NationStates Jolt Archive

86 countries, 1 winner...

The biggest football competition of the world reaches its 42nd edition...

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WORLD CUP 42
Cafundéu and Septentrionie

The countdown for the beginning of World Cup 42 has started. After the surprising victory of Starblaydia in the last edition of the competition, many countries hope to get this trophy, and they are getting prepared to face their opponents, so they can win the right to travel to Cafundéu or Septentrionia in order to pursue this dream. From the qualifying stage to the great final, many things will happen. And we can even say that for some the World Cup has already started, as the Baptism of Fire is being played. 82 nations will participate in this huge tournament, and, in the end, only one will get the trophy.

The path to the World Cup is open!

The Qualifying Stage Groups:

Group 1:
Jeruselem (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13908050&postcount=11) (20)
Kiryu-Shi (59)
Icy Cold Death Touch (152)
The Archregimancy (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13937772&postcount=35) (28)
Ixania (N/R)
Magna Sancta Sedes (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13907597&postcount=5) (106)
Sel Appa (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13933079&postcount=26) (10)

Group 2:
Northern Bettia (25)
Kereca (45)
Montgisard (N/R)
Wijaska Island (139)
The Holy Empire (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13937969&postcount=38) (29)
Tynelia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13945512&postcount=48) (12)
The Macabees (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13940428&postcount=42) (79)

Group 3:
Yafor 2 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13908478&postcount=15) (11)
Legalese (129)
Wentland (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13951267&postcount=50) (18)
Solenial (94)
Taeshan (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13907605&postcount=6) (35)
Roddyville (N/R)
Kose and The Turkomans (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13945333&postcount=46) (44)

Group 4:
Qazox (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13907649&postcount=7) (13)
Kanji Starter (119)
Quakmybush (19)
Rennidan (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13908076&postcount=13) (43)
New Zomboria (124)
Kannone (152)
Kelssek (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13908089&postcount=14) (36)

Group 5:
Daehanjeiguk (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13907466&postcount=4) (30)
kenavt (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13920721&postcount=21) (66)
Universitus University (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13942898&postcount=45) (78)
Gerainia (N/R)
Lingdinis Insania (147)
Kura-Pelland (14)
Ad'ihan (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13942493&postcount=44) (15)

Group 6:
Kansiov (73)
Sorthern Northland (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13938203&postcount=39) (33)
Jasīʼyūn (27)
Az-cz (9)
Newmanistan (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13931330&postcount=23) (51)
East Ying (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13911206&postcount=16) (N/R)
Liventia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13935855&postcount=30) (129)

Group 7:
Terreiro de Ogum (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13935989&postcount=32) (54)
United Island Empires (N/R)
Zwangzug (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13937873&postcount=37) (5)
Bettia (22)
An Blascaod Mor (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13938626&postcount=40) (124)
Kosovoe (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13917290&postcount=19) (67)
Candelaria And Marquez (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13935333&postcount=27) (31)

Group 8:
Central Prestonia (N/R)
Demot (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13935899&postcount=31) (16)
Valanora (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13907387&postcount=3) (1)
Blouman Empire (41)
West Zirconia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13932452&postcount=25) (101)
Green wombat (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13907710&postcount=8) (38)
Ron Paulovia (137)

Group 9:
Prux (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13907725&postcount=9) (39)
Bazalonia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13918944&postcount=20) (8)
Greal (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13915029&postcount=18) (129)
Arroza (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13931363&postcount=24) (58)
Nuevos Aires (156)
Bostopia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13911383&postcount=17) (21)
Land de Wood (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13935338&postcount=28) (98)

Group 10:
Cokenia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13936919&postcount=34) (N/R)
Yafalonia and Bazor 2 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13939203&postcount=41) (34)
Acapais (40)
Krytenia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13949719&postcount=49) (26)
Capitalizt SLANI (2)
Tomarian (137)
We Hate Football (114)

Group 11:
Lovisa (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14001049&postcount=54) (37)
Linpada (N/R)
Spazican States (147)
Dancougar (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13935712&postcount=29) (24)
Nire and Nire (47)
Cypron (119)
Milchama (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13936264&postcount=33) (3)

Group 12:
Glaycia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13945471&postcount=47) (116)
Europa Brittania (N/R)
Starblaydia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13965695&postcount=52) (6)
Jeru FC (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13908064&postcount=12) (32)
Vephrall (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13907732&postcount=10) (23)
Cauci (156)
KaMaRi (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13926283&postcount=22) (42)

Hosts:
Cafundéu (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13951454&postcount=51) (17)
Septentrionia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13998521&postcount=53) (46)

The true and definitive schedule:

18/8 (mon) - qualifying stage group draw (Oli)
19/8 (tue) - pre-qualifying friendlies (Oli)
20/8 (wed) - qualifying MD01 [1x4; 5x3; 6x7]
21/8 (thu) - qualifying MD02 [2x5; 7x1; 3x6]
22/8 (fri) - qualifying MD03 [4x7; 6x2; 1x3]
23/8 (sat) - qualifying MD04 [5x6; 3x4; 2x1]
24/8 (sun) - qualifying MD05 [7x3; 1x5; 4x2]
25/8 (mon) - qualifying MD06 [6x1; 2x7; 5x4]
26/8 (tue) - qualifying MD07 [3x2; 4x6; 7x5]
27/8 (wed) - mid-qualifying friendlies (Caf)
28/8 (thu) - qualifying MD08 [4x1; 3x5; 7x6]
29/8 (fri) - qualifying MD09 [5x2; 1x7; 6x3]
30/8 (sat) - qualifying MD10 [7x4; 2x6; 3x1]
31/8 (sun) - qualifying MD11 [6x5; 4x3; 1x2]
1/9 (mon) - qualifying MD12 [3x7; 5x1; 2x4]
2/9 (tue) - qualifying MD13 [1x6; 7x2; 4x5]
3/9 (wed) - qualifying MD14 [2x3; 6x4; 5x7]
4/9 (thu) - playoffs draw (Caf)
5/9 (fri) - playoffs first leg
6/9 (sat) - playoffs second leg
7/9 (sun) - post-qualifying friendlies (Oli)

8/9 (mon) - rest day
9/9 (tue) - World Cup group stage draw (Caf)
10/9 (wed) - rest day
11/9 (thu) - Group Stage MD1 [1x4; 3x2]
12/9 (fri) - rest day
13/9 (sat) - Group Stage MD2 [2x4; 3x1]
14/9 (sun) - rest day
15/9 (mon) - Group Stage MD3 [1x2; 3x4]
16/9 (tue) - rest day
17/9 (wed) - Second Round scorination
18/9 (thu) - rest day
19/9 (fri) - Quarterfinals scorination
20/9 (sat) - rest day
21/9 (sun) - Semifinals scorination
22/9 (mon) - rest day
23/9 (tue) - Third Place game and Final*

* the World Cup final will be played in the Obelisco Monumental, Lasft (Cafundéu).

Links:
Bid details, with details of the host countries (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=560108&highlight=hosting)
WC42 sign-ups thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=559344)
Baptism of Fire 29 thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=561959)
WC Discussion Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=536285)
WC42 roster thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=13907239#post13907239)

Friendly requests can be sent to the e-mail nswc.hosts@gmail.com. You choose if you want your friendly to be scorinated much before the beginning of the qualifiers (with results posted on the discussion thread), just before the beginning of the qualifiers (pre-qualifiers), in the middle of it or after it (pre-WC).

Use the roster thread to put your squads.

4 YEARS ago.... Qazox had not advanced to the World Cup QuarterFinals.

4 YEARS ago.... Qazox was still playing in-the-nude.

4 YEARS ago.... Qazox was at a cross-roads.

4 YEARS ago.... Qazox wasn't ready to take the next step.

NOW.... Qazox has made it to the World Cup QuarterFinals.

NOW.... Qazox has stopped playing in-the-nude.

NOW.... Qazox has bypassed the cross-roads.

NOW.... Qazox is preparing to take the next step.

NOW the goal is simply this:

WIN OR GO HOME.

The 42nd World Cup LIVE on QBC.

Kara: Hello, I'm Kara Kool! Yes, I'm back. Not on the field, but as the face of Jeruselem on JGN.
Kate: I'm back too, because it's my job to annoy Kara.
Kara: Yes, there's no Dazza but I'm sure Kate Sallad here would be mistaken for her. I think you're actually related.
Kate: I won't mind that! But we're not related.

Kara: OK, we have news! It's not normal for Jeruselem to steal players from other teams but in this case we kinda did.
Kate: Yes, the Captain of Jeru FC team is now playing for Jeruselem. Celine Sadie Dallas is now in our team.
Kara: Yes, another Dallas to add the list.
Kate: Celine Sadie Dallas joins the list of Dallas girls in the Jeruselem team.

Kara: She joins Dazza, Debbie, Fiskin, Hikfie, Rashina, Kate and Geovanni Dallas.
Kate: She follows the tradition of Dallas defenders like mother Rashina and auntie Hikfie.
Kara: So Sadie replaced the retired Hikfie Dallas.
Kate: So who's replacing the retired Kara Kool?

Kara: Well, I see Kylie Sho as my replacement. We do have two new male strikers Na Ling and Jay Licken but I think Kylie is my replacement.
Kate: These Ariddians are sure talented. Yes, the Shos and Dallases are showing that to us. Us Sallads aren't Ariddian, we're actually locals!
Kara: Jenny Sloan is now our main striker but I think that Sho girl should do well this cup.
Kate: Yeah, it's SHO time!

Kara: Right, we have new midfielder David Carney. He's seems like a guy who can help the strikers.
Kate: Not bad looking fella either!
Kara: Kate is still single here.
Kate: I'm allowed to be looking around!

Kara: Now, we have two new defenders. Wang Hui Bao and Shim LiPing move in along with Sadie Dallas.
Kate: We didn't get them from the Han, they are Jeruselemites.
Kara: It is a bit unusual having real Asians in this team but they are here on merit not because we're fulling quotas.
Kate: Jeruselem is a multicultural place. All peoples are welcome here!

Kara: Now, with Kara Kool retiring as Captain, that's me - goalkeeper Jane Darian is the new Captain. Vice Captain Fiskin Dallas is replaced with ...
Kate: ME!
Kara: Yes, Kate here is the Captain of Vices.
Kate: I'm a bike, just like my hero.

Kara: Speaking of bikes, we have a new coach too. She's friend of the Bike - our new coach is Monique Alexander.
Kate: And our Sister Marsha is back as Assistant coach.
Kara: God bless Sister Marsha
Kate: Coach of the winning Oxen Cup 7 team.

Kara: Now a word from our sponsors ...
Marie: Hello! Princess Marie-Antoinette Dallas here! On behalf of my mother Dazza and my auntie, I'm happy to Dallas Enterprises is proud to sponsor our football team ... both of them!
Kara: Jeru FC is also sponsored by the Jeruselem armed forces too.
Marie: And speaking on behalf of the Jeruselem government, we fully stand behind our teams as well. We hope both teams will qualify. Jeru FC have never qualified by I'm sure under Alfredo we can this time round.

Kara: How come you're not in the team?
Marie: I'd put my hand up if we need someone. I'm ready to be in the team like my sister Kate did.
Kara: We've got Kate Sallad already, we don't need anymore Dazza Dallas clones to cause trouble.
Kate: My sister causes more trouble than I do.

Kara: That's it from us!
Marie: Watch the cup! Support Jeruselem and Jeru FC!
Kate: And ON YA BIKE!

Welcome to the first ever Land de Wood Sports World Cup Special.
82 teams have entered this year's World Cup and Land de Wood are one of them. "The Woodpeckers" will be looking to qualify first time around but it is going to be tough. Very few nations qualify for the World Cup at the first attempt, but Land de Wood have impressed in recent footballing tournaments. At the Oxen Cup they held their own while at the recent Di Bradini Cup their youngsters were quarter finalists, leading one nation to declare them favourites for the Baptism of Fire where they are currently unbeaten.
So can "The Woodpeckers" upset the odds, to qualify from their group of 8 they will need to finish at least 3rd.

So who will be our brave men, well we can expect most of the Baptism of Fire squad to be there and perhaps one or two late surprises perhaps coming from the Olympiad squad. It is unlikely that the official roster will be released until the end of the Baptism of Fire unless the organisers ask for it sooner. With 14 games to play in the qualifying round alone, we can expect to see a squad of at least 23 players named, but I suspect Andrew Wood will name more than these to give himself plenty of cover and options.

http://i159.photobucket.com/albums/t156/daehanjeiguk/news.png

Munhwa Broadcasting Corporation

presents

the newest comedy destined to sweep the world!

the power of the community

the courage of common people

the irony of life

the reality of a family...

I Love My Wife!
아내를 사랑해요

Background - Jang Manchun is a hard-working man who loves his wife, Oh Yeongsuk. But she's not exactly the brightest person in the bunch, and with their kids - ranging from the college-bound Jang Hanseok, the adolescent Jang Nayeong, and the baby Jang Taemin - life gets a little crazy at times. Jang thinks that he has it all sorted out, but the reality is that they will all have to work together to get through one day. And at the end of it all, they all realize that family really makes the difference, and makes life bearable (even when they're the only ones making it not). Don't miss the broadcast premier!

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Ready to Rumble


So far, Rennidan has failed to gather any attention on the world of soccer.

Whilst they flourished in Formula 1, and are currently on a good streak with gridiron, the most popular sport of the nation is still one that they have failed to attract any attention in.

With the death of their manager after World Cup 40, and an unfortunate adjustment period in World Cup 41, the Eagles are back to their defensive ways, and are ready to play against the best of the best.

WC42, RP1: “Cast Away the Emperor”

A Bostopian Air Force transport jet, flying over water

The Emperor was dreaming his dreams, as he usually did when he was supposed to be running the country, when he was awakened from his slumber by a parachutist expert.

“Sire, we're coming under attack, we need to get you to safety!” He said with some alarm, holding a parachute.

“Who by?” The Emperor replied, attempting to hide his concern.

“No idea.”

“Them! They're the dangerous ones!” He yelled, grabbing the parachute.

“Now, Sire, due to the design of this plane, it's best if we pick you up and throw you out, to ensure you're far away enough to not get sucked into any propellers.”

“I agree! Absolutely! It'd mess up my hair.”

The parachutist expert picked up the Emperor, and carried him over to the door.

“Right, three, two -” on the count of two, he punted the Emperor out of the door, and into the air, watching the parachute open a short while later.

“You punted the Emperor!” One of his colleagues said to him.

“And with that, I've fulfilled the dreams of many people.” The expert said, closing the door.

Meanwhile, the Emperor's red white and blue parachute was still heading earthwards toward a small island.

“Ah, good” The Emperor thought. “That looks like a rather soft spot to land on.”

Unfortunately for the Emperor, he hadn't forward-planned for a FREAK GUST OF WIND!!!!1!!093!!! which brought him to land face-first on a coconut, before crashing to the sand below the tree. This wouldn't have been so bad if the coconut hadn't subsequently fell on his goolies once his sprawled frame had just about recovered from the rather unceremonious landing.

The Emperor, already being as comfortable as he thought he could be for the time being, (as moving caused pain in more places than he cared to mention) decided to let himself drift off to sleep, and hopefully recover.

"...yes, apparently they wanted to stay home to watch the Olympics. Incidentally, there's talk of mutiny if the hotel rooms for away games don't have the Olympics."

"This is crazy."

"This is Kelssek, and we're managing the team for the fifth-most popular sport, at best."

"But we made it to the finals..."

"That doesn't hold a candle to the Olympics for most Kelssekians, and you know that."

Mark Tupper sighed. The uphill incline was just getting steeper and steeper the more he progressed.

"I'll be happy if we qualify again," his boss, the chairman of Football Kelssek, said.

Tupper uttered a dispirited, "yeah" and took his leave.

Land de Wood's pre-tournament preparations were thrown into disarray today. With what seemed an easy semi-final match up against West Zirconia in the Baptism of Fire, no less than three goals were disallowed and West Zirconia's goal was scored by a player a yard offside and yet allowed to stand.

Rumours are rife that the Woodpeckers are deeply upset with the result and are demanding that the refereeing team concerned be banned from refereeing any of their games during the World Cup qualifiers.

Jeruselem Government News

Families rule in World Cup 42 Jeruselem team

One look at the Jeruselem roster and there seems to be a lot of repeating surnames. Flak and Kylie Sho, Celina Sadie and Geovanni Dallas, as well Jacinta and Kate Sallad. Coss Cohen is married to Jacinta Sallad and Flak Sho is married to Jacinta Dallas. Sally Kool is a cousin of retired Kara Kool.

Football in Jeruselem is family matter. The perennial Dallas family somehow get someone into the team from the Dallas factory of football players. Celina Sadie Dallas is not stranger to football, as Captain of the Jeru FC team for World Cup 41. We have the two Sallad girls who seem to be Dallas clones but aren't related. The two sisters are a very talented pair with their mother being cyclist.

Flak Sho has his cousin from Ariddia, Kylie in the team. Kylie Sho moved to Jeruselem following the money trail, not that the Shos can be short of money since Flak is married to Princess Jacinta Sasha Dallas.

Kara Kool retired but Sally Kool is in the midfield. Young Sally impressed last cup and is tipped to be next big thing.

Alexandria Times-Tribune-Star-News-Post-Gazette-Chronicle-Enquirer

Sports Section

Milchama Yet to Decide on Roster

In a lot of political maneuvering the Milchama Warriors roster for World Cup 42 has yet to be determined. The problem all stems from the World Cup 41 roster which famously involved two fruits, 3 pictures and other random assortment of things as players. This led to the Knesset, the Milchamian Parliament (for readers of the international edition), to strip the powers of the MFA to select football squads. The Knesset has picked up these powers and has selected the last two squads for Milchama in international competition, AOCAF 23 and Oxen Cup 7.

Unfortunately (or fortunately) in a rare bout of governmental competence the Knesset has decided that it has more important things to do then select football squads. This has led to very weird squads. In AOCAF the Warriors were the Great Alexandria team from around World Cup 23, when the Warriors just started playing international football, of course they were all dead leading to a team full of motionless, decomposing, dead men. Though the Warriors finished in 4th place, their best finish ever in AOCAF it was still weird to see a team that just sat there playing football. Then in the Oxen Cup, man named Bugsy Borker petitioned the government to play all by himself. That led to a one man roster, as luck would have it Borker was super human and Milchama again had an impressive performance going to the quarterfinals, even if they couldn't defend their title from last cup.

Now fans are stuck between a rock and a hard place. On one hand they have the clear incompetence of the MFA who may again do something stupid and pick a dumb roster, but their only other alternative is to have the Knesset pick the teams and that might turn out, if that's even possible, worse. So right now the everybody is bickering with everybody else about who should pick the rosters while the old Milchama international team is practicing with coach Thomas Markin.

What will happen is anybody's guess but what we do know is that it will be one weird World Cup.

In an act of great charity, the Choir Boys of Saint Peter's Cathedral have volunteered to perform as the national team of Milchama. The 160-person ensemble (including accompanying instrumentalist and organist) is renowned for their superb vocal quality and generosity to their surrounding community, but this will be the first time that Choir Boys of Saint Peter's Cathedral will volunteer to participate for an entire country. It is true that the Choir Boys are neither of Milchaman descent, nor of superb football quality. But when asked what made them qualify for the best candidacy, their Choir Maestro remarked, "No one can sing Te Deum like our boys can."

The offer has been formally offered to Milchama, even though the Choir Boys of Saint Peter's Cathedral FAILed to mention from which Saint Peter's Cathedral they happen to hail. "I don't imagine that that should be a problem anyway."

"It was now the World Cup 42, Greal is one of its newest members. It played well in the Baptism of Fire and even reached its quarter finals, a feat never reached by the Greal National Team considering that Greal is not very good against International teams. Now, the Greali team is among the top to come out of the Baptism of Fire to the World Cup. Would Greal again surprise and reach new heights? We will not know until they play their first match.

John Igor will resume Team Captain and says he will ensure that his team plays well.

This is John Yurt reporting from Sasha News Channel."

“It's Day 1 on the Island. Emperor Boston has been busying himself attempting to fashion a crude hut of a coconut shell, and has begun writing a diary.”

Dear Diary. The bloke with the funny accent is starting to annoy me, even if what he says is strangely accurate and I have no idea what he looks like or where he is. I've only been here about 7 hours too. My watch still works, you see, it's solar powered.

Today, I attempted to make a hut out of a coconut shell. The very same coconut that smashed me in the goolies earlier. Unfortunately, I learnt it was a bit small to make a hut out of, so I gutted it and ate the insides. My t-shirt discovered the hard way that this coconut, like all coconuts, had milk inside it. Suffice to say, said t-shirt is now no longer being worn.

I instead decided to make a helmet out of the coconut. It fits quite snugly, especially with some long grasses stuffed in-between my head and the rudimentary helmet, which makes a form of cushion. As for the island itself, I can't say I've explored a lot of it, but I have found a stream from which to drink fresh water. I assume it's fresh as it's running from the island toward the sea, which obviously isn't fresh, being a few million years old - maybe that's why it's salty, it's gone off perhaps? Though if I find some sort of pan I might be able to get myself some salt to preserve meat in when the seawater evaporates leaving the salt in the pan.

I heard through the news wires a few days back that the World Cup draw is tonight. I do hope that I either get back in time for it, though that's not likely, or that someone figures out where I am and drops a newspaper. Actually, if they knew where I was, they'd probably come pick me up.

I DESERVE TO BE RESCUED!

We are delighted to exclusively announce the Land de Wood squad for the forthcoming World Cup qualifiers.

Despite failing to live up to our bill as the favourites for the Baptism of Fire, where we came 3rd due to a semi-final loss to eventual winners West Zirconia, we are still the highest ranked new comers to the World Cup qualifiers and will be looking to impress. Who knows perhaps we may even sneak a qualification spot! Certainly some of our players will be looking to follow in Tom Darkless' footsteps and sign a big money contract in lands afar.

The shock news is that experienced goalie Gary Nicol has been dropped, he failed to impress during the Baptism of Fire and young Alexander Constantinescu takes his place as one of three goalies. Also missing is defender John Bell and striker Katsuhito Boyd who failed to impress at the Baptism of Fire, they are replaced by Denis Whitemore and David Bomber.

See the full roster inside here (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13935338&postcount=28)

Kara: Hello! I'm Kara Kool. With me is two of the members of the team, striker Jay Licken and defender Celina Sadie Dallas who is also known as Sadie Dallas.
Sadie: Hi everyone!
Jay: Hey folks!

Kara: Firstly, Sadie here is 2nd brain dead Dallas to play for Jeruselem. Hikfie Dallas, the midfielder was a bit of dope but Sadie seems more a dope.
Sadie: Hey, why does everyone call me a dope!
Kara: Even Marie calls you a dope.
Sadie: It isn't my fault!

Kara: Hikfie Dallas was dropped on her head and Sadie was apparently brain damaged when her mother Rashina was exposed to leaking nerve gas.
Sadie: I miss my mother.
Kara: Still, she's not completely devoid of ability. She's a great defender and a hard worker on the field.
Sadie: I wish was smarter, you know like Marie and Kate.

Kara: OK, Jay ... you're the Casanova character in the team.
Jay: This team has the best girls! That's including dopey here and you too Kara.
Kara: So who's your World Cup hero?
Sadie: My mother Rashina Dallas, she was hero. It's not easy playing football and being in the army.

Jay: Finn Fumbles!
Kara: Why a goalkeeper? You're a striker. We can understand Sadie's hero.
Jay: Look who he married.
Kara: Trying to emulate him I see.

Jay: Well, we both went to the same schools. In a team full of non-Protestants, I'm lucky to be here.
Kara: You're striker, who's your striking hero?
Jay: It's got to be you.
Kara: Me?

Jay: Always doing the business with style and a determination to win.
Kara: Sadie, you've got a little competition with Jacinta Sallad there for top defender.
Sadie: Nah, she's better than me.
Kara: Why would you say that?

Sadie: She's got skills, I'm just lucky. She's prettier too.
Kara: You're not exactly ugly either.
Sadie: I'm just average!
Jay: She's putting herself down since she's comparing herself to the Goddesses of Jeruselem football there.

Kara: Yes, it's unfair to try get to my level.
Jay: Nah, there's only one Goddess. All others are imitations.
Kara: Well, she's in world of her own there although I think she's been cloning herself.
Sadie: I'm no Dazza clone.

Kara: What's your hopes for this campaign?
Sadie: Quarter-finals and Jeru FC to qualify too.
Jay: I just hope to score a enough goals to get team in the finals. A bit of luck with the ladies too!
Kara: Plenty of choice in this team ...

Sadie: I'm not single ...
Jay: I'm open to offers.
Kara: You won't get anything from me Jay.
Jay: I'm just a hopeful guy.

QBC WORLD CUP 42 COVERAGE

"Hello all, I'm Beck Davidham, We here at QBC are pleased to cover our 3rd World Cup with the Pheonix and with the group draw later this week, We'll be live from the draw to provide coverage of Qazox' group and schedule for qualifing. Aslo announced during the show will be the next 2 Qazoxian members of the World Cup Hall of Fame. The election committee has been voting and debating on the nominees for the past couple of days, and they have finally reached a decision. We'll see you at the draw, until then have a good night."

Group draw for the World Cup 42 Qs:

Group 1:
Sel Appa
Jeruselem
The Archregimancy
Kiryu-Shi
Magna Sancta Sedes
Icy Cold Death Touch
Ixania

Group 2:
Tynelia
Northern Bettia
The Holy Empire
Kereca
The Macabees
Wijaska Island
Montgisard

Group 3:
Yafor 2
Wentland
Taeshan
Kose and The Turkomans
Solenial
Legalese
Roddyville

Group 4:
Qazox
Quakmybush
Kelssek
Rennidan
Kanji Starter
New Zomboria
Kannone

Group 5:
Kura-Pelland
Ad'ihan
Daehanjeiguk
kenavt
Universitus University
Lingdinis Insania
Gerainia

Group 6:
Az-cz
Jasīʼyūn
Sorthern Northland
Newmanistan
Kansiov
Liventia
East Ying

Group 7:
Zwangzug
Bettia
Candelaria And Marquez
Terreiro de Ogum
Kosovoe
An Blascaod Mor
United Island Empires

Group 8:
Valanora
Demot
Green wombat
Blouman Empire
West Zirconia
Ron Paulovia
Central Prestonia

Group 9:
Bazalonia
Bostopia
Prux
Arroza
Land de Wood
Greal
Nuevos Aires

Group 10:
Capitalizt SLANI
Krytenia
Yafalonia and Bazor 2
Acapais
We Hate Football
Tomarian
Cokenia

Group 11:
Milchama
Dancougar
Lovisa
Nire and Nire
Cypron
Spazican States
Linpada

Group 12:
Starblaydia
Vephrall
Jeru FC
KaMaRi
Glaycia
Cauci
Europa Brittania

Please remember that we'll be scoring friendlies tomorrow, so send the friendlies requests to nswc.hosts@gmail.com . MD1 will be scored on Wednesday

World Cup Qualification - Group 5
MD1: vs Gerainia (@ Gwangdong Imperial Sports Complex and Stadium, Gwangju)
MD2: @ Ad'ihan
MD3: vs Universitus University (@ King Kim Iljei Memorial Football Stadium, Malnira)
MD4: @ kenavt (@ Granderson Stadium)
MD5: vs Lingdinis Insania (@ Sanhaemun Football Stadium, Jinhwangdo)
M6: @ Kura-Pelland
MD7: -bye-
MQ: vs Taeshan (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD8: @ Gerainia
MD9: vs Ad'ihan (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD10: @ Universitus University
MD11: vs kenavt (@ Goguryeo Football Stadium, Hanseong)
MD12: @ Lingdinis Insania
MD13: vs Kura-Pelland (@ Cha Beomgeun Memorial Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD14: -bye-
PQ: TBD

The young Emperor Yeongmu sat the table, reading the news of the day. The Daeweongun (大院君|대원군) - former Emperor Gwangmu - sat at a separate table, reading the local news. In a few weeks, their lives had changed radically. Yeongmu had responsibilities that surpassed those of his prior job as Crown Prince. One of the first things that he noticed was different was certainly the respect people endowed him. With such respect came great duties to preserve the nation and the empire. But the Daeweongun, once the seat of power, now lingered with a doctor only paces away to monitor his health condition. He didn't worry as much as he once did. Abdication was more or less retirement from a dead-end job, a life-saver really.

"World Cup Draw. Group 5." The Emperor looked with amusement. The Daeweongun listened in disdain.

"You can't cloud yourself in petty nuisances when Emperor," he said.

"What is it if I enjoy a little sport?" Yeongmu replied.

"Sports can hide danger. You should know that from the last one."

Yeongmu didn't seem to happy with that response. "I've been looking at military documents for the past 6 hours. Most of them are just nonsense, the fleets chasing some fishing boats. Intelligence is pulling no surprises. The last Mujeongbu stronghold in Yafor 2 was successfully raided by Cafundelense special forces. What more do we have?"

"The Mujeongbu are more resilient than what you will expect. You can't let petty enjoyment deceive your senses. All is well only because a few random people are standing in harm's way to keep it that way. You have to watch over even them."

"I wonder what the Emperor..."

The Daeweongun stood up. "I did my best!" He suddenly kneeled over. "I would expect you to do the same." Instantly, a flood of doctors came in. Apparently, something in the Daeweongun set them in a flurry. "Your Majesty, you must relax. Your heart is not in a good condition to become excited."

"I know what my heart is capable of. Just let me alone."

"You have just experienced an aneurysm. We must operate soon to repair the damage, or you'll bleed to death."

"Aya!" The Daeweongun was really annoyed. He looked at Yeongmu, who returned a similar glare.

"Father, you should go with the doctors," he said. "Your health is paramount."

"If I had your youth..." He seemed to want to say more, but he let it slide. He stood up, with the help of the doctors. Wheezing slightly, he walked out where the doctors helped him onto a stretcher. Immediately, a military courrier came into the room with a message. He bowed before the Emperor.

"Chief Warrant Officer Yun - what news do you have?"

Yun stood up and loaded a small disk into the computer. He quickly retreived the data and showed him a livecast message with Captain Hwang Sunjong. "Sire, we have traced a group of Mujeongbu terrorists. They have been escaping by boat, taking advantage of the lack of international maritime surveillance. I think we're dealing with a significant group of Mujeongbu terrorists who are using the seas as their haven, invading countries with ships."

"Then we must stop them at the sea."

"Well, it's made difficult by the existence of certain international agreements. We can't enter territorial waters, and by the time we receive permission to enter these territories, they'll have escaped by some other means. And our navy isn't that big either. We can't completely blockade even one small country without severaly extending our capacity. Our navy wasn't built for force-projection."

"Well, we've got to run these criminals into the ground," Yeongmu said. "Follow them. Use submersibles to track them."

"We're doing what we can. We're currently tracking one small group of Mujeongbu terrorists to a small secluded island. We're following protocols, checking the territorial sovereignty of the island, but it doesn't seem that there are any owners."

"What's holding your forces, Captain?"

"Well..." the Captain cleared his throat. "We don't want to accidentally invade another country."

"I understand that. Pass your navigation charts to the Foreign Ministry, and I'll have Marquis Pak verify the territorial rights for the islands. Keep an eye of these terrorists in the meantime. If they flee, hunt them ferocious ferocity."

"We've called for carrier support, and the Seijong Daehwang has answered our call. If the terrorists try to run, they'll have to run from our fighters."

"What about a land force? If the islands are unoccupied, I want men there."

"I have four companies of Marines ready for use. Armed to the teeth. And I have two destroyers on hand to soften defenses. Although, to be honest, the island looks uninhabited. It's a small island, sub-tropical with minimal, apparent human intervention. One mountain overlooking the island, so maybe the terrorists are using subterranean edifices for their supply and base of operations."

"Well, whatever it is that they're doing, stop them. If they're using the island as a base of operations, stop them. Destroy it. I want the Mujeongbu starved of support."

"Well, I'm glad to have your approval, sire."

"I'm glad to have competence. Let me know of any updates."

The livefeed disconnected, and Yun pulled out the disk. With a quick courtesy, he left the Emperor. With nothing else to do, he quickly turned on the television, tuning to MBC where he could watch the news broadcast:

"... and there's the World Cup Qualification Group Draw! And it's going to be a tough job for Ioshido Toki. They'll be facing Kura-Pelland, Ad'ihan, and kenavt in tough matches to clinch even the third place. Moreover, Universitus University, Lingdinis Insania, and Gerainia will be looking to upset the Imperial Team. The first match will be at home in Gwangju, against kenavt. It will be a critical first win since WC 40 Qualification, as Ioshido has selected a relatively new team to lead the way for the third consecutive World Cup Qualification.

"Back home, the Imperial Assembly voted on a new petition to open a new diplomatic mission in Krytenia, following the re-declaration of independence by the Krytenian rebels. Among the clauses stated was the recognition of the terrorist attacks in Adanac as 'brutal and vicious in nature.' Analysts have long suggested that the Mujeongbu were responsible, but no evidence has surfaced since the institution of a Republican government in Krytenia..."

Yeongmu turned off the television. More news about the Mujeongbu gave him more headaches. He decided to retire to the hospital, to check on the Daeweongun. It would be the pious thing to do.

(ooc: I'm assuming home teams are first for the schedule matrix, right?)

QBC WORLD CUP 42 COVERAGE

"Hello all, I'm Beck Davidham, and the qualifying group draw has just been completed and here is Qazox' group, with the top two advancing directly to the World Cup, while the 3rd place team will advance to a playoff. Let's take a look:

GROUP FOUR:
Qazox
Kanji Starter
Quakmybush
Rennidan
New Zomboria
Kannone
Kelssek

SCHEDULE:
MD1: vs. Rennidan at SaxerDome (SaxerVilla); Capacity: 85,000.
MD2: @ Kelssek
MD3: vs. Quakmybush at Qazian Memorial Stadium (Qazox City); Capacity: 98,000.
MD4: @ Kanji Starter
MD5: vs. New Zomboria at SaxerDome (SaxerVilla); Capacity: 85,000.
MD6: @ Kannone
MD7: BYE
MD8: @ Rennidan
MD9: vs. Kelssek at Qazian Memorial Stadium (Qazox City); Capacity: 98,000.
MD10: @ Quakmybush
MD11: vs. Kanji Starter at Lorax Field (Lorax City); Capacity: 76,500.
MD12: @ New Zomboria
MD13: vs. Kannone at Lorax Field (Lorax City); Capacity: 76,500.
MD14: BYE

We'll be live tommorrow, with a full group-by-group breakdown. Until then, have a good night."

Hamburger Hill Herald

Somehow, despite the distractions of the Olympics and the WBC, the World Cup is upon us once again.

The Prux team, is still trying to qualify, now 22 years after the Baptisim of Fire win. Ever since the Laywers have taken over the selcetion, the team has regressed, but I think they finally have it right. Even though the SoccerZombies, as everyone has been calling them, are the re-animated remains of Earth-1 soccer greats, can they manage enough wins to finally get to the World Cup? Or have we released an unspeakable horror upon the world?

Group Schedule: (GROUP 9)
vs. Arroza
@ Land de Wood
vs. Greal
@ Bazalonia
vs. Nuevos Aires
@ Bostopia
BYE
@ Arroza
vs. Land de Wood
@ Greal
vs. Bazalonia
@ Nuevos Aires
vs. Bostopia
BYE

Green Wombat Daily Tattler

The wombats attempt to make their 4th World Cup in the 10th qualifying campaign for the team.

The schedule is as follows:
GROUP EIGHT
MD1: vs. Ron Paulovia
MD2: @ Valanora
MD3: vs. Demot
MD4: @ West Zirconia
MD5: BYE
MD6: vs. Central Prestonia
MD7: @ Blouman Empire
BYE DATE
MD8: @ Ron Paulovia
MD9: vs. Valanora
MD10: @ Demot
MD11: vs. West Zirconia
MD12: BYE
MD13: @ Central Prestonia
MD14: vs. Blouman Empire

From the first look, it will be tough to advance out this one, with the #1 team in the World, Demot, who are no pushovers and Blouman Empire, who are also no pushovers. If somehow we manage to qualify for the Cup, this team will be a very dangerous team.

QBC WORLD CUP 42 COVERAGE

"Hello all, I'm Beck Davidham, and now the announcements everyone has been waiting for: The two newest Qazoxian members of the World Cup Hall of Fame!

The third inductee is: Yancy Fry. The all-time leader, as of World Cup 41, in goals scored, Fry played in World Cups 35, 36, 37 and 38. Fry's most famous goal came in the Playoff match against The HURD, a goal which sent Qazox to its third ever World cup. While leading the team to 4 consecutive appearnces in the World Cup, the team only managed 2 wins, with Fry scoring both winning goals. Currently Yancy Fry is the manager of Lorax City.

The Fourth inductee is: Sherlene Scheppe. Sherlene is the first woman to be inducted by Qazox. While her playing carrer was cut short following a skiing accident which cost her her left leg after World Cup 40, Ms. Scheppe is the all-time leader in shut-outs for Qazox with 9 overall and 5 consecutive at one point, and compiled an overall record of 16-5-11 in 32 matches. While not the best player on the team, her strength and courage since her injury 7 years ago has inspired many, and that is why she is being inducted."

Group Draw for 42nd World Cup Announced

Yes the group draw has been announced for the next World Cup and the Purple Knights ended up in Group 3 with two other football powers, Wentland, and Yafor 2. Yafor 2 is a former fo=e from one of the last couple of qualifying campaigns, and the Knights will face Wentland for the first time ever although friendlies have been formerly requested. Last night the Taeshan Soccer Federation announced the were and when of all the fixtures for this qualifying caampaign. Also the Knights will face the bitter rivals and political friends of Taeshan the Solenial.

Schedule

Pre Qualifying against Arroza@ X Island MetroPark
Pre Qualifying @ Jeruselem
Day 1 Wentland@ Atlantea Colliseum
Day 2@Legelese
Day 3 Bye Going Fishing
Day 4 Roddyville@ X Island Metropark
Day 5@ Yafor 2
Day 6 Solenial@ Atlantea Colliseum
Day 7@ Kose an the Turkomans
Mid Q Friendlies
@ Sorthern Northland
Am Blascoad Mor @ X Island Metropark
@ Daehanjeiguk
Day 8@ Wentland
Day 9 Legalese@ Docktown Memorial
Day 10 Bye Going to a Strip Club
Day 11 @ Roddyville
Day 12 Yafor 2 @ Atlantea Colliseum
Day 13 @ Solenial
Day 14
Home Kose and the Turkomans@ Docktown Memorial*

*Due to the large # of Rivalries and big games in this group(Went, Sol and Yafor 2) unlike most WCQ we will not use X Island Metropark as much as a Qaulifying game home. The big games will be plaed at the AC. the middle games will be played ad Docktown, and X Island will get the lowest home game and the Friendlies of no importance.

THE ROCKET REPORT

DRAW ANNOUNCED; ROCKETS HOPEFUL

Pocono City, Newmansitan- The official group draw for World Cup 42 qualifying was announced today. The great event, which will be co-hosted by the nations of Septentrionia and Cafundeu, has been elusive to the Empire thus far. While Newmanistan has had quite a bit of success in other sports, and at the junior level of the world’s football, the World Cup is the one thing we are still waiting to get a taste of. It nearly came eight years ago, losing out by the away goals rule. Though four years after, in World Cup 41 quals, we saw nothing but disappointment. A rough campaign that saw Brian Carson’s managerial job get questioned prevented the Rockets from making any advancement in the KPB rankings. They were #51 before World Cup 41. They are #51 before World Cup 42. Progress must happen this year. It doesn’t have to be great, but we must solidify ourselves, at the very least, in the low-to-mid 40's after this cycle.

Newmanistan has been assigned to group six. There is one very familiar foe here, and it may just come down to the two again. That of course, is Sorthern Northland. The history between the two is extensive, but most of that comes at the Junior level and the Di Bradini Cup. At the Senior level, the teams have met twice, once in quarterfinals of Cup of Harmony 33, and then in the Group Stage of Oxen Cup 7. Newmanistan has won all of the meetings except the one where official World Cup rankings are used, the Cup of Harmony. The structure of the World Cup 42 qualifications make this an intriguing matchup. There are 12 groups, and the top two teams advance. Then, the third place teams will have a “play in” game to determine the other six teams heading to the World Cup proper. Sorthern Northland has the groups third best ranking. Newmanistan, the fourth. There is a window there, that could open for us. Third place, if we were to get it, then a game against other third place teams, which would be of a similar ranking more then likely, gives us a shot. A much better shot then the format of World Cup 41 gave us. So, we believe. Cautiously, but there’s plenty of excitement and people crossing their fingers.

Now for a look at our opposition, the top seed in the group is the two-time World Cup champions from Az-Cz. They are the team to beat, but in the past two qualifications, they haven’t exactly been unstoppable. They’ve advanced, and then done well in the World Cup, but they have shown a little vulnerability in qualifications. Newmanistan cannot expect to gain points, but don’t count it out, in their matchups. The nations never met, in anything. The same goes for the second highest ranked team in the group, Jasi-yun, part of the Unified Capitalizt States. They have not had anywhere near the success of their counterparts, SLANI, but they seem to be on a team on the rise. But are they beatable? Hey, why not? Like Az-Cz, while we respect their talent, we feel that getting points against them certainly can happen. We’re confident against Sorthern Northland as well. Newmanistan will make their first trip to the Northland, however it will not be their first time here. They were here for the 3rd place game in the Cup of Harmony against Jeru FC. We feel that the Rockets can do a little damage against these opponents, but if only that was the only thing to worry about.

Newmanistan’s recent qualifying woes have been leaving points on the table to teams that they should be able to beat, and have the syndrome of playing to the level of their opponent. While they just about always give a top seed a run for their money, motivation against the lower seeds is a problem, and the reason that Brian Carson got the ultimatum he did. Carson retained his job by making the Cup of Harmony knockouts, but now is well aware of what he needs to do in regards to these games. This is where the Empire and Empress Jessica will be keeping a close eye on him. They must beat these opponents, if they do not, then Carson’s integrity will be questioned again, and you can forget about qualifying for the World Cup. They will meet Kansiov, a nation struggling to remain in existence, Liventia, and East Ying. Newmanistan has some baseball history with Liventia, but not much else. East Ying is a complete newcomer looking to establish themselves.


Newmanistan’s Schedule is as follows:
Pre-Qual Friendly vs Dancougar @ Pocono City Stadium

(OOC to Jasi-yun/CH, I don’t have the ability to make the special characters on my computer)

MD1: vs Jasi-yun @ Tundra Falls Proving Grounds
MD2: @ Sorthern Northland
MD3: Bye
MD4: vs East Ying @ Southport Stadium
MD5: @ Kansiov
MD6: vs Az-Cz @ Pocono City Stadium
MD7: @ Liventia
– No Mid-qualifying friendlies –
MD8: @ Jasi-yun
MD9: vs Sorthern Northland @ Loudon Stadium
MD10: Bye
MD11: @ East Ying
MD12: vs Kansiov @ Putnam Lake Stadium
MD13: @ Az-Cz
MD14: vs Liventia @ Olympia Field

News Article: Rockport Illuminator - Sports Lead

Are You Ready For Some Football?


It’s that time of the decade, when the best soccer playing teams in the world all get together and decide to have a giant pissing contest for bragging rights (and of course lots of cash) known as the World Cup. However, before we can actually have the World Cup, we need to wean down the world to the top 32 teams and that normally means World Cup Qualification, and last series qualification meant an unending run of embarrassment for the Black and Whites. After being lulled to sleep, convinced of our own greatness by a come from nowhere win in the last Baptism of Fire, we were brought back to earth by a 3-5-2 run in the WC41 qualifying, and by somehow going winless in the Cup of Harmony.
So what do we know about Group 9 of Qualification, this time?

Group 9: ]
(8) Bazalonia
(21) Bostopia
(39) Prux
(58) Arroza
(98) Land de Wood
(129) Greal
(156) Nuevos Aires

Bazalonia: We know nothing about them, but we heard they were ridiculously hard. That’s 2 losses.
Bostopia: Their King is supposedly missing, and that’s got to put a shadow over their team. Luckily for us, that also makes it a lot less likely that we’re going to catch a racket in the teeth. They’ll probably suffice for wins on the pitch. 2 more losses.
Prux: Having switched from robo-ducks to the former heads of state, Prux had to deal with teaching guys like Washington and Attila the Hun a game that wasn’t invented when they were alive. But …wait a second…they actually got soccer players this time? But I had a nickname picked out for Washington and Lee. Hmm…well we’ll get to see if a zombified Pele, at what 75% max can score more goals than Martin Lancaster. We predict a split.
Land de Wood: Back on the map after an absence it’s probably good to get them before they get good again. Win and a tie.
Greal/Nuevos Aires: Rookies. I expect a shock loss somewhere here like what happened with the Indonesian States last time around. 3 wins/1 loss.

Prediction: 5 wins, 6 losses, 1 tie, 16 points. Which ought to be good enough for fourth place. We would probably need 22 points to advance and I can’t see getting it anywhere.

Pre-Qualifying Friendlies:
Dancougar @ Eastport, Dancougar
Taeshan @ X Island MetroPark

Qualifying Matches:
MD01 : @ Prux
MD02 : Off Day
MD03 : Land de Wood (The Hive, Atalanta – 88,420)
MD04 : @ Greal
MD05 : Bazalonia (The Hive, Atalanta – 88,420)
MD06 : @ Nuevos Aires
MD07 : Bostopia (Breakwater Park, Rockport – 84,400)

27/8 (wed) - mid-qualifying friendlies (none set yet)

MD08 : Prux (The Hive, Atalanta – 88,420)
MD09 : Off Day
MD10 : @ Land de Wood
MD11 : Greal (Resurgens Velodrome, Resurgens – 131,420)
MD12 : @ Bazalonia
MD13 : Nuevos Aires (The Hive, Atalanta – 88,420)
MD14 : @ Bostopia

Is it a dream start, or a nightmare start to West Zirconia's World Cup campaign? You decide. For the débutants' first match is against none other than the world's top-ranked team, Valanora.

When asked his reaction to the draw, manager Roy Hazell said, "Well, at least it'll be out of the way - that is, until we go to their place. It'll be a good test for the lads - a baptism of fire, if you like."

The match will be played at Moorcroft City's Manchester Street stadium. Ben Phillips, captain of both the national side and Moorcroft City, said, "Of course, it's an honour to have our home ground host this historic game, but this isn't about any one club. It's about putting West Zirconia onto the footballing map. For the right reasons, that is."

When asked whether they could qualify for the finals, Phillips said, "Any eleven men can beat any other eleven men over ninety minutes. Asking us to do it twelve times might be pushing it, but we're going to give it our best shot."

The complete schedule is as follows:

Round 1: Valanora (at Manchester Street, Moorcroft)
Round 2: Demot (away)
Round 3: No match
Round 4: Green Wombat (at KPM Stadium, Snaith)
Round 5: Central Prestonia (away)
Round 6: Blouman Empire (at City of Houghton Stadium, Houghton)
Round 7: Ron Paulovia (away)

Round 8: Valanora (away)
Round 9: Demot (at Williamson Park, Banks)
Round 10: No match
Round 11: Green Wombat (away)
Round 12: Central Prestonia (at STORMGroup Stadium, Mort Park)
Round 13: Blouman Empire (away)
Round 14: Ron Paulovia (at STORMGroup Stadium, Mort Park)

So once the hosts finally made their minds up to have 7 groups of 12 as opposed to 10 groups of 8, we now know our group, which in alphabetical order is:
Arroza
Bazalonia
Bostopia
Greal
Nuevos Aires
Prux

So thanks to Margaret, we again face Nuevos Aires, we've played them in many sports and generally have the upper hand over them so will expect to again. Greal had mixed results in the Baptism of Fire ending up as quarter finalists. Hopefully we can catch them on a couple their off days and beat them twice.

So that's our fellow newcomers, what about the old hats:
Arroza, seem to reckon they've got 4th spot sealed already, but we will be given them a run for their money and looking for at least a home win. They battled bravely trying to qualifying last time out, but were dismal in their previous campaigns.
Prux are a very unpredictable team especially as this time they have a bunch of zombified former greats from the footballing world and will be looking to make 3rd place their own and qualify through the playoffs having failed to qualify the last 3 times.
Bostopia will be looking to battle for 1st place in the group and a good seeding at the competition itself. They will be tough opposition, especially as they have qualified for all 3 of the previous 3 world cups despite struggling to do much more than win a single game when getting there.
Bazalonia are the top seeds in our group, ranked 8th in the world overall. They likewise have qualified for all 3 of the previous 3 world cups and have had mixed results when getting there.

So it's not an easy group but we should be able to come higher than our two fellow newcomers, and who knows we might just sneak 4th or even 3rd and battle through the playoffs to our first ever world cup! One can dream, but then sometimes, just sometimes, dreams become realities.

http://i280.photobucket.com/albums/kk176/rennidan/Untitled-2.png

Rennidan Ready to Rumble
But hopefully they don't rumble their chances of qualifying!

After a World Cup Group Draw that this reporter remembers only through the bottom of a shot glass, the Rennidan Eagles have been magically thrown into Group 4 of this, the 42nd edition of the lovley, super, vanilla flavoured World Cup.

The schedule for the Eagles looks a wee bit like this:

MD01: @ Qazox
MD02: BYE
MD03: vs. Kelssek at Eagle’s Nest Stadium (Mountain Region) Capacity: 110,000
MD04: @ Quakmybush
MD05: vs. Kanji Starter at Eeorga Choondra Stadium (Oldtown Region) Capacity: 85,000
MD06: @ New Zomboria
MD07: vs. Kannone at De La Vis Stadium (Newtown Region) Capacity: 80,000
MD08: vs. Qazox at Eagle’s Nest Stadium (Mountain Region) Capacity: 110,000
MD09: BYE
MD10: @ Kelssek
MD11: vs. Quakmybush at Littletown Memorial (Littletown Region) Capacity: 75,000
MD12: @ Kanji Starter
MD13: vs. New Zomboria at De La Vis Stadium (Newtown Region) Capacity: 80,000
MD14: @ Kannone

Now, out of those teams, the only ones I have actually heard of are Qazox and Kelssek. The rest are completely new to me, and that's of little suprise, considering the amount of crazy countries on this world.

So, without further adue, I bring to you, the group summary.


Qazox
Rank: 13th
An experienced side, with a relatively attacking based ideal. We probably won't last against these fellas, which is a shame, but hell, it'll be one heck of a match.



Kanji Starter
Rank: 119th
Don't really know a whole lot about this team, but they should, hopefully, be one of our easier matches in the qualifying stages.



Quakmybush
Rank: 19th
Again, don't really know much about this team except that they're part of the Top 20. Not expecting great results against these guys, but a reporter can dream, right?



Rennidan
Rank: 43rd
Heeey, would you look at that? We made the top 50. Very defensive side, and has a good coach at their head. The battle for third will probably be between them and Kelssek.



New Zomboria
Rank: 124th
Not being able to get information on teams in this group seems to be pretty damn common. We should get some wins against these blokes.



Kannone
Rank: 152nd
Still no information... Insert sad smiley here.



Kelssek
Rank: 36th
Probably Rennidan's biggest rivals in the qualifying stage, the matches against Kelssek are expected to sell like hotcakes.

_________

http://i280.photobucket.com/albums/kk176/rennidan/Logo-3.png

Rennidan: Matchday One Preview.

RENNIDAN versus QAZOX

Expected Attendance: It's the first match of Qualifying at the SaxerDome in Qazox, so we're expecting it to be packed as close to the 85,000 limit as possible.


This match is more than likely going to leave the Rennidan lot in a foul mood. Not only are we starting off against the top ranked team in our group, but it's also a team we've never faced off against before. In the past, Rennidan held it's own against the likes of SLANI, but those days are gone and now we're starting to realize just how serious things can get. We're going to, with heavy hearts, predict a loss for the Eagles here.

Players to keep an eye on include; Renna Valladores, Maria Cruz-Preli, Jo Malkoa and Nicholi Drentum.

World Cup Qualification - Group 1
MD1: vs Sel Appa
MD2: @ Icy Cold Death Touch
MD3: vs Kiryu-shi
MD4: @ Ixania
MD5: -bye-
MD6: vs Jeruselem
MD7: @ The Archregimancy
MQ: TBD
MD8: @ Sel Appa
MD9: vs Icy Cold Death Touch
MD10: @ Kiryu-shi
MD11: vs Ixania
MD12: -bye-
MD13: @ Jeruselem
MD14: vs The Archregimancy
PQ: vs The Holy Empire (@ TBD)

His Holiness Pope HONORIFICABILITVDINITATIBVS met the crowds today, after news from the World Cup Qualification Group Draw pitted the Most Holy Representative Football Team against the Schismatic Excommunicate Community of The Archregimancy and the Unholy Whores of Babylon coming from the otherwise confusedly faithful (but mixed with the Judaic influences) Catholic community of Jeruselem. Not to mention there's the animist turtles of Sel Appa, the hand of Satan in the form of an Icy Cold Death Touch, and an assortment of other peoples that makes Group 1 seem like a box of Belgian chocolates.

A number of scandals hit the team, as there are reports that the Schismatic Excommunicate Community of The Archregimancy refuses to play against the Most Holy Representative Football Team of Magna Sancta Sedes. Taking a stance opposed to his predecessor, Pope SVPERCALIFRAGILISTIKEXPAELIDOCIVS, Pope HONORIFICABILITVDINITATIBVS appealed to the monastic leaders to allow the games to proceed. "For the LORD did not spur the lines between the Gentiles and the Jews when HE came to the world, but instead severed the lines and brought salvation to all Mankind. Therefore, why should we - who share differences within holy doctrine - exclude one another? We can handle a truce for two games." Outside sources state that the Group Draws were fixed, to bring about this unholy marriage of schismatic monks, lustful whores, and saintly players-who-don't-know-much-about-football-really; said sources also suggest that their own draws were biased and unfair. "It gets tiring to play your puppet over and over again," the source said. "The hosts want it so that we don't make the final again this year."

Another scandal hit the Magna Sancta Sedes community as the Group Draw host - confessedly a biased rascal, the son of a donkey's hole (Donkeys are the national animal of MSS; seriously! look it up!) - first uttered "Magna Secta Sedes", and then purported the said state to be the "villians of the Da Vinci Code". When asked about the "Da Vinci Code", Pope HONORIFICABILITVDINITATIBVS stated that the book was a good read but lacked any credible proof. After all, the locations indicated in the book don't refer any real places in the world. "Who has heard of 'Paris', 'London', or even 'France'?" When told that the said locations actually referred to Lutetia, Londinium, and Gallia, he said, "Well it's a fictitious novel, so if you believe in it, you'd have to be an uneducated serf or a pagan monk. I mean, if we're going to talk about Jesus having a wife, why not talk slander about the other religions?" When told that the novel was about a sect of the Most Holy Roman Catholic Church trying to kill people to cover up the truth, the Pope said, "The Holy Roman Catholic does not engage in conspiracy theories. We engage in the truth." It was utterly cryptic, but it seemed to get its message to the crowd.


Speaking to the crowd after the Pope's messages were complete, MHRFT manager Father Thomas Aquinas gave a little speech, defining the MHRFT tasks. "We will strive to please God in all that we do, in defense of the Holy Theology and Doctrines of the Holy Catholic Church. We strive to spread the message of Christ's suffering and His Redeeming Grace to our opponents. We strive to suffer as He did at the Cross. We strive to be humble, lowly, and in communion with the LORD's will at all times." When asked if the MHRFT would win any games, he said, "If winning a football match displeases the LORD, we would rather help our opponents score them than to work against them."

NOTE TO HOSTS: Magna Sancta Sedes will adjust their playing style after each match! For the first match against Sel Appa, the playing style will be -3.

World Cup Qualification - Group 5
MD1: vs Gerainia (@ Gwangdong Imperial Sports Complex and Stadium, Gwangju)
MD2: @ Ad'ihan
MD3: vs Universitus University (@ King Kim Iljei Memorial Football Stadium, Malnira)
MD4: @ kenavt (@ Granderson Stadium)
MD5: vs Lingdinis Insania (@ Sanhaemun Football Stadium, Jinhwangdo)
M6: @ Kura-Pelland
MD7: -bye-
MQ: vs Taeshan (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD8: @ Gerainia
MD9: vs Ad'ihan (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD10: @ Universitus University
MD11: vs kenavt (@ Goguryeo Football Stadium, Hanseong)
MD12: @ Lingdinis Insania
MD13: vs Kura-Pelland (@ Cha Beomgeun Memorial Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD14: -bye-
PQ: TBD


MBC Presents...
I Love My Wife!
아내를 사랑해요

Jang Manchun
Oh Yeongsuk
Jang Hanseok
Jang Nayeong
Jang Taemin

*cue intro music*

Jang Manchun: Honey! I'm home!

Oh Yeongsuk: *muffled* I'm in the kitchen!

Jang Manchun: *sniffs* What is that smell? It smells great!

Oh Yeongsuk: *muffled* It's your favorite!

Jang Manchun: I have a lot of favorites! What is it?

Oh Yeongsuk: *comes out carrying a pot full of dead rats* It's stew!

Jang Manchun: Rats? *gets nauseous and runs to the bathroom*

Oh Yeongsuk: Not the rats! I had to kill all of these critters, because they were ruining my garden. The stew's still in the kitchen.

Jang Manchun: *returns* Okay. *gets nauseous again and runs to the bathroom*

Oh Yeongsuk: *dumps rats out in window - some random guy yells and shrieks* So how was work today?

Jang Manchun: *returns* Oh, my goodness, I can still smell the rats.

Oh Yeongsuk: Ya! *whacks Jang* I just cleaned this house, and you're walking around in your boots? I toil every minute to keep this house clean, and you're muddling around as if it's no big deal? *whacks Jang* Take your shoes! Take off your shoes!

Jang Taemin: *cries*

Oh Yeongsuk: See! You've woke up the baby! Go take care of him! *goes into kitchen*

Jang Manchun: *mutters to himself* She screams at me and I wake up the baby?

Oh Yeongsuk: *yells* What did you say?

Jang Manchun: I said 'lovely flowers!' *mutters curses* Taemin, it's daddy! Stop crying please! *picks up baby, still crying* It's okay. It's okay. Go to sleep. *sings* Go to sleep... go to sleep... go to sleep *forgets the rest of the lyrics, 'do-da's the rest* do-do-da... do-do-da...

Jang Taemin: *burps and vomits*

Jang Manchun: Aygu! What are you doing that for? I'm cradling you and you...

Jang Taemin: *crying gets worse*

Jang Manchun: It's okay. Burp and vomit all over my shirt. Please! Just don't cry. *sings* Go to sleep... go to sleep... go to sleep *forgets the rest of the lyrics, 'do-da's the rest* do-do-da... do-do-da...

Jang Hanseok: *crashes through the door* Hey everyone! I'm home!

Jang Manchun: *turns around amazed* What are you doing here? You're suppossed to be at school!

Jang Hanseok: Well, they decided to take a holiday, so I'm home for the weekend.

Jang Manchun: *looks at watch* Today is Monday.

Jang Hanseok: Yeah. *reels in four bags of laundry*

Oh Yeongsuk: *yells* Just exactly what do you think we are? The laundromats? Clean that up yourself!

Jang Hanseok: I will. It's just that it costs so much at school.

Oh Yeongsuk: If you need money, get a loan! *goes back into kitchen*

Jang Hanseok: Why is she mad?

Jang Manchun: I didn't take off my shoes *whistles*

Jang Hanseok: Ah, right. *takes off shoes* I'll be in my room.

Jang Taemin: *crying*

Jang Manchun: I wish I could just mute this baby...

Oh Yeongsuk: *carrying huge pot of stew* Dinner's ready!

Jang Nayeong: *chatting on the phone* ... and Seimin looked at me with those weird apple eyes... yeah, that stare. Anyway, he stared at me and asked what I was doing with my chopsticks. I told him to get lost. He really is annoying at lunchtime... Yeah, I met with Nuna yesterday. Her boyfriend is ugly. I don't where she pulls them from, it's like there's this knacksack of ugly boyfriends, and she just opens it whenever she's alone... it's unnerving. It's like his eyes are about to fall out of the sockets...

Oh Yeongsuk: Ya! Turn off that phone! It's time for dinner.

Jang Nayeong: Yeah, it's the tyrant. She wants me to eat... Yeah, talk to you later too. Bye! *hangs up* I hope that you know that was Gyeongsu. She's got a blog and you're going to be posted there as the wretched witch of the kitchen and dining room table.

Oh Yeongsuk: *setting up the table* That's fine by me. As long as you sit down and eat.

Jang Hanseok: Mom! Guess what! I got accepted!

Oh Yeongsuk: You're going to medical school, finally?

Jang Hanseok: *confused* No. My pop band is going to perform at the Hyangsang Pavilion next weekend! We've got tickets for the event!

Oh Yeongsuk: Aygu... if you spent as much time with your stupid pop band, you'd be a famous doctor right now! You should really quit the band and focus on your studies.

Jang Hanseok: I'm not studying to become a doctor anymore.

Oh Yeongsuk: *a little unnerved* Oh really?

Jang Hanseok: I'm going to be a popstar.

Oh Yeongsuk: *a little more unnerved* And how does this popstar intend to make a living?

Jang Hanseok: Singing of course.

Oh Yeongsuk: Then why are you going to college?

Jang Hanseok: It's a good place to meet with people and stuff like that...

Oh Yeongsuk: Why are you wasting your time with childish hobbies? You should become a doctor and let someone else become the popstar!

Jang Hanseok: You know, I've got a lot doctor friends. They can be the doctors, and I can be the popstar.

Oh Yeongsuk: *pulls on his ear* You really don't get it. You're my son, and I want what's best for you. And if you know what's best for you, you'll listen to me.

Jang Hanseok: *cringing in pain* I know my ear doesn't like to get pricked.

Jang Nayeong: The witch is working her magic. Hypnosis via pulling ears.

Oh Yeongsuk: You watch your mouth.

Jang Manchun: Let's just eat now... *sighs* Hanseok, you should consider following your studies. Nayeong, be more considerate to your mother.

Jang Nayeong: Then you shouldn't curse at her under your breath.

Oh Yeongsuk: I know you all think that I'm a monster, but it's all for your own good. You'll be sorry when you realize that there's no one around to take care of this house.

Jang Hanseok: Well, I won't be living in this house in a little while...

Oh Yeongsuk: Oh, so that's what it is? *really angry* I'll give you no peace until you leave then!

Jang Hanseok: Mom! We're eating.

Jang Manchun: Honey, it's dinner-time. Let's just eat.

Oh Yeongsuk: *picks up her bowl* I'm eating in the living room. I won't eat with a bunch of conspirators. *leaves*

Jang Manchun: *sighs*

Jang Nayeong: Do I have to sit here? I want to eat in my room.

Jang Manchun: Go ahead...

Jang Nayeong: *picks up her bowl and pulls out her cell phone* Yeah, so we drove the witch away from the table... *leaves*

Jang Hanseok: *slurping the soup* This is good stuff.

Jang Manchun: *slaps Hanseok's head* Manners. Didn't we teach you right?

Jang Hanseok: I'm sorry. It's just that I don't have this kind of food at school. It's hard to come by good food that's a good price. And I don't exactly cook either...

Jang Manchun: You really should pay attention to your future. Your mother has a good point, and you can't make too much money making songs. I mean, if you become a great super star, that's fine too. But a lot of those kids started in elementary school. You're in college. You're too smart to waste a lot of your talent singing.

Jang Hanseok: Dad, it's something that makes me happy.

Jang Manchun: Well, sometimes life isn't about making happiness. When I was your age, I wanted to be a politician.

Jang Hanseok: Really? *snorting*

Jang Manchun: I'm serious. I wanted to go into government. It was the one arena that was competitive and put selfless service at the forefront of everything that I would do.

Jang Hanseok: Why'd you stop?

Jang Manchun: Well, a lot of reasons. Mostly, because I wasn't very political. I wouldn't make a good politician. That's why I became a translator. People need a translator, and politicians can't avoid having a good one at the expense of partisanship.

Jang Hanseok: Right, and we all want to become translators, just like you.

Jang Manchun: Well, I don't expect you to become a translator. But you should know what makes you excel in life. You've been a studious biology student for many years, so I'm really surprised that you decided to become a popstar.

Jang Hanseok: Is it really that cryptic?

***flashbacks***

*flashback 1*

Jang Hanseok: I want to join the choir!

Jang Manchun: That's an all-girl choir. You can't join that one.

Jang Hanseok: I want to be a girl so I can join that choir!

*flashback 2*

Jang Hanseok: Do-re-mi-pa-sol-la-ti-do!

Oh Yeongsuk: *yells* Stop screaming! We're trying to sleep!

*flashback 3*

Jang Hanseok: *rapping*

Jang Manchun: Stop speaking so swiftly and talking nonsense. I can't understand a word you're saying!

Jang Hanseok: Well, that's sort of the point...

***end flashbacks***

Jang Manchun: *thinks about it* I guess it makes sense somehow... but still, you shouldn't abandon your other studies. You can became a biology popstar.

Jang Hanseok: And how many biology popstars have you heard of?

Jang Manchun: There's always a first time. I became a translator, because it was close to politics.

Jang Hanseok: I still think it's hard to combine science and art in the same breath. You can't be a popstar and doctor at the same time.

Jang Manchun: Tell that to the actors.

Jang Hanseok: Well, they're pretending to be doctors. Half of those guys don't know what's up or down in the body.

Jang Manchun: Well, just don't give up on a good thing. That's all I'm really trying to say.

*knocks at the door*

Jang Hanseok: Mom! There's someone at the door for you!

Jang Manchun: How do you know that?

Jang Hanseok: It usually works in college.

Oh Yeongsuk: *rushing to the door* Who is it? *opens the door*

Choi Dongil: Hello.

Oh Yeongsuk: Who on earth are you?


*END EPISODE 1*

Taken from the West Zirconian Daily Herald:


Sir,

Having just recovered from all the coverage of this Baptism of Fire business, I was dismayed to find the World Cup qualifiers upon us. Surely this obsession with sport is unhealthy, and besides, why should I have to forego my nightly episode of Driving Instructors From Hell just because of football matches?

It is about time West Zirconia had its own channel dedicated to sport. That way, those of us who can't stand football won't have to sit through hours of this rubbish just because we can't be bothered getting up and the batteries on the remote have died.

Yours faithfully,
Dorothy Beauchamp
14 Carlisle Street
Redwood RW2 1AZ

Andrew Card stuck his middle finger in the air, followed in quick succession by his ring finger, pinky finger, and thumb. They still added up. This was normally a good thing.

So if I send one of the defenders up, and get Coach to work on one of the forwards. Maybe Jonas? Hey, maybe I could go to the midfield...

Andrew was interrupted by the approach of Coach Mcgimpy, accompanied by a young woman he didn't know. "Hey Andrew," said Mcgimpy, more evasively than Andrew knew him to speak. "What do you think about for forty-two?"

"For this cup? I think we need some more forwards."

Mcgimpy laughed. "Meet Saena Mathash. She might be able to help us out."

Andrew thought she looked like she was from Namiri Forest. Wearing a jersey that said "Namiri Forest" did help him with this assumption, though something about it seemed weird.

"You a forward?" he asked promptly.

She laughed. "That's not a very good question, is it?"

"Why not?" he replied, somewhat offended.

"Well, imagine the team needed defenders."

"If only," he replied broodingly.

"But imagine! If I was a defender, one of the best, would I be able to play on the team?"

"Is this a trick question?"

She laughed again. "Yes."

"Then no."

"Not if I was a right-back, eh?"

He paused and groaned. "Nope."

"But you understand? Just to say I am a defender is not enough. There is...more to it than that."

"What side you play on, that kind of thing."

"Specialization," Mcgimpy translated.

They both nodded.

"But I am good enough. So..."

They stood around awkwardly, each assuming it was another's turn to speak.

"So can I be on the team?"

Andrew shrugged. "Coach? She one of the best?"

"Yep," said Mcgimpy, still uneasy.

"Good enough to be on the team?"

"Yes."

"Okay. Fine."

Mcgimpy turned uncertainly. Saena brightened immediately. "Excellent! I'll see you at practice!"

They turned around and headed away.

Andrew watched them go. And as he did the first tendril of fear crept into his mind. He dismissed it violently, which was, of course, the worst thing he could have done. Acknowledging it lent it credence, credence that grew and grew until he stood paralyzed.

Just ask. Just ask and they'll say no. Then it'll be okay.

"When you say specialization..."

They didn't turn.

He was running then, as if any amount of speed could stop what had already been set in motion. "No! Come back here! No! You can't do that!"

But it was already far too late.

MBC International Board Meeting

CEO: There's an audience out there that's not interested in soapy melodramas, not interested in childish fantasies, and not interested in football. We need to appeal to all our potential viewers!

Board Guy 1: Well, we could make dramatizations again.

CEO: Well, what happened in Bostopia, MBC is voluntarily not doing any dramatizations.

Board Guy 2: I hear people like racing.

CEO: Racing is a sport. We need a better idea.

Board Guy 3: What about drugs, violence, and sex?

CEO: MBC is not a porno media.

Board Guy 3: But that's the idea! We could become a porno media. The exclusive international market for porn!

CEO: Either you're way too sick or way too smart.

Board Guy 3: It's what people really want.

Board Guy 2: But not parents. We have to be mindful of parents.

Board Guy 1: We're not broadcasting to parents, we're broadcasting to their kids!

Board Guy 2: But that's why parents would complain. They don't want their children to watch porn.

Board Guy 3: But it's the children's choice!

CEO: Why aren't the rest of you guys talking?

Board Guy 1: They're paid not to talk.

CEO: Hmm. Very well, carry on.

Board Guy 3: I say we go with a new approach...

Board Guy 2: I say we fire Board Guy 3 and scrap his salary for extra savings.

CEO: That's a sound idea. All in favor?

*all raise their hands*

Board Guy 3: That's not fair!

Board Guy 1: What are you talking about? You rose your hand!

Board Guy 3: But I'm obliged to raise my hand!

Board Guy 2: Let's give MBC to me so I can run it the way that I want to run it!

CEO: That's very smart of you, Board Guy 2! Using a corrupt system to your own personal gains and interests! Very smart indeed. We could use a guy like you.

Board Guy 2: Thank you, sir.

CEO: All in favor of firing Board Guy 2 and scrapping his salary for extra savings?

*all raise their hands*

Board Guy 2: What? What happened to "we could use a guy like you"?

CEO: I got a better idea. Okay, we'll decide what we need to do to get more viewers for MBC International. For now, this meeting is adjourned.

The Newtown Emporer's Airport [The NEA]: 11:06AM


Flight 201 to Qazox has been delayed for 46 minutes.

Rennidan International Air puts the delay down to the 'political climate' in the Rennidan Plains.

The Rennidan Eagles football team anxiously herds themselves aboard to jet off for the first of their qualifying matches in the 42nd edition of the World Cup.



"Aye, and then he was all you don't wanna--"Man, I ain't signing no damned autograph so would you puh-lease leave me alone you annoying little motherfu--"Damn man, you shoulda' seeen this girlygirl, it was some cuh-razy shi--"Attention passengers of flight 201, we would like to ann--"Yo', where the hell is my latte? I ain't gettin' on no plane without my motherfuggin' latte--


In all the years I have worked with these guys, these guys who are my guys, these guys who are every Rennidanian footy fan's guys, I have never seen these guys act so much like pumped-up divas. I'm currently watching Phillip Emms, the substitute goalkeeper (yeah, yeah, he's a substitute) bitching about the lack of poofy coffee by his side. Meanwhile, Sammi MacOlv, perhaps one of the most talented midfielders in the team, is telling an eager-to-hear-some-smut Micah Desono about some poor lass he picked up at a club last night. And then there's Michael Ronnan, the guy that went from reclusive geek to national hero to obnoxious A-Lister in three World Cups. I'm still under the impression that the A in A-List celebrity stands for 'arsehole'.

Meanwhile, I myself stand in the background, my eyes weary and my face covered with stubble. I've recently been released from a very, very private psychiatric ward after a bout of, ahem, seeing ghosts. I'm twenty seven years old, I've travelled the world, I've suffered three mental breakdowns in as many years and my girlfriend, who is also the assistant manager to this very team I'm watching, who is also an ex-drug addict, who is also in about three hours about to head into the airplane toilet and probably fall back into that addiction, decided that this morning, the morning before Rennidan fly to a foreign nation to get decimated in their opening match of qualifying, would be the best possible time to tell me that she is, in fact, two months pregnant.

In the background a fancy sixty inch only-in-an-airport television blurts out in a general haze of sound that the nomads who roam the plains of Rennidan, the so called 'Free Land of Viltek', had recently come under a 'minor skirmish' with Rennidanian troops over which 'nation' owns a bit of border land which was generally accepted as being neutral territory.

I, meanwhile, down the rest of Emm's poofy latte to try and get a kick of caffeine in my system before I go face down the collective group of monstrosities that are Rennidan's only chance of making it past the group stages of the World Cup. I'm Ryan Malkoa, manager of the Rennidan Eagles. I was once the national poster boy of excellence, I am also quite sure that one day I'm going to crack and be the national poster of a lovely-lad-gone-really-damn-bad and no amount of private sessions and Empirical resources are going to be able to put Humpty Dumpty back together again and that, one day, at the end of it all, all that's going to be left is that smear of yolk on a sidewalk somewhere. I wouldn't say this is a suicidal look on like, I just know that when the end comes, it's going to be me myself that chooses where and when. I'm not a man who likes to play my fate through. Instead, I like to make it and shape it into what I want it to be. This strength, or weakness, or general piece of ab-so-lute insanity could very well be the reason the Emperor himself invests time into trying to get me to be as sane as possible. It could also be the very reason I was made the coach of such a fucked up team.

All I know is that, if I stand here any longer with an empty cup in my hand, watching the space where a boisterous team once stood and revelling in the echoing melody of their shouts fusing with mumbled grumbles of depressed newsreaders, I'm going to miss my damned flight to Qazox.



Some days, I wish I stayed at home.

Jeruselem Government News

Jeruselem placed in the Group of "God"

Jeruselem got placed in Group 1 in the World Cup 42 qualification.

The top seed in Group 1 is Sel Appa, fellow Frenchies. Sel Appa is one of weaker top 12 seeds being ranked 10th so there is nothing to complain about them being in the Group. Still, they will be one to beat in this group.

2nd top seed is ... err ... us! 20th isn't bad but it's lower than 13th compared to last cup. The Princesses will be wanting to return to top 10 glory and have to show the world they aren't giving up on the dream of winning this cup.

Right, somehow we got slotted in with Monks from The Archregimancy. Ranked 28th, they will serious competition for the 2nd automatic qualifying spot. From somehow avoiding Jeruselem, the Monks seem to follow us around in World Cups.

The other teams in this group need a little divine help. 59th ranked Kiryu-Shi are back but on rankings, need some help. They are a chance to finish in the top 4 of the group. There's a team called Icy Cold Death Touch - ranked 152 ... but most big teams should still have they warm fuzzy feeling when they face this team. Ixania are unranked and unless they import some Elves, don't seem a threat.

Then there's Magna Sancta Sedes. A team of Saints, or Zombie Saints. Ranked 106, they featured in final of Baptism of Fire losing West Zirconia. So we have Monks and these Saints in this group ... hence the Group of God. If the Holy Empire was in here, then things would really get Holy.

Group 1:
Jeruselem (20)
Kiryu-Shi (59)
Icy Cold Death Touch (152)
The Archregimancy (28)
Ixania (N/R)
Magna Sancta Sedes (106)
Sel Appa (10)

MD01 Jeruselem vs The Archregimancy
MD02 Sel Appa vs Jeruselem
MD03 Jeruselem vs Icy Cold Death Touch
MD04 Kiryu-Shi vs Jeruselem
MD05 Jeruselem vs Ixania
MD06 Magna Sancta Sedes vs Jeruselem
MD07 Bye to Jeruselem
MD08 The Archregimancy vs Jeruselem
MD09 Jeruselem vs Sel Appa
MD10 Icy Cold Death Touch vs Jeruselem
MD11 Jeruselem vs Kiryu-Shi
MD12 Ixania vs Jeruselem
MD13 Jeruselem vs Magna Sancta Sedes
MD14 Bye to Jeruselem

We have 10 games to play due to two byes since we have odd numbers of teams in each group. The big games are on match day 1,2,8 and 9. To ensure, a successful campaign we need 2 wins from these games - and wins from the other games. We can't falter in games 6 and 13 as they are ones before our byes.

...

Oh, we aren't forgetting Jeru FC! Sadie Dallas may have moved to the national team but we still have a team. They got lumped into Group 12 with our nemesis Starblaydia as top seed.

Jeru FC are in with chance with Vephrall being 23rd but KaMaRi are ranked 42nd making the task harder. We think Jeru FC can grab 3rd spot in the group but Vephrall might be too hard to remove from the automatic qualifying spot.

Group 12:
Glaycia (116)
Europa Brittania (N/R)
Starblaydia (6)
Jeru FC (32)
Vephrall (23)
Cauci (156)
KaMaRi (42)

Also taken from the Daily Herald:

Sir,

In the aftermath of West Zirconia's glorious victory in the Baptism of Fire, do the media not think that they deserve more coverage in the forthcoming World Cup campaign? These fine men are bringing honour and prestige to our humble nation, and we must support them all we can.

No doubt there will be people whose only concern is that they will be unable, because of the schedules, to watch their usual rubbish like Quantity Surveyors From Hell or whatever. I say that this is a small price to pay in order to raise the nation's profile on the international stage.

Good luck to our team - that's what I say.


Yours faithfully,
Aidan Grant
61 Park Road
Bradley BD1 2WP

Sasha, Greal

"Greal's first match would be against Nuevos Aires. After that, the next matches would get harder, and they would even play against some of teams that Greal played in the Baptism of Fire. The Sasha Stadium was prepared for World Cup matches. Tickets have already been sold out, as Greal's people were eager to see some games, whether they were from Greal or not.

20/8 (wed) - qualifying MD01 @ Nuevos Aires
21/8 (thu) - qualifying MD02 vs Bostopia
22/8 (fri) - qualifying MD03 @ Prux
23/8 (sat) - qualifying MD04 vs. Arroza
24/8 (sun) - qualifying MD05 @ Land de Wood
25/8 (mon) - qualifying MD06 OFF DAY/BYE
26/8 (tue) - qualifying MD07 vs. Bazalonia
27/8 (wed) - mid-qualifying friendlies (Caf)
28/8 (thu) - qualifying MD08 vs Nuevos Aires
29/8 (fri) - qualifying MD09 @ Bostopia
30/8 (sat) - qualifying MD10 vs Prux
31/8 (sun) - qualifying MD11 @ Arroza
1/9 (mon) - qualifying MD12 vs Land de Wood
2/9 (tue) - qualifying MD13 OFF DAY/BYE
3/9 (wed) - qualifying MD14 @ Bazalonia

Unfortunately, the Greal team was ranked as 129. This time, they aim to crack the top 100.

We wish good luck to Greal's team and every other team in the World Cup 42.

This is Adam Brown, live from Sasha."

The Football Association is pleased to announce the fixtures and stadia used in Bostopia's World Cup 42 Qualifying campaign, along with updated information regarding stadia Bostopia will be playing in during away qualifiers, helpfully provided to us by our opposition's body for football, and for this we express our thanks.

MD01: Bostopia -v- Land de Wood - Bostopia Stadium, Fort Boston (103,499)
MD02: Greal -v- Bostopia - Sasha Stadium, Sasha
MD03: Bostopia -v- Bazalonia - Deepbay Stadium, Port Flamerty (83,542)
MD04: Nuevos Aires -v- Bostopia
MD05: NO GAME
MD06: Bostopia -v- Prux - Sky Blue Stadium, Riikenberg (47,326)
MD07: Arroza -v- Bostopia - Breakwater Park, Rockport (84,400)
FR02:
MD08: Land de Wood -v- Bostopia
MD09: Bostopia -v- Greal - Landsberg Stadium, Caflin (61,747)
MD10: Bazalonia -v- Bostopia
MD11: Bostopia -v- Nuevos Aires - State Park, Mannfield (43,624)
MD12: NO GAME
MD13: Prux -v- Bostopia
MD14: Bostopia -v- Arroza - Bostopia Stadium, Fort Boston (103,499)

---Channel 9 News, Bostopia---

“Fort Boston Castle has come out strongly against Arrozan claims that the Emperor is 'supposedly missing.' FBC said that the Emperor has gone on holiday to a location that is not being announced as he would like to have some rest and relaxation at the current time, and would prefer if people would to leave him alone in order to recover fully.”

---An island, somewhere---

Dear Diary,

I'm so lonely. I wish someone would come round and provide some light entertainment, as I feel that I am slowly losing my mind. That wouldn't be so bad if the mangos hadn't stopped talking to me half an hour ago. All I did was make a joke about how peachy they looked and they got all arsey and turned their backs.

I'll have my revenge, I plan on turning them into a stew tomorrow. How d'ya like that? Hey! Exactly! No answer! You'll be sorry! You don't know who you're messing with! I'm OMG RUN!!!

Sorry about that. Thought I saw a ghost. Turned out it was a shadow. I wasn't scared. No-one heard me shout Jimmy do one, bruv, so it never happened. You can't prove anything. You're just a diary, aren't you? Exactly! No answer! Hah! OW! Gave me a damn papercut! Just you wait! I'll make menu-bread out of you yet!

Anyway, today, I explored a bit more of the island. There's a small mountain toward the centre, don't know how I missed that. Ooh, yes, the little stream thingy comes from a lake a bit deeper into the forest where there's a spring. There is a small clearing there but unfortunately it caused myself and First Admiral Petrock to get into a heated debate about whether or not we should build a camp-site there that ended up with the First Admiral being flung into exile toward some uncharted area of the island - not that any of the island is charted yet, but give me time and it will be.

I never did like those navy wallahs anyway. General Deciduous-Leaf was promoted to Field Marshal Deciduous-Leaf in a short ceremony earlier and is now my second in command. I don't really trust people with double-barrelled surnames, but Deciduous-Leaf seems like the bloke for the job. Plus, he agreed with me to not build a camp-site there in case of attack by wild animals or I accidentally roll into the lake in the middle of the night in my sleep while I have another one of my dreams about starring in a fire safety video.

I have now decided that the desire for sleep is overbearing, and I am going to go fulfil that desire. Ta-ra, like.

Dancougar News!!
Changing RP styles every goddamn tournament. BECAUSE WE CAN.

Dancougar in Group 11; we try to predict randomness: It's time for World Cup 42, and we've got the group draw to prove it. Twelve groups of seven, and the magic number this time around is two... the two best teams from each group will get automatic passage, while all the third place teams will enter a playoff to decide the remainder. The Black Wings look to make it three qualifications in a row, but can we expect a repeat of their undefeated run through World Cup 41 quals?

The short answer is "No."

The long answer is "Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo."

GROUP 11
[37] Lovisa
[NR] Linpada
[147] Spazican States
[24] Dancougar
[47] Nire and Nire
[119] Cypron
[3] Milchama

The group absolutely must belong to Milchama, ranked third in the world and never a team to sit back and let upstarts take away points. "But wait," you say, "Dancougar were supposed to kneel to Az-cz last time around, and they beat 'em twice." Okay, point taken. But come now... if you thought Milchama were good with a banana in goal, wait until you get a load of the new-look Milchama, complete with ACTUAL FOOTBALLERS. We were surprised, too, but it did make the prediction work much easier. The Warriors should cruise into the finals without breaking a sweat.

But who will follow? Dancougar figures to be on the inside track for that second spot, but Lovisa and Nire and Nire are certainly nations which can present stiff resistance. We figure the Wings should be able to take three and four points from them, respectively, and end up no worse than third. But crazy things happen... which Yuji Watanabe will we see in goal? If he hasn't gotten his confidence back from that group-stage collapse, the Wings could be in trouble.

The Wings should earn the bulk of the points from the remaining members of the group - Linpada, Spazican States, and Cypron. You never know where the next upset will come from and the Wings are far from safe, but you might recall the last time the Wings played an unranked side. That was Free Krytenia, and in the home leg the Wings enjoyed the largest-ever margin of victory, 7-0.

MD1: @ Lovisa
MD2: Bye
MD3: v Milchama
MD4: @ Spazican States
MD5: v Linpada
MD6: @ Nire and Nire
MD7: v Cypron
MD8: v Lovisa
MD9: Bye
MD10: @ Milchama
MD11: v Spazican States
MD12: @ Linpada
MD13: v Nire and Nire
MD14: @ Cypron

We draw attention to the middle of the schedule. The stretch between matchdays seven and nine contains two home fixtures and a bye week. It comes at a good time - sandwiched between tough away fixtures with Nire and Nire and Milchama. If the Wings can get maximum points from that home stretch, it may go a long way in determining whether the rest of qualifying is run uphill or downhill.

Friendly announced with World Bowl rivals: The Black Wings announced a home friendly with Arroza to be played before the start of qualification.

It will be the first meeting between the two on the football pitch, although the two have already played a few big American Football games. Dancougar has won both of those: the World Bowl I championship and the World Bowl II third-place game. The Tar Hornets bring a lively attacking side to Dancougar, although it's almost surprising given the hell their coach puts them through... or maybe it's because of that?

Curiously, Arroza requested that the game be played in Eastport rather than in the National Stadium in Yuki City. "No doubt it's because they know their team is in good hands as long as I'm on patrol," said Eastport city police chief Kento Ilita, who is known for his hardline stance on hooligans. He's said to be rather happy with the nation's most recent budget, which appropriates more money to crime and security.

It had once again been a lively draw for the Sorthern representatives. Until the bastard from Septentrionia, Draw_Guy or whatever he was called kicked Ben O'Bagels out for no reason. And of course President Jimmy Sheridan found himself falling from the window on floor 9.84. The window was in such a position as to be able to fall out of it after Sheridan had earlier stuck a stick of TNT up the arse of the Han representative. Strangely the following explosion did know damage to the Han representative but blew the window to chards. It seemed no one was to bothered about this. After all an open window on the 9.84th floor of a building with a drunk guy by it surely can't be dangerous can it? Ah right, I see it now. So that's how he fell out! Of course it could have been something to do with a man called Breno, him and Sheridan apparently had a bit of an "incident" in the toilet. Breno could have pushed Sheridan out!

But however it happened, it did happen. There was Sheridan falling through the air from the window with a bottle of beer in his hand. Fortunately for him a plane had flown right under the window just as he fell out, and into the cockpit he fell. Strangely there was no one in the plane, but that didn't bother Sheridan one bit. He was more concerned that currently the plane was heading straight into the wall beyond which was the hall in which the draw was being held. If that happened it would be a disaster, Cinna The Poet was in there! His death would be a truly sad day, Sheridan wasn't going to be a part of it. Luckily though he had been drinking, and drinking heavily. A pint of beer here, a pint of Orincus there, and everyone knows what heavy drinking does to your flying skills. With a quick flick at the controls he diverted the plane upwards and to safety. Well not the safety of the five people in the loft he'd just accidentally flown through but they were probably Bostopian spies anyway. With danger safely averted and job done he laid back in his seat and set the plane to autopilot and left it to take him to God knows where.

One thing he hadn't banked on however was that planes need fuel to fly. And fuel runs out. He suddenly woke up and remembered this, helped in no small part by the loud alarm in the plane yelling "NO FUEL LEFT! NO FUEL LEFT! NO FUEL!". He decided he better listen to the alarm as it had an authoritative voice. It was the accent of a Geordie pansy if he was not mistaken. Having been told there was no fuel left he banked sharply to the right. This however didn't produce any fuel, and in front of him was a large tree. Hit it and he'd be dead, luckily below was a deserted island. It's obviously deserted why would anyone be on it? Quickly he found the eject button and was thrust up into the air as the plane hit the stupidly high tree.

"GERRRRRRRONNNNNNNNNIMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOO!", was what he screamed while this happened. He fell towards the earth for a bit. After a while he realised it might be a good idea to open the parachute on his back. Tug. Nothing happened. He tugged again, and again nothing happened. He looked at the parachute on his back and realised why it wasn't working. It wasn't there, but somehow down below him. "A slight problem" he thought to himself as he hurled towards the ground, faster and faster it closed in upon him and them SPLAT! He had landed, softer than he'd been expecting, in a daze he got up and saw the reason for the soft landing. He'd landed on a man seemingly fighting with a diary and some mangos. The mangos certainly weren't going to be fighting any more Sheridan thought as he helped the man he'd landed on to his feet.

"Doctor Bostinston I presume?", he asked once the angry looking mango splattered man was on his feet.

THE ROCKET REPORT

FRIENDLY RESULT..... GOOD?

Pocono City, Newmanistan- Dancougar ran circles around us all day in our pre-World Cup qualifying match. The game was completely one sided with the Black Wings obviously having a much greater desire to avenge their friendly defeat four years ago then the Rockets had in retaining their Bird on Skates Trophy. 3-nil the final. Immediately, we think, “uh oh”. But, maybe it’s not a bad thing. No really, hear us out, four years ago we had a great friendly “season”. With a win over Dancougar and a draw with Arroza. What did that get us in the long run? An absolutely disappointing qualification campaign. Eight years ago, we lost both of our friendlies. By the combined score of.... 3-0! Eight years ago, we missed out on qualification by virtue of the away goals rule.

Obviously, this is a stretch, and an annoyingly optimistic of the game we just saw, but what it may just do is put the Rockets in their place. A wake up call, so to speak. Four years ago, they may have been a little too overconfident, and when it came time to play, they were outperformed on many different levels. Now, they see that the Black Wings are considerably better then them at this point. There is enough time to regroup and collect themselves before they take on Jasi-yun at the Proving Grounds. As far as the rankings go, Jasi-yun is very similar to Dancougar. Brian Carson and the team now know that they must pick it up quite a bit to feel ready about the beginning of qualifying. The wake up call, was delivered. In the long run, this result may be better then say, a 2-1 win.

"Have you read the latest issue?" asked C. "They're calling Zero the master of instant success." She tossed the magazine over to Stephen, who glanced at the cover. Sure enough, there he was in full regalia on the sidelines of whatever the most recent job was... who were they again? After leading his Knights to the Greater Kishin title, he roamed the country picking up random coaching positions. He turned every one of the teams around. Of course, he'd had a little supernatural assistance, but anyone who evaluated his players before and after his tenure had to admit that there was improvement.

"Nothing I haven't seen already," he said, tossing it back. "They've been running articles on me since the Knights." He sat down at his chair and leaned back, staring at the ceiling. "But I'm still thinking too small, I think..."

"Why do you say that?" asked C. "There's quite a few of your guys who are looking to make the jump soon. D-League. That's a real accomplishment considering that they would've languished on some sandlot if you hadn't come along."

"You misunderstand," Stephen replied. He glanced at the scouting reports on his laptop. "It's not that I'm approaching this the wrong way, it's just that I can only produce so much talent... there's one of me and hunderds of roster spots that need to be filled." He clicked through. One after another, he knew the drill. Glaring weaknesses, all of them. Some could be fixed with his training regimen. Others would need a little help from Geass. "I can only work with one team at a time, and of those men and women, can I really count on any to continue to improve after I leave?"

"Perhaps it's time that you start finding some help," C said, turning up the television. An ad was playing for a local football camp which claimed to boost one's abilities in only a few weeks. Now that the D-League could draw talent from the small leagues all over Dancougar, there was a real incentive for players to get noticed.

"You mean, my own coaching academy?" asked Stephen.

"Just a suggestion," replied C, switching the channel to something more interesting. "Like I said, I'm here to help, but only to make sure you can fulfill my wish."

"That's really all I am to you, eh?" laughed Stephen, grabbing his wallet and keys.

C slithered to the edge of the bed and grabbed onto his hand. "You don't seem to mind... You have somewhere to be now?"

"Her game's today," said Stephen. "If Zero can't be there, Stephen has to be."

**********

"No leads!" Russ flopped on the couch and buried his face in his hands. The makeshift headquarters that he and Peter had helped set up in the professor's lab had most of the comforts of home, but what he'd really kill for right now were some solid clues. They'd been tracking Zero from team to team, game to game, and couldn't get anything on him. And yet he just kept winning. Sometimes unnaturally.

"We've got at least fifteen other claims of fixing to sift through," said Peter. "It just doesn't make sense! How can one guy do all of this right under us and leave nothing behind?!"

"Eef eet vas zat eesy, zen zey vouldn't need us to do ze special vorkinks, yah?" said von Steuben, lighting a pipe. "After reviewink everysink, I am almost certain he ees fixink ze gemm... ze treeck ees to ketch heem een ze ekt."

"We know this much... he always makes eye contact with the player who screws up," said Russ, "but he never really seems to give any sort of signal."

"Heff zey got back to us about ze buggink?" asked von Steuben.

"No," said Peter. "It seems like they want some evidence that it's necessary."

Von Steuben's eyes narrowed. "Vat ees stoppink us aside from zat?"

Peter, who had been pacing near the window, stopped in his tracks. Russ sat up and stared at the professor. "Whoa, wait a minute," Russ began, "you're saying to do it anyway?"

"Vat usser options do ve heff?" the professor asked. "He usually goes to see zat Karen at ze Keesheen Academy, yah? Eef we find him zere..."

"That's true, her game is pretty soon," said Peter. "She always was the best player he produced..."

"She seems clean, though," replied Russ. "I don't know about trying to bug him at the stadium, but we should at least see if he's there today. It's better that wading through all these dead ends."

**********

The start of the season - Kishin Academy at home to Barclay State, and the home team ran out 1-0 winners after junior forward Karen Stadler set up a second-half goal with a stunning free kick. Consider the finest player ever coached by Zero, Stadler was predicted to have a breakout year by college football analysts, which might eventually lead to her becoming the first Dancougaran woman to play professionally.

After the game, though, she wasn't concerned with that. She looked up to the stands, and saw Stephen waving.

"You remembered!" she said happily, dumping the contents of a water bottle over her head. "Coach said he couldn't make it, but I was glad when I was able to get ahold of you!"

"He seems to think very highly of you," Stephen replied. "Then again, not every girl is a player of the year candidate."

"Oh, stop, the season just started!" Karen cried. She happened to glance past Stephen and saw some familiar faces loitering in the crowd. Her expression fell off just slightly. Stephen noticed.

"Is something wrong?" he asked.

"Behind you," she said. "See those guys? They're the ones who are trying to arrest Zero for match fixing."

"Who, them?" asked Stephen, pretending to scan in confusion. But he saw them right away. Geez, I bet they were hoping to run into Zero today... persistant bastards. He turned back to Karen. "Hey, don't pay attention to them... you're legit, right? Then you've got nothing to worry about."

Karen's smile returned and she threw her arms behind her head. "I guess you're right!" she said. "Well, coach will want to talk to the team, so I better get to the locker room. I'll call you later, all right?"

"Sounds good," replied Stephen, and the two parted. Karen ran into the locker room behind her teammates, while Stephen followed the crowd out of the stadium. He felt like Peter, Russ, and the professor were on his tail, but when he glanced around him, they were nowhere to be found. Why would they be; they didn't know yet that he was Zero. I've managed to stay a step ahead of them... even now...

Alexandria Times-Tribune-Star-News-Today-Post-Gazette-Chronicle-Journal-Enquirer

Sports Section

We Really Have to go Through This Again?

That's the reaction in Milchama. And really who came blame the citizenry? The Warriors have qualified for 11 straight World Cups and every World Cup since 27 except the infamous WC 29, where we instead won the Cup of Harmony. Last time out, despite having a team including 3 pictures, a banana and a tomato we still made the octofinals. Qualification is a boring formality that makes us good and has subpar players like Kenji Miller rack up goal scoring records simply because he has so many more opportunities then better players like Marc J. Floren and Spot Nielson.

Seriously the international competition has just gotten so much worse, there is no way this team is better then that World Cup 27 team or Billy Timmons? That man was legendary, 25 goals from center midfield? You don't see that anymore, much better times back in the day. I'm sad I missed it all. Actually you know what that AOCAF was proof we were better, even when dead that old Great Alexandria team could come in 4th, these guys couldn't do that when alive. Though I guess Halforth is probably better then Rintell and Timnath does compare favorably with Kilinin. Still an all time Milchama roster would probably include a lot more people from the WCs back in the 20s then right now. Oh wait this is a preview isn't it? Sorry about that.

Well the Warriors find themselves in Group 11 with a bunch of sorry loser teams who don't stand a chance against them. With that ominous let's get to the infamous Milchamian predictions*:

Posterisk! You know how those predictions got there? It was way back in World Cup 24. A team ranked 90 something thought they would finish third in the group ahead of more established teams. The Lowland Clans took offense to that and said they were (rightfully) crazy so the Warriors fought back creating the first rivalry and making the reputation for Milchamian predictions as overly confident. Now of course saying that we will win every game 3-0 only looks weird because we might score less or more goals then three. Good memories. I'm very nostalgic today.
GROUP 11
[37] Lovisa- They actually gave us the idea to be arrogant. They've been around forever and stunk for just about that long also. This'll be easy count out 6 points for the Warriors
[NR] Linpada- Been there, it sucks. Bigger, better teams just beat up on you, like us! 6 more points for Milchama.
[147] Spazican States- Haven't heard of them. That can only be bad for them as our decent team of footballers should teach them a thing or two. Another two wins for Milchama.
[24] Dancougar- The competition? Not if you believe them and I quote, "The group absolutely must belong to Milchama...The Warriors should cruise into the finals without breaking a sweat...Dancougar figures to be on the inside track for that second spot..." That sounds like a team already beaten. Rack up 6 points for the Warriors.
[47] Nire and Nire- I think we've faced them before. And we haven't lost against them, or dropped any points against them or anything. 6 more points for Milchama *yawn* next please.
[119] Cypron- The final victims of our rampage (at least according to the draw do you really think we would find the time to create a schedule?). Never heard of them, which can mean only 1 things six more points for Milchama.

So what does this all mean? A perfect record and easy advancement.

Come on you Warriors!
[3] Milchama

QBC WORLD CUP 42 COVERAGE

"Hello all, I'm Beck Davidham, and thanks for watching Qazox' 2-1 win over co-hosts Septentrionia from Rei Albieri Van Tocco stadium, Cafundó do Juta, Cafundéu. But now we focus our energies upon the Task at hand, Qazox's group. Once again here is the competitors in our group (with current KPB rank) and our pst history with those teams.

Kanji Starter (119): Never faced.
Quakmybush (19): WC31Q: MD4 vs. Quakmybush D 2-2; MD13 @ Quakmybush D 2-2 (0-2-0 record)
Rennidan (43): Never faced.
New Zomboria (124): Never faced.
Kannone (152): Never faced.
Kelssek (36): WC37Q: MD2 @ Kelssek 2-0 (W); MD9 vs. Kelssek 2-0 (W) (2-0-0 record)

So for4 of the teams in the group, we've never faced them, as for the others, 20 years since we last met Kelssek and 44 years since we last faced Quakmybush. So it's almost a blank slate for the Pheonix, who are currently ranked 13th in the world, the highest spot that they have acheived. As for this group, here's how our experts see it finishing:

Qazox
Quakmybush
Rennidan
Kelssek
Kanji Starter
New Zomboria
Kannone

And now for the other groups. The top two predicted teams in each group, will be in Blue, while the playoff teams will be in Red

Group 1:
Jeruselem (20)
Kiryu-Shi (59)
Icy Cold Death Touch (152)
The Archregimancy (28)
Ixania (N/R)
Magna Sancta Sedes (106)
Sel Appa (10)

Group 2:
Northern Bettia (25)
Kereca (45)
Montgisard (N/R)
Wijaska Island (139)
The Holy Empire (29)
Tynelia (12)
The Macabees (79)

Group 3:
Yafor 2 (11)
Legalese (129)
Wentland (18)
Solenial (94)
Taeshan (35)
Roddyville (N/R)
Kose and The Turkomans (44)

Group 5:
Daehanjeiguk (30)
kenavt (66)
Universitus University (78)
Gerainia (N/R)
Lingdinis Insania (147)
Kura-Pelland (14)
Ad'ihan (15)

Group 6:
Kansiov (73)
Sorthern Northland (33)
Jasīʼyūn (27)
Az-cz (9)
Newmanistan (51)
East Ying (N/R)
Liventia (129)

Group 7:
Terreiro de Ogum (54)
United Island Empires (N/R)
Zwangzug (5)
Bettia (22)
An Blascaod Mor (124)
Kosovoe (67)
Candelaria And Marquez (31)

Group 8:
Central Prestonia (N/R)
Demot (16)
Valanora (1)
Blouman Empire (41)
West Zirconia (101)
Green wombat (38)
Ron Paulovia (137)

Group 9:
Prux (39)
Bazalonia (8)
Greal (129)
Arroza (58)
Nuevos Aires (156)
Bostopia (21)
Land de Wood (98)

Group 10:
Cokenia (N/R)
Yafalonia and Bazor 2 (34)
Acapais (40)
Krytenia (26)
Capitalizt SLANI (2)
Tomarian (137)
We Hate Football (114)

Group 11:
Lovisa (37)
Linpada (N/R)
Spazican States (147)
Dancougar (24)
Nire and Nire (47)
Cypron (119)
Milchama (3)

Group 12:
Glaycia (116)
Europa Brittania (N/R)
Starblaydia (6)
Jeru FC (32)
Vephrall (23)
Cauci (156)
KaMaRi (42)

Well that's all for now. We'll see you live from the SaxerDome (SaxerVilla); for the Rennidan match, the Pheonix' home opener. Have a good night.

Dancougar News!!
Instead of DSPN since I like screwed up Land de Wood that one time.

Wings off to a flying start against Newmanistan: The Wings have taken the Golden Bird in Skates trophy from the Rockets with a resounding 3-0 friendly win. Charles DuPont chose to exercise most of the first team and they responded by taking control by halftime.

Carson's side came out flat and took fifteen minutes to generate its first shot on goal; it was a less-than-perfect start to what many are calling a bounceback campaign. The Rockets, to be fair, had a difficult group draw in World Cup 41, but they made the group stage in the Cup of Harmony and performed well in the recent Di Bradini and Oxen Cup tournaments. DuPont acknowledged their talent. "It's really not possible to judge a team from a game like this," he said, pointing out that the Wings made plenty of mistakes, too.

The first chances fell to Dancougar, with the experienced midfield duo of Akira Morimoto and Jericho Leyton providing excellent service into the box. A 7th minute cross by Morimoto just skipped off the head of Shishio Jinguuji and out. In the 13th, a Morimoto corner was punched away from the near post by Corey Hennis. But the breakthrough game in the 18th, when Dan Potts raced through the middle and beat the offside trap to score in his international debut. "All I was thinking was 'Don't screw this up,'" he said. "I've been waiting for this chance."

Newmanistan attempted to immediately get back in the game by turning up their attacking tempo. Alex Parnett tested Yuji Watanabe in the 21st minute with a low shot that went wide of the mark. The Wings weathered the storm and attempted to assert dominance in midfield. That's Prescott territory for the uninitiated, and while some think the referee might've been too lenient in his calls, there's no denying that the presence of Brett Prescott makes any ballcarrier think twice about making one move too many.

Still, space was there to be found. In minute 32, Dancougar got goal number two on a quick counterattack. Leyton found Dylandy scurrying down the left side of the field, and fired a through ball which found its man. Dylandy turned it back towards the box and fired a cross which was headed clear by Michael Harrison. It fell to the foot of rampaging defender Casey Berber, who lashed a volley right back on goal. Off the post and in, just past the diving Hennis!

The second goal took the air of the Rocket sails, and Dancougar dominated possession for the remainder of the first half and the start of the second. "I think the guys did a great job not just winning the balls, but finding the open man," said DuPont. "We don't always show that patience, and it's really something you need to do when you're up like that."

Newmanistan almost got one back on the hour, as Prescott fired a stinger that came off of Watanabe. Julie McElroy tapped it home but was ruled offside. Television replays seemed to disagree with the linesman. Parnett had another effort denied by Watanabe in the 68th. Five minutes later, Dancougar made it three when Lyle Dylandy pulled off a give-and-go with Jinguuji just inside the box. Hennis was stranded and beaten with a low drive.

The Rockets had one more good chance in minute 82, when McElroy send a ball across the face of goal that Shawn Drummond was late getting to. He beat Berber on the run but mistimed his slide, watching the ball roll harmlessly through the box.

Tar Hornets stung in Eastport: In the first international match held in Eastport, the Dancougar Black Wings upended the Arroza Tar Hornets 1-0 in a warmup match for World Cup 42.

Jericho Leyton, a veteran of three World Cup campaigns, scored the game's lone goal in the 56th minute after getting past defender Alexis Ivo, who was welcomed to the international circuit in style. Leyton's shot had just enough pace to beat goalkeeper Felipe Quintero, who got a hand to it but could only succeed in punching it into the side netting. The Arrozan offense generated plenty of chances but had a woeful afternoon, getting nine shots on goal out of twenty attempts.

"I thought that they helped us a lot in showing us where our defense needs work," said Charles DuPont, who was able to breathe easy after Watanabe kept the clean sheet. "You have to think, another three or four shots on goal, and this game is completely different."

There was a sizable Arrozan contingent on hand to see Dancougar get the first chance of the game before allowing the Hornets to generate most of the excitement. Shishio Jinguuji's 5th minute shot was parried by Quintero, and then the Arrozans got to work. Blake Camp with a pass over to Parrish, who spots Macoumba Kandji through the middle... Kandji pulls the trigger, ah, but it's over the bar! In the 19th minute, more of the same - Kandji received the ball at the top of the box, held off a challenge from Sho Yukikaze, and dropped it to Camp for the long shot on goal, which Watanabe watched sail wide. It was an unfortunate theme for the Hornets.

Dancougar's best chance of the first half came in minute 38, when Lyle Dylandy's attempted cross bent in on goal, forcing Quintero to react quickly to push it over. Arroza responded just before the break through Tate Parrish, who hit the post with a diving header. "There were too many gaps in the back," said Yukikaze. "They were hitting a lot of passes and really throwing us off."

After halftime, though, the Wings used a dominant first fifteen minutes to pull into the lead. The home crowd fed an attacking spurt that saw six shots on goal, and Quintero got to five of them. Two fist saves got the Arrozan fans into it, as it appeared like he wouldn't be beaten. But then Leyton's shot went in to the relief of the Black Wing faithful. "I was looking for a spot and found one," said Leyton. "I almost whiffed on it!"

Arroza fought to get the equilizer, but Watanabe made three crucial saves in the final fifteen minutes.

World Cup 42 Factbook: A brief look at the next qualifier for the Black Wings, presented by Construction Hut. When it has to get done right, hit the hut!

Opponent: Lovisa (0-0-0, 0 GF, 0 GA)
Rank: 37
History: 0-1-0, 0 GF, 0 GA

Dancougar and Lovisa have only met once, a nil-nil draw in Turtle Cup 1. It's hard to say what we can learn from that, since the Dancougar side in that tournament was actually the Rizzi College Salamanders rather than a representative team. But starting midfielder Benjamin Whittaker was on that Rizzi team, so hey, maybe he'll have some pointers... which are a few years out of date.

A game on the road, and it looks pretty even on paper... the friendly results against Newmanistan and Arroza are encouraging, and the Wings opened World Cup 41 qualifying with a road win, too. Let's see how far optimism gets us!
Prediction: 2-1

A MAN'S GUIDE TO THE JERUSELEM WORLD CUP 42 BABES

Looks: * = Don't bother, ** = Average, *** = A looker, **** = Glam girl, ***** = A Goddesss
Bikeness: * = No chance, ** = If you get drunk enough with a lot of effort, *** = Can be encouraged, **** = Slutty tendencies obvious, ***** = Perfect whore

Bikeness:

Monique Alexander

Sure, she's just the coach. Remember guys, she's a friend of Dazza Dallas and she's an ex-porn star. The World Cup player and captain, is now a coach with the Tel Aviv Sharks. Older Jeruselemites know all about her wilder days when she still looks good for her age.
Looks: ***
Bikeness: ****
Status: Single

...
Sister Marsha

The assistant coach. She maybe a Nun but she's pretty hot for a Nun. These days she doesn't wear the habit when travelling the world but guys ... she's a still a Nun.
Looks: ***
Bikeness: N/A
Status: Celibate

...
Kara Kool

Kara Kool the retired World Cup player and captain, is now working in the media. She hasn't grown fat and lazy like some Jewish women do, she's stil fit and strong. She hasn't lost her looks after having kids.
Looks: ****
Bikeness: **
Status: Married

...
Shay Rushdie

One of the Jeruselem female keepers. Pretty average for a Jeruselemite girl.
Looks: **
Bikeness: **
Status: Single

...
Jane Darian

The new team Captain. Big strong girl and the first goalkeeper to become a Captain of a Jeruselem. Her build isn't the sexiest around but Jane isn't ugly by any means.
Looks: ***
Bikeness: **
Status: Married

...
Jacinta Sallad

Jeruselem's premier defender. The plucky little Jacinta Dallas clone is favourite of Jeruselem men. Known for her unability to keep her clothes on and also a decent singer as a member of the Two Jacintas.
Looks: ****
Bikeness: *****
Status: Married

...
Dazzarina Intern

A resident slut but isn't the best looking for the girls in the team. Not a bad defender either.
Looks: **
Bikeness: *****
Status: Single

...
Shim LiPing

Pretty Asian defender but she's well behaved. A team player for our team.
Looks: ***
Bikeness: **
Status: Single

...
Celina Sadie Dallas

The ex-Jeru FC captain replaces her auntie Fiskin Dallas as the Dallas defender. Not very bright and easily encouraged into the bedroom. Currently dating the infamous Private Nok Em Downe. She's very pretty but not the smartest Dallas around.
Looks: ****
Bikeness: ****
Status: Single

...
Beth Bootin

Former cheerleader turned football player (sound familar?). Despite her reputation, she's not as bad as reported. The midfielder is a talented player and likes to have fun.
Looks: ***
Bikeness: ***
Status: Single

...
Sally Kool

Another Kool hottie! A young midfielder who can be dangerous scoring goals. Like her cousin Kara, she's pretty hot. She also likes to party but isn't easily tricked into the bedroom.
Looks: ****
Bikeness: **
Status: Single

...
Kate Sallad

If you changed her surname to Dallas, Kate Sallad wouldn't be a different person. Has the essentials of being a Dazza Dallas and is sometimes mistake for Dallas. When it comes to glamour girls, Kate is your girl. Always a camera magnet due to her tendency to remove clothing at funny times. A midfielder who carries Dazza's legacy forward.
Looks: ****
Bikeness: *****
Status: Single

...
Sister Hanna Josh

Another Nun. Unlike Sister Marsha who blends in with the bikes of the team, Sister Hanna Josh stays true to Catholic faith.
Looks: ***
Bikeness: N/A
Status: Celibate

...
Jennifer Sloan

Jenny is new spearhead of the Jeruselem attack with Kara Kool retiring. While not same league as Kara and Kate for looks, she's pretty good looking for a striker. Oh yes, she's a Karate black belt ... so she's not someone to mess around with.
Looks: ***
Bikeness: ***
Status: Single

...
Kylie Sho

A relative of Flak Sho who's married to Jacinta Dallas. Ariddians are never ugly and Kylie is no exception. With Ariddia not in the World Cup, Kylie Sho moved to Jeruselem for the football.

Looks: ****
Bikeness: **
Status: Single

...
Princess Marie-Antoinette Dallas

If one was to clone Dazza Dallas, you'd get Marie. Kate Dallas had a problem with her temper but young Marie who seemed to have same issue has escaped the curse. She's a man's perfect girl for sure. Oh yes, she's not in the team but she's damn deadly striker as a member of the winning Futsal team. She'll kick your ass if you're a loser.

Looks: *****
Bikeness: *****
Status: Single

THE ROCKET REPORT

CARSON SAYS TEAM READY

Tundra Falls, Newmanistan- Well here we are, again. Another World Cup qualifying session is upon us, and our beloved Rockets look to finally reach the World Cup proper. Hey, we enjoy the Cup of Harmony as much as anyone, but there’s so much more out there. The tough question that looms is, what is a fair expectation of Newmanistan in this tournament? We’re still just the 4th highest ranked team within the group, but we look at our opponents and believe that we could have a shot at this. It’s because three teams from the group will “advance”. The top two automatically, and the third, in a “play in” game. The play in game, in theory, would probably be against a team of a similar ranking, so why not believe? Fueling optimism is the presence of Sorthern Northland. Not that we disrespect them, but, you know, we have a good history against them. They are the third ranked team in the group. Could we, perhaps, overtake them? Our history versus the Northerners is mainly at the junior level. We have one win and one loss against them at the senior level. I (Clint Peterson) sat down with the coach, Brian Carson, who is now in his third tour of duty in leading the Empire in the World Cup.

CP: Brian, it’s that time once again. Time for us to sit down and talk about qualification games. Welcome.

BC: My pleasure, Clint.

CP: Brian, first of all, with the ultimatum you had after World Cup 41, and just passing it at the very end, I have to imagine it feels good to still be the head coach.

BC: It does, I want to get this team to the World Cup real bad. I’d love to win it, of course, but you have to get there first.

CP: Fair enough. You included Eric Andrews as an assistant which opened some eyes since has been such a rival of yours at the club level, and was pegged to be your replacement if you didn’t reach the ultimatum. Not that we doubt Eric, but it makes some wonder, why?

BC: I was talking to Eric and the Empress and while we have been rivals at the Cup level for about 15 years or so, we came to the agreement that since we put the best players on the field to represent the country, that we should have the most experienced coaching staff as well, so Eric was added. Him being on the sidelines with me will certainly be of a help. We’re rivals because we’ve both been highly successful. Putting our brains together can only benefit the Empire during qualification.

CP: The format for World Cup 42 qualifying is a lot more friendly to teams in Newmanistan’s general ranking area then the World Cup 41 format was don’t you agree?

BC: Yeah absolutely. Maybe Kose and The Turkomans could have got in the Cup Proper. It was a very competitive group four years ago, that it would have been good to have the third place team also have a shot at advancement. I think that the third place team from that group would have won the play in game, because of what they had to go through in the group just to get there.

CP: The format has also created a lot of optimism throughout the Empire that we will be playing in the World Cup proper, what do you think about that?

BC: I think it’s a good feeling to have. The mood is similar in the locker room, we are very confident. Look, if we didn’t feel that we couldn’t win the World Cup we wouldn’t be here. We’re not here to play for Cup of Harmony positioning, or to what some refer to as, improve your KPB standing. We have a goal of winning the World Cup. That might take some time, but to have a shot, you have to qualify for it. That is the goal, without a doubt.

CP: Az-Cz is the highest ranked team in the group, and while they have had good runs in the Cup, this isn’t necessarily a team that has the history of running the table in qualifying, at least in the last eight years. And Jasi-yun, they’re a team on the rise, but you’d have to think they’re beatable too.

BC: There’s no one that intimidates us in this group. Az-Cz and Jasi-yun are great sides, don’t get me wrong, but I like what we’re bringing out on the pitch to face them.

CP: Now the dreaded the question. You know what it is.

BC: Of course.

CP: You’re record against the worst teams in the group during qualification is quite well......

BC: You can say it, it sucks, I know.

CP: Ok, yes it sucks, so what’s going to be done differently?

BC: If I had the answer for why we have had a tendency to choke in games against weaker teams, we wouldn’t any more. This is a nagging thing. This is one of the reasons we brought in Eric, to help with the motivation and the focus against these lower teams. He had a very good record in taking care of business against them in the Oxen Cups, so between him and I, we feel good that this time around, we will take care of business against Kansiov, Liventia, and East Ying.

CP: 18 points against them?

BC: That’s the goal. It’s 18 points that we should be able to get. Even if it’s 16, we’ll take it. If it gets below 16, then we didn’t do our job, and we’re not going to crack the top 3 that way. I also have to say that we don’t think finishing 2nd in the automatic spot is out of the question, but for that to happen, against those three clubs, we have to have 18 points, for sure.

CP: Can Newmanistan survive another heartbreaking qualification effort especially with the way that in other sports, and in the Di Bradini Cup, there has been a lot of success?

BC: It’ll be tough, and it’s a reminder of why this particular trophy is so special. It is because it is so difficult to win. It will be tough. I think a run like World Cup 41 will be tough though. We have to at least be in it until the very end.

CP: What is the minimum ranking that Newmanistan would take for World Cup 42 qualification to have been considered, acceptable.

BC: We need to get in the low 40's. There’s no reason why we can’t. I want it to be so when draw time comes we get in pot 3, not pot 4. And we were just barely in pot 4. We can’t be near 51 again. I’d say 42 or 43, maybe 44 at minimum.

CP: Alright, that will be it for this edition. Thanks, Brian.

BC: Thanks Clint.

Rennidan International Air Flight 201

303 miles from Qazox

The Rennidan Eagles occupy the majority of the first class cabin, whilst eager fans are 'gently' herded away by the security crew hired specifically for the flight.


This flight hostess, this girl who realized a few months back that school wasn't working and college wasn't worth the grief, this done-up tart who took the job solely for wolf whistles and men with dire pick up lines, this whore, this girl who is innocent in the eyes of her aging parents who are ever so proud of their world-travelling angel, walks past me again, drops something, again, a pencil, a hanky, whatever, and leans over in the lower-than-it-should be uniform to try and perk my attention.

It doesn't work.

I'm busy living this flight through the bottom of my whiskey glass, and all this girl is useful for is filling my glass to its brim, perhaps dropping a fresh chunk of ice in there now and then. She sees me as a catch, the golden notch in a dirty bed post, and I see her as little more than a glorified barkeep.

She soon, to my relief, realizes that I'm just not interested, and moves on to the lads that still play the sport, the lads that are capable of upholding the nation's name without their mind breaking in two, three, thirty eight pieces of what can only be described as depressing insanity.

I finished my drink and continued to wait for Rachel to exit the bathroom. I had, of course, been right, and she had, in fact, relapsed today, on this flight. Male intuition, perhaps, or just the fact that I had seen her relapse before and had memorized the signs. Unfortunately, I had also just been told that she was, in fact, carrying my child. I can't particularly say I was happy with her snorting whilst my kid festered in her gut, but to be honest, the child couldn't come out any more fucked up than it was destined to be.

The screen in front of me is eighteen inches by sixteen, but whereas most others are busy watching the latest high octane thriller, or silly buddy cop comedy, I'm enjoying watching the tiny diagram of the plane, my plane, the team's plane, flying across the vast ocean towards Qazox. It's refreshing to see just how small we are compared to the world, as it reasserts the status you hold for yourself. For instance, I may be one of the most important members of the Rennidan National Football Association, but when you look at the grand scale of things, this means nothing. We are sat upon a world that Nature made, and I am in charge of a team that plays some petty sport that humans made. And yet, football is, perhaps, the most important thing in my life. Without it, I would be nothing but a simple human being. With it, I am more. I am upheld as a wonderman, a hero and a legend. I have a golden cast of my face hanging in the Rennidan Hall of Sporting Fame. I am to be remembered until sport becomes irrelevant.

And yet here I am, sat within a metal bird, drowning my sorrows in Rennidan's finest malt whiskey, sighing at my girlfriend and her silly little habit, groaning at the screeching fans trying to push their way past the steroid monkey security guards and generally feeling like a sack of horse shit.

I wave my hand to the air stewardess. Her eyes widen, perhaps she thinks she may, in fact, be in with a chance. I smile as politely as possible and hold up my empty glass. She freezes, perhaps frowns for a second, but plays the good stewardess role and fills my glass back to the brim. It is at the bottom of a glass, miles above the dark ocean, that I find my happy place.


Some days, I wish I stayed in bed.

Mark Tupper fumed as the training session continued. He'd had to bundle the team into a coach and drive them a hundred kilometers into Noua Cymru lake country over protests that the equestrian was "just getting to the really good part" just to get a proper training camp going.

If this kind of lack of effort was going to continue, he had half a mind to switch half the team with the Olympic players. They sure wouldn't mind since they liked the Olympics so much.

"I wouldn't worry, Mr. Tupper," his assistant had said, "they'll all switch on properly once that flame is doused. It's just until Sunday."

"They'd bloody well better," he'd replied through clenched teeth.

News Article: Rockport Illuminator - Sports Lead

Jet Lag 2, Arroza 0


Eastport, Dancougar: The Tar Hornets plan of playing superior opposition prior to the actual World Cup Qualifiers went as expected, with the Hornets flying around the world to get handed defeats at the hands of two of the world’s top 35 teams, and racked up thousands of frequent flier miles on IslandAir. First the Hornets flew to the similarly maned capitol city, Atlantea in Taeshan for a game in front of 400,000 in the X Island Stadium. The game was relatively one sided as The Purple Knights ran out to an early lead in the third minute as the continuing uncertainty in Central defense led to a complete lack of coordination between Donnelly, and Rios was capitalized on with a wicked through ball from Ying Uing to A.F. Falcn who promptly put it behind Justin Moore. In the 17th minute the Purple knights were at it again, with a errant pass from McIntosh to Camp was intercepted by Zeke Jr. Zeke Jr. calmly dribbled past McIntosh towards the box, where he was fouled by Rios. The free kick taken from 22 yards by Ying Uing curved over the wall and into the top right corner, completely unstoppable from any goalie.

The game calmed down a lot at this point, as Arroza finally got some sort of semblance of how to work the ball upfield. Solid play on the wings from international players Tate Parrish, and Chris Mahaffey led to several opportunities in the last 10 minutes of the first half, capped with an explosive half-volley from Martin Lancaster, that required the full extension of Montague to punch it wide for the corner.

The Tar Hornets inability to put a ball on target came back to haunt them again in the second half. Coach Gaynor really gave the men (and women) the hairdryer treatment at halftime, and they came out with the most attacking we’ve seen since the Baptism of Fire. Blake Camp, was especially noticeable, as he make a couple of deep runs between Riae and Riellis (sp?) but his shots kept hitting post, as he did in the 47th minute, or sailing over the bar into row ZZ, as he did in the 54th minute after a sweet give and dash between him and Parrish that left the Taeshani defense lacking. The defense for their part, was more occupied with locking down Lancaster and Kandji, which they did superbly, as both of the big front men took a combined 3 shots. The attacking style of the team did them in, however as in the seventy-ninth minute, the deep ball to Kandji was intercepted and sent back the other way to Newier, who promptly went straight at and past the sub Alavanha, and popped a shot over the sprawling Moore who had went to save low. And that’s the game right there. 3-Nil Taeshan. And time to get back on the plane, for more of the whirlwind world tour.

Losing streak against Dancougar continues:

After the game against Taeshan, the Tar Hornets took advantage of the International Airport of Eastport, and flew in for their last friendly against the Black Wings on their way to play the Prux Zombies. The game was highly contested, but the complete lack of accuracy in the shooting legs of the Black and Whites let to their eventual defeat. Arroza actually got 20 shots off, but only 9 of those shots were on target, and of those nine, most of those weren’t a challenge to goalie Yuki Watanabe. The lone goal was scored by Dancougar veteran Jericho Layton, who spun Alexis Ivo like a top before going low past Felipe Quintero.

Actually the Tar Hornets played a lot better in this game, mistakes by the defense not withstanding. The offense created a lot of chances for people to put the biscuit in the basket, but the shots just weren’t converted. Analysts say that this may be because of a flaw in newly re-instated coach Ross Gaynor’s training routine, which incorporates the hardest of prison training with high-altitude drills and surplus military equipment donated from the Department of Prisons and Rehabilitation. When coach Gaynor was queried about this he said, “If these punks can’t handle it after just a year out and working with their pansy club teams then to hell with them. There will be extra targeting practice though tomorrow after the shipment of whips and skeet targets get here to Prux. Also we need to find a mountain plain to practice on.” When asked what the whips were for, the curt reply was “Well that’s for when they miss, obviously.”

Corrections:
The King of Bostopia is on a “nature retreat” according to sources in the Bostopian Government. We apologize for the confusion this may have caused.
Due to the anticipation of injuries brought about by the coaching methods of Ross Gaynor, the following men were released from Angola State penitentiary and into the care of Gaynor for the purposes of playing soccer.

Forward: David Hayes
Winger (Left): Kevin Barrow
DM/C: Greg Chevalier
D/C: Andre Sherard

Sherard will reportedly be the new starting center defenseman alongside Rodrigo Rios, and Chevalier may be given the spot at holding midfielder of Mcintish doesn’t measure up at the position.

Match Preview:
At Prux (39) : They’re a hard team, no doubt. But compared to the two teams that Arroza just played in qualifying they don’t look that imposing. And compared to practice events like Landmine Landmine Revolution! (footwork drill) the idea of being up against zombies doesn’t seem so bad either. The Department of sport has requested that mouthpieces be applied to all Pruxian zombies in order to prevent the spread of any death related ailments.

What to worry about: Any of their midfielders or attakers could slash through our defense like a hot knife through melted butter of they were alive. And since they haven’t played a friendly, we have no idea how they’ll play as dead people.

Prediction: 2-1 Prux.

Valanora Broadcasting Service
Currently Airing ~ News of the Day

"And moving onto sports, the Marauders were held to a scoreless draw in a home friendly with fellow regionmates, and co-hosts of the upcoming tournament, Cafundeu. The bigger news comes from the announcement of the draw, where the side will be taking on Demot, Green Wombat, the Blouman Empire, West Zirconia, as well as a few new boys. Let's move over to Trankile Dulurai for... hold on a second. This just in, the Great Leader is making an announcement outside his family's mansion, we will be switching to this broadcast momentarily."

The screen flashes black for a moment before flashing back on to the scene of a handful of journalists outside the gates of the Raynor Mansion. The backdrop is filled up with the great bronze statue of Jas Hatire in front of a fountain. The gates then slowly open, with the Great Leader moving to a small platform, with his wife right by his side.

"Good evening Valanora. I come before you today humbled and with a new perspective on life, on our glorious country. As you all know, for the last few years I have worked tiredlessly to restore our country to its' brilliance following the Tides of Darkness. Forsaking all measures of pleasure and comfort, I vowed to have our star back in ascendency. And so it is now, four years passed since those horrible times that I have achieved what I sought out to accomplish. Though there is still some work to be done, we are whole and rising once more to power, to glory.

Life is quite funny though, even to us long lived elven kind. We live on the edge of a blade, if we falter just a little, travesties abound are to occur. It is then with great regret that I am compelled to confide in you, my people, of a prophecy the merciful goddess has revealed to me, and others. In two years time the drow will rise again, in much large numbers than they did on the eve of the Darkness, with even their dastardly and twisted matriarchs coming forth. Their black magic will be too much for our technology, for our own magic wielding brothern, for Elune herself. We will be exterminated one by one until our people are wiped from the very face of the planet, leaving a trail of sorrow and despair in the lands we call home.

There is hope though, there is always hope. Elune has been aware of this plot against us for sometime and has been working to secure our survival since. I know not all of you believe in her, or if you do, doubt in her ability to keep us safe after the Tides. If you do not trust in her, trust in me then. I, nor has my entire family, ever lead this country wrong, always putting the country before our own whims. A plan is in action, a plan that will see our survival of this upcoming conflict, and from any threat that ever again rises against us. I can not divulge the full details of this plan, for obvious reasons, but I can tell you that there are things in motion now that can not be undone.

As such, I come again to my humility. It is with great reluctance that I am leaving my post as Great Leader, with my wife taking up the seat. It is already been agreed upon by the Senate, and the new High Priestess will be coming to the perform the coronation ceromony later in the week. Trust in Lady Oromë as you have trusted in me, my grandfather, and my uncle before-hand. Our destiny awaits, and we will be guided there in her hands.

Serve thy nation, then serve thy Goddess!!!"

End Broadcast

The Albrecht Herald Online>Sports>Football
Seventh heaven? Don’t Bett on it.
By Mack Hession

Eight, you’ll no doubt be entirely sick of hearing, is widely considered a lucky number in certain yellow parts of the world. Unfortunately, this is only the Big Blues’ seventh attempt at qualifying for the World Cup finals, and seven is lucky only in the deeply distressing mathematical sense. On the plus side; there were seven virtues, seven deadly sins, seven sorrows of the Virgin (I can guess one, though the other six don’t spring to mind so easily) and seven seals, which I’m reliable informed will appear at the End of Days, flapping their flippers together and retracting their nipples despondently.

Since we now have Niv Cohen in the squad – and set to start at that, with Ryan Edwards ruled out with injury – we should take this opportunity to stress the deeply symbolic of seven, what with the nations of Israel, and the menorah, and the number of Ushpizzin – and I for one will be enjoying a thoroughly merry ushpizzin should we actually qualify for Cafundéu and Septentrionia. And, for our Candelariasian Bettian readers, shall we add that there are seven earths, seven heavens and, cheerily, seven fire of hell.

And, talking of Bettia; there’s the reason in six letters why none of the above matters remotely, and why Patsy’s Magic Bullet, the popular rock combo, have moved a planned gig at the Solidarity Stadium later in the year to the smaller Northern Ponds stadium, thereby freeing up the country’s largest arena for the home leg of a post-qualifying play-off. If we’re lucky, it could be against Arozza, Lovisa or West Zirconia. And if we’re not, we’ll be up against the Holy Empire, Sel Appa or World Cup 41 semi-finalists Kura-Pelland. I reckon that rates a flaccid, sarcastic “woo”, don’t you?

On the face of it, we should of course have great cause for optimism. This is really not a difficult group, and there is simply no plausible way that Kris Healy’s men should fail to finish third. But higher than that would seem a pipe dream, for all that Healy and his team might talk up their chances. Operation: Bettia is supposedly the mission, based on the unlikely notion that the reigning Cup of Harmony champions are now fit and ready to pounce on the two-time World Cup winners. This current Big Blues side is surely better than any before them, the pollyanna pundits argue, even better than that which was once ranked twenty-second in the world – the same position that the Bettia now occupies.

But the Bettians are in a false position following a disastrous World Cup finals; while this C&M team remains, for all its success in Newmanistan, an experimental side. The presence of Oberon Martinez and Ignacio Vélez at either end of the pitch helped mask – no pun intended, re: Matteo Corradini – the rest of the XI’s deficiencies in a way that Joel Sbaïz and Tom Smith are surely incapable of, and Aa nation with the experience and resources of Bettia must be able to deal with the confusion and tactical ill-discipline inherent in a team containing all of Merlin Siriwong, Dionísio Madeira Lobos and Ryan Edwards… and that’s even assuming that the Big Blues do not slip up against any of group seven’s lesser lights.

Of those, Terreiro de Ogum are plainly the most threatening (there are, by the way, seven main Orixás, seven linhas of Exu, and, of course, sete encruzilhadas), though Healy’s men dealt fairly easily with this side mere months ago. Several of the C&M team will have memories of a deceptively difficult 2-0 victory over a Kosovoe side at the fourth Di Bradini Cup, but the Taeshani protectorate surely cannot hope to reach their heights of their cousins nor Atlantian Oceanian neighbours any time soon. The United Island Empire are a vast state neighbouring the Fujisawan Territories, but they last entered World Cup qualifying before even our own first attempt, and can hardly be counted upon to offer up a real challenge.

Meanwhile, there’s An Blascaod Mór. While we may know Cúchulainn only as a satellite channel that shows Sorthern League games (and somehow managed to win the rights to the CMS Cup live games last year), every good citizen of the World Cup’s (current) tiniest competitor should be aware that the epic hero possessed seven fingers on each hand, seven toes on each foot, seven pupils in each eye and, presumably, decedents in west Candelaria. More good omens? Perhaps, but considering that a team comprising the best of the island finished some twenty points behind that of Little Clotaire in the SD3, it’s fair to say that An Blascaod Mór should not worry us, or anyone.

Zwangzug? Forget it. Bettia are the challenge, but I’m afraid I just can’t see it. Me, I’ve already booked my tickets for the play-off against Lovisa. And then, whatever happens, we can sit back and enjoy the friendly against Taeshan. It’s on the seventh.

And that proves what? God knows, I just needed a theme. Tell you what; Wikipedia’s a massive boon to us sportswriters.

See you on the other side!

World Cup 42 Qualifying Group Seven

MD1: Kosovoe v. C&M (Zwalgfelder Arena, Port Kosovoe)
MD2: C&M v. Terreiro de Ogum (Estadio Arrigo Nacional, Arrigo)
MD3: Bettia v. C&M (Tiddles Park, Gabalfa)
MD4: Bye Matchday
MD5: C&M v. Zwangzug (Soldarity Stadium, Albrecht)
MD6: United Island Empires v. C&M (Sekore Island)
MD7: C&M v An Blascaod Mór (Clifton Sausage Company Arena, Allemali)
Mid-Qualifying Friendly?
MD8: C&M v. Kosovoe (Kaleta Online Dome, Caires)
MD9: Terreiro de Ogum v. C&M (Terreiro de Ogum do Pai Alcir, Pai Alcir de Macaé)
MD10: C&M v. Bettia (Solidarity Stadium, Albrecht)
MD11: Bye Matchday
MD12: Zwangzug v. C&M (Wayr Stadium, Rackham Range)
MD13: C&M v. United Island Empires (Solidarity Stadium, Albrecht)
MD14: An Blascaod Mór v. C&M

Play-offs: (Home leg at Solidarity Stadium, Albrecht)

Post-Qualifying Friendly: C&M v. Taeshan (Estadio Arrigo Nacional, Arrigo)

THE REVELATION OF THE GROUP DRAW
ACCORDING TO FR. JOHN THE GOLDEN-THROATED

I

[1] The Revelation of the World Cup Draw, which God gave unto us, to shew unto his servants things which must shortly come to pass; and he sent and signified it by his angel unto his servant John:
[2] Who bare record of the word of God, and of the testimony of Jesus Christ, and of all things that he saw.
[3] Blessed is he that readeth, and they that hear the words of this prophecy, and keep those things which are written therein: for the time is at hand.
[4] John to the seven teams in our group: Grace be unto you, and peace, from him which is, and which was, and which is to come; and from the seven Spirits which are before his throne;
[5] And from Jesus Christ, who is the faithful witness, and the first begotten of the dead, and the prince of the kings of the earth. Unto him that loved us, and washed us from our sins in his own blood,
[6] And hath made us kings and priests unto God and his Father; to him be glory and dominion for ever and ever. Amen.
[7] Behold, he cometh with clouds; and every eye shall see him, and they also which pierced him: and all kindreds of the earth shall wail because of him. Even so, Amen.
[8] I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the ending, saith the Lord, which is, and which was, and which is to come, the Almighty.
[9] I John, who also am your brother, and companion in tribulation, and in the kingdom and patience of Jesus Christ, was in the nation that is called the Archregimancy, for the word of God, and for the testimony of Jesus Christ.
[10] I was in the Spirit on the Lord's day, and heard behind me a great voice, as of a trumpet,
[11] Saying, I am Alpha and Omega, the first and the last: and, What thou seest, write in a book, and send it unto the seven teams which are in your group; unto Jeruselem, and unto Kiryu-Shi, and unto Icy Cold Death Touch, and unto the Archregimancy, and unto Ixania, and unto Magna Sancta Sedes, and unto Sel Appa.
[12] And I turned to see the voice that spake with me. And being turned, I saw seven golden candlesticks;
[13] And in the midst of the seven candlesticks one like unto the Son of man, clothed with a garment down to the foot, and girt about the paps with a golden girdle.
[14] His head and his hairs were white like wool, as white as snow; and his eyes were as a flame of fire;
[15] And his feet like unto fine brass, as if they burned in a furnace; and his voice as the sound of many waters.
[16] And he had in his right hand seven stars: and out of his mouth went a sharp twoedged sword: and his countenance was as the sun shineth in his strength.
[17] And when I saw him, I fell at his feet as dead. And he laid his right hand upon me, saying unto me, Fear not; I am the first and the last:
[18] I am he that liveth, and was dead; and, behold, I am alive for evermore, Amen; and have the keys of hell and of death.
[19] Write the things which thou hast seen, and the things which are, and the things which shall be hereafter;
[20] The mystery of the seven stars which thou sawest in my right hand, and the seven golden candlesticks. The seven stars are the captains of the seven teams: and the seven candlesticks which thou sawest are the seven teams.

II

[1] And I saw a new heaven and a new earth: for the first heaven and the first earth were passed away; and there was no more sea.
[2] And I John saw the goal of qualification coming down from God out of heaven, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband.
[3] And I heard a great voice out of heaven saying, Behold, qualification for the cup is with men, and it will dwell with them, and they shall be called 'fans', and God himself shall be with them, and be their God.
[4] And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.
[5] And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. And he said unto me, Write: for these words are true and faithful.
[6] And he said unto me, It is done. I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. I will give unto him that is a thirst of the fountain of the water of life freely.
[7] He that overcometh the other teams in the group shall inherit all things; and I will be his God, and he shall be my son.
[8] But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, which is to say, all other teams in the group, particularly the saint stealing schismatic heretics of Magna Sancta Sedes, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.
[9] And there came unto me one of the seven angels which had the seven vials full of the seven last plagues, which had condemned most of the seven teams in qualification to everlasting doom, and talked with me, saying, Come hither, I will shew thee the bride, the Lamb's wife.
[10] And he carried me away in the spirit to a great and high mountain, and shewed me that great goal, qualifiation for the Cup, descending out of heaven from God,
[11] Having the glory of God: and the light of qualification was like unto a stone most precious, even like a jasper stone, clear as crystal;
[12] And the stadia of Cafundeu and Septentronia each had a wall great and high, and had twelve gates, and at the gates twelve angels, and names written thereon, which are the names of the twelve tribes of the children of Israel:
[13] On the east three gates; on the north three gates; on the south three gates; and on the west three gates.
[14] And the wall of the city had twelve foundations, and in them the names of the twelve apostles of the Lamb.
[15] And he that talked with me had a golden reed to measure the city, and the gates thereof, and the wall thereof.
[16] And the city lieth foursquare, and the length is as large as the breadth: and he measured the city with the reed, twelve thousand furlongs. The length and the breadth and the height of it are equal.
[17] And he measured the wall thereof, an hundred and forty and four cubits, according to the measure of a man, that is, of the angel.
[18] And the building of the wall of it was of jasper: and the city was pure gold, like unto clear glass.
[19] And the foundations of the wall of the city were garnished with all manner of precious stones. The first foundation was jasper; the second, sapphire; the third, a chalcedony; the fourth, an emerald;
[20] The fifth, sardonyx; the sixth, sardius; the seventh, chrysolite; the eighth, beryl; the ninth, a topaz; the tenth, a chrysoprasus; the eleventh, a jacinth; the twelfth, an amethyst.
[21] And the twelve gates were twelve pearls; every several gate was of one pearl: and the street of the city was pure gold, as it were transparent glass.
[22] And I saw no temple therein: for qualification for the cup was the temple of it.
[23] And the city had no need of the sun, neither of the moon, to shine in it: for the glory of God did lighten it, and the Lamb is the light thereof.
[24] And the nations of them which have qualified shall walk in the light of it: and the kings of the earth do bring their glory and honour into it.
[25] And the gates of it shall not be shut at all by day: for there shall be no night there.
[26] And they shall bring the glory and honour of the nations into it.
[27] And there shall in no wise enter into it any thing that defileth, neither whatsoever worketh abomination, or maketh a lie, as with the whores of Jeruselem or the heretics of Magna Sancta Sedes: but they which are written in the Lamb's book of life.

III

[1] And he shewed me a pure river of water of life, clear as crystal, proceeding out of the throne of God and of the Lamb.
[2] In the midst of the street of it, and on either side of the river, was there the tree of life, which bare twelve manner of fruits, and yielded her fruit every month: and the leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations.
[3] And there shall be no more curse: but the throne of God and of the Lamb shall be in it; and his servants shall serve him:
[4] And they shall see his face; and his name shall be in their foreheads.
[5] And there shall be no night there; and they need no candle, neither light of the sun; for the Lord God giveth them light: and they shall reign for ever and ever.
[6] And he said unto me, These sayings are faithful and true: and the Lord God of the holy prophets sent his angel to shew unto his servants the things which must shortly be done.
[7] Behold, I come quickly: blessed is he that keepeth the sayings of the prophecy of this book.
[8] And I John saw these things, and heard them. And when I had heard and seen, I fell down to worship before the feet of the angel which shewed me these things.
[9] Then saith he unto me, See thou do it not: for I am thy fellowservant, and of thy brethren the prophets, and of them which keep the sayings of this book: worship God.
[10] And he saith unto me, Seal not the sayings of the prophecy of this book: for the time is at hand.
[11] He that is unjust, as with Magna Sancta Sedes, let him be unjust still: and she which is filthy, as with the the whores of Jeruselem, let her be filthy still: and he that is righteous, as with the Archregimancy, let him be righteous still.
[12] And, behold, I come quickly; and my reward is with me, to give every man according as his work shall be.
[13] I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end, the first and the last.
[14] Blessed are they that do his commandments, that they may have right to the tree of life, and may enter in through the gates into the city.
[15] For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and Magna Sancta Sedes, and Jeruselem, and Sel Appa, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie, as with the other heathens in the group.
[16] I Jesus have sent mine angel to testify unto you these things in the churches. I am the root and the offspring of David, and the bright and morning star.
[17] And the Spirit and the bride say, Come. And let him that heareth say, Come. And let him that is athirst come. And whosoever will, let him take the water of life freely.
[18] For I testify unto every man that heareth the words of the prophecy of this book, If any man shall add unto these things, God shall add unto him the plagues that are written in this book:
[19] And if any man shall take away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part out of the book of life, and out of the holy city, and from the things which are written in this book.
[20] He which testifieth these things saith, Surely I come quickly. Amen. Even so, maranatha, blessed qualification.

World Cup Qualification - Group 1
MD1: vs Sel Appa
MD2: @ Icy Cold Death Touch
MD3: vs Kiryu-shi
MD4: @ Ixania
MD5: -bye-
MD6: vs Jeruselem
MD7: @ The Archregimancy
MQ: TBD
MD8: @ Sel Appa
MD9: vs Icy Cold Death Touch
MD10: @ Kiryu-shi
MD11: vs Ixania
MD12: -bye-
MD13: @ Jeruselem
MD14: vs The Archregimancy
PQ: vs The Holy Empire (@ TBD)

Nel mezzo del cammin di nostra vita
mi ritrovai per una selva oscura
ché la diritta via era smarrita.

Father Thomas de Turrecremata stood over the documents concerning the Most Holy Representative Football Team's ventures. Their first match would be against the turtle-lovers from Sel Appa. He needed the proper tool to greet these chelonid idolators, and nothing seemed proper. He grabbed the sledgehammer. Perhaps he could smash turtles? But why should he punish the animals, who were the object of idolatry? Let God deal with the turtles. Perhaps he could smash the Sel Appans? But that was too violent. Ah, he could film the smashing of fake turtles, to show them that their objects of idolatry were not worthy of idolatry. And it would turn them to God, whose beneficence would forgive their trepasses.

"Father, we are nearly ready for the match. The team is ready for your questions."

Father Thomas turned to the monk, who had shaved that morning. "I have a question for you."

"Yes, father?"

"Do you think turtles look good in pink?"

"Ummmm... no."

"Good. That is all. The team will not need me."

The monk stepped away, a little confused at the Father's question. But Turrecremata had the perfect solution.

"I will show them a pink turtle!" And lo! he did...

http://www.chelydra.org/albino19.jpg

O Simon mago, o miseri seguaci
che le cose di Dio, che di bontate
deon essere spose, e voi rapaci

per oro e per argento avolterate,
or convien che per voi suoni la tromba,
però che ne la terza bolgia state.

Pope HONORIFICABILITVDINITATIBVS looked at the piece of paper, a little baffled. "They published another Revelation of Saint John?"

"Not of Saint John, Holy Father. Friar Iohannes Chrysogulus." The receiving Cardinal wasn't too enthusiastic about receiving the news from the public press. "If you the complete translation, the Friar receives word from God that we are numbered among the 'saint stealing schimatic heretics', which I find disturbing."

"Bah, they come from the Dreamed Realm; he probably made up half of this stuff."

"But what if Friar John did receive this revelation?"

The Pope replied rather tersely, "What makes you expect the Schimatics to tell the truth? They probably replaced every mention of heresy with Magna Sanctus Sedes and every mention of righteousness with Archregimancy. I mean, if they can't be bothered to accept that the LORD Jesus Christ gave the Holy Roman Catholic spiritual authority on Earth, then they can't be bothered to be true Christians. I recall that this was the primary reason for the excommunication of Patriarch Michael Cærularius."

"I thought Pope Paulus VI remitted the Papal Bull of Excommunication of 1054."

The Pope heard this and nodded. "We must recall that our principal objective is reconciliation, not division."

"There is little chance that the monks will accept Papal authority in their lifetime."

"Indeed, but perhaps the Holy Empire could be persuaded to persuade their monatic brothers to abandon this childish chase for salvation without Papal authority."

"But maybe men don't need Papal authority to receive salvation. Just believing in Jesus Christ is enough?"

Pope HONORIFICABILITVDINITATIBVS sat there with wide eyes. Here was a Catholic Cardinal defending Orthodox theology with Protestant doctrine. What sort of world was this turning into?

"I'm ready to pronounce something very terribly upon you for your heretical statements. Recant them now."

"Of course, Holy Father. I recant all of my statements pertaining salvation and Papal authority. Please forgive me."

"You are forgiven." Well, that was a close one...

Well with the World Cup about to start, Prime Minister and National Team Manager, Andrew Wood has been finishing of his administrative duties before the games begin.

Today Land de Wood filed their attackive style [+3] hoping it was not too late for the organisers to receive.
Also filed was their kit, first choice is red shirt with blue shorts, second choice is green shirt with yellow shorts, and goalies is purple shirt with blue navy shorts. All shirts feature a white band and also a band coloured the same as their shorts.
Final filing details can be found in our edited roster here, (which was announced last week) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13935338&postcount=28)

Andrew Wood has agreed with Coalfires United and Wood Limited to use their 50,000 seater stadium, The Coallands which has a 5* silver rating as the national team's main stadium. This will be used for the games against Prux, Bazalonia, Arroza, Bostopia which are expected to draw bigger crowds.
Meanwhile the games against Nuevos Aires and Greal will be at Northern Lights' 27,500 seater stadium, North Park which has a 4* silver rating as these games are unlikely to draw such big crowds.

Land de Wood's first game is against Bostopia who are second favourites and to make matters worse is away. It is not going to be an easy game at the Bostopia Stadium in Fort Boston, with about one hundred thousand Bostopian fans cheering on their team. However, with rumours spreading that their Emperor is missing possibly leaving them a bit distracted, now could be a good time to play them.

Andrew Wood says he is determined his team are not going to sit back and defend for 90 minutes but instead in every game will go out looking for goals. He has announced his team will be playing the following 4-3-1-2 formation:
Patrick Clemence
David Aimer Gary Lewis Stephen Diddon Woodrow Derby
Aaran Whitemore David Clemance Kevin Wallace
Tom Darkless
Richard Higgins Stephen Redrow

After the Baptism of Fire, fairly much what we expected in team selection then. Ray Horse is not fit enough to start so that solves the selection dilemma for the right wing spot as Tom Darkless will be used in Ray Horse's usual position behind the front man. Some surprise that Larry Derby is not included as a holding man especially for such a tough away game, but as we previously mentioned Wood is determined his side will attack from the outset.
Stephen Redrow obviously did enough to hold on to his striking position despite Gary Hoggins display in the 3rd/4th Baptism of Fire play off.

Their man to watch: Tom Darkless the first Land de Wood player to play for a foreign side, has got to be the man to watch as he looks to lay down his claim for a regular starting position and is given the freedom to roam around the pitch.
Possible weakness: Has the defense got enough pace to keep up with Bostopia's attack?

Their man to watch: Karl Loewe, who like Darkless will be launching attacks from that hole behind the attackers position
Possible weakness: A lack of experience, a team entirely made up of 24 year olds, may be lacking the necessary experience against a team known to do the unpredictable and also unnerved by their Emperor reportedly going missing.

So can Land de Wood start their first ever world cup qualifying campaign with a win? Or will Graham Partland's Bostopia get an expected home win? Find out tomorrow as we continue our World Cup Qualifying Special.

"Gentlemen," the meeting was quickly brought to order. Quite why Lord-Protector Tiberius Starblayde had taken the time to order the great and the good of the Starblaydia national football team set-up was beyond them. Tiberius had requested - commanded - the presence of Lord Khim Azanulbizarn - the Minister for Sport, Paul Noble - the head of the Starblaydi Football Association and Lex Panarii - the national team manager. "I have asked you here to answer what should be a fairly simple question: what do we do next?"

The dwarf and the two men looked at each other, sitting as they were on the other side of the ornate and probably rather ancient table from the Lord-Protector. One former captain and World Cup winning manager, a former captain and former highest-cap-winner, along with the former captain and current manager, and they were, as is known in the trade, shit out of ideas.

"I know all about the 'World Championship by the Fiftieth Edition' plan," Tiberius continued, "and you lot have managed to do that in four years, rather than forty, which has left us with a delightful dilemma of where to go from here."

"Another World Championship by the Fiftieth Edition?" Offered Paul Noble. Paul was noted in his playing days for his stunning dead ball and crossing abilities, but coming up with fresh, policy-setting ideas was not within his skills set.

Tiberius, however, completely ignored the suggestion. "We have risen back to well inside the top ten in the world, we have a third World Cup trophy in the cabinet and now can count ourselves as among the greatest footballing nations of all time. We have a brand new stadium, the most modern and environmentally friendly, carbon neutral and so forth piece of public architecture in the world. We have a cosmopolitan squad that is farmed out to all the greatest leagues in the world. We are the bedrock of international youth tournaments, coming off the back of one of the best hostings of a World Cup in recent memory and, as always, we must begin, again, for the forty-second World Cup. I put it to you again, gentlemen, what do we do next?"

"More." Khim stated with a glint in his eye, rolling the 'R' sound like distant thunder around his tongue.

"A target of more Championships than any nation in history," Lex said excitedly.

"But how do we do those things," Tiberius asked, slamming the palms of his hands down flat onto the table, "our programmes and spending have got us this far, but how do we push on, how do we progress when everyone else is pushing to catch us up?"

There was a long silence as each was alone with his thoughts. Man and Dwarf alike struggled to come up with new ways of developing something that had been going on in Starblaydia for over a century - the drive to improve the national football team. With a final stroke of his beard, Khim Azanulbizarn spoke.

"We have tae improve our national team," he said in his usual thick accent, stroking his thick beard, having drunk his thick tea, "but ye cannae spend all t'money on top side o't'anvil." His colloquialism, for human ears, would be translated as pyramid, rather than anvil. "Ye have tae have t'base and t'hammer, an' a fire hot enough t'make ye t'best steel."

"That's right," Paul said, seizing on the 'new' idea and, instead of moving it forward, he merely explained it further to let everyone else know that he looked like he knew what he was talking about. "Not only the elite at the top needs support, but the grass roots as well have to have the opportunity and the competition to raise them up to that elite level."

"Young Lions... Play the game..." Lex murmured before speaking up properly. "The elite footballers must have their every need catered for, but in order for them to become elite footballers in the first place, they must start at the earliest possible age. Every child should have a ball and a chance, if they want it, to try and make it in to the white-and-purple shirt. Try them out, spot the talent and the drive and the potential. Whittle them down, slowly but surely, until only the quickest, keenest, strongest and toughest remain. Those with vision, pace, touch, strength, skill, agility, teamwork and leadership shall be the ones who represent Starblaydia itself, stepping forward to win honour and glory, for a fourth and then that all-important record fifth title, and the banner forever proclaiming 'Greatest of All Time'."

Lex certainly did have a way of waxing lyrical about any subject. Whether as an ex-History Professor or a currently phenomenal man-manager and inspiring figurehead of the national team, he was always one to get lost in the beauty of words and of the moment, rambling on and on until arriving at his conclusions.

"It'll cost ye, laddie." Ever the Dwarfsense from Khim.

"For an eternal legacy for Starblaydia, there is no limit on available funds," Tiberius said, "this moment and this plan will not be ruined by mere price-taggery. Now, to work out the details..."

Demot Daily ~ A New Era?

For the first time in many Cups, the Dynamo are not a first seed in the qualifying draw, after a poor outing in the last Proper saw them slipped from tenth to thirteenth. Also for the first time in history, there are more national team started based in foriegn leagues than in the domestic league. In addition, a youth movement has been made, with several old faces either retiring or not getting the callup, with only the Songsteel remaining from the second-place finish of 38, when he was a new lad who had just worked himself into the NT spotlight. What does this all mean for the Demotian NT, and for the supporters who devote their time, effort, and money into cheering them on?

What is clear that this is now a time of major changes inside the Demotian camp. For the first time we have a foriegn manager, that is sign enough if the others were not soo present. The result in the short-term is likely going to be a tournament of transition, though a spot in the Finals is likely assured, if only through the playoffs. The Blouman Empire and West Zirconia are both strong sides that have bright futures ahead of them in the competition, I just can not fathom a scenario where they can overcome the top three of this group. Valanora will in all likelyhood run away with the group as they have done in their past four qualifying efforts, where Green Wombat will prove a constant threat to us in the second spot. It might be through our tilts against each other that the Bloumans could possibly slip into the playoffs, but luck would most definately need to be on their side.

The person I suggest people pay attention to this upcoming tournament if Theros. He excelled in the second division of the Elven league, and in his single season in the Premiership, but that's just it. He has only one season of top notch competition under his belt and might not be ready for the speed and tenacity of the international game. Also with Renário severely more offensive approach compared to Floorin's, he will be exposed on dangerous counters. Normally I would say that he would have the upper hand on the Vanorians, playing in their league for four seasons, but as it is, the majority of their NT is composed of foriegn-based players as well. If might be that our progession will lie in his young hands, and whether he is up to the challange will be vital in this qualification.

Article by Denise Bomstin

http://img244.imageshack.us/img244/9962/antoileanachlr9.png (http://imageshack.us)

Good defeat sets island up for World Cup Qualifying campaign

After many years of waiting Beiginis finally hosted an An Blascoad Mór game last night, it was a game against neighbours Sorthern Northland, one of the many growing powers in world football. The pre-match debate was more about how many goals Sorthern Northland would score rather than whether An Blascaod Mór had a hope in hell of winning the game.

It was then something of a surprise that Sorthern Northland hadn't gone 3 or 4 up when the half time whistle blew. It wasn't that Sorthern Northland were bombarding the goal but missing their chances either. They had had a few chances, all of which needed fantastic saves from Tomás O'Neil to keep them out. But Sorthern keeper Adam Federluchi was needed just as much as O'Neil to keep the scores level as a dodgy looking Sorthern defence seemed intent on conceding. For the most part the second half was the same until experience got the better of An Blascaod Mór. And they don't come much more experienced than Sorthern left winger Feng Shui. So often in the past the 96 year old has been called upon to dig his team out of a hole and again last night he was needed as the sun faded over the horizon. With just ten minutes of the match left and An Blascaod Mór starting to feel a draw was there's a combination of Feng Shui's experience and the inexperience of the Islands defenders came together. A long ball from Pafnutij Ipatovič Lenin had failed to find it's man and was seemingly going out for a An Blascaod Mór goal kick. Kenny Krouger was the nearest to it, and would have been expected to hoof it out of play and into the sea if need be. However he like everyone else felt it was going out of play and left the ball. One man didn't think it was going out though and that was Feng Shui. With the ball nearing the goal line, he, to Krouger's surprise stopped it dead, Krouger made a desperate lunge for it, quick feet from Feng made sure Krouger didn't get it. If that was good what came next was even better. With no Sortherners in the box, Feng had no one to cross to. Instead, despite being pretty much on the goal line and level with the post he choose to shoot. O'Neil in the goal had left his line expecting a cross, and from the stupidest of angles Feng had once again won the game and saved the blushes for Sorthern Northland.

Whilst An Blascaod Mór hearts will have undoubtedly dropped following the goal, they can be proud of taking the world 33rd ranked team to the wire. Pundits in Candelaria And Marquez have already said of An Blascaod Mór's team, "it’s fair to say that An Blascaod Mór should not worry us, or anyone." Perhaps that is true, but Sorthern Northland thought that as well. The message is clear then, we may not qualify for the World Cup or be much more than whipping boys, but be careful of underestimating us at your peril.

Random guy 1: Why this sudden cuttage of momentum?

Random guy 2: Because some person we like to laugh at is missing in Bostopia

Random guy 1: Ah yeah... we heard him scream that other day, right?

Random guy 2: Ah yeah... I remember now... it had something to do with ghosts and a Jimmy guy, right?

Random guy 1: No... it sounded more like... RP CUTOFF! JIMMY DO ONE, BRUV!

Scores are here (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13941431&postcount=3)

Knights go 2-1 in friendlies then lose to Wentland in first home game of the Qualifying campaign

We;ll it all started with the Knights playing there first Soccer game of the season versus the Arroza Tar Hornets on X Island at the Metropark. The Knights defeated the Tar Hornets who went on to lose to the Dancougar Black Wings in another friendly. The Knight scorers were cA.F. Falcon, Brian Ying Uing, and the young rookie starter Doug Newier. The Knights left for Jeruselem on a happy note.

But there hopes were dashed by the Jeruselemites who defeated the Knight squad in a 3-1 one sided affair. Ying Uing scored the only Taeshani goal. Then the Knights went home to get ready for the big opening qualifying game against the team from Wentland. The Fans were all fired up for the first game against one of the teams Knights youngsters looked up to in there early cups, but the fans were in for a suprise.

Yes without notifying the team Knights manager Zeke had signed a deal with Jeruselem that made the friendlies a home/away competition. Then it was announced it would be a Purple Knight double header. The Knights beat up on the the jews 2-0 this time with Ying Uing again scorering the only goals against Jeruselem but this time for a win.

The deal was badly cordinated for the Knights tjhough as they got ready for the big game they were really tired. th team from Wentland did not have a double header game so they were not as tired as the Knights going into the game and they swept the team aside 2-0.

Dancougar News!!
More trustworthy than a Comcast border router!

Dancougar 1 @ Lovisa 2 (FT): Dear, oh dear, that's not the start we were looking for! We got the score right, except in reverse. Lovisa exploited the same holes in the Black Wing defense that were exposed by Arroza and managed to halt a second half comeback to earn the home victory, sending a sharp message to the team.

"We were very poor in the final third," said Charles DuPont. Indeed, neither Potts nor Jinguuji got a good look at goal until the second half, and not even the fresh legs of Shiro Furuya were able to generate more than a paltry two shots which were gobbled up by the Lovisa 'keeper. The Wings had three shots in the first half, all out of the midfield, much to the dismay of the fans who made the trip.

Lovisa started a major offensive just past the ten minute mark and pinned the Wings in their own half with smooth passing and dangerous runs. The defense scrambled to cover, but Brandon Barclay looked a step too slow all afternoon. After hitting the post in the 14th minute, Lovisa looked primed to score after a corner found its way to a wide open man at the far post. But Casey Berber was there to head off the line, and all was well.

But the home fans had a reason to cheer in the 33rd minute when Barclay lost his man and let a cross flash across the top of the box. A diagonal run and a one time shot was all it took to beat Watanabe, who dove late and watched it curl into the far corner for the lead. "I thought I had a good beat on the ball, but he got a little more on it than I thought," said Watanabe. "Normally I get that."

The Wings weren't showing any of the form they flashed in friendly wins over Newmanistan and Arroza, with far too many passes getting cut off by the Lovisa defense. Even Lyle Dylandy, normally the best man on the team with a ball at his feet, was guilty of lazy giveaways. Too many crosses to nobody in the box... too many through balls that flew yards past the target.

In the 52nd minute, Lovisa made it two after a defensive error from Milan van der Horst. A low ball was played into the box and Watanabe called for it, but van der Horst found himself in the way. The ball took a bounce off his outstretched foot, leaving Watanabe to grasp at air as the ball ricocheted behind him to a wide open Lovisa forward, who popped it in to the crowd's approval. Two-nil up, and the home side was cruising.

Finally, the Wings found some offense. After kicking it around aimlessly for nearly an hour, it took two minutes for the Wings to get back on track. Jericho Leyton received the ball thirty yards out and weaved around one defender. Seeing no passing lanes, he brought it to the top of the box and fired. The defenders sensed the danger too late and failed to step up and challenge the shot, and it sailed past the outstretched arms of the 'keeper into the top corner. Jinguuji plucked the ball out of the net and ran it to the center circle. Half an hour to go, and game on!

The Wings nearly equilized on 63 minutes when Dylandy's hard shot at goal took a deflection and ended up wide of the post by inches. But it was to be their last real chance until near the end, as Lovisa made a defensive substitution to keep the game under control. DuPont swapped Morimoto for Furuya in the 75th to add more attacking options, but the Lovisa defense continued to frustrate the Black Wings.

A 77th minute counterattack almost saw Lovisa cushion their lead, with a brilliant through ball springing a run at Barclay that he was ill-prepared to defend. But the final ball couldn't equal the quality of the run, as it sailed over the box to a relieved van der Horst, who cleared. The Wings' final chance of the game came on an 86th minute free kick from 35 yards out, which Whittaker curled into the box only to have it bounce high off of several heads and out of play.

World Cup 42 Factbook: A look at the Wings' next qualifying match, brought to you by Tap Water! A refreshing truth in advertising!

Opponent: Bye
Rank: NR
History: Whenever we're in an odd-sized pool

This "Bye" team, or whatever they're called... they've got to be pretty hardcore. GOT to be. I mean, they've got the balls to play someone from every qualifying group at once? EVERY DAY?! What's weird is that they never appear in the standings. I guess they're like Notre Dame in that they're independent, but unlike Notre Dame in that they seek out good opposition; even Milchama will play the Bye.

Wait, this just in, I'm an idiot.
Prediction: No game.

QBC WORLD CUP 42 COVERAGE

"Hello all, I'm Beck Davidham, and you've just watched Qazox' 4-1 win over Rennidan to open qualifying. Let's take a quick look at the highlights:

Minute 17:
"Jaus has it now, after the pass from Cruz-Preli, Jaus sends it over to Tarricone, back for Valladores, from 10 yards away and GOOOOOOOALLL! Renna Valladores makes it 1-0 Qazox here early in the match. Valladores just slipped it into the upper right portion just out of Jo Malkoa's reach.

"Even with a 1-0 lead, Qazox continued to press the young Rennidan defenders and in the 26th minute...

Minute 26:
And Maria Lupe Reyes sets up for the corner kick here. Reyes is amongst the best in the world at corners and she sends it deep for Kalie Jaus and GOOOOOOALLL! Kallie Jaus is now just 1 goal away from tying Yancy Fry's national team record of 29 goals.

"With Jaus' goal Qazox had a 2-0 lead, and Greenley began to pull back a bit on offense, and that lead to Rennidan's lone goal...

Minute 42:
Sammi MacOlv sends it forward to Nicholi Drentum, Drentum shoots, saved by Goolden, but Stasinos whiffs on the clear, and Rennidan scores to make it 2-1. Mo Siv took the wiffed clear and with Stasnois unintentionally providing a cover, slipped it home and the lead is cut in half.


"With a 2-1 lead at halftime, and the poor decision by Greenley to start pulling back a bit seemed to shift momentum. So in a rather stunning move, Greenley replaced both Anderson Tarricone and Stevie Spingler for Charles Marquis and Raul de Olivares, changing the formation from a 4-1-2-3 to a 4-1-1-4. And it paid dividends early in the 2nd half...

Minute 49:
Just a few minutes into the 2nd half here, and the decision to throw in Marquis and de Olivares has clearly shifted momentum back to the Pheonix, as Marquis is now lined up for the direct kick at 20 yards out. Marquis sends it in, blocked high by Malkoa, but it is still up in the air, and GOOOOOOALLLL!!!! Raul de Olivares makes it 3-1 with a brillant header off of Malkoa's deflection, and the momentum is back on Qazox' side.


"Late in the game, leading 3-1, Qazox sent one last press forward and came away with another goal...

Minute 87:
Not much time left here for Rennidan, and Qazox has the ball now, Cruz-Preli send it forward to Kallie Jaus, back for Valladores, over to de Olivares who sends it forward to Jaus. Jaus is alone and GOOOOOOALLL! Kallie Jaus is now tied for the most goals in Qazox history with her 2nd goal today and the 29th of her carrer! It's only fitting that a day after Yancy Fry was inducted into the World Cup Hall of Fame, Kallie Jaus has juat about clinched her spot in that august body.


"Well that does it for the opening match. Join us in 2 days from Kelssek for the 2nd qualifier. That's all for now so Qazox, have a good night.

QAZOX Goals:
Jaus: 2
Valladores: 1
de Olivares: 1

Hamburger Hill Herald

Appearently having Zombies on your team does help. The Arroza team came out frightened and played that way the entire match. Even though the WC Zombies could hardly move faster than mollasses in January, their frightening visages just were too much for the visitors. Though the team was yellow carded a record 7 times for gnawing on opponents, as of yet no major injuries for the team, other than Diego Maradona's right arm fallign off, which is good news, as there would be a less of a chance of anothe "Hand of God goal". Goals today were scored by Zombie Pelé in the 34th minute and 67th and by Zombie Ronaldo in the 56th. Up next is a trip to Land de Wood, a country whom we were first introduced to at the Qazoxian Sports Festival earlier this year.

Schedule:
vs. Arroza WIN 3-0 (1-0-0 record)
@ Land de Wood
vs. Greal
@ Bazalonia
vs. Nuevos Aires
@ Bostopia
BYE
@ Arroza
vs. Land de Wood
@ Greal
vs. Bazalonia
@ Nuevos Aires
vs. Bostopia
BYE

Prux' Goals:
Zombie Pelé: 2
Zombie Ronaldo: 1

Jeruselem Government News

Jay Licken brace sinks the Monks at home!

The Holy Monks from The Archregimancy turned up to Jeruselem to take on the "Unholy Whores" aka the Princesses. As expected both teams went out hard and things got a bit spitefull at times. A team of celibrate monks playing a team with dominated by less-than-perfect morals women was never going to be a pretty game by any means.

Jenny Sloan tried hard to break the Monks but they used numbers to stop her getting any space to get a shot in. Coss Cohen was never really in the game, having an off-day overall.

Kate Sallad proved a bit of headache with a few direct attacks almost paying off but was stopped by a solid defense. Sally Kool put the ball in the back of the net but was called off-side to disgust of the Jewish midfielder.

Jacinta Sallad and Sadie Dallas worked hard despite their size disadvantage to the Monks, and proved doggedly hard to break down. They chased the Monks about giving them little time to make any decisive moves to threaten Jane Darian's goal. Captain Jane Darian was solid in goal. She wasn't afraid to mix it with Monks.

Jay Licken came on and scores were locked at 0-0. Jay latched onto a Sally Kool pass and ran past some slow reacting monk defenders. With the keeper to beat, he calmly put home the first goal. The game opened up with Monks pushing forward harder - and both sides started making errors. Jay got on a loose ball and hit a thundering strike securing the game 2-0 to Jeruselem.

Jay said "Hey, I won the game for the team and Kate Sallad gave me her phone number. That's a good day's work! A man can't ask for more than that. Well he could but I'll just leave that right there."

In the other Group 1 games, Ixania got iced by Icy Cold Death Touch 3-0 and Magna Sancta Sedes upset the "idolist" Sel Appa in the upset of group. It seems it was Catholic day today. A pink turtle featured in the win by the Saints but we're not quite sure how it affected the Sel Appans. Jeruselem does not have any pink turtles to try the same trick.

Jeru FC had a scappy 1-1 draw with Glaycia but the good news for Jeru FC was Vephrall lost to Starblaydia.

Group 1
Jeruselem 2–0 The Archregimancy
Ixania 0–3 Icy Cold Death Touch
Magna Sancta Sedes 2–0 Sel Appa

Group 12
Glaycia 1–1 Jeru FC

Green Wombat Daily Tattler

While not the best of efforts, the wombats still won, defeating the newcomers of Ron Paulovia. The wombats lead by 2 goals at the half, both coming off of the foot of Pauline Utley, her 1st two goals of her carrer, and despite the 2-2 tie with just 5 minutes left, Wayne Blessing added the game winner, his first goal.

The true challenge is next, as the wombats travel to Valanora and the #1 team in the world.

SCHEDULE:
MD1: vs. Ron Paulovia WIN 3-2
MD2: @ Valanora
MD3: vs. Demot
MD4: @ West Zirconia
MD5: BYE
MD6: vs. Central Prestonia
MD7: @ Blouman Empire
BYE DATE
MD8: @ Ron Paulovia
MD9: vs. Valanora
MD10: @ Demot
MD11: vs. West Zirconia
MD12: BYE
MD13: @ Central Prestonia
MD14: vs. Blouman Empire

GOALS:
Utley: 2
Blessing: 1

THE ROCKET REPORT

STARTING OFF RIGHT

Tundra Falls, Newmanistan- For one game, the Rockets made their fans believers. Sure, there is plenty of football left to be played, including a very important match coming up immediately in Sorthern Northland. But for now, we’ll savor this victory, a 2-1 win over the 27th ranked team in the world, Jasi-yun. It was enjoyable, and something that you can definitely build off of. So now, we’ll see if they can. There’s plenty more out there, including the danger games, the ones against lesser ranked teams as they always seem to be nagging. And by the way, did you catch that other group six score? Kansiov, perhaps on the their last legs of existence, made certain that if they are going to “cease” they were going to have one last glorious moment, as they shocked Az-Cz, 1-0.

From the start of the game, the Rockets looked to be on top form. The friendly loss to Dancougar may have been the wake up call we needed. Jasi-yun, who is part of the Unified Capitalizt States, is likely tired of being SLANI’s less accomplished little brother, though a team looking to make a name for itself. Newmanistan was ready, and then some. Early, as you may expect, the two sides felt each other out a little bit, with mostly midfield play and conservative passing. It took eleven minutes for the first shot to be registered, but it was simply an average opportunity for the visitors, and a shot that sailed several feet high and wide. Jeremy Brooker forced the attacker to shoot early, it appeared. A few minutes later, the visitors had another decent but this time a hard tackle by Brent Treichler on the Jasi-yun striker in the box kept anything from really developing. Several Jasi-yun players were not too pleased with the referee saying “play on” either, but the replays did show it to be a clean play. Meeting these opportunities with great defense generated confidence, and once the Rockets had that in the back end, Newmanistan began to press the tempo of play. Around the half hour mark, they were the team getting the best chances and in the 35th minute the Tundra Falls faithful would come to their feet. Brett Prescott had a nice interception at midfield, and got the ball clean Shawn Drummond, who charged up the middle of the pitch before making a sweet move to get by a defender. He noticed he had McAllister on the left wing and fed him with a pass that was as they say in hockey, “tape to tape” J-Mac was onside, and with the keeper hugging the near post, he blasted it right inside the far post, a shot that at the angle he was at, has to be perfect, and here it was. 1-nil Rockets. Drummond had another good chance in stoppage time that had the keeper beat, but his shot was just a bit wide. Still, at halftime Newmanistan was out in front.

At the break, the crowd was going nuts. They felt it, but in the locker room the guys knew that Jasi-yun didn’t get their 27th ranking because they are lucky or SLANI’s little sibling, but because they are a quality side, and that they should be expected to come out much better in the second half. They kept their composure as Brian Carson and Eric Andrews went over the game strategy for the final 45 minutes plus stoppage time. No one in the locker room felt the game was won.

Jasi-yun, as expected, came out pressing the issue, but they were a little sloppy at it to start off, with three offsides calls against them (two of them not even close), in the first 10 minutes. Plus, one of their top midfielders was handed a yellow card due to a careless tackle on Alex Parnett. Parnett was on the ground for about a minute holding his hamstring, but after jogging on it, it was just a stinger and he remained in the game. In the 59th minute, Jasi-yun would equalize, coming off a corner kick. The goal silenced the crowd quite a bit. Briefly, it looked like Jasi-yun was content to play for the draw. Surely, that would be safe for them, and after all the energy it took just to get the equalizer, they would have been happy with this. Sensing that though, were the Rockets, and by the time the 70th minute rolled around, the crowd was at its loudest, and Newmanistan was creating opportunities. There were a few errant passes, and a couple close shots that went wide that seemed discouraging, but it also made you feel that the goal was inevitable. Jasi-yun turned up the defensive urgency but they really seemed to be on their heals. In the 76th minute, Carson called upon his young sub, Brett Carlson, the Di Bradini Cup 6 hero to replace Chris Peterson. Four minutes later in the 80th, Carlson made it count, getting by a couple of tiring defenders easily before taking a shot. GOAL!!!! Inside the right post, close to the exact spot McAllister put one in earlier. Newmanistan was back in front, 2-1. The defense did what they needed to do to close the game out, and earn a key win for the Rockets. For the first time, Newmanistan wins the first game of qualifying!

Here is some post game reaction:

Carson: “I’m very proud of the way we played today. It’s very important to get off on the right foot, and to be 1-0-0 at the start is big, but there’s also a ton of work left for us to do. We showed tonight that we are capable of doing great things, but it must be sustained.”

Hennis: “My defenders did a great job in front of me. A lot of their shots were wide, or I had a good look when it came off their foot to be positioned well. It gives me a lot of confidence to know that we can shut down a top team like Jasi-yun like this.”

Brooker: “When we made a few plays early in the back, our confidence just soared. We played great as a unit, and I am really excited about the opportunity to represent Newmanistan in Cafundeu, and to show the guys what life in Dunboor is like. Though I’d be just as fine with going to Septentrionia, some of my friends from the hockey team told me how nice it was there too.”

Parnett: “There’s a nice sense of confidence on this team. Something that we hope can carry us through games like this.”

McAllister: “We knew that Jasi-yun was going to be a tough game, but we really felt prepared for them. We had a good gameplan, and our execution was outstanding. It’s just one game, but the standings will look nice in the morning!”

Golden-Whites didn't just lose, they got slaughtered ...
It's like pairing up one of our Nakíl 1A2 tanks with a foreign Leopard 2...

Well, not many people saw the horrendous disaster that occurred during the Tynelia-Macabees game - part of a tournament where dozens of teams are attempting to qualify for the finals of the 42nd World Cup. Well, we didn't do much qualifying today! Five goals. No more. No less. Five goals sealed today's games as one of the worst losses in the history of our football team. Then again, to be fair, Tynelia is ranked 12th in the world, while the Golden-Whites are ranked a mere 79th (which is not the worst in the group, by the way [unlike last time]). It doesn't matter. The team, which was supposed to make up for their less-than-great debut four years ago, preformed ever worse. Maybe next time? The "experts" claim that our team will slowly take on experience and our rank will slowly go up, despite our losses, but it's hard to believe when you're losing that badly. Well, maybe it's not that bad. Montgisard lost 8 to 0 against the Holy Empire, which is three worse than us - they're in our group too, so I guess we're not dead last (and Montgisard is currently unranked). And, elsewhere, Kosovoe was also defeated 0-5 by Candelaria and Marquez. So, those were the three worst games of this match day, and we formed part of one!

Tomorrow, we play Northern Bettia. We're going from losing really, really badly to the 12th team in the world, to losing really badly to the 25th team in the world (probably - they say anything is possible in football). But, with the shattered morale of our boys (after today), it's best if we tell our fans to not hope for too much (maybe just hope for remaining second to last). To give some "good news", in two days we play Wijaska Island who is ranked behind us and so that means we're better than them (right?). We might win that one! To be honest, we'll be lucky if we end up third to last in the group, and it would be a bloody miracle if we planted ourselves fourth in the group (we think that this is our best position in the history of our national team in the World Cup, although we might have been third).

In any case, if you want a recount of the match, read some Northern Bettian newspaper - it's probably being reprinted to death over there. Hell, that's what the internet is for. We're too busy not caring about our team's piss poor performance. However, Mika d'Angíel did have something to say (his usual overly optimistic comments, again):

I think it's important to remain realistic, but at the same time not put away hope. We will do the best we can do. It's not our goal to get into the finals of this year's world cup, but it is our goal to rise in rank as much as possible - rank is experience, and it will require experience to get to the final of any world cup.

Good job, kid. Good luck. We'll be here not worrying about it, watching you pour sweat in the field to end the game losing by five goals. You're a real champ. In any case, to everyone else, come read our article on tomorrow's game - it might be more interesting than this one (maybe we'll even score!).

- Joan Germaine

[Note: The author of this article, Joan Germaine, was later fired for writing such a hostile piece towards our team. Given the leeway we have given him for this section he was able to publish and print the article. We apologize for our leaders. Tomorrow, a new author will continue to track the world cup.]

News Article: Rockport Illuminator - Sports Lead

Men’s National Team Quarantined


The leaders of Prux in their infinite un-wisdom have released the horror of actual zombies into the world in order to try to qualify for a World Cup. And despite the request by the Department of Sport to place muzzles on the zombies, the leaders of the Pruxian National team did no such thing, leaving the scene to be more reminiscent of World War Z than any form of soccer game. We have formally filed a protest at Cafundeu’s WC headquarters, which has been formally denied, but we refuse to take this loss lying down.

The following players will be inactive for Matchday 3’s game due to being quarantined after being bitten by zombified soccer players: Blake Camp, Lorelei Jefferson, Seamus Donnelly, Greg Chevalier.

Greal's World Cup 42 Match 1

"That was a tough game.
For the first half of the game, it seemed as if both sides would never score. Ross Trent and Michael Istoma each nearly scored, but they both failed. but at the 50th minute of the game, Howard Anderson rushed the Nuevos Aires defenders and scored the only goal of the game. In the end it was 1-0. It wasn't exactly the greatest game that Greal had ever played, but it was a good start in the World Cup.
Their next opponent would be more dangerous, that would be tough. The Greal team captain has been advised to play a cautious, mostly defensive game. He has agreed too. Currently we are getting reports about zombies...

"We will have more information soon and will get back to you.

This is James Riddle live from Sasha stadium."

GOIN’ TO THE NORTHLAND

(Rockets players arrive in the place they have heard so much about).

Customs Agent @ Airport: Wait, you guys can’t leave!

Carson: What seems to be the problem?

Customs Agent @ Airport: Your passports are invalid, you must stay here.

Carson: There should be no problem with them.....

Customs Agent @ Airport: Nah I’m just messin’ with you guys. Mr. Waywide requested me do that when you all got here. Good luck to you all, but too much.

Carson: Haha, well thank you.

Customs Agent: He also said to look our for flying footballs before you leave the terminal. (Right on cue, a football flies in their direction).

Man: Sorry! I was paid 10.93 SN Rubles to do that!

Brooker: Oh boy, this is going to be a fun trip.

McAllister: There’s a note of some sort on the ball, what’s it say?

Carson: Redeem this voucher for 23 complimentary single serving bags of pistachios.

Brooker: Well, why not, I’m hungry.

Prescott: Nah man, don’t, it might be some kind of a trick or something.

Drummond: Yeah, you never know where they’ve been, though I’ve heard they have some good alcoholic beverages here. I’ll have to check some of that stuff out after the match that you don’t get back in Newmanistan.

Carson: Yes, after the match, though. Well anyway, our hotel shuttle is here, let’s go.

McAllister: Dare I ask what kind of pranks are going to be pulled on us at the hotel.

(At the hotel....)

Clerk: Sorry guys, but we do not have the rooms you reserved.

Carson: Oh boy, here we go....

McAllister: Don’t tell me we need another dog....

Clerk: No, because a man requested that you all be upgraded into our most finest suites with exclusive VIP treatment. Because he wants you to have a true Sorthern Northland experience while you are here. And no mister, we don’t accept pets.

Carson: Well that is a very generous gesture by whoever made it, but what is the catch?

Clerk: There is none. He is a wealthy man, who wishes to remain anonymous.

Brooker: The rooms aren’t like, bugged, or something?

Clerk: No, that would be a very un-Sorthern like invasion of privacy. Everyone knows we don’t do stuff like that here. This one of the nicest nations to visit in all of Atlantian Oceania. Did you not see the latest WA reports?

Carson: We’ll take the suites.

(Carson walks away and they gather out by the bus as he hands out keys)

Carson: ..... and remember. Before you say or do anything, fully inspect your rooms for cameras, tape recorders or other recording devices, just to be safe.

(Players head to their rooms....)

Carson: So there it is.... the in-room bar. Look at all this stuff. They want to get us so drunk that we play like crap.

Andrews (assistant): Fully checked my room, no recording devices at all. But man, look at all the alcohol.

Carson: Do you think our players will know better?

Andrews: Most of them, yes. Some, no. How about we go get another suite just to store all the alcohol in from all of the player rooms. This is obviously what they wanted to do.

Carson: Good idea, and you know what, let’s play it to our advantage.

Andrews: How so?

Carson: We win, we consume a lot of it. We draw, everyone gets one drink. We lose, we get nothing.

Andrews: Sounds like a plan!

Jeruselem Government News

Jeruselem attracting Jewish football talent from Ariddia

With the popular Flak Sho attracting attention for the world media as well a girls all the world, Jewish football players in Ariddia have been trying their luck in Jeruselem after Ariddia pulled out the World Cup. Kylie Sho, one of Flak's cousins has made the grade and joined him in the Jeruselem's World Cup team. The high profile of Flak Sho is mainly due to his bikey half-Jewish wife Princess Jacinta Sasha Dallas.

Let's not forget the other Ariddians - the ones with surname starting with D ... having their representation although the current crop of Dallases aren't as Ariddian as their parents.

Young Jews, finding they can't represent Ariddia in the World Cup have been packing their bags and moving to the spirtual homeland. Bunking down with relatives, they are attempting to break into the Jeruselem football system and even have a shot at getting into the national team. Most don't make but a few with talent like Kylie Sho have made it.

While Kylie Sho is yet play any minutes, Flak Sho has been working in midfield with spotlight on the bikey Kate Sallad and glam Sally Kool (also Jewish). It doesn't take a genius to work out big money and a longing to return to the Holy land makes moving to Jeruselem an attactive option for Ariddian Jews.

Ariddians make ideal football players with fantastic training they recieved in Ariddia and they are hard working who don't complain a lot. Jane Sanderson of Ariddia who now also lives in Jeruselem, is still coaching here.

The multicultural nature of football system sees locals mix with imports and immigrants as well as Jews, Catholics, Protestants and Palestenians working together. An influx of Eastern Asians makes the mix even spicier.

If one cannot make the Jeruselem team, one can join the army and get into Jeru FC team. The standards for the Jeru FC aren't as high and it's quite easy to get picked. The not-to-bright Sadie Dallas was moved from Jeru FC to the national team but events like this are rare.

Jewbees are moving here to try their luck. A lot of our local World Cup Jewbees aren't totally local - many being half-Qazoxian or half-Milchamian or partially Ariddian with a few Oliverrians/Septentrionians since Jeruselem women aren't known for being fussy about breeding.

Qazox Airport: Terminal 4

The Rennidan Eagles are hustled aboard an airplane back to their homeland.

Moods are low with their recent result of 4-1 to Qazox in the opening qualifier.

R. Malkoa

I find myself repeating the scenario from the Newtown Empirical Airport. I stand in the corner, coffee in hand, miscellaneous sounds flowing from the 24/7 newscast on the television behind me, and I simply watch my friends, my teammates, my worst enemies, my team, as they barge and bust their way through airport security to get onto that flight back home.

They've moaned and groaned and bitched all the way from Rennidan, and it's only now that I begin to realize that I'm sick of it. The fact that we just got demolished in our opening match has heaped a whole lot of shit on me, and right now, as I stand with an empty, crumpled Qazox coffee cup in my hand, the last thing I really want to hear is a bunch of stuck up divas pretending to be footballers bitching about how it's not their fault everyone else sucks and that the burden of loss doesn't fall on them.

And it's now that I make my decision.

Fuck getting on that flight.

I wanna' go see some more of Qazox.


_________


S. Fortal


Uuuhg, I feel like shit. I can't believe, I just can't believe how badly we just got thrashed. Arrh. This sucks. We lost and now I can't even get my luggage down the hotel stair-- Oh shit.

I swear to God I was just at the top of those stairs.

Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit.

I think that's my ankle.

I think... yeah.

Yeah, I can see my ankle.



Well damn.

Time to ring for the ambulance...


_________

D. Samman


And there goes my lunch.

I've been on my knees in this dirtier-than-my-mother bathroom for a good 45 minutes now. My pal, my buddy, Daniel Malakolo is blasting at the door about how I'm gonna' miss our flight. I shout to him, I just yell on out, that I don't care. So he tells me that he'll stay with me then.

The guy's a class act.

But I can't let him stay with me in Qazox. I know his mother's ill back home, and I know he's dying to see her. In between spewing, I tell him not to worry, that I'm a big boy that can look after myself and that he should go get on that flight.

I can feel him frown from the other side of the door.

With obvious unease at leaving his best pal in such a predicament in a strange country, he agrees and tells me he'll catch me back home for a beer.

Good man I think, as I turn back to the toilet to lose my breakfast as well.



_________

H. Belon


Nnnmm... Beepity beepity beepity. Fuggin' alarms.

Annnd that's a baad sign.

There's someone next to me.

In my bed.

Annnd...

Okay.

Good, it's a girl.

Not a repeat of the Newmanistan incident then.

Urh, wassher' name then?

Wait.

Wait.


My alarm...


Shit.

I'm late for the plane.

Goodbye manners.

Hello me in a mad fuckin' rush.



_________


Flight 109, 3PM, over the Rennidan Planes, Rennida.


Below, civil unrest between Viltek nomads and Rennidanian authorities.


Above, general unrest between Rennidan midfield and cabin crew.


"Naw, naw, naw, naw. Y' don' unnerstan', 'ight? Lissennme, lissen't'me." The drunken drawl of Robert Golos was yet another sign that, since his less-than-brilliant performance in the last Cup of Harmony, the midfielder should really be set out to retirement. Currently, he's arguing that he's sober enough to be given an eight shot of vodka. He's doing all this with his trousers around his ankles and both hands firmly planted on the poor young stewardess' chest.

The paparazzi from the economy section are squeezing past the steroid monkey security guards, their cameras creating a blinding buzz of flashes, which just causes the midfielder to get increasingly, well, bothersome.

He explodes, knocking the stewardess to the floor and goes at the nearest member of the lovely camera crew.

There's another flash, but the cameras had stopped moments prior.

Something comes through the window.

And suddenly, Golos really does expl---"Oi, OI, TURN THA' TEEVEE UP, eh?""Whassat Dan yelled out?-""'Eee said, I said 'ee said, ee said somethin' about the TV up.""Tele's fine, 'snot up the spout.""Naw, naw, he said, he said"Reports suggest that...""He said TURN IT UP""Wha', the volume?"... surface to air, causing the..."Aye, aye, the volume. Up it, I wanna' 'ear thi--"...carrying the Rennidanian football team has been shot down by Viltek nomads angry over the recent refusal of acknowledgement over land rights by the Rennidanian gover--

"My God..."


_________

http://i280.photobucket.com/albums/kk176/rennidan/news.png


"Viewers, if you are just tuning in we regret to inform you that Rennidan International Air flight 109 from Qazox has been confirmed as being downed by Viltek due to the recent skirmishes between Viltek nomads and Rennidanian authorities. We have also just had confirmation that the flight was carrying the Rennidan Eagles football team home from their recent opening game in Qazox.

So far, no survivors have been found and the death toll could stand as high as one hundred and eighty.

We will have more in this as authorities release more information.

Again, for those of you that may have missed it--"


The funny thing is, I never did leave the Qazox airport. I had a small argument with Allison about me not getting on the plane, but when she left, I couldn't leave the waiting room. I watched the plane take off, and then... Then I spent the next six or so hours just sitting, watching, listening.

I had a sandwich.

Then that, that comes up on that television behind me.

And my world, that's its cue to tumble down.

Instead, I think I actively choose not to hear the news of my girlfriend and friends untimely demise.

Instead, I complain that the bread is stale.

The radio was blaring with some form of reja music, which the director of the KaMaRian soccer association found rather fitting. Reja is all about hopes and dreams and it is as artificial as plastic flowers and as true as the Na~ovi National. The office of coach Inik Y looked chaotic. Many Videodiscs, papers, maps, statistics and, well, stuff, were piled up. A video of a match was running on a small TV set, which appeared to be black and white. the sound was switched off. Inik was busy taking notes and did not hear Syku Lyku entering.

SL: Hejida!

Inik Y turned around in shock, took a bit too long to recognize him and then smiled.

IY: Hejida!

SL: I did not know that you have a black and white TV set. You know that you do not need to be too housewifely with the asenical money if it helps you.

IY: Oh, I guess now is a good time to tell you that I am colorblind!

He smiles nervously.

SL: Ah okay! I wanted to ask how well we're prepared!

IY: I don't know about the Asene. I ... am within schedule. The math against Cauci was I think a good display of our capabilities.

SL: Spare me the jargon.

IY: Okay, it was rather good , in my opinion better than expected with the amount of foreigners in the team.

SL: What do you mean?

IY: Kurumaleha-foreigners, like Hana Eti.

SL: Oh, I was thinking that you were a pan-rejistanist.

IY: Me? I am apathetic towards that matter. I would however love to see one league again so the players have a bit more experience with each other.

SL: Yeah... you can't have everything...

IY: ...where would you put it?

Syku Lyku smiles.

IY: well, The issue is that many of the small leagues mean players are not used to playing against teams which are really great! It is not exactly a question of skill. Many players even from the smaller leagues are skilled it is a question of experience. We saw that against Cauci several times. Think of that disgraceful scene in the 21st minute!

SL: Yeah, we were lucky that goalie Ashurea'he was that mentally present.

IY: Scenes like this show that certain players were really inexperienced. Taku'he, Eti'he, Kahitil'he, Asikin'he, even Ijasi'he occasionally.

SL: I would disagree about Kahitil'he. The 2:0 was good work for the midfielder.

IY: Surely, it was. But I doubt, that against Jeru FC, he will be able to play on the same level of skill.

SL: Laain!

IY: that is the strangest form of lanja (=maybe), I ever heard.

SL: Sorry, it's Minokajeti. Anyways, is there any help you need for the next match?

IY: Well, yes... Are you Excelite?

SL: Yes, why?

IY: Pray to the Random Number God then, please!

SL: I planned to!


Caucus - Rejistania: 0'ja3 () - (Jasvea Hatari 15, Jasni Asikin 46, Hilat Takil 75)

World Cup Qualification - Group 1
MD1: vs Sel Appa (2-0)
MD2: @ Icy Cold Death Touch
MD3: vs Kiryu-shi
MD4: @ Ixania
MD5: -bye-
MD6: vs Jeruselem
MD7: @ The Archregimancy
MQ: TBD
MD8: @ Sel Appa
MD9: vs Icy Cold Death Touch
MD10: @ Kiryu-shi
MD11: vs Ixania
MD12: -bye-
MD13: @ Jeruselem
MD14: vs The Archregimancy
PQ: vs The Holy Empire (@ TBD)

Oppresso di stupore, a la mia guida
mi volsi, come parvol che ricorre
sempre colà dove più si confida;

e quella, come madre che soccorre
sùbito al figlio palido e anelo
con la sua voce, che 'l suol ben disporre,

mi disse: «Non sai tu che tu se' in cielo?»


Father Thomas de Turrecremata turned to his notes of personal correspondence, reflecting on his successful implements of spiritual torture. He added one more to his diary: "Yesterday, the Most Holy Representative Football Team of Magna Sancta Sedes confronted the powerful Sel Appa Football Team, and through faith vanquished the foe. I had concocted the perfect torture for them, revealing to them a turtle that was devoid of its natural color but instead shown pure pink. It so disgusted the Sel Appan players that they were left in spiritual doubt, that their idols could be subject to inhumanity. They lost confidence, whereas our Saintly Fathers were left with the glory of Christ and took the field in full storm. They put 2 goals behind the Sel Appan turtle-idolators and took all three points, by the grace of God."

He paused for a moment, as he reflected on the next match. It would be a trip to Icy Cold Death Touch - a name that brought to all the image of Satan munching on the three corpses while in Hell's icy abode. Indeed, a trip there was more or less the equivalent of going to Hell. Imagine that - the MHRFT tells its followers: "We're going to Hell!" Catholicism would not be so powerful if the MHRFT went to Icy Cold Death Touch and lost there. Even more so if on the return trip, the same devils won in MSS. Father Thomas would need a powerful torture to right the wrongs of these devils. And perhaps it would be easier than it would seem...

He continued to write: "I think melting some ice cream should do the trick."

Before he could continue writing even more, a monk entered his quarters. "Father, we have just received word that the Most Holy Representative Football Team will not be allowed to carrying any sort of heating implement. Heaters, blow-dry fans, roasters, lighters, matches, and those neat pouches of iron and magnesium salts that spontaneously combust in the presence of water, none of that is allowed."

Father Thomas gazed at the walls for a little while. Without heat, he would not be able to melt ice cream in the icy abode of Icy Cold Death Touch. how then would he complete his torture?

"The airplane is alright to use?"

"Of course, he have to get there. And they'd prefer the airplane, because a boat is a bigger source of heat."

"Then I have the perfect solution. Friar, we're going shopping for chalk."

The monk looked at him with a perplexed glare. He had to ask. "Chalk, Father?"

"Yes, chalk."

World Cup Qualification - Group 5
MD1: vs Gerainia (3-1) (@ Gwangdong Imperial Sports Complex and Stadium, Gwangju)
MD2: @ Ad'ihan
MD3: vs Universitus University (@ King Kim Iljei Memorial Football Stadium, Malnira)
MD4: @ kenavt (@ Granderson Stadium)
MD5: vs Lingdinis Insania (@ Sanhaemun Football Stadium, Jinhwangdo)
M6: @ Kura-Pelland
MD7: -bye-
MQ: vs Taeshan (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD8: @ Gerainia
MD9: vs Ad'ihan (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD10: @ Universitus University
MD11: vs kenavt (@ Goguryeo Football Stadium, Hanseong)
MD12: @ Lingdinis Insania
MD13: vs Kura-Pelland (@ Cha Beomgeun Memorial Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD14: -bye-
PQ: TBD


MBC Presents...
I Love My Wife!
아내를 사랑해요

Episode 2

Jang Manchun
Oh Yeongsuk
Jang Hanseok
Jang Nayeong
Jang Taemin
Choi Dongil

*cue intro music*


Oh Yeongsuk: Who on earth are you?

Choi Dongil: I'm Dongil. I'm guessing that Nayeong hasn't talked to you about me yet?

Jang Nayeong: *enters the room, still talking on phone* Oh, shit! Hot and hunky just appeared! Talk to you later!

Oh Yeongsuk: Hot and hunky?

Choi Dongil: *blushes* Maybe this was a bad time to come?

Jang Nayeong: Oh, not at all. Don't mind my parents. Come on in! *rushes Choi inside*

Jang Manchun: *clears throat* Nayeong, aren't you going to introduce us to your guest?

Jang Nayeong: Oh, hey mom and dad! This is Choi Dongil. He's a friend. I've invited him over. Dongil, these are my parents. *claps* Let's go.

Jang Manchun: *clears throat* Whose house is this?

Jang Nayeong: *sighs* It's your house.

Oh Yeongsuk: You mean this is my house. I'm the one charge of everything here. All this man does is just make the money and bring it home!

Jang Manchun: *whispers to Oh* Not right now honey...

Oh Yeongsuk: Oh, you right now! *slaps Jang Manchun* This is my house!

Jang Manchun: *brushes Oh Yeongsuk's slaps* Okay, so it's her house. Not yours, Nayeong. What do you have to say?

Jang Nayeong: Mom, can Dongil stay over?

Oh Yeongsuk: *screams* No!

Jang Nayeong: *not surprised* You see, this is why we call her the witch of the kitchen and the dining table. Not very friendly.

Oh Yeongsuk: Not very friendly? I'll show you friendly!

Jang Manchun: *tries to calm Oh* Honey, let's not get too hasty. Let me talk to Nayeong.

Oh Yeongsuk: She's my daughter!

Jang Manchun: She's also 16... *talks to Nayeong* Who is Choi Dongil?

Jang Nayeong: Just a guy from school. *smiling* Can he stay over?

Jang Manchun: Is this the same Choi Dongil who helps you on your algebra?

Jang Nayeong: Him? He can't tell a number from a character. He's dumb when it comes to math.

Choi Dongil: *clears throat, blushing even more* I am not very math, sir. I'm sorry to have caused all of this trouble. If you don't want me to stay around, I can go. I'm sorry to have caused all of this mess.

Oh Yeongsuk: It's not you, it's Nayeong! She's always looking to kill me! Giving me a heartache with all of this stress...

Jang Manchun: Yeongsuk... let me take care of this.

Oh Yeongsuk: That's it! You're sleeping on the couch tonight! *rushes to bedroom and slams the door shut*

Jang Manchun: Not the first time...

Choi Dongil: I'm sorry to have caused this mess again. I'll leave.

Jang Manchun: I'm just protecting my daughter. She *points at the bedroom door* probably wants to stress over everything... *sighs* Well, why did she invite you?

Choi Dongil: She said it was a surprise. I thought it was some new music video or something like that.

Jang Manchun: What is this surprise?

Jang Nayeong: *sighs* It's nothing big really. I was just wanting to show off my collection.

Jang Manchun: Of what?

Jang Nayeong: Stuff...

Jang Hanseok: She's probably got a bunch of sex toys.

Jang Nayeong: *surprised* I don't have sex toys! *slaps Hanseok*

Choi Dongil: It's alright, Nayeong. I'm not really interested anymore. I'll see you in class tomorrow.

Jang Nayeong: *sighs* Okay. I'll see you then.

Choi Dongil: Sorry for the trouble again. *leaves*

Jang Nayeong: *smacks Hanseok* You pervert! I was going to give him something, and you had to ruin it!

Jang Manchun: Well, now that Dongil is gone, mind explaining to us what this surprise is all about?

Jang Nayeong: Dongil is a bike fanatic...

Jang Hanseok: You got him the calendar edition of the Jeruselem football team?

Jang Nayeong: *smacks Hanseok* Shut up! Dongil isn't a pervert like you. He likes to ride bikes. Mountain bikes, trail bikes, sports bikes...

Jang Hanseok: Jeru bikes! *runs away*

Jang Manchun: Don't mind him. He's in college, but he still acts like a kid sometimes.

Jang Nayeong: Anyway, I got him a coupon for a new bike from this store. One of my friends gave it to me, because she knew that I ... really liked him and thought it would be a good gift. She told me that if gave it to him, it would help the store.

Jang Manchun: How so?

Jang Nayeong: He's a bike fanatic. Once he buys one thing, he can't stop until he has it all. He's one of those buff guys that rides around in the morning, rides for a living, rides at night. If the Han had a bike team, he'd volunteer for it. I just thought he would like to have a really nice bike.

Jang Manchun: That's very nice, but that's not a very good reason to be so secretive. You should be more open about these things, especially to your family. We're the first ones closest to your heart. Even if your mom sometimes acts like she's got something stuck up her rear end. But you should learn to trust us with these things. Keeping too many secrets will keep you locked in your room, even when you want to get out.

Jang Nayeong: Yes, father.

Jang Manchun: Next time you want to invite someone also, ask us. Your mom would be a lot more supportive of having someone over if she knows that someone is coming.

Jang Nayeong: But she's always challenging my friends. It's as if she's hovering over them waiting for them to make a mistake. She's so critical of them.

Jang Manchun: She's critical of you. She loves you, and she thinks that you having bad friends is a sign that you're bad yourself.

Jang Nayeong: But I like my friends. That's why I don't like inviting them over.

Jang Manchun: So why did you invite Dongil?

Jang Nayeong: Well... because I thought it could be alright to show him...

Jang Manchun: Then ask us next time. Invite him for dinner sometime.

Jang Nayeong: You mean like that? *points at the dining table, the living room, and the bedroom*

Jang Manchun: *pats Nayeong* Hopefully not.

Jang Taemin: *cries*

Jang Manchun: Oh, there goes the baby again.

Oh Yeongsuk: *rushes out* I'll take care of him. *rushes into bedroom, locking the door*

Jang Manchun: Well, she's being adamant today...

Jang Nayeong: I'll try next time.

Jang Hanseok: *comes out with a thong* Look what I found in Nayeong's drawer!

Jang Nayeong: You freak! *chases Hanseok*

Jang Manchun: *sighs* Kids.


*END EPISODE 2*

The Albrecht Herald Online>Sports>Football>World Cup
C&M in ‘still quite good’ shock
By Mack Hession

Ninety minutes later and, despite injuries, a baying crowd numbering almost four hundred thousand, a brief infestation of moles, and all the inevitable pressure heaped on the reigning Cup of Harmony champions to translate their title into a place at the World Cup finals; Kris Healy’s men stormed to an utterly dominating victory and display of sublime football that must send shockwaves throughout global football.

Well… possibly. On the other hand, beating a truly awful Kosovoen outfit by a record-equalling score may simply represent as much a false dawn as a similarly eye-catching five-nil drubbing of the East Antairees (who?) two qualifying campaigns back. Lloyd Donnelly’s Big Blues still contrived to finish third back then, but this new generation are none the less off to a flying start.

Making the familiar trip to the Atlantian Oceania, for the first of three occasions this campaign; the name of ‘Kosovoe’ will have spread little fear among the C&M side – save perhaps for Enrique Silva de Aviz, the Big Blues debutant who was given such a difficult time by the under-21s of his first senior international opponents several years ago.

The Cathedral City man was solid when called upon however; deploying the ball nicely enough to the pair who proved the judges, jurors and executioners of the home side – Matteo Corradini and Connor Mengucci. Sharing out stopping and creative duties between them, they should prove the unsung heroes of a side that, hit upon by accident or otherwise, could be ready to keep up the team’s record of two-off, two-on, when it comes to World Cup qualifications.

Tom Smith, one of three first-time starters on the day and attempting to fill the legendary boots of Ignacio Vélez, opened the scoring within six minutes; the goal coming not through any great one-touch football or midfield brilliance, but Steven Williams’ glorious long ball splitting Tyler Stewart and Thomas Miller straight down the middle. The Arrigo Portuguese striker ploughed on through, not especially quickly nor exhibiting debonair feet, but simply unavoidably, as though the Kosovoe defence sensed the preordination about the opener and simply waved Smith on through to avoid offending the gods or Maggie herself.

The Zwalgfelder Arena, a massive edifice that displayed the country’s Taeshani connections in its every facet, went almost instantly from a genuine cauldron to an oppressive, tetchy fug. Within eleven minutes the visitors were two-nil up, Smith claiming a second that in truth went in off Xavier Hiroshima, and all hopes that Duggie Smith (no relation, I think it’s very fair to say) could continue the bright form his side had previously shown in Zwangzug evaporated.

To their credit, Kosovoe declined to simply collapse, but that only provided greater incentive for a jubilant C&M side to pick them apart. Before the half hour was out, the scoreline was taking on an embarrassing air, Merlin Siriwong’s perfect flick releasing Ciaran Kelly to storm past Eli Walker down the touchline and cross for Dionísio Madeira Lobos. The shiny new Candelariasian set up the unmarked Niv Cohen for the match’s second debut goal.

The second half was delayed for fifteen minutes, after players of both sides had reported the excessive number of burrowing mammals making their presence felt to match referee Kevin Murphy, of Acapais. The fourth goal, Tom Smith’s second of the night, still managed to take a wicked deflection off a particularly large example of the common talpa oceaniae. An engaging discussion as to whether the creature counted as part of the field of play ensued in the commentary box, before the question of the involvement of the dubious moles panel brought everyone back down to earth with a bump and reminded us of the futility of our short existences.

The cylindrical lawn-wreckers were eventually rounded up after another long stoppage, and the Big Blues eased to victory; Jamie Gonazález capping things off in the eighty-second minute. He celebrated accordingly, for though the opposition was meagre this was a genuinely memorable performance.

But a result to send shockwaves throughout global football? Hardly. No, that was left to An Blascaod Mór, the tiny island off the Northlandish coast, which followed up the performance of the barely larger San Adriano in beating Zwangzug by a single goal. Believe me, that is a truly momentous result. Terreiro de Ogum also lost by the odd goal, at home to Bettia, ahead of their trip to Arrigo.

Bettia? Forget about it. It’s all about Operation: Zwangzug now, and on this form is it really too much to ask Healy’s men to overhaul the fifth-ranked national team on the planet to clinch an automatic qualifying place?

Yes, probably. But anyone watching the events in Port Kosovoe couldn’t help but feel some stirring in their waters. Our boys are playing perhaps the best football they have in a dozen years and, if nothing weirder than the occasional outbreak of moles happens in this campaign, perhaps we really can start dreaming that we really could be on the verge of returning to the big time.

World Cup Qualification Group Seven Game
@ Zwalgfelder Arena, Port Kosovoe

Kosovoe 0

Candelaria And Marquez 5
Smith 6 and 50
Hiroshima og 11
Cohen 26
González 82

THE REVELATION OF QUALIFICATION
ACCORDING TO FR. JOHN THE GOLDEN-THROATED

IV

[1] And we travelled unto one of the seven teams which contested the two automatic qualification spots, and played against them, and they said unto us, Come hither; I will shew unto thee the judgment of the great whore that sitteth upon many waters:
[2] With whom the kings of the earth have committed fornication, and the inhabitants of the earth have been made drunk with the wine of her fornication.
[3] So I was carried away in the spirit into Jeruselem: and I saw a woman sit upon a scarlet coloured beast, full of names of blasphemy, having seven heads and eleven horns.
[4] And the woman was arrayed in purple and scarlet colour, and decked with gold and precious stones and pearls, having a golden cup in her hand full of abominations and filthiness of her fornication:
[5] And upon her forehead was a name written, MYSTERY, JERUSELEM'S SQUAD, THE MOTHER OF HARLOTS AND ABOMINATIONS OF THE EARTH.
[6] And I saw the woman drunken with the blood of the saints, and with the blood of the martyrs of Jesus: and when I saw her, I wondered with great admiration.
[7] And the angel said unto me, Wherefore didst thou marvel? I will tell thee the mystery of the woman, and of the beast that carrieth her, which hath the seven heads and ten horns.
[8] The beast that thou sawest was, and is not; and shall ascend out of the bottomless pit, and go into perdition: and they that dwell on the earth shall wonder, whose names were not written in the book of life from the foundation of the world, when they behold the beast that was, and is not, and yet is.
[9] And here is the mind which hath wisdom. The seven heads are the seven squads in they group, against whom the woman playeth.
[10] And there are seven coaches: five must fall, and one is in the playoffs, and the other two qualifieth.
[11] And the beast that was, and is not, even he is of the seven, and goeth into perdition, not qualification.
[12] And the eleven horns which thou sawest are the starting eleven of Jeruselem, which have received no kingdom as yet; but receive power to defeat thee for ninety minutes with the beast.
[13] These have one mind, and shall give their power and strength unto the beast.
[14] These shall play against the Archregimancy, and the Archregimancy shall not overcome them: even though they are backed by the Lord of lords, and King of kings: and they that are with him are called, and chosen, and faithful.
[15] And he saith unto me, The stadium which thou sawest, where the whore sitteth, contain peoples, and multitudes, and nations, and tongues.
[16] And the eleven horns which thou sawest upon the beast, these shall love the whore, and shall make her lustful and naked, and shall eat her flesh, and burn her with fire.
[17] For God hath put in their hearts to fulfil his will, and to agree, and give their kingdom unto the beast, until the words of God shall be fulfilled.
[18] And the woman which thou sawest is that great nation of Jeruselem, which winneth over the teams of the group.


V

[1] And after these things I saw another angel come down from heaven, having great power; and the earth was lightened with his glory.
[2] And he cried mightily with a strong voice, saying, Jeruselem the great shall one day fall, and become the habitation of devils, and the hold of every foul spirit, and a cage of every unclean and hateful bird.
[3] For all nations have drunk of the wine of the wrath of her fornication, and the players from other squads have committed fornication with her, and the merchants of the earth are waxed rich through the abundance of her delicacies.
[4] And I heard another voice from heaven, saying, Come out of her, my people, that ye be not partakers of her sins, and that ye receive not of her plagues.
[5] For though she has defeated thee two-nil, her sins have reached unto heaven, and God hath remembered her iniquities.
[6] Reward her even as she rewarded you, and double unto her double according to her works: in the cup which she hath filled fill to her double.
[7] How much she hath glorified herself, and lived deliciously, so much torment and sorrow give her: for she saith in her heart, I sit a queen, and am no widow, and shall see no sorrow.
[8] Therefore shall her plagues come in one day, death, and mourning, and famine; and she shall be utterly burned with fire: for strong is the Lord God who judgeth her.
[9] And the kings of the earth, who have committed fornication and lived deliciously with her, shall bewail her, and lament for her, when they shall see the smoke of her burning,
[10] Standing afar off for the fear of her torment, saying, Alas, alas, that great nation Jeruselem, that mighty team! for in ninety minutes is thy judgment come.
[11] And the fans of her squad shall weep and mourn over her; for no man watcheth her victories any more:
[12] The merchandise of gold, and silver, and precious stones, and of pearls, and fine linen, and purple, and silk, and scarlet, and all thyine wood, and all manner vessels of ivory, and all manner vessels of most precious wood, and of brass, and iron, and marble,
[13] And cinnamon, and odours, and ointments, and frankincense, and wine, and oil, and fine flour, and wheat, and beasts, and sheep, and horses, and chariots, and slaves, and souls of men.
[14] And the fruits that thy soul lusted after are departed from thee, and all things which were dainty and goodly are departed from thee, and thou shalt find them no more at all.
[15] The merchants of these things, which were made rich by her, shall stand afar off for the fear of her torment, weeping and wailing,
[16] And saying, Alas, alas, that great team, that was clothed in fine linen, and purple, and scarlet, and decked with gold, and precious stones, and pearls!
[17] For in one hour so great riches is come to nought. And every shipmaster, and all the company in ships, and sailors, and as many as trade by sea, stood afar off,
[18] And cried when they saw the smoke of her burning, saying, What team is like unto this great team!
[19] And they cast dust on their heads, and cried, weeping and wailing, saying, Alas, alas, that great team, wherein were made rich by their victory over the Archregimancy; for in one hour is she made desolate.
[20] Rejoice over her, thou heaven, and ye holy apostles and prophets; for God hath avenged you on her.
[21] And a mighty angel took up a stone like a great millstone, and cast it into the sea, saying, Thus with violence shall that great nation Jeruselem be thrown down, and shall be found no more at all.
[22] And the voice of harpers, and musicians, and of pipers, and trumpeters, shall be heard no more at all in thee; and no craftsman, of whatsoever craft he be, shall be found any more in thee; and the sound of a millstone shall be heard no more at all in thee;
[23] And the light of a candle shall shine no more at all in thee; and the voice of the bridegroom and of the bride shall be heard no more at all in thee: for thy merchants were the great men of the earth; for by thy sorceries were all nations deceived.
[24] And in her was found the blood of prophets, and of saints, and of all teams that were defeated upon her home ground.

The Bassabook Baritone
Why is an imdilan like a philharmonic?

One step backward, half step down

Is Zwangzug a major nation? In some senses yes. In others, no. When it comes to football, the national team is deservedly fifth in the world. Population-wise, it's a matter of perspective: it's small next to some countries, but unimaginably immense compared with An Blascaod Mór, population: 143.

All 143 of them were present on Beiginis Island, along with more than ten times as many Sorthern Northland fans and some traveling Zwangzug supporters. Few could have known that the hosts would come out on top, as Zwangzug fell to 1-0-2 against two countries with a combined population less than that of Silver Birch Elementary School (having split a series with San Adriano in World Cup 38 qualification).

From the start, An Blascaod Mór came out attacking. An unfamiliar defense found strength in numbers: it was Zwangzug's first game with four defenders, and they all were panting off the field at halftime. Amazingly, it was still a scoreless tie.

When play restarted, the home team was roared on by their compatriots. More energized and united than the visitors, they played with renewed force and took only nine minutes to score the game's only goal. Tomás O'Sullivan received a pass from Dougal McGuire and tapped it to his relative Muris O'Sullivan. Muris shot for goal, and the shot was good.

The fans celebrated with nationalistic pride that would be berated by more hypocritical newsmedia outlets had it been displayed for a larger country. They'll let this slide, unreasonably, but the goal was a beauty. Much more so considering the way the game had been going: it might well prove to be the difference between the two sides. Sure enough, it was: after twenty more minutes, 1-0 was the final. An Blascaod Mór was elated: Zwangzug's team wondering what had happened.

Well, not all of them were wondering. A full transcript of one player's reaction can be found on our website, but excerpts include "No, of course we didn't score a...goal. How are we supposed to score a goal with...two forwards?" and "It's everybody's responsibility, the whole team, but Mcgimpy's lineup was [viewed negatively by this player]."

Elsewhere in Group Seven, Bettia beat Terreiro de Ogum 2-1 and Candelaria And Marquez crushed Kosovoe 5-0. Kosovoe next play Zwangzug. In Zwangzug. Theoretically speaking, they should not be unimaginably difficult to defeat.

Valanora Times
Double You, Double Me?

After an exciting, but fruitless effort in the pre-qualifying friendly, the Marauders got off on the right foot in their opening match against West Zirconia. For their part, the Zirconia side was fresh off a very succesful outing in the Baptism of Fire and looks to be a side that will likely climb the ranks to be an eventual power. The Marauders however are already a world power, and showed the debutants the sword of international footy.

Early pressure provided by Hawk and Soldarian resulted in a corner for the guests, with the fiesty Kries ready to take it. Sending in a beautiful out-swinger, it fell to Espy va Drake at the edge of the box. One touch brought it down and with his next he chipped the keeper with his weak right foot, opening the scoreline for the green and black. The Marauders continued to pour the pressure on the Zirconians with the midfield pushing up high. That would leave Nickel in a bad situation in twenty-fourth as Griffiths and McGowan were off on a break. Using a nifty give and go to bypass the expirenced centerback, they closed in on Tinehtelë with McGowan eventually taking a hard shot to the far post. Tinehtelë was able to make a remarkable save, but Giffiths was there to clean it up and level things just five minutes after the Vanorians opened up the scoring.

It would then be the new captain of Laborious Hawk who would put Valanora ahead again. With Soldarian being fouled twenty-five yards out, and to the right of the center of the park, the ball was in Hawk's favored position. Deliverring one of his powerful free kicks, the shot would reach its destination, the top corner of the near post where Gray had left just enough room for him to squeak it in. Not resting on their single goal lead coming out of the break, Alidare played a wonderful diagonal ball to va Drake to switch the point of attack. The winger then put on a dribbling clinic as he used his fancy feet and agility to get past McGowan, Paterson, and then Faulkner. Gray came out to try and get the strip as the winger came out of his spin, but Espy would continue the spin to avoid the outstreched gloves and then corked a shot into the open net to double the lead and his tally.

Once again the Zirconia heart would be shown on a counter, and Griffiths would add another to slice into the lead. Eventually though, the class and expierence wore the Zirconians down, and by the hour mark, the game was being played almost completely in the Marauders attacking third. With the match seemingly in head, Fresco and Morose would come in for Night and va Drake. The duo would combined in the seventy-third as Morose would send in a low cross that Fresco met at the dot with a powerful strike that Gray had no chance to get to, restoring the two goal lead. A minute later Fresco would get a free header on a corner, but it went bouncing off the crossbar to deny the Petardos S/A man a brace.

The final whistle brought the match to a conclusion, and with three points and an away win in their pocket, the qualifying is off to a good start for the Marauders. For West Zirconia, they need to remember that they are still the new boys on the block and their time will come. The Marauders themselves open their first World Cup Qualifying campaign with a four to two defeat at home, to the then number four side in the World, Audioslavia. Things are promising for the young side, and who knows, they might follow in our footsteps. For now, the Marauders are atop of the table, and looking forward to another successful run into the World Cup Finals.

Valanora 4
Espy va Drake (19, 46)
Laborious Hawk (37)
Anti Fresco (73)

West Zirconia 2
Steve Griffiths (24, 52)

Article by Ron Santapa

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It had been just three days since the woefully long coronation ceromony, and Lady Oromë was already feeling sick and burdened by the title. She was still not sure why she was going along with Tobias' plan, as his explination hardly made any sense to her. The fact remained that she loved him though, and if he believed this to be the right course of action, then she would follow through with it, even if her stomache was having issues with it. Composing herself in what was now her office, she pressed the buzzer that alerted one of the aides.

"Yes Matriarch, is there something you need?"

"In fact there is. I'm feeling a little under the weather and I would like you to see if Dr. Curinan is availble to make a visit today."

"Certainly milady. Might I inquire as to what the symtoms are as to better prepare the good daughter?"

"I've feeling slightly light-headed and nauesous. Have been for the entire week."

"Well if you want my opinion milady, it sounds like you might be pregnant. Oh, I do hope so, the country has been wanting Tobias to produce an heir for some time now, even before the Tides! Oh, right, doctor."

Lady Oromë chuckled at how delighted the aide sounded at the prospect of her having a baby. Yet as she started to think about it, was it possible. It had been sometime since she had had a cycle, but she thought it was due to the stress of helping Tobias restore the country, and with this huge secret she had been forced to keep. Was she ready to become a mother, was Tobias ready to be a father? If she was, what would that mean for this course of action that they have taken.

As numerous thoughts began to run through her head about all the ifs ands and buts, she was suddenly alerted to a faint knock on the door. Once again composing herself, she stood up and moved over to the door. It was the pale and wrinkled face of Dr. Curinan, the family doctor of the Raynors for several centuries.

"Ah, good afternoon doctor, please come in and make yourself comfortable."

Taking the seat accross from Oromë as she closed the door and returned to behind her desk, the elerly elf smiled as she started getting out her equipment.

"The young lady at the desk said that you were feeling light-headed and with a bit of trouble with the stomache are you?"

"Yes doctor, for about the past week."

"I see. Have you been taking in plenty of fluids, keeping yourself hydrated?"

"Yes, six glasses of water a day, and a glass of wine with dinner."

Slipping on her gloves and pulling out her mini flash-light, she began to examine Oromë's eyes, ears, and nose.

"How about the stessors darling? Have you been keeping those to a minimium?"

"Well I've tried, but it's not been easy with all that has been happening around here the last couple of weeks."

"Hrmm, and how about your cycle, when was your last one?"

"Well, it's been almost a month late."

"In that case Matriarch, in my professional opinion, I believe you have something quite common. Morning sickness! You're likely pregnant, a simple test would confirm, but all the signs are there. You're even slightly more rounded in the stomache since I visited you six weeks ago, though that is likely to change if I'm right!"

"Hello and welcome to Focus on Football. I'm Geoff Matthews."

"We start tonight with a review of last night's fixtures. Warpstone took a two point lead at the top of the table with a hard-earned draw at Crowhurst, a late goal from Johnny Stark giving the Stones a late, if deserved, point.

"Their lead was increased after Great Bellstead surprisingly went down at Stambridge City. The Bridge gained their first win in seven after a nightmarish run, thanks in no small part to the return of their captain Peter Longman, who set up two of their goals. The Bells draw a blank for only the second time this season.

"Meanwhile, at the bottom Redstoke and Castleton played out a goal-less draw that does neither side any favours. Don Jeavons' missed penalty could yet prove crucial as the Reds waste a chance to get clear of the bottom three.

"This came as a relief to Northmere, who were slaughtered at Maitland United. An unusually attacking line-up from Maitland saw them four goals to the good by half-time and in the end it was a rout. The seventh saw the Forts gain their biggest ever win under Norman Hacker in his second spell with the club.

"All that and lots more to come...in Focus on Football. First of all, highlights of the big game at the Sequor Stadium. Crowhurst versus Warpstone, your commentator is Geoff Ross."

As the footage played over the airwaves, the producer spoke to Geoff Matthews. "Geoff, we're still waiting for footage of the Wentland match at Taeshan, do you want to let them know the score?"

"I don't know, Geoff...does anyone care?"

"Frankly, no. People have gone right off international football...nobody even knows the team, no-one covered it, we're dependent on the Tae."

"Well, shall we flash it up as a caption?"

"Meh."

(Rockets players gather in the hotel meeting room)

Andrews: No sir, there are no bugs or recording devices in here, we’re good.

Carson: Thanks Eric.

Drummond: So let me get this straight. In order to enjoy all the alcohol in which was bought for us, so it is basically free, we must win.

Carson: That is correct.

Drummond: Then I’m about to have the game of my life.

Prescott: (laughs) Me too.

Carson: We have our bye right after this, so I can’t see the harm in allowing you all to enjoy one of the best aspects of life in Sorthern Northland, but you all must earn it. If we lose, we fly out of here right after the game and all the booze stays at the hotel for their housekeepers.

Prescott: Now we know who the loudest Northerner supporters will be at the match.

Parnett: I’ve never been much of a drinker, but man, I can’t wait.

Peterson: You all should have known that coach would remove the alcohol immediately, so you should have done what I did. Have a drink immediately before he could remove it. I must tell ya, they brew it good here. I didn’t try any of the harder stuff though.

Chapman: I tried a little bit before it got taken away. The luxury of being a reserve.

Brooker: Oh by the way, I redeemed that voucher for the pistachios. If you want one, go to my room. I figure we’ll have them after the game too.

Carson: I’ll have to try some of those. Ok, boys, we know why we’re here. We have plenty of incentive to win even if it wasn’t for the alcohol sitting up there. If we win this game, then we position ourselves very nicely.

Andrews: Obviously though, if we win this game, it’s still just a start. But we have all beaten them before. You guys did it in the Di Bradini Cup.

McAllister: Yeah, they’re rating doesn’t really matter here. They know us, we know them. I think there’s like 20 combined players or something like that they played in those memorable games. We’re all older, wiser, and we all want to qualify for the World Cup. But we need to remember that they have the same hunger.

Brooker: I would expect a quick start to the match. There’s no need for a feel out period due to our familiarity.

Carson: They see us a nemesis, we need to remember that. Because we have won every meeting except the Cup of Harmony quarterfinal against them, this is a rivalry. We know that the rankings say, but to them, they are the underdog in spite of that. We know from the Di Bradini Cup that this is a very hard working team. This will be a battle boys, and it’s a battle that they want just as badly as we do.

Andrews: We’ve come up with this game plan concerning certain players.

(The coaches go into the plan)

"...and you have to admit, Juan, they're a hell of a lot easier to train than blancmanges."

"I never disagreed, old friend. But even now you're still adjusting; the blancmanges had their own.... GOAL!!!! Well played, Oöryphaso! Lovely tap in!"

"See, we didn't take the lead that easily with the blancmanges, did we? Oooooh - surely a free kick! Nicely taken Eugeniotes! 2-0!"

"I know, I know... But still, you have to admit, they had a sort of desserty verve. WONDERFUL STUFF... DUCASO!!!!! 3-0"

"And you're saying this lot don't have verve? 3-0 up after how many minutes? Make that 4-0! Fantastic long-range effort from Phocaso!"

"And I'll admit that we struggled against some of the weaker teams last time around. Certainly we didn't crush anyone by four.... make that FIVE!!! Header off the corner by Lecapnuso!!!!"

"Have I made my point, Juan?"

"I'd say, old friend. 5-0. You'd hardly believe it..."

"Well what about 6? Marvellous dribble from Muntanes!"

"But ordinary footballers.... It just seems so wrong, Simeone. So, well, normal. So Ordinary Reality. On the other hand, a seven-nil victory helps. Well done Barsymes!!!!"

"Can you remember a Holy Empire team ever winning by this sort of margin?"

"No. Not ever. Not even all the way back in the first four world cups. This is, well, this is...."

"REMARKABLE!!!! EIGHT NIL!!!! FINE GOAL FROM PALAEOLOGO!!!!"

"Gosh."

"Gosh indeedy."

"What did you say this lot were called?"

"Does it matter? Whoever they were, they were crap...."

So into battle went our brave footballers as they faced their first ever World Cup Qualifier away to Bostopia.

Bostopia started the match the stronger getting their first shot on goal within seconds of the kick off but it was well held by Patrick Clemence.
In the fourth minute of the game Luke KANPER made a good run down the left, getting past Aimer, and crossed it in but Lukas PLECNIK headed wide.
One minute later and KANPER again got down the left wing well, and this time it was Freddie GRONFELD who got to the cross, and headed it home. just five minutes gone and one-nil, is this going to be a rugby score?
Our Woodpeckers need to get themselves going.
Kevin Wallace receives the ball from the kick off and goes on one of his mazy runs down the left wing, but Adam REDMOND gets in a good tackle and clears the danger.
The Woodpeckers started to get their confidence, playing some good passing moves.
But then in the twenty-fifth minute Karl LOEWE burst from midfield, went past four players and shot into the top left hand corner. Two-nil and the Woodpeckers are shell-shocked by that goal.
Four minutes later Stephen Diddon gets in what looks like a good tackle but the referee disagrees and yellow cards him when he tries to argue the case. Karl LOEWE steps up and strikes the free kick but it is well saved by Patrick Clemence.
Six minutes later David Aimer was booked for bringing down KANPER and Aimer is going to have to be careful as KANPER is a tricky opponent and to avoid another yellow card is not going to be easy.
Two minutes later Aaron Whitemore gets down the right wing and crosses it in, Steve Redrow volleys it goalward, but the goalie makes a good save.
The half ends without any more incident. Two-nil down, and only one real shot on goal from the Woodpeckers. Tom Darkless has really not got going yet.
Two minutes into the second half, Darkless broke from midfield but was pulled down by Richard SADLER but the referee waves play on. Aaron Whitemore is furious, he felt his team mate was fouled and is complaining to the assistant referee. Hot-headed Whitemore could be in trouble here, as the referee comes over, and sends him off, presumably he said something he shouldn't off! Two goals and a man down, Land de Wood are struggling.
Tom Darkless slips across to right wing.
A few minutes later and David Clemence comes off for the experienced Larry Derby who will add a bit of steel to the middle of the park, though David Clemence just seem to be limping a bit, let's hope that's not a serious injury.
Then twelve minutes into the second half Luke KANPER races down that left wing, beating Aimer again, and crosses it in, Stephen Diddon goes to head it but it hits his hand. The referee immediately blows for a penalty and Diddon is protesting his innocence and the referee tells him straight to walk away or get sent off. Diddon has the intelligence to walk away.
Lukas PLECNIK steps up and strikes the penalty home. Three-nil
Andrew Wood sensing Diddon is going to get himself sent off, subs him for Ray Hamil who will come on at right back adding a bit of pace there, with Aimer moving inside.
Land de Wood actually look more solid but struggle to get going in attack, Steve Redrow comes off for Gary Hoggins who gives them an aerial threat but fails to grab a consolation goal.
The game ends: Bostopia 3–0 Land de Wood
Yellow cards: Stephen Diddon (disent), David Aimer (foul)
Red card: Aaron Whitemore (foul, insulting or offensive language)
Injuries: David Clemence (strained hamstring)
Man of the match: No-one really stood out.
Worst man: Tom Darkless, never really got going.

Up next the Zombies of Prux visit Land de Wood for the first home international ever for the Woodpeckers of Land de Wood (however, ours is only a nickname, we wouldn't really put Woodpeckers out to play football, hmm well not at least we were desperate, and it hasn't got that bad yet). The undead verses the living.

Andrew Wood is understood to be considering a formal protest against zombies playing football matches but has yet to find a rule it actually breaks. Nor do zombies come under any quarantine law, as it was never something that ever came up.

Andrew Wood has announced the following team for their next game:
Formation: 4-1-3-2

Patrick Clemence
Ray Hammil Gary Lewis Stephen Diddon Woodrow Derby
Larry Derby
Tom Darkless Gary Workhorse Steve Redrow
Gary Hoggins Richard Higgins


We also caught up with Andrew Wood for this interview:

Larry: Good evening Andrew
Andrew: Good evening Larry
Larry: So Andrew how do you think our first ever World Cup qualifier went?
Andrew: Well it was always going to be a tough match, playing against one of the top thirty teams in the world away from home, I was pleased we didn't get completely thrashed considering some of the scores we saw today.
Larry: Indeed it could have been a lot worse. What about Aaron Whitemore's sending off?
Andrew: Well his hot-head got the better of him again, I would have thought he had learnt after being sent of in the semi-final of the Baptism of Fire against West Zirconia but obviously not. He now faces a two match ban, but I've got to seriously consider if he is a liability to the side now.
Larry: It was almost two sending offs with Stephen Diddon severely warned leading you to sub him I believe.
Andrew: Indeed, Diddon was a bit hard done by I felt, but after that warning, I felt I better sub him and it allowed me to get Ray Hammil on at right back whose pace helped him against their winger.
Larry: Indeed, was it a mistake not having Hammil at right back from the start?
Andrew: Maybe but I felt we needed as experienced a defense as possible but Aimer didn't do that well and during training today pulled up with a calf strain so Ray Hammil will start the next game in his place.
Larry: Talking of injuries any news on David Clemence?
Andrew: Unfortunately he's definitely out of the next game, Larry Derby will take his place and I'm going to sit him just in front of the defense so he can launch attacks from there and get the odd vital tackle in.
Larry: Any news on Ray Horse?
Andrew: He's still struggling following his injury at the Baptism of Fire but hopefully will return soon, with him injured and Aaron Whitemore suspended, I'm switching Tom Darkless to right wing and bringing Gary Workhorse into the middle of the park.
Larry: Any other changes?
Andrew: I'm leaving Kevin Wallace out of the next game, perhaps a bit harsh on him but I want Gary Hoggins height in the next game and want to keep Redrow in the team so Wallace loses out, but he'll come on in the second half I expect.
Larry: Interesting stuff, I hear you are considering appealing against Prux's Zombies.
Andrew: Well I've been looking through the rulebook, but there doesn't seem to be anything against Zombies playing football, so it looks like we'll have to play them.
Larry: But don't they have to be in quarantine for six months or something like dogs?
Andrew: Unfortunately we never imagined zombies coming to Land de Wood so there's nothing on the statute book and if we tried to bring it in now, the authorities would probably chuck us out of the cup as it would be obvious we were only trying to do it to benefit our football team, so we're going to have to play against them whether we like it or not.
Larry: Ok, well I wish you luck, and rather you than me.
Andrew: Thanks I'm sure we'll be fine ...

RP Cut-off for MD2

Purple Knights defeat Legalese

The Knights went to the nation of Legalese, a former powerhouse in Soccer, but there standards have fallen in the past few years as the Knights easily defeated them 2-0. The Purple Knights competitors had no chance with the speedy Knights outplayed the young Legaleseans.

In the first half the Knights had complete control over the game with an early Brian Ying Uing goal in the 20th minute. then knights keeper Tad Montague closed down in the goal letting know goals in, the Knights didn't even need the Doug Nwier goal in the 48th as they easily cruised to a 2-0 victory over the Legalasean team.

The Knights are know 4th in group 3 with a 1-1 record going into the bye week witch i insure you the team will be preparing hard for the game against Roddyville on X Island at the Metropark. Actually the team is planing on a few days of fishing, Golfing, and many other recreational activities. The Knights former World cup will be shown though on TSPN Classic. So watch them if you have the hebegebies about the Knights not playing.

GAME RECAP

Your recap of the 4-nil disaster, by minute:

1st minute: A sign of what might be coming, as the Northerners get an immediate rush on net with Waywide and Hernandez. Jose’s shot goes slightly wide.

3rd minute: Something is bothering the Rockets. They are slow and off their game considerably. Another golden chance for Sorthern Northland is kept from ending in a goal only because of an offsides pass from Hernandez to Waywide.

5th minute: GOAL! Ok, this was inevitable. Jose Hernandez gives Sorthern Northland the lead.

7th minute: YELLOW CARD! Brent Treichler is carded for a careless tackle on Lee Waywide. Oh boy, what a terrible start.

10th minute: YELLOW CARD! Another one dished out to the Rockets, this one goes to Alex Parnett for a shove on Oah Pione. Pione cleanly tackled Parnett, but Alex didn’t think so.

13th minute: Federluchi moves! Yes, for the first time, Newmanistan creates an opportunity that forces the keeper Federluchi to actually need to do something. Sadly, it amounted to nothing.

16th minute: GOAL! A softy by Jua Huwang but it counts just the same. Corey Hennis definitely should have made this save.

17th minute: Brian Carson is ripping into the team from the sidelines. The team is way too slow, and way off their game. Not only was this a far cry from the effort against Jasi-yun, the Pocono City youth soccer team would probably be beating them as well.

20th minute: Newmanistan begins to show some life. Just some, though.

27th minute: After a stretch of non-eventful midfield play, Jeremy McAllister gets a quality shot on net. Federluchi makes a big stop. Maybe, if this had gone in the complexion of the rest of the game could have been different.

29th minute: Another chance for the Rockets, but the play breaks down on a last second defensive read by El-Hadke Murawani.

30th minute: YELLOW CARD! Issued to Shawn Drummond for his argument of an offsides call. Drummond was clearly offsides, but not in his mind. The third booking of the match is getting to the Rockets, and the momentum shifts back to Sorthern Northland.

36th minute: GOAL! Lee Waywide gets his name on the scoresheet.

42nd minute: Waywide another great chance, but his shot goes wide. Not way wide, just a little bit. We go to halftime.

47th minute: Any hope that the Rockets would come out better in the second half immiediately evaporates as clearly it looks like we will get more of the same.

50th minute: SUB! Chris Peterson in for Alex Parnett. Carson likely fearing a second yellow to his young midfielder.

53rd minute: SUB! Brett Carlson in for Shawn Drummond. Same logic as above.

58th minute: GOAL! Lee Waywide, second of the game.

62nd minute: Sorthern Northland appears to have called off the dogs, perhaps in respect to the way the Rockets did the same thing in their Di Bradini Cup game when the score was out of hand in our favor that way.

65th minute: SUB! Mark McCafferty in for Brent Treichler.

66th-90th minute: Very boring as the teams play out the remaining time quite uneventfully.

So there you have it. 4-nil Sorthern Northland. Nothing good comes out of this in any way, but maybe it can built on. With a bye week coming up, Newmanistan will prepare next for its big game against East Ying, one of those “danger” games that have so hampered the Empire in the past.

World Cup Qualification - Group 5
MD1: vs Gerainia (3-1) (@ Gwangdong Imperial Sports Complex and Stadium, Gwangju)
MD2: @ Ad'ihan (1-2)
MD3: vs Universitus University (@ King Kim Iljei Memorial Football Stadium, Malnira)
MD4: @ kenavt (@ Granderson Stadium)
MD5: vs Lingdinis Insania (@ Sanhaemun Football Stadium, Jinhwangdo)
M6: @ Kura-Pelland
MD7: -bye-
MQ: vs Taeshan (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD8: @ Gerainia
MD9: vs Ad'ihan (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD10: @ Universitus University
MD11: vs kenavt (@ Goguryeo Football Stadium, Hanseong)
MD12: @ Lingdinis Insania
MD13: vs Kura-Pelland (@ Cha Beomgeun Memorial Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD14: -bye-
PQ: TBD


MBC Presents...
I Love My Wife!
아내를 사랑해요

Episode 3

Jang Manchun
Oh Yeongsuk
Jang Hanseok
Jang Nayeong
Jang Taemin
Choi Dongil

*cue intro music*


Jang Hanseok: A3!

Jang Manchun: I don't know how playing Starcraft all day helps you win this stupid game. You just sank my battleship.

Oh Yeongsuk: *entering with a load of laundry* Would you two stop playing that stupid game and help me fold the laundry?

Jang Manchun: She agrees with me, you see?

Oh Yeongsuk: Well, I'm glad that we do agree. *hands him underpants*

Jang Hanseok: I don't know why I have to fold this laundry.

Oh Yeongsuk: Half of it is yours!

Jang Hanseok: Well, I guess I could selectively choose my own laundry and fold it.

Oh Yeongsuk: I suppose that's why you go to college, to get smarter than your parents, aygu! *hits Hanseok*

Jang Manchun: Son, when you get married, you learn one of two things: obey your wife. Always. Don't question her authority, especially when it comes to discussing finances. She is the money czar.

Jang Hanseok: Okay... and what's the second thing?

Jang Manchun: How to make a bed on the couch.

Oh Yeongsuk: I think you've mastered that other one.

Jang Manchun: Chances are, you will too.

Oh Yeongsuk: Me?

Jang Manchun: No, no! Hanseok. He's not very good with girls.

Jang Hanseok: How would you know that?

Oh Yeongsuk: You haven't brought home a girlfriend in over ten years.

Jang Hanseok: I'm just not that interested in girls.

Oh Yeongsuk: That's a horrible lie. You play for a rock band! You should have girls lined up for you!

Jang Hanseok: Well, we're not that popular... not too people have heard of us.

Oh Yeongsuk: You're in a rock band and you're even popular? Aygu, what kind of rock band is this?

Jang Nayeong: *enters unexpectedly* It's called Suck-A-Lot.

Oh Yeongsuk: Where are you going?

Jang Nayeong: I'm meeting with Choi.

Oh Yeongsuk: Choi who?

Jang Nayeong: Choi Dongil. We're going to the bike shop.

Jang Hanseok: Bike shop, eh? Well, don't forget your bike lube and accessories!

Jang Nayeong: *slaps Hanseok* Would you quit it? You are such a pervert.

Jang Manchun: There's further proof. He can't handle his sister.

Jang Hanseok: Just because I annoy my sister doesn't mean I annoy other girls.

Jang Manchun: Well, annoying maybe, but you've got to know how to be kind.

Oh Yeongsuk: Stop chatting you two and keep folding.

Jang Nayeong: I'll be back before dinner.

Oh Yeongsuk: If you're using the subway, don't use the red line! They're doing construction around the Cheonanmun Plaza stop.

Jang Nayeong: I'm not taking the subway... *leaves*

Oh Yeongsuk: Every day, she gets more and more belligerent.

Jang Manchun: I think the word you're looking for is "independent".

Oh Yeongsuk: *sneering* And what happened to "obey your wife"?

Jang Manchun: Add this to your list, son. Don't get her upset.

Jang Hanseok: I think I got that one.

Oh Yeongsuk: When are you going back to school?

Jang Hanseok: Well, I'll be back at school next week...

Jang Manchun: And I said that next week is 6 days from now.

Oh Yeongsuk: My goodness. I have to cook for four people for the next 6 days? We might have to go to the store... *runs to the kitchen*

Jang Manchun: Going to the store often means a 6 hours journey. Thankfully, I go to work in 15 minutes, which means you're going with her...

Jang Hanseok: I came home to relax, not to shop.

Jang Manchun: I know you did, but she doesn't.

Jang Taemin: *cries*

Jang Manchun: Does that baby know how to do anything else?

Oh Yeongsuk: *rushing back* I think we also need diapers.

Jang Hanseok: *sniffs* I think we need a diaper.

Oh Yeongsuk: Honey, could you change the diaper please? I've got to get ready to go.

Jang Manchun: I've got to get ready to go too. Let Hanseok do it.

Jang Hanseok: Me? I don't know how to do it.

Jang Manchun: It's very easy, just follow the directions.

Jang Hanseok: What directions?

Jang Manchun: There's usually directions on the packaging.

Oh Yeongsuk: Honey! Just do it!

Jang Manchun: *sighs* Obey your wife...

*END EPISODE 3*

Dancougar News!!
All for a bowl of pineapple salad? Roy Focker, you are a man amongst boys.

A great day for a workout: Charles DuPont didn't like much of what he saw in the Black Wings' 2-1 away loss to Lovisa, and given that, the bye week came at a good time. The Wings prepare to welcome the Milchama Warriors, a team which has cruised through its first two matches, 4-1 against Cypron and 3-1 over Lovisa.

"We have a lot that we need to work on," said DuPont. "Better passing in the midfield to build attacks. Our defense needs to toughen up against that Warrior attack."

"It seemed like we had a really good connection with each other, but when push came to shove, we weren't on the same page," said forward Dan Potts. "We've got guys coming in from different countries, guys from different teams here at home... you always go through that rough patch where you try to gel together."

DuPont had the team play several small-side scrimmages with D-League champions Shuukyuu Kishin earlier this week, and says that while it gave the team a chance to work on its communication, it will take more than that to match the Warriors. Milchama are a team that like to pour on the attack, so he expects the Wings will get few chances to make an impact.

World Cup 42 Factbook: A look at the Wings' next match of qualifiers, brought to you by Construction Hut! When it needs to get done right, hit the hut!

Opponent: Milchama (2-0-0, 7 GF, 2 GA)
Rank: 3
History: 0-0-1, 2 GF, 3 GA

The one time the teams met was at Oxen Cup VII, and the Dancougar side of college all-stars were astounded, and defeated, by a one-man show. Milchama's lone player, Bugsy Borker, turned the Wings into one of his many victims. None of the current roster were in Oxen Cup VII, but then again, Borker isn't here either. Instead there's eleven guys who we can only assume are better.

Given that, do the Wings really have a chance? The game is at home, which is nice. For the real hard-hitting analysis, though, I turn it over to my robot companion, who has been specifically designed to break down football matches at every level!

*click click whiiiiirrr* I'm gonna sing the doom song now! Doom doom doom doomdoom dooooooooom, doom doom doom, doomdoom doom doom doooooom. DOOMDOOMDOOOOOOOM!!!

Yeah. This is going to hurt.
Prediction: 1-3

World Cup Qualification - Group 1
MD1: vs Sel Appa (2-0)
MD2: @ Icy Cold Death Touch (0-0)
MD3: vs Kiryu-shi
MD4: @ Ixania
MD5: -bye-
MD6: vs Jeruselem
MD7: @ The Archregimancy
MQ: TBD
MD8: @ Sel Appa
MD9: vs Icy Cold Death Touch
MD10: @ Kiryu-shi
MD11: vs Ixania
MD12: -bye-
MD13: @ Jeruselem
MD14: vs The Archregimancy
PQ: vs The Holy Empire (@ TBD)

Com' io divenni allor gelato e fioco,
nol dimandar, lettor, ch'i' non lo scrivo,
però ch'ogne parlar sarebbe poco.

Father Thomas de Turrecremata brushed his hands together. It was the best source of warmth in this icy land, devoid of any pleasures of warmth. Truly it was the abode of the devil; except when they arrived, there was no mention off the devil. The people here were not demons, and the leader was not a beast spewing three ferocious heads and gnawing on the corpses of the most despised traitors in the universe. So how then did the people react when Turrecremata managed to burn the chalk and melt the ice cream using the special compounds created in the combustion of chalk? They laughed, they ogled, they puzzled, they awed, they vomited, they scaffed, they questioned, but they did not repent. They didn't lose an ounce of faith whatsoever. It seriously worried the Father as the game came to a close.

He turned to his diary. "The people are extremely hospitable, and were amazed at melting ice cream, but it seems they lack any faith. Indeed, it is hard to inquire on such matters if the concept is lost upon them. At least we have not entirely lost the fight in vain, as the fathers (MHRFT) spent the match praying in the icy winds while the opponents simply juggled the ball without any apparent worry that the object was to get the ball in the other net. This same team that completely obliterated Ixania suddenly turned stupid, although I must confess that the officiating arbiters spent about 30 minutes trying to find a ball that wouldn't instantaneously crack and break in the frigid temperatures. I should imagine that those denizens of Glaycia would find this abode a great place for football."

He paused as the ink in his pen suddenly froze in its place. "Cursed pen! May you never again write!" he shouted. No sooner had he said those words than an icy wind picked up the pen and shattered it against the wall. The monk came over to Father Thomas, snot freezing out of his nose. "Father, I have received word from the Holy Father that a 0-0 draw against frozen denizens would be acceptable, if only they would turn to the one true LORD. At least, before they turn to the one true LORD according to Friar Iohannes Chrysogulus."

"Friar Iohannes Chrysogulus? I've never heard of him."

"Well, he's an Orthodox monk, who's been receiving revelations from the LORD."

"My goodness, those Orthodox monks are insane. Practically every God-fearing creature in the Dreamed Realm can become a saint nowadays! I'll bet that they made one of those damned blancmanges a saint too..."

"Well, that was actually the Holy Empire, but I did recall one of their patriarchs canonized a blancmange following that terrible disaster at the abode of the Han - those crazy folk forced the blancmanges into plastic bags, I heard. But the one named Iacobus Rileus was later canonized for his unwavering faith and great witness as a victim and martyr of the Holy Empire. Never officially recognized though."

Father Thomas sighed at that utterance. "I think our Orthodox counterparts would use the term 'glorification', and as we all know, you have to cite your sources before you make such a claim. Jesus cites the Bible when he claims to be the Son of God, so you should follow in his steps to make such credible statements more appeasable. And I can't believe they canonized a blancmange!"

"Well, that's the Holy Empire. I hear they're doing much better this time around, having disposed of their idea of using blancmanges."

Father Thomas then stood up with a brilliant idea. "That's it!"

"What's it?" the monk replied.

Father Thomas then turned to the monk and lifted his finger, as to gesture with speaking, but he spake nothing at the last moment. "Nevermind, that was a bad idea." Apparently, even the Inquisitor had his doubts.

"So what shall we do when we return to Rome? We will be receiving the Kiryu-shi."

"I guess we'll have to go with the simple burn a cricket at the stake sort of ordeal. It usually gets them upset."

"Ummm, I think that's a rather bad idea..."

Hamburger Hill Herald

Once again having Zombies helps as Land de Wood almost forfeited the match, but after the zombies were outfitted with mouthguards they took the field and it didn't matter. 2 goals from Zombie Just Fontaine and another from Zombie Zinedine Zidane "Triple Z", as we are calling him. But it wasn't all good news as Triple Z was given a red card for biting a referee. Since there are only 11 members of the team, with no backups, The head Coach, Dr. Mkembe will take the field against Greal.

Schedule:
vs. Arroza WIN 3-0 (1-0-0 record)
@ Land de Wood WIN 3-0 (2-0-0 record)
vs. Greal
@ Bazalonia
vs. Nuevos Aires
@ Bostopia
BYE
@ Arroza
vs. Land de Wood
@ Greal
vs. Bazalonia
@ Nuevos Aires
vs. Bostopia
BYE

Prux' Goals:
Zombie Pelé: 2
Zombie Just Fontaine: 2
Zombie Ronaldo: 1
Zombie Zinedine Zidane: 1

Green Wombat Daily Tattler

Anytime that you can steal a point from the #1 team in the world is great. And that is just what the Wombats did, coming back from a 3-1 deficit to earn a 3-3 draw with Valanora. After 2 early goals from Ikles Razov made it 2-0 in favor of the Marauders, Dale Henke deflected a pass from Wayne Blessing into the net to make it 2-1 just before the half. After Kiso Night made it 3-1 in the 73rd minute, 2 quick goals from Blessing and Ronald Wilcox tied it up at 3-3 and that's how it ended.

Up next is Demot back at home, and with an impressive road performance this week, perhaps a major home win is forthcoming.

SCHEDULE:
MD1: vs. Ron Paulovia WIN 3-2
MD2: @ Valanora Draw 3-3
MD3: vs. Demot
MD4: @ West Zirconia
MD5: BYE
MD6: vs. Central Prestonia
MD7: @ Blouman Empire
BYE DATE
MD8: @ Ron Paulovia
MD9: vs. Valanora
MD10: @ Demot
MD11: vs. West Zirconia
MD12: BYE
MD13: @ Central Prestonia
MD14: vs. Blouman Empire

GOALS:
Utley: 2
Blessing: 2
Henke: 1
Wilcox: 1

World Cup 42 Match 2

"Ouch, that was a big loss for Greal.
Greal lost to Bostopia 0-5. Now what? John Igor, the team captain, has announced a new team formation, that Greal has trained for. A defensive formation."

New Formation

2-2-3-4

Their next opponent would be Prux. Which has dangerous zombies. Greal will be warned to watch out in their next match.

Schedule

20/8 (wed) - qualifying MD01 @ Nuevos Aires (WIN 1-0)
21/8 (thu) - qualifying MD02 vs Bostopia (LOSS 0-5)
22/8 (fri) - qualifying MD03 @ Prux
23/8 (sat) - qualifying MD04 vs. Arroza
24/8 (sun) - qualifying MD05 @ Land de Wood
25/8 (mon) - qualifying MD06 OFF DAY/BYE
26/8 (tue) - qualifying MD07 vs. Bazalonia
27/8 (wed) - mid-qualifying friendlies (Caf)
28/8 (thu) - qualifying MD08 vs Nuevos Aires
29/8 (fri) - qualifying MD09 @ Bostopia
30/8 (sat) - qualifying MD10 vs Prux
31/8 (sun) - qualifying MD11 @ Arroza
1/9 (mon) - qualifying MD12 vs Land de Wood
2/9 (tue) - qualifying MD13 OFF DAY/BYE
3/9 (wed) - qualifying MD14 @ Bazalonia

Kara Kool looking respectable while Kate Sallad looks like Barbie Doll Hooker ...

Kara: Hello! I'm Kara Kool and this is ... THE FOOTBALL LIFE.
Kate: And I'm the Ho of BarbieLand
Kara: For those religious types, that's Whore of Babylon.
Kate: Ho of BarbieLand sounds better.

Kara: We're in Turtle place! Sel Appa. Land of the ... err.
Kate: Fluffy pink turtles!
Kara: Today Jeruselem played Sel Appa in big game. Huge game!
Kate: And it was great game, except we didn't win.

Kara: We didn't lose either.
Kate: It was a 3 ALL draw.
Kara: We didn't start too well, conceding two goals early.
Kate: That's because my sister Jacinta got knocked around a bit.

Kara: She basically got outmuscled by the biggeer stronger Sel Appans.
Kate: Yeah, wasn't good at 0-2 down for us. Jacinta had to be taken off the field.
Kara: But Jenny Sloan pulled back a goal for us before half-time. A great header for our Jenny.
Kate: Yeah, it's amazing what tricks she pulls to avoid getting swamped by defenders.

Kara: And then we conceded another goal ...
Kate: I did not trip over that striker in the penalty area.
Kara: I think you did.
Kate: He clipped me, it was another way around. That's my story.

Kara: Anyway, we were 1-3 down.
Kate: But that Flak Sho cutie struck back for us with a great goal in the 70th minute.
Kara: Those Ariddians are sure talented. It was a nice clean strike and the keeper was stuck.
Kate: I think Kara likes Flak Sho too.

Kara: And then bimbo here somehow scored the last goal.
Kate: It was great goal in the 87th minute.
Kara: Looked like you fell over instead of trying to head the ball.
Kate: Hey, I was avoiding two defenders to get the ball.

Kara: You could have done in a simplier way, like kicking the ball.
Kate: Nah, you have do it a bit of style.
Kara: It looked a bit ... err
Kate: Kinky! You don't call yourself the Ho of BarbieLand for nothing.

Kara: In other games, Ixania tried hard but failed to beat Kiryu-Shi, going down 2-4.
Kate: Not bad but if you can't defend, you can't win.
Kara: And them Saints ran out of ideas against the Satanic Icy Cold Death Touch with a NIL all draw.
Kate: Yeah, Sel Appa played great today. Dunno what happened in the first game.

Kara: OK, a bit sports news!
Kate: Queen Kate Dallas got released from the Elven temple for week. The former World Cup player and Captain will be spending time with the kids.
Kara: Oh yes, all those little Dallases running amok.
Kate: All we need is few more little Sallads!

Kara: Princess Jacinta Sasha Dallas announces that baseball will get more money so we don't some last in the World Baseball Classic 9.
Kate: Meaning they don't need to hold raffles for fund raising.
Kara: And one more thing ... it's someone's birthday.
Kate: Yeah, Kara turns 34. God, she's growing older!

Kara: What is it with Barbie theme today?
Kate: Oh, Im glad you asked! You can now buy Kate Sallad Barbie dolls.
Kara: Great ... just what we needed.
Kate: They're better than the Kara Kool ones!

Kara: That's it from me.
Kate: See you all later at home when we play Icy Cold Death Touch.
Kara: We're going to blowtorch them! So they melt.
Kate: Literally?

Kara: No, we're not allowed to that.
Kate: And buy the new Kate Sallad dolls. The new Ho of BarbieLand.
Kara: Oh yes, Jeru FC had the bye today.

Group 1
Kiryu-Shi 4–2 Ixania
Sel Appa 3–3 Jeruselem
Icy Cold Death Touch 0–0 Magna Sancta Sedes

Group 12
Jeru FC bye

QBC WORLD CUP 42 COVERAGE

"Hello all, I'm John Cadding, Beck Davidham has come down with the Newmanistani Flu and will not be here for the next couple of matches. You've just watched Kelssek's thirilling 1-0 win over Qazox at Le Stade Olympique in Outineau. There is not much to the highlights, so let's take a look at the only goal:

Minute 85:
"Ian Sinclair lines up for the penalty after Georgianne Shillingford's handball after the corner was sent in by Jean Despatie. Goolden's twitching at the line waiting for Sinclair's shot, a crucial part of this match that has remained scoreless so far, thanks to the defensive brilliance by the home side. Sinclair shoots and GOAL! Sinclair makes it 1-nil Kelssek here late in the match and now Qazox has to throw everything forward to try to steal a point!

"This marks Kelssek's first win over Qazox in football, and I expect the rematch back in Qazox City to be just as thrilling. This burgeoning hockey rivalry has now just spilled into football and if the history between these two in hockey is any indication, Qazox could be in for a fight for the top spot in the group. The loss was Qazox' first qualifying loss in almost 8 years, the most previous one being the 2-1 loss at Prux in a playoff for World Cup 40.

Up next is the 2nd of our early tests, Quakmybush. Tickets at Qazian Memorial Stadium in Qazox City have been soldout for months and a crowd of just over capacity is expected. For all of us here at QBC, we wish you a good night."


QAZOX Goals:
Jaus: 2
Valladores: 1
de Olivares: 1

With focus on Columbia, World Cup coverage takes back seat

Ad’ihani football fans wanting to watch their recent World Cup qualifiers away in Kura-Pelland (1-1, Julian D'Abbo) and at home to World Cup 41 cohosts Daehanjeiguk at the Protectorate Stadium (2-1, Anthony Jones and Peter Schilling) on television have been disappointed by the lack of coverage due to the ongoing NSOlympics in Columbia, Bedistan, Unified Capitalist States, where Ad’ihan's women's softball team picked up gold at the same time as the match against Daehanjeiguk.

The only media coverage of the matches so far has been this very report, with most of the press attention focussed on Columbia. Even the national team manager, Luke Evans, has not taken the bench in the first two games due to his role as chef-de-mission for the Ad’ihani delegation. Rather, his assistant from the days of his first stint in charge of the team, Alex Lewis-Edwards, has temporary control over the team.

Things were made even more complicated as first match was away in Kura-Pelland, where Lewis-Edwards was arrested and charged following the World Cup 38 draw for allegedly assaulting a Bazalonian representative. As such, he was not able to travel to the country, leaving the team without a manager for the match. To their credit, they were able to scrape a 1-1 draw.

With growing discontent within the fan base at the lack of coverage of the national team, it remains to be seen what the AFF will do to stem a growing public relations disaster, no thanks to the Olympics.

Rennidan Soccer Training Ground

6 miles east of the Eagles Nest Stadium

The new World Cup team has assembled for their first spot of training before their second match of qualifying.

There has been nation wide panic over the shooting down of Flight 109, both over the implications of a possible war and the implications it has for Rennidan's World Cup entry.



I'm not sure what I'm doing here.


A few days ago, my brother, my girlfriend and my friends died thanks to a bunch of weapon-pepped nomad terrorists. I was sent to see a psychiatrist that sat through the entire meeting with an unsatisfied frown upon his face. He said he was worried that I may be depressed.

I don't know why I went to see him.

I already knew this.

Jerry Horts stands beside me. We're both facing the training pitch, where the team that was quickly assembled over twenty eight hours is now learning how to play together. We have a drum and bass track booming in the background to try and keep them focused and in rhythm. It's doing little to keep me focused, however. I find my mind wandering. I think what would it be like if I was on that plane. Would anything be different apart from Horts having a few more grand to his annual income?

I like the disillusion that, perhaps, if I was on the plane, then it wouldn't have been shot down, as though my sheer presence alone would be enough to have changed the events that are now part of history.

I hear they're going to make a memorial.

I yell out to Diar Twils, my brother's replacement, the brother who was my replacement, that he needs to put more into his dives.

Twils is seventeen.

He's not ready for this.

I watch Fortal and Samman sit to one side of the pitch. Like me, their heads aren't in this. Samman lost his best friend, and Fortal lost everyone he ever knew. I hear Malkala's mother was ill and waiting for her son to come home to see her.

Poor woman's heart must have broke even more when she saw on the news that her only son was gone.

I hear Samman paid her a visit. Good lad.


My mind keeps wandering back to the days when I travelled the world. I especially liked being in Newmanistan. Lovely place to be for a month or two. I couldn't stay any longer because I wanted to get home to see Rachel.

I might go back there one day. It'd be nice to live there, I reckon.


I watch Belon pass the ball back t--Oh, you know what.

Forget it.

This doesn't matter right now, does it? There's more on my mind than football.

I turn away from the pitch and walk back through into the stadium. I tell Horts that I need to pay a visit to the little boys room, which is somewhat true, and I decide that maybe it will be my detour on the way home.


I unzip. I pee. I feel relieved, but I'm still broken on the inside.

It's then that I hear the sobbing.

In the stalls, a 16 year old Josef Fersu cries. Nervous? Anxious?

He's sixteen.

He shouldn't be playing for his country.

Maybe I'll live in Dancougar instead. That was an interesting place to be for a month....

I talk to Josef. I calm him down. I send him back out onto the pitch with his heart for the game renewed. He was only worried about being hurt.

I realize I'm being stupid.

I wash my hands.

I leave the bathroom.

But not the stadium.

I go back out onto the pitch.

I'll do this for them.




(( Urrrgh. I'm giving my sister away at her wedding in a few days, so not only am I not going to be here to RP for a day or two, but I'm busy writing a speech as well! Good luck to ya'll, and I'll be back asap. ))

Captain Celina Sadie Dallas and her father Rocky Pointy Stick at the tomb of her mother Major Rashina Dallas ...

Sadie: I wish Mum was still alive.
Rocky: You're not alone in that.
Sadie: Can I be as good as Mum in football?
Rocky: Yeah, you can. You just have work harder.

Sadie: But I'm so stupid! Even Kate Sallad is smarter than me.
Rocky: It's not your fault. Don't blame yourself there. Not everyone gets gassed by nerve gas when they are their mother's womb.
Sadie: Am I dumber than Hikfie?
Rocky: Err ...

Fiskin: Hey! What you doing here.
Rocky: Hello Fiskin, come to see your sister?
Fiskin: Well, my sister having a good sleep in a box. How is little Sadie here?
Sadie: I want my Mum back.

Fiskin: There's plenty of Dallas family around to call Mum. Woy, when are you going get remarried there Rocky?
Rocky: I'm a middle-aged man no one wants.
Fiskin: What do you mean? There's plenty of middle-aged women after you.
Rocky: Yeah, but I can't find another Rashina.

Sadie: There's plenty of single women in the World Cup team DAD!
Rocky: Most are a bit too young Sadie.
Fiskin: What about marrying another Dallas?
Rocky: I'm not into dating my wife's sisters like you.

Fiskin: Hey, it's not like inbreeding or something! You need more kids.
Rocky: One is enough.
Sadie: I'd like more sisters
Fiskin: She's like other half of our family.

Rocky: That's what happens when you spend too much time with two Princesses.
Sadie: They have cute kids.
Fiskin: Where's that boyfriend of yours?
Sadie: Nok? He's trying to become an officer in the army. Don't think it's going to work.

Rocky: You could be a little pickier about boyfriends.
Sadie: I'm too stupid to know better.
Fiskin: You need a Flak Sho
Sadie: He's a nice guy

Stephen locked his apartment door and collapsed on his bed. C was nowhere to be found, but he heard the shower water running. He kicked off his shoes and thought back to the game. Those three... special investigators, they said? He closed his eyes and thought back to their first meeting...

It happened after he ran into one of them in the restroom at a Black Knights game... In a panic, he used his Geass to erase the man's memory of his face. After the game, they'd come up to him in the locker room. Sure enough, the man didn't know anything that happened, but they still suspected him of fixing the game. Had they watched him use his power? Even if they did, what could they prove? This challenge forced them to retreat once his players rallied around him.

For a few weeks after that, he couldn't shake the feeling that he was being watched. Sure enough, he caught them following him home. They'd park a block or two away from the apartment building whenever they entered the garage, but he knew it was a matter of time before they attempted a more invasive visit. As a precaution, he had C alter her appearance for when she was at home. Whenever they went out as the coaching staff of the Black Knights, she wore a disguise which presented her original appearance.

He also had to find hiding places for his Zero gear. His cape and clothing were rolled up and used as part of the stuffing for a body pillow that sat at the foot of his bed. The helmet proved more difficult to deal with. The solution, he'd decided, was to leave it in plain sight. He had a few mecha manga lying around, and one of the characters wore a very flamboyant pilot uniform. He recreated the costume with C's help, and converted the helmet to the pilot's when not in use. The final touch was to make sure nobody in the building could tell the different either way; that's what he had Geass for.

Something still didn't feel right. He felt like they shouldn't have been able to narrow it to him so easily. Yes, his style of coaching and appearance were... unorthodox. But then again, football has never been straightforward in this world. Sentient transreality blancmanges, for god's sake. He decided to review his own activities and match the incidents he caused with the way they were reported. He concluded that it was impossible not to draw suspicions, as even the subtlest mistakes were pounced upon, and people who lived for this sort of analysis were quick to point out that it was completely uncharacteristic given each player's history, conditioning, and so on, and so forth, et cetera, et cetera. Obsessive fans made his life difficult.

But he found something else that was interesting. Similar events that he knew weren't his fault, but they had all the telltale signs of his own meddling. At that point, he realized that there was someone else with a power similar to his. He had confronted C on the issue.

"I've had others in the past, sure," she said, "but I only gift my power to one person at a time... whoever you think it is, I'm not involved."

He didn't trust her completely, but for now, her word was all he had to go on. What was more important was that if he could locate this individual, he could get this guy to take the fall for everything that was being blamed on him. There was no reason to keep him around as an accomplice, since anything that reduced his own control couldn't be tolerated. He needed people who would blindly follow his mantra when developing players. As the head of a coaching academy, he could do it, or maybe if he got a consulting position with the FA.

It could wait. Nothing could be pinned on him as it was, and the other guy hadn't made too many moves lately... not that any of them affected him to begin with. Stephen sighed. Too many plans. Not enough time.

He turned on the television. They were railing on the team again. With the loss to Lovisa and Milchama next up, the Wings faced the grim spectre of an 0-2 start. With twelve games to play in the group, it was certainly not the end of the world. But it's always difficult to climb out of a hole like that. If they get into the Cup of Harmony instead, it'll be the end for DuPont, he thought. The first condition will be clear.

*********************

Demetri Halforth: drills every free kick directly into the wall.
Allen Varens: mistimes a head inside the six yard box and puts it over.
Kenji Miller: runs straight at a defender and loses the ball on the break.

The Suck Note hadn't gotten a good workout lately. Peter had been busy helping Russ and the professor, but now he sat in his room and tried to figure out what would be good to write down. Obviously Milchama would bring a lot of pressure, so he had to try and slow them down. He wouldn't be able to see the game later, because...

A knock on the door. He stopped abruptly and closed the note, bundling it together with some other notebooks and papers. Russ entered the room. "Hey, you ready?"

"Just getting my notes together," replied Peter. "This probably isn't going to go well, though..."

"The best we can do is try, right?" said Russ. When he turned to leave, Peter tossed the note into his closet and took the rest with him. The two drove to the lab to pick up the professor, and then headed for the local government buliding. They were to present their findings to a panel, and the grim truth was that they only had conjectures based in intuition, not solid evidence.

They sat before the panel, which was frowning as they perused through the documents they'd been putting together. "This inquery will come to order," boomed the chairman. That was really unnecessary; there were only eight people in the room. Peter gulped and wiped his brow. The professor sat with arms folded, staring straight ahead.

"You state that players suspected of fixing results all make eye contact with this 'Zero' before a blatantly erroneous play."

"Correct."

"Yet you do not list anything in your report which decisively indicates that signals or commands were issued to the players in question."

"Correct."

"Would you care to explain?"

Russ stood up. "We directly observed instances of eye contact followed by an erroneous play, and from recordings of Zero, we determined that he always speaks prior to the play. Audibly, he spoke very softly, so we suspected lip reading as the method of communication, but this was later disproven after he began shielding his mouth with a clipboard on the sidelines, which is nevertheless suspicious behavior."

One panel member placed the document on the table and folded his hands. "It's not at all suspicious; he could have easily been talking to members of his coaching staff over a wireless link. Many coaches do it, especially when they have assistants watching the game from stadium boxes to get a full view of the field."

"In amateur league, though?" asked Russ. "These games are played at high schools, a thousand people tops! And the only assistant he has is..."

"Irrelevant," the panelist replied, cutting him off.. Russ sat down. They continued thumbing through the documents. "A signal could easily be something subtle agreed upon before the match. Just eye contact, for example. Do you have any record of him interacting with opposing players?"

"Without access to his communication records, we can't know for sure," said Peter. "But he had no direct contact with opposing players before matches, from our observations. It's possible he..."

"Did the players indicate that they were contacted?"

"No, but can we beli..."

"Is there evidence that the players were offered any inducements to perform poorly?"

The professor stood up. "Ve heff inclooded ze tistimonis of ze players," he said, "und every one of zem demonstrated a form of selectiff amnesia. Ve cannot trust ze statemints to ze vord!"

"Yet you collected further information on the players which indicates that most of what they said is truthful," a panelist responded. "We have verification from other teammates that no inducements were made."

"I find it highly improbable that dozens, hundreds of players across the country would all just keel over for this man just because they like him," said another. "You do realize that with the D-League farm system, there is now a very great incentive for players in the lower leagues to perform at a high level."

This wasn't going well at all.

"Based on this evidence," the lead panelest said, standing up, "I believe there is no further reason to pursue the investigation."

"What?!" Russ exploded, jumping to his feet. "How can you say that when we've barely been allowed to do anything?"

"While match-fixing is a serious offense, our conclusion from your report is that Zero is capable of extracting the most from his players, and they become adept to reading opponents and pouncing on mistakes," the lead replied. "You are to cease your current work and remain on standby until you're needed again. This inquery is adjourned."

The other four rose and walked out of the room. The door closed behind them, echoing throughout the chamber. Russ flopped down into his seat. "Unbelieveable..." he murmured.

This can't end here... thought Peter. If I can't find the other guy with this power, then...

Russ turned to the professor, a fierce look in his eyes. "They probably won't hand us anything for awhile after all this."

"No."

"So we'll have a lot of free time, then."

"Yah."

"Tell me, professor... how do we bug this guy?"

"This is our chance Agent Smith."

"What do you mean Mr. president?"

"The fans are finally doing what we want, putting pressure on those religious nutjobs to finally produce. Their whole 'Lord of Scores' garbage can't hold up much longer if the team keeps choking in the cup proper."

"Ah i see Mr. president, since their cult is based on the idea their glowing soccer ball god is supporting the team. The fact that the team fails to adavanace time and time again can only serve to weaken their claim of godhood."

"Presisely Smith, who wants to follow a loser god. Not that there's any such thing as a winning god mind you despite what the Irish think."

"Well my agents in the Tynelian Soccer Federation have already begun a whispering campaing to ensure that unless the team does much better this cup that they should fire the nutjob coach and find a more traditional Tynelian to lead the team."

"Good work. Have you gathered any candidates as yet?"

"No sir, i am looking at former players. Perhaops Agent White might serve. No one knew of her activity on the team under the 'Kara Brown' alais we used during her four cups. We could count on her reliability at least. Though she was not much of a household name which may matter with the fans."

"I see Smith. Keep looking into it, try one of those MacDouglas- they're popular enough for religiousists. Or see if a Stossels is floating around. They're a properly atheist family."

"Yes sir"

Glaycia Factbook- part 1 of several

Location and topography- Glaycia is a small island just below the Arctic Circle with 45% of its total landmass is covered with thick glacial ice year round .Of the remaining land- 22% is barren wasteland, generally surrounding the glaciers themselves, 11% are lakes and rivers, 12% tundra and 10% normal vegetation. Larges lakes are Lake Supreme about 35 km by 32km and the Inoke Lake 40km x19km. The deepest lake is the Vorr Lake which is some 280m deep. The longest river is the Daal running about 45 km long from the edge of the northern glaciers to the sea with several tribuataries branching out along the way.

Size- 48,504sq km (258km at the longest point and 197km at the widest)
Population- 115,000- about 90% live in the southern half of the isle
Major population centers- Anaboug- pop 43,000- south coast
- Varisktu- pop 13,500- south-eastern coast
- Hodulou- pop 9,000- south central
- Faalosko- pop 7,500- south-west coast
- Dubingu- pop 6,000- west coast

Chi Sun-Times-Tribune-Domestic-International-Star-News-Today

Sports Section

Milchama Easily Win First Two Games

The qualifying campaign for the World Cup kick started this past month. You would have been forgiven for not paying attention considering how our Warriors are crushing all competition in the WBC* and seem on their way to hopefully another victory.

*Pozterisk! The WBC this time around has been a lot more entertaining then the last two have you noticed that? It might be because it doesn't seem like we're the best in the world anymore but something about it is just more entertaining then usual. It's a really fun feeling to do that with a tournament. Come on You Warriors! Oh and since we're here we would like to thank Dancougar for the fun Invader Zim reference. Great show.

Anyway the Warriors in the football world have done just as well. They are 2 for 2 with 2 easy victories over inferior and are in first place in the group with a +5 GD no matter what the official tables say (really a team with +4 GD getting first place over a team with +5 GD? What the hell Cafundéu or Septentrionie you should have better math skills then that). Coach Thomas Markin said, "This is the type of football I've been dreaming about ever since World Cup 41 with that horror squad. It's so nice to have real footballers back in the fold." With that very true statement said let's look at the games themselves.

The first game was against Cypron and they were summarily defeated 4-1. We would something like a full match report but it really only works like this. Milchama on the attack Halforth to Timnack to Morelia to Varens. Cross shoot. Then the shot was either wide, saved or in.

Final Score:
Milchama 4 (Miller 23, 36, Halforth 67, Kerf 80)
Cypron 1 (Cheese 71)

The second game was supposed to be harder as it was against the 37th ranked Lovisa instead of a 100 some ranked team. Of course the Warriors, who just seem so happy to be playing after a missed World Cup, made mince meat of the Poles. Halforth delivered a master class in how to pass and Gamliel scored twice with Evans chipping in a third. 3-1 for the Warriors this time.

Final Score:
Milchama 3 (Evans 12, Gamliel 48, 54)
Lovisa 1 (Pole 87)

So that's about it from the qualification front for now. Next time we promise more comprehensive coverage of the Warriors games, from start to finish.

---Channel 9 News, Bostopia---

The Bostopian Government wishes to express it's condolences to the people of Rennidan following the tragic deaths of members of it's national football squad. The Government also said that they would be willing and able to assist Rennidan in any way possible.

---Île de Nouveau Bostopie, somewhere---

Dear Diary,

Today, my greatest victory was marred by a bloke from Sorthern Northland completely ruining my diversionary tactics. Now, myself and Field Marshal Deciduous-Leaf had just claimed the island in the name of Bostopia, and suddenly the mangoes decide to launch a revolution. Not only did this prove to me that all mangoes are socialist and therefore evil, it told me that mangoes must be banned from Bostopia.

Anyway, just as I was about to counter-attack using a brilliant plan involving a lettuce, a palm tree and an igloo, that Sortherner comes and rains on my parade! Literally! Unwittingly, he totally failed in taking me out, as that is the aim in all Sortherners, and instead took out his own revolution! Hah! Bostopia wins again! The Sortherner attempted to introduce myself to me, but I instead sang the Bostopian anthem in his face!

This Sorthern bloke thinks he's smart. He's gone about making a camp and all sorts. Right by the stream. I hope it floods. It'll flood! I'll make sure of it! Perhaps I'll dam it. Damn, that'd be one hell of a dam. Damn, dam! HAHA! I crack myself up. Hold on a second.

AIEE! WE'RE BEING INVADED!!!

A household in Fedala, Second Empire of the Golden Throne
The shock of a draw...

Georg looked at his television screen in amazement. His jaw had, by now, dropped to the floor, and his friend's jaws were not far off. The Macabee national team had, in some way or another, earned a draw against the national football team of North Bettia (a much more experienced and more established team, by the way). The game had ended two to two goals. Of course, the prodigy player Mika d'Angíel - who had been blasted by the media the day before for not scoring against the disaster they called a game against Tynelia - had scored the first. The second goal had come soon after the first, and in fact the two goals were scored fairly early in the game. The goal had been scored by midfielder Golet Níer, after an excellent long ball from winger Tíengard Balánt. These two goals had put the Golden-Whites in the lead. Unfortunately, two goals that were scored over the remainder of the game, put Northern Bettia back in the game and forced the draw. But, for all that it was worth, a draw was not that bad. The Empire's team had just shown up a football squad that was in the mid-20s in regards to rank, and that had to mean something. Perhaps coming in third place during the qualification group stage was not as far off as people suggested (most predicted coming in fourth in the group), or even if one believed in miracles ... qualifying for the finals?

Georg D'has - the man amazed by the result - was not one of these "believers". But, he was happy that his team had not lost against Northern Bettia, nonetheless. He had invited three of his friends over and some girls, and by now they had recovered - as a football player himself, he was naturally more interested in the competition than others. He hoped that one day the Empire hosted such a competition, but he wasn't that delusional - he would just have to travel abroad one day to see a world cup game. In any case, it was apparent that the Golden-Whites' fans got a spark in their affection back - enough, perhaps, to start that world cup fervor that had come during the qualification stage of World Cup 41 (the first post-war [War of Golden Succession] world cup the national team had attended). The fact that some people were talking about "third" was proof - the team was still fifth in rankings, and getting third required defeating teams like The Holy Empire, who was currently in third place in the group (and had defeated Montgisard by eight goals the previous match day).

One of Georg's friends came up behind him, while he checked the scores for the other games on television. Macabee television had this nifty program which allowed viewers to navigate through a sorts of "internet" which was sent through radio waves - the country had not had time during the war and post-war era to convert radio waves to digital signals (although this was supposedly going to happen in a number of years). Amazingly, the Holy Empire (29th in the world rankings) had come to a draw with Kereca (45th in the world rankings), impeding their rise over Northern Bettia. Tynelia had, of course, defeated Montgisard by two goals (at least not by eight), ensuring their position as group leaders - although there was much qualification yet to cover.

Georg's friend chuckled and said, "Hey, at least we're not last in the group."

"Well, to be fair we have tied against what people thought to be the second best team in the group, so we can't be that bad." Georg didn't let his emotion brew. "Hey, we're going to beat Wijaska Island tomorrow."

"We'll see."

Wijaska Island was 139th in the world rankings, some 50 ranks above that of the Second Empire - it was possibly an "easy win", although today's draw had shown that football games were never "easy wins". However, if Tynelia defeated Kereca, it could mean the ascension of the Golden-Whites to fourth in the group. Then again, nothing would really be sure until there was a dramatic and obvious gap in points (all teams missed a match day to make games played even) - the team and her fans would have to wait and see ...

[
Appendix 1: Macabee World Cup Scorers
D'Angiel, Mika - 1
Níer, Golet - 1

Appendix 2: Group statistics table
Group 2 P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Tynelia 2 2 0 0 7 0 +7 6
2 Northern Bettia 2 1 1 0 4 3 +1 4
3 The Holy Empire 2 1 1 0 10 2 +8 4
4 Kereca 1 0 1 0 2 2 0 1
5 The Macabees 2 0 1 1 2 7 −5 1
6 Wijaska Island 1 0 0 1 1 2 −1 0
7 Montgisard 2 0 0 2 0 10 −10 0
]

Match Reports

Roddyville 0–3 Kose and The Turkomans
Kose gets campaigjn going.
in a game dominated from start to finish by the Turks or Türkler, Sinan netted a hatrick after some fantastic link up play with Serkan Turkmen who recovered his form.

The first goal was a solo effort by Sinan who took the defense out quite literally for one of the unfortunate defenders who is injured as Sinan got his campaign going right.

The next two goals were carbon coppies of each other as Serkan layed the ball off for Sinan and he netted from long range the lead should have been more but Hikmet was denied by fantastic keeping.

Kose and The Turkomans 1–0 Yafor 2
last gasp antics save Turks at home.
In a very even game Serkan Turkmens added time goal saved the Turks after a hail marry ball up by Kazim and Serkans powerful left foot told the tale, in what turned out to be the only shot on target for the Turks and the fans will not be hoping for such late game antics, even if it takes us far.

Top Scorers
Sinan: 3
Serkan: 1

Next Game:
KTT vs Solenial
The Turks must sureley expect once again after such a fantastic start to the campaign the team must hope that key men like Sabri, Serkan and Sinan are on top form as well as Kazim who has not conceeded a single goal so far.

Interview with the master of the left
I: here we are with Serkan, so heres the first question; how hard has the training been?
St: it's been hard but it has paid off we have an extremely fit team and are able to take the game to the opponent for 90 minutes as we saw against Yafor 2.
I: there have been rumors that you will be captain next campaign since Sinan Kose had been playing poorly but now he has recovered lost form do you think there is still a challenge to the captains slot?
St: I can't comment on something beyond my controll all I know is that we have to qualify for this world cup here and now!
I: And lastly how do you rate the team this campaign?
St: Well we are all wiser and smarter with the games we've got under our belt also I feel there is a more 'Club like' mentality meaning we all know each other in and out.
I: thank you for your time.
OOC: for teams in my group please refer to my players by first name.

Sunlight filled the optimistically-named Estadio Nacional in Arrigo, refracting cheerfully through the unnecessarily frilly glass curtain surrounding the upper tier of the Moderno section, and bouncing unfortunately off the puddles in the running track. The pitch was slick but springy, and utterly devoid of moles and, without an audience in the stands, the shouts of the training players – a mixture of the gruff and experienced, and disconcertingly youthful – were interrupted only by the occasional keening cry o–

“ESHTEVETH, F’R GODSH SHAKE! JUSHT HOOF IT, MAN!”

Um… Okay. I was going to talk about the seagulls, but whatever.

Pablo Estévez, of Cathedral City, simpered unhappily and glanced towards Kam Letcher, of Turks’ Club, who shrugged. The elder boy nodded.

“Will do, sir!” he called out.

“Good! No fanshy shtuff, mate, elshe the Delamawariansh’ll have yer gutsh for gartersh!”

They won’t, of course, Matteo Corradini added to himself, as he watched the poor teenage defenders attempt to deal with an onrushing Tom Smith. Yes, the Delamawaria national under-17 team pretty much lived for the rare opportunities to try their luck against their Candelariasian counterparts. But Delamawaria had never produced a single professional footballer of the remotest note, while the C&M senior team were in the top forty nations on the entire planet, somehow or other, and the single purpose of these sorts of clashes was to build up the Candelariasian kids’ confidence by beating up their regional neighbours. Personally, Matteo felt that very few of these cosseted teenagers needed an ego-boost… certainly not when a sixteen year-old like Marc Meesschaert was willing to risk breaking Smith’s right ankle with a tackle like that, blimey… And as for wasting a potentially vital training session before a World Cup qualifier by sharing it with these over-enthusiastic striplings…

But he wasn’t in Kris Healy’s position, or Andy Walker’s as under-17 coach. And besides, there was something undeniably entertaining about terrifying the future of the Big Blues. Craig Coy and Oglethorpe Darwin and the other kids from Albrecht FC might be used to training alongside the second-most important man in the Candelarias (Robyn Morton being the first lady President having elevated the national team’s captain to the number two spot, behind Healy himself), but for most of the rest of the squad this was a dream come true.

He nodded quietly to himself, impressed as Josh Belmore of Caires Sports beat an admittedly less-than committed Steven Williams with a neat piece of skill to score, and turned away from the pitch to readjust his headgear. He was, he knew, a rather disturbing sight these days, however familiar his new look now was from a thousand television appearance. His deep-set eyes poked just over the mask, while a light scar on the left side of his forehead offered a tantalising suggestion of the injuries that were now hidden to the world. It also served a dual purpose – or purposhe, more accurately – of muffling his speech in a gratifyingly sinister manner.

The general consensus among the islands’ football fans and pundits was that it was all for show, worn for that very purpose of making the midfielder seem an even more imposing figure. Few really had much idea of the damage you could do to an unprotected face with a bladed football boot smashing into it with the full force a well-muscled human arm could muster.

Corradini ran the fingers of his right hand across his unshaven chin and along grooved cheeks to make the Mayo valley blush. God, he was tired. He was twenty-nine, not that much older than Belmore and the other boys, not really, not compared to Loren Meyer and the rest of her lot… But he’d seen O’Sullivan Caras, his own hero really, disfigured for life thanks to the simple mindless selfishness of Damien Sono, curse his name. He’d seen what happened to his fellow Candelariasians who crossed one line of questioning too many. He’d seen three hundred people from his home city ripped apart in the space of twenty minutes. And heaven only knew what had happened to Lorenzo De Wilde. And now this, his face… They’d lifted the Cup of Harmony even so, but Corradini had felt along way from celebrating it all, trapped forever behind his mask.

“Skipper…”

“Hmm…?”

Craig Coy coughed nervously. “Kris and Andy are wondering if you’d spare five minutes with Spens and Frankie…?”

“Hmm…?”

“Um… Spencer Jones and Francesco Avola…? The holding midfielders? A masterclass from the best of the best, y’know…?”

“Right, right…”

The young left-winger frowned. “Are you alright, cap…?”

Corradini allowed the mask to drop back down, and he turned to meet eyes with Coy. “I’m fine, Craig, yeah… I just…”

“Yeah?”

The Albrecht FC and C&M captain sighed. “Don’t repeat this Craig, but I’m telling you this… When I get my hands on Robert Golos, and we’re bound to play Rennidan against eventually, I’ll…” He left the sentence hanging.

Coy bit his lip.

“Um… Have you… have you seen the news at all, since you got back from Kosovoe?”

“What? No, we had the Port of Clotaire game to prepare for… fat lot of good that that did us…”

The boy scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, which I still maintain nobody does outside of soap operas, but whatever.

“Perhaps you should… Matt, skipper. Sir. Really.”


***

“All right, now you try!” María Córdoba exclaimed toothily. Her old friend smiled and breathed deeply.

“Yes… Yes… Yes, I think I’m getting something…”

“¡Excelente! And what they says to you?”

“They’re quiet… I think… I think an ‘E’, perhaps…”

“Sí, sí…”

“Ed… Edward?” the other woman said doubtfully.

“Casi… Keep trying!”

“Ed… Eddie…? Ed… Edna? Is it Edna?!”

María clapped her wrinkled hands together in pure joy.

“Am I right then?”

“Completely right, Edna! Oh, I truly wish I had your gift!”

Edna Britten grinned bashfully. “Oh well, you know… I’m just a condoowit, Mary. And remember, only last week, they told you about that man… What was…?”

“Oh, my husband, yes! Yes, that was a surprise, I must say. All these years I’d thought I was just a spinster, then the spirits tell me about him, and the memories just well back up!”

“Oh, so you’ve remembered some more, then?”

“Well… Sí… I think perhaps… Though I think this one was a different man… bigger…”

The old women cackled to themselves in their little corner, while the more sombre members of the Castellano Hills Spiritualism Centre tried their best to ignore the two Alzheimer’s sufferers playing at a serious business as always. Curiously, for once, they had a companion, another old Hispanic woman who had been assiduously stirring a cup of tea for some twenty minutes. María and Edna suddenly appeared to notice her properly for the first time.

“Are you alright there?” Edna smiled at her. “¿Es usted allí todo derecho?”

The woman merely smiled back and proffered up the cup.

“Ooh, don’t mind if I do…”

Mrs Britten sipped happily, while the new woman took a handful of cigarettes from a pocket and tossed them nonchalantly onto the table. Edna licked at her lips, thoughtfully.

During the more lucid moments in her final five years, María Córdoba did wonder why, in all the time she had whiled away in the company of Edna Britten, only once had her eyes rolled to the back of her head, and she had started muttering about saddlin’ up the bronco and moseying on back t’the ranch. I wish I knew how t’quit you, Alejandro, she had whispered mournfully, before juddering in her chair.

And the funny thing was, the third woman had just sat and watched and smiled, and even when Edna had burst out in a fit of giggles before asking, in a voice not of her age, when the Tylwyth Teg were going to take her back home to mammy and papa in Lesperance, she had just nodded and whispered, “Strange… But the Crianças never lie.”

“¿Perdón?” María had whispered, as Edna blinked and tapped her cup.

“Well, I must say, you do make a lovely pot of tea, Missus…?”

“Dona. And thank you, Mrs Britten. It was most lovely to meet you.”

“You’re leaving so soon?” Edna asked sadly.

“Oh, I have football to get to.”

“Oh. That’s nice. Me an’ Mary have Tai chi on Wednesday nights down at the Darby & Juanita.”

“It’s good to stay active,” María agreed, a glazed expression on her face. She watched Dona leave.

“Edna,” she began after a while, “Are you… Do you feel quite alright?”

“Hm? Oh yes, yes. Never better, Mary. Although…”

“¿Que?”

“I could murder some more of that there tea.”


***

Competitive though they were, and clearly an upgrade on the side they had faced in Newmanistan, Terreiro de Ogum none the less had but one hope in Arrigo – a goalless draw. Even without Bicho Grilo, the right-back presumably still arguing with the customs people back in Albrecht, the visitors’ defence held firm and remained on course for the single point. The Candelariasian crowd weren’t becoming restless just yet, but their frustration echoed the players’ in being unable to break down the men and women marshalled every step of the way by the little man in the funky shades.

Some of the C&M team had mentioned the rumours that Menezez was as blind as a bat, which seemed somewhat implausible but… well… compared to the talking mice, for example…?

Eighty minutes gone and Matteo Corradini was flagging, they all were, with seventy-five percent possession in the baking sun. Cas Richardson and Ryan Edwards were on, injecting a bit of freshness, but they too were having little effect against their less-than-reckless opponents.

The captain, having slowed down to walking pace, took the ball forwards once more… and stopped. In the blink of an eye, the footballer’s brain whirred into action, spotting a gap in the traffic that a curling shot might just be able to expose.

He picked his spot and whacked the ball with every inch of strength and willpower left in him, towards Bibah’s goal. At the last moment, it swerved just a little and nestled in the top corner.

“And that one’s for you, Robert,” Corradini whispered to himself as the rest of the C&M players rushed joyfully towards him, “If it helps at all…”

FC Kerlagrad were never all that good, really, but they opened up Borchag Arena anyway a week after Yurri's seventh birthday. Rovers United were coming through, and it was an excuse to celebrate. In one of Zwangzug's first conditional discounts, a local restaurateur said that if either team scored in injury time, fans could bring their ticket stub to get free kebabs.

The game wasn't over, strictly speaking, when Yurri and his family left, but four goals down Kerlagrad were out of it. But he never gave up on his stadium. Even when the club disbanded, even when it grew old, it still meant something.

And finally, his patience was rewarded. The Cup of Harmony came to Zwangzug. When co-hosts Newmanistan played fifth seeds Kosovoe, a stadium was required neither too grandiose or too mediocre. It was found in Kerlagrad, and Yurri recruited as stadium announcer.

Kosovoe won in an upset, 2-1. It was even more entertaining than watching the Rovers get held to a draw, and when Kosovoe's team returned to Zwangzug, Yurri eagerly volunteered to announce again.

"And here are your starting lineups! For the Kosovoe Blue Tornado, starting in goal, number double zero, Aximili-Rider-no relation to the Isthill dynasty? No? Hmm...

...number thirty-five, Muus Jurin!"

Scattered applause wasn't enough for Yurri. "Aw, let me hear you! See, you all yell "Muus", but it sounds like you're booing him, but you're not really?"

Some laughter. "Forget it. Try again when Bettia come. Also starting at Zwangzug, number thirty, Rohit Sharma!"

The Blue Tornado looked a different side from the team that had lost 5-0 at home to Candelaria And Marquez. Heart and soul (though not Seoul), they fought their way to a twenty-sixth minute goal. "Goal for Kosovoe," Yurri intoned. "It's Ossi Euro, assisted by Griffin Myers."

At halftime, Yurri paced around the press box. "Why didn't anybody invite me to the Baptism of Fire?"

"No idea who you were?" suggested a frantic-looking graphic maker.

Yurri harrumphed. "Wouldn't have wanted to announce the Ashlen matches anyway. Oppressing their protectorate like that, no wonder they revolted."

"Hastens along the national pastime too, doesn't it?"

Yurri shrugged.

Football had the paradoxical tendencies to drag on actionlessly or skip along uninterrupted. For Yurri, the game passed at an appropriate rate until the fifty-seventh minute. "Goal for Zwangzug! Rohit Sharma, assisted by Muus Jurin."

"Assist", strictly speaking, wasn't the best word. Muus shot, it thundered off the goalpost, and Rohit headed it in. Nevertheless, the fans deserved some practice.

More than they'd get against Bettia, at that rate. Maybe those were Rovers United fans he heard, spread throughout the stadium.

Yurri scowled at them anyway.

http://i280.photobucket.com/albums/kk176/rennidan/Logo-3.png

Rennidan: Matchday Three Preview.

RENNIDAN versus KELSSEK

Expected Attendance: These are turbulent times for Rennidan. Firstly, I wish to offer my condolences to all of those affected by the events of Flight 109. I know that there is controversy behind the choice of keeping Rennidan in the World Cup running, but I myself am glad that the Eagles are choosing to keep a strong front to such harsh winds of change.

The new Rennidan line up is youthful and full of energy, but lacking, and this is perhaps the most important point, greatly in experience. Most of these players have never even played a full match for their domestic teams, and whilst I am not expecting Rennidan to even qualify after recent events, I just hope they don't get, to put it lightly, thrashed.

Their opponents, the formidable Kelssek, are walking on clouds following their 1-0 defeat of Qazox, the team that wrecked Rennidan 4-1 in the opening match. I am loathe to say that Rennidan don't stand a chance here but, looking at the teams, it must be said.

I just hope that the new line up realizes that they are not destined for greatness this World Cup, or even the next. They will have to train and play hard to make a difference, and I hope they have the heart to do so.

News Article: Rockport Illuminator – Notes From the Abyss

Off Day is Taken Off.


Random notes from the day of inaction and quarantine for the Arrozan National Soccer team.

Changes in the lineup: While the 4-4-2 will remain in effect, several changes will occur due to the results of the Prux zombie fiasco and training practices put in place by coach Gaynor. The lineup against Land De Wood will be as follows:

GK: Quintero
DEF: Knox – Rios – Sherard – Alavanha (Tadeu Terra injured in practice)
DM: Chevalier
Wings: Barrow – Parrish (Mahaffey hurt in practice)
AM: Smythe (Camp quarantined due to zombies)
F: Kandji – Lancaster

Oddities: All 6 games played so far in Group 9 have been shotouts. Here’s to hoping we can shut out Land de Wood tomorrow in Atalanta.

Preview: Land de Wood (98)
Due to the squad’s depleted status, Arroza will be playing with a lot of subs tomorrow. However, I doubt that Land de Wood has played a team that gets as physical as the Tar Hornets. What remains to be seen is whether the Black and Whites are actually going to play some soccer to go with their physicality, or just run around kicking things at random. We think Coach’ll have the boys ready to go, especially fot the home opener.

Arroza 2 – Land de Wood 0

"So what should we do on a bye day anyway?"

"Denounce someone for heresy?"

"Oooooooooh! Marvellous idea!"

FROM: THE HOLY SYNOD OF THE ARCHREGIMANCY
TO: THE NATIONS OF ORDINARY REALITY
RE: THE NON-CHALCEDONIAN HERESIES OF MAGNA SANCTA SEDES

Dear Brothers and Sisters in Christ, heretics, heathens and atheists.

It has come to our attention that the deluded so-called 'Roman Catholics' of the nation of Magna Sancta Sedes believe themselves to have pre-eminent power of ecclesiastical jurisdiction over those churches which follow the apostolic succession. We shall not dwell on the self-evident fact that there have been so many 'popes' with conflicting claims of jurisdiction over the Roman Catholics that have participated in the World Cup that these poor schismatics could be forgiven for wondering which Freemason-loving monarchical heretic they should turn to. No, instead we shall use certain canons of the Fourth Ecumenical Council to prove the nature of the heresies of this benighted satan-worshipping nation.

Behold:

1: We have deemed it right that the canons hitherto issued by the saintly fathers at each and every synod should remain in force.

Yet the schismatics of Magna Sancta Sedes have seen fit to unilaterally add to those canons through the non-ecumenical addition of the filioque to the creed.


3 It has come to the notice of the sacred synod that some of those enrolled in the clergy are, for sordid gain, acting as hired managers of other people's property, and are involving themselves in worldly business, neglecting the service of God, frequenting the houses of worldly persons and taking over the handling of property out of avarice. So the sacred and great synod has decreed that in future no one, whether a bishop, a cleric or a monk, should either manage property or involve himself as an administrator of worldly business, unless he is legally and unavoidably summoned to take care of minors, or the local bishop appoints him to attend, out of fear of the Lord, to ecclesiastical business or to orphans and unprovided widows and persons in special need of ecclesiastical support. If in future anyone attempts to transgress these decrees, he must be subject to ecclesiastical penalties.

No doubt the schismatics considered their demonically-possessed popes of Rome to be exempt from this clause during that sordid episode some call 'the renaissance'.


9 If any cleric has a case to bring against a cleric, let him not leave his own bishop and take himself off to the secular courts, but let him first air the problem before his own bishop, or at least, with the permission of the bishop himself, before those whom both parties are willing to see act as arbiters of their lawsuit. If anyone acts in a contrary fashion, let him be subject to canonical penalties. If a cleric has a case to bring either against his own or against another bishop, let him bring the case to the synod of the province. If a bishop or a cleric is in dispute with the metropolitan of the same province, let him engage either the exarch of the diocese or the see of imperial Constantinople, and let him bring his case before him.

Perhaps the schismatics of Magna Sancta Sedes would like to explain how this canon, the validity of which has never been under dispute by Orthodox or schismatic, provides their 'pope' with jurisdiction of appeal over the Ecumenical Patriarch - or indeed any other bishop of the church collegial.


15 No woman under forty years of age is to be ordained a deacon, and then only after close scrutiny. If after receiving ordination and spending some time in the ministry she despises God's grace and gets married, such a person is to be anathematised along with her spouse.

While we admittedly find the idea mildly distasteful, clearly women can be ordained to the diaconate. The schismatics absolutely refute this ruling of what even they accept is a full ecumenical council imbued with the Holy Spirit.


16 It is not permitted for a virgin who has dedicated herself to the Lord God, or similarly for a monk, to contract marriage. If it is discovered that they have done so, let them be made excommunicate. However, we have decreed that the local bishop should have discretion to deal humanely with them.

We don't think either side seriously disagrees with this one. We just wanted to repeat it.

18 The crime of conspiracy or secret association is entirely prohibited even by the laws of the land; so all the more properly is this forbidden in the church of God. So if any clerics or monks are found to be either forming a conspiracy or a secret society or hatching plots against bishops or fellow clergy, let them lose their personal rank completely.

As the entire Roman Catholic schismatic church is a conspirational secret association - something which is even acknowledged by corrupt novelists of their foul Western tradition - the papists are clearly in violation of canon 18.

20 As we have already decreed, clerics who are serving a church are not permitted to join a church in another city, but are to be content with the one in which they were originally authorised to minister, apart from those who have been displaced from their own country and been forced to move to another church. If subsequent to this decision any bishop receives a cleric who belongs to another bishop, it is decreed that both the received and the receiver are to be excommunicate until such time as the cleric who has moved returns to his own church.

It therefore stands to reason that any attempt by the schismatics to welcome disaffected clergy of other denominations is in violation of canon 20, thereby causing automatic excommunication of the heretic Romans

27 The sacred synod decrees that those who carry off girls under pretext of cohabitation, or who are accomplices or co-operate with those who carry them off, are to lose their personal rank if they are clerics, and are to be anathematised if they are monks or layfolk.

Again, neither side seriously disputes this canon. We simply thought it bore repeating.


28 Following in every way the decrees of the holy fathers and recognising the canon which has recently been read out--the canon of the 150 most devout bishops who assembled in the time of the great Theodosius of pious memory, then emperor, in imperial Constantinople, new Rome -- we issue the same decree and resolution concerning the prerogatives of the most holy church of the same Constantinople, new Rome. The fathers rightly accorded prerogatives to the see of older Rome, since that is an imperial city; and moved by the same purpose the 150 most devout bishops apportioned equal prerogatives to the most holy see of new Rome, reasonably judging that the city which is honoured by the imperial power and senate and enjoying privileges equalling older imperial Rome, should also be elevated to her level in ecclesiastical affairs and take second place after her. The metropolitans of the dioceses of Pontus, Asia and Thrace, but only these, as well as the bishops of these dioceses who work among non-Greeks, are to be ordained by the aforesaid most holy see of the most holy church in Constantinople. That is, each metropolitan of the aforesaid dioceses along with the bishops of the province ordain the bishops of the province, as has been declared in the divine canons; but the metropolitans of the aforesaid dioceses, as has been said, are to be ordained by the archbishop of Constantinople, once agreement has been reached by vote in the usual way and has been reported to him.

The papist schismatics unilaterally reject this canon. Or at least they did until 1215, when they temporarily controlled Constantinople, at which point they accepted it after all. Which is rather inconsistent. The schismatics are so confused that first of all they unilaterally attempted to void a single canon of an ecumenical council imbued with the Holy Spirit, and then 750 years later decided that maybe they retrospectively accepted the entirety of the canons after all, but only because they had sacked, burned, looted the greatest city in Christendom and sat a prostitute upon the Patriarchal throne.

And these are the sort of people who would claim jurisdiction over the entire church?


Because of these, and myriad other reasons, not least of which is that they have attempted to steal our favourite Fathers among the Saints, we proclaim the Catholic Church of Magna Sancta Sedes - whichever one of the myriad popes of Rome they claim to follow - to be a church of heretical schismatics, and pronounce ANATHEMA upon them, and that this ANATHEMA shall rest upon them until they return to the one true church.

Defeating them on the field of play during the qualifiers for World Cup 42 shall provide us with particular pleasure.

Yours in Christ

The Holy Synod of the Archregimancy +

"Kereca? Ve-a cun't beet Kereca?"

"Vell, ve-a vere-a pleyeeng evey, ve-a scured tvu - a lufely brece-a frum Moontunes - und iff oooor deffence-a deedn't necessereely huld, ve'fe-a neguteeeted a putenteeel bununa skeen, ve're-a steell undeffeeted, und ve-a hefe-a a +8 guell deefffference-a. Ell effter oonly tvu gemes. Su furgeefe-a me-a, oold freeend, iff I pueent oooot thet ve're-a nut dueeng tuu bedly."

"Irrr.... vhy ere-a yuoo telkeeng leeke-a thet?"

"Leeke-a vhet?"

"Vell, leeke-a sume-a surt ooff mootunt Svede-a. Vhet's veet ell ooff zeese-a 'bork, bork, bork, borks'?"

"I cun't heer unytheeng."

"Vell, I cun Jooun, und I hefe-a tu edmeet thet it's meeldly.... deestoorbing."

"Perheps... nu. It cun't be-a."

"Vhet?"

"Vell, Seemeune-a, I hete-a tu edmeet it, boot veet ell ooff zee pooer huldeeng zee purtels in plece-a, sumeteemes zeere's a leettle-a reeleety iddy fur peuple-a vhu pess thruoogh zeem - leeke-a ve-a deed oon zee retoorn frum Kereca."

"Vheech meuns?"

"Vheech meuns thet ve-a meeght be-a stoock telkeeng leeke-a thees fur zee rest ooff zee vurld coop."

"Boot I thuooght thees ves sooppused tu be-a a sereeuoos tuoornement, veet a sereeuoos teem!!!!"

"It is, oold freeend. Nu mure-a blemcmunges. Nutheeng boot tup pleyers. It's joost us thet's telkeeng a beet foonny, thet's ell."

"Welcome to the Kenneth Kendall Stadium, where a crowd of...well, about twelve thousand...are about to witness Wentland versus Roddysville, the second World Cup qualifying match..."

This was madness, thought the Chairman. There were normally fifty thousand for internationals. Indeed there were seventeen thousand for a reserve match the previous day. Where was everyone?

Even the crowd seemed muted. Not much noise coming from the faithful. It was a fairly humdrum 3-1 victory and even when Wentland were pegged back to 2-1 there was not much danger. The team just went up the other end and restored the two goal lead and played out the game.

At the final whistle the players left the pitch to modest applause, but a lot of the crowd had gone home when the 2 minutes of injury time had been displayed. The players could only muster a half-hearted acknowledgment of those attending and trooped off, shirts half-swapped.

The Chairman was not impressed. Revenue for this match would hardly reach six figures. Television had not bothered to get into a bidding war and WBC was showing it for rock-bottom prices. The press room spent most of the time talking about Crowhurst's sudden run of form and Warpstone's continental adventures. The match was incidental and treated as such.

What was going on? Perhaps a Meeting would sort this out. Yes, a Meeting. That would sort everything.

In all honesty, there was little to complain about so far. Yes, losing the opening match of qualifying at Ellime e Vephrall is always disappointing, but you have to consider the opposition. Most reasonably sane fans would be fine with a 2-1 loss to Starblaydia.

And after all, nobody could say the team hadn't made up for it in the second match.

Upper management at Tociast was certainly patting itself on the back after renewing their contract with the VFR for live television rights to the qualifying matches. A very respectable performance against Starblaydia combined with the prospect of playing another set of former world champions (albeit a very, very long time in the past) produced what was unquestionably the largest TV audience for a match against an unranked opponent in Vephrese history. Of course, said management was a little less enthusiastic toward the end of the five-nil blowout when the match became a foregone conclusion and everyone switched over to VTV and MTN, but it was fun while it lasted.

Europa Brittania 0
VEPHRALL 5 (Tesaire 5, 61; Scathock 67; Langis 72; Phootid 80)
substitutions: Gackbang <-58-> Prarbens; Pranasik <-66-> Cinerne; Phootid <-74-> Scathock

NEXT MATCH
Vephrall (1-0-1) v Bye (?-?-?)
Location: TBA
TV coverage: TBA; check local listings
Preview: Vephrall's opponents have already played Europa Brittania and Jeru FC, though strangely we have been unable to find the results. We can't find them in the official rankings either, so we must assume they're unranked. Based on that, this shouldn't be difficult at all.
Experts' prediction: Vephrall will not win or lose, and yet somehow won't draw either. Call it a gut feeling.

So the Woodpeckers first ever home international took place at The Coallands against a bunch of Zombies. The crowd was a record 49,567 (well I guess being our first home game it had to be a record)
To be honest our lads looked a bit scared out there and allowed the opposition far too much room but who can blame them.
The player known as "Triple Z" scared even Larry Derby, on his way through to goal. Meanwhile Zombie Just Fontaine was equally scary elsewhere as he grabbed two goals.
Mind you "Triple Z" did get a bit carried away and was sent off by the referee when he bit him.
We would like to question whether their plan to play their head coach is legal? Surely he needed to be registered as a player before the game began?
Gary Workhorse was probably our best player working hard in the middle even if there was little to show for it.

So looking ahead to our next match it is going to be another tough game away to Arroza. They also lost 3-0 to Prux and we might just be able to sneak a result against them.

The team for our next game will be:
Formation: 4-3-1-2

Patrick Clemence
Ray Hammil Gary Lewis David Aimer Woodrow Derby
Aaron Whitemore Gary Workhorse Steve Redrow
Ray Horse
Gary Hoggins Richard Higgins


So Aimer is in for Diddon in defense, meanwhile Aaron Whitemore returns from suspension and replaces Larry Derby with Tom Darkless being dropped for the returning Ray Horse back from injury.
Can Ray Horse's return give the team the boost they need?

When you are with friends after work... you need something to make you relaxed...

When you are in a party... you need something to make you feel confident...

When you are at home... you need something to feel good...

When you are in the stadium... you need something to make you happier, even if your team is losing...

When you are in a bar after discovering that your wife wasn't loyal to you, but to all the men and women in the neighbourhood... you need something to forget that...

For all the situations, you can have Canabrava Cachaça.

And it is Canabrava Cachaça, the best cachaça in the world, that presents you the MD03 RP cutoff.

MD 03 Results here (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13947384&postcount=5)

QBC WORLD CUP 42 COVERAGE

"Hello all, I'm John Cadding, Beck Davidham is still battling the Newmanistani Flu and will not be here for the next couple of matches. You've just watched Qazox 'thirilling 3-2 comeback Over the over-rated Quakmybush side. While the Pheonix have come through the hard part of the schedule with an 1-0-1 record, most are disspointed that we didn't at least get a draw in Kelssek. Onto the hightlights, now shall we?

Minute 17:
"The Quakmybush player, whose name I can't find on the score sheet, has just scored to make it 1-nil in favor of the visitors. Sloppy play by Russ Heberly there allowed the visiting player to slip by and score the opening goal of this match."


"While the home side started out sloppy, the early momentum gained by Quakmybush was carried forwards just a few moments later...

Minute 23:
"The Quakmybush player , whose name I still can't find on the score sheet, has just scored again, this time to make it 2-nil in favor of the visitors. Russ Heberly, once again allows the opposition to slip by him and Ryan Greenley has seen enough and is sending in Olivia St. Louis here in the 23rd minute, a rather early subsitution. Perhaps this could be a spark for the team or a cry of desperation."


"Down 2-nil and taking out a defender, Qazox looked like they could be folding up early, but this team managed to get back in it thanks to a big Quakmybush error...

Minute 42:
"And Kallie Jaus has been taken down hard and she's clutching her knee. And Quakmybush's defender has been shown a red card. Now the Phoenix have an 11-10 manpower advantage for the rest of the game, but the bigger news is Kallie Jaus and she is being taken off the pitch and Yolanda Christian is coming in to take her place.


"The good news, is at half-time Jaus' injury turned out to be a minor ankle sprain, and she should be good to go in the next match. Down 2-0, but with a man advantage, Qazox began it's comeback...

Minute 48:
"Anderson Tarricone makes it 2-1 here early in the 2nd half, thanks to a great pass from Christian and it looks like Quakmybush is getting a bit tired being a man down."


"As the match continued, the Pheonix continued to use the man-advantage and just slowly ran the Quakmybush defense to shreds...

Minute 62:
"Still 2-1, but Qazox has just dominated this 2nd half so far. Valladores over to Tarricone, back for Christian, over to Spingler. Spingler shoots and GOOOOALLL! Stevie Spingler from 25 yards out and the ball just skipped pst the keeper and we are tied at 2-2!"


"With the score tied, the Quakmybush coach subbed in 2 fresh defenders, but the damage had been done, and Valladores provided the nail...

Minute 67:
"Tied 2-2 and Quakmybush has 2 new defenders in, but maybe its too little to late. Maria Cruz-Preli with the throw-in, to Spingler, over to Valladores, back for Cruz-Preli, over to Tarricone, who takes it deep , covered by a defender over to valladores and GOOOOOOAAALLL! Renna Valladores has made it 3-2 here as Qazox has comeback from a 2-0 halftime deficit to lead. The redcard against Quakmybush has cost them this game."


"This marks Qazox' first win vs. Quakmybush, in fact, the so far the only win between the two sides ever, as the two previous ones were each draws. After a 2-0-1 start against the top three sides, the next three matches against the weaker sides of the group will probably allow the Phoenix to gain some breathing room atop the group.

Up next is a trip to Kanji Starter. Not much is known about this team, other than they start Kanjis, whatever they are. For all of us here at QBC, have a good night."


QAZOX Goals:
Jaus: 2
Valladores: 2
Tarricone: 1
de Olivares: 1
Spingler: 1

Green Wombat Daily Tattler

After the long trip back from Valanora, Green wombat took on Demot, world powers in their own right, and were beaten 3-1. The high point of the day was Pauline Utley's goal in the 27th minute to make it 1-0, But two goals from Demot's Julius Rotherwell made it 2-1 Demot at the half, and a late goal by Insaki Roma finished it off.

Up next is a trip to West Zirconia, who are winless so far in qualifying. This is the type of game the Wombats need to win to have any chance to qualify for the World Cup.

SCHEDULE:
MD1: vs. Ron Paulovia WIN 3-2
MD2: @ Valanora Draw 3-3
MD3: vs. Demot Lost 1-3
MD4: @ West Zirconia
MD5: BYE
MD6: vs. Central Prestonia
MD7: @ Blouman Empire
BYE DATE
MD8: @ Ron Paulovia
MD9: vs. Valanora
MD10: @ Demot
MD11: vs. West Zirconia
MD12: BYE
MD13: @ Central Prestonia
MD14: vs. Blouman Empire

GOALS:
Utley: 3
Blessing: 2
Henke: 1
Wilcox: 1

Hamburger Hill Herald

Greal came into Prux alive, and left alive, as they basically forfeited the match, taking the team off the field with 7 minutes to go. While Dr. Mkembe scored twice, the zombies were very effective, as Greal just stood there for the entire match, resulting in a record 98% to 2% possession time for Prux. But there is bad news. We travel to Bazalonia next and they have ways to deal with zombies, but perhaps Dr. Mkembe has a trick up his sleeve?

Schedule:
vs. Arroza WIN 3-0 (1-0-0 record)
@ Land de Wood WIN 3-0 (2-0-0 record)
vs. Greal WIN 2-0 (3-0-0 record)
@ Bazalonia
vs. Nuevos Aires
@ Bostopia
BYE
@ Arroza
vs. Land de Wood
@ Greal
vs. Bazalonia
@ Nuevos Aires
vs. Bostopia
BYE

Prux' Goals:
Zombie Pelé: 2
Zombie Just Fontaine: 2
Dr. Mkembe: 2
Zombie Ronaldo: 1
Zombie Zinedine Zidane: 1

Dancougar News!!
Even Vephrall plays the Bye!

Late surge steals points from Warriors: Shishio Jinguuji scored two goals in the final ten minutes, and Yuji Watanabe made eight second-half saves as the Black Wings escaped from the National Stadium with a thoroughly entertaining 3-3 draw against Milchama in qualifying group eleven.

The game looked all but over when the first half came to a close, with Milchama generating shots almost at will and constantly swinging the momentum their way. But the Wings fought back throughout the second half, winning the tense battles in midfield before finally breaking through late in the game. By that time, the Wings were playing a 3-4-3 with Shiro Furuya and Hikaru Waya both coming off the bench to make key contributions to the goals.

Then again, it's still uphill from here. The top four teams in the group all have two wins, meaning the Wings are already five points back of the cutoff zone. "It's still early," said Charles DuPont, who praised his team's fighting spirit after avoiding a repeat of the lackluster performance against Lovisa. "The time off did us some good. We took a look at what we wanted to do and made sure that we didn't give up."

It certainly didn't look that way in the first half, though! Milchama pushed forward from the opening whistle and seemed to do everything but put the ball into the net. Narayan Evans hit the post in the second minute, and Watanabe was slow to get back to his feet as the defenders cleared. Shellshocked! Then, midfielder Noach Morelia fired in a cross that Allen Varens looked sure to put home, but he jumped early and only clipped it on the way down, and the ball bounced all the way through.

"Divine intervention," said defender Sho Yukikaze after the game. "I was beat! He got inside and I saw him go up... he waits a second longer, and that thing is in."

In the 12th minute, Milchama got on the board via Kenji Miller. Miller's diagonal run into the box was picked out by Morelia, who send in a ball that Miller received in stride. Rather than let his momentum carry him past the danger zone, though, he made a wicked cut that spun Milan van der Horst, and Miller's left foot did the rest, sweeping the ball low and underneath Watanabe for the 1-0 lead.

The Wings did not mount much of a response, although Dan Potts got a clean header in the 16th that Florence Mendelbaum bobbled before falling on it. Mendelbaum can hardly be blamed for jitters in goal, having to follow the magnificent performance of the banana in the last tournament. In minute 20, Milchama made it two when Evans slipped a ball into the near post to which Watanabe reacted late.

With the home crowd starting to fall silent, the Wings finally started to pick up the pace. Lyle Dylandy, much critiqued for his inability to really apply pressure in the midfield, picked up a yellow card in the 28th for a hard foul on Evans. That started to pull the crowd into the game, as the midfield started to get more aggressive. In the 37th, Casey Berber pushed the ball up to Dylandy, who used a burst of speed to begin a counter. Dylandy fed it to Jericho Leyton in the middle and made a long run on the right. Leyton squared it to Akira Morimoto on the left, who danced around one defender and fired from the top of the eighteen. Mendelbaum saw the danger late and it bent away from the diving 'keeper to make it 2-1.

"I figured we'd give-and-go, but I'll take that!" said Dylandy, who was replaced in the second half by Waya. "That's why Jere is the leader... he knows where the guys are that can make a play."

The Wings seemed to have the momentum back, and got another good chance when a Morimoto corner kick was headed just over the net by Dylandy. But in injury time, the visitors appeared to shove a dagger into the Dancougar faithful. Demetri Halforth was given a free kick from twenty five yards away and smashed it into the wall. It bounced over to Pat Karf, who sent a high cross into the box was that headed down by Varens. The defense failed to clear, and Miller pounced from point blank range to make it 3-1.

Waya was brought on at the start of the second half, and he announced his arrival with a raspy shot that Mendelbaum pushed wide for a corner. Potts misfired from inside the eighteen with a slow dribbler that Mendelbaum grabbed tightly. Milchama allowed the Wings to attack for the opening fifteen minutes, with even the attackers helping out on defense.

"They were very cohesive," said DuPont. "They were forcing us to just pass it around and not make any progress." But the fans were starting to make more noise. The Horrible Hand Towels were waving. And with the Milchama offense starting to lose its tempo, the Wings started to make more confident runs at the defense. But Kevin Focus was true to his name and remained cool, turning back several attempts by Leyton to make the decisive pass.

Then again, Milchama weren't entirely out of tricks. Dancougar's renewed attack left them vulnerable to the counter. In minute 72, it almost happened - a three-on-two sparked by Kenji Miller, with only Brandon Barclay and Yukikaze back to defend. Miller carried the ball over midfield and looked ready to pass, but he turned the ball inside and attempted to get through Barclay. The experienced defender dispossessed him, and the Wings escaped unscathed.

DuPont made his second change, bringing on the forward Furuya for defender van der Horst. The Wings were starting to feed off of the home crowd and go for goal, and in the 80th minute, the breakthrough! Waya and Leyton worked the give-and-go and he prepared to shoot. With Mendelbaum rushing to cover the goal and defenders converging, Waya poked the ball to a nearby Shishio Jinguuji, who was just sitting in a hole created by the sudden defensive shift. From six yards out, Jinguuji is money in the bank. 3-2 with ten minutes to play, and the Wings with all the momentum!

A tense moment came in the 83rd. Milchama, sensing the danger, brought on fresh attacking legs, Barrett Olimayu for Miller. Olimayu's work on Barclay earned his team a free kick just outside the penalty area. Up stepped Halforth, who'd had bad luck with free kicks all day... surely not this time! Halforth ran up and drilled the ball right into the chest of Jericho Leyton, who hit the turf while the ball bounced into touch. Nothing a little magic spray couldn't fix, and soon the Wings were back on the attack.

Morimoto sprung Waya on the right side with a long ball that he chased into the corner. He faced Focus, passing back to Berber. Berber swung a cross into the box that Furuya managed to get his head to, and Mendelbaum went up for it... and misplayed the ball! Before the 'keeper got it under control, Jinguuji was on top of the ball and tapped it into the net despite protests from the Milchaman defense. 87th minute, goal stands, and we're all tied!

"All I could think was, 'Just put it in,'" said Jinguuji. "I saw it come loose, and, heck! If you're a forward, you shouldn't even have to think that." With five minutes left to play, anything could happen. Evans had another crack at goal, but Watanabe capped a superb second half by coolly tipping it over the bar. He fisted the subsequent corner clear. The Wings had one more chance through Leyton, who attempted to find Furuya for a header only to see it sail over the striker's head.

The draw gives the Wings a single point from two games. While it isn't what they hoped for at the start of qualifiers, it's certainly not the end of the world with ten games remaining. "Hopefully we can build off of this and start picking up some wins," said DuPont. "The next two matches will be crucial."

Milchama still remain atop the group with seven points from three matches, but more telling than their record is their goal tallies. With the three goals scored by the Wings, Mendelbaum has now ceded five in three matches. This is a much poorer mark than the banana, who in World Cup 41 qualifying ceded only four goals in ten.

"It must have been the potassium," said Watanabe, who respects the banana's contributions to the position. "I hear that stuff works wonders."

World Cup 42 Factbook: A look at the Wings' next match in qualifying group eleven, brought to you by Nassin, who reminds you to shift the way you move through the world.

Opponent: Spazican States
Rank: 147
History: First Meeting

The Spazican States will play host to the first meeting between the teams, and they'll be looking to improve what is currently the group's worst record. They've let in nine goals in their three matches, all losses, but it should be noted that five of those came in the recent match against Lovisa. Actually, wait, that doesn't really do them any justice, since... ah, nevermind! While the States may not be rolling on the pitch just yet, we certainly fear for our lives should we encounter their hot-blooded warrior-king, who we hear knocked the last referee who crossed his team into a bottomless pit amid cries of "THIS... IS... SPAZICA!!!"

I've just been informed that the previous reference was quite a stretch, and we at Dancougar News will surely one day be punished by the gods of randomness. You know, like Margaret and Ian Malcolm. One sacrifices rubber chickens to the former, but how to we appease the latter? Hyperactive butterflies?
Prediction: 2-0

Match Report
Solenial 1–2 Kose and The Turkomans
Last roll of dice saves Turks Blushes
In a game when the Turks relied on late goals to save a game as at 80 minutes they were 1-0 down but with the last kick of the game they were 2-1 up and had taken top spot on the table two points ahead of Wentland who play while we have a bye. The equaliser came after a great build finished well by Tumer in the 89th minute. The winner came two minutes later from a fantastic Sinan finish right into the top corner, even the home fans showed their apreciation for the quality of the finish despite the fact he prevented them from getting their first point of the campaign. This game is also the first game when Kazim has conceeded after being well beaten from the penalty spot after Uzulmez tackled from behind but, he has never been beaten in open play.

This result was exactly what we needed as all other teams playing drew and allowed the Turks to pull away from the pack and are 5 points clear of the play off position.

Turks Rest Day
Now you'd be forgiven for thinking that the team would be relaxing at home on their bye from qualifyers, despite the fact you wrong. The Turks are on a short term camp at the millitary academy to improve on the quality of their physical game which has been where the team had been lacking in previous cups. we have seen an improvement in the fitness of our squad which is how we are now able to grab the last second goals against worn out opponents.

Top scorers
Sinan 4
Tumer 1
Serkan 1

Crunch game
There may be a reason for the intense physical training inside the Turks camp is that the game that will most likely decide the group is coming up between Wentland and The Turks, the winner will definately be favorites to qualify on top as they would be clear from the main challengers providing they kept their form consistant.

THE ROCKET REPORT

WHICH ROAD WILL THEY TAKE?

Southport, Newmanistan- The next game on the schedule is not one that should be causing fear in the supporters of the Rockets, but the sad truth is that it may be doing just that. At home, against East Ying, the team with the worst ranking in the group. Due to an unfortunate reality, there is no rest for the Rockets in a game like this. Since World Cup 40, Newmanistan’s record against the lowest seed in the group during qualifying is 2-1-1. That is not a record that works when you are trying to qualify out of a group when you yourselves are the fourth rated team of the pack. But let’s expand this further now, to Newmanistan’s record against the two worst teams in their qualifying group and include Cups of Harmony 32 and 33. That would be a record of 5-1-6. You don’t have to be a genius to figure out that this is playing a large part in not just the Rockets failure to qualify, but failure to rise of the WC rankings in the manner in which we really feel that they should be, having been #51 at the start of World Cup 41 qualifying and again number 51 at the start of this campaign. It is because of that record that Brian Carson almost lost his job. You see the Empress could accept that non-qualification aspects, but when the team is consistently leaving points on the table as that 5-1-6 record shows against teams that the Empire had a better ranking then, well, that is something entirely different. She gave Carson another chance by virtue of his getting the team to play well enough in the Cup of Harmony, but they cannot falter again in games like this.

This is one of the reasons that Carson brought in Eric Andrews to be his assistant. In recent years Andrews’ Loudon Leopards have not been the top of the table team that they have traditionally been due mainly to an inability to keep up with other teams to sign international talent. But anyway, the Leopards always seem to win the games they should, and Andrews is seen a top of the line motivator. In Oxen Cup 6, he got the Rockets to overachieve considerably as they advanced all the way to the final of that tournament. Now, with Newmanistan at a crossroads in Qualifying, there is no room for anything but a win in this match. Nothing but a win will suffice. They were impressive against Jasi-yun and lethargic against Sorthern Northland. They’ve had a bye, and now they can go in two directions. One path leads to a 2-0-1 record, that will have another path that we’ll get to in a future article against a nation that no longer exists. The other leads to a 1-1-1 or a 1-0-2 record. The results are the same as far as we’re concerned. Not just will this severely hamper (if not ruin) our chances of getting into that third place playoff (especially with the way the Northerners have begun this tournament), but it will also show that the Rockets still cannot get over this hump of winning the games that they should be winning. And most importantly, losing points that will keep us from advancing up the KPB charts in the way that we really should be.

No, my friends, there isn’t a bigger crossroads that Newmanistan can face then the one staring them down right now.

The match took place in the nation of KaMaRi. Even though the states within the 'joint representation' contributed players to the national team, the organization remained in the independent nations of KaMaRi and thus the home games remained in the KaMaRian metropolis. The match against Glaycia thus took place at a stadium of a H1SKMR team, where H1SKMR is of course: Heven mje'het sekhika kamari, which means fist league of KaMaRian soccer. More exactly: the stadium was that of Hades Lavamje.

Normally, a rather sarcastic comment which almost certainly would revolve around the stadium, the rekijonalism or the failing administration, but on this day, they all seemed to have enjoyed a bit of common sense. Maybe only because the narrator lacked inspiration, the transnationals defeated the team of Glaycia easily with 2:0,

Greal World Cup 42 Match 3

Another loss. Well, things could be worse.
Prux was a tough team, and their zombies scored twice, while Greal tried to score, but had no luck. Team Captain John Igor will be on the field tomorrow in the match against Arroza. The team will be a little aggressive this time.

Team Formation

4-2-3-2

Schedule


20/8 (wed) - qualifying MD01 @ Nuevos Aires (WIN 1-0)
21/8 (thu) - qualifying MD02 vs Bostopia (LOSS 0-5)
22/8 (fri) - qualifying MD03 @ Prux (LOSS 0-2)
23/8 (sat) - qualifying MD04 vs. Arroza
24/8 (sun) - qualifying MD05 @ Land de Wood
25/8 (mon) - qualifying MD06 OFF DAY/BYE
26/8 (tue) - qualifying MD07 vs. Bazalonia
27/8 (wed) - mid-qualifying friendlies (Caf)
28/8 (thu) - qualifying MD08 vs Nuevos Aires
29/8 (fri) - qualifying MD09 @ Bostopia
30/8 (sat) - qualifying MD10 vs Prux
31/8 (sun) - qualifying MD11 @ Arroza
1/9 (mon) - qualifying MD12 vs Land de Wood
2/9 (tue) - qualifying MD13 OFF DAY/BYE
3/9 (wed) - qualifying MD14 @ Bazalonia

"Three... straight... victories."

"Is there some kind of explanation for this?" inquired Mark Tupper.

"What... what do you mean? It's good, isn't it?"

"Good. Yes. But too good. It's like we're being baited into some kind of trap. Like how they trap tigers by digging a hole and covering it with branches and leaves and putting a big fat deer or something there, and then the tiger falls into the hole and becomes very irate and the hunters shoot it in the head and then get arrested by the park rangers and stuck in jail for killing endangered species, and this being a jail of course there are non-consensual butt parties going on, so in summation, traps not good."

The coaching staff paused to consider the possibility that their general manager had become psychotic, but they'd heard crazier, so they let it go.

"I want to play a 5-3-2 next match. I don't like this trap thing."

A gasp of alarm went up.

"Boss, surely... not a 5-3-2?!"

"Why?"

"That formation is haunted."

"Mmm. That's a good point. We'll have to settle for 4-2-2-2. Usually I roll dice to settle these kinds of things, though."

Jeruselem Government News

Jeruselem win despite snowstorm!

Icy Cold Death Touch turned up to Jeruselem and brought the weather with them. Jeruselem isn't known for it's cold weather but an unexpected snowstorm hit Jerusalem city. Officials considered cancelling the game, but all home games are crucial. Officials got the fieled cleared of snow before the game since the grass at the Dazza Dallas Stadium tends to die in cold conditions.

Stadium owner Dazza Dallas said "Hey, it's not supposed to snow during summer. I blame climate change! I'm not going to put a roof on my stadium, it's too expensive."

More snow hit the stadium making the field wet and cold but the drainage kept the pitch relatively non-soggy. Icy Cold Death Touch started the better but could not convert their chances. The Jeruselem team found it hard going, not being used to cold and wet conditions on a wet field. The Jeruselem fast game was abandoned since players had trouble passing with accuracy.

Jeruselem went into the 2nd half locked at 0-0 but Jenny Sloan got the game going scoring from a header after her marker slipped and fell, leaving Jenny to have good header. Coss Cohen increased the pain with a rare goal from a free kick, with the Icy Cold Death Touch team being sluggish to react. Na Ling scored the final goal, with the Satanists being slack marking Ling thinking he was just a stupid useless Asian. The Jeruselem midfield didn't have much impact due to the conditions not suiting their style of play.

The Satanists brought the weather with them but the Princesses were ones to hold their Kool and win in adverse weather conditions. None of Jeruselem girls streaked due to the cold weather. Jeruselem continue to prove they aren't just a bunch of girls. 3-0 win, their best so far. Jacinta Sallad amused the crowd attempting to swim in the field, but there wasn't enough water.

Magna Sancta Sedes stunned Kiryu-Shi with 3-1 win and claimed 2nd spot behind Jeruselem in the group. God must be giving the two Catholic nations a lucky run. Sel Appa stumbled again! The Archregimancy beat the Turtles to push them to 2nd last in the group. In fact, all Godly teams in Group 1 are doing well with Sel Appa having a shocker so far - 1 point at home against Jeruselem.

Jeru FC got the points against KaMaRi, 2-1. Last game was bye and rest did our team good. The Cannons are still behind due to a draw on match day 1 and the bye.

Our leader, King Richard I of Jeruselem watched the game with his wife Kate Dallas. Afterwards they left the game for "dirty" holiday overseas leaving the two Princesses in charge of Jeruselem. This leads to the question - is Dazza Dallas in charge of Jeruselem by proxy?

Princess Marie-Antoinette Dallas later complained
"There goes my free time on Sunday. How is a girl supposed to have a bit of rest? I'll have stop partying for a while."

Princess Jacinta Sasha Dallas said
"Cool, people won't call me stupid for a while! If they do, I can throw them in prison!"

Group 1
The Archregimancy 2–1 Sel Appa
Magna Sancta Sedes 3–1 Kiryu-Shi
Jeruselem 3–0 Icy Cold Death Touch

Group 12
Jeru FC 2–1 KaMaRi

World Cup Qualification - Group 1
MD1: vs Sel Appa (2-0)
MD2: @ Icy Cold Death Touch (0-0)
MD3: vs Kiryu-shi (3-1)
MD4: @ Ixania
MD5: -bye-
MD6: vs Jeruselem
MD7: @ The Archregimancy
MQ: TBD
MD8: @ Sel Appa
MD9: vs Icy Cold Death Touch
MD10: @ Kiryu-shi
MD11: vs Ixania
MD12: -bye-
MD13: @ Jeruselem
MD14: vs The Archregimancy
PQ: vs The Holy Empire (@ TBD)

Dorme lo 'ngegno tuo, se non estima
per singular cagione esser eccelsa
lei tanto e sì travolta ne la cima.

E se stati non fossero acqua d'Elsa
li pensier vani intorno a la tua mente,
e 'l piacer loro un Piramo a la gelsa,

per tante circostanze solamente
la giustizia di Dio, ne l'interdetto,
conosceresti a l'arbor moralmente.

The Cardinals entered into the room, while Pope HONORIFICABILITVDINITATIBVS held the one document that was causing a fury among the community. The Schimatics of the Dream Realm - the Archregimancy - had published a statement criticizing Rome for its inability to hold to the Council of Chalcedon. "If any one needs to be criticized, it is they!" The one statement caused a roar among the College of the Cardinals.

"Peace!" The Pope was going to have little of this. "It is apparent that our introduction into the World Cup of Football has taken us directly into dogmatic confrontation with the non-conformists. Perhaps the LORD has destined for us to settle this question once and for all, because we're now in the same football group as those non-conformists..."

"Holy Father, is it necessarily the case that a football match pitting righteous Catholicism against heretic Orthodoxy would resolve any matter of faith?"

The question sent an echo of silence. The Cardinal who voiced this question stepped into the crowd, hoping to avoid the answer. The Pope seemed to ignore the question however, because he immediately proceeded to declare that the Archregimancy is not conforming to the Chalcedonian doctrines and "... by highlighting this misconception, they not only prove their heresy, but they further commit hypocrisy by criticizing the faithful adherents to the Council."

"How do we retaliate?"

"We will excommunicate them!"

"We already did."

"But we remitted that bull..."

"Does it really count though?"

"Why shouldn't we excommunicate them?"

"Maybe we should excommunicate anyone who follows them."

"That's the same thing as excommunicating them."

"Let's invite them to dinner and then suddenly and inexplicably stab them in the back!"

That last remark sent another wave of silence among the crowd. The Cardinal who suggested this (the same who had suggested that matters of football did not necessarily resolve matters of faith) cowered once more into the crowd, aware that he was probably going to the subject of the next excommunication if he didn't keep his mouth shut.

The Pope then spoke to the College: "We will issue a Papal Bull, to be planted upon the altar of the Hagia Sophia, reading out their heresies, their hypocrisies, and their incompatible decisions of unilaterally dissecting the Holy Church, and then we will excommunicate them for their FAILure to adhere to the doctrine of the one true Church of Christ."

"Holy Father, this isn't the Baptism of FAIL anymore..."

"Oh right... Anyway, I want this Papal Bull to be prepared in time for the match against the Archregimancy. That will come in 3 days' time."

"I thought it was 4 days..."

"No, 5 days!"

"6 days!"

"Peace!" The Pope wasn't going to have a debate over the amount of time it took a bunch of cardinals to write a Papal Bull. "As long as it gets done in time for the match, because the MHRFT will be in the Dreamed Realm. And I suppose Father de Turrecremata shall have the honor and distinction of posting the very object upon the altar."

"I've heard that people who commit sacrilege against the altar are dismembered into a billion pieces instantaneously and are sent out of the Dreamed Realm with their thoughts scrambled."

"It's not like we're committing sacrilege against a Catholic altar."

"Be as it may, it's still God's altar."

"Hmmm, true..."

World Cup Qualification - Group 5
MD1: vs Gerainia (3-1) (@ Gwangdong Imperial Sports Complex and Stadium, Gwangju)
MD2: @ Ad'ihan (1-2)
MD3: vs Universitus University (3-1) (@ King Kim Iljei Memorial Football Stadium, Malnira)
MD4: @ kenavt (@ Granderson Stadium)
MD5: vs Lingdinis Insania (@ Sanhaemun Football Stadium, Jinhwangdo)
M6: @ Kura-Pelland
MD7: -bye-
MQ: vs Taeshan (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD8: @ Gerainia
MD9: vs Ad'ihan (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD10: @ Universitus University
MD11: vs kenavt (@ Goguryeo Football Stadium, Hanseong)
MD12: @ Lingdinis Insania
MD13: vs Kura-Pelland (@ Cha Beomgeun Memorial Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD14: -bye-
PQ: TBD


The operation was largely successful. The Daeweongun's heart was in better condition, and the bleeding had stopped. Still, a combination of stress, old age, and some rather bad fatty acids were causing problems on his body. He was the quintessence of "poor blood circulation". The doctor consulted Yeongmu as he described the Daeweongun's situation. "He's terribly out of shape. He might seem alright, but that's mostly because he's been living with the condition and has somehow coped with the pain. He can't walk terribly fast, and if he gets another aneurysm, it could pop anywhere in his body. We're especially concerned because it could lead to a severe heart attack or stroke. We're prescribing some analgesics to help thin the blood, but with his history of ulcers, it might prove problematic."

"I'll be sure that he takes care of himself," Yeongmu replied.

"Majesty..."

"Doctor, I think we can spare the ceremony."

"Yes, sire. Well, I'm curious about this pattern. You see, it's a common habit of your parents. Emperor Jeongmu died from a heart attack, and the Emperor Gojong himself is reputed to have had poor blood circulation. You might want to consider taking a regimen yourself."

"I'll be alright..."

"You really should be considering a regimen now. Prevention can delay the onset of blood circulation problems later in life."

"I'll talk about it later. Thank you for your advice."

"It is my pleasure, my liege." The doctor departed back into the operating room, as Chief Warrant Officer Yun arrived with more news. "Your Majesty, Captain Hwang has some reports that you might want to review."

"What reports?"

Yun handed him the reports. "These reports, sire."

Yeongmu quickly reviewed them. It was back to the islands once again. Or island, as it said in the document. A review of the AFA (Academy for Foreign Affairs) declared that the islands were terra incognita; meaning that they were fair game to claim. But they were too far away from home, so perhaps claiming wouldn't be in the interests of the Han. But where the Mujeongbu terrorists hide, the Imperial fleet would be sure to follow. "Tell Captain Hwang that he has permission to scout the island and determine what the terrorists are doing. I doubt that they could arrange any sort of real damage while on that island."

"The Seijong Daewang has arrived with the fleet. Do you want us to send an air patrol?"

"No. I want the terrorists to be absolutely surprised. If they catch onto our actions, they might destroy evidence and critical material necessary for our intelligence. Tread very carefully. Use satellites! We have a bunch of them, so get the Air Force to coordinate a satellite to track the island. If a coconut tree falls in the middle of the forest and no one else is around to see it, I want to know about it!"

Yun appeared a little offset by Yeongmu's demand. "Very well, sire." Little did he know what sort of consequences that would entail.

“Are you chicken? That’s it, you’re too scared to play on a pitch made of dirt.”

Andrew glanced down at his hand. “Human.”

They were only two matches in, but Megan had still noticed a change in her teammate. It wasn’t that being captain distanced him from the others: if anything, he yelled at them less than usual. He had new targets now, and they didn’t banter without any real reason as much anymore.

As for herself, she was excited to play in Terreiro do Ogum, even if she couldn’t get in touch with the orixás. She joined her teammates for the pregame announcements, watching the home team enter.

Reclusa quietly made her way onto the pitch, and Megan noticed Tramóia laughing in the midfield. “How long has he been out here?”

“Thirty seconds,” smiled Preto Véio. “What’s he got this time?”

A video camera, it turned out, nabbed from a woman named Marcelinha in section 110. She’d wanted to make a reality TV show about football. “It’s called watching the broadcast on TV,” said a security guard, rolling his eyes.

Megan was content with gaping at Mestre Kacet, and soon enough the game got underway. She had to guard Tramóia, which was hard enough, but it allowed all her energy to go into focusing on the game. Short taps back to Michael, who’d clear it up to Brendan. This was how so much of the match passed: quiet backpasses, no major disputes. She didn’t mind that.

As the half wore down, Rohit averted Toquinho’s offsides trap as he scrambled for Muus’s semblance of a pass. Weaving forward, he squinted and shot for goal. Zwangzug were up 1-0.

The lead meant nothing against good teams if it meant nothing against poor ones, and Megan buckled down for the second half. Natasha was a whirlwind in the midfield, however: after having gulped down half of her water bottle and spilling the other half, she motored through with more energy. Sprinting behind Megan, dashing past Brendan, and setting up Muus, who angled past Reclusa and made it 2-0.

When time ran out, Megan celebrated, high-fiving Dirk with one hand and Natasha with another. Perhaps it was excessive, but the three points had been too long coming.

If she’d turned around, she would have seen a misplaced scowl, but she didn’t.

World Cup Qualification - Group 5
MD1: vs Gerainia (3-1) (@ Gwangdong Imperial Sports Complex and Stadium, Gwangju)
MD2: @ Ad'ihan (1-2)
MD3: vs Universitus University (3-1) (@ King Kim Iljei Memorial Football Stadium, Malnira)
MD4: @ kenavt (@ Granderson Stadium)
MD5: vs Lingdinis Insania (@ Sanhaemun Football Stadium, Jinhwangdo)
M6: @ Kura-Pelland
MD7: -bye-
MQ: vs Taeshan (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD8: @ Gerainia
MD9: vs Ad'ihan (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD10: @ Universitus University
MD11: vs kenavt (@ Goguryeo Football Stadium, Hanseong)
MD12: @ Lingdinis Insania
MD13: vs Kura-Pelland (@ Cha Beomgeun Memorial Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD14: -bye-
PQ: TBD


MBC Presents...
I Love My Wife!
아내를 사랑해요

Episode 4

Jang Manchun
Oh Yeongsuk
Jang Hanseok
Jang Nayeong
Jang Taemin
Choi Dongil
Yi Minsuk

*cue intro music*

Oh Yeongsuk: *slaps Hanseok* Go get the door. Someone's knocking.

Jang Hanseok: Of course, Mom. *leaves to answer door*

Oh Yeongsuk: He comes home for several days and he doesn't do a single thing. It's like I never taught him any morals. Where did I go wrong with him? No one else in this family is as lazy as he is, and all he does is spend his time watching TV, playing that stupid computer, or listening to his music. Why doesn't he study? *sighs* He'll never be a good doctor. Even if he becomes a doctor, he's just too lazy to do a good job. And why am I worrying about it?

Jang Hanseok: *yells* I can hear you, just so you know, Mom.

Oh Yeongsuk: *glances out in the direction of Hanseok's voice* GOOD!

Jang Hanseok: *at the door* It's Minsuk!

Oh Yeongsuk: Tell her I'm not feeling well right now.

Jang Hanseok: *at the door* She's at the door.

Oh Yeongsuk: I know! I'm not feeling well.

Jang Hanseok: *returns* Are you feeling okay?

Oh Yeongsuk: I've just said twice already! I'm not feeling well.

Yi Minsuk: *enters* Oni, what's wrong?

Oh Yeongsuk: *slaps Hanseok* I told you I'm not feeling well.

Jang Hanseok: Why are you hitting me?

Oh Yeongsuk: Oh, nevermind. Just go get the barley tea. Let's go into the living. *scene transition to living room* Oh, my legs don't feel too well. I've been abusing my body for over 40 years, and I think it's telling me that just now.

Yi Minsuk: You know, I have a friend who knows a doctor. He's a licensed chiropractor and an unlicensed acupuncturist. I'm pretty sure he can help you feel better.

Oh Yeongsuk: I don't think a chiropractor can help me really. I've been abusing my body for so long that it's pointless to point the blame at any part of my body. It's like wearing a pair of shoes for so long. After a while, the whole thing just falls apart. And just like shoes, the old ones get thrown away and replaced with a new one.

Yi Minsuk: Oh, don't say that. Manchun is a good husband. At least he actually loves you. These days, it's hard to find a man who loves his wife.

Oh Yeongsuk: Well, it's not Manchun that worries me so much. After a while, he'll die too.

Jang Hanseok: *enters with fresh hot barley tea* Here you go. *departs*

Oh Yeongsuk: *stops him* Where are you going?

Jang Hanseok: My room.

Oh Yeongsuk: You should be studying.

Jang Hanseok: Of course, Mom. *leaves*

Yi Minsuk: Don't worry. Your children love you too.

Oh Yeongsuk: Right. And Taemin is just a baby. He's crying every five minutes at night, but he's silent as the grave during the daytime. It's like he's preparing to become a nocturnal animal so he can try outwitting me when he's 15.

Yi Minsuk: Oni, don't worry too much. Anyway, I came to tell you about Pak Myeongae - she's apparently moved out to Seoan with her new husband...

Oh Yeongsuk: Don't talk about the romances of young people now. You'll make me jealous.

Yi Minsuk: No, this is funny. Anyway, so Myeongae was getting out her stuff, and she looks over the sky and thinks it's going to rain. You know she has this really huge leather couch. And she panics now, because she doesn't want the couch to get really wet. So she calls her husband out from work to help her move the couch in before it rains. He tells her that it's not going to rain, but she won't have any of it.

Oh Yeongsuk: Sounds like Myeongae...

Yi Minsuk: Yeah. He actually goes home early to help her pack out her couch, and they argue over how to move the couch into the house. He says sideways, she says it'll fit through the door. Anyway, they spend about 15 minutes arguing, and they finally decide to do it his way. They spend almost an hour trying to fit it in the window. They break the window, and set off the burglar's alarm.

Oh Yeongsuk: That's pretty humorous. Breaking into their own house. What did the police say?

Yi Minsuk: Oh, the police never came. Their neighbors came over and started to marvel at how the thieves managed to get away before they could get there.

Oh Yeongsuk: You're saying that they blamed thieves? *laughs*

Yi Minsuk: Well, what was the alternative? Admit that they were stupid and get humiliated? They did right. Anyway, the reason why it's funny is because after the burglar alarm went off, the neighbors decided to help Myeongae "return" the couch to its place in the living. And they all did it her way. She was scolding her husband for at least a week after that.

Oh Yeongsuk: He might a dumb husband, but at least he got out of work to help her move the couch. Manchun wouldn't do that nowadays, although he used to do it. Oh, what about the rain?

Yi Minsuk: Well, it didn't rain. In fact, it didn't rain for almost two weeks. So while she scolded him for moving in the couch, he complained that he took an afternoon off for no reason. Still, he wasn't very bright in the first place, so how can you expect to have a good excuse?

Oh Yeongsuk: Men can be so dumb these days.

Yi Minsuk: Speaking of men, Namgyu wants me to make some party favors tonight. He's got a business party tonight, and he promised his boss some food.

Oh Yeongsuk: Why doesn't he make the food?

Yi Minsuk: He's a horrible cook, which is why I don't get why he wants to please his boss with food. If he had any common sense, he would do drinks.

Oh Yeongsuk: Yeah, drinks are so much easier. At least Manchun doesn't do parties. It makes my life more manageable, because it isn't spent cleaning after him.

Yi Minsuk: Well, I'm just wondering what kind of snacks I should make?

Oh Yeongsuk: Go to the grocery store and get some candy.

Yi Minsuk: Well, I don't want to embarrass him. It is a big party.

Oh Yeongsuk: Minsuk, you've got to teach him a lesson, or else he's going to be doing this to do for as long as you live. It's hard to make food, especially for other people. Unless you don't mind cooking...

Yi Minsuk: Oh, I don't. I like to cook, but it's just so frustrating when he does this at the last minute. I have to prepare for it, or else it isn't just as good. It's true when they say love makes a difference.

Oh Yeongsuk: Well, in my family, they'll eat anything I put on the table, regardless of whether I put any love into it. They're a bunch of wolves. *thinks for a little while* You should try mandu. It's easy to make.

Yi Minsuk: But it's fried.

Oh Yeongsuk: Boil it in water.

Yi Minsuk: Oh, that's not a bad idea. Well, then I should go prepare for it then. *gets up* Sorry that you're not feeling too well, but I hope you get better.

Oh Yeongsuk: Well, I'm feeling better now that I'm sitting down. I'd feel a lot better if Hanseok were studying for his school instead of playing that stupid computer game!

Yi Minsuk: Well, he's in college.

Oh Yeongsuk: Doesn't mean go around having fun for no reason.

Yi Minsuk: I'll see you later!

Oh Yeongsuk: Good luck tonight!


*END EPISODE 4*

"Our Lord is with us again Brother James, once more have we triumphed on the field and once more the Lord of Scores has turned his back upon our foes in a sign of our triumphs to come." Brother Monroe declared.

Coughing, the old founder of the New Oythydoxic Christian Church of Reborn Othydoxy, slowly lifted himself off his chair now aided by a cane as he was now well into his 70s and replied. "This is good, it shows our Lord has not turned away despite the weakeness of the faith of his people. Truly all of Tynelia should have turned their eyes upon Him and welcomed him into their embrace but they have not."

"That's because we have not shown our Lord's strength, made them see the truth but leaving no doubt as to our lord's power." declared Brother-Sister Emily, neice of Brother James and thought by many to be the next leader of the NOCCRO.

"It is not the true path Brother-sister Emily as i have told you many a time. Tolerance is our virtue, let us not descend to the level of the unbelievers who would use violence and ridicule to hide themselves from seeing the truth. The Lord of Scores knows when all will turn to him, it is not for us to rush His will because we ourselves are impatient."

"But surely these wins shall reveal His power?" Brother Monroe claimed oinly to be cut off with a derisive snort from Brother-sister Emily.

"If that was true then when our team went undefeated into the cup itself there should have been a mass conversion to the truth but there was but a trickle, and even that ceased when we were defeated in the knockouts. Fair weather faithful like that only side with a winner. Which is why we must show them why our Lord is better than anything they may fall back upon. Only through a victory shall His truth be seen that His path is better than anything the world may muster. Is that not so Brother James."

There was no reply and Brother Sister Emily turned to her uncle who had, during the exchange, sat back down on his chair and fallen asleep.

"Perhaps we should continue this another time Brother Sister Emily." Brother Monroe ventured.

"Yes we shall." Brother Sister Emily agreed softly before turning and leaving her uncle to his rest.

Glaycia Factbook part 2 of several

Climate and geological activity- Due to a relatively high amount of geothermal heating as a result of the volcano named Hell’s Fury, reaching some 5,500 feet above the surface to the east, the vents leading to it, in the southern part of the isle have rendered the southern regions habitable. This is in part due to Glaycia being located on a geological hotspot. As a result several natural geysers dot the landscape as well as several natural hot springs, some of which have been turned into spas to attract tourists. As an added benefit, citizens have little trouble acquiring hot water and heating at low prices.

Temperatures are generally cold though milder winds in the south bring about warmer weather year round. The northern glacier regions are dominated by cold high winds almost year round with only a slight respite in the summer months. The average temperatures in the north are usually 0 to -10C in the summer and -20 to -30C on average in the wintertime. The south coast is the warmest regions with temperatures running 12C to 18C in the summer but due to the warmer coastal winds only drop to about 0C to -8C in the winter. The eastern part of the isle is slightly warmer than the west as more of the geothermal vents can be found here while the west takes the brunt of the cold north/easterly winds. Eastern regions are only a few degrees cooler than the south (10-15C summer, -5C to -10C winter) because of this and the west coast is actually the same temperature as the northern regions though inland the temperatures will warm up more due to lingering effects of the warmer southern winds colliding with the colder blasts. The highest recorded temp is 24C and the lowest -45C

The interior and central regions of the isle have a much more uniform temperature year around as the winds from north,west and south more or less cancel each other out. Summers usually range between 3C to 8C with winters in the -8C to -13C range. The central regions will suffer occasional flooding in summers depending on how much ice melting from the northern glaciers take place. However a series of irrigation streams and dams keep the water away from the main villages.

As a side result the west and south are the wetter regions, though in the west snow is more common than rain. The east sees light to moderate mixed precipitation while the north sees snow during the spring and fall but stays fairly dry in the summer and winter. The strongest winds can be found in the north and western parts of the isle.
---------------------------------

<somewhere in Glaycia an old couple is watching the post game show>

"Well Inga we put those Star poeople out didn;t we? Another draw, they were like moving with blocks of ice tied to their feet!"

"Yes Ludden, those hot blooded people sure didn;t like the weather today."

"Why was that it was at least 5C out there today. barely cool enough for long sleeves. Kids these days, if they're not turning their skin some unhealthy shade of tan instead of a nice pale tone, then they're complaining about the cold. Why back in my day..."

"Yes dear, i was there remember."

"What? Yes of course Inga, i was just saying."

"I know you were dear. Now i wish those poor boys and girls get a win next time, they try so hard."

"Of course they will Inga, they're Glaycians, we don;t melt under the pressure!"

"As you say dear." Inga agreed sipping her tea.

---Ile de Nouveau Bostopie, somewhere---

Dear Diary

A coconut tree fell down today. At least I assume it was today. It was upright yesterday. But today, it's not. Perhaps it fell over after I left it yesterday afternoon. In the night. Perhaps those invaders did it. Which would mean they're near my camp, but they never got me.

Either way, myself and the Field Marshal began our preparations for war today. We've gathered pineapple grenades and have a healthy stockpile of two, which should be enough to repel any invaders for at least three months. We've also dug large pits and covered them with coconut palms so that invading tanks would fall in them. But we've dug exit holes so myself and the Field Marshal - who's a tank man, so I kind of trust him even though he DOES have a double-barrelled surname - can commandeer one.

The Sheridan bloke is quiet. He keeps asking me about statues of donkeys. I tell him absolutely nothing, but the Field Marshal almost slipped about the one we have in the middle of Fort Boston Plaza that we commandeered from Beningrad while on peacekeeping duties. I miss the Casarans, they'd have got us home by now. That or insisted on inventing some crazy sport involving speed-typing hamsters before leaving.

My watch is saying that we should have played three matches by now in WC qualfiying. I've been here ruddy ages. It could be worse though. The Han could be sending a flotilla. I think they're still sore about the whole cricket soup thing.

Anyway, I must dash, I have a Sortherner to annoy.

We have a point
We scored some goals

Two major headlines here for you. In our third match of our first ever world cup qualifying campaign we scored not one, not two, but three goals! This major achievement was slightly dampened by the fact we let three goals in ourselves, but who cares, we got a point for our efforts and now have some goals scored.

Goal 1: Steve Redrow made a lovely run down the left wing, crossed it in and Gary Hoggins headed home.
Goal 2: Gary Workhorse played the ball to Ray Horse who went round two defenders before launching the ball in to the top left hand corner.
Goal 3: Ray Horse was brought down on the edge of the area. Woodrow Derby's free kick was parried by the oppositions goalie straight into the pathway of Richard Higgins who just tapped it into the open net.

Arroza 3–3 Land de Wood
Man of the match: Ray Horse on his return from injury was just what the doctor ordered.
Yellow cards: Gary Workhorse, Stephen Diddon.
Injuries: Gary Workhorse felt a slight twinge in his calf.

We have an exclusive interview with goal scorer Gary Hoggins below:

Larry: Good evening Gary, how does it feel to be Land de Wood's first ever World Cup Qualifying Scorer.
Gary: It feels great, but I have to give credit to the team and especially to Steve Redrow whose fine cross led to my goal.
Larry: So are the team in high spirits now they finally got a point?
Gary: Indeed it's been a tough few games, especially for our defense, but now we've found the back of the net hopefully we can take the load of them.
Larry: Indeed, they've let three goals in, in every game.
Gary: True but if through our attackive performances we can start scoring four goals a game, we would win every game.
Larry: That's true well good luck for the next game.
Gary: Well I believe we've got a rest day so we'll be enjoying a well earned break.
Larry: Indeed, have a good rest.
Gary: Thanks.

So a good draw for our boys. They've played three of the four top seeds in the group and got one point which is more than some expected and means fourth place could still be a reality provided we can beat the two bottom seeds, while third place is still a dream.

The Archbishop of Jeruselem was with the two Princesses ...

Archbishop: If it isn't two Whores of Babylon.
Jacinta: Two? I thought there's supposed to be one!
Marie: Yeah, not two.
Archbishop: Well, the daughters of the Whore of Babylon ...

Marie: It isn't Mum, she's too ... lazy!
Jacinta: I'm lazy too.
Archbishop: Most people think it's your Mum, although it could one of two too.
Marie: Or my sister Kate!

Archbishop: Well, I think it'd have to be one of your lot.
Jacinta: Never mind, who this whore is. I'm sure she's not as good as my mother.
Archbishop: Unless they are the same person.
Marie: Enough about this mythical Ho, any news about Emperor Boston of Bostopia?

Jacinta: Yeah, he's not found apparently.
Archbishop: I don't think he's dead. I think he's on an island with a bunch of naked local native girls.
Marie: Well, he's not in Jeruselem! We don't have a lot of islands.
Archbishop: Yes, ours aren't safe. We use them for airforce bombing.

Marie: Should we help find him?
Archbishop: I don't know if the Bostopians actually miss him in the first place.
Marie: So, who's running the place then?
Archbishop: Not sure, I'm sure he does not have kids.

Marie: Hey sis, what do you think of Boston? You've met him!
Jacinta: He's alright! I prefer men like Starblaydi fella.
Marie: Damn, I can't travel to watch the next Jeruselem game!
Archbishop: You don't need to be there Marie.

Marie: Yeah, but watching it on TV is not same thing.
Jacinta: Yeah, and you don't get to shop at new places either.
Archbishop: OK you two, it's time for church.
Marie: I spend too much in church.

Archbishop: Maybe you should avoid the confession box this week.
Jacinta: Nah, she likes sitting and talking crap.
Marie: Well, I like doing that too.
Archbishop: We're going to be late.

The nation was a flutter with excitement, Tobias finally had heirs! Although it would still be a few months before they were born, the former Great Leader and his wife confirmed to the public last week that the new Great Leader was pregnant, with twins! A new baby boy and a girl would soon be gracing the Raynor Mansion, and with that, the family line continued. The public had been wondering if the young leader had perhaps been homosexual, waiting soo long before even taking an interest in women. Though no one would ever confront him about it, there were always whispers of such amongst the populace. Yet when he met the ballerina from Tanarra, all that seemed to change for the better. It was not love at first sight, but over an evening of chatter and performance, the two obviously had a connection.

Now five years later, the youngest Raynor was married and expecting. Having already secured his position in the history books on his handling of the Tides of Darkness, and the reconstruction that followed, the lad can now look forward to the joys of just being a parent. Although his wife is now the head of state, the Senate now holds the majority of the day to day activities of the huge centralized government, leaving the Great Leader to handle the broader responcibilities. It must be said that Tobias has succeeded in everything he had ever set his mind to accomplishing. Be it his short career in football, his training as a fighter pilot, and his time as Great Leader. Whatever he has set out to accomplish, he has done so in fantastic quality. So it is then with sound reasoning that these children will have an extraordinary upbringing, and likely grow into sound leaders like their parents before them.

With all that and the continued success of the national team, despite the small slip up in the home draw with the Wombats, things are well and the populace happy. Somewhere in the gray Havens, Elune was looking down at her followers, and could not help but smile. They were becoming a more perfect society, a more devout populace, and their devotion would soon be rewarded, yet still there were things to do. With that, the goddess turned her attention to Char Sara, and opened a mental dialogue with the newest High Priestess.

Letter to the Editor

I thoroughly enjoyed you article last week about how sports seem to unify a people who would otherwize have nothing in common. It is then with that in mind that I started wondering about why sports have such a power over the citizens of the world. No other event in the current or past society has had such an enourmous social impact with such little effort to create such put into it. As a result, I then propose that sports are phenomenon of human nature.

It was with close and an in depth study, and my own knowledge of social norms with my position at the university, that I have come to this conclusion. Communities gather around their local high school sports teams much like clubs reach to cities. It is then understandable that those who have family or friend, or those who have previously attended/participated for the institutions would come out and support the teams. However, there is no obvious reasoning for the whole of a community to unite behind this competition.

With further delving into the human pysche, that I pondered that is is the competitive nature of humanity. Since the dawn of their creation, humans have competed against each other in some fashion to settle disputes, create dominance, or for pride. With the creation of nations, then it would branch out into nationalism driving such the support of competition. This theory would make perfect sense if not for the fact that species besides humans submit to the idea of sports, with a prime example being the elves of Valanora, or the gnomes of Az-cz.

Therefore I was forced to come to the conclusion that is a phenomenon that covers across several ideas of what a community is and why it is we compete amongst each other. Whatever the reasoning or idea behind such devotion and support, it is clear that is only for the best interests of a nation and a society for it to continue. With that said, I do hope that the Dynamo continue to bring this nation together, with the same of the domestic league's clubs.

Dr. Matterazi Franiza, Professor at Skyhaven University

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Matchday 4 scores here (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13949875&postcount=6)

Knights get Ready to Face Unknowns of Roddyville

Yes the time is almost here just 3 weeks after the bitter loss to Wentland the Purple Knights are back in Taeshan to face an enemy of unknown consequence. Reports say that the country goes by the name Roddyville and should be a sub-par opponent. The Vilians are unranked in the world of football and may not be a hard team to face. Nevertheless hundreds of thousands(okay 200,000) will frock to the X Island Metropark just outside downtown X Island to see the game. Go Knights.

World Cup Qualification - Group 1
MD1: vs Sel Appa (2-0)
MD2: @ Icy Cold Death Touch (0-0)
MD3: vs Kiryu-shi (3-1)
MD4: @ Ixania (2-1)
MD5: -bye-
MD6: vs Jeruselem
MD7: @ The Archregimancy
MQ: TBD
MD8: @ Sel Appa
MD9: vs Icy Cold Death Touch
MD10: @ Kiryu-shi
MD11: vs Ixania
MD12: -bye-
MD13: @ Jeruselem
MD14: vs The Archregimancy
PQ: vs The Holy Empire (@ TBD)

Lo duca e io per quel cammino ascoso
intrammo a ritornar nel chiaro mondo;
e sanza cura aver d'alcun riposo,

salimmo sù, el primo e io secondo,
tanto ch'i' vidi de le cose belle
che porta 'l ciel, per un pertugio tondo.

E quindi uscimmo a riveder le stelle.


The Holy Roman Catholic Journal

Midway through the first stage of the World Cup Qualifiers, the Most Holy Representative Football Team of Magna Sancta Sedes finds itself at a pivotal moment, where an easy route to qualification seems to be the ultimate fate for the team. Having displaced the #1 seed, Sel Appa, the Most Holy Team has conducted itself on an impressive streak, beating 2 of its past opponents and drawing away against the Icy Cold Death Touch. This next match comes upon the Sabbath, and hence no member of the Most Holy Team shall play any match.

At this mid-way stage of the first half, the Most Holy Team is confidently set at 2nd place, with 2 goals separating Jeruselem and Magna Sancta Sedes. The Orthodox monks of the Archregimancy have turned rather belligerent against the Catholic communities in the Ordinary Realm, issuing a statement of criticism and subsequently anathematizing the Church. No response from the Pope or the College of Cardinals has been received, but it is largely unexpected that the Catholic Church will ignore even an slight attempt to discredit the most holy and sacred divine legitimacy inherited by the Saint Peter. We figure that the monks are largely displeased to be in third place at the moment, and have attempted to divert their frustrations against the Catholic Church.

At the moment, the current projections suggest that the Most Holy Representative Football Team will at least make the playoff, which will be an astounding achievement for even the Most Holy Team - a miracle so to speak among the international football community. However, 10 matches remain, and 4 of those matches are destined for great difficulty against more experienced (even if unholy) teams. Fortunately, with the present performance, there is a cushion of at least 6 points separating the Most Holy Team from elimination (minus one match, which theoretically leaves the Most Holy Team with only 3 points, assuming that Icy Cold Death Touch manages to defeat Sel Appa).

Following the rest on the Sabbath, the Most Holy Team will set to play against Jeruselem at the Dominican monastery, which saw the impressive 2-0 win over Sel Appa. Only God can say whether history will repeat itself, and let us pray it does.

QBC WORLD CUP 42 COVERAGE

"Hello all, I'm John Cadding, Beck Davidham is still battling the Newmanistani Flu and will not be here until next week. Today was the first ever match between Kanji Starter and Qazox and as expected, the result was in the Pheonix' favor, 5-1. Let's take a look at the highlights, shall we?

Minute 8:
"Maria Cruz-Preli over to Renna Valladores, back for Cruz-Preli, who's taken down in the box and there's a Yellow Card for the Kanji Defender. Cruz-Preli will take the penalty shot and GOOOOOALL! 1-0 Qazox here just minutes into the game."


"The scoring binge by Qazox had just started and Kanji Starter could not stem the flow...

Minute 12:
"Qazox up 1-0, and are still pressing forwards, as Cruz-Preli sets up Anderson Tarricone over the middle, and GOOOOOOALLL! 2-0 Qazox and we aren't even 15 minutes into the match, this looks like it will be a long day for the home team."


"Now up 2-0, Kanji Starter tried to get back in it, but a misplayed pass from one of thier midfielder lead to the third goal...

Minute 34:
"Stevie Spingler has it and there's 4 on 3 here. Spingler over to Jaus, back over to Valladores. Valladores over to Tarricone, who sees Jaus and GOOOOOALLLL! Kallie Jaus is now the all-time leader in goals for Qazox internationally and its 3-0 here in the first half and the rout is on!"


"Now that the historic goal for Jaus finally came, the floodgates opened and She extended her record just before the half...

Minute 44:
"Jaus is taken down in the box, and no yellow this time for the defense, but with the score 3-0, the last thing Kanji Starter needed was anothe PK attempt, and just before the half. Jaus sets the ball down and GOOOOOALLLLL! No chance there as Jaus just kicked it straight over the keepers head. 4-0 here at the half for the Pheonix."


"With the big lead, Ryan Greenley used all 3 subs by the 60th minute, taking out Kallie Jaus, Maria Lupe Reyes and Renna Valladores, and put in (respectively) Raul de Olivares, Maria Anna Reyes and Yolanda Christian. The switch slowed the goal-fest a bit as Kanji starter got their only goal of the match...

Minute 66:
"Kanji Starter's Forward has made it 4-1 now, as Georgianne Shillingford slipped on the play, allowing him to slip by and Erin Goolden just wasn't prepared for the shot.


"The final goal came late in the match...

Minute 84:
"Raul de Olivares has it after teh corner, spins and shoots, GOOOOALLLL 5-1 Qazox as they put a clamp on this game with the 5th goal of the night."


"A great start continues as Qazox is now 3-0-1 and up next is a game back home against New Zomboria. Not much is known about this team, other than they might be Zombies, like Prux, whatever they are. For all of us here at QBC, have a good night."


QAZOX Goals:
Jaus: 4 (1 PK)
Valladores: 2
Tarricone: 2
de Olivares: 2
Spingler: 1
Cruz-Preli: 1 (1 PK)

Jeruselem Government News

Captain Jane out after head clash

Jeruselem lost World Cup 42 captain for a game after a head clash with a Kiryu-shi striker. To make things worse, Kiryu-shi scored in the same moment when two players fell over. Jeruselem did win 3-1 but at the cost of losing their leader. Jane Darian did not come back for the rest of the game and had to taken off the field. This puts Kate Sallad in charge of the team for the next game at home against Ixania before the big game against Magna Sancta Sedes away.

Coach Monique Alexander said
"It's a big blow. We've lost our best keeper and the team leader but I'm sure that bimbo Sallad will do a good job because ... err ... she's like me too when I was leading Jeruselem. Except she's a bit noiser and hard to ignore. Of course, her sister tends back her up too so two make quite a noisy duo. Anyway, Ixania aren't a Ariddia so we aren't too fussed. We just hope our attack can do it's work."

When asked about the game against Magna Sancta Sedes
"Well, all the God teams are doing well. We intend to be best of the three teams although a lot of our team are more like whores ... or are ex-whores like me. Then there's the members descended from them Dallas whores. We are ready. Jane should be back for the big game. It's an away game so it's going to be hard so we aren't going take the game lightly."

Ex-Captain and JGN reporter Kara Kool said
"Poor Jane. But then if you're a keep, expect these things to happen as goals are busy places. Jeruselem doesn't muck around in attack or defense so we tend get hurt a lot. While I think Kate is too weird, she's no idiot. She's got a good brain still and works hard when she needs too. She may slack in training but then them Dallases are the same. Both are different people on the field, they put in hard yards and don't say no."

Flak Sho was named Vice-Captain for the next game but was modest
"Well, it's a job. I don't expect these things to happen. I'll support Kate and the team as I always do. I feel for Jane who was so unlucky. Both players are tall and strong, and well - none of them won out. That's football, it's better being run over by a bus or attacked by nymphos! Err, did I say that?"

Hamburger Hill Herald

Zombie Pelé scored just 4 minutes into the match, which started at the unusual time of 5:56 am in Bazalonia. But just minutes after the goal, bazalonia's secret weapon came out, namely the Sun. Confused by the bright light of the sun, The zombies had little chance, as Bazalonia scored the next 3 goals in just 6 minutes to take a 3-1 lead. Goals from Hector Ainsley in the the 7th and 9th minutes and a goal from David Jones in the 12th counted all the scoring of the match. The only good news is Dr. Mkembe inserted himself into the net after the 3rd goal, which probably kept this from being a bigger rout. Now that a weakness has been shown, will other nations follow suit and if so, is there anything Dr. Mkembe can do about it?

Schedule:
vs. Arroza WIN 3-0 (1-0-0 record)
@ Land de Wood WIN 3-0 (2-0-0 record)
vs. Greal WIN 2-0 (3-0-0 record)
@ Bazalonia Lose 1-3 (3-0-1 record)
vs. Nuevos Aires
@ Bostopia
BYE
@ Arroza
vs. Land de Wood
@ Greal
vs. Bazalonia
@ Nuevos Aires
vs. Bostopia
BYE

Prux' Goals:
Zombie Pelé: 3
Zombie Just Fontaine: 2
Dr. Mkembe: 2
Zombie Ronaldo: 1
Zombie Zinedine Zidane: 1

Green Wombat Daily Tattler

This back-and-forth schedule might cost this team a World Cup berth, With only 2 days to fly to West Zirconia, play the match and fly home again, The frequent flier miles maybe the only thing the Wombats will qualify for. As for the match today, a half-hearted effort against a team they should have beat, insted sees them leave for home with a 2-2 draw. Luckily for the wombats they have the next match day off and against Central Prestonia at home, they should have a chance to get back to winning ways. The goals were scored by:

GW: Dale Henke- 31'
WZ: Steve Griffiths- 40'
WZ: Steve Griffiths (2)- 53'
GW: Pauline Utley- 78'

SCHEDULE:
MD1: vs. Ron Paulovia WIN 3-2
MD2: @ Valanora Draw 3-3
MD3: vs. Demot Lost 1-3
MD4: @ West Zirconia Draw 2-2
MD5: BYE
MD6: vs. Central Prestonia
MD7: @ Blouman Empire
BYE DATE
MD8: @ Ron Paulovia
MD9: vs. Valanora
MD10: @ Demot
MD11: vs. West Zirconia
MD12: BYE
MD13: @ Central Prestonia
MD14: vs. Blouman Empire


RECORD: 1-2-1 3rd place in group.
GOALS:
Utley: 4
Blessing: 2
Henke: 2
Wilcox: 1

Gol Spor
"Form must be continued!"
These are the words of former coach Murat who is now in a role as the attacking coach for the national team. he went on to praise the determination of the team, especially in the Yafor 2 game where the Turks won it in the last minute.

Stadium Sold Out!
The Sultan Ibrahim XIII Stadi has sold out for the make or break clash between the Turks and Wentland as the turks have a game in hand and are only 1 point behind, a win would leave them with one game in hand at the top of the table and another win after that would give them a iron grip on the group. An attendence of 110000 fans from both nations will make the trip to KTT.

Alhrem confident
In his first attempt at speaking Kosenic Turkish Alhrem told the press that he was "Confident that the squad at his disposal would be able to get the result against Wentland and regain the lead in group 3." Also rather bizzarley he asked for "All fans to stick their heads up the person to their rights butt." however in a follow up interview he revealed that he meant "All fans to stick by their team right to the end." this proves his Turkish is still rusty.

Team bonding
At the team training center in Kose Sehir the team was seen playing Guitar Hero in co-op mode, the best score was between Sinan and Serkan who scored 100000 points together where as the worst score was Kazim and Orhan who scored 45 both leading to a fan going to them and saying "Nice to meet you. I mean you kinda suck at this but you might be good someday." some might think this was a comment on how they play in goal.

Match preview vs Wentland
World Rank: 18
Points: 10
GD: 5
GF: 7
GA: 2
Form: WWDW
Fact: Best attacking record.
Verdict: Away against our team, they will put up a fight but we will probably scrape it in the end 2-1 win.

Upped Security
The capital has had the security status up to class 4 (Major sporting event) meaning that 3000 soliders will be deployed near the stadium and 2000 kept on high alert incase of ultrAslan related issues, while this should not concern visiting fans they have been advised to hire private security and be prepared to bribe fanatical fans to prevent them from killing them. This is a step up from the previous status of class 3 (shortage of kebabs) which meant that major chains such as Sinan Usta and Hakanbey had divert trucks to Kose Sehir and hire 200 troops to give the food out (This has caused a severe dip in the net value of both companies).

Polls of The Day
Who will succeed Alhrem as manager?
Hakan Ismir 40%
Murat Turan 30%
Alhrem will keep his job 20%
Coach Murat 5%
Mehmet Karagoz (Sultanli FK manager) 5%

Will the Turks qualify for the World cup?
Yes 50%
No 45 %
Playoffs 5%

Who will be top scorer this campaign?
Sinan Kose 90%
Serkan Turkmen 6%
Sabri Gunes 4%

"This performance is completely unacceptable!" Mark Tupper said, "Appalling! This is not how you play when you are representing your country!"

Pausing for effect, he added, "Yes, your country! When you put on that jersey you represent Kelssek. You play as a team, you fight as a team, you win as a team, and you do so with honour and pride! All that was sorely lacking today!"

"For God's sake, Mark, what are you doing?" his wife said, entering the bathroom.

Using his hand to wipe flecks of spit from the mirror, he turned around. "Just practicing."

"It's Sunday morning, I can do without all that. At least be a bit quieter. I'm going back to bed, please keep it down."

"Okay, darling."

Turning back to face the bathroom mirror, he continued, "I expect much more..."

The Spenson Star

Don't panic!

After four matches in World Cup 42 qualification, Zwangzug is in first place in group seven. This shouldn't necessarily come as a surprise-Zwangzug is, after all, seeded first in the group. But the first two matches weren't as easy as they looked on paper: away in An Blascaod Mór, home against Kosovoe.

Zwangzug managed to get one point from those two matches, winning at last against Terreiro do Ogum, only to arrive home to face Bettia.

But while the first two games may have been deceptively easy, the Aroras might have seemed more imposing than they actually were. Their team consisted of unknowns, a far cry from the Busilanta triad of Cups past. [Why do you insist on alluding to people of whom few of your readership has heard? -ed] Because I'm trying to describe some of the backstory for the match.

[...Continue. -ed]

Bettia and Zwangzug had only faced each other in the World Cup proper, and both of those results were 3-0 wins for the latter. The Aroras came out attacking as always on Matchday Four, and by the sixteenth minute, Muus Jurin's goal made it look like another was possible. The fans roared their approval [really? -ed], until Bettia equalized in the twenty-seventh minute.

It would be left to Rohit Sharma to score in the forty-eighth minute, and Zwangzug pulled farther ahead on Natasha Keller's goal. Bettia refused to roll over, however, gamely pressing on and cutting the lead down to one in the seventy-fourth. But when the whistle blew, Zwangzug had come out ahead.

Meanwhile, Kosovoe beat An Blascaod Mór, who also had six points. Candelaria And Marquez, who Zwangzug play next, had a bye, so the results moved Zwangzug and Kosovoe to the top of the table. Zwangzug have scored more goals than they've let in, but it's just the reverse for Kosovoe, who slide into second.

Leads aren't the most relevant comparing teams that haven't played the same amount of matches, so it'll be three more matchdays before we can draw any conclusions. So sit back and relax. Take first place for granted. But don't forget how Zwangzug got there.

---Channel 9 News, Bostopia---

Since the Emperor left for his holiday, there has been a 72% decrease in reports of uncontrolled lunacy in Fort Boston, productivity in Fort Boston Castle Plaza has risen 64%, which shopkeepers have put down to “security fears dropping,” and there has also been a rise of 57% in a poll where Bostopians were asked how safe they felt from random happenings.

Tourism has suffered though, with one prominent Jeruselemite who is currently visiting Fort Boston complaining that “without the Emperor around, there's one less naked guy to look at. Not that he's amazingly attractive anyway, but you know!” She denied reports that anyone she knew was planning on attempting to find the Emperor. A Casaran tourist also complained about the “high levels of calmness”, stating that it had “ruined the Bostopian experience” for him and his family.

Mrs. Tibbles of Squigg, Port Flamerty State has said that her cat has not become stuck up a tree since the Emperor went on holiday, and that bad news stories were no longer being followed by reports of her cat mysteriously being rescued from a nearby tree.

---Ile de Nouveau Bostopie, somewhere---

Dear Diary

Bostopia's falling apart, I know it. Yes, the feelings of my country run through my blood like greyhounds run round tracks. Quickly, with tactics unforgiving toward that blasted hare they never quite catch but looks ever so tasty and worth chasing just to dig into it with their teeth and gnaw at it for hours, relishing it's meaty goodness.

Myself and the Field Marshal went and scouted enemy positions today. They're obviously terrorists. Or hippies. Either way, that's not good. They're currently based round a site at the bottom of a valley on the west side of the island, about 6 or 7 miles from where my base is as the crow flies. We couldn't walk in a straight line because of trees and the small matter of a bit of a mountain being in the way, so the walk was longer than 7 miles. Not that it was a bad walk. Myself and the Field Marshal discussed many matters, such as the meaning of life, whether Admiral Petrock would launch a rebellion, and the finer points of Geesemonkey-racing.

Fortunately, it is a sub-tropical wood/jungle/whatever you'd like to call it, there aren't many thorns about, which saves having to pick them out of my feet. The Sheridan fellow complains about my “savagery” though, so I relented and put a screen round my eating area. Apparently there's something about seeing a man tear chunks of meat off a freshly-roasted pig that disgusts him. I'll bet he's a hippie too.

Speaking of Sheridan, I think I scared him last night when he woke up to find me dragging his sleeping bag close to the stream while carrying a rope and a large quantity of rocks. I told him it was in-case he wanted to take a bath without disturbing me, but he wasn't having any of it. He told me he'd overheard myself and the Field Marshal talking about drowning him, which to be fair we were, but I denied it all and told him we were talking about frowning him. He didn't believe me when I tried to explain that frowning someone was an ancient Bostopian right of passage I'd made up on the spot. Actually, he believed the bit about me making it up on the spot.

Sheridan's insisted on building a little fort for him to sleep in while I write this, which he says is idiot-proof, but I disagree, I can see him building it from here and any egit could get into it, as it only has two sides. He says it's only half completed, but I think he's trying to distract me from the obvious error that is the fact it only has two sides and should therefore be relatively easy to get into.

I think I'll start waging war on the hippie-terrorists soon.

Knights Tie Roddyville on X Island

Yes we had never heard of the country of Roddyville before this qualifying campaign either so it was a shock to us when they scored five minutes into the game to take a 1-0 lead. The Roddyvilians as we like to mock there name looked pretty good an played some nice defense sickly stoping all the Knight advances.

But it was to no avail as the Knights Striker A.F. Falcon was able to score in the 75th minute to tie it uo and give the Knights a point. And a point they will need it seems as they are still fourth in the group behind Wentland, the suprisingly good side this year from Kose and the Turkomans, and the Yaforites.

An in depth look at the next 3 matches

Well next the Purple Knights head for Yafor 2 witch is sure to produce a fun game between the two good sides. Then the Knights travel to Kose and the Turkomans for a matchup with the Turks, and finally just before the Mid qualifier friendlies the Knights face rival Solenial in a big game at the Colisseum.

THE ROCKET REPORT

CORRECT PATH TAKEN

Southport, Newmanistan- It was the crossroads that we mentioned previously. Which way would Newmanistan go? The team from East Ying, seemed to have done their homework on the Rockets in knowing that our record against teams like them was not exactly stellar. Due to that, they did not seem to really have the appearance of the underdog and came in rather confident. Newmanistan, though, was prepared for this battle not only because of the obvious implications as far as the table, qualifying, and KPB points are concerned, but for the sheer fact that they did not want to have to go through another round of questions from the media asking them how they could possibly lose yet another game against a such a low ranked team. In fact, East Ying doesn’t have any rank at all. A draw would count the same as a loss. But for now, the Rockets answered the challenge. They defeated their opponent, and even though you’d like to have seen them get a nice 3-0 or 4-0 win here for GD purposes, a 1-0 win is just as fine, because it’s a win that they needed. Desperately. For now we can enjoy it, but there’s another such game coming up in the fifth matchday, in the former Kansiov.

So the Rockets and the Yings hit the pitch and prepared to take battle. East Ying began with a defensive focus, knowing that this would be the best way for them to possibly get the Rockets to start believing that they are jinxed in matches like this. They thought, also, that their 3-4-3 formation could lead them to some success in the midfield, and shut down one of the Rockets preferred passing lanes in setting up in attack, that being the Brett Prescott- Alex Parnett route. They had some success at this, but Newmanistan quickly made the adjustments, and after the 10th minute, had taken control of the match. In the 14th minute, the Rockets appeared to have taken the lead when Southport’s own Julie McElroy fired a shot past Gog Ming, only to be disallowed by the referee, who whistled the play down because he did not like Julie’s pushoff of defender Joshua Kahn just prior to receiving the pass. The call was terrible and led to a long protest by the fans at Southport Stadium, many of whom proceeded to show their disapproval by throwing things onto the field. The game had to be delayed because of this. Such an incident is somewhat uncharacteristic of our home fans, and there were several contributing factors. After all, Julie McElroy “IS” Southport Football. You mess with Julie, you mess with Southport. The fans sent that message. Also, bent up frustrations of “here we go again” in this kind of danger game for the Rockets also had a role. When play finally resumed, the referee seemed to hold a grudge against Newmanistan, issuing a yellow card to Brett Prescott in the 20th minute, likely more because of Prescott’s reputation then because of the actual play. East Ying sensed that they could get some momentum and had a lot of ball possession after the card. However, they could not do much with it. The Newmanistan backfield, which had been embarassed against Sorthern Northland, was up to challenge here, and the Yings could only manage two shots on goal between minutes 21 and 35, and neither were on target. The half would come to an end with no goals on the board, and Rockets fans getting very nervous in the stands. East Ying wasn’t going to steal this game. Were they?

At halftime, Brian Carson and assistant Eric Andrews tried to instill some confidence back in the locker room. Some of the players seemed bothered over the disallowed goal while others you could tell were getting the feeling of “here we go again”. Some, perhaps, had both. Then McElroy got up and gave a speech herself. She wanted to win here, in her house, real bad. She told the players of a particular Southport legend and how the city deserved a win, and what they didn’t deserve was a choke job. After all, this city sometimes gets overlooked in comparison to other cities in the Empire, and here it had to be about doing it for Southport. The team, maybe not as motivated for the Southport story, knew that they could not let Julie down. Julie had always been such a trooper for them in doing things that they wanted, and here they had to do it for her.

Unfortunately, the start of the second half did not go quite the way the Rockets planned as the team earned themselves another yellow card, and again it was questionable. Issued to Michael Harrison in the 50th minute in midfield, the Rockets now had to come together again, sending signals to one another that this referee was not about to get in their heads. In the 58th minute, an unthinkable event occurred after Prescott laid down a tackle on midfielder Hang Zike-Tau. While on the ground, Zike-Tau BIT Prescott. That’s right, and he’s not even a Zombie from Prux. The restraint that Prescott showed here was the ultimate pick-me-up. The team knows how Brett plays and knew how bad Brett wanted to just punch him in the face, but with already one yellow card to his name, he knew he could not take any action. Perhaps this is why Zike-Tau did this. What Zike-Tau didn’t take into consideration was that another player could take action, and while the referee wasn’t looking Southport’s Brent Treichler took a swing and punched Zike-Tau in the back of the head, sending him to the ground. He lay there for several minutes, and would have to be substituted off, perhaps for his own safety more then anything else. He appeared to be fine on the sidelines after a few minutes. Also after those minutes, came the last laugh for Brett Prescott. He couldn’t get the payback with a punch, but his blow would be the sweetest of all. Left unchecked in the 74th minute, his sprint down the right wing was noticed by Julie McElroy, and he fired a shot from about 20 yards that was absolutely perfectly placed to put the Rockets up in front one-nil. During the celebration, he gestured to the East Ying sideline and made a biting gesture to them. From there, Newmanistan’s defense took over in a game that started getting a little chippy down the stretch with two more yellow cards issued to East Ying players as well as one to Sheldon Talcott. A win is a win. 1-nil the final, and after everything that it took to get it, Newmanistan will be happy. Now, they travel to an area that was once known as Kansiov.

Here is some post game reaction:

Carson: “A somewhat strange game, but I’m happy to get the win and the three points. We’re 2-0-1 now, and this is something we can build on.”

Prescott (on the bite): “He bit me, man! I mean he just like took a giant bite. Now if that was Kate Sallad I wouldn’t have cared, but what was that guy’s problem? I know I have gotten on the nerves of people, but he is the first person to actually do that. Maybe he wants to be playing for Prux. I hope he realizes that there will be another game between he and I where I won’t already have a yellow card.”

Prescott (on the goal): “There was room. With their 3-4-3 formation, I had been waiting to pounce for that chance. Earlier in the match I did but it came to nothing, but right then and there, I saw we had numbers and I had room. That was my time, and I’m very happy to have been able to help my team like that.”

Treichler: “Brett told me that that bastard knew he couldn’t retaliate because of his yellow card, so I decided that I would take care of it. Normally, Brett can take care of his business, but at the same time, you mess with Brett, you mess with all of us. I can’t believe he would get bitten.”

McElroy: (on the disallowed goal): “What a (expletive) joke. There is no defending the referee’s call. Because he didn’t like how I got around the defender? What kind of bull is that? I score a goal in front of home fans that I play in front of at the club level for over a decade, and it gets wiped off out of some sheer stupidity. I usually won’t condone throwing things on the field, but if I were in the stands, I would have done the same thing.”

McAllister: “Yep, a big win. We’ve shed one ghost, now we have more work to do.”

www.KTTSporCentral.ko.tk

Time to follow through!
by Semih Uğur
With the Turks game in hand over Wentland to be played against Wentland, the Turks will be expected to follow up their good performances so far in a great group. This is a tall task since most of the squad haven't followed through with anything since they fought their way out of their mothers wombs. No seriously the problem with the Turks over the years is that they've had good individual players, but have lacked both discipline (duh!) and consistancy. The Turks face a tough group but have overcome what was seen as their main problem in the group; Yafor 2. However a late surge forward got them the win.

The stadium has sold out for tonights game, which has underlined the importance of this match to both teams despite it being early in the qualifying process both teams see it as an essential game that could give both a grip on the top spot.

The stats man has just told me that going into this game the Turks have the best defensive record, however they are going up against the top attacking outlet in the group which will mean much battling for the upper hand, Kazim has also been in fantastic form for the team only being beaten by a penalty given by a stupid foul.

World Cup 42: Match Day Four

Rennidan : Quakmybush
1:2



Match Report:

Quakmybush - It's always an experience going to a new country. Whether it's a good or bad experience depends on what happens to you whilst you're there. For instance, whilst I was in Quakmybush, I was hit by a taxi, a bird crapped on my head, and I locked myself out of my hotel room in nothing but my slippers.

As I said, it all depends on what happens to you whilst you're in the country.

I arrived at the Quakmybush stadium five minutes after kickoff, thanks to the taxi I had caught to the stadium suffering a flat tyre. I bustled through and found my seat, and was rather upset when I found that Quakmybush were already 1-0 up against the visiting side. As it turns out, the home side had thrashed through the Rennidan defence after a tackle at kickoff, and planted one past the outstretched arms of the clearly nervous Diar Twils. Still, the young keeper smiled and shrugged it off, and for that, he gets my respect.

Fortal, Samman and Belon had also chosen to make their appearances on the pitch, but were all called off by tthe end of the game. The lads clearly still had the death of the vast majority of their teammates on their mind, and I do not like the fact that they're even on the pitch right now. What must it be like seeing these new kids on the pitch, taking the place of your old close friends? It must be heartbreaking. And yet, they play on.

The first half came and went, with the Rennidan defence picking up the pace and keeping Quakmybush down to only four shots at goal in the half. The Eagles themselves only managed a single shot at the net, which was easily punched away by the home team keeper.

I took the halftime to relieve myself and purchase some lovely Quakmybushian beer. I also made an assessment of each of the new players on the team, which, whilst I'm sure may seem... well... harsh considering the circumstances, really does need to be done. Besides, it'll give me something to do other than moan about the weather.

Anyway, retaking my seat, the second half kicked off, and Quakmybush ended up with yet another chance at goal. Their midfield lobbed the ball up and over the eager Rennidan defence, and landed squarely against the volleying foot of their star striker. The ball seemed sure to clip through the top corner, but the plucky young Twils managed to get a hand to it and wrapped it down and into his stomach. A wonderful save to show the world that Rennidan still have it in them, no matter what's happened to them.

In the 82nd minute of the match, the offensive side of Rennidan's brain seemed to click into action, and a fantastic run from Macki Selks ended in a cross to Selet Loek, who knocked it in with his head to bring the score to a round 1-1. The full time mark loomed and Rennidan seemed certain to finally get a point on their chart. Injury time came around, and the Eagle fans began to roar with happiness.

The roars, however, soon died away to make way for the cries of anguish.

In the 92nd minute, Quakmybush did it again, and a miracle of a pass whooshed past the slackened Rennidan defence, ready to be knocked into the back of the net and bring the whole shebang to a 2-1 win to the home team.

Rennidan left deflated, but not with the heavy hearts that would have been expected months prior. The new team had shown that, even though they lack experience, they can still tough it out with the best of them.

I caught up with the Eagles team later on, and the general feeling was that of joy. All I can say is that this team has a lot of ability under their hood. They won't be winning any World Cups anytime soon, hell, I doubt they'll even qualify this time round, but they'll certainly be one to watch in the future.





_________


http://i280.photobucket.com/albums/kk176/rennidan/Logo-3.png

Rennidan: Matchday Five Preview.

RENNIDAN versus KANJI STARTER


Rennidan sits at the bottom of Group 4. Needless to say, many of its fans are saddened by both this and the recent events that claimed the lives of most of the team. Ranked 43rd in the world, Rennidan are behind three teams who are ranked a lot lower. However, these teams have also yet to face all of the top three teams in Group 4, whereas that very 3 were Rennidan's opening triplet. Needless to say, the 'easier' portion of Rennidan's schedule is now upon them, and Kanji Starter will really be the opening test of how the new Rennidan side fairs.

We're hoping for a win, but at this stage, nothing is assured.

"Right...item 4 on the agenda...the dwindling attendances at World Cup matches. Any comments?"

The Committee looked down at their papers. "Umm..."

"Well, come on. Someone must have some idea."

"I don't really know, Mr Chairman. It just seems that there's a sort of listlessness about the whole thing."

"Listlessness?"

"Well, attendances in the League remain high. It's only in international matches where people can't be bothered. It's as if they are going through the motions."

"Well, perhaps we ought to find out."

"How do we do that?"

"Ask them?"

The table recoiled in horror.

"What? You mean we have to SPEAK to those...people?"

"They're just not our kind!"

"They spit and swear."

"And eat pies."

"And they've got two heads!"

"We will not speak to them ourselves, of course. We merely need to engage one of those agency companies to speak to the oiks. Why should we sully our hands and ruin our Ocelots traipsing round their sink estates?"

"Yes, we would be tapped!"

"Beg pardon?"

"Tapped! Get it? Tapped! Sink estates!"

"Very droll, Bernard. No, I think commissioning some sort of report from these bods would be a step forward. We are losing revenue as a result. I have had to settle for caviar from Melstead rather than the usual sort."

The Committee stared, aghast.

"Yes, you see the sacrifices one has to make. It is dreadful for us all. But I am sure we can get Wentland on the straight and narrow. How did we do, by the way?"

The Committee shuffled their papers. "We, er, don't know..."

"Why not?"

"None of the papers bothered to report it."

"There was good reason, Mr Chairman. There was a bonny baby show at the same time, and who can resist a bonny baby?"

"I quite agree. Mrs Widmore, use your international network device to discover the result. And call the steward for the brandies, if you please."

"Great news! The team lost to the Holy Empire today, wiping out both the scoreless goals allowed streak and our perfect record at the same time Mr. President."

"That's true Smith but they still lead the group don;t they?"

"Well yes they do but only because we've played one more game than the HE."

"You know Smith, you're supposed to be taking care of this. I'm trying to balance the budget here. Clearly your transportation budget needs to be slashed if you can keep coming up here to tell me something i can read in the newspaper. Is there any sign of breaking in the nutbags ranks? THAT would be worth coming here for."

"No Mr. President. But our experts believe that given the sickness of their cult leader this Brother James, that there is a 68.3% chance that the organization will fold at his death so if we just wait then they might do themselves in."

"I see." the president replied making a note to cut down the anti-religious section funding of the intelligence group if this comes to pass given the 'official' status of the other cults in the nation due to their world wide acceptance. "Very well, look up some possible successors who might carry on the cult works. Too bad Specialist Anderson wasn;t still around, he had a good handle on those groups even if the politics of the time prevented him from wiping them out."

"Yes sir."

<elsewhere>

"Brother-sister Emily, have ytou heard, we were defeated by a so-called 'Holy' Empire. How can their false deity overcome the Lord of Scores?" Brother Melvin whined.

"Ignore it Brother Melvin, the Lord of Scores clearly shows his displeasure by turning His back on us against the heathens. He clearly wishes us to be more active in our faith. My uncle is a good man but far too accepting and trusting that everything will take care of itself. The Lord of Scores is clearly an attacker or he would be the Lord of Shutouts. It is clear that we much be more active in His service so that he shall shine his greatest blessings upon us."

"But Borther James disagrees."

"Of course he does, he is not violent by nature and so is willing to wait for the Lord of Scores to gain nationwide acceptance, but it is clear that only by becoming more vocal and active in His way can this be achieved. Now leave me, i must inform Brother James of this loss."

Glaycia factbook part 3 of several

Terrain- The northern part of the isle is almost completely filled by glaciers with some hills and peaks as you move further east. The weight of the ice actually pushes the land below sea level by about 50 feet for much of the region but the ice itself prevents any sort of flooding. The western part of the isle is mostly flat which is why the winds are such a large factor. Some tundra terrain with sparse plantlife can be found as you move inland as well as a few icy streams coming from the interior to the seas. However much of the area is barren due to the harsh conditions. The east is the most mountainous area of the isle as a small mountain chain peeks above the surface at this part of the isle. While Hell’s Fury is the most geologically active of the peaks, the largest Mount Asgard stands 7,311 feet high with two other peaks above 5,500 feet as well. Rolling hills going northeast between the peaks separate the east from the central part of the isle and block the worst of the westerly winds. Small scale farming is possible as several small rivulets trickle down from the heights due to the natural heat of the area and warmer summer temperatures creating arable farmland.

The central region is heavier to tundra than the west due to lesser effects of the cold sea winds the west suffers but also mixed with barren areas. Some normal vegetation can be found towards the south. The south has only a few patches of tundra as you head west but otherwise consists of 85% of the normal vegetation and farmland on the isle. About 90% of the island’s locally grown crops come from here. A few hills from the eastern chain pass through towards the south west which further keeps the south protected from the cold winds and reap the full benefits of the warmer southern winds.

North- ice 95%, hills 5%
West- barren 70%, tundra-20%, ice-10%
Central- tundra 45%, barren-35%, hills-10%, vegetation-5%, ice-5%
East- hills- 45%, tundra- 25%, barren 20%, vegetation- 10%,
South- vegetation- 75%, hills 15%, tundra- 5%, barren 5%


<elsehwere our old couple are at it again>

<cackling with laughter before ending in a coughing fit> "I told you Inga, we Glaycians are better than any snobby Brits. Even in their own stadium they were moving like they were in a headwind of a blizzard!"

"Yes dear, the children did quite well. Even that Jasper boy got a goal against his British kinsfolk."

"That Jasper fellow sure played it smart, coming to Glaycia and being on the right side of the slaughter. Just imagine when they come to King Olaf I Stadium, they'll freeze their wickers off!"

"Now Ludden don;t you be talking like that. Those poor British will need to dress warmly that's all."

"Now see here Inga, even they they bundle them up like we did little Anya when we took her sledding the other day they might be warm sure but our boys will run circles around them."

"Girls too Ludden dear."

"What?"

"We have girls on the team too."

"We do?"

"Yes dear, now drink your tea."

Some people reckon that our perception of reality is so messed up that we’ve got no real conception of the fact that, really, we should be able to walk through walls without a second’s thought, on account of all the gaps between the atoms.

Some people are just stupid. Unfortunately, in this instance, they’re probably also right. I mean I don’t know, not for certain. But these days, honestly, I’m prepared to believe just about anything – and believe me, that’s a difficult state of mind for any human being to exist in. Difficult, but not impossible; and certainly not wrong. The way we see the this planet, or these planets, whatever, all loaded up with stories and ideas about how the world is… We’ve lost the capacity to actually see our reality, I think.

Lost it, or had it taken from us, whichever you prefer. I mean, look at me, for God’s sake. Here I am, narrating my life as it flows around me so I don’t have to spend any more time than necessary actually thinking, never mind seeing.

I see Albrecht, out of the window of this tram, for basically the first time in my life. For the previous twenty-something years, Albrecht’s just been an image, an idea, supplied by the telly, my friends and family and neighbours, and my own personal prejudices. I never saw Albrecht, not really, when we used to visit when we were kids. We were far too excited, me and Cara, to see what was really there, and since then I guess I’ve just been a typical Marquezian – a typical new Marquezian, anyway. We may be the English-speaking type, but we’re still a nest of poison towards our cousins across the estrecho innomado, and towards the capital in particular. Albrecht – that faraway citadel where the social democratic elite dictate our futures. Albrecht – the city of a hundred tongues, a thousand shades, the most well-known of Candelariasian cities and yet the least Candelariasian of them all. People still think that; they still see Albrecht as something apart, whether it’s to be treasured or despised. Even though if you chucked a pebble in central Arrigo these days you’d be hard-pressed not to hit someone black, or yellow. Even though there are more headscarves per capita in Rose of Sharon than in Thompsontown. If you don’t live in Albrecht, you don’t know Albrecht – just the mental image constructed from a constant stream of media invective and arse-licking in equal measure.

I can’t say whether life’s got ‘back to normal’ here or not, I don’t know what normal is. I know that there’s a young couple at the other end of this carriage giving a thirty-something woman of oriental extraction a sour look. Who knows if this city will ever get over what happened, and if the three or four of every hundred Albrechters with epicanthic folds’ll ever be trusted again. The immediate horrors may have passed, but the shockwave just ploughs on and on, and the effect on the psyche of the people isn’t going to die away over night.

I mean, how could the Mastini family have allowed Albrecht FC to be flogged off to Samseong, honestly? On top of these rumours about local Han being involved in the polling day massacre as well, it was spectacularly misjudged.

But shaken though it is, this city hasn’t crumbled, and perhaps these Candelarian softies really do have more about them than we give them credit for. I’m counting on it.

Ping… and we’re in Martin Square, and here’s another surprise. It’s as good as new, better even, with a gloriously phallic new war memorial even higher than the last. Still, I’d expected people to be avoiding the place, given what happened here in May… or whenever it was…

“…Rhys, wide to Gwent… Williams is there, but Catlin has it, can’t find a way through Dixon… Oh, but now he can! Cross, JUST! Just out by Silva de Aviz, but this is pretty desperate stuff from C&M in the closing few minutes, at one-one following Richardson’s equaliser… Gwent, the Lasft-based player, takes the throw-in… Kelly collects… but he can’t hold on to it! Rhys, trips past Dixon, still plenty to doooooooo… Aaaaoooh…. TERRIBLE goalkeeping! And it is, inevitably really, Bettia two, C&M one, Llifon Rhys… And you’ve got to say, that’s awful from Joel Sbaïz, and we’re going t’leave Gabalfa, I’m afraid, with absolutely nothing to show for our troubles…”

“And you’ve got to say, John, that’s really no more tha…”

The co-commentator is drowned out by the impromptu street party, as several dozen Candelariasian Bettians of various hues form into an as unobtrusive a conga line as they can manage, while the rest of the locals give up on the giant screen showing the match and filter solemnly away.

No-one seems to be bothered by this potentially provocative display in the heart of the national capital. Maybe they’re all just too upset to be angry, or perhaps they’ve already had enough time to get over this defeat. It’s been an hour since the final score was announced on the net, after all, what with the delay needed to whitewash any eight-foot genies and the like from the crowd. And they reckon it’s just the time difference that accounts for that, and they don’t even think to wonder about what a stupid explanation that is!

It’s not that they’re just dumb, not really. They just can’t conceive of a Candelariasian government capable of the lies they’ve been told, and capable of taking drastic measures against those who refuse to shut up about it. D’you know there’s a show on TV1 at the moment, Saturday prime-time, slotted in between Dancing with the Stars and the lottery draws, featuring Candelariasian secret service agents? It’s a comedy. The very idea of C&M doing black ops! Most Candelariasians, they just haven’t got a clue about their own country.

And the rest of us, those who know the truth, or at least bits of it; they’re just scared, and Candelariasians aren’t used to being scared. I reckon that’s why no-one speaks out. They can’t harry us all into the backs of black vans, after all, can they? But you grow up here, without any threat of military action from overseas, with domestic separatist organisations that can barely manage the occasional letter bomb, with rape and murder seemingly distant memories, and with an obsessive regard for health and safety legislation, and excellent compensation programmes for anyone with a disability or three, whether you were born with them or otherwise. It’s hardly the land of milk and honey – I’ve lived in El din since I was ten, for God’s sake, I should know – but people in the Candelarias, they don’t ever have much reason to be frightened. So when they discover something they shouldn’t, and a smartly-dressed man who isn’t supposed to even exist comes along and smiles toothily at them… they just don’t know how to deal with it.

They settle for an easy life, for a simple existence punctuated by football and trashy reality shows. Well, I’ve never had an easy life, and I know how to be frightened, and I’m over it. And I’m sorry, honestly I am, when I look at all these happy faces wandering through a city that should have been cowed into submission long ago. But someone needs to save Candelaria And Marquez from itself.

And, okay, yeah; it’ll be a bonus that my country will remember the name of little Jack De Berlanger as the man who did just that. That’ll teach ‘em for giggling about the beans. And not everyone’s going t’like it. But I’m not doing it for the government, or for the gurning masses. I’m doing it for the unlucky ones, the adults and the kids, who fall through the cracks of this little arrangement. I’m doing it for me, I’m doing it for her.

And I promise I won’t enjoy doing it, not even a teensy-tiny bit.

***

The Albrecht Herald Online>Sports>Football>World Cup>Latest News

Cohen back for key Zwangzug test C&M manager Kris Healy has confirmed that Albrecht Turkish winger Niv Cohen and América full-back William Burgos will return to the first team in Hoxton tomorrow, after a disappointing performance by the Big Blues’ right flank in Gabalfa a fortnight ago.

A.F.F.’s former Turkish star Harris Dixon was widely blamed for Bettia’s first goal, while Albrecht FC’s Ryan Edwards produced a lacklustre display after his return from injury. The younger Cohen, a goalscorer on his senior debut against Kosovoe, was sacrificed against Bettia for tactical reasons, but Healy today confirmed his confidence in the flanker’s versatility. Burgos will be expected to hog the touchline instead. There remains no starting place for Casper Richardson, despite his goal at Tiddles Park.

Healy has been quick to play down early claims that the Zwangzugians were there for the taking, and his predictions appear astute now that the fifth-ranked side in the world have moved back to the top of the group. “Getting used to a new set of players, a new formation… playing a goalkeeper, for heaven’s sake… that was bound to give them a difficult start,” the C&M coach told a press conference this morning, “But clearly they’re getting back up to speed now. That said, we’re not going to pretend we can’t take them, despite the gulf in historical form, and it’s hugely important my players don’t go into this seeing themselves as second best.”

With the retirements of forwards Peter Vanderpent and Gary Maini, among others; the Big Blues will be hoping to catch Zwangzug in a difficult transitionary period. Yaforite-based Rohit Sharma is now seen as the main threat to Joel Sbaïz’s goal, while none of the trio of C&M-based players in the squad are expected to start in the Solidarity Stadium.

(The Rockets board the team plane to head to Kansiov)

Pilot: So coach, where is this place we are going?

Carson: Kansiov, it’s in Lazarus. At least it was the last time I looked at a map.

Pilot: Yeah, see that’s the problem. It’s not on my map of Lazarus, I don’t know where exactly to go. It’s as if the country doesn’t exist anymore.

Carson: Well, is their any unclaimed land there?

Pilot: I believe so, but there is no safe landing space as there is no airport now under governmental control. I assume you’re playing at the same stadium that their other games have been played at?

Carson: Yeah, well maybe we can land somewhere a little more safe and then shuttle in somehow. I assume the hotel is still there.

Andrews: Brian, I say we just stay in a neighboring country and then just shuttle in the morning of the game. I’m sure we can practice somewhere.

Carson: The last thing we need right now is to be spending more time then need in a land in a state of anarchy when we need to be practicing and focusing on getting three points. Do you think this country (points to whatever country it is that borders it) will allow us.

Andrews: It’s generally a peaceful country, we’re just like tourists to them, so I doubt that they would care.

(Team arrives at the hotel in “X” Country)

Carson: Alright guys, this is where we are going to stay, it’ll be a two hour bus ride to the stadium in the land that used to be known as Kansiov. We’ll only trek there for the game.

McAllister: Is there going to be security there? I mean that nation is in a total state of anarchy, we don’t want people running out onto the field while we are trying to play a football game.

Brooker: There better be, this game is too important to us for us to have to be worrying about stupid stuff.

Harrison: It must be difficult for their players, I’m sure it weighs on their mind.

McAllister: Yeah, I bet it is.

Carson: Empress Jessica has been in communication with the World Cup Committee and has let them know that we will hold them responsible for the safety and the security of the players on the pitch during this game. The Committee has assured me that they are bringing an international security force to make sure that none of the outside anarchy has any effect on the game. They have also assured me that this kind of thing has happened before with nations suddenly having their government during the competition and that they’ve always been able to handle it before.

McAllister: That’s good.

Parnett: Yes it is, now let us concentrate on football. Hey Brett, how’s your bite mark?

Prescott: I still can’t believe that motha (expletive) bit me.

Drummond: Not only that, dude, I can’t believe he didn’t even get a red card for it.

Carson: Your composure was great there, though, Brett. We really needed that.

Prescott: Yeah I know that’s why he did it. I can get him back in East Ying.

Andrews: So study the tapes, do what you do, whatever it takes to get three points here. We can have three wins in four games with a victory here. It’s shaping up to be a good start, but there’s no room to slip here.

McAllister: And I’m sure that they’re going to play hard. They have nothing to lose, other then to come back to there crazy unsupervised country.

Parnett: I bet most of them don’t even want to come back to it.

Drummond: So coach, we’re training here?

Carson: Yeah, we’re renting the field of a local university. It’s decent enough to serve our purpose.

Drummond: Good enough for me.

Carson: We’ll take care of business and get out of here.

Sinan on his computer while Turkmen watches what he's doing

St: Hello

S: (Startled) Hi

St: So whats this then?

S: just a sports site back home good to see that the media blackout ended.

St: Media blackout?

S: Yeah something about lack of internet.

St: Oh.

S: Is it just me or does the reporting back home consist of joke after joke?

St: well at least we're getting noticed.

S: Be pretty hard not to we're the only decent sport team.

St: I suppose.

S: Yeah, listen you know this games sold out?

St: Yes thats why the army's been deployed.

S: Ok but IF we lose-

St: which we wont

S: well I'll hold you to your word we have to be in top form tonight.

St: why should you worry your the golden boy of our national team.

S: yeah but it's best to live up to the hype.

St: I suppose, listen the coach wants to see us at the Sorthern pub in town 'the Happy turk'

S: That best be a good sign.

"We're back now its time to talk about the next game for the Purple Knights soccer team. They Play at Yafor 2"White Dude.

"Well the Yaforites pose a big problem. They have qualified for many a World Cup, and are one of the best in the world. The Casinos say the Knights should lose by at least 2 goals. I agree with them"Hispanic dude.

"Good point, but i think the Knights should tie the Yaforites. They may be good, but the Knights have beaten them before"Black Dude.

"Yeah well anyways i think we should rely on Brian Ying Uing in attack. Let Tad protect the goal and go kamikaze. Then we would easily beat them". Asian Dude.

"Thanks gentlemen well youve heard there thoughts now well see you next week".

A battle is lost

There is a place in rejistani culture for the military. The battle of independence, the Karelan troops, the proud rejistanian navy who valiantly fight so the rejistanis can not enjoy cheap, smuggled goods. Okay, I didn't even keep it up one sentence to speak positive about the rejistani military, but that does not mean that the rejistani military is a laughing matter. That would require them to exist. The military of Jeruselem however is different. They are not a bunch of big boys who love to play with guns and boats. And they exist. They even have a soccer team and that was whom the Orange-Blues Transnationals KaMaRian team of the Kurumaleha states lost to.

The match was rather even and on a high quality. Both teams wanted to win. The extended KaMaRian team because of the fame and glory and the team of Jeru FC because they might end up being court martial-ed if they lose. Coach Inik Y decided for an imdilan 4-4-2 formation with the 2 strikers Takil'he and Ja~nxu'he.

The defender Tani-Soharu'he had his first appearance as starter for the Lasane (we can leave that nickname unchanged). The young Hetkalian defender added the maiden name of his mother to his last name recently to avoid confusion and stupid jokes. He explained to reporters of the Sikenian Daily (and had us shamelessly eavesdrop) that the name 'Tani' in his native language Asankida means ruler, but that the rejistani meaning caused so many jokes, that he preferred not to use it exclusively.

The match had many situations where one could not help but bite one's nails or question one's sanity. The national team had some good scenes, especially in the first half, but after some unfortunate changes at the beginning of the 2nd half, the team never got back into its good form. Shawar Habib and Tawnee Fundough brought the score down to 0:2. The score became somewhat less desperate when Siki Amu was able to score from a penalty in the 96th minute.

Dancougar News!!
Writing bad fanfiction and passing it off as RP.

Dancougar 2 @ 0 Spazican States (FT): The Black Wings followed up a hard-fought home draw with Milchama with a road win against the Spazican States. The 2-0 scoreline hasn't moved the Wings out of fifth, but they hope to send a message to the other teams in the group that their slow start will be overcome.

"We've had a lot of good results in previous tournaments," said Charles DuPont, "although that doesn't count for much in a group with quality teams like this one. Teams like Cypron and Lovisa have gotten the right start and put points up early, but I think we have the talent to overcome that with so many matches left."

The first step on the road to recovery was the Milchama match, a home draw that required a frantic finish at the National Stadium. Next up was the Spazican States, a team which is statistically the worst in group eleven. Road matches are never easy, but the Wings never looked in danger. They controlled the flow of the game and gave the home side precious few looks at goal, all of which were turned aside by Yuji Watanabe. Midfielder Kazuki Midorikawa got the start over Jericho Leyton, who was a healthy scratch.

The Wings got their first chance in the 8th minute, when Morimoto chased a through ball into the corner and attempted to cross it into the box. He was unable to shake past his defender and ended up passing to the top of the box, where Sho Yukikaze decided to have a go from twenty yards out. The ball rose over the bar after looking on target most of the way. In the 15th, Morimoto again caused trouble for the Spazican defense, although this time he got the cross off. Shishio Jinguuji rose to meet it, but was unable to keep the ball down.

The Wings were frustrated by the Spazican defense, which was tightly packed and offered little room for movement. Although it averages three goals a game given up, the Black Wings of this tournament have yet to really kickstart their offense. Benjamin Whittaker saw pass after pass get turned aside by the Spazican back line, and debutant Kazuki Midorikawa failed to get involved until late in the first half. The home crowd was merciless, which gave the defense energy to match every sideline run by Morimoto and Dylandy, whose crosses were always just a hair short or an inch long.

"For a lot of the first half, we were trying to force some things, but we were doing our best to slowly work our way into the game and push them back," said Dylandy. "We knew we were going to get chances."

But DuPont still paced the touchline wondering when the goal would come. The team's efforts paid off in the 34th minute when Dan Potts scored his second international goal, and the first of qualifiers. Morimoto lined up a free kick from thirty yards away and curled it over the two-man wall. It fell to the near post, where the Port Royal striker crossed into the picture and blasted it into the net with his left foot. The goalkeeper didn't even flinch as the ball sailed in front of him and was understandably mad at his defenders.

The Spazican States got one of their few chances in the 42nd minute when a bad midfield giveaway by Morimoto resulted in a lightning counter. Three Spazican players took on the Black Wing defense, with Sho Yukikaze deflecting an attempted pass out of play for a corner. The shot into the box was punched clear by Watanabe and one-time shot went wide. The Wings went into the locker room with a 1-0 lead but were disappointed to have not done better than four shots on target out of eleven attempts.

The Wings put their stamp on the game right off the restart, though, with Jinguuji and Midorikawa both forcing the goalkeeper to make saves. The all-out attack surprised the Spazicans, who repacked the defense but found that the Wings were starting to find open space. In the 51st minute they got some insurance. Midorikawa attempted a pass into the box to Jinguuji, but it deflected off a defender and in the direction of Lyle Dylandy, who fired a low shot that dinked in off the post for his first goal of qualifiers, second if you include friendlies.

"It took a lucky bounce my way and I gave it a hit," said Dylandy. "I knew the keeper could get down to it so I had to aim pretty far to the side, and fortunately it hit the right side of the post and got in."

The Spazicans attempted to get back into the game, but Dylandy's attempts to start playing more aggressive football resulted in more possession for Dancougar, as well as a talking-to by the referee. He avoided picking up his second yellow in as many matches. There were still a few tense moments at the back in minute 65 when a pair of corner kicks tested Watanabe's mettle, but both times he came up with the save. In the 72nd, another long shot forced him to dive at the post, but he watched with relief as it skipped wide.

The Wings had a third goal disallowed for offside, as Jinguuji was a step ahead of his defender when a cross from Midorikawa found his head. It was good awareness by the Spazican defense, which pulled up at the last moment to catch Jinguuji just waiting for the ball. He was replaced by midfielder Hikaru Waya in the 80th minute as the Wings gave some of their bench players some time on the field. Mikhail Balalaika made his debut on defense by replacing Yukikaze in the 77th.

World Cup 42 Factbook: A look at the Wings' next match in qualifying brought to you by Tap Water, a refreshing truth in advertising!

Opponent: Linpada
Rank: N/A
History: First Meeting

The Wings welcome a debutant to the National Stadium in Linpada, who are coming off a 3-2 upset win against Lovisa to earn their first points of qualifying. Linpada are in their first international tournament and did not participate in the Baptism of Fire, so they're of unknown quality. And they know that a win on the road would boost them over Dancougar in the standings and make life very difficult for the Black Wings.

The last time the Wings took on an unranked opponent at home was in World Cup 41 qualifying, where they wiped out Free Krytenia by a score of 7-0. The way they've been playing so far, we can't expect that kind of offensive explosion, but surely we can get the three points, right?
Prediction: 3-1

PAST PREDICTIONS
2-1 @ Lovisa, actually 1-2: Well, we DID get the score right.
1-3 v Milchama, actually 3-3: Eh, half right. Those late goals by Googe were a nice touch.
2-0 @ Spazican States, actually 2-0: Oh, we're good.

I miss the drama with the Candelariasians.

Honest.

Compared with all this stuff I'm having to deal with now, that was like a simple school yard brawl.

After the match against Quakmybush, the match some fans and such have been saying we should be proud about, I found Daniel Samman laying into Henry Iopi.

Iopi is sixteen and already nervous as shit about playing for his country.

Yet I find Samman having a go at the lad for missed tackles and wasted chances. He was spitting, swearing and yelling about how Iopi would never be as good as Malkala.

This is the dark side of football, I guess.

I couldn't stand around watching this shit happen.

I stepped in. I had words.

I got Iopi to go home.

Then I laid into Samman.

I must be taking lessons from those Rennidanians that play gridiron. I swear to God I could have just kept punching the bastard until he was nothing but a pile of bloody mash at my feet.

Don’t get me wrong, I like Samman.

Kinda’.

And, yes, I know he lost his best friend. I know he lost what was perhaps the closest thing he has ever had to a brother.

But he forgets.

I did lose my brother. Jo only ever played football because he wanted to be like me. He became a goalkeeper because he wanted to be like me. If I had become an accountant or a baker, would he have followed? Would he still be dead now?

Would any of them be dead if I wasn't involved with them?

I could get philosophical here.

I could talk about strands of time, and how one decision would have changed it all.


Instead, I left Samman propped up on one of the locker room benches. I found one of his teeth dug into my fist.

Hurt like a bitch.

I walk for what seems like only a few seconds, but soon find myself next to the hotel that the team’s upper echelon has paid for.

It's one of those upper-class joints. Supposed to make us feel like the celebrities we're meant to be.

Wasn't that the problem?

The last lot, the last lads, they became too involved with the media lifestyle. Fancy coffees, cheap girls, prime time slots and underwear adverts.

They'd forgotten about the football.

Would this new lot go the same way? These young lads who only play for the fun of playing, will they soon realize it's not worth it? That their time is better spent becoming a brand name? That all the money is actually in endorsing stupid products and smiling for the camera?

If they forget football then we're back to square one.

We'd only have a team of divas who don't want to get muddy in case their sponsor’s name gets hidden by the stains.

I checked my watch. It was 02:32.

I checked the sky. It was clear.

I checked us all out of the hotel. There and then.

I had the security go get the lads out of the rooms that were no longer theirs. They whinged, they moaned and they started to tell me they hated me.

I didn't care.

Still don't.

I told them to get their kits on.

We were going to go for a practice, I said.

They moaned more.

I snapped, but in that odd, calm fashion that only a man with three days of stubble and three years of mental anguish can manage.

To cut a long story short, we went down to the stadium where we had lost almost half a day prior by a single goal. The staff there were more than happy to let us in for a price.

I snapped at them as well.

We got in for free.

We then roused Samman.

He moaned as well.

Guess what I did?



Correct.

We then spent the next five hours practicing. We ended up tired, muddy and aching all over.

They asked for a break, and, yes, I admit, I agreed they could have one.

In a few hours time.



They can hate me for now, but I don't mind, because I'm going to make sure they don't forget the football.

THE ROCKET REPORT

A CHAT WITH THE ASSISTANT

Location Unknown- Normally, this space is reserved for a chat with head coach Brian Carson. And while my traditional one-on-one interviews with him will continue as the qualification progresses, I (Clint Peterson) thought it would be worthwhile to sit down with Eric Andrews, the assistant to Carson, who is a different role that he is accustomed too. The team plays in Kansiov, or the land formerly known as Kansiov. Now, it’s a land in a complete anarchy, so much so, that the Rockets players have been training in the neighboring country.

CP: Good morning out there! With me this afternoon is Eric Andrews, head coach of the Loudon Leopards, and the assistant for the World Cup 42 qualification effort. Eric, thanks for joining me.

EA: My pleasure, Clint.

CP: Eric, I think the question on the minds of most of the fans is how different is it for you to be an assistant when you have been a head coach for so long, and especially to be the assistant to your chief rival at the club level?

EA: It’s actually not that different. Brian and I communicate very well together, and I am doing the same things I would be doing if I were the head coach. The only difference is obviously, I don’t have the final word on things, but Brian listens to what I have to say, and the players respect the presence of both of us, and I think it can lead to better results this time out for the Empire.

CP: So then, working with Brian Carson has come very easy for you?

EA: Absolutely. Brian and I have coached rival teams against one another for about 15 years. And while that’s created a club rivalry, we’re both very well aware that you don’t have the kind of success if you’re not doing something right. We’ve always had the mutual respect for one another at the club level, and there was no doubt in my mind that this couldn’t work for the World Cup.

CP: And I imagine that just being able to coach, even if it as an assistant, the national team in the World Cup is quite an honor.

EA: Coaching in the World Cup is the greatest honor you can have once your playing days are over. I’m doing that now, and it doesn’t matter if it is as an assistant.

CP: Overall, Newmanistan has looked good in qualifying but there is still a long way to go, and I know there is still some sting with the way you lost to Sorthern Northland.

EA: We’re off to a very good start, it is in fact the best start that we have had in our very short qualifying history. Traditionally, we’ve been a strong finisher, so if we can put it all together then I feel very good about our chances. The game against Sorthern Northland is over with, we’re not concerned about that anymore.

CP: Most teams in Newmanistan’s ranking range wouldn’t feel as good as we do over the win over East Ying, but that has to make you breathe a big sigh of relief.

EA: We got the win, that’s what is important. This World Cup is all about taking it to the next level. We really feel that we have a good chance at qualifying, so points cannot be left on the table, whether against East Ying, Liventia, or Kansiov. Those need to be 18 points, total.

CP: What was your take over the biting incident?

EA: I know that Brett Prescott has pissed off a lot of opponents in his career, but I have never seen someone actually decide to bite him before. If I were the manager of East Ying, that player would not play another game for me. They are in their first tournament, and now they have a player doing something that will give the team a barbaric reputation. Zombies and blancmanges have excuses. Not a common everyday person.

CP: Brett’s composure I think shows the maturation of him, and of the team.

EA: Brett is a smart player. This is his third qualification attempt now, he knows what this stage is all about. He really wants to qualify for the World Cup. Even though it’s 50-50 if we were to qualify on if we would wind up in Septentrionia or Cafundeu, with four players (Brooker, Peterson, Prescott, and Drummond) of our starting eleven playing their club football in Cafundeu, they are really excited about having the possibility to represent Newmanistan in Cafundeu.

CP: And if they were to play in Septentrionia, hopefully that wouldn’t be a letdown if they were so fortunate to qualify.

EA: No because they know that there will still be in the tournament that will have the interest of the Cafundeu fans that root for them at the club level. I think we can draw a lot of support in Septentrionia, too, there may be a bond there between us and their fans.

CP: The Baptism of Fire 27 bond?

EA: I think so. Our nations entered this mad thing called the World Cup at the same time. And as long as their underdogs, we think we can draw some of that same support. This is all just speculation, they might hate us, I don’t know.

CP: What’s it like coming to a country like Kansiov, or used to be known as such, that is in a complete state of anarchy?

EA: Well, they always say that you have to be prepared for anything when you go on the road inn qualifying. The tough part about this situation is that their government just very recently collapsed, so the anarchists are still really having their way right now, it’s gotta be a very dangerous place to live.

CP: And to play, too.

EA: Yeah, we’ve been told that there will be international security to make sure nothing happens at the match other then 90 minutes of football.

CP: How are the players taking it?

EA: They’re actually taking it very well in stride. Right now, we’re practicing in the neighboring country for our own safety and security, so we really haven’t the worst of the situation. We’ll be in and out of there quick and be back in Newmanistan as quick as we possibly can. I’ve noticed that even you guys in the media are staying out of the country.

CP: Yeah, it’s in our best interest too. We don’t have any desire to stay over in a land where everyone is running wild. So we have taken the same approach as you guys are and are staying in “X” country as well.

EA: That’s a good idea. Let’s just hope its get our three points and get the heck out of here.

CP: Indeed, well now we must be getting out of here too. Thanks for your time, Eric.

EA: No problem.

Greal World Cup 42 Match 4

It ended with a draw. Howard Anderson scored once (Making this his seventh goal in international football) and the Arrozans also scored once. Greal will keep their defensive formation for another match because their next opponent is a old foe from Baptism of Fire. Land De Wood.

Schedule


20/8 (wed) - qualifying MD01 @ Nuevos Aires (WIN 1-0)
21/8 (thu) - qualifying MD02 vs Bostopia (LOSS 0-5)
22/8 (fri) - qualifying MD03 @ Prux (LOSS 0-2)
23/8 (sat) - qualifying MD04 vs. Arroza (DRAW 1-1)
24/8 (sun) - qualifying MD05 @ Land de Wood
25/8 (mon) - qualifying MD06 OFF DAY/BYE
26/8 (tue) - qualifying MD07 vs. Bazalonia
27/8 (wed) - mid-qualifying friendlies (Caf)
28/8 (thu) - qualifying MD08 vs Nuevos Aires
29/8 (fri) - qualifying MD09 @ Bostopia
30/8 (sat) - qualifying MD10 vs Prux
31/8 (sun) - qualifying MD11 @ Arroza
1/9 (mon) - qualifying MD12 vs Land de Wood
2/9 (tue) - qualifying MD13 OFF DAY/BYE
3/9 (wed) - qualifying MD14 @ Bazalonia

Land de Wood verses Greal.

Two newcomers to the world of football are to do battle in just a few hours time. These two both had some success at the recent Baptism of Fire. Greal were quarterfinalists, whilst Land de Wood came third. However, these two teams, met in the 1st match of the 2nd group stage.
A game that Land de Wood won by two goals to one. Greal will no doubt be looking for revenge.

The Land de Wood team that day was:
Gary Nicol
Richard Hammil Gary Lewis John Bell Woodrow Derby
Stephen Diddon
Aaron Whitemore David Clemance Steve Redrow
Ray Horse
Katsuhito Boyd
and while the manager may be tempted to bring back the same team, Gary Nicol, John Bell and Katsuhito Boyd's form during that competition, mean they do not deserve to start this game. So instead the team will be:

Patrick Clemence
Ray Hammil Gary Lewis David Aimer Woodrow Derby
Aaron Whitemore Larry Derby Steve Redrow
Ray Horse
Gary Hoggins Richard Higgins
So Larry Derby returns for Gary Workhorse who is not risked after suffering a slight twinge in his calf last game out.
Having got a draw last time out, the Woodpeckers will be looking for victory at home today.

When you're going to eat something (if you eat), what do you prefer: a horrible food that only makes you feel the pain in your stomach or a real good meal, with plenty of options for you to get more than satisfied?

If your answer is the second option, than we have the perfect place for you to go to eat! In this churrascaria, with the cheap price of V$30,00 per person (thirty vintéms), you can eat how much you want, and quality food!

Take some salad, rice, maybe beans, potatoes, and sit to the table, and the waiters will come to you to offer the meat... and you'll be impressed by our churrascaria's meat! We have many kinds of meat, taken from more than 200 different animals! Each experience that you'll have in our churrascaria will be a different one!

So, when in Cafundó do Juta, go to the Churrascaria Jutense! The top restaurant in the heart of the city! The most famous churrascaria of the country!

And it is Churrascaria Jutense that presents you... the MD05 RP cutoff.

Matchday 5 scores here (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13952049&postcount=7)

Golden-Whites Pull Off Two Consecutive Wins
That first article we published must have really gotten to them ...

FEDALA, Second Empire of the Golden Throne - The Macabee National Football Team has given us a wonderful spectacle, here at home, after their rest day the previous match day. The Golden-Whites defeated Montgisard two goals to zero, proving that they're more capable than what many believed so at first (especially after their horrying five to zero defeat at the hands of group leaders Tynelia). This puts the team firmly in fifth place, although tied with fourth (Kereca is technically fourth due to their superior goal difference [a goal difference of zero, while the Golden-Whites' is negative one]. It will be up to tomorrow's match, against Kereca, to decide who takes fourth place. The day after that we will play against The Holy Empire. These two match days will be some of the most demanding of this half of the tour, although our draw with Bettia gives us high hopes.

Today's game saw striker Mika D'Angíel score the first goal, minute thirteen. The goal came after a genius long pass from midfielder Tor Vanderhak, giving his first assist of the tournament. The second goal came late first half, scored by midfielder Lamí Davíer during a dangerous free kick. His monstrous kick put the black and white sphere right into the net. These two goals sealed the game, despite the dangerous opportunities the opposing team had. Fortunately for us, they weren't able to put any in—guaranteeing our team's victory. This gives D'Angíel his fifth goal of the tournament (thanks to his first goal against Northern Bettia and his hattrick two days ago against Wijaska Island), leading the team is scored goals. Lamí Davíer and Golet Níer each have one goal. Hopefully, tomorrow these key players will put in the goals to earn us 4th place.

The game was played at the Olympic stadium in Fedala, seating 120,000 spectators—54,000 came to see this particular game. The victory at home has given the spectators a reason to continue hoping that perhaps this world cup their national team will make the finals—we're not even looking to win, just to go into the finals. Most importantly, it gives fans the knowledge that after this tournament the team will gain rank and will become, possibly, one of the top fifty teams in the world. With this kind of experience it would allow the Golden-Whites to make a more impressive impression the next World Cup (World Cup 43). It would also serve to increase the self-respect of our players, making sure that we can play against the "big teams" and win—our draw with North Bettia has already shown evidence that this is becoming more true.

The next game, against Kereca, will require dedication. But the team is fully prepared to go and win, putting them on step closer towards qualification (although, this will take even more work and perhaps a lot of fortune). If we can win both against Kereca and The Holy Empire perhaps qualification is not as far off as some would have guessed, after all. But, we will have to wait and see—the higher you climb, the harder the fall.

QBC WORLD CUP 42 COVERAGE

"Hello all, I'm John Cadding, Beck Davidham will be back from his bout with the Newmanistani Flu just after the halfway point. Today was the first ever match between New Zomboria and Qazox and as expected, the result was in the Pheonix' favor, 4-0. Let's take a look at the highlights, shall we?

Minute 18:
"Anderson Tarricone sets up for the corner kick, everyone but Goolden is forward for this and Tarricone sends it in, deflected by a defender, and GOOOOOOALLLL! Olivia St. Louis, making only her 2nd start ever gets her first goal and that's the first goal by a Qazox defender in over 10 years! 1-0 here at the at SaxerDome, in SaxerVilla and the crowd of 85,000 is going wild.


"You know, since New Zomboria didn't do too much, let's just show the other 3 goals, ok?"

Minute 36:
"Qazox up 1-0, and New Zomboria has done nothing, they just can't seem to get anything going. Stolen by Maria Lupe Reyes, finds Renna Valladores over the middle. Valladores has it jukes a bit, and GOOOOOOALLL! 2-0 Qazox! Valladores just stomped that home from 25 yards out and the keeper couldn't stop it."


Minute 52:
"Still 2-0 here early in the 2nd half. Qazox has the ball again and this time is slowly moving it up. Jaus has it, over to Spingler, back for Tarricone, over to Valladores, she shoots and GOOOOOOOOALLL! 3-0 Qazox now, as Renna Valladores has her 2nd of the game and New Zomboria is looking terrible out there."



Minute 71:
"Jason Erca has just come in, making his debut and he's lining up for the corenr, as he replaced Anderson Tarricone in the 68th minute. Erca sends it though, kicked out by the keeper, taken by Cruz-Preli, over to Spingler, he shoots, rebounded, and GOOOOOOALLL! Jason Erca with his first goal, just 3 minutes into his carrer and Qazox leads 4-0 and has almost sewn up this game."



"A great start continues as Qazox is now 4-0-1 and up next is a game @ Kannone then we continue onto Rennidan. Could be an interesting couple of weeks. For all of us here at QBC, have a good night."


QAZOX Goals:
Jaus: 4 (1 PK)
Valladores: 4
Tarricone: 2
de Olivares: 2
Spingler: 1
Cruz-Preli: 1 (1 PK)
St. Louis: 1
Erca: 1

Green Wombat Daily Tattler

A much needed day off today before the match vs. Central Prestonia. While the team is 1-2-1, they are still in 3rd place as Demot and Valanora are clearly the class of this group. Now it is up to the Wombats to take control and try to get the 3rd spot clinched up before the end of the qualifiers.

SCHEDULE:
MD1: vs. Ron Paulovia WIN 3-2
MD2: @ Valanora Draw 3-3
MD3: vs. Demot Lost 1-3
MD4: @ West Zirconia Draw 2-2
MD5: BYE
MD6: vs. Central Prestonia
MD7: @ Blouman Empire
BYE DATE
MD8: @ Ron Paulovia
MD9: vs. Valanora
MD10: @ Demot
MD11: vs. West Zirconia
MD12: BYE
MD13: @ Central Prestonia
MD14: vs. Blouman Empire


RECORD: 1-2-1 3rd place in group.
GOALS:
Utley: 4
Blessing: 2
Henke: 2
Wilcox: 1

Hamburger Hill Herald

These Zombies are a god-send, especially Zombie Oliver Kahn who has 4 shutouts already, setting a new National record. Not to mention that except for the trip to Bazalonia, the other teams in the group have been scared witless by this team. How else can you explain a +11 goal differential thru 5 matches, and that is including a loss by 2 goals! Today, was a "team" effort, of sorts as 5 different players scored. Zombie Diego Maradona started it in the 7th, then Zombie Pelé made it 2-0 in the 15th, then Zombie Ronaldo made it 3-0 just before the half in minute 43. Zombie Just Fontaine made it 4-0 in the 67th minute and Triple Z finished it off in the 83rd minute.

Schedule:
vs. Arroza WIN 3-0 (1-0-0 record)
@ Land de Wood WIN 3-0 (2-0-0 record)
vs. Greal WIN 2-0 (3-0-0 record)
@ Bazalonia Lose 1-3 (3-0-1 record)
vs. Nuevos Aires W 5-0 (4-0-1 record)
@ Bostopia
BYE
@ Arroza
vs. Land de Wood
@ Greal
vs. Bazalonia
@ Nuevos Aires
vs. Bostopia
BYE

Prux' Goals:
Zombie Pelé: 4
Zombie Just Fontaine: 3
Dr. Mkembe: 2
Zombie Ronaldo: 2
Zombie Zinedine Zidane: 2
Zombie Diego Maradona: 1

Alfredo: Hey, General where do we get these football players from?
General: What's wrong the current lot?
Alfredo: They seem to have the IQ of a sheep smoking pot.
General: OK there aren't from our elite troops.

Alfredo: So, where do they come from?
General: Our special needs people!
Alfredo: Special needs?
General: OK, people deemed mentally uncapable of being trust with firearms.

Alfredo: You mean people too stupid to shoot straight.
General: Yes them
Alfredo: So why do I get them then?
General: Hopefully you can improve them!

Alfredo: So I'm babysitting your stupid soldiers.
General: Yes, you're going to fix them for us.
Alfredo: Some of them are behind reformation.
General: At least you have use for them.

Alfredo: They aren't a bad lot, just not very smart and need controlling from out of control social habits.
General: Upset that Sadie girl went to the national team?
Alfredo: Well, not really. She was too good to be in this team anyway. Rogue Cassen isn't too different. She's just as daft.
General: Not as pretty though.

Alfredo: Well, Rogue isn't a Dallas.
General: Maybe we need more of them in the army.
Alfredo: Not a good idea, the guys might get distracted.
General: They can double as army whores.

Match Report
Kose and The Turkomans 0–2 Wentland
Oh Crap
No two words best describe the feeling of the team after it fell to it's first defeat of the campaign and while they have a chance to make up for it in what should be a routine game against Leagalese. The game started off well for the Turks as they were only denied by fantastic keeping early on and the back line held strong. That was until 65 minutes when Nicky Burns scored a header from a well delivered corner, and then again 12 minutes later with a carbon copy of the first one.

Time to bounce back
After suffering their first defeat of the campaign, the Turks midfielder Tumer has called on the team to return back to their promising form which got them 3 wins from 3. Most people would expect them to as they have a "easy" game against Legalese, but Sinan sounds caution as they could very well underestimate the legalese squad.

"B" team to play
Alhrem has decided that a change in personnel could help shake the team up a bit with only 3 players retaining their place in the squad, the team he is expected to field is:
56. Orhan Kose
13. Hikmet Koc
25. Lefter Alp
14. Ismael Koc
26. Aykut Pembe
16. Murat Turan
17. Firat Mertcan
18. Nuri Turan
8. Sabri Gunes
9. Serkan Turkmen
10. Sinan Kose

Routine win?
The team is expected to record a rather routine win over their "Weaker" opponents tonight but as we know sometimes upsets happen and they tend to cause "Problems" often these problems are fan related but sometimes things can boil over on the pitch. This could be the reason for fielding Murat Turan at the age of 37, he is well known as a calming influence on a team, a leader of the defense, he can act as a calming influence on some of the younger players and can add stability to the back line also in addition to that he is a great supporter for the left wing and is well known as an attacking wing back.

Alhrem: We can stay in the top 2
Alhrem came out fighting after the defeat to Wentland and made the claim that his team could still easily make the top two of the group even with this latest set back. He said "My team has learned not to get their heads down after a defeat and we will come back stronger, of course I beleive in this team otherwise I'd be long gone..."

Match preview vs Wentland
World Rank: 129
Points: 2
GD: -3
GF: 0
GA: 3
Form:
Fact: Worst offensive record
Verdict: There are no easy games but I think we will pull through 2-0 win

THE ROCKET REPORT

ROCKETS OVERCOME SMOKE, SLOW START TO WIN

Unknown location- Gunshots. Screams. Burning buildings. Bodies in the streets. It was a war zone scene. Complete chaos and anarchy in this land once known as Kansiov. Everything built up by the previous government that once so cared about their country to enter it into World Cup is now in a state of ruin. It was a two hour bus trip for the Rockets, on paper, to get to the stadium in which they were told the match would be taking place, but the actual journey took so much longer. On one street, a group of men took aim at the team bus and fired shots at it. Fortunately, their aim was bad. On another stretch, the bus had to maneuver around abandoned cars and dead bodies as if it were an obstacle course. What’s going on here is something that this journalist hopes he never has to see again, and you could only imagine what went through the minds of the players having to see all this as they were heading to a game. Fortunately, the team arrived at the stadium just in time. There was no time to change, or get themselves ready. They had to do all that on the bus and head directly to the pitch as the referees were growing a little impatient and wanted to get the game going. Around the stadium, an international security force had secured the building. It was simple, really. No one was allowed in the stands. So here were Newmanistan against Kansiov, in front of a crowd of absolutely no one. The players advised their families not to make this trip, and Newmanistanian supporters that may have intended to travel all took the wise route and cancelled the trip. With the smoke of burning buildings in the background, and no one in the stands, we had a football game to play. One that would count just as much as any other in qualifying. We could only imagine what went through the minds of the Kansiov players. This is their homeland, being put into ruin. Playing for pride, we’re sure, but for pride of what? We would hope that they’ve all gotten their families out of here. They have been used to this. About as used to this as one can get, anyway. They wanted to put on a good show, and prove themselves. After all, they’d already beaten Az-Cz during qualifying.

The Rockets, startled by everything they had seen on the trip here and having no time to get ready other then on the bus, struggled at the start of the match. Understandable, yes. The Kansiov players knew this, and did their best to pounce early. They were, fortunately for us, not that sharp in their execution and the game remained scoreless for a while. Then, some of the Rockets players on the pitch appeared to have a tough time adjusting to the smoke that was beginning to find its way into the air of the stadium from a burning high rise apartment complex that was near the facility. While they were coughing, the Kansiov players, who have become accustomed to playing in this environment were able to capitalize. In the 23rd minute, they scored the first goal of the match. Ten minutes later, a second goal. Quickly, Newmanistan found themselves in this 2-nil hole as more smoke made its way into the stadium. Brian Carson then approached the official and demanded that the game be delayed until the smoke let up, and fortunately the referee came to his senses and realized that would be for the best. He too, surely, did not have to like officiating in these conditions. So in minute 34 we found ourselves delayed, and the teams were allowed to go to their locker rooms. After about an hour and a half of waiting, the smoke dissipated enough, and action resumed. At this point though, both teams seemed content with just playing out the remaining eleven minutes before halftime. At the break, again, the teams headed to the locker room.

Finally, the Rockets could begin to relax. They did during the smoke delay, and talked then about their strategy and how they would make his comeback that needed to be made. They experimented with a few things in the eleven hangover minutes, and seemed to feel confident that they could get back in the game. They just had to regain their focus, and forget about the horrific scene that they were playing in. That wasn’t made easy by the sounds of gunshots outside the stadium, where some rebels apparently tried to gain access to the stadium and were held away by the international security force, who we must say, did an absolutely incredible job.

At the start of the second half, Newmanistan played a lot better, and it was clear that they were not about to give up on getting three points out of this match, but three goals in 45 minutes isn’t the easiest of tasks, and the Kansiov defense was doing everything they could to make sure that they could protect the lead. Minutes ticked away, and the Rockets were generating opportunities, but at the last moment the Kansiov back end came up with a timely clear. All the possession was in this end though, Newmanistan completely dominating. It was inevitable that they would score at least one. But could they get two, or more importantly, get three. When the game pushed past the 60 minute mark, still with the score at 2-nil, it was beginning to seem less likely, but these guys would not give up. In the 60th minute, it was 2-nil Kansiov. By the 70th minute, it was 3-2 Newmanistan. A major rush of momentum carried the team to victory. In minute 62, it was Jeremy McAllister putting his name on the scoresheet. Nothing fancy on the play, J-Mac simply had a lot of running room, and made it count. The defender could not get to him in time, and McAllister placed the shot to the keeper’s right. Then, immediately, the Rockets got another. Alex Parnett intercepted a pass in the midfield, and because Kansiov was pushing people up a little bit, he too, had plenty of room to run. He set up McAllister with a nice cross that didn’t quite get to him, but the deflection ended up in an ideal spot for Shawn Drummond. Drummond read the entire play very well, and unloaded a shot that beat the keeper for a 64th minute goal, and suddenly, we were all tied up. It was strange, though, hearing no cheering after this. Playing in an empty stadium will do that to you, and this was clearly a moment where the Kansiov players could have used some hometown support. Instead, the Rockets went for the throat. Again a pass is intercepted at midfield by Parnett, and he calmly allow the offense to position itself. Alex releases another cross into the box, though not to McAllister or Drummond as the Kansiov defense may have expected. No, this was to Julie McElroy. Julie knew it was coming and her header was perfectly placed to put the Rockets out in front in the 69th. Seven minutes, three goals. Kansiov was completely deflated at this point as the Rockets pressed for more. McAllister would ring one off the post in the 75th minute, and two shots would just barely sail wide in the final ten minutes. It was a terrific come-from-behind win for Newmanistan, who will be greatful to get out of here with three points, and hope that they never have to return.

With the win, Newmanistan improves to 3-0-1 in the group, and are tied with Jasi-yun for second. However, Jasi-yun has played one more game then the Rockets, and Newmanistan currently has the tiebreaker over them anyway, a head to head victory on matchday one. Up next is Az-Cz at Pocono City Stadium. Az-Cz is struggling with a record 1-1-2 right now. A Newmanistan win could really put themselves in a great position, though obviously we know that Az-Cz will eventually turn it around. Right? We won’t get too excited yet, but we must admit that it’s nice to be starting off a qualifying campaign on the right foot for a change!

Here is some post game reaction:

Carson: “I’ve never played in front of an empty stadium before. This whole thing was crazy, I have to express my sympathies to all those innocent people who are losing their lives or their property in this complete state of anarchy. After this, I’ll never have been more happy to be back in Newmanistan. We did a good job though, with everything that was going on externally, to come back, and get the three points we needed.”

Hennis: “I didn’t see either of their two goals because of all the smoke. Fortunately, the ref had the sense to stop play. He had good control over everything that went on. No one should have to play a game with such high stakes in that condition, and he realized that.”

Brooker: “A lot happened in this game. Some good, and some I hope I never have to deal with again.”

Parnett: “It’s really hard to see the kind of wasteland that this country has become. I felt sorry for their players. But we still had business to take care of here, and in the end, we got the three points.”

McAllister: “Uhh yeahh. I’ve never played a game in a warzone before. Credit stadium security, I believe it was an international group. We got the three points, now we go home. Thankfully.”


As a journalist, I have never seen anything this bad. Not the game. In all, we should be very proud of our team to come into this, whatever you wanna call it, and get a very important win and three points heading into their big home game with Az-Cz. You hope that the leaders of this country will restore their interest in leading it, it could be as simply as logging into a computer, these days. The World Cup Committee, in similar situations, allows the team to participate until the end of qualifying as normal, but if the government is not restored, they will be hit with an 80 point penalty. It can be a controversial penalty at times, and for the sake of the Kansiov people, we hope they can get this all resolved and get their nation to be beautiful once again.

It's fall in Dancougar. Yes, World Cup qualifiers are occupying the populace, although the D-League season is also starting. That means only one thing...

"Your what is tonight?" asked Russ. He stood in the doorway of Peter's room. All over the floor were a collection of football magazines, and the pegboard which had been holding evidence in the match-fixing case had been replaced by endless cross-referenced printouts containing statistics he didn't know anybody ever bothered keeping.

"Fantasy football, dude!" Peter replied. "I've got a few other teams already set up, but this one's for my winner's league from last year, so I've got to take this seriously."

Russ looked at the pegboard. "What the... you've ranked them yourself? How long did this take?"

"Well, in general, Sportnet's rankings are unreliable, since there's a lot of things they don't take into account," Peter replied, joining him at the board. "Sure, raw point output is a good first approximation, but to really estimate their output this year, you have to take into account in impact of surrounding players and the peculiarities of the league schedule. And you have to consider the impact of international competitions, and..."

"Whatever..." said Russ, backing away from the wall. He thought he saw a sheet labeled 'Scenarios' and one labeled 'Contingencies,' which was kind of weird. He stepped on a binder and looked down.

Peter rushed over to claim it. "Whoa, careful, dude, these are optimal lineups for each week of the season!" he said. "See, these are components of the overall rankings that are on the wall, there, so if things get nasty, I need to try and optimize by this instead of overall, and then..."

Russ was backing out the door with a fake smile. "Yeeeeah, you have fun with that, now," he said before disappearing.

********************

"Fantasy... football? I don't quite understand," said C. Stephen's bed was littered with magazines and his laptop was inundated with browser windows linked to scouting reports.

"It's simple," Stephen explained, "you are given a library of professional players from which you build a team. When they play a regular season game, you earn points based on their stats, and the goal is to ultimately have the most points in a head-to-head showdown with other players."

"I think... that makes sense..." C was more disturbed by the lack of lounging space. Her television program was about to start, and Stephen frowned whenever she showed any intention of shifting his magazines aside to make room for herself. "I assume that a player can only be on one fantasy team at a time, otherwise everyone would just pick the same ones?"

"Correct," said Stephen. He clicked to his league's page and watched the countdown play. "For someone like me, it should be child's play to select an optimal team, even if the highest-ranked players are taken before it's my turn to draft."

********************

Things had been proceeding mostly as Peter expected, as most of the guys in his league had just set it to autodraft. As a result, the computer just optimized for ranking and unfilled positions. Sixteen players were needed in the end, and the only real problem was depth. He figured he needed at least one stud forward and two midfielders to build the nucleus of his team. Hikaru Waya from Mizuno was entering his thirties now, but his production had risen steadily over the past few years, and Mizuno's offense was actually much better than most people thought given its position in the table.

But he'd been planning to pounce on Aiken's Shigekazu Hayashi once the round cycled. He was near the bottom of the order so the best forwards were gone when it got to him, but his compensation would be two picks close together. Unfortunately, that didn't work out. Some guy with the handle "CoachNullSet" seemed to be active on the other end and had seemingly come up with rankings similar to his. He was last in the order and had two picks back to back between rounds, and he used them to grab Hayashi as well as Peter's next choice, Ken Matsumoto from FC Takano 1983.

"You've got to be kidding me!" he was muttering, as he scanned down his list. Already he was into his contingencies. Not good. "I have to fall onto Ingram already? Damn it!"

********************

Stephen watched with a smile as most players autodrafted based solely on the Sportnet ranking, which he had determined was unreliable. One or two other guys in the league seemed to be trying, especially "ShibuyaNote." He always seemed to be a step ahead with his picks, although his next one seemed to be in reaction to Stephen's, as if the two were reading and responding to each other moreso than the rest of the group.

"Damn it, Brian Mauldin would still be available in any other league!" he cried, causing C to giggle. She'd wedged herself in between his magazines. Every now and then he'd reach for one, nonchalantly lifting her arms or legs out of the way to get the issue he needed. She didn't flinch and found the whole thing rather amusing.

"I'll need to start thinking about defenders soon, anyway," he said. "I can get Kristek and then grab my midfielder, Constance. If I'm right, it should set him back a round..."

********************

"A goalkeeper? Before the twelfth round?" moaned Peter, watching the picks go by while he waited for his shot at the board. These guys were obviously using the default Sportnet rankings or had made their own based on name recognition. "And of all people, Grady Saville? Yeah, he doesn't give up goals, but he doesn't make saves either... that's because his team defense is the best in the league. You'll never score points that way!"

So far so good. He was somewhat disappointed with the compromises he'd had to make with his picks. He'd gone off his list of fallbacks, now, and was trying to evaluate players inline. It was slow and painful. This wasn't what he'd bargained for.

He grabbed a defender and waited patiently for the round to turnover. That NullSet guy was probably going to screw him up again. Maybe. Surely he wouldn't go for the same target. "Chuuoushi bleeds goals, but Summerford has a high passes-defensed average, which should... NO, you weren't supposed to pick him!"

********************

"Damn it, he bit on Tallman a round earlier than I predicted! He knows what I'm trying to do!" Stephen hollered, tossing aside one magazine and turning quickly to the tabs in his browser. There were too many to sift through. Only ninety seconds to think before his round timed out and the autodraft system picked for him.

"Aren't you taking this a little too seriously?" asked C. "It's just a silly game, right?"

"Oh, it's beyond that, now!" replied Stephen. "This is a war! I'm Zero, the man who makes miracles possible... fine then! Escobedo has fallen to me. He'll be a suitable backup forward. After that, van Brunt, the defender!"

********************

"The bench is too thin, I need another midfielder! Who's left on my list... no way, I'm really all the way down to Thiele?! I can't even count on Dylandy to boost his assist total with quals..."

********************

"No, no, no! You already have a goalkeeper! You weren't supposed to take a backup before my pick, and it wasn't supposed to be Brandenburg! Now who's my starter going to be? I have to pick freaking Rob Bookamer?"

********************

The draft was over. The dust had settled. In two different parts of the country, two men who had more in common than they realized could only sit back and look at their final rosters. A heavy sigh. From both escaped the words, "I hate this team."

Jeruselem Government News

Show down with the Saints looming!

Ixania turned up to Jeruselem but went home with nothing as Jeruselem rolled them over at Dazza Dallas Stadium. Lead by Kate Sallad in the absense of Jane Darian, things didn't start well for the Princesses with Sadie Dallas accidently helping Ixanian score a goal when the ball defected off her boobies into the Jeruselem net. No harm was done to her assets and she played on the rest of the game none the wiser for the experience. Admittedly Sadie didn't know much about the ball which she defected into the net.

Jeruselem struck back with an individual effort from Sally Kool who showed the Ixanians how one should score a goal, with skill and speed without needing luck. Jenny Sloan bagged the last two goals, one a fantastic bicycle kick which the Ixanians just stood and watched while the other was best described as a "boober" - the ball crossing in too low for header so the striker just pushes her chest forward for the goal. As expected young men thought it was great goal. The Ixanian keeper didn't move much, maybe he was looking at the boobs - not the ball.

Next up is a game in some Monastery against the Magna Sancta Sedes team. It is 2nd vs 1st in the group. Jeruselem's toughest game so far was against Turtles with a draw, away - but now a new opponent with the same God. The Saints will not be easy. Given match day 7 is a bye for Jeruselem, a win is a must here. Match day 8 is another game against the Monks but away in another Monastery and then we play Sel Appa at home. Three big games! Don't miss it.

Sel Appa finally got that win, not freezing up to the Satanists from Icy Cold Death Touch. They were back to normal with an easy 4-0 win. Kiryu-Shi lost again, but this time to the Monks who ran out winners 3-1.

The group leaders are unchanged and it is still the Holy Trinity - that is the Saint, the Monk and the Holy Whore. Group 1 is the Group of God - the others need a lot divine help from elsewhere.

In Group 12, Jeru FC got back on track! Jeru FC beat the lowly Europa Brittania to move out of the bottom of the group to 4th. 3-1 wasn't a best scoreline against such a weak opponent but it was solid. The other teams got draws which helped Jeru FC move to 4th.

Jane Darian will be back for the game against the Saints. She asked the girls on the team to behave themselves for the next game and not get into trouble with the local customs. From the antics of some of team, we think one of them will cause a stir.

Group 1
Sel Appa 4–0 Icy Cold Death Touch
Jeruselem 3–1 Ixania
The Archregimancy 4–1 Kiryu-Shi

Group 12
KaMaRi 2–2 Starblaydia
Glaycia 0–0 Vephrall
Jeru FC 3–1 Europa Brittania

World Cup Qualification - Group 5
MD1: vs Gerainia (3-1) (@ Gwangdong Imperial Sports Complex and Stadium, Gwangju)
MD2: @ Ad'ihan (1-2) (@ Protectorate Stadium, Ad'ihan)
MD3: vs Universitus University (3-1) (@ King Kim Iljei Memorial Football Stadium, Malnira)
MD4: @ kenavt (4-1) (@ Granderson Stadium)
MD5: vs Lingdinis Insania (3-0) (@ Sanhaemun Football Stadium, Jinhwangdo)
M6: @ Kura-Pelland
MD7: -bye-
MQ: vs Taeshan (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD8: @ Gerainia
MD9: vs Ad'ihan (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD10: @ Universitus University
MD11: vs kenavt (@ Goguryeo Football Stadium, Hanseong)
MD12: @ Lingdinis Insania
MD13: vs Kura-Pelland (@ Cha Beomgeun Memorial Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD14: -bye-
PQ: TBD


MBC Presents...
I Love My Wife!
아내를 사랑해요

Episode 5

Jang Manchun
Oh Yeongsuk
Jang Hanseok
Jang Nayeong
Jang Taemin
Choi Dongil
Yi Minsuk
Yi Gyuseong

*cue intro music*

*door bell*

Oh Yeongsuk: Since when did we have a doorbell?

Jang Manchun: *enters living room startled* What the heck was that?

Oh Yeongsuk: A doorbell, obviously.

Jang Manchun: *sighs with relief* Whew, I thought it was a fire alarm or worse.

Oh Yeongsuk: What could be worse than a fire alarm?

Jang Manchun: A sick and twisted dream of a fire alarm.

Oh Yeongsuk: Hmm... *doorbell rings again* Well, that proves we now have a doorbell.

Jang Hanseok: *enters* Are you guys going to just let it keep ringing?

Oh Yeongsuk: We were waiting for you to do it.

Jang Hanseok: Alright... *answers the door* Hello?

Yi Gyuseong: Hello, I'm here for Jang Hanseok.

Jang Hanseok: That would be me...

Yi Gyuseong: Hello, I'm Mr. Yi Gyuseong, and I'm here from Norae-pop. We've come across some of your videos, and we're seriously interested in... a lot of things really. The studio manager saw your videos, and he heard your voice in particular. He thinks that you have a lot of talent. You might be the next biggest thing since Jang Xue (Chang Xue of Ariddia).

Jang Hanseok: Wow! You really think?

Oh Yeongsuk: I've never heard of any of those people. What kind of people are you?

Jang Hanseok: Mr. Yi Gyuseong, this is my mom, Oh Yeongsuk.

Yi Gyuseong: My, you are a lovely lady. You must be very proud of your son.

Oh Yeongsuk: I'm flattered. I'd be prouder if he studied for his tests and did well on them.

Yi Gyuseong: And you must be the father?

Jang Manchun: Jang Manchun. Are you representing a recording studio?

Yi Gyuseong: Well, not just a recording studio. Norae-pop is a booming company that takes raw talent from young people makes a business out of it. Recordings are just one part of a booming multimedia society. Videos, track hits, advertising, endorsements, the works. This is the first ticket to stardom for any aspiring popstar.

Oh Yeongsuk: He is not becoming a pop star! He is becoming a great doctor and he's not interested in your multimedia booming society!

Jang Hanseok: Mom... this really could be a big break for me.

Yi Gyuseong: With all due respect, madam, Mr. Jang Hanseok is a legal citizen, and he is legally responsible for his own affairs. I think it's his decision whether he should or should not be interested.

Oh Yeongsuk: Citizen or not, he's my citizen!

Yi Gyuseong: Well, I can say that if Mr. Jang Hanseok joins with my company, he will be exempt from satisfying the 3-year martial conscription service requirement by age 25. If he's still in school for the next 3 years, he will be taken up by the military, where he will lose 3 years of his life serving this country. Not to take it for granted, because the Armed Forces do a great service for the Empire, but Hanseok has too much talent to let 3 years waste it.

Oh Yeongsuk: I'd rather him do the military service! He needs to learn some discipline!

Yi Gyuseong: Mrs. Oh, I'm only trying to be reasonable...

Jang Hanseok: Can we not talk about this right here right now?

Jang Manchun: *after a short but timid silence* I agree. Mr. Yi, I'm sorry for this, but we'll need some time to think about it.

Yi Gyuseong: No problem. We'll be back later to talk about this. Hanseok, if you're ready to talk about it, call me. Here's my card. My manager is not very patient, so let us know by next week.

Jang Manchun: *takes the card* Thank you! We'll be sure to let you know of our decision before then! *closes the door* That was unnecessarily tense.

Oh Yeongsuk: You should quit your band right now!

Jang Manchun: Honey, let's not be too hasty...

Oh Yeongsuk: You're sleeping on the couch tonight! *turns to Hanseok* Your stupid friends are ruining your life! You can't be a superstar! You're born to be a doctor! I know that when I was pregnant with you! I said to the doctor that this baby was going to be a doctor, and I won't let that fancy agent steal that away from you!

Jang Hanseok: Mom, you're being very unreasonable.

Oh Yeongsuk: Me? Unreasonable? You're the only one who isn't thinking about his future! How much do those people make a year?

Jang Hanseok: A lot more than a doctor.

Oh Yeongsuk: I doubt it!

Jang Hanseok: Mom, I'm not even going to talk about this. You've just completely embarrassed me in front of that guy, and I'm starting to get a great break.

Oh Yeongsuk: You know? For 22 years, I've clothed you, fed you, gave you a house, gave you everything you needed, and this is how you repay me? If you pass someone on the street, and they ask who is your mother, are you going to say you came from heaven?

Jang Manchun: Honey, that's enough!

Jang Hanseok: Bye! *slams door to his room furiously*

Oh Yeongsuk: *slaps Manchun* Well, you've got a big liver sticking out. What makes you think that I'm going to pay attention to you?

Jang Manchun: Honey! You should calm down first.

Oh Yeongsuk: I am calm!

Jang Manchun: Your screaming at me doesn't say that.

Oh Yeongsuk: I've spent all of their life teaching them how to live, and they're all just shoving me off!

Jang Taemin: *crying*

Jang Manchun: See, you've woke the baby now. *cuddles the baby*

Oh Yeongsuk: *pries Taemin from Manchun* It's all your fault!

Jang Manchun: My fault? How is that so?

Oh Yeongsuk: You're making all of the kids rebel against me! First Hanseok, and now Nayeong! They used to love me, but now they all hate me. Nayeong thinks I'm some terrible witch, and Hanseok probably does too, and it's all because you're teaching them to rebel against me!

Jang Manchun: I'm not teaching them to rebel against you. I'm teaching them to be independent. They can't rely ono you forever.

Oh Yeongsuk: Exactly! They need to have the best life so they won't make the same mistakes that I made. Like marrying you!

Jang Manchun: Honey!

Oh Yeongsuk: You really have me boiling. I don't even want to talk to you! *slams bedroom door shut and locked*

Jang Manchun: Well, there she goes again... *sets up couch for bed* But I guess I should talk to Hanseok. At least before he starts making up new ideas about how to deal with this. Maybe she's right...

World Cup Qualification - Group 5
MD1: vs Gerainia (3-1) (@ Gwangdong Imperial Sports Complex and Stadium, Gwangju)
MD2: @ Ad'ihan (1-2) (@ Protectorate Stadium, Ad'ihan)
MD3: vs Universitus University (3-1) (@ King Kim Iljei Memorial Football Stadium, Malnira)
MD4: @ kenavt (4-1) (@ Granderson Stadium)
MD5: vs Lingdinis Insania (3-0) (@ Sanhaemun Football Stadium, Jinhwangdo)
M6: @ Kura-Pelland
MD7: -bye-
MQ: vs Taeshan (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD8: @ Gerainia
MD9: vs Ad'ihan (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD10: @ Universitus University
MD11: vs kenavt (@ Goguryeo Football Stadium, Hanseong)
MD12: @ Lingdinis Insania
MD13: vs Kura-Pelland (@ Cha Beomgeun Memorial Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD14: -bye-
PQ: TBD


Captain Hwang was snoring very loudly. The only reason why it is substantially important to note first is because no one else could sleep last night because he had left his radio on (he sat on the knob that turned on the transmission) - so the whole crew listened to his obnoxious snoring on the intercoms normally reserved for barking commands and miscellaneous information that most of the people never needed to hear anyway. The next morning when the Captain came to the bridge, there was an air of unrest among the officers. He was completely oblivious to last night's events, although he was astutely aware that the officers were disturbed about something (after all, he was the only person who slept last night).

"What's wrong?" he asked his XO.

"Sir... we've got those satellite photos of the unidentified island." The XO certainly did not want to be the one who broached the Captain about the topic. "There appears to signs of primitive settlement."

"How can you tell by just the photos?"

"Well, we have some rather... disturbing pictures. There's some weird guy with a t-shirt talking to a rock right here." The XO switched the photos while Captain Hwang was still looking at the first photo. "This is the same man throwing the rock into a pond, missing completely and hitting a pig on the head. Here is the same man talking to what appears to be something on his pants. Either that or he's talking to a leaf. Here is the same man talking to another man, who suddenly appears on the island."

"Wait a minute," Captain Hwang then said, as if some brilliant idea came to his mind. "Is this all that the satellite took pictures of?"

"Not all. The Emperor apparently asked for a detailed sweep. We have pictures ranging from the man pissing on a tree to him running away from a savage horde of pineapples. That and the other man seems to be more sane. Here's a picture of the savage dragging the other man near a river. Here's the same other man building a grave."

"A grave?" The Captain seemed perplexed at that.

"Well, either that or an elaborate foxhole. He's got two sides more heavily fortified than the other two. Won't do much against the wind and the tide, but since he spends most of his time lying in it, I imagine that he's preparing for his soon-to-be-expected departure from this world."

"What does this mean for us?"

The XO cleared his throat. "Given by the state of dementia exhibited by the t-shirt guy, we suspect that he is a castaway from a ship that sank in the area at least 10 years ago. His characteristics indicate he has no common sense of dignity, civility, or sanity. His partner seems to have been present on the island only recently, maybe just before we arrived in force."

"My God. What a cruel fate that has befallen him!" Captain Hwang said in sympathetic horror.

The XO wanted to agree, but with the thought of last night on mind, he refrained from it. "Well, about the terrorists, it seems that the terrorists are using the western edge of the island. Convenient, really. Caves hide the majority of the encampment, while the rocky escarpments make an easterly land approach virtually unpalatable. For certain, we have located stocks of weapons. Lots of AKs. Lots of bombs too. They're heavily armed, and likely heavily defended too. There is one vessel in a cove, but it's shielded by the rocks. Hard to target. Judging by the markings, they're definitely Mujeongbu-affiliated."

"Well, that's good."

"What is?"

"Well, that we've caught them and they can't run away from us."

"Well, they're still on that island. With those two innocent bystanders."

"Hmm... we'll have to seize the island by force... somehow..."

The XO sighed, having to make a sensible suggestion. "Sir, might I suggest an aerial raid on the target? It's safer than landing the Marines, and might I also add the terrorists don't appear to have any anti-air capabilities? It's just a simple in and out routine, and since we've got a carrier with us, that just makes the option more sensible."

"Great idea. Launch the planes, and have them remove the targets."

Captain Hwang left the bridge, leaving the XO to bark the commands to the carrier. Immediately after the Captain left, the XO decided that it would be opportune as well to remove the civilian threat. After all, the one 10-year inhabitant was probably not going to be missed by society, and the other guy probably is presumed dead in his home country. Why not add some dignity to their passing, saying that they died in defense against terrorism? "This Gwanggaeto, to Seijong, Gwanggaeto to Seijong. You have orders to issue all of your aircraft and bomb the island to dust. Not an inch is to survive. Over."

PRESS COMMUNIQUE
For immediate release

The Football Federation of Ad’ihan is pleased to welcome national team manager Luke Evans back from the Olympic Games in Columbia, Bedistan, Unified Capitalist States. With his return, the AFF confirms the departure of Alex Lewis-Edwards from the team. Mr Lewis-Edwards will return to his prior position within the AFF, that of the United Islands League Championship technical official.

The AFF had originally planned to offer Mr Lewis-Edwards the assistant manager's job on a permanent basis. However, following the unacceptable loss to Universitus University on home soil, and upon consultation with Mr Evans, it was decided that Mr Lewis-Edwards should have no further coaching role for the duration of this campaign.

Mr Evans will resume his full-time duties as manager and head coach of the national team with the next match away at kenavt.

D1-1 (A) Kura-Pelland............JULIAN D'ABBO
W2-1 (H) Daehanjeiguk............ANTHONY JONES, PETER SCHILLING
W3-0 (A) Gerainia................FRANCIS YANG (2), KIERAN Ó BRANAGÁIN
L0-1 (H) Universitus University
X--- (A) kenavt

[OOC: Proper RPing will resume when I get my laptop back from the people repairing it...]

World Cup 42: Match Day Five

Rennidan : Kanji Starter
3:1



Match Report:

Rennidan - The storms are building up again.

It's a well known fact that storm season in Rennidan is pretty vicious. Rennida mountain and the island winds cause snow storms that can bury most roads and lightning storms that can rage for days. It's both an awe inspiring sight and a terrifying prospect. Storm season is perhaps one of Rennidan's busiest tourist seasons, as thousands flock to see the bizarre weather conditions.

For football, however, storm season means only one thing.
Mud.

The game was preset with some comedy as the Kanji Starter side came out and began slip sliding all over the pitch. The Rennidan side, obviously used to the conditions, turned a good deed and helped the Kanji side to their feet, before sharing a few tips on how to actually move in the mud.

Then came kick off.

And boy, did I wish Rennidan hadn't shared those tips.

The Kanji side flashed through the new Rennidan defence, and popped a lucky shot passed Diar Twils. This meant that Rennidan was standing at 0-1, 1 minute into the match and in front of a populace of nearly 85,000.

Needless to say, it did nothing for their nerves.

The first half continued with little more than a yellow card to a Kanji midfielder and a missed attempt from Drunn Deleks.

The Rennidan side left the first half with their heads hanging low. Not only were they losing at home, but they were losing to a team that the old Eagles would have easily beaten. Things did not bode well for Rennidan's new premier line up.

But something changed.

The Eagles came out in the second half invigorated and ready to go. They had gotten their heart for the game back. Whatever Malkoa said in that locker room, it worked.

It's Yetsom to Belon, Belon to Fersu, Fersu to Selks, who nutmegs an unsuspecting defender. Selks runs with it up the right wing, he's in a beautiful crossing position here.

His leg draws back, snaps forward, and the ball is sent forth to Selet Loek. A header! It glances off the crossbar, but the Kanji keeper fails to get his hands to it! Deleks comes in with a volley and flashes it past the flailing keeper.

1-1 at the 49th minute. Rennidan just might have a chance here.

And that chances comes in the 56th minute. Fortal knocks a striker to his feet, and takes the ball on a powerhouse run up past the halfway, where he knocks it far down field to the waiting feet of Loek. The striker turns and back heels it to Selks, who blasts it from outside the box into the back of the net to bring Rennidan to a lovely 2-1 situation. This has been the first time in the entire competition that Rennidan has been ahead in a game, and it looks like they're not going to stop here.

The 90th minute looms, and Rennidan make yet another break for the Kanji goal. Wallase chips the ball up and across to Deleks, who pushes on past the defence and dribbles it into the box. The keeper comes to meet him, and he flicks the ball up and over the diving goalie, but not with enough umph to get the ball to carry on past the line. So Deleks follows it's example, leaping over the sprawled out keeper, and dribbles the ball into the back of the net for a 3-1 victory for the Eagles.

Finally, Rennidan have points on the board.

_________


http://i280.photobucket.com/albums/kk176/rennidan/Logo-3.png

Rennidan: Matchday Six Preview.

RENNIDAN versus NEW ZOMBORIA


New Zomboria are yet another new face to the World Cup, and as such, Rennidan don't know what to expect. They could be a bunch of Prux, or they could be the new SLANI. Either way, Rennidan should be looking to nip these guys in the butt before they can get any momentum behind them against the Eagles. They currently stand higher that Rennidan in Group 4, but only by 2 points. A win for Rennidan is crucial here.

Land de Wood 3-1 Greal

In front of a packed stadium, Land de Wood defeated fellow new-comers Greal by three goals to one. The North Park stadium's sell out crowd of 27,500 had a full complement of 2750 fans from Greal and nearly 25000 home fans. The FA are said to be pleased with their experiment of taking this game to the north of the country and allowing fans who live at the other end of the country to the capital to see the national team in action.

So what about the game itself? Well Greal lined up with a defensive formation and set out their stall to grab another draw having got a credible draw against fourth seeds Arroza. Our Woodpeckers on the other hand were going in search of their first world cup qualifying win.

Aaron Whitemore and Ray Hammil linked up well down the right wing with Hammil often overlapping Whitemore and Whitemore covering the young full back. It was in the seventeenth minute this paid dividends when Whitemore played the ball to the overlapping Hammil, who crossed it in and Gary Hoggins headed home. One-nil to the Woodpeckers.

Well this forced Greal to start attacking a bit more, but left gaps at the back which Steve Redrow exploited, in the thirty second minute, he played the ball into Ray Horse, who beat his man and launched the ball into the top left hand corner of the net, from thirty yards out, leaving the goalie no chance.

So half time, two-nil up, though David Aimer had picked up a yellow card for a silly tackle.

So on into the second half and in the sixtieth minute of the game, Greal pulled one back after a mistake by David Aimer, gave their striker a free run at goal.

Land de Wood needed some fresh impetus and Larry Derby came of for the returning David Clemence, while Tom Darkless also returned coming on for Richard Higgins, with Ray Horse switching to the attack.

In the seventy-first minute this paid dividends when David Clemence played the ball to Tom Darkless who went on a forty yard run beating two men before being hauled down on the edge of the area. Woodrow Derby stepped and and curled the free kick into the top right hand corner leaving the goalie no chance.

The game ended three-one but in the eighty-first minute Ray Horse went of with what looked like a hamstring injury, having missed the first couple of qualifiers following an injury in the Baptism of Fire, he could now face another time out of action.

This was the one note of sadness in an otherwise very encouraging day for the Woodpeckers, who now face the mighty Bazalonia away, in a game no one gives them a chance of winning, but in football well you just never know.

We are hearing Ray Horse will be replaced in the starting line up by Tom Darkless, while David Aimer is dropped after a disappointing performance, Stephen Diddon returning in his place.

So the team will be:
Patrick Clemence
Ray Hammil Gary Lewis Stephen Diddon Woodrow Derby
Aaron Whitemore Larry Derby Steve Redrow
Tom Darkless
Gary Hoggins Richard Higgins

THE REVELATION OF QUALIFICATION
ACCORDING TO FR. JOHN THE GOLDEN-THROATED

VI
[1] And I stood within the football ground, and saw a beast rise up out of the sea, having seven heads and ten horns, and upon his horns ten crowns, and upon his heads the blasphemous name of Sel Appa.
[2] And the beast which I saw was like unto a turtle, and his feet were as the feet of a bear, and his mouth as the mouth of a lion: yet the turtle gave him his power, and his seat, and great authority.
[3] And I saw one of his heads as it were wounded to death; for the Archregimancy had taken a two goal lead: and all the world wondered after the beast.
[4] And they worshipped the turtle which gave power unto the beast: and they worshipped the beast, saying, Who is like unto the beast? who is able to make war with him?
[5] And there was given unto him a mouth speaking great things and blasphemies; and power was given unto him to continue forty the second forty five minutes.
[6] And he opened his mouth in blasphemy against God, to blaspheme his name, and his tabernacle, and them that dwell in heaven.
[7] And it was given unto him to make war with the saints, and to overcome them: and power was given him over all kindreds, and tongues, and nations, and through this power did he pull a goal back, leading to a fraught final ten minutes.
[8] And all the opposing fans did worship him, whose names are not written in the book of life of the Lamb slain from the foundation of the world.
[9] If any man have an ear, let him hear.
[10] He that leadeth into captivity shall go into captivity: he that killeth with the sword must be killed with the sword. Here is the patience and the faith of the saints, and this was the patience and faith that led to our victory
[11] And I beheld another beast coming up out of the earth; and he had two horns like a lamb, and he spake as a dragon, though his touch was icy cold as death.
[12] And he exerciseth all the power of the first beast before him, and causeth the earth and them which dwell therein to worship the first beast, whose deadly wound was healed.
[13] And he doeth great wonders, so that he maketh fire come down from heaven on the earth in the sight of men,
[14] And deceiveth them that dwell on the earth by the means of those miracles which he had power to do in the sight of the beast; saying to them that dwell on the earth, that they should make an image to the beast, which had the wound by a sword, and did live.
[15] And he had power to give life unto the image of the beast, that the image of the beast should both speak, and cause that as many as would not worship the image of the beast should be killed.
[16] And he causeth all, both small and great, rich and poor, free and bond, to receive a ticket in their right hand, or carved on their foreheads:
[17] And that no man might enter the ground for the match, save he that had the mark, or a receipt for his ticket.
[18] Here is wisdom. Let him that hath understanding count the cost of the ticjet: for it is the number of a man; and the cost of the ticket was Six hundred threescore and six.
[19] Yet for all this, the Archregimancy didst also overcome their icy cold touch of death, 2-0.


VII
[1] And I saw another sign in heaven, great and marvellous, seven teams having the seven matches; for in them is filled up the wrath of God.
[2] And I saw as it were a sea of glass mingled with fire: and them that had gotten the victory over the beast, and over his image, and over his mark, and over the number of his name, stand on the sea of glass, having the harps of God.
[3] And they sing the song of Moses the servant of God, and the song of the Lamb, saying, Great and marvellous are thy works, Lord God Almighty; just and true are thy ways, thou King of saints.
[4] Who shall not fear thee, O Lord, and glorify thy name? for thou only art holy: for all nations shall come and worship before thee; for thy judgments are made manifest.
[5] And after that I looked, and, beheld our match against Kiryu-shi as the temple of the tabernacle of the testimony in heaven was opened:
[6] And the seven teams came out of the temple, playing the seven matches, clothed in their national kits, and having their breasts girded with golden girdles.
[7] And one of the beasts gave unto the seven teams seven golden vials full of the wrath of God, who liveth for ever and ever.
[8] And the temple was filled with smoke from the glory of God, and from his power; and no man was able to enter into the temple, till the seven matches of the seven teams were fulfilled.
[9] And the last match of the first seven matches before the seven final matches was the match against Kiryu-Shi.
[10] And Behold! It ended in victory, as the monks of the Archregimancy went forth girded with golden girdles and won 4-1.

"Boot Jooun.... Thees ves sooppused tu be-a a senseeble-a cempeeegn, veet a senseeble-a teem, egeeenst senseeble-a ooppunents, indeeng veet senseeble-a qooeleefficeshun fur a senseeble-a tuoornmunt, vhere-a ve'd perffurm senseebly."

"It is senseeble-a, oold freeend. Ve're-a secund in zee teble-a, zee oonly undeffeeted teem in oooor gruoop, ve'fe-a joost hed a credeeble-a 2-2 evey drev egeeenst zee feelthiest cheets in interneshunel fuutbell - vhu ere-a runked eheed ooff us - smeshed zee tup seeds in oooor gruoop 3-1, und oooor sqooed ooff interneshunel-cless hoomun fuutbellers ere-a dueeng us pruood. Mooch pruooder thun thuse-a bluncmunges ifer deed."

"Boot leestee tu us..."

"I du - I dun't hefe-a mooch chueece-a, du I? Shurt ooff gueeng deeff."

"Nu... yuoo knoo perffectly vell vhet I meun. Ve-a suoond _seelly_."

"Yuoo dun't knoo zee helff ooff it, oold freeend. Vhy, I remember oone-a Vurld Coop cempeeegn vhee ell ****ect veet zee Dreemed Reelm ves shoot ooffff fur veeks vhee a dreem iddy toorned must ooff zee pupooleshun ooff zee Huly Impure-a intu meeldly cumeecel fesceest deecteturs. Beleeefe-a me-a, hefeeng zee tvu must femuoos fuutbellers in zee cuoontry telkeeng leeke-a sume-a surt ooff cooleenery Scundeenefiun is meeld in cumpereesun."

"Yes... Boot.... Duesn't unytheeng nurmel ifer heppee eruoond here-a?"

"Deffeene-a 'nurmel'. Vhee reeleety is melleeble-a, ergooebly nutheeng is 'nurmel'. Nut hoo yuoo'd understund it, unyvey. Soorely telkeeng leeke-a a Svede-a fur a foo veeks is a smell preece-a tu pey fur immurteleety?"

"Vell..."

"Iferytheeng cumes et sume-a surt ooff cust, Seemeune-a. I theenk yuoo'd feend thet must peuple-a in oordeenery reeleety vuoold theenk yuoo'fe-a cume-a ooffff rezeer vell...."

"Vhee yuoo poot it thet vey..."

"Cume-a oon. Ve-a hefe-a unuzeer treeening sesseeun tu prepere-a fur. Ve-a cun qooeleeffy ootumeteecelly. Ve-a cun qooeleeffy tup ooff zee gruoop. Telkeeng in a seelly eccent vun't chunge-a thet! Bork, bork, bork."

(On the flight home)

Brooker: I never wanna go back there again. Ever.

Harrison: That is some sad stuff going on there, maybe it will can be a nice country again if their became a new form of government.

Brooker: It’s one of those things we take for granted, Mike, the hard work that our great law enforcement does for us. We never have to worry about that in Newmanistan, and it’s just as safe in Dunboor in Cafundeu.

Prescott: Agree, it’s not an easy job that they do.

Parnett: And thankfully we got the three points, man, that could have been a disaster.

McAllister: We did a good job in these two games, now, we know what we have to do coming up next.

Carson: Guys, I am real proud of what you all did in the last two. We may have exorcized some ghosts with getting the six points against the lesser teams.

McAllister: Not until we get 12 more, coach.

Carson: Good answer.

Harrison: Do you think there will be a new government there again? Or will it just go into ruin, or will another country take over the land?

Prescott: I say we take it over and claim it as a colony of Newmanistan.

Drummond: Brett, it’s a good thing you’re not a national leader, we’d be in a constant state of war. Or, in other words, Bostopia.

Prescott: That’d be fine with me!

Brooker: Man, 4-0-1 is staring us right in the face. I can’t believe Az-Cz is so vulnerable right now.

Carson: They, in recent Cups, have not been a team to start quickly, but eventually they get hot when it matters and find their way to qualify. Maybe they are disinterested with qualifying or something. Eventually they’ll have a break out game.

Brooker: They will, but it won’t be at Pocono City Stadium.

Carson: I’d like to win a qualifying game in Pock City, you know, we’re 0-0-2 there in qualifying.

Parnett: Well we would probably be better there if the Empress didn’t keep assigning our game against the top team in the group there each time. First Milchama then that Squorn place, and now Az-Cz.

McAllister: I have a good feeling about our chances here, we have some favorable matchups against them.

Brooker: But for now, thank God we made it out of Kansiov alive.

Harrison: Amen to that.

Scene: A boardroom at ASN (Arroza Sports Net Headquarters)

Chairman (Robert Gayle): I've called this meeting to order to discuss some of the regional sub-managers concerns about some of the recent programming choices we've made over the last month.

Llanura Representative (Hector Avellano Garza): Concerns! You took soccer completely off the network, and you're not even covering the National team in Qualifying! I's say that I'm more than concerned.

Rest of Table: [muttering]

Pine Forest Rep (Vernon Jackson): No one gives a damn about soccer.

Chairman: Seriously, look at the ratings. Soccer was gettin worse ratings for men's qualifiers than replays of the World's Strongest Man competition. It got worse ratings than Lacrosse. It got worse ratings than a clip show of the Moonshine Car Series Wrecks. So to complete that we did a poll...and it showed that fully %63 percent of Arrozans would rather watch paint dry than Soccer in it's current form. So to protect our profitability, we're actually going to take a virulently anti-soccer stance from here out, except in the Llanura.

Llanura Rep: You've got to be kidding me.

Chairman: From now on, there will be no nationwide coverage of Soccer. Soccer will not be shown as a televised sports option on any of our nationwide cable channels. All newspapers that we send sports informaition to will no longer carry any relevant news about the game, except for a small box-score. Even the Rockport Illuminator, our best client in the Llanura will stop carrying reports as management is going to try to also use this as a chance to turn that particulal paper into the non-latin paper in that area. Anyone?

[Everyone at the table grins about not having to care about Soccer anymore except for the obviously distraught rep from Arroza's sole latin province.]

Chairman(continuing): We're also doing this since we just got word from the Ministry of Sport that they're gutting Soccer's budget 95%. No more endorsements, no more flying business class, no more chartered flights at all. It's back to flying coach to the necessary games, and nothing further...no friendly money, no money to train or scout, nothing for the youth league, nothing. It's all going to American Football, Basketball, and Auto Racing. We assume the sport will continue in some way, but it definitely won't be with any of the people we see out there now. And if it does survive, we won't care or carry it.

Meeting adjourned.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Arroza 3: Lancaster 37,51 (3) Parrish 48
Bazalonia 6: A lot of people – A lot of times

Glaycia factbook part 4 of several

Flora and Fauna- Between the glaciers and the wastelands only 22% of the isle has any sort of vegetation at all. The tundra regions in the central and western parts of the isle grow scattered fungi, lichens and algae which supports some insect life. The grasslands in the south and east provide fodder for the many sheep found on the isle as well as about 15% of the area suitable for farming. Small birch trees grow in the eastern portion of the isle as well as a small patch of pine trees near the southern coast mixed in with some birches. Sheep are the most common form of livestock with some cattle on the isle. while mice, rats, arctic foxes, rabbits, reindeer and squirrels make up the bulk of the remainder of the mammals on the isle. Birds are fairly common as Glaycia is a common resting point for certain sea birds as they move from east to west. The most important animal however is fish as fishing is one of the main parts of the isle’s economy.

www.KTTSporcentral.ko.tk

Game in Hand
By Hakan Temuz
The Turks have a game in hand on the leaders Wentland and will have to close the gap by winning tonight, this will bring the Turks within touching distance of first place. Although it is to early to tell where we will end up theres no harm in getting points up on the board as they say "every little helps."

Captain-manager relations.
By Cem Ibrahim
The media will often create rumors and one of the prominent ones was that there would be a battle for captain of the team, but it appears it's the close realtionship between the two men that has helped the team push forward early on in the campaign.

Atmospheric in defeat
By Osman Nakit
I feel that I must commend the fans for their behavior during the defeat, they gave the team a good atmosphere even though they lost. The Army were deployed just in case of trouble however they were not needed as both sets of fans left the stadium with no trouble. Our fans are developing a reputation as hooligans and the KTTFF are attempting to change that image with a greater police presence at matches and it appears to be working.

Knights tie Firebugs

On saturday night the Purple Knights contnued there lossless streak vs the Yafor 2 Firebugs with a 1-1 tie. The Knights scorer was Brian Ying Uing in the 40th minute, while the Yaforite scored an early goal in the 9th minute just barely past Tad Montagues outstretched hands.

Next the Knights face there big rivals Solenial one of the more famous Taeshani rivals in the Atlantea Colliseum. Tickets are now unavailable as they were all snatched up in two weeks. The skybox seats were recorded at costing up to 10,000 dollars. Wow. Go Knights.

Im to late probably....

Sokojito Übergoals V?
by Rami Niblick in Sokojito Dosi

Sixty-four years ago, the Unified CapitaliZt States hosted the World Cup. As part of their preparations, they built a state-of-the-art, four-hundred thousand capacity stadium in Sokojito Dosi. And they called it the Überdome.

The lucky souls to help the UCS christen this particular mecca of the round ball game were our very own Aces, in the opening match of their group. It became clear that this stadium was going to produce some interesting atmosphere, but what followed next was completely unexpected, as the CapitaliZts and the Krytenians played out an astonishing nine-goal thriller. A hat-trick for Robin Spivey - just days before the fatal bus crash that claimed his life - was not enough to get Krytenia the win, but it was enough to create a legend. Just a few days later, the Aces defeated Tadjikistan 5-2 in the same stadium, and the legacy of the Überdome was ensured.

Since then, we've seen 3-2 and 6-2 victories for the UCS side over the Krytenians in this magnificent arena, still ahead of its time over six decades after it was built. Will this new instalment bring as many goals as its predecessors? We shall find out later today.

U.C.S. SLANI
- v -
KRYTENIA

Dancougar News
That last post was definitely not fueled by Sunday's events, no sir.

Dancougar 3 v 2 Linpada (FT): The visitors came to play! The Wings will be happy to come away with the three points, but questions will be asked of Yuji Watanabe after his error allowed the team from Linpada to get back into the game in the second half. It set up a tense finish that saw the Wings defend madly for the final five minutes, negative play that had the media upset at coach Charles DuPont for the team's shaky form.

"What's important is that the team finds a way to win," said DuPont after the game. "Obviously we didn't play as hard as we should have." Obviously. It only sounded like an excuse that nobody wanted to hear, especially with a tough road test against Nire and Nire looming.

Mikhail Balalaika, Kevin Underwood, and Shiro Furuya all got their first starts as part of DuPont's new experiments with lineup freshness. He probably figured he could afford to against unranked Linpada, even though they had just upset Lovisa and figured to be on the upswing. That theory was proven right, in part, when they got the lead eight minutes into the game. A poor clearance by Sho Yukikaze let to an immediate counterattack that saw three players crash the box. The cross came in and it was headed home while Watanabe stood frozen.

Down a goal but with almost the whole game to make it up, the Wings tried to reassert control. Linpada pushed forward hard to try and get a second goal quickly, and the Wings scrambled to cover. Watanabe snagged a long shot in the 13th that took a mighty dip over the last ten yards of its flight, but Watanabe was on it all the way. The Wings started to get more chances of their own, with Underwood slipping a ball through to Dan Potts, who just couldn't reach it in time. The 22nd minute saw the equalizer, as Whittaker's floated cross drifted to the far post and ended up on the head of Shiro Furuya, who pounded it low to make it 1-1.

The tie became a lead just three minutes later, as Dan Potts sprung Whittaker on the left side with a through ball between two defenders. Whittaker raced behind them and reached it first. The hands went up but to no avail, and the midfielder coolly slid it into the far corner of the net to make it 2-1 with his first goal in qualifiers. "Pottsy just saw me make a break and he made a great pass," said Whittaker. "I was just happy I didn't push the ball too far ahead and lose my shot!"

The Wings threatened to score again in the 31st, but this time the driven shot from Potts was easily handled by the Linpada 'keeper. The visitors got their next chance in the 39th on a free kick, after Kevin Underwood earned a yellow for a hard side tackle at the top of the box. The taker decided to go for goal, but there wasn't enough bend around the wall and it went harmlessly wide. The Wings had the bulk of the possession for the last half hour and looked more comfortable at halftime.

"They were really making us work," said Furuya. "They did a lot of good things off the ball with their movement, and we just weren't adjusting the way we should have." Other players echoed the sentiment, although one wonders if less complaining and more running would've solved that problem.

The second half saw a flurry of chances at the start from both sides. Potts saw his first shot deflected wide in the 47th after he steered around a defender to get an open look. Dylandy tried his luck in the 49th and was denied by the 'keeper's fist. Linpada struck back with a lightning counter in the 53rd that resulted in a corner, and Watanabe came off his line to pick the ball out of the air.

Watanabe took a knock on the way down that Balalaika didn't like, and for his efforts, he received a yellow. "I thought he came in late," he said after the game. "And I let the guy know that."

The Wings got what appeared to be the insurance goal just past in the hour mark. Dylandy sparked a run down the right and had Potts following in the middle. He was aiming to cross it for Furuya or Underwood, but the defender cut him off. He tried to break free and was able to create enough space to swing in a low pass. The ball bounced into the box and Potts took a swing at it. The 'keeper was surprised by the ball's sudden change in direction and it snuck in to make it 3-1.

But Linpada were not done. They took this as a cue to push forward and play more offensive football. First Yukikaze let up an easy shot which Watanabe barely managed to push out, and then van der Horst failed to clear out a corner that was turned into a header that just went wide of the post. With fifteen minutes to go, they'd had five shots on target to Dancougar's one, a weak effort by Furuya that dribbled into the 'keeper's arms. On came Stanley Carter for Furuya, bringing the Wings to a 5-4-1, much to the home crowd's disapproval.

Dylandy had a chance to put the game out of sight in the 81st when he faked a pass with his left and was able to push right of the defender for a clear shot, but the Linpada 'keeper came off the line to make a spectacular point-blank save. It looked, though, as if the game was in the books as the seconds ticked away. But Linpada had the energy for more. In the 85th minute, Linpada won a corner which was taken short. The ball was crossed high into the box and headed down by van der Horst right to the foot of a Linpada striker, who rifled it on goal. Watanabe was rushing to get back into position and could only reach behind him as the ball sailed through. 3-2 with five minutes to play!

The crowd was stunned and recalled the Milchama game where the Wings, in the same position that Linpada were in now, scored twice in the final ten minutes to earn a draw. Would they be paid back in kind? Underwood attempted to play defense by attacking, but his pass for Potts was cut off to spring the counter. But the attack bogged down as the Wings intensified their marking. A free kick in the first minute of injury time was Linpada's last chance, but the kick sailed wide.

Fans ask "Where's the beef?": A third of the way into qualifiers, the Wings are playing... shall we say... rather average football? Higher expectations were had despite the team's crash during World Cup 41, although some think that perhaps Dancougar is finally undergoing the sophomore slump it managed to avoid.

"I'd like to think that we were better than lucky," said forward Hideo Ikeda, who hasn't yet seen action. "Maybe we need to call those boys who do the thing with the chickens."

"Is it that we've gotten worse or everyone else has gotten better? It's gotta be a little of both, really," said Lyle Dylandy. "I mean, football is never a constant thing. We have some things that we're doing well, some things we need to fix... it's like that for everyting. That's all part of the drama."

Lakeport Times columnist Jay Adonis mentioned several possibilities for the run in a recent article. He says that the level of competition in the D-League isn't yet high enough to really produce world class players, and he cites the results of the IUCC tournaments to show that Dancougar's college leagues have ceased to be dominant with the rise of Vephrall and Ad'ihan's own systems.

World Cup 42 Factbook: A look at the next match of World Cup 42 qualifiers, brought to you by Nassin, who reminds you to move the way you shift through the world.

Opponent: Nire and Nire
Rank: 47
History: First Meeting

Dancougar has never met Nire and Nire, which simplies to Nire via boolean algebra. But is Nire's game as simple as their reduced form? Well, they're currently a middle-of-the-pack team along with the Black Wings, but they're smarting after a 4-1 loss to Lovisa. Hmm, do we play everybody after Lovisa does? It just seems that way. Then again, we certainly don't play Lovisa after they play Lovisa, since that would probably cause the universe to fold in on itself. Although it could be a practice squad.... aaaaah, this doesn't even have anything to do with the game against Nire!

Charles DuPont says he's going to return to the striking pair of Jinguuji and Ikeda for this one, even though Dan Potts has played very well in his first tourmament. Akira Morimoto will be out, however, replaced by Hikaru Waya. So how do they match up with Nire now? Pretty hard for us to say, given their lack of a press release and all. Regardless of that, the Wings need to come up with something on the road while they're not playing their best football. Not a recipe for success.
Prediction: 2-2

PAST PREDICTIONS
2-1 @ Lovisa, actually 1-2: Well, we DID get the score right.
1-3 v Milchama, actually 3-3: Eh, half right. Those late goals by Googe were a nice touch.
2-0 @ Spazican States, actually 2-0: Oh, we're good.
3-1 v Linpada, actually 3-2: We were doing so well until that late goal... stupid defense!

You like your neighbour? No, I don't mean that underaged cute girl trying to get you in jail for paedophilia. I mean: Do you like people enough that you'd help them? If so, Septentrionia needs you! We are a democratic socialist community, so you can have other opinions while not being arrested, despite what the Bostopians tell you. And moving here doesn't cost a lot: the flight from the UCS to Septentrionia only costs SCF 1093!

Le Gouvernement de la Septentrionie commandite ce RP Cutoff thread for MD6

Greal World Cup 42 Match 5

The match against Land De Wood did not improve things. It ended in a loss for Greal, but Ross Trent managed to score his first goal in the World Cup qualifying matches. They took the opportunity of the rest day by watching other teams play, and train for their next match against Bazalonia, which they would most likey lose. But they would put up tough resistance.

Schedule

20/8 (wed) - qualifying MD01 @ Nuevos Aires (WIN 1-0)
21/8 (thu) - qualifying MD02 vs Bostopia (LOSS 0-5)
22/8 (fri) - qualifying MD03 @ Prux (LOSS 0-2)
23/8 (sat) - qualifying MD04 vs. Arroza (DRAW 1-1)
24/8 (sun) - qualifying MD05 @ Land de Wood (LOSS 1-3)
25/8 (mon) - qualifying MD06 OFF DAY/BYE (No Matches)
26/8 (tue) - qualifying MD07 vs. Bazalonia
27/8 (wed) - mid-qualifying friendlies (Caf)
28/8 (thu) - qualifying MD08 vs Nuevos Aires
29/8 (fri) - qualifying MD09 @ Bostopia
30/8 (sat) - qualifying MD10 vs Prux
31/8 (sun) - qualifying MD11 @ Arroza
1/9 (mon) - qualifying MD12 vs Land de Wood
2/9 (tue) - qualifying MD13 OFF DAY/BYE
3/9 (wed) - qualifying MD14 @ Bazalonia

Jeruselem Government News

Canons blown away while The Hos scare off the Saints

Jeru FC had a miserable day getting smashed by Vephrall 6-1 in display of awesomeness. Our army team tried hard but looked out of place with a real football team smashing them around. Coach Alfredo Neves said "Maggie was on their side. It wasn't very fair!"

Jeruselem had a tricky away game to some monastery in Magna Sancta Sedes. Magna Sancta Sedes aren't a top 10 seed, but might have been looking at the current results. The team of Saints (resurrected), but are not quite zombies either. The Saints beat 2-0 at home and hoped Jeruselem would fall too.

One hallmark of Jeruselem is ... attack. Of all the teams in Group 1, Jeruselem have the best attack and still do. The Saints tried hard giving our keeper Jane Darian a bit of a workout. The conditions in the monastery weren't suit for the Princesses due to the hostile crowd and rather basic accomodation available. However, Jeruselem are seasoned campaigners with loads of experience. It was a tough game with both sides fighting hard to get control.

The dam droke for the Saints when Sally Kool scrambled to kick in a loose ball for the first goal. Soon after Jenny Sloan put in a great header to make it harder 2-0. The Saints tried hard but the two little defenders Jacinta and Sadie put them off their game with their determined dogged defenses. Flak Sho made it impossible with a 3rd goal when the Saints lost the ball while attacking.

Jeruselem are looking good and have earned a good rest with the bye next. They will stay top even after the bye. Jeru FC are clinging to 4th in Group 12.

Looking at the group Jeruselem lead with the Monks expected to hold 2nd. Magna Sancta Sedes are 3rd punching above their rank and looking a winner while Kiryu-Shi sit in 4th still with some hope. Sel Appa, the 10th seed ... are 5th with just one win and need to get moving! Sel Appa are some 12 point behind 20th seed Jeruselem. The two other teams are playing like they should.

The Jeruselem girls avoided any funny incidents involving nudity in public for once apart from the coach answering her room door naked at night to the shock of the hotel attendant. The two Nuns on the team spent most of day chasing autographs from all the Saints.

Group 1
Magna Sancta Sedes 0–3 Jeruselem
Kiryu-Shi 1–0 Sel Appa
Ixania 0–2 The Archregimancy


Group 1 P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Jeruselem 6 5 1 0 17 5 +12 16
2 The Archregimancy 5 4 0 1 10 4 +6 12
3 Magna Sancta Sedes 5 3 1 1 7 5 +2 10
4 Kiryu-Shi 5 2 0 3 8 12 −4 6
5 Sel Appa 5 1 1 3 8 8 0 4
6 Icy Cold Death Touch 5 1 1 3 3 9 −6 4
7 Ixania 5 0 0 5 4 14 −10 0


Group 12
Cauci 2–1 Glaycia
Europa Brittania 0–1 KaMaRi
Vephrall 6–1 Jeru FC

QBC WORLD CUP 42 COVERAGE

"Hello all, I'm John Cadding, Beck Davidham will be back from his bout with the Newmanistani Flu just after the halfway point. Today was the first ever match between Kannone and Qazox and with a 3-1 win, the Pheonix finish the first half of qualifying 1st in Group 4, with a 5-0-1 record, the lone blemish, a 0-1 loss at Kelssek. Let's take a look at this match:

Minute 24:
"Kannone Forward #1 shoots and GOOOAL. 1-0 Kannone here just past the mid-point of the 1st half, and perhaps the long flight here from Qazox has the team a bit jet-lagged.

"But this team has always been a good road team, and just minutes later, the score was tied..."

Minute 32:
"Down 1-0, Qazox is pushing forward, lead by Kallie Jaus. Jaus throws it in to Maria Lupe Reyes, over to Spingler, back for Tarricone, over to Valladores and GOOOOOALLLL! Renna Valladores makes it 1-1 here in the 32nd minute."


"The half ended 1-1 and Ryan Greenley decided to shake up the team a bit, as they didn't seem to have the spark, In came David Shultz for Stevie Spingler and Yolanda Christian came in for Anderson Tarricone, whose sore ankle was still bothering him a bit. The spark came in the 56th minute..."

Minute 56:
"David Shultz, who came in for Spingler lines up the corner kick here and its in and GOOOOOALLLL! Yolanda Christian with the header and 2-1 Qazox and the crowd is stunned quiet, as the 5' 8" Christian out-jumped the 6' 3" defender for that goal. What a great deflection and goal!"


"Even with a 2-1 lead, the Phoenix still were playing sloppy and it wasn't until late that this match was sewn up...

Minute 90 (+1):
"A minute into Injury time here, with about 3 minutes of it left. And Qazox is gearing up for one last push here, up 2-1. Jaus finds Schultz on the wing, he sends it forward for Renna Valladores who swarmed by the defense. Valladores keeps it, finds Jaus. shoots, blocked, taken by Cruz-Preli, and GOOOOOOAL! Maria Cruz-Preli makes it 3-1 here in injury time and the wind has gone completely out of Kannone's sails here, as they tried to steal at least a point from the Pheonix, but Qazox will leave with a very ugly win."


"Now with a couple of weeks off before travelling to Rennidan, Qazox looks to be in good shape to qualify for its 8th consecutive World Cup.


QAZOX Goals:
Valladores: 5
Jaus: 4 (1 PK)
Tarricone: 2
de Olivares: 2
Spingler: 1
Cruz-Preli: 2 (1 PK)
St. Louis: 1
Erca: 1
Christian: 1