodisla was injured during the match and had to be taken out for the rest of the match. Ross Trent said his team didn't want to prove anything with the 4 scores. They just wanted to win and move on with the next team. Greali television service reported an estimated 1.3 billion viewers watched the match. Next opponent will be Achtervolging. Only four matches to go.


Greal: 4
Howard Anderson (56') (32')
Sebastian Expan (86')
Michael Istoma (12')

Mo Land 3: 1

Meanwhile, only six teams have a chance to get into the three qualifying spots with Mo Land 3 also eliminated.

Cassadaigua brutally destroyed Achtervolging 5-1, despite the fact Achtervolging scored one goal.

Candelaria And Marquez and Taeshan drew 1-1, probably a disappointment but at least they didn't lose.

Albundania lost their tenth straight match. This time The Han Empire did the battering, winning 4-0 over Albundania.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

"YAHOO! 4-1. That was some incredible scoring." said Brian pulling out packs of beer.

"Too bad I didn't see it." said Ethan.

"Who is our next opponent?" asked Roger

Ross looked at the list,"Achtervolging. We have to count the fact that we drew with them last time, but they've been taking some heavy beatings."

"The qualifying stage has four more matches to go. Its going to be tough. Everyone wants to qualify." said Ethan.

"Yes, exactly."

"Ok, I bet a narrow win." said Ethan.

"How much?"

"Five hundred."

"You Brian?"

Brian pretended to think about it, "Outright win, eight hundred dollars."

"Impressive betting there."

"I'll take a draw." said Roger.

"How much?"

"Six hundred."

"Narrow win for me." reported Jeff, not bothering to look up from the TV set.

"How much?"

"Four hundred. I'm going light today."

"And I'll bet a narrow win and five hundred dollars." said Ross, writing the entire thing into his little red notebook.

"Where do we meet?" asked Brian, finishing his first beer.

"The bar three blocks down from my house." said Ethan before Ross could say anything.

Courtney’s Space

Phillip I. Grant, the president of Men’s Equality Now, or MEN, wrote me an e-mail claiming to be offended by comments that I made in my last blog when I said “Keep your stupid politicial shit out of our games please!” Maybe I could have been a little more tactful, but the thought still stands. Here is an excerpt from that mail:

“Courtney, I can’t believe that you would refer to the Men’s Rights Movement as being just a bunch of political shit. You have claimed to be a supporter of our cause, but after that kind of disrespectful comment towards the entire male gender, you really ought to be ashamed of yourself. As the captain of our soccer team which is competing on the world’s biggest stage, you are a person that Cassadagans look up to, so when you made this comment I was highly offended. We are striving to attain equal rights for men across the country so I think this is more then just a bunch of what you called, ‘political shit’. As for why we made the statement in which we did in your game against the third Mo Land, you need to remember your role in the country. All of Cassadaigua is paying attention to what you group of ladies are doing. Therefore it creates an enormous stage for us to voice our message, but just to Cassadagans, but to the world. The whole world will notice what we did, and the leaders of these countries can see Cassadaigua for what it really is, a nation that exploits men. A practice that must be stopped. I would really appreciate it if you would take back that statement, and make a public apology.”

Sorry, Phil, I am not going to take back my statement. I support your cause. I will go on record as saying that, which I have already anyway. When I play in Candelaria And Marquez professionally as well as in Tenderville, Nethertopia, I see two societies in which men and women have equal rights, or at least pretty close to it. Those societies seem to be flourishing. I do believe that one day men will have equal rights in Cassadaigua. Having said that, our World Cup qualifying games are not the place for public statements and protests. Yes, the whole world is paying attention, but that is because there are many countries that have an interest in winning this World Cup. They care about soccer. They couldn’t care less about the political environment in our country. So maybe you have a stage, but there’s no one listening to you talk. So what good is it? Plus, I never said there was something wrong with your organization staging a protest outside the stadium. It was when you all opted to charge the field that we took offense. What you accomplished is letting the rest of the world think negatively about your organization.

Oi vey! Well as you saw last night, we had a very strong performance against Achtervolging, beating them rather handily by the score of 5-1, and Stacie Kerrigan had a huge game for us. Stacie got herself a hat trick, and I am told that I get assists on two of those goals. I generally don’t pay too much attention to how many assists I have, if the ball is behind the other keeper and in the net, I am happy. I did score one goal, and Erika Daniels, in her role as a substitute scored one late in the game. We controlled this match from the beginning, jumping out to the 3-0 lead after 30 minutes, and 3-1 at halftime. My goal, four minutes into the second half erased any comeback thoughts that they may have had in the locker room. This victory means is that we went 6-0-0 in the six games of qualifying against the teams ranked below us. Throw in the win we got against the Han, and the draw with Taeshan, and all of the sudden we are in a pretty good position right now. But stop it!! Do not think like that!! We cannot get overconfident! Despite being 7-1-2, and being very happy with the things have gone in the first ten games, we still have four games left to play, and all of them are against good opponents. We have looked good, but the mission is not complete. Our next game in the Han Empire will feature two sides that are playing very well right now. The Han were not exactly happy with the way that we won that match, and we were not happy with their cheap style of play late in that game. There could be the potential for something to boil over, I suppose, but I don’t really think that’s going to happen. A win here would just be so big for us. We did it before, we can do it again.

Dancougar News!! Road Report
Don't try to kill us with a forklift!

Black Wings like totally win against Bushdome: We beat Bushdome 3-1 the other day since they're like the one team in this group we can score goals against. And we're still getting it done with defense. We've only given up two goals since that first game, so seriously, just a little offense and we would be destroying people that aren't Qazox in the opening game. You see what I did there, Tim, I used those fact thingies you love. In style!

But yeah, so my beloved Karen Stadler was out with a concussion and is probably down for one more game, too, since King's Eleven is all mad and junk that she's injured and can't help them not suck in the league. So we had to hope those other guys weren't going to screw this up, like, again. You know who I mean, that Stefan guy who plays with J-Mac and that other dude who plays for the rich guy overseas, what's his face Dennin. These guys friggin' need nicknames. Referring to them by last time is full of tedious fail.

Hey, get off the keybow23uofjer
QWE

Apologies, but a quick summary of the game is in order to spare you all having to continue to read Rob's dull writing. Rest assured he is in perfect health, although he will return to consciousness with a headache and possibly a lump or two. But having fielded your comments from the previous report, I will reduce my detailed match reports to the main scoring events, listed herewith:


19th minute: Stefan Rosberg received a pass from Dan Florentino and, after drawing the 'keeper out of his box, beat him with a low shot to the inside post.
26th minute: Bushdome replied with a free kick over the wall, and Brengle was surprised and beaten when it took a late dip under the crossbar.
37th minute: Florentino punched in a shot from 25 yards that took a slight deflection as it passed through the eighteen-yard box.
81st minute: Alexei Voronzoff sealed the victory by converting a Lyle Dylandy corner kick, as he was gifted a free header at the far post.


My full report is available on the webpage for those interested, and it features a breakdown of the action in ten-second intervals and has my own comments on the officiating given a side-by-side comparison to the rules as written. Hey, how are you still already awakaw3r2vn20[ fmlsdsowqe

Duuuuuuuuuuude, I was just getting to the good part!

Posted on the sports blog He's Had An Absolute Holocaust.

To be fair to the referee, he's a complete twat
Posted by MetaNarrativesFTL

So, after tonight's defeat all the talking heads are going on about how if any of the 3rd place contenders win, that's it, and we're out of it. No chance of qualifying. BIG DEAL. This is a football tournament not a statistics convention, and I wish everyone would just put away their pocket calculators and start concentrating on the actual game.

It was a bad defeat to Terreiro de Ogum and I won't deny that, but the referee had a bit of a shocker and everyone knows it. We needed a bit of luck, especially after finally seeing it through against Noasahi, and instead we got iffy calls. He bollocksed up the offside, and Roger deserved AT MOST a booking for that tackle, but never a red card, especially so early in the game.

So, that means he's out again on suspension. Should he come back? I think so. Yes, he hasn't scored a lot of goals, but Jess got another one tonight, that's 10, which is good for a midfielder, and Dennis can certainly finish. Roger just needs confidence, and it's not like we have anyone to take his place anyway. Benny Azzinio, with no goals in 46 games? Hello?

Another thing that annoys me is how everyone keeps saying that Jerry Dixon needs to go. Let me tell you, if Arlo Cockbadger is appointed head coach it'll be a disaster for Quodite football. The players are too friendly with him; Jerry can impose discipline, and he has the respect of the older players. And stop with the retirement speculation already! Alfred Cynus played a few World Cups ago, and he was 52. Just because Freddy had one minor injury niggle doesn't mean he suddenly needs a zimmeframe.

So, what now? Well, I think the QFA has to try to get us into the Cup of Harmony. If we can build up more experience - and get our players better exposure outside the World Cup scene - then we'll stand a much better chance. For the moment, blame it on the man in black.

"Hello, are you still there? Hello? Hello?" Shrugging, an Ursine put a telephone down on the desk in front of him and turned to face another Ursine who was standing looking out of one of their office's windows.
"That was a strange one, Orras," he remarked.

"How so, Boris?"

"Well, this caller -- probably a human of some sort, by the sound of his voice -- wanted to know whether we'd changed our initials recently. I told him yes, we had, and he seemed quite pleased... but when I told him that it was from 'BSF' which stood for 'Bearish Sports Foundation' to 'BFSA' which stands for 'Bearish Foundation for Sporting Advances', he suddenly got very upset. He asked whether I was sure that that wasn't the other way around, and when I insisted that I was certain of the fact he just screamed and hung up!"

World Cup 45 Qualification - Group 2
PRQ: 1-3@ Newmanistan [32] (@ Putnam Lake Stadium, Putnam Lake - ???)
MD1: 2-2 @ Greal [43] (@ who knows where?)
MD2: 1-0 @ Taeshan [31] (@ %$#^)
MD3: 2-0 @ Albundania [UNK] (@ here?)
MD4: 2-3@ Cassadaigua [50] (@ pink!)
MD5: 2-1 vs Candelaria And Marquez [15] (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong - 150,000)
MD6: 1-0 @ Mo Land 3 [141] (@ gemme moland!)
MD7: 4-1 vs Achtervolging [98] (@ Dynasty Imperial Football Stadium, Namgyeong - 51,000)
MQ: @ Booblybobbers
MD8: 2-0 vs Greal [43] (@ Goguryeo Football Stadium, Pyeongyang - 52,000)
MD9: 6-0 vs Taeshan [31] (@ Sanhaemun Football Stadium, Cheonjin - 60,000)
MD10: 4-0 vs Albundania [UNK] (@ Silk Road Stadium, Seoan - 56,000)
MD11: vs Cassadaigua [50] (@ Munhwa Football Stadium, Hanseong - 65,000)
MD12: @ Candelaria And Marquez [15] (@ somewhere good :P)
MD13: vs Mo Land 3 [141] (@ Potala, Lasa - 34,000)
MD14: @ Achtervolging [98] (@ ah-choo!)
PTQ: ???

*** Spring Palace, Hangyeong ***

Mail was being sent from all around the world, now that news of the Emperor Gwangmu's death had by then circulating among the world's reigning powers. The Yeongmu Emperor didn't really like all of this notice - it wasn't what he wanted particularly, especially since the person responsible for the atrocity was dealt in a manner that some other democratic nations would have considered "barbaric". His punishment was listed publicly as "wild exile" - and only the most culturally-acute would have known what that meant. But the manner of his sentence was swift and almost biased. The fact that he had killed the Gwangmu Emperor didn't mar the Yeongmu Emperor's feelings that justice had not been served rightly, and that somewhere his father's apartion was wagging a naughty finger at him. This was his empire; he ought to conduct it in the manner that is most appropriate. And perhaps conducting a swift trial would have been the most appropriate. After all, a long-extended trial would have been pointless and altogether damaging to the reputation of the Han Empire as a socially progressive nation. Of course, the same inverse could be said of what just happened, so Yeongmu was clearly at a loss when he tried to discern what "socially progressive" really meant. After all, "social progression" wasn't a Han concept...

"Pyei-ha," a messenger said. "We have a message from some green island."

"A green island?"

"Yes," the messenger said.

"A green island is sending us a message. About what?"

"They want us to understand that they understand our pain."

"About what?"

The messenger appeared a little ruffled. "I'm not sure. It just says that they want us to understand that they understand our pain."

"Some green island is sending us a message that they want us to understand that they understand our pain? First of all, what green island? And what pain?"

"I'm not sure. They said the cabinet of a green island wishes to send us some condolences for our recent loss. That they understand the nature of our pain and that we should understand that there are others who share that pain too. To be honest, sire, they were awfully ambiguous about a lot of things. By the looks of things, they wrote this with a bit of haste and didn't quite realize what they were writing. Oddly, they did mention some dead prime minister, a goose, and other random people of whom I hardly have any recollection. I can only suspect that this is just a prank."

"Who was the goose?"

"Um... Mr. Smokey?"

The Emperor shook his head. "I haven't a clue either. I haven't time to waste with such mail. I'd just ignore it for the moment."

"Actually, they mentioned something about a renaissance and about keeping our people out of their lands."

"What?" That certainly piqued the Emperor's curiosity.

"Well, they're said that they're trying to rebuild their land and that they'd love to have no foreigners living in their land."

"Are you reading the same letter?"

"Yes. I've only just read this part. To be honest, it's been scribbled all over, but I can still read it. There was a tense struggle between some bird and some hand over a pen."

"You can tell that?"

The messenger showed the Emperor the letter, to which he saw for himself a distinct web-footed print on the sheet of paper, along with a distinct fingerprint next to it. So it was a bird...

"I've got it!" the Emperor then yelled. He quickly snatched the letter and started walking into another chamber. The messenger, uncertain of whether he had been dismissed, quickly followed the Emperor into the room. The messenger suddenly found himself in a weird lab of sorts, a room that he'd never known existed.

"I can identify the species of bird and thus hopeless identify which green island is sending us this message," the Emperor proudly announced. He approached an apparatus. "By comparing this smudge, I can determine to which species of goose this smudge belongs. And by determining which species is the likely origin of this smudge, we can get a better idea of where we are. Then, maybe we can try to run a fingerprint analysis to determine who wrote the letter, having focused our attention within a specific region. Because, as you are well aware, geese don't like often like travelling long distances, usually one or two regions at most. And I know all of the geese and swans and ducks of the Han Empire do not migrate far from home, partially because we're so far away from everyone else."

"Pyei-ha..." the messenger timidly said. "Are you allowed to have this equipment in the palace?"

"Who says I can't?"

"Ummm, no one... yet... maybe..."

The Emperor quickly ran the goose print on his database. He was immediately surprised at the result. "This goose is wanted for the murder of a Sortherner!"

"What?"

"This goose is sending us a threat!" the Emperor suddenly yelled.

"What threat?" The messenger was confused.

"This goose wants us to leave their green island alone, or else they'll attack us! That's what this message means! They want us to stop colonizing their lands!"

"But... we're not colonizing their lands."

"You said that there was a human contribution to the letter. That there was a fight. What if this was the very man who died trying to stop the goose from carrying out its threat against the Han Empire? Indeed! This all makes sense now!"

Who'd thunk it? A goose threatening the Han Empire? From a green island? "Pyei-ha... I think we need to be rational about this for a bit. How would a goose actually harm the Empire? The Imperial Air Force is more than ready and equipped to defend our skies from... foreign invaders. Moreover, the recent attack in Hangyeong by the Mujeongbu... we're not quite this culpable to believe that the Mujeongbu have recruited geese to help them destroy the Han Empire..."

"That's it!" And like that, the Emperor rushed away, presumably to find his way through the maze of Imperial buildings to the Ministry of Defense and of Foreign Affairs. And only just days ago, the Daeweongun was cast into the sea; was this anyway to honor his memory? If there were perhaps an apparition, he was definitely wagging his naughty finger now.

*** Juan Kim's Office ***

"BSF, this is Fred. How can I help you today?"

Juan Kim was just about on his last break, sipping a cup of coffee (tea was not his forte, he needed more caffeine more quickly). He quickly got to the phone and started talking. "ThisisJuanKim! I'mdoinganarticleaboutherecentchangefromBFSAtoBSF! Couldyouanswerafewquestions?"

Fred was audibly taken aback. "Whoa, sounds like you've had too much caffeine, dude. Could you say that again?"

Juan did. Needless to say, that didn't help much with the quick speech and whatnot. Fred couldn't quite understand what the chap was saying and so tried to gave as good a response as he could imagine. "Well, we're just getting ready for this year's festivities, and we're excited that you're as excited as we are."

"That'sgreat! Ijustneedtofigureoutwhatyouguysdidandwhyyoudidit! Firstofall,whatdoesBSFstandfor,nowthatyou'reusingthatacronym?"

Fred still couldn't quite understand Juan. "We're aiming to become the world's largest audio festival in the world. I take it that you're enthusiastic about festivals, right?"

"Whattheheckdoesthishavetodowiththe%$#^BFSAtoBSFchange?"

"Um, sir, could you, um, slow down a bit, sir?"

"I'msorry,Ican't,I'vejusthadcoffee."

"What?"

"I'msorry,Ican't,I'vejusthadcoffee."

"Are you, um, even speaking English, sir?"

"OfcourseIcanspeakEnglish,thankyouverymuch."

"Yes, English. Can you speak it?"

"I'mspeakingEnglishrightnow. IneedtoknowwhyyouchangedtheBFSAtotheBSF. Why?"

"Why?" That was the only bit that Fred understood. "We're not a philanthropic organization. I'm not supposed to be able to speak your, um, whatever language that is."

"IamSPEAKINGEnglish."

"Oh... that's English?" Fred was surprised. "Oh, well... um... I can't understand you, sir."

"What...is...the...name...of...your...or-ga-ni-za-tion?"

"Oh! This is the Boringo Sound Festival! I'm glad that you're very enthusiastic about our recent activities. It's just so fabulous! Would you care to hear some of our sounds?"

"Like...what?"

"Well, this one is my favorite. It's the sound of one hand clapping." Fred played the sound.

"What...was...that?"

"That's the sound of one hand clapping!"

"I...didn't...hear...any-thing."

Fred became adamant. "It's the sound of one hand clapping. What don't you get?"

"But...I...didn't...hear...any-thing."

"Well, how about this one? This is the sound of a duck quacking angrily at some weird dude."

Fred played the tape, with the quacking racketing loudly such that the frequency of the conversation suddenly shifted. Juan wasn't sure what to do.

"Neat, huh?"

"I'd...like..."

"How about this one? This is the sound of a dog farting."

The tape played. Juan wasn't quite certain what to say at that. Fred continued on. "Here's the sound of a grizzly bear chewing on a plastic rattle!"

The tape played. "Here's the sound of a guitar crashing through a brick wall at 20,000 miles per hour!"

The tape played. "Here's the sound of a drop of water falling through the air on its way to the ground from the clouds!"

The tape played. "Here's the sound of a man being cut to pieces with a sheet of paper!"

The tape played. "Here's the sound of a..."

"STOP!" Juan had had enough with the sounds. "CAN...I...ASK...A...QUESTION?"

"Sure, shoot away."

"Why...did...you...change...your...name?"

"Oh, you know about that? We were afraid that people wouldn't know about it, so I'm glad that you noticed. This is the sound that we made when we changed our name, in fact."

Juan hung up.

http://i159.photobucket.com/albums/t156/daehanjeiguk/Companies/MBC.png

Who Turned ON the Goals?

SEOAN - Okay, so winning two games in row by a combined score of 10-0 is enough to make you think that we're starting to hire SLANI refs (for us, that is). And having gone through the dissatisfaction of having suffered a number of ridiculously SLANI calls ourselves, you'd think that we're up for it. Right? WRONG! In that slaughterfest that was the Han-Taeshan match, Jeong Jihun managed a hattrick, while Kim Mihyeon and Yi Yeongpyo both added their own goals to complete the tally. Jeong Jihun started the goal tally early, with an 11th minute strike that shouldn't have gone in, but I think the keeper was a bit sleepy. Jeong Jihun got his second goal when a scuffle in the box led to a penalty, which Jeong just as easily converted. Taeshan, down 2-0, tried to restore some parity, but oddly the referee was extremely harsh to the Taeshanis and offered the Han a free-kick. Doing what the Han do best, we sent the ball upfield and Kim Mihyeon knew what to do with the ball when she got in front of the net. 3-0 in the 33rd minute. The Han got yet another free-kick when Yi Yeongpyo was sliding a bit too harshly. And we all thought the guy was reaching for a yellow card to book Yi Yeongpyo for a legitimate challenge, and instead the ref gives the card to the Taeshani player for diving. WTF? Anyway, Yi Yeongpyo tried to shoot on goal, but miss; and instead, he shot of target and the ball bounced off the post into the net. 4-0 in the 40th minute. The doctors from the Taeshani side remarked that there was an elevated level of tranquilizers in Tad Montague's blood levels, and they traced the source back to the goalkeeper's water bottle. While the Han do not normally engage in such slanderous activity, the fact that we didn't even give them water immediately shed suspicion upon the SLANI ref, trying to fix the match by making the goalkeeper a bit drousy. In any case, the second half began a little better than the first half ended. Fans were certainly all too happy to see the Han in front and by so much, they didn't care that the SLANI ref was practically handing the match over to the Han on a silver platter. But trying to avoid embarrassment, the Han started turning defensive and holding onto the ball. They couldn't lose the match without being a bit obsequious, but they couldn't win the match in a SLANI-orchestrated fix. So holding onto the ball was the best strategy to avoid the sum of two evils. Unfortunately, the Taeshanis didn't quite get the name of the game, and they got more fouls, and morer free-kicks. It turned to a 67th minute corner, when the Taeshanis got a very close shot on goal that was not called off for offsides; in the ensuing rush to get the ball out of the box, Kim Mihyeon launched the ball high into the sky and away from the goal. And to the other goal... where Tad Montague thought it was best to take a nap. Taeshani and Han players were rushing back alike to try to stop the ball from bouncing into the net, but misfortune certainly favored Taeshan this day. 5-0 already. The final stroke came when another penalty was called and Jeong Jihun went to the spot to shoot. He said he aimed out, but the ball went smack straight into the back of the net, against a rather sleepy goalkeeper (and gotta love 'em for fighting so hard, but wouldn't you normally sub out a sleepy goalkeeper, rather than keep him in the net?). Another penalty was called just minutes later, but Jeong Jihun was just done with the SLANI ref, and made a perfect strike on the fellow with the ball, noting that the ball went the wrong direction altogether. Fans and players alike cheered as the ball flew straight to the ref's groin - the last memorable play of the match.

Well, that brings us to Silk Road Stadium, in the ancient and venerable capital of the Western Han, adorned with posters saying that "WE WON IT!", of course noting that the only thing that they indeed won was the Final Venue selection for the Globe Cup (Seoan Gukjei mischievously dropped out of the TQCC Qualification thanks to a 2-0 loss away, to put them behind of their Liventian counterparts). Anyway, the city was still full of pride, and in all, they greeted the Albundadnian national team, in for their treatment in the Han Empire. And we treated them nicely. I repeat - nicely. Jeong Jihun refused to play when the refs were being "SLANI idiots", so Kim Daeeui got another chance to play, this time wih Kim Mihyeon - a compatriot against whom he's had plenty of experience. And today, they were fantastic. Kim Mihyeon got her first hat-trick while Kim Daeeui managed to create some work for himself as well. The two led superbly from the front, and despite the presence of SLANI refs still, supporting the Han in a bizarre twist of what's happened to the Han, the Han managed to keep the play relatively clean and free from major incidents. We beat Albundania because we beat them, not some SLANI ref handing us the match. Kim Mihyeon got the first strike in the 8th minute, working off a cross by Kim Daeeui. Minutes later, Kim Mihyeon added her second goal of the match off a sublime pass from Baek Jihun. The third goal was a matter of controversy; Kim Daeeui said he was off-side and stopped playing (and he was off-side). But the ref was disagreeing with him and told him to play on. Refusing to play on, he passed the ball to the Albundanian goalkeeper, who apparently got confused by the pass and thought it was a shot on goal. He dove to catch the gliding ball, but the ball passed under his body and into the net. Kim Daeeui shook his head, as the score ended in the first half 3-0. The Han played defensively once more in the later half, although Kim Mihyeon apparently really wanted a hat trick, so Kim Daeeui and company led up a brilliant charge in the final minutes to offer Kim a great gift. And the match ended a strong 4-0 win for the Han.

The fact that the last two matches were SLANI give-aways, we're all looking forward to that Cassadaigua reverse match, hoping that those SLANI refs to don't return them the favor, because then that's just asking for a bigger problem than what it needs to be. We just want to win. And win well. And win fair. But then again, if we can't have it all, then we'd like to just win.

Goal Tally
10 - Jeong Jihun
8 - Kim Mihyeon
3 - Kim Daeeui
2 - Baek Jihun, Yi Yeongpyo
1 - Pak Yongho

http://www.btinternet.com/~david.boston/_bostopia/dailymailheader.png

ULTIMATUM DELIVERED TO TAESHAN

Bostopian Government threatens to take “all appropriate actions” available to restore democracy

The Emperor and the Prime Minister issued a joint statement yesterday aimed at the Communist dictatorship in Taeshan, who have took over in a coup. During a protest against the dictatorship, gunmen opened fire, killing the unarmed who were expressing what was their democratic right of protest.

The statement reads; “The Bostopian Government hereby regards their duty to the formerly free peoples of Taeshan as one of the utmost importance. The anti-democratic forces currently at work in Taeshan are murderers, it is the brutal truth.

For too long has the world stood by while peoples are slaughtered for speaking their minds. The grasp of Communism and dictatorship in Taeshan must come to an end, and if the hands will not release their blood-stained grasp on the nation, Bostopia will apply the wrench themselves.”

It remains to be seen whether the government in Taeshan will respond to this, in what way and of course whether the Bostopian Government will make action of their words.

Jake Holmgren Vice Presidetn"Mr. President We have just recieved a letter from the Bostopian government about the Capital Street incedent yesterday".

"And" Kazzy Tre' Williams.

"Well it prety much says that if we do not stop with are total control of everything, and return ourselves into a Capitalist state, THERE WILL BE CONSEQUENCES".

"I am President why should i listen to some rich bastard from hundreds of miles away. I should have the right to do whatever i want. As president if you do something it can not be wrong".

"But sir they threatended to turn us into not much more then muclh, all are grand cities. Remeber what happened when Casari was taken over when we were just starting are careers in the party".

"Yes, but we have a right to do this. It's our country and they should but the hell out".

"Yes sir i will write that to them".

Blue Tornado Rise Again

Now the Blue Tornado have hit the part of the schedule that post the least threat. The Tornado need to get all the wins possible out of the next few weeks games and need to hope others lose some key square offs. The Blue Tornadoes of course will look to defend last years advancement from beeing a fluke. Go Tornado.

The National Reporter Online>Sport>Football>Opinion>Iain Miller

Acceptable? Yes. Evidently. ~ Among Elgin Dannat’s many hollow post-match statements in Rose of Sharon, following a less than scintillating encounter at the White Palace, was the notion that the one-all draw with visitors Taeshan was somehow ‘unacceptable’.

Dannat slammed both the performance – a solid first half-hour cuddling around a robust Abdul Ibadulla finish, and sixty further minutes of utter dross – and the final result, one which keeps C&M third in the group, in a qualifying position but three points behind Cassadaigua and just two ahead of both Greal and the Purple Knights. The Big Blues are still in a perfectly fine position to make their sixth World Cup finals, but the evidence for a successful campaign in Demot or Paripana is far from overwhelming.

But why? Elgin Dannat did not become a fool overnight, nor these players universally sub-par but, no matter how much the manager may argue otherwise, results such as these are ‘acceptable’. They are acceptable by the very fact that Dannat still has a job, that the XI that starts in Egaigus will doubtless be effectively identical to that in Rosasharn last night. We, and the footballing authorities in this country, will ‘accept’ the result like we always do, just as we accept consistent mediocrity, ineptitude and corporate greed.

But should we be surprised if our ‘boys’ perform below expectation? Hardly, and for precisely those reasons expressed above. In the post-Jones era, the CAMAFA under Quentin Vokolos has already become a hotbed of inanity, from handing a match of this magnitude to the White Palace – a stadium in which defensive-minded teams such as Taeshan have prospered for many months now – to apparently imposing Mark Baker on Dannat’s backroom team, to failing to formalise a pair of pre-arranged mid-qualifying friendlies, to promising to send a squad to a meaningless post-qualifying testimonial in a country rocked daily by domestic terrorism from seemingly uncontrollable cygnini. An opportunity for much-needed pre-World Cup practise is surrendered in favour of a potentially life-threatening trip to the backwaters of Sorthern Northland, just days after a similarly pointless excursion to Yafor 2.

The match at the other AAC-Dimrar Dome is merely a money-spinning fixture and nothing more, but why would we be surprised? The CAMAFA have learnt from the best on this account – namely the CMSC itself, which continues to thrive in its blubbery opulence even now that Sam Mc O’Neil has departed to pastures new. As the Big Blues wallow unhappily on nineteen points, our so-called representatives on the club scene thrive at their own international level. Only the Eesseff claims more sides in the Champions’ Cup knock-out stages, with the Candelariasian giants of recent years contributing three sides to that sixteen. Both the Scorpions and Turkish cruised through, with supposedly favourable draws for the last sixteen and beyond; while Caires City, though facing a sterner test, have still made the knock-outs for the fifth championship in a row.

But this is no Candelariasian success story. The CMSC and its flagship clubs have long-since abandoned any commitment to their country of origin, instead putting their faith in the hands of a Kim or St. Louis, Rotherwell or Innisvale, Hindenberg or Iampietro. How much longer must be ‘accept’ this wanton disregard for the national game, and sit on our hands whilst these gluttonous entities grow fat on the honest, patriotic toil of their predecessors blah blah blah blah blah

***

Rose of Sharon, Earlier…


Was that really all it would take? Oh, it hadn’t been a great performance either way, but how do you football to death a side like Taeshan, for heaven’s sake? Attrition was the only way, and they’d held on well to the opener from yer lad, wotzizname, Ibrahim, thingy.

And then Mark had departed their side once more, slipping away from the White Palace, feeling their hot stares on his back. They needed him, and they hadn’t even realised it, not for years, not until Mark Baker had suddenly shipped up again. And now, without him for all of five minutes, they’d finally let in an equaliser. One-all was no great shakes in the not-qualifying department, granted, but it was a start. How bad could they be for ninety whole Bakerless minutes, away in a strange country rebuilding from civil war?

Mark wrapped his coat tighter around him and proceeded down the deserted street, heading south towards his destiny.

***

Nr Zapata, Later…


“Kloorrr!”

“Sssssss…”

“Kloorrr!”

“Ko-hoh…”

“Kloorrr!”

The drift of waterfowl gabbled amongst itself until one lone voice remained.

“Hoo-ho-hoo..?”

“Kloorrr?”

“Hoo-ho-hoo.”

“Kloorrr...”

Several elder members of the throng shuffled their feet pointedly. The biggest swan among them fluttered his wings.

“Kloorrr...?”

“Sssssss!!!”

“Kloorrr! KLOORRR!!”

The gabbling started anew. An elderly whooper took a step towards the biggest swan.

“Kloorrr?”

“Whoop-whoop...”

“Kloorrr.”

“Whoop-whoop...”

“Kloorrr.”

“Whoop...”

“Klo…” The swan paused. “Ssssssssssss?”

A Red-crested Pochard glanced around awkwardly.

“Squak! Whee-ough!”

“Kloorrr...?”

“Whee-ough... Squak!”

“Kloorrr!”

“Whee-ough,” the duck simpered.

A nearby Tundra Swan chewed meaningfully on a gobbet of duckweed. “Hoo-ho-hoo...”

“Baraaar… buck-buck-buck-buck-buck-buck-buck…”

“Hoo-ho-hoo!”

“KLOORRR!”

“Hoo-ho-hoo...”

“Err-ANK!”

“Kloorrr...”

“Err-ank...”

“Kloorrr.”

The biggest swan shook his feathers and strode along the path.

“Kloorrr... KLOORRR... KLOORRR!!!!”

“!”

“Whoop-whoop...?”

“Er... Kloorrr?”

“Whoop-whoop...”

***

Oh, alright then…


“If would care to listen, Lesser-Cob Proud-Feather…”

“My apologies, Lord…”

“Good. Gentlebirds, our mission will be brief but decisive. We shall strike har, har and har, using all the weapons at our disposal…”

“All the weapons at our disposal, Lord?”

“All, indeed. We shall liberate the Taeshanese and crush the foul Communists once and for all!”

The assembled birds cooed appreciatively until a younger swan cleared its throat nervously.

“Um… Why?”

“Eh?”

“Why are we liberating the Taeshanese?”

“I ‘unno. Everyone else is. Be a giggle, won’t it?”

This didn’t appear to satisfy a number among the throng, but the lead swan soon rallied.

“Do I detect a hint of cowardice from some of you here?”

“No,” said another. “No, certainly not… We merely hold concerns that our absence from Green Island for any length of time may bring our future here into doubt. We have worked hard to return to our native land, albeit with the help of the elf-man, but… If we leave once more, won’t w–”

“We shall fight! We shall fight, Lord Lithe-Neck, just as we have always done! If the men of Green try and take our land from under our feet, then we shall rip it from them once more! We need not concern ourselves with the feeble-minded elf-man, he remains merely a means to an end! Sweet ancestors’ teeth, is this what we have become!? Humbled, fearful?! WE ARE ANATIDAE! We fight, Lord Lithe-Neck! We have it in our veins, and in our souls! Be it on the wastes of Taeshan or the fields of Green, we shall crush any of those who seek to deny us our birthright!”

The throng cheered; the voices of swan, goose and duck alike raised in the ecstasy of battledawn. Lord Lithe-Neck remained silent, watching his rival through his one good eye.

“Still you remain unconvinced?”

“I bow to your wisdom, as ever, Lord Swift-Beak. Would you not at least concur however that establishing contact with Terra Anatidae is of the utmos–”

“Again, regrettably, we find ourselves at odds, my friend. Their ‘nation’ is a blight on our name, we should speak no more of them.”

“Yet they outnumber us most considerably. We cannot risk a civil war within the Family…”

“We shall face that, if it comes to it. Do not fret, cob! Oh, once, Lord Lithe-Neck, we towered above the elephants. Some of us, some of us, still carry their blood in our hearts.”

“They died out in the Pleistocene. I’d imagine it’d be pretty diluted by now…”

“That is a matter fo…” The swan paused. “What is that?”

A red-crested Pochard responsible for recruitment bit his tongue.

“He’s a Taeshanese Migratory Arctic Plover, Lord. From out Delamawaria way. His mam sent him over to join the fight.”

“And in what way ,shape or form is it one of us, Lieutenant-Drake White-Flank?”

“Technically, my Lord, he is waterfowl…”

“It is a wading bird!” the swan shreaked.

“Still wades in water, Lord,” the duck simpered.

“Kid’s got a point,” another young swan chewing on gobbet of duckweed said cheerfully. “Doesn’t explain the chicken in the helmet, though.”

“Baraaar… buck-buck-buck-buck-buck-buck-buck…”

“Can’t even talk,” the swan snorted dismissively.

“She is my lover, Lesser-Cob Bent-Knob! As we have discussed on numerous occasions!”

“Jus’ saying, it’s one rule for the nobility and another for the rest of us…”

“Know your place, Lesser-Cob Bent-Knob! Our Lord Swift-Beak shall deport himself in whichever man he chooses!”

“And know your place, Viscount-Gander Smokey! I will not have any goose, no matter how valuable to the cause, talk down to any swan! Need I remind you of your place on the evolutionary scale?”

“You need not, my Lord. I live to serve, as ever. My apologies.”

“Good. There is always a future for any wise goose who knows his or her role in life.” Lord Swift-Beak shook his feathers and strode towards his officers. “Cobs, ganders, drakes!” he cried, “And… plover, for some reason… I shall not insult your intelligence with a rousing speech! Such notions are for lesser beings than we. You know your duty. Gather your soldiers, your warriors of the air and the sea, your comfortpens, and such forth. Tonight, we go to War! To TAESHAN!”

“TO TAESHAN!”

Silently, Lord Lithe-Neck appeared by his shoulder.

“And how,” he whispered, “Do you propose we get there… sir?”

Lord Swift-Beak paused. “Oh bugger, there’s always something, isn’t there?”

“Aye.”

***

Nr Zapata, Pretty much simultaneously


“Binoculars!”

“But I –”

“Pass me the binoculars, Seamus. There’s a good boy.”

“Sorry… It’s odd… It’s like he’s holding court.”

http://i176.photobucket.com/albums/w175/candelariaandmarquez/SwiftBeak.png

“Even birds throw up the occasional little McManus,” Igor Melbardis sighed, “But the affairs of feathered folk are of little concern to us right now. Look further, Seamus.”

“Can’t. You’ve just nicked me binoculars…”

“I’m sure they won’t be necessary for this particular task… We’re on a hill, Seamus. Look around you. Tell me what you see.”

The boy squinted. “Er… It seems to be flooded, a bit. Soggy.”

Igor nodded. “Indeed. We believe that Mc O’Neil may be attempting to revitalise the Green Island economy by introducing many squares miles of paddy fields… Among other things.”

“Like what?”

“Look over there…”

Seamus put a hand over his eyes and stared off to the east. “Looks like they’re building something… There’s diggers and that, anyroad…”

“Yes. Our best guess? Stadiums. Training centres, roads to and from… Thousands of them. Mc O’Neil made his fortune off the back of the CMSC, and while he may no longer have a place in that organisation he now has something far more valuable. A whole island, under his total control, ready to be bent to his will. You’re away of the concept of a compulsory consumerist state?”

“Kind of…”

“Imagine that, only with soccer. Lots of it. The centre of the sporting multiverse if he can help it, I’ll be bound… Imagine a football boot, stamping on the human face, forever…”

“And he’s the Prime Minister?! But he’s –”

“Insane? Undoubtedly.”

This came from a new voice, the presence of which forced Seamus Zheng to jump to his feet defensively. Igor gave him a calming hand.

“Sit down, lad… Jack Mazurkiewicz here’s no harm, I can assure you.”

“Not to you, anyway,” the thin man grinned. “How goes it, Igor?”

“Well enough, in and of meself, Jack. Jack’s chosen field in this little game of ours is what we like to call Godwell Hunting, Seamus, w–”

“What, like the film with Robi–”

“No. And I’m there, Igor. I’m this far away, I know I am!”

“You’re certain that he’s supped then, as we feared?”

“Oh, he’s supped alright. Supped, downed, guzzled. Quaffed, I shouldn’t be bound, poor sod. The only issue is whether he’s retained any knowledge of where one actually finds the Godwell, sadly. I’ve been shadowing him for days, and I just can’t be certain.”

“You’ll keep trying?”

“Of course. This is the Grail, Igor! I’m all but there…”

“Um,” Seamus coughed, “Why are we expected to feel sorry for him?”

“Hm?”

“‘Poor sod’? There’s got t’be worse fates than becoming a… half-elf, or whatever… He certainly looks a whole lot younger…”

Mazurkiewicz shrugged. “Gok Wan could achieve the same affect in half the time and make less of a hash of the otoplasty, no doubt. But can you imagine, Mr Zheng? To have the body of an immortal and the lifespan of us mere nothings? To have the knowledge without the wisdom? To be as magical as a squid but know exactly in your heart what you should be capable of? To be forever trapped between two lives, two worlds? No wonder half of them go stark-raving bonkers within a year.”

“And is he?”

“Oh heavens yes, he’s barking, bless ‘im.”

“And he’s the Prime Minister! We’ve got to do something!”

The two older men shared a look. “Er… ye-es… Of course, if we set about trying to do something about every insane ruler the world over we’d never have time for anything else. Also… We don’t tend to actually do things, on the whole…”

“Why not?!”

“Um. Doing things rather gets one noticed. And killed, often. One regularly leads to the other. Us conspiracy theorists… we tend to observe, really.”

“But he’s going to turn the island into a compulsory consumerist state!”

“Oh, that’s not so bad… Cafundéu’s often ranked as such, if I recall…”

“Yeah, but they have jiggly women with tassels, and volleyball and stuff! What does Green Island have? Fish and warm beer! It’s going to be hell for them, and it’s on our doorstep! They’re Candelariasians just as much of the rest of us!”

Igor rolled his eyes. “Lords… Arright, fine. Jack, could you get close enough to him to…?”

“I’d have to get rid of the bloody goose, first. There’s always distance assaults, though. I could brain him with a gyrocopter?”

“Lacks finesse. Best we do this together, don’t you think?”

Mazurkiewicz sighed. “Fine, fine… I’ll go an’ get me spade, then…”

(from the ‘Sports’ section of ‘The Bear Necessities’...)


BELLES BEATEN BY BUMPKINS!

The McLaughlin Islands 1 — 0 Bears Armed

Yes, the Belles lost their latest World Cup qualifying game, which was against the team from ‘The McLaughlin Islands’, yesterday. Yes, that loss was against the lowest-ranked team in their group, which hadn’t won a single match — and had only drawn two games — out of the nine qualifiers that it had played before then. Yes, even though that loss did happen at their opponents’ home ground, it’s still a major disappointment.
So, are we blaming our team, and saying that they must have been grossly overconfident or feeling lazy? NO.
Or, are we blaming their manager Arri Thunder and his coaching team, and saying that they must have been giving the players bad instructions? NO.
Well then, are we saying that the islanders’ own players finally found the necessary form to become a viable competitor in tournaments such as this one (even though that would have been too late for them this time around, because the distribution of points after the previous weekend of qualifiers made them the first team from this group for whom qualification was now impossible...) and were simply better than the Belles? NO.

What we are blaming for this defeat, in fact, is a series of unfortunate events that were beyond either the Belles or their management’s control. Whether these incidents happened purely by chance, or by the whims of the being called ‘Margaret’ whom some of the other nations involved in this contest claim sometimes exerts supernatural influence over the course of sporting occasions, or because (according to some of those same nations’ calendars) this was simply an inauspicious day, or because of enemy action, we can’t say... but happen they ALL unfortunately did.
Firstly, although the Mc Laughlin Islands are situated only a few leagues from the coast of the nation called ‘West Zirconia’ whence their original settlers came, those straights are very turbulent at the best of times... and the day when the Belles made that crossing wasn’t the best of times, so that many of the team’s members — all of whom, I point out, come from Clans or Septs without seafaring traditions (or even coasts) of their own — became seriously travel-sick.
Secondly, as they were going ashore, the boat swung away from the quay and then back against it hard, and Harrya o Herrchaum — who had been thrown overboard by the first of those lurches, and was climbing ashore—suffered a serious injury to his right leg which left him unable to play.
Thirdly, the accommodation provided for the team was only scaled to fit Humans rather than Ursines, and so were the beds within it, which meant that the team didn’t get a very good night’s rest before the game.
And fourthly, the locally-grown mushrooms that most of our players included in their breakfasts, turned out to have mildly hallucinogenic effects in Ursines — even though the islanders themselves have apparently been eating them for years with no such consequences — and as these effects lasted until well after the end of the match they rather hindered the Belles’ playing abilities: For example, Beorra o Barrdenn was sent off with a ‘red card’, in the game’s 15th minute, because she’d knocked down & run right over defender Stuart McLaughlin... but those actions had actually been unintentional, because she’d seen two players there rather than just one and tried to charge between them.
Faced with these circumstances, the Belles did the best they could and — even if they couldn’t score any goals—at least kept their opponents’ forwards at bay for most of the game. In the 79th minute, however, a long pass by Steve McLaughlin found Mark McLaughlin close to the Belles’ net and (for a change) clearly ‘onside’, and he managed to head it past Urra Thunder to obtain that game’s only goal.

(Full details, page ‘S-13’.)


Group 6: So, What Now?

Qazox beat the Invisible Wabbits 4—0, which puts them a full three points clear at the top of the group’s table. Dancougar managed to beat Bushdome by 3 goals to 1, away, to draw even with the Belles on points but remain in 3rd place because those points come from a smaller number of wins (and more drawn results) than our girls have managed so far. Kosovoe beat The Macabees by four goals to one, away, and although still listed in fourth place they are now only two points behind the Belles and Dancougar. The Macabees are still theoretically capable of qualifying for the World cup, although that would require both that they win all four of their remaining qualifiers and that at least two of the higher-ranked teams slip up badly during the same period, but Bushdome and the Invisible Wabbits join The McLaughlin Islands in the “eliminated” section of the table.
Coming up next, the Belles have a ‘home’ match against Qazox whilst Dancougar is away to Kosovoe. It could be the results of these games that determine which three of these four teams qualify for the Cup, but the top half of the group is so tightly clustered that the outcome could remain in doubt for longer, maybe even right through until the final set of qualifiers — in which the Belles will be playing away to Kosovoe — three weeks later...
All of the Belles are safely recovered from the effects that that awful journey had on their health, now, apart from Harrya o Herrchaum who will have to miss the rest of the qualifiers — and probably spend some more time resting-up after that, too — while her leg heals. Ilga NorthWalker [#21] will replace her in the team’s starting line-up for now, with Sunnanna o WestFells [#35] taking over Ilga’s place on the substitutes’ bench.

"We're going to treat every game that's left as a 'must win' one," said team captain Harroya o Redwood when we asked her how the team felt about their chances of qualification after this upset. "We always knew that it would be a tough competition, but we can still do it: I know that, the rest of the team know that, Arri and the staff know that... and now you, and your readers know that as well."


(Full analysis, page 'S-4'.)


____________________________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________


(OOC: I hope that West Zirconia doesn't mind my assumptions about the islands? If they have access by air, at all, then I thought that that would probably be only using light aircraft... and Bears prefer not to fly at all, let alone in small planes...)

Eight defeats in a row. One win in fourteen. The manager’s office at the Hyppodrome is already being fitted for a shiny new revolving door. Ooh, that reminds me . . .


Vacancy



National Team Head Coach


The Football Association of Hypocria (FAH) are currently on the hunt for an experienced international coach to shape a clueless, overpaid, oversexed, over hyped, shambolic, talentless, waste of . . . ahem . . . precocious, youthful, energetic, promising crop of young players into something at least resembling an international football team.


Candidates would ideally have international coaching experience and an eye particularly for the defensive side of the game would also be preferred.


As well as the prestige of leading a national side in World Cup games, other NS sanctioned sporting competitions and the Atlantian Oceania Cup of Association Football (a tournament in which the Hyppos are feared throughout the region*) the successful candidate will, of course, receive a grotesquely large wage packet, a town house in one of Hypocrium’s (one of AO’s most beautiful cities**) more exclusive districts complete with car and driver and exemptions from any number of laws/regulations as befitting someone of this social standing.


And given the Autocracy’s current, albeit temporary, minor blip in form absolutely any upward movement whatsoever would be considered an overwhelming success.


So whether you’re looking for a new challenge in your career or just hoping to skip bail this could be the opportunity for you.


All applications and CVs to be sent to the Personnel Department, FAH Headquarters, Hypocrium.
(OOC: This thread, TG, owl, et cetera and so forth . . .)


* Maybe not entirely accurate
** Also maybe ever so slighty inaccurate

Greali World Cup Qualifying Schedule
MD1: Greal VS Daehanjeiguk (2-2)
MD2: Greal VS Candelaria And Marquez (2-3)
MD3: Greal VS Mo Land 3 (4-0)
MD4: Greal VS Achtervolging (1-1)
MD5: Greal VS Cassadaigua (1-0)
MD6: Greal VS Taeshan (3-2)
MD7: Greal VS Albundania (3-1)
MD8: Greal VS Daehanjeiguk (0-2)
MD9: Greal VS Candelaria And Marquez (1-4)
MD10: Greal VS Mo Land 3 (4-1)
MD11: Greal VS Achtervolging
MD12: Greal VS Cassadaigua
MD13: Greal VS Taeshan
MD14: Greal VS Albundania

Greal VS Achtervolging Preview

Greal will be playing Achtervolging today, who are next in line to being eliminated if they lose, so probably their team wants to win almost as much as we do. The last time Greal played Achtervolging, it was a draw 1-1, lets see if we can improve that. Ross Trent states the next four matches will be crucial and everyone will be grinding their teeth by the fourth match. Francis Volodislav who was injured in the knee during the match against Mo Land 3 has recovered enough to joint he match against Achtervolging. Greal will play with standard formation as usual. Greali Television Service has declined to give an estimate today, and Weather Service reports windy be sunny sky today.

In other matches..

Cassadaigua will be playing The Han Empire today.

Candelaria And Marquez will be playing Albundania.

Taeshan will be playing Mo Land 3.

----------------------------------------------------------------

"Today's the day folks." said Ethan, leading the group into the bar.

"Yes it is. Lets watch this match and head on home." said Brian, looking in dismay at the crowded bar.

"Don't worry, I reserved a table, and we're meeting a new member." said Ross.

They walked up the the table, and there was a very tall man wearing a business suit sitting at one of the chairs. "Hey Ross, I grabbed your table just in case someone attempted to sit on it, despite the reserve sign."

Ross smiled, "Everyone, meet my brother, Fred."

"I'm Brian, this is Roger, Ethan and Jeff. Shall we sit?"

"Sure." said Fred. "I'll have a beer."

"Ok folks, what will you have?" asked the "waiter".

"Beer."

"Soda."

"Beer."

"Nothing for me." said Brian. "I have to take a break, but I'll drink some beer tonight."

Everyone suddenly started cheering because the previews had started.

How do they do it? For the second time during qualifying, Bazalonia has been unable to get a result against the Sandrians. This time round, they were held to a two all draw which keeps the Peisandros team in contact, just, with the top three. They are now five points behind third placed Kura-Pelland and the game against them could be vital. Peisandros has played the top two already which is an advantage heading in to the tail end of qualifying. However they do need to get points in all their remaining games and three of them is far better than one.

Anyway, stay tuned to see if they can go through.

ooc: 12pm NZT, still kinda drunk from last night. Typing hurts my head!

Matchday 11 results (http://www.forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14601054&postcount=14) are now up.

Everyone knows that not all draws are created equal.

Both of Sarzonia's previous draws were dull, lifeless goalless affairs against a team far lower in the rankings than it. Both will likely prove to be the fatal blow in Sarzonia's qualifying chances in World Cup XLV.

However, Sarzonia's home draw against Cafundéu probably felt more like a victory. For Stars forward Zack Wilson, it certainly did. He confounded the Cafundéu defence, scoring one goal and assisting on a Reese Nichols marker. Nichols also scored with a penalty kick after Matt Lynch was fouled in the area.

After facing questions about the three-forward line up when it embarked on a two match scoring drought, Brian Wilson was gratified to see that his son quelled those questions just six minutes after the opening kickoff. His laser shot ended the goal scoring drought at 208 minutes, but more importantly, it served notice to the Stars that they still belonged on the same pitch as Cafundéu.

A four-nil loss to Sorthern Northland at home likely gave the team reason to doubt. However, this was not that day, and the Stars were almost inexplicably ready to play from the opening kick. Sure, they looked too motivated when Cafundéu scored the next three goals to give the defending World Cup finalists a 1:3 halftime lead. However, Brian Wilson took one look into the eyes of his players and realised he didn't need to give them a pep talk.

He just looked at them and said, "you know what to do. Get out there and do it." Starting in the 52nd minute, Nichols applied pressure to the Cafundéu back line. He drew defenders to him and slid the ball to Zack Wilson, who then slid the ball back to Nichols. With the defenders now trying to scramble to get back into position, Nichols chipped the ball over a falling goalkeeper and into the net.

In the 66th minute, Lynch was one-on-one with the goalkeeper, who went for the ball, but clipped Lynch. The Taeshani referee immediately pointed to the spot to signify a penalty kick as the Cafundéu manager screamed in protest. It was to no avail, as Nichols cooly lined up and buried the shot into the centre of the net. The keeper guessed right. It was 3:3.

When the final whistle sounded, the Stars realised they didn't have the improbable result they would have needed to stay in the thick of the race for the third and final qualifying position from Group 8. They were now eight points behind the third spot with three matches to play. They would need a miracle, they knew that. But they had a result they could be proud of just six matches after an embarrassment in Cafundéu.

Following the match, the players didn't leave the dressing room. They watched as Dave Wilson announced he was retiring from his position as Incorporated Football Federation Chairman with the conclusion of World Cup XLV. He also announced that Brian Wilson would leave his post as manager to become the new IFF chairman.

With that, Brian Wilson's phone rang.

"No, I don't have time to discuss the succession plan. I'm in the midst of preparations for the Quintessence of Dust match. I'll have more information for you once this World Cup cycle is over."

This is the last thing I need, Brian Wilson thought. Now I have to conduct a managerial search in addition to my current duties? Shit.

The New Cleethorpes Enquirer
Elimination from qualifying confirmed

Quintessence of Dust have for the fourth time failed to advance past the qualifying stages of the World Cup, putting an end to their World Cup 45 ambitions. Coach Jeremy Dixon was philosophical in defeat, but many now believe his job to be in severe jeopardy. Numerous teams failed to meet the cut today, while Starblaydia, who were coincidentally voted in to preside over the World Cup Committee, became the first side to seal their qualification.

Dixon's rejig of the squad has not obviously yielded dividends, with just 17 goals from their 11 goals, at the cost of 29, as they tonight let in three with no reply in their away game at Yafalonia and Bazor 2. Meanwhile, the voices of opponents of continued Quodite participation in international football grew louder tonight as news of the defeat, and consequent ending of qualification chances, filtered back home. "There is no point pouring sovereigns into a team that is never going to break through at this level. Our children learn nothing of value from seeing their nation's athletes humiliated with such unerring regularity," said Congressman Willard Chu (SD-HC).

With three games left to play, the disappointed squad will receive Sarzonia, whose qualification hopes were kept dimly alive as they held Cafundéu to a 3-3 draw, at the Eli F. Baker Memorial Stadium, followed by matches in Greston, and finishing against Cafundéu at the National Stadium of Sports. Captain Theo Littlefellow admitted that all that was left now was to play for pride, but insisted that the team would still try their hardest, in order not to spoil their record for future competitions.

Meanwhile, the bathetic end to qualifying has caused a mild upset at FTV, who have decided to hold off broadcast of the final episode of Strictly Come Ironing, anticipating decreased counterprogramming opportunities as viewers switch off QBS anyway. The delay frees up Dino Achten to return for the national squad, which he did to no noticeable effect against Yafalonia and Bazor 2; he will be summoned for filming when needed, taking on the strong favourite Assistant Secretary for Geothermal Energy Björk Kjartansdóttir.

(from the ‘Sports’ section of ‘The Bear Necessities’...)



(OOC: I hope that West Zirconia doesn't mind my assumptions about the islands? If they have access by air, at all, then I thought that that would probably be only using light aircraft... and Bears prefer not to fly at all, let alone in small planes...)

[Equally OOC: You were spot on - the only way in or out is by boat, so anyone wishing to fly there would have to fly to Snaith and then sail from there to the islands.)

Saint Nash Courier
If you haven't heard it before, It's News to you!
SPORTS
Ursines Bare-ly Win

Charra o Barrdenn stopped a Bobby Cacho penalty kick in the 88th minute to preserve a 3-2 win over Qazox, which created a 3-way tie, technically, atop of Group 6. Qazox though has the advantage over both Dancougar (a 5-3 H2H GD) and Bears Armed (a 5-4 H2H GD). All three teams have a 5 point lead over Kosovoe, and all three teams could clinch as early as next week, (more on that later).

But tonight's game was almost a classic, if Qazox hadn't fallen behind 2-0 at halftime. Goals by Beorra o Barrdenn (27th minute) and Karramarsar Sarra (39th) gave the home side a good lead. But the tide began to change after Audra Edelstein had to come in for an injured Matilda Swords. Swords was taken down hard by Sarrla o Jherrarn, who only got a yellow card (should've been a red..) for the tackle. Edelstein set up Cornelia Fuston's first goal in the 52nd minute, and scored to tie it up in the 68th.

But Edelstein's lack of a defensive presence, allowed Karramarsar Sarra to get the eventual winning goal just 7 minutes later. In the 88th minute, Karramarsar Sarra was given a yellow card for intentionally tripping Bobby Cacho in the penalty area. Cacho, who was subbed in in the 83rd minute for Brent Folks; to provide a more offensive spark, lined up for the penalty kick and most every one thought the match would be tied up at 3-3 all. But Charra o Barrdenn just got enough of the shot as it edged just wide of the net and minutes later the final whistle blew.


Scoring Summary:
Qazox:
Cornelia Fuston- 52'
Audra Edelstein- 68'

Bears Armed:
Beorra o Barrdenn- 27'
Karramarsar Sarra- 39', 75'


Let's take a quick look at the upcoming schedule for the 3 teams tied for the top spot in Group 6:



Qazox:
vs. The McLaughlin Islands
vs. Bushdome
@ The Macabees

Bears Armed:
@The Macabees
vs. Dancougar
@ Kosovoe

Dancougar:
@ Bushdome
@ Bears Armed
vs. The McLaughlin Islands



Of the three teams, Qazox by far has the easiest schedule and thanks to the Bears Armed-Dancougar match on MD13, will most likely win the group. Dancougar barely (no pun intended), has an easier time than Bears Armed, who have to face Kosovoe on the final MD, in a game that might determine the final spot.

Purple Knights Take Down Mo Land

11 weekls into the qualifying campiagn and the Knights have secured another win onto their record. This one came against the barely useful team from Mo Land 3 in their first qualifying campaign who haven't even scored against the Knights yet and are already out of the running for a spot in the finals. The Knights have a tough schedule ahead for the last three games playing Greal, Achtervolgin, and Cassadaigua a three team trio that could spell out the fate of the national team.

Last nights game was a long drawn out match that was really never up for grabs to the Mo Land 3 squad. Hele found Brian Ying Uing for his 99th career goal in the fortieth minute. Of course that means unless the Knights fail to score in their final three matches he is pretty much guranteed his one hundreth goal by the end of qualifying. Then after that Tad Montague achieved his second clean sheet in a row after that horrible loss against Daehanjieguk and he easily led them to the victory.

Blue Tornado Seal Their Doom

The day has fianlly come. After barely qualifying to last years World Cup in one of the suprsies of the year, and then making it to the round of sixteen last night the Blue Tornado practically sealed their World Cup 45 qualifying exit sentence with a 4-1 throttling by the Dancougar Black Wings. The Wings flew in and defeated the Tornado cooling their winds and stopping the howl. The Tornadoes were down and out most of the game, and now many of the fans are getting their bags ready for a trip to the host of the Cup Of Harmony.

Yesterday's game was perhaps the worst played game so far in the Tornadoes qualifying campaign. Thhe Black Wings showed the T-Nados up with their highly eplosive offense and a D that kept the Tornado from even advancing throughout most of the game. The Wings scored two goals in each half and the only Tornado goal came in the 47th minute on a fluke pass that Angel Kenssington stole from one of the Wings defenders and luckily hit into the back of the net.

Hellispont Times-Herald
One more chance...

After the 3-0 win at Garlano, the Wombats came home to prepare for The Holy Empire in a game that will probably make or break the qualifying chances for the Wombats. The Holy Empire just need a draw to qualify themselves, while the wombats need all the points that they can get. This is the 2nd second-half chance to avenge one of the 3 earlier losses to the top seeds, and the wombats fully expect to pull off an upset.

(ooc: No guesses??, Come on most of tehm aren't that hard to figure out...)

Prux@WC45.com
Adverts say Eight A'int Enough

8 games in row with out a loss, and with just 3 games left, only a complete and total collapse could prevent the Adverts from qualifying for the World Cup.

A 5-1 win at Govindia, somewhere in Europe, we think, next to Whatgivesatan and Wedontspeakenglishiva and on the Snobbish sea; thanks to goals from Sonny the Cuckoo Bird, Toucan Sam, Jolly Green Giant, Energizer Bunny and Smokey Bear, the Adverts had little trouble winning this match.

Up next is Akbarabad, at Griffin Stadium. A win or a draw is all that is needed to qualify, and don't expect a draw. The Adverts will clinch at home.

Prux World Cup 45 Qualifying Schedule:

(all Home Matches to be played the hopefully completed Griffin Stadium in Pawtucket, Prux, Capacity 67,500.)
@ Ierissos D 1-1
vs. Rymeria W 5-3
@ Milchama L 1-2
vs. Govindia W 6-1
@ Akbarabad W 2-0
vs. Septentrionia W 4-3
@ Arroza W 2-0
vs. Ierissos W 1-0
@ Rymeria W 1-0
vs. Milchama D 2-2
@ Govindia W 5-1
vs. Akbarabad
@ Septentrionia
vs. Arroza
(RECORD 7-2-1)


Due to legal issues, the Meet a Pruxian feature is on hiatus.
(ooc2: Some one guess, please? 5 Megs to ya if you guess, 500 if you get it right!)

Greali World Cup Qualifying Schedule
MD1: Greal VS Daehanjeiguk (2-2)
MD2: Greal VS Candelaria And Marquez (2-3)
MD3: Greal VS Mo Land 3 (4-0)
MD4: Greal VS Achtervolging (1-1)
MD5: Greal VS Cassadaigua (1-0)
MD6: Greal VS Taeshan (3-2)
MD7: Greal VS Albundania (3-1)
MD8: Greal VS Daehanjeiguk (0-2)
MD9: Greal VS Candelaria And Marquez (1-4)
MD10: Greal VS Mo Land 3 (4-1)
MD11: Greal VS Achtervolging (1-0)
MD12: Greal VS Cassadaigua
MD13: Greal VS Taeshan
MD14: Greal VS Albundania

Greal wins nailbiter against Achtervolging

With only 12 minutes to go until the game ended, Howard Anderson was in possession of the ball, he narrowly avoided the defenders by simply moving to the side, he aims, he kicks, he SCORES. That was the goal that sealed the victory for Greal. The match ended Greal 1-0 Achtervolging. Ross Trent says this was the first of the crucial matches. The next three will decide whether Greal will be able to qualify for WC45 or not. Achtervolging, as a result of this defeat, was eliminated. Only The Han Empire, Candelaria And Marquez, Cassadaigua, Taeshan, and Greal have a chance to qualify in the three spots. Who will it be? Next match is against Cassadaigua.


Greal 1
Howard Anderson (86')

Achtervolging 0

The Han Empire beat Cassadaigua 3-0.

Albundania was beaten for the eleventh straight time by Candelaria And Marquez 0-1.

Taeshan won narrowly over Mo Land 3 1-0.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

"That was a close game." said Fred.

"Yes it was." agreed Ethan.

"Who is next?"

"Cassadaigua." said Roger.

"They should be easy to defeat."

"Don't underestimate anyone, thats the rule I learned in soccer." said Brian.

"Ok, I bet a narrow win." said Fred.

"How much?"

"Five hundred."

"You Ethan?"

"Outright win, eight hundred dollars."

"I'll take a draw." said Roger.

"How much?"

"Six hundred."

"Narrow win for me." reported Jeff, not bothering to look up from the TV set.

"How much?"

"Four hundred. I'm going light today."

"And I'll bet a narrow win and six hundred dollars." said Ross, writing the entire thing into his little red notebook. "You Brian?"

"Three hundred, narrow win."

"Good day gentlemen."

"The last three matches are going to be crazy." remarked Ethan.

Akbarabad hold Milchama to a draw.

(Akbarabad Press, AP): The Akbarabad national side held group leaders Milchama to a goalless draw at home. Altough not exactly a bad result, a goal from anywhere would have given the team a vital 2 point lead over Septentrionia, but as it is we are one point behind with three to play. Additionaly, Arroza is just one point behind us now, and we have to play them away in our penultimate game. There are no easy games from here and let's just hope that Prux play far better away to Septentrionia, than they do against us at home.

"Okay, no. This is definitely not 'I like your hair'. In fact you probably shouldn't say this to any girl you don't know really well." Vincent Arsenault said, scratching out another line from the notebook as Thomas Brodif sulked.

"So what's wrong with that phrase, then?"

"Well, the 'I like' part is correct, but 'soixante-neuf' is a number..." Vincent said.

---INTERMISSION FOR HAIKU---

We have to win now
If we do not qualify
Someone gonna die

-------------------------------

Mark Tupper stared out the window at the aircraft parked on the apron, clutching his boarding pass, momentarily gripped at the utter meaninglessness of his efforts. The never-ending fight for the bottom qualification spots, the inevitable group stage knockouts, the wads of accidentally swallowed gum that, if urban legends were right, would soon block the passage from his stomach to the small intestine and kill him. He wondered why he bothered. Death would be so sweet.

(Rockets plays stand for the anthem, all comments while “whispering”)

Prescott: It’s been ten minutes, it’s gotta be over soon.

McAllister: Shhhh

Prescott: Sorry but just saying, let’s get on with it.

LaFave: Why does it look like they are only just beginning?

Carrigan: Because they are.

McAllister: Let’s just be respectful, we wouldn’t want anyone disrespecting our anthem.

(Five minutes later)

Prescott: Come on.....

Carrigan: You guys should have read up on this. Their anthem takes two hours.

McAllister: I thought that was just a joke. I guess they weren’t kidding.

Carrigan: Listen, and you all might learn something.

Prescott: I’m not here to learn something.

LaFave: Look at the tall guy with the long beard. Wait, I guess that’s all of them. Anyway look how into it he gets. I mean you can tell this is really important to them.

Carrigan: It is, Laffy. It’s really a very touching Liturgy.

LaFave: It kinda is.

Prescott: Couldn’t there at least be a shortened version?

Carrigan: No, that would definitely do disrespect to the Word. And we really shouldn’t be whispering like this during it.

McAllister: We shouldn’t be, but I doubt we’re the first team that ever has.

Carlson: This shit sucks, I’m not standing here for another hour and a half. Going back to the dressing room. Will be back when the game starts.

McAllister: You of all people, Brett, should be standing given what you did to one of them in Tundra Falls.

Carlson: They already hate me and think I’m this awful sinner.

Carrigan: We’re all sinners, Brett.

Carlson: Uh huh, you know what I mean.

McAllister: Brett if you walked off the field, you wouldn’t only be disrespecting them, you would also be pissing us off. Most of us are Roman Catholic as opposed to Orthodox, but Newmanistan is a highly devout nation, and if we show any kind of disrespect here right now it will really reflect very poorly on all of us when we get home. So chill out, and deal with it like the rest of us.

(Carlson simply sighs, but remains on the field)

Prescott: I think I’m going to convert to Judaism.

Carrigan: A Prescott, a Jew? Just seems odd. But hey good luck with that.

Prescott: I love playing in Jeruselem, I just think it would be the right thing to do. I’m 18 now and old enough to make that decision for myself.

McAllister: If that’s what you want, Billy.


(An hour later)

Prescott: Maybe it’s almost over now.

Carrigan: Shhhh

McAllister: Kyle and Laffy are really into this. Almost too into it!

Prescott: How does this get one pumped up to play football? I could see maybe doing it like maybe early in the morning to pray but then you know, do more normal things football teams do.

McAllister: Everyone does things differently, Billy. I am getting pumped up to play football just because I know that soon it will be over and I will be able to move again!


(It’s finally over)

Prescott: So do we clap, or just play football.

Carrigan: You pray.

Prescott: Umm yeah ok. Will do.

Carlson: Thank God it’s over. No pun intended.

LaFave: That was really touching. Really, I enjoyed it.

McAllister: Well snap out of it, it’s time to play football. We need three points.

LaFave: Maybe I should.... nah I guess that's silly.

McAllister: Going back to Dancougar will allow us to forget this and focus on giant cartoon robots again.

Courtney’s Space

We learned something from the Han. You do enough whining about the officiating after one game, you can get them to even up the calls when you play them in the second leg. We knew we in trouble when only in the third minute, Jeong Jihun takes a crazy dive in the penalty area when Courtney Poole cleanly played the ball on him, and the diver was awarded a penalty kick, and of course, he scored. Divers in soccer make me sick, but these idiots are never going to stop doing this when they continue to be able to reap the rewards from it. The call really got us aggravated because it was hard enough to come here and get a win against what is one of the best soccer nations in the world, but now we’re going to have to deal with sympathetic referees? Two minutes later, we got our second yellow card of the match when Michelle Fuller was booked for playing defense. Apparently, we were not going to be allowed to do that tonight. The Han scored quickly after that, and nine minutes into this game we already find ourselves in a two goal hole. I usually don’t criticize referees, and honestly I don’t know if I have ever have in one of my blogs before, but things were just not evening up. If the referee was calling the game the same way for both teams then you can learn to deal with it but this was clearly not happening. Their players were getting away with just about anything. I do not want to say this was the only reason we lost this game. Our execution could have been a lot better, we had opportunities to score that we just could not finish. About halfway into the second half, we had all the momentum, so when the referee struck again, it was probably the last straw. Again, Jihun takes a dive and again he gets a penalty kick, and scores again. Really frustrating, but I guess I am proud of my teammates that we did not stoop to their level. We didn't act like we sustained a career ending injury every time one of them bumped into us like Mr. Jihun was doing.

Didn’t hear much from MEN (Male Equality Now) in the last week, but I am overhearing that they might be planning to do something at our upcoming home game against Greal. Please, guys, please do not do anything to ruin the atmosphere of that game because it just may be the biggest game in Cassadagan World Cup history. It’s a young history, but this showdown is vital for both teams. A win over Greal gives us a five point cushion over them with two games to go, and really make things look better for us. The game against Taeshan will be good too, but we do not need anything to take away from the competitive nature of the game. So MEN, if you do anything at this game to disrupt it for a minute, you will officially lose any support of mine for your ultimate mission.

Jeruselem Government News

Marie the Princess attends burial of Marie the Duck

After Jeruselem beat Lecland 1-0 at Dazza Dallas Stadium, there was another funeral other than the death of the hopes of Lecland to make finals. Oksana "Pups" Ferris buried her beloved duck Marie and Princess Marie-Antoinette Dallas attended to see off her namesake.

Marie the Princess said
"You have to support a fellow World Cup teammate. And after all, the duck was named after me too. Oksana said Marie was a tough long lived duck with many kids produced. She was very attached to her duck. I'm sure there's another Marie the Duck somewhere for her."

Scarlett Ferris, the Jeruselem assistant coach said
"Pups raised that duck from a duckling. The mother had been killed and she's been the duck's real mother. It's like a baby to her. Of course, she's got Billy Prescott so I'm sure we've got little duckies coming in the future. She's upset now but she'll be back to her old self. Some of local feral cats have been stalking our ducks. Marie must have defended her ducklings and died saving them, so she got eaten instead of them. That's taking one for the team."

Coach Ryan Greenly was there to support his young charger
"I'm a coach. You have support your team members when things are down. She's a tough kid, but that duck was like a family member. She'll be fine. Billy Prescott and the Jeruselem team support our Pups - she's got friends when it's needed. Sure, it's just a duck but it's a pet."

There was some drama on the flight back to Jeruselem from the Blouman Empire. a snake had somehow got into the plane in the cargo area. A female flight attendant and Ryan Greenly caught the snake, putting into a sack to be dealt with later in Jeruselem. The snake was later moved to the Medusa Head Snake Research Lab, partially owned by the Dallas family. The snake was identified as Green Taipan by the team's resident snake expert Matilda Dallas.

Ryan Greenly said about the poisonious snake
"It was nothing. Once you get control of head of the snake, it's rendered harmless. I'm used to it. I'm always fishing snakes out my swimming pool. Never been bitten as yet. Marie's never been bitten either, they seem to like Marie. That's Marie the Princess not the duck we just buried."

Some of the Jeru FC team offered help on the farm to kill of any feral cats
"We'll come around to clean up the place. Since we're not off at war plundering and destroying some place, we might as well do something useful. No, we're not going invade Taeshan to help them Bostopians."

OOC - Newmanistan - Pups is Roman Catholic as most Frenchies in Jeruselem are. The Dazza side of the family are Roman Catholics while the Debbie side are Orthodox. Jacinta Dallas is technically follows Judaism although she isn't really.

In the city of Council Groves, which is the capital city of Bears Armed _

In a street quite close to the 'Hall of the High Council', a well-dressed male Ursine with medium-darkish brown fur enters a quiet-looking furdresser's shop. He exchanges greetings with one of the staff, who obviously recognises him as a regular visitor to that establishment, and is shown to a chair in one of the booths that line a side wall. Once he's sitting down the attendant pulls a curtain across the front of that booth, and then pulls the tail of a small model donkey that's standing on the counter, and a few seconds later that chair -- with its occupant, of course -- descends through the floor!
When the chair stops moving it does so with its occupant facing a blank wall. He grumbles briefly under his breath, and spins the chair around by 180 degrees to face into one corner of what is obviously a foyer of some sort. Two guards, each of whom is carrying an unsheathed singlestick and has a pair of pistols holstered at their belt, are standing between him and the larger space. He shows them an identification card that he had ready, they compare the picture on it to his face, and then they step aside and one of them waves him through the gap. He passes them, enters the room beyond, and walks across this to a long desk behind which a trio of female Ursines are seated, and on the wall behind & above which is painted the inscription

B.A.S.I.C.


One of those she-bears notices the new arrival, and addresses him_
"Oh good, you're here at last, Mr LoneBear. The director has been asking after you for several hours, and told us to send you straight through to his office as soon as you arrived."

The male ursine whose progress we've been following, and whom we now know is called 'Mr LoneBear', acknowledges this message with a nod and a polite grunt, turns, and heads along one of the several corridors that open from that chamber. As he walks along he draws a (rather clunky-looking) mobile phone from out of a pocket in his jacket, flips this open, and speaks into it _
"This is LoneBear: open channel 'B'."


__________________________________________________________________


OOC: and so begins an[other] adventure of 'The Bear from B.A.S.I.C.'.

Dancougar News!! Road Report
Creepy Star Fox box art.

Congratulations in order after smashing good win: Rob has passed out underneath his desk after last night's 4-1 victory over Kosovoe, as the Wings concluded their five-game road trip without a single loss. I must admit that I, too, am a bit tipsy as a result of the win, which creates a three-way logjam atop Group Six with Qazox, Bears Armed, and us at 24 points apiece.

Dancougar led 2-0 at halftime on goals by Lyle Dylandy and Augustine Dennin, the second one sending the traveling fans into a frenzy, as it came just minutes before the whistle. The Tornado looked listless in the opening period and only tested goalkeeper Luke Brengle once, and he passed with flying colors. But Kosovoe stormed back to open the second half when Angel Kenssington swept through the defense and forced a bad turnover, and he beat Brengle to make it 2-1 and restore the home fans' zeal.

But the Wings would counter within five minutes with Dennin's second goal, and Christian Chojnacki sealed the victory in the 65th with a free-kick header that the Kosovoe goalkeeper flubbed badly. The result creates a five-point gap between Kosovoe and the leaders with three games remaining. Not impossible to make up but still difficult. The Wings still need to get a result on the road against Bears Armed before they can rest easy.

Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude: So, I don't actually even remember that fourth goal happening, but yeah, that was totally awesome. And man, the beer fridge we have here is sweet, except we like went through most of it and stuff, so I hope the boss dudes are cool with it when they get back.

Tim man, I wasn't gonna tell you this, but last night after that last tequila shot, I realized something. You're all like... you made this Road Report like, a Road Report, dude. First you were all like bookwormy and junk, but you're like almost on top of this thing. Slang it up and it's good. I love you, man.

http://img134.imageshack.us/img134/7993/dailyturkjo0.png
Koseli Cumhuriyetler 1–1 Jeru FC
Last Second Drama Bad For The Heart.
But who listens to experts eh? The Turks left it late to gain a point from a tough home encounter with Jeru FC. Jeru FC scored within 13 seconds to put themselves ahead. Serkan Turkmen came close to pulling it back after a lapse in concentration but scooped the ball over the bar.

Jeru FC almost put the game beyond doubt but Orhan held well. At the last Oktay, who is in good scoring form headed home in added time.

Mr P Pojencic
The Brambles
Morton Hill
Corley
KALLIA
KL12 6HY

Dear Sir or Madam,

Having seen the recent advertisement for a new head coach, I formally enclose my application. You will notice from my CV that I have spent the last seven years as defensive coach for the Krytenian national team, having previously been a centre-back for the side.

I feel that adding a little Krytenian spice (no, not the vindaloo brownies, the other kind) to the Hypocrian unit will result in a big shot in the arm for the Hyppos. Also, I can scare people with my face. A lot.

Sincerely,
Peter F. Pojencic

Captain's Log, November 1st, 20,015 A.E.

It's been a dreadfully dreary week here in camp as a southern swell hit the island, bringing massive amount of rain and cool temperatures. I long for the warmth of spring and summer again, as the cool of winter seems to slow everything down, including the football. This is evidenced by our low-scoring affair away to San Castello two weeks ago. On a warm day in September, we would have buried them five to nil, but the chill kept it a tight affair and we just walked away with the comfortable two to nil result. All in all, it's a good result, and it makes it where we only need a single point out of our last three matches to qualify, and we're like going to be atop our group once again. Kuu has settled down somewhat in his personal assaults, though he is still quite demonstrative, but I think that Jeru FC result showed him that you just can't bark at your players and expect them to pull through. We're all people, and we need our egos stroked, our confidence in ourselves reassured sometimes. Criticism is all fine and well, but it does very little if it is not constructive in its' approach, and I think that was something that he was just not seeing until that blemish.

I really like what I've been seeing from Ricardinho lately. It may be that I am biased, being his club teammate as well, but the young lad seems to really be coming into his own and is a beast out there on the wing. Morose might just have a battle for his position on his hands, but it won't be for long, as he is just human afterall. That is something that occasionally gives me pause, how brief and bittersweet the life our human comrades seems in comparison to our own stays in this realm. In the moments of time that their lives consist of, it is just a mere blur in the grand scheme of things, with little tangible connections to the overall scope of the universe. So why do they try as they do, continue on in even the gravest of circumstances, when in truth, their effects on this world are minimal? Is there some sort of meaning in creating a meaning in the world for yourself and then pursuing it to whatever end? We have been told that is the sole purpose of their religions, to give them meaning in an otherwise meaningless existence. Would not the same be true for us, the guardians of time and all things everlasting? Is Elune no more than just a symbol for the reasoning of living an upright life?

None the less, it is the football that drives me and the country, perhaps even the entire world in some way. As this Qualification comes to a close, or head depending upon your situation, it is always interesting to see who can rise to the occasion and steal themselves spots inside the tournament. It's in these moments that heroes of nations are given their birth among the crowd, and they are treated lavishly if they succeed in their attempts. For those that fail, there is always another chance for success, though it may not be in the sport. I can't remember with clarity how it was during our time as minnows, but I do remember the nervous energy that always filled the country in these last few weeks of qualifying. We would unite as a country, chewing on our nails and gathering at the pub, hoping that our heroes would rise to the occasion and finally put us through to the Proper. Soo trivial it seems now, but in some way, it was bliss. I wonder if we can ever recapture that feeling now that we are top of the heap, or if it was just the twinkle of a far away star hitting supernova.

~ Laborious Hawk

World Cup 45 Qualification - Group 2
PRQ: 1-3@ Newmanistan [32] (@ Putnam Lake Stadium, Putnam Lake - ???)
MD1: 2-2 @ Greal [43] (@ who knows where?)
MD2: 1-0 @ Taeshan [31] (@ %$#^)
MD3: 2-0 @ Albundania [UNK] (@ here?)
MD4: 2-3@ Cassadaigua [50] (@ pink!)
MD5: 2-1 vs Candelaria And Marquez [15] (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong - 150,000)
MD6: 1-0 @ Mo Land 3 [141] (@ gemme moland!)
MD7: 4-1 vs Achtervolging [98] (@ Dynasty Imperial Football Stadium, Namgyeong - 51,000)
MQ: @ Booblybobbers
MD8: 2-0 vs Greal [43] (@ Goguryeo Football Stadium, Pyeongyang - 52,000)
MD9: 6-0 vs Taeshan [31] (@ Sanhaemun Football Stadium, Cheonjin - 60,000)
MD10: 4-0 vs Albundania [UNK] (@ Silk Road Stadium, Seoan - 56,000)
MD11: 3-0 vs Cassadaigua [50] (@ Munhwa Football Stadium, Hanseong - 65,000)
MD12: @ Candelaria And Marquez [15] (@ Millerman Sheppard Stadium, Albrecht - 40,614)
MD13: vs Mo Land 3 [141] (@ Potala, Lasa - 34,000)
MD14: @ Achtervolging [98] (@ ah-choo!)
PTQ: @ Sarzonia [] (@ The Iron Bowl, Portland - 46,220)


*** Spring Palace, Hangyeong ***

The recent news coming out of Bostopia was somewhat. On the one hand, there was a letter showing concern and condolences for the loss of the Gwangmu Emperor. On the other hand, there was the ultimatum demanding that the Taeshani government get its act together and become democratized. It was all just troubling. But now this.

"Pyei-ha! The geese are invading Taeshan!"

"What?"

"The. Geese. Are. Invading. Taeshan."

"Why?"

"We don't know," the messenger replied. "But we do know that they are invading Taeshan. Perhaps they're invading Taeshan to protect Taeshan from the Bostopians, but the Bostopians haven't even arrived. In fact, they haven't even attacked Taeshan yet."

"Wait, which geese?"

"I don't know. It seems to be a coordinated effort by the geese of multiple regions, as if called upon by some higher order."

"Where is Taeshan?"

"Q-Continuum. We only do serious interactions with the region in affairs related to football. But considering the circumstances, we might have to convince a military intervention to defeat the geese of... whatever they are."

Just moments later, a raving mad scientist came into the room, claiming a great invention. "I've done it again!"

"Who?"
"What?"
"Where?"
"When?"
"Why?"
"How?"
"So?"
"Wait! what?"
"If?"
%$#^!"
"What now?

The Emperor shook his head as numerous people asked different questions all at the same time. It was a cacophony of non-sense, and it needed to come under control; so he pulled out a foghorn and blasted it at high power. For only a moment, the majority of the people in the room became deaf (the Emperor put on some ear-muffs). And suddenly everyone paid attention to the Emperor.

"What's this 'done it again' business, sir?"

The mad scientist explained. "I've created a translational device that takes words from any language and translates them into another language! With this machine, anything can translate anything spoken by any other thing!"

One of the ministers remarked idly, "Can we translate him?"

"In the quest for creating galactic harmony and peace, we must strive to understand one another, and the first step to overcoming this great divide is to bridge the communication gap! Here! I shall demonstrate!" To that, the scientist placed the device on the table, and spoke out boldly, "We come in peace!" The machine was silent. Everything else was also silent, but more importantly the machine didn't make a noise. The ministers became curious as to the sanity of their fellow scientist. "Are you sure that it works?" remarked one of them. At that instant, the machine came to life, blaring out a translation in a foreign language. The crowd was amazed. "What language was that?" The machine came on again, translating into another foreign language. "Oh, that was Spanish! I know Spanish!" The machine came to life, and as the ministers all began to speak, it began to overload. The scientist was firmly aware of this and shouted, "Stop talking! You're crashing the system!" Of course, that did no good as the machine suddenly and almost inexplicably exploded on sight. The scientist gazed at the empty spot on the table, on the brink of tears. An overzealous minister then suddenly yelled, "He just tried to kill the Emperor! SEIZE HIM!" At that, the scientist rushed out of the room, even though the Emperor knew himself that the man made no intentional attack upon his life. He heaved a deep sigh as he turned back to his messenger.

"So the geese have invaded Taeshan?"

"Yes, sire."

"Well, mobilize the troops. We'll go out to defend Taeshan from foreign intervention, even if it means intervening ourselves."

"Yes, sire."

The Emperor sighed again. "Is there never a normal day in this country?"

*** Lucky Cricket Bar, Jungan Street, Hangyeong ***

"Who turned on the crazy button?" Kim Seungho yelled as the bar was flooded with people. Not long ago, the Daeweongun had been shot and killed. And now people were living quite rambunctiously as if nothing had happened. Granted, 6 weeks was a long time; but this was ridiculous! It's like no one cared about the Emperor! Was this any way to demostrate proper Confucian ethics and morals?

"The only relief for people ini grief is to have some joy in life," Choe remarked. "Otherwise, existence is dreary and dull. Might as well have some fun."

"You're not helping control the situation," Kim said. "Speaking of which, where the heck is Min-sshi?"

"He was talking to the cooks, last I heard," Hong said. "Of course, that was while I was in the bathroom."

"Bathroom?"

"You can hear everything in the kitchen from there," Hong replied. "He was apparently upset that the cooks were playing cards while on the job, especially with the bar as busy as it is today. He wanted them to work."

"You could hear all of that?"

"Well, not all, but listening in context works a lot." Hong reclined as he had his cup of tea. "You're asking a former investigator to stop eaves-dropping on people?"

"Not really..." Kim replied, as he saw Hansu leave the kitchen. Hansu's face was one of extreme displeasure. Nothing was going his way again. The cooks not responsive, the patrons too many and too vulgar, and above all, his dreams again. A bad one this time.

"You should really learn to relax, Min-sshi," Kim said to him, offering his chair with the old faithful. "I've got this well under control."

"This?" Hansu yelled. "This looks like control? If you want to know control, go back into the kitchen and see what the cooks are doing!"

"Playing cards again?"

"Yes, it's... wait. How'd you know that? You have a camera?"

"Hong told me."

Hansu turned to Hong. "You have a camera in my kitchen?"

"No, I was in your bathroom..."

"You have a camera in my bathroom?"

Hong paused, waiting for Hansu to relax just a little bit. "I can hear everything that goes on in the kitchen from the bathroom. Plus, you were a little loud in what you were saying to your cooks today, so I couldn't but help that you were yelling so loudly that I could hear and understand it all."

Hansu nodded. That wasn't as bad as he had thought it would have been. "I guess you still have your talents..."

Yu came into the bar. She was late getting out from work today, apparently, but that didn't matter much to her. Time in the bar was time well spent, no matter how short or long. Of course, today's entrance was a bit bizzare, as she realized that there was a crowd to barge through. She deftly made her way through the crowd, wondering what was the occasion.

"The Han beat some girls," Choe said.

"What?" Yu said, almost insulted at the thought.

"The Han played the girls from some country and beat them," Choe said. "Most of the people here are celebrating the win, but to me, the game was just another shoddy match. Poor officiating skills. They can't read a foul from a mile away."

"Well, at least they weren't doing it against us," Hong said.

"You mean that refs called it against those poorr girls?" Yu said, outraged. "That's the problem with you men! Always thinking that girls are just some pawn to played around with. But we're not!"

"Relax, Yu-sshi!" Hansu said, not wanting to have another discussion about the match. Kim was right on time with his beer delivery, as Yu sat down in her comfortable zone once more. She still wasn't happy, but at least she had her beer, cold and fresh from the tap. Hansu decided to offer his opinion. "Referees are supposed to be fair. They are like judges on the field..."

"They arer judges on the field," Choe remarked.

"... and if they can't judge fairly, they can't judge at all. Those people should fire them and get new and fair refs."

"Well, I just think that the World Cup Hosts are preparing their refs for the big occasion," Choe said, offering his opinion. "They'll want refs that are the most biased and can hide it the best. Clearly, the refs in Group 2 aren't doing so well, because everyone can it happening. Which is a good thing, because you won't see these guys taking the field in the World Cup. Just means that we'll have to play against stronger refs."

"Wait, the players play against the refs too?" Hansu said. And he had just gotten this game down to the bone too! Now he learns that there's another game to play altogether?

"Of course! Just like the defendants in a court room, the players are always playing with the ref," Choe explained. They'll want to put out the fouls in their favor, all of those hand raising for the ball. If the ref can't see the ball go out, he'll pick the guy who raised his hand first. Football is a very complicated sport, with all of these different interactions that most people don't speculate about most of the time, just because they're that deep to read. Of course, the SLANI players always manage to cheat out their games because they choose SLANI refs."

"That's non-sense," Hong replied. "The only bad refs that are chosen are the ones that fall through the cracks. You've got to be a less speculative about matchs because of what the ref did. These are just bad refs, plain and simple."

"But the SLANIs selected them."

"I'm not sure about that," Hong replied. "I think you'd need to investigate that first."

Suddenly, out of nowhere, Chan slammed his cane on Choe's hand, tapping all through the noise of the pub. In that instant, a loud snap echoed throughout the room, leaving behind it an awesome silence. Everyone at the table was stunned, especially Choe, whose fingers now felt like they'd been chopped off. The patrons all gazed at Chan and then at Choe, who had the most awkward gesture in the room that night - a combination of extreme discomfort and extreme impatience. Needless to say, Choe gave out a long and loud cry in pain.

"What the %$#^ was that for?" he said.

"Stop tapping your fingers on the table!" Chan replied, in the most awkwardly polite yet loud manner. Slowly, the crowd started to return to their normal routines as Choe stumbled out of his chair, sucking his hand and pulling out a cigarette. Hansu was a bit awe-struck like the rest of the crew, but as he came out, he smiled to everyone else. "It's surprising how much order can come out of something like that."

http://i159.photobucket.com/albums/t156/daehanjeiguk/Companies/MBC.png

SLANI SLANI SLANI SLANI SLANI SLANI SLANI SLANI Refs Again!

HANSEONG - Okay, so what part of "SLANI" don't you understand? This is ridiculous! Today, we played against those girls, and the refs just practically handed us another game on a silver platter. I think the SLANI officials are taking this way too humourously, because there is nothing in any book that says rectify a bad game with another bad game. We just want a fair game, so no one can start complaining about whose ref SLANIed whom. And now that we've played against the whiniest team in the Group (whiniest, in that they whine about us), we were just hoping, just hoping maybe, maybe the refs wouldn't SLANI tonight. Well, hoping does only so much for the soul before you must vomit it back out in a slurry mix of nuts and beer.

So we started off the match rather cleanly until the 3rd minute when Jeong Jihun tripped over a clump of grass in the middle of the penalty area. The Cassadaiguans were all over him calling something (those translators say "DIVE! DIVE! DIVE!"; I thought they were talking about a submarine, until the translator told me that they were saying the Jeong Jihun was diving; a load of hogwash, as the nearest Cassadaiguan player was 3 meters away, giving Jeong Jihun all the clearance he needed to make a shot before he tripped). Whatever was the case, the ref came over and called a penalty. That's right, you heard me; a [i]penalty. For what?!? Huddling around a fallen guy and yelling "DIVE!"? I think everyone in the stadium knew what was going to happen and after two games of it already, we weren't about to be pleased with a second encore. And whether it was a bad miss or good shot, Jeong Jihun slotted the penalty away. Two minutes later, while the Han were making an excellent drive down the flanks, Yi Yeongpyo stumbled into a defender, who clearly took the ball, and the ref gave her a yellow card. WTF? Yellow cards for not even touching the guy? It's like "touch the ball and you get a yellow card!" sort of thing. The really frustrating thing was that the Han had completely exposed the Cassadaiguan defense - even with that steal (Baek Jihun could have recovered the ball to Yi Yeongpyo), and made a good effort on goal. Instead, we wasted a free kick. Luckily, we did have one good opportunity for a clean goal tonight, as we made a weave around the Cassadaiguan players and Kim Mihyeon took the ball and blasted it into the net. Of course, the Cassadaiguans complained that they weren't playing defense because they just got the yellow card... possibly, but I think that they were more stupefied by the play than the card. The game started to even out over the first half and into the second half, the Cassadaiguans looked to be threatening our flanks for a tempting shot attempt (and a good one at that). Oh no! The ref pulled out another SLANI call! And now the Han had the ball. And now we played up, we played it down, Jeong Jihun got the ball, and he tripped over the same %$#^ clump of grass. No one around him at all as the ball fell out of play. You'd have thunk that the Cassadaiguans would have learned after that first round, but they didn't. "DIVE! DIVE! DIVE!" and the Cassadaiguans received another penalty. Apparently Jeong Jihun knew what they were saying, because he slotted that penalty too.

And so, the ended a glorious 3-0, and yet most righteous Han fans would have said that the game ended 1-0. Thanks to the SLANI refs, we've got a whining team calling us SLANI. First of all, you would have noticed that Ioshido Toki was protesting every call that the refs were making (and since the ref wasn't penalizing us, even for that one slide tackle that didn't quite hit the ball, that was pretty any penalty on the Cassadaiguans). Of course, with the Cassadaiguans not knowing what he said, it was a good chance that they thought he was celebrating every moment that the refs gave us back "retribution". To be fair, the refs did give us retribution. They gave them the same treatment as we received at their game. But to be honest, that's not what we wanted. And thanks to SLANI refs, we've got those girls whining once again about us. Oh, I hope that the Candelarisians take care off them again, because even though the game they had wasn't fair, they certainly didn't act quite fair in their judgment. Of course, as immature women, they were probably eschewed by their diminuitive views of men (of course, the only other goal of the match was by Kim Mihyeon, so it's either sexist or racist).* I think that it would be only right and fair if they were properly educated on the matters of how the Han conduct themselves ethically and morally, because SLANI refs are never part of our game. If the Cassadaiguans have any genuine complaint, they should writing them to those SLANI World Cup Organizers for selecting those SLANI refs for this match.

* The user writing these statement does not believe at all what he is writing and hopes that those reading it see it only as an IC statement; feel free to complain ICly though :D

Goal Tally
10 - Jeong Jihun
8 - Kim Mihyeon
3 - Kim Daeeui
2 - Baek Jihun, Yi Yeongpyo
1 - Pak Yongho

The Not-So-Big Eleven

Every year, the action gets faster, the hits get harder and the talent gets better. To keep you somewhat in the know, we decided to (try) and bring about a list of the top 11 players this World Cup to make what we consider to be the ultimate team. Continuing in that spirit, it's only fair that we now round up the rejects and name and shame the best of the worst from this world cup...


Goalkeeper

To be a good goalkeeper requires agility, brains and eyes of an eagle. It is, perhaps, one of the hardest jobs on the pitch to excel at. But, it has to be said, it's also pretty hard to be bad at goalkeeping. Just by standing in the net, eventually you're going to block a shot or two. Even a Bostopian politician could pull this job off. To be named the worst goalkeeper in the game is pretty much labelling you as a non-existent entity. You can't even stop a shot just be being there, the ball goes right on through and into the back of that net. So, sorry to this chap, but maybe you can turn your talents of being nearly non-existent to some other trade.

Winchester Furman

With only a few match days left to go, Quintessence of Dust's number of goals against is getting ready to tip into the big three-oh. Whilst there are some teams out there with a higher figure than this already, all you have to do is watch some of the replays to see just why Furman has landed himself this, uhm, prestigious honour. Watching Furman bounce around the net invokes a similar feeling to watching this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pa1pIO4_lUY), this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E6o2zWv6REQ) or this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=92C7Vc-7ChE). You're not sure whether you should laugh or cry, but you leave feeling smug knowing that there's always someone in the world worse off than yourself at life.

__________


Defence

But, of course, it's not always the goalkeepers fault that the ball has ended up in the net. They are, after all, the last line of defence. There usually has to be four goons in front of the keeper who have to screw up pretty badly for things to go tits up for the team. So, in that case, let's see just who the four biggest goons are...


Dr. Fletcher M. Dengly, Jesse van den Ouden, Stuart McLaughlin, Oliver Arnold

A doctor from a frozen wasteland, a man nearing the end of his career, a McLaughlin and a Bostopian. A group which would not be out of place staring in their own sitcom, and, funnily enough, this lot would probably bring hours of entertainment to viewers as it is. The good doctor goes up there for being an elderly man who is about as much use as a used tetanus jab, van der Ouden graces the list for merely being abysmal in our eyes, as does McLaughlin, and Arnold is up there because, well, he's Bostopian. We know we're not supposed to hold that against him.

But we will.

__________


Midfield

Aah, and now we come to the all-rounders. Whether they're working the backfield, pushing forwards or just running the wings, the midfielders are the essential bridge between the defence and the attack. They can be what make a defence click into position, or the bunch that makes that game-winning goal work. They are the everymen of football. But what happens when those everymen turn into nobodies? What happens when your midfield is about as useful as a sack of venomous leeks?

Well, you end up with these four.


Brian Hill, Zeke Jr., George Morrison, Action Man

Hill, hailing from Liventia, is probably one of the key reasons the nation is trailing with a goal difference of negative five. Considering the Liventia side is somewhat strong, Hill seems to be the only weak link that's dragging them down. We know it's not all about one player on the pitch, but when it comes to Hill, we can't help but feel like the blame can only land on one man’s shoulders. Good ol' Junior, from Taeshan, on the other hand, is something of an embarrassment to watch play. You get the feeling he's only on the team because, funnily enough, his father juuuust so happens to be the national coach! Morrison, on the other hand, only hangs about to make use of a somewhat decent left shot. He's probably the best player listed here, but the fact remains that Sarzonia would probably do a hell of a lot better if they just kept him on the bench. And Action Man... well, he's an action figure from Dariusville. What's the world coming to?

__________


Attack

The boys at the frontline, the players whose sole purpose is to get that ball in the back of the opposition's net. They need finesse, power, flair and, most importantly, a good connection with whoever their working with up front. You could have two of the best strikers in the cup, but if they don't get along, all you're going to get is a punch up by the end of qualifying.

Charlie Humber, François Lafontaine

A Bostopian and a Septentrionian. They go together like a cup of tea and tomato juice ice cubes, water and Francium, yoghurt and a yeast infection. Now, don’t get me wrong, both of these are quite adept strikers in their own right. Humber is youthful and full of energy, Lafontaine is older and more reserved. But these two would bump heads like bulls on steroids in a dodgems ride.

Greali World Cup Qualifying Schedule
MD1: Greal VS Daehanjeiguk (2-2)
MD2: Greal VS Candelaria And Marquez (2-3)
MD3: Greal VS Mo Land 3 (4-0)
MD4: Greal VS Achtervolging (1-1)
MD5: Greal VS Cassadaigua (1-0)
MD6: Greal VS Taeshan (3-2)
MD7: Greal VS Albundania (3-1)
MD8: Greal VS Daehanjeiguk (0-2)
MD9: Greal VS Candelaria And Marquez (1-4)
MD10: Greal VS Mo Land 3 (4-1)
MD11: Greal VS Achtervolging (1-0)
MD12: Greal VS Cassadaigua
MD13: Greal VS Taeshan
MD14: Greal VS Albundania

Greal VS Cassadaigua Preview

Today the Greali play against Cassadaigua. Last time they met, the Greal won narrowly. That does mean however that today's game will be anything but easy. It is ABSOLUTELY CRUCIAL that the Greali must win this game if they want to qualify for the first time ever. The hype for the next three games has exploded as the media began publicizing the Greal soccer wins more often then usual. Greali Television Service reported the hype will cause the number of viewers to increase beyond of what was expected. Its like the entire nation of Greal will cheering the Greali team on. Ross Trent says any support for his team is appreciated.

In other matches...

Taeshan plays Achtervolging today.

Battered Albundania plays equally battered Mo Land 3.

The Han Empire plays Candelaria And Marquez.

--------------------------------------------------------------

"Today is the day folks."

"Today is the day." said Jeff again, pleased with himself. "Welcome to my esteemed home."

"Do you think you're a king?" asked Brian, chuckling and looking wildly around the house.

"Yes I do that. I love quoting Great Kings."

"Is that the movie where two kings rule a city state and both kill each other until one dies?" asked Ethan.

"Yes, thats the one. Great movie."

"Stay out of the movie business guys." said Ross, turning on the TV. "The remote doesn't work."

"Oh, you have to put fresh batteries in, forgot to do that."

"There are crowds of people everywhere holding support sighs for the team." reported Roger, looking outside through the window.

"Nice, maybe we'll do the same when we become desperate one day and have nothing better to do." said Brian, returning from his search, which found a few beer packs.

"Well this is it. The game against Cassadaigua is after this preview." said Ross.

The TV was finally working.

No.

“Well, good afternoon everyone, and welcome to the Egaigus Dome for this Wo–”

“You don’t know that…”

“I… Well it might be.”

“You didn’t actually check though, did you?”

“I didn’t know I’d be commentating!”

“You still could’ve checked… It might be a Stadium, or Ground or Street or Park or anything!”

“I’m going with Dome. Er, for this World Cup Fort–”

“Or Arena.”

“Shut up! World Cup Forty-Five Qualify–”

“Field.”

“QualifyingmatchbetweenAlbundaniaandCandel–”

“Avenue.”

“Candelariaand… Oh well, if we’re allowing Avenue, what about Way? Or Common? Lane? Alley? Where is it going to stop, Joseph? WHERE IS IT GOING TO STOP?!”

“Cul-de-Sac?”

“Shut up, no-one plays at a… Fine. WELCOME, everyone, you join us at the Egaigus Cul-de-Sac for this World Cup Forty-Five Qualifying encounter between Albundania and Candelaria And Marquez. Albundania in the red and white stripes, C&M in their traditional blue with green wobbly bits. The home side, without a win in ten matches, will be playing from right to left in the first ha–”

“Left-to-right. We’re starting with the second-half, ‘cos the first-half was crap. You sure it was Egaigus, by the way, ‘cos I don’t thi–”

“Do you want to do this?”

“I don’t want to be here at all, I’m the Albundania captain. I don’t even have a name. And they have other cities, y’know. There’s one called Johnson Sea Base, and one called Euphe–”

“Joinusheretodayat the one million billion trillion all-seater Johnson Sea Base Cul-de-Sac, where Albundania, who are rubbish, take on Candelaria And Marquez, wooo, yay, who are playing from left to right ‘cos we aren’t doing the first half. Your match referee today is Aiden Harrison, nine and three months, from number thirteen Robinson Boulevard, and yes I know ‘Boulevard’ is another option, Joseph Taylor, so you can just shut up, and he has the whistle… he doesn’t have a whistle, but he’s whistling anyway, and David Spooner and Abdul Ibadulla kick off… And an Albundania midfielder intercepts, and it goes out for a throw-in, which Aaron Kortsarian will take… And the referee’s given a foul throw, and that’s… Oh… Oh, we don’t like to see that in professional football, no… And Aaron Kortsarian’s received his marching orders there for… um…”

“YEAH, AND DON’T THINK WE DIDN’T SEE THAT, DOMINIC, YOU LITTLE POOFT–”

“We don’t need extraneous commentary, thank you! The Albundania right-back receives a yellow card for foul and offensive commentary. Elgin Dannat, wearing a very fetching t-shirt and jeans ensemble number there, is bringing on… er… a new Aaron Kortsarian… And he takes his position, and we can restart with a drop-ball. Kortsarian Two has it on the left now, can’t find David Spooner on the Caires City striker’s twenty-third appearance for his country, and it rolls back to Ben Zec… Still with Candelaria And Marquez now, good spell of pressure this, wi–”

“Do you have to call to call them Candelaria And Marquez?”

“Fine… And the ball’s still with our Oppressors from the Mainland and the Other, Smaller Mainland, and it’s out to Niv Cohen, wh–”

“I’m Niv Cohen!”

“You’re bloody not!”

“Jhanna said I could be Niv Cohen! You’re always Niv Cohen!”

“I’m Jewish!”

“So?”

“That means I get to be Niv Cohen!”

“Jhanna! Tell Ethan he can’t be Niv Cohen again!”

“SHUT UP! I’m trying to commentate… You can both be Niv Cohen, except I’ll call Jamie ‘Harvey Vavasour’ to avoid confusion? Happy?”

“I guess…”

“It’s your free-kick, anyway… Good. Right, Vavasour-who-is-Cohen stands over the ball, strokes it towards Ibadulla, wh–”

“Hang on, what if I don’t want to be Ibadulla?”

“You’re always Ibadulla.”

“Exactly! It’s just crass stereotyping…”

“Oscar, you’re Han…”

“Still ethnic, innit? I want to be David Spooner.”

“Amy Miller’s God’s Power Adekunde and she’s ginger. Count yourself lucky. You’re staying Ibadulla. Not shut up, ‘co–”

“Who died and made you boss anyway?”

“I’m the commentator!”

“Doesn’t mean you get to decide who has to be Ibadulla. You don’t own me, Leo Kelly!”

“Your mam cleans my mam’s floors, so technically I do! And if you don’t shut up you’re going to miss the goal, so…”

“Dun’t matter anyway, wasn’t involved in the goal, Cohen scored the goal…”

“Oh I see, you only wanted to be Cohen so you could score the goal, I never get to score the goal, Jhanna, tell Ethan I can score the goal!”

“I’LL SCORE A BLOODY OWN GOAL IN A MINUTE UNLESS SOMEBODY SCORES THE BLOODY GOAL!”

“Fine! Niv Cohen with the ball, passes one man, passes another, rounds the Albundania left-back, into the bo–”

“You don’t get to commentate on your own goals! I’m the commentator, I get t–”

“And it’s Niv Cohen, who shapes up an–”

“Is tackled by Lleyton McEvoy, who boots it upfield!”

“He’s Bazalonian, he wasn’t even playing, and Cohen’s supposed to score the–”

“And the ball’s taken on by Harry Oughton, beautiful skill from Harry Oughton, who…”

“…finds Darren Scotland, who…”

“…is tackled superbly by Nug-Ug, wh–”

“Stop it! You’re not playing properly, and I’m the commentator!”

“…passes to Michelle Durosa who controls it with her chest and passes it to…”

“Eh?”

“And I pass it to…?”

“Michelle Durosa’s a girl, Luke.”

“And? I can be Michelle Durosa if I want to be.”

“Yeah, but…”

“You want to come over here and tell me I can’t be Michelle Durosa?”

“…and Espy va Drake has the ball and he’s launching one to…”

“NIV COHEN, wh–”

“You’re not Niv Cohen, I’–”

“…but he’s caught dawdling on the ball and it’s intercepted by Carlos Marossi, who’s into the box, and shtsndcp*$£?!%€&!”

Elgin Dannat and her Albundanian counterpart rolled their eyes and trotted over to the penalty box on the scrap of grass on their rec in their village just outside Zapata, and set about prising apart Carlos Marossi né Ryan Wilkinson and Graham Noh’arms né Gabriel Shervashidze. As fifteen-year-old soon-to-be professional footballers at Green Island Zapata FC; Elgin Dannat née Jhanna Young and Albundanian Counterpart né Will Owen weren’t permitted to play football beyond the controlled setting of the GIZ’s academy, and were forced to take on managerial roles during neighbourhood knockabouts. Jhanna put a comforting hand on Caleb Christmas né Max Palmer’s shoulder.

“Your defending’s getting much better, y’know…”

He grinned sheepishly. “Been practising lots. You reckon Green Island might pick me up sometime soon?”

“Oh, it’s a sure thing. You can’t be any worse than Valaina Tinúviel,” the girl laughed.

“Yeah… I reckon Davies and the rest shouldn’t’ve brung all them stoopid elves in anyhow, when they’ve got kids like us to pick from!”

There was an awkward silence, punctuated only by a cheerful scuffle between the Niv Cohens. Jhanna shrugged. “Whatever… Um, shall we restart with a goal kick, or…”

“That’s what me dad says, anyhow. ‘Bout the elves an’ that.”

“Your dad’s thick. I want to be Caleb Christmas.”

“I’m Caleb Christmas, and if my dad’s thick then’s so’s your dad, Cam, ‘cos I know for a fact that my dad’s the same as your dad.”

Cameron shrugged noncommittally. “Could be. Small rural community, it’s pot luck, innit?”

The children’s attention was slowly been drawn towards a nearby bush, which was shaking in a most peculiar manner. Throwing caution, and several of Mrs Williamson’s Safety in the Community classes, to the wind; Amy Miller pottered over and poked it with a stick.

The bush produced a man in a hat.

“Er… Hi. Um, which one was the one who…? Hi, yeah…” He wandered over towards Max and produced a pen and paper. “Sorry, could you just sign here, mate?”

“I… um…”

“Just write yer name, lad. A big X would do, frankly.”

“What’s it…?”

“Just says you don’t actually think there’s any such thing as… the thing what you just said,” the man sighed. “Come on, let’s not make a day of it… Thanks. Er, I believe you were about to restart with a goal kick?”

“I guess…”

The C&M back four watched him go, before Max fed the ball back to Gabriel. The ball duly sailed into the sky.

“My dad reckons that there are talking bears we don’t get told about,” Amy Miller slash God’s Power Adekunde offered after a while.

“Actually, my uncle says about the elves as well,” Cameron admitted, “And he says that there are actually these little goblins that sit on people’s stomachs an–”

“Look,” Jhanna interrupted, preparing to fib authoritatively, “My dad has actually been to Starblaydia, and the Eesseff, and all over the place, and he says there are definitely no elves, or talking bears, or goblins, or zombies, or fairies, or vampires or anything, they don’t exist, so could you all please just…”

The bush was wobbling again. Jhanna sighed, wandered over, and kicked it.

The bush produced a familiar-looking man in a hat.

“You still here?”

The man cowered in the face of the girl’s forthright expression. “Um, yes, I…”

“Didn’t you have a different hat on earlier?”

“Yeah… Different shoes too, you’ll note.”

“Oh yes…”

“Covering two different jobs,” he explained sadly. “Credit crunch, y’know? So, um…” He drew out a sheet of paper and a pen. “Would you mind just signing here, luv?”

“Er…”

“Just to say that you do think that fairies exist. ‘Cos honestly sweetheart, they can get a right cob on when one of their number pops his or her fairy clogs after a thoughtless statement like the aforesaid.”

“Oh… kay. Just here?”

“Please, I…” He trailed off and stared towards a point in the middle-distance, above the children’s heads. “Thanks. Iwasneverhere!”

In a flash he was gone, careering across the field and diving over the hill. Jhanna sighed in relief. “I guess he was a pervert after all… Good thing, actually, ‘cos I was starting to think he was some sort of sinister government agent or…”

“No, that’d be us.” The point in the middle-distance had turned out to be several suited gentleman wandering towards Johnson Sea Base Cul-de-Sac. A young one in shades smiled toothily. “Playing football then? Nice to see, nice to see, just what we’re looking for. So, tell me kids, how would you lot like to play your part in the development of football on Green Island, eh? And maybe get some proper facilities, rather than this old dump? Proper training. Our new pee em, y’see, peacebeuponhim, has biiig plans for football on the island – and you kids can take a central role! What d’you say, eh?”

The children glanced at each other, and shared grins. New facilities, proper training… a central role...

“I think I speak for all of us,” the commentator offered primly, “When I say that we’d all like that very much.” He glanced at Jhanna all the same, who shrugged.

“Fantastic,” the man smiled, “You kids won’t regret this!” He paused thoughtfully, and bent down towards Max and Amy. “Don’t suppose you kids are familiar with the term ‘sweatshop’, are you?”

They shook their heads.

“Glorious, glorious… Avast then, kids! Let’s talk business!” He ushered them forwards, and turned round to his associates as he left. “Mick, if you want to move the diggers in now…? Glorious. Soo… Fancy yourself the next Caleb Christmas, do you?”

“Yeah.”

“Fantastic. By the time you’re grown up, o’course, Green Island’ll have its own national team… Won’t that be just ace?”

“Yeah!”

“Yeah… Glorious.”

WORLD CUP 40 - GLOBO MULTIMEDIA'S ARCHIVE
Matchday 1 of World Cup 40's Group Stage

"And Cafundéu seems to be in rrrrreally bad situation rrrrrright now, with Capitalizt SLANI scorrrrring another goal, prrrrrractically closing the game with this six to thrrrrrree rrrrrrresult. A goalfest today, unforrrrrrrtunately the victorrrrrry won't go to Cafundéu, which in the last cup was able to defeat these same opponents. This will surrrrrrely be a bad starrrrrrrt for Caio Meback's team in this Worrrrrrld Cup, especially as he, the coach, was so confident about Cafundéu's chances in this Worrrrrld Cup, as Cafundéu became a top ten rrrrrranked team for the firrrrrrst time. The image of that supporrrrrrter who waited for the playerrrrrrs to leave the hotel. He talked brrrrrriefly with Caio Meback, and asked: "Keep me satisfied!" Now surrrrrrrely he isn't satisfied, as I bet nearrrrrrly all the Cafundelense supporrrrrterrrrrrs arrrrren't too. The National Team coach must be without any orrrrrientation rrrrright now, with the blow of this rrrrrresult... probably thinks now about all of the strrrrrange things cirrrrrculating rrrrrrround, without noticing they arrrrrrre the playerrrrrrs and the ball."

"And the game ends, with the victorrrrrrry of Capitalizt SLANI in this game valid for the Grrrrrroup E of Worrrrrrld Cup forrrrrty. The top firrrrrrst seed of the cup defeats the top second seed. Six for them, thrrrrree for Cafundéu. And this loss surrrrrrely will crrrrrrreate some big prrrrrrroblems to Caio Meback, some that we can't even imagine... er, I mean, well all the people have got their prrrrroblems, that ain't nothing new. The fact is that now the Cafundelense team coach will have to keep the team's motivation in a good level, as therrrrrrre arrrrrre still two games to be played in this grrrrrroup stage. Of course it will have some impact, as therrrrrrre werrrrrre high expectations over the Monopolists for this game, and the final rrrrrrresult disappointed the supporrrrrterrrrrs. Do we have other rrrrrrresults of the Worrrrrld Cup so far? Yes, we all know the yesterrrrrday rrrrrresults, we want now to know morrrrrre about today's rrrrresults... not yet? Oh well, so the way is to make contact with our rrrrrreporrrrrterrrrrrs in the field, who arrrrrre waiting to get some worrrrrrds frrrrrrom the playerrrrrs and the coach."

"Well, Breno Gavião, I am here on the field waiting to see if the players will give an interview to Globo Multimedia... they should, as we pay the CCFM for this and have a contract, but you know how they sometimes are. Look, there is Flecha going to the dressing room right now, we'll try to talk to him... no, he won't talk. See? That's what I told you seconds ago, some players disrespect the agreement that we have with the CCFM... well, now let's see if Marcelo Rocha talks, he is close to me... just said "bad result" and left too... well, there is our last attempt, the midfielder Éverton... he said he needs to go immediately to the bathroom and is just because of this that he won't talk with us... I see. Wait, the coach Caio Meback appeared, this is our chance to get a proper interview, we need to talk to him! Mr. Meback, Mr. Meback, please talk to us, I'll complain to the CCFM!"

MEBACK - "Okay, okay, I'll give the interview. What do you want to know?"

REPORTER - "I think that a loss against the current champions and top ranked team of the world would be something expected, but... as Cafundéu defeated Capitalizt SLANI in the last World Cup there were some expectations that this could happen again... how the team dealt with it?""

MEBACK - "To be honest, I don't think these expectations harmed the team, if that's what you were expecting to hear. They gave their best like they would without this pressure. Capitalizt SLANI was in a better day and knew how to stop us."

REPORTER - "But you think that this result, although perfectly normal, can harm the team's chances in this World Cup?""

MEBACK - "If we don't forget this and raise our heads soon this can be very harmful, really. I just hope this doesn't affect the team."

REPORTER - "Are you going to make changes in the team for the next game?"

MEBACK - "Surely, I just can't put the same tactics of today's game. But it won't be easy to find the right strategy: it ain't easy to get to heaven when you're going down."

REPORTER - "Do you think Bostopia can be a menace in the next game?"

MEBACK - "We are better than them, at least on paper, but everything can happen."

REPORTER - "Do you believe Cafundéu can make a remarkable campaign in this World Cup?"

MEBACK - "I hope so, we'll work hard, and maybe we'll get there in the end."

Just make sure you get nine points. If you don't qualification will be nothing but a dream. The hard one will be Kura-Pelland, but I'll be there with you. Just have faith and believe.

Annnnnnnnnd hi. Here we are in Lurikastan before their clash with the team from Peisandros. What's that? Who is Lurikastan? I don't really know. Good question. But they have some players, like, 'The Man' and 'El Duke'. With nicknames like that, I reckon they're going to be pretty good! Apparently in the first round game in Peisandros, the travelling team got a draw! At home they must be favourites. Huh? They're not? Oh Peisandros is an okay team? Sooo Peisandros will be looking to take three points from this game! Infact taking a glance at group nine, they NEED to get these points.

In my expert opinion I think the game will be won with goals! I think the team who gets the most will take the three points. The Sandrian coach isn't doing any interviews with us common folk because he has a crush on one reporter, bastard. Whaaa? She's really hot? Alexander Pappas well done! It's totally fair enough he isn't doing any other interviews, I'm proud of him. Anyway Peisandros needs to win. They'll be fucked if they don't. I can't? Why not? Apologies for the last remark! Hope you didn't hear it kiddies. Enjoy the game, we'll be around later to act like we know what's going on!

Full Schedule.
Pre Friendlies
vs Bears Armed @ National Sports Arena, Olympia. 2-1.
Qualifying Stage One.
vs Bostopia @ National Sports Arena, Olympia. 0-1
vs Colbourne @ People of Ephesum Stadium, Ephesum. 1-0
vs Bazalonia @ Peisandros Bowl, Delphi. 1-0
at Edward City. 4-2
vs Lurikastan @ People of Ephesum Stadium, Ephesum. 2-2
at Kura-Pelland. 0-1
vs Mantwenic @ National Sports Arena, Olympia. 2-0.
Mid Friendlies
vs Jeruselem @ National Sports Arena, Olympia. 0-3
at Ad'ihan. 0-1
Qualifying Stage Two.
at Bostopia. 1-4
at Colbourne. 1-1
at Bazalonia. 2-2
vs Edward City @ People of Ephesum Stadium, Ephesum. 1-0
at Lurikastan.
vs Kura-Pelland @ National Sports Arena, Olympia.
at Mantwenic.
Post Friendlies
vs Myedvedeya (Unsure where).
at Krytenia.
at Taeshan.

Matchday 12 results (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14603138&postcount=15) are now up.