NationStates Jolt Archive

World Cup Qualification - Group 5
MD1: vs Gerainia (3-1) (@ Gwangdong Imperial Sports Complex and Stadium, Gwangju)
MD2: @ Ad'ihan (1-2) (@ Protectorate Stadium, Ad'ihan)
MD3: vs Universitus University (3-1) (@ King Kim Iljei Memorial Football Stadium, Malnira)
MD4: @ kenavt (4-1) (@ Granderson Stadium)
MD5: vs Lingdinis Insania (3-0) (@ Sanhaemun Football Stadium, Jinhwangdo)
M6: @ Kura-Pelland (0-3)
MD7: -bye-
MQ: vs Taeshan (1-0) (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD8: @ Gerainia (2-0)
MD9: vs Ad'ihan (1-1) (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD10: @ Universitus University (1-0)
MD11: vs kenavt (3-0) (@ Goguryeo Football Stadium, Hanseong)
MD12: @ Lingdinis Insania (5-1)
MD13: vs Kura-Pelland (1-0) (@ Cha Beomgeun Memorial Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD14: -bye-
World Cup 42 - Group B
MD1: vs Wentland (8) @ Gigantão, Santo Galvão (2-0)
MD2: vs Sorthern Northland (32) @ Estádio Nacional dos Cocos, Porto Lacruz
MD3: vs Bazalonia (5) @ Maracatuzão, Dunboor


=== The Island ===

Having had the command tent rebuilt, Colonel Pak made plans to take the three civilians into his custody. Whether innocent or savage, he didn't want to take chances that the persons involved were in any plots. He learned that it was possible that one of the men could be the President of some obscure country of which he had not heard before. The fact that the island also belonged to the same country whose President was possibly present on the island was lost in the midst of all the news. It was perhaps for the best too.

"Okay, so this island corridor is apparently under the surveillance of at least three unknown persons. Their colors are to be treated as white (innocent) until presumed red (hostile). I want the Gold Company to swipe from the north, while Water Company will take along the tree-line across the stream and make for the interior. They will sweep through and to the south of this camp. Is everyone clear with the instructions?" He waited for questions.

"Sir, what if we get attacked by pineapples again?"

"If you do, then fire back. Next question."

"Sir, what if the pineapples explode?"

What kind of question was that? "If they explode... I guess keep firing. Pineapples shouldn't explode. Next question."

"What if the three individuals kill themselves?"

"Then there's nothing to worry about. Next question."

"Sir, what happens if the three individuals are in trouble?"

"If they are fighting amongst themselves, do not intervene. If they are dying, do not intervene. If they are just being stupid, do not intervene. We're only taking them if they're cooperating with us. Next question."

"Sir, shouldn't we wait until the wind dies out? It's pretty windy."

"The wind's not a huge concern. Just watch out for the tree branches. Next question."

"Sir, are we getting any tanks?"

"This island is too big for tanks. Next question."

"Why can't we have tanks, sir? I like riding in the tanks!"

"Stop talking and move your sorry ass! We're made for walking, not for riding. Next question!"

"Is it going to rain?"

Colonel Pak paused at that. It seemed that every question was progressively going from bad to worse. "The next question is getting three hundred laps around this island! It's not going to rain! Any more questions?"

"Sir, you just asked a question!"

Before he could retract his statement, he regrettably affirmed that he had asked a question, and thus would be running his 300 laps. He was more displeased that no one else asked him a question. "Well, if that's the way it is, then we're all doing 300 laps!" The groans went out, but it was the Colonel's word. "After we accomplish this mission."

---Beningrad Morning Star, Early Edition---

STOP PRESS: The Sorthern government has just confirmed that Vice-President Brian Shannon has had his motion to disband the government of President Jimmy Sheridan voted in by the Sorthern parliament. President Jimmy Sheridan went missing following the World Cup draw nearly 12 months ago and has not been seen or heard from since. Elections for a new government are expected to be held within the next fortnight.

---Ile de Nouveau Bostopie, somewhere---

Dear journal,

As you can see I am no longer writing in my log. This is due to the Han’s stealing the log! The thieving bastards. I was like all seating here reading back through it, and then I realised I was in the nude. Naked! Naked I tell you! I rushed off to steal the clothes Alain Lemay is wearing and then when I came back Emperor Boston was going to Field-Marshall Deciduous-Leaf, “LULZ, the Hans stole his log.” It is an outrage I tell you! Don’t they know who I am? I am President of Sorthern Northland! How dare they steal my log!

Speaking of Hans they have now invaded which rather puts my plans for a coup d’état in the shitter. Now not only will Admiral Petrock and I have to deal with Emperor Boston and Field-Marshall Deciduous-Leaf but we will also have to hold off the Han invaders! Luckilly though I have stocked up on plenty of exploding pineapples if they do attack me. Perhaps Lemay will help me? To be honest he’ll only be a pansy and probably surrender but he should distract one party for just a long enough amount of time for me to start the coup. I have just consulted Admiral Petrock and he said nothing, which to me suggests he doesn’t disagree with the plan, so I am now going to free Lemay. I am outside his cage now, and I have just opened the door. And what’s this? Bah! Stupid fool! He’s just standing there waving a white flag around. Useless idiot! Perhaps if I give him a kick up the arse that’ll give him an idea of what to do. Ok, so I’ve just kicked him up the arse and he’s now running off towards the Han’s crying and waving a white flag! Excellent! Plus he’s naked as well seeing as how I stole his clothes as mentioned earlier. That should distract the Hans plenty.

Now then that should be the Hans sorted. Now to wrestle control off the island off of Emperor Boston and claim it for Sorthern Northland, the land if rightfully belongs to. Now where is this bar-stool? Aha, he’s heading up towards Lemay’s cage, excellent! Shit! Better hide or he’ll see me! Behind this tree looks like a good place. Ok, so now he’s at the cage and he’s seen Lemay is gone, and now he’s walking into the cage and looking around it puzzled. Me and the Admiral are consulting, the plan seems to be that we lock Boston in the cage and then the Admiral is thrown at him to knock him out, I’m going to do this now.

Haha! Great success! Emperor Boston is now locked in the cage and Admiral Petrock was flung in his directed. Unfortunately he wasn’t knocked out but he’s now lying on the floor praising Socialism so I think he’s defiantly concussed and out of it. Now this island belongs to Sorthern Northland! To reflect this I shall rename the island Ile de Nouveau whatever Sorthern Northland is in French. This is a great day in history and…. Hold on, the wind is picking up, what could this mean? OH MY GODS!!!! It’s blowing Field Marshall Deciduous-Leaf towards me! He’s attacking me and now’s gone into my mouth and is choking me, HEL…… *The entry descends into an array of unintelligible squiggles and the like*

Footy Opinions

By Jean Pensée

Seems like we lost to Vephrall yesterday. Well, a 0-1 loss is not exactly that bad, considering Vephrall are somewhat considered twice as good as us. Taclik Prarbens, a defender scored on us at the 93rd minute. I guess that, as they weren't able to score for more than 90 minutes (if we consider the fact that there has been injury time added in the first half as well) and that a DEFENDER (underlined and bolded for the sake of laughing at them), named Taclik Prarbens, scored their only goal in the last minute of the game, there has to be some problems I suppose. Overall, the Septentrionian team played an excellent match, especially against that Vephrese team. In fact, what caused the goal was that, as the Vephrese team was allowed a corner so late in the game, thanks to a magnificient save by goalkeeper René Laviolette, some Septentrionian players thought that the referee would whistle, as there were only to be two minutes added to the final time. Sadly, they stopped playing, giving Prarbens, just outside the penalty area, a great opportunity he took to score that goal.

Well, enough about the match itself. I've met some people from the IRC supporter group at the match. They were at Stade 1093 to support the Vephrese team, although they were all happy to talk to me despite that group's closedness. They are known to always take Section 109 row 3. As one guy of that group told me, they were happy to see that Section 109 was right beside the centre line. When taking place with them for almost 20 minutes, they chanted at least twice that "PENARLTY!" chant. When wondering what it was, Fatelf tried to stab me, with no success. He then began to try to throw me on the field, but white-flag waving security guards stopped him from doing so. After that incident, I left them to go back to the Press Gallery, where I spent the remainder eating chips and poutine (OOC: Chips are crisps, not French Fries. Slani Brits...) while watching that match.

Now, let's get on to my last topic for today. Remember that post scriptum where I told people to go to the Jeruselem match to throw pistachio nuts at them? I guess not many people got the message I was trying to tell. When I mean "Go throw pistachio nuts at the Dallases and the Sallads", I mean "Go throw pistachio nuts at the Dallases and the Sallads". I really asked some security guards at the three stadia featured in the "South" groups and they told me that pistachio nuts are fully legal and can be thrown at people on the pitch, as no rule prevents that from happening in any of the Septentrionian stadia. Probably because pistachio nuts were not known until recently on the island. Well, as there is no law against that, I strongly suggest you go and do it, even if it means missing a Septentrionia match to do that. Oh, and tell your friends as well. The Dallases are a tool of the devil, according to the many Popes and the Orthodox church and, therefore, must be brought down, but not killed, as our laws tend to condemn killing, even against idiotic whores. So, if I don't hear of that happening next day, I will make another article asking for people to throw pistachio nuts. CLEAR?

Alright, good day people. And may we beat Prux tomorrow at Stade 1093!

What would you do if things that you love were taken from you? No, I'm not talking only about your family... I'm talking about your goods! Your car, your house furniture and electronic equipments, your precious money, the money please think of the money!! What would you do without that, it's such a horrible fate that even imagining this makes us depressed!!

Wouldn't you do everything to protect your precious goods? To avoid these things from happening?

You would even spend some of your money in order to avoid losing all of it, wouldn't you?

So, you can feel relaxed and safe, thanks to Cacete Security! We can protect you in many ways! For your family, we have security guards, that can also protect your house or commerce at night. For your car and equipments, we have alarm systems, some already linked with the Cafundelense Secret Agency! We have even security systems that protect your refrigerator against the night attacks of hungry and fat people that wake up in the middle of the night to eat! And what about those people that steal your newspaper in the morning? Our security cameras find them and get rid of them (don't ask we how)!

Cacete Security will end your fears... which will be good for your health! So, is there anything better than something that guarantees you security and health at the same time?

And it is Cacete Security that offers you... the Group Stage MD2 RP cutoff.

Groups A-D results (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14009844&postcount=27)
Groups E-H results (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14009843&postcount=26)

"Well, it's still possible we could qualify, guys, come on. Improbable, of course, but we just have to figure out exactly how improbable..."

Paul Clifton's dissertation on improbability was interrupted by the manager, Mark Tupper, yelling "WILL YOU STOP WITH THE GODDAMN HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY REFERENCES?!"

"Oh, come on. They're mostly harmless."

Mark Tupper's face turned an alarming shade of purple.

---INTERMISSION FOR HAIKU---

Hitchhiker's Guide is
To be expected in the
World Cup of four-two

This is the only
Time we can use them with great
Impunityness

Did you realise that
The syllables are getting
Quite forced and all, eh?

-------------------------------

Paul Clifton sat down for his own safety.

Mark Tupper fixed the players with a steely glare, then, changing his mind, he threw up in arms in exasperation.

"It is, really, too much to ask for that we make the knockout round in our second finals appearance. But don't let anyone say we didn't play our best."

He strode out of the room. The players were silent and still for a moment.

"Mostly harmless? You've got balls, Cliff, I'll give you that," Henri Cournoyer laughed as the team packed up and headed back to the hotel.

QBC WORLD CUP 42 COVERAGE

"Hello all, I'm John Cadding, and Today at Toca do Tatu, Central City, Cafundeu, Qazox held a 1-0 lead until late against Jasīʼyūn, but couldn't hold on for the victory, and now the match between Qazox and Valanora is increased in importance, as a loss or a draw could send the Phoenix home early, which would be a very dissapointing result. But a Jasīʼyūn loss or draw to Jeru FC would send Qazox through, no matter the result. Just show the highlights.

Minute 16:
"Qazox has the corner kick, Reyes sends it in, and GOOOOOOAL! Anderson Tarricone with the deft header and it's 1-0 Qazox early in the match and crowd is going wild here in Central City!"

"For the next 75 minutes, neither side could get much done, but a late tripping call on Georgianne Shillingford set up Jasīʼyūn... "


Minute 90+2:
"Jasīʼyūn sets up for the free kick. Qazox is ready for it and here it goes, over to the attacker, he shoots and WE'RE TIED! Erin Goolden was out of postition and Jasīʼyūn's Striker just nicked right past here and there's the whistle and a stunnign last minute draw sets up the all-important match agaisnt Valanora in 3 days. Now the Pheonix need help to advance to the next round, if they don't win."


QAZOX Goals (In qualifying):
Valladores: 7
Jaus: 7 (2 PK)
Tarricone: 4
de Olivares: 4
Christian: 4
Cruz-Preli: 3 (1 PK)
Marquis: 3
Spingler: 2
Erca: 2
St. Louis: 1
Schultz: 1
Lopes: 1

QAZOX' Goals (In World Cup 42)
Jaus: 2 (1 PK)
Marquis: 1
Tarricone: 1


(OOC: should Prux be eliminated as well? Seeing as Septentrionia and Yafor 2 face each other and if they draw, then Prux is gone, even if they win?)

Hamburger Hill Herald

Taking on the hosts of any tourney, as a lower seed, means victory is not only improbable, but almost impossible, especially at the World Cup. Despite the close loss, the Zombies have been offically eliminated thanks to Yafor 2's loss to Vephrall, the next opponent. As Dr. Mkembe prepares his team for the trip back to Stavromuller Beta, his hometown after the Cup, It is known what will be done with the Zombies. Will they be put back to their eternal rest or will they be allowed to wander around until the next World Cup? Zombie Zinedine Zidane, did scored Prux's first ever World Cup goal, in the 42nd minute, but it wasnt enough as the co-hosts scored twice in the first half.

Schedule:
vs. Arroza WIN 3-0 (1-0-0 record)
@ Land de Wood WIN 3-0 (2-0-0 record)
vs. Greal WIN 2-0 (3-0-0 record)
@ Bazalonia Lose 1-3 (3-0-1 record)
vs. Nuevos Aires W 5-0 (4-0-1 record)
@ Bostopia Lose 0-5 (4-0-2 record)
BYE
@ Arroza DRAW 2-2 (4-1-2 record)
vs. Land de Wood DRAW 2-2 (4-2-2 record)
@ Greal WIN 2-0 (5-2-2 record)
vs. Bazalonia Lose 1-3 (5-2-3 record)
@ Nuevos Aires WIN 3-1 (6-2-3 record) clinched playoff berth.
vs. Bostopia Lose 0-4 (6-2-4 record) In Playoffs
BYE
Playoff:
G1: vs. Magna Sancta Sedes WIN 3-0 (lead 1-0, 3-0 Aggregate)
G2: @ Magna Sancta Sedes Lost 0-1 (won Series on Aggregate 3-1, Advanced to World Cup 42)
WORLD CUP 42:
MD1: Yafor 2 Lost 0-1 (0-0-1 Group record)
MD2: Septentrionia Lost 1-2 (0-0-2 Group record) ELIMINATED from World Cup 42
MD3: Vephrall


Prux' Goals:
Zombie Pelé: 6
Zombie Zinedine Zidane (aka Triple Z): 5
Zombie Just Fontaine: 3
Dr. Mkembe: 3
Zombie Ronaldo: 3
Zombie Lothar Matthäus: 3
Zombie Diego Maradona: 2
OWN GOAL AGAINST: 1

[QUOTE=Daehanjeiguk;14009285]World Cup Qualification - Group 5
MD1: vs Gerainia (3-1) (@ Gwangdong Imperial Sports Complex and Stadium, Gwangju)
MD2: @ Ad'ihan (1-2) (@ Protectorate Stadium, Ad'ihan)
MD3: vs Universitus University (3-1) (@ King Kim Iljei Memorial Football Stadium, Malnira)
MD4: @ kenavt (4-1) (@ Granderson Stadium)
MD5: vs Lingdinis Insania (3-0) (@ Sanhaemun Football Stadium, Jinhwangdo)
M6: @ Kura-Pelland (0-3)
MD7: -bye-
MQ: vs Taeshan (1-0) (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD8: @ Gerainia (2-0)
MD9: vs Ad'ihan (1-1) (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD10: @ Universitus University (1-0)
MD11: vs kenavt (3-0) (@ Goguryeo Football Stadium, Hanseong)
MD12: @ Lingdinis Insania (5-1)
MD13: vs Kura-Pelland (1-0) (@ Cha Beomgeun Memorial Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD14: -bye-
World Cup 42 - Group B
MD1: vs Wentland (8) @ Gigantão, Santo Galvão (2-0)
MD2: vs Sorthern Northland (32) @ Estádio Nacional dos Cocos, Porto Lacruz (1-1)
MD3: vs Bazalonia (5) @ Maracatuzão, Dunboor


Han Still on Top Despite Draw

Sorthern Northland| 1-1 |Daehanjeiguk

http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/sports/images/attachement/jpg/site1/20080226/000802ab4a63092dcd961e.jpg

PORTO LACRUZ - It was a tense match that saw Sorthern Northland score first, and despite last minute heroic antics, it wasn't a match of which to be very proud. The crowd was subtly apathetic, contrasting to the atmosphere at the Gigantão, but a number of Han supporters filled the stands. And from the outset, Sorthern Northland looked to capitalize on the opportunity to strike first. They had the first opportunity, which Kim Jongguk deftly swatted over the cross-bar. However, the ensuing corner kick saw Pinoc take the corner, with Waywise connecting the ball to the head-bone, which knocked it past Kim Jongguk for an early lead. The Han tried a number of times to bring the toll back, as Yang Manchun and An Pilrip tried to drive through the Sorthern defense. Sorthern defense suffered a minor set-back when Pinoc grabbed a yellow for a reckless challenge on Kim Yongji. Minutes later, at the half hour mark, Kim Jongguk was forced to make a brilliant save, as Lenin made a daring shot from the top of the box. The game settled back for a while, until the 43rd minute when Sorthern Northland suffered a tragic error, as Hernandez took out Yi Beomsuk. The referee had no choice but to show the red. Yi Beomsuk was likewise removed from the field, but was not substituted for the remainder of the first half. He went back on after the interval, to the relieved cheers of the fans. And immediately, the Han began to take whatever counsel Ioshido Toki gave in the locker room and made a daring dash for the goal. Baek Jihun made the first effort, catching the Sorthern defense off guard (and one man less), taking a solitary shot at Federluchi. Minutes later, An Pilrip created another chance, landing a deft pass to Jeong Jihun. Jeong carried the ball up the Sorthern corner, where he lashed a beautiful cross to the greatful feet of Song Jongguk. The ensuing volley sent the ball to the greatful hands of the keeper as well, keeping the advantage with Sorthern Northland as the time wound down. Unfortunately, it was a last minute break (literally) that was the undoing of the 10-man Sorthern side. An Pilrip passed back to Choi Jincheol, who rushed the defense and made a quick pass to Kim Daeeui, taking opportunity of Federluchi's contorted body to lob the ball behind him and pulling the Han back even. The crowd didn't heave an emphatic cry of joy, but there were certainly cheers from the bench as the Han salvaged a point ahead of the pivotal match against Wentland.

The match became more important as Bazalonia knocked Wentland out (literally) with a 2-1 win. While the win knocks out Wentland, Bazalonia still remains a dire force with which to contend. Progression to the second round would come with a draw or a win, but a reverse of fortunes remains on mind, as the Han contend with the one side that they have yet to defeat in the World Cup. In the past two settings, Bazalonia have won by a combined 6-3 margin (4-2 in WC39, 2-1 in WC41). Ioshido will be happy with a draw, but doubtless, to chase away the ghosts of doubt, he'll want a win. If a loss is to be, they can hope that Wentland will salvage what pride they have left by utterly smashing Sorthern Northland with whatever might they might possess left.

In other World Cup action, hosts Cafundeu found themselves in their own reversal of fortunes, as the Holy Empire stole the pole position with a solitary goal. Meanwhile, Luke Evans shooed some critics with a not-too-impressive-but-absolutely-necessary 2-1 win over Kelssek. Fortunately, a win over Cafundeu will give them some hope of progressing, only if they score some 6 goals over Cafundeu (and the Holy Empire continues their impressive streak by beating Ad'ihan). In Group C, Bostopia cemented their place at top with another 2-1 win over Y&B 2. Meanwhile, Dancougar sees the hopes of progression fade yet again with a 2-1 loss to Milchama. In Group D, Jaseuyeon again held the higher seed with a 1-1 draw, but they'll be hoping for more then just a draw against Jeru FC. Qazox lost the pole position to Valanora, who stole away the top with a 3-0 win over Jeru FC (5 to 4 GD); but with the last match the only separating factor, they'll look to upset one or the other (with Valanora the favored team at this point). If Jaseuyeon fails to win their match, then this match will largely settle the spoils between the two sides.

In Group E, Septentrionie won back some pride beating up zombies from Prux. Meanwhile, Vephrall, cemented their position at the top with a win over Yafor 2. Vephrall will be looking for an easy win over Prux, while a win for either Yafor 2 or Septentrionie will settle 2nd place. Septentrionie will be aiming for a win, since anything less won't be worth anything, which means no drunk football. Zwangzug beat Rennidan, ending their hopes for progression, while Tynelia woke up from slumber to defeat Jeruselem. Both winning sides are stuck at the pole positions, which means that Jeruselem needs to start ignoring the damned pistachio throwers and start beating their opponents in their typical fashion. Unfortunately for Rennidan, it might seem that salvaging honor will be a difficult contest against Tynelia. For Group G, a brace of 3-1 wins for the SLANI and C&M ensure that the top two slots are reserved for them, while Demot needs to find some inspiration against C&M. It also leaves Bettia out of the second round for a second consecutive World Cup. Fortunately, the Monks managed to beat Lovisa, of whom they decry as Polish heretics. One only wonders what happens to the team when dogma fails to impress. Meanwhile, reigning champions suffered a serious reverse with a 2-0 loss to Kura-Pelland, who were obviously inspired by their loss to the Monks. For Starblaydia, they will hope that they have the talent to counter theological dilemmas presented by their contest with the Monks while KP will hope for a big win against Lovisa.


Official (WC42FM) Record:
***10' - SNO Corner
Pinoc to take it...
He crosses it...
Waywide with the header!
GOAL!: Waywide SCORES!!!
***11' - Yang Manchun (HAN)
Pione tackles him
***16' - An Pilrip (HAN)
Beats Pinoc
An Pilrip uses his pace
Shui tackles him
***21' - Kim Yongji (HAN)
Pinoc makes a bad challenge...
It's a Yellow card!
***30' - O'Donnovan (SNO)
Pinoc
Waywide
Lenin
Lenin shoots!
Kim Jongguk saves it!
***43' - Yi Beomsuk (HAN)
Hernandez lashes out...
It's a Red card!
>>> HALF TIME <<<
***46' - Yi Yeongpyo (HAN)
Yang Manchun
Halford tackles him
Daehanjeiguk look like creating opportunities
***50' - Baek Jihun (HAN)
Shakes off Shui
Still Baek Jihun
Holds off Halford
Jihun shoots!
Federluchi saves it!
***51' - An Pilrip (HAN)
Shui tackles him
***73' - An Pilrip (HAN)
Beats Lenin
An Pilrip uses his pace
Jeong Jihun
Holds off O'Donnovan
Still Jeong Jihun
Crosses it
Song Jongguk with a volley!
Federluchi saves it!
***89' - An Pilrip (HAN)
Choi Jincheol
Beats Pione
Still Choi Jincheol
Beats Young
Kim Daeeui
Daeeui shoots!
GOAL!: Kim Daeeui SCORES!!!
>>> FINAL <<<
SNO 1-1 HAN

[QUOTE=Daehanjeiguk;14009285]World Cup Qualification - Group 5
MD1: vs Gerainia (3-1) (@ Gwangdong Imperial Sports Complex and Stadium, Gwangju)
MD2: @ Ad'ihan (1-2) (@ Protectorate Stadium, Ad'ihan)
MD3: vs Universitus University (3-1) (@ King Kim Iljei Memorial Football Stadium, Malnira)
MD4: @ kenavt (4-1) (@ Granderson Stadium)
MD5: vs Lingdinis Insania (3-0) (@ Sanhaemun Football Stadium, Jinhwangdo)
M6: @ Kura-Pelland (0-3)
MD7: -bye-
MQ: vs Taeshan (1-0) (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD8: @ Gerainia (2-0)
MD9: vs Ad'ihan (1-1) (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD10: @ Universitus University (1-0)
MD11: vs kenavt (3-0) (@ Goguryeo Football Stadium, Hanseong)
MD12: @ Lingdinis Insania (5-1)
MD13: vs Kura-Pelland (1-0) (@ Cha Beomgeun Memorial Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD14: -bye-
World Cup 42 - Group B
MD1: vs Wentland (8) @ Gigantão, Santo Galvão (2-0)
MD2: vs Sorthern Northland (32) @ Estádio Nacional dos Cocos, Porto Lacruz (1-1)
MD3: vs Bazalonia (5) @ Maracatuzão, Dunboor


=== The Island ===

Colonel Pak was listening the radio, on his 17th lap around the island (how on earth did he miss the camp site? no one really knows...). Gold Company was making an approach on the camp.

"It's really windy, sir."

"Continue moving," Pak said, huffing and puffing. "Damn, I wish I didn't have to run this %$#^ punishment."

"Sir, everyone heard that."

"%$#^."

"Everyone still heard that."

"Turn off the %$#^ radio!"

"Sir, you said to maintain contact at all times."

"%$#^ that! I want yo %$#^ all I want! Turn off the radio!"

"When should we turn the radio on again, sir?"

"If you run into trouble... turn it on... Okay?"

"Yes, sir." The radio went silent, with the exception of the typical static that accompanied the silence. Pak was huffing and puffing. In the distance, he heard the sudden whoosh of a bunch of pineapples hurdling at him. Of course, he didn't know what it was. He just heard the whoosh...

Meanwhile, Gold Company was trailing down the beach, with Water Company on the interior side. The 200-man force was creeping slowly, wondering what was going to happen. Suddenly, a nude man ran up to them, waving a white cloth frantically. They switched on the radio, "SIR! WE'RE UNDER ATTACK BY WHITE CLOTH WAVING NUDE LUNATICS!!!" It didn't help that the man was completely nude and waving the very instrument that he could have been using to cover himself. And he was frantically yelling about something. "Sir, he's saying something about a pu-ting... puting? I don't know, sir. What do we do?" Silence. "Sir?"

"Forget the Colonel," one of the grunts said, picking up a coconut and lobbing it at the man. The coconut hit him on the noggin, and conveniently, he fell with the cloth covering his naked body. "Thank Heaven!" the soldiers cried. But it wasn't enough, as when they went over the sand dune, amidst the blowing wind, they came to the main camp site. No one was standing. One man was stuck in a jail pin, with a tree flailing in the wind and knocking on the noggin of a man already unconscious. And another man was cradling a sheet of paper, a pen, and somehow furiously writing something upon the sheet while being choked by something.

The Marines just watched. "Sir, there's a bunch of lunatics. What should we do?" Silence.

"The Colonel's running. Leave him alone," another grunt replied. "Check out this guy, he' choking!" They went over to the man on the ground and rammed their butts (of the gun!) on his gut. Instantly, a leaf popped out of his mouth and harmlessly flew away in the wind. The man, apparently exhausted with his struggle, fainted at the sight of the soldiers. As for the other man, the Marines had some difficulty pulling him out of the jail cell, while stopping the swinging tree from landing all over him (and them). Nonetheless, within a few minutes, the scene was neatly tied and trimmed.

"Sir?" they called out on the radio. "The area is secure." Silence still. "Sir, the area is secure." Silence still. "Maybe the Colonel isn't running..."

=== Emperor's Quarters ===

"... after recovering Colonel Pak from an apparent mess of pineapples, flung by some trap. Or maybe by the wind. Who knows. The point is that we've got three world leaders stuck on an island in the middle of some obscure country - of which one of those leaders is the president - and our Marines are currently holding them."

The Emperor was having difficulty understanding the breadth of the situation. "I'm sorry. Could you repeat that?"

Chief Warrant Officer Yun was a little agitated. "I've had great difficulty understanding it myself. But I can assure you that all of the leaders are doing well. In fact, they had a reasonable conversation with the President of the country. He wants to personally surrender to you."

The Emperor again shook his head. "What?"

"He said surrender."

"Surrender?"

"Yes."

"What is the purpose of this 'surrender'?"

"I don't know. But he seemed awfully happy about it. Pleased almost. As if it were an honor."

"But why would I want him to surrender?"

"Maybe he thought that we were invading them. I mean, getting caught by Marines is a pretty impressive sight. Maybe he just wants to clear up the military scuffle."

"But we weren't invading Septentrionie. We were pursuing Mujeongbu terrorists."

"Who have since perished. The mission has changed apparently."

The Emperor took a moment to recollect his thoughts. He was so intense in thought that he drank the ink bottle instead of his glass of water. Yun was a little confused as the Emperor drank the ink. Apparently, the taste didn't bother him. And as he spoke, his teeth glittered a distinct black color. "I guess we shouldn't disappoint him."

=== The Island ===

Aware now that the Emperor was arriving personally to talk to the President, Colonel Pak was still cradling the ice packs, while trying to talk with the other leaders. Fortunately, Captain Sang spoke both English and French - which was convenient as Lemay spoke French, while Boston and Sheridan both spoke English. But unfortunately, neither Sheridan nor Boston wanted to talk.

"They're still upset. Sheridan says we stole his log, while Boston claims that we're upset about cricket."

"The game?"

"Well, he's saying 'cricket'. I'm assuming the game. Although he could mean the Cricket incident a couple years ago. I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?" Colonel Pak asked. He was a little agitated.

"Well, it's been a while since I've practiced English. And they're both native speakers. At least they should be."

"So?"

"Well, I'm confused by his references to grenades and some Field Marshal. I thought he was talk about Sheridan, but Sheridan adamantly says that he and the Field Marshal were conspiring against him, so he had to hire the Admiral, whom Boston had thrown out of the group. And they were in the midst of a coup attempt when we intervened."

"What coup? There's no one else here!"

"Well, I think Sheridan said that the Field Marshal was choking him, so I think they're both a little delusional at the moment. Give them some time. They'll recuperate."

"Alright..."

From the hallway, there were gunshots. Policemen waiting in the stairwell were ambushed.

At long last, the final confrontation!

"What the...?!" cried the lieutenant, who was forced to turn his attention to the developing firefight. Stephen used the distraction to dash for the fire escape outside his window. He grabbed C's hand, and she rose and followed without argument.

The fated battle of Lelouch Lamperouge and Light Yagami shall be settled through half-baked proxies!

"Peter!" cried the professor, trying to hold off the sudden rush of enemies. "Go efter heem!" Peter snapped out of it and hopped to his feet. Russ was left struggling on the floor under the weight of one policeman. The professor, lieutenant, and one more cop were trying to check the advance of Stephen's henchmen from the doorway.

The World Cup looms in the background, used as the stage for one bad fanfiction chapter after another!

"I need backup, eight eighteen, Ridge!" radioed the liutenant. "Suspect and a female accomplice are fleeing on foot; additional accomplices are armed and have us pinned!"

This is what it is... to be DANCOUGAR!!

********************

Peter ran to the window and leaned out. Stephen and C were already a few flights below him and gaining rapidly. He started to climb out when a gunshot halted his progress. There was a guy two floors up keeping an eye on the room. Peter reached out and fired a few aimless shots that were quickly responded to in kind. "They've got guys out there, too!" he shouted.

"How many, where at?" yelled the lieutenant.

"I think just one!" Peter replied, trying to gauge his position with another shot. "He's up above me, down the hall that way!"

"Damn it," the lieutenant replied, fumbling for his radio. "Anyone upstairs? We need a sweep!" There was no reply as gunshots continued to dig into the door frame. "Fine!" The lieutenant left the door and motioned for the other cop to replace him.

"But this kid..." the cop began, motioning towards Russ, who continued to struggle from Stephen's influence. The lieutenant calmly walked over and grabbed Russ by the collar, giving him a solid punch in the face that knocked him out.

"L...lieu...!!" Peter began.

"We'll deal with him later, right now we don't have time for this!" the lieutenant replied, heading for the window. "When I say go, you go!"

"But, what are you..." Peter gasped.

The lieutenant simply jumped through to draw fire. The first shots missed him. He immediately saw the window they were coming from and fired back. "NOW!" he shouted. Another shot from above. The lieutenant was struck in the shoulder, but he only winced a bit and returned fire. There was a sickening cry from the room above which announced a hit. "They'll get more people over there soon, run!" he said again.

Peter leapt out the window. A new enemy appeared upstairs in the same room and fired at Peter. The lieutenant shifted over slightly to cover him, taking another hit in the leg. He dropped to a knee, but with a shout, fired a reply which also hit home. "They'll have reached their car by now!" the lieutenant shouted. "Here, you'll need help!" He took out his radio. "Attention, all units on the ground, the suspect is attempting to flee by car. The pursuit will be led Peter Klingenschmidt!" He handed his radio to Peter who, fighting back tears, began his descent.

As soon Peter hit the ground and made a run for his car, the lieutenant limped back inside and slumped on the floor. "Sir, you're...!!" one of his men began.

The lieutenant just shrugged and removed his gun's empty magazine. It clattered to the floor, which was already badly stained from his wounds. "I'll be fine," he said, breathing heavily. "That kid made it out... it's up to him, now to put a stop to this."

Peter raced for the car and, with shaking hands, attempted to unlock the door. He had just clicked his seatbelt into place when a car roared past on its way to the freeway. He'd seen it before, no mistake - it was Stephen. Quickly turning the ignition, Peter punched the gas. His tires squealed as the car lurched forward. He reached for the lieutenant's radio and dialed in. This was no longer a game, and he shook as he spoke: "Attention police vehicles, this is Peter Klingenschmidt in a white Nassin Serva, in pursuit of a suspect in a red Nerima Forte!"

He streaked down the road trying to keep the car in his sights. They had a bit of a head start on him, but he was starting to close. His speed was better, and Stephen was hitting all the obstacles first. All the cars that were swerving to get out of the way were stationary when he tore fast, and Stephen lost speed with each near miss. "The suspect is taking Ridge Street south towards D-18!" he announced.

Stephen was not happy. He dodged one car and pounded the horn so the idiots in front would get out of the way. He looked in his rearview mirror and saw Peter's white car approaching. "Damn that Brigade, they let someone get through!" he growled. "C, isn't there something you can do? You granted me this power, surely you have..."

"You do remember the terms of the contract, correct?" C replied. "I grant you the power, you grant my wish. So far, you're performing splendidly in your task."

"What's that?" said Stephen angrily. He swerved again. He was nearing the highway interchange. Taking that was probably suicide. It would be easier to cut him off since it had limited access points, although a chase through the city wasn't much easier since he had to deal with constricted roadways. In any case, he had to get over the river. That was the quickest way to the open country.

"Suspect is avoiding the freeway!" cried Peter as he zoomed under the overpass. Where could he be going? They were getting closer and closer to the riverside, which meant... was he escaping that way? "I believe the suspect will attempt a river crossing!" he said. "Southside Police should prepare blockades immediately!"

"Don't joke with us!" came a frantic reply. "You want us to blockade every bridge within the next two minutes? That's insane!"

"The closest crossing is Meade!" came another voice. "We've got it covered, Southside! Mystery power be damned, we'll..."

"Hey, what's going on?" said Peter. "Come in!" He'd veered onto Meade, now, and was heading for the bridge. The two police cars blocking it had just backed out of the way, allowing Stephen to zip through. They had exited the car and started firing at him! Peter ducked and ran straight through, which started yet another chase... them against him.

"Damn, he used it on them, too?" he said. "Hey, Southside, he got through!" he yelled into the radio. "He's continuing south on Meade. Whatever you do, don't make eye contact with this guy!"

Stephen gritted his teeth as he glanced at his dashboard. He was almost out of gas. C noticed where he was looking and sighed. "Almost end of the road, huh? And you did so well to get this far."

"Shut up!" Stephen yelled. "I won't lose here. I definitely won't lose! I'll can use it on that guy chasing me, and then... and then...!!"

"You haven't noticed who it is?" asked C. Stephen glanced into his mirror again. He could barely see the driver's face, but his own twisted when he saw that it was indeed Peter. "You've already used it on him, remember?" Tears started to flow down Stephen's face as he pushed forward defiantly. "You have fighting spirit, but without that Geass of mine, you're not much, are you?"

"What do you know?!" he shouted back. "I'm going to change things here! You chose me to do it!"

"Wrong," C replied, unbuckling her seatbelt. Stephen barely flinched as he tore down the road. More and more policeman were joining the chase, but this time against him. "Stephen, you've been an interesting partner, but it's time to call in my wish."

"Can't it wait?" asked Stephen.

"No, because my wish... is to live." Stephen glanced at her, confused. C smiled. "You see, I've been playing God for a long time now... helping people like you twist the world for their own benefit. In your case, you wanted to affect football scores through twisted luck. That's fine. But in the end, you're really nothing more than a way for me to recharge myself."

"What are you saying?" Stephen choked out at last. "I was a pawn? Me? All this time?"

"Yes," C said. "Every time you use my gift, it adds a little more time to my life at the expense of yours. It's sad that we have to part so soon, but since your friends are closing in, it's time for me to take what is mine and bid you farewell."

"Wait a minute, you...!!" yelled Stephen.

C had already unlocked the door and was prepared to jump. She looked him in the eyes for the last time. "I'll tell you something good before I leave. I like to play dice with the universe, but I'm still just a grunt in the grand scheme of things," she said. "My boss is... well, if I'm called C, then you might call her M."

Stephen's eyes grew wide. "Imposs..." he began. She threw the door open and threw herself into the street. She hit the pavement hard and rolled forward, crashing into a wall which immediately stopped her motion. There was a sickening thud and crunch. Stephen turned back to the road, but that was the end. A few police cars had pulled out directly in front of him. He tried to ram through, and succeeded, but the impact with the others spun him violently. Stephen blacked out as his car flipped several times before coming to a rest almost a block away.

Back at the apartment building, the gunfire abruptly ceased. Joe Moore and his Black Wing Brigade dropped their guns in shock as policemen surrounded them. They had no idea what they were doing or how they had gotten there.

********************

Paramedics rushed to rescue Stephen from the wreck. He was alive, but barely. The girl was another story. They picked her body out from the debris. "Surprised she's still in one piece," one remarked, sliding a blanket over her mangled remains. "Incoming Jane Doe!" he yelled, as the body was wheeled away.

Peter leaned against his car. When he saw Stephen get pulled from the wreckage, he recognized him as Zero. Combining that with the cops who attacked him earlier having no recollection of the incident made him figure that Stephen's power had been nulled.

A few more cars pulled up to the scene. He perked up a little when he saw the professor emerge from the driver's seat. He opened a door and the lieutenant hobbled out, with makeshift bandages covering him where he'd been hit. The professor helped him walk forward, as did another... it was Russ.

"You guys!" cried Peter. "You did it! You're all okay!"

"This guy hits hard," said Russ, smiling despite the swelling on his jaw. "He told me what happened."

"Gonna take more than a few bullets to put me down," the lieutenant added. "So, it turns out that this guy was using the Brigade as a personal bodyguard. When they returned to Eastport after a World Bowl game, they were going to be denied re-entry. But he showed up as Zero and made sure they got though, but also set it up so they'd live in the same building and attack threats on command. He picked the right bunch for it, I guess."

"What are we going to do with him?" asked Peter.

"I don't know yet if he was consciously aware of this ability or being used as a proxy," said the lieutenant. "We'll have to explore it once he wakes up. If he even does."

********************

Peter lay on his bed staring at the Suck Note which he held against the ceiling. He never expected all this to happen after using it. It was supposed to be harmless: affecting games from afar, bending the world to his will... but now that he thought about it, he was no different from Stephen. What was to stop him from going out of control and doing something really terrible?

"In the end, I guess I can't hold onto this," he said to himself.

"I'll take it, then, if you don't mind!"

Peter sat straight up and looked at the window. The girl from earlier! And she looked to be mint... what was going on? "It's you!" he just stammered. "But you can't be... you died, I saw you...!"

"I cut a deal with Stephen before I left, you might say," she replied, entering the room. "He'll wake up in a few days... that was nothing he can't survive. More importantly, that Suck Note is another tool of mine. I'll take it back now."

"This is... just who are you, anyway?" Peter asked.

"Just someone who works for a chaotic higher power," she responded with a giggle. "This country was amusing, but it seems like I'm not welcome here. So I'm taking off and removing all traces of my actions here... no one else will get hurt, I promise." He didn't really trust her, but he didn't want this book anymore. Peter handed it over slowly. "In the end, you don't want to bend games to your will, either?"

"I've decided..." Peter said slowly, "that what we did was wrong. That's not how it should be. Rank, randomness, and sheer guts. That's how the game should be played."

"Well spoken," said C, climbing back out the window. "Although you might have considered holding on for a few more days. Your Wings lost tonight, and even if they beat Bostopia, they might be out, anyway."

Peter flopped lazily on his bed and covered his face with his hands. "Son of a bitch!"

FABRÍCIO TAKES THE FIELD

A Sporting Poem

The outlook wasn't brilliant for the Cafundeu squad that day;
The score stood one to nil, with but five minutes more to play,
And then Careca missed an easy shot, and Sampa did the same,
A sickly silence fell upon the patrons of the game.

A straggling few got up to go in deep despair. The rest
Clung to that hope which springs eternal in the human breast;
They thought, if just Fabricio could get a shot at fame -
Oh why had Bosschart rested him for such a crucial game?

But Aristotoles went first, then Marossi took the field,
And the former was a lulu and the latter didn't appeal;
So then that stricken multitude to grim melancholy clutched,
For there seemed but little chance of Fabricio doing much.

But Aristotoles let drive a stinging shot, to the wonderment of all,
That Cauleaso, the Imperial goalie, saved as it curled around the wall
And when the dust had lifted, and the men saw what had occurred,
Moreira stood by the corner flag, and on the home bench someone stirred

Then from the thousand throats and more there rose a lusty yell;
It rumbled through the valley, it rattled in the dell;
It knocked upon the mountain and recoiled as from a shield,
For Fabricio, yes Fabricio, was advancing to the field.

There was ease in Fabricio's manner as he stepped into his place;
There was pride in his strong bearing and a smile on his long face.
And when, responding to the cheers, his smile shone like the sun,
No stranger in the crowd could doubt Fabricio's time had come.

Ten thousand eyes were on him as he rubbed his hands with dirt;
Five thousand tongues applauded when he wiped them on his shirt.
While Moreira prepared the corner kick by jiggling his hips,
Defiance gleamed in Fabricio's eyes, a sneer curled round his lips.

And now the leather-covered sphere came hurtling through the air,
And Fabricio stood a-watching it in haughty grandeur there.
Close by sturdy Glycaso the tall attacker sped-
Glycaso cynically fouled him. "Penalty!" the referee said.

From the benches, black with people, there went up a muffled roar,
Like the beating of the storm-waves on a stern and distant shore.
"Kill him! Kill Glycaso!" shouted someone on the stand;
And it's likely they'd a-killed him had not Fabricio raised his hand.

With a smile of Christian charity great Fabricio's visage shown;
He stilled the rising tumult; he bade the game go on;
He signaled to the referee, and once more the spheroid flew;
And Fabricio shot and scored, but the ref said "no! Take two!"

"Fraud!" cried the maddened thousands, and echo answered fraud;
But one scornful look from Casey and the audience was awed.
They saw his face grow stern and cold, for Da Silva had encroached,
A penalty can never count if other players poach.

The sneer is gone from Fabricio's lip, he must show what he's got;
He must score with this penalty, he must score with this shot.
The referee puts down the ball, and now he lets it go,
And now the air is shattered by the force of Fabricio's blow.

Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright;
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children wave;
But there's no joy in Cafundeu — for Fabricio's shot's been saved.

"Dammit Smith what's going on here. Your plan backfired miserably. The Hippos should be shut out right now and eliminated after Zwangzug and Jeruselem took care of them. Not tied for first with 4 points and all but certain to advance with Rennidan left on the schedule. All they have to do is get a lousy draw and they'll advance. What are your people doing over there?"

"I'm as shocked as anyone mr. president. I was certain those two teams would have gotten the job done. Andrews pulled a fast one on us switching the team over to defense and counterattacking like the old days. Totally messed up the game plans of the other teams by the looks of it. But don;t count Rennidan out yet sir, they've played pretty well in their other two matches before this. They could be due for a breakthrough win at the right time for us.:

"THat only helps us if Jeruselem beats Zwangzug though, with the goals advantage zwangzug has on us unless they get pummelled by those free love Jersuelites, we should lse the tiebreaker there. Anything else and we move on since we beat Jeruselem for the head to head tiebreaker if we end up tied."

"Jersuelites? Isn;t that off New York?"

"This isn;t the time for jokes Smith. I notice your faux cultists don;t seem to be making much trouble for the religious nuts either. What's going on there?"

"It seems the academy students taken for the mission were from the alias program which focuses on being able to impersonate someone from anywhere in the world."

"So what's the problem."

"Well it seems because of all the time spent studying and acting they had very little time for any sort of combat training so when the crazed religious freaks attacked them they lost the fight and spent the next several days complaining about the distinguishing marks the assorted bruises and welts inflicted on them will ruin their infiltration scores in their finals next week."

"You're kidding right? Why didn;t you send the combat agents in then? or mix them up or something?"

"Well mr. president it was thought that those students lacked the self control needed to prevent any riots from taking place if not start them on their own. Full scale riots are against the current MO of the cultists so doing so might make people suspicious."

"Well what about Rennidan, can you do anything to ensure the upset?"

"We could try drugging the Hippo's water bottles, make them sluggish and cut down their reaction times so Rennidan can run up and down the field on them. Or we coudl add illegal drugs to it and get the team disqualified."

"No smith, that wouldn;t work, they've let undead zombies and stoners into this thing, no one will care about illegal drugs, if the WCC even has anything listed as such. No go for the drowsy pills or whatever you call them."

"Activity suppressant energy sapping midoclorite neutralizing nappytime pills mr. president."

"Nappytime?"

"Yes sir, keeps the students from mixing them up during their training."

"Fine whatever, just make sure it works. From the looks of things we may have a winnable match ahead if we make it to the knockouts so make sure we don't get that far."

"Yes mr. president."

"...just so cool over there."

"I believe you. I can't wait. I mean, the guy's name is Rover! Get that!"

Muus Jurin's spirits were high. As well they should have been. He'd scored his first-ever goal in the Cup proper in the forty-seventh minute, and assisted later on in the half on Rohit's second goal of the night. Plus, he'd gotten to sign with Char Sara. Awesome all-around.

"So," said Andrew in a spirit-lowering tone as he appropached. "That second half."

"Oh?" Megan interrupted her enthusiastic description of Valanora to retort. "What about it?"

"Well...we played well."

If there was any way to make a single elongated clap sarcastic, Megan accomplished it. "Yaaay us. Point being?"

"Point being what was the point? We were up one-nil, and they weren't threatening."

"They might've," Muus interjected. "When that new defender came on, he had more energy, they coulda done something."

"They're just kids. Growing old too fast, maybe, but we're not through yet. We're gonna need goals against Jeruselem."

Megan closed her eyes a moment, calculating. "A scoreless draw would work fine."

Andrew closed his eyes a moment, failing to stay calm. "A scoreless draw. Yes. You would think of that."

"There are twenty-three of us," she pointed out. "If fresh legs are what we need, I'm sure...Tara or somebody could come in at right-back."

"And somebody else at half-time," Muus suggested jocularly. Tara, too, had once played for Rovers United, and her injuries tended towards the increasingly freakish.

Andrew threw his hands up in the air. "Forget it. Just...never mind."

Megan raised only one, a know-it-all craving to be called on. "Oh! Ooh! No, I got it. You want to go easy on the newbies out of your...um...kind-hearted spirit."

"Just...give it up."

Was it respect he felt towards the Eagles, unknown again? An incredibly grudging sort of respect, if that was what it was. Who knew? Who cared?

---Ile de Nouveau Bostopia, somewhere---

Dear Diary

Today I have escaped from the Han. I am writing from a secure location from where I have contacted the Bostopian Fleet and they are on their way to rescue me from the perils and pitfalls of Han capture! See, the Han, in their infinite wisdom, left me in an unsecured cell from which it was easy for me to escape.

My escape was made at night, and in MY infinite wisdom, I tied a pillowcase around Sheridan's head, hit him with a can of beer – which I then drank – then proceeded to make my way to Lemay's cell, where I boshed him over the head with his stick his white flag is on then ceremonially put it in his hand and waved it about, he was a bit conscious still so he did surrender. I now need a new life goal.

I then found a Han radio which I have now found out reads “Property of Colonel Pak” on it. I unfortunately also found that the Field Marshal had lost his life bravely protecting me. His coffin will be returning to Bostopia and will be buried with full military honours.

I must now stop writing, as I managed to steal some... weapons... from the Hans and must now go hunt for dinner. The Bostopian Fleet will be here soon and I don't want my stomach to rumble during my grand return.

The Meice Journal
All the news that fits, we print!
Vol. 169, No. 65 - 22 April 1761

Sports

Win over Yafor 2 overshadowed by WCC president's disappearance
by Sadiques Dotsmens

Of course the Vephraller Foutbiller Restritris is excited about our national team's victory over Yafor 2. And of course they're excited about the fact that this means that the team has officially clinched a spot in the knockout rounds for the second consecutive time. But the prevailing mood at VFR headquarters is one of worry.

Angufams Wecoisus, current president of the World Cup Committee and former holder of the same title within the VFR, has not been heard from since he went on a vacation to Petaki, a small and remote island city in far southeastern Vephrall about midway between Cenany and Solonds. Wecoisus departed for Petaki from Raynor City in Valanora, where he had been believed to be meeting with VSC representatives regarding the Valanora-Vephrall bid to host World Cup 43.

http://www.prism.gatech.edu/~gth681k/ns/vephrall/petaki_journal.png

There was much controversy within the VFR regarding Wecoisus' presence in Raynor City, due to the fact that he is not technically in the employment of the VFR at this time and therefore arguably should not have been an active participant in such discussions, especially given what seemed like the obvious potential for a conflict of interest. Many believed that Wecoisus should have been in Septentrionia or Cafundéu overseeing the ongoing World Cup, and that he certainly should not have been taking a vacation during the proceedings.

Calls to Wecoisus' mobile phone have gone unanswered, though by all accounts service is still rather spotty in Petaki anyway. It is estimated that he has now been missing for about two weeks. Current VFR president Rictavos Izorigor could not be reached for comment, though one of his assistants indicated that the VFR would henceforth be working in cooperation with the VNP (Vephraller Nesnooeller Pals, "Vephrese Investigative Agency") to try to locate Wecoisus.

In Jeruselem, at a Jeruselem World Cup 42 party with a lot of subdued participants ... including the two Princesses and the King.

Marie: We have to beat them ZwungZag folks ...
Jacinta: That's ZwangZug ...
Marie: Whatever ...
Jacinta: We'll win! Don't worry Marie.

Marie: OK, if we lose against ZZ - we go home.
Jacinta: Which means Tynelia and ZZ get through anyway.
Marie: So we can't lose, which is basic.
Jacinta: We cannot lose then. Sounds familiar ... sounds like last World Cup!

Marie: Right, if we draw the game! We need Tynelia to actually lose to Rennidan.
Jacinta: Like that's going to happen. Anyway, head-to-head will be factor too.
Marie: Well a draw with ZZ is fine but it does not help us.
Jacinta: No, and Tynelia will beat Rennidan.

Marie: Well, we can't draw or lose then.
Jacinta: That leaves, a must win.
Marie: Oh well, it's simple equation then.
Jacinta: Means we have to win, nothing else.

Marie: So if we win, we could top this group!
Jacinta: Only if Rennidan won or drew their game.
Marie: So that's not going happen either.
Jacinta: So what can we conclude?

Marie: Tynelia will beat or draw Rennidan, most likely to beat them.
Jacinta: Oh, well the team just need to win.
Marie: Pity about Jeru FC.
Jacinta: That's OK, they qualified. Well, they did well like Rennidan.

Marie: It's good to have sis back home as good news.
Jacinta: Yeah, she's a different person these days.
Marie: She's more like you.
Jacinta: And you're more like the old sis.

Richard: Hello girls, err we lost right?
Marie: Yes, we should have won since the ref was biased against us.
Jacinta: Yes, stupid ref ruined the game by slowing down so much we couldn't get any sorta rhythem going.
Richard: I got my Kate back, so there's nothing that's going ruin this year apart from a war with Bostopia or Southern Northland.

Jacinta: Did Kate ask about your sex life when she was locked up?
Richard: Yes, she did ...
Marie: Well! Do say!
Richard: I had to admit to taking advantage of you lot a few times in times of need. She was quite amused since she probably expected that to happen since you look a lot like her.

Marie: A man must get his daily bread ... crumpet ... bike rides.
Richard: There's far too much temptation with just two around.
Jacinta: We're sisters! We're into sharing and caring.
Richard: I think too much sharing with you Dallas girls.

Man runs around in celebration, shouting obscenities at the Princesses, praising Tynelia.

Jacinta: Aw, not again. I hate these drunk idiots.
Richard: Marie, please do not cut off his head. Kate got into enough trouble doing things like that.
Marie: I won't ... something different
Richard: Some people should really get rehab.

The man's clothes all rip off ... the mans runs off into the bathroom to hide.

Marie: Oh dear ...
Richard: You do misuse your force powers sometimes.
Jacinta: Man, he had a weenie ... the size of rabbit's weenie!
Marie: GUARDS, ARREST THAT MAN FOR OBSCENE BEHAVIOUR IN PUBLIC

Richard: You're not a good mood are you?
Marie: No.
Jacinta: Figures.
Richard: I'm glad you're on my side. Say, did I see tube of liquid open up and stick to this hands?

Marie: That was superglue ...
Richard: So his hands are glued to his privates now?
Jacinta: Marie's on the ball today.
Richard: That stuff is flammable ...

Marie: So?
Richard: He's learnt his lesson, no need to make suffer more.
Marie: Anyone got matches?
Jacinta: Don't do it Marie.

(Two Ex-pat Bazalonians living in Jeruselem)

"Wait, they have laws against 'Obscene Behaviour in public'?"

"Yep... and it was even for nudity."

"What, Shouldn't the Dallas clan be all locked up then?""

"It was apparently a man, I don't have all the details but he didn't have any clothes on and had been running around."

"That's stupid."

"Well, no it's not but it is highly hypocritical for whoevers in charge to imprison the man and not the dallases. I mean they even have Virtual Strumpet and I doubt anything this man did was even near that."

"I'd have a mind to complain!"

"Well, let's!"

...


Dear King of Jeruselem

We were astonished today to find out that Jeruselem has a law against 'Obscene Behaviour in Public'. Yet in our day to day lives we have been bombarded with obscene material both on the television and wherever certain citizens have been.

It seems that there is one law for men and another one for women, totally inappropraite and sexist for a modern country like Jeruselem. We demand that this law be enforced against all those in the Dallas family. The nation is currently in the grip of hypocrisy and double standards presenting one thing and then doing another behind closed doors. This is an unacceptable situation for a leader of any nation let alone a king. Who is expected to act with the dignity of the post. A dignity that Jeruselem has lost as a result of not properly enforcing this law.

As a result we believe Dallas enterprises should be shut down to never sully this great nation once again.

Thank you, Concern Citizens.



"Isn't that lying saying we're concerned citizens?"

"We're concerned aren't we?"

"Of course, otherwise I wouldn't support the letter but we are obviously not citizens. That may get us into trouble."

"Well, who cares I'm sending it off and we'll see what happens."

Dear King of Jeruselem

We were astonished today to find out that Jeruselem has a law against 'Obscene Behaviour in Public'. Yet in our day to day lives we have been bombarded with obscene material both on the television and wherever certain citizens have been.

It seems that there is one law for men and another one for women, totally inappropraite and sexist for a modern country like Jeruselem. We demand that this law be enforced against all those in the Dallas family. The nation is currently in the grip of hypocrisy and double standards presenting one thing and then doing another behind closed doors. This is an unacceptable situation for a leader of any nation let alone a king. Who is expected to act with the dignity of the post. A dignity that Jeruselem has lost as a result of not properly enforcing this law.

As a result we believe Dallas enterprises should be shut down to never sully this great nation once again.

Thank you, Concern Citizens.


Dear "So called" Concerned Citizens

The DNA found on your letter does not match any know Jeruselem citizen or match any known immigrants. Furthermore, further analysis shows the origin from Bazalonian origin so this complain will not be followed up as you are not a native of Jeruselem. Immigration records show the DNA on letter reveal you are expats from Bazalonia and we know your identity. We will not press any charges for attempted identify theft for now.

Jeruselem has laws against identity theft so please do not attempt do this again. We know who you really are.
As for obscenity laws, Jeruselem is not a democracy. Laws are not applied equally - we don't hide that fact.

Please, next time - do not attempt identify theft. Use your real names.

Secretary to the King of Jeruselem

"That match was scary." Zhan Xiu commented as he came in from the field to cool down after the Wentland match.

"I thought it was going to be tied at 1-all for a moment" added Justin Cole

"Though thanks to Hector and his amazing scizzor kick we made it. It was either us or them."

"Yeah though we've still got to beat Daehanjeiguk if we want to make it through we can't take it for granted... I mean look, they basically knocked out Wentland."

"That's it, if we lose, we're out. If we draw, we just have to hope Sorthern lose by 2. though if we win..... we're through. Those are the stats at the moment" James Gaines commented Ex-President of the BFSA.

"We won't just win we'll demolish them...." roared Lleyton the team responded with a roar of their own. They were pumped and ready to take on the in-form 28th ranked team and to progress.

Dear "So called" Concerned Citizens

The DNA found on your letter does not match any know Jeruselem citizen or match any known immigrants. Furthermore, further analysis shows the origin from Bazalonian origin so this complain will not be followed up as you are not a native of Jeruselem. Immigration records show the DNA on letter reveal you are expats from Bazalonia and we know your identity.

Jeruselem has laws against identity theft so please do not attempt do this again. We know who you really are.
As for obscenity laws, Jeruselem is not a democracy. Laws are not applied equally - we don't hide that fact.

Secretary to the King of Jeruselem

"See, I told you that could backfire..."

"Whatever. I don't like this place anyway. I'm leaving!"

"They're forcing you out?"

"No heck, no. I just don't want to live in any place where the rule of law isn't respected where even dodgy celebs that have almost a larger hate club than fan club get away with things. There's a constitution for a reason and if the King's just going to ignore laws like the obscene behaviour one then what's to stop him from ignoring more important ones?"

"Oh, when you put it like that."

"You better come with me too."

"What?"

"You just know they've got people listening in to this conversation... They won't do anything unless they think we're a threat and how can we be a threat if we just pack up and go home."

"Yeah... I've been wanting a good burger for a while now, alright. I'll organise the flights now... We've got enough money?"

"We should... and any case we can always borrow from mum."

They both laughed for a while before starting to organise their trip home. In a week they'd arrive back in Drago...They rang up their families and informed them and were starting to pack up ready to go... but not before sending another letter to the king.

Dear King's Secretary, since your the one who'll actually read this

So you probably know what we're going to do anyway but I'd thought I send you this as a little present. Not much really just a little gift to say how much we appreciated your response.

Thanks, Not concerned about stealing no one's identity non-Citizens


Inserted into the letter was a little eraser. It had a design on it and was shapped to match the design. It was of a little boy with bracers and blonde curly hair sticking his tongue out cheekily at whoever looked at it.

PRESS RELEASE

--Academy of Foreign Affairs--

Under pressure by various interest groups, it has come to our attention that recent history has conspired to reveal a great inequity of justice within the state of Jeruselem. Whereas the Kingdom of Jeruselem is heralded as a great and orderly state, the recent release of the Queen of Jeruselem - held under Vanorian laws to serve a sentence within the confines of a Vanorian temple - has put suspicion of favoritism towards specific interests. Despite the surrender of the Queen to Vanorian jurisdiction, the release of the Queen from this jurisdiction by the State - even though reflecting a change of heart by Her Majesty - has violated this jurisdiction and called to question the judicial integrity of the Kingdom. Meanwhile, a person violating local laws against nudity was noted to have been tortured as punishment. We are uncertain of the circumstances, but enough intelligence has been revealed to suggest that a man was forced to glue his hands to his genitalia before having the glue incinerated. Even in the Han Empire, we do not condone such barbarism as punishment. However, for the crime committed, if such action warrants it, justice demands every violator to be treated as such.

As to the apparent judicial bias favoring women, we are concerned. Female members of the Dallas and Sallad clans have been noted to be striding throughout the country with minimal cover, and under similar circumstances governing the punishment of the man, should receive the same punishment. However, it is neither punished nor condemned. In some circumstances, the state appears to sanction the promiscuous behavior of its female members while restricting men to a more conservative role.

As a country which has no official relations with Jeruselem, the Celestial Regency can only suggest that the Kingdom be more equitable in its administration of justice, that the Kingdom uphold its commitments to the jurisdiction of the standing law, and that the Kingdom further review its own justice system to make its punishments more civil. Nonetheless, we have no interest to involve ourselves, neither to uphold any moral code internationally nor to heed the cries of human rights' defenders within the Empire. However, in the interest of upholding the moral tradition of the Han Empire, we cannot hope to formalize our relations while the Kingdom of Jeruselem remains committed to disregard the equality of its citizens and the respect for the law. As such, until the Kingdom addresses these grievances, we will neither submit to the Kingdom any further messages concerning our disappointments or praises. And frankly, if the Kingdom chooses to ignore our concerns, they will continue to ignore the concerns of justice - of which, we will likewise have no further interest.

The Academy of Foreign Affairs has likewise publicized this message to the international community, so that the concerns of our people and our government may be recognized by the international community, either to their stalwart praise or to adamant ignorance. We hope that the Kingdom makes the most sensible decision promptly.

Count Han Seungsu
韓昇洙伯
http://i159.photobucket.com/albums/t156/daehanjeiguk/foreign.png

From the Office of the Royal Family of Jeruselem

Response to Count Han Seungsu of the Academy of Foreign Affairs

The incident afore referred to by Count Han Seungsu was regrettable. The gentlemen mentioned has indeed punished but for his own good. He was allowed to participate in the party as he gave an oath to behave himself. Unfortunately he broke this oath and the good faith of the party organisers. The man was disruptive and assaulted a female staff member trying to quiet him down. We had no choice to enact the following acts to stop continuing disruption to the party. The glue was necessity to restrict the man's arm movements because no one could get near him without being harmed because he was resisting any attempts to nullify his behaviour.

As for accusations, Jeruselem is now neglecting the rights of males over females in Jeruselem ... this is bunk. For most periods of history in the past in Jeruselem, men have treated females as nothing more than slaves or just baby factories. Men still rule Jeruselem - in war, politics, religion and business. Most women in Jeruselem are just still Mums taking care of the kids, very few have real power over anything. While the treatment of females may seem now imbalanced towards the extreme side, it is not so. Men still run Jeruselem and still seek to keep females out of their exclusive domains.

Jeruselem will not comment about the female status in Han or any other place. Yes, the comment about Jeruselem but each to their own. My sister has served her time for her crime. She was a prisoner like any other and like any other prisoner, when she's proved she has reformed - she is allowed to rejoin the outside world again.

The expression of freedom by female in Jeruselem in the form public nudity is a way of liberation. We are saying this is our bodies and we have nothing to hide from the world - this is the real us not clothed by fake pretentions.

Some people think we should go the Jeruselem of the past - what Jeruselem was that? Intolerance, genocide, war, religious conflict, battles of theology via blood, religous surpression, as well as females treated like slaves and traded goods. We do not seek to go back to old ways. In the past, if a man or woman directly insults the monarchy especially in the presence of monarchy - it is death by the sword, no questions asked. We tolerate dissent but through proper channels. Behaving like loser is not the path of redemption.

Princess Marie-Antoinette Dallas

To Whom it may Concern in Jeruselem:
From: The Qazox Attache to Jeruselem
RE: International Flap

While according to your national legislation the punishment doled out to the man in question may be warranted, Qazox cannot in good faith mantain relations with a nation that is so seemingly influenced by one family. A family which is seemingly eitehr abusing or disregarding the rule of law when it suits them to do so.

While we agree, in principle, that "what happens in Jeruselem, stays in Jeruselem", as one of your tourist commericals so blithly states; the thought of the perceived injustices and double standards within your nation, leaves me no choice but to temporarily supend our national interactions, until such a time they may be re-initiated by either side.

Upon orders from Daniel Renoir, Fuhur of Qazox, I am being recalled to Qazox for period of time of no less than 60 days. The Jeruselemite Ammbassador to Qazox, one Dazza Dallas, is also hereby required to leave Qazox for a period of time equivalent.

While teh nation and people Jeruselem remains one of our most fond and dearest friends, we hope for your understanding in this matter. Normal trade, travel and other considerations will remain in effect until further notice.

Signed,
Barry Trotz, Cultural Attache

The Jeruselem Times

Understanding the Holy Land

If any foreigner, new to Jeruselem declares they understand our home works ... it's a delusion. Jeruselem is a unique place with a very unique character.

Some foreigners seem to hate the often savage and unpleasant nature of our country. Jeruselem is not place to be "warm and fuzzy" nor it is the most equitable place around either. The truth is, it's who has biggest sword who runs the country. Many call us "Barbaric" in our approach to justice but our past reveals the nature of beast we are talking about.

Since 1000 BC, our nation has been occupied by many powers. The Jews, Romans, Hittites, European Crusaders, Islamic Arabs, Byzantines, Selucids, Babylonians, Persians, Canannites, Turks, Egyptians, Syrians/Assyrians and many more. At this time of history, it seems the European Crusaders have returned again.

While Jeruselem loves it's law and order, it must be enforced via the sword. Our nation is a nation of splintered Christian, Jewish and Islamic movements - some of which are eternal enemies. A truly democratic state in Jeruselem would fail due to many religious factions eternally at war with each other. The ruling government must enforce it's power with absolute force to keep these forces quiet.

So the peace, a visitor sees - it the result of military control. Jeruselem is not nation blessed with many natural resources so everyone fights over what resources are available. Due to Jews, Jeruselem is rich but it's not always been this way in the past.

From the outside, control of the nation by any singular family is a bad thing due to the potential for abuse of power. But this is how Jeruselem operates. Jewish families control the business world, while the mainly Dallas family take the crown. The Arabs have their local Sultan who has real power but as a remnant of the past Arab occupation is a focal point for symbolism of the past.

Family is everything in Jeruselem, because wherever you go - there's some family pulling the strings. The Dallas family aren't just rich because one of them married the current king, they had a business empire before that. An important member of the Dallas family is Princess Jacinta Sasha Dallas who seems to be the Dallas connection to the Jewish families in Jeruselem.

The enforcement of law is rather contractory. The "rule of law" idea does not stand here as some wish it would. Yes there is rules and laws but enforcement is rather subject to local prejustice. Due to the fractured religious system here, law enforcement is dependant on who's enforcing the law on who. It's always been this way in Jeruselem.

So if one looks in Jeruselem, and thinks - this should be judged this way - WRONG. In this very non-homogenuous society - things are done way we do in the past. If one blames the Dallas family for the ills of today, it's not really fair as they are just doing what has been done before because it is only way to maintain this country.

Weakness is failure here. The Dallas girls certainly aren't weak because they too have become Jeruselemites and aren't Ariddian anymore. Jeruselemites are a product 3000 years of constant warfare, one hand with a rose and one with sword. That is the price of peace here.

Read the Old Testament - that this Jeruselem. The Holy Land is not perfect but then it was never perfect and never will until a certain time. For now, it isn't and don't expect it to be. There's one true thing about Jeruselem, we aren't boring. Because, the Old Testament is just part of the drama we are.

The life of Jesus part of us in Jeruselem but the life of Dazza Dallas is equally important because ... both are part of Jeruselem like the fabric of God's creation.

By Professor Yisrael Joseph Rubenstein of Jerusalem University, Faculty of Biblical Studies

THE MONASTIC TIMES

HOLY SYNOD CONGRATULATES JERUSELEM GOVERNMENT
"Public Nudity Must Be Punished" Says Archimandrite

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

The Holy Synod of the Archregimancy was today quick to congratulate the Jeruselem authorities for their forthright and severe attitude towards sinful displays nudity in public.

"Public Nudity must be punished" said a senior archimandrite, speaking on condition of anonymity, "and while reports that the male generative organ of the individual in question was subsequently severely burned may strike some as harsh, the basic concept of severe public humiliation is sound."

The Holy Synod was quick to add that any individual engaging in public nudity in the Archregimancy would be immediately deported, and potentially anathematised where the violation was particularly egregious.

While some may find it strange that the Holy Synod was defending a nation of Jews and Catholics, there is precedent for cooperation between the Orthodox Church and Messiah-deniers and Western schismatics over shared moral issues. "Public nudity is wrong" read a statement issued by the Synod "and while we may have to wait until the Day of Judgement for the Jews to convert to the One True Church, we needn't wait so long to offer them our firm support on this one specific issue."

Others were surprised to see such a strong statement of support being issued towards a nation usually characterised as the home of the 'Whores of Babylon', 'wanton wretches', and 'lust-filled harlots', but the Synod's statement made no mention of these better-known aspects of Jeruselemite culture.

In other news, the Archregimancy's national football team found themselves top of their World Cup group last night following a 2-1 victory over Lovisa. Qualification for the second round is by no means assured as the squad's final first round match is against World Cup champions Starblaydia. A loss to Starblaydia combined with a solid victory for Kura-Pelland over Lovisa may still see the Archregimancy crashing out of the tournament. As Starblaydia need to win themselves to guarantee a spot in the second round, nothing can be taken for granted, and the squad were said to praying hard last night in preparation of the match to come.

Some media reports issued during this World Cup suggest that the 'Fred'-wearing Starblaydia squad worship a bearded pagan sky god who lives in the clouds. This curious heathen figure bears a superficial resemblance to heretical schismatic portrayals of God the Father, but is so alien to Orthodox iconography that we can only pity the poor deluded Starblaydis for their bizarre heterodox belief system.

Importance of Homogenous Policing in Heterogeneous Environments

Policing in Heterogeneous environments can indeed by a risky adventure. There is always a chance that you could provoke adverse reactions from one of the groups. The only reasonable way to reduce the risk of such reaction is to apply a uniform standard upon all these groups. No one group is set out for comparitively harsher treatment which in many cases fuels violent reactions. Standard and dispassionate application of the law across all disparate groups of society is needed if there is going to be effective co-operation between them.

In fact it is in heterogeneous environment where homogenous policing of a set standard is absolutely necessary to keep a harmoneous environment. If one only relies on the force of military than no military in the world can perfectly everyone and everything in balance and this goes doubly for the military policing itself.

--- Extract of an article in Bazalonia's Journal of Policing

Some media reports issued during this World Cup suggest that the 'Fred'-wearing Starblaydia squad worship a bearded pagan sky god who lives in the clouds. This curious heathen figure bears a superficial resemblance to heretical schismatic portrayals of God the Father, but is so alien to Orthodox iconography that we can only pity the poor deluded Starblaydis for their bizarre heterodox belief system.

OOC: Having mocked and been mocked in return back and forth in various STB/AIF RPs (I think Juan mentioned something about a Sky or Sun God to SDB and his Animistic beliefs a while back), I figured the best thing to do would be to actually work out what your Starblaydi Fam'dai follower actually believes in...


IC:

"I hope Drathor will be at our side in the final match," Daymon Callind said, "we may just need his help against The Archregimancy."

"Which one of your Gods is that?" Fenchurch 'Fenny' Bentley mocked. A member of the Galvanised Wesleyan Church of Nova Britannicus, she had little time for the panoply of Fam'dai gods. "Is he the God of getting out of groups that we really should be cruising out of but haven't because of one loss?"

"Competition," Daymon said flatly, "Contests and battles and..." his mind searched for what else Drathor was the incarnation of, "...wrestling."

"Riiiight," Fenny replied, rolling her eyes, "that'll be useful."

"Drathor isn't a God, Fenny." said Lex Panarii. He was a history professor, their World Cup-winning manager and also a staunch practitioner of the Fam'dai. "He is one of the Darai, they are akin to angels, and he's one of the more powerful and noble Dara. Among the Fam'dai's teachings he represents, as Daymon said, battle and contest, he laughs and sings in conflict, and we will need his help as well as that of your God."

"I only have one God, though," Fenny replied, slightly unsure of herself, "not like the Fam'dai."

"It's actually a monotheistic religion," Lex replied, "Ehud is the One, the creator of all things, the spark and the flame of the universe. He and his Darai are a little like your God and his assembled ranks of angels, as well as being the elements and emotions of people. It explains the human rationale in a much simpler way than the various Christian texts. I've got a book on it that I can lend you."

"Er, thanks... coach."

Ad’ihan coalition joins Jeruselem debate

The governing coalition in the Ad’ihani Senate has joined the international debate over Jeruselem's apparent uneven and rather arbitrary application of its own laws, including those on free speech and public nudity. With Ad’ihan's own World Cup form not being the best, Prime Minister Alex Canning looked keen to avoid being grilled on funding for sport during his weekly press conference.

When asked about the World Cup, Canning quickly moved the discussion onto that of the current diplomatic situation brewing in Jeruselem with Bazalonian expatriates, which has led to Qazox and Daehanjeiguk both issuing statements; the former even recalling its attaché in the country.

"It's utterly outrageous. While we agree with the laws on public nudity, this arbitrary application of its own laws to random people within its country should not be tolerated by the international community, and dare I say it this episode has cast a shadow on the entire Cup.

"Ad’ihan has no official relations with Jeruselem, and I for one thank god for that — we can safely say that we won't be pursuing any diplomatic relations between our countries at all in the future.

"This government would like to commend our Qazoxian and Han counterparts for their words and actions in response to this flagrant violation of human rights in Jeruselem."

Away from politics, team manager Luke Evans would not be drawn to comment on the situation. "My sole concern is how we will go about qualifying for the next round. I don't care what's going on in Jeruselem or anywhere else, I only care about Group A. We know we have to win big against the Holy Empire due to our 4-1 loss to Cafundéu. I'll be reverting to the tried-and-tested back line from last cup for this next match; as much as I like and trust our youngsters, it's experience that will count against the Holy Empire."

Statement from Daniel Henrik, Foreign Minister of Bostopia.
For broadcast outside of Bostopia only.

As most of you will be aware, there has been furore between foreign nations and Jeruselem over the treatment of a gentleman at a party in Jeruselem, attended by that nations Royal Family, and the treatment of the Royal Family of Jeruselem for participating in similar activities.

In Bostopia, we are of course very tolerant to public nudity, so unfortunately have to disagree with the position of the Holy Synod. However, reports state that this man was interfering with himself in a very public place and so we must agree that he be punished. I am reliably informed by The Honourable Kyle Peters, Home Secretary, that we are also somewhat tolerant of couples engaging themselves in public places on condition that the areas are so remote that it is unlikely they would be seen or make themselves known to passers-by.

We in Bostopia are aware that while we are of course well known for getting ourselves involved in others affairs, we believe that this is a time when other countries should step back and let the Jeruselemites rule themselves. Our Royal Family, or one member in particular, gets away with most everything, and we feel the rule of the Royal Family, no matter how biased should be respected. Nations are entitled to speak out against nations, but they are also entitled to turn a blind eye against the issue, letting the country rule themselves without external pressure, and in some cases, enjoy watching nations wallow in the mess of their own failed rules, be they economics or law.

We will of course not say that if the Jeruselemites did not like it they would rise up, as I myself am a member of a one-party-state who's true popularity it will never be known.

We wish all nations good fortunes in their own affairs and good will in their relations with ourselves.

Daniel Henrik, Member of the Isles Parliament (Bostopian National Party, Riikenberg North-East).

Foreign Minister, Empire of the Confederate States of the East and West Isles of Bostopia.

Alan Sentor, MIP (BNP, Bassingdale South).

Prime Minister, Empire of the Confederate States of the East and West Isles of Bostopia.

大韓帝國民會副本官-九月十五日
대한제국민회부본관-구월십오일
Imperial Assembly Transcripts - 9/15

長者李上國
장자이상국
Orator: Yi Sangguk

TRANSLATED FROM HANEO FOR PUBLIC INTERNATIONAL BROADCAST

Esteemed Citizens of the Imperial Assembly,

We are met in this esteemed hall which has seen its share of great people. For many years, the voice of many peoples from the Han Empire have come to this hall to voice concerns, matters of justice and law. We have come today, not to discuss the matters of our own, but for those of humanity. I am called by the matter that makes us human to protest the actions of a foreign state.

As many of you will notice, the foreign "Kingdom of Jeruselem"* has punished a subject of their own kingdom. While the nature of this punishment may be deplorable, I come not before you to protest this. Indeed, the states of the world may employ barbaric discipline, but lest we forget our own esteemed history, not all states share our appreciation for the proper and civil bearing of the state. Indeed, not many years ago, the Empire was hardly considered a very civil state by the very standards by which we judge the Jeruselemites*. Hypocrisy it might, but far from it. In fact, it is hypocrisy to leave it unprotested - that the states that call themselves civilized should allow punishment as the burning of any person's genitalia as right. But it is not our game to play today. It is rather the injustice execution of the law. Whereas many citizens are asked to follow the civil codes, whereby violation of these codes rectifies the use of discipline to correct these errors, the Kingdom of Jeruselem prefers selective choice. They claim that by necessity, they must select certain crimes as more grievous than others.

They justify their system as "proper" because it works. Be as it may, who wants to live under the yoke of a military regime? Everyday shuffled by the soldiers who police certain people but not others. Injustice, isn't it? At one time, the Han Empire was as wild and decrepit as I describe. And at one time, it might have been necessary. But to this day, we still have the Turks in Shingang Province. We still have the Muslims in Wunnam Province. The Spanish colonists* in the auxiliary Kingdom of Jonam. And everywhere in between, you will find still the diversity that makes us a fragmented society. The Joseon Kingdom - the Jonam Kingdom - the various other kingdoms - they all exist, but we do not let things as such trivial differences force ourselves to alienate one another. Do we parade our own citizens with the yoke of a military regime? No. They stand freely, because we trust them to do right by themselves and to others. Do we selectively punish one over the other? No. They are all punished the same. To pardon injustices in one man and punish yet another for the same crime is not justice, is not right, is not human. It is the way that the four-legged beasts manage, that the strong govern over the weak. In such society, the strong consume the weak. In such society, the strong overbear upon the weak. Strength is a merit by which the weak are judged. Indeed, I say that if there is any crime that the man was judged, it was not because he violated the law, but because he was weak, because he was susceptible to a person of power and became the proper and fitting victim for that society. "This is the crime of being weak, the crime of being fallible, the crime of being imperfect."

In the Han Empire, there is no crime for imperfection. There is no crime for weakness. In the Han Empire, we take such individuals and educate them. When a person errs in society, society takes the burden of blame for improperly educating that person. We do not punish any person for not being educated; we punish them for failing to learn. In Jeruselem, they punish you for being imperfect. When the Harlots* walk in the streets, they prey upon the weak and feeble people of their adopted country. When Jin Shihwang* unified the country under a barbarous iron fist, he did not seek to alienate his new subjects. Instead, he made the rule of law certain so people of diverse cultures could understand that the authority rests with him. And when injustices were suffered, he did well to punish each individual - not to selectively choose people whom he preferred to punish or to selectively forgo punishment among his favored kin. According to the Art of War, the ruler that waivers on rewards and punishment will fail, while he who makes the rewards and punishments certain will prosper. It is because he commands the respect of his people. When the Harlots walk, they command only the fear of their people, because they are unstable kin. It is the same mechanism by which the Mujeongbu* operate. They seek to restore the rule of law by which the strong govern the weak, to make people free through subordination to fear.

I criticize the Han government for failing to make this position certain. It is by extension failure of the Han government for allowing pariah states to govern over foreign and unfortunate subjects. But some claim that this is imperialistic - to go and institute ideals over the rest of humanity. After all, does not each state earn the right to govern over its own citizens? The queen of Jeruselem was released from her incarceration, after showing moderate rehabilitation. The Han government criticized this, but is it not in our tradition to release those criminals who have shown progression to a more civil state of mind? Indeed, I think that the Han government has shown itself to be inept in commanding the ways of civility and understanding that humanity is the true victim of this outrage. Indeed, I am pleased that the Jeruselemite Queen has recovered from her barbaric state and returned to society as a proper citizen of her country. It is the way of the Han to educate. But if such is in their power to educate their citizens, why not the man, whose violation of a civil code resulted in immediate punishment? Take the man and educate him - make him a civil being, not a wild animal that the elitists of Jeruselem wish to make him. What you see is the result of this savage style of government. If the Jeruselemite Queen has indeed recovered to a civil state of mind, she will undertake the reform of her government to take the words of an ancient king - "to bring about the rule of righteousness in the land, to destroy the wicked and the evil-doers; so that the strong should not harm the weak; so that the government should rule over the diverse peoples of the land, and to enlighten the land, to further the well-being of mankind." This - this here - this is justice.

Doubtless, there remains what response the world will have. So far, governments have condemned the action. Only The Archregimancy* have praised the action, citing the immorality of being unclothed. Irony - that they who treasure the wealth of Heaven should be blinded by material ideas of nudity. I find it funny too. And as no government will reasonably protest the outrage presented to the true victim of this - that is, humanity and justice - it is to the bearing of the people that the peoples of the world should unite against this inequity. And today, we are presented a unique opportunity to share our ideas to the world by public broadcast, in according to the privileges granted to the Imperial Assembly, by his Imperial Majesty Emperor Yeongmu - whose name should characterize our struggle against inhumanity*. We fight the war against the Mujeongbu based on ideology and military conflict. The state governs military struggle, but the people govern ideology. And by this, we will protest. It is therefore my appeal to all peoples of the world - free or otherwise, man or woman, child or adult, learned or stupid, civil or barbaric - be as they be human, that they should participate in a great protest against the Jeruselemite traditions of law by forgoing all material garments for one day. Humanity will expose itself in the manner that the man was exposed and leave the barbaric governments to decide whether or not such impiety should be punished. After all, clothes only come out to mask the imperfections of the human body. Why therefore should we be ashamed to hide our imperfections if it is no crime? And I do not mean to suggest that all humanity should be become promiscuous and engage in slothful activities, but rather that humanity should become unburdened by our differences and our impotencies to unite against this affront to humanity. To the fans in Septentrionie* preparing to watch the final contest between Jeruselem and Zwangzug*, I urge you to forgo wearing any clothes to show solidarity with the victims of oppressors, and to demonstrate our solidarity. If any within or beyond the borders of Jeruselem appeal to our cause, we urge them likewise to show themselves. To the people of the world, show your true colors in defense against oppression of humanity.

I leave with these words, spoken by the Emperor Jeongmu, upon his declaration of the Imperial Edict of Voluntary Civic Duty of the 5th Year:

"We take the progress of our forebears to ensure the same success that they had striven to achieve in their life to procure our own, so that we may likewise pass the same marks to our own children. And in respect for the common bond that all peoples of the Empire - that though we may share different ideas, we may share different traditions, we may share different blood, we are all human and that we cumulatively bear the burden for success. Why should we then restrict ourselves in common solidarity for the same objective - to prosper as a nation - to ensure personal success? The state that holds to these ancient ideals understands neither the force of national unity nor of civil humanity. Because the human born from the womb is made an animal, but with others can become the force that moves many mountains. Therefore, in an effort to move many mountains, I will strive to provide to all citizens the same services endowed by few to many - that every citizen justice is judged equally of the merit of their actions, that every citizen is offered equally the same opportunities to succeed and prosper, that every citizen is the same authority to govern themselves as they do others. For the failure of one man is the failure of the state, and the success of the state is the success of each individual who makes the state. Let us then go together and bring prosperity to humanity*.

I bid you all a good day and wish for those who suffer to realize that humanity hears their suffering. May they one day come to the Han Empire and see what is the true bastion of civilization.

* "Kingdom of Jeruselem"::: translated from 유대인왕국 - literally "Jewish Kingdom"
* "Jeruselemites"::: see previous note
* "Spanish colonists"::: inhabitants of Jonamdo were Spanish speaking peoples from a foreign country before the country was taken in the 1769 war with that country; to this day, 서반민 is still used to described people who came from that foreign "Spain"; additionally, many people of Spanish origin bear the surname "서"
* "Harlots"::: translated from 매춘부 - meaning "promiscuous wife"
* "Jin Shihwang"::: Credited as the First Emperor of the Han, by lineage of the Mandate of Heaven
* "Mujeongbu"::: If you don't know what the Mujeongbu are at this stage, you read a good reading in Han history
* "The Archregimancy"::: translated from 영역의 종자금욕주의자- literally "the religious ascetics of the Other Realm"
* "whose name should characterize our struggle against inhumanity"::: refers to the name "Yeongmu", which would would translate roughly as "heroic war"
* "Septentrionie"::: translated from 세계축구고파의 영주국 - literally, "the other WC Host"
* "Zwangzug"::: We actually have a word!!! Check the Academy for Foreign Affairs (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=528461) for the Han translation
* "bring prosperity to humanity"::: the motto for the Han Empire

World Cup Qualification - Group 5
MD1: vs Gerainia (3-1) (@ Gwangdong Imperial Sports Complex and Stadium, Gwangju)
MD2: @ Ad'ihan (1-2) (@ Protectorate Stadium, Ad'ihan)
MD3: vs Universitus University (3-1) (@ King Kim Iljei Memorial Football Stadium, Malnira)
MD4: @ kenavt (4-1) (@ Granderson Stadium)
MD5: vs Lingdinis Insania (3-0) (@ Sanhaemun Football Stadium, Jinhwangdo)
M6: @ Kura-Pelland (0-3)
MD7: -bye-
MQ: vs Taeshan (1-0) (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD8: @ Gerainia (2-0)
MD9: vs Ad'ihan (1-1) (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD10: @ Universitus University (1-0)
MD11: vs kenavt (3-0) (@ Goguryeo Football Stadium, Hanseong)
MD12: @ Lingdinis Insania (5-1)
MD13: vs Kura-Pelland (1-0) (@ Cha Beomgeun Memorial Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD14: -bye-
World Cup 42 - Group B
MD1: vs Wentland (8) @ Gigantão, Santo Galvão (2-0)
MD2: vs Sorthern Northland (32) @ Estádio Nacional dos Cocos, Porto Lacruz (1-1)
MD3: vs Bazalonia (5) @ Maracatuzão, Dunboor


=== The Island ===

Emperor Boston was missing! At least that was what the reports were saying. And some equipment was missing, including Colonel Pak's radio. It really annoyed him, and to top it all off, Sheridan was sneering at him with a pillow tied around his head.

"Well, what did we lose?" Pak asked his subordinates

"Well, we're missing the following items, in order of importance. Liquefied cricket stoop in a can, two prodding sticks, two plastic caps that are used to set off plastic explosives, two plastic nodes used to set the charges for plastic explosives, two racks used to hold the plastic explosives, two tutus, and a radio."

"We have liquefied cricket stoop?"

"Well, one of our soldiers carried it for good luck. We do have reason to believe that the Emperor drank it."

"Alright... this guy likes cricket stoop?"

"Maybe."

"Anyway, where's my radio?"

"Well, we got complaints from nearby merchant vessels saying that some crazed lunatic was calling for the navy. They thought he was talking about us."

"Sounds like Boston..." Pak said, disgruntled that his radio was used. "Well, we'll get that radio back if it means prying it from his cold dead hands!"

"Ummm, we're not supposed to kill him... we're supposed to keep him."

"And who was the idiot that didn't check on them? We didn't keep them locked up in pins for a reason!"

"Well, Lemay was found locked in that prison cell..."

"I don't mean that!!! I mean, Emperor Boston was allowed to freely roam throughout the beach and do whatever the hell he wanted? That's a big no-no. I suppose we're going to intern the three leaders in our holding cells on board the Seijong Daehwang until the Emperor comes here for the discussions. Then we'll decide what to do."

"Yes, sir."

"What if neither Sheridan nor Lemay want to come?"

"Well, they're in our custody. We'll force them to come."

"Hmmm, I remember from watching some documentary a while that Emperor Boston likes tanks. Maybe... if we brought one..."

"No!!! Absolutely not!!! The last thing I want to have happen is some crazed lunatic driving a tank on this island!!!"

"Sir, with all due respect, the Emperor likes tanks. It might help us get him back to us so we can safely intern him with the others."

"Maybe..." Colonel Pak thought about it. It was a better alternative to just looking around for the Emperor. Maybe if the tank was inoperable... "Alright. Signal Commodore Yi and ask for permission to land one tank. Make it... no, make that 3 tanks. That way, we can stop him if he figures out how to operate the tank."

"Yes sir!"

"How do you use a tank to lure a tankophile?"

"Turn it on?"

<Qazox City, Qazox; Fuhur's meeting room>

Barry Trotz: Sir, I have sent the letter to Jeruselem as you requested. But If I may, why?

Daniel Renoir: Its none of your concern, Barry.

Trotz: Permission to speak freely, Fuhur?

Renoir: Barry, you're the only one I allow to do so.

Trotz: I think this is a big mistake, temporarily suspending our diplomatic ties with Jeruselem. Granted, other than sports, our two countries have little in common, but over the last 60 years, they've become one of if not our alliels, if not in treaty or fact, but in theory. I agree that what they did to that man was unexcusable, but since when have we cared about any thing other than what happens in Qazox or the Q continuum?

Renoir: I have my reasons. Now please leave, I have an important meeting with General Davidson in a few minutes.

<A bit later>

Man #1: So he didn't give you a reason?

Trotz: Nope. I think he's finally flipped, maybe.

Man #1: Just one last question for you, why is the Fuhur meeting with the General of the northern army three times day?

Trotz: I have no idea, the Fuhur instists that its renegade vandals from Certifiably insane or Sawed.

Man #1: Just to let you know, there are no vandals or bandits or anything in those countries. I've been there and those two countries combined couldn't stop 2 drunk rednecks from New Bruxen form destroying half the land. The Fuhur's up to something.

Trotz: But what?

Bill F-1093

Proposed by: Prime Minister Richard Gagnon, Mouvement Laïque
Seconded by: Gérard Laliberté, député de Vaudreuil-Centre, Parti National

Noting that the government of Jeruselem have created an international incident by using a "deux-poids-deux-mesures" law to arrest a civilan;

Noting that the Jeruselemite royal family does the same thing that the civilan did and didn't get arrested;

Noting that this created an international incident, leading nations to possibly boycott any match in the Coupe du Monde de Football they could play against them;

Noting that we don't want to get involved in any international incident, in our quality of host of this Coupe du Monde de Football, but that we have discovered the precedent things by international communiqués released by the different parties;

Noting that we are also a Democratic Republic respecting the concept of rule of law and justice, and not the rule of a single party or person;

We propose that the Jeruselemite team will not be allowed in any stadia of the republic until they resolve their problems with the other involved nations involved in the World Cup. We hope that this bill will bring a quick resolution to this incident.

Addendum by committee: We would also like to note that this bill doesn't prevent the Jeruselem national football team from taking part in any match on Septentrionian soil, but that it only prevents matches from being played in stadia. We also propose that, as the match can't be cancelled, it should be held on Béatrice Mercure's field, located in the north of the nation, five kilometres before Cap-Nord, next to the highway. Cameras and people will be accomodated on place

Amendment adopted at unanimity by the committee.

Bill adopted at unanimity in the National Assembly

Presidential sanction apposed

A highly dressed Tobias Raynor sits in front of a camera with a sleek metallic desk in front of him, and a look of calmness about him as he begins his speech that is being broadcasted simultaniously to every nation that has the EPB contract.

"Friends, enemies, relatives, and countrymen, I come to you today against the advice of numerous council to bring the light to your eyes. For the past six weeks, that council has kept me quiet about what has been happening in and around our nation, as well as the nature of the barrier that now sourrounds us. To them, if the truth were to be told as it should have been in the first place, then only chaos will result. They think less and less of you because of a station that they may hold out of pure chance, while not trully understanding the pysche of a nation such as ours. They do not know of how valiant and honorable you Vanorians have proven yourselves to be over the last few years, and how rational and sharp your minds trully are. Not I, for I have fought side by side with you for the survival of our race, our country. I know the worth of each and every Vanorian, and it far exceeds what this council believes it to be.

Ashamed as I am to admit it, but even the new High Priestess was among those that were counciling against me, underestimating your resolve. How troubling it is that the focal point of our faith here on the mortal plane thinks that Elune's loyal followers could not handle the truth. She tried with all her clever tactics and broken rationals to have me use the World Cup and the Marauders performance as a distraction as she would weave he web of lies and false information. Not any longer I say, for her predecessors would have willed me to doing what I have set out to do tonight.

There are many religions in this world and others, each with their own set of values, beliefs, customs, and culture. It is quite evident when just merely looking at the participating nations of various sporting events. Which one holds more truth, which one the dieties is more real and deserving than the other? My faith would demand of me to say that Elune and Elunism is that which holds the most truth, but I am not that niave nor stupid. Each and every faith holds its' own merit, and as a moral people we can not allow ourselves to believe that our own faith may be superior.

How does this relate to the truth that I have said I will enlighten you on? It is quite simple, and yet extravagently brilliant in its' design. As you all know, just over six years ago, the Tides of Darkness began and ravaged this country to the brink of extinction. It was through a collective and heroic effort that our people managed to survive, along with a minute dealign of divine intervention. Since that time, the merciful goddess has sworn that she would never let such a travesty ever befall our people again. Many would doubt that even a goddess would have such power, but I point to the massive hurricane that was poised to demolish Capri and suddenly vanishing as proof.

It is then with that master plan in mind that I come this the barrier, and the events of six weeks ago. Each and everyone of us had ourselves made unconcious as it materilized above us, even I and my dear wife. No one has been able to explain why this is so, and what the barrier is. It is now that I shall shed light on the subject, and reveal the light that has been so desperately hidden from your eyes. In her infinite power and wisdom, Elune has been working on creating another dimension in which her power is absolute. As she began to work her powers to move our country into this dimension, she ran into the problem of possibly destroying this world in the progress. As a result, her plans were altered, and she fused the dimension with this one, which is how this barrier came to be. Inside the barrier, we are in an alternate dimension, where Elune has full control of every event that passes. It is through this power and creation that her promise to never let another travesty befall the Vanorian people has been fufilled.

While this might seem overly complex or dangerous, allowing a diety to have an omnipresent ability to determine the events of our country, I have been assured by the priesthood that Elune is not set to meddle in our affairs, unless to keep us safe. Travel between the dimensions is the same as if there was no seperation between the two.

Now go out there and prove me right Valanora, and the world. Show me that my faith in you is not misguided, and that this great blessing has not been wasted on those who would not appreciate it.

The Albrecht Herald Online>Sport>Football>World Cup>Opinion
Just one point…
By Mack Hession

No. No-no-no-no. No, you’re not going to do this to us again, World Cup. You’re not going to trick us this time. Four points from two games? Great, thanks. No really, we’re delighted. But we’re not going to start getting confident. Not this time.

Déjà vu? I’ve certainly got the distinct feeling I’ve been here before (technically that’s déjà visité, but whatever), and I’m not talking about having been Cleopatra’s handmaiden or owt. World Cup Thirty-Eight, in Kura-Pelland, the Big Blues won their first game – an upset, against a once-mighty but now crumbling Turori side. They were then involved in a high-scoring draw again Squornshelous, a top-ten side that went on to make a final. With a game to spare, a C&M side still rocked by the still unconfirmed death of their manager, Mark Baker, had four points in the bad and were standing on the brink on something truly special for a first-time side.

Then they lost six-nil to Demot. But here’s the thing – they couldn’t take no for an answer. Two years later, caretaker boss Ricardo Garcia had been replaced by Lloyd Donnelly, but the situation was much the same. They held Az-cz in the Eesseff. They beat Demot. They had four points… and they lost to Starblaydia. In the end, the unique nature of that group saw C&M progress into the last sixteen on the random draw of a ball from a bag, exiting to Milchama while Starblaydia snuck on through and began their meteoric rise back to the summit of the global game.

Too many years later, and here we stand once more. Just a single point against Demot, and the Big Blues will be back in the last sixteen; facing a rematch with Starblaydia, perhaps, or a potentially rather winnable encounter with the Vircais nation that shall not speak its name. That, or Kris Healy and his men could be back home in the Candelarias before Land de Wood versus KaMaRi has kicked off in Caires.

We’re not the only ones in this position, of course. Our very own (well, kinda) Lee Waywide opened the scoring for Sorthern Northland as they drew with the Han and moved to within a point of qualifying and, while their progress will be the most closely followed in the Candelarias, most others are similarly poised – only four teams have two wins from two.

That’s not to downplay the Big Blues’ performances in Septentriopolis, which have been sensational by any standards, for a country still ranked outside the world’s top thirty. There was a beautiful chaos about the first half against Bettia – an inevitability, perhaps, given the make-up of Healy’s chosen team and the familiar 2-5-3 of the Aroras. In technique, the charges of the Busilanti boys were superior, as one might expect; but the simple, worrying truth was that, as in Albrecht several months ago, there was very little in it. It will be another tournament, or maybe even, two before we really begin to see the produce of the international era really come through the ranks of CMSC clubs – the players who received their sporting tutelage entirely at a time when their ultimate aim was to force their way into a club eleven comprising numerous foreigners and to eventually impress sufficiently to play for the C&M national team – but after thirteen years, the finest that Candelaria, Marquez, the Outlying Islands and Central City have to offer are very nearly the match for one of the globe’s finest sporting nations.

Tactically? Bettia were utterly out-thought once again by Kris Healy. Yes, the eleven players on show were identical to those put out against the Capitalizt SLANI. But against Bettia the Candelariasians utilised Tom Smith to unusual effect, Matteo Corradini and Connor Mengucci repeatedly playing balls over the top to the stocky little Arrigo Portuguese forward almost from the kick-off. It seemed an odd choice, to by-pass the three enormously talented men behind him in this manner, and the Bettians seemed no less bemused that we in the press boxes – but their choice of fielding just two out-and-out defenders soon came to haunt them. Smith’s zigzagging runs proved a nightmare to cope with, however ineffectual they were always bound to be from such a deep position, but they unnerved the backline enough for the Northern Bettian-based Billy Barkley to attempt to stamp his authority on the Candelariasian irritant early in the match, in a manner to make his club team-mates proud. Healy had noted the presence of Kosenic referee Osman Cakir however, a letter-of-the-law type who doled out a yellow that had Barkley left as half a player for the rest of the match, and presented C&M a free-kick in a fine area.

It was just what the Big Blues – and Dionísio Madeira Lobos – had been waiting for. A training ground set-piece was performed to perfection, and Hassan bin Jaffar barely moved as the Cafundelense-born Candelariasian dynamo curled his shot into the top corner.

For all that, the Bettian ‘keeper proved something of a star, twice saving soon after from Dionísio and Merlin Siriwong’s snap shots from desperate clearances. Joel Sbaïz at the opposite end was called upon to deal only with weak efforts, with Llifon Rhys expertly kept off the ball by Enrique Silva de Aviz, a defender still apparently mulling over a Cafundelense approach so ubiquitous at this time of year.

It was on the counter that C&M – and Dionísio – got their second, but well-deserved for all that, before barely sixty seconds later Siriwong earned a jammy corner and delivered it himself, perfectly into the path of Steven Williams. Thirty-two minutes gone, and the Big Blues were cruising. This wasn’t supposed to happen, not against Bettia. But just look at our history. This was written.

With defending against the Aroras a fine art in itself, C&M had a no less impressive second half, despite Rhys finally getting a chance late on for his second of the tournament. It was little consolation for the former world champions, and though any Bettian Candelariasians who have renounced their ancestors’ positions on the consumption of alcohol would have had an inexpensive night in the bars of Albrecht or Khatib-Gassett, Gabalfa must have been a sombre place last night. Make no mistake; this was an end-of-an-era type defeat.

But does that really excuse the confidence that the country seems to be feeling about matchday three? Battered by the Capitalizts though they were, the side marshalled by the Cafundelense Renário still have more than enough to upset this premature party. Given that all indications suggest that they will be fielding something rather narrower than their traditional 4-3-3, Healy would seem well-placed to leave out Siriwong from the start in favour of Jamie González – no natural winger himself, but still a player more comfortable out wide that the MarquezOW man. Ciaran Kelly’s yellows against the Capitalizts and Bettia could also prove a massive boon – now, in González and God’s Power Adekunde, C&M will have a powerful, pacey left with which to unnerve the veteran Cruril Songsteel and even Petardos star Nikali Delaruse.

But a cause for celebration, for expectation? For belief that we really will break our four-point hoodoo? No. Calm down. That’s not the Candelariasian way. Let’s still to what we know best and expect the Average – only then would we be truly able to appreciate true greatness.


***

“Why do they even bother, do you suppose?”

Lyndon Hernández, to his eternal credit, didn’t jump; and instead allowed himself the smug pleasure of appearing to ignore the voice behind his right shoulder completely. Besides, uttering disjointed phrases to people when their back is turned appeared to have become a characteristic of the Candelariasian people in recent times, alongside great racking sighs and eye-rolling.

“All this enthusiasm and self-belief back home,” the voice continued in a slightly perturbed manner. “It’s not like they’re ever going to win the thing, are they?”

Hernández sipped at his coffee and kept his eyes on the Herald, while a scene of serene Frenchness washed around his table outside a quiet little bistro nestled in the inferior vena cava of the heart of Septentriopolis. “I don’t really think that’s the point,” he offered, eventually. “It’s the hope that counts, isn’t it? We might win the cup, and that’s all that matters. Besides, at the current pace of development…”

“You mean while they continue to naturalise one foreigner for every two tournaments? Come on, the Candelarias is never going to be able to support a World Cup-winning national team, no matter how many rupees are ploughed into it.”

“I wouldn’t have thought such negativity becomes the Modern Liberal Party, would you? Give it… ten more cups, maybe, perhaps a semi-final place wouldn’t be out of the question.”

“Only because the Unified Capitalizt States would probably’ve absorbed most of the rest of Atlantian Oceania by then.”

Hernández sighed deeply and rolled his eyes. “So… Small world, isn’t it, Melbourne?”

“Yeah. Not as small as I thought it was up until May, mind you. Figuratively speaking though… yeah. What’s brought you to gay Septentrionie, then? Just a holiday? Sampling the local culture?”

“That’ll be it, aye.”

“I did think I’d spotted a baguette poking out of yer carrier bag, there.”

“Nah, I’m just pleased to see you, Melbourne.” Hernández turned around for the first time and fixed the Minister for Remedial Teaching with a winning smile. “Meanwhile you, I take it, are here making sure the travelling supporters don’t mingle too much with the locals, never mind the –”

“Monksfromanalternatedimension, yeah. Or getting wind of the Pruxan squad.”

“You wouldn’t want to get downwind of them, certainly.”

“And, y’know… just keeping my eyes peeled for anything too weird for the folks back home.”

“Mm. Aye, you’d be good at that. You’re really keeping a tin lid on the singing beans situation, aren’t you?”

“Why thank you, Lyndon,” Melbourne replied, the pair’s feet now under several inches of liquid sarcasm. “As it happens, I think we’re doing a jolly good job under trying circumstances.”

“You put one in the Big Blues squad!”

“He’s barely getting a game!”

“Neither’s Jason Federici, what’s your point? Or perhaps you should be back at home, managing the Squornshelan svarts? Or your giant toad?”

“…who are perfectly fine, we’ve got the situation well under control! Notice we’re not hearing any reports about the seal-people on TTO2’s The Weird Exposed! anymore.”

“Exactly! The Weird Exposed! is the best mouthpiece the M.O.R.T. has got, and you’ve got it relegated to a graveyard spot after In Search of the World’s Nicest Nazis!”

“Never the less, Lyndon, can you honestly said you’ve read one report, even in some local paper out west, regarding troll sightings? Or dwarf-based violence?”

“I know for a fact the serván aren’t at all happy by the new restrictions you’ve placed on them.”

“Or,” Melbourne continued, warming to his theme, “people being rescued from drowning by water spirits, eh? Or little kids being carried off by the Mother’s Blessings? ‘I’m Black, He’s White: Is Our Child is a Crimbil? DNA Results Special’ on Kyle Jeremies?”

“Someone photographed a nis the other day,” Hernández countered, before sighing again. “This is where M. Night Shyamalan went wrong,” he muttered, and took another sip from his cup. “Besides, it’s not as though all this stuff isn’t still happening, is it? You’re just keeping it out of the public consciousness.”

“Yes? And? That’s our job, isn’t it? Inter-species relations aren’t part of Remedial Teaching’s manifesto, is it?”

Hernández merely stared at his successor. It wasn’t, that was quite true. But, well… Every Minister for Rational Thought before him had taken it upon themselves to at least try and deal with the Odds as pleasantly as possible. But then Melbourne was nothing if not Different, was he? “What’s with the name, anyway? It was Rational Thought for decades…”

“The world’s changing,” Melbourne told him briskly, “so is C&M. We need to be out there, not some shadowy government organisation. A proper, full-on department of state that everyone knows. Even if they don’t know what we’re really for. And, by the way, did you never stop to wonder whether having ‘M.O.R.T.’ on the side of our vehicles or on headed notepaper was really such a good plan?”

Hernández ignored him. “Who’s running back home, anyway? What with the Harmony just round the corner.”

“Oh, Daniel Martino,” Melbourne replied airily, and barely hid a smile at the former minister’s expression. “He’s still about, after all. What, disappointed your pet elf hasn’t thought to get in touch lately?” His own expression suddenly changed to one of I-feel-your-pain sympathy. “I get it, you know?”

“Get it…?”

“How hard it is to let go. Being the minister at the M.O.R.T.… It’s a life, isn’t it? It takes up your entire existence. You live it, you sleep it, and then when it all just disappears… I mean, old Billy Athanasiadis – he’d done himself in within a fortnight of President Clark turfing him out. And Sal Morgan, I mean she was away with the faeries, wasn’t she, literally, as soon as you got the job? Lyndon… You just need to let go. Move on with your life. Enjoy the football, eh? Leave the Odds to the next generation.”

He smiled sweetly and trotted off down the street, leaving Hernández gaping. Several moments later, their mobiles rang.

***

“Right… Ye… Oka… Tracker… Tracker, slow down, you… Mm… Mm? Right, well I suspected as much… You only had to look at the players in the first half against Bettia, they were running around like mad things… An… Eh? In their dressing room? A foot tall, right… Purple? Oka… Purple, thin, one foot tall, long nose, giant flat feet… And it wasn’t a flamingo or anyth… Cod Welsh accent? Right. Muttering ‘I shouldn’t be doing this, I shouldn’t’ and then… into thin air, right. Gosh. No, no, that definitely isn’t Normal, as you say… Um. Give me five minutes, right?”

***

“Mr Langer? Jack, hi! Thanks for getting back to me. No, no worries. The supporters are still on the day-trip to Lake Wotzit, then? Good, good… Yeah, no, there was one other thing. Yeah, were you aware that Hernández had taken it upon himself to drop into Septentriopolis? Yeah… He could certainly prove an irr… Quite, quite. I’m not sure I have the patience to deal with him anymore. Do me a favour and have him… removed from the field of play, would you? Excellent.”

"Shoot!"

"Yeh man we don't control our own destiny"

"It sucks dude, we need to beat Yafolonia and Bazor 2 by at least 2 goals then hope that Dancougar lose."

"Wait isn't it unfair that we're playing Yafalonia AND Bazor 2?"

"Don't ask stupid questions"

"Fine, be that way"

"I will"

"I realized"

"Good"

"Anyway we have to root for the hated Bazalonia?"

"Yes"

"Fuck"

"Yes"

"Well then it's all about advancing at this point because if we don't advance then we are probably not top 10 anymore"

"Oh, very very true."

"I realize, I made the comment"

"Well then what do we need to do?"

"We're against the worst team in the group, and we don't anything about them so victory is almost guaranteed, the real question is this: Can we advance? The answer should be yes but one never knows"

"Yep, very important"

"Huh, that didn't have anything to do with the previous comment"

"That's ok, I'm tired"

"Well then you should go to sleep"

"Fine I will"

"Good"

"Just one more thing"

"What?"

"Come on you Warriors!"

"Yes that too, now go to sleep"

"Ok"

---Ile de Nouveau Bostopie, somewhere---

Dear Diary

THE HANS ARE MEAN! MEAN MEAN MEAN! They put three tanks on the island and none of them work! And I'm upset! How upset? I've just torn my white t-shirt off and started flailing it about in the air.

And now, to make things worse, there's one, no, two helicopters flying at me! One has a net, a rather vicious looking palm-leaf and the other has a.. white flag?

Oh no! They're going to knock themselves out and surrender to me! I can't take prisoners at a time like this! Not while the Han are hunting me down with their nuclear cricket weapons!

Maybe they ARE Han?

JIMMY DO ONE, BRUV!

*In the rescuing airplane*

Pilot of Helicopter #1: I see someone on that island, but he doesn't look like it's our president...

Pilot of Helicopter #2: You sure? He looks like it's the president to me... see? He's waving his white flag!

Pilot of Helicopter #1: Alright... now that I see it, you're right... but why is he amongst three tanks?

Pilot of Helicopter #2: I don't know... he looks like Lemay but not at the same time... and the computers tell me that Lemay is more like 109.3 knots away from that place...

Pilot of Helicopter #1: Why is he running away suddenly?

Pilot of Helicopter #2: He is? Ah yeah, I see now!

Pilot of Helicopter #1: Do you think he's seen some ghosts? Wait, that's not Emperor Boston...

Pilot of Helicopter #2: Shut up, Bos Tonne.

Pilot of Helicopter #1: And he's fallen on his back...

Pilot of Helicopter #2: He seems to have gotten knocked out. What the fuck?

Pilot of Helicopter #1: Ok, I'm going to land on the island, get the president and get back in the air as soon as possible. You, keep the white flag in case somebody wants to attack us. That's the secret of the white flag, alright?

Pilot of Helicopter #2: Good! Come back as soon as possible!

***10 minutes later***

Pilot of Helicopter #1: IT'S NOT THE PRESIDENT! It's Emperor Boston!

Pilot of Helicopter #2: OH NO! Bring him back anyway... I'm seeing some Hans coming towards you and they're not happy.

Pilot of Helicopter #1: What do you mean?

Pilot of Helicopter #2: COME BACK, IDIOT!

*The pilot just had time to take off when the Hans came to supposedly capture Emperor Boston*

Pilot of Helicopter #2: Wasn't he supposed to be in Cafundeu managing the Sorthern Northland national team for the World Cup?

Pilot of Helicopter #1: You're right... Well then... we're going home and bringing him back to there, alright?

Pilot of Helicopter #2: Give him a sedative strong enough that he'll only wake up in Sorthern Northland. After all, that Palm Tree Leaf was strong enough...

***Later, in a jet heading to Cafundéu***

Pilot of Helicopter #1 now pilot of the jet: Thankfully, we have cordial relations with the Cafundelense. Hopefully, they'll let us land for no fee...

Pilot of Helicopter #2 now taking care of Emperor Boston who is speaking of tanks and ghosts: Stop being hopeful and let the government pay!

*BREAK FOR AD*

If elected, the Parti Nationaliste will give your family SCF 200 a month! That's a good way for you to pay for your kid's gifts for christmas or for food or for someone who will beat the crap out of them if they don't listen! Vote Nationaliste!

*UNBREAK*

*BREAK FOR ANOTHER AD*

If elected, the Mouvement Laïque will threaten your children with Emperor Boston! Let's note that they also eat babies, just like most communists and anti-religious guys. The religious men we support actually don't kill babies but their innocence! Vote for those who support those who don't kill babies, the Nationalistes!

*UNBREAK*

Pilot of the jet: These ads might be enough for us to pay for the landing and the other fees.

Guy taking care of the Emperor: Alright... oh look, here's Cafundéu!

Pilot of the jet: And look! Right beside it! There's a picture of someone stabbing another person! That's surely Valanora. And now... shut up, I'm landing...

***After a while, the airplane has landed***

Cafundelense official: Please pay forrrrrrrr yourrrrrrr landing!

Pilot of the jet: Oh no... not Breno Gavião... Alright then, here are 1093 Crystal Francs.

Cafundelense official: I love money. Who arrrrrrrrre you brrrrringing with you?

Pilot of the jet: A certain emperor of Bostopia. He's supposed to be managing the Sorthern Northland national team in the Copa do Mundo. Can you bring him to that team in time

Cafundelense official: Cerrrrrtainly. You arrrrrrrre Septentrrrrrrionians, rrrrright?

Pilot of the jet: We are

Cafundelense official: Good luck in yourrrrr last match, fellow hosts!

Pilot of the jet: Great! Good luck Emperor!

On Jeruselem TV ... a man, his wife and their rather dumb looking daughter.

Wife: OK Bob, tell the people out there!
Bob: Hi everyone, I'm Bob ... the guy who people think got tortured ...
Wife: He's an idiot, I don't why I married him. Look at my daughter, she's a dope because his alcoholism.
Bob: I have to say something to everyone.
Wife: Come on Bob, admit your problem.

Bob:
I'm an alcoholic. I went to the party with an oath not to drink but I did made a goose of myself. I think all this international stuff is all over nothing. I hit a female waitress and exposed myself in public. People, please don't feel sorry for me because I deserve my treatment. From now on, I'm going to keep of the drink and stay away from alchohol -forever. In fact, I'm going to stay sober for the rest of my life.

Wife:
I'm glad they sterilised him, I want kids and all I got is this dopey daughter with brain damage. I love my kid but I don't think it's good we have any more kids together. Look I love my man but, everytime he gets on the drink ... I look like the dumbest wife in the world. At one party, he hit on my friend's wife.

Bob:
People - alcoholism is not good. A little drink here and there is good but for sake of God, give it up. When I get on the drink, I turn into some blithering idiot who embarrasses my family. You know, now that I've causes problems for my nation - I've decided to be a better person for my family.

Wife: Princess Marie did me a favour. He's learnt his lesson.
Bob: Yes, I just realised I can't go on being in idiot all my life.
Wife: He's just lost his job again because the Boss doesn't want be associated with him.
Bob: I'm going to the Elven temple, to learn to battle my daemons. I figured if it worked for Kate ... it'll for me.

Wife: I think the temple will fix him.
Bob: Thank you for your time people, don't worry about me.
Wife: If he doesn't fix himself, I'll fix him!
Bob: I'm scared of my wife, she's always right.

Wife: These politicians, bang on about human rights ... it's rubbish some people don't deserve human rights like my husband here.
Bob: Once again, I just want to say ... ignore what happened to me. I've caused enough grief to my family in the past, look now what I've done.
Wife: Yes, we've lost all of little friends we have now. Most of our family pretend we don't exist.
Bob: Yes, I'm a lost cause ...

Wife: If I was Marie, I'd would have use a knife!

Stephen lay in his hospital bed staring at the television. A 2-1 loss to Milchama, with Dan Potts scoring the team's lone goal in the 83rd minute to set up a frantic dash for the equalizer, put the Wings in a very dangerous position. A win over Bostopia was now required, and even that might not be enough. Milchama would roll over Yafalonia and Bazor 2. At least three goals against the dude without arms. But that would set up a three-way six-point tie! It would then come down to goal differential. Ick.

A knock on the door. Stephen turned his head. At first, he thought it was C... a slender figure with long hair entered the room. He blinked and looked again. No, it was a man. He stood tall, decked out in military regalia, and had long white hair past his shoulders. He turned away in disgust. No rest for the weary?

"Stephen, am I right?" he said extending his hand. Stephen made no move to take it. The man dropped his hand. "Forgive me for intruding, but I'm Colonel Leopold Brandenstein. I had some things to ask you."

"Harassing the injured, are we?" asked Stephen bluntly. "You guys just like to do whatever you want, don't you?"

"You seem to have a bad opinion of us," said the colonel with a smile. He grabbed the television remote and changed the channel to Dancougar News!!, which was reporting on the king's reaction to Jeruselem's application of indecency laws in spite of its royal family.

"... recognizes what is and must be the right and duty of every nation to exercise complete authority within in own borders, without interference from outsiders who have different value systems and therefore different policies, which are and must be, by definition, incompatible with that of the other nation. The Kingdom of Dancougar affirms its stance that no government should be subject to outside interference in the application of its own laws and utterly rejects the attempt of any nation or organization seeking to impose its will upon..."

"Charming speech, isn't it?" asked Brandenstein. "The King says some nice things. But he doesn't understand what it means now that Dancougar is interacting more with the rest of the world community. Recognition by foreign powers is a defining characteristic of any modern government, and is necessary for any interaction to take place. You think he must understand this, for he has gifted us with a generous military strength. Yet it only serves as a deterrent, and men like me are left to ponder what the King is really thinking."

"If you want to debate politics, there's no need to include me," said Stephen. "After all, I'm just a football coach, right?"

"But are you?" asked Brandenstein, turning off the television. "The government has now accepted the testimony of those three... that you had some kind of power to control people. I want to confirm. Do you have that power?"

Stephen sat up and clenched his fist. He had a lot of strength for someone who'd just been in a violent car wreck. "If I still did, do you think I would still be locked up in here?"

"Fair enough!" said Brandenstein, taking a seat. "But you did. And hearing it from you, I have confidence in my own observations. I read through the case file, and you're not just some football coach. If you wanted to just win football games, you could've easily done so. Then why go through all the trouble of building your own talent pipeline? Gaining the adoration of the public? Creating the persona 'Zero?'"

Stephen glared at him. What was this guy after? Was he trying to implicate him in a larger crime? He wasn't wrong with his deductions, but there was something about this guy that felt wrong. Brandenstein smiled and leaned back against his chair. "You seem to have trouble hearing it from someone else. To me, it appears like you wanted to change the way the game is played in Dancougar from the ground up. You wanted to preach your style and have it accepted. You merely used your power to assist the development of those players, and many of them have been able to succeed on their own using your style. That's fantastic."

"Are you mocking me?" asked Stephen.

"Not at all; I'm impressed by your ability to bring out people's talents," he said. "And your tactical decisions are not bad. Now, I think that it even goes beyond football. I want you to be honest, Stephen... I showed you that speech just now for a reason. I'm disgusted by what Dancougar is now. Don't get me wrong, I love this country, same as you, same as anyone else. But there are things I want to change. We should trust in our strength and assert it. Why should we allow larger nations to enjoy a feeling of superiority over us?"

"Are you admitting a leaning towards treason?" asked Stephen with a grin. "That's a dangerous thing to say to a man who's in terrible need of a plea bargain."

Brandenstein laughed and leaned forward, crossing his hands in front of his face and resting on his elbows. "Good response," he responded. "But I believe you think the same way I do. You recognized that football was the King's first avenue to outside nations, and if you could reshape the nation's footballing policy, you could use that as a springboard to define national character and policy, too."

Stephen lay back and closed his eyes. "You caught me, then," he said. "I have nothing to say but that your deductions are on the mark."

Brandenstein pushed farther. "In that case, why not lend me the strength of Zero?"

Stephen sat up with a start. A bead of sweat ran down his forehead. Brandenstein looked calm and collected where he sat. He's actually serious! He wants to overthrow the king... Stephen's face began to twist into a wicked grin. "To use Zero, the symbol of miracles, to lend an air of credence to your rebellion in the minds of the people?"

"You catch on quickly," replied Brandenstein. "I'll let you think about it. Rather than let your talents go to waste, you would serve well as the public face of the rebellion. I can arrange to have you transferred to my base for containment once you're fully healed. And we'll go from there."

To be continued, in World Cup 43...

On Jeruselem TV ... a man, his wife and their rather dumb looking daughter.

Wife: OK Bob, tell the people out there!
Bob: Hi everyone, I'm Bob ... the guy who people think got tortured ...
Wife: He's an idiot, I don't why I married him. Look at my daughter, she's a dope because his alcoholism.
Bob: I have to say something to everyone.
Wife: Come on Bob, admit your problem.

Bob:
I'm an alcoholic. I went to the party with an oath not to drink but I did made a goose of myself. I think all this international stuff is all over nothing. I hit a female waitress and exposed myself in public. People, please don't feel sorry for me because I deserve my treatment. From now on, I'm going to keep of the drink and stay away from alchohol -forever. In fact, I'm going to stay sober for the rest of my life.

Wife:
I'm glad they sterilised him, I want kids and all I got is this dopey daughter with brain damage. I love my kid but I don't think it's good we have any more kids together. Look I love my man but, everytime he gets on the drink ... I look like the dumbest wife in the world. At one party, he hit on my friend's wife.

Bob:
People - alcoholism is not good. A little drink here and there is good but for sake of God, give it up. When I get on the drink, I turn into some blithering idiot who embarrasses my family. You know, now that I've causes problems for my nation - I've decided to be a better person for my family.

Wife: Princess Marie did me a favour. He's learnt his lesson.
Bob: Yes, I just realised I can't go on being in idiot all my life.
Wife: He's just lost his job again because the Boss doesn't want be associated with him.
Bob: I'm going to the Elven temple, to learn to battle my daemons. I figured if it worked for Kate ... it'll for me.

Wife: I think the temple will fix him.
Bob: Thank you for your time people, don't worry about me.
Wife: If he doesn't fix himself, I'll fix him!
Bob: I'm scared of my wife, she's always right.

Wife: These politicians, bang on about human rights ... it's rubbish some people don't deserve human rights like my husband here.
Bob: Once again, I just want to say ... ignore what happened to me. I've caused enough grief to my family in the past, look now what I've done.
Wife: Yes, we've lost all of little friends we have now. Most of our family pretend we don't exist.
Bob: Yes, I'm a lost cause ...

Wife: If I was Marie, I'd would have use a knife!

===HWARANGWEOL INTELLIGENCE SURVEY===

MI analysts have concluded that the preceding public statements were coerced statements by a desperate man. They hinted at his induced state of dementia, either in the aftermath of the punishment or by drugs of some sort. Furthermore, the man shown in the declaration is not wearing a wedding band - indicative that either he is unfaithful or not married. The fact that the wife is not wearing a wedding band further confirms that neither are married. The daughter in the declaration doesn't share the hair color of either of her "parents". Furthermore, the intense sweating upon the man's forehead shows that he was under some duress at the time.

MI analysts have dismissed this tape as a coerced statement, likely caused by the issue of martial law and order. The government is using the opportunity of this man's fears of retribution by the state upon him for having caused the issue of many countries condemnation of the Jeruselemite governments course of actions in recent times. It is our ascertained conviction that this declaration is not to be taken seriously. And as Imperial authorities have already noted that any official communication with the Jeruselemite government has completely redressed its grievances, there is no necessity for a response. Imperial authorities are advised to disregard this public boardcast as it does not reflect the reality in Jeruselem, but rather what military and government officials in Jeruselem want the international community to believe. It is also advised that the Imperial authorities should further advise other aligned states to the same conclusions as we have affirmed here.

As Jeruselem has been broadly defined as a pariah state by a good portion of the international community, it is certain that their actions today have been an attempt to forgo any redress of their errors and to continue to sanction their actions of oppression. Unfortunately, it is the same oppression that suppresses any hope for domestic challenges to this hegemonic application of totalitarian force. Imperial authorities are thus advised not to cooperate with Jeruselem until it satisfies the precondition of liberalizing its civil code - to allow non-elite persons the same liberties endowed by its elitist persons. Football is the only apparent access that Jeruselemite citizens have access to the outside world - it is therefore paramount that the international community use football as the mechanism by which the liberalization of civil codes in Jeruselem is discerned. It is further paramount that complete isolation may cause the state in Jeruselem to harden further against its citizens and oppress their lesser citizens even more.

However, in a large sense, it is largely suggested that the Imperial government avoid directly involving the Imperial system in guarding human rights. It is necessity that its citizens take this responsibility, as the Imperial government cannot directly govern the domestic affairs of foreign countries. However, it is adviseable that the Imperial authorities heed the calls of its citizens to the extent that political disengagement is a policy to follow, as long as the Jeruselemite government condones the discriminate persecution of a select portion of its internal community.

We have no further counsel to offer; Imperial authorities are advised not to do anything more than what has been suggested here.

Demot Daily ~ Chance And Luck

When all sense of things are lost and what happens should not have, blame it all on chance and luck my friends. It's is a sad but none the less true sentiment when looking at the potential exit of the Dynamo from the Group Stage for the second straight time, and third in the last four tournaments. Oh for the terrible twist of luck that fated day in mid July during World Cup 39 in Valanora, when the tide of the Demotians was turned, even though they accomplished the near impossible in desposing of the then defending champions and number ranked team in the world, Az-cz. A streak of misfortune followed as the star forward dissapeared, never to be seen or heard from again, and the Dynamo losing out on progression to the next round on lots, which forced them into finishing dead last in the group. The Canderlia and Marquez side was apart of that black day in the history of Demot football, as they and the then upstart Starblaydi were allowed to progress forward, through chance and luck.

Some countries believe that one can make such things favorable by sacrifices to some false god of randomized numbers. I say luck is made through the hard work of individuals, and chance is created through attitude of a collective whole. Soo what if the slani SLANI federation is cheating by not providing a roster for which the program can scout from. Soo what if two legitimate goals was disallowed for phantom fouls. It means nothing if you have not the spirit to continue on and fight for a result regardless of whatever forces might be plotting against you.

Yes a mere three to one victory is a vast improvement over the six to one schalacking that the SLANI side gave to us in the round of sixteen during World Cup Forty. Yet if we are trully in a state of ascendency like Rich Baker believes us to be, a draw or better would have been achieved. For as much praise as had been thrown their way, the attacking trio for the Dynamo lacked conviction in front of the net during the pivotal match, allowing our destiny to be somewhat thrown out of our own hands. While an idealist would like to believe that there is still someway for the Big Blues and Dynamo to both progress, the odds and reality of it is that one of these two sides are on the next plane ride home.

With all things being fair, though they rarely are, it should be the Big Blues who should get this coveted spot in the next round, and all the spoils they bring. Demot simply does not deserve the rewards that come with a venture beyond the group stage, not after that dismal performance. For far back as anyone may remember, football has always been the passion and the devotion of this country. No one seems to remember that we would have never even taken up the game had the Vanorians not brought us it, taught us the game, and then built the academies here so that our players could develop. We would have never seen the likes of Ysman or Masteron had it not been for them, and that alone would be reason enough to send us back to the southern hemisphere of Atalantian Oceania.

Do I still hope that the Dynamo can snatch a very unlikely victory and make a run deep into the knockouts? Of course I do, but it is not wholely deserved when comparing the side that we would most likely eliminate if that were to come to pass. Perhaps I am wrong in my assessment of the team and in our deservedness to have success in this tournament, but only tommorow nights' match will have the truth be written. If that is truth that this Dynamo squad is made up of something far more electric than they have let on, then good on them and they should be rewarded with the splendor they will no doubtedly get. Yet if I am unfortunately right about the state of the side, then I fear that what might be our golden generation would have fizzled out without soo much as a small burst of flame to let the world know we were here.

Demot 1
Insaki Roma (26)

SLANI 3
Striker #1 (29, 67)
Midfielder #3 (90)

Article by Demtrius Rossitti

World Cup Qualification - Group 5
MD1: vs Gerainia (3-1) (@ Gwangdong Imperial Sports Complex and Stadium, Gwangju)
MD2: @ Ad'ihan (1-2) (@ Protectorate Stadium, Ad'ihan)
MD3: vs Universitus University (3-1) (@ King Kim Iljei Memorial Football Stadium, Malnira)
MD4: @ kenavt (4-1) (@ Granderson Stadium)
MD5: vs Lingdinis Insania (3-0) (@ Sanhaemun Football Stadium, Jinhwangdo)
M6: @ Kura-Pelland (0-3)
MD7: -bye-
MQ: vs Taeshan (1-0) (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD8: @ Gerainia (2-0)
MD9: vs Ad'ihan (1-1) (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD10: @ Universitus University (1-0)
MD11: vs kenavt (3-0) (@ Goguryeo Football Stadium, Hanseong)
MD12: @ Lingdinis Insania (5-1)
MD13: vs Kura-Pelland (1-0) (@ Cha Beomgeun Memorial Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD14: -bye-
World Cup 42 - Group B
MD1: vs Wentland (8) @ Gigantão, Santo Galvão (2-0)
MD2: vs Sorthern Northland (32) @ Estádio Nacional dos Cocos, Porto Lacruz (1-1)
MD3: vs Bazalonia (5) @ Maracatuzão, Dunboor


=== The Airplane to the Island ===

"... and the Frenchies decided to take the Emperor from us just like that. Meanwhile, both President Sheridan and President Lemay are safe aboard the carrier. Commodore Yi was remarked that Lemay was more civilly behaved than his Sorthern counter-part who had to be restrained in a strait-jacket. Incidentally, President Sheridan only requested a pen and a piece of paper on which to write, after which he was noted to have started writing with the pen in his mouth. Heaven knows what he is writing now."

The Emperor sighed. "Probably something on the order of insanity. I'm curious as to how the Septentrioniens managed to send 2 helicopters onto that island without us being able to track it."

"Well, I'm not sure how either, but Commodore Yi issued the order for our fighters to stop the helicopters. I'll imagine that the helicopters will turn around..."

"And if they don't?"

Chief Warrant Officer Yun shrugged. "We'll shoot them down? I mean, they're Frenchies. They'll probably surrender the helicopters before the fighters get within firing distance."

"I don't know how this situation gets more and more complicated."

For the moment, the plane was making a rusty landing on the tarmac of the Seijong Daehwang - and it was a little too rough for the Emperor, who unintelligently dressed in traditional garb. Getting off in a hurry, he quickly brushed himself wondering if it would have been more intelligent to dress in Western business attire. "I mean, I might be suggesting something on the other of extreme traditionalism here."

"Non sense, your Majesty. You look stunning."

"Tell that to the Frenchies. Are you sure that this Lemay character is friendly? I've heard that Frenchies are cheese-eating monkeys."

"Well, they're human all the same."

"That's good. Because I've never met a cheese-eating monkey."

"Well, if it means anything, I've heard that these Frenchies don't like to eat cheese."

"That's reassuring. I just hope that when he surrenders, he'll stop those fly-overs on this island. It's getting annoying."

The Emperor finally arrived in the bridge section, where he meant with Commodore Yi, Colonel Pak, and Captain Sang - who would act as their translator. President Lemay was seated in lowly Han military garb, which threw the Emperor off a little. "I thought he was the President of the Frenchies?"

"He is," Commodore Yi said politely bowing. "Your Majesty, the President was without clothes when we recovered him. Hence, we gave him some clothes to hide himself. He's been pretty civil, so far."

The Emperor nodded and went to greet Lemay, who promptly stood up and extended his hand. Although Yeongmu was versed in Western traditions, his officers were apparently aware of this and quickly helped Lemay back to his chair. Colonel Pak excused the President: "He's been doing that to evereyone. We don't know why."

"He was just greeting me with a handshake."

Instantly, the bridge turned into an occasion of eureka and "oh" across the military officers. The Emperor then extended his hand to the President who took it and shook it. "It's a pleasure to meet you finally," the Emperor said, waiting for Captain Sang to translate. "Now, tell me the reason why you'd like to surrender."

As Captain Sang heard the response, he had trouble giving the Emperor an equitable response: "Surrender? Nah... I want to negociate my liberation from this %$#^ camp and the death of both Boston and Sheridan by firing squad."

"What?" Commodore Yi said in surprise.

"What exactly do you mean? I came all of this way to hear a negotiation?"

Captain Sang relayed the message and timidly said back, "I guess so. So please, can you agree to my demands? I can negotiate if needed. I can even send Cinna your way."

The Emperor wondered what this whole discussion was about. He talked to Commodore Yi, "I thought you cabled me that this was going to be a surrender!"

Commodore Yi looked at Colonel Pak, "You told me that the President wanted to surrender to the Emperor directly!"

Colonel Pak turned to the translator, Captain Sang, "I thought that that's what you said!"

Captain Sang, without anyone else to turn to, asked Lemay in French. Lemay gave a pompous response, to which Captain Sang gave a mortified glare. He slowly said, "He says that he never wanted to surrender. I guess I must have... misinterpreted something."

"What do you mean?" the Emperor, Commodore Yi, and Colonel Pak all said simultaneously. Yun smacked the Commodore and Colonel, to let them know that their input was not needed; the Emperor seemed a little annoyed that Yun had done that, but having done it, he was happy to avoid a shouting competition. Captain Sang timidly replied, "Well, he said some about negotiating not being the same thing as surrendering. I guess when I learned French, they told me that whenever a French person said 'negotiate', it was the equivalent of 'surrender'. So I guess he wanted to negotiate directly with you... Emperor..."

The Emperor heaved a deep sigh and cradled his heads in his hands. He was getting a headache, and he remembered that he didn't like ships. "So ask him then, for what reason do you want to negotiate with me?"

Captain Sang relayed the message and translated Lemay's reply, "I told you... I want to get back home and arrange the deaths of Boston and Sheridan."

"Why do you want to kill Boston and Sheridan?"

Sang again served as the translator and gave Lemay's response again: "Theyy locked me jail and did horrible stuff to me! I want them to pay!"

The Emperor sighed. "Well, I'm not going to kill either of them. First of all, your people just stole the Emperor Boston and took him back to your country. I guess they thought that he was you. Or something. Anyway, your people have been... annoying, to say the least in this whole matter. My Imperial task force has been tracing terrorists and your pilots were bothering them. Can you answer for their actions?"

Sang gave his answer and waited for Lemay to reply: "What? The guys who have done that will get punished hard. Emperor, if you liberate me, I will collaborate with you."

"Collaborate on what?" the Emperor replied to Sang, getting a little impetuous. Sang calmly asked the Emperor to calm down. "The President getting a little hot-headed. I'd appreciate if I didn't get the same attitude from you, your Majesty."

"Oh. Sorry," the Emperor said. "I'm forgetting about the translator mediation part... So. Ummm. Collaborate on what? We don't want to kill Boston or Sheridan, and quite frankly, I've got my fighters tracking your helicopters to retrieve Boston. So what would we collaborate upon?"

Sang gave the Emperor's answer and waited for Lemay to reply: "I'm first going to ask my military to bring Boston back as soon as possible. Then, I'm going to punish those soldiers for disrespecting the orders of the President. After all, I'm the leader of the military in Septentrionia."

The Emperor raised an eye brow, thinking that Lemay was a litle delirious. Lemay continued to talk and Sang interpreted it: "Oh, and also we'll need help from the Han military to beat a Bostopian army, as I have this feeling they're going to attempt to attack Septentrionia."

The Emperor stood up in disbelief. "You want me to attack them?"

Lemay gave his reply: "No. Defensive help only. We've got an army, as you told me, but it won't be strong enough to keep the Bostopian tanks away."

The Emperor glared at Captain Sang. "Are you sure you're translating what I'm telling him? He doesn't seem to quite get the point."

"I'm doing the best that I can."

"The best that you can might get us in another war with the Bostopians!!! At a time when we're at war with the Mujeongbu!!!"

Just then, Lemay said something else, which Sang translated as, "Or we could always give you Île 984 for my liberation."

The Emperor was convinced that Lemay could not be so easily freed. "We have to keep him here. Something bad is going to happen if we let him go."

Just as Sang was translating that, the Emperor stopped him, "Don't tell him that!!!"

"I thought you wanted..."

"Secret. Keep it secret."

"He's going to know in a little bit."

"Well, keep it a secret until he knows about it. And while we're at it, get Sheridan on another ship. I don't want either of these two on the same ship at the same time."

The Emperor was frantic at this point. Yun noticed the perspiration on his head and quickly asked Commodore Yi, "Where's your quarters?"

"Three flights down the stairs. The first room on the right."

"The Emperor must be excused for a moment." Yun quickly took the Emperor out, leaving the Emperor a little relieved. "Thank you, Yun."

"I think you need to relax for a moment, Emperor."

"I agree."

OLHO NO LANCE! YOUR SPORTS MAGAZINE!
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WORLD CUP 42 – CAFUNDÉU AND SEPTENTRIONIA
Full coverage – including comments from Breno Gavião, notes by Sílvio Ruiz and interviews by César Lang
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10 STEPS TO MAKE A COMPLETE MESS

http://img232.imageshack.us/img232/812/wc424gt8.jpg (http://imageshack.us)
Step No.4: maybe the most important one, as it is the goal that decided the game

Today we’ll do something different in the magazine. Instead of just writing exactly what happened during the game, without any deeper comments, we’ll show you why Cafundéu lost the game against The Holy Empire, after the magnificent victory by 4x1 against Ad’ihan. We’re sure that most of you already know, or at least have some opinions, about the reason of this Cafundelense loss. It’s not that our team had to win this game, that it was superior. No, nothing like this. But The Holy Empire didn’t play so good. They just took advantage of our mistakes, and they weren’t few. So, today, we’ll show you the mistakes made by the Monopolists, which decided this game.

STEP 1 – LAST-MINUTE LINE-UP CHANGES: after the game against Ad’ihan, the coach Eduardo Bosschaart seemed very confident about the next game, hoping to get a victory. Before leaving the stadium, he told the press that he was going to use the same line-up of the first game, the starter one, in order to achieve the second victory and probably the qualification. But, just an hour before the start of the game in Abadia, he changed his mind. He said that some players needed to recover their physical condition after the game against Ad’ihan and that others had to be rested to avoid receiving more cards. So, he made the decision that started the Cafundelense loss. Alex, Zé Sho, Aristóteles and Fabrício were sent to start the game from the bench, being substituted by Ronaldão, Jorginho, Careca and Danilo Sampa. The team wasn’t the same.

STEP 2 – STRATEGY NOT ADAPTED TO NEW TEAM: the situation for Cafundéu became even worse before the beginning of the game. The team would be already playing without four important players, but Bosschaart made another mistake: didn’t change the team’s strategy. When the game started, the Monopolists played the same way they played against Ad’ihan, but without the same players. In the defence, the team was missing Alex, and Jorginho wasn’t able to cover the defence the same way Zé Sho does. In the attack, an even worse situation. Although Careca seemed to be doing ok in the game, Aristóteles’s experience was valuable. And Danilo Sampa wasn’t able to play the role of target player, something that Fabrício was doing in the last game. The team seemed confused, and had problems in attacking.

STEP 3 – BEING OUTNUMBERED IN THE DEFENCE: the supporters easily understood what was happening, and became worried. Inside the Arena América, Cafundéu created few goal chances, and seemed far away from converting them. Careca and Moreira were playing well, but were unable to score. And the punishment came when The Holy Empire started to counterattack. Their strength in these counterattacks was very intense, and impressive. They had some good chances to score, and the Cafundelenses were making defensive mistakes that were helping The Holy Empire to find a perfect breach in our defensive area. Then, the deadly attack came.

STEP 4 – DEFENSIVE MISTAKES COST A PENALTY (Breno Gavião): “Ducaso with the ball in the midfield, exchange passes with Barrrrrsymes, rrrrrreceives the ball back, excellent drrrrribble, invades the arrrrrrea, will scorrrrrre... Gaëif gets him and the rrrrrreferrrrrre points to the penalty marrrrrrk! It’s a penalty! And rrrrrred carrrrrrd to Merrrrrtus Gaëif. Bad situation for Cafundéu, the same Ducaso to take it... and it’s a goal! Goal for the Holy Empirrrrre! Ducaso, number nine! Now it’s The Holy Empirrrrre one, Cafundéu zerrrrrro! Need a new car, a luxurrrrrious one? So buy the new Velog Senna, the top automobile of the famous Velog manufacturrrrrerrrrrrs!”

STEP 5 – MANTAINING THE SAME STYLE AFTER SUFFERING THE GOAL: with one player less in the field and losing the game, it’d be natural if Bosschaart decided to make changes in the team. If not a substitution, then a different approach of the game. But we saw nothing. The coach simply ignored what happened and put Jorginho to play as the third defender, exposing the team even more. Some could argue that this made the team more offensive, but there wasn’t a need to make Jorginho stay, he could be substituted. And no strategy change was made, the team continued using the same moves, which weren’t being trained with this line-up, and this helped The Holy Empire to grow even more in the game. Ducaso was close to score another goal nearly the thirtieth minute, dribbling Zé Sho and shooting with strength. Fortunately, the ball went wide.

http://img232.imageshack.us/img232/8286/wc422uv0.jpg (http://imageshack.us)
Titov receives a yellow card... Cafundelenses weren't saints today

STEP 6 – NOT MAKING CHANGES DURING HALFTIME: halftime came, and the result was 1x0 for The Holy Empire. Cafundéu, after the goal, had some offensive chances, but seemed much more worried in avoiding suffering the second goal. But, luckily, the opponents didn’t press much, and Júlio Sampa didn’t have much work to be made in the remaining of the half. But, when a possibility for a reaction came, the coach Eduardo Bosschaart didn’t make any major changes in the team’s strategy, only asked the team to explore more the wings and to start using Moreira as the playmaker. That didn’t seem enough to avoid the mess.

STEP 7 – LACK OF ORGANIZATION AND MISSED CHANCES (Breno Gavião): we don’t need to repeat what we said... because that’s what exactly happened. The team even created more goal chances, but missed them, and continued confused in the field making moves that didn’t fit the players. Breno Gavião comments in a Cafundelense missed chance in the game: “Ball to the left side of the field, Cafundelense possession. Augusto César with the ball, makes a pass to Morrrrrreirrrrrra who seems to be contrrrrrrolling the midfield. Good pass to Carrrrrreca, wonderrrrrrful chance, the drrrrrrraw goal will come now, he shoots... wide! Unbelievable! Cafundéu loses an excellent chance! And you, please don’t lose a chance to win big prrrrrizes! Bet rrrrrright now in the Loterrrrrria Cafundelense, and suffer the rrrrrrisk to become a millionairrrrrre!”

STEP 8 – BEING LATE IN MAKING SUBSTITUTIONS: Cafundéu was playing better in the second half, and seemed to be equal than The Holy Empire in performance at that point. But, when it was time to make a step further in the search for a better result, Bosschaart once again failed. A substitution was needed, to bring a rested player to the field and one that was following the game from outside, so he could notice what to do in order to score the goal. But only in the thirty minute of the second half Bosschaart decided to make changes. Two at the same time, but later ones anyway. Aristóteles and Marossi entered in the places of Danilo Sampa and Silveira. That’s right. No defensive midfielders in the team.

STEP 9 – OVERCONFIDENCE IN A LATE GOAL: the substitutions showed that the situation was desperate for Cafundéu, running against the time to score a goal. No defensive midfielders, reckless attacks. But, surprisingly, when the team lost a chance, the players didn’t try to correct their mistakes in that attack, repeating them in the next play. This happened because they were certain that Cafundéu would score sooner or later, and that the team was playing enough to get a better result. The supporters seemed to have the same thought, and put all their hopes in the entrance of Fabrício near the end of the game, calling his name. A player that just now became the main attacker of the team would able to score whenever he wanted, and wouldn’t fail. Surely everyone was too naive to think like this. And, when he entered in Careca’s place, things seemed solved. Cafundéu would score.

STEP 10 – CHANGING THE PENALTY KICKS TAKER (Breno Gavião): the chance for the victory finally came near the last minute of the game... “And we rrrrrreach the forrrrrty-fifth minute of the second half, corrrrrrner kick to Cafundéu. Morrrrrreirrrrrrrra sends it to the arrrrrrea, a confusion starrrrrts, and Glycaso crrrrrrashes with Fabrrrrrício... and the rrrrreferrrrree calls a penalty! Even I wasn’t cerrrrrtain if that was! Anyway, it is Cafundéu’s chance to scorrrrrre, Augusto César gets prrrrrreparrrrrred... wait, Fabrrrrrrício will take, he seems prrrrretty confident. Goes, shoots... GOOOOO... wait, the rrrrrreferrrrree disallowed it, Da Silva made an infrrrrrraction. The penalty will be taken again. And herrrrre goes Fabrrrrrício. He looks at Cauleaso, goes to shoot... stops rrrrrright beforrrrrre shooting expecting to see the goalkeeper fall, but he didn’t, he now rrrrreally shoots... saved! Saved by Cauleaso! And save yourrrrrrself frrrrrom insects too! Use the insect-killer poison Matatudo 1000, the ultimate weapon against the insects!”

The last mistake, the step 10, concluded the mess. Fabrício was overconfident in scoring with the support of the fans in Abadia and demanded to take that penalty kick. Something that he usually wouldn’t take. Augusto César, the official penalty taker of Cafundéu, was in the field, and should have taken the penalty. But, thanks to overconfidence, they let the attacker shot instead, and he missed. Congratulations to him and to the team. After all, the team deserved to lose this game, as, due to many mistakes, created a complete mess inside the field. The Holy Empire deserved to score even more, and we seriously hope that the team can learn and not repeat these mistakes against Kelssek.

INTERVIEWS – CÉSAR LANG: my second day of working as the Olho no Lance! interviewer, and it is clear that the Cafundelenses aren’t in the mood to talk. Of course, the way that they lost this game wasn’t pleasant, and some will think that things could be different... but they weren’t. The coach Eduardo Bosschaart told the press: “We failed. What I expected didn’t happen, what I planned wasn’t concluded, and we lost. They deserved the win, and we made many mistakes.” The attacker Careca said: “There is still one game and, if we win, we are qualified. So, we must continue confident that we can get this qualification.”

http://img232.imageshack.us/img232/9226/wc423nv8.jpg (http://imageshack.us)
Teams go to their dressing rooms after the end of the first half

CAFUNDÉU 0x1 THE HOLY EMPIRE

Place: Arena América, in Abadia.
Attendance: 120,000 people.
Time: 16:00 Cafundelense time.
Climate: cloudy, 20ºC.
Referee: Milos Karnac (Lovisa).
Assistants: Ananios Keros (Demot) and Villa Mürunir (Demot).
MOTM: Michael Ducaso (The Holy Empire).

CAFUNDÉU: Júlio Sampa; Ronaldão, Titov and Gaëif; Silveira (Marossi 76’), Jorginho, Da Silva, Augusto César and Moreira; Careca (Fabrício 84’) and Danilo Sampa (Aristóteles 76’).
Coach: Eduardo Bosschaart.

THE HOLY EMPIRE: Cauleaso; Glycaso, Lecapnuso and Notaraso; Phocaso, Oöryphaso (Autorinuso 70’), Palaeologo, Barsymes and Ducaso; Eugeniotes (Beccuso 77’) and Muntanes (Lichudes 63’).
Coach: Juan Tzimisces.

Goals:HOE: Ducaso 19’.

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Line-up for the game against Kelssek: Júlio Sampa; Alex, Titov and Ronaldão; Silveira, Zé Sho, Marossi, Augusto César and Moreira; Careca and Fabrício.
Coach: Eduardo Bosschaart.
Style of +2.5

Referee: Zet Plomaker (Zwangzug).

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WC Goalscorers:

1- Aristóteles, Marossi, Augusto César, Titov.

IYF/SA Headquarters, Ajer, Yafor 2

As surprising as it is to see him in an RP, Cinna the Poet was sitting in his office, carving one of his famous poems (as indicated by his name, that was his skill) into one of his trademark stone tablets. Indeed, he was a famous man - his iambs and syllables had sped the world across. In Sorthern Northland, he was revered as only Ben O'Bagels (his most famous supporter and associate) had been. In Septentrionia, he was known as "the stone carver" and he commanded great respect. In Vephrall, he was a wanted criminal for his consistent attacks on Angufams Wecoisus and many policemen were looking into him for involvement in that man's disappearance (yes, yes, I know I'm waxing poetical. Why doncha just sue me, okay? In a Jeruselemite court, hopefully).

As it was, Cinna's poetical period of time had been disturbed - by an invasion of "important business", as it was. The head of the IYF/SA disliked being interrupted, even if it was "important", and, after all, that was what his secretary, Andromache (yes, that Andromache), and her husband, Helenus, and child, Astyanax (yes, the timeline is screwed up. Astyanax either died or founded settlements in Rhodes, or went to Sicily, or whatever. He's not really a baby when his mother is married to Helenus. I don't care. I decided to take Hector's wife and child, and transport them to the son-of-Priam, prophet, guy-who-betrayed-a-lot-to-Odysseus-when-he-was-captured (after-Helen-was-given-to-another-brother), and also known as Scamandrius, place of residence. Whatever. I don't really care. As Cinna would say: "my, what an ecphrasis! Clearly poetry is too much for [direct object, in this case, me]. Whatever. I think I'll go on to the next paragraph now).

However, in this case, "important business" involved the head of the LIDYT, the third-most-capped-player-in-the-history-of-Yafor 2, Deron Smithes, as well as Iktam Velastros (who really didn't have much of a major job yet, but was still there, because he was rather important and often had good input), Helenus, Andromache and the baby, and Ian Felsenfeld, for some reason (he only comes into this scene as a shout-out to Zwangzug. Whoo! Zwangzug for WCC President!). As a result, a few rather important people were in the room, the people who made the decision in Yaforite football/soccer, as well as Cinna the Poet, the most important person of all (as well as the guy who has all of those statues in Sorthern Northland. They might be drunk all the time, but boy, can they carve them statues!). Oh, and on the the table was a phone, with a direct link to Dave Hollow, the Yaforite national team manager, who wasn't able to come. You know, the whole "managing" thing.

"I do hope that this will not be very long. I am currently in verse two-hundred-and-fifty-seven of my masterpiece Aeneas and Dido (far better than that hack Virgil, I daresay), and I am only reaching the good part of Aeneas beginning to realize that he ought to listen to his mother and go to the city. Please do hurry up. I'd like to finish much of the entrance scene by the end of this week, and I can't do that, with all you people hanging around." Naturally, this was the powerful and intelligent voice of Cinna the Poet, who had picked up a different stone tablet (the one in which he writes all those comments about things. The one he is famous for) and had begun to carve. As the Vephrese would say, "he must be strong! He can carry stone tablets in that way!" (or something similar), and they were indeed correct. Of course, the conversation continued as it had, but as Cinna is the focus of all intelligent people in the world, the first part of this RP must focus on him.

"I don't know how he can do that! I mean, just retire from the World Cup team like that! He wants to play club, I mean, club!" Surprisingly, this was the voice of Andromache, who was not only stately, but also a bit whiny. Not at all like the stories, which are dreadfully slanted in favor of Hector, and, by extension, her, as well. "I mean, let's be honest here - the LIDYT isn't the greatest league in the world and the inclusion of Prince Sebard for another two - even five, let's say, five! - seasons isn't really going to do much for the world. But the World Cup team! He could have done so much! And, yet, he had decided to retire from international football!" Andromache proceeded to shake her head, in the way of one who is deeply disapproving. As one would expect her to shake her head, to be entirely honest, all the while juggling that baby in her hands (and doing a far better job than Belinda Littlewood. Zwangzugians, I mean, brilliant people, but as baby-care-takers? Not so much [and another shout-out for Zwangzug for WCC President! Whoo!]).

"It is his choice, Andromache." The softer voice of Iktam Velastros was a welcome change from the commanding qualities of Andromache's. There was a certain perspicacity about Velastros, which was why many perceived him to be the next great Yaforite manager. "After all, he has had so many moments in his World Cup career that have been amazing - I mean, look at Arridia and all the others! We wish we could have done that, really. After all -" Velastros found himself interrupted by a knocking at the door, and a small/short herald immediately entered, blushing, and reading a message. "Excuse me, um, Ilsinha is here. Claims it is urgent." Deron Smithes looked up, shook his head, and responded quickly. "I'll be out in a moment. Apologize for me, if possible." The herald/messenger blushed again, nodded, and exited the room.

"I agree with Iktam," the former international-level goalkeeper continued, "As Harolan Moares, who couldn't make this meeting," he indicated the seat next to Felsenfeld (another shout-out for - oh, you've got the picture by now. Sorry.), "has said, Prince Sebard is the defining player for a lot of young stars. He has done things that many of us can only dream about doing. But he has had to make a choice and he made it, and a part of carrying all those expectations is making hard decisions like that. He's Prince Sebard and, as always, he's doing what is right." The voice from inside the phone, Dave Hollow concurred. "Besides, there's that whole thing with Audrey Deguela as well. I think it's a good thing, personally, for Maharta, at least." There was a slight nodding around the table.

"Disgraceful!" Andromache's harsh voice was the lone dissent. "You saw how they played against Vephrall! Sure, it is his choice, but we cannot allow him to do this to us! What if we lose to Oliverry?" [author's note: this a Freudian slip. Sort of.] She shook her head, expelling some of her pent-up energy in the process. "You're right, of course. I only think he made the wrong choice." And all the time, the great man Cinna the Poet, sat in the chair of the desk and carved and wrote his eternal verses.

[OOC: I went a little crazy. I do apologize.]

RP Cutoff, presented by the Mouvement Laïque: We are going to hate on the Dallases if we get elected! Please vote MouLai!! PUH-LEASE!!

Jeruselem Government News

Anti-Dallas movement backfires on Tynelia

Match day 3 of World Cup finals group stage. Jeruselem having it's international issues with human rights as well as needing to beat ZwangZug, and hoping Rennidan beat Tynelia.

With Han, Bazalonian and Septentrionia supports egging on Tynelia against Rennidan - the Jeruselem team seemed doomed to fail to make the 2nd round. Oddly, Monks and Bostopians were supporting Jeruselem - these countries aren't supposed to be our friends. The ZwangZug vs Jeruselem and Tynelia vs Rennidan games were big games in this due to the storm around Jeruselem's treatment of drunk party goer.

With Tynelia seemingly assured of at least one point against Rennidan on paper, the Dallas haters were confident. Something happened to Tynelia, they crashed 1-3 to Rennidan in a performance which could not be explained.

Meanwhile despite the best efforts of a hostile crowd, Jeruselem proved to the world they can perform under pressure drawing with the mighty ZwangZug 3 ALL. This meant Jeruselem pushed into 2nd round against Vephrall.

The Jeruselem team weren't afraid to prove Jeruselem weren't about to lose to superior Zug. Both teams went hard at the game and there was no slacking for a draw. Jeruselem had most to lose and threw everything into game. The hostile locals and other hostile fans threw nuts at Jeruselem but something was odd about the weather.

A ghostly wind for the duration of the game waifed around totally disrupting all nut throwing antics. A voice saying "Bad Wolf" was faint in this breeze and it only lasted for the duration of the game. When ref blew the whistle, it disappeared.

Some saw it as a bad omen for Jeruselem, but our own Sister Marsha said "Aww, it's sorta scary. Actually it sounds like Dazza ... not Maggie. But I'm not feeling any bad vibes! It must be on our side.". The Jeruselem team didn't seem too scared or concerned while the superstituous panicked.

Meanwhile, in Jeruselem - a man in car tried to drive over Princess Marie-Antoinette Dallas during a street party but the car veered left hit a post, with the driver flying out the window, over a fence and into the adjoining uncovered sewage drain. No one volunteered to retrieve the body.

The Meice Journal
All the news that fits, we print!
Vol. 169, No. 84 - 11 May 1761

Sports

Nude players can't get win over Prux
by Mir Coteskais
http://www.prism.gatech.edu/~gth681k/ns/vephrall/photos/reporters/Coteskais, Mir.jpg

Though no official within the Vephrese government has yet been willing to say anything in public regarding the current international incident in Jeruselem, the national football team apparently decided to join Yi Sangguk's call for a day of nudity in protest of the actions taken by Jeruselem's royal family. A large percentage of the Vephrese fans attending the game did so as well, a total of tens of thousands of nude Vephrallers in Septentrionia.

Well, not quite entirely nude; since the final group stage match was against Prux, the players and most of the fans did opt to wear scarves in order to protect against the zombies potentially biting their necks. Repeated reminders from some that the Pruxian team consisted of zombies, not vampires, fell on deaf ears. Some reporters covering the match also took the opportunity to let it all hang out, as it were. Including this one. And no, I'm sorry, I didn't take any pictures of myself, as much as I'm sure that disappoints my colleagues here at the Journal.

http://www.prism.gatech.edu/~gth681k/ns/vephrall/no_intl.png
Two co-eds from the University of Riestre waiting to get into the stadium for the match against Prux

The scarves did accomplish their goal, as no players suffered bites by the zombies from Prux. The game itself was a bit of a letdown, though, with neither team managing to put the ball into the other team's net. Most of the fans still seemed to be having plenty of fun, though. Of course, most of them were probably naked just for the sake of being naked and didn't give a fig about the events in Jeruselem. Oh well.

Despite the 0-0 draw, Vephrall still finishes at the top of Group E and now faces the very team that the players and fans were (whether they knew it or not) protesting against. No word yet on the reaction to these events from Jeruselem.

In other news, the search for WCC president Angufams Wecoisus continues. It has now been a month since he was last heard from, and many fear the worst. The VNP has so far found very few leads, though there are indications that they have been communicating with authorities in Yafor 2. Getting an interview with a VNP official is about as difficult as losing a war to Septentrionia, so no further details are currently available.

Once again, a 1-0-2 group stage record. Once again, unable to defeat the top teams when it really matters. World Cup 40 looks more like a fluke, now, and the failure will cost Charles DuPont his job. They had their chance, but Jericho Leyton's goal early in the second half did not give the team the momentum it needed, and the score was settled by a deserving Bostopian side in the 73rd minute.

Black Wing goals:
10 - Dan Potts
7 - Shishio Jinguuji
6 - Lyle Dylandy
4 - Jericho Leyton, Benjamin Whittaker
3 - Kazuki Midorikawa
2 - Shiro Furuya
1 - Casey Berber, Akira Morimoto, Kevin Underwood

QBC WORLD CUP 42 COVERAGE

"Hello all, I'm John Cadding, and 5 bits of news to report.

First, the Pheonix lost to Valanora 3-2, eliminating the 7th ranked team in the world from the World Cup, and due to copyright issues with the Cafundelense media (either appearently we didn't pay them enough, or they paid us not to carry the game, iIdunno which), we can't show you the game, but needless to say, the Pheonix are going home early, once again, from the World Cup.

Second bit of ews: The Pheonix are losing many key players from this great run over the last 16 years, only 2 starters from this World Cup run are staying:

Goalkeeper:
Erin Goolden, Age 27 (4th WC)- Retiring

Defense:
Cyrus Stasinos, Age 28 (4th WC)-Retiring
Georgianne Shillingford Age 27 (4th WC)-Retiring
Olivia St. Louis, Age 23 (2nd WC) (bench games 1-3, Starter games 4-12)
Tenesha Evelo, Age 28 (4th WC)-Retiring

Sweeper:
Maria Lupe Reyes, Age 24 (2nd WC)

Midfielders:
Maria Cruz-Preli, Age 28 (4th WC)- Retiring
Stevie Spingler, Age 27 (4th WC)- Retiring

Forwards:
Kallie Jaus, Age 27 (4th WC)-Retiring
Renna Valladores, Age 28 (4th WC)-Retiring
Anderson Tarricone, Age 28(4th WC)- Retiring

Reserves:
GK: Natalie Dansen, Age 23 (2nd WC)
David Cooksey, Age 24 (2nd WC)

Defense:
Carl Higgens, Age 22 (2nd WC)
Russ Heberly, Age 27 (4th WC)- Retiring
Diane Wiser, Age 24 (2nd WC)

Midfield:
Wilburn Harmond, Age 28 (4th WC)-Retiring
Letta Smicht, Age 27 (4th WC)- Retiring
Maria Anna Reyes, Age 22 (2nd WC) also plays sweeper
Wesley Teahen, Age 23 (2nd WC) also plays sweeper
David Shultz, Age 24 (2nd WC)- not returning for personal reasons
Brittany Lopes, Age 23 (2nd WC)

Forwards:
Charles Marquis, Age 21 (2nd WC)
Raul de Olivares, Age 21 (2nd WC)
Yolanda Christian, Age 23 (2nd WC)
Jason Erca, Age 18 (1st WC)


Meaning once again, Qazox is in re-tooling mode. For some reason, 27-30 is the maximum age these players reach, before their bodies begin to break down and they retire. Either its the hard training conditions or something in the water, but we just don't know.

Third: Ryan Greenley, Qazox' 2nd winningest coach is retiring as well, and the QFC isn't currently looking for a replacement coach.

Fourth: The Oxen Cup, a post-World Cup Tourney featuring teams from around the NSUniverse is not going to be held next year, due to "Security concerns". What Security concerns? Qazox has peacefull relations with every nation, even those damn Green Wombati and even those Pruxian wierdos.

Fifth: Unsports relatedly, Qazox has withdrawn ALL ammbassadors, attaches, and other national figures from embassies around the world. If not in fact, but theory, Qazox is a closed nation now. Only trade is currently allowed, but is slowly being curtailed. No reason from the State Department or the Fuhur's office has been given.

We are allowed to tell you who scored in the match. Anderson Tarricone in the 34th minute, Raul de Olivares in the 87th. Valanora's goals came from Ikles Razov in the 13th and 51st minutes, and by Kiso Night in the 64th. Tarricone's goal was the 700th in Qazox history.

QAZOX Goals (In qualifying):
Valladores: 7
Jaus: 7 (2 PK)
Tarricone: 4
de Olivares: 4
Christian: 4
Cruz-Preli: 3 (1 PK)
Marquis: 3
Spingler: 2
Erca: 2
St. Louis: 1
Schultz: 1
Lopes: 1

QAZOX' Goals (In World Cup 42)
Jaus: 2 (1 PK)
Marquis: 1
Tarricone: 1
Valladores: 1
de Olivares: 1

(OOC: Just wondering, how many other teams have scored 700 goals, besides the obvious ones?)

World Cup Qualification - Group 5
MD1: vs Gerainia (3-1) (@ Gwangdong Imperial Sports Complex and Stadium, Gwangju)
MD2: @ Ad'ihan (1-2) (@ Protectorate Stadium, Ad'ihan)
MD3: vs Universitus University (3-1) (@ King Kim Iljei Memorial Football Stadium, Malnira)
MD4: @ kenavt (4-1) (@ Granderson Stadium)
MD5: vs Lingdinis Insania (3-0) (@ Sanhaemun Football Stadium, Jinhwangdo)
M6: @ Kura-Pelland (0-3)
MD7: -bye-
MQ: vs Taeshan (1-0) (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD8: @ Gerainia (2-0)
MD9: vs Ad'ihan (1-1) (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD10: @ Universitus University (1-0)
MD11: vs kenavt (3-0) (@ Goguryeo Football Stadium, Hanseong)
MD12: @ Lingdinis Insania (5-1)
MD13: vs Kura-Pelland (1-0) (@ Cha Beomgeun Memorial Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD14: -bye-
World Cup 42 - Group B
MD1: vs Wentland (8) @ Gigantão, Santo Galvão (2-0)
MD2: vs Sorthern Northland (32) @ Estádio Nacional dos Cocos, Porto Lacruz (1-1)
MD3: vs Bazalonia (5) @ Maracatuzão, Dunboor (3-2)
R16: vs The Holy Empire (25) @ Presídio, Carandirú City


Han Beat the Odds, Beat Bazalonia

Daehanjeiguk| 3-2 |Bazalonia

http://www.smh.com.au/ffximage/2007/07/23/korea1_narrowweb__300x458,0.jpg

DUNBOOR - If you were in Cafundéu, and you were at the Maracatuzão just today, you definitely got your money worth for an exciting game. Even as Bazalonia looked to be the favorites - in every World Cup encounter, Bazalonia had come out on top, and were finalists in WC40 - the Han had an air of confidence about them. A quick break in the 15th minute saw Jeong Jihun dazzle the fans with his fancy foot-work, although he ensuing shot hit the cross bar and out of play. But it was not to be the last, as Song Jongguk - a former player for Dunboor FC, in fact - led up the ball to Baek Jihun, who made good work of the Bazalope defense, making elementary triangles with Yi Yeongpyo and Jeong Jihun. Jeong Jihun only had a moment to cross, which found Song Jongguk's formidable head to lodge the Han ahead for 1-0. It was pressure that was to be short-lived. 10 minutes, Bazalonia made a good effort on goal, although Kim Jongguk managed a strong effort to save Cole's shot. Just before going in, a challenge on Yi Beomsuk resulted in a yellow card, although even Ioshido Toki was debating its legitimacy as he went into the locker rooms - "But I'm not going to protest the decision. I'm just saying that I wouldn't have given a yellow card if I were officiating. And I'm not." It was perhaps a sign of bad things to come, as the Han were caught completely off-guard in the first few minutes to make things seem heading for an end of the road. Ainsley made two clean efforts to send the Bazalopes ahead after jut 6 minutes, and caught the Han severely demoralized. A yellow card in the 65th minute found Baek Jihun at the wrong end of a foul, although the Han later wasted the free kick from far out. Incidentally, the Bazalopes had a chance to go ahead one more in the 69th minute, but Kim Jongguk was on top of things by then and daftly caught the ball in his gracious hands. Towards the later half, with Ioshido shouting tactical changes (but making no substitutions surprisingly), the Han came to have great possession but few chances. It was the great build-up for yet another come-from-behind win. After dallying with the ball, Choi Jincheol led up a long ball to An Pilrip, who saw a golden opportunity. He beat the defense and from far out, he knocked the ball up and into the net. The equalizer was just the impetus that helped propel the Han up. Four minutes later, An Pilrip would lead a corner kick, finding Kim Daeeui unprotected in the box, who slapped the ball neatly into the far corner. It was 3-2 with 3 minutes left in time, and the Bazalopes made a desperate dash for their timely equalizer. At that time, Wentland were winning 1-0, so a draw against Bazalonia would have been enough to send them through. But Ioshido and the Han were not content to giving up a little pride for mercy, and the whistle blew out for an exhilarating 3-2 win.

Ioshido Toki stopped with an MBC reporter after the match for a few quick remarks.

MBC: Now that you've made the next round, what's your goal?

吉田: Well, we'll beat whoever is next and we'll keep going until we can't.

MBC: Sounds pretty unfocused.

吉田: Actually, not. Just keep winning. At the moment, I think we'll be playing either Cafundéu or The Holy Empire. Maybe Ad'ihan if they win by a long enough margin. But they're all strong side, and we'll need to be better prepared defensively. We had a little surprise shock coming out after the interval.

MBC: Who do you think has made the greatest impact this World Cup?

吉田: I don't like to name players, but Song Jongguk's command of the fan base has been very helpful. An Pilrip - doubtless, he's been phenomenal as one of the younger players. He'll be a great asset for the next few cups. And Kim Daeeui. He's certainly old, but he still scores goals. Kim Jongguk - he doesn't score goals, but he's been doing very well to keep them out so far. I can't say one name really though. Everyone's been on top of their game. And they're showing that they can win against some of the best teams in the world.

MBC: What do you think about the events in Jeruselem?

吉田: I'm not a politician. Ask them.

MBC: Some of the fans were nude in the stands.

吉田: I saw that. But I think the Cafundelense police had a handle on the situation. Honestly, this isn't one of those countries that tolerates it very lightly, even for civil protests. I'm glad that there are people who make a defense of civil rights, but it shouldn't have any influence on how the players play. I'm glad that Jeruselem are progressin in spite of what's happening around them, because they can't be responsible for the actions of their respective countries. Well, maybe some of them can, but not all of them.

MBC: Are you considering in participating in Yi Sangguk's protest?

吉田: I'd doubt it. I might donate to a fund that seeks to end injustice, but stripping for protest? It's sort of like burning down my house in protest of arson, or forfeiting a match to protest match fixing.

MBC: Well, that is pretty extreme. Any words for the fans at home?

吉田: I love you too! Keep rooting for us!

MBC: He loves you too.

Ioshido's love for the home fans didn't carry over in the Sorthern match, who lost 1-0 to Wentland. But thanks to the Han's win over Bazalonia, they progress anyway, a second chance against the hosts, Cafundéu. Meanwhile, the Han do take a hard trip to Carandirú City for a chance to go one farther than Cha Beomgeun's efforts in World Cup 39. Although Ad'ihan managed to beat The Holy Empire 4-2, Cafundéu's charges beat 4-2 as well, which put Ad'ihan in 3rd place, based on GD (4>1>0). Kelssek leaves this World Cup Edition as one of 4 teams not win a single WC match. Yafalonia and Bazor 2 made up the other team, and further lived up to its reputation as FAIL, by leaving the World Cup as the worst performing team overall. Matters weren't helped with a 5-0 uber-pwnzor crush by sleeping giants Milchama, while Bostopia stole the distinction as the best performing team in the Group Stage, with a 2-1 win over Dancougar. In Group D, Jeru FC made up the trio of teams failing to find a point in the World Cup, completing their first foray into the World Cup with a 3-2 loss against Jaseuyeon. The win - helped with Valanora's 3-2 own win over Qazox - sent the UCS side into the next round, with a fixture set against Bostopia, while the #1 and #3 sides meet up in the next round.

In Septentrionie, it was a 2-2 draw as Yafor 2 won out over the hosts to progress, while a curiously nude 0-0 draw sent the Prux zombies out and Vephrall in to face the object of Yi Sangguk's protest. Jeruselem, having defied expectations, blew out an extended match for an exciting 3-3 match amidst pistachio-throwing nudists and curiously vocal weather. The result knocked out Tynelia - who lost 3-1 to the die-in-honorable-fashion Rennidan - and sets up some interesting line-ups as Zwangzug meet up against Yafor 2. In Group G, the SLANI slanied a slani Bettia team, who complete our non-achieving quartet for World Cup 42. The result, coupled with C&M drawing Demot 1-1, ensured the SLANI stay on top of Group G. The result also set up a next round match against the Archregimancy, who fell down humbly from a 5-2 loss to Starblaydia. The former champions weren't taking many chances after their surprise loss to Kura-Pelland - who were also having a bad hair day, losing 1-0 to Lovisa. Nonetheless, Starblaydia are ensured a chance to defend their title with a match set against C&M.

Needless to say, we're all happy to see the Han progress to the next round after a hiatus of 2 WC Seasons (WC40,WC41). The result also puts the Han undefeated in their last 10 matches. Will it continue? Only time will tell.

World Cup Goal Scorers:
2 - Kim Daeeui, Song Jongguk
1 - Jeong Jihun, An Pilrip

Official (WC42M) Record:
Bazalonia are really fired up for this game
15' - Yi Beomsuk (HAN)
Kim Jingyu
Jeong Jihun
Beats Van-Houten
Jeong Jihun uses his pace
Holds off Jones
Shakes off No.20
Jeong Jihun shows great skill
Holds off Xiu
Holds off No. 20
No. 15
Jeong Jihun shoots!
The ball hits the cross-bar!
25' - Song Jongguk (HAN)
Baek Jihun
Yi Yeongpyo
Jeong Jihun
Crosses it
Song Jongguk with a diving header!
GOAL!: Song Jongguk SCORES!!!
35' - Jones (BAZ)
Van-Houten
Cole
Shakes off Baek Jihun
Cole uses his pace
Holds off Kim Jingyu
Still Cole
Cole shoots!
Kim Jongguk saves it!
42' - Yi Beomsuk (HAN)
No.14 makes a bad challenge...
It's a Yellow card!
>>> HALF TIME <<<
48' - No. 20 (BAZ)
Jones
Holds off Baek Jihun
Still Jones
Ainsley
Goes past Kim Jingyu
Ainsley shows great skill
Ainsley shoots!
GOAL!: Ainsley SCORES!!!
51' - Corner for Bazalonia!
Jones to take it...
He crosses it...
Ainsley with the header!
GOAL!: Ainsley SCORES!!!
65' - Baek Jihun (HAN)
Van-Houten makes a bad challenge...
It's a Yellow card!
69' - Freekick for Bazalonia!
Jones to take it...
He steps up...
Jones shoots!
Kim Jongguk saves it!
Bazalonia are looking very sharp
Daehanjeiguk are controlling the ball well
83' - Choi Jincheol (HAN)
An Pilrip
Beats Jones
Still An Pilrip
An Pilrip shoots!
GOAL!: An Pilrip SCORES!!!
87' - Corner for Daehanjeiguk!
An Pilrip to take it...
He crosses it...
Kim Daeeui volleys!
GOAL!: Kim Daeeui SCORES!!!
>>>FINAL<<<

***While returning back to Septentrionia***

Guy who was formerly taking care of Boston but is now beside the jet pilot: Hey, look what I found here!

Jet Pilot: A radio? With Han characters? OH SHIT!

Co-pilot: Yeah... I guess we're screwed... and we don't have the president...

Jet Pilot: That's not the worse thing... look who's in front of us!

Co-pilot: OH GOD NO! HAN ALERT!

*A flash of light suddenly happens with a boom noise*

Jet Pilot: OH NO! We're touched! MAYDAY! I repeat! MAYDAY!

Co-pilot: I guess we're done! Je vous salue Marie, pleine de grâces (OOC: that's one of the most popular prayers in Québec, particularly known for it use in punishing someone [e.g. Someone had to make 100 "Je vous salue Marie]. Also known as Ave Maria)

Jet Pilot: Where. Are. The. Flotation. Devices?

Co-pilot: Right there! *takes one and wears it* TAKE IT and open the damn door!

*Jet Pilot opens the door and both guys jump off when the plane is only 20 metres away from the ocean. Big splash occurs, as both the plane and the guys are at roughly the same spot. Almost miraculously, both survive and are alright*

Jet Pilot: Oh god... now, it's the Hans who are coming towards us... Adieu la vie...

Justice is done, to put it mildly, as Starblaydia and The Archregimancy produced a thrilling 5-2 in the former's favour and Kura-Pelland lost a tame match 1-0 to Lovisa - that combination sent both the Lovisans and Kura-Pellandis out, and upon judging the two matches it would be impossible to argue it wasn't the right outcome for the tournament.

RP-inin supplies are set to arrive at Fariynuff Airport later today, and storage of the popular Score Enhancing Drug is set to be moved eastwards in light of the damage caused by the recent hurricane.

The following might be true.

Or it might not.

Somewhere just outside the city walls of Alasdairopolis lies the Black Bunker, the headquarters of the State Bureau of Imperial Security, the SBIS.

The Bunker is of the Dreamed Realm, but not in the Dreamed Realm.

The external walls occupy space within the Holy Empire, but the interior space lies without; time and space are warped to allow a finite external structure to contain an infinite interior space.

All those who work in the Bunker have an advanced degree in post-infinite mathematics.

Within the Bunker lies the fabelled monitoring room, where all of the infinite Ordinary Realities are simultaneously watched and studied.

The monitoring room is folded across at least six dimensions; it can no more be conceived of by mundies than a Flatlander can conceive of a three dimensional space.

The two-dimensional Flatland is real, by the way.

The motto of SBIS and the monitoring room is 'Watch - and never interfere'; but that doesn't mean they can't pass on their knowledge of what they see. To an Imperial football team with their best chance of reaching the quarterfinals for only the third time in their long, long history, for many a tournament.

Watch as SBIS try to focus on the Holy Empire's next opponents...

The Last War has come and gone. What was once China is glassy wasteland of fused dust; the oceans have evaporated, except at the very bottom of the Mariana Trench, where a few dying sponges are the last lifeforms on earth....

No, not that one. Bit nihilistic.

The descendents of the semi-legendary Emperor Nasi Goreng marshal their troops for a final onslaught against the flesh-eating giant rabbits that live beyond the wall, ever wary over whether their new Aztec allies can be trusted....

Fun, but not that one either.

The trans-dimensional lizard prince Kim Jong Il lies dying as his arch-enemies 'John McCain' and 'Sarah Palin' - the evil but infertile humanoid lizard couple - prepare to replace the brain-dead drone George W. Bush....

<shudder> Definitely not that one.

The mighty Han Empire rules over a strong and united China, foremost of all the nations of the earth....

Not quite; we want the 韓, not the 漢 - this is a world where the classical Han never fell.

I AM THE AUBERGINE PRINCE! BEHOLD! MY VEGETABLE KINGDOM SHALL LIVE FOREVER!!!!

Where on earth did that one come from?

Yi Taegon, the new ruler of the great Han Empire, and yet to choose a regnal name, presides over the funeral of his assassinated predecessor, the Gwangmu Emperor. Soon his vast armada of cricket ships shall be unleashed in the final apocalyptic war against the Empire's murderous arch-enemies Zwangzug....

Getting very close - but not quite there yet.

If you were in Cafundéu, and you were at the Maracatuzão just today, you definitely got your money worth for an exciting game. Even as Bazalonia looked to be the favorites - in every World Cup encounter, Bazalonia had come out on top, and were finalists in WC40 - the Han had an air of confidence about them. A quick break in the 15th minute saw Jeong Jihun dazzle the fans with his fancy foot-work, although he ensuing shot hit the cross bar and out of play. But it was not to be the last, as Song Jongguk - a former player for Dunboor FC, in fact - led up the ball to Baek Jihun, who made good work of the Bazalope defense, making elementary triangles with Yi Yeongpyo and Jeong Jihun. Jeong Jihun only had a moment to cross, which found Song Jongguk's formidable head to lodge the Han ahead for 1-0. It was pressure that was to be short-lived. 10 minutes, Bazalonia made a good effort on goal, although Kim Jongguk managed a strong effort to save Cole's shot. Just before going in, a challenge on Yi Beomsuk resulted in a yellow card, although even Ioshido Toki was debating its legitimacy as he went into the locker rooms - "But I'm not going to protest the decision. I'm just saying that I wouldn't have given a yellow card if I were officiating. And I'm not." It was perhaps a sign of bad things to come, as the Han were caught completely off-guard in the first few minutes to make things seem heading for an end of the road. Ainsley made two clean efforts to send the Bazalopes ahead after jut 6 minutes, and caught the Han severely demoralized. A yellow card in the 65th minute found Baek Jihun at the wrong end of a foul, although the Han later wasted the free kick from far out. Incidentally, the Bazalopes had a chance to go ahead one more in the 69th minute, but Kim Jongguk was on top of things by then and daftly caught the ball in his gracious hands. Towards the later half, with Ioshido shouting tactical changes (but making no substitutions surprisingly), the Han came to have great possession but few chances. It was the great build-up for yet another come-from-behind win. After dallying with the ball, Choi Jincheol led up a long ball to An Pilrip, who saw a golden opportunity. He beat the defense and from far out, he knocked the ball up and into the net. The equalizer was just the impetus that helped propel the Han up. Four minutes later, An Pilrip would lead a corner kick, finding Kim Daeeui unprotected in the box, who slapped the ball neatly into the far corner. It was 3-2 with 3 minutes left in time, and the Bazalopes made a desperate dash for their timely equalizer. At that time, Wentland were winning 1-0, so a draw against Bazalonia would have been enough to send them through. But Ioshido and the Han were not content to giving up a little pride for mercy, and the whistle blew out for an exhilarating 3-2 win.

Yes! That's it! That's the one!

They look dangerous. They might win. Or they might not. Might as well send the video on to Carandirú City, just in case.

Watch - and never interfere.

But that doesn't mean they can't give the national squad a little bit of extra scouting help every now and then.

Monks Thumped
Starblaydia hammer Archregimancy as both-a progressa

Lex Panarii's Starblaydia team proved any doubters wrong as they stormed into the Second Round of the World Cup by thrashing The Archregimancy by five goals to two in Septentrionalis. Doubts had crept in to the World Champions' title challenge after a two-nil loss to Kura-Pelland, ranked ninth in the world and Semi-Finalists last time, marking Panarii's fourth defeat in his four-and-a-bit-more years as manager of Starblaydia. The partnership of Callind and Di Bradini up front, barring the misfire against Kura-Pelland, seems to have re-ignited into a barnstorming performance.

Starblaydia's champion squad took the fight from the outset to the Desert Fathers, who were looking to qualify for the last sixteen for the second time in succession. Ranked twenty-third in the world - and arguably at their best for a long time - The Archregimancy stood top of Group H with two wins from two games. Starblaydia were still in the qualification zone of the top two, but only because of their goal difference over Kura-Pelland, who also had three points from their two games.

The opening was fairly even. First the Desert Fathers began with a two hour long hymn, but that was mostly before the stadium began to fill up before the match, so nothing too boring for the crowd and audience at home who were not of Orthodox persuasion. By way of a more bestial and pagan reply, Starblaydia performed their Raiigar, the ancient Starblaydi war dance. Denounced in a pre-match statement by Father Epiphanius of Cyfrus as a heathen and barbarian practice, he confronted the Starblaydi captain Batou Nakamura and led his team in reciting a blessing of his own. There were a tense few moments as both pre-match traditions came to a head, but it only led to some good TV. The Archregimancy-based video file sharing site, BlessYouTube, currently as it as the #1 most viewed file of the past few days as fans from around the Orthodoxy tune in to see Father Epiphanius 'taking it to the heathens', while other fans call it 'reminiscent of the Raiigar Versus the Ulek' clip from the opening Qualification match of World Cup 38.

The battle soon transferred to the confines of ninety minutes, however, and it was Batou Nakamura who struck first. Early in the match he broke through the high back four of the Desert Fathers, rounded the onrushing Father Epiphanius and slotted the ball home from around five yards, whirling away with a roar. The Father got to his feet and prayed for forgiveness, something Father Macarius the Egyptian appeared to give him, patting him gently on the shoulder by way of commiseration. The best form of recovery, however, was for Father Postumianus the Biographer to net the equaliser just five minutes later, pouncing on Jaime Kuu being up-field, cutting inside the challenge of Drakkiborgo, bursting into the penalty area and drilling it low into the far corner past Westwood.

Starblaydia reimposed their lead after half an hour with a goal from Ricky England, his fifth for Starblaydia. Out wide on the right he looked up, saw the top corner and flashed in a shot from distances that would really have a coach yelling at him to get closer and cross it instead. Somehow - even he seemed astounded by it - the ball took a ballistic path to perfectly squeeze in under the bar and inside the post, away from Father Epiphanius' late-reaction dive to the audacious shot.

Starblaydia had to waiting until the middle of the second half for their dominance to bring further marks on the scoresheet, Father Macarius the Egyptian stood too far off Diamontii Di Bradini, allowing the young graduate time to take the ball, turn and drive to goal, accelerating past the spiritual centre-back. Once she was away there was no catching her and she sidefooted the ball home past Epiphanius. The game changed into attack and counter-attack by both sides, with The Archregimancy hitting the bar, followed by Starblaydia bringing a great save from Epiphanius in quick succession. Striker Rufinius, one of the few professional footballers in the team, clawed it back to three-two when Starblaydia's defence was stretched on the break, the New Ascetic forward clinically finished to show just why The Archregimancy were back in the World Cup again.

Starblaydi substitute Lubii took herself to just a single goal away from equalling the all-time Starblaydi record of 59 international goals in what is surely her last tournament to make it four-two, while Diamontii Di Bradini completed the rout shortly after as every shot appeared to produce a goal. The match petered out as news of Lovisa's One-Nil scoreline against Kura-Pelland filtered through. As Archregimancy fans prayed for that game to stay in the Lovisan's favour, Starblaydia took their foot off the gas to prepare for their upcoming knockout match. The game finished 5-2, and both sides will be looking to make it through to the Quarter-Finals, though The Archregimancy have former World Champions Capitalizt SLANI to contend with.

Final Score from Complexe SR Banque Économique (85,300):
The Archregimancy 2 - 5 Starblaydia
(Ephraim 20, Rufinius 71) - (Nakamura 14, England 33, D. Di Bradini 64 & 85, Lubii 82)

It wasnt a good come back to final, Lovisa only win one match with Kura-Pelland and lost 2, and out in tournament.

The coach says we cant aspect a great come back, coz our team was in crisis, but now this crisis is over, so next World cup will be beeter for Lovisan team.

---An airport in Cafundéu.. somewhere---

Dear Diary

I wonder if I'll get charged for writing this, too? But first, to business. Since arriving safely in Cafundéu, I decided to read my previous diary entries while waiting for something to happen. It would appear that I was rather disturbed, no, not the right word. Weird. Weird works. It would appear I was rather weird, probably due to hitting my face off that coconut tree, a lack of proper nutrition, a lack of proper drinking water and being out in the sun way too much. I always thought being out in the sun too much gave me really bad headaches and made me feel sick, but I see no mention of me feeling headachey and sick.

Turns out that after checking my personal belongings, I had a phone on me (and now it's turned on, at least 50 messages from someone saying "Ring me x"). Though I mustn't have had a signal on what I've now figured out is Ile 984 in Septentrionie, thanks to the maps in the airport highlighting the countries hosting the WC, and also to a rough sketch I appeared to have drawn. Then again, I probably forgot I had my phone.

Speaking of the airport, I arrived here, and asked someone where the Bostopian Embassy was, as I had no idea where I was, except I knew it wasn't Bostopia. He asked me to pay for the answer. So I paid him, and got told Bostopia didn't have an embassy, but we were apparently doing well in the World Cup. He then told me that I could try the Bostopia Airways desk as they might have contact information. He asked me to pay for telling me further information, and added a gratuity charge for the compliment and him speaking my language – which to be fair was nice of him. Of course I paid him (I'd already exchanged my money into Vintems, which unsurprisingly I had to pay service charges for), and thanked him for his help.

The Bostopia Airways desk had unfortunately closed (the man told me he would have told me the operating hours for a small fee), so I'm sat on these chairs, paying a “chair charge” every half hour. As much as I love capitalism for taking money off stupid people, this takes the biscuit. While I'm not exactly a genius, I'm seriously expecting to hear someone talking about paying their “breathing tax” or “looking at the trees tax” or “death tax” or something ridiculous like that.

I did consider going outside to find out where the Bostopian national team were, but then saw two men on the door taking money off people leaving. I suppose sliding doors need to be maintained and someone has to pay for it mind. And cleaned. And oiled. It's starting to a make sense. Anyway, I saw official looking people getting around basically for free, so I'm hoping that one of them recognise me and take me to the right people.

For a small fee...

The King of Jeruselem was watching Princess Jacinta Sasha Dallas and Princess Marie-Antoinette Dallas playing Tennis. The aggressive Marie was in contrast to the lazy Jacinta who was getting smashed around the court. The phone rang indicating a call from Bostopia.

King: Hello, Kate ...
Kate: Hey, how are things?
King: Apart from Marie causing diplomatic headaches, fine.
Kate: Oh, that incident with guy's nuts being set on fire.

King: Yes, that. At least she didn't cut someone's head off.
Kate: Actually, I'm sure Marie is quite capable of that.
King: Nah, she prefers to torture idiots.
Kate: Is Mum coming home?

King: Yes, your Mum is coming home. Another troublemaker.
Kate: No, we cause trouble - Mum just bumbles into trouble.
King: You lot seem to do well out these problems you cause.
Kate: Well, one has to famous for something.

King: How is Dopey?
Kate: She's fine apart from being unable to walk.
King: Not depressed or feeling sorry for herself?
Kate: She's fine! I think she's too stupid to be depressed.

King: So how is Peter?
Kate: Stressed, I think the kids are too smart for the both of them.
King: So what you doing there?
Kate: I'm doing some babysitting.

King: Hey, you realise Sorthern Northland made the 2nd round.
Kate: Yeah, well done to them.
King: I mean Marie's dare ...
Kate: Oh that! Was she shocked?

King: Well, yes. She wasn't expecting them to make the 2nd round.
Kate: So she has to turn up on TV just wearing a garland of Pistachio nuts.
King: Yes, but she's probably used to doing stuff like that.
Kate: Now what makes you think that!

King: Ask your mother, she has a lot of explaining to do.
Kate: Well, I'm just keeping Hikfie's kids under control here. They do listen when I shout at them.
King: I guess someone who cut someone's head off is not someone to ignore.
Kate: I guess so!

King: Better leave you with the kids there.
Kate: Have to make lunch, these kids eat a lot.
King: Are they fat?
Kate: No, they are very active. I reckon we could see them in a World Cup!

King: Anyway, take care of yourself.
Kate: Yeah, I need to get more milk.

<Kate hangs up>

Henry: Dad!
King: Hello son, what you doing here?
Henry: When is grandma turning up?
King: Oh, you mean Dazza ... tomorrow.

Henry: I miss her, she tells a lot of nice stories!
King: Yes, she does have lot of interesting things to tell.
Henry: Although, most involve her losing her pants. Actually, Mum isn't that different.
King: Neither are those two ...

Henry: She says she'll teach me how to talk to girls.
King: I'm sure you'll learn a lot.
Henry: I'm sure to be an expert - like you getting Mum.
King: No, wrong way round. She got me, I didn't get her.

The Bassabook Baritone
No, they haven't built it yet.

Rezörk City, United Island Empires: I went to the Stade du Dauphin, only to find out that the football match was no longer scheduled to be there. And when I tried to find out where exactly Zwangzug would play its final game of the group, I wound up right here.

It took me a while to figure out what happened in the game, not like it deserved to be watched anyway. Apparently, Jeruselem (Zwangzug's opponents) have drawn international ire for a double standard in regards to gender, aristocracy, public nudity, and the World Cup. There is so much wrong with it I don't know where to begin. The public nudity would be a good idea, though. Then there's the heads of state who have nothing more important to care about than football. The aristocracy's somewhat more annoying to the rest of Zwangzug than it is down here, but even leftists agree that double standards are bad, and that fighting discrimination with discrimination is also bad.

Rohit Sharma, notably, agrees. And it was Rohit Sharma who started the goalscoring in the wild match. A frigid wind (that's what I heard, anyway) disrupted both defenses at Béatrice Mercure's field in northern Septentrionia. Few fans fit there, and many of them were throwing pistachio nuts at the Jeruselem squad. Defender John Kranzoy deflected several, but not Sharma's nineteenth minute shot: Zwangzug were one-nil ahead. The lead ballooned in the thirty-first minute. With the wind at his back, Muus Jurin's shot sailed into the goal. But Jeruselem needed to win to advance, and attacked relentlessly. Na Ling's charge after charge were thwarted. That is, until the thirty-seventh minute, when he cut the lead down to one.

After halftime, it was Jeruselem with the wind at their back, and they seized the advantage. Jennifer Sloan scored in the fifty-third minute, but Zwangzug took the lead once again. An errant Beth Bootin shot was not booted in, and Natasha Keller seized control of the midfield, passing to Sharma for his second goal. A desperate Jeruselem charged onwards, the wind at their back, and it paid off. In the eighty-fifth minute, Ling's endurance paid off with another goal. He'd never given up, and the attack was successful enough for Jeruselem. Four points saw them join Zwangzug in the second round, thanks to the Rennidan Eagles' defeat of Tynelia.

Zwangzug will next face the Golden Wolves of Yafor 2, where three national team starters play. Yafor 2 was second in group E, behind Vephrall and above Septentrionia and Prux. Midfielder Mitchell Kernkraft was particularly disappointed at not getting the chance to play Prux, but was somewhat assuaged upon learning that it was not, in fact, a zombie nation.

World Cup Qualification - Group 5
MD1: vs Gerainia (3-1) (@ Gwangdong Imperial Sports Complex and Stadium, Gwangju)
MD2: @ Ad'ihan (1-2) (@ Protectorate Stadium, Ad'ihan)
MD3: vs Universitus University (3-1) (@ King Kim Iljei Memorial Football Stadium, Malnira)
MD4: @ kenavt (4-1) (@ Granderson Stadium)
MD5: vs Lingdinis Insania (3-0) (@ Sanhaemun Football Stadium, Jinhwangdo)
M6: @ Kura-Pelland (0-3)
MD7: -bye-
MQ: vs Taeshan (1-0) (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD8: @ Gerainia (2-0)
MD9: vs Ad'ihan (1-1) (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD10: @ Universitus University (1-0)
MD11: vs kenavt (3-0) (@ Goguryeo Football Stadium, Hanseong)
MD12: @ Lingdinis Insania (5-1)
MD13: vs Kura-Pelland (1-0) (@ Cha Beomgeun Memorial Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD14: -bye-
World Cup 42 - Group B
MD1: vs Wentland (8) @ Gigantão, Santo Galvão (2-0)
MD2: vs Sorthern Northland (32) @ Estádio Nacional dos Cocos, Porto Lacruz (1-1)
MD3: vs Bazalonia (5) @ Maracatuzão, Dunboor (3-2)
R16: vs The Holy Empire (25) @ Presídio, Carandirú City


=== The Island ===

"Emperor! We've found Emperor Boston!"

The Emperor had an early wake-up call that day. Mostly because everyone else on the ship had the same early wake-up call too, but also because there was a loud sound that morning - like fighters taking off. Commodore Yi said that the pilots tried to be a little quiet, but then again, planes aren't typically renowned for their silence during take-off. But now some news - apparently the good type too.

"Where is he?" the Emperor asked.

"Cafundeu." Okay, not so good news.

"How did the Hwarang find him there?"

"Well, believe it or not - he was found drunk at an airport. And some man was picking his pockets every hour. I'm guessing that would be the tax-collector."

"Tax-collector?" Emperor Yeongmu was a bit confused by that remark.

Yun nodded in return. "In Cafundeu, they tax you for everything. Apparently, our agents saw him sleeping in a chair that was taxed for its services. And the poor chap wasn't awake to pay, so the tax-collector has to take the liberty of collecting the taxes somehow."

"And they don't know that he's the Emperor of Bostopia?"

"Apparently not."

Yeongmu was a little disturbed that someone as profiled as Emperor Boston could appear and disappear just as easily as he had been doing. "Oh well. What about Sheridan?"

"He's doing well. Lemay is still talking to Captain Sang about a possible war with Bostopia, but aside from that, he's doing fine as well."

He sighed, as Yun stood ready to hear the Emperor's worries. "How are we going to resolve this amicably?"

"To be blunt, I'm not sure if we want to be amicable at this point."

"What?"

"We have two national leaders in our custody. We're trying to get a third back home, and at the moment, I think we're sitting geese in a pond right here. We need to take action before something bad happens to us."

"Like what?"

"Well, we've found Septentrionien pilots invading the airspace over us, and we shot them down... well, actually, they were flying their plane a little low, and ran into a flock of seagulls. They abandoned their plane at almost the same time as the plane crashed into the sea. We're picking them up right now from jellyfish-infested waters, and we're planning to bring them to meet with President Lemay."

"Oh, this shit just gets more and more complicated every minute..." The Emperor went upstairs to the Bridge, where Captain Sang, President Lemay, and the two puffy pilots were already in a meeting. It seems that they had only just started.

"These two pilots said that they were the ones who brought Boston to Cafundeu," Sang reported. "Lemay also said that the pilots are going to be washing his water closets."

"Washing his water closets? They have closets made for holding water?"

"Actually, I think he may mean bathroom, or he could mean water house."

"Get to the point, Captain Sang."

"Actually, no - he definitely said World Cup."

"The pilots are going to be washing the World Cup." The Emperor gazed up at Captain Sang, knowing that this was wrong. "Brilliant," he added unimpressed with the skills of his only viable translator.

"Well, that's what I heard. He said World Cup. Abbreviated of course."

"I'll believe it when I see it. I'd like to know how we can reach an amenable solution with the President."

Sang did the translation again, and Lemay gave his reply. "Let me go and I'll cut you a deal."

"What deal?"

Sang relayed the message: "If you let me go, I'll - " He waited for Lemay to finish his response. "I'll give you this Island 984 for free!"

"That's not a deal."

Sang told Lemay that the deal was declined, and received a mouthful of words. "I must go back to my house, so I must defeat the Bostopian cheerleaders!"

Yun suddenly interjected. "What on earth was that?"

"What do you mean?"

Commodore Yi looked out the bridge window. "Your Majesty, one of our ships is firing upon us!"

The Emperor grabbed his head. "Please tell me that's not the one on which Sheridan is staying."

"It's not."

"Please tell me that you're not lying."

"I'm not."

"Please tell me that we're going to bring that ship back under control."

"We will."

"Goodness..."

"The ship just fired all of its missiles, and they're heading for Septentrionie!!!"

"Please tell me we can abort the missiles."

"Ummmmm... we can?"

The Emperor sighed and walked out to the ledge of the bridge, overlooking the tarmac. He watched the awesome display of some 24 missiles heading off for some distant land in Septentrionie. The only thing that he was hoping at this point was that the missiles were too far away from land to do anything. But judging by his luck this far, they probably weren't. He went back inside after he couldn't see the tails of his missiles, calmly issuing an order to Commodore Yi - "I want President Sheridan locked in a cage and securely secured so that he doesn't scratch a single itch unless I give him permission."

"Yes, Emperor."

"And as for these talks with Lemay... I need a break."

Late Evening, Zwangzugian Practice Facility, Somewhere in Septentrionia

The team was scattering after practice. In the stands, Audrey Deguela was squinting at an approaching Yaforite. "Hey," she called teasingly, "No stealing tactics!"

The Yaforite (being Prince Sebard, her somewhat-on-somewhat-off-romantic partner), grinned slightly in response. "Good to see you too, Audrey." He was less tan than usual and, instead of his equipment, he was only wearing a jacket with the Golden Wolves logo. "Long time no see. How's it been without me?" There was a certain jaunt to his speech, but also a certain sadder edge.

She smiled more broadly than she had intended, and quickly narrowed her mouth. "Well enough."

"Yeah, it's been pretty much the same with me." The nonchalance, had it indeed been there, had vanished entirely from Prince Sebard's voice. "You heard about my back, I'm sure." He shrugged, referring to his injury. It would have surprised him if she hadn't heard of him - as far as he knew, he wasn't unpopular, by any means, in Zwangzug itself.

Indeed, Sebard had done nothing to deserve unpopularity, but few foreign footballers were easily recognizable in Zwangzug. His compatriot Marish Patriin was more well known-playing for Spenson Suburbia helped that-but any such considerations were meaningless in Audrey's case. She nodded quietly, unconsciously biting her lip.

"That's pretty much my reaction too. I mean, sure, I'm injured and all, but there's got to be a silver lining, you know?" He had almost stopped addressing her - his eyes were floating out to the pitch and he was staring out, almost beyond the edge of the stadium, towards the sun, setting, in the distance. "There has to be a silver lining..." His voice had almost trailed away as he repeated his previous words.

As long as you're convinced, Audrey thought darkly. Angry at herself yet not knowing what to say, she reached towards his hand with her own. Maybe just being there was what she needed to do.

His reaction was both instantaneous and unconscious. Her hand slowly reached towards his. Without thinking, Prince Sebard, the greatest footballer of his generation, a player who others had been in awe of for his entire career, when he had begun as a brash youngster to now, grasped the hand of Audrey Deguela. He did not let go, but simply stared once more into the distance, watching the setting sun, the warmth of her hand flowing into his. There was something comforting about her presence, about her hand on his, about her, well, being there. And so, Prince Sebard didn't speak, but only held her offered hand.

Audrey relaxed a little, letting her eyes wander around the practice stadium. Half of its lights had already been turned off, and the away bleachers were cast in various levels of shadow. It was a clear night, and the sun left a smooth fade in the low sky.

But enough of this kind of talk." There was a certain longing in the voice of Prince Sebard, as if he wanted to continue the conversation, but at the same time, did not. His grip on Audrey's hand tightened as he turned to face her again. "How have you been? I haven't talked to you since you sent me that letter in the middle of qualifying." For some reason, Audrey Deguela had decided not to use more high-tech forms of communication and her letters to Prince were among the highlights of his day - especially her signature, which he regarded as unnecessarily ornate, for several reasons.

"I've been good," she said truthfully. "I got to meet a distant cousin of mine when he came to Zwangzug, which was really fun...then his team lost to Spenson Suburbia, which sort of sucked. I keep busy."

Prince laughed, his laughter both infectious and utterly genuine. "I know you'll be surprised, but - God! - I've really missed you, Audrey." He chuckled again, staring her directly in the face and, in a split second, he made his choice. He would ask the question. He would. "Audrey, there's something slightly important I want to talk to you about."

Slightly startled, she turned towards him, her voice rapidly rising inasmuch as it could in a single syllable. "Oh?

"I really don't know how I'm supposed to phrase this." His nervousness was eminently at the fore of the conversation. "I've never done it before, you see." It was a bad joke and did nothing to lower the sudden silence in the empty arena. The last rays of sunlight began to reach their tendrils across the practice field and, to Prince Sebard, it suddenly felt just right. Moving down onto his knees, Prince Sebard stared up into the face of the girl sitting alongside him. "Audrey Deguela, I don't know how to ask this, so I'm going to just say it straight out." He swallowed, and then spoke again. "Will you marry me?" The silence of the arena was deafening.

"Deafening" was an all-too appropriate description, as Audrey froze, containing her shock only by stillness. Had she heard him right? She didn't want to make a fool of something like this, yet she only had one chance. His lighthearted joke now seemed unnervingly apt.

But then again, that was love, from what she knew of it. Sharing everything, living through each other's bests and worsts. Others' formality could only go so far. "Yes," she stammered, but heard it as if it had flown gracefully from her mouth.

[OOC: This is a joint post between Zwangzug and myself, done over IRC. Therefore RP bonus ought to be allotted equally or however the hosts wish it.]

Jeruselem Government News

Curse of the Red-headed Hos?

Match day 3 in the World Cup 42 looked bad for Jeruselem. During World Cup 41, Jeruselem crashed out and didn't make the 2nd round but this time round - the Gods were on our side.

Between the match day 2 and 3, there was a big spat about International human rights and double standards. Jeruselem got supported by some and hated by others over a party incident. It seemed Jeruselem were about crash out and have an International problem chasing them around.

Ad'ihan attacked Jeruselem for it's human rights - and it beat The Holy Empire 4-2 but it wasn't enough. The Holy Empire clung onto 2nd spot in Group A via goal difference with host Cafundeu topping the group. One down.

Jeruselem critics human rights Daehanjeiguk (aka the Han) and Bazalonia clashed in Group B. The Han beat Bazalonia 3-2 and topped the group but that also pushed Bazalona back 3rd allowing Southern Northland to cling to 2nd spot despite beating them losing to Wentland 1-0. The two critics had play each other the nation which started the spat, lost to the other team who picked up the attack later. Two down, one survived.

Now, since SN maked the 2nd round - Princess Marie-Antoinette Dallas is now forced to turn up TV naked except for a garland of Pistachio nuts because she made some bet on it.

Group C - Bostopia who supported Jeruselem in an odd time! They beat the brave Dancougar 2-1 to top the group with three wins. Maggie helped Milchama win their game to come 2nd in Group C. 1 UP.

Group D - Qazox withdrew it's support for Jeruselem in a subtle way at what cost? Qazox lost to the Elves and needed our Jeru FC to draw with Jasīʼyūn. Jeru FC didn't actually try to lose but they fell short and lost the game 2-3. Three down.

Group E - Septentrionia have never liked Jeruselem that much, and are still nut throwing. The co-host drew with Yafor 2 2 ALL but Veprall who had already qualified, drew with the zombies NIL ALL. Meaning Yafor 2 took 2nd spot on virtue of better goals scored since goal difference was the same at zero. Four down. Vephrall did put in a nude protest by playing nude as well as the fans so one critic survived.

Group F - We were expected to lost to ZwangZug (or ZwungZag according to Marie). Managing a 3 ALL draw is great achievement,but Tynelia just buckled under the expectation to draw or win. Rennidan won 3-1 and we got ahead on goal difference. 2 UP.

Group G
No one here was involved with the spat but the SLANI made it and C&M also made it at the expense of Bettia and Demot. well done C&M.

Group H - The Monks oddly have supported us for once! Despite losing to the Purple Menace 5-2 they progressed because of two wins. The Purple Menace's win pushed them to the top of the group. Three UP

So, four countries which attacked Jeruselem failed to make the 2nd round - only the Han and Vephrall made it. Two countries which didn't like us - gave some support and made it. People maybe scared of Maggie but maybe there's one more name be scared off - Dazza.

Vephrall in a sorts protested against us, by the team and fans going nude to protest which is weird as they normally complain about our team's nudity issues. Guess who we play next? THEM. For the record, Jeruselem will not play playing nude since having 22 players playing nude will just confuse the ref. And it might be a little cold, so Jeruselem will not be nude.

* * OFFICIAL PRESS RELEASE * *
Phortoaptaanger Parbisack er Clenoncyg Vephrall / Office of the Prime Minister of the Commonwealth of Vephrall

RE: The Jeruselem Incident

As there seems to be some confusion among the foreign media currently regarding the Commonwealth's stance on the recent events in Jeruselem, it has become clear that some clarification is necessary.

The Vephrese government passes no judgment, either positive or negative, on the royal family of Jeruselem or their application of the rule of law within that nation. We feel that it is not our place to dictate how other nations should be run, and would indeed be rather incensed should someone do such toward Vephrall.

The decision made by the Vephrese citizens currently staying in Septentrionia to participate in Han-sponsored protests regarding the aforementioned matter was one of those citizens alone. We do request that the members of the national football team not participate in any such protests again, as while they do not directly represent the government of Vephrall, it has become apparent that many foreigners may believe that they do. All other Vephrese citizens, provided they are not affiliated with the government, are free to do as they please.

We do apologize for this misunderstanding and assure you that the government of Vephrall is not a "critic" of Jeruselem or its royal family.

Signed,
Claspung Wilopteere
Prime Minister of the Commonwealth of Vephrall

To: Phortoaptaanger Parbisack er Clenoncyg Vephrall / Office of the Prime Minister of the Commonwealth of Vephrall
From: Lady Dazzarina Handiskya Dallas, Queen Mother of Jeruselem

We thank your honour for clarification of your position and the nation's about the recent incident in Jeruselem. We hope our team's football game in the second round of the World Cup 42 in Septentrionia will be about pure football and not about the recent events. Whether your team plays nude or not doesn't bother us (as you should know by now), but it's all about the motivation. We accept you position and take your position a neutral bystander as it is. One cannot always be responsible for the actions of all our citizens.

My daughters like are fiesty characters with sense of purpose. We have madness to our methods whether anyone else understands that madness or not. We are incident prone, as you know. Let's hope Vephrall and Jeruselem have a great football game in Septentrionia, and it is free of politics. The World Cup is about harmony and not conflict. Yes, there can be only one winner but that's football and that's life.

There better things to talk about like the missing Bostopian Emperor and Han doing funny things on an island. I've spoken that "Bob" character and he's now a new man. He's keen for a makeover and to be best Dad in the world without alcohol. His poor daughter isn't very smart, but I'm going to give her a nice job to make her happy since no one want to employ people with mental disabilities in Jeruselem (apart from say that Sadie Dallas). I'm a social drinker generally, I don't drink at home except for a few small glasses after dinner. Some take drink to the extreme and it's sad for these people and their families. Admittedly, all my kids were caused by me being drunk and ... you know but I don't that too often.

That's it! Good luck with the future. Since my Marie got me kicked out Qazox, I'm a free-agent and available if you wish probe the matter further.

God bless Vephrall, or something like that.

Lady Dazzarina Handiskya Dallas of Jeruselem
Queen mother of Jeruselem

A Statement of Clarification

By the Holy Synod of the Archregimancy

Dear heathens, schismatics, Messiah-deniers, atheists, pagans, and assorted other sinners,

Confusion seems to have met the Archregimancy's recent statement of support for the government of Jeruselem's decision to punish an individual engaging in the terrible sin of PUBLIC NUDITY.

While we fully support the punishment of the individual concerned, we wish to make it clear that this does not mean we condone public nudity on the part of the Royal Family of Jeruselem, who are BASE AND VILE SINNERS for continuing to engage in HARLOTRY AND ADULTERY. We were of the impression that the commandment 'Though Shall Not Commit Adultery' applied equally to Jews and Christians of all persuasions, and could only be so wilfully ignored by Hell-bound SATANISTS.

Therefore, despite our support for the punishment of this one individual, we would like to clarify that we would also support the punishment of the Dallas women for their life of INVIDIOUS SIN. Glueing their shameful and wanton breasts together with superglue and setting the glue on fire would seem to be a good place to start; or at least a fair one.

We close this statement with a quote from St. Paul's First Letter to the Corinthians (with selections bolded for emphasis) which further demonstrates our feelings on this matter, along with a denial that this is any way an attempt to distract the footballing world from our thrashing at the hands of the pagan Starblaydis or impending difficult match against the MONEY-WORSHIPPING WHOREMONGERS of the Capitalizt SLANI.

Yours in Christ,

The Holy Synod of the Archregimancy +

1 Corinthians 6

9 Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,

10 Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.

11 And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God.

12 All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.

13 Meats for the belly, and the belly for meats: but God shall destroy both it and them. Now the body is not for fornication, but for the Lord; and the Lord for the body.

14 And God hath both raised up the Lord, and will also raise up us by his own power.

15 Know ye not that your bodies are the members of Christ? shall I then take the members of Christ, and make them the members of an harlot? God forbid.

16 What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh.

17But he that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit.

18Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.

19What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?

20For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's.

Jeruselem Government News

Princess Marie responds to Monks

When asked about the clarification from the Holy Synod of the Archregimancy, Princess Marie-Antoinette Dallas didn't make her usual rambling statement but she responded with a cryptic response and smiled, saying nothing else


They sacrifice upon the tops of the mountains, and burn incense upon the hills, under oaks and poplars and elms, because the shadow thereof is good: therefore your daughters shall commit whoredom, and your spouses shall commit adultery.

I will not punish your daughters when they commit whoredom, nor your spouses when they commit adultery: for themselves are separated with whores, and they sacrifice with harlots: therefore the people that doth not understand shall fall.

Though thou, Israel, play the harlot, yet let not Judah offend; and come not ye unto Gilgal, neither go ye up to Bethaven, nor swear, The LORD liveth.

Jeruselemites should recognise this as Hosea 4:13-15 in the King James bible. Many of press were shocked the Princess had actually read a bible, let alone quote anything from it but a little known fact has surfaced from the St Mary's Catholic Girls School. Dazza, Marie-Antoinette, Kate and Jacinta Dallas regularly won bible quoting contests against the best in the school with no one able to beat them quoting Revelations.

It is unclear whether Marie named Jeruselem as Israel or Judah, since at the time of Hosea - the Holy Land was split into Israel and Judah. Most would interprete the modern state of Jeruselem as Israel and not Judah.

"Not those darn Milchama people again, we always seems to against those guys even when the odds are heavily stacked in our favor."

"But you forget my dear general, we wiped the floor with them in this stage last tournament. There is nothing to fear, we have a clear path to the final so long as the lads and lasses play up to their abilities. That Razov is proving exceptionally good in the pressure situations, I mean that brace he had against Qazox was simply brilliant." the calm Delariun Martoip said.

He and General Duke were waiting in the VFA headquarters in Raynor City for the representatives from Vephrall to arrive. Despite the bid to host the upcoming World Cup already in place, the two sides still had many issues that needed to be hammered out, with the news of the WCC going missing making the matter that more urgent as voting is set to begin in a matter of days.

"How do you think the Vephrese are going to react to our request to host the Final should our bid be accpeted?"

"Well I think it should not be too much of a huge matter, as it is evident that we have the better of the stadia between the two nations. That said, the Vephrese do have a huge amount of pride, so you might want to provide some sort concession to get it done Martoip. Perhaps something in the likes that if they make it to the Final and we do not, that if be in Vephrall and not Valanora?"

"I'll consider it, I just wish they would hurry up and get here. Even I get restless when being asked to wait far beyond that what I should be. Where the hell do they think they are, or what happened to the WCC president?"

"They are probably finding our methods of transportation not to thier likely and will be arriving shortly. As for the President, I don't know honestly, though the only one who likely does is the President himself. If I had to hazard a guess, I would think that he was possibly kidnapped by those wild Casarans. Ever since they handed over their government to Bostopia, that place became even worse than what it was to begin with, with their people completely out of control."

"Well, whatever the case, I do hope that the matter is resolved shortly and he is found safely. It would also go a long way towards our bid if both of our nations can make it another round or even to the semis. Wouldn't that be something, we meeting in the 3PPo or Final? Oh what a storyline that would be!"

The Gassett Candelariasian Online: Khatib – Gassett – Rose of Sharon – The Northeast – The Candelarias – The World>Sport>Football

Controversy abounds as Big Blues plough into sweet sixteen It may not have provoked an international incident – and the numbers of Candelariasians in the Complexe SR Banque Économique who could be prized away from their Y-fronts in solidarity with practitioners of physical freedom the world over were perfunctory at best – but C&M’s final group stage game at the forty-second World Cup still ended with an incident that would have provoked a furore, were not their Demotian opponents not such jolly nice people.

The eighty-second minute, with C&M still trailing to Vahala Quan’s powerful first-half header, was a fine time to be a fascist. Still grinning ear-to-ear after securing a third seat in the House last May; nationalist viewers back home were gifted the opportunity to deride the moral values of some of our most loyal and hard-working citizens – recent immigrants – when Dionísio Madeira Lobos fell in the box. Replays showed clearly that the Central City-born midfield star had barely been touched by Nikali Delaruse, and both the Petardos S/A full-back and Dionísio’s former countryman Renário howled in protest after Oliver Valdor pointed to the spot. And, though the move may have involved a Cohen, Siriwong and Madeira Lobos; the equaliser was put away by a Smith – and one hailing originally from the long-time far-right stronghold of Green Island, at that.

The Big Blues held on manfully, and might well have even nicked all three points towards the very end, Smith blazing over in the first minute of stoppage time. KPB rankings aside, it wouldn’t have made any practical difference however – with a draw, Kris Healy’s men were already through to the last sixteen; the first time C&M have achieved this off their own backs and without relying on the random plucking of balls.

The Demot team and officials were magnanimous in what amounted to a defeat, and on the strength of the game overall they could have had few complaints. The post-match statistics told their own story – the possession might have been Demot’s, but C&M had the advantage in shots both on and off target. The simple fact that Tom Smith is a long way from being the second coming of Ignacio Vélez stopped the Big Blues from equalising much sooner, though Dionísio was also guilty of a certain amount of profligacy. The Caires City man, following his heroics against Bettia, had something of an off night, compared to the stability offered by Niv Cohen and the invention of Jamie González.

Healy defended his player, already a divisive figure after his shock call-up for the thirty-third Cup of Harmony, from accusations of diving; but even he admitted the Krytenian’s referee’s decision had been “somewhat on the soft side”. His speed to point out the shoving in the box from Ian Jones’ thirty-second minute corner, during which time the Manju midfielder Quan was able to steal in and plant a firm header past Joel Sbaïz, was more than a little disingenuous given the regrettable universality of such incidents; though Julius Rotherwell had clearly held his Albrecht Turkish team-mate Steven Williams’ arm, and the C&M defender only narrowly kept his feet. He might well have done better to fall.

In all however, the defence played admirably once more, with Williams and Enrique Silva de Aviz barely allowing Rotherwell a sniff. No less vital were the overworked full-backs – William Burgos winning his fifty-sixth senior cap on the right, and God’s Power Adekunde making his first competitive start, in place of the suspended Ciaran Kelly. Though Cruril Songsteel made a mug of the Port of Clotaire left-back for technique on more than one occasion, the surprise squad pick had arguably the decisive moment of the game mid-way into the second period – a sublime saving tackle on Songsteel which, a split-second either way, would have seen either a second Demot goal or a red card. Tongue-in-cheek chants of “There’s only one Adekunde” reigned down on the new man, who could well have done enough to keep his place in the next round.

Smith’s penalty then rescued C&M – an ill-deserved way to secure a deserved point – but Healy was still quick to condemn an overall lack of cohesion from his side, and a few individual sloppy mistakes. Starblaydia represent a daunting task then but, after emerging undefeated from their group, C&M must have the confidence to at least give the reigning cup holders a real game.

C&M face biggest AO test of them all The dominance of Atlantian Oceanian at the World Cup may, from a parochial Candelariasian perspective, be a little overstated – following the Val-Profond clash; of the eleven World Cup finals matches C&M will have played, only the since failed state of Squornshelous were located from beyond the AO. Fourteen of the thirty-two finalists were from that region this time around however, and six of the sides into the second round; and Rushmore joins the likes of Greater Prussia and the Starways Congress among those looking to strike a blow for the globe’s smaller footballing regions.

Starblaydia, of course, are the best of the lot – and were in imperious form in crushing the Holy Monastic Republic five-two in their own final group game. Common sense and history alike would not back C&M – the two country’s only previous senior encounter saw Starblaydia emerge with a ‘shock’ two-one victory – but, here and there, there are still a few crumbs of comfort. Lex Panarii’s team have, after all, already lost once – in something of a capitulation against Kura-Pelland. Whether C&M can still be considered to inhabit the same class as their long-time Vircais rivals is questionable (thought at least we can beat Lovisa… occasionally), but the CMSC-based players in the mysterious Kura-Pellandi squad will no doubt be fielding plenty of calls from their Candelariasian team-mates prior to the Starblaydia game. Ignacius Sverus and Panos Petropoulos are also ripe for inside-information-based bullying.

Local lads and ladette in mixed fortunes Rennidan’s exit from the World Cup at the group stage was already confirmed, but a side led from the back by KT Hotspur’s Samual Fortal pulled off one of the shocks of the tournament so far in sending Tynelia crashing out with them. Turks’ Club’s Dana Bloomquist had a watching brief in the group’s other match, as C&M’s qualifying rivals Zwangzug drew three-all with Jeruselem.

Elsewhere, former Turks’ Club favourite Stephen Hill failed to keep out Lovisa, as Kura-Pelland tumbled out of the cup, while Khatib-born Lee Waywide’s Sorthern Northland side live to fight another day despite defeat to Wentland, and now face a clash with the co-hosts Cafundéu. As the Cup of Harmony got underway on Candelariasian shores meanwhile, the Spur’s Tom Darkless lit up the Kaleta Online Dome in Land de Wood’s surprise three-nil victory over KaMaRi.

______________

Later...


They called it ‘The Hole’. Apparently. Mark had never established who the They were, and no-one he shared the unsatisfying-named Cell Block G with ever used the term. Here was simply ‘Here’, and everywhere else beyond the confines of the prison was ‘There’. For some, ‘There’ was but a distant memory, something sampled for barely more than two decades, and never again for two decades more. Others, of course, had spent many hundreds if not thousands of years out ‘There’, before committing one unspeakable crime or another and being interred ‘Here’ for the rest of eternity. But Mark didn’t have much to do with that sort, if he could help it. The possibility of being maddened with the slightest touch, eaten, or otherwise interfered with, rather put him off.

The first manager of the Candelaria And Marquez national football team was about seventy, he thought, and really rather dead, most everyone else thought. Strictly speaking, in the sense of officialdom rather than actual Truth; Mark Baker was several feet under, in a graveyard near the family home near the village of Schille. His remains had been recovered from Albrecht Bay several years after he had vanished following a home game with Jeruselem, with the Big Blues on the verge of qualifying for their first World Cup.

Mark had made many mistakes in his life, but he’d always assumed that a brief affair with a youth team player at Albrecht Turkish was probably going to be the long and short of it, as it were. Attempting to bribe arguably the most powerful government department in the country, having assembled a dossier of conclusive proof that the state had been lying to the Candelariasian people over the existence of all manner of Weirdness – including elves, gnomes and talking mice - for decades, in exchange for several million rupees, had come as a bit of a shock even to Mark. It had backfired rather spectacularly and, after spending a couple of years – give or take, what with time dilation and all – on the run with a particularly curious group of elves and an ape, he had arrived in Valanora and attempted to murder Lyndon Hernández himself.

On reflection, these had all been bad moves, which had landed him Here for the last few months.

And Llewellyn? Mark had never found out what the bwca had done to see him driven out of Bettia, never mind have his refugee status in C&M revoked and been chucked in the Hole. The little creature had had a filthy temper on him, but surely not enough to do anything truly awful… Right?

It probably didn’t matter. After disappearing months ago; Llewellyn was back, and had dragged Mark into a corner and thrust into his hand the very teleporting belty thing that Baker had worn around his waste in the past, along with strict instructions to keep it hidden, and then used it precisely twenty-five hours from now. The co-ordinates – “taking yous to safety, isn’t it?” – had already been laid in. Mark Baker was Leaving the Hole.

Where to, in the long term, once he’d arrived at whatever destination the goblin thought best? Mark wasn’t sure. His wife had long since taken up with another man, he knew, and how was he supposed to explain this to his sons? Turn up with a canoe under one arm and a sheepish grin?

It probably didn’t matter. In twenty-five hours, Mark Baker was Leaving the Hole.

***


Someone wanted the Candelaria And Marquez national football team to win. As mysteries went, it lacked a certain pull.

Not so very long ago, the Big Blues’ hopes of qualifying for the fortieth World Cup had been shattered – literally, on several occasions – by an excessively large number of injuries to the squad, principally bone breaks by experienced internationals. It had transpired eventually that the team’s doctor, under orders from the defence coach, former C&M right-back and barely reformed gambling addict Damien Sono; had withheld the players’ supply of ossifying Verbosita in the hope of helping the team to lose regularly, and in a manner that would support Sono’s big-money, long-odds wagers. The situation came to a head when Sono was paced in temporary charge of the team, during the Cup of Harmony.

Quite why he hadn’t merely picked a bum XI, or what all this had to do with translucent sheep and Swedish priests, never became entirely clear to Lyndon Hernández during the dying days of his tenure as the country’s Minister for Rational Thought, and the matter hadn’t bothered him overly since then. This now, this was rather different. The exact opposite, in fact.

“It’s not right… it just isn’t,” Tracker Edwards muttered as he and Hernández watched the Candelariasian and Starblaydi players warm up on the Arène des Vals pitch. Not that ‘warm-up’ was entirely the right expression, of course, as Lex Panarii’s players watched their counterparts with bemusement. The Big Blues were still bounding about like Spring rolls (or something), expending more energy prior to the game than the Starblaydi side clearly had any intention of doing throughout the entire match.

“If they’re not all off their skulls on RP-inin, I’m a Han…man…” Edwards continued. “And I’ve spoken to Ryan, and the players definitely aren’t in on it. Corradini and a couple of the other veterans are wondering about it a bit, but Speed Wang reckon’s it’s just the mountain air up here.”

Hernández turned sharply. “Wang? So you think he’s the one fiddling with their doses this time?”

“God knows. I would’ve poked around a little further, but the foot-tall goblin thing in the dressing room rather put me off.”

“Mm, I can appreciate. Bwcoid, by the way, I’m guessing. Relative of the brownie. Not really a goblin per se, bu–”

Edwards shook his head. “All I know is that my boy and his contemporaries are sacrificing their long-term health and careers over here, just for… for what? An undefeated record? Another chance to show just how utterly wonderful we are at football? ‘Wouldn’t surprise me if Mc O’Neil’s behind all this…”

“I don’t think he’d care much about that, Tracker. As long as Dionísio’s playing well… Did you read any of the reports of the Demot match, by the way, from back home?”

“Aye, because reading other people’s match reports is exactly what I want to do right now,” Edwards scowled. “But yes, obviously… They’re terrible, aren’t they? They’re mentioning nothing about how inanely hyper the kids’ve been since arriving in Septentrionia.” He paused. “Ah.”

“Mm. Who has the power to influence what every journalist in the Candelarias writes? God,” Hernández spat, “I don’t know what Melbourne’s playing at, but the little bastard’s plotting someth… Speakofthedevil…”

Edwards looked up and followed Hernández’s eyeline, across the stand steadily filling up with late arrivals bedecked in blue-and-green. Those Candelariasians that had placed down their metaphorical beach towels early continued to grumble at the ever-degrading amount of leg room they had been enjoying in a stadium which, while being one of the smaller in the whole World Cup, was still larger than any in C&M bar the Solidarity. Among those sidestepping their way along the stand, Edwards saw the former minister’s eyes come into contact with those of a young man he vaguely recognised.

“Jack!” Hernández called out, as the new figure sidled up to them, “What’ve you got?”

“Not a lot… Melbourne’s trotted off on his own little mission and I –”

“Aren’t you a reporter?” Edwards blurted. “From a Marquez paper?”

“He was,” Hernández confirmed shortly. “He works for me now. Well, Melbourne technically, but…”

“‘But’?” Edwards and Jack De Berlanger said together, as the third man trailed off. The strains of the Starblaydi national anthem, distant up here in the gods, wafted over them “…with the mountains firm at our back, peaks white with snow…”; achingly suitable in this most impressive of settings for a football match.

“What?” Edwards ventured, “We’re being silent for other peoples’ national anthems now…?”

“Tell me, gentlemen,” Hernández said carefully, “My eyesight isn’t what it once was – I should have prescription specs, strictly speaking – but I will be absolutely buggered if that isn’t Minister for Remedial Teaching Joe Melbourne, swinging off the side of one of those yellow flappy roofy bits, and carrying under one arm what can only be described, to use Mr Edwards’ primitive but handy terminology, as a goblin.”

They turned. “Ye-es,” Edwards conceded after a short period of squinting. “Yes, I’d say any another conclusion appears improbable. How the hell is he staying up there, d’you reckon? Crampons?”

“It’s a distinct possibility,” Hernández confirmed gravely and pulling up his sleeves. “Right, I’m not having this. If he thinks he’s going t–”

A disconcerting click over the opening bars of O, Sweet Nation made him stop in his tracks. A few screams from neighbouring C&M supporters didn’t help. He swivelled slowly.

“I’m sorry,” Jack said slowly, his revolver pointing vaguely in the direction of Hernández’s throat. “But I really can’t let you do that.”

*Pumb!*


To be Concluded…

OOC - so, you wanna play hardcore with the Old Testament, do ya.... ;)

ANOTHER STATEMENT OF CLARIFICATION

BY THE HOLY SYNOD OF THE ARCHREGIMANCY

Dear heathens, schismatics, Messiah-deniers, atheists, pagans, and assorted other sinners,

We are greatly amused at the Jeruselem government's quoting of the Holy Prophet St. Hosea (feast day October 17th in the Orthodox church) to justify the HARLOTRY of the DALLAS WHORES. As Princess Marie-Antoinette Dallas is no doubt aware, the Holy Prophet Hosea married the prostitute Gomer, the daughter of Diblaim, at God's command. Perhaps the SINNER Marie-Antoinette wishes to draw a direct connection between the behaviour of the DALLAS WHORES and the wife of the Holy Prophet Hosea.

Yet the Princess quotes Hosea out of context, as many who choose to manipulate Holy Scripture for the purpose of LIES often do.

The use of prostitution as an allegory in the Book of Hosea is as a means to demonstrate that the people of Israel have moved away from the word of the Lord, and are soon to be destroyed by the Assyrians for their sins. Does not the Holy Prophet also write "The people in this land have acted like prostitutes and abandoned the Lord"?

The names of the children of Hosea and Gomer are: Jezreel, whose name means 'God scatters', and whose name stands as a prophecy of the imminent destruction of the Kingdom's ruling house; Lo-ruhamah, whose name means 'unloved' or 'pitied upon'; Lo-ammi, whose name means 'not my people', and whose name stands as a prophecy of God's rejection of the ruling house. Indeed, the names of the children of Hosea and Gomer are practically a living prophecy of the fall of the ruling house and the imminent destruction of the kingdom.

If the Princess Marie-Antoinette Dallas insists on quoting the prophecies of the Holy Prophet Hosea as defence of her own family's HARLOTRY, we can only assume that she is predicting the imminent fall of her own ruling house, and their utter rejection by the Lord Our God.

And besides, any good Christian - except perhaps some of those fundamentalist evangelical protestant schismatics, with their narrow obsession on selective elements of Leviticus - can tell you that where the Old Testament and the New Testament disagree, the New Testament wins every time. Scholarship be damned - that's why we call it the New Testament.

Yours in Christ,

The Holy Synod of the Archregimancy +

Cap-Nord, Septentrionia (about five miles from Béatrice Mercure's field)

Two Vephrallers, one male and one female, both aged about twenty, sat in their hotel room, apparently waiting on someone.

"Come on, Feene!" shouted the girl. "Kickoff's in 90 minutes, we're going to be late!"

"Hold on, my hair's almost done!" came a voice from the bathroom. The boy, meanwhile, was trying his best to get a wrinkle out of the Arrigo Portuguese shirt he was wearing. His friend, on the other hand, has splurged for an actual Vephrall World Cup 42 kit. Hers was of the solid black variety, the official fifth kit. Why the VFR had decided the team needed five different kit color combinations was anyone's guess.

Suddenly the bathroom door burst open and a second girl walked out. She really might as well have not spent any time at all on her hair, as neither of her companions noticed it. They were instead slack-jawed due to the fact that all she seemed to be wearing were two small white and gold Vephrese six-pointed stars, one on each cheek.

"So, uh, you've, uh, de- decided to, uh, join the, um, protest, I, er, gather?" The boy was very desperately trying to maintain direct eye contact with Feene, and not doing a very good job of it.

"Not exactly - I'm protesting in support of the Jeruselem royal family. What better way than to do as they do?"

The boy could come up with no response other than to quickly put his hands behind his back in order to avoid suffering the same fate as poor Bob.

"Right then!" Feene smiled brightly. "Let's go!"

Petaki, Calamen, Vephrall

"Like I told you the other day, Mr. Wecoisus checked out over three weeks ago!" The hotel receptionist was starting to become visibly annoyed with the VNP investigators.

"And where did he go when he left?"

"Again, as I said before, he called a cab. How am I supposed to know where the cab went?"

The man asking the questions started to speak again, but was quickly interrupted by his partner. "Wait a minute, you said last time that he went to the bus stop."

"He did go to the bus stop. That's where he told the cab driver to come pick him up."

"Did you actually see him walk to the bus stop?"

"Well, the bus stop is around the corner, but he definitely walked in that direction."

The second investigator rummaged around in his bag and produced a stack of papers. "I have here this hotel's phone records from May fourteenth, the day that Mr. Wecoisus checked out, according to your books. Your books state that he left the hotel at 9:37 a.m. This page shows all the calls made between 8:46 and 10:03. There are two instances of calls to local taxi companies, both originating from rooms on the fifth floor. Mr. Wecoisus was staying on the third floor, so these calls were not placed by him. No evidence of any such call occurring from the lobby or any other public location within this hotel."

The receptionist hesitated a moment. "I think he used his mobile phone."

The investigator then produced another document. "This document from Mr. Wecoisus' mobile phone carrier states that there is not a usable signal within fifteen kilometers of this hotel."

The first investigator saw the opportunity to make a dramatic statement, and seized it. "There's something you're not telling us."

The receptionist remained silent. What was she going to do now?

--An open letter to the World Cup Organisers and the world from the SNFA--

To whom it may concern,

Following Sorthern Northland recent qualification for the knockout stages of the World Cup it has come to our attention that one Princess Marie-Antoinette Dallas of Jeruselem has pledged to appear naked on television bar a garland of pistachio nuts to keep her modesty. Due to a Sorthern blackout on Jeruselemite media we are unaware if this has yet happened and profoundly apologise to the world if it has. If it is still we happen we also apologise to the world for making such a situation for it to happen. We would also like to register our distaste at the pistachio campaign being used in such a negative way. The antics of the Princess are doing nothing but sully the proud name of pistachio nuts.

We also feel that in the light of the revelations of what the Princess had planned in the event of Sorthern Northland qualifying we should admit to the world that our qualification was due to unfair measures. With us playing in Cafundéu and therefore having to pay for everything, we decided we might as well pay the referees in our games a few more vintems in order to get more favourable decisions from them, essentially match fixing. Match fixing is obviously illegal in football and as such we feel the World Cup organisers should kick us out of the tournament and therefore effectively stop us from qualifying for the second round, which in turn will hopefully spare the world of Princess Marie-Antoinette stripping. We also wish to clarify that had we known about the Princesses pledge we would not have fixed our group stage matches.

In light of this scandal I would also like to make it known to the world that I will be resigning from my position as General-Secretary of the Sorthern Northland Football Association.

Alexander Phillips,
General-Secretary of the Sorthern Northland Football Association

--Ship somewhere off Ile de Nouveau Nordlande du Sorthe--

Dear Journal,

It’s been a while since I’ve written either a diary or a journal. In fact I’m not writing this entry either. Some Han guard is for me, I’m simply dictating to him what to write, seeing as he doesn’t speak no English, Gaelic, or Northlandish I’ve no idea how he’ll understand me. Maybe I’ll see if he speaks Bensroomese! See I’ve been captured by the Hans after conquering Ile de Nouveau Bostopie and renaming it Ile de Nouveau Nordlande du Sorthe. At first they just let me on the roam around the ship but now I’ve been inhumanly locked up in a cage and can barely move! You see they caught me firing missiles at Oursville after storming the bridge of the ship. That is such a blasphemy! OK, so I was firing missiles around and they are heading towards to Oursville now but that was a mistake! I meant to aim for Fort Boston but got mixed up on the co-ordinates.

This cage isn’t too comfy either. I’ve been tied up in such a position I can’t even scratch myself. It seems things were already going pretty badly for the Hans before I tried hijacking their ship. Perhaps I should apologise for that. Not much has happened since my last entry really. Although I did find out I have some Septentrionien blood in me! You see at first they left me on my own in this cage, and I was all like “You’ll never break me! I’m not telling you a thing!” Then a few hours later they sent in this big, scary looking guy who now appears to be guarding me and as soon as he looked at me I was all like “ARGH!! Please don’t hurt me, I’ll tell you everything I know! Just don’t hurt me!” I even tried waving this white flag I have with me after I stole it off Lemay when we were on the island. If that isn’t proof that I have some Septentrionien blood in me I don’t know what is. Anyway the guy guarding me and writing this for me doesn’t seem to want to do it anymore so I guess this is all for this entry of President Jimmy Sheridan’s journal. Speaking of which, why hasn’t the Sorthern army or anything come to find me yet? Surely they want their President back?

"AGAIN!"

"AGAIN AGAIN A FUCKING GAIN!"

"Well that sucks"

"Yep"

"And we're just going to lose again"

"Yep"

"This is useless"

"Yep"

"Ok then, nice talking to you"

"Same"

"Bye"

"Bye"

"Come on you Warriors!"

"That too"

---An airport in Cafundéu, somewhere---

Two Bostopia Airways staff walked through the airport's main lobby, rolling their suitcases behind them. A beam of light shone through one of the windows, directly on a man who was sleeping in a chair, causing him to stir.

“Morning,” he said, sounding half asleep, half opening an eye, getting him a smile from the two young ladies.

“Does he look strangely familiar to you?” One of them asked the other.

“Oh Sue, you thought you saw President Sheridan jumping out of a plane the other day, of course it's not the Emperor!”

“It's probably not. The coffee I've been drinking lately must be doing safe things.”

“You sure you're fit to fly if you're seeing things?”

“We'll have to see how I go.”

About 10 minutes (and, the Emperor thought, 1093 Vintems) later, he was finally awake enough to notice that the Bostopia Airways desk had opened. He walked over, and the two girls he had spoken to before we still there.

“Morning!”

They looked at each other.

“Good.. morning. Can we help?”

“Yes you can,” the Emperor said, rummaging through his bag – arousing attention from security - and pulling out his official identity. It had always made him wonder why he'd need official identity, but in times like this when people couldn't believe it's him, it came in handy. The Emperor passed the identity card over, and one of the twenty-something girls followed the instructions.

Picking up the phone on the desk, she dialed 267 32-323324 (BOS FB(Fort Boston)-FBC([Fort Boston Castle[/i])EBI(Emperor Boston Identification), to be greeted by a short ringing tone, and then a voice answered.

“State your name, place of birth, state of birth, nationality and location.”

“Charlotte Vale, born in Cleeton, Drangmorie State and of Bostopian nationality. I'm in Astari Airport, Cafundéu.” She shrugged quizzically at Sue, her co-worker who was looking as puzzled as her.

“I need a more precise location.” The voice answered back, rather gruffly, as if he didn't take many phone calls like this, and was rather happy with not getting many phone calls, as he preferred it when his job meant he could sit on his backside waiting for the phone to ring, rather than dealing with it when it rang.

“The depatures hall, Astari Airport, Cafundéu.”

“Which desk number?”

“Um.. twelve.”

“Your call was traced and I can confirm this is indeed your location,” - not that Charlotte needed telling where she was - “and the person who handed you this card is Emperor Boston. The highest level of Government and Military knows about this call, and due to the present situation, representatives from the Government and Armed Forces will shortly be with you.”

“Oh,” she said, becoming wide eyed in shock.

“Now you hand him back the card, and I suggest a curtsey.”

“Ok, um, thanks,” Charlotte responded, then put the phone down, nodded enthusiastically to Sue, and then looked at the Emperor. She handed the card back and promptly curtseyed.

“They've told you it's me then?” The Emperor said cheekily.

“Yes they have... sire?”

“Sire works. Emperor does too. Can you get me to somewhere private?”

“Of course, Emperor. Follow me please.”

---A room, somewhere in Cafundéu---

Dear Diary

It would appear that finally, I am to return to my homeland. I've spoken to the Prime Minister who seemed rather pleased to hear from me, saying things like “Oh god, it's you!” and all manner of other nice things. Anyway, he said that they're sending the Navy out – the CSBS Geesemonkey nonetheless – and I should be home soon.

I hope we don't bump into the Han. I heard from Sentor that they fired a number of missiles off, so they seem a bit feisty. I'd be rather annoyed if my flagship had to get involved in a skirmish over a few crickets.

Let's hope someone else out there sees sense.

What's that? Room tax?

OLHO NO LANCE! YOUR SPORTS MAGAZINE!
A Globo Multimedia partner

WORLD CUP 42 – CAFUNDÉU AND SEPTENTRIONIA
Full coverage – including comments from Breno Gavião, notes by Sílvio Ruiz and interviews by César Lang
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


SOLID VICTORY GIVES CAFUNDÉU FIRST PLACE IN THE GROUP

http://img228.imageshack.us/img228/1655/wc42rpkel1mb9.jpg (http://imageshack.us)
Fabrício and Careca ready for the kickoff

The third game of the World Cup group stage is of course a vital one for most countries involved in the competition, as most teams are still in the battle for qualification, and need to collect points in the last match day in order to proceed. That was the situation of Cafundéu and, if we force things a little bit, of Kelssek too. Both teams had good qualifying chances, but the Cafundelenses’ ones were much better, as the team only needed a simple win in order to qualify, while Kelssek needed nearly a miracle. So, this was a very important game in the Obelisco Monumental, and even the strong rain wasn’t able to stop the supporters to go to the stadium to watch the Monopolists.

The game seemed to be a difficult one, mostly due to the rain, which could make the moves complicated to be made. Kelssek was hoping to use the weather in its advantage, but was unable to do so. In the end, the supporters helped the Monopolists to easily win the game, without any problems, and to qualify in the first place in Group A. All went well for the red-black (wait, yellow-white in this day) team, and the World Cup campaign has been a success so far. In this game the players were able to correct the mistakes made in the game against The Holy Empire and to show quality football, something that motivated the whole country, including the ones that were criticizing the team.

THE FIRST HALF: the game started very disputed in the midfield, and both teams faced major problems when trying to putting the ball to the attack. The rain was making the ball stop during the passes in the puddles of water, and the battle for the ball was intense. There were many fouls during the first minutes, with players falling on the grass like if they were falling on a swimming pool. But, when no one expected a good play or a goal chance, something even bigger happened. Silveira managed to make an impressive and excellent pass to Moreira, who shot directly, without even controlling the ball, which went directly to the goal.

The goal had a huge impact in Kelssek’s morale. No one could expect such an early goal, especially with the condition of the field and the weather. And, exactly due to that, it seemed really difficult for them to react in the game. Bosschaart planned to make Cafundéu retreat and use the wet field in the team’s favour, stopping the opponent’s attacks and securing the victory. This decision wasn’t welcome by many supporters, who wanted to see the team attacking and guaranteeing the victory with more goals. But it seemed to be the best thing to do. For many minutes, Cafundéu just defended well from Kelssek’s attacks and counterattacked well, having more chances to score.

Soon it seemed to be obvious that Kelssek wasn’t playing well enough to offer a huge danger to Cafundéu. This motivated the Monopolists to attack more to score a goal and improve the advantage. And the goal came after some good and missed chances, and after holding some attacks from Kelssek, which seemed to be trying to improve. Augusto César tried to pass to Careca, but the ball stopped in a puddle of water and was recovered by Colwyn. Zé Sho appeared well, took the ball from Colwyn and passed to Careca, who dribbled the goalkeeper and crossed to Fabrício to score. Unfortunately, Cafundéu wasn’t able to hold the advantage and suffered a goal minutes later, with Arsenault heading from a Salthill crossing.

To avoid finishing the first half with just a one-goal advantage in the scoreline, the Monopolists attacked, but it didn’t seem that they would be able to score. Once again, they surprised everyone. Fabrício received the ball inside the area from Marossi and was fouled by the goalkeeper. Penalty kick. This time, it was Augusto César who took it, easily scoring the third goal of Cafundéu, and showing why he is the team’s official penalty taker.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 1 (Moreira’s goal): “Ball to the attack, Kelssek trrrrries to advance in the field. The pass frrrrrrrom Saint Louis is stopped by a puddle of water, Silveira takes it and prrrrrreparrrrres a counterrrrrattack. Makes a long pass to Morrrrrrreirrrrrrra, an excellent ones, he shoots... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Come now, beloved rrrrrreplay! Morrrrrrrreirrrrra, number eleven! Now it’s Cafundéu one, Kelssek zerrrrrro! Want to see your childrrrrrren rrrrreceiving quality education? So put them to study in the Escola Prrrrrrogrrrrrreso, in Haja Corrrrrração, a top rrrrrrrated school with quality teacherrrrrrs and lessons.”

http://img228.imageshack.us/img228/6753/wc42rpkel4be0.jpg (http://imageshack.us)
Camera shows offside position of Augusto César in play

THE SECOND HALF: after changing clothes and trying to get dry before getting wet again (in the second half), the teams returned to the field. Cafundéu seemed comfortable with the result, while Kelssek was desperate for a reaction, although not much confident that it could happen. The field was in the same conditions: wet and difficult to play in. But that wasn’t an excuse for the players to play badly, although they did. The first minutes of the second half seemed to be boring, with the ball being disputed only in the midfield and with few good offensive moves that, sometimes, could led to goal chances. The supporters expected more.

If the supporters weren’t able to see beautiful football moves during these minutes of the second half, at least they could laugh at some events that happened in the game. What about when Marossi tried to take the ball from Sinclair with a slide... and ended sliding until crashing in the advertisement board (by the way, buy Naturale Cosmetics!)? Maybe the funniest moment of the second half was when Silveira was dribbled by Arsenault. The defensive midfielder from Cafundéu ended leaving the field while trying to tackled the ball and had to hug the lineswoman Raluca Saltenhuck to avoid falling. A bit embarrassed with the situation, he thanked her for the help.

After these funny moments, it was time for Cafundéu to return to attack, and well. Tobias received the ball in the left side and made a good pass to Careca, who dribbled the goalkeeper again, and this time he scored the goal. But referee Zet Plomaker disallowed the goal, calling an offside. The supporters, furious, threw objects at the linesman Walter Frostman. One threw a piece of bread, probably his lunch, other threw a small radio, another a shoe and someone threw a smoke bomb (where did he get that?). But Cafundéu was able to really score later, thanks to a great individual play by Fabrício, who ended scoring a great goal after invading the area.

After Fabrício’s goal, the game was completely decided for Cafundéu, and the supporters started to commemorate the victory, shouting at each pass made by the Cafundelenses, even the ones that were stopped by the puddles of water. Arsenault’s goal near the end of the game changed nothing, and they could laugh one more time when Plomaker slipped in a puddle and fell on the field.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 2 (Fabrício’s second goal): “And herrrrrre comes Cafundéu, with Rrrrrrrrrrrusso with the ball, sends the ball to the other side with Paulo Santos, who rrrrreturrrrrrns the ball to Rrrrrusso. Ball goes now to Fabrrrrrrício, he goes for the drrrrribble, drrrrribbles one, two, invades the arrrrrrea, shoots... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Show me the rrrrrreplay! Fabrrrrrício, number ten! Cafundéu four, Kelssek one! To follow all the games of the Worrrrrld Cup, pay for the extrrrrrra Globo Multimedia channels! The Worrrrrld Cup games arrrrrre being showed in thrrrrrree different channels!”

The victory guaranteed the Cafundelense qualification to the oitavas-de-final of the World Cup, and in the first place of the group. So, the team is going to play in the capital of the country, against the team from Sorthern Northland. The supporters commemorated when they discovered the identity of the next opponents, as there are rumours that the whole team of Sorthern Northland is going to be arrested, as they didn’t pay for their stay in Cafundéu.

INTERVIEWS WITH CÉSAR LANG: nothing could be better for Cafundéu. First place in the group with a very good game in difficult conditions. So, everyone was very happy and confident, motivated for the next game. The coach Eduardo Bosschaart seemed relieved with the good result, and said: “I’m satisfied with this good performance. We were able to show that the game against The Holy Empire won’t affect our campaign in this competition, and we are ready for the next game.” The player of the match, Fabrício, told the media: “I played well today, and I hope the supporters can now forgive me for what happened in the game against The Holy Empire.”

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 3 (Augusto César’s goal): “Ball in the midfield, Cafundéu with some good moves, rrrrrready to attack... a chance can appear anytime. Marrrrrrossi contrrrrrols well the ball, avoids the defenderrrrrrrs. Decides to make the crrrrrrrossing, a good pass, Fabrrrrrício with the ball, trrrrries to drrrrribble the goalkeeper... and it’s a penalty! Penalty for Cafundéu! Yellow for the keeper! This time, Augusto will take it. He shoots... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Simple rrrrreplay would be useful! Augusto César, number eight! Cafundéu thrrrrrrrrree, Kelssek one! Pencils and pens, only the Institute! The best pencils and pens of the worrrrrrld!”

http://img228.imageshack.us/img228/8197/wc42rpkel3yo4.jpg (http://imageshack.us)
Dangerous attack in Cafundéu's area

CAFUNDÉU 4x2 KELSSEK

Place: Obelisco Monumental, in Lasft.
Attendance: 300,000 people.
Time: 18:15 Cafundelense time.
Climate: rainy, 25ºC.
Referee: Zet Plomaker (Zwangzug).
Assistants: Walter Frostman (Zwangzug) and Raluca Saltenhuck (Zwangzug).
MOTM: Fabrício (Cafundéu).

CAFUNDÉU: Júlio Sampa; Alex, Titov and Ronaldão; Silveira, Zé Sho (Russo 36’), Marossi (Paulo Santos 75’), Augusto César and Moreira (Tobias 60’); Careca and Fabrício.
Coach: Eduardo Bosschaart.

KELSSEK: Davis; Gobrynin, Tremblay and St.Louis; Colwyn, Regehr (Smith 76’), Fletcher, Arsenault and Salthill (Fournier 45’); Sinclair and Crawford (Couture 60’).
Coach: he was there, I swear!

Goals:CAF: Moreira 8’ , Fabrício 34’/77’ , Augusto César 41’.
KEL: Arsenault 38’/85’.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Line-up for the game against Sorthern Northland: Júlio Sampa; Alex, Titov and Gaëif; Silveira, Zé Sho, Da Silva, Augusto César and Moreira; Aristóteles and Fabrício.
Coach: Eduardo Bosschaart.
Style of +2.5

Referee: Stephen Cardinal (Kura-Pelland).

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

WC Goalscorers:

2- Fabrício, Augusto César
1- Aristóteles, Marossi, Titov, Moreira

World Cup Qualification - Group 5
MD1: vs Gerainia (3-1) (@ Gwangdong Imperial Sports Complex and Stadium, Gwangju)
MD2: @ Ad'ihan (1-2) (@ Protectorate Stadium, Ad'ihan)
MD3: vs Universitus University (3-1) (@ King Kim Iljei Memorial Football Stadium, Malnira)
MD4: @ kenavt (4-1) (@ Granderson Stadium)
MD5: vs Lingdinis Insania (3-0) (@ Sanhaemun Football Stadium, Jinhwangdo)
M6: @ Kura-Pelland (0-3)
MD7: -bye-
MQ: vs Taeshan (1-0) (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD8: @ Gerainia (2-0)
MD9: vs Ad'ihan (1-1) (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD10: @ Universitus University (1-0)
MD11: vs kenavt (3-0) (@ Goguryeo Football Stadium, Hanseong)
MD12: @ Lingdinis Insania (5-1)
MD13: vs Kura-Pelland (1-0) (@ Cha Beomgeun Memorial Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD14: -bye-
World Cup 42 - Group B
MD1: vs Wentland (8) @ Gigantão, Santo Galvão (2-0)
MD2: vs Sorthern Northland (32) @ Estádio Nacional dos Cocos, Porto Lacruz (1-1)
MD3: vs Bazalonia (5) @ Maracatuzão, Dunboor (3-2)
R16: vs The Holy Empire (25) @ Presídio, Carandirú City


=== The Island ===

"Emperor! We've got a problem!"

"What?!?" The Emperor woke up suddenly. He didn't like surprises, and he definitely did not like sleeping on boats. Even big ones that hardly rock in the middle of a calm sea. "What's wrong?"

"We dropped Sheridan!"

"You what???"

"It was an accident! One of the soldiers cut the line to Sheridan's cage, which was hanging on the side of the ship at night - just so no one would have to watch him. And they just cut him loose without knowing it!"

"Are they sure they cut him loose? What if they just cut a rope? Maybe they put Sheridan somewhere else?"

"Well, they knew it was Sheridan, because he started to scream as his cage fell into the sea."

"FELL INTO THE SEA?"

"Yes, Emperor."

"Get Sheridan back. NOW!"

"Well, fortunately, we think one of our submariness might have caught him, but they're surfacing very slowly so that the cage doesn't fall off in the ascent."

The Emperor got out of the sleeping quarters and dashed up straight to the deck, where he watched through Commodore Yi's binoculars as the submarine poked up, with Sheridan's cage on top of it. He heaved a great sigh of relief. Yun was following him very closely.

"Get Sheridan out of the cage and... do something with him that doesn't involve trying to unintentionally kill him but does anyway!"

"Yes, sire. Also, the Frenchies want to talk to you again."

"Oh, what do they want now??? I've told them that we're not going to release them if it means a war with Bostopia!"

"Well, they just want to get off now. They're promising not attack Bostopia."

"I'll believe that!"

"I don't think they're lying."

The Emperor gazed at Yun with awe. "You're supposed to be smarter than that! They'll say anything to get off my ship!"

"Actually, they're surrendering monkeys. Maybe not cheese-eating, but I don't imagine making a war is on their mind at the moment."

The Emperor waved his hands furiously in the air. "Alright! I'll talk to them!" They immediately went to Lemay and his two pilots, and with Captain Sang. "Follow me," the Emperor said, as he went away just as soon as he got there. The convoy went to a helicopter, and they all boarded the helicopter, heading straight for the island. Lemay was probably confused as the reason for this trip. But as they neared, it was all the more obvious what was going to happen.

"Give them this rope and tell them to climb down it."

"Emperor?"

"DO IT!"

Sang repeated the order to Lemay, who vehemently protested the decision.

"He said he'd rather be dropped on Dallas-infested territory!"

The Emperor was a little puzzled by that remark. "What??? Just tell him that if he doesn't go, he's going back on the ship and in a cage!"

Sang apparently translated it and gave Lemay's reply: "Fine!"

Undeterred, Chief Warrant Yun pushes Lemay out of the helicopter with his two pilots. They landed on the beach near where Lemay spent a many good days in a cage. With that, the helicopter left. The Emperor turned to Yun, saying, "Good work!"

"It's my pleasure, sire."

"Now, let's figure out how to get rid of Sheridan."

SHORT NEWS -BROUGHT TO YOU BY "O JUTENSE" NEWSPAPERS!

- Emperor Boston found in wrong city of Cafundéu: an incredible story involves the Emperor Boston from Bostopia. The one that should be managing the Sorthern Northland team (maybe paying for their expenses, as they don't do it), is in the other side of the country. After escaping an island in a Septentrionian airplane, which landed in Cafundéu after paying all the necessary costs, he was left in Astari. Left alone. But now his identity was discovered, and he'll be able to return home. Although his stay in Cafundéu was short, I'm sure he'll remember it for a long time, as a witness say that he lost approximately 3,901 vintéms in just one day, and he probably spent much more in the other days while he was lost without knowing what to do and where to go, having to pay for every little information and other usual things. He spent a lot of money in sleeping in a chair owned by the Astari Airport, money that was collected by a determined employee of that place. Luckily he had money for all those things, but he didn't pay the "foreign personality visit cost", the "international call cost to Bostopia", the "plane dropped person cost", the "use of public place air conditioning cost", the "entrance of international vehicles by any way cost", the "entrance of international vehicles by sea cost", the "sleeping in public places cost" and, finally, the "costs' taxes".

Also, the same witness commented that he thought about Cafundéu's taxes, asking if there was a "death tax"... luckily he didn't die there, otherwise how would we be able to collect the cost of his death in our lands without any of his relatives inside the country... that surely would be a tricky situation for all of us!

- Sorthern Northland team can be arrested: this was something that everyone was warned that could happen, as Sorthern Northland didn't seem willing to pay the price of the things in Cafundéu. But today the Cafundelense police made the announcement that the whole Sorthern Northland National Team, with players, staff and supporters, will be arrested an hour before the game if they don't pay all the things that they owe to the Empire. They didn't pay the travel to Cafundéu, the streets use cost, the crossing roads cost, the using bathrooms cost, the talking with people cost and many others, and didn't pay the fine that they received after that too. So, now they can be arrested by this behaviour, and be unable to play the oitavas-de-final game against Cafundéu, in Cafundó do Juta. Instead, they would go to the Presídio in Carandirú City, which would be their new home, and maybe watch the Daehanjeiguk x The Holy Empire game.

You need to mantain yourself clean. You need to smell good, to avoid illnesses that come from the lack of hygiene, and the "inverted magnet effect". No, you'll not attract people as a magnet due to lack of hygiene... it'll be exactly the opposite! You'll make the people go away from you! So, you really need to solve this problem!

The solution is with Naturale Cosmetics! We have shampoos, soaps, perfumes, body creams and many other things to make you clean and healthy! And what about the smell? You'll feel the difference... and the other people too! And, for the women, we also have a complete line of makeup, so you'll be able to really produce a "magnet effect", attracting people to you!

And it's Naturale Cosmetics that offers you... the Oitavas-de-Final RP cutoff.

Results in Cafundéu (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14019472&postcount=31)
Results in Septentrionia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14019466&postcount=30)

World Cup Qualification - Group 5
MD1: vs Gerainia (3-1) (@ Gwangdong Imperial Sports Complex and Stadium, Gwangju)
MD2: @ Ad'ihan (1-2) (@ Protectorate Stadium, Ad'ihan)
MD3: vs Universitus University (3-1) (@ King Kim Iljei Memorial Football Stadium, Malnira)
MD4: @ kenavt (4-1) (@ Granderson Stadium)
MD5: vs Lingdinis Insania (3-0) (@ Sanhaemun Football Stadium, Jinhwangdo)
M6: @ Kura-Pelland (0-3)
MD7: -bye-
MQ: vs Taeshan (1-0) (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD8: @ Gerainia (2-0)
MD9: vs Ad'ihan (1-1) (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD10: @ Universitus University (1-0)
MD11: vs kenavt (3-0) (@ Goguryeo Football Stadium, Hanseong)
MD12: @ Lingdinis Insania (5-1)
MD13: vs Kura-Pelland (1-0) (@ Cha Beomgeun Memorial Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD14: -bye-
World Cup 42 - Group B
MD1: vs Wentland (8) @ Gigantão, Santo Galvão (2-0)
MD2: vs Sorthern Northland (32) @ Estádio Nacional dos Cocos, Porto Lacruz (1-1)
MD3: vs Bazalonia (5) @ Maracatuzão, Dunboor (3-2)
R16: vs The Holy Empire (25) @ Presídio, Carandirú City (1-0)
QTF: vs Valanora (1) @ Maracatuzão, Dunboor


Into the Quarterfinals!

Daehanjeiguk| 1-0 |The Holy Empire

http://www.tribuneindia.com/2002/20020623/sp3.jpg

CARANDIRÚ CITY- The crowds at home were waving the ancient flags of Han as they went ahead 1-0 at the Presídio, following a 2-0 win for the hosts. In the end, it was Kim Daeeui's header in the 47th minute that separated the two sides and sets up on of the biggest matches in the World Cup so far. The match itself pitted the Han against a resurgent Holy Empire side, after their flamboyant attempt some time ago to use creamy blancmanges as players (and we all remember how that one ended up). As delicious as defeat was for the Holy Empire, they weren't satisfied to end up in the next cup with just one more game to add to their resume, and they looked to add to it with intense fervor. The match started favorably for the Han, who made one clear shot on goal in the 7th minute, which Cauleaso saved deftly. However, it was the Holy Empire that got out ahead with the possession, making several attacks on goal, cumulating in a brilliant shot by Muntanes in the 17th minute. Kim Jongguk had to tip the ball over for a corner, which was cleared out some time after that. After that, the Han were dictating the terms of the match, although it was equally difficult to penetrate the Holy Empire's last line of defense, and both sides went into the locker rooms goalless. The only slight tarnish was a yellow card issued to Yi Yeongpyo for a faulty tackle on Notaraso - and the card itself elicited boos from both the home crowd and the crowd at home. But Ioshido made a quick change for Kim Byeongji at the interval, to keep Yi Yeongpyo from getting another card. And the two sides went into the half strong, and it was the Han that again came ahead, this time off a corner, led by Yi Eulyong. The players lined the box, and while it was a rather poor lead, Kim Daeeui dived low enough to scratch the ball off his head and into the net through a flurry of legs. And if you thought that prisons couldn't get any louder, it did. Fortunately, some guard set off his gun and the crowd went silent toi let play go on. With the Holy Empire getting a yellow card, and two tactical changes at the end of the match - to keep the team spirited - the Han were content to leave the score so slender for their first quarterfinal appearance in the World Cup ever.

And of course, who do they draw? Valanora - the #1 team in the world. Sure, we've beat them before. But as history tends to show, we've failed to beat them when it matters most. Of course, we've been saying that about half of the teams that we've been beating, but it's true to a certain sense. And against the best ranked team in the world, it's going to take a lot more than luck. But as Ioshido Toki reflected in post-match remarks: "It was either #3 or #1 in the end, and quite frankly, neither of them seem like good odds." Actually, Milchama might have been a better odd, considering their poor luck getting this far. Sure, they qualified, but it was a scanty way to qualify for the #3 seed in the world. The Group winners, Bostopia, dispatched UCS side Jaseuyeon, to join the Han in the Quarterfinals, in their own match against the hosts, who as we stated earlier beat Sorthern Northland. Of course, we can't really call it beating Sorthern Northland, if half of the team was playing in chains. Nonetheless, the result stands.

In Septentrionie, Vephrall suffered a serious reverse - completely clothed, we hear - losing 3-1 to Jeruselem. Incidentally, the Archregimancy managed a 1-0 upset over the SLANI, to mark a clearly potent and perhaps controversial quarterfinal fixture against Jeruselem. Plans to throw nuts at the Jeruselemites were perhaps held on hold as one of the Princesses apparently "defiled" the divine nut by suggesting that she would fulfill her promise to dress only in a garland of pistachios if Sorthern Northland reached the Second Round. In the meantime, Candelaria And Marquez pulled off another stunning upset, beating reigning champions Starblaydia 2-1. It was Zwangzug to the rescue (perhaps literally) as they satisfied fans with a convincing 4-2 win over Yafor 2. That match sets up for a potentially upsetting fixture between Candelaria And Marquez and Zwangzug (that's too many "and"s).

And so the question on the minds of many - how far will the Han go? They've beaten the #5 and #8 seeded teams in the world; how much more does it take to beat the #1 team in the world? After all, if Starblaydia can do it (and apparently, it can happen to Starblaydia too!), why can't we? Well, I'd figure - as long as we don't lose by an embarrassingly large amount. But to be honest, a semifinal fixture would fulfill the dream for the entire nation and satisfy another dream for an age. How much farther now to the final match? A LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG way for certain.

World Cup Goal Scorers:
3 - Kim Daeeui
2 - Song Jongguk
1 - Jeong Jihun, An Pilrip

Official (WC42M) Record:
7' - Yi Eulyong (HAN)
Yi Eulyong shoots!
Cauleaso saves it!
10' - No.19 (HOE)
Ducaso
Holds off An Pilrip
Ducaso shows great skill
No.19
Baek Jihun tackles him
13' - Palaelogo (HOE)
Barsymes
Palaeologo
Yi Beomsuk tackles him
15' - Palaeologo (HOE)
Ducaso
Palaeologo
Beccuso
Muntanes
Shakes off Yang Manchun
Yi Beomsuk tackles him
17' - No.19 (HOE)
Curcuaso
Barsymes
Muntanes
Goes past Baek Jihun
Muntanes shoots!
Kim Jongguk saves it!
19' - Song Jongguk (HAN)
Kim Daeeui
Notaraso tackles him
Daehanjeiguk are dictating the pace of this game
26' - Beccuso (HOE)
Goes past Song Jongguk
Beccuso uses his pace
No.19
Song Jongguk tackles him
Daehanjeiguk are really working hard
36' - Notaraso (HOE)
Yi Yeongpyo makes a bad challenge...
It's a yellow card!
>>>HALF TIME<<<
Yi Yeongpyo >>> Kim Byeongji
47' - Corner for Daehanjeiguk!
Yi Eulyong to take it...
He crosses it...
Kim Daeeui with the header!
GOAL!: Kim Daeeui scores!!!
50' - Notaraso (HOE)
Curcuaso
Yi Eulyong tackles him
55' - Kim Yongji (HAN)
An Pilrip
Yi Eulyong
Ducaso tackles him
Daehanjeiguk are getting to the ball quicker
70' - Kim Yongji (HAN)
Barsymes tackles him
71' - Ducaso (HOE)
An Pilrip tackles him
80' - Jeong Jihun (HAN)
Barsymes makes a bad challenge...
It's a yellow card!
82' - Kim Daeeui >>> Kim Eunjung
Yi Eulyong >>> Choi Jincheol
89' - Lichudes (HOE)
Song Jongguk tackles him
>>>FINAL<<<

Jeruselem Government News

World Cup 42 Quarterfinal Review

It's Gomer here! Err, sorry ... Dazza Dallas. Call me Gomer if you want you but I'm no Gomer. Gomer did 3 years of whoring, I've done over 60 so there is no comparison.

The 2nd round is over!16 becomes 8 but now 8 becomes 4 next. Let's see what happened yesterday.

Vephrall run into us ... with our problems on the International stage. So was the team lead by my friend Moany and Sister Marsha distracted? Would Vephrall take advantage of the situation? You'd think Jeruselem would just be a little distracted? No, the Princesses proved that they are strong team. All game - Jane and team played like team who want something. The world might look against us but this makes us strong and more determined. For the record - Na Ling, Kylie Sho and Sister Hanna Josh scored our goals. YEAH, GO HOES - Princesses ...

Them Monks from The Archregimancy, pulled of a big win 1-0 over the SLANI. This is a big upset! It seems the Holy teams are in vogue right now. Oh yes, guess who them Monks play next ... US.

ZwangZug brushed aside Yafor 2 4-2 with ease. ZZ are great team! We were lucky for the draw with them earlier. ZZ are a team I think could make the final.

I don't believe it - the Purple Menace for beaten by ... C&M! C&M did well to make this far but they just beat the World Champs. Yes, we will have a new world champ. Actually, we're glad C&M won - we can never beat them Purple people. ZZ play C&M next. Good game to see. Anyone who beats Star 2-1 isn't a wimpy team.

The hosts Cafundéu march on! SN stood in the way but Caf simply was too good at home. As my Marie being naked, maybe that's why SN threw the game now losing 0-2. Marie hasn't done the deed yet, maybe she's waiting for the right time. I hope it is not during the game against the Monks. Look, she's an adult - I don't control her anymore. Marie isn't Dazza.

Bostopia marched on too accompanied by tanks and all. I think they found their Emperor too, in Caf of all places. Jasi'yun tried hard but Bostopia were too good in 3-1 win. Oh, the hosts play Bostopia next.

Them annoying Han took on The Holy Empire and err won 1-0. That's annoying still.

Them Elves took on Maggie and Milchama. Two great finalists but only one can win. As expected, Valanora did won but only 2-1. They take on the Han next.

My tips? My tipping for the recent group stages went all wrong! I maybe the Goddess of Jeruselem but I'm not Jesus either. I'll tip anyway since it's only like 4 games.

Jeruselem (3) x The Archregimancy (2) - Complexe SR Banque Économique
Zwangzug (3) x Candelaria And Marquez (1) - Stade 1093, Ourseville

Cafundéu (2) - Bostopia (2 PK) @ Arena América, Abadia
Daehanjeiguk (0) - Valanora (2) @ Maracatuzão, Dunboor

Err, OK - I have admit something. Ya know all this business about setting people on fire. When I was silly teen, I've actually set myself on fire a few times. Mainly due to being drunk and disorderly, while near flames. Always getting my hair alight at the wrong time. One looks stupid when people pour buckets of ice on you to save you. Ask me sister about these incidents. Actually, some of those videos are probably on yourtube - courtesy of my daughter Kate getting bored.

If the kids are always getting you into trouble, you can blame them but in the end if they are simply just behaving like yourself - just accept it since at least you know what are going to do.

By Dazza Dallas
Queen Mother of Jeruselem

A STATEMENT ON THE QUARTERFINAL DRAW

BY THE HOLY SYNOD OF THE ARCHREGIMANCY

Dear heathens, schismatics, Messiah-deniers, atheists, pagans, and assorted other sinners,

First, let us rejoice in the Lord that our brave squad of footballing monks have defeated the SLANI, who are like unto the MONEYCHANGERS IN THE TEMPLE that our Lord and Saviour cast out.

Let us further rejoice in making the quarterfinals for the first time since World Cup 28.

Now let us address the quarterfinal draw, in which the Lord our God - through his inifinite and unknowable wisdom has seen fit to match our Orthodox monks against the WHOREMONGERS of Jeruselem.

The punishment for SINNING HARLOTS is quite clear. Though the ARCHWHORE Dazza Dallas apparently claims she has already been punished in this manner, behold the wisdom of Judah!

Genesis 38:24

And it came to pass about three months after, that it was told Judah, saying, Tamar thy daughter in law hath played the harlot; and also, behold, she is with child by whoredom. And Judah said, Bring her forth, and let her be burnt.

Furthermore, the need to shun the HARLOT is quite clear.

Leviticus 21:14

A widow, or a divorced woman, or profane, or an harlot, these shall he not take: but he shall take a virgin of his own people to wife.

And doth not Proverbs warn us against consorting with WHORES, and placing ourselves under the rule of the WICKED SINNER?

Proverbs 29:2-3

When the righteous are in authority, the people rejoice: but when the wicked beareth rule, the people mourn.

Whoso loveth wisdom rejoiceth his father: but he that keepeth company with harlots spendeth his substance.

But it is not too late for the sinners of Jeruselem to repent before our quarterfinal! Did not our Saviour say

Luke 15:7

I say unto you, that likewise joy shall be in heaven over one sinner that repenteth, more than over ninety and nine just persons, which need no repentance.

So long as the WHORES do truly REPENT OF THEIR WICKEDNESS, they shall be forgiven by both us and the Lord our God. Did not our Lord and Saviour say to the whore brought to him by the scribes and Pharisees

John 8:10-11

When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee?

She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.


Therefore, in a spirit of Christian forgiveness, we look forward to facing the chaste and repentant national team of Jeruselem in the quarterfinals.


Yours in Christ,

The Holy Synod of the Archregimancy +

Delariun Martoip once again found himself waiting. It wasn't for the Vephrese representatives this time, but on a message from a source inside Cafundeu. Martoip was not an overly patient elf, which is likely why it took the ambitious man several years longer to become the head of the Valanora Footballing Association than would have been needed. His was visably pertrubed by having to wait on a simply e-mail from his accociate in the south-eastern nieghbors and did not try to hide the fact when Nikali Malitali strolled into the office and said hello to his boss.

"What good morning Nikali? I've been waiting on this stupid message for three hours now, and it's still not arrived! I shall have to ring Mathander's neck the next time I see that elf. He should know better than to try the patience of the VFA President, espicially when that president is me!"

"What's so important about this message Delariun?" he said as he took a sip of his coffee. The roasted smell filled the room and the warm liquid put the relatively young vice president in high spirits. "It's not as if the world is coming to an end, learn to be a little more patient, it would do you wonders."

"Easy for you to say Nikali! Your only responsibility is to make sure that the Marauders have travel arrangements for each of their matches. Compare that to the hefty weight of responsibility on my shoulders and you could see why I'm lacking your patience!"

"Delariun, I've know you for over a hundred years now, and not once have you ever shown the slightest inkling of being patient, even before you were elected to this office. Everyone in the country knows this, and it is one of your few fatal flaws. You need to relax and let things come as they are without having to rush through life as if it were a race that needed to be won at any cost. Be more like a rainbow my friend, and less like the oceans."

A deflated sigh came from the VFA President as he knew the truth that were in Nikali's words and how he should heed his suggestions. The nagging sencation to always get things done in a hurry likely had cost him positions and friendships, but he flet that everything needed to be done hastly or not at all. "Perhaps I was born the wrong species my friend, I seem more like the humans with their rushed approach to life than any other elf I know."

"I don't think so, you are a credit to our species, but all you need is a little patience. If you could just learn to take things as they come, I suspect that you would have a much fuller and more enjoyful life. Everyone in the office knows how much the position takes a toll on the social obligations as well as the mind and body, with it being quite evident on you Delariun."

"You're right, but a part of me just refuses to act in such a manner. Some flaws may not be able to be recitifed as easily as others." As the president opened up another window on his internet explorer, the home page brought up mention of the international community's hostility towards Jeruselem and the latest World Cup scores and previews for the next round. "Can you believe this Nikali, we're flying in under the radar! Everyone else is concerned about the nudity, torture, and judicial double standards in Jeruselem. If it's not that, then it's the talk about how Starblaydia were felled by Candelaria And Marquez. Then it's about how the Han are making an impossible run and Zwangzug might being able to make it into the Final."

"It's the majesty of not creating any unnecessary noise in the international community. We get to just mosy along through each round taking care of business with each of our opponents. The rest of the world looks for the big stories and we sort of get to lull our competition to sleep and then deliver the devestating blow when the matches begin."

"I suppose so, but you would have thought that Tobias' announcement a few weeks ago might have caused some stir in the international media, or our bid to host the next World Cup. Yet all that is mentioned is that we won, that we're facing the Han in the upcoming round, with us being a slight favorite."

"I wouldn't worry Delariun, no news is usually good news for us. As for the side, I think that everything is working out the way it should be, with the manager showing great skill in their ability to handle all the egos the team has on it. By the way, have you heard how rich Laborious Hawk has become by playing in Cafundeu? The lad is making well over 4000 silver coins in a single month! That is abosolutely ridiculous, and yet the lad seems soo humble and down to earth when you get a chance to talk with him. Elune sure must of blessed him or the lad is simply a saint."

"Aye, it is quite something. Oi! My message has arrived, let's see what news comes from the World Cup hosts."

Dear Delariun Martoip,

I'm sorry that this message finds you late, as I am no doubtedly aware of you and your patience streak, but I had to go find a bank to exchange my silver coins. This country makes you pay for everything, even using the latrine or talking to your best mate! Speaking of which, you owe me 300 silver coins for this message.

As for the matter of "Artemis", the progress is going as expected. The employees want some more information on who they are working for and what the main objective is, but are content enough to leave it alone when I mention their pay. I fully expect the project to go off without a hitch and you to be reaping to rewards of such in a few months time.

I also have a small task for you to do. I found this young lass out on the streets during my stay here with nothing to call her own but a makeshift dress she made out of newspaper. Being the kind heart I am, I bought her some proper clothes and gave her a place to stay and some food. I have decided to send her back to Valanora, which was a difficult tussle with the local government about getting her a visa, and she is expected to arrive in Raynor City tommorow. I want you to bring her to my flat and help her find a job. Before you say no, remember about November 20,001.

Sincerely,
Mathander Tyrewildn

World Cup Qualification - Group 5
MD1: vs Gerainia (3-1) (@ Gwangdong Imperial Sports Complex and Stadium, Gwangju)
MD2: @ Ad'ihan (1-2) (@ Protectorate Stadium, Ad'ihan)
MD3: vs Universitus University (3-1) (@ King Kim Iljei Memorial Football Stadium, Malnira)
MD4: @ kenavt (4-1) (@ Granderson Stadium)
MD5: vs Lingdinis Insania (3-0) (@ Sanhaemun Football Stadium, Jinhwangdo)
M6: @ Kura-Pelland (0-3)
MD7: -bye-
MQ: vs Taeshan (1-0) (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD8: @ Gerainia (2-0)
MD9: vs Ad'ihan (1-1) (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD10: @ Universitus University (1-0)
MD11: vs kenavt (3-0) (@ Goguryeo Football Stadium, Hanseong)
MD12: @ Lingdinis Insania (5-1)
MD13: vs Kura-Pelland (1-0) (@ Cha Beomgeun Memorial Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD14: -bye-
World Cup 42 - Group B
MD1: vs Wentland (8) @ Gigantão, Santo Galvão (2-0)
MD2: vs Sorthern Northland (32) @ Estádio Nacional dos Cocos, Porto Lacruz (1-1)
MD3: vs Bazalonia (5) @ Maracatuzão, Dunboor (3-2)
R16: vs The Holy Empire (25) @ Presídio, Carandirú City (1-0)
QTF: vs Valanora (1) @ Maracatuzão, Dunboor

=== Going Back Home ===

The Emperor was reclining on a chair in a quarter, waiting for his plane to refuel. The Imperial Task Force was leaving Island 984 - finally, after many weeks away from home, the soldiers would be going back home. And the Emperor would return to his seclusion in the Imperial City. Never mind that his surprise visit inspired the soldiers greatly; he absolutely abhorred the stupidity of some of his subordinates, wondering how his father ever managed to tolerate it for as long as he did.

"Emperor, we might have an issue."

"What? Has Sheridan escaped again?"

Sheridan had since been incarcerated in the soldier's lobby, where he would be under the watchful eye of some 1000 Han Marines. Of course, just because he was under their watch didn't mean necessarily that they were watching.

"No, not the least, Emperor. In fact, Sheridan's gotten to socialize with the soldiers very much. The matter involves Colonel Pak."

"What about him?"

"Well, he lost a radio."

"Lost?"

"More like misplaced."

"Okay, so how did he 'misplace' a radio?"

"Well, we believe that Emperor Boston took it with him. We received distress calls for the Bostopian fleet, but they were all received by passing merchant ships. We were able to locate the position of his calls, but the Septentrioniens got to him first."

"So the radio is back on the island?"

"No. Actually, we think that the Septentrioniens have it."

"The same ones who were on this very ship?"

"Yes."

"And they still have it?"

"Probably."

At that, the Emperor picked up Commodore Yi's comm-link and pressed the announcement button - "TURN THIS BOAT AROUND!"

大韓蹴球協會
대한축구협회
Imperial Football Association of Daehanjeiguk

http://i159.photobucket.com/albums/t156/daehanjeiguk/soccer.png

PUBLIC DECLARATION

The Imperial Football Association of Daehanjeiguk would like to vocalize our emphatic support for the present bid for future World Cup Hosts by the states of Vephrall and Valanora. As one - previous World Cup Champions - the other - revived ashes of previous World Cup Champions - both countries are already worth their weight in gold when it comes to matters related to football. Although the present WCC President appears to be missing, his presidency as endorsed by the Vephrese state is also a shining testament to the commitment for the Vephrese nation to football. We hope that he is found soon. Valanora has shown its commitment to football in the wide range of activities in which it persistently engages - WCC-sponsored and otherwise.

More importantly, both countries have proven to be potent World Cup hosts. Vephrall helped hosted World Cup 38, while Valanora helped host World Cup 39. Both countries have the infrastructure present to host the World Cup. Both have the experience to host the World Cup. Both have the finances to support the expenses of running the World Cup.

With this, we hope to convince the world to support this bid when the WCC opens the vote for WC43 hosts. Thank you for your time, and we hope for all a very prosperous WC season.

Count Jeong Mongjun
Head Commissioner of the IFA
鄭夢準伯

“So, who d'ya want to win the World Cup?”

“Eh?”

“After us, like.”

“Oh, right. Ur... Zwangzug I suppose.”

“Zwangzug?”

“Yeah, I worked there about 12 years ago didn't I? Did I ever tell you about it?”

“Come on Ted, not the goat story again!”

“It was a vicious goat!”

“It was not, it was a goat which stood on a lawn eating grass and confused you and a bunch of foreigners for a few weeks!”

“I knew exactly what was going on! I don't think the Emperor does though, no matter how many times I explained it. He eventually waved me away muttering something about 'very well done, a goat jumped up onto my picnic table when I was a child and ate my sandwich'.”

“And he's head of state?”

“Yeah..”

---An airport in Cafundéu, somewhere---

Dear Diary

I hope the Navy has some cash on them, as Cafundéu has hit me with another few charges. The “Foreign personality visit cost”, the “international call cost to Bostopia” charge, which to be fair, I guess Bostopia Airways will have to shell out for, they made the call, not me. There's a “plane dropped person cost” which I think is mightily unfair, they should pay me for coming into the country. Actually, considering the charges I haven't paid, they'd probably be better off paying me to stay away. Though I don't see that happening, their finance ministers would know they'd lose even more money through me not coming here and not paying for anything than me coming here and only paying for some things.

What else does this invoice say? Ah, “use of public place air conditioning cost” fair enough, maintenance costs money. “Entrance of international vehicles by any way cost” wonder if they mean the plane I landed in, or the Bostopian Navy? I'll pay half of it, and tell them to send the rest of the bill to Septentrionia. “Entrance of international vehicles by sea cost” right, fair enough, that'll be the navy. Who aren't even quite here yet, but as long as they have enough money it won't matter. Now, the “sleeping in public places tax”, why wasn't that taken when I was actually asleep? I'm going to query that. “Costs tax”?!? I have to pay a tax on the costs I have to pay? What? Flipping nora!

What brilliance.

I suppose while I sit here.. wait, I'll stand! Yes! I'll stand! Let's see them hit me with a “standing up” tax.

I had better not write that too loudly actually, might give them ideas.

Sadie: Hey Kara!
Kara: Hello Dopey, you causing any trouble?
Sadie: What trouble?
Kara: First that Kate and now Marie, hope you're not going to cause more issues.

Sadie: Me? I don't cause problems.
Kara: True, you're too stupid for that.
Sadie: Yeah, I'm no troublemaker.
Kara: You don't have red hair.

Sadie: What's that got to with it?
Kara: You noticed all the troublemakers in your family have red hair?
Sadie: Dazza is actually a brunette, Kate is more of a blonde but Marie is redhead. Jacinta is also a brunette but she's not a troublemaker.
Kara: So those two just like red hair ...

Sadie: Yeah, Dazza has been blonde before.
Kara: Well, it figures sometimes.
Sadie: Marie is a real redhead.
Kara: Yes, she's a bit weird.

Sadie: New hair do!
Kara: Err, yes.
Sadie: Anything to do with that smoker setting your hair alight?
Kara: Yes, stupid f**king smokers. Idiot wasn't careful with his lighter and set my hair ribbon on fire.

Sadie: You look alright!
Kara: It took years to get my hair right, and now ... arg
Sadie: It will grow back. Did you thank Kate Sallad for saving your hair?
Kara: Yes, she maybe a bit irritating but she's a friend you can depend on in need.

Sadie: Yeah, she turned her coke bottle into a fire hydrant!
Kara: Sticky mess but at least I don't look like some skinhead now.
Sadie: So, can we beat the Monks?
Kara: Well, we've done very well lately. Maybe Jeruselem only play well when the world doesn't like us.

Sadie: That sounds like Jeruselem spirit, God's people must be strong against all odds.
Kara: Yes, the team has gotten down to basic fighting spirit.
Sadie: I think all this crap about people on fire, human rights and public nudity is making us stronger team because we have more to prove.
Kara: Yeah, no slackness. We fight for our nation!

Sadie: Still, do we have have play the Monks again!
Kara: Don't ask me! I don't run the show.
Sadie: Hi Jacinta.
Jacinta: Hey, it's human torch!

Kara: Very funny, Jacinta ... why do have Gomer on your team strip.
Jacinta: Well, we're getting all biblical next game.
Kara: What's your sister wearing?
Jacinta: Eve!

Kara: Figures ... Sadie what about you?
Sadie: I got Lot's wife ...
Kara: She got turned into a pillar of salt.
Sadie: Oh, that's why no one wanted it! Who's Lot? Not some guy on eBAY?

Kara: Sadie, go read the bible! At least your other relatives know who she is. Who got the Virgin Mary?
Jacinta: Sister Hanna Josh insisted it was her.
Kara: Mary Magalene?
Sadie: Beth Bootin got that one. Mind you, Dazzarina Intern also wanted that one. Those two almost got into fight for that one. So Dazza was given Bathsheba to keep her happy.

Jacinta: And the coach ended up with Whore of Babylon because she's Dazza's friend as well as ex-porn star.
Kara: What about the guys?
Jacinta: They aren't interested in this biblical thing.
Sadie: Sally Kool got Sarah because she's Jewish and Jenny got Delilah although she was puzzled why she got that.

The Spenson Star

4-2? Yes, that's right. (http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2008/sep/17/douglasadams)

So, my [the word you were looking for was complimentary, I believe; I've taken the liberty of fixing your typo -ed] colleague has recently been promoted to my old job. How am I taking this? Quite well, actually. Because I now actually get to write the articles [except for my edits. -ed]

You're just doing this to harass me, aren't you? [Maybe. -ed]

Anyhow, getting the chance to write the actual articles is sort of like getting a superpower. Sort of. Especially for a match like this. The [flukish luck of and skillful midfield behind, I think you meant -ed] Rohit Sharma saw him record his second hat-trick of the World Cup proper, against the Golden Wolves of Yafor 2.

Under the management of Ad'ihani [Ad’ihani? -ed] manager Dave Hollow, Yafor 2 has developed into a side more capable of offense-a capability that proved to be a double-edged sword in the six-goal match. Herod Accursas' aggressive drives forward failed to spark the Wolves, however, and Sharma began the goalscoring on a header past him in the sixteenth minute. Muus Jurin made it 2-0 shortly thereafter, set up by Megan Kucinich, who had beaten Vashil Nahanor in the midfield.

The Yaforites pulled one back, however, in minute number forty. Despite the scoreline, Amario Otavias' leadership in the midfield was undisputed, and he passed to Zyante Meleherat, who promptly headed it in.

But Zwangzug would continue rolling on, Sharma's second and third [undeserved -ed] goals interrupted only from the boot of David Insfield. The match ended 4-2, and Zwangzug progressed to its third quarterfinal. It'll be a rematch against group stage opponents Candelaria And Marquez, who dispatched the defending champions of Starblaydia by a score of two to one. Capitalizt SLANI were also upset victims, falling one-nil to the Archregimancy.

For the Wolves' part, they have more in common with last tournament's Starblaydi side than the preceding Vanorians or World Cup 39's Capitalizts. All four teams faced Zwangzug in the second round; three triumphed in the final match. The Yaforite midfield is a unit in transition-and a nation that boasts Venasir Nahorian as its next great defender is not necessarily the most inspiring-but who knows where fate could take them next?

Zwangzug's path is simpler. Across the streets of Ourseville, to Stade 1093. [Also known as, including this, the number of media communications the country has made in its history. -ed]

Well, on that note: the media sources of all eight quarterfinalists reached arbitrarily defined cutoffs [curse that darn base-ten system! -ed], a feat unprecedented during Zwangzug's World Cup participation. Good for them.

[You mean us, of course. -ed]

Well, yeah.

MBC SPECIAL REPORT

Why you should be glad that you don't live in Cafundeu?

Well, we take a look at Cafundeu today, and we're going to tell a few reasons why you're going to love living in the Han Empire. True, there are some nice things about Cafundeu, but there are some things that stand out that make it a not so good place to live.

(1) Taxes - They tax you for everything. The moment you sign a ticket that says you want to go to Cafundeu, you have to pay a tax. There's the tax to get a ticket for a plane that's going to Cafundeu. There's the tax to have your plane land in Cafundeu. There's a tax to park your plane in Cafundeu (even if it's not yours). There's a tax to get off the plane and onto Cafundelense soil. Each step you step is a small tax. Riding a bike gets more expensive, and if you're thinking about public transportation, you're better off taking a good pair of shoes. Jet packs don't work as a way to get around the provision - because they tax every ounce of air you use. Water too - and bringing your own water carries a tax that's more expensive that the tax to pay to get permission to get the water. Undressing in public carries a fine and a hefty jail sentence, although you could thereotically pay the all-but-impossible-to-pay get-out-of-jail-free tax. And to receive a fine carries its own tax. In fact, getting a tax gets you a tax. Making a payment carries a tax. You could apply to get a tax deduction, but by the time you fill out all of the paperwork (each which carry a tax to sign), you're better off not getting the deduction - which also carries a tax. The only place in Cafundeu that doesn't carry a tax is perhaps private property - but with the taxes as they are, you'd probably have to pay the owner a tax (so he can pay the tax for the property, the tax to tax an individual, and the tax to tax a tax). It's pretty expensive to visit Cafundeu, but if you have money, it's a good investment - so I hear. And hearing carries a tax - so if you get ignored in Cafundeu, it's not because they can't hear you. Of course, getting an answer carries its own tax, so it is probably better off staying quiet (which is a less lofty tax). And by the end of reading this paper, you'll have paid enough taxes to buy yourself a ticket out of the country.

(2) Terrorists - Yes, they're here. They attack St. Georges Square some time ago, and if you'd believe the Cafundelense government when they say that the terrorists aren't here, I'll tell them that they haven't looked hard enough. There are terrorists lurking around here. They're stuck in the poor peoples' neighborhoods - who oddly don't pay their taxes all too often. Because the Cafundelense don' tax their poor people, the terrorists all hide there. So if you don't want to die pre-maturely in some horrible explosion caused some random chemical combinations, don't go to Cafundeu.

(3) Taxes - Didn't I just mention taxes?

(4) Taxes - This isn't funny. I've already exhausted all of the talk about taxes!

(5) Fine Specimens of the Preferred Courting Sex - What??? How is that a bad thing? I like women! I know my girlfriend likes men! If I had a gay friend, he'd like the men too! And if there was a lesbian, they'd like the women too! In fact, Cafundeu is a great place to go if you're sexual promiscuous (be sure to bring your tax money, because it costs like everything - and public promiscuity takes a jail sentence).

(6) Drinks - That's not bad either! They make some cool drink - I wouldn't have a clue what it's called but it's pretty good. Drink with coke (not the drink) for an exhilarating experience (drugs are expensive and illegal - take at your own expense, literally)! Incidentally, it's hard to distinguish which drugs are controlled substances, so be careful what you mix - sugar can cost you a lot too.

(7) Septentrioniens - What?????? There aren't any Septentrioniens in Cafundeu! At least, not that I know of. Then again, maybe they're hiding with the terrorists. You can't trust a Septentrionien.

(8) Santa - Santa is a nice guy! I can't believe I'm writing this list!

(9) Taxes - I guess besides the terrorists, the Septentrioniens, and the taxes, there's not much to be afraid of. But if anything will keep you away from here, it's going to be the taxes. Because if you call the police, the first question they'll ask is "What is your tax-ID number?" so they can charge you for their services. They'll then inform you that you'll have to pay the connection tax, the emergency service tax, the police-come-to-my-place tax - meanwhile, you'll hope that the burglar doesn't kill you in the amount of time it takes you to pay all of the taxes (of course, if they kill you, they'll have to pay a murder tax before they do it - otherwise, it's the more potent tax evasion charge that gets them the death sentence).

Well, there's your comprehensive guide to Cafundeu and why you wouldn't want to come! Hopefully, you do!

Jeruselem Government News

Police intervene with fracas in Christian Theological debate

The monthly meeting of Christian Theological Society consisting of theologians from all parts of Jeruselem required police intervention today. The topic of the day was "Which biblical woman is Dazza Dallas?".

As expected, there were lot of arguments swing about who the Queen Mother of Jeruselem represented in the bible. Debate was unusually passionate for a meeting and soon members started getting angry with opposite sides of each argument. Most conversatives argued Dazza Dallas was still be best candidate as the Whore of Babylon but many disagreed believing she was the modern day Tamar. Others argued she was the modern day Gomer. Some believe Dazza is actually the modern version of Jezebel.

No one could agree as Dazza Dallas fulfills many attributes of the Great whore, Jezebel, Gomer and Tamar - but she does not conform to any.

Soon things got ugly and the theologians soon started throwing punches and kicking. Police were called in to stop the fighting and the fighting theologians were told to behave or face up to an audience with Princess Marie-Antoinette Dallas. Knowing what Marie was like, they all soon complied.

Debate chairman said
"We all behaved like gooses today. It's not normal for us to start actually assaulting each other. To be honest, no one won the debate. Each had good points like Dazza Dallas being a Queen mother - and hence Jezebel. The Great Whore proponents pushed their case, many using Revelations. The Gomerists had some say but the argument was quite weak. Some thought Dazza was more like Tamar and they had a strong case. But in the end, we could not find any decisive winner since this enigmatic Dazza Dallas is not either of them it seems. We'd all like to apologise for our behaviour. Next time, we'll learn too not get involved in this argument. I think we should be alright for the next topic, which is Was Judas a homosexual ..."

*Pumb!*

*Ping!*

*Puh-TOI-OI-OI-OI-OING!*

*Ppt.*

Implausibly, but when has credibility ever been a factor for consideration?, Tracker Edwards was the first to react. The veteran sportswriter ploughed into Jack De Berlanger, with a tackle that in darker sporting times would have seen him attract the attention of the national rugby union team manager (though his lack of Northlandish blood would have counted against him); sending the younger man sprawling and his weapon flying out of his hand and tumbling down into the mass of blue, green and chubby pink bodies.

De Berlanger struggled but Edwards laid another solid punch on his jaw, with a venom possible only from days of pent-up anger, or possibly an illicit dose of RP-inin. Though the crowds had parted, a few of the more hardy C&M supporters had reluctantly pulled themselves away from facing the early stage of the match and were piling in on the stricken assassin. Apprehending a gun-wielding maniac wasn’t an experience that most of them had been through before – C&M, for all its flaws, being a little light on violent crime in general – and agreed later that it was really something to tell the grandkids.

Lyndon Hernández viewed the scene with a glazed expression, and checked for one final time to make sure that, against all probability, his neck had not in fact been reduced to a bloody pulp. He glanced towards the plastic chair immediately behind him, which now included a satisfyingly bullety hole, and then up towards the roof at other end of the Arène des Vals, where Joe Melbourne was sitting with his legs dangling, alongside a protesting goblin.

“Well… Not that I have a problem with people pointing offensive weapons at me, happens all the time, but I really wasn’t anticipating that to happen tod… No-one’s listening to me are they?” he mused, as the bravest of a group of nervous Septentrionian stewards attempted to apprehend Jack De Berlanger. “Right, um, look, I’m just going to go, yeah? Things to do, people to… deal with…”

Hernández blinked twice, and then scarpered as quickly as he could. Which wasn’t especially so, since his route took him through row after row of football fans. The former minister would never come into close proximity with so many knees for the rest of his life.

Inches away from the heavily-stewarded gantry leading to the roof, the tide of bodies of bodies suddenly shot upwards, taking Hernández clean off his feet. The origin of the roar was obvious. He was now in amongst Starblaydi supporters – human ones, regrettably – who rose as one as Batou Nakamura fired the reigning champions into a fourth-minute lead. On the field at least this was going to be an utter massacre, extra RP-inin or no.

Hernández dropped to his hands and knees, and crawled under the mass of prematurely partying Starblaydi as best he could, before diving through a luminous yellow barrier. The stewards here moved to give chase, but a quick cry of “Candelarian government! Official dispensation from Ourseville! Nothing to worry about!” appeared to satisfy their hunger for the quiet life.

Moments later, and he was barely a metre behind Melbourne. His successor remained oblivious to his presence; still cradling the bwca under one arm, a small box with the other, and staring furtively at the pitch from his lofty perch. Hernández caught his breath, winced as Joel Sbaïz barely turned a Diamontii Di Bradini shot around the post, and toyed with the idea of pushing Melbourne gently to his death in front of the watching trillions. As plans went, it had genuine appeal, but strictly speaking the new minister hadn’t actually done anything remotely worthy of such a fate yet. Apart from generally being a tit, of course.

“Y’know,” Hernández said as cheerfully as he could manage, over the whistling of the mountain wind, “This really is a blast from the past.”

Melbourne turned, but his balance was shaken. He let go of the bwca, which vanished happily in an instant, and grabbed onto the curving roof for support.

“’Cos, years ago, I was forever having to coax Candelariasians down from tall buildings. Mostly in Kura-Pelland, admittedly, but still… It’s like old times!”

“Fuck you,” Melbourne replied limply. “Damnit, Lyndon, this isn’t your concern anymore!”

“You reckon? All this time, I’ve known there was something wrong with you… All this faux naivety… Oh you’re good, I’ll give you that! But the little things gave you away, y’see. Referring to the national football team as ‘they’ rather than ‘we’, for one thing. No real Candelariasian would do that, not these days… And your bearing, and your pudding bowl haircut… There’s only on excuse for that! You’re an elf, aren’t you! And I don’t know what you’ve got planned, but you’ve got the squad doubled-up on RP-inin, I know that much! What deal have you got going with the Kura-Pellandi government, eh? Whatever, you were clearly hoping that the C&M team would make it this far… that the whole of the country would be watching these moments… What was my little buddy Llewellyn intended for, hm? What’s in the box, ‘Joe’.”

Melbourne stared up at him blankly, as a collective ooh! went up around them. Hernández risked a glance towards the pitch, and hated himself for it. Even heaven-know-how-many-miles away from the Candelarias, you couldn’t help but be infected by the national obsession. Even at a time like this, it mattered whether or not the Big Blues could somehow find an equaliser against the world champions.

“Lyndon…” Melbourne blinked. “What are you talking about?”

“You can’t run, Melbourne. Or whatever your name really is. The only way is down. The authorities will be here sooner or later… If you want leniency, I’d suggest you’d better talk.”

“Look,” Melbourne replied slowly, his voice shaking, “I’m doing this for us. For all of us, for the whole country. It’s time, Lyndon! We can’t keep lying to them forever, and they’re ready. The Candelariasian people have to know the truth and here, in front of the world, at a game commanding perhaps a ninety-five per cent audience share… this is the place to do it.

“And I’m not an elf, Lyndon,” he continued. “Not as far as I know, anyway. I’ve taken the trouble to learn a few elven tongues, sure, and no – I couldn’t give a fig about the ‘Big Blues’, not really. They’re not ‘we’. And I don’t know anything about this extra RP-inin… As far as I can see, ‘our’ players are just playing out of their skin here. I’m just Joseph Rupert Melbourne, from Saurin, who wasn’t a very good solicitor and opted for politics instead. And I just about snuck into the House on the MLP list, and I was given the M.O.R.T. because Morton didn’t trust any of her colleagues sufficiently to hand them the most powerful office of state in the country. I’m just Joe Melbnn, fm Bv…”

To Hernández’s amazement, Melbourne was sobbing. “’Nd… And I never wanted to be famous, and I still don’t, and I don’t want to be remembered as the man who changed C&M forever… But I have to, Lyndon! I’m not like you. I have a conscience. You… you killed people, or had them killed, and you imprisoned people forever, at the drop of a hat. Bad people, sometimes, sure… But sometimes people who just asked the right questions. They never deserved it, Lyndon. The Candelariasian people don’t deserve this. It’s time we changed. It’s time we grew up. And you have to let me finish this… I promise you, I’d never hurt anyone…”

Hernández’s eyes bulged. “Um, hello?! What about your flunky, well my flunky, also, but also your flunky; brandishing a gun on me all of fifteen minutes ago?!”

“Oh. Did he?”

“Yeah, sorry,” a voice came from behind them. “I think we might’ve got our wires crossed a bit there, boss. But I couldn’t just stand there and let Hernández ruin everything, could I? Can’t this time, either…”

“Jack. How did you even get here?” Hernández asked sharply.

De Berlanger shrugged. “The stewards surrendered. Plus, I ran quite quickly. Anyhoo…”

“Jack, I don’t know what Melbourne’s told you, but when I recruited you –”

“When you recruited him?”

“When he recruited me,” Jack said calmly, “He told me we’d be doing this. Together. Changing the very face of Candelaria And Marquez…”

“Eventually, yes, but –”

“But I haven’t got that kind of patience, Mr Hernández. I’ve been waiting for this chance pretty much my whole life, after what they did to Cara. So I’m sorry, but I have to help Melbourne.”

The politicians glanced at each other.

“Not that I’m not entirely grateful, Jack,” Melbourne said, “But, out of interest… who’s Cara?”

Hernández nodded in agreement. Jack merely gawped at them both. “Er… My sister? The one who was stolen by the colony of Tylwyth Teg whose gates to this world open onto the moors near Lesperance? Seriously? Neither of you two knew this?! I thought at least one of you… For God’s sake, what kind of an outfit did either of you run?! D’you not keep records of this?! Or are you so blasé about how your revolting little immigration policy effects real, proper, human Candelariasians that you’ll just ignore the crimes of ‘our’ non-humans?! GODAMNIT!! We always knew that it was them, but no-one would listen… It almost killed my mum, even after we moved to Marquez. How d’you get over something like that?! How’re you supposed to…”

“I’m sorry,” Hernández whispered. “I didn’t know. I…”

“And I’m sorry too, Jack. Obviously there was quite a lot about you I hadn’t noticed…” Melbourne turned towards Hernández. “But this merely serves to underline my point, Lyndon. We have to tell them. Tell everybody. Now.”

Hernández waved an irritable hand, as Chen Myung-Bo shot tamely at Sbaïz. “I think not. In any case, there’s not much you can do about it now, is there? You can’t drop a bwca live onto TV1 if he’s buggered off…”

“That’s a pity, yeah… But he served his purpose, really. Plans are already in motion, Lyndon. Right about… now…”

***

“Nonononono, Matty, look. What was that pass for, eh? What did you think that was going to achieve? We’re one-nil down, there’s no point playing keep-ball, is there? All these little sideways passes? What should you have done there?”

“Hoof it up to Vélez, gaffer?”

“What? No! No, come on lad, you’re better than that! You’re not just a destroyer, kid; I don’t care how Organ plays you at Albrecht. When you’re with the national team we expect more of you – and you’ve got the talent to deliver. Honestly, you just need to trust yourself a little more. Did y’not see that perfect pass on to Jos?”

“Yeah, but… I can’t…”

“What, you think it’s not your responsibility, Corradini? Get with the times! Ben’s watching your back. Get your head up, notice what’s on. And if there’s nothing; go forward yourself! Believe in yourself. You’re better than you think you are…”

***

“…nd your name…?”

“Niv Cohen, sir. See-Oh-Aitch-Ee-En.”

“..ee-en… Right. You’re a strapping young lad, aren’t you?”

“I’m on the books at MN Smith. They reckon I might make it as a professional…”

“That’s that little Bove club, isn’t it?”

“Yeah. We’re really going places, though! Although I’m an A.Turks fan, really. I really hope I can play for them one day. And the Big Blues, of course.”

“Right… What position?”

“Right wing.”

“Well, you keep at it, Niv. I’ll reserve a spot on the squad for the forty-second World Cup for yeh…”

“Thanks, Mr Baker!”

“…nd your name is…?”

***

“Stevie! You should get in there a bit more, y’know, when the corners’re coming in. You’ve got a pretty decent head on those shoulders, don’t be afraid to make a play for the ball. You keep that up, you could get half a dozen goals a season from headed corners, and that could make all the difference to us… Oh, and by the way, Williams?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m giving you a start in the CMS Cup on Wednesday. G’luck…”

***

He was going to be sick and, with his mask wrapped tightly around his face, it wasn’t going to be pretty.

Matteo Corradini hadn’t even been looking, initially, and had turned away from his private misery of being the captain of a team certain to be pulled apart over the remaining seventy-something minutes, only in response to the gasps of horror from the crowd.

Fantastico, was his morose first reaction to the pitch invasion. Streakers were becoming a real problem at this World Cup.

Except it wasn’t a streaker, was it? It was a fully-clothed, thin old man; appearing in a ball of yellow sparks around a metre above the centre-circle. He stood up, dusted himself down, gave a shy little wave to the crowd, and appeared to be, for all the world, and give or take eight years or so; Mark Baker. Former C&M manager Mark Baker. The one who had first selection Corradini for the senior squad. The dead Mark Baker.

He’d lent over to Connor Mengucci and asked him what the score was, in a voice clearly notable for its Mark Bakerness. Then he whispered some words of advice in Connor’s ear and wandered off to take his place alongside an ashen-faced Kris Healy in the C&M dugout.

And what was it old Benji Fu had said, after Baker’s body was finally dredged up from the depths of Albrecht harbour? Don’t believe everything those bastards up Robinson House way tell you? It had seemed like wishful thinking, denial from one of Baker’s true disciples, but… There he was. As clear as day. Waving.

The game restarted, and Jamie González played the ball to Corradini’s feet. The captain readied himself to pass it back to the Arrigo Portuguese midfielder, but Ricky England had blocked his way and was moving in quick. Dionísio and Niv Cohen looked like distance blobs.

And so he ran with the ball, dribbling through the challenge of a baffled Wen Tze-shu, who plainly hadn’t prepared for this. The way was clear – Bazrador Drakkiborgo stood between Corradini and the ‘keeper, but offered little in the way of height. The captain shut his eyes and fired…

And Caleb Westwood pushed it round the post. González rushed up to the corner spot, but Cohen was already there – he’d been playing poorly, but the Albrecht Turkish starlet had his place on the right side of midfield and wasn’t about to give it up for anyone. He delivered the corner, and Steven Williams clambered through the mess of bodies to get his head on the ball. They’d equalised, and the manager had seemed most pleased with it.

Both of them.

***

“Bu-bu-bu-bu?” Hernández ventured.

“The thinking was: after all these years, it’ll be pretty hard to convince the bulk of the Candelariasian populace that they share their planet with… y’know… everything we do do. But Mark Baker? The semi-legendary former manager of the Big Blues? The one who took his own life, and whose body was recovered years ago? Arriving in the middle of the pitch with a big yellow poof? People can’t just put that sort of thing down to a flight of fancy, can they? What better way to underline the fallibility of the state?”

“I… Right. Okay. Fine. God… And what’s going to happen to him now?”

“Whatever he likes, Lyndon. He’s a free man. I expect he’s going to cause no end of trouble,” Melbourne added, grinning.

“You’re a bastard,” Hernández told him flatly.

“To be fair,” Jack added brightly, “You haven’t seen what’s in the box, yet.”

Hernández sighed. “What’s in the box, Joe?”

“Beans, Lyndon. Singing beans. All ready for a pitch invasion.”

“Everyone already knows about the beans, though…”

“They know of the beans. They don’t know about their collective intelligence, their demands for equal status as Candelariasian citizens. The people of C&M are about to abruptly discover the largest ethnic minority community in the country!”

“Not necessarily…”

In a flash, Hernández dived forwards, grabbing the box. Melbourne flinched, and for a second looked millimetres away from plunging to his death in front of a trillion television screens. Jack rushed towards him just in time however, and pulled him to safety, while Hernández backed slowly away, box in arms, backwards up the sharp slope of the roof.

“Lyndon… Hand me back the box…”

“I can’t let you do this… Baker’s bad enough, but this? The effects would be catastrophic, you’ve no idea…”

He motioned as though to toss the box over the other side of the stadium, but a roar from the crowd seemed to shake the arena to its very foundations. He clung on to a railing with one hand, while Melbourne shook himself free of Jack’s grasp and pulled himself forwards, closer to the edge.

“Don’t you dare drop that box!”

“You were about to!”

“It’s got a little parachute that needs to be pulled! There’ll be hell to pay if –”

Throwing caution to the wind, Melbourne interrupted himself and lunged up the roof. He grasped at Hernández’s legs, causing the former minister to topple onto his back. They rolled, and the box suddenly became an irrelevance. All that mattered now was the Minister for Rational Thought and the Minister for Remedial Teaching, and only one of them was going to get out of this.

Jack groaned, and took a step forwards to drag them apart but…

But he couldn’t. For in less than a second; the box had gone, and Hernández had gone, and Melbourne had gone. Gone from the roof, and falling down, falling for an eternity, and onto the concrete paving surrounding the Arène des Vals.

And the noise.

While Jack waited there on the roof, for the stewards and the police, he knew he’d never forget the noise they’d made.

***

There was a collective thought in the stands of the Arène de Vals reserved for travelling Candelariasians as the referee blew the final whistle of the C&M verses Starblaydia clash in the last sixteen of the World Cup, and it went like this:

We – we, we the people of the Candelarias, because it took all of us, not just eleven men and two substitutes and Kris Healy – we’ve just beaten Starblaydia, perhaps the greatest footballing nation in the world. The reigning champions, and we’ve knocked them out in the last sixteen!

And we beat that defence twice, thanks to Stevie Williams and that beautiful Tommy Smith run and shot. And it wasn’t just those two goals either – we deserved this, y’know? We really did. The lads were inspired.

And on this form, we can beat Zwangzug. We lost the last game four-nil? So what? We smashed Bettia, didn’t we? Bring on Ourseville!

But, also, and we really hate to bring this up, and we’ve done our best to ignore the little dudes with the helmets and pigtails an’ everything, but… That was Mark Baker, wasn’t it? Appearing out of thin air in the middle of the stadium? Y’know, the dead Mark Baker?

And that’s just plain weird. And I reckon we need some answers this time, don’t you?

OLHO NO LANCE! YOUR SPORTS MAGAZINE!
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WORLD CUP 42 – CAFUNDÉU AND SEPTENTRIONIA
Full coverage – including comments from Breno Gavião, notes by Sílvio Ruiz and interviews by César Lang
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WIN OVER DEBTORS GIVES CAFUNDÉU THE CHANCE OF A HISTORIC CAMPAIGN

http://img257.imageshack.us/img257/7919/wc42tbused3qe2.jpg (http://imageshack.us)
Players commemorate first goal of the game

Many interesting things happened in Cafundó do Juta today inside the Rei Albieri Van Tocco stadium. The most important, of course, was the game involving Cafundéu and Sorthern Northland. But, before the game started, many things happened. First, the Empress Alice Van Tocco arrived at the stadium, being praised by the population. Later, she started to talk about a letter written by the military police leader from Cafundéu Wladmir Plotta, who wrote about all the crimes committed by the Sorthern Northland players, staff and supporters. After finishing the letter, he gave them a last chance to pay for their debts. Still in the dressing room, they communicated that they wouldn’t be going to change their decision to not pay. They said that they didn’t mind if this would make their lose the game against Cafundéu due to a W.O., as they preferred to fight for their country.

Due to this, the Empress sat down and commander Plotta took the decision to arrest the players from Sorthern Northland. Supporters from that country tried to fight against the police officers, and were arrested first. In the end, the World Cup Committee forbid the Cafundelense police to arrest the whole Sorth team, as it would destroy the game completely. Instead, five players were arrested as examples: the goalkeeper Adam Federluchi, the defender El-Hadke Murawani, the midfielder Eddie O’Donnovan, the attacker John Hernandez and the elder player Feng Shui. They were immediately transferred to the Presídio in Carandirú City, even before the game between Daehanjeiguk and The Holy Empire. This action surprised many people, and was shown by TV channels from all around the world. The players will only be released when their debts are paid.

THE FIRST HALF: with three starters out of the team for being arrested before the game, Sorthern Northland had to change the line-up and strategies few moments before the game, and took a while to get used to it. In the other side, the Monopolists seemed ready to make a perfect game in the oitavas-de-final game, using the team that is considered the “starter” one by the experts and with a well prepared strategy. So, it was natural for Cafundéu to dominate the game in its beginning, attacking with strength and offering no time for the Sortherner communists to breath. The ones in black seemed to be always attacking, while the red-yellow ones always defended. But they didn’t score.

After so many minutes of pressure, the opponents from Sorthern Northland could start some dangerous counterattacks against Júlio Sampa. Waywide nearly scored from a long ranged shot, an opportunity that was maybe a better chance of goal than all the ones that Cafundéu missed with Fabrício, Aristóteles, Moreira, Augusto César, Da Silva... after the middle of the half, Sorthern Northland could overcome the practical and psychological effect of the arrest of their players, and the game seemed equal. And, when the game is so close, it is time for an individual player to shine. And Augusto César did it. He received the ball near the entrance of the area, nutmegged Labbé and, after this beautiful dribble, scored the goal with a strong shot.

The goal was exactly what the Monopolists needed to retake the control of the game. The Sortherners returned to be affected by the shock of the arrest of their players and made many mistakes in the following minutes, which helped Cafundéu to score the second goal with speed. Zé Sho took the ball from O’Bagels in the midfield and made the pass to Aristóteles. The experienced player crossed the ball and Silveira appeared to shoot to the goal. The whole stadium commemorated, and the first half ended with the good advantage of the Monopolists against the communists. For the visitors, the “trip” to the dressing room was surrounded by pessimism and sadness.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 1 (Augusto César’s goal): “Ball in the middle, Pinoc with it. Makes a pass to the attack to O’Bagels, but Alex interrrrrcepts it. Pass to Da Silva, another one to Augusto César. Ball under his contrrrrrol, he turrrrrns left, prrrrreparrrrrres to invade the arrrrrrea... amazing drrrrribble, goes to the shot... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! A goal that must have a rrrrreplay! Augusto César, number eight! Now it’s Cafundéu one, Sorrrrrtherrrrrn Norrrrrthland zerrrrro! Prrrrrroblems in your perrrrrrsonal life? Prrrrrofessional one? Want to avoid committing suicide? No, don’t go to that churrrrrch that is trrrrrying to converrrrrt you, therrrrre is another solution! Visit Doctor Armindo Lepaglia, a verrrrry good psychologist, so good that he has money to buy this adverrrrrtising spot!”

http://img257.imageshack.us/img257/4468/wc42tbusedmt0.jpg (http://imageshack.us)
Cafundelenses complain with the coach - a common sight

THE SECOND HALF: with great advantage, the coach Eduardo Bosschaart felt that it would be difficult for Cafundéu to lose the game. So, he decided to send a message to the players that weren’t performing well, substituting them after halftime. In Sorthern Northland’s side, a supporter from the stands that avoided being arrested jumped inside the field and decided to become the coach of the player, making a substitution after halftime. So, with many changes, the teams returned for the second half, which would finally decide which team would go to the quarterfinals of the World Cup. One side was hopeful, the other pessimistic.

The difference in the morale of the teams was so obvious that the game became boring. The Sortherners knew that they probably would lose the game, and seemed very sad by this and also because they were worried with their friends too. The Monopolists noticed this and didn’t force the attack. Instead, they held the ball and made just some attacks. Sometimes, Sorthern Northland could even counterattack, showing anger against the black team that came from the country responsible for the arrest of their countrymen. But this wasn’t enough for them to start a reaction in the game, and the supporters understood that the game wouldn’t change much from that state.

And it really didn’t. The Sorthern Northland supporter made more changes in the team, but the recovery was impossible at that point. Cafundéu just needed to hold the positive result in order to win the game. But they had sad news. Moreira, in one dispute with Keen, feel in the ground injured, and had to be substituted. Later, doctors revealed that the injury wasn’t serious, but that it’d be better if he was rested in one or two games, to recover his physical condition. Without such an important player, the supporters are worried that Cafundéu’s luck can change in the next game of the competition, but others remain confident in the success of the team.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 2 (Silveira’s goal): “O’Bagels rrrrreceives the ball, rrrrrunning with it to the attack... but loses the ball to Zé Sho rrrrright away. The midfielder makes a long pass to Arrrrrristóteles, and he goes to the wing. Makes a drrrrribble, prrrrreparrrrrres the crrrrross... no one will get it... Silveira appearrrrrs, shoots... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Come herrrrre ,my rrrrreplay! Silveira, number five! Cafundéu two, Sorrrrrrtherrrrrn Norrrrrthland zerrrrrro! Nothing seems better than going out with frrrrrriends to drrrrink. And, in those situation, nothing can rrrrreplace the Tombo Maior beer!”

With this good victory against the debtors of Sorthern Northland, Cafundéu once again reaches the quarterfinals of the World Cup. Third time in the history, second at home. They’ll face Bostopia in the next stage, and have great chances of winning the game, which would make this campaign the best of the Monopolists in the team’s history. Bosschaart already announced changes in the team, including the fact that Moreira will be rested due to his minor injury, and the entrance of some new players in the starting eleven, substituting others that aren’t performing well. Cafundéu will be ready to take the next step in the World Cup by reaching the semifinals of the competition, and will battle until the end against Bostopia. And what about Sorthern Northland? Well, they’ll need help to help their players to get out of jail, but I’m sure they’ll get it.

INTERVIEWS WITH CÉSAR LANG: a victory that came after the confusion that happened before the game. Some can even say that the players arrested could have changed the fate of the game, but the fact is that Cafundéu won. The coach Eduardo Bosschaart, much happy with the result, said: “This is the result of our hard work, the work of years. We got prepared for it, and we are prepared to defeat Bostopia too. We have a chance to make the best campaign of Cafundéu’s history, and we’ll fight to do it.” The defender Alex said: “Each new game is a more difficult one. But we also reach this game even more experienced. I hope to make our fans happy.”

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 3 (Sorthern Northland players arrested): “...the Emprrrrrress finishes commenting the letter, and is awaiting for the decision of the Sorrrrrtherrrrrnerrrrrrs. A spokesman, the goalkeeper Adam Federrrrrrluchi, appearrrrrrs, and says... no! They won’t pay their debts! Look, the police is coming now, rrrrrrrunning in the stands, over the Sorrrrrtherrrrrn Norrrrrthland supporrrrrterrrrrrs! They rrrrreach the field, arrrrrrest Alan! This is rrrrrreally happening! They enter inside the drrrrrressing rrrrrrrom, another one is leaving, it is Feng Shui! Other thrrrrrrree arrrrrre being arrrrrrested, the police wasn’t joking, and they starrrrrt to pay for their debts...”

http://img257.imageshack.us/img257/2961/wc42tbused2qa7.jpg (http://imageshack.us)
Augusto César attempts a shot

CAFUNDÉU 2x0 SORTHERN NORTHLAND

Place: Estádio Rei Albieri Van Tocco, Cafundó do Juta.
Attendance: 171,000 people.
Time: 16:00 Cafundelense time.
Climate: clear, 30ºC.
Referee: Stephen Cardinal (Kura-Pelland).
Assistants: Davide Marchand (Ad’ihan) and Lewis King (Ad’ihan).
MOTM: Anatoliy Titov (Cafundéu).

CAFUNDÉU: Júlio Sampa; Alex, Titov and Gaëif; Silveira, Zé Sho, Da Silva (Marossi 45’), Augusto César and Moreira (Silvinho 76’); Aristóteles (Careca 45’) and Fabrício.
Coach: Eduardo Bosschaart.

SORTHERN NORTHLAND: Goldsmith; Labbé, Keen, Obasweetie (Young 63’) and Pione; Pinoc, O’Bagels, Edwards (Halford 80’) and Huwang; Waywide and Karyōtákīs (Hyi-san 45’).
Coach: absent (in the other side of the country).

Goals:CAF: Augusto César 33’ , Silveira 39’.

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Line-up for the game against Bostopia: Júlio Sampa; Alex, Titov and Ronaldão; Silveira, Zé Sho, Marossi, Augusto César and Tobias; Careca and Fabrício.
Coach: Eduardo Bosschaart.
Style of +2.5

Referee: Edgard Katte (Capitalizt SLANI).

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WC Goalscorers:

3- Augusto César
2- Fabrício
1- Aristóteles, Marossi, Titov, Moreira, Silveira

RP Cutoff for the groups in Cafundéu (Sorry for the early scorination, but I have to leave soon), presented by L'Assemblée Nationale de Septentrionie, who just passed a law allowing the Jeruselemite team back in the national stadia!

As Delariun Martoip checked his watch once again, he podnered why it was that he was honestly here. It was true that he owed Mathander a favor after that terrible November he had nearly nine years ago, but surely getting him on board project "Artemis" was enough to repay his debt. So why was he here at the port of Rinaldi, waiting on the three o clock ferry from Cafundeu, that was now twenty minutes late? How was he supposed to know what the young lady was going to look like anyways, Mathander had not given him a description of the lass he had sent. Where was he supposed to find work for her, for she surely was going to be an unskilled laborer, and such professions were almost obsolete in the country, and hard to come by if there was an opening.

The bastard set me up for failure he did. I'll get him for this, perhaps a nice donation from his account to Artemis funding would do. I shouldn't even be here at this drab port, I should be in my nice, warm office in Raynor City working on the paperwork for the World Cup bid. Those silly Han, trying to stir the pot with their declaration, such cheap tactics, it is with good justice that we demolished them as we did.

The loud foghorn startled the VFA president as the ferry began to come into sight. As it pulled into port and the passengers began to depart, Martoip pulled up a small sign to try and get whoever the lass might be attention. As the last of the passengers were getting off the ferry, and still not a sign of the girl, Delariun was about to give up and head back towards his car. That's when a short young lady tugged on his arm and caused him to turn around in such a rush that he nearly knocked her over. As they both caught their balance, Martoip took a moment to study the girl. Apart from her obvious lack of height, it was clear that she had been severely malnurished during her adolence years. Yet for being just skin and bones, she had the most georgeous of brown hair and sparkling green eyes. Martoip laughed when he saw the outfits that Mathander had bought for the girl, as they all had a distinct elvish and fatherly feel to them.

"Well lass, are you the girl Mathander has burdened me with until his return?"

As the lass nodded her heard slowly with those big green eyes, Martoip could understand why his associate decided to take the girl in. Her eyes showed that she was desperately waiting and wanting someone to just help her out.

"Well, if Mathander wants you to stay at his flat and for me to find you an occupation, I'm going to need your name. What's your name lass?"

"Iara Silva sir."

"Alright Iara, I guess we should head off then before these clouds open up and we get caught in a downpoor. My car is just over that hill there, so please follow me."

"Can we get some food please?! I'm starving and Mr. Mathander forgot to give me any money for me to get food on the ride. Oh and how about some football?! Isn't the World Cup going on? Can we go watch a match?! "

"Well, I guess that gives me an inkling of what profession you might want to get into. As far as seeing a match, well we can't go in person, but you are welcomed to join me and the other people in the office tommorow for the semi-final that the Marauders are in. I'm sure that the lads and lasses won't mind, and you might even find a friend or two."

As the two got into the automobile, and headed towards Raynor City, Martoip couldn't help but chuckle. It was obvious that the girl was still young, perhaps around sixteen or seventeen. He might be able to get her some sort of training and get her into some football field, be it nurse or secretary or something. It was such an irony that the lass had a passion for the sport, or so it seemed, for the national past time. The next few days would help Martoip decide the choice though, and the match tommorow was the perfect opportunity.

In the thirteenth minute, Muus Jurin received a pass from Dirk Grosa. He angled forward, weaving back and forth, and, the moment William Burgos began a poor pivot, unleashed a shot that sailed into the goal.

Belinda Littlewood smiled at the goal as she watched the match on television at home-she had nothing better to do. Zwangzug was on pace for another win against the Big Blues, which suited her fine. Though after the 4-0, perhaps not entirely unpredictable.

Speaking of predictions, whatsername, the Yaforite. Belinda's eyebrows scrunched as she tried to remember the qualifying draw. She hadn't had that much cachaça-the prediction had just been incomprehensible. A quarter right, maybe.

In the twenty-fourth minute, Brendan Deguela powered past Connor Mengucci and sent a low but firm pass across the pitch. Rohit Sharma nimbly poked it into the goal, and it was 2-0.

Vidur Chatterjee scowled at the goal as he watched alongside several friends, relations, and players for his club. "You're up one-nil. Jurin's got cleats, what are you doing up there?"

"He's...attacking, I think," suggested Miranda Chen, one of the said players. Cautiously.

"And what for?"

Miranda evasively shrugged.

In the thirty-eighth minute, Matteo Corradini was-as he had been in the thirty-seventh minute and several of the ones preceding that-pushing forward in the midfield. Until the minute that the ball was no longer at his feet.

Megan Kucinich only allowed herself to be overwhelmed for an instant. Then there was no room left to think, only to play. She urged herself-not forward, never really forward, only to wherever the ball had a chance.

Natasha Keller emerged, almost out of bounds for a couple steps, but turning towards the field. A quick tap over, and the ball went soaring. Three-nothing.

Miranda laughed at the goal, despite her manager's continual annoyance at both teams' tactics. Both of them knew it could have been-it had been-far worse, from his perspective.

The Kempner hat trick had been fun, but Miranda's favorite run through World Cup 42 manager had been the tournament where Kucinich was second in the Golden Boot tally behind that one monk. The Archregimancy had wound up winning that one, hadn't they?

Miranda herself was still surprised that the game was so fun for her. As a kid, playing against her cousins, well, that was different. But now, a professional footballer? Wouldn't she get sick of it?

Yet there was something delightful about the simplicity of it all.

In the fifty-third minute, Tom Smith muscled forward. The space between Bennett Covy and Sonal Kaur was narrowing fast, but not fast enough for his shot to sail between them and into the net.

Bennett was disappointed in the goal, unsurprisingly, but not for very long. They were still winning, still sailing. The defense had had little to do, granted, which helped with his buoyant attitude, but it felt as if they really did belong there. As if he belonged there. And it was a good feeling.

In the seventy-fourth minute, Michael Sheldon took control. Real control. So often he rushed the game on or, worse, sent it to a halt. Up 3-1, it was all right now and then to pause, wasn't it? Take his time. Do it right.

And so, he sent an arcing but unhurried pass into the center of field. It plopped at Brendan's feet, which were soon enough on the move with untaught speed. Brendan himself scored to make it 4-1.

Raluca Saltenhuck may well have reacted to the goal, but never heard it. "Hello," she tried to say in mangled Portuguese, "do you know the score of the game?"

"One," was the reply.

"One what? Who won?"

"One vintem."

Rolling her eyes, she paid.

"We lost 4-1."

Accurate as the scoreline was at that point in time, Raluca realized that that was merely a coincidence. "We? You mean Cafundéu?" One vintem and an answer in the affirmative later, Raluca, quietly thankful the hosts hadn't gone out at the Maracatuzão, asked for the score of the Zwangzug match.

This, she was told, would cost two vintems due to tariffs. But, her fellow conversant brightened, half price with a receipt from C-Electronics, Caf-Computers, or R.R. Religious Products.

"What do computers and religious products have to do with each other?" she asked, forking over the third vintem.

"It's difficult to translate into English, but it's something about Jesus...less than threes us?"

Raluca gave up. But learning that Deguela's goal made it 4-1 wouldn't have mattered much anyway. For in the seventy-sixth minute, Jurin scored again.

The goal did not cause Peter Vanderpent to turn and watch the replay. It took verbal urging to do that, but he did eventually.

He shook his head as the Candelariasian defense regrouped for the final minutes. "You know what's so different about them? Versus us?"

"I'm not sure I want to."

"They really like football. You notice that?" A withering stare failed to actually wither him, but he amended himself. "I mean, they care. They watch...the matches and stuff. You know what I mean...Over here, it's like, it's just football, who cares who...or what...is playing it. We're not so different-we wouldn't be if it wasn't for this. Would we?"

"I have no idea."

Peter sighed and turned back to the TV, wincing a little as Enrique Silva de Aviz failed to mark Sharma. And when Joel Sbaïz saved the resulting shot, Peter's singular clap was genuine.

A STATEMENT FROM THE NATIONAL FOOTBALL TEAM OF THE ARCHREGIMANCY

BEFORE FACING ZWANGZUG IN THE SEMIFINALS

We only want to say
If there is a way
Take this cup away from us
For we don't want to reach the final
Or win the semi,
We have changed; We're not as sure
As when we started
Then we were inspired
Now we're sad and tired
Listen, surely we've exceeded
Expectations
Reached the semis
for the first time
Could you ask as much
From any other team?

But if we win
See the saga through
And do the things you ask of us
Watch us beat them, score while winning
Beat the very best
We'd want to know
We'd want to know our God
We'd want to know
We'd want to know our God
We'd want to see
We'd want to see my God
We'd want to see
We'd want to see my God
Why should we win
Would we be more noticed
Than we ever were before?
Would the things we've said and done
Matter any more?
We'd have to know
We'd have to know our Lord
We'd have to know
We'd have to know our Lord
We'd have to see
We'd have to see our Lord
We'd have to see
We'd have to see our Lord

If we win what will be our reward?
If we win what will be our reward?
We'd have to know
We'd have to know our Lord
We'd have to know
We'd have to know our Lord

Why, why should we win?
Oh, why should we win?
Can you show us now
That we would not then win in vain?
Show us just a little
Of your omnipresent brain
Show us there's a reason
For your wanting us to try
You're far too keen on where and how
But not so hot on why
Alright we'll try!
Just watch us try!
See how, see how we try!
Oh, just watch us try!

Then we were inspired
Now we're sad and tired
After all we've tried for nineteen
Fruitless World Cups
Why then are we scared
To finish what we started
What you started
We didn't start it.

God thy will is hard
But you hold every card
We will try and win the semi
Beat brave Zwangzug, reach the final
Bleed us, beat us
Kill us, take us now
Before we change our minds.

Jeruselem Government News

Jane Darian retires after loss to Monks

Jeruselem World Cup 42 Captain Jane announced her retirement after Jeruselem's loss to the Monks in the quarterfinal.

She said to former Captain and current JGN reporter Kara Kool
"It's time for me to stand down and retire. I know there's plenty of current players waiting for their turn to lead the team and I'm not going to get their way now. I think vice captain Kate Sallad has been waiting too long, she's now ready for the next step. She may not be the Virgin Mary, but as a leader - she's ready. When times are hard, she shakes the complacency out of the team in the dressing rooms. While I adopt Dazza's softly spoken style, she's got Kate or Marie's ranting style. You need both in a team like Jeruselem where some respond to well spoken word while others need a loud voice and rallying cry. I'd like to thank our team. We did well in this cup to make up for the mess in World Cup 41. I would like to thank one person who's not on this team. If it wasn't for Dazza Dallas, I'd be selling my body on the streets of Jeruselem. Instead, I've lead my team to finals of the World Cup 42. I think we could have made the final but it was not to happen."

World Cup Qualification - Group 5
MD1: vs Gerainia (3-1) (@ Gwangdong Imperial Sports Complex and Stadium, Gwangju)
MD2: @ Ad'ihan (1-2) (@ Protectorate Stadium, Ad'ihan)
MD3: vs Universitus University (3-1) (@ King Kim Iljei Memorial Football Stadium, Malnira)
MD4: @ kenavt (4-1) (@ Granderson Stadium)
MD5: vs Lingdinis Insania (3-0) (@ Sanhaemun Football Stadium, Jinhwangdo)
M6: @ Kura-Pelland (0-3)
MD7: -bye-
MQ: vs Taeshan (1-0) (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD8: @ Gerainia (2-0)
MD9: vs Ad'ihan (1-1) (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD10: @ Universitus University (1-0)
MD11: vs kenavt (3-0) (@ Goguryeo Football Stadium, Hanseong)
MD12: @ Lingdinis Insania (5-1)
MD13: vs Kura-Pelland (1-0) (@ Cha Beomgeun Memorial Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD14: -bye-
World Cup 42 - Group B
MD1: vs Wentland (8) @ Gigantão, Santo Galvão (2-0)
MD2: vs Sorthern Northland (32) @ Estádio Nacional dos Cocos, Porto Lacruz (1-1)
MD3: vs Bazalonia (5) @ Maracatuzão, Dunboor (3-2)
R16: vs The Holy Empire (25) @ Presídio, Carandirú City (1-0)
QTF: vs Valanora (1) @ Maracatuzão, Dunboor (0-3)

=== The Emperor's Quarters ===

The Emperor had just gotten back home yesterday. They managed to retrieve their misappropriated radio in radio for passage of Lemay and his two pilots back to Septentrionie. In the process, they also dropped off Sheridan, who was conveniently still on board the Imperial Navy at the time. As to the island, any record of it subsided into the Archives as a "heroic adventure against the Mujeongbu and the rescue of 3 national leaders from being hostages of the terrorists." A lie? Maybe, but considering the alternatives, it was better said in this way. And so, another great tradition follows as the Han continue to shroud their history in equivocal truths.

But the adventure did highlight one necessity - to open the Empire to other countries. Despite having a firm awareness of other countries around the world, there were relatively few among those who were officially recognized, by which all Han could call any country anything. What to make of this outside world was becoming a burdening problem in foreign relations. Perhaps only time would tell the story as to how the Han solve this problem.

Unfortunately, it came at the eve of news that the Imperial Team was leaving Cafundeu with a 3-0 defeat to Valanora. Nonetheless, the Imperial Team had accomplished their one mission - to reach the Quarterfinals. It was a proud achievement, which Ioshido Toki heralded greatly as a great achievement: "We came into a group where we were expected to perform poorly, and came out on top, beating the Holy Empire in the next round. To defeat Valanora in the next stage was itself another tall order, but I'm not surprised that a better team beat us. It will take some time for the Han to adapt completely to this new world in which the players find themselves." As whether or not Ioshido Toki will take this team or not? "I'll stay with the team until the IFA deems my services complete. I feel that there's more that I can do for the Han."

The Meice Journal
All the news that fits, we print!
Vol. 169, No. 160 - 26 July 1761

Sports

Body of WCC president Wecoisus found
by Doshese Latissle
http://www.prism.gatech.edu/~gth681k/ns/vephrall/photos/reporters/Latissle, Doshese.jpg

MAANIKOLA, Sirinis -- The saga is finally over, and unfortunately it ends on a sad note as the body of World Cup Committee president Angufams Wecoisus was found in a freezer at a pharmaceutical storage facility in the small northern city of Maanikola.

Wecoisus, 62, went on a surprise vacation to the remote island town of Petaki in southeastern Vephrall several weeks ago, which surprised many who expected him to be in either Septentrionia or Cafundéu presiding over the ongoing World Cup. VNP investigators ultimately determined that Wecoisus' apparent departure from the hotel at which he was staying had been falsified, and he had instead been kidnapped by hotel staff and taken to Maanikola, about 580 kilometers to the north-northwest.

The facility where Wecoisus' body was found was reportedly storing large quantities of the controversial Score Enhancing Drug RP-inin that had been relocated from nearby Kura-Pelland after recent hurricane damage there. It has not yet been determined whether these activities are related.

Currently the VNP is still attempting to determine whether the hotel employees acted alone in the apparent kidnapping and murder, or whether they were cooperating with other individuals in Vephrall or abroad. VNP officials remained relatively tight-lipped about the investigation, but did say they were following leads in several nations, including Yafor 2, Septentrionia, Prux, Jeruselem, Valanora, and Kura-Pelland in addition to Vephrall itself.

Current VFR president Rictavos Izorigor will serve as interim WCC president for the remainder of Wecoisus' term, which expires shortly after the end of World Cup 42. Izorigor has said that, like Wecoisus, he will not run for re-election to that post, and will resume his regular duties at the VFR when the new WCC president takes office.

---A bar in Cafundó do Juta---

“Ansty Road, take me home, to the place where I belong, to Coventry and the Walsgrave, take me home Ansty Road!”

Cue jumping around and intermittent shouting

Na-na-na HEY HEY na-na-na HEY HEY na-na-na HEY HEY na-na-naaaa

TO COVENTRY AND THE WALSGRAVE, TAKE ME HOME ANSTY ROAD!”

“As you can see, the Bostopian fans here are in full flow ahead of the Semi-Final match tomorrow against Valanora. It's unlikely any of them know what they're singing about, or will remember what they sang about when they wake up, but it's all adding to the atmosphere here. It certainly seems as though the team is doing their utmost to keep spirits high with the Emperor still missing.”

“Noooooooooooooooooooooyay!”

Tomer Waterson, the agéd Chief Cabinet Minister (whatever that meant) of Candelaria And Marquez, turned sharply as Zwangzug put away their fourth goal.

“Did my poor old ears deceive me, or was there a ‘yay’ just then?”

The gaggle of minor ministers, heads of department and civil servants shook their heads in a hastily-constructed patriotic fervour. Damon Schrieversmann, the Parliamentary Under-Secretary of State for Competitiveness and Postal Affairs, blushed. “It wasn’t a ‘yay’, per se…”

“Are you pleased that your brave nationfolk are being thoroughly beaten on foreign shores? Y’know, sonny, back in the Civil Wa–”

“I’m just pleased to see Brendan Deguela do well,” Schrieversmann said hastily, after receiving a sharp glance from President Morton. “He was the top scorer when I, um, won the World Cup with Zwangzug… on, um, World Cup Manager 42 for the, um… PC…”

“I shouldn’t wonder,” Waterson replied slowly, “That if our ministers weren’t spending all their free time playing computation games, the state of our nation’s… er…”

“Competitiveness and Postal Affairs.”

“Quite so! Really, I’ve been expecting a parcel from Jeruselem for weeks now, and –”

“What would you be ordering from Jeruselem, Tomer?” Morton wondered cheerfully.

“My point is,” Waterson began hurriedly, before another Zwangzug effort span inches past the outside of Joel Sbaïz’s right post.

“So much for all that then,” the President sighed definitively, “Thank God. Who did your Zwangzug side play in the final, Damon?”

“Um… Jeru FC, as it goes. Player No. 21 had an absolute blinder of a tournament…”

“’Bound to be the Eesse… uh, Valanora in the real world though, isn’t it?” the head of the Human Resources Directorate at the Foreign Office mused. “’Can’t see anyone beating them.”

“There’s been something mechanical about them this tournament though, wouldn’t you say? But Zwangzug – I mean, they can lose to An Blascaod Mór, thrash us… On their day, when everything comes together, I reckon they’re the only ones capable of beating the elv… elven men of Valanora,” the head of the Strategy, Policy and Delivery Unit and the Department for Culture and the Media hastily corrected herself. Not everyone in the room was entirely au fait with all the Stuff.

“Don’t rule out Bostopia though. Mack Hession was right, this really is their time. Although, if they keep the same forma–”

“Oh my God,” President Morton whispered loudly. “We stand at the brink of a potential national disaster, and you’re all talking about who’s going to win a bloody football tournament!?”

“On the plus side, we won’t have to worry about taking on the monksfromanalternatereality again now.”

“Apart from those C&M supporters who stay behind in Septentrionia to support Zwangzug, Tate,” Nolan Parker, the Minister for Sport, said nervously.

“What?!”

“Well, y’know… there’s twinning and stuff…”

“‘Twinning and stuff’?”

“They don’t have all that many travelling supporters, y’know, an–”

“I don’t care. Bring them home. The longer our people stay abroad, the more likely we are to lose them. In mind and body, at this rate.”

“We can’t just force people to come home, Madam President! And what about the regular posse going off to Starblaydia now? Or Gruenbe… ooh…”

The fifth goal went in, and the room slumped.

“Alright, whatever… Oh, between Baker, and the bloody daemons at the Cup of Thingy, and the book publishers’ strikes, and the Continental Rushmore situation… This week had been a bloody nightmare.”

“That’s the spirit, Madam President! Rally the troops!”

“Hush up, Tate… Fine, right. Where’s the man himself now, then…?”

Morton trailed off as the double doors behind them swung open dramatically. A nervous collection of Debbies trailed in, followed by a thin, but sprightly and smartly-dressed ,man who looked nowhere near his seventy years. He pulled up an empty chair facing the plasma screen, and presented the room a toothy, slightly senile grin.

“Mark!” Morton beamed through her best fake smile. “Nice of you to join us back home… I don’t think we’ve met, I –”

“I’ve been taken up to speed, thanks, Madam President. Nice to see a fine lady such as yourself occupying Robinson House these days.”

“Oh, well thank you, I –”

“Tory voter meself, of course,” Baker admitted. Tate Sayfritz beamed.

“In any case, I think it’s fantastic to have you back fit and well, an–”

“You an’ me both, luv. No doubt this’ll be the start of a beautiful friendship between me and your government.”

Morton smiled weakly. “Yes… Obviously, you’ll want to talk about restitution at some point, but…”

“Nah. True, I was effectively exiled for some time, then thrown in prison for several years and my death later announced to my grief-stricken family and the Candelariasian people as a whole… But that was a Unionist government, wasn’t it? It wasn’t your fault… it’s like all those Hispanics wanting cash after what happened to Great Aunt María half a century ago. Get over it, I say. You might even be able to use me for political gain, eh? What better way to defame the Unionists?”

“Some things are more important than party politics,” Morton said sadly. “Apparently. Plus, it’s not as though the Unionists don’t have plenty of dirt on us as well…”

“What’re they going to say? Bring elves into the equation?”

“Can everyone please stop mentioning the you-know-whats?. No, I suppose not. In any case… sir… do you have any plans for the immediate future? Once we’ve formally pardoned you for, ahem, attempted embezzlement and attempted murder.”

“Well, I need to make peace with my boys, obviously. I’ve spoken to Robert on the phone briefly, but I need to explain to them in person. But after that… The world’s my bivalve mollusc, I rekkin…”

“So, you’re thinking of maybe travelling abroad and spending your dotage in luxury overseas?” Morton asked hopefully.

“What? Nah, I’ve been away from home for far too long. I fancy getting back into football, I must say.”

“Ah… Well,” Morton laughed nervously, “We can’t offer you the national team job again now, can we? Not with Healy doing so well lately…”

“No, perish the thought,” Baker grinned. “Plus, that’d be really awkward for you, I can imagine.”

“It would a bit, yes. It’s probably best all round if you aren’t directly in the public eye for a bit. Give people time to get over all the inexplicableness of late…”

“Oh, I agree absolutely. So… A little birdy tells me the Di Bradini Cup job’s up for grabs…?”

***

The Albrecht Herald Online>Breaking News

C&M Politicos killed in Val-Profond tragedy Two members of the House of Representatives have been confirmed dead following an incident outside the town of Val-Profond, Septentrionia, three days ago. Though details remain sketchy, it is now believed that the car carrying Modern Liberal MP Joseph Melbourne and Unionist MP Lyndon Hernández collided with a coach party of Starblaydi supporters, hours after the last sixteen match at the World Cup between C&M and Starblaydia.

Melbourne, 35, and the current Minister for Remedial Teaching, was pronounced dead at the scene, according to a statement released by the C&M Foreign Office in the last hour. Hernández, 46, died less than twenty-four hours later after failing in his battle against serious head wounds. He had long been the chair of the all-party parliamentary group on Rushmori agricultural subsidies, had been appointed as Eric White’s shadow Secretary of State for Citizenship & Immigration, and was being talked of as a plausible contender for the Unionist leadership in future years.

The pair were the only casualties, and their families were informed yesterday. Neither were married or in a long-term relationship. Both their political parties have released short statements in the last half an hour reflecting their shock and sorrow at the pair’s death, while new MPs from the two party lists are expected to be named late next week.

The confirmation comes hours after the body of outgoing World Cup Committee President Angufams Wecoisus was recovered in his native Vephrall, with local police anticipating a murder investigation. Back in the Candelarias, the CAMAFA have admitted that they are ‘still coming to terms’ with the apparent re-emergence from presumed death of Mark Baker, the first manager of the national team, during the Starblaydia match.

C&M exited the World Cup last night, after a heavy defeat to Zwangzug.

At an Jeruselem and Jeru FC event ... former-players, officials, players, coaches, and sponsors were having a drink. Jay Licken was getting friendly with red-head ...

Jay: Well Marie, good luck with the Futsal!
Marie: Yes, Jeruselem have to defend their cup.
Jay: I'm a big fan of yours!
Marie: Hey, you've got a girlfriend haven't you?

Jay: Yeah, but I have lots of them ...
Marie: Well, I'm not any different either.
Jay: It's all good then
Marie: Pity you didn't get much time on the field.

Jay: Hey, it's alright. I was still part of the team. Anyway, 90 minutes talking to girls is OK too.
Marie: So, what's your girlfriend like?
Jay: Tempermental ...

Marie: Like me!
Jay: Not really, you're not tempermental. I mean it takes a lot of set you off.
Marie: I suppose I'm not the worst, I'm not the old Kate. Still, being a redhead ...
Jay: I was going to ask you out but I think there's too much competition.

Jay: Girlfriend might get upset
Marie: Hey, ask anyway!
G/F: JAY, WHO'S THIS FLOOSIE? ANOTHER ONE OF YOUR GIRLS!

G/F pours red wine down Marie's dress. Marie glares at Jay's girlfriend ... who realises who it was, goes white.

G/F: Oh ... err ... sorry!
Jay: Didn't you recognise her?
G/F: SORRY!
Marie: Look, you've got my dress all wet!

Jay: I don't think she's going set you on fire ... yet
G/F: Umm, he's always cheating.
Marie: And I'm a Dallas - I already know these things.
Jay: Err, come on Marie - I'll help you err put on a new dress.

Marie: Don't do that again. You should always think before you act bitch.
G/F: Sorry, I'm like that.
Marie: Listen up bitch, he's talking to me. He's allowed to.
G/F: It won't happen again ...

Marie: Come on Jay, Marie needs help! A Princess cannot party with wine down her dress.
Jay: As you say!

<Later>

Jacinta Dallas: Hey Jay!
Jay: Jewbee
Jacinta Dallas: What were you doing with Marie?
Jay: Well, she needed help to change and shower.

Jacinta Dallas: And you got a good look?
Jay: Paradise man!
Jacinta Dallas: I bet the girlfriend wasn't impressed.
Jay: She was one who put wine down Marie's dress so it's her fault.

Jacinta Dallas: It's your lucky day.
Jay: I think I need a new girlfriend.
Jacinta Dallas: I'm married
G/F: Can you stop wandering Jay! Oh, hi Princess Jewbee.

Jacinta: Cut Jay a bit of slack, he's just making important contacts in government.
G/F: I'd had enough of you, I'm finding a new boyfriend! (tries to hit Jay)
Jacinta: STOP NOW! Or else you'll be charged for assault.
G/F: I must leave ...

<Girlfriend leaves and kicks a table. Guards grab her and drag her out>

Kate Sallad: Hey, what's up with stupid bitch face?
Jay: I just got ditched (smiling)
Kate Sallad: Good, single again!
Jay: Well, I think it's time for a new start.

Kate Sallad: Well, thank God she's gone. Say, what you doing tonight Jay?
Jay: I was going to take the girl home but she can go home in a van now.
Kate Sallad: You can take me home! I'm probably too drunk by now.
Jay: One cannot refuse.

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We have everything you want to see. Because we are Globo Multimedia.

And we, Globo Multimedia, offer you the RP cutoff for the Semifinals!

Bostopia x Valanora result in Cafundéu (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14029257&postcount=34)
The Archregimancy x Zwangzug result in Septentrionia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14029261&postcount=35)

It was a day the Emperor would refer to as “fresh” when he finally arrived back in Fort Boston Castle. Cold, but no so cold as to be unpleasant to him. Later that day, looking at the articles on his desk, he sighed, knowing a task had to be done, no matter how unpleasant. He stood up, marched around to the other side of the desk, and picked up a box slightly bigger than a deciduous leaf, which had a tiny Bostopian flag draped across it - beginning to hum the Funeral March as he did so. He turned and marched out of the door toward into the corridor, then directly across it to the elevator where a single white-gloved finger pressed the button aside the door to call it to the fifth floor.

The ping signalled the elevator arriving, the doors sliding open, revealing the inside of the elevator. The Emperor pressed the button for the ground floor, and looked himself over in the mirror dressed in full military regalia. Red officers cap with a black peak, and the Four Services Badge (he was one of the few permitted to wear it) affixed above the peak, causing the lights in the elevator's ceiling to reflect off the badge and give it extra sparkle. His white shirt was collared, a largely black tie with a single dark green and a single gold pinstripe crossing it diagonally three quarters of the way up. His khaki-green jacket, adorned with medals on the left breast was devoid of creases, and buttoned up. The Emperor's trousers were crease-less save for one running down the centre of the front of the leg, and his shining black shoes rounded off the look.

The doors pinged again at the ground floor and slid open. There were no staff around when the Emperor marched toward and into the garden; he had sent an all-staff e-mail requesting as much an hour earlier. Continuing to march furthur into the garden at the rear (north) side of the Castle, he passed the pool and found the spot on the west-hand side of the garden (pressed up against the high stone wall) where he had placed a tiny headstone (carved by a technician on the CSBS Geesemonkey on the journey over) and dug a small hole almost immediately after arriving.

The coffin was lowered into the ground, the Emperor careful not to get dirt on his gloves, the flag now perfectly covering the grave, the white stripe perfectly placed so as not to become stained by the ground.

The Emperor looked around. No-one. Just as it was on the island when he was around the “Field Marshal”. Despite the fictionality of the leaf, the conversations, the actions, the Emperor still felt it right.

He wasn't a bugle player, so had a recording of the Last Post play, while saluting his fallen comrade. At the end, he looked into the sky and sighed.

“One – nil to blooming Valanora!” He shouted, “In the semis!”

The Emperor picked up the flag and trowelled soil into the grave, filling it to the brim, then gently patting it smooth. He affixed a small medal to the headstone (in airtight packaging), with an inscription that said; “Posthumously presented to Field-Marshal Deciduous-Leaf, for services to Bostopia.” The inscription on the headstone read “Field-Marshal Deciduous-Leaf. Sacrificed his life to save the Emperor from death at foreign hands.”

The flag was shoved into his inside pocket, and his hands found their way deep into the pockets on his trousers as he hunched over and trudged his way back inside. One blooming nil. Third place play off? Great. If only someone had told him they were still in the World Cup, he'd never have bothered coming home yet.

Still, saved a few hundred Pounds on tax didn't it? And there was always a bored tank crew to represent the country.

55 years ago ...

A small girl ran into a fortune teller's place and sat down. The fortune teller was used to this funny little girl annoying her as she lived in the nearby brothel. She didn't mind talking the girl as she seemed quite intelligent for her age despite the lack of schooling and education. The little girl was also quite an amusing character.

F/T: Hello Dazzarina.
Dazza: No customers?
F/T: Not today, everyone must be spending their money somewhere today.
Dazza: I'd help but I don't have any money!

F/T: Nothing to do?
Dazza: Mum's in hospital with something bad. Doctor said she'll be fine but the kids have to stay at home.
F/T: So, nothing to do then.
Dazza: Sis is asleep, no one to talk to. I'm bored!

F/T: Hey, you want to see your future?
Dazza: Mums says we'll be just like her, poor girls in brothels.
F/T: You speak very well for a child your age.
Dazza: Mum complains I talk too much!

F/T: I'll give you a free reading, since I'm getting bored too.
Dazza: I like free stuff
F/T: Just look into the crystal ball, but don't touch it.
Dazza: OK

F/T:
I see a round ball, black and white. I see crowds and people running on grass. I see you running with them. Wait, I see you on TV - talking to the people. I see you whoring yourself ... you are going to be whore. You will spend of lot of your time being naked. I see children, lots of girls. One is ... I think Mary. I see a crown, I see someone like you as a Princess. That's it, I've lost the vision ...

Dazza: Wow, that's exciting.
F/T: It's a weird one, you're going have an interesting life.
Dazza: Cool, I could become a Princess.
F/T: Well, someone who looks like you. It could be one of your daughters.

Dazza: That's cool too.
F/T: I hope I'm right Dazza.
Dazza: So I'm not going die here.
F/T: I didn't see you die, so I can't tell you.

Dazza: At least I have fun along the way!
F/T: You're going to be a troublemaker.
Dazza: That's OK
F/T: YAY

<55 years later>

Dazza is looking at tombstone of the fortune teller. A young girl turns up as well.

Girl: Dazza? You know my mother?
Dazza: We were friends when I was a young girl living in a brothel.
Girl: Well, she said you were someone different.
Dazza: She was right about the future, so right. So what do you do for a living.

Girl: Fortune telling doesn't bring any money, so I run a horoscope web site.
Dazza: So who's gonna win this cup?
Girl: I've never got a good answer for that but the number 8 was important for Jeruselem and Jeru FC.
Dazza: Jeruselem finished in the top 8 and Jeru FC make the cup after 8 attempts like Jeruselem.

Girl: I think there's more about 8 too.
Dazza: Yeah?
Girl: Hard to say, but I'm sure eight will appear again.
Dazza: Maybe we could get back into the top ten rankings at 8.

That went quite well I think, well better than expected at least. Project Artemis is set to launch in a week, the National Team is about to fight for its' second title, and that Silva girl has a bright future ahead of her. All in all, it was a very productive afternoon Delariun, now it's time for you to just sit back, relax, and enjoy the spoils of your deadication and hard work.

The watching party had been something else as the VFA staff that showed up for the event took to Iara kindly. In addition, Tobias Raynor had shown up for a meeting with one of the record keepers to get some stats on his time on the national team and decided to stick around for the party. When he was introduced to Iara, he took the entire staff by surprised when he offered Iara a spot on the Raynor City United staff. The physio was looking for a replacement, as they are going to retire in a few years. With Iara's obvious love for the game, the former Great Leader offered to pay her way through the training that the physio position required, and guranteed her the spot following the completion of her training. The young lass was left speechless and could only nod lowly in an effort to conceal her flushed cheeks and humility.

Stepping aside, Delariun had questioned what the young elf had just done.

"Do you really think that is wise Tobias? I mean, we barely know the girl at all, just some poor soul that Mathander happened to come across in his free time down there in Cafundeu. I mean, she has all the looks of just being a poor street dweller, but it could all be a sham for all we know. Do you really want to entrust your grandfathers' club in the hands of this young woman?"

"Hah! Short sighted you are here Martoip. I've given her the spot after she completes the training, which is five years for us to find out all we desire about her and whatever spiders lie deep in her past. Besides, with what you are doing with Artemis, you need whatever good karma you can muster, and having a helping hand in this will be sure to get you somewhat back right with Elune. I know the project is all hush hush, but seriously, this is either going to be a major success or blow up in your face. On top of that, the underhanded tactics you are using to finance this project and the effect it is going to have puts your soul in a very delicate place. Trust me when I say you need whatever good deeds you can muster."

Taking the former Great Leader's words in consideration, the VFA President had made a call down to Hondo, where his brother was living.

"Hey Isais, why don't you come down to Raynor City for the weekend? There is some things that we should talk about, and we have a few months of events to catch up on. Besides, I think I would rather watch the match with family, what do you say?


Okay, I'll see you Friday night then. Take care of yourself Isais, and say hi to Matharia for me."

And so it was Friday afternoon that the VFA found himself waiting, but this time in a very relaxed and content mood. His brother would be here in an hour or so, and hopefully they could reconcile after the last time they met. Then there would be the World Cup Final the following evening, and the launch of Artemis in a weeks time. For this spare moment, Delariun could honestly say that all facets of his life were on the up.

The path has cleared out now
At last
All too well
I can see
Where all too soon we'll be
We've eliminated
Team after team
This is where
They all wanted to be

Saena-
Don't let yourself believe
The rumors that aren't true
We really can't achieve
Success in Cafundéu

And all the games we've won
We won them the wrong way
Dots on clipboards matter more
Than the games we play

I don't like the things that I hear and see
The armband won't make you listen to me
And remember, I've been in charge of this team all along
The success you tried to bring
May have come, but such a thing
As salvation often goes far wrong

I remember when we first touched the dream
Eleven nobodies but almost a team
And believe me
I have nothing against national pride.
Prazdnyakov never capped
However, and fans who clapped
At his play? I think-no, know-they lied.

Sharma was Namiri's pride
Now with Jurin by his side
He scored two and Muus scored one
But we weren't done:
Poeman cut the lead to two
Time ran out and we were through
Did you bring us to this spot?
No, of course not.

Yeah, scores were inflated back then and yet
Elves still once put four in an empty net
We are the underdogs
Have you forgotten how high up they are?
Try your best, ignore the crowd
For they are getting much too loud
And it hurts yourself to dream too far

There are fans out there that want us to win
Even if some of them come from El din
And for ninety minutes I suppose that they will cheer
There are fans who seek the prize
With the final in their eyes
It's impossible but now it's here
And that's why I fear

A press conference prior to the World Cup 42 final day. In a luxurious hotel in Lasft, people are reunited for the conference between the worldwide media and the leaders of the CCFM, who are also the main ones (together with the Septentrionian ones) behind the organization of this world cup. The acting director of the CCFM (Carlos Alberto Urubupungá), the honorary director of the CCFM (Head Counselor and Counselor-Minister of Sports Sir Erasmo Carlos Jowenguard), his nurse (Gisele Ribeiro), the personal security guard of Urubupungá (Pedrão Queixada), the director of NTs of the CCFM (Counselor-Minister of Marketing Ronaldo Bustos), the media director of the CCFM (Nicolau Peixoto) and the waitress are in the room, being surrounded by reporters, cameras and microphones.

PEIXOTO - "Please, everyone, wait for the conference to start. You can be sure that all your questions will be heard and answered, but we'll do it one by one, so be patient. You are here exactly to make questions, but please wait for your turn to make those, we don't want any confusion inside here, do we? Yes, I knew you'd understand."

REPORTER 1 - "We are already waiting for a long time. Can't we start?"

PEIXOTO - "Sorry, no. I'll warn you when this happens."

BUSTOS - "This is already taking long, Nicolau. Why isn't he here yet?"

PEIXOTO - "It may be the traffic, sir. Maybe he decided to come with Breno Gavião? In this case, they may have gotten themselves involved in an accident..."

BUSTOS - "I prefer to not think this way."

JOWENGUARD - "No, this *cough* didn't happen. Breno is too much *cough* busy at the moment getting prepared to commentate the *cough* game in the television soon."

BUSTOS - "Mr. Jowenguard is right. He'll arrive soon."

JOWENGUARD - "I hope so. The other reporters are *cough* furious."

BUSTOS - "Well, but we promised that the first question would be theirs."

PEIXOTO - "They paid a lot for this..."

JOWENGUARD - "Well, use her."

BUSTOS - "Who?"

JOWENGUARD - "That girl over *cough* there."

BUSTOS - "The waitress?"

JOWENGUARD - "Yes, she is smart. Last time she worked here, she stole the shoes of the Sorthern Northland representative... she *cough* can make them *cough* distracted enough..."

PEIXOTO - "As you wish, sir. Waitress, bring here some food for the reporters."

WAITRESS - "Right now, Mr. Peixoto."

REPORTER 1 - "Oh, food! At least this to make us feel more confortable while waiting for an eternity!"

REPORTER 2 - "That's very good!"

REPORTER 3 - "And there is cachaça too! Oh, bring me a gallon, please!

WAITRESS - "In a moment."

BUSTOS - "The problem seems solved."

PEIXOTO - "Yes, and look at who has arrived!"

GLOBO MULTIMEDIA REPRESENTATIVE - "Sorry for the delay."

PEIXOTO - "Well, now we can start."

REPORTER 1 - "What? You were just waiting for a Globo Multimedia employee to arrive? Do they control even the CCFM?"

JOWENGUARD - "They won the right to *cough* make the first question after *cough* paying... nurse..."

GISELE - "Need some medicine, Mr. Jowenguard?"

REPORTER 1 - "This is ridiculous... but at least now we can start this."

GLOBO MULTIMEDIA REPRESENTATIVE - "The question is... will Bosschaart be fired?"

REPORTER 2 - "Fired? But he did a marvelous job!"

GISELE - "Mr. Jowenguard needs rest, he cannot answer."

PEDRÃO - "Sir? Wake up, sir!"

URUBUPUNGÁ - "What? A question? What about?"

GLOBO MULTIMEDIA REPRESENTATIVE - "Will Bosschaart be fired?"

URUBUPUNGÁ - "Oh yes, he will. We are already making contacts with possible substitutes..."

REPORTER 2 - "I can't understand why... you fire all the coaches after the World Cup campaign..."

JOWENGUARD - "*cough* Not Braddock... *cough*"

URUBUPUNGÁ - "Our reasons aren't of your concern. Next question!"

REPORTER 3 NOW DRUNK - "Where is the best bar to go to watch the World Cup final?"

URUBUPUNGÁ - "Try the Bar do Zé da Copa, in the Conde de Petrópolis avenue."

REPORTER 3 NOW DRUNK - "Thanks, I'm going there right now."

REPORTER 2 - "Do you think that Cafundéu did a good job in hosting this event?"

URUBUPUNGÁ - "Absolutely. We could receive the foreign supporters, our stadiums were excellent for hosting the games, the teams were welcome..."

REPORTER 2 - "What about Sorthern Northland?"

URUBUPUNGÁ - "Well, the Septentrionian government paid for their debts, so their players are already free. But they were welcome by the prison workers too!"

REPORTER 2 - "This is a good sign for the next Baptism of Fire?"

URUBUPUNGÁ - "Absolutely. The Baptism of Fire is a smaller tournament, and Cafundéu will receive the participating teams like if it was their homes... I can't say the same about Estresse Intenso, though..."

GLOBO MULTIMEDIA REPRESENTATIVE - "The deal between the CCFM and Banco Econômico for exchange of players is true? Will they put players that are nowi in our league in their team in Daehanjeiguk?"

PEDRÃO - "Don't need to answer this, boss. Someone is coming to answer."

BANCO ECONÔMICO DIRECTOR - "Ho, ho, ho, that's right! The CCFM is giving us some players on loan, so we can use them in our team in Daehanjeiguk! And, in exchange, we give them money! Ho, ho, ho!"

REPORTER 2 - "Thanks for the answer."

BANCO ECONÔMICO DIRECTOR - "No problem! Here is a present for you! Now I must take my flying car to leave, ho, ho, ho!"

REPORTER 1 - "Last question: why are the third place game and the final being played on the same day?"

URUBUPUNGÁ - "That's an interesting question... do you know which day is tomorrow?"

REPORTER 2 - "Hmm... twenty-fourth of September."

URUBUPUNGÁ - "Yes. So, think with me: the third place game had to be today, while the final couldn't be played two days after the third place game..."

REPORTER 2 - "Yes, that wouldn't be nice..."

URUBUPUNGÁ - "And, if the final were to be tomorrow..."

REPORTER 2 - "It would be in the day twenty-four."

URUBUPUNGÁ - "Yes, day twenty-four! The number of the deer! The purely gay number! It would be too strange to have a World Cup final being played in a gay number day! We had to avoid this."

REPORTER 2 - "So the World Cup final will be today just to avoid to see it being played in a day twenty-four."

URUBUPUNGÁ - "That's right. Isn't this understandable?"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

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ADVERTISING WOMAN - "And when the car gets broken and you have to go to the mechanics to fix it? You have to pay a lot of money and work without a car for days!"

ADVERTISING MAN - "The solution is to change, to buy a new car... and you know that a best option is a Velog one. Velog Automobiles has all the types of cars, from the cheapest to the most expensive!"

ADVERTISING WOMAN - "What about a Velog Senna, the fastest car of Cafundéu. Even the presenter Breno Gavião uses it, and he knows that it is true when we comment that driving a Velog Senna is like driving a Formula One car!"

ADVERTISING MAN - "If you don't have money, you can try the Velog Fusca. A small car, but already enough for you, that are so poor that can't buy a proper one."

ADVERTISING WOMAN - "So, if you're needing a car, get a Velog!"

ADVERTISING MAN - "And it is Velog Automobiles which offers you... the World Cup last games RP cutoff."

Bostopia x The Archregimancy (3rd place game) result (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14034251&postcount=36)
Valanora x Zwangzug (the Final) result (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14034364&postcount=37)

Queen Katherine Alexandra Dallas of Jeruselem was leaving the Dallas clan in Bostopia ...

Peter: Thanks for the help Kate.
Hikfie: Yeah, please come back again.
Kids: We love you Auntie Kate.

Kate:
OK kids, you take care of poor Mum here. Remember, she cannot walk. I have to go, I have my own kid as well Jacinta's kids to babysit. And then there's potentially Marie's kids as well as even Sadie's kids.

Hikfie: I'll be alright!
Peter: Don't worry about us.
Kate: Say, are these kids Jeruselemite or Bostopian?
Peter: I think Bostopian since they were born here.

Kate: Well, hopefully they'll be available for Jeruselem in the future.
Hikfie: I'm a Jeruselemite still.
Kate: I know Dopey, but the kids aren't.
Peter: Worry about that later, they're still just annoying little tackers at the moment.

Kate: Must go!

Kate runs off into armoured car with police escort.

Afterwards-the match, the muttered answers to irrelevant questions, the cleaning out the lockers-Andrew goes back into the stands. It's stupid, he knows, but he feels like if he leaves now, he'll never come back.

So he makes his way into the seats and looks down at the field, remembering all that had happened there.

They'd taken the lead. Maybe that was their problem, though the overconfidence he had so feared never seemed like it was there. Megan passed to Rohit, who meandered beyond va Drake and Titenburg before unleashing his shot to make it 1-0.

Halftime came before Night's equalizer had time to sink in, and Zwangzug was dazed and quiet during the break. But when play began again, the defense shone and the scoreline held. Both teams searched for the winning goal: Zetaback and Zadora came in, and Chip not long after. Geoff preceded Durosa, and still it was 1 to 1.

In the seats, he remembers it all. Unfortunately, it seems, he's not the only one who had that idea.

"You know what you did out there?"

The words deserve scorn. Blame. Yet they're spoken with...awe?

All of a sudden Zadora was coming forward, the ball at his feet and the crowd on theirs. The defense was helpless, and Andrew knew none of them could get to the ball in time.

So he acted out of instinct. Out of a simple desire to win, or at least to have the right to try. Out of a choice he didn't know he had made.

Then Zadora was down on the grass and the fans somehow roaring even louder. The referee tried to approach, but Andrew had already turned and was walking off the field. He never saw the penalty.

"You trusted me," Saena continues, "to make that save."

"But you didn't." Andrew doesn't meet her eyes.

"But you gave me the chance to do it. Me! The goalkeeper."

"I'm not proud of it."

"Why not?"

No answer.

"We can't define ourselves by the saves we don't make."

He looks up at her, uncertain.

"Have you thought about what you're going to do now?"

"Not really. Maybe coach."

She shrugs. "You could do that."

"What are you doing here?"

"I trust you too. Maybe you can help me."

"With what?"

"Starting again. From the bottom."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"The team...you, the first national team."

He squeezes his eyes shut and remembers that too.

"You did it...upside-down. First the team, then the league and everything."

"We didn't start the league."

"You started something better, then. When you made the semifinals the first time? We saw that, just kids, and we thought, we could play for them. We could help them win."

With a sigh of resignation, Andrew says, "Well, you did that."

"That's all I wanted. The chance to help the team. I got that today. I'd already won as soon as Night stepped up to the spot."

The truth is so simple that he believes it.

"So what if we do it the other way? Go around the country. Get kids to start playing. Maybe they'll want to win the final someday. Then let them do it themselves-municipal leagues, high school, all the way up."

"That would take..." The calculations swim in front of him. "A long time, before there's a national team again."

She shrugs. "Better get started, then."

"All right." He smiles, a smiler realer and deeper than he has in a while. "Let's go."

The World Cup was on television during a family vacation, and they watched fragments of matches in the hotels. One of the children knew the game, played it with his friends. Another knew only of it-that it was a beautiful quiet game. And, watching, tried to see its beauty.

On the last day before they went home, there was a memorial to some atrocity or another. Beyond it was a big screen, astonishingly many people gathered around, being together, watching the World Cup final. And as they walked around that end of the city, if it hadn't been the beginning all along, every restaurant had the same image on the screen.

They stayed put to watch the final minutes. And if a penalty is how a game like that had to end-well, all stories had to end somewhere. The stranger to the game looked at the goalkeeper, looked for something to understand. But the people huddling in the square had more to teach: you didn't need to love the game if you understood that the game could be loved.

What then? Any promise could be broken, but it was to the children that the message had to go: those who already had a passion for the game, those who slowly learned it as they went. For all of them, there could be no nostalgia, and the disappointments of the past could not be relevant. The golden ages were always ahead.

But the countermelodies to victory would always echo.

Valanora Times
History Unhistory?

Another tournament has passed with a victor being crowned and over eighty some odd nations being the losers. What have we learned from this expierence, has there been anything to gain through the competition? Where does the significance of a second title for our national team fall in the rapid alteration of historical persepective? The common person would assume that there is little beyond the notion that we are now the thirteen nation to have captured multiple titles, joining the likes of Bedistan and Starblaydia, but nothing beyond that. I want to know what it is that the historian, with their nose poking around for the facts in an unbiased view sees, or how the sociologist sees the effect of winning a competition such as this.

We each are limited to our own expeirences, emotions, and enviroments that disable us from ever trully knowing anything beyond what we make of ourselves. We tend the think that we can know what others are feeling or thinking, but the most we can ever do is have some sort of empathy or sympathy for these individuals. In the realm of the here and now, with all things being equal, all of us are just another soul searching for the answers in the blackened cloud of life. Whether we find those answers is not important as what we do and who we become along the path to their discovery or them forever being lost to us.

How does this all relate to the Marauders winning the the World Cup? Simply put, it likely does not, but it should. Twenty-three people from all sorts of different backgrounds, upbringings, social status, and even species came together to create an entity that an entire nation, or two if you want to get techniqual, could rally behind and believe in. The same can be said of every other national team of any nation in any sport, so what makes our situation unique? What is it about us that is special to the point where it needs to be written down in history?

I have not the answer, just the question. So I look to you, my fellow Vanorians, to think about the question, think about who and what we are, and then consider how history should view us. As for me, I will remember it as the two years in which something purely magical happened, where relationships were made where thought not possible, and history could be written. Only the future can ever trully be objective on such matters, but for whatever moment it is that we are now gifted with, rejoice and celebration are to be had at the marvels of life and choice.

Article by Denthia Opollan

THE ARCHREGIMANCY'S THIRD PLACE DREAM

We dreamed we played against Bostopia;
A most amazing team.
They had that look you very rarely find:
The haunting, hunted kind.
We asked them to play well from the kickoff,
When it all began.
We asked again, they never said a word.
As if they hadn't heard.
And next, their players were a wild and skilful squad.
They played against our team.
They fell on us, but then -
3-2 we won the game
Then I saw thousands of millions
Willing on our players.
And then I heard them mentioning our name,
While shouting their acclaim.