World Cup 43 RP Thread [Archive] - Page 2

Newmanistan

31-10-2008, 01:38

THE ROCKET REPORT

NOT PRETTY BUT WE’LL TAKE IT

Alversia- It’s times like this when you’re glad you are playing a weak opponent. Newmanistan gets an important victory tonight in Alversia, winning the game by the score of 1-nil. It’s an important three points as the Empire tries to stay in picture for one of the top three sports. Alversia has struggled so far in qualifying, as they have not yet won, and they have scored two goals in their five games. On the pitch, they showed exactly why they are a team that’s struggling to do much of anything. The Rockets did not play well tonight, and likely would have lost to any of the other teams in the group with this kind of effort. Things will need to change for Newmanistan as this road trip continues into Glaycia and Dancougar over the next two matchdays. Tonight’s game actually kicked off a stretch of six out of seven consecutive road games. They say that sometimes a nice long road stretch can get a team to come together a lot more. Let’s hope this is the case and improvement is shown against a respectable Glaycia side that comes up next.

As unimpressive as this was, it was still a win. For the fans in the stands, it was likely very painful to watch. Neither team could do much in the midfield, with possession going back and forth with either team not able to do much with it. For the Rockets, James Seidler, who was appearing in his first game due to the suspension of Brett Prescott, seemed to have a difficult time working with Alex Parnett and Dale Stevens, and you could see the midfielders having some frustration with one another. Alversia wasn’t great either, but they were a little better in the midfield, only to see the Rockets defense make some easy clears. This is the one area where Newmanistan played a strong game, and Jeremy Brooker is our man of the match because of it. Very calmly, Brooker made several first half clears, allowing Chris Kusler to have a more relaxing debut in the early stages of the contest. It took about 20 minutes before the first shot on target was registered, and that was by Alversia, even though it was a long range shot that was easily stopped by Kusler. At least it got the fans to their feet, although we did notice many empty seats for this game. Newmanistan’s first official shot on target didn’t come until the 29th minute, and it was more because of an individual effort by Jeremy McAllister, looking to snap out of his two-game goalless streak. The shot was stopped, and soon everything was back to normal. The first half concluded with not much more action. The game wasn’t very physical either. Newmanistan, conscious of what happened to them against Lovisa seemed hesitant, and Alversia didn’t seem particularly interested in establishing such a presence.

This sent us to halftime, and there was some good to go with the bad. Alversia didn’t score in the first half, so something was done right. Brooker had a big game as we mentioned, but the other defenders: Scott LaFave, Tony Borsinger, and Michael Harrison need to be acknowledged for this too. In net, Chris Kusler didn’t have to do much, but nothing got behind him, so if nothing else that could serve as a confidence boost in his first World Cup start. Kusler will important, as we well know since Corey Hennis is out of commission. Corey was still with the team, and will travel with the team throughout, and certainly will lend any advice and support that he can to Kusler. Eventually though, Newmanistan had to score, and things would need to get better in the midfield. Newmanistan has high hopes for James Seidler one day, but this wasn’t working out today. Julie McElroy, a veteran of World Cup action would take his place. Hopefully this would go better.

Carson’s hopes for a second half improvement were shot down quickly as the team still was out of sync. McElroy, who wasn’t expected to get a lot of playing time today, looked as though she didn’t prepare as well as she should have. Carson could only look up in the sky and shake his head. Up front, Calvin Lane and Brett Carlson were supposed to be an exciting pair to watch. But the only pair of eyes they seemed to excite was that of the linesman, as they were frequently called for offsides. They had looked good in practice, but were folding in the pressure of the game. This was frustrating Jeremy McAllister, who did his best to remain a captain and a leader, to encourage his two Di Bradini-cup eligible teammates to remain focused instead of displaying poor emotions out there on the pitch. Jeremy has been through this. He also knew he would probably have to be the one to be the hero. He would try to work something out with Alex Parnett. They generally had good chemistry, and after the game clock hit the hour mark, you could see more of a Newmanistaian focus on getting Parnett on the attack with McAllister. Now, for a brief moment, the Rockets were looking sharp. They were controlling the game and Carson could smile for perhaps, the first time, in the game. In the 72nd minute, a shot by McAllister was stopped by not held by the keeper, setting up a corner kick. Dale Stevens delivered it, but it appeared to be botched as it sailed over the head of both McAllister and Parnett. Fortunately, defender Scott LaFave had pinched up on the play, and the ball went right to him. He had room to run closer to the next before taking the shot, so he did and let it go. GOAL!!! A most unlikely hero, but fitting that in a game like this it would be a defender that “stepped up” and made the play when they needed to. It was LaFave’s, the young 20-year old member of the Daytopia Racers first ever international goal. Alversia never mounted a serious threat to tie up the game afterwards, and Newmanistan escapes with a 1-nil victory.

Looking at the Group 8 standings, Newmanistan has some work to do, so their game in Glaycia is a must win. Lovisa and Dancougar are just setting too good of a pace right now. Following that they play in Dancougar, where they’ve actually had a measure of success, but hope that will continue here. Four or six points is necessary out of these next two games in order for Newmanistan to qualify, in our opinion, because of the way that top three teams are playing at the moment. Brett Prescott and Shawn Drummond will be back in the lineup. If James Seidler and Calvin lane had a chance to show to remain in the starting lineup tonight with their efforts, they certainly failed to do that.

Now, for some post game reaction:

Carson: “In the end, we got a win, so we will be happy about that. We suffered somewhat from having lost Brett and Shawn for this game, and that showed up. We have a lot of things that we need to improve before we play Glaycia, but I am confident that we will do it. This team has a lot of heart and character, and is used to stepping up in times of adversity.”

Brooker: “Alversia was pretty predictable when they attacked the net. They didn’t try to change things up, and it meant for some pretty easy reads when they came in on us. We were confident in our ability to make the defensive plays. If they change things up and become a little less obvious in doing what they want to do, they could be better.”

LaFave: “That was just the way we planned it! Nah, I’m kidding, but coach gave me the go ahead to be more aggressive and I read right away that the ball was going long, and could see that their focus was on J-Mac and Parnett so I went for it, saw a bit of room and took a shot. It’s always nice to contribute with a goal.”

Parnett: “We got away with one, no question. But let’s give Scott credit for making the play on his goal, and our defense credit. We did get a clean sheet with a keeper who hadn’t played yet in the World Cup.”

McAllister: “None of us are going crazy over this win. We made some sloppy plays, but I think we have enough talent on this team to learn from it. We got three points here so we can be happy with that. We’ll have to be sharper on the road on this long stretch, and it will start in Glaycia next.”

NEWMANISTAN 1
LaFave (72')

ALVERSIA 0

Myedvedeya

31-10-2008, 01:42

Myedvedeya Score Big Victory

MD1: Myedvedeya 1-3 Lovisa
MD2: Myedvedeya 1-1 Alversia (Krakovsky Stadion, Moskva)
MD3: Myedvedeya 0-4 Newmanistan
MD4: Myedvedeya 1-0 Dancougar (Krakovsky Stadion, Moskva)
MD5: Myedvedeya 5-2 The Bostopian Empire
MD6: Myedvedeya VS Starblaydia (Krakovsky Stadion, Moskva)
MD7: Myedvedeya VS Glaycia (Krakovsky Stadion, Moskva)
MD8: Myedvedeya VS Lovisa (Krakovsky Stadion, Moskva)
MD9: Myedvedeya @ Alversia
MD10: Myedvedeya VS Newmanistan (Krakovsky Stadion, Moskva)
MD11: Myedvedeya @ Dancougar
MD12: Myedvedeya VS The Bostopian Empire (Pyotroveskovlad Imperial Dome)
MD13: Myedvedeya @ Starblaydia
MD14: Myedvedeya @ Glaciya

Myedvedeya's International football team scored an important victory today in the Bostopian empire, evening their record out at 2-1-2, and giving them a surge of momentum coming into tomorrow's match against top of the group Starblaydia. Myedvedeya played the type of swift, ground-based attacking football that won them the baptism of fire, and it paid off against the inexperienced Bostopian Empire team.

In the first half, both teams pressed the attack quickly, with scoring chances coming as early as the fifth minute. The first goal came in the Eighth, as Dolohov flicked the ball to Mizin, who faked a shot, and passed the ball over to the wide open Aleksander Rozhdestvensky. Rozhdestvesnky contemplated the ball for a second, then calmly tapped it into the open net. 1-0 Myedvedeya. The match slowed down for a bit at his point, and neither squad got a good scoring chance until right before halftime. Jack Austell of TBE took the ball down the right wing, and crossed it to Will Peterson, who took the ball at a full volley from the penalty spot, placing it in the upper left. 1-1. Vorotaev restarted the game from the circle, but the halftime whistle blew.

Myedvedeya had the ball first in the second half, and proceeded to push the attack. In the Fourty-Ninth Vorotaev took on the defense alone, but failed to beat the keeper after passing three defenders. In the Sixtieth, Jack Austell charged through the box, smashing a shot off the left leg of Myedvedeyan defender Ivan Mizin and into the lower-right corner of the net. 2-1 Bostopian Empire, 30 minutes to go. Myedvedeya restarted the match immediately, and Grigor Ulyanov made a dash down the right wing. Ulyanov smashed a cross to the far post, and Rozhdestvensky met it beautifully for his second of the game, and the second goal in less than two minutes. 2-2. For the next ten minutes, the Myedvedeyan offense slowly wore down the Bostopian Empire's defense. Substitute Vassili Pencherjevsky's blinding speed on the right wing was causing trouble for TBE's midfielders, and momentum was really starting to swing in Myedvedeya's favor. In the Seventy-Fifth, Dolohov set Vorotaev up for a one-on-one with keeper Steve Bush of The Bostopian Empire. Vorotaev faked a shot, pulled the ball back, and chipped it easily over the prone keeper. 3-2 Myedvedeya. Three minutes later, Dolohov took the ball from the defense, and passed it up to Vorotaev at midfield. Vorotaev beat a defender to the left, and, noticing that Bush was far off his line, fired a lob from the halfway line, which sunk into the upper right corner for a truly spectacular goal. 4-2 Myedvedeya. The final goal for Myedvedeya came on the yellow-carding of TBE's Will Peterson, as Vorotaev curled the free-kick over the wall, and past the keeper for his hat-trick.

We played fluid, quick, attacking soccer, and I'm not at all surprised we got this kind of outcome." Said coach Vladimir Sergyevitch Bagration. "We are not a team to be taken lightly, especially when we are on our best form."

Myedvedeya-5
Rozhdestvensky '8, 61
Vorotaev '75, 78, 83

The Bostopian Empire-2
Peterson '42
Austell '60

Taeshan

31-10-2008, 02:33

Purple Knights Crush Blue Tornado

5-1. A royal crushing. The Blue Tornado didn't see this one coming. The Knights keep there lead in group 1 with Panuul the newest Soccer team in the world coming up before the return home for theUCS game. Kosovoe know drops to 4th in group one just out of qualifying position.

Brian Ying Uing was on fire last night netting 4 goals. He first scored in the 7th minute followed by a 18th minute goal. Then Ossi Euro scored the only Kosovoe goal in the 34th minute. Zeke Jr. would get in on the fun in the 60th minute, and Uing would score again in the 77th and 87th minutes. It was a wower. Go Knights.

Kosovoe

31-10-2008, 02:43

Blue Tornado Are Crushed by Taeshan

God i can't even speak the name of the dastardly team. They crusjhed the poor Tornado 5-1 at our place. I weep just thinking about it. Who crushes a poor defenseless nation such as ours. Its unruly. At least Ossi scored, but that is no compensation. We will rise once again noble citiszens, noble team, it up to us to defend ourselves. We are Kosovoe.

Wentland Next

Another big game up next vs WEntland. We can knock down the giants of Capitalizt Slani, but get killed by the Taeeee team. Wentland is no mystery real;ly though. They are good. But are we good enough to be as good as them is the question. It is up to us to show those other team. Go Tornado.

Qazox

31-10-2008, 04:21

QNN
Where News Happens

In Qazox first trip to play the Holy Empire, we found out one thing. Urko Urkes is out-of-this-world. We have some reasons why we make that claim. First, since the Dreamed Realm is in an entirely different quantum universe than everything else, and Urko Urkes is from there so technically he's ootw. 2nd, even T.H.E. doesn't know where he came from, so he's out of their world and 3rd, I don't know how he did it, but he scored 2 goals, just 17 seconds into the match, which is ootw good. The Pheonix fall to 4-0-1 in qualifying, but remain in first place, with 3 consecutive home games against weaker competition, this is a prime point gaining oppertunity.

The complete schedule and Results (Home games and Wins in BOLD):

MD1: @ Cokenia WIN 3-2 (Record: 1-0-0)
MD2: Swilatia WIN 5-0 (Record: 2-0-0)
MD3: @ Tortuga y Hispaniola WIN 3-2 (Record 3-0-0)
MD4: Az-cz WIN 6-3 (Record 4-0-0)
MD5: @ The Holy Empire LOSS 0-2 (Record 4-0-1)
MD6: Urna Eletrônica @ Estadio Azul Flores, Iguana de Mia. Capacity: 71,000.
MD7: Blouman Empire @ Estadia Pika, Pika City. Capacity: 78,625.
OFF DAY
MD8: Cokenia @ Toro Rojo Stadium, Las Vitas. Capacity: 70,000.
MD9: @ Swilatia
MD10: Tortuga y Hispaniola @ Toro Rojo Stadium, Las Vitas. Capacity: 70,000.
MD11:@ Az-cz
MD12: The Holy Empire @ Qazian Memorial Stadium, Qazox City. Capacity: 98,000.
MD13: @ Urna Eletrônica
MD14: @ Blouman Empire

QAZOX SCORING today
NONE

QAZOX OVERALL SCORING
Charles Marquis- 7
Yolanda Christian- 4
Raul de Olivares- 4
Jason Erca- 1
Brittany Lopes- 1

<Commercial break>

On the international front, Qazox has offically taken over the capital of Certifiably insane, Lunatica. With the fall of Lunatica, Qazox now has control of about 55% of CI. The front with Sawed has stalled just south of its capital Tobin City.

Its been over two weeks since we've heard any offical news from the southern portion of this conflict. Reports from unoffical sources are claiming that there have been more EMP bomb attacks in the area and over a million have died on both sides of the conflict. Currently, Qazox' offical toll in this conflict is 350,000, with over 1.5 million on the opposing side.

On December 1st, Sativaville will offically annex Wickedable, as voters in Wickedable approved the measure 58% to 42%.

Stay tuned to QNN for more news as it happens.

Dancougar

31-10-2008, 04:29

Soldiers stood by with machine guns pointed at the Rhinemaiden's cockpit. Russ opened the canopy hatch and stood straight up, announcing to everyone that he had no intention of resisting. The other Rhinemaiden pilots were also disembarking. Captain Inoue Hayasaka was the first one out. She carried a handgun with her which she now drew. Russ and Peter climbed down and raised their hands. "Seriously, we're cool!" Peter was saying. "We helped you fight them, didn't we?"

"This is supposed to be a classified machine!" Inoue replied gruffly, her pistol aimed squarely at Russ. "How the hell did you summon it?"

There was a squeal a few hundred yards behind them. Russ and Peter turned their heads and saw the professor's van burst onto the scene, weaving between fallen demons at high speed before coming to a rest next to their Rhinemaiden. The soldiers looked at each other in confusion, unsure if they should shoot the tires since the driver apparently had a purpose here. Sonya and Christina were just climbing out of their plane when von Steuben emerged wearing a lab coat and his rappelling gear. "Huh... some weirdo's just appeared," Christina mused.

Inoue was getting frustrated with the situation. Now civilians were just driving onto the base! She waved her gun at the professor, then at Russ and Peter, and finally she slammed it into her holster. "Damn it, what are you people doing?!" she yelled.

"So you are ze younk lady who leads ze Angels," said von Steuben. "I apologize, boot eet seems like ze gett vas open." He whipped a keycard out of his wallet and held it in front of him as he slowly walked towards Inoue. "I am Frederick von Schteuben," he said, "vun of ze chief engineers of ze Rhinemaiden."

Inoue snapped the card out of von Steuben's hand and looked at it closely. It looked legit. It was Russ and Peter's turn to be surprised. Russ took a step forward, and the soldiers immediately reacted by clicking their guns into place. Russ stopped abruptly. "P-professor, I didn't know you were working for them..." he said slowly.

"Come now!" said von Steuben with a smile. "Do you really sink zat my only robots vere ze football-playink cheekens?" He extended his hand to Inoue. "May I heff my card, captain?"

"Let's say I believe you," said Inoue, pulling the card back and holding it next to her face. The professor dropped his hand. "This is a contractor's ID, so you're not technically in the military, which means you're not supposed to take knowledge of this project outside the base. So this doesn't save you."

"Captain, it's all right! Men, guns down!" Inoue turned and was about to shout angrily at the newcomer, but stopped herself when she saw that it was Colonel Simms. Sonya and Christina were walking leisurely past Russ and Peter as the colonel's jeep came to a halt, as he was anxious to diffuse the situation. They threw the boys a quick grin and a thumbs up as they headed over to the their captain. Simms followed and motioned for the rest of the soldiers that it was okay to lower their weapons. "Professor von Steuben has permission to commandeer these fighters."

"Say what?" asked Inoue. "He's just a civilian contractor, he's..."

"Von Steuben is... a special case," Simms answered. He took the ID card from the flustered woman and handed it to the professor, who accepted it gratefully and went over to where Russ and Peter were standing, still unwilling to make any sudden movements despite Simms' arrival. "You see, while he's officially a contractor, he's also an agent of the government's Supernatural Disasters Prevention Bureau."

"I've never heard of such a thing!" Inoue responded, completely forgetting who she was talking to.

Simms ignored her tone. "You must have heard of the 'Zero' case."

"I have, but that doesn't mean I believe any of that nonsense about mind control," Inoue replied. "But I guess..." She looked at the littered remains of the demons all over the battlefield. "There's no way these things are manmade, and they're certainly not natural."

"There, you see," Simms said. "The professor is a member of the task force which was formed in the aftermath of that incident to investigate strange cases that couldn't be explained by conventional logic or science. As you're no doubt aware, there's still a great deal in this world that we don't understand."

"So you're saying that because he's with at agency, he has access to whatever he needs to control a situation," Inoue reasoned, softening her stance as she tried to understand. "And because he worked on the Rhinemaiden, he had a backdoor into the remote launch system."

"Zat ees correct," von Steuben replied. "Und I apologize for acting so suddenly."

"And these are the two boys you told me about?" asked Simms, sizing up Russ and Peter, who snapped to attention. He smiled. "No need for that, you're not in the military," he said, trying to calm their nerves. "I have to say I'm very impressed by your piloting abilities. You were able to understand the Rhinemaiden the first time you saw it."

"They weren't half bad," Sonya admitted. "A little rough around the edges, but they've got some talent. You know, I'd almost be comfortable keeping them around."

"Yeah... I'll be taking my plane back," Christina said sweetly, but with a subtle tone that made Russ and Peter break out in a cold sweat. She noticed their reaction and shook her hands from side to side. "Sheesh, lighten up, you guys did great," she said. "I want to know who you are though..."

"Oh, uh, I'm Russ Pauli," said Russ. "And this is my friend, Peter Klingenschmidt. We're jacks of all trades, and I guess the professor's dragged us into his agency thingy." The professor nodded, and Russ dipped his head with a resigned sigh. No rest for the weary. "And you guys are...?"

One by one, the Build Angels introduced themselves. Sonya Vassiley was the first to step up. She was a tall, pale-skinned girl with a slim build and long blonde hair that reached halfway down her back. It was tied into a long ponytail. Next was Christina Simmons, a curvy brunette with a fresh face. Their captain introduced herself last. Inoue Hayasaka was a toned Japanese woman with short black hair that she kept out of her face with a headband. They were pretty. They were strong. And to fly these things, they must have had incredible reflexes.

The rest of the machines were drifting back. The remains of the 89th came to a halt near what was left of the control tower, with pilots dismounting to help with the cleanup. Brandenstein's command unit brought up the rear with the Beast Machines. Tetsuya's Eagle flew overhead and circled. The runways were clogged by demon bodies and debris.

Simms grabbed his radio and addressed the others. "Sakaraya, Aoyama," he addressed, "clear out a path for the Eagle to land."

The Mammoth and Cougar rolled past the gathering and started to roughly shift debris towards one side of the main runway. The Liger, in the meantime, came to a stop by the Rhinemaidens and dipped its head. The cockpit hatch opened and Prince Daniel emerged. He was looking at the remains of the base with sad eyes. He could only think of the men who died besides those he'd seen himself...

Inoue's face lit up with surprise. "P-prince Daniel's riding it?" she gasped. "Why is he..." She turned to Simms. "Where's Villareal?"

********************

"Gaizok!!" cried Boldozaa. "What news from the Nazar? What have they learned?"

"The Nazar are destroyed, my lord!" Gaizok replied. "The humans have obtained great strength."

"More can be raised," Boldozaa sneered, waving his hand to indicate a lack of concern. "I want to know what they saw, though. Show me the visions of the Nazar!"

"As you wish," Gaizok said. He turned to the entrance of the hall and beckoned, and a flying eye slowly made its way into the room. Its eye glowed a shining white and fired an image onto the wall, revealing what its fellow Nazar had seen during the battle.

Boldozaa's eyes narrowed with interest. "What are these iron beasts who fight for the humans?"

"I don't know, the humans never had anything like this before," Gaizok answered.

There was a hint of uncertainty in his voice with annoyed Boldozaa, who growled at his general. "They're only tools, nothing more!" Boldozaa said. "Humans cannot grow stronger by building tools to do work for them. No, this is good... they must be weaker, otherwise they wouldn't need such toys to defy us!"

Gaizok was reassured by his lord's confidence. The Nazar stopped broadcasting and slowly hovered out of the hall. "Shall we summon a Titan to battle them?" he asked.

Boldozaa's eyes lit up with renewed vigor. "I will enjoy that!" A deep booming laugh escaped from the mountain, as flames leapt from the summit of Mount Fujiko, lighting up the darkening sky.

Green wombat

31-10-2008, 04:52

THE HEXAGON REPORT
It's News, Because We Say So!

Green wombat upset previous #13 Sorthern Northland, 1-0 on a goal by Wayne Blessing in the 88th minute. With 3 straight home matches on the schedule, the Wombats have a good chance to improve upon their current 4th place position. Up next is Nethertopia, whose play so far have been underwhelming, but with the Wombats coming off a very rare road win, are they being setup for a loss at home?

(NOTE: All home matches will be played at: Green wombat Field, aka: "The Barracks": The Hexagon. Capacity: 66,666.)
MD1: @ An Blascaod Mór WIN 2-1
MD2: vs Valetaland LOST 1-2
MD3: @ The Archregimancy Draw 1-1
MD4: vs Jasiyun/Jaseuyeon LOST 0-2
MD5: @ Sorthern Northland WIN 1-0
MD6: vs Nethertopia
MD7: vs Onimar
MD8: vs An Blascaod Mór
MD9: @ Valetaland
MD10: vs The Archregimancy
MD11: @ Jasiyun/Jaseuyeon
MD12: vs Sorthern Northland
MD13: @ Nethertopia
MD14: @ Onimar
OVERALL RECORD: 2-1-2

The Post MD5 Ranks (1st Place Votes in Bold Italics)

TOP 15 POLL
Rank/Prev.
1/4 Bazalonia 5-0-0 9
2/1 Milchama 4-1-0 2
3/7 Jaseuyeon 5-0-0 2
4/6 Cafundéu 4-1-0 1
5/3 Daehanjeiguk 4-1-0 1
6/5 Starblaydia 4-1-0
7/8 Tynelia 4-1-0
8/11 The Holy Empire 3-2-0
9/10 Kenavt 3-2-0
10/2 Qazox 4-0-1
11/12 Kura-Pelland 4-0-1
12/9 Capitalizt SLANI 2-2-1
13/NR Wentland 3-1-1
14/NR Taeshan 3-2-0
15/NR The Archregimancy 3-1-1

FELL OUT:
#13 Sorthern Northland Lost vs. Green wombat 0-1
#14 West Zirconia Draw 2-2 at Thoughts of Randomness
#15 Lovisa Lost at Dancougar 3-4

Wentland and Taeshan re-join the Top 15, and Archregimancy joins as Lovisa and Sorthern Northland's losses and West Zirconia's draw dropped them out. Qazox was the biggest loser as they fell to The Holy Empire and down 8 ranks. Jasiyun and Bazalonia are the final 2 perfect teams, with 5-0-0 records, while there are 10 unbeatens left.

On the Bottom 5, Bushdome's win keeps them off the list, while Swilatia and Nethertopia's draws bump them up a bit, leaving Universitus University as the last imperfect team. Colbourne gets the imfamous 77th spot after an 8-0 loss to Cafundeu.

BOTTOM FIVE

76: Swilatia 0-1-4 -11GD
77: Colbourne 1-0-4 -14GD
78: Seventy Ninth Entrant 0-1-4 -8GD
79: Nethertopia 0-1-4 -8GD
80: Universitus University 0-0-5 -10GD

Prux

31-10-2008, 04:59

ESPN Journal of Sport
November 10, 1944

Prux vs. United Island Empires, Game 5 of qualifying
by: Saul Werth

An impressive 4-1 win over UIE, moves Prux into 3rd place in the group, with group suprises West Zirconia up next, followed by Kelssek. If Prux manages to get at least 4 points out of these next two games, then the Zombies will have a good chance at qualifying.

Zombie Ronaldo, Zombie Just Fontaine, Zombie Pelé, and Zombie Zinedine Zidane all had a goal before the half, while UIE managed a lone goal in the 4th minute to take a temporary 1-0 lead.

MD1: vs. Bushdome WIN 3-1
MD2: vs. Thoughts of Randomness D 2-2
MD3: vs. Tynelia Lost 2-3
MD4: @ Yafor 2 D 1-1
MD5: vs. United Island Empires W 4-1
MD6: vs. West Zirconia
MD7: vs. Kelssek
QUALIFYING BREAK
MD8: @ Bushdome
MD9: @ Thoughts of Randomness
MD10: @ Tynelia
MD11: vs. Yafor 2
MD12: @ United Island Empires
MD13: @ West Zirconia
MD14: @ Kelssek

OVERALL: 2-2-1
Projected: 8-3-3

Goal Scoring:
Zombie Ronaldo- 4
Zombie Just Fontaine- 3
Zombie Pelé- 3
Zombie Zinedine Zidane- 2

Greal

31-10-2008, 07:43

Greal Qualifying Schedule
MD1: Greal VS (159) Vlaskin (4-2)
MD2: Greal VS (19) Demot (0-1)
MD3: Greal VS (31) Krytenia (1-2)
MD4: Greal VS (46) Magna Sancta Sedes (0-3)
MD5: Greal VS (165) Seventy Ninth Entrant (3-1)
MD6: Greal VS (10) Daehanjeiguk
MD7: Greal VS (118) Dariusville
MD8: Greal VS (159) Vlaskin
MD9: Greal VS (19) Demot
MD10: Greal VS (31) Krytenia
MD11: Greal VS (46) Magna Sancta Sedes
MD12: Greal VS (165) Seventy Ninth Entrant
MD13: Greal VS (10) Daehanjeiguk
MD14: Greal VS (118) Dariusville

Greal 3-1 Seventy Ninth Entrant

Seventy Ninth Entrant was no match for Greal when it was somehow at the bottom of the group. By the end of the game, Greal had won, 3-1.

The game started off superbly. Michael Istoma somehow avoided SNE's defenders and scored a goal past their keeper at the thirteenth minute. SNE quickly returned the favor by scoring themselves. Sebastian Expan scored at the twenty ninth minute. Then the first half was over. Everyone quickly drank their ice cold bottles and went back to work. Howard Anderson finally got a chance to score when a gap appeared and he had the ball, he took that chance and scored at the forty third minute. For the remainder of the game, SNE attempted to score, but Greal's defenders kept them back. The game finally ended 3-1, bringing Greal up to ranked fifth. Greal's troubles were not over yet. Greal will play tenth ranked Daehanjeiguk which will be tough.

Other teams in the group were as usual.

Daehanjeiguk tied with Krytenia, 3-3.

Demot slashed and destroyed Dariusville 5-2.

Magna Sancta Sedes won in a nail-biter 1-0 over Vlaskin.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Roger cheered Greal on and they won! He then decided to go out and get some lunch, but he avoided the Mafia streets quickly.

Secristan

31-10-2008, 08:32

MILLIONAIRES HANG WITH KURA-PELLAND

It turned into a pretty entertaining game. Those of you who purchased the game certainly got your moneys worth. In this contest, Secristan traveled to Kura-Pelland to take on the second ranked team overall in the group, and the 17th-ranked nation in the entire world. It wasn’t the first time that Secristan sent athletes to the KP. You may recall the first World Lacrosse Championships. Of course you do, as in Secristan lacrosse is considered a bigger deal then soccer. That tournament was played in Mambaro, Kura-Pelland. We’re also familiar with the KP from the World Bowl, as their football team has established itself as the one of the best in the world, and along with Arroza, perhaps then best team to never actually win it. Then of course, there’s basketball. In soccer though, Kura-Pelland is just plain awesome. Gaining a rank of 17 takes a lot of hard work and whole lot of doing things right. This familiarity is why the Secristan Department of Sports felt it was safe to put a higher price tag on this road game. Purchases of the game exceeded projections by 12%, so the SDOS remained very happy. They are confident that the performance of the Millionaires, despite the loss, will keep interest at a high in the World Cup for the next game, considered a “dead” one against Chutnusak.

The game was pretty good, and it’s not within the realm of reason to say with a few breaks here and there that Secristan could have won the game. First half possession was 51-49 in favor of the Millionaires, and the game was tied at one at the half. Young Harry Oughton scored for the home team in the 21st minute, but the Millionaires struck in the 43rd on a tally by Stephen Alexander, his first of qualifying. It remained 1-all for a while, with both teams getting good goalkeeping and strong defensive work. In the 83rd minute, Kura-Pelland broke through and delivered a sharp dagger towards the Secristani upset bid. Norbert Fiero was the hero, roofing the shot just underneath the crossbar and above the fingertips of Rossiter. The loss drops Secristan to a record of 2-0-3, and they are 5th on the table.

Adihan

31-10-2008, 12:20

Anthony Jones

It's been a while since I last blogged but I've been busy both on the training pitch and off it — more about that later.

I'd like to start the post by saying THANK GOD John Stence is no longer president of the Football Federation of Ad’ihan after what he did to the team in Liventia. He did the right thing by resigning rather than lose face had the board of directors decided to call a motion of no confidence in him. All the lads are in absolute unison that this is the best thing that could've worked out on that front. What we don't know yet is who will be replacing Stence; the bookies' favourite is actually the boss. Last I checked, the gaffer was 4-1 favourite for the job ahead of 9-1 Albert Kostenevic, the former United Islands League Championship chairman and 23-2 Dave Hollow, the former national boss who's currently in his last year as Yafor 2 manager. Not that I condone betting, of course.

I don't know what the situation currently is with regard to the return leg against Liventia. As it stands we'd still have to go there and play that leg, although one idea that has been mooted if that goes through is that we get the ticket allocation of a home team, which would mean there would be about 55,000 Ad’ihan fans in Orean for the match. I don't necessarily know if that's practical or not.

Anyway, it was good to finally play at home on Matchday Four. Unfortunately the match was a little lacking and even on the pitch we could sense that the match just really wasn't going to go anywhere, with Terreiro de Ogum playing that defensively. Hey, passing the ball around amongst ourselves was still pretty decent, it was almost like a training session. However, it was obvious that the fans didn't get their money's worth and for that we can only apologise.

Following that match I received a call from a mate in Vephrall, where I play professionally for Stithis FE, asking me about this charity thing I'm planning to do. I've decided that at 25, in the prime of my football career, it's the right time to start the Anthony Jones Football Trust. It's meant to collect money and donations — mostly footballs and old kits — which we will use to buy stuff and distribute to orphans both in Vephrall and in Ad’ihan. I'm hoping it will go well. More information will come in future blogs when I can disclose more.

We flew out of Ad’ihan the day after, headed to Magnus Valerius. It was certainly interesting to be there, for many reasons you'll probably want to find out yourself, so I won't spoil the fun. It was the first time we've played them, and it was a good encounter. Two solid team goals, and although I did get an assist on Richie Flahavan's header (I took the corner), I unfortunately had to come out of the match early after picking up a knock on the shin. Nothing serious but the boss wanted to take no risks.

So as it stands we're currently fourth in the table with eight points from five matches. Unfortunately that's well under the standards we set for ourselves before the campaign, which was to average 2.2 points per match (31 points from a possible 42). Eight points from five matches is a very poor 1.6 points per match. However, the good thing is that the top three teams will qualify this time round, so we're only just outside the qualification zone on goal difference. It's been a slower-than-normal start but we're confident we'll have a good second half of the campaign. We're also expecting six points from our two remaining first-half matches, of course.

Now, to take some of your emails. Remember, you can email your questions (with your name and your current location, please) to a.jones.wc43@islandsdaily.co.ad and I'll answer a selection each week.

What's a typical day of training like with the national team and how different is it to training with your club?
(James, Navon Beach)

Good question. Training with the national team includes a lot of team spirit (what you might call "team bonding", although that always brings out a smile in the most juvenile of us so I hate that term) training, as we're not often together for very long unless we are club mates. There's also more specialised training, I would say, at club level compared to national team training, where as I said, at least for us, it's usually done as a whole team. I am however unsure if this is just us, or whether most national teams do it this way.

How was the players' petition received by the AFF?
(Sandy, City of Ad’ihan)

Thanks to the fans' backing, and, generously, backing from the Prime Minister, the AFF had little choice but to comply. They knew that punishing the players would cause a greater backlash and that's why they didn't do anything. I'm sure most of the board members were just as disgusted with John Stence's concessions to the Liventian FA anyway.

Thanks for the questions. Until next time,
Anthony

(Translate this blog entry: French | Spanish | German)

Schedule of matches
Matchday 1: Milchama (A) L1-5
Matchday 2: Liventia (*) D1-1
Matchday 3: Quakmybush (A) W2-1
Matchday 4: Terreiro de Ogum (Stade des Îles) D0-0
Matchday 5: Magnus Valerius (A) W2-0
Matchday 6: Miroxia (Stade Aéroport)
Matchday 7: Australiah (Great Mets Stadium)
Matchday 8: Milchama (Protectorate Stadium)
Matchday 9: Liventia (A, Grovers Park)
Matchday 10: Quakmybush (Tallyn Ground)
Matchday 11: Terreiro de Ogum (A)
Matchday 12: Magnus Valerius (Stade des Îles)
Matchday 13: Miroxia (A)
Matchday 14: Australiah (A)
*Home match, but played in Liventia due to political reasons

Jeruselem

31-10-2008, 14:24

Jeruselem Government News

Don't panic says Jeru FC coach

With Jeru FC sitting 3rd in their group but only because of goal difference on 6 points above four other teams on six points, things look grim for Jeru FC. With just two wins and three losses, things are not looking the way they should be.

However, a closer look reveals Jeru FC lost to the top seeds Bostopia and Bazalonia meaning they have played the biggest teams in this group. Hence Ryan Greenly's team can now play all the lower ranked teams left which also means opportunity for picking up a lot of wins.

Compared to Arroza, Viltek, the Islands of Qutar and the Macabees ... Jeru FC have a tight defense. Conceding four goals in five games is great, and the goals scored against them was the big two. Hence no need to panic as there is two games left and a potential 6 points. Other teams still need to face Bostopia or Bazalonia meaning dropped points from losses.

Our army team are still 3rd despite recent losses mainly due to other teams other than the top two of Group 3 being just as erratic in form. The record against teams lower than Jeru FC is 2-0-1 while the losses to the big teams were expected. Hence if Jeru FC can get two more wins assuming the other big teams keeping winning, then Jeru FC should hold on to 3rd spot.

Ryan Greenly said
"Hey, it looks bad but we lost 0-2 to Bostopia and 0-1 to Bazalonia. It means we are doing well for our rank against good teams. Yes, the loss to Viltek was not good but this is Jeru FC not Jeruselem. Jeruselem aren't tracking well but looking forward, I can't see to much trouble as they are a great team at the end of the qualification. Jeru FC struggle all the way, and have to fight. We've got 4 hungry dogs chasing us but we can beat them."

Jeru FC seem to have trouble scoring goals despite their offensive line-up. This will prove important as there are higher scoring teams in Group 3 below Jeru FC on the table ready to pounce. Hopefully, they can actually score more than one goal per game in the end.

Cassadaigua

31-10-2008, 14:42

Courtney’s Space

Our fifth game of qualifying against Universitus University had us all remembering our college days before we took the field. Those of us who went to University, that is. Not all of us when to college after graduating high school. I remember it well. In high school and in junior high I intended on going to college. I had to have a backup plan in case this soccer thing never worked out. I was never a great student, but I did alright. I passed my classes and was more of your “straight B” student. I was thinking about a major in journalism or public relations. Go figure, right? After re-writing my high school’s record book in most offensive categories I was being scouted by colleges until I got the over from Bennington. Playing professionally immediately was an option. It was a great offer and an amount of money that blew me away, but I still had to think it over. Not for that long, because it was really a no-brainer. I signed the deal with Bennington right away so I never did go to college. Maybe after I retire I will think about getting a degree. Journalism still sounds good! You will find that most of the players on our roster have a pretty similar story to mine. We’re a small country still and anyone who showed promise was scooped up by a professional team immediately. Why bother going to college if you can make millions right away? You can always go back later. A few of my teammates take online classes. In total, I think only about three of us went to college. This is why Universitus University was an interesting opponent to us. Why would just the university play for the World Cup? Why not the whole nation the university is in? Or is the University the entire nation? If they were the College champion of their nation, we would understand that, but we didn’t really know why it was the way it was. When we go there, we will find out more, I am sure. For now, we welcome these young leaders of tomorrow to Concord Heights Stadium and our fifth match of qualifying.

Our record and their record didn’t matter. They were still the favorite. The way we saw it was that the University was a sleeping giant. A nation struggling very early, but a team that was likely to find their form at any given moment. When they found it, it would not be good for their opponent. We focused our efforts on the little things, such as making the smart clear in the back instead of trying to be cute with the ball. Making the safe pass in the midfield, and taking the smart shot up front instead of shooting from anywhere and leading to goal kicks. A team of University students, if nothing else, had to be intelligent. We had to be tactically sound and on our game. We were. We controlled possession, and didn’t force Rachel to have to make too many crazy saves. Except for that beauty in the 26th though. That was amazing! Thanks, Rachel!! It was stops like that, that give us confidence. We didn’t make many mistakes, but when we did, Rachel bailed us out. In the 38th minute, we took the lead on Jessica Keeley’s goal. We had a pretty good run on goal, but I was covered pretty well making myself a non-factor on the play. But Jessica and Kirsten Logan worked some nice passes between each other leading up to powerful strike. It was a fun celebration, because we knew the first goal would be important. We got it, and we went to halftime with it. In the second half we knew what we had to do. We were patient and at times pressed for a second goal but we wanted to be sure that we had everything in order in the back every time we pressed. When all was said and done, we picked up our third win of qualifying. Things will only get tougher now. We have Candelaria And Marquez and Rennidan at home then we have that six our of seven road stretch we had been dreading.

Elves Security Forces

31-10-2008, 15:05

Elven Public Broadcasting
Currently Airing: Juavi FC-FC Capri (Charity Match)

"... and here comes Vorsco down the wing mounting one last attack for the Typhoon. The Islanders are going to need a tad of magic if they are going to get the equalizer here, as the ref takes another look at his watch. Surely there can only be a minute left here in injury time. What kind of tricks does Vorsco have up his sleeve?

Que comes in with a beuatiful sliding tackle and Zuke collects the ball, then clears it forward. Abdul chests it down and quickly places it in the path of Zensan.

OHHH! What a goal! The veteran midfielder shows the crowd that he is still a force to be reckoned with. That should end this match, and yes there is the whistle from the referee. Juavi FC have defeated FC Capri in the Joiuna Mathar Charity match three to one. A goal and a pair of assists for the young Canderlisian striker gives hope to the Reds supporters that this season was just a hiccup, and they will be back to fighting for international competition next season. Capri will be wondering how they lost this match. With the TQCC coming up in a few weeks, the fans of the Typhoon will be insisting that Morris gathers her troops and gets them back on track unless they fall victim to another early round knockout."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As Tobias arrived at the checkpoint after dissapearing off into the dead of night, he was simply confounded by what he saw. Streching beyond the horizon, there were people just standing there waiting for something. These were not humans or elves though, nor did their blue, green, and black skin mark any sign of drow that he had ever come across or read about in his studies. They reminded him a tad of the Templar warriors that the Dark Bows had once used as their assassains, but they were supposed to be a dead race now, some sort of disease had wiped out them and their country centuries ago.

After the good Colonel Whittaken had found and then escorted the former Great Leader to his personal quarters at the checkpoint. The Colonel closed the down and pulled down all the windows before taking her seat behind her desk. It always surprised many that Whittaken was female after hearing about all of her exploits in the armed forces, but from an early age the elf had shown a knack for combat and a plethora of knowledge when it came to tactics. This helped her rise quickly through the ranks of the Army, and why she was then choosen as one of the people given to Tobias' trusted military advisors, espicially after the Military Council's assassination. Her exploits then during the Tides of Darkness, espicially when things were at their worst, showed Tobias firsthand that this was a woman that he could count on, and thus was one of the few that would have his emergancy pager number and person he would immiedately respond to.

"Do you have any idea where these people came from Triala? It would seem impossible for a force of that size just appearing out of nowhere. Please tell me you have some idea of where they came from and just who the hell they are."

As the Colonel was about to answer, a shimmer behind her caught Tobias' eye. It was there and then not, almost as if the fabric of reality was being reworked, just like when Elune had merged planes two years ago. Yet this was on a much smaller scale, as it only appeared right behind Whittaken's chair. Without warning, there was a shimmer again, but instead of quickly fading out as before, it continued until another one of those beings that were at the checkpoint appeared and step forward.

My name is Fenadri Del'Thara, Prelate of the Dark Templara, and I have come here seeking justice.

It was then, in that moment, that Tobias knew of the threat they now were facing, and wondered if he had been foolish to have rushed here before getting more details. It was the Templar warriors, as the thoughtspeak, for their lack of mouth demanded that be their method of vocal communication, revealed as much. His memories of their race and all of their deeds came flooding back to him, as well as his own occurances of running into one of the ones that the Dark Bows had gotten into their services.

Tobias knew it was then a mistake to come here, and only hoped that he would survive to not make that mistake again...

Jeruselem

31-10-2008, 15:14

Jason: Hey Marie!
Marie: Oh, it's you are that Jason Mann the Real Man right?
Jason: Yes, yes ... OK, my real name is Jason Jinty but ... never mind that.
Marie: So what brings you to Jeruselem World Cup training?

Jason: The girls of course! Watching you lot train is fascinating indeed. Lots of jumping around, shouting and arguing.
Marie: Actually I did most of the arguing.
Jason: I guess you're not used to taking orders.
Marie: Well, yeah ... being a Princess and all.

Jason: How come you're a defender?
Marie: I have no idea, I'm striker in Futsal. I don't do a lot of defending. Considering defense is not my way of doing things.
Jason: Anyway, thanks for the ad.
Marie: So how is the promotion going?

Jason: Well great. Lots of guys want to come on our tour of Southern Northland. The guys want you to come along.
Marie: You know I can't.
Jason: Anyway, we'll be thinking about you anyway.
Marie: What exactly are you guys doing on that bus.

Jason: Err, well ... it's like a country wide pub crawl.
Marie: Why can't you do that here?
Jason: Not enough pubs, and we are banned from your nightclubs.
Marie: Well, you lot were too drunk to tell the difference between strippers and staff.

Jason: What is the difference.
Marie: Some of the staff aren't strippers.
Jason: I don't remember a lot of that.
Marie: I'm not surprised.

Jason: Anyway, thanks for helping us out.
Marie: Funny thing, if you got a bus full of drunk loose women and drove it around the country ... people would be outraged but no one complains about the guys.
Jason: I guess that's Jeruselem
Marie: Yes, this is a strange country.

Jason: I guess the ad worked.
Marie: Nothing like a Dallas girl without clothes on to pull in the guys.
Jason: It's going be a great party.
Marie: Poor girls in SN

Urna Eletronica

31-10-2008, 16:47

Candidates make promises for the World Cup

The politicians of the Urna Eletrônica team released their list of promises to be fulfilled if the country qualifies for the World Cup, but of course nobody believed on these promises, as it is a certain thing that politicians don't do what they say they will do, but anyway their words could motivate the population to keep supporting the team and voting on them.

After two successful games that put Urna Eletrônica among the best of the group, the politicians seemed tired to play football and more devoted at winning (stealing) money (from the population) and due to this, they lost the game against Az-cz, but thanks to a decision of the congress which gave a bonus to the politicians-players, they could get two valuable draws after that, against The Holy Empire and Blouman Empire, victories for the democracy, against these evil empires.

Coach Deodoro's promise: "..."

Guimarães' promise: "If we qualify, I'll build a hundred schools and improve the quality of our teachers!"

Freire's promise: "If we reach the World Cup, I'll strengthen our relationship with the communist countries, to learn from them!"

Maluf's promise: "If I qualify for the World Cup, I'll stock all your money in my bank account in a distant island!"

Caiado's promise: "If Urna Eletrônica gets into the competition, I'll give more attention to the agriculture!"

Carneiro's promise: "If we qualify, we'll produce a nuclear bomb to have more power over our opponents!"

Afif's promise: "Our qualification would bring us the opportunity to have security, to make the lives of our people safer."

Brizola's promise: "If our loved country reaches the World Cup, I'll combat the evil corruption inside our government!"

Collor's promise: "If we miraculously qualify, I'll take my money and probably yours too and travel to another country."

Lula's promise: "If we finally reach the World Cup, I'll end with the poverty in our country, making our people happy!"

Covas' promise: "If we qualify, I'll work hard to improve the economy of the country, giving more money to our citizens."

S.Santos' promise: "We don't even need to qualify, I'll give money to everyone and make more funny television programs!"

Marronzinho's promise: "If we qualify, I'll bring water to the whole population of this country, even to those living in the desert!"

Chaves' promise: "If our country goes to the World Cup, I'll improve the health system of our country, and it'll be efficient!"

Brant's promise: "Our qualification could put us again in the old times, when we were happy."

Gabeira's promise: "With Urna Eletrônica qualifying, we can finally free the use of marijuana and the exploration of prostitution!"

The other 8 players don't have enough popularity to be heard, so we forgot their promises. But it's sure that they won't be elected anyway.

West Zirconia

31-10-2008, 17:32

It all nearly went so wrong for West Zirconia, as little-fancied Thoughts of Randomness held them to a 2-2 draw.

Roy Hazell named the same eleven that defeated Bushdome, as Steve Griffiths completed his two-match suspension. From the start, the visitors attacked, mistakenly thinking that the home side would just roll over for them. When Martin Forster scored after just eight minutes, the West Zirconian contingent thought it would be a walk in the park, especially when that was the score at half-time.

I don't know what exactly was said in the Random dressing-room, but it certainly galvanised the team into action, and West Zirconia suddenly found themselves on the back foot. The home side equalised after ten minutes, through a sliced clearance by Russell Munro that found its way past a disbelieving Steve Gray. They then pressed forwards, sensing an upset. Their efforts were rewarded when Munro fouled a Random striker in the penalty box, and was lucky to escape with a yellow card. The penalty was converted with ease, and the hosts were 2-1 up.

With nothing to lose, Hazell took off Munro, replacing him with Jerome Bennett. By this time the visiting crowd were getting restless, as indeed anyone would in such a situation, but could at least see that Hazell was taking the attacking option. Three shots - by Ed French, Alun Lydiate and (once again) Forster in as many minutes confirmed West Zirconia's intentions.

Up to this point the Random goalkeeper had been almost faultless, but then came a moment of madness. Having comfortably caught a speculative shot from Lydiate, he immediately kicked it out, at which point it rebounded off Lydiate's back and into the net. It was fortunate for the hosts that this happened so close to the end. Any earlier and West Zirconia would probably have capitalised on that and gone on to win it.

In the event, it finished 2-2, which although disappointing for a West Zirconia side expecting to win, still gives them a point to keep them in second place. However, this makes the next match, away at Prux, all the more important.

West Zirconia: Gray, Phillips(c), Fox, Munro (Bennett 69), Paterson, Hawthorne, Williams, French, McGowan, Forster, Lydiate.

Goals: Thoughts of Randomness - Munro (55 og), Anon (68 pen). West Zirconia - Forster (8), Lydiate (81)
Bookings: West Zirconia - Munro (68)

Arroza

31-10-2008, 18:33

Arrozan Ministry Of Sport Website> National Teams > Soccer > World Cup 43

Last Match Report...

Now would be a good time to start panicking. We were in the fifth pot in this group, so our goals would have been at best to qualify fourth. But in the logjam that is group three, it's very possible that after this week's matchup that the Tar Hornets could be in seventh place or worse. More importantly, we're 1-2 against the whipping boys of the group. It looks like the Ministry's plans to make soccer completely irrelevant in this country, starting with wrecking the national team is working just great. The one bright spot is the defense, having given up only 2 goals in four games against teams not from Bostopia.

It's a good thing no one in power reads these reports, or I'd be so fired.

Goals:
Arroza: 0
Vilitek: 1 (Anonymous 13) I really don't know, I was so disgusted that I didn't stay sober long enough to really be objective or pay attention.

Next Match: Arroza @ Bazalonia.

Pray for a draw. That's about all we can hope for at the Bazalonians.

Schedule (1st Half)

Friendly: @ Secristan (0-1)
MD1: The Macabees (3-0)
MD2: @ Bostopia (0-5)
MD3: Kjomasasopia (4-0)
MD4: @ Islands of Qutar (0-1)
MD5: Vilitek (0-1)
MD6: @ Bazalonia
MD7: Jeru F.C. - @ Costa Norte, Seclusion Coast

Dancougar

31-10-2008, 18:40

Dancougar News!!
Halloween requires Macross Frontier cosplay and cookies decorated like Dragonballs.

Late winner caps thriller in Yuki City: From letdown to showdown, the Dancougar Black Wings earned three crucial points last night against surging Lovisa, winning 4-3 on a Dan Potts' injury-time goal.

"We weren't the best team for ninety minutes," said Potts, "but we were the best over the last ten, fifteen minutes. We gave ourselves a chance to win, and we took it."

Lovisa seemed poised to continue their run of hot form and ran up a 2-0 lead within half an hour. The Wings fell under attack early and goalkeeper Yuji Watanabe was called upon to make save after save. He kept his clean sheet for only twelve minutes, when Mariusz Franke beat both Sho Yukikaze with his run and Watanabe with a low shot between him and the near post. Watanabe was visibly upset, as he thought he had the angle covered. Ten minutes later, it was 2-0 to the visitors when midfielder Jan Sandler fired a cross that was met by the head of Henrik Baecker. Casey Berber was forced to take responsibility for that one, as he was caught in a poor position and didn't get nearly enough on his jump to intercept the cross.

Flat-footed defending, poor movement, and a lack of scoring chances - the Wings seemed poised to lose a second-straight match, but the confident Lovisans gave one back in the 35th. Kevin Underwood started a run upfield and pushed past a midfielder into open space. Support came from Benjamin Whittaker, and Underwood found him running down the left side. Whittaker held up to take the pass, and then cut inside past a defender to set up a left-footed cross. Shishio Jinguuji stopped it with his foot and hit it on the first bounce past Fritjof Sievers to make it 2-1, which got the crowd back on its feet and into the game.

"We want to see those towels, we want to hear the songs, and we want the opponent to feel intimidated," said Whittaker. "It was crucial to get that goal before halftime so there was some energy in the stadium."

It remained 2-1 at the break, but Dancougar looked like the momentum was all theirs when they tied it two minutes from the restart. Whittaker again was sprung on the left, and he squared it to Ingram. Ingram fired a sharp volley aimed at the far corner, and Sievers' frantically leaped to cover it. The ball careened off the post and back into play, where Underwood was waiting for a quick tap-in while Sievers was still on the ground. Defender Sebastian Vilgoor had tried to play the ball off the line when Sievers missed, and was still inside the goal when Underwood popped up, keeping him onside. Lovisa looked rattled.

Three minutes later, it was all undone. Yukikaze's tried to pass to Casey Berber at the back and set up another thrust forward, but his pass was weak and Francke jumped in to steal it. This started a two-on-one break thirty five yards from goal, and Francke's clinical through-ball found Philip Meehan to restore the lead. The goal silenced the crowd, which spent the next ten minutes recovering its voice as Dancougar once again pushed for the equalizer.

"We had, what, two goals in the first five minutes there," said captain Underwood. "You just can't drop your pace off in a game like this, or you get burned. They made a mistake and let Benjie run at them; we made a mistake and turned it over deep. The moment you lose focus, it's in your net."

The Wings came close in the 67th, when a Lyle Dylandy corner was headed over the bar by Jinguuji. Shiro Furuya was brought on for Kazuki Midorikawa as an extra attacking option, bringing the Wings to the same 3-4-3 used by the Lovisans. This opened up the midfield, but the tireless runs producing no goals. Lovisa narrowly missed adding to their lead when a 75th-minute free kick was punched just over the bar by Watanabe.

Alexei Voronzoff came on for an exhausted Benjamin Whittaker in the 77th, and minutes later Jared Matthews replaced Anthony Ingram. Bilbao was hoping for their youth to serve the team well in the comeback bid, and his faith was rewarded in the 84th. Voronzoff won the ball from Sandler with a rough tackle, but the referee waved play-on. He scrambled to his feet and ran the ball into space, dropping it off for Underwood, whose one-timer into the box found Jinguuji beat the offside trap for his second goal. Sandler's protests fell on deaf ears, although replays showed Voronzoff's overzealous play should've been whistled for a foul.

"Late in a game like that, you cannot play with reserve," said Voronzoff. "I just went for the ball and gave my best effort."

"Alexei has been a good option for us when the midfield starts to sag," said Bilbao. "I think he's adjusted well to the team and always goes in hard, especially when he has a chance to make a play."

The Wings now sought the go-ahead goal, as the Lovisan attack started to founder. The possession battle swung firmly in the Wings' favor as they passed the ball throughout the midfield, but the Lovisa midfield pulled back to assist on defense. Passes were cut off and balls hastily cleared, but the game was now Dancougar's to win or draw. Dylandy was saved in the 86th, and then Jinguuji's hat trick bid was denied with a superb diving stop in the 89th. Three minutes of stoppage were left.

Enter Potts, who found some open space in the Lovisa box to receive a pass from Underwood. He took the ball and accelerated to the defender's right to try and create space for a shot. All that was left was a quick turn and a hard, low shot. The 'keeper went down to get it but was a bit slow, and the ball bounced off his underarm and into the net for a 4-3 lead two minutes into added time. The Lovisans had no option to recover but to play direct, long balls that were easily intercepted by the Black Wing defense.

"Dan kept moving, and that was just a great effort to get that shot off," said Jinguuji. "He willed that one in."

The win swapped Dancougar and Lovisa in the table, with the hosts moving to second place on ten points from five matches. They sit a point ahead of Lovisa and three ahead of Newmanistan and Myedvedeya, who both won their games last night. Myedvedeya seems to have used Dancougar as a springboard, putting up five against The Bostopian Empire, while the Rockets squeaked past floundering Alversia 1-0. The Wings visit Alversia next before closing out the first half of qualifying with a much-anticipated home game against Newmanistan.

Matchday six preview: @ Alversia (0-2-3): This should be an easy win. Given what the Wings did to the Bostopian Empire on the road, coupled with Alversia's woeful performance so far, this should be at least a two goal win. The operative word here is "should."

We also thought Dancougar would be able to take on the upstart Bears of Myedvedeya, but we know how that one turned out. Their victory over the Wings seems to have energized their entire team, and they followed up with a 5-2 road romp over the Bostopian Empire which has them back in the race. And Alversia just played at home to Newmanistan and barely lost 0-1, so you have to wonder... will Alversia also use an upset to get their campaign back on track?

The good news is that Alversia only have two goals through five matches. The potentially scary news is that one of those came in Myedvedeya, where Dancougar had oh so much success. That tells you that they're certainly capable. Casey Berber also has to be careful not to pick up a second yellow in this one, or he'll miss the match against the Rockets. More cautious play from Dancougar's top defender may create more options for the Alversia offense.

Bilbao knows that the team needs points and can't afford to bring anything besides their best, although he might experiment with the midfield and start Voronzoff over Ingram. The youngster has been impressive in clean-up duty so far and might just need a good quality start or two to prove his mettle. Prediction: Dancougar 1 @ 0 Alversia. It won't be pretty, but the Wings will want to avoid another drop.

Rankings update: Our turn to play spoiler! Dancougar's victory ensured that Group 8 would not produce another bout between ranked opponents, as Lovisa were dropped from the HEX Top 15 after a close 4-3 loss that wasn't decided until the final minute. The group remains firmly in Starblaydia's possession, and the victory wasn't enough to boost one-loss Dancougar back into the list.

Winning against a higher-ranked opponent should also boost Dancougar's computer rating, although we don't know exactly what that is yet, because the computers have yet to churn them out and we're too lazy to do it ourselves.

KPB: 23
ILA: unknown (Prev: 23)
HEX: NR (Prev: NR)

West Zirconia

31-10-2008, 20:17

The Daily Herald's resident agony aunt Norma McKie attempts to answer reader's problems. This week's letter is from Mrs Dorothy Beauchamp of Carlisle Street, Redwood.

Dear Norma,

I hate football - loathe and detest it. I cannot for the life of me see the point of 22 grown men kicking a bag of wind around, pausing now and again to indulge in what looks to me like some sort of orgy.

My husband Roy, however, likes to watch it, and made me watch them play some random country last night. I was just about to storm off in a huff and put the tea on when who should I see grinning at me from the television screen but our 17-year-old grandson Alun, who appeared to be in the middle of one of these orgies. The commentator said that he has played three games and scored three times, which Roy told me is very good.

My problem is this: How can I reconcile the fact that he has chosen this course of action with the fact that I still can't stand football, and wish he'd get himself a more meaningful job?

Yours sincerely, Dorothy Beauchamp

Well, Dorothy, you have got yourself into a quandary, haven't you? But how would you react if instead Alun had become, say, a traffic warden, a double-glazing salesman, a used-car dealer, or a male prostitute? OK, perhaps if my grandson had decided to sell his body I'd feel a bit upset as well, but as for the other examples, I'm sure you'd simply wish Alun all the best and let him get on with his job - unpopular though it might be.

So it is with his being a footballer. He's obviously enjoying himself playing football, and I'm sure he's making enough money not to worry your daughter and son-in-law too much. He certainly won't lack women either (assuming, of course, that's what he's into - otherwise he might just have to make do with Ben Phillips). In short, I'm sure he will be very happy in his career.

So I say - grit your teeth and call him to congratulate him. He's achieved what very few footballers ever do, and I think that deserves to be acknowledged. And in future, just treat his career like you would that of any of your other grandchildren.

Myedvedeya

31-10-2008, 21:04

Myedvedeya Pregame
(82)Myedvedeya VS (7)Starblaydia

MD1: Myedvedeya 1-3 Lovisa
MD2: Myedvedeya 1-1 Alversia (Krakovsky Stadion, Moskva)
MD3: Myedvedeya 0-4 Newmanistan
MD4: Myedvedeya 1-0 Dancougar (Krakovsky Stadion, Moskva)
MD5: Myedvedeya 5-2 The Bostopian Empire
MD6: Myedvedeya VS Starblaydia (Krakovsky Stadion, Moskva)
MD7: Myedvedeya VS Glaycia (Krakovsky Stadion, Moskva)
MD8: Myedvedeya VS Lovisa (Krakovsky Stadion, Moskva)
MD9: Myedvedeya @ Alversia
MD10: Myedvedeya VS Newmanistan (Krakovsky Stadion, Moskva)
MD11: Myedvedeya @ Dancougar
MD12: Myedvedeya VS The Bostopian Empire (Pyotroveskovlad Imperial Dome)
MD13: Myedvedeya @ Starblaydia
MD14: Myedvedeya @ Glaciya

Myedvedeya's international football team will host top of the group Starblaydia tonight, in a match they are expected to lose in a horrific fashion. The Starblaydis have been in excellent form, winning four, drawing one, and losing none coming into this sixth match. Myedvedeya are on a two-game winning streak, including a shocking 1-0 victory at home against #23 Dancougar.

"We beat Dancougar at home, we destroyed the Bostopian Empire on the road. We've shown that we're a good team" Said defender Ivan Blevsky. "Starblaydia will be extremely challenging, but who knows, we're at home, and soccer is a game of surprises. A win or a draw here would be absolutely phenomenal, and I think we have the ability to make it happen."

Myedvedeya will continue to play the same lineup and offensive-oriented style that served them so well against Dancougar and the Bostopian Empire.

The lineup, as such, will be as follows:

#28 Vorotaev #9 Rozhdestvensky

#8 Barabanschikov #4 Markov #13(C) Dolohov #7 Ulyanov

#5 Romasko #20 Pervoi #27 Mizin #18 Blevsky

#1 Bykovsky

The weather forecast in Moskva today calls for the coldest home match yet, with temperatures around 15º Fahrenheit (-9.5º Celsius), with moderate snowfall, and winds up to 37mph (59.5km/h). With these numbers, the wind chill comes out to be about -7.2º Fahrenheit (-21.8º Celsius). As always, fans traveling to the Krakovksy Stadion in Moskva are advised to dress appropriately, and are advised that the Myedvedeyan government is NOT responsible for death or loss of limb due to the temperature.

Greal

31-10-2008, 22:33

Cafundeu

31-10-2008, 22:51

OLHO NO LANCE! YOUR SPORTS MAGAZINE!
A Globo Multimedia partner

WORLD CUP 43 – VALANORA AND VEPHRALL
Full coverage – including comments from Breno Gavião, notes by Sílvio Ruiz and interviews by César Lang
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A SMALL SLIP, BUT CAMPAIGN CONTINUES GOOD

http://img152.imageshack.us/img152/3401/imagsue0.jpg (http://imageshack.us)
Hubert commemorates his goal against Cassadaigua

After two good victories over Saturday Sport (the one which Breno Gavião forgot to broadcast) and Candelaria And Marquez (which are our biggest opponents in this group, so this was a crucial victory), the Monopolists had two more important games for the World Cup qualifiers. Looking for an early qualification, the team seemed focused in getting six more points, but they weren’t able to do so, thanks to a mixture of overconfidence and ability of the opponents. This happened in the game against Cassadaigua, in which Cafundéu took the lead, but failed to decide the game and ended letting the opponents draw. The result shocked the supporters who thought that the game was going to be easy, but wasn’t a disaster.

But the matchdays three and four weren’t bad in general for the Cafundelenses. No, that’s the opposite. Although the draw against Cassadaigua destroyed the party, soon after the supporters could commemorate a much needed and very good victory over Rennidan, and by a large 4x1 result. The players probably wanted to show the supporters that they were still strong and capable of making the country proud of them. Until now, it seems right. Cafundéu is playing very well; the coach is being respected by the media and the players making good performances. If things continue this way, it’ll be difficult for us to suffer again with a tough qualifying stage.

GAME AGAINST CASSADAIGUA: for the game against Cassadaigua, the coach Júlio Vargas had to make some changes in the team, but the substitutes of Da Silva (injured by a training cone) and Danilo Sampa (recovering from a laughing crisis) are excellent players, and the supporters gave them full confidence. The Monopolists were expecting to win the game, but entered in the field respecting their opponents, which had played in Cafundéu months before during the Baptism of Fire, and made a good campaign. So, the players and supporters knew something about Cassadaigua, and tried to use this knowledge to get a positive result.

When the game started, the Monopolists went to the attack, trying to use their main weapon, which is the offensive power of their midfielders. One of the best countries of the world in using the offence, the Cafundelenses pressured the opponent with attack after attack, dominating the ball control and just waiting for a perfect opportunity to score. It appeared only after the twentieth minute, when Hubert received the ball inside the area and shot well to score. Near the end of the first half, another goal. This time it was Moreira the scorer, shooting after getting the rebound of a badly taken free kick. Cafundéu could take this nice victory after the first half, but there were many minutes still to play.

In the second half, Cafundéu wasn’t as offensive as in the first half, with Vargas making defensive changes in the line-up and hoping to increase the lead in counterattacks. This seemed a good chance for Cassadaigua to take a more offensive approach, while the Monopolists would put faith in their defence to hold the positive result. But this didn’t happen. Scott scored first thanks to a bad goal exit made by Júlio Sampa. Cafundéu tried to return to the offensive style, but the changes and the good performance of the goalkeeper Terry didn’t help the team. And, to make things worse, in a fast counterattack, Cassadaigua drew, with a goal scored by Keeley.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 1 (Hubert’s goal): “Ball to the left wing with Augusto César, he holds it well and makes a shorrrrrt pass to Marrrrrossi. Long pass to Rrrrrossi in the rrrrright wing, he drrrrribbles an opponent and trrrrries to find space for a shot... shoots... hits the defender, Huberrrrrt takes the rrrrrebound, drrrrribbles Rrrrreynolds, shoots... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! See this rrrrreplay with me! Hubert, number eighteen! Now the scorrrrreline is Cafundéu one, Cassadaigua zerrrrro! Arrrrre you looking for a bank that expects you to put a lot of money in your bank account? An exclusive bank used only by millionairrrrrres and famous people? You don’t need to look anymorrrrrrre! Open a bank account rrrrright now in Bacharrrrrrel Bank, the Cafundelense VIP bank!”

http://img152.imageshack.us/img152/7628/img01nt4.jpg (http://imageshack.us)
Danilo Sampa and Moreira prepare for kickoff in game against Rennidan

GAME AGAINST RENNIDAN: after the disappointing draw against Cassadaigua, the Cafundelenses returned home, this time to the capital of the country Cafundó do Juta, in order to play in the fourth game of the World Cup 43 qualifiers, against third best ranked team of the group Rennidan. Hoping to get a better result than the one of the last game, the Monopolists were trained to be offensive once again, and to use their experience in order to defeat the opponents. Although Cafundéu was the favourite for this game, there were suspicions about the advantage that the red-black team had in this game, as many saw Rennidan as a very difficult opponent.

When the game started, the noise coming from the stands was very high, showing that the Cafundelense supporters would never abandon their National Team, having as much passion for it as they have for their domestic teams. The players seemed motivated with the support of the people inside the stadium, and soon took the control of the game, attacking well and giving no chance for Rennidan to be offensive. It didn’t take long for a goal to be scored. Silvinho crossed the ball to the area and Alex headed to score. The advantage became bigger minutes later, when Danilo Sampa received an excellent pass from Rossi and shot to score the second goal. After that, Cafundéu seemed to worry more in avoiding suffering goals.

But the Rennidan midfield seemed lost in the game and Cafundéu could still score one more goal in the half, when Moreira took the ball from Wallase, dribbled Belon, the goalkeeper and entered in the goal with the ball. And that was the result at the end of the first half, 3x0. The Cafundelenses seemed confident of a big victory, and Rennidan didn’t seem ready for a reaction. In the second half, the midfield continued under the control of the Monopolists, but their attacking power wasn’t the same, and the game seemed more equal. Samman even scored with a long ranged shot. But Danilo Sampa’s goal ten minutes after guaranteed the win for Cafundéu, a gift for the fans.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 2 (Alex’s goal): “Cafundéu once again attacking, Rrrrrrennidan still on the defence, the supporrrrrrterrrrrrs send the team to the attack, and Silvinho goes with them! Nice drrrrrribble over Ferrrrrrsu, has space for a crrrrrossing... and that’s what he does, good crrrrrross, Danilo Sampa misses the ball, Alex appearrrrrrs frrrrrrom behind... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! I want a rrrrreplay of this one! Alex, number thrrrrrree! Now Cafundéu one, Rrrrrrennidan zerrrrro! The new CD of the famous rrrrrrock band Interrrrrrest Rrrrrrate is alrrrrrready on the storrrrrrres: Stock Marrrrrrket Crrrrrrrisis! You simply have to hear the new songs of this band that has conquerrrrrred the worrrrrrld! By Altos Decibéis Rrrrrrecorrrrrds, the number one CD prrrrroducer of Cafundéu!”

Now with three wins and one draw, Cafundéu gets prepared for more three games before the end of the first half of this stage of the World Cup. With the games against Rennidan and Candelaria And Marquez already played (the first one against them), it is probable that the coach Júlio Vargas will make some tests with the team. The offense is playing very well, and the defence isn’t even in need to work much. With the return of Da Silva, who already became conscious again (while his coach Javier Sanchez is still apologizing for his family and the fans), the team can show even more strength in the future, and this seems to be a very successful Cafundelense team.

INTERVIEWS WITH CÉSAR LANG: this time I was able to make interviews during both games. First of all, against Cassadaigua, the coach Vargas said: “It isn’t that we played badly, it’s just that they were able to explore our lack of attention during the second half. Our team is good, and this result won’t take away our motivation.” While the attacker Hubert said: “At least I scored I goal. I’m sure my mother is happy.” After the game against Rennidan, the coach seemed much happier. He told the media: “If there was some doubt about Cafundéu’s National Team strength, I hope they have ended now. This is a quality team, and we can achieve many things with it... maybe an unforgettable campaign.” Attacker Danilo Sampa said: “Once again I made a good game, and this is thanks to the confidence the coach and my team mates are giving to me.”

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 3 (Moreira’s goal): “Ball with the Rrrrrrrrrennidan midfield, they werrrrrre able to finish just two plays in the firrrrrrst half, Cafundéu with clear dominance in this game. Wallase with the ball, Morrrrreirrrrrra aprrrrrroaches... takes the ball! Rrrrrruns to the attack, drrrrrribbles the captain Belon, faces the goalkeeper... amazing drrrrrribble, the goal is guarrrrrranteed, he is enterrrrring in the goal... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Check the rrrrreplay with me of this beautiful goal! Morrrrrreirrrrrra, number eleven! Cafundéu thrrrrrree, Rrrrrennidan zerrrrrro! Clocks you can find in Máquina do Tempo, the shop with all kinds of clocks! You can find even the clock that counts the time backwarrrrrrds, or the clock that plays an horrrrrrible noise everrrrrytime an hour ends!”

http://img152.imageshack.us/img152/4346/imagew4.jpg (http://imageshack.us)
Cafundéu attacks Rennidan

CASSADAIGUA 2x2 CAFUNDÉU

Place: Concord Heights Stadium, in Cassadaigua.
Attendance: 73,185 people (two intruders).
Time: 20:30 Cafundelense time.
Climate: clear, 22ºC.
Referee: Cerne Radek (Taeshan).
Assistants: Zombie Arnaldo César Coelho (Prux) and Zombie José Roberto Wright (Prux).
MOTM: Rachel Terry (Cassadaigua)

CASSADAIGUA: Terry; Fuller, Messina, Reynolds and Brandt; Scott, Cotrell and Robertson (Burrows 63’); Ferguson, Keeley and Logan (Macey 45’).
Coach: Michelle Baynes.

CAFUNDÉU: Júlio Sampa; Alex, Titov and Luizão; Silveira (Fabinho 65’), Zé Sho, Rossi (Cícero 45’), Augusto César and Marossi; Moreira (Alves 76’) and Hubert.
Coach: Júlio Vargas.

Goals:CAS: Scott 52’ , Keeley 88’.
CAF: Hubert 21’ , Moreira 38’.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

CAFUNDÉU 4x1 RENNIDAN

Place: Estádio Rei Albieri Van Tocco, in Cafundó do Juta.
Attendance: 209,555 people.
Time: 18:15 Cafundelense time.
Climate: weak rain, 18ºC.
Referee: Toshio Okakeda (Dancougar).
Assistants: Yuji Sakahashi (Dancougar) and Kim Sheong (Daehanjeiguk).
MOTM: Moreira (Cafundéu).

CAFUNDÉU: Júlio Sampa; Alex, Titov and Luizão; Silveira, Silvinho (Renildo 70’), Rossi (Fabinho 45’), Augusto César and Marossi (Tobias 77’); Moreira and Danilo Sampa.
Coach: Júlio Vargas.

RENNIDAN: Twils; Iopi, Fortal, Samman, Yetsom (Hasweh 45’) and Belon; Fersu, Wallase and Selks; Deleks and Loek (Oplo 70’).
Coach: Ryan Malkoa.

Goals:CAF: Alex 12’ , Danilo Sampa 19’/75’ , Moreira 45’+.
REN: Samman 64’.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Goalscorers:

3- Danilo Sampa
2- Augusto César, Marossi, Moreira
1- Titov, Silveira, Hubert, Alex
1 own goal

Vephrall

01-11-2008, 02:29

MD6 scores are now available. (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=14155450#post14155450)

Taeshan

01-11-2008, 04:03

Purple Kmnights Stay Among the Ranks of the Unbeaten

Well the Knights pulled another tie out of the hat yesterday against 165th ranked Panuul. We can crush the 55th ranked Blue Tornado, but show up and don't play a good game against the unknownest team in soccer. I'm thinking they tied because they were shcoked at who the team was not knowing who thye were. Were they good or bad? Well i guess we're going to drop back out of the Coaches poll(hey GW don't rank us anymore we might keep on doing good if you dont jinx us). There were know BCS rankings this week. And it seems thatr the Knights are know in second in group 2 bahind Wentland.

Well they had a tough game out there. Panuul sure plays way better then there rank. Rutacko Flentag scored there goal eleven minutes into the game way past Tad Montague who looked lost on the play. Then the Knights would score just minutes later on an A. F> Falcon header. And that was the final score. Next the Knights come home after there 3 game away series to face the big Capitalizt Slani team who are looking to get back into qualifying position with a win. The Knights will need to fend them off to stay in it.

Qazox

01-11-2008, 04:04

QNN
Where News Happens

Qazox took on Urna Eletrônica at Estadio Azul Flores in Iguana de Mia and came out the a tougher than expected 2-1 win. A 13th minute goal from Sílvio Santos of UE gave the visitors hope of an upset, but just minutes later Raul de Olivares tied it up and the momentum was back on the side of the Pheonix. But they wouldn't capitalize on it until after Bonnie Young came in for an injured Yolanda Christian in the 68th minute. Bonnie responded by scoring her first goal in the 72nd minute which proved to be the game winner. Yolanda's injury was minor and she should start the next game, against the Blouman Empire.

The complete schedule and Results (Home games and Wins in BOLD):

MD1: @ Cokenia WIN 3-2 (Record: 1-0-0)
MD2: Swilatia WIN 5-0 (Record: 2-0-0)
MD3: @ Tortuga y Hispaniola WIN 3-2 (Record 3-0-0)
MD4: Az-cz WIN 6-3 (Record 4-0-0)
MD5: @ The Holy Empire LOSS 0-2 (Record 4-0-1)
MD6: Urna Eletrônica WIN 2-1 (Record 5-0-1)
MD7: Blouman Empire @ Estadia Pika, Pika City. Capacity: 78,625.
OFF DAY
MD8: Cokenia @ Toro Rojo Stadium, Las Vitas. Capacity: 70,000.
MD9: @ Swilatia
MD10: Tortuga y Hispaniola @ Toro Rojo Stadium, Las Vitas. Capacity: 70,000.
MD11:@ Az-cz
MD12: The Holy Empire @ Qazian Memorial Stadium, Qazox City. Capacity: 98,000.
MD13: @ Urna Eletrônica
MD14: @ Blouman Empire

QAZOX SCORING today
Raul de Olivares- 18'
Bonnie Young- 72'

QAZOX OVERALL SCORING
Charles Marquis- 7
Raul de Olivares- 5
Yolanda Christian- 4
Jason Erca- 1
Brittany Lopes- 1
Bonnie Young- 1

<Commercial break>

A 2-day cease fire along all fronts today, due to the Catholic holiday of All-Saints day in Certifiably insane and Sawed, and the celebration of Freedom Day in Qazox. Taeshani troops have agreed as well, as November 1st is a holy day in Piscodemons.

A bomb went off in Northern Sativaville near the city of Chongonia. 5 people died and hundreds were injured. No one has claimed responsibility for the attack.

Here at home, Furhur Daniel Renoir has declared that the conflicts will continue until both Certifiably insane and Sawed have either unconditionally surrendered, or agree to be annexed into Qazox. Members of Sawed ruling family have declared "We will fight until the last man" while there has not been a response from Certifiably insane.

Stay tuned to QNN for more news as it happens.

Prux

01-11-2008, 04:19

ESPN Journal of Sport
November 17, 1944

Prux vs. West Zirconia, Game 6 of qualifying
by: Saul Werth

West Zirconia came to town in 2nd place, and left in third, as Prux won 3-1 to take over 2nd place in group 2, at least for the time being. Zombie Ronaldo scored all three goals, as Prux jumped out to a 3-0 lead by the 4-th minute. WZ's Martin Forster made it 3-1 with a 61st minute goal, but that was as close as the visitors would get. Up next is the next-to last home match of the qualifiers, against Kelssek. While on the pitch, this matchup is intriguing only in terms of where the teams will finish, on the ice, these two teams have had a heated rivalry. A win to close out the 1st half of qualifying would go a long ways to ensuring a 2nd World Cup berth.

MD1: vs. Bushdome WIN 3-1
MD2: vs. Thoughts of Randomness D 2-2
MD3: vs. Tynelia Lost 2-3
MD4: @ Yafor 2 D 1-1
MD5: vs. United Island Empires W 4-1
MD6: vs. West Zirconia W 3-1
MD7: vs. Kelssek
QUALIFYING BREAK
MD8: @ Bushdome
MD9: @ Thoughts of Randomness
MD10: @ Tynelia
MD11: vs. Yafor 2
MD12: @ United Island Empires
MD13: @ West Zirconia
MD14: @ Kelssek

OVERALL: 3-2-1
Projected: 8-3-3

Goal Scoring:
Zombie Ronaldo- 7
Zombie Just Fontaine- 3
Zombie Pelé- 3
Zombie Zinedine Zidane- 2

Green wombat

01-11-2008, 04:46

THE HEXAGON REPORT
It's News, Because We Say So!

Green wombat staved off Nethertopia, right here in The Hexagon, to improve to 3-1-2 and the Wombats remain 2 points off a World Cup berth. The win, the second consecutive 1-0 win of the tourney for the team and sets up the visit from winless Onimar next. Once again, this is a match that the Wombats have to win to be in the running for a World Cup berth.

(NOTE: All home matches will be played at: Green wombat Field, aka: "The Barracks": The Hexagon. Capacity: 66,666.)
MD1: @ An Blascaod Mór WIN 2-1
MD2: vs Valetaland LOST 1-2
MD3: @ The Archregimancy Draw 1-1
MD4: vs Jasiyun/Jaseuyeon LOST 0-2
MD5: @ Sorthern Northland WIN 1-0
MD6: vs Nethertopia WIN 1-0
MD7: vs Onimar
MD8: vs An Blascaod Mór
MD9: @ Valetaland
MD10: vs The Archregimancy
MD11: @ Jasiyun/Jaseuyeon
MD12: vs Sorthern Northland
MD13: @ Nethertopia
MD14: @ Onimar
OVERALL RECORD: 3-1-2

The Post MD5 Ranks (1st Place Votes in Bold Italics)

TOP 15 POLL
Rank/Prev.
1/1 Bazalonia 6-0-0 11
2/3 Jaseuyeon 6-0-0 3
3/4 Cafundéu 5-1-0 1
4/5 Daehanjeiguk 5-1-0
5/6 Starblaydia 5-1-0
6/7 Tynelia 5-1-0
7/8 The Holy Empire 4-2-0
8/10 Qazox 5-0-1
9/11 Kura-Pelland 5-0-1
10/15 The Archregimancy 4-1-1
11/13 Wentland 4-1-1
12/NR Bostopia 5-0-1
13/2 Milchama 4-1-1
14/NR Dancougar 4-1-1
15/14 Taeshan 3-3-0

FELL OUT:
#9 kenavt Lost at KaMaRi 0-1
#12 Capitalizt SLANI Lost at Yafalonia and Bazor 2 1-3

kenavt and Pre-qualifing #1 SLANI both fall out of the Top 15, while Dancougar and Bostopia rejoin the list. But perhaps the team to watch out for is Cassadaigua, who are 4-1-0 after an opening week loss to Land de Wood. Jasyiyun and Bazalonia are still the only 2 perfect teams, and there are now only 8 unbeats, with Milchama and kenavt dropping from that list. Which team will win the coveted Golden Wombat as the last unbeaten? We've also noticed a trend in which the #2 team seemingly loses the week after they receive that ranking. So be on the upset alert, Jasiyun.

On the Bottom 5, Swilatia's win sees them off this list for the first time, and Universitus University continues its run at imperfection. Seventy Ninth Entrant and Nethertopia both lost, keeping them int he same sport, while Alversia joins the list. An Blascaod Mór is only here due to the fact they had the worst loss of the week. On the flipside of the Golden Wombat, there's the Wooden Wombat, given to the last team to record a win, or failing that, the worst GD amongst the winless teams, as the worst team already receives a wooden spoon. There is only 1 imperfect team, the aforementioned Universitus University (no wins or draws), while there remain 12 winless teams.

BOTTOM FIVE
76: Alversia 0-1-5 -10GD
77: An Blascaod Mór 2-0-4 -9GD
78: Seventy Ninth Entrant 0-1-5 -9GD
79: Nethertopia 0-1-5 -9GD
80: Universitus University 0-0-6 -12GD

Dancougar

01-11-2008, 07:08

All of the buildings had received heavy damage, but the emergency facilities underground were fine. The Beast Machine pilots rolled them back down the launch tunnel for repairs and rearming. Meanwhile, the Angels and SMS gathered with Simms and his staff in a debriefing room. The situation was explained fully, and the Angels were visibly taken aback at the true extent of the damage. Inoue hung her head with disgrace. "So he died, then..." she murmured. "We were..." The princess sat to Simms' right at the front of the room, staring at the floor.

"You shouldn't blame yourself; we simply didn't have enough manpower available," said Simms. "Even if we had gotten all our planes in the air, could we really have matched those numbers? We're lucky to have survived."

"But these things, the Rhinemaiden," said Russ, "these things are amazing! You saw what they could do out there. Why don't we have more of those? A whole wing of those would make a huge difference."

"We told you, it's only a trial fighter!" Inoue shot back. "There's only a handful that have been built, and only these three are combat ready."

"But there are more?" Everyone looked at the princess, who had muttered the question forcefully, yet quietly. She looked up at Simms. "How many more are there?" He balked at an answer, so she turned to the professor. Her eyes were piercing.

"Zere are... around ten more," von Steuben answered, even though he knew what her next question was. "But ve can only feet two or sree more for battle."

"I shall have you do that," Erica said.

"Now, princess, this isn't time to be rash..." Simms began, but she slammed her hand on the wall behind her.

"No, that's not good enough!" she exploded. The room went silent. A bead of sweat ran down Simms' forehead as Erica stood up and faced him. "This is war now, isn't it? We have to respond. I have to take responsibility for all this!" Tears were starting to run down her cheeks again. She wiped them away angrily. "They died because I was here! To protect me! I can't just cry and wait for you to make it better!"

"There's a difference between being brave and being foolish," Simms replied, trying to stand his ground. "There's still too much about all this we don't understand. If you'd just be..."

The professor stood up. The sound of his chair scraping the floor was enough to grab their attention. He bowed courteously. "Es you vish, your highness," he said.

Erica turned away from Simms to acknowledge her order's acceptance. "See to it that three fighters are readied as soon as possible. Your men will be joining me." Russ and Peter looked at each other. Did she mean them? "I await their arrival." She turned and stormed out of the room. Her face was bright red and her brow deeply furrowed. They could tell that she was trying very hard to control the situation.

The door slid shut behind her. Simms turned to the professor. "You shouldn't encourage her!" he shouted. "It's bad enough that the prince has pressed himself into duty!"

"Zere orders are ebsolute," replied von Steuben, "or heff you forgotten ze officer's oas?"

Simms coughed and adjusted his hat. "I suppose I have no choice," he said at last. "See to it the fighters are fitted and delivered as soon as possible." He turned to face Russ and Peter. "You boys have shown great promise... I beg you, please keep her safe."

********************

Prince Daniel stood at the foot of the Laser Liger. He held his helmet lazily in his left hand while leading against the leg. The other pilots were dismounting from their machines and heading for the waiting area adjacent to the hanger. He heaved himself to his feet and followed them, with Jun slowing down so he could catch up. "You saved me," she said. "Thank you..."

"I'm glad..." Daniel replied. "I'm glad that I was able to save at least one person."

They left the hanger and entered the room. There were couches in the center. A vending machine was on the far wall, which also had the doors to the men's and women's locker rooms. The wall between them and the hanger had large glass windows so they could see the maintenance beginning on their machines. Joe closed the door to the hanger.

Immediately, Tetsuya threw his helmet into a couch and punched the wall. There was a sickening crack. "DAMN IT!" he yelled. "DAMN IT!!" Joe didn't say anything, and neither did Jun. He punched the wall again, cursing with every hit. "You bastard, Chase, why weren't you out there?! Damn it!" Daniel took a step towards the hanger door, but he felt Jun grab onto his arm. She continued to look straight ahead and didn't say anything. She let her hand drop and he stopped his movement.

"I..." he stuttered. Tetsuya was breathing heavily and turned to face him. His face gave off the unmistakable air of rage. "I'm sorry we couldn't save him..." Daniel said.

"You should know how hard it is!" Tetsuya challenged, walking over and grabbing the prince by the collar. Jun and Joe stepped forward in shock, but Daniel didn't resist. "There's a war out there. I can't stop and grieve for Chase. I can't go dig him out, bury him, none of us can. I have to suck it up and move on. I'm the goddamn team leade, and I hate this feeling!" He let the prince go and turned away. "I have to act cool and collected, but I just want to scream and tear those guys apart. Sorry? That doesn't cut it!"

"I knew Chase while we were at the academy," replied Daniel calmly. "He was a good pilot, and a good man. And if you know him that well, then you know what he'd say if he saw you right now."

Tetsuya was quiet for a moment, then twisted his face into a grin. "I know. That bastard," he said. He walked towards the locker room door. "Listen, Daniel. Prince or not, what I said about being the leader here doesn't change. Sorry doesn't cut it. You're going to train your ass off on that machine. You're going to get strong, and then we'll crush them all. You got that?"

"You can count on it," Daniel returned. Joe breathed a sigh of relief and followed Tetsuya. Jun looked at the prince and once again grabbed onto his arm. "I have to do this, Jun," he said, before she'd even said a word.

"I know," she replied. "You know... when we're out there... we have it in the back of our minds. Our teammates are dying. Our friends are dying out there. But we can't react. We only harden ourselves and continue to fight, and it hurts because you wonder... when I get back... will I be able to mourn, or will my humanity be closed off completely? I don't know, it just..."

Daniel put his free hand on top of hers, and she involuntarily blushed. "Just to be able to think that way..." he said. "That's proof enough."

Newmanistan

01-11-2008, 09:00

THE ROCKET REPORT

BIG D; BIG W

Glaycia- After a poor but victorious performance against Alversia, the Rockets were determined to get back on proper form for their game in Glaycia. This would be a much more formidable opponent as they’ve known of this nation’s trials and tribulations even though they have never faced them before. On their home turf, it was a danger game. Glaycia, too, is looking to advance to the World Cup but their campaign has not gotten off to a good start. They had won just once in their first five games, so either they were struggling or very, very due.

Glaycia did their best to get the homeowon fans cheering by pushing the pace in a very aggressive fashion. The intention here may also have been to test Chris Kusler, who is in his second game filling in for the injured Corey Hennis, who will not return for this World Cup Cycle. But Kusler was up for it, and he got great defensive work in front of him as well. Jeremy Brooker was on top form, shutting down Glaycia’s most feared offensive threat everytime he got close to even thinking about getting a shot off. Jeremy effectively performed as his shadow all game long. Then there was Scott LaFave, who after scoring his first interregional goal in the last game, seemed to be playing at an all time high level of confidence, and was also brilliant. Tony Borsinger and Michael Harrison also stepped up and made the plays when they needed to. As good as a defense is, they’re not going keep all shots from getting on net, so when Glaycia was able to get some shots, Chris Kusler was able to stop them. All goalkeepers have their different tendencies, and right away we are seeing what makes Kusler a bit different then Corey Hennis. While Hennis relies more on solid positioning and reflexes, Kusler is very acrobatic. Glaycia had a possession advantage of 57-43 in the first half, but for Newmanistan, that was a confident 43, and in fact those numbers probably surprised Brian Carson when we saw them at intermission. We were scoreless at the break and even though Glaycia appeared to be outplaying Newmanistan, this wasn’t necessarily the case. The great defensive positioning could give the argument to many that the Rockets were the better team.

Still, you can’t play like this forever and expect to get three points that you really need. At halftime, Carson commended the work of his defense and the midfielders also can’t be overlooked here. The front end was quiet with Newmanistan only registering two official shots on target in the opening half, and neither of them posed much a challenge for the Glaycian keeper. After a passionate speech by Carson as well as by Jeremy Brooker, the Rockets went with the plan of turning on the jets around the 55 minute mark, after the contained the predicted Glaycia second half opening rush.

The first ten minutes of the second half went the way the Newmanistan felt it would. Glaycia being aggressive, forcing the Rockets to stay in a defensive mode, but make important defensive plays. They frustrated the home team with their position as these four defenders were just as strong as they were earlier in the match. Then, the Rockets gradually attempted to take control, and it was as expected, around the 55th minute where you could see a definite turn in events. Newmanistan now had the momentum and was going on the offense. Glaycia tried to prepare for this, and did a pretty good job holding them off. Alex Parnett got a great chance in 67th minute but was denied by the keeper. Then Shawn Drummond, playing in this 100th interregional cap tonight, was just an inch or two wide on a shot that had the keeper beat in the 73rd. The pressure was on, and it could be felt by Glaycia who attempted to make defensive substitutions with a focus of more preserving a 0-0 draw instead of pushing for the win. The sky blue and white were all over them, then in the 85th minute, it happened, and no one really should have been survived. A pretty individual effort by Jeremy McAllister, who had not scored in the last three games, got around two tiring defenders, and a confused third before having a prime chance and he buried it! A goal worth three points, and the Rockets would seal the game off with a victory. With the win, Newmanistan has a decent record of 3-1-2, but is in fourth place in Group 8, two points behind Lovisa, and three behind Dancougar. Newmanistan’s next game is against Dancougar and the two nations have a pretty deep history with one another. Newmanistan won a friendly with the Black Wings earlier in Dancougar, and are 2-0-0 in their two meetings played in the country. Overall, Newmanistan leads the series 3-0-2. It is the first “non-friendly” between the two since they met in the semifinals of the 6th Oxen Cup (won by Newmanistan). The game is will be must-see TV.

Post Game Comments:

Carson: “There will be some people who will look at our effort and be a little disappointed, but even though Glaycia had more possession in the first half, most of that was in harmless areas. Our positioning in the back was stellar, and we came on pretty strong at the end to get a win that we had to have.”

Kusler: “Like what coach said, I benefitted from great play from my teammates in front of me, who rose up to the challenge. I saw all the Glaycia shots very well, and had plenty of time to react accordingly thanks to their great play.”

Brooker: “As a team we are excited about having gotten the two consecutive clean sheets and if there was any doubt that we could continue on after losing Corey (Hennis), I think that Cousin Kusler has answered those doubts. He is very calm back there, but he also directs traffic well. We haven’t had to make any adjustments getting used to him. He is a leader, and all of us have certainly benefitted just by the simple fact that he’s spent a lot of time as a backup with us. So we do know him.” (Brooker also named man of the match)

Drummond (on his 100th cap): “Happy to get it, obviously. There aren’t a lot of people out there that can say they got to 100 games at this level, and I am honored to be one of them. It was important for us to win the game too, and we did.”

McAllister: “I don’t have much more to add other then what’s already been said. I know that it may not have seemed as we were in control of this match, but we feel we played an outstanding game tonight. We shined in the back end. Brooks, Scotty, Harry, and Borse (nicknames: Brooker, LaFave, Harrison, and Borsinger) were amazing. Sure we would have liked to score more goals, that goes without saying, but we got one more then them, thankfully.”

NEWMANISTAN 1
McAllister (85')

GLAYCIA 0

Greal

01-11-2008, 09:13

The Archregimancy

01-11-2008, 10:39

THE EPISTLES OF POLYCARP

The Second Letter of Polycarp to Meletius

To the Servant of Christ Meletius: greetings

My dear brother, no doubt you join us in celebrating the Archregimancy's recent victories against Valetaland and Onimar without conceding a goal to the Godless heathens, though the defence of the latter nation did prove surprisingly hard to break down.

Having obtained good proof that your mind is fixed in God as upon an immoveable rock, I loudly glorify His name that I have been thought worthy to write to you again! I again entreat you, by the grace with which you are clothed, to press forward in your course to convert the nation of Sorthern Northland, and to exhort all that they may be saved. Maintain your position with all care, both in the flesh and spirit. Have a regard to preserve unity, than which nothing is better. Bear with all, even as the Lord does with you. Support all in love, as also you do. Give yourself to prayer without ceasing. Implore additional understanding to what you already have. Be watchful, possessing a sleepless spirit. Speak to every man and woman separately, as God enables you. Bear the infirmities of all, as being a perfect athlete in the Christian life is a most beneficial course; as our national team has proved: where the labour is great, the gain is all the more.

I write to you today with the glorious news that the island micro-nation of An Blascaod Mór - which must have been much in your news for the match against Sorthern Northland last night - has offered the use of the caves in the small uninhabited skerries off its shores as Orthodox hermitages to any ascetic monks from Sorthern Northland who might be seeking a life of silent contemplation and prayer.

I urge you in all due Christian humility to take advantage of this offer, that you might show the militant heathens the glory of the One True Church.

Yours in Christ

Fr. Polycarp the Venerable
First Hierarch of the World Cup Committee

The Second Letter of Polycarp to An Blascaod Mór

To the Cute Little Windswept Island Nation of An Blascaod Mór: greetings

I do apologise for mistaking your nation of Catholic schismatics for militant atheists. An easy mistake, to be sure (see, I'm even picking up some of your cute little colloquialisms!), but I readily concede that it's preferable to be Christian - however mistaken theologically - than atheist.

I fully support your decision not to keep a full time Catholic priest on your island; when they're not perverting innocent little children, they tend to be sodomising demon-loving freemasons, and I'm sure that neither of these are activities you would like to encourage. Perhaps you should consider the Orthodox church, as our parish priests are allowed to marry, and therefore do not have to channel their sexuality into... unhealthy directions.

Yours in Christ

Fr. Polycarp the Venerable
First Hierarch of the World Cup Committee

Alasdair I Frosticus

01-11-2008, 10:53

URKES MYSTERY DEEPENS
Imperial Paparazzi Baffled By Inability to Photograph Forward

By Anna Comneno
Football Correspondent

Another qualifying match for the Holy Empire, another brace from green-skinned star Urko Urkes, another victory - this time over group bottom feeders Cokenia. Whoever he is, Urkes continues to prove himself the hottest thing in Imperial football since Tzimisces in his prime. The match against Qazox, where Urkes single-handedly destroyed the group's top-ranked team in the opening five minutes, has only added to the mystery star's legend.

Continued attempts by this reporter to find even the teensiest scrap of documentation revealing something about Urkes origins have uncovered nothing. Admittedly a paper trail means little in the Dreamed Realm - where reality is malleable and time non-linear, documentary research is always going to be tricky - but to find absolutely nothing, to meet such continued stonewalling from the various offices of ISPI.... well, that's essentially unprecedented for anyone not trying to investigate the Oneiromancer cult.

Meanwhile, a new Urkes mystery has reared its head following reports that Imperial paparazzi have been completely unable to photograph Urkes before, after, or even during a match. Every photograph they take of the goal-scoring sensation merely has a green blob where Urkes should be. No single individual should be able to impact reality on such a widespread yet specific scale, even in the Empire. Is Urkes getting protection from a higher level? If so, why?

Even Ordinary Reality nations are beginning to notice the Urkes conundrum, with reports in the Qazox media describing him as 'out of this world' on several levels.

Secristan

01-11-2008, 11:15

NATION EXCITED FOR JERUSELEM

Last night, the Millionaires had a disappointing 1-1 draw against Chutnusak, a team they had destroyed in the Baptism of Fire. Obviously, the team looked past them and more towards Jeruselem. And as fans, you better not blame them for doing this, because so did you. Purchases of the pay-per-view telecast against Chutnusak, despite being priced as the cheapest one in qualifying, were by far the lowest of any of our games. So, no whining from any of you that they cared more about Jeruselem. Just look in the mirror at yourself. The average bid price per seat for the game was a pathetic 24R.

Up next for our beloved Millionaires in qualifying is the match against Jeruselem at home which is by far the featured match on our schedule. Not because the game is seen as winnable or anything. In fact, we know it’s more then probable to end in a loss. What this game is, is the biggest moneymaker for the Secristan Department of Sports. Not only is Jeruselem the 11th ranked team in the world, but they are a team of high profile. A nation who’s players are quite well known to the entire world. Some are better players then others, but some are extremely marketable. Marketable will always trump Talent in Secristan. Always. After the game, it is expected that several well known corporations have worked out arrangements for members of the Jeruselem squad to appear in their advertisements, again proving how not only are they good on the field, they are ideal in the business world as well.

To make this more of an event and not just a game, several corporations have stepped up and are offering contests to generate revenue and publicity for themselves but at the same time give lucky winners some pretty awesome prizes! Here are just some of the contests that will be taking place.

Salad Eating Contest- Entry fee: 20R, Grand Prize 5000R. Fans will be disappointed to know that this contest is a simple contest sponsored by Donato’s Organic Lettuce to see who can get a bowl of salad the quickest. Any fan who may have thought this entailed eating any other “Sallads” will be left shaking their heads at their dirty minds.

Get Well Soon Card- 2R per word, max 50 words. A giant get well soon card will be displayed for Sadie Dallas, who will be unable to play in this game due to her injury. This is unfortunate, because she has some very marketable talents. There’s no grand prize here, unless you think you can write a good enough note to end with a future date. Of course, this is done with the good intentions by Hilton Cards, the leading such card maker in the country and not as a publicity stint. Of course not.

Panther Motor Company Raffle- 10R per entry. Unlimited entries per person accepted. The Panther Motor Company has made an agreement with Kate Sallad, Dazzarina Intern, Jacinta Sallad, and Beth Bootin to appear in an advertisement where they will be passengers in the new 500 SX from PMC, an expensive convertible hitting the sales floor for the first time this year. The winner? The winner gets to drive the car in the advertisement. They get the car too, but not quite sure which would be seen as the greater prize.

TransIsland Airways Raffle- 20R per entry. TransIsland Airways is offering a raffle in which the winner and three friends will receive round trip airfare and hotel accommodations (for five days so they will also be able to experience Jeruselem in addition) to our game against the Princesses in Jeruselem at the end of qualifying. Rumors are that Jacinta Sallad will hand deliver the tickets to the fan, but this is not confirmed.

Other small contests will take place as well.

Jeruselem

01-11-2008, 11:47

Jeruselem Government News

Princess Marie sinks Septentrionia

World Cup 43 match day 6 ...

Septentrionia same to Jeruselem hoping they could beat the Princesses at Dazza Dallas Stadium. However, Jeruselem's patchy form away does not apply to Dazza Dallas Stadium. It's always been a fortress for our team.

First, in Group 3 Jeru FC sank 1-2 to The Macabees. Ryan Greenly's team underperformed today, not giving fellow Jewbees a real challenge. Jeru FC who had 3rd spot sank to 5th and are in trouble with just 8 games left in qualification. When asked about the team's performances, the coach said
"I've noticed they try hard, but don't have skills I was expecting. The team is doing it's best and they don't seem to be as fit as they were last cup. I train them hard and try to make them keep up condition but they aren't performing as I want. The team said they weren't at full condition since for some reason the army put them through some hard desert training recently. I don't have say when they do training. They seem a bit tired and not too fit after a full game."

Merginn's team of Southern Northlanders marched (or is that drank on) taking care of An Blascaod Mór FIVE ONE. SN have been a bit like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. They either win or lose, and tend to lose to lower teams not good ones. Still, Merginn and SN get on well - doing well so far.

Now to Jeruselem. The Princesses met Septentrionia at home. Septentrionia have a dislike for Sallads and Dallases. There's two of each in the Jeruselem team with Sadie Dallas replaced with our own Princess Marie-Antoinette Dallas.

Septentrionia lead our team early taking a 2-1 lead in half time. Jacinta Sallad was missing from the defense due to a back issue. Despite the best efforts of a make-shift Jeruselem defense, Septentrionia hit the mark twice despite Kylie Sho pulling a goal back.

The Princesses needed goals and they came from a real Princess despite her actually being a defender. Flak Sho provided a pass to Marie who was wearing the number 13 worn by Kate and Dazza Dallas. She scored the equaliser running past the Septentrionia defense, streaking down the field like lightning. The Jeruselem attack hit the post a few times and the keeper kept the scores even with time running out. Sally Kool pumped in a corner, with a diving Marie hitting the header right to evade the keeper. Jeruselem winning 3-2 with our Princess saving the Princesses.

Kenavt's magic ran out when KaMaRi hit them down 1-0. Kura-Pelland rolled on with an easy TWO NIL win over Deceased Writers Guild. Secristan had trouble with Chutnusak ONE ALL. Group 9 is looking like it should with the lower teams starting to find out the reality of situation.

KP are heading the group with Jeruselem right behind them in 2nd. Kenavt drift to 3rd with KaMaRi creeping up too. Septentrionia in 6th are below Secristan who hold 5th. Jeruselem play Secristan next away in another big test of Jeruselem's away form but Jeruselem have three game winning streak going now.

Group 3
The Macabees 2-1 Jeru FC

Group 7
Sorthern Northland 5-1 An Blascaod Mór

Group 9
KaMaRi 1-0 Kenavt
Kura-Pelland 2-0 Deceased Writers Guild
Secristan 1-1 Chutnusak
Jeruselem 3-2 Septentrionia

West Zirconia

01-11-2008, 13:24

A second defeat of the qualifying campaign saw West Zirconia slump to fifth in the table, following their 3-1 defeat at Prux.

Steve Griffiths' return from suspension caused Roy Hazell some concern over selection, given the excellent start Alun Lydiate has made to his international career, but in the end Hazell decided experience would be an asset in this game. He also replaced Russell Munro with Mike Faulkner after the former's disastrous performance at Thoughts of Randomness.

Being brutally honest, West Zirconia were never in the game. Zombie Ronaldo was particularly lively, and opened the scoring after just seven minutes, doubling the lead just eight minutes later. Only the brave defending of Lewis Fox and Mike Faulkner prevented the score from becoming even more embarrassing.

In the fortieth minute, however, Fox was to let his team down immensely. As Zombie Zinedine Zidane ran through the defence, almost certain of another goal, Fox slid in for a very late challenge which sent Zidane flying. The referee had no option but to send Fox off, and Ronaldo scored from the resulting free kick.

Steve Griffiths came off at half-time, as Hazell gave Russell Munro a second chance. From then on it was quite a boring game, as West Zirconia played all-out defence to lessen the damage. However, they did make one excursion into the Prux half - and scored with it. Paul Paterson hoofed the ball to the other end of the field, only for Zombie Oliver Kahn to miss it completely. Martin Forster saw the keeper stranded, and sprinted in to take advantage.

If only West Zirconian games could be interesting for the right reasons. This performance could best be described as shambolic, and they have a lot of work to do before their next game, when they meet Yafor 2 in Banks.

Prux: Kahn, Materazzi, Beckenbauer, Ramos, Facchetti, Matthäus, Maradona, Pelé, Ronaldo, Fontaine, Zidane.

West Zirconia: Gray, Phillips (c), Fox, Faulkner, Paterson, Hawthorne, Williams, French, McGowan, Forster, Griffiths (Munro 45).

Goals: Prux - Ronaldo (7, 15, 40). West Zirconia - Forster (61)
Sending-off: West Zirconia - Fox (40)

Cassadaigua

01-11-2008, 14:11

Courtney’s Space

After the game, you would think that we were all going nuts. Maybe we did a little bit, but coach Michelle Baynes toned down the celebration pretty quickly. We had shocked Candelaria And Marquez by the score of 1-0 and post game reporters were trying to get us to talk about the standings, wondering if something special could be brewing here. Michelle did something that only a coach could get away with in the locker room when a reporter handed her in the updated Group 10 standings. She took the paper and ripped it up. “This means nothing.” She told the reporters about the group table after the sixth game. When they pressed her to talk about them her response was a simple, “We’re the sixth ranked team in the group.” and that was all. The reporters seemed confused as they left, but we all understood the message that Michelle was giving because we know her style. The message is clear: Yes it was an upset win. But we’re still underdogs, we’re still a newcomer in an established competition, and there’s still a lot of soccer left to be played. The ripping up of the group standings was symbolic. We can’t think like a second place team. We can’t think about streaks and starting thinking we have an edge on people, because we don’t. We’re still the sixth ranked team in the group. We’re still going into every game as an underdog, an underdog that must work hard and do the little things to get points and get wins. It settled us down quickly. It wasn’t one of those crazy scenes you may see after a big upset on TV. We gave high-fives, we were happy, but we focused on our next opponent now. Qualifying is a fourteen game journey, not a six-game sprint and our schedule does call for six of our final seven games to be on the road. Michelle delivered the message beautifully. Coaching genius, in my opinion. We made a pact before we broke up the meeting. No talking about the group standings until matchday 14 at the earliest. Until then, we are in last place.

I was looking forward to the game against Candelaria And Marquez. They have a great team there, and it’s a nice country to go visit. Since I play for Tenderville now, it is my goal to play in their premier league, which would be a great thrill. We need to get Tenderville promoted first. The game then represented a chance for me to play against people that I will become more accustomed to, perhaps, in my professional career. It was a special challenge because of that. Given all that, this game was never going to be about me. Rachel Terry and our excellent defense would be the ones deserving the credit once again for their fine efforts. We have done a great job early on here with our defensive commitment. Michelle Fuller continues to show why she was signed to play overseas. Rachel Terry was quite amazing. Matteo Corradini did his best to create opportunities both for himself and for his teammates, and we did a great job against him, and I think we frustrated him a little bit. I know that he was pretty annoyed at Christine Scott’s 44th minute tackle on him. Tom Smith we seemed pretty well in containing during the match, it was really just that amazing 58th minute save that Terry had on him that he made our hearts skip a beat. We had some chances ourselves but the Big Blues were very tough to penetrate through their midfield. We were smart not to force anything that wasn’t there. In the 71st minute we got our break thank to a nice long ball that Michelle Fuller delivered. I had snuck behind most of their defense, but with Steven Williams playing back, I was safe not to be offsides. Michelle’s pass was perfect and I had to get by Williams first. I managed that and was in on Sbaiz. Not knowing at the time that he actually plays in Yafor 2, I told myself, “Courtney, let’s show this guy what he’ll see if Tenderville gets promoted.” One quick look at eyes to sense which way he would lean and I fired the shot. A goal! Yes! We celebrated a bit but we had time left to finish off, and they were some tough minutes because the Big Blues brought everything they could. Victory!

Newmanistan

01-11-2008, 15:36

(Setting: Jeremy McAllister’s hotel room with wife Ashley, and debuting for the very first time...... 3-year old JUNIOR!! That would be Jeremy McAllister, Jr, born 9 months after the Rockets won the Cup of Harmony!)

Ashley: I’m so excited that we finally have brought Junior on a road trip like this. I think he really likes it Dancougar.

Jeremy: Where are you, Junior?

Junior: Hotel!!

(Ashley & Jeremy laugh)

Ashley: What’s the name of this country? It’s not Newmanistan is it?

Junior: No not Newmanistan....

Jeremy: Remember what we said... It starts with a D, daa....

Junior: D- D- Van... cou...ver!

Ashley: Close enough! Do you like Dancougar so far?

Junior: I want Eh-wik-uh!

Ashley: (laughs) Well Daddy has to watch important tapes about football so he is ready for his big game.

Junior: Eh-wik-uh! I want Eh-wik-uh!

Jeremy: What’s Ehwikuh?

Ashley: He’s talking about that show Pretty Sportsmen Erika that’s popular here. He watched it when you were training and he thought it was funny.

Jeremy: We got to work on his taste of television programs.

Ashley: Tell me about it.

Jeremy: I never understood how that show got so popular.

Ashley: Me neither.

Junior: Daddy who dat on TV.

Jeremy: Those are Dancougar players. I am watching tapes of them so I can have as much information as I can about them so I can beat them and score a lot of goals!

Junior: Who dat guy?

Jeremy: That’s Casey Berber.

Junior: Ber....ber.... Ber....ber

Ashley: You like his name?

Junior: (shouting) Berberberberberberberberberberberberber!!

Jeremy: Casey Berber is a very very good football player.

Junior: Is he better den you?

Ashley: There’s a loaded question for you! Don’t you just love kids?

Jeremy: (laughs) He won’t be when we play tonight!

Junior: Yay!!

Jeremy: You wanna know a secret about Casey Berber?

Junior: Yay secret!

Jeremy: Casey really plays for a team in Newmanistan.

Junior: So why he play for Van... Dan...koo..gerrr and not for our team.

Jeremy: Because he was born in Dancougar. People play for the country they were born in.

Ashley: Usually.

Jeremy: Yes but we don’t need to get into all the technicalities.

Junior: So why he play for team in Newmanistan if he born in Dan..koo...gerr.

Ashley: Your so full of questions today!

Jeremy: Well when Casey was younger a team in Newmanistan noticed him before Dancougar teams noticed him and offered to give him a lot of money.

Junior: Cool!

Jeremy: I have another secret about Casey....

Junior: What?

Jeremy: When he (tactical tip censored).

Junior: Cool!

Ashley: You know how Daddy knew that? Because he was watching the TV.

Junior: TV make you smart!

Jeremy: You want to be smarter?

Junior: Yeah.

Jeremy: Come here and sit next to me and we’ll watch this tape together and I’ll show you other secrets about other players.

Junior: Yay!

(Junior sits down next to Jeremy, as Ashley takes a picture.)

Junior: Daddy?

Jeremy: Yes, son?

Junior: I wanna be a football player just like you.

Jeremy: You will son, you will.

Ashley: One day you’ll pick right up where Daddy left off. (Hugs them both)

Jeruselem

01-11-2008, 16:54

Sadie Dallas was sitting in her wheelchair at home watching Naked News Jeruselem as her auntie Fiskin making lunch. Pictures of her mother Rashina Dallas as well as other Dallases hung on the wall. Since she had broken her leg, she was on leave from the army and any World Cup duties. Two military police knocked on the door ...

Fiskin: Hello?
MP1: We're after Captain Celina Sadie Dallas.
Fiskin: She's here, but what's the problem.
MP1: She's supposed to be at Officer Refresher Training this week.

Fiskin: For God's sake, she's on official leave because she's got a broken leg.
MP2: That wasn't on our records ...
Fiskin: What you do mean you don't bloody know? Look at her, she's in a wheelchair and can't use of her legs.
MP1: You sure she's not pretending?

Fiskin: Listen up, I'm an ex-World Cup player. She's not pretending to have a broken leg. I've had one, it's not a lot of fun. Stop hassling her.
MP2: We'd better check our paperwork again.
MP1: I'm sure we were supposed to check up on Sadie here ...
MP2: Let me see that.

Fiskin: I'm sure you've got the wrong bloody person. Sadie is too stupid to fake an injury.
MP2: This says ... Sadie Celina Palace.
MP1: Oh great ... whoops!
MP2: You idiot! Err sorry Fiskin, numbskull can't read.

MP1: How come she's Sadie when she's Celina?
Fiskin: Sadie is a shorter word. She's not very bright.
MP1: Sorry about the hassle, we'd better go to the right person.
MP2: God damn, the boss won't be too happy.

MP1: I don't think we want an incident here.
MP2: OK, we're going. We'll get that Sadie Celine Palace.
Fiskin: You two aren't much better than Sadie.
MP2: We all make mistakes, the names were very similar.

Fiskin: Well, Sadie isn't going anywhere for a while.
MP2: What's she watching?
Fiskin: Naked News Jeruselem.
MP1: We aren't allowed to watch that for some stupid reason. Something about naked people and decency.

Fiskin: How come you lot have images of Dazza, Kate, Jacinta or Marie nude all over the place then?
MP2: Oh, that's different. That's patriotism
Fiskin: You lot are weird.
MP1: That's the Jeruselem army for you.

Rennidan

01-11-2008, 16:56

The underdogs.

Suprisingly enough, it's the title the world once gave the Rennidan Eagles.

And they ended up making it to the finals of the Cup of Harmony.

Boy oh boy, did that boost their standings in the world.

Depending who you talk too, Rennidan have gone from last to 30th in the world in just a few years.

That's no mean feat.

So, as you can understand, the Eagles are now very anxious to play Cassadaigua.

As a team that kicked off as underdogs, they know the risk that comes with playing such a team.

It's a lesson Candelaria and Marquez learned when Cassadaigua whooped them 1-0.

And, hopefully, it's a lesson the Eagles will pay heed to.

_________

http://i280.photobucket.com/albums/kk176/rennidan/Untitled-2.png

Off To The Land of Ladies

I know, I know the title is a little off. Cassadaigua isn't a real 'land of ladies'. In fact, 35% of their population is male. But that's still a good percentage for any red blooded male who's planning on going abroad for Rennidan's away game this upcoming matchday.

But it's not the gender percentiles or whatever that have me interested in this upcoming game. It's the fact tha I've just finished watching the highlights from Cassadaigua's close call win against our rivals Candaleria and Marquez.

That means bragging rights are now on the table.

If we can clinch a win past the girls of Cassadaigua, we'll have claimed a victory over the lasses that have caused the lads of C&M to break down.

It's a big game for us.

And I'm just thankful I'm getting paid to see it.

Candelaria And Marquez

01-11-2008, 18:54

“…ell you what, mate, they are jus’ totally gaggi–”

“Well yes, the travelling C&M supporters are certainly enjoying themselves out there, we can hear, Pip; but for the players this has to go down as a pretty shattering result, doesn’t it?”

“Absolutely, Anna: there’s no pressure on Kris Healy just yet, but no-one can argue that the Big Blues have looked anywhere close to their best during this campaign; and that Starblaydia game looks longer and longer ago all the time.”

“Technically, it would do. Pillock.”

“…tainly had the bulk of the possession, but that doesn’t necessarily translate to good chances. Quite the reverse – Dionísio and Kortsarian both had first-half openings that they should really have put away, but the visitors were otherwise extremely quiet, with Tom Smith pretty much limited to a single shot on target, on fifty-eight minutes, superbly tipped around the post by Cassadaiguan ‘keeper Rachel Terry. She’ll certainly be one player raising eyebrows at CMSC1 clubs in the offing for a new number one by next season, but she’s far from the only one – and Courtney Ferguson proved in ebullient style that she’s much more than a CMSC2 finisher. Though she was only granted one real cast-iron opportunity, Ferguson proved more than a match for Steven Williams on the seventy-first minute, and on that form Tenderville are going to have no worries about making their Candelariasian top-flight debut in ecs-ecs-ecs-eye-eye. After that, it was back to the same old midfield slog that had characterised the first seventy minutes but, unlike against Saturday Sport, the introduction of Robin Jacobs simply couldn’t turn things around for the visitors. It finishes here at the Concord Heights Stadium, Cassadaigua one, C&M nil.”

“Clearly they’re a rapidly developing side, Pip, but this is still as massive disappointment, isn’t it?”

“It really is, Anna, and it leaves Healy with an awful lot of questions ahead of the return home. Colbourne simply shouldn’t be a problem for any top-thirty side, but can the manager really afford to stick with a formation that simply isn’t working this time around. Dionísio looks flat, and Jack Marshall could make a start at his home stadium in El din, but does Cohen return after injury, and who makes way? Corradini gave us nothing going forward, there was yet another incident with him as well, this time involving Christine Scott, and you have to wonder if he’s simply a liability now. And biggest of all – Smith’s form domestically has improved to no end over the last couple of weeks, but he’s just poor in blue right now. Well, at the moment his most plausible replacement would be Abdul Ibadulla, and I caught up with the Juavi FC forward a little after the final whisAbdul, you got five minutes out there, no doubt you’d like more – How frustrating is it, as a striker, sitting on the bench during games like this?”

“Er, yeah… Yeah, no, course it is. I mean, I’m not an out-and-out goalscorer, I understand my place in the gaffer’s tactical plans, but obviously, y’know, you want t’be playing. I’ll get my chance though, y’know, when Kris decides that the time is right.”

“And that may well be against Colbourne, if we’re to believe what we hear.”

“Nah, I mean, I’m sure the gaffer hasn’t made up his mind on that account yet. Um, y’know, I’ll grasp my chance when I ge–”

“A-hem?”

“…ut for now, y’know, I’ve just got t’keep working hard in training, and…”

“Domestically, obviously it’s the EPL off-season right now, but we saw you in that charity game the other week. A sparkling performance, and many are naming you now as the man to lift Juavi’s fortunes…”

“Yeah, um, y’know, it’s great to have that kind of recognition… It’s a learning curve out there, o’course, um, a very… different country, y’know–”

“Ha!”

“Um… Sir? Ahem?”

“…ping as a player, y’know, so I’ve just got to thank Marco Defoe for that, he’s the… er… man to get us back to whe–”

With a reluctant swish of his right arm, the young man squished into a corner of Finnegan’s Wok silently reached out and paused Abdul Ibadulla in mid-flow. He remained otherwise in place however, squinting at the little window on the laptop that had become, over the last half an hour, a permanent fixture of the restaurant.

Seamus coughed. “Sir, Chef would rather like to know wheth–”

A swish of the left arm silenced the waiter, who stared down at the empty plate now resting under his nose.

“Um.”

“About time for another complementary blaa, wouldn’t you say?”

“Sir, I can bring you another menu if you’ve mislaid the last one again?”

“Yes. Please do. Slippery little beggars, you can’t take your eyes off ‘em.” He moved to unpause Abdul.

“Only, I watched you slide the previous three down the back of the radiator. It’s just that, y’know, if Chef says you’re not actually going to buy anything, perha–”

“A could murder a mineral water?”

“Um. We’ve got Guinness?” Seamus proffered hopefully. “Or Sanghae Beer, I guess.” The other man seemed noncommittal. “The house white wine has fruity notes…?”

“I’ll pass, if it’s all the same to you. I’m trying to keep my wits about me.”

“Oh. Um. Why?”

“I’m working on the presumption that paranormally peculiar and other noteworthy events are statistically more likely to take place in oriental restaurants and similar outlets than just about anywhere else, and I want to be fully sober on the offchance that that comes to pass.”

Seamus sensibly took a step back before nodding slowly. “Well… I’ve worked here on and off for a while, sir. Nothing remotely interesting has ever happened here, so –”

“It might help if there was actually anyone here apart from you and I, kid. Suited gentleman muttering in an impenetrable tongue, a gurning old woman sitting in one corner and apparently dead to this realm. Or something.” He looked up at the waiter for this first time. “Business not great is it? Not much call for foodstuffs of a yellow persuasion out here in Irish Street, is there?”

Seamus shrugged and handed him a shiny new menu. “If you could please just make an order, or… Um. You know where the door is.”

The seated man gave him a grin. “Well then, lessee… Shrimp Platter. Jumbo shrimp served with vegetables… That’s a little vague, isn’t it? What vege–”

“Potatoes,” Seamus sighed. “Boiled cabbage if you’re very lucky, but it’s basically potatoes. And it’s basically all potatoes, sir, including the Mango Salad and the Moo Shu Pork, so let’s no bother with the clichéd rigmarole of discussing the potato-based nature of each and every dish, could we?”

The man beamed. “You’ll go far in the waitering world with an attitude like that, my boy! The use of ‘Fusion’ on your signage out front is a little misleading, though. Have you got anything vaguely Eastern around here, then?

“Our Seafood Special’s highly thought-of.”

“Bring on said dish then, young man! I look forward to finding out what’s so ‘special’ for my twenty-three rupees.”

Somewhat unavoidably, the special element of the Seafood Special turned out to be the absence of seafood, barring a lone scallop lodged in a potato and smirking in an upwards direction. Seamus placed the plates down with great care, and watched as the customer carefully shifted them to one side and replaced his laptop once more at the centre of the table. The video player buffered, and Abdul disappeared to be replaced by highlights – if any Candelariasian could possibly call them that – of the Cassadaigua game.

“Rubbish, wasn’t it?”

The man dragged himself away from the screen with interest, and smiled at the lingering waiter. The boy had apparently decided that humouring the self-evidently insane punter was preferable to the washing-up.

“Awful. The other side weren’t bad, I suppose. Fair play to them. Don’t you think they’ve got every chance of qualifying now?”

Seamus shook his head. “No. Not on their first time. They’ve got a whole load of away games to come, and I can’t see them coming to Rennidan or Cafundéu and getting a result. Or us, for that matter. We’ll qualify, but only in third. Bloody Rennidanians. Our World Cup was a total fluke, I reckon, and they’ve just got to give Ibadulla a chance now. And keep Kortsarian for the next game, but I can’t see Healy doing that, not if it means leaving out Cohen. If it were me, I’d play both and drop Corradini, but that would be too big a call and he just doesn’t have the guts for that, to leave Albrecht FC without anyone in the first eleven.” The waiter paused, and blushed. “Um. Anyway, sir, are you going to tackle your scallop at all, or… ugh…”

“Ugh, indeed.”

“That’s terrible defending…”

“I fear our Stevie Double-U may be showing signs of old age at last.”

“Yeah. Um. Doesn’t it strike you as odd? Y’know, how they’re all girls, and that?”

It all came out in a rush, having clearly bothered the boy for quite some time.

“Indeed. Back in ze olt cundree, we had a pretty low tertiary sex ratio ourselves. Vodka, mostly. Migrant workers leaving for pastures new. Then the Macedonians came in and we all had to bugger off, but I definitely remember there being rather more women about than there had any right to be. But this lot… they’re summin’ else! Sixty-five percent women, apparently. Probably an institutional matriarchy. Pity, in a way. They could probably be world-class already if they permitted male players in the squad.”

Seamus frowned. “They said on the telly that they enter the men’s team into the Vermont regional tournament.”

“Yes, well. They say a lot of things on the telly. Or did it not also strike you as peculiar that we were previously playing – and struggling miserably, might I add – against a group of tech ops, producers and general radio station detritus on a tiny island, in international football? Or have They just given up trying to convince us that that sort of thing just doesn’t happen in the real world?”

The boy coughed nervously, and bent low over the scallop. “You know that there was a gorilla refereeing the Rushmori Cup game, don’t you? He stole our goalkeeper, for a bit.”

His companion glanced up sharply. “No. I did not know that.” He flashed Seamus an enigmatic smile and held out a hand. Seamus took it reluctantly. “Igor Melbardis.”

“Um. Seamus Zheng.”

“So, tell me, dear boy… How did you come to hear of this ‘gorilla’?”

Seamus struck a more authoritative pose, bridling at the twentysomething man’s use of ‘boy’. “I was there. I’m a journalist. Sports reporting at the moment. Well, sort of.”

“Just getting into it, are you?” Suddenly, Igor reached out the other hand and clasped it tightly around Seamus’. “My advice? Don’t. Get out of it now.”

“I… Um.”

“You don’t want to be caught up in that life, trust me. Particularly a clever kid like you. There are worse fates than spending your entire life in the Present, one month for every one of everyone else’s year, your brain at the mercy of them and their damn devices, but I’d be hard pressed to list more than ten! Nah, be a pawn in their machinations, kid. Not just another battered cog in their machinery!”

“Um. Perhaps you’d be better off with the aromatic duck, I –”

“Two minutes saunter from here, Seamus, down Kerry Walk, there’s a gnome. An actual, proper gnome. Tell me, does that information make you happier, eh? Is that going to enrich your life, or just shatter everything you’ve ever believed in?”

Seamus frowned. “Mister Dashmu? Nah, he’s just a midget, I think, or –”

“A surprisingly large midget, don’t you think? As midgets go. No, he’s a gnome, Seamus, and a gnome in good standing. As it were. And he’s not the only one. Some in Songstress, some in Bramlive, would you believe. And up in Clotaire, and that’s a new one even on me.”

“Elves and goblins too, no doubt,” Seamus sneered.

“Ye-es… The goblins’re a complicated point. Ditto the elves, although if we’re talking about the traditional pointy-eared, thees and thous, variety – yeah. Quite a few. ‘Specially these days. Started with Roger Zetaback, y’see, down at Green Island…”

“Roger the Elf?” Seamus wondered, immediately regretting the unfortunate imagery. “He’s an Eesseffian, though! There’s been loads of World Cups there, and stuff, and I’m pretty sure I’ve never seen and elf or owt…”

“You’ve seen a gorilla referee a high-profile friendly international, and yet still you mock? Truly, living in this accurséd country rots your brain…”

Seamus paused wretchedly. “I… I’ve got cousins back in Rothsbere, y’know. They tell me things…”

“Probably best not to take the word of subrural Sortherners at face value, Seamus, but at least your eyes are a little more open that most of this country’s.” Ignor smiled again suddenly, and looked deep into the boy’s eyes. “Tell me, Seamus, how would you like to learn of the hidden mysteries of the worlds, and the dark heart of the Candelariasian state? How would you like to journey with me into the unknown, and – perhaps – carve your name forever into the anals of this land you now call home? Leave a life of a backstreet waiter behind, and take the first baby steps on the road to becoming a Legend!”

“Um. Yeah, I guess. Could I do it after school? I’ve got t’be here at weekends, else me dad’ll flip…”

Igor shrugged. “If you like. Time, sadly, is not my enemy.”

“Also, I’ve got band practise on Wednesdays, at the moment.”

“It’s good to have an instrument. I played the zither to quite a high standard as a boy.”

“Okay. Um, I’m still going to have to charge you for the Seafood Special…”

“It can’t be helped. Leave it for the rats, and tell Chef his scallop was divine,” Igor told him cheerfully, closing the lid of the laptop with a snap.

Dancougar

01-11-2008, 19:20

CRAIG: This telecast is brought to you on high definition on DSPN and DSPN-HD! (Explosive overdone graphical overload! DA NA NA NA!) Coming up on Sunday WCC Countdown, we break down what's poised to be a big day in Group 8. Teams will be moving apart or together in a a big way, as the top four are all in action against each other. The Rockets look to make it two in a row against the Black Wings. It's WCC Countdown... right now! (Theme music as the camera approaches the analysts' desk.) Welcome to Sunday WCC Countdown, nice to have you with us, joined as always by the crew - Mike Dyczko, Tony Travers, and Jack Thompson. Okay guys, big day today in Group 8, the schedules have blessed us with a pair of great games, we've got Newmanistan at Dancougar and Starblaydia at Lovisa.

JACK: And Craig, when I look at these matchups, Starblaydia is the only team that really hasn't had a big stumble so far. You have Lovisa picking up that loss to Glaycia and the Wings dropped one to Myedvedeya. But the key thing to look at for Newmanistan... they've already lost their home matches with Starblaydia and Lovisa. Given the nature of the table right now, they're going to be hard-pressed to get results against those two on the road. So they're looking at Dancougar saying, you know, we know this team, we can beat this team. The games with Dancougar might be the way to World Cup 43.

CRAIG: And we can't forget Da Bears, of course, who are jumping right back into the mix. So, how did we get here? Matchday six highlights, Dancougar on the road against Alversia! They've got a win and a loss in their two road matches so far, and will play four of their last seven on the road. (Highlights play with dramatic BGM as the guys do voiceover.) Shishio Jinguuji enters the game one goal shy of Hideo Ikeda's career mark of thirty, is this the day he makes history? Alversia, looking to avoid dropping two straight at home. First half, 15th minute, and the Wings get to work, it's all about the Benjamin Whittaker! The midfielder takes a crack, and it's pushed wide. 24th, another attack, and it's Shishio King of Bandits Jinguuji, aw, but he's offside!

TONY: And the defenders were holding a pretty high line all night, which can be dangerous, but the Alversian defense has really tightened up since that Lovisa game. Here you're going to see Jinguuji try to hold his run for Underwood to play him through, and Kevin just has to pull the trigger earlier than he does.

CRAIG: It's Hundred-Acre Underwood setting up another chance in the 30th, and this time he leaves it for Kazuki Midorikawa, but once again... sent right into the waiting hands of the Alversia 'keeper. Let's talk about the Wings on defense, now, and the Alversians were really focusing a lot on defense in this game and never pushed forward. But when they did, you had Casey Berber playing physical defense despite sitting on that yellow from the Myedvedeya game. Here's one chance that got through to Watanabe, but he scoops it up. He only had to make three saves in this game.

MIKE: And when you're a team in Alversia's position, your success starts off with good, solid defense. But you have to hand it to the Black Wings for doing the little things. Fight for free balls, make the extra pass in the back just to maintain possession. You keep them back in their shell and then they can't hurt you, and then you're free to chip away.

CRAIG: Minute 41, the Wings get the lead. Whittaker crosses it into the box, Jinguuji goes up to get the header, deflection, WHOOOOOP, and the clearance, swing and a miss, WHOOOOOP, it's finally poked to the top of the box but Lyle Dylandy is right there! Blasts it home, and it's 1-0, on the luck o' the Irish, Jack!

JACK: And it's a simple defensive breakdown; nobody gets a clean hit on that ball to clear it out. Dylandy makes a clean run on it, hits it well, and the goalkeeper was never stopping it.

CRAIG: His second goal of qualifying, third including friendlies. We go to the second half. Looking for a cushion, as Dan Potts gets through, looks far post... eeeeeeeh, it squeaks wide. Minute 59, and Midorikawa... stepover, gets around, the shot, save made. And the goalkeeper may be a mystery man, but he was pretty solid all night, nine saves for the big Alversian. Corner kick, Jinguuji header, over the bar. Missed opportunities maybe, but the best defense, guys, is possession in the opposing third. No more goals, but three more points, as the Black Wings take it 1-0. (Highlights end, and we're back to the studio.) So the Wings have now won both games following the loss to Myedvedeya, which is the right response.

MIKE: Absolutely, because this is a group where you have maybe five legitimate contenders for three spots, and that doesn't leave a lot of room for error. The Wings looked sluggish in the Myedvedeya game but have taken points at home from the group's big hitters, and you want them to have some momentum going into Newmanistan.

JACK: The finishing, maybe not so great against Alversia, but you saw the team, like Mike said, doing the little things right. Playing fundamentally solid football. And Solomon Bilbao, he's a college guy still getting adjusted, but he's the kind of guy who's made a living really melding players and turning raw talent into a refined package. Now, it's not like these guys need that kind of help, but even the pros do need reminding now and then. You bring that to practice, and it shows on the field.

CRAIG: Meanwhile! Three other matches in Group 8, and we'll give you the rundown in our abbreviated highlights package... The Fastest Ten Seconds! (The group laughs as highlight snippets play.) The Bostopian Empire at home to Lovisa, and poor Steve Bush has now ceded a group-high 22 goals... this is the game-winner here, a lovely volley in a 3-1 Lovisa win. Da Bears hosting the Purple People Eaters of Starblaydia, a matchup in the WCC Norris... the shot, the doink, the follow, the goal! 2-0, Purple! And last up, Glaycia hosting the Rockets. Nil-nil in the 85th, when J-Mac... would like fries with that! Big goal delivers the three points, Rockets win 1-0! (Highlight montage ends.) So you look at the table, it's pretty evenly spread, but big games today could close that up.

JACK: Absolutely, you have Lovisa and Starblaydia separated by four points and playing each other. Dancougar and Newmanistan are three points apart, so we could see the group polarize more or really get tight. Or a combination of both. Looking at the way things have gone, you have to give the edge to the home teams, in this case Lovisa and Dancougar. But the quality of the opponents could easily overcome that. Starblaydia are still unbeaten, and the Rockets... well, we know about them.

CRAIG: We do, Jack, and you may ask, now, where did this rivalry begin? They've been regular friendly opponents since World Cup 41, but it starts here in Oxen Cup VI. We dug into the archives for this one! (Old highlights play!) Dancougar and Newmanistan, and a lot of young faces in this one that you'll recognize. Captain Kevin Underwood! Fresh off his appearance on the World Cup 40 team, the summer after his junior year at the University of Lunarossa under... coach Solomon Bilbao. Minute 36, with the Wings leading 1-0, look at a young Casey Berber! A 35-yard cannon, he had just finished as a sophomore at Pollock!

TONY: Woooooooo!!

CRAIG: The monster shot beats Kevin Dalton, who is now an assistant coach for the Rockets. Right before halftime, though, the Rockets climb back into the game. The legendary number 43 Kevin Lewis beats the offside trap! Second half, Lenny Manchester goal for the Black Wings... and that's a guy we haven't heard much of since this tournament.

JACK: He and a lot of guys used the Oxen Cup to jump into the Daehanjeiguk league. He's had no call-ups since then, but that's not to say he hasn't been playing solid football.

CRAIG: The Rockets got goals from current reserve Julie McElroy, another from Kevin Lewis, but the Black Wings get the win! Peterson tries a little square ball, and it's in~ta~cepted, Mike Tuscany! Pass to Greg Littlefield, and he could... go... all... the... way! Goal, 4-3, and Dancougar wins a first round thriller. Ah, but the Rockets would get sweeter revenge. Semifinals of the same tournament! Rockets take the early lead. Julie McElroy, Saotome gets a leg out... eeeeeeeh, it's an own goal, guys.

MIKE: And it's not fair to Ryu Saotome, big central defender, who almost always, always has this goal mentioned when someone talks about him. He's not a bad player, currently with Coraopolis in the D-League, and hey, he played in the last World Cup, too.

CRAIG: Manchester levels on the hour, but the game-winner falls to Kevin Lewis! How about those Rockets? They made their World Cup debut right before this tournament, the same one where the Wings went to the quarterfinals, but they beat the college all-stars to get to the Oxen Cup final. (Highlights end.) And guys, that goes back to a time when you could always put money on Newmanistan reaching the championship game of anything not called the World Cup, and then losing.

MIKE: Proud sporting nation, though.

CRAIG: So that brings us to today. This is the first game between the teams that has quote, unquote, mattered, since those Oxen Cup games about, oh, seven or eight years ago by Dancougar reckoning. And there are a lot of familiar faces from those teams, as both countries have used the tournament as an opportunity to try out new guys. For the Wings... Casey Berber, Sho Yukikaze, Lyle Dylandy, Anthony Ingram, Kevin Underwood, Paul Dinsmoor, and Dan Potts.

TONY: Yeah, you have a lot of starters today on that team. Guys like Berber, Dylandy, and Underwood are the leaders now, and Dan Potts has come on strong since joining the D-League after that tournament. All of them are wiser, now, having played the game at a high level.

CRAIG: From the Rockets, not as many guys, as they're Di Bradini regulars, but still, you see some familiar faces. You have Dalton on the sidelines, now, and Julie McElroy is still on the team. Brett Prescott, you can't talk about the Rockets without mentioning that guy, he's still here. And goalkeeper Chris Kusler, a backup on the Oxen Cup team, a backup on the World Cup 43 team... until now. Hennis is done, he's hurt, so Kusler is between the pipes for the Rockets. How does this affect the team, you think?

JACK: I don't think it's too serious. Kusler has proven himself to be a quality 'keeper, he played in Oxen Cup VIII. It's a real toss-up for the manager, who went with experience in Hennis, but Kusler should be able to come right in and keep that defense together.

MIKE: Absolutely, Jack, and you look at how he's come in and helped the team get results. Two straight 1-0 wins for the team, but tonight, I think he faces his first real test in the Dancougar Black Wings. Their offense has done well at home, eleven goals in three matches, but the Rockets are a package deal. Kusler can count on his defense and midfield to really reduce the number of chances the Wings get on goal.

CRAIG: Okay, still an hour or so before kickoff, and before we move on, we want to have a chat with a special guest down on the field. He's currently the best defender Dancougar has on offer, Casey Berber, how are you?

CASEY: (standing on the field in a quarter full National Stadium, as people stream in. Players are kicking around in the background.) I'm good, thanks you guys.

CRAIG: So Casey, I have to ask... in your first international, it was against the Rockets, and you scored that huge goal from way outside and sort of created your reputation as an attack-minded defender. You've certainly gotten better and smarter over the years, but in a game like this, might we see some more fireworks from you?

CASEY: (laughs) I don't know about that, I'm going to have my hands full, I think; they have a lot of guys who can hurt you up front, so I don't think I can wander too far forward. But if I get an open look, well, I don't know!

JACK: Casey, the team went back to a three-man defense and so far you haven't done any worse than the other teams at the top of this group. You only just picked up your first shutout, though, against Alversia. Do you think that coach Bilbao ought to give you another man to try and keep the goals against down?

CASEY: I don't think it's a big issue right now, since we have guys putting the ball in the net for us. I mean, Googe has seven and Pottsy has five, and that's a pretty hot pace for them. And we get help from the guys in midfield. Tony drops back for us, and Kaz, too. What I like about a five-man midfield is that it gives us a lot of options for formations on the fly, and can adjust to what we need.

MIKE: If we look at the second half schedule, you've got at Starblaydia, at Lovisa, and at Newmanistan. Given your road record so far, and the way the table looks, do you think this game is a must win tonight?

CASEY: Oh, I think every game is a must-win, before everything else. The Rockets are a good team, and we've had a hard time with them before. You give yourself a chance to succeed when you win games, because it gets you confident and gets you into a winning rhythm. Now, we've had our eyes on this game for awhile for different reasons, but in terms of qualifying, we try not to worry about the other stuff.

TONY: All right, one last question, and you can get back to warming up. You play in Newmanistan for Centralia, so you get to see a lot of these guys week-in and week-out. Have you been dishing out the dirt in the locker room?

CASEY: (laughs) I've got a few pointers, sure, and shared those around. But that only does so much when you have teams like these who are really charged up. I have to deal with J-Mac twice a year, and just when we think we've figured each other out, we spring a surprise. It's evolution, you know, you say they do one thing and they work on it. But I definitely know he's in the locker room raising trouble, going Casey does this, Casey does that.

CRAIG: All right, Casey, good luck tonight, and thanks for that. So guys, the Newmanistan Rockets. They look at lot like the Wings - star players playing overseas, with proven leaders like McAllister playing in the domestic league. Back to back Baptism of Fire champions, they've got the Golden Bird in Skates up for grabs tonight, but at long last... World Cup rivals! One thing to bear in mind, we mentioned Kevin Lewis earlier. The legendary number 43 for Newmanistan, and now that's considered a lucky number for the football team. And hey, Kevin Lewis 43... World Cup 43. You do the math. We have more coming up on Sunday WCC Countdown...

Greal

01-11-2008, 22:56

Terreiro de Ogum

01-11-2008, 23:44

The two pais-de-santo, Pai Adoniran and Pai Jacinto, meet once again in a terreiro and start talking about the World Cup qualifiers performance of Terreiro de Ogum.

PAI ADONIRAN - "Have you seen the last game, Jacinto?"

PAI JACINTO - "Yes, that was very sad. The game was very close, we could have won it, but Liventia ended taking advantage of the opportunities better."

PAI ADONIRAN - "Terreiro de Ogum's performance has been a bit irregular, don't you think?"

PAI JACINTO - "Of course, I completely agree with you, Adoniran. It looks like a rollercoaster... one day is on the top, another is right at the bottom."

PAI ADONIRAN - "We still have good chances of finally getting into the World Cup, but we have many opponents..."

PAI JACINTO - "Yes, Quakmybush is currently in the third position, but we aren't far from them. If we start making more good and regular performances, we can get the qualification... something dreamed by our citizens... something that we ask for the Orixás to give us. What do you think, can we get the spot?"

PAI ADONIRAN - "Well, this is linked with the perfect balance between faith and football ability. Remember that the Orixás said that they'd only give us the qualification if we achieved this balance."

PAI JACINTO - "Do you think we are close from this?"

PAI ADONIRAN - "It's difficult, but possible. As we can see, our campaign has been irregular, and this has a close relation with the balance asked by the Orixás. When we play badly, it's because we want to give all the responsibility to Iluminado, or because we thought that the rituals made for the Orixás would give us the victory without problems. When we play well, it's because our players work hard for it, counting too with the power brought by the Orixás and the talent of Iluminado in the final minutes of the game."

PAI JACINTO - "Yes! The Iluminado didn't participate in all Terreiro de Ogum's goals this time, so this can mean that they are learning to play football well too!"

PAI ADONIRAN - "That's right. They can achieve the mix of football and faith... but only time will tell us if this will happen."

Trombada invades the terreiro again.

TROMBADA - "I said that I would be back, man, so here I am! Chicão Trombada returns to this land of people that think that there are and there were and there will be spirits that are there in the sky and, as there are rituals that are in all the country, there will be gifts for the players, as soon as they are there in the field praying and there are dead black chickens and cachaça!"

PAI ADONIRAN - "What did you say?"

PAI JACINTO - "There are are there what?"

TROMBADA - "How can you say that you don't understand me, man! The doctors in the Institute understood, my imaginary friend understands! Say that you understand me (points the gun at them)!"

BOTH - "We understand!"

TROMBADA - "Good, good, man. So what about my proposal, man?"

PAI ADONIRAN - "Which proposal?"

TROMBADA - "Man, the proposal for me being coach of your National Team, man! Your coach is blind, man!"

PAI JACINTO - "Ah, this proposal. Our coach can be blind, but he is a man of an incredible power. We don't need a crazy Institute patient!"

TROMBADA - "I was not a patient, man, I was just a guest there, a guest, man! And I'm not there anymore, I fled! So give me a job, man, I want to be a National Team coach, man!"

PAI ADONIRAN - "Leave now!"

TROMBADA - (takes off all his clothes, there was a giant cachaça bottle inside his shorts) "Look at what I can do, man! I can invade the field naked, kick the linesman, hug the lineswoman, put a dog inside the field, give some cachaça to motivate the players, enter drunk in the field and vomit over the goalpost..."

PAI JACINTO - "And why would we need this?"

TROMBADA - "I can do this too! (points the gun at them again) I can shoot the referee, shoot my players, shoot my opponents, shoot the police dog, shoot even the supporters, man!"

BOTH - "You're insane!"

TROMBADA - "Me, insane, man?"

Furious, Trombada points the gun at them and shoots five times. Even being right in front of them, he misses all the shots.

TROMBADA - "You escaped today, man, but I will return, man! I just want to be a coach of a National Team! Please someone contact me, please, I can work anywhere, man!"

PAI ADONIRAN - "Want to watch "The Yaforite" at my home, Jacinto?"

PAI JACINTO - "Surely, Adoniran."

They leave.

Vephrall

02-11-2008, 00:56

MD7 scores are now available. (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=14157312#post14157312)

Kura-Pelland

02-11-2008, 01:38

Tommy Yuram-Wilson said Kura-Pelland had to top the group at halfway to qualify. They do, after another win at Shanvley Stadium, this time against KaMaRi by a 2-0 margin, Norbert Fiero grabbing both.

Some World Cup historians report that this should have been a rivalry, as there are mysterious links between the two countries. Alan Urk, of the Margaret Institute for Sports Research at the University of Fariynuff, says it all comes down to the 'User Hypothesis'. According to his radical research, entire nations are controlled by mysterious RL individuals, and Kura-Pelland is run by the same 'user' as Kaze Progressa, an ex-nation which famously lost its only World Cup final 4-3 to Rejistania, a nation now absorbed into KaMaRi and who also defeated Kaze Progressa by the same scoreline in the previous World Cup, which Kaze Progressa co-hosted.

'Clearly, the user hypothesis does not, in this instance at least, hold up in terms of sporting rivalry,' Urk told NTV News. 'But there are plenty of other examples of interesting links that derive from the hypothesis.' He points to Liverpool England and Ad'ihan as examples of nations with the same user that are in many ways similar 'and have passed rivalries on'. The user hypothesis also came to light upon the appointment by Vephrall of a manager from Bedistan, a nation now absorbed into the Unified Capitalizt States, but whose 'user' left it to die before later 'founding' Vephrall.

The links between RL and NS are still in need of further research, Urk insists.

Kura-Pelland travel to Septentrionia - 'again, a nation who have inherited many user characteristics from Oliverry' - for their next match. It's the start of a three-game trek away from home, and there's another right after Chutnusak's muscleheads come to Shanvley.

Bostopia

02-11-2008, 01:42

“This is BTV1, and now, a broadcast from Emperor Boston directed toward the people of Bazalonia.”

Televisions across Bostopia carried images of the Emperor in his office, looking very solemn, holding a “Sorry” pennant, with the word “Sorry” and phrase “We're so, so sorry for beating you 8 - 1” placed around the room on various items.

“Dear people of Bazalonia. Following tonight's World Cup Qualifying match here in Fort Boston, I felt it was necessary to take time to apologise for the humiliating defeat you suffered at our hands. We tried to tell the team to stop or slow down at 5 – 1 I swear, but they wouldn't have it and just kept going.

We do sincerely like BazaBurger, and I will be personally buying from BazaBurger later on in my best 'We're so sorry for beating you 8 – 1' t-shirt and cap combo – available online at www.weresorryforbeatingyoueightone.co.bp along with other quality merchandise such as a special edition The Emperor Boston All-Action Grappling Hook – and personally apologising to the people working there, unless they're not Bazalonian.

Once again, we're really, really, sorry, and if it makes you feel better, most of us started feeling a bit embarrassed at 6 – 1, and then 7 – 1 and 8 – 1 made us want to hug you all so very much until you felt a little bit better.

And you did beat us 4 – 0 in qualifying for World Cup 29 in our fourth international game.

Also, the chanting of 'one-nil, and you stuffed it up' was totally uncalled for, but largely humourous.

Thank you for understanding that we are indeed very very sorry and I wish you all a pleasant evening.”

“That was a message from the Emperor to the people of Bazalonia; and next on BTV1, extended highlights of Bostopia's magnificent 8 – 1 thrashing of Bazalonia, with the full match being replayed at 3am BEST, 2am BWST should you happen to not catch all the goals.”

The Bostopian Empire

02-11-2008, 01:56

“Morning, Harold!” Alan Sentor said merrily as he strolled into his office.

“Hello, Alan. You're cheerful this morning.. what's happened? Have the Dallas' been knocked out by pistachio nuts?”

“Nope.”

“Have the Han declared war on Septentrionie who surrendered after thirty-two seconds but not quickly enough to halt the bunch of ICBMs the Hans have just fired?”

“No... – wait, just fired?”

“Ahah!” Harold laughed, “got you going there!”

“Yeah, that's really funny. Tell the Head of Government that a nation that we know is as full as crackpots as our own has fired a few ICBMs off. Anyway, if you must know, the provinces managed to beat Alversia last night.”

“Ah! You're getting fond of them, aren't you?”

“Of course not. It's just great for propaganda, that's all. 'Sentor's backing for football across the Empire pays off as the Combined Team beat Alversia in World Cup Qualifying.'”

“If you say so.”

“I do say so. Now, shall we convert this office into a dance floor and invite some Dallas' round with the promises of lots of alcohol and little clothes? I fancy a boogie.”

“Why not, old chum, why not?”

Kelssek

02-11-2008, 02:52

"Kelssek's hopes of making the finals of World Cup 43 took a big blow today with a 2-0 loss to Prux. General manager Mark Tupper had this to say:"

"Well it really was disappointing. We failed to capitalise on our opportunities, particularly when the goalie's arm dropped off and he spent 10 minutes looking for it and it was next to the upright the whole time..."

---INTERMISSION FOR HAIKU---

We are not going
To qualify at this rate
Salted egg yolk crap

-------------------------------

"We're really in a tough spot now, and we've got only ourselves to blame. And I really think Zombie Ronaldo should've been sent off for trying to eat Francois St. Louis's brain but the referee insisted there wasn't anything in the rules specifically against it so... you just play and try to come out top and we didn't come out top... yeah."

Taeshan

02-11-2008, 03:26

Purple Knights Shock UCS

Oh yeah boi. The Knights defeated the Capitalizt Slani team 3-1 in the Atlanbtea Colliseum. It was an awesome defeat. You had to see it to believe. The lower Taeshani team shjcoked one of the top five. Holy cow. Big upset. Man it was shocking a two point defeat. Riots i say Running In Orderly Trot Solely to get through town. Awesome. Yes. Lets get to the highlights.

IIt started with a Capitalizt Slani goal in the 11th minute. There left Striker got through the defensive alignment of the Knights and scored past Tad Montague. But as with all games the other team scores first in the Knights came back fast. Brian Ying Uing scored his first goal in the 19th minute to tie it up. Then he scored the goal that gave the Knights there lead in the fortieth minute. Finally Hele scored the decsisive winning goal in the 67th minute. The Knights won and are still second in there group.

Qazox

02-11-2008, 04:11

QNN
Where News Happens

Qazox had to scramble at home against Blouman Empire to manage a 1-1 draw, on an 85th minute goal from Raul de Olivares as a thunderstorm dropped over 2" of rain in the Greater Pika City area and both teams played in a thick muddy field. The draw drops Qazox into 2nd place in the group, behind The Holy Empire, but still 5 points clear of 3rd place Urna Eletrônica. The beginning of the 2nd half of qualifing seems easy, as Qazox went 3-0-0 against the upcoming opposition, so Qazox should regain some its lost momentum.

The complete schedule and Results (Home games and Wins in BOLD):

MD1: @ Cokenia WIN 3-2 (Record: 1-0-0)
MD2: Swilatia WIN 5-0 (Record: 2-0-0)
MD3: @ Tortuga y Hispaniola WIN 3-2 (Record 3-0-0)
MD4: Az-cz WIN 6-3 (Record 4-0-0)
MD5: @ The Holy Empire LOSS 0-2 (Record 4-0-1)
MD6: Urna Eletrônica WIN 2-1 (Record 5-0-1)
MD7: Blouman Empire DRAW 1-1 (Record 5-1-1)
OFF DAY
MD8: Cokenia @ Toro Rojo Stadium, Las Vitas. Capacity: 70,000.
MD9: @ Swilatia
MD10: Tortuga y Hispaniola @ Toro Rojo Stadium, Las Vitas. Capacity: 70,000.
MD11:@ Az-cz
MD12: The Holy Empire @ Qazian Memorial Stadium, Qazox City. Capacity: 98,000.
MD13: @ Urna Eletrônica
MD14: @ Blouman Empire

QAZOX SCORING today
Raul de Olivares- 85'

QAZOX OVERALL SCORING
Charles Marquis- 7
Raul de Olivares- 6
Yolanda Christian- 4
Jason Erca- 1
Brittany Lopes- 1
Bonnie Young- 1

<Commercial break>

Internationally, nothing happened anywhere. Must have something to do with Daylight Savings time concluding or the half-moon or some other reason.

Stay tuned to QNN for more news as it happens.

Green wombat

02-11-2008, 04:39

THE HEXAGON REPORT
It's News, Because We Say So!

The shutout streak is over, but with a 5-1 win against Onimar, Green wombat kept pace with the top 3 teams in the group and halfway through qualifying, the wombats still sit only 2 points out of 3rd and 3 pts off of 2nd.

(NOTE: All home matches will be played at: Green wombat Field, aka: "The Barracks": The Hexagon. Capacity: 66,666.)
MD1: @ An Blascaod Mór WIN 2-1
MD2: vs Valetaland LOST 1-2
MD3: @ The Archregimancy Draw 1-1
MD4: vs Jasiyun/Jaseuyeon LOST 0-2
MD5: @ Sorthern Northland WIN 1-0
MD6: vs Nethertopia WIN 1-0
MD7: vs Onimar WIN 5-1
MD8: vs An Blascaod Mór
MD9: @ Valetaland
MD10: vs The Archregimancy
MD11: @ Jasiyun/Jaseuyeon
MD12: vs Sorthern Northland
MD13: @ Nethertopia
MD14: @ Onimar
OVERALL RECORD: 4-1-2

The Post MD5 Ranks (1st Place Votes in Bold Italics)

TOP 15 POLL
Rank/Prev.
1/3 Cafundéu 6-1-0 6
2/4 Daehanjeiguk 6-1-0 4
3/6 Tynelia 6-1-0 4
4/12 Bostopia 6-0-1 1
5/7 The Holy Empire 5-2-0
6/10 The Archregimancy 5-1-1
7/9 Kura-Pelland 6-0-1
8/11 Wentland 5-1-1
9/8 Qazox 5-1-1
10/15 Taeshan 4-3-0
11/1 Bazalonia 6-0-1
12/2 Jaseuyeon 6-0-1
13/5 Starblaydia 5-1-1
14/NR Demot 5-1-1
15/NR Sorthern Northland 5-0-2

FELL OUT:
#13 Milchama Drew vs Miroxia 1-1
#14 Dancougar Drew vs Newmanistan 2-2

Well no one will go Perfect this qualifying campaign. #1 and #2 both lost, dropping them down in the ranks, and now the Unbeaten list reads: Taeshan, Tynelia, The Holy Empire, Daehanjeiguk, and Cafundeu. Bostopia, 8-1 winners over previously #1 Bazalonia had the biggest gain of the week, going up 8 ranks, whiel Jasiyun and Bazalonia both fall 10 spots each. Dancougar and Milchama, for drawing against unranked teams, both fall out, while Demot and Sorthern Northland rejoin the list.

On the Bottom 5, Other than the unlucky 77th spot, which is going to Bazalonia, rightfully so; the bottom 5 stays the same. The winless list is now at 11 teams, with UU still the lone Imperfect team.

BOTTOM FIVE
76: Alversia 0-1-6 -11GD
77: Bazalonia 6-0-1 +8GD Lost 1-8 to Bostopia
78: Seventy Ninth Entrant 0-1-6 -14GD
79: Nethertopia 0-1-6 -12GD
80: Universitus University 0-0-7 -15GD

Newmanistan

02-11-2008, 06:20

THE ROCKET REPORT

ROCKETS DRAW WINGS

Yuki City, Dancougar- Newmanistan continued their trend of playing well in Dancougar, but the only question now will be, was the draw good enough? The game was every bit the thriller we thought it would be and neither team deserved to end up pointless. The draw puts the Rockets at 3-2-2 at the halfway point of qualifying, and their eleven points are good enough for fourth place in group eight. Unfortunately, another eleven-point half won’t cut it if the team wishes to qualify, so they will need to play better. Newmanistan is three points behind third place Dancougar, four behind Lovisa, and five behind the Purple Peril. It’s tight up at the top, but right now the Rockets still are looking up at in unless there’s improvement.

That improvement, may have started tonight. There’s just something about the Black Wings that gets the Rockets all fired up and ready for takeoff. Newmanistan came out of the gates looking as sharp as we’ve seen them in a while. The passes, long and short, were connecting. So to, were the Black Wings. They also looked on top form, and were sending the message to the Rockets that you better continue to play well all day, because we’re here to defend our home turf. This result in some exciting action with both teams generating opportunities. It’s just what we have come accustomed to seeing when these two teams meet. Jeremy McAllister had the first outstanding chance of the match coming in the 8th minute with a nice move to get around Casey Berber and take a shot at Yuji Watanabe, but he was denied with a nice save by leaping to his left. Watanabe had a good read on the shot all the way and seemed to be able to anticipate J-Mac’s move to perfection. Then it was Dancougar’s turn, with two great chances, one by the great Shishio Jinguuji, a fan favorite, in the 14th minute. He strike did not beat Chris Kusler, but it did get the fans up on their feet and yell his name in support. Jinguuji made a terrific 18th minute play happen, finding a way by Scott LaFave, but instead of shooting, he passed to Dan Potts, who went for the top right corner and had Kusler beat, but the shot sailed a few inches over the crossbar, much like when a long snapper in Gridiron snaps it way over the head of the punter, giving Kusler and the Rockets the safety of a goal kick. For a little while, the game got bogged down in midfield, but this didn’t mean a lack of action. It was about two sides wishing to get the edge on the other, with hard physical play. Though he’s already made himself known to the Black Wings, Brett Prescott did his best to make sure the home team was always looking for where #17 was. Kazuki Midorikawa seemed to be his most frequent tackling victim, though Jinguuji wasn’t off the hook from it either. Dale Stevens tried to create a physical presence too, but no one does it like Prescott. Unlike other teams though, the Black Wings mainly just get up after Prescott tackles and know not to retaliate. This is likely from familiarity, and perhaps a mutual respect of one another. Newmanistan got the edge from this eventually, and in the 34th minute, the Rockets would score the first goal. Give it to Brett Carlson, who’s been a little quiet in the last few games. Here he would get a big goal, and sometimes a fortunate break is just what you need to get your season, or in this case, qualification effort, back on the right track. The play was made by Jeremy McAllister and Shawn Drummond, the speed of both seemed to really trouble the three-man backfield of the Black Wings when they were able to get it in deep. Watanabe made the original save on McAllister, but could not control the rebound. It bounced right to Carlson for a simple tap in as he fought to out-muscle Milan van der Horst for the ball. Normally Van der Horst would win that battle of strength, so the only way to describe it here was the determination of Carlson exceeded the physical advantage of the opponent. The Rockets would have preferred to have gone into halftime with the one goal lead, but the Black Wings did everything they could to equalize before the intermission. This led to a bunch of pressure, and eventually it would be their determination that would pay off. Shishio Jinguuji got the fans back on their feet in the 44th minute with the score, to the right of Kusler, tying us up as went to break.

This was very much what the fans expected, the media expected, and the players themselves expected. When these two teams meet, you always wind up with a contest that’s well played on both levels that usually comes down to the final moments. You could make this case for the team’s World Bowl meetings, too. All the halftime speeches and tactical talk wouldn’t do much. This was going to come down to the team that wanted it more. That didn’t mean the player’s were off the hook from a Brian Carson speech, but his emphasis was more on continuing to work hard and don’t do silly things that will be seen on highlight films for a week that cost your team the game. Keep it simple, and play smart. It’s a cliche, but it applies.

So here we were now in the second half with the fans in the stands eagerly awaiting to see which team would take control. By the way, kudos to all the Newmanistianians in attendance. It was pretty clear that this was the road game of choice for most of the fans to attend (after all they’ve done the Starblaydia thing several times). Everyone was on the best behavior, just as it should be. The early minutes gave us more midfield battles, and this time Dancougar’s five-man midfield eventually won over possession and got some good chances on net. The Black Wings had a golden opportunity in the 52nd minute when they got three attackers to charge the net with only Jeremy Brooker back. Lyle Dylandy tried to get the ball over to Jinguuji but an extremely aggressive slide by Brooker got all ball and knocked it out of play to kill the rush. Brooker got up and grinned at Dylandy, who smiled and laughed back. Likely, Jeremy said something about it being a Dunboor FC training drill for him. Dylandy and Brooker are teammates for that Cafundeu club. In the 57th, Kevin Underwood generated a nice chance that was defended just as beautifully by Tony Borsinger. But the defense couldn’t stop them all. In the 60th minute, Dan Potts took a powerful shot into the bottom right corner to make it 2-1. Kusler read it fine and made a quality dive, Potts just got everything he could on it, and the shot was too quick this time. The goal didn’t stop the Black Wings from coming, as in the 67th minute, Potts nearly scored again, but like he did in the first half, his shot sailed over the crossbar. Shoot low, Dan, shoot low. As the game approached crunch time, Newmanistan did everything they could to get the flow of the game back working for them, and this started to happen around the 73rd or so. In that minute, Shawn Drummond had a great chance but was flat out robbed by Watanabe. It would not demoralize the Rockets as more chances were generated, but either Watanabe or the defense were making big plays. Casey Berber made a dive that Centralia fans would be very used to in the 80th minute, to break up a what looked to be a dangerous give and go between Alex Parnett and Jeremy McAllister. The way things were going, most probably felt that a goal was imminent. These teams are known for dramatic moments against one another, and something seemed to be about to happen. But with the clock passing 85, 86, 87 and 88 maybe the Black Wings were going to get off the hook. Not the case. It was simply the clock setting the tone for another classic Newmanistan vs Dancougar moment. In the 90th minute the Rockets made another charge on net. Calvin Lane at this point was in for Dale Stevens, giving the visitors plenty of speed up front, and they would take advantage of it. The defenders did everything they could and Watanabe seemed to be in fine position. Newmanistan just wasn’t going to be denied. Jeremy McAllister, with his three-year old son making his first appearance in a game outside of the country would be the hero. A perfect strike to tie up the game, after which he pointed to his son and asked to keep the ball. The referee granted the request. Two minutes of stoppage time needed to killed off, but they went quickly as both teams still were catching their breath and didn’t want to risk losing the point.

After the game, McAllister approached his son in the stands, sitting behind the Newmanistan bench in the family section and gave him the ball. The Rockets earn an important 2-2 draw. A win would have been preferred if you’re looking at the standings and chances of qualification, but on this day, it was hard fought and well earned draw. For both sides.

Here is some post game reaction:

Carson: "Despite what the standings tell you, you have to be very happy with coming into Dancougar and taking a point. We know we still need to make up ground, and what we will need to do is make this game be something we can build off of when we go into the second half. It was a great game for the fans, but for a coach it's one of those games that will give you grey hair very quickly."

Kusler: "They were ferocious on the attack. We did a good job of limiting their chances based on that, and forced them to take shots at less desirable angles. I had a good read on team. The Potts shot was a laser, I saw it well but just couldn't get to it in time. I think I get that one next time!"

Brooker: "We got what we expected. We know Dancougar likes to play an up tempo style of attack as evidenced by the formation they play. It was going to be a tough game for us in the back, but I think we rose up to challenge very well." (when asked about his play in the 52nd minute on club teammate Dylandy): "I defend him nearly every day in training with Dunboor. I know how great he is at setting up his teammates, and figured we would be in deep trouble if I didn't make the dive. He probably anticipated that I would, but the defender has the advantage there because even though they might think its coming they won't know when. I took that into consideration and probably went for it a second or two earlier then normal."

Prescott: "I like playing Dancougar. You can tackle them hard and take them out of the play and they don't just lay there and cry and scream bloody murder for a card. They take the shot and get up and aren't afraid to lay it on you when they get a chance. That's how football should be played."

McAllister: "It was last ditch effort, but we had some confidence amongst us. Not once did we ever think that we were going to lose the game and be able to score there in the last minutes. It was great to get the big goal for the team, and all I could think about was giving the ball to Junior. He really enjoyed his time here, it was the first time we took him out of the country to let him see one of my interregional road games."

NEWMANISTAN 2
Carlson (34')
McAllister (90')

DANCOUGAR 2
Jinguuji (44')
Potts (60')

Qazox

02-11-2008, 07:00

<Unknown Location, Certifiably insane/Sawed Border; 0430, 07-11-43>

Only about 30 minutes or so left on the cease-fire and then we once again get to kill innocents, or people claiming to be innocent. I've been torn about the incident of a few weeks ago, but what happened the other day, just an hour before the cease-fire began; has changed my outlook of this war.

A young girl of 5 or 6 years old comes crawling out of some rubble and comes up to me. I tell the kid to get back to the hospital tent and they will take care of her. About 5 minutes later a bomb goes off behind us, right where the hospital tent was. About 70 injured soldiers were killed in the heinous attack, in a place they thought was safe. Do these people, we are fighting, have such little respect for life, that they will use a child to inflict damages to us? Or are they that desparate to remove us from their lands?

People in Movies, TV and novels glorify war and the poor dupes who believe those stories never believe the real truth. But we know better. War can cause a good man to sacrifice his principles to follow orders, War can make a Ghu-fearing man an atheist and vice-versa, War can take a child and turn them into instruments of distruction.

I hear gun-fire off in the distance. Someone's watch is running a bit fast, I guess. Time to stand back on our heads.

Major Brian Chalmers

Jeruselem

02-11-2008, 08:40

Kara: I'm Kara Kool, and this is THE FOOTBALL LIFE.
Kate: I'm Kate Dallas II, and we are in Secristan.
Kara: That's Secristan not Secretstan.
Kate: This is a great place, hey Kara.

Kara: Nice people here.
Kate: Yeah, we're getting treated like movie stars here.
Kara: You, not me ... no one knows who I am.
Kate: Oh come on, the local Jews knew who you were.

Kara: Yeah, but no one threw money at me ...
Kate: You wanted to get some advertising money?
Kara: Yeah, I'm Jewish. I can smell money.
Kate: That's what happens when you retire.

Kara: Dallas girls don't seem to have trouble getting money outside football.
Kate: Yeah, but you don't take your clothes off.
Kara: Good point ...
Kate: You should try it one day!

Kara: Back to football, the Princesses played Jeruselem here in Secristan.
Kate: It was an away game and a tough one.
Kara: Yes, Secristan have done well for their ranking but playing Jeruselem was a big test.
Kate: Our team overcame the locals TWO NIL in a tough fight.

Kara: The locals fought hard but had trouble executing the killer moves in attack.
Kate: Jeruselem aren't a team who don't score goals. Only two today, one to Flak Sho and the other to his cousin Kylie Sho.
Kara: You could say it was Sho time ...
Kate: Yoy, that was my joke.

Kara: We commend the Secristan on their efforts and hospitality here.
Kate: Yeah, I'd like to come back here some day.

Kara:
In other games, Septentrionia inflicted a 2nd loss on Kenavt who used to lead the table but now face a 4 point gap to Jeruselem. Septentrionia with a 2nd win and still look in trouble having three losses and three draws as well. Same scoreline as the game here, TWO NIL. Deceased Writers Guild beat fellow strugglers Chutnusak ONE NIL. Kura-Pelland continue to keep Jeruselem at bay with a great ... TWO NIL win over KaMaRi.

Kate: Weird, three TWO NIL wins in Group 3.
Kara: Yes, but we won ... that's the important thing.
Kate: KP lead Jeruselem with Kenavt still 3rd and KaMaRi not making ground in 4th. Septentrionia move up to 5th with Secristan slipping to 6th.
Kara: Now for our fave army idiots.

Kate: Jeru FC beat Arroza THREE ONE but have fallen behind to stay 4th with the Macabees winning too against the Islands of Qutar TWO NIL. Jeru FC are one win behind the Macabees and a massive 9 wins behind the top two seeds in Group 3.
Kara: Oh, Bostopia beat Bazalonia EIGHT ONE.
Kate: You're joking?

Kara: No, that's the scoreline!
Kate: Wow, that's some win.
Kara: Merginn's mob of hooligans called Southern Northland won their 5th game FOUR ONE against Valetaland.
Kate: Say, the SN record is very similar to Jeruselem.

Kara: They seem to be scoring more goals.
Kate: We have a better defense.
Kara: Not by much ...
Kate: Hey, Jay said your cousin Sally might be thinking of going to Milchama for her next club.

Kara: Milchama is good place for Jews and Maggie worshippers ...
Kate: Well, that's it from in Secristan.
Kara: Yes, Jeruselem players making money here.
Kate: Why not, if we can sell something!

Kara: Thank God, no nudity.
Kate: Kara wants to join Radio Man on their booze bus in Southern Northland.
Kara: I didn't say that ... at least I didn't.
Kate: See you all later at home, at Dazza Dallas Stadium. BIKE BIKE!

Dancougar

02-11-2008, 09:45

Enemies to the right of him, enemies to the left of him, and enemies to the front of him screeched as they swarmed. Daniel felt overwhelmed, but didn't have to time to be worried. He tore into them with Laser Liger, firing his laser and rotating to cut a path through the demons. The eyes continued to surround him, and Daniel pounded his panel, looking for more targeting options. He had lots of other weapons he could use, but not enough time. It was everything he could do just to fight the ones in front of him. The eyes began to glow red as they circled him, creating a continuous glow. His cockpit rocked as they fired, smashing into the Liger and knocking out one system after another.

The system went completely dead. A voice fizzed through the radio. "Dead again!" it shouted. "When are you going to learn not to rely on the main weapon?" Daniel opened the cockpit hatch and popped out to catch a breath of fresh air. They were well into the fourth hour of his training. He'd gotten the basics pounded into him by now, but the finer points of the machine were still beyond him. "This is too soon to hit your limit!" shouted Tetsuya, who stood at a control panel outside the Liger. A thick stream of wires ran from it to a data port on the side of the machine's head.

"Don't you think you've done enough for today?" asked Jun, who stood by with a worried look on her face. "I mean, this is a lot to swallow at once, and you're already running the toughest simulations we have." She looked up at Daniel, who looked exhausted. That was mostly from the conditions on the cockpit. There wasn't much room to move around in there, but combat never lasted terribly long, so they rarely noticed it. But so much simulation time at once was certainly taking its toll. "You should let him rest for a few hours."

"The enemy's not going to rest, Jun!" Tetsuya shot back. "We don't know when they'll come back. It's been a day and all that mountain's done is spit smoke and fire. Something's brewing in there, and we have to be ready. But we can't roll into battle if we can't trust that we've got each other's backs." He turned back to the console and prepared to reset the mission. "I can't trust this guy if all he's doing to do is get killed. He'll drag the rest of us with him."

"Do you know what you're saying?" Jun asked. "He's..."

"Aoyama, it's fine," Daniel said. Jun stopped her thought. Daniel had a habit of addressing her by her last name when he was serious about something. Tetsuya looked up from the console and nodded. "He's right. We don't have time. Learn by doing, it's the only way right now." He dipped back inside the machine and closed the hatch. The machine's eyes glowed and a low hum started to churn inside. The simulation began once again.

"How can you both be fine with this?" Jun asked. "Don't you see how much he's straining? Anything beyond this is just going to wear him down. He can't possibly learn this way!"

"One, it's an agreement between men," Tetsuya replied. "Two, I saw, and so what? Three, you're wrong." He motioned for her to look at the panel, so she walked over and leaned over to see the screen. "I've been making changes to the exercise each time I reset, and he's getting better," he said. "He's adapting. With each new situation, he finds the option he missed the previous time and applies it. He'll soak it up and move on. That's the kind of guy he is."

"No way," Jun murmured, as she verified for herself that Tetsuya was telling the truth. The progress of the battle was rendered crudely on the screen. Daniel was moving around more aggressively to avoid getting surrounded, and he was launching pinpoint attacks to break out of swarms before they reached critical mass. He was still taking a beating, since he was still having trouble with dead spots in his field of vision. Camera placement on the machine wasn't perfect.

"You're right, I normally wouldn't drill someone this roughly," Tetsuya began. "But I'm doing exactly what he asked of me..."

"What do you mean, be true to your word?" It was close to midnight, and Tetsuya stood in the door of the prince's quarters. He'd been called over without warning.

"Earlier today, you told me that you were the absolute leader of the team," Daniel said. He was dressed simply in a pair of black sweatpants and a tan muscle shirt that looked too loose on his fairly lean frame. He was leaning against the wall close to the doorframe. "I start training on the Liger tomorrow. I need you to push me around and make sure I understand how to use it."

"Is that all this is about?" asked Tetsuya, appearing uninterested. "Hell, you could've just told me that instead of calling me out here this late."

"But is that really enough for you?" Daniel countered. He was staring at the wall opposite him. Tetsuya was taken aback but recovered as Daniel turned his head to the right to face the lieutenant. "I don't want you to think I graduated from the academy as high as I did just because of my position. You deserve to know I'm dedicated to mastering that machine so that I can fight alongside you guys and defend this country."

The prince held out his hand. Tetsuya looked at it for a moment, then grasped it. "Well, now, if you're really serious, then you won't mind it when you get your ass handed to you tomorrow."

Daniel smiled. "I'm just another raw recruit," he said. "It's your job to fix that."

Jun stood up from the console and let out a whistle. The Liger stopped humming as Daniel died yet again. She decided to leave the two to their training and started walking out of the hanger. You really are too much, sometimes, she thought. Men are so...

"What are you shooting at, idiot? Use your ammunition more wisely! That machine's worth more than your life! Strap up and do it again!"

... stubborn!

********************

A solitary cargo truck rolled toward the gates of the Nordhausen base, where Leopold Brandenstein normally served as acting commander. It was several hundred miles east of Kaguya, just across the Desugaia/Helmut border, but definitely within reach despite their contracted time frame. Brandenstein had dispatched it immediately after the battle, and it was poised for next-day delivery.

The sun was just starting to creep up, and the sleepy guard waved at the truck to slow down as it approached. He stifled a yawn as he walked over to the driver's side door, and the window was duly rolled down. He took a look at the driver's ID. "Kaguya, huh? That's a haul!" he said. "What's the rush?"

"Present for one of the colonel's guys," the driver replied.

"Mind if I take a look?" the guard asked. "Rules and that." The driver put the truck into park and killed the ignition. He jumped out and walked around to the back of the vehicle; the guard followed. The light was poor, so the guard turned on a flashlight as the driver unhinged the back of the truck and slid the door up.

The two stared for a good minute. The guard bounced the light around the inside and broke into a cold sweat. They each stuttered back a few steps. The guard pointed his flashlight at the ground and wiped his forehead. "What the hell is that?" he asked at last.

"I... I don't know, the c-colonel just said..." the driver replied. He wanted to close the door, but he didn't want to take a step closer to that... that... thing.

"Just get it out of here!" the guard said, running back to open the gate. The driver finally ran up and slammed the door shut. The sooner it was out of his truck the better. The gate slid open as he fumbled with the key, eventually starting the engine. The tires squealed as he entered the base. The guard watched the truck zip around a corner and out of sight. Just what the hell kind of exercises are they running up there?!

********************

Prince Daniel lay stretched out on the couch in the room adjacent to the hanger. A bottle of water sat on a small table sitting in front of it, but he didn't want to sit if he had to. His body was cramped up, and this was all he could do right now to get some relief. Tetsuya had left muttering something about an idiot prince, but he wasn't worried about that.

A tanned face with sparkling eyes appeared in his field of view. "Welcome back," said Jun as she leaned over the back of the couch. "You want to head to the mess? You need to eat something after all that. And a little movement will get your blood pumping again."

"I suppose," said Daniel, tiredly heaving himself to his feet. He bent his head from side to side and his neck gave off an unhealthy pop that nevertheless elicited a sigh of relief. The two walked out of the hanger and into a long hallway. "I'm surprised that so much is under here," he mused. "Most bases don't have much more than a shelter and a control center for emergencies like this."

"I think it's because the Beast Machines are normally stationed here," Jun replied. "If there's a war, they're always the last line of defense, so it does them no good to lack support if everything else is destroyed."

Daniel chucked and held his head in his palm. "It's incredible, the things I still don't know about my country," he said.

"It's a big place," Jun answered. "Don't let it bother you." They walked past another simulator room. A long line of windows allowed them to peer inside, where three machines were currently in use. They were sealed cockpits on hydraulic arms to mimic some of a plane's movement. On the far wall were renderings of each machine's battle.

Daniel stopped to take a look. On the screen were Rhinemaidens, and the enemies were Gray Sister. "Wow, that's incredible, even these machines have been updated from that battle," he said. "It's only been a day, and yet you guys have already put together simulations using that data."

"The technicians here are top notch," Jun returned proudly. She watched the combat. The Rhinemaiden's were moving fluidly through the air in fighter mode, clearing a path through one group before diving towards the ground in support of a tank column. One transformation, then another. "Those pilots are really good! But I guess that's the Build Angels for you."

"It's not them," said Daniel. Jun took a closer look. Sure enough, there was Inoue running the master console while Sonya and Christina floated around nearby just watching the action. "Then... who's inside?"

The simulation ended. The hatches popped open one by one. Daniel and Jun watched as Peter and Russ came out first, and they cringed as Inoue got right up in their face and gave them an earful. They'd apparently done something she didn't like. Sonya was trying to calm her down. Meanwhile, Christina helped the third pilot exit her simulator. Daniel recognized the girl immediately.

"E-erica..." he murmured. He turned to go back to the entrance to the room. He knew the reason why she was inside and his instincts were to stop her to keep her from endangering herself. But he stopped before even taking a step. He could see the fire in her eyes as she reported to Inoue for her scolding, even though Christina was trying the entire time to lead her away. Daniel turned again and continued his walk to the mess hall. "I should've expected that from you, sis," he said.

"I can't believe it, she was such a mess before," Jun said, catching up to the prince, who was starting to move more cleanly. "But at the end of the day, I guess we can't really mourn our losses until we finish them."

"You know, it's always been tradition for the royal family to receive military training," Daniel said. "If it were up to me, I would've let Erica just worry about politics, but she wouldn't have it. You'd never guess it by looking at her, but she was quite a tomboy growing up."

"She must get that from you," Jun replied with a smile. "Pilots, huh? You two just refuse to take it easy..."

Milchama

02-11-2008, 10:30

Where Have You Gone oh Milchama? A poem by Anonymous

Oh Milchama glorious Milchama
Where have you gone oh Milchama?

Once so proud
once so loud
Now horses play for you

Oh Milchama.

Where have you gone oh Milchama?

The Warriors, The screaming, The cheers.
The fun, The excitement, the fears

Now we don't know which lineup you shall use
You may have a banana in goal if you choose
Or pictures of strikers scoring goals
Or one man being 11
What has happened oh Milchama?

Oh Milchama

Where have you gone oh Milchama?

Qualifying campaigns used to be about victories
and undefeated glories
Now we can't beat anyone we oppose.

Oh Milchama

Where have you gone oh Milchama?

Come on you Warriors
I know you can win again
I know you can be whole again
All you need to do is try

Let Halforth kick, Let Timnath run, Let Miller score
We have skill
We have talent
Stop being trodded upon and let the talent explore.
See what talent can do.

Please. Pretty please.

Oh Milchama.

What can we do oh Milchama?
To make you well again.

Greal

02-11-2008, 10:51

Greal Qualifying Schedule
MD1: Greal VS (159) Vlaskin (4-2)
MD2: Greal VS (19) Demot (0-1)
MD3: Greal VS (31) Krytenia (1-2)
MD4: Greal VS (46) Magna Sancta Sedes (0-3)
MD5: Greal VS (165) Seventy Ninth Entrant (3-1)
MD6: Greal VS (10) Daehanjeiguk (2-3)
MD7: Greal VS (118) Dariusville
MD8: Greal VS (159) Vlaskin
MD9: Greal VS (19) Demot
MD10: Greal VS (31) Krytenia
MD11: Greal VS (46) Magna Sancta Sedes
MD12: Greal VS (165) Seventy Ninth Entrant
MD13: Greal VS (10) Daehanjeiguk
MD14: Greal VS (118) Dariusville

Dariusville 1-1 Greal

Greal played Dariusville yesterday, ending in a draw, 1-1. Disappointing, but at least not a loss for Greal. There was no change in the group rankings.

The game started with Michael Istoma given a minor injury, drawing boos at the Dariusville team. After about twenty minutes of playing, Dariusville finally scored a goal, and the first half ended with 1-0, which was not good. In the second half, Greal seemed to revive, and Howard Anderson scored a goal at forty seventh minute. The rest of the game did not yield any results. The game ended with a draw 1-1. The weather was sunny as Weather service predicted. Greal will play Vlaskin tomorrow.

Dariusville 1

Greal 1

Howard Anderson (47')

Other teams were doing their best to change their rankings.

Daehanjeiguk destroyed Seventy Ninth Entrant 6-1.

Krytenia beat Vlaskin 2-0.

Demot narrowly won in a game against Magna Sancta Sedes 1-0.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Roger watched the draw with dismay. He was predicting a win, but now he would have to pay two hundred bucks. He went over to his safe, took out several bills and locked it tight. He left the house with a shot gun slung over his shoulder. The police wouldn't care because there were none in the area. Mafai controlled the streets.

As soon as he went downstairs, Two men fired at him from behind a sofa in the lounge, he ducked behind the corner, the shots missing him. He responded with fury and shot one of the men in the leg. He then saw the man limp away while his partner covered him, leaving a bloody trail.

A van stopped in front of the building, Howard came out, looking cautiously for anyone in the area.

"Got the money?"

Roger handed him the two hundred bucks.

"You predicting what this time?" asked Howard.

"A win for Greal, Vlaskin loses."

"Five hundred?"

"Five hundred."

"Alright. See you tomorrow." said Howard, then he went back into the van, and it drove off quickly.

Roger went upstairs, and bolted the men. It was a wonder why he was still alive.

Rennidan

02-11-2008, 12:24

World Cup 43: Match Day Seven

Rennidan : Cassadaigua
3:0

Match Report:

@Cassadaigua - Now, I'm going to shun away from what I've heard many fans say and state quite clearly that women can indeed play football. It just so happens though that today was not the day for the women of Cassadaigua to shine, and now they must face the fire of a 3-0 defeat after overcoming Candelaria and Marquez the week before.

The match started off with the Cassadaigua side holding their heads high, morale obviously up in the clouds after their bizarre victory of match day six. It was clear from kick off that the girls felt good about this match, but whatever good feelings they had about their game against the Eagles were about to be brought crashing down. In a goal that is bound to grace highlight reels for weeks to come, Josef Fersu scored his seventh goal of the World Cup.

It all started quite innocently enough, with Fersu, Belon and Deleks playing a tactful game of pass-and-run between themselves as they moved from the Rennidan box after a Cassadaigua attempt back up to the other half of the pitch. Then, a miracle of the kind you could have expected Robert Golos to have struck. Belon went to pass the ball back to Fersu, but it chipped higher than they were expecting it too. Christine Scott and Brooke Reynolds saw this, and both rushed in to get the high ball, which was set to come down at the dead centre of the pitch, falling square onto the kickoff spot. Unfortunately, Scott and Reynolds, eyes more on the ball than they were on each other, collided head first a yard or two away from the ball as it bounced. Then, from nowhere, Josef Fersu came running. He leapt and kicked the ball with all his might on the half volley. It flew true, and the unexpecting Cassadaigua goalie, the lovely Rachel Terry, dived for it a second too late.

The crowd erupted with cries and cheers as the ball bounced about in the back of the net, and it would seem Fersu is well on his way to becoming a Rennidanian legend at the tender age of 17.

And from that point onwards, it was obvious Cassadaigua's chances were shot. Their morale had been shattered by the score from the halfway line, and it didn't get any better for the girls when Drunn Deleks netted another goal for his name direct from a corner on the left. With the score set at 2-0 at halftime, it was obvious that the home team's manager was going to be having some less-than-nice words with the lovely lasses of Cassadaigua.

But it looks like the managerial words did little more than send morale to rock bottom, and Fersu managed to dribble a third goal clean into the back of the net, as the defence stood around with a confused look upon their faces.

So yes, girls can play football. They can play well, and they can play against the best of the best and walk away with a victory like any other team out there.

Unfortunately, they're also susceptible to off days like any other team out there as well.

Better luck next time, Cassadaigua.

_________

MD1: vs. Colbourne 2-1
MD2: @ Universitus University 4-1
MD3: @ Candelaria And Marquez 2-2
MD4: @ Cafundéu 4-1
MD5: vs. Land de Wood 1-1
MD6: vs. Saturday Sport 1-0
MD7: @ Cassadaigua 3-0
MD8: @ Colbourne
MD9: vs. Universitus University
MD10: vs. Candelaria And Marquez
MD11: vs. Cafundéu
MD12: @ Land de Wood
MD13: @ Saturday Sport
MD14: vs. Cassadaigua

_________

Cassadaigua

02-11-2008, 13:20

Courtney’s Space

Well what can you say about last night’s game? Some people say we’ve had it coming and that we were long overdue for this kind of outcome. Others will say that we were getting big heads after our big win against Candelaria And Marquez. Both of those points are complete nonsense. We lost 3-0 because Rennidan played a fantastic game. Perhaps other nations have gotten the message now that they better be prepared to play us given some of our results. Needing a win, the well-prepared Eagles came to Concord Heights and got it. It wasn’t our best game, and we did make mistakes. At the start though, we tried to do just what we had in all our previous games by opening conservatively. Miscommunication did us in on the first goal. You’ve all seen it by now, it’s been a favorite piece on all local news channels. It goes to show how difficult of a game this is. You have Christine and Brooke both trying to be aggressive and make a play but they didn’t anticipate the other. Of all people, this created a lane for Josef Fersu, a very talented teenager and the person we knew we had to contain to have a chance. Fersu made the most of his chance. We didn’t give up and stayed with the game plan. Rennidan just had the answers, such as scoring right before halftime a corner kick.

We had come back before. We did it against Cafundeu from two goals down at halftime and we could do it again here. Michelle stressed playing better attention to the fundamentals, so we did. We would come out attacking and had some great opportunities early in the second half. Jessica Keeley and myself both saw daylight, only to be denied by the keeper. In the 59th minute, I had another chance, but was denied again by Diar Twils. That was our chance. Later in the half, they score a third goal and had us beaten. It happens. Just not our day. We have a bit of break now in qualifying because we do not have any mid qualifying friendlys scheduled and then we will embark on our six of seven road game stretch.

It’s hard to believe we only have one home game left now. Thank you for your home support and I hope you are all watching when we pick up the road games once again.

Blouman Empire

02-11-2008, 13:31

OOC: Did I blank out for a day I thougt the one in 12 hours time was MD6. Or did they do two match days in a small amount of time? I had this RP for the Qazox game and is now gone.

Candelaria And Marquez

02-11-2008, 18:58

The Albrecht Herald Online>Sport>Football
Healy’s Marshall Plan grants C&M half-way boost
By Mack Hession

Well, it was never going to be easy, was it? Since when have any C&M side, in whatever sport, swept their way to victory, be it in one game or across an entire tournament? Perhaps they just can’t cope with winning, and suffer collectively from the all encompassing urge to make life as difficult as possible for themselves. Perhaps the reverse is still true – that our sportsmen may lack the abilities of their rivals, but more than make up for it in sheer guts to claw their way back time and again. Perhaps that explains why every match seems to be a struggle, no matter how modest the opposition. Truthfully, the bottom three sides in Group 10 are as poor as any in the world, and World Cup quarter-finalists should be easing to victories against them, not hanging on for dear life. Yes, the Big Blues registered nine points from the first half of qualifying – but that won’t satisfy those who maintain that, for some unfathomable reason, we ‘should’ be doing better than this.

Yesterday however, and though the jury’s still out on more than one member of his team, Kris Healy answered his critics. After defeat in Cassadaigua – and seeing Rennidan put three past Michelle Baynes’ ladies to underline the apparently growing gulf between our twenty-three and Malkoa’s neophytes – Healy clearly had to send out a message to his squad and the home supporters alike, that mediocrity was no longer acceptable in this brave new era. And heavens, he did just that: Tom Smith and Dionísio Madeira Lobos, arguably C&M’s two key players of WC42, were dropped to the bench.

Ostensibly, this was to ‘give them a rest’ and ‘try out new things’, but the manager wasn’t fooling anybody. Barring their exclusion, after all, this side looked identical in form to the one that took the CoH32 title in Zwangzug, with Healy plainly unwilling to shift from a winning formula just yet. Matteo Corradini – his name neither cheered nor booed when read out pre-match – and Connor Mengucci still stalked the midfield, with Harris Dixon and God’s Power Adekunde looking forwards from the back in support of Jamie González and Aaron Kortsarian. But today was always going to be about four men – Smith, Dionísio, and their replacements.

On form for Juavi FC, Abdul Ibadulla was clearly a given. The twenty-one year-old instantly became one of the Big Blues youngest starters when he picked up his fourth cap yesterday, and knew that he had ninety minutes – or perhaps less – to make his case for permanently replacing Smith. As for Dionísio, his obvious successor was Robin Jacobs, the youngster having already found the net for the Big Blues as a second-half sub against Saturday Sport; and anywhere else he surely would have been given his own first start for the senior team.

Unfortunately for our colleagues on the Gassett Candelariasian, hoping to frolic in their celebrating-modern-C&M’s-socio-cultural-diversity shtick; the prospect of a young Muslim and younger Jew taking centre stage as our unlikely saviours was dashed by fate and scheduling. For only the second time, C&M were based in El din – so step forward El din Marbles star Jack Marshall. He’s pretty much deaf, y’know? Have we mentioned that lately?

That affliction – if we’re permitted to call it such – is by no means unknown in international sport. Haxa I Sira and Vaka Iuliana were never short of impressive for the former Rejistania, despite relying on light signals from the touchlines, while Sakura Jo over at Southport has made a name as a very solid goalkeeper indeed. Marshall benefits – if one can call it that – from whistles directly into his ears of a decibel value to cause physical pain to most of the rest of us, but at the age of twenty-eight everything has finally come together for this Albrecht FC product, here at his adopted home ground.

It was nearly so very different. After eighty second at the Little Road Stadium, Colbourne took the lead, Carlos Guevara – and I’m willing to bet that their were more than a few namesakes of his in the stands – receiving Mengucci’s sloppy pass and cutting infield towards Derek Robinson. The number thirty-three still had plenty to do, but showed a superb change of pace to leave Steven Williams for dead and unleash an absolute cracker past Joel Sbaïz.

Barely a minute later only the Chelmar FC stopper’s feet were enough to deny Dan Barret from putting the visitors two-nil up, and that would’ve been a sight to see – the paper-mill barons and shanty-town dwellers of El din joining in unison to berate their national team. Thankfully that didn’t come to pass, and on six minutes Marshall got a sustained spell on the ball for the first time, played a quick one-two with González, stormed into the box and launched the ball into the top-corner as it rebounded off Abdus Wynne.

Right about now, it doesn’t take much to get a party started along Little Road – not when the Marbles are flying high in the CMSC1 despite having lost pretty much every member of their first team to injury at one point or another already. At the heart of their domestic form is Marshall, and he was soon the fulcrum of the C&M attack as well. Perfect touches played in Ibadulla and González for fine chances as the first half wore on, before the Marshall himself skied over from good, self-made, positions on two occasions. Finally, just a couple of minutes before the whistle, he benefited from big deflection to put the home side into a deserved lead. It would’ve been going in in any case, but it hardly matters either way – Colbourne defender Jeff Marshall got the final touch, making J. Marshall’s place in the record books safe.

C&M won the second-half by the same scoreline, in a consummate performance that still highlighted their weaknesses a times. Corradini, who endured only a smattering of chants expressing support for his execution, had played well up until the fifty-first minute, when he gave the ball away on the edge of his area. Julius Ibrahim was left with a gaping hole to fill, Williams and Enrique Silva de Aviz having been pulled well apart by impressive Colbourne wing play, and the striker launched a hit-and-hope effort that surprised everyone by actually hitting.

The Candelariasians were back in front barely three minutes later, with Kortsarian earning a corner and delivering into the box. The right-back Dixon got the faintest of touches on it to head home, and from then on a C&M victory looked the only plausible result. It could have been six, but they settled for four – Ibadulla bundling home his first with fifteen minutes remaining.

Healy praised his side, and rightfully so, for this was not a bad performance, per se – merely nowhere near as dominant as it perhaps should have been. Three points aside however, it hardly answers any of the burning questions. Did Marshall, despite a quiet second forty-five, really do enough to oust Dionísio for the trip to Jey? Did Ibadulla? Are they really going to scare Cafundéu or Rennidan in the way that their predecessors surely could?

And the nagging doubt still remains, when one looks at World Cup qualifying so far. The Capitalizt SLANI lie fifth in their group, the more renowned half of the UCS apparently set for an embarrassing failure. Demot are second, but that long prophesised ‘golden era’ still looks a world away. Starblaydia were beaten by Lovisa this week, which says it all. And Bettia as so bad they haven’t even been entered, to save the humiliation of this once proud sporting nation. C&M were unbeaten against these four at World Cup 42, and weren’t we oh-so proud about it? Now, perhaps, we’re starting to realise why. We beat Colbourne this week – and I think, in all honestly, we’ve got to be satisfied with that.

World Cup 43 Qualifying, Group 10, Matchday Nine
@ The Little Road Stadium, El din

Candelaria And Marquez 4
Marshall 6 and 43, Dixon 54, Ibadulla 75

Colbourne 2
Robinson 1, Ibrahim 51

__________________

The Albrecht Herald Online>Sport>Latest News

Healy insists WZ team ‘is his own’ C&M manager Kris Healy has indignantly stressed that his team selected to take on West Zirconia tomorrow was entirely of his own choosing, despite claims of political influence.

After having been widely expected to select and eleven closely resembling, in form and substance, which he put out against Colbourne; a team apparently arrayed in a 4-4-2 formation has been named, including all five members of the squad who play their club football for Arrigo Portuguese.

Though described as a ‘vital chance to recharge our batteries ahead of the second half of the campaign’ by the CAMAFA, the organisers of tomorrow’s game are open in admitting that the match also forms part of the ongoing (and seemingly never-ending) celebrations of the twenty-fifth anniversary of the twinning arrangement between Moorcroft and Arrigo. Portuguese manager Matthew Tortini will be in attendance, and City Council leader Estela del Castillo has been named among the official welcoming party.

World Cup 43 Mid-Qualifying Friendly
@ Manchester Street, Moorcroft, West Zirconia

West Zirconia (possible): 4-4-2; Gray (Aliança); Paterson (GIZ), Fox (St. A.’s), Faulkner (Mkhm.), Phillips [c] (Rdw. Fst.); McGowan (Mark.), Williams (Bradley S.), French (Bnks.), Hawthorne (Serrano); Foster (R. Forest), Griffiths (Bks.).

Candelaria And Marquez (probable): 4-4-2; Currey (Caires C.); Quirot (Arg. Ptg.), Williams [c] (A.Turks), Silva de Aviz (A.F.F.), Adekunde (PoC); Cohen (A.Tks), Ely (Ag. Pgs.), Madeira Lobos (Cs. City), González (Arrigo P.); Smith (A. P.), Johansson (Arrig. Portugues.).

Greal

02-11-2008, 23:44

Vephrall

03-11-2008, 03:37

Mid-qualifying friendly results are now available. (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=14157312#post14157312)

Qazox

03-11-2008, 04:33

OOC: Did I blank out for a day I thougt the one in 12 hours time was MD6. Or did they do two match days in a small amount of time? I had this RP for the Qazox game and is now gone.

(ooc, I guess you blanked out for the day then, or it might have to do with DST ending.)

QSPN.Com World Cup Coverage
Following a 1-0 in in Valanora over co-hosts Vephrall, Qazox prepares to face teh 2nd half of qualifying and are in prime position to qualify for the Ninth consecutive time.

In other sporting news, We have the latest NSWCBCS Standings though they are a bit skewed since the Daehan rankings haven't been available in a few weeks. But our Five trusty computers can spit out all sorts of complicated nonsense that can make sense if we spin it right.

NEW NSWCBCS Formula: 33% of our Computer rankings (the average of the 5 computers rankings) , 34% of Green wombat's ranks and I mean 33% Record, (the Higher the Pts, the better the ranking)

TOP 16 NSWCBCS teams

Daehanjeiguk 25.08
Cafundeu 24.79
Tynelia 23.68
The Holy Empire 19.56
Bostopia 19.51
Bazalonia 17.39
Qazox 16.85
Jasiyun 16.79
Kura-Pelland 16.73
The Archregimancy 13.22
Taeshan 11.53
Wentland 11.52
Demot 10.72
Starblaydia 10.11
Jeruselem 9.89
Sorthern Northland 9.82

Prux

03-11-2008, 04:40

ESPN Journal of Sport
November 24, 1944

Prux vs. West Zirconia, Game 7 of qualifying
by: Saul Werth

Zombie Just Fontaine scored twice, leading the Zombies past Kelssek into 2nd place in Group 2. Prux leads Yafor 2 by a point and Kelssek/West Zirconia by 4 points and trail Tynelia by 5 points. Up next is a three game road trip through Bushdome, Thoughts of Randomness and Tynelia. If the Zombies can get at least 4 or 5 points out of the trip, then they'll be in great position to qualify for the World Cup.

MD1: vs. Bushdome WIN 3-1
MD2: vs. Thoughts of Randomness D 2-2
MD3: vs. Tynelia Lost 2-3
MD4: @ Yafor 2 D 1-1
MD5: vs. United Island Empires W 4-1
MD6: vs. West Zirconia W 3-1
MD7: vs. Kelssek W 2-0
QUALIFYING BREAK
MD8: @ Bushdome
MD9: @ Thoughts of Randomness
MD10: @ Tynelia
MD11: vs. Yafor 2
MD12: @ United Island Empires
MD13: @ West Zirconia
MD14: @ Kelssek

OVERALL: 4-2-1
Projected: 8-3-3

Goal Scoring:
Zombie Ronaldo- 7
Zombie Just Fontaine- 5
Zombie Pelé- 3
Zombie Zinedine Zidane- 2

Dancougar

03-11-2008, 05:05

Dancougar News!!
Harry Redknapp could clean up Washington?

Rockets seize initiative for second half qualifiers: The scoreboard called the match a 2-2 draw, but the result earned by the Newmanistan Rockets in Yuki City against the Black Wings can only be regarded as a tactical victory. If the teams stay as tight as they are now, our prediction might come true that the final match between the two decides everything.

"The draw gives them some weight in terms of tiebreakers later, but it's too early to consider that; it's all academic," said Solomon Bilbao. "Lots of things can still happen. We could get hot, we could cool down, same with them or anyone else. We'll take it one match at a time."

The chances came thick and fast in the first twenty minutes, with Jeremy McAllister and Shishio Jinguuji each taking their turns. Jinguuji's effort in the 14th followed a buildup through Kazuki Midorikawa, who made a run to draw the defense out of position. His pass led Jinguuji all the way, and the forward ran onto it, pushing past veteran defender Tony Borsinger for a look at goal. But he attempted to whip the ball back across his body, sending it right into the arms of goalkeeper Chris Kusler, who was rushing across his goal to close down the opening. That kicked off a Black Wing rally that saw one Midorikawa effort get blocked at the top of the box by Jeremy Brooker, and in the 18th, Jinguuji slipped the ball through to Dan Potts who tried to meet it first-time but the ball struck his shin, sending it flying over the bar.

The midfielders started to close down the available space, choking off the flurry of shots. Dale Stevens and Brett Prescott made their presence felt for the Rockets, while Lyle Dylandy and Kevin Underwood fought back for the Wings. The referee kept a close eye on the tackles, but it has to be said, he let them play. The game continued to swing back and forth. One sequence featured no fewer than three lunging tackles, any one of which might have been whistled in another game. Underwood dispossessed Scott Carlson and pushed it upfield to Anthony Ingram, whose long ball was headed clear by Brooker. Newmanistan would attack again, only to see Benjamin Whittaker get tangled with Stevens. Stevens was up a heartbeat after Whittaker, as the referee waved play-on. Whittaker got off a pass to Jinguuji, only to have it immediately tackled away by Prescott.

"Brett's a tough guy to deal with, but they've got a bunch of guys now who are taking after him," said Underwood. "In a game like this, you have to just keep moving. Get up on your feet and match them hit for hit. You have to make them respect you."

The Rockets eventually used their physicality to boost their confidence, as the Black Wings' five-man midfield was unable to generate any pressure. This invited more Rockets forward, and Scott LaFave sprung a fast break with a long aerial pass to Shawn Drummond on the touchline. In one quick move, he pushed the ball past Whittaker with the outside of his foot and started a rush down the side. Several Rockets ran on goal and the Wings gave chase. Drummond whipped it into the middle for McAllister, who fired a low shot that Jinguuji was unable to handle. It bounced dangerously through the six-yard box where Carlson made it 1-0. He and Milan van der Horst were running stride for stride and both slid for the ball, with Carlson just getting a toe to it first.

This woke up the Black Wings, who would get three more chances before halftime. In the 39th, Dylandy won a free kick thirty yards from goal and attempted to pick out the head of Jinguuji, but it went too far and easily cleared by Borsinger. Then, in the 43rd, Kevin Underwood stepped into a pass from Ingram and had his volley punched out of play by Kusler. The resulting corner resulted in the equalizer. Dylandy's outswinger was headed down by Midorikawa. It bounced under LaFave, who failed to clear it, and it was swept home by Jinguuji, who waited patiently eight yards out. A hard-fought first half ended 1-1. The goal was Jinguuji's 30th international goal, tying Hideo Ikeda's career mark.

The Wings attempted to press their advantage in the second half, immediately testing Kusler. After a rare Prescott turnover in the 48th, Benjamin Whittaker ran down the left side and fired a cross before Borsinger could close him down. It fell to Potts, who headed it straight at Kusler. Then, in the 52nd, the Wings nearly broke the game open. Alex Parnett's square ball for Prescott was too soft, and Ingram fired a long pass in the direction of Dylandy, who went off on a run as soon as Ingram made the pick. Brooker was the only defender in a position to do anything against the rush, and had two options. He could play the ball and leave the middle of the field completely undefended, or he could hang back and let Dylandy do as he pleased. He opted to charge at his Dunboor teammate, throwing himself wildly at the ball before the Irishman could poke it to a wide open Jinguuji.

"I usually beat him to those in practice," Dylandy said. He and Brooker both play for Dunboor FC in Cafundeu, and shared a laugh on the pitch despite the magnitude of the play. "I can't think of anyone else crazy enough to attack like that, but that's what makes Jeremy one of the best."

Dancougar would get the go-ahead goal anyway, on the hour. Dylandy threaded a pass into the eighteen for Dan Potts, who snuck past Booker and aimed a shot between Kusler and the near post. Kusler went down for it and attempted to push it wide, but his misjudged the power of the shot and parried it into the side netting. The score stood at 2-1 and the lead nearly doubled minutes later, but Potts once again ballooned it over the bar. Midorikawa stepped into a pass from Parnett intended for a streaking McAllister, and once again found Whittaker running down the left side. He squared it for the oncoming Ingram, who was attacked by Michael Harrison. Ingram nimbly stepped over the ball and Potts had a free shooting lane. Kusler dove for the corner and watched happily as it passed over everything.

"My eyes got big, I got greedy, and I just got under it," said Potts. "You don't get too many good looks like that."

McAllister tried to get his team off their heels by dropping back into midfield to direct attacks forward. His judgment proved to be the difference maker, as the Rockets slowly won back their swagger. In the 73rd, they showed the traveling fans that they weren't finished yet, as Drummond was unlucky not to score. Watanabe made a leaping save on his shot, pushing it wide with his fingertips. A Dylandy corner kick in the 78th turned immediately into a lightning counter, when a long ball from Brooker picked out Parnett. He pushed it past Ingram into the open field, and Stevens ran onto it. The Wings scrambled back to cover the play, and they were lucky when Stevens' cross was poor and snagged out of midair by Watanabe. But this turned out to be a precursor for the 80th, when good reflexes by Casey Berber were all that prevented McAllister from slipping into the box.

The minutes ticked away, but the chances didn't stop. In the 85th, Dylandy fired a shot from thirty yards away that Kusler could only punch out of danger. It got as far as the top of the eighteen, where Underwood chested it down ahead of LaFave and strained to get a shot off before Borsinger's backup arrived. The effort went two yards wide to the left, but Kusler was hopelessly beaten. Then in the 87th, the Rockets won a free kick at the top of the box for a careless foul by Berber, who held back McAllister's run with a tug of the shirt. He escaped a yellow, and Prescott pounded the ball into the wall.

In any other game, you'd feel comfortable up that late at home. But this is Newmanistan vs. Dancougar. To the rest of the world, it's just another game between mid-tier teams still trying to make it big. But these guys think differently, and the first seconds of injury time ticking away, McAllister - with his young son watching from behind the Rocket bench - gave the 70,000 gathered at the National Stadium a present for staying all the way to the end in the form of a dramatic equalizer.

Dancougar had burned a few seconds bringing in defender Brad Leeds to make it a 4-4-2, and the Rockets took a throw-in deep in the Dancougar third. Calvin Lane, whose speed down the side of the field won the throw-in, received the ball and passed it back to Prescott, who fired a cross directly into the box. It was headed out by van der Horst, but it fell to McAllister, who timed his shot perfectly. Watanabe had come out to play the cross and was struggling to get back. He leaped backwards as the shot flew it, arching fruitlessly to reach the shot, which crashed into the goal just under the crossbar.

"His composure is insane," said Watanabe, who has only one shutout in nine internationals this year. "A lot of guys would have turned that into a souvenir." As it turned out, it did, as McAllister recovered the match ball and presented it to his son after the final whistle closed the book on the 2-2 draw.

Dancougar remain three points clear of Newmanistan but fell to third in the group after Lovisa's home win over Starblaydia. Both the Black Wings and Rockets must play the group leaders on the road in the second half, making it a distinct possibility that their matchday fourteen clash in Newmanistan will decide final classification in Group 8.

Matchday eight preview: @ Glaycia (2-1-4): And we're back to where we started, and the Wings will want to pick up six points in the two matches leading up to the road tie with Starblaydia. Glaycia are coming off a 1-0 road win against Myedvedeya, as the bottom half of Group 8 continues to conspire to make all attempts at prediction fruitless.

Glaycia lost the last match in Dancougar 5-1, and in that game, they looked completely outclassed. The Wings were able to dominate possession in midfield and made their chances count, and Jinguuji's hat trick in that game arguably started his torrid scoring run that stands at eight goals in seven games. But the Black Wings have also had trouble scoring on the road since smashing the Bostopian Empire, only having a single goal to show to the traveling fans.

Coming off a physical 2-2 draw with Newmanistan, the Wings should be in the right frame of mind to earn a win. The match was a complete team effort that exercised a lot of the Wings' strengths and weaknesses, and if Solomon Bilbao has learned anything from the experience, he'll have this team purring. Prediction: Dancougar 2 @ 0 Glaycia.

Taeshan

03-11-2008, 05:28

Knights Defeated in Friendly

It was a nice night for a ball game in Daehanjeiguk were one of the biggest mid World Cup rivalry games was taking place between the Purple Knights of Taeshan and the home team. The two teams know eaxch other well and it showed in there sportsmanship. An exciting contest proved that they were two of the best in the world.

Oh sorrow, oh mercy. Well they obviouslt lost. But Brian Ying Uing and doug Newier scored, but it was not enough.(yo Dae when are you gonna post those big 5 or so day new rankngs)

Jeruselem

03-11-2008, 06:16

Jacinta Sallad being a nuisance as usual ...

Jenny: Howz the back holding up?
Jacinta: It's OK, need to have a bit of physio every day.
Jenny: Maybe you should just slow down, you're not getting any younger.
Jacinta: Like how?

Jenny: Just not try to kill yourself on the field.
Jacinta: I suppose I'm not getting much younger either.
Jenny: Just settle down and not get into messy tackles.
Jacinta: Well, I should if I want more kids!

Jenny: Think you'll be alright for another 7 games?
Jacinta: Maybe I should leave the crazy stuff to Marie.
Jenny: That's going be hard with Sadie missing.
Jacinta: Poor Sadie, she can't work.

Jenny: Yes, she's out of the team for quite a while. She works hard for a Dallas.
Jacinta: You saying I'm lazy?
Jenny: You and your sister are lazy. Marie isn't much better.
Jacinta: But we don't a lot of training!

Jenny: Your definition of training is different to mine.
Jacinta: What do you think of Myedvedeya?
Jenny: They don't score a lot of goals for an attacking team.
Jacinta: Maybe they spend all day defending because we attack as well.

Jenny: It's all about possession Jacinta. You can't win a game if you can't get the ball.
Jacinta: I suppose that's what midfielders are for.
Jenny: Yes, your sister is the world's best time waster.
Jacinta: What do you mean?

Jenny: You know what I mean ...
Jacinta: Spending too much time with Dazza Dallas.
Jenny: Well, Kate is a Dazza Dallas.
Jacinta: Anyway, they didn't get much of the ball.

Jenny: Hey, someone said you mine your songs.
Jacinta: I'm no Villi Vanilli, I'm going take up music full time when I can't play football.
Jenny: Solo career?
Jacinta: Well, my cousin is a Princess who has better things to do.

Secristan

03-11-2008, 10:34

VICTORY WITH, NOT OVER JERUSELEM

It was the longest auction in Secristani history for a sporting event. The bids were just going up and up for the chance to see the great Princesses of Jeruselem in Amherst. Even seats that just a week ago had sold for 2 rusas for the game against Chutnusak were selling for 200 rusas for this game. Not only was it a chance to see their fine athletes, who are world renowned for many different exploits. There were also rumors that the great Dazza Dallas could be in attendance. Whether they were true or not didn’t matter, it was the closest opportunity that they would ever have to see the soccer and business legend without having to travel to Jeruselem. Her family is well known in the sporting world, but Dazza also has a reputation for being a very bright businesswomen, and that alone would excite the upper class. The Secristan Department of Sports was hoping for an average bid price to exceed 500 or 600R. What they didn’t expect is for it to exceed 1000R. Some very wealthy individuals made sure they got the seats closest to the Jeruselem sidelines. A chunk of these were reserved for Jeruselem officials in appreciate for their willingness to allow some of their athletes to be used in Secristani promotions, so in excluding these few freebies (and stop complaining that the SDOS did this), the average bid price was 1136R per seat. SDOS Rep Katie Simpson had a tear in her eye when she gave us the following remark, “This day has just been so unbelievable. The revenue that we generated for this game is just off the charts. We never could have imagined this. Our people were really excited about seeing the Jeruselem team and they showed how much with their wallets. I am just so grateful for all of it. This has been a great day. I have to thank them for their acceptance of the different things we asked to do with their players, and hope it will be a win-win for both countries. The Jeruselem players were very pleasant throughout everything too. They didn’t have to be, but they were.” Businesses that had promotions before and during the game using the likenesses of the Princesses were thrilled with the response as well. We expected it to be big. We didn’t think it would be quite this big, making us learn a very valuable lesson. Never underestimate the power of attractive young women to get wealthy men to spend money.

With all this fan fare, there was a special treat! The fans got to see a soccer game to go along with it! Jeruselem disposed of the Millionaires rather easily, by the score of 2-0, a result that surprised no one. Unless you were expecting a rout. Secristan has been struggling of late, ands has fallen to 2-1-4. The record is a downer and could deflate some interest in future games. It’d be nice to get back in the win column. The win column in the standings, not the one in the SDOS’ wallets.

The Archregimancy

03-11-2008, 13:46

THE EPISTLES OF POLYCARP

The Letter of Polycarp to the Jaseuyeon team of the UCS

To the Not Quite As Good As the SLANI UCS Jaseuyeon Squad: Greetings

We know this comes up every time we play one of the two squads from the UCS, but it's perhaps worth quoting St. Paul's first epistle to Timothy again:

1 Let as many servants as are under the yoke count their own masters worthy of all honour, that the name of God and his doctrine be not blasphemed. 2 And they that have believing masters, let them not despise them, because they are brethren; but rather do them service, because they are faithful and beloved, partakers of the benefit. These things teach and exhort.

3 If any man teach otherwise, and consent not to wholesome words, even the words of our Lord Jesus Christ, and to the doctrine which is according to godliness; 4 He is proud, knowing nothing, but doting about questions and strifes of words, whereof cometh envy, strife, railings, evil surmisings, 5 Perverse disputings of men of corrupt minds, and destitute of the truth, supposing that gain is godliness: from such withdraw thyself. 6 But godliness with contentment is great gain. 7 For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out. 8 And having food and raiment let us be therewith content. 9 But they that will be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and hurtful lusts, which drown men in destruction and perdition. 10 For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.

11 But thou, O man of God, flee these things; and follow after righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, meekness. 12 Fight the good fight of faith, lay hold on eternal life, whereunto thou art also called, and hast professed a good profession before many witnesses. 13 I give thee charge in the sight of God, who quickeneth all things, and before Christ Jesus, who before Pontius Pilate witnessed a good confession; 14 That thou keep this commandment without spot, unrebukable, until the appearing of our Lord Jesus Christ: 15 Which in his times he shall shew, who is the blessed and only Potentate, the King of kings, and Lord of lords; 16 Who only hath immortality, dwelling in the light which no man can approach unto; whom no man hath seen, nor can see: to whom be honour and power everlasting. Amen.

17 Charge them that are rich in this world, that they be not highminded, nor trust in uncertain riches, but in the living God, who giveth us richly all things to enjoy; 18 That they do good, that they be rich in good works, ready to distribute, willing to communicate; 19 Laying up in store for themselves a good foundation against the time to come, that they may lay hold on eternal life.

I'd particularly recommend the frequently-misquoted verse 10, and verses 17 to 19. I mean, does all of that unbridled pursuit of wealth in your nation really help your squad sleep at night. It certainly doesn't guarantee you footballing victory, as your rather limp 1-0 home loss to the monks last night demonstrated (though I'll be the first to concede that it doesn't necessarily hurt, either, as the proud record of the UCS's senior team shows). Great goal by Fr. John Cassian, though, wasn't it? That's how to play from the wing.

Anyway, I digress. You'll notice that, contrary to misquoting, St. Paul never actually says that money itself is evil, merely that the love of money is the root of all evil. Not quite the same thing. It's not that we think you're wrong to make your successful businessmen incredibly wealthy (would be rather hypocritical if we did given the Orthodox Church's long record of interaction with Imperial powers), just that we think you might give a moment to give up the endless pursuit of economic power in favour of looking after the poor. Surely the measure of a society's heart isn't in how much money it makes, but in how it looks after the less fortunate.

Just a thought!

Yours in Christ

Fr. Polycarp the Venerable
First Hierarch of the World Cup Committee

Viltek

03-11-2008, 14:14

The people of Viltek, following the sudden influx of new ranking systems, decided to introduce the World Tastiest Looking Teams ranking system!

Vilteki People! (It us, we tasty people!)

Bostopia! (Like greasy, pimple making fast food!)

Myedvedya! (They already fast frozen for freshness!)

Taeshan! (Like headless chickens! Fun to chase and eat!)

The Archregimancy! (Closest thing to organic, chemical free food!)

Newmanistan

03-11-2008, 15:08

THE ROCKET REPORT

MID-QUALIFYING REPORT CARD

We have reached the halfway point of qualifying, and Newmanistan so far is doing their traditional “playing according to their rank”. They are ahead of the teams you would have expected them to be ahead of, and they are behind the teams that they are also behind in the rankings. This puts the Empire in fourth place in the eighth group, and look more and more destined to be defending their Cup of Harmony title. The campaign hasn’t necessarily been “bad”, it just hasn’t been good enough. It’s like when your son or daughter comes home with their report card from school and has mainly C’s and a couple B’s. They’re doing good enough to avoid a punishment, but deep down, you really want to see them do better. Our Rockets are going to get their report card too, and you will see some variation here in grades. Some are at the head of the class, while others should lose their allowance.

Coach: Brian Carson- The team did not come out of the gates like they should have, with a draw against the Bostopian Empire on the road. While we tried not too make to big of a deal about this at the time, if Newmanistan fails to get three points from this team when the second half kicks off in Centralia, then we have to question his history against low ranked team again. Newmanistan also played poorly against Alversia, but were fortunate to escape with a win. While the draw with Dancougar was nice, it would have been nice to have picked up something against Starblaydia or Lovisa since those were both our home games with those sides. It’s a brutal second half, with road games against those top two teams, plus a game in frigid Myedvedeya. These games come back-to-back-to-back. Not to mention, Dancougar does better against us here then they do there. It’s not a failure, but it hasn’t been great. Grade: C.

GK: Corey Hennis (injured; out for rest of qualifying, plus WC Proper or Cup of Harmony)- Corey suffered a devastating injury against Lovisa. Up to that, we have to give him mixed results. He didn’t play well against Lovisa, and at least one more save against the Bostopian Empire would have nice. Grade: D.

GK: Chris Kusler- There had always been a brewing controversy that Kusler had surpassed Hennis as the nation’s best goalkeeper as far back as before World Cup 42 qualifying, but Carson went with the experience. Now he has his chance and will do his best to make sure that even when Corey is healthy, that the starting job is still his. Kusler’s first two games were clean sheets, against Alversia and Glaycia, and then he had a strong performance in the thrilling draw with Dancougar. For now we base his grade on his 2-1-0 record. Can Newmanistan ride him into the World Cup? Certainly, this is the hope of an Empire. Grade: A.

LB: Jeremy Brooker- Brooker continues to be the unsung hero of the team. Well, he’s not that unsung, but we all know chicks dig goals. Jeremy is now a veteran of over 100 interregional games, and if you do that as a defender, you must be doing something right. And Brooker is. No one’s perfect, but the team is very confident that he will make the big play when they need it, as we saw in the Dancougar game. It’s a shame he’s played in Cafundeu for so long and that this is the best chance we get to see of his talents. Grade: A.

LCB: Tony Borsinger- In general, Tony has done a good job. He’s not going to make the same kind of aggressive plays that Brooker does because that’s just not in his makeup. He’s been beat a few times, but what defender isn’t? You have to also take into consideration that he is coming off a major ACL injury to get back into the lineup. Borsinger is playing within himself, and we’re happy with that. Grade: B.

RCB: Scott LaFave- The 20-year old got the nod from Brian Carson, and he has not let the coach of the team down. He’s shown the intelligence that Carson said that he would display, and right now this is looking like a pretty wise decision. Scott is a good compliment to be beside Borsinger because LaFave is a physical player, and Borsinger is more of the conservative type. Scott had a couple games in the first half where he showed his inexperience, and the grade we give him will reflect this, but in general, he’s done a good job. We expect him to only get better in the second half as well. His big goal against Alversia gets him the B and not a C. Grade: B.

RB: Michael Harrison- The steady Harrison is doing a pretty good job along his wing, and he’s been asked to do quite a bit in qualifying thus far since teams have built a respect for Jeremy Brooker, and when given the choice, elect to attack Harrison instead. Therefore, he is seen on highlight reels of opposing team goals a little more then he would probably like. Overall, we think he’s doing a good job. Maybe a little better is needed, though. Grade: C+.

LM: Dale Stevens- Stevens won the spot thanks to an impressive performance in the Oxen Cup, and so far his performance has been rather hot and cold. He’s had some moments that amaze you and others that make you wish that Kevin Carrigan was ten years younger. It’s not a sure thing that Dale has won this spot as a regular, or even for the rest of qualifying. Right now, we don’t hear too many people campaigning for him to be benched. Consistency will be the key. Grade: C.

CM: Alex Parnett- Alex has been steady in the midfield, performing well, and meeting expectations. What he is not doing, is exceeding them. Carson was hoping for Parnett to be the guy most likely to step up, but Alex has not really done this. He only has two goals, coming in the Lovisa game when the game was well lost and the Myedvedeya game when the match was well won. He hasn’t quite been the difference maker that we’d want to see. He’s done good enough to not be in jeopardy of Carson even thinking about removing him from the starting lineup, but you just feel that he could be doing more. Grade: C+.

RM: Brett Prescott- Who said he’s an old man? The 37-year old Prescott is showing that he still has it. He has scored twice, albeit one was in a friendly so it doesn’t officially count. What that means is that he still has a powerful strike that opponents need to respect. And of course, there’s the physical game. Brett has been just as eager to get rough with the opposition, and we’re not going to allow his red card against Lovisa to affect his grade that much. He was missed against Alversia, if for nothing else, for the energy that he provides the team. Grade: B+

LS: Jeremy McAllister- McAllister is having an excellent tournament, even if he did go three games in a row without a goal (two of the three games were won by the Rockets). He hasn’t had that one huge game yet, but he’s been a steady producer every time he’s been on the field. Even in the games he did not score in, he was a factor, either in setting them up, or in simply firing up the team with energetic play. His goal against Dancougar in the final moments to force the draw sums up the kind of character he has. McAllister will have to be the leader if the Rockets have a second half charge in them. They’re still close enough, and J-Mac is the type of person that can make it happen. Grade: B+.

ST: Shawn Drummond- If you look back at Drummond’s history, you’ll find that he hasn’t scored at the same rate in qualifying efforts as he has in other tournaments he has been in. With this, coach Carson was looking for to become more productive on the scoresheet. He gets chances, just not enough goals. In fact he only has a single goal all qualifying. That’s it. One. Uno. The eyes of the Empire may start to look his way over the second half. He also had a costly red card against Lovisa. If Calvin Lane played better against Alversia, he’s probably still starting. Wake up Shawn. Grade: F.

RS: Brett Carlson- The 20-year old striker has done a fairly good job. There’s been a couple games where we would have liked to see him be more of a factor, but overall and in considering his age, we’re satisfied with Brett. He has three goals thus far, a respectable tally and about what the team likely expected from him. But with Drummond underachieving, wouldn’t it be nice for Carlson to play like he’s seven years older? Grade: B.

Now, for non-starters that have seen adequate enough playing time to be graded......

CB: Brent Treichler- Brent was used late in the games against Alversia and Glaycia and did a good job. Glaycia tried to single him out late in the second half, but Treichs was up to the task. He’s an experienced substitute for the national team, and it shows. Grade: A.

CB: Alex Lampert- The young, highly intelligent defender saw action against Myedvedeya and Starblaydia. He look real strong against the Bears, and even though the Purple Peril scored while he was on the field, it didn’t happen because of something he did wrong. Grade: B.

MID: James Seidler- Seidler played the entire game against Alversia, as it was the contest that Brett Prescott sat out with the red card suspension. James did a pretty good job being the physical presence we hoped to see, but his play in the midfield was quite poor, to be blunt about it. It’s not likely we will see Seidler get any further action unless Prescott gets hurt or suspended again. Grade: D.

MID: Julie McElroy- Julie’s had her spots to get in on the action, and even though she has a bunch of interregional experience prior to qualifying, she seems lost for some reason. It’s not the same Julie McElroy we’ve been used to seeing. We know it’s not polite to say this about a woman, but maybe it’s signs of aging. Grade: D+.

ST: Calvin Lane- Calvin’s been used as a late substitute with the intention of using his blazing speed to the Rocket’s advantage when others around him may be tiring. He’s done a pretty good job in this role. But when he was asked to start in the game against Alversia that Shawn Drummond had to sit out, he was quite bad. I guess Carson has seen where he can use Calvin and where he maybe shouldn’t. Just as a sub. Grade: C.

Others who have played but not enough to receive a grade: Sheldon Talcott & Jennifer Vilardi.

Adihan

03-11-2008, 17:07

Anthony Jones

Hi all. The lads are all enjoying our break right now from both club and international commitments, so there will not be a really long blog post today. Just to quickly catch you up on things, we beat Miroxia 4-0 and then thrashed Australiah 5-0, both at home.

Unfortunately Julian D'Abbo tore some knee ligaments against Miroxia which was not what we needed. I got a goal in the second half, which was nice for me, and got an assist on Jake Holmes' goal nine minutes later. I think I played pretty well, and am pretty happy.

Against Australiah the boss decided to play the second-string, most of them who were once first-teamers. It was good to see lads like Steve Bryson, Francis Yang, George Connor and Jeff Dustin, and even current first-teamer Peter Schilling, all get on the scoresheet again.

Thanks for all the messages about my foundation. I'll let you know how it gets on.

To make up for the lack of a real post, I'll be taking a larger selection of your questions today, which you can email your (with your name and your current location, please) to a.jones.wc43@islandsdaily.co.ad.

How has Julian D'Abbo's injury affected the team?
(David, Flitton)

It was definitely a real downer. It's Julian's final tournament with the national team, as you may be aware. He's contributed so much to the nation and to this team over the years, and to lose him for so long is a blow. We all wish him the best of luck for a speedy recovery and hopefully he'll be back in time for the last few matches of the qualifying tournament.

Do you see yourself leaving Stithis in the near future for a more successful club, perhaps in Candelaria And Marquez, or even back here in Ad’ihan?
(Tommy and Sandy, City of Ad’ihan)

I really don't want to get into any trouble with the club so I'll try to be as diplomatic as possible. We've definitely hit a rough patch these past few seasons, and we finished 13th this past season. We're having a decent run so far this season but I do admit it has crossed my mind that I might soon have to find another club. However, I'm committed to my current contract at Stithis. As for Candelaria And Marquez, it is certainly a top class league and I'd love to play there one day, just as much as I would love a return to Olympique Protectorat.

How happy are you to be captain of Ad’ihan?
(Hunter, Mountbatten Junction)

It's an immense honour which I've held for a few tournaments now. I wouldn't exchange it for the world. To represent your nation is one thing; to lead your nation is a whole different experience, a really humbling one and one which I really enjoy.

Please note that my blog may be taking a break for a while, depending on my availability, as I'll be busy handling some stuff related to my foundation. If this does turn out to be the case, Jake Holmes will make a few posts of his own while I'm away.

Until next time,
Anthony

(Translate this blog entry: French | Spanish | German)

Schedule of matches
Matchday 1: Milchama (A) L1-5
Matchday 2: Liventia (*) D1-1
Matchday 3: Quakmybush (A) W2-1
Matchday 4: Terreiro de Ogum (Stade des Îles) D0-0
Matchday 5: Magnus Valerius (A) W2-0
Matchday 6: Miroxia (Stade Aéroport) W 4-0
Matchday 7: Australiah (Great Mets Stadium) W5-0
Matchday 8: Milchama (Protectorate Stadium)
Matchday 9: Liventia (A, Grovers Park)
Matchday 10: Quakmybush (Tallyn Ground)
Matchday 11: Terreiro de Ogum (A)
Matchday 12: Magnus Valerius (Stade des Îles)
Matchday 13: Miroxia (A)
Matchday 14: Australiah (A)
*Home match, but played in Liventia due to political reasons

Daehanjeiguk

03-11-2008, 20:23

Owing to a rather harsh schedule and unwieldy computation system, we're glad to present the last 4 winners in one comprehensive declaration!

MD5 was sponsored by the IFA Sub-Ministry of Numbers, and each of the winners for MD5 will receive a bug-eating calculator! Whenever you need to chug a number, feed it a bug and it will spit out a number!

Most points earned (MD5): The Holy Empire (+16.59)

Most ranks earned (MD5): Viltek (+5)

Congratulations to the winners!

MD6 was sponsored by Seongyeong Gas and Electrical, and each of the winners will received a spontaneously farting oil derrick! Whenever you need gas, it will spontaneously let off its wonderful load! Unfortunately, the derrick will follow conventions of peak oil principles.

Most points earned (MD6): Colbourne (+19.21)

Most ranks earned (MD6): Swilatia (+4)

Congratulations to the winners!

MD7 was sponsored by the Imperial Ministry of Defense, and each of the winners will receive a model tank. It comes complete with munitions, radar, and submersible scope. Gas not included (this goes great with the oil derrick!).

Most points earned (MD7): Terreiro de Ogum (+18.86)

Most ranks earned (MD7): The Holy Empire (+4)

Congratulations to the winners!

MQ was sponsored by MBC International, and each of our lucky winners will receive copies of a famous MBC dramatization documentary of the fateful WC39 qualifying match between the Imperial Han Football Team and Bostopia - audio and subtitles in original Han only though.

Most points earned (MQ): Valanora (+7.19)

Most ranks earned (MQ): Jeruselem (+3)

Congratulations to the winners!

And your updated MQ ranks:

1 942.09 0 Bostopia
2 924.06 1 Valanora
3 921.06 -1 Cafundéu
4 910.99 0 The Archregimancy
5 908.04 1 Daehanjeiguk
6 901.95 -1 Tynelia
7 898.66 0 Starblaydia
8 890.56 0 Bazalonia
9 882.76 0 The Holy Empire
10 880.06 0 Wentland
11 879.75 1 Qazox
12 876.58 3 Jeruselem
13 875.72 -2 Jasīʼyūn
14 874.79 -1 Milchama
15 867.80 -1 Demot
16 865.84 0 Kura-Pelland
17 863.86 0 Ad’ihan
18 853.59 2 Candelaria And Marquez
19 851.43 -1 Dancougar
20 850.06 -1 Lovisa
21 849.16 1 Yafor 2
22 847.38 -1 Capitalizt SLANI
23 840.92 0 Sorthern Northland
24 832.42 0 Vephrall
25 819.19 0 Taeshan
26 814.03 0 Krytenia
27 805.94 0 Prux
28 802.04 0 Rennidan
29 795.12 0 Yafalonia and Bazor 2
30 782.85 0 Kelssek
31 776.31 0 Septentrionia
32 775.93 0 Blouman Empire
33 773.00 0 Az-cz
34 771.21 0 Quakmybush
35 763.32 0 Jeru FC
36 756.20 0 Newmanistan
37 736.44 0 Green wombat
38 724.32 0 Magna Sancta Sedes
39 720.80 0 KaMaRi
40 720.25 0 Terreiro de Ogum
41 707.97 0 Land de Wood
42 707.17 0 The Macabees
43 682.53 0 Kenavt
44 677.75 0 Kosovoe
45 660.49 0 West Zirconia
46 629.71 0 Liventia
47 628.33 0 An Blascaod Mor
48 620.78 0 Arroza
49 595.96 0 Greal
50 595.48 0 Glaycia
51 591.93 0 Magnus Valerius
52 591.25 0 Universitus University
53 563.42 0 Cokenia
54 558.59 0 Urna Eletrônica
55 555.25 0 Cassadaigua
56 520.28 0 Linpada
57 519.09 0 Secristan
58 510.29 0 Myedvedeya
59 505.84 0 Nethertopia
60 488.64 0 Thoughts of Randomness
61 486.54 0 The Islands of Qutar
62 445.15 0 Dariusville
63 444.74 0 Bushdome
64 443.00 0 Tortuga y Hispaniola
65 441.08 0 Kjomasasopia
66 423.44 0 Docky
67 419.85 0 Alversia
68 412.62 0 Valetaland
69 400.95 0 Deceased Writers Guild
70 387.11 0 Colbourne
71 281.68 0 Vlaskin
72 103.77 0 The Bostopian Empire
73 96.27 0 Miroxia
74 94.00 0 Australiah
75 91.63 0 Viltek
76 80.40 0 Chutnusak
77 78.52 0 Saturday Sport
78 75.04 1 Swilatia
79 74.36 1 Onimar
80 73.36 -2 Panuul
81 67.87 0 United Island Empires
82 57.50 0 Seventy Ninth Entrant

Notes:

* Ranks only include teams participating in the World Cup!
* All zero-ranked (0) teams were given a uniform 100 score.

And the half-way report!

Top 5 teams with most points gained:
Cafundéu (+70.64)
Bostopia (+66.65)
Daehanjeiguk (+61.04)
Tynelia (+56.29)
Lovisa (+55.07)

Top 5 teams with most ranks gained:
The Holy Empire (+12)
Taeshan (+9)
Jasīʼyūn (+8)*
Prux (+8) *
The Bostopian Empire (+8) *
Viltek (+8) *

*tied for third

Top 5 teams with most points lost:
Universitus University (-101.79)
Cokenia (-60.82)
Glaycia (-58.59)
Myedvedeya (-54.23)
Nethertopia (-51.81)

Top 5 teams with most ranks lost:
Capitalizt SLANI (-21)
Universitus University (-9)
Milchama (-8)
Az-cz (-7)
Jeruselem (-6) *
Septentrionia (-6) *
Vephrall (-6) *

*tied for fifth

Alasdair I Frosticus

03-11-2008, 20:23

HEAT PEOPLE OK
THE IMPERIAL CELEB MAGAZINE

URKO URKES - FOOTBALLING LEGEND
The Green-Skinned Superstar Invites Us Into His Lovely Home

Wherever you were when you first heard of Urko Urkes, the Imperial football squad's new scoring sensation, chances are the moment you realised he was a legend in the making was the qualifying match against Swilatia, when the Empire's most eligible green-skinned bachelor singlehandedly destroyed the opposition with a first half hat-trick.

Just what is it that makes Urkes such an amazing player?

Is it the lethal ambidextrous feet?
The unprecedently quick acceleration?
The cheetah-like pace?
The grace and hang-time in the air?
Those devastatingly good looks?

Teenage girls around the Empire, or at least those young women who choose to physically represent themselves as subjective teenagers irrespective of the passage of objective time, have gone gaga over Urkes.

"He's sooooooo dreamy" said a giggling Irene Palaeologo and her chums Theodora, Zoe, Tamara and Maria.

So when Urko invited us into his lovely home, how could we turn the offer down? Young Urkes wasn't around himself when we arrived, but his butler Thomas - who assured us that he was in the service industry as an act of free will 'because I like it' - was happy to show us around.

And what exquisite taste! From the neo-Byzantine living room through to the trad-Slavic bathroom, by way of the Byzanto-Slavic swimming pool and porch, this is a man who knows how to live.

And he has a really big vegetable patch too, with some of the biggest courgettes this reporter has ever seen. You could even say that they're giant courgettes.

Whatever the future holds for Urko Urkes, it seems that he's already arrived on so many levels, and not even a string of fawning cliched platitudes in a glossy magazine can inflate the ego of this most modest of footballing superheroes.

West Zirconia

03-11-2008, 20:28

West Zirconia took the chance to take a break from the cut-throat atmosphere of World Cup Qualifying to renew old acquaintances. Twenty-five-year-old acquaintances, to be precise, as the Candelaria And Marquez team came to Moorcroft to help the celebrations, marking 25 years of twinning between Moorcroft and Arrigo.

Manchester Street was the scene for the celebrations, its pitch looking a little worn after having had various festivals held on it for the past three months - and counting. The match itself was just one activity in a day of celebration, with all the great and the good of both towns gathered, including the leader of Arrigo City Council, Estela del Castillo, and her counterpart, Mayor of Moorcroft Alan Mawdsley. His Royal Highness the Grand Duke was at the match, along with Candelarian ambassador Beth Gilsenan. Arrigo Portuguese manager Matthew Tortini and Moorcroft City manager Pat French were there, in recognition of the part that the two teams played in the original decision to twin the cities.

The Archbishop of Moorcroft, the Most Revd Aaron Price, led a brief service of thanksgiving on the pitch at the start of proceedings, which began with an open-air concert by Moorcroft Brass Band, Arrigo Symphony Orchestra and Moorcroft Male Voice Choir, which was greatly appreciated by the 85,000 spectators present. Then came a 30-minute match between the under-11s of Arrigo's Escuela Santa Maria de Mercedes and Moorcroft's Parkfield Primary School, which the Marquez team won 5-3.

Then came the main match. In recognition of the occasion, visiting manager Kris Healy selected the five national team members that play for Arrigo Portuguese, while Roy Hazell made sure of selecting the two former Moorcroft City players in his eleven, although to be fair, the two in question (top striker Martin Forster and captain Ben Phillips, now both at Redwood Forest) were almost guaranteed to be there anyway.

The game itself was as exciting as the rest of the programme. Both teams attacked from the start, though the goalkeeping of Gray and Currey was enough to keep the score 0-0 for most of the half. It was not until the 40th minute that the breakthrough came, and it was in favour of the visitors. A neat pass from Madeira Lobos found Johansson just outside the penalty area, and his chip into the top corner gave Gray no chance.

In the second half, Hazell tried the all-out attack strategy, taking off Munro and giving Alun Lydiate his fourth cap. This threatened to backfire after Ely doubled the Candelarian lead nine minutes later, but Hazell kept faith with the new formation, substituting like for like later on as Fox was replaced by Gregory. Their persistence paid off as Lydiate scored his fourth in four games, a header from a McGowan corner, but by then it was too late to threaten any further, especially after Smith scored for the visitors in stoppage time. For the second time that day, Candelaria And Marquez had gained the upper hand over West Zirconia.

West Zirconia: Gray, Phillips (c), Fox (Gregory 68), Munro (Lydiate 50), Paterson, Hawthorne, Williams, French, McGowan, Forster, Griffiths.

Candelaria And Marquez: Currey, Quirot, Williams (c), Silva de Aviz, Adekunde, Cohen, Ely, Madeira Lobos, González, Smith, Johansson.

Goals: West Zirconia - Lydiate (83). Candelaria And Marquez - Johansson (40), Ely (59), Smith (92).

Candelaria And Marquez

03-11-2008, 20:46

http://www.thecamafa.cam/candm/seniors/a_day_for_harmony_but_also_a_valuable_chance_to_give_some_fringe_players_a _go_03_11_08.php
A Day For Harmony But, Also, A Valuable Chance to Give Some Fringe Players a Go
By Liam Kelly at Manchester Street, Moorcroft, West Zirconia

A scratch group of Candelariasians defeated highly-fancied West Zirconia by three goals to one in Moorcroft, in an entertaining game that delighted the Moorcroft fans still reeling from their club side’s recent relegation from the West Zirconian top-flight.

West Zirconia, widely expected to make their first World Cup this time around and avoid playing at home in the forthcoming Cup of Harmony, lie behind only Tynelia, Prux and the Yaforites in an open Group 2, and provided a stern test for Kris Healy’s team as they looked to maintain and enhance their fourteen-match unbeaten run in friendly internationals. A sideshow to proceedings were the pre-, mid-, and post-match celebrations of the twinning relationship between Moorcroft and Arrigo, but football was always the star attraction. The match kicked off following a brief, two-hour ceremony that included children’s choirs from the Sacred Heart Cathedral and Turing Street Methodist Church, a light show, clowns, a service of thanksgiving, the Castellano Hill Gay Men’s Chorus, a brass band, local politicians and figures from the CAMAFA and WZFA, a youth match featuring some of C&M’s most talented young stars, and all culminating in a fireworks display and Arrigo-born recording artist Nahiomy Castano rapping from the roof of a Moorcroft Express Taxi.

The game then settled down into one played in the best of spirits, with only six yellow cards a side. In a joyful coincidence, no fewer than five Arrigo Portuguese stars started for the visitors. Their presence was plainly necessary – Tom Smith slipped out of Healy’s thoughts against Colbourne and was eager for an opportunity to lay down a marker to his heir apparent, Abdul Ibadulla; his striker partner Richard Johansson had a valuable opportunity to show that the duo (with six goals between them over the last four league games) were capable of stepping up at international level; Tom Ely could look to put pressure on Connor Mengucci’s place (with heroic captain Matteo Corradini clearly an unshakable stalwart of the first XI); Jamie González was looking to avoid slipping out of the reckoning with Niv Cohen and Aaron Kortsarian in top form; and Andrés Quirot was also there.

Fully and completely justifying their selection; all five performed more superbly under relentless West Zirconian pressure, leaving Healy with a very welcome selection headache ahead of the trip to Jey. Smith’s late goal to leave the score at 3-1 went almost unnoticed, curiously, but the star performer was Dionísio Madeira Lobos, the Caires native setting up Richard Johansson for his first senior goal on his first start. He was justly named man-of-the-match, and the strength of character shown in coming back all the stronger from being dropped against Colbourne is a credit to the midfielder and his Candelariasian countryfolk alike. Tom Ely – with his second goal in as many friendlies – doubled-up for the visitors in the second half and, though Roy Hazell’s men pulled one back from a set piece, C&M never looked likely to have that lead wrestled away from them.

All-in-all then, a highly successful outing. Friends were made, but football was the winner and proved the doubters wrong – this really was all about sport and not in any way, shape or form a politically-driven engagement.

Candelaria And Marquez 3 – 1 West Zirconia
Johansson (C&M) 40
Ely (C&M) 59
Lydiate (WZ) 83
Smith (C&M) 90+2

© The Candelaria And Marquez Association Football Association 2001-2008, All Rights Reserved

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The Archregimancy

03-11-2008, 22:15

THE ORTHODOX RANKING SYSTEM

The Monastic Football Association ranks the most Orthodox participants in the World Cup!

1) The Archregimancy - who else?

2) The Holy Empire - even the Holy Synod of the Archregimancy is only an autonomous synod of the Imperial Patriarchate.

3) Myedvedya - Good Orthodox Russian lads.

4) Magnus Valerius - Good Orthodox Russian lads, but not quite as active as Myedvedya.

5) Bazalonia - The Autocephalous Iconodulistic Orthodox Church of Bazalonia's been a bit quiet recently, but one of the more vibrant minority Orthodox communities

666) Everyone else.

Daehanjeiguk

03-11-2008, 22:27

World Cup 43 Qualification - Group 6
RQ1: @ Krytenia 1-2 (@ Adanac)
MD1: vs (46) MSS 3-0 (@ Sanhaemun Football Stadium, Jinhwangdo - 60,000)
MD2: @ (118) Dariusville 2-0
MD3: vs (159) Vlaskin 4-0 (@ King Kim Iljei Memorial Football Stadium, Malnira - 55,000)
MD4: @ (19) Demot 2-1 (@ Masteron Stadium, Santa Rosa - 78,000)
MD5: vs (31) Krytenia 3-3 (@ Gwangdong Imperial Sports Complex and Stadium, Gwangju - 80,000)
MD6: @ (66) Greal 3-2 (@ Sasha Stadium - 120,000)
MD7: vs (165) Seventy Ninth Entrant 6-1 (@ Silk Road Stadium, Seoan - 56,000)
MQ1: vs Taeshan 4-2 (@ Seobanya National Football Stadium, Daebo - 50,000)
MD8: @ (46) MSS
MD9: vs (118) Dariusville (@ Oromokjei Football Stadium, Oromokjei - 25,000)
MD10: @ (159) Vlaskin
MD11: vs (19) Demot (@ Waella Football Stadium, Hanseong - 43,000)
MD12: @ (31) Krytenia
MD13: vs (66) Greal (@ Munhwa Football Stadium 65,000)
MD14: @ (165) Seventy Ninth Entrant

The fundraiser was going to happen tomorrow. But what it was going to be even what it fundamentally was remained a mystery. Min Hansu had taken the leading role in organizing the event, and people from as far as neighboring provinces had expressed a deep interest in attending the event. He expectedly had a great weight upon his shoulders, as he wondered what it was going to be like. More importantly, would he make enough money?

The property owners spent the day before organizing everything, leaving everyone else in the dark. And whatever it was, it meant that Seunghwa was left taking charge of the bar. Fortunately for her, only the regulars came by, so she had a wonderful time at the table, treating the customers with a fine selection of beers and a platter of sweet and sour pork. Choe Cheolgwan was particularly elated.

"I've finally gotten a draft to a publishing company!" he said.

"A draft?" Hong replied, in between bites. "As in... not the real thing?"

"Well, they're looking at it right now. But I'm pretty confident that they'll like it."

"What's it about?"

"That little girl as a hostess, I told you already," Choe replied. He pointed everyone with his chopsticks. "It's going to be a great story, and everyone is going to read it. Here! I have a draft copy with me right now!"

"Well, read it," Yu said, immediately interested. Choe pulled out his draft from his satchel; it was surprisingly thin.

"That's it?" Hong said. "I thought you said it was a story."

"It's a short story, mind you!" Choe flipped to the first page of the story and began to read it:

She was tending to the customers as they came through the door. It wasn't often that anyone caught her attention, but the sight of one of those customers pushed her mind out of a dreamless sleep and into a surreal existence. It was as if he came into the restaurant encircled in a bright cirque. He approached her and asked for a table for one. Just one? she thought. Right this way, she said, leading him to one of the lonely tables by the edge of the window. It was a convenient spot for her because she could watch him all throughout the meal, from the order to the eating. It seemed as thought each action were majestic and carefully perceived in advance. Each action he made was purpose-driven, but for her, she seemed to lack the same drive.

When she left work that day, the gentleman at the restaurant was the only thing on her mind. In fact, when she dreamed, she dreamed of him only. He became her focus, and as if he were the only fixation upon which her life depended, she couldn't pass even a minute without thinking of him - perhaps even a second. So desperate was her mind that at work the next day, she waited impatiently for the young man's arrival. In true fashion, he returned - as if to give her the pleasure of his company. She took him back to the same chair by the window and watched him all through the meal. And the routine repeated for many days. It became such an obsession that she would keep the table specifically for him, even when the restaurant was at full capacity. We're already full, she would tell the customers until he arrived. Her employers would remind her several times that all customers were to be treated equally - but to her, he was the only thing that mattered.

In due time, her obsession became a poison upon her. She realized that simply thinking about him, she had to know him, become him. Well, not quite the becoming, but certainly, her desires mutated into needs, and the simple hour period in which he would arrive and eat was not enough for her anymore. She wanted to be with him even longer. She would surrender her place at the front to sit with him. Imagine that! The hostess sitting with a customer. The restaurant could only tolerate it so long before they decided that she was a nuisance. Though she begged, she begged with all of her life, they told her that they couldn't afford her to be with them if it meant that she would forsake her employment obligations - treat the customers.

What to do now? She looked around her life for some sense of security. How would she meet him?...

"Wait? That's it?" Hong asked. "That's your story?"

"It is a short story," Choe replied. Min suddenly woke up from her own daydreaming, reflecting her own situation with the protagonist. Only Hong's interruption saved her from becoming too involved in the plot.

"That's hardly a story!" Hong retorted. "Where's the plot? Where's the intrigue? Who are these people?"

"It's only the beginning..."

"Hong, stop criticizing him," Yu said. "It's a nice story."

"I'm finding that this story is progressing way too fast! What does this girl do? She's a hostess, of course. But is that all that she is?"

"Well, she's an obsessed girl," Choe justified, trying to explain that his story was much deeper than what Hong was suggesting. "She's lost in this conception that he is all her life's needs. And when she discovers that her needs cannot be satisfied - because he does not want to be with her, she tries to change it. But she can't..."

"When I was a young man..." Chan then began, putting everyone in a sighed resignation. "... we didn't waste our time with pointless love romances. Love is an irrational feeling, and it becomes a plague upon the soul because the mind continually looks for satisfaction when the only things that matter are living in harmony. Love and hatred - these two are the roots of evil! Because we love, we are biased against all others; because we hate, we are biased against them. The true mind does not seek to make favors, instead choosing to accomplish and judge by merits alone. When I play the geum, I do not selectively choose my audience - I play for everyone!"

"But if you're playing for everyone, to what is your focus?" Choe asked.

"To virtue!"

"But if you continually favor your virtue, aren't you putting love of virtue above all other things? Including romances with others?"

"You cannot love virtue!" Chan said, picking up his chopsticks and slapping Choe's hand. "You must accomplish virtue! To become the excellent human! Excellence above all. Romance gets in the way of that. Otherwise, you will always be the animal that lacks any reason."

"What's so bad about being an animal?" Choe replied. Chan stood up, visibly upset.

"An animal is like those Mujeongbu terrorists who wish to see a decay of society!"

"I don't agree with that," Choe replied. Hong was tacitly nudging him, hoping to avert a crisis, while Yu was patting Chan's shoulder, encouraging him to sit back down. Min - by then fully aware of the situation - was somewhat hiding behind the bar.

"Agree? There is no need for agreement! Man is superior to the ways of the animals, which crawl upon the earth and see no reason or purpose."

"But animals do exist in societies," Choe replied. "The ants are industrious and rely upon each other. The stable animals even suckle their young. But do they love? Can they acknowledge their sentiments?"

"Emotions are a baseless and irrational fabrication that the animals use. I can't believe that you're abandoning all of your good reason to justify the very opposite! And I can see that you're smirking, you insolent child! But I've never known an animal to rationalize anything. And because the human can rationalize, he should not linger on the things are subordinate to excellence. Love does not beget excellence - it begets discord."

"Ya!" Choe yelled - the ultimate insult. On any other day, Choe wouldn't have been as inclined to insult anyone with such a noticeable tone and language. It was obvious that he wanted Chan to react to him. Chan, visibly steaming now, controlled his anger and walked out of the restaurant, saying nothing more. Choe, the insolent man, reclined in his chair, as if seizing a great victory. Seeing that Chan had left, both Yu and Hong slapped Choe. "Hey! What was that for?" Choe asked them

"You're becoming a pest, you know," Yu said. "I don't agree with Chan's old views, but you can't just insult the old man like that! He's been raised in a environment that praised virtue. If you're going to argue with him, at least have respect for him"

"I wouldn't have done it, but he's always so hypocritical."

"I think you're the hypocrite in this situation," Hong replied.

"How so?" Choe retorted. "He extolls virtue as if it were the end of everything! But can't he see that he loves virtue as much I love the human soul?"

"Well, Chan was respectful enough to keep to his virtues, while you seemed to lack any sense of nobility. If love is as noble as you claim it to be, be noble defending it. Otherwise, you only confirm Chan's beliefs. If I were Chan, I'd believe that the young of this age were becoming corrupted too. And people like you don't help that!"

"What would you have me do?" Choe said. "Accept that crap?"

"I don't agree with the man's opinions," Hong answered. "But I accept him." He paused for a short moment. "I think that's the problem with your story. Your heroine wants more than what society is willing to give her, and when she wants to get more, she fails. She wants everything her way. She thinks that she knows everything that she needs, but in the end, she doesn't get anything. Society rejects her, not because it is a cruel thing, because she's too avaricious to accept anything less that what she wants. It's selfishness. And while I don't think it's a good story, I think it does reveal just how immature you are. It's a wonder that you have a license."

Choe didn't seem to like any of what Hong just said, especially that last remark. To suggest that Choe was undeserving to have his license was the equivalent of losing his citizenship. It was an insult, but compared to Choe's rash yell, it was a logically deduced conclusion - one that Chan, if he had demonstrated better logic, would have said himself. And following Chan's example, Choe stood up and left the table. As he exited, Iljun walked into the restaurant. He was confused by the rather tense atmosphere in the restaurant. Min tried to avoid looking at Son, but she found herself looking at him immediately.

"Agasshi - is there something wrong here?"

"Oh, no. We just had... some of them leave early."

"Everyone looks like that they just fought a fight."

Hong looked to Iljun and said to him. "Have a seat, Iljun-a."

Iljun came over, resting his school work by his side. Hong patted his shoulder, evidently trying to comfort Iljun. "How old are you?"

"24."

"And you are at what stage in your Imperial education?"

"Gongsa, 4th rank."

"You know, when I was your age, I was only a Saengweon licentiate, 1st rank. You're well advanced of me, and I don't doubt that you'll do great things in your life."

"What's the point of this?" Son asked.

"Well, you know Choe?"

"Yes."

"You know his age?"

"35."

"And you know his rank?"

"Haeweon Gongsa, 1st rank." [equivalent to Masters]

"Pretty advanced, isn't he?"

"Yes."

"Well, when you get to my age - not a very old age, but not a young one either - you get the opportunity to see whether a person's rank merits their attitude."

"What do you mean?"

"You know that I am a Jinsa Tamjeong, 5th rank. [equivalent to a low-level doctorate, specialized in investigation] So by Imperial examinations, I am his superior, even he is still older than I am. And you know that I have rather potent skills of observation, true?"

"I suppose. I don't really notice much."

"Well, Yu can attest for me."

"He is a great observer," Yu said with approval. Hong then looked to Min, biding her to come to the table. "Have a seat, Min Sshi. This applies to you too." When she sat at the table, Hong continued with his explanation. "There are people who excel in life, but do not excel at anything else. I myself I am not very excellent at many things. I have made my living based on my skills - to see things that others pass for normal. When you look at the mugs on the shelf, you may say that they're just mugs. But I see more than just mugs. The handles all aim in one direction, away from the door. It shows meticulous care. He wants fast service - ergo, he gives fast service. They are all cleaned. He prefers a clean house to a lousy and dirty place. It might not seem that way, but the fact that the mugs are also upside-down further tells me that he doesn't like the dust to settle upon the places where people will eat. He tells Min to wash the bar and the tables. It tells me much about Hansu, qualities that I like in a man."

"What's this all about?"

Yu gently patted Son's hand. "Patience. Just listen to what Hong is saying." It was as if she knew good wisdom when she saw it.

"Choe Cheolgwan - he writes stories, but no one wants to publish them."

"Yeah."

"Why do you think that?"

Son shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. He's unlucky?"

"I don't think he's that unlucky. 33 of his last submissions were rejected."

"I heard that he just gotten one accepted."

"Yes, but not published."

"Well - what about it?"

"Well, we had just watched Choe argue with Chan over what they considered the ultimate purpose in life. Chan says excellence, Choe says love. Which would you say?"

"I don't know. I'm not that sort of philosophical person."

"Philosophy is not merely a sort of dialectic in which the aged indulge. It is the pursuit of our pursuits."

"Well, I do agree that excellence is a good objective, but I'm not sure how love fits in... Well, there are so many ways to say love. Which one do you mean?"

"Any of them."

"Well, love then."

"How so?"

"Because you must be passionate about your life. With passion, you lack a sense of direction."

"And what happens when that passion becomes uncontrolled?"

"I suppose it needs to be tempered."

"With what?"

"Character?"

Hong nodded. "You have a propensity to become more mature than Choe can ever hope to be."

"How so?"

"Well, I'll let you decide how so the next time he comes in for a drink. If he comes back." With that, Hong stood up and left, leaving some change on the counter of the bar. Son shook his head, wondering what the purpose of that little lecture was. Min shook her head as well.

"Hong is a very smart person," Yu then said. "But he sometimes doesn't know how to best explain things. I think what he wanted to say was that when you grow older, don't be blinded by absolutism. The righteous path is not either or; it is a balance. When Chan said excellence, I don't think he meant to say virtue, but personal harmony. There is a time for love and a time for sense - hence, sensible passion."

"Why didn't he just say that?" Son then asked.

"Hong is an observer," Yu replied. "He doesn't believe in instruction. He believes anyone can become a good observer, if only they are willing to pay attention to the details. And I agree with him to a certain extent. Sometimes, people lack the capacity to think beyond what they have been taught to see. And I hope for his sake, that he is able to see that too."

With that, she also stood up and left. At the door, she stretched and noted to Son and Min - "Ah, what a beautiful day! There is still enough sunlight for a good walk home." And she left.

Son turned back to Min, gazing at her. Their eyes connected for a brief moment, but for that moment, Min felt her heart palpitate. Perhaps now was the moment that she had been waiting for? She had been waiting for an opportunity as it was then, but until then, she lacked any courage to say anything. Now, they were alone, and now, she would have the opportunity to confess her love - no more fear, only acceptance or rejection...

"What the heck was that all about?"

"Oh," Min said. "I don't know." Ah, maybe later.

Krytenia

03-11-2008, 22:46

http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c58/Krytenia/thsdNEWS.png

Come On You...Reds?!?
By Rami Niblick at JMC HQ

KRYTENIAN sportswear manufacturer, JMC, unveiled the national side's latest weapon in their attempt to qualify for World Cup XLIII last night - a red and black one-off "Heathen Special" for the home match against the Unholy See in Bromham.

The red and black shirt includes a pentagram, a traditional pagan symbol, in place of the Krytenian six star device, and a black inverted cross on a red background. Rumours abound that the scarlet dye itself is made with a high percentage of animal blood, but this has not been confirmed or denied by JMC.

The grudge match takes place on Wednesday week, four days after a tricky trip to Demot, whom the Aces drew two-all with back on Matchday One. They will wear their traditional sky blue for that one though.

http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c58/Krytenia/KRYvMSS.png

Myedvedeya

03-11-2008, 22:57

The Conversations of the Venerable Lord Nunu Tsarov, Emperor and Autocrat of all the Myedvedeyan Ursines

(Myedvedeya's sentient bears are considered for all intents and purposes to be extremely similar to their humans- the bears follow the same religion, and coexist with the humans in the government. The bears, being an older race, are generally wiser and more devout than the younger, rasher humans.)

Count Pyotr Aleksandrovitch Semshov: My lord, I come to speak to you of a pressing matter

Tsarov: What troubles you, my friend?

Semshov: The plight of our race, my lord.

Tsarov: What is this "plight" of which you speak?

Semshov: We do not represent our nation to the world, my lord. We are not participants in sporting events, nor leaders in diplomacy.

Tsarov: My lord the count, we are the elder race. Why should we trouble ourselves with the trifling affairs of humanity?

Semshov: They are not the affairs of humanity, but the affairs of the world. Our lack of participation will have us relegated to second-class citizens. If we do not assert ourselves now, who knows what will become of our race?

Tsarov: Semshov, Semshov... you are making a great deal of fuss over nothing. What care we what humanity's opinion of us is. We have inhabited these plains far longer than they. We have seen every era of humanity pass, all within a twentieth of our rich history. What, therefore, could possibly make us second-class citizens?

Semshov: But we will be oppressed. We will slowly have our rights taken from us until there are none left.

Tsarov: Educate yourself, Semshov. We bears have always been a subtler race than the humans, and yet, we always end up wielding the power.

Semshov: I do not see how it can be so, my lord.

Tsarov: Allow me to direct your attention towards the church. The patriarch of Moskva, what is his species?

Semshov: Ursine.

Tsarov: And more than half the archbishops, and nearly two-thirds of the bishops' council?

Semshov: Ursine, as well.

Tsarov: There you have just one aspect of our power. How, I ask you, will the humans establish any dominance over us. We control their religion, and therefore, the very basis of their dominance. Ask the church to justify the oppression of the Ursines, and it will be impossible. If the church does not agree, what government would dare pass legislation against us?

Semshov: I still believe...

Tsarov: Quiet, Semshov. I see you are not convinced. Well then, take a look at the military. Who is the commander of the Tsar's Guard?

Semshov: Marshal Rostov.

Tsarov: And what is his race?

Semshov: Ursine.

Tsarov: So how are the bears to be oppressed? We control the highest position in the church, and the highest position in the military. So, we do not have footballers, but that is hardly a "plight" of the species.

Semshov: But we must compete with the humans, to show the true abilities of our species and our nations.

Tsarov: The competition and one-upmanship of humanity are hardly worth our attention, much less our participation. You would do well, my young comrade, to spend less of your time worrying about a conflict of the races, and more time studying. Read the scriptures, and read the words of the great orators. Enlighten yourself, and you will not see a disaster in everything you behold.

Semshov: But my lord...

Tsarov: I will not hear another word, my lord the count. I am retiring to my rooms, as I have an address to write. Trouble me no further with your conspiracy theories, until you have a basis for your arguments in fact.

Greal

03-11-2008, 23:35

Newmanistan

03-11-2008, 23:48

THE ROCKET REPORT

IMPROVEMENTS NEEDED

Centralia, Newmanistan- We are set now to begin the second half of World Cup 43 qualifying, with the team needing to improve in order to avoid needing to defend their Cup of Harmony championship. From the major injury to Corey Hennis to the only one goal scored by Shawn Drummond, to the inspired by play of Chris Kusler in Corey’s place and Jeremy McAllister’s efforts to carry the team, the Rockets have seen both the highs and the lows that you are accustomed to this time of year. The 13 points in which Newmanistan was accrued could be good enough to qualify if they were in three other groups, but this Group 8 is a tough one. Starblaydia has done what we expected and the silent assassins of Lovisa have had a terrific tournament, including a win over the Purple Peril that certainly didn’t help our cause. Dancougar is the team that at the moment is the most likely one to catch, if we are to catch someone, but even the Black Wings seem to be in a good position. The second half will begin in Centralia against the Bostopian Empire, where the Rockets can ill afford to do anything but pick up three points. It is the first time that Centralia has been awarded a World Cup qualifying game, so hopefully the Rockets can feed off this. I (Clint Peterson) sat down with coach Brian Carson to discuss things.

CP: Good afternoon everyone, I am here with the coach, Brian Carson. Welcome, Brian.

BC: Thanks, Clint.

CP: Well here we are, about to kick off the second half of qualifying. Looking back, what is your opinion of the first half?

BC: Like any other team, we’ve had our ups and downs. We’ve experience a tough blow with the injury to Corey Hennis, but Chris Kusler is going to do whatever he can to carry the team, and maybe this can provide us the kind of spark we need to have a better second half and find our way into the World Cup.

CP: While I don’t think we’d say the team was playing bad, they clearly could be playing better. What needs to happen, a couple players seem to be underachieving quite noticeably.

BC: Our game preparation, I feel, has been good. It was tough to go in the Bostopian Empire to play a team associated with a World Cup powerhouse for their first ever interregional game. They played with tremendous heart. Other then that, we had some pretty good results besides the one game where we completely fell apart against Lovisa.

CP: The Lovisa game was the one game where this team should not have fell apart. Playing 63 minutes two men down just cannot happen in a game of that importance. Plus, the team did not play well against Alversia even though they escaped with a win.

BC: Well, the red card to Brett Prescott in that game was given to him because of his reputation, not because of his actual action. Shawn Drummond didn’t use his head and I have spoken to him about that. You’re absolutely right though in saying we were terrible in the game that we needed the most, but we will be going there later on in qualifying and looking to make amends. Against Alversia, because of the red card suspensions, we had to thrust a couple people into the lineup that weren’t as familiar with their teammates, and a lot of things we didn’t do well against them were things that could be attributed to not having a lot of training time together. We pulled out the win thanks to a great play by Scott LaFave, so I’m not going to harp on any of the negatives from that game.

CP: What have you done to ensure that the team won’t lose, or draw the Bostopian Empire again? Perhaps one could buy the “no one’s ever seen any of these people” reasoning from the last game, but that will no longer apply now.

BC: We’ve had a good couple weeks of training. The mid-qualifying break is always a good time to recharge the batteries, and you are right absolutely right when you say there is no excuse now to do anything but beat this opponent. It’s an important game, and we are asking the players to step up and show what they are made of.

CP: I am sure that also the team will try to feed off the energy of playing in Centralia for the first time. That crowd should be giving you plenty of support.

BC: It is. Centralia fans are great supporters of football and they deserve the chance to have this kind of a game on their home turf. We need to use the home field advantage that we will have to the fullest extent.

CP: Chris Kusler has looked good so far filling in for the injured Corey Hennis, getting back to back clean sheets, albeit against weaker opponents in the Alversia and Glaycia games, then a strong showing against Dancougar. What’s your opinion of his play?

BC: Chris has done a great job. His style is a lot different then Corey’s since he has more agility, so it does mean that our opponents will need to discard some of the tapes that they may have against us. He is an energetic guy, and the type of player that will carry a team on his back. I’m sure that he will continue to perform well as he knows the chance that this represents for himself. He also has the support of all the players, after all, they have played with or against him domestically to be able to know that he is more then capable of picking up the slack.

CP: Shawn Drummond has scored just one mere goal so far. At the beginning of qualifying, you said that you wanted to see him pick up his goal scoring, and it has dropped off. This cannot be something you are happy with. How do we turn this around?

BC: It makes you have to put things in perspective. If Shawn had just the one goal and likewise was a non-factor in the games, and not doing things like creating chances for other players, then it’s a problem that needs to be addressed, at this point, with time on the bench. You also have to keep in mind that Shawn has basically played five games while the others have played seven since he was red carded so early in the Lovisa match. He had some quality opportunities against Dancougar and has done well in the attack. I see a player that’s close to breakout as opposed to a player that hasn’t gotten the job done. We are going to turn this around simply by giving him the chance to do so. If he gets hot in the second half, that could be a great thing for us.

CP: Many fans point to his red card as being unacceptable, though. Others say he hasn’t been the same since going to Cafundeu to play.

BC: In the context of the game, the red card was unacceptable, but I’m not going to just simply forget everything that he has done for us because of it. He knows he made a costly play, and he served his suspension. It was his first red in 99 games, so I think we can be cutting him some slack for that. He is still the same Shawn Drummond he has always been, and going to Cafundeu has not made him any less of a player. In fact, that’s a very unfair thing for people to be saying about him.

CP: How much of a disappointment would it be to return to the Cup of Harmony?

BC: There is still plenty of time, so I am not going to think about that.

CP: Alright, well good luck tonight against the Bostopian Empire.

BC: Thanks, Clint.

Jeruselem

04-11-2008, 00:04

Dazza's Top 5 Uber Jewbee Rankings

1) Jeruselem - Nuff said, it is the Holy Land after all despite Unholy whores like moi.
2) Milchama - God bless Maggie or Maggie bless God ...
3) The Macabees - They sound Jewish enough
4) Jeru FC - There's some Jews in our army
5) Candelaria And Marquez - We're sure there's some Jews there

Demot

04-11-2008, 01:18

"Wake up, wake up! They're coming quickly with our reinforcements still hours away. We have to hold them off Trian, or else it is going to be the death of us. Empress Orami is counting on us to do our part, so let's do this, or die trying."

As the drowziness wore off, Trian grabbed his gear, as well as a few extra grenades and followed Rufueo towards the trenches. HQ didn't expect the Makaarans to advance until the next day, but here they were closing in on the fortification. The bulk of the army was still in the south fighting off what appeared to be the main force, but this secondary forces managed to slip through detection and was pressing hard against the lines of the Outlaws infantry. In truth, this was just a honor guard, a last line of defence before any invaders would reach the Palace and claim total victory.

Trian wasn't about to let that happen though and steadied his weapon as the Makaarans entered the range of his rifle. One by one they fell as his calm and deadly accurate hands went to work, not evening taking his eye of the scope to check for any flankers. Rufueo was there with his machine gun ready to provide cover, as were the other twenty men in the trenches. They had the high ground, but twenty-two against five hundred were not good odds, and eventually they would be overrun.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Trian yelled as he burst straight up from his slumber, drenched in his sweat, with a yell that all of Villain probably heard. He looked over at the clock and moaned as the neon red numbers showed that it was barely 3:48 in the morning.

@#$! dreams again. It's in the past Trian, just let go like you do with all the other souls you have sent to the next life.

Cafundeu

04-11-2008, 02:11

OLHO NO LANCE! YOUR SPORTS MAGAZINE!
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WORLD CUP 43 – VALANORA AND VEPHRALL
Full coverage – including comments from Breno Gavião, notes by Sílvio Ruiz and interviews by César Lang
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

THREE GAMES TO SHOW CAFUNDÉU’S POWER

http://img355.imageshack.us/img355/7195/marossibb0.jpg (http://imageshack.us)
Marossi commemorates his goal against Colbourne

In the first four games of the World Cup 43 qualifiers, the Monopolists showed quality football, defeating the two biggest opponents of the group, Candelaria And Marquez and Rennidan, and getting a good advantage as the first placed team in the group. The only slip of the team was in the game against Cassadaigua, when the team failed to control a game that was nearly won and ended only with the draw. But, in the last three games of the first half of the qualifiers, Cafundéu was able to show that its team is among the best in the world, with solid and amazing victories over minor teams of the groups. With these results, the team stays as the first placed in the group, and appears on the top position of most non-official rankings.

Among these results, there is the brilliant 8x0 victory over Colbourne, which is currently the biggest win in these World Cup qualifiers. Also, the team after these last three games has the second best attack of the competition, and the second best goal differential, being just behind Bostopia in both stats. With Bostopia having a loss during the qualifiers, some can even say (as one of the non-official ranks suggest) that Cafundéu is currently the best team of the qualifiers, performing very well, but in an expected way, as it is the higher ranked team in the group. The supporters are now expecting to see if the country will have an easy qualification, something much dreamed by all of them and by the team too.

GAME AGAINST COLBOURNE: a win was expected, of course, but a result like this one was clearly surprising. Cafundéu simply destroyed Colbourne at home with the titanic result of 8x0, dominating the game and showing the strength of the Monopolists. Since the beginning of the game it was clear that the difference in the teams’ quality was huge, and Cafundéu took advantage of it to have an early 3x0 lead before the twentieth minute of the game, with goals scored by Danilo Sampa (twice) and Augusto César. The first half ended 5x0, with more goals scored by Marossi and Titov. The team didn’t stop in the last half of the game, and continued attacking to improve the lead. Augusto César scored his second, Danilo Sampa his third, and Silvinho was going to score the last of the game, but Guevara decided to do that by himself with an own goal. This was an unforgettable game.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 1 (the own goal – Cafundéu’s 8th): “What an amazing perrrrrrforrrrrrmance, what a glorrrrrrrious day for the Cafundelenses! The team looks unstoppable, rrrrready to scorrrrrrre morrrrrrre, and it’s Silveirrrrrrra who gets the ball now. Good pass to Morrrrreirrrrrra, he finds Silvinho inside the arrrrrrrea in good position, Silvinho clearrrrrrs the defence, shoots, the defender appearrrrrrrs to save Colbourrrrrrrne... no, he didn’t! Look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Check this rrrrrreplay with me, my frrrrriend! An own goal by Guevarrrrrra, number twenty! Now the rrrrrresult is Cafundéu eight, Colbourrrrrrne zerrrrrro! I rrrrrrepeat: Cafundéu eight, Colbourrrrrrne zerrrrrro! Have to trrrrrrransporrrrrrrt your carrrrrrrgo and don’t know which trrrrrransporrrrrt to use? The solution is simple: use the Carga Pesada trrrrrrucks, the best for carrrrrrrgo trrrrransporrrrtation! Trrrrrust on them!”

GAME AGAINST LAND DE WOOD: the excellent result of the game against Colbourne motivated the players in the game against Land de Wood. There were many comments about the coach Júlio Vargas going to rest many players but, as the game was a home one, it didn’t happen. Cafundéu played with full strength, and didn’t face many difficulties in the game, although the first half ended in a much disappointing 1x1, with the Cafundelense goal being scored by Moreira with a free kick. In the second half, although, the Monopolists could transform the dominance of the game in goals, with Danilo Sampa scoring once again and Silvinho scoring a goal after entering again from the bench.

GAME AGAINST UNIVERSITUS UNIVERSITY: due to Cafundéu’s performance in the last game, the supporters were expecting a very easy game against Universitus University, which is the worst team of the qualifiers at the moment. The coach Júlio Vargas rested some starters, but even using substitutes the team had no problems in defeating the opponents with a solid result of 3x0, with one goal being scored in the first half by Silveira and two in the second, by Rossi and Augusto César. The players weren’t surprised with the result, and left the field satisfied and happy with the good phase of the Cafundelense National Team.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 2 (Silveira’s goal): “Ball in the midfield, Cafundéu contrrrrrrolling it well with Silveirrrrrrra, Univerrrrrsitus Univerrrrrrrsity trrrrying to take the possession. Good pass to Fabinho, ball now goes to Rrrrrrossi, makes another pass to Silveirrrrrrrra who appearrrrrrs nearrrrrrly the entrrrrrance of the arrrrrrea, goes for the long shot... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! We have to make this rrrrrreplay! Silveirrrrrra, number five! Cafundéu one, Univerrrrrrsitus Univerrrrrrsity zerrrrrro is the currrrrent rrrrrrresult! Looking to win millions by just choosing numberrrrrrrs? So parrrrrrticipate in the lotterrrrrries of Loterrrrrrria Cafundelense, the one that can give you millions of vintéms! Choose one of our many differrrrrent lotterrrrries and good luck!”

INTERVIEWS WITH CÉSAR LANG: three games, and it’s difficult to comment about all the interviews that I was able to do during this time. So, I’ll just comment about one from each game and, for the first time ever, I won’t comment about the interview with the coach first. From the game against Colbourne, the hat-trick hero and man of the match Danilo Sampa, who said: “This was a marvellous game for all of us, this result surely is a sign that our team is united and ready to put Cafundéu among the best in the world, and we can do it. I hope to continue scoring goals to help the team.” From the game against Land de Wood, the goalkeeper Júlio Sampa: “We keep our good form. I think the other teams should fear us now, because we are motivated and ready to continue winning!” Last, the coach Júlio Vargas, with his interview being taken after the game against Universitus University. He said: “The first half of the qualifiers ended now, and we are among the best teams in it. I’m expecting an easy qualification and a successful World Cup.”

http://img355.imageshack.us/img355/7493/acesarqz9.jpg (http://imageshack.us)
Augusto César's shot going to the goal in game against Universitus University

COLBOURNE 0x8 CAFUNDÉU

Place: somewhere in Colbourne.
Attendance: if you find this info, please let us know!
Time: 10:00 Cafundelense time (we hate different timezones!)
Climate: clear, 15ºC.
Referee: Eddie Balls (Ad’ihan).
Assistants: John Carling (Ad’ihan) and Mark Shillingfield (Ad’ihan).
MOTM: Danilo Sampa (Cafundéu).

COLBOURNE: Sutton; Wynne (Richardson 45’), Velez, Brennan and Marshall; Robinson, Ricketts and Guevara; Ruiz, Ibrahim (Smith 78’) and Barret (Dichio 45’).
Coach: that one... or is the other one... maybe that other one sitting...

CAFUNDÉU: Júlio Sampa; Alex, Titov and Luizão; Silveira, Zé Sho, Da Silva (Silvinho 45’), Augusto César and Marossi (Lacerda 80’); Moreira (Fausto 72’) and Danilo Sampa.
Coach: Júlio Vargas.

Goals:CAF: Danilo Sampa 3’/15’/69’ , Augusto César 5’/56’ , Marossi 30’ , Titov 41’ , Guevara (own goal) 91’.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

CAFUNDÉU 3x1 LAND DE WOOD

Place: Maracatuzão, in Dunboor.
Attendance: 131,500 people.
Time: 16:00 Cafundelense time.
Climate: clear, 21ºC.
Referee: Trevor Brejas (Newmanistan).
Assistants: Alice Cormeut (Newmanistan) and Eric Kall (West Zirconia).
MOTM: Marossi (Cafundéu).

CAFUNDÉU: Júlio Sampa; João Carlos, Titov and Toledo; Silveira, Zé Sho (Ronaldão 80’), Da Silva, Augusto César (Silvinho 68’) and Marossi; Moreira and Danilo Sampa (Hubert 75’).
Coach: Júlio Vargas.

LAND DE WOOD: no team released.

Goals:CAF: Moreira 25’ , Danilo Sampa 52’ , Silvinho 79’.
LDW: a football player 33’.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

UNIVERSITUS UNIVERSITY 0x3 CAFUNDÉU

Place: somewhere in Jey.
Attendance: does anyone know?
Time: 19:00 Cafundelense time.
Climate: clear, 32ºC.
Referee: Marcel Fernault (Kelssek).
Assistants: Charles Le Briand (Septentrionia) and Pierre Pandemetre (Septentrionia).
MOTM: Augusto César (Cafundéu).

UNIVERSITUS UNIVERSITY: no team released.

CAFUNDÉU: Bartolomeu; Alex, Toledo and Luizão; Silveira, Fabinho (Silvinho 74’), Rossi, Augusto César and Moreira (Tobias 64’); Fausto (Alves 45’) and Hubert.
Coach: Júlio Vargas.

Goals:CAF: Silveira 11’ , Rossi 62’ , Augusto César 70’.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Goalscorers:

7- Danilo Sampa
5- Augusto César
3- Marossi, Moreira
2- Titov, Silveira
1- Hubert, Alex, Silvinho, Rossi
2 own goals

Elves Security Forces

04-11-2008, 02:20

MD8 Scores (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14165509&postcount=11)

Terreiro de Ogum

04-11-2008, 03:41

Once again, the two pais-de-santo Pai Adoniran and Pai Jacinto are talking in a terreiro. They love to talk to each other, and usually don't have anything better to do during the afternoon, with no rituals to be made. So they just make a coffee and start talking. Unfortunately for them, recently the former Landau Institute patient Chicão Trombada has been invading their place.

PAI JACINTO - "So, Adoniran, what about last game, huh? Our team defeated Quakmybush! We are in third place of the group and half of the games were already played!"

PAI ADONIRAN - "Yes, I saw that! That was an excellent game of our team! What about that goal scored by Mestre Kacet? He is amazing, the whole team is performing very well!"

PAI JACINTO - "If we keep this position, we'll be in the World Cup for the first time! I would be so proud of my country!"

PAI ADONIRAN - "Yes, and that would end with the hopes of that insane island to return to the World Cup... I heard they are preparing a new team with a new coach."

PAI JACINTO - "I heard that too. But we must not worry, as our team seems strong now. We can qualify, this can become reality, is far from impossible! Maybe the Orixás finally decided to give us this gift!"

PAI ADONIRAN - "I think the fact is another. Is that our team finally listened to the Orixás and is accepting their orders. Following what they asked the team to make, it started to receive respect from them and started to be helped more. They are giving to our players more divine and spiritual power, at the same time that they learn how to play football better!"

PAI JACINTO - "Let's make more rituals for the Orixás, so they can help our National Team even more!"

PAI ADONIRAN - "Better not. The team is playing well right now, it's better to keep what we are doing without changes..."

PAI JACINTO - "So, what can we make?"

PAI ADONIRAN - "Watch our soap opera, of course! "The Yaforite" will start soon!"

PAI JACINTO - "Of course, how could I forget that! This soap opera is simply magnificent, I can't lose a single episode of it! Remember yesterday's episode? Odakale was shot by the drug dealer that loves samba, lives in the favela and has three wives, but he was able to reach the hospital and survived..."

PAI ADONIRAN - "Yes, and while this happened, the Daehanjeiguk agents started to investigate about possible links between Odakale and the Mujeongbu..."

PAI JACINTO - "Do you think he is linked with them?"

PAI ADONIRAN - "I don't think so. That Han agent, Kim Sangdae, seems evil to me... I think he is allied with the drug dealer."

PAI JACINTO - "Just like the police, which didn't arrest the drug dealer in that episode which both him and Odakale were saw by them?"

PAI ADONIRAN - "Yes. Also... do you think that Mariana, one of the wives of the drug dealer, is really in love with Odakale?"

PAI JACINTO - "I think she just wants sex... but, anyway, this turns Odakale's situation even worse, as the drug dealer is furious with him!"

PAI ADONIRAN - "And what about the bakery owner, João Nestor, will he be able to find his missing daughter?"

PAI JACINTO - "And what about the small beggar kid? When he will discover that he is Odakale's son that was taken from his mother while his father was in the prison?"

PAI ADONIRAN - "And what about the romance between the rich girl and the boy from the favela... will her parents accept it?"

PAI JACINTO - "I don't know..."

PAI ADONIRAN - "Well, we have to watch to discover!"

They sit down on the sofa to watch the television, which is broadcasting the soap opera "The Yaforite". Suddenly, Chicão Paulada invades the house.

TROMBADA - "Man, are you discussing about this soap opera again, man! Don't you have anything better to do, man?"

PAI ADONIRAN - "I should ask this to you! You invade my house everyday to ask for the Terreiro de Ogum National Team coach job! I couldn't even give you the work if I wanted, I don't work for the team!"

TROMBADA - "Man, no one contacted me, man, I am sad. I really want a job as a National Team coach, man, I could do so many things for my new country, man, I would be really helpful. But no one wants me, man."

PAI ADONIRAN - "I am sorry, but we can't do anything."

TROMBADA - "Man, you have a blind coach! How can he be better than me!"

PAI JACINTO - "That's because you are an insane Landau Institute patient that fled that horrible place! You are crazy! Do you think that pointing a gun to everyone, taking off your clothes everytime and drinking cachaça during all the day is something that every person does?"

TROMBADA - "I'm not crazy man, I was not a patient there, just a guest, man! A guest! (points the gun at Jacinto)"

PAI JACINTO - "I give up. His man is completely crazy."

TROMBADA - "Shut up or I'll shoot you, man!"

PAI JACINTO - "Go ahead and try. I already know that you are horrible in this."

Trombada shoots five times, and misses the target in all of them.

PAI ADONIRAN - "You need help..."

TROMBADA - "Nooooo, man! You won't convert me, just like that Institute monks tried to do with me, man! And you won't make me watch this soap opera, man! I did therapy at the Landau Institute, that works nothing! The doctors there are idiots, and my room mates even worse... I am finally free, man, and want to continue this way!"

PAI ADONIRAN - "But what about us? Can't you leave us in peace?"

TROMBADA - "I need a job, man. I'll continue visiting your house until I get this job as a football coach, man, no one will stop me, man."

PAI JACINTO - "Oh my Orixás, please someone hire this man!"

TROMBADA - "No one wants me, man! But I would be an excellent coach, man! Please someone contact me, man, I need to work!"

PAI ADONIRAN - "I repeat that we can't do anything..."

TROMBADA - "I'll go for a walk, man. Today you escaped, man, but I will return!"

Magna Sancta Sedes

04-11-2008, 05:32

World Cup 43 Qualification - Group 6
RQ1: ---
MD1: @ (10) Han 0-3
MD2: vs (31) Krytenia 2-0
MD3: @ (118) Dariusville 1-1
MD4: vs (66) Greal 3-0
MD5: @ (159) Vlaskin 1-0
MD6: vs (165) Seventy Ninth Entrant 1-0
MD7: @ (19) Demot 0-1
MQ1: ---
MD8: vs (10) Han
MD9: @ (31) Krytenia
MD10: vs (118) Dariusville
MD11: @ (66) Greal
MD12: vs (159) Vlaskin
MD13: @ (165) Seventy Ninth Entrant
MD14: vs (19) Demot

Cardinal Stephanus Gim Su-hwan was busily reading the reports on the College of Cardinals when a stark note appeared on his desk. Upon it was a horrifying symbol that immediately put shock into his heart that he fainted. Several hours later, he was revived in the company of the Pope and his chief physician, as well as a number of other Cardinals.

"Have you seen it?" he shrieked in horror.

"I have," the Pope replied, holding an ice pack to his forehead. Apparently, when he fainted he hit the table.

"What shall we do to counter such a violent threat?"

"What can we do?" the Pope replied. "We don't have a team, and we're trusting in our faith in God we will qualify. And might I add, we're doing quite fabulously considering the lack of persons upon that field. I hear that we're in contention for winning progression."

"Well, we did lose to the irascible Han and the pagan Demot, but we've had good luck against the other teams. We even sacked Greal. But Krytenia - they have unveiled a force so diabolical that we cannot let the Heavenly Host lose to it!"

"Well, here's the sticker," the Pope said. "What if God wants to lose to the diabolical symbols of the pagan Krytenians?"

"Wants?" Cardinal Stephanus retorted, almost gagging himself. "Why would God want to lose to the Devil? It's the equivalent of our Holy Church to falling victim to the Archregimancy!..."

"Oh, and Holy Father!" a prelate spoke, interrupting the Cardinal's speech. "We haven't heard any word from any holy Catholic priests willing to take upon the mantle of Sancta Papa Pediludii. I think that it is fair to say that we should go ahead and appoint one of our own."

"Okay," the Pope said, annoyed at the interruption. He turned back to Cardinal Stephanus. "Please continue."

"We can't let the Holy Host to fall to the vandals!"

"But we can't do much else except wait now," the Pope said, in resigned absoluteness. "After all, the reason why we're doing this is because we confide our trust in God. To suggest that God is impotent to smite the blasphemers is to throw away our faith to the dogs."

"I just feel particularly uneasy about all of this."

"Well, then don't!"

The Cardinal glanced at the Pope with a menacing stare. "Easier said than done, Holy Father."

"Well, let's dispose of this before anyone else falls ill..."

Dancougar

04-11-2008, 05:34

The room was surrounded by white walls and bathed in white light. The glass windows facing the hallway only faced out; no one could see in. The air was clean as were the instruments. It wouldn't stay that way. One man sat at the desk going over documents left behind by the colonel. He walked to the loading dock and acknowledged the delivery of a mass the handlers were only too glad to unload.

I don't believe you, Brandenstein... you actually went and did it. Stephen didn't have time to question his boss and threw aside the sheet covering the demon's body. A stench wafted up into the ceiling fans for eviction. A large gash nearly bisected the body but had emptied the body of much of its contents. Buckets of purple goo sat beside the body awaiting analysis. No one else was willing to enter the room with him, so Stephen was in for a long couple days.

He put on a mask to cover his mouth and nose, then washed his hands thoroughly before slipping on a pair of gloves. Where to begin? He may as well finish opening the thing up and then start piecing together the clues. The colonel's orders before he'd left were cryptic... "I'll send along a sample for the coming battle. I want you to figure out the best way to fight them."

But whatever it was looked terribly frail. There was no way it did as much as it did under its own physical power. Then... what drove it? Stephen frowned as he began to finish the crude cut that had killed the best in the first place. You brought me here to energize the people, and now I'm doing your odd jobs? he thought to himself with a laugh. That's fine, I suppose I owe you for saving me. But then again, I don't see how a demon army is going to help your image.

********************

"Where is my Titan?!" boomed Boldozaa. He stomped into a wide open space near the center of the volcano. The temperature was scalding hot, but it didn't both him nor his minions. There was a thin strip of rock leading out to a stone platform surrounded by a pool of magma, and suspended over it was a rotating ball of magma which continued to grow. Big globs would rise from the pit and join the mass, which was slowly hardening. Limbs began to take shape.

"Our powers must still be weakened, my lord," replied Gaizok, who presided over the formation of the monster. "It has been far too long since we worked our magic on this world. But it should not be long now." On top of a powerful chest, a face was beginning to form. Dark clouds swirled over the volcano and thunder rippled through the sky. "Arise, Earth Titan Baldios!" Lightning struck the lava and electricity rippled through the air, and combined with the general's magic, the lava finally gave way to a stony brown monster. His roar echoed off the volcano walls.

Boldozaa smiled with approval. "Baldios, your master commands you... destroy the humans and their iron beasts!"

********************

Simms ran into the control room as the alarms started to sound. "What do we have?" he asked.

"Gray Sister approaching, from the mountain!" replied an operator. "Five minutes to contact."

"They're taking their time," Simms mused. "That's good for us; we can mobilize."

"They appear to be escorting something larger!" the operator continued. "Unknown! We can't get a visual, either!"

"Verify it as soon as you can!" Simms ordered. "Build Angels, prepare to launch! Beast Machines, stand by for launch!"

A video feed from Brandenstein popped up on one of the screens. Behind him, men were scrambling to their Lancers. "We'll intercept them a mile west of here so you can launch your machines," Brandenstein said.

"I appreciate it," Simms responded.

The sound of robots stomping overhead rattled the mechanics in the hanger making the final checks on the Beast Machines. Daniel had a hand on the ladder welded to the side of the Liger's head and was about to climb up to the cockpit, when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around and saw Tetsuya with his helmet already on. "Make me look good out there, you hear?" he said.

Daniel nodded. "Make sure you leave me some victims, then."

Joe's Mammoth roared to life and smoke billowed out from underneath as the hoverjets came up to full power. The tunnel doors slide aside to reveal the launch path. Jun closed the hatch on her Cougar and buckled in. Her cameras came online and she caught a peek of Daniel descending into the Liger. At this rate, you'll be stronger than me in no time, she thought. And if that happens, how can I make you notice me?

Overhead, the Angels hovered in GUARDIAN mode to ensure the Beast Machines got free. A cloud of dust in the distance marked the position of the 89th, which was in position to engage. The cloud of Gray Sisters was growing larger, and there was something huge and brown in the middle of it. A pair of glowing blue eyes cut through the swarm as the first missiles became airborne.

Inoue watched the oncoming enemies with a steady hand, but a curious mind. Just what the hell are they hiding?

Daehanjeiguk

04-11-2008, 06:25

Today's Sponsor is the Roman Catholic Church of Daehanjeiguk - only because they'd sue us if we didn't let them sponsor it. Yeah... and the prize is a tanker filled with holy water blessed by that relics of the Cathedral of Our Lady of the East in Gwangju.

Most points earned (MQ): Magna Sancta Sedes (+21.10)

Most ranks earned (MQ): Lovisa (+6)

Congratulations to the winners!

And your updated MQ ranks:

1 956.20 0 Bostopia
2 930.72 1 Cafundéu
3 925.45 1 The Archregimancy
4 912.02 -2 Valanora
5 909.72 2 Starblaydia
6 908.85 0 Tynelia
7 895.54 -2 Daehanjeiguk
8 894.02 1 The Holy Empire
9 890.93 1 Wentland
10 889.21 4 Milchama
11 887.30 -3 Bazalonia
12 884.76 0 Jeruselem
13 876.28 2 Demot
14 871.17 6 Lovisa
15 861.45 -4 Qazox
16 861.09 -3 Jasīʼyūn
17 861.07 1 Candelaria And Marquez
18 858.34 4 Capitalizt SLANI
19 854.47 -2 Ad’ihan
20 853.72 -4 Kura-Pelland
21 849.16 0 Yafor 2
22 846.94 -3 Dancougar
23 845.76 1 Vephrall
24 826.45 -1 Sorthern Northland
25 818.66 2 Prux
26 808.32 -1 Taeshan
27 802.52 -1 Krytenia
28 795.12 1 Yafalonia and Bazor 2
29 792.38 -1 Rennidan
30 783.38 3 Az-cz
31 780.80 0 Septentrionia
32 776.40 3 Jeru FC
33 770.84 3 Newmanistan
34 769.85 0 Quakmybush
35 769.76 -5 Kelssek
36 765.56 -4 Blouman Empire
37 742.62 1 Magna Sancta Sedes
38 718.78 -1 Green wombat
39 715.77 1 Terreiro de Ogum
40 710.17 1 Land de Wood
41 706.35 -2 KaMaRi
42 689.73 0 The Macabees
43 685.79 0 Kenavt
44 674.94 1 West Zirconia
45 664.55 -1 Kosovoe
46 645.98 1 An Blascaod Mor
47 638.22 1 Arroza
48 626.82 -2 Liventia
49 601.32 2 Magnus Valerius
50 597.32 -1 Greal
51 583.77 1 Universitus University
52 582.13 -2 Glaycia
53 567.38 2 Cassadaigua
54 566.88 0 Urna Eletrônica
55 550.70 -2 Cokenia
56 530.60 1 Secristan
57 522.33 1 Myedvedeya
58 514.14 1 Nethertopia
59 505.87 -3 Linpada
60 492.24 1 The Islands of Qutar
61 481.74 -1 Thoughts of Randomness
62 438.88 3 Kjomasasopia
63 435.94 3 Docky
64 434.33 -1 Bushdome
65 433.41 -3 Dariusville
66 431.74 -2 Tortuga y Hispaniola
67 414.15 2 Deceased Writers Guild
68 408.79 -1 Alversia
69 406.92 -1 Valetaland
70 366.00 0 Colbourne
71 291.44 0 Vlaskin
72 99.15 1 Miroxia
73 98.49 1 Australiah
74 95.46 -2 The Bostopian Empire
75 90.25 2 Saturday Sport
76 83.76 4 Panuul
77 80.67 -2 Viltek
78 72.23 -2 Chutnusak
79 66.75 -1 Swilatia
80 65.88 -1 Onimar
81 58.11 0 United Island Empires
82 43.40 0 Seventy Ninth Entrant

Notes:

* Ranks only include teams participating in the World Cup!
* All zero-ranked (0) teams were given a uniform 100 score.

Greal

04-11-2008, 06:26

Magna Sancta Sedes

04-11-2008, 06:39

Jeruselem

04-11-2008, 07:06

Jeruselem Government News

Jeru FC in Crysis as Jeruselem steamroll pretenders at home

Kenavt defeated our Princesses at home but today they had the face the same team at Dazza Dallas Stadium. Still smarting from losing to Kenavt, Jeruselem were not here to pussyfoot around. The girls in Jeruselem team might be happy to lay down and surrender in the bedroom but when it comes to football, there's no lying around.

Kate Sallad and the team charged out to a huge home support. People thought Jeruselem were choking after match day 3 with two away losses but since then Jeruselem has been on a winning streak. Jeruselem disposed of Kenavt FOUR ONE with Kenavt finally scoring after getting a dubious penalty from a Princess Marie tackle. Jenny Sloan started the scoring with regulation header in the 30th minute. Jay Licken started the game for once, and scored a rare goal late in 1st half to push Jeruselem to a 2-0 lead.

Jeruselem attacked hard with Kenavt trying to keep in the game. Sister Hanna Josh scored the 3rd goal with a rare strike on goal which the keeper didn't get near. Kate Sallad was given a rest in the 2nd half, giving the captaincy to Flak Sho. He didn't score any goals today but provided a pass to defender Princess Marie who slammed home another goal. She gave a goal back to Kenavt who got a penalty kick which looked a bit dubious when Marie seemed to knock over a Kenavt striker. Later replays showed the contact was rather minimal.

Jeru FC got smacked around 4-1 by Bostopia who have smashed Bazalonia 8-1. Jeru FC with 3 wins and 5 losses drop back to 6th in Group 3 while Jeruselem top their group. Jeru FC have to face Bazalonia later so it's critical our boys get back to winning ways. Should Jeru FC say win all the last games, this would give them 18 points to add to 9 points. Best case 27 points. On current form, they will not make the finals since they find ways to lose instead of win.

Merginn's Sorthern Northland faced God's wraith getting beaten 4-1 by the Monks from The Archregimancy. Like Jeruselem, the Monks reversed a result and got their own back. Still Merginn's team is doing very well for itself in Group 7.

Secristan make sure Deceased Writers Guild stayed near bottom winning 2-0. Kura-Pelland got the case of Pistachio nuts losing to Septentrionia, who triumphed 1-0 in a hard game. KP lost but still are looking good giving Jeruselem lead on the table now. KaMaRi pushed aside Chutnusak THREE ONE as expected.

Group 9 is dominated by Jeruselem and KP on 18 points with a huge 5 point lead over fast finishing KaMaRi with 13 points. Former group leader Kenavt is fading fast in 5th on 11 points with Septentrionia grabbing 4th spot with their recent win. Secristan are close by on 10 points and cannot be dismissed as yet. The guild and chut are bound to be last.

Jeru FC play away at Urna Eletrônica, where they must win. Jeruselem also play away at Deceased Writers Guild which shouldn't bother them too much.

The big game is on match day 10 not 9. Jeruselem are at home and KP - who beat our Princesses at home come to Dazza Dallas Stadium, a place where the Princesses rule.

Group 9
Jeruselem 4-1 Kenavt
Secristan 2-0 Deceased Writers Guild
Septentrionia 1-0 Kura-Pelland
Chutnusak 1-3 KaMaRi

Group 7
The Archregimancy 4-1 Sorthern Northland

Group 3
Jeru FC 1-4 Bostopia

Qazox

04-11-2008, 07:20

QNN
Where News Happens

At Toro Rojo Stadium, Las Vitas, Cokenia came to visit and were crushed by the Pheonix 5-1, as Qazox moves 3 points closer to clinching a World Cup berth. A pair of goals each from Charles Marquis and Yolanda Christian and a goal from Raul de Olivares capped the scoring for Qazox, while a late penalty kick was converted for Cokenia, to avoid a shut-out.

Up next for Qazox is a trip to Swilatia and the 5-0 result from the first game, is expected to be a bit closer, but the Phoenix have very little trouble as of late beating teams they are supposed to beat on the road.

The complete schedule and Results (Home games and Wins in BOLD):

MD1: @ Cokenia WIN 3-2 (Record: 1-0-0)
MD2: Swilatia WIN 5-0 (Record: 2-0-0)
MD3: @ Tortuga y Hispaniola WIN 3-2 (Record 3-0-0)
MD4: Az-cz WIN 6-3 (Record 4-0-0)
MD5: @ The Holy Empire LOSS 0-2 (Record 4-0-1)
MD6: Urna Eletrônica WIN 2-1 (Record 5-0-1)
MD7: Blouman Empire DRAW 1-1 (Record 5-1-1)
Friendly: defeated Vephrall 1-0 @ Valanora
MD8: Cokenia WIN 5-1 (Record 6-1-1)
MD9: @ Swilatia
MD10: Tortuga y Hispaniola @ Toro Rojo Stadium, Las Vitas. Capacity: 70,000.
MD11:@ Az-cz
MD12: The Holy Empire @ Qazian Memorial Stadium, Qazox City. Capacity: 98,000.
MD13: @ Urna Eletrônica
MD14: @ Blouman Empire

QAZOX SCORING today
Charles Marquis- 15', 52'
Yolanda Christian- 32' 37'
Raul de Olivares- 67'

QAZOX OVERALL SCORING
Charles Marquis- 9
Raul de Olivares- 8
Yolanda Christian- 6
Jason Erca- 1
Brittany Lopes- 1
Bonnie Young- 1

<Commercial break>

Tommorrow Qazox goes to the polls to vote for a new Furhur, although no one has run against Daniel Renoir in the last 3 elections and so far no one has declared themselves an opposition canidate, we here in Qazox still relish the right to vote, and numerous local and regional offices are up for grabs as well. The biggest race that we can see is for the governorship of the Nash Region, where the 2-term incumbent, Sarah Biden is trailing political newcomer John Obama 53%-45% in the most recent polls. In the other big election story, a consitiutional admendment, allowing for the Furhur to have compelete Judical control in nominating judges is expected to pass, as the most recent numbers see a clear majority of voters in favor of the admendment 72%-23%.

The northern conflicts have begun in earnest after the 3-day cease-fire as Qazoxian troops are moving towards the northern portions of Certifiably insane and Sawed, and the resistance has been ineffective at slowing the army down.

In Sativaville, President Cheech Chong won an unpresidented 6th term as President, easily outpolling his main challenger in he popular vote, Woody Garcia; 62% to 28%, with about 9% voting for the 3rd party canidate, George W. Chaney. In the electoral vote it was 145 votes for Chong, 17 for Garcia, and 3 for Chaney, who mananged a small upset in his district of Tejas. Garcia won his district of Potsville and suprisingly won in Marleyville, but President Chong was by far the favorite in the outlaying areas winning 5 districts with at least 90% of the vote.

We here at QNN encourge all who can vote, to please do so. Voting is your right and to those who think that 1 vote doesn't matter, look at last year's mayoral elcetion in Pika City, where the new mayor, Kyle Johnson won by only 7 votes over the 5-term incumbent Linda Ewing (45,239-42,232). Every vote counts so please vote, early and often, in those places which allow you to vote multiple times.

Stay tuned to QNN for more news as it happens.

Prux

04-11-2008, 07:29

ESPN Journal of Sport
December 1st, 1944

Prux @ Bushdome, Game 8 of qualifying
by: Saul Werth

They always say a journey of a thousand miles begins but with a single step. Weel Prux's 18,000 mile journey began with a 3-1 win over Bushdome, improving the Zombies to 5-2-1 as they prepare to travel to Thoughts of Randomness next week. Two goals for Triple Z and a goal from Zombie Pele were enough to hold off our hosts, who were only bitten once, by Zombie Oliver Kahn, which led to the lone goal given up as they took the penalty kick w/o a keeper in net, as Kahn decided to try to gnaw the ear off the referee and was promptly redcarded, meaning Dr. Mkembe will get his first start of the qualifiers in the next game.

MD1: vs. Bushdome WIN 3-1
MD2: vs. Thoughts of Randomness D 2-2
MD3: vs. Tynelia Lost 2-3
MD4: @ Yafor 2 D 1-1
MD5: vs. United Island Empires W 4-1
MD6: vs. West Zirconia W 3-1
MD7: vs. Kelssek W 2-0
QUALIFYING BREAK
MD8: @ Bushdome W 3-1
MD9: @ Thoughts of Randomness
MD10: @ Tynelia
MD11: vs. Yafor 2
MD12: @ United Island Empires
MD13: @ West Zirconia
MD14: @ Kelssek

OVERALL: 5-2-1
Projected: 8-3-3

Goal Scoring:
Zombie Ronaldo- 7
Zombie Just Fontaine- 5
Zombie Pelé- 4
Zombie Zinedine Zidane- 4

Newmanistan

04-11-2008, 07:29

THE ROCKET REPORT

ROCKETS AVENGE DRAW

Centralia, Newmanistan- When the teams met to officially begin World Cup 43 qualifying, the Bostopian Empire was able to play the Rockets to a 2-2 draw. It was the first time that this team had ever played an interregional game, and they had their home fans going crazy. Despite not getting three points against a much lower ranked team then them, Newmanistan actually played a fairly respectable game. Now it was time to give these “other” Bostopians a taste of their own medicine. You see, the fans in Centralia had never seen a World Cup qualifying match on their home turf. With the Cougar now an elite team in the NPL, they felt as though their city deserved the game instead of the usual old standbys. The door was opened by the format and their being seven home games. The old standbys would still get their games, but now there would be room for Centralia. The stadium itself does need some repair, but don’t worry. A new stadium is being constructed that the Cougars will be moving into in two seasons that is expected to rival places like Pocono City Stadium and The Jungle in Loudon. For the Centralians, this was their game. They didn’t need to travel. (The closest “old standby” stadium to Centralia would be Tundra Falls). They were going crazy and showed just how vocal they could be. The Rockets knew that had to make something of this atmosphere, against an opponent that they would have no excuses not to beat.

Centralia is known for defense. In fact, many Newmanistanians consider the “Centralia” and “defense” to be synonymous. Naturally, the defenders got a little more pumped up for this game knowing the history, and from the opening whistle they were simply amazing. Newmanistan didn’t immediately press for a goal as they were a little more concerned with establishing positioning and the simple things at the start, and it put the defenders in the spotlight. The Bostopian Empire simply could not penetrate the defense every time they could. They also got quite physical with them, with Jeremy Brooker and Scott LaFave showing them that more people can tackle on this team besides #17. Though #17 (Brett Prescott) certainly would not be outdone and laid down a few of his own. The referee was allowing most of it, and even the ones he didn’t simply lead to free kicks which were very well defended. The offense began to pick up about a quarter of the way into the first half with Alex Parnett making plays happen in the midfield. Peter Jenkins was having a hard time with Parnett all day. In the 19th minute, Parnett delivered a perfect pass into the box right to Shawn Drummond, but Drummond shot it wide. If you listened closely, you could a hear a few boos in the crowd from that shot as Drummond has struggled to finish plays off thus far. The disappointment at the miss would be short lived as another pass from Parnett found Jeremy McAllister in the 23rd minute, and J-Mac knew just what to do with it, heading it past the keeper to put the Rockets out in front with the game’s first goal. Moderate chances followed, but Steve Bush and his defense made the plays that they needed to, until the 36th. A great run by McAllister saw him get by two defenders and get a great chance on net. He could have shot, but Bush had a good angle, so he passed the ball over to Shawn Drummond. This time, finally, Drummond buried the shot. His celebration was simply that of relief. Finally he got his second goal of qualifying. Two-nil would be the score at the half.

At intermission, Brian Carson praised the entire effort of the team, because they were playing well in each of the thirds. The defenders really deserved credit though, as the Bostopian Empire had just one shot on target in the first half, and it was a simple save for Chris Kusler. Much of the game was spent attacking, and even though you could make the case that the Rockets should have had a bigger lead, this two goal advantage seemed comfortable. They would have to make it stay that way by doing just what they did in the first half. Do that, and the team gets the three points they have no excuse not to get.

The second half started off very well too. Newmanistan got right to the attack, and got the fans back to their feet and showing their support. The “other” Bostopians were doing a good job making defensive plays when they needed to, and Mr. Bush was making saves that any soon-to-be lame duck president would be thrilled with. In the 53rd minute, the Rockets struck again on a score by Brett Carlson, making this the first time in qualifying that all three strikers had a goal in the same game. Brett made a nice run down the right wing, then passed it to Drummond. With defenders now focusing on Shawn, Brett was left uncovered for a sprint to the goal. Dan Moore tried to get to him at the last moment, and perhaps but he could not. Carlson scored the goal, and the Rockets were up 3-nil. In the 59th, the Rockets nearly had a fourth, but a Shawn Drummond strike struck the post and then was cleared by the defense. The fans did not boo him for not finishing this. Funny what a 3-goal lead can do. Late in the game, Carson made some changes to get some people some playing time, and in the 81st minute, a fall by Brent Treichler created a wide open shot opportunity for Jack Austell, who fired it by Kusler and spoiling the clean sheet. It did not however, spoil the victory. Newmanistan gets a big 3-1 result and now gets set to improve on their lifetime 34-2-4 record in games played in Starblaydia. Though this will be the first actually against Starblaydia.

Here is your post game reaction:

Carson: “This was a great defensive effort that we all must be proud of. The play of our back end set the tome for the match, and then we saw it carry over to the other phases of the match. In all, this was a great all-around game against a team that we needed to get a victory against.”

Kusler: “I don’t think my overall save percentage was that great. I think they got like three shots all game, so us not getting a clean sheet out of it is a little disappointing, but the important things is that we won a game that we had to have.”

Brooker: “Strong game, today. We had to have it and we did. We wanted to get a win for the Centralia fans, so that is also something we are glad to have accomplished. But it’s also a win that we should have had. We still have a lot more work to do.”

Drummond: “Hopefully the goal I scored can lead to a better second half for me. I really wish I could be doing more for my team and for my country right now, but hopefully this is a sign that things are being straightened out.”

McAllister: “While we are happy to win, like Brooker said, this is one we were supposed to. We have to carry this into Starblaydia. There might not be a visiting national team that gets more excited about playing a game here because we have had such great moments in this country. We are excited to play the Purple Peril there, finally. We might surprise some people.”

NEWMANISTAN 3
McAllister (23')
Drummond (36')
Carlson (53')

THE BOSTOPIAN EMPIRE 1
Austell (81')

Green wombat

04-11-2008, 07:55

THE HEXAGON REPORT
It's News, Because We Say So!

The Good news? the Wombats are still just 2 points out of a World Cup berth. The bad news? An Blascaod Mór's Muris O'Sullivan scored twice in the final 15 minutes to steal a 2-0 win for the visitors, meaning the trip to Valetaland is a very important game, as a three game stretch facing the three teams ahead of us in the standing loom.

(NOTE: All home matches will be played at: Green wombat Field, aka: "The Barracks": The Hexagon. Capacity: 66,666.)
MD1: @ An Blascaod Mór WIN 2-1
MD2: vs Valetaland LOST 1-2
MD3: @ The Archregimancy Draw 1-1
MD4: vs Jasiyun/Jaseuyeon LOST 0-2
MD5: @ Sorthern Northland WIN 1-0
MD6: vs Nethertopia WIN 1-0
MD7: vs Onimar WIN 5-1
MD8: vs An Blascaod Mór LOST 0-2
MD9: @ Valetaland
MD10: vs The Archregimancy
MD11: @ Jasiyun/Jaseuyeon
MD12: vs Sorthern Northland
MD13: @ Nethertopia
MD14: @ Onimar
OVERALL RECORD: 4-1-2

The Post MD8 Ranks (1st Place Votes in Bold Italics)

TOP 15 POLL
Rank/Prev.
1/1 Cafundéu 7-1-0 14
2/4 Bostopia 7-0-1 1
3/5 The Holy Empire 6-2-0
4/3 Tynelia 7-1-0
5/6 The Archregimancy 6-1-1
6/9 Qazox 6-1-1
7/13 Starblaydia 6-1-1
8/14 Demot 6-1-1
9/NR Yafalonia and Bazor 2 6-0-2
10/NR Jeruselem 6-0-2
11/7 Kura-Pelland 6-0-2
12/NR Magna Sancta Sedes 5-1-2
13/11 Bazalonia 6-1-1
14/2 Daehanjeiguk 6-1-1
15/8 Wentland 5-1-2

FELL OUT:
#10 Taeshan Lost at Yafalonia and Bazor 2 0-1
#12 Jaseuyeon Lost at Onimar 0-1
#15 Sorthern Northland Lost at The Archregimancy 1-4

Is the #2 spot cursed? Every week the #2 team seems to lose, and badly at that. The latest victim? Group-mate Jasiyun who lost 1-0 to previously winless Onimar. So be on the lookout for a Bostopia loss, right folks? The Top 15 wasn't kind to 5 other ranked teams as 6 of them lost last week, with 3 teams falling out of the Top 15; and the 3rd-to-last unbeaten, Taeshan was amongst them. Now there are 3: (Cafundeu, Bostopia and The Holy Empire). Re-joining the Top 15 this week is Jeruselem, and we welcome Yafalonia and Bazor 2 and Magna Sancta Sedes to the list for the first time.

On the Bottom 5, for the first time, we have a tie for the 77th spot this week, with the aforementioned Jasiyun and Daehanjeiguk, who lost 5-1 to Magna Sancta Sedes, sharing the spot. Daehanjeiguk becomes the 2nd team to be listed both in the top 15 and the bottom 5, joining last week's #77, Bazalonia. The winless wonders list is now down to seven, with Universitus University still the lone imperfect team at 0-0-8.

BOTTOM FIVE
76: United Island Empires 0-2-6 -17GD
77: Daehanjeiguk 6-1-1 +12GD/Jasiyun 6-0-2 +8GD
78: Alversia 0-2-6 -11GD
79: Seventy Ninth Entrant 0-2-6 -14GD
80: Universitus University 0-0-8 -16GD

Bazalonia

04-11-2008, 08:54

Things had indeed gone abit crazy David Hawdon was involved in some secret dealings with Lamoni, JMC had produced a blood red shirt, luckily there aren't any Bettians around and the Archegimancy has put the nation the 5 most orthodox nation. Though in the court case things had been progressing as planned, the Conservative Alliance lawyers had decided to drop the case.

"Your honor, thank you for hearing the case but as David Hawdon has voluntarily stepped down, we see no need for this case." the lawyer remarked

"and what about the defendent?" I queried

"We have no objections to this being dropped, the courts time needn't be wasted with this spurious lawsuit."

"An interesting comment, the High Court of Bazalonia has already a number of days set aside for this court case, the plaintiff's have already wasted court time and now we are going to waste yours. The case is not dismissed and you will present your case tomorrow. This matter is going to be resolved."

I hit my gavel as dictated by courtroom convention, the clerk instructed everyone to rise as I left and they did so. If they were going to waste my frivolously I would at least have some fun wasting theirs, but another thing sooned grabed my attention. The Autocephalous Iconodulistic Orthdox Church of Bazalonia had filed a motion in the High Court to force the BFSA to have a different kit provider after the "heathen special." This was going to be a long month.

Nethertopia

04-11-2008, 13:22

THE NETHERTOPIAN SPORTSTIMES

FINALLY!
THE SCOUT AND ORGAN SILENCE FALCON FANS: TWO WINS IN A ROW
Peregrinus City - It took the Falcons a long time, but they've finally broke their spree of matches without a win. We've finally achieved our first win in the tournament, after beating Jeru FC on their own field in a friendly
Things are finally looking brighter for the managerial couple, in charge of the Falcons. The fans had been calling for their resignation already, while the NFA publicly still believed in the couple, while rumours where spreading that the two were about to get sacked if results wouldn't brighten.
The last two matches of the first qualifying half were lost, and saw Nethertopian Supporters waving with white tissues, signalling that the managers should resign from their position.
The Falcon managers didn't give up their position, though. Luckily enough they didn't.

The turn came with the match against Jeru FC, in which the couple decided to change their XI on two places, with goalie Wouter van Dalen benched and Ron de Vries on the field, and the 36 year old Fouad Snijders taking the place of Michael de Vet. These tactics seemed to have worked, as Jeru FC was beaten on their own field, one to two.
With the same basic XI the Falcons started their match against Valetaland, beating them two to nil in the Home of the Dragon. The Scout and Organ are back on track and once again loved by the Falcon fans. Let's hope they can continue their current form.

MATCH REPORT ONE
Jeru FC 1 - 2 Nethertopia
Jeru FC - A win is a win. no matter how ugly the game is, if you win, you get the three points. Or in this case, the confidence that Nethertopia needed badly for their qualifiers.
The match, played in Jeru FC, wasn't pretty. It was a really boring game to watch and the only thing that made up for it were the goals.
The start of the match wasn't bad, Jeru FC decided to storm over the Falcons. The Nethertopian XI weren't able to do anything against the pure force of the Jeruselemite talents. In the fifth minute Habib was able to lob the ball past de Vries after a lengthy solo, which was introduced by Nobranz with a through ball.
After that full out attack the match became very dull, a battle on the midfield, with the nine midfielders from both sides making a lot of mistakes, while trying to reach their strikers.

The Nethertopian side started their own offensive play after the break. It seemed like Jeru FS was tired and the Falcons profited from this. Kingley Kalu had made his entrance, Snip was taken off. The old BoF 27 pair, Soro and Kalu, broke the Jeru FC side on themselves. With a nice one-two Kalu launced Soro, who was able to Get the ball past White with a fierce shot from the edge of the box in the 50th minute. And two minutes later the last goal was scored. A shot by Bakker was brilliantly stopped by Ray White, but he had to allow a corner. Michael de Vet, just switched for the worn out Snijders (he's 36, give him a break!), curled the ball against Kalu's head, setting the final score on the board.
After the Falcons had taken the lead the match bled to death. Both teams weren't able to make the difference, playing unenthusiastically. The fans weren't entertained when the referee ended the game and the teams left the field in a streaming whistle concert.

Score recap:
Jeru FC 1 (Habib 5) - Nethertopia 2 (Soro 50; Kalu 52)

MATCH REPORT TWO
Nethertopia 2 - 0 Valetaland
Tenderville - The Falcons had lost their away match against Valetaland one to nil. It was payback time.
Nethertopia was ready for the match, after the surprise victory against Jeru FC. The Scout and Trevor Organ had decided to use the same basic XI as they'd used against the Jeruselemite B team, including Fouad Snijders. He played the game of his career and has announced to quit football after this game, stating: "I'm never going to equal what I did in this match anymore, my age is catching up with me. It's up to the youngsters to make the difference now."

Now for the match report. The Falcons wanted revenge, badly. They were greedy and eager to hunt for goals. They started in a full out attack in the first fifteen minutes of the game, resulting in a free kick, that Frans Oud directed centimetres away from the bar, and a shot by Snip that landed on the post. Valetaland didn't have an answer.
The second fifteen minutes of the game were less exciting, with Nethertopia taking it easier. Valetaland had survived the first wave of attacks, but they would get damage in the second.
Thomas Schaak and Snijders made the difference. The defensive midfielders rushed over the field together, passing, lobbing, tricking and running their way through the whole Valetaland XI. Together they had passed seven men in total, before Snijders shot the ball at the goal, which the goalie saved coolly, boxing it back in the field. But he hadn't counted on Schaak, who dived on the loose ball, scoring with his head.
The Falcons had broke the deadlock and were loose. The Valetalandese defence was only able to keep the ball out of the goal with sheer luck, and were happy to leave the field while only being one goal behind.

The second half started out differently. We don't know that the Valetalandese coack had done during the break, but they had a lot more confidence and started a retaliation on the Nethertopian side. Snijders was the man who saved the Falcons at this point. He made life-saving tackles and he was steady as a brick wall. But despite Snijders' performance, de Vries had to make saves and even had to pick the ball out of the net in the 67th minute, because the Valetalandese striker had scored in offside position. The assistant referee had seen this and the Valetalandese party didn't last long.
The Valetalandesian team seemed broken after their offside goal. Nethertopia was able to gain in control of the match once more and were able to conceal the final goal of the match in the 77th minute. Snijders had the ball, saw that Snip was open and quickly gave the long ball towards him. From thirteen meters Snip volleyed the ball into the net, sealing the final score two to nil. Snijders got his change a minute after, followed by a standing ovation from the crowd.

Score recap:
Nethertopia 2 (Schaak 34; Snip 77) - Valetaland 0

Cassadaigua

04-11-2008, 15:41

Courtney’s Space

The second half of qualifying is upon us and we started it off right. This stretch of six road games out of seven is not going to be easy, but we’re up for it. It’ll be exciting to see these places and play in different stadiums. You cannot be so absorbed into the urgency of the now and the pressure of needing to get things done that you do not stop and enjoy what you are doing and where you are going. It’s easier for us then it is for other teams because we are just having fun as a team and representing Cassadaigua the best we can. Other national teams have more pressure on them, you can just hear it from the reports that they release about their team. There are so many different sets of rankings out there now it just makes your head spin. We’re not making any of them but that’s ok. Except for the IFA rankings from Daehanjeiguk but they rank everyone.

We arrived in Land de Wood wanting to avenge our loss at home. We also thought it would be important to simply begin this stretch off on the right foot. When we met these people before, we were a little too sloppy. It being our first match, we were guilty of trying to do too much, and we made some pretty stupid mistakes that either led to our chances turning into nothing, or leading to opportunities for Land de Wood. Our focus would be better here since we saw this team before and we prepared for who we would be facing. We know we are still an underdog, but we are now a confident underdog as we are getting just amazing goalkeeping from Rachel Terry. She has just been amazing and she was at it again today when Land de Wood had a couple of great chances in the opening stages of the first half. Even though they controlled most of the action, our defensive positioning got a lot better late in the first half, and our confidence grew as we went to halftime still scoreless. In the second half our midfield play was much improved and we began to win more battles which led to more scoring chances for us up front. They got some good goalkeeping too, but we never got frustrated, not even when my shot in the 58th minute struck the inside of the post and bounced right into the keepers hands. Well I was a little frustrated but I knew I had to get over it. The goal came in the 64th from Jessica Keeley. I was mainly a decoy on the play and I did my best to play along with the pretty fake pass to me that she used to get two defenders off of her. From there she just had to beat the keeper, and she did. Once we take the lead, we are really feeling good about our chances to hold on to it. We did that well when they tried to equalize. It’s our fifth win of qualifying, and now we go to the country of Saturday Sport. We won’t look past them and ahead to Cafundeu as far as the game is concerned, but as far as our spending money is concerned, we probably will keep it cheap in Saturday Sport!

Panuul

04-11-2008, 16:20

Election Day in Panuul was really a rather modest affair, but arguably no less exciting than elections were in other nations.

Unlike most other nations, Panuul has no chief executive. Actually I suppose if you get right down to it, the country is still technically run by the Prime Minister of Vephrall, but the southerners had so far kept their word and not interfered in the goings-on of the former Northern Territory. So on this day, 3 June 1763*, the biggest race in the country was that for the mayor of Cimnersog. Panuul had left all the Vephrese political parties behind, so all the candidates ran as independents. The incumbent, Hetag Ostalir, was the heavy favorite in this race, but would still be facing challenges from Thug Meniarol and Serkety Ravcassy. All in all, there were 3,936 registered voters in Cimnersog, and at least 95% of them were expected to cast their ballots in this race.

Just like in the multi-billion population nations, the people of Panuul would be following the results rabidly, both in Cimnersog and in its little brother Healfat, which boasted just 1,038 registered voters. It gave the people something to get excited about in a land where not very much ever happened.

And hey, at least it took their minds off the football.

* One of the first things that the town of Cimnersog did following Panuul's founding was to move its election day to the first Friday in June. Healfat soon followed suit.

Newmanistan

04-11-2008, 16:35

(Since Junior (Jeremy McAllister’s son) was so well-behaved in Dancougar, Jeremy and wife Ashley have decided to take him to Starblaydia. They arrive a day before the rest of the team, so they have time to look around. They go to the most popular football museum in the country).

Ashley: Ok, son, we want you to see a bunch of football stuff. A lot of exciting things have happened to your Daddy in Starblaydia.

Junior: Star... play.. dee uh..... I want to play!

Jeremy: Starblaydia is a nation with a lot of history, they really like football here.

Ashley: And purple.

Jeremy: That they do.

Ashley: I’ve always liked pink better.

Junior: Alotta purple.

Jeremy: I have some important things I want to show you, son. (Walks to the 4th Di Bradini Cup display). You see this, what country are those guys from?

Junior: I don’t know.

Jeremy: Those are us, silly!

Ashley: That’s daddy when he was 18 year old.

Junior: Long time ago. How old wuz mommy.

Jeremy: Well Mommy would have been 14 then. We hadn’t met yet.

Ashley: But I was watching you on TV. (Gives Jeremy a hug)

Jeremy: We won the championship, there son! It was the first time Newmanistan ever did something that big and we won it all!

Junior: Long time ago.

Ashley: Yes it was a long time ago.

Junior: You win da word kup?

Jeremy: No it wasn’t the World Cup, it was something else.

Junior: Who win word kup?

Ashley: You want to show him the World Cup 40 championship stuff?

Junior: Yeah!

Jeremy: But we didn’t win that. Valanora did, and we don’t care about Valanora.

Ashley: Be nice, someone from Valanora might be listening to you right now somehow.

Jeremy: Hey Junior I have a better idea then the World Cup stuff.

Junior: What?

Jeremy: You think fire is cool?

Junior: FIRE! FIRE!

Ashley & Jeremy: Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Jeremy (to others hearing): It’s ok, there’s no fire!

Junior: sowwy

Jeremy: I have to show you some cool fire, the Baptism of Fire that we won here in Starblaydia too.

Junior: You wun fire?

Jeremy: It was a special competition that....

Junior: (interrupting) is it the word kup?

Ashley: No, not the world cup, hunny.

Junior: Long time ago.

Jeremy: Well, yes.

Junior: Long time ago not good. How bout right now. Word kup right now.

Jeremy: We’re trying, son.

Ashley: Just because it was a long time ago, doesn’t mean it wasn’t special. What your daddy did there was very special.

Junior: Daddy win word kup?

Jeremy: Daddy has won three championships!

Ashley: He won a championship just three years ago. Right when you were born.

Junior: Yay!

Jeremy: You were born because we won the championship (nudges Ashley).

Ashley: haha, anyway....

Junior: What?

Jeremy: Nevermind, I want to show you a picture of somebody (walks over to the picture). See that, that’s Simeone Di Bradini.

Junior: Old guy.

Jeremy: Yes but he was a great football player.

Junior: But he old.

Jeremy: He wasn’t always old. He was young once and may be one of the best players that have ever played for Starblaydia. But you know what else about him?

Junior: What?

Jeremy: He had kids that played football and became great too.

Junior: Cool.

Ashley: Just like you will be, just like your daddy.

Jeremy: Not that we want to put pressure on you or anything.

Ashley: Of course not.

Junior: Daddy be like old guy?

Jeremy: Well, maybe half as good as that old guy.

Junior: I hungry lets go have lunch.

Ashley: Alright, let’s go, Daddy will join us soon.

(Ashley and Junior walk away, Jeremy stays put. He places his hand on the picture frame...)

Jeremy: (whispering): Thank you Simeone. Your words still ring true to me that you said not too long before you passed away. It was a long time ago and it wasn’t the World Cup, but it was a big deal. I hope you still feel as highly of me now as you did then.

Urna Eletronica

04-11-2008, 17:23

News: Maluf's secret bank accounts discovered

Shocking news for the Urna Eletrônica team, as the central defender Paulo Maluf was found guilty of using public money for his own benefit, according to the Interpol, while building new bridges, schools and hospitals, part of the money intended for these constructions was sent to a personal account located in the small island of An Blascaod Mor, where he could avoid to pay taxes, and as this was considered illegal, the money was taken by the police and Maluf was going to be arrested, but suddenly a lawyer appeared from nowhere and showed many judge decisions that would kept the politician out of the jail, so, he will only be absent from the team in the next two games, and then will return.

Speaking with his loyal voters, he say that all those accusations are lies and that he has never seen that money before, or that bank account, or even the island, and he also said that his political opponents are trying to destroy his career, and that if someone finds money in his name located in a foreign country bank account, he'd throw himself at the Vereador river, and this person will be able to keep the money to itself, also denying that the wallet he was carrying at the moment was his, saying he had never seen that wallet in his life.

News: Ulysses Guimarães and Sílvio Santos get involved in confusion

In the last training session of the team, while Sílvio Santos and Ulysses Guimarães were debating about the education in the country, they started an argument, which was incentivated by other members of the team that were making speeches at that moment, as Fernando Collor and Guilherme Afif, with the discussion being so intense that they nearly got involved in a fight, but thankfully Lula and Leonel Brizola stopped them before that happened, while the coach Marechal Deodoro just ignored them, even not moving or saying a simple thing.

Although the players commented later that everything was fine, they won't play the next game, with Marromzinho and Fernando Gabeira to be their substitutes, and the team expects to keep the same level of football play, that put the team in the third position of the group after half of the qualfiers, and promises continue being made for the country if the team qualifies.

Candelaria And Marquez

04-11-2008, 20:44

“…ough, to be fair, absorbing immigrants has never been a particular problem for Nethertopia… Or Sorthern Northland, for that matter, so hopefully the Valetaland crisis… er… won’t be, y’know? So uh, yeah, we should stay in Group Seven, probably, because that’s perhaps the most interesting race of them all. The Jayesswye lost again this week, Great Blasket got their fourth win of the campaign, would you believe, but there was a pretty crushing blow for Sorthern Northland… I think we’ve got Dave calling in from Rothsbere… Dave?”

“Yeah, hi Ben, yeah… Pretty poor day for our lot, y’know, but I’m really jus–”

“Dave, you’ll have to speak up, mate – our lines from the AO aren’t always too great…”

“Right, sorry, yeah… No, what I was saying, wa–”

“Okay Dave, look, we’re going to give you one last try, but we’re just not getting…”

“Ah, begorrah, ter be sure, ter be sure…?”

“Okay, brilliant. Yeah, what’s your point?”

“Yeah, I just wan… Aye, oi jist wanted ter try an’ point oyt dat Universitus University are possibl’ de worst team in de warrld roi nigh, an’ yer shud not git too ca–”

“Well, I don’t think there’s too much danger of that at this stage, we’re still only level with Cassadaigua, after all. Wouldn’t you say though that as an overall performance…?”

“Ar, sure, it wus a juicy gran’ display overall, but whaen yer compare dem ter – let’s say – the monks fra’ an alternate rea–”

“Okay, sure, I think Dave’s dropped off the line there, but we take his point completely… We’ll be going back international for Lloyd in Gabalfa in a bit, just hang on there Lloyd, but first Henry’s in Bevan… Henry?”

“Yeah, hi Henry, uh, I just th–”

“Nah, you’re Henry, I’m Ben… We go through this every time, Henners…”

“Yeah, sorry… Sorry, it’s nerves, int it?”

“Sure, so what’s your point today?”

“Yeah, I mean, really I’m most concerned about the defence, y’know? I know people have talked about Ibadulla missing good chances out there, and so on, and Kortsarian really should have put that away, I honestly don’t know what Ramón in Castillo was on about just then…? But, right, the way this side’s set up, we just shouldn’t be conceding goals, and there were times out there when, honestly Henry, they looked like splitting Williams and da Silva ev–”

“Silva de Aviz…”

“Him an’ all, mate, him an’ all! And it’s like the same at left-back, no disrespect to Adekunde or anything but you’ve got to be playing Kelly, surely?”

“Well, that does seem to be the indication, Kelly coming in at left back. The big question now is, Silva de Aviz is suspended after that yellow for the visit of Cafundéu to the Solidarity, so the question is – what does Healy do about the centre of defence? Marc’s in Lesperance I think – thanks for your point, by the way, Henry – uh, Marc, yeah, the centre-halves?”

“Yeah, hiyeah Benhi Ben… MyBenhi pointBenMy reallyMyBenhipoint, ispointBenM–”

“Have you got the radio turned on there, Marc?”

“Yeah, sorry, it’s off now… Yeah, I just think that he’s got to consider playing Mengucci alongside Williams, y’know? I know that’s daring, especially against, well, I think they’re the best in the world, apart from the Eesseffians, yeah? But, Christmas has been awful for the Cats the last few games, whereas Tom Ely’s just been great for C&M, so put him alongside Corradini, and put Mengucci in defence with Williams, yeah…?”

“It’s… yeah, alright… It’s a view. Thanks for that… Right, we’re heading up to the half-hour, so let’s squeeze in a few more calls if we can… Daaklen’s in Albrecht… Namaste, Dak, whereabouts in ‘bect are you, there…?”

“Um… I’m down in Mary’s Park at the moment…”

“Okay, gosh, that’s… challenging… So, yeah, what’re you saying?”

“Well, I can’t agree with the last guy, but I do think we’ve got t’change the formation, because honestly, if they played like they did in Lasft, they’re going to get absolutely murdered.”

“What about the personnel, though?”

“Nah, I’m cool with that, yeah? Cohen… I know he didn’t do much, once he’d scored the first this afternoon, but he’s still just coming back from injury, yeah? I’d still play Kortsarian, still play Dionísio, st–”

“He was poor over in Lasft, though.”

“Sure, but he’s back on form now… two goals in two, yeah? But for me, I’d play him just withdrawn behind Ibadulla, and I think we’ve got the go on the offensive, get Jack Marshall back in there, play Caleb Christ–”

“But who would you drop?”

“Corradini. Every day of the week, Ben. I’m, y’know, Albrecht FC season ticket holder, yeah, but he’s got to go? He’s a liability.”

“Mm, well that’s certainly what we’ve had coming through loud and clear tonight, but I’m just not sure Healy’s going to agree with you. I do think… I dunno, I think it’s too early to throw the bathtub out with the roosters, y’know?”

“Not rea–”

“I’m just saying, that 4-2-3-1, it’s worked for us for a while now… Kortsarian’s going to have a chance against Cafundéu, Ibadulla is, and… I dunno, I just don’t see it as the foregone conclusion everyone else seems to. The worry’s definitely the back though, we haven’t kept a clean sheet since the first Universitus game, that has to be the big concern… Okay, Daaklen, thanks for that. Well, a poor performance in Hoxton could see the end of Corradini in a C&M shirt, but that would give, um, give Tom Ely the perfect, er, start, so… let’s take Editors with The End Has a Start, and we’ll be right back with more of your ca–”

The knob – for it really was a knob, knobs being in fashion this year, if you take ‘fashion’ as being decade-old Samseong products, the Candelarias having not quite woken up to having a ‘Good’ economy yet and still not trusting all this fangle-dangle new digital muck – was turned slowly and thoughtfully, by a man who seemed very used to thinking slowly.

It wasn’t that he was dim, Jenny didn’t think. He took a long-time pondrin’, spoke in an accent that she could only assume had died out in the rest of the country decades ago, and wore a hey-skipper during all waking hours, but none of that gave her cause to condemn Colin’s mental abilities outright. Indeed, most of the time she wondered if he wasn’t mocking her own ignorance with his every word and facial expression.

He glanced up at her. “You know what I think?”

“No?”

“I think they should spring a surprise – give Robin Jacobs a go.”

“That won’t exactly be a surprise in itself, though, will it? He plays his club football in Cafundéu…”

The crumpled little man nodded sagely. “True enough. Which is precisely why they won’t expect it. They won’t see us having the gall to drop Dionísio, will they?”

“I honestly don’t think Healy will though, Dionísio’s form has really picked up si… Oh, for heaven’s sake!”

She hadn’t meant to exclaim that out loud, but this was ridiculous. There were worse places to be on a cold November night than nestled in the heart of the Ministry of Remedial Teaching, but this all seemed so pointless. If she was going to listen to people natter on about football, never mind joining in with the conversation, she might as well be at home. Oh, in theory she was supposed to be writing up a thorough dissertation on the correct future procedure for zombie-based incidents, or at least be preparing for the big interview, as the government’s ‘Acting Social Panic Spokesperson’, up ‘against’ Scott Jonathan on the Paranormal Channel. But responsibility for all that, and more, had been delegated to any number of other civil servants employed by the M.O.R.T., and the Minister herself couldn’t help but feel a little sidelined.

This wasn’t it, was it? Jenny had never spoken to Billy Athanasiadis, or Sally Morgan, or Lyndon Hernández, or even Joe Melbourne, about what the job – supposedly the second-most important in the country – actually entailed. Chet Butler, who had lasted barely a fortnight in the role before her, following Melbourne’s death, didn’t seem particularly willing to talk to her either, or indeed anyone very much. Maybe this really was just a figurehead role, but she was buggered if she was going to spend the next three and a half years making smalltalk with her M.O.R.T. babysitter.

Who knew what Colin had actually done before her arrival. There didn’t seem to be any records of it that she could find, but that was to be expected. They certainly kept records here, they were pretty anal about it by all accounts, but Jenny had been steered away from any of the really important stuff by the Ministry Men.

That wasn’t the official term – there was a distinct absence of officialdom when you got down this far into the Ministry’s power structure – but it suited as good as any. The civil servants under Jenny Harris’ theoretical direct control might be the public face of the Candelarias’ foremost secret service, but this place was really run by men – and women, occasionally – who probably hadn’t seen ‘the public’ for the best part of a decade or more. Some of them, Jenny suspected, had probably been born within the Ministry’s corridors. They certainly seemed to belong to the Ministry but, more pertinently, the Ministry belonged to them. Whatever this place was for – really for, not just the spreading-lies-to-the-public for, but the for that had seen the Ministry created a century or more ago – they were the custodians of it, not her.

And that was the thing, the problem that was really getting on her thr’p’nies. Because, somewhere along the line, It was all about football. They dabbled in time dilation, and lived with the consequences, all so that C&M could play international soccer. They spread inane lies to an all-too gullible public, all to maintain C&M’s place on the football-shaped globe. And they weren’t even telling her why!

She’d put it to Colin only the other week. “Is it really that important?” he’d asked her. “Absolutely, yes!” she screamed back. “God, yes! It’s of central importance, it’s the reason for everything! How am I supposed to run this place if I don’t even know that!”

He’d looked at her, and nodded. “Sure, sure. It’s of central importance, like you say. Doesn’t make it important though, does it? Not automatically. Not in the greater scheme of things. It’s like… Whether there’s a God, right? Or even the God? A real purpose to the universe, to all our individual little lives. If that’s not of central importance, nothing is. I guess I’d give anything to know that. But y’know… If I had a choice, a toss-up, between… lessay… spending an evening – and just that evening, with the option disappearing forever after that – learning the mysteries of the universe from the heavenly father hisself, or watching my little girl plinkety-plonk her way through chopsticks at ‘er school concert… There ain’t no option, is there, Minister? None at all. We all know what’s important, right?”

Jenny had considered this a deeply unsatisfactory answer and also couldn’t help wondering whether, given the option of the deepest-mysteries-of-the-universe-with-the-heavenly-father or attending Joshua’s Silverwood Parks & District Under-10s Premier Cup final, it made her an appalling mother that she’d opt for the big beard every time.

In the here and now, it was her turn to look up. Colin had hobbled to his feet, and was shuffling into a duffle coat. She couldn’t see the clock in her office, but it had to be pretty late if even Colin had decided it was time to turn in for the night.

“I’ll be on me way then, Minister. Busy day t’morrow, isn’t it?”

Jenny wasn’t aware that it was, but smiled grimly all the same. “Of course. G’night then, Colin. Um… Say hi to your little girl…”

Colin frowned. “Dun’ have any kids,” he muttered, before scootering off down a corridor.

Oh-kay… Jenny thought, He’s odd. But at least Colin had gone. For the first time, really, she was alone in her own office. She hadn’t even made it hers yet – Colin, or else one of his contemporaries, had taken to watering Melbourne’s ferns, which he presumably appreciated from whichever subdivision of the afterlife he had found himself. She’d stuffed a photo of Josh and Julia into a frame and stuck it on her desk, that being the done thing, apparently, but she was still yet to have a proper old investigate without watchful eyes behind her.

She wandered over to one of the bookcases, apparently untouched – bar some light dusting – since the forty-second World Cup finals, and leant on the desk as she peered thoughtfully at a copy o–

Jenny had never considered rapid reflexes to be among her foremost skills, but at that moment she hopped forwards to avoid a fall that, while unlikely to have killed her, would still have resulted in bruising that would’ve required awkward answers in the husband department. A stretch of the floor, perhaps a metre square, had swung down into a hidden grotto.

Not that grotto was quite the right word. It generally conjures to mind a white-bearded pervert and some fake elves.

This one featured a skeleton in a sharp suit, which really wasn’t very festive at all.

Rennidan

04-11-2008, 21:13

World Cup 43: Match Day Eight

Rennidan : Colbourne
3:3

Match Report:

@Colbourne - I think, after the exhilarating 3-0 win against Cassadaigua, Rennidan has gone and run themselves all out of breath. Whether they lost it due to all the running round or the panting at the Cassadaigua ladies is still to be determined.

The match started off plainly enough, with small, conservative passes being played between both teams and the odd less-than-spectacular tackle flying about, but it all came to a head when Colbourne's Julius Ibrahim broke through a scored the first goal in the 21st minute. It was 1-0 and the home fans were busting a nut with joy.

Horrible image, I know.

But it didn't really get much better for the Rennidanian side when Ibrahim scored his second goal but three minutes later, leading to the home fans presumably busting the other nut.

Still horrible, eh?

Rennidan try to clamour back some sense of glory with our young star Fersu scoring as the first half came to a close, bringing it back to an all round close-run 2-1, but the views of a win for the Eagles was shattered as kickoff occurred and Ron Ricketts launched a scorcher to bring the score to a soul-crushing 3-1. With no nuts left to bust, we're unsure exactly what Colbourne fans did here, but we're sure whatever it was would also produce a horrible image none the less.

Those who travelled the many miles to watch what we all assumed would be an easy match for Rennidan were no doubt prepared to leave the stadium disheartened that day, but it seems that the Eagles weren't prepared to disappoint.

Belon brought the first smile back to the faces of Rennidanian fans as he dribbled the ball through the Colbourne side to plop it gently into the back of the net, and it was Fersu again to launch the Rennidan fans into a frenzy as he scored the equalizer in the 91st minute. Three all and fans of both sides could leave with a slight smile upon their face. Not the beaming grin Rennidan fans were expecting, but at least their team leave with another point to their name.

_________

MD1: vs. Colbourne 2-1
MD2: @ Universitus University 4-1
MD3: @ Candelaria And Marquez 2-2
MD4: @ Cafundéu 4-1
MD5: vs. Land de Wood 1-1
MD6: vs. Saturday Sport 1-0
MD7: @ Cassadaigua 3-0
MD8: @ Colbourne 3-3
MD9: vs. Universitus University
MD10: vs. Candelaria And Marquez
MD11: vs. Cafundéu
MD12: @ Land de Wood
MD13: @ Saturday Sport
MD14: vs. Cassadaigua

_________

Taeshan

04-11-2008, 21:37

Purple Knights Unbeaten Nomore

There was a tragedy yesterday in the far off land of Yafalonia and Bazor 2 where the Purple Knights of Taeshan soccer team lost t the host Yafalonia team. 1-0. Horrible, Gruesome to give a few descriptions. The Taeshani world is shattered. There is only two unbeaten teams in qualifying anymore. Well at least we made it far enough to consider ourselves as one of the longest unbeatens in World Cup 43. Guess we still go WC 44 though.

Dancougar

04-11-2008, 21:52

Dancougar News!!
It HAS that difference, and that difference... is drinkability.

Campaign in jeopardy after Glaycia victory: The whistle sounded, the players flopped to the turf, and the reality of the 3-2 road loss to Glaycia began to sink in. It was just opening the Rockets needed as the two continued to slug it out for that third and final qualifying spot in Group 8, but the Glaycian team didn't stick around long to savor the victory. Instead, the gallant bunch went into the tunnel to their van parked out back and drove off into the night. Just who were they... these... Mystery Men?

"We were hoping to strike them down with the mighty sword of teamwork and the hammer of not-bickering," said coach Solomon Bilbao. "As it turned out, we had a blind date with destiny, and she ordered the lobster." We couldn't understand him, either, but the cryptic teachings of the former University of Lunarossa man will have to give way to concrete results in the coming days. With Newmanistan level on points and with more home games down the stretch, one must ask if this game will be remembered as the turning point in Dancougar's fortunes if they fail to qualify.

They charged out of the gate and handed it to the sluggish Wings, who were quickly down two goals. Glaycia's lone woman scored the opening goal with a thundering volley that looked like it would go over the bar, but the ball took a nasty dip as it reached Watanabe the fell almost straight down. Watanabe took a swipe at it, but the ball continued to twirl and dip in midair, as if mocking him. Finally, the ball hit the deck and rolled through his legs for a goal, as if it had a will of its own. It was the first of the Wings' ball-handling woes on the afternoon. Passes skipped over feet, shots sailed acres wide, and balls hit into touch... didn't go into touch.

"We kept trying to break out, but every time the pass would be behind, or too far ahead, or would just die before it got there," said Dylandy, who had as forgettable first half as anyone on the team. "But we had to suck it up and keep playing out game, since he who questions their training only trains himself asking questions."

Perhaps the Wings should've asked themselves what was wrong, because nothing was going right. One Glaycia player was given all the free space in the world on the right side, and in-between calls to defender Sho Yukikaze to pull his finger, he fired a wind-assisted cross into the box that was pounded home to make it 2-0. The Glaycian lady-forward made it 3-0 before the half with a lot shot that bounced off the turf at a wicked angle, careened off the back of Berber's head, and settled in Watanabe's hands before sending both itself and the goalkeeper flying into the net.

The Wings finally caught a break after the restart, as Shishio Jinguuji fired a rocket into the post. Sure enough, there was a sickening crack inside the ball. The Glaycian woman poked at the ball after the referee whistled the play dead, and it turned out there was a skull inside. At first she appeared attentive to the ball, cuddling it and bobbing it up and down, but soon the scene - which was strange to begin with - devolved into a one-sided screaming match and resulted in the ball getting punted out of the stadium. A new one was fetched, and the Wings finally got some momentum going. Dylandy scored in the 58th to make it 3-1, and a furious Glaycian defender responded by punching him in the face, resulting in an immediate red card expulsion. He then punched the ref in the face before being escorted off the pitch by his teammates.

Although it looked like the Wings would finally get back into the game, there was something about the ragtag bunch of Glaycians that nevertheless kept them cohesive. It took a set piece in the 76th to make it 3-2, when Benjamin Whittaker's corner kick found the scrappy Kevin Underwood, who flew on goal and outjumped the entire defense to head home. All signals pointed to the final push, but a rousing speech from the Glaycian captain involving an egg salad sandwich proved to be the difference-maker. They played with passion. They played with spirit. And for the final fifteen, they played with skill.

The final blow came when the stinky guy got the ball on the wing and just stood there. No one came to challenge him, so he just let the clock bleed. Eventually, Yukikaze walked over to get the ball... and promptly fainted from the smell. Anthony Ingram followed suit. When the Glaycian finally decided to use this to his advantage and charge on goal, it was up to Casey Berber to come up with the bright idea of holding his nose. He easily dispossessed the attacker and led a charge upfield. But a long through ball to Potts, who had slipped behind the Glaycian defense's resident smooth-talking fake Brit, stopped dead in the middle of the field, and the game was over.

The Wings were about to protest the call when the responsible party faded into visibility. A naked black man stood over the ball proclaiming he was invisible, which he had become during the course of the match when everybody stopped paying attention to him.

Matchday nine preview: v The Bostopian Empire (2-1-5): The good news yesterday was that Lovisa were held to a draw by Myedvedeya. The bad news is that Newmanistan won and we lost. Well, bugger. This makes things tight in the two through four spots. Newmanistan go into a tough match at Starblaydia before the Wings do and will hopefully soften them up without winning, while the Wings welcome The Bostopian Empire.

Last time, the Wings went into the Empire and crushed them 7-1, and that got fans really excited. They've definitely cooled down since then, making many wonder if the team was actually silly enough to peak in game two of fourteen. The last thing we want is for this to come down to a dogfight with the Rockets, because history says we're going to come out on the bottom of that one unless the sport is gridiron; we've checked and have confirmed that it's not. Plus now that little Mac is on the road with the team, who can bring themselves to crush the Newmanistan captain when his cute little son is watching? That would be downright cruel!

As this hard-hitting objective analysis clearly shows, the Wings need to win tonight. Will they? The Dancougar News!! has found that our attempts to be optimistic have met with total failure, so let's say it'll be a 2-2 draw. Then the "should Solomon Bilbao be fired" reports can start fluttering in.

West Zirconia

04-11-2008, 22:02

West Zirconia equalled their best ever international victory with a 5-0 victory in the United Island Empires.

Roy Hazell made one change to the regular squad, leaving Steve Griffiths out in facour of giving Alun Lydiate a full game. Lydiate repaid his manager's faith in the first quarter hour, when he produced a 30-yard solo run out of nowhere, slotting the resulting shot past a helpless UIE keeper.

The second was not far behind, courtesy of a Martin Forster header. To be truthful, by this time the home side had given up, and had resorted to deep defending to lessen the damage. This ploy was exposed for what it was when Forster scored a second just before half-time.

The second half was played in pretty much the same manner as the first, which led to Lydiate's second. West Zirconia took the pressure off slightly, though the two forwards were keen on scoring that elusive third.

Five minutes from time, the UIE goalkeeper took out Forster in the penalty area. The penalty was awarded, and Ed French, the team's normal penalty taker, took the ball - and unselfishly handed it to his teenage team-mate. Lydiate looked around, bemused, but when he saw both French and Forster gesturing towards the penalty spot, he took the hint - and the penalty. The replacement UIE keeper - the original one having been sent off - went in completely the wrong direction, and Lydiate had his hat-trick.

The result takes West Zirconia to fourth, above Kelssek. However, the next match sees Tynelia, so far unbeaten, the visitors to Moorcroft - a game with far more riding on it than the recent love-in with Candelaria And Marquez. If they play against Tynelia with the same skill and confidence with which they played the UIE, then this could be every bit as exciting as the Kelssek and Candelaria And Marquez games that Manchester Street has already witnessed this season.

West Zirconia: Gray, Phillips (c), Fox, Faulkner (Munro 68), Paterson, Hawthorne (Pritchard 60), Williams, French, McGowan, Forster, Lydiate.

Goals: West Zirconia - Lydiate (14,58,85), Forster (17,42)

Rennidan

04-11-2008, 23:44

I sit, cold beer in hand, with a smug look of disappointment upon my face. I'm in a hotel room in some forgettable country, probably one with too many constinents, not enough vowels. One that my Rennidanian tongue would struggle to pronounce, even considering the amount of liquor I've downed.

The chair I sit in is warm, the kind you'd want to sit in and sink into when you've just stolen over eighty four million You-Ess dollars from your own national football team. Needless to say, I do believe I have snapped here. Haunted by the images of my ex-girlfriend dying in a plane crash with my name written on it, followed by the spirits of an ex-mentor who died long after he should have, it would so seem that my brain has gone kaput.

I think I deserve to go from national hero to skitzo millionaire playboy overnight, don't you?

I don't wish to fret with football anymore. Football was, indeed, my downfall. Instead I plan on whether a goatee would make me look like my evil twin from the twilight zone, or whether I should stick with the stubble to maintain a rugged look.

My eyes look better now too. I don't look as tired. If anything, I look refreshed, renewed.

Reborn?

Or does that sound too dramatic? I mean, that was another reason I went, all the drama. All the 'oh gee, so and so assaulted so and so'. All the scandals were doing my head in. Which would perhaps explain why I decided to go ahead and make one. But it's not like they'll miss this money, right? And it's not like I've just outright left them. I'll still help out. Send in tips through videos, half time talks over MSN or something. I'll still be the good guy.

I'll just be stinking rich and enjoying life at the same time.

_________

http://i280.photobucket.com/albums/kk176/rennidan/Untitled-2.png

Malkoa Missing?

In yet another bizarre twist to Rennidan's injury-laden World Cup 43 qualifying run, beloved national manager, Ryan Malkoa, has disappeared overnight following the Eagles disappointing 3-3 draw against Colbourne. Sources from within the Rennidan International Association Football Committee have refused to comment on the manager's supposed disappearance, but rumours of money vanishing along with the manager are rampant, with some putting the figure up as high as one hundred million U.S dollars (roughly 90,187,590 Golden Crowns).

What this means for Rennidan's chances for qualification is unknown, but one thing is for sure...

If the rumours are true, Ryan Malkoa is one bloody lucky git.

Jeru FC

05-11-2008, 00:44

Ryan Greenly was trying cheer up his troopers Jeru FC
"Hey, what's wrong with you! How come everytime you go out there you aren't trying? I know you don't get paid a lot or have the fame of the national team but for God's sake ... make an effort. I know you say you are getting older, slower and dumber but that's no stupid excuse! You are playing for your nation still.

See Princess Marie, she doesn't have to work ... or play football for Jeruselem. But she puts on the team strip and runs out for Jeruselem, and she plays hard. She's got something we are missing, team spirit. She's a Princess and she's running out playing football for the nation still. She does not need to do this but she's out there putting herself on the field because she loves Jeruselem. You should do the same WITH EFFORT. It's not just skill but spirit. You run out to win and to play for your nation.

I'm from Qazox, I don't need to help Jeruselem but I'm getting paid for this. I'm paid to help YOU. I cannot win games for you. I can teach you what to do but you have to get out there and do it. No slacking. No excuses.

Think about Sadie Dallas, she wants play football. She wants to help her team ... but she can't walk. You can walk, you can play ... why can't you LOT play football. I want ALL OF YOU to put in a big game starting from now to the end of the campaign. I want see 6 wins. I want you to TRY to win. No more excuses, my job is on the line here. We look like idiots. 3 wins from 8 games. We are CRAP. We do not want to be CRAP. We want to make the finals again. Go it. Anyone who isn't in with this, is not going to play. I only want people who want to play. GO IT TEAM?

You lot aren't girls because it'd be insulting to girls. There's girls in the national team and they are kicking butt. They maybe whores but they are putting in the hard work. We aren't - you are SISSIES and WIMPS. I want everyone of you to pick up the game. Play HARD. Win HARD. No more excuses, it's time for the Jeru FC of World Cup 42 to appear.

I've spoken to Dazza. She's not happy with you either. Jeruselem lost two games in three but are now winning everything. Us, we win one and lose two! THAT"S CRAP. you know what we need. You know what is required. I can go back to Qazox but I won't. I AM HERE TO PUSH JERU FC INTO THE FINALS. Don't let me down SISSIES."

Elves Security Forces

05-11-2008, 01:51

MD9 results (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14168854&postcount=12)

Yafalonia and Bazor 2

05-11-2008, 01:59

FAIL to Launch Probe into Jeru FC!

It was a weird co-incidence but the ground attendent of the recent Jeru FC match accidently overheard comments by the teams Coach, Ryan Greenly. He told his brother's butcher, who told his neice who worked for a guy who's friend had married a girl who was a native Bazorite who happened to be third cousins thrice removed to Bob Tresgovsken, the Bazorite head of FAIL. It is believed that Ryan commented that FAIL's HARD team were a bunch of W*** and W*****.

In Y&B2 calling people such horriffic W names is a crime that is punishible by death, Jeru FC can expect a visit by The Department of Public Prosecutings for the Protection of the Populace to delve into the truth of the matter.

Bostopia

05-11-2008, 02:22

“And we're now going to show you how to build your own model of a potato farm! Here's one I made ear-”

The children's television program cut off. Interesting things always happened during children's television, which annoyed the children who didn't quite understand, and annoyed parents because one of them at least was most likely working a 9 'til 5, though the smart ones worked 8:30 til 4:30. The smarter ones figured out how to take an hour or two for lunch and get away from it, which was all well and good until redundancies began in their department.

Across the nation, television channels and radios broadcast the same standard message.

“We interrupt this programming to bring you an important message from the Emperor, at Fort Boston Castle.”

A short portion of “Fanfare to the Bostopian Soldier” played (the Emperor's personal music), and the Emperor appeared on screen, the lights of Fort Boston twinkling behind him through the window which he was sat in front of.

“Good evening, Bostopia. A few hours ago the Bostopian Embassy in Vladigrad alerted the Prime Minister and myself that a series of actions were taking place in Vladmiristak that has led to the downfall of the Dictatorship that had been in place in that nation.

After negotiations, it has been decided that the Bostopian Government and her Empire will oversee Vladmiristak's transition to democracy for a undecided period of time from midnight tonight, B.E.S.T.

Ladies and gentlemen, the period in our lives, in our history, where we slept with one eye open, aware that the Empire of the red menace was scouting us out, casting it's lustful eye over our homeland, our wealth, our resources, our people – is now over. Bostopia, and only Bostopia, stayed the course. Bostopia, her people, from the North West of West Isle, to the South East of East Isle, the North East of East Isle to the South West of West Isle, have won the eternal battle between right and wrong.

Tonight, Bostopia has cast freedom across her sphere.”

At midnight, across the country, red white and blue fireworks lit up the skies across the nation as parties culminated into one last final nation-uniting, region-uniting explosion of relief.

The Empire was dead. Long live the Empire.

Daehanjeiguk

05-11-2008, 03:57

Today's Sponsor is the Lotte Foods Inc. - and the prize is a bag of cashews. Not sure where they'd come from, but that's what they said. And without further ado.

Most points earned (MQ): Saturday Sport (+23.99)

Most ranks earned (MQ): Yafor 2 (+7)

Congratulations to the winners!

And your updated MQ ranks:

1 968.49 0 Bostopia
2 924.06 2 Valanora
3 922.40 0 The Archregimancy
4 920.35 2 Tynelia
5 917.91 0 Starblaydia
6 913.76 -4 Cafundéu
7 907.26 0 Daehanjeiguk
8 899.80 3 Bazalonia
9 899.42 1 Milchama
10 891.40 2 Jeruselem
11 887.43 2 Demot
12 878.03 5 Candelaria And Marquez
13 876.57 -5 The Holy Empire
14 875.78 7 Yafor 2
15 869.64 3 Capitalizt SLANI
16 869.46 -1 Qazox
17 868.54 -3 Lovisa
18 867.80 -9 Wentland
19 855.12 3 Dancougar
20 851.69 0 Kura-Pelland
21 844.59 -5 Jasīʼyūn
22 842.95 2 Sorthern Northland
23 842.12 -4 Ad’ihan
24 832.42 -1 Vephrall
25 815.73 0 Prux
26 815.53 0 Taeshan
27 807.28 1 Yafalonia and Bazor 2
28 801.22 -1 Krytenia
29 800.83 1 Az-cz
30 790.05 -1 Rennidan
31 788.88 0 Septentrionia
32 783.39 0 Jeru FC
33 778.84 3 Blouman Empire
34 778.12 0 Quakmybush
35 775.10 0 Kelssek
36 762.64 -3 Newmanistan
37 743.93 0 Magna Sancta Sedes
38 723.92 1 Terreiro de Ogum
39 717.94 2 KaMaRi
40 715.74 -2 Green wombat
41 706.98 -1 Land de Wood
42 687.83 1 Kenavt
43 685.22 -1 The Macabees
44 672.80 1 Kosovoe
45 658.75 -1 West Zirconia
46 651.40 0 An Blascaod Mor
47 639.18 1 Liventia
48 625.93 -1 Arroza
49 593.16 0 Magnus Valerius
50 586.17 0 Greal
51 586.11 0 Universitus University
52 584.75 0 Glaycia
53 574.65 1 Urna Eletrônica
54 543.39 -1 Cassadaigua
55 537.42 0 Cokenia
56 534.14 1 Myedvedeya
57 519.01 -1 Secristan
58 517.19 0 Nethertopia
59 498.66 0 Linpada
60 484.67 1 Thoughts of Randomness
61 479.74 -1 The Islands of Qutar
62 431.90 0 Kjomasasopia
63 424.64 0 Docky
64 423.97 2 Tortuga y Hispaniola
65 422.16 -1 Bushdome
66 421.70 -1 Dariusville
67 407.51 0 Deceased Writers Guild
68 403.62 1 Valetaland
69 396.99 -1 Alversia
70 369.20 0 Colbourne
71 303.38 0 Vlaskin
72 114.24 3 Saturday Sport
73 90.89 -1 Miroxia
74 90.43 3 Viltek
75 88.27 -2 Australiah
76 87.28 -2 The Bostopian Empire
77 75.52 -1 Panuul
78 64.14 0 Chutnusak
79 60.46 1 Onimar
80 58.74 -1 Swilatia
81 52.78 0 United Island Empires
82 35.04 0 Seventy Ninth Entrant

Notes:

* Ranks only include teams participating in the World Cup!
* All zero-ranked (0) teams were given a uniform 100 score.

Jeruselem

05-11-2008, 04:42

Jeruselem Government News

Jeruselem rests stars, kids win away from home

Jeruselem flew to Deceased Writers Guild minus some big star players. Coach Monique Alexander wanted to rest her key players for match day 10 at home against Kura-Pelland. Captain Kate Sallad and Vice Captain Flak Sho along with Jenny Sloan and Sally Kool stayed home to give some of the other team members a chance to play. Oddly Princess Marie-Antoinette Dallas who normally plays at home and not away, went with the team as was named team Captain for the day.

The team struggled without it's play makers against Deceased Writers Guild but the Guild had trouble breaking down the Jeruselem defense. Jeruselem won ONE NIL with Princess Marie scoring the winning goal after getting a free kick from getting kicked in the privates. It was not the best win but younger brigade got a full game under real match pressure. Marie made a rather "orgasmic" sound when she went down but she said later it did actually hurt and it was not an orgasm. She said she was alright and her private parts were not affected, it's just that it's a bit sensitive where she was kicked.

Still, it was another win and Jeruselem are winning after losing on match day 3. Jeruselem now face Kura-Pelland at home with Kura-Pelland drawing with Kenavt ONE ALL. KP have dropped points recently with the Princesses rolling over everyone of late. This is a big game and with KP managing a draw when it should have won - the pressure is on KP and not Jeruselem.

KaMaRi kept up it's great run beating Secristan TWO NIL while Septentrionia are making their move upwards with a TWO NIL win over Chutnusak. The top 4 seeds in Group 9 are winning and the bottom teams are choking badly when they needed to win.

SN won again but against a great team Jaseuyeon> Merginn is doing his part in making SN a great team and getting drunk at the same time. Jeruselemites are doing well this cup apart from Jeru FC.

Jeru FC got back to winning frame of mind, beating Kjomasasopia TWO ONE. Still, it's not enough as they are drifting away from the big guns in Group 3. They really need a 5 wins due to disappointing campaign in the 1st half with 4 losses.

Acting Jeruselem FA president Dazza Dallas weighed into a issue when Jeru FC coach Ryan Greenly alleged said a W word about FAIL'S HARD team. She said
"I asked Ryan about what he said. I assure FAIL whatever he said was not directed at FAIL. Jeru FC have been underperforming and he need some harsh words to the team to get them back in the right track. He is focussed on Jeru FC and not FAIL or Yafalonia and Bazor 2 or whoever. His job is get his team over the line, and he's not thinking about FAIL or any other thing."

Group 3
Kjomasasopia 1-2 Jeru FC

Group 7
Jaseuyeon 1-3 Sorthern Northland

Group 9
Kenavt 1-1 Kura-Pelland
Deceased Writers Guild 0-1 Jeruselem
KaMaRi 2-0 Secristan
Chutnusak 0-2 Septentrionia

Qazox

05-11-2008, 04:56

QNN
Where News Happens

Qazox travelled to Swilatia and came out 3-1 winners, and that win, coupled with Az-cz' win over The Holy Empire, means that Qazox is back in first place in Group 5. With 5 games left, Qazox has a 7 point lead over 4th place Az-cz. Even more impressive was that due to mild case of Taeshani Flu, the Pheonox' front line of Charles Marquis, Raul de Olivares, and Yolanda Christian did not make the trip and their back-ups, Bonnie Young, Benjamin Ernst, and Michelle de Barre all rose to the occasion and each scored a goal, with Ernst's providing the game winner.

Up next for Qazox is Tortuga y Hispaniola back home at Toro Rojo Stadium, Las Vitas. Last time Qazox stole a 3-2 win on the road, but since then TyH hasn't done too well and Qazox is on a bit of a roll ever since the loss to The Holy Empire.

The complete schedule and Results (Home games and Wins in BOLD):

MD1: @ Cokenia WIN 3-2 (Record: 1-0-0)
MD2: Swilatia WIN 5-0 (Record: 2-0-0)
MD3: @ Tortuga y Hispaniola WIN 3-2 (Record 3-0-0)
MD4: Az-cz WIN 6-3 (Record 4-0-0)
MD5: @ The Holy Empire LOSS 0-2 (Record 4-0-1)
MD6: Urna Eletrônica WIN 2-1 (Record 5-0-1)
MD7: Blouman Empire DRAW 1-1 (Record 5-1-1)
Friendly: defeated Vephrall 1-0 @ Valanora
MD8: Cokenia WIN 5-1 (Record 6-1-1)
MD9: @ Swilatia WIN 3-1 (Record 7-1-1)
MD10: Tortuga y Hispaniola @ Toro Rojo Stadium, Las Vitas. Capacity: 70,000.
MD11:@ Az-cz
MD12: The Holy Empire @ Qazian Memorial Stadium, Qazox City. Capacity: 98,000.
MD13: @ Urna Eletrônica
MD14: @ Blouman Empire

QAZOX SCORING today
Bonnie Young- 25'
Benjamin Ernst- 52'
Michelle de Barre- 62'

QAZOX OVERALL SCORING
Charles Marquis- 9
Raul de Olivares- 8
Yolanda Christian- 6
Bonnie Young- 2
Jason Erca- 1
Brittany Lopes- 1
Benjamin Ernst- 1
Michelle de Barre- 1

<Commercial break>

In Qazoxian election news, in a landslide, Furhur Daniel Renoir won re-election with 93% of the vote with the next closest being Frank Alens with 4% of the vote and 3 others with about 1% of the total vote; with about 92% of the national vote counted so far. In the Electoral College, it will be a complete 313-0 whitewash for the Furhur.

In other big races, the governorship of the Nash Region appears to be almost locked up for John Obama over the incumbent Sarah Biden 57%-42%, with 93% of the precincts in. In an election stunner, the 8-term mayor of Qazox City, William Gore; lost to George Dole 52% to 45% with 96% of the precincts in. The proposed consitiutional admendment allowing for the Furhur to have compelete Judical control in nominating judges; is stunningly going to voted down, 51% to 47%, with 93% of the national vote in.

Intenationally, Prux' incumbent President, Peter Griffin has won a second term, easily defeating his opponent C. H. Icken 75% to 22% with almost 95% of the vote in that country. Green wombat's main vote this election is for the office of Vice-President with the Green Party canidate, Michelle Dansen leading both the Heartland canidate, Henry Youngblood; and the incumbent States Party canidate, Reginald Forscythe; 47%-27%-22%, with just over 85% of the votes in.

On the front lines, no major changes on either front, as most of the fighting has seemingly slowed to random fire. Whether this is just a unusual lull or the resistance is building up to one last offensive is unknown at this time.

Stay tuned to QNN for more news as it happens.

Magna Sancta Sedes

05-11-2008, 05:12

World Cup 43 Qualification - Group 6
RQ1: ---
MD1: @ (10) Han 0-3
MD2: vs (31) Krytenia 2-0
MD3: @ (118) Dariusville 1-1
MD4: vs (66) Greal 3-0
MD5: @ (159) Vlaskin 1-0
MD6: vs (165) Seventy Ninth Entrant 1-0
MD7: @ (19) Demot 0-1
MQ1: ---
MD8: vs (10) Han 5-1
MD9: @ (31) Krytenia 0-0
MD10: vs (118) Dariusville
MD11: @ (66) Greal
MD12: vs (159) Vlaskin
MD13: @ (165) Seventy Ninth Entrant
MD14: vs (19) Demot

Cardinal Stephanus Gim Su-hwan was reading the reports - what? it's his job! - when he came across the final news reports. "How'd this get in there?" he asked, discarding the results to the American Presidential Elections for some alternative reality. "If they aren't Catholic, it doesn't matter," he muttered under his breath. He read some more reports - Orthodox monks had infiltrated MSS and blessed a church with Orthodox holy water - Father de Turrecremata managed to re-bless the church with Catholic holy water, while forcibly persuading the monks to convert to Catholicism. So far, he was down to the last limb - literally.

Finally, he came to the news that he had been anxiously anticipating for the past 24 hours (or so). "A NIL-NIL DRAW?" he suddenly yelled. The walls of the Sistine Chapel shook violently at that, to which the Pope quickly arrived to Cardinal Stephanus. "What happened?" he asked immediately.

"God DREW nil against the devils!"

"What's wrong with that?"

"How do you go nil-nil against devils soaked in holy water?"

An envoy from the match then spoke out. "Well, from what I heard, the tanker was shot down over the stadium, and the water spilled out upon everyone on the pitch. The water soaked everything, and everything pertaining to the devil was bleached, ranging from the various pentagrams to in-born tattoos. My, I must confess my pity for the one player who had the devil's image tattooed upon his dildo, because he was in such agony as it burned away..."

"Yeah, what about the match?"

"Well, the shirts were all somewhat cleaned of any color that was offensive to God."

"Ah... so God didn't draw against the devils, then. He merely wiped them away," the Pope remarked. He stood up and made a sign of the cross, offering a quick prayer - "The LORD is gracious to His vanquished foes, He forgives their transgressions though they are unworthy of it."

The present crowd echoed the "amen" and Cardinal Stephanus nodded his head in approval. "Well, that still doesn't resolve the question of how they could fail to score a goal then..."

The envoy explained. "Well, the field was too soaked for the players to play effectively. They couldn't make a straight shot, not to mention the lights did blind them so. The only shot of the match was a fortuitous hit upon the cross bar which fell into the crowd. I imagine that there were a many people who were graced by the presence of a ball drenched in holy water..."

"Okay, that's enough."

"Well, is there any consolation for us," the Pope then asked.

"If any," Cardinal Stephanus replied, "it is that we have always won in the grace of our Dominican courtyard, and it seems it is at home we have won by the best margins. If tradition holds well, we will certainly defeat Demot 8-1."

"That's too optimistic," the Pope retorted. "We should not be so eager to count upon the LORD like that. We must be meek and seek the LORD's glory at His pace."

"Amen."

"Well, that was a perfect waste of water..."

Dancougar

05-11-2008, 05:28

"Launch sequence is Mammoth, Eagle, Cougar, Liger!" radioed an operator. "Pilot Sakaraya, you're go for launch!" A shockwave rippled through the hanger and rattled the walls and the other Beast Machines, as the Burly Mammoth accelerated down the tunnel with a quick burst. The Eagle taxied into position next. It centered itself carefully and its engines hummed as they warmed up. Word came that Joe was clear. "Pilot Tsumura, launch!" The Eagle roared into the tunnel and the light of its engines soon faded from view. The launch sleds were quickly rolled into position for Jun and Daniel.

Daniel's radio buzzed and Jun's face appeared on the panel. "Be careful out there, your highness!" she said. "I'll make sure to back you up if you need it, okay?"

"That goes double for you, Jun," Daniel replied. "We'll all make it back."

Jun smiled as her legs locked into place on the sled. "Roger that," she replied as the order to launch arrived. "See you on the surface!" She turned off the radio channel and blasted down the tunnel. She watched the lights along the side whip by as her progress indicator showed only a few seconds until the surface. Yes... we'll all come back again... Light. Jun's sled popped out and she leaped clear. Immediately, she leaned on her controls to direct the unit to the left, as she had to circle around and run west.

The Build Angels watched Jun head off. Explosions were visible in the distance as the Gray Sister cloud crashed into the 89th. Inoue opened up her a channel. "Liger will be up in twenty seconds," she radioed. "You two go on ahead. I'll be right behind you." Sonya and Christina acknowledged the order and rose. This gave them space for the transformation into fighter mode, and with that, they were off.

Daniel came up to the surface and, like Jun, broke to the left for his turn. Inoue immediately transformed into fighter mode and nudged her throttle forward. "Step lively, Prince Daniel!" she called. "There's something weird about those enemies!"

"What is that big thing, anyway?" asked Daniel. His radar had picked up a gigantic signal in the middle of the demon cloud. He could just barely see in the distance flashes of brown underneath the mass. They were firing shots out of their swarm at the machines below, but they continued to get picked off. Inoue was far ahead of him now, and he was about a minute behind Jun.

Brandenstein kept his line firm but continued to back up against the slow, methodic advance of the cloud. No one had been able to get a clean look at what was underneath. He had some ideas, though. He isn't wasting anytime, if he's actually sent one of them against us... if the Beast Machines aren't enough, will the pilots actually try 'that'? Overhead, two Rhinemaidens formed up behind the Eagle and both flew alongside the cloud directing fire inwards. They were tearing a wedge in the swarm and soon came under fire. Sonya and Christina broke off while Eagle just pushed forward.

A pair if air-to-air missiles crashed into the cloud, and Inoue's Rhinemaiden came around to join her wingmates. A rain of missiles followed from just behind the line of Lancers as Joe appeared in his giant tank. "MAMMOTH HURRICANE!" Joe cried, opening up all his weapon ports. He was going to clean this thing up, no problem. Another missile swarm smashed into the cloud, tearing apart bodies and leading to shrieks and squeals. Red flares came his way. A few of them hit the body, rocking the unit, but ultimately doing little more than scratching the armor. "It'll take more than that to hurt me!"

There was a cloud of smoke forming now, as demons and missiles exploded in unison. Artillery and laser fire poured in as Jun and Daniel arrived, and all the machines combined their fire. The amount of fire emerging from the enemy fell off sharply. "We can beat them!" Christina exclaimed. The Rhinemaidens circled overhead as red shots ceased to fly out. The attack ceased and they waited for the smoke to clear. Surely whatever they were guarding had been pulverized, too.

"It's almost too easy..." muttered Brandenstein.

Tetsuya flew over the smoke and tried to find a free angle. The wind was picking up, blowing the mess westward. He caught a glimpse of the brown behemoth inside lurching forward, its fist drawn back in a highly exaggerated motion. He switched on his radio in a panic. "You guys on the ground, he's coming!!"

Brandenstein turned back to the cloud and watched as a rocky fist burst forward and hit the Earth less than a hundred yards from the Lancers. The ground rippled violently and the wave reached the line, throwing the machines backward into a heap. Pilots cried out as their balanced failed them completely, bouncing clumsily off the ground, rattling both instruments and people inside. Brandenstein's machine ended up against the side of the Mammoth, which had taken a knock from the ground popping up into its undercarriage, but it was otherwise unharmed.

"What the hell was that?!" Daniel cried. The wave hit him and Jun, but by then it had tapered off. But he had seen all of the Lancers go airborne by the attack. "And what is it?" He looked at the beast... he'd never seen anything like it. It must be another weapon from a different world, just like the Gray Sister. It took a large step forward and threatened the remaining Lancers. Brandenstein had scrambled to his feet but the rest of his squadron was in serious danger.

The Rhinemaiden team lined up an attack and fired with their machine guns. Dust and gravel was chipped off the main body as they hit, with all three planes swerving clear of the beast at the last moment. The monster turned its attention to Sonya's plane and opened its mouth, which glowed yellow. Sonya looked back just in time to see an energy ball flying her way, and she banked to safety. "We barely scratched him!" she yelled.

Jun leaped into the fray and Daniel followed. "Guys, we have to tear into that thing before he reaches the others!" She fired her artillery cannon. Daniel powered up his laser and aimed for the monster's hip, hoping to sever it from his body. Both shots hit and send rock flying, but the beast merely shook it off. "Y-you're kidding!"

"MAMMOTH STORM!" Joe shouted, opening up laser turrets placed all over the Mammoth's body. They tore into the beast, which brought its arms up over its chest and face in a defensive posture. The barrage ceased, and the monster went into a crouch. "What's he... oh no, guys!" They all realized when it was too late. The beast jumped off the ground and landed hard, sending out a rippling shockwave in all directions. The Lancers were thrown into the air again, and this time the Liger, Cougar, and Mammoth were likewise toppled.

The monster stood up slowly and opened its mouth to reveal another energy ball. It was aiming for a pile of downed Lancers. Some pilots had managed to kick their crumpled hatches open and were trying to escape. They saw the charging shot and panicked. Suddenly the energy ball disappeared and the beast's jaw dropped open. A neat red line had appeared across its entire waist, and the Screaming Eagle exploded from it. "EAGLE CUTTER!" Tetsuya yelled. The beast split started to fall backwards and the body split in two as it crashed to the Earth...

Green wombat

05-11-2008, 05:32

THE HEXAGON REPORT
It's News, Because We Say So!

Congratulations to the newest Green Wombati Vice-President, Michelle Dansen, who won the popular election over Incumbent Reginald Forscythe and Henry Youngblood with 48% of the vote to 25% to 24% (respectively). In the electoral College, Dansen won 150 of the 201 votes, as she carried 6 the 8 largest counties in Green Wombat, which gave her 122 of the 201 total votes. Youngblood will finish with 17 Electoral votes and Forscythe will have 34.

In sporting news, Valetaland scored in the 88th minute to earn a draw with the wombats, and now Green wombat's chances to qualify for the next World Cup took a big hit as the next three games are tough and now at least 6 points are needed from those games, two of which are at home. The next match is against The Archregimancy, with whom we drew on the road, so a win at home is possible, and is most likely needed.

(NOTE: All home matches will be played at: Green wombat Field, aka: "The Barracks": The Hexagon. Capacity: 66,666.)
MD1: @ An Blascaod Mór WIN 2-1
MD2: vs Valetaland LOST 1-2
MD3: @ The Archregimancy Draw 1-1
MD4: vs Jasiyun/Jaseuyeon LOST 0-2
MD5: @ Sorthern Northland WIN 1-0
MD6: vs Nethertopia WIN 1-0
MD7: vs Onimar WIN 5-1
MD8: vs An Blascaod Mór LOST 0-2
MD9: @ Valetaland Draw 1-1
MD10: vs The Archregimancy
MD11: @ Jasiyun/Jaseuyeon
MD12: vs Sorthern Northland
MD13: @ Nethertopia
MD14: @ Onimar
OVERALL RECORD: 4-2-3

The Post MD8 Ranks (1st Place Votes in Bold Italics)

TOP 15 POLL
Rank/Prev.
1/2 Bostopia 8-0-1 9
2/4 Tynelia 8-1-0 6
3/6 Qazox 7-1-1
4/7 Starblaydia 7-1-1
5/8 Demot 7-1-1
6/10 Jeruselem 7-0-2
7/5 The Archregimancy 6-2-1
8/1 Cafundéu 7-1-1
9/13 Bazalonia 7-1-1
10/3 The Holy Empire 6-2-1
11/14 Daehanjeiguk 7-1-1
12/9 Yafalonia and Bazor 2 6-1-2
13/NR Candelaria And Marquez 6-1-2
14/NR Milchama 6-2-1
15/11 Kura-Pelland 6-1-2

FELL OUT:
#12 Magna Sancta Sedes Drew at Krytenia 0-0
#15 Wentland Drew Yafalonia and Bazor 2 0-0

Maybe we picked the wrong spot, as Previously #1 Cafundeu lost to Candelaria And Marquez, and The Holy Empire lost at Az-cz, meaning the LAST UNBEATEN IS: TYNELIA! Wentland and Magna Sancta Sedes each dropped out due to scoreless draws, but also due to Candelaria And Marquez' win and the win of Miclhama, returning the latter into the Top 15.

On the Bottom 5, Australiah, who lost 8-0 to Milchama occupies the unlucky spot, while the remainder of the bottome 5 stys the same, excepting Universitus University's draw, which allows them NOT to be imperfect, but they still remain one of the 7 winless wonders.

BOTTOM FIVE
76: United Island Empires 0-2-7 -18GD
77: Australiah 1-3-5 -17GD
78: Alversia 0-2-7 -16GD
79: Seventy Ninth Entrant 0-2-7 -16GD
80: Universitus University 0-1-8 -16GD

Prux

05-11-2008, 05:37

ESPN Journal of Sport
December 8th, 1944

Prux @ Thoughts of Randomness, Game 9 of qualifying
by: Saul Werth

Dr. Mkembe allowed a goal on the first shot he faced, but Zombie Ronaldo bailed him out the a 55th minute goal, as Prux has taken 4 of the 5 points we believe to be required to remain competitive for the World Cup. Only a trip to the last unbeaten, Tynelia is left before a home match against 2nd place in the Group, Yafor 2.

MD1: vs. Bushdome WIN 3-1
MD2: vs. Thoughts of Randomness D 2-2
MD3: vs. Tynelia Lost 2-3
MD4: @ Yafor 2 D 1-1
MD5: vs. United Island Empires W 4-1
MD6: vs. West Zirconia W 3-1
MD7: vs. Kelssek W 2-0
QUALIFYING BREAK
MD8: @ Bushdome W 3-1
MD9: @ Thoughts of Randomness D 1-1
MD10: @ Tynelia
MD11: vs. Yafor 2
MD12: @ United Island Empires
MD13: @ West Zirconia
MD14: @ Kelssek

OVERALL: 5-3-1
Projected: 8-3-3

Goal Scoring:
Zombie Ronaldo- 8
Zombie Just Fontaine- 5
Zombie Pelé- 4
Zombie Zinedine Zidane- 4

Newmanistan

05-11-2008, 07:33

THE ROCKET REPORT

SAME OL’ SITUATION

Starblaydia- For a little while, it looked as though the Rockets were going to break the top seed hex. This is their fourth qualifying effort, and still, Newmanistan has never, ever earned a single point against the top seed in their group. Ever! Every World Cup we see nations pull off such upsets, but it just cannot happen to Newmanistan. Furthermore, Newmanistan is consistently and aggravatingly (right now, it’s a word) close in these games. The result in Starblaydia is yet another one goal defeat. Another game where everything was there. Everything seemed to be in place, but the opponent pulled it out. Newmanistan gets nothing. Nada. Except for more help from Glaycia. Thanks, Glaycia.

Why is it that Newmanistan cannot earn a point in any of these games against top seeds? We asked numerology expert Margaret Johnson of Pocono City, “Sometimes the numbers are for you and sometimes they just like to play games with your head. And tease you, tease you like you were starving and tied up, and I dangled an apple just inches away from your mouth so you can’t get it. But I make you think you can get it even though realistically, you’re tied up and can’t reach it. Well, as far as the reality of the numbers are concerned, Newmanistan is still the underdog.” Interesting analysis, Margaret. She knows a thing or two about numbers and fate. Though others simply believe that the reason Newmanistan cannot pick up points in these matches is simply because the opponent respects the Rockets as a dangerous threat, and therefore brings their “A” game against us every time, where in games against weaker teams they may try to make it a walk through or perhaps experiment with formations and people in different positions and the next thing you know the underdog is having their day. Maybe that’s it. Maybe it’s a combination of that and numerology. If you have the answer, please let Brian Carson and his team know. We understand that no one should have expected us to come into Starblaydia and win or steal a point, but it would have been nice. It would have been real nice. We’re still looking at you, Lovisa. Dancougar, you too. But right now, we’re probably not scaring either too much.

It was an entertaining game, and with all the games that Newmanistan has won in Starblaydia certainly peaked the interest of the Starblaydi fans to see their team play the Rockets, whether it was because they expected a good game, or it was because they were just so sick of Newmanistan that they wanted to see Purple Peril rout. Starblaydia got on the board with the only goal of the first, coming off a corner kick in the 27th minute. It was executed by players the Starblaydi fans know and love, but who’s names escape us at this point in time. The goal was the highlight of a first half that both teams played well in, and had chances. Starblaydia held a 53-47 possession advantage in this time frame, and held a 5-4 advantage in shots on target. Alex Parnett and Jeremy McAllister were the most effective Rockets, but the defense of the World Cup 41 Champions was really difficult to penetrate. Give them credit for what they did, though, because they worked hard for it. When we got to the second half, we saw a very similar game. Both teams playing well, with Starblaydia playing just a little bit better. They did an especially good job dominating the midfield, and their halftime focus was likely Alex Parnett, and not McAllister, because Parnett was simply blanketed in Purple every time he touched the ball. Still, the Rockets showed their fight, and in the 62nd minute, this game was all tied up. On a free kick, Brett Prescott showed that the old man still has it, getting his shot over the wall but under the crossbar to tie the game up. For a while, it looked as though the Rockets might just get that dangling apple, or a point on the road. It was not to be. Starblaydia could have played for the draw, but that’s just not what made them a 3-time World Cup Champion now is it? They wanted three points, and they went for it, and the final 10 minutes tested the Newmanistan defense. The Rockets were holding up well, and making timely clears but they couldn’t get all of them. In the 85th minute, the same person who scored the first goal scored again, getting a fortunate deflection off the leg of Scott LaFave to allow the ball to come to him so cleanly. It was a goal. And a Starblaydia victory. Next up, you better be bundled up because just watching the next game in frigid Myedvedeya will make you cold. The Bears are playing well of late, and want to avenge a 4-0 win by Newmanistan.

Here is some post game reaction:

Carson: “It’s a shame we didn’t get anything out of the game, because we really did play well. We’re not about to surprise Starblaydia, especially here. They know us well and were prepared for us. In the regular season of a domestic league, this kind of loss is the type where you just tip your cap to the opponent and move on. Here, it’s a little more painful, but we can take positives from it.”

Brooker: “Not a bad game, but a bad result. We should have done more in the late stages. We played well for 80 minutes. And therefore, we lost.”

Kusler: “It was tough at the end, they really went all out for the victory when a draw could have been just fine for them, so it shows what kind of character they have, and it’s a lesson for us on what the difference is between a good team and a championship team.”

McAllister: “We needed something here, and we worked hard for it. Starblaydia came to play tonight, and even so we played them well. I don’t think we’re that far apart, it’s just that other teams are just doing a couple of the little things better. It’s not a devastating loss, and we’ll be ready for Myedvedeya. We’ve won in frozen Kelssek before, so we can win in Myedvedeya too.”

STARBLAYDIA 2
??? 27', 85'

NEWMANISTAN 1
Prescott (62')

Greal

05-11-2008, 07:51

Secristan

05-11-2008, 13:36

WIN THEN A LOSS

The Millionaires opened their second half run with an impressive home victory over the Deceased Writers Guild. Wait, we were supposed to beat them. It wasn’t that impressive then, but it was nice to finally be on the winning end of something again as we snapped out of a four-game winless streak. It was a sellout crowd for the DWG game as the SDOS road the coattails of the excitement the game from Jeruselem presented. If there was going to be any momentum form this 2-0 victory, the nation of KaMaRi quickly rejected it. In this match, we were defeated by the same score of 2-0. The Millionaires are located in the 6th spot of the group 9 table. 6 in 9? We’ll leave that for Jeruselem to enjoy.

The Secristan Department of Sports is expecting the next game against Septentrionia at home to be quite profitable. We pulled off a stunning victory against the pistachio lovers last time, and we are looking to do the same thing to them again. When the teams met in Septentrionia, the Millionaires were inconvenienced by never being told where the game was being played and thus took it out on the home team en route to the win. The SDOS however is not going to return the favor. Septentrionia knows that the game is at Monopoly Stadium in Amherst just like all our other home games have been. Perhaps, we can spoil their party again and get another win and keep them from qualifying. Then again, what’s KaMaRi done for us?

Adihan

05-11-2008, 14:52

World Cup 43 blog

Jake Holmes

It's been a rough few days for us. We learnt shortly before the game against Milchama that Luke Evans, the manager, had been seconded to the post of AFF Chairman, which would see him give up the job of manager, and the game against Milchama was his last match.

The boys would really have liked to win that game for him, we really would. Unfortunately it seems like the Milchamans didn't forget that they somehow thrashed us 5-1 on matchday one, and they came out all guns ablaze. We went 3-0 down pretty quickly, but to our credit we didn't give up and we continued to press them. I scored the 15th, 16th and 17th international goals of my career — my first international hat-trick. I was pretty pleased with myself.

Somehow, though, Milchama found something in them to kill us off. They played ridiculously far back in their own half and never gave us a chance to attack as they were content to play the possession game. Unfortunately for us they made one last foray up the pitch and we had to concede the penalty, and we paid for it. We're all really disappointed we couldn't give Luke the last-match win we would all have liked.

You may remember the brouhaha following our 'home' match against Liventia which had to be played at Grovers Park in Orean instead. Our return away leg was just days after the Milchama match, and just when it looked like the FAL would agree to give us the home allocation for the match in Orean, the Liventian government again intervened and moved the match to the old National Stadium in CCL, which meant our fans couldn't possibly make the trip in time. Absolutely ridiculous, and we ended up losing 2-1.

I hate to say this but I hope Alex Lewis-Edwards, who we've had as interim manager before, sticks to what he normally does at the AFF. He just isn't a good manager, and I'd hope Luke sees the sense of appointing his replacement quickly, lest we fail to qualify.

That's it from me today, guys, I hope you didn't mind me ranting my thoughts too much. Anthony will be back in a few days' with his next blog.

Jake Holmes

West Zirconia

05-11-2008, 15:09

West Zirconia's World Cup qualification hopes were dealt a serious blow with a 3-1 defeat against Tynelia in Moorcroft.

Roy Hazell named an unchanged team, fuelling rumours that Steve Griffiths was beginning to fall out of favour. Still, when a player, even a newcomer, scores at the rate Alun Lydiate has recently been doing, it would be a brave manager to drop him.

Hazell decided to play the attacking game, in the hope of catching Tynelia off-guard, and this strategy paid off after just eleven minutes. Hawthorne's cross found the feet of Ed French, whose shot came off the post and into the path of the eagerly waiting Lydiate. For the next half hour, West Zirconia were firmly on top of the game. Then, disaster struck. A Tynelian forward was brought down by Lewis Fox, who was sent off as a result. The offended player then scored with the resulting free-kick, and Tynelia were level.

So it stayed at half-time - but not for long afterwards. Not five minutes had elapsed before Tynelia were in the lead, and they doubled their lead on the hour. Mission accomplished, they then sat back and absorbed everything a desperate West Zirconia side could throw at them. However, it was not to be, as Tynelia proved why they are in the world's top 20 - and unbeaten in this group.

Kelssek are the next opponents, with both teams equal on points, and desperately needing a win to keep alive their hopes of qualification.

West Zirconia: Gray, Phillips, Fox, Munro, Paterson, Hawthorne, Williams, French, McGowan, Forster, Lydiate.
Goals: West Zirconia - Lydiate (11). Tynelia - Anon (42, 49, 60)
Sent off: West Zirconia - Fox (42)

Cassadaigua

05-11-2008, 15:28

Courtney’s Space

I don’t know if there’s been a time more like today where I just didn’t feel like adding to my blog. I logged on anyway, and see 352 new messages. Oh boy, this is going to be fun. I would say about 200 of them had a subject line to the effect of “What happened?” That’s the nice version, trust me. I like to read my fan responses, really I do. This morning, I just couldn’t. I started with some of them and kept reading the same thing over and over about how we blew it. How we will no longer be on our Cinderella run. How we no longer have a chance to qualify for the World Cup and how the &%$@ can you lose to Saturday Sport like that after beating Candelaria And Marquez and drawing Cafundeu. The readers had the questions, but they also seemed to have the answer to the very questions that they posed. That being, we were looking past Saturday Sport and ahead to Cafundeu. Some people tried to cheer me up by saying, “Courtney, it’s ok, Rennidan blew one too and only drew with the University.”

Thank you. Thank you for telling me all that. Thank you for forgetting what this is all about. This isn’t about us having to qualify for the World Cup. Of course we want too. It’s about us establishing Cassadaigua in the world of soccer. I look at my teammates this morning and I am not depressed or saddened by what we may have blown. We aren’t Valanora. We aren’t Daehanjeiguk or Qazox. Nor are we Cafundeu or Starblaydia. Those are the nations with World Cup expectations. Those are the nations to have fans ripping into them whenever they lose a game with ugly play to a team that they should have beaten. We came into World Cup qualifying to lay a foundation for the young ladies that will follow in our footsteps; so that maybe we can build enough of a reputation now for our great nation that one day they can be in a World Cup, and maybe World Cup glory can come to Cassadaigua. We are not failing in anything, and I am proud and will remain proud of my teammates for everything we have done. The fact that you are even thinking about a possibility that this late in the qualification effort that Cassadaigua still has a chance at the World Cup means we have succeeded greatly. Not that we have failed. When I said a while ago that we are not looking at the group standings, I meant it. We aren’t. We are the underdog in every game and are not taking anyone lightly, nor are we looking ahead to anyone. Yesterday, we laid an egg. It happens. It’s what you call the growing pains. It can either kill you or make you stronger. I’ll take the latter. We all will.

Daehanjeiguk

05-11-2008, 18:50

Dancougar

05-11-2008, 18:56

Dancougar News!!
Yes they could, and yes they did.

Empire rattled for needed points: The Black Wings pulled three points clear of the Rockets and nipped Lovisa on tiebreakers, climbing to second in the Group 8 table after last night's 2-0 home win over The Bostopian Empire.

Although the match was never in doubt, the Wings failed to equal their dominant 7-1 scoreline in front of a sold-out National Stadium. Coach Solomon Bilbao did use the opportunity to start some bench players despite the magnitude of the game, with a watchful eye on the coming clash with Starblaydia. Shiro Furuya, Alexei Voronzoff, and Brad Leeds were among the lucky starters, but with three points all but required from this one, players like Shishio Jinguuji, Lyle Dylandy, and Casey Berber were denied a day off. It gave Bilbao an excellent opportunity to evaluate some of the talent he'll no doubt need down the stretch.

"None of the matches from here can be considered easy," said Bilbao, who runs the risk of halting Dancougar's qualification streak at three. "Obviously, we're going to beat up on each other and that's going to throw this thing open. We'd like to come out on top of that, so it's important to get everyone in the right form."

With road points proving hard to come by in the tournament, the Wings will have to focus their efforts on winning their home games, and they started last night against the Bostopian Empire. Chances in the 7th and 11th minutes were stonewalled by Steve Bush, who immediately sent the message that the Wings could have a much harder time scoring in this game. Eternal backup Furuya blasted another shot over the bar in the 17th, as the Wings at least kept the Empire on its heels. History was made in the 19th when Jinguuji converted a square ball from Jared Matthews to make it 1-0. It was his 31st international goal, eclipsing Hideo Ikeda's 30.

"It's a small number compared to other guys in the world," said Jinguuji, who was given rousing applause when the record was announced to the fans. "Hideo was one of those guys who brought Dancougar football to the world, so it means a lot to hit this mark. But obviously the game comes first, and I'm just doing what I can to help us win."

He nearly got a second in the 26th when he slipped behind Mike Forside, but he was whistled offside on the mistimed run. In the 30th, he tried to spring Dylandy, whose effort hit the side netting. The Empire produced one attempt on goal in the first half, and that came in the 37th. Captain Greg Craven finally got past Kevin Underwood, who had been frustrating him all evening, and got a pass to Larry Johnson with the outside of his foot. Johnson let fly from twenty yards away, but it was straight at Yuji Watanabe, who knocked the ball down with his palms and picked it up safely. The score stood 1-0 at halftime. Although the Wings looked like the better team, the slender lead was a cause for concern. It only takes a moment to change a match.

The crowd urged the team forward as soon as the second half was underway, and just as in the first half, the Black Wings dominated possession and forced the Empire backwards. Within ten minutes, the lead was doubled. Berber intercepted a long through ball and looked for help. He found Dylandy streaking down the touchline and hit him with a high ball which Dylandy controlled with his chest. He tapped it to Underwood to start a break, and Underwood squared it to Voronzoff. Voronzoff's shot took a deflection inside the box and caught the goalkeeper flat-footed. He was credited for the goal which put the Wings up 2-0, his first since Oxen Cup VII as a member of the college all-stars.

Bilbao, figuring the lead safe, swapped out Jinguuji and Dylandy for Augustine Dennin and Musashi Yamada, switching up to a 4-4-2 to preserve the lead. The Empire never mounted a threatening assault. They sent long ball after long ball into the Black Wing end, where it was invariably headed clear by a defender. They did have three shots in the second half, and one was a well-placed sweep aimed at the top corner, which Watanabe jumped for and pushed over the bar. Meanwhile, Dennin came close to scoring Dancougar's third goal when a miscue at the back gave him the ball thirty yards away and only one defender to beat. He cut inside and fired a low shot to Bush's left, which he tipped out of play for a corner.

In the 83rd, Dennin nearly set up another goal. He chased an errant pass into the corner and attempted to bring it back. Dan Moore tried to close him down, but he was able to fake a move to his left and cut the ball back towards the end line. Dennin squeezed in a cross intended for Voronzoff, but Bush got there first.

"I just wanted to come in and try to make a difference," said Dennin, seeing his first significant action of qualifying. "Guys like Dan have come in hungry and left their mark on this team, and even though I know I'm not going to start ahead of them, I want coach to be able to say, you know, he's ready to go if we need him."

The Black Wings made it two for two against The Bostopian Empire and improved to 17 points on nine matches and sit in second place on a tiebreaker with Lovisa. Starblaydia lead the group with 22 points and will host the Wings on matchday ten.

Matchday ten preview: @ Starblaydia (7-1-1): Dancougar plays three of its last five on the road, and all three of those are against teams in the top half of the table as of today. We get Myedvedeya at home, and they're dangerous. And while we're at it, Alversia at home should be a win, but after losing a couple games to Starblaydia and Lovisa, will the Wings be all emo and end up completely flailing? In short, we don't fancy our chances down the stretch and can only hope that the group leaders lay an equally severe beating on Newmanistan, or themselves.

Starblaydia kicked that off last night with their 2-1 win over the Rockets, and the Lovisans drew their second straight, this time against Glaycia. So far, so good. Now the question becomes whether the Wings can get the upset on the road. They've done it before. In World Cup 42 qualifying, they held Milchama to a draw at home and then beat them on the road. In World Cup 41 qualifying, they were two for two against Az-cz, who were then in the top five. Does this set the stage for a miracle in the home of the Purple Peril?

We think Dan Potts will need to have a big game in order for the Wings to prevail. The no-name defense of Starblaydia - so called because we have no idea who they are - have been suffocating anyway, with only seven goals ceded in nine games. Two of those were ours in the home draw, so we've shown we can hang with them. But a hostile crowd will make a huge difference in the amount of energy the team brings onto the field. Kevin Underwood will have to stamp his authority on the game early and get the midfield to click quickly.

But seriously, now. Who thinks we can actually win this? Prediction: Dancougar 1 @ 3 Starblaydia.

The Archregimancy

05-11-2008, 19:32

THE EPISTLES OF POLYCARP

Polycarp's Second Letter to the Nethertopians

To the Plucky Lads of Nethertopia: Greetings

Gosh, you must be proud of yourselves, eh? 1-1 draw against the odds against a top-ranked team sailing through qualification - and all that after not winning a single match in the first half of qualification. Look at how far you've come! Losing to us 3-0 and 2-0 in the first two matches, and now a 1-1 draw.

Still, I have to admit that I thought we had you beaten until the last 10 minutes. Fair-minded souls that you are, I think you'll be the first to admit that giving Fr. Moses the Black a second yellow card for not taking a free kick quickly enough was a little harsh - and it's not as if he was intentionally time-wasting; he just wanted to pray quickly first.

Still, due credit to you for taking advantage of your man advantage. You certainly proved you're no walkovers last night! Not when you're playing 11 against 10, anyway.

I never did get a chance to properly reply to your reply to my first letter to you. While saddened to hear that your entire team isn't interested in converting to Orthodoxy en-masse, it pleases us to know that there are nonetheless already Orthodox members of your squad. I trust that they walk in the path of righteousness, and are a shining example to the rest of the team.

Yours in Christ

Fr. Polycarp the Venerable
First Hierarch of the World Cup Committee

Alasdair I Frosticus

05-11-2008, 19:37

PRESS RELEASE

FROM: The Holy Empire Football Association

TO: The Ordinary Reality Nations Participating in the World Cup

RE: Last Night's Loss to Az-cz

We have nothing to say about last night's match, so leave us alone, will you?

When Urkes doesn't score, there's nothing for us to comment on. He is our light, our muse, our inspiration.

And last night he didn't score.

Yes, we realise that this is one of the shortest and most boring press releases HEFA have ever issued, but really, what do you expect us to do?

We have millions of teenage girls thinking about choosing to die here because Urkes failed to score last night (though we understand he's had more success scoring with them), so I really do think we have more important things to worry about than issuing dull and unoriginal memoranda for a bunch of nations that might not exist outside our imagination anyway.

Yours,

HEFA

Candelaria And Marquez

05-11-2008, 20:36

The Albrecht Herald Online>Sport>Football
A new day dawns
By Mack Hession

In the strictest sense – the correct sense, regrettably – nothing much had really changed. But… Oh, you could feel it, couldn’t you? Not just from the cheering crowds, the faces tsunamied in tears of sheer joy, but from the more composed faces still failing to mask a smile, still walking with that extra jaunty air. Everything seemed so right again with the world – different, different from it had ever seemed before, perhaps: but this was the first November morning of the rest of our lives. This was a new era.

Yes, we were tired – exhausted, even. Who among us hadn’t watched it all unfold before our very eyes on television screens way into the evening and beyond? And on a school night as well! But battered physically and emotionally as we were, we could hold our heads up high this morning. That single thought: We’d won, you know. Sure, it was ultimately up to some other people to do the winning for us. But still, in a very real sense, we’d won.

We’d beaten Cafundéu. How the fudge did that happen?!

Okay. To be entirely fair, it wasn’t as though it came entirely out of nowhere. C&M had won three games in a row, after all, which is seldom an indicator of a lack of form, but the Cafundelenses’ qualifying record up to this point was being challenged only by Tynelia’s. The Monopolists had a plus twenty-seven goal difference, as well. Only Bostopia could beat that, and that was more down to the Bazalopes than anything else.

Our familiarity with Cafundelense football at the domestic level may sometimes lead us to over inflate the talents of their national team, but it would be inane to deny that they are not one of the planet’s finest outfits. One of the foremost rotators of the international scene, Júlio Vargas had pretty much everyone fit and ready for the C&M match and duly put out much the same first eleven as had battered the Big Blues earlier in a qualifying, in a game in which only Joel Sbaïz and a handful of miracles helped keep the score at a respectable two-nil. Kris Healy, for his part, had had little choice but to mess with a thus-far mediocre formula in the attack, with Aaron Kortsarian and Abdul Ibadulla given another opportunity to stress their claims for regular places ahead of more fashionable players. As for the defence – it was hard to argue that, after recent performances, this was really the ideal time to give Caleb Christmas his first competitive start.

Christmas, in the greater scheme of things, plugs a hole and nothing more. His absence from this game due to suspension aside, Enrique Silva de Aviz is a long-term fixture at centre-half, while even Steven Williams’ age will surely not see Christmas retain a place in the next squad. Even his own team-mates at Cathedral City, Hugo Julio and Sebastián Ferreira, have outperformed him this term; while any of Sean Wiacek, Agamemnon Knight, Eric O’Brien, Simon Watson and Jack Johnson et al may end up being seen as more viable options as the partner or back-up to ‘Enrique’ at World Cup 44. But this was a game that called for eleven heroes, and Christmas stepped up to the plate when he was needed most.

On ten minutes, on twenty-one, on thirty-four and on sixty-six; the twenty-six year-old kept Candelariasian hopes alive – be it with stops on the line or saving tackles, Christmas was simply a man possessed. He may be a man cursed with a perpetually-worried expression, but by the second half he was wearing a justified swagger. Maybe that comes with the territory, being an Anglo Marquesian an’ all, but as the game went on he began to stare Danilo Sampa in the eye as a footballing equal.

The Petardos S/A star, we can confidently predict, will not enjoy late December in quite the usual manner this year. Williams was the tougher tackler, with the Albrecht Turkish player cheered to the Solidarity Stadium’s rafters by his home crowd extremely lucky not to earn at least one yellow card for less than pretty challenges on the Cafundelense forward. He was fortunate that Arnako Vega, a Starblaydi referee never quick to reach for his pocket at the best of times, seemed unusually quiet all-round, to the point that one frequently wondered if he was even there. The game should have been a disaster as a result, and it was to the credit of both sides that it failed to degenerate into a barely legal free-for-all.

It wasn’t Williams who truly frustrated Sampa though, but Christmas. Every nailed-on opportunity, every powerful shot, was dealt with at the last possible moment by the Cats centre-half, leaving his opponent utterly dispirited. Silencing him proved the key to silencing Cafundéu – for a mixture of poor games in the Cafundelense midfield and powerful Candelariasian performances led to the home side increasingly gaining the upper hand by half-time. Vargas, sensing the mood, reacted by pulling off Moreira – and that was symbolic, the Cafundó do Juta star sub’d just a short time after appearing in his club side’s back-to-back defeats to Arrigo Portuguese, for whom not a single player made the C&M XI.

His replacement Fausto made little impact however, and the Corradini-Mengucci axis in the centre of the park became increasingly dominant. These two men may have little in common, save their playing style and the origins of their surnames, but once again yesterday the Petardos S/A star fed off the besieged captain and vice versa. It was Matteo Corradini, in an immense overall performance, who set up the game’s other true hero to score on the seventy-third minute.

Dionísio Madeira Lobos – it couldn’t not be him, and his tears that followed his thunderbolt effort couldn’t fail to move any sissies in the crowd. Healy merely motioned to Robin Jacobs to sit himself back down – Dionísio had been only a ball out of play away from being withdrawn.

One-nil up, C&M did not so much weather the attack as go even further on the offensive, Ibadulla and the substitute Jamie González pummelling the team’s other Sampa until the eight-third minute, when Kortsarian delivered a free-kick that sailed under the wall and into the bottom corner. Fausto was unfortunate not to pull one back soon after, but the home side were never going to surrender this lead and fully enjoyed their final few minutes.

So, where does this rate in the list of all-time C&M victories? This was perhaps not the greatest performance of them all, but the result provides Healy with a massive boost. An obvious spectre remains – though Rennidan do appear to be in freefall at the current time, a defeat to the managerless side would render the triumph against Cafundéu all but irrelevant, and even Cassadaigua wait in the wings to jump on any further slip-ups from the group’s big three.

A shock heard around the world? Only a bit. But, in the confines of the Candelarias, that world can’t help but seem just a little brighter today.

World Cup Qualification Group 10 Game
@ Solidarity Stadium, Albrecht, Candelaria

Candelaria And Marquez 2
Madeira Lobos 73
Kortsarian 83

Cafundéu 0

Nethertopia

05-11-2008, 21:00

Pieter-Jan Inniger's return letter to Polycarp

My dearest Fr. Polycarp the Venerable,

Of course we are happy with a tie against a great team like yours, it is always a good way for a small nation to gain confidence. It would have been greater if you had a perfect record yet, because then it was truly a sight to behold for our dearest Falcons.

As for Fr. Moses the Black, that could've happened to everyone. It was an unlikely unlucky incident and I am fairly sure that the second yellow card won't lead to a suspension. I mean, every team would pray if they were ahead in a game against a small football nation, in the last ten minutes, when nothing could possibly happen if you play it right, right?

And of course, it is always playing a difficult match against ten men, certainly when there's ten minutes to play! I mean, that is 600 seconds! And you were just so unlucky to concede two goals. Of which one was according to the assistant referee of course clearly outside, although the huge TV screen behind him, showing the replay of the goal, was showing that Soro was standing two meters behind Fr. Macarius and Evagrius.

And to react on your reaction on our first reaction to your first letter, we are a diverse population. All sorts of people live in our little nation. And we have got great news for you, there is a fairly large group of (Greek) Orthodox Nethertopians who have recently created a massive group of artificial islands and started to live there, as the The Dominion of The Nth Eagle Islands. About 77% of them would like to join your One True Church, but remain their lives on the Island. We were surprised too.

All the best,
Pieter-Jan Inniger
Vice-President of the Nethertopian Football Organisation

Qazox

05-11-2008, 21:00

<Unknown Location, Certifiably insane/Sawed Border; 1400, 10-11-43>

Somehow or another, Sawed got ahold of chemical weapons and launched a last grasp effort to drive us from their land. Most of the troops on both sides have spent the last 3 or 4 days either dying or puking. Fortunately for myself, I am one of the latter. I've lost about 560 men from my platoon and over 17,000 on just Qazox' side have died so far with over 45,000 more in escalating stages of deteriation.

The only good news is, Sawed and Certifiably insane have it worse than us, as the wind has been blowing it away from our lines an towards theirs. Over 50,000 of their troops ahve died, according to our spies, and unfortunately, about 100,000 civilians have been caught in the gaseous cloud.

This lastest outragous act was cleansed my soul of any pity for these people. They willingly broke international convention, and have hurt their cause more than ours.

I still think the national media has vastly sugar-coated the reports coming out of this area and in the south, but if most of the people knew what really went on here, they'd rise up and revolt. Because of that reason, and a couple of others, I'm temporarily supsending these letters I am sending to you. Joanna, I hope that you can forgive me for what I have to do for this country and for our daughter.

Major Brian Chalmers

Newmanistan

05-11-2008, 23:24

(Players gather in the hotel meeting room)

Drummond: No little J-Mac making the trip to Myedvedeya?

McAllister: Nah, Ashley and I didn’t think it would be good for him. Too cold here. She didn’t make the trip either.

Prescott: Yeah my wife and kids didn’t want to make the trip either.

McAllister: You’re son gonna play like you play?

Prescott: I hope so. Problem is, he was born in Cafundeu, so he’s going to have duel citizenship.

McAllister: I’m sure he would still play for us.

Prescott: I think so, we are raising him in Dover City. That Cafundeu lifestyle is just a little much, you know with all the taxes and stuff. I should have taken that into consideration before I signed there, but I like it.

Jennifer Vilardi: Hey Jeremy, did I overhear you saying your wife did not make the trip?
Prescott: Oh boy....

McAllister: Yes that is correct.

J Vilardi: Ok, that’s a shame.

Brooker: Uh yeah, let’s get to the game now, we need to beat these guys, I don’t care how cold it is.

Kusler: Well that’s why coach has had us train in an refrigerated warehouse with the air conditioning on full blast, so our bodies wouldn’t get in the state of shock when we arrived here. I think that was a pretty good idea on his part.

Drummond: Not to mention he had us all be shirtless. Except for the ladies, unfortunately.

McAllister: And we’re not allowed to use the heat in the hotel room, and in fact we must have the air conditioning on.

Parnett: Why do they even include air conditioning in hotel rooms in Myedvedeya to begin with?

Brooker: I was wondering about that myself actually.

McAllister: It’s worked though, it doesn’t seem as cold out as it would if we didn’t do all that stuff. What’s important is that we don’t think we can walk all over them like we did in Tundra Falls, because things are much different now. They are playing better, and of course, they are at home.

Parnett: Exactly.

Drummond: You guys think Starblaydia gives us help tonight?

McAllister: I hope so but I just have the feeling Dancougar is gonna win.

Brooker: I wouldn’t expect any from Alversia.

Kusler: Crazier things have happened. But that’s probably asking a little too much.

Prescott: All we can do is worry about ourselves.

Greal

05-11-2008, 23:51

Kura-Pelland

06-11-2008, 00:08

Those who questioned the strength of the young players are being proven ever more right with one point from two away games, although neither was too shocking. Septentrionia snuck a fortuitous 1-0 win courtesy of a late goal from veteran midfielder Raymond Paiement, who was gifted the ball by young Massimo Iampietro; Kenavt, who sensationally won at Shanvley, took a point at home with their mystery men.

Reports suggested that a lack of RP-inin was to blame, and there is now a clamour from the media to increase RP-inin supplies for the match against Jeruselem, one of the world's leading producers consumers of the performance-enhancing drug.

Some claim that Jeruselem's RP-inin is of low quality.

'It's impure,' suggested a researcher at the University of Fariynuff's Margaret Institute for Sports Research. 'RP-inin, as we know, is related to international press releases, and Jeruselem's almost entirely relate to slutty females. A very strange form of religious conservatism, as The Archregimancy and the like would no doubt agree.' But most accept that its huge quantities 'have a statistically significant effect on the team's performance, although it is not known whether the purity levels have a negative impact and further research is likely to be required'.

In other news, the Kura-Pellandi general election has been scheduled for November 27 on the RL timeframe. The National Democrats are expected to face a significant challenge from the Liberal party.

Jeruselem

06-11-2008, 00:28

Announcement from the Jeruselem Football Association

The current President of Jeruselem FA has resigned after a long bout of illness and time away from work. After a bout of infection after an overseas holiday from drinking dubious quality water, he did recover from this but his hearing which was dodgy at best has deteriorated to the extent he cannot function as the President of the Jeruselem FA. He will undergo further medical procedures for a bionic implant to boost his limited hearing. We at the Jeruselem FA, wish our ex-President all the best for the future and hope he can work in another capacity again.

Hence the current acting President of Jeruselem FA, the one and only Lady Dazzarina Handiskya Dallas of Jeruselem aka Queen Mother, will be appointed as the new President of the Jeruselem FA. She has done a stellar job taking over in a time of need for this World Cup 43.

Given the knowledge gained by our Dazza as a player, coach, ambassador, business-person and International celebrity, we feel Dazza is the right person for this job. It is rare you have an Administrator with the skills we have found in Dazza. At age 70, she's far from senile and more like an annoying school girl.

We regret our current President is stepping down but his health is the priority and the job is a stressful one. Hopefully, the bionic implants can restore the hearing and we can re-employ him in a less stressful position at Jeruselem FA. For now, Dazza can take the load and guide our teams to a new future.

New president Dazza Dallas took aim at claims of use of performance-enhancing drugs
"The use of RP-inin has been legal in World Cup since day 0. If one chooses to use it, then it's up to them. I don't see a problem here. Sure we use lots of it but then so does everyone else."

Elves Security Forces

06-11-2008, 00:43

Valanora Times
State of Emergancy

With but two months before the start of the World Cup Proper that is to take place inside Valanora and Vephrall, former Great Leader and husband to the current Great Leader,Tobias Raynor, has gone missing. Sometime in the middle of the night on July 14th the young man took off from the Raynor family mansion in the southeast of Raynor City and traveled to a border fence checkpoint northwest of Stormguard. According to the limited information availble to us, all we can discern is that there was a sudden emergancy at the checkpoint that one of Tobias' old military guards needed assistance with.

After not showing up in any areas in the country, and the checkpoint's encampment looking abandoned, it is now feared that Tobias was assassainated. It is unclear whether Colonel Whittaken had any part in the plot, as she and her unit are missing as well. It could very well be that upon arriving at the area that the unit delivered the fatal blow, or that they came under attack. Until a body is found though, there is hope that the jewel of the Raynor family can be found alive. What a blow it would be for the family and the country if Tobias' has been slain after all the work he did in keeping this country safe. It is then the hope of Valanora that he be returned home alive and in good condition.

Article by Darius Morrus

Daehanjeiguk

06-11-2008, 01:09

Demot

06-11-2008, 01:26

Demot Daily ~ Down The Strech

Well after a sluggish first half of qualifying, the Dynamo are looking once again like the belong in the upper tier of the footballing world. While at this time two years ago we were singing the praises of what was thought to be our golden generation of talent, it is now clear that we might have been premature in that boast. The only definite thing on this squad right now are the strikers, particularly the sharp form of Julius Rotherwell. The young man from the island has had quite a tale in his international career. Julius was first seen at eighteen years old playing in an AOCAF where the DFA decided to send a U-21 side. The Dynamo were promptly eliminated in the first round of the competition, but the tall and lanky forward would account for half of the side's goals. He then torched the DPL in his first two seasons with thirty-six goals and looking like a pheonom. He was going to be the next great striker for the Dynamo, in the mold of Black and Ysman.

Then controversy arose when Rotherwell was selected to the Dynamo's World Cup 39 squad. Rotherwell was the first person from the newly aquired island to represent Demot on the senior team, and the UCS, cohost of that tournament, refused to accept Rotherwell's eligability to play for the southwestern AO nation, which caused Demot to be forced to go to Valanora for the Proper. Despite this, the young striker gave a proper account for himself, and soon found himself transfered away to Candelaria And Marquez to be the star forward of Radyukevich CSC.

Despite the lack of success for his club, Rotherwell continued to put team's defences to the sword, and on the national team. He soon found a cohesion with Roma, and during the last tournament, the duo connected for over a dozen goals. With Radyukevich CSC somehow falling into relegation, he became a lucrative target and subject of a bidding war amongst the power clubs of the CMSC, before eventually deciding to join with the Turks over the Scorpions.

Now he has become the focal point of the Dynamo attack and is the key spark the side has as they have rushed out to a tie for first in the group. With qualification almost guaranteed, one will suspect that the striker will be seeing reduced minutes. I think this will be a mistake if it comes to pass, as the side should be trying to show their class and race to earn the group rather than just being satisied with qualification. It is a hunger that has been lacking since the side finished second all those years ago, and it that hunger that I see in the eyes of this young striker. Those are the eyes of a champion looking to change the world, give him his chance Demot, give him his chance.

Article by Luca Rott

Elves Security Forces

06-11-2008, 01:47

MD10 Results (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14174446&postcount=13)

Dancougar

06-11-2008, 04:53

The two halves of the beast lay on the ground motionless as Tetsuya's Eagle circled back around. The other Rhinemaidens had transformed into robot mode to help the Lancers evacuate. Daniel shook his head and checked the Liger's systems. He'd taken a hit, but he was okay, and everything was working. Jun was already up about thirty yards away, shaking off rubble from the oscillating ground. "You all right over there?" she asked.

"Ugh, I think so," Daniel replied. "That was unbelievable power that thing had."

"Not out of the woods yet!" shouted Tetsuya. He saw the beast starting to move, and rocks lying around him were starting to shake. A purple glow surrounded the monster and Tetsuya watched the body reform. That's impossible! I went straight through him! The creature roared and rolled onto its side. Then, pushing off the ground, it stood up and pounded its chest. Tetsuya gritted his teeth and began another attack run, this time lining up his plane at a right angle to the ground for a verticle cut. "EAGLE CUTTER!" he shouted again, blasting through.

The beast was split neatly in half and collapsed to the ground. Joe's tank rolled up in front of Jun and Daniel and opened up its weapons containers for one last missile barrage. "I'll put everything I've got left into this one! MAMMOTH HURRICANE!" The missiles swarmed out of his pod and smashed into the beast, breaking off larger chunks of rock. The Rhinemaidens poured down their last missiles, grinding parts of the monster to gravel. Dust swirled as the Liger and Cougar walked up to the sides of the Mammoth.

"Did you get him?" asked Jun. "I can't see through all that dust!" A harsh wind was blowing now, and dust and debris circled around the fallen body. A purple glow emanated from the cloud and a black form slowly took shape. It rose into the sky and sprouted arms and legs, and finally a head. The cloud material burst outward and pinged off their armor. The beast was fully recovered. "Impossible! You guys tore it apart!"

The beast spread its arms wide, revealing an impressive wingspan. It then brought the arms over its head and slammed them downwards into the ground. This send a directed pulse directly at the Mammoth. The Liger and Cougar attempted to jump free, but they were caught. Their lateral momentum sent them flying off to the left and right, while Joe's tank rolled backwards. The beast stomped the Earth now and a shockwave rippled out again. At the edges of the immediate battlefield, small mountains shot up from nowhere, creating a bowl-shaped ring. The Mammoth crashed into this barrier and Joe's head bounced into a hastily-deployed airbag.

"He's going to finish them off on the ground!" shouted Inoue. "Tsumura, we have to create an exit!"

"It's no good, it'll just keep reassembling itself no matter what we do," he replied. "We need to come up with something." The machines were struggling to their feet. Brandenstein and a few Lancers had stumbled off to the side and were being ignored for now. The monster identified the Beast Machines as his target. Tetsuya stewed for a moment and grabbed his mike. "Jun, Daniel, Joe! Prepare for Dancougar combination!!"

Jun's face lit up in shock. "Are you kidding? We don't even know if it works!" she cried.

"We can't beat it separated like this!" Tetsuya shouted back. "Joe, we're going to do it. Hey, prince, you read up on this part, right?"

"Y-yeah," stumbled Daniel. The computer handled pretty much everything, but he had to get the initial timing right. He would become the left arm of the super robot Dancougar, defender of the nation.

"Arm combination program!" ordered Tetsuya. "All systems go. LET'S... COM~BINE!! Form feet and legs!!"

Joe righted the Mammoth and charged forward. The Liger was running on its left side, the Cougar on the right. Tetsuya's Eagle circled around and prepared to make a direct run at the Mammoth. The shell of Joe's tank broke open and the legs folded out of the back. Two of the hover units became part of the legs, while the rest of the tank's body rose high into the air. The other hover units rotated around to the back. Joe's cockpit block was nestled carefully in the stomach of the unit. The side disparity between the Mammoth and the other machines was now evident, as each leg as as large as the Liger or Cougar.

"Form arms and body!" Tetsuya continued. Now it was their turn. Daniel jumped his Liger at the body as soon as the program directed him. His legs folded up into the body, but the body started to separate at its mid-section. The two sections clicked into place after a few feet, creating an elbow joint. The rump of the Liger jacked into the shoulder joint and steam burst from the connection. The arm was brought around to the side of the Mammoth's body, and the head cleanly broke from the body. Daniel's cockpit block now sat next to Joe in the torso, while a human hand came out of the Liger's main body where the head used to be. Jun's Cougar mirroed this transformation on the other side.

Tetsuya watched the progress. So far no screw-ups. The rock beast was watching about half a mile away. Tetsuya licked his lips. You're done, monster, he thought. His computer beeped, as he aligned the Eagle with the opening on the Mammoth's upper chest. "AND I'LL FORM... THE HEAD!!" The Eagle snapped into place, the wings forming a chest plate. The fuselage and cockpit block rotated ninety degrees and one last armor section came up like a hood to cap the machine. Tetsuya now sat at the head of the robot. His controls confirmed that the system was his.

He nudged the controls to ensure the connections were complete. The hoverjets on the legs pumped the unit from side to side, and he cut them off completely. The machine hit the ground with a thud. He took a step forward and tried the arms. Two fists drawn back, then relaxed. The Mammoth's generator was working overtime now to supply power to run all this. Tetsuya glared at the rock monster, which roared at him. "Come get it, then!" he yelled. "Four Beast Divine Combination... DANCOUGAR!"

The monster came forward and dove at him. Tetsuya met him head on and the two locked hands, grappling and attempting to find an advantage. The robot creaked from the sudden stress, but Tetsuya was confident. He nudged his thrusters and the Dancougar's impulse broke the monster's stance. The monster was leaning backwards, now, and Tetsuya let go and fired a punch, slamming the enemy into the ground.

From a distance, Brandenstein watched. "You were able to do it... you formed the Dancougar! Now things are going to get interesting."

The monster got up from the ground and lurched forward again. It opened its mouth to reveal a shining energy ball, and fired. Tetsuya brought the machine into a defensive posture, hands in front of his face. The shot him him and rattled the giant robot, but only scratched the surface. The monster roared and charged again. It took a swipe at the Dancougar. Tetsuya was unable to boost free and took the hit in the chest, sending the machine sprawling backwards. He fired up the back thrusters to stay upright.

"Hey, careful up there, it'll be worse if he hits at full power!" yelled Jun. Still... I'm surprised this thing held up so well! I don't remember it being so sturdy.

The monster came in for another hit, but this time Tetsuya was ready. The monster swiped at air, as the Dancougar had moved aside. "What are you aiming at, huh?!" laughed Tetsuya, bringing forward the right arm. He connected with the monster's head and blew the top of it clean off. Rock shattered and the beast crashed to the ground. It rolled at the Dancougar to get onto its back, with a big, powerful leg aimed at the machine. Tetsuya fired the thrusters and got back, coming to a rest about four hundred yards away. The beast got to its feet. Poking out of its head, roughly in the middle where the brain would be in a regular body, as a shimmering purple orb. It wasn't long before rocks rose from the ground to rebuild the head.

"Hey, did you see that?" asked Daniel. "That orb, that must be it's core!"

"Good eyes, your highness!" Tetsuya replied. A metal hilt popped out of the back, and the Dancougar reached back with its right arm with draw it out. "All right, monster, it's time to finish this. You hit hard, but we're one for one. And the final victor... gets the last strike!!" The Dancougar's internal core began spinning, as the power system began to radiate a white light. It broke through the cracks in the Dancougar's body. "LIGHT, COME FORTH! Dan~cou~ken!" A brilliant white energy shot out of the hilt and formed a blade.

Joe checked his computer systems and noticed immediately that the light was different. "Hey, it's white..." he said. "It was always blue before!"

"Doesn't matter!" shouted Tetsuya, pushing the Dancougar forward. He brought the sword back behind him and prepared a blow. The monster powered up an energy ball and prepared to fire when he brought the sword down. Unlike his Eagle Cutter, this time his vertical cut was complete and separated the body cleanly at all points. The purple orb was cleaved and shattered in a small explosion. The rocks crashed to the ground and sat there. Dust from the core settled on the ground and turned a dull gray before blowing away. The blade vanished and Tetsuya returned the hilt to its place.

Brandenstein smiled. "So the Titan was no match for him after all," he said to himself. "Stephen will have to verify this for me. But what will you do now... Boldozaa?"

Jeruselem

06-11-2008, 05:08

At Dazza Dallas Stadium, the score between Jeruselem and Kura-Pelland is 2 ALL in the 80th minute ...

Jacinta Sallad and a Kura-Pelland striker try to head the same ball but only succeed in getting each other. The striker gets up but Jacinta does not, lying on ground holding her head moaning. Jacinta tries to get up but wobbles around and has trouble standing, falling over again. Medics rush and stretcher off the wobbly Jeruselem defender who seems to be in fairyland. She's carted off the field mumbling stuff about pink elephants eating green Pisachio nuts.

Defender Princess Marie is asleep on the bench, when she gets rudely awaked by the coach. Marie runs into the field to the cheers of local crowd shouting her name. Both teams resume the hard hitting game throwing everything into scoring the winning goal. Jenny Sloan strikes - only to hit the post and for KP to send the ball down the other side to be saved by diving Marie to deflect the way away from the Jeruselem goal. KP takes the corner but the ball strikes the Jeruselem keeper in the face, and Kate Sallad attempts to run down the other side to be shut down at the last moment while trying to pass the ball to Kylie Sho.

KP attacks again, only for the ball to be punched away with local crowd shouting "BIKE! BIKE BIKE!" to encourage their Princesses. La Ning tries a strike but KP keeper has it covered. KP try to engineer another corner but a determined Dazzarina Intern saves the situation with a well timed interception. Flak Sho passes to Sister Hanna Josh who wins a corner with not much time left. Jenny Sloan fires off a header but it's punched away with Kate Sallad chasing down the ball to put it back in the danger zone.

Kylie Sho hit a header under the keeper's legs who was expecting the ball to go somewhere else. Dazza Dallas stadium erupted into cheer as the KP players looked at the ball in the back of their net. The whistle blew, with the Jeruselem girls doing a foxy boogie in celebration. Once again, another team failed to perform at the feared Dazza Dallas Stadium ... the graveyard of many hopes and fortress of Football in Jeruselem. It was truly the Temple of Jeruselem Football where the Goddess Dazza reigned and where Princesses sought the favour of Gods.

Meanwhile Sally Dallas was reassuring a dazed Jacinta Sallad she alright. Jacinta was sitting down wearing an "ice helmet" to reduce any potential inflammation caused by the head clash. She was hugging her favourite pillow for reassurance.

Qazox

06-11-2008, 05:22

QNN
Where News Happens

Toro Rojo Stadium, Las Vitas. One of the smaller to ever host a World Cup Qualifier, but Qazox still cruised to a 3-1 win over Tortuga y Hispaniola, and now just sits 1 point away from the World Cup, with 4 matches left.

Head Coach Joanna Davids rested most of the starters as the Taeshani flu continues its run through the Pheonix locker room, but the reserves still manged to win on goals from Jason Erca, Opal Howard and Georgette Savoy, the latter two scoring their first goals just 3 minutes apart in the second half.

Now the schedule gets tough. With 3 of the last 4 matches on the road, all against the four teams still in competition for the last 2 spots, (yes we are giving Qazox a World Cup berth, as they surely can manage one measly point in four games) with the lone home match against The Holy Empire, who have given the Pheonix their only loss so far.

The complete schedule and Results (Home games and Wins in BOLD):

MD1: @ Cokenia WIN 3-2 (Record: 1-0-0)
MD2: Swilatia WIN 5-0 (Record: 2-0-0)
MD3: @ Tortuga y Hispaniola WIN 3-2 (Record 3-0-0)
MD4: Az-cz WIN 6-3 (Record 4-0-0)
MD5: @ The Holy Empire LOSS 0-2 (Record 4-0-1)
MD6: Urna Eletrônica WIN 2-1 (Record 5-0-1)
MD7: Blouman Empire DRAW 1-1 (Record 5-1-1)
Friendly: defeated Vephrall 1-0 @ Valanora
MD8: Cokenia WIN 5-1 (Record 6-1-1)
MD9: @ Swilatia WIN 3-1 (Record 7-1-1)
MD10: Tortuga y Hispaniola W 3-1 (Record 8-1-1)
MD11:@ Az-cz
MD12: The Holy Empire @ Qazian Memorial Stadium, Qazox City. Capacity: 98,000.
MD13: @ Urna Eletrônica
MD14: @ Blouman Empire

QAZOX SCORING today
Jason Erca- 27'
Opal Howard- 60'
Georgette Savoy- 63'

QAZOX OVERALL SCORING
Charles Marquis- 9
Raul de Olivares- 8
Yolanda Christian- 6
Bonnie Young- 2
Jason Erca- 2
Brittany Lopes- 1
Benjamin Ernst- 1
Michelle de Barre- 1
Opal Howard- 1
Georgette Savoy- 1

<Commercial break>

A series of bombings in Rockport, Las Vitas, SaxerVilla and Graverville have killed over 1300 Qazoxian citizens and there is at least 7500 injured, with over 1000 people still missing. All 8 bombs went off at about 9:00 am, in varied locations ranging from the Las Vitas City Hall to Saxer Park in SaxerVilla. AMANDA has claimed responsibility for the attacks and warns that more are emminent, if Qazox does not withdraw from Certifiably Insane or Sawed by the end of the week.

Recently re-elected Furhur Daniel Renoir had this to say about the bombings:

Despite the conflict in the north, Qazox decries and is unabashedly shocked that our civilians now are being targeted by our opposition. In response to this heinous attack, I have no recourse but to declare unilateral nuclear war upon the nations of Sawed and Certifiably insane. The remants of those countries' leaders have until November 11th at 5:00 pm to unconditionally surrender to Qazoxian forces, or else they will face the consequences of their inaction. I regret having to resort to such drastic measures, but our foes have crossed the line of decency and we, no matter the cost to our nation, have to respond in kind. If there any more terrorist attacks upon Qazoxian troops, upon Qazoxian nationals, Qazoxian soil or Qazoxian allies, Qazox' response will be to launch our H7 nuclear warheads within an hour of an attack. Do not think we are bluffing.

The decision by Furhur Renoir has been met with disaproval even amongst Qazox staunchest allies, Taeshan and Sativaville. Green wombat has warned that if Qazox does launch any warheads at those countries, they will be forced to declare war upon Qazox. Prux has decried the notion of nuclear war, but have not yet stated what they would do if such an occurance presents itself.

Stay tuned to QNN for more news as it happens.

Prux

06-11-2008, 05:33

ESPN Journal of Sport
December 15th, 1944

Prux @ Tynelia, Game 10 of qualifying
by: Saul Werth

We didn't get the 5th point. Tynelia, who clinched a World Cup Berth, the first nation to do so, won 4-0, dropping the Zombies to only 4 points ahead of both West Zirconia and Kelssek. Up next is the home finale against Yafor 2, who have shook off a slow start and are only a few points away from qualification themselves. A win would almost assure Prux a World Cup berth, as they'd be at least 4 point ahead with 3 matches to go, and 2 of those matches are against West Zirconia and Kelssek.

MD1: vs. Bushdome WIN 3-1
MD2: vs. Thoughts of Randomness D 2-2
MD3: vs. Tynelia Lost 2-3
MD4: @ Yafor 2 D 1-1
MD5: vs. United Island Empires W 4-1
MD6: vs. West Zirconia W 3-1
MD7: vs. Kelssek W 2-0
QUALIFYING BREAK
MD8: @ Bushdome W 3-1
MD9: @ Thoughts of Randomness D 1-1
MD10: @ Tynelia L 0-4
MD11: vs. Yafor 2
MD12: @ United Island Empires
MD13: @ West Zirconia
MD14: @ Kelssek

OVERALL: 5-3-2
Projected: 8-3-3

Goal Scoring:
Zombie Ronaldo- 8
Zombie Just Fontaine- 5
Zombie Pelé- 4
Zombie Zinedine Zidane- 4

Green wombat

06-11-2008, 06:01

THE HEXAGON REPORT
It's News, Because We Say So!

4 points behind with 4 games left, and 3 of those on the road. Green wombat drew once again with the Archregimancy this time 2-2, keeping them alive for a World Cup Berth. But with the next two matches against Jasiyun and Sorthern Northland, 2 of the 4 teams ahead of the Wombats in the standings, it is must-win time as any result other than 2 wins in those game would all but eliminate Green wombat.

(NOTE: All home matches will be played at: Green wombat Field, aka: "The Barracks": The Hexagon. Capacity: 66,666.)
MD1: @ An Blascaod Mór WIN 2-1
MD2: vs Valetaland LOST 1-2
MD3: @ The Archregimancy Draw 1-1
MD4: vs Jasiyun/Jaseuyeon LOST 0-2
MD5: @ Sorthern Northland WIN 1-0
MD6: vs Nethertopia WIN 1-0
MD7: vs Onimar WIN 5-1
MD8: vs An Blascaod Mór LOST 0-2
MD9: @ Valetaland Draw 1-1
MD10: vs The Archregimancy Draw 2-2
MD11: @ Jasiyun/Jaseuyeon
MD12: vs Sorthern Northland
MD13: @ Nethertopia
MD14: @ Onimar
OVERALL RECORD: 4-3-3

The Post MD10 Ranks (1st Place Votes in Bold Italics)

TOP 15 POLL
(teams that have Qualified for the World Cup are in Purple)
Rank/Prev.
1/2 Tynelia 9-1-0 15
2/3 Qazox 8-1-1
3/5 Demot 8-1-1
4/1 Bostopia 8-1-1
5/6 Jeruselem 8-0-2
6/8 Cafundéu 8-1-1
7/12 Yafalonia and Bazor 2 7-1-2
8/14 Milchama 7-2-1
9/7 The Archregimancy 6-3-1
10/9 Bazalonia 7-2-1
11/10 The Holy Empire 6-3-1
12/NR Yafor 2 7-1-2
13/NR Sorthern Northland 7-0-3
14/4 Starblaydia 7-2-1
15/NR Dancougar 6-2-2

FELL OUT:
#11 Daehanjeiguk Lost at Vlaskin 1-2
#13 Candelaria And Marquez Drew at Rennidan 0-0
#15 Kura-PellandLost at #6 Jeruselem 2-3

Not much change in the top 15 other than the following. Bostopia, who drew with The Macabees, dropped only 3 spots in the rankings, while Daehanjeiguk drops out again following a loss, as did Kura-Pelland. Candelaria And Marquez also dropped out following a scoreless draw with Rennidan. Rejoining the Top 15 are Sorthern Northland, the only 3-loss team on the poll, and Dancougar. Yafor 2 makes a return appearance as well. Tynelia remains the lone-unbeaten and becomes the first team to qualify for the World Cup, and to be the unanimous #1 team.

Universitus University is off the Bottom 5 as they finally won, leaving only 6 winless wonders now. The best of that lost seems to be Thoughts of Randomness who have 4 draws to their credit. The Pillow-fight of the Qualifying campaign seems to be the ToR/UIE match up in 2 weeks. Daehanjeiguk makes a 2nd appearance at unlucky 77 following its loss to Vlaskin.

BOTTOM FIVE
76: Panuul 0-2-8 -16
77: Daehanjeiguk 7-1-2 +15GD
78: Alversia 0-2-8 -17GD
79: United Island Empires 0-2-8 -19GD
80: Seventy Ninth Entrant 0-2-8 -17GD

Newmanistan

06-11-2008, 08:15

THE ROCKET REPORT

BEARS MAKE UP FOR LOSS

Myedvedeya- When the Rockets met with the reigning Baptism of Fire Champions, it was raining all right. Who could forget that rain-soaked matchup between Newmanistan and Myedvedeya at Tundra Falls. It was a climate that perhaps the Bears weren’t that accustomed to, and that helped Newmanistan register a 4-nil victory. It also may have been the wake up call for Myedvedeya, because since that game, the Bears were a respectable 3-1-2 coming into the re-match, including picking up a win over Dancougar and a draw with Lovisa for us. They’ve been a helpful spoiler for our cause, but today they had to show that these Bears play no favorites. They were about to be as much as a spoiler for us as they were to our competition.

If you enjoy the cold, snow, and bears (actual ursines, not the football team), then Myedvedeya is a good place for you. Otherwise, you may only want to plan a short visit, if you want to visit at all. As expected, it was freezing, and the home team tried to take advantage of this. Newmanistan though seemed to be well conditioned for the temperature. In their training for the match, Brian Carson made the team play in a refrigerated warehouse with the temperature at the coldest possible setting to avoid frostbite (he didn’t need to risk an injury that badly). Also, with the exception of Julie McElroy and the Vilardi sisters, they trained shirtless. The ladies got off by wearing a sports bra. This was done so that when they arrived here, they would not have a body shock to the temperature change. Also, Carson did not allow the team to use the heat in their hotel rooms. It seemed to work, the Rockets didn’t seem to be too affected by the temperatures as much as we’ve seen from other teams, and perhaps Carson’s model will be something that other teams follow when they come out here. We saw ourselves a pretty good match as the Bears are also trying to cling on to qualification hopes, albeit much smaller ones. Newmanistan took it too Myedvedeya early, trying to do exactly what they did before and use Carson’s domestic knowledge of Boris Bykovsky to his benefit. But since we last played, Bykovsky has obviously made the necessary adjustments, and made some very nice saves in the early stages. McAllister generated two of them, coming in the 5th and 11th minutes, while Brett Carlson had a great 8th minute chance. They couldn’t completely survive the opening flurry, as in the 17th minute, Carlson blasted an impressive low level shot that seemed to take Bykovsky by surprise. It was Carlson’s third goal against Myedvedeya. In the first game, Newmanistan did a great job with their containment of Aloyoshenka Vorotaev, the Golden Boot winner of the Baptism of Fire, and a true leader of this team. In the 24th minute, the actual leader of the team, captain and member of the Tundra Falls Mariners, Nikolai Dolohov found his superstar striker with a perfect cross into the box and Vorotaev capitalized, getting the fans, both human and ursine, onto their feet. It was a message delivered that this game would be different. Myedvedeya continued to have the momentum for the remainder of the first half, but the Rockets responded well to the challenge, making key defensive plays, and also getting the necessary saves from Chris Kusler. We had ourselves a good game on our hands, but the Rockets needed to find a way to pull this out and get three points.

During halftime, Brian Carson was concerned about getting the momentum back. They started well, but after the Bears tied the game up, they seemed to be in control of the match. Statistics showed that after the 24th minute goal, Myedvedeya held a 63-37 possession advantage, and had seven shots on target compared to just two by the Rockets. He didn’t think it was because of the cold temperatures as the team didn’t really seem to be affected on the field. It was a simple case of being outplayed, and that had to change.

Change? Yes we can! That was the spirit of the Rockets as they came out just as aggressively as they did in the first half, quickly getting the home crowd nervous and having them believe that Newmanistan was going to make them pay for not getting another goal before the first half ended. Alex Parnett had Jeremy McAllister behind the defense for a great 49th minute chance as Ivan Romasko was caught upfield, but Karolek Preminin took the easy way out and stepped up and forced the play offside. A similar play occurred in the 52nd minute, with Preminin again doing the offsides trap to his benefit. In the 55th minute, Brett Prescott let Mr. Preminin know what he thought about the offsides trap and laid out a vicious tackle on the defender while the referee’s head was turned away which really got the crowd aggravated. Preminin had a bit of a limp for a couple minutes, but it went away and he played well for the rest of the game. But the Bears were mad, and making Bears mad isn’t always the greatest idea. In the 62nd minute, and against the tide of momentum and possession, a 25-yard strike by Nikolai Dolohov found the back of the net to put Myedvedeya in the lead by the score of 2-1. That cheered up the crowd. For a little while, Myedvedeya controlled the play, but that only lasted about five minutes before the Rockets took control again and now found themselves looking for an equalizer instead of the go-ahead tally. After a couple of nice saves by Bykovsky, Jeremy McAllister picked up his first goal against Myedvedeya on a header. A little uncharacteristic of your typical J-Mac goal, because normally when he scores on headers it is off a corner, and this was not. Perhaps that’s why it went in, because it was not one of the first things on Bykovsky’s scouting material. It came in the 73rd minute, and would be the final goal of the game. It did not end all of the action though, as both teams had plenty of chances to get their third goal of the match. Neither team wanted only a single point out of this game, and it showed out there. In the end, however, that’s the result that both sides will have to take. It’s a 2-2 draw on a day that Dancougar defeated Starblaydia, putting a severe damper in our hopes of qualification. It’s not impossible, but we hate to say that Newmanistan’s next game in Lovisa is for everything. But, the next game in Lovisa is for everything.

Here is some post game reaction:

Carson: “We did a good job adapting to the climate, I don’t really think that was an issue. Myedvedeya played much better then they did against us when we played in the downpour of Tundra Falls. We needed three points here, this was a tough result. We’re going to keep fighting as we know we are still very much alive.”

Brooker: “Our mulligan was the draw with the Bostopian Empire. We need outside help now and we probably have to win out. We’ve done crazier things, so we can do it.”

Kusler: “Not particularly happy with the way I played today. I should have made the saves on both of their goals. I know my teammates will tell me not to be hard on myself, but those are balls that I can get and for me not to get them is unacceptable.”

Prescott (on the tackle to Preminin): “I don’t like wuss football. Blatant offsides trapping like that, though within the rules, is still wuss football. So I let him know that.”

McAllister: “It was a hard fought draw, but we didn’t need a hard fought draw today. We are not stepping up when we need to be. Dancougar did today. That is the difference between us and them. Now, we all need to step up and win out.”

NEWMANISTAN 2
Carlson (17')
McAllister (73')

MYEDVEDEYA 2
Vorotaev (24')
Dolohov (62')

Kelssek

06-11-2008, 11:35

http://i141.photobucket.com/albums/r56/kelchek/media/etnierfp.png

Tupper: World Cup qualification "extremely difficult"

By: Michael Harris
November 6, 2008

With four games still to play, Kelssek are as good as out of contention to qualify for the 44th World Cup, says general manager Mark Tupper in remarks to the media following the 1-1 draw against West Zirconia.

"You can say luck played a factor but the fact is, we haven't been good enough and after making it the last two times the boys just assumed we could cruise through. That's a dangerous assumption to make, as I told them several times, and we're paying for that hubris." he said.

----INTERMISSION FOR HAIKU-----

All is lost, and now
It is time for us to cry
Miracles aside

----------------------------------

Teenage sensation Thomas Brodif, the one bright spot of a dismal qualifying campaign, spared Kelssek the blushes with the equalising goal on 77 minutes, calmly volleying the ball into the net as Steve Gray was unable to hold on to a cannon of a shot off Vincent Arsenault.

West Zirconia had gone ahead in the 13th minute as Paul Paterson headed in a corner after a defensive miscommunication saw Claude Chamonix collide with Mikhail Gobrynin in an effort to get to the ball.

Although it was a point gained, Kelssek really needed all three points as they instead slid to fifth place, four points out of a playoff spot as they head to Tynelia for a tough match against the group leaders, who have already qualified.

Jeru FC

06-11-2008, 13:30

Ryan Greenly was talking to his Jeru FC
"OK team. THIS IS GOOD! I see everyone running out making an effort now. Yes, you still fall over and look like idiots but you are making an effort to look like a football team. It's not over as yet! FOUR GAMES. Yes, FOUR. We are 3rd but not by much. We have to work hard here team. You know who the new President of Jeruselem FA is. She wants both Jeruselem teams to make the finals. Jeruselem don't need much but we need more wins still. I know you lot are near retirement from this team but this your last stand. There is no point is crashing out like losers. We are a top team but we aren't playing like one as yet. I want you to put in the big effort, the big push, the big shove. I want us to be 3rd in this group. We can't be the best but we must make the finals. I was coach of Qazox for 4 cups, I'm used to success and winning teams. I've cried when Jeruselem beat Qazox time and time again but I'm on the other side now. I want you to be like Jeruselem. People still think you are idiots but we must stand strong now. FOUR GAMES, to prove we deserve to be in the finals. My Qazox will make the finals, Jeruselem will make the finals but will my Jeru FC make the finals? It's all up to you. Remember, Jeru FC is about the army - the armed forced where fighting for your nation is what you do. On the field, it's like a war - we must fight for your nation and glory. Winning is the aim, losing is other option. Which one are you going to choose?"

He pointed at the team
"You decide your fate not me. I want everyone on board. I want everyone to work for the common aim. There will no second chances here. There's a black line, we must cross it. Other teams want get ahead of us, but we must be ahead of them. Forget about Bostopia and Bazalonia, focus on us. They will make, we must follow. If we don't, we fail ... and lose the war."

Cassadaigua

06-11-2008, 15:48

Courtney’s Space

We were back in Cafundeu and this time we were completely prepared. We got sponsorship from the Greyhound Shipping Company again to pay all of our expenses due to silly Cafundeu taxes. They have been a good sponsor for us and have allowed us to focus on playing soccer while we have been here instead of worrying that whether you have paid everything. We did get some soccer played, and you know the score. If you think about it, we should not really be that discouraged as with the exception of the game that we drew earlier the Monopolists have been unbeatable. They only other blemish on their record is a recent loss to Candelaria And Marquez so they had twice the reason to take it out on us. To avenge that loss which was in their last game, and to avenge the draw with us. In Cassadaigua, Rachel Terry stole the point for us, but to ask her to do it again was too much. She tried her hardest, but I’m not going to lie to you. Cafundeu is stronger, smarter, and faster then us when it comes to soccer. We’re learning and we’re going to get there. For right now though, this is the 8th best team in the world, and they weren’t going to fail to beat us again. I’m not quite sure how to evaluate our performance. We lost 4-1, and that’s never a good thing. I don’t think we were terrible, and we definitely did not back down to them. It just wasn’t going to be our day, and even when I scored the 59th minute goal, we were already down 3-nil. It would have been nice to have played them a little closer.

There’s only four games to go now, and we are coming up on the one home game that we have in the second half of the schedule which is against Colbourne. It’s going to be so great to be back in Cassadaigua and play in front of our home fans again. As interesting as it is traveling to all of these different countries, you realize very quickly that there is truly no place like home. It’s been a great experience for all of us. See you back in Concord Heights!

Urna Eletronica

06-11-2008, 17:05

News: Government promises to expand subway system

With the excitement of the country's citizens over the good campaign of Urna Eletrônica in the World Cup qualifiers, with a real possibility of qualification, the politicians of the country are enjoying a rare moment of being praised, as they are usually criticized by the fact they are corrupts and ever forget to fulfill their promises, but as they know that if the country doesn't qualify the critics will return, they have already started to make more promises to keep the people happy, although in their comments they say that the country will qualify and that this will be very important for the progress of Urna Eletrônica as a whole, as this will strengthen the country image for the other nations of the world.

The promises seem to be the same as ever, and ones that never turned to be concrete: build more schools, improve the healthcare situation, improve the police and security of the country, make the economy grow in order to create more jobs and to make the people earn more money, and the one that has been the most explored right now, which is the expansion of the subway system in the country capital, Caixa Dois, which right now only has three stations that connect the house of the mayor to the most expensive restaurant of the city and to the airport.

News: Protest against Collor during a training session

The draw in the game against Az-cz could be seen as an excellent result for Urna Eletrônica according to the rankings, but it was seen as a bad result for the supporters due to the country's hopes to get the qualification, and this negative view resulted in a protest against some players of the team while they were training (practising some speeches in front of a mirror or debating about issues of the country with other players), with Maluf (still being investigated by the police), Afif (viewed as a villain) and Collor being the most criticized, with Collor even being hit by a tomato while making a speech, as the protesters claim that he has stolen money from the bank accounts of many people from Urna Eletrônica for personal use.

Other players of the team seemed to agree with the protesters and wanted to see Collor in jail for his crimes, as Lula and Freire, who launched the idea of an election to see if the midfielder of Urna Eletrônica will be sent out from the team, as a punishment for getting involved with corruption, although other players, like Caiado and Chaves, think that what Collor did was perfectly normal and that he should continue the team to help the country to get into the World Cup, and that Collor isn't the only one to make this kind of crimes, something that upset the protesters.

Taeshan

06-11-2008, 18:35

The Knights Beat Linpada

It was the first game this season on X Island between the home Purple Knights and the visiting Linpada squad. It was 12 degrees below zero and snowing like crazy. Visibility was down to a minimum, and the teams were ready for a brawl.

The Knights had a good game from goalie Tad Montague who kept the Linpadens scoreless throught the game. Brian Ying Uing scored the only goal in the 47th or 48th minute. The scoreboard was all covered with snow and know one could tell so they just guessed. Next the Knights head to Wentland trying to score a point to stay in the race for qualification.

Kura-Pelland

06-11-2008, 19:09

Stephen Hill has announced his international retirement after an embarrassing error gifted Jeruselem a 3-2 win at Dazza Dallas Stadium, throwing Kura-Pelland's qualification campaign into real difficulty with three away games still to go.

Hill let a header from Kylie Sho go under his legs.

'I just totally lost sight of the ball, I cannot believe I made that mistake,' Hill told NTV. 'It is clear I am no longer the best goalkeeper in the country and that at my age I cannot give everything for both club and country, and as such it is with some sorrow that I announce my immediate retirement from international football.'

The #1 jersey is set to be awarded to Terence Guffingham, the 24-year-old Parwood City goalkeeper, but Andy Hodgson will now be the default starter for the side at just 20. That's not the only change though, as Kura-Pelland opt for speed and flair to overcome a physical Chutnusak side at Shanvley. A 3-4-3 formation is expected, with Massimo Iampietro playing on the left side of midfield and a three-pronged strike force of Keith Wilder, Prince Ogunde and Gilles Rothen, combined age 63. Norbert Fiero is not in the side after picking up mild concussion in a clash of heads late in the Jeruselem match; while he was able to complete the game he complained of dizziness after the game ended, and he has been rested for this match, although he should make the bench. The speedy Charles Graham is preferred to Tommy Yuram-Wilson at the back.

Starting lineup for match vs Chutnusak (3-4-3): Hodgson; Graham, Phelps, Lupin; Iampietro, DaWealia, Oughton, Belling; Rothen, Wilder, Ogunde.
If the style modifier can be changed for a given match, change to +2.186 for this game only. If not, keep it at +1.093.

Taeshan

06-11-2008, 19:46

Knights Tie Wentland

In a thrilling game yesterday inb Wentland the two opponets came out even 2-2. Both teams were reared up to go in this game, both trying toget away from the dreaded possibility of the Capitalizt Slani team taking one of them out of the top 3. It was a close game and both teams were watching the scoreboards of the other games religously. The Yafolonians seemed to haave opne there game taking a bigger lead on the group as did the Slani's but both Wentland and Taeshan are still in qaulifying position.

The game was as stated before close. Both teams trying to get a huge win on there way to qualification. Well anyways they still tied it. The Wentland team scored there goals early in the 15th and 3oth minutes. But those goals were decisive as the Knights came back late in the game with a Brian Ying Uing goal, and an A. F. Falcon goal in the 77th and 80th minutes. Next the Knights face Docky in what should be one of there easiest qualification match ever.

Dancougar

06-11-2008, 21:14

Dancougar News!!
Why... you got your... Lupin the Third... in my... Ga-Rei Zero.

Purple people beaten as Wings earn crucial upset: In what may turn out to be the biggest goal of his international career, Dan Potts delivered a clutch 85th minute strike to give the Black Wings a 2-1 win in Starblaydia last night. While Starblaydia's cushion was such that it did not affect their group-leader status, the points were crucial to keep pace with Lovisa, 2-1 winners in Alversia, and stay ahead of the Rockets, who were held 2-2 in Myedvedeya. The Wings welcome to Bears on matchday eleven.

A cautious first half by both sides gave way to a furious final half hour which saw all three goals. The Black Wings were eager to shake off any notion that they couldn't win on the road and were able to come back from a goal down thanks to attack-minded substitutions from Solomon Bilbao and an attack-minded approach that saw them all but besiege the Starblaydia goal. "I won't go so far and say that we shocked the world tonight," said Bilbao. "But the team performed very well under pressure and got the result."

It remains to be seen whether this a true indicator that Dancougar means to make a hard run at the tournament or if it's a fluke result that will ultimately be remembered as the highlight of a failed campaign. It was not long ago that Starblaydia were the reigning World Cup and AOCAF champions. The points also closed the gap between Dancougar, Lovisa, and Starblaydia, making life more difficult for those in the middle of the table. It's the fourth straight qualifying tournament that the Wings have earned at least one victory against the top seed in the group and the third straight in which they took at least four points from those games.

"Those are nice stats, but ultimately what matters is what we do today, tomorrow, and after that," commented team goalscoring leader Shishio Jinguuji when given news of the streak. "As long as we hang around in every game, we have the ability to win it. The only points that matter are the ones we still need to get."

Starblaydia looked the better team in the first fifteen minutes, with roughly two thirds of the possession and both recorded shots on goal. Yuji Watanabe, coming off his second shutout of the tournament, was able to pass the early test. Captain Kevin Underwood was forced to drift back into a defensive position, giving the Wings a little less speed in midfield. Lyle Dylandy finally got the Wings going in the 19th by earning a corner on the right side of the field, and he took it himself. Jinguuji went up for it, but the 'keeper got there first and punched it clear. Dancougar was able to reassert itself on the attack after that, and saves were made from Dylandy and Potts before the half-hour mark.

The best chance of the first half came with Starblaydia pressing with five minutes to go. Kazuki Midorikawa was given a talking-to by the referee after a stern challenge in midfield, and once play restarted, Starblaydia dove right at goal. Midorikawa once again came up strong to win the ball, but the official once again pulled him aside, this time producing a yellow card. The hosts were awarded a free kick 23 yards from goal. With the home crowd cheering for a goal, the shot was curled over the four-man wall and took a sharp bend left toward the near post. Watanabe's dive was late but it struck the woodwork.

There was a scramble in the box and the follow up was sent into the side netting for a harmless goal kick. "There was a lot of spin on that shot, and a lot of power," said Watanabe. "I should've got off the line as soon as he hit it."

The teams went into the locker room tied 0-0. Meanwhile in Myedvedeya, the Rockets and Bears were tied at 1-1, a favorable result for the Wings. Bilbao decided he needed to go for the dagger. "We were still in the game, and after the first few minutes, we were playing them pretty evenly," he said. "I told the guys at halftime to try and play a little more aggressively, hit some more direct balls, and try to get that opening goal."

But it wouldn't come. The Black Wings attempt to push forward met resistance from the Starblaydia back line, which only allowed one clear shot on goal. That came in the 51st, when Shishio Jinguuji attempted to redirect a cross from Benjamin Whittaker. The big striker found some space but failed to capitalize, as he sent the header over the bar. Instead, it was Starblaydia mounting the pressure. Sho Yukikaze came close to an own goal in the 57th when the Purple came down the right side of the field and a forward took a crack. Yukikaze slid to try and deflect the shot and did so, but nearly behind his 'keeper. Watanabe reacted quickly to prevent disaster. But the goal came five minutes later. A low square ball found an open man at the back post for a tap-in, and the defensive lapse earned the hosts a 1-0 advantage.

This was the signal for both teams to wake up - Dancougar to tie the game, Starblaydia to defend and extend the lead. The action picked up with several chances falling to both teams in the following ten minutes. Watanabe picked up two big saves, while saves were made on shots by Potts, Dylandy, and Whittaker. As the minutes ticked away, Bilbao went to the bench. In the 74th, Shiro Furuya came on for Midorikawa, and two minutes later, Alexei Voronzoff replaced Anthony Ingram. Voronzoff has been used more frequently as an attacking midfielder as of late.

The move to a 3-4-3 resulted in another good chance for Starblaydia, with the shot ultimately winding up in the hands of Watanabe, as the field opened up. But the Wings finally got their penetrating run. Dylandy pushed the ball down the right side and looked for a square ball into the middle. He found Underwood, who immediately pushed the ball long for Jinguuji, who was fouled as he received the ball at the top of the Starblaydi box. A yellow card was issued despite protests, and the Wings had a deep free kick. Whittaker step up to take it and avoided the wall entirely, choosing instead to take his chances with the jumble of men on the other side of the box. It came off a Starblaydi head, but wasn't cleared. Midorikawa nodded it backwards to Casey Berber, who fired a laser across the box to make it 1-1.

"I was just thinking I'd come up and try to keep the ball in play," said Berber. "We'd keep possession down there and work from that, but I got a good bounce and had a lane."

With around ten minutes to play, the momentum had swing decisively. Starblaydia now scrambled to find the go-ahead goal, but it opened up the field for another Dancougar counter. In the 85th, Berber made another key play, intercepting a low pass at the top of the box and running it into space. A Starblaydi midfielder challenged him, but he squared it to Midorikawa, who fed it upfield to Voronzoff. It was three on three. Voronzoff advanced as Starblaydi players scrambled back to cover and reduce the space available to the attackers. He held off one attacker and pushed it wide for Dylandy. Dylandy pulled the ball onto his left foot and lifted a pass into the goalmouth. It looked like the goalkeeper had it covered, but Potts never gave up on the play and continued his run. He leaped in front of the 'keeper and nodded the ball on, and it bounced gracefully over the line despite the best efforts of sliding Starblaydi defenders. It was 2-1 with five minutes to go.

"I think at that point, we knew we had them," said Potts. "We were getting space all of a sudden to run our counterattacks, and their passes weren't getting through for them." Starblaydia began to throw more men forward in attack, and Bilbao responded by using his final sub to bring on defender Brad Leeds for Jinguuji, which burned time off the clock and brought the Wings into a 4-4-2. Starblaydia's last chance of the game came near the end, the second minute of stoppage time, when they were awarded a free kick 35 yards away. The box was a sea of purple and the fans were on their feet, but the delivery was poor and headed into safety.

Matchday eleven preview: v Myedvedeya (3-3-4): Last time, the Bears showed that their Baptism of Fire run was no joke, and in the frigid tundra, the Wings were beaten 1-0 after playing slow and sluggish football. The climate in Yuki City will be markedly better for the return leg, and it's another one of those games that you figure Dancougar has to win.

Both teams will be coming in with momentum. The Bears welcomed Newmanistan and got a 2-2 draw, while the Wings will return home from an upset win over group leaders Starblaydia. This late in the game, the points are precious to both sides. Myedvedeya are still mathematically capable of qualifying, but even the math could desert them if the Wings grind out a victory. Of course, that's dependent on what Lovisa and the Rockets do to each other. The Wings will want to get a win and hope they draw, which will give them more separation from the pack going into their road match against Lovisa on matchday twelve.

Dylandy and Whittaker will have to be more effective than they were in the snowy conditions of the previous meeting. If they can mount serious pressure on the box, the Wings will get goals. But they'll have to watch out for the offside trap. They had it purring for awhile against Newmanistan and could stifle the Black Wing offense before it even gets started. Another factor will be the fans. We wonder how loud the home crowd will be and how many towels will be waving with a cheering section comprised entirely of bears nearby. We know they're sentient and civilized, but most Dancougar citizens will probably tell you that unless they're acting to prevent forest fires, bears can be mean. (We have Smacky the Frog.) Prediction: Myedvedeya 2 @ 2 Dancougar. We're not going to underestimate these guys again!

Potts to star in insurance commercial: Insurance company Aclaf has tapped Dan Potts to star in a 30-second ad to air during Dancougar's qualifying match against Myedvedeya. The deal comes as a result of the recent shirt sponsorship deal between Aclaf and Potts' D-League club, Port Royal FC. The ad is meant to only run for the few days leading up to and after the match, at which point another ad will be shot featuring more of the team's players.

Dancougar News!! has received a preview of the ad:

(Dan Potts is seen warming up on the pitch in a nondescript jersey when a large, black bear in a likewise generic football jersey ambles onto the field and sits down near the center circle, apparently stretching.)

POTT: Gah... well, at least I'm glad I have that insurance.
TEAMMATE: What insurance is that?

(A chicken waddles onto the field as Potts begins to juggle a football.)

CHICKEN: Aclaf.
POTTS: You know, the one that pays cash when you're hurt and can't work. So you can pay your bills, buy your groceries.
TEAMMATE: But what's it called?

(Potts lets the ball hang in midair and takes a practice shot. The ball flies straight at the chicken and they collide. The chicken is stuck to the ball as it flies downfield.)

CHICKEN: Aclaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaf!

(The ball bounces off the bear's belly and hits the ground. The chicken looks up and the painfully CGed bear grins, licking his chops.)

POTTS: I dunno.

(The name and website flash up on the screen.)

ANNOUNCER: Aclaf. Ask about it at work!

(Potts and his teammate watch the chicken run past with the bear hot on his heels.)

POTTS: I think Margaret hates us...

Dancougar News!! is thankful that Myedvedeya actually don't have bears in their lineup, because holy crap, that would suck for us.

Myedvedeya

06-11-2008, 23:04

The Moskva Medved's Herald

After hearing many news reports from teams facing Myedvedeya speak about Myedvedeya's bearish population, we at Moskva's largest Ursine newspaper feel a strong need to clarify to the world the place of bears in Myedvedeyan society. The land of Myedvedeya, itself named for the Ursine race, was a place originally inhabited by only bears. Once humankind established a presence, the elder race mainly stayed away from them, until the rise of the new government, nine years ago. Myedvedeya's bears have since established a reputation through the nation for intelligence, as the lifespan of the Myedvedeyan bear, much longer than that of the human being, allows for a great amount of knowledge to be absorbed during a bear's lifetime.

Physiology
The Myedvedeyan bears are mainly descended from the Kamchatka Grizzly Bear species, a large, lighter brown subspecies of the common brown bear.

Average Height: 10' 8''
Tallest Recorded: 14' 11''
Average Weight: 1300 lbs
Heaviest Recorded: 2100 lbs
Average Lifespan: 414 years
Longest Recorded Lifespan: 671 years

Personality and Society

The Myedvedeyan bears are often considered to be more civilized and intelligent than their human counterparts. Bears are quite serious, and never show emotion. They are extremely philosophical and religious, a fact which has caused the majority of church positions to be held by ursines, including the current patriarch of Moskva, Jericho IV. Bears consider most human activities, such as sport, to be trifling and unimportant, and only travel to sporting events out of national pride, and for the chance to let out massive roars, which are generally out of place in most social and occupational situations.

Myedvedeyan bears generally consider humans to be a less-enlightened species. The best parallel to draw is the relationship of Tolkien's elves to his humans, with the Bears playing the part of the elves. They believe most affairs of humans to be inconsequential, and therefore mostly keep to ursine society. Still, some ursine-human friendships do develop, and these are usually extremely close.

Bears are extremely militaristic and honorable, with a minor insult often being enough to spark a duel or conflict. They despise dishonesty, and are incredibly skilled at deciphering untruths. Anyone who attempts to deceive a bear will find themselves in an extremely bad situation.

Bears have a ravenous appetite, and, due to their massive body size, consume huge amounts of alcoholic beverages as well, never truly becoming inebriated. They sleep a great deal more than humans, again because of their mass, and because the length of their lifespan means they take everything at a slower, more leisurely pace. One of the few vices they have picked up from humans is that of smoking, bears are often found with large cigarettes dangling from their mouths, although they are known for only smoking those scented with herbs, as their potent sense of smell makes the bad breath from ordinary cigarettes intolerable. For reasons yet undiscerned by science, smoking has had no effect on the general health or lifespan of the ursine community.

Bears are all in all a fascinating species, and a human could spend years among them and not know all of their culture. I hope this special report has provided you with some background, so you can better understand the creatures that will be roaring at you in your next match against Myedvedeya.

Cafundeu

07-11-2008, 00:24

OLHO NO LANCE! YOUR SPORTS MAGAZINE!
A Globo Multimedia partner

WORLD CUP 43 – VALANORA AND VEPHRALL
Full coverage – including comments from Breno Gavião, notes by Sílvio Ruiz and interviews by César Lang
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ONE MORE SLIP, BUT SUPPORTERS KEEP CONFIDENCE

http://img354.imageshack.us/img354/1233/imagemjh0.jpg (http://imageshack.us)
Replay with advertisements of a C&M play

The second half of the World Cup qualifiers has started, and Cafundéu had already tasted mixed results in the games that were played. The team was unable to keep the excellent record as the best team of the qualifiers, losing a game against Candelaria And Marquez, with a performance that can be probably considered the worst of the team so far. But there were good results to balance the situation, as the big victory over Saturday Sport and the decisive result against Cassadaigua, a 4x1 win at home after a draw away, which made the path to this World Cup much easier for Cafundéu. An easy qualification is dreamed by the supporters, as it could be a sign that the team can do well in the World Cup proper.

And the team continues to show that its best weapon is the offense, combining both the midfield and the attack (which, in the end, has one midfielder in it). The team continues scoring many goals, nine in the last three games, and only Bostopia can say that it has a better attack than the Monopolists. Now, Cafundéu must get prepared for the last four games of the qualifiers, one of them being against Rennidan, which is aiming to qualify for the World Cup too. The other games are, in theory, the easiest for the Cafundelenses, including Colbourne, which was destroyed by 8x0 in the first game. But, as nearly all the coaches say before an easy game, “we have to be cautious”.

GAME AGAINST SATURDAY SPORT: the second half of the qualifiers started with the game against the team that comes from a nation that isn’t exactly a nation, as the island is considered part of Kura-Pelland by the Cafundelense Empire. But, politics aside, the Monopolists knew that the game wasn’t going to be difficult, but did their best in order to secure the victory soon. Thanks to this effort, Cafundéu was able to score four goals still in the first half. Saturday Sport couldn’t even react, as they didn’t have the strength to do that. In the second half, the coach of Cafundéu Júlio Vargas made some changes, wanting to give some playing time for players that don’t play often in the National Team. The substitutes were good ones, but the team lost some chemistry and was only able to score once more in the game, ending it with the score of 5x0.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 1 (Alves’s goal – Saturday Sport): “Cafundéu seemed to slow down after an explosive firrrrrrrst half, and now only contrrrrrrrols the game to hold this rrrrrresult of four against zerrrrrrro. A last substitution was made, brrrrrringing Lacerrrrrrrda into the game in the place of Morrrrrrreirrrrrra. Now it is Marrrrrrrrossi with the ball, just rrrrrrreceived it frrrrrrrom Toledo. Find Alves in good position, he drrrrrribbles one, two... the goalkeeper! Shoots... look at the goal, look at the golaço! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! See this rrrrrreplay morrrrrre than once! Alves, number twenty-thrrrrrrree! Now the rrrrrrresult is Cafundéu five, Saturrrrrrday Sporrrrrrt zerrrrrrro! Most of the starrrrrrs of the soap operrrrra “The Yaforrrrrrite use Veludo, the best shampoo for the best hair! See which Veludo shampoo fits the best with your hair type.”

GAME AGAINST CANDELARIA AND MARQUEZ: with a wonderful form in the last games, the Monopolists travelled to Candelaria And Marquez in order to play their most difficult game in this World Cup qualifiers. Although before the competition the supporters feared this game, when it reached they were much more confident, as Cafundéu was playing really well. But, in the end, the Cafundelenses made many mistakes in the midfield, the best sector of Cafundéu, and this cost the game. Candelaria And Marquez, much more efficient during the game, was able to hold the draw in the first half after suffering many attacks, especially from Danilo Sampa and Marossi, thanks to the good goalkeeper Sbaïz and the excellent defensive work made by the whole defence, with Christmas appearing in a brilliant game. In the second half, Candelaria And Marquez could attack more, and stopped any chance for a Cafundéu improvement in the game with two goals: one by Petardos S/A’s midfielder Mengucci and other by Kortsarian, who can appear in a The Scout list soon, according to the major Cafundelense newspapers.

http://img510.imageshack.us/img510/4355/cam2va4.jpg (http://imageshack.us)
Moreira attempts to score

GAME AGAINST CASSADAIGUA: the loss in the game against Candelaria And Marquez showed that Cafundéu was far from being an unbeatable team, and, when the game against Cassadaigua reached, the memories of the loss in the previous game were combined with the ones of the unlucky draw against the women from Cassadaigua in the third round. So, there was no space for overconfidence, and the Monopolists entered in the field determined to return to win, playing in the yellow shirt, which proved to bring luck in the game against Colbourne. And that worked. Cafundéu once again took control of the game in the first half, and scored twice, with Hubert and Danilo Sampa. In the second half, the Monopolists did what they didn’t do in the previous game against Cassadaigua, repeating the performance of the first half without slipping and scoring more goals to guarantee a victory. Danilo scored again, Ferguson even tried to start a reaction, but a penalty over Hubert (who played superb) was the key play of the game, as Augusto César scored to decide the game in Cafundéu’s favour.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 2 (Augusto César’s goal - Cassadaigua): “Cafundéu now holds a two goals difference over Cassadaigua, but we know that such a difference can be rrrrrreverrrrrrted... that’s why the Monopolists go to the attack, and it is Da Silva who starrrrrts the play, avoiding the marrrrrrking of Devito and making a good pass to Morrrrrrreirrrrrrra... good view, pass to Huberrrrrrt, excellent drrrrrribble, can scorrrrre... PENALTY! Fuller pulled Huberrrrrrt’s shirrrrrrt inside the arrrrrrea, yellow carrrrrd to her! It’s Cafundéu’s chance to decide the game! Augusto César to take it, shoots... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Let’s see a rrrrreplay! Augusto César, number eight! Now it’s Cafundéu four, Cassadaigua one! No meal is complete without rrrrrrrice and beans, don’t you agrrrrrrree? Of courrrrrrrse! And, when prrrrreparrrring your food, don’t forrrrrrget to use Tio João rrrrrrice and beans, the best in the marrrrrket!”

INTERVIEWS WITH CÉSAR LANG: more three games for Cafundéu, two with positive results and one with a negative one... what are the players and the coach thinking right now? Well, let’s check with our interviews! In the game against Saturday Sport, we talked with Marossi, who said: “Our opponent could not be the best in the world, but we played doing our best and thankfully we could get this important victory with the three points. Let’s keep our good form for the next games! Thanks.” In the game against Candelaria And Marquez, the coach talked: “Surely it wasn’t the result that the supporters were expecting, but a loss against Candelaria And Marquez isn’t a difficult thing to happen, they have good players, and we know this. The best thing is that we are still in first place and with the qualification close to us.” In the game against Cassadaigua, Da Silva said: “I think this was my best game so far in the qualifiers, I am recovered from that cone incident. We knew that this game was going to be difficult, so we entered in the field decided to get the win at all costs. I am glad that we could get this.”

http://img354.imageshack.us/img354/5776/casuo0.jpg (http://imageshack.us)
Danilo Sampa commemorates goal over Cassadaigua

CAFUNDÉU 5x0 SATURDAY SPORT

Place: Arena Multiuso Dra. Veiga, in Astari.
Attendance: 102,088 people.
Time: 21:45 Cafundelense time
Climate: cloudy, 17ºC.
Referee: Andy Cobbs (Bazalonia).
Assistants: Bill Shaw (Starblaydia) and Matteo Di Motta (Starblaydia).
MOTM: Marossi (Cafundéu).

CAFUNDÉU: Júlio Sampa; Alex, Titov (Ronaldão 45’) and Toledo; Silveira, Zé Sho, Moreira (Lacerda 78’), Augusto César and Marossi; Hubert and Danilo Sampa (Alves 65’).
Coach: Júlio Vargas.

SATURDAY SPORT: Williams; Daniels, Welbeck, Shaftesbury, Grosvenor (McLachlan 63’) and Bowden; Ricksen, Lavigne and Burgess (Biden 80’); Highfield and Omdurman (Violet 45’).
Coach: I think it’s that man with a grey beard.

Goals:CAF: Silveira 5’ , Hubert 11’ , Marossi 17’/38’ , Alves 75’.

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CANDELARIA AND MARQUEZ 2x0 CAFUNDÉU

Place: Solidarity Stadium, in Albrecht.
Attendance: many people, I can assure you this.
Time: 19:00 Cafundelense time. (the timezone likes to make things difficult for Globo Multimedia... the game is right before the usual time of their main news program!)
Climate: clear, 15ºC.
Referee: Ebbe Radloski (Lovisa).
Assistants: Darius Cernek (Lovisa) and Georg Smlecknger (Lovisa).
MOTM: Matteo Corradini (Candelaria And Marquez).

CANDELARIA AND MARQUEZ: Sbaïz; Dixon, Williams, Christmas and Adekunde; Mengucci, Corradini, Ely (Cohen 65’), Kortsarian (Quirot 85’) and Dionísio; Ibadulla.
Coach: Kris Healy.

CAFUNDÉU: Júlio Sampa; Alex, Titov and Luizão; Silveira (Renildo 45'), Zé Sho (Cícero 77’), Da Silva, Augusto César and Marossi; Moreira (Fausto 77’) and Danilo Sampa.
Coach: Júlio Vargas.

Goals:CAM: Mengucci 73’ , Kortsarian 83’.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

CAFUNDÉU 4x1 CASSADAIGUA

Place: Presídio, in Carandirú City.
Attendance: 77,555 people.
Time: 17:00 Cafundelense time.
Climate: clear, 38ºC.
Referee: Mike Carlaigh (Sorthern Northland).
Assistants: James Seene (Sorthern Northland) and Brett Neville (Sorthern Northland).
MOTM: Hubert (Cafundéu).

CAFUNDÉU: Júlio Sampa; Alex, Luizão and João Carlos; Silveira, Zé Sho (Fabinho 60’), Da Silva, Augusto César and Moreira; Hubert and Danilo Sampa (Alves 76’).
Coach: Júlio Vargas.

CASSADAIGUA: Terry; Fuller, Messina, Reynolds and Brandt; Scott (Burrows 71’), Cotrell (Devito 55’) and Robertson; Ferguson, Keeley and Logan (O’Shea 45’).
Coach: Michelle Baynes.

Goals:CAF: Hubert 20’ , Danilo Sampa 45’+/54’ , Augusto César 68’.
CAS: Ferguson 59’.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Goalscorers:

8- Danilo Sampa
6- Augusto César
5- Marossi
3- Moreira, Silveira
2- Titov, Hubert
1- Alex, Silvinho, Rossi, Alves, Fausto
2 own goals

Jeruselem

07-11-2008, 00:48

Mary Sallad with former Jeruselem FA president (one with hearing issues)

Mary: Hello, this is Mary Sallad for Naked News Jeruselem!
Man: Err, hi Jeruselem! What was your name again - Maggie Dallas?
Mary: Mary Sallad!
Man: Oh, Dazza's sister. Go it. Should have worked it out since you're naked.

Mary: How is your hearing?
Man: I lost an earring?
Mary: No no, how is your hearing?
Man: Oh, my hearing. Sorry, it's pretty bad. I keep on mishearing everyone.

Mary: Is affecting your family life?
Man: Was that how is my affectionate sexy wife?
Mary: No no, how is affecting family life!
Man: Family life, yes it's making things really hard. Like it is now.

Mary: So when is your operation to insert your bionic ear?
Man: Can you say that again? Procastination about drinking beer?
Mary: When is the operation to fix your ear.
Man: Got it! In a month. Yeah, I wish it could happen now.

Mary: How deaf are you?
Man: Diff har moo?
Mary: No, how deaf are you?
Man: Oh, that - pretty deaf. You need shout louder. Dazza Dallas could have an orgasm next to me and I couldn't hear her.

Mary: What do you think of my sister Dazza Dallas?
Man: Do I have thing for shag me Dallas?
Mary: What you think of Dazza Dallas!
Man: I was close ... err, she's weird. But I think she can do a lot better than a deaf idiot like me.

Mary: How are your kids handling this?
Man: Your boobs? Say again?
Mary: Kids!
Man: God damn, err - they are bit frustated too. Have to repeat themselves like you do.

Mary: Do you watch the World Cup games still?
Man: That was do I itch during hiccups?
Mary: No no, do you watch football ... world cup ...
Man: No no, I have trouble working out what they say on TV. I just read the scores at the end.

Mary: Good luck with the operation to fix your hearing.
Man: Was that something about my abomination that is my hearing?
Mary: No, operation to fix the hearing.
Man: Ah yes, I hope I get my hearing back. I'm useless at the moment to anyone.

Mary: That's it from me! Everyone wish luck on our Jeruselem FA ex-pres.
Man: I need to get some lunch.
Mary: I'll do the ordering. I don't want to muck up the lunch order.
Man: I haven't done anything to my wife or any woman for a while ...

Mary: I said muck, not f**k
Man: Ooops, man this sucks.

West Zirconia

07-11-2008, 02:00

From: The Rt Revd Andrew Fox, Bishop of Snaith
To: The Most Revd Aaron Price, Archbishop of Moorcroft

Dear Archbishop,

I wish to express my displeasure at the recent service held at the Manchester Street football stadium, at which you presided. It is my opinion that the use of such a profane location sends out completely the wrong message.

The mood of the West Zirconian people now appears to depend on the performance of their football team. These people are virtually worshipped by our population, who congregate every week at temples like Manchester Street, sing hymns of praise to their idols and shout and wave their arms in a manner that could almost be described as Pentecostal.

For you to preface such an event with a service only serves to endorse such idolatry. I would also include the nonsensical "football fans' services" going on at Turing Street Methodist Church as well. I know the Methodist Church is outside your jurisdiction, but surely you can help to put a stop to such blasphemy.

I appreciate my views are probably unwelcome in such an inclusive climate as this, but I felt that my objections had at least to be aired.

Yours in Christ,

+Andrew Snaith

Terreiro de Ogum

07-11-2008, 02:03

Pai Jacinto and Pai Adoniran, the two pais-de-santo from Terreiro de Ogum, continue following the National Team's campaign in the World Cup qualifiers, praying and making rituals for the Orixás so they can see their country finally in the proper competition. Terreiro de Ogum is currently on second place, and has good qualification chances.

PAI JACINTO - "I'm so happy with the latest results of the World Cup qualifiers! See it! (hands to Adoniran a newspaper) The tables here say that Terreiro de Ogum is currently in the second place, and three qualify! We are so close of this qualification, the Orixás are clearly with us now, we can't let this slip from our hands!"

PAI ADONIRAN - "These are very good news! The team really seem to be playing well right now, without depending on the Orixás for everything. They are able to get the job done, and the Orixás only give a small aid. I heard that there was even a game where Iluminado didn't enter, this can only be a good sign, a sign that our team is reaching the so intended balance."

PAI JACINTO - "Yes, we've talked about this before, but now this dream really seem to be transforming into reality, it's so close! Just a few games more..."

PAI ADONIRAN - "Let's control the anxiety... we'll do that, we'll just have to wait... why don't we go to watch "The Yaforite"?"

PAI JACINTO - "Excellent idea... did you see that the drug dealer said to his girlfriend that had slept with Odakale to leave and never return?"

PAI ADONIRAN - "Yes, I did. Now it's sure that she'll ally with Odakale and tell the police all the information that she has."

PAI JACINTO - "Yes, but the police knows that Odakale got involved with the drug dealer, making some services for him, so they'd be after him too, I don't know if she'll contact the police, I think she'll just help Odakale to avoid the anger of the drug dealer."

PAI ADONIRAN - "And the Han investigator is getting close to Odakale too... things are becoming difficult for him."

PAI JACINTO - "But his friend at the prison seems to know the identity of this investigator..."

PAI ADONIRAN - "This soap opera only gets better with the time."

Chicão Trombada enters.

PAI ADONIRAN - "Oh no, you again..."

PAI JACINTO - "What do you want now? We don't have any work for you."

TROMBADA - "I'm leaving this country... this is as horrible as the Landau Institute, man."

PAI JACINTO - "Finally! And where are you going?"

TROMBADA - "I'll travel around the world trying to get a job as a National Team coach. Someone out there must have this job for me, I can do a good job, how can no one listen to me?"

PAI ADONIRAN - "Well, so good luck in your trip."

TROMBADA - "I don't need luck. I need this (points at his gun)."

He leaves, while the two pais-de-santo continue watching their soap opera.

Saturday Sport

07-11-2008, 02:12

The Old Man is proud of his grey beard being recognised by Cafundelense reporters. 'I spent many years cultivating it and now I am noticed in a large and wealthy country. I can die happy.'

The Old Man is delusionary, clearly.

The inevitable run of defeats has continued, interspersed with the odd shock (a win at Universitus University was just ridiculous and proof that that particular side have just fallen to pieces), but David Highfield remains excited at a possible trip to the Cup of Harmony in Newmanistan and West Zirconia. It is believed that all nations who have offered media coverage of the campaign internationally but failed to qualify will be eligible for the competition, and that would count Saturday Sport in. 'We're in this for the long haul. We are learning so quickly along with every other new entrant, and we are fast becoming competitive. We believe we can qualify in the future.'

Everyone else believes he is delusionary.

Adihan

07-11-2008, 03:15

First foreign manager for Ad’ihan

New Football Federation of Ad’ihan chairman Luke Evans today confirmed the appointment of Dalinn Wanderers' Valanora-born manager Devida Cal as his successor to the national manager's job.

Cal, who arrived in Ad’ihan a few years ago to take charge of Dalinn Wanderers, has led the club from relegation battlers to international challengers, with Dalinn having taken part in the most recent TakilQuip Champions’ Cup, and having finished runners-up in both the league and the cup in recent years.

Evans announced the appointment at a press conference, where although it was greeted with a sense of surprise that a foreign manager had been selected, none of the assembled press corps pressed Evans about it, as Cal has proven himself in the domestic game with Dalinn.

Cal will leave his position as manager of Dalinn and will be replaced there by fellow Vanorian and current Raynor City United manager Fabio Mannasuch. Speaking at the press conference, Cal expressed his delight at having been offered the job.

"When Luke called to ask if I would be interested, I was stunned. I knew that Ad’ihan had never before appointed a foreign-born manager, and although I've been here for nearly seven years now, I did not expect to be offered this tremendously exciting opportunity to expand my managerial horizons onto the international stage."

Evans confirmed that he had received three foreign applications for the job, two from Cafundéu and one from Valanora, but insisted Cal was offered the position and had not applied for it. He also admitted had Cal declined his offer, he would likely have made interim manager Alex Lewis-Edwards' appointment permanent.

Cal, who has been given a contract which will see him through World Cup 44, will take charge of the team starting with the trip away to Terreiro de Ogum. Cal was in the stands to see Ad’ihan thump Quakmybush 4-1 at Tallyn Ground with goals from Francis Yang, Greg Innisvale (2) and Simon Labrie, leading to increased speculation he was in line for the job.

Cal will take up Ad’ihani citizenship next month, having been in the country long enough to qualify.

Elves Security Forces

07-11-2008, 03:51

MD11 Results (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14179315&postcount=14)

Qazox

07-11-2008, 04:36

QNN
Where News Happens

Charles Marquis scored 2 minutes into injury time, preventing Qazox from losing to Az-cz for a nation team record 6th time. Marquis' goal was his 10th, as he joins an elite list in Qazoxian history, becoming the 4th player to score 10 or more goals in a qualifying campaign. The bad news is that after giving up a 5th minute goal, David Cooksey was taken out after suffering an upper leg injury, which was found out to a minor tear of the quadriceps. Cooksey will be out to at least the beginning of the World Cup. Natalie Dansen came in for Cooksey and will also start the final three games.

Up next is The Holy Empire, who are in second place, just 2 points behind. Qazox has just about clinched a World Cup berth, needing only a win or draw in the final 3 matches or one loss from both Az-cz and Blouman Empire to clinch.

The complete schedule and Results (Home games and Wins in BOLD):

MD1: @ Cokenia WIN 3-2 (Record: 1-0-0)
MD2: Swilatia WIN 5-0 (Record: 2-0-0)
MD3: @ Tortuga y Hispaniola WIN 3-2 (Record 3-0-0)
MD4: Az-cz WIN 6-3 (Record 4-0-0)
MD5: @ The Holy Empire LOSS 0-2 (Record 4-0-1)
MD6: Urna Eletrônica WIN 2-1 (Record 5-0-1)
MD7: Blouman Empire DRAW 1-1 (Record 5-1-1)
Friendly: defeated Vephrall 1-0 @ Valanora
MD8: Cokenia WIN 5-1 (Record 6-1-1)
MD9: @ Swilatia WIN 3-1 (Record 7-1-1)
MD10: Tortuga y Hispaniola W 3-1 (Record 8-1-1)
MD11:@ Az-cz DRAW 1-1 (Record 8-2-1)
MD12: The Holy Empire @ Qazian Memorial Stadium, Qazox City. Capacity: 98,000.
MD13: @ Urna Eletrônica
MD14: @ Blouman Empire

QAZOX SCORING today
Charles Marquis- 90+2'

QAZOX OVERALL SCORING
Charles Marquis- 10
Raul de Olivares- 8
Yolanda Christian- 6
Bonnie Young- 2
Jason Erca- 2
Brittany Lopes- 1
Benjamin Ernst- 1
Michelle de Barre- 1
Opal Howard- 1
Georgette Savoy- 1

<Commercial break>

In response to the bombing yesterday, Qazox is now in a Class-2 lockdown, meaning that all public buildings require at least 2 valid forms of ID and there is no parking with in 2 blocks of any Police station, Fire Station, Hospital, City Hall and other vunerable buildings. On military bases, the Class-1 lockdown is in effect, meaning NO civilians, except for those authorised, are allowed on any installation and all members of the military MUST carry their ID's on their person at all times and they are authorised to carry firearms while off-base.

In Certifiably insane and Sawed, a second cease-fire is in effect, to allow any of the civilian rulers or legislators access to their temporary capitals to deliberate Furhur Renoir's ultimatum.

Stay tuned to QNN for more news as it happens.

Green wombat

07-11-2008, 04:59

THE HEXAGON REPORT
It's News, Because We Say So!

A huge win on the road as we beat Jasiyun 2-1 and now we are only 4 points out of first place and just 3 out of a World Cup berth. With the final home match coming up next against the group leaders Sorthern Northland, whom we beat on the road earlier 1-0. With a win at home, the wombats will be in great position to qualify with the toughest stretch of the campaign behind us.

(NOTE: All home matches will be played at: Green wombat Field, aka: "The Barracks": The Hexagon. Capacity: 66,666.)
MD1: @ An Blascaod Mór WIN 2-1
MD2: vs Valetaland LOST 1-2
MD3: @ The Archregimancy Draw 1-1
MD4: vs Jasiyun/Jaseuyeon LOST 0-2
MD5: @ Sorthern Northland WIN 1-0
MD6: vs Nethertopia WIN 1-0
MD7: vs Onimar WIN 5-1
MD8: vs An Blascaod Mór LOST 0-2
MD9: @ Valetaland Draw 1-1
MD10: vs The Archregimancy Draw 2-2
MD11: @ Jasiyun/Jaseuyeon WIN 2-1
MD12: vs Sorthern Northland
MD13: @ Nethertopia
MD14: @ Onimar
OVERALL RECORD: 5-3-3

The Post MD11 Ranks (1st Place Votes in Bold Italics)

TOP 15 POLL
(teams that have Qualified for the World Cup are in Purple)
Rank/Prev.
1/4 Bostopia 9-1-1 5
2/5 Jeruselem 9-0-2 4
3/1 Tynelia 9-2-0 6
4/2 Qazox 8-2-1
5/3 Demot 8-2-1
6/8 Milchama 8-2-1
7/11 The Holy Empire 7-3-1
8/14 Starblaydia 8-2-1
9/15 Dancougar 7-2-2
10/10 Bazalonia 7-3-1
11/6 Cafundéu 8-1-2
12/NR Kura-Pelland 7-1-3
13/12 Yafor 2 7-2-2
14/NR Candelaria And Marquez 7-2-2
15/13 Sorthern Northland 7-1-3

FELL OUT:
#7 Yafalonia and Bazor 2 Lost at Kosovoe 1-2
#9 The Archregimancy Lost at An Blascaod Mór 0-1

Drawing seemed to be the order of the day, as there were 6 involving the Top 15, and all of the Top 3 drew. The biggest losses were Cafundeu losing to Rennidan and Yafalonia and Bazor 2 losing to Kosovoe, the latter loss dropping Y&B2 out of the Top 15. Rejoining the Top 15 this week are Candelaria And Marquez and Kura-Pelland, with the Archregimancy dropping out as well. Congrats to Bostopia for becoming the 2nd team to qualify for the World Cup.

Alversia won, lifting them out of the Bottom 5, and for the first time a team occupies 2 spots as Panuul had the worst loss of the week, which also kept them on the winless list. There are only 5 winless teams left and the big-pillow fight of the week is 0-5-6 Thoughts of Randomness vs. 0-3-8 United Island Empires. If neither get a win, they probably won't ever get one.

BOTTOM FIVE
76: United Island Empires 0-3-8 -19GD
77: Panuul Lost 1-6 to SLANI
78: Chutnusak 0-3-8 -16GD
79: Panuul 0-2-9 -21GD
80: Seventy Ninth Entrant 0-2-9 -19GD

Prux

07-11-2008, 05:07

ESPN Journal of Sport
December 22nd, 1944

Prux vs. Yafor 2 Game 11 of qualifying
by: Saul Werth

Zombie Pelé scored in the 7th minute, giving Prux an early lead, but a late goal by Yafor 2 allowed the visitors to steal a draw, and now Prux has 3 road games to gain 6 points, or hope Kelssek and West Zirconia lose a couple times each to qualify for the World Cup.

The first of those three games is a trip to United Island Empires, 4-1 losers to us last meeting. A win there would put the Zombies within a couple of points of clinching a second consecutive World Cup berth.

MD1: vs. Bushdome WIN 3-1
MD2: vs. Thoughts of Randomness D 2-2
MD3: vs. Tynelia Lost 2-3
MD4: @ Yafor 2 D 1-1
MD5: vs. United Island Empires W 4-1
MD6: vs. West Zirconia W 3-1
MD7: vs. Kelssek W 2-0
QUALIFYING BREAK
MD8: @ Bushdome W 3-1
MD9: @ Thoughts of Randomness D 1-1
MD10: @ Tynelia L 0-4
MD11: vs. Yafor 2 D 1-1
MD12: @ United Island Empires
MD13: @ West Zirconia
MD14: @ Kelssek

OVERALL: 5-4-2
Projected: 8-3-3

Goal Scoring:
Zombie Ronaldo- 8
Zombie Just Fontaine- 5
Zombie Pelé- 5
Zombie Zinedine Zidane- 4

Newmanistan

07-11-2008, 05:34

THE ROCKET REPORT

TO BE-LIEVE OR NOT TO BE-LIEVE

Lovisa- Newmanistan went into Lovisa and picked up a result that would have been considered satisfactory if they had picked up better results earlier in qualification, and if the teams that they needed to chase weren’t playing so damn well. In fact, given the fact that Lovisa completely outplayed us (though with a two-man advantage for 63 minutes) in the last match, coming back and getting a draw here isn’t too bad. That is, just at face value, it isn’t too bad. The fact is, Newmanistan needed more then this and they didn’t get it. Now with three games to go, and a game with Dancougar still left to play, Newmanistan is five points out of third and seven out of second. Even if the Rockets beat Dancougar they still need to get help from both Lovisa and Alversia. Lovisa, maybe. Alversia? Don’t get your hopes up. What this then means is that the Rockets will need to win out and get Dancougar to defeat Lovisa. Hey, that can happen, we more then realize that. Lovisa will then have to lose to either The Bostopian Empire or Starblaydia. Maybe all that could happen. But we still have to win out. Do the Rockets appear to playing like a team that’s going to do this? Newmanistan’s remaining games are all at home. The first task is against Alversia. Absolutely no excuse for anything but a win there. Then, Glaycia. They’ve been a spoiler but we’d like to think that the Rockets can handle them. Then comes Dancougar. We know we can beat them. They know they can beat us. It may come down to that. It may not. World Cup or Cup of Harmony. We’ll soon see.

The Cup of Harmony may soon be returning to Newmanistan, which may seem like a pretty quick turnaround, but due to a lack of other interest to bring the competition to their country, Newmanistan appears poised to again be welcoming the world. The co-host would be West Zirconia, and if the Rockets end up in this competition, they will be playing in the land of the 29th Baptism of Fire Champion. West Zirconia is in a similar predictament as we are, looking at a 5-point gap between themselves and third place in Group 2, and like us, it just looks like the top teams will do enough to maintain their spots.

So tonight, in Lovisa, the Rockets came to play and came out trying to score a quick goal. Meanwhile you had the Silent Assassins of Lovisa who were more then happy to play defensive football. Perhaps even happier then the Centralia Cougars, and their ultra-conservative play made for a pretty boring game. The fans didn’t seem to be particularly entertained, but the Lovisans know what they’re doing. This is an established World Cup nation that’s like that kid in the school cafeteria that never talks or socializes with anyone, but absorbs all the information that he hears and never forgets it, then when the times comes he is more then ready to use it to his advantage. He doesn’t care about being flashy, he just wants to get the job done, and will do so in whatever manner it took. Obviously, Lovisa saw no reason to get involved in an offensive showdown with the Rockets. Alex Parnett was guarded very closely by the Lovisa midfield and taken off his game, and this really reduced the number of effective long balls that made it up front to Jeremy McAllister and Shawn Drummond. J-Mac and Drummond had to rely more on their own individual abilities to create chances and while they did a pretty good job at this, Lovisa always seemed to have someone in position to make a timely stop. When the Rockets got a shot off, the Lovisan keeper always seemed to be in great position. Lovisa did not generate much offense in the first half and probably didn’t think they had too. At intermission, we were scoreless.

Heading into the second Brian Carson tried to instill the same message in his team that they needed to get three points out of this game, even though he understood how smothering the defense of the Silent Assassins was. Still the Rockets tried to get the goal, but Lovisa remained steadfast in taking care of their back end, and Newmanistan did not get many quality chances. Lovisa also seemed to dominate the midfield very well. Around the hour mark, Lovisa went for a goal somewhat, and had about 10 minutes where they got their fans excited, but soon the momentum of the game turned back in favor of the Rockets. Credit the Newmanistan defense for holding firm in that one rush, but now the Silent Assassins realized that time was on their side. They made key defensive substitutions to ensure they had fresh legs out there that could finish off this scoreless result. Despite an 82nd minute yellow card to a key defensive player for a questionable play on Jeremy McAllister, Newmanistan could not get the go ahead goal. The game ends scoreless.

Here is some post game reaction:

Carson: “You can’t fault Lovisa for the way they played. We were the one that needed three points, not them. They were obviously comfortable playing that style and it showed. We’ll keep fighting, there’s a lot of character on this team.”

Kusler: “They didn’t have many shots on goal so my day was pretty easy.”

Brooker: “We’re left with the same feeling we had after the draw in Dancougar. It was a good result if we had other results to back it up and support it. We don’t, and that’s the problem.”

McAllister: “We generated some chances, but Lovisa was extremely conservative in their approach today, and that’s the luxury of having a cushion in the group table with just a few games left in qualifying. We’re still in this, Lovisa still has to play Dancougar and Starblaydia, so we’ll be rooting for those teams. We can’t look ahead to Dancougar ourselves and forget about Alversia and Glaycia. We didn’t play well against Alversia last time and escaped with a win. That can’t happen again, we must be better.”

NEWMANISTAN 0

LOVISA 0

Jeruselem

07-11-2008, 06:05

Mary Sallad and her sister Dazza Dallas ...

Mary: Hi, I'm Mary Sallad for Naked News Jeruselem. Match day 11 is over at the World Cup 43. I'm with the President of the Jeruselem FA, who also happens to be my sister. It's Dazza Dallas.
Dazza: Hello everyone, hope you all have great day.
Mary: Let's look at all groups on match day 11 with 3 games left to play.
Dazza: As usual, it's getting to the business end of the World Cup now.

Mary: Group 1 - Taeshan, Yafalonia and Bazar 2, Wentland and the SLANI are locked in battle in the top 4. There's two points separating all these teams.
Dazza: Poor Kosovoe have a remote chance but I'm afraid they don't have chance really.
Mary: Who do you see getting in and who's not going to make it.
Dazza: This one is hard to call. The SLANI are 4th and look in trouble but a great team always performs in the end. I don't know here. It's too hard.

Mary: Group 2 - Tynelia have qualified leaving Yafor 2, Prux and Kelssek with the most realistic chance of taking the last two spots. West Zirconia and Bushdome's chances are pretty much mathematical.
Dazza: I like Kelssek but I think zombie infected Prux and Yafor 2 should the ones for me.
Mary: Why not Kelssek?
Dazza: They need 9 points, Yafor 2 are too far ahead of them and Prux aren't tripping over.

Mary: Group 3 - Jeru FC are 8 points behind Bazalonia with Bostopia qualified already. The Macabees are just 1 point behind our Jeru FC with Arroza a win behind Macabees.
Dazza: Bazalonia will make it. I see a fight between Macabees and Jeru FC. The two Jewbees ... I want Jeru FC to make but Jeru FC must take two wins or three.
Mary: Settled on the last day?
Dazza: Yes, might even be settled on head to head or goal difference.

Mary: Group 4 - Milchama and Maggie are sure to make it with 2 win buffer over Ah'ihan who are watching their backs with Terreiro de Ogum, Liventia, and Quakmybush not far behind.
Dazza: Yes, there's a big fight over two spots. I can't see Quak making since they lose far too much. I reckon Ad'ihan are classy enough to take 2nd. As for 3rd spot, that's hard to say.
Mary: Not much separates those two,
Dazza: Down to the last day as usual.

Mary: Group 5 - Qazox qualified today, the Holy Empire have nearly qualified. This leaves Urna Eletrônica, Blouman Empire and Az-cz to fight the last spot. 1 point separates these three teams.
Dazza: I'm backing the Blouman Empire here because they can score more goals.
Mary: Az-cz in trouble then?
Dazza: They won 5 of 9 games, and for their seeding it's crap performance.

Mary: Group 6 - Demot, the Han and Krytenia have to watch them Saints.
Dazza: Demot will make it, while the Han and Krytenia must not slip up because they have less than a win over the Saints. I think the Saints might get into the top 3 on the last day.
Mary: That's a big call!
Dazza: Yes, but I think they have ability to upset the other teams.

Mary: Group 7 - the top 5 are in battle. Merginn's Southern Northland lead the Monks, An Blascaod Mór, Jaseuyeon and Green Wombat.
Dazza: This is a hard to gauge. I am confident SN will make but the others ... the Monks have the least losses and should scrape by. As for the rest, last day drama.
Mary: Green Wombat could do it again!
Dazza: Well, God knows.

Mary: Group 8 - The purple Menance qualified. Dancougar are a strong 2nd with Lovisa 2 points behind. Newmanistan are 5 points behind Lovisa.
Dazza: Dancougar will qualify next round and so will Lovisa.
Mary: No hope for Newmanistan
Dazza: Newmanistan will max out at 25 points - the same as the Purple Menace now. They need those other two to drop points. Lovisa is most likely to be overtaken, Dancougar will qualify I think.

Mary: Group 9 - Jeruselem lead KP by 5 points. KP hold a 2 point lead over Pistachio nutters Septentrionia and KaMaRi are just 1 point back in 4th.
Dazza: Jeruselem lead KaMaRi by 8 points, we will make it. I am confident KP will put on a good show and take 2nd spot here. The nutters and the impressive KaMaRi are the ones to fight for the last spot. I think the nutters might just grab it.
Mary: KaMaRi have a chance?
Dazza: For sure, they do. We beat them today but we had fight hard for the 2-1 win. They will be fighting to the last second.

Mary: Group 10 - Cafundéu and c&M lead Rennidan. Cassadaigua have an outside chance.
Dazza: Cafundéu just need to nail a win and they qualify. C&M have a 3 point buffer over Rennidan they are quality team too. Rennidan are my pick for 3rd spot.
Mary: Cassadaigua - what about them.
Dazza: There's four points between the teams. Cassadaigua need at least two wins but if Rennidan win one game - it might be too late for Cassadaigua.

Mary: Well, that's it from us!
Dazza: See you all later.
Mary: Naked News Jeruselem - the news with nothing to hide!
Dazza: BIKE BIKE

Dancougar

07-11-2008, 07:17

Three days had passed since the defeat of the behemoth, codenamed Goliath 1. Analysis of the body revealed nothing special. They were just normal rocks. The core which Tetsuya had destroyed couldn't be found, even in trace amounts. The mountain continued to simmer and boil, but there was no activity. Some brass favored attacking the mountain with nuclear weapons, but Simms and Brandenstein were against the plan. Almost the entire country was still in the dark about what was going on, as the story about military live-fire exercises was still getting bought. They wanted to keep it that way.

Three Rhinemaidens flew calmly towards the remains of the Kaguya base and began their landing run. Professor von Steuben sat the cockpit of the lead fighter, while the other two were in a V formation behind him. The three hit the ground at about the same time and taxied to a halt. With that, the Rhinemaiden force was doubled. In the broken hangers, serviceable Lancers were hammered into shape, but there were only about four or five besides Brandenstein's command unit that were still combat worthy. He'd asked for more units to be shipped from Nordhausen.

Underground, the Beast Machine pilots were in the middle of arguing with Simms in the control room. "I'm telling you we should be proactive!" Tetsuya yelled. "You saw us manhandle that thing once we combined. We'll march in there and destroy whatever's sending these things, easy!"

"You don't know that, Tsumura!" Simms responded. "So you beat some minions and their first big monster. So what? What have you proven except you're stronger than their first invader?"

Joe thought Tetsuya was going a bit far, but he agreed that they should be proactive. Nevertheless, it still bothered him that the Dancougar was behaving over specifications. The power output was higher, its energy signature had shifted from blue to white... it hadn't been that strong in earlier testing. But he stayed quiet and didn't bother to question it. Perhaps they'd just done some mods for the original exercises and they happened to work out in the field.

Daniel put his hand on Tetsuya's shoulder. "I understand what you mean, but those things are an absolute mystery," Daniel began. "We don't know where they come from, and we don't know if they have stronger monsters waiting in there. The last thing we should do is charge in blindly."

Tetsuya turned away from the prince in a huff. Simms motioned for one of the console operators to bring up live video of the mountain. "We've been probing the area with drones," he said. "But we can't find anything." There was some shifty movement near the crater, and a handful of red shots came flying up. The camera shook and then fizzed as the signal disappeared. "Any time we get close to the top, they destroy it."

"So you're saying we should just let them keep throwing stuff at us?" Tetsuya challenged.

"Tetsuya's right, we can't sit around and wait for them to build up an army." They all turned as Princess Erica marched into the room. She was wearing a flight suit and already had her hair pinned back. "An enemy that's completely unknown... that's precisely why we should be proactive, even if it's just reconnaissance." Her eyes pierced Simms'. "We can't let anyone else die."

"At least your sister's head's screwed on right," Tetsuya said, shrugging Daniel's hand away.

"Colonel, the professor has brought three Rhinemaidens to supplement our forces," Erica reported. "I'll be launching with the SMS pilots in order to gather intelligence."

Simms sighed. "I suppose I have no say in this?" he asked.

Daniel walked over to his sister, but before he could say a word, she'd stepped forward to meet him. She put out her hand and held him at arm's length. He stopped in surprise. "I know what you're going to say, but don't you dare stop me," she growled. "While we're all sitting around, they're planning their next attack. I won't forgive myself if I let more people die! Chase won't forgive me!"

"Erica, would he want you to run out there and get killed?" Daniel replied.

Erica was silent. Instead, she turned her head and walked back to the door. "You can expect my report," she said. "We'll find what they're up to." She looked back over her shoulder and established eye contact with Tetsuya. "You agree with me, don't you?"

Tetsuya smiled and stepped forward. "Is that an order, your highness?"

Erica turned away and exited opened the door. "If you're all so worried about my abilities as a pilot, I shall have the Eagle accompany my team." She walked out the door and Tetsuya waved to the others as he followed. Erica gritted her teeth as she walked to the hanger. They all think I'm weak... no, I've put that behind me, now. I'm no longer sad about you, Chase, but I'm angry... I'm angry that no one will do right by you. Leave it to me. I'll do what they're too afraid to do!

"Tsumura!" Simms barked.

Tetsuya didn't stop walking and left the control room. "The princess' command supersedes yours," he replied. "I'm in no position to disobey her." The door closed behind him.

Simms flopped down into his chair and put his hand to his forehead. He turned it around so he could face the others. Daniel stood with his fist tightened. Jun and Joe stood behind him. Simms was about to speak up, but Daniel turned to his fellow pilots. "You guys..." he began. "I have a favor to ask you." Simms was relieved; the prince was a step ahead of him.

********************

Brandenstein sat in front of a video monitor in his quarters, which were locked up tight. Stephen's face was on the other end. The picture was fuzzy, but the audio was coming through clearly. Their communications network had not been cut off by the attack. "Is the line secure?" asked Brandenstein.

"No problems to report," replied Stephen. "Although is there any reason why you're keeping this information to yourself?"

"Please understand, it's not like I intend to hold this to myself," said Brandenstein. "But this is politics. It's all about putting myself in a position of leverage, and that extends to my men, as well. Naturally, you see that it helps you to keep this between us until the time is right."

Stephen frowned. He disliked all the games that went into what should be a simple operation. Smash and grab job, huh? Slightly more complicated than that. But he had to accept that if Brandenstein was serious about making a run at power in the near future, he would have to do whatever it took to build up trust within the military and the government. That would buy him support down the line, especially if he went for a coup.

"Right," Stephen said at last. "I did run the tests you requested, and I've observed some strange phenomena." He grabbed a clipboard and looked flipped through sheets of paper affixed to it. "Its body contains regular organic structures. Anatomically, it only has a few basic motor systems and the only sensory input appears to be vision. I have yet to figure out how it derives its energy, and..."

"So it's a flying eye," Brandenstein interrupted. "What about the tests?"

"Of course," Stephen said, bypassing some of his other reports. They were fairly inconclusive, anyway, so it would do him no good to go over those. "The purple liquid appears to serve several functions, principally the transmission of signals throughout the body," he reported. "I believe it also serves as a hydraulic fluid to drive movement in the wings and main body eyelid and stores the energy needed for its offensive discharge. Although, I can find no way to explain the speed of its flight or the strength of its attacks."

"That's fine. But you're saying it's essentially driven by that fluid?" asked Brandenstein.

"Yes," Stephen answered. "When brought into contact with the crystal samples you provided, it did show an adverse reaction not unlike magnetic repulsion. Neither material, though, shows any innate electromagnetic properties. Furthermore, as the materials were brought closer together, the repulsion grew as expected. But once I reached a certain threshold, the creature's blood completely disintegrated. This proved to be repeatable, and the mass could not be recovered. The crystal itself was unaffected."

"I see. This is valuable information, Stephen," Brandenstein replied. "I want you to make sure this stays between us. If my hunch is correct, and it looks like it is, then I might be the hero yet. Keep me posted if anything else comes up."

"There is, actually," said Stephen, spitting it out quickly as Brandenstein appeared ready to disconnect the channel. "I was examining the creature's core, which appears to function similar to the human brain. It's heavily specialized for visual input, but I also found functionality that I didn't understand. When I examined it further, it generated electronic signals that I was able to interpret as visual communication. I believe this may be the way these creatures communicate with each other, and if so, we might be able to build a device which talks to units within their base."

Brandenstein sat back and digested Stephen's information. That made sense. The demons generated high pitched screeches, but they didn't seem to have any audible senses. But if Stephen was right about them passing electric signals through the air with that organ... were those screeches anything like old fax modems? It was a long shot, but it might make sense. He returned to the console. "I expected no less of you, Stephen," he said. "I want you to try that."

"I'll do my best," Stephen replied. Brandenstein's face vanished as he cut the channel. Stephen placed the clipboard on the table and looked at the pieces of the dissected demon which lay throughout the room. Three days of nonstop work had produced all this, and it showed no signs of slowing down. The colonel says he's giving himself leverage, but for all that he knows, he isn't really taking any steps to defeat these things. Unless... will he use them to topple the government, and then become the great hero?

Brandenstein thought it over once more. Yes, as I expected, those crystals cancel out the black magic which powers those demons. This is good. I'm almost positive that magic permeates all of their monsters and the lord himself, just through a different medium. And if so, this will give me power over them. But if I can communicate directly with the dark lord, I'll have an easier time directing the defeat of the only thing standing in my way. The four Beasts of Dancougar!

Greal

07-11-2008, 09:28

Greal Qualifying Schedule
MD1: Greal VS (159) Vlaskin (4-2)
MD2: Greal VS (19) Demot (0-1)
MD3: Greal VS (31) Krytenia (1-2)
MD4: Greal VS (46) Magna Sancta Sedes (0-3)
MD5: Greal VS (165) Seventy Ninth Entrant (3-1)
MD6: Greal VS (10) Daehanjeiguk (2-3)
MD7: Greal VS (118) Dariusville (1-1)
MD8: Greal VS (159) Vlaskin (3-4)
MD9: Greal VS (19) Demot (0-2)
MD10: Greal VS (31) Krytenia (0-1)
MD11: Greal VS (46) Magna Sancta Sedes (2-1)
MD12: Greal VS (165) Seventy Ninth Entrant
MD13: Greal VS (10) Daehanjeiguk
MD14: Greal VS (118) Dariusville

Greal 2-1 Magna Sancta Sedes

Greal surprised the group by narrowly beating Magna Sancta Sedes 2-1. However, this victory for Greal comes too late, since Greal was eliminated and failed to qualify for the World Cup. Ross Trent rallied his team into turning the defeat into a victory for Greal.

The game started out with Magna Sancta Sedes scoring one goal at the fifteenth minute. Following it up, Howard Anderon scored at the twenty fourth minute. The first half ended after that, with many expecting Magna Sancta Sedes to win. The second half started off with both teams attempting to score unsuccessfully. However, on the fifty first minute, Howard Anderson capped the game by scoring his second goal of the game, and his tenth goal of qualifying WC43.

Other teams were doing their usual.

Daehanjeiguk tied with Demot 1-1.

Krytenia handed Seventy Ninth Entrant a loss 2-0.

Dariusville destroyed Vlaskin 4-1.

------------------------------------------------

Roger was leaving his apartment to head down to the warehouse. He had a lot of money to owe. As he was locking the door someone behind him said,"Its me."

Roger chuckled, "I was just going to drop by and see whats up."

As Roger turned around, the figure drew a shotgun and fired three times at Roger's chest. He fell to the ground, bleeding. The figure walked off down the hall quickly.

Police arrived a few minutes later and rushed Roger to the emergency room.

Arroza

07-11-2008, 13:48

Arrozan Ministry Of Sport Website> National Teams > Soccer > World Cup 43

Last Match Report...

My teeth exploded, which has kept me away from my keyboard and the Soccer blog...and yes, I am the only person in the Ministry Of Sport that is qualified to report on soccer. But I have been watching the games, and I see where we've been going wrong, not just with our soccer team, but with Arroza as a whole. We don't have an identity. The closest we have is with our football team which has taken the role of the nation as a hard-nosed industrial team.

It's odd actually, as a nation we have a lot going for us. We have a consistent history of being a well developed industrial country. Certain parts of the country are not just regionally known, but known world wide for their metallurgical prowess. We are one of the world's leaders in bio-medical technology, culminating in our Axlotl tanks, which are revolutionary in being able to repair injuries in fractions of the time that it would normally take. I think that the recent disconnect between Soccer and the nation's public is because we've labeled it as a sport for the elitists, and not as a national game, with the team espousing the same values at the rest of the nation at large.

Oh, and as for the actual game. We did what we needed to do, but in overly flashy style. The team scored three goals, and only let in one, due to the brilliant run of the Islandian forward after the defensive substitutions had already been made. It was negated though six minutes later by a missile launch from thirty yards out by Opelika. This was the type of goal we were expecting when he took over the driving midfielder position from Blake Camp.

Goals:
Arroza: Viades 4, Lancaster 55, Opelika 84
Islands of Qutar: Random 78

Next Match: Arroza @ Vilitek

Break off province of Rennidan, that likes to shoot down planes and kill soccer players. If the group wasn't so damn close we'd skip this game and file an international protest in solidarity with fellow soccer players around the world to keep anyone from playing these savages until full reparations have been made to Rennidan...

But damn that, we need these three points. So let's go knock some mud-people's dicks in the dirt.

Road to the World Cup:

With three group games left to go, the Tar Hornets are back in their normal situation of being in the middle of their group looking up at the people who are supposed to qualify. All hope is not lost, though as the Hornets are only 4 points behind the Jerusalem Army Cannons, and 3 points behind The Golden-Whites, but we hold the tie-breaker having beat The Macabees twice. With our last game being at Jeru F.C. anything's possible. But the following things need to happen, starting with the things that we can control...

1.We have to quit dropping points to mid-level teams. Losing to Kjomasasopia is not acceptable anywhere. Losing to Vilitek is even worse, and if we fail to beat the mud warriors this weekend, we might as well close up shop. Really, we would need to run the table to catch Jeru F.C., assuming that they're going to win at least one of their next two games.
2.The Macabees need to lose some to someone, anyone while we're winning.
3.It'd help if Bazalonia qualifies this week, so they can take their foot off the gas before they play us. Even so, we only lost 3-2 at Bazalonia, and the return leg in Atalanta is a game that is surprisingly winnable.

Schedule:

Friendly: @ Secristan (0-1)
MD1: The Macabees (3-0)
MD2: @ Bostopia (0-5)
MD3: Kjomasasopia (4-0)
MD4: @ Islands of Qutar (0-1)
MD5: Vilitek (0-1)
MD6: @ Bazalonia (2-3)
MD7: Jeru F.C. - @ Costa Norte, Seclusion Coast (1-3)
MD8: @ The Macabees (3-1)
MD9: Bostopia (0-3)
MD10: @ Kjomasasopia (0-1)
MD11: Islands of Qutar (3-1)
MD12: @ Vilitek
MD13: Bazalonia
MD14: @ Jeru F.C. (insert dramatic music here...dun dun dun.)

Arroza

07-11-2008, 14:04

MD 12-14: 3rd Place Contender Schedule Update!

Arroza Schedule (12):

12: @ Vilitek
13: Bazalonia
14: @ Jeru F.C.

The Macabees Schedule (15)

12: Kjomasasopia
13: @ Jeru F.C.
14: The Islands of Qutar

Jeru F.C. Schedule (16)

12: Bazalonia
13: The Macabees
14: Arroza

Smart money's on the Golden Whites as they control their own destiny against Jeru F.C., and generally get a much, much easier schedule than the Cannons. Jeru F.C. takes the group if they can pull a shock result against Bazalonia and just caost in with ties, and well Arroza either needs to beat the Bazalopes, or pray that the Macabees tie Jeru and have 2 shock losses at home.

West Zirconia

07-11-2008, 14:18

From: The Most Revd Aaron Price, Archbishop of Moorcroft
To: The Rt Revd Andrew Fox, Bishop of Snaith

My dear Bishop,

Thank you for taking the time to air your discomfort at recent events in Moorcroft. First, may I point out that the service over which I presided at Manchester Street was a service of thanksgiving for the friendship and co-operation that has arisen from the twinning arrangement with Arrigo (in Candelaria And Marquez). The fact is, there is only one venue in Moorcroft capable of holding 85,000 people, so it was the obvious choice for such celebrations.

Now I'm sure that you, as a fellow-Christian, would welcome friendship between cities and between nations, rather than fostering fear and suspicion. So it can't be that to which you object. If it is the use of Divine liturgy that irks you, then perhaps you would have preferred me to decline the invitation, or even to forbid the holding of a service within the stadium. Surely such a move would have led to the Church being labelled stand-offish, aloof and out of touch. We could even have been charged with xenophobia by some of the more excitable edges of society.

If it was the football that bothered you, then all I can say is that the football, like the service, the concerts, the fireworks and that strange person on top of the taxi (I didn't understand what that was about either) were all part of the same celebrations. We were not celebrating football that day - we and they were simply finding ways of expressing our friendship.

I hope that this answers some of your objections, and in doing so may I also express my gratitude that on this occasion you came first to me, rather than running to the Daily Herald.

Yours in Christ,

+Aaron Moorcroft

Jeru FC

07-11-2008, 14:39

To: President of the Jeruselem FA, Lady Dazzarina Handiskya Dallas
From: Ryan Greenly, Coach of Jeru FC

My team are trying hard to keep on track but the path to victory will be really difficult. Considering we have to play 3 of the top 5 in Group 3 in the last three games! That's Bazalonia, The Macabees and then Arroza. Unlike Jeruselem who have played the big teams and beaten them, our team has the big teams left has trouble beating any of them.

My team need all the support we can get. I don't care who it is but we need Jeruselem fans packing out stadiums to help our Jeru FC get across the line. I think our early losses have come back to bite us. Jeru FC started well but then fell to bits while Jeruselem lost two but have 9 wins in row now.

I know the team are beyond any kind of miracles. If the Jeruselem FA can help the Cannons with a bit support from fans, it would be appreciated. I know Jeruselem fans prefer to watch Jeruselem but we need their support for Jeru FC which doesn't seem to attract the same crowds. I know why the Jeruselem team attract fans, mainly because of scantily dressed female football players like yourself. Jeru FC doesn't have the same attraction.

Maybe you could send your daughter Princess Jacinta or even your sister Mary Sallad around. The team need a little magic to keep working. While Jeru FC is built around being a disciplined army team, we don't seem to have the leaders we need. We don't have Kate Sallad to fire up the team when the chips are down. I try but it seems they respond well to someone with true passion for their nation. I can see why Dallas women are so effective in football. Football isn't just a living, job or means of income - it's an expression of patriotism for one's nation. Jeru FC seem to be missing that a bit, we need a bit of passion combined with army discipline to get Jeru FC into the finals.

Regards
Ryan

Cassadaigua

07-11-2008, 15:09

Courtney’s Space

Everyone still wants to know what happened. We’ve lost another one and suddenly don’t seem to be playing very well at all. Losing to Colbourne was stunning and we have dropped a quick three games in a row. We knew we were going to be in tough with this stretch of six road games in seven matchdays, but this was the one we were supposed to win. It was our one home game, and we just did not get the job done. There’s a saying in sports, at least in Cassadaigua, that the hardest game of a long road trip is your first home game when it’s all over with. The reason for this is because after spending so much time away from home, when you finally arrive, you’re spending time catching up with your family or friends, paying bills, or simply doing other things when your focus should be on the task at hand. All this while your opponent comes to town and it’s just another road game for them. I’m not saying this is what happened and I do not want to make excuses for losses. I wish I knew what was going on because then we could correct this. Right now we are all looking at each other and wondering who has the answer to right the ship. As the captain, I am looked towards to be a leader in this situation, and I believe I am doing that. Morale has obviously dropped but I still think we are keeping our heads high and remembering that we are still in this together. There is no locker room bickering between us, no one blaming the other for this struggle that we have found ourselves in. As frustrating as this is, we all realize that this is the first significant stretch of losses that we have had since we joined the World Cup scene. It was bound to happen. Now, we will reach down and snap out of this funk. We will do whatever it takes. I can’t promise anything other then we will fight as hard as we can to get positive results.

Qualifying for World Cup 44 is nearly over. We go to Universitus University, then travel to Candelaria And Marquez then Rennidan to finish it off. From there, our fate will be known. We will be either heading to the World Cup or to the Cup of Harmony. Rumors are beginning to fly that the Cup of Harmony will be held in Newmanistan and West Zirconia, but it will be a few days before we anything official on that. The Cup of Harmony is the probable spot for us, but don’t count us out. We’ve done several improbable things before.

Urna Eletronica

07-11-2008, 16:40

News: Bad ending in debate against The Holy Empire

The intention was initially to play just a football game being valid for the World Cup 43 qualifiers, but an incident overshadowed the sport in this day, which was a debate that happened between the politicians of Urna Eletrônica (the players of the team), and the ancient staff from The Holy Empire, in which they started to discuss about the main necessities of today's world and which things could be done to overcome these difficulties, and the debate was going well for us until the referee forbid the entrance of propaganda experts in the field to help our players, and due to this they were simply humiliated by The Holy Empire representatives, as our politicians don't really know much about that issue.

The football game was played soon later, but our politician-players were so shocked by the intensity of the debate which happened earlier, and so frustrated that they couldn't use the knowledge of their propaganda experts in their favour that they weren't able to get the necessary concentration in order to play a quality level of football, and The Holy Empire was able to apply a heavy amoung of goals, defeating our valuable team of Urna Eletrônica by the result of 4-0, a result that left most of our players embarassed.

News: Collor fix elections and stays in the team

The confusion that was started in the last training session of the team (see our last RP for more details) seems to be over now, because after being accused by protesters of stealing money from bank accounts of poor people Collor was able to win the elections that would decide if he would have to leave the team as punishment, which means that he was considered innocent of the accusations and will continue in the team, in a result that surprised many people, but not the politicians, who were already expecting this due to Collor's talent in buying votes and in entering in the programming of the voting machines to change their results, with even the ones that were opposing him agreeing that would be difficult for Collor to lose.

With both Collor and Maluf back after receiving many accusations, the team is finally back to full strength, and continues with good qualifying chances, something that incentivated many players of the team to make speeches to the voters, commenting about the importance of the World Cup for the country and the fact that they are essential if the country wants to reach it, something that was commented in the speeches of Lula, Brizola and Covas, for example, in the capital of the country, Caixa Dois, while they also criticized their team mates too, saying that they are corrupt and don't deserve your vote.

Taeshan

07-11-2008, 17:48

Purple Knights Defeat Docky

2-1 was the final score last night as the Purple Knights took on a youn Docky team looking for an upset, but they would not suceed. The Knights answered everones questions defeating the young team and taking the group lead before the big home game in Docktown vs Kosovoe. Last time they met the Knights put on a scorefest crushing the Blue Tornado.

It was another cold Taeshnai day and the Docky team was obviously not ready for the harsh conditions in the freezing Taeshani air. It was snowing down a hailstorm. Visibility as usual was down to a minumum, but the Docky team was able to score an early goal in the 17th minute to give ther frozen fans a stroke of warmth. But it was not enough for the young Docky team as star Knight Brian Ying uing connected on a banana kick, and Hele scored on a questionable penalty kick after a really bad call from the Candelaria ref. Anyways the Knights one wich is good.

West Zirconia

07-11-2008, 19:01

West Zirconia's qualification hopes took a severe blow with an unexpected 2-0 defeat to Bushdome at the City of Houghton Stadium.

Roy Hazell tried out a 3-4-3 formation, in an attempt to keep three excellent strikers on the pitch at once. However, there was always the risk of the truncated defence being tested to breaking point.

And so it proved. Half-way through the first half, Fox and Paterson were completely caught out, allowing the Bushdome striker to score past a helpless Steve Gray.

In the second half, Hazell restored the 4-4-2 formation, taking off a weary-looking Alun Lydiate for Russell Munro. In his past few games, Lydiate has been spectacular, scoring five in the past four matches (including the Candelaria And Marquez friendly), but it has obviously taken its toll on the youngster.

The change had no effect on an already demoralised team, however, and Bushdome scored again to seal the game with minutes to spare.

The defeat leaves West Zirconia in fifth, five points behind Prux in third. Next comes a should-win, and must-win, match with Thoughts of Randomness in Mort Park. Victory in this match would keep the pressure on Prux, who play West Zirconia at the KPM Stadium in the following fixture.

West Zirconia: Gray, Phillips (c), Fox, Paterson, Hawthorne, Williams, French, McGowan, Forster, Griffiths, Lydiate (Munro 53).

Goals: Bushdome - Anon (23, 86)

Dancougar

07-11-2008, 20:02

Dancougar News!!
Danana naaaaa... danana na naaaaaaa... danana naaaaa... danana na na na naaaaaa, nanana, nanananananana na naaaaaaaa... it's the final countdown!!

Wings on top in eight-goal thriller: Fans came to the National Stadium expecting a Wing against the Baptism of Fire champion Myedvedeya Bears, and they got it. But neither group of supporters were expecting an offensive explosion marked by poor defending and expert finishing, as Dancougar defeated the visitors 5-3 to pull within three points of assured qualification. The Wings pulled away in the second half after the opening forty five minutes saw two lead changes that left defenders scratching their heads.

"It's hard to explain an effort like that," said defender Casey Berber. "We certainly weren't expecting to get into a shootout with these guys, but it just goes to show you that every team is dangerous, especially when they need points as badly as they do." Myedvedeya now sit nine points back of third-place Lovisa with three games remaining. "They did a lot of good things off the ball and came right at us. But we made some adjustments at halftime and were able to shut them down."

The Wings got the first attempt on goal, a Dan Potts effort in the 5th that was soft and easily saved by Boris Bykovsky, squandering the buildup play of his midfield. Both teams looked dangerous in the early minutes, with lots of ball movement but not real shots to show for it. The visitors grabbed the lead in the 11th minute, when Alexander Markov finished off a nice chain of passes with a ball played right into the path of Aleksander Rozhdestvensky, and the stocky forward showed his strength by fending off a Sho Yukikaze challenge while smashing the ball past Yuji Watanabe for the 1-0 lead.

The home team would equalize within two minutes. So often you see a team grab the lead and wake their opponent, and Myedvedeya were hardly given any time to enjoy the lead, as Lyle Dylandy immediately launched an attack down the right side. He faked a cut inside to turn his defender, which gave him a few extra yards of space to send in a cross. Shishio Jinguuji went up for a header but defender Ivan Mizin came over the top to win the ball. The referee blew for a penalty, which drew protests from the defender in addition to a yellow card. Jinguuji took the kick himself and Bykovsky guessed wrong; he dove left and heard the cheers announce the goal.

The teams settled down after that, but they weren't without their chances. Watanabe saved from captain Nikolai Dolohov in the 22nd, a high volley that Watanabe plucked out of midair just underneath the crossbar. Potts nearly got on the board in the 28th with a redirection of an Anthony Ingram shot that just grazed the outside of the post. But the lead came in the 33rd, as captain Kevin Underwood slipped a short pass to Kazuki Midorikawa, who found just enough space at the top of the box for a shot. It stayed on the turf the whole way, and Bykovsky just didn't get down in time. The score was 2-1, and the Wings looked poised to break the game open.

But they could not add to the lead. The Bears dug in on defense and allowed the Wings to move the ball around, so long as none of the movement was forward. "We couldn't find the last pass through the wall," said Benjamin Whittaker, whose crosses were headed clear by the Myedvedeya back four. This only encouraged more Dancougar players to come forward and join the siege, giving the Bears exactly what they were looking for - a lightning counterattack. It came in the 42nd, with Dolohov leading the charge. Underwood attempted to challenge Dolohov's possession, but in the battle of the captains, Dolohov was the winner. His pass found Barabanschikov, who pushed it ahead of Milan van der Horst and fired a low shot past Watanabe to knot the score at 2-2.

On the stroke of halftime, the Bears got another. Dolohov once again hooked up with Barabanschikov with a sneaky pass to the edge of the box, where his teammate was heading at full steam. Milan van der Horst was beaten but did all he could to win the ball. His sprawling tackle on the edge of the box commanded the referee's immediate attention. For the tackle from behind to prevent a shot, van der Horst was given a straight red. To add to the defense's misery, a penalty kick was awarded, and Aloyoshenka Vorotaev converted to make it 3-2. The Wings were down to ten men, had ceded two goals in the final five minutes of the half, and now faced a chorus of boos from the home supporters, which were drowned out by the proud, booming roars of the ursines in attendance. As the team trudged into the tunnel for coach Solomon Bilbao's halftime talk, the atmosphere was that of the Coliseum, and the Wings had gotten a thumbs down.

"There was a lot of wide open play," said Bilbao, "and we were starting to get the worst of it. [Myedvedeya] were playing more free-spirited football, and it showed in the way they ended the half. But the key was that their wings were getting too much space to do what they wanted, so I figured we would close them down and then worry about pushing up for the equalizer." Ingram was pulled in favor of defender Brad Leeds to shore up the gap left by van der Horst, and then Underwood was held back to let the outside defenders cover their space more tightly. The result was effectively a 4-3-2, hardly a formation built for getting back into a game.

Bilbao's strategy worked, though. Barabanschikov and Grigor Ulyanov found less space to work with, and the added presence of Underwood in the middle helped Berber fend off crosses that slipped through. The Bears were unable to press their advantage, while the Wings steadily gained momentum. The turning point was the 56th minute, when Dylandy was matched up against the towering Mizin. Dylandy attempted to push past him and the ball got away from him. Mizin went to poke it free, but Dylandy dragged his foot into the tackle and flopped to the turf. The play resulted in Mizin's second yellow, which reduced the game to ten on ten. Two minutes later, the game was tied 3-3. Whittaker hit a high looping cross that went past goal and to the far side of the box, where Potts headed it back towards the middle. On came Jinguuji to collect his second goal of the evening.

Then, in the 66th, a defensive miscue by the Bears helped Dancougar regain the lead. The methodic build-up play of the Black Wing midfield appeared wasted when Midorikawa's attempt to locate Potts near the top of the box was picked off by Karolek Preminin. He pushed it wide to Ivan Romasko and the teams started to trudge back the other way. Pressure from Whittaker forced Romasko to halt his forward progress and turn around to protect the ball, and he attempted to pass it back and square for Preminin. But Potts, who had been lagging behind the play, saw the lazy ball and made a dash for it which Preminin picked up when it was too late. Potts snapped up the ball and fired a low pass to Underwood, who charged forward. He was through on goal, but he unselfishly poked a short pass square for Potts, who finished the play despite the best efforts of Romasko to tackle the ball away.

"Sometimes you get a freak chance like that," said Potts, who picked up his fourth game-winning goal, which leads the team. "I was late getting back into the play but I saw the ball just hanging there, so I went after it. Kevin did great to see it and break right away."

Myedvedeya could not claw their way back into the game, as the fifth goal was in waiting. In the 80th minute, Dancougar put the game on ice through Whittaker, who converted a Lyle Dylandy corner kick. The absense of Mizin made Dancougar's aerial attack more dangerous down the stretch, making it easier for them to heap the pressure on the Bears. Too much time was spend defending, as Myedvedeya just managed three shots in the final twenty minutes, and all were snuffed out by Watanabe.

Matchday twelve preview: @ Lovisa (6-3-2): So, who does Newmanistan root for tonight as the Wings head into another big road game with a top-half foe? The Rocket Report has come to the conclusion that a Dancougar win works more to their interests, and we're inclined to agree, partially because we're a bunch of homers. But columnist Drew Papes of the Stoneridge Post thinks he can explain why, and it comes down to his four favorite words... look at the schedule.

"Newmanistan can do no better than twenty five points, and when you look ahead to the next set of games... Alversia at Dancougar, Bostopian Empire at Lovisa... both of those are very winnable games for the hosts," says Papes. "Three points put the Wings at twenty six and safety, three puts Lovisa at twenty four. This is regardless of what they do tonight, but given this setup, I think the Rockets stand a better chance of jumping Lovisa on the last day if they can be held down tonight."

Lovisa are coming off their third draw in four games, and that slump has allowed Dancougar to get one foot into the door. Newmanistan, though, are also on their back heel, having taken just two points from their last three games while Dancougar have nine, resulting in the current seven-point gap. From a momentum standpoint, Dancougar are in a better position to continue the run, but that could all change tonight in Lovisa. And we cannot call the Alversia game a gimme, either. Fans will recall qualification for World Cup 42; Dancougar's 2-2 draw against Cypron, ranked a hundred plus, ensured their spot in the third-place playoffs when a win would have jumped... Lovisa.

"The tiebreaking scenarios are interesting, though," says Papes, sitting in front of a small chalkboard upon which he has scribbled I'm Right, You're Something Else. "If Lovisa get to twenty five points, they're in, because they have the head-to-head with the Rockets. If Dancougar is stuck on twenty five going into the final match, Newmanistan can beat them to pull level on points, but they will win the head-to-head. And in that situation, at home, the Rockets are the only favorites.

"So it really comes down to where you think the points will come from, and as it stands, a Dancougar victory tonight leaves only one spot left for the Rockets, but it really hurts Lovisa because they would have to take points from Starblaydia on the road in order to shut the door completely. And I don't see the group leaders faltering now."

But now onto the actual game... who do we like? Dancougar visited Lovisa on matchday one of the previous qualification tournament and lost 2-1. This time, with the teams heading in different directions, we want to say Dancougar have what it takes to get another big win and put it beyond doubt. But Lovisa have shown resilience in the past, and we think fortune smiles on them once again. Prediction: Dancougar 2 @ 3 Lovisa.

Dancougar News!! future in limbo: The recent economic collapse has hit the Dancougar News!! hard, and our parent company is thinking of pulling the plug. But because of the incredible service we provide to our readers, and because we like being employed, our valiant chairman has taken it upon himself to save us. He's driving to Baltimore tonight, on his own dime, for a weekend of talks with the brass to try and win a stay of execution. We don't know what Baltimore is, but he ensures us that it has everything to do with saving the Dancougar News!! and nothing to do with a lady friend at some college that plays lacrosse. The Dancougar News!! may, as a result, appear in an abbreviated form over the next few days, if at all.

Candelaria And Marquez

07-11-2008, 20:27

Months ago…

Fowa Thorty-Aaiyt Pee Em

It hez bin twa hoors an’ ninteen minnats since the See-an’-Em undor twenty-yen squad discovvad that thor wud be nar Di Bradini Cup this yeor afta all.

Richard, John, Leandro, Sebastián, Ben Royle an’ Eric are in the garden, feedin’ the chickin.

Joe, Diego Fernando an’ Debbie are in the mastor bedreum.

Abdul an’ Gwynfardd are in the minor bedreum, arguin’ owor the correct direction tuh Mecca.

Luke, Zach, Russ, Fred an’ Reuben are in the main livin’ area, discussin’ this week’s shoppin’ list.

Mark an’ Kieron are in the bathruem, plottin’ the managor’s revenge on the Candelariasian state.

“Aguazul!”

“Yeah, gaffer, I know…”

“You couldn’t make it up, you really couldn’t…”

“It’s a poor show all round, Mark.”

The old manager nodded, but detected the weary tone in Kieron Tomlinson’s voice. He’d know the boy – the boy!, who was, what, forty-three next birthday? – since he’d been just a lad, in attitude if not necessarily in age. The left-back had been in his late twenties, after all, when he’d received a call-up to Baker’s very first C&M squad, but he’d still been a gad-about-town back then, a hit with the ladies as much as with the Scorpions and Big Blues supporters. He’d never known him call him ‘Mark’ in all that time. Perhaps his initial elation at the apparent return from the icy depths of his former manager had worn off somewhat now, now that they’d spent a full week in Tabeck at Candelariasian taxpayers’ expense, waiting for a tournament that never looked likely. It was hard to spend seven days cooped up in a three-star hotel – even one with an attached golf course overlooking Lake Bekk – without tempers flaring just a little.

Mark knew all that, but wasn’t about to let this lie. This was his livelihood they were messing with and, more importantly, his life. He probably didn’t have much of it left, and was royally buggered if he was going to waste it like this without a fight.

“Honestly, Kieron, do you know how far it is between here and Land de Wood? We’ve dragged Gwynfardd all the way over here, and for what? Same with Tom – that’s a big chunk of the LIDYT season he’s going to miss. I suppose we should be thankful it’s the Valan… Eesseffian off-season, otherwise Juavi would’ve kicked up one helluva stink over Abdul’s omission. But d’you think Wiechester will be happy that Zach’s absent? Or Atlético Insular? Never mind dragging Debbie Wotzerface over from Aguazul, and that’s all without all the Candelariasian-based pla–”

“Gaffer… It’s a shame, we all think that, but nobody’s to blame, are they? It’s just one of those things…”

“Just one of those things…” Mark parroted grimly. “I wish you were right. But I know, you know. This is the government down to the ground. Send me out on this unnecessary flight, get me blood pressure up. They’re trying to kill me, Kieron.”

“Again,” the coach commented cheerfully.

“Indeed. I’m an annoyance, an anomaly. They can explain away most things, but I just stick out there like a big, fat, paranormal boil. And they just know that at any given moment I might just go and burst with the puss of Truth…”

Kieron swallowed nervously. “So… What’re you gonna do about it?”

“Retire gracefully,” Mark replied toothily, “Slippers an’ all. Possibly invest in a Yorkshire terrier. And then, when the moment’s right…”

***

There were stadia that drove awe and fear into the hearts of visiting players and supporters. Their history, their architectural majesty, their sheer size, their atmosphere – the worlds’ great sporting arenas would, if there was any honesty, dominate any list of the worlds’ great religious buildings as well. In the modern, secular worlds, they were justly places of pilgrimages. Even in the Candelarias, a land which happened upon the notion of charging people excessive fees to watch men kicking around a small sphere for an hour or two rather late, there existed sporting theatres that simply had to be experienced before one could say that they had truly lived a full life.

And then there was the Snowy Park Athletics Centre. KT Hotspur fans tried to call it ‘The Valleys’, which helped a bit, but you couldn’t get away from the fact that it was small and ugly, and the majority of those in the stands watched the game in the hope that at least some of the action would take place in the small sliver of pitch that they could actually make out from their position behind a concrete post or at a ludicrous angle. The Spur had a wealthy and slightly deranged owner, which was why the national team were here, but no-one could argue that it was a fitting arena for the country’s finest. Oh, it was evocative. It evoked something shocking. But the horrible little place was universally loathed – by everyone, of course, apart from the locals.

Aaron Kortsarian, for his part, adored it. Having spent his formative career at the Clifton Sausage Company Arena, the Allemali-born midfielder was of the opinion that you could stuff your soulless boxes. This was where football was supposed to be played.

Not actually, obviously; the place having been built for athletics originally, hence the name. But he’d lived in Rose of Sharon long enough to realise why the local supporters had long resisted a move away from The Valleys for, as he strode out onto the pitch, the Land de Wood players looked decidedly peaky. This hadn’t been what they were expecting from Candelaria, Marquez, or indeed any of the other bits. A gaggle of younger natives of the visiting country – kids from Southern Village FC, currently training at KT Hotspur’s youth academy, with whom they had a formal link-up – couldn’t help expressing their amusement at their countryfolk’s unhappiness, which only served to make life seem even worse for the maroon-white-and-blue-clad visitors.

For Kortsarian, the connections between Land de Wood and KT Hotspur made this occasion all the more enjoyable. Without it, they’d have been just another Micnnaifaocp (C&M Foreign Office shorthand for ‘Mildly insane Christian nation named after its founder and/or current President’ – the term saw quite a lot of use). As it was, Aaron had the chance to get one over on his club team-mate Tom Darkless.

The game had barely kicked off, and Kortsarian was already running into the box. The defender Stephen Diddon tried to give him a cuddle, but the Candelariasian shrugged him off and tried desperately to present himself as inviting a target for Niv Cohen’s cross as possible. Abdul Ibadulla and Dionísio had taken up good positions too, and Aaron watched the Albrecht Turkish winger whisper “Mene, mene, tekel, upharsin” before shutting his eyes and launching the ball towards the duly selected target. Aaron rose highest and planted a header in the top left-hand corner.

A crowd drawn from across the islands jumped to their feet. This was a pity, since they lacked the nouse that comes with being born and bred in the post-civil war architectural nightmare that was Rose of Sharon, and failed to legislate for the stadium’s instability at these sorts of moments.

Presently, a column cheerfully disintegrated and the north stand collapsed.

***

The National Reporter Online>Sport>Football Shorts

Safety inspectors issue damning Valleys verdict KT Hotspur fans have been told that they can ‘forget’ about playing at home for the remainder of this CMSC season, after their ground was ruled as ‘terminally unsafe’ following the incident that marred the first attempt at the C&M versus Land de Wood international in Rose of Sharon.

While there were only a dozen minor injuries, a chastened KT Hotspur chairman Lee Adamczyk was forced to concede that only the almost total lack of fans in the north stand’s lower tier – in the area designated for visiting supporters – had stopped a disaster on a scale hitherto unknown in Candelariasian football.

The remaining eight-five minutes of the game were played twenty-four hours later at the Khatib Together Stadium, with goals from Dionísio Madeira Lobos, Abdul Ibadulla and Niv Cohen added to Aaron Kortsarian’s early header to give C&M a simple four-nil victory, but the result will hardly have helped soothe the misery of KT Hotspur supporters, who now face a fortnightly trek to the Oakley Park Self-Catering Holidays Arena in Saurin for home games until a new stadium can be built, starting with next week’s hosting of AFC MN Smith.

The Big Blues meanwhile will remain in the north-east for the next qualifying game, with Saturday Sport the opponents at the Kaleta Online Dome.

Kortsarian denies Cafundelense rumours KT Hotspur and C&M left winger Aaron Kortsarian has furiously hit out at rumours linking him with a post-World Cup move to Cafundéu. He angrily denied foreign press reports, telling TTO’s The Football Show; “Obviously, yeah, you never know what the future may hold. I’m really very happy at the Spur and everything but obviously, y’know, it’s flattering to be linked with any move, especially to over there, and I’m not going to rule anything out, although, obviously, I don’t want to go, but if the money’s right, and everything, you never know, do you?”

Spur fans have applauded their player’s fierce denial of his impending transfer.

Dixon ‘comes out as black’ Fans of the C&M national team have been left reeling tonight after right-back Harris Dixon – an ever-present in Kris Healy’s team over recent months – admitted he was black, during a live television interview.

Rumours surrounding Dixon’s ethnicity had started last week, following match photographs appearing in Cafundelense newspapers showing the number twelve, prompting internet theories that Dixon’s time playing for A.F.F. had profoundly affected him.

However, speaking to Ben Roberts on RZA’s The Football Show on the Radio, Dixon confirmed that he had been black for much of his life. “I appreciate that this will come as a shock to a lot of people, including certain members of my family back home,” he admitted, “but the time is probably right to let my fellow countrymen know the truth.” He added that many members of the C&M squad had been privately aware of the twenty-eight year-old’s thus-far hidden heritage.

With the history books edited, Dixon now becomes one of five black players to have represented C&M, alongside God’s Power Adekunde, Alex Duxbury, Reiban Okeke and Reuben Uwakwe. There have also been several mixed-race players, as well as numerous of Asian or Arab descent, but many supporters have reacted badly to what they describe as Dixon’s duplicity. “I’ve got no problem with it,” one caller to RZO said this lunchtime, “but you’d think he would’ve told us sooner.”

GAP ‘satisfied’ with Globe Cup performance Greater Arrigo Police Commissioner Ronnie Padilla has pronounced himself pleased with the law enforcement on show during the Globe Cup final at the Estadio Arrigo Nacional, despite trouble in the city centre between Ranca Toco supporters and Ranca Toco supporters.

“That sort of thing rather goes with the territory, and considering we’re hardly used to that sort of behaviour, I’d say our operation went pretty well,” he told El Periodico del Arrigo.

Harvey ‘demoted’ from international role Candelariasian referee Vallender Harvey’s career beyond his native shores appears to be over, after a terrible blunder gave Taeshan a two-one win over Docky in their vital World Cup qualifier. Harvey, who also made headlines during World Cup 40 qualifying following a weak performance in a Rennidan v. Sorthern Northland fixture. This week’s performance appears to have been the final straw for the WCC’s refereeing panel, who have deselected the Candelarian for the remaining three matchdays.

Matthew Tortini, the Kura-Pellandi manager of Arrigo Portuguese, was given a three-match touchline ban during the CMSC XXVIII season for describing Harvey as ‘the worst ref in [C&M], and almost as bad as the corrupt shower we’ve got back home’.

The Archregimancy

07-11-2008, 20:31

THE EPISTLES OF POLYCARP

The Third Letter of Polycarp to An Blascaod Mór

To the suddenly no longer quite so cute and harmless microstate of An Blascaod Mór: greetings

What a delightful little nation you have. Your way of life is almost monastic in its virtue and simplicity. We rejoice that we have been given the opportunity to visit a nation that, were it only to convert to Orthodoxy, would be considered amongst the most blessed of isles. We further rejoice at the thought that Orthodox monks from Sorthern Northland may soon be in a position to make themselves at home in ascetic cells on your offshore skerries.

We rejoice less at last night's result. I mean, are you joking? How many times did the monks hit the woodwork anyway? And Dougal McGuire's goal... I haven't seen anything flukier since the remote-controlled wheelchair football tournament for elderly monks we held at Troitse-Sergiyeva monastery some years back.

Answering my own question, it was 10. TEN TIMES. Surely your goal frame is constructed of fragments of the True Cross to be so blessed. And as for McGuire's goal.... but for a freak (or perhaps not so freak - yours is a windy land) gust of wind catching the ball as he was attempting a back pass lob, the ball would never have reversed direction and carried into our goal. Surely you have to admit that was sheer luck.

What a few matches it's been. Consecutive draws against Nethertopia and Green Wombat, and now a loss to you. That'll teach us to get cocky, eh? Time for a bit less talking about how we're 'sailing through qualification', and time for a bit more monastic humility, I think.

Anyway, it was lovely visiting your little island. You do have such lovely hovels.

Yours in Christ

Fr. Polycarp the Venerable
First Hierarch of the World Cup Committee

The Third Letter of Polycarp to the Nethertopians

To the occasionally Orthodox people of Nethertopia: greetings

Thank you for your last letter. I rejoice to hear that there are Orthodox Christians in your fine land. Just to clear up one point of miscommunication, if they're members of a canonical Orthodox church in communion with the other canonical autocephalous branches of Orthodoxy, then they're already members of the One True Church. Just thought I'd clarify that one for you.

Gosh, what a lot of big words we Orthodox prelates tend to use!

Yours in Christ

Fr. Polycarp the Venerable
First Hierarch of the World Cup Committee

The Letter of Polycarp the the West Zirconians

To the Archbishop of Moorcroft: greetings

I couldn't help but notice that in some of your private communiques that have recently come to my attention (the Dreamed Realm's like that - we know what you're thinking. Bit creepy, isn't it?) that you have defended the use of the Divine Liturgy. Could this be the Divine Liturgy of St. John Chrysostom? Could it be that there are hitherto unsuspected (on the other hand, we're not omniscient) Orthodox hierarchs in West Zirconia?

Yours in Christ

Fr. Polycarp the Venerable
First Hierarch of the World Cup Committee

Qazox

07-11-2008, 21:31

QSPN.Com World Cup Coverage

Next-to last NSWCBCS standings released!

NSWCBCS Formula: 33% of our Computer rankings (the average of the 5 computers rankings), 34% of Green wombat's ranks and I mean 33% Record, (the Higher the Pts, the better the ranking)

TOP 20 NSWCBCS teams

Tynelia 24.58
Bostopia 23.75
Jeruselem 22.96
Qazox 22.89
Demot 22.68
Milchama 19.85
Cafundeu 19.82
Starblaydia 19.22
Dancougar 18.45
Candelaria And Marquez 17.02
Kura-Pelland 16.85
The Holy Empire 15.93
Bazalonia 15.89
Sorthern Northland 13.90
Taeshan 11.63
Yafor 2 11.50
Yafalonia and Bazor 2 11.42
The Archregimancy 10.98
Wentland 9.63
Daehanjeiguk 9.58

Projected World Cup Group Seedings:
(note Projections only include teams that would qualify after MD11)
#1 seeds:
Tynelia, Bostopia, Jeruselem, Qazox, Demot, Cafundeu, Vephrall and Valanora (the Latter 2 Co-Hosts)
#2 Seeds:
Milchama, Starblaydia, Dancougar, Candelaria And Marquez, Kura-Pelland, The Holy Empire, Bazalonia, Sorthern Northland
#3 Seeds:
Taeshan, Yafor 2, Yafalonia and Bazor 2, The Archregimancy, Wentland, Daehanjeiguk, Ad'ihan, Lovisa
#4 Seeds:
Prux, Jeru FC, Terreiro de Ogum, Urna Eletrônica, Krytenia, An Blascaod Mór, Septentrionia, Rennidan

PROJECTED WORLD CUP GROUPS
Group A:
Valanora
Sorthern Northland
Yafor 2
Rennidan

Group B:
Bostopia
Bazalonia
Daehanjeiguk
Septentrionia

Group C:
Jeruselem
Kura-Pelland
Yafalonia and Bazor 2
An Blascaod Mór

Group D:
Cafundeu
Candelaria And Marquez
The Archregimancy
Urna Eletrônica

Group E:
Vephrall
Starblaydia
Taeshan
Prux

Group F:
Tynelia
Dancougar
Ad'ihan
Terreiro de Ogum

Group G:
Qazox
Milchama
Lovisa
Krytenia

Group H:
Demot
The Holy Empire
Wentland
Jeru FC

Alasdair I Frosticus

07-11-2008, 23:35

NOT JUST A PRETTY FACE
Urkes Political Lecture Destroys Urna Eletrônica

By Anna Comneno

Football fans across the Holy Empire may have been most impressed by scoring sensation Urko Urkes four first half goals against Urna Eletrônica last night, but to the neutral observer, it was his destruction of the politically-obsessed opposition's socio-economic arguments that most impressed.

Following the visitor's insistence on a pre-match debate on "the main necessities of today's world [presumably meaning Ordinary Reality] and which things could be done to overcome [Ordinary Reality] difficulties", Urkes impressed for the home squad with his deconstruction of Marxist dialectical materialism and classic neo-liberal economics.

Taking the position that both ideologies are irrelevant in the utopian Dreamed Realm, Urkes argued strenuously that both positions are 'two sides of the same coin' to residents of the Dreamed Realm in much the same way that Protestantism and Catholicism can seem a virtually theologically identical false dichotomy to the Orthodox theologian.

Urkes' long elucidation of post-reality Imperial economics seemed to leave the visiting politician footballers in stunned awe, and only a minor controversy over researchers termed 'propaganda experts' by the confused opposition marred the tremendous debating triumph of everyone's favourite green-skinned footballer before he proceeded to destroy them on the field of play with the same careless studied ease that he'd destroyed them on the field of debate.

Is there nothing this man cannot do? Where does he come from? What are the mysteries of his origin? This reporter is still dedicated to finding out.

Elves Security Forces

08-11-2008, 01:15

Valanora Times
If I Were An Immortal

When Soldarian FC won the recent Premiership season, folks in and around the captial where not surprised. The inner city side had been building up quite a roster while sticking to their grassroots by having a side that built upon home grown talent. They showed their capabilities by constantly coming in second in both league and cup play, usually against the more well known capital club of Raynor City United. It was then seen as a changing of the guard when the young starlet of Calla Soler, daughter of the Inaki Soler, was signed. Posssessing all the talent of her Vilitan father as well as his understanding, which was to be expected become the first foriegner to take charge of the Vanorian national team, she proved to be that "spark" that was missing. With their entire home grown starting eleven, they took the league by storm and edged out the Rockers to take home their first piece of silverware in the international era.

Not much was to be thought of their chances in the TQCC, as they had routinely gone out in either the group stage or first knockout stage. Afterall, there were still the likes of Petardos S/A, Raynor City, and the upstart Caires City to deal with once there. Luck seemed to be on the Silvermen's side, as the group they were placed in was of sides not quote of the pedigree of the Rockers and the like, but of sides still trying to make their foothold in international waters. With their only loss in the group stage away in Dancougar, the stage was set for the Soldars to make a point and get the respect that the EPL had seemed to lose over the last few TQCC's with a tie against a weakened Protectorate United of Ad'ihan to start the knockout round.

Soler and the seasoned veteran of Roger Zetaback would each net in the oppisite legs, while the backline kept things tidy in front of goal. It seems that even without the two stoic Starblaydi defenders, the defence is the stregnth of the side, as they progessed 2-1, to face Caires City in the Quarterfinals. Despite going up early against, the Soldars would fall 1-2 in the home leg. The deficit was huge, but all of a sudden when the lost Tobias Raynor showed up outside of the stadium just an hour prior to kickoff, it seemed to fuel the Soldars. Riding that emotion, the side reversed the fortunes of Caires in the opening leg, and showed nerves of steel during the penalty shootout, coming out close victors. Once again, all was thought lost for the Silvermen after the opening leg of the semifinals. Dropping their home leg 2-0 to a side from the UCS, the supporters were ready to welcome back the Soldars as heroes after was most likely going to be an ugly loss over in the UCS. It was an ugly loss, but not for Soldarian, but their hosts, as Soler put in the performance of her lifetime, getting a 'trick and the backline keeping the goosegg.

A short trip over to Cafundeu was the reward for the side, and the advantage was clearly with the Silvermen from the very begining. Zetaback opened up the scoring in the 2nd minute off a screamer from thirty yards that took the keeper by surprise and had the crowd screaming before everyone was even in their seats. Angelita Orion, the lone foriegner on the side, took advantage of Florin's suspension, with a goal of her own in 23rd minute. Soler then would cement the result on the edge of the half after Kiev was taken down in the box, converting the resulting penalty kick easily. Zetaback would add a second in the 81st, and the backline would finally give in at the 89th, but the Soldars didn't care. They had just won the TQCC, and then would eaily triumph of the GC winners of Likewell Kirk and the SBCC winners to take the Super Cup, being the first Premiership side to win either, immortalizing their spot in the history books.

Article my Manica Otari

Krytenia

08-11-2008, 01:41

You thought going out in the groups in your own country was bad?

How about withdrawing from a World Cup wou'd qualified for for what still appears to be no apparent reason?

You think that's the lowest?

No. You're wrong.

Krytenia stand now on the precipice. Breathing down their necks, the sanctimonious bastards from the Unholy See.

Our message to the Teams in Group Six, and the WCC President (an Orthodox monk, of course!) is simple.

Magna Sancta Sedes must not qualify for World Cup XLIII.

The fate of life, liberty, and the Secular Way depend on it.

I've been Rami Niblick...bonus noctis, canes.

Demot

08-11-2008, 01:51

Trian awoke to find a suspicious looking letter slipped under his door. Taking it to his desk, he calmly opened it after checking for any sort of weapon, bioligical or of other means.

To: Trian Falk
From: Isador Dominier
RE: Pardon

As you may or may not know sir, I am the next in line to take over the country when my good aunt either dies or is ruled unfit to rule. As such, I have at my disposal the power to grant you a full sweeping pardon for every crime you have ever commited here in the Calm Realm. I have personally reviewed your record and must say that I am impressed of how quickly and effortlessly you find yourself in situations that you are forced to display your skill at ending lives. I know of your past, of how your were the lone survivor of that bloody charge and how your best friend died in your hands as your tried to drag him to safety. You will have to realize that despite the appearances of being a calm, quiet, and peaceful nation, Demot is well equipped at the gathering of information, espicially information that we could use to our benifit.

Know that at any moment I could have your life ended by my own personal strike team. It is by my graciousness that your continue to live in my country, playing your role as the fishmongerer. I was content enough to keep it that way so long as you did not disturb the peace, or the your treachorios dealings in the past find their way into our country. However, that is exactly what has happened as my sources had indicated to me that a strike team of the infamous Vanorian secret police known as the Dark Bows entered the country last week in Bellwater. I know that you once murdered an entire family of one of their elite families, and that is why they are likely here now, searching for you.

It is then that I have decided to make an offer which I think will benifit us both. I would be willing to convince my aunt to adopt you into the Royal Family. You of course would not have any claim to the throne, but in doing such, you would be granted full diplomatic immunity for all the crimes you had ever commited. What I want from you is all the information you have ever gathered on nations inside AO and whatever weapons schematics you mighht have stolen in your travels. This deal will expire in five days time, make your choice assassain.

Elves Security Forces

08-11-2008, 01:54

MD12 Results (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14183057&postcount=15)

Qazox

08-11-2008, 04:40

QNN
Where News Happens

In front of almost 102,000 at Qazian Memorial Stadium, Qazox emphatically clinched its 9th consecutive World Cup berth with a 3-1 win over The Holy Empire. At halftime, the crowd was told that the Pheonix had already qualified even before the game started, due to a tiebreaker involving wins. But the damage to The Holy Empire was already done, as Qazox had a 3-0 lead. Only a 80th minute goal from Urko Urkes, kept the Imperials from being shutout.

Now with just 2 game left, both on the road, Qazox has very little to play for other than possible seeding in the Cup and for the Best overall Record.

The complete schedule and Results (Home games and Wins in BOLD):

MD1: @ Cokenia WIN 3-2 (Record: 1-0-0)
MD2: Swilatia WIN 5-0 (Record: 2-0-0)
MD3: @ Tortuga y Hispaniola WIN 3-2 (Record 3-0-0)
MD4: Az-cz WIN 6-3 (Record 4-0-0)
MD5: @ The Holy Empire LOSS 0-2 (Record 4-0-1)
MD6: Urna Eletrônica WIN 2-1 (Record 5-0-1)
MD7: Blouman Empire DRAW 1-1 (Record 5-1-1)
Friendly: defeated Vephrall 1-0 @ Valanora
MD8: Cokenia WIN 5-1 (Record 6-1-1)
MD9: @ Swilatia WIN 3-1 (Record 7-1-1)
MD10: Tortuga y Hispaniola W 3-1 (Record 8-1-1)
MD11: @ Az-cz DRAW 1-1 (Record 8-2-1) CLINCHED WORLD CUP BERTH
MD12: The Holy Empire WIN 3-1 (Record 9-2-1)
MD13: @ Urna Eletrônica
MD14: @ Blouman Empire

QAZOX SCORING today
Raul de Olivares- 22'
Brittany Lopes- 31' (PK)
David Shultz- 45+1'

QAZOX OVERALL SCORING
Charles Marquis- 10
Raul de Olivares- 9
Yolanda Christian- 6
Bonnie Young- 2
Jason Erca- 2
Brittany Lopes- 2
Benjamin Ernst- 1
Michelle de Barre- 1
Opal Howard- 1
Georgette Savoy- 1
David Shultz- 1

<Commercial break>

Early reports from a source within Sawed, finds that the Sawedi rulers are prepared to surrender, perhaps by Monday; while Certifiably insane's leaders are still debating their options. Only about 5 days remain on the Furhur's ultimatum, and so far there have been no terrorist attacks or responses from AMANDA.

Stay tuned to QNN for more news as it happens.

Prux

08-11-2008, 04:48

ESPN Journal of Sport
December 29th, 1944

Prux @ United Island Empires Game 12 of qualifying
by: Saul Werth

Zombie Ronaldo scored twice in the first half, giving Prux a 2-0 lead, but UIE drew even with 7 minutes to go. But a thunderous shot off the foot of Zombie Zinedine Zidane with just under 2 minutes left, pushed the Zombies to with in a point of qualifying for the next World Cup.

The next game is at West Zirconia, who are 5 points back, with just 2 to play. A win or a draw by Prux, and we are in the World Cup. If we lose, then it comes down to the final game at Kelssek.

MD1: vs. Bushdome W 3-1
MD2: vs. Thoughts of Randomness D 2-2
MD3: vs. Tynelia Lost 2-3
MD4: @ Yafor 2 D 1-1
MD5: vs. United Island Empires W 4-1
MD6: vs. West Zirconia W 3-1
MD7: vs. Kelssek W 2-0
QUALIFYING BREAK
MD8: @ Bushdome W 3-1
MD9: @ Thoughts of Randomness D 1-1
MD10: @ Tynelia L 0-4
MD11: vs. Yafor 2 D 1-1
MD12: @ United Island Empires W 3-2
MD13: @ West Zirconia
MD14: @ Kelssek

OVERALL: 6-4-2
HOME: 4-2-1
AWAY: 2-2-1
Projected: 8-3-3

Goal Scoring:
Zombie Ronaldo- 10
Zombie Just Fontaine- 5
Zombie Pelé- 5
Zombie Zinedine Zidane- 5

Green wombat

08-11-2008, 05:15

THE HEXAGON REPORT
It's News, Because We Say So!

A very very big win as now Group 7 is wide open, following the Wombats' 2-0 upset of Sorthern Northland. The top 5 teams in the group are separated by 3 points, with just 2 matches left. Let's take a quick look at what remains for each of the 5 teams:

The Archregimancy: (7-3-2 24pts)
vs. Onimar
vs. Jasiyun

Sorthern Northland: (7-1-4 22pts)
@ An Blascaod Mór
@ Valetaland

Jasiyun: (7-1-4 22pts)
@ Valetaland
@ The Archregimancy

Green Wombat: (6-3-3 21pts)
@ Nethertopia
@ Onimar

An Blascaod Mór: (7-0-5 21pts)
vs. Sorthern Northland
@ Nethertopia

The good news for Green wombat, the schedule favors them, as all of the other teams play at least one of the others. The 2nd easiest schedule seems to be The Archregimancy, as both of their games are at home. The toughest schedule seems to belong to Jasiyun, as they have to finish @ The Archregimancy.

SCHEDULE:
(NOTE: All home matches will be played at: Green wombat Field, aka: "The Barracks": The Hexagon. Capacity: 66,666.)
MD1: @ An Blascaod Mór WIN 2-1
MD2: vs Valetaland LOST 1-2
MD3: @ The Archregimancy Draw 1-1
MD4: vs Jasiyun/Jaseuyeon LOST 0-2
MD5: @ Sorthern Northland WIN 1-0
MD6: vs Nethertopia WIN 1-0
MD7: vs Onimar WIN 5-1
MD8: vs An Blascaod Mór LOST 0-2
MD9: @ Valetaland Draw 1-1
MD10: vs The Archregimancy Draw 2-2
MD11: @ Jasiyun/Jaseuyeon WIN 2-1
MD12: vs Sorthern Northland WIN 2-0
MD13: @ Nethertopia
MD14: @ Onimar
OVERALL RECORD: 6-3-3

The Post MD12 Ranks (1st Place Votes in Bold Italics)

TOP 15 POLL
(teams that have Qualified for the World Cup are in Purple)
Rank/Prev.
1/1 Bostopia 10-1-18
2/2 Jeruselem10-0-2 5
3/4 Qazox 9-2-1 1
4/5 Demot 9-2-1 1
5/8 Starblaydia 9-1-2
6/3 Tynelia 9-2-1
7/11 Cafundéu 9-1-2
8/9 Dancougar 8-2-2
9/12 Kura-Pelland 8-1-3
10/13 Yafor 2 8-2-2
11/6 Milchama 8-3-1
12/7 The Holy Empire 7-3-2
13/14 Candelaria And Marquez 8-2-2
14t/NR Daehanjeiguk 8-2-2
14t/NR Yafalonia and Bazor 2 8-1-3

FELL OUT:
#10 Bazalonia Lost at Jeru FC 1-2
#15 Sorthern Northland Lost to Green wombat 0-2

Tynelia finally lost, evening the Unbeaten pool in week 12. Bazalonia's loss to Jeru FC and our win over SN provided the lone changes in the Top 15, as Daehanjeiguk and Yafalonia and Bazor 2 tied for the 14th spot.

QUALIFIED TEAMS
13 teams in, and 17 spots remain.
Tynelia
Yafor 2
Bostopia
Bazalonia
Milchama
Qazox
Demot
Starblaydia
Dancougar
Jeruselem
Cafundéu
Candelaria And Marquez
Rennidan

The bottom 5 remains the same, excpeting MV, who had the worst loss of the week. There are still 5 winless wonders left.

BOTTOM FIVE
76: United Island Empires 0-3-9 -20GD
77: Magnus Valerius Lost 1-6 to Ad'ihan
78: Chutnusak 0-3-9 -18GD
79: Panuul 0-2-10 -22GD
80: Seventy Ninth Entrant 0-2-10 -22GD

Daehanjeiguk

08-11-2008, 05:34

Today, we don't have a sponsor, so we're giving out stress-relieving balls that you squeeze. Be careful! If you squeeze too hard, you'll kill it.

Most points earned (MD10): Tynelia (+14.74)

Most ranks earned (MD10): Ad’ihan, Cafundéu, Milchama (+3)

Most points earned (MD11): Bushdome (+19.06)

Most ranks earned (MD11): Rennidan, Septentrionia, Starblaydia, The Holy Empire (+3)

Most points earned (MD12): Miroxia (+19.20)

Most ranks earned (MD12): Capitalizt SLANI, Qazox (+4)

Congratulations to the winners!

And your updated MD12 ranks:

1 987.01 0 Bostopia
2 925.11 3 Cafundéu
3 922.03 -1 Tynelia
4 921.96 0 Starblaydia
5 919.29 2 The Archregimancy
6 916.87 -3 Valanora
7 916.28 -1 Jeruselem
8 904.01 4 Capitalizt SLANI
9 903.95 2 Demot
10 903.09 -2 Milchama
11 901.84 -2 Daehanjeiguk
12 899.62 1 Candelaria And Marquez
13 893.95 4 Qazox
14 892.43 1 Yafor 2
15 891.14 3 Dancougar
16 883.32 3 Ad’ihan
17 881.43 -7 Bazalonia
18 875.02 -2 Wentland
19 871.99 -5 The Holy Empire
20 848.96 0 Lovisa
21 843.97 2 Jasīʼyūn
22 840.12 0 Vephrall
23 836.11 1 Kura-Pelland
24 831.36 -3 Sorthern Northland
25 821.52 0 Taeshan
26 814.81 1 Septentrionia
27 811.51 2 Rennidan
28 810.84 0 Yafalonia and Bazor 2
29 808.05 -3 Krytenia
30 807.72 0 Prux
31 807.25 0 Az-cz
32 801.19 1 Jeru FC
33 787.33 -1 Blouman Empire
34 772.24 0 Kelssek
35 769.59 1 Magna Sancta Sedes
36 768.69 -1 Newmanistan
37 763.59 0 Quakmybush
38 747.28 0 Green wombat
39 717.81 1 Terreiro de Ogum
40 713.69 -1 KaMaRi
41 691.37 2 Kenavt
42 687.11 -1 The Macabees
43 675.09 -1 Land de Wood
44 673.74 0 Kosovoe
45 657.03 0 An Blascaod Mor
46 654.26 0 West Zirconia
47 620.68 1 Arroza
48 618.07 -1 Liventia
49 602.10 1 Universitus University
50 599.41 1 Greal
51 583.85 -2 Magnus Valerius
52 570.45 0 Glaycia
53 566.66 0 Urna Eletrônica
54 547.62 0 Myedvedeya
55 533.30 0 Cokenia
56 518.24 1 Nethertopia
57 516.77 -1 Secristan
58 510.67 0 Cassadaigua
59 506.26 0 Linpada
60 460.36 0 Thoughts of Randomness
61 449.69 1 Bushdome
62 446.25 -1 The Islands of Qutar
63 437.29 0 Kjomasasopia
64 413.13 0 Dariusville
65 410.97 0 Docky
66 396.18 2 Alversia
67 393.22 0 Valetaland
68 391.58 -2 Tortuga y Hispaniola
69 374.68 0 Deceased Writers Guild
70 366.56 0 Colbourne
71 294.55 0 Vlaskin
72 113.17 0 Saturday Sport
73 103.93 0 Viltek
74 93.81 1 Miroxia
75 68.41 3 Swilatia
76 68.10 0 The Bostopian Empire
77 64.21 -3 Australiah
78 50.57 -1 Panuul
79 47.96 2 Onimar
80 46.58 0 United Island Empires
81 45.38 -2 Chutnusak
82 13.35 0 Seventy Ninth Entrant

Notes:

* Ranks only include teams participating in the World Cup!
* All zero-ranked (0) teams were given a uniform 100 score.

Magna Sancta Sedes

08-11-2008, 05:35

World Cup 43 Qualification - Group 6
RQ1: ---
MD1: @ (10) Han 0-3
MD2: vs (31) Krytenia 2-0
MD3: @ (118) Dariusville 1-1
MD4: vs (66) Greal 3-0
MD5: @ (159) Vlaskin 1-0
MD6: vs (165) Seventy Ninth Entrant 1-0
MD7: @ (19) Demot 0-1
MQ1: ---
MD8: vs (10) Han 5-1
MD9: @ (31) Krytenia 0-0
MD10: vs (118) Dariusville 2-0
MD11: @ (66) Greal 1-2
MD12: vs (159) Vlaskin 2-0
MD13: @ (165) Seventy Ninth Entrant
MD14: vs (19) Demot

Cardinal Stephanus Gim Su-hwan was reading the reports again. I swear, it's all he does. Except when he's not reading the reports - then he's writing reports. It's a rather boring and dull job. But on a few occasions, he gets the opportunity to exercise a little more power than what his job really entails. As the reader of reports coming into MSS, he knows what's going on outside the realm, so he was the first to read the report about people complaining about the MSS team.

"Apparently, the Greal folk have resorted to wearing sunglasses when playing," the Cardinal explained to the Pope. "And as you can see, it worked. They only won 2-1, but they won nonetheless. What if people start wearing sunglasses to these games?"

"They already are," the Pope said.

"We should petition to the WCC - tell them that sunglasses are forbidden on the pitch!"

"Well, try explaining that to an Orthodox monk. He'll probably mandate the wearing of sunglasses."

"I suppose they are like that. Anyway, whatever happened to the person who was supposed to be Sancta Papa Pediludii?"

"Oh, didn't you hear?" the Pope said. "You are the SPP."

"Me?" Stephanus said. "How am I Sancta Papa Pediludii?"

"Well, we decided that you were the best person for the job. So theoretically, you could mandate people to not use sunglasses during football matches."

"Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...."

"Don't think too long, you might hurt your head."

The Cardinal retired to his inner quarters, and began the second part of his job - writing reports.

============

Mandate by His Holiness the Holy Father of Football, Stephanus Gim Su-hwan

Be it here said that all football players shall abstain from the use of sunglasses by mandate of His Holiness, the Holy Father of Football, in the Righteous Stead as WCC Chief Executive, whereby the Heretics of Constantinople are not recognized by the Holy Apostolic Institution and hence their heretic chief executive is a pretender to the position.

Hence, all righteous WCC members shall abide by this mandate.

Daehanjeiguk

08-11-2008, 06:03

Jeruselem

08-11-2008, 06:32

To: Merginn Moffat, Southern Northland World Cup 43 coach
From: Monique Alexander, Jeruselem World Cup 43 coach

Dear Merginn Moffat

I see your team lost to Green Wombat today. At this time of the World Cup 43, losing to finals rivals like Green Wombat is not a good thing. Still you have two games left. My team have qualified but then that was really in doubt since started our winning streak.

I know a lot of Jeruselem especially a certain family don't want to see SN make the finals but I think SN can make the finals. I was looking at Group 7 and it's damn close with 5 teams within one win of each other. I think the Monks and SN will be in the finals. I know your team are bunch of hooligans but they are doing well. There's hope yet for SN as Bazalonia got beaten by Jeru FC today.

I want to see Jeruselem, Jeru FC and Southern Northland in the finals. SN are a Jeruselem team because you're the coach. I hope the boys at SN do well and make the finals although we'd like to avoid your team in the group stage.

I know your guys like alcohol and loose women. I'm sending a video called "Club Party" starring myself when I was a lot younger. You do know I was an porn star in my younger years but these days I'm just a single Mum with two kids. You also know my best friend is Dazza Dallas too. I'm one of the female bartenders in the video. Please don't ask about one gets laid by four guys behind the bar. It's just my job at the time.

Anyway, good luck Merginn. Dazza even thinks SN can make finals even though she doesn't like the team as such.

I must write to Ryan Greenly now. Jeru FC are in a grim fight to keep their 3rd spot. The Jeruselem FA helped our army team but halving ticket prices for all the home Jeru FC games to encourage locals to turn up and support Jeru FC. We also put on some cheerleaders (actually pole dancing girls from one of Dazza's clubs) for the Jeru FC team since the army is too stingy to pay for any cheerleaders. I've seen army cheerleaders, they are "crap" as Dazza would say. If you look closely, one of those cheerleaders during the Jeru FC home game is my daughter.

Moany

Taeshan

08-11-2008, 06:37

Tragedy Strikes Taeshan. Purple Knights Tie Kosovoe

Oh god, oh god i can't breath. How has the world come to such an utter tragic occurence. The Knights could not defeat there big Blue Tornado rivals at home in front of 100 of thousands of fans. It is truly, and epicly tragic. The Knights could have furthered there chances of qualification, but now are 3rd in Group 1. Wentland just behind, with those slanis and Yafolonia just ahead. Next the Knights face Panuul and hopefully they will gain vengeance for such a tragedy.

West Zirconia

08-11-2008, 13:12

From: The Most Revd Aaron Price, Archbishop of Moorcroft
To: Father Polycarp the Venerable

Dear Father Polycarp,

Thank you for your recent enquiry. Unfortunately I regret to inform you that we are not of the Orthodox branch - secretly or otherwise. In my letter to Bishop Fox, I was using the term Divine generally, to refer to liturgy used in the worship of God within a Divine Service, rather than to any specific liturgy, such as that by St. John Chrysostom.

I was simply attempting to defend my use of a sacred liturgy in a place that is not formally consecrated - in this case, in the Manchester Street football stadium. It would appear that Bishop Fox has very strong views as to where such liturgy can and cannot be used, whereas my opinion is that we must bring the Church to the people rather than expect them to come to us.

Perhaps I may ask your opinion on the use of sacred liturgy in such an avowedly secular - even idolatrous, according to Bishop Fox - location?

Yours in Christ,

+Aaron Moorcroft

Newmanistan

08-11-2008, 13:53

THE ROCKET REPORT

HOPE SURVIVES

Putnam Lake, Newmanistan- No one is going to say that the Rockets performance against Alversia was the best out of any during the qualifying campaign, but the end result was about as sweet as could be. In every qualifying effort, there has been one home game played in Putnam Lake, and each time, Newmanistan has ended up victorious. Today, it was the fourth win, a 3-2 victory over Alversia that was much closer then we would have liked, but three points is three points, and right now that’s what the Empire needed. They also needed help from Dancougar. The Black Wings needed to win in Lovisa. They did, by the score of 2-0. Newmanistan now is two points out of the all-important third place transfer spot with Glaycia and Dancougar rounding out the schedule. Lovisa will be at home against the Bostopian Empire and then finishes off in Starblaydia.

There could be no slip up against Alversia, a team residing in the cellar of the Group 8 standings for the entire qualifying campaign. When they met back in Matchday 5, Newmanistan definitely escaped with a 1-nil victory, a goal that came off a very unlikely foot, that of defender Scott LaFave. In that game, the Rockets were playing without Brett Prescott and Shawn Drummond as well as it being the first game that Corey Hennis missed after breaking his leg late in matchday four. Today, there would be no such excuse as they would have their top lineup, and Chris Kusler has certainly become more comfortable playing in net. Also, Kusler would be playing in his house tonight, just like Jeremy McAllister, as both are members of the Putnam Lake Eagles. The Rockets got off to a quick start, wanting to put the visitors away very quickly. This led to a costly turnover when a Brett Prescott pass to Dale Stevens was severely underkicked, leading to rather easy interception by Alversia’s top midfield threat. Their forward along the right wing read the interception very well, and received the pass well for a run on net. This was Michael Harrison’s man, and Harrison attempted to step up to trap the play offsides, but in the eyes of the linesman, he was late in doing so, and the play allowed to continue. With Kusler at his mercy, the shooter shot the ball inside the far left post to put Alversia up 1-nil in still the games 4th minute. It could not have been any worse. Naturally, this gave the Alversians confidence that we would have preferred them not to have, and they began to play very conservatively. For the fans in the stands, visions of another choke job danced in their heads. The stadium was silent and needing a spark as the early minutes ticked away. In the 20th minute, Dale Stevens laid out an Alversian midfielder with a major tackle that leave him laying on the sun-drenched Putnam Lake pitch. The fans rose to their feet and cheered. The referee ran over and pulled a yellow card out of his pocket. As the Alversian player had to be carried off the field (and was immediately substituted for), the Rockets fans were up and chanting again. If this had been a Brett Prescott tackle, it would have been less of a surprise. But it was a 16, and not a 17 that made this play, and the fans applauded Stevens for it. With Putnam Lake rocking, Newmanistan got smarter in their play, and quickly got the equalizer in the 25th minute. The goal scorer, Putnam Lake’s own Jeremy McAllister would keep the crowd excited. A great display of individual ball control skills were demonstrated by McAllister, making two Alversian defenders look quite silly before he fired a thunderous shot by the Alversian keeper to make the score become all level at one. But the momentum did not die. A quick interception of a pass at midfield by Alex Parnett set up another chance. Parnett hooked up with McAllister again, who again looked great with the ball. J-Mac, this time pass the ball over to Brett Carlson, who roofed the shot just underneath the crossbar in the 28th minute to make 2-1 in favor of Newmanistan. Much better, thought the fans. The Rockets got a couple more chances in minutes running in the 30's, but could not find the back of the net again. What they did do is dominate possession in this span, and head into intermission with the one goal lead.

What we saw in the first half was an example of quick the tide of a match can change, and Brian Carson made sure his team was aware that Alversia could just as easily do the same thing, especially if they got an early second half goal much like they got an early first half tally. The Rockets were aware they only played 25 minutes of good football so far, and that they would do better to maintain this lead. They were happy, though, with the way they bounced back, and every player made sure to give Dale Stevens a high-five both on the way into the locker room and on the way back out. The yellow card never looked so good as it got the team fired up. Before going out on the pitch, Brian Carson checked his cellphone for the Dancougar-Lovisa score. Carson did not allow the score to be displayed anywhere at Putnam Lake Stadium as he wanted his team to remain focused on the game. He grinned as he made his way back to the field and winked to cameras who were well aware that he was checking that score.

Newmanistan began the second half in a conservative fashion, but not because they were going to go in a protect the lead mode already. Since the team had been bitten quickly in the first half with an aggressive style, they just needed to remain adherent to the fundamentals of the game. The crowd with had been deafening since the 20th minute, obviously had died down from halftime, and the players knew they had to get them a chance to return from the concession stands to get all vocal again. They were confident playing like this, and did so for about fifteen minutes before the crowd may have begun to realize that this was still a one goal game and got a little antsy. The cheering and chanting for a third goal began and Brian Carson signaled for the team to get more aggressive. In the 65th minute, Jeremy McAllister had a great opportunity for a goal, but the keeper made the save but could not control it, so here came the corner kick. Dale Stevens overshot McAllister and Drummond, and here came.... wait, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?! Scott LaFave, the very unlikely goal scoring hero in the away game against Alversia pinched up again, seeing perhaps what he saw when scoring off the corner kick in that game. Perhaps, Stevens did not overshoot McAllister and Drummond at all! Nope, this was a designed play from the beginning! Designed for LaFave to score in the same way as he did before. The play was executed perfectly and LaFave made it count, firing it past the keeper for his surprising second goal of qualifying, and the Rockets were now up 3-1 with the 66th minute score. Alversia never saw it coming, although really, they probably should have if they did any significant scouting for this game at all. With the two goal advantage, the Rockets went back into a conservative mode, and the fans anticipated victory. This Alversia team, just was not going to allow things to be that easy. In the 76th minute, as Carson was preparing to get some defensive substitutions on the pitch, the Alversians made a swift charge on net, and scored on a nice strike by their center attacking midfielder, the guy that had the assist on the first goal. Now, that LaFave play was looking a lot bigger, and the final moments would be a lot more nerve-rattling then they would have liked. But the Rockets held off Alversia quite well, and with the mild exception of an 82nd minute chance, Alversia never really threatened for a tying goal. In fact, the late stages looked more like the Rockets would increase their lead back to two more then anything else.

With the victory, the players headed off the field and immediately wanted to know what the score of the Dancougar- Lovisa game. The score of that match obviously very critical to the Rockets chances. The game had ended and the locker room burst into cheers as the 2-0 Dancougar victory flashed before their eyes. There’s still hope.

Here is some post-game reaction:

Carson: “We played well, and better then the margin of victory would indicate. In stretches, we weren’t at our best, but we used home field advantage to our benefit. Putnam Lake has great fan support, as obviously we know J-Mac is an icon here more then he is anywhere else in the country, but the fans appreciate the efforts of all our players. We still believe we can get this done.”

Brooker: “A good game by us, and Dale definitely was the man that got it all started with that big hit, because I think for a moment there was a nervous feeling hovering over the stadium. We did a fantastic job limiting their chances, and are quite happy with this result.”

Kusler: “J-Mac told me how great it would be to play in front of the home crowd here in Putnam Lake. I was really looking forward to it, and perhaps I was a little too jazzed up when they got the quick goal, but after that I am pleased with my performance.”

Stevens: “The stadium was dead. It needed a lift. Those are the things you do when you are at home in an important game and things are beginning to look as they might not go your way. We needed an momentum shift. I hate to hurt a guy, but he was in the wrong place at the wrong time, and it’s the best yellow card I’ve gotten in my career.”

McAllister: “I love playing here as a Rocket and not just as an Eagle. The family can come out and not have to travel, and I think it’s pretty cool that we are still perfect in home games played here. We got a win that we really needed, and we got the help that we really needed. Now we need to all remember that our next game is against Glaycia. We cannot be looking forward to Dancougar.”

NEWMANISTAN 3
McAllister (25')
Carlson (28')
LaFave (66')

ALVERSIA 2
?? (4')
?? (76')

Dancougar

08-11-2008, 20:06

Dancougar News!! Road Report
Less spam, just as filling!

Wings qualify with road shutout: Black Wing fans have experienced an emotional roller coaster ride throughout the qualification tournament. Jubilation at first, as they piled up twelve goals in their first two matches. Worrisome jitters after road losses of Myedvedeya and Glaycia. Panic when those road losses came before trips to group leaders Starblaydia and Lovisa. And now, finally, joy and relief. Solomon Bilbao has done the business - the Wings defeated Lovisa 2-0 last night for their second straight road win, and fourth straight overall, to reach 26 points and safety.

Benjamin Whittaker got the game winning goal in the 29th minute on a free kick. It looked like he was trying to link up with Shishio Jinguuji inside the box, but the ball got there before he did. Uninterrupted, the ball continued on its path into the far corner, as the 'keeper dove too late. Insurance was added by Kevin Underwood in the 73rd, who hit home from the top of the 18th. The Black Wing midfield was also responsible for controlling the passing lanes which denied Lovisa a chance to equalize, although Yuji Watanabe certainly didn't have a day off at the back.

Matchday thirteen preview: v Alversia (1-2-9): Alversia remain on the road, and will travel from Newmanistan to Dancougar. Starblaydia are purring and seem uncatchable at this point, although the Wings need at least one more point to clinch second place. They should be able to do that much against the basement-dwelling Alversians, although Solomon Bilbao says that the two-game cushion will give him a chance to start more of his bench players. We expect to see more of guys like Brad Leeds, Alexei Voronzoff, and Augustine Dennin over the next two games. Prediction: Alversia 1 @ Dancougar 1. We've noticed that the team performs much better when we don't predict wins.

Group 8 roundup: Rockets still alive: So far, they're getting the scenario they wanted. Dancougar's win over Lovisa, coupled with the Rockets' nail-biter against Alversia, has tightened the race for the final qualifying spot. Lovisa sit third on 21 points; Newmanistan are up to 19. Lovisa have the head-to-head tiebreaker, so the pressure is on the Rockets, who must take the lead on points. We favor both in their games tonight, and if those results hold, then the top four teams will settle their differences on the last day and determine the final qualifier.

The Archregimancy

08-11-2008, 20:29

THE EPISTLES OF POLYCARP

Polycarp’s Letter to the Krytenians

Dear secularists of Krytenia: greetings

I recently came across in my in-tray a message from the Krytenian Football Association insisting – nay demanding – that I take every possible measure to stop the schismatic from Magna Sancta Sedes from qualifying from the World Cup.

Though my spirit is lightened by the Archregimancy’s thumping victory over Valetaland, much as it pains me to support those freemason-sodomising schismatics, I regret that were I to intervene in this matter, it might be considered by some nations to be dishonest and to set a bad precedent. I remind you of how Simeon and Levi deceived the Shechemites, promising to let them join with them as one people if only they would agree to be circumcised, before slaughtering the lot of them anyway. Would I not become as Simeon and Levi if I were to assist you in qualifying above the heretics in return for some small payment, only then to wish defeat upon you in the World Cup proper?

So while I wish you all the best in the remaining qualification matches – and will indeed be praying for you to finish ahead of the schismatics – I regret I cannot intervene further.

Yours in Christ,

Fr. Polycarp the Venerable
First Hierarch of the World Cup Committee

Polycarp’s Letter to the heretic Stephanus, so-called ‘Holy Father of Football’ and claimant to the title of First Hierarch

Dear silly people: greetings

A ban on sunglasses? I haven’t laughed so hard since I last heard a Catholic defend the monarchical claims to papal primacy.

Yours in Christ

Fr. Polycarp the Venerable
First Hierarch of the World Cup Committee

Polycarp’s Second Letter to the West Zirconians

To Aaron Price, so-called Archbishop of Moorcroft

Sir, while it pains me to hear that you are not a bishop of the Orthodox Church, and I therefore cannot recognise your title of Archbishop without risking committing the sin of false ecumenicism, I am happy to give you an opinion on whether it is appropriate or not to hold a Divine service in a football stadium.

And I rejoice to tell you that I see absolutely nothing wrong with this. Why, we hold the full Divine Liturgy before every single home match, and the opening ceremony of World Cup 28, co-hosted by ourselves, consisted largely of a co-patriarchal liturgy by the patriarchs of the Holy Empire and New Montreal States. So long as said liturgy is carried out in an appropriate spirit of reverence, then of course you may hold it in a stadium. Naturally, holding the liturgy in a church is preferable, if only because of the problems we always have in setting up the iconostasis in front of the goal in such a way that the attending fans are all sitting in front of it, but as you are not Orthodox yourself, you may not have to face this particular hurdle.

Yours in Christ

Fr. Polycarp the Venerable
First Hierarch of the World Cup Committee

Kura-Pelland

08-11-2008, 20:29

That'll do it. A 1-0 win in Secristan effectively secures Kura-Pelland's place in Valanora and Vephrall - all fans will want to see them in the latter country - with Prince Ogunde the hero with his late winner, the second time Secristan have been seen off only very late.

Earlier came the Chutnusak game. The steroidal visitors were even more pumped-up in every sense of the word than they were at home, and Kura-Pelland looked lost in their new formation. Chutnusak even came close to taking the lead when Jean-Claude Van Damme hit the post, but the goal Shanvley craved came on the hour when Van Damme bought down Massimo Iampietro and Harry Oughton's 30-yard free-kick spun and dived dramatically into the top corner. From then, Chutnusak posed little threat, and both Oughton and Ogunde missed very good chances to secure the victory that fortunately proved not to be costly.

While qualification is not a mathematical lock, it is effectively utterly secure, so Kura-Pelland are likely to try further experimentation with personnel, although probably not formation after the Chutnusak game's failure in that department.

Candelaria And Marquez

08-11-2008, 20:38

“…an’t control it, back to Mengucci… Mengucci gives it away again! Well that’s just terrible, it really is… Adam Lavigne loses out to Steven Williams, it comes back to Sbaïz. But that’s just not acceptable, John, surely? Against better opposition, you can’t keep giving the ball away like that!”

“No…”

“Kortsarian has it on the left… A disappointing game for him, really, given his recent heights. I can see González warming up, in fact, and you’d have to say his own international career is still very much alive… Madeira Lobos, leaves it for Corradini, onto Kortsarian, C&M making progress here, past Craig Daniels… Foul by Craig Daniels! Yellow card there surely…”

“It is, but it’s pleasing they haven’t resorted to those kinds of spoiling tactics too often, isn–”

“Oh, what a waste! Kortsarian, it’s just high and wide, dear me… Honestly…”

“Mm…”

“Goal kick from Williams then… The substitute Williams wins the header with Corradini in the centre of the park, tries to play in Highfield, rolls back to Steven Williams… Too many Williamses… Out to Adekunde, this is patient build-up, but you’d like to see C&M just up the tempo a little against these part-timers, wouldn’t you?”

“Not especially, John.”

“Um… Well, Corrad–”

“I mean, really! This is a well-drilled opponent, the only games they ever play are with each other, they’ve got an experienced manager…”

“They’re Kura-Pellandi, John… Anything less than six-nil would be embarrassing… Cohen… That’s a poor cross, he ju–”

“I just don’t see why you have to be so overwhelming negative all the time! They’re one-nil up, Ibadulla’s got his goal, there’s still twenty minutes left to play… Just stop fretting, look on the bright side of life for a change…”

“Burgess back to Ronson, Ibadulla can’t quite get there…”

“I mean, for heaven’s sake! D’you not know how annoying it is, you treating every misplaced pass like it’s a personal slight?! I didn’t want to say this, John, especially on your birthday and all, but everyone thinks you’re shite. Nobody likes you, John.”

“Dionísio can’t quite thread it through to the Juavi forward…”

“In fact, you know when you had that heart bypass? You do realise that everyone back home was thinking, ‘Tell you what, won’t it be great if he dies and RZA get a brand new commentator for C&M internationals?’”

“A bit of head tennis here, Cohen taking control…”

“When that stand collapsed, and everyone was secretly thinking, ‘Is that were they stick the commentary booth?’”

“Cohen into the box, cleared by Shaftesbury, but only as far a– DIIIIIIIIOOOONÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍSIOOOOO!!!!!”

“Superb goal!”

“C&M two, Saturday Sport nil… Game over, baby! Dionísio Madeira Lobos scores once again, wonderful play from Cohen… Terrible defending though, looking at it again…”

“Did you just hear nothing I just said?!”

“Er… No, sorry. My little earpiece fell out, what…?”

“It doesn’t matter…”

“Cheer up, John, they’re two-nil up! And that, surely, with barely quarter of an hour to go, must be C&M on the way to their fourth World Cup finals… Cassadaigua losing in Jey as we speak anyway, that result would actually render the result of this game meaningless, but we’re basically there! Not by any means the most impressive display in blue and green we’ve ever seen, but the top three look pretty much sewn up in Group Ten… General feelings, John?”

“Um… Cheerfulness, zest, relief, optimism, nervousness, joviality, elation, contentment, excitement, zeal, pride, jollit–”

“Cunningham and Robin Jacobs coming on for the goalscorers in a moment… Can you be a little more specific, John?”

“Overall, it hasn’t been bad. They’re a hardy little outfit; they were always going to put up a fight – especially being basically Kura-Pellandi, as you say. And, y’know, we’ve seen in this campaign that it really is possible for these tiny countries to compete on something akin to a level… Cohen allowing it to roll out of play, there… to a level playing-field. You only need look at An Blascaod Mór – poor result for them today, but qualification still isn’t out of the question, by the looks of it.”

“We should do that, y’know. Stick in Cabrera Island, or something…”

“That’d be terribly derivative though, John.”

“Yes… Alth… Ooh… Into Cunningham, and that’s three! That’s more like it!”

“Beautiful finish, John!”

“IT’S AAAAAALLLLL GONE JUST A LI’L BIT CRAZY!!! Ambassador Sharpley, with this defence, you are spoiling us!! Saturday Sport nil, C&M three! Well John, they’re not really used to watching big wins at the Kaleta Online Dome at the moment, but if this carries on C&M should be able to match the four-nil beating of the Nires from the last time the Big Blues played here…”

“They won’t, though.”

“Er. No?”

“Nah. I’ve already checked the scores thread.”

“Oh.”

“Time dilation an’ that, y’know?”

“Yes… Well, there we go then. Three-nil, and it’s basically all over here, and they’re just going through the motions… Um. Gosh, well. What else can I tell you? You’d imagine that Healy will change things when Cassadaigua visit the Solidarity Stadium now, probably give Currey a go in goal, you think? Maybe give Jacobs and González starts? Um. The Yaforites have just beaten Tynelia, so that’s them qualified… Um. There’s a small risk of tornadoes tonight, so… Wrap up warm, everybody. Um.”

“It’s dull when you already know the score, isn’t it?”

“Indeed. A real flaw with this entire concept, when one thinks about it.”

“Yeah.”

“Aye.”

“We can probably stop speaking in italics, too, don’t you think?”

“Aye.”

Elves Security Forces

08-11-2008, 23:01

MD13 Results (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14186416&postcount=16)

Alasdair I Frosticus

08-11-2008, 23:04

URKES

By James Joyces

Stately, lithe Urko Urkes came out of the tunnel, bearing a football on which leather panels lay crossed. A yellow football kit, ungirdled, was sustained upon him on the mild afternoon air. He held the ball aloft and intoned:

—Introibo ad altare Dei.

Halted, he peered down onto the pitch and called out coarsely:

—Come up, Qazox! Come up, you fearful Pheonix!

Solemnly he walked forward and reached the round centre circle. He faced about and blessed gravely thrice the crowd, the surrounding land and the awaking fans. Then, catching sight of the opposition, he bent towards them and made rapid crosses in the air, gurgling in his throat and shaking his head. The opposition, displeased and roused, leaned their arms on the top of the bench and looked coldly at the shaking gurgling greenish face that blessed him, equine in its length, and at the light untonsured hair, grained and hued like pale courgette.

Urko Urkes peeped an instant around the ground and then placed the ball smartly.

—Back to the match! he said sternly.

He added in a preacher's tone:

—For this, O dearly beloved, is the genuine Christine: body and soul and blood and ouns. Slow music, please. Shut your eyes, gents. One moment. A little trouble about those white corpuscles. Silence, all.

He peered sideways up and the referee gave a long slow whistle, then paused awhile in rapt attention, his even white teeth glistening here and there with gold points. Two strong shrill whistles from the linesmen answered through the calm.

—Thanks, old chaps, he cried briskly. That will do nicely.

He skipped around the pitch and looked gravely at the watching crowd, gathering about his legs the loose ball of the game. The lithe shadowed face and sullen greenish jowl recalled a prelate, patron of arts in the middle ages. A pleasant smile broke quietly over his lips.

But it did not last long, for Qazox won the match 3-1. Bastards.

ooc - and if I hadn't gone to the trouble of finding Ulysses on Project Gutenberg, wouldn't have missed that cut off by 3 measly minutes....

Newmanistan

08-11-2008, 23:42

With the next game on the beaches of Southport, many of the players have brought their families (the ones with families) to the game. After the “big” Rockets are done with their morning training session, the kids are out to get their turn.

McAllister: Brett, why do your kids play so rough?

Brooker: Would you expect his kids to play any differently, come on now!

Prescott: Billy’s got a real nasty streak, the kids at his school constantly right to me and my wife that he really needs to be nicer and stop being such a bully.

Brooker: How old is Billy?

Prescott: He’s ten.

Brooker: Looks like he could be playing in the next Di Bradini Cup with his size.

McAllister: WOOHOO! You see that sweet move. Junior just finessed his way past Billy Prescott.

Prescott: I’m sure he was just being nice, and besides, you need to work on Junior’s finishing.

McAllister: He’s getting there. Hey Drummy, you need kids!

Drummond: I don’t think so. Never!

McAllister: You ever going to settle down, man?

Drummond: Nope, actually I’m about to head out with Scott LaFave and Brett Carlson out to beach and see if we can score a quick one before the game.

Prescott: Shawn, I’ll put this nicely. You’re 31, they’re 20.

McElroy: That’s it Jennifer, take Junior McAllister out! Woohoo!

McAllister: Damn, your girl plays like a Prescott. Next thing you know she’s gonna start fighting with Brett’s daughter.

Prescott: Brittany Prescott would take Jennifer McElroy. Easy.

Drummond: Uhh yeah. So this is why I should have kids, to stand out here and wonder who’s kid could beat up who’s?

McAllister: Yes! Brooker, you’re daughter is too soft.

Brooker: She hates football, I can’t get her into it. Anyway I would take Brittany Prescott in a fight. They’re both the same age right?

Prescott: Brittany’s seven.

McElroy: So’s Jennifer, and she would have home field advantage. Your kids were born in Cafundeu.

Prescott: Yeah, that part of it sucks. Having to go through the whole citizenship thing with them, but hey, maybe they could pick between them one day.

Drummond: Well anyway, I’m out, you guys have fun I’ll be back for the evening session.

McAllister: Later.

Prescott: So are these the kids that will win the World Cup for Newmanistan one day?

McElroy: I would love for that but I couldn’t put too much pressure on her. She likes football but I don’t want her to feel she has to do it. For me it was all about having fun.

McAllister: Junior already wants to be a football player.

Prescott: Well, he’s three, he doesn’t exactly know what else is out there.

McAllister: Nah, I can just see it, I can see how much he loves it and how there’s that desire with him. Same thing with Billy Prescott, I can tell he wants to be like you.

Prescott: Well I will say this, your son is better then any three year old I have seen. He got the good genes from you.

Brooker: My daughter got the play with dolls and look like a princess genes.

McAllister: Well you guys got time to try again.

Brooker: I love her to death, but she will most certainly not be a football player.

Prescott: Yeah we can kinda tell that.

McElroy: Jeremy, I just hope you don’t put too much pressure on your son. You’re footsteps are especially big for him to have to follow. If he wants to, that’s great, but it has to be his decision. Same with Billy Prescott, Brett.

Prescott: Oh don’t worry Jules, Billy loves football. If anything I have to get his mind off it, not on it. Brittany loves it too, I can see them both playing.

McAllister: His name isn’t Jeremy McAllister, Jr, for nothing Julie.

McElroy: That alone is a lot of pressure.

McAllister: Yes, but I always thrived under it.

McElroy: Well I’d love to see you be right.

McAllister: Alright let’s go get our kids before Billy Prescott bullies all of them.

Prescott: Go get ‘em Billy!

(OOC: This was intended to beat the cutoff, so read in a pre-Glaycia match context. And it means I have one more for the Dancougar game.... which I'll need).

Panuul

09-11-2008, 01:44

The Daily Northerner
Serving Cimnersog since 1728

Deus ex machina
Flentang Smait

The manager of the Panuul national team made a slight change to his lineup prior to the Taeshan game, starting Urkero Lit in place of striker Flentang Kentisesh. Nobody really thought much of it, though it did seem a little odd. After all, none of the assembled media (which is to say, yours truly) had ever heard of the guy. He doesn't play for DFE Cimnersog, or any other club in the newly-reorganized Cintrin D West, or anywhere else in the Vephrese league system for that matter.

He just kinda came out of nowhere.

And what he did for this team...I can't even begin to describe it.

Panuul had lost ten of its first twelve competitive matches, and hadn't won one yet. Taeshan was third in the group, two points behind group leaders Yafalonia and Bazor 2, and had lost just once. The game was in Taeshan. Panuul did not have a prayer.

Until Urkero Lit stepped onto the pitch.

I can't even explain what he did. It simply defies words. You'll really need to see it for yourself. (I think they're showing the match again on BCN2 tonight at 2 a.m.)

All I know is, when it was all over, I was staring at the scoreboard in utter disbelief.

Taeshan nil, Panuul...four.

Yes, four.

That's nearly half as many goals as we'd scored in the previous twelve matches combined.

Have I mentioned that Taeshan is a top 40 team?

Yeah.

So, the question now is, who the hell is this Urkero Lit? Why have we never seen him before? Will he continue to play for Panuul in the future? Just what is this man capable of?!

Only time will tell.

FINAL SCORE
Taeshan 0
PANUUL 4 (U. Lit 13, 28, 54, 79)

Krytenia

09-11-2008, 01:54

Dear Fr. Polycarp,

Thank you for your recent correspondence, which appears to have found its way to me via a certain reporter (whose name I shall not mention, though it rhymes with "biblick").

I understand your inability to assist in this situation. Your situation is that you must take the lesser of two evils, and alas, this means that we here must have faith in God, Allah, Ganesh, Margaret, the Great Green Vegetable, or whatever deity or otherwise each individual worships. And is that not the message you and your most venerable countrymen attempt to convey? Faith?

I, personally, shall be praying at my local church for the team of Demot shall help to purge those of Magna Sancta Sedes of the sins of pride and vanity that they currently carry upon their shoulders. Anglicans such as myself are rather few (or at least not overtly well-represented) within the footballing community, so I would be interested if you knew others who practised this quirksome branch of the Christian faith.

Sincerely,
Gabriel Jonah Kennedy
KFA Chairman

Taeshan

09-11-2008, 02:05

I Would have to agree with you on what you said in your article in the Daily Northerner. It occured to me also that this loss for the Taeshani is an epic blow on there Home Field. It is truly a tragedy over here in Taeshan, but as you guys won, somehow by Four Goals to a team way better, and more expierienced(and also who rps at a 21-5 rate) you have a more thank god approach to the score. As im sure you Know the Knights fianl game is against UCS which we need a win tied with a Wentland loss to advance. Or a tie and a loss. Thanks to you a lesser team we may not be making yet another attempt in the world cup. I see no reason you guys need to win, so why did you. I percieve it as a lack of concentration on the behalf of our starr goalie who doesnt usually let in this many goals.

Sincerely,
Dre Mint

Bostopia

09-11-2008, 02:47

Tonight, folks, we was robbed. By a team of nomads who we're not sure even RP. It's a tragedy! An absolutely random colours that blind tragedy! Dangit, those guys scored against us. But you know what, we have had our foot off the gas since we qualified anyway. We played our C team (who look a lot like the A team) and we still managed to score against them!

So take that!

You will not find us, you will not catch us, you will not trace us!

Sincerely

Penny Farthing.

Daehanjeiguk

09-11-2008, 03:20

Since the IFA Sub-Ministry is due at a party right now, they're going to mail ready-to-plant kumquat trees to the winners. Please water properly!

Most points earned (MD13): Panuul (+25.75)

Most ranks earned (MD13): 6 (+Qazox)

Congratulations to the winners!

And your updated MD13 ranks:

1 987.01 0 Bostopia
2 925.11 3 Cafundéu
3 922.03 -1 Tynelia
4 921.96 0 Starblaydia
5 919.29 2 The Archregimancy
6 916.87 -3 Valanora
7 916.28 -1 Jeruselem
8 904.01 4 Capitalizt SLANI
9 903.95 2 Demot
10 903.09 -2 Milchama
11 901.84 -2 Daehanjeiguk
12 899.62 1 Candelaria And Marquez
13 893.95 4 Qazox
14 892.43 1 Yafor 2
15 891.14 3 Dancougar
16 883.32 3 Ad’ihan
17 881.43 -7 Bazalonia
18 875.02 -2 Wentland
19 871.99 -5 The Holy Empire
20 848.96 0 Lovisa
21 843.97 2 Jasīʼyūn
22 840.12 0 Vephrall
23 836.11 1 Kura-Pelland
24 831.36 -3 Sorthern Northland
25 821.52 0 Taeshan
26 814.81 1 Septentrionia
27 811.51 2 Rennidan
28 810.84 0 Yafalonia and Bazor 2
29 808.05 -3 Krytenia
30 807.72 0 Prux
31 807.25 0 Az-cz
32 801.19 1 Jeru FC
33 787.33 -1 Blouman Empire
34 772.24 0 Kelssek
35 769.59 1 Magna Sancta Sedes
36 768.69 -1 Newmanistan
37 763.59 0 Quakmybush
38 747.28 0 Green wombat
39 717.81 1 Terreiro de Ogum
40 713.69 -1 KaMaRi
41 691.37 2 Kenavt
42 687.11 -1 The Macabees
43 675.09 -1 Land de Wood
44 673.74 0 Kosovoe
45 657.03 0 An Blascaod Mor
46 654.26 0 West Zirconia
47 620.68 1 Arroza
48 618.07 -1 Liventia
49 602.10 1 Universitus University
50 599.41 1 Greal
51 583.85 -2 Magnus Valerius
52 570.45 0 Glaycia
53 566.66 0 Urna Eletrônica
54 547.62 0 Myedvedeya
55 533.30 0 Cokenia
56 518.24 1 Nethertopia
57 516.77 -1 Secristan
58 510.67 0 Cassadaigua
59 506.26 0 Linpada
60 460.36 0 Thoughts of Randomness
61 449.69 1 Bushdome
62 446.25 -1 The Islands of Qutar
63 437.29 0 Kjomasasopia
64 413.13 0 Dariusville
65 410.97 0 Docky
66 396.18 2 Alversia
67 393.22 0 Valetaland
68 391.58 -2 Tortuga y Hispaniola
69 374.68 0 Deceased Writers Guild
70 366.56 0 Colbourne
71 294.55 0 Vlaskin
72 113.17 0 Saturday Sport
73 103.93 0 Viltek
74 93.81 1 Miroxia
75 68.41 3 Swilatia
76 68.10 0 The Bostopian Empire
77 64.21 -3 Australiah
78 50.57 -1 Panuul
79 47.96 2 Onimar
80 46.58 0 United Island Empires
81 45.38 -2 Chutnusak
82 13.35 0 Seventy Ninth Entrant

Notes:

* Ranks only include teams participating in the World Cup!
* All zero-ranked (0) teams were given a uniform 100 score.
* We found you, Bostopia.
* There is a slight possibility that the ranks are not correct, but as I've got to go, they're not changing...

Taeshan

09-11-2008, 04:15

Qaulification At A Glance

Qaulifying is one of the hardest tasks of the World Cup. Ranging from 10-20 games over a short period of time, all for a chance to show the Soccer world just a small glimce of your team. This cup a total of 84 teams entered this prestigous tournament qualification game. Two teams were assured qualification as hosts of the Cup. Valanora, and Vephrall. One the top ranked team in the world and another a sure bet at the top 20 teams. Only 30 other teams will grasp the chance at holding this Taj Mahal of trophies.

In recent years the World Cup grandeur has fallen lessteams compete each year. In the first Cup there was a small number of competing team, but since then the tournament has grown and grown. At some points it had well over a hundred of competetors. Though the number is just 2 below the last cups it is falling. There are many hopes its majestic will come back.

Knights Defeated By Underdogs Panuul. Qaulfication Just Beyond Current Grasp

In one wrod, shattered. Thats how i would explain last nights games. The Purple Knights come of there 0-0 tie to there dependency's the Kosovoe Blue Tornado. Next was Panuul the team Soccer experts predicted to fall to the Knights in there biggest win since the Solenial 6-0 bashing in the last qualification stage. But the Knights had not heard of the young Panuul striker Urkero Lit. Urkero scored 4 questionable goals on 6 penalty shots. Maybe the fact that Tad Montague can stop 4 out of 6 penalties all before a big penalty shutout will lighten up the fans. I just know one thing after the Candelarian ref blew the call earlier this season in the Docky game, (not that we mind) im sure that the refs will be more unbaised. Somehow that may be determined in the next game.

In there final game of qualifying the Knights again take on the Capitalizt Slani team they earlier beat just before the mid qualifying break. The Slani team has already secured qualifcation, and will probally be looking to rest its players. Hopefully the Knights can overcome them again. The other two teams standing between the Knights and the Cup each have easy games with Wentland taking on the aggressors Panuul, and Yafaolonia and Bazor 2 taking on the quaint Linpada team.

Blouman Empire

09-11-2008, 05:13

THE EMPIRE TIMES

Eagles Fail to Qualify

The Blouman Football team today lost all hope of qualifying with a 0-0 draw against Tortuga y Hispaniola. The draw along with a 2-0 win by Az-cz means that that the Empire is now 4 points short of third place with only one game to go. And means that they will have to once again find themselves going into the Cup of Harmony.

The team has expressed disappointment but believes they ran a hard battle in the midfield with some difficult teams. Manager Henry Schweppe is said t be disappointed that he was unable to get the team into the top 3 but has promised to fight harder next time and is looking forward to the Cup of Harmony where he wants the team to focus on and go for the win. Captain Sam Kiamar also has expressed his disappointment "I knew we were in for a hard group stage, and we did have three teams that has performed well over they years, we knew we had a hard fight just to get into the top three and this time it didn't happen".

The team has one more game of the group stage against top placed Qazox at home. Vice Captain Steven Holdings has said the team will be fighting hard "We are at home and even though we haven't qualified for the cup we want to show the world that we will keep on fighting and we will beat Qazox, with the fans behind us we can't lose".

Green wombat

09-11-2008, 05:44

THE HEXAGON REPORT
It's News, Because We Say So!

So much for having the easiest road over the final couple of weeks, as Nethertopia dashed any chances for Green wombat to make the World Cup, with a 2-1 win, coupled with wins by The Archregimancy, Sorthern Northland, and Jaseuyeon, knocked the Wombats out and back into the CoH, if they are invited.

SCHEDULE:
(NOTE: All home matches will be played at: Green wombat Field, aka: "The Barracks": The Hexagon. Capacity: 66,666.)
MD1: @ An Blascaod Mór WIN 2-1
MD2: vs Valetaland LOST 1-2
MD3: @ The Archregimancy Draw 1-1
MD4: vs Jasiyun/Jaseuyeon LOST 0-2
MD5: @ Sorthern Northland WIN 1-0
MD6: vs Nethertopia WIN 1-0
MD7: vs Onimar WIN 5-1
MD8: vs An Blascaod Mór LOST 0-2
MD9: @ Valetaland Draw 1-1
MD10: vs The Archregimancy Draw 2-2
MD11: @ Jasiyun/Jaseuyeon WIN 2-1
MD12: vs Sorthern Northland WIN 2-0
MD13: @ Nethertopia LOST 1-2
MD14: @ Onimar
OVERALL RECORD: 6-4-3

The Post MD13 Ranks (1st Place Votes in Bold Italics)

TOP 15 POLL
(All Top 15 teams have qualified for World Cup)
Rank/Prev.
1/3 Qazox 10-2-1 6
2/4 Demot 10-2-1 6
3/5 Starblaydia 10-1-2 1
4/6 Tynelia 10-2-1 2
5/8 Dancougar 9-2-2
6/9 Kura-Pelland 9-1-3
7/10 Yafor 2 9-2-2
8/1 Bostopia 10-2-1
9/7 Cafundéu 9-1-2
10/11 Milchama 9-3-1
11/12 The Holy Empire 8-3-2
12/14t Daehanjeiguk 9-2-2
13/2 Jeruselem 10-0-3
14/13 Candelaria And Marquez 8-3-2
15/NR Capitalizt SLANI 8-2-3

FELL OUT:
#14t Yafalonia and Bazor 2 Lost to Capitalizt SLANI 2-3

For the first time in the history of this poll, only one Top 15 team lost, Yafalonia and Bazor 2, who lost to Capitalizt SLANI, who rejoined the Top 15 this week.

TEAMS that Qualified this Week
Capitalizt SLANI
Yafor 2
Prux
Jeru FC
Ad'ihan
The Holy Empire
Az-cz
Daehanjeiguk
The Archregimancy
Sorthern Northland
Jaseuyeon
Kura-Pelland

Big changes in the Bottom 5 as Chutnusak and Panuul both won so now there are still 3 winless wonders left.

BOTTOM FIVE
76: Alversia 1-2-10
77: Taeshan Lost 0-4 to Panuul
78: Thoughts of Randomness 0-5-8
79: United Island Empires 0-3-10
80: Seventy Ninth Entrant 0-2-11

Prux

09-11-2008, 05:53

ESPN Journal of Sport
January 5th, 1945

Prux @ West Zirconia Game 13 of qualifying
by: Saul Werth

Zombie Just Fontaine's 2 second half goals propelled Prux to a 2-1 win, eliminating West Zirconia and Kelssek from the World Cup, and ensuring a 2nd straight berth for the Zombies.

7 years ago, when this team was resurrected from the grave, who would have thought that they would have been to 2 World Cups? Not too many people would have, but now, Prux can be numbered amongst the better teams in the world.

MD1: vs. Bushdome W 3-1
MD2: vs. Thoughts of Randomness D 2-2
MD3: vs. Tynelia Lost 2-3
MD4: @ Yafor 2 D 1-1
MD5: vs. United Island Empires W 4-1
MD6: vs. West Zirconia W 3-1
MD7: vs. Kelssek W 2-0
QUALIFYING BREAK
MD8: @ Bushdome W 3-1
MD9: @ Thoughts of Randomness D 1-1
MD10: @ Tynelia L 0-4
MD11: vs. Yafor 2 D 1-1
MD12: @ United Island Empires W 3-2
MD13: @ West Zirconia W 2-1
MD14: @ Kelssek

OVERALL: 7-4-2
HOME: 4-2-1
AWAY: 3-2-1
Projected: 8-3-3

Goal Scoring:
Zombie Ronaldo- 10
Zombie Just Fontaine- 7
Zombie Pelé- 5
Zombie Zinedine Zidane- 5

Newmanistan

09-11-2008, 06:18

THE ROCKET REPORT

HANGING TOUGH

Southport, Newmanistan- The never-say-die Rockets are proving once again that they will never go down without a fight, and if you give them a glimmer of hope to have success they will do everything in their power to achieve it. After thirteen of fourteen matchdays, Newmanistan stands with a chance to qualify for World Cup 43. They don’t quite control their own destiny, but the hand that might lend them help is a hand that originally guided the Rockets at the start of their interregional qualifying campaign. On matchday twelve, they got a win and some help from Dancougar, and now, before they could think about what would need to happen on the final matchday, they needed to take care of a Glaycia team that has been a pesky opponent to several in the group. The Rockets earned a 1-nil victory in Glaycia previously, and thanks them having defeated and drawn Lovisa earlier in qualifying, we wouldn’t have a chance if it wasn’t for their efforts. The Rockets would hope for some help from the Bostopian Empire, but that did seem like a longshot, especially with that game in Lovisa. Focusing on the matter at hand very well were the Rockets in Southport tonight, defeating Glaycia by the score of 2-1. Lovisa knocked off the Bostopian Empire 4-1. So, the situation is this. Newmanistan must defeat Dancougar. Very tough chore but they can do this. Newmanistan drew with the Black Wings earlier in qualifying, and defeated them in a pre-qualifying friendly. The confidence is there, and that can be half the battle sometimes. Then Lovisa must lose. The Silent Assassins have the tiebreaker on us, so they cannot pick up a point. Fortunately, Lovisa has a tough game as they finish off in Starblaydia. It’s not an unreasonable scenario at all. A recent poll around the world found that a majority of football fans felt as though Newmanistan was more deserving then Lovisa for the third qualifying spot, and we hope that the Rockets can deliver for everyone.

Before we get started, the Rocket Report would like to apologize to Brett Prescott for our failure to acknowledge his picking up his 100th interregional cap in the game against Alversia. Sorry, Brett! We hope he is not too mad at his, as that would not be a good thing. Brett became the first Newmanistanian to reach 100 caps without having participated in any of the Di Bradini Cup tournaments. Congratulations!

Before all that mattered, Newmanistan needed to care of Glaycia in Southport. A warm and glorious day to be out on the beaches, or at a football game may have been a positive omen for the home side. Glaycia didn’t have anything on the line other then pride. They would be heading to the Cup of Harmony, but reportedly, they are not presently eligible. A shame, because they would be a quality team to have in that tournament. At the national level, playing for pride is good enough, and we saw that. The early moments saw both teams playing well with Newmanistan wanting to set a quick attacking style of play early. They tried to be a little smarter about it this time to avoid a 4th minute blunder like we saw against Alversia in Putnam Lake. Glaycia anticipated this and were up to challenge, doing a good job of snuffing out the set plays in which Newmanistan tried to utilize. We saw a lot of upfield rushes, moreso by Newmanistan, that would be stopped by the defense. The first great chance came in the 18th minute with the Rockets attacking, getting four men down low (the strikers with Alex Parnett) and the Glaycian defenders scrambling. A sweet pass by Jeremy McAllister to Shawn Drummond was going to mean a simple tap in for Drummond. However Shawn inexplicably sent the shot a few inches wide, completely killing off the play and the offensive rush. After Kusler made a nice save in the 24th minute, the Rockets were back in on goal for a great chance in the 29th minute. Against the push towards the goal, with Parnett and even Brett Prescott making the charge on the Glaycian keeper was very effective. Jeremy McAllister this time set up Brett Carlson with a pass that again had the goalkeeper in a helpless position. Helpless, if the shot was on target, instead Carlson got too much air on the shot and it sailed over the bar. Another opportunity wasted, and another goal kick for Glaycia. The fans were starting to get a little antsy of Newmanistan’s inability to finish off these plays. For Carlson, it was probably a bit unfair since he has done a wonderful job finishing plays off during the entire qualifying effort, but for Shawn Drummond, it just further showed the struggles that he is having. Shawn has just two goals in the entire effort, and hasn’t put one in the net since Matchday 8! This late and this close to qualification is not the time to make a major move to take out someone that has over 100 caps at the interregional level. And its not as if Shawn hasn’t been doing other things to help out the team. The closing fifteen minutes saw Glaycia get some of their best chances of the game. The defense, led by Jeremy Brooker (who was amazing tonight), held firm and were able to have the Glaycians shooting from angles and distances that allowed goalkeeper Chris Kusler to see the ball well and to be in good position for the save. Glaycia got four shots on target in the final fifteen, but all met the hands of Mr. Kusler. At the intermission, we were all tied up with no goals on the scoreboard.

It was an entertaining game, and one that would prove to those who do not appreciate this great sport that you don’t necessarily goals to have yourself quite an exciting game of football. There would have to be goals, though, and they would have to come soon. Newmanistan had to win this game. There would be no other acceptable result. As he did against Alversia, coach Carson did not allow for the Lovisa score to be shown on the Southport scoreboard or be announced, though most of the players were just going to go on the assumption that Lovisa would take care of the Bostopian Empire. Carson checked the score quick on his own before heading out to the field, shook his head, and seemed to tell his team that they needed to turn up the offense even more.

The second half began a lot the way the first half started. Newmanistan aggressively pushed for a fast tempo, but Glaycia was prepared and kept their focus on the simple things, and were positionally sound. At times they were able to generate a chance on a counter attack, but the Rockets defenders did a good job getting back, and when necessary, Chris Kusler was on top form tonight. In the 51st minute, Newmanistan got a great charge on net again thanks to a run down the right wing by Alex Parnett. He got by that defender, and sent a cross into the penalty area that he was hoping to have Jeremy McAllister reach for a header, but the Glaycia defender was holding on to Jeremy’s jersey, making J-Mac unable to get much height. Thanks to a fortuitous bounce, Brett Carlson was in a prime position to score, and this time he made sure not to get too much height on it. The Glaycian keeper got a slight fingertip to the ball, but it was not enough to keep the shot from going into the net, and finally giving Newmanistan the lead. The stadium was rocking, but Glaycia would be motivated to score very quickly. With a massive charge to the net, they sent men forward, after a few minutes of fine defensive work, Glaycia would get a controversial goal as one of their forwards appeared to deliberately run into Chris Kusler and knock him down, and it was totally missed by the referee. Kusler scrambled to get back up, but the ball was too far out of his reach. A Glaycian forward and Tony Borsinger both dove for the ball and it wound up in the net. Had Borsinger not dove for the ball, this would have been a simple tap in for the Glaycian since Kusler was out of position. Tony did the only thing he could do. The referee ruled the play to have been an own goal creditted to Tony Borsinger, even though it is really hard to tell who’s foot the ball went off of even after viewing the replay 100 times. (OOC: This particular goal summary was motivated by a horrible call in a hockey game I watched tonight). Brian Carson was about as livid as we’ve seen him during all of qualifying, shouting that player who knocked down Kusler should have been whistled for a foul. It’d be pretty hard not to agree with him. The referee appeared to be explaining to Carson that he saw it as a case of Kusler simply losing his footing. Anyway, after this own goal in the 57th minute, we were all level again. Not like this, thought the Rockets. A win would be the only result the Rockets could accept, and they could not fail to qualify because of such a freak play. Fortunately, they would not have to worry about it. In the 63rd minute, a Jeremy McAllister 15-yard strike from a pass from Shawn Drummond put Newmanistan back in the lead. The assist that Drummond got here shows that he is still doing the little things even though he is not scoring. Newmanistan kept on the offense, and got a couple great opportunities in the 68th and 72nd minutes, before they had to hold off Glaycia’s efforts for last ditch heroics. In this, the Newmanistan defense was very strong, as they all took the no-call to Glaycia earlier to heart and laid it all out on the line to make sure there wasn’t going to be an game-tying goal. They sealed the deal, and the Rockets get themselves a very important 2-1 victory.

Now, there is only one game left. Many World Cup positions have already been claimed, but third place in group 8 remains one of the few that are still in doubt. Newmanistan has still never qualified for the World Cup, and if they do not get they result or results that they needed in Dover City and in Starblaydia, it will be the third time in four tries that a Newmanistanian world cup qualifying effort came down to the very end in the last game before their fate would be known. It’ll be a tough assignment, beating those Black Wings, but it is the route that Newmanistan will have to take, and succeeded when traveling the difficult path is more sweet then succeeding when taking the easy route.

Here is your post game reaction:

Carson: “We have this thing for always playing well when our backs are against the wall. We played a hard fought game tonight, but I really like that we pulled it out, keeping our chances for qualifying alive. One game remains, and we have played Dancougar enough and have had enough success against them to where the ranks and all that really mean nothing when we get together. We know them, they know us. I’ve told the guys that all we can do is worry about ourselves. We cannot control what happens in Starblaydia.”

Kusler: “I get deliberately pushed down and there’s no whistle. That is just absurd. I blame myself a little bit though for expecting there to be one and maybe not pouncing back up as quickly as I could have. Other then that, I’m happy with my game, and very happy with the way we did as a team tonight. We have a ton of respect for Dancougar, but we know we can defeat them.”

Brooker: “Well here we are, coming down to the very end once again. It was a good game for us with the exception of the bogus no call.”

Prescott: “I forgive you for forgetting my 100th interregional cap against Alversia. In fact, I was so caught up in the whole needing to qualify thing, that it had slipped my mind as well. Big win, like the guys have already told you. I enjoy playing Dancougar very much. They are a fun group of people to play and they battle you tough. Unfortunately, while we’d like them to play conservative since they are already locked into qualifying, it will be anything but with those guys. That’s the way it should be, though.”

McAllister: “We could have lost our composure after the referee allowed their goal to actually stand, but we hung in there and got the goal right back six minutes later. It’s all come down to this now, us and the Black Wings. They kept trying to tell us that it was all going to come down to this, and I guess they were right.”

NEWMANISTAN 2
Carlson (51')
McAllister (63')

GLAYCIA 1
Borsinger- Own Goal (57')

Jeruselem

09-11-2008, 06:46

Jeruselem Government News

Jeruselem kids lose to Pistachio nut throwers, Jeru FC qualifies

Jeruselem travelled to Septentrionia but didn't send the full team mainly the kids of the team including Princess Marie-Antoinette Dallas who was Captain for the day. Coach Monique Alexander was missing with assistant coach Sister Marsha taking charge. With qualification in the bag, there was no need to send the full team. The team got smashed 4-1 by Septentrionia who seems more determined to win. The kids struggled with their more experienced counterparts and didn't seem in the game despite Marie getting all agro about getting beaten up by a bunch of Pistachio nut throwers. For most of the team it was just work experience and a game of no real consequence except for Marie who doesn't like losing in anything.

KaMaRi blew a chance to get a buffer over Septentrionia, drawing 2 ALL with Kenavt. This puts KaMaRi on the same points but they lead by goal difference only. Nothing much separates the two teams and it will be down to match day 14.

Kura-Pelland narrowed the gap between itself and Jeruselem to two points by beating Deceased Writers Guild 2-1. This gives KP a chance of grabbing top spot but only if Jeruselem loses. Should Jeruselem draw, other factors take effect. KP must win to take top spot so if they draw or lose, Jeruselem will be top of this group.

Secristan lost to Chutnusak 1-0 and has to travel to Jeruselem next. Secristan did well this cup with four wins but one needs at last 7 wins to qualify. They will be treated well in Jeruselem in response to their great welcome for Jeruselem at Secristan.

Jeru FC hit the Macabees hard winning 3-0 and secured a spot in the finals after their defeat of Bazalona 2-1 at home. Ryan Greenly's teams struggled early but has come home strong like Jeruselem in the latter stages to join their senior team. Jeru FC got a helping hand from some sexy looking cheerleaders who are actually poledancers from Dazza's nightclubs. Cheerleader team leader Ricci Alexander (yes, daughter of Monique) said
"We're doing this for Jeru FC. It seems to have worked with our Jeru FC playing like champs. Dazza asked us to get out there and help out Jeru FC with some feminine support. It's great to see the team doing well! We haven't done any poledancing for the team yet, but we're ready if they ask us." Ricci Alexander was named poledancer of the year once.

Merginn Moffat has guided Sorthern Northland to another finals appearance. The 3-1 win over An Blascaod Mór sealed their place in the finals and another "Jeruselem" team are in. Merginn seems to be the man in SN.

So good news for all Jeruselem teams if you count SN. All made the finals. All that remains to be seen is KaMaRi vs Septentrionia. Septentrionia have come home with a wet sail but don't count out KaMaRi doing the job either.

Qazox

09-11-2008, 06:51

QNN
Where News Happens

With all the hooplah of clinching a World Cup berth, and a win over The Holy Empire, there was something missing. A celebration of some sorts. A celebration that will be rectified, after the trip to Blouman Empire for the final game of qualifiers. The reason for the celebration? The Qazoxian National football team, upon beating The Holy Empire, has joined the elite list of nations with 200 victories! Granted, based on how some nations calculate their matches, we might not be on that list, and on some others, we had already surpassed the mark. But as far as the QFA is concerned, the Black Oxen/Pheonix have 200 wins, Correction, make that 201 wins after the 2-0 win at Urna Eletrônica. In just 62 years of football, Qazox has reached that magical number of 200. One can only wonder what will the next 62 years bring to Qazoxian football?

HISTORICAL QAZOXIAN WINS:
1st win: Def. Atheistic Right 1-0 (MD1 BoF 14/Pre-WC 27) @ Rejistania.
1st home win: Def. Dorian and Sonya 2-0 (MD3 WC27Q) @ at Estadia Pika, Pika City.
1st road win: Def. Milchama 4-2 (MD5 WC27Q).
50th win: Def. Andossa Se Mitrin Vega 5-1 (MD6 WC31Q) @ Andossa Se Mitrin Vega.
1st World Cup Win: Def. Wentland 3-2 (MD1 World Cup 33 @ Quakmybush).
100th win: Def. Delesa 2-0 (MD5 WC35Q) @ Delesa
150th win: Def. Nethertopia 3-1 (MD9 WC40Q) @ Chek-Via Stadium, Fromburg.
200th win: Def. The Holy Empire 3-1 (MD 12 WC43Q) @ Qazian Memorial Stadium, Qazox City.

The complete qualifying schedule and Results (Home games and Wins in BOLD):

MD1: @ Cokenia WIN 3-2 (Record: 1-0-0)
MD2: Swilatia WIN 5-0 (Record: 2-0-0)
MD3: @ Tortuga y Hispaniola WIN 3-2 (Record 3-0-0)
MD4: Az-cz WIN 6-3 (Record 4-0-0)
MD5: @ The Holy Empire LOSS 0-2 (Record 4-0-1)
MD6: Urna Eletrônica WIN 2-1 (Record 5-0-1)
MD7: Blouman Empire DRAW 1-1 (Record 5-1-1)
Friendly: defeated Vephrall 1-0 @ Valanora
MD8: Cokenia WIN 5-1 (Record 6-1-1)
MD9: @ Swilatia WIN 3-1 (Record 7-1-1)
MD10: Tortuga y Hispaniola W 3-1 (Record 8-1-1)
MD11: @ Az-cz DRAW 1-1 (Record 8-2-1) CLINCHED WORLD CUP BERTH
MD12: The Holy Empire WIN 3-1 (Record 9-2-1)
MD13: @ Urna Eletrônica WIN 2-0 (Record 10-2-1)
MD14: @ Blouman Empire

QAZOX SCORING today
Michelle de Barre- 15'
Opal Howard- 71'

QAZOX OVERALL SCORING
Charles Marquis- 10
Raul de Olivares- 9
Yolanda Christian- 6
Bonnie Young- 2
Jason Erca- 2
Brittany Lopes- 2
Michelle de Barre- 2
Opal Howard- 2
Benjamin Ernst- 1
Georgette Savoy- 1
David Shultz- 1

<Commercial break>

The Sawedis have offically accepted Furhur Renoir's ultimatum and have surrendered to Qazian troops just outside of Bellview. Still no word from Certifiably insane at this point, but sources are saying that they will surrender within the next 48-60 hours.

On other fronts, Taeshan has offically ceased its war with the Southern Alliance, as the alliance nations have submitted to the provisions in the surrender pact. The territory of the 3 nations will be under Tasehani juristiction, with possible portions of those nations to be annexed by Taeshan as provinces. While that conflict never reached the eastern shores of those countries, it is expected that those portions might be jointly held by Taeshan and Sativaville, who once enjoined in the conflict, helped precipitate the eventual surrender.

Stay tuned to QNN for more news as it happens.

Jeruselem

09-11-2008, 11:48

Jason: Hello, this is Jason Mann the Real on Radio Man. We have a special guest today. It's Jeruselem defender Celina Sadie Dallas otherwise known as Dopey Dallas II.
Sadie: Hi everyone! And all you err ... men!
Jason: OK Sadie, how is the leg? Can you walk?
Sadie: No I still can't walk, but the doctor says the bone is healing up.

Jason: We here all want to wish you the best. You maybe a Dallas but there's plenty of men out there who know what it's like to have a broken leg.
Sadie: Thanks guys.
Jason: I must also say your auntie is fine looking woman there. It's so nice of her to take of Sadie.
Fiskin: Well, Sadie is a simple person to take care off. Three meals and Naked News Jeruselem ... that keeps her happy.

Jason: She sounds like easy patient there.
Fiskin: Well, she's easy to outsmart ...
Jason: Are you planning to get back to football?
Sadie: Me? For sure, one has to earn money for the kids.

Jason: You don't have any kids.
Sadie: I'm working on it!
Fiskin: It's not hard to take advantage of Sadie here.
Jason: Sadie, what you think of your replacement Princess Marie?

Sadie: She's doing a great job considering she's not a defender.
Fiskin: I think she's in the wrong spot, she should be at least in the midfield.
Jason: She is a bit ... tempermental.
Fiskin: Yes, she's bit like her sister Kate.

Sadie: She really hates losing.
Jason: Why did the coach put in the 2nd string team in 1093-land?
Sadie: I dunno ...
Fiskin: We qualified and there was no need to send our best to 1093-land. I know we lost but the kids needed time on the field.

Jason: What about the upcoming home game?
Fiskin: Moany will play the full team at home.
Sadie: I wish I could play.
Jason: There's not many countries with ex-porn stars are team coaches.

Sadie: There's Dazza Dallas!
Jason: That's my point, if you had to list porn stars as coaches in the World Cup - there'd be two from Jeruselem. Dazza Dallas and Monique Alexander.
Fiskin: Also best buddies too.
Jason: So, why Jeruselem?

Sadie: Because, the Dallas family are different I guess.
Jason: There seems to a lot of your family in football.
Sadie: Yes, I don't why we are so good.
Fiskin: Counting the two Sallad sisters as well.

Jason: It's good talking to you.
Sadie: Yeah, thanks.
Fiskin: Oh yeah, have fun on the pub crawl in Southern Northland.
Jason: The girls there are no match compared to local Jeruselem girls.

Newmanistan

09-11-2008, 12:29

THE ROCKET REPORT

GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME, STEEL?

Dover City, Newmanistan- Tailgating in the parking lot at Dover Field has already begun. A berth in World Cup 43 is at stake as the Rockets get set to battle their long time adversary, the Black Wings of Dancougar. They are two points out of the final qualifying spot, and need to defeat Lovisa on points in order to overtake them, since the Silent Assassins hold the tiebreaker. The scenario is not complicated: Newmanistan must defeat Dancougar and Starblaydia must defeat Lovisa. It is the only way that the Rockets can avoid defending their Cup of Harmony championship. Anyone who knows anything about Newmanistan’s interregional history has to shake their heads at the incredible irony of this situation.

First, comes the need to beat Dancougar. The two had long since established a rivalry with one another. The nations winning consecutive Baptism of Fire Championships was just the start. They met twice in the 6th Oxen Cup and had some spirited battles, with the Black Wings winning the group stage game before Newmanistan turned the tables and won a semifinal meeting later on in the same cup. This was seen as the beginning of the competitive rivalry, and it created the Golden Ambiguous Bird on Skates Trophy. There may not be another two nations in the world that exchange a trophy for bragging rights between them as Newmanistan and Dancougar will do, and the nations have made the placement of a pre-qualifying friendly an automatic on the schedule. The first game with the Trophy on the line was held in Dancougar but won by Newmanistan prior to World Cup 41 qualifying. Captain Kevin Lewis, wearing his famous #43 which we would like to think is an omen right now, scored two goals in the victory. In a World Cup 42 qualifying friendly , the game was held in Newmanistan, Pocono City to be exact, but Dancougar had a dominating performance in a 3-nil victory to claim the trophy for themselves. Despite being drawn into the same group for World Cup 43 qualifying, neither nation had any intention of cancelling the hotly contested friendly series, and with the game going back to Dancougar, Newmanistan was again victorious, by a 2-nil score and reclaimed the trophy for themselves. Then came qualifying and the game that mattered in Dancougar. A late Jeremy McAllister goal forced a draw between the teams, making it the first time that one of the nations had successfully defended the Trophy. According to the rules, in the event of a draw, the visiting team gets the trophy. So now here we are, with the two nations playing in Newmanistan for the second time. The trophy is on the line, but there is something much bigger out there as well.

Football is not the only sport where the two have some great games. The other football, version Americana, has also produced some excellent battles between the two. While Dancougar has held the advantage in getting the results, their wins have been by less then a touchdown, or even by less then a field goal on every occasion, with the Black Wings known for a couple of last minute drives that they put together to seal off a victory. With that, Dancougar won a major championship to put on their resume, in defeating Arroza in Tundra Falls for World Bowl I. With that, we know the spirits of Tundra Falls at least do not harbor any animosity towards Dancougar, at least not right now or right then. Newmanistan then returned the favor and went to the Dancougar and made it to the finals in the International Basketball Championships, and even though the wrong team from One Big Island was successful in that finals series, it was an impressive run for the Rockets in a sport that hadn’t necessarily been known as one of the Empire’s greatest when competing against the world. To top it all off, Dancougar made it to the semifinals of the 2nd World Lacrosse Championships before they were defeated by us in that game. There’s also some unexplained motive for the competitiveness of this rivalry that may just go beyond the realm of the world that we know it.

That is just half the battle. There is a whole second half of results which must play out in order for Newmanistan to qualify for World Cup 43. They need help, from of all people, Starblaydia. Such help is not guaranteed, and if they had given any help back on matchday seven, we would be in a better predictament. But Lovisa was victorious on that day at home, and may benefit from a Starblaydi team that would be looking to rest their key players, which we are sure contains a Di Bradini in it somewhere. It is a nation that Newmanistan has a ton of history with, having won two championships there, the Baptism of Fire and the 4th Di Bradini Cup, also while advancing to two other Di Bradini Cup finals. We did not have a Di Bradini Cup this year, and still have never really heard why, and a handful of current Rockets such as Brett Carlson, Scott LaFave, and Calvin Lane were really looking to what would have been major roles for all of them in the 7th such Cup. We’re sure the reasons are valid for why there was not a Cup, but if Starblaydia needs any help in getting up for this game, how about this? How about making it up to us by defeating Lovisa for us! It will all be forgiven if the Purple Peril manage to do that. But only if it mattered in the first place and if we had beaten Dancougar. You would think that the likelihood of Lovisa picking up two victories over Starblaydia would be quite slim, but the fact that a draw would also advance the Silent Assassins is concerning.

We are getting closer to game time here in Dover City and the excitement is already in the air. Will the Rockets achieve liberty from past failed last-day qualifying efforts, or will The Black Wings cover their hopes in a giant Steel Curtain?

Cassadaigua

09-11-2008, 15:33

Courtney’s Space

We will be concluding our first ever World Cup qualifying attempt this evening. We don’t need to look at the group standings to know that we haven’t qualified. I think we did about as good we could have been expected and there were some highs and lows that all of us will remember. We are 5-2-6, and a highlight is certainly the fact that we never lost to Candelaria And Marquez. We defeated them and then we pull of a draw with them as you know in our most recent game. The Big Blues had wrapped everything up at that point, so they weren’t terribly hard-pressed to deliver knock out blows to us and they seemed to be a little more concerned with keeping it simple and just making sure they survived that game with no one getting hurt. Then there were lows, which I know most of you would call our entire second half of qualifying. That’s fair, I suppose. The first half created higher expectations for the second half, and when we lost to teams like Saturday Sport and Colbourne, it was extremely disappointing.

For Cafundeu, Candelaria And Marquez, and our opponent tonight Rennidan, the World Cup awaits them. I would like to take this time to congratulate everyone associated with the qualification efforts of those three nations and wish them the best of fortunes once World Cup 43 finally kicks off. We all had hoped that we would make the World Cup, but the reality of the matter is that doing so is an extremely difficult thing for a first time nation to accomplish. If you look around all the other groups, you will see that other Baptism of Fire 30 teams had a similar campaign that we had. Myedvedeya, the champion, is 4-3-6 and Secristan, the runner up is 4-1-8. In fact going into tonights action, our point total was second only to Urna Electronica when stacking up the Baptism of Fire 30 teams, and we could pass them with a win and a UE loss. I try not to be a stat freak, so I apologize for that outburst!! We will be heading to the Cup of Harmony, which is a tournament of all the teams that attempted to qualify for the World Cup and failed too. In that context, it sounds like a group of countries trying to be the best loser, but we are sure this will be a passionate competition as well and we look forward to going to wherever they tell us to go.

The Archregimancy

09-11-2008, 19:26

THE EPISTLES OF POLYCARP

Polycarp’s Second Letter to the Krytenians

Dear Chairman Kennedy: greetings

I have taken time out from celebrating the 3-1 victory over Onimar that clinched qualification (with a little of my personal stash of plum brandy), to ponder your question about the role of Anglicans in the World Cup and Orthodox-Anglican relations generally.

As you no doubt already know, it was largely through the initiative and work of (Anglican) Oxford Movement figure Father John Mason Neale, that the Anglican and Eastern Churches Association was founded. This organization publishes the journal Eastern Churches News Letter and encourages interaction of Anglican and Orthodox Christians, particularly through encouraging pilgrimages. The Anglican-Orthodox Fellowship of St. Alban and St. Sergius also publishes a journal (Sobornost).

Through the ecumenical work of Archbishop of Canterbury Michael Ramsey and Patriarch Athenagoras I of Constantinople, both the Anglican Communion and the Orthodox Churches established commissions to consider Anglican-Orthodox relations. An "Anglican-Orthodox Joint Doctrinal Commission" has previously met, which in turn led to the Moscow Agreed Statement which dealt with "the Knowledge of God, the Inspiration and Authority of Holy Scripture, Scripture and Tradition, the Authority of the Councils, the Filioque Clause, the Church as the Eucharistic Community, and the Invocation of the Holy Spirit in the Eucharist."

The Commission later produced a joint doctrinal work entitled Dublin Agreed Statement. This one dealt with the Mystery of the Church, the Holy Trinity and worship and tradition. Another report was subsequently released by the Commission, including all of the interim agreements since the Dublin statement. It is entitled The Church of the Triune God: The Cyprus Agreed Statement.

At the time of the first agreed statement, the hope of the Commission had been for the eventual reunion of the Anglican and Orthodox Churches. However, in between the two, a major development in Anglicanism changed the direction of the Commission. Several autonomous branches of the Anglican church have taken positions accepting the ordination of women. This drastically changed the understanding of the Commission, which is now seen, in the words of co-chairman Archbishop Athanagoras, "simply as an academic and informative exercise, and no longer as an ecclesial endeavour aiming at the union of the two churches."
As there is much theological variation within Anglicanism, Bishop Kallistos (Ware) of Diokleia has famously noted that "The Orthodox Church, however deep its longing for reunion, cannot enter into closer relations with the Anglican communion until Anglicans themselves are clearer about their own beliefs".

Summarised, you’re a sweet bunch, but we’d really rather like you to sort out a more consistent theology before we can accept closer ties.

As to the specific question as to whether there are any more Anglicans participating in the World Cup, I know of no explicitly Anglican nations, but no doubt there are Anglican players.

And for the record, I was not arguing that your nation must have faith in 'God, Allah, Ganesh, Margaret, or the Great Green Vegetable'. I can only personally encourage faith in Trinitarian Christianity that recognises the Apostolic Succession, and preferably Orthodox at that.

Yours in Christ

Fr. Polycarp the Venerable
First Hierarch of the World Cup Committee

Daehanjeiguk

09-11-2008, 19:26

Alasdair I Frosticus

09-11-2008, 20:09

[OOC - You know, one of these days I might run out of literary classics to plaigi... I mean, honour]

MONSIEUR URKES

By Gustavo Flaubertes

We were in training when the coach came in to the dressing room, followed by a "new fellow," not wearing the Imperial kit, and a member of the training staff carrying some equipment. Those who had been asleep woke up, and every one rose as if just surprised in the middle of training.

The coach made a sign to us to sit down. Then, turning to his assistant, he said to him in a low voice—

"Simeone, here is the player whom I recommended to your care; he'll be in the starting XI immediately. If his work and conduct are satisfactory, he will no doubt become our team's new scoring sensation, as becomes his talent."

The "new fellow," standing in the corner behind the door so that he could hardly be seen, was a green-skinned lad of indeterminate age, and taller than any of us. His hair was cut square on his forehead like a village altarboy's; he looked reliable, but very ill at ease. Although he was not broad-shouldered, his short school jacket of green cloth with black buttons must have been tight about the arm-holes, and showed at the opening of the cuffs greenish wrists accustomed to being bare. His legs, in blue stockings, looked out from beneath yellow trousers, drawn tight by braces, He wore stout, ill-cleaned, hob-nailed boots.

We began training. He immediately demonstrated that he was a rare talent, not pausing even to cross the ball, but instead dribbling it straight into the goal; and when at two o'clock the morning session ended, Di Bradini was obliged to tell him to fall into line with the rest of us.

When we came back to work, we were in the habit of throwing our balls on the ground; we used from the sideline to toss them against the advertising hoardings, so that they hit against the wall and made a lot of dust: it was "the thing."

But, whether he had not noticed the trick, or knew he could surpass it, the "new fellow," was still juggling his ball on his knees even after stretching was over. The rest of us felt like naughty schoolboys, as if we should conjugate 'ridiculus sum' twenty times in punishment for our relative lack of skill.

It was then that we knew he was something special, though none had anticipated that he would one day singlehandedly score six in our high-scoring drubbing of Cokenia. But if we knew he was a rare talent, none of us could of known of the tragedy to come.

Magna Sancta Sedes

09-11-2008, 20:12

Candelaria And Marquez

09-11-2008, 22:00

“…o! No, Ben, I’m not being vituperatively misogynistic, Ben, on account of not being at all sure what either of those words mean… I’m simply telling you that it’s inane to make any kind of snap judgments based on a sing… alright, based on two international matches! The second of which was basically a training ground exercise!”

“It was still a full international, worth ranking points, and our guys blew it. Our guys – and I really want to stress that word – had three points begging and they took one. That’s not good enough, and honestly – I think now, really, we’ve got to draw a line in the sand after this debacle and admit that it’s time for a complete sea change in attitudes!”

“Look, it was a friendly, okay? For all intents and perp–”

“Against players based in Newmanistan? Where’s that, what’ve they ever done in international football? And they were the highlights, the rest were all still based in Cassadaigua, wh–”

“Apart from the goalscorer, you conveniently forget, who s–”

“Who plays in the CMSC2, for heav–”

“Who plays in the CMSC2, yes! And let’s look at the records, shall we? Tenderville United two, Fallon United two. Both goals? Courtney Ferguson. Swords of Bass two, Tenderville two. First goal? Courtney Ferguson. Tenderville two Miranda nil, in the CMS Cup? Both goals, Courtney Ferguson. Tenderville two, Brayton Town nil? Opening goal? I think you see where I’m going here…”

“I do, and it supports my point completely, which is that we’re just completely behind the times when it comes to the capabilities of womenfolk in the upper echel–”

“That’s why we voted for a female President, yes?”

“That’s… She’s debatable. My point’s about football though, Joe. It’s just time we accepted this – we’re missing the talents of fully half our population because of these backward ideas, alright? We n–”

“Right, because you’ve been standing up for – and I quote – ‘lady players’ for years, have you?”

“Look, one of my earliest football-on-TV memories…”

“Oh, here we go…”

“…was watching the Womens’ World Cup final. Must’ve been, what, twenty years or go or more. Can’t remember which one, but it was at the dead of night, right? All under floodlights, absolutely gorgeous –”

“I bet it was.”

“Now y’see, that’s your attitude right there. You’re backward, Joe! Anyway, Wentland versus Jeruselem, right, hot broads as far as the eye could see, you’ve got this twelve year-old lad back in grey old Candelaria watching it on telly, fixated. Fixated mate, and you know what on? The football, alright?”

“Oh, come on…”

“No, jus’ listen, right? An amazing game, right? Two-all, I think. Penalties decided the winner. Dazza Dallas, Monique Alexander, Rashina Dallas, Thalia Pellegrini, Gwennie Saunders…”

“It obviously left an impression on you…”

“And I was thinking then: You can stuff your KT Hotspur versus Turks’ Club, or whatever the big game was at the time. That, right there on my screen, that was quality. That was inspirational. And I was thinking: That could be us. And all those years later, why isn’t it us?”

“Because there isn’t a Women’s World Cup anymore…?”

“Because there’s no need for one! We need to wake up and smell the roses. We’ve got female players in Jeruselem, y’know? Oh yes! Not playing first-team football much, admittedly, but… And, and-and-and-and-and, d’you know who finished fourth in the Demotian league this year?”

“Funnily enough, that stat appears to have eluded me…”

“Let me enlighten you. Tiranyus FC. And d’you know who leads the line for Tiranyus FC?”

“No, Ben, I don’t know who leads the line for Tiranyus FC. Do tell.”

“A young lady by the name of Sinna Kewish. And d’you know where she’s from?”

“Demot?”

“Er. Well yes, obviously. But! But, she had a granny who was born right here in Alvery!”

“Crikey…”

“And you’re forgetting Debbie Nichutin, aren’t you? And Georgina… Thingy. One of the Georginas. They play in Aguazul, don’tchaknow? Top-flight, top-class football in Aguazul!”

“Aguazul…”

“And, right, even here they’re making progress. Erica Franco, right? Teenage midfielder, went to the Olympics? Were you aware that she’s actually on the books at Club Atlético Lugar?”

“Would that be Club Atlético Lugar of the semi-professional Campeonato de la Doble Vidriera de la Élite? The one that was knocked out in the first round of the Cup by Gustavo Sánchez FC?”

“I… Yes, but…”

“And are you suggesting, Ben, that had we dumped Abdul Ibadulla and Niv Cohen and Steven Williams and Robin Jacobs in favour of all these lovely young ladies you mention, we’d have beaten Cassadaigua without raising a sweat?”

“Well… No, we’d have been mullered, but that’s not the point! Jeruselem can manage it, Qazox can manage it, the Eesseffians can manage it –”

“Yeah, but they’re proper odd.”

“True, bu–”

“The Cafundelenses can’t manage it though, can they? Or the Han? Or the Kura-Pellandi? Or the Northlandish, or th–”

“That’s no reason not to try! Our girls just need proper coaching, that’s all an–”

“Oh, and you’re just the man to lend them a hand, is that it?”

“Now that is insinuation, and I’m not having that! I demand an apo–”

“For crying out loud, Keith, will you turn that thing off?!”

The little man behind the visitors’ desk swivelled slowly and gave the minister a look to the effect that she might as well have asked him to switch off the background noise of the universe. Who did this woman think she was, telling him how the run the place?!

The woman who runs the place…, Keith’s brain provided after a pause. He conceded the point, and grudgingly poked at the on/off switch just when it was getting interesting.

The Minister for Remedial Teaching sighed happily. She could hear the air conditioning unit in the hallway, the wind whistling through Keith’s nose, some distant laughter, the gentle thrum of a dormant Device deep beneath her feet… Taken all together, it was actually bloody noisy, but no-one – and this was the important bit – no-one was going on about football.

She smiled cheerfully at a bony youngish woman striding authoritatively down the corridor. The newcomer blanked her for a moment, opting instead to offer a little wave in Keith’s direction. The little man blushed, hurriedly dived behind the desk, and made busy noises.

“And that’s all it takes to make him disappear? Wish I’d known that weeks ago… Jenny Harris, Minister for Remedial Teaching,” she added, frowning at the woman’s disinterested expression. She stuck out a hand.

“Yeah. I know. You’ll forgive me if I don’t shake that.”

“Er… Okay…”

“Oh, it’s for your own good. I’ve just been prising apart small intestines, y’know? You can scrub all you like, but…”

Jenny allowed her eyes to bulge before the facts assembled themselves into a neat little line. “Ah. You’d be our forensic pathologist? Ms… Roheart?”

“Rohaert. And it’s Miss, really. Very.”

“Keith seems keen, if you’re desperate,” Jenny whispered conspiratorially.

“I have a rule against dating Ministry Men,” Miss Rohaert sighed. “You can never be too confident they’re actual human. Plus, most of the poor dear buggers have never left this place in their entire lives, so…”

Jenny grinned. She had an ally at last. “They’re a friendly sort, in general, but… They breed ‘em small, wrinkled and navy blue here, from what I’ve seen…”

“Not exactly many opportunities for a workplace affair when you work at the Ministry,” the woman agreed, before doing a fine job of hiding her ensuing smirk at the minister’s momentarily terrified expression. “But anyway… Your skeleton in the cupboard…?”

Jenny frowned again. “I wasn’t aware you’d been given that information…? And technically, it was a trapdoor in my new office, but…”

“I have insiders here,” the pathologist replied, before grimacing at the thought. “Anyway, I thought you’d want my conclusions first hand…”

“And…?”

“Elf. Proper elf. You can’t get much more elfy than this. And please don’t try to make a play on the similarly between ‘elfy’ and ‘healthy’, because I assure you, under the circumstances, it wouldn’t so much as raise a titter.”

“I wasn’t even…”

“The point is, when I say ‘elf’, I mean ‘Elf’. We’re not talking generic little person here.” She pulled the minister to one side as a small troop of secret service agents wombled past. “It’ll be a while before the dental records come though, but I’m pretty much positive it’s a gentleman by the name – assumed name, but whatever – of Daniel Martino.”

“Oh. Wow…” Jenny breathed back, taking it all in. “The official right-hand-elf to the Ministry? The one stationed here by th… by our…”

“By our… patrons? Aye. Very dead. Dehydration, I’d suggest. He was probably left down there for weeks. Even an Elf can’t take that, I –”

“…asn’t impressed so far, I’ll grant you, but in the long term you’ve got to give Jacobs a go, surely? Marshall’s not the future, an–”

“For God’s sake! Turn that thing OFF!”

“You’ll get used to it,” Miss Rohaert suggested meekly. “They don’t have a whole lot of fun around here… Football’s all they’ve really got…”

“And how do you know so much about everything?” Jenny rounded on her angrily, before waving an apologetic hand. “Sorry, doctor. It’s been a long day. There was a couple in Lesperance this morning who swore they’d had a nice long chat with a goblin, and I’ve got to head out to Zapata tomorrow where they’ve gone and organised a bloody friendly against the bloody elves, an–”

“Fancy a coffee?”

“God, yes,” Jenny sighed gratefully. “I’m sure this place can cope without me for five minutes,” she added, a hint of bitterness in her voice.

“…aybe just give Lelliot-Leigh Sodje a go, in just one game. That’s all I’m suggesting, I…”

Jenny threw her hands up in disgust and grabbed someone’s coat off a hook. “Let’s just get out of here…”

“…n a friendly, or something. Let’s just see what these chicks can do, that’s all I’m sayi…”

“D’you suppose they’ll ever have women playing for C&M?” Jenny wondered aloud, despite herself, as the pair hurried out into the Albrecht drizzle.

“I could tell you when precisely, but then you’d really start asking questions…”

The pair’s eyes met momentarily.

“I’m joking, obviously,” Rohaert continued weakly. “It’ll never happen. It’s far too…”

“Weird?”

“Quite. Now, about them goblins…”

Milchama

10-11-2008, 00:02

OOC: This post is based upon this incident. (http://www.haaretz.com/hasen/spages/1035666.html)

The Nation's National Latest Greatest Incredible Most Reliable Excellent Newspaper Of All Time

Front Page

Maybe Archregimancy Not so Holy After All

The Monks, the Archregimancy, the Dreamed Realm, the most holy and most respected of all the World Cup. Everybody knows this and accepts it without thinking. However, they may just be wrong after some incredible evidence came to light recently. Those monks might be playing us all for fools.

Why would this respected newspaper say this? Simple, an incident that happened at the Church of Holy Sepulcher in Jerusalem (which apparently exists as not only a country but a city who knew?). Certain monks from the Orthodox sect of Christianity came to blows with Armenian monks over whether the Orthodox monks were allowed in the Edicule during an Armenian procession. The Armenians said the Orthodox were not and a fight broke out over the rights of each sect.

"We were keeping resistance so that the procession could not pass through...and establish a right that they don't have," said a young Orthodox monk with a cut next to his left eye. The monk, who gave his name as Serafim, said he sustained the wound when an Armenian punched him from behind and broke his glasses.

This is also not the first of these incidents as earlier monks of several sects went and beat up police who tried to stop a fight around Palm Sunday.

The Church is controlled by 6 sects and they constantly argue over rights to different parts of the Church leading to many fights. Sometimes the police are pulled in to stop the fights.

What does this mean for our monks in the World Cup? They get into petty arguments over small amount of territory that doesn't matter to many people. This means that this peaceful facade that they wear to try and fool us all into believing that they are nice little holy men should not be believed.

They are vicious, vindictive, violent bastards that need to be watched. Therefore watch out for the monks!

Cafundeu

10-11-2008, 00:53

Jeruselem

10-11-2008, 00:57

Jeruselem Government News

Rowdy monks at the Church of the Holy Sepulchre

The Jeruselem Inquisition had intervene to a potential messy argument at the Church of the Holy Sepulchre. Orthodox and Armenia Monks came to blows over a petty argument. The last time this happened, the unarmed police had to intervene but didn't seem to be very effective. This time armed Inquisition with machine guns turned up to stop any nonsense.

Head of Inquisition said
"For God's sake, can they have the fight outside the church and not inside. I don't my armed troopers inside but if they are going have some sort of Holy boxing match, please keep it outside the church. It's not normal for us to go in armed but the last thing we want is a whole bunch of monks fighting and breaking things."

Franciscan Priest Father James said
"It's not good when armed troops have to come in. It was getting messy and the two sides were making an unholy row. I'd wish they keep their arguments outside this church. I think both sides have been drinking far too much Holy wine today. This happens all the time. At least they weren't throw cups this time. Getting it by metal goblets is not fun."

OOC

Based on real event
http://www.theage.com.au/world/monks-punch-on-at-holy-site-20081110-5l0d.html

Terreiro de Ogum

10-11-2008, 01:04

Pai Adoniran and Pai Jacinto are once again in the terreiro. They seem worried.

PAI ADONIRAN - "Have you seen, Jacinto? Our team drew with Liventia, and now we have serious chances of not qualifying!"

PAI JACINTO - "We were so hopeful! What to do now?"

PAI ADONIRAN - "Remember what I said about not making too much rituals because what we were doing was working? Forget that. Now it's time to make a huge number of rituals! Get the chickens! The cachaça, please! Music! We need to call the attention of the Orixás, as our team only has one game to make a miracle!"

PAI JACINTO - "Yes, we'll do that! But after the soap opera."

PAI ADONIRAN - "That's right. "The Yaforite" should go first. It's in its last chapters! Odakale was surrounded by the drug dealer's killers in the last one."

PAI JACINTO - "When it finishes, we'll do the rituals..."

PAI ADONIRAN - "At least now that crazy man from the Landau Institute won't interrupt us..."

Trombada appears.

TROMBADA - "I'm back, man, and still without a job, man, do you have one for me, man?"

PAI JACINTO - "Please help us, Orixás! He returned!"

TROMBADA - "It couldn't be different, man. I travelled around the world and no one wanted me as a National Team coach, man, they thought I was strange, man. I even shot them for calling me that."

PAI ADONIRAN - "At least, based on previous experiences, I can be relieved that you probably didn't actually hit them."

TROMBADA - "Well, no, man. But the fact is, I'm back, man! And still looking for a job."

PAI JACINTO - "Okay... welcome back."

PAI ADONIRAN - "It seems that we have no choice."

Elves Security Forces

10-11-2008, 01:38

And the 30 nations making a trip to the Proper are... (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14191293&postcount=17)

Daehanjeiguk

10-11-2008, 02:13

Today's Sponsor is the Han Adopt-A-Pet Ministry for Humane Treatment of Animals. The prize is an assortment of cute and cuddly kittens, shipped in mass to the winners.

Most points earned (MD14): Chutnusak (+21.57)

Most ranks earned (MD14): Capitalizt SLANI, Demot (+4)

Congratulations to the winners!

And your updated MD14 ranks:

1 965.30 0 Bostopia
2 942.07 0 Starblaydia
3 933.95 0 Tynelia
4 926.51 4 Demot
5 925.85 -1 The Archregimancy
6 925.01 4 Capitalizt SLANI
7 922.63 2 Daehanjeiguk
8 920.65 -1 Milchama
9 920.04 -4 Cafundéu
10 916.87 -4 Valanora
11 914.77 2 Dancougar
12 913.12 -1 Qazox
13 909.85 3 Bazalonia
14 909.78 0 Jeruselem
15 909.20 -3 Yafor 2
16 908.22 -1 Candelaria And Marquez
17 894.05 0 Ad’ihan
18 893.36 0 The Holy Empire
19 880.88 0 Wentland
20 857.42 3 Kura-Pelland
21 856.90 0 Jasīʼyūn
22 855.08 0 Sorthern Northland
23 847.58 2 Septentrionia
24 844.85 -4 Lovisa
25 840.12 -1 Vephrall
26 828.62 1 Krytenia
27 827.04 -1 Rennidan
28 826.46 1 Az-cz
29 814.99 2 Yafalonia and Bazor 2
30 802.66 0 Jeru FC
31 800.55 2 Kelssek
32 799.25 -4 Prux
33 783.27 -1 Taeshan
34 775.77 0 Blouman Empire
35 762.58 0 Newmanistan
36 762.43 0 Magna Sancta Sedes
37 760.35 0 Quakmybush
38 740.02 0 Green wombat
39 727.37 0 Terreiro de Ogum
40 698.05 0 KaMaRi
41 685.85 1 Land de Wood
42 680.65 2 The Macabees
43 678.76 -2 Kenavt
44 673.08 -1 Kosovoe
45 653.24 1 An Blascaod Mor
46 638.68 -1 West Zirconia
47 628.47 0 Liventia
48 621.69 0 Arroza
49 601.94 0 Universitus University
50 598.31 0 Greal
51 568.98 2 Urna Eletrônica
52 563.03 -1 Magnus Valerius
53 551.77 -1 Glaycia
54 551.52 0 Myedvedeya
55 522.69 0 Nethertopia
56 507.59 0 Cokenia
57 506.46 0 Cassadaigua
58 491.63 0 Linpada
59 489.37 0 Secristan
60 458.89 2 Bushdome
61 456.86 0 Kjomasasopia
62 432.62 -2 Thoughts of Randomness
63 428.21 0 The Islands of Qutar
64 415.81 0 Docky
65 391.93 2 Alversia
66 391.77 -1 Dariusville
67 383.68 -1 Tortuga y Hispaniola
68 369.76 0 Valetaland
69 357.81 0 Colbourne
70 346.54 0 Deceased Writers Guild
71 273.91 0 Vlaskin
72 99.68 0 Viltek
73 96.47 0 Saturday Sport
74 82.98 0 Miroxia
75 81.58 2 Chutnusak
76 68.26 -1 Panuul
77 53.60 1 The Bostopian Empire
78 51.52 -2 Swilatia
79 50.88 0 Australiah
80 34.82 0 Onimar
81 32.17 0 United Island Empires
82 -0.30 0 Seventy Ninth Entrant

Notes:

* Ranks only include teams participating in the World Cup!
* All zero-ranked (0) teams were given a uniform 100 score.

Daehanjeiguk

10-11-2008, 03:31

World Cup 43 Qualification - Group 6
RQ1: @ Krytenia 1-2 (@ Adanac)
MD1: vs (46) MSS 3-0 (@ Sanhaemun Football Stadium, Jinhwangdo - 60,000)
MD2: @ (118) Dariusville 2-0
MD3: vs (159) Vlaskin 4-0 (@ King Kim Iljei Memorial Football Stadium, Malnira - 55,000)
MD4: @ (19) Demot 2-1 (@ Masteron Stadium, Santa Rosa - 78,000)
MD5: vs (31) Krytenia 3-3 (@ Gwangdong Imperial Sports Complex and Stadium, Gwangju - 80,000)
MD6: @ (66) Greal 3-2 (@ Sasha Stadium - 120,000)
MD7: vs (165) Seventy Ninth Entrant 6-1 (@ Silk Road Stadium, Seoan - 56,000)
MQ1: vs Taeshan 4-2 (@ Seobanya National Football Stadium, Daebo - 50,000)
MD8: @ (46) MSS 1-5
MD9: vs (118) Dariusville 4-0 (@ Oromokjei Football Stadium, Oromokjei - 25,000)
MD10: @ (159) Vlaskin 1-2
MD11: vs (19) Demot 1-1 (@ Waella Football Stadium, Hanseong - 43,000)
MD12: @ (31) Krytenia 1-0
MD13: vs (66) Greal 3-0 (@ Munhwa Football Stadium, Hanseong - 65,000)
MD14: @ (165) Seventy Ninth Entrant 3-0

"... and there's the final whistle, here in the middle of some weird country. The final tally is 3-nil. But with Demot's win in the fundamentalitarian Catholic country, the Han are still in second position..."

They were all huddled outside the make-shift camp at dawn, watching the match. Baek was the most eager to see things go his way, but everyone else understood what happened if they won out. And things were certainly going their way.

"YES!!!" Baek yelled at the top of his lungs. "We've won the lottery! The Han, Demot, and Krytie all qualify. And since we're at 1-20 odds, we're going to win 20 million weon!" Baek suddenly danced a little jig, to the amazement of everyone else in the vicinity. Chan gruffed a little bit. "When I was your age, people only danced if they could."

Hong patted Chan's shoulder. "Fortunately, those times don't change."

"Mock me if you will," Baek replied. "We're going to be rich! And then we can make the bid for the property!" He quickly picked up his cell phone and dialed for Pak to come. "Pak, my man! Pick up our earnings and meet me outside of Jungan Street!"

A muffled response came over the phone, as Baek gleamed with even more joy than Min did. He was still thinking about what was needed to make things better. If they managed to win the auction, they would then need to rebuild their lot. Then they would have to win back customers. Buy back materials, equipment, renew contracts, and such. There was no way that it would be settled with just 20 million weon.

"Where is Seunghwa?" he then asked out of the blue. Truth was - she hadn't come back home after they had gone out to watch the match in Hanseong. Perhaps they had got lost?

=== Seventy-Ninth Entrant ===

Seunghwa had gone to SNE with Son, to watch the match. She didn't have a clue as to what to do - but she chose to stay with him. Son had a few friends with him - all men and all equally infatuated with the game as he was. They went the games top-bare and painted in red and gold paint. Son was the ridiculously dressed of them all, sporting very short red trousers with red paint covering virtually his entire body. To say the least, he looked like a little red devil.

But they went to the match and watched it all, cheering for every moment that the Han scored, and Song Jongguk took up the gauntlet, scoring his first international hat trick (and all from set pieces). And Son was a very wild person following the match. He was crying out cheers at random, and basically deriding every single

"Son-a," his friends reminded him, "Beating up the weakest team in the group isn't exactly a great thing."

They began to talk. Son defiantly defended the nature of the Han, claiming them to be heirs of the World Cup champions. Oh, he argued, and at times, his arguments seemed senseless. But they couldn't continue to argue with him, he had become too incensed to speak any speck of reason. But even seeing his vulgar side, Seunghwa was becoming more and more certain that she loved him. And why? Well, she couldn't explain it to herself, it was something that she just felt from deep within. Rationality was beyond her, as much as it was with Son. His rambunctious tirades had in time caught the attention of more militant SNE fans. And as much as he was a crazed fellow, the SNE fans proved to be as unwilling as he to back down. Honor was at stake - "We have to defend the honor of the Han!" he cried as they all went out into the fray. Seunghwa - having no other choice - followed them. It became a chaotic scene for certain, and the Han seemed to be on the delivering end (nearly every citizen is trained in martial arts... even the women), but Seunghwa was as frail as she was beautiful (and she was gorgeous). While Son was out leading the pack with his furious punches, a SNE crowd managed to overwhelm them by sheer numbers. Min found herself suddenly in a hostile crowd, and she screamed. "Son-a! Iljun-a!" And then suddenly all went blank.

Sometime later, Seunghwa woke up on a white bed. She looked around her, the bed encircled with vases of flowers. The scene was so peaceful, she wondered if she had gone to Heaven. The monotonous tone of the EKG assured her that she was still alive. She tried to rise out of bed, but her body ached so badly that she could hardly move.

"Agasshi, please stay calm," spoke a voice. It was an Imperial agent, wearing the badge of the Foreign Ministry. Even though SNE was not recognized as a sovereign free state, Han diplomatic personnel followed Han citizens wherever they went, to insure that their citizens would be treated fairly.

The agent called in another Ministry agent, wearing the tell-tale badge of the Hwarang. "Agasshi, I've been sent to collect details of the riots that occurred today. As you are a victim of the said riots, I'm hoping that you can help us in our investigation."

"Riot?" Min said.

"Yes. A riot sparked in the parking lots outside the stadium between Han citizens and foreign nationals. We're trying to ascertain the groups responsible for this travesty of incivility. Do you remember anything?"

"I don't... recall anything. I was..."

"It's alright, agasshi," the agent then said. "I'll come by later when you've better recuperated."

"Can we allow visitors?" the other agent asked.

"Yes. But she shouldn't be stressed. I'll work on getting her transfered out of the country and to a hospital at home." The agents left the room and moments later, Son came into the room, properly dressed for the first time since they had arrived in SNE. He immediately went over to Min's side and sat at the chair.

"I'm sorry about what's happened," he said

"What do you mean?" she replied, struggling to utter the words.

Son tried to explain himself, but he too found the words hard to say. "It shouldn't have ever gotten that far."

"It's okay."

"It's not okay... I've been such a fool."

Min wanted to say something in return, but she stalled as she thought of what to say.

"I've been a fool. I'm poisoned with this football," Son said. "Everything I think about is football. I'm... struggling at school, and I'm not doing too well at other things. And if they ever find out that I started this all... I'm probably not going to find a place at home for a while."

"It's alright."

"No, it's not alright! I've been such a fool..." Son stood up, at loss of what words to speak. "I've been following this past World Cup Qualifiers too closely, and I've been letting it get to my head. I'm sick with it."

"It's okay, Son-a."

"Why do you keep saying that? It's not okay! I'm probably going to lose my citizenship! Do you know what that means?"

Min shook her head.

"And look at what I did to you!"

Min looked at herself, trying hard despite her pain.

"A broken arm, a broken leg, stitches on your face, and not to mention that you went comatose for a few days. They thought that you were never going to wake up..."

Son broke down crying at that, sitting at the foot of the bed. Apparently he couldn't handle something about it - whether it was the mere thought of responsibility or the untold feelings deep inside him. Indeed, he was hardly handling his own emotions then, that he was bawling his eyes out. Seunghwa, hoping to make him feel better, smiled at him.

"I'm fine," she said.

Son shook his head, almost in disbelief. He wanted to assert that he had just ruined her life, but he was still weeping heavily. It was hard for him to keep his head held high, but he looked at her, wondering what sort of freak would let a good friend fall to a savage misery.

"It's alright. I still love you," she finally said.

The moment that she spoke those words, Son's eyes froze solid, as if in utter awe. The air suddenly turned tense, and Seunghwa felt as though she had spoken the wrong words. Son rose up again - rising with an air of epiphany - and left the room without another word. Seunghwa wanted to see Son again. Why did he leave?

=== Jungan Street ===

"Ah, Pak my man!" Baek cried. "You have the money!"

"Indeed, sir. It was difficult to collect our total earnings, but I've safely deposited the money in the bank."

Baek gaped a wide mouth reply. "Why? We need the money to pay for the auction!"

"Begging your pardon, sir, but the auction has already ended."

"What?" Min yelled. "Ended!!! And we are without hope now!"

"Ended?" Baek asked. "Since when."

"Since this morning, sir," Pak answered him. "I have been told that the highest priced bid won out."

"Who?" Min asked anxiously.

"Well, we did, Min Seonsaengnim."

"We?" everyone retorted in a short gruffy huff. How was that even possible?

"But we only bid our winnings from yesterday!" Baek replied.

"Indeed, sir."

"But you said that the highest bid was 12 million weon!"

"Of course, sir."

"So how does 2 million weon beat 12 million?" The question was brimming on everyone's minds at that time.

"Well, sir, if you may recall that there was a fire on the property," Pak answered.

"Of course, that's why we're outside the building now!"

"In due course, an interested investor visited the site and warned the master of the auction that the property had all burned down. Though the auction master tried to forestall any news from spreading, it was not long before the news of the fire had leaked to those other interested investors, and the bids were all withdrawn."

"How lucky!"

"Indeed, sir. When I presented him with our bid for 2 million weon, he took to desperation and accepted it as the final bid. I have the title and deeds in the car presently, sir."

"Title and deeds!" Min yelled in a great exhortation of joy. "Then we are not lost after all!"

"So now what?"

"Well, I did receive word from the Imperial Assembly that our proposal to receive additional allotments for the construction of additional transportation infrastructure has successfully passed. As such, our tenure in the Capital has come to a close, and we must depart to ensure the efficient and swift deposition of these new added public funds are put into good use."

"But what of the new property?" Baek asked, wondering of the fate for his tenants.

"Well, if need be, I can remain to ensure the enactment of a new contract for this property. And I can ensure the proper installation of a new building, so our tenants can have a good cover over their heads."

"Oh, will you, Pak?"

"Indeed, sir."

"Then let's do that!"

"Oh, you have our most sincere gratitude, Seonsaengnim!" Min said, following the discussion between Baek and Pak. "We are certainly indebted to your wisdom!"

"Think nothing of it, sir. I would first suggest the retirement of your company to a more secure location rather than in the middle of charred ruins of a former establishment."

Qazox

10-11-2008, 04:44

QNN
Where News Happens

We'd like to apologize for Tuesday's edition, in which we claimed that Qazox' win over the Holy Empire was its 200th. However, after re-searching the record books, it turns out that the 2-0 win on Tuesday over Urna Eletrônica was the 200th. We apologise for the mistake.

Well today a 2-1 win over Blouman Empire allowed Qazox to clinch a tie for the best overall record with Demot and Tynelia. Qazox was the best of the three, based unoffically on GD, with a +22GD, technically making Qazox the best team in qualifying.

The complete qualifying schedule and Results (Home games and Wins in BOLD):

MD1: @ Cokenia WIN 3-2 (Record: 1-0-0)
MD2: Swilatia WIN 5-0 (Record: 2-0-0)
MD3: @ Tortuga y Hispaniola WIN 3-2 (Record 3-0-0)
MD4: Az-cz WIN 6-3 (Record 4-0-0)
MD5: @ The Holy Empire LOSS 0-2 (Record 4-0-1)
MD6: Urna Eletrônica WIN 2-1 (Record 5-0-1)
MD7: Blouman Empire DRAW 1-1 (Record 5-1-1)
Friendly: defeated Vephrall 1-0 @ Valanora
MD8: Cokenia WIN 5-1 (Record 6-1-1)
MD9: @ Swilatia WIN 3-1 (Record 7-1-1)
MD10: Tortuga y Hispaniola W 3-1 (Record 8-1-1)
MD11: @ Az-cz DRAW 1-1 (Record 8-2-1) CLINCHED WORLD CUP BERTH
MD12: The Holy Empire WIN 3-1 (Record 9-2-1)
MD13: @ Urna Eletrônica WIN 2-0 (Record 10-2-1)
MD14: @ Blouman Empire WIN 2-1 (Record 11-2-1)

QAZOX SCORING today
Benjamin Ernst- 52'
Georgette Savoy- 81'

QAZOX OVERALL SCORING
Charles Marquis- 10
Raul de Olivares- 9
Yolanda Christian- 6
Bonnie Young- 2
Jason Erca- 2
Brittany Lopes- 2
Michelle de Barre- 2
Opal Howard- 2
Benjamin Ernst- 2
Georgette Savoy- 2
David Shultz- 1

<Commercial break>

The Insaneicans have surrendered, ending this month long conflict. While complete term of the surrender have not yet been released, QNN has found out that the enitre territories of Moonkins and Sawed will be administrated by Qazox directly, while Certifiably insane's territroy will be administrated jointly by Green wombat and Qazox.

Furhur Daniel Renoir will hold a press-conference at 2:00pm QST tommorrow to talk in more detail about the recent conflict and the surrender terms. QNN will carry the press conference live.

Stay tuned to QNN for more news as it happens.

Prux

10-11-2008, 04:50

ESPN Journal of Sport
January 5th, 1945

Prux @ Kelssek Game 14 of qualifying
by: Saul Werth

Dr. Mkembe scored 2 goals, despite being the only player on the pitch for Prux, as Kelssek's hastily-passed No-zombies law went into effect just minutes before the game. But no matter, Prux is still going to the World Cup, and Kelssek isn't, so there :p, you damnned-anti-zombie bastards.

MD1: vs. Bushdome W 3-1
MD2: vs. Thoughts of Randomness D 2-2
MD3: vs. Tynelia Lost 2-3
MD4: @ Yafor 2 D 1-1
MD5: vs. United Island Empires W 4-1
MD6: vs. West Zirconia W 3-1
MD7: vs. Kelssek W 2-0
QUALIFYING BREAK
MD8: @ Bushdome W 3-1
MD9: @ Thoughts of Randomness D 1-1
MD10: @ Tynelia L 0-4
MD11: vs. Yafor 2 D 1-1
MD12: @ United Island Empires W 3-2
MD13: @ West Zirconia W 2-1
MD14: @ Kelssek L 2-4

OVERALL: 7-4-3
HOME: 4-2-1
AWAY: 3-2-2
Projected: 8-3-3

Goal Scoring:
Zombie Ronaldo- 10
Zombie Just Fontaine- 7
Zombie Pelé- 5
Zombie Zinedine Zidane- 5
Dr. Mkembe- 2

Jeruselem

10-11-2008, 05:03

Jeruselem Government News

Secristan get the star treatment and get spanked on the field

Secristan came to Jeruselem to play the Princesses at Dazza Dallas Stadium. Jeruselem got the razzle dazzle treatment in Secristan, and Jeruselem returned the favour.

The team arrived in Jeruselem to be greeted a crowd of Jeruselemite schoolkids singing Secristani songs. The official greeting party included Pressident of the Jeruselem FA and Queen Mother, Dazza Dallas as well as Queen Katherine Alexandra Dallas and Princess Jacinta Sasha Dallas. Princess Marie-Antoinette Dallas was missing as she was playing with the Jeruselem World Cup team. The Secristani team got a five star hotel to themselves.

Anyone who could prove they were Secristani, got half-price tickets to watch the game at Dazza Dallas Stadium. The start of the game included the two Jacintas (Jacinta Sallad and Dallas) singing the Jeruselem and Secristani anthems as well as some local female dancers. Secristani officials mixed with Jeruselem royalty as well as some of the big shots in Jeruselem business. There was even an Orthodox Bishop and Catholic Archbishop there.

The kindness did not extend to the football field. Jeruselem routed Secristan SIX NIL to take Group 9. KP and Pistachio-nut-1093-1337-land also had convincing wins. Dazza Dallas Stadium proved again to be a fortress for Jeruselem hopes and Jeruselem did not lose one game at home - nor did it drop any points. Dazza Dallas later apologised for her team routing Secristan but she said Jeruselem weren't a charity on the football field.

The end of the game ended with 1093 schoolkids running around dressed as Pistachio nuts, doing a song and dance - singing in Septentrionian. The display was choreographed by former World Cup player, Scarlett Ferris who is Septentrionian herself.

The Secristani team were treated to some belly dancing from Kate Sallad and Princess Marie-Antoinette Dallas later at an informal event and handled out some gifts.

Green wombat

10-11-2008, 05:05

THE HEXAGON REPORT
It's News, Because We Say So!

Wow we beat Onimar 2-1. But since we are going to the CoH, for the first time in 8 years, it doesn't really matter does it?

SCHEDULE:
(NOTE: All home matches will be played at: Green wombat Field, aka: "The Barracks": The Hexagon. Capacity: 66,666.)
MD1: @ An Blascaod Mór WIN 2-1
MD2: vs Valetaland LOST 1-2
MD3: @ The Archregimancy Draw 1-1
MD4: vs Jasiyun/Jaseuyeon LOST 0-2
MD5: @ Sorthern Northland WIN 1-0
MD6: vs Nethertopia WIN 1-0
MD7: vs Onimar WIN 5-1
MD8: vs An Blascaod Mór LOST 0-2
MD9: @ Valetaland Draw 1-1
MD10: vs The Archregimancy Draw 2-2
MD11: @ Jasiyun/Jaseuyeon WIN 2-1
MD12: vs Sorthern Northland WIN 2-0
MD13: @ Nethertopia LOST 1-2
MD14: @ Onimar WIN 2-1
OVERALL RECORD: 7-4-3

FINAL Qualifying Ranks (1st Place Votes in Bold Italics)

TOP 15 POLL
(All Top 15 teams have qualified for World Cup)
Rank/Prev.
1/1 Qazox 11-2-1 5
2/2 Demot 11-2-1 4
3/4 Tynelia 11-2-1 3
4/3 Starblaydia 11-1-2 3
5/5 Dancougar 10-2-2
6/6 Kura-Pelland 10-1-3
7/7 Yafor 2 10-2-2
8/10 Milchama 10-3-1
9/11 The Holy Empire 9-3-2
10/12 Daehanjeiguk 10-2-2
11/9 Cafundéu 9-3-2
12/13 Jeruselem 11-0-3
13/14 Candelaria And Marquez 9-3-2
14/15 Capitalizt SLANI 9-2-3
15/8 Bostopia 10-2-2

FELL OUT:
NONE

TEAMS that Qualified this Week
Yafalonia and Bazor 2
Wentland
Terreiro de Ogum
Septentrionia
Lovisa
Krytenia

Nothing changed in the bottom 5 as Seventy Ninth Entrant finished with the worst record, and Onimar joined the list. the unlucky 77th spot goes to: Magna Sancta Sedes, for having the best record AND not to qualify for the World Cup. (it is a joking rank, MCS, don't get too mad).

BOTTOM FIVE
76: Onimar 1-3-10
77: Magna Sancta Sedes 8-2-4 Best team not to qualify for WC (ss man)
78: Thoughts of Randomness 0-5-9
79: United Island Empires 0-3-11
80: Seventy Ninth Entrant 0-2-12

Secristan

10-11-2008, 11:52

MILLIONAIRES GO OUT IN STYLE

The Millionaires may have lost by a touchdown (and missed extra point) to Jeruselem, but in no means does the 6-0 result reflect a failure. In fact most people were all smiles at the conclusion of the game, especially the Secristan Department of Sports, as the total revenues for the World Cup 43 effort far exceeded expectations. A big boost in this was the team’s halfway decent start which got many Secristanis interested in the games and had them actually think they had a shot. This enabled a lot of the games in the middle portion of the schedule to be extremely profitable, especially the home game against Jeruselem. It also helped with some of the duds on the schedule such as the matches with Chutnusak and Deceased Writers Guild that sandwiched the home Jeruselem game like two men on a Dallas. By the time the Millionaires began to play poorly, many of the late away games had already been purchased, so it didn’t really matter that much. It actually worked out very well for the SDOS, as if we had lost the games early instead of late, a lot of this revenue likely would not have been generated.

In Jeruselem, our Millionaires were treated very well by the Princesses and by the new President of the Jeruselem FA, Dazza Dallas, and it began immediately as soon as they stepped foot into the country, and we must thank for this outstanding treatment. It is likely that several business deals were made in the stands, and all Secristani officials at the game completely enjoyed themselves. Said SDOS Rep Katie Simpson, “They really went out of their way to accommodate us and we are very appreciative of that. I had a great time here, the Dallas family are truly individuals that the whole world can look up too for several different reasons.” Simpson was just one of many Secristani upper class treated very well.

On the field, Jeruselem showed why they are one of the best teams in the world and the kind of killer instinct that just may make this their year.

Kura-Pelland

10-11-2008, 13:08

This wasn't in the script. Kura-Pelland appear to have either peaked at the right time or ever-so-slightly too early, and caught a nervous KaMaRi completely by surprise with a sensational 5-0 away win.

Going into the game, the home side needed only to match Septentrionia's result against already-eliminated Kenavt, although Septentrionia could go through by winning by three goals more than KaMaRi. As it turned out, though, Septentrionia won 3-0, but KaMaRi were behind by that same margin within twenty minutes, with Harry Oughton the star - scoring one from a free-kick and creating others for Fiero and Phelps (the latter headed from a corner). Fiero added a fourth just before half-time against a shell-shocked defence; the nation's Rejistanian origins were nowhere to be seen as Fiero was left unchallenged to run 40 yards into the penalty box before scoring with ease. Substitute Prince Ogunde added a fifth in the last five minutes, but most of the second half was processional and played in front of a half-empty stadium as fans left in despair.

The draw for the finals is next on the minds of fans - all will be hoping to be playing their games in Vephrall.

Jeruselem

10-11-2008, 13:32

Jeruselem Government News

Marie asks Monks to behave at Church of the Holy Sepulchre

Princess Marie-Antoinette Dallas, spokeschick for the the King of Jeruselem pleaded with the Monks in Church of the Holy Sepulchre

"It's not a good look having Christian monks fighting inside the Church of the Holy Sepulchre. I know the churches have their difference but for the sake of God, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit ... can this silly nonsense stop! People see Monks as Holy men of Holy book not a bunch of brawling idiots like we saw. And then we had to send in armed Inquisition troops to stop it spreading. It's not my place to order Monks around but all we ask is to keep a lid on things. I've ordered the Inquisition to hang around the place in case it happens again. Please we don't want Monks fighting like squabbling schoolgirls! I'm sure they don't want to compared to schoolgirls either."

Candelaria And Marquez

10-11-2008, 20:53

The National Reporter Online>Global Edition>Sport>Football Shorts

Emphatic Blues leave Healy with food for thought A C&M side resting several key players equalled the Big Blues’ best-ever competitive performance and gave manager Kris Healy cause to reconsider his starting XI for the opening World Cup group stage game.

A diving header from Arrigo Portuguese forward Richard Johansson in the fourth minute of second-half stoppage time gave the visitors a five-nil victory in Colbourne, bringing to a close a thoroughly unpredictable eighth qualifying campaign for C&M in fine fashion. The result equalled previous performances against the East Antairees and Kosovoe, but part of Healy must have been cursing – for this result could yet cause him to rethink much of his pre-WC43 planning.

The back four and goalkeeper appear safe, despite Andrés Quirot and Caleb Christmas’ fine performances in Colbourne. More interesting will be the fate of the rest of the 4-4-2, with Jamie González and Aaron Kortsarian wide on the flanks and Connor Mengucci and Jack Marshall in the centre. Tom Smith and Joe Cunningham started up front, registering a first-half brace and second-half tap-in respectively, alongside Kortsarian’s low drive for his fourth in senior C&M colours, but the goals were merely the icing on a utterly dominant all-round display, with Marshall and González – both having looked set to miss out on starting roles in Vephrall or the Eesseff – the fulcrum of a slick passing side.

Following the game, and in an obvious bout of hint-droppery to his preferred team, Healy confirmed the return to a 4-2-3-1 for the home friendly encounter with the Eesseff, with Kortsarian and Abdul Ibadulla the only alterations from the side named for the opening qualifier against the Universitus School. Ibadulla’s experience against many of the visiting side may well have tipped him the nod ahead of Smith, but a poor performance could well see the Arrigo Portuguese striker return in place of the Juavi FC forward in a few short weeks. The long-term fate of Matteo Corradini, absent for the final two qualifying games, also remains unclear, but the under-fire Albrecht FC and national team captain will be eager to play; not only against the Eesseff, but in the friendly against Taeshan as well. Should he pick up two caps in these games, he will require six more to reach one hundred – though this would still require C&M to make at least a semi-final run at the World Cup finals.

CAMAFA claims Marlow friendly status ‘unconfirmed’ The official standing of the first of the Big Blues’ two post-qualifying friendlies remains uncertain tonight, after CAMAFA Acting President Sam Mc O’Neil told TV1 that the match had been organised without his organisation’s consent.

His claims were rapidly refuted by staff at Zapata’s Marlow Park stadium, who offered to provide the press with documentation clearly indicating that the game had been arranged months in advance, but the row quickly raised doubts over the participation of Kris Healy’s official twenty-three man World Cup squad.

Political figures from both Albrecht and Zapata have been drafted in to diffuse the problem, and in the last half-hour a spokesman for the team confirmed that the game would go ahead as expected, despite renewed threats from the CAMAFA that all appearances made and goals scored by the home side would not be formally recorded. “As far as we’re concerned,” a spokesman for football’s governing body in C&M told this paper, “we have one post-qualifying friendly – the now traditional fixture with Taeshan, in Taeshan. The players can do whatever they like between now and then, but woe betide any of them who aren’t on that plane to Atlantea when the call comes.”

The Albrecht Foreign Office does not maintain formal relations with the Eesseff, and its national football team is on a blacklist formally prohibiting non-essential matches on Candelariasian shores, owing to the illegal annexation of Vyinta and suggestions of recent state-sponsored genocide in Turruth Gordur. The Green Island government, however, has continued to maintain and increase contact with their counterparts in the Eesseff over recent months, despite continued hostility to the semi-autonomous island province’s choices in overseas relations by the Candelaria And Marquez national government. Earlier this week, President Robyn Morton described Prime Minister Russell Lawrence’s refusal to suspend contacts as “a major blot on my [Modern Liberal Party] colleague’s moral authority in one of [our] country’s most respected territories”.

***

“…of the utmost importance that if you absolutely have to permit the entry of a few hundred Vanorians, you keep them contained! I trust you have contingency plans in place…”

“Minister, please! We’re not a bunch of slavic hicks from out west, we’re very used to having all sorts of visitors for Negroes games in the Champions’ Cup, and so forth. We’ll keep them all down Ponsonby Street, and make sure that all the shop assistants and so forth are… properly selected…”

Jenny Harris, the Minister for Remedial Teaching and stuff, tried not to cringe. It wasn’t that her MLP colleagues on the Candelarias’ third island were all vile racists, per se. They’d opened their arms and shop tills to the Vanorians, after all, and they were a whole other species. They were just a tad parochial and, unlike their peers on most of the rest of the Outliers, took a perverse delight in it. It was a sort of ironic gesture, apparently.

She and Ellen Kidd, Green Island’s first ever foreign minister, stood in the centre of Queen’s Street, getting gently damp by the replica fountain hastily constructed some time ago following the signing of the twinning agreement with Bassabook. The thought that had occupied her mind throughout the ferry trip over – “What the bloody hell are they playing at?” – had largely given way to a stiff upper lip by now. The elves were coming, in pretty impressive numbers by all account, to a small city hopelessly unprepared for the influx of imaginary beings, whether Albrecht liked it nor not. It wasn’t as though you could even shove them in a pub and get them thoroughly rat-arsed, like you could gnomes and dwarves and whatnot. There was bound to be interaction with locals, and pointy ears would be the least of her worries if it all kicked off.

“…nd we’ll see if we can’t get Tom Smith playing from the start, of course,” Kidd was rambling on, “him being a local boy, and all. It’d be nice if they play Roger Zetaback as well, but beggers can’t be choosers. We’re just grateful that the world champions have deigned to visit our humble island!”

Jenny allowed her mouth to drop pointedly open. “For heaven’s sake, Ellen!” she hissed, “have you not got the faintest clue how potentially volatile this situation is? We’ve had to move hundreds of M.O.R.T. agents and counsellors and reprogrammers out here, just to make sure that no islanders manage to grasp the right end of the stick! And all for this little vanity project! Why the hell did you invite them, anyway? As if we haven’t got enough to worry about…”

The older woman frowned. “I don’t care for your tone, Jenny. And for the record, they invited themselves. We could hardly say no, this is a tremendous opportunity for fostering friendly bilateral relations with a valuable ally, even if your government doesn’t see that.”

“My government is your government too, Mrs Kidd. I don’t want to pull rank in the middle of the high street, but you’re nothing more than a glorified local council – just remember that. We’re agreeing to this because there doesn’t seem to be any way out, but if anything goes wrong, make no mistake – we can topple your ridiculous little ‘government’ in an instant.”

“You haven’t done an especially good job of it so far,” Ellen smiled, pausing to sign an autograph for a passing hoodie. “Island people want island governance, Mz Harris. They don’t want decisions made in faraway Albrecht to effect their daily lives…”

“You’re closer to Albrecht than most of Candelaria, what’re you on about?! Look, Ellen, we’re not talking about how many bin collections you get a week, or even whether you can teach spherical earth theory in primary schools! This is about making sure the ‘Marlow Park faithful’ don’t realise they’re watching bloody elves week-in week-out, never mind tomorrow!”

There was a pause. The foreign minister’s face took on a pallid tone.

“Sorry?”

She doesn’t know. Holy mother of shit; she doesn’t know. She’s the bloody foreign minister of this bloody island, and they haven’t even told her!

“Um…”

Ellen dropped her voice to a whisper. “Look, minister, I do appreciate that the Vanorians aren’t very nice people. I do. But the Prime Minister is awfully keen and, you know… It’s important to build bridges, don’t you think?”

“Ye-es…” Jenny said weakly.

“We’ll make sure our people and theirs are kept apart as often as possible. I promise.”

The younger woman sighed. “That’s all we ask.”

“Good.” Ellen smartened her suit briskly. “What was that about elves, anyway? I must’ve missed that cultural reference.”

“It’s… Nothing. It doesn’t matter.”

The stood together in silence, getting steadily damper.

“I really should ask someone to fix this fountain,” Ellen mused quietly.

“Absolutely,” Jenny grinned sadly. “What else is a government for?”

Krytenia

10-11-2008, 22:07

"...seconds left to go now in this match. In the other game, Demot winning one-nil in the Unholy See. Here's Wolverton...short pass to Austin - oh, but a good tackle there - and there is the whistle! And there are six minutes of injury time in Magna Sancta Sedes!

"The Krytenian players are huddled in the centre circle...and it looks like someone's tuned in the video screen to the MSS-Demot game! And Demot are braking here...can't see who's on the ball...THAT'S A GOAL THOUGH!!! THAT IS A DEMOT GOAL! TWO-NIL!!!"

......

"AND THERE IS THE WHISTLE!!! PACK YOUR BAGS!!! PACK YOUR SHIRTS!!! SACK YOUR PRIESTS!!!! WE ARE GOING TO THE WORLD CUP!!!!!!"

Elves Security Forces

11-11-2008, 01:33

Friendly Results (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14195832&postcount=18)

Daehanjeiguk

11-11-2008, 04:04

Today's Sponsor is Daehan Airliines, and the prize is free plane tickets for your team to go attend the World Cup! And your winners for the day!

Most points earned (PQ): Rennidan (+11.11)

Most ranks earned (PQ): Valanora (+3)

Congratulations to the winners!

And your updated PQ ranks:

1 971.49 0 Bostopia
2 942.07 0 Starblaydia
3 933.95 0 Tynelia
4 931.27 0 Demot
5 925.85 0 The Archregimancy
6 925.01 0 Capitalizt SLANI
7 924.75 3 Valanora
8 922.63 -1 Daehanjeiguk
9 920.65 -1 Milchama
10 915.28 -1 Cafundéu
11 914.77 0 Dancougar
12 913.12 0 Qazox
13 909.85 0 Bazalonia
14 909.78 0 Jeruselem
15 909.20 0 Yafor 2
16 899.48 0 Candelaria And Marquez
17 894.05 0 Ad’ihan
18 893.36 0 The Holy Empire
19 880.88 0 Wentland
20 857.42 0 Kura-Pelland
21 856.90 0 Jasīʼyūn
22 854.39 0 Sorthern Northland
23 847.58 0 Septentrionia
24 844.85 0 Lovisa
25 840.12 0 Vephrall
26 838.14 1 Rennidan
27 826.46 1 Az-cz
28 822.43 -2 Krytenia
29 814.99 0 Yafalonia and Bazor 2
30 802.66 0 Jeru FC
31 800.55 0 Kelssek
32 799.25 0 Prux
33 790.34 0 Taeshan
34 775.77 0 Blouman Empire
35 762.43 1 Magna Sancta Sedes
36 760.35 1 Quakmybush
37 746.06 -2 Newmanistan
38 740.02 0 Green wombat
39 727.37 0 Terreiro de Ogum
40 698.05 0 KaMaRi
41 685.85 0 Land de Wood
42 680.65 0 The Macabees
43 678.76 0 Kenavt
44 673.08 0 Kosovoe
45 653.24 0 An Blascaod Mor
46 638.68 0 West Zirconia
47 628.49 1 Arroza
48 624.59 -1 Liventia
49 601.94 0 Universitus University
50 598.31 0 Greal
51 568.98 0 Urna Eletrônica
52 563.03 0 Magnus Valerius
53 560.81 1 Myedvedeya
54 551.77 -1 Glaycia
55 510.36 0 Nethertopia
56 507.59 0 Cokenia
57 506.46 0 Cassadaigua
58 491.63 0 Linpada
59 489.37 0 Secristan
60 458.89 0 Bushdome
61 456.86 0 Kjomasasopia
62 432.62 0 Thoughts of Randomness
63 428.21 0 The Islands of Qutar
64 415.81 0 Docky
65 391.93 0 Alversia
66 391.77 0 Dariusville
67 383.68 0 Tortuga y Hispaniola
68 369.76 0 Valetaland
69 357.81 0 Colbourne
70 346.54 0 Deceased Writers Guild
71 273.91 0 Vlaskin
72 99.68 0 Viltek
73 96.47 0 Saturday Sport
74 82.98 0 Miroxia
75 81.58 0 Chutnusak
76 68.26 0 Panuul
77 53.60 0 The Bostopian Empire
78 51.52 0 Swilatia
79 50.88 0 Australiah
80 34.82 0 Onimar
81 32.17 0 United Island Empires
82 -0.30 0 Seventy Ninth Entrant

Notes:

* Ranks only include teams participating in the World Cup!
* All zero-ranked (0) teams were given a uniform 100 score.

And your winners!

Each winner gets a trophy designating their place in history.

Top Five Rank Gains
16 Dancougar
15 Demot
11 Viltek
8 Tynelia
5 Urna Eletrônica

Top Five Performing Teams
96.36 Demot
96.05 Bostopia
89.68 Dancougar
88.29 Tynelia
86.26 Starblaydia
75.63 Daehanjeiguk
71.73 Yafor 2
70.40 Candelaria And Marquez

*Because Dancougar, Demot, and Tynelia already won a prize, they don't get another one :p

Five Worst Rank Gains
-8 Bazalonia
-9 Valanora
-9 Jeruselem
-9 Wentland
-10 Australiah

Five Worst Performing Teams
-93.05 Dariusville
-100.30 Seventy Ninth Entrant
-100.67 Thoughts of Randomness
-102.29 Glaycia
-116.64 Cokenia

Dancougar

11-11-2008, 06:01

Dancougar News!!
Mmmm. MS IGLOO. Aaaaauuuuauuuauuauuuaugh.

Reserves stop Alversia: With three points in Lovisa, the Wings were assured of a trip to Vephrall or Valanora for the World Cup. But with two games to go, the backups were given some valuable playing time. They passed their first test, defeating Alversia 2-0 in front of a National Stadium crowd which expected the team to take the points needed to clinch a second place finish.

The Wings allowed Alversia to dictate the pace early as the makeshift lineup got accustomed to each other. They say practice makes perfect, but there's nothing like an actual game to get your feet wet. Milan van der Horst, Anthony Ingram, and Benjamin Whittaker were the only regulars in the starting eleven for coach Solomon Bilbao. Dancougar got no clean looks at goal until twenty minutes in, and in that time, backup goalie Grady Saville made two saves to keep the game scoreless.

Shiro Furuya picked up his first goal of the tournament in the 35th minute with a superb effort, receiving the ball some 25 yards out and weaving past two defenders. His shot was low and just nicked the inside of the far post. The Wings took that lead into halftime and padded it in the 61st through Ingram, who has had a very quiet tournament. It was also his first. The goal seemed to energize him a little bit, and he got more involved in the attack as the game went on. His passes were sticking and his coverage was holding back the Alversia attack.

"Tony has the talent, but he's been letting himself be a follower the entire time," said Bilbao. "I pulled him aside and told him I didn't question his right to be here, but I wanted to see him get into some rhythm. In this kind of situation, he's one of three regulars in the lineup, so he had to step up and be more assertive, more of a leader. And I think he did well."

Dancougar's victory was their ninth of qualifying, matching their effort from World Cup 42, when they finished 9-3-2. Two of those wins were playoff games.

Rockets grounded; return to Cup of Harmony: The last place Brian Carson wanted to go after the final game of qualifying was home.

Newmanistan will be staying put for the Cup of Harmony, which they will co-host with West Zirconia, after last night's 4-1 loss to Dancougar in Dover City. Despite getting the necessary help from Starblaydia, 2-0 winners over Lovisa, they were unable to take care of their own business. Not only did they lose possession of the Golden Ambiguous Bird on Skates, the challenge cup passed between the teams, but they lost the opportunity to compete in their first World Cup. The team has had great success on the youth level, but for the senior side, the wait continues.

"I feel bad for coach Carson; they're had misses like this before," said Solomon Bilbao, who guided the Wings to their fourth straight World Cup after inheriting the team from Sel Appan Charles DuPont. "But we didn't come down here to lose." The three-goal margin tied the largest victory by either side, and if the Wings weren't hated rivals before this game, they will be, now.

Bilbao did not start as many backups as he did against Alversia. Jared Matthews and Alexei Voronzoff started in the midfield, Brad Leeds filled in for defender Sho Yukikaze, and Shiro Furuya played for Shishio Jinguuji. They could feel the energy pulsing through the stadium. After all, this game was Newmanistan's last chance. But the Wings were the ones who came out with all the fire. Furuya struck the post two minutes in, and the shot rattled more than the woodwork. The crowd sucked in its collective breath as it sailed past Chris Kusler, and the echo of the hit could be heard clearly throughout the stadium.

Two more minutes and the game saw its first goal. Voronzoff sprung Benjamin Whittaker down the left side of the field, and he lofted a cross into the box which found the head of Dan Potts. Potts nodded it down and Kusler swiped hopelessly at air. Just like that, it was 1-0. The camera caught the shot that said it all - Jeremy Brooker looking at the ball, just shaking his head. This was not how the script was supposed to play out. Before ten minutes were up, the Wings almost made it two when Shiro Furuya slipped through the back line and had it tackled away at the last moment by Scott LaFave.

With their handle on the game slipping, the Rockets turned to the one-man momentum swinger. Brett Prescott had to take control of the midfield, and the sudden arrival of Dale Stevens as a deputy enforcer soon as the Rockets producing more positive play. The first fifteen minutes were withstood with no change to the score, and Shawn Drummond got the fans back into the game with a stinger that Yuji Watanabe could only parry over the bar. Things started to open up. Another change by Drummond was followed by an Anthony Ingram effort that Kusler confidently snapped out of midair. The crowd started to become more vocal, but the equalizer remained elusive. In the 38th, the Rockets got their best chance of the first half when Alex Parnett ripped one from 25 yards out that Brett Carlson just got a foot to, but the redirection was cleared reflexively by Watanabe.

In the 41st, Dancougar once again spoiled the mood by netting their second. Whittaker was once again the man who started it, pushing it past Stevens and winning a corner by trying to whip it across the middle. He took it quick and short, and Voronzoff showed another spark of brilliance by picking out Kevin Underwood's run into the box. He outjumped Brooker and nodded it home to make it 2-0, which was how they went into the locker room. The Rockets had certainly played the last half hour more closely than the scoreline indicated, and one had to wonder if another one of Newmanistan's miracle comebacks was in the works. They still needed help from the Purple People Eaters, who went into halftime with Lovisa tied 0-0.

Right after the break, it looked like that's exactly what would happen. Carson must have said all the right things, because the Rockets played a higher-tempo, more inspired brand of football out of the gate. In minute 50, the crowd was on their feet as Jeremy McAllister - who else? - pulled one back. Stevens slid hard into Ingram and won the ball. The referee whistled play on, and the ball fell to Parnett, who whipped in a cross for Drummond. He beat Casey Berber for the shot, and Watanabe could not hold onto the save. McAllister popped up right behind him for the tap-in goal, but there was no celebration. He simply grabbed the ball and ran it back to the center circle while throwing up his free hand to pump up the crowd.

"Mac never quits, and when he's down, he's right where he wants to be," said Berber, who faces off against McAllister twice a year as a member of the Newmanistani league's Centralia Cougars. "He thrives under those conditions and always gets the big goals."

With forty minutes to play, the Rockets needed two more. The Wings weren't quite on the back heel, but the momentum had definitely shifted. Carlson nearly equalized in the 56th with a low shot that he almost threaded through the back line, but Leeds was able to deflect it wide. The Wings fired back through Potts, who ripped one from 20 yards that Kusler watched sail a yard wide of the post. A roar from the crowd in the 61st as Starblaydia went up 1-0. Another as McAllister won a corner kick that Dancougar barely cleared. The script was starting to play out for the Rockets; all they needed was the finishing touch.

Five minutes later, the dream was in tatters. Voronzoff stepped into a Prescott pass intended for a streaking Drummond and fired a through ball for Potts. Potts pushed it wide of LaFave and started a two-on-two break with Furuya in the middle. The Rockets hurried back to cover the play; the Wings rushed forward. Potts turned on goal and waffled between making a pass and taking the shot. As soon as he was inside the eighteen, he fired a pass across the middle. Tony Borsinger ran right past it and stuck his foot out to try and tip it, but his momentum was too great. It fell to Whittaker, who took a one-time shot which flew past Kusler. It was 3-1 in the 66th, and suddenly it was time to panic.

Calvin Lane came on as an extra attacking option, and the Rockets pushed for the equalizer. News of Starblaydia's second goal fell on deaf ears; all attention was on the Rockets. They had twenty minutes to score three goals. Lane announced his arrival with a shot that Watanabe just barely got a hand to, sending it into the seats for a corner. But as with so many other set pieces, the Rockets came up empty. The minutes ticked away. Seventy five. Eighty. Eighty five. Newmanistan continued to throw men forward, and the Wings were content to sit back and let them take their shots. Watanabe made six saves in the final half hour to keep the lead at two goals, and with under ten minutes to go, Newmanistan boots were feeling heavier and the air was growing thicker.

In the 87th, Potts put the game beyond doubt with a volley that caught Kusler by surprise. He retreated backwards and swiped at the ball, but it fell just under the bar and into the net. It was Dancougar's sixth straight win in qualifying, and third straight on the road. Heads hung low as the whistle blew, and the Rockets knew they should have done better. It would go into the books as another close call, and it was off to the Cup of Harmony to defend the title. But with the children of the current Newmanistan team in attendance, and many of them footballs, one can only guess if this defeat will leave a mark on the coming generation...

[B]Rankings update: Oh man, we totally forgot about these things. Well, the Wings did drop off the radar for awhile, but rattling off six straight will get you some attention. Some of it's coming from the Han, where a shiny trophy from the number ministry announces Dancougar's spot in computer rankings history as one of the biggest gainers in qualifying. It will join the trophy from Baptism of Fire 26 in the case over at the FA, so kudos to that.

KPB: 22 (Prev: 23)
ILA: 11 (Prev: 13)
HEX: 5 (Prev: 5)

So that's done. Now, in a perfect world, the Wings would use this perception of their strength to land a high-profile game against another leading nation. Half of the teams involved in qualifying would be paired up like so, maybe everyone over .500 or so, and they'd play one more game apiece. Then we'd have another round of voting and determine a champion. That's fair, since we get good even matchups against the top teams. At least, that's what we want to see, but nooooooo, now we have to all pack up and go play some kind of playoff tournament thingy.

This is far too important to leave to the players. What happens in playoffs? Freak results happen, referees blow calls, and teams that shouldn't win, win. Then you don't get the matchups between elite teams that would really tell you who's the best of the pack, you have to deal with bracket busters and lucky teams who shouldn't be there because they lack the historical prestige and heavy media coverage that showcases true greatness to the world. Surely we can all agree on the two best teams in the world based on their body of work so far. It's the civilized way to go.

(Editor's note: The columnist has just been sacked.)

Jeru FC

11-11-2008, 06:26

Ryan Greenly with talking with ex-Jeru FC player Nok Em Downe ...

Nok: Hey, it's the man!
Ryan: I'm just the coach, the team are ones who actually do the work.
Nok: I heard you had a hot date yesterday!
Ryan: It wasn't a date Nok.

Nok: Come on, it was.
Ryan: It was a business meeting.
Nok: So who was the girl? Dazza Dallas right?
Ryan: It wasn't Dazza, and she's a grandmother not a girl these days.

Nok: Kate Sallad.
Ryan: Kate Sallad doesn't get involved with Jeru FC.
Nok: Princess Marie then!
Ryan: Not her either.

Nok: Must be Jewbee Dallas then!
Ryan: Not Princess Jacinta either.
Nok: Jacinta Sallad then!
Ryan: Not at all.

Nok: It's not my Sadie I assume.
Ryan: Nope, not Sadie.
Nok: It's not a Sallad or Dallas ... hey, it's Ricci Alexander right!
Ryan: Yeah, Moany's little girl.

Nok: Business meeting, with a poledancer?
Ryan: She does make money out of poledancing, it's a business to her. She's pretty expensive to hire ...
Nok: She's going give you any free services!
Ryan: As I said before, it wasn't a date.

Nok: So what was it about?
Ryan: If the team actually make the 2nd round, they'll get a treat.
Nok: I see! Why poledancing women then!
Ryan: Well, they like that kinda thing. They aren't exactly Monks.

Nok: Oh yes, Ricci is much like her mother.
Ryan: They aren't stupid either unlike your Dopey.
Nok: Hehe, Sadie doesn't mind being stupid. Her mother Rashina was quite smart though.
Ryan: Yeah, pity. Being in the army gives your kids brain damage ...

Qazox

11-11-2008, 06:45

QNN
Where News Happens

We now take you live to Furhur Daniel Renoir's press conference about the cessation of hostilities between Qazox and the Northern territories.

<Screen shows a podium with the Furhur's seal with microphones>

Off screen voice: "Ladies and Gentlemen, The Furhur!"

<Daniel Renoir walks to the podium, while a smattering of applause can be heard in the background>

Renoir: "Ladies and Gentlemen of the Qazoxian Media, and other international media, whom are watching this from their nations. All hostilties between Qazox and the nations of Sawed, Moonkins and Certifiably insane have ended. After a tense three days of talks, The former nations have agreed to be annexed into both Qazox and Green wombat. The territory of Mookins and Sawed will be annexed by Qazox, while the approximately 95% of Certifiably insane will be under Green wombat's jurisdiction. The remaining 5% of land will be held in Qazox' jurisdiction. As for the peoples of those nations, they will be welcomed with open arms into Qazox, or Green wombat; and upon a loyality oath, be full citizens of Qazox with all rights and privledges thereof. As for the terrorist group, AMANDA, while there are still members of that illegitemate organization, Qazox' military will remain in the annexed territories, until all remaining members of AMANDA are either caught or killed. As for the conflicts elsewhere within the continuum, Qazox has recognized Taeshan's and Sativaville's claims over the territories won in their conflicts, and expects the remaining nations of the continuum to do the same. Any questions? John?"

John Forrest (Qazox City Herald): "Sir, this is a two part question. First, just how long will the miltary stay within the new territories? And secondly, is your ultimatum of last week still in effect?"

Renoir: "As to the first question, they will stay there until the job of hunting down every last terrorist is completed. As for the second, the ultimatum is withdrawn, pending confirmation of certain issues within those territories. Next question, Rene?"

Rene de Farge (SaxerVilla View): "Sir, are the newly annexed territories going to be allowed to choose their own governors, and if so, when would the soonest elections be?"

Renoir: "As of now, they will have military governors, for a period of now less than 18 months. After that, it depends on the population of those territories, as the sooner they fulfill the terms of the treaty, the sooner they will be able to elect their own governors? I see Bishop Henry's had raised, Bishop?"

Bishop Henry of Vallhalla: "Furhur, regarding the Qazian religion and in a way, the electoral college, will the newly acquired territories be divided as to allow more regions, or will they be under the jurisdiction of the state?"

Renoir: "Bishop, I have a meeting with the Holy Oxen later today to discuss such matters. I believe that it is up to him as to whether or not to add more elected bishoprics or not. As for the territories themselves, in a secular matter, they will, upon fulfillment of the terms of treaty be divided as evenly as the current regions are. One more question. I see someone with a child, come forward, sir. May I ask you and your lovely daughter's name?"

Unknown man: "My daughter's name in Danielle, Furhur. She is named after you. My name is Henry Talbot, sir."

Renoir: "Mr. Talbot, is it? May I ask why did you bring your daughter here today?"

Talbot: "To witness history, Furhur."

Renoir: "History? I suppose that far into the future, this day shall be deemed a historical one and I hope that those of the future will appreciate this day as well. Are those flowers your daughter is carrying, Mr. Talbot?"

Talbot: "Yes sir, they are for you. I didn't expect to be called up in front of all this media, sir. I was hoping to speak with you privately."

Renoir: "As much as I would like to spend time with you today Mr. Talbot, unfortunately, duties of the state call and I must be going, sir."

Talbot (to his daughter): "Danielle, please give the Furhur his flowers."

<Danielle gives the flowers to the Furhur, admidst many flashes of cameras.>

Renoir: "Thank you Danielle for such a wonderful gift."

(Danielle says something too soft for the Furhur to hear)

Renoir: "May you repeat that, I didn't quite hear that, Danielle."

(Danielle repeats what she just said a bit louder, the Furhur hears it, but it isn't picked up by the mircophones)

Renoir: "Good-bye? What do you mean, Good-."

<The bundle of flowers explodes in a flash of light, killing the Furhur, Danielle, Mr. Talbot and everyone in the room, as the last thing any camera records is the flash of light, then static>

Elves Security Forces

11-11-2008, 17:08

Valanora Times
It's All Green To Me

So, for the first time in their history, the Marauders have made a trip down to the islands of Candelaria and Marquez for a friendly match. While relations with the islands have been hostile at the best of times, recent actions amongst the semi-autonmous isle of Green Island have opened up a friendly avenue which is being heavily pursued by the Vanorian government. This friendly was set up as a show of dedication to that pursuit, as over a thousand of our countrymen decended upon Zapata for the fixture, with a large portion of them belonging to the fangroup known as the Navy Wave.

As for the match itself, it was a sort of homecoming for attacking midfielder Roger Zetaback, who got his first big break at the local club after riding the bench in the premiership for nearly a decade. Also calling the Zapata club home right now is sensational winger Espy va Drake, who captains the side as well. Zetaback would make the move back to the EPL a few seasons ago, making his home now in Soldarian FC, helping lead them to their recent TQCC title. Yet for Zetaback, it all started right here in Green Island, and for that, Anárion gave him the nod ahead of Laborious Hawk behind the strikers.

Things all started out horribly wrong for the hosts as the pace of Ikles Razov nearly paid immiediate dividends in the first minute after Morose sent him in on a perfectly weighted ball, only to see the Dunboor man hit the crossbar on his lob. The Big Blues continued to let the Marauders take the game to them and in the twenty-seventh minute, they would pay the price. Using his big frame to help bring down the clearing attempt from Tinehtelë, Totez would find Soler in space. Using her pace to get around her mark, she continued down the edge of the box and brought the keeper out of position. Sidestepping a sliding tackle from Abdul, she calmly sent the ball across the goal mouth where va Drake would run on to the ball for the easy tap in.

The goal seemed to energize the Big Blues, as they wanted to give a good account of themselves against the world's number one team, and their level of play dramatically increased. Now the ones under pressure, the Marauders backline showed their improvement in cohesion by catching Kortsarian offisde twice in a three minute frame. The young Juavi FC striker would get the best chance for the Big Blues in the first half as he connected with a near perfect cross, but Tinehtelë was in perfect position to absorb the header and send his side to the half up by the va Drake strike.

Things would become dire for the hosts shortly into the second half as Dionísio and Totez would both go up for a header, but the Candelariasian caught the Gordurian square in the forehead with an elbow that would blood from the Vanorian midfielder. In addition, the Candelariasian seemed to come down very akwardly on his left knee, but that would get no sympathy from Rumilis Dorroway of Nethertopia, as he showed the Caires City man a straight red. With the injury to Totez, the long awaited first cap for the young Ricardinho was made, as the twenty year old was brought on, with Zetaback falling in Totez' spot and the Cafundeu born Ricardinho moving out into an attacking winger position.

Down a man and with the Marauders employing an unbalanced formation to exploit it, it was only a matter of time before the Big Blues would concede. It came after an innocent looking foul by Kortsarian from forty yards out would set up a dangerous set piece oppurtunity for the visitors. As va Drake lined up the kick, there was a sense of nervousness about the defenders, and as the wicked ball came in, that nervousness resulted in a complete whiff by Avi and the ball somehow made it's way to Ricardinho. Not needing a second invitation, the lad deliverred a volley that scraped underneath Sbaïz to double the visitors lead. The game was then sealed five minutes later when Zetaback and Fresco would combine to send the former Green Island man in alone, with his class showing as he lobbed Sbaïz who had come simply too far off his line. The rest of the match was much of a cat and mouse affair, with the Marauders content to keep the ball and ride the game out, teasing their counterparts with the occasional giveaway.

The vision now looks to two weeks from tommorow as the group draw for the Proper will be announced, and the start of the tournament a month after that. The Marauders are among the favorites to win the title, and would be creating a fair amount of history if they were able to achieve that. It would be their third title and a successful defence of their title, both of which would put them in elite company. All indications from the friendlies and the form of the players at their respective clubs points to a good possibility of such an event occuring, but one only needs to look at Demot as to how luck can so easily be turned against you.

Valanora 3
Espy va Drake (27)
Ricardinho (69)
Roger Zetaback (74)

Candelaria and Marquez 0
Dionísio [] (58)

Article by Polyanyer Orsianai

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