NationStates Jolt Archive

Yeah, I wanted something snazzy, but my creative gene just aint working tonight. So, all you football enthusiasts, elves, whores, monks, and whatnot, I present to you

http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/logos/worldcup45/

Please TG scheduled friendlies to New Manhattan.

Qualifying Draw

Group 1
Liventia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14570864&postcount=63)
West Newmanistan (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14540577&postcount=33)
Myedvedeya (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14539022&postcount=31)
Rennidan (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14561532&postcount=49)
Hypocria (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14535936&postcount=28)
Lovisa
Yafor II (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14562525&postcount=53)
West Zirconia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14539717&postcount=32)

Group 2
Mo Land 3
Achtervolging (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14561933&postcount=51)
Greal (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14512841&postcount=9)
Taeshan (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14512125&postcount=5)
Albundania
The Han Empire (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14558257&postcount=40)
Candelaria And Marquez (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14559649&postcount=42)
Cassadaigua (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14556521&postcount=39)

Group 3
Ierissos
Milchama
Akbarabad (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14511491&postcount=4)
Arroza (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14555289&postcount=38)
Rymeria
Govindia
Septentrionia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14602809&postcount=64)
Prux (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14537482&postcount=29)

Group 4
Secristan (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14559623&postcount=41)
Valanora (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14560973&postcount=45)
San Castello
Logria (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14566324&postcount=60)
Jasīʼyūn (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14566054&postcount=59)
Koseli Cumhuriyetler (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14529387&postcount=22)
Forn Parts (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14552335&postcount=37)
Jeru FC (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14527480&postcount=21)

Group 5
Kemball Island (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14532146&postcount=23)
Panuul (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14517016&postcount=17)
The Bostopian Empire (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14535377&postcount=27)
Urna Eletrônica (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14564634&postcount=54)
The Archregimancy (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14546956&postcount=35)
Vephrall (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14547085&postcount=36)
Newmanistan (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14537770&postcount=30)
Draistania

Group 6
The Macabees
Dancougar (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14561121&postcount=47)
Kosovoe (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14512132&postcount=6)
Invisible Wabbits (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14568717&postcount=62)
Bears Armed (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14562351&postcount=52)
The McLaughlin Islands (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14561537&postcount=50)
Qazox (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14510892&postcount=2)
Bushdome

Group 7
Green Wombat (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14534737&postcount=26)
Starblaydia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14559901&postcount=44)
Dariusville (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14518423&postcount=18)
Garlano
The Holy Empire (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14542460&postcount=34)
Krytenia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14515594&postcount=14)
Allemenschen (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14565668&postcount=56)
Legendar

Group 8
Quintessence of Dust (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14515162&postcount=13)
Noásahi
Terreiro de Ogum (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14566339&postcount=61)
Yafalonia and Bazor 2 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14512733&postcount=8)
Sarzonia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14514770&postcount=12)
Greston
Cafundéu (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14533981&postcount=25)
Sorthern Northland (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14561148&postcount=48)

Group 9
Edward City (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14532792&postcount=24)
Lurikastan (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14559785&postcount=43)
Kura-Pelland
Peisandros (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14513287&postcount=10)
Bostopia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14514331&postcount=11)
Colbourne (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14523296&postcount=19)
Bazalonia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14512693&postcount=7)
Mantwenic

Group 10
Lecland (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14510943&postcount=3)
Patetopia
Ad’ihan (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14564850&postcount=55)
Jeruselem (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14527477&postcount=20)
Nethertopia
Wing Wang Woo
Blouman Empire
Kelssek (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14516225&postcount=15)

Hosts
Demot (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14561006&postcount=46)
SLANI (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14566048&postcount=58)

Fixtures
matchday 1: 1v8, 2v7, 3v6, 4v5
matchday 2: 8v5, 4v6, 3v7, 2v1
matchday 3: 2v8, 3v1, 4v7, 5v6
matchday 4: 8v6, 7v5, 1v4, 2v3
matchday 5: 3v8, 4v2, 5v1, 6v7
matchday 6: 8v7, 1v6, 2v5, 3v4
matchday 7: 4v8, 5v3, 6v2, 7v1
matchdays 8–14 are the reverse of 1–7
matchday 8: 8v1, 7v2, 6v3, 5v4
matchday 9: 5v8, 6v4, 3v7, 1v2
matchday 10: 8v2, 1v3, 7v4, 6v5
matchday 11: 6v8, 5v7, 4v1, 3v2
matchday 12: 8v3, 2v4, 1v5, 7v6
matchday 13: 7v8, 6v1, 5v2, 4v3
matchday 14: 8v4, 3v5, 2v6, 1v7

Useful Links
Rosters (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=583479)
Bid Details (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=581079)
Results (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=585294)
BoF 32 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=583365)
Discussion Thread
Schedule (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=536285)

Somewhere within the QFA:

"I'm telling you, we have to at least make the round of 16 this time. QSPN is threatening to cancel the last WC on the deal, and niether QBC or QOX is interested in carring the Cup. Our ratings have gone down 42% since World Cup 41. No, its not all the group stage flameouts. There strong competition from the QAG, NQBL, the QHL. Yes I've gotten rid of most of the team from 2 years ago. Only de Olivares remains. Why? Because he is the only one with experience we could get that would even dare coach this team. What? You're not serious. If we don't make the round of 16, I'm fired? But sir, this is only my 4th day on the job! Well you are the boss. I got another call coming in, sir. I got to go. Thank you sir. Good-bye"

Marc Statham reclined in his new office. and looked around. '4 days in, and I'm already on the hook' if this team sucks. he thought, as he reached for a bottle of Tia Tequila under his desk. It looked like it would be a very long 2 years.

"So, where are all the oldies?"
"Gone pretty much. Pappas decided to use the younger folk from fourty four and that Di Bradini thing."
"Well, there isn't much experience then is there."
"I dunno, I think they retained quite a lot of the squad actually."
"Still, I don't like it. There are some great players in the Premier who missed out to younger blokes. I don't like it."
"It's all about building for the future, you know that."
"The future is all well and good, but what about the now?"
"We've still got a very good team."
"Yeah, a good team with no experience. They won't make it to the second round this time."
"Well, I agree with you on that one. Not because of experience though, I just think the honeymoon is over."
"Honeymoon? Maybe you're right, but I think it comes down to experience. Which, by the way, we don't have much of."
"Okay, whatever. Either way, we agree they won't get so far this time. Do you think they'll even make the World Cup?"
"Mmmm, probably not. They'll struggle to qualify. I think it's because they lack exp-"
"Yeah, I get it. Experience, not much of it. I think they can qualify. But they won't get passed that, not this time."
"We'll see. Will you go to any of the games?"
"Maybe just to see if Costa still has it or not. I don't mind watching at home though. If it's raining I definitely won't go. My bones hurt when it gets cold."

Well aware of the possibility that he'd be accused of nepotism, Dave Wilson silently decided he wasn't going to vote.

The Incorporated Football Federation's vote on whether to extend the contract of manager Brian Wilson -- Dave Wilson's son -- was today. He guided an unranked Stars side to a record that looked underwhelming on paper. In World Cup qualifying, AOCAF XXV and Cup of Harmony play, the Stars were a combined 6-8-7. Add in the friendlies, and Sarzonia's record stood at 6-11-9.

However, almost everyone associated with the team knew the record itself was deceiving. Sarzonia were expected to be the Group 2 whipping boys along with O Ale Ale. They were expected to be on the wrong end of many a rout. They were expected to be the fraternity pledge getting whacked by a paddle and being forced to say "thank you sir, may I please have another?" while gritting their teeth from the pain.

However, that Stars team only faced three such blowouts. One was before it began World Cup qualifying against the sixth ranked team in the world, a Starblaydia side that Brian Wilson said could very easily lift the cup. Little did anyone know he'd turned prescient as Starblaydia in fact won the championship. The second blowout defeat was to a West Zirconia side in its first away fixture of World Cup qualifying. The third was a 3:0 loss to Fidelia in AOCAF XXV that preceded two one-goal setbacks.

Other than those results, the Stars remained surprisingly competitive. They defeated the world's No. 11 ranked side Daehanjeiguk at Bryan Marshall Memorial Stadium in Woodstock. They played world No. 1 Valanora, cause for Brian Wilson to smash a coffee mug against the wall of his office, to two draws. Earning a draw at home was shock enough, but a 3:3 draw away? Especially with a 2:3 lead late in the match that would have sent the Stars on to an unlikely trip to the World Cup finals? That would have arguably been the biggest shock result in World Cup history.

But the Stars would have advanced anyway had everything else held up and the Stars had defeated O Ale Ale away rather than settle for a goalless draw. As it was, the Stars played in the Cup of Harmony, earning their second win in three matches against Dariusville. A win over No. 26 Prux couldn't prevent the Stars from being eliminated, but it helped the Stars rocket from the world of the unranked to No. 56.

Sure, expectations had to be tempered, but that Stars squad could be likened to the fraternity pledge who wanted nothing to do with getting whacked, and not only refused to get whacked, but wrestled the paddle from the burly fraternity brother and whacked him with it. Instead of "thank you, sir, may I please have another?" it was "What the fuck? How'd that pledge just whack ME with it?!"

All of that entered the mind of Dave Wilson as he silently made his vow to refuse to cast a vote in favour of or against his son's continued employment. Had the IFF Board of Directors vote ended in a tie, Brian Wilson would not have been retained. Bearing that in mind, looking down at his notes, Dave Wilson spoke.

"Do we have a motion on the floor regarding the contract status of Brian Wilson as Stars manager?"

"Mr. Chairman," said a woman, Claudia Ryan, who joined the board after her ex-husband resigned his post. He'd accepted an ownership stake in the Portland Timbers and felt that role would create a conflict of interest. She was an avid football supporter, though, and actively lobbied for the spot. "I move that we extend the contract of manager Brian Wilson through the end of the World Cup XLV cycle."

"Second," came the response from Kenneth Graham, another member who once upon a time cheered on the now-defunct Lowland Clans. After his evacuation from Graham City during the country's war with Starblaydia, he moved to Woodstock, where he began to support the Wild.

The fact that Graham provided the second was a major surprise. He was the harshest critic of Brian Wilson's before and during World Cup qualifying. He accused Dave Wilson of nepotism in hiring his son for the post.

"It's been moved and seconded. Any discussion?" Graham stood to his feet and cleared his throat.

"The chairman recognises Mr. Graham."

"Some of you may be surprised that I have seconded this motion," he said. "I believe that, even though the record isn't what we expected from the Stars in their glory days, those days have long since passed. We are only approaching our second World Cup since our hiatus from international football began.

"For our nation to come within one point of qualifying in its first go as an unranked side is a remarkable accomplishment. For it to have victories over two top-30 sides in cup competitions says much. For the Stars to have a No. 56 ranking after being unranked when the previous World Cup says something. Some of it may be luck. But I'd like to think Brian Wilson had a hand in that luck. It's why I endorse his performance as World Cup manager."

"Any other discussion?" Dave Wilson waited a few beats, then continued.

"All those in favour, please vote eye." Wilson sat back and listened as he saw eight pairs of lips all intone aye in unison.

"Any opposed?"

Silence. After a few beats, "any abstensions?" Silence.

"Hearing no opposition, the motion carries. Brian Wilson's contract has been renewed through the end of World Cup XLV." A round of applause suddenly followed, surprising Dave Wilson, who cleared his throat and prepared to speak.

"Owing to concerns about nepotism brought up in the previous voting," he said. "I decided that I would not have cast a ballot either way. Even if my vote would have been the deciding factor, I felt it was important that the vote be your vote, not mine.

Graham raised his hand.

"The chair recognises Mr. Graham."

"Mr. Wilson," Graham said. "You have shown your even-handed leadership throughout your tenure as Incorporated Football Federation chairman. Considering the outstanding job your son has done, and the fact he has won me over, I can say with full confidence that none of us would have had any objections had you voted in favour of your son."

Thus, Sarzonia's attempt to qualify for World Cup XLV would be helmed by the man who led them so tantalisingly close in the previous World Cup.

The New Cleethorpes Enquirer
Criticism as squad remains largely unchanged

The Quintessential Football Association today unveiled their squad for World Cup 45, but already some have reacted to the announcement with disappointment. Coach Jeremy Dixon has stuck with the same basic team that failed to qualify in each of Quintessence of Dust's previous World Cup attempts, causing some to suggest that a more profound shake-up will be needed if the team does not produce better results.

20 of the 22 squad members from World Cup 44 return, with the only exclusions Wilhelm Biber, who was injured on his final day of competition at the Fourth Winter Olympics in Alavaria, Kelssek, and Lance Kentwell, whose military service will conflict with the World Cup schedule. Bolstering the side are cousins Ralph and Ricky Kuhn, and Noel Nicholson, all three of whom played alongside Theo Littlefellow at the University of Verinque. Littlefellow remains captain, and joined Dixon at the press conference announcing the squad. He said that the team entered the World Cup "with renewed determination" and that the solid performance by Quodite athletes at the Olympics had left "an impression, and set a standard that we have to meet now".

Arlo Cockbadger, head coach of the State University of Pulona side, led the critics, despite the inclusion of several of his proteges in the squad. "This is a group of players that have been together for some time now, and they haven't produced the results that we, as a nation, are capable of. There are plenty of exciting young players not being considered, and I think if there aren't better results this time, the only way we're going to see real change is if a new coach, someone willing to make serious squad adjustments, is appointed."

QFA chair Dr Alfred Cynus was quick to dampen criticisms, saying that he had full confidence in Dixon, Littlefellow, and the players, and encouraging the nation to get behind the team when the World Cup qualifying begins. "What's important is that the players know the nation as a whole supports them," he said. "It's good to have discussion, and voices of dissent should be welcomed in any open society, but petty criticisms and spite are of little help."

Away from the pitch, though, a bigger shake-up is potentially in the offing as the Quintessential Congress considers a constitutional amendment that would establish a Department of Sports and Competition. Cynus is considered a strong candidate for the cabinet-level position that would be created by the amendment, while Dr Jose Guatemala de Salvador von Salvador san Salvador el Salvador con Calvador, secretary-general of the Quintessential Olympic Association, is being widely tipped as a probably deputy. Cynus is no stranger to government service, having headed the Quintessential Workplace Safety Agency, and had two terms as chief science advisor to President Eli F. Baker.

QBS-One has reported renewed interest in the World Cup, and are expected to show an increased number of matches, as football's popularity grows at home, thanks largely to the national team's performances and the increasing presence of players in foreign competitions. The astonishing popularity of The Evening Review's sports features during World Cup 44 and the Olympics came as a shock, but more have been scheduled, featuring academic and former political candidate Professor Michel Fucko. The New Cleethorpes Enquirer will feature daily coverage once competition begins.

http://i51.photobucket.com/albums/f387/Bazalonia/thBazB.png____BFSA Press Release____http://i51.photobucket.com/albums/f387/Bazalonia/thBazB.png


In recognition of World Cup 45, which is the Bazalopes 20th World Cup appearance from a new nation barely starting out to the President of the WCC and a World Cup, Baptism of Fire and Cup of Harmony hosts there is little that we haven't done, apart from winning the actual Cup.

Today the BFSA announce a new direction for Bazalonian soccer, both internally and externally. We announce a name change. Over this coming world Cup the Bazalonian Fedderation of Soccer Associations will be no more. The names obsolete and with Recognition of our 20th World Cup cycle. We will be Changing our name to the Bazalonian Soccer Federation (BSF).

Over the course of the World Cup we will be creating a new logo, motto and branding for the new name of our organisation. Which will end with an official ceremony on the Last matchday of the Qualifiers.

----

An Hour Later after the Press Release was published in the Offices of the Bazalonian Space Federation. The Chief Administrator of the Bazalonian Space Federation had just received the report.

"Why am I getting a Press Release from the BFSA, we're not a media organisation and were certainly not in the sporting game."

His secretary gave him a stern look one, that meant. "Just read it". He knew her looks and he knew if she gave him the look them it must be for a reason. So he did.

Reading the Press release he started to realise the reason. "The Buggers are going to steal our acronym."

"Get me our lawyers... I need to talk with them. I need to know our options."

Jeruselem Government News

Jeruselem coach's girlfriend gets Captaincy

Some big changes in the Jeruselem World Cup with Jacinta and Kate Sallad retiring from football to become news presenters at Naked News Jeruselem to join their mother Mary. Coach Ryan Greenly appointed his girlfriend Princess Marie-Antoinette Dallas as the new Captain although Marie is no stranger to leading the team. The Vice-Captain was not announced but the position is Captain wasn't a hard one.

19 year old Oksana Ferris aka "Pups" who also happens to the daughter of Scarlet Ferris the assistant coach was included in the team to become new Jacinta Sallad. Unlike Jacinta, Pups is an ambitious girl with an aim to become leader and win a World Cup. Pups is dating Newmanistani Billy Prescott whose father Brian never played at the World Cup. We hope to see Billy in the World Cup like Pups.

Ryan defended his decision "Hey look. Marie is a Princess, the daughter of Dazza Dallas and someone who's lead the team before. She also happens to be girlfriend. In reality, there was no one else one could chose. There's plenty of leaders in the team including young Pups but the most effective leader is a leader of Jeruselem and someone who commands real power. I can see in the future young Pups getting her turn."

Young Nikki Seabourne who's mother is ex-JGN reporter Nikki Seabourne is also in the team. When asked about her name, Nikki said "Mum had trouble chosing one and couldn't decide so they just stuck with Nikki. Unfortunately, this causes a few issues when it comes to people remembering my name. It doesn't help looking much the same at the same age either. Dad suggested Paris but I don't want to called Paris Hilton."

Dancougar News!!
No giant robot non-soccer RP side story this time, honest!

Questions abound as qualifying approaches: There's still plenty of time for the Dancougar Football Association to make the decisions which will carry the team through its World Cup qualifying campaign, but there are still a few things that need to be sorted out as the fallout from the Wings' dismal first-round exit continues to be felt.

Despite entering the tournament ranked third in the world, the Wings could only manage a trio of draws and crashed out of the tournament, which was a harsh reality check for the team which had done more with less in past tournaments. Solomon Bilbao could offer no suitable explanation. "The team was prepared and we showed a lot of resilience," he said. "We just couldn't take advantage of our chances."

There was no painting a rosy picture of the failure, and Bilbao was out after two cups. So far, no one has emerged as a clear favorite to replace him. Paul Spudy was thought to have an inside track on the job after being appointed to coach the Di Bradini cup team over the summer after leading Trafford Tech to the national title. But Spudy looked utterly incapable of bringing together the team of college all-stars, so it's unlikely he could help a team of pros gel together.

Shuukyuu Kishin's Shigeru Takeuchi might be the front-runner. His job is in jeopardy after the club failed to add to its trophy case for the third straight season. It's been three years since his side added to its five D-League titles, and he's under even more scrutiny after a Globe Cup flameout. Shuukyuu Kishin won one of their group stage matches and lost five, a performance that was far below expectations according to the club's board of directors. Takeuchi's body of work is still impressive, and would likely nurture an attack-minded side.

A few other names have been bandied about, although the strongest challenger might be former team captain Jericho Leyton, who will turn 40 before the start of qualifying. The former midfielder has 15 national team goals and was a staple for four qualifying campaigns while earning a handful of accolades with the Everlin Snipers in Elves Security Forces.

No roster decisions have been made yet, either, although analysts expect a major turnover. The average age if the team in the last tournament was in the upper 20s, which doesn't make for a healthy transition. Some believe that for the team to be successful it will have to return to its roots and bring some college players along. The switch to using only professionals coincided with Dancougar's rapid ascent in the world rankings, but sticking with that core group for so long has left a generation gap in the talent pool. There just aren't many youngsters now with international experience, which is a problem the next coach will have to deal with along with challenging for a fifth-straight World Cup berth.

The Meice Journal
All the news that fits, we print!
Vol. 175, No. 234 - 8 October 1767

Sports

Law announces retirement
by Sadiques Dotsmens

MEICE -- In a brief statement at Vephraller Foutbiller Restritris headquarters this afternoon, Parker Law announced that he will be stepping down from his position as head coach of the Vephrall national football team with immediate effect.

Law, 86, cited recent health issues and overall fatigue as his primary reasons for leaving the post. Law had been Vephrall's manager since 1755, compiling a 44-6-25 overall record and leading the team to three World Cup quarterfinals in five attempts despite having had no previous managerial experience. Born in Hendersonburg, Bedistan (now Anyuna, Northern Bettia), he played internationally for Bedistan when it was an independent nation and not part of the Unified Capitalizt States.

The VFR has not yet named any candidates to replace him.

Bob Tresgovsken was flipping through channels on TV... sport, sport sport everywhere from Rugby, Cricket, Football, Basketball, Tennis, Baseball, Dodgeball, Lawn Bowls, Tiddly-winks, Knuckels, Marbles, Grid Iron and worst of all Aussie Rules.

It seemed every show had coverage of a sport or a psuedo-sport on the channel. The reason for this was very explainable ... everyone had suddenly got Sport mad. It didn't matter what the sport or even if it only looked like a sport (Thanks 'Pro Wrestling'. It was selling big.

And to be honest FAIL was doing extremely well, There was alot of merchandise flying through the the Officially FAIL-branded stores. The FAIL-League games where popular not to mention any international events that FAIL was involved with. The stadiums were so full that instead of making new Stadia... the removed all the seats and made it standing room only.

However despite hqaving to stand for 90 minutes plus Half-time break plus having to get in and out. the stadia were still packed to the Brim. Humungous amounts of money were rolling into FAIL so much so that they edidn't know what to do with it.

Bob, put down the remote and picked up the newspaper that was beside him on a desk. He stayed in his seat and started looking at the Crossword puzzles.

It was at this time when a Random Accountant from the Department of Random Occurrences and Plot Device Accounting.

Bob didn't even notice the accountant until he finally spoke after standing in front of him for 15 minutes.

"Sir, We've got a black hole in the books." Bob put down his paper and looked puzzled at the accountant who pulled out a ledger and pointed to a mini black hole had somehow literally appeared in the books. We've lost billions of dollars into the black hole.

"That's alright... It's going to fund Miso Kite's Secret Organisation."

"And that would be?"

"It's a secret."

"Right... So you want me to ignore this large Black hole in the books?"

"Yes... btw.. Sorry I didn't ask before... What's your name."

"My name...Is Mr MacGufin. I'll leave now to never appear again."

"Righto, Won't see you later, then."

And with that the account disappeared never to be heard of again (some say the black hole sucked him in because he ignored it. Others say he led a quiet but happy life lookin after the books for a Child Orphanage. Others say that he's still employed at the Department of Random Occurances and Plot Device accouning and his occupying Cubicle 3C and eats a ham salad sandwich for lunch everyday, but we'll never know for sure.

Bob returned to his newspaper... and he looked at the Clue for 13 Down, it read "Miso Kite's Secret organisation financed by a Black hole in FAIL's Budget. (13,6)"

Bob smiled wrote the answer in and placed the newspaper back on the desk where it was.

He got up and would start to make his way to the World Cup Draw. It would take a Long While as he'd have to walk all the way. And Demot or the UCS was along way away.

OOC: If anyone works out that Crossword Clue... TG me and you'll get a free supply of Big joe's Muffin for your military.

The freelance journalist Kim Yunhan (a.k.a. Juan Kim) was looking for an interesting article about which he could write his next article. He was sporting the sports column of some foreign newspaper online when he caught the late press release hitting his eyes, concerning a name change. BFSA to BSF. Perfect! he thought as he flipped open his phone and starting dialing some people.

He immediately received a reply: "Thank you for calling the BFSA hotline. We're glad that you called, but as we're currently under a re-model, this phone number is no longer available. Please hang up and try again."

WTF? he thought as he hung up. What happened? Perhaps they were so serious about the name change that they already changed everything? Impossible! Someone somewhere had to know about something, and if they weren't going to answer to the BFSA, then they'll be damned to answer to BSF.

"Hello, this is BSF, Stacey speaking. How may I help you?"

"Yes, this is Juan Kim, and I'm a... investigator. I'm investigating the recent change of the BSF from BSF to BFSA."

"Change? What change?"

"You know, the change from the BFSA to BSF. It just happened, literally."

Stacey was a bit confused. And truth be told, she had every right to be confused. "Sir, we've never changed our name from BFSA to BSF. Quite frankly, I wouldn't have a clue why we would ever have called ourselves the BFSA."

"Oh. And what does BSF stand for then?"

"Buddy's Sweet Fruits."

"And you do what...?"

"We sell... fruit? Who is this again?"

"Ah, I'm sorry. Wrong number." Oh boy. Embarrassing? Hardly. It was just another day in the job of Juan Kim, who now realized he had no clue what BSF meant. Truth be told, he could speak English fluently, but he'd die before you could ask him to read or write any of it. This would so much easier if the BFSA had given verbal instructions on how to reach their new phone services...

Myedvedeyan
Jeruselem
Daehanjeiguk
Candelaria and Maquez
Sorthern Northland
Nethertopia
Peisandros*
Sarzonia**

Herin is encrypted a secret code in which you will find the exact notions of this secret letter.

XXXXXXXXXXXSFFFFFFFFFFDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAREYTjnd fighaudehfdsohfudshfkldshfudsfhdsjlfhdshfdskahfdsjfdashfkdashfawlefwuhfwepuhfahewfuhefkldphfdofhwoph fophfioeihfiowefefhoefwefodasfdasfdsfhofweopihfiwhefdfi.

If you do not have the secret code below is the message.

To the first two nations we will be inviting Myedvedeyan back to our country to renew the 2 season contract of a home and away series of friendlies for at least another two years, and we will be inviting ourselves of course to visit Jeruselem again bvefore the qualifying period. On to the next to nations of we will be inviting both of you to our pristine to reopen our long friendly agreements at midway after a harsh year of instalments. To the last two without asterisks we will be inviting you to post qualifying friendlies. The final two will be alternates to this plan if the group draw shall force them forward we would like once again to see the Stars in are hallowed halls, and would like to invite one of the newer nations to our beloved sport to play us. Thanks again for reading this.

Sincerely,
The man that pulls the strings

Kura-Pelland's hosting of the World Cup failed to divert attention from the abject failings in recent seasons of the Corganen Championship. Nor, for that matter, from Corganen itself.

The former building society became a bank around the time of its sponsorship, and quickly took on unsustainable debt to expand. Much of this debt proved to be toxic, and the company is now in frantic retreat. The league was left all but unsponsored, and the CMSC had become the singular destination for Kura-Pellandi players, William Lacamoire the latest to move.

It is now a hugely inexperienced team who have been chosen by all-new manager Kyle Aumonier, the former Harrington Lakeside manager. Surely he's not ready for it? General consensus within the highly-revamped KPFA dictates that the 'experienced' players are poisoned by recent experiences, although a few, such as Norbert Fiero, should survive for another Cup. However, teenagers such as right-back Luke Coulton and left midfielder Harry Rodgers - without even a youth competition to their name - cannot possibly be ready.

Collapse seems inevitable this time, but the plan is to build for the future.

ooc: never ever give a creative license to a mad scientist...



Herin is encrypted a secret code in which you will find the exact notions of this secret letter.

XXXXXXXXXXXSFFFFFFFFFFDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAREYTjnd fighaudehfdsohfudshfkldshfudsfhdsjlfhdshfdskahfdsjfdashfkdashfawlefwuhfwepuhfahewfuhefkldphfdofhwoph fophfioeihfiowefefhoefwefodasfdasfdsfhofweopihfiwhefdfi.

IFA Offices:

Lackey1: Sir, we've just received this message!

Count Jeong: Oh really? Who's it from?

Lackey1: Some guy pulling strings...

Count Jeong: *taking letter* What does he want?

Lackey1: It was written in some code, but our code-masters decoded the message as saying "We're coming to steal your chickens, so keep your oven hot. If you do not shave your bear's chest with a daisy, we will be murdered with a cat playing with a ball of flax. To the next date, we'll sing a frog with cheesecake. We fart on Thursdays after a school is demolished by pixie dust and harsh toes. If you are not here, do not drop your ankles on the bog. This message will self-cauterize with a puppy's lick."

Count Jeong: What a weird letter. Must be code for something else.

Lackey1: We tried finding alternative codes, but they were all related to playing soccer somewhere.

Count Jeong: What's wrong with that?

Lackey1: Nothing really... it's just that they're inviting us to a guillotine with mulberry pie on the side.

Count Jeong: How insulting! Tell them that we're not interested.

Lackey1: Well, the alternative is a bomb threat... against Jeruselem... something about hallowed stars in a hall...

Count Jeong: OMG! We've got to warn the world!

Lackey2: Sir, I've finally figured out what the message says!

Lackey1: How'd you figure it out?

Lackey2: Well, they sort of supplied the encoded message with it...

Lackey1: What?

Count Jeong: Who does that?

Lackey2: Taeshan...

Count Jeong: *reads the non-encoded message* Right. Ummm... so say that we'll be delighted to come. I'm not much in favor of cheesecake though.

Upon receving letter from Taeshan

Director of Football, Peisandros Football Association.

We would like to thank 'The man that pulls the strings' for including us in his early plans for World Cup friendlies. Hopefully we can sort something out and we would love the opportunity to play such a quality side.

Again, thank you.
Director.

TO: The man that pulls the strings
From: Some bike called Dazza Dallas who happens to be the Jeruselem FA President

Hello Mr whoever. Taeshan is welcome to play in Jeruselem for a friendly! Just contact my secretary to arrange the friendly.

Hey, next time - don't use 56-bit DES encryption but use 512-bit Blowfish. We cracked the code in about 5 seconds.

XXX
Dazza

OOC: Continued from this post (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14511775&postcount=72), blurring IC and OOC to document my computer troubles. Any technical impossibilities are a subject of artistic licence.

Colonel Pavat Niik (http://i292.photobucket.com/albums/mm1/Starblayde/nswiki/ColPNiik.jpg) had been suitably impressed by the ease and speed with which the worm first infected and then wiped his computer system in the test a few days earlier. His team had explained that, basically, every time a computer connects to the internet, it sends a string of information which includes, but is not limited to, its location and operating system. Stored on their virtual ISP's server was the worm itself, with several subtly different versions for the various operating systems that would instantly download themselves onto the user's computer as part of the data that was interchanged between the two computers.

After some technical jiggery-pokery later, the user's computer would have their directories flagged to contain... nothing beyond what the operating system would contain after a typical installation. Accessing any folder would cause the files, which then still existed, to be read and subsequently overwritten with random data. The more you looked to see if specific files or folders were available, the more you'd delete of your own system. It was a beautiful way of attacking computer systems, really. Once you were infected by the worm, the only thing to do was to immediately get a second computer and read the information on the afflicted hard drive byte by byte in order to retrieve it. Which, for the uninitiated, would be terrifying.

Niik, however, had his ideal defensive set-up on his current test machine. Every conceivable firewall, virus protection, isolation and reflective defence was in place. He flexed his fingers in the back room that his team used as their fortress. He was ready.

"Okay," he said to his team, "what non-existant space are we playing in today?"

"I figure," the technician said, "that as it's Nuke test, version B, we can utilise the dot-co-dot-nb space today."

"Blimey, old chap," Niik replied in his best fake-Britannican accent, "I'd better 'ave a cup of tea and log on, alrighty."

As Niik tapped and clicked away to log his machine on to their private intranet space, there was one thing they'd overlooked. Someone had left an active ethernet cable connected to his machine, one that was hooked up to the rest of the world, electronically, meaning their system wasn't isolated. As Niik logged on to their little piece of the internet, the worm kicked in. It received his IP address and system information, selecting the correctly-aligned worm for the job. It attempted to download itself straight to his machine, but Niik's software recognised, blocked and reflected the incoming threat back to the webspace. By a quirk of routing, the initial worm was reflected back out to the .co.nb servers where, automatically, it managed to retrieve its other operating versions before nestling itself on one of the series of Britannican-hosted servers that formed their section of the world wide web. Niik had, in effect, just sent his team's data-destroying super-worm out onto some real servers. Though Nova Britannicus technically no longer existed as a national entity, the .nb extension was still active and in use. The ramifications of that little reflection were yet to be fully realised.

In the electronic warfare office, however, K3rn3l p4n1c had scored his own little victory against the worm, but another war had only just begun.

Jeruselem Goverment News

Twins for Princess Marie

Princess Marie-Antoinette Dallas of Jeruselem gave birth to twins today. The twins named Jason and Helen, inspired by Marie reading too much Greek mythology came into this world at normal weight for Dallas kids. The father Ryan Greenly, who happens to be Jeruselem coach had a struggle get his hands on the children since Kate, Jacinta and Dazza Dallas were around for the birth too.

The birth was a bit of a struggle since Marie is a small woman and not exactly suited for multiple births. Ryan's parents are flying to Jeruselem to see their new grandkids. Ryan and Marie are not married.

When asked if the kids will move around with the couple, Ryan said
"Well, we'll have a babysitter since me and Marie will be at the games. It's a bit disruptive but we can't leave them at home at this age. The timing isn't the best but we'll manage. Since Marie comes from a family of professional mothers, it shouldn't be an issue. I'm not exactly the world's most experienced Dad around but I'm going to do my best. Matilda Dallas has volunteered to come around with us as the babysitter. Since she's a single girl with no kids, it's good experience for her."

Prux@WC45.com

Meet the ADVERTS (Part 1 of a 6 part series)

Starting Defense and GoalKeeper

The Burger King
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/6/6f/Creepy_King_Bed.png/250px-Creepy_King_Bed.png

After spending most of his time trying to sell you fast-food, TBK, as he likes to be called, has decided to use his great stealth to play defense for the ADVERTS. He's lightning quick and just when you think you've got a clear lane to the goal, he'll appear out of nowhere and stop you in your tracks
Height: 6' 3" (7'0" including crown) Weight: 230 lbs. (240 lbs including crown)

Chester Cheetah
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/f/ff/FlaminHotCheetos.jpg/180px-FlaminHotCheetos.jpg
Almost as Sneaky as TBK, Chester is a big fan of CheetosTM brand snack foods. While he is very quick on his feet and can out-sprint most anyone to the ball, he does have poor stamina and is usually subbed out in the 2nd half.
Height: 6' 0" Weight: 200 lbs.

Erin E-surance
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/2/26/Erinesurance.jpg/100px-Erinesurance.jpg
The only Female on the team, Erin has many skills used to befuddle defenders, and is very focused. Probably the best overall player on the team, Erin decided to play defense.
Height: 5' 9" Weight: 135 lbs.

Juan Valdez
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/9/92/Jvaldez2.JPG/101px-Jvaldez2.JPG
Due to World Cup rules, Juan can't play on his donkey, but thanks to his special 'Columbian Coffee' Juan is one of the most hyper team members and has quick reflexes, for a man of his age.
Height: 6' 1" Weight: 240.

THE ROCKET REPORT

ROSTER RELEASED

Putnam Lake, Newmanistan- After five failed attempts to qualify for the World Cup, the Empire is again sending a team in an effort to make the sixth time the charge. With the team’s best ever ranking, #32, coming into the tournament, expectations call for that appearance this year. It was nice to win the Cup of Harmony, but it is time to move on from that and everyone knows that. One of the most notable changes concerning this team has nothing to do with the players on the roster, but instead the team’s basing of operations in Putnam Lake as opposed to Pocono City. This is a part of the Rockets new sponsorship package with Samseong, who rose up to provide the necessary funding for the team after Empress Jessica announced that she was cutting them off and said that they would not even be here for the 45th edition. Samseong has construction a large headquarters here in the southwest, and the team has elected to hold it’s training sessions here. Other then that, there isn’t a ton different about this roster, but it is the final call for some of our most well known players. I (Kevin Collins) sat down with coach Brian Carson, who continues to guide this team to talk about the roster.

KC: Good afternoon, it’s Kevin Collins on location in beautiful Putnam Lake. It’s always nice to come out here even if you still have to work. Brian Carson, the coach, joins me. Brian, here we go again, another qualifying effort.

BC: Yes sir, I expect that we’ll have a good run this time, a run that ends with us going to either Demot or the Capitalizt States.

KC: The team has decided to hold all their training sessions in Putnam Lake. Samseong is the reason for that, but what kind of differences have you noticed in doing it here as opposed to Pocono City?

BC: It’s amazing, the difference. At first we thought well it’s still in Newmanistan so it can’t be that big of a deal. It’s not just because Putnam Lake is a vacation spot, either. To not be so close to the Empress, and be away from all of the governmental lifestyle that exists within Pocono City makes it very relaxing.

KC: Enough to make you want to coach another team in the NPL?

BC: If I didn’t have such a strong and powerful relationship with my players with the Capitals, then maybe. As I get older, it’s nice to be in more relaxing situations.

KC: So, let’s talk about this roster. Jeremy Brooker, Chris Kusler, and of course, Jeremy McAllister have all announced this is their last World Cup. It’s expected to be that way for Alex Parnett, as well as backup keeper Corey Hennis as well. You were with those players back in their Di Bradini days and now they are all ready to retire.

BC: You say that just as I had mentioned myself getting older. That just proves it right there. They were great kids and have had great careers, they have been through a lot. Obviously, they all deserve to play in the World Cup, and they will make the most of this final shot.

KC: I’m sure this is very motivating for all the players, not just the ones who are ready to retire from international competition. We’re talking about people who have been with this team when the Empire declared it was taking it’s game to the interregional level. That’s pretty special.

BC: I know that it will be, because it is for me as a coach. After everything that these guys have given us over the years, for them to have to deal with another failed qualifying effort is something that would really affect me personally, too. It would hurt. I know that I can be back, but for them, not so much.

KC: There are a lot of varying opinions within the Empire as to whether or not you should still be coaching. Some feel the five World Cup qualifying failures should trump everything, and others look at your now two Cup of Harmony titles plus the Baptism of Fire title as the reason for retaining you. Is it tough knowing there is this kind of a division amongst the supporters?

BC: I would love it if everyone within the Empire gave me their support, but that is not realistic. As long as they do not take it out on the players, then that’s just the way life as a coach will be.

KC: The three goalkeepers you bring back are all the same. Kusler starts, Hennis as a sub, and Kurt Allwine as a reserve. That seemed to be a pretty straightforward decision, but it makes me wonder too, with just about all of these players playing their domestic football overseas now, does it make it harder to select the team?

BC: No, I know these guys pretty well, so the fact that they play overseas isn’t an issue. Kusler and Hennis have had wonderful careers, and Kurt is one hell of a trooper for what it is, in reality, the least desirable spot on any football team.

KC: The starting defense returns three of four starters. Jeremy Brooker, at 37, is back. LaFave and Lampert will patrol the right side, and the newcomer is really a veteran in Bobby Foley. How do you respond to those who think Brooker might be too old now and what’s your overall opinion of this group?

BC: I think that the people who think Brooker is too old will be non-Newmanistanians and non-Cafundeuese. Everyone who knows how he plays knows that he is still on top form. Brooker has never been about the things, such as speed and agility, that you lose with age. He relies on his positioning and awareness, and knowledge of the game along with toughness. If anything, he’ll only get better with age. He’s in great shape and can handle the load. Foley deserves the shot, while LaFave and Lampert are just entering their prime now and should play outstanding football for us.

KC: Kyle Carrigan and Alex Parnett return in the midfield, with Billy Prescott. Dale Stevens gets demoted. It’s like World Cup 41 all over again with this Carrigan-Parnett-Prescott midfield.

BC: Yeah, I guess so. Billy did a fantastic job for us in the Di Bradini Cup. This spot is his and he’s going to do a great job with it. He plays like his father, and it is exciting to have a second generation player in the starting lineup, certainly. With Kyle, he has really blossomed like his brother Kevin did. Maybe he didn’t arrive as immediately as some wanted, but he has become the same kind of player. Alex in the middle will again be our set up man with the shot that also must be respected.

KC: Alex has not said this would be his last World Cup, and he has actually mentioned that he would want to return for World Cup 46, though others just don’t think he’ll be able to. What do you think?

BC: It’s way too early to speculate about that.

KC: The strikers are the same. J-Mac, Jennifer Vilardi and Brett Carlson. They should score goals once again. With McAllister admittedly not quite as fast as he used to be, does there become more of a need for Carlson to become the playmaker down low?

BC: We may look to feature Brett some more, yes. But then again I might just be saying that in case other teams are listening too. J-Mac will still be an important part of our offense.

KC: You also named Shawn Drummond to the roster, but as a reserve. Was this more out of respect for his past accomplishments?

BC: Historically, I’ve given one reserve spot to a player who fits the role that Drummond will for us this year. He knows that he is not as productive anymore, but if we make the World Cup, I want him to be able to experience it.

KC: Thank you for your time Brian, we can’t wait until qualifying gets underway.

BC: Thank you Kevin. A lot of us are just very happy to be here, and I have to give props to Samseong for giving us this opportunity.

The Wartime Journals of Nikolai Dolohov

Part 1- July 14, 2024

Well, it's been made official today. War has been declared. The rebels in Jaril are now considered a true threat to the people and government of Myedvedeya, on the level of a foreign power. As such, we're all called into military service, along with every man and bear in the nation between the ages of 17 and 30. The squad, as we obviously have no physical limitations that would prevent us from service, were brought together, and as a group entered into the two hundred thirty-second infantry. We've all taken basic training before, during the military school years, so we were shipped immediately to the front, and installed in a former vacation village now converted into a military base of sorts on the border between Syktyvkar and the Jaril Oblast, now calling themselves the Free People's Republic of Jaril.

When it came time to elect our company's sargeants and lieutenant, the honor of serving as the lieutenant fell upon me, as captain and general leader of the football squad. I report directly to captain Raskolkov, a career military man, who is supposedly some kind of military savant. He is a large, bearded, cossack-looking type of a man, around 6'5, and looks strong enough to break any of these rebels in half with one hand. Unfortunately, he has a temper to match, and feels that none of us "sporting pansies" as he enjoys referring to us, will be any good on the battlefield in the slightest. Aside from him, however, the rest of the regiment has given us a hero's welcome. Only around a fourth of them have seen combat before, so we are in no means alone in being green.


July 17, 2024

Today, the rebels hit us with a raid. An unknown number of men with rocket launchers approached out of the bushes, and fired on us for a few hours. This was the first combat any of us had seen, but the men for the most part conducted themselves admirably under fire. Considering the position of the enemy was entirely unknown, we did not directly engage, instead Raskolkov placed sentries in the bunkers, and they retaliated with RPG's. After a full day of violence, three of ours had been injured, and the enemy had lost five confirmed. Raskolkov has organized us for a frontal assault on the enemy's suspected position tomorrow morning.

Prux@WC45.com

Meet the ADVERTS (Part 2 of a 6 part series)
Starting Midefielders

Tony the Tiger
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/5/5f/TonyTheTiger.jpg/320px-TonyTheTiger.jpg

Just to be short and sweet, as a defender, Tony is GRRRRRREAT! As an attacker, he's not so great. Tony is almost a sweeper on the team, but is usually marked against the opponents' best forward and is very rarely out of position. Tony also used to be a Morning TV host, before deciding to play soccer.
Height: 6'6", Weight: 282lbs.

Count Chocula
http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/onion_news1568.article.jpg
Don't be fooled by his appearance. The Count is younger than he looks. Decent on the defensive side, but the Count is the main player in starting the Adverts counterattack. Very spry and quick, he does get out of position occasionally. Despite rumors to the contrary, the Count is not a vampire, but is a very distant cousin of Vlad Tempish.
Height: 5'6", Weight: 135lbs


Sonny the Cuckoo Bird
http://www.tvacres.com/images/sonny_cocoapuffs.jpg
Sonny is cuckoo. Just released from the Quahog Hospital for the Criminally Insane, after serving 6 months for stalking the President, Sonny is eager to put his past behind him. A quick defender and a good attacker, Sonny can almost be called the 4th forward of the team, and in certain situations probably will be used as such.
Height: 5'5", Weight: 120lbs.

Toucan Sam
http://www.google.com/images?q=tbn:Wa-WraMqLppDsM::www.kelloggs.ca/french/whoweare/images/char_toucansam.gif
Sam follows his nose, usually to goals on corner kicks. Since there are no offical rules regarding flying players, Sam is always in a great position on the corner kicks, and from 10 feet above the pitch, a shot is very hard to stop. Sam is rather bad on defense, and as the situation warrants, he'll be subbed for.
Height: 3'0", Weight: 50lbs.

Somewhere within the QFA:

"Sir, It's a stupid tradition.
...
No, I'm not saying that you are stupid.
...
I'm just saying that playing the co-hosts of the World Cup every time is stupid.
...
Yes, it does get us used to the playing conditions of the host countries, but lately that hasn't does the team any good.
...
What if we played them in the month between the two halves of qualifying, would that work, sir?
...
First off, we'd save on travel, we'd go from our last qualifier to Capitializt SLANI, for the Demot game. We'd take a week off, and then we'd travel to Demot and take on Capitializt SLANI. We'd then have only a week before the 2nd half of the qualifers instead of the usual month.
...
It would keep the players a bit more active and improve the team's 2nd half performance. We've struggled a bit more in the latter half of qualifiers than in the earlier ones in the last 12 years.
...
We've also been asked by Krytenia for a friendly.
...
Well we have played them often enough, but any chance to get info on a team we might face in the Cup is a good one. I'm in contact with some other nations for a post-qualifier friendly or two.
...
Sir, there's 3 months between the end of qualifiers and the beginning of the Cup. The players get rusty just playing scrimmages against each other or local college teams.
...
In fact, I have an idea in the works now. If the other teams approve, then I'll let you know.
....
Ok, sir, I'll do my best."

Marc Statham hung up the phone and started calling the head of the GWFA...

The Imperial Journal of Anthropology


A PREVIOUSLY UNIDENTIFIED NEOLITHIC TRIBAL GROUP FROM
THE CHACO AND THEIR SPORTING PRACTICES.

Claudio Levi-Strausses
Department of Anthropology
Imperial University

Abstract:

Three subjective months ago, a group of Imperial scholars studying cattle-
ranching techniques in the Chaco were astonished to come across a previously
unidentified tribal group of Neolithic technological level living in a
previously unknown cave complex some 21 days march from the regional
capital of Philadelphia. An initial grammar of their monosyllabic inflected
language is presented, but discussion particularly focuses on their sporting
practices, which involve a game similar to football, but which involves kicking
large rocks. Preliminary analysis suggests that the men of the group have
evolved particularly tough feet from centuries - potentially millenia - spent
playing this remarkable sport.


--------------------------------------------------------------

"But Juan, this is extraordinary!!!"

"Why, Simeone?"

"Well, think of the possibilities... a group of super-fit cavemen with ultra-strong feet who want to play football for us."

"And?"

"Think of the impact they'll have on the World Cup - we can't lose! All we have to do is train them into some basic tactics, and the Cup has to be ours."

"Aren't you getting ahead of yourself, old friend?"

"I tell you, this is the opportunity of a lifetime!"

"Have you tried communicating with one of them yet?"

"No...."

"Well, let's have a try right now... Simeone, this is our putative captain Ug-Ug. Ug-Ug, this is Simeone - and this young lady is our interpreter. Now, Ug, do you like football?"

"Ug-Ug like rock ball. Ug-Ug like to kick rock. Your ball is soft. Ug-Ug kick soft ball long way. Ug-Ug not like soft ball. Ug-Ug wants to play with rocks."

"But you can't play with rocks... it's against the rules...."

"Ug-Ug play with rocks, or Ug-Ug not play."

"But it's against the rules!"

"Sorry, Simeone, it's rocks or they won't suit up."

"But Juan!"

"Well, I do have an idea.... what if we only use rocks for home matches? Can we do that?"

"It's worth a try, old friend - worth a try..."

TO: Billy Prescott
FROM: Oksana "Pups" Ferris

Hey Billy! You made the World Cup team! It's good to see your good work at the Tel Aviv Sharks has paid off with a national call-up. I've been working hard with the team here in Jeruselem although I've been distracted playing with Marie's kids.

Don't miss Naked News Jeruselem tommorrow. Jacinta Sallad will be doing a one-on-one interview with me. I've decided to be naked during the interview so it's not one to miss. I'll give you a ring later, so we talk when training is finished.

Pups
XXX

Count: Nice scooter Kaye
Kaye: I wanted to buy a car actually
Count: Not enough money then
Kaye: Well, I'm more independent but still I need more money.

Count: Parents not helping out?
Kaye: Ha, they are asking for money from me but Kaye is an adult now.
Count: I see ... so how they get money?
Kaye: Dad got himself a job for once.

Count: Don't live at home now?
Kaye: I'm renting with some army friends.
Count: Why not a motorbike?
Kaye: Too expensive ...

Count: So what's the top speed?
Kaye: Only about 40 clicks
Count: Nice paint job
Kaye: Yeah, a friend did that for me.

Count: It's got a name?
Kaye: Err, BIKE!
Count: But it's not a bicycle.
Kaye: I know ...

Count: Interesting number plate ... 6MANIAC
Kaye: Cool eh?
Count: Yes, something to with your sex life?
Kaye: I wish I had time for one.

Count: How come still in the army?
Kaye: I'm not famous yet. No one is going employ a brain dead Jeru FC player.
Count: You're not brain dead though
Kaye: Just unnoticed, I need attention.

OOC - this may not have immediately obvious football RP implications, and I freely concede this first one is mostly a cut and paste job with only one or two minor edits - but the plan is to have these build over the course of the cup (most of which will be in both Western and Orthodox Lent), and become more obviously relevant, and more original in content, once the Cup proper gets underway....

THE MONASTIC FOOTBALL ASSOCIATION
BRINGS YOU

THE FEAST OR SAINT OF THE DAY

Pre-Qualification draw

First and second finding of the Honorable Head of the Holy Glorious
Prophet, Forerunner, and Baptist of the Lord, John

After the Beheading of the Holy Prophet, Forerunner and Baptist John (August 29), his body was buried by disciples in the Samarian city of Sebaste, and his venerable head was hidden by Herodias in an unclean place following its use by King Herod and Salome in an impromptu post-orgy early Judean football match. St Joanna (June 27), the wife of King Herod's steward Chuza (Luke 8:3), secretly took the holy head and placed it into a vessel and buried it on the Mount of Olives in one of Herod's properties.

After many years, this property passed into the possession of a government official who became a monk with the name of Innocent. He built a church and a cell there. When they started to dig the foundation, the vessel with the venerable head of John the Baptist was uncovered. Innocent recognized its great holiness from the signs of grace emanating from it. Thus occurred the First Finding of the Head. Innocent preserved it with great piety, but fearful that the holy relic might be abused by unbelievers, before his own death he again hid it in that same place, where it was found. Upon his death the church fell into ruin and was destroyed.

During the days of St Constantine the Great (May 21), when Christianity began to flourish, the holy Forerunner appeared twice to two monks journeying to Jerusalem on pilgrimage to the holy places, and he revealed the location of his venerable head.

The monks uncovered the holy relic and, placing it into a sack of camel-hair following their 2-0 victory over the local monastic squad, they proceeded homewards. Along the way they encountered an unnamed linesman and gave him the precious burden to carry. Not knowing what he was carrying, the linesman continued on his way. But the holy Forerunner appeared to him and ordered him to flee from the careless and lazy monks, with what he held in his hands. The linesman concealed himself from the monks and at home he preserved the venerable head with reverence. Before his death he placed it in a water jug and gave it to his sister.

From that time the venerable head was successively preserved by devout Christians, until the referee Eustathius (infected with the Arian heresy) came into possession of it. He beguiled a multitude of the infirm who had been healed by the holy head, ascribing their cures to the fact that it was in the possession of an Arian. When his blasphemy was uncovered, he was compelled to flee. After he buried the holy relic in a cave, near Emesa, the referee intended to return later and use it for justifying issuing red cards against those teams whom we deemed, unfairly, to have displeased him. God, however, did not permit this. Pious monks settled in the cave, and then a monastery arose at this place. In the year 452 St John the Baptist appeared to Archimandrite Marcellus of this monastery, and indicated that his head was hidden within the monastery's football pitch. This became celebrated as the Second Finding. The holy relic was transferred to Emesa, and later to Constantinople, until it was lost again prior to the Third Finding.

Sasha, Greal

"It's another World Cup."

"Yes it is Roger. We all know that."

"Do you think our team will qualify this year?"

"Yes I believe."

"Me too."

"We'll wait and see. First the Group Draws are coming up. We should examine the teams we're playing before making a decision."

"I'm already hoping for Greal to qualify. I'm going to use my savings and go watch the games from the stadiums then from TV."

"Its going to cost a lot more then just driving to Womer..."

"Who cares? I'm just waiting for locations of the games so I can buy my ticket."

"What about you Roger?"

"With this broken leg, I can't really move around anyway, I'll watch the games from TV."

"Its settled then. I'm going to watch the BoF."

"I hear they're going to preview the Greali team today."

"Finally something good on TV to watch."

Prux@WC45.com

Meet the ADVERTS (Part 3 of a 6 part series)
Starting Forwards

Jolly Green Giant
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/7/7f/Greengiant1954.jpg/180px-Greengiant1954.jpg

Jolly is the main force of the Advert's attack. Though slow-footed, Jolly more than makes up for it in the great strides he can make. unfortunately, Jolly's shots usually wind up about 3 countries over, so he's mainly used as a decoy and probably be red-carded often just due to his shear size.
Height: 20'0"", Weight: 1500lbs.


Energizer Bunny
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/3/3a/Ebunny.jpg/180px-Ebunny.jpg
EB has not quit in him. He'll keep going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going until the end of the match. While one of the shortest members of the team, he's also one of the fastest. Does get called for handballs on occasion.
Height: 2'4", Weight: 20lbs.

Smokey Bear
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/6/62/SmokeyTheBearHeadshot.GIF
More geared for defending, Smokey is a formidable presence on the field. He carries his spade onto the field (ooc: as there are NO rules specifically decreeing that he can't) and the fact the he is a bear. Moved to Prux from Bears Armed after accidently setting a house fire which killed his wife and cubs.
Height: 7'5", Weight: 500lbs.

To: Oksana Ferris
From: Billy Prescott

Hey Pups!!

I am so excited about being named a starter for the World Cup team! I thought that I had a chance maybe to be a reserve or something but I wasn’t expecting this so soon. Of course you have some idiots here who think I am only here because of my father and that I haven’t earned it. Let them think that because I am going to prove them wrong! Cuz I know we’re qualify this time! I can’t wait to start roughing up people who are almost twice as old as me. :)

I guess we are going to find out who were will be playing pretty soon since that Baptism of Fire is almost done. I’m glad those stupid West Newmanistan morons got eliminated. I’m so glad to know that we will be playing in a friendly after qualifying.

I can’t wait to see your interview sweetie! Talk soon!

Billy

Time - 7:04 AM
Location - The small shack on the far end of The Pitch, Forn Parts


Sergeant Kloom ignored the sounds of the rest of The Team, gloomily focusing all his mental powers on the newspaper clippings in front of him. They were supposed to help him form a strategy for The Team to use in the World Cup Qualifiers. He didn't know why he had to read them.

It was Jenny's idea.

Jenny was too young to be on The Team. Or she would have been had it not been that older incarnations of The Team had been made up, nearly exclusively at one point, of 2-year old test-tube penguins. Jenny was nine years old, and understood the concept of precedent perfectly. She could also scream, and when she screamed, everyone listened.

So Kloom worked his way through the clippings. They dated back to the origins of The Team, and continued through every World Cup since The Team first entered the competition, and included all the World Cups since The Team ceased to exist. There were a lot of clippings.

Next to them were clippings from what looked like a military magazine. It was, in fact, the Dregruk Domination Daily, which was a magazine which covered Dregruk's football team. Which made it a military magazine.

Those clippings detailed various matches in the Lancre Cup, which were slightly more interesting to read, because some of them had color pictures of the carnage. They had given Kloom the impression that the only way to win a football game without actually having to bother playing was to sabotage the opposing team pre-match, score a goal, and then leave the pitch for a drink or three.

It sounded better than the other strategies described. Complicated concepts like 'karelan defense', 'penalty kicks', and 'passing' crawled through Kloom's head, and he felt the need to brew a nice cup of coffee with cream to ease the painful sensation.

Behind him, the sounds of intense violence threatened to break his concentration, as Rand Hanhoolie picked his third fight of the hour with Brother Aqk and Brother Uqk. The first two fights had seen Rand flee the comfortably cold shack into the freezing weather outside, as the two monks had happily tried their best to kill him.
This time, however, the ex-bandit had found an ally in Om Nom, and while Rand tried to land a punch on the agile Brother Aqk, Om Nom was demonstrating the terrifying depths of stupidity he possessed as he managed to fit Brother Uqk between his massive jaws.

Sergeant Kloom's brows furrowed. He couldn't grasp concepts when Rand was screaming "ArrghhOhGodNoINeedThatPartAgghhhh" at the top of his lungs.

Drill Sergeant Kloom stood up smartly. He pulled his chin in and and stuck his chest out. He arranged his face into the meanest, most intimidating Drill Sergeant scowl he knew. He performed a crisp about-face and faced The Team.

He cleared his throat, opened his mouth:

"Team? Could I have your attentions for a moment, please? I'd really appreciate it..." he murmured.

The Team stopped what it was doing. It didn't matter that none of them had heard Kloom. What mattered was that someone looking suspiciously like a Drill Sergeant had just moved his mouth at them, and though none of them had ever been in the military, they had seen films.
Om Nom even stood at attention.

Kloom blushed at all the attention he was getting, and cleared his throat again. He had always suffered from terrible stage fright.

"If it's okay with you," he nearly whispered, "I'd like you to go outside, and practice kicking the ball with Jenny. Please? It would mean a lot to me, and I..."

The Team shuffled out, with the exception of Mr. Curry, who was still very dead and didn't seem to be getting better. After a few moments, Cory and Georgie came back in and dragged the corpse carelessly out to the pitch.

Sergeant Kloom waited the regulation three seconds before standing at ease and then returning to his newspaper clippings.

There was a strong emphasis on the kits of each foreign team, he realized. Yes, uniforms were the backbone of every modern fighting force. But The Team needed something...more. Something to give them that edge over the other teams.

He wracked his mind. Medals? No, they hadn't played any games yet, and training was rarely an occasion for a medal. A band to strike up a swift marching beat? Possibly. Maybe. He'd have Dengly call around for one.
Or perhaps...Yes. That's what The Team needed:

http://img141.imageshack.us/img141/5368/theteamflag.th.png (http://img141.imageshack.us/my.php?image=theteamflag.png)

A Regimental Flag.

He'd see if he could scrounge up something for The Team to wear. He'd call around, see if any of his old squad-mates went into Supplies.

He was about to pick up the old, unconnected phone which sat on the floor of the shack when a stray rocket-propelled grenade from the pitch burst through the cracked plastic window and Sergeant Kloom's world became fire and heat.

There's a warm strip of beach land out on the Experiment Peninsula that's particularly favored by Al Valente, as he seeks to unwind from the pressures of constantly failing qualify in the World Cup. The best part of the beach is that despite only being a hour and a half drive from the Soccer Arroza Hq in Atalanta, it was secluded as anywhere you could find on the northern end of the country. At least it would be if an intern wasn't showing what looked like a binder in his face. Eventually, he decided that the intern wasn't going away, and so he turned to pay attention to him.

“So, what's this good news that you felt like you had to run down here to tell me?”

“We finally got done compiling all of the records from the last four world cups, and combined it with a lot of high end person tracks from the ABI so we could find out what happened to all of our former players, and be able to keep up with their stats for once!”

He failed to see the point. “And I care because?”

“Well, because it'll allow us to find people who we thought had vanished off the face of the football earth. Revy Viades for instance.”

“Why the hell would I want to know where that psycho is?”

“Well because she's the third leading scorer in Arrozan history, behind Lancaster, and Kandji, who's back in Angola Federal. And because she gets out of the same Penitentiary next week. They say she's fully rehabilitated, and ready to play.”

“Interesting, leave the binder here. I've got another hour of siesta, then I guess it's time to get back to the meat grinder.” Valente sighed wistfully and proceeded to finish his tan [and I must say it was majestic], and picked up the binder, flipping through names and statistics. An hour later he had the starting eleven of his team picked out, and with that done he went to find a phone and schedule a time to eat dinner. Scheduling a practice and actually finding if the players could still play together could wait until manana, as it always would.

Jacinta: Hello, this is Jacinta Sallad for Naked News Jeruselem. I'm with Oksana Ferris of the Jeruselem World Cup team.
Pups: Hello, nice to be here.
Jacinta: Oksana isn't wearing anything because she chose to. It's not required our guests be naked.
Oksana: Don't worry, I'm an adult now. This is all legal.

Jacinta: Firstly, you've been promoted as new Jacinta Sallad of the World Cup team. It is a burden?
Pups: No, I'm proud to become your replacement. If I can do a good job like you or Rashina Dallas did, I would be happy.
Jacinta: As youngest in the team, are you fazed by pressure?
Pups: No, I have job to do for my team. It doesn't matter if I'm 100 years old or 19, I'll do the job given to me.

Jacinta: It is a burden to live up to the exploits of your mother?
Pups: Well, I'm not my mother. I want make my own little contribution in my own way and in my own time.
Jacinta: How is your personal life?
Pups: It's a bit on hold since Billy Prescott has gone back home to Newmanistan. I miss him.

Jacinta: You must be happy he made the team unlike his father Brian.
Pups: I think he'll do really well. Some think he's there because of his father like I'm here because my Mum is the assistant coach. We're here because we have shown we are World Cup material.
Jacinta: Are you going give up life on the Ferris farm?
Pups: When the time comes, I'll make my decision.

Jacinta: Are you going play soft against Newmanistan if the teams ever meet?
Pups: No, Billy is going try to score goals and I'll try to stop him. We both understand we both have jobs to do and we both must perform against any team we meet.
Jacinta: Who is your hero?
Pups: I'd say my mother but I have a lot of heros.

Jacinta: Like who?
Pups: The Dallas girls, a family who dedicate their time and money to football in a big way. That includes the Sallads I guess!
Jacinta: What's your plans when you give up football?
Pups: I want get my own farm and bring up the kids there.

Jacinta: Pistachio farm?
Pups: Oh yes, you're a Dallas. You don't like them nuts ... it depends where I live and what I can grow there.
Jacinta: I heard you like ducks.
Pups: Yes, I like ducks. OK, more than like.

Jacinta: Any particular reason?
Pups: No logical one. I don't know why.
Jacinta: You have a favourite duck?
Pups: Yeah, a female duck named ... Marie.

Jacinta: Small aggressive female duck which seems to run the place.
Pups: Well, that's why she's called Marie.

(ooc: the QSA is the Qazoxian Sports Administration, in charge of everything involving non-league sports within Qazox)

Somewhere within the QFA:

Marc Statham hated the phone. Everytime he picked it up it was either the QSA President bugging him about supposed problems with the way he picked the team or picked the coach or picked the dates of home matches, depending on whom the Pheonix were playing. Or it was his wife, complaining that she hardly saw him anymore, or that Kevin got in trouble at school or Kate was out on a date with Jack, the scooter kid.

Occasionaly it was the Head coach of the Pheonix, Raul de Olivares complaining that the head of the QSA was buggin him. Or it was player calling about anything from missing practice due to injury to the wrong kind of cheese was used on their sandwich.

No one ever said being the President of the QFA was easy, and Statham knew it. But the chance to push this team to where it hadn't been to before was a challenge, and despite what the QSA Presdient, his boss said, he knew he probably wouldn't be fired even if the team flamed out in the group stages of the World cup, yet again. Not qualifying, probably, but if the team makes the World Cup, more money from sponsors, more international coverage of Qazox' rebuiling since the last civil war over 10 years ago. So what did he do?

He had tried to get the last Baptism of Fire hosted here, but was voted down. Got the QSA and private companies to invest almost 175 million Zaqs into improvements, upgrades, and infrastructure in and around Qazoxian stadiums. With the NewQFL still in legal limbo, the World Cup qualifiers and any hosting of any tourneys would be all that the QFA would get to pay for those improvements.

He also regretted not hosting the Oxen Cup last year, as that usually brought in over 40 million Zaqs in revenue. Despite all of that, Statham was pleased that he had a good beginning to his run at the helm of the QFA.

Until today.

THE MONASTIC FOOTBALL ASSOCIATION
BRINGS YOU

THE SAINT OF THE DAY

Pre-Qualification draw II

Venerable Thalelaeus the Hermit of Syria

As the Archregimancy's football team waited for the World Cup qualification draw, and prepared themselves for Great Lent, they took much inspiration from the life of Venerable Thalelaeus the Hermit of Syria. Saint Thalelaeus was a native of Cilicia, became a monk at the monastery of St Sava the Sanctified, and was ordained presbyter there. Later on, he moved to Syria, not far from the city of Habala, he found a dilapidated pagan temple surrounded by graves, and he settled there in a tent. This place had a rough reputation, since the unclean spirits residing there frightened travellers and caused them much harm, much as a visit to Jeruselem or Forn Parts might cause the Orthodox ascetic to fear for his soul.

Here the monk lived, praying day and night in total solitude, an example which the squad follow between training sessions. Demons often assailed the saint, trying to terrify him with sights and sounds, perhaps not unlike those that an away crowd in Daehanjeiguk might make. But by the power of God the saint ultimately gained victory over the power of the Enemy (whom, we would pause to stress, is not necessarily Daehanjeiguk), after which he was troubled no more. He then intensified his efforts even more: he built a hut, so cramped that it was just possible to get into it, and only with an effort was it possible to raise his head. He lived there for about ten years.

The Lord granted to the ascetic the gift of wonderworking, and his miracles helped him to enlighten the pagan inhabitants. With the help of the inhabitants he converted to Christianity, he demolished the pagan temple. This truly is a shining example to the Archregimancy's squad, though perhaps a bending free kick over the opposing defensive wall might not be quite as much of a miracle as those of Saint Thalelaeus, and after twenty tournaments of trying, they are yet to convince any of their opponents to tear down their stadium and build an Orthodox church within.

St Thalelaeus died in old age in about the year 460. In the book entitled Leimonarion or Pratum, a composition of the Greek monk John Moschus: St Thalelaeus is mentioned: "Abba Thalelaeus was a monk for sixty years and with tears never ceased saying, 'Brethren, God has given us this time for repentance, and we must seek after Him'". This is the spirit within which the Archregimancy shall play international football this Lent, knowing that each victory, loss or draw is played in a spirit of humble repentance, regardless of the outcome.

(This is not public knowledge at the IC level...)

To: B.

Have successfully infiltrated P, cover-story accepted, and have actually managed to join their current team. No sign of any Z, or of D.M., this time around.

700.

Juan Kim was busily looking up all of the possible forms of BSF and BFSA. The ordinary citizen would have given up after reading "Bostopian Security Forces", "Bastard Sword Federation", "Button's Salty Fritters", or even "Banking Securities Foundation". Yes, there were so many options, but Juan Kim was the smart chap; he could figure this out. He insisted... he would figure this out. And then he'd have the landmark journalism article of the century! Now... if only he could actually read English, he'd make sense of what he was reading online.

He came across an ambiguous advertisement while searching for the true BSF. It was an odd box, stuck within the margins of some odd text post of some online forum. Some moronic idiot (or idiotic moron, whichever works) had made some awkward remarks about women. Something about being the perfect platform from which a man could step up into the attic to retrieve his fresh batch of pr0n. He couldn't read what it was, and his online translator was worth %$#^.

"'Jenny was an idea'?" he read, as he tried to make sense of the words. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" he asked himself, hoping that it would make sense that time. It didn't, so he read on. "'She also is possibility that shouts seven, she informs and hits time to listen everyone'? What the %$#^ are these people doing, writing junk up on the Internet while smoking crack up their ass? They have an odd idea about what women are supposed to be."

Regardless, it wasn't the post that interested him so much, but it was the ad that was in that post. As he continued to struggle reading the bunch of nonsense that it was, he clicked on the link that led him to a secret website. On it were the three bold letters - BSF. He trembled, thinking that he had at last found the great BSF that he had been seeking for the past few weeks (or days... however long it's been).

He dialed the number, hoping to get someone on the line.

"*BEEP* I'm sorry. The number that you have dialed is no longer in service. Please hang up and try again."

Juan Kim thought nothing of it; perhaps he dialed the wrong number. He tried again.

"*BEEP* I'm sorry. The number that you have dialed is no longer in service. Please hang up and try again."

Juan Kim shirked as he read the number that he dialed. It was the same phone number as indicated on the website. How on earth could it be wrong? Unless if they folded as well and became something else. He'd try again...

"What the %$#^ is wrong wit' yah? Don't yah listen to what I say? I sayz, 'I'm sorry. The number that you have dialed is no longer in service. Please hang up and try again'! What the %$#^ is yah problem, man?"

To say the least, Juan was not expecting that sort of response.

"I'm looking for BSF."

"Well, yah got it, man. What the %$#^ do yah want?"

Juan Kim smiled. "I'm trying to figure out why you changed your name from BFSA to BSF? Is it a some sort of publicity..."

"Whoa, man! We ain't no BFSA. We ain't never some BFSA. We'z always BSF. Biggie's Sugah Factory. Yah gotta problem, man?"

"Um... No..."

Zwangzug to host Ad’ihan–Jeruselem match

Skyhaven, DEMOT— Ad’ihan will play their World Cup 45 qualifier against Jeruselem in Rackham Range, Zwangzug, the Football Federation of Ad’ihan announced today from Skyhaven.

Ad’ihan have been drawn into Group 10 of the qualifiers with Jeruselem, Kelssek, the Blouman Empire, Nethertopia, Lecland, Patetopia and Wing Wang Woo.

AFF chairman Luke Evans, who attended the draw as the Ad’ihani representative, confirmed he had done a deal with WCC Vice-President Belinda Littlewood of Zwangzug for the game to take place in the Zwangzugian mountains, as the Ad’ihani government would likely reject the visas of a number of Jeruselem players.

The AFF has also requested the Jeruselem team in turn play the return leg on neutral ground, although Jeruselem is not obliged to do so.

Meanwhile, the participation of the Kelssekian national team in the domestic AFF Challenge Trophy has been thrown into doubt by the inclusion of Kelssek in Ad’ihan's World Cup qualifying group.

Kelssek were to have taken part in the tournament as part of a cultural exchange deal signed between Ad’ihan and the Kelssekian Alliance.

However, AFF chairman Evans confirmed that talks would now take place between the AFF and Kelssek's footballing body, as well as the Kelssekian Alliance, over whether the planned involvement in the Challenge Trophy would go ahead.

Manager Devida Cal is expected to announce his final World Cup qualifying squad before the Battle of the Heartland friendly against Liventia in Orean.

World Cup 45 qualifying draw
Representatives from a number of national associations gathered in Skyhaven, Demot for the World Cup 45 qualifying draw. Although the draw was the main attraction, a number of other topics were on the agenda, including the language of choice in such meetings and the catering service to be used for the first round draw.

Group 1
Liventia
West Newmanistan
Myedvedeya
Rennidan
Hypocria
Lovisa
Yafor 2
West Zirconia

Group 2
Mo Land 3
Achtervolging
Greal
Taeshan
Albundania
The Han Empire
Candelaria And Marquez
Cassadaigua

Group 3
Ierissos
Milchama
Akbarabad
Arroza
Rymeria
Govindia
Septentrionia
Prux

Group 4
Secristan
Valanora
San Castello
Logria
Jasīʼyūn
Koseli Cumhuriyetler
Forn Parts
Jeru FC

Group 5
Kemball Island
Panuul
The Bostopian Empire
Urna Eletrônica
The Archregimancy
Vephrall
Newmanistan
Draistania

Group 6
The Macabees
Dancougar
Kosovoe
Invisible Wabbits
Bears Armed
The McLaughlin Islands
Qazox
Bushdome

Group 7
Green Wombat
Starblaydia
Dariusville
Garlano
The Holy Empire
Krytenia
Allemenschen
Legendar

Group 8
Quintessence of Dust
Noásahi
Terreiro de Ogum
Yafalonia and Bazor 2
Sarzonia
Greston
Cafundéu
Sorthern Northland

Group 9
Edward City
Lurikastan
Kura-Pelland
Peisandros
Bostopia
Colbourne
Bazalonia
Mantwenic

Group 10
Lecland
Patetopia
Ad’ihan
Jeruselem
Nethertopia
Wing Wang Woo
Blouman Empire
Kelssek

Fixtures
matchday 1: 1v8, 2v7, 3v6, 4v5
matchday 2: 8v5, 6v4, 7v3, 1v2
matchday 3: 2v8, 3v1, 4v7, 5v6
matchday 4: 8v6, 7v5, 1v4, 2v3
matchday 5: 3v8, 4v2, 5v1, 6v7
matchday 6: 8v7, 1v6, 2v5, 3v4
matchday 7: 4v8, 5v3, 6v2, 7v1
matchdays 8–14 are the reverse of 1–7
matchday 8: 8v1, 7v2, 6v3, 5v4
matchday 9: 5v8, 4v6, 3v7, 2v1
matchday 10: 8v2, 1v3, 7v4, 6v5
matchday 11: 6v8, 5v7, 4v1, 3v2
matchday 12: 8v3, 2v4, 1v5, 7v6
matchday 13: 7v8, 6v1, 5v2, 4v3
matchday 14: 8v4, 3v5, 2v6, 1v7

(ooc: I'm just making up these "Rules" for the RP factor, just in case any one is confused :confused:)

QFA Headquarters, Qazox City, Qazox:

Marc Statham: What the hell do you mean Qazox competing in the World Cup is illegal?

NSWC Lawyer: Well according to our records, the nations of Green wombat and Qazox were not recognized as separate identies, and under Rule 56.2, subsection A, clause IV, paragraph 5: which states:
"Any new nation or nations that has/have not been recognized as an independent nation(s) by any NSWC member nation, at the time of application to compete in their Baptism of Fire shall not be allowed to compete in any sanctioned NSWC event.

Marc Statham: But Qazox and Green wombat have been separate nations since 1564, and by the time we both, independently of each other, signed up for the Baptism of Fire in 1898, had been for over 300 years.

NSWC Lawyer: While true, according to Rule 62.7, subsection D, clause IX, paragraph 4:
Only the first independently recognized nation to sign up from a new region is allowed to compete in a Baptism of Fire.
Green wombat was recognized, by I believe Legalese, before you were in turn recognized by Rejistania and therefore Qazox was technically ineligible to compete in the Baptism of Fire 14, hosted by Rejistania & Legalese, and accordingly, the KPB ranking points earned during that tourney and the subsequent qualifers should not have counted.

Marc Statham: But this was over 70 years ago! Why is this supposed rules infraction being brought up now?

NSWC Lawyer: A nation, which I am not at liberty to speak of, has sued the NSWC over this matter.

Marc Statham: So, isn't that a NSWC matter, and why are we involved?

NSWC Lawyer: The nation which is suing is seeking unspecified damages, namely that your illegal particiation in the Baptism of Fire 14 has cost them a chance to qualify for the World Cup, as your illegally gained KPB points have unduely influenced every qualifying draw Qazox has been apart of. I must be going, we'll see you in court.

<The NSWC laywer leaves>

Marc Statham leaned back in his chair stunned by this development. 'Who the hell would gain if everything Qazox has done in the past 72 years of football is declared illegal?' he wondered, before picking up the dammed phone to call his boss.

World Cup 45 Qualification - Group 2
PRQ: @ Newmanistan [] (@ ummm...)
MD1: @ Greal [] (@ who knows where?)
MD2: vs Taeshan [] (@ Sanhaemun Football Stadium, Cheonjin - 60,000)
MD3: @ Albundania [] (@ here?)
MD4: @ Cassadaigua [] (@ pink!)
MD5: vs Candelaria And Marquez [] (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong - 150,000)
MD6: @ Mo Land 3 [] (@ ah-choo!)
MD7: vs Achtervolging [] (@ Dynasty Imperial Football Stadium, Namgyeong - 51,000)
MQ: @ Taeshan [] (@ ?O_O?)
MD8: vs Greal [] (@ Goguryeo Football Stadium, Pyeongyang - 52,000)
MD9: @ Taeshan [] (@ again?)
MD10: vs Albundania [] (@ Silk Road Stadium, Seoan - 56,000)
MD11: vs Cassadaigua [] (@ Munhwa Football Stadium, Hanseong - 65,000)
MD12: @ Candelaria And Marquez [] (@ somewhere good :P)
MD13: vs Mo Land 3 [] (@ Potala, Lasa - 34,000)
MD14: @ Achtervolging [] (@ ah-choo!)
PTQ: ???

Han Drawn Into Group 2... Again!

SKYHAVEN - Some sick and twisted joke it must be for the Han to be drawn into Group 2 again. And against Taeshan again! And Greal! Goodness, don't people read their history books? Do we really want to play these teams again? Well, whether we'd want to play them or not is not for us to decide, but rather for someone else to decide, and that someone else was Demot, the acursed puppet of the Elves of Valanora; you know they want us to FAIL and get drawn into the Cup of Harmony (where we'll succumb to an uncharacteristic third place or runner-up position, given our recent form in international cups).

And continuing our present form, we'll fail to impress the foreign crowds, as the ravenous foreign media eagerly soaks into the mass juice of Hans-losing-to-n00bs-ness. Oh yes, they'll have a field day when the Han lose to Greal, to Taeshan, to Albundania, to Cassadaigua, to Mo Land 3, and to Achtervolging. And then come that fateful meeting against C&M, they'll be happy to see the Blues run away with a win, while the Han sit stunned that they have lost every single match of World Cup Qualification. And then we'll probably see the end of Ioshido Toki...

But until then, we - the fans - must endure what is surely the end of Han football. And while people line up to see the Han falter in this miserable form, we - the fans - will still be there to cheer our battered team through the ruinous cries of insults, jeers, and parlays. And will we see the Han in the World Cup?

Maybe... But then we'll draw Valanora and drop out at the first sight of winning.

Saint Nash Courier
If you haven't heard it before, It's News to you!
SPORTS

The 45th World Cup Draw took place earlier tonight in Skyhaven, Demot and Qazox was drawn into Group 6, which features Dancougar and Kosovoe, two teams that qualified for World Cup 44, along with Qazox.

GROUP 6:

The Macabees #64
Dancougar #10
Kosovoe #27
Invisible Wabbits #118
Bears Armed #38
The McLaughlin Islands #145
Qazox #20
Bushdome #85

Pre-WC Friendly:
@ Krytenia (New City Stadium, Avidia)

Qazox Schedule for World Cup 45 Qualifying (http://wikistates.outwardhosting.com/wiki/Qazox_at_World_Cup_45_Qualifing):

MD1: @ Dancougar National Stadium, Yuki City
MD9: @ Kosovoe Port Kosovoe-West Leland Area Stadium, Port Kosovoe
MD3: @ Invisible Wabbits
MD4: vs. Bears Armed @ Henrí Savagé Stadium, New Recife; Capacity: 73,000.
MD5: @ The McLaughlin Islands Joshua McLaughlin Stadium, McLaughlin Magna
MD6: @ Bushdome
MD7: vs. The Macabees @ Irene Jacobvitz Stadium, Kibbutz; Capacity: 66,000.
MD8: vs. Dancougar @ Qazian Memorial Stadium, Qazox City; Capacity: 98,000.
MD2: vs. Kosovoe @ Champions Field, Qazox City; Capacity: 84,420.
MD10: vs. Invisible Wabbits @ Henrí Savagé Stadium, New Recife; Capacity: 73,000.
MD11: @ Bears Armed
MD12: vs. The McLaughlin Islands @ Estadio Azul Flores, Iguana de Mia; Capacity: 71,000.
MD13: vs. Bushdome @ Champions Field, Qazox City; Capacity: 84,420.
MD14: @ The Macabees


The early lines from New Bruxen Hotel and Casino have these odds:


The Macabees 20:1 to win group; 8:1 to qualify
Dancougar 2:7 to win group; 1:10 to qualify
Kosovoe 15:1 to win group; 3:1 to qualify
Invisible Wabbits 100:1 to win group; 40:1 to qualify
Bears Armed 18:1 to win group; 7:1 to qualify
The McLaughlin Islands 150:1 to win group; 50:1 to qualify
Qazox 7:3 to win group; 2:3 to qualify
Bushdome 25:1 to win group; 10:1 to qualify


Expect a full group by group break down in tommorrow's paper, and Our staff's predcitions for Qazox this World Cup.

Prux@WC45.com

Prux World Cup 45 Qualifying Schedule:
Ierissos
Milchama
Akbarabad
Arroza
Rymeria
Govindia
Septentrionia
Prux

(all Home Matches to be played the hopefully completed Griffin Stadium in Pawtucket, Prux, Capacity 67,500, Pics not available at this time.)
@ Ierissos
vs. Rymeria
@ Milchama
vs. Govindia
@ Akbarabad
vs. Septentrionia
@ Arroza
vs. Ierissos
@ Rymeria (somewhere in Space, probably)
vs. Milchama
@ Govindia
vs. Akbarabad
@ Septentrionia
vs. Arroza


Meet the ADVERTS (Part 4 of a 6 part series)
Back-up Defense and Keeper

Kool-Aid Man (backup Keeper)
http://www.kool-aiddays.com/images/stories/kool_aid_man_main.jpg
Hey Kool-aid! Be warned if you yell that at KAM this World Cup, he's probably going to smack you upside the head with a pitcher of Kool-Aidtm. Vunerable to a strong shot from a ball, but his sheer size blocks most of the net which makes it tough to score on him.
Height: 8'0", Weight: 300lbs.


Snap, Crackle and Pop (Back-up Defense)
http://www.google.com/images?q=tbn:fXsaynGUf6hojM::www.freewebs.com/icebutterfly/K_group-scp.jpg
These three hetro-sexual friends are almost indisinquishable from one one another, but if you look closely, they all look different. Odds are unless the team is either ahead by 5 goals or down by 5 goals, these guys won't see too much playing time.
Snap: Height: 2'5", Weight: 30lbs.
Crackle: Height: 2'5", Weight: 25lbs.
Pop: Height: 2'7", Weight: 30lbs.

This is BazFM, Your source for everything Bazalonian. It's 6pm BDT and it's now time for the news.

*news theme*

"Welcome to the BazFM News I am Edgar Heath, and here are the top stories in the news Today. Pranks Away, Police Say,Police are concerned about a speight of Prank calls to Bazalonian businesses, International Rescue to the Rescue, coverage of a major rescue as oil rig off the south coasst nearly explodes and aged Sporting stars an investigation in how old the national Bazalonian soccer team really are.

Today the latest crime figures from the police have been released while most crimes have remained low or have fallen to new lows, there has been a crime wave in Prank calls. Over 100 Prank calls have been made in the last month more than double the monthly average of 42. Police officials seem to believe that the vast majority of this work is the result of one man harrassing hard working Bazalonian businesses. Police are believed to be making inquiries in to the identity of this man. Is unknown but police are confident that they will find the perpetrator soon.

The lone Bazalonian oil rig operating in off the south eastern coast of Bazalonia today had a major catastrophic failure in which endangered the lives of all those working on the rig as well untold amount of crude oil that would devastate the aquatic environment. However it seemed that the wonderful machines known as thunderbirds arrived in time to save the day averting the environmental catastrophe and it's associated loss of life. It is unknown who pilots these vessels but the workers on the oil rig owe their lives to International Rescue and so do Bazalonia. In related news the petroleum company that owns the rig has announced that it will no longer be operating the rig as it's too costly to operate under these conditions and foreign oil is cheaper.

The Bazalonian Federation of Soccer Associations has been the national Football association for almost 80 years starting with World Cup 26 all those years ago, however with only one major squad shake up we can only ask just how old are our players and how come they never seem to age? No one at the BSFA has agreed to be interviewed especially The President. And this reporter can only wonder what is REALLY going on in Bazalonian Soccer. We do not know and if you happen do to know please email us at BFSA.Inquiry@bazfm.com.bz

That's it for the news and It's time for Sports with Timothy Eades.

Thank you Edgar, the Draws for the 45th World Cup is out, Bazalonia is the 3rd seed in group 9 along with Bostopia, 4th ranked nation in the world with 46.30 KPB points. Kura-Pelland ranked 18th with 27.42 KPB points, Peisandros ranked 35th with 15.88 KPB points, Colbourne ranked 60th in the world with 5.50 KPB points, Edward City ranked 83rd in the world with 2.56 KPB points, Lurikastan ranked 135th in the world with 0.33 KPB points and Mantwenic ranked 145th with no KPB Points. The Bazalopes are going to face a harsh battle to regain KPB points and honour by not only qualifying for the world cup but to progeess once again to the Round of 16. With Kura-Pelland and Bostopia blocking the way and Peisandros nipping at the Bazalope's heals it is anyone's guess about how the final result will turn out.

------------------

Bazalonian Federal Police (Telecommunication Crimes Division)

"I don't see why a simple prank caller should be a federal issue." Special Agent Mick Malloy of the BFP sighed as he qand his Boss, Special Agent-in-charge David Hughes started the phone taps on a business with their approval.

"Because it's technically a federal crime, and the Idiot pestered the Daughter of a Senator on the Home Security Commission."

"Oh, well that would explain it."

They had identified their man's MO, targeting businesses with the initials of BSF. It was just a matter of time until they targeted the biggest BSF of them all. The Bazalonian Space Federation.

Group Draw Announced

Yes its that time of year again, yet another trek begins with the small announcement of the Group Draw for the Purple Knights 8th apperance in World Cup Qualifying. Two more times around after this and the Knights will have achieved ten stages of qualification in there long history and over 20 tournament of international variety. The Knights will again look to prove that they can qualify reaching out to gain there fourth finals apperance and many believe that this will be another very chalenging year for the team.

As they have many times before the Knights see themselves 7 teams and 14 games away from a finals spot. Statistics say they will need as many wins and ties as possible as they trek for there third appearance on a fully international stage. The soccer stars of the great land of Taeshan shall trek to be the greatest they can, and achieve everlasting, eternbal fame for the third and hopefully not last time. Every year in Taeshani time a tournament of champions, the most watched and most attempted tournament in the world by nations from the Archregimancy to the great members of the Zwangzugian halls of greatness this year shall be a big year.

In those fourteen games the Knights will look to gain entrance into the hallowed fields of Demot and the gracious co-hosts the great country known as Capitalizt Slani. Each have achieved greatness in the world of football and as many have atested there fields are of the greatest grass and in this year when we if the gods see it fitting can gaze are eyes and float our feet upon these legendous feilds it will be with great honor and hopeful triumph in our eyes and with a love so great of this sport that many revere. As many hoped the time has come again for the Knights to take upon this great challenge, and great historical event and win honor for our great nation as humbily as possible.

Now never was there a tougher competition then the ones ahead of the Knights. Yes, only a few of these teams strike fear in the hearts of the people, but everyone knows on any given day anyone can be a hero and anyone can achieve the greatness they desiree. It is no small feat taking on the grandeur of qualification and as many before would say it is not somthing to be taking upon lightly. Many great teams have fallen before to the lowest of low teams, even the greatest teams in the history of any sport fall to the fury of disregard and are vunreable to luck, and unluckiness. Yes, this does not happen often, but chance is a small thing that can have a vast and enormous consequence.

In this such a gracious event many teams have risen and fallen, 7 teams stand in the way of the Knights on there honorable trek. They are the great teams from Daehanjeiguk, and Candelaria the modulure but not lighly taken Cassadaigua and greal, and the somewhat unknowns that can and probally will strike fateful blows Albundia, Achtervoling, and Mo Land 3. Yes only 4 of these teams have played us before and we now a little about there styles, but things can change and ther are other who could steal are victories and triumph on there greatest days. Everyone is vunreable even the mighty, and if we become scared of this we shall fail, so hold your heads up and strike fear with your blazing hearts in the face of the enemy.

Schedule
Pre Qualifiers
Taeshan VS Myedvedeyan @ X Island Metropark
Taeshan @ Jeruselem
First 7
Taeshan VS Albundia @ X Island Metropark
Taeshan @ Daehanjeiguk
Taeshan VS Candelaria and Marquez @ Atlantea Coliseum
Taeshan @ Mo Land 3
Taeshan VS Achtervoling @ X Island Metropark
Taeshan @ Greal
Taeshan VS Cassadaigua @ Docktown Memorial Stadium
Mid Qualifiers
Taeshan VS Sarzonia @ Docktown Memorial Stadium
Second 7
Taeshan @ Albundia
Taeshan VS Daehanjeiguk @ Atlantea Colliseum
Taeshan @ Candelaria and Marquez
Taeshan VS Mo Land 3 @ X Island Metropark
Taeshan @ Achtervoling
Taeshan VS Greal @ Docktown Memorial Stadium
Taeshan @ Cassadaigua
Post Qualifiers
Taeshan VS Sorthern Nothland @ Atlantea Coliseum
Taeshan VS Nethertopia @ Docktown Memorial Stadium
Taeshan Vs Peisandros @ Docktown Memorial Stadium

Bloody capitalizt adverts molesting my RP, which is now the next post down.

Snfa.sn>blogs

Reppin' the SN in Skyhaven.
By Eoghan Ó Cuillinn

Hello there to all of you who have nothing better to do than read what a bunch of Sorthern Northland Football Association employees have been up to. Speaking of which, I myself have just got to back to... the place I'm staying at in Skyhaven, Demot from the World Cup qualifying draw, at which I was at as the representative of the SNFA, having been the lucky one to win the drinking game we had back in the office to decide who would go.

As usual for a World Cup qualifying draw it was a rather sedate affair with a rather long delay, nutters, stone tablets being thrown around, drunkenness, a few pipe bombs exploding and a small duck attack. Security was of course tight, with the threats of antidaes such as ducks, geese and swans looming large as always, and of course lesser threats such as the Mujeongbu and Ríora Urraim dtí Inisnadún Náisiún (RUIN). Despite the tight security there were nonetheless concerns at the choice of bouncers on the entrance of the grand auditorium the event was held at, with some questioning how effective ghosts would be if trouble kicked off. However once it became clear that choosing ghosts to man the doors had kept any Bostopian representation well away from the event the choice was roundly applauded by all.

Straight away though there were problems. A Septentrionian repairman was called in to fix the machine drawing the groups. This of course made matters even worse, and in the end the repairman managed to completely destroy the machine, causing the organisers to write the names on a piece of paper and put them in a hat. Or something. Anyway the repairman was thrown into a closet as punishment, and it wasn't long after that, Favilus Sextus, conductor of the draw also saw fit to throw me into the closet until the end of the delay for a crime I have no recollection of. Trapped in the closet with me was the aforementioned Septentrionian repairman, the body of a pizza delivery guy, a couple of strange Hans, and a midget. Anyway, I have little recollection of what happened in there, but in the end I, along with the repairmen came out of the closet. Although I did come out with a strange mark on my arm. Sort of like a love-bite. Luke Evans, Ad'ihan's representative at the draw (and general in a rush for his flight guy) attributed the mark to the repairman. With this in mind, I quickly made tracks to the bar, where I was informed that I had broken the record for the longest a Sortherner has lasted at a World Cup draw without consuming alcohol. Over ten minutes if I remember correctly.

Whilst security at the draw was generally good, there was a major lapse about half way through when a flock of mallards found their way past the ghosts and into the hall. With many panicking, I quickly and calmly dealt with the situation by throwing a few pipe bombs around and getting rid of the bloody ducks. They literally were bloody as well by the time I'd dealt with them. Despite having obviously saved the lives of many, certain guests felt it inappropriate to be throwing pipe bombs around at a World Cup draw. And by certain guests, I mean Belinda Littlewood, the representative from Zwangzug. Honestly, the way she was acting, you'd think she held some important role in the World Cup Committee, such as the Vice Presidency or something. She even went and got my name wrong as well! I mean come on, how does one confuse Eoghan Ó Cuillinn for Eoghan O'Cuillinn!?

And of course there is the draw itself as well. Group 8 certainly looks interesting, with a trip to Yafolonia and Bazor 2 looking particularly exciting. Other interesting opponents in the group are Terreiro de Ogum, with their culture of recreational drug abuse, and an Atlantian Oceania derby against Sarzonia.

So, like I said at the start, a pretty uneventful evening, but an enjoyable one nonetheless. Bring on the next one! Oh and Cinna the Poet was there! Absolute legend. I remember being at uni when his masterpieces were introduced to Sorthern Northland. What an honour it was to meet the man himself. An absolute legend. Anyway, best be going or I'll be missing my flight home, like that Luke Evans.

PS, anyone else noticed he (Luke Evans) has the same initials as Liverpool England? Spooky.

THE ROCKET REPORT

GROUP DRAW ANNOUNCED; LAST CHANCE FOR SEVERAL

Putnam Lake, Newmanistan- It’s ready to begin, and after all the emotions that Empress Jessica wound up four years ago, football fans are ready to enjoy what should be Newmanistan’s best chance to qualify for the World Cup. The world’s greatest competition is being hosted by two nations who each reside in the top 10 of the World rankings, the Unified Capitalizt States (9th overall), and Demot (5th overall), and it’s format is pretty similar to other’s that we have seen recently. There are eight groups of ten, and the top three nations in each group will qualify, however there is one very notable difference. Newmanistan, ranked 32nd in the world, no longer is the 4th-seed of a group that needs to climb over another nation. This time, the Rockets are the third overall seed. So, if everything plays out as we hope then Newmanistan should be playing for the World Cup.

This is going to be an emotional Cup for the Empire as several players will be having their final chance to play in the World Cup. The most notable name on that list is the great Jeremy McAllister, who is the most prolific goal scorer in Empire history. J-Mac, by the end of the tournament may end up with 120-125 goals, and it would really be sad to see all of that come without ever playing in the World Cup. We don’t have the official stats right in front of us, but he would go down as one of the leading scorers never to play on a team that qualified. As the captain of the team, McAllister is highly motivated not to let that happen. His 11-year old son J-Mac, Jr looks to be on the track to become a professional football player himself and maybe one day he’ll get a chance to experience it, but right now it is about senior. McAllister has spent the last four seasons playing for Sporting Lakeport in Dancougar’s D-League, and even though that team has not performed well, McAllister has remained in excellent shape. At 37, he knows he’s not quite as fast as he used to be, but still can outrun many. Jeremy Brooker will also be in his final cup, and even though Brooker will never have the big goal number that McAllister has, he probably has prevented about as many as J-Mac has scored with outstanding and consistent play in the back. The gritty defender is expected to still be in great form for this World Cup qualifying effort because his game has never been about speed and agility anyway. Brooker is about awareness, positioning, and smothering defense, and all of those attributes only improve with age. He has had a strong career for Dunboor FC in Cafundeu, and the daily grind of that national league will get to you at some point. Goalkeeper Chris Kusler will also be in his final World Cup, as will be the team’s substitute keeper Corey Hennis. Third stringer Kurt Allwine may also be done after this one. Shawn Drummond, who is a reserve on this roster has also been on the team since our Baptism of Fire with over 100 caps, and he too will be hanging them up from international play. Alex Parnett has said that he would return in four years, but that decision will ultimately be made up to the coaching staff, and we are not sure about him right now. There are young players waiting in the wings, such as 18-year old starter Billy Prescott who promises to bring the style of game that his father brought to the team, but also players like Shawn Loughran and Robert Selvy mean that the Rockets still have a bright future. But for now, they will want to do it for the old guys.

Of the seven teams that will be standing in the Rockets way, Newmanistan seems pretty entrenched as the third-seed in Group 5. Here are the countries that we will be seeing during qualifying:

Vephrall (7)- World Cup 45 will represent the second time in which Newmanistan and Vephrall will be in the same qualifying group, the other time was World Cup 41. It was that World Cup where the Rockets had their most disappointing qualifying effort and is seen as the Cup that held this team back. Vephrall took care of business in both meetings, but this time around the Rockets will be hoping to get something against them. Vephrall also appeared in the most recent World Bowl here in Newmanistan and is a rising gridiron nation as well, however the teams have not had much head-to-head experience between them after World Bowl I.

The Archregimancy (16)- Underachievers meet underachievers. While Newmanistan has seen much disappointment in failing to qualify for the last five World Cups, the Monks have seen much disappointment themselves. Despite having been in World Cup competition from the start (although there was a hiatus for a while), The Archregimancy have been able to consistently qualify, but have always fallen short of reaching the promised land, or in this case, the World Cup title. Picture the Rockets World Bowl efforts being the same as they have been for the next 150 years or so, and you’ll understand what the Monks have gone through. They should have a good battle with Vephrall for the top spot.

Urna Eletronica (41)- The biggest threat. And Empress Jessica can only shake her head. With all the trouble that she has had with the Empire’s democracy effort, leading to the participation of Mordavia (West Newmanistan) in the World Cup, it would be a harsh turn of fate if this team of politicians prevented them from qualifying. We don’t officially know that they are politicians yet, but they probably are. You know how politicians are, always failing to meet deadlines.

The Bostopian Empire (49)- The team that prevented us from qualifying for World Cup 43. The bad draw that we got with them in their debutant effort was costly, and if we had those points, then the Rockets would have made the World Cup. Since then, The Bostopian Empire has improved as a team, having an impressive Cup of Harmony 35 performance and good things could be on the horizon for them. The Rockets will remember that costly result, however, and do everything that they can to ensure that it does not happen again. While the “other” Bostopians are a stronger challenge this time, it still is six points we do not want to squander.

Draistania (96)- They showed some positive flashes in World Cup 44 qualifying, but still look to be a team that has a long way to go, and are obviously six points that Newmanistan will be expecting to get. While they have never met in World Cup play, if the Rockets are looking for motivation, all they need to do is turn on tapes of the recent International Basketball Championships, in which Draistania eliminated us in the semifinals. Let’s show them how much different things are on the pitch, shall we?

Panuul (122)- Despite having a nice sounding name, this small country still has a way to go to be a feared nation on the World Cup scene. Newmanistan should get six points against them as Panuul looks to gain more international experience.

Kemball Island (NR)- Making their World Cup debut, although they elected not to participate in the recent Baptism of Fire. Their bigger mission will be trying to get points against teams like Draistania and Panuul, and should be a country Newmanistan beats twice. If we don’t, then, it would be a serious missed opportunity.


The magic number for qualifying in this format has generally been 25 or 26 points. You get that many, then you should make it. Newmanistan should be able to pick up six points against Kemball Island, Panuul, and Draistania. Four to six points against Urna Eletronica and the “other” Bostopians should do it, and any win the Rockets would get over Vephrall or The Archregimancy would probably seal the deal. But how often do things play out as they are drawn up? The bottom line is simply, finish in the top three, which we should. It’s time to finally make the World Cup.

The official schedule:
Pre-Qual Friendly A: at Dancougar “The Golden Ambiguous Bird on Skates Challenge Cup”
Pre-Qual Friendly B: vs Daehanjeiguk @ Putnam Lake Stadium
MD1: at Panuul
MD2: vs The Bostopian Empire @ Southport Stadium
MD3: at Urna Eletronica
MD4: vs The Archregimancy @ Tundra Falls Proving Grounds
MD5: at Vephrall
MD6: at Draistania
MD7: vs Kemball Island @ Centralia Stadium
Mid-Qual Friendly A: at Nethertopia
Mid-Qual Friendly B: vs Koseli Cumheriyetler in Nethertopia
MD8: vs Panuul @ Putnam Lake Stadium
MD9: at The Bostopian Empire
MD10: vs Urna Eletronica @ Loudon Stadium
MD11: at The Arechregimancy
MD12: vs Vephrall @ Pocono City Stadium
MD13: vs Draistania @ Dover Field
MD14: at Kemball Island
Post-Qual Friendly A: at Secristan
Post-Qual Friendly B: at Jeruselem

Group 9
Edward City 83
Lurikastan 135
Kura-Pelland 18
Peisandros 35
Bostopia 4
Colbourne 60
Bazalonia 25
Mantwenic 145

Peisandros has been drawn in what looks to be a tough group to qualify from. It will be very difficult to repeat the heroics of last World Cup, where the Sandrians made it all the way to the second round. They are the fourth seed in the group behind Bostopia, Kura-Pelland and Bazalonia. Not far behind them, in terms of ranking, are Colbourne and BoF champion Edward City. Making up the group are two outsiders in Lurikastan and Mantwenic who may struggle to get a win against the higher ranked teams.

The key for Peisandros if they are to qualify, is home games. A good home record is very important as Peisandros found out last year -- dropping some games late in the season that almost sent them towards the Cup of Harmony. However they were able to scrape through to the World Cup and didn't look back.

This time around Peisandros will not be able to sneak under the radar. They are no longer an unknown quantity. Much was made of their fantastic run and not all countries were entirely impressed with the way in which the Sandrians waltzed in and took the World Cup by storm. No, this time Peisandros will play with a target on their backs and rightly so. Despite all this, the Sandrians are determined to show it wasn't a fluke, a once-off. All the players are keen to play in a second World Cup and perhaps even crack the top 10.

The streets of the capitol were busy, a sign that life was finally starting to get back to normal after the war. He searched the crowd. They were a well dressed bunch, all smart suits and designer business dresses. But in this well heeled part of Hypocrium that’s what you’d expect. The crowd parted slightly and ten yards in front he spied his target. “Sir!”

Adam Scott at that moment considered himself the most content man in the entire Autocracy. After the dark days of the Nedalian invasion the country had struggled to get back on its feet. But now it seemed to be heading in the right direction. And Scott liked to think he had played his part. After all, had it not been him who had suggested a return to international football as something to give the miserable masses a new focus, something to cheer for? And wouldn’t the country benefit from all those new foreign visitors? Visitors who might actually pay their tab, unlike the last lot. So he had been put in charge of the Football Association of Hypocria and tasked with making it all happen. And now he was seeing everything come to fruition. A shout snapped him out of his reverie.

“Stevens, isn’t it a beautiful day?” He stopped, allowing his aide to catch up. “Can you feel that in the air Stevens? Can you? That’s excitement. The excitement that always comes before international sport. How i’ve missed it.”

“Yes sir.” Stevens managed, panting. “I’ve got thi . . .”

“No time for standing around. Walk with me, talk with me. Tell me what’s so important.”

“Well sir.” He struggled to keep up. “This came for you.” He handed over a piece of paper. “It’s the group draw.”

Group 1
Liventia (58)
West Newmanistan (108)
Myedvedeya (66)
Rennidan (34)
Hypocria (145)
Lovisa (13)
Yafor 2 (11)
West Zirconia (40)


“Really?” Scott was suddenly interested. “He glanced down the list without breaking stride. “Group 1, that's easy to remember. So what have we got? Liventia?”

“A mid ranked side from The Heartland.”

“The Heartland? So we can assume they can play a bit. West Newmanistan?”

“New boys on the circuit. Did well in the BoF group stage but fell down in the quarters. Actually they do come with a proviso.” He said, fishing around for another bit of paper. “Ah yes, apparently they don't actually exist. They're to be referred to as Mordavia. The instruction came from Minister Khoza’s office. No reason given but it was strongly hinted that the Autokrator himself gave the order.”

“Interesting. Well see that it happens. We certainly won’t cross the man who pays the bills. Myedvedeya?”

“Another mid ranked nation. A cold place with lots of bears apparently.”

“Lovely. What about Rennidan?”

“No idea sir. They’re ranked 34th in the world but that is all we could dig up on them.”

“Mysterious. Ah here we are. Great citadel! We weren’t ranked that low the first time around. Berisha and his boys have got their work cut out. My my. Lovisa? Are they really still going? Have you ever met a Lovisan woman?” He stopped abruptly. “Beautiful isn’t it?”

“I understand they can be quite hairy and . . . oh.” He tailed off as he saw exactly what his boss referred to. Looming ahead of them was the huge form of the Hyppodrome. The FAH had chosen well when giving the contract to renovate the national stadium to Kura-Pelland’s ShinyPlaces. Sure the last cheque had bounced so the plans for the roof had to be tweaked ever so slightly but it was still a magnificent sight.

“This is where the magic will happen Stevens. Right here. When we play that first game here against the Archregimancy we’ll have finally brought international football back to the Autocracy.”

Stevens frowned at the mention of the upcoming inauguration game, specifically the opponents. “I’ve been meaning to ask you about that sir. We were expecting a massive event to christen the new stadium. But the mad monks? No booze, no singing, no non-religious chanting, no women. It’s not exactly the grand event we hoped for.”

Scott smiled. “Maybe not. But there’ll be plenty of time for that later. Tell me Stevens have you ever looked at the record books? Of the 27 fixtures we played at the old Hyppodrome we won just 6. And lost 14. The Hyppodrome curse Stevens. And sure the friendly against the monks won’t be the spectacle the public want but once those monks get going show me the curse that could survive that amount of religious fervour. It’s not a friendly international it’s one big exorcism.”

“That’s inspired!”

“That’s why i’m in charge. Now where did we get to? Ah, here’s a name I recognise, Yafor 2. That’s one to look forward to. I always used to enjoy watching the Golden Wolves play. And West Zirconia?”

“They’re just nestled inside the top 40. It seems they ‘try - and try, and try, in the vain hope of actually qualifying’.”

“Lots of effort for no reward. Doesn’t that sound painfully familiar? I like them already. So who’ve we got first?”

“First up is . . . Rennidan, away.”

“Excellent, pass this onto Berisha. Let him know what he’s up against. And now we better get prepared for the monks. Remind me, what exactly am I supposed to wear to a giant exorcism?”

GOALS DEMANDED

Secristani teams have been on a pretty good run of late. A strong showing in the World Lacrosse Championships, and then semifinal appearances in the World Bowl and International Basketball Championships. Now, a World Baseball Classic title may be a couple days away, and at worse the Millionaires will finish second there. Then we have soccer. Not the most popular sport in the country and it does in fact rank below all of the other sports that were mentioned in the first two sentences. Despite finishing as the runner up in Baptism of Fire 30, Secristan has not had much success in this qualifying thing and purchases of the pay-per-view telecasts have been very inconsistent. They started well in World Cup 43 qualifying but once the team’s chances faded away, many people lost interest. The games with Jeruselem drew interest, but not really for the soccer. After winning Di Bradini Cup 7, hopes were high for World Cup 44 qualifying, and after starting with three draws, two of them scoreless draws, fans quickly turned away. The Millionaires attempt at being a defensive team floundered greatly and the team had four scoreless draws altogether, confirming why many in the country feel that soccer is way to boring to captivate their interests. Even worse, none of the teams in our group were exciting to draw interest from our fans. The Cup of Harmony was just as boring, with another scoreless draw mixed in. Now there is very little excitement in the country over the team. The Secristan Department of Sports fears a very lackluster showing in the amount of pay-per-view purchases and advertising revenues. To rectify this, the SDOS has provided a stern message. You must score goals. It doesn’t matter if we lost 6-3, or 9-2 to Valanora. The games must include goals to show our people that soccer is not a boring sport.

In our group, the 4th group, we are drawn with mighty Valanora. Not many soccer associations will cheer being drawn with them, but the celebratory sounds in the offices of the SDOS were deafening when the world’s greatest team was confirmed as being in our group. Those two games will certainly draw a ton of revenue, and the average bid price at Monopoly Stadium to see them on our turf should be astronomical, and at the level of the Jeruselem appearance in World Cup 43 qualifying. We cares if we lose 9-1, Valanora’s best in Secristan could be the spark plug we need as nation for soccer interest. Jeru FC should also be a nice little earner. It’s not Jeruselem, but close enough. Jasiyun and Koseli Cumheriyetler are good teams but might not have the necessary spark for our people. San Castello and Logria will probably be the duds but at the same time our best chances at wins, as will be Forn Parts. However, there might just be some appeal to these games with Forn Parts, we’ll have to wait and see. Friendly-wise, we have three confirmed so far. Pre-qualifying there’s a road match with Arroza, and then post-qualifying we host Cassadaigua and Newmanistan. Other friendlies have been attempted to get arranged, but nothing else has been worked out.

The Schedule, cost of the pay-per-view telecast, and minimum bid price of the home games are listed below: (PPH= Price per half, PFG- Price Full game, MBP- Minimum Bid Price)

FR1- at Arroza;. PPH- 49R, PFG- 95R
MD1- vs Jeru FC; PPH- 79R, PFG- 150R, MBP- 50R
MD2- vs Valanora; PPH- 99R, PFG- 195R, MBP- 150R
MD3- at San Castello; PPH- 29R, PFG- 55R
MD4- vs Logria; PPH- 29R, PFG- 55R, MBP- 10R
MD5- at Jasiyun; PPH- 69R, PFG- 130R
MD6- vs Koseli Cumheriyetler; PPH- 49R, PFG- 95R, MBP- 20R
MD7- at Forn Parts; PPH- 49R, PFG- 95R
MD8- at Jeru FC; PPH- 99R, PFG- 190R
MD9- at Valanora; PPH- 139R, PFG- 275R
MD10- vs San Castello; PPH- 19R, PFG- 35R, MBP- 5R
MD11- at Logria; PPH 39R, PFG- 75R
MD12- vs Jasiyun; PPH- 59R, PFG- 115R; MBP- 30R
MD13- at Koseli Cumheriyetler; PPH- 59R, PFG- 115R
MD14- vs Forn Parts; PPH- 39R, PFG- 75R, MBP- 15R
FR2- vs Newmanistan; PPH- 99R, PFG- 190R, MBP- 100R
FR3- vs Cassadaigua; PPH- 79R, PFG- 150R, MBP- 50R

Over two hundred years ago a West Zirconian farmer named Joshua McLaughlin, concerned about the deteriorating quality of his arable land, left his Snaith farm, taking with him his wife, four sons and four daughters and set off in search of new lands.

In fact, they sailed for all of twelve miles before discovering a pair of islands which, on closer inspection, seemed fertile enough to suit their lifestyle. They settled on the larger of the two, and set about farming and breeding - both their livestock and themselves.

Two centuries later, the McLaughlin Islands remain a dependency of West Zirconia, sharing their allegiance to the Grand Duke, their use of the West Zirconian crown and their penchant for meerkats. The two islands, McLaughlin Magna and McLaughlin Parva, are equally fertile, although most of the population inhabit McLaughlin Magna, on account of it being bigger. Emigration is nil and, as it happens, so is immigration.

In response to a request from the West Zirconian FA, the islands have formed their own football team, which will play at the 4,500-capacity Joshua McLaughlin Stadium on McLaughlin Magna.

For this first ever World Cup Qualifying campaign, their fixtures will be as follows:

Matchday 1 Kosovoe (away)
Matchday 2 Invisible Wabbits (home)
Matchday 3 Bears Armed (away)
Matchday 4 Bushdome (away)
Matchday 5 Qazox (home)
Matchday 6 The Macabees (away)
Matchday 7 Dancougar (home)

Matchday 8 Kosovoe (home)
Matchday 9 Invisible Wabbits (away)
Matchday 10 Bears Armed (home)
Matchday 11 Bushdome (home)
Matchday 12 Qazox (away)
Matchday 13 The Macabees (home)
Matchday 14 Dancougar (away)

West Zirconian FA Chairman Damon Clarke has sent a message of support to the McLaughlin Islands team, wishing them every success in the competition.

http://i280.photobucket.com/albums/kk176/rennidan/Untitled-2.png
CIVIL WAR
But we'll still play football!


IN THE OPENING HOURS of Monday morning last week, the first shots of Rennidan's civil war were fired when a group of rebels, named the People of Rennidan, opened fire on the Emperor's convoy. The Emperor himself is, reportedly, unharmed, but the act was enough to drive the elder to declare war on his own people. Rennidan has now been split in two, but we are being assured that the country's World Cup attempt will still go ahead.

Plans:

An official announcement from Ryan Malkoa, rumoured to be linked to the People of Rennidan himself, has laid out the plans for just how the football team will work around the war. Home games will be played in the 125,000 accommodating Eagle's Nest Stadium, situated atop Mount Rennida. Visiting sides will be accompanied by armoured fleets on both runs of the airport-stadium trip, and hopes are that an official ceasefire will be announced on match days. Advice to visiting fans is that you do not travel to Rennidan under any circumstances, but no doubt some diehards will risk their necks just to watch their pride and glory play.

Counts of the dead so far are still underway, but the Rennidan Health Organization are placing a wary figure of two thousand dead so far, which is expected to perhaps triple by the time qualifying for the World Cup is complete.

THE MONASTIC FOOTBALL ASSOCIATION
BRINGS YOU

THE FEAST OR SAINT OF THE DAY

The Qualification Draw

Cheesefare Sunday - The Expulsion of Adam from Paradise

As the results of the World Cup 45 Qualification Draw were being announced on Cheesefare Sunday, the last day before Great Lent, the Archregimancy's monastic football team were given cause to think upon the story of Adam's expulsion from Paradise. God commanded Adam to fast, but he did not obey. Because of their disobedience, Adam and Eve were cast out of Eden and lost the life of blessedness, knowledge of God, and communion with Him, for which they were created. Both they and their descendents became heirs of death and corruption.

Perhaps, pondered the squad, this was an analogy that could be applied to their wretched record of World Cup underachievement. They had competed in every tournament since World Cup 24, and what did they have to show for it? One quarterfinal as hosts all the way back in World Cup 28, and a third place finish some three World Cups back. Was God punishing them for their stubborn pride, much as Adam and Eve had been cast out of Eden? Was their inability to reach footballing paradise caused by their wicked iniquities? Though their qualifying group had been relatively kind, with only Vephrall ranked above them, would they trip up against the likes of Newmanistan and Urna Eletrônica; worse, would they drop points to Kemball Island or Panuul?

They considered the benefits of fasting, the consequences of disobedience, and recalled their fallen state. On this day of the calendar, they were called upon to cleanse themselves of evil through fasting and obedience to God. Fasting was not a negative thing, merely an abstention from certain foods. It was an opportunity to free themselves from the sinful desires and urges of their fallen nature, and to nourish their souls with prayer, repentance; to participate in church services, and partake of the life-giving Mysteries of Christ.

Perhaps, they thought, if they approached Great Lent in the appropriate spirit, this would be enough to bring them at least a point against Vephrall, and six points each against the likes of the Bostopian Empire and Draistania.

They left training for Forgiveness Vespers, where they sang: "Let us begin the time of fasting in light, preparing ourselves for spiritual efforts. Let us purify our soul, let us purify our body. As we abstain from food, let us abstain from all passion and enjoy the virtues of the spirit…."

A win away to Urna Eletrônica in the opening match would be a good start, mused Fr. Anthony.

Courtney’s Space

World Cup 45 will be getting underway very soon and we will be looking to build on what we have been able to do in the last two World Cup qualifying tries. We’ve been drawn into a difficult group, but we will take a lot of inspiration from what our World Bowl and World Baseball Classic teams have done recently. The World Bowl team went from 1-9 to 7-3 in a year, and the baseball team went from losing out in the preliminary stage to even get a chance to qualify, to also going 7-3 before they were eliminated. What those teams have done is shown the resiliency of Cassadagan athletes. We aren’t the type to give up even if the odds are stacked up against us, and if things did not go our way, we just come right back and give it another shot. That is true for us in soccer as well. No one knows if we will qualify for the World Cup, and people will tell us that in a group that has Candelaria And Marquez, Daehanjeiguk, and Taeshan, that we do not have a chance. We have played Candelaria And Marquez in qualifying in World Cup 43 and we have one win and one draw against them in the two games that we played. Why could we not beat them again? Taeshan we’ve played close with before, making the only real unknown of those three to be Daehanjeiguk. We have a budding rivalry with Greal perhaps, and they are in our group as well. We have confidence that we can surprise a lot of people in qualifying. The team that we have is a good mix of veterans and youth and we all believe in one another. It will be a grueling fourteen games, with some friendly matches mixed in.

I have been asked by a lot of people if this is going to be my last World Cup. I guess a lot of 34 year old athletes need to be asking themselves that question, but it is not really something that I have thought about. I still feel that I am on top of my game right now and that I can help this team win games. We have some younger people at this position, and you will see one of them starting beside me in Stacie Kerrigan. She is an energetic one and I do believe that she will lead this team into the future. A few of those people that were on our Di Bradini Cup 7 roster have made their way onto the senior team and I couldn’t be any more proud of them. If I felt as though I was holding them up, and that they were more deserving of starting at this position then I am, then I would step aside and let them have it. My experiences, however, are something that I think can only help these young athletes and one day they will wear the captain’s armband. No, this is not going to be my last World Cup if I can do anything about it. I do feel that I can come back in four years, so maybe that would be my last World Cup, but not right now. As a team, we are ready and excited about beginning qualification and we do believe that we can make the World Cup.

This is our schedule:
Game 1- at Mo Land 3
Game 2- vs Albundania
Game 3- at Achtervolging
Game 4- vs Daehanjeiguk
Game 5- at Greal
Game 6- vs Candelaria And Marquez
Game 7- at Taeshan
Game 8- vs Mo Land 3
Game 9- at Albundania
Game 10- vs Achtervolging
Game 11- at Daehanjeiguk
Game 12- vs Greal
Game 13- at Candelaria And Marquez
Game 14- vs Taeshan

Group Draw Announced

The group draw for the 45th World Cup was announced yesterday by co-hosts Demot. There are ten groups, of which the top three nations in each will qualify for the World Cup proper, in Demot and Capitalizt SLANI. Myedvedeya have been drawn into group one as a long shot to qualify, considering our absence at the last World Cup due to political issues.

Also drawn into our group are:

(58)Liventia- not much higher ranked than our own #66, Liventia is a team we should definitely strive to get a win against at home, and possibly earn some points on the road. They will be one of our better opportunities.

(108)Mordavia- A recent BoF squad, this nation, whose rebel government wishes to be called "West Newmanistan", should not pose our squad any troubles. We must beat them home and away if we wish to qualify.

(34)Rennidan- This squad will be very difficult to defeat, but we should be able to pull out at least a point at home against them.

(UR)Hypocria- A must-win in both matches, Hypocria is not a side we can allow to get any points off us.

(13)Lovisa- One of the teams almost guaranteed qualification from this group, getting any points off Lovisa at all would be considered a fantastic outcome in this qualifying campaign.

(11)Yafor 2- The highest-ranked in the group, the same holds true for this squad as for Lovisa. Any points off them would be a huge confidence booster for our squad.

(40)West Zirconia- Another mid-level team, we will have to score some points off the West Zirconians to qualify.

SCHEDULE:
MD1- VS Lovisa, Krakovsky Stadion, Moskva, Myedvedeya
MD2- @ Yafor 2
MD3- VS Liventia, Krakovsky Stadion, Moskva, Myedvedeya
MD4- @ Mordavia
MD5- VS West Zirconia, Krakovsky Stadion, Moskva, Myedvedeya
MD6- VS Rennidan, Krakovsky Statdion, Moskva, Myedvedeya
MD7- @ Hypocria
MD8- @ Lovisa
MD9- VS Yafor 2, Krakovsky Stadion, Moskva, Myedvedeya
MD10- @ Liventia
MD11- VS Mordavia, Krakovksy Stadion, Moskva, Myedvedeya
MD12- @ West Zirconia
MD13- @ Rennidan
MD14- VS Hypocria, Krakovsky Stadion, Moskva, Myedvedea

Hours before Sarzonia manager Brian Wilson was set to head to the practice field for a final session before departing for Portland, Woodstock Daily Mail reporter Travis West caught up with him to react to the group draw.

The Stars would be in Group 8 for World Cup XLV qualifying. The road to Demot or Capitalizt SLANI was going to be tough no matter what.

"Coach," West began. "So you start out with an away fixture to Yafalonia and Bazor 2," West began. "Can you talk about that match?"

"We're still trying to put the finishing touches on preparation for our match against Hypocria," Wilson said. "Right now, we haven't begun preparations for Yafalonia and Bazor 2 in earnest. We will before long, though. Having said that, we're going to be preparing hard for Miso Kite. He's going to be a lot for us to handle."

West nodded as he wrote his notes down, then he asked another question.

"You have World Cup finalists Cafundéu in the group. Any reaction to that?"

"It's going to be a tough derby," Wilson said. "We knew going in that we'd get at least one supremely tough team. That's the way the World Cup works. Having said that, we hope the familiarity we gained from playing in Cafundéu during the Cup of Harmony works in our favour."

"What about Terreiro de Ogum?"

"We're hoping [assistant manager] Chris Hannan can give us a few pointers," Wilson said with a laugh. "Rymeria faced them in World Cup XLIV qualifying. Terreiro de Ogum are number 33 in the world for a reason. Sorthern Northland are also going to be tough and are likely favourites to advance to the World Cup proper. After that, you have a scramble."

"You play Quintessence of Dust in this group," West said. "They started out looking like another possible unranked sensation at the very beginning of World Cup XLIV."

"Yeah," Wilson said. "We're not going to take anyone lightly here. We're going to have to be prepared against Greston and Noásahi as well. We're not in a position where we can take points for granted."

"Any reaction to the Under 21 national team's victory in the Di Bradini Cup?"

"I think it bodes well for the sort of depth we can expect to have on our side," Wilson said. "I congratulate Brett Hancock on his performance as manager of that team."

"That's about all the time I've got," Wilson said. "I've got to go run this training session for us before we face the Hyppos. Then we've got a flight to Portland for the match in the new Iron Bowl."

"What do you think about ShinyPlaces's construction of the new Iron Bowl?"

"It looks great," Wilson said. "I can't wait to get onto that pitch."

The Football Association is today proud to release the list of stadia to be used in Bostopia's home games in World Cup 45 qualifying.

MD01: Peisandros -v- Bostopia
MD02: Mantwenic -v- Bostopia
MD03: Bostopia -v- Colbourne - Bostopia Stadium, Fort Boston (103,499)
MD04: Bazalonia -v- Bostopia
MD05: Bostopia -v- Edward City - Monham Rock Stadium, Monham (34,223)
MD06: Lurikastan -v- Bostopia
MD07: Bostopia -v- Kura-Pelland - Fort Boston Arena, Fort Boston (87,093)
MD08: Bostopia -v- Peisandros - Deepbay Stadium, Port Flamerty (83,500)
MD09: Bostopia -v- Mantwenic - Sky Blue Stadium, Riikenberg (38,000)
MD10: Colbourne -v- Bostopia
MD11: Bostopia -v- Bazalonia - Landsberg Stadium, Caflin (61,000)
MD12: Edward City -v- Bostopia
MD13: Bostopia -v- Lurikastan - Bostopia Stadium, Fort Boston (103,499)
MD14: Kura-Pelland -v- Bostopia

The Bostopian Empire's Football Association hereby releases it's list, pleased that no matches will take place on the Bostopian "Home Isles" this time.

MD01: The Bostopian Empire -v- Vephrall - Workers Stadium, Vladigrad City, Vladmiristak (132,664)
MD02: Newmanistan -v- The Bostopian Empire
MD03: The Bostopian Empire -v- Kemball Island - National Field, Adoros City, Adoros (64,745)
MD04: Panuul -v- The Bostopian Empire
MD05: The Bostopian Empire -v- Draistania - Sygon Stadium, Sygon City, Outer Sygon (76,962)
MD06: The Bostopian Empire -v- Urna Electronica - The Skinner of Chikoo Stadium, Leprechaun Goldmine, Chikoo (23,633)
MD07: The Archregimancy -v- The Bostopian Empire
MD08: Vephrall -v- The Bostopian Empire
MD09: The Bostopian Empire -v- Newmanistan - Byrne Field, Poundland, Rental Save (63,000)
MD10: Kemball Island -v- The Bostopian Empire
MD11: The Bostopain Empire -v- Panuul - West Stadium, Arbad City, Bostopian Arbad Islands (33,260)
MD12: Draistania -v- The Bostopian Empire
MD13: Urna Electronica -v- The Bostopian Empire
MD14: The Bostopian Empire -v- The Archregimancy - Victory Stadium, FIDA City, FIDA Isle (47,332)

Schedule!

@ Cassadaigua
Secristan @ Casino Royale, Huracan (64,720)
Rymeria @ War Memorial Field, Vulcan, Pine Forest (71,594)
@ Govindia
Septentrionia @ Resurgens Velodrome, Resurgens, Res. (92,746)
@ Ierissos
Milchama @ Seraph Field, Evangeline, Eva. (92,400)
@ Akbarabad
Prux @ Dino-Go! Stadium, Refinery, P.H. (71,500)
@ Bears Armed
@ Vephrall
@ Rymeria @ Government Park, Atalanta, C.D. ?
Govindia @ Miracolo Del Sur, Santos, L.T. (20,400)
@ Septentrionia
Ierissos @ Livewire Field, Aderholt, St. Simona (28,400)
@ Milchama
Akbarabad @ Fisherman's Union, Black Tide, S.C. (25,500)
@ Prux

Teams in the Group:

Milchama (8) – The silent attackers from Milchama are the 8th ranked team in the world, and the hands on favorite to win the group. Hopefully we'll get a point off them from our game in Evangeline.

Septentrionia (24) – We know nothing about them except that they're somewhere in the cold north of Atlantic Oceania. And they're Frenchies.

Prux (29) – Luckily the Drunken Irishmen are gone from this team, but they've been replaced by a ream full of...cereal spokesmen? That's right, a team that could have pulled straight from the nightmares of a starving diabetic.

Akbarabad (53) – Akbarabad's another team like us. A climber in the ranks who's temporarily hit their heads on the glass ceiling of being ranked in the low 50's or upper 40's. These two games will probably determine whether we go forward or not.

Rymeria (87) – The Spacemen from Rymeria are definitely a known quality in Arroza, after playing their home games in World Cup 44 at Government Park in Atalanta. We also know that they hate country music with the passion of a thousand suns. What's unknown is where they'll play their home games for this World Cup.

Govindia (129)
Ierissos (UNR) – Take these teams out behind the woodshed and work on them. Anything less than 12 points from these unknowns is a loss.

Hope: We're probably going to need 25 points to qualify. 12 from Govindia and Ireissos, hopefully six from Rymeria. That makes 18. As for the other seven? Well hopefully we can beat Akbarabad and Prux at home, and get a draw either against Sept- at home or against Akbarabad or Prux on the road.

What You Need To Know:
As a result of the protests regarding the Ministry of Sport and Tourism's inability to play games or market their tourism on lesser known provinces, each of Arroza's 8 home games will be played in a different province of Arroza, giving teams a chance to see more of the country. Whether that's a good thing hasn't been determined yet.

Today's Home Game:
Secristan @ Casino Royale, Huracan.

Playing the Millionaires in a pre-qualifying friendly has become a tradition, with it happening in three straight cups now. With the series tied at 1-1, and at 2-2 in all sports, this game should be a quality match-up between two very different countries, both on the rise to sporting prominence. Secristan should feel right at home in Huracan, the opulent capital of the similarly maned province. Because of the Arrozan Law, that only allows gambling within 500 yards of the shoreline, casino's abound along the stretch of waterfront known as the Golden Beach. The beaches however, aren't public access, and are owned by the casinos who controversially charge admission and keep out “undesirables and ugly people”. It's a minor outrage to the public who crowds places like National beach, but the Secristani's should feel at home. Casino Royale is home to the Lucky Sevens club team. This giant multi-use complex houses not only a 60,000 plus seat stadium, but five luxury hotels, an exclusive shopping mall, the best beachfront property in Huracan and the massive Bonne Temps casino, waterpark, and brothel. You can get in so much trouble here, it's not funny.

Today's Away Game:
Arroza @ Cassadaigua (Concord Heights)

This will be the second straight World Cup where we play the Femme Fatales from Cassadaigua, and last time the result wasn't great as the Arrozan B-Team struggled to a 2-0 loss at Concord Heights. Honestly, I think this game is more of a chance for Valente to try out his pick-up artist skills in a country with a 2:1 female to male ratio. This game will probably be more of the same as Valente says he'll use this game to determine the squad's depth and get older players up to 100%.

Akbarabad set to begin World Cup Campaign.

(Akbarabad press, AP): The Akbarabad national team starts their world cup qualifying campaign with a home game at the Akbarabad National Stadium against Govindia. A win is absolutely vital against the relatively unknown opponents, if the campaign is to get off on the right foot. Having been denied qualification last time around on goal difference despite being given no chance in the beginning, the team is determained to make amends. At the same time, the team cannot afford to take their opponents lightly, as dropping points against the lower ranked sides, was what was ultimately responsible for their demise last around.

The long-awaited draw for the World Cup qualifiers has once again put West Zirconia in a difficult group. No Valanora or Daehanjeiguk this time, but the presence of Yafor 2 and Lovisa should make the task impossible for Roy Hazell's men.

The schedule is as follows:

Matchday 1: Liventia (away)
Matchday 2: Hypocria (at STORMGroup Stadium, Mort Park)
Matchday 3: West Newmanistan (away)
Matchday 4: Lovisa (at Birchfields, Markham)
Matchday 5: Myedvedeya (at Krakovsy Stadion, Moskva)
Matchday 6: Yafor 2 (at Manchester Street, Moorcroft)
Matchday 7: Rennidan (away)

Mid-qualifying friendlies:

Candelaria And Marquez (at Manchester Street, Moorcroft)
Krytenia (at ArenaWest, Aigburth)
Cassadaigua (away)


Matchday 8: Liventia (at KPM Stadium, Snaith)
Matchday 9: Hypocria (away)
Matchday 10: West Newmanistan (at STORMGroup Stadium, Mort Park)
Matchday 11: Lovisa (away)
Matchday 12: Myedvedeya (at City of Houghton Stadium, Houghton)
Matchday 13: Yafor 2 (away)
Matchday 14: Rennidan (at Williamson Park, Banks)

Post-qualifying friendly:

Nethertopia (at Marc Edwards Memorial Stadium, Redwood)

Roy Hazell would not be drawn into assessing West Zirconia's chances. Captain Ben Phillips remarked, "Well, any eleven men can beat any other eleven men on the day. Whether we'll be able to do it fourteen times is another thing, but we'll certainly try."

Could this be the year for West Zirconia? Or will realism once again take over?


[OOC: To Nethertopia - I don't recall finalising where our friendly was. Hope you didn't mind me pinching it. Still, Redwood's a lovely place...]

[OOC - writing using only one syllable words is trickier than you might think...]

UG-UG'S DIARY

An Imperial Neolithic Odyssey

Hi.

I am Ug-Ug.

I play rock ball. I play foot ball too. Rock ball is best.

Nice men from coach two's home have made us furs. Furs are gold and red and black. Furs are warm.

Ug-Ug like furs.

Coach one not pleased that furs come from coach two's home. Coach one use lots of big words to say is wrong to use furs from coach two's home. Coach two ask Ug-Ug what I think. I say furs are warm and nice and that Ug-Ug like furs. Coach one frown, but furs stay.

Now Ug-Ug told of thing called 'World Cup Draw'. Ug-Ug not know what 'World Cup Draw' is, but now we know teams we play rock ball with.

Ug-Ug hear that these teams not like to play with rocks. They like to play with balls. Ug-Ug think these teams are soft.

Ug-Ug can tell coach one and coach two not pleased with World Cup Draw. We must play coach two's home. Coach two frown at this news; he sad now. Then there is team from place called Kry... Kryt... Why do all these teams have long names? This team is good too, though how can team that not kick rocks be good?

Rest of teams in group not as good as coach two's home and long name Kry place, but Ug-Ug must still kick rock hard to win games.

Ug-Ug likes to kick rocks hard.

Ug-Ug wants to win games.

In first game we leave home to play team called Ga... Gar... It too has long name, but we know we can beat this team.

They are crap.

But think must play Bears first in game that not count. Why we play bears? Do bears kick rocks? Ug-Ug think bear meat tastes good! Can Ug-Ug eat these bears? Must ask coach.

Our Picks For This World Cup

Group 1
Lovisa
Yafor 2
Rennidan

Group 2
Daehanjeiguk
Candelaria and Marquez
Taeshan

Group 3
Milchama
Prux
Arroza

Group 4
Valanora
Jeru FC
Secristan

Group 5
The Archregimancy
Vephrall
Newmanistan

Group 6
Dancougar
Qazox
Kosovoe

Group 7
The Holy Empire
Starblaydia
Krytenia

Group 8
Cafundeu
Sorthern Northland
Sarzonia

Group 9
Bazalonia
Bostopia
Kura Pelland

Group 10
Adi'han
Jeruselem
Kelssek

And will be joined by our gracious hosts Capitalizt Slani and Demot

Jenny looked at the letter. She had never been good at reading, having never completed primary school, but she had read enough sports magazines to understand a team draw.

"What's this word?" She asked.

Rand Hanhoolie stared at the paper, then stared at Jenny, uncomprehendingly. He had never finished primary school either. The main difference between the two was that he was 32, and she was 9.

"I dunno," he answered. "Ask the quack."

Dr. Dengly looked at the crumpled paper. He pushed his frazzled white hair from his eyes, and fiddled with his glasses.

"Group Four," he read, "1. Secristan. Is that a country? What a silly name!"

Jenny searched her extensive memory for the name. They'd definitely played football in the past. It'd probably come to her eventually.

Dr. Dengly continued. "Valanora. Oh, that's the inflammation of the liver due to over-consumption of salt. Treatable by...uh...psychiatry. Or amputation. Yes, amputation."

Jenny's eyes widened. "Valanora's the best team in the world! They're better than Starblaydia!"

Rand was unimpressed. "Can they shoot?"

"Yes!"

"What caliber?"

"What? No, they shoot on the goal, silly! They're really, really, really good!"

Rand snorted. "Shoot on the goal? Who shoots a goal? I'm gonna shoot them, is what I'm gonna shoot. Got me a shotgun, didn't I?"

Dengly ignored them. "San Castello. San Castello. San Castello. Hmph. I bet they speak some awfully foreign language there. And live in castles. Are they barbarians from the stone age, Jenny? Or are they known for their exotic, tantalizing, busty Señoritas?"

Jenny shook her head. She didn't know what an exotic, tantalizing, busty Señorita was. "No, they're known for some other sport, which is played by throwing hard balls at people and whacking things with sticks."

Rand nodded approvingly. "That sounds like a sport someone put some proper thought into. Not this 'Kick the ball, not the other person' piss we're supposed to play."

"Just imaging the ball is a penguin, Rand." Said Jenny. "You love kicking penguins. They've got the same color, anyways."

Brother Uqk and Brother Aqk, both of whom had previously been completely ignoring the examination of the draw, looked over, their beady eyes fixed murderously on Jenny.
After a moments hesitation, they remembered just how shrill Jenny's voice could be if she was upset, so they instead proceeded to kick Rand Hanhoolie between the legs. Hard. They rather liked to kick the man. It always produced amusing results.

Rand's voice drifted upwards, a high-pitched voice, laced with agony. "Right...The ball is...a bloody fucking penguin...Consider it...Done."

"Logria," proclaimed Dengly, oblivious to the violence. "Sounds like a common infection of the hips. Often occurring in older people, and in hypocrites."

"They're new," said Jenny. "But pretty good. I think they're all factory workers."

Dengly snorted in derision. He was a (poorly) educated man, and looked down on the working masses.

"Jas...Jas-yeee-yoooo-wehhnn...Ok, forget what I said about Castello. This has got to be the most Foreign place on the list. What were these people thinking when they came up with their language? 'Oh, let's sound really, really Foreign, so that our language fits with our garlic smell and our towel-heads'? Sheesh. Some countries..."

Jenny frowned. "Jas??y?n's a good team," she said, effortlessly pronouncing the country's name. "I mean, we shouldn't even bother trying against Valanora, but I think Uqk and Aqk might need to take care of Jas??y?n."

The two penguins looked up from their busy routine of breaking Rand's fingers. 'Taking Care Of' people was not something they were interested in. Unless Jenny was less naive than they'd pegged her for.

"This next one is somebody's name: Koseli Cumhuriyetler," said Dengly. "Who is this Koseli, and how old is she? And is she available?"

Jenny sighed. "Koseli Cumhuriyetler is a country, silly. They're also pretty good. I don't like this drawing."

Dengly squinted at the smudged ink on the paper. "Porn Parts...Oh, wait, sorry, that's us, For'n Farts, right? Next one is...Jeru Eff See. What is it with Foreigners and crude names? Why not simply call it J.F.C. and make a complete mockery of a name?"

Jenny's eyes lit up. "Uh-oh. That's a team that knows how to play like we do. A lot of them are in the army, and most of them are girls."

Dengly's mouth curled into the most lecherous smile The Team had ever seen. "Mostly ladies? Oh-ho! Uh-Huh-Huh-Huuuh! I think I'd best stock up on hair-gel, then...And make a run to the convenience store for some, ah, night-time accessories."

Jenny looked at him, uncomprehendingly. "You need a night-light?"

Dengly ignored her, his mind working over-time in an effort to remember all the worst pick-up lines he knew.

----

Om Nom stood mournfully at Sergeant Kloom's mattress. The Troglodyte had only known Kloom for three days, but felt a deep connection to his team captain.

Kloom looked like a bad imitation of a mummy. Gauze bandages covered 85% of his body. The rest of his body was wrapped in linen, because Dengly had run out of gauze.

The grenade hadn't actually caused all that much damage. In fact, Kloom had only been knocked unconscious for a few moments, and had suffered a few minor shrapnel wounds and a severe burn to the left arm.

However, he was unable to stop Dr. Dengly from operating on him. And that was when the pain had set in. Woe to the organism which wakes up to find Dengly in full surgical clothing standing over it. Medieval torture is often found preferable to the experience.

Om Nom stood sentry faithfully. Rand had promised to let him eat the Captains body if Kloom died. And Om Nom had noticed that Mr. Rudolph H. Curry's swarm of corpse-flies had been eying Kloom's unmoving form greedily. Nom wasn't going to let them take his prize!

Time For The Blue Tornado To Form Again

After there suprising furey into the international stage with there exciting dash into the World Cup the Tornado now are again expected to represent there country and return to the scene of the crime and suprise the world once again. The Tornado slipped into third place in there group on the final fateful nights of the qualifying stage, then they again stunned the world qualifying through a group they should have easily been destroyed in. Shockingly enough they then fell to Valanora in an unsuprising romp in the round of sixteen, but through even this they shocked many in beating the spread.

Now this year due to that fateful history the Tornado have risen in the world of soccer and hopefully as history tells us they can qualify to the World Cup through a group that shall be a big one. The seven other teams are Qazox, Dancougar, The Macabees, Invisible Wabbits, Bears Armed, the Mcluaghin Islands and Bushdome. This shall be an eventful year for the Blue Tornado and they shall look to destroy the younger teams, and play with maches versus the larger bigger teams.

Schedule
Kosovoe VS The McLaughin Islands @ Zwalgfelder Arena
Kosovoe @ Qazox
Kosovoe VS The Macabees @ Zwalgfelder Arena
Kosovoe @ Dancougar
Kosovoe VS Bushdome @ Zwalgfelder Arena
Kosovoe VS Invisible Wabbits @ Zwalgfelder Arena
Kosovoe @ Bears Armed
Kosovoe @ The McLaughin Islands
Kosovoe VS Qazox @ Port Kosovoe-West Leland Area Stadium
Kosovoe @ The Macabees
Kosovoe VS Dancougar @ Port Kosovoe-East Lealand Municipal Park
Kosovoe @ Bushdome
Kosovoe @ Invisible Wabbits
Kosovoe VS Bears Armed @ Zwalgfelder Arena

Dancougar News!!
Chirico Cuvie > YUO (> Kira Yamato)

New coach and new faces for Wings: The Black Wings made a coaching change before World Cup 40 and reached the quarterfinals. Their next change came before World Cup 43 and they finished third. So there's no pressure on new head man Shigeru Takeuchi to produce immediate results... right?

Takeuchi takes over from Solomon Bilbao after three trophyless seasons at Shuukyuu Kishin led to his dismissal at the end of the 2035/36 Apertura. Bilbao's inability to take the world's third-ranked team past the opening stages of the group cup proved inexcusable, and the former University of Lunarossa head coach was returned to the college ranks in favor of Takeuchi, who developed a strong attacking side at Kishin when he commanded Jeruselem forward Jennifer Sloan.

"Players like that make everyone around them better," said Takeuchi, recalling the days when his club was always the D-League title favorite. "It's a real honor to be able to coach the national team, where there's no shortage of such players. I believe they suit my gameplan very well, as we'll be working to turnaround the offensive collapse in the previous tournament."

But Takeuchi will be coaching a team that looks very different from the one that carried Dancougar into the world's top ten. The generation that the Wings leaned on for so long is finally going into the sunset, with most fireign-based players now in their mid-thirties. It will be the first tournament without Yuji Watanabe in goal or Shishio Jinguuji blasting headers from inside the box. They and others - like Kevin Underwood, Shiro Furuya, and even Kazuki Midorikawa - have announced their retirement from international football to focus their remaining time on their club careers. Even Port Royal's Dan Potts will take a seat and will remain frozen at 30 goals, tied for second all-time.

At first glance, there appears to be no real reason to omit players like Potts, who at 33 is still likely to play for between three and five seasons. And it does look weak when fellow D-Leaguers Chris Kusler and Jeremy McAllister will suit up for their clubs and for Newmanistan despite hitting 36 and 37, respectively. But according to the FA, they're forcing a transition out of necessity. By relying on the same core group of players, Dancougar was able to bank on their accumulating experience at the expense of developing fewer players of international-caliber. By introducing more youngsters into the lineup, the nation keeps the talent pool fresh and ensures a less painful transition when its past stars are truly gone.

"We owe a great lot to guys like Watanabe and Potts for growing Dancougar's international profile," said FA official Laszlo Dudek. "But we also have a large pool of players who've showed promise in things like the Oxen Cup but haven't been getting followed up on because we just kept going to the same bunch of players for each tournament. We felt a need to reverse that trend."

The team that the FA helped Takeuchi put together looks to be a compromise of youth and experience, but it will feature a reliance on domestic talent not seen since World Cup 40, when the nation was still using college amateurs. Five of Takeuchi's starting eleven have never played in the World Cup or its qualification rounds, and of the reaminder, only three were starters in the previous tournament. Most worrisome is probably the forward line. With Jinguuji and Potts, the team had experience that amounted to over sixty national team goals. With Augustine Dennin and Stefan Rosberg, that number has dropped to two.

"There are people who are worried that we will not play as well because many of the usual players are gone," said Takeuchi. "But we see this as an opportunity not only to discover new talent but to also prove that Dancougar is capable of sustaining itself at a high level. We don't want to look back on history one day and say that we hit out peak with that first or second generation."

There's a complete turnover on defense, with four new starters in the back. Luke Brengle started a few games during World Cup 44 qualification, but his move to number one marks the end of the Yuji Watanabe era, best known for its penalty shootout heroics. Joseph Cecilia has grown into a much stronger player and figures to improve throughout qualification as he adjusts to the higher standards of league play at Marquez-Onwere. Casey Berber will be coming off the bench this time. There are high hopes for Matt Bogart, who has been growing into the Stoneridge system and will be relied heavily upon once Brad Leeds retires. He's been improving his technique since first appearing in Oxen Cup 9.

The midfield looks most familiar, and that's no surprise. The team has always relied heavily on the midfield to generate offense, so its success is tied deeply to its ability to retain a high quality of play. Lyle Dylandy will return for one more shot at glory, but he will pass the captain's armband to Alexei Voronzoff, who will play an attacking midfield role in this tournament. The new faces, Dan Florentino and Christian Chojnacki, both debuted at Oxen Cup 9 and have since been solid contributors at Chuuoushi and Takano. The clubs have not reached the top third but have performed better than in past seasons as they rebuild young squads through draft picks and the farm system. The reserves in the midfield are also a good mixture of old and new, with Al McNespy managing to further distinguish himself at Kildare.

Up front, all of Dancougar's top international goal-scorers are gone. They'll be replaced by Dennin and Rosberg, which has drawn some ire from critics. Dennin, like Grandborough's Dustin Garbett, has been a solid striker at his club team but hasn't seen that success duplicated at the next level for one reason or another. Dennin sat on the bench during the previous two tournaments, like Shiro Furuya before him, so it's possible that he, too, is waiting to blossom late. Rosberg showed some promise at Di Bradini Cup 8, but ultimately must be treated as a blank slate. Strangely, the forwards on the bench have more national team goals than the starters: Stadler has three from World Cup 44 qualifying and Hiromasa Nagasawa got two at Oxen Cup 9.

Ultimately, the turnover is not expected to figure into the FA's evaluation of the team, as they've made it quite clear that Dancougar must return to the World Cup and improve on their three-draw first round. "The draw is a tough one, and there are a few familiar opponents that we can use to gauge this side's newcomers," said Dudek. "It's a real opportunity."

Group six to disappoint at least one: Dancougar will face not one, not two, but three fellow World Cup 44 finalists in qualifying group six. Joining them will be Qazox, Kosovoe, and Bears Armed, meaning that at least one will be forced to follow up its performance with a Cup of Harmony appearance. It also marks the second time in its history that Dancougar will play a team three times before the finals due to a pre-arranged friendly with Bears Armed that will see the debut of Ye Old Baptifm of Fire Merchandife, an attempt to recreate the charged atmosphere of matches against Newmanistan. Fans have already nicknamed it "Shirt on Stick."

Here's the Dancougar News!! rundown of group six.

Qazox
World Rank: 20
Past Meetings: 2-0-2, 9 GF, 6 GA
Schedule: MD1 home, MD8 away
Notes: Like Dancougar, this is a team in transition. They, though, have turned over the entire roster, bringing in a team of raw recruits under the tutelage of Raul de Olivares, who will continue to play for FC Takano despite seeing an increase in duties as manager for the Phoenix.
Takeuchi Says: "I think they're going to be fine. De Olivares will be able to get the best out of a new lineup. As someone who's still playing the game, he can evaluate their talent as a peer in addition to being the coach, which makes it easier to make a gameplan."
We Say: They were also drawn together in World Cup 44 qualifying and split their matches, with the away team winning each time. Both teams will want to hit the ground running this time around and will produce a cracker of an opener; look for them to split again as they battle for top honors.

Kosovoe
World Rank: 27
Past Meetings: None
Schedule: MD4 home, MD11 away
Notes: Kosovoe were shock qualifiers for World Cup 44 and will look to return with a lively, attacking squad.
Takeuchi Says: "They're not unknowns anymore, but we still can't afford to take them lightly. We may have to consider playing more defensively if they're willing to throw too many forward."
We Say: Of the four World Cup 44 finalists, we see Kosovoe playing the streakiest football of the bunch. Some days they'll score three or four and look like a threat to take the group; other days they'll struggle to even get one and we'll ask ourselves if it's the same team. Dancougar ought to get four points from them, but they could definitely spring an upset.

Bears Armed
World Rank: 38
Past Meetings: 0-1-0, 1 GF, 1 GA
Schedule: MD6 home, MD13 away, PostQual away
Notes: The ursine wunderteam won the Baptism of Fire in Dancougar and then held the Wings to a draw in the World Cup group stage. So the teams were always going to be linked, but three meetings now could turn this into a fierce rivalry.
Takeuchi Says: "I thought they were making it up when they said the team was made of bears. How do you compete with that...? There's game tape from the World Cup? Well, all right, but..."
We Say: The 'Bear-Belles' are actually a very refined team, playing as much to their physical strength as to the mental preconditioning of their opponents. If the Wings can see through it, they should be able to take four points. But we really wonder how the first-timers will cope.

The Macabees
World Rank: 64
Past Meetings: None
Schedule: MD2 away, MD9 home
Notes: There's a tough gap between the top and bottom four in this group, and if the Macabees are going to challenge for the top three, they'll have to get a good result at home to Dancougar to set the tone for their campaign.
Takeuchi Says: "They represent an early road test for us. A lot of our players have played before in the Oxen Cup and the like, but the atmosphere for a senior qualifier is completely different. I will be interested to see how they respond."
We Say: Should be six points, but if the Wings are downed by Qazox in their home opener, they could be in a funk for this one.

Bushdome
World Rank: 85
Past Meetings: None
Schedule: MD3 home, MD10 away
Notes: We're most familiar with them from their World Bowl V qualification run. When it comes to this brand of football, they're of unknown quality, as least to us.
Takeuchi Says: "We can't look at the rank and call these sure wins. Don't forget, Peisandros and Bears Armed qualified from this position in the previous tournament."
We Say: Coach Takeuchi is being respectful. Realistically, this should be six points.

Invisible Wabbits
World Rank: 118
Past Meetings: None
Schedule: MD5 away, MD12 home
Notes: There were rumors that they would pull out if there were too many pending entrants, but the numbers worked out to keep them in. We're not sure what to expect from this bunch.
Takeuchi Says: "First bears, and now this? How can we play a team we cannot see?"
We Say: The wascawy wabbits should provide six points for the Wings, although if they truly are invisible, one wonders how the referees will deal with it and what calls they'll make or miss.

The McLaughlin Islands
World Rank: None
Past Meetings: None
Schedule: MD7 away, MD14 home
Notes: A dependency of West Zirconia, the McLaughlin clan are about to be exposed to the outside world, and we're not sure which will be stronger... the culture shock or their footballing quality.
Takeuchi Says: "Teams like this have nothing to lose and everything to gain on the field. Fortunately, we're the last in the group to play them, so they'll be less unknown when we build our game plan."
We Say: Should be six points. One wonders what we can expect from a country that's been inbreeding for two centuries.

At the end of the day, we believe that Dancougar, Qazox, and Bears Armed will be the teams to return to the World Cup, although the Black Wings will make difficult work of it. They certainly won't win the group with coach Takeuchi slated to appear at events in Baltimore and Charleston during qualification, and it looks to be a longer interruption that the usual monthly excursions that have become the norm for Dancougaran officials. This will be a true test of the team's mettle... and of the strength of Margaret's blessings.

The team will also partake in three friendlies. The usual pre-qualifier with Newmanistan will be held at the National Stadium in Yuki City, as will all home games played by the Black Wings throughout qualifying. The Rockets will hope to send its aging stars out in style, but they're also bringing up some fresh talent. Billy Prescott, son of former enforcer Brett, is one to keep an eye on in the midfield. The Wings will hope to take back the Bird on Skates as well as avenge the American football team's quarterfinal elimination at the hands of the Rockets. After qualifying, the team will travel to Cassadaigua and Bears Armed. Takeuchi will likely use these games to rest his reserves to make final roster selections for the World Cup or Cup of Harmony.

http://img134.imageshack.us/img134/7993/dailyturkjo0.png
Tough Group Handed To Turks
Group 4
Secristan
Valanora
San Castello
Logria
Jasīʼyūn
Koseli Cumhuriyetler
Forn Parts
Jeru FC

Well this group will leave some Turks severely worried about hosting the best team in the world, making qualifying first a distant but yet oh so tempting dream to upset the worlds elite team. Perhaps a draw at home is the best we can hope for on that front. Then comes Jasīʼyūn a concern given the Turks poor away form, but a three points at home is imperative in order for success. Jeru FC are next on the list in order of concern, 4 points to be made here home win and away draw. Logria are an easy 6 points up for grabs, as are Forn Parts and San Castello who we visit on the first match day. One team that stands out is Sercristan who we will possibly be battling every step of the way for qualification 2 points here would leave us in good stead with 28 points out of a possible 42 maybe enough to go through but we can never know until we try.

Qualifying Schedule
MD1 @ San Castello
MD2 Vs Logria
MD3 @ Jasīʼyūn
MD4 @ Jeru FC
MD5 Vs Forn Parts
MD6 @ Sercristan
MD7 vs Valanora
Friendlies
MD8 vs San Castello
MD9 @ Logria
MD10 Vs Jasīʼyūn
MD11 Vs Jeru FC
MD12 @ Forn Parts
MD13 Vs Sercristan
MD14 @ Valanora

New Captain Confident
New captain Serkan Turkmen has said that confidence in the Turkic camp couldn't be higher as they fully expect to cause a few upsets and heartbreaks as the Turks attempt to qualify for the World Cup. The expectation is high no longer is it good enough to 'Keep it respectable' but now wins are expected and coach Hakan Ismir can expect things to turn on him if points are dropped at the first two easy qualifiers almost seen as warm up games in the eyes of some fans. However as we all know upsets do happen and if we hope to cause them, then we must do our utmost to guard against them.

"Crap."

"We aren't greeting when answering the phone anymore, eh?"

"We're not in fourth seed anymore. We've been demoted to fifth seed."

"Ah."

"And have you seen our group?"

"No."

...

"Are you going to send it, hun?"

"Yes dear, but you know I don't like these cellphones. They're a pain in the ass."

Marie waited until the message popped up on screen.


Group 10
Lecland 74
Patetopia 124
Ad’ihan 14
Jeruselem 12
Nethertopia 48
Wing Wang Woo UNR
Blouman Empire 39
Kelssek 30


"But that's doable, honey!"

"It's not... Oh, tell me why I took this job again?"

"Because only managing the Vultures wasn't enough, you said. A mediocre CMSC2 team wasn't enough, you said. Now look, Sjors Opdeheuvel, you are going to pull this off, for me. OK?"

"Yeah, hun. I'm going to tell the guys now."

"You do that. Will you be home for dinner?"

"Yes. Joe, doei!"

"Doei."

Chris Hannan had a thought.

With Sarzonia set to face a group that would be difficult, but was not expected to be as tough as World Cup XLIV's Group 2, he figured using a more attack-minded formation might work to the Stars benefit.

With Rymeria, he was known for a very defence-oriented scheme. He felt it was necessary since the Rhinos were new to international football. A young team facing the unique challenges of space travel between fixtures was not one that would do well with a very attack-minded offence.

Sarzonia was different. Even though both teams went into World Cup XLIV proper without a rank, the Stars went in with a history. Even though winning a World Cup title and other trophies meant nothing in the grand scheme of World Cup XILV itself, the Stars showed themselves to be far more competitive than anyone expected.

Now Taeshan's media outlet was predicting these Stars, just one World Cup campaign removed from a 13-cup absence, would advance to the finals. Hannan took a close look at the group. It was possible, but the Stars would have to leapfrog several teams to do it. Not only that, but they'd have to get the full 12 points against both unranked Noásahi and against Greston. Four out of six points against Quintessence of Dust would be acceptable, and would give the Stars a baseline of 16 points to start with.

As for the other teams in the group, No. 33 Terreiro de Ogum, Yafalonia and Bazor 2 and Sorthern Northland, Sarzonia would have to win at least two of the matches. One draw would work as well. Hannan figured Cafundéu would be losses. However, he was aware that the Stars played world No. 1 and two-time defending World Cup champions Valanora to two draws.

Still, Cafundéu would be a tough nut to crack. At least the Stars wouldn't face them in the final match with a spot in the World Cup finals on the line. Their final match would be away to Terreiro de Ogum. They would finish their derby with Cafundéu with a home match at Bryan Marshall Memorial Stadium in Woodstock. That building would host all the home matches throughout qualifying. The home fixture to Hypocria would be at the new Iron Bowl in Portland, while the post-qualifying friendly against Krytenia would be at a stadium currently under construction: Mike Sarzo Stadium in Nicksia.

However, Hannan's idea had little to do with all of those considerations. He knew the now recovered Zack Wilson, the deadly striker Matt Lynch and super forward Reese Nichols formed a deadly trio. Rather than use the three of them together only when the team was desperate to equalise, why not start them and play them the bulk of the match, at least against teams that Sarzonia could capitalise against?

He drew up his ideas and prepared to present them to manager Brian Wilson when the time came. As for Brian, he was busy making preparations for Incorporated Football Federation chairman Dave Wilson -- Brian's father and Zack's grandfather -- to attend the opening match for the new Iron Bowl.

That match would present Dave Wilson with an opportunity to watch the nation he first managed battle the nation who hired him to manage their team for a few seasons. When things didn't work out for Hypocria the way anyone planned, Dave Wilson marked his return to the Sarzonian sidelines. Now, he'd get a chance to see two teams he'd trained in the long ago days of his relative prime battle it out for a trophy named after his country's founding father.

Let's get on with it, Hannan thought, a thought shared by many involved with the Stars organisation. Let's get on with it.

MD1: Lurikastan v Bazalonia
MD2: Edward City v Lurikastan
MD3: Lurikastan v Mantwenic
MD4: Lurikastan v Kura-Pelland
MD5: Peisandros v Lurikastan
MD6: Lurikastan v Bostopia
MD7: Coulbourne v Lurikastan
MD8: Bazalonia v Lurikastan
MD9: Lurikastan v Edward City
MD10: Mantwenic v Lurikastan
MD11: Kura-Pelland v Lurikastan
MD12: Lurikastan v Peisandros
MD13: Bostopia v Lurikastan
MD14: Lurikastan v Coulbourne

"This was all they gave me!?" shouts Chairman of LUF (Lurikastan Football) Benny Rodgers "no, scouting or anything!" He stands up and stammers around his office while yelling at his Secretary. "It's not like they could've put in rosters or anything. Just this damn schedule. Wha- and what am I to tell Freddy, bout how to prepare the boys, we can only go so far you see." He continues.

"Well, you could consider sending Vlad to get some more info." His Secretary says calmly.

"That guy, he's an oaf, if we weren't frat brothers he'd be outta job" replies the angered man "Just sickens me how bad our prospects are coming out of the BoF how we did, no wins and all. Then we couple it with this and I feel like killing some one."

"Calm down" His Secretary pleads "all this anger wont cause you or the team any good"

"Your right, call up the Stadium guys at the Greens and tell them to set the field up for WCQ's."

"Right, they don't know how to do that it's our first time remember." his secretary informs him

"Lots of national colors, seals, modified pictures of players, pull out all the stops, and after that, call Vlad and get him and the boys over to Bazalonia, and more importantly get them practicing" Benny says s he leaves his office leaving his secretary Melinda to complete her work alone.

Bullets fly, blood spills, buildings crumble.

Welcome to Rennidan.

Try not to get your brains blown out, buddy.

_________


It's become a routine. I wake up in the morning, and I have my first bout of joy. The very fact I've woken up means a stray shell hasn't come through my roof and snuggled up to me on my bed. I live to play another day. All around me I watch the familiar streets burn. The places I grew up, where my oldest memories lay, are now the places with the highest death tolls. My old high school was turned into a shelter for the homeless. Yesterday, a government artillery strike obliterated it.

Malkoa, the manager, is a crazy fucker. We've known this for a while now, but this war business, it seems to have pushed him further over the edge of sanity. We've abandoned our cosy, safe haven off-shore island. We now train in the streets, in the alleys. "Back to basics", he says. We've become the kind of street urchins that used to worship us back in the glory days, playing football in the dusty old roads, using jumpers for goalposts, all whilst bullets whir past overhead and men lose their lives blocks away. I think Malkoa aims to break our souls, to turn football into a thing of our survival. We dodge rifle shots instead of tackles, we fake and shimmy away from a snipers keen eyes instead of those of an awaiting defender. He wants football to become the one thing we can rely on to live.

And I think it's beginning to work.

We eat, drink, sleep and breath football now. The moves, tricks and tactics we use on the pitch are what keep us alive on the streets. Last night, I actually dreamt of the first match against Hypocria. I saw myself weave past Dzeko, nutmeg the talented Khedira, and, finally, come face to face with the fiery Weston. He was running, full pelt, preparing to tackle me in a manner that was more suited for a rugby pitch. But, just as it is in real life, I had my team mates there at my side. Fortal cut his path off and, bam, before I knew it, I had flicked the ball past Baron and I was well on my way to becoming a national hero.

But, when I woke up, I realized...

I may no longer have a nation to be a hero for.

The time: Just after the announcement of the World Cup draw.
The place: Cochrane House, the newly-renamed WZFA headquarters in Moorcroft.

Damon Clarke was looking a little tired that morning. Perhaps he shouldn't have over-indulged at the draw-making ceremony. Perhaps he shouldn't even have gone, given the reputation these events have for all-round over-indulgence. Still, he had managed to drag himself to work after just two hours' sleep, so he had done well.

His secretary, sensing his malaise, whispered her customary cheery greeting, half-expecting him not to notice her anyway. She knew what would be best for him, and immediately set about making him a pot of her famous industrial-strength coffee.

Roy Hazell arrived shortly afterwards, to discuss the implications of the draw. He had received the news by a rather drunken telephone call early that morning, but he wanted to hear the news in more intelligible English this time. The secretary informed Damon of Roy's arrival, before ushering the coach into the chairman's office.

"All reet, yer daft sozzled bugger!"

"Not so loud, Roy - I'm still feeling a bit - delicate."

"Well never mind - at least you're still alive. Now - about this draw. Who've we got again?"

"You mean you don't know already?"

"Course I don't, yer daft thing. Why do you think I refused to talk to the press?"

Damon conceded defeat. "Of course. Well, here's who we've got... Liventia."

"Don't know anything about them."

"Probably for the best. Hypocria,"

"Nor them. Apparently they're rubbish, so that'll be OK."

"Don't count your chickens, Roy. Now where were we...West Newmanistan,"

"OK. I wonder if they're a bunch of inbreds like our dependency is."

"Could be - I'm not too sure. Check them out and see if they've all got the same surname - that's a sure sign."

"Will do. Right, who's next?"

"Lovisa."

"Bugger!"

"What's up?"

"They're better than us - that's what's up."

"Well, we have to play better teams, you know. Wait till you see the rest of the draw. Myedvedeya,"

"Well, we can turn the heating up for them - that'll put them off."

"If you insist, Roy. Who's next...Yafor 2,"

"Bugger!"

"Don't tell me - they're better than us as well?"

"Got it in one."

Damon was at this point beginning to lose patience with Roy, but kept his cool - just. "And finally, Rennidan."

"Oh, bu-"

"I know! The only way we can avoid better teams is to become a higher seed - and we all know how to do that, don't we?"

"By winning more games, but how can we do that while they keep drawing us against better teams?"

"But how can they not draw us against better teams if we don't climb up the ranking and therefore improve our seedings?"

The conversation carried on in this vein for several minutes, until they were interrupted by a loud cry of anguish from the office of deputy chairman Joel Francis. Both men rushed to the office to find Joel slumped over his desk, crying openly, and clutching a copy of the draw.

"Joel - what's the matter?" Roy tried to sound sympathetic, but with little success.

Joel spluttered, "The draw - the draw!"

"What about it?"

"We're not going to Valanora this time."

Roy and Damon looked at each other and understood. They also became acutely aware that once Joel had recovered from his heartbreak, the women of several countries would not be safe from his charms. Or at least that's what Joel called it.

Jeruselem coach Ryan Greenly with team captain Princess Marie-Antoinette Dallas and Jeruselem FA President Dazza Dallas as well as assistant coach Scarlet "Scooter" Ferris and her daughter Oksana "Pups" Ferris.

Ryan: Group 10 ...
Marie: Lecland?
Dazza: I think they are around but don't win a lot.
Scooter: Yeah, don't think they've ever qualified.

Ryan: Patetopia ...wa?
Marie: Who's this Patetopia Mum?
Dazza: No idea, never heard of them.
Scooter: Don't look at me, I don't know either.

Ryan: Ad'ihan ... then again.
Marie: What's with the apostrophe?
Dazza: At least they aren't the Han.
Scooter: Better Ad'ihan than the Han, yep.

Ryan: Jeruselem ... that'll be us.
Marie: I though you were to going to say Qazox there!
Dazza: Once a Qazian, always a Qazian!
Scooter: I dunno Dazza, you're a Qazian. You spent a lot of time there.

Ryan: Moving right along, Nethertopia.
Marie: Ah, not Newmanistan.
Pups: Pity! I heard they are pretty good.
Dazza: They try hard but don't have luck.

Ryan: Wing Wang Woo! Err, what a stupid name.
Pups: Wong Wap Wiggie?
Scooter: Stop confusing people Pups.
Marie: Still it's a stupid name.

Ryan: Blouman Empire ... err, I've heard of them.
Marie: Nice people, I think they qualified once.
Dazza: I'll growing old, I can't remember.
Pups: I've heard they are really nice to Dallas girls.

Ryan: Kelssek
Marie: Oh, them again.
Dazza: Back again I see.
Scooter: They just can't stay away.

Ryan: Right, it's going to be Jeruselem, the non-Han and Kelssek.
Marie: I think Jeruselem, the non-Han and Nethertopia.
Scooter: I'm with Marie there.
Dazza: I think Kelssek might pip out Nethertopia.

Ryan: Where's my home team.
Marie: Group sex.
Ryan: I don't get it.
Dazza: She's speaking New Zealand, group six.

Ryan: Oh right, you lot are sex-obsessed. Anyway ... let's have a lookee then

Group 6
The Macabees
Dancougar
Kosovoe
Invisible Wabbits
Bears Armed
The McLaughlin Islands
Qazox
Bushdome

Marie: Dancougar again?
Pups: And them bears.
Scooter: And those other Jewbees.
Ryan: Looks like an easy group for the Ox ... Pheonix.

Pups: Invisible Wabbits?
Dazza: Nice name
Ryan: Says the mother of the Dallas Wabbits.
Marie: You want more bunnies then?

Ryan: Err, not for now my wabbit.
Pups: Where are your bunnies?
Marie: Oh, with Ryan's parents. They are loving it here with the grandkids.
Dazza: When's the wedding! You have to the right thing kids.

Ryan: Later ...
Marie: He's just non-committal.
Dazza: I want a big wedding. None of this private stuff. She is a Princess.
Ryan: As I said ... later.

Someone up there clearly has a sense of humour.

The Krytenians have been drawn as third seeds into Group Seven of qualifying for this, the forty-fifth World Cup.

Nothing unusual in that, I hear you cry. Well, you only have to look at the group's first seeds to discover why I've made that statement.

Starblaydia.

Yes, once again, the Men In Mauve will be standing in between the Aces and glory; and, thanks to the Sarzo Memorial Trophy, the sides will meet three times between now and the end of qualifying. There's also the potential "joy" of their meeting on Matchday Fourteen being a make-or-break tie for qualifying.

In Jhanna.

F***-a-doodle doo.

Elsewhere in the group, it's a bunch of cavemen as The Holy Empire bring their own brand of Frostican insanity to proceedings, led by their own Man In Mauve, Simeone Di Bradini (he's the man in the suit with his head in his hands). There's also a quick return for Allemenschen and Garlano after their Baptism of Fire exploits, and rounding off the group are Dariusville, Green Wombat, and Legendar. This, plus nine arranged friendlies, means a record 23 matches for the Aces before we even begin to think about the finals. First, though, it's a home friendly against newcomers Logria. Expect a hammering.

FULL SCHEDULE
FR1: H v LOG (Harbour Stadium, Stanton)
MS1: A v STB (Stadii di Bradini, Jhanna)
FR2: H v QAZ (New City Stadium, Avidia)
MD1: A v DAR
MD2: H v GAR (Draconium Arena, Caversham)
MD3: A v AIF (A big cave, somewhere in the Holy Empire)
MD4: A v LEG
MD5: H v ALL (Bell Moor, Hastings)
MD6: A v GWO
MD7: H v STB (Isserson Stadium, Emberton)
MS2: A v HYP (Hyppodrome, Hypocrium)
FR3: A v UCS (Sokojito Überdome, Sokojito (TBC))
FR4: H v WZR (ArenaWest, Aigburth)
MD8: H v DAR (Southern Arena, Ousevale)
MD9: A v GAR
MD10: H v AIF (Isserson Stadium, Emberton)
MD11: H v LEG (Wanderers Park, Ellisham)
MD12: A v ALL
MD13: H v GWO (Munitis Stadium, Norton)
MD14: A v STB (Stadii di Bradini, Jhanna)
MS3: A v SRZ (Mike Sarzo Stadium, Nicksia)
FR5: A v DEM
FR6: H v PEI (Walton Gardens, Simpson)

Purple Knights Win One And Then Lose One

The Knights started there eight World Cup Qualifying campaign and are in there 15th overall tournament in there long history. The Knights started it off in Jeruselem playing the Princesses to a 3-1 loss, and then were home in a big match against friendly foe Myedvedeyan. The Knights were practically to top form in there first matches of the year after a long and treacherous offseason.

In the first game the Knights took on one of there biggest footballing rivals in the likes of the Princesses of Jeruselem. The Knights who would of course not win the game started of the season with a nicely played loss. The Knights did not try to overexert themselves as they are k now a highly toted team going into there 8th qualifying campaign and finally had decided it was time to play a more reservant friendly opnener. The Knights scorer on the day was A. F. Falcon who stunned the Jeruselem goalie in the late minutes ending his clean sheet, with a header of the top bar.

In there second frinedly game the Knights took on the Bears of Myedvedeyan. The Knights played a less conservative game against the less experienced and it showed as they easily took the game with a 2 to nil victory. The two goalscorers were Brian Ying Uing in the 19th minute and a Jacin Reallis caroom later in the 78th minute. The Knights had a better game on defense and they easily outplayed th younger team. The Knights will look to continue there sucess into the future as they head into a tough, and treacherous qualifying campaign.

Pre-qualifying friendly results (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14563507&postcount=2) are now available.

Seeing an octogenarian prowl the sidelines is not something Sarzonians are used to. By all rights, they normally wouldn't see such a thing. However, officials made an exception this time.

Incorporated Football Federation chairman Dave Wilson, also the former national team manager for both Sarzonia's and Hypocria's national team sides, was given the opportunity to patrol the field at the new Iron Bowl in Portland moments before the first match of the Mike Sarzo Memorial Trophy matchup between Sarzonia and Hypocria.

If Wilson felt any sense of mixed emotions because of his status as former manager of both sides, he didn't let on. Woodstock Daily Mail reporter Travis West noted a twinkle in the old man's eye as he strolled the sidelines slowly, as if he were taking in the atmosphere of the sparkling new stadium.

"Nice place here," Wilson said. He'd coached many a match at the the previous Iron Bowl in Portland. Even though the old building had a larger capacity, it was dingy, dirty, a reminder of all that was once wrong with Sarzonia during its extended economic malaise.

Now, the new building glittered in the bright sunlight of a surprisingly warm Portland winter morning as the daytime high reached 14 degrees Celcius. The glass shined as it provided a look at the backdrop of office buildings near the city's financial district. Navy-clad Sarzonian supporters took to their seats, drowning out the red backs that made up part of the Portland Timbers colour scheme. They were soon in full throat as Sarzonia made quick work of the Hyppos. It was the first time Sarzonia had won a match in the tournament named after its founding father.

From his perch in the executive suite, Wilson watched as his grandson Zack scored the first goal just nine minutes on with a rocket of a right-booted shot that caught the Hyppos goalkeeper unaware. As Zack and the rest of the Stars celebrated the goal, the right side of Dave Wilson's mouth turned upward in a slight half-smile. He was well aware that Hypocria were now beginning the journey the Stars had started just the cup prior.

Eleven minutes later, forward Matt Lynch, fresh off his first appearances in Cafundéu's national league, chipped a ball that caught the goalkeeper out too far. As the ball trickled into the goal to make it 2:0 Sarzonia, Dave Wilson's eyebrows arched slightly as a grin creased his age-worn countenance.

At the 27 minute mark, it was Reese Nichols, who was the beneficiary of extra attention paid to a Lynch run for 3:0 with an off-boot dribbler that would have caused many managers to berate their goalkeeper. The video screen showed Hypocria's manager with a sympathetic look on his face as he began to applaud in an effort to show encouragement.

With two of the four minutes expired in first half stoppage time, however, Sarzonia put a quick end to any thoughts of sympathy with an expertly-placed goal by Zack Wilson under the diving try of the goalkeeper.

In the second half, the Stars turned to their defence as their offence played beyond expectations. Sarzonia finished the match with a decided 59 minute to 31 minute time of possession advantage. They fired 21 shots, including 11 on goal to Hypocria's seven and one. Goalkeeper Cody Taylor was not troubled the whole match and finished with an easy clean sheet.

As he exited the lift and prepared to leave the stadium for the last time that day, Dave Wilson finally let out a wide smile. He enjoyed watching the Stars take the Hyppos apart. Now he finally could show his joy. But even with the victory, he chose to highlight the positives. He pointed out that Sarzonia's first fixture after its lengthy World Cup absence resulted in being on the wrong end of a 4-0 scoreline. He granted that Sarzonia's loss was to the world's No. 6 team while Hypocria faced a team fancied only 56th in the world. However, he chose to cite that oft-quoted expression that a journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.

It was just one step in a long road. But for both Sarzonia and Hypocria, their returns to a footballing future began with an eye toward both the present and the past.

Saint Nash Courier
If you haven't heard it before, It's News to you!
SPORTS

Friendly Match at Krytenia @ New City Stadium, Avidia.

Both teams came in off of World Cup appearances and Qazox, who plays few friendlies, came in and came away with a 2-2 draw, at a good Aces team.

The first few minutes were spent in a feel-out mode as niether team pressed forward any sustained attack. In the 17th minute, Darren Scotland got behind Gene Sharman and lsent home a blistering shot that fooled Marc Klick and made it 1-0 Krytenia. It wasn't until late in the first half that Qazox got behind the Aces defense to put a scoring attck through. Ivy Habib sent a through-and-through to Matilda Swords, who then crossed it back over to Reginald Gillispie. The Aces defender, Robert Zelic slipped and that gave Gillispie enough room to send a shot past Juan Garcia to tie it at 1-1 in the 42nd minute.

The second half more of the same as both defenses held off many attcks. Krytenia took the lead once again, thanks to a penalty kick due to a Gene Sharman tackle of Darren Scotland in the penalty area. Uriel Kennedy made it 2-1 on the ensuing PK with 27 minutes left. Raul de Olivares decided to sub in some more offense and traded Brent Folks for Audra Edelstein. The switch would pay dividends in the 74th minute as Audra Edelstein headed home a rebound of a Angel Kenworthy shot and it was tied up at 2-2.

Krytenia sent one last effort at Marc Klick in the 86th minute, but the rookie blocked all three shots he saw and just a few minute later, the final whistle blew and the game ended 2-2.

While a friendly means little overall in the World Cup Qualifying, this one was a good test for this young team and with the qualifying opener next week at Dancougar, this team showed that they aren't afraid of rowdy foreign crowds.

Speaking of the Qualifiers, here are the offical Saint Nash Courier qualifying predictions, in no particular finishing order:

Group 1:
Yafor 2
Liventia
West Zirconia

Group 2:
The Han Empire
Candelaria And Marquez
Taeshan

Group 3:
Milchama
Septentrionia
Arroza

Group 4:
Valanora
Secristan
Jasīʼyūn

Group 5:
The Archregimancy
Vephrall
Newmanistan

Group 6:
Dancougar
QAZOX
The Macabees

Group 7:
Starblaydia
The Holy Empire
Krytenia

Group 8:
Sarzonia
Cafundéu
Sorthern Northland

Group 9:
Peisandros
Bostopia
Bazalonia

Group 10
Ad’ihan
Jeruselem
Nethertopia

Hellispont Times-Herald
World Cup 45 Qualifying Draw

The failure of the Wombats to qualify for the World Cup recently has dropped their rank a bit, but until now they've still been one of the top three 'seeds' in their qualifying group.

This group however, looks to be the wombats greatest challenge in over 30 years.

GROUP SEVEN

Green Wombat (37): This is us of course. 3x World Cup qualifiers. Varied history in the WC.

Starblaydia (2): The Champs are here, in our group. 4x Champions of the World Cup and one of the favorites to win it all again. Quite possibly the most famous international team.
Home: MD2
Away: MD9
Formation to be used: (5-3-2)

Dariusville (61): One of those teams that never can seem to get a good qualifying run together to actually qualify for the Cup. Entire roster consists of puppets.
Home: MD10
Away: MD3
Formation to be used: (3-4-3)

Garlano (114): No Information available. Probably one of those teams that won a regional qualifer and will be long forgotten by the end of qualifiers. Did compete in most recent BoF.
Home: MD4
Away: MD11
Formation to be used: (3-4-3)

The Holy Empire (19): One of the oldest and most respected international teams. Away game to be held in the Dreamed Realm, a place where quite literally anything can and probably will happen, especially with cavemen involved.
Home: MD12
Away: MD5
Formation to be used: (5-3-2)

Krytenia (26): 3x third place finisher at the World Cup. One of the more well known teams in international play, the Aces will be one of the favorites to qualify for the Cup.
Home: MD6
Away: MD13
Formation to be used: (5-3-2)

Allemenschen (86): Anthropomorphic non-self-aware androids make up the BoF 32 runners-up. Since all robots/androids were just recently made illegal in Green wombat, the home leg of this match-up will be played in Qazox at Lee Stadium in Lake Porter City, Qazox; (Capacity: 48,750).
Home: MD14
Away: MD7
Formation to be used: (3-4-3)

Legendar (UNR): Even less is known about this team than what is known about Garlano. Good news, we open qualifying against them next week. Bad news, we don't even know if they'll show up
Home: MD1
Away: MD8
Formation to be used: (3-4-3)

Hellispont Times-Herald Prediction for the Wombats:
6 Wins (vs. Legendar, vs. Garlano, vs. Dariusville, vs. Allenmenschen, @ Legendar, @ Garlano)
3 Draws: (vs. Krytenia, @ Dariusville, @ Allenmenschen)
5 losses: (vs. Starblaydia, vs. The Holy Empire, @ Krytenia, @ Starblaydia, @ The Holy Empire)
24 points, 4th in group.

QFA Headquarters, Qazox City, Qazox:

Marc Statham: So what about the lawsuit?

QFA Lawyer: It's an airtight case. According to the rules the NSWC lawyer produced, we technically violated the rules and as such should have been punished for it.

Marc Statham: But what about a statute of limitations? I mean it's been over 70 years since then. Hell most every one who competed in that BoF is dead by now, probably, right?

QFA Lawyer: That only applies to criminal cases. And while the players mihgt have been deceased, the national Football Associations have not.

Marc Statham: So of those teams, which FA's are still active?

QFA Lawyer: If you asked me about 6 months ago, it would be Tynelia, ourselves and Green wombat. But the TFA has recently ceased operations.

Marc Statham: So odds are it was the GWFA that filed the lawsuit?

QFA Lawyer: Probably, but it could be anyone. Which FA would have benifitted the most from Qazox's records being expunged?

Marc Statham: Green wombat's, Prux's or Taeshan's, just off the top of my head.

QFA Lawyer: Well unless the NSWCC either intervenes or the claimant comes publicly forward, there's little we can do about it, other than fight it.

Marc Statham: Is there anything the World Cup rules about our situation?

QFA Lawyer: Other than the ones mentioned by the NSWC lawyers, not much, but we do have an idea or two for the trial.

Marc Statham: Trial? No way to settle this out-of-court?

QFA Lawyer: No. Unless you have someone who was active in the application process from 1898 who can shed some light on this subject, there's little we can do.

Marc Statham: Alright. I got some phone calls to make, and keep me informed of anything you think will help our case.

<QFA Lawyer leaves>

Statham leaned back in his chair and let out a huge breath of air. After flipping through his rolodex, he found a number that might help him out.

OOC point: Any Qazox RP DIRECTLY involving Statham takes place in Qazoxian year 1952, while the Cup RP's themselves are in 1954...

THE ROCKET REPORT

STRONG START; BIRD DEFENDED

Putnam Lake, Newmanistan- If the pre-qualifying friendly period is any indication of how the Rockets will fare when the games actually matter, then the sixth time will be the charm. In a tough two games, the Rockets once again successfully defended the Golden Ambiguous Bird on Skates Trophy with a 3-3 draw against Dancougar. Challenge rules state that in the event of a draw, the away team gets the trophy. So the bird will remain in Newmanistan once again. That win was enough to create some excitement, but the result that followed it up was also quite impressive as the Rockets record a 3-1 win over The Han Empire, also known as Daehanjeiguk. That friendly, which was held here in Putnam Lake was scheduled to kick off the team’s playing under the Samseong umbrella. It is through the sponsorship of the Han Empire-based giant that the Rockets are even still fielding a team after Empress Jessica had announced she was removing funding for the team.

The Golden Ambiguous Bird on Skates is a tradition that began back in World Cup 41 qualifying between Newmanistan and Dancougar. The trophy, which is just as its name applies is awarded to the winner of the friendly between the two. It is possibly, the longest tenured and active friendly going today, and despite the Black Wings being ranked much higher every time they play, it is Newmanistan that has had the edge in the series. In fact, of the last six meetings between the countries, Newmanistan has only lost once, and the Bird has found a nice home in Tundra Falls in its beautiful sky blue and white colors. Stefan Rosberg got the Black Wings on the board first in the 12th minute, as the club teammate to be of Jeremy McAllister gave J-Mac a show of what he will be working with next season with a blast to the left of Chris Kusler. Sporting Lakeport 1, Port Royal 0. Not to long after, Dancougar fired a second one past Kusler as Lyle Dylandy made Kyle Carrigan and Scott LaFave look pretty silly with some shifty moves. (He’s not old, he’s at the tail end of his prime, geez, people!) Dylandy maybe could have shot, but he noticed that Augustine Dennin was in an ideal spot and delivered a perfect pass and Dennin did the rest. Nineteen minutes in, things weren’t looking too good. The Rockets were able to eventually settle in and play smarter football, which had lacked early on. Things remained 2-0 until the 34th minute when J-Mac set up Brett Carlson, who beat Luke Brengle thanks to a nice shot fake to close to within a goal at halftime. The start of the second saw the sides playing hard, with a lot of contact, but that is to be expected. The Qazoxian referee did a good job of just letting the teams play, because while it got physical, it was all within the rules. It took Billy Prescott a little while to start delivering tackles like his dad, but a 53rd minute takedown of Dylandy really seemed to get him fired up. It was then that he probably realized that this guy was old enough to be taken down my father as well! At exactly the hour mark, Prescott assisted in a game tying goal with a nice cross into the box after getting around tight coverage from Doug Edrington. The cross went to J-Mac, and he might be 37, but he can still score on a header as Luke Brengle found out. Eight minutes later, Newmanistan would take their first lead of the game on McAllister second of the night, on a pretty display of individual skill to again show that the old man has still got it. Dancougar however, would not go away quietly and we would never expect anything less from them. Dylandy and Dan Florentino worked their way upfield with nice pass work between them and Florentino would deliver the equalizer in the 79th minute. Neither team was satisfied with the draw and played hard for the win, but the hard work by both sides essentially just led to a bunch of midfield play before the referee’s final whistle blew. The game ends in a draw, and the Bird on Skates remains property of Newmanistan.

The second friendly was the debut of this national team on home turf at Putnam Lake. The Rockets have never lost a football match at Putnam Lake Stadium, though part of that has been because Putnam Lake’s game has traditionally been against a bottom-ranked team in the group. So with The Han Empire in town, they were clearly the best team to play in Putnam Lake. With Samseong’s Newmanistan division headquartered in Putnam Lake, this was the chosen stadium to “kick off the sponsorship.” While the teams have plenty of Di Bradini history with one another, there had not yet been a meeting between the senior sides. The game also had to have plenty of feel good appeal for Jeremy McAllister, as he always referred to this as his house. Banners were plentiful across the stadium welcoming back J-Mac, as well as Chris Kusler, to the place where they had plenty of success in the NPL before leaving the country. The Rockets controlled the early portions of the match as they really seemed to respond to this home crowd feel, and in just the 6th minute of the match, Jeremy McAllister got the crowd going crazy as he nicely set up the first goal of the match by Jennifer Vilardi. Fifteen minutes later, McAllister would get his name on the scoresheet with a goal, his third in two games and it would be the Rockets quickly ahead of the Han 2-nil. That score would hold up through halftime and as the second half wore on, Daehanjeiguk began to show why they are the 6th ranked team in the world, and if were not for great goalkeeping by Chris Kusler, they would have gotten more then just their 64th minute goal. Jeong Jihun found the back of the net as the young striker looks to emerge from the shadows of one of the Han’s greats, Kim Daeeui, who will be retiring from international competition after this World Cup. Daeeui did get substituted into the game in the 73rd minute as the team looked for late heroics, but the last goal of the match would not be by the Han, but by the Rockets. With the Han pressing late in the game, a long ball by Scott LaFave found Alex Parnett upfield with tons of running room. Parnett made the most of it, and scored in the 83rd minute to put this game away. It concludes what was a very impressive win for the Rockets over a great team, and hopefully an omen of what may come during qualifying.

Speaking of qualifying, that begins shortly. The Rockets will open in Panuul.

Solid victory against BoF rival in first outing

Peisandros has collected a good 2-1 victory against Bears Armed in their only pre-qualifying friendly. Peisandros extended their winning record over Bears Armed to 3-1, only losing the Baptism of Fire final. Here is a fans take on the game and how the Sandrians are looking for the Cup.

"They looked pretty good I guess. It wasn't overly dominating, but the bears are a good team so that's no surprise really. I was pretty impressed with the defence. Last cup that was our bigest strong point, but I was worried that they would miss the older experience we had back then. But Roubanis, Sisinis and Theodore all played big parts in the first campaign, so they know what they're doing and I reckon those three will have to play consistently well if we're to qualify again. Also with Bion and Erasmus on the bench, there is more strength there, so hopefully we'll be able to keep goals against down. Although George Christakis-Zografos and Maximos didn't get any game time today, at the Cup of Harmony they looked lively and exciting. They should get some time on the pitch.

George's goal was a good team goal. I liked the way the midfielders weren't afraid to push forward when we got possession, which was something missing from early last World Cup. Nikolaidis I think has learned a lot in the last two years. He was a player with immense talent, but I think he is a much smarter footballer and we saw a bit of that today. He read the game well and it was his awareness which set off the counter attack leading to George's goal. He was able to break from his first defender then the ball was just played quickly forward until a great through ball from Costa set George up. It was a pretty goal to watch. After that first goal in the what, the thirtieth odd minute, I was afraid the boys would just pull back like they've been known to do. But it didn't happen and that was really impressive.

At half time, I was expecting lots of changes to, you know, give the other boys a run around. When it didn't happen I was a bit surprised, but I guess Calisto knows what he's doing. He obviously did because that second goal came pretty early in the second. It was just a moment of Theotokis twin brilliance. That one-two to Costa was great, then the finish was fantastic. Whipping it in past Charra o Barrdenn, who had no chance to stop the shot. The bears defence really stepped up after the second goal and they played bloody well. It seemed like the attacking side of things got much better too. With 25 to go, I started to worry a bit and for good reason. They kept pressing and pressing and finally broke through to score a good goal.

At 2-1, I was a bit concerned that we could give up the lead. But those defence boys stepped right back up and matched the bears for those last 20 minutes and held on. Was pretty proud actually. It was exciting to see the boys overcome our rivals and start their qualification on the right track. I'm really forwarding to coming back here to see Bostopia play. It's going to be great to see a top 5 team coming to our shores and I'm interested to see where we stack up. I'm not that confident we can win it, but we'll put up a fight that's for sure."

That was one fans take on the game and the chances for the qualifying period. Join us for more coverage over the coming weeks.

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CostaT@peiblogs.co.pi

As I walked out of the changing room, I was feeling pretty good. It's always nice to score a goal, especially if it ends up being the winner. Looking around at the boys they were pretty stoked too, albeit quiet. We know this is just the beginning of hopefully a long, long journey. Last year we went in to the qualifying expecting not much and didn't even have a warm up friendly. All we had to go off was our Baptism of Fire campaign which hardly tested us. This time around we were more prepared, even if the opponent was the same. It's always weird running out to play against the bears. They are extremely intimating and it always takes time to adjust. But this was our fourth meeting with them and that shock value diminishes each time. It's great to beat them too. I think those who played in the Baptism final are still a little pissed off we lost when we were so dominant throughout the whole tournament.

I stopped to sign a few autographs before getting on the team bus. A few of my cousins were there too, so I chatted to them for a few minutes. Everyone is getting behind us now and we're always inundated with txts and emails after games. I love reading txts from family and friends who have watched it and appreciate how hard we're working.

When we're playing at home, it's always weird getting on the bus and driving through familiar scenes, but never going home. We always stay at the Continental when we have home games. They are one of our main sponsors and we're pretty lucky to have them cover some of our expenses. I wouldn't mind a little home cooking though and that's something I do miss when we stay at the hotel. But it's great for the boys to be together and to spend time with eachother. Sometimes I'll be roomed with one of my brothers, but they tend to keep us apart for most of the time because we spend so much time together when we're out and about. A guy I enjoy spending lots of time with, is Narcissus Theodore. We're the same age and both come from Olympia. He's always up for a laugh and together we've become known as the pranksters of the team.

Anyway, I should probably get some sleep. Tonight Narcissus is pretty tired out from the game and fair enough too -- he put in a huge effort and played really well. Me thrashing away on the keyboard is probably annoying him quite a bit! I'll check back in after we've gotten qualifying underway. Ka kite!


Full Schedule.
Pre Friendlies
vs Bears Armed @ National Sports Arena, Olympia. 2-1.
Qualifying Stage One.
vs Bostopia @ National Sports Arena, Olympia.
at Colbourne.
vs Bazalonia @ Peisandros Bowl, Delphi.
at Edward City.
vs Lurikastan @ People of Ephesum Stadium, Ephesum.
at Kura-Pelland.
vs Mantwenic @ National Sports Arena, Olympia.
Mid Friendlies
vs Jeruselem @ National Sports Arena, Olympia.
at Ad'ihan.
Qualifying Stage Two.
at Bostopia
vs Colbourne @ Peisandros Bowl, Delphi.
at Bazalonia.
vs Edward City @ People of Ephesum Stadium, Ephesum.
at Lurikastan.
vs Kura-Pelland @ National Sports Arena, Olympia.
at Mantwenic
Post Friendlies
vs Myedvedeya (Unsure where).
at Krytenia.
at Taeshan.

FAILURE TO SCORE IF ANYONE NOTICED

It’s a good thing that not many Secristanis were watching the recent friendly played between the Millionaires and Arroza on the road. The nations meeting in a soccer friendly has become rather traditional. With tradition on their side, and the fact that it was Arroza that eliminated Secristan in football during the World Bowl, there would seem to be the making of a match that would excite the Secristani population. Not this time. With the baseball team in the finals of the World Baseball Classic against bitter rival Newmanistan, only the most diehard soccer fan probably realized that this friendly was taking place. The diehards don’t need goal scoring. They understand that soccer can be a truly exciting game without goals, so they probably will just turn the other cheek and shrug their shoulders at the 2-0 defeat to Arroza at Casino Royale in Huracan. There were a few Secristanis that made the trip and they spoke very highly of their surroundings, impressed because they hadn’t seen many nice upscale places like this in Arroza before. One businessman we spoke to who wished to remain anonymous told us that, “The beaches were amazing, full of beautiful Arrozan women. I only came here for a couple days but I am going to come here in a couple months on a weeks’ vacation.” The players were also impressed and one player admits that maybe they spent too much time on the beach. That player also wishes to remain anonymous. “It was a party, really. This place is sweet, we were all living it up. Then this morning I was like shit we got a game today. That may have been why we sucked on the field,” said the anonymous midfielder who plays somewhere in Rushmore. Arroza won the game with their two goals, scored by Martin Lancaster in the first half and Amber Pena in the second half. One player insists he met Amber on the beach the day prior, but that is just speculation.

The Secristan Department of Sports was not expecting much to come out of this game. We attempted to get comments from our usual source, Katie Simpson, but she was a little too intoxicated at the time, probably from watching the baseball and hoping that we would win the title last night. Qualifying does get underway and it will begin without a WBC conflict, so that will be good. The opening two games of qualifying figure to be very exciting matches, at home against Jeru FC and then against Valanora. Maybe we can steal a point against Jeru FC before we have the privilege of having Valanora on our home turf.

UG-UG'S DIARY

An Imperial Neolithic Odyssey

Ug-Ug and team played against bears last night.

They not he-bears but she-bears!

She-bears like to kick rocks!

She-bears can play rock ball!

Ug-Ug smile when he find out she-bears like to kick rocks.

Ug-Ug tell coach one and coach two team wants to find out if bears taste good.

Team made fire pit to cook bears.

Coach one and coach two say is wrong to kill, cook and eat bears.

Why?

If bears taste good, why not eat she-bears?

Coach one says she-bears are guests in our land.

Coach two says they are sen... sent... she-bears can think like Ug-Ug, and is wrong to kill things that think.

Do not all things 'think'?

Does not wild hare 'think' at least a bit, if not as much as Ug-Ug (Ug-Ug like taste of wild hare)?

Ug-Ug think to think is not main thing here; how much thing thinks is main thing.

Coach one says Ug-Ug think too much.

Ug-Ug think coach one might be right.

Team said we will not kill and cook and eat bears then.

Team put spears down.

Team looked sad.

But then team play she-bears at rock ball!

She-bears are good rock ball team!

They can kick rock long way!

They are fit and strong!

They not move like bears Ug-Ug eat, but move more like man or girl.

They can run fast too – for a bear.

Ug-Ug and team not score against she-bears.

She-bears have good bear in goal!

But as she-bears not score rock goals of their own, Ug-Ug and team not feel too much shame.

Game with she-bears was good game.

Ug-Ug feel strong now!

Ug-Ug and team can beat team from all lands now!

Yes, teams from coach two's home and Kry place with long name too.

Or so Ug-Ug hopes.

Turkspor
Meet The Team
For those of you who have been living under a rock for a while, it's about time you got to know our national football teams starting XI:

1. Orhan Kose, Bio: Possibly the only half decent goalie on the team. His reactions are second to none though his execution is crude it is effective on occasion. He is generally solid if a little accident prone, though experience has allowed him to phase this out of his game allowing him to remain number one for this campaign though there is better quality on the bench in the form of Ayhan, Orhan's determination and better mind set has put him at the front of the queue.

2. Bekir Ceyhun, Bio: An insanely good center back on his day, almost god-like in defense. His height make him rare in the Turks squad as the tallest player on the team (Excluding fellow center back Arif.) His lack of strength and ability to force the issue has put the team under pressure but as he begins to peak in his career the best is yet to come.

3. Arif Korkmaz, Bio: Has immense strength and is feared because of the incredibly high chance of an injury. Known as Ayibogan (Bear Strangler) because of his sheer power. His strength is from set plays, though he doesn't score much he can head a far post ball back into the six yard box.

4. Isan Almanoglu, Bio: Average is the only word here, he isn't a bad full back but he isn't an inspiration to many. He gets the basics right and is very solid and consistent. A weakness is a lack of attacking flair but he can place a cross on his day.

5. Ozil Sercan, Bio: Attacking full back, very very fast. He can also double up as a left winger if needs be. Great dribbler of the ball, solid in the tackle and has a great cross to add in. A threat on set plays because of his lack of height he is hard to track.

6. Erdem Lutfu, Bio: Some question why he is in the team, but those people clearly don't watch the games. His work rate alone puts him ahead of the other center midfielders that and his technical quality in terms of finding a pass make him a fantastic attacking play maker. He has formed a fruitful partnership with Murat Saglam, who is more defensive in play than him but if it works who's complaining.

7. Murat Saglam, Bio: Top class defensive midfielder, almost unnoticed by the media due to his easily forgettable simple play as opposed to the flamboyance of Erdem. Though many will not admit it, he is a key player in the squad making almost every interception for the team.

8. Gurhan Uzay, Bio: A strong and lethargic winger, uncommon by many standards but this can surpirse many as his strength has taken him past many great full backs who fail to cope with his tenacious and aggressive playing style while not an 'Ayibogan' he is certainly worthy of the nickname 'Guclu' or Full of Strength.

9. Serkan Turkmen, Bio: Some say he is too old to be in the squad, but these people are clearly youth manics who say experience is nothing. Well Serkan still has his classic pace and ability to go past a man. Add in he is our new inspirational captain (though only for one campaign) he is still a great player.

10. Gokhan Asik, Bio: The best sub in the history of the team, all he did was come on and score simple eh? well now he's starting and as everyone knows what he can do know people better watch him cause he is a miracle worker on his day and can score from almost anywhere. Sinan Kose much?

11. Oktay Uzum, Bio: The target man, it's all about how Gokhan plays off him and if it works it'll work really well and if it doesn't then the midfield can join in the attacking fun. Too poor at finishing to be called a striker but has other qualities that more than make up for it.

Waywide looking to end on a high

Lee Waywide is a player that every football fan in Sorthern Northland will have heard of. By the end of World Cup 45 he'll have been a fixture in the Sorthern national team for fourteen years, over nearly a decade and a half he had played in countless games and scored countless goals for his country. Waywide has been a part of the team for so long that he is practically wallpaper. After the next World Cup though, Sorthern fans will need to get used to slight bit of redecoration as Waywide hangs up his boots.

Speaking in Quintessence of Dust before the opening round of World Cup qualifiers, captain Waywide announced his plans to retire, saying, “The twelve years I've been in the team have been fantastic, and I hope the next two years will be. However I can't carry on playing for ever, and I think the end of the World Cup will be a good time to call it a day, hopefully on the back of a successful World Cup campaign for us.”

Born in Clotaire, Candelaria And Marquez, Waywide soon found himself moving to pastures new in the form of Little Clotaire, a Sorthern town largely inhabited by Candelarisian Sortherners, following a disagreement between members of the Waywide family in Clotaire. What was Candelaria And Marquez's loss was to be Sorthern Northland's gain. Spotted playing football on the streets of Little Clotaire, Waywide was quickly snapped up to the academy of local football club, St Patrick's. As a senior player though, he lasted only a few seasons with Pats, before being snapped up Port of Clotaire of the Candelaria And Marquez Soccer Championship. During his time there he helped his team to the TakilQuip Champions Cup, and won the CMSC's Golden Boot in CMSC XXIX. Quite simply, to date he has been Sorthern Northland's best export in football terms. While though, he has had some career, it is now in it's twilight, as evidence by his recent move back to St Patrick's.

Whilst his move back to the mediocre Sorthern Football League from the internationally acclaimed CMSC could be considered a step down, Waywide doesn't see it as winding down, but more of a new challenge. Speaking about being back at St Pat's, Waywide told reporters, “It's different from Port of Clotaire, but my job is entirely different, there my main aim was to score goals, and make the team the best we could be. Here, whilst that's still a big goal, I'm also acting as a sort of tutor for the young lads. Players like Iñaki Arrigorriagakoa, have great futures ahead of them, and anything they can gain from me, I will be happy to help them with.”

Lee has been undoubtedly been a favourite among the fans throughout his career, and already with news breaking of his imminent retirement fans have been calling for a testimonial match to honour the player. As of yet, the Sorthern Northland Football Association hasn't announced any planes for such a much, but rumours suggest they are in negotiations with a foreign football association for such a game.

The National Reporter Online: News with a View>Sport>Football>WC45

Friendly record crumbles further in Yaforite thumping A fine time was had by all in Caires, unless you’re Candelariasian, in which case it wasn’t. A sublime offensive show from the visitors left Elgin Dannat and his squad humbled, the gulf of class between the world’s top eleven and the rest of us shown in a blitzing fashion.

All right, so we jest. This was about as tedious as any four-goal game could possibly be, the goals all coming from glaring defensive mistakes – Candelariasian ones, naturally, with Eric O’Brien in particular repeatedly caught for pace by the horribly handy youngster Kordanin Ya’haan. The Hadaris player was justly named man of the match, clearly a cut above anything C&M had to offer – Dannat tried all four forwards, but the host’s only goal came from a distant thwack by debutant captain Niv Cohen – and showed more than enough to suggest than he could prove the Yaforites’ missing link during the coming qualifying campaign and beyond.

The visitors performance probably came of something of a mild surprise to the locals at the AAC-Dimrar Dome, who are used to being affectionately despairing of their own vast Yaforite contingent, the much-cheered Ahershk Valinial aside. Perhaps we’re all just simply not used to any international side playing such calm and unadventurous football these days and actually succeeding, the obvious exception of Lovisa aside. They’re just freaks.

Valinial wasn’t the only one whose presence was celebrated – Dagor Rfa’an got a rousing reception when he popped up as a substitute, the Caires Sports faithful keen to lick arse in the general direction of their new owners whenever possible, and Turkarin Varanias’ name elicited a few sporadic claps pre-game, on the general basis that, as an IYC Kaharan player, it’s only a fluke of nature that he isn’t in a Knights shirt already.

If Dannat hadn’t anticipated the degree to which club loyalties seep through on occasions like this, he soon received an education. His own presence in the home dug-out was accompanied by more than a few boos – being a Caires City hero is bad enough, never mind one who has never shown anything but contempt towards the fallen giants down the road – but that was nothing compared to that meted out during the ceremonial reading of the C&M team-sheet.

…number eighteen, Enrique Silva de Aviz (yaaay!)… number nineteen and your Big Blues captain, Niv Cohen (yaaaaaaaaay!!)… number twenty-three, Joel Sbaïz (yäääääy!)… number twenty-six, that son of a dog (boooooooooo!!!!!)… and your substitutes for the evening, number one, Harry Rosalia (yaaay!)…

It was only his second return to the Docklands district since his cross-city move, and Lawrence Amey’s every touch was duly booed for the next forty-five minutes; Dannat allowing a grateful Amey to hide in the dressing room during the second period. His replacement Will Sussex still received the occasional jeer on general principal after that – all underlining a significant fact, in these difficult times. Others will no doubt call these fans a disgrace, but it all served to show that club loyalties really do still outstrip jingoistic fervour for the national team, even one flying high at fifteenth in the world. In a strange way, we should be proud. It was what our ancestors would’ve wanted.

Granted, there was an almighty scrap between CSC and City supporters after the game, but let’s not ignore what’s important here, eh?

C&M win/retain Rushmori Cup (delete as applicable; can’t remember) Elgin Dannat no doubt welcomed the less hostile crowd that greeted C&M in their second pre-qualifier. Granted, every single Candelariasian was roundly booed for ninety minutes, rather than just poor Amey, but at least there wasn’t any real malice in it. An actual murder never seemed especially probable in Tenderville and, as it is, the Home of the Dragon is as much a backyard for half the C&M squad as it is for their Nethertopian counterparts. It’s not like having to travel out to the unknown in Albundania or wherever, or drag on a seventh layer of vests before braving the Taeshanese spring. It’s practically homely.

Since most of both squads already knew each other intimately, the match was full of gently interesting little battles, grudge matches from CMSC1 fixtures past played out once more in the Rushmori Cup. Thankfully, I’m only being paid to whack out fifteen hundred words this morning, so I’m under no obligation to detail them. The game’s single goal came from David Spooner on the half-hour, C&M clinging on to the lead until half-time when hands were shaken, backs were slapped, and everyone agreed to send on half a dozen substitutes each to ruin the spectacle.

C&M dominated prior to the opener, intent on not taking their jolly little neighbours lightly – and nor could you blame them. Nethertopia were, after all, coming off the back of an utterly preposterous two-nil beating of the world champions. Granted, it was a just scratch Starblaydi side (I don’t actually know this but, come on… seriously), but even so the Group 10 sixth seeds looked well ready (apparently – like I say, I didn’t watch it) to make a giant step up. Now that they’ve axed their Candelariasian manager, and all.

Equally, more than a couple of the Candelariasians out there (seven of them, as it goes) had scores left to settle in the aftermath of that match in the DBC7 semi-finals, against the likes of Mark Water, Yannick de Woudt and the Visser cousins. And there was the joker in the pack – João Junqueira Ramírez, the Arrigo-conceived (again, only guessing) holding midfielder, a rare chink of light in the otherwise woeful new Nethertopian domestic league, who wa–

Okay, whatever. I’m on nine hundred+ words already, and I haven’t even got to the draw yet. Never mind. One-nil, we won the Cup… Yay?

Dannat trumpets ‘welcome test’ The Big Blues’ manager was quick to shrug off any criticism of his and the team’s performances in pre-qualifying, praising a ‘job well done’.

Decrying the discontented supporters at the Yafor 2 match as ‘mindless boo-boys’ – the latter a ‘cringeworthy term hardly likely to endear himself further to the loyal supporters’, according to C&MFans spokesman Jack Gleeson – Dannat stressed that his team had achieved what they had set out to do.

“We won the bit of pot, kept up the honour of C&M in Rushmore, all that… And we played well enough, and learnt new things, in the training match against the Yaforites. Clearly, there are a lot of our ‘supporters’ who have been spoilt over the last few years… Although, to be fair on the natives here, I can’t imagine how you could count any Caires Sports fans among that number. They haven’t been spoilt for years.”

The major Knights supporters’ clubs were soon up in arms over that comment, with the CAMAFA forced to defend their man’s ‘flippant and harmless comment made in the heat of a defeat’, but Dannat is generally winning few friends in low places. His aloof manner with the press and dismissive attitude towards his side’s fans has been regularly slammed for many months now, and his stance on friendly internationals also sets many a set of teeth on edge – the comprehensive beating by Yafor 2 bad enough without a pair of earlier losses to Kura-Pelland, of all countries.

On this, the former Caires City supremo plainly has a point; with C&M’s enviable pre-Dannat record in such occasions encouraging unduly high expectations towards what ultimately remain training exercises. The proof of the pudding is the team’s subsequent performances in World Cup qualifying, with Dannat seemingly unafraid to put pressure on the side ahead of the crucial fixtures on matchday five and six.

“It’d just be daft for me to say that we’ve got to go out there [the Han Empire and Cassadaigua] and get six points, or four, or whichever. Of course we’ll be going for a pair of wins, and of course it’s those two games that may make or break this campaign. I don’t want anyone thinking we’re going to just sail through the other fixtures, but our performances in those two away games really matter, especially against the Han. Home and away, actually – they’re a top ten nation, top five if you discount Demot from the reckoning, so it’s two fantastic opportunities to show that we belong in that kind of company.”

By that reckoning, of course, so was the game against Yafor 2… but we’ll let that pass for now.

The encounter in Hangyeong will be the first time senior C&M and Daehanjeiguk sides have met in fifteen years (thirty if you go by some calendars… a year-or-so by others…), following a two-one victory to the Candelariasian in which youngster Ignacio Vélez hit the controversial winner. There was, indeed, just one meeting prior to that – the now legendary three-three draw at the Baptism of Fire, concluding with the Han’s penalty shoot-out victory.

The sparse nature of encounters between the two countries in the face of long-standing connections (not even counting the loyalty-split Han population of the Candelariasian capital already paying through the nose for second-hand Solidarity tickets for the return fixture late this year), will serve to make both games even more eagerly awaited, but C&M can at least claim a better record against the top seeds than again their Cassadagan opponents. Michelle Baynes’ team took four points away from the Big Blues in World Cup 43 qualifying and, though much of C&M’s personnel have changed since those dying months of the Kris Healy either, the Amazonian Cassadagans will raise the fears of the Candelariasians like few other nations.

C&M and Taeshan are far from strangers either, while an incongruously venerable Greal team lost five-nil to the C&M under-21s back at the seventh Di Bradini Cup. The rest of Group 2 are complete unknowns, with Dannat and the boys making their first trip to Baptism of Fire graduates Achtervolging on matchday one, welcoming Albundania to El din on matchday four, and travelling to New New Mo Land for the final round of qualifying.

Aaaand, that’s… Sixteen hundred and seventy-eight words.

Arse.

Yurgh.

Yurgh Aloouerikimieri. That's my name. I'm a commentator. I commentate. With the massive boom in sports, I have a job. So I will do a preview. A preview. That's like a view before. It's not very accurate. It's more like a postview. So I will do a postview. Which sounds like I'm looking at the corner of a fence. Like viewing a post. So, like poleview. Which might be looking at the edge of the world - the north pole, if you may. So a North Pole View. An Artic View. An Artic See. The Holy See. The hole-y mint. The whole bagel. I'm getting off topic.

The first team that pops into mind (and requiring the obligatory bolding) is Quintessence of Dust. That's like the most pure or most representative part of something. So, essence of dust. Essence of the air. Perfume. We're going to be playing bottles of perfume. I refuse to understand how a match against bottles of perfume cannot result in a win, even if one of those bottles is named Roger. Longhorn. Maybe he's a bottle of perfume from sheep. Capricon. Cornucopia. I'm getting off topic again.

Next team is (again the bolding) Noásahi. No sushi. We hate uncooked food. We like cooking. Cooks. We're going to be playing a bunch of cooks. A bunch of cooks without a roster. Rosterless cooks. Menu-less cooks. Cooks without a clue. Cooks without ingredients. I again fail to understand how we won't easily defeat them. After all, cooks need ingredients to cook. I'm getting off topic again.

Next team (bolded as expected) is Terreiro de Ogum. Terror out of gum? Terror from the mouth. Terror issuing itself from the depths of the mouth. Screams. We're facing a team entirely of screams. Might be irritating. Must cover our ears from these screams. After all, if we don't, we might have our ear drums busted. I suggest that we will lose to these screams. Screams are loud. They are weightless. They can make us do things we do not wish to. I'm getting off topic again.

Next team (once more with the bold) is Yafalonia and Bazor 2. That's us. I'm getting off topic again.

Next team (all right, all right, you got the point) is Sarzonia. SARS-zone. Incubation. Separation. Disease. We will be playing a team of isolated diseases. I fear teams of isolated diseases. Diseases are dangerous. They can kill us and make us do things that we do not wish to do. This is slightly frightening. We will lose. After all, we cannot win against diseases. We cannot. Thus, we will lose. Diseases can make us grow warts. And boils. And turn us blue. And green. I'm getting off topic again.

Next team (last mention of bolding!) is Greston. G-rest-on. Gangsta', rest hea'. Gangster resting places. We're facing tombs made specially for mafiosos. They are not scary. What can blocks of stone do against the great Miso Kite? What are they to us? Mafia-men are scary, however. They can kill you. Shoot you. Stab you. Drop you into lakes with concrete shoes. I'm getting off topic again.

Next is (no mention of bolding!) Sorthern Northland. South and north. Schizophrenic. Confused. We're facing a team of directionally-challenged bipolar people. I am not afraid. We can defeat them. If anything, they should lose badly. First we score. Then they score. Then they score in their own net. Then we score. I'm getting off topic again.

The last team is (last one!) Cafund - *smash*. Oh, no, the building is collapsing! I will die! *Yurgh Aloouerikimieri is carried away by strange people in black suits with the emblazoned letters "IR"* Oh, thank you I -.

*feed cuts out*

World Cup 45 Qualification - Group 2
PRQ: 1-3@ Newmanistan [32] (@ Putnam Lake Stadium, Putnam Lake - ???)
MD1: @ Greal [43] (@ who knows where?)
MD2: vs Taeshan [31] (@ Sanhaemun Football Stadium, Cheonjin - 60,000)
MD3: @ Albundania [UNK] (@ here?)
MD4: @ Cassadaigua [50] (@ pink!)
MD5: vs Candelaria And Marquez [15] (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong - 150,000)
MD6: @ Mo Land 3 [141] (@ gemme moland!)
MD7: vs Achtervolging [98] (@ Dynasty Imperial Football Stadium, Namgyeong - 51,000)
MQ: @ Booblybobbers
MD8: vs Greal [43] (@ Goguryeo Football Stadium, Pyeongyang - 52,000)
MD9: @ Taeshan [31] (@ again?)
MD10: vs Albundania [UNK] (@ Silk Road Stadium, Seoan - 56,000)
MD11: vs Cassadaigua [50] (@ Munhwa Football Stadium, Hanseong - 65,000)
MD12: @ Candelaria And Marquez [15] (@ somewhere good :P)
MD13: vs Mo Land 3 [141] (@ Potala, Lasa - 34,000)
MD14: @ Achtervolging [98] (@ ah-choo!)
PTQ: ???

*** The Summer Palace, Gwangju ***

A gong resounded in the halls as people lined up from front to back dressed in fancy dress attire, the traditional garb of the Imperial Court ceremony, prepared to celebrate a milestone. Not long ago, the Yeongmu Emperor seized power from his father - the Gwangmu Emperor - and since that time, four years had passed. Four years - quite a milestone, and one seldom missed by later generations. No one present needed to remind the Yeongmu Emperor the significance of the fourth anniversary, as the number itself gave to him a shocking reminder of its portentious influence upon the reign of previous Emperors. The first four years of the Emperor's reign often would dictate whether his reign would be long and storied, with great advances in commerce and science leading the Empire to new heights; if otherwise troublesome, the Emperor may see his way through times of troubles ahead.

No one at the ceremony would dare to encourage thoughts of the latter, but it was certainly something on everyone's minds. The Mujeongbu - long defeated since the efforts of the Jeongmu Emperor - were coming back in resurgence internationally. Even this recent spell of silence could not be perceived as a guaranteed victory over the terrorists; it was only the calm before the storm, and everyone in the government knew that this would be their year to try another attack. Amidst the ceremony, the Yeongmu Emperor was awaiting the news of some dastardly attack upon the Empire or its community of international acquaintances. It's been awfully too quiet to let up any guard of vigilance, especially with the apparently unresolved political tensions surrounding the recent assassination of the Liventian Prime Minister - the Hwarang continually insisted that the Mujeongbu were not responsible, and everything about the affair said the same thing; but the hallmarks of Mujeongbu tactics was their ability to adapt to the existing circumstances. If the Liventian Prime Minister was not a Mujeongbu target, someone closer to the Han Empire certainly would be.

The sergeant-at-arms boldly announced the arrival of the Yeongmu to a receptive crowd at the Summer Palace. Awaiting him within the court circle were two prominent men in life at the court - the Daeweongun and the Marquis Pak Yu. The Marquis Pak Yu was a member of the Gwangmu Emperor's Imperial Cabinet, and still holds the Foreign Ministry under his belt. But the Daeweongun - the Gwangmu Emperor himself - was the man largely responsible for the foreign affairs these days. Too old to bear the burden of horrible news, he still resided within the Imperial residences as an official adviser to the Emperor, much like the Prime Minister in other countries. There is officially an elected spot for the Prime Minister, but as his role is largely associated with the Imperial Assembly - hardly a man responsible for the affairs of the state.

The whole party was in fact the product of the Empress Dowager, the Empress Han Myeongsuk, his mother. The celebration of the fourth anniversary was hardly a traditional ceremony, but one that the Empress thought right and good for the state. Instead of drawing upon the miserably connotations of the fourth year, why not boldly celebrate its arrival? To give full meaning of the symbolism, try inviting a criminal to your next birthday party and you might get a sense of the anxiety filling the Emperor's mind.

"This is the last time I ever celebrate anything of this magnitude," the Emperor uttered under his breath to his father. He still held a smile as he turned back to face the crowd of guests in the hall. The Daeweongun smiled as well, but also under his own breath replied to the Emperor, "That's the idea, pyei-ha (your Majesty)."

The Emperor sat down in the company of his trusted associated (largely those of his father). Everything about the Yeongmu Emperor's reign has been within the shadow of his father's work. It wasn't the case that he was too young to take care of his own affairs; at a modest 26 years of age, the Emperor was at an age where he must minimally confident of his ability to manage state affairs. Though he lacked maturity in his younger days, any reminiscences of a by-gone era were consumed with the responsibilities of billions of citizens and perhaps just as many denizens, foreign and domestic alike. It was easy to blame the man responsible for your safety if you fall into hardship; but harder so for the Emperor to stop those who would wish ill upon you. Yes, things were not as they once were, and security was starting to see the piece of liberty - for freedom's sake, people could not be subject to curfews as easily as once before. And not that they needed to have the curfews; the Internet was as wide a street as any town square in the Empire. Even with the Internet "cops" surveying the web, it was just too difficult to manage the remarks of every denizen with absolute certainty concerning national security.

And so, the Emperor would have to put out a show, to assure his people that they were safe at night. They were safe, even if he wasn't.

"I do not like this idea of parading around the way while our enemies congregate beneath our feet," he said as the festivities died away and the banquet started.

"No one is conspiring anything that we don't know of," the Daeweongun replied.

"What about those of whom we know nothing?" came the sharp reply.

"They are then the ones we ought not concern."

"They are the very ones of whom we ought to concern the most."

Marquis Pak Yu interceded in the conversation to offer his opinion. "Your father is right, pyei-ha. History shows us that no great effort is ever done by a single man or woman. And that though great men and women have risen through the ranks, their achievements are always compounded by the efforts of the masses who support them." He took a moment to sip his hot tea. "History will prove again that the Mujeongbu - almost to the point of irony - rely upon some sense of order to accomplish their tasks. Otherwise, such synchronization would be impossible to achieve."

"Individual effort may be impossible in times when the individual was suppressed," the Emperor replied. "But these are different time, and these times allow individual to develop their own plans by the merit of individual successes, not of the unit of society. I have more fear of a man who steal his pistol into the subways, shooting random people than I do of the Mujeongbu plotting some great invasion of our lands."

Marquis Pak scoffed that idea. "A man in the subway is a criminal. Terrorists are more than just criminals. They're experts on instilling terror into people. I'm not afraid of criminals."

"They're all criminals in my book. And in my book, one man can instill more fear by chance than an army of rebels can in one instance. Individuality can create monsters beyond your imagination."

The Daeweongun patted the Emperor on his lap. "Myeong-a (the Emperor's childhood familiar name), you need to realize that modernity is just like history except through a new lens. No effort is ever undertaken without the effort of many people. Yes, the farmers can produce much more by their own effort, but they rely upon the efforts too of their forebears, who brought them to the present. They rely upon the machines that allow us to produce more crops than in the past. They rely upon things that make our society function. Even an individual genius cannot travel far without the help of the people who help realize his genius. After all, we have our state today because of the efforts of your forebears and my forebears, and their forebears. Who can say any one of us made this Empire?"

"If that be the case, then we are all unwilling and unwitting accomplices in the next great plot against the Empire, because we are letting our citizens soak up these ideologies like it's a sea of rice and grain! You know how easy it is for an average denizen to read the materials for the Mujeongbu ideology? I can spot thousands of illicit materials just by looking it up on the Internet!"

"Myeong-a," the Daeweongun replied, noting that the Emperor was becoming a bit excited. "You should relax. These things are free for the people to read, so that they may see the fallacy of their judgments. The Mujeongbu is a failed ideology because its principles argue that individuals can survive alone and without others, that self-reliance and survival are the only matters for any individual to concern. And yet without the community, how can we progress as civilized peoples?"

"What happens when people don't hear the opposing argument?"

"Then we educate them," the Daeweongun answered. "A state is only as meritorious as its lowliest citizen. Hence, we educate our citizens to become better, more civil people."

"Civil..."

"And I'm not talking about your random football folk, either," the Daeweongun replied, turning much sterner in his speech. For the longest time, the Gwangmu Emperor disliked the extreme enthusiasm expressed by the Han people at sporting events. Despite the relief of the human soul in the competition for victory upon fields of friendly strife, excessive indulgences in social behavior could leave men to stand like wild beasts.

The Yeongmu Emperor retorted idly, "An excess of civility could break all tradition as well."

"Define 'excess' then."

The Emperor gazed at the Daeweongun with a firm but rebellious smile. "This party, for starters."

The Daeweongun turned irate. "You!... Your mother put a great deal of effort to this, and you respect her with this 'excess'? How ungrateful!"

"Father, I mean no disrespect. But I sincerely believe that holding to ceremony rigidly leaves us little room for flexibility. You wonder why foreigners dislike visiting the Han Empire?"

"They dislike visiting because of your friends!"

The Yeongmu Emperor returned a snappy remark. "By my 'friends', you mean the great civil populace of our Empire?"

"I mean those insane lunatics who crowd the stadia every day just to see something related to football! They could be working or studying instead of idling all day doing nothing but watch!"

"Pyei-ha! Abeonim!" Marquis Pak had to remind his hosts that they were in public view. The Emperor and the Daeweongun stopped their childish display and continued to eat. Luckily, hardly anyone else noticed their display, as they were busily talking amongst one another. Indeed, dinner with the Emperor was hardly an occasion that many people appreciated as much as they basked in his presence in a court meeting. Eating was more or less considered a private affair, but Western ideals of banquets and the like were becoming more and more popular. "This is the last banquet that I will have for a long while," the Emperor said after a long pause. The Daeweongun agreed. "I'll be sure to remind your mother."

*** An Apartment, Hangyeong ***

A knock came at the door. Yim Hwanyong carefully approached the door, recognizing the characteristic knock. It was a local police officer, on his usual patrols. He quickly answered the door politely. "Good evening, good sir," he said bowing politely to the officer. "What can I help you with?"

"We've received a telephone call about unusual activities in your residence. They complain that you're up well beyond your usual night-time hours and that you're chanting odd things. Can you verify these statements?"

Yim shook his head. "I'm sorry. I guess I've been a bit loud lately."

"Loud?"

"Well, I'm practicing for a public performance sometime in the future. I want to become an actor, and it's been a bit tough for me. I found a theater somewhere down on Jungan Street. There's a club down there that's looking for improv guys like me. I'm not sure if I'm ready for it though..."

The officer seemed placating. "I'm sorry for bothering you, sir. I just have to follow up these reports. I would suggest that you explain this to your neighbors however, as they do seem quite confounded."

"Not a problem, sir," Yim replied. "In fact, if you'd like, I could give you their address. You could stop by and see me perform once! I'd like to know how I'm doing then!"

The officer politely declined. "I'm sorry. I'm still on duty, and I'm not much in favor of going out to clubs. But I wish you luck. Have a good evening, sir."

"Thank you. You as well." Yim calmly closed the door. Too close for comfort. True, he had been loud as of late, but it wasn't for the cause of practicing for an on-stage performance. He was practicing recitations for a totally different purpose. Yim Hwanyong was a Mujeongbu admirer; not so much for admiring their ideology or their objectives, but for their method. They were powerful individals who could inspire fear into any person in any world. Indeed, at a time of peace, who could resist the temptation to fight abroad for the right to kill the sons of bitches of other countries? And he too craved that chance to prove himself as much a Mujeongbu member as anyone else.

Yim was not a very educated man. He barely graduated his basic Saengweon license, which stated that he was a legal citizen of the Empire. And despite becoming a citizen, he hoped to gain more by living the thrills and dangers of becoming a Mujeongbu agent. Oh, only problem being was that the Empire extremely disliked Mujeongbu agents. In fact, the problem was so extant that all citizens were notified that any affiliation with the Mujeongbu would result in immediate termination of citizenship and forfeiture of rights accorded to citizens. In those times, you were better off being some non-citizen slowpoke than a Mujeongbu agent, because one of three possible fates would come to you; (1) you would be killed; (2) you would be tortured for information, then killed; or (3) you would "disappear" (another euphemism for "you would be killed"). Basically, the Empire strongly suppressed any activity related to the Mujeongbu, except posting their very existence, ironically. It was supposedly a part of their "this is bad; don't do this" psychological campaign. Basically, convince citizens that the Mujeongbu were a negative influence upon society and civilization and to reject anarchy as the principal form of government for any individual.

But Yim didn't understand any bit of the political lexicon, or the purpose of the Mujeongbu and the government. The only thing that he was the mutual alliance of the Imperial government with the foreign bastards who were doing bad things to him, and that the Mujeongbu was trying to save him from the yoke of foreign barbarians. And what was the yoke of the foreign barbarians? Stealing the culture of the Han; at least that was what Yim perceived. Indeed, the Western culture was subverting the superior and righteous culture of the Han, and in its place, they were introducing horrible concepts of "social equality" in its place. Equality? Whatever happened to the righteous nobles leading their mighty men into battle? These days, just about anyone else could join the Imperial Armed Forces and steal away his right to fight the foreign invaders... if only they'd fight at all.

Indeed, Yim was one of the lost nobility - the lost clans of yangban class (the dual nobility of scholar/warrior caste) that disappeared following the edicts of the Emperor Gojong. Modernizing the Empire was what he called it; salvaging the greatest system in the universe was what he did. Who can trust the lowly peasants to share the same enthusiasm to fight against foreign invaders when it was the nobility who for centuries valiantly defended the Empire against the invaders. First from the Monggols, then the Ilbon, then the Myeong - and in each occasion, did the Imperial Army trust those lowly peasants? No, it was the nobility who led the great armies of Empire!

And now the great Army is flooded with incompetent generals who cannot see what the West is doing to the Empire - leaving the Empire vulnerable to attack. Hence, the Mujeongbu! They would show that the Empire was weak! They would transform the Empire into what it once was - a great and powerful nation, ruled by the elite! Of course, we must confess that Yim confuses his definition of the elite, but for his sake, we'll indulge his whims. After all, this is his story. And he wants it to be his Empire.

He looked at the calendar, marked for a date a few weeks away. This would be an event the world would never forget.

*** In a Bar, Jungan Street, Hangyeong ***

It had been some time since the fire that burned down the building that was the old Cricket Pub. Almost two years ago, in fact. And despite the troubles, they had managed to rebuild their pub. Min Hansu, however, was not the same man. True, he had rebuilt his establishment, his faithful customers had not left him, and business was as great as ever, thanks largely to the efforts of the man who was perhaps least acknowledged at any time. But his daughter...

It was the evening hour, and everyone was settled around to celebrate in popular fashion the fourth year of the Emperor Yeongmu's reign. The fact that they were celebrating the same occasion as the Emperor was celebrating was just an unusual coincidence; Min Hansu, following the events of nearly two years ago, had left his establishment in the capable hands of a business entrepreneur named Kim Seungho. He was a graduate of Cheonghwa University in business management and as one of those random students who stayed by in the pub after late hours studying, watching TV, or doing just whatever the occasion called for, he came to love the establishment. It was all of the more a great reason that he volunteered to run the Lucky Cricket Pub as its general manager. That left plenty of time for Hansu to manage the newly renovated (fire-proof, I might add) kitchen, where he even had a part-time staff of culinary students. Indeed, more good things happened because of the fire...

But Min Hansu still spent the time lamented the loss of his daughter, Min Seunghwa. It was a confusing time after he left her at the office. To this day, no one knows for certain what happened to her. The last man to see her ever was the admissions officer Pak Yunnam. He was trying to help her enroll when she left suddenly in the middle of the affair, apparently after hearing that a good friend had disappeared. And like that good friend, she too disappeared. But as she stripped away any resemblance of her past history to the wind, she also took her father's heart with her. And so those who knew him best often would lament with him.

It was the evening hour, and Min Hansu simply did not feel like cooking anything particular. Today was unusually painful for him, so he told the cooks that he would be sitting out in the parlor with the guests. That probably left the cooks very happy, because he was a meticulous chef (yes, he had become licensed since the last time) who told his "students" how to cook. Not that they needed his useful instruction, but they too wanted to have some free air at times - to experiment at the least. Min Hansu went out into the parlor, which was now a wider expanse of the room. The Pub had changed greatly since the fire. Instead of a small narrow hallway, the Pub was now a full two stories, with an open bar in the middle. Most of his old neighbors stayed around, with added amenities to their old establishments. "Mu" and Shin Yeongsuk opened the grocery, selling quite a "modern" selection of produce and in grerater quantity. They shared the space together, as Mu felt no need to sell more than he needed to sell. Besides, Ms. Shin often shared her profits with the old man selling her rice cakes; it seemed to work out quite well for everyone. The astrologer No Seongmi left for another place, but she would return to the place for her groceries. It seems that fire had a great impact upon her ability to connect with extrasensory perception, and she was now a popular psychic. She often told her clients - "The clouds of smoke helped to clear my eyes as I see the world around me as if a great light would shine upon it." Whatever it meant, it certainly left her a wanted person.

Min Hansu took his usual seat by his old clientele. Hong was the first to greet him to the table. "Well, the master of the house comes for another round."

"I'm still thinking about her," Hansu said, sighing as he heaved his old body onto the chair. Yu Gyeongae patted his shoulder. "It's a long time. She's probably found herself a new life. I think it's better for her, although she should have told us where she's gone."

Hong quickly quipped back, "I think that was the point."

Choe Cheolgwan was busily pacing his fingers on the table. Ever since Seonghwa disappeared, he had taken up the habit of smoking; and owing to Hansu's distaste for smoke, Choe always had to smoke outside. But he disliked stepping outside, so he would pass the time between cigarettes pacing his finger on the table. And why did he start up smoking? Perhaps in a sense, he was responsible for making Seonghwa flee her home. Oddly, the one book that was published was the tale of the server who got screwed over with life; Seonghwa probably identified herself with the character as Choe wrote his book, and despite her noblest intentions, she probably felt that she too was becoming like this character and thought to escape this fate by running away. And for its popularity, Choe felt some guilt for bringing this idea to her. But no one else blamed him for her disappearance.

Chan Seokgyu slapped his hand. Among other things, Choe's persistent frapping on the table annoyed him greatly. "If you're that nervous, go smoke one already!" he yelled amidst the crowd's gentle chatter. Choe hid his hands and continued tapping on his legs, so as to avoid making the annoying patter on the table. Min Hansu shook his head as he continued to think over his last moments with Seonghwa. "Why would she just disappear like that? She had everything she needed at home."

Hong nodded. "I think she was looking for more. And hopefully Heaven hold her, she finds it."

http://i159.photobucket.com/albums/t156/daehanjeiguk/Companies/MBC.png

Han Lose Pre-Qualifier Test

PUTNAM LAKE - In a contest that the Han were supposed to dominate completely against a team that has suffered the tantalizing burden of World Cup Qualification for as many years, the Han... didn't. In fact, it was a brush-over by the home side as they kicked off the wonderful new era under the financial umbrella of Samseong. With only Jeong Jihun salvaging a goal in the 64th minute, the Newmanistanian national side managed a 3-1 rout, leaving spectators wondering if the Han are simply planning to cave in under their own weight again. Yes, we can beat the #1 side at home, but going away to little shrimps, we're like little plankton scooped up by some giant and harmless whale. Oh, and we do get devoured whole.

But such things are to be expected. Ioshido Toki has had quite a troublesome time managing against weaker teams. It all literally started with that horrible 5-1 loss against those dead saints from the Catholic country whose name shall not be named; and then they went on to lose several more times against other teams that were weaker in strength, despite occasionally picking up some valuable points against the stronger teams. And so it seems that the Han only perform well against higher-ranked teams, and now #6 in the world, the Han can only go down, because there's not a hope in the world that Han will manage to find another top-ranked team, even until the World Cup (and only then in the Second Round, which by then, we often lose to said higher-ranked teams).

But the Han will have a taste of weaker teams going away to Greal, where they will hope to at least score more goals than the home side. Otherwise, you can expect WC45 to be a very painful experience (if you're a fan).

avoiding ad, sorry
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The New Cleethorpes Enquirer
Nerves for the broadcasters as team remains calm

The Quintessence of Dust national football team emerged unbeaten from the pre-World Cup friendlies, keeping a perfect clean sheet throughout, while their long record of ill-discipline proved untroubling as they picked up no bookings. Admittedly, they didn't play any games, but that's a trifling concern. As World Cup 45 qualifying dawns, the side will for the fourth time enter the running for the World Cup proper, and coach Jeremy Dixon is confident that they stand the best chance of yet of, well, getting their asses handed to them. But in style. But the biggest contest may well not take place at the edge of the penalty area, but way back at home, as QBS square up to FTV over March's broadcast schedule.

The squad, mainly unchanged from the players that went 5-2-5 in World Cup 44 qualifying, contains one major change, with newcomer Ronald Johnson, fresh out of the University of West Sponson, taking Charlie Williams's place in the centre of defence for the opening encounters. Young medic Williams is currently in Liventia, captaining the national field hockey in their ongoing slaughters in the 2nd World Championship; should the team be knocked out by week's end, he may rejoin the football squad for the second half of qualifying.

Bringing much needed height to the notoriously tiny back line, Johnson is a solid player with Williams's tackling abilities, and a cooler temperament than his colleague, Micky Marberger. Dixon said his inclusion was "in no way 'last-minute'". "We knew this was always a possibility, and although Charlie is missed we're all rooting for him, so it's really not a problem."

Captain Theodore Littlefellow and star midfielder Peter Rogers enter the Cup having been confirmed as the first Quodite footballers in national history to play overseas, both being signed to AFC MN Smith in Candelaria And Marquez. Secretary of Sport and former QFA Chair Dr Alfred Cynus said, "It's very exciting, and it could be that having some of our players gain international exposure will help improve their performances when it comes to representing the country."

Quintessence of Dust are currently ranked 72nd in the world, and face one of their toughest tasks yet in the qualifying rounds, with four top 30 sides in the mix, including Sorthern Northland, who contributed to their defeat last World Cup. And experienced Sarzonia will represent an additional challenge, meaning the Quodites will need to engineer some upsets if they are to evade another early departure. "We always start so strongly, then tail off," said Dixon. "We need to maintain our fitness, not give in to ill-discipline - and hope for a strong finish."

Meanwhile, the notoriously TV-phobic Quodite people may have their first ever "broadcast battle" heating up as QBS, which under federal law has rights to show all sporting events, faces up to commercial challenge FTV, whose smash hit Strictly Come Ironing is to be counterprogrammed against all Quodite matches. "This is a despicable and transparent act," said QBS Director of Programmes David Edinburgh. "The people have a right to watch major cultural events. The national team playing in the World Cup is such an event. FTV will regret this decision, and we urge them to reconsider this ill-conceived gambit."

But Petticoat Mangrove Sveinbjornson III, the magnate whose father set up FTV as the only national commercial channel, insists that their programme will be competitive in key audience demographics. "We've seen this before: the leftist media in this country hypes up some minor sporting event to draw public attention away from critical errors. Strictly Come Ironing is the breath of fresh air Quodite lungs have been gasping for. We're confident of our audience share."

Strictly Come Ironing features celebrities ranging from minor media personalities to major political figures, engaging in competitive extreme ironing, one of the most popular sports in Quintessence of Dust. A surprise hit over the Christmas season, 1.2 million Quodites, or almost 25% of the entire population, tuned in to watch Senate Minority Whip Chuck Randall defeat daytime talk show host Jenny Whitesnake in the final, ironing four shirts and matching ties while hot air ballooning over the Quintessential Alps.

The New Cleethorpes Enquirer will be covering both World Cup 45 and Strictly Come Ironing: Season 2 over the coming weeks.

Schedule:

MD 1: vs. Sorthern Northland, Eli F. Baker Memorial Arena, Zyarn
The only custom-built football stadium in the country plays host to the opening game against Sorthern Northland.
MD 2: vs. Noásahi, Sam-is-That? Stadium, North Island West
The Colonies again see football at their small stadium, against unranked newcomers Noásahi.
MD 3: at Terreiro de Ogum
MD 4: vs. Yafalonia and Bazor 2, National Stadium of Sports, Highmark City
The capital sees the home side take on an unusual team.
MD 5: at Sarzonia
MD 6: vs. Greston, Goldfish Bowl, West Sponson
Another unranked side, played at the home of the national rugby team.
MD 7: at Cafundéu
MD 8: at Sorthern Northland
MD 9: at Noásahi
MD 10: vs. Terreiro de Ogum, Grand Regal Douchebag Stadium, Pulona
The largest stadium in the country is the setting for Matchday 10.
MD 11: at Yafalonia and Bazor 2
MD 12: vs. Sarzonia, Eli F. Baker Memorial Arena
MD 13: at Greston
MD 14: vs. Cafundéu, National Stadium of Sports

Back in the Day [Results]

The Tar Hornets went to Concord Heights to play Cassadaigua in a boring match that ended in a nil-nil draw. The game did provide a great opportunity for the team to get experience playing their second team, and to get some experience playing in front of a hostile away crowd. Ron Wellborn was the star of the match, saving all four of the shots that the Femme Fatales put on target.

In their other game of pre-qualifying, the Tar Hornets came to the Gold Coast to play the Millionaires of Secristan in what is rapidly becoming a soccer tradition. Reports out of the Casino Royale complex are vague, as they are being very tight-lipped about any events that may have happened within the confines of their beaches and nightclubs, but word from Secristani players is that they definitely took the chance to get “friendly” with several bars, beaches, and of course, the requisite beach bunnies. A quote from a non-named Secristani player, while on the beach:

“I paid to get to do things like this, so I don't see why I shouldn't get the chance to enjoy the fruits of my labor. I heard last time the place they put us wasn't nearly this fun, so I'm taking advantage of the beach and the [expletive deleted] while I can. You think there's going to be women like this in Koseli Cumhuriyetler, Forn Parts, or Jeru FC? Well maybe at Jeru FC.”

The Millionaires had a lot less fun on the field, struggling with the hot conditions and the pressing attack, losing 2-0. The goals were scored by Lancaster in the 34th minute and Peña in the 55th. Reports abound that Peña and the unnamed Secristani player in the quote above hooked up at the swanky Ghost Bar but those reports have been neither confirmed nor denied.

So Now What?

From the casinos of Huracan Province, the team not travels to the second stop on their tour around the country, War Memorial Stadium in not-so-scenic Vulcan to play Rymeria. The Spacemen [we like making nicknames!] were notably absent from pre-qualifying friendlies probably due to the hassle of traveling multiple light-years for games. They're very familiar with Arroza, though using Atalanta as a staging base for their last run at the World Cup. Then they played in Atalanta, but it'll definitely be culture shock for them to play this game in the province people call “The most backward place in Arroza to somehow create a government and not implode”. Also next week will mark defender Tadeu Terra's 50th game for the Tar Hornets.

Other games in Group 3 are: (Predictions in parenthesis!)

Prux @ Ierissos (4-0 Cereal Killers)
Septentrionia @ Milchama (2-1 Attackers)
Govindia @ Akbarabad (3-1 Akbarabad)

Interlude:

“Dirty Tricks LLC, how may I direct your call? Targeted Mayhem division, Mr. Killarney's office? Please hold.” The phone started playing non-offensive elevator music while the call was transferred to the office. The company had grown a lot in 2 years, and had gone from a bunch of no-names to the largest company in the country providing personalized revenge, practical joke, and sheer assholery services. Pollux Killarney had risen with the tide as well, going from a mere operative to being a manager of a special account of the Ministry of Sport and Tourism. And all from swapping out a couple of bottles of moonshine for synth-ohol...sucked to be the drunken Irishmen drinking it, but hey, they should have learned to stop after the first shot.

“Mr. Killarney. Good work with the last job, although those greedy bastards almost didn't need the help. Your next job is going to be the home game against Rymeria in Vulcan, and I think I have something special in mind.” Killarney sighed inside, but being able to deal with over-zealous customers like this was how he had risen this high in the company in the first place.

“You remember how negative the Rymerians were when that coach of theirs had to listen to some country music while on hold? Well, we want you to figure out a way that their swamped with country music. Everywhere. The city's going to take care of getting the stadium ready for it, but I want you to handle the sensitive stuff.”

“Do you know where they're staying?”

“No, we're not going to investigate that and have it be on our hands. That's where people like you come in.”

“Fine. I have some work to do, so I need to get started if you plan on me having this done by next week.” Killarney hung up the phone and immediately called the Pine Forest branch. Two hours later he had the full itinerary of the Rymerian team. Hotel, back-up hotel, practice field, the whole nine yards. For the actual work, there were some sutble changes made to both the smoke alarm systems of rooms on the 6th floor of the Vulcan Radisson, and to the looped hold music of the hotel as well. It was done within two hours, and the technicians were careful not to leave a trace of their presence.

Until 10PM on the night of the game. The smoke alarms had been tied to the hold system, so instead of blaring instructions on how to get out of the hotel, the blared out whatever the hold music was. The hold music had been changed from the standard non-offensive fare to:
http://www.jessesmusic.biz/images/Charley_Pride%2022%20alltime.jpg [I'll leave it up to you as to what happened after that.]

Ahead of Sarzonia's opening away match in Yafalonia and Bazor 2, Incorporated Football Federation Chairman Dave Wilson was on the telephone.

The Woodstock City Council had just announced that Bryan Marshall Memorial Stadium was set to undergo a massive reconstruction programme, and that home fixtures for the Sarzonian national team would have to be at Hendrix Stadium in Woodstock if they were to take place in the Sarzonian national capital.

The Iron Bowl in Portland was deemed too small by the IFF board of directors to serve as more than an occasional venue. Wilson hadn't heard reports about the construction of the new Mike Sarzo Stadium in Nicksia, but heard city planners didn't want the stadium used until the post qualifying fixture against Krytenia as part of the Mike Sarzo Memorial Trophy tournament.

"Look, Hendrix is still undergoing massive repairs," Dave Wilson said. "Frankly, with the latest 40 centimetre snowstorm to hit Woodstock, I don't know if they're going to get the refurbishing done in time."

"The stadium barely made code," the voice on the other end of the line said. "If it fails code, not only would you be prohibited from using the stadium, but we'd be fined $100,000 every day we're not in compliance."

"Those inspections only come around every six months," Wilson said. "By the time the next inspection happens, Hendrix will hopefully be ready to be used."

"Look, the City Council is about to vote on the measure now. I can't stop them from voting. They've barred further discussion that doesn't come from councilmen or councilwomen."

"They can't do that," Wilson said. "If the media get a hold of this, there'll be an uproar."

"Most Woodstockers don't give a shit," the voice said. "Besides, the stadium needs renovations to meet code."

As the conversation continued, Wilson's cell phone beeped incessantly. Finally, he said, "excuse me for a second."

"Dave Wilson."

"There's been an error in the inspection certificate," came a voice Wilson recognised as that of the mayor. "Marshall passed with flying colours. The certificate used to renovate Hendrix Stadium was mistakenly switched with the Marshall certificate. You can play your home matches at Marshall." The mayor hung up. Within a few minutes, the other voice at the end of the original line came back.

"The motion to begin renovations immediately has been defeated," the voice said. "They will begin renovations after the World Cup cycle has concluded."

And by then, we can start using Sarzo Stadium Dave Wilson thought. He wanted to see the first match at the new stadium, a fixture against Krytenia. If he lived that long.

[OOC: Quintessence of Dust, if you want to add the exact name of the stadium Sarzonia uses, it's Bryan Marshall Memorial Stadium in Woodstock; capacity 88,920. I've included the photo link and information for it on my squad post.]

Adam Scott glanced at his watch and couldn’t hide the smile. He’d been sat in the director’s box at the newly re-modelled Hyppodrome for nearly three hours, the players had come out for the kickoff upwards of an hour and a half ago and still not a ball had been kicked in anger. As a big event to inaugurate the newly refurbished national stadium it was something of a damp squib, the looks on the faces of the spectators nearby was testimony to that. They just weren’t sure how to react. No alcohol, no big display of fireworks, nothing but vegetables in the kiosks and no music. Well not the music they were expecting. Sure there was chanting but you couldn’t really tap your toes to it. And then there was the thing with the women. Women were allowed in of course but, in honour of their holy guests, they had to make certain adjustments. Specifically they had to wear special clothing that was akin to a fabric diving bell, most decided they'd rather stay at home thank you very much. But it was all part of the plan. Scott was by no means a religious man, not many in the Autocracy were. It wasn’t a conscious thing, more that the population just settled into the atheistic life. But during their last foray onto the international footballing stage form at the Hyppodrome had been so risible, as opposed to the often winning performances seen in other parts of the country, that whispers of a curse had done the rounds. So Scott had come up with what he’d considered a rather clever idea. For the opening game at the new stadium invite the most righteous and devout national side around, along with all the rituals that accompany them, for a kickabout. And as the monks approached the end of the pre-match Divine Liturgy of St. John Chrysostom, the complete version of course, Scott imagined any lingering juju would be long gone. Just like a good portion of the crowd.

Which was a shame, as when the match finally got started, it was a surprisingly good game. And for a good long while it seemed like the lower ranked Hyppos might upset the mighty monks of the Dreamed Realm. The Autocracy’s youngsters were quick out of the blocks, delighted to finally be allowed to actually play a bit, and swarmed forward in search of the Hyppodrome Mk 2’s opening goal. And to Scott’s delight they got it too when a corner from Khedira was sliced away straight to the feet of Raczka who poked it over the line. Delight on the pitch, on the bench and in the partially re-filling stadium. But it wasn’t to be the dream start and in truth the Archregimancy were totally deserving of the win as they took control in the second half. Herman of Optina was the hero, though he’d never admit it, as he swept in a right wing cross for the equaliser six minutes into the second half and took advantage of some space to drive a low fifteen yarder past the diving Baron for a deserved winner. Still the first half had been impressive and a 2 – 1 defeat to the world number 16s was something to build on . . .

* * * * *

Several days later and Scott found himself at a much more, well, normal match and another inauguration of sorts. The Kura-Pelland firm that had redeveloped the Autocracy’s own national stadium were also responsible for Portland’s new Iron Bowl. The stadium was nice and the performance was even nicer. The unusually warm Sarzonian morning just completed what was a very good day for the home fans.

Scott wasn’t altogether surprised. He remembered, as a boy during the Hyppos very first qualification campaign, watching the navy clad Stars confidently turn over the Autocracy’s finest 3 – 0 at the old Iron Bowl on a morning much like this one. And several months later that some side in the darker blue humbled the Hyppos 4 – 0 in front of a capacity crowd in Hypocrium. You always knew what you’d get from a side from Sarzonia. Efficiency, hard work and organisation. And all clicked perfectly on that beautiful morning.

Franco Berisha made a couple of changes to the team that narrowly lost against the Monks, blooding a couple of other players into the world of international football. And new keeper Sami Reis had something of a nightmare. He barely reacted as a fierce Zack Wilson drive flew past him and poor positioning allowed Matt Lynch to grab a second. A Reese Nichols daisy cutter heaped insult onto injury but Reis could do nothing about the fourth as, fittingly enough, former Hyppos coach Dave Wilson’s grandson Zack placed a right footed effort to perfection.

Four goals down and still half the game to go. Scott couldn’t help feel for coach Berisha who had a thankless task. No one else had wanted the job, knowing that Hypocrian football had been left far behind after so many years in the wilderness. Sure the Hyppos had been taken apart by the Stars before but that Sarzonian team had been right at the top of the tree, the world champions. This was now a mid-ranked side. Worryingly like a number of opponents in the qualification group. The coach’s halftime words of wisdom at least forced some defensive steel back into the side but it had been a steep learning curve. And Scott was in no doubt that there’d be more to follow.

On the final whistle the Head of the FAH handed over a gift to his opposite number. It was a signed Hyppos shirt, the number 4 shirt worn by Marcus Baxter during the final of AOCAF XI. Baxter had scored both goals on that day that saw the Dave Wilson coached Autocracy become champions of Atlantian Oceania. It had been signed by that AOCAF squad and was a long overdue peace offering to the man Scott felt had been treated shabbily by his predecessors at the FAH, particularly after what he achieved. After making amends for the past it was time to prepare for the future. For the first time in sixteen long tournaments the Autocracy had a world cup qualifier to prepare for.

THE MONASTIC FOOTBALL ASSOCIATION
BRINGS YOU

THE SAINT OF THE DAY

The Friendly Against the Hypocrians

Hieromartyr Theodotus the Bishop of Cyrenia

Though the Archregimancy had beaten Hypocria, the Autocracy's squad had played better than anticipated. Why, Raczka had evened opened the scoring for the home side before Fr. Herman had restored the rightful order of things. Perhaps, mused Fr. Anthony, this would be a new start for the Hyppos, for - atheists though they were - many in the Holy Monastic Republic had a soft spot for Hypocria due to their now-legendary record of fruitless striving and suffering during their first round of participation in the World Cup.

Fr. Anthony considered the life of the Holy Hieromartyr Theodotus, a native of Galatia in Asia Minor, and Bishop of Cyrenia in Cyprus. Perhaps this saint might serve as a model of fortitude in time of trial for the long-suffering Hyppos, whose young and inexperienced squad were surely doomed to a campaign of misery in World Cup 45.

During a time of persecution against Christians under the impious emperor Licinius, St Theodotus openly preached Christ, calling on the pagans to abandon idolatry and turn to the true God. Sabinus, the governor of Cyprus, ordered that Bishop Theodotus be arrested and brought to trial.

When he heard about this order, the saint did not wait for the soldiers to be sent after him, but immediately went to the governor saying, "I, whom you seek, am here. I have shown myself in order to preach Christ my God." Was this not like the Hyppos, who openly thrust themselves at the qualification stage, despite knowing the tortures that awaited them at the hands of higher-ranked squads?

The governor ordered that the saint be beaten without mercy, suspended from a tree, raked with sharp implements, and then be taken to prison. Surely the Hypocrians would feel much the same way after facing their group's top seeds for the first time.

Five days later St Theodotus was brought to the governor, who presumed that after his tortures the bishop would prefer to renounce Christ, rather than endure new sufferings - much as many believed that Hypocria would never return to the World Cup following their previous sufferings.

However, St Theodotus did not cease to preach about Christ. At first they put the saint on an iron grate, under which they lit a fire, and then hammered nails into his feet and let him go. Many witnessed the sufferings of the martyr. Astonished at the saint's endurance and his divinely-inspired speech, they came to believe in Christ. Learning of this, Sabinus gave orders to stop the torture and throw the saint into prison, much as the Hypocrian FA eventually decided to save their team from the endless torture of non-qualification by withdrawing from the tournament.

During the reign of St Constantine the Great, the freedom to confess their faith was given to all Christians, and among those set free from prison was St Theodotus. The saint returned to Cyrenia and continued to serve as bishop, much as after a long period of non-participation, the Hyppos have returned in glory to international sporting competition.

Perhaps, mused Fr. Anthony, the atheist Hypocrians could still be convinced to take St. Theodosius as their patron....

He resolved to send them an icon.

http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c58/Krytenia/thsdNEWS.png

Log On And Execute
By Rami Niblick in Stanton

THE World Cup qualifying tournament is almost upon us, and the Aces warmed up for an exciting Group Seven campaign by putting Logria to the sword at the Harbour Stadium. The Baptism of Fire semi-finalists were woefully out of their depth as Krytenia dismantled them, and the six-two scoreline, to be honest, flattered the visitors.

Darren Scotland started the scoring just four minutes into the match; Kiefer Lloyd, the fifteen-year-old midfield sensation, played through a slide-rule pass that got the better of Black and Bond in the Logrian defence, and Scotland slotted the ball past Glenn Money to open his World Cup 45 account. Krytenia kept the pressure on as the opening salvo continued, with Uriel Kennedy volleying narrowly over, Lloyd forcing a good save from Money, and then from the resulting corner, Nick Simpson crashed the ball against the bar. All this pressure eventually told, as Krytenia added a second; this time it was Kennedy who got his name on the scoresheet, heading home a Gary Navarro cross. The clock had still not reached fifteen minutes.

The Aces, now comfortably in the lead, slowed the pace of the game for the rest of the half. There was still plenty left in the tank, though, for the manic presence of Kiefer Lloyd, who danced through the visiting defence, stopped, saluted the keeper, and slotted home with his supposedly weaker right foot. We don’t know why he saluted Glenn Money either; please, no answers on a postcard.

Adam Toivonen rung the changes at half-time, in an attempt o blood some more of his new talent. Andrew Chekov, Bart Graves, Gordon Ormondroyd, and Alex Zander, came on for Juan Garcia, Robert Zelic, Nasser Isserson and Scotland respectively. The changes seemed to disrupt the home side’s flow early on, and Logria even managed to score as they took advantage of the situation. Peter Martin’s attempt at a cross was well blocked by Graves, but the corner that followed saw substitute John Woollingsby head home his first-ever international goal. Three-one, and the goal fired Krytenia back into life.

The second half, from that point, followed much in the same way as the first, with Kennedy and Zander peppering the goal with shots, and Lloyd proving a handful and a headache for the opposition until cramp ended his evening. This led to a senior debut for Will Bradic, whose first touch was a beautiful over-the-shoulder ball for Kennedy to chase; he did so, and slammed it home with a sweet right-footed volley.

Four became five soon after. This time, Ormondroyd was the creator; his ball found Zander at the far post; and though Money somehow managed to palm away his point-blank header, the rebound only went as far as Kennedy, who stretched his left foot out to complete his hat-trick to the delight of the home fans. Kennedy was born in Stanton, and to score three for his country in his home town was almost too much as he threw his shirt into the crowd (earning himself a yellow card, and a couple of minutes off the pitch to locate a new shirt).

The scoring didn’t end there, either. A free-kick led to Ormondroyd putting the home team six-one in front, before Robert Woollingsby added a consolation for Logria. It’s Starblaydia next, as the Aces make their debut in the Mike Sarzo Memorial Trophy. Should make for an exciting encounter.

Purple Knights Set For First Match

This qualifying campaign sees the Knights yet again treking all over the world to face off against some of the best and some off the wild cards in the world of Soccer. First up is the largely unknown team from Albundia who it seems has decided to not show there cards up front and wait until the beginning of the game on Friday to announce there roster. The Knights have been spending the last few weeks getting ready for there home opener and hopefully the game that launches yet another sucessfull trek to the world cup.

It's hard to believe that the Knights have been playing soccer for almost 20 years as they start there 17 pverall internationally recognised tournament including the World Cup Finals as extroverts. The Knihgts have been playing the most defensive soccer since they began and it is still hard to believe after showing the world how to do it that not many others are looking to turn south and go the defnesive route. Many teams especially the great ones seem to have a somewhat explosive offense, and a good enough defense and that is how they've done it for so long.

Taeshan has always been the land of the defense. It seems in every sport we play that are big idea is defense and we pound it into the other teams using it to our decisive advantage. Wether it be Soccer, Basketball, Football or Hockey we have always went the defensive way and maybe that is why we always seem to be contenders in the major events in many of these sports, but thus far great Soccering Strength. It may of course be due to the fact that teams who play Soccer are usually more consistent in staying around and the elite teams always seem to stay put. Valanora in fact has made it a living of being one of the best and in ther long years of playing have perfected the game and are way ahead of everyone else.

Now it will be a very long time untill the Knihgts are able to contend with the Elves, as it was shown in the past two qualifying campaigns we are not on the same level as the Elves, and there partners in crime Demot. Starblaydia recently took away yet another championship from the Elves, but tjhat is not a thing that will probally stay consistent. It seems that not only does it take luck to beat the great, but you need to be good enough yourself to challenge them. We are not as yet on that level, but while other teams knock on the door of greatness we can just hope to bring with us a little spice, and everything nice as we gain more mometum and one day we will challenge. Maybe not today, or tomoroow, but give it enough time and we will be a powerhouse to be feared.

(from the 'Sports' section of 'The Bear Necessities'...)


CAN WE QUALIFY? YES, WE CAN!

We can now give you the list of teams against whom the Bear-Belles are scheduled to play in the qualifying stage for the next World Cup, and our experts' analysis of the Belles' chances in this competition.
There are eighty national teams competing for just thirty places in the Cup itself, where they will be joined by the teams of the two host-nations 'Capitalizt Slani' and 'Demot' (both of which are highly rated for this sport, and could probably qualify anyway if they had to get in the hard way) and, as was the case for the previous World Cup, these teams have been drawn into ten groups of eight with the top three teams from each group after the qualifiers are completed being the ones who will go forwards to the actual Cup competition. The Belles have been drawn into Group #6, along with _

Dancougar _ This team of Humans is currently ranked at #10 overall, as compared to the Belles' #38... but on the only occasion when our teams have played against each other before now, which was during the 'group stage' of the last Cup (when their rankings were even farther apart, at #3 & #48 respectively), the Belles managed to hold their 'Black Wings' to a 1:1 draw; and they were the other team that, like the Belles, did not then get to progress to the next stage of that tournament. Have they regained their old form, or was their performance then part of a decline that will give the Belles a reasonable chance of actually beating them? Only time will tell, and the schedule has the Belles facing them on match-day 10 somewhere in Dancougar and then on match-day 13 back home at Plumtrees Park. It would have been nicer if those games were the other way around, so we would have started with the 'home advantage' and possibly used success then to build momentum for a better chance of winning 'away' too, but -- as the famous philosopher 'Berra' used to say -- "It ain't over until it's over".
Belles' projected results: Lose or maybe draw away, draw at home, for 1-2 points.

Qazox _ Another team of Humans, from a nation that's widely known for its interest in sporting activities, they are currently ranked at #20. The Belles have never played against them before, but apparently they have a solid record at qualifying for World Cups even if they've never actually managed to win one. The schedule has the Belles meeting them on match-day #4 for the 'away' leg and then on match-day #11 for the 'home' one: Yes, the Belles have to play their 'away' games before their 'home' ones against both of their highest-ranked opponents... What a challenge!
Belles' projected results: Lose away, draw or lose at home, for 0-1 points.

Kosovoe _ Still more Humans, their team is currently ranked at #27 and was the third "surprise" qualifier for the last Cup alongside Peisandros and the Belles themselves. Reports from reliable sources say that "when they're good they're really pretty good, but when they're bad they're hopeless". This time the Belles' schedule gives them their 'home' game first, on match-day #7, with the 'away' game on match-day #14... and it could well be the latter game, the Belles' very last of these qualifiers, that actually determines which of these two teams goes through to the Cup with the most probable group-topping pair of teams Dancougar and Qazox.
Belles' projected results: Win at home, draw or win away, for 4 or 6 points.

The Macabees _ And yet more Humans, ranked at #64 and thus considered to be the toughest amongst those of the teams in this group that have lower rankings than the Belles. We've never seen them play, but apparently they used to be classed more highly: Will they make their way back to the top in this contest, overtaking the Belles to do so just as the Belles overtook the teams of Myedvedeya, the Blouman Empire and Prux -- from an even lowlier position -- during the previous Cup, or does the diffference in current rankings accurately reflect the two teams' relative abilities? Having the first match against these opponents being at Plumtrees Park (on match-day #5) should hopefully give the Belles an extra edge, and victory for the Belles both then and in the re-match on day #12 seems a fairly resaonable expectation.
Belles' projected results: Win at home, win or draw away, for 4 or 6 points.

Bushdome _ Still more Humans, apparently, although they've yet to make their team's roster public and we don't know anything about their history. They're ranked at #85 which is just one place below the level from which the Belles went on to qualify last time, so they shouldn't be taken too lightly... but then, they aren't the Belles, after all. One advantage that they do have is that of being the 'home' team for our first match against them, on day #2, but that shouldn't be enough to save them from defeat either then or when they subsequently -- on day #9 -- come to Plumtrees Park.
Belles' projected results: Win or draw away, win at home, for 4 or 6 points.

Invisible Wabbits _ The only other non-human team in this group, as far as we know, and ranked at #118 following a rather mediocre performance in the latest 'Baptism of Fire'. Although they aren't visible to most people's eyes the same can't be said for their kit, so the Belles shouldn't have any trouble keeping track of them on the pitch. They're the Belles' very first opponents of this contest, with the day #1 match being at their home-ground of 'the Carrot Bowl' in Acme City and then the return match at Plumtrees Park on day #8.
Belles' projected results: Win, win, 6 points.

The McLaughlin Islands _ More humans again, the last team in the group, with a ranking of 145. They made their debut on the international Soccer scene at the latest 'Baptism of Fire', but didn't impress anybody then and don't impress anybody now. The Belles play against them at Plumtrees Park on day #3, and then travel to those opponent's island home for the rematch on day #10.
Belles' projected results: Win, win, 6 points.

So, overall, we here in the Sports section reckon that the Belles have a good chance of getting about 22-24 points which should be enough to take them to the World Cup again... probably with Dancougar and Qazox, from this group, with Kosovoe the likeliest other team to claim one of these three places instead.


Berri White (Sports Editor)


_________________________________________________________________________________________________


"And just why," Marra SunDaughter enquired of the assembled players, "is there a Bison tethered just behind the training pitch?"

It's World Cup time..again...and so, it's time for a song!

Midfield teen extraordinaire
Kiefer Lloyd! Kiefer Lloyd!
Wears his kit as underwear
Kiefer Lloyd! Kiefer Lloyd!

Rescues Ellisham F.C.
Kiefer Lloyd! Kiefer Lloyd!
But he’s got severe ADHD
Kiefer Lloyd! Kiefer Lloyd!

His brain's overloading
He’s run out of Rit-a-lin
Wide-eyed, loud and paranoid
Kiefer Lloyd! Kiefer Lloyd!

Check out Dexter Mughraz
Krytie scouting ace
The locals couldn’t kick a ball
So he turned to cyberspace
He found a vid of Kiefer Lloyd
Strong and super-quick
He drives defenders crazy
'Cause he's a lunatic!

His home is in Avidia
Kiefer Lloyd! Flat 12b!
Doesn’t like to cut his hair
Kiefer Lloyd! Can he see?

Rides in the back of his parent’s car
Kiefer Lloyd! Kiefer who?
Has a bedtime so he can’t go far
Kiefer he! Has curfew!

He's here to save the nation
So stay tuned to this station
If not, we won’t qualify

Kiefer Lloyd! Kiefer Lloyd!
Kiefer Lloyd!!!

Greali World Cup Qualifying Schedule
MD1: Greal VS Daehanjeiguk
MD2: Greal VS Candelaria And Marquez
MD3: Greal VS Mo Land 3
MD4: Greal VS Achtervolging
MD5: Greal VS Cassadaigua
MD6: Greal VS Taeshan
MD7: Greal VS Albundania
MD8: Greal VS Daehanjeiguk
MD9: Greal VS Candelaria And Marquez
MD10: Greal VS Mo Land 3
MD11: Greal VS Achtervolging
MD12: Greal VS Cassadaigua
MD13: Greal VS Taeshan
MD14: Greal VS Albundania

Greal announces World Cup Qualifying Schedule

The Greali team will be playing some familiar and unfamiliar teams during the qualifying schedule. Coach Ross Trent assured the public that there's a better chance of qualifying for the World Cup now, of course he advised caution. Some of these teams Greal has never played before. The first game is up against Daehanjeiguk. A familiar foe whom Greal has played a few times before. After that would be Candelaria And Marquez and so on.

Daehanjeiguk: Probably the strongest team in the group. Tehy'll be tough, but we've improved remarkably since playing the Han Empire. Who knows? Maybe we'll actually win. Greali soccer experts advise caution and a little defensive, but please be OPTIMISTIC.

Greali Weather Service reports cloudy skies, but no rain, so the Greali team will be in highs spirits today. Television Service estimates hundreds of millions of viewers, possibly even a billion will be watching the match between the two tough teams. Seats are sold out already, and there are media reports the president of Greal himself may watch the match.

------------------------------------------

"I predict a narrow loss."

"How much?"

Five hundred. Square okay?"

"Fine, and you Joe?"

"Outright win. What is life without risks?"

"How much?"

"Eight hundred."

"That's a lot, did you get a raise."

"Yeah, my boss finally did it...after three years of pleading."

"Thats alright, if you win, you'll get double the money back, so good luck."

"What are you betting Roger?"

"A draw. I'm cautious, but our team is really good. Who knows?"

"I hope we qualify."

"You hope? The ENTIRE COUNTY hopes it. I wish for it."

"The entire country has is really eager to see it happen."

"Yeah, where are we watching the map against the Han players?"

"At the bar, one block down the street."

"You mean Womer Arms?"

"Yeah, that's the one."

World Cup 45 Qualification - Group 7
MD1: @ Starblaydia [2] (@ somewhere)
MD2: vs Dariusville [61] (@ Allemenschen National Football Stadium, Allenheim)
MD3: @ Gariano (@ eep!)
MD4: vs The Holy Empire [19] (@ Allemenschen National Football Stadium, Allenheim)
MD5: @ Krytenia [26] (@ eep eep!)
MD6: @ Legendar (@ EEP!)
MD7: vs Green Wombat [37] (@ Allemenschen National Football Stadium, Allenheim)
MD8: vs Starblaydia [2] (@ Allemenschen National Football Stadium, Allenheim)
MD9: @ Dariusville [61] (@ eep EEP!)
MD10: vs Gariano [UNK] (@ Allemenschen National Football Stadium, Allenheim)
MD11: @ The Holy Empire [19] (@ somewhere in your dreams)
MD12: vs Krytenia [26] (@ Allemenschen National Football Stadium, Allenheim)
MD13: vs Legendar [UNK] (@ Allemenschen National Football Stadium, Allenheim)
MD14: @ Green Wombat [37] (@ EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!...)


President Koryatsky was perhaps the only person in the country who was happy that those wretched purple-stinging nellies lost their match against Edward City in the final BoF match. That was only so he could officially and legitimately field a team of non-purple-stinging nellies (that is, the androids). But he ran into trouble immediately while trying to manage that program.

"The team of androids is in competition with the nellies, again," Kowak said, almost as an aside.

"Again?" Koryatsky yelled. "Didn't we already tell them that they could only play if they won the BoF?"

"Yes."

"And didn't they lose it it?"

"Yes."

"So why are they still complaining?"

"Because they really want to play."

Koryatsky slapped his face in disbelief. Those stubborn nellies were going to fight with him again over a petty disagreement over who should and who shouldn't play for the national team? This was mutiny!

"I'm going to go to [U]WAR with these damned nellies, if it means nuking every single one of them!"

"You've already tried that, and then you got cheesed."

"Oh... really. Well, we'll try more subtle means of nuking them."

"Nuking isn't usually very subtle," Kowak said, reminding him of the last attempt. "I'd imagine just letting those nellies play would be much better for everyone, rather than trying to go against nature."

"Going against nature?" Koryatsky yelled at the top of his lungs. "For crying out loud, people [U]MARRY these damned buggers!"

"Well, you certainly are crying out loud..."

Koryatsky retired to himself, reclining on his chair. He had to come up with a plan to keep the nellies from playing football. He had to come up with a plan to uproot the nellies from Allemenschen altogether. He had to come up with a plan that wouuld make them disappear from the world. He had to come up with a plan to eat something, because his tummy was grumbling.

"What if we ate them?"

"Eating purple-stinging nellies, sir?" Kowak replied. "I'm not sure if you thought that one through properly."

"But you see, if we eat them, then we can get rid of them!"

"Begging your pardon, but I'm still not sure you thought that one through. Eating nellies means touching them. Plus, you'd be setting an industry of purple-stinging nellies for food. That's not the best way to get rid of them."

"Hmmm, you're right... what about deporting them?"

"To where? There isn't a country that would take the buggers. Besides that, people love purple-stinging nellies as pets."

Koryatsky had to come up with a better plan. Kowak had an alternative. "You know, why not focus your attention on trying to make up to the nellies, instead of constantly making war with them? They're here to stay, you know."

"Maybe so... but what if we're not?"

"Again, you're not thinking this through, sir."

"But I mean, we could move our country and let the purple-stinging nellies stay here! That way, they be happy, and I'm happy!"

"I think you need to move. Because you're the only person I know who's afraid of these buggers."

"But isn't it creepy though? They just appear from nowhere, and then they're all over you! They're like the uninvited guest who steals your chair from under you! They're like that annoying co-worker who manages to spoil anyone's day. They're like the ubiquitous pestilence that comes and goes as it please. They're like..."

"They're on your pants, sir."

"They're WHAT?" At that instant, Koryatsky darted off in the opposite direction, shaking at his legs to shake off the nellies. Of course, Kowak was lying when he said that, but he was getting tired of Koryatsky telling him all of that non-sense. It was the most efficient way to get rid of him, and it worked like a charm.

Elven Public Broadcasting
Currently Airing ~ Special Press Coverage of The High Priestess Temple

"... and as you can see behind me, the High Priestess herself has come out of the Temple proper, and onto the balcony. It appears as if she is preparing to give a speech of some sorts, with the consensus being that it will pertain to severed connection to Elune and the lethargy that has gripped the country. It's been over six months now since that fateful day, and no matter what any group, be it fanatical or rational, has done, that connection has not been reestablished.

And she is beginning to speak!"

As the lady in her long, silk, and pure white robes motioned for the assembled crowd, the world was allowed a rare glimpse at the High Priestess' fine features. Normally only those inside the house of the Great Leader and those inside the priesthood ever saw her, except on those rare occasions where her services were needed for a public event. Knowing the custom of her seclusion put a hush over the media and the citizens gathered at the edge of Mt. Sumarja's base when she put up her hands.

"Friends, loved ones, followers of the faith, and the world, we are on the edge of yet another blade in our history. It is an odd thing to find ourselves in such a situation soo soon after The Tides of Darkness, but here we are. Our deity has supposedly forsaken us, by severing her very connection to her people, and have left us without our source of power in the Godwell. It's normally crystal clear waters have long since turned a murky gray, and the call to Elune from her children has not been answered in six months. There have been sacrifices, numerous prayers, and other actions by the populace in order to have her heed our call once more, and all have been turned aside, unanswered.

Until today, for but a brief moment I was able to make contact with Elune, and was able to receive instruction from her. While the message itself was encrypted, the idea behind it was crystal clear. It has become quite obvious that with the reemergence of the lost Elves of the Starblaydi, that we have strayed too far from the true path our our race. We were created by the Unspoken Ones in the image of perfection, a perfection that has turned sour during our time here in the dying lands. We do not strive for success because we are perfect and wish to show the world our perfection, we do so out of a will to dominate those who would be our competitors. This approach to everything from sport, to politics, to cultural has steered our people far too wrong, and Elune has decreed to remain silent until we can find our balance, our true path once more.

The first step in this Renaissance is to cast aside our human names, the names we have adopted to be more recognized in our will to dominate. Already those on the national football team have been christened with their native elven names again. The next step will be upon the individual to change their ways in the approach to life. It will be a subtle change, as on a day to day basis, we have remained the closest resemblance to the true path through sacrificing the need of the one for the whole. There will be something innate that each of us will need to rediscover if Elune is to once again here the call of her children. Lastly, and most importantly, we must commune again with nature. While advancement has made us a respected society, we have lost our communion with the earth, something that is a staple in Elunism.

The road ahead will be a trying one indeed, but if we can find the will to do so, we will come out of the gauntlet all the stronger. This is not something that we can cast aside and hope our neighbors take up, each and every elf in this country must endeavor to this task, and then we must hope that Elune has decided we have proven ourselves once again worthy of her love."

End Broadcast.

“I'm bored!” The Emperor said, after kicking an in-use plant-pot out of the window. “There's NOTHING to do!” He shouted, continuing his sudden rage against anything that reminded him of pot-pourri.

“You could pick on the minority groups?” The Empress mentioned, trying to help.

“Nah, I've had enough cover-ups for one month.”

“That's not what the old lady with the binoculars said yesterday.”

“She shouldn't have been admiring my architecture!”

“I am SO not going to answer that.” The Empress said, and walked out.

The Emperor turned to look at his advisor, Haelwen, who had just come into the room with a new lawsuit.

“Emperor, maybe you could explain to the lovely folk what the Beckenberg National Academy is, rather than kick plant-pots over the balcony at them.”

“Who was it this time?”

“The old lady who was blinded by the architecture of the Castle.”

“..her again? She's creepy.” The Emperor stated. “Anyway, the Beckenberg National Academy takes the brightest football stars from Bostopia's youth teams and trains them up during the summers where they're not in compulsory education, then when they finish school, they get trained up for the next two years until they're 18 and released to football teams across Bostopia for proper match experience, as the academy teams only really play each other and then other friendly fixtures against the U18 teams of the other clubs in the region.”

“But why are they being used for the National Team, Emperor?”

“It's part of the Collick Plan, use the best youngsters as soon as possible, usually 16, to give them plenty of international experience, making them, hopefully, international world beaters.”

“Ok. What batch is this?”

“The third. Though the first time, Collick used 5 year olds.”

“5 year olds?”

“Yes, 5 year olds. Went rather ok, to be honest. They ended up winning the CoH at their second attempt.”

“So it's a proven success?”

“Somewhat, they've never been in the CoH since the one after they won, because they ended up qualifying for World Cups 36 through 39.”

“Top stuff.”

“Yep.”

“So, third time lucky?”

“I hope so.” The Emperor said, before striking a deep-thinking-man's pose and staring out of the window.

Dancougar News!!
Crying over failing unit tests.

Rockets hold trophy in six-goal spectacular: It's getting to the point where any Dancougar fan would be happy if Newmanistan would give them the bird. Well, the Bird on Skates, anyway. The Rockets held firm to the trophy by drawing the Wings 3-3 in Yuki City. The Rockets have traditionally given the Wings a hard time in the challenge cup, and while the new-look offense seems to be in working order, the defense will have plenty of game tape to pour over after failing to hold onto an early two-goal lead. The Rockets are now unbeaten in three straight against the Wings, including the opening match of Oxen Cup 9, with the last Dancougar victory coming 4-1 on the final day of World Cup 43 qualifying.

It looked like the Wings were on course to take the trophy back, though, in front of a sold-out National Stadium in which patches of blue and white could be found amonst the sea of black Horrible Hand-Towels. Coach Shigeru Takeuchi wanted to make a good impression in his first match at the helm, as this tournament's Black Wing lineup features the widest selection of domestic talent since World Cup 40, the last time that college players were used in the lineup. D-League officials are hoping that the national team will still be able to compete at a high level and give the league broader international exposure in a world dominated by more powerful leagues from nations like Elves Security Forces, Cafundeu, and Commerce Heights. The concentration of D-Leaguers also added some fuel to the immediate matchup. Three Newmanistan starters and one sub also play in the D-League, to go with nine and six for the Wings, so there were some personal rivalries on full display.

The big question mark for the Wings coming into the game would be the performance of the offense. In place of the experienced Dan Potts and Shishio Jinguuji were the relatively untested Augustine Dennin and Stefan Rosberg. Ten years separate the forwards, although when it comes to national team scoring prowess, they stand on equal terms with one goal each. A lot of people thought that Karen Stadler should be starting in Rosberg's place, but he silenced them just 12 minutes into the game. After a cautious buildup, Rosberg received a pass from Lyle Dylandy and simply exploded through a gap in the defense. The quick acceleration provided him with the space he needed to beat Chris Kusler, putting the Wings up 1-0 and putting his opponents on notice.

Dennin was not to be outdone, but it would require more brilliance from Dylandy to set the table. Newmanistan had been playing him carefully early in the half to avoid getting burned. They're used to starting players in their upper thirties, while Dancougar seems to have some kind of aversion to it. Worries that Dylandy was going to slow the defense down were quickly erased when he reminded Scott LaFave, only four years his junior, what happens when you keep your eyes on the man instead of the ball. Dylandy pulled the ball back with his right foot and LaFave overran the play, and when Kyle Carrigan arrived as backup, Dylandy danced into the clear with a powerful spurt. He slid a low ball across the face of goal to an oncoming Dennin, who tapped home to make it 2-0. It hadn't been twenty minutes but already both forwards were on the board and cruising.

"It definitely felt good to get that early goal," said Dennin. "At this level, you absolutely need to get into a rhythm. After seeing what Shiro [Furuya] did last time, I don't see why I can't come on just as strong. That was his one chance, and now it's my turn."

The Wings started to play more aggressively to try and bury the game under their momentum. Alexei Voronzoff, continually lurking at the top of the eighteen, had a chance to put in number three in the 24th, but his strike bent wide of goal. Part of the gameplan was to unsettle Billy Prescott in the midfield. It was already apparent that Prescott was going to have to answer a lot of questions as a first-time starter, given his famous father. Dylandy made him a non-factor in the first half, and a rough challenge in the 31st minute left him sputtering on the pitch. Leave it to the veterans, though, to keep their cool under fire. The venerable Jeremy McAllister helped pull his team one back ten minutes before halftime. He found Brett Carlson creeping forward and Carlson did the rest. He twisted around Doug Edrington and got Luke Brengle to come his way. Brengle threw himself as Carlson's feet intending to block the shot, but Carlson one-upped Dylandy's maneuver with a jog to the side, giving him an open goal to make it 2-1.

In the second half, the Wings survived an early press by the Rockets and went back for the third. They continued to work on Prescott's side of the field with a few overlapping runs, but the team sorely missed Jinguuji in the box. Rosberg got a head to a Dylandy cross in the 50th but knocked it well over the goal. A few minute later, though, Prescott finally took control of the game. Dylandy received a breakout pass from Joseph Cecilia and he sprinted into open space with Voronzoff and Dennin bursting upfield as passing options. Prescott used an extra burst of speed to chase Dylandy down and threw himself at the ball. He knocked the ball out of play before sending Dylandy sprawling on the pitch. The fans in blue erupted as the referee merely whistled for a throw-in while the Newmanistan defense pulled back.

"It just wouldn't be Rockets and Wings without a Prescott destroying me, I guess," said Dylandy after the game. "He still lacks some of his dad's subtle technique, but the strength is definitely there."

Prescott had the crowd on its feet again in the 60th minute when he found McAllister with a cross. Cecilia had good positioning on the striker, but McAllister was just stronger in the air. He nodded it powerfully past Brengle, who could only throw his hands up and fall backwards as the ball crashed into the top of the goal. Rosberg's inexperience began to show when he took a golden opportunity in the 64th to retake the lead and delayed his shot to get the ball on his right foot, which gave Jeremy Brooker time to knock the ball out of play. It only took a few more minutes for McAllister to put his mark squarely on the match. This goal was vintage J-Mac, with powerful strides through the defense and a shot over Edrington's outstretched tackle. At 3-2, Takeuchi could only shake his head.

"For the first twenty, maybe thirty minutes we were in complete control of the game and the ball was going exactly where we wanted it," said Takeuchi. "Then the Rockets started making some plays and I think we got a little frustrated. The defense was playing too far off their forwards so was facing too many shots that should have been closed down."

McAllister came close to a hat trick in the 73rd off an Alex Parnett through ball, but this time Brengle came up huge. McAllister aimed for the near post but Brengle had the perfect angle to punch the ball wide from ten yards away. Casey Berber was brought on for Matt Bogart to shore up the central defense, and after that, the Wings restored some of their attacking swagger. Dylandy was not about to let the young Prescott outdo him. After receiving a pass on the wing from Dan Florentino, he took Prescott out with an ankle-breaking step-over cut. He angled his run and fired a square ball back to Florentino, who connected from 20 yards away with a laser that curled away from Kusler for the equalizer. It was Florentino's first notable contribution of the match, although he did play fairly efficient football in the middle with Dwayne Landro.

Both teams went for the winner in the last ten minutes, and Dancougar were unlucky not to get one in the 86th minute when Rosberg missed a point-blank header. He met a hard cross from Voronzoff with the side of his head and he directed it downward to make it hard for Kusler to reach, but it hit the grass and bounced over the bar.

[B]Group favorites to clash in opener: Dancougar and Qazox will headline group six action as the Phoenix travel to Yuki City to open qualification for World Cup 45.

Although it won't hurt too much for either team to lose a match with plenty of other points on offer, Dancougar coach Shigeru Takeuchi would like to get his national team career off to a winning start. He watched as his Black Wings gave up a two-goal lead against the Newmanistan Rockets in their traditional pre-qualifying friendly, and he knows his shaky defense will face an even tougher challenge against the Qazox offense.

"They were very strong in the previous tournament and it's going to be important that we don't end up in a situation where we have to play from behind," said Takeuchi. "We had to do that against Newmanistan, but there's going to be a different pressure on the players this time."

That pressure showed during the first part of the second half, when the Rockets took completely control of the game and exposed the weaknesses of the defense to score the tying and go-ahead goals. Stefan Rosberg had chances to stop the bleeding and get the Wings back on the board, but the concentration he showed on his early goal was completely gone.

"I felt like I had to make a play, so I forced some bad shots," Rosberg said.

Two Black Wings to watch will be starting midfielder Christian Chojnacki and backup forward Hiromasa Nagasawa. The two play for FC Takano 1983, where Qazox coach Raul de Olivares continues to play forward when he's not stuck with administrative duties for the Phoenix. He'll play a league game on Sunday before the midweek qualifier, and his unique vantage point gives him inside scouting information not only on Chojnacki and Nagasawa, but likely on several other D-Leaguers.

Starting XI: Brengle; Bogart, Cecilia, Edrington; Chojnacki, Dylandy, Florentino, Landro, Voronzoff; Dennin, Rosberg
Substitutes: Komarov; Berber, Samrov; Kaizuka, McNespy; Nagasawa, Stadler

Matchday 1 Results (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14566227&postcount=3)

Kara: Hello, I'm Kara Kool.
Nikki: And I'm Nikki Seabourne ... AND THIS IS THE FOOTBALL LIFE
Kara: And this is not the other Nikki Seabourne who worked for JGN.
Nikki: That's my mother she's talking about.

Kara: Taeshan turned in Jeruselem to kick off their campaign and got send home beaten by the Princesses 3-1
Nikki: Yes, a first win for pink and blue.
Kara: It's a new look sort of team with some new faces and no Sallad girls.
Nikki: But we have two Dallas girls in team still.

Kara: And the usual lots of children of former players
Nikki: Like me, Pups and of course them Dallas girls.
Kara: And then my cousin Sally as well as Jenny Sloane's sister Joanne.
Nikki: It's all about family in Jeruselem.

Kara: Normally, Marie would be here but she's breastfeeding at the moment.
Nikki: She sure eats a lot.
Kara: She's got to provide milk for two kids.
Nikki: It's amazing she doesn't put on a lot of weight.

Kara: Let's review the groups 10 and 4.
Nikki: Jeruselem in draw in Group 10 with other favourites Ad'ihan and Kelssek.
Kara: Other potential qualifiers are the Blouman Empire and Nethertopia.
NikkI: Lecland, Wing Wang woo and Patetopia are the teams least expected to qualify.

Kara: No Elves or Purple people in this group, thank God.
Nikki: In Group 4, Jeru FC coached by the good Count face a hard task.
Kara: Yes, some bunch of Elves are here.
Nikki: The other threats to Jeru FC are Secristan, Jasi'yun and ...

Kara: Koseli Cumhuriyetler
Nikki: Who?
Kara: It's a team name, not a person.
Nikki: Oh ... OK

Kara: Logria, and San Castello make up the rest along with Forn Parts?
Nikki: Forn Parts? Sounds like a movie about Jeruselem.
Kara: I'm sure that Kara Keeley woman will be in that movie.
Nikki: We all know who that is.

Kara: Well, stay tuned for our reports after each game.
Nikki: Yeah ... see you all later.

"Good evening, and welcome to the Queensland Road Stadium here in sunny Palliston. We witness history tonight, as Logria take on Jasiyun in their first ever World Cup qualifying match."

7th minute
"Bond sending a hopeful ball forward - only finds a red shirt though, and the Jasiyun team really keeping control of the game early on. Here's Han Jugun, good ball forward...and Ha Sonji beats Black's tackle! Real chance here...oh, Ha hits the post and it's out for a goal kick! Almost the opener there, and the visiting team from Paripana really showing their class early on!"

23rd minute
"Ha Sonji. Can't beat Bond, but plays it back to Gay. Out wide, now, to Cwe Sanjun. Bit of space here...and he's nutmegged Wood! Cutting outside now...despairing tackle from Black but it's a corner!"

24th minute
"Corner to Jasiyun. Inswinger....goal!!! Bullet header from Juan Gay and the visitors have the lead! Silence around Queensland Road here, but the six thousand away fans are bouncing as Jasiyun break down the Swans' defence at last!"

42nd minute
"Here comes Stella Taylor...looking to get past Black but that's a good firm tackle the - oh! The referee is pointing to the spot! That did not look like a foul there, and the West Zirconian official is surrounded by a sea of gold shirts! He's waving them away...but it's a yellow card for Rob Black."

"Taylor will take the penalty then. Spots the ball. One, two, three paces back. Runs up...SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVE! GLENN MONEY PUSHES IT OUT, AND HOOKED AWAY BY APPLEBY! This game is not over!"

45th minute (+3)
"There's the half-time whistle, it's been a real litmus test for Logria here, but the defence is holding firm, and it's the home side who'll be happier with the scoreline as it stands. It's Logria nil, Jasiyun one."

62nd minute
"A rare break now for Logria. Here comes Martin...but he's lost it, the ball runs loose to Adam Miller. Now Round. Back to Miller. Quick run, and it's forward to Harris. Laid square for Woolingsby...good save by Brandon King though!"

66th minute
"Jasiyun pouring forward again...cross from the right by Cwe Sanjun but straight into the arms of Money. Quick throw finds Round in space! Direct stuff now, forward for Bowes...still Bowes....shot from distance - yeeeeees! RONNIE BOWES!!! Would you believe it, it's Logria one, Jasiyun one!!! Suuu-perb!"

88th minute
"Logria looking more confident with every passing minute. Bowes on the edge of the box now, but back to goal...finds support from Miller, shoots! Save from King...BUT THAT IS WOOLLINGSBY!!!! TWO-ONE LOGRIA!!! TWO-ONE LOGRIA!!! Somebody pinch me!!!"

90th minute (+4)
"Maybe one more chance for Jasiyun? Here's Jan Gansan...and that's the final whistle! Logria have beaten Jasiyun in their first ever World Cup match!!!"

Saint Nash Courier
If you haven't heard it before, It's News to you!
SPORTS
Pheonix romp over Dancougar

A 5-2 beatdown of Dancougar, at National Stadium, Yuki City, Dancougar, has Qazox atop of Group 6 for the moment.

Three goals, by Angel Kenworthy, a new debut record for Qazox; paced the rout as the Pheonix held a 3-1 lead at the half. Kenworthy just missed tying a team record when he opened the scoring in the 3rd minute, of a long pass from Ivy Habib, and out-raced Joseph Cecilia to the ball. Luke Brengle was unprepared for the shot and it was 1-0 Qazox, and the game had barely started.

Augustine Dennin tied the match up at 1-1 in the 19th minute, following a series of passes from Christian Chojnacki, Dan Florentino and Alexei Voronzoff. The tie would not last long as Kenworthy would make it 2-1 Phoenix after a corner kick from Cornelia Fuston was deflected right to Kenworthy, who blistered one past Brengle. Up 2-1 Qazox continued to press forwards and were rewarded in the 41st minute when Brent Folks knocked home a loose rebound to make it 3-1 Qazox at the half.

Early in the second half, Qazox made it 4-1 on a goal from Matilda Swords i the 53rd minute. Swords got behind Doug Edrington on a indirect kick and slipped right into the left corner, causing Shigeru Takeuchi to pull Luke Brengle in favor of Artur Komarov. Dancougar would cut the lead to 4-2 on a goal by Stefan Rosberg in the 62nd minute, when Rosberg streaked past a fallen Brett Munford on a pass from Dennin.

With the game mostly in hand, Raul de Olivares pulled a couple of startes off, Reginald Gillispie and Bernette Swinson (subbed for Lizzie Filippi and Nathaniel McChristian). After the Rosberg goal, each team batteld back and forth in the midfield, with niether side gaining much of an advantage. In the 80th minute, Kenworthy broke free and was found by a Lizzie Filippi pass and juked Artur Komarov enough to score his hat-trick. The game ended with a bit of shoving by both sides, but it wasn't serious enough to card anyone.

Now Qazox heads home to take on Kosovoe, one of other main challanger in the group, at Champions Field, Qazox City next week.


Scoring Summary:
Qazox:
Angel Kenworthy 3: 3', 27', 80'
Brent Folks: 41'
Matilda Swords: 53'

Dancougar:
Augustine Dennin: 19'
Stefan Rosberg: 62'

Myedvedeyans Score Surprise First Victory

The Myedvedeyan International Football Squad, in their first international match since the Civil War, scored a stunning victory over world number 13 side Lovisa. The Bears, although out of practice, have matured since their last tournament, and it showed in their play against the skilled Lovisans. They managed to hang with the powerful side in terms of possession, while playing an uncharacteristically strong defensive game, and holding Lovisa to a shutout. Coach Vladimir Sergyevitch Bagration had this to say about the squad's performance:

"This match was a great example of how our boys should play at all times. We were, as always, at least as fast and fit as their opponents, and we really managed to hold our defense together, which has always been a weakness of ours. I believe that if we continue to play like we did today, we could conceivably qualify for the World Cup proper this year."

The first half began with a powerful attack from the Lovisans, as they attempted to frighten the lower-ranked side with their formidable offensive prowess. Defender Ivan Mizin made a few spectacular tackles, and young David Ben Dayan made a clearance off the line, allowing the bears to avoid falling behind in the early game. The KGB's attack managed to rear their heads in the 15th minute, as Aloyoshenka Vorotaev fired a rocket of a strike, which curled just around the left post. The Lovisans nearly scored in the 23rd, but Boris Bykovsky made a fantastic save to his left, earning massive cheers from the 220,000 strong Myedvedeyan crowd at the Krakovsky Stadion. In the 30th, Alexander Rozhdestvensky centered a beautiful ball for captain Nikolai Dolohov, who drove it powerfully towards the lower left corner, only to have it ricochet off the posts and away. The half ended with no more events of consequence, and the score stood at Nil-Nil.

In the second, the Myedvedeyans pushed forward powerfully at the beginning, spurred on by the renewed fervor of the fans. In the 47th, their prayers were answered, as young Sasha Karbonenko went one-on-one with the Lovisan keeper, finishing beautifully to the lower-right. The Myedvedeyans nearly made it two four minutes later, but Vorotaev's second purposeful drive of the match was denied by a defender's last minute diving clearance. Lovisa applied considerable pressure for the rest of the match, and nearly scored in both the 61st and the 73rd, requiring fantastic play by Mr. Bykovsky to keep the three points for the Bears. The match concluded like this, giving the Myedvedeyans a surprise victory, and a huge morale-booster going into the remaining matches of qualifying.

Myedvedeya's next match is away at Yafor 2, the highest ranked nation in the group, in what should be an interesting contest.

Myedvedeya-1
S.Karbonenko '47

Lovisa-0

Akbarabad off to a winning start.


(Akbarabad Press, AP): The Akbarabad national team have opened their world cup qualifying campaign with a comfortable 2-0 victory at the Akbarabad National Stadium over low ranked Govindia. Goals came in either half from Zahid Mohammed and Samin Akbar, as the national side have looked to finally rectify the self-inflicted handicap of dropping points to lower ranked teams. The victory also leaves them temporarily at the top of Group 3. Their next match is away to Septentrionia, who have already lost their opening game and will probably be looking for blood in this match.


Akbarabad-2
(Zahid Mohammed '22, Samin Akbar '71)

Govindia-0

Purple Knights Win Opener

With a One to Nothing win yesterday the Knights started there 8th World Cup Qualification campaign on a high spot. The Knights defeated there fatefull opponents Albundia in front of just under 200,000 people on X Island at the Metropark. In unsuprising fashion the Knights kept it lowscoring only getting one goal in the net, but Tad Montague was able to shut down the Albundian attack and the Knights started the year of with 3 points.

The game was yet another sleeper as the Knights looked again to show there age by toying with the Albundian defenders letting them get close and then just passing it off to a teamate. As assists go Taeshan is high up on the teamwork list. A. F. Falcon would get one today when he slammed the ball into the waiting chest of Brian Ying Uing in the 65th minute. Ying Uing as he had many times before in his life slipped past all but on of the defenders and he easily nutmegged past him and shot the ball nicely into the top right corner and scored the winning goal. Much credit is due though two Montague and his defense who kept the Albundians of the lights.

Next on th elist is the first game of the age old Daehanjeiguk VS Taeshan rivalry game this year, and for the second time in the series history the two teams were drawn into one group and it will be a big year of friendly competitivness. Both teams know they're good enough to make it, but the each like to put a small dent in there friendly foes and defy what they want. The game to be played deep within the land that is Daehanjeiguk, will be a really exciting show of the game and many predict it to have a lasting affect on this year.

Blue Tornado Win Opner

As is unsuprising when you take on a team as lowly as the McLaughin Islands the Tornado easily swept away a younger, less civilised bunch of interbreeding pubes noone in there right mind would ever visit. As it is the Tornado were at home an security was tight as no one wants to see one of these hillbilly fans of theres attacking one of ar supportive Citizens. The Tornado were also wearing protective gear so if any of the McLaughin players got close enought the players could easily get away from these incestant idiots. In the end the Tornado would easily triumph 3-1. Nes is Qazox, and as they are known to be loyal to our disgusting overlords of Taeshan it seems that the Tornado will be playing some more barbarians in the days to come.

"Sir? Umm, it isn't good." The attendant was nervous, afraid of what would happen. He was just the messenger though.

"What is it fool?" The President was not in a good mood. He motioned ever so slightly to his assistant who nodded.

"Well, he umm, escaped."

"Escaped?"

"Yes sir."

"And now, you idiot, pray tell me how it happened." Again he motioned towards the assistant. This time the gun was brought out.

"We aren't to sure just yet sir. It was during ---"

"Right, dispose of that body and get me someone who fucking knows something."

The problems had started for the President earlier in the day, when a prisoner had escaped from a low-level security prison in Delphi. Not usually something that would trouble the President, but when that prisoner decides to exact revenge on every member possible of the Peisandros National Police Force, well, it becomes quite an issue. He wouldn't usually kill messengers bringing bad news, but he really wasn't in a good mood. The fact that the prisoner had escaped from custody again, well, you can imagine. Standing, he surveyed the streets of the upper class suburb where his private office was. He enjoyed being out here, away from the hustle and bustle of the Executive Office. It was far more secluded and quiet.

Only three police had been murdered, but with the lunatic on the loose again, that number could easily be much higher already. It was a worry, but he was confident the Special Forces would find the man quickly and deal to it. If not, well, he didn't want to think negatively.

"Maria. Come." His secretary shuffled in, head down.

"Yes sir?"

"Call Alex. Let him know I'm coming now. Get the car organised."

"Okay sir."

President John Catalinoff lingered in his office after Maria left. This was his roughest period in office. Five years of economic growth, lower crime rates, more people in schools and universities, approval ratings through the roof. But the last month saw the approval rates plummet, crime balloon, teachers striking and crime becoming virtually normal. He was struggling. Advisors offered little hope and all the while the country was continuing on it's downward spiral. Where to now? Who should he turn to? Perhaps Alex was the last resort. If Alex didn't have any advice, John would be pretty lost and may have to turn to the Colonels and Generals.

The opening match loss to Yafalonia and Bazor 2 was only the beginning for Brian Wilson.

After giving his speech to the team in an effort to exhort a better effort from his charges after a dismal performance, one in which he benched goalkeeper Cody Taylor and heeded assistant manager Chris Hannan's advice to play a three-forward lineup to no avail, he sat down with his head in his hands.

He couldn't help replaying Miso Kite's eighth minute strike in his head. It was a shot that handcuffed Taylor and immediately caused the small contingent of Stars supporters to forget about their 4:0 dismantling of Hypocria in the inaugural match for the new Iron Bowl in Portland.

Three minutes later, Racheal Kneal made it 2:0 Yafalonia and Bazor 2 following a clinical finish. She pantomimed a strip tease in front of Stars midfielder Laura Grover, whom she beat for the goal. Grover had made an intemperate remark about Kneal's goal celebrations, calling it "bad for the game." Grover had to restrain defender Spencer Hicks, who looked as though he might take a swing at Kneal.

The bad blood only continued when Hicks drew a red card from a Taeshani referee for a takedown of Kneal inside the 18-yard box in the 27th minute. Wilson protested that Hicks went for the ball, but the referee wasn't listening. Following the match, Hicks told Woodstock Daily Mail reporter Travis West he was going for the ball.

"It's ridiculous," Hicks said. "Why would I want to commit that kind of foul inside our box when we're already down two-nil?"

It didn't matter. Midfielder Daris Caollan converted from the spot to give Yafalonia and Bazor 2 the final goal of the match and Wilson one major headache. When he finally decided to gather his things and take a quick shower in the coach's shower facility, he saw something that made his stomach turn. Midfielders George Morrison and Tim Rodney were still in the locker room. Naked. Doing something Wilson wished he'd never seen.

When the two men heard Brian Wilson's footsteps, they panicked and tried to gather their clothes. Before either man could try to explain matters, Wilson cut them both off.

"I can't believe this," he said. "If you're going to do ... that, wait 'till we get to the team hotel. But out here, in the locker room? I can't believe it. Just ... uh, I don't know. Get out of here. But get dressed first!"

Embarrassed, the two men complied. Shaking his head, Brian Wilson walked to the shower stall. He looked at the levers, one saying H and the other saying C. He turned the lever with the letter C on it all the way. It was perfectly symbolic of a disasterous day for Wilson. Not just in a football sense, but now he had the makings of a massive scandal on his hands. One that the Woodstock Daily Mail in its more salacious period likely would have eaten up.

"Why? Why the fuck does this shit have to happen to me?" Wilson screamed as the cold water cascaded onto his body. It was already a long night.

Jeruselem Government News

Football Mum Marie proves she's no fatty

Nethertopia came to Jeruselem to face off the Princesses at Dazza Dallas Stadium. The Princesses lead by real life princess Marie-Antoinette Dallas faced real contender for qualification from Group 10. Many doubted it was a good idea to put a new Mum on the field with her fitness issues and lack of real training on the field so early. Marie wasn't at her best, and was rather quiet for most of the game with match fitness lacking catching upto her.

In the first half, the Princesses seemed a bit flat and the Nethertopia team took advantage leading 2-1 at the break. Jeruselem keeper Kaz had a busy time dealing with threats from all directions including colliding with Sadie Dallas who isn't tjhe brighest member of the team. It could have been a lot more goals against the Princesses but for the plucky Oksana "Pups" Ferris who seemed to a bit of human shield coping a few blows to stop the opponent scoring. Joanne Sloan followed her retired sister's example scoring the only Jeruselem goal for the half.

A different Jeruselem came out the second half. The sluggish Marie was a different person. Nethertopia was forced to fight hard to keep the Princesses at bay as they lost control of the game. Helen Clarke finally broke the defense open nailing a low strike to break a resolute Nethertopian determination, locking the score at 2 ALL. Hectic defending from Nethertopia kept their hopes of getting a point from the game with Jeruselem smashing on the walls with their siege weapons.

Nethertopia finally broke down when Marie was bundled over in the penalty area when she got sandwiched between two defenders. Marie knowing she wasn't fully fit, didn't take her own penalty and gave it to Helen Clarke who seems at home on grass. Helen didn't not miss and nailed the winning goal for a hard won 3-2 win.

Helen Clark played down her two goals, preferring to talk about the team effort
"I'm no champ like Dazza. I may have scored two goals today but most the hard work was done by the team for me. We all know Marie is struggling to get rid of her baby fat and she isn't the fittest team member but like the rest of the team, she's putting in a big effort. We didn't play our best today. We messed up a lot of things and should have scored more goals. The Nethertopians played really well and deserved a point but we did what we do best at Dazza Dallas Stadium and that is to win."

The Princesses travel to a placed called "Wing Wang Woo" for the next game. When asked about the place, most of the team including the Asians in the team had no idea although Pups joked
"It could worse, it could be Bing Bang Boo. Get it?"

Hellispont Times-Herald
Wombats get a Legendar-y win


A rare hat-trick from a Wombat player as Nathan Amun tied a team record with 3 goals in the first half against a Legendar team that came in very unprepared. the sellout crowd of 78,523 in the Wachovia Forum at Hellispont Point, Hellispont; saw history today as the wombats began yet another assault upon qualifying for the World Cup.

Amun scored in the 26th, 32nd and 40th minutes, all off of corner kicks, as the Legendar defense couldn't contain the 6'4" striker. Jason Chalmers, the head coach, won his debut, an even more rarity amongst the indubious history of Green Wombat.

Next the challenge begins as the wombats prepare for the defending champions, Starblaydia, which is followed by a trip to Dariusville. The "Purple Peril" as they have been called defeated CoH Runners-up Allemenschen 4-0 earlier this week.

Most pundits have the wombats getting beaten in the match, and rightfully so as the Starblaydis are propably the most complete team in the world, and the wombats, despite the appearances of their realtively easy win over an underwhelimg opponent, are far from being able to pull off an upset. But stranger things have happened.

(OOC: As I had mentioned during WC44, I won’t be Rping with a lengthy, and as some may say repetitive “Rocket Report” very often due to RL time constraints during WC45 and beyond, perhaps.)

WORLD CUP QUALIFYING- GAME #1- Newmanistan at Panuul

Final: Panuul 0-0 Newmanistan
Scoring: PAN: None NEW: None
Bookings: PAN: #4, YC (22’) NEW: Brooker, YC (26’), Prescott, YC (65’)

(Grades are on a 1-10 scale with 10 being the best)

Overall Team Performance: 6

Individual Performances:
GK: Chris Kusler: 10
LB: Jeremy Brooker: 9
LCB: Bobby Foley: 9
RCB: Scott LaFave: 10
RB: Alex Lampert: 10
LM: Kyle Carrigan: 7
CM: Alex Parnett: 6
RM: Billy Prescott: 8
LS: Jeremy McAllister: 7
ST: Jennifer Vilardi: 6
RS: Brett Carlson: 6
(Sub): Dale Stevens: 7
(Sub): Shannon Vilardi: 7
(Coach): Brian Carson: 8

Records following game: Panuul 0-1-0, Newmanistan 0-1-0

Game Notes: Chris Kusler officially stopped 13 shots on target, eight of which game in the first half; Newmanistan was credited with 12 shots on target, nine of which were in the second half; Panuul had a 58-42 possession advantage in the first half, Newmanistan turned the tables with a 61-39 advantage in the second. Panuul officials declared the game a sellout. Jeremy McAllister hit the post with a shot in the 71st minute, the closest either team came to a goal.

Prux@WC45.com
Adverts stumble to draw with Ierissos

Despite the ranking advantage, the Adverts showed their inexperience at this level of soccer coming away with a disspointing draw with Ierissos. The Ierissos goal was an own goal scored by Jolly Green Giant, whose size backfired on the opening kickoff as a pass from Smokey Bear deflected off Jolly's bigtoe backwards towards a very unsuspecting Juan Valdez, who was still drinking his morning coffee. The own goal set a new NSWC record for fastest own goal in a match at 4 seconds.

After that disasterous start, the Adverts rallied behind Energizer Bunny and Toucan Sam. Sam tied the match up at 1-1 in the 60th minute as Jolly sent a corner kick about 100 feet into the air. Sam, flew up and struck it home just under the cross-bar.

In the 67th minute, Jolly was subbed for, as the referees threatened to declare a forfeit as the pitch had numerous 10 foot wide, 25 foot long and 2 foot deep footprints, which made for some interesting bounces. McGruff the Crime Dog came in for Jolly but the Adverts were unable to mantain any sustained pressure.

Up next for the Adverts is a match against aliens meaning Rymeria.



Prux World Cup 45 Qualifying Schedule:

(all Home Matches to be played the hopefully completed Griffin Stadium in Pawtucket, Prux, Capacity 67,500, Pics not available at this time.)
@ Ierissos D 1-1
vs. Rymeria
@ Milchama
vs. Govindia
@ Akbarabad
vs. Septentrionia
@ Arroza
vs. Ierissos
@ Rymeria (somewhere in Space, probably)
vs. Milchama
@ Govindia
vs. Akbarabad
@ Septentrionia
vs. Arroza
(RECORD 0-1-0)



Meet the ADVERTS (Part 5 of a 6 part series)
Back-up Mid-fielders

McGruff the Crime Dog (backup Mid-fielder)
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/7/7a/McGruff.jpg/180px-McGruff.jpg
A former Policeman from Pawtucket, McGruff is a very good defender as he will 'doggedly' (pun not intended) follow his man. But McGruff is horrible on offense and will most likely be use to bolster the defense late in games.
Height: 5'9", Weight: 180lbs.


Frito Bandito (backup Mid-fielder)
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/f/fc/Frito_Bandito.jpg
Frito is here illegally in Prux, and faced with either deportation back to Cafundeu or to play for the Adverts, decided to play soccer. Very quick and devious, Frito will be one of the main subbees for the team.
Height: 4'7", Weight: 110lbs.

The Noid (backup Mid-fielder)
http://tbn2.google.com/images?q=tbn:popSXL6MJBZvTM:http://thefaust.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/noid2.gif
Other than an unhealthy obession about pizza, the Noid probably is the most 'normal' person, so to speak, on the team. The Noid is very flexible and durable, and as such will most likely be used against more aggressive oppenents, as to draw yellow cards.
Height: 4'9", Weight: 125lbs.

Dancougar News!!
Yes, it's repetitive. But there's no giant robots, right?

Wings embarrassed by Angelic hat trick: The last time these sides met, Dancougar dispatched the Phoenix on the road with ease 4-1. On their return to the National Stadium, Raul de Olivares and Qazox returned the favor with a 5-2 thrashing that already has fans doubting Shigeru Takeuchi's ability to lead the team back to the World Cup.

The Wings showed some fight early but caved before halftime and never recovered. To give an indicator of how bad things were, fans started chanting "Bring out Artur" after the fourth goal, and Takeuchi obliged, making a goalkeeping change with over half an hour to play. The team played well in patches but were unable to put together anything resembling a complete game, and de Olivares' gameplan generated plenty of opportunities which the Phoenix used to their fullest.

"Obviously it's not how we wanted to start, but it's only one game, and there will be plenty of chances to rebound," said Takeuchi. "Sometimes you have a bad game. Today we had a bad game."

The Wings hardly had time to settle in before Qazox were on the board courtesy of Angel Kenworthy. Ivy Habib intercepted an Alexei Voronzoff pass and spotted Kenworthy making a break upfield. With one powerful swoop, Habib fired a long ball that went past everyone. Kenworthy and Joseph Cecilia gave chase, and Kenworthy was faster. He controlled the ball with his first touch and pushed the ball past the foundering Cecilia. Brengle came out of his goal to try and snag the ball, but Kenworthy gave it the lightest of touches to send it over the sliding 'keeper and into the net.

The Phoenix nearly doubled the lead in the 10th minute through Cornelia Fuston, who controlled a pass at the top of the box and whipped it on goal. Brengle failed to control the ball and parried it off the crossbar for Cecilia to clear, but he looked absolutely rattled. Takeuchi could be seen in the technical area frantically yelling for Dwayne Landro to withdraw from the midfield and become a fourth defender.

Early on, though, the Wings did have a little fight left in them. The series leading up to Augustine Dennin's 19th-minute goal was the kind of play fans were expecting to be the norm. Voronzoff directed ball movement throughout the midfield, and after a series of short passes and runs, Dennin fought his way through the box and slipped it between the legs of goalkeeper Marc Klick for the equalizer.

"I really expected us to settle down a bit once we tied it up," said Voronzoff, who was one of the few bright spots on the day. "We got our fans back into it and I thought we'd get some confidence. But Qazox took the initiative and really took it to us."

Less than ten minutes after Dennin's equalizer, Fuston won a corner kick that was well-covered by the Black Wing defense. Doug Edrington flashed across the box and beat Habib to the header, but a bump from the Phoenix midfielder resulted in a poor clearance. The ball fell to Kenworthy, who still needed a moment to collect it, but he sent a powerful shot past Brengle to restore the lead. Top shelf, near post... Brengle never had a chance with so many bodies between him and the ball, and replays showed it might have taken a deflection on the way.

The Wings were able to conjure up a few more chances in the first half, but they'd prove unable to beat Klick a second time. Meanwhile, Brengle continued to fall under siege. He was directly responsible for the third Qazox goal five minutes before halftime by fumbling what should have been an routine catch after a half-hearted lob at goal by Fuston. Brent Folks fought past Edrington to poke it home. Edrington claimed he'd been pushed but the referee allowed the goal to stand. This was where the frustration began to set in for the Wings, with Cecilia picking up a yellow card in the waning minutes before the halftime whistle gifted the Wings fifteen minutes to plan a comeback.

But it was not their day, and the Phoenix got the next goal to really put the game out of reach. The defense lost track of Matilda Swords, who easily converted a free kick into a 4-1 advantage. Brengle was caught in a poor position to play the ball but threw himself at the shot anyway in a futile attempt to prevent the goal. He lay on the ground for a few seconds amid the boos raining down from the stands and hauled himself up with a dejected look on his face.

Minutes later, he was done. In an effort to stop the bleeding, Takeuchi pulled him and sent out D-League rookie Artur Komarov. A lasting image of the game was Brengle's long walk to the Dancougar bench, his eyes staring only at the ground. Voronzoff and Lyle Dylandy gave him a pat on the shoulder as he left the field but no other teammates wanted to take part in his walk of shame. Their badge of dishonor would be the whistles from the stands whenever they turned the ball over or hoofed the ball aimlessly into touch.

"We all have a share in this loss," said Voronzoff, who was one of the few players willing to talk with the media after the game. "There were a lot of things we could have done differently. There are a lot of things we should have done differently. What's done is done and we have to move on. We'll learn from this."

The Wings managed to offer the remaining fans a glimmer of hope in the 62nd when Dennin fired a pass forward for Stefan Rosberg and trailing Qazox defender Brent Munford stumbled and fell while trying to change directions and give chase. Rosberg made no mistake and pounded the ball past Klick with no interference. The next ten minutes saw the Wings conjure up more chances than they had in the game's opening hour, but the finishing was poor. Confident in his team's cushion, de Olivares went to his bench and bled the clock with midfield possession.

Kenworthy completed his hat trick with ten minutes to play with a brilliant move to beat Berber and freeze Komarov where he stood. He blasted the ball into the roof of the goal to complete the rout. The five goals scored by Qazox were the most ever given up by Dancougar in the National Stadium. It was only the team's fifth loss in 46 home games.

Takeuchi on the defensive - literally: After Luke Brengle gave up seven goals in two matches and the Wings were outsmarted, outplayed, and outcoached by Qazox in their home opener, fans are already calling for coach Shigeru Takeuchi's head.

Although Takeuchi managed to stay upbeat in the post-game press conference and proclaim the team would put the game behind them and move on, he knows he'll have to right the ship quickly to placate the fans and the FA. To this end, he's already announced plans to go to the 4-4-2 until the team works through its growing pains.

They'll have to do it against a team that comes into this match with a fair bit of momentum. The Wings travel to the Macabees, where their hosts are sitting pretty on three points after rolling over Bushdome 3-0. If the Wings start with two straight losses, no one will believe Takeuchi when he tells them that a lot can happen in twelve games. They will be in a hole.

While Rosberg and Dennin have shown that they can indeed score goals, they've been inconsistent and haven't really been able to create offense for themselves or others. The midfield also needs to start contributing more than passes and crosses if the team is going to be successful.

But it does back to the defense. Takeuchi says he plans to start Luke Brengle again, but his confidence appeared shattered by the relentless Qazox attack. Not that he got much help from his defense. The presence of Casey Berber in the middle should keep him calm and better protected.

Starting XI: Brengle; Berber, Bogart, Cecilia, Edrington; Dylandy, Florentino, Landro, Voronzoff; Dennin, Rosberg
Substitutes: Komarov; Heath, Samrov; Chojnacki, Kaizuka, McNespy; Stadler

http://img134.imageshack.us/img134/7993/dailyturkjo0.png
San Castello 0–2 Koseli Cumhuriyetler
Shaky Start, But Still A Win.
Impresive defensive qualities from our as yet unknown opposition held us at bay for almost 55 minutes before Serkan Turkmen broke the deadlock and scored from 25 yards. Before that however the game was surprisingly even and all credit should be given to San Castello for producing a commendable team effort against our attacking unit. The one chance San Castello got was well held by Orhan who raced of his line quick enough to win the ball. Gokhan Asik was bombarding the goal as the home fans started to gain volume as San Castello looked like holding the Turks.

The second goal came from Kasim who was an 74th minute sub and was playing in his debut. The build up was route one but it worked as Erdem's lofted ball dropped perfectly for Kasim to volley home past the keeper. Arif had the chance to add to the score but nodded just wide.

Ratings

Tactics
The standard 4-4-2 looked a little boring but came through in the end. if it ain't broke don't fix it. Rating: 7/10

Players
The attackers need to focus on killing a game earlier, but they did if a little late get goals on the board. Once again a fantastic performance in the middle of the field, though Gurhan wasn't really noticed. Solid defense they worked in harmony with Orhan to round off a fairly decent performance overall. Rating: 5/10

Referee
Didn't have much to deal with in honesty, so it was a good and solid performance. Rating: 5/10

OOC point: Any Qazox RP DIRECTLY involving Statham takes place in Qazoxian year 1952, while the Cup RP's themselves are in 1954...

QFA Headquarters, Qazox City, Qazox:

Marc Statham: Anything, anything at all?

QFA Lawyer: Yes and No.

Marc Statham: What do you mean yes and no?

QFA Lawyer: We possibly have found a loophole.

Marc Statham: So what does this loophole say?

QFA Lawyer: Well according to Rule 136.2, subsection F, clause VI, paragraphs 7-9:
Any team that participate in a BoF, is required to provide independent conformation of their country's indepenence from any other nation within the same home region of both nations.

Any means of independent conformation may include: A declaration of independence or variants thereof, accepted by a foreign nation within that nations home region; a formal mutual acceptance of independence by the nation(s) in question or a trading agreement involving a WCC member nation.

Any nation not recognized as independent may still be eligible pending approval of the WCC at large.


Green wombat's independence had never been formally accepted by any other of the Q-continuum nations until 1885, we didn't accept their independence until 1891, just after the Baptism of Fire and they certainly never had a trading agreement involving a WCC member nation until 1892, that with Tynelia.

Marc Statham: So that sounds like Green wombat should have been declared illegal, not us, right?

QFA Lawyer: That's the bad news, Qazox technically never had been accepted by any other nation within the Q-continuum as independent before 1880, since all of them, excepting Taeshan; had independently and legally seceded from Qazox, without formally recognizing us as an independent nation. As mentioned before, the mutual acceptance of independence between us and Green wombat took place in 1891 and we didn't involve ourselves with international trade until 1886, with Bostopia. So technically we weren't legal either.

Marc Statham: So that almost takes Green wombat off the suspect list, and other than Tynelia, which has recently closed it borders and withdrawn from the WA, no other nation from the 1880 Baptism of Fire exists. Prux didn't come into existance until 1929, Taeshan came into being around 1910 or so. So its not one of the Q-Continuum members. Damn. Any Ideas?

QFA Lawyer: Well we can discount Fmjphoenix and Bedistan, the World Cup co-hosts of the 27th World Cup, and Rejistania & Legalese, the BoF hosts, and Spaam the Coh host. That leave us with the other teams in our group from the qualifying stages. And i've checked how they did in the qualifying and if they are still current nations:

Elrich- Ceased DNQ
Hiiraan- Ceased DNQ
Dorian and Sonya - Ceased DNQ
Eauz- Ceased, qualified for WC27
Milchama - Active, qualified for WC27
Tanah Burung- Ceased
Valertinette - Ceased DNQ
Vilita- Ceased, qualified for WC27

Of those nations, only Milchama is still active within the NSWC, and why would they sue us? We didn't cost them a World Cup berth, maybe a point or 2 thanks to the upset win and a draw, but they still made it.

Marc Statham: And in that CoH we didn't win a match, so none of those teams would have sued, besides only Bazalonia is still around from then.

QFA Lawyer: What about a team from the 2nd Draggonnii Inviyattii?

Marc Statham: Doubt it. Only Ariddia, Wentland and Milchama are still around from then, and Arridia hasn't played football in over 10 years.

QFA Lawyer: Let me guess, most of the teams from then we faced are no longer around?

Marc Statham: Right, I think maybe there's some remaints left over from New Montreal States, but i doubt they would sue us over a tourney that was about 70 years ago and didn't count for anything.

QFA Lawyer: We're still combing through the Massive Compendium of World Cup Rules (7th edition), but sir, to be honest, I don't think we'll find anything useful.

Marc Statham: Well kept at it. I'm still searching a lead myself.

<the lawyer leaves>

Statham dialed again the one person whom he thought might have answer to who is behind this, but once again, only a voice-mail message was on the other line.

(ooc2: these "rules" are for the Staham RP puproses only, and not to be construed as "real NSWC rules".)

Greali World Cup Qualifying Schedule
MD1: Greal VS Daehanjeiguk (2-2)
MD2: Greal VS Candelaria And Marquez
MD3: Greal VS Mo Land 3
MD4: Greal VS Achtervolging
MD5: Greal VS Cassadaigua
MD6: Greal VS Taeshan
MD7: Greal VS Albundania
MD8: Greal VS Daehanjeiguk
MD9: Greal VS Candelaria And Marquez
MD10: Greal VS Mo Land 3
MD11: Greal VS Achtervolging
MD12: Greal VS Cassadaigua
MD13: Greal VS Taeshan
MD14: Greal VS Albundania

Daehanjeiguk 2-2 Greal

No one was more surprised then the Greali themselves when in their first game since the last Cup of Harmony, tied with Daehanjeiguk. Though They were ranked sixth in the world rankings, the Greali had adapted to their moves and despite the Han players scoring twice, Howard Anderson took it upon himself to score two times in a five minute period, ending the dramatic game. Ross Trent said he was happy that his team played really well and he congratulated the Han players for their brilliant goals also. He says everyone has their mistakes.

Meanwhile the Presidential office sent shockwaves into the soccer community when spokesman Robert Luther for President Martin Watson confirmed that he did watch some of the match. When asked if President Martin was going to watch any more matches, Luther declined to comment on it. Nevertheless, many bloggers are already celebrating the fact. Our next game is against Candelaria And Marquez.


Greal 2

Daehanjeiguk 2


In other matches...

Cassadaigua beat Mo Land 3 2-1.

Candelaria And Marquez narrowly won over Achtervolging 3-2.

Taeshan scored once, winning over Albundania 1-0.

--------------------------------------------------

"Nice one Roger."

"Seven hundred beautiful new dollars."

"Like I said, nice one."

"Today I'm betting a narrow win for Greal."

"How much on that?"

"Six hundred."

"I'm betting narrow loss, four hundred."

"Ok, and you Jeff?"

"Draw. Three hundred."

"Shocking that the president watches soccer. I thought he was one of those arrogant politicians."

"I'm voting for him in the next election."

"Me too."

"That bar place was cool."

"Really?"

"I think so."

"You just like the owner."

"No I don't."

"Please Jeff, don't lie to us."

OPENER A LOST CAUSE

The Millionaires third attempt to qualify for the World Cup got off to an unsuccessful start as the team fell to Jeru FC at home in front of a sold out crowd by the score of 2-1. The game was pretty exciting with both teams committed to the attack from the start. If not for some great goalkeeping by Michael Rossiter and Elisa Roberts, we could have seen three or four goals per team in this match. As it is, the military team of Jeruselem, the favored team coming into the match gets the win by a goal thanks to scoring twice in the first half. Julia Pilsner got the first goal twenty minutes into the game, and Kaye Rocoosk added the second goal in the 38th. Possession slighty favored Jeru FC in the first half and the Millionaires played better then the 2-0 halftime score showed. Secristan scored quickly in the second half, six minutes in as James Rogan got the goal. There were good chances for the Millionaires down the stretch but Roberts got to them all with Rossiter playing well himself to keep it within reach until the final whistle sounded.

On the heels of the baseball team’s disappointing loss to Newmanistan in the finals of the World Baseball Classic, it seems as though most Secristanis were willing to take this loss in stride. It would have been nice to have earned something tonight but we aren’t blinded by pride to realize Jeru FC is a better team. Up next will come the greatest team in the world, Valanora and the Secristan Department of Sports is hoping to make their stay a very pleasant one. Traveling fans have been extended courtesies such as discounts on concession items and their players will have nothing but the greatest hotel accommodations as they so rightfully deserve. Katie Simpson of the SDOS tells us that, “They represent the greatest soccer playing nation in the world, having won three of the last five World Cups. They deserve great treatment and we want to make the most of this game.” When asked what an upset would mean, she told us, “If we could upset them, interest in the World Cup would skyrocket. It would give us a marketing strategy for about three World Cups too as we can always look back at the victory.” She then made a shocking announcement, “If we win. The SDOS will refund 50% of the bid price that each player played to be a part of the team. That is just how significant this win could be for Secristani soccer if we were to get it. Must be a win, no draws. We know that money is the greatest motivator for the players, so we’re offering it.”

Prior to the game, members of the Secristani baseball team will be honored on the field for their second-place finish at the recent World Baseball Classic. Each player will be receiving the same 50% refund off their initial bid price for their great performance and given the check at the on the field ceremony. Members of the team will also be available for autographs during the game. Maybe this too can motivate our soccer team to a shocking upset victory.

Players Lose Points in an Uninspired Performance

Vulcan, Pine Forest – the Arrozan National Soccer Team tied against Rymeria in a game that they were supposed to win at home. It was a beautiful, cloudless ninety degree day at War Memorial Field, for the game, but the team looked like they were having problems dealing with the environment. The Rymerians on the other hand, came out with a anger that normally isn't seem out of the peaceful space-farers. Early on, we took advantage of their aggression, as foul committed on Freeman led to him taking a free kick from thirty five yards out in the seventh minute. Freeman put the kick on goal where a poor clear by the Rymerians led to the ball falling at Viades's feet, where she smoothly put it into the back of the net.

In the twenty-seventh minute, the game changed for the worse when a poor, studs-up tackle by a Rymerian defender #4 put her on the ground. If you remember WC43 Qualifying, you'll know that Viades isn't exactly the most...well rounded of persons. Actually, hell she'd get along well in Forn Parts. What happened next was Viades hitting the defender with a jab, right cross, left hook combination that knocked the defender out, and got Viades both a red card and a ban for the next two matches against Govindia and Septentrionia. Down to ten men, the National team tried to soldier on with only one striker, but with Lancaster getting double-teamed, they weren't able to start anything on offense. The Rymerians on the other hand pushed hard after the half and finally put a shot past Manzinilla in the 63rd minute. Both teams scared to come out of the game with nothing, seemed content to play ultra-defensively until the end of the game.

Go-Where-ia?

Next, Arroza plays Govindia. We know nothing about them, except that we must have these three points if we intend to advance.

UG-UG'S DIARY

An Imperial Neolithic Odyssey


Ug-Ug and lads leave our land and go to Garl-place.

Ug-Ug never leave our land; this is first time.

Garl-place is far, far away.

Have to go through strange door called por-tal to get there.

Ug-Ug and lads then play Garl-place at rock ball.

But Garl-place team soft.

They use soft ball, not rocks.

Ug-Ug will not get tired to say that teams that use soft ball are soft.

I will say this for whole World Cup.

Garl-place team both soft and weak.

Lug-Ug break Garl-place man's leg.

Nug-Ug break Garl-place man's arm.

Pug-Ug break Garl-place man's neck.

Garl-place man die.

This make Pug-Ug sad.

Man in black then show Pug-Ug 'red card'.

Pug-Ug not know what red card mean.

Coach one and coach two then tell him.

This make Pug-Ug mad.

Pug-Ug then try to break neck of man in black.

Ug-Ug drag Pug-Ug away; tell him is wrong to break neck of man in black.

Pug-Ug then walk off field and shake head.

We now play with ten men.

But Garl-place men are so weak and soft, they hide near side line for rest of game.

Dug-Ug and Bug-Ug score one goal each, though is hard to score when ball bursts when we kick it too hard.

Did I say we like to play with rocks yet?

Ug-Ug thinks he did.

So Ug-Ug and lads win first game!

Whole team smiles!

We now go to hunt wild beasts to feast win.

Ug-Ug now wants to win next match too.

Courtney’s Space

We’re back and playing soccer once again! Things started out with our friendly against Arroza, and that a good tune up for us to get ready for the exciting World Cup qualifying action. There were no goals in the match and my friends who watched the game told me that it was rather boring! We weren’t looking for style points, it was a game against an opponent of equivalent stature to get us going for what we saw last night, the nation of Mo Land 3. Upon our curiosity, we learned that there is Mo Land 2, and there used to be a Mo Land 4, but that ceased recently. After this history lesson, we took to the field to play the best that the third Mo Land has to offer. Some of their players seemed to be rather arrogant during the game, and then you had the one guy that every time one of our players touched him he dove to the ground yelling and screaming while holding his knee as if he had just become crippled. Fortunately, our referee had enough of this idiot’s antics and sent him off with a red card in the 23rd minute. Playing with the advantage we got better scoring chances and even though we did not capitalize until after halftime, we went to the locker room feeling pretty good about the way things went down. Young Stacie Kerrigan was very enthusiastic and promised all of us that she would score a goal in the second half. I remember when I was her age, wow does time just fly! Stacie has come a long way from when she played in the Di Bradini Cup in Candelaria And Marquez not just a player but as a leader. So has Meghan Burns. Playing in that Cup really seem to accelerate their careers as far as knowing what it takes at this level. We didn’t participate in the last Di Bradini Cup, but I really hope we decide to enter the next one. Stacie lived up to her promise just five minutes into the second half and her celebration was all about reminding us about what she said in the locker room. That’s the kind of energy she has. In the 66th minute, I was able to score my first of the tournament, and Stacie needs to get credit for it. She was the one who did all the work and make the scoring chance happen. All I needed to do was be in the right position for a shot and to get it by their keeper and that gave us the two goal lead. We let our guard down briefly after that and it showed in their 74th minute goal, but it serves as a wake up call for us and we finished the match out strong.

Traditionally, we have not paid a lot of attention to the group standings this early in qualifying, but it can’t hurt to take a peak, can’t it? Greal got themselves a big draw against The Han Empire. We will take notice to that because the Grealis are a group with a pretty similar ranking that we have and the Han are the sixth best team in the World according to the ranking charts. In all seriousness, this will be a good draw for the Han. It will remind them that things will not come easily for them in qualifying because nations like Greal and us are not just going to roll over and allow the top three ranked teams to cruise to qualification. Taeshan defeated out next opponent, Albundia, so the chances of us starting 2-0-0 look good if we can take care of business. Candelaria And Marquez, as expected, defeated Achtervolging in the other game. I hope to see all of you at the stadium for our next game, but if you can’t make it out, we know you will be rooting us on from home.

“How'd they do?” The Emperor questioned with a stern tone in his voice.

Haelwen, his advisor, who was reading the Daily Mail looked up from the news story about an old lady suing the Emperor for kicking a plant pot at her, and flicked to the sports pages.

“I allegedly kicked the plant pot at her.” The Emperor said.

“You what?”

“I allegedly kicked the plant pot at her.”

“How'd you know I was reading that?”

“It was the look on your face from behind the newspaper that said it all. That smug look that tells me you don't trust me and ne-”

“They lost 5 – 2 at home to Qazox.”

“YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!”

The Emperor ran around the room, dancing his “Dancougar lost” jig, while screaming and shouting merrily.

“You sure do hate Dancougar don't you?”

“They beat us on penalties that one time!”

“Is that it?”

“It was supposed to be our cup! We were going to win that one!”

“But Bostopia didn't, get over it already!”

The Emperor stopped in his tracks.

“Ex-cuse me?”

“Look, this is why you've been down since WC43. You've got this crazy mindset that makes you think we should have won that one, and we didn't, ok? It hurt everyone, not just you.”

“We were second in the world.. we had it..”

“No, Emperor, we didn't.”

“Can I still hate Dancougar?”

“Of course. Now, why don't we take a look at the plans for the new Bostopia Stadium.”

http://www.bostopia.net/stadiums/bostopiastadiumhalf.png

“Bit.. sparse isn't it?” The Emperor noted.

“Well yes, but it's a working model. The tribute to those killed in the terrorist attack in the current Bostopia Stadium hasn't been decided yet, as well as the road layouts, parking, and etc. though the architects are working on it, they can't perform absolute miracles yet.”

“Too right. Can't rush these things, everything takes it's own time.”

Debbie careered through Blessing Market, bouncing off early morning shoppers like a pinball, keeping one hand firmly gripped inside her little brother’s and pausing only to dive under a stall manned by a snoozing brown ethnic of indeterminate origins, grab an orange from a wicker basket thereof, and lunge through a display of brightly-coloured scarves to safety.

Her escape route appeared misjudged however, leaving her tumbling momentarily into a small crowd of gossiping women and sending a pile of LPs flying. A hail of swearwords followed the two little people – some thoroughly Anglo-Saxon, others of a rather more exotic variety – but the protective anonymity of an identikit school uniform and forgettable straight brown hair gave Debbie the inner carte blanche to perambulate through the city in whatever manner she so wished, complaining brother in tow or not.

And why wouldn’t you want to run and bob and weave and generally make a game of the dull walk to school, on a day such as this? It was a gorgeous, warm spring morning, the marketplace bathing in the dappled light escaping from the young willows billowing in the softest of winds, the streets filled with the good-natured hubbub of all human life, pressed into this little spot, with its fruit and vegetables and bric-a-brac and happiness.

This was Candelaria And Marquez – not yet eight years old, younger indeed than Debbie herself, but booming in the naïve confidence of a new nation, charging joyfully around amongst the old, staid ranks of the once-great Rushmori powers, juggling with consecrated political oranges in order to stretch the analogy to breaking point, and generally making a nuisance of itself. A nasty little civil war and a grammatically obtuse And will do that to a country, sometimes.

Debbie’s primary concern at that moment was disposing of the orange by way of a passing swan wandering away from the little artificial duck pond at the square’s edge, with thoughts of a shiny new national identity firmly lodged only at the very back of her mind, but even a politically unaware nine year-old couldn’t help but be conscious of what an exhilarating time and place to be alive in this truly was. Let the Candelarian north, with its bread lines and battered buildings, drag itself back to its feet after backing the wrong side. Let Marquez simmer in its cultural tensions, and Albrecht fossilise itself as the museum of the olde Candelarias…

No, Gordon Bay City, as every one of its hundred thousand residents knew in their hearts, was the future of this “C&M”; frothing with voices from across the region and beyond, respectful of the past but increasingly embracing of the social revolutions sweeping the Western globe. Counterculture principals marched hand-in-hand with the new towering, shiny tributes to private enterprise, in a city united in its utter self-confidence.

All rather foreboding, innit?

Debbie risked a glance at the clock tower in the square, muttered an “oh, bother!” at her lateness, and tugged forcefully at her brother’s hand once more. They clattered hurriedly through the bustling marketplace, dividing momentarily to spill around a grossly fat little man who seemed to cover half the street, and letting go of each other for just an instant… It could only be an instant, Debbie knew, for mum and dad would be unlikely to trust her to walk to school on her own again if she’d mislaid her little sibling, who was by general consensus the hope of the family – clever to the point of ‘gifted’, outstanding at sport (as if that somehow mattered, in a country that had but the barest interest in all this random running, jumping and kicking), blond… Besides, she’d rather miss the gurning little twit if…

The noise alone shattered glass, the force of the blast sending the little girl flying into a display of porcelain imps. The second explosion lifted the wooden stall off its feet and crashing across the square, and Debbie could scramble to her knees only for an instant before she was trampled by two screaming women.

The sudden, wrenching pain in an ankle was merely added to the list of background noises and sensations, comfortably nestling behind the blood pouring from her right eye, the desperate screams, the bodies strewn around her… Debbie hobbled onto her feet as thick brown dust enclosed her. She could still make out figures running, or crawling, in the half-light, but…

“MARK!”

Her cry took almost every ounce of what she had left, but the boy remained nowhere to be seen, even as the dust began to settle. She span around in terror, hopes raised and dashed inside a second as another child, but clearly a small girl, was scooped up into the frantic arms of its mother, but Debbie made towards them in any case, screaming the boy’s name again in the hope of attracting anyone’s attention, never mind her brother’s. Another blast, this time farther away, rocked the marketplace once more and sent jolting pains through her body, sending her thudding back onto her front. Debris billowed up as she fell, utterly obscuring her view, but that seemed more of a blessing that a curse. She tried to scream Mark’s name again, but a throat thick with dirt uttered only a hoarse whimper.

Behind her eyelids, Debbie felt the sky light up, and forced her one eye open to see glowing red streaks illuminate the square and two figures walking away serenely, hand-in-hand.

“Mkkk…”

It was just enough. The boy stopped and turned, and tugged desperately at his new companion’s hand.

It was a young woman who turned to meet Debbie’s own blurred vision, a girl surely not yet out of her teens, with the smoothest brown skin and the most perfect features that the Candelariasian child had ever seen. The air around her… didn’t glow, as such, but still seemed to be living a charmed life, looking as fresh and buoyant as it had twenty minutes before.

The woman’s appraising glance was over in a flash, and she turned her back, pulling Mark along with her, towards the duck pond. The boy risked another fleeting look back, but he wasn’t trying to struggle, or even offer up a complaint. Somehow, Debbie couldn’t find it within herself to blame him, knowing even in her shattered mindset of the moment that no-one could ever dream of letting go of the beautiful woman’s grasp once it was offered. Still…

“NO!”

Debbie summoned up every last ounce of strength to lurch forwards, screaming towards the pair rapidly diminishing in front of her. To her surprise Mark turned again, and this time pulled away from the woman, whose face remained as deadened to her pleas as before.

“Please…! Take me…” Debbie gasped, wiping more blood and muck from her face and staring imploringly at her brother’s saviour.

For the first time, the older girl’s expression altered, to one of bemused amusement, and she put her head to one side.

“Curious…”

Time seemed to pause, and perhaps it did, while she considered her options. Mark scampered forward to help Debbie to her feet, and suddenly her hand was in the brown woman’s and she was being marched across the square, Mark struggling to keep up on his own.

Indeed, by the time they had reached the duck pond, the boy had tripped two or three times and had been left well behind, sobbing in the cloying dust. Debbie turned back and forth and, though she felt no fear as she and her saviour began to walk into the water she resisted weakly all the same as she took one last look at the distant blob of her brother.

“No!” she managed to cry, as the black waters reached up above her chin, “I didn’t mean take me instead of…!”

The boy watched her, shaking in the dust. He was too young not to know what was happening. They had taken her, and reputation didn’t indicate that They would give much thought to the notion of bringing her back.

For all intents and purposes, he was the eldest child of the Baker household now. The single hope for a brighter future. Better start practising his football again, then.

It was two hours before anyone found him. And several more until anyone human could do the same.

***

“No… Eric, for God’s sake, don’t worry about Elestedt, he’s a sack of spuds! No, what’reyou?!? Aargh…

“For God’s sake, man! Well, don’t say I didn’t warn you… No, don’t give me that hangdog expression, you did bad! Didn’t I stress this to you? That Schapendonk, he’s a proper player, but not just at the back! And they’re cracking at set-pieces this lot, saw it over in Krytenia. So what were you doing marking the little fella, who’s barely in our box, when you had Schapendonk steaming in behind you?!

“Don’t think you’re getting off any lighter, Enrique! With your arms all over Hes, come on… You’re better than that! If we’d had a harsher ref than Prescaldo, that would’ve been a pen at the very least! There’s no need for this, we had them under control… I know they’re wily little frogs, an’ it’s not like they’ve got anything to lose, but we were cruising at two-nil and you all got cocky, didn’t you? It’s bad enough you lot at the back thinking with your backsides, but where’re the rest of you?! Thinking about your next league game? It’s not on, guys, not away from home, even against this lot… Especially against this lot, actually! This isn’t a bunch of freaks an’ inbreds, they’ve got a professional league, for heaven’s sake! None of ‘em can hold a candle to any one of you, but they’ve got their heads screwed on… Besides, this is their first ever qualifying game! This is one of the biggest moments in their footballing history! Do you honestly want to be so charitable as to give them the fairytale start?

“Because it’ll happen, if you carry on like this. You seen the Jaseuyeon result yet, kids? Remember them from last year, Peisandros and… the other lot? No easy games in international football, lads. Total cliché, but totally true, these days…

“Come on, you great fat lump, Dannat… If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times; you just can’t play Spooner and Ibadulla together. I don’t care if they’re the best we’ve got, they’re not a partnership, never will be! Look, Abdul’s got his goal, bring him off, get Smith on there… thaaat’s it… And let’s have Aaron and Niv stick to the flanks, eh? Get some crosses in, for once. Test those full-backs. That number two, Tracey… looks venerable to me. Aaron can put him under a tonne of pressure if he tries… And this time, Elgin, if they get a free-kick don’t send Enrique and that lot up there… Just complicates matters. If Smudger and Spoons can just get a little space in the box…

“Ye-es… There you go. Gowon Niv, we need a crackin’ delivery from you now. There ain’t ten minutes to go, and I’m buggered if it’s going to finish up two-two… two-two… two-two… two-two…”

“Three-two.”

“Wtsfgl?”

“It finishes three-two. Cohen delivers the free-kick, Smith breaks free from Plet and plants a free header past Nelisse. Well done.”

“Yes… Thank you. I… remember, now…”

“I should hope so, you were watching it barely five hours ago. But then, after all these years, how can I still be surprised that you dream in football?”

“I don’t… I don’t know…”

Mark Baker bit his lip, and pulled his duvet up around his neck. He was confused. This wasn’t in itself an unusual state of being for the former Candelaria And Marquez national football team manager, a man ploughing well into his seventies and not especially enjoying the experience, or indeed remembering half of it from one minute to the next. Strange things happened to him all day long, things that most Candelariasians would instantly dismiss as perfectly normal.

Granted, Candelariasians being Candelariasians and Mark being a man who’d seen rather more than most in his life, this kind of attitude would be itself unsurprising. Unfortunately, Mark was also regularly shocked by breakfast, windows, snow, etc. He’d been having an awful lot of new experiences these days.

Equally, finding a strange woman hovering over your bed was equally normal for most of Mark’s fellow residents. Largely, however, they were dressed in blue and had the single intention of changing one’s colostomy bag, or the like. Typically, they didn’t sit on one’s bed, swinging their bare feet. Usually, Mark felt almost certain, such women had toes. This one’s feet came to a plateau. That wasn’t normal. Wasn’t it?

She was waving a hand in front of his face.

“Oi! Wakey-wakey, Mark. You know it’s not easy for me to come here for more than five minutes at the best of times, and these are not the best of times.” She frowned. “Are you alright? D’you want that glass of water, or something…?”

“I… I don’t know who you are…”

“Ick, you were fast asleep, weren’t you? Never mind, look… I’ve got to make this quick, they’ve no idea I’m here this time. Nor has she, come to that, or the other one, and I’d be chuffed if it stayed that way. Look, Mark… You’ve got to forget everything I’ve told you before, right? About our plans?”

“I… can assure you, young lady, that won’t be a problem…”

Mark wiped the dust from his eyes and stared into the concerned expression of a middle-aged woman. Bubbly as she seemed, she looked truly exhausted, long bags under each eye, wrinkles that could’ve done with the attentions of Mr Olay twenty years ago. Or maybe it was all just a trick of the lamp light, but…

“Mark! I can’t have you… zoning out on me, not now! Look, you have to get back to the football team! Everything’s different now, they’re impatient, they’re not thinking straight! They can’t win like this, but… Even I don’t know what they might be capable of. I don’t think they do either, but… You’ve got to stop the team qualifying, they’re relying on that! I don’t know why, exactly, if they’re hoping it’ll distract people or, maybe if they think we play in Demot, or against the bears or Valanora again, or… And I know that sounds ridiculous after everything we’ve been through, but you’ve got to stop them, an–”

“Is it… Really that… Imperative?”

“It… Well, no,” the woman conceded, “probably not. But it won’t bloody well help matters. And look, there’s something else. Only whisperings, but… You’ve got to watch Harris, alright? I think they’re planning something, and… I don’t know. She’s not like Hernández, Melbourne… me, even. There’s a heart in there, somewhere. Husband, kids… She’s a danger. Do keep a look out, won’t you? Mark? Are you alright?”

“Eh…?”

“Oh, just… just try, Mark. You may well be our only hope. Er… Are you going to be drinking that glass of water, perchance?”

He glanced creakily towards the bedside table. “I… No. Not especially…”

“Glorious. Er. Catch you later, then,” the woman sighed, rolling her eyes. She leant forward, grasped the glass, shook it suddenly to make the contents jump up in their air, and pushed her face into the descending droplets. For a moment the world went splnkt, and then she was gone.

Mark watched the bottom-shaped impression on his sheets for a short while, shivering, before leaning over and gingerly pushing his panic alarm.

World Cup 45 Qualification - Group 2
PRQ: 1-3@ Newmanistan [32] (@ Putnam Lake Stadium, Putnam Lake - ???)
MD1: 2-2 @ Greal [43] (@ who knows where?)
MD2: vs Taeshan [31] (@ Sanhaemun Football Stadium, Cheonjin - 60,000)
MD3: @ Albundania [UNK] (@ here?)
MD4: @ Cassadaigua [50] (@ pink!)
MD5: vs Candelaria And Marquez [15] (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong - 150,000)
MD6: @ Mo Land 3 [141] (@ gemme moland!)
MD7: vs Achtervolging [98] (@ Dynasty Imperial Football Stadium, Namgyeong - 51,000)
MQ: @ Booblybobbers
MD8: vs Greal [43] (@ Goguryeo Football Stadium, Pyeongyang - 52,000)
MD9: @ Taeshan [31] (@ again?)
MD10: vs Albundania [UNK] (@ Silk Road Stadium, Seoan - 56,000)
MD11: vs Cassadaigua [50] (@ Munhwa Football Stadium, Hanseong - 65,000)
MD12: @ Candelaria And Marquez [15] (@ somewhere good :P)
MD13: vs Mo Land 3 [141] (@ Potala, Lasa - 34,000)
MD14: @ Achtervolging [98] (@ ah-choo!)
PTQ: ???

*** The Spring Palace, Hangyeong***

The Emperor was busily managing his affairs when an adviser suddenly burst into the room. It was an uninvited burst to say the least, but by this time, the Emperor was used to such bursts.

"Pyei-ha! You must reconsider your visit to the football match!"

"Non-sense," the Emperor replied. I haven't visited a stadium in quite some time, and I feel that the citizens must understand that we should support the team whether they win or not."

"It's not for that I'm concerned," the adviser replied. "I've just gotten off the phone with a Hwarang agent. There is reasonable concern that you might be the next Mujeongbu target. A website closely associated with the Mujeongbu just posted details about how the Emperor is a cruel and hateful figure in the world, and that all good citizens should do all in their power to remove him."

"Is there any reason why I should stop my activities because they threaten me?" the Emperor said. "I am the face of the state, and if the face of the state should cower from the threats of the Mujeongbu when they have no ability to stage it, why should I be concerned? Let them come and try me!"

"The website was posted on an open site. The Imperial Intelligence Agency has reported a large surge of numbers posting on this website."

"Well, if they aim to try me, let us try them. Who is posting this?"

"We believe multiple users are hosting the site."

"In which country?"

"It's a multinational site. The server is located somewhere in Atlantian Oceania, but the host has no fixed position."

"Somewhere? Why can't we get a fixed position?"

"We think that multiple users are using the same server remotely. They could be in the Han Empire, but our IP detections have shown that they are abroad and in different countries. If any of these countries are deliberately hosting these individuals, they could be doing so without being fully aware of their activities."

"Get a report on the last known IP addresses used for that website. Send it to the countries who host those accounts and get them to stop these threats. If their users can't post, the site will die out."

"We've already started doing that. The reason why we have reasonable concern is because some of the IP addresses used for posting replies to the call for arms have come from within the Empire."

The Emperor paused at hearing this. Within the Empire? Some of his subjects agree that he should be eliminated? Why? "Who are these people?"

"They come from varied locations, but most of them originate from within the capital district."

The Emperor nodded. Apparently, this threat was far more serious than he had anticipated. Usually, the threat was abroad, caused by Mujeongbu terrorists seeking to stir up trouble in foreign countries. He already knew the cost of bringing those villains to justice. There was Casari, Cafundeu, Candelaria And Marquez (something about the letter "c", eh?), and some other iffy countries. But now they were coming back home? Perhaps it was time for change, and the Mujeongbu were trying to go ahead of the curve. If so, it was the time to go ahead of their curve. Stop them before they become too powerful once more. Kill their domestic links, and the attack becomes moot. But what of the Emperor in the meantime? He must still remain a public official, after all.

"I cannot forgo my public obligations," he said to the adviser. "But we cannot ignore the slight threats and their apparent closeness to home. Find the people who would do me harm, and bring them to me."

"Bring them to you?" The adviser was extremely puzzled. "Isn't that counter-intuitive? Bring your would-be murderers to you? That's cutting out half of their trouble already!"

"I'm not without self-defense capability," the Emperor replied. "But I want to know why these people so wish me ill. The best way is to ask them plainly."

"I beg your pardon, sire. That's the worst way. Let us take care of the interrogation. You don't have to worry about it at all!"

"I must know for myself," the Emperor said, insistent. "Besides, I'm aware that they want me dead. Perhaps bold actions will bring us closer to the truth."

"Too bold, and you might find yourself on the obituaries."

The Emperor nodded in acknowledgement. "It's a risk I'm willing to take."

"It's a risk that too bold to risk. You don't have any heirs. And your father cannot become Emperor if you die. Heavens, you don't even have a wife! How can we have an heir? This is probably why the Mujeongbu want to attack you now! You're vulnerable, and they know removing you can pose the greatest threat to political integrity!"

The Emperor chuckled at that. "You sound like my father. Every other day, he's telling me to get married, have a kid, have a son. I'm too young for kids."

"Emperor! Think about the state!" His adviser was adamant in that call. "If we have no heir, how will we function as a state? The state revolves around the Emperor!"

"The state is well-adapted to the modern era. Remove the head, and the people can find a new head, soon enough."

"You shouldn't be talking like this." The Daeweongun entered the room (from another entrance), noting the severity of the topic of discussion. The adviser instinctively bowed to the Daeweongun, but he dismissed him. The adviser quickly left and the two were soon alone. "I'm not going to tell you to have a family so soon, but you should consider your safety above all."

"I do," the Emperor replied.

"I hope you do. Because your safety is the safety of the state. It's been said that the Empire may lose a million men in war, but to lose one Emperor is great shame. So it remains in our time."

"I can afford the time to go to one football match..."

"I'm not only talking of the football match. I'm not even talking about your planned 'interrogations' of Mujeongbu wannabes. I'm more concerned about your fixation upon modernity. If you start to abandon the ways of our ancestors, you start to lose your right to rule."

"I think that I've earned this right by birth..."

"By birth indeed, but you have yet to earn it by right. Show some character worthy of the position. I've risen you for this purpose for your whole life, since even I was the Crown Prince. We are a family destined to govern the matters of the state."

"And I sometimes wonder if I had earned justly."

"There is little sense in pursuing justice, pyei-ha." The Daeweongun stood up to depart. "What matters in this world is what works. If it does not function, then it should not exist, whether it be fair or not. Otherwise, the Empire and all that it has become will wither in the wind. The times will change us, but don't let your pursuit for change become your vision. Know your people's desires, but do not seek to become it. If anything, have them seek you instead, because the wreary people will choose to follow a leader who commands with authority."

"I have heard these things," the Emperor replied.

"So you have, but my concern is always whether you have learned it."

"I have."

"And if you haven't, you will."


*** Jungan Street, Hangyeong ***

Yim Hwanyong walked casually down the street. He wasn't heading down the street just for entertainment value, but to relax and unwind. He was indeed heading for the theater down on Jungan Street. It was once an out-of-the-way place, but after some fire a couple of years ago, the place suddenly became a hopping area, full of locals and tourists. The theater was one of the latest developments, and of the many diverting ventures he could take, live action plays were among the high-ranking ones. He was once an actor himself. He trained under the Dongguk Performing Arts Department, but he soon found himself out of luck in competition against actors who took the liberal ideas of expression. Damned foreigners...

He took out a 5000 jeon piece (10,000 jeon = 1 weon) and paid for the ticket at the entrance. The ticket master smiled and let him in, with an almost inaudible greeting. Of course, he was old and stuck inside the booth; Yim couldn't hear what he said, but he was certain that it was something nice. He walked into the theater, sparsely populated by people visiting to watch the show. It was a dramatic re-enactment of some family's fortunes, set in the Imjin War. The family was forced to re-locate in the midst of fighting between the Ilbon and Han armies on the Sandong peninsula. Two brothers were forced to separate, one captured by the Ilbon army another captured by the Han army; in the end, they were forced against their will to fight one another, until they each decided that fighting the other was not worth it. In the end, they were both killed by the Ilbon commander, hoping to set an example for other captured soldiers.

The play itself was hardly celebrated in the presses, mostly because of historical inaccuracies, but Yim liked it enough to watch the show nearly every night. Tonight was no exception. He found himself crying as usual through the first act, as the two brothers were pried from each others' arms, to be taken away to their respective side for the duration of the play. He was the first to stand an applaud the close and sat back in his seat for the intermission. Though the theater was nearly empty, the few people present felt that Yim was being a bit too dramatic and thought that he was perhaps a member of the cast and crew. Such thoughts would have made him happy.

But it was the second act that caught his attention. It wasn't the actors or their performance, but some member of the audience. In the middle of the first scene, the brother caught by Ilbon side was forced with a blade at his neck to fight for them. At that moment, some young punk stood up and yelled out loudly, "Cut it off!" The actors ignored his cry while those present in the audience tried to get the visitor to stop his jeers. To say the least, Yim was rattled. What sort of nerves did this character have to interrupt the finest play in the history of mankind? It might have been just a one-time affair, but later in the same scene, when the brother accepts his fate, the same character jumped and jeered the actors. "You should have killed him! Cheap bastards! You should have killed him!"

Maybe this chap was being a bit rambunctious, but it was annoying Yim to the point of boiling over his head. Twice might have been excusable, but he continued to jeer throughout the rest of the play. And it was always at the most emotional points of the play, which really killed the dramatic atmosphere of the theater. Yim couldn't handle it. This young punk deserved to be punished.

By the time they ended the show, Yim left the theater in advance, so as to get the best vantage point of the visitors leaving the theater. He would punish this lad and this lad wouldn't dare to speak again so ignobly. The crowd was slow come out, but while Yim waited, he saw him leave and head down the street with a group of friends. Yim would teach him a lesson regardless...

"Ya!" he yelled out to the character. "You think that was pretty funny?"

The man turned around, and laughed. "What, you didn't?"

"I don't think you appreciate the value of brotherhood."

"I think I do. That's why I'm here with friends. You got a problem with that?"

Yim found himself slowly enveloped by the punks, as they sought to make an example for themselves. Thankfully it was dark...

"I think you need to have an little re-education," Yim said.

"Please," the chap replied. "Please educate me."

Without another question or remark, Yim pulled out a steel bar from his sleeve and whacked the kid across the face. At that instant, the crowd converged upon Yim, but he deftly handled them all with his metal rod. Each person received a blow and soon enough they started to flee. That left Yim alone with the restless boy. "Please, sir! I didn't mean to insult you!"

"I think you don't appreciate the value of drama," Yim answered, kneeling down. He held the bar firmly in his head. "Drama... makes this world so senseless as it is come alive. You who can't appreciate it - the life - you can't live until you've experienced it. You're dead until you've suffered its immeasurable sorrow, its insurmountable joy."

"Please, sir! I understand! I'll never do that again! Please!"

"I don' think you do." With that, Yim felled his bar upon the ground and smashed the young man's neck with it. "Cut it off..." he idly remarked as he left the scene.

*** Lucky Cricket Bar, Jungan Street, Hangyeong ***

Min Hansu was feeling a bit more cheerful than his usual self. In fact, he was so cheerful that he allowed the cook-apprentices to be a little experimental today. "Surprise me!" he said as he left the kitchen for the parlor. Everything was a bit odd that day. While Min was happy, most of the visitors were still droning over the draw in Greal. Football, it seemed drew the majority of his patrons to the place. And though the next match would be coming at any time to the nearby fords of Heaven (i.e Cheonjin), they were sullen folk.

"Well, here's to another grand qualification tour," chided one patron at another table. Beer mugs collided and the drunkenness became all too apparent as they all splashed beer upon themselves. Indeed, drowning their sorrows... but a bit excessive for Hansu's tastes. He quickly met up with Kim Seungho to address the issue quickly.

"They're all drunk. We should stop serving them beer."

"Actually, they bought a pitcher. We can't just take it away from them."

"And how big are our pitchers?"

"They bought the biggest one."

"How big is that?"

"Ummm..." Kim quickly tried to calculate it as Hansu glanced around the corner. Needless to say, it was rather huge.

"Nevermind, I really don't want to know."

"I can assure you that it's not more than 5 liters."

"That's good. Just make sure they don't get any more tonight."

"I can say that they probably came here drunk too..."

Hansu sighed. "We should really be checking to make sure drunk people don't come here. I've gotten calls from the police, saying that my patrons are sometimes being disruptive when they leave here. It's embarrassing really."

"I'll make sure they leave quite sober," Kim replied.

"Nah, then they'll spend the night in here. Just make sure they can stand on two feet." It was odd to note that, since Hansu was the only one who still lived in the building. In a room beneath the kitchen, he still lived largely upon the ground. Luckily, the heat from the furnace was enough to keep the room at a mild temperature year-round, but he couldn't dream to separate himself from his old kitchen. So, he literally slept in the same spot as he had for years prior. Only a few people noticed that he lived there anyway.

"I can see you're a bit happier than usual," Hong said, propping a chair aside for the man of the house.

"I had a good dream last night."

"Dreams are fleeting," Choe replied, patting his fingers on the table. Everyone looked to Chan, to see when he would snap and smack his fingers on the table. "Dreams are fleeting, you know."

"Yes, well it was a good dream. I had a dream that butterfly was coming to me and sat upon a flower by me in a field. And it made me very happy."

"I wouldn't take it too seriously," Yu replied, finishing up her last bit of kimchi and rice. "Seonghwa is gone off to a better place, either in this world or the next. If she comes back, it's her will."

"Yes, but I don't think it was Seonghwa."

"Ah, who then?"

"I don't know," Hansu replied, picking up a beer bottle from a server (he owned the place, he had a right to drink his own stuff, eh?). "But it made me happy. I'm not even sure if it was a she."

"You should be cautious about your dreams," Chan said, offering his advice. "My wife once had a dream that she would have three daughters. Instead, we had three sons, and they were all rotten eggs."

"That's not a very nice thing to say about your children," Yu said. "I mean, even if they're all in re-education programs (i.e. jail) and they have never successfully graduated to full citizenship, they're still your children."

"It's a disgrace when you put your whole life to raising your children, and they continually ignore you. And when they step out into the world, everyone blames you for failing to raise them properly! I still say they're rotten eggs, because they'll never learn."

"Ah, I don't think it had anything to do with eggs and such," Hansu said. "I just had a good dream. And it's made me very happy. Simple joys are fleeting, yes?"

"Whatever you say," Choe said, just as Chan smacked down on the table.

"Go smoke, already!" he cried. Choe removed his hand from the table as he continued to anxiously pace his fingers on his leg. Meanwhile, underneath the table, Hansu could feel Hong and Yu trading money - apparently for a bet. Hansu snickered.

"And don't think that I know about your betting habits, Yu and Hong!" Chan said. "But even you would agree with me that Choe's finger tapping is annoying as hell!"

"But we don't go smacking his fingers on the table. That's the amusing part."

Chan muttered to himself some choice words, while everyone else continued to enjoy their time. It was a good day so far, and despite the drunk men at the other table, the customers were kind and courteous. Just as important, the cooks were on schedule.

"Hansu-ya!" An old familiar voice cried out to hiim. He turned around to face the door, and saw No Seongmi, the astrologer. She had apparently come back for another visit. "Seongmi-ya!" he replied, getting up from his seat to embrace her. "Why are you here today?"

"I had a visit from some spirits today. They said that you would be happy today. I thought that maybe Seonghwa had come back."

Hansu frowned a little bit. "No, not quite. But I did have a good dream last night." He brought her back to their table, where Seongmi perked an ear to Hansu's tale. "You might like to hear this."

"Indeed," she replied. "You know I love a good dream."

"Well, I was sitting in a field of flowers, and I was picking up a good dozen or so. They were all so pretty and they smelled good too. But sometime in the middle of the day, there was a butterfly that came around, and I almost thought nothing of it. You know - flowers, butterflies, they go together. It wasn't until I noticed that the butterfly was following me though. And I stopped picking the flowers and I saw the butterfly sit on a flower in the field. I thought to myself that this was a very happy thing..."

At that instant, Seongmi graced Hansu's arm. Usually, it was a sign that something bad was about to happen; and so, Hansu immediately froze in his speech.

"Butterflies don't stay long with their hosts," she said. "But while they do stay, the occasion is happy and bright. Be kind to your visitors."

"I am kind."

"Yes, but you will have a special visitor."

"Is it...?"

"No."

Hansu frowned once more, but he didn't let the news crumble his spirit. After all, he somehow knew that that was the answer. But now that he had heard this from Seongmi, he wondered who this visitor would be. "Do I know her?"

"He will come sometime soon," Seongmi said, rising to her feet. "But do not expect him to stay long."

"Do I know him?"

"I don't know," she replied, with a bright smile about her face. "But he will certainly know you. Don't worry, they will reveal themselves. I must go."

Seongmi left just as soon, heading out the door. She brushed up against another visitor, coming into the bar just as she left. And at once, Hansu thought nothing more of the dream or of what she had just told him. Instead, he turned around to his old patrons and raised his bottle, "Well, good times to come," he said.

Choe was less optimistic. "Maybe."

http://i159.photobucket.com/albums/t156/daehanjeiguk/Companies/MBC.png

Disappointments Continue Into First Matchday

GREAL - If you're a pessimist, you'll note that the Han have not won a match since WC44, and furthermore have lost every friendly match since WC42. If you're an optimist, you'll note that the Han have lost only their last 2 matches of 2 total. Still, that's a disappointment, considering that the Han are currently ranked within the top 10 in the world. And so... what is the big deal about these ranks? If the Han can hardly manage a 2-2 draw against Greal, how are they expected to fare against top-side Candelarisian or Taeshite teams? "Lose, lose, lose," remarked one official. "The Han team is way too over-rated, and I think you're going to see that qualification is going to be as tough as it's ever been. The fact that Ioshido Toki has begun to shuffle things around in an apparent appeal to fans since last season is all the more troubling, because he's putting young kids into untested waters. I'd be surprised if the Han qualified at all."

So ranks aren't the whole story, and it seems that despite the pool of talent, the Han will struggle through this tournament. "If the Han do manage to qualify, don't expect them to get out to the Second Round so neatly and nicely. In fact, I'm going on a long wire to guess that the Han - if they qualify at all - will only make third place in their group. The quality of players is not lacking, but the team cohesiveness is just appalling." Indeed, competitiveness in the IFL has left some players scarred in their attempts to out-do one another. The ideal of professional players competing for the highest competition in the world is not materializing in the Han Imperial Squad.

And that leaves us - the fans - with a dilemma. We'd like to have a younger squad, but at the cost of experience as well? We'd like to have a winning squad, but at the cost of youthful exuberance? Indeed, I think it's time that we went to back to the old basics - the fans need to come out and support their squad. Nevermind that the IFA should look to replace Ioshido Toki! Nevermind that some players could be locked away in museums overnight! Nevermind the troubles that we will have over the season! Have we forgotten who our greatest enemy is? The ref! Yes, so now we - the fans - must unite against the ref! Because after all, it is the ref who gave us those ridiculous second-half free kicks within FIVE %$#^ %$#^ %$#^ minutes that gave away the game to the Greali home side. Yes, the ref also missed those opportunities for that penalty in the first half, thousands of fouls in the course of play, and that ridiculous hand-ball that went out for a goal kick on the Greali end of the field. Indeed, why should we bother with Ioshido Toki, when we've got bigger problems with the ref?

And it all boils down to the fact that those SLANI refs are being hired by SLANI officials (literally and figuratively). So when we come back for that encounter in Cheonjin, I want every single fan cheering for the Imperial Squad, and every boos reserve for those bad calls. We must unite against the SLANI refs! With any luck, we'll cheer our way back into the World Cup!

Jenny's finger traced the large print of the Yuarrheer City Chronicle's page three headline, her mouth sounding out the words as she read it aloud to her teammates.

"Tee-a...Teem. Team skories...Team Scores on Val...Valanora. Team Scores On Valanora. Is that right, Doctor?"

Dengly sighed. He'd slacked off in Med School in order to rake in a profit in a private clinic, not teach little girls to read on a football team.

"Yes, Jenny. Er...Give me the paper, so reading one article doesn't take all day, hm?"

Little brat. She always bossed The Team around, now that Sergeant Kloom was confined to a stretcher.
Dengly tore the newspaper from Jenny's reluctant fingers, and began to read the article.

In the opening game of the World Cup, The Team, our nation's finest Death Row institution, played the national team of Valanora. While Valanora is woefully foreign, they rank #1 in the world, out a great many other equally or even more foreign teams. While our sports journalists all specialize in proper sports, such as Bobsled, Gauntlet-Running, and Grenade Toss, they did their research and had concluded that The Team was going to score -2 points on Valanora.

So it came as a shock and an embarrassment to everyone involved when The Team, in the midst of a match which they were behind by two, managed to score a goal on the opposing team. This event will keep Sports Analysts scratching their heads for days.

It occurred in the second half, after the Valanoran Marauders (a team which has been named with style and class in mind) dominated the first half in terms of scoring, and even held their own in terms of technical play. While they were hopelessly outmatched by Midfielders Uqk and Aqk, and were gagging at the stench of the corpse Mr. Curry, they were able to give as good as they got.

Calla Soler, a forward for the Marauders, was approached by Dr. Dengly who gave her his usual pack of lewd pick-up lines. She responded well, landing a single, devastating kick to Dengly's groin while the referees back was turned. Dengly received a Yellow Card for curling into the fetal position, and the crowd screamed their approval to Soler.

At this point, Dengly paused in his narrative to adjust the ice-pack he held to his unmentionables. He still hadn't worked up the courage to look at them yet. As a pseudo-medical man, he knew exactly what sort of horrors might await him there.

After receiving a Red Card for repeatedly pinching Marauder Captain Laborious Hawk's nerve-endings, Uqk and Aqk left the field without protest, to the surprise of everyone present. Rumor has it that they left the pitch and proceeded to tear up the Marauders' locker room, though this has not been confirmed.

Brother Uqk looked at Brother Aqk. They said nothing. Uqk shook his head at the misinformed newspaper, and went back to counting the silver coins he'd collected from Orophin Anárion's padlocked locker.

By the time the second half came around, Mr. R.H. Curry had acquired a formidable cloud of flies which kept va Drake from contributing much but complaints about his stomach, but Soldarian held up that side of the pitch, keeping the ball away from the bewildered His Majesty, and ignoring Substitute Defender Cory Wolkjinhis, who was too busy wiring an explosive to pay attention to the match. Despite this, Om Nom was still able to inhale the ball as Soldarian tried to score, though the Keeper soon coughed it back out, after realizing that Wolkjinhis had inflated it with nerve gas.

Failing to kick it up the pitch, the ball was taken into possession by a curious His Majesty, who was able to keep it from the Marauders by hiding the ball between his feet, in the space normally reserved for incubating eggs. Attempts by Marauder forwards to retrieve the ball were fended off by His Majesty's thrusting beak. It eventually, His Majesty was driven away from the ball by the late Mr. Curry's swarm of flies, which then passed the ball up the field to Rand Hanhoolie. Rand took offense at the sudden arrival of the ball and kicked it without aiming, and it bounced off of the unmoving form of Sergeant Kloom, who was propped up on a cot in front of the goal.

The bounce carried to ball gracefully into Tinehtelë's waiting arms. However, Tinehtelë let the ball drop after noticing that Rand Hanhoolie had taken out a revolver and was pointing it at him meaningfully. It fell within the goal, and was the first goal of The Team's new career. The revolver tactic has been hailed as blatant cheating, passed off as luck (Rand himself claims his was actually aiming into the crowd because he thought he saw Uqk and Aqk robbing a food vendor in the stands), and denounced as clever thinking.


Jenny frowned. So far, the article did not mention her, or the fact that she'd managed to steal the ball from Dwier Titenburg Jr twice and kept control of the ball for long periods during the game, since the Elven team had been hesitant to tackle a small, human girl. This attitude had changed in the second half, when Angrod Minyatur discovered that small, human girls have a tendency to bite, scream, and kick people in the shins.

The Marauders, having been scored on by an untested team, decided that enough was enough, and counter-attacked. Razov fooled Om Nom into leaving the field, after pointing out that a sausage vendor was in the second row (total damages resulting: C327), and His Majesty decided to go to sleep after Hawk bought him off with fish. Wolkjinhis, at this point, had finished his bomb, but was easily outmaneuvered by the Marauders, who distracted him with internet memes.

The Team heard an angry outburst from an adjacent room. Wolkjinhis was on his computer, reading the same article online, while posting on alt.terror.nitroglycerine, listening to his extensive BuyTunes library, surfing smutty sites, chatting on irc, and downloading wares. The source of his swearing was either offense taken at the content of the article, or that he'd just discovered that Om Nom had eaten his two-day old pizza.

After Soldarian took the pass from Hizzen Hocn, he managed to muster enough strength into the kick that the ball popped, releasing nerve-gas into the swarm of flies which menaced him. Wolkjinhis remains unapologetic about the inclusion of the gas, despite the abuse of his teammates, and the mournful look on Mr. Curry's decaying face. Needless to say, the deflated ball flopped to a halt inside the net, just as the game came to a close.

Dengly looked up, puzzled.

"They didn't say whether we won or lost," he said. "How does that work, anyways?"

"Hello, and welcome to Quod FM, broadcasting live from the Eli F. Baker Memorial Arena here in Zyarn. We have a packed capacity crowd of almost 150 here tonight, ready to watch Quintessence of Dust take on Sorthern Northland in their opening encounter in Group 8 of the qualifying for World Cup 45. I'm Brian Gobbleson, and joining me in the studio is Ron McMarsh, who will be commenting on FTV's opening Strictly Come Ironing show."

"Hullo Brian, hullo Sue, it looks to be a cracker as the Assistant Secretary for Geothermal Energy, Björk Kjartansdóttir, faces a stiff challenge from political economist Hula-Hoop "Oslo" Sandwichson of the State University of Pulona."

"Hmm, well, anyway, down below us a display organized by the Department of National Identity and Cultural Identity is going on, celebrating the historic diversity of Quintessence of Dust while emphasising the interconnected nature of global society. The teams line up ready for their national anthems, and a short address by the Secretary of NICE on the importance of footballers setting positive messages on the dangers of drunk driving, and Ron, perhaps a tough opener for the Quodite squad?"

"Yes, I think the Secretary's made a bold move in using a geothermal-powered iron to highlight the importance of renewable energy; Professor Sandwichson using a more traditional model, a circa 1980s plastic EconoIron in beige with crimson handle. You'll note the floral pattern of his ironing board, very conventional; Kjartansdóttir, again going for the audience vote, perhaps, choosing a more psychedelic pattern, bright fractal swirls of pink and green: let's just hope those creases show up on such a background. Brian."

"Anyway, the game commences, the whistle blows, and Hyi-san taps it to Andrews, rolled back to Edwards. A good game looms tonight in the bitter cold of Zyarn, gloves and woolly hats abound as, breaths frosting in the air, the players take the ball over to the midway point of the Quodite half. Both teams using attacking formations tonight, both looking to break down the wings, and big games for the centre halves tonight. Ron?"

"Yes, I agree, and moreover, I think Secretary Kjartansdóttir's choice of lacy underwear represents an ironic choice, contrasting with her emphasis on exploiting the geothermal energy sources of the deep south. And, I shouldn't imagine too many male viewers will be complaining. Professor Sandwichson with a more normal choice, perhaps, two shirts and one pair of trousers, and..."

"Sorthern Northland take the lead! Coming up inside the first 15 minutes, pretty end to end stuff, Roger Longhorn and Jon Andrews both had good strikes blocked, but it's the Northlanders who've taken the lead with an enigmatic goal from Anthony Higgins. A solid cross in from Uang Shi on the left, and the Quodite defence, lacking of course their lynchpin Charlie Williams, failed to clear. Higgins picked it up at the edge of the area and blasted it in."

"And there's excitement here too, Brian, as the competitors unveil their choices of ironing location. As expected, Kjartansdóttir taking to the icy lakes of Zyarn, not far from the stadium itself, indeed. She'll be ironing her frillies between vents of hot lava erupting from the young coastal crust. Sandwichson, ooh, he's going to struggle to match that, but he's really gone for it: he's going to be ironing at the downtown intersection of 4th and 9th in the capital, Highmark City, wearing only a large sandwich board saying 'I DISPUTE THE CONTEMPORARY RELEVANCE OF POLITICAL CORRECTNESS' in bold letters, damn, that's a brave man, Brian. He's going to be lucky not to get his ass blown away."

"And back here, with, you know, actual sport, another blow for the trailing Quodites. Frederic Renard, who started slowly on the right and struggled to contain Shi, is limping after only 28 minutes, desperately disappointing in what may be his last World Cup qualifying campaign. But it gives an opportunity for another old-timer, Tom O'Leary, to come on. He was unused in the last campaign, will be itching for a solid performance tonight."

"And they're off! Kjartansdóttir is going to HALO jump in, she's out of the aircraft and plummeting earthwards, parachute trailing her, ironing board neatly tucked under one arm, and she's going to have to be careful not to rumple her knickers on landing. Sandwichson, meanwhile, desperately trying to hail a cab, and not surprisingly, not having a great deal of luck so far."

"The first half comes to a close, and not much to show for it from the Quodites. They trail 1-0, and have looked out of form all evening. A long break for them, having failed to take part in the post World Cup 44 Cup of Harmony, and rust clearly showing. Some sparks by Longhorn, and excellent tackling by Peter Rogers, but he's played very deep all half and showed none of the skill currently delighting his fans at MN Smith in Candelaria And Marquez. There'll be stern words from coach Jerry Dixon at half-time. Meanwhile, the fans will be entertained during the break by the national men's gymnastics team's interpretation of The Vagina Monologues."

"And over here, Brian, Kjartansdóttir steaming into the lead, literally. Sandwichson is really struggling, he's tried to go by tram but forgot to purchase a Large Goods Exemption and is being held up the conductor while he tries to pay the difference for his board, not good at all. Kjartansdóttir, meanwhile, already on location, and after a moment's struggle locking her board into place. She'll have to wait for her iron to charge, but she's got a big lead already, really impressive stuff from the young Assistant Energy Secretary."

"The teams are out again after half-time, and there's been a change: young Anton Fry is on for the Northlanders, replacing goal-scorer Higgins on the right. And we're away again, here at the Eli F. Baker Memorial Arena. Good attacking football in the first half, but the home team clearly labouring to win territory in the final third. Their crossing game has been really off today, playing most of it through the centre. And Achten's lost the ball! It's running into dangerous territory, Andrews chasing it, can Marberger get there? Ooh dear, desperate lunge by Andrews, rather overdramatic reaction from Marberger, hmm, not really called for, and he won't earning away Oscars for that one - but Andrews will be earning a booking, the first of the night, and it's a shame for the Northlanders, losing a promising opportunity."

"On that note, Brian, Kjartansdóttir going steadily, she's already through her first bra, neatly folded to one side, while Sandwichson, well, it's almost over for him, I'm afraid: he's managed to get set up, but has chosen a terrible time, as Quodite workers hustle outside their offices for a smoke, and he's getting barged off the pavement, trying to keep their cigarette butts away from his clean laundry, difficult times for the academic."

"More substitutions here at the Arena, and more chances go awry. Graham on for the Northlanders, replacing Krofcky, and Seamus O'Brien, O'Leary's brother-in-law, getting his first cap as well tonight, on for a very out-of-form Jessica Jensen, who has been very, very disappointing tonight. Shots from Rogers, Littlefellow and Achten all saved, Andrews has hit the post, and Hyi-San skimmed one over the top. Gripping stuff."

"Oh, but surely it can't top this: Kjartansdóttir has finished her ironing! That's right, she's got excellent creases on those pants, really good lines on the bra, and some intricate ironwork on the thong, great control, great technique. She's surely going to be a strong contender for the final, and she puts the ironing in the basket, folds up her board, and ready to resume. Sandwichson still stuck on the left leg of the trousers, perhaps ruing the decision not to bank a shirt to build up confidence, he's having trouble in the crotch."

"Quintessence of Dust equalise! 67 minutes in, and the game goes to 1-1. Another basketball-like sequence of play, and Dennis Young, their all-time top scorer, grabs his 20th goal. A superb piece of individual skill by Peter Rogers, then a great feed out wide to Roger Longhorn who banged in the cross, and Young towering over the defence to head in off the bar. Not the most convincing of his career: but no sign of the crowd caring about that, they've gone absolutely wild, some have even stopped doing the crossword and looked up momentarily, wild scenes here at the Eli F. Baker Memorial Arena."

"And wild scenes in Highmark City, as Sandwichson goes from bad to worse, yes, just when things couldn't get any bleaker: he has burned a hole in the top pocket of the cream shirt with apricot collar, terrible news for him, there'll be major points deductions. And as he tries to defend his board against pushing by irate people who've noticed his racist sandwichboard, great trouble for Sandwichson. Kjartansdóttir almost home, skiing flawlessly across the tundra, the finish line is in sight for her now."

"Dino Achten has just picked up a yellow card for a needless late tackle on Fry, and a promising free kick for the Northlanders. Everyone hurling themselves back into defence now, a draw would be a great result for the Quodites. And...safely over the bar, back into the top row of the crowd. Wasted chance. Achten now seeing a different kind of yellow as he takes up the captain's armband. Theo Littlefellow running off, they're bringing on Guilermo Azzinio to bolster the defence.

"Now, Achten again, heading back down to Marberger. Marberger, brushes off Edwards, through ball to Rogers. Rogers, holding off Cooper, still holding off as Mills comes in, he's released Longhorn in space, but Mills intercepts it! Mills now, breaking away down the pitch, he's got nothing but grass in front of him, everyone rushing back, can they catch him? Mills, options to his left, spreads it to Shi, takes it past Yellowback, Shi with the cross - Mill leaps - it's a goal! What a goal from the centre-back! Mills, meeting the cross with a spectacular header, Furman helpless, terrible defending by the Quodites, who are 2-1 down now with barely 15 minutes on the clock.

"And from the restart: oh no, terrible error by Rogers, showing his tiredness as he lets the ball past him, Andrews snaffles it up - knocks it forward. AND GRAHAM HITS A SCORCHER! This is unbelievable, two goals in 60 seconds for the Northlanders, the Quodites shellshocked."

"They look almost as bad as Sandwichson -"

"And now, 3-1 down, surely it's all over bar the shouting. They're throwing everyone forward, last ditch effort now, as from the restart Yellowback takes it wide, spreads it up to O'Leary, inside to Marberger, across to Rogers, to O'Brien, to Longhorn, to Young...Young...Young! - crosses it: and Johnson scores! I've never seen anything like it, the crowd have gone haywire, three, no four of them are standing up now, it's a raucous, unbelievable, incredible, demented mood here tonight as Quintessence of Dust drag one back, and it's Ronald Johnson on his international debut with a fantastic header."

"And over here, Kjartansdóttir has won, with a great time, and the judges now inspecting her underwear, good lines, clean edges, a minor crease on the left cup may mean deductions on the bra, but a very competitive score at the end for Kjartansdóttir, 119.8, that'll be tough to beat. She's delighted, speaking to the press on the importance of geothermal energy. And poor Professor Sandwichson, he's really stranded now, his shirt in disarray, he's dropped his trousers, so they'll need reironing. Just ironing for consolation points now, it could be a long night for him - Brian."

"Well, thank you Ron, the game closes 3-2. A riveting game of football we've seen here tonight, absolutely end to end stuff, the stats say it all: 17 shots on target, 24 shots in total, but in the end, the Northlanders just too powerful for the Quodites, who really came alive in the second half. A good game, but the early defeat will mean added pressure for Dixon and Littlefellow as they prepare for tomorrow's must-win against Noásahi in the considerably warmer environs of the Sam-is-That? Stadium on North Island. We'll be there for coverage and commentary, until then, good night."

"He's forgot to loosen the zipper, and his trousers are really failing him fast now..."

Koseli Cumhuriyetler vs Logria
PreviewLivePost Match

Location: Uzumcu Stadi, Gokcenk, Kose Sehir

The Turks look to make it 2 wins in a row as they host World Cup newbies, Logria who come into the game off the back of a shocking 2-1 win over qualification challengers Jasi'yun. The Turks have been made firm favorites to overwhelm their weaker opposition, but in light of their recent result betting firms have offered very favorable odds on a score draw or a defeat for the Turks.

That would possibly spark off another Kose Sehir riot, which was devastating last time, one wonders what a defeat to Logria would cause. In all honesty that doesn't look like happening, experience on the world stage should shine through if eventually. Furthermore sheer talent seems to put our newbie visitors at a disadvantage ex-international Hakan Ismir is at the helm and has proved himself at the international level as a player and as a coach reaching one final in each career area. (BoF final and CoH final.) both against Newmanistan, both defeats.

We should expect the opponents to make a good go of it, but we should prevail.

Written by Caliskan Umut

THE MONASTIC FOOTBALL ASSOCIATION
BRINGS YOU

THE SAINT OF THE DAY

The Away Match Against Urna Eletrônica

The Holy Martyrs Basiliscus, Eutropius and Cleonicus

"Politicians", mused Fr. Anthony "was there nothing they would not stoop to?"

Though the political squad from Urna Eletrônica had sorely afflicted the national football team with any number of footballing tortures, even leading through a goal from Lula, eventually the god-fearing monks had overcome all obstacles before them, and won through two miraculously late free kicks from Fr. Vladimir.

Fr. Anthony's mind turned to the Holy Martyrs Basiliscus, Eutropius and Cleonicus who suffered at the hands of a local politician in the city of Pontine Amasea in about the year 308.

The brothers Eutropius and Cleonicus, and Basiliscus were comrades. After the martyric death of Basicilicus' uncle St Theodore, they wound up in a prison as dull, dark, and unwelcoming as Urna Eletrônica's home ground.

When he tortured St Theodore, the local governor Publius perished shamefully, struck down by divine wrath - let that be a lesson to those who would take an undeserved early lead against the Archregimancy! Asclepiodotus was chosen as ruler of Amasea, and was more inhumane than his predecessor. Knowing the comrades of St Theodore the Recruit were all in prison, the governor commanded that they be brought to him. Sts Eutropius, Cleonicus and Basiliscus thus firmly confessed their faith in Christ before this new governor. They were mercilessly beaten, so that their bodies were entirely bruised. Similar tactics were used by Urna Eletrônica at the command of their dread (and possibly dead) manager Deodoro da Fonseca, who commanded the troops at his command to foul the holy Orthodox opposition as often as possible, causing many bruises to Fathers Innocent and Herman, whilst also earning no fewer than six yellow cards for the home team in the first half alone.

At the time of torture , Fathers Innocent and Herman remembered the prayer of St Eutropius, who proclaimed: "Grant us, O Lord, to endure these wounds for the sake of the crown of martyrdom, and help us, as You helped Your servant Theodore."

The home crowd became outraged at the tactics of their team of politicians. They began to urge da Fonseca to halt the violent tactics. Seeing that the people were distraught and ready to vote for another political party, the home coach commanded the fouling to stop. Still, the violence eventually backfired when continued fouling towards the end of the match led to the Archregimancy's late winners.

The Holy Martyrs were not so lucky. On the day after they had been tortured, they brought the martyrs to a pagan temple, to force them to offer sacrifice. Eutropius began to entreat the Savior: "Lord, be with us, and destroy the raging of the pagans. Grant that on this place the Bloodless Sacrifice of the Christians be offered to You, the true God." These last words of prayer had no sooner been spoken, than an earthquake began, the walls of the temple collapsed, and the statue of the goddess Artemis was smashed to bits. Everyone fled from the temple so as not to be crushed among the rubble. In the noise of the earthquake a voice was heard from on high: "Your prayer has been heard, and on this place a house of Christian prayer shall be built."

When the earthquake ended, the governor Asclepiodotus, barely recovered from his fright, gave orders to drive high wooden stakes into the ground, tie the martyrs to them and pour boiling tar over them. The saints began to pray to God, and Eutropius cried out turning to the torturers: "May the Lord turn your deed against you!"

The tar began to flow beside the bodies of the martyrs, like water with marble, scorching the torturers. Those seeing this fled in terror, but the governor in his bitterness gave orders to rake their bodies with iron hooks and to sting their wounds with mustard mixed with salt and vinegar. The saints endured these torments with remarkable firmness before they were eventually executed.

The lads had got off rather lightly in comparison, thought Fr. Anthony.

West Zirconian Football Association
Cochrane House
31-35 Liverpool Street
Moorcroft MT3 3AP

My dear Keith,

Congratulations on the start of your World Cup campaign. Although the records will forever show a 3-1 defeat, I must record how impressed I was with your performance, considering that it was the first time you had played an international. By the way, you did know I was being provided with videos of all your games, didn't you?

I don't know what advice I can offer at this stage, although you need to do something about Mark's over-enthusiasm, which resulted in a colossal 73 offside decisions against him. Mind you, I'm sure he'll feel it was justified, considering he scored your goal.

One other thing - you must ignore the sniping of the opposition's press. Especially a rag like the "Port Kosovoe Courant" - whatever the hell that means. I mean, what journalist would stoop to calling opposition players "pubes"? One that needs to grow some, that's what I say. The way you hear them go on, you'd think the Islands were infected with some contagious disease, and populated by thugs intent on destroying their host country. Actually, that gives me an idea...

But I digress. There'll be easier games than this, and I'm sure that if you play the way you did against these "pubes", you'll win one eventually. I may even still be alive when it happens.

Sincerely, Damon.

Adam Scott, head of the FAH, was not a man to be put off easily. Travelling squads would be safe but it had been ‘suggested’ by the rebel group in fall uprising in Rennidan that foreign fans might just want to sit this one out. But Scott, after spending a huge amount of time, effort and the Autokrator’s money on rebuilding the Autocracy’s national side, was not about to miss the very first qualifier.

“I’m going and that’s it.”

“But there’s a war on, it’s not safe!”

“You’re such an old woman Stevens. Now get out and let me finish getting ready.”

He waited for until he was alone in the office before pressing a hidden button on the side of his desk. A section of one wall suddenly started to rotate from top to bottom revealing a collection of many objects, some shiny, some sharp and some both.

“Besides, my granddaddy said to always be prepared.”

He took a box and opened the lip to reveal a quartet of dark bladed knives. Each one found a home in sheaves built into the front of his special armour plated business suit. Twin Berettas were tucked into holsters on either hip and a 9mm was tucked into his left sock. A long bladed throwing knife was hidden in his right. Various cunning and intricate devices were taken from polished wood containers and dropped into pockets. The large shotgun was taken off its housing a dropped into the holster over one shoulder. And a curved rapier carefully placed over the other. As an afterthought he pocketed a second 9mm and, after some consideration, a punch dagger and a shiny pair of brass knuckles. Checking his appearance in the small built in mirror of the secret component he gave a small nod to his reflection and spun on his heel. And slowly, arms flailing, he collapsed backwards in a heap.

“Perhaps I will sit this one out.”

* * * * *

The next morning . . .

“Sir?”

“Hmmm, what?” Scott gradually came out of his sleep.

“I thought you went to Rennidan?”

“Rennidan? Bloody hell Stevens do you know there’s a war on there? Frankly i’m a bit upset you didn’t feel the need to tell me. Good job I found out for myself. I could have been killed!”

“But I di . . . have you been here all night.”

“Pfft, of course not. That would be ridiculous. What do you want?”

“Just dropping in your post. Why are you on the floor?”

“Well obviously i’m . . . checking . . . the . . . um . . . ceiling for . . . er . . .mould. Yes, that works. I’m checking the ceiling for mould.”

“Riiiight. Are you quite alright sir?”

“When did this become the ruddy Starblaydi inquisition? I’m fine. I just came in early and decided to do a thorough check for ceiling rot. Is that so wrong?”

“Well, no. I guess.”

“Good. Was that all?”

“There’s a delivery from the Archregimancy downstairs. They’re not sure what to do with it. Would you like it brought in?”

“Perhaps later.”

“Can I get you anything sir?”

“Actually, if you could send maintenance in to rig up some kind of pulley system that would be lovely.”

“Of course.”

“Stop smiling and get out. Oh, Stevens, what was the score?”

“Two zip to Rennidan.”

“Ruddy marvellous.”

(from the ‘Sports’ section of ‘The Bear Necessities’…)


BELLES BEAT BOTHERSOME BUNNIES…
BUT BARELY!

Invisible Wabbits 0 – 1 Bears Armed

After an ... interesting ... trio of ‘friendly’ matches, the Belles began their participation in the actual qualifiers for the next World Cup with a win, as we hoped and expected. This first qualifying game, however, was far from being the walkover that looking only at the relative rankings of the two teams beforehand would have suggested should be the case. Then again, the Belles own record during the previous World Cup’s qualifying stage should have told people not to underestimate newcomers…

”Playing against opponents whom you can’t see isn’t exactly an easy thing to do,” commented the Belles’ captain Harroya o Redwood when we spoke with her shortly after the match. ”Admittedly their kit was visible enough, but not being able to see their faces made working out their intentions much harder… and of course it was harder keeping track of which of them was which, and so should be in which position, too. Besides that, I’m sure that several of them should have been penalised for using their hands to strike the ball but got away with that because the officials didn’t actually see them do so, as well: They said that they were only using their ears, but I don’t believe them …”

The Wabbits’ own captain, Harry McWabbit took the first shot of the game… and almost scored the first goal of the game, too: He kicked the ball down into the ground, and it somehow tunnelled almost all of the way to the Belles’ goal before surfacing! Fortunately our goalie Urra Thunder saw it break back through the turf, and managed to intercept it in time, but she had to really stretch to do this and pulled a muscle in her right leg: Charra o Barrdenn was substituted for her then, and filled the goal for the rest of the match. The medics say that if Urra rests properly then, although she’ll have to miss the next match — which is yet another ‘away’ one — she should be fit enough to be the substitute goalie in the following game which is the team’s first ‘home’ match of this campaign. Charra will therefore be the Belles’ starting goalkeeper in the intervening game, with Irritti o OldWood (#33) substituting for her if necessary.
Beorra o Barrdenn managed to take the ball away from one of the Wabbits shortly after that, and ran in close to their goal before launching a shot that should have scored: The Wabbits’ own goalie (Roger McWabbit) was leaning casually against the left-hand post, so Beorra kicked the ball right up towards the top-right corner of the net... but Roger just stretched out his arm, all the way across the goal-mouth, and caught it! That disappointment set the pattern for remainder of the first half, during which the Wabbits held possession of the ball for almost three-quarters of the time (“Have you ever tried carrying out a legal tackle against a player who’s running on his hands and juggling the ball with his feet? Or one who’s apparently using prehensile ears to hold the ball firmly on top of his head?” retorted Beorra, when a journalist working for a certain other newspaper questioned whether maybe she couldn’t have done more...) but fortunately seemed much more interested in showing off to each other — and to the audience, whose Wabbit members (whom, although we couldn’t see, we certainly could hear...) presumably could see them — than in scoring goals. The Belles did manage another three shots at the Wabbit’s goal, but Roger McWabbit stopped all of those while actually lying down on the goal-line...
The second half initially looked as though it would go very much as the first had done, resulting in a drawn game (which would have been the Belles’ third in succession, after the scoreless-but-definitely-exciting friendlies against Jeru FC and The Holy Empire) or even a loss to those unseen opponents, but in the 76th minute the Belles were awarded a free kick because a couple of the Wabbits had been caught blatantly tickling Urra ‘Honey’ SunBlessed and Urra herself — from only just inside the Wabbits’ half — took a long shot that paid off: Roger McWabbit was busy chatting with some supporters, and didn’t see the ball coming as Honey sent it halfway down the field and right into the net for what turned out to be the only goal of the game. The Wabbits seemed to lose interest a bit after that, and Harroya o Redwood told the rest of the Belles to play it safe and try just to hold the score where it was... which they successfully did.

Coming up next, yet another ‘away’ game: this time it’s against the team from a nation called Bushdome, about whom we know nothing except that they’re ranked about where the Belles were at this stage in the previous Cup and that they lost their opening game of this series — which was against a team that stands between them and the Belles in ranking — by 3 goals to none.

(OOC: all my RPs during this World Cup will have references [just a few, the RP will have no direct link with the songs] to songs from a certain singer . In this cup it'll be one, in the next one I plan to repeat this with another singer)

WORLD CUP 32 - GLOBO MULTIMEDIA'S ARCHIVE
Matchday 13 of WC32 qualifying stage

"And this was surely the best game ever for the Cafundelense National Team. In a tough game, with many fouls, injured players, violence and some good football, the Monopolists were able to defeat Oliverry, the 4th best-ranked nation of the world, by the result of 1x0. In a game that everyone expected to see Cafundéu losing, the red and black team surprised, showing a good football and good emotional control, being able to take the lead and then control it until the end of the game. And, to make things even more impressive, the victory came while playing in the home of our opponent! So, surely defeating Oliverry at their country will enter to our country's history."

"With this result, Cafundéu's qualification for the World Cup is almost assured, something that no one could predict from the current runner-ups of the Baptism of Fire. But it seems that the Monopolists will really qualify to the World Cup in their first attempt, showing a promising future for this National Team, currently ranked 104th. The whole footballing world seems to be impressed by this team that arrived just now, out of nowhere, like in an invasion. When the qualifiers started, Cafundéu seemed to be an alien in the middle of so many respected nation, but now the kids of the team are viewed with close attention. As the words of a famous Oliverry football commentator: "it looks that they are here to stay." It must be the truth."

"Talking about kids, we have to comment about an incredible oddisey that happened involving three children. Football fanatics, Matheus (8), Daniel (13) and Caroline (10) just left home saying that they were going to watch a football match. What their parents (different parents, by the way) didn't know is that the game was exactly Oliverry against Cafundéu, to be played in Oliverry! And, even more surprising, they made it! They saved money for months in order to buy the tickets, which they made via internet using the credit card of an older friend (who is now blamed by the parents as the main responsible for the situation), and travelled to Oliverry in his car! We found them after the game, while leaving the stadium, and could exchange some words:"

REPORTER - "Why did you want so hard to watch this football game?"

DANIEL - "Because I knew Cafundéu was going to win, and we wanted to see them defeating the big boys."

REPORTER - "But what about your parents?"

CAROLINE - "We told them... although we didn't say which game it was exactly..."

REPORTER - "Don't you know you're driving your mothers and fathers insane?"

MATHEUS - "We didn't intend to."

DANIEL - "We are already going home, they shouldn't worry."

REPORTER - "Well, thanks for talking to us."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[I]Additional info (stadiums):

MD2 (Terreiro de Ogum): Obelisco Monumental, Lasft (cap. 300,000)
MD5 (Sarzonia): Estádio Rei Albieri Van Tocco, Cafundó do Juta (cap. 210,000)
MD7 (Quintessence of Dust): Maracatuzão, Dunboor (cap. 135,000)
MD8 (Noásahi): Estádio Nacional dos Cocos, Porto Lacruz (cap. 65,000)
MD10 (Yafalonia and Bazor 2): Arena Multiuso Dra. Veiga, Astari (cap. 100,000)
MD12 (Greston): Cúpula Tropical, Ilha Eremita (cap. 55,000)
MD13 (Sorthern Northland): Presídio, Carandirú City (cap. 75,000 - we plan to bring 150,000... after all, they are mostly prisoners, they won't mind the overcrowd problem)

Greali World Cup Qualifying Schedule
MD1: Greal VS Daehanjeiguk (2-2)
MD2: Greal VS Candelaria And Marquez
MD3: Greal VS Mo Land 3
MD4: Greal VS Achtervolging
MD5: Greal VS Cassadaigua
MD6: Greal VS Taeshan
MD7: Greal VS Albundania
MD8: Greal VS Daehanjeiguk
MD9: Greal VS Candelaria And Marquez
MD10: Greal VS Mo Land 3
MD11: Greal VS Achtervolging
MD12: Greal VS Cassadaigua
MD13: Greal VS Taeshan
MD14: Greal VS Albundania


Greal VS Candelaria And Marquez

Greal will be playing Candelaria And Marquez today, currently they are ranked 15th in the world. Though they are a formidable team, the Greali has a better chance of winning this map, compared to last year. High ranked, Greali team players hardened by the WC and CoH matches. Victory will not come easy, but you can be sure the Greali will do their DAMN BEST TODAY. With seats sold out very quickly in a few hours, this match is expected to draw more viewers, building on the number of viewers watch the last match playing the Han Empire. The Greali team will be playing in their standard formation. The president will not be watching the match according to the spokesman, though many bloggers suggest he might do it secretly without the publicity. Weather Service reports clear skies which will boost morale for both sides certainly. You can watch the Greali game against Candelaria and Marquez on channel 27 LIVE.

In other group matches...

Cassadaigua will be playing Albundania today.

The Han Empire will be playing Taeshan.

Mo Land 3 will be playing Achtervolging.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Its the big day guys."

"Lets go."

Minutes later...

"Damn, this place is packed."

"I hope you reserved a table."

"I did. The one in front."

"With full view of the game? Nice."

"It cost me only a hundred bucks."

"The previews are starting."

"I'll get something to drink, what do you guys want."

"Beer."

"Yeah, sure Beer to."

"I don't want anything."

"Here you go folks."

"Thanks."

"Worked hard all day?"

"Of course. Anything to make a few extra bucks in case I lose this bet."

As Alex sat at his desk, the feeling of unease which had been filling him for the past week again pushed him close to throwing up. He had read the signs, listened to the people. But when he tried to warn authorities, they wouldn't have a bar of it. No one wanted to believe a civil war was possible. The media still glossed over it, calling it 'a time of unrest'. There was no official stance from the government. But every day things got worse. What appeared to be lawlessness was infact calculated mayhem caused by a certain number of disaffected Sandrians who were determined to cause trouble.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Peisandros has lost to Bostopia in their first qualification game. The game was always going to be hard for the Sandrians to get a result, as Bostopia are one classy outfit. With their ridiculously young and well drilled side, they came to Olympia with the win firmly in their sights. After the first twenty minutes it became clear this was going to be a tight affair though. The Sandrians fought hard to keep up with the very fit youngsters but went in to half time on even footing. Both teams came out rejuvenated, but it wasn't look before the 16yr olds were clearly the more dangerous and likely to score.

Fitness appeared to be the difference in the end, as the teens continued to run and run and run. Finally in the 81st minute the Sandrian defence collapsed horribly. Manos and Roubanis couldn't run any longer and the strikers waltzed through to score a relatively easy goal, Charlie Humber getting the tap in past Calisto Pappas. Immediately Coach Pappas made two changes in defence, putting on a 16yr old of his own in Nikos Maximos and exciting talent Luke Erasmus in place of the two exhausted aforementioned players. The changes sured up the defence and no more goals were conceded, which could prove vital down the line.

So a 1-0 loss at home and the Sandrian team has a lot of work to do if they are to pick themselves up. Next up is a toughy in Colbourne on the road. Atleast a point is vital here to get the campaign up and running.

Full Schedule.
Pre Friendlies
vs Bears Armed @ National Sports Arena, Olympia. 2-1.
Qualifying Stage One.
vs Bostopia @ National Sports Arena, Olympia. 0-1
vs Colbourne @ People of Ephesum Stadium, Ephesum.
vs Bazalonia @ Peisandros Bowl, Delphi.
at Edward City.
vs Lurikastan @ People of Ephesum Stadium, Ephesum.
at Kura-Pelland.
vs Mantwenic @ National Sports Arena, Olympia.
Mid Friendlies
vs Jeruselem @ National Sports Arena, Olympia.
at Ad'ihan.
Qualifying Stage Two.
at Bostopia
at Colbourne
at Bazalonia.
vs Edward City @ People of Ephesum Stadium, Ephesum.
at Lurikastan.
vs Kura-Pelland @ National Sports Arena, Olympia.
at Mantwenic
Post Friendlies
vs Myedvedeya (Unsure where).
at Krytenia.
at Taeshan.

Hillfoot Farm
Hillfoot Lane North
McLaughlin Magna ML1 1AB

Dear Damon,

Thank you for your encouraging words concerning the Kosovoe game, and may I also commend your creditable away draw.

Overall, I was pleased with the way we played. True, the scoreline doesn't lie, but there were a few positives we can take out of the match.

First of all, I think Felix played out of his skin - even when we were 3-0 down, he never let his head drop, and neither did his pace slow down. He was an example to the rest of the squad. Stuart was another one that impressed me. I'm sure the score would have been embarrassing were it not for his brave, at times foolhardy, defending. Mark, as you say, was a bit too keen, and I shall be working on that. He's happy with his goal, though - no-one can take away from him the first ever McLaughlin Islands goal.

Philip and Steve were disappointing, though. I felt they lost the ball too much between them, and that is what let Kosovoe get away with so much. I must give them another chance, of course, but they'll have to play better in the Invisible Wabbits game.

Overall, I'm not overly disappointed in our performance, and I'm fully confident you will live to see us score our first international victory.

Yours sincerely, Keith.

P.S. What's a "pube"?

Lurikastan 1–2 Bazalonia

"Do you see the big bold letters splashed across the screen?" Dean asked

"Ugh yeah. I'm not blind." Talia responded in her normal sarcastic tone of voice. They were at school just months away from their final Year 12 exams. They were in the Advanced Computer Science and were board. Their teacher had given them a task but they had already did it while the remainder of the students struggled getting through it.

They were just taking time chatting and looking around at various websites and they stumbled across this soccer fan's website.

"It's certainly ugly."

"Speaking of ugly.... The BFSA has announced changing it's name but so far hasn't done anything about it. What's up with that?"

"Speaking of Ugly... You."

"Oh, Haha Dean."

"Yeah though, they're probably just putting the finishing touches on the official criteria and what not... I'd expect it any day now. So anyway, what are we doing here? you don't even like Soccer.

"No... but I like Hector Ainsley..."

"Oh, boop. No you didn't just say that."

"What?! He's cute!... and was that a..."

"Yep. ErfWorld reference"

"Let's see if Hector scored any goals shall we?" Talia started mumbling as she started to read the contents... "Ha, yes, the second goal 63rd minute Hector scored a good shot from long range. BAM... power hit."

"Who was the other one?"

"Boop if I care."

They both started chortling among themselves which brough the Ire of their Teacher... "Talia, Dean... don't disrupt the class... If you are so bored, I want you to do a report on that website your looking at... a 200 word report on what happened during that game, and you've got the last 15 minutes of class to do it."

They both Grumbled but it was interesting reading up on the match... apparently the Bazalonian defence went lax for the last 10 minutes leaving the Lurkistani's to get their only goal in, and despite still having a bit of mucking around the two of them both finished their tasks just as the notification for the end of the period came.

"This is what happens when you fund a secret Organisation like Miso's with a Financial Black hole... I can see it... more and more money is being sucked in... The World is seemingly needed be rescued every single day and even FAIL doesn't have that much Money!" exclaimed an exasperated middle manager trying to excise the financial black hole from their books.

"Pish Posh, It's a vital service... And also part of his contract Look!" Bob Tregovsken was annoyed at the middle manager. "Follow me..."

He'd have to go to the contract safe and present the signed contract for Miso Kite. Having entered his office. He put a picture hanging out of level, opened a secret compartment in is desk, pressed a button, pulled the lamp from his desk and finally but the picture hanging to level.

As he did so the wall behind it opened with a bit of a force, knocking him down to the ground. "Why does this always happen to me." he commented rubbing his forehead and getting up. Inside was a huge stack of paper all bound together by a single ribbon.

"Here, Go get the paper lift, this contract weighs a tonne, literally."

Bob handed over the Middle management a key...

"But how can the ribbon hold all of that together if it weighs a tonne?"

"It's made out of one of those genetically modified spiders that spin extra strong silk now go get it!"

The middle manager obeyed running off for the paper lift... To be honest, it was just something to get him out of the office for a moment.

It only took a few minutes but he returned, using the paper lift it was gently taken out of the safe and placed on the desk which somehow stayed up right under the sheer weight of the paper.... It took 9 hours to find it and as they started at one in the afternoon. Well you can do the maths.

Miso Kite is so Awesome that he can call upon the funds of FAIL for any reason.

"See... I told you..."

"Sigh fine... anyway. It's almost 10pm I'm going home."

"I"m not, I'm going to watch the re-run of the first WCQ match!"

He went into his office and turned the TV, on instead of the repeat of the match a breaking news story had Big Joe's Bakery threaten to go up in smoke which would of destroyed all of Bazor 2 and 39.8 % of And Island. He looked on in Horror as a single man with IR emblazoned on his jacket entered the building and single-handedly saved the day.

That was enough excitement for one night and now he just wanted to go back home to bed.

Captain's Log, September 17th, 20,015 A.E.

It's been a troubling week, with a split from the political organization of The YoungWorld as well as that gross misrepresentation of the match last week against Forn Parts in their media. Add this into the decree from the High Priestess a few weeks past, and the side and I have been on edge this entire week. The Qualification process always has some sort of bumps and bridges, but none of us were expecting such turmoil this term. I know that many of us have friends and loved ones in the other member states of The YoungWorld and the split has caused several relationships to have become strained. The political upheaval between the traditionalists and the modernists threatened to tear apart the organization, and our government decided to withdraw before it would witness the carnage that will likely be occurring in the coming weeks. While I can commend such a proactive approach, I wonder how well it will sit among our former compatriots and if it will not accelerate the growing division between the two, as we had often played moderator between the groups. For all we know, we will be the spark that will set the entire organization ablaze, causing the very catastrophe we were attempting to avoid by our withdrawal from the organization.

The football is still good, we have always had the football to keep us distracted in times such as this, apart from the Tides of Darkness. Football still makes all those miserable problems of the secular world, it is ninety minutes of just pure passion and grace that can not be equaled in lyric, poetry, or the visual arts. For all of my philosophical inclinations, I have still found something soothing in the savagery of the sport that satiates the physical desire of superiority. I am unsure if this is a step in the right direction, one that the High Priestess, and Elune herself will approve of, but it is enough for me. When I am out there on the pitch, surrounded by those I call friends and teammates, I feel more at peace than any other activity has every come close to producing. I do not know if it the the inner workings of the type of determination and discipline that it required to be among the best in the world in the sport, or if it is the aspect of working together as unit to achieve something greater than any individual could alone. I suspect that the answer lies somewhere in between, but my mind is too bogged down in the here and now to give the idea the proper evaluation and studying that it deserves. Suffice to say, I am pleased to have this wonderful sport as a distraction in these trying times once again. Perhaps in the end, that will be enough, but now, I look forward to our next challenge.

Matchday 2 scores (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14569270&postcount=4) are now available.

OOC:Will write more on the game and our apparent civil war later, law time now!

Peisandros qualifying back on track

Peisandros has overcome Colbourne in Colbourne after a great first half strike from midfielder Praxis Nikolaidis. The win gives the Sandrians their first points of the campaign and showed an encouraging improvement from their first day loss to Bostopia. Stay tuned for further details.

Dancougar News!!
"Agile development" is code for "Eeeeeh... let's just write it and see what happens."

Macabees Macabeaten: The Black Wings escaped from the Macabees with a 1-0 victory thanks to a flash of the old Lyle Dylandy. Only two games into qualification, there's already concern in the Dancougar camp after Kosovoe and Bears Armed assumed positions at the top of the group table. The win will alleviate some of that stress and give the team some more confidence when they return home to face Bushdome on matchday three.

"We had the right response tonight," said Alexei Voronzoff. "We were able to play a tight game and generate some good chances. But most importantly, we got the win, and that's the quickest way to put a bad game behind you."

Luke Brengle made five saves to earn a clean sheet after being pulled against Qazox although, truth be told, the Macabee strikers did not ask any difficult questions of the shell-shocked 'keeper. The closest they came to scoring was a 25-yard bomb in the 68th minute that took a late dip under the crossbar. Brengle, who had been watching the flight of the ball, made a late break back to his line and managed to tip the ball over the crossbar with a well-timed jump. Although he didn't panic when the shot turned threatening, more than a few fans held their breath when they saw him scramble.

"It's the worst feeling in the world when you get beat," said Brengle, "and after three or four, it get frustrating, you know, really distracting. So I tried to step it up during practice and get myself up to speed, because there's no way the team can afford for me to do that again."

Offensively, the Wings were less flashy with a reduced midfield. Rather than play forward, Voronzoff fell back to make the alignment flat. He and Dwayne Landro shared the middle, while Dylandy and Dan Florentino took the outside. However, they were not as aggressive because of Shigeru Takeuchi's directive to be more responsible on defense, leading to more methodical passing but fewer quick thrusts forward.

The game's only goal came in the 39th minute and was born out of a defensive stop. Two Macabee forwards attempted to run a give-and-go but Casey Berber stepped in front of the return pass and began a run upfield. He hit a long pass for Augustine Dennin, who fought off a defender to reach it first. He slipped it to Dylandy, who looked for a cross. Seeing none, he cut the ball inside and finished a 30-yard run with a screaming left-footed shot that curled into the far corner of the goal. The goalkeeer reached for the ball in vain; it was 1-0 to the Wings.

Dennin had another good chance in the 55th minute, when fellow forward Stefan Rosberg redirected a pass from Voronzoff on goal. It struck the post and fell to Dennin, who shot straight into the 'keeper's belly.

A ball in the goal is worth two in the Bushdome: Except the Wings will play Bushdome in Yuki City, so it'll they'll have to settle for one point per goal. Assuming they get any. After a defensive struggle against the Macabees, the Wings will definitely need to grab a win if they want to have the opportunity to do some damage in the group table.

Head coach Shigeru Takeuchi says he plans to continue to play a 4-4-2 but recognizes that his midfielders will have to be more aggressive in front of the home fans. Dwayne Landro will therefore sit in favor of Christian Chojnacki, and the more experienced Karen Stadler will partner with Augustine Dennin up front. Casey Berber will remain in the middle with Joseph Cecilia to help stabilize the unit.

Starting XI: Brengle; Bogart, Berber, Cecilia, Samrov; Chojnacki, Dylandy, Florentino, Voronzoff; Dennin, Stadler
Substitutes: Komarov; Edrington, Heath; Kaizuka, McNespy; Nagasawa, Rosberg

Fighter pilots plan rubber chicken sacrifice: Two pilots in the Dancougar Mechanized Defence Force have planned a symbolic airstrike on a massive pile of rubber chickens in an effort to spur the national football team to victory.

Russ Pauli and Peter Klingenschmidt popularized the Horrible Hand-Towel while they were college students at the University of Helmut. The two are rumored to exist outside the normal flow of Dancougar space-time, which explains their relative youth despite having been around for the Wings' first World Cup run over 20 years ago. They also organized the largest rubber chicken sacrifice in the nation's history, which involved strapping one to a motorcycle and having it jump a burning pile of additional chickens.

"The motorcycle stunt is definitely a favorite memory of mine," said Klingenschmidt, "but seriously, an airstrike is so much more badass. Margaret is going to love this."

The two are pilots under the direct command of Princess Erica and their squadron fields the most advanced fighter in the Dancougar armed forces, the transforming DV-3 Rhinemaiden. Pauli says that their "mission" is not unlike the stadium flybys before big games, although he admits that it's a little over the top.

"The princess didn't think much of it, but in the end, she let us do it anyway," he said. "Peter's really excited about this, and it's our way of letting the team know we've got their back."

Akbarabad maintain momentum.


Goals from Samin Akbar and Hamid Kabir saw Akbarabad gain a crucial 2-1 away victory over Septentrionia. This win leaves them at number two on the table on goal difference and well poised to take one of the qualifying spots. Higher ranked Arroza and Prux have already dropped points against lower ranked teams while Septentrionia has yet to get off the mark. Akbrabad's next match is at home against Ierissos and it's crucial for the team not to relax and drop any points against the lower ranked side. The objective should be to win and to win big.

Purple Knights Fall To Daehanjeiguk

Yesterday in a far off place known as Daehanjeiguk the Purple Knihgts in alongstanding tradition fell to there friendly foes from the Han. Though it was for points the Knights at least knew going into the game that they probally were not going to win anyways and it was unsuprsing when one of the Haneese put the ball in the net late in the game and the Knights were unable to comeback. Still even within the unsuprsing event as know the Knights only have 3 games agains the highers.

The Wartime Journals of Nikolai Dolohov

August 16, 2024

Today, it was announced that the rebel forces had multiplied, as the provinces of Syktyvkar, Ossetania, Jaril, Orangine, and Kazan have joined together to form what they wish to become a new communist state, calling it by the name of The SOJOK Soviet. This means that we, who were originally stationed directly on the border, are now stationed inbetween the borders of two rebel provinces, directly in the center of the rebel nation. We will have a long, hard fight ahead of us if we wish to survive through the war.

The Tsar has given a speech in response to the formation of the SOJOK Soviet, stating to the people of Myedvedeya that rebellion and secession will never be acceptable, and calling on the people of the world to leave the new nation unrecognized. No state, he says, which recognizes the SOJOK Soviet as a legitimate nation, will be allowed to have diplomatic relations in any way with Myedvedeya. The speech went on to proclaim the achievements and invincibility of the Myedvedeyan army, and declare that with the lord's help, the war will be over within six months, and we will go back to being a single Unified Tsardom. The speech was quite well-received by the people, as the Tsar's speeches always are. His oratorical skills are legendary, and that combined with the nationalist content of his speeches is enough to rouse the iciest of crowds to their feet with song and chanting. I have had the honor of meeting the man in person, and he is very similar, charismatic and intelligent. It is easy to see why our soldiers have no qualms dying for him,

Tomorrow, we are planning a large offensive against the small town of Klavsysvin, which our intelligence suggests is a weapons and ammunition storage center for the rebels in this area. Our offensive will consist of three companies of troops, to be airlifted in by helicopter. Commanding this operation will be Brigadier General Stanislav Ivanovitch Volkov, a man who has won three notable victories in Syktyvkar already. I trust that he will have the ability to lead us to victory, in what promises to be a dangerous assault. Our strike is to be one of ten that will be coordinated tomorrow to hit ten major weapons and ammunition storehouses across the rebel territories, in what high command in Moskva believes will be a crippling blow to the rebel effort nationwide. High Command is currently held by Marshal of the Tsardom of Myedvedeya Nikolai Rostov, Myedvedeya's only five star officer at this time. (With the obvious exception of the Tsar himself.) MoTM Rostov, whose peacetime duties include commanding the 125 million strong military and paramilitary facility at Tsar's Guard, is one of our most celebrated and most decorated officers, and his star will be even more in ascendance if he manages to put down this disgusting rebellion.

Tomorrow will be an important, dangerous day. I must have a good night's rest. With the blessing of the Lord, we shall win a glorious victory when the sunlight comes.

-Cpt. N. Dolohov, 16.8.24

Blue Tornado Defeat A Giant

Yesterday the Tornado took on a formidable foe in the likes of the Qazox Phoenix. The Phoenix have made it to an enormous amount of World Cups, but are known to not be able to do anything when the pressure is on and boy did the Tornado exploit that small character flaw. The Tornado took on an aggresive offensive front and they easily controlled the tempo. In the final score you can see that the Phoenix were obviously not ready to face the fast paced Tornado, and true to there name the Tornado razed the town and swamped the Phoenix in fury.

The first gaol was in the nineteenth minute when Angel Kenssington found Jamie Barry for a slammin' header. Then the Tornado scored the goal that gave them an early two point lead that they never fully gave up when Ossi Euro swooped in for the score. Then the Phoenix got lucky and they disturbed Aximili Riddle's cleansheet. The Knihgts would again score in the 77th minute with a Xavier Hiroshima goal on a Ossi Euro assist.

Hellispont Times-Herald
Wombats lose a heart-breaker

For 87 minutes, Green wombat held the defending champions scoreless, in Starblaydia! But alas, the final three minutes showed why they are the champs and the Wombats are also-rans.

Valrauncion showed why he is one of the best in world with a dazzling run through the admittedly tired wombat defense. Valrauncion slipped just past Ryan Schaw and with the game just reaching the 87th minute, sliced a shot that was just over the out-stretched hands of Vance Reingold.

Starblaydia dominated this match controlling the ball for almost 73% of the game and had offically 15 shots on net compared to the 27% possesion and 3 shots for Green Wombat. But Reingold came through his baptism of fire with an impressive day, though it ended sourly.

But the wombats have shown that thier idea of switching tactics for opponents could work out, as the Starblaydis were stymied by the (technically) 8 defenders and it took a historical run just to break though it.

Up next for the Wombats is a trip to Dariusville, 6–3 winners over Allemenschen yesterday. This is a tougher match-up that the rankings indicate, and the wombats need to come away with at least a draw to keep up momentum.

WORLD CUP QUALIFYING- GAME #2- NEWMANISTAN (0-1-0) AT BOSTOPIAN EMPIRE (0-0-1)

Final: The Bostopian Empire 1-1 Newmanistan
Scoring: TBE: Hairfeld (39’), NEW: Carlson (66’)
Bookings: TBE: Lukovic, YC (14’), Punter, YC (66’) NEW: Parnett, YC (20’), LaFave, YC (83’)

Overall Team Performance: 7

Individual Performances:
GK: Chris Kusler: 7
LB: Jeremy Brooker: 8
LCB: Bobby Foley: 8
RCB: Scott LaFave: 7
RB: Alex Lampert: 8
LM: Kyle Carrigan: 7
CM: Alex Parnett: 6
RM: Billy Prescott: 7
LS: Jeremy McAllister: 7
ST: Jennifer Vilardi: 6
RS: Brett Carlson: 8
(Sub): Shawn Loughran: 9
(Sub): Shannon Vilardi: 7
(Coach): Brian Carson: 8

Records following game: The Bostopian Empire: 0-1-1, Newmanistan: 0-2-0

Game Notes: The game was originally scheduled to be played at Southport Stadium in Newmanistan but due to the threat of impending Hurricane Carl hitting the area on game day, the football associations of both teams agreed at the last minute to relocate the game to the Bostopian Empire and to reschedule the matchday 9 fixture, once an away fixture for the Rockets, to be played in Southport. The last minute travel plans could be a legitimate excuse but Brian Carson wasn’t going to allow that to happen. “We are professional athletes and as professionals you have to prepare yourselves for things like this. I don’t think we played that poorly tonight, the Bostopian Empire is coming along quite nicely as a team and deserves some credit. Fortuantely, Hurricane Carl ended up hitting the Southport area with much less of a punch then was feared, and we should all be thankful of that. That is the important thing.” It was considered a better idea to go to the Bostopian Empire and reverse the matchday nine fixture so that Southport doesn’t lose their home game completely, which is what would have happened had they decided to play the game elsewhere in Newmanistan.

First half shots on target were even at a moderate three apiece. This picked up in the second half with the Bostopian Empire getting four in the second and the Rockets registering six. Newmanistan had a 2-to-1 advantage in corner kicks during the match. Overall possession was relatively even; 52-48 for the Bostopian Empire in the first half and 53-47 for the Rockets in the second. Dean Punter received a yellow card in the 66th minute after shoving Brett Carlson to the ground as Brett was celebrating his goal. Punter believed that Carlson got away with a significant push off moments before his goal that allowed Brett to get open for the shot. Replays show that Punter probably had a pretty good reason to be upset. Due to the last minute hosting of the game, the stadium was not sold out, but the turnout pretty good when considering that they weren’t expecting to be home until two days before the match.

Fans who had tickets for the game at Southport Stadium can simply re-use them for the matchday nine contest. If this matchday is not good for our ticketholders, they can be exchanged for tickets for events at Southport Stadium of equivalent value. No refunds will be issued.

Saint Nash Courier
If you haven't heard it before, It's News to you!
SPORTS
Pheonix Slapped by a Tornado

Due to faultly information provided by a recently fired intern the Kosovoe-Qazox score was printed in error. The final was 3-1 in favor of Kosovoe, in a match that took place in kosovoe, not in Qazox City as previously reported.

We here at the Saint Nash Courier apologize for the error.

All copies of the misprint have been confiscated and destroyed.

Prux@WC45.com
Adverts defeat Aliens is high scoring shootout

In a wild one, the Adverts win their first game of the qualifers, behind 2 goals by Energizer Bunn, 2 goals from Spuds MacKenzie and the first goal from Jolly Green Giant.

Jolly started the scoring binge as he deflected an errant Rymerian pass right into the net for a 1-0 lead, just 7 minutes in. Jolly got the credit for the goal, as the ball bounced off of his knee cap on a goal kick by Juan Valdez.

After that goal, Jolly was removed from the pitch due to a Pea-leaf fungus, which caused his uniform to fall apart. In came Spuds MacKenzie who assisted on both of the Bunny's goals.

Energizer Bunny made it 2-0 and 3-0 just minutes apart (21' and 24') as the Rymerian offense was enthralled with his drumming. But after an errant kick by Count Chocula broke the drum, Rymeria countered back with 3 quick goals of their own, (32', 37', 41') all let in by a tweaked out Valdez who was suffering from 'coffee withdrawl', Kool-Aid Man came in to relieve the Columbian native.

After the thrilling 3-3 first half, the second half was almost boring by comaprision. Spuds MacKenzie scored after accidently biting one of the Rymerian players and in the ensuing arguement, Spuds knocked home the winning goal in the 68th minute. Spuds was given a yellow card, as he is a dog after all, and later added the 5th and final goal as the Rymerians were once again distracted by EB's drumming.

Up next for the Adverts is a trip to Milchama.

Prux World Cup 45 Qualifying Schedule:

(all Home Matches to be played the hopefully completed Griffin Stadium in Pawtucket, Prux, Capacity 67,500, Pics not available at this time.)
@ Ierissos D 1-1
vs. Rymeria W 5-3
@ Milchama
vs. Govindia
@ Akbarabad
vs. Septentrionia
@ Arroza
vs. Ierissos
@ Rymeria (somewhere in Space, probably)
vs. Milchama
@ Govindia
vs. Akbarabad
@ Septentrionia
vs. Arroza
(RECORD 1-1-0)



Meet the ADVERTS (Part 6 of a 6 part series)
Back-up Forwards and head Coach

Chef Boyardee (backup Forward)
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/1/15/Chefboyardeepic.jpg/250px-Chefboyardeepic.jpg
The oldest member of the team, Chef is a natural soccer player, seeing he is from Italy after all. Not much stamina, but his after-game lasagna is to kill for.
Height: 5'6", Weight: 230lbs.


Spuds MacKenzie (backup Forward)
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/2/23/Spuds_mackenzie.jpg (seen at a recent team beach-party with female fans..)
Forced to play for the team after 6 DUI's, Spuds, when sober, is a decent enough player. But after a few drinks, the yellow and red cards start flying.
Height: 1'7", Weight: 49lbs.

Mr. Whipple: Head Coach (age 63)
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/3/3b/Dick_Wilson_AKA_Mr_whipple.jpg/200px-Dick_Wilson_AKA_Mr_whipple.jpg
Lost a bet with Colonel Sanders, with the provisio that the loser of their bet would have to coach the team. The bet was whether or not Ernie Keebler and the Keebler elves were gay. (No they were not.)

Kaz: Hey, why are you crawling around like that Pups?
Pups: I've lost a contact lense.
Kaz: You know they aren't easy to find.
Pups: I know but I don't want to pay for a new one.

Kaz: You probably lost during the game Pups.
Pups: No, I was cleaning it and it popped out of my hand.
Kaz: It'd be trashed if you did find on the floor.
Pups: I'm an optimist, I know I'll find it.

Joanne: Hey, why is Pups pretending to be dog?
Kaz: Looking for a contact lens.
Joanne: I know the feeling, I dropped one in the bath once.
Kaz: You found it?

Joanne: No ...
Marie: It's puppy dog! No tail though!
Pups: I don't suppose you've seen my contact lense?
Marie: Nope ...

Kaz: We'd better help out Pups here.
Marie: I can't see us finding it without it being destroyed. Football boots have spikes.
Pups: I know we'll find it!
Joanne: We don't have all day.

<Later>

Pups: I think I've lost it.
Marie: It's not around here.
Joanne: Oh well ...
Lara: Hey, I found this in the shower.

Pups: My contact lense!
Kaz: Gee, that went far.
Lara: Is it OK?
Pups: Looks OK.

Marie: Why don't you wear glasses?
Pups: I lose glasses on the farm all the time.
Kaz: All's well that ends well.
Lara: Do it get something for this?

Pups: Anything you have in mind?
Lara: A box of organic oranges?
Pups: OK then!
Marie: Thank God it's not Pistachio nuts.

http://img134.imageshack.us/img134/7993/dailyturkjo0.png
Logria 2–3 Koseli Cumhuriyetler
Last Gasp Turks Do It Again
The underdogs of Logria almost got an unlikely upset over the Turks with two goals in the first 2 minutes setting them up for an exciting match. The midfield were dominating the affair as the end to end play went on well into the first half, Serkan Turkmen having an effort on goal saved and Ozil coming close to his first international goal. The first half ended 2-0 to Logria the underdogs on top.

The Turks came out of the dressing room with a new purpose. The play was quick, far too quick for Logria to cope. this told as their tired defense finally gave way as Gokhan got a goal on 65 minutes. Then what started was a capitulation more efforts on goal for the Turks and the equalizer was in site, and came when Gurhan scored with an effort from the wing slipping through the keepers hands on 88 minutes. Then with all to gain from the last gasp action Orhan lofted the ball into the box, which was cleared as far as Arif who let fly and got a spectacular goal for his troubles.

All in all a win is a win and a win takes us to the top of the group ahead of our trip to struggling Jasi'Yun.

(After the game)

McAllister: The hurricane didn’t hit too bad, fortunately. It would have ripped through Putnam Lake as well.

LaFave: Good thing, man. Hey Jeremy, did you ever think you would wear the Empire Motors logo?

McAllister: Absolutely not! It’s a nice company to work for. I had a brief contract with them previously before Putnam Lake raised a stink over me working for Pocono City’s main sponsor.

LaFave: I hope they turn Lakeport around. We need more midfield help.

McAllister: It will happen, I see the desire. But it’s going to be like us and trying to qualify for this damn World Cup, it’s a long process.

LaFave: I’d hate to see you not ever play in the World Cup. I know how much it means to you.

McAllister: Everything happens for a reason, Scott. Obviously I want to play in the World Cup, we all do, I’ve dreamed about it now for twenty years. Damn, I am getting old, aren’t I?

LaFave: Scary thing is that I am closing in on 30. Where did all this time to go.

McAllister: Speaking of old men, hey Brooks, what’s up?

Brooker: I’m only older then you by a month so chill with that.

LaFave: How much longer are you going to play at Dunboor?

Brooker: I’d like to finish this year and one more. The decision will be there’s and then I would love to get a job within the organization.

McAllister: You don’t wanna coach in Cafundeu, man.

Brooker: I don’t want to coach. I’m more interested in scouting.

Prescott: Is this the line for Social Security?

McAllister: Well hello there Billy, how’s Oksana doing?

LaFave: Man, I saw her on the Naked News there in Jeruselem.

Brooker: Say no more. Why isn’t there a Naked News channel in Newmanistan?

Prescott: Yeah she looked good. But—

McAllister: Oh to be 18 and single.

Prescott: I’m not single. We’re officially dating.

McAllister: I see, well good for you.

Brooker: You have a 10-year old son. Maybe he can score a Jeruselem chick on day.

McAllister: Junior’s doing well, I don’t know how close I want him getting to Jeruselem women though.

Prescott: They are the best. And Oksana is so much more then someone is good looking –

LaFave: We’re sure she is.

Brooker: I know you two are in love, but let’s remember why you are here, Billy.

Prescott: Of course. You see the way I laid out that Dylandy guy in the friendly. That was so sweet.

McAllister: I have a problem with that.

Prescott: What?

McAllister: Your dad never talked about hard tackles he made four games ago. They were old news. It was just about the last game. I know you are playing hard but no one cares about that friendly anymore. You did well against the Bostopian Empire.

Prescott: Sorry and thanks.

McAllister: It’s alright, part of learning what it takes. You’re going to be a good one but we can never rest on our laurels.

Prescott: I understand.

McAllister: I wish you the best with Oksana.

LaFave: Now that we covered that, why isn’t there a Naked News program in Newmanistan?

McAllister: Or in Dancougar!

Carlson: Hearing too much small talk and not enough talk about Urna Eletronica. We just blew four points in these last two games, we need to be focusing more on football. This really sucks.

McAllister: Brett, we don’t have to think about it constantly. We’re aware of its importance.

Carlson: I hope so. Let’s work on that ol’ goose egg in the goals column, J-Mac.

Brooker: Enough with the attitude, Brett. It’s really begun to get annoying.

Carlson: Hey whatever. I’m just not up to playing in the Empire’s sixth straight Cup of Harmony. Let’s get moving here.

McAllister: We’re trying, we’ll win the next game against the politicians.

Carlson: We better. J-Mac, I hate to say it, but, you have lost a step and its throwing me off on the attack. Then there’s Parnett, good thing he isn’t here right now, because he has just sucked the last two games.

McAllister: Brett, if you have an issue with working with me on the attack, then yes, let’s get out there right now and straighten it out. But I am not going to just listen to you saying that players who trying hard are sucking. They are our teammates, and if they have been off which maybe Alex has been a little bit, we need to be there in support of him, not bashing him.

Carlson: Whatever. You want to go work on stuff then let’s go. Brooks and Laffy, we need defenders, so come with us.

Brooker: Well actually I was about too ---

Carlson: I don’t really care what you were about to do old man, it’s time to practice some more.

Prescott: I’ll take Brooker’s place. You wanna practice Brett, I’ll practice with you and give it my 110%. Let’s do it.

McAllister: Yes, let’s work on this stuff that Brett feels we need to work on.

WELL PLAYED LOSS

That One Big Island weather has been crazy, hasn’t it? As one hurricane hit western Newmanistan, forcing the relocation of that match, another hurricane formed in the Gulf of South Thumbria. Hurricane Danielle was targeted to hit Amherst just as the match being Secristan and Valanora was to get underway. Because of the strong winds, and not wanting to risk anything happening to the players of the greatest team in the world while they were in our country, the soccer game was relocated to Valanora. Mitch Deerfield, President of the Secristan Department of Meteorology tells us that two hurricanes forming in the Gulf of South Thumbria and making landfall on the same day was a rather unusual circumstance, “Danielle was a faster mover. Carl had already been formed and as you can see on this map (shows map), took a more westerly track in the direction of Newmanistan. Danielle formed in approximately the same area as you can see here (shows another map), but moved with nearly twice the speed as Carl. If you look at this map (shows yet another map), you can see that as Danielle got closer to Carl, she began to arc Northward. It’s possible that Danielle may have also targeted the Southport area, but with this arc north and then a subtle NNE turn, she set her sights on Amherst. It was really a very exciting phenomenon for us weather geeks.” It was not very exciting for the estimated 42 people that died in Danielle’s fury when she made landfall, and the hundreds if not thousands of people that have seen their homes get destroyed. Fortunately, the casualties were not in the city of Amherst itself, but in a rundown city about 30 miles eastward. While you would prefer not to see any fatalities, it would have been much worse if it made a direct hit on Amherst.

The ceremony that was planned will be re-scheduled for Valanora’s appearance on matchday nine. With the concerns for their families and friends back at home running strong, the Millionaires played some highly inspired soccer in Valanora. They gave the number one ranked team all they could handle, and kept them off the scoresheet until the 80th minute. We picked on the amount of scoreless draws that our team had during World Cup 44 qualifying, but we would have loved to have held on for ten minutes and change to have got the scoreless draw here. We must be impressed with the effort. Michael Rossiter was almost superhuman in goal for the team, and the defense did not seem intimidated by their opponents. This was demonstrated in just the sixth minute when 20-year old defender Eric Fraser made a ruthless tackle on the much older Ikles Razov. The referee did call a foul but did not book Fraser, to the dismay of the crowd. Razov had the last laugh as the Vanorians usually do with their opponents as he scored the game winner. It’s an effort to be proud of but they have nothing to show for it.

Those who think the Millionaires are nothing but a bunch of heartless scumbags may be surprised to learn that the team will wear all-black kits in honor of those 42 people who lost their lives in the hurricane in their next game against San Castello, as well as in their first home game in the game after that against Logria.


(I came really close to accidentally posting this on the results thread. I had reply clicked in that thread and the message pasted from MS Word before noticing at the top it said results thread! Phew!)

In the office of the BFSA.

"Where are the lawyers?" Andrew Coulter asked his Lawyer

"They've just come in the foyer, are you ready? Just remember deep breaths and remember what we talked about." The BFSA's lawyer replied they were waiting for the people from The Bazalonian Space Federation to give official notification on the suit and for preliminary depositions on the matter.

Andrew breathed in deeply and breathed out again. "Sir, the BSF's lawyers are here to see you." his secretaries intercom went off. andrew looked towards the BFSA's lawyer for a moment before turning back and replied. "You can let them in."

"Understood."

A few seconds later 2 men and a woman in business suits entered into the office.

The BFSA's lawyer took the initiative and greeted the opposing lawyers introducing Andrew Coulter as he did so. "Gentlemen... We'll keep this short." The woman lawyer started as the man on the left started. "The Bazalonian Space Federation will drop the charges as long as the new logo for the Bazalonian Soccer Federation is different enough to our clients."

"Booyah!" Andrew exclaimed but was hushed by the Lawyer., using a hand motion to indicated he should pipe down. "What are we talking about in regards to the process to determine if a logo is 'too similiar' to your clients?"

"2 of our clients employees from their public relations department will be on the decision panel and have the power to Veto any presented design."

The lawyer looked at Andrew Coulter for a moment and back to the opposing lawyers alright, my client is willing to accept as long as it is able to be made publicly known that it was deemed too similiar by your clients employees."

"Our client is willing for such a stipulation."

"Then it's agreed.."

The lawyers approached each other and shook hands before the three visitors gave their farewells and left the office.

... "Alright, so let's get this right. the BFSA will have to include 2 public relations peeps from the BSF on it's crew aso they can poo poo legit ideas? Well, it's better than a huge expensive and rather unneccesary trial anyway. Thank you. Send your invoice and it'll get processed."

"No worries."

The BFSA's lawyer followed behind as well, there was just a small matter of signing the documents so the BFSA still couldn't quite continue but there was a matter of the Kura-pelland match.

"1-all draw.... not too shabby... though I would of prefered a win."

The New Cleethorpes Enquirer
Quodites save draw in goal spooge thriller

A dramatic eight-goal stunner ended in a draw last night as Quintessence of Dust, forced to make an emergency schedule change and fly to the tiny island of Noásahi, came back from 4-1 down against the unranked side to save a draw. Taking only one point means they currently languish in sixth place in the group table and sets up even more demanding pressures for tough games down the line, but few will be in the mood for such thoughts of gloom after an exhilarating evening of sport.

The side's new, more attacking style of football has reaped dividends up front, but questions can only mount over the notoriously inathletic Winchester Furman in goal, whose ninth minute foul earned him a yellow card, and Noásahi a penalty from which they took the early lead. The islanders, whose population is just 1% of Quintessence of Dust's, added a second after 36 minutes, setting up what initially appeared to be the kind of shock upset victory the Quodites themselves had been banking on.

Furman had a disastrous game, spilling both crosses and the mammoth tub of popcorn he continuously munched, and allowed in two goals in three minutes in the second half while queueing at a stand selling Noásahian food. He trudged off at the end a disconsolate figure while his teammates celebrated their daring rescue effort.

On the stroke of halftime, Dennis Young extended his lead in the national goal-scoring tally to make it 2-1, providing the team with just enough motivation to come out strongly after the break - only to fall way behind and seemingly out of contention as the Noásahians took advantage of Furman's lunch break. Young's goal was one of his simpler chances, set up by a good passing move between Jessica Jensen, who was immeasurably improved from her anomical first match outing, and Peter Rogers, who once again shone in the centre of midfield.

As the hour mark approached, home fans began leaving, but no one had told the Quodites that the script called for an early departure, and they played a dramatic final scene. First, Dino Achten scrambled in a loose ball at the back post after a corner from Frederic Renard, who returned fighting fit just 24 hours after looking all broken down during his 28 minutes on the pitch against Sorthern Northland. Then, as the game entered the final quarter of an hour, he tapped a free kick to Littlefellow, who belted in a swinging banana kick. Back to 4-3, the game had come alive again, and both ends raged with chances, misses, and deflections. Fresh legs arrived in the form of the experienced Benvolio and Guillermo Azzinio and newcomer Noel Nicholson, but it was Ronald Johnson who claimed two from two to vindicate his last-minute selection for the squad.

Rising above the defenders in the throbbing maelstrom around the Noásahi goal, he got his head to Renard's ninth corner of the game, glancing it in off the left post. Quintessence of Dust's fan, who had made the trip to see the away game, was ecstatic. "It was brilliant, to see them claw it back like that, just fantastic." But they couldn't add a fifth, and Roger Longhorn's goal drought continues as, in the dying seconds of the game, he struck the woodwork.

As the players prepare for their second away game in Terreiro de Ogum, memories of their third-place playoff defeat to Estresso Intenso in the Baptism of Fire competition for World Cup 33 may linger in the mind. The attacking style coach Jeremy Dixon now favours will make for an interesting contrast with the almost karelan approach of Terreiro de Ogum. But he was quick to scotch rumours that the players will be intimidated by the pre-game rituals of their opponents: "Quaint superstition doesn't bother us," he said.

Meanwhile, The Society of Pissed-Up Skeptics, Quintessence of Dust's oldest civil organization, is planning an informational campaign when the home game looms in the second half of qualifying, instructing players from Terreiro de Ogum on "the fallacy of magic and the importance of critical scrutiny of such claims".

"Jay sweets kelssekienne."

"Okay... no. You just said that you're a woman. Don't drag out the sound. Let's try again. Tu t'appelles comment?"

"German apple Thomas Brodif."

"Getting better..."

Thomas looked at his notebook. "Ate toe?"

Vincent Arsenault stared at him quizzically for a few moments before working it out. "Et toi, you mean?"

"Goddamnit."

"Okay, let's take a break from this bit. What's the next bit you've got? Alright. Quelle est votre profession?"

"Jay sweet creamer Minnie's tray do Kelssek."

"WHAT? Hang on, who wrote this stuff for you?"

"My brother. Why? It's 'I am a footballer for Kelssek,' right?"

"Good lord," Vincent said, looking at the scrawlings on the notebook, in which the response to a hotel concierge asking "Quelle est votre nom?" was "Je hais ton putain de chien". "He's completely trying to punk you. You just said that you're the prime minister. Okay, look. You are not going to learn French in time for the trip to Ad'ihan."

"Awww."

UG-UG'S DIARY

An Imperial Neolithic Odyssey

Team win big last night!

We put five past soft team from Ledge-place who not like to kick rocks!

Ug-Ug score three!

This make Ug-Ug jump for joy!

Ug-Ug not score three goals with soft ball in past games.

Ug-Ug not score three with rocks in past games, so Ug-Ug filled with joy!

Ug-Ug hunt and kill and eat bird with two heads last night as he is so filled with joy.

Bird with two heads is best main course in our land.

Is sad we let in late goal, but since we score five, team not too sad.

Ug-Ug hopes next match is not with soft team.

Ug-Ug wants true test with coach two's home or Kry-place.

These are good teams, not soft ones like Ledge place, though Ug-Ug still not sure how team can be good if they not like to kick rocks.

Oh yes - man write to Ug-Ug last night!!!

Man was from West Zirc place.

Ug-Ug not sure where West Zirc place is, but coach one says is not close and is full of soft men who not like to kick rocks.

Ug-Ug scoff at soft men who not like to kick rocks.

To kick rocks is best thing.

Man from West Zirc place write Tee Gee to say Ug-Ug use long word with two sounds in past match write up.

How can this be?

Ug-Ug not know long words!

Is hard for Ug-Ug to write with short words!

Ug-Ug think he spend too much time with coach one and coach two.

They use long words all of the time.

At half time they use lots of long words.

Some of these words are quite rude.

Ug-Ug not tell his girl what these long words are; Ug-Ug filled with shame.

Ug-Ug send Tee Gee to man from West Zirc place and say that he not want to use long words, and is sad if he did.

Ug-Ug try not to use long words from now on.

Courtney’s Space

After getting the opening matchday victory on the road over the third Mo Land, we returned to Concord Heights for our home opener, just as it was scheduled all along! It is really special for me to be able to play at home given that I really do not have the chance to do much of it any more. I am proud to play for Tenderville United. I feel as though I have been a big part in getting the team promoted to top level in Candelaria And Marquez and we have maintained a midtable position. Our aspirations are greater and the city hopes for more and I would love to be able to still be around when it happens. Playing out in Rushmore has meant that I do not get to play in Cassadaigua much anymore. I look at my teammates and I see many of them in a similar circumstance. When I moved to Tenderville during the Baptism of Fire, I was the first Dagan athlete to do so and that was quite a special honor. There are three others now in our starting lineup that also play elsewhere, including Stacie Kerrigan, who at 22 is really never going to get a taste of what it is like to play in Cassadaigua.

Michelle from Ridgefield wrote to me, “Courtney, with Cassadaigua playing in other sports now, don’t you think it’s time for the country to start promoting its own leagues, and to keep their best players instead of having them move to other leagues. No offense, but you’re gone now, so are other players and now it’s happening with our baseball team. We need to make Dagan leagues great, not be a farm system for other countries to pluck our best talent off of.” Michelle, you are absolutely right. Cassadagan sports are growing, but right now the economics of other lands are greater and when you get a big contract offer from a prestigious league, you can’t just turn it down. I support our leagues to the fullest and so do our other athletes who have moved to other countries . One day I hope our leagues will be just as strong as what we see throughout the world.

Now, let’s get to this game. Being back in Concord Heights was enjoyable and we were pretty optimistic about our chances to defeat Albundania. They have been pretty quiet about things, and we didn’t really know the names of their players. During the match, it was evident that they are an inexperienced side, and we took it to them right away, so it was no surprise that we scored so quickly. We’re really hopeful that Meghan Burns will have more goals like her awesome 5th minute strike from just outside the box. The inexperience of our opponent also had a lot to do with the careless foul that they took in the 22nd minute to lead to Stacie Kerrigan’s goal on the penalty kick. Stacie was not hurt, and it probably looked worse on TV then it really was for her. Her shot was telegraphed to the back of the net and their keeper could not do anything about it. I got my second of the tournament in the 35th minute, beating the defender with a couple of moves to get a good shot. During halftime, holding a three goal lead felt quite good and we felt as though we would be better off just being conservative and playing smart defense and hopefully maintaining the clean sheet. We came close, but every dog has its day and in the 81st, the shutout was gone. No worries, we clamped down defensively and never had a moment of panic afterward. That’s two wins in two games for us with our next match against in Achtervolging, who destroyed Mo Land 3 6-1 last night. Like us, Achtervolging was a Baptism of Fire semifinalist, as they did so in the recently concluded tournament in Krytenia. Let’s hope that we can make it 3-0-0!

We Came, We Saw, We Scored.

With the Govindia National Stadium running behind schedule, and not being available to host the matchday 2 game between the Govindians and Arroza, the features were reversed to give the team time to meet safety requirements. Hopefully the two months will give them more than enough time to make the minor modifications needed. The switch in games meant that the dry plains of the Llanura Tostado got their match early as the teams played at Estadio Miracolo del Sur in Santos. The Llanura is one of the most soccer-mad parts of the country and they packed out the stadium with nothing but home fans for this match up, and for once the fans weren't disappointed as the Tar Hornets buried the Govindians under a avalanche of goals, 6-1.

It was a game where everything seemed to go right for the attacking offense as in the third minute, a long run into the zone from Davis Elliott left the defense confused on who to cover. Elliott slotted the ball to a wide-open Peña who shot low and away from the edge of the box. 1-nil. Five minutes later, Martin Lancaster got his 50th goal in international competition putting a shot past the shellshocked keeper. The game was effectively over at this point, but the team danced their way to three more first half goals, and the second half showed the team taking their foot off the throttle, subbing Lancaster, Raya and Elliott off to keep them fresh for the next match.

Goals:
AZA – Peña 3
AZA – Lancaster 8
AZA – Elliott 24
AZA – Lancaster 31
AZA – Raya 43
GOV – Forward 51
AZA – Brown 77

Next?

Next for the team is a match against Atlantic Oceania stalwarts Septentrionia. They've been slow out of the gate, and this seems like this could be the perfect time to steal three points off of a much higher ranked team in our group. And by doing so, we probably permanently wreck the Septen's chances to get out of this group into the Cup proper. The game will be June 6 at the Resurgens Velodrome. Tickets are still available in the lower deck for 150 baht, upper deck tickets for 50 baht. Fill up the stadium with noise and passion, and other things.

Interlude:

“Interesting work you did there with the Govindian stadium there, Killarney. Making it look like the stadium was in violation of health and safety codes so we could sewitch the game to Arroza, brilliant.”

“It was good work, but certainly not cheap by any means. You'll see all of the money itemized on your next invoice. I'm not really sure it matters, though. I mena we still have to go to Govindia, just we go in week nine instead of in week 2.”

“No, this gives the team time to gel at home and get used to playing with each other on friendly soil before we have to fly three-quarters of the way around the world and play. Plus after the shellacking we just gave them, they've got to think that we're invincible. No way they man up and beat us on the return leg now. Man I can taste the Capitalizst Heights cooking, now.”

“You're drooling on the phone. As for Septentrionia, they're using the super secret approach. I think we should take the week off to let the heat ease up some.”

“Agreed. See if you can't find a way to throw a wrench into Milchama's workings, will you? I don't really think we're going to need a lot against Ierissos, even on the road.”

“Aye.”

Emperor Boston had flown out to Byrne Field, in Poundland, Rental Save (a territory in the West of the Empire), and was making a short announcement outside Capital House, the former seat of Government in Rental Save, now resided in by the largely-autonomous Empirical Authority of Rental Save.

“I would like to personally congratulate those in Rental Save - and especially in Poundland and the officials at Byrne Field – of their resolve in the face of the unexpected, and accomplishing a major feat in hosting a World Cup Qualifier with only a few short days notice. The Football Association of the Empire can be especially proud of themselves for holding out the hand of friendship and co-operation at a time when our opponents came out to us looking for precisely those things.

Of course, our thoughts go out to those in Newmanistan who were affected, and remain to be affected, by Hurricane Carl, and the Empire as a whole pledges to support Newmanistan in whatever way required, and as they now know we will not shirk our duties or responsibilities, assumed or not, if they ask for our assistance in rebuilding what needs to be rebuilt, we would be proud to help.”

This post has been taken over by Jolt in-post ads.

Cal warns against complacency

Airport City, Grand Island, AD’IHAN— Ad’ihan's national team manager Devida Cal has warned the team, the media and the fans of complacency ahead of Ad’ihan's third consecutive home World Cup 45 qualifier at the Stade Aéroport.

Cal has seen his side rack up two wins from two games, with a 1-0 win over Wing Wang Woo at Stade Aéroport on MD1 and a 4-2 triumph last week against the Blouman Empire at the main national stadium, Protectorate Stadium.

However, Cal, the Ad’ihani manager with the highest win percentage among all previous national managers at 66.7% (28 wins from 42 games managed), has warned fans not to expect a free pass through the team's upcoming game against Lecland, saying anything was possible in football.
__________________________________________________

Jeruselem visas rejected
City of Ad’ihan, AD’IHAN— The Department of Interior Affairs has confirmed that visa applications by a number of Jeruselem players and staff ahead of their scheduled Matchday Six visit to Ad’ihan have been turned down.

Interior Affairs Secretary David Caine confirmed to Radio Ad’ihan International in a telephone interview that a number of Jeruselem officials and players did not meet Ad’ihani requirements or failed a number of background checks for entry into Ad’ihan.

Football Federation of Ad’ihan officials, including the AFF chairman Luke Evans, have already announced plans to hold the Matchday Six tie in the Rackham mountain range in Zwangzug, with minimal contact between the Jeruselem players and officials and Ad’ihani fans.

The two teams, which meet again on Matchday 13 in Jeruselem, have played each other once before, in a friendly before Ad’ihan's World Cup qualifying debut in WC36, when Jeruselem won 6-1 at the Dazza Dallas Stadium. AFF officials are understood to be pressing Jeruselem to move the match to a neutral zone, or an area where there is likely to be less attendance.

Today, the Blue Rage has defeated Lurikastan in a 4-0 match. The first goal came at the very first minute when Thomas Gardner attacked the enemies' goal. The second and third goals were scored by Sergio Flores at the 48th and 73rd minutes. The fourth and definitive goal was scored at the 79th minute by Juan Valle. With this result, the group table ends this way, with Edward City in a fantastic leading position and being the group's only undefeated team as of now.

Group 9 P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Edward City 2 2 0 0 7 1 +6 6
2 Bazalonia 2 1 1 0 3 2 +1 4
3 Kura-Pelland 2 1 1 0 5 3 +2 4
4 Bostopia 2 1 1 0 3 2 +1 4
5 Peisandros 2 1 0 1 1 1 0 3
6 Mantwenic 2 0 1 1 3 5 −2 1
7 Colbourne 2 0 0 2 2 5 −3 0
8 Lurikastan 2 0 0 2 1 6 −5 0

"Coach!"

Looking out at the reporter who yelled out for his attention, Brian Wilson grimaced visibly. He wanted to talk about a match that saw Sarzonia lose 3:2 to Sorthern Northland in front of a crowd of 102,876 in Beningrad. However, seeing a woman he recognised as Toni Crenshaw, the most notorious gossip columnist in Portland, he knew that wasn't happening.

"Yes, Ms. Crenshaw?"

"George Morrison wasn't in the starting 11 and Tim Rodney didn't get off the substitute's bench," she began. "Was that in response to what you found after the Yafalonia and Bazor 2 match?"

"That's an internal matter," Wilson said curtly. "You'll have to ask them if they want to discuss the situation. All I'm going to say is that anything that might have happened in that locker room has been taken care of within the family. I'd like to discuss the match. Next question?"

Wilson's eyes flashed sweet relief when he saw Woodstock Daily Mail reporter Travis West stand up. He knew if that question came from him, he'd address it in a way that gave dignity to all involved.

"Coach, the team seemed to be distracted by certain events in the first half, but responded well in the second half. What can you say about that?"

"Well," Wilson began. "We were somewhat flat out there, no question. To give up three goals in the first 15 minutes to the same guy [forward Jon Andrews], it really looked like things were going to be a lot worse than how they ended up. I was pleased that Matt Lynch was able to get one back before the end of first half stoppage time, but I'm disappointed that it took playing a three forward lineup to get our goal in the second half.

"As for dealing with distraction, I told our team, 'look. We can't change what happened yesterday. All we can control is how we react to it. We've got to put that in its place and move on to the next match'." Fortunately, we did a better job of that in the second half. But give Sorthern Northland credit. They're a good side. In a way, this is a tougher group than the one we played in for World Cup XLIV qualifying."

"Coach!" Wilson looked askance. It was her again. Not bothering to hide his annoyance, he all but growled, "yes?"

"Are you going to do anything more discipline-wise to Morrison and Rodney?"

Now really angry, Wilson lost it.

"I'm not answering any more questions about what those two men did in the locker room," he snapped. "I'm only going to address questions about the match. If anyone has any questions about tactics for that match or our first home fixture against Greston, now is the time. If you're going to ask questions about Morrison and Rodney having sex in the locker room, I've got one piece of advice: Stuff it."

West stood up again.

"Yes, Travis?"

"It seems as though the three forward line up has paid some dividends for you. Are you going to start using it more often?"

Finally, Wilson thought. A question about the match.

"We're certainly going to take that into consideration, Travis," Wilson said. "The problem is that we've established our system of play up until now, and I'm concerned that a drastic change in our offensive system now would be counterproductive, but we haven't ruled it out. That's all the time I've got for questions. Thank you."

Wilson then left the podium and saw a couple of reporters move toward him tentatively. He noticed that Crenshaw was one of them and shook his head firmly at her. When he saw West heading toward him, he motioned with his right second and third fingers to 'come here.' After the two men went into the visiting manager's office and shut the door, Wilson sighed.

"This is off the record," Wilson said. "I didn't sign up to deal with a sex scandal in the Stars locker room."

West took down the note and said, "you're going to have to address this somehow."

"I have," Wilson said. "They were suspended for this match. This is on the record. I'm going to meet with them to discuss their actions. I'm going to warn them that if they -- or anyone else on this team -- does something like that away from the privacy of their hotel rooms, they're off the team."

"Is it because they were two men that you're so upset?"

Wilson looked at West with a slightly horrified expression. He thought for a while, closed his eyes, finally opened them after letting in and slowly exhaling his breath.

"I suppose that had something to do with it," he said finally. "That's part of why I'm so upset. I thought I was better about dealing with my own inner demons than that. But I think I'd have a similar reaction if two women or a man and a woman did the same thing in the locker room. We're all supposed to be one family. I'm upset that this exploded the way it has."

"Is that on the record," West asked.

Realising he forgot to say off the record, but also realising that he'd have to address the rumours eventually, he sighed.

"Yes, it's on the record."

Dancougar News!!
Fixing bugs in my RPs so you don't have to!

Call it a home game: As it turns out, Dancougar's last game did not take place in the Macabees at all, as a minor mistake by the organizers resulted in the match being scheduled for Yuki City despite originally going down as an away fixture. The Wings departed for the Macabees at the same time that the Macabee national team departed for Yuki City. For unexplained reasons, the teams were traveling by boat.

"It's something akin to a plot device," said team captain Alexei Voronzoff, "in that it attempts to make an implausible situation plausible by making it even more implausible. Let's just say they were really fast boats."

The two boats passed each other en route and both teams suddenly realized they had a problem. The coaches met and discovered that both thought they were the away team. With neither stadium ready to welcome the teams, the two decided to hail the closest Dancougaran aircraft carrier, the DAC Masato, and play the match on its expansive deck. It was certainly long enough for a pitch but just barely wide enough; they measured 110 x 65 meters at kickoff.

The game was a welcome diversion for the crew of the Masato, many of whom had never seen their national team play a live game. The scoreline which we were given last night was indeed correct - a 1-0 victory on Lyle Dylandy's 39th-minute strike. All in all, the match was considered a success, although there were some problems.

"We did our best to keep the ball on the boat, but when some guys get overzealous, you end up with things flying in all directions," said Voronzoff. "The crew was very good-mannered and did their best to stop the ball from going off the sides, and fortunately nobody fell off."

The game goes in the books as a home game for Dancougar, so the follow-up will be in the Macabees, this time for real.

“Ech… Is this what they call footer now, hnn…? Where’s the atmosphere, hnn? Where’s the heart? This is what professionalism brings you; you shouldn’t have let it happen!”

“We ‘ed propa formations int’ owd days, an’ orl! None o’ dis nought-nought-nought muk, naither!”

“Oh, the players are awfully small, don’t you think? I can barely make them out… You haven’t seen my glasses have you, Alf?”

“Duh-duh-duh… Duhh. Bim.”

“Thee sez it, lad! Is dis wha’ these millionaires are capable o’, eh? Naaah… None o’ did bunch o’ sissies could ‘ope to compare ta wha’ we ‘ad back int’ owd days! Tha’ were propa football, tha’ were… Wee Billy Eady, t’inside-reet, jinkin daan t’ flanks, skippin past his man… Does thee ‘onest thin thy… what’s ‘is nem, naw…?”

“Niv Cohen.”

“Aye. Can ‘e possibly ‘old a candle ta Billy Eady, naw?”

“I… Really wouldn’t know, Frank. He’s been dead fifty years.”

“Eh? Neya, thas avin us on! He’s not still pulling t’strings for Deevin?”

“Not unless their squad is looking particularly threadbare, Frank. And they’ve been called Albrecht FC since 1964… I did explain this yesterday…”

“Nivva min’ orl a’ tha… Anyrooad, where’s dis Cohen o’ thee, then?”

“I’m really not sure…”

“Oy, and even our Jews our weaklings. You give that Cohen a little push, he goes over like a zak of kartofl! Back in the old country, a goy do that to us, we turn right round and kick him one in the kishka, eh? These boychicks, they’ve got no idea…”

“Duh-duh-duh… Buh-dumm… Dum.”

“I can’t disagrrree with Alf here Marrrk, yet again, hnn…? Why are we herrre? I’m hungrrry, I’m collld, there’s no football match… Why’rrre we herrre…?”

“Oh, I do think we ought to be told, Mark…”

“I know. I’m sorry, Doris. Larry, Frank, Perrrcy, Duh-Duh Alf… I don’t know why their not playing football, it said in all the papers they would be! I had to come… Sorry for getting you all wrapped up and out of the home, at our time of life…”

“Oh, it does you good to get out in the fresh air on occasion… Not to worry, Mark.”

“It’s all verrry welll for you, Dorrris… My son’s coming to see me this afternoon! He’s probably waiting therrre now, he’s probably worrried!”

“Oh, it that your Leslie? Oh, he’s such a nice young man.”

“Ar, ah’m not avin wi’ dis! Ah’m goan t’finn art wheear t’football match ‘as gone ta!”

“Oh, Frank, no… Not with your dodgy hip… Took us long enough to get you up here…”

“Well, ah’m soz, Doris, bur dis int on! Ah’m missin ‘eartbea’ for dis waste o’ tahhm!”

“Whaaat? We’rrre missing Heartbeat?!”

“Oh, Mark… Perhaps it’d just be best if you took us home…”

“Oy… And I don’t want to cause a fuss, but I think I might’ve missed a heartbeat myself back there…”

“Alright!”

Mark Baker jumped to his feet in a little less than ten seconds, causing a series of palpitations and shocked bowel movements in his fellow inmates from the Liverpool Hills Sunshine Memory Towers huddled in the Seniors Section at the Solidarity Stadium. The former football manager edged past Duh-Duh Alf’s wheelchair and squeezed down the stands, muttering under his breath.

“Oh, Mark… It’s not that we’re not grateful that you took us out. It were a lovely gesture.”

“Well, I don’t think it was… And I’m hungrrry…!”

“Oh, there are half a dozen quavers under my seat, Perrrcy…”

“I’m not going to lowerrr myself to gorrrging on the discarrded snackfood of Marquezian hoodlums!”

“Dooant be rude teur t’lady, Percy… They’re prawn cocktail flavour…”

“Whaa…?! Move overrr, ollld man!”

Presently, Mark returned with several bags of Wotsits, a battered transistor radio, and a face like thunder.

“They didn’t tell me,” he said, quietly. “That groundsman said the fixtures got rearranged, moved to Greal… You’d think they’d tell me. Oh, am I not important any more?”

“Oh, it’s a crying shame, Mark. And after you’ve been sending that Mister Dannat all those letters, too.”

“He hasn’t replied to a single one of them! Used t’be a national hero… Manager of the national team, came back from the dead… Isn’t that enough for these people?!”

“Forrr God’s sake, man… Stop whinging and put the bloody rrradio on, if you’rrre going to, hnn...?”

*krkk*

“…mey, back to Cohen… Under pressure from Watson, but he keeps the ball still… Tries to find… Oh, that’s a dog of a pass…”

“We’re still having all the possession, aren’t we, but this just isn’t a good display at the moment. All the good work of the first half could be undone here…”

“Yes, if you’re just tuning in–”

“Oh, that’s nice of him.”

“Shush, Doris, please…”

“…aw Kortsarian with a brace just before half-time completely turn the game on its head after good early work by the home team. But, second half, Michael Istoma with that absolute screamer, and it’s still two-one with barely five minutes left, but C&M are really hanging on here… as Espan loses the ball to Zec, but he’s not going to make much headway from there, passes back to Sbaïz… Another really unconvincing away performance here, albeit under difficult circumstances, last-minute flights to Greater Dienstad, and so forth… Oh, and again Cohen loses it, not a captain’s performance from him tonight… Espan will take this up, finds Anderson, this could go anywhere… Cleared by Lopulalan, but Hardy will take control once more…”

“Marrrk… Why arrre we sitting in a cold stadium, listening to a football game, when we could be having bed baths…”

“Oh, was your mouth out with soap, Perrrcy Thompson!”

“It’s just… very important that they don’t do well, Perrrcy.”

“‘n why’s tha’, Mark?”

“I… I’m not entirely sure, Frank. The… lady told me so.”

“Lady?”

“The lady in my bedroom, last weekend…”

“Thee’s avin’ a wummin i’ thy bedroa?! Well, why dint thee seh sa, ye owd dog! Turkey ‘ung wi’ t’sausages, wor it, eh? Thars nivva bin chuckin t’coachman behin’ our backs!”

“Uh-BUH BUB, buh…”

“What’s alll this about a lady…?”

“…Trent, past O’Brien, finds Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaang… And that’s the equaliser, and you can’t say that that wasn’t coming, dear me…”

“There was a lady… Middle-aged. No toes. She was in my room, and she told me I had to make sure they lost. And some other things, she said, I don’t remember…”

“Neya toes? Wha’, lik’ eur pobble?”

“No, why would it be like a pobble, you old fool! The whole point about pobbles is that they have toes! Otherwise, one without them wouldn’t be remarkable, would it?”

Looming behind him, Doris rested a comforting hand on Mark’s shoulder. He turned around to meet her gaze and it occurred to him that, where it not for the false eye, the moustache, the three chins, the label poking out from under her syrup, the two remaining teeth and the wart, she would be quite beautiful. He swallowed.

“Oh, it seems to me,” Doris said sweetly, “that they’re doing quite a good job of not doing very well without you, sweetheart.”

“Perhaps. She was quite insistent, though…”

“…nd Amey will beat Turner to the ball here, and Oma… clears, but Ibadulla has a great chaIBADULLA!!! WELL, JAWS FROM THE VICTORY OF… OF… Well… It’s Greal two, Candelaria And Marquez three, and Abdul Ibadulla has truly got his side out of jail there, good heavens…”

*krkk*

Mark rose again to his feet. “You see? They can’t do this without me! I’m their manager! I was never sacked, was I? I was just… whatever happened to me, can’t remember, but the point still stands! This is my job! If anyone can lead them to glorious defeat, it’s me!”

“Oh, good show, Mark! I’ve always believed in you! We all have, haven’t we boys?”

“Ar…”

“We-ell…”

“Duh-duh duh.”

“Thank you, everyone. That means a lot. So. I’m going to get my job back. I’m going to do what the lady with no toes says. Ahh, it’s going to be great again!”

“ ‘eear, if thas goan t’be t’Candelarias manager agin, are thee goin t’gi’ wee Billy Eady a cap? Pur ‘im back i’ ‘is rightful place?”

“I… Yes, Frank. I’ll try. For you.”

“Thankin’ thee… Theear, y’see? Neya mooar o’ tha’ Cohen, eh Larry? Larry?”

“Larrrrrry?”

“Larry…?”

“Oh, dear…”

FAH Headquarters, Hypocrium . . .

“So what’s that now? Three defeats from three? That’s not so hot. Mind you we always lose to Sarzonia and playing against Rennidan in a warzone can’t be much help.”

“And those monks can play a bit.”

“True. Talking of the monks, you said there was a package from them.”

“Ah yes, i’ll fetch it.”

While he waited for the mysterious package to be brought to him FAH chief Adam Scott reflected on this return to the world stage. Last time around losing three in a row would have been considered a disaster but now there seemed to be a new sense of . . . well . . . sense within the Autocracy’s football fans. That or they just didn’t care. Either was good as glancing at the schedule it wasn’t going to get any easier. Next up was a tough trip to West Zirconia followed by games against Group 1’s top two sides, Lovisa at home and Yafor 2 away. The top four in the group in the first four games. And three of them away. He was interrupted from his thoughts by his assistant revealing the Archregimancy’s gift. Scott had been in football long enough to know that these gestures normally amounted to some cheap pennant or a squad shirt from the local market signed by a couple of drunks from the nearest boozer. This was altogether different.

(OOC: Hope this is the right chap. A lot of these saints look rather similar. Ancient ancestors of the McLaughlins perhaps . . . ;))

http://i71.photobucket.com/albums/i142/Hypocria/TheodotusofHyppo.jpg


“And who prey tell is this cheerful fellow Stevens?”

“This sir happens to be the Holy Hieromartyr Theodotus. The chap from Galatia, formerly Bishop of Cyrenia. You know, the guy imprisoned by Sabinus for openly preaching the word of Christ. Which as you know the Emperor Lucinius considered a big no-no. You know the Holy Hieromartyr Theodotus. The one they beat up, lobbed in a tree, poked with sharp things and then locked up. Then cooked, hammered nails into his feet and locked up again. But who was then freed by Constantine the Great. You know the one.” He saw the look of pure confuddlement on his boss’s face. “It came with a note.” He admitted.

“Riiiight. A holey holy man. I wonder what we’re supposed to do with him.”

“No idea.”

“Fine, take him down to the cellar and . . . no, wait.” He looked again at the schedule in front of him. “No, take him down to my car. He can come to West Zirconia.” Couldn't hurt could it?


* * * * *

STORMGroup Stadium, Mort Park, West Zirconia . . .

Scott still wasn’t what you might could call a religious man, but the last two hours had really set him wondering. He had no idea why but suddenly, before the match started, he had the idea to place his new icon behind Mikael Baron’s goal. And it certainly did the trick. The young keeper played a blinder twice denying Alun Lydiate with smart saves and diving at the feet of Martin Forster when the Pocono City front man had been put through. Even when he was beaten the ball seemingly refused to find the target, with the home side hitting the right hand post twice in the first half.

When the teams switched halves at the start of the second so did St Theodotus who was soon dubbed Theo the Force Field when a rasping William’s drive beat Baron all ends up but clattered back off the crossbar. And when the keeper turned away a McGowan cross-shot with a save that eerily, alright slightly, mirrored the pose of the priest behind him that was enough for the vocal travelling support to cheer their new hero.

“Theo! Theo! Theo!”

At the other end the Autocracy’s youngsters offered little as the goal drought continued for a third game. Jansen did force Gray into a difficult tip over with a speculative thirty yarder and Sears had coach Berisha fuming when he shot from a narrow angle rather than teeing up the well placed Trachowski for what could have been an unlikely winner. Still an away draw and a clean sheet at a team ranked over 100 places above the Hyppos would do nicely. As would the first point of the campaign. Scott couldn’t help but smile when the Theodotus icon was sat right at the front of the team bus for the trip back to the airport. At this rate he was going to need his own squad number.

Schedule
Frd: Hypocria v The Archregimancy (H) 1 – 2
Frd: Hypocria v Sarzonia (A) 0 – 4
M1: Hypocria v Rennidan (A) 0 – 2
M2: Hypocria v West Zirconia (A) 0 – 0
M3: Hypocria v Lovisa (H)
M4: Hypocria v Yafor 2 (A)
M5: Hypocria v Liventia (H)
M6: Hypocria v Mordavia (A)
M7: Hypocria v Myedvedeya (H)
Frd: Hypocria v Bears Armed (A)
Frd: Hypocria v Krytenia (H)
M8: Hypocria v Rennidan (H)
M9: Hypocria v West Zirconia (H)
M10: Hypocria v Lovisa (A)
M11: Hypocria v Yafor 2 (H)
M12: Hypocria v Liventia (A)
M13: Hypocria v Mordavia (H)
M14: Hypocria v Myedvedeya (A)
Frd: Hypocria v Starblaydia (H)

THE MONASTIC FOOTBALL ASSOCIATION
BRINGS YOU

THE SAINT OF THE DAY

The Catastrophic Away Match Against Draistana

Right-believing Prince Daniel of Moscow

After the devastating and inexplicable 2-1 loss to Draistana - one of the worst results in the Archregimancy's long history of qualifying suffering and underachievement, Fr. Anthony had at first been inclined to make the Holy Hieromartyrs Joasaph of Snetnogorsk and Basil of Mirozh the saints of the day. They had suffered under the Germans at two of the most ancient of the Pskov monasteries during the thirteenth century. Saints Basil and Joasaph had endured an agonising death as their churches were burned down to the ground by the ravages of the un-Orthodox foreigners, which surely had to be a metaphor of some sort for last night's disaster.

But then happier news came through from Hypocria, where the blessed icon of the Holy Hieromartyr Theodotus that the MFA had sent through to the Hypocrians had played a central role in the Hyppos' near miraculous performance against the West Zirconians, achieving a goalless draw against a much higher-ranked team while playing away.

At this news, Fr. Anthony decided that the Saint of the Day should be Right-believing Prince Daniel of Moscow, whose devotion to a God-fearing path led him to many victories over his enemies. Yet these were victories that he used wisely. When he had beaten the Ryazan prince and scattered his confederates the Tatars, Prince Daniel did not take advantage of his victory to seize foreign lands or take booty, as was the accepted custom during these times. Instead, he displayed an example of true non-covetousness, love and fraternity. The holy prince never resorted to arms to seize the lands of others, nor did he ever take away the property of other princes either by force or by treachery. And so the Lord saw fit to expand the boundaries of his princely realm.

Perhaps Hypocria would now come to prosper through right-belief and veneration of the Holy Icons!

Stranger things had happened, thought Fr. Anthony. Hadn't the Hypocrians already caused Hell to freeze over in World Cup 28?

Taeshan Switching To Communism

Last week the Fourth Presidential election in the Islands of Taeshan was held and the Communistic Canidate Kazzy Tre' Williams defeated Liberatarian Canidate Mikeal Vigilant. For the first time in Taeshani history the Liberatarian's have been taken out of office and with this new regime comes many changes to Taeshani Laws and principles. The Millitar force protecting the lands of Kosovoe and Illytria have been beefed up to protect Taeshani assets. Williams also announced that the Capitalizt Economy must go and he passed his first law on day one after the 80 member Senate passed the vote in a 67-13 landslide victory. The law though varies from many other historical Communistic governments in the fact that it is a Communistic governemnt, but what you do directly effects how much you get and it is a lot like a Capitalizt economy where you are on a payscale and get waht you worked for.

After this announcement Williams also decreed that all international relations have been put on hold and all Taeshites currently in other countries will be forcedly brought back if they do not come themselves. As many of you know though it is qualifying time and the footbal;l team is not at home and Williams has not stated anything regarding this, but it has been assured by a spokesman that they too shall be called back. This brings sad notions to many fans as they don't know if they can live through a time without soccer.

(from the ‘Sports’ section of ‘The Bear Necessities’…)


BELLES BEAT BUSHDOMERS… BUT...

Bushdome 0 – 1 Bears Armed

Hooray, they've won again!
But...
Yes, okay, it was a victory;
Yes, okay, it was an 'away' game;
Yes, okay, because of the pre-qualifier friendlies it was actuallythe team's fifth 'away' game in a row;
but WHERE WERE THE GOALS?

Come on, girls, you're supposed to be an attacking team. 0-1? REALLY?
Congratulations to Karramarsar Sarra for scoring the only goal of the game, in the 53rd minute, from a pass by her sister K. Karra, yes... but with the Belles holding possession of the ball for over 13/16 of the game, why didn't anybody else score for them too? Their opponents put up a really lacklustre performance, and seemed content to concentrate on defence -- maybe as a reaction to their recent three-nil thrashing at the paws of 'The Macabees, perhaps? -- rather than trying to attack: However the Belles didn't exactly over-exert themselves either, and of course winning by three or four goals rather than just by one -- which certainly looked doable from where I was sitting -- would have given them an even better position in the group table from which to build in the remaining qualifiers. Surely 'Arri Thunder' has been living amongst us for long enough by now to understand that Bears have STAMINA, and don't need to have their energy conserved for those later games against tougher foes?!?

(by Marron o GreyBear)


(Full details inside, on page 'S-4'.)


____________________________________________________________________________________________________ ______________________

'Arri Thunder' put the paper down, and looked across the hotel's lounge to where several of the team's players were queuing outside the lavatories.

"You try playing aggressively with your guts in a turmoil!" he snarled angrily at the reporter, even though the latter person wasn't in that room.

"Ah well, at least the next game is -- finally -- a 'home -- one, and it's against 'The McLaughlin Islands' who should be our weakest opponents in this group: Maybe we'll finally get enough goals to satisfy more people then..."

Greali World Cup Qualifying Schedule
MD1: Greal VS Daehanjeiguk (2-2)
MD2: Greal VS Candelaria And Marquez (2-3)
MD3: Greal VS Mo Land 3
MD4: Greal VS Achtervolging
MD5: Greal VS Cassadaigua
MD6: Greal VS Taeshan
MD7: Greal VS Albundania
MD8: Greal VS Daehanjeiguk
MD9: Greal VS Candelaria And Marquez
MD10: Greal VS Mo Land 3
MD11: Greal VS Achtervolging
MD12: Greal VS Cassadaigua
MD13: Greal VS Taeshan
MD14: Greal VS Albundania


Greal VS Mo Land 3 Preview

After the narrow loss to Candelaria And Marquez, Greal will be playing Mo Land 3. Mo Land 3 is ranked nearly 100 places below the Greali, who are ranked 43th, so the game should be a victory for the Greali, providing nothing goes wrong. Mo Land 3 themselves was decimated by Achtervolging 6-1 in their last game. Ross Trent says this upcoming game is safely in Greali hands, but something may go wrong. The number of viewers of this match is expected to exceed 1 billion for the first time. Meanwhile, the Greali Weather Service reports another day of clear skies.

In other teams...

Achtervolging is playing Cassadaigua today.

Taeshan is playing Candelaria And Marquez

Daehanjeiguk is playing Albundania.

----------------------------------------

"We all bet wins eh?"

"Not me, I bet a narrow win."

"Thats still the same."

"Who cares?"

"Me."

"Have it your way."

"I think the waitress likes me."

"In your dreams. She likes me."

"Guys, please stop arguing about who likes who. Its driving me nuts."

"We're at your place dude."

"Oh, sorry. I'll just open the door."

"Nice place. Plenty of beer I imagine."

"You imagined correct. Turn on the TV."

"Sure, the previews are about to begin."

"Help me get all this to the table."

"Sure."

"This place is spotless, how did you do it?"

"By living here once a week."

"Where do you stay for the rest of the week?"

"At my girlfriend's."

"Makes...sense."

Today's football match against Colbourne was transferred to Peisandros at the last minute. No explanation has been given by Colbourne officials yet, but it is suspected they had unearthed a terrorist threat which was not a direct threat to the teams but enough to force the change of venues. The Sandrian team was only on the ground for three hours before flying back to Olympia with the Colbourne team. However coming to Peisandros was not much better with increasing violence in the capital Olympia and also Delphi. Because of this unrest, the teams were immediately flown to Ephesum. Ephesum has remained quiet the last few months and with the beautiful new stadium there, it was an ideal setting.

The forced travel took it's toll on the teams, who had minds elsewhere during the game. The sloppy affair saw lots of yellow cards and both teams were lucky to finish the game with the full eleven. Praxis Nikolaidis again showed his worth with a decisive and match winning goal late in the first half. After a reasonable build up which saw Peisandros hang on to possession for over a minute, a defender gave Nikolaidis to much space. From the right wing he beat his defender and headed for the goal. Just outside the box he let rip with a wonderful shot which thudded off the crossbar and down in to the goal. 1-0 Peisandros after 43 and that's how the game finished.

Next for Peisandros is the very tough assignment of Bazalonia. There is still no word on where this game will take place, but it may go ahead in Delphi, we can't be sure. The Sandrian team will have to play far better than they did here in Ephesum if they are to get any points out of this fixture. With a 1-1 start to the qualification, it is already clear that every point is going to be vital and even a draw against a higher ranked team such as Bazalonia could be the difference between more World Cup football for the Sandrians, or their debut Cup of Harmony appearance. Coach Pappas has named an unchanged side saying he is happy with the current team chemistry, but hinted at changes in a few games time.

In related news, the PFA is expected to make an announcement regarding all remaining home games and their venues, within the next two or three days. It is rumoured all may be played at Ephesum or perhaps in smaller stadia. It is also expected that the President of Peisandros, Mr. Catalinoff, will be making an announcement on the current situation later tonight. The PFA may well be waiting to hear what the President says before making its decision. Currently we have no official word from the team itself, as they have gone straight in to a team meeting following the Colbourne game. It is expected they will be in close contact with the PFA and also police and security forces to discuss options. The game against Bazalonia has not formally been rescheduled so at this stage it's all still on, but this is subject to change. Stay tuned for more World Cup coverage.

------------------------------------------------------------------

CostaT@peiblogs.co.pi

Well... I don't know what to say. It's been a really hectic few days and things have been crazy for everyone involved. After our 1-0 loss to Bostopia in Olympia, we were whisked away pretty quickly and not towards the Continental. We were taken to a resort a few hours out of town where we heard more about the violence that was taking place throughout Olympia and also in parts of Delphi. It seems like the government is losing control and rebel groups are popping up all over the place. It's pretty scary for us all, as we just want to get on and play football.

Waking up yesterday and having our training session on a hillside was an interesting experience. We only had three balls, no goals or cones so it was tough to get any real practice down. Instead Coach decided our fitness needed some working out so that's what we did. Hill sprints and round-the-hill runs. It ended up being a good session with the boys feeling pretty tired and well worked. Throughout the day we were unsure what was happening. Around 5pm last night we were transferred to the city again with a heavy police guard. After a restless night where we were not sure what was happening some of the player managers and players association bosses discussed the situation with us.

We were told that Olympia was too dangerous to stay in and we wouldn't be playing there any time soon. Straight away we thought of the family we had there. Coach gave us an hour to call up family and friends so Dorian took charge of family and me and G worked through the friends. Mum had already left to the countryside to stay with her cousins, but most of our friends were toughing it out in the city, hoping for the best.

Once everyone had sorted out their issues, we were told of the plans, although as it turned out these weren't very settled. We flew to Colbourne but almost as soon as we touched down we knew things weren't looking good there either. As it was, a few hours later we were back on the way home with the Colbourne team coming too. It was crazy and apparently the authorities thought it better to come to Peisandros despite the problems we were having.

Anyway, we toughed down in Delphi, but officials there warned against playing there because security had not been set up for an international football fixture. So, we were again shipped off to Ephesum were it was lovely and quiet for once. The Colbourne players were pretty exhausted and so were we. We settled in to our hotel for the night and just tried to get as much rest as possible before the game. It was hard to sleep knowing your country was in turmoil with no end in sight. The President has been pretty quiet so far, but apparently he is going to address the nation tonight, so that will be interesting.

Back to the reason I have this blog in the first place, football. No one really felt like playing but we knew we had to and knew it was important for us and the country to get out there. So we did. Put on the yellow and blue, ran out and got on with it. We were not looking to good and the game was scrappy. Luckily for us Praxis was feeling good. He let off a rocket late in the first half and got us the goal. From there we were pretty defensive and were happy with the one goal and the win.

Next up is Bazalonia, which is meant to be played at Delphi, but I don't know what's happening with that. Hopefully we can play there and hopefully the violence settles down but who knows. Coach has tried to get everyone's mind back on to football which is hard for everyone to deal with, but it's our jobs and we just have to do it. So that's all I can really say. If we do end up playing in Delphi, I urge everyone to come along in defiance of the violence and to make a stand against those who are making life hard for so many.

Full Schedule.
Pre Friendlies
vs Bears Armed @ National Sports Arena, Olympia. 2-1.
Qualifying Stage One.
vs Bostopia @ National Sports Arena, Olympia. 0-1
vs Colbourne @ People of Ephesum Stadium, Ephesum. 1-0.
vs Bazalonia @ Peisandros Bowl, Delphi.
at Edward City.
vs Lurikastan @ People of Ephesum Stadium, Ephesum.
at Kura-Pelland.
vs Mantwenic @ National Sports Arena, Olympia.
Mid Friendlies
vs Jeruselem @ National Sports Arena, Olympia.
at Ad'ihan.
Qualifying Stage Two.
at Bostopia
at Colbourne
at Bazalonia.
vs Edward City @ People of Ephesum Stadium, Ephesum.
at Lurikastan.
vs Kura-Pelland @ National Sports Arena, Olympia.
at Mantwenic
Post Friendlies
vs Myedvedeya (Unsure where).
at Krytenia.
at Taeshan.

Inside the High Priestess Temple, the High Priestess and the rest of the clergy were beginning to do their part in the reformation of the spirit of the country. The Books of Elune were being read and reread thoroughly to see how they might better construct their lives in accordance with the will of their beloved Goddess. It was a long and seemingly difficult task, as the populace had strayed but just a little according to the passages. Even so, inside the passages there were paradoxes and situations and statements that contradicted themselves. It was enough that the High Priestess was beginning to wonder if the process could be done, or in a way that Elune would approve of. It is a difficult thing to interpret the will of a Goddess, even more so when she appears to you that is only through images and not words does she send her message. An exasperated sigh made it's way from the Priestess' soft, moist lips, and sent a clear message to the two priestess that were working inside the candle lit room with her.

"It will be alright milady, Elune will never truly and completely abandon us, we are her own people. The only difference between us and her is that she was given divinity from the Unspoken Ones after her moralistic life. Through that divinity, I am sure that her wisdom has expanded exponentially, and she will understand that we are not all able to walk in her footsteps." the younger, and more graceful of the two Priestess remarked, trying to cheer up the High Priestess.

"It's not that, for I am sure that she will return to us in time, even if we do end up falling short of her desires in this reformation. It is the fact that she is right about how we have soo subtly been corrupted from our original form and are now flawed. We were created as an image of perfection incarnate from the Unspoken Ones, a race that was to be perfect and wise, one that would be able to guide the other races of this planet to perfection as well. Yet in our time here in the dying lands, it seems our perfection has been dying along side the lands that we inhabit."

The older, more beautiful of the two spoke up, "Perhaps that is why we were sent from the undying lands to here, to know the full depths of the corruption that the world can give, even to those who are supposed to be above such. Perfection is not of without flaws, it is knowing those flaws and working them out to a point where they do not directly influence your actions."

The younger one shook her long, golden locks. "I disagree. Perfection is the complete absence of flaws, something of which only the divine can achieve, or else they themselves would not be divine. It is an odd paradox, but it remains all the true. I know I am of those elves that were born here in the dying lands, so I do not know if what I theorize is true, but I suspect that those first seven elves were already divine, and that being sent here was a test of their divinity. Only Elune was able to pass that test, and this she became a deity."

The High Priestess gave a resigned chuckle. If they could not even agree on what perfection was, how where they ever going to become the more perfect being that Elune was wishing them to become?

Jeruselem Government News

Match day 13 not moving says Dazza Dallas

Jeruselem FA President rejected the requests to move the current Jeruselem vs AD’IHAN game at her own stadium to a neutral venue.

The Bike said
"It's not my fault AD’IHAN didn't allow some of the Jeruselem team to play in AD’IHAN. It's not my place for them change their system so it's not their place to ask us change where we play. Running Dazza Dallas Stadium is a commercial matter so I can't have an empty stadium. It's all about filling up seats. I don't care if the stadium is 100% Jeruselem fans if AD’IHAN fans boycott the game. If AD’IHAN turn up, they are in Jeruselem and follow our laws. If they want to move the game, I'd suggest a place like Qazox - a place full of civilized people. AD’IHAN will be allowed to turn up but as I said earlier, they'll need to heed Jeruselem laws. The game is one of few home games for Jeruselem in the 2nd half of qualification, and we don't want to lose a home game just because AD’IHAN want to do the same. I mean, the aim of this home and away stuff is one team turns up to play the other, and fans buy tickets to support their team. Naturally, the home team gets more fans. If one team's fans can't be trusted to not harm a visiting team, it's a sad state of affairs."

World Cup 45 Qualification - Group 2
PRQ: 1-3@ Newmanistan [32] (@ Putnam Lake Stadium, Putnam Lake - ???)
MD1: 2-2 @ Greal [43] (@ who knows where?)
MD2: 1-0 @ Taeshan [31] (@ %$#^)
MD3: @ Albundania [UNK] (@ here?)
MD4: @ Cassadaigua [50] (@ pink!)
MD5: vs Candelaria And Marquez [15] (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong - 150,000)
MD6: @ Mo Land 3 [141] (@ gemme moland!)
MD7: vs Achtervolging [98] (@ Dynasty Imperial Football Stadium, Namgyeong - 51,000)
MQ: @ Booblybobbers
MD8: vs Greal [43] (@ Goguryeo Football Stadium, Pyeongyang - 52,000)
MD9: vs Taeshan [31] (@ Sanhaemun Football Stadium, Cheonjin - 60,000)
MD10: vs Albundania [UNK] (@ Silk Road Stadium, Seoan - 56,000)
MD11: vs Cassadaigua [50] (@ Munhwa Football Stadium, Hanseong - 65,000)
MD12: @ Candelaria And Marquez [15] (@ somewhere good :P)
MD13: vs Mo Land 3 [141] (@ Potala, Lasa - 34,000)
MD14: @ Achtervolging [98] (@ ah-choo!)
PTQ: ???

*** The Spring Palace, Hangyeong***

"... The formation of the new provinces has cost the Empire approximately 35 million weon (圓), in establishing the new government offices, the new auxiliaries to create a fluid transfer of power from one center to other centers. In particular, the infrastructure improvements in Hokyong Province are likely to extend their costs beyond the present, with a final cost of approximately 50 million total. Nonetheless, there is considerable fear that we are under-investing our finances into this project and that more resources will be required for fluid transfer of power, but as we've stated before, Balhae Province is largely urbanized, and the infrastructure required to support the new government is already in place. It's Hokyong Province that's required the largest sum, since it is far to the east, beyond where the usual trade routes extend. In fact, our naval presence is only thing really sustaining the region beyond the local fisheries."

"Waste no expense upon trivial things," the Emperor replied. "I want a lean government," he continued. At a time when the world was talking about a global economic apocalypse (somewhere...), he didn't to seem too extravagant, especially if it meant saving the Empire's coffers for more serious matters. "Make the infrastructure work, by all means, but if it can be done more efficiently without sacrificing the necessary quality expected of all our Imperial auxiliaries, then let it be done cheaply."

"Your father never interfered in these sorts of affairs," the counselor replied, pausing in his presentation. The Counselor was a member of thhe government of Balhae, trying to coax His Imperial Majesty to giving them more funds for the project. A number of people were disappointed when the funds reserved for the restructuring of the government in the newly founded Balhae province that the majority of those funds went towards Hokyong and the already existant Manju Provinces. Should the richer provinces receive just as much finances to cover the costs?

"You haven't yet demonstrated to me the necessity to ensure the allotment of extra funds, Minister."

"I'm saying that spending more money in an area that gets money is sure to incur financial rewards more quickly. We have the infrastructure already! You'd be spending almost twice as much to get the same amount of returns on your input as you would spending the same amount with us!"

"That's precisely the thing!" the Emperor answered. "I want my provinces to be all rich, not some and the other. Balhae has also received its fair share, and I see no reason why my Finance Ministry should allot any more, if only to ensure greater divisions between my provinces."

"Your father would not say as much the same..."

"His father is not Emperor." The Daeweongun arrived at precisely the right moment. He always seemed to do that.

"Pyei-ha," the counselor said, continuing to try to appeal, "if the provincial ministers perceive inequal distribution of what's rightfully theirs, there will be discontent among the ranks..."

"Discontent among whose ranks?" the Daeweongun asked. "They all serve the Emperor! The Emperor gives what he must to ensure the Empire's survival."

"With all due respect, sire, I was talking to the Emperor."

The Emperor stood. "What the Daeweongun says is what the Emperor says as well. And this much more. If there is discontent among your ranks, let him speak his issues to me. And do not let himi beg more money from my hands without giving me a reason beyond what you've told me today. Because if I give according to the economic potential of a province, then Shingang and Monggol Provinces may as well die with the sands. And while I am Emperor, I'll not let that happen. If there is a pertinent need, let me know of it now."

The counselor said nothing more. The Emperor, content with the results, let them pack their equipment and leave. The presentation was hardly half-way through and they had to remove their projectors in entirety to return home empty-handed. When they had all vacated the room though, the Emperor Yeongmu had some words to share with his father.

"I do not appreciate your watch over my shoulders."

"I am trying to ensure that you have a handle on things."

"I do have a handle upon things. I do not need your shadow over my back. They still think you're Emperor."

"Am I?"

The Emperor paused. "Sometimes, I imagine it so."

The Daeweongun sighed. "I may be too bossy at times, but I mean well for you."

"I know you do."

"And I mean well for the Empire, because before long, I will not be there over your shoulders, and even when you want for my counsel, I cannot give it then. What more can I give each day to ensure that you will not need me when the time comes?"

"Sometimes, when the eagles leave their children, they toss them over a cliff to live or die."

"Yes... but we're not eagles. And if the eagle mother dies before they are ready to jump, they will all perish, first the mother then the children."

Analogies - the Emperor still had much to learn.

*** An Apartment, Hangyeong ***

He got back home late after last night's brawl. It was hardly a brawl, actually. Yim clearly detested anyone who had any disrespect for drama. And sometimes, even he would get too dramatic trying to express the necessity to understand that life is just a giant stage as one old bard once said (of course, not in his lifetime). It was the only way to live, after all. No man was ever what he professed to be, so why should he be constrained to live as such? The freest man was he who could be whomever he wanted to be, whenever he wanted to be it.

And so he was the enforcer...

A knock came at his door. Yim was clearly wasted, but he answered the door nonetheless. An officer at his door again?

"Sorry to disturb you at this hour, sir, but we've received reports of an attack near Jungan Street. We're conducting a search of the neighborhood and we're wondering if you have any clues as to what happened there last night."

"I drunk..." he replied.

"I can smell that. But did you notice any suspicious characters as you walked? Anyone bleeding?"

"I cut myself yesterday..." Yim showed the officer his pinky. It was bandaged.

"I'm sorry for your pain, sir. But I'm just trying to see if anyone was aware of what was going on last night."

"I'm drunk..."

"Yes, sir..." The officer didn't really want to waste any more time (he had hundreds of more houses to cover), so he pulled out his card. "Sir, if you regain any recollection of the events leading to the incidents in Jungan Street when you come to, please give us a call. And please remember to drink in moderation."

"I love you!" Yim said, taking the card.

"I... love you too. Have a nice day, sir."

Yim closed the door and instantly tossed the card into the trash can. He might have been drunk, but he was firmly sober enough to think methodically. Thankfully, his antics worked out perfectly. Of course, it was only a matter of time before the police probably figured out that he was the killer in the street, but he was counting on more important dates to come sooner than that day. Indeed, he had been preparing for quite some time, and the date was marked on his calendar. 78庚子年9月1日 (Sept. 1, 4717). It was a special date for him, and if he was successful, it would be a special date for everyone else too.

*** Lucky Cricket Bar, Jungan Street, Hangyeong ***

Even though No Seongmi had told him not to worry about his expectant visitor, he couldn't but help watch the door. In fact, he was so attentive to his visitors that he even wrote a log of all of the visitors who came into his pub that day, what they did, what they ate, and where they went within the place. To say the least, Kim Seungho was forced to break from his managerial duties at time to go next door to "buy" some stationnery from "Mu". Min could get his eyes off the door, for fear that he would miss something important. Come evening time, Hong was amazed to find how detailed Min could be in his observations.

"18th hour, Choe went out for a smoke. Threw down butt after he was finished 5 minutes later. I'd rather he pick them up." Everyone at the table was amusing.

"What is this, diary-reading session?" Hansu remarked, trying to hide his notes while watching the door.

Hong shrugged his shoulders. "This is watch the owner get frantic over every person who enters his bar."

"Hey, this could be very useful, you know?"

"How so?"

"I don't know... the agents came by earlier, they were looking for a murderer." Hansu pointed enthusiastically at his notes. "This could be their ticket that leads them to the murderer!"

"So they can do what? You know what the punishment for murder is?"

"I don't remember..."

"A fine. You have to pay the person's worth of money times 60 (60 years being age standard by which the Empire measure's a person's lifetime, even though the age expectancy has increased to well-beyond this figure)! And if you can't pay the fine... well, then you're pretty much screwed. On top of that, you lose your license, and then... who knows what happens? It's pretty much a license to get killed by any person who wants revenge..."

"Eh," Hansu replied, "these days punks have no value for money. I've seen them all come and go. You know what they want? An easy life. Nothing is easy. You might be lucky, but even lucky people have to work."

"You're living proof of that," Yu said enthusiastically. "Look at this place. It's all so nice now!"

Hansu shook his head. "Yu-sshi, that wasn't an invitation to start praising this hallowed ground."

"But it is very nice. You what kids need these days? Mandatory work. They should be forced to do hard labor until they learn good moral values, like discipline, honesty, and thirftfulness."

Hong laughed at that. "My parents taught me but naught. Everything I've learned was by experience and whatever I could grab from someone willing to teach me."

"You were orphaned at an early age!" Yu replied. "You don't count. And besides that, you learned hard work the hard way, and see where you are now! A respectable man!"

"A respectable bahcelor, at that," Choe said. "I insist kids these days don't need any more stress in their life. What they need is love, attention, and care."

Yu slapped Choe at that remark. "I love my children. I love my husband too! That's why I make them do the housechores!"

"Oh boy, I'd hate to be a kid in your household," Hong idly remarked.

"Ya! Could you quiet down a bit?" Hansu was a bit annoyed by the loud conversation. "I can't concentrate on who's coming into the place."

"No did tell you not to worry about who's coming or not," Chan said. He was resisting slapping Choe's fingers today with great resilience (and perhaps only because he was busily watch Hansu jot every note down about everything in the parlor). "You'll have plenty of visitors at the end of the day, and I'm pretty certain that Kim-sshi wouldn't want to go back to get more paper."

"I had him get me a notebook. Once I'm done with this paper, I'm going straight to the notebook."

"Ah... well, I think this is all just a bad waste of time."

"As opposed to a good waste of time?" Hong asked.

"Yes. Like drinking beer in a pub with good company."

"Ah, that is a good waste of time." And at that, the quartet lifted their bottle for a drink. "Geonbae (Cheers)!"

"Could you keep that down?" Hansu remarked. "I'm having trouble writing this down with all the noise that's coming from the crowd. Do you imagine that you could be a little more supportive? I mean, what if he comes today?"

"Then he comes," Yu said. "Until then, you should just stop your nonsense and get back to running your life. This premonition business is eating your time."

"It's not eating..."

Suddenly, a loud noise erupted from the kitchen. Hansu glanced only a little while at the door before heading straight to the kitchen. Ever since his fire incident, he was all the more careful about what happened in there, and the moment of any sign of trouble, he dashed there instantly. He was extremely relieved to see only a bunch of scattered plates on the floor.

"Ah, what's going on in here?"

"Min, seonsaengnim!" one of his cooks said. "We were trying to clear the table, but one of the servers came running in the way..."

The server had to reply. "I came into the way? Your %$#^ fat %$#^ %$#^ was in the way!..."

"Ya!" Hansu held up a stern finger at the server. "No cursing in my kitchen!"

"She was just too clumsy to care that I have a customer waiting for his order of fried rice!"

"Customers can wait. I'll deliver it. Just clean up this mess. Both of you. And be careful! The kitchen is a messy place enough, we don't need it to be messier." He pointed to the plate of fried rice and picked it up out of the while the server and cook both cleaned up the mess on the floor. It was only at that instant when Hansu exited the kitchen, though, that he saw the doors entering his bar a familiar face. A veryfamiliar face...

http://i159.photobucket.com/albums/t156/daehanjeiguk/Companies/MBC.png

Slender Win Keeps Han In Contention

TAESHAN - The ref screwed us up again! Majorly! Not only did they tell us that our team had to play with ten men on the field after a questionable tackle by Kim Yongji, they made us play the match in Taeshan! I didn't imagine that they had the power to do that, but those SLANI refs literally forced us to relocate at nearly the last minute before we started the match. I could see tha even Ioshido Toki was outraged to have the pitch changed at the last minute! Nothing was going our way that day! Absolutely nothing, becacuse every tackle was made suddenly became fouls, while the Taeshite team was free to tackle all that they'd like. They even got penalties for tackles made outside the %$#^ box! Luckily, Kim Jongguk was in a saving mood today, because he kept a clean sheet.

In fact, with all of the SLANI refs, we could only manage one shot on goal, and only one goal at that. Jeong Jihun, with a couple of goals already, took a fairly nice shot on the goal from way out - not a single doubt in anyone's mind - and were it any more complicated than that, the ref might have pulled the goal back for offsides or some other ludicrous call. That certainly made the visiting fans a lot happier as they continued chanting anti-ref chants, and chants for another spectacular goal (my guess because that's the only goal that the ref can't disallow legitimately).

After the match, some SLANI officials came apologizing to the world community, claiming that they had accidentally switched around a few fixtures for qualifying. In the general post-match, there were some really insane calls to have the fixtures literally reversed immediately, but given what the Han had suffered to get one goal, we weren't about to lose our match just because some bozo decided that reversing the fixtures was a good idea. Chances were that that guy's side lost their match... And if it were wholly up to the SLANI officials, they would have! But having screwed up already once, they weren't about ready to make another mistake, just for the sake of rectifying their desires to continue pushing the Han back out of the World Cup. Indeed, the one thing that we have learned today is that all the world is truly against us, and that we must fight our hardest against every single person in the world to ensure that the Han get their way into the World Cup.

Goal Tally
3 - Jeong Jihun
1 - Baek Jihun

I wonder why funerals CUT OFF traffic!

Juan Kim was stuck... literally. He managed to chew himself a pack of bubble gum, and forgot about where he'd stuck it. And it was stuck on him. And his chair. And the chair was stuck to the ground, because it was littered with crumbled pieces of paper, strewn across the floor from the kitchen to his working space. You could imagine just how many different kinds of BSF there was, and so far he wasn't even on the right track. And he was nearing his deadline too. Deadlines and no leads - that's usually a bad thing...

"Hello, is this BSF?"

"Yes this is."

"Oh good! I'm writing a report about the BSF and their recent decision to change their name from BFSA to BSF."

"Excuse me?"

Juan tried to clarify. "You see... I'm a journalist, and I need to write an article about something, but I need a lead on this BFSA to BSF change."

"I don't believe that we were ever the BFSA. We were the BSFA at one time though."

"Oh... really?"

"Yes."

"And could you elaborate on what that means?"

"Boy Scout Foundation of Allemenschen."

"And... why did you change your name to BSF?"

"Oh, because we were tired of being persecuted, so we changed our name to Boy Scout Foundation."

"What happened to the 'of Allemenschen' part?"

"Oh that's what we were being discriminated over."

"Why?"

"Because we weren't from Allemenschen."

"Where were you guys from?"

"Well, it began a long time ago, when the thetans created our universe our the innate desire to do some good in the universe. But soon after, they found that the universe they created was not perfect. And why you might ask? Well, because in the pursuit of their perfection, they tried to create a universe that equally amenable to every individual thetan. And the result was an imperfect representation of what they perceived to innate universal perfection. And the universe only exists because they..."

Juan Kim suddenly became rude and hung up the phone. After a minute of so, he recollected his thoughts. Religious non-sense was the last thing that he wanted to hear.

He tried another number.

"Hey, you hung up!" the guy at the other end of the line said suddenly. "How rude?"

"How'd you do that?"

"Well, I tapped your phone, so now you can listen to the full story about how the Boy Scout Foundation came to be."

"But this isn't about Boy Scouts."

"I know. But you were asking."

"So what about Boy Scouts?"

"Oh, well, the Boy Scouts part gets the youngins closer to our organization, so they can become a part of their universal theta. We're really doing a service for them, and it doesn't come cheap..."

Juan hung up the phone, uncertain whether he should try answering the phone. Instead, he chose using a cell phone.

"Hey, mister! I'm trying to tell you a story here!"

"GAH! This is my cell phone!"

"I know. We triangulated your position, using global position systems to find you. We activated the nearest cell phone within your perimeter and locked onto it. Just so you know, we know who you are, where you are, what you are, and what you're doing. We know that you stuck to your chair, which is stuck in your room. Now if you want to know our story, you'll pay attention. Because we know... you have no where to go."

"GAH!" Juan hung up his cell phone and threw out the battery.

Instantly, a website popped up on his computer, with the guys voice sounding off from the speakers. "You're not being very cooperative here. I'm trying to give you the whole story, and you're just trying to shrug us off! And to think we're trying to save your soul from eternal pain and suffering. You've got free yourself from your ludicrous beliefs about the universe!..."

Juan kicked his computer with a force that shattered it nearly completely. He tried to free himself from his chair, but the gum was so thick that he could hardly move an inch off the back. And while he tried, an mp3 player that just out of reach suddenly appeared in the room, with the guy's voice on the end of it. "You're not listening..."

Matchday 3 results (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14572845&postcount=5)

The following are products of the Times of Chelmar. They are utterly IC constructs. As such, they bear the standard Yaforite bias towards defense and they are not at all perfect (although intended to be as objective as possible). I'm sorry if you have a problem with them. My advice? Don't. They're not an attack on anyone.

World Cup Qualifier Power Rankings

1(NR) Valanora 3 3 0 0 7 2 +5 9
2(NR) The Holy Empire 3 3 0 0 10 3 +7 9
3(NR) Kosovoe 3 3 0 0 8 2 +6 9
4(NR) Starblaydia 3 3 0 0 6 0 +6 9
5(NR) Bears Armed 3 3 0 0 4 0 +4 9
6(NR) Jeruselem 3 3 0 0 10 4 +6 9
7(NR) Ad’ihan 3 3 0 0 6 2 +4 9
8(NR) Milchama 3 3 0 0 6 1 +5 9
9(NR) Sorthern Northland 3 3 0 0 9 5 +4 9
10(NR) Edward City 3 2 1 0 7 1 +6 7
11(NR) Cassadaigua 3 3 0 0 8 3 +5 9
12(NR) Akbarabad 3 3 0 0 9 3 +6 9
13(NR) Kelssek 3 3 0 0 5 2 +3 9
14(NR) Vephrall 3 2 1 0 5 1 +4 7
15(NR) Yafalonia and Bazor 2 3 2 1 0 8 1 +7 7
16(NR) Peisandros 3 2 0 1 2 1 +1 6
17(NR) The Han Empire 3 2 1 0 5 2 +3 7
18(NR) Yafor 2 3 2 0 1 9 4 +5 6
19(NR) Taeshan 3 2 0 1 4 1 +3 6
20(NR) Dancougar 3 2 0 1 7 5 +2 6

1: Valanora - All right, there is a certain amount of bias inherent in this and the overwhelming need to pick the number one team in the world first, but there is no question that Valanora has been amazing. A perfect record and their excellent seven goals scored and two goals allowed aside, the elves have defeated the likes of Jeru FC and Secristan relatively easily, proving their supremacy over good teams. While they have yet to face a really good match (and probably won't through qualifying), their dominance places them at the number one position.

2: The Holy Empire - Cavemen have been destroying their opposition. The incredible ten goals scored (paired with only three allowed) puts Alsdair I Frosticus as the second best team on these power rankings. They'll face a strong test in the also-highly-ranked Starblaydi squad, but for now, the caveman offense that the Holy Empire wields has appeared to be nothing, if not unstoppable.

3: Kosovoe - Probably the biggest surprise in recent years, Kosovoe have solidified their case as one of the top teams in the world with this performance. The major decision that puts them in such a high position in these power rankings is their 3-1 destruction of one of the top squads in the world, in Qazox. Kosovoe's strength of schedule will be tested, however, as they journey to sides like Bears Armed and Dancougar in future weeks.

4: Starblaydia - As surprising as it may be to have two teams from the same group in the top four, Starblaydia has ridden the best defense in the tournament to the top. An attacking side, they have somehow and remarkably allowed no goals to opposing teams. None. That's defensive superiority rivaled by the best defensive teams in history. Honestly, the Starblaydia-Holy Empire showdown should herald the top defense and top offense in the tournament head-to-head.

5: Bears Armed - If you speak of the Starblaydi defense as good, then the Bears Armed defense should be as good. There's a question as to whether they've faced sides worthy of testing their defense and in a group as good as their group is turning out, it seems like they might. Nonetheless, the Bears have scored as many goals as sixth-placed Septentrionia, but when one allows no goals, that tends to balance out.

6: Jeruselem - They should be higher, but with three 3-0-0 teams in their group, the question as to how strong their opposition really is comes into question. Nonetheless, the Jeruselemite offense has been in full gear, scoring as many goals as the cavemen of the Holy Empire. The Jeruselem-Ad'ihan match should be one of the most entertaining, especially considering the off-field drama that is accompanying it.

7: Ad'ihan - Speaking of Devida Cal's side, here they are. While their offense is nowhere near as high-powered as that of Jeruselem, one ought to respect their perfect record, as well as their recent demolition of Lecland. The Ad'ihanis have been very careful about not underestimating other sides, and it is showing, with their excellent preparation and successful victories. Still waiting for the match against Jeruselem, though.

8: Milchama - The confused Jewish side jump way above group leaders Akbarabad on strength of schedule. Both sides are undefeated, but Milchama have had success against consistently superior opposition, such as the advertisement-side of Prux. Prux have been recently among the qualifiers internationally, so for a Milchama side to beat them rather severely only raises Milchama's ranking, especially in comparison to Akbarabad, who have defeated less-prestigious sides.

9: Sorthern Northland - The duck-fearing Port-of-Clotaire-spamming Northlandish have had a very potent offense, but their defense appears troublesome at the same time. It's not difficult to imagine them having trouble down the line. Nonetheless, the Northlandish do lead their group and have had remarkable success against a pack of sides who, while not among the first tier internationally, include up-and-comers Quintessence of Dust and Sarzonia, precluding the possibility of random upsets.

10: Edward City - While it might be hasty to put a one-draw side above a few more perfect sides, Edward City have certainly earned their ranking. A draw at a top-class side in Kura-Pelland is more than excusable and two rather convincing wins, along with a Baptism of Fire victory that was never in doubt have Edward City rounding off the top ten, bypassing a set of sides who are certainly more prestigious and better-known, but who are not performing near the level of the side from Edward City.

11: Cassadaigua - There could be a very good case that Cassadaigua, with their eight goals scored and two goals allowed would be much better placed alongside a side like Ad'ihan or Jeruselem in the top ten, but in all honesty, I'm not convinced. The fully-female side have certainly been very good, but they have yet to face a real test and when they do (and almost certainly pass it), I will certainly move them further up. Watch for Cassadaigua, who could act as spoilers in the proper, if they get there.

12: Akbarabad - Very much the same story as Cassadaigua here. They are very good (though, objectively, they have had nowhere near the strength of schedule as their group-mates Milchama and don't deserve to be near them), but they have yet to come anywhere near a top-ranked side (Septentrionia, for all the hype, really don't qualify in that regard), so it would seem logical to wait and see for them, especially for games with Prux and Milchama.

13: Kelssek - While they may not be the lowest-ranked perfect side, Kelssek are certainly third-best in Group 10. It doesn't help their cause that none of their victories against sub-par opposition have been utterly decisive, and when weighing perfect sides, that's the gold standard. Kelssek have quietly been very successful, but they need to defeat one of the other perfect sides in their group to advance in these rankings, otherwise they might find themselves falling, and quickly.

14: Vephrall - There is certainly a very good case that Vephrall might be a little higher in these rankings. They lead their group, and have allowed only one goal. Moreover, their only draw was to an Archregimancy side that ought to be considered one of the more difficult opponents in the World Cup as a whole. However, Vephrall will need to progress in undefeated manner for much of the remainder of the World Cup in order to continue to progress in the rankings, given the relative weakness of their group.

15: Yafalonia and Bazor 2 - FAIL are really not FAILing (argh, a Great Sacred Seats pun!). Behind Miso Kite, Rachel Kneal, and co., the schizophrenic side have been remarkably good. A goalless draw with semifinalists Cafundeu is really nothing to be ashamed of, and they have proven their supremacy in their wins. A very good case could be made for them to be higher, but Y&B2 will have to defeat some higher-ranked sides in order for them to really be verified as a contender - and they blew that chance against Cafundeu.

16: Peisandros - The Sandrians fully deserve to be the number one one-loss side in the power rankings. Not only are they second in their group, but they have shown themselves to be very skilled against top sides, including a 1-0 defeat of Bazalonia. Their one loss comes to an under performing quarterfinalist in Bostopia, so there is no shame in that loss. If anything, the Peisandros-Edward City game ought to be one to look forward to in the future.

17: The Han Empire - Their 1-0 defeat of Taeshan is the only reason that Daehanjeiguk is above that side. Their 2-2 draw with Greal is very disappointing for a side as good as the Han, as well as a side as good as the Hans expected themselves to be. While they have the ability to drastically improve their own circumstances, it will require the Hans to defeat their group leaders in Cassadaigua, as well as to defeat the other sides in their group, and neither task is exactly "easy".

18: Yafor 2 - It's a difficult decision to pick between Yafor 2 and Rennidan for this slot. In the end, it goes to Yafor 2 on behalf of their destruction of sides like Myedvedeya and West Newmanistan as well as their group lead. This is a Yaforite side that seems to want to score goals, and it bit them in the backside as Rennidan defeated them in a close match. A 2-0 loss to Lovisa for Rennidan is probably more understandable, but a victory over Yafor 2 heralds inconsistency, not success. Expect the lowest-ranked group leaders to improve or lose their ranking position.

19: Taeshan - For Taeshan, a loss to the Han Empire (especially a relatively close one) is rather understandable, while a 3-0 mashing of Candelaria and Marquez, one of the better mid-level sides in the world is certainly very unexpected. Taeshan will face more high-ranked sides in the rest of qualifying, however, so if Taeshan really deserve one of the higher power ranking slots, Taeshan will defeat them or will fall to the wayside.

20: Dancougar - It's a difficult choice between Dancougar, Qazox, and Rennidan for this slot. It goes to Dancougar on virtue of the fact that Qazox's victory over them was a lot closer and more understandable than Kosovoe's victory over Qazox. Similarly, both sides have been far better than Rennidan, who have shown inconsistency in the face of internal turmoil. Expect Dancougar to drastically improve and to meet the norm of Dancougar sides in the past, as it is doubtful that they will continue to struggle.

If away losses in the first two matches combined with a sex scandal involving two of his players weren't frustration enough for Sarzonia Manager Brian Wilson, playing a drab goalless draw against Greston in their first match at the friendly confines of Bryan Marshall Memorial Stadium and hearing boos cascading from the stands set him off even further.

Up in the executive suite, Incorporated Football Federation Chairman Dave Wilson looked on sullenly. He knew his son hadn't had years of experience as a national team manager and hadn't gone through the ebbs and flows of a qualifying campaign until the Stars started their magical ride that nearly ended up with a trip to the Finals.

Unlike the unranked Cinderella Stars, this team has not borne the weight of expectations well. During the last qualifying campaign, the Stars had four points through two matches. This team needed its third match to secure one point ahead of an away fixture at Estádio Rei Albieri Van Tocco in Cafundó do Juta. For the uninitiated, that's in Cafundéu. Third ranked Cafundéu. World Cup XLIV finalist Cafundéu.

Dave Wilson made the slow walk down the stairs from the executive suite down to the team's dressing room. It's a walk he normally would never make. He knew the dressing room was the inner sanctum. He respected it when he was the manager himself, even when Brian was his star forward. Now, he was about to cross that threshold and walk in for the first time since his second retirement as Sarzonia's manager.

Before he did, though, he heard the sound of something slamming. He heard a familiar voice's scream. He knew what was happening.

"Brian," Dave Wilson shouted. Even all the years later, long after David Wayne Wilson stopped wielding any parental authority over his son, hearing the octogenarian raise his voice was enough to stop Brian Wilson dead in his tracks. He had a clipboard in his right hand and was about to launch it toward the wall.

"Dad!" Brian looked at his father's face. It was a face worn with years of World Cup qualifying campaigns and AOCAF tournament runs. It was a face weathered by the vagaries of athletic politics. But it was also the face of disappointment. In the team for squandering an opportunity for three points against a team ranked much lower than its own. In George Morrison and Tim Rodney for not waiting until they reached their hotel room to do something few teams would allow.

Most importantly, however, it was disappointment in Brian Lawrence Wilson. Not that his team had one point out of a possible nine. Not that his team was level with two other teams for last place in the Group 8 table. No, Dave Wilson was disappointed with his son for losing control.

"Brian, may I see you for a moment?"

"Of course. Chris? Would you do the honours?"

Hannan nodded, then turned to address the team about its performance. Meanwhile, Dave and Brian went into Brian's office. As Dave slowly shut the door behind him, he turned toward his son and shook his head.

"It's been a long three matches, hasn't it?"

"Yes," Brian Wilson said with a little bit of pent up irritation adding an edge to his voice.

"Brian, I have every confidence in you that you'll pull this together," Dave said. "I think you know how I feel right now."

"Disappointed."

"Yes. In the side. In George and Tim. In you."

"Results aren't what you expected."

"It's not just the results," Dave said slowly. He looked at Brian with his eyebrows slightly arched.

"Frankly, I'm upset with you that you lost control of yourself in the room."

"Dad," Brian began.

"Look, I know your temper. Lord knows I know your temper," Dave said. "But you have to remember this is a process. We're not going to be World Cup champions overnight. In fact, it may be a few World Cups before we even qualify for the finals. There are a lot of good teams out there in the same position we're in now. And facing two teams in the top 36 in the world away doesn't exactly help.

"But what we need from you right now isn't just managing tactics. It isn't deciding who's going to start where. They need you to lead them. They need you to let them know that this is a long qualifying campaign. They need you to tell them that you're not going to let a sex scandal tear the team up. They need you to tell them that our supporters have a right to be angry right now.

"Frankly, you're in danger of losing this team. I say this not as the IFF chairman, not as your father, but as a former national team manager myself. I've been through many a World Cup and AOCAF tournament. I've been around long enough to feel like I can take the pulse of a team. The players won't tell you. Except Zachary. I'm sure you know he'll tell you exactly what he thinks."

"Don't I know that?"

"He's just like his father," Dave said with a chuckle. "Never pass up an opportunity to say what's on his mind."

Both men laughed a little bit.

"Going back to my point," Dave said. "The players right now are concerned that you don't have the temperament needed to shepherd this team through the long haul. They think you'd be the perfect manager to guide the team once it's a consistent World Cup qualifier. They think you'd be the right manager in the World Cup final itself. But they don't know if you're the one to lead a rebuilding programme."

"What do you think, Dad?"

Dave paused slightly, choosing his words carefully.

"I think you are the right man for this job. Now and for the long term," he said. "But outbursts like this one with a still inexperienced side tell me there's some merit to the team's concerns. I suggest you talk things over with the players in a non-threatening atmosphere."

"What do you recommend?"

"You could always take the team down to Nicksia to see the new stadium."

"The stadium's not going to be ready until the post-qualifying friendly against Krytenia."

"It's ready to use now," Dave said. "We just wanted the first match for the new grounds to be the final match of the Mike Sarzo Memorial Trophy. But we could play our next fixture against the Quodites there if we wanted to. That stadium is ready, and it's spectacular. ShinyPlaces did a bang up job building it."

"A Kura-Pellandi company built it?"

"Yes," Dave said. "They also built the new Iron Bowl in Portland."

"Wow," Brian said.

"Back to the team," Dave said. "I suggest taking the team on a tour of the new stadium. Take a day or two off, go hit the touristy sites in Nicksia. Chat them up about ways to address your concerns and theirs. I'm sure you'll get their confidence back."

Brian nodded. He then saw Zack walk into the office. Three generations of Wilsons were in the room.

"Dad, Grandpa," Zack said. "Uncle Kevin wants to know if you'd be interested in taking him on as an advisor or a second assistant manager."

"It's your decision," Dave said.

Jeruselem Government News

Jeruselem FA ready to compromise on home game against Ad'ihan?

Sources in the Jeruselem FA have said despite the "fighting" words from Dazza Dallas, she's actually plotting to move the game to another venue. In the spirit of the usual banter, what happens in reality and what is publicly announced isn't the same thing. Sources say Dazza is planning to make Qazox the neutral venue for the Jeruselem vs Ad'ihan match day 13.

Dazza did spend quite a bit of time in Qazox as the official ambassador before kicked out during the Qazian isolation from the outside world leading to a nasty war in the Q Continuum. The Jeruselem FA didn't comment on the rumour but didn't outright deny it either. JGN asked her daughters Kate, Jacinta and Marie-Antoinette but they had no idea about what was going on.

Marie did say
"I don't care where it's played as long as it's not in Pistachio-nut land or Southern Northland. Knowing Mum, it's not going be either of those two. Qazox is nice place to play football! I spent a lot of time there. There's some really good stadia there so if it's in Qazox, I'd be happy."

The pattern of events is quite normal for Jeruselem. First the fighting words then a compromise done later.

OOC
I've asked Qaz about this ...

Saint Nash Courier
If you haven't heard it before, It's News to you!
SPORTS
Pheonix Rebound against Floating jerseys

After the whatever it was that happened in Kosovoe (we're sworn not to talk about it), Qazox finished its 3-game opening trip with a 2-0 win over Invisible Wabbits. However, when the team made it unto the pitch, no-one was found, except 11 floating jerseys.

Despite the un-nerving sight of 11 floating jerseys, Qazox had little trouble beating what- or whom-ever it was in them. Reginald Gillispie and Angel Kenworthy scored int he second half. Kenworthy became just the 3rd Qazox player to score 5 goals in his first three games following his goal last week against Kosovoe.

Breaking news as Jeruselem will host Ad'ihan in Irene Jacobvitz Stadium, Kibbutz; Capacity: 66,000. for their match in Week 13 of qualifying. This was in response to Ad'ihan denying some Jeruselem visas for their match in Ad'ihan later these qualifiers. The setting should make Jeruselem feel at home as Kibbutz is home to the vast majority of Qazoxian Jews.

Finally Qazox comes home as they will take on Bears Armed @ Henrí Savagé Stadium, New Recife. A sellout crowd of 73,000.


Scoring Summary:
Qazox:
Reginald Gillispie: 53'
Angel Kenworthy (5): 68'

Invisible Wabbits:
None

Hellispont Times-Herald
Wombats cut Puppets short

After almost blowing a 3-0 lead, the wombats held of the Dariusville puppets to earn a 4-2 win which moves the team, for now, into 3rd place.

Lee Dobbs, John Daig and Nathan Amun all scored in the first half, (12', 30 and 42') and a 4th goal was disallowed by an offsides call. With such a big half-time lead, Jason Chalmers subbed in a couple reserves to get them playing experience.

That move almost back-fired as Ryan Hardy, who had come in for Brianna Sracky, was promptly given a red-card for a hard tackle on The Scarecrow, a tackle that literally knocked the stuffing out of him. Now down a man, the puppets rallied behind 2 goals from The Scarecrow in the 68th and 74th minutes.

But with 3-3 draw looming, a slip by Dariusville's Pinocchio, allowed Natalie Durbin to slip on by and score the 4th goal in the 86th minute to seal the win.

The wombats now head home to take on Garlano, a team Green wombat should have little trouble with. but with a trip to The Holy Empire looming, this could be a trap game.

Purple Knights Thrash Candelaria

Just days after Taeshan spiraled into political turmoil the Knights started of the new regime with a blowout victory over there foes Candelaria and Marquez who they had faced many times before in many friendlies. This time after many earlier losses to the better teams from the land of Calendara they broke through and even with there defensive side still showing in there shuour the Knights would win there first game since the big political blowup.

The Knights put forth a horrific attack ravaging the Candelarains of all there honor and dignity thrashing them all over the field and harrasing them like an old girlfriend. They easily passed the ball through the hapless Calendarian defense who seemed to totally give up on the game as they fell behind fast. The game would feature the first Knights hattrick in a long time when Brian Ying Uing found the net thrice with a goal in the 77th, 45th and 20th. They smashed the other team easily and now everyone knows who the team is.

News from the government is not good., Many Capitalizt officials and Senators have decided to defect to the outer island of Quarant Xa'virt and the Island Province of Wolfin. Yesterday the Senate had a historical low of only 55 members of the 80 in on the day. The Soccer teams home games have been canceled and moved to an indisclosed place in another country. There is speculation that they will be playing those game in Daehanjeiguk, Candelaria or perhaps even asking on the aid of the Qazian Sports Federation. At least either way they will still be able to play and greatly represent are nation.

Blue Tornado Defeat The Macabees

And if you didn't already know, I have something to tell you. The Blue Tornado's run last tournament to the round of sixteen was for real and these year they are likely to do it again. The Tornado on top of Group 6 right now are far afront of the other teams and seem to be having no problem keeping up with the expected group leaders Qazox, and Dancougar. They infact are beating the shnikes out of those teams and running away from the group, or at least until they play the Black Wings. Either way the team is well on there way to making it, but either way they are pretty good.

In yesterdays game versus the MMacabees the score was never in doubt. Even before the game many had though that the Macabees were not even close to there old form and the game prooved it. Jamie Barry scored the teams first goal in the 47th minute. Then the team past the ball around for a while playing, or toying with the defense and trying to get them to attack. Finally Ossi Euro would find Angel Kenssington for the second goal. The Tornado are passing there expectations and right now look to be at top form, and on there way to another tournament appearance.

The Loose Cannon Newsletter - News from Jeru FC army idiots

Jeru FC played the Elves or Valanora or whatever they call themselves. As you all know the team lost but then you don't expect the Cannons to beat a team like that. Still, it was 3-1 scoreline which was pretty good by our standards. The coach didn't get too mad with us over the loss. Sure we lost, but we fought hard to keep in the game but could not hold out the tidal wave of Elven power.

There were some positives out the game. First our defense isn't crap! In the past, a team like the Elves would score six goals but this time round it was only three. Secondly, we scored a goal against them - which is a good sign we don't go all System Karela when things are bad. Thirdly, we didn't get all depressed. We're handled the loss a lot better than in the past.

After last cup, when we fell over the line to qualify - it's given us hope we can do it again. It's not been the best start but a loss against Godzilla Elves and draw against rivals from that Asian place (not the Han) is not bad. We've played the hardest games early, leaving us to see if we can pick wins against weaker teams.

There's been reports Jeru FC have been partying too hard. No, it's all crap. Most Jeru FC members don't have a lot of money so we can't party too much and the coach is limiting the amount of partying we do. A lot before the Cup and a lot after but not a lot in between. I think this is good since we don't have hangovers during a game. The days of Jeru FC behaving like Southern Northland are over. Sure, if Merginn took over we'd go back that way but the current coach isn't a Merginn.


People complain these newsletters are very dull and don't have colour, so we are making all the text Green and Brown for this one to stop the whingers. I was going to use the Jeruselem pink and blue but I was reminded we're Jeru FC and not Jeruselem. Anyway, we lost but who cares. That game is out of the way now.

Kaye

Dancougar News!!
Rejected headline: "I am Bushdome. People once called me a Newtype."

Wings get the dubya over Bushdome: At long last, the Wings gave someone the business.

Karen Stadler scored twice and Luke Brengle made six saves as Dancougar defeated Bushdome 4-0 in the third game of an impromptu four-game homestand. The result keeps Dancougar within reach of the group leaders but sit just outside the qualification zone in fourth after three games.

"Our job right now is to play one game at a time and build a solid foundation for the rest of the round," said coach Shigeru Takeuchi, who managed to relieve some of the mounting pressure with the win. "We're going to get opportunities against the teams ahead of us, but we have to focus on games like this and make sure we build momentum."

Before the game, the three DV-3 Rhinemaidens of the MDF's Freya Team took part in an airstrike involving a concrete bunker filled with rubber chickens. The team, which included Princess Erica, destroyed the bunker and proceeded to a flyby over the National Stadium just moments before kickoff, where the crowd was already in full voice thanks to a live video feed of the bombing played on the stadium's Jumbotron.

Then Stadler whipped them into a further frenzy in the fourth minute by turning a botched cross into a goal. Christian Chojnacki ran down the left side with possession and attempted to switch to the opposite side. He meant to bend the cross away from goal for Dan Florentino, but it was mishit and sailed toward it instead. The Bushdome central defender got in position to make a play on it while the goalkeeper stayed on his line. Stadler flew into the play and timed her jump perfectly. She knocked the ball over another defender and, continuing her run, managed to get a foot to the ball before the 'keeper pounced. She gave it enough to slide into the net, and Dancougar were off and running.

A breakout in the eleventh minute led to a doubled lead. Florentino stepped up to intercept a pass and quickly fired a long ball down the sideline for Chojnacki. Chojnacki beat his defender and slipped the ball back towards the middle, where Augustine Dennin was waiting. But rather than try to beat the defenders fighting to get back into the play, he squared the ball again where Lyle Dylandy was running into a clear look from fifteen yards away. He didn't miss.

"That's the kind of smooth play we were lacking over the first couple games," said Dylandy, who followed up on his match-winner against the Macabees.

Bushdome had a five-minute spell where they threatened to get back into the game, as the Wings backed off a bit rather than press their advantage. Brengle pushed a stinger wide in the 15th minute and looked much more confident than he did in the opener. He took authority of any ball in the air, although at one point he failed to punch it away cleanly, only to be saved when the Bushdome midfielder pounded the ball a mile over the bar.

"My positioning was a little off, but I'm starting to get into the flow of things," said Brengle. "[Yuji Watanabe] always made it look pretty easy." But he'll do well to remember that Watanabe, for all his heroics, also suffered through sore spells. In World Cup 41, he gave up nine goals in two matches to see Dancougar crash out of the opening round.

Stadler made it 3-0 on the half-hour mark, but this time her goal was less of a fluke. Rather than a frantic poke with the outside of her foot, Stadler fired home a blistering shot after more solid build-up play in the midfield. Casey Berber sent a cross Dennin's way that was headed away by a defender, but Chojnacki got on the ball to keep the play alive. He sent a low pass to Alexei Voronzoff, but Voronzoff stepped over it and it fell to Stadler, who blasted it from the top of the box. It took a deflection off a Bushdome defender and caught the 'keeper moving in the wrong direction.

The 3-0 halftime lead ensured a favorable atmosphere for the start of the second half, as Bushdome were expected to press hard and threaten to make a run. But whatever Takeuchi said to the team kept them fired up defensively. Brengle once again stepped up and ensured that the visitors could do no better than earn a corner, and from there, Berber dominated the box and kept the ball out of the danger zone. Takeuchi felt sufficiently comfortable to pull off defender Don Samrov with half an hour to play to insert midfielder Al McNespy. Voronzoff slid up to return the Wings to the 3-4-1-2 they planned to use before Qazox tore it apart.

Voronzoff made it a rout in the 64th after being gifted a free header on a corner kick. He slipped to the far post and nobody picked him up, and it took a simple redirection to beat the 'keeper, who hardly had time to turn around.

"It's been a pretty wild ride, I guess, these first three games," said Voronzoff. "Right now we're a little closer to where we want to be, but there's always room for improvement."

Wings to tackle force of nature: Wipe that smirk off your face, dear readers, because the Blue Tornado of Kosovoe are here to kick ass and take names. And their little black book is just about full.

Kosovoe, once cast aside as a footballing lightweight, have followed up on their run to the World Cup 44 knockout stage with a lighting start to qualifying. They sit atop group six with Bears Armed with three wins from three, including a 3-1 beatdown of Qazox that nobody saw coming. Unlike Bears Armed, though, Kosovoe have brought their offense and, at this stage, must be considered the class of the group.

"Kosovoe are a team on the rise right now, and they really believe they have the skill to do some real damage," said Shigeru Takeuchi. "We must be responsible at the back because they've shown a real carefree attitude when it comes to the offense."

"They're the real deal," said forward Augustine Dennin. "I think we focus too much on the rankings and don't pay attention to what these teams do well. And they're on a rampage right now because nobody's taking them seriously yet."

Having already whiffed their home game with Qazox, this game is crucial to the Wings. In fact, we're calling it a must win despite being only the fourth out of fourteen. It's effectively worth six points; a Kosovoe win doubles their lead over the Wings. It would also be a massive mental blow for the Wings to be 0-2 against teams ahead of them in the standings, which is not a recipe for World Cup qualification. The team absolutely must take advantage of the home field, because the five game road trip that awaits them could destroy their resolve and their record.

Starting XI: Brengle; Berber, Bogart, Cecilia, Edrington; Chojnacki, Dylandy, Florentino, Voronzoff; Rosberg, Stadler
Substitutes: Komarov; Heath, Sakuraba; Landro, McNespy; Dennin, Garbett

Naked News Dancougar "totally not happening": Sporting Lakeport forward and Newmanistan legend Jeremy McAllister has recently made waves in the Dancougar media by suggesting that a localized version of the popular Jeruselem news program should be produced.

The chairman of the Royal Telecommunications Commission has already stated that there's no chance of such a program appearing on network or cable television. "Simply put, the ethical standards we've put in place make such a program impossible to air on broadcast television," he said. After we pointed out that the many anime programs in Dancougar reguarly depict nudity and extreme violence, he merely shrugged and responded, "Meh."

Fan reaction was initially positive. "Karen Stadler may be thirty, but she's a fox," wrote one forum user. "I'd totally watch if she was on it." Not surprisingly, the strongest voices of support came from the DSPN forums, which are viewed heavily by males in the 18-34 age bracket according to the network.

Stadler said the comments were flattering, but the chance of her appearing on a Naked News Dancougar was "less than zero." Stadler has made an annual tradition of turning down requests by Pictorial Athletics magazine that she appear in their swimsuit issue. Dancougar's other female D-Leaguers, Eastport's Lillian DaCosta and Raymaley's Annamaria Shoemaker, have declined to comment.

As a joke, 62-year-old DSPN basketball commentator Rick Libide said he would happily appear on a Naked News Dancougar for the upcoming NSCAA tournament. "There's nothing more natural than the draw, baby, so let it all out for the committee!" he said on the air, eliciting a chuckle from his boothmates and cries of "DO NOT WANT" from the greater internet.

Akbarabad on top.

(AKbarabad Press, AP): The Akbarabad national team regained top spot in Group with a 5-2 thrashing of Ierissos. Samin Akbar scored a hat trick (the second of his career) with the other goals coming from Zahid Mohammed and Khaled Assad while the even the two goals conceded did not take the gloss of the victory which left the the team on top on goal difference. The team faces it's biggest challenge in it's next match away to number 8 side Milchama. A good result in that game would prove that the results so far are not a flash in the pan, and underline the side's world cup challenge.

President Catalinoff knew he had to make a statement. People all over the country had been calling for one for days and there was no way he could hold off any longer. Leaving it as late as possible had worked though, as after his discussion with Alex, things had become clearer and he felt in a far better and stronger situation. Shock had worn off and he knew it was time to act. He was President. He needn't be afraid of some rogue militants stirring people up. This was his country and he had been chosen to rule over it. After talks with the Ministers of Police, Internal Security and Defence, a plan of sorts had been decided upon.

The main problem was Olympia, that was were the situation was centred. Olympia had been brought to a near stand still with residents afraid to leave their homes and police engaging in shoot-outs around the city. Delphi wasn't in the best of ways either, but it was functioning well enough. With police casualties already over fifteen, the Minister had demanded more protection. With the Peisandros Army being far from busy, the Defence Minister was able to allocate 1,000 troops for the Police to command within Olympia. These, all agreed, should be enough to bolster the ranks. It was really the Minister of Internal Security who had developed the plan to regain control of the city centre.

"It's actually very simple. Mr President as you know we have some good intelligence coming from the militants. We know a few of their plans and the two locations they are operating from. Our main problem is that they have garnered some public support and there may be an outcry of sorts, so we have to be careful. What I propose would minimise civilian deaths and also end most of the violence in one swift response. Firstly I believe we need to leak a story about the militants killing civilians. That way we can have a real excuse to get in there and fuck th.. I mean, sorry sir. We could get in there and clean these men out. It's simple. With these 1,000 troops, we can easily get rid of the ruffians."

"If it was that simple, why didn't we do it from the start?"

"Well sir, we didn't understand how simple the problem was. With the new intelligence we see now that these are not a whole lot of civilians stepping up and acting randomly and ruthlessly, it's a small organised group who have a number of stupid followers. If we wipe out that core group, those supporters will drop like flies."

"I see. Well, we don't have much else to do. I need to make a statement tonight, perhaps I could mention the civilian deaths from this group?"

"Yes sir, that would be a good idea."

"Sir, if I might add?" the Police Minister spoke up.

"Go ahead."

"Well, I think it would be advantageous to you and also the Peisandros Police Force, if you mentioned the grave loss of life we have incurred, because it may conjure some positive emotions towards the Police Force and your own government."

"Hmm, possibly Minister. I'll talk to the writer, see what we can come up with."

"Okay sir, thank you."

"Alright boys, I'll see you tomorrow and we can finalise the plans."

John still couldn't believe it had all started because of one stupid prisoner running riot, killing seven cops. He was captured and John had ordered him shot immediately. But that seemed to spur the militant group to spring in to action. They took a lot from this man standing up to the authorities and followed suit. Now that he had been killed and plans to quiet the rest of the group had been formalised, this should spell an end to the problems... He hoped so anyway. For now it was time to address the nation and get shit sorted out.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Peisandros has had a fantastic third match day despite all the troubles the country is currently facing. The football team has stepped up and defeated Bazalonia by the familiar score of 1-0. The win puts Peisandros up to second in group nine, behind the Peisandros of World Cup 45, Edward City. The top of the table clash will take place in Edward City next matchday and all are awaiting the game with keen interest. It will be very close. Stay tuned for more coverage.


Full Schedule.
Pre Friendlies
vs Bears Armed @ National Sports Arena, Olympia. 2-1.
Qualifying Stage One.
vs Bostopia @ National Sports Arena, Olympia. 0-1
vs Colbourne @ People of Ephesum Stadium, Ephesum. 1-0.
vs Bazalonia @ Peisandros Bowl, Delphi. 1-0
at Edward City.
vs Lurikastan @ People of Ephesum Stadium, Ephesum.
at Kura-Pelland.
vs Mantwenic @ National Sports Arena, Olympia.
Mid Friendlies
vs Jeruselem @ National Sports Arena, Olympia.
at Ad'ihan.
Qualifying Stage Two.
at Bostopia
at Colbourne
at Bazalonia.
vs Edward City @ People of Ephesum Stadium, Ephesum.
at Lurikastan.
vs Kura-Pelland @ National Sports Arena, Olympia.
at Mantwenic
Post Friendlies
vs Myedvedeya (Unsure where).
at Krytenia.
at Taeshan.

Greali World Cup Qualifying Schedule
MD1: Greal VS Daehanjeiguk (2-2)
MD2: Greal VS Candelaria And Marquez (2-3)
MD3: Greal VS Mo Land 3 (4-0)
MD4: Greal VS Achtervolging
MD5: Greal VS Cassadaigua
MD6: Greal VS Taeshan
MD7: Greal VS Albundania
MD8: Greal VS Daehanjeiguk
MD9: Greal VS Candelaria And Marquez
MD10: Greal VS Mo Land 3
MD11: Greal VS Achtervolging
MD12: Greal VS Cassadaigua
MD13: Greal VS Taeshan
MD14: Greal VS Albundania


Greal Smashes Mo Land 3

The Greali proved themselves once again they were no cowards against a low ranked team, despite what some political bloggers think. The game against Mo Land 3 was brutal, and despite their bravery, the Greali were just too much for them. Michael Istoma and Howard Anderson each shared two goals, for a total of four goals for Greal. Mo Land 3 managed to make a few near scores, but none bear fruit for them. The game ended 4-0. The television service confirmed 1.005 billion viewers watched the match, creating a new record. Ross Trent said he was very pleased with his team's performance and he expresses enthusiasm about his team's future.


Greal-4
Howard Anderson (12') (67')
Michael Istoma (24')

Mo Land 3-0

In other games...

Cassadaigua won over Achtervolging 3-1.

Taeshan surprising everyone, beat Candelaria And Marquez 3-0.

The Han Empire took care of Albundania 2-0.

Greal will be playing Achtervolging tomorrow.
------------------------------------------------------

"Amazing."

"Four goals."

"Matched the last record too."

"You would think the future is getting harder to play."

"True."

"Anyway. The next game?"

"Achtervolging."

"I bet a narrow win."

"Me too."

"I'm betting a outright win."

"I'll go for draw."

"Dollars guys?"

"Five hundred."

"Three hundred."

"Eight hundred."

"A thousand."

"A thousand? You finally grew yourself a spine, man."

"I sure did."

"Good, because these next few weeks, you'll need a spine if you lose this bet."

Do not support this company's decision to advertise on the forum by clicking on their link now or in the future.

Point/Counterpoint: UNBEATEN YET WINLESS

Topic: The Rockets 0-3-0 start is cause for serious concern and will keep them from qualifying.

AGREE (by Kevin Collins)

If at first you don’t succeed, try again. If for the first six times you don’t succeed, then drastic changes are necessary (most people would say you should probably give up, but not in this instance). There is no excuse for this team not to qualify for the World Cup, it is a veteran lineup, and they are the third overall seed in a group that will send three teams to the World Cup. It is a group with two heavyweights above us and a group of other nations that we should be putting away. But we have not. The problem isn’t the 0-3-0 start. The problem is that those three draws are against Panuul, the Bostopian Empire and now Urna Eletronica, all nations that are ranked below us and nations that Brian Carson and our veterans should be able to beat. This is our sixth qualifying effort, so we know how this thing works by now. You just simply cannot drop that many points. Newmanistan should have nine points right now, and instead they have three. The draw against Urna Eletronica, who is the fourth seed in the group on the road would have been acceptable had the team won their first two games. But they did not. Therefore Newmanistan needed to beat the democracy lovers and they did not. This is going to come back and haunt us. We are in a position where we must get points against Vephrall and the Archregimancy, and historically we have not fared well against high ranked teams. The Monks come to Tundra Falls in our long awaited home opener of qualifying and we need a win. A draw would have been ok if we had at least seven points on the board already at this point.

We have given this core of players too many chances because they have done well in other tournaments, such as the Cup of Harmony. But for those of you who follow baseball or hockey, here’s a good comparison. These Rockets are like that player who tears up the highest minor league level, but when they get called up, they just can’t cut it in the big time. Newmanistan is not destined to this fate, but just maybe, Brian Carson is. If we don’t qualify, Brian needs to be gone. We have older veterans that won’t be back, and that’s fine. We have other players who simply have shown they don’t have what it takes if we failed to qualify and therefore must put different people out there on the pitch.

Paging Jeremy McAllister: Score a goal, please.

DISAGREE (by Meghan Traynor)

Starting off qualifying 0-3-0 is not good, we know that. We also know that the team has dropped points that they should have been able to get. But look at the group standings. What other team in Group 5 is blocking us right now? We expect that Vephrall and The Archregimancy will get in there, but none of these other countries that would get the third spot are tearing it up, either. Despite no wins, Newmanistan is only two points out of third place. Some people will look at Draistania’s start, and they did get an impressive victory over the Monks, but can you say, “fluke”? They have much more difficult games on their schedule including two against us. We win both of them, then we control our own destiny against them. The teams that we need to be looking at more are the teams we drew against. Panuul and The Bostopian Empire are not exactly running away with things. If we beat the Monks in Tundra Falls, then people will wonder why we even had this debate.

I’m not saying that things can continue going as they are. I agree with Kevin that if we were not to qualify then this should be Brian Carson’s last World Cup. He cannot keep falling back on Cup of Harmony success forever. But let’s remember one very important thing, there. Our teams have historically started slow and then have had outstanding second halves to close to within a point or two of qualifying, or to lose out on a tiebreaker. Given the fact that no one else in this group that was seeded below us is off to a flying start (again Draistania hasn’t proven much to me yet), then this time that late charge will be enough to get the Rockets into the top three. There’s nothing wrong with a draw at Urna Eletronica, really. Also look at things this way: We have 11 games to play still, 7 of them are at home.

Stop worrying. I still believe and you should too.


Fan Poll:
Who's opinion do you agree with:
52% Kevin Collins
48% Meghan Traynor
(Current vote tally)

Prux@WC45.com
Milchmans survive Giant Gas Attack, beat Prux.

The Adverts met their match today as Milchama eked out a 2-1 win, dropping the team into 4th place in the group.

Despite a goal from, of all peple/things/figments of a deranged mind, to score was The Burger King, who decided to play offense today despite Mr. Whipple threating to squeeze his Charmin (what ever that is). The king tied the match at 1-1 early in the 2nd half, by throwing hamburgers at the Milchaman players, which, as any 1st grader in Taeshan can tell you, is like throwing a penny in front of a Secristani or an Anime DVD in front of a Dancougarian. (Or a dirty sock in front of a Starblaydi) The Milchamans forgot about the match just long enough for TBK to score.

But the plan backfired as the fortified Milchaman rallied and scored the game winner just minutes later. Their first goal came after a Jolly Green Giant foul in the penalty area, though to be honest, it wasn't Jolly's fault he had to break wind, and 4 of the Milchaman passed out because of it. Maybe Jolly needs to cut back on the corn or peas.

Up next for the Adverts is a trip back home to face Govindia.

Prux World Cup 45 Qualifying Schedule:

(all Home Matches to be played the hopefully completed Griffin Stadium in Pawtucket, Prux, Capacity 67,500, Pics not available at this time.)
@ Ierissos D 1-1
vs. Rymeria W 5-3
@ Milchama L 1-2
vs. Govindia
@ Akbarabad
vs. Septentrionia
@ Arroza
vs. Ierissos
@ Rymeria (somewhere in Space, probably)
vs. Milchama
@ Govindia
vs. Akbarabad
@ Septentrionia
vs. Arroza
(RECORD 1-1-1)



Meet a Pruxian (Part 1 of an 12-part Series)

Joe Cool, Hamburger Hill, Prux.
Pic: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/8/8c/Joe_Montana_ESPN_cropped2.jpg/150px-Joe_Montana_ESPN_cropped2.jpg
Age: 55
Sex: Male
Occupation: Retired Traffic Cop

3 Questions with Joe Cool:

Q1: So, Joe, what do you know?

A: I recently learned how to speak Starblaydi and am currently taking classes to learn to speak Bostopian.

Q2: Ever get confused with a celebrity?

A: Once someone thought I was Hiram Sanchez!
(ed note: Hiram Sanchez is the host of Greatest Pruxian Practical Jokes
Hiram Sanchez pic: )
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/6/6d/SteveYoungRepublicanConvention1990.jpg/120px-SteveYoungRepublicanConvention1990.jpg


Q3: Most embarassing moment?

A: I once farted in President Griffin's face, back in high school.

(ooc: No the pics aren't supposed to be the same, or else the joke wouldn't work. A happy point for the reasoning behind the 2 pics I used... and yes this running gag will last as long as I last in the World Cup or a variation of it)
(ooc2: So have I won the WTF?!?!? award yet, or do I get it at the end of the qualifiers?)

http://img134.imageshack.us/img134/7993/dailyturkjo0.png
Jasi'yun 2–0 Koseli Cumhuriyetler
Turks Well Beaten
The Turks can have no complaints after falling to a 2-0 defeat away from home against Jasi'yun. The Turks started on the front foot besieging Brandon King's goal for the majority of the first half Erdem squandering the best chance of the game hitting King when shooting inside the six yard box. The bombardment continued this time Oktay missed a header blazing it over the bar. Gokhan had a goal disallowed for offside despite the fact he looked very much to be onside. Things got worse for the Turks as Arif got sent off for a punch on Ha Son-ji, who looked like he was punch in the stomach but went down holding his face.

The second half started in Jasi'yun's favor as the Turks chose to play on with just three defenders, leaving Orhan horribly exposed to their attack. The pressure told when striker Son-ji scored from a corner, a neat volley past the scrambling Orhan. The Turks almost got one back, were it not for the solid keeping of King. The last real chance for the Turks came in 80th minute with Gokhan screwing it wide. Jasi'yun got an all important second goal in the form of Çwe Saŋ-jūŋ who slotted home after beating Bekir.

The defeat is not a cause of panic since we're still playing away from home or more importantly away from the gargantuan advantage our fans give us. We look to get back on track away from home at Jeru FC.

“This isn’t working out.” Proclaimed President Nicholls to his advisors. “We can’t even win a damn game.”

That much is true. The Patriots were defeated, once again, in World Cup qualifying and have no points to show for their first three games. Yafor 2, Liventia, and now West Zirconia have all had their way with the team that has managed just one goal while conceding seven.

“We couldn’t have expected to do much in this, sir, all of these other countries have much greater football programs then us. This is really not going to be pretty, but at least we are getting West Newmanistan respected by the rest of the world. Isn’t that what we wanted sir?” asked advisor Glenn Schneider.

Nicholls could only shake his head. West Newmanistan was not getting any respect, he was well aware that news feeds from group opponents were referring to the nation as Mordavia, and he could have none of that, “We must do something. We shall do it now, it will be an extreme measure. People still are not convinced that we are a legitimate government because they believe the bullshit that spews out of Empress Jessica’s mouth. We must strike.” He proclaimed.

“Strike?” inquired everyone able to hear his comment. “Strike Tundra Falls while the Monks are there?” asked one member.

“No. We do not attack Newmanistan. We set off a bomb in a busy area, preferably a place where there are children and we blame it on the Empress. The high school in Hensdale. The way the structure is, it should come crumbling down pretty easily. We do it just before lunch.” Ordered Nicholls.

“Sir, that’s not something we signed up for. I refuse to take part.” Responded Fred Tannenberg.

“Come here, Fred.” Nicholls orders and Fred comes near. Nicholls pulls out a gun and shoots Fred in the head. “Is there anyone else here who objects to my plan?” Silence falls. “Very well, make it happen. Eric, you are to go to Olympia in Newmanistan and claim to be part of a radical group that was responsible. Display a Newmanistanian flag behind you and proclaim your loyalty to Empress Jessica. After the announcement we will return you safely to West Newmanistan. Got it?” Nicholls asked.

“Yes sir.” Replied Eric. The men then discussed the details of making the plan work.

UG-UG'S DIARY

An Imperial Neolithic Odyssey

Wow!

Team play tough match last night.

Men from Kry-place come to Dreamed Realm to kick rocks.

They not like to kick rocks, but they still try.

This shows they are tough.

Ug-Ug shake hands with tough men from Kry-place to show how tough he thinks they are.

Whoops!

Ug-Ug shake Lee Gow's hand too hard.

Ug-Ug break Lee Gow's hand.

This make Ug-Ug sad.

But this Dreamed Realm - hand heal quick!

Lee Gow can still play!

But Lee Gow not start!

Pah.

Is waste of good Dreamed Realm break hand - heal quick trick.

Kry-place men gooooooooooood.

They kick rocks hard.

Young 8 Kry-place man Lloyd best Kry-place man on pitch, and this just his third match for Kry place!

Dug-Ug score first, but then Kry-place men score one back.

Then Tug-Ug score rare goal, but still Kry-place men score one back.

Kry-place man in goal have tough hands!

He stop strong free kick from Ug-Ug and not break hands!

Ug-Ug know strong, tough man when he sees one.

Late in game, Wug-Ug score one last goal, and this time Kry-place men not score one back.

Team wins!

Team jumps for joy and hunts and kills and eats wild beast!

We try to share wild beast with strong, tough Kry-place men to show we know they strong and tough.

Kry-place men say no.

They want to do thing called 'cook' meat in fire first.

Why put meat in fire?

This spoil meat!

Kry-place coach say meat spoil more if not cooked.

Ug-Ug not know what he means by this; Ug-Ug shake head and frown.

Ug-Ug still think Kry-place men strong and good and tough.

Can't wait for next match with Kry-place men in Kry-place!

Will be tough to beat them when forced to use soft ball for weak men, and not rocks.

Oh yes, men from Gold Wolf team think Ug-Ug and team good too!

Not as good as Elves, but still good!

This make Ug-Ug smile.

Courtney’s Space

Just as we boarded the plane for our flight to Achtervolging, the main topic of discussion was the opportunity that we had in this match to go three for three to start qualification and how significant that would be. We knew that there would be people that would downplay the victory if we were to get it and say that are 3-0-0 would be because we were opportunistic to play three weak teams to begin things. There are two things, my friends, that a team in Cassadaigua’s situation as far as the rankings are concerned must do in order to qualify for the World Cup. The first and most important thing is to win the games that you should win. That sounds so cliche, and it is. That is why, however, a 3-0-0 start would be significant as we would be accomplishing the first thing on the to-do list. If you look around the World Cup qualifying groups, I’m sure you would find several nations who are regretting the fact that they blew a match to a team that they should have beaten. People who say that we haven’t beaten anyone yet are wrong. We’ve beaten Mo Land 3, Albundania, and now Achtervolging with the victory tonight. Two of those wins were on the road. They say you haven’t been the Han yet, or Candelaria And Marquez. That’s right, we haven’t and I am glad. We can’t beat the Han while we’re not playing them, now can we? My point is we haven’t looked ahead to what will be our bigger matches. We maintained our focus on the opponent at hand.

Why does that all matter? Take the Achtervolging match for example. If we are forcing plays in that match because we’re worried about how Taeshan would react to that same play instead of how Achtervolging is reacting to it, then you are beating yourself, and that is a recipe for losing games that you know that you should win. We stayed with our system all game and it had positive results. Meghan Burns remains hot, she was making great passes all game long, it was really great to see Jennifer Lowry get on the scoresheet in the 25th minute. She’s not one of our biggest weapons, but she is a hard worker and to get a reward like that is just great. Then it was Stacie Kerrigan. Oh baby, Stacie! This girl is simply on a roll right now, and she has now scored in all three games with that strike in stoppage time of the first half. I look at Stacie and I see myself when I was younger. That’s only natural of course, but the things she can do with the ball at a young age, she is still just 22 after all, are just so impressive. I get envious because if we were to fail to qualify for this World Cup, she has several more that she can fall back on whereas I probably only have one more, if that. After halftime, Achtervolging got one back in the 58th minute, reminding us that they did just six goals in their previous match and that they were still very capable of scoring. We withstood quite a rush from them but we were able to hold off their best efforts. We closed the deal in the 75th as Miss Kerrigan found the back of the net for the second time. Three to one is the end result, and we are now on top of the group, passing the test of our opening three games. We will go back home and look to make it four for four against Daehanjeiguk. Why can’t we?

INSPIRED VICTORY

Playing their third game of qualifying in completely black uniforms to honor those we lost from Hurricane Danielle, an inspired group of Millionaires put together the largest margin of victory we have had in a soccer match, crushing San Castello by the score of 5-0. In total, we have learned that Danielle was responsible for 57 deaths, a number that has gone up in the past week as some of the injured people have tragically not survived this massive storm. Forward Kevin Walker told us before the game how special the tribute was for the himself and the team. “For the team, we wanted to show our sympathies for those who lost their lives. We recognize that there are people out there who might not like the way we do things, but we are also not a bunch of heartless idiots. Upper and lower class people died from the storm, and anyone could have been a victim of Danielle whether you are homeless or a CEO of a major corporation. It’s a shame how quickly these tragedies can happen.” Walker played some inspired soccer out there as well, getting himself three assists, all on a hat trick from James Rogan. It is Rogan’s second career hat trick at this level but you have to go back to the Baptism of Fire to find his first. “I think we had someone watching over us tonight. I know you don’t really hear that kind of thing from us but we got a lot of the bounces and a lot of the breaks in this match. Things just fell our way.” Rogan told us. The other two scores came Stephen Alexander and late game substitute Andrew Bianchetti. Michael Rossiter and the defenders were always in great position every time San Castello attempted to get some offense going and the home fans left very disappointed.

The Secristan Department of Sports reports that they had much higher then expected sales for this match, which was one that they thought would be a dud on the schedule. Possible reasons for this could be that many people purchased the Valanora match and were impressed with the way our team hung tough with them for eighty minutes and expected that against a much lesser opponent we should be able to win. Another could be that fans wanted to see the tributes of the players for the hurricane victims. Thirdly, the game was one of the cheapest on the schedule, so fans who decided they’d only watch a game or two, may have chosen this game. Katie Simpson, our SDOS rep was happy, “It’s good to see that the fans wanted to view this game, and the fact that we blew this team out with five goals should spark some interest in a lot of people. If we can ride this momentum and get another victory over Logria, then we will start to have something to work on.”

The Albrecht Herald Online>Sport>Football>WC45
Horrific Big Blues returned to Earth by inspired Taeshanese
By Mack Hession

To his credit – just about – Elgin Dannat refused to offer excuses for this result. Praising the home side for a sensational showing under extremely trying circumstances, the C&M manager was equally quick to label the performance of every one of his starting eleven as ‘truly woeful’ and ‘utterly unacceptable’. He wasn’t wrong, either – from any objective view, this was one of national team’s worst performances for many a year, the final scoreline barely a reflection on the sheer dominance of the Purple Knights. The Taeshanese are hardly nobodies on the international scene, nor are they unfamiliar opponents for the Big Blues, but nothing in their eight previous qualifying campaigns to suggest that they were capable of this.

And, with all due respect, this is Taeshan we’re talking about. What the hell are the Han going to do to us?

As for the players, they were less keen than Dannat to ‘take full responsibility’ (whatever that means); Gwynfardd Lopulalan claiming that the game should not have gone ahead due to the temporal eddies that caused the match to take place backwards, and Caleb Christmas the first to claim the temperature as a factor – deliciously ironic, of course, and not without merit given the visitor’s inability this time around to any more than a few hours acclimatising pre-game. An El din native, Christmas seemed to suffer more than most, reflecting in even his team-mates admitting that ‘Cal didn’t have the best of games’, post-match, but he was merely one of eleven who utterly embarrassed themselves at the Coliseum last night.

C&M took charge of the game from the first minute, Abdul Ibadulla and David Spooner kicking off, and Lawrence Amey taking the ball. He then proceeded to lose it to Doug Newier and, from that point on, the future – or, technically, the past – of the match was entirely in Taeshite hands. Their passing was slow but crisp, their overall play nothing if not measured and unshowy, but Zeke had Dannat entirely out-thought; his team – one of the most stable units in the world game – fully aware of each other’s individual talents and their opponents and able to use them to devastating effect. It could’ve been six. It was that bad.

Because there can be no excusing the back four’s utter failure to deal with Brian Ying Uing – a wonderful player, no doubt, but one who has been playing second division football in Daehanjeiguk for the past twelve months, and who opened the scoring on seventy-seven minutes after having already cut Christmas and co to ribbons on two subsequent occasions. The Caires City centre-half and A.F.F. stalwart Enrique Silva de Aviz looked barely like professional football players, never mind complete strangers; the team badly missing the much-criticised Eric O’Brien.

O’Brien spent yesterday back in Onwere, recovering from knee surgery that will likely keep him out for the rest of the qualifying campaign. Without a further back-up centre-half on the roster, it’s a massive blow for Dannat, but he has plenty of other problems left to worry about. Amey and Ben Zec flitted around like fruit flies, but their own partnership remains utterly nonexistent, while Ibadulla and Spooner… well, forget about Ibadulla and Spooner. That experiment is surely already over, and Tom Smith must have been rubbing his hands all the way home.

Not that he impressed anyone with his early cameo either, after replacing Amey on ten minutes. By that time Taeshan were already three-nil up; a sweeping pass from Horatio Saguchi finding the ubiquitous Ying Uing to power home just after, or possibly before, half-time, and the Sanseo man completing his effortless hat-trick on twenty, a hopeless mix-up between Zec and Christmas gifting him the easiest of chances. The arrival of Smith was Dannat’s last desperate throw of the dice, but C&M’s striking trio – a twenty-goal international scorer, giant of the Eesseffian league, and TQCC star respectively – were easily kept out by the veteran back three.

It’s not as though these players are innately unbeatable. Jacin Raellis has been a solid player through her long career at Radyukevich and the El din Marbles, but never the Defender of the Season candidate she looked last night, on home turf.

But that, if there’s the remotest consolation to be had from this debacle, might have been the point. Amid his usual stream of platitudes, Dannat admitted that the opposition had ‘simply wanted this more’ – a damning indictment, perhaps, but no doubt accurate under the circumstances. With the future of the Taeshan national team in serious doubt, this encounter was almost certainly the team’s final true ‘home’ game for quite some time, and there was plainly an overpowering desire to prove some kind of point. This they undoubtedly managed – to us lot, at the very least.

All that won’t wash with Dannat’s many critics, the defeat merely grist to their emperor’s-new-clothes mill. Caires City fans will plead for their former manager to be given time, and so should we all, if we’ve got any sense – in lifting the Vahala trophy and guiding the team into the World Cup’s last sixteen, the manager’s record is theoretically extemporary. Even in this campaign, the team have already picked up six points away from home, and sit in a better position than the Archregimancy, Bazalonia, Cafundéu, Jaseuyeon, Krytenia, Septentrionia and more. No-one should be pressing the panic button yet – but that won’t stop the perpetually irritable Dannat from becoming arguably the national team’s least popular manger of all time.

The CAMAFA, at least, got their own most important decision spot on – heartily bowing to Foreign Office pressure not to take up their allocation of away supporters. Whatever the politics behind that, it was a godsend for Dannat and the team, the very last thing they could have needed being a small booing section on their backs throughout the second half – as it was, the sound of nearly six hundred thousand overjoyed voices may have lifted the hearts even of the defeated Candelariasian players, if only for a short time.

In El din next week, however, it may be a different story. Albundania are, let’s not beat about the bush, complete nobodies and, however overrated or just plain poor C&M may be, they should have no trouble disposing of the Marble Ground’s next visitors. The game will be entirely about the performances of the team as a whole and certain under-fire individuals – but, if the Big Blues somehow fail to pick up the three points by any margin, expect life to get very hot indeed for Elgin Dannat.

World Cup 45 Qualifying, Matchday Three
@ Atlantea Coliseum, Atlantea, Taeshan

Taeshan 3
Ying Uing 77, 45 and 20

Candelaria And Marquez 0


Related News ~ Concerns grow over Taeshanese situation While the Candelaria And Marquez national football team’s thumping away defeat to their Taeshite counterparts may be dominating coverage of the latter country in the Candelariasian press, back in Taeshan there remains rather more to worry about – including, albeit as a side issue, the future of the ‘Purple Knights’ themselves.

Though the matter remains less than clear, a distinct possibility remains that the Taeshan Soccer Federation will be forced to call upon a scratch side in the near future, while home games on Taeshanese territory have been cancelled. That may well provide a boost to C&M’s own chances of qualifying, but leaves Taeshani football in obvious jeopardy.

The crisis stems from last week’s unexpected electoral success by the Communist Party and their presidential candidate Kazzy Williams, ending an extended era of Libertarian political domination and threatening a period of mass upheaval across the island nation. Formally, though Albrecht and Atlantea have no official relations, a junior Foreign minister Athens Earl MP welcomed the ‘peaceful and democratic handover of power’ and praised ‘free and fair elections that serve as an example to that region’; but experts in Continuum politics within the Foreign Office have privately admitted their concerns over the direction of the country under Williams and its place in the international community.

Nervous voices within the Taeshanese community in the Candelarias have spent the last week drawing ominous parallels between the rise to power of James McManus’ Socialist Party prior to the Candelarias’ own civil conflict, and many Taeshanese passport-holders in C&M look set to spurn Williams’ advances towards ‘forcibly’ returning them to their homeland. Such individuals include a number of professional football players, including El din Marbles star Jacin Raellis, whose status remains entirely uncertain.

Sources inside the Foreign Office have also suggested that a programme aimed at delivering the prompt evacuation of Candelariasian citizens in Taeshan is also being finalised in the event of a deteriorating domestic situation. The population, though considerably smaller than during its New Rugby heyday, is still believed to number in the tens of thousands. Notably, a considerable number are members, or descendents of members, of the .CandelArIun Speling Reform Søsiety, an organisation on the C&M Interior Ministry’s list of terror groups and the membership thereof prohibited on Candelariasian shores.

(from the diary of Bob Smith / ‘Arri Thunder’…)
05th March, 2011AD [Greg.]

The Belles won again today, beating the team from some tiny place called ‘The McLaughlin Islands’ 2-0, with goals from Beorra o Barrdenn (37th minute) and Karramarsar Karra (68th). I’d have liked a greater goal-difference of course, and so would most of the crowd from the way they were acting, but at least it’s better than the 1-0 scores of our previous two games. That’s “3 for 3” so far in these qualifiers, which certainly looks good, but those three matches were against what were generally expected to be the three weakest of our opponents anyway: The real challenge is yet to come, and the girls will have to play rather better than they’ve been doing so far if we’re going to get into the Cup this time too.

I spoke with Harroya o Redwood at half-time, and after thinking it for a few moments she agreed that Marra and I were right: She has been holding back a little bit during these games, to get a better over-view of how the team’s other members are playing, but she insists that she was always ready to go fully on the offensive if we ever looked at serious risk of not winning any of those games… and, on her past record, I can see why she’s so confident that she could have turned things around again if necessary. Anyhow, Harroya reckons that she’s got a good enough understanding of her team-mates’ abilities and likely actions by now, and insists that she will be doing more attacking from now on.
She stays as Captain, I suppose.

With the first two qualifiers having been ‘away’ games, along with all three of our pre-qualifier friendlies, this was the first match at Plumtrees Park since the stadium was rebuilt. I must say, Morgenthau & Associates did a splendid job on this project, and fully justified BAAS’s decision to use a firm of architects from within the IDU for this job instead of going to one of those specialist stadium-designers that operates inter-regionally.
Anyway, the whole ‘Committee for Little Bear’ (that’s basically “the Cabinet” if you’re from a Human nation…) was there in the VIP boxes to watch the game, and before play was started both the Chairbear of the ‘High Council of Clans’ and the Chairbear of the ‘Committee for Tiger’ (that’s national leader, and war minister, respectively) said some kind words about poor Harroya Grey who — after being in the team as a reserve through the Baptism of Fire and the last Cup — would have been a starter instead this time around if things had worked out differently: She went back home from OstPort to the Eastern Hills for a few weeks last autumn, when the inter-season break began, volunteered to join in the search for a pair of missing cubs, and stumbled into the lair of a mob of ‘Woozles'… and gave her life fighting against those nasty creatures, to buy the cubs time enough in which to get back to the main search-party. They say that she single-handedly slew six of the beasts, out of the seventeen whose bodies were found when the other people present had finished the remainder off and could safely stop to count them, but that’s a very poor rate of exchange in my opinion…
The Chairbear of ‘Tiger’ presented Harroya’s family with a medal on her behalf, one called the ‘Ursine Star’ that apparently ranks pretty high up on the scale as such things go, and announced a major increased in patrolling activity in the Marches to the north and east of where the incident happened . The word amongst people who should know what they’re talking about is that the Woozles probably got into the Eastern Hills through the ‘Long March’, and got into that by swimming or rafting across the river from the lands that used to be part of a major nation called ‘Keeslandia’ until that collapsed into total anarchy a few years ago: Things have really gotten messy up there since those days, and I wouldn’t be at all surprised if the Bears end up sending troops north to stabilise the place — at least the districts closest to the border — sooner rather than later… just like they did with home. Let’s hope that they make as good a job of it this time as they did there.
The BAAS governors have ratified my decision to leave Harroya’s team number (22) vacant from now on, and one of the kits that she wore during the last tournament is getting a good place in the new ‘Soccer Museum’ that’s attached to our stadium.

Anyway, I must stop writing now, to get my bag repacked and some paperwork finished. It’s yet another ‘away’ game next, this time against the team from the land of ‘Qazox’ who are apparently based in some other ‘Reality’… No, that’s not the ‘Dreamed Realm’ again, it’s yet another one instead…
Their team is currently ranked at 20th overall, making them the ‘second seed’ in our group, and so if we come home with even a draw as the result then I’ll be happy enough… but we’ve beaten teams that were considerably more places than that above us in the tables before now, and the girls are all well back on form after that suspiciously-timed outbreak of tummy trouble that most of them suffered from in Bushdome last week, so let’s “plan” on winning and hope that our plans work. I gather that some of the team plan on calling in a ‘shabear’ to hold a ritual to propitiate some supernatural being called ‘Margaret’ whom certain other teams’ players & officials have told them supervises international Soccer contests, but they said that they’ll let me know more about that nearer to the time…


In the park outside the stadium, some of the fans who will be going along to support the Belles (at Henrí Savagé Stadium, New Recife) in Qazox have gathered to practice their chanting and drumming:

“Over there, over there,
Every bird spread the word over there:
That the Bears are coming,
The Bears are coming,
We’re drum-drum-drumming everywhere!”
Ratta-tatta, ratta-tatta, tatt!
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
Ratta-tatta, ratta-tatta, ratta-tatta-tatt!
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
”So beware, say a prayer,
If you get in our way over there:
Over, we’ll push you over,
And we aren’t just _
‘Humans, with a lot of hair’!”


There are about 8’000 fans going, so they’ll be outnumbered roughly eight-to-one, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they collectively make at least as much noise as all of the ‘home’ fans put together…

THE MONASTIC FOOTBALL ASSOCIATION
BRINGS YOU

THE SAINT OF THE DAY

The High-Stakes Home Draw Against Vephrall

Martyr Conon of Isauria

Fr. Anthony sighed. After all of these tournaments, the only thing that remained consistent about the Archregimancy's national football team was inconsistency. This time, a catastrophic loss to Draistania on matchday 2 had been followed by an epic home draw to group top seeds Vephrall.

Fr. Anthony was put to mind of the The Holy Martyr Conon of Isauria, who despite his very best efforts, had never quite managed to get properly martyred for the faith.

When a persecution against Christians broke out in Isauria, one of the first to suffer was St Conon. He was subjected to fierce torments for his refusal to offer sacrifice to idols. When the people of Isauria learned of the tortures to which the saint was being subjected, they came forth bearing arms to defend the martyr. Frightened by the people's wrath, the torturers fled, and the Isaurians found the martyr wounded and bloodied at the place of torture. St Conon devoutly wished to endure martyrdom for the Lord, but he lived two more years.

It was a bit like the Archregimancy's national football team. Every time they reached the upper echelons of the World Cup, they would fail miserably the very next time around. Every time they endured torture and suffering at the hands of the unworthy, they'd rebound with a fantastic result against classy opposition.

Just like St. Conon - though Fr. Anthony was quick to offer a prayer to the saint to clarify that he meant no disrespect - the footballing monks had a terrible problem with following through.

All of that said, Fr. Adrian had had a fantastic match last night in goal. The unholy forward trinity of Umsaasad, Cinerne and Taclik had tested Fr. Adrian again and again, and each time he had been equal to the test, almost as if he enjoyed special protection. Fr. Anthony remembered how, from his youth, St Conon had been accorded the special protection of the Archistrategos* Michael, who appeared to him and assisted him in many difficult circumstances in life. Perhaps, last night at least, Fr. Adrian had enjoyed similar protection - certainly the home team's goal was miraculously intact after a pulsating 90 minutes of high-quality, though ultimately scoreless, football.

In many ways, St. Conon was a perfect model for the squad. In later life, St Conon had continued his service to God, devoting himself entirely to monastic works, fasting and prayer. In his declining years the holy ascetic was glorified with the gift of wonderworking and even the evil spirits were forced to serve him. A solid victory against Kemball Island tomorrow night, thought Fr. Anthony, and perhaps a spot of wonderworking and domination of evil spirits might prove to be within reach of his own lads after all....


*Leader of the Heavenly Hosts

Taeshan Set For Air Strike

In a horrific announcement last night Taeshani President Kazz Tre' Williams announced his plan to official end the longstanding Taeshani relations with many other nations and the world. He said it was time to reflect on our own country and fix our problems before we could even begin to think abot being in substantial aggreement with any other world powers who could take are grace away from us. Analyzers have no clue what he's getting at even Vice President Max Culp* took his announcement in a misunderstanding way.

Well this announcement has greatly infected the world of sports. The soccer team has been called back from the World Cup, but the Taeshan Soccer Federation announced that the team would stay out there no matter waht the president decrees. In a related story a fire broke out last night at the Atlantea Headquaters of the TSF. The team is currently on there way to playing Mo Land 3. The TSF also announced an agrrement with the Taeshani Owned soccer team in Daehanjiguk Pyeonyang Gukjei to host there "home games" at the stadium in Pyeonyang. At least the Knights will have a somewhat stable home environment to play in.

Dancougar Next On Hit-List

3 matches into the year and suprising to many the Blue Tornado are 3 oh and oh. this doesn't come supsrising to others as many have seen the potential, but fianlly like there counterparts in Taeshan the Tornado have fianlly moved into the hunted zone instead of the hunters zone. The Tornado have won there way to the top with some great offense, while the Knights have come by it with defense. Both ways have always been known to be winners and these routes have been used many times before by numerous ammounts of teams.

The next team to face the Blue Tornado will be the Number Ten squad in the world the Black Wings of the land of Dancougar. The two teams are seperated by twenty KPB positions, but they are both in the hunt for the win. The Black Wings will most likely prove to be the biggest theat to the Tornado as they have already proven that Qazox can not live up to there hype with a 3-1 beatdown. At some point everyone is going to lose a game, to be perfect is not the point of the game though and that is why you do not have to win every game to make it to the big dance. The systemn this way is unbiased and that in the end is what everyone wants.

Offense Is the Word of the Day at Resurgens

The Arrozan National Team fought to a 3-3 tie at Resurgens Velodrome against Septentrionia the group's #2 seed. It was an offensive frenzy that kept the fans entertained to the last minute, when Gloria Raya scored to tie the game and salvage a point. Next on the schedule is a trip to the mystery men of Ierissos. Hopefully the National Team will win big and keep their non-losing streak alive. In other soccer related news, the Tar Hornets are tied for the highest scoring team in qualification with ten goals scored in three games. A lot of that can be attributed to the 6-1 thrashing of Govindia, but the Tar Hornets are proving that they seem to be more dangerous than they have in previous tournaments and that they're an offensive power. Now if they could learn to play some defense too.....

Interlude

* A small basement somewhere *

“What the hell happened to you fools?”

“Don't talk so loud, Kara. It feels like someone's running a jackhammer in my head. Ooh...what time is it?”

”Ten in the morning. What happened to Ryan, he was down here with you wasn't he?”

“The game was on, and we were doing the World Cup Drinking Game ©, and then Ryan.passed out like a punk. So we drug him outside, and I think we pulled his pants down. Heh, fucking hilarious.”

“Well he's gone! You probably got him put in the hospital, or maybe he vomited in his throat, like that one musician guy!”

* across town *

“Where the hell am I, and who are you? Who am I for that matter?”

“You're Ryan, or that's what the ID in your wallet says. You were drunk, and laying outside with your pants gone, so me and my twin sister picked you up and brought you here so we could make sure you wouldn't die or something?”

“So I'm not seeing double?”

“No, you're still seeing double, Margaret's in the kitchen.”

“So what's going to happen to me, are you going to kill me or something?”

“We're going to give you our special hangover remedy. We're going to screw you until you forget you even have a head, much less a headache.”

"Giggity, giggity."

Drinking Games: Go for it, kid you never know what kind of cool stuff's going to happen!

This has been a Public Dis-Service Announcement brought to you by Oceanic Gin. Because I drink it, and they paying me for it.

Beningrad Morning Star

Security set to be tightest ever

Fans attending the upcoming World Cup qualifier between Sorthern Northland and Greston at Lengden Road in Cardiff Scotland have been advised to arrive to the stadium earlier than usual due to what has been described as “the biggest civil security operation in Sorthern history”. The advise comes following an announcement that a seizable number of army personnel will be on duty at the match in a bid to combat terrorism. Counter-terrorism units are thought to have been more active in the country than usual in recent days, whilst on Thursday morning, President Kirsty McDonnell, on the advise of of the Minister for National Security rose the threat level to critical.

It soon became clear why the threat level was raised when a worker at the Ministry of National Security was overheard saying, “It's quite clear that Greston is quite simply an alias for a nation named Geeseton, and you know what those geese and their anatidae friends are like. They'll stop at nothing to destroy us.”

Despite the raised threat level, and the mass increase in security, officials were to quick to stress to fans that attending the match would be a safe experience, with the Minister for National Security, Marcos Irvine declaring, “Our fans have nothing to worry about. The raising of the threat level is a procedure at this time of heightened danger to protect the nation, and that is why the army will be deployed at the match. Should there be an attempted attack, I have every confidence that we will act in such a manner that the attackers will be thwarted. We've already taken a number of steps to reduce the chances of an attack, such as allowing as few Greston residents into the country as possible, and we'll continue to do so in the interests of national security and I'm sure that the match will pass peacefully. But we have to be alert.”

The Sorthern players though will be looking to put any thoughts of a possible attack to the back of their minds as they look to build on the two point lead they have at the top of Group 8 of World Cup qualifying, having won each of their three opening matches.

Greali World Cup Qualifying Schedule
MD1: Greal VS Daehanjeiguk (2-2)
MD2: Greal VS Candelaria And Marquez (2-3)
MD3: Greal VS Mo Land 3 (4-0)
MD4: Greal VS Achtervolging
MD5: Greal VS Cassadaigua
MD6: Greal VS Taeshan
MD7: Greal VS Albundania
MD8: Greal VS Daehanjeiguk
MD9: Greal VS Candelaria And Marquez
MD10: Greal VS Mo Land 3
MD11: Greal VS Achtervolging
MD12: Greal VS Cassadaigua
MD13: Greal VS Taeshan
MD14: Greal VS Albundania


Greal VS Achtervolging

We have no doubt Achtervolging will be tough to play. They massacred Mo Land 3 6-1, but then the next day, they lost to Cassadaigua 3-1, so the upcoming match may be super hard or super easy. Achtervolging is ranked 98th in the world, 45 places below Greal. Despite their low rank, coach Ross Trent says that their team may win if the Greali are over confident. Victory is in hand, hoping that nothing goes wrong. The Greali will be playing with their standard formation. Greali Television Service reports there may be a dip in number of viewers, but it'll settle over a billion viewers for sure. Weather will be sunny and blue sky.

In other games....

The Han Empire plays Cassadaigua today.

Candelaria And Marquez will be playing Albundania.

Taeshan will be playing battered Mo Land 3.

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JOESPH'S ONLINE BLOG

First off I have some new updates. I opened a website at www.joesphglweb.com, so please take a look at the photos from my trip to Womer. They have SOOOOOOOOOO many ships there, I though I'd faint from the sight. I also visit Fort Yurt. AWESOME HIGH WALLS, and some cool cannons. I'll be in Sasha after a week of travel to watch the match against Achtervolging, whoever they are. GO GO GO GO GO GREAL!

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"Same bar. Packed as usual."

"What do you expect?"

"I was hoping it'll be empty. Do we have to stand."

"No, I bribed the owner, so we can watch the game from the front."

"Nice man."

"Thanks. Only cost me fifty dollars."

"Previews on as usual. I hate this guy. Talks too much."

"Get on with the game!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Relax, the police could come swooping in. They love to arrest people."

"Alright. I bet what they'll charge me with if I get arrested."

"What?"

"Disturbing public order."

"Hahaha. Lets get on with the game."

"Here are your beers guys."

"Thanks."

The Kingdom of Dancougar presents: One-Shot RP Theatre

In a small Italian restaurant nestled in a Yuki City back alley, there sit the Godfathers of Dancougaran Organized Crime. No, no, they're not actually criminals, that's just what they call their social club. See, they've watched too many crime movies and read too many mystery novels, and now they meet a few nights a month to escape the doldrums of daily life. Although they can be troublemakers. Just last week, they jaywalked en masse on their way to the restaurant. Bastards!

Now they sit over alfredo and marinara discussing the latest reports from the Port Kosovoe Courant. On their Blackberries.

"I love this thing, it tells me when all my junk's going down, where my horses came in, and the GPS tells me where to leave the bodies," said a portly man, Jerry, in between mouthfuls of pasta. "And my daughter can text me while I'm at work... look, she's washing the cat, isn't that precious?"

"Focus, Jerry! I mean, Don Juanito," replied Henry, known in the group as Don Ronaldo. "We've got more important business to discuss. Check the Courant... they're putting out a hit on us."

"Well, no so much on us as on the football team," replied Tsubasa. Or... Don Tsubasa. "And it's just a figure of speech, right; Angel Kenssington isn't going to show up with a glock and cap someone. That's a red card, right?"

"Will you stay in character?" Henry replied. "Now, the team pays us protection, and as businessmen of the first degree, we have a responsibility to honor that contract."

"We don't actually have..." Tsubasa began, but Henry shot him a dirty look. "Oh, right, what you said." Tsubasa was new. He'd just joined last week after finding the group through an internet classified site.

Henry sighed. "Look... are you going to do this or not?" he asked. "I mean, the guys here are all really into it."

"I know, I know, it's just that I have a hard time playing the fantasy world when I'm, like, here," Tsubasa replied.

"Just try to ignore what's around you and enjoy the world you're creating," Jerry answered. He wiped a glob of sauce from his chin. "We don't want to go through the same thing as that most famous of Dons..."

"... Don Corleone?"

"What? No, Don Quixote."

"What, Sancho, what's going on? I don't understand!"

"We were going to tell you sooner, but it was so hilarious and you kept going on and on while we were all... Anyway. Maria and Carmen were only using you to make their suitors jealous, and the dragon you slayed was actually a hairy Frenchman. YOU JUST GOT PUNK'D!"

"... ZETSUBOU SHITA! This world in which a man's dreams and fantasies becomes sources of ridicule and humiliation has left me in despair!"

Henry placed his hand to his forehead. "You guys are really..."

A young man walked over to their table. He was a part of the party in the far corner of the room. They'd be laughing and drinking heartily the entire time, and he was barely able to walk straight. He had a long ponytail and looked like the kind of guy who hangs out in internet forums. "Did you just make a reference inside a reference?" he hiccuped.

"Um... I made two, actually," Jerry answered.

"Dude, you have both seasons!" yelled one of his friends.

"Does it really count if I have the show but not the book that..."

"The rules, dude, you kill the bottle! WOOOOOO!!!"

The young man turned and went back to his group. Henry coughed. "Anyway," he said. "Fact of the matter is that this is our chance to change the fortunes of our team. There's a man at the stadium I'm on good terms with... and I'm going to make him an offer he can't refuse!"

**********

"Ah refyouze!"

"Come oooooooooooon, Willy, you've got to help us out, here," said Jerry.

"Yeah," continued Henry, "you're not going to just let Kosovoe walk all over your turf - our turf - are you?"

"Sharr anoof," Willy replied. "Ahv goot tha gorass ool trimmed en riddy. Goon ta be ah good one!"

"Could you at least turn the sprinklers on and make it a mud hole?" asked Tsubasa. "That would slow down their attack, and then we'd have them right where we want them."

"Yeah, how about it?" asked Jerry.

"No kin doo!" Willy answered, shaking his head. "And fer tha loova... geht oof tha gorass!"

The three men stumbled back off the field as Willy went back to laying down the lines for the big match. They left the stadium and looked at the dark skyline of Yuki City.

"I guess... we have one option left..."

**********

The men chuckled as they stood at the edge of a Kishin River dock. Tsubasa and Jerry were holding down a large black sack filled with something lumpy, and Henry was tying a concrete block to the end of it. The plan was foolproof.

A flashlight shone on them and they threw up their hands to keep it out of their eyes. "Good evening, gentlemen," came a voice. "Now I know you're not trying to..." The policeman stepped closer and got a better look at them. "Oh... it's you guys."

"Beat it, copper, you know we have a deal with the boys downtown," Henry said. "We keep things clean and you don't ask questions."

"You're really on tonight, good job," the cop said, with an impressed tone. He walked over and shined his light on the sack. "What's in the bag, fellas?" he asked.

"I thought I said..." Henry began. The cop stared back without blinking. "Just uh..." Henry undid the knot that closed the sack and had joined it with the block. "Rubber chickens."

"Ah, gotcha. Big game tomorrow, so chicken-neck here sleeps with the fishes," the policeman replied.

"So, we're in agreement, then," Jerry said. "Do excuse us."

"You know," said the policeman, "if you throw that in the river, it's a three hundred dollar littering fine."

The would-be mafiosos looked at each other with a grin. "OUR GREATEST CRIME EVER!"