NationStates Jolt Archive

Green Wombat Daily Tattler

A victory over Ron Paulovia today, 1-0, keeps the Wombats within striking distance of the leader in Group 8. But the big challenge is next, Valanora, at home. While the Wombats were lucky, by most accounts, to get a draw in Valanora, matching that result could be difficult, as the Marauders, rarely do not beat a team in the 2nd leg of the matches. If Green wombat somehow manages a win or draw, then perhaps qualification is not such a long shot, but a loss would almost cripple the chances.

SCORING:
GW: Pauline Utley- 29'


SCHEDULE:
MD1: vs. Ron Paulovia WIN 3-2
MD2: @ Valanora Draw 3-3
MD3: vs. Demot Lost 1-3
MD4: @ West Zirconia Draw 2-2
MD5: BYE
MD6: vs. Central Prestonia WIN 3-0
MD7: @ Blouman Empire Lose 1-3
BYE DATE
MD8: @ Ron Paulovia WIN 1-0
MD9: vs. Valanora
MD10: @ Demot
MD11: vs. West Zirconia
MD12: BYE
MD13: @ Central Prestonia
MD14: vs. Blouman Empire


RECORD: 3-2-2 4th place in group. (-2 points from playoff)
GOALS:
Utley: 5
Blessing: 4
Henke: 2
Wilcox: 1
Karp: 1

THE ROCKET REPORT

UNABLE TO SWEEP JASI-YUN

Jasi-yun- It would have been nice. Picking up a second win over Jasi-yun could have gone a long way into getting one of those 30 World Cup spots that are up for grabs into Newmanistanian possession. But because it would have been nice, meant that it was something that was not to have been expected, and that was the case. In the end, the Rockets earn a split with SLANI’s little brother. It was a 2-1 result, in favor of the home side who were very vocal in their support of their team as they knew just how important this match was to them. What this probably means now is that Newmanistan must defeat Sorthern Northland in the next matchday. Whereas a draw there may have been enough, it’s just not looking like it will be. Az-Cz is in their groove, so is Jasi-yun, who just won their 5th match in 6 games. Then there’s Sorthern Northland, who got off to a great start. Newmanistan is performing well, but the table is crowded, and there are no seats for the Rockets at this rate. A win against the Northerners, in itself, wouldn’t be enough, but certainly would help.

The game opened with a very competitive spirit. Jasi-yun wanted to score quickly and seemed to have the confidence that they could do so based on their recent run of form. The Rockets too, wanted to score early, because that could quiet down the crowd. So there was no feeling out process, no being conservative at the start, just plenty of intense football. The back ends of each side did a fantastic job though in the opening making sure that there would be no early goals. None of the shots were particularly troubling for the goalkeepers of the ones that were on target, but many of them sailed wide. When there were corners, they were defended brilliantly. More minutes ticked away, and at around the 20 minute mark, it seemed as though the teams realized that they were in for a war here, and the pace settled down. Either that, or they were just getting exhausted from the frantic beginning. There started to be some chippiness with four yellow cards handed out between minutes 25 and 35. Two apiece. I’m sure you can guess who one of the Rockets players were. Yes, Mr. Prescott. The other a little more unlikely, handed out to Sheldon Talcott. The first half would end with plenty of action, but a pair of zeroes on the scoreboard.

The way the first half went wasn’t really the way the Rockets wanted, even though you would say that with conventional logic, that kind of first half would favor the underdog. There was not a sense of that. Instead, there was a feeling of dejection in the locker room as they felt they did everything they could to take the lead. And they did. If their best was good enough to be level with Jasi-yun on the road, then that’s not really a bad thing. But they wanted the lead, because a win here would be huge. Coach Carson had a little more motivating then he wanted to do, perhaps, but he seemed confident that they were ready for the second half, and that they would just keep on doing what they were doing.

Unfortunately, keep on keeping on was not good enough, and the Rockets were a little sloppy at the beginning of the second half, especially in the midfield. A poor passing decision by Alex Parnett intended for Chris Peterson led to a turnover, and a rush for Jasi-yun with numbers. Jeremy Brooker, Michael Harrison, and Sheldon Talcott all were back, but as usual, the opponent sent the ball away from Brooker’s side. When the Jasi-yun player pushed off Talcott (and no foul! Dammit ref where was the call!), Corey Hennis was left helpless. The end result? Of course, 1-0 Jasi-yun in minute number 50. Talcott was infuriated by the no call on the shove, and let the referee hear it until the ref pulled out a yellow card. Yellow, number two. Being a man down now, the Rockets were not about to pack it in, and they seemed to catch a little inspiration to want to do it for Sheldon. And then there was Brett Prescott, doing his best to lure one of the Jasi-yun players to get their second yellow as well. In the 61st minute, this extra boost seemed to lift Newmanistan, and led to the equalizing goal, coming off the foot of Shawn Drummond. Shawn made most of the play happen himself using his speed and dribbling skills to get around two defenders before unleashing a shot on goal. Perfectly placed in the top left corner to tie up the contest. Eventually, the numbers game will catch up to you, and the home side began to make some adjustments to their game plan to where they could best exploit their advantage. You have to give credit here to Corey Hennis, because he did a great job for as long as he could keeping the score level, with some dazzling saves, especially one in the 79th minute. The defenders all did a great job with their positioning, and Carson used Mark McCafferty late in place of midfielder Chris Peterson as it seemed as though Newmanistan was becoming content with just trying to get out of here with a 1-1 draw. At 90 minutes, we were all tied up, still. Sadly, the referee was a little generous in giving out three minutes of stoppage time, and by our clock, the three minutes were up and the whistle should have blown on a Jeremy Brooker clear. But the official from Daehanjeiguk apparently didn’t think it was a good enough clear, allowed for one more rush, and we all know how this is going to end. Yep, a goal. 2-1 Jasi-yun. Surely there wasn’t a Han bias here. Right? The folowing post game comments from Carson and the players will let you know what they think.


Carson: “I was angered on the second yellow to Sheldon. Now we don’t have him against Sorthern Northland. Shawn Morton will play in his place. This is about as upset as I have ever been with officiating at the World Cup level. But we will learn from this and move on. Preparation for the Northerners begins immediately.”

Brooker: “Coach told me that when I cleared, that 3:21 of stoppage time had ticked off the clock. Why wasn’t there a game ending whistle there? Daehanjeiguk refs should not be doing Jasi-yun games.”

Talcott: “Under a normal circumstance I would say that I let my team down. But ya know, that’s not the case. This ref did. I get shoved to the ground, an obvious foul, and I get carded for the second time? Both of my yellows were ridiculous.”

Hennis: “I blame myself for the second goal, but I don’t know why the game wasn’t over. We did a good job in the situation we were put in, and as a visitor in qualifying against a team higher in the rankings, you’re not usually going to get the calls.”

McAllister: “It really doesn’t matter what I think about the officiating, or if we got breaks. The game is over, we lost, and now we move on to what may be our most pivotal game of qualifying, at home against Sorthern Northland. We must get over this real quick.”

After the game coach Carson mentioned that Shawn Morton would start in place of Talcott, and Tony Borsinger, a starter in World Cup 41, will move from reserve to substitute. Morton is no stranger to Sorthern Northland, and in fact, he may actually be a better matchup against the likes of Hernandez and Waywide. Shawn was the captain of the Rockets Di Bradini 4 Cup winning team, a team that beat Sorthern Northland (that had Hernandez and Waywide, among several others) on it.

A grumpy Jacinta Sallad and her sister Kate

Jacinta: It's not fair!
Kate: Why is that sis?
Jacinta: Why is it everytime referees think I trying trip people when fall over in the penalty area?
Kate: Must be your aggressive style

Jacinta: I only look aggressive because I'm a small stupid looking bimbo. Well, I have to a bit aggressive to get work done.
Kate: Did you touch the Monk during the tackle?
Jacinta: No, I missed everything!
Kate: So he tripped over then?

Jacinta: He hit one of stupid lumps on that field so it looked like I knocked him over.
Kate: Well, they scored that goal and we still lost.
Jacinta: It's not fair, how come big people do that get away while little people like me don't.
Kate: I'm a little person too

Jacinta: Yeah, but you're not a defender. You can afford errors, I can't.
Kate: The ground was a bit lumpy
Jacinta: Stupid ref ... (waves fist)
Kate: It's alright, we go home to play them Turtles.

Jacinta: Didn't they lose to the Saints again?
Kate: Yeah, weird.
Jacinta: At least Dazza Dallas Stadium was a proper field. None of the lumpy crap.
Kate: Well, it's designed for flowing football not a hackfest.

Jacinta: I swear, people try to kick me in defense too.
Kate: It's just an accident.
Jacinta: Just because I'm small and stupid doesn't mean I'm a football too.
Kate: You're tough.

Jacinta: How come they don't pick on that Sadie
Kate: She's a bit taller than you.
Jacinta: Yeah, but she's still short. I'm shorter than her.
Kate: Don't blame me, ask Mum.

Monique: Hello girls, not happy Jacinta?
Jacinta: No! Not happy Jan!
Monique: I'm not Jan.
Kate: She's been watching too many Telstra ads.

Monique: Don't worry Jacinta, we had to lose some time.
Jacinta: Yeah, but it's my fault we lost even though the ref was blind as bat with clipped wings.
Kate: We'll kick ass at home.
Monique: Look, this is over. We have 5 more games.

Jacinta: still, I think refs think us short people try to hurt others.
Monique: You could tone down your style a little.
Jacinta: No, it's the only way to play for little people. We'll keep them rabbits out of China!
Monique: Eh? Rabbits? China?

Kate: Err, apparently Emperor Nasi Goreng built the Great Wall of China in 1276 to keep out the rabbits.
Monique: Um, that's just a silly joke ...
Jacinta: I know but just get what I mean.
Kate: Sis is cute when she's mad.

Monique: Actually, maybe we are the rabbits ... especially girls like you two.
Kate: Well, sis is not much taller than a rabbit
Jacinta: Hey, I'm not that small! Still, I am a rabbit of sorts.
Kate: Me too.

Monique: Looks like Jacinta is going give Sel Appa a hard time.
Jacinta: No silly Turtle is going to get my way. No shell is going scare me! Even if all Sel Appans look like Gamera critter in Godzilla, I'm not scared.
Kate: Oh boy, watch out Sel Appa.
Monique: Good to see my players don't need any encouragement.

Kate: What if Sel Appa send a team of Gameras to play us?
Monique: We've got GodDazzas.
Kate: GodDazza?
Monique: Err, you don't want to know the details.

OOC
Great Wall of China + Rabbits reference
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DvlWQyvEI38

Dancougar News!!
Celebrating with a weekend in lovely Baltimore.

Dancougar 2 v 1 Lovisa (FT): The Wings were beaten the first time around by the Lovisans, who looked to repeat the feat in Yuki City and get some space between them and the rest of the challengers. No friendlies at the break, so the Wings were running just on guts and panic. Mostly the latter. A loss would put them five points out which, on their current form, might prove impossible to make up.

Charles DuPont kept the lineup under wraps until just before the game, and sure enough, he brought out the standard lineup from day one - Shishio Jinguuji and Dan Potts at the top, Leyton anchoring the midfield, and Casey Berber taking the reigns of the defense as recently minted 'Foreigner of the Year' in Newmanistan. Akira Morimoto was an omission, though, as he gave way for the speedier Kazuki Midorikawa. Morimoto has just not looked as sharp as in previous tournaments, and rumor had it that DuPont was starting to audition players for his starting spot.

And things looked good early on, with Midorikawa running hard down the right in Morimoto's place. But the service was wanting... over everyone and cleared away, but applause from Jinguuji and the crowd. Dylandy had a chance turned wide by the 'keeper, and then Lovisa countered. Yukikaze tracked down the ball to the edge of the box and turned away the shot. That was very much the theme for Lovisa in the first twenty minutes. They weren't showing the pace that overran the Wings in their opener, but the Wings weren't able to take advantage. Midorikawa was faster than Morimoto on the wing, sure enough, but his control was far weaker.

The game started to open up near the half hour mark as both teams started having runs on goal. Both goalkeepers were on top of things until Dancougar pushed through in the 34th. Spurred on by chants of "Attack, attack!", Shishio Jinguuji did just that. The Central United striker made a diagonal run into the box and received a low pass from Dylandy, and Jinguuji held off his defender to one time it towards the side netting. The 'keeper's dive was late, and the ball went off his fists and in to make it 1-0.

But how often do you see the goal pick up the vanquished side rather than bury them? Lovisa took less than five minutes to get the equalizer. With Charles DuPont screaming from the sideline, van der Horst let the ball swing wide. A free cross into the box, and who was marking the striker in the middle? No one, apparently, and Watanabe had no chance to play the ball. Berber and Yukikaze were both in the middle but spotted the run late, and by the time they reacted, the ball was already settling on the turf.

So 1-1 at the halftime whistle, and the momentum had to be with Lovisa if only because of the goal. No real attacks developed for either side in the final few minutes, so no one knew what to expect when the teams emerged from the tunnel in the second. Well, almost. Kevin Underwood for Midorikawa, a straight swap in the midfield. Underwood's sharper play made him a better choice if the Wings were going to develop anything on the right side. The scrappy Underwood picked up a foul after ninety seconds, sending a message that he was going to be more physical on and off the ball than Midorikawa.

Dancougar started to slowly take command of the match, and it began in the midfield, with team captain Jericho Leyton picking up a yellow card in a physical battle for the ball. That seemed to energize the team, and Lovisa started to find less space in which to work. In the 53rd, the Wings came close when Dylandy attempted to feed Potts, but he was unable to managed a shot and it rolled through to the 'keeper. Then in the 59th, Berber pushed up and sent a high cross into the box that turned dangerous when the 'keeper came off his line and hit his own man, misplaying the ball. Dylandy took a crack but hurried the shot, sending it high.

The breakthrough came in minute 68 when Dan Potts slid the ball to the top of the box for the oncoming Benjamin Whittaker. Whittaker had a good first touch and blazed past one befuddled defender into the eighteen. He had a go, and my, how it went! Far post, 'keeper stranded, and make it 2-1 to the home side! Out come the Horrible Hand Towels, as the scoreboard prominently displayed the Spazican States holding Nire and Nire 1-1 in their match. The celebration did die down when the Nireans got what turned out to be the winner, but perhaps they should've paid more attention to the game in front of them.

Lovisa went for the equalizer again, but this time came up short. Five minutes passed, then ten since the goal. The Dancougar defense continued to frustrate the Lovisa attack. Dylandy attempted a breakout but help took too long to arrive, leaving him with a one on three. He was forced to pull up. This only bought more time for the Lovisans to get back, and the opportunity was lost. Nevertheless, possession was possession. With the crowd urging them on, Dancougar went for the third goal past 85 minutes. Leyton fired from twenty... pushed wide for a corner. Service from Underwood, headed away.

Mikhail Balalaika was a late sub for Milan van der Horst on defense as the Wings were content to clamp down and ride out the last few minutes. A home win is a home win. Both Nire and Nire and Dancougar leapfrogged Lovisa into second and third, respectively. If this tie continues to hold, Dancougar's home match with the Nireans becomes all that more important, but the Wings figure to have some work to do. A bye week and an away match against Milchama stare them down now, which likely means two weeks without points.

DuPont: coaching situation not a bother: Although many have pegged him as a lame duck coach, Charles DuPont says he's not letting it affect his work with the national team, which currently sits on 13 points from 7 matches and third place in qualifying group 11. His experiments with the lineup have gotten lots of players some time on the pitch, but as it turned out, the old standbys were best against Cypron and Lovisa. The two home wins have gotten them back on track... for now.

"I think I've still got some fight left in these old bones," said DuPont at practice today, "so it doesn't do me any good to keel over instead of seeing this through to the end. We've stumbled out of the block, but any team hits rough patches like this. The best ones can pull through, and the fans would like to see Dancougar be one of them."

EVERYONE PLAYS THE BYE: Ah, they're back again. Those "Bye" guys. The ones who mock you by making you train for their amusement instead of playing you. Have we no shame? I know we're off our pace from the last tournament, but surely we can do better? As it turns out, no, we can't. But looking forward, I think this is preferred to getting the everloving crap beat out of us against Milchama.

Did we just say "everloving crap?" Ugh. We're always breaking ground for quality here at the Dancougar News.

Like last time, we can expect no score, no lineups, no match report, but this does provide an excellent opportunity for the media to freak the heck out. Seems like the proper thing to do at a time like this, right? Ninety minutes against the "Bye," or anyone else, for that matter, can't be properly played until every player on the team has been milked for news, and every story's angle beaten to death, dragged out into the alley, shot six times, and then thrown into the Kishin River. A LOT LIKE THIS JOKE.

Greal World Cup 42 Match 7

Greal easily overran Nuevo Aires to bring the game to 3-0. Howard Anderson scored twice, while Ross Trent scored once. John Igor was pleased with his team's performance and has announced a small shakeup. A new veteran will be introduced to the team. Their next opponent would be even deadlier. Bostopia crushed them last time, Greal won't let that happen again without a much tougher fight.

Schedule

20/8 (wed) - qualifying MD01 @ Nuevos Aires (WIN 1-0)
21/8 (thu) - qualifying MD02 vs Bostopia (LOSS 0-5)
22/8 (fri) - qualifying MD03 @ Prux (LOSS 0-2)
23/8 (sat) - qualifying MD04 vs. Arroza (DRAW 1-1)
24/8 (sun) - qualifying MD05 @ Land de Wood (LOSS 1-3)
25/8 (mon) - qualifying MD06 OFF DAY/BYE (No Matches)
26/8 (tue) - qualifying MD07 vs. Bazalonia (LOSS 1-3)
27/8 (wed) - mid-qualifying friendlies (Caf) (No Matches)
28/8 (thu) - qualifying MD08 vs Nuevos Aires (WIN 3-0)
29/8 (fri) - qualifying MD09 @ Bostopia
30/8 (sat) - qualifying MD10 vs Prux
31/8 (sun) - qualifying MD11 @ Arroza
1/9 (mon) - qualifying MD12 vs Land de Wood
2/9 (tue) - qualifying MD13 OFF DAY/BYE
3/9 (wed) - qualifying MD14 @ Bazalonia

Match Report
Kose and The Turkomans 3–2 Roddyville

Late Surge Pays off
The Turks went 2-0 down after 60 minutes and the game looked to have gone to the underdogs of Roddyville but a reply from Tumer in the 70th minute got the Turks going again and then a fumble from the Roddyville goal keeper gave Sinan an easy equaliser but then came a magical moment when Sinan Kose was found ope and he pulled out a special finish to put the game in the Turks hands in added time.

Top 3 pulls away
The Top 3 in the group now have a 5 point cushion over Taeshan who are chasing in fourth and the top 3 looks to be settled, but the second automatic qualifier is still uncertain with the Turks playing Yafor 2 tonight but a win for the Turks will give them a 5 point lead on Yafor 2.

Alhrem: Confident
Alhrem is very confident of getting a result against Yafor 2 and is hoping that the team will play to the best of their ability and get the 5 points cushion over third place.

Make or Break
That is the feeling for the Turks as they prepare to play Yafor 2 away and play the game that will most likely decide saecond place.

Match preview vs Yafor 2
World Rank: 11
Points: 14
GD: +3
GF: 8
GA: 5
Form: W
Fact: A win for us will leave us 5 points ahead
Verdict: Away we should hope for a win but it will most likely end in a draw.

Top Scorers
Sinan 7
Tumer 2
Aykut 1
Serkan 1
Nuri 1

Jeruselem Government News

Pet Turtles not in vogue

With Sel Appa coming to Jeruselem for the next game after Jeruselem lost to the Monks in MonkLand, it seems Turtles aren't exactly the "in" thing. This is not because Jeruselemites hate Sel Appa but because of the totally underwhelming performance of the World Cup 42 from Sel Appa. The odd thing is people in Jeruselem are buying up old Godzilla movies with a big turtle call Gamera in it. Auction site eBAY has reported people are snapping up anything "Gamera". It seems a Turtle with big teeth that flies and has lots of nasty weapons is new craze.

Meanwhile, the Jeruselem World Cup 42 have settled down and are focussed on this big game. Captain Jane Darian said
"We needed a loss. It wakes us up again and makes us more determined. There's five more games. And with the bye in the last game, we need all the wins we can get. I mean, it's clear Group 1 will be settled on the last day. Our job is to seal a top 2 spot by match day 13. If we can get say, 4 wins out of the last 5 - I'd be happy. Beating Gamera at home will be a good thing will be a big step forward. I know the Turtles aren't going well, but they are a top 10 team. They drew with us away, so we need to beat them here at home. The Princesses can't rest until we get the points for safe passage to finals. It's like Godzilla vs Gamera. Hopefully, like the movies - Godzilla win be the winnar."

Vice Captain Kate Sallad said about her sister Jacinta who was responsible for loss against the Monks
"Poor Jacinta. Her style of play maybe a little weird, she kinda jumps into things but she's not giving up. She's like that little terrier. You know - looks useless but she just keeps going and doesn't give up. She may not be the best defender but when she's out there, she puts in a big effort. Her style may look crude and silly, but it's technically sound. She plays hard which some don't like. She's out there, not to look good and be popular but to win the game. Yes, she entertains too but she's not going let them refs spoil her fun. She's like ... err a rabbit in China., yeah! No wall is going to stop her."

THE MATCH REPORT OF FR. POLYEUCTUS THE OBSERVANT

The Archregimancy played Jeruselem at home.

And early in the morning the squad went down to the ground, and all the players came there; and Fr. Anthony sat down, and trained them.

And a portal from Ordinary Reality brought unto him the squad from Jeruselem, many of whom were seen in adultery; and when the squad had seem them in their midst,

They said unto Anthony, "Father, these women were seen in adultery, in the very act.

Now the Old Testament commands us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou?"

This they said, tempting him, that they might escape from a vigorous morning training session. But Anthony stooped down, and with his finger wrote on the ground, as though he heard them not.

So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, "He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at them".

And again he stooped down, and wrote on the ground.

And they which heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out to train one by one, beginning at the eldest, even unto the last: and Anthony was left alone, with the harlots of Jeruselem standing in the midst.

When Anthony had lifted up himself, and saw none but the women, he said unto them, "Women, where are those thine accusers? Hath no monk condemned thee?

They said, "No monk, Father". And Anthony said unto them, "Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more".

The Jeruselemites then said unto him, "Thou bearest record of thyself; thy record is not true; hath we not won the first meeting between our squads?".

Anthony answered and said unto them, "Though I bear record of that match, yet my record is true: for I know whence my squad came, and whither they go; but ye cannot tell whence they come, and whither they go.

Ye judge after the results; I judge no game.

And yet if I judge, my judgment is true: for I am not alone, but I and the squad that plays for me".

Then said they unto him, "Where is thy squad?" Anthony answered, "Ye neither know me, nor my squad: if ye had known me, ye should have known my squad also.

Then said Anthony again unto them, "I go my way, and ye shall seek my squad, and shall lose the match: Jacinta Sallad shall take the blame, though surely she shall be innocent in deed, though not in broader sin."

Then said the self-proclaimed 'Jewbies' said, "how doth he know this? Is Jacinta to start the match, with her strange Chinese rabbit style of play?" And there was much uncertainty among them.

And he said unto them, "Ye are from Ordinary Reality; I am from the Dreamed Realm: ye are of your world; I am this world.

I said therefore unto you, that Jacinta Sallad shall take the blame for your loss to come: and if ye believe not me, still ye shall still see that I am right".

Then said they unto him, "Who art thou?" And Anthony saith unto them, "Even the same that I said unto you from the beginning. I am the coach of the Archregimancy.

I have many things to say and to judge of you: but the squad that I coach is true; and I speak to them those things which shall allow them to defeat you".

They understood not that he spake to them of the match still to come, but verily that which Anthony said did come to pass just as he had spoken, and many were amazed.

Though it is to be regretted that few on the opposing team obeyed Anthony's injunction to go and sin no more.

Zwangzug's e-Lipogram
I want to watch-wait, wrong gag

Zwangzug's national football squad won against that of An Blascaod Mór. Zwangzug had lost only to that small country during World Cup 42 qualification's first half, in its traditional Group 7. Both of Zwangzug's forwards (Rohit Sharma and Muus Jurin) had goals. An Blascaod Mór's O'Sullivan pair (Muris and Tomás) was obviously trying for a triad of goals, but Zwangzug's backs (and Mathash in goal) got a shutout. But both of Group 7's top squads won also, so Zwangzug stay third.

Knights get swept by Wentland

A said story out of Wentland, the Knights failed to get a point against group leaders and would seem to have fallen of of qualifying place with another lose. They cant seem to beat anyone this cup, and it would take a major comeback for the Knights to qualifying.

It was a really bad game for the Knights not even scoring a goal and getting blanked by the wenters again. The opponets scored in the 40th and never looked back. They have seemingly clinched the group while the Knights are pretty much out of major qaulifying contension. Wow we suck. Go Knights.

Glaycia factbook part 6 of almost done

Demographics- The population has a Nordic flavor for the most part with some 71% of the country of some Nordic country’s descent, 16% are of English descent. 7% are German, 3% Russian, 1% Scottish and the remaining 2% are from other countries.

Religion- The isle is mostly Finnish version of Eastern Orthodox with smatterings of Anglican and Catholic making up the rest.

Finnish Eastern Orthodox- 84% national church
(notes- celebrates Easter according to Gregorian calendar, no monastic orders)
Anglican- 7%, recognized church
Catholic- 6% recognized church
Judaism- 2% recognized church
Other- 1% none officially recognized


Languages- English and Swedish are the main languages, both of which are taught in the school system as required languages though technically Swedish is considered the official language. Some German is also spoken in the west.

<meanwhile back with our old couple>
"That just ain't right Inga. Them Jeruzyians beating us and all, they knew we didn;t like the warm so they scheduled the match at noon!"

"Now be reasonable Ludden, it was their home match so they can pick whatever time they wanted."

"But we played them the first time at noon so they would be more comfortable instead of our usual night games when there's a nice bite in the wind."

"Maybe they though we liked day games Ludden, after all, its not like any of these nice folks have heard much about us before."

"Well maybe they should do their homework, you know like back in the day when we had to sit in a cool classroom because no one felt like we needed any heat when it was a measly freezing out. Today's players would be whinin' up a storm about how their muscles are cramping and they can;t feel their toes and such stuff."

"But dear, we did that so the children would have things better than we do. That's why we can go to all the new places and play soccer."

"Made them soft, that's what we did. No respect for us elders these kids."

"Hush Ludden and drink your tea."

"Yes dear."

((OOC Tynelian post))

"Brother-sister Emily., what's this i've been hearing about our people getting arrested, and causing commotions." a sick Brother James asked his neice as the two stood alone in the office.

"A few youngsters uncle, that's all, just trying to spread the woerd of the Lord of Scores to the unenlightened." she replied.

"Now i thought we talked about this, violence and chaos isn;t the answer, it just gives the government an excuse to come down on us." Brother James said softly.

"They would do that anyway uncle, we have shown them the light and they can't stand the glare so they try to cover it so they can hide in their darkness. We must tear the veil of ignorance from their eyes." Brother-sister Emily disagreed.

"I'm too old to argue about this Brother-sister Emily. Everyone knows you will be succeeding to the rank of First Monk once the Religious Policy Making Metting confirms you." her uncle countered before he was interupted.

"Not for a long time uncle."

"Let's not be foolish neice, i have seen the Lord of Scores in my dreams and he has told me that i shall be joining him, the Prophetess Margaret and Saint Michael soon. I am not going to disobey His will. I have done my best in his service which is why i do not wish to see you turn this great thing into chaos with your activist ways."

"I am just spreading the word in a way i think He would wish it." she answered a bit more stiffly at the rebuke.

Sighing Brother James sank back onto his chair. "Please send Brother Anthony and Brother Mediciner Connor here, i think its time for me medications and i must rest. Please Brother, please Emily, control your desires when you lead us or the church is doomed. Think about that, is that what the Lord of Scores desires?"

Wordlessly Brother-Sister Emily turned to get the other two brothers requested and kept silent what she knew to be true. Peace has gone as far as it could. Now action must take its place.

World Cup Qualification - Group 1
MD1: vs Sel Appa (2-0)
MD2: @ Icy Cold Death Touch (0-0)
MD3: vs Kiryu-shi (3-1)
MD4: @ Ixania (2-1)
MD5: -bye-
MD6: vs Jeruselem (0-3)
MD7: @ The Archregimancy (1-1)
MQ: ---
MD8: @ Sel Appa (3-2)
MD9: vs Icy Cold Death Touch
MD10: @ Kiryu-shi
MD11: vs Ixania
MD12: -bye-
MD13: @ Jeruselem
MD14: vs The Archregimancy
PQ: vs The Holy Empire (@ TBD)

«Pape Satàn, pape Satàn aleppe!»,
cominciò Pluto con la voce chioccia;
e quel savio gentil, che tutto seppe,

disse per confortarmi: «Non ti noccia
la tua paura; ché, poder ch'elli abbia,
non ci torrà lo scender questa roccia».


"... and this I cannot get." The Pope was confused over a number of things, notably those concerning football. There were several questions, such as the creation of a new bishopric in Glaycia and the accusations that the prior Cardinal Iosephus Bissarionius was sodomizing pictures of Satan. But the most pertinent among these were the questions of football. "How can a picture of a albino turtle - albeit a ugly albino turtle - cause such disarray among any people to cause them to be so poorly playing football?"

Father Thomas de Turrecremata was attending this special hearing with the Pope. "Your Excellency, it is obvious that the turtle-idolaters were so aggrieved to be shown their gods as corruptible incarnations that their whole society has collapsed. Indeed, their sole victory comes against the Satanists from Icy Cold Death Touch - against whom we play next."

"But a picture of an idol cannot cause such a great question of faith, can it?"

"Imagine the Holy icons of Christ and the Immaculate Virgin covered with blasphemy. What would the Catholic community perceive?"

"Fury."

"Doubt! That is the weapon of the faithful adherents. They must show doubt to their foes, so that the faith of the devout Catholic can overpower the will of an unbelieving, pagan idolater. As you can see, their failure comes from their continued faith in a turtle deity, and that until they turn to the one True Christ according to the doctrines of the Holy Catholic Church, they cannot see salvation! Even the Schismatic Heretics of the Dreamed Realm can see more salvation than they who worship the Chelonians."

"Which are...?"

Father Thomas winked an eye in perplexed confusion. "Deified turtles?"

"Ah, indeed..."

Just then, suddenly, a Cardinal with news from the Dreamed Realm arrived. "The Monks defeated the Whores!" The crowd cheered unexpectedly. "But they have made a blasphemy by retelling the account of Jesus's mercy to the adulterous women as told by their coach Antonius! Indeed, they cannot be adherents to the Cross if they willingly make blasphemy of the parables and teachings of the LORD Christ!"

"Indeed, we should send a message to the world community, condemning this blasphemy!"

World Cup Qualification - Group 5
MD1: vs Gerainia (3-1) (@ Gwangdong Imperial Sports Complex and Stadium, Gwangju)
MD2: @ Ad'ihan (1-2) (@ Protectorate Stadium, Ad'ihan)
MD3: vs Universitus University (3-1) (@ King Kim Iljei Memorial Football Stadium, Malnira)
MD4: @ kenavt (4-1) (@ Granderson Stadium)
MD5: vs Lingdinis Insania (3-0) (@ Sanhaemun Football Stadium, Jinhwangdo)
M6: @ Kura-Pelland (0-3)
MD7: -bye-
MQ: vs Taeshan (1-0) (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD8: @ Gerainia (2-0)
MD9: vs Ad'ihan (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD10: @ Universitus University
MD11: vs kenavt (@ Goguryeo Football Stadium, Hanseong)
MD12: @ Lingdinis Insania
MD13: vs Kura-Pelland (@ Cha Beomgeun Memorial Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD14: -bye-
PQ: TBD


A Message from His Imperial Majesty's Office

His Imperial Majesty Emperor Yeongmu of the Great Han Empire wishes to clarify points made in a pirated version of a private conversation among several of Jeruselemite football players, in particular relating to the Great Wall. To these ends, His Imperial Majesty has drafted this educational lecture to inform ignorant foreign nationals of the significance of the Great Wall, contrary to the popular beliefs exhibited by a certain advertisement from the fictionalized state of "Australia".


There is no "China" - as much as there is a fictionalized account of the state of "Australia", there is a fictionalized account of this "China" state. In fact, the advertisement is well-crafted and elaborate to incorporate an entire fictionalized world, where a misrepresented Han Empire is presented as a divided state, ranging from near totalitarian regimes to excessively democratic states. If anyone believes that the Han Empire is in fact divided is surely misinformed and should be re-educated to the pertinent facts of our reality rather than some fictional account of a world.
There is no Emperor Nasi Goreng. In fact, in the southern states of Malacca, there is such a "nasi goreng" dish, but no Emperor. So to consider naming an Emperor Han after something chewed, swallowed, and digested is grotesque and insulting. But as the creators of this advertisement were unaware of this, we will have to excuse their ignorant barbarism.
The Great Wall of Han was not built to keep out the rabbits - it was to keep out the invading Huns and barbarians to the north. We will admit that a particular city in the western provinces did build a wall to keep out rabbits, but that was because they were infected with some disease. Eventually, the city died out because the invading Huns besieged the city and hurdled bundles of infected rabbits over the city walls and inevitably killed the inhabitants - so the moral of the story is to build your walls taller than what height rabbits can be flung upon a catapult. Anyway, the person who combined these two accounts is sorrowfully misjudged and certainly not right in his head. He should rather get updated broadband connections, with which he/she/it can discern for him/her/itself the truth of the Great Wall.


Hopefully, this educational reminder will settle this debate once and for all.

Count Han Seungsu
韓昇洙伯
http://i159.photobucket.com/albums/t156/daehanjeiguk/foreign.png

“It’s not that I’m complaining, because honest to God I’m not.”

“Well, good.”

“We all appreciate your efforts, we really do. I mean, we don’t really hand out state gongs these days, but, y’know, you’d be a Knight Commander of the Order of the Bath or something by now, quick thinking like that! Heck, you might still end up being by the time World Cup Seventy-Nine rolls around, and the Device has pushed the Kosovoe game back to the nineteen-forties. The first knighted elf of the Candelarias, eh? That’d blow Sir Tekeste Haregewoin and his solar-powered bathysphere out of the water, and no mistake!”

Daniel Martino, an elf, smiled at this historical reference meaningful only to educated Candelariasians and those with a particular interest in the past of the nation now known as Candelaria And Marquez and therefore not worth elucidating further here, and waited for the ‘but’.

“But, couldn’t you have bean… been… whatever, a tad more subtle?”

“I had to think on my feet, Minister.”

“And again, I have to stress, we’re eternally grateful for you saving the President and stopping an all-out Civil War. But, y’know… he had a little Big Blues number twenty-four kit with “V. Faba” on the back…”

“The shirt was off a stuffed mediocre fish mascot, and I always carry a magic marker.”

“But how are the CAMAFA supposed to record this?”

“Given that you’ve already given all thirty-four-thousand-or-so Candelariasians at the game a thoroughly good talking to so that they understand the situation fully… Howsabout another Xavier Hiroshima own goal?”

“Well… Yes, but the Kosovoen FA won’t accept that, will they? He clearly didn’t get a touch!”

Martino put a hand on Joe Melbourne’s shoulder, while the Minister for Remedial Teaching nibbled on a nail.

“It’ll be fine, Minister. We… um… you, they, them up in Caires… won four-nil, remember. Second game in a row! If I know this country well enough, everyone’ll be too busy getting over-excited over the Big Blues’ chances of qualifying than worrying about who the second goalscorer was.”

“And people will just forget that it was a broad bean roughly an inch in height? One that was singing ‘the wheels on the bike’ while he was expertly taking the ball around the Kosovoe centre-half and placing a delicate shot in the bottom right corner of Aximili Ridle’s net?”

Melbourne waved a hand at this exasperated cry from Jack Langer, one of his newest M.O.R.T. minions.

“The goal didn’t go out live on TV1, Jack. And everyone at the Kaleta Online Dome realises now that it was just a fluke… a trick of perspective.”

“He aimed for the water bottle! Andy Le Lan’d sell his granny for that kind of acumen up front for Albrecht… Eff… See… What exactly was that?”

Melbourne and Martino frowned for a moment at the neophyte’s comment, before the light dawned. The minister rolled his eyes and pointed up to the Time Dilation Device; the large green orb spinning gently on its plinth.

“The Caires derby game’ll be starting any moment now,” Melbourne explained in as patronising a tone as he could muster. “The Device was just pushing the Kosovoe game back to last Wednesday. Hence the ‘whoosh’. You’ll get used to it.”

“The Kosovoe game was… last Wednes… day. I think. No, it was, because everyone was complaining about having a midweek fixt… Although… I can’t say what I can remember doing between then and now… Although… I suppose… Um.”

“And there’s the ‘um’!” Melbourne exclaimed triumphantly, “Meaning that you’re now officially in the same place as the rest of us. Honestly, Jack, try not to think about it. The Device does its work, we do ours. Never the twain, and all that.”

“Yeah… I’d just expected a little more than ‘whoosh’ when you explained all this to me…”

“You were after a bit of shuddering, perhaps? An impressive bang or two? Someone screaming ‘TIME DILATED TO SEVEN CENTREMETRES… EIGHT… NINE!!! I cannae hold her anymoer, cap’n, she’s go’n’t’blow!!’? We like ‘whoosh’, here at the Ministry of Remedial Teaching, Jack.”

The boy nodded, chastened, while Martino smiled at the minister despite himself. He was a little man, was Melbourne, in more ways than one. A ghastly toady, yet blessed with a horrible messiah complex; he took a genuine delight in making his subordinates feel as small as possible. Lyndon Hernández, his predecessor as the man at the front line of the Candelariasian government’s fight against the inquisitiveness of the islands’ own people, had been… different, somehow. Oh, he could be a smarmy bugger at the best of times, and with a mind for manipulating lesser mortals that Melbourne could only dream of. But there’d never been any malice to it, Martino felt. He’d just been trying to get the job done in whatever ways seemed most appropriate, and the elf certainly couldn’t fault him for that. Despite his air of cool indifference, Hernández had really cared about his mission.

He was still an ocean of mystery of course, even after all this time, whereas Melbourne was but a puddle by comparison. Melbourne, you could read like a book. He liked power, however modest it may seem. He couldn’t care less for people, or for the country, Martino was quite sure of that. On occasion, since the new minister’s arrival, he had wondered if his dislike towards Melbourne wasn’t simply down to the man’s innate confidence. It had been different with Hernández, who’d had no more understanding of the wider world than the average Candelariasian, when President Anderson had appointed him. Oh, they’d played the game from the start, Martino the humble assistant, Hernández the ‘sir’. But the man had relied on the elf from the off, and from the moment the Marquezian has stuck out a hand and said ‘Really pleased to meet you, Dan’, there’d been mutual respect. Melbourne, on the other hand, came from an age when every top politician – shadow or otherwise – knew at least the nuts and bolts of the Truth. From the moment he had greeted him with an amused ‘Oh, you’re the elf! Fantastic!’, Martino had harboured a deep desire to make paper chains of the human’s entrails. Was that just… fear, though? That for the first time in decades spent in Albrecht, he just wasn’t a vital cog in the Ministry’s efforts any more? That the humans really could be trusted to cope now.

But watching Melbourne sneer and s****** at poor Langer, Martino found himself more certain than ever that the minister was, in fact, and regardless of personal experiences; a right tit. He’d barely even seemed genuinely grateful that Martino had saved himself, the President, and the Foreign Secretary from certain death at the hands of several thousand slighted beans. That the elf, having been at the Kosovoe game doing his duty of watching out for anything remotely weird and receiving a HLP! R BEING HLD CPTV BY 10K SNGNG BEANS! DSTRCT THM R SMTHNG PLEAS! message, had had the stroke of genius to take out the singing bean he kept permanently in his left pocket, stuck a C&M kit on it and sent it out onto the pitch. The video of the bean scoring the second goal was instantly sent back to Melbourne’s mobile, and subsequently shown to the Generalissimo. It had certainly had the desired effect. The beans and their leader, overcome with patriotic fervour once one of their own kin had scored for their adopted land’s national team, had quickly forgotten about President Morton’s unfortunate verbal trespass against them.

It had worked for Yasser Zaghloul and the Candelarias’ muslim community back in the day, after all. The singing beans were now fully paid-up and loyal citizens of Candelaria And Marquez, would soon be living the high life on unemployment benefit, and the whole evening ended in laughter and song (although mostly song, with the beans quick to insist that a new verse of O, Sweet Nation should be tacked onto the end; to make mention of the World Bike, and its Wheels going Round and Round). As long as Kris Healy kept the bean on the bench from now on, there surely wouldn’t be a problem keeping the beans happy and the Candelariasian people still blissfully unaware. Nobody knew who even the third-choice goalkeeper was, after all.

“…ellin’ you, it was a bloody bean! They can say it was an own goal all they like, but I was there, yeah? And it was a bean!”

“Going back to the first goal though; it was great to see Connor Mengucci on the scoresheet, wasn’t it?”

“Oh, definitely. That was ridiculous, I wouldn’t ‘ave believed it if I hadn’t seen it with me own eyes!”

Melbourne sighed as he switched off the television, after Jack had left down another corridor and the remaining pair had wandered into the minister’s office. “I dunno… Few months ago, they’d have dismissed a sporting bean out of hand, whether they’d seen it themselves or not…”

“It was the giant toad wot dun it, if you ask me,” Martino nodded.

“You think so?”

“We let people swallow the idea of a lorry-sized amphibian even existing, never mind becoming C&M’s national animal and a symbol of the country’s rebirth from the ashes of 12/5. And once you can grasp enormous toads…”

“Football-playing beans are the next logical step?”

“I just don’t think it was one of your better ideas,” Martino admonished quietly.

“You don’t?”

“No.”

Martino became slowly aware that in allowing his mind to wander, his physical form had become rather backed into a corner. He made to move, but tripped over his own feet and fell forwards. He looked down in panic to see manacles suddenly binding his legs together, and in a flash his hands too were tied.

“What can I tell ya, Danny Boy? It’s gift. Truth is, Danny boy, the pipes’re callin’. I really don’t need you any more. Toads or no.”

He pressed a large red button on his desk, and the patch of floor around Martino began to sink. Melbourne lent in. “Amin nyare lle amin nae autien tampa lle, Daniel. Ale’ Niðavellir,” he whispered.

“You wot?”

“Ugh, dialects… Suffice it to say, poppet, we’ve got a lot to talk about. But not just yet.”

“Melbourne…?”

“Catch you later, Danny. Much later. After all, you and I have all the time in the world…”

(Rockets players gather before the game)

Parnett: Guys, you know what I think the secret to this World Cup thing is if you want to have success?

Brooker: What?

Parnett: You have to have an annoyingly religious slant. The power of the Lord, no matter what religion your faith is from seems to be something that guides a lot of nations.

Drummond: Ah, so that’s why The Archregimancy has won so many World Cups right?

McAllister: And don’t forget about Jeruselem, their World Cup championship record is just endless.

Parnett: Ok, well maybe it doesn’t mean anything in terms of winning the World Cup because we know they both always choke in the end, but it’s a very popular theme these days.

Brooker: Well, maybe the World needs to remember which nation the Summer Vigil Fasting winner at the Olympics came from. That’s right, Newmanistan! Maybe we need to get Father Sweeney in here and he can be one of our guides.

Drummond: I wonder if it gets tiring having to sit back and read all the press releases from the nations and having to read all the religious type stuff. There are people out there that you know, evaluate national World Cup press releases every day. Every now and then, maybe they’d like to read about football.

Parnett: Some of it is entertaining though, did you see this latest thing put out by.....

Brooker: Yeah, yeah, let’s just get Father Sweeney in here. He’s from Loudon right? Someone’s gotta know him.

McAllister: I don’t really think we need that kind of distraction right now. Look, this game against Sorthern Northland is absolutely vital, and we are the more devout nation, so if the Lord as any say in the outcome of this match then He will lead us to a victory.

Borsinger: The Lord doesn’t take sides in football. The Lord just gives us the strength to perform at our individual best.

Brooker: Thanks for that Tony. But really, He’s got to prefer us to Sorthern Northland, come on now. As for them, there is absolutely no way they should be beating us again. Those guys are no different then they were back in the Di Bradini Cup.

Drummond: We took them what, ten years ago, we can take them again. Who cares about their ranking, this is a vital game for us, and we should not be intimidated by them just because of the last scoreline.

McAllister: Who’s intimidated? They just got the breaks last time. We’ve had success with them. It’s our time to go out there and get a big win and solidify our chances of qualification.

Brooker: We need to make it guys. I’ve told the guys back in Dunboor how great football is here, if we don’t qualify then they’re not going to really see that.

Prescott: Dunboor? (Laughs) Dunboor FC sucks.

Brooker: Shut up, Brett.

Prescott: Did I ever show you this, Jeremy? It’s my nice shiny Emperor’s Cup championship ring. How do you think it looks?

McAllister: Damn, they went out all out with your ring. It is nice.

Brooker: Uh huh. Save that for the Northland.

Parnett: Anyway do you want me to put the call in to Father Sweeney or not?

McAllister: Nah, we’re a sports nation. Not an in your face constantly with religion nation.

Brooker: Can I get an Amen?

"Excuse me, sir..."

"Sorry, I'm busy."

"Thank you. Madam?"

"Sorry."

"Sir?"

"Ball'eis korakas."

"Oh. Madam?"

"Sorry, must dash."

"Dammit, won't someone answer my questionnaire? How come you're getting people to answer, Natalia?"

The big breasted leggy blonde with ice-blue eyes shrugged her shoulders enigmatically. "I 'ave no ahdear, Philippe...'ang on, zis nahss young man 'as sumsing to say..."

"Well, let me have your clipboard, I need to see the reasons why people aren't bothered with Wentland football..."

Young Pip examined the forms. It was crazy. He was having to miss the crucial Taeshan match so he could ask random passers by why they weren't at the game. "Hm...a mix of responses here...although most of them seem to be about breasts..."

"Oh! Zose charmant young men...zey are SOOOO suweet about ma tetons...ah, you should see ze responses from ze women..."

"OK, let's see...get your eyes off my man...shameless...no, this is not helping much."

"M'sieu Philippe, what is an ore?"

"Ore? Some sort of metal."

"Ah, zat makes no sense. Zese women, zey call me zis metal?"

"Err...I think they mean something different...look, let's just get to the tick-boxes. This is important."

"But not impotent. Hein?"

"Quite..."

***

It was later that night when Pip was able to do some proper preliminary analysis of the results. Once he had weeded out the joke answers and scribbled phone numbers for Natalia to call, the responses were all pretty similar.

He sighed. At least he had the chance to see the highlights on television. But WBC1 had hardly bothered, 20 minutes after the Late Night Sermon. And it was dull, dull, dull. Taeshan barely offered a threat and Wentland were not much better. The winner came near the end of the first half and Wentland's magnificent run, the best in their history, continued. But nobody seemed to care, the crowds were still in the low five figures and the player reaction at the end was hardly overwhelming.

There must be something that could be done, thought Young Pip. But what?

Land de Wood 2–4 Bostopia

So Bostopia came to town earlier today, in what was an enthralling contest.

Bostopia played some great football and scored some beautiful goals. But it wasn't all one sided, for our brave Woodpeckers kept pecking away. Bostopia took an early lead in the 3rd minute following a mistake by Ray Hammil letting their winger getting past him, and their striker headed home the resulting cross. 0-1

In the twelve minute Ray Hammil made amends combining well with Aaron Whitemore down the right wing, Hammil got a lovely cross in for Tom Darkless to volley home. 1-1

Twenty-four mintues gone and a mistake by David Clemence and their midfielder got through, Stephen Diddon brought him down on the edge of the area and their free kick specialist launched a screamer from twenty-five yards out that Patrick Clemence had no chance with. 1-2

But the Woodpeckers pecked back, Tom Darkless raced through the middle of the park on a beautiful solo run, weaving in and out of their defenders, played a neat one two with Higgins, before striking home. 2-2

That's how the first half ended. All level and the game could go either way.

Then Bostopia launched attack after attack, no doubt manager had reminded them of the importance of getting a win here, our defense stood firm for fully twenty five minutes, but finally they made a break through and got a third goal.

So it was time for our boys to stop defending and attack back, the full backs did a good job off overlapping the wingers, but sadly Derby and Redrow got caught out on the left hand side, and their right winger managed to get past them, before racing inside with the ball and just as Diddon was about to make the tackle, the winger passed the ball into their striker, who beat Clemence one on one to score the goal that finished the game in the thirty eighth minute of the second half.

2-4 the final score and what a game it was. The crowd of 49878 were no doubt delighted with the the show that was put on. Man of the match for us was undoubtedly Tom Darkless who made some cracking runs down the middle of the park.

Next up it is judgement time. Land de Wood verses the Zombies of Prux. This game could go a long way to decide 3rd place. But hold on aren't we fully 6 points behind Prux? Well yes we are, and while we can only make up 3 points, Prux still have to play Bostopia again.
If we win all of our games apart from against Bazalonia and meanwhile Prux lose to Bostopia, Bazalonia and to us, then we will be level on points and it will be down to goal difference which with our attackive play we might just sneak. So we need goals, goals and more goals!

Our reporter Larry was able to catch up with Andrew Wood earlier who had this to say:

Larry: Good evening Andrew
Andrew: Good evening Larry
Larry: So a defeat, but not too suprising.
Andrew: Well indeed Bostopia have been around a bit and they are a well setup team, it was always going to be a longshot, and I'm pleased we managed to get some goals.
Larry: Indeed, were there any injury concerns?
Andrew: Yes, Stephen Diddon's hamstring twinged so we are not going to take any chances against Prux, David Aimer is a more than capable centre back and will take his place.
Larry: Tom Darkless, really showed us what he was capable of as well.
Andrew: Indeed it was great to see him causing havoc in the middle of the park, and he will be key against Prux.
Larry: So is there any room for Ray Horse in the team?
Andrew: Indeed there is, we are going to sacrifice Gary Hoggins targetman ability and bring in Ray Horse to create some majic. Hoggins may be a useful second half substitute.
Larry: ok so we are going to play a Christmas Tree against the Zombies.
Andrew: Indeed, who knows a bit of Christmas magic might be just what we need to beat them.
Larry: I take it you've looked at the fixture list and done the maths, what chance do you give us of qualifying?
Andrew: If we can beat Prux, then I think we have a great chance of qualifying, we just need to keep scoring goals, try not to let so many in and we could yet snatch that third spot.
Larry: That would be great in our first qualifying campaign.
Andrew: Indeed it would be.
Larry: Any thoughts on the Cup of Harmony and who should host it?
Andrew: Not really, I want to keep my mind and team focused on our next game, and who knows we might be over-qualified for the Cup of Harmony.
Larry: I can understand that, well I'll let you get back to the team.
Andrew: Thanks,
Larry: Good night and all the best tomorrow.

So there you have it, Andrew Wood our prime minister and national team manager, thinks that we just might be able to qualify yet, with a little bit of help from a magic Christmas Tree formation, it is certainly going to be a cracker of a game.

So to confirm our formation for the next game is:
4-3-2-1 'Magic' Christmas Tree formation
Patrick Clemence
Ray Hammil Gary Lewis David Aimer Woodrow Derby
Aaron Whitemore David Clemence Steve Redrow
Tom Darkless Ray Horse
Richard Higgins

Giovanni Toulmin was not a happy man. Despite a decent start to the team's first World Cup qualifying campaign, Liventia had slid down the group standings — a problem compounded with an embarrassing 1-2 home loss to East Ying (getting doubled over by their opponents, having lost 3-1 on MD1), despite captain and new Caires City (Candelaria And Marquez) import Colin Marshall scoring from the spot.

Nathan Bell would have to be dropped in the coming game, it appeared. His non-identical twin, Sam, will take his place in goal — a move suggested by Football Association of Liventia chairman and former Liverpool England World Cup goalkeeper Adam Carrero. You just don't argue with your boss, not when he has the experience at this level.

Colin Marshall, the captain, will have to step up to the plate more often, but he could not possibly shoulder all the blame here — Carson Shaw, the vice-captain attacking midfielder and only other professional in the squad, has only scored twice so far in the whole campaign.

Giovanni Toulmin and Jeff Houser's jobs as the coaching staff of the team once called the Terminators were now on the line — and they would have to do quite a lot to save it.

EPA BABÁ!

Our glorious football team, with the blessing of the Orixás, has played seven games in the World Cup so far, and it seems that it still didn't learn how to balance the mystical power with the physical abilities. They still have too much faith in our beloved Orixás - and they should - but they did already sent a message years ago that they would not give infinite divine power to our players to succeed. We still remember when Pai Alcir de Macaé, after getting in contact with Ogum, said to us that the Orixás were expecting the people from Terreiro de Ogum to use their own abilities too in order to achieve their objectives, and that the mystical power would only be a way to help our people to reach their goals, not the true path for success.

Time has passed and our football players weren't able to do what the Orixás asked. The rituals are still our strongest weapon, and the power that the Orixás give to us our biggest hope. But they decided to not answer to the rituals unless we started to trust in our own abilities. Well, as some probably know from our last World Cup qualifying campaign, the only result of this decision sent to Pai Adorinan de Brito by the Orixá Xangô was the decrease in the faith of our people, and some rituals stopped. Due to this, Olorun sent the Iluminado, the true messenger of the Orixás in this world, with the mission of showing to our people that the Orixás are still helping us, and that the rituals must continue. With incredible abilities, the Iluminado sent his message, and the rituals continued...

But, in this World Cup qualifying campaign, it became clear that our people and our NT football players won't be able to give the same value to both their individual qualities and the Orixás' mystical strength. The rituals are expected, and the blessing of our Gods the true hope of our players... for them, this mystical power is everything that they need to defeat their opponents... if they continue thinking this way, Terreiro de Ogum will never be able to reach a World Cup. We need both the Orixás and mortal people united and using their own qualities in order to get success. The Iluminado is still there, helping us with his divine power in the thirty minutes that he is allowed to play (scoring many impressive goals), but there are other 25 players in this team, with their unique qualities. Mestre Kacet, Tramóia, Guaxinim, Pai Berto, Preto Véio... all of them have a power inside them... a power that does not come from the Orixás, but only from them... if they used it together with their mystical strength, they'll be unvincible!

Too sad no one can notice it.

Falô o Orixá Exú, pro sábio mestre Pai Alcir de Macaé!
(Said the Orixá Exú, to the wise master Pai Alcir de Macaé!)

Your health is one of the most important things in your life. So, you want to take good care of it, to stay away from diseases and to have a fast recovery if you get ill.

But how can you do this? Well, you need a company to take care of this part for you. A company that helps you when you are sick, in the way you deserve! Of course, "the way you deserve" depends on how much you pay, we have many different health insurance plans for different prices!

We'll recommend doctors for you, schedule exams, you just need to sign the cheque! No worries! We work with the best hospitals and doctors of the country, and even with the best mortuaries, in case something bad happens... we can provide you your eternal house!

You never know when you'll need healthcare, so get right now one of the health insurance plans of Agora Saúde! Or would you risk using the public heathcare... which is, in Cafundéu, the services of a local shaman or someone who thinks that knows medicine...

And it is Agora Saúde that offers you... the MD9 RP cutoff.

the Matchday 9 Results (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13967849&postcount=12)

Yet more from the Daily Herald archives:

________________________________


Sir,

Concerning Simon Todd's comment on Nuclear Physicists From Hell (Letters), it does raise one question in my mind, namely:

Who on earth is Ed French?


Yours faithfully,
Dorothy Beauchamp
14 Carlisle Street
Redwood RW2 1AZ


_______________________________

Sir,

If Dorothy Beauchamp has to ask herself (Letters) who Ed French is, it does make me wonder what planet she has been on for the past few years.


Yours faithfully,
Simon Todd
6 Pershore Avenue
St. Martin SM6 2PX



________________________________

Sir,

Simon Todd wonders (Letters) which planet I have been on all this time. Well, with all this wretched football around me (and I assume this French person has something to do with it), I wish I were on any planet other than West Zirconia.


Yours faithfully,
Dorothy Beauchamp
14 Carlisle Street
Redwood RW2 1AZ


_________________________________

Sir,

If Dorothy Beauchamp wishes she were on any other planet but West Zirconia (Letters), may I enquire if there are any travel agents in the Redwood area willing to help her on her way?


Yours faithfully,
Simon Todd
6 Pershore Avenue
St. Martin SM6 2PX


__________________________________


Sir,

If I may be permitted a brief advertisement: In answer to Simon Todd's enquiry (Letters), I am pleased to inform him that Mortimer Brothers Ltd. do a range of short- and long-term trips to many exotic destinations including Candelaria And Marquez, Dancougar, Starblaydia, Vephrall, Valanora, Sorthern Northland and Qazox.

The Mortimer Brothers staff here in Redwood are on hand to help with all your travel enquiries.

Yours faithfully,
Richard Mortimer
Mortimer Brothers Ltd.
17-19 Chapel Street
Redwood RW1 1BF


___________________________________

Sir,

While I appreciate Richard Mortimer's efforts (Letters), I note with dismay that the countries he mentioned all play football, and so would be the last places I would want to visit.

Perhaps it would be better to send all the football-mad citizens of West Zirconia to these places, so they can enjoy their obsession without bothering the rest of us.


Yours faithfully,
Dorothy Beauchamp
14 Carlisle Street
Redwood RW2 1AZ

Knights sweep Legalese

It was a groovy day at Docktown Memorial Stadium as the Purple Knights took on Legalese in an important qualifying match. The Kngiths sweeped the Legalesens with another two-o victory. The Knights have a bye in the next round. They are 4 points out of a playoff spot, and they need wins.

In Wednesdays game the fans cheered as they watched there Knights defeat the low ranked Legalesens, 2-0. The Knights scorers were Brian Ying uing from the left corner, and Doug Newier on a header just beside the net scoring over the hapless goalie. It was an easy defeat. Go Knights.

http://i141.photobucket.com/albums/r56/kelchek/media/kirkenescourier-new.png



SPORTS/FOOTBALL
What a thriller!

Football fans are still coming down from the adrenaline-filled thriller of a game as Kelssek and Qazox drew 4-4 in a qualifier for the 42nd World Cup played in Qazox yesterday.

Ian Sinclair scored two goals to lead the way for Kelssek in an end-to-end pinballing goalfest which offered plenty of excitement and, of course, plenty of goals in an exhibition of attacking football which saw both teams throw everything they had at each other.

Things started off slowly, however, as the teams began tentatively, dipping toes into the water and locking play up in the middle of the park. It was Qazox which made the breakthrough as Renna Valladores headed a corner into the net on 20 minutes.

To the immense credit of Kelssek's team they responded by attacking a team ranked 23 places above them and were quickly rewarded as Vincent Arsenault split the defence open and Ian Sinclair showed his predatory instinct. The ball squirted loose as Maria Lupe Reyes attempted to rob Arsenault of the ball and Sinclair was the one to grab the chance and wire it into the back of the net.

There was more to come and Kelssek then took the lead in stoppage time with the clock ticking 45 minutes as penalty-area pinball resulted from a corner with Paul Clifton finally tucking the ball past the stranded keeper.

The lead would change hands two more times with Qazox equalising and then making it 3-2 from Kallie Jaus. Ian Sinclair brought it back to 3-3 and Henri Cournoyer put Kelssek ahead with 19 minutes to go.The defence could not hold out entirely, however, and the veteran Anderson Tarricone equalised off a free kick in the 82nd minute - the wall did its job but the rebound fell into the wrong hands, or, rather, feet.

In most ways a draw was the most just and fitting result for such a game; neither team really deserved to lose a contest that was football at its best.

QBC WORLD CUP 42 COVERAGE

"Hello all, I'm Beck Davidham, and Kelssek somehow has the tie-breaker over Qazox after a 4-4 draw at Qazian Memorial Stadium, which was marred by 3 red cards, and the ejection of both coaches. Just take a look:

Minute 10:
"Douglas Crawford and Maria Lupe Reyes both get up after that hard tackle by Reyes and THEY'RE fighting! The referee quickly inserts himself between the two and shows both a RED CARD! Both players are gone from this game, which is just barely 10 minutes old! Now for the next 80 minutes it will be 10-on-10.

"Kelssek's coach was livid after the call, and his frustration was visible, as he spent the next 3 minutes chewing out the referee. After saying one of those things you shouldn't say to a referee, Kelssek's coach was booted, and Qazox took full advantage just minutes later..."

Minute 15:
"A strange start to the match, as each side has lost a player to a red card and Kelssek's coach is gone as well. Qazox has the throw-in taken by Cruz-Preli, who finds Spingler. Spingler has it now dashing up the right side, over to Tarricone, who sees an opening, and GOOOOOAL! Anderson Tarricone makes it 1-0 Qazox here early and the crowd of just over 98,000 is going crazy"


"Kelssek seemed a bit distracted after that goal and Qazox is not a team that allows mistakes by other teams to go unpunished..."

Minute 19:
"And Kelssek, after losing its coach and main striker to a red card, Qazox is taking advantage and is sending 6 forward. Jaus has it over to Valladores, back for Tarricaone, who shoots and GOOOOOOAL! Anderson Tarricone makes it 2-0 Qazox and 20 minutes haven't gone by!"


"Trailing 2-0, Kelssek finally found itself and slowly worked its way back froward, but the Qazox defense held firm and after a failed corner kick, a counter-attack started..."

Minute 32:
"Stasinos has it, over to Cruz-Preli, back to Spingler, over to Jaus, a shot, kicked out, taken back by Cruz-Preli, over to Tarricone, who's looking for a hat-trick, he's swarmed, over to Spinlger, and GOOOOOOALL! 3-0 Qazox on a goal by Stevie Spingler, and Kelssek is in deep trouble now."


"With a 3-0 halftime lead, Qazox seemed to have the match well in hand, but just a few minutes into the match, the tides of fortune shifted over to Kelssek... "

Minute 47:
"Jaus is taken down by Pierre-Luc Dubois. And the referee didn't see it. Jaus shoves Dubois and what a flop! The referee saw that and takes out the red card, as well a flop like that deserves one, and shows it to Kallie Jaus! Unbeliveable! Jaus is shown a red card and Now Ryan Greenley is out on the pitch arguing with the referee, and He's shown a red card, and will join Jaus in the locker room. What a horrid call, as now Kelssek has a 10-on-9 advantage. "


"Advantge indeed, as Kelssek struck back hard, getting 2 goals within minutes of each other... "

Minute 49:
"The crowd is livid after that miscarriage of justice by that referee. Kelssek has it now for a corner kick, taken by Ian Sinclair and its now 3-1 Qazox, as Sinclair slapped it right by Goolden to put Kelssek on the board."


Minute 51:
"3-1 now and Qazox needs to settle down a bit here and spread out the field and play keep away. And it's stolen by Charles Fletcher, who sees Sinclair open over the middle, Sinclair over to Vincent Arsenault and now it 3-2 Qazox and Kelssek has the momentum on its side now."


"After the two quick goals, Both teams settled down a bit and the next 10 minutes saw both sides attempt to delay the game. Assistant Coach Francis DuMiont decided that one last attack was in order and sent in Raul de Olivares for Maria Cruz-Preli, sacrificing a good defender for a chance to regain momentum, and it worked, for a bit..."

Minute 63:
"Still 3-2 Qazox here, with just under 30 minutes left of this infuriating game. 3 red cards and both coaches gone. Raul de Olivares is in now, for Cruz-Preli. Perhaps Qazox is trying one last push here. Spingler sends forward to Tarricone, over to Valladores sees de Olivares, and GOOOOOOALLL! 4-2 Qazox as Raul de Olivares gives Qazox a 2-goal lead, and maybe have sewn up this match."


"Truer words those were not. After the de Olivares goal, Kelssek switched to a more offensive formation and just 10 minutes later, the lead was 1 again, after a Evelo tackle of Sinclair..."

Minute 73:
"Ian Sinclair has it set up for the penalty kick, and I'm suprised that Tenesha Evelo wasn't given a red card there. and Goal, 4-3 Qazox as Ian Sinclair gets his 2nd goal of the match and now maybe Kelssek has a chance."


"Qazox jsut ran out of gas being a man down for so long and Sinclair completed his great day..."

Minute 86:
"Qazox is hanging on by a thread here late, as the 9 men out there are tired and despite a couple more subsitutions by Francis DuMiont, Kelssek ahs dominated play for the last 20 minutes or so. Darach Salthill, who just came in a few minutes ago, finds Sinclair, and GOOAL. Russ Heberly, was out of postiton and Ian Sinclair becomes just the 3rd player to score a hat-trick against Qazox, and we're tied at 4-4 all."


"After that grueling match, Qazox now has to go to Quakmybush, where a win would boost the Pheonix into a 6 point lead over the Sharks and one step closer to the World Cup. But after the shear amount of energy expended in the last match, will it come back to haunt the Pheonix?"


QAZOX Goals:
Valladores: 6
Jaus: 6 (1 PK)
Cruz-Preli: 3 (1 PK)
Tarricone: 4
de Olivares: 3
Spingler: 2
St. Louis: 1
Erca: 1
Christian: 1

(ooc: dammit, Kelssek beat me to it)

Hamburger Hill Herald

Zombie Pelé scored twice early, but then Land de Wood brought out its pedestrian solution to the thier "Zombie Problem". Shotguns, whicha re appearently legal in a soccer match. After 11 shots had been fired, Dr. Mkembe had to play the rest of the match by himself and amazingly, he only allowed 2 goals, as Prux kept its 6-point lead over Land de Wood and now faces Greal next. The only good things about Greal are: 1- Strict Gun control, 2- there's an eclipse scheduled for tommorrow which will last 100 minutes and 3- they don't have muzzles, we think. So a victory is probable.

Schedule:
vs. Arroza WIN 3-0 (1-0-0 record)
@ Land de Wood WIN 3-0 (2-0-0 record)
vs. Greal WIN 2-0 (3-0-0 record)
@ Bazalonia Lose 1-3 (3-0-1 record)
vs. Nuevos Aires W 5-0 (4-0-1 record)
@ Bostopia Lose 0-5 (4-0-2 record)
BYE
@ Arroza DRAW 2-2 (4-1-2 record)
vs. Land de Wood DRAW 2-2 (4-2-2 record)
@ Greal
vs. Bazalonia
@ Nuevos Aires
vs. Bostopia
BYE

Prux' Goals:
Zombie Pelé: 6
Zombie Just Fontaine: 3
Dr. Mkembe: 2
Zombie Ronaldo: 2
Zombie Zinedine Zidane (aka Triple Z): 2
Zombie Lothar Matthäus: 2
Zombie Diego Maradona: 1

Green Wombat Daily Tattler

A huge loss in more ways than one, as Valanora stomps the wombats 5-1, and the loss drops Green wombat 3 points behind Blouman Empire and 5 goals behind on differential as well. With a trip to Demot up next, anything less than a victory, could spell the end of the qualifying attempt.

SCORING:
Val: Ikles Razov- 6'
Val: Ikles Razov- 18'
Val: Scott Soldarian- 36'
GW: Ronald Wilcox- 52'
Val: Deuce Zadora- 85'
Val: Anti Fresco- 90+2'

SCHEDULE:
MD1: vs. Ron Paulovia WIN 3-2
MD2: @ Valanora Draw 3-3
MD3: vs. Demot Lost 1-3
MD4: @ West Zirconia Draw 2-2
MD5: BYE
MD6: vs. Central Prestonia WIN 3-0
MD7: @ Blouman Empire Lose 1-3
BYE DATE
MD8: @ Ron Paulovia WIN 1-0
MD9: vs. Valanora Lost 1-5
MD10: @ Demot
MD11: vs. West Zirconia
MD12: BYE
MD13: @ Central Prestonia
MD14: vs. Blouman Empire


RECORD: 3-2-3 4th place in group. (-3 points from playoff berth)
GOALS:
Utley: 5
Blessing: 4
Henke: 2
Wilcox: 2
Karp: 1

You're watching...Zwangzug World Cup football. Surprisingly enough. Surely the channel's greatest highlight, in between the gridiron Abominable Snowmen and basketball.

Panoramic view of Kosovoe's home stadium...

"...which is named Zwalgfelder Arena, it would seem."

"Sounds sort of like home."

"And our home-field advantage helped us so much on the first leg."

"Beats another loss though."

"Well, technically nobody was beaten-"

"Oh, enough with the technicalities. We've got a game to broadcast."

"Zwangzug hoping for all three points here today..."

"...tentative try from Kucinich, Hiroshima to clear it."

"Keller lurking back in the midfield-why do so many of our midfielders' names start with K?"

"Why do so many of our defenders' names start with C?"

"Another great question."

"Statistical coincidence. Jamie Barry in possession, shoots for...Goal for Kosovoe..."

"...Chip Noonan, who came in at the hour for Dirk Grosa, now in control."

"Noonan-rounds Myers, surging ahead now."

"Nice setup for Muus Jurin, pity he doesn't know what to do with it."

"Now I think you're under-estimating him! Yes! Goal for Muus Jurin!"

"Excellent. We've just equalized against the fifth seeds. Here in the seventy-first minute. Forgive me for restraining my emotions."

"Oh, I think not restraining them would have been more of a problem...but we've still got the point, yes?"

"I'm sorry to break it to you, but we've never had a point."

"I was talking about the football team."

"Oh. That's fine, then."

Kate Sallad and Kara Kool taking crap ...

Kara: Not your day I see.
Kate: Not my day? Stupid ref!
Kara: He had a fair game.
Kate: How is one supposed to play football when the ref blows the whistle over any little incident.

Kara: Rules are rules. Just they enforced it today.
Kate: Yeah? No one scored from breaks because the cross-eyed ref blew off-side all day.
Kara: Both sides didn't execute the breaks well.
Kate: I reckon we could have had 10 goals if the ref had better eyesight.

Kara: Anyway, it's over. The hardest games are done.
Kate: We lost both of them!
Kara: It'll be alright.
Kate: Losing is for girls!

Kara: We are girls.
Kate: I mean wimps.
Kara: At least your rabbit sister didn't give anyway a penalty.
Kate: We should of sent off half the Sel Appan team the way they treated my sister.

Kara: It happens if you put a small defender like Jacinta in.
Kate: Stupid ref blew the whistle on technical stuff but let all the rough stuff happen.
Kara: Look Sel Appa won fair.
Kate: Nay Kara, it was a draw.

Kara: I do suppose that last goal called off-side wasn't.
Kate: Exactly, we actually should have won.
Kara: But we didn't.
Kate: Four more games, the Monks had their bye today.

Kara: The Saints drew again.
Kate: How come we cannot beat Sel Appa but everyone else can!
Kara: Maybe they know how to play us but have no clue about the others.
Kate: That's rubbish that.

Kara: Maybe they play us well because we are a top team and they slack against the weaker teams.
Kate: Top teams don't slack, they play badly.
Kara: Good point.
Kate: Anyway, you get your new coin?

Kara: New coin?
Kate: The one with Princess Marie on side and Princess Jacinta on the other.
Kara: But they are just care-takers, our King is just on holidays.
Kate: I think the Jeruselem Mint is bored.

Kara: Well, you have it here?
Kate: This one is mine. Lookee here
Kara: Why is Jacinta Dallas posing like the Virgin Mary when she's more like Mary Magalene.
Kate: Don't ask me

Kara: Marie's boobs look a bit too big
Kate: Mine are bigger.
Kara: On the coin, not real boobs.
Kate: Well, I like it. Not that you have small ones either.

Kara: Yeah, but I keep mine off camera.
Kate: I dunno, I've seen videos on the Internet with you in it.
Kara: Those ones aren't exactly taken with my permission.
Kate: See, you need to manage your media profile.

Kara: Why are talking about boobs when we're talking about coins.
Kate: You started the boobs talk.
Kara: Never mind
Kate: We have to plug this thing on TV

Kara: Why are these bronze?
Kate: Because ... Silver and Gold aren't cheap.
Kara: I suppose you have buy those.
Kate: Err, according the thingy here. The circulation ones are bronze but the Silver and Gold ones are collectors items.

Kara: Why would I buy one then?
Kate: Because you're Jewish and you like Silver and Gold.
Kara: Yeah, I would buy one ... damn it.
Kate: I suppose you want a Kate Sallad doll too?

Kara: No, that's something different.
Kate: We're on air in a few minutes.
Kara: OK, no blaming the ref for the loss.
Kate: Never, I'll blame the ref gluing the whistle to his mouth.

Kara: And we played Sel Appa, not Gamera.
Kate: It sounds the same
Kara: Gamera is not Sel Appa.
Kate: But Gamera lives in Sel Appa, according to monks anyway.

Prux 2–2 Land de Wood

Well this was certainly an interesting game, one might even call it a game of two halves. In the first half the Zombies were up to their usual brilliance with Zombie Pele scoring two beautiful goals, leaving Land de Wood two-nil down at half time and needing something different in the second half. Different being exactly what they found. Before we tell you about the second half, let us relay to you an interview we had with Andrew Wood at half time.

Larry: Good afternoon Andrew,
Andrew: Good afternoon Larry,
Larry: So not looking too good out there, the supposedly magic Christmas Tree formation has not lit up for you today.
Andrew: No, it hasn't however, I've been reading through the rules for this competition.
Larry: Ah, trying to find out any clause that will trip the Zombies up.
Andrew: Indeed, but there is nothing that excludes Zombies, however, there is also nothing that excludes shot guns either.
Larry: But you can't have a team of shot guns can you? They haven't got any legs!
Andrew: True, but if I issue my players with shot guns, then they can shoot these zombies and then we can keep playing and score as many goals a s we like, thus negating Prux' goal difference advantage and giving us a great chance to qualify.
Larry: But aren't there rules against Land de Wood citizens carrying shotguns besides we are in Prux, did we bring any shot guns with us?
Andrew: My Prime Minister security detail of twelve men each carry a shot gun with a single bullet to protect me. I am hereby making my 11 players deputies using the power invested in me by the state and issuing them each with a shot gun. My chief security guard will remain to protect me with the remaining shot gun.
Larry: Um, but aren't those shot guns only to be used to defend you.
Andrew: Indeed, but I think 11 Zombies running around just yards away from me constitutes a danger to my health and I therefore need to be defended from them!
Larry: Indeed you do, so will you be using this as a new tactic throughout the qualifying campaign, we would be unstoppable if you did.
Andrew: Unfortunately, against normal teams, I can't consider myself under threat, so it is only against this Zombie team this tactic can be employed.
Larry: Indeed, well I trust it works.
Andrew: So do I, so do I.

So back on to the field came the Woodpeckers armed with shotguns no less! The fans watched in amazement as their players were shot to pieces, all 11 Prux players are on the ground, surely this is a walkover. But wait there's a substitution being made. The Prux manager Dr. Mkembe is bringing himself on in goal.

So the second half went like this, we had 45 shots on goal, Dr. Mkembe saved 43 of them but Richard Higgins and Steve Redrow managed to score a goal a piece.

The game ended 2-2, it remains to be seen if the Zombies can pull themselves back together or if Dr. Mkembe is going to have to play the rest of the tournament on his own!

We really needed a win from that game to keep our qualifying hopes alive, but nothing is impossible, we just need to dig deep and try and win the rest of our games and hope the Zombies slip up.

In the Jeruselem embassy in Qazox ...

Finn: Hey, someone sent us some money.
Dazza: You're complaining?
Finn: It's not like we need anymore Dazza.
Dazza: Well, what it is?

Finn: Just some coins with two bimbos on it. One looks like you.
Dazza: That's your kids, silly!
Finn: They looked familiar.
Dazza: You having memory problems now?

Finn: Gee, you're right.
Dazza: My girls are running Jeruselem! Don't forget.
Finn: Things must slow around here, I must be getting slow too.
Dazza: Well, I can fix that.

Finn: Err, no more kids thanks. Got enough grand-kids
Dazza: More is better!
Finn: That is either Jacinta or the Virgin Mary with big boobs ....
Dazza: It's Jacinta, the Virgin Mary is lot taller.

Finn: I reckon that Marie image is actually you.
Dazza: We don't look too different so it could be even my Kate or Kate Sallad.
Finn: At least my two girls haven't started any wars yet.
Dazza: They won't, unless someone annoys Marie too much. Jacinta is indifferent to all that.

Finn: I heard people are inviting them parties a lot.
Dazza: Oh, that's just people trying get favours out of them.
Finn: Explains why we always get invited to parties. They invite you but you drag me along.
Dazza: You have to enjoy one's self while you have life in you.

Finn: I suppose you are the Queen Mother.
Dazza: Not bad for a stupid cheerleader hey! Yo, why did marry bikey here.
Finn: I don't know why actually.
Dazza: So, what would have happened if you didn't?

Finn: I would have been living a small house with lots of kids and little income.
Dazza: Doesn't sound too bad!
Finn: Not if some of your income goes to the local church.
Dazza: So, any regrets?

Finn: Not really, if your kids run the country - you've done well.
Dazza: Don't forget your medication.
Finn: Oh yes, for my dodgy memory. What's up with your memory. Like an elephant.
Dazza: No idea but let's hope the kids don't have your memory problems.

Greal World Cup 42 Match 8

Another loss, at least the team wasn't slaughtered like last time. Now Greal needed to improve in rankings for the next two days, or else they could not enter the World Cup. Bostopia easily overran Greal in a game 3-0. Greal's next opponent is Prux, and hopefully, this time, the zombies won't score as much. There would be a few slight changes to the team after the match with Prux.


Schedule

20/8 (wed) - qualifying MD01 @ Nuevos Aires (WIN 1-0)
21/8 (thu) - qualifying MD02 vs Bostopia (LOSS 0-5)
22/8 (fri) - qualifying MD03 @ Prux (LOSS 0-2)
23/8 (sat) - qualifying MD04 vs. Arroza (DRAW 1-1)
24/8 (sun) - qualifying MD05 @ Land de Wood (LOSS 1-3)
25/8 (mon) - qualifying MD06 OFF DAY/BYE (No Matches)
26/8 (tue) - qualifying MD07 vs. Bazalonia (LOSS 1-3)
27/8 (wed) - mid-qualifying friendlies (Caf) (No Matches)
28/8 (thu) - qualifying MD08 vs Nuevos Aires (WIN 3-0)
29/8 (fri) - qualifying MD09 @ Bostopia (LOSS 0-3)
30/8 (sat) - qualifying MD10 vs Prux
31/8 (sun) - qualifying MD11 @ Arroza
1/9 (mon) - qualifying MD12 vs Land de Wood
2/9 (tue) - qualifying MD13 OFF DAY/BYE
3/9 (wed) - qualifying MD14 @ Bazalonia

I'm manager of Ad’ihan — what next?
By Paul Simon
Guest writer

Imagine. I'm Luke Evans, manager of the Ad’ihani national football team. We're lying third in Group 5 after eight games; despite being second seeds we've only picked up four wins from eight games, with a total of 15 points. I must be wondering to myself, why?

What is it that we've not done right? We're scoring more than our fair share of goals — we've bundled 19 into opponents' nets, including our largest win in history (5-0 over Lingdinis Insania) — and keeping them out for the most part (only seven conceded).

Our three strikers have scored 11 of the 19 goals, so we're not having problems with finishing. But when I was away at the Olympics a few weeks ago, we lost 1-0 at home to Universitus University. That was embarrassing, and it's a good thing Alex Lewis-Edwards got the sack for that.

Kieran Ó Branagáin, our Sorthern-born striker, scored his first national hat-trick against Kura-Pelland. An amazing effort against a team better than us on paper (ranked 14th to our 15th) — too bad we still only managed a 3-3 draw somehow.

Even our veterans, whom I dropped to the bench prior to the start of the tournament, have come on and scored — Justin Stenstrom, specifically, showing why he was my first-choice pick for so long in the heart of the defence.

So, with no faults to speak of, imagine this. I'm manager of Ad’ihan. What next? Some wins and automatic World Cup qualification, hopefully.

Paul Simon is a guest writer for this newspaper.

"So...item eight...the low attendances. Young Pip?"

"It's pretty clear, gentlemen. People have lost interest in international football."

"Why is that? We are going a storm!"

"Nobody believes it. So often Wentland end up in the World Cup finals, then get knocked out in the first or second stage. It happens nearly every time. Whatever Wentland does is never enough to get past the last eight."

"We got to the semi finals."

"Once."

"But even now people are not bothered?"

"No. They just think it will be the same as before. Wentland will qualify, perhaps more easily somehow, and then get knocked out. Maybe they will be more interested if Wentland DOES get past the first phase, but there seems to be a bit of World Cup burn-out."

"This is a bit silly. Only the elite even get to the finals..."

"Indeed, but people are not seeing it that way. The thing that gets people interested is the unexpected, the chance or the dream of success. Hence the record attendances in the League after Crowhurst's run of titles was broken and even Burndean won the Cup. It's this random element of chance."

"There is surely a random element in World Cup football though!"

"Not really. Look at the leading teams. You've got Jeruselem, Tynelia, Qazox, Kura-Pelland, Bostopia and so on. All winning their groups. Only Az-Cz are unexpectedly low and nobody seriously expects they will fail to qualify."

"But that's because they are the best teams. They are bound to be at the top."

"Perhaps, but there is no mechanism to challenge them. People are concerned that the whole thing is turning into a self-perpetuating oligarchy. Indeed Wentland are seen as a junior member of that, with no chance to get into the top ten, but in no danger of dropping out of the top thirty. It's the mediocrity of it all that is proving frustrating and people are not going to the matches. They know we will beat X and draw with Y and once we are in the finals it's the first plane home."

"Where are we in the rankings?"

"Difficult to say as it changes. Eighteenth or so. No question we are over-achieving at the moment in our group. Which makes it more annoying that people are not paying more attention to what is going on. But we have been in the teens for about ten World Cups now. The only teams we have gone above in recent years are those that have vanished off the face of the Nation States earth."

"Hmm...I think we need to know more..."

"I am planning on doing some research, but for the moment there is nothing that we can do, other than perhaps offer free tickets or whatever to get people in the grounds. But I am not sure if people will bother. We are a few points away from guaranteed qualification, with some easy games to play, so why should people support? Especially with the tight battles at the top and bottom of the League..."

((OOC- Tynelia post))

"Agent Jones, Agent Jones get in here." Agent Smith demanded over the intercom, and as expected the two Jones promptly made their appearance.

"We finally got them Jones. Those NOCCRO whackos finally made their mistake."

"Sir?" Agent Jones 1 asked confused.

"The near riot at the basketball arena the other night right sir?" Agent Jones 2 answered.

"Correct Jones. We couldn;t do much while they were all goody goody but now they're interfering with Tynelian society. And i want you two to push things further."

"How will we do that sir?" Jones 2 asked.

"I want you people to find some lower level agents, preferably fresh out of the academy, idealist, you know the sort. And i want more of these incidents to take place. We need to turn the general population against these people. Right now they haven;t really been paying much attention." Smith explained.

"So will we stick to sporting events or just random actions?" Jones 1 asked.

"I would guess sporting events for now, that's the only activity to date right sir?" Jones 2 answered.

"Correct. Until they break the pattern we can;t or people might get suspicious. If we're lucky even their leaders will think its a splinter radical group joining in and they will waste time trying to track it down. That will give us more time to act."

"And what of the students? They will certainly be arrested as a result of this sir." Jones 1 asked.

"They will be given extra credit for their activities towards their co-op assignments and someone will be there to bail them out, without contact with the governement of course."

"And if the fanatics start checking up on the students they will find no real religious leanings." Jones 2 added.

"Don't worry, we'll have aliases set up for them all once you two choose them by the time the operation begins. I suggest using a Adams rank Agent to organize things behind the scenes once the two of you decide on targets and security breaches so they can get in easily. Now get two it Joneses, this could be the break we've been looking for against these nuts since they first came together."

"Yes sir!"

Glaycia factbook part 2nd to last

Economy- Fishing is the primary industry of the country as it has for many years. However recently discovered copper deposits in the northwest a dozen km from Dubingu have started a mining industry to go along with a rapidly growing tourist industry centered around the hot springs to the east in the area of Varisktu. Tours to the springs or just walking along the recently constructed hiking trails have become popular. Boating trips and whale watching are another tourist favorite. A major tourist attaraction of the winter is the “Festival of Ice” where much of the islanders spends days creating ice sculptures in the main towns from glacial ice brought in for just such an occasion. A very popular tradition with the winner each year given a prize of 10,000 Aoons (1 Aoon= .85 US dollars)

The island has two major ports- one in Varisktu and a larger one in Anaboug. Anaboug also boasts the only airport on the isle just to the west of the city.

Transportation has been made easier with the building of the two main highways. The Coastal Road which runs along the coast from Dubingu to Faalosko to Anaboug to Varisktu is the main highway on the isle which extends some distance to the north as well on both the east and west ends. However a second interior highway the Central Road connecting Dubingu to Hodulou to Varisktu has seen an increase in traffic as well in recent years. A third highway connecting Hodulou to Anaboug, the Northern Road, was completed a few years ago interconnecting all the five main towns on the isle. Cycling however is also very popular in the south where roads are ice clear most of the year.

Energy- about 60% of the island’s energy needs are taken care of by the geothermal energy abundant on the isle. A geothermal power plant is located outside of Varisktu and a hydroelectric plant is near Faalosko providing another 35% of the energy needs. Wind power is also common in the western regions to take advantage of the strong winds always there and provide 2% of the isle’s energy needs. The remaining 3% consists of imported oil though the Glacians hope to become free of that energy type in the years to come. Cars are the main mode of transportation and are almost all hybrid vehicles which need only about 10% of the gas a normal vehicle uses, though attempts are being made to reduce this to 0 and replace it with hydrogen fuel cells.

<meanwhile back at Inga and Ludden's home>
"See that Inga- another victim of the Glaycian weather today. So cold they couldn;t move fast enough to put anything in the net."

"Yes Ludden i was watching too you know."

"Too bad we can;t play all out games here, except for those Death Touch people no one would be able to handle the conditions here and we'd be undefeated!"

"Well dear, that just wouldn;t be fair to the other teams, i'm sure their fans want to see them playing too."

"Nonsense Inga, those other places have seen lots of games already, we need to catch up."

"It still wouldn;t be right. They should watch their team play at home too. i bet their families like it, might be some poor folk not able to travel all the way here to se them. its good for the game."

"Bah there's no arguing with you Inga, change the channel, i hear the Northern Run cross country skiing race is coming on soon. I bet Baste Gunnarson si going to win it again!"

"If you say so dear, i'm going to the other room and watch the curling. Cross country skiing is just too boring for my taste."

"Bah Inga you never like any of the good sports."

"So how are we doing?"

"Very well, we're in first place with 22 points and 6 points up on second place"

"That's excellent, how did that happen?"

"I have no idea man, no idea but somehow we just can't lose. Look at that Lovisa match we were down 2-0 for 70 minutes until two goals by Kenji Miller in 5 minutes tied it and a goal by Halforth in stoppage time won it"

"That's pretty sick but I don't think we're the story of the group if I remember correctly"

"You are absolutely right man, the group's been crazy. Nire and Nire, Dancougar and Lovisa are all smacking it out for the second and third spots in the group"

"That does not sound right at all"

"Well when you look at it, it is right"

"But what about the sky?"

"Well it's a piece of our atmosphere that looks blue when clear, despite actually being either green or yellow, I forget which that makes the day look brighter. It also has clouds in it and these clouds create rain which helps allow to live because rain begets water and water leads to life"

"Ummm... wow that was a joke question but thank you"

"You're welcome, I got a C in physics"

"So what about this whole group thing?"

"Well... ummmm... oh yeh Nire and Nire are 3 points up on Dancougar but the Cougars have a game in hand and those Black Wings are up by 1 point over Lovisa because we beat them (Lovisa)"

"Why did you call them the Cougars and then the Black Wings"

"Because they are the Dancougar Black Wings but I think it makes more sense if they were the Cougars. So I used both simultaneously because it's more fun that way"

"O...k... then"

"Yep, it's the wave of the future baby to have multiple nicknames, soon we'll be the Hunter-Gatherers"

"That's a stupid nickname right there"

"That's what you think"

"Yes I do think that"

"That's what you think"

"Will you shut up"

"No"

"Fine be that way"

"I will"

"That's what you think"

"GODDAMNIT SHUT UP OR WILL MURDER YOU!"

"That's what you think"

"YES! THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I THINK AND I LOVE IT NOW LET'S END THIS!"

"Sheesh no reason to get so angry"

"Yes there is"

"No there isn't"

"Yes there is"

"No there isn't"

"Yes there is"

"No there isn't"

"Come on you Warriors!"

"COME ON YOU WARRIORS!"

"Miya!"

"Heeyah!"

"Cheese!"

"Margaret!"

"That guy Millar!"

"Yeh that was weird"

"Oh well"

"Yep"

"Merfelluoos resoolt, Jooun"

"Ebsulootely, Seemeune-a. Zee leds vere-a sooperb ell dey. 1-0 duesn't ifee begeen tu refflect oooor soopereeurity. Cooleesu hed nutheeng tu du ell dey. Glycesu und Nuteresu shoot doon Kerece's veeng ettecks deed. Peleeulugu dumeeneted zee centre-a ooff meedffield. Und Ioogeneeutes' guel ves ixqooeesitely tekee. Ve-a cuooldn't esk fur mure-a."

"Ixcept a cuoople-a ooff mure-a guels, perheps."

"Oooor guel deefffference-a is elreedy ploos thurteee, ve'fe-a elreedy beetee Tyneleea, und ve're-a feefe-a pueents ebufe-a zee thurd-pleced teem."

"Vhu hefe-a a geme-a in hund"

"Boot oonly a ploos tvu guel deefffference-a."

"Zeey cun steell cetch us."

"Mr. Duum und Gluum tudey, eren't ve-a, oold freeend?"

"Su vuoold yuoo be-a iff yuoo hed tu keep telkeeng leeke-a thees! Hoo lung is thees stoopeed eccent theeng gueeng tu lest unyvey?"

"Unteel it veers ooffff."

"Vheech is gueeng tu be-a vhee?"

"I dun't knoo. Und ifee iff I deed, teeme's nun-leeneer here-a, remember...."

"Su I cuoold hefe-a thees stoopeed Svedeesh eccent zee rest ooff zee tuoornement?"

"I hupe-a nut, Seemeune-a.... fur but oooor sekes...."

América Right-Back William Burgos Presents: Twenty-Four Hours in Twenty-Four Seconds

Wake up

Get out of bed

Brush teeth

Use Protector Adequado Antiperspirant

Wonder vaguely where I am

Remember horrible flight from Lasft to Terreiro de Ogum

Shudder at the thought

Receive final instructions, starting XI, encouraging pat on the back, from Kris Healy

Travel on team bus to some old guy’s back garden

http://i176.photobucket.com/albums/w175/candelariaandmarquez/TdO.png

Offered nibbles on old guy’s patio (above, top right)

Ooh, bourbons

Politely refuse bottle of cachaça, remembering Frozen Ferret incident back in Starblaydia

Train on dirt pitch, nice little triangles, defence versus attack, three-on-two, hoofing it up to Smithy

Jog about a bit

Touch toes, shuffle side to side

Repeatedly hit outstretched hands with knees

Wonder why

Drop to ground and pretend to be chinchilla cleaning self in the dust

Earn social kudos for accurate mimicry of crepuscular rodent

Assemble in outside toilet for final team-talk

Listen to inspirational speech from Matteo Corradini; Come on Ladsh, Letsh thrash thoshe buggersh!

March out onto pitch, sing alternative Spanish words to O, Sweet Nation

“…colina-presidio resistentes…”

Corradini loses coin toss; prepare to defend end next to the compost heap

Get first touch of ball, drive forwards with ball, lose ball to bladdered Terreiro de Ogum midfielder

Wince as ball hits back of Joel Sbaïz’s net; give C&M defenders ‘Wot, me?’ hand gestures

Receive ball from resentful Steven Williams, dribble beyond half-way line, neat little give-and-go with Niv Cohen

Grin heartily

Collect loose pass, notice Tom Smith wandering unmarked into Bibah’s box

Make extremely witty cricket-based homosexual joke no-one will ever hear

Sigh, and hoof ball up to Smithy

Watch Arrigo Portuguese striker score equaliser, hug fellow Candelariasians at random

Half-time

Oranges

Plod about for a bit

Bring ball down off chest

Lose ball again when striker Mestre Kacet, imbued with the spirit of Ogum the wounded warrior himself and complaining that his testicles are cold in the time-honoured fashion; performs a cartwheel, kicks downward while in a handstand position, leaps back abruptly onto his feet and jinks back and forth and into a crouching position, before pushing out his left leg in the general direction of groin and ducking under opponent’s left leg, hooking his foot around inner thigh to cause a loss of balance, and taking control of the ball

Kick Mestre Kacet very hard in the shin

Receive yellow card from overly officious Newmanistanian ref

Start flowing move involving Matt Reddington and Niv Cohen, watch as Albrecht Turkish midfielder plays in Dionísio Madeira Lobos perfectly for C&M winner

Feign injury at manager’s behest to allow singing broad bean five-minute cameo appearance

Warm-down, pile onto team coach, receive text message in furious Portuguese from Cafundelense girlfriend

Enquire sheepishly as to which Cafundelense girlfriend she happens to be

Mutter ‘Ah, right, the terminally pregnant one’

Receive running commentary on birth

It’s a boy

It’s a girl

It’s twins

Ask agent to write angry letter over standard of obstetric sonography in Lasft state

Return to hotel with team, eat final evening meal, chat up dwarfish waitress

Spill coffee on dwarfish waitress

Shag dwarfish waitress anyway

Retire to hotel room to ponder emptiness of existence


Protector Adequado; because a twenty-four hour footballer needs a twenty-four hour deodorant

Directly after the previous meeting:

Roberto: You’ve got to be kidding me. You don’t just completely try to destroy a sport, I mean we still carry sports that no one ever watches. I mean we have teams dedicated to Arena Football. We have a division dedicated to covering the Tour de Qazox, and you’re going to seriously tell me that we can’t cover soccer?

Chairman: No one ever said that we can’t afford to cover the sport. What we said is that if the Ministry of Sport refuses to fund the sport beyond the barest of minimums, and no one cares enough to make a domestic league for the sport, even our best players beg for spots on foreign club sides, then why should we even attempt to care?

Roberto: Because it’s a popular sport. More importantly, it’s a sport worthy of the attention of the company! We’ve got players on our national team that are playing at the highest level in the world! Can you say that about your coverage of the WBC, or the Tour de Qazox?

Chairman: It’s more important than that. The powers that be want the citizens to be proud of their identity, and to be more “Arrozan” whatever the heck that means. That means getting rid of a bunch of panty-waisted things that weren’t ever popular. And basically, in sport that means killing Soccer. We could kill the other sports that weren’t started or played here, but what’s the point? No one watched any of the other foreign sports, people actually watched Soccer, and that’s why it’s such a threat. Basically, the less we have to deal with all of these foreigners, and their odd ways the stronger we’ll be as a nation, and that means ending a competition that only gets attention in foreign countries, and that we’re not even good at. We made a lot of money off it, but we neeed to drop it, or else we might lose a lot of our tax credits. They might even re-open up that old anti-trust suit against us. We can’t afford to keep the sport.

Roberto: Fine, I submit my resignation effective immediately.

Chairman: If you think that this is the part where I say something significant and beg you to stay, or go the other way and threaten you and say that I’m going to crush you and break your career, then you’re overestimating your own value here. You’ve fired enough people, I’m sure you know where the cardboard boxes are, etc., etc. And remember to turn your card in.

Roberto leaves the room, going to pack all of his belongings into the nasty molded Cardboard boxes of failure (-2 to Pride.) Meanwhile, the chairman is making calls to people in the field. Across Arroza the signs are out in full force. Banners proclaiming the Soccer matches on ASN-2 are taken down, and sent to incinerators. Coverage of the Tar Hornets’ match at Land de Wood are excised from newspapers, leaving oddly shaped and hastily placed advertisements. Basically, unless you were one of the adamant fans of Soccer who followed the game through the internet and independent sites, you couldn’t be faulted for thinking that the sport had ceased to exist. By the time the team would return to Atalanta, they would have gone from budding nationally recognized stars to common nobodies.

Arroza 2: Lancaster, Kandji
Prux 2: Zombie, Zombie. (As far as we’re concerned, once you lose your soul you lose the right to a name.)

World Cup Qualification - Group 5
MD1: vs Gerainia (3-1) (@ Gwangdong Imperial Sports Complex and Stadium, Gwangju)
MD2: @ Ad'ihan (1-2) (@ Protectorate Stadium, Ad'ihan)
MD3: vs Universitus University (3-1) (@ King Kim Iljei Memorial Football Stadium, Malnira)
MD4: @ kenavt (4-1) (@ Granderson Stadium)
MD5: vs Lingdinis Insania (3-0) (@ Sanhaemun Football Stadium, Jinhwangdo)
M6: @ Kura-Pelland (0-3)
MD7: -bye-
MQ: vs Taeshan (1-0) (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD8: @ Gerainia (2-0)
MD9: vs Ad'ihan (1-1) (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD10: @ Universitus University
MD11: vs kenavt (@ Goguryeo Football Stadium, Hanseong)
MD12: @ Lingdinis Insania
MD13: vs Kura-Pelland (@ Cha Beomgeun Memorial Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD14: -bye-
PQ: TBD


Well, thankfully, things had calmed down since the last episode where innocent civilians were nearly killed in a bombing sortie over the previously-thought-to-be-uninhabited island that no one seems to have claimed. Reconnaissance suggests that the majority of the terrorist camp was obliterated, and traces of the said civilian could not be found. Commodore Yi finally received all of the intelligence that Captain Hwang had gotten before he ordered the bombing run. It seems that there were two civilians on the island - one lunatic inhabitant, and the other a recent addition. It seemed obvious to him at that point - "They're conspirators!"

"Sir?"

"They're conspirators! The Mujeongbu have been using innocent civilians to prevent other navies to bombarding this stretch of land in the middle of nowhere and protect this island as it seems."

Gasps came from his officers. Commodore Yi hushed them immediately. "the one who has been here a long time seems to be a devout conspirator. He may be a secret Mujeongbu terrorist himself who's lost all use of his self, so he volunteered to be a blocker. The new fellow may be a hostage."

"A hostage situation?"

"Quiet! I'm still thinking..."

All of the possibilities were funneling through Commodore Yi's mind. "We must rescue this innocent civilian from harm! We'll send a battalion of Imperial Marines to storm the island, rescue the civilian and remove any hostile threats. Once we secure the island, we'll begin to build naval fortifications with our auxiliary engineer company. To keep the Mujeongbu from coming back."

"But that will be an expensive project."

"This island cannot fall into the hands of violent anarchists!" Commodore Yi yelled adamantly. "No one else is going to claim this island anyway, so we might as well take the burden upon ourselves to reinforce this outcrop! Colonel Pak, I want a battalion ready for landing. We'll have aerial surveillance to ensure no hostile activities before you land. The island is too small for armored support, so we can't send in the APCs."

"Won't this sort of activity attract the attention of other countries in the surrounding area?"

"Maybe. But we're doing this for their good anyway."

"I think we should cable the Emperor before we send any troops to the island."

"That will take too long. We must rescue the hostage. Now stop questioning my authority. We're going to move in quickly!"

After the game against Nire and Nire, a 2-0 loss, Stephen had been beside himself with glee. As the game wore on, he could tell DuPont was getting desperate. Furuya came in for Ikeda, and when that failed to work... even better. All of Dancougar's foreign stars had failed them in a crucial match. Two home wins had followed, but now they were three points back from Nire and Nire staring down the barrel that was Milchama. Away.

"At this rate, we'll be lucky to get the playoff," Stephen grinned. "The second phase will be clear! I can't believe it!"

"And what comes after that?" asked C. "A new coach, and maybe Ikeda retires from international play. Morimoto will be right behind him. But there are still guys who will pick up for them... Underwood looked strong in the last game, and Berber is probably going to be the main defender in time."

"That is troublesome," said Stephen. "But if I can secure a position on the FA advisory board, then I might be able to clear that phase myself."

"You really think they'll listen to you?" asked C. Stephen only waved his hand over his eye in response, to which she giggled. "So you'll use that, then?"

"If the situation calls for it," Stephen replied. "If we discover enough players at the next Oxen Cup, it may be feasible to build that kind of lineup." He browsed over to the usual forums. Already, fans were losing patience.

The Wings are going to sink tonight against Milchama. A two goal loss might be asking too much. I'll bet a whole internet that Floren pops up.

Rumor has it that the Tynelians have been looking for ways to lose. They should talk to DuPont after the next game

World Cup Qualification - Group 1
MD1: vs Sel Appa (2-0)
MD2: @ Icy Cold Death Touch (0-0)
MD3: vs Kiryu-shi (3-1)
MD4: @ Ixania (2-1)
MD5: -bye-
MD6: vs Jeruselem (0-3)
MD7: @ The Archregimancy (1-1)
MQ: ---
MD8: @ Sel Appa (3-2)
MD9: vs Icy Cold Death Touch (2-2)
MD10: @ Kiryu-shi
MD11: vs Ixania
MD12: -bye-
MD13: @ Jeruselem
MD14: vs The Archregimancy
PQ: vs The Holy Empire (@ TBD)

Quando noi fummo là dove la coscia
si volge, a punto in sul grosso de l'anche,
lo duca, con fatica e con angoscia,

volse la testa ov' elli avea le zanche,
e aggrappossi al pel com' om che sale,
sì che 'n inferno i' credea tornar anche.


The Pope was again surprised and baffled. "So you're telling me melting ice cream doesn't do a thing to stop these devils?"

"It so seems."

"And we invited these devils into our midst only because the World Cup Organizing Committees decided that we should play against them?"

"Yes."

"And furthermore, that if we had won, we would be on top of the tables?"

"Of course."

"Because the whores of Jeruselem lost against the chelonian-idolaters from Sel Appa?"

"Yes."

The Pope threw up his hands in frustration. "Oh, LORD! Thou certainly art a genius. I cannot comprehend thy jests and furthermore, it boggles me to imagine that thou would permit thy faithful servants to FAIL against the infidels. Thy tests are certainly beyond the scope of our comprehension, and we beseech thy wisdom for the things remaining before us."

"Amen."

The Pope then turned to Father Thomas, who suddenly jerked his head up from prayer. "We cannot allow any more slip-ups against the heretics. When the Monks arrive, I want the floor to be immaculate. Their very steps shall be traced with holy water. And the Holy icons and relics shall be present to drown their heresy in a flood of holiness. And the day that we play against the Monks shall be a holy day! Mass shall be set all day, and no free man shall be set to do any work - except the team of course." Father Thomas nodded, but he did have a question. "Wouldn't that be a little too punishing upon our people? Mass all day?"

"Compared to drawing up ugly pictures of turtles, it's less torture than most."

"Couldn't we just whack the Monks with a golden crucifix as they enter the field?"

"Hmm, not a bad idea. Do that too. In fact, do it to our players from now on!"

"Whack them with a golden crucifix?"

"I want our players to be in prime condition. Their faith must not falter now."

"I don't think that the team's faith has faltered at all. In fact, it has strengthed. Father Thomas Aquinas has been a model coach for all to survey. His demonstrations of humility and piety are second to none."

"Hmm, a candidate for the next Pope?"

"Maybe. If more people paid attention to him."

"Well, we'll keep it in thought. For the moment, get your largest golden crucifix and use it wherever the team goes. I want our team to be infallible in the sight of God."

"Very well, Holy Father." Father Thomas didn't want to remark that his largest golden crucifix was a behemoth 1500 ton statue - almost to the point that the gold was sloffing off every time the earth trembled. It would be more torture to try using it as an instrument, but it seemed that Father Thomas already had in mind the perfect instrument at hand.

A country is surely a big place, you can't get from one place to another by yourself... you need something to help you. If you walk, you can die without reaching your destination... if you run, you can die trying to reach your destination... if you stop, you'll never reach your destination. In long trips, you need a transport.

And nothing is better than a comfortable bus! You won't get tired, you won't suffer with the heat, you'll just sit and relax while our driver (who is paid for that, so don't be sorry for him... most enjoy their work!) does the job for you! You'll reach your destination without problems, and won't spend as much as you spend in flights!

And what about your city? Some cities are really huge, and you'd never get from one place from another without a fast and smart transport! That's why we also work in building subway systems, to help you to reach your destination! An example is the Lasft subway, which connects all the main places of the city, as in the red line which connects the Breno Gavião station to the CCFM one! And soon you'll have the white station, which will connect the Jaçanã Prison station to the Favela station!

All of this thanks to Raio Transportes, the number one in buses and subways in Cafundéu!

And it is Raio Transportes, buses and subways that offers to you... the MD10 RP cutoff.

the Matchday 10 Results (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13970697&postcount=13)

Kara: Hello! This is Kara Kool for JGN. This is THE FOOTBALL LIFE, live some cold hell called Icy Cold Death Touch.
Kate: And I'm Rabbit Sallad, the yummiest girl in the world.
Kara: That's Kate, who is a rabbit when it comes to sex life.
Kate: I get more than you Kara.

Kara: Despite playing a field covered with ice, the grass frozen solid and locals looking like Satanists ... we won!
Kate: Yes, both field was so cold and field so frozen - well both teams wore ice skating gear to play football.
Kara: Yes, it looked like a ice skating game minus people hitting each to other with big sticks.
Kate: And we got a win after two losses.

Kara: Most goals involved kicking or attempting to kick. No fancy stuff today.
Kate: I think the locals though us Jeruselemites suck on ice. Well I like sucking icey poles!
Kara: She sucks other things too but let's leave it at that.
Kate: Come on Kara, well know you're good at that too! We won 4-1.

Kara: The Jeruselem team maybe a football team but we actually can skate.
Kate: We just use Dazza's private ice rink!
Kara: Personally, I've quite hopeless in ice.
Kate: I dunno about that, you only seem to fall over when Flak Sho is nearby.

Kara: That's coincidental.
Kate: Oh well, it wasn't bad. We won and we scored a lot of goals!
Kara: Sel Appa drew with the Monks two all meaning, they didn't take any advantage of our latest loss.
Kate: Yeah, well Sel Appa are doing better but gone now. They cannot catch us, Monks or Saints.

Kara: Yes, Sel Appa are goners.
Kate: The Saints beat Kiryu-Shi one nil.
Kara: Meaning we got lucky and Monks will not be happy.
Kate: It's pretty tight for Group 1

Kara: Those two losses hurt but I guess the game against the Saints is going to be huge.
Kate: We'll win.
Kara: Now, we aren't forgetting Jeru FC.
Kate: JERU BEAT KaMaRi ONE NIL, GO CANNONS!

Kara: Well done Cannons
Kate: Pity they have to play Vephrall again later.
Kara: Yes, but Jeru FC are two points behind Vephrall. It's not all bad.
Kate: OK, let's see who's not going make the finals!

Kara: Ixania in Group 1 cannot.
Kate: Well, Sel Appa and them Satanists have a remote chance of 3rd spot.
Kara: Pretty remote ...
Kate: Wijaska and Montgisard are gone in Group 2

Kara: Group 2 is insanely close with 5th placed Macabees in contention.
Kate: Solenial and Roddyville are goners in Group 3, with Legalese near gone too.
Kara: I say Taeshan are gone too.
Kate: Kannone are out of contention in Group 5.

Kara: Just to note KP should be best in Group 5 and have play-off spot.
Kate: Group 6, Liventia and Kanslov can give up.
Kara: East Ying are pretty stuffed although Mathematically they can make it.
Kate: C&M secure play-off spot with 3 teams out of Group 8.

Kara: Baptism of Fire winners West Zirconia aren't quite gone but they will be there.
Kate: Group 9, all but three teams will make it.
Kara: Very one sided group, with Prux probably going to take 3rd with the two B teams well placed.
Kate: Group 10, the SLANI have play-off minimum but We Hate Football hate it so much they are gone.

Kara: Cokenia and Tomarian are on way out too.
Kate: Group 11 - Linpada are out and so is Spazican States.
Kara: Cypron is not out we think that are gone too.
Kate: Group 12!

Kara: Europa Brittania are pretty much gone - but Cauci and Glaycia should eliminated soon.
Kate: The top 4 in this group is close and only the Purple Menace are safe but not officially.
Kara: Well, that's it from us.
Kate: It's really cold here. We don't like standing outside.

Kara: See you guys at home where the sun is warm and girls are cute.
Kate: That's it Kara!
Kara: Now why did I say that?
Kate: You speak the truth.

Kara: Please support Jeru FC
Kate: They need your support to at least make to 3rd spot in Group 12.
Kara: Of course, support us too.
Kate: Or I'm come around and sleep with your man! Just joking.

Group 1
Sel Appa 2–2 The Archregimancy
Kiryu-Shi 0–1 Magna Sancta Sedes
Icy Cold Death Touch 1–4 Jeruselem

QBC WORLD CUP 42 COVERAGE

"Hello all, I'm Beck Davidham, and after the Kelssek mess, the team had only 17 hours of turn-over to play in Quakmybush, and despite the jet-lag, the Pheonix edged Quakmybush to take a commanding lead in the group and now only need a win or a Rennidan loss or draw to clinch at worst a playoff berth, and witha win and a Quakmybush loss, would clinch an 8th straight World Cup Berth. But enough about the future, let's see today's action:"

Minute 49:
"After a scoreless first half, in which niether side has looked great, Quakmybush has the ball here for a corner kick and they send it in, and GOOOAL. 1-0 Sharks and Assistant Coach Francis DuMiont, who is in for the suspended Ryan Greenley, looks like he swallowed a lemon.

"Qazox was ragged after the Klessek match, the 6-hour flight and the early start, but a couple of fresh legs stepped in, and the tide began to turn..."

Minute 67:
"A double substitution here as Kallie Jaus and Renna Valladores are coming out and Charles Marquis and Jason Erca are coming in. Erca will take the throw-in from Cruz-Preli, sees Marquis and GOOOOAL. Charles Marquis, just 10 seconds after coming in has tied it up at 1-1!"


"The spark provided by Marquis' goal, re-energized Qazox and Quakmybush just couldn't keep up the intensity, as Qazox took the lead, just minutes later..."

Minute 74:
"Quakmybush has it, stolen by Spingler, and there's a 4-on-3 advantage! OVer to tarricone, to Erca, over to Marquis, and GOOOOOOOAL! Charles Marquis, has made it 2-1, with his 2nd goal of the night and Qazox seems to have stolen this one from the Sharks!"


"Now with the last of its tough part of schedule completed, Qazox is the seemignly favorite to win its last 3 matches. Can the Pheonix mantain focus and get the top spot, or will they allow weaker opposition to possibly upset them? The next match is against Kanji Starter at Lorax Field in Lorax City. There are still about 4500 seats still available. "


QAZOX Goals:
Valladores: 6
Jaus: 6 (1 PK)
Tarricone: 4
Cruz-Preli: 3 (1 PK)
de Olivares: 3
Spingler: 2
Marquis: 2
St. Louis: 1
Erca: 1
Christian: 1

Green Wombat Daily Tattler

Led by a hat-trick from Julius Rotherwell, Demot pushed Green wombat to the brink of elimination with a 4-1 victory. With only 3 games left, the Wombats trail Blouman Empire, who have 4 games left by 6 points, meaning even 3 consecutive wins to finish isn't a guarentee to qualify for a playoff berth.

SCORING:
Demot: Rotherwell- 28'
Demot: Rotherwell- 42'
Demot: Rotherwell- 48'
Demot: Flintus- 69'
GW: Ronald Wilcox- 90+1'

SCHEDULE:
MD1: vs. Ron Paulovia WIN 3-2
MD2: @ Valanora Draw 3-3
MD3: vs. Demot Lost 1-3
MD4: @ West Zirconia Draw 2-2
MD5: BYE
MD6: vs. Central Prestonia WIN 3-0
MD7: @ Blouman Empire Lose 1-3
BYE DATE
MD8: @ Ron Paulovia WIN 1-0
MD9: vs. Valanora Lost 1-5
MD10: @ Demot Lost 1-4
MD11: vs. West Zirconia
MD12: BYE
MD13: @ Central Prestonia
MD14: vs. Blouman Empire


RECORD: 3-2-4 4th place in group. (-6 points from playoff berth)
GOALS:
Utley: 5
Blessing: 4
Wilcox: 3
Henke: 2
Karp: 1

Hamburger Hill Herald

Dr. Mkembe came up with a great plan for the Greal match, bullet-proof masks for the Zombies. Though the threatening visages were hidden, the Greal plan to borrow Land de Wood's shotguns failed spectacturally, as 7 Greal players were taken to a local hospital with various gunshot wounds from ricochets. A 2-0 win sees the Zombies close in on at least a playoff berth, and with Bazalonia coming to town, the kickoff is scheduled for 12:00am local time, and all weapons are barred from the stadium. Both goals were scored by Triple Z, Zombie Zinedine Zidane, in the 56th and 85th minutes.

Schedule:
vs. Arroza WIN 3-0 (1-0-0 record)
@ Land de Wood WIN 3-0 (2-0-0 record)
vs. Greal WIN 2-0 (3-0-0 record)
@ Bazalonia Lose 1-3 (3-0-1 record)
vs. Nuevos Aires W 5-0 (4-0-1 record)
@ Bostopia Lose 0-5 (4-0-2 record)
BYE
@ Arroza DRAW 2-2 (4-1-2 record)
vs. Land de Wood DRAW 2-2 (4-2-2 record)
@ Greal WIN 2-0 (5-2-2 record)
vs. Bazalonia
@ Nuevos Aires
vs. Bostopia
BYE

Prux' Goals:
Zombie Pelé: 6
Zombie Zinedine Zidane (aka Triple Z): 4
Zombie Just Fontaine: 3
Dr. Mkembe: 2
Zombie Ronaldo: 2
Zombie Lothar Matthäus: 2
Zombie Diego Maradona: 1

---Ile de Nouveau Bostopie, somewhere---

Dear Log,

I’m not sure where I am, or even who I am anymore. All I remember is crashing a plane onto this bloke called Dr. Bostinston. I think that’s his name anyway, but for whatever reason he doesn’t seem to pleased with me. He keeps calling me a “red bastard” but I don’t think that’s fair. He’s not fair, he’s a bully. If he actually let me use some of his sunscreen I wouldn’t be so red and burnt! Anyway it appears whatever I did has pushed him over the edge. Or rather it’s caused him to push me over the edge. At least I figure that’s what has happened as I lay here in a slit-trench. I can sometimes hear him at the top of the trench. I tell him to let me out but he refuses to budge and says it’s for my own good. He also says I’m the President of Sorthern Northland so maybe he hates me because I have a Latin speaking pistachio nut as an advisor. Who knows? Well he does I guess, but he isn’t telling.

Anyways it seems the Hans are attacking us, what they’re doing here I do not know. Framing us for eating crickets probably! Fortunately though I have a great idea to beat them. It involves mangos, pineapples, kumquats and grapes. Oh and grenades. And then combined with all that we shall shout rude words at the attackers! The Hans won’t know what hit ‘em. Of course I can’t do much while I’m stuck in this trench so I’ll have to figure a way out.

I also wonder what I’m missing back home. The Tour de Qazox has started now, maybe the bloke with the girls name is winning that. And then of course there’s World Cup qualifying. Dr. Bosinston tells me that Sorthern Northland are currently top of our qualifying group. It’s a disgrace I tell you! If I were in charge at the SNFA I’d certainly be considering sacking him. Bostinston is a good manager, he somehow found a computer and is totally pwning the Sorthern league on Footballer Gaffer 1093 with Oblast Rangers. Maybe we should make him the manager of the national team. At least when he’s told to lose our qualifying games he’ll do it unlike Rodney Toulere. That man should learn that when we say we want to win the Cup of Harmony we mean that and not that we want to be playing at the World bloody Cup.

Anyway I think the Hans are attacking again so I must hastily depart from writing this, the fiends!

Young Pip looked at his results. He had gone back through the past few competitions and come up with some interesting conclusions. He had a think to himself.

“Let’s see...World Cup 41...the one that got away. Starblaydia won it. Right, fair enough. SLANI in the final, Valanora third, Kura-Pelland fourth.

“Starblaydia were ranked 22. So there were 21 better teams. Including Wentland. What happened to us? Knocked out. By SLANI. But I can’t find anything SLANI said. Just cruised through to the final. So both of the top two were in the semi-finals, with Starblaydia.

“How did they win it? They were away for AGES. Yet they come straight back in and go to the top. They should not have got out of the group stages. We bloody can’t, we’ve done it, what, once in the last five cups? Yet they’re short-cutted to the final.

“Who else with a low rank has reached the final? Bazalonia. That’s it, isn’t it? No-one else.

“And how were we knocked out in 41? By a team that had hardly bothered. But we shouldn’t have been PLAYING them! Bloody Sel Appa withdrawing. That got us into the mess with SLANI.

“But what about Starblaydia? This is weird. We have been entering and entering and entering and got nowhere. Starblaydia come back after years of absence and voom. They are FAST TRACKED to success. And where are they ranked? SIX! We have been around for, what, sixteen competitions? And no top ten?

“I don’t know about all this. There seems to be something seriously wrong here. I think we need more investigation...”

Pip was at least pacified by yet another win for Wentland. A streaky one goal triumph against the Yaforites. Qualification was looking to be nearly assured. But even that led him to think deeply.

“Sel Appa are top seeds and they are not going to qualify. Is that because they pulled out before? It’s as if the competition itself is against them. And who is the only team with a 100 per cent record? SLANI! And what have they done in this competition? NOTHING! We don’t even know their TEAM!!! They’re the top ranked team but it’s as if they don’t even bother to turn up, they are automatically given a win. What is going ON here? Why do certain teams never get success? The Holy Empire? Qazox? Yet others can just swan about and march straight into the final.”

Pip was getting very worked up. “This is an outrage! Something is very, very, VERY seriously wrong here! It’s just not right! No wonder nobody can be bothered...hmm...I think this needs some more serious investigation...”

THE ROCKET REPORT

TO GET BACK ON TRACK

East Ying- Following their 2-1 loss at the hands of Sorthern Northland, Newmanistan is now in a situation where if they are to qualify for the World Cup, they are going to need help from other teams, and absolutely cannot lose to teams like East Ying. They have done a good job with this so far in the Cup, and it’s why they still have a fighting chance. I (Clint Peterson) sat down with the coach, Brian Carson to discuss issues which concern the team.

CP: Good morning Brian, as always, nice to see you again.

BC: Yep, let’s get this started once again!

CP: We thought that Newmanistan would have to, at minimum, get one draw against Sorthern Northland in order to advance. This has not happened, can you overcome?

BC: It was important, yes. The thing here is that the Northerners are having an outstanding tournament. They got off to a fast start and they just haven’t taken their foot off the gas. This is why what’s been a decent campaign for us might not show in the standings. That said, we’ve dropped two in a row, and this cannot continue.

CP: We’ll get to that in a moment. Now it’s looking like Az-Cz is the team to beat, you got them on the schedule one more time, albeit on the road. This isn’t over yet.

BC: No one really feels that it is over, and even though going into Az-Cz and winning will be a challenge, we have enough fight in us to make it happen, I believe.

CP: East Ying has been a little pesky. They are next. It’s a road game. We know you guys have done a good job in games like this unlike past years, what’s the mood like?

BC: We’re hungry right now. We’ve lost our last two games as you know, and we recognize that our next two games should be very winnable. It is an opportunity for us to remain in this tight pack, and put as much heat on the leaders as possible, and maybe one of them will slip to us, and we’ll get it. But now, we’re hungry.

CP: Also hungry was East Ying’s Hang Zike-Tau when he bit Brett Prescott in an act of frustration in the first match. May we see some carryover from that?

BC: We got our payback there when Treichler blindsided him. I’m sure that Brett especially will taunt him again, but we need to remember that the ref will be looking for this kind of thing.

CP: Brett Prescott have more restraint, I didn’t think that could be possible!

BC: Haha, well Brett knows the importance of this, and like I said Treichs got a measure of payback for us already. He’s going to do what he usually does.

CP: There are some who want a Newmanistan blowout here. I guess they’re looking at goal differential. Given how testy games like this have been in the past, me and you and many other fans just want the team to win. But what about those who bring up the Rockets goal differential in comparison to the other teams in the group?

BC: Thinking like that is what forces you to make mistakes, when you are trying to score three goals at once, and then you end up losing those games or getting unexcusable draws. So we will not think like that, we need three points, and however we get there is fine with me.

CP: Will Sheldon Talcott return to the lineup or will you start Shawn Morton again?

BC: I’m glad you asked that, Clint. Eric (Andrews, assistant coach) and I have decided that Sheldon will return to the lineup but Morton will probably see considerable playing time in the second half as a sub. Perhaps look for a change around the 55 or 60 minute mark.

CP: Alright, we good luck against East Ying, and let’s get an important three points.

BC: Thanks Clint, hopefully all our great fans will be watching.

The Archregimancy Purification Handbook

Cleansing From Unfortunate 2-2 Draws Against Sel Appa

1 The Holy Synod proclaimed,

2 "These are the regulations for the squad at the time of his ceremonial cleansing, when they engage in score draws against Sel Appa:

3 The priest is to go outside the camp and examine the squad. If the squad has not been healed of their post-draw spiritual imperfection,

4 the priest shall order that two live clean turtles and some cedar wood, scarlet yarn and hyssop be brought for the one to be cleansed.

5 Then the priest shall order that one of the turtles be killed over fresh water in a clay pot.

6 He is then to take the live turtle and dip it, together with the cedar wood, the scarlet yarn and the hyssop, into the blood of the turtle that was killed over the fresh water.

7 Seven times he shall sprinkle the ones to be cleansed of the post-draw spiritual imperfection and pronounce them clean. Then he is to release the live turtle onto the match pitch.

8 The persons to be cleansed must wash their clothes, shave off all their hair and bathe with water; then they will be ceremonially clean. After this they may come into the camp, but they must not train with the rest of the squad for seven days.

9 On the seventh day they must shave off all his hair; they must shave his head, their beard, their eyebrows and the rest of their hair. They must wash their clothes and bathe themselves with water, and they will be clean.

10 On the eighth day they must bring two male turtles and one baby turtle a year old, each without defect, along with three-tenths of an ephah of fine flour mixed with oil for a grain offering, and one log of oil.

11 The priest who pronounces him clean shall present both the one to be cleansed and his offerings before the LORD at the entrance to the squad's training ground.

12 Then the priest is to take one of the male turtles and offer it as a guilt offering, along with the log of oil; he shall wave them before the LORD as a wave offering.

13 He is to slaughter the turtle along the sidelines where the sin offering and the burnt offering are slaughtered. Like the sin offering, the guilt offering belongs to the priest; it is most holy.

14 The priest is to take some of the blood of the guilt offering and put it on the lobe of the right ear of the ones to be cleansed, on the thumb of their right hands and on the big toe of their right feet.

15 The priest shall then take some of the log of oil, pour it in the palm of his own left hand,

16 dip his right forefinger into the oil in his palm, and with his finger sprinkle some of it before the LORD seven times.

17 The priest is to put some of the oil remaining in his palm on the lobe of the right ear of the ones to be cleansed, on the thumb of their right hands and on the big toe of their right feet, on top of the blood of the guilt offering.

18 The rest of the oil in his palm the priest shall put on the head of the ones to be cleansed and make atonement for them before the LORD.

19 Then the priest is to sacrifice the sin offering and make atonement for the ones to be cleansed for their failure to defeat Sel Appa. After that, the priest shall slaughter the burnt offering

20 and offer it on the altar, together with the grain offering, and make atonement for them, and they will be clean.

21 These are the regulations for the squad should they engage in a score draw against Sel Appa. They should consider themselves lucky they didn't lose, for the penance for a loss against the Sel Appans is harder still.

MEMORANDUM

TO: The Second Senior Undersecretary for Alternate Realities
FROM: Alternate Reality Monitoring, State Bureau for Imperial Security
RE: Certain Recent Statements of Count Han Seungsu (韓昇洙伯)
LOCATION OF INCIDENT: Nationstates World Cup Reality Intersect

Sir,

Your Honour's attention is drawn to recent statements from the an official of the 'Han Empire', as currently involved in the 42nd edition of the Nationstates World Cup - a minor nation from an obscure 'ordinary' reality, to be sure, but one that shows the need to hide the existence of the infinite nature of alternate realities, as accessible from the Dreamed Realm, from lesser civilisations.


Count Han Seungsu (韓昇洙伯 in his own script) has categorically denied statements issuing from the nation of Jeruselem (an even more obscure nation, Your Honour, chiefly known for cloning unattractive porn stars) stating that the 'Great Wall of China' was built by one Emperor Nasi Goreng to keep the rabbits out.

While the Great Wall exists in a majority of realities that sustain human life, and it is true that no such Emperor exists in either the realities of the Han Empire or Jeruselem, I draw your attention to reality CV2145.6-8q. In this reality, an individual known as Nasi Goreng did briefly unite and rule the area usually known as China, and then built a large wall to keep out a group of carnivorous sentient rabbits bent on enslaving the human populations to the south of the wall. A tasty rice dish named after this 'Nasi Goreng' later became popular with the sub-human workers of the Aztec sun sacrifice breeding colonies in western Eurasia; these workers apparently believed that the now-legendary Nasi Goreng would one day return from the dead to liberate them from their obsidian blade-wielding oppressors.

I tell this to your honour to remind you of the need to keep this type of information from the different realities that intersect within the increasingly trans-dimensional World Cup. Bad enough that Atlantian Oceania intersects with some of the other participating realities....

Can you imagine, for example, the impact on morale in the World Cup's Han Empire if they were to find out about reality RL2008.8-30.b? I remind you that in the latter reality, a group of giant inter-dimensional lizards carry out their trans-dimensional inter-species war by manipulating and inter-breeding with human beings, whose history they have distorted for millenia. In this reality, the 'Koreans' - a sort of small, ethnically-distinct and geographically-isolated version of the Han Empire - are kept divided on a small peninsula by the different warring lizard species, the north ruled by a paranoid half-lizard called Kim Jong-Il, who constantly threatens a south ruled by a series of capitalistic human lizard puppets who nightly feed on the flesh of their unsuspecting subjects. The most powerful nation in this reality is even more frightening. It is called 'the United States of America', and is ruled by a brain dead marionette called 'George W. Bush' whose main organs were consumed by the lizards some 20 years previously, and whose dried-out husk is controlled by powerful telekinetic lizard brain waves. The ruling lizard faction in this nation now seeks to replace this husk with one of their own, an impotent and infertile lizard masquerading in human form and known as 'John McCain', whose lizard queen - a so-called 'Sarah Palin' - has been breeding with an indigenous northern human in the hope that his primitive blood line will provide purer half breeds that can be used to enslave ordinary humans under their heartless lizard king rule. They have succeeded with four out of their five cannibalistic young, though the fifth is.... better leave than unsaid. I shudder to think what will happen to reality RL2008.8-30.b should this unholy pair gain control over the other, marginally prefereably inter-dimensional lizard faction.

All of which I bring up only to remind your honour that it's a dangerous place out there in all of those realities, and we have to keep this sort of knowledge from lesser powers such as the Han and Jeruselem.

Yours,

Theodore Comneno

"...and there's the final whistle. It's a disappointing debut for the new head coach here at Highland, as he manages only a 2-2 draw with Dettune State."

POP!

Champagne flowed out of the bottle onto the table in Going Illokel's dining room.

"Great day to be a Northern Darnai fan, eh?"

It certainly seemed to be. The defending Northeast Conference champions had cruised to a 3-1 victory. Hated rival Rascenass dropped a game 2-1 at home against Chezlot. The also-disliked Flaarickug also got upset 2-1 by Healfat, and the former Northern Darnai head coach, often described with the simple word "traitorous", couldn't get the win with his new school, Highland.

Of course, with this being mid-September, none of these games actually counted. In Vephrall the college football season runs from February through May. Somebody had managed to successfully petition the CSA to allow a couple of fall friendlies, though. For many teams, this would be the only opportunity all year to face out-of-conference opposition, sometimes with disappointing results.

This time around, the CSA conveniently scheduled the day of friendlies to coincide with a bye for the national team. Unfortunately, World Cup qualifying group 12 didn't provide upsets like these. Jeru FC's win over KaMaRi was arguably helpful, though.

Starblaydia probably wouldn't be caught now, not with a seven-point lead, even though the White and Gold did have a game in hand. It would now be a matter of holding off the aforementioned Jeru FC and KaMaRi to maintain second place. KaMaRi wouldn't be that big a deal; their second-half bye was yet to come, so that two-point difference might as well be five. The army boys (and girls, which still left many Vephrallers shaking their heads) might be a bit more of an issue, though.

But the time to worry was later. Cauci up next, then Glaycia. Six points from those two matches would probably eliminate the need for any such worrying.

Zwangzug's e-Lipogram
Not having a match in hand is unhappy

Zwangzug's national football squad won 3-2 against a squad from Orixas' land. Its opposition took an hour or so to fight back: Zwangzug was up 3-0 following two goals from Rohit Sharma and a Muus Jurin blast. But an hour in, visitor Iluminado got into that match for Pinguinha, who couldn't play up to his full ability. Playing away was hard for both Pinguinha and Bicho Grilo, who couldn't do normal rituals in Zwangzug.

So Iluminado got to play, put up his hands, and his visiting squad abruptly got two goals, through him and Guaxinim (off a pass from Tramóia-both put pundits in mind of Az-cz). It was Iluminado, though, who put fans in mind of a KaMaRi star-couldn't win, but almost...

Zwangzug is still third in group 7 with 5 wins, and will play Aroras (in 2nd with 6, both having as many points as opposition) in its forthcoming match in Gabalfa. A win would put Zwangzug into 2nd, but Zwangzug won't play as much following that, so it'll probably go to playoffs.

*Somewhere undisclosed in Ourseville, but we believe it's actually in a Bouff'tout restaurant*

Guy #1: We have found report of a Bostopian claim to one of the Mille-quatre-vingts-treize îles. According to one of our spies on that island, there are two guys speaking a language they call err.. "Âneglishe" (OOC: yes, that's about how French speaking people pronounce English :P). One of them is a doctor, the other is simply idiotic, although he seems to like alcohol.

Guy #2: Have they found a name for that island?

Guy #1: Yes: The doctor named it Île de la Nouvelle-Bostopie. Now, whether they are waiting for immigrants to come on that island and found Fort Boston Deux, it's a matter of time...

Guy #3: So what should we do?

Guy #1: I propose we ask the president. I'm a simple minister, see?

*Later, in another undisclosed place we believe is the Presidential suite*

Guy #1: President, I've got something to report to you.

President: Go ahead, Minister of disinformation

Guy #1: Well... we have found aliens on one of the 1093 islands...

President Alain Lemay: Aliens? Are you serious? Don't you think it might be people from that Sirius D planet that belongs to the mighty capitalizts?

Guy #1: I don't know... they're both speaking that "Âneglishe" language. One of the characters is a Doctor, the other is an idiot who likes alcohol... Look, here are pics...

President Alain Lemay: Hmm... they look like two head of states I know quite well... One of them looks like the Bostopian leader and the other looks like someone I met while on a diplomatic meeting in Sorthern Northland...

Guy #1: You seriously think there could be head of states on our national land?

President Alain Lemay: Considering how annoying is Emperor Boston, I wouldn't be surprised if that Doctor is him. And that Sorthern Northlander... well, he's really an Irish haha. I suggest we bring them a soccer ball. Both of them should like the sport.

Guy #1: Alright then... we do that now?

President Alain Lemay: No... let's say in a week... NO! It's now, dammit!

*In another very secret place, but we believe it's in an airplane. We'll have to investigate on that government's secrecy one day...*

Guy #4: We're approaching that island.

President Alain Lemay: Alright... open the door then... I'm going to drop that ball

Guy #5: Alright *opens the door* Done, Mr. President.

President Alain Lemay: *gets close to the door, trips on a pistachio nut and falls off the plane*

Guy #5: Luckily, he had a parachute... But he forgot the ball... *throws the ball*

President Alain Lemay: MAUDITE NOIX! ARRRRGGGHHHHHHH!!! Ah! Here's the ball *Catches the ball and opens the parachute*

*Five minutes later, after landing on Île de Nouvelle-Bostopie err... Île numéro 984*

Alain Lemay: BOSTON? RANDOM IRISHMAN? Where are you?

In her Royal Office, Empress Jessica is stirring about. There has to be something, anything, that she can do to help get this team over the edge. The Rockets, at the present time are on the outside looking in, and would be headed to the Cup of Harmony once again based on the current trend. Why is it, after all, that the senior team of the world’s football can not quite find the level of success that the team has in other sports. She has called upon Prince Michael, her brother and the head coach of the lacrosse team that won the world championship for advice on what the team needs.

Empress: Our next two games are against East Ying and Kansiov, whom we should be able to beat. Obviously we expect Brian Carson and the team to get six points in the next two. No two. No four, and certainly not zero.

Prince: He’s done a good job in these games this year, in the first leg. But it was in the return leg four years ago where we really choked in this type of game.

Empress: If we don’t get the six points, do we put any more heat on Carson, or does he look good to be back in four years, what would you do?

Prince: He’s come back re-energized, I wouldn’t put any more heat on him for World Cup 43.

Empress: That’s what I was thinking, but this is important right now. We were 4-0-2 heading into the return leg and we’ve dropped our first two.

Prince: Close games against good teams though.

Empress: Yeah, you see I know that, but that’s the difference between us and the other teams. We get close games against them, other teams force draws. Something is missing. What in the world is missing?

Prince: We could field zombies, or some robotic animal that hasn’t been thought of yet. Or maybe dinosaurs or something? Then again, men of the Lord seem to have success.

Empress: I’m not going to do that, we have professional athletes who work and train as hard as anyone and to do something like that would be very disrespectful. Surely, there has got to be a better way. We can’t keep rolling out the tax cut promise.

Prince: The more you do that the less inspiring it becomes.

Empress: What did you guys do in lacrosse that you felt really put you over the top? The problem here is that our fans are getting less excited with the world football team as they haven’t had as much success as the other teams. Eventually we’re going to have home games that don’t sell out if we don’t start qualifying.

Prince: Well the competition was much smaller, we won it on our skill. Maybe we’re just not as skilled in this game. Let’s face it, it may have been the first competition we went interregional in, but our specialties have always been in other sports. We should just keep being patient with them.

Empress: I’m trying to be but it’s the people I’m worried about. You’re getting more people in the streets now talking about the upcoming International Basketball Championships and World Bowl III or even a forthcoming World Cup of Hockey soon maybe then they are about the World Cup, isn’t the concerning?

Prince: Not terribly. The IBC and the World Bowl are fantastic competitions.

Empress: But the World Cup is the ultimate prize.

Prince: One day, it’ll be ours. How about the Incredible Fasting Fathers?

Empress: The what?!

Prince: The Incred.... ok yeah that’s stupid. Let’s just be a normal football playing nation.

Empress: Alright.

World Cup Qualification - Group 5
MD1: vs Gerainia (3-1) (@ Gwangdong Imperial Sports Complex and Stadium, Gwangju)
MD2: @ Ad'ihan (1-2) (@ Protectorate Stadium, Ad'ihan)
MD3: vs Universitus University (3-1) (@ King Kim Iljei Memorial Football Stadium, Malnira)
MD4: @ kenavt (4-1) (@ Granderson Stadium)
MD5: vs Lingdinis Insania (3-0) (@ Sanhaemun Football Stadium, Jinhwangdo)
M6: @ Kura-Pelland (0-3)
MD7: -bye-
MQ: vs Taeshan (1-0) (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD8: @ Gerainia (2-0)
MD9: vs Ad'ihan (1-1) (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD10: @ Universitus University (1-0)
MD11: vs kenavt (@ Goguryeo Football Stadium, Hanseong)
MD12: @ Lingdinis Insania
MD13: vs Kura-Pelland (@ Cha Beomgeun Memorial Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD14: -bye-
PQ: TBD


MBC Presents...
I Love My Wife!
아내를 사랑해요

Episode 6

Jang Manchun
Oh Yeongsuk
Jang Hanseok
Jang Nayeong
Jang Taemin
Choi Dongil
Yi Minsuk
Yi Gyuseong

*cue intro music*

Oh Yeongsuk: Oh my aching back... but we've got to have dinner tonight. We can't miss dinner.

Jang Manchun: Honey, I'm home!

Oh Yeongsuk: Oh, you're home early! Are you skipping out at work?

Jang Manchun: No. It's an early day, before the weekend. And thankfully Hanseok has finally gone back to school. Where's Taemin?

Oh Yeongsuk: Minsuk came by and volunteered to watch over him. I wasn't feeling too well today.

Jang Manchun: Feeling too well? What do you mean?

Oh Yeongsuk: It's nothing really. I just need a break.

Jang Manchun: *notes how furiously Yeongsuk is making dinner* If you need a break, why don't I make dinner then?

Oh Yeongsuk: *stops and stares at him* You? Cook? No. *continues*

Jang Manchun: Why not? It's early enough.

Oh Yeongsuk: Well, the last time you cooked, you nearly burned down the house.

Jang Manchun: And I'm telling you the directions said 300 degrees!

Oh Yeongsuk: Fahrenheit!

Jang Manchun: *nods* It was an honest mistake.

Oh Yeongsuk: Not to mention you wasted a whole piece of roast chicken.

Jang Manchun: And who uses Fahrenheit anymore anyway?

Oh Yeongsuk: They were foreign pieces of chicken!

Jang Manchun: Who eats foreign chicken?

Oh Yeongsuk: It's cheap!

Jang Manchun: *unable to defy her* Honey, just sit down and let me cook.

Oh Yeongsuk: I'm not going to let you defile my kitchen! *pulls out knife*

Jang Manchun: *backs away* Okay, you make the dinner. I'll go change. *leaves*

Oh Yeongsuk: Okay, so add the ginger. Chop finely and mince into thin slivers before adding to mix. Chop onions finely. Add all spice. And ginseng... that's a lot of cutting. *pulls out blender and blends it all - dips her finger into the mix* Just like home cooking! *adds into mix* So stir until mixture is ... homogenized? I've seen that word before. *pulls out dictionary* Oh, why don't they just say "it all looks about the same"? Goodness, not every person has a dictionary at hand! These people are getting more and more spoiled every day. Okay, add diced pork to mix, let sit for 30 minutes. That's easy enough.

Jang Nayeong: Something smells good.

Oh Yeongsuk: It's not ready yet.

Jang Nayeong: Did you get a new body spray?

Oh Yeongsuk: No. But Minsuk offered me a bottle of some crap.

Jang Nayeong: Oh, it's the Hana Misun, number 1093! I've always wanted to get some! Can I have it?

Oh Yeongsuk: You? Why do you need it?

Jang Nayeong: Well, it's not like you're going to try to woo some young man to get you.

Oh Yeongsuk: *slaps a spatula* I don't need a man to get what I need. You can't have any of it!

Jang Nayeong: So you're just going to let a bunch of money rot because you're not going to let me have it?

Oh Yeongsuk: I've giving it back to Minsuk. I don't need it and neither do you.

Jang Nayeong: But mom!

Oh Yeongsuk: No buts! I don't need a daughter who thinks she's pretty just because of some perfume.

Yi Minsuk: *bringing in Jang Taemin* Oni, I think Taemin needs a diaper change.

Oh Yeongsuk: It's okay. We'll take care of it. But could you take the perfume? I don't really need it.

Jang Nayeong: Mom!

Yi Minsuk: Didn't you want something like this?

Oh Yeongsuk: I was thinking about make-up, not perfume. But it's okay. I'll get it myself. Are you going to stay for dinner?

Yi Minsuk: Oh no. My husband's taking me out tonight. Surprise, I think.

Oh Yeongsuk: Well, have fun.

Yi Minsuk: Why can't Nayeong have it?

Oh Yeongsuk: She doesn't need it either.

Jang Nayeong: Mom!

Yi Minsuk: Oh, don't be silly. A lot of girls like this stuff. Besides, I think you'll like it too.

Jang Nayeong: Well, if she's going to take it, I will.

Oh Yeongsuk: *suddenly light-headed* Aygu... *falls to the floor*

Jang Nayeong: *screams* Mom!

Yi Minsuk: *surprised* Oni? What's wrong?

Jang Manchun: *rushes into the room* What's with all of the screaming?

Jang Taemin: *crying*

Jang Manchun: Did the baby poop?

Yi Minsuk: Mr. Jang, your wife just fell down!

Jang Manchun: From what?

Yi Minsuk: I don't know.

"This va Drake, he's really a special talent isn't he? Why did his home club ever give him up to Green Island?"

The wrinkled face of Ruthen Marntil chuckled as his nephew questioned him after watching the latest round of success for the Navy, Green, and Black. The Marauders had already sealed at least a spot in the playoff rounds, and most likely a trip through to the Cup Proper. Once again, the day was won through the powerful elven midfield, with the silky play of Espy va Drake on the left wing being the highlight of the triumph.

"He is a very special kind of player, the kind that can become one of the best individual performers ever. Yet for that promise he showed, he hadn't been able to ever get any sort of chemistry with his Premiership side, and was forced mostly to be a sub. In Green Island, nothing was expected of him, and he was allowed room to grow as a player, and devoloped some chemistry with the Zapata men. I think that injury he had late in his first season there was the key turning point, as he was forced to work extra hard to rehabiltate, leading him to staying longer and building up those relationships that made his job as a provider easier."

"I still don't understand how soo much of our bench players here in Valanora can get transfered away to some far away land, and in a few seasons they are suddenly starting on the national team. Our domestic league is supposedly one of the better ones in the world, we're the number one team in the world, and yet it seems as if our players excell when they leave our shores."

"Well Drani, sometimes appearances are misleading. You think of the best three players for the national team, and most would say that it is Night, Hawk, and Soldarain or va Drake. While all of them ply their trade in another league, you have to remember that they all got their start here in the Premiership. Hawk himself brought Hondo from the Green League into the Premiership and made them a power before he departed. Night won a title with Rinaldi, and Soldarian notched a few with the Rockers. While most of our national team does have their league duties in other countries, for many of them it is simply for some expierence outside of the ESF. Remember how long lived we are, and then consider the choices that these players make."

Conceding the arguement, the young elf looked outside the window to the beautiful sunset. This is why he like Damansci, it was still a small little community without the hustle of cities like Rinaldi and Valanari, while still providing the citizens with everything the needed. A peaceful day it had been and the sky was turning that beautiful orange and pink mix that happened as the sun made another day come to an end, as the navy-black of night began to creep over the horizon. It was just as the youngster was about to head to his room, a shimmer caught his eyes. As he peered out the window, hoping to catch a second glance, it happened again just a little further west in the sky than where he first saw it.

"Uncle, Uncle! Come here quick, something is happening with the sky!"

As the older elf pulled himself out of his study and moved beside his nephew, the shimmer happened once more, still further west of the first occurence.

"What in Elune's good name is that!?!"

xen'han, xen'mesu, xen'sono!

This is not quite what Cesar said, but it sure fit the performance of the newly transnationalized team. In case your rejistanian is not good enough: we came, we saw, we lost. Even though the KaMaRian team did not exactly lose against Glaycia but only drew karelanly. Against Jeru FC, the team not only lacked everything resembling good luck, they also had bad luck to make up for this. The team failed rather spectacularly at anything vaguely resembling attack. The defense at least prevented too many goals against, but maybe everything that can be said about the match was that a Karela Lines player was the only attacker.

Journal of Toni Flintus, August 3rd, 1909

Well it has been a very exciting and excellent past few months for me. Moving up from the reserves for the national team, to a part of the starting eleven, has been a dream come true. Getting to play with a player like Rotherwell has done wonders for my game, and it seems for once that the team is not going to have the struggles that have so often plauged us in qualifying. I know the true test of any side if how they do in the group stage once they qualify, but from what I have seen us achieve thus far, I have to admit that it has me very excited for things to come. Also moving to the Yaforite league has proven a smart move, as I get to see international competitions now with my new side, and perhaps bring home some championships along the way.

It seems strange that just two years ago I was a fringe player, someone brought along to get expierence. I remember all those reporters and analysts writing things like "The lad has potential, but it might serve the Dynamo better to bring a proven product." and shaking my head in disbelief. I knew what I was capable of, and so did Floorin, despite his sacking, so why where these people doubting me, and Floorin by extension? Now here I am, paired up with two wonderful strike partners, and helping lead the side to one of its best qualifying records in recent times. I wonder what that Rich Baker is writing about me now, hah!

Then I suppose it is just another lesson to not heed the words of others too much. That is not to say that advice and criticism is not welcomed and needed, but when it is needlessly given, then perhaps it is best to toss it aside. You can only be as good as you believe yourself capable dad always said, and he is completely right. If you think that you are only a certain level player, then you will never become more than that. Yet, if you don't set such limits, and you keep yourself optmistic, shrugging off all the negatives that will be thrown at you, the impossible is indeed possible. That I know is true, for I am living it now, if only for the moment.

The Triumph Stag nosed into the WZFA car park and came to a stop, wheels on the white lines as usual. Damon Clarke was in no mood to comment on his own parking abilities, though - he was in high spirits after a recent trip to Candelaria And Marquez. Still, all good things come to an end, and today saw him back at the office.

His enthusiasm evaporated as soon as he walked into the reception and saw the scowling face of Geoff Young, and even more so when the latter spoke.

"At last you've bothered to turn up! Where've you been - swanning off on your jollies while our team's getting humiliated?"

"IF you really must know, I was part of a delegation representing our nation, to celebrate the 20th anniversary of the twinning between Moorcroft and Arrigo."

"Arrigo? Where the hell's that, when it's at home?"

"Really, Geoff - don't you know anything? It's in Candelaria And Marquez."

Of course, being a Houghton man, Geoff would never have known about Moorcroft's twinning arrangements. Mind you, he would also have been hard-pressed to name any of Houghton's twin towns.

Damon continued: "They'd arranged a match between Moorcroft City and Arrigo Portuguese to demonstrate the footballing heritage of both cities."

"What was the score, then?"

"Not only that, but there were a load of other groups that travelled - choirs, orchestras, dance groups, you know the sort of thing."

"Yes, but what was the score?"

"This sort of co-operation between different cities in different countries is the way forward, you know - much better than all this mistrust and suspicion."

"Yes, but what was the score?"

"You'll have to see if you can arrange something for the Kestrels - after all, I'm sure Houghton's got a twin town over there."

"For crying out loud, WHAT WAS THE SCORE?!?"

"Ok, Geoff - no need to shout. You want to know the score?"

"Some time today."

Damon hesitated. "All right, if you really want to know."

"Of course I do - I wouldn't have asked otherwise."

Damon's voice dropped. "OK, then - we lost 8-1. Even our one goal was scored by one of their players."

World Cup Qualification - Group 5
MD1: vs Gerainia (3-1) (@ Gwangdong Imperial Sports Complex and Stadium, Gwangju)
MD2: @ Ad'ihan (1-2) (@ Protectorate Stadium, Ad'ihan)
MD3: vs Universitus University (3-1) (@ King Kim Iljei Memorial Football Stadium, Malnira)
MD4: @ kenavt (4-1) (@ Granderson Stadium)
MD5: vs Lingdinis Insania (3-0) (@ Sanhaemun Football Stadium, Jinhwangdo)
M6: @ Kura-Pelland (0-3)
MD7: -bye-
MQ: vs Taeshan (1-0) (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD8: @ Gerainia (2-0)
MD9: vs Ad'ihan (1-1) (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD10: @ Universitus University (1-0)
MD11: vs kenavt (@ Goguryeo Football Stadium, Hanseong)
MD12: @ Lingdinis Insania
MD13: vs Kura-Pelland (@ Cha Beomgeun Memorial Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD14: -bye-
PQ: TBD


The buzzers were flying all over the place. Literally. The sirens were buzzing at the same those levitating buzzers were floating and causing a lot of panic. Commodore Yi had to regain control after forcing the floating buzzers back into their places. "I have no clue why we got these alarms..."

"To wake the crew in the event a surprise attack."

"Ah, yes. And was there a surprise attack?"

"Well, we're in the midst of an unidentified sortie from a foreign place."

Commodore Yi quickly returned to the bridge where the radios were on full activity. The guns were aimed at the sky. "How many planes?"

"One, sir."

"One?"

"Just one, sir."

"Who the hell do they think they are to send just one %$#^ plane at us?"

"We don't even think it's a combat model." Commodore Yi turned to the adjutant. "It looks to be a transport."

"Okay. A transport plane. A commercial flight going low?"

"The plane looks like it's going to land. And there's no where to land anywhere within 1093 kilometers. We tried to decipher the codes, but they're of course French."

"French?"

"We can't tell exactly what they're saying, but the tag line seems to utter a repeating code - 'Don't attack - we surrender' continuously. It seems that the code has the intent of driving invading armies insane and deter any thought of invading their country."

"It's a pity that we're already here."

Suddenly, a radar operator shouted. "BOOGY, INCOMING!" Seconds later, he shouted again. "TWO BOOGIES! WE'RE UNDER ATTACK!"

Commodore Yi didn't seem to happy. "Says they who utter surrender code?" He spoke out into a communication link. "Send out a squadron of JTG-4 fighters! Attack and destroy the attacker!" Within minutes, the place was alive, and planes were flying in the air. Unfortunately, they continued to wait for an imminent attack. "Where the %$#^ are these %$#^ boogies?"

"Sir, it seems that the boogies were gravity driven."

"So we weren't the target?"

"The island, sir."

"So the planes bombed the island?"

"Well, I don't they dropped any weapons..."

"%$#^, so we sent our fighters to destroy a transport plane that wasn't attacking us? What the %$#^ were they doing out in the middle of no where?"

"We've managed to contact the plane, and they're being taxied to our vessel. It seems that they're members of a foreign government that dropped what was apparently a football and I think their Emperor... I can't quite get the translation..."

"They dropped their Emperor on the island?" Commodore Yi was extremely confused at this point. "Are the Marines still on stand-by?"

"They're ready for launch."

Things were not going according to plan. What was once a rescue operation had now degenerated into a strange melee against which Commodore Yi had no clue for what he was fighting. The Mujeongbu? This was too crazy for even the Mujeongbu, who have no Emperor. "Send a communication to Hangyeong - we've encountered strange hostiles, but suffered no damages. We are landing a force on the island to determine the extent of... whatever. We currently await orders on what to do with potential innocents on island."

With that, Commodore Yi turned to his adjutant, leaving another lower officer to patch the message to the Emperor. "Tell Colonel Pak to send his Marines."

(ooc @ Sept: if you don't agree that your plane would have surrendered as easily to my fighters, which were stationed on a carrier posted not far from the said island as of MD5, I'll edit that part out)

=== Hangyeong ===

The Emperor did not like what he was reading at all. "So we're landing a force on this island, even as the Academy (of Foreign Affairs) has not absolutely cleared the territory as terra incognita?"

"Well, there was a strange attack upon the task force." Chief Warrant Officer Yun tried to explain it as sensibly as possible. "Commodore Yi says that they were attacked by an unidentified aircraft. The attack was unusual - the attacking plane was unprotected and dropped two unguided projectiles over the island. It might have been a bomb, but there were no explosions reported..."

"Wait - terra incognita? Don't some countries use terra incognita islands as nuclear weapons test sites?"

Both Yun and the Emperor stared odd-eyed at each other.

=== The Island ===

A battalion of Imperial Marines were boarded upon 5 DHGT-97 auxiliary transport craft - the only 5 craft in the task force. It was convenient for them that they could fit an entire battalion on the vessels; otherwise, they would have need multiple journeys to land the whole force. Regiment commanders didn't normally accompany their units, but Colonel Pak felt that it was necessary to calm his soldiers as he joined them in the landing. It had been some time since the Han had used force overseas, and the presence of a superior officer would have been comfort. Of course, if that one officer was killed, then it would have been Hell trying to bolster their morale after that.

"Marines! When we reach the shore, secure the tree line and the beach head! No resistance is expected, but don't expect not to be greeted by enemy fire. The enemy may lurk behind the dark cover, so have your weapon at the ready. And whatever you do! Have no fear! Advance!"

At that moment, the cage door opened and deployed the forward shield, allowing the first 200 soldiers to step upon the beach. The transport vessels had their weapons aimed at the trees while the Marines swept the beach along the north east corridor of the island. Colonel Pak swept with the advance unit, confident in his ability to lead his troops to victory - if victory was to be had. After about 15 minutes of unloading, 1000 nervous but excited Marines were on the island. With the first phase completed, Colonel Pak grouped with his commanders.

"Where's the enemy, sir?" a company commander asked.

"Well, they're off to the west. We'll be heading that direction. But I want Gold Company to head east and sweep the beach, while Fire Company will follow them along the tree line. Water Company will come with us and Wood Company will stay behind and secure the LZ. All commanders have their orders?"

"Yes, sir," they all barked in return. Before they could execute, a few sparse incidents of gunfire rang out. "What's going on?" Colonel Pak asked.

"We're under attack!"

"From what?"

"I don't know, but whatever it was threw a bunch of pineapples at us."

"Pineapples?

Dear Mum

Things are hotting up. We still have a chance to make the play-off but I don't we can think make the top 2. The team are trying hard but we still face some big games ahead. Vephrall for example.

I've been reading a book written by Dazza Dallas. It's about how to pick up guys. I must say, she know all the tricks. She even has tips for people who aren't good looking, like me. I'm not very good yet, I only seem to get the drunks but I'm working on it. One day, I'll get myself a real man like that hot Flak Sho fella.

Anyway, the coach says I'm getting better at this football business. He still thinks I don't concentrate 100% all game so I need to work on that. He also thinks my big boobies are unbalanced hence I keep on falling over. Of course, the ones of right size are the ones like them Dallas girls. I should do more more weights to be stronger so I can keep me boobies up.

I got a new nickname - "Rabbit". Mainly because my front two teeth are a bit big and I'm not exactly tall either. Might also be because I eat so much salad. That's it from me, I must get to training before the coach shouts at me again. I dunno, he likes shouting at me. Not sure, it's a good or bad thing.

Love Rogue
XXX

inside the Control Room

Wang: *coming from the bathroom* What's going on right now?

Hwang: The rabbits are winning the war. But some idiot named Nasi Goreng discovered that frying the rabbit flesh with rice tasted really good. So the humans began to fight back making some stupid rice dish named after this guy. It just happened two seconds ago, literally.

Wang: Damn. Thank goodness that's not our reality.

Hwang: On another note, the singing beans of Candelaria And Marquez abducted another journalist.

Wang: That's in our reality?

Hwang: Yeah.

Wang: When will those %$#^ beans go away?

Hwang: It's kinda hard now. There are some suggestions that the two populations might interbreed.

Wang: *stares awkwardly at Hwang* Interbreed. As in how? A bean is ... well, a bean! How do you have sex with a bean? For that matter, how does a bean have sex with a human?

Hwang: I don't know. I just read the news, I don't make it. Anyway, the point is that the beans are here to stay. They've already shaped a large portion of C&M politics, forming the country's largest minority outside of the Marquezians.

Wang: But isn't anyone annoyed by their perpetual singing?

Hwang: They made an opera out of it, you know. Some bean - I think Flaterick von Buttooten was his name - anyway, he wrote the opera. Pretty catchy tunes too. "The wheels on the bike go round and round..."

Wang: Argh! Don't sing it! *runs away*

Hwang: Fine. *starts humming tune*

Somewhere in Qazox ...

Dazza Dallas fiddling around with a ring when she suddenly flew through a crack on time/space into another reality. Being the Earthly incarnation of Egyptian Goddess ISIS, Dazza had a lot of powers which she was quite unaware of.

Instead of standing in the Jeruselem Embassy in Ariddia, she was standing on a huge Chinese wall. Dazza cursed "Not again. Must have gone into another stupid reality!". She looked around and one side were grazing a lot of big rabbits, some with large teeth. Some guards ran towards her, not knowing who she was.

They pointed spears at her and shouted in some Asian language. Knowing Greek, Canaanite, Roman, Egyptian, Latin, Hebrew and French didn't help much here. She drew an image of Kwan Yin and showed it to the guards. They looked confused as she didn't quite look like the Chinese Goddess of Fertility at all.

They shouted more Chinese and decided she was an intruder. Having no choice, she used her force powers to throw the spears out of their hands. The guards ran off after seeing the Gods had landed on the Great Wall. It was rather cold and she sheltered in one of the towers. The food there was warm but rather basic. There wasn't much to live on and the facilities where rather basic too.

She had some rabbit stew and decided to home. She travelled through a wormhole back to her own place.

Dazza: Hello Finn, sorry - I went tripping
Finn: We'd you go this time?
Dazza: Some place called China
Finn: Any good?

Dazza: Got stuck in some God forsaken wall in the middle of nowhere
Finn: Oh, so why did you see?
Dazza: Lots of huge rabbits. Big ones with big teeth.
Finn: Sounds rather unpleasant.

Dazza: Well, the wall isn't a nice place to live. It's cold and nothing to eat except for rabbits.
Finn: Oh well, thank God you're home. It's dinner time.
Dazza: What's for dinner?
Finn: You wouldn't believe me ...

Dazza: Rabbit?
Finn: Yes
Dazza: As long as it's not boiled.
Finn: Braised

Dazza: Any sauce?
Finn: Yes
Dazza: Where do these come from?
Finn: Err, dried rabbit meat from the Han.

Dazza: Oh well, its not every day one eats rabbits.

Land de Wood 3–1 Arroza

This was a must win game for Land de Wood, while Arroza were ranked above them, they had not been performing and if Land de Wood wanted any chance of getting to the playoffs this was a game they had to win, so did they?

Yep, they sure did. Goals from Richard Higgins, Tom Darkless and substitute Ray Horse gave them a good 3-1 victory after they let in a late consolation goal.

Other results meant the Woodpeckers could no longer qualify automatically but the dream for the playoffs was still alive though a bit less bright after Greal's attempts to borrow Land de Wood's shotgun tactic against the Zombies of Prux, backfired big time, leading them to lose 2-0 and be effectively eliminated.

Up next a rest day for the Woodpeckers, a chance to relax and let the other teams do the hard work. Prux verses Bazalonia is a must for all Woodpecker fans, if Prux win that game then the Woodpeckers stand very little chance of qualify, if Bazolonia win then there is still a chance of qualifying, not a big chance, but bigger than a very little one.

Both teams still have to play Nuevos Aires and Bazalonia, so that's one win and one loss a piece. The other games Land de Wood face Greal and can expect a win, while Prux face Bostopia, a game they will probably lose. So on those assumptions, 2 wins for Land de Wood and just the one for Prux we will still be 3 points of qualifying for the playoffs. So we need either Nuevos Aires to actually turn up and beat Prux, or for our Woodpeckers to fly high and beat Bazolonia, neither looks likely, but in football you just never know.

World Cup Qualification - Group 1
MD1: vs Sel Appa (2-0)
MD2: @ Icy Cold Death Touch (0-0)
MD3: vs Kiryu-shi (3-1)
MD4: @ Ixania (2-1)
MD5: -bye-
MD6: vs Jeruselem (0-3)
MD7: @ The Archregimancy (1-1)
MQ: ---
MD8: @ Sel Appa (3-2)
MD9: vs Icy Cold Death Touch (2-2)
MD10: @ Kiryu-shi (1-0)
MD11: vs Ixania
MD12: -bye-
MD13: @ Jeruselem
MD14: vs The Archregimancy
PQ: vs The Holy Empire (@ TBD)

E Bëatrice: «Forse maggior cura,
che spesse volte la memoria priva,
fatt' ha la mente sua ne li occhi oscura.

Ma vedi Eünoè che là diriva:
menalo ad esso, e come tu se' usa,
la tramortita sua virtù ravviva».


It was stunning when Father Thomas came to the edge of the field was directed to bonk the heads of each player entering the field with his golden crucifix. And it wasn't just a simply tap. He literally whacked them, leaving the indelible mark of the Christ's broken body upon the cross on their forehead. The Fathers were left to be utterly confused by such actions, and for the first thirty minutes of the match, they were dizzily driving the ball in every direction. Father Bonaventura was forced to make miraculous saves as his own teammates tried score upon him. The crowd at Kiryu-shi was so filled with gest that they laughed at the confused Saints. Only Father Thomas (de Turrecremata) was holding his head, wondering if this tactic would work at all.

Father Thomas Aquinas spoke the Fathers and Mothers at the half-time dressing room, surprisingly with encouragement. "You have all played marvelously!"

How so? Turrecremata wondered.

"You have played some of the best football that I have ever witnessed!"

They were trying to score against themselves! Are they truly the saintly fathers and mothers of the Church?

"All that remains for us is to continue our excellent performances, and with God graceful to our plight, will provide us with what we need."

"Amen."

Turrecremata shrugged his shoulders as performed again the ceremony, to the laughing stupor of the Kiryu-shi crowd. Their hubris was so filled in the stadium that Father Turrecremata felt he could a custard pie from its wealth - a couple of custard pies in fact. Anyway, he sighed as the match began, and the Saints began their confused performance again. Just as things seemed to be going all in the wrong direction, a clap of thunder shook the stadium and everyone in Kiryu-shi was forced to behold a spectacle! A light shone upon Mother Theresia Iesu as she scattered roses upon the ground. The ball suddenly and inexplicably came to her, and filled with the light of passion, kicked the ball into the sky. For about 10 minutes, no one could tell what was going on, except that a large number were starting to open their Bibles. Uncertain of what to make of it (especially the people who didn't have Bible), they began to panic.

"It's the Apocalypse!!!!!! NOW!!!!"

Shouts shrieked and pandemonium filled the stadium as Turrecremata scratched his head. He muttered to himself, "Father Pope is not going to believe this."

=== Rome ===

"... and then the ball finally came back down, broke the crossbar - which is made of steel! - and landed in the net?"

Father Thomas nodded. "The referee counted it as a goal. I mean, it didn't pass the line and was settled nicely in the back of the net."

"I'm not so worried about the goal as I am the claims that the Apocalypse has come to us in the form of Mother Theresia Iesu? But she's the one who's always casting flowers on the ground! How can she be the one who brings the Apocalypse?"

"She isn't the bearer. She's just someone who got blessed with undue powers that transgress natural ability."

"Meaning that she was ... supernatural?"

"Yes. For a moment. After that, she dizzily tripped over her own shoe-laces."

"She wears laces?"

"Well, the players have to have football attire, and that includes shoes with laces."

"How odd..."

"Indeed."

"So what will we do for our bye?"

Turrecremata shrugged. "I don't know. I suppose we could have mass all day."

"Right..."

Dancougar News!!
"Pittsburgh loves Five Guys. (And having an offense.)"

Back on track? Wings upend Warriors: The whistle blew and Charles DuPont breathed a sigh or relief. From the stands. He'd been sent off for arguing Milchama's lone goal in a 2-1 Black Wing victory which helped the team keep pace with Nire and Nire. Nire and Nire were off after winning last week - while Dancougar rested - so the teams still sit second and third at 5-1-2 with four games remaining. Nire and Nire have the head-to-head tiebreaker.

But for now, the Wings will celebrate the victory over third-ranked Milchama on the road, the first loss of qualifiers for the Warriors. Dancougar led from Shishio Jinguuji's goal in the 29th minute and increased it with Dan Potts' strike in the 53rd. Yuji Watanabe l ooked solid in goal and was unbeatable but for a moment of madness late in the second half that was sparked by Marc J. Floren, the Milchaman wunderman that has a knack for making the impossible possible.

The Warriors surged forward early and could have easily put the game away in the first twenty minutes. Three fine saves from Watanabe kept things even, but the post helped him out on one and several other efforts went wide of the mark. Kenji Miller, marked out as the danger man before the match, drilled Watanabe from fifteen yards in the 6th minute, and the 'keeper held on. Allen Varens slipped behind Barclay in the 17th but the ball skipped off his foot and dribbled wide. The Wings remained pinned in their own half and waited for an opportunity to break out.

It came in the 25th off a Casey Berber clearance, which was corralled by Jericho Leyton and tapped to Lyle Dylandy, who began a break down the right side. Milchama scrambled to cover, but the 3-3-4 showed its vulnerable side when Dylandy's low cross found Jinguuji 25 yards away. But the final ball into the box was weak and picked out of the air by goalkeeper Florence Mendelbaum. Four minutes later, though, Jinguuji struck gold. Dylandy squared it to Leyton, who pulled to ball to his left foot and tried to maneuver around defender Pat Kerf. Kerf challenged for the ball, but Leyton slipped it into the box and found Jinguuji, who redirected it behind Mendelbaum to make it 1-0.

"That took the crowd right out of it," Jinguuji said. "When we heard that silence, that's when we knew we could do it." The Wings were hoping to make Milchama their highest-profile win to date. Az-cz and Squornshelous were bested in the World Cup 41 cycle, and they took two from three against Cafundeu during the WOrld Cup 40 cycle.

Milchama pushed for the equalizer, with Miller firing a volley over the crossbar in the 33rd that started to pull the crowd back into the game. A corner in the 40th saw midfielder Oleg Timnack beat Sho Yukikaze for a header that was directed just wide of the post. Frustration was mounting for the Milchamans, and DuPont was shouted instructions madly from the sideline. The defense was giving up too many runs. The Wings got the last real attempt of the half, a long-distance effort from Leyton that went hopelessly wide by signaled Dancougar's intent to press forward in the second half.

And press they did. The team charged out of the locker room and ran hard at the Milchamans, dominating possession for the first ten minutes. It was all the time they needed to get the second goal. Dylandy won a corner in the 52nd which amounted to nothing, but the Wings collected the ball and went right back in. Yukikaze fired a long ball over the top to Leyton. Hands went up for offside, but the referee and linesman were on top of the play. Leyton controlled the ball and cut it back to his left foot for the cross. Kerf flew into the play but overshot both man and ball, and it founds its way to Potts for a header from eight yards away. Mendelbaum was beaten, and it was 2-0 to the visitors.

The Wings had few attacks after that; most of their energy was now spent protecting the lead. Milchama began to throw more men forward. Demetri Halforth began playing as a fifth forward, but the Wings packed the middle of the field. A defensive substitution was first, with Jinguuji coming off for the big man, Ryu Saotome. Cross into the box, headed away... cross into the box, headed way... shot at goal, deflected wide. No one, it seemed, could get a clear look at goal. And that's when Milchama turned to the magic man.

His number came up in minute 74. Kevin Focus jogged off but no one else came on... Milchama were playing with ten. Someone pointed out the number that went up used to belong to Floren, but was it some sort of prank? Were the hosts that confident that they would turn the tide at the end? Then a shadow began to creep over the field. Fans looked up and cheered, and the Milchamans hit the ball all the way back to Mendelbaum. With a mighty hoof, the 'keeper belted the ball into the sky. The next thing Watanabe knew, the ball was nestled in the back of the Dancougar net.

Mendelbaum's high pass had found Marc J. Floren who, from his hang glider, volleyed the ball right on the Dancougar goal. Watanabe couldn't see it in the sun and it went right between him and the crossbar. Floren landed with a flourish and picked the ball out of the net, as the hosts were now back in it. DuPont immediately began a shouting match with the fourth official claiming that the goal should be disallowed. But the referee was having none of it, and DuPont was shown red.

The referee explained his reasoning after the match: "Because the sidelines essentially stretch vertically to infinity, it followed that Floren, while hang gliding, was in the field of play. His glider was behind the last defender, so he was onside. He struck the ball legally. I could see no reason to disallow the goal. The Dancougar manager refused to respect my decision and was sent off for dissent."

The sudden appearance of Floren changed everything for the Wings, who were now without their manager and without any chance and seeing a decent attack for the final fifteen minutes. Potts had been relegated to an observer and had drifted back into the midfield to replace Whittaker, who had drifted farther back to help on defense. The Warriors were now in a classic pyramid formation going up against Dancougar's "friggen' brick wall," as Berber put it after the game. Watanabe steeled himself against the aerial assault, as the Wings ceded too much space on either side for crosses. They relied on Saotome and Barclay to win the battles in the air.

In the 83rd, Floren hit the post. In the 86th, Miller saw his shot get deflected by van der Horst into the path of the late-diving Watanabe, who grabbed it thankfully. The minutes ticked away and the Black Wings were all back in defensive mode. A second yellow for Yukikaze in the 89th saw Dancougar down to ten men, and Berber nearly avoided the same fate moments later when he clattered James Gamliel just outside the box. Both free kicks were punched clear, as the Wings were content to smash the ball anywhere upfield.

Three minutes of stoppage time, and the final whistle! The small contingent of Black Wing fans hooted and waved their Horrible Hand Towels, while the team on the field tried to conceal their excitement at knocking off the high-ranked foe. After all, if they were to make the World Cup, they'd have to avoid a slowdown in their upcoming matches...

Power. Performance. Purity. Quality. Reliability. Things that your vehicle wants and needs. And you can offer it to your friend, probably one of your best friends, if not the best.

Your vehicle is always with you, at your side, obeying at your commands, helping you when you need. Some friends abandon you (especially when you need money - although even your car won't help you in this case), your partner don't obey you (do you think they do? Sorry to destroy your hopes), your family sometimes complain about your choices.

Only your vehicle is truly faithful... so it deserves the best you can offer. It's up to you to give him this gift... the Petrocaf Fuel, the one that is symbol of power, performance, purity, quality and reliability!

And it is Petrocaf that offers you... the MD11 RP cutoff.

the Matchday 11 scores (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13973655&postcount=14)

Kate Sallad with Jenny Sloan in the change rooms at Dazza Dallas stadium ...

Kate: Woah, that was really hard game.
Jenny: Yeah, we kinda lucky to get anything today.
Kate: Yeah, Kiryu-Shi sure tried hard but we triumphed again!
Jenny: At least we got some luck this time, a ref who didn't get in the way of a good game.

Kate: And my sister didn't get booked for being herself.
Jenny: Crazy girl she is. You're just as crazy.
Kate: We're sisters! Sisters of sin we are.
Jenny: Yes, you two have a reputation I don't want.

Kate: I heard we guaranteed a play-off spot.
Jenny: Yeah, but we want more than a play-off spot.
Kate: I know, at least we have a little safetly net.
Jenny: Direct qualification is only way Kate. Play-offs are for girls.

Kate: We are girls ...
Jenny: Oh yes ...
Kate: We think too much like men.
Jenny: And we don't like men either.

Kate: Oh, seen my sister?
Jenny: I think she's talking some media people.
Kate: But she wasn't wearing a top!
Jenny: I think that's why she's talking to them.

Kate: You have to these thing properly!
Jenny: Nude interviews?
Kate: Yeah, no half-way for me.
Jenny: God help the viewers.

Kate: When I retire, I'm going into the media.
Jenny: But most media, requires you have clothes on.
Kate: I'm going to work for Naked News Jeruselem.
Jenny: Oh dear ...

Kate: Hey, I saw you on the cover of Karate Jeruselem!
Jenny: Oh that ... err why
Kate: It was pretty risque.
Jenny: OK, they offered a lot of money. Being a Jeruselemite girl, nudity isn't a problem for the right price.

Jacinta: Hey, girls!
Jenny: If it isn't topless model Jacinta.
Kate: No going nude there.
Jacinta: Too cold, I'll do that later when it's warm.

Kate: Sel Appa is eliminated, I hear.
Jenny: Yes, but then they were playing crap most of the time except against us.
Kate: Jeru FC got a draw against the Purple Menace.
Jenny: Now, that's a good result. Wish we do stuff like that.

Jacinta: I don't like Purple ...
Jenny: Vephrall is going to be big problem now.
Kate: Yes, Jeru FC lost 1-6 to them. Hopefully they can do better.
Sadie: Hey, someone say Jeru FC?

Jacinta: Miss your old team?
Sadie: Not really.
Jenny: So away game against Ixania and home game against them Saints people.
Kate: We really need two wins.

Jenny: If we beat the Saints, we help the Monks.
Jacinta: True, but we can't do much to avoid that.
Kate: I like the Monks better for some reason.

QBC WORLD CUP 42 COVERAGE

"Hello all, I'm Beck Davidham, today was match #10 at home vs. Kanji Starterat Lorax Field in Lorax City, About 5 minutes before the match, the Rennidan and Quakmybush score came through to the stadium, Rennidan 1–0 Quakmybush, meaning that with a win, Qazox would be in the World Cup. So let's take a look:"

Minute 42:
"The crowd is still abuzz about Quakmybush's loss to Rennidan, and now Kallie Jaus lines up for a penalty kick here, after she was taken down by a defender. She sets and GOOOOOOALLL! 1-0 Qazox and the crowd is going even crazier, if possible!

Minute 61:
"Juas lines up the corner kick here, still 1-0 Qazox just past the 60th minute, she sends it in and GOOOOOOOOALL! Renna Valladores with the header and Qazox is up 2-0, and World Cup 42 is just 30 minutes away!"


"But Kanji Starter make the fans in Lorax City sweat a bit..."

Minute 64:
"Kanji Starter's forward slips by Stasinos and goooal. 2-1 Qazox, adn the celebration might wait a bit now."


"But the tying goal never came and Qazox becomes one of 6 teams to have earned a trip to Cafundeu or Septentrionia. Joining the Pheonix are: Tynelia, Capitalizt SLANI, Bazalonia, Valanora and Bostopia. With still 2 matches and an off day left, Qazox might use this time to rest up a bit before the Cup itself starts in 6 months."


QAZOX Goals:
Valladores: 7
Jaus: 7 (2 PK)
Tarricone: 4
Cruz-Preli: 3 (1 PK)
de Olivares: 3
Spingler: 2
Marquis: 2
St. Louis: 1
Erca: 1
Christian: 1

Hamburger Hill Herald

Who knew that Bazalonia had portable mini-suns? We sure didn't. (damnit) and once again Dr. Mkembe had to play the entire game himself. Somehow he scored a goal, but the Bazalopes or Bazalonians, or whatever scored 3 goals to take the win and clinch a World Cup berth. Prux is still 6 points ahead of Land de Wood for the playoff berth and with a win at Nuevos Aires, they could almost wrap that spot up.

Schedule:
vs. Arroza WIN 3-0 (1-0-0 record)
@ Land de Wood WIN 3-0 (2-0-0 record)
vs. Greal WIN 2-0 (3-0-0 record)
@ Bazalonia Lose 1-3 (3-0-1 record)
vs. Nuevos Aires W 5-0 (4-0-1 record)
@ Bostopia Lose 0-5 (4-0-2 record)
BYE
@ Arroza DRAW 2-2 (4-1-2 record)
vs. Land de Wood DRAW 2-2 (4-2-2 record)
@ Greal WIN 2-0 (5-2-2 record)
vs. Bazalonia Lose 1-3 (5-2-3 record)
@ Nuevos Aires
vs. Bostopia
BYE

Prux' Goals:
Zombie Pelé: 6
Zombie Zinedine Zidane (aka Triple Z): 4
Zombie Just Fontaine: 3
Dr. Mkembe: 3
Zombie Ronaldo: 2
Zombie Lothar Matthäus: 2
Zombie Diego Maradona: 1

Green Wombat Daily Tattler

A needed, but dissapointing draw with West Zirconia today, moves the team to within 5 points, but since they have the next scheduled matchday off, they could be eliminated without playing a game. Congrats are in order for Valanora, the first team from the group to qualify for the World Cup.

SCORING:
GW: Dale Henke- 17'
WZ: Martin Forster- 45+2'
WZ: Steve Griffiths- 62'
GW: Nicholas Huskey- 75'

SCHEDULE:
MD1: vs. Ron Paulovia WIN 3-2
MD2: @ Valanora Draw 3-3
MD3: vs. Demot Lost 1-3
MD4: @ West Zirconia Draw 2-2
MD5: BYE
MD6: vs. Central Prestonia WIN 3-0
MD7: @ Blouman Empire Lose 1-3
BYE DATE
MD8: @ Ron Paulovia WIN 1-0
MD9: vs. Valanora Lost 1-5
MD10: @ Demot Lost 1-4
MD11: vs. West Zirconia Draw 2-2
MD12: BYE
MD13: @ Central Prestonia
MD14: vs. Blouman Empire


RECORD: 3-3-4 4th place in group. (-5 points from playoff berth)
GOALS:
Utley: 5
Blessing: 4
Wilcox: 3
Henke: 3
Karp: 1
Huskey: 1

Greal World Cup 42 Match 9 and 10

After taking a beating from Prux, Greal once again tied with Arroza. Howard Anderson once again scored Greal's only goal of the match. There was now no chance of going through the rest of the World Cup. Greal had to play its last two matches honorably. John Igor expressed his regret about Greal being eliminated from the World Cup 42. It has been a tough bumpy season for Greal. Maybe in the next World Cup, Greal will see some success. Their next opponent, Land de Wood, would be tough opponents, and Greal would have to stick to its new formation. Meanwhile, rumors are that Ross Trent will become Greal's team captain in the next International football competition that Greal attends.

New Team Formation
4-2-2-3

Schedule

20/8 (wed) - qualifying MD01 @ Nuevos Aires (WIN 1-0)
21/8 (thu) - qualifying MD02 vs Bostopia (LOSS 0-5)
22/8 (fri) - qualifying MD03 @ Prux (LOSS 0-2)
23/8 (sat) - qualifying MD04 vs. Arroza (DRAW 1-1)
24/8 (sun) - qualifying MD05 @ Land de Wood (LOSS 1-3)
25/8 (mon) - qualifying MD06 OFF DAY/BYE (No Matches)
26/8 (tue) - qualifying MD07 vs. Bazalonia (LOSS 1-3)
27/8 (wed) - mid-qualifying friendlies (Caf) (No Matches)
28/8 (thu) - qualifying MD08 vs Nuevos Aires (WIN 3-0)
29/8 (fri) - qualifying MD09 @ Bostopia (LOSS 0-3)
30/8 (sat) - qualifying MD10 vs Prux (LOSS 0-2)
31/8 (sun) - qualifying MD11 @ Arroza (DRAW 1-1)
1/9 (mon) - qualifying MD12 vs Land de Wood
2/9 (tue) - qualifying MD13 OFF DAY/BYE
3/9 (wed) - qualifying MD14 @ Bazalonia

THE ROCKET REPORT

ROCKETS TRIUMPH IN EAST YING

East Ying- After losing their previous two games, there was no way that the Rockets could afford a loss, or a draw against the squad from East Ying. They would take care of business by registering a 2-1 victory over the opponent, and are presently tied with Az-Cz for third overall in Group six, and four points behind 2nd place Jasi-yun with a game in hand on them. That Matchday 13 game on the road against them certainly looms huge now, doesn’t it? But in order for it to matter, Newmanistan first had to beat East Ying, and then they have to beat Kansiov in Putnam Lake next week. There’s hope out there as it will be a tough task, but certainly one that we feel this team could pull off.

Things did not go perfectly for Newmanistan in this game as they may have lost Chris Peterson for the rest of the tournament plus World Cup Proper/Cup of Harmony. In the 9th minute, Peterson collided with East Ying’s Hing Hing and landed awkwardly on his left leg. There was nothing dirty about the contact in any way, but Chris was in serious pain and had to be helped off the field. He was carted off to the locker room and we have since gotten word. It’s a torn ACL for Chris, and he will not be back for the rest of qualifying definitely, and likely will not be back for the tournament the Rockets end up in after qualifying. Peterson was subbed for by Steve Boland. Boland has been a sub or a reserve since World Cup 40, but never has had the amount of playing time he would get right here, and figures to get for the duration of qualifying. Steve made the most of his opportunity, and generated quite a chance in the 14th minute for Jeremy McAllister which was denied by a good save by Gog Ming. Four minutes later though, in the 18th, Newmanistan would slip a shot by Ming for the opening goal. It was scored by Shawn Drummond, on a header off a cross from Alex Parnett. Perhaps Ming could have gotten to it, but we’ll certainly take it as Drummond continues to have a very strong tournament. With the early lead, the Rockets tried to quickly put more goals on the board as there was a bit of a sense that maybe the team could get a big win. Unfortunately, this did not go as planned and led to a lot of forced passes and players trying to do too much with the ball, allowing Ming or his defenders to keep the chances from amounting to much of anything. What it did do though, is run time off the clock. Before you knew it, we reached the 40 minute mark with it still one-nil. Newmanistan was dominant, but there would be a lapse. A bad pass from Boland to Parnett was intercepted Alling Mo, and he with a great sprint on goal got himself in great scoring position, before he was taken down by Jeremy Brooker in the box. The referee did not view it as a clean play, and awarded a penalty to Mo in the 44th minute. Brooker only gave a sly grin at the ref when he displayed the yellow, as if he knew that it would come. On the penalty, Mo made it count to tie the game. Hennis guessed correctly, but the ball sailed over his fingertips anyway for the equalizer. With the score now tied, and heading into halftime, the Rockets were left to ponder a half where they dictated the tempo of the match, but were only tied.

With the crowd going crazy, Brian Carson knew that he had to keep the momentum that East Ying would get from the late equalizer from carrying over into the second half, as so often happens in these situations. Especially here. On the road, as the favorite, giving up a late first half goal to the underdog. But it wasn’t just Carson that tried to inspire the team. Captain Jeremy McAllister gave a passionate speech towards the team about “picking up” Brooker, because Brooker has so often been there when the team needed it. That, more then anything else, would provide inspiration.

As expected, East Ying came out aggressively in the second half and they were met with timely defensive stops and clears by the Newmanistan back end, or when necessary, a save by Corey Hennis. Nothing they did was excessively troubling to our team, and as more time ticked off the clock with the score still one-one the pendulum of momentum was shifting back in favor of the Rockets. It took some time, and we were past the hour mark when we had the better of chances. But when they did, they were coming with great frequency. McAllister forced Ming to make two saves, as did Drummond, plus shots by McElroy and Prescott tested the East Ying keeper, who was up to the task. It looked like it was going to take a perfect play, and in the 77th minute, that’s exactly what the Rockets got with pretty pass work between Drummond and McAllister, and then a pretty fake by J-Mac before he slid the ball in the bottom right corner. A big goal for sure. From there, the defense took care of business, and helped the team finish out a victory by the score of 2-1.

For those wondering that didn’t see the game, there really wasn’t any carryover from the biting incident in which Hang Zike-Tau took in the first game on Brett Prescott. Brett was remarkably composed, and Zike-Tau as well seemed to be more concerned with helping his team. However, their handshake before the game was very half-hearted.

Here is some post game reaction:

Carson (on the game): “It’s good to be on the winning end again. I tell ya this East Ying side is pesky. They could have a future in this if they get a little more government funding. We’re excited about going to Putnam Lake against Kansiov as we hope to get on a roll again. We know that we’re right in the thick of this.”

Carson (on the Peterson injury): “Losing Chris will be real tough for us, he was versatile in what he did for the team. Though having said that, I believe we have enough good depth on the team to overcome that. We will start Steve Boland in his place against Kansiov, and Kevin Lewis will get time as a sub. He’s earned that.”

Brooker: “We controlled the game, and the scoreline might not quite show how well that we did. Three points is three points, and we are very happy to get them. (When asked about his yellow and the penalty kick): It wasn’t my intention, but I got too much of his leg. The referee saw what happened with Peterson and probably wanted to make sure that what I did wasn’t retaliatory from that. It was probably the right call. I spoke with him a little bit after and let him know it was more a mistimed dive then getting payback, and he understood.”

Hennis: “I’m disappointed in myself that I let the penalty go in, because I really should have made the save given that I dove the correct way for it. But we held true, and in the end, it is an important win for us.”

McAllister: “A loss here would have been devastating, so I am glad that we took care of business and got the job done. Next we are going to my house (Putnam Lake, where he plays his club football) and Kansiov is not going to beat us in my house!

Somewhere deep in SBIS HQ....

"Sir, there's one thing I'm having problems understanding..."

"And what's that, Stauracius?"

"Well, according to this memo you drafted yesterday, there's an infinite number of conflicting realities in what we term Ordinary Reality..."

"Quite patently. And you spend eight hours a day monitoring some of them. I wouldn't think that would be a problem."

"Well, no.... it's not that."

"Well, what is it then? Spit it out. We don't have all day."

"Well, if there's an infinite number of realities, and the match was taking place outside the Dreamed Realm, then surely there's a reality where, instead of losing the re-match against Tynelia, the Holy Empire defeated Tynelia...."

"Well, I suppose there must be. Let's have a look. Well, yes, there are several of them, including one where we defeated them 38-0. My. And our managers didn't even have Swedish accents in that one."

"Well then, instead of recognising the 'official result', why don't we insist to the hosts that we only recognise one of the results where we won?"

"Stauracius, that's brilliant! I'll draft a memorandum straight away!"

MEMORANDUM
TO: The World Cup 42 co-hosts
FROM: The State Bureau of Imperial Security, the Holy Empire
RE: The Recent Tynelia - Holy Empire Match

Dear Sirs,

It has come to our attention that you have erroneously recorded that the Holy Empire lost 3-1 to Tynelia last night.

Our records show that the Holy Empire in fact defeated Tynelia 38-0, thereby maintaining our unbeaten qualifying record. We have included a video and a DVD of the match in question - in English, Portuguese and French - and are able to supply other media showing the result as necessary.

Please correct the group table at the earliest possible opportunity to read as follows:

Group 2
Tynelia 0–38 The Holy Empire
Wijaska Island 3–0 Montgisard
Northern Bettia 3–1 Kereca

Group 2 P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Tynelia 10 7 1 2 20 45 -25 22
2 The Holy Empire 9 6 3 0 60 9 +51 21
3 Northern Bettia 10 5 2 3 21 13 +8 17
4 Kereca 9 4 2 3 12 12 0 14
5 The Macabees 9 4 2 3 15 16 −1 14
6 Wijaska Island 9 1 1 7 10 20 −10 4 E
7 Montgisard 10 0 1 9 5 29 −24 1 E

We have no idea how the original mistake can have been made, but stand ready to assist you in making the appropriate changes, and hope that appropriate disciplinary action will be taken against those responsible.

Yours,

Theodore Comneno

Glaycia factbook final part

Education- mandatory schooling begins at age 5 until age 18 and lasts from september1st until June 20th. Lessons are held on weekdays from 9AM until 3PM, though younger students age 5-7 have classes end at 1PM. There is one college equivalent university on the isle which takes students for five years after mandatory schooling is completed for those wishing to continue their education. About 60% of the population have access to computers.

Media- The island has several local radio stations in every town over 2000 people as well as a national radio channel which broadcasts to the entire island located in Anaboug. There is a national television network which reaches the entire isle and the five largest towns have local stations as well. There are two major daily newspapers and several local weekly or bi-weekly papers as well.

Sports- As a result of the climate, cross country skiing is a favorite pastime in Glaycia. Boating and boat racing are also popular along with curling and tennis. Soccer has grown in popularity as well with a small four team league set up.All matches during the season take place on the weekend at the King Olaf I Stadium named after the first king of the isle. This stadium has been updated with the latest technology and seats 35,000. Rock climbing, mountain climbing and regular hiking are favored leisure activities with several clubs devoted to each can be found throughout the island. Cycling in the south is popular as both a leisure activity as well as racing.

Military- Being rather isolated Glaycia has only a small military presence in its own right. There is one wing of 2 jet interceptors at a secure sector of the airport. A search and rescue base between Anaboug and Varisktu has an additional group of 2 transport rescue helicopters and 1 lightly armed fast moving recon helicopter. The naval boasts four small patrol boats, two of which include a flight deck and a rescue helicopter and about 150 people serving. The army consists of 1800 soldiers who spend most of their time doing routine police activities. A Special Forces group of about 250 included in that count are devoted strictly to military matters such as bomb defusing, anti-terrorism, royal bodyguards, elite security, rescue operations and hostage situations. 50 of the Special Forces are detained as Royal Bodyguards rotated out every two months to keep anyone from getting complacent.

((OOC- Tynelia post))

Nuts Run Onto Field During Baseball Game

Though we condone such activities and try not to give any of these yahoos any extra incentive to try again, it seems the New Oythidoxic Christian Church of Reborn Othydoxy worhippers are expanding their quest to ruin other sports for people. Today six men, acting in unison charged onto the field during the 5th inning of the Damak Icemen and the Varrik Thunder. Bearing bright banners with the words 'Follow the true score' on them these individuals ran amok for several minutes before security could track them down.

All of these men were arrested and kept from making any statements to the press in an effort to thwart further activities by the cultists. Deputy Mayor Jon Dough of Varrik was outraged by the actions.

'What sort of law and order do we have at these fun filled games where fringe groups can run onto the field and disrupt things for the good people at the stadium? What if these people were carrying weapons not banners, everyone knows these religious types are unstable. I demand that the government do something about these people.'

No further questions could be made as the men were bailed out of jail within hours of their arrest, despite none of them having made their mandated phone call beforehand. Police have no answers at this time.

Tynelian Soccer Federation Outraged over claims

<breaking news>

Officials for the Tynelian Soccer Federation were outraged by recent events involving the Holy Empire and the result of Tynelia's last match. The contest, a clear 3-1 victory for Tynelia which clinched another conseutive berth into the World Cup itself, has been clouded by Imperial claims that the match was actually a 38-0 victory by the Empire which cut Tynelia's group lead to a single point. Despite millions of people as well as the viewers live at the stadium who watched the entire match live, the suit was still pressed on with dubious claims of visual evidence and an alleged tape of the 'match' itself.

In a related development some religious nuts are claiming some Apocalypse is coming and that their Lord has turned his back on them if the claims of the 38-0 outrage are indeed made official by some gullible Host official. Seriously though, Tynelia has ever allowed that many goals in an entire qulaifier never mind one match. It is our hope and that of the TSF that the forged nature of the evidence is seen for what it is and the actual match results are upheld.

THE ROCKET REPORT

FROM WARZONE TO THE BEACH

Putnam Lake, Newmanistan- It wasn’t the intention of the Empress to make this game such a drastic change of scenery for our opponent, Kansiov. At the time she assigned the Rockets home qualifying games to the various stadiums of the Empire, making sure all regions of the country had a game in their area for fans to travel to, the nation of Kansiov was well, existing. Since then, their government lost control of the country and the nation has fallen into a complete state of anarchy. Where the players of the Kansiov national team are staying, and where their families are is something that we do not know, but one can only hope that they have gotten them out of the mess that we saw there when we visited.

But wow, what a difference. Things were so bad when we were there that we had an hour and half delay because of excessive smoke coming form a burning high rise. At that time, the looters were just beginning to take control of the nation as it had very recently seen its government collapse. One can only hope that with time, the situation has gotten better there, or is at least showing signs of improving. While the World Assembly is more concerned with things like forcing policies of marriage upon nation that are a part of it, we have a situation as we do in Kansiov that is completely being overlooked for humanitarian aid. When we met there, we played in an empty stadium due to security concerns. Now, the teams will meet under the beautiful backdrop of Putnam Lake, the area of Newmanistan known best for its beaches and being a resort and vacation hotspot. It is a modern city like others in the Empire, but here is where people go who want the conveniences of a big city without it feeling like a big city. What will be going through the heads of the Kansiov players here? And will they want to go home?

It will be a reminder to them what it will be like, but the Rockets cannot get caught up in all that, nor can they look ahead to the game that follows in Az-cz. Because a slip up here, and the Az-cz game will not mean anything. They have done a good job thus far in these nagging trouble games, going four for four in them, and that is why we are still in this with a fighting chance. Plus, they have done a good job in their home games that have been played in Putnam Lake, winning both the World Cup 40 and 41 games that were played here. It’s an important contest for us, and a chance for our opponent to dream of what their country could be like once again.

The game is particularly important for Rockets striker Jeremy McAllister. J-Mac has been part of every Newmanistan roster you could possibly think of starting with the 4th Di Bradini Cup, and now here in World Cup 42 qualifying. While McAllister has become, more then likely, the first name that outsiders mention when referring to Newmanistan football, he has made his bigger impact right here. When he arrived, Putnam Lake football was a joke. We didn't have the Premiership back then, and if we did then you can bet that the Eagles would have fallen into the second division. But Jeremy made them better, and has made the people around him better, too. For the last two seasons, Putnam Lake has finished 2nd in the new Premiership. So close, indeed, and it seems inevitable that the day will come. When the World Cup qualifying games come here, Jeremy has taken his game to another level. "This place is just so special to me, everything about it," he says, "Just the fact that the Empress would pick Putnam Lake Stadium to host a World Cup qualifying game is special, and I really don't want to let my fan base down. I'm glad they can take this moment to enjoy the talent of my teammates with the national team that they will usually root against. That's why it is really special to me." And showing his charitable side, before the match gets underway, Jeremy will present a check in the amount of one million gold coins for the benefit of the Putnam Lake Autism Foundation. "Fighting Autism is very important to me." he replies.

Kura-Pelland have courted controversy with their export of their entire supply of Score Enhancing Drugs to Candelaria And Marquez.

Some have suggested they did not want the football team to overshadow the successful Olympic team, who exceeded their target of 13 golds and 37 total medals. However, the discovery of an export to the Rushmori nation, who are established sporting rivals of Kura-Pelland and already one of the world's largest RP-inin consumers, was shocking.

It has been suggested by some cynics that C&M's RP-inin has been left in storage, potentially for the World Cup finals. Others have suggested the country doesn't need RP-inin thanks to its extensive use of the more potent SED, Verbosita. There are rumours that the RP-inin supply has now been found on the streets of Albrecht. English teachers in the city are reputedly fearing an increased workload due to their students writing more, but concede 'it's quite a nice problem to have'. Some expect the C&M government to fail to intervene in order to potentially reap the benefit of higher examination grades.

In other news, Kura-Pelland have all but qualified for the World Cup, drawing home and away with Ad'ihan and winning all their other games to top their group by four points with two matches to go.

World Cup 42: Match Day Eleven

Rennidan : Quakmybush
1:0



Match Report:

Rennidan - Littletown Memorial is one of those quaint old stadiums which is enriched with a decades of history. Every nation has one, and most of the older football lovers are keen to tell of their history.

Littletown Memorial, for instance, is said to be the spot where the first game of football in Rennidan was ever played between a group of adults with jumpers for goalposts. These lads enjoyed it enough to keep turning up to the same spot and playing a regular match every week. They began to draw crowds and, eventually, built their own goalposts out of wood and varnish. They made a couple of teams, made their own kits, and over time they eventually had their own stadium, which has since been enlarged and added to to accomadate the 75,000 football fanatics who now pack the green and gold rafters.

Whereas the stadium has history, the two teams playing within it have none between them. They first met in the current World Cup, where Quakmybush won by a close 2-1, a match which showed that Rennidan still had fight after the Flight 109 incident. Today, Rennidan showed that, not only do they still have some fight, but that they're going from strength to strength.

The match itself was a closely contested affair, with neither Quakmybush or Rennidan giving up ground as they fought a match reminiscent of an early world war stalemate. Shots were fired, but missed. Fouls were made, but went unnoticed in many cases.

It all came down to the last minute, when Rennidan suddenly discovered the chink in Quakmybush's armour.

The 91st minute chimed and it looked like both sides would be going away with a point a piece. The crowd was near-silent, only the mild utterings of discontent at such a lousy match to be heard. Then, Josef Fersu, the sixteen year old soccer prodigy, broke away from the Quakmybush midfield, and began a run down the centre of the pitch. He weaved in and out of the defenders, playing a short passing game between his two fellow midfielders, Witern Wallase and Macki Selks, but all the attention was on Fersu, the youngest player for Rennidan.

He entered the box, he passed it left to Wallase. The Quakmybushian keeper reacted accordingly, and turned to face Wallase, but by that time the ball was already heading back to Fersu, who struck it clean and clear into the back of the net to bring Rennidan to a 1-0 victory.

They now fight for a place in qualifying, aiming for the playoff spot at the least.

Before the scenes were looked behind, it might have seemed like a good time to be a Zwangzug football fan. The domestic league was gearing up for its second half, and the national team had just put three more goals past Bettia. Two from Muus Jurin this time, and one from Rohit Sharma-who even got an assist. The Aroras did score in the twenty-fifth minute, granted, but it hardly mattered.

Zwangzug were second in the group, temporarily at least. There would be plenty of action yet to come, more good news for fans. Bettia had a game in hand-

Where does that saying come from, anyway? wondered Belinda Littlewood, spinning in her swivel chair for no other reason than that it was fun. We should be the ones with a "game in hand", we've already played it. And people aren't allowed to use their hands in football.

The chair made her dizzy, so she got up.

Most of them, anyway.

Her computer made a funny noise. No. Wait. It wasn't a funny noise. She knew what that noise meant. She had e-mail!

She was learning, anyway. That had to count for something.

Aha. The Rocket Report. It had come in handy when Newmanistan and Zwangzug were coordinating the Cup of Harmony, and she quite hadn't worked out how to unsubscribe. Oh well. She sighed at the line about fighting autism-some of the kids down at the university would probably try fighting back-and deleted the message.

It felt like summer outside, the oppressive kind of heat. She hoped it would be cooler before she had to haul the boxes down-but there wouldn't be boxes for her, mostly ephemeral bits and bytes she didn't really understand. And the item she hadn't figured out how to transport.

Oh, of course.

She took the stairs down like it was the last time, slowly reaching the edge of the grass. It sounded like a train whistle in the distance. She took the thing out of her pocket and threw it across the street, then went back to her office, taking the stairs two at a time.

QUALIFYING HYMNS OF THE ARCHREGIMANCY

1 Praise ye the LORD: for it is good to sing praises unto our God after a victorious match; for it is pleasant; and praise is comely.

2 The LORD doth build up the Archregimancy: he gathereth together a squad that hath but lost one qualifying match.

3 He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.

4 He telleth the number of the stars; he calleth them all by their names.

5 Great is our Lord, and of great power: his understanding is infinite.

6 The LORD lifteth up the meek: he casteth the wicked, such as Icy Cold Death Touch down to the ground.

7 Sing unto the LORD with thanksgiving; sing praises unto our God:

8 Who covereth the heaven with clouds, who prepareth rain for the earth, who maketh grass to grow upon the mountains.

9 He giveth to the beast his food, and to the young ravens which cry.

10 He delighteth in the strength of His squad: he taketh great pleasure in the goal-scoring legs of a man.

11 The LORD taketh pleasure in them that fear him, in those that hope in his mercy.

12 Praise the LORD, O Archregimancy; praise thy God, O monks.

13 For he hath strengthened the bars of thy gates; he hath blessed thy squad within thee.

14 He maketh peace in thy borders, and filleth thee with the finest of the wheat.

15 He sendeth forth his commandment upon earth: his word runneth very swiftly.

16 He giveth victory unto us: he scattereth Icy Cold Death Touch like ashes.

17 He casteth forth His own ice: who can stand before His cold?

18 He sendeth out His Squad, and melteth Icy Cold Death Touch: he causeth his wind to blow, and the waters to flow.

19 He sheweth his word unto Fr. Anthony, his statutes and his judgments unto the squad.

20 He hath not dealt so with any opponent: and as for his judgments, they have not known them. Praise ye the LORD.

Knights beat Roddyville 1-0

Uhuh the Knights after an earlier shocking 1-1 tie in the first game in Taeshan went to Roddyville this weekend and beat them 1-0 in a game that was too close think Knights fans. Yep the Knights are not beating anybody big right know except for Solenial, and thats keeping fans busy. Cheering there Knights to victory in games that shouldn't even be close.

And last nights game was one of them. Since Roddyville isn't eactly in walking distance from Taeshan(nothing is actually were an island country), but anyway very few paid the price to come to the small country in the middle of nowhere. Anyways the fans that did come were treated to a nice trick by Knights star Brian Ying Uing juggling the ball all the way into the goal not even making an attempt to kick it past the goalie scoring to easily i might add. But then the Knights just didn't even try to score again. It was to close.

Anyways the Knights next game is back at the Colliseum, versus the Yafor 2 Firebugs. The two are both vying for a spot in the cup.(I might add they havent rped, but ill probally lose, and they have a better chance of making it anyways) So come to the game if you're a true Knights fan. Go Knights.

---Ile de Nouveau Bostopie, somewhere---

Dear Diary

I am currently writing this while under attack from Han forces. They didn't appear to like me firing pineapple grenades at them from my catapult. Sheridan is telling me it's not a catapult, it's just his bedding strapped between two trees which is pulled back, has a pineapple put into it and let go. He says they're not real grenades, but Sheridan didn't experience the carnage. The scenes during the rushes for cricket soup at homeless shelters weren't as bad as this.

In order to help with my plans for counter-attacks and a guerilla war, I drew a crude map (http://www.btinternet.com/~david.boston/_bostopia/iledenouveaubostopie.pdf) on a bit of parachute I found a few hours ago with footsteps leading off in the wrong direction. Sheridan thinks I have a computer. He thinks I'm playing as Oblast Rangers and should be manager of the Sorthern Northland side. All I've done is found a pistachio nut tree, with help from the Field Marshal, who is back to his normal colour. He's still got a doubled-barrelled surname though, which still makes me doubt his real intentions.

Az-cz is a double-barrelled country, and they're called the robbers! Deciduous-Leaf is a much longer name, so it means he's even more risky. I ought to go, someone's shouting at me in a French accent, and I haven't quite got the holding pen for surrendered troops ready yet.

“…Моя бедная страна!!! Что случалось вас?!?...”

“It’s a jolly little tune, don’t you think? As drinking songs go. Quite the foot-tapper.”

“…Моя жизнь несмыслова, и я чувствую как поручая суицид!!!...”

“What’re they singing, d’you suppose?”

“What, taking into account my fluency in Russian, coupled with the unique Squornshelan grammatical rules?”

“Alright, alright…”

“But seriously though; it’s something along the lines of ‘Oh, my devastated land, what has become of ye? I just don’t see the point any more, and frankly I’m on the verge of doing myself in…”

“…С кровопролитной большой лопатой!!!”

“With a bloody big spade.”

“…И после этого я иду поскакать вверх и вниз на мой собственный труп как раз для того чтобы сделать проклятое уверенное…”

“And then I’ll jump up and down on my own corpse, just to make sure. Tiddly-om-pom-pom-OI!”

“Wow… They’ve really got a handle on the Candelariasian Dream, haven’t they?”

“Sí, they’re my new favourite refugees, I reckon. Not quite the sense of humour of the Casarans, but fewer rapes than the Timonians.”

“…Колеса на велосипеде идут круглыми и круглыми…”

“Still, the chorus gets you going…”

“Mm. Don’t ask me to translate it, though,” Lyndon Hernández sighed, and winced as Merlin Siriwong, a tiny little yellow figure up on the screen in the corner of the pub, lost the ball to Mick Catlin. Again.

“How soon d’you reckon we’ll have Squornshelans playing for us, then?”

“On this performance? Next Tuesday. How on earth is it still one-all…?”

Jack De Belanger grinned. “And here I was under the impression you couldn’t give two hoots about the national team.”

“Oh, I don’t,” Hernández confirmed rapidly, “C’mon, you’re a Cathedral City man too, aren’t you? ‘Tis all parochial concerns with us, really…”

“Like whether Jason Federici is actually going to score for anyone this season?”

The chair of the all-party parliamentary committee on Rushmori agricultural subsidies grimaced. “Tell you what; if it wasn’t for that el… that Eesseffian girl, we’d be really screwed this year. Too much too soon, if you ask me… Ooh! Now that’s what I call a tackle!”

Enrique Silva de Aviz took Ma’an Gwent down cleanly and hoofed the ball to safety.

“Now if only he’d been doing that all season,” Hernández grumbled.

“You a season-ticket holder then, or something?”

“I’ve got to do something with my time…”

“You’re still an MP!”

“Yeah, an opposition one… Madre de dios, JUST SHOOT! Oh, they’ll have to just throw on Jamie González, he’s having a mare…”

“Haven’t actually been to a live game meself for years… Used to go to Lesperance Knights, when we lived in Candelaria. Me sister was the fan though, really… I couldn’t see the point. And they never won.”

“Mm?”

“She had the replica shirt and everything… No-one wore Knights shirts! Albrecht FC, Turkish, Radyukevich, Allemali Mariners, sure… Not the crummy little local team…”

“Mm.”

“Are you actually listening, or…?”

“Mm. Hm? Oh, um…”

“You’re waiting to see if the bean gets on as a substitute, aren’t you?”

“Sshh…Am I that transparent? Nah, it won’t happen. It can’t. They’re playing Bettia at the Solidarity Stadium, for God’s sake! Most of the country’ll be watching this…”

“He’d be more likely to score than Federici.”

“That’s hardly the point… What was Melbourne thinking?” He glanced up at De Berlanger. “That wasn’t a rhetorical question, by the way.”

“And here was me thinking we were only here to watch the football.”

“Look, Jack, I called in more than a few favours to get you inserted into Melbourne’s camp. I’d quite like a return on my investment at some point…”

“I honestly don’t know what to tell you. As far as I can tell, Melbourne’s running a tight ship at the Ministry. Not as tight as you did, obviously,” he added hurriedly, “but they’re doing everything by the book. Your book.”

“And Melbourne himself?”

“Oh, I wouldn’t piss on him if he was on fire, obviously. Horrible little career politician… Um, no offence…”

“Oh, none taken. We’re dreadful people, as a rule.”

“Right. But as far as I can tell, you’re on the same side, Mr Hernández. Football-playing bean aside. Which was Mr Martino’s idea, by the by.”

“On that subject, have you… I don’t suppose… Is he, um, around much, just at the minute? Only, he hasn’t been replying to my concerned, nagging messages for a while…”

“I’m guessing they don’t have text-messaging in elf…land. All those fancy diacritical marks’d be a right bugger. I think Melbourne said something about him going on a long trip abroad…”

“Gosh, that doesn’t sound at all sinister. Maybe I should pay the Ministry a visit sometime soon. They’ve got me leading the parliamentary working group on the whole RP-inin crisis… Perhaps I’ll need to pop in and pick up some papers on the subject. Or something.”

“I wasn’t aware the Ministry dealt with that sort of stuff too?”

“We… They don’t, as a rule. But, y’know… gambling debts, gangsters, Swedish people, ethereal sheep…” Hernández waved an arm airily, before bouncing out of his chair with a force that made Jack jump. The whole pub, even the Squornshelans – even the Bettians, most of them – rose as one as Dionísio Madeira Lobos curled in a free-kick to make the score two-one in the Candelariasians’ favour.

“Now are you telling me,” Jack said playfully, “That if they can all accept a Cafundelense playing for C&M, they couldn’t deal with a singing bean. Or an elf, even.”

“Ah, you’re going through that stage in your M.O.R.T. career,” Hernández smiled, “We all do. You have those moments when you think ‘Hey, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if we had elves and gnomes and aliens and… seal-people, let’s say, wandering about willy and indeed nilly, holding high office, playing international football…’ You’ll get over it, believe me. Besides, we both know that there are other considerations to worry about… Are you vibrating?”

“Yeah. That’ll be the Ministry, I probably ought t–”

“Придено дальше!! Любое может увидеть что маленький желтый человек играет ужасно! Примите его и замените его с португальским игроком средней линии!!”

“What did…?”

“He’s intimating he thinks Merlin Siriwong should be hauled off and replaced by Jamie González.”

“Ahh… The cultural harmony of football. I’d better be going, anyway…”

“Yeah. G’night, Jack. Watch yourself.”

Hernández stayed and sipped his orange juice, feeling slightly less than manly sitting a couple of metres from the mass of huge, hard-drinking Squonshelans. Then, when he was sure Jack De Berlanger had left, he gave the table a good hard kick.

“Oi!”

“It’s very useful you being invisible and all, Llewellyn, but you couldn’t try being quiet as well, could you?

“I did my best, I tells you!”

“You cheered the Bettia goal!”

“Bloody good goal though, butt? Can’t believe we’re losing, I can’t…”

“Look, whatever, I –”

“I reckon you should take that Merlin Siriwong off, isn’t it? Bring on that young González.”

“Would you shut up about the football a moment… Look, De Berlanger – he’s telling the truth, isn’t i… um… We’ve got nothing to fear from Melbourne, have we?”

“He’s no worse than you, if that’s what yous meaning…”

“Don’t push it, mate, or I’ll be banishing your arse all the way back to Gabalfa.”

“He is hiding something,” the bwca volunteered. “His legs were danglin’ all wrong, see? I likes watchin’ legs, I dos.”

Hernández nodded sagely, and slid a gently curdling bowl of cream under the table. Later, Merlin Siriwong was substituted for Jamie González, who promptly scored the third goal to put the Big Blues within five points of the World Cup. The former minister, a number of C&M supporters, several Squornshelans and a bwca (and, a little later on, two leprechauns and a Martian) drunkenly danced the night away in celebration.

World Cup Qualification - Group 1
MD1: vs Sel Appa (2-0)
MD2: @ Icy Cold Death Touch (0-0)
MD3: vs Kiryu-shi (3-1)
MD4: @ Ixania (2-1)
MD5: -bye-
MD6: vs Jeruselem (0-3)
MD7: @ The Archregimancy (1-1)
MQ: ---
MD8: @ Sel Appa (3-2)
MD9: vs Icy Cold Death Touch (2-2)
MD10: @ Kiryu-shi (1-0)
MD11: vs Ixania (2-1)
MD12: -bye-
MD13: @ Jeruselem
MD14: vs The Archregimancy
PQ: vs The Holy Empire (@ TBD)

«E tu che se' costì, anima viva,
pàrtiti da cotesti che son morti».
Ma poi che vide ch'io non mi partiva,

disse: «Per altra via, per altri porti
verrai a piaggia, non qui, per passare:
più lieve legno convien che ti porti».

E 'l duca lui: «Caron, non ti crucciare:
vuolsi così colà dove si puote
ciò che si vuole, e più non dimandare».


There was really a great crisis coming upon the people of World Cup Qualification 42. Reality was tearing into several folds, and it was necessary to repair these folds before what was real became a maelstrom of alternating time sequences that made absolutely no sense. The College of Cardinals convened, whereupon Pope HONORIFICABILITUDINITATIBUS called to order the matter of the tearing realities. "Okay, so we've got on hand is a real crisis of reality. It apparently began with Mother Theresia Iesu scoring that goal by a miracle of God. And it has now digressed into fictitious accounts of an alternate reality of rabbits and a wall in China. And now reports from some dejected Orthodox schismatic Hell of Tynelia have proof that an alternate reality is occuring simultaneously to this era. How did it come to this?"

"Well, we think it all began when some idiot wrote a book on the Question to Life, the Universe, and Everything."

"What was his answer?"

"42."

"Alright... what was the question?"

"We don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know what the Question to Life, the Universe, and Everything is?"

"Well, it's not like he actually described the question. Besides, his book is an absolute travesty of pure Catholic doctrine and was burned at the stake a long time ago."

"The author?"

"No, the book. Salted and thoroughly chewed by ravenous rabbits too."

"What is going on with these rabbits?"

"I don't know. It seemed a better alternative to a horde of cackling cats."

The Pope sighed. "Well, so we have this pagan prophecy of the number 42."

"We're not sure if it is a prophecy. It could be as simple as 'what is the product of 6 and 7', although the book did mention something about 6 and 9."

"The book was thoroughly salt and chewed, yet you can recall something like that?"

"Well, I have an indelible memory. Unfortunately, I never read the book either."

"Okay. So we've got 42..."

"Holy Father! I have a rational explanation for this crisis!"

"What is the rational explantion, Cardinal Adolphus?"

"It's the Jews! The Jewbees of Jeruselem have altered course of alternate history. In fact, among their ranks is an ancient demon god of the Greeks who plagues the dreams of glutinous women and adulterous men. This demon is even among them today, who parades in her lavish lifestyle and lustful attitudes. She bears with the Jews several demon children - theives, adulterers, and murderers! And they continue to degenerate the right and true Catholic Community of Jeruselem by their very existence. But this demigod has powers beyond even human comprehension, to travel between the worlds and mix alternate realities and stir trouble among. And this demigod has conspired with Satan to bring about the Apocalypse and the End of all Christendom by mixing and warping these realities."

"Cardinal Adolphus, do you have any proof of this?"

"No. But I can write a really good book about it, and people would believe me."

"Okay, anyone else have any ideas?" Things were getting well out of hand. Only God knew why Cardinal Adolphus was still a Catholic and even a Cardinal. And meanwhile, he could only imagine what was going to happen next...

"Holy Father, faithful Catholics of Tutustan have reported being scalded by weapons of mass destruction!"

"What?" The Pope was now confused. "Tutustan has been destroyed for several years now."

"Well, we have just gotten new reports saying that they're being assaulted by a great rain of chili dogs coated with hot mustard and melted cheese."

Another Cardinal takes a gander at the message. "First of all, the words here are not 'chili dogs coated with hot mustard and melted cheese' but rather 'chili dogs and hot ketchup with melted custard pie'. Second of all, this message is over 40 years old. I remember when they had the Great Food War. Tutustan called for help from the Catholic Church against the Islamic infidels of Tutuland. This pre-dates the nuclear apocalypse of Tutustan..."

With the very mention of the word "apocalypse", the College of Cardinals turned into a panicked frenzy. That lasted for about 30 seconds before Father Thomas de Turrecremata came into the Hall. "Rejoice, Fathers of the Holy Roman Catholic Church, for the Most Holy Representative Football Team of Magna Sancta Sedes has vanquished the foes from Ixania!"

The Pope completely ignored what Father Thomas said. "First of all, that door's supposed to be locked. Second, we're dealing with a greater crisis than football."

"What's the crisis?"

"Reality is warping, and we're uncertain of the cause."

"Oh, I can tell you that."

"What is it?"

"It's the damned schismatics of the Dreamed Realm. Their portals had a kink in it. It happened the day we went to the Dreamed Realm. Come to think of it, I think it had something to do with that bull of excommunication, because soon after we got on the portal, the two coaches of the Holy Empire started to speak in blubbers."

"Wait a minute - didn't those two characters started blubbering after the match."

"No, it was before the match! It was right after the Unholy Synod delivered that damned message to the Ordinary Realm."

"PEACE!" The Pope was up to his neck in a pool full of conjecture. "Okay, so it seems that we've narrowed the cause to the Dreamed Realm."

"I still swear that the bimbos of Jeruselem are responsible! They came from the Dreamed Realm, you know!"

"Cardinal Adolphus, another word and we're giving you the boot..."

"Actually, now that he mentions it, this author also came from the Dreamed Realm."

The Pope was now confused - again. "Which author?"

"That one who wrote the book that was burned at the stake and salted thoroughly before being eaten by a harem of rabbits."

"The author?"

"No, the book!"

"Okay, what about the book?"

"The book was about the Answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything, and he said the answer was 42!"

"Wait, this is getting confused. The answer is 42? What was the question?"

"We don't know."

"Okay, so there's this prophecy..."

"It's not a prophecy! It's a question!" The Cardinal paused before mindfully adding, "Holy Father."

"So, it's a question that's coming from the Dreamed Realm that's causing all of this chaos to happen?"

"We don't know if it's the question, but it's definitely something coming from the interactions between the Dreamed Realm and the Ordinary Realm. And as the Holy Empire is one of those teams that participated in the first World Cup, we suspect now that the answer lies in the Holy Empire."

"But you just said the answer was 42."

"Well... nevermind. We've got to investigate this matter further."

"Amen to that! We will reconvene when we have more information." The Pope banged his gavel and let loose an echoing sigh simultaneously with the other cardinals, that it was heard around the world. And people around the world that were aware to its presence began to panic. At least we think they did...

The Grey Frog was one of the less reputable establishments in Bellstead. It was therefore a popular haunt for journalists. And happened to be close enough to the FA headquarters to get the odd quote from a player had up for disciplinary problems.

It just so happened that Norman Hacker was being charged (again) for disrespecting officials, following Maitland's defeat at Molton. And it just so happened that following that the committee was also due to look at Young Pip's report.

And of course Young Pip was paying his first visit to Bellstead for quite a while, and his very first to the FA's headquarters.

And he was lost.

Where could he get directions, he thought. Why, a public house. A kind ruddy-cheeked mine host would happily indicate the location of York Gate and the WFA offices. Why, the Grey Frog would do nicely.

Young Pip walked in and quickly ducked. "Oi! Watch the arrers!!!"

Pip gulped. "Er, would it not be a better idea to move the dartboard away from the entrance?"

The bearded hack growled. "It's not the time for someone to come in, is it? You're not one of us."

"Er, I don't know. What are you?"

"Hugo Snodry, ace reporter for the Clarion. And you're getting in the way of my checkout. I need double 8."

"Oh, sorry."

Snodry got the eights on his second go. "That's better. I'll let you buy me a drink. Scotch and brown. Then you can extradite yourself from the premises before the Slasher gets you."

"Oh, sorry...er...I'll be off then, I was just hoping someone could tell me where York Gate is."

Snodry sneered. "Oh really? And what would a young squit like you want with York Gate?"

"I have something to present to the WFA. Something interesting."

"Oh yes? Sales pitch for computers?"

"No, some comments on the lack of interest in Wentland football. I think there's something wrong with the World Cup."

"Wrong?"

"Yes, I can't really go into detail, I must get there..."

Snodry fished out a business card. "Tell you what, son, if they're not interested give me a tinkle. I might be interested meself. And I'll get you a scotch and brown instead. I'll even shout you the taxi. Although given the 3-2 win last week I'd be amazed if there's not a full house this Saturday."

It was a dream, or at least they thought it was a dream. The entirety of the nation had been knocked out as they shimmering of the sky passed over them, leaving the populace confused and dazed. When they were allowed to gather their bearings, each and every soul found that nothing had changed, nor had they been harmed in any way apart from their time being knocked out. So then why whatever force had caused the shimmer, felt the need to have them subdued. There was no appearant transition or any sort of magical transformation, nothing that would require the citizens to be unconcious. Drani, attempting to figure out if anyone else had any information to the cause of the magical attack, turned on the radio.

"We have reports of another Marauders victory, but as many of you listening in are attempting to find out, nothing to report about the mysterious shimmering of the sky, and the subsequent knocking out of the populace. The High Priestess is scheduled to speak with the Great Leader later in the evening, but it is not known if the young woman has any insight into the phenonmnon.

In a strange twist, there seems to be a barrier around the perimeter of the nation, as well as interference in radio and satelite tranmissions leaving or entering the country. Unlike with the mysterious cloud that preceded the Tides of Darkness, there is nothing stopping people from passing through the barrier. Nor are there any reports of any attacks, just that everyone suddenly passed out upon the shimmer, or whatever that was, occured above them. Stay tuned to 133.7 EM, the Eternal Channel, for further updates as the story unfolds."

World Cup Qualification - Group 5
MD1: vs Gerainia (3-1) (@ Gwangdong Imperial Sports Complex and Stadium, Gwangju)
MD2: @ Ad'ihan (1-2) (@ Protectorate Stadium, Ad'ihan)
MD3: vs Universitus University (3-1) (@ King Kim Iljei Memorial Football Stadium, Malnira)
MD4: @ kenavt (4-1) (@ Granderson Stadium)
MD5: vs Lingdinis Insania (3-0) (@ Sanhaemun Football Stadium, Jinhwangdo)
M6: @ Kura-Pelland (0-3)
MD7: -bye-
MQ: vs Taeshan (1-0) (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD8: @ Gerainia (2-0)
MD9: vs Ad'ihan (1-1) (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD10: @ Universitus University (1-0)
MD11: vs kenavt (@ Goguryeo Football Stadium, Hanseong) (2-1)
MD12: @ Lingdinis Insania
MD13: vs Kura-Pelland (@ Cha Beomgeun Memorial Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD14: -bye-
PQ: TBD


Jeong Mongjun - Chairman of the Imperial Football Association - was having a headache over everything that was coming his way. The matches would be pushed up by several hours, which meant that the players would have to haul %$#^ to get to Lingdinis Insania on time. They also had reports that people heard a deep and bellowing sigh that sounded like ghostly figures, so the IFA was somehow involved in numerous exorcist cases. But now this... "Are you sure that this hasn't been published?"

"Well, if not now, then very soon it will be."

"This report is completely false."

"Well, it's some wacko's idea. I'm not sure who said it, but it's going to catch on like wildfire, and it's going to make a lot of people angry, especially the Buddhists."

"Well, we don't have any way to disprove it either. I mean, it is kind of suspicious."

"Well, I guess we're going to have to reply to the claims."

"But what if people don't believe it anyway?"

"We'll have to make that risk."

"But I mean, they have extensive proof that Han coffers have been bribing officials, and while we're not Han coffers, it's certainly going to get our blame upon it."

"And we can't say we don't have any proof as proof that we don't have any proof, ironically. Because they have the proof... so we'll have to disprove their proof as false." But the Count was still thinking. "What if we photoshopped their proof?"

"But then everyone would know it was photoshopped!"

"But I mean, they obviously had to forge their proof. So if we forge their proof, it'll draw criticism upon them for forging their own proof! See?"

The staffer was confused - as is the case with most of the people who read this. "We'll forge their document and submit as the real deal, but then they'll draw criticism for photoshopping it? I don't get it."

"It's brilliant! I can't believe that I didn't get this before!" Jeong rushed out the office before the staffer could tell Jeong that he still thought it was a bad idea.

Demot Daily ~ Keep It Going

That is all the Dynamo need to do in order to book their spot in the Cup Proper, as another win should be enough to clinch qualification. The strike force of Roma, Flintus, and Rotherwell has been firing on all cylinders, and this looks to be one of the strongest squads since Masteron, Ysman, and Black were directing the Demotian attack.

When we previewed this group, we talked about how this might be a new era of Demot football, and this seems to be true as the qualifiers have been notabely absent of any troubles that usually plague the side in this stage. In its' stead has been a very consistent and dangerous attack that has only been stymied by the current best team in the world, Valanora. All of this qualifying success, coupled by the rising power of the domestic scene, points to the transition of eras in Demot's footballing power. While we intially surprised and surpassed many expectactions, followed by some very poor outings the last three tournaments, now it seems we could cement ourselves as an elite nation in the footballing world.

Yet the football world is the blade, and we are all walking on it very precuriously. So what must be done is that this side must continue this stride of success all the way into the Cup Proper. We can no longer be satisfied with merely making the tournament routinely, we must now make noise. If we do that, then this might be the golden era of Demotian football.

Article by Rich Baker

RP Cutoff for Matchday 12, presented by Bouff'tout: permitting State Secrets to stay as secret as our secret recipe since... 1093?

Rogue: What's up coach?
Alfredo: Great job girl.
Rogue: Really?
Alfredo: You know who the Purple Menace are?

Rogue: The world champs?
Alfredo: Yes, a one all draw with the world champs is a great thing for us anyway.
Rogue: It was hard work.
Alfredo: But it's hard work which makes a team great.

Rogue: But aren't we the laziest team in Jeruselem?
Alfredo: No, not quite but we aren't exactly the hardest working either.
Rogue: Can we get better?
Alfredo: Yes, if you lot stop slacking during games.

Rogue: Am I a slacker?
Alfredo: Yes
Rogue: So that's why you shout at me so much?
Alfredo: Precisely!

Rogue: Was Sadie a slacker?
Alfredo: Not really, she was just daft. A bit hard to get stuff into her hard but she was trying.
Rogue: Can I be good?
Alfredo: Work harder girl.

Rogue: But I come a family of slackers.
Alfredo: Well, it's time to stop that. Want to rich and famous? Work hard!
Rogue: But but ... Dazza Dallas made it big!
Alfredo: She isn't actually lazy. She's Jeruselem's hard working whore. Those Dallas girls might look lazy but they aren't a lazy lot.

Rogue: But they have so much spare time to be lazy!
Alfredo: They make time to be lazy. They work really hard to play hard.
Rogue: I get it.
Alfredo: You too can do the same.

Rogue: I'm never going to be rich and famous.
Alfredo: But do want to be poor and stupid?
Rogue: NO!
Alfredo: Look at Dazza, you think she's really stupid?

Rogue: NO, she's smart. I want to be smart too!
Alfredo: So, what you do you girl?
Rogue: Work hard at being smart!
Alfredo: Good, that's what I want to hear. So you think Sadie stupid too?

Rogue: No, she's smarter than me too.
Alfredo: Although not by much.
Rogue: I understand, I have to use my brains! Err, the little I have.
Alfredo: Use or lose it.

Rogue: Are my boobs too big?
Alfredo: Yes, and no.
Rogue: I'm confused ...
Alfredo: They are too big but don't go changing them. It's your only other asset.

Jeruselem Government News

Dopey Dallas in hospital

Former World Cup midfielder Hikfie Dallas, otherwise known as Dopey Dallas was rushed to hospital in Bostopia. Married to former Bostopia keeper Peter Jeffers, Hifkie lives in Bostopia and has two kids. She's also an auntie of the current dope in the current team Celina Sadie Dallas.

The accident prone Hikfie was hit by a car while crossing the road. When asked about her injuries, a doctor said
"She's definitely for a broken leg and maybe a broken hip. We can't seem to detect any brain damage as yet but it's hard to tell with someone like Hikfie. We are doing our best and hopefully Hikfie can recover. She's in good spirits but then with her IQ, she doesn't any know better anyway."

Jane Darian of the Jeruselem World Cup 42 team said
"The team are worried about her. We'll dedicate our efforts for her in the next game. She might be the smartest person around but she's done a lot of service for Jeruselem. We pray for Hikfie and her family. The team are thinking about her. She's always running into things and cars aren't something which want to run into."

The accident is a blow to the Jeruselem Futsal team with Hikfie in midfield. Futsal team Captain - Princess Marie-Antoinette Dallas said
"It's a big thing. We may have to draft in a replacement like Kara Kool. We think it's a big loss but we have plenty of options. There's plenty of retired World Cup players who are still fit and strong. I think Kara is good replacement for Dopey. She's also a leader and someone who isn't afraid of a challenge."

Greal 1–1 Land de Wood

An early kick off in Greal caught Land de Wood by surprise, having only arrived at the stadium moments before the orgaisers official gave the referee the signal for kick off, they hastily took to the field as Greal took kick off. Patrick Clemence was still running across to take his place in goal, as Greal's striker launched a shot from the half way that found its way straight into the open net. one nil down and the game has barely begun.

The Woodpeckers hadn't had time to even warm up properly and so took their time finding their rhythm. They failed to make any real attacks and the half ended with them still a goal behind.

The second half started and Kevin Wallace made a good run down the left, crossing it in for Gary Hoggins to head goal ward, his header was parried straight into the pathway of Richard Higgins who knocked in an easy goal.

Land de Wood piled on the pressure knowing that only a win would give them a remote chance of qualifying, but could find no way past a Greal team set on defending the point they had gained as they continue to seek to finish above Arroza.

The game ends in a 1-1 draw.

Andrew Wood was obviously unhappy with the early kick off:
"We would have had 3 points if it wasn't for that early goal, how were we meant to know that the game was going to kick of 2 hours earlier than normal"

However, despite his complaints he was forced to admit that the organising official has the right to order an early kick off if he sees fit, and given that Land de Wood had the day off, they did have plenty of time to get themselves to the stadium in good time.

So the dream of qualifying is over, but there is still all important ranking points up for grabs.

---Ile de Nouveau Bostopie, somewhere---

Dear Log,

Today is a special day, it is the birthday of the Great Ben O’Bagels. It is always a special day in Sorthern Northland and so to celebreate on this island I have escaped from the trench and kidnapped a Han solider. Have that you bastaeds! TO cwelebrate I have also raided Dr. Bostontiens beer cabinet so this entrey may have a spelling mistake or two. Bostinston also claims I know not what real grenades are. The fool! What does he think my exploding pork scratchings are if they aren’t real grenades? He will pay for this I tell you! Some day I will write him and angry letter and curse at the rotter. Bostinston also says he hasn’t got a computer and isn’t playing Football Gaffer 1093, but I think he just doesn’t want me to play it. He’s mean like that.

Anyway the Hans are still attacking, they just don’t give up these people. They think the Mujanaboogu or whatever on the island. Even if they are, so what? What have they ever done that’s so bad. In fact the Hans are really starting to piss me off. I think I’m going to have a few more drinks to celebrate Ben O’Bagels birthday and the Sorthern new year and then shout angry words at the Han invaders.

Llanura Hoy! (Now translated into English and Spanish!) > Web > Sports > Soccer > Current News

Ministry of Sport drastically cuts funding for Soccer.

With World Bowl 3 coming to Atalanta, and the incipient costs of building a new 60,000 plus seat stadium, the Ministry of Sport declared today that in order to balance the department’s budget that Soccer funding will be drastically slashed. The cuts, meant to pare the soccer budget to around fifteen percent of its current funding, should result in a drastic period of hardship for the international team, which is struggling to find its place in the international game.

The cuts will be drastic and far-reaching, with the first noticeable effect being that Arroza will not send a team to the Cup of Harmony, now that the Tar Hornets have been eliminated from moving into the World Cup proper. Other major cuts will be made, first being that after the fulfillment of the current contract and the last game vs. Nuevos Aires at The Hive, the team will no longer be allowed to use the larger stadium, and will be forced to use Government Park for their home games. Also, players who play for international sides will no longer be flown to and from Arroza on the Department’s tab. The refusal to pay for travel is causing some issues as some players will probably refuse to fly to games out of pocket.

When asked about the cut to the budget, Ministry Spokesman Caron Newheise said, “It’s been shown through the attendances at the games and the viewing on the Sportsnets that soccer is somewhere where we are not getting nearly the return for investment that we get in any other sport. In football we’ve made a name for ourselves internationally, and gotten to host prestigious tournaments, in Basketball our nation has gotten into the top 8 with a team of street ballers, but in Soccer we might be in the top 70 nations, and with the amount of money we spend on the sport, that is not acceptable.”

Other changes are rumored to include the complete ending of friendlies being played both here and abroad, the firing of all assistant coaches, and the ending of all money for training and other funds.

Llanura Hoy! The paper that goes where the mainstream media won’t.

Jeruselem Government News

Catholic Ho-Down Looming!

World Cup 42 match day 12. Next is match day 13! That's a funny number - we'll explain later.

Jeruselem travelled to Ixania are have been eliminated like most of Group 1 except for 3 teams. Jeruselem didn't really play that well and scraped home 2-1. Still for the Princesses, it was 3 more points and three needed points in grand scheme of things. Maybe it was the fact Dopey Dallas was stuck down by a car but Jeruselem wasn't quite themselves. Despite playing a more quiet game, Jeruselem cruised to a 2-1 win which left them at top of the table again. The goal difference for Jeruselem was also further increased which will feature should be need it.

Magna Sancta Sedes had their bye and had to watch the other teams at play.

The Monks choked again - only managing to draw with Kiryu-Shi 2 ALL on a day which they could have made 2nd spot more secure. For Jeruselem, the Monks draw was a God-send! For the Saints, it was also a God-send too. They needed a win but it was not to be so the Monks are locked in combat with the Saints still.

Sel Appa won! Too little, too late with a win against Icy Cold Death Touch 1-0. So the game had little consequence for most concerned anyway. Still, it's a win. The third for Sel Appa. They will not make the finals.

OK, Jeruselem play the saints at Dazza Dallas stadium. This game is HUGE. In short, if Jeruselem win or draw - the Princesses look safe to finish in the top 2. It is the Saints who need to win, only a win will do. With Sel Appa beating Jeruselem at home, the Saints have hope but Jeruselem's home record is overall quite good. Dazza Dallas stadium is still a place not for the weak and with the home crowd, the Saints need to be at their best.

Jeruselem have a last game bye meaning this game must count. If we just draw, the Saints cannot make the top 2. Jeruselem have a 4 point buffer over the Monks and Saints. A Jeruselem win would give us top spot even if the others win last game. The Monks want us to win but help them take a top 2 spot too - since it keeps the Saints away from them on the table.

Icy Cold Death Touch 0–1 Sel Appa
Ixania 1–2 Jeruselem
Kiryu-Shi 2–2 The Archregimancy


Group 1 P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Jeruselem 11 8 1 2 27 12 +15 25 P
2 The Archregimancy 10 6 3 1 21 12 +9 21 P
3 Magna Sancta Sedes 10 6 3 1 16 11 +5 21 P
4 Kiryu-Shi 10 4 1 5 17 19 −2 13 E
5 Sel Appa 10 3 2 5 15 15 0 11 E
6 Icy Cold Death Touch 11 2 2 7 13 22 −9 8 E
7 Ixania 10 1 0 9 9 27 −18 3 E



Group 12 - Jeru FC are clinging to 3rd spot despite drawing with lowly Europa Brittania 1 ALL. The Purple Menace destroyed KaMaRi 5-1 to help Jeru FC stay in 3rd spot but 2nd spot for Jeruselem is fast disappearing since Vephrall disposed of Glaycia 3-0. Jeru FC need to hope and pray the 2 point gap is enough but they play Vephrall next. Jeru FC need a draw against Vephrall and a last up win. KaMaRi can only hope to steal Jeru FC's play-off spot.

Starblaydia 5–1 KaMaRi
Vephrall 3–0 Glaycia
Europa Brittania 1–1 Jeru FC


Group 12 P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Starblaydia 11 8 3 0 30 10 +20 27 Q
2 Vephrall 10 7 1 2 34 10 +24 22 P
3 Jeru FC 10 4 4 2 14 14 0 16
4 KaMaRi 10 4 2 4 16 13 +3 14 X
5 Glaycia 11 2 4 5 9 13 −4 10 E
6 Cauci 10 2 1 7 9 28 −19 7 E
7 Europa Brittania 10 1 1 8 6 30 −24 4 E

Knights tie Yafor 2 Wolves Again

This is really getting boring again. The Knights tied the Yafor 2 firebugs/Wolves of somesort, I don't remember whatever they choose to call themselves this time around. Anyways it seems the tides are not going the Knights way this qualifying campaign, but before the dawn the night gets very dark some say, and dawn better be really close for the Knights.

Lets just put it this way the Knights are not doing well. Brian Ying Uing, and Zeke Jr. were not passing well in last weekens game. They need to get it together or they both could be seing some time off. Ying Uing may be the alltime leader for Taeshani goals, but Zeke(the coach) isn't that worried about yanking him or his son"If they can't play well there out". Yeah right, there is no way.

Well things are somewhat looking up they didn't let the Yaforites score against them just like the Kosens earlier in the campaign. But anyways next the Knights face Solenial a team they beat earlier 4-0 at home. And then in the final match of the year th Knights take on Kose and the Turkomans most likely for a spot in the playoffs.

THE ROCKET REPORT

GIMME FIVE! ROCKETS ROUT KANSIOV


Putnam Lake, Newmanistan- We’ve been quietly hoping for a game like this. A game in which everything went right for the Rockets en route to a large victory. There was no looking ahead to the critical game in Az-cz next week as today Newmanistan focused all of their attention on Kansiov, and registered the largest win in Newmanistanian qualifying history, a 5-nil win. Perhaps the Kansiov players took too much time enjoying the great life of the Putnam Lake beaches given it is such a change from the situation in their homeland. Or maybe it was just a case of everything coming together, led by Jeremy McAllister who wasn’t about to allow his team to falter on his turf. With the win, and some Sorthern Northland help against Az-cz, Newmanistan sits in 3rd place in group 6, two points ahead of Az-Cz. They are four points behind 2nd place Jasi-yun but do have a game in hand on them, and they do close out their group play with a road game in Sorthern Northland. In fact a win over Az-cz would clinch the playoff, at minimum, for us, but enough about that for now. Tonight was all about taking it to Kansiov.

One doesn’t know what will happen to these players from Kansiov if their government doesn’t come back to power, and they seemed to be a lot less energized this time around. Partly because they have long since been eliminated, but also because they don’t have much to look forward to after things are over. Brian Carson did not initially intend for the Rockets to come out aggressively, but after watching the first seven or eight minutes, it was clear that his team were a step quicker in every aspect of the game. Sensing it, he signaled for the team to get aggressive, and it didn’t take long. In the 10th minute, what looked to be an innocent shot from Alex Parnett from about 25 yards out found the back of the net to put the Empire in front. Six minutes later, Jeremy McAllister made it 2-nil, following up the rebound of a Julie McElroy shot. Julie made most of the play happen with good ball control skills, but her shot was stopped by the keeper, but not held. J-Mac pounced on the rebound and lifted it right underneath the crossbar to put Newmanistan up by two. The crowd was going crazy, and the message seemed to be delivered that this was going to be a good day. After the McAllister goal, Kansiov played a little better in their back end, and made some defensive plays. They struggled to get any offense going, and around the 30 minute mark the game kind of hit a rut, slowing down to a lot of midfield play until the first half came to an end.

During intermission, the team was content with the lead but felt as though they could get more. Their opponent was simply not with it tonight, and the team began to feel that they could get a nice result here that could help out their goal differential. Carson was a little cautious about playing for that, since it was exactly that which turned a one-nil lead and early domination against East Ying to a one-one halftime score because of just one slip up. He told the team to go for it, but he would transition into a more defensive approach if the execution did not look good.

There was nothing wrong with the execution, and right away the Rockets put pressure on the Kansiov keeper, forcing him to have to make a great save in as early as the 47th minute. Kansiov, hoping to see a more defensive Newmanistan team was frustrated, and could not hold the Rockets off much longer. In the 51st minute, Jeremy McAllister picked up his second of the game, off a cross from Steve Boland, who did a great job tonight in his first official start. That made it 3–nil, and they just kept on coming. In the 57th minute, they would score again, this time it would be Shawn Drummond sneaking a shot to the right of the keeper. It was a shot that should have been saved in most cases, but not this time. With the Rockets up by four, the stadium at Putnam Lake was rocking. There would be no slip up today. Some were worried about that, you know, with the game in Az-Cz looming on the schedule, but not tonight. Those trouble games which have so haunted the Empire in the previous two Cup qualifications so far have been handled, with this eventual victory making Newmanistan 5-for-5 in such games. We were just playing off the remaining time at this point, and between the 70th and 75th minute, Carson substituted off Drummond, McElroy, and Brooker, mainly so each get here a deserving ovation from the crowd. He thought about subbing off McAllister, but he had two goals, and wanted him to have a chance at finishing off a hat trick. Brett Carlson and Shawn Morton got time, as did Kevin Lewis, his first appearance of the tournament. In the late stages, the speed of Carlson was too much for the Kansiov defenders, and after sending a shot wide in the 80th minute, and would score his second of the tournament in the 83rd to make it 5-nil. McAllister didn’t get the hat trick, but you can credit him with an assist on that goal. The final whistle would eventually sound, and Newmanistan would get a big win. They’ve now improved to 6-0-4 within the group.


Here is some post game reaction:

Carson: “We may have made a bit of a statement with this win, even though right now you can tell Kansiov is a team in disarray and I really feel sorry for what they have to go through. We were terrific in all aspects, and I think if we play like this in Az-Cz, then we can get ourselves a victory there.”

Hennis: “Well, it wasn’t really a difficult game for me as I think I only made about 3 saves (he was officially credited with four), but it’s always an accomplishment to get a clean sheet at this level.”

Brooker: “After this win, we’re showing that we are a legitimate threat to advance. Who knows if we will or not, but at this point four years ago we were long since eliminated. I want to go with my teammates to Cafundeu so badly, even though Septentrionia would certainly work for me too. We can sense it. We’re looking at second too, not just third.”

Boland (on his first start after being a sub/reserve on WC 40 & 41 rosters): They say patience pays off. You know I just kept working hard and doing what it took and never got discouraged by the fact that I was not being named as a starter and that I wasn’t getting a lot of playing time. I have this great opportunity right now, and while I feel for Chris Peterson and hate how it came about, I am going to make the most of it. It was awesome to play 90 minutes of football today.”

McAllister: “This was sweet. Great things can happen in Putnam Lake, you see that! (Pauses) Well, we’ll enjoy this for a night but we got much more work to do, and we can’t waste anytime getting ready for our game in Az-cz.”

QBC WORLD CUP 42 COVERAGE

"Hello all, I'm Beck Davidham, a 4-1 win at New Zomboria, and not much to report, other than the reserves got playing time. Up next is the qualifying finale against Kannone. Just look at the victory:"

Minute 5:
"A rather sparse crowd here in New Zomboria, as there seems to be less than 6,000 fans here, and GOOOOOAL 1-0 Qazox, as Charles Marquis scored and the fans are going crazy as it seems 5,999 of them are Pheonix fans."

Minute 21:
"Just over 20 minutes in and Qazox is just rally sticking it to New Zomboria, and GOOOOOAAAAL. Its now 2-0 Qazox as Raul de Olivares scores! The Pheonix are running away with the match and its kinda sad."


Minute 37:
"GOOOOOOOAL, again. this time off the foot of Yolanda Christian and its now 3-0 Qazox, and there's still almost 10 minutes until the half.

Minute 71:
"And GOOOOOOALLL. 4-0 Qazox as Jason Erca scores and the lone New Zomboria fan has left, leaving the remaining 5,999 fans all for the Pheonix."


Minute 90+1:
"New Zomboria's forward has just scored and the shutout is gone for David Cooksey, but in his defense, this was the first time that he's even been near the ball all game and he looked like he just woke up from a nap."


"As mentioned before, the finale vs. Kannone is up next. But let's take a look at other teams that have qualified today: Wentland, Kura-Pelland, Daehanjeiguk and the defending champions Starblaydia."


QAZOX Goals:
Valladores: 7
Jaus: 7 (2 PK)
Tarricone: 4
de Olivares: 4
Cruz-Preli: 3 (1 PK)
Spingler: 2
Marquis: 3
Erca: 2
Christian: 2
St. Louis: 1

Hamburger Hill Herald

We're in the playoffs, at least, as Land de Wood drew with Greal, before we even kicked off the match, earning the Zombies the 3rd spot in the group. After giving up a goal in the 1st minute, due to Dr. Mkembe's celebration and the Zombies devouring of a few Nuevos Aires fans, the zombiue stormed back and won 3-1. Zombie Ronaldo, Zombie Lothar Matthäus, and Zombie Diego Maradona each scored today. The final match is agaisnt Bostopia at home, and with nothing for either team to play for, perhaps an upset is in order.

Schedule:
vs. Arroza WIN 3-0 (1-0-0 record)
@ Land de Wood WIN 3-0 (2-0-0 record)
vs. Greal WIN 2-0 (3-0-0 record)
@ Bazalonia Lose 1-3 (3-0-1 record)
vs. Nuevos Aires W 5-0 (4-0-1 record)
@ Bostopia Lose 0-5 (4-0-2 record)
BYE
@ Arroza DRAW 2-2 (4-1-2 record)
vs. Land de Wood DRAW 2-2 (4-2-2 record)
@ Greal WIN 2-0 (5-2-2 record)
vs. Bazalonia Lose 1-3 (5-2-3 record)
@ Nuevos Aires WIN 3-1 (6-2-3 record) clinched playoff berth.
vs. Bostopia
BYE

Prux' Goals:
Zombie Pelé: 6
Zombie Zinedine Zidane (aka Triple Z): 4
Zombie Just Fontaine: 3
Dr. Mkembe: 3
Zombie Ronaldo: 3
Zombie Lothar Matthäus: 3
Zombie Diego Maradona: 2

Dancougar News!!
Nyan nyan, nyan nyan, nihao nyan... gorgeous, delicious, deculture!

Dancougar 3 v 0 Spazican States (FT): The Wings made it four wins in a row at home against the Spazicans States, who were dispatched 3-0 with goals from Dan Potts, Benjamin Whittaker, and Kazuki Midorikawa. The Wings were dominant from the start and looked completely at ease against their opponents, which stood in contrast to the tense affair with Milchama. More importantly, the win vaulted them into second in the group after Nire and Nire drew Cypron 0-0.

The Wings started off with a bang when Potts found the net only four minutes after the opening whistle. The Spazicans ceded a free kick thirty five yards from goal, which Lyle Dylandy elected to take. He fired a long ball into the box, and Potts twisted in midair to get a head to it. The Spazican defense was caught asleep and the Potts bounced it off the post to make it 1-0, much to the crowd's delight. "Lyle just put it up top and it was a great ball; I aimed as far to the side as I could since I didn't know where the 'keeper was," said Potts.

It was nearly two just minutes later when captain Jericho Leyton hit the post with a 20-yard strike that bent sharply away the diving 'keeper. Shishio Jinguuji also had an effort saved in the 15th minute, as the Wings recorded the first seven shots of the game. The Spazicans were on their back heels for the first half hour and eventually managed to build some possession. Their first shot came in the 33rd, and it was snagged by Watanabe. Just before halftime, the Wings got what was surely the insurance goal. Jinguuji attempted a shot at the top of the box that was deflected wide. Whittaker had a run up and blasted it on goal. It went through everyone and made the score 2-0.

The Wings slowed down the pace in the second half, but still had three shots before the Spazicans got their next look at goal. It also turned out to be their best chance of the game. Casey Berber was booked for a rough tackle 25 yards from goal, meaning he would miss the Linpada match. The resulting free kick was curled into the box and headed down on goal. Watanabe was beaten, but Milan van der Horst was on the line to clear it away. Five minutes later, the Spazicans got another shot at goal that hit the ground just as it reached Watanabe, but he smothered it before it could do anything funny.

Kazuki Midorikawa was a straight swap in the 80th minute for Leyton, and the substitute midfielder was to open his account for qualifiers with a goal in the 86th. The Wings earned a free kick that Dylandy fired into the box. It swung out and was headed at goal by Berber. Before it could get there, Midorikawa popped up to redirect it behind the diving goalkeeper, who frantically tried to change directions in midair. The effect was to make a desperate swipe at the ball as it passed behind him, and the Wings were 3-0 winners.

"It'll be important to maintain this pace if we want to qualify," said DuPont after the game. "Lovisa are not out yet, and we've got some big road games ahead. Rather than dismiss the opponent, we have to recognize that we're playing both them and their fans, which never makes for an easy result."

Dancougar 0 @ 0 Linpada (FT): And boy, did DuPont call that one. The Wings failed to pick up one for the thumb against basement-dwellers Linpada, as they were unable to crack the packed defense of their hosts in a 0-0 draw. That allowed Lovisa to jump into second with their win over Nire and Nire, which Dancougar plays in their next match. It was only the second time the Wings had been shutout in qualifying group play. The other time? Against Nire and Nire.

"Linpada seem to have it out for us," quipped striker Shishio Jinguuji after the game. "They've played us tight in two games now. I didn't feel like I gave any less effort out there tonight, but the result speaks for itself."

We at the Dancougar News had been congratulating ourselves for a cunning strategy of omitting match previews during the second half of qualifiers. We saw no reason not to take full credit for the Wings' return to form, since our refusal to print strategies and news from the training ground obviously kept other teams from finding that all out, because there's absolutely no way that they employ their own scouts or reporters.

What's more, we figured that a wholesale media blackout before the Linpada match, like the one that preceded Cypron, would produce the same effect. It was totally planned and not due to the fact that most of our staff were on holiday or in transit from the next state over. You know, Hazuki. Not something bizarre like Maryland. No sir. We'll replace the fourth wall, now, and get on with it.

It's always tedious trying to write a report on a 0-0 match, because one can never be sure if it's the kind of match that was full of spectacular defense, pitiful finishing, players hoofing the ball in any direction that looked right at the time, or some strange combination of the above. Well, we can say that Dancougar's finishing was poor when it even happened, since the Linpada defense was sealed shut. It seemed like they always had eleven men behind the ball and their few attacks were snuffed out before they advanced too far into the Black Wing end. Yuji Watanabe did not face a single shot.

Sure, Linpada faced several, but the Wings just couldn't find space in which to operate. Long shots were deflected wide or sailed well clear of goal. The few that got through didn't have enough zip to truly test the 'keeper. "We didn't adjust very well and couldn't find a breakthrough anywhere," said Jericho Leyton, who was substituted in the 58th for Kevin Underwood. "Coach tried a few things but they just wouldn't crack."

The Wings are 6-2-2 with two games remaining and sit third in the table. If qualifying ended today, they would be placed in the playoff draw.

DuPont: "We win and we're in.": What will Charles DuPont be thinking when the Wings take the field against Nire and Nire in their next World Cup qualifying match? When asked the question at a press conference earlier today, DuPont just shrugged as if the answer was obvious.

"We have to win," he said. "Nothing less will do."

The Black Wings have two matches remaining - home to Nire and Nire and away to Cypron. Lovisa, which are a point ahead of them in the table, only have one game remaining. Nire and Nire are three points behind Dancougar, so that match will likely determine if Dancougar plays for the automatic spot or the playoff spot against Cypron. For DuPont, the mission is clear - get to the finals as soon as possible and fix the nagging problems that have kept the team from performing at its peak.

"The way I see it, there are six points available to us, which guarantee us the spot if we want it, and play like we want it," said DuPont. "And yes, it's hard to focus on just the next game knowing that. But we have to. Nire and Nire are not going to make things easy because they need this win as badly as we do. Probably more."

The previous match between the two was a 2-0 home win for Nire and Nire.

Potts: "The World Cup is everything.": Forward Dan Potts has gone on the record saying the World Cup is his raison d'être following Port Royal FC's elimination from the TakilQuip Champions' Cup. The team squeaked past Houghton Kestrels of West Zirconia before falling to Parwood City from Kura-Pelland 2-0 on aggregate. He says he was hoping to share the drama of the group stage draw with teammates Grady Saville, Milan van der Horst, and Kazuki Midorikawa. Midorikawa plays for Shuukyuu Kishin, the others for Yuki City Athletic.

"My club means a lot to me, but I'm a bit selfish... I really want a defining international success," said Potts, who leads the team in scoring with five goals in qualifying, six if friendlies are included. "I suppose we might get a shot at the Globe, but I see no reason to look for something even bigger."

Potts has long lobbied for a national team spot. He first featured during Oxen Cup VI as a junior from Mountain View State College, but saw little playing time. He reappeared as many former Dancougar players did when the D-League was announced, and has helped establish Port Royal FC as a top team in the league. It made the group stage of the TakilQuip in its first appearance, but has been two tournaments, now, without returning. He says that being overlooked by the selection committee for World Cup 41 gave him added drive and continues to fuel him.

Officials peg mysterious 'Zero' as coaching candidate: An official within the Dancougar Football Association, speaking under the condition on anonymity, said that the FA was starting to look at coaches to take over for the aging Charles DuPont at the conclusion of the next World Cup or Cup of Harmony. One name which has cropped up isn't even a name, but the man called 'Zero' has gotten results with the various amateur sides he's worked with over the past few years.

"It's hard to deny his contributions even at the lowest levels," said the official. "His teams always seem to win, and many players have gone onto success at the college and semipro level. Let's not forget he discovered and developed Karen Stadler."

A bit of a stretch, really, since she had been a high school standout before Zero went to work. Stadler, who helped Kishin Academy reach the national rankings and spring tournament after playing for Zero in a local amateur league, is seen as Dancougar's answer to foreign star Jennifer Sloan, who plays for Shuukyuu Kishin. She's the first female player to succeed in the college ranks and is expected to be taken in the first round of the D-League Super Draft, even if her production falls off during her senior season. Stadler says she owes much to Zero for making her aware of her own abilities.

"He's able to draw the best out of everyone he coaches," she said.

Part of what makes Zero an attractive candidate, said the official, was that he was not tied down to any existing club responsibilities. "It's difficult to find a full-time coach sometimes, because of existing commitments," he said. He also dismissed repeated claims that Zero has fixed matches. "No evidence has been found for it, and his players continue to succeed even after he's sent them on their way."

Greal World Cup 42 Match 11

Howard Anderson surprised everyone early in the game by scoring a almost easy for Greal. Land de Wood seemed taken by surprise, a tough defense by Greal was only cracked once by Richard Higgins of the other team, managed to prevent another defeat. For the rest of the game, Greal defended hard, and managed to end the game in a draw. John Igor expressed his disappointment about the failure of more goals from Greal. That could have brought them into the playoffs at the very most. Though he said, the new team formation may have prevented defeat. Now, tomorrow, Greal would rest and watch other teams play, then they'll play their final opponent. Bazalonia. There was not much hope of wining that match, but John Igor assures the Greal public, that their last match will see a lot of resistance for Bazalonia to break through.

Schedule

20/8 (wed) - qualifying MD01 @ Nuevos Aires (WIN 1-0)
21/8 (thu) - qualifying MD02 vs Bostopia (LOSS 0-5)
22/8 (fri) - qualifying MD03 @ Prux (LOSS 0-2)
23/8 (sat) - qualifying MD04 vs. Arroza (DRAW 1-1)
24/8 (sun) - qualifying MD05 @ Land de Wood (LOSS 1-3)
25/8 (mon) - qualifying MD06 OFF DAY/BYE (No Matches)
26/8 (tue) - qualifying MD07 vs. Bazalonia (LOSS 1-3)
27/8 (wed) - mid-qualifying friendlies (Caf) (No Matches)
28/8 (thu) - qualifying MD08 vs Nuevos Aires (WIN 3-0)
29/8 (fri) - qualifying MD09 @ Bostopia (LOSS 0-3)
30/8 (sat) - qualifying MD10 vs Prux (LOSS 0-2)
31/8 (sun) - qualifying MD11 @ Arroza (DRAW 1-1)
1/9 (mon) - qualifying MD12 vs Land de Wood (DRAW 1-1)
2/9 (tue) - qualifying MD13 OFF DAY/BYE
3/9 (wed) - qualifying MD14 @ Bazalonia

Automatic qualification hopes out the window with shock loss
Evans' side must win both remaining games

Luke Evans and Ad’ihan's hopes of making the World Cup 42 finals took a major blow today following a shock 2-1 away loss in Jey to Universitus University, a result which, when coupled with Daehanjeiguk's expected 5-1 win over Lingdinis Insania, means the best Ad’ihan can finish in their qualification group is 3rd — a finish that would see Ad’ihan make the playoffs.

Ad’ihan, the second seeds in the group, currently lie a surprise 4th, with 18 points from 10 games — and outside of the playoff spots. If they fail to make it, it would be the first time since they first hosted the cup in World Cup 37 that Ad’ihan have failed to qualify, and only the second time ever since it began participating. Ad’ihan fact kenavt (4-0 away on MD6) at home, followed by Lingdinis Insania (5-0 at home on MD7) away, to round out the campaign, and while both games should be easy victories, it will not guarantee an Ad’ihani finals appearance — and the team are not taking anything for granted.

"We've seen with Universitus — they've done the double on us — that we can't be taking these so-called smaller teams for granted," team captain Anthony Jones told a disgruntled Ad’ihani press corps after the Universitus game. "We've got a game in hand on Universitus, who are only one point ahead of us, so we've got the upper hand.

"Of course, we know that even winning these two upcoming games won't be enough if we don't do well in the playoffs. We really wanted to avoid the playoffs but we've not taken our chances well, like against Kura-Pelland despite Kieran's hat-trick, and it's coming back to haunt us.

"We've only lost two games this campaign, both to Universitus, so there is some positive to take out of this. We now need to focus and go out there and win our next few games."

The irony that both Ad’ihan and Universitus are bidding for the rights to host the Cup of Harmony — the tournament for non-qualifiers — was not lost on Jones. "Yes, I'm aware of that coincidence. I guess I'd rather qualify for the finals than host a Cup of Harmony we're in."

Mark Tupper could finally wholeheartedly put the team through the wringer and he was determined to. "Well, draw here, draw there, and now we've lost. What have you lot got to say for yourselves?" he demanded as the team sat unhappily, stewing in their sweat.

"HEY SISTER, GO SISTER, FLOW SISTER" warbled Rory Smith from the showers.

"Goddamnit, I thought everyone was here. GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE, RED CARD BOY!"

Blissfully unaware of the manager's intent to inflict verbal sodomy, he emerged from the shower pointing at the rest of the team, singing.

"Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir! Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir!"

"Do you know what that means?" asked Vincent Arsenault.

"No."

"Well, considering you're wet and naked, I don't think you want to know."

"ENOUGH!" bellowed Mark Tupper.

THE ROCKET REPORT

CARSON: THE PRESSURE'S ON THEM

Az-Cz- The challenge before the Rockets is not an easy one. They must beat a top 10 team, on the road. If they do, then they will clinch advancement into the playoff and have a very good chance to finish second in the group given that Jasi-yun finishes off their schedule with leader Sorthern Northland in Sorthern Northland. A draw could work. If they were to, they would remain ahead of Az-cz but probably lose their chance to finish second. Afterwards is one of those "scary" games with Liventia, but we must give Brian Carson, Eric Andrews and the team credit for taking care of business in those matches. Because of that, they are in with a chance here tonight. Az-cz is a two time World Cup champion. They have an impressive resume and are not in the top 10 because of luck. They've been beatable, or at least, drawable (for now, it is a word!). They have had a very quiet media over the last two Cups, and one wonders if it is a team beginning to go on the downswing. In World Cup 41 quals, they advanced, but it was not easy. Here, we have a chance of making them the second top 10 team to not qualify for the World Cup. In Group 1, Sel Appa has had a very poor showing and were never in contention from the start.

To discuss this crucial battle, I (Clint Peterson) sat down with the head coach, Brian Carson for another one of our famous interviews.

CP: Good morning, Brian. This is fun isn't it?

BC: You bet, this is what we live for, these big kind of games.

CP: We're here in Az-cz. The media has been very quiet about their team, but these fans are very unhappy with the performance of their team.

BC: It's a two-time World Champion they got here, so yeah, you can understand their disappointment if they don't qualify. This game is just as crucial for them as it is for us.

CP: Will the Rockets try to feed of that? Getting an early goal would seem like it could really turn the crowd against their home team and have them make more mistakes.

BC: We know what it could do to their spirit with an early goal, yes, but we're not going to do anything stupid or force anything. Az-cz played a very good game when we played in Pocono City, and I expect them to play at a high level here tonight. So we must play smart, because if try to play beyond ourselves, that's how mistakes happen. We will play Newmanistan football and take our best shot.

CP: Wouldn't it be sweet to deliver the final nail in the coffin to a top 10 team's chance of qualifying?

BC: Yes, absolutely. But we want to do it for Newmanistan. A win here for us isn't about knocking Az-cz out of the World Cup, it's about getting us into it. We clinch the playoff spot with a win, and anything can happen in a playoff, as we saw eight years ago when we came so close to beating out Bostopia. We're looking at more then that. We can finish second here. That's our biggest goal.

CP: A draw works for you, somewhat, but I know you're not going to think that way.

BC: A draw isn't a completely bad outcome, but we are playing for three points. It makes us have to beat Liventia, where as, a win and we're in. And again, the win gives us a chance at second.

CP: How are the players feeling in regards to the pressure of the big game.

BC: You know what, Clint. The pressure's on Az-cz tonight, not on us. They are the top seed. They are at home, and they are in danger of not qualifying for the World Cup. We are the underdog, the team that's two points ahead of them in the standings of the spot that they want to get into. There's no pressure on us. We're loose. That's why I say we're just going to go out there and play Newmanistan football. They know we can give them a fight, we did in Pocono City. We can do it in Az-Cz too. Quite honestly, I think it's better that this game is in Az-Cz then in Newmanistan. They will hear the pressure all game long and we can capitalize.

CP: I take it that message has been delivered in the locker room.

BC: Absolutely it has. And the team knows it. They are feeling good and they know what they have to do here tonight.

CP: Well, good luck, Brian. The pressure may be on them but this is a big game for us as well. We wish you the best.

BC: Thanks Clint. And thanks to all the fans out there for their support.

Champions Ease Through
Starblaydia Qualify for World Cup

It seems like they've gone through this qualification campaign without even getting out of second gear. To be fair, Starblaydia have not lost a match in twenty-two World Cup-related games and only have three defeats to their name in the thirty-six matches played under Lex Panarii's much heralded leadership. Starblaydi players are relaxed and jocular and even the rotation system that sees Diamontii Di Bradini and Daymon Callind take it in turns (well, not quite - Ed.) to lead the line for Starblaydia has yielded eleven goals between them in eleven games. That doesn't include the hat-trick Lubii bagged in the most recent game against KaMaRi to take her international tally to fifty-five, just four from the all-time record held by Jacqueline Maitland.

Starblaydia have a match off to rest and recuperate before the final showdown away in Europa Brittania, who were the first team in the group to be eliminated many moons ago. Whether this will match the six-goal blitz that Starblaydia managed at the Stadii Di Bradini earlier in the Qualifiers is not something we can guess at, but Starblaydia's relaxed attitude will surely still hold through these last ninety minutes, as it has worked so well for them up until now. The traveling fans will have a party whatever the outcome, as they next look to book their tickets for Septentrionia or Cafundéu.

The little scuff on this overall quite easy picture is the performance of Batou Nakamura. Or, more accurately, the performances of Captain Nakamura as he's pushed back into the centre of midfield to accommodate the largely untried, untested and inexperienced Chen Myung-Bo. Batou Nakamura should be bestriding the Starblaydi midfield like a colossus, being the thrust of the spearhead, flanked by Kuu and England with a vanguard of Callind and/or Di Bradini to let loose like the literary dogs of war. Instead he is thrown into the compressed five-man midfield area alongside the tough and tenacious wrecking ball of Wen Tze-Shu. Though Myung-Bo is a natural attacking midfielder, he shouldn't even be thought of in the same breath as Nakamura, yet the number eight shirt sits firmly with the two goals in nine games Dalinn player.

Nakamura has just a single goal to his name, one of two scored in the away draw to KaMaRi. Myung-Bo's record is not much better, netting the first over Cauci and scoring a lucky winner against Jeru FC: after Di Bradini's shot was deflected against the crossbar by the goalie, Myung-Bo found himself on the goal line and bundled the ball over the line, seemingly unknowingly, with his knee. Not the stuff of legends as we have seen Nakamura produce time and again among the eighteen goals he has scored for his country.

The message is a simple one, get Myung-Bo off and move Nakamura forward. The centre of midfield can be held by the veteran Jack Stafador - now looking amongst Starblaydi teams for a club after being given a testamonial and released with love and affection from Marquez-Onwere - or there is always the up-and-coming Rashid Mus'haf, who managed a goal on his debut against Cauci on Matchday 2.

Or - and do stop me if this sounds crazy - Starblaydia's midfield is the standard, usual, balanced 4-4-2 Diamond. Tze-Shu, England, Kuu and Nakamura. Then, instead of trying to fit five pegs in four holes in midfield, the extra place can be given to a quality striker. Perhaps a World Cup Winner, who started the Final, who has 16 goals to his name in 35 appearances? A player who has more goals to his name than anyone else in the current starting eleven bar the 78-appearance captain? Lex Panarii needs to put Callind and Di Bradini together up front and see what happens in match conditions. Apparently they don't play well together, we're told. I'd like to see that for myself. 11 goals between them speaks for itself, and with the resurgent Nakamura and a free Kuu and England behind them, there are goals and even championships promised by that line-up.

Starblaydi Goalscoring Chart
6 - Diamontii Di Bradini
5 - Daymon Callind
4 - Jaime Kuu, Lubii
2 - Myung-Bo, Tze-shu, Thayil
1 - Bentley, England, Mus'haf, Nakamura

World Cup Qualification - Group 5
MD1: vs Gerainia (3-1) (@ Gwangdong Imperial Sports Complex and Stadium, Gwangju)
MD2: @ Ad'ihan (1-2) (@ Protectorate Stadium, Ad'ihan)
MD3: vs Universitus University (3-1) (@ King Kim Iljei Memorial Football Stadium, Malnira)
MD4: @ kenavt (4-1) (@ Granderson Stadium)
MD5: vs Lingdinis Insania (3-0) (@ Sanhaemun Football Stadium, Jinhwangdo)
M6: @ Kura-Pelland (0-3)
MD7: -bye-
MQ: vs Taeshan (1-0) (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD8: @ Gerainia (2-0)
MD9: vs Ad'ihan (1-1) (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD10: @ Universitus University (1-0)
MD11: vs kenavt (@ Goguryeo Football Stadium, Hanseong) (2-1)
MD12: @ Lingdinis Insania (5-1)
MD13: vs Kura-Pelland (@ Cha Beomgeun Memorial Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD14: -bye-
PQ: TBD


Qualification Looms for Han
Victory comes as Kim Byeongji scores the third goal of the match! http://i87.photobucket.com/albums/k153/park_john_u/parkjisung_portugal2.jpg

HANGYEONG - Continuing his great tradition of excelling in the World Cup Qualifiers, Ioshido Toki and the Imperial Team have recorded a resounding 5-1 victory, as well as automatic qualification to the World Cup, the most significant positive step taken by the Han since World Cup 40 Qualification. Ironically, it came at the expense of World Cup 39 Quarterfinalist Ad'ihan, who beat the Han in the Second Round at that World Cup. An inexplicably resurgent Universitus University (henceafter referred to as "W" - short for double-u) managed to stun the Ad'ihan team - again - in front of their home crowd. The win for W helped propel Kura-Pelland - who had a bye day - and the Han into automatic qualification, leaving the issue of play-off qualification to Ad'ihan and W. While certainly pleased with automatic qualification, a number of World Cup fans were a bit disappointed that fellow WC41 cohosts failed to impress at Jey. "They're a really good team, but it's a shame that they couldn't beat [W]."

The win against Lingdinis Insania came at a sensational time, as Hanseong midfielder Yi Yeongpyo recorded a brace of goals. One of the older players on the team, his recent performance in his teams has been noted with extremely positive optimism, as he is largely credited with the Emperor's Cup win (he is the first player to record a hat trick in the Emperor's Cup Final) and his performance on the field has been growing more phenomenal. After just five minutes, he led up a ball into the penalty area that Kim Daeeui - the subject of much speculation in a surprising league transfer from Sanghae to the C&M outfit Albrecht FC - struck away for the first goal. Thirteen minutes, he had an opportunity to knock away a free-kick from thirty meters and tactically lobbed the ball into the net, beyond the reach of the goalkeeper. At the outset of the second half, he largely played a defensive role, after the home side scored on a quick break at the end of the first half. But it was largely unnecessary, as Kim Byeongji and Jeong Jihun settled the ball away for an empathic 4-1 lead by the time Yi Yeongpyo had the opportunity to score the defining goal of the match, as he snuck the ball past a wall of defenders and struck it into the ball from the edge of the penalty area.

At the post-match remarks, Ioshido Toki had the opportunity to shed praise on the team. "I'm extremely pleased with the progress of this team in the second half of qualification. In the first 6 matches, we conceded 8 goals, mostly from those losses to Kura-Pelland and Ad'ihan. But in the second half, we have so far conceded only 2 goals, one of those goals coming from the 1-1 draw against Ad'ihan. Defensively, this team has measured to the task that I charged them at the outset of the second half, and I'm extremely pleased. Of course, we'd like to end Qualification on a positive, so we're not letting up any pressure on Kura-Pelland."

When asked about the Ad'ihan loss to W, he was more apathetic. "It's a pity that they fell out to a weaker side, but that's the price you pay for underestimating your opponents. We've been doing well against all of our weaker opponents, and I think we've managed them all very well. We nearly got a goalless draw away at W as well. If anything, the Ad'ihan management should have taken note at the ferocity of their playing style - it was going to be a tough match from the get-go. Nonetheless, I'm certain that the Ad'ihan management have enough experience to get to the play-offs and qualify, but they can't afford too many more mistakes. But I don't like to talk too much about other teams. Right now, we're focused upon winning against Kura-Pelland, because that's our team's results. If Ad'ihan fails to progress, I'd imagine that the FA will have some management shuffles, and I'd imagine that I were in a similar situation, I'd imagine that I'd be experience something similar to what Luke Evans might be feeling in a little bit. I don't want to get that."

When asked about Yi Yeongpyo, Ioshido Toki turned to mild admiration. "I don't typically like to give out praise for a player, because I truly believe that this is a team effort. Our strikers wouldn't be as popular without the effort of our defenders to keep the goals stacked in our favor. That said, Yi Yeongpyo has been marvelous. He has probably one of the best positions on the field, as a midfielder. And the one thing I love about him is his devotion. He's on the field where we need him. He gets goals occasionally, and I'm happy for him. I'm happier when he steps back and stops a goal. Yi Yeongpyo is a great player to have on a team, because he helps this team bond better, on and off the field. The fact that Hanseong has made great progress in the IFL (Imperial Football League, formerly National Football League) is a credit to his ability to make a team work together." When asked if Yi Yeongpyo would be captaining the team in the future, he shrugged. "I give the band to whomever I feel fits the task. Yi has captained before, and he is Hanseong captain now. I don't see a reason why not. That said, I don't make promises and I believe the captain's band is earned on that field. If Yi Yeongpyo isn't having a good day, I won't give it to him. But if he's doing spectacularly, he earns that right. For now, Kim Daeeui has the best experience so I turn to him. But if he's not doing a spectacular job, I'll hand to someone else." He later remarked, "I don't believe in doing favors. It sets the players against one another. But if they're all working for the best of this team, they all have an equal chance to captain. What I'd like - in fact - is a team of captains, not just one captain. That makes a team invincible. But we can't have it like that all of the time, so I'll make due with the players I have. And they're all fantastic."

Emperor Yeongmu, hearing the news, issued a statement of praise as well. For this reason, he has unilaterally granted all Imperial non-emergency workers a paid holiday for the final match of qualification against Kura-Pelland. It is now largely expected that the stadium will be filled to near maximum capacity. The last time that the Cha Beomgeun Memorial Football Stadium was nearly packed to maximum capacity was the 3PPO match between Valanora and Kura-Pelland during World Cup 41.

“…nd um… yes, um… y’know what I mean? It’s great to, um, get in there amongst the kids –”

“Mm, I bet.”

“…nd, um… It’s really, y’know, you’ve got t’give, got t’give, something back and to know it’s, it’s, really making a difference…”

“Quick! Get that boy on the WAESCO executive board…”

“…an have a, a positive influence on, y’know, on, on, the city’s young people.”

“Candelaria-Allemali’s deep-lying forward Presbury Ellis there on the club’s charitable efforts in the local community. It really does help show the CMSC in a good light, doesn’t it Coleman?”

“Yeah, bruv, I mea–”

“Not that we need it shown in a better light, for heaven’s sake… It’s a business! People pay their money and they get rewarded with wonderful entertainment… Why do these clubs seem to think they need to send their intellectually challenged strikers off to read Janet and Juan Explore Their Bodies to toddlers?”

“I’d have thought you’d have been in favour of any measure that helps improve the league’s image, Sam. You have to be seen to be making an effort. We do it all the time; reading with kids, milking cows, hugging asian people. Doesn’t achieve anything, but it’s an opportunity for a photo-op, isn’t it? A good news story for a change.”

“Oh, I grasp the point, minister. I just wish to God it wasn’t necessary. The time that boy’s spent gurning at infants he could have been…”

“Buying another flash motor? Advertising tooth paste on an Arrozan cable channel?”

“Oh, that I might live to see that shining day, Mr Melbourne.”

“You have a strange mind, Mr Mc O’Neil.”

“…pressive little win there?”

“It was, I mean I wouldn’t have expected… what was it, Eastport United? Yeah, I wouldn’t have expected them to worry Portuguese much, given the form they’ve shown in recent weeks –”

“They’re a Champions’ Cup team, in all honesty, aren’t they?”

“They will be next time around, certainly. You’d have to say, and obviously until the group stage of the TQCC is over we can’t really make any predictions, but Portuguese could be real contenders for the Globe Cup now. Matthew Tortini’ll obviously be looking to make that final in his homeland, an–”

“And as such the interest in Arrigo Portuguese as a product will rise even further in Kura-Pelland… It’s so neat, don’t you think, Mr Melbourne?”

“I’d be lying if I said I could care less, Sam. You know if it were up to me, all these Candelariasian ‘supporters’ wouldn’t be off gallivanting around the world in the first place. Being exposed to Kura-Pellandi, or Capitalizt, television is bad enough, never mind trooping all around Valanora.”

“Think of the economy, minister! After the wreck the Unionists left us in, and after 12/5, don’t forget just how important this sport is to the financial well-being of the nation.”

“Happily, the job of my particular ministry is to spend money, not save it, Sam.”

“…gainst South Coast United.”

“And it’s a tricky-looking draw for Green Island too, but we’ll get back to the CMSC’s global adventures, and the build-up to the all-important half-way round, in a sho–”

“SUPER SEVENTEEN! Why are these presenters incapable of using the correct terminology?!”

“…cus on international football for a moment, and reflect first on the Big Blues’ resounding defeat in Zwan–”

“Ugh, do we really have to…”

“I find it as hard t’belive as you, but people do seem to actually care about the national team.”

“Oh, it’s not that, I… Oh, just listen!”

“…viously, y’know, Stevie Williams and Ricky D were off their games, an–”

“Absolute nightmare for Joel Sbaïz too, on that second goal?”

“Yeah, sure bruv, but I’d just really want to focus on Dionísio here. Y’know, that’s the classic foreigner performance, I’ve got t’tell you. Y’know, he’s great at the McNeil Bingo Arena, Solidarity Stadium, Sausages Arena, whatever; but you get him out there on a cold, wet Wednesday night in the middle of the Rackham Range… absolutely nothing, bruv! Just offered nothing, wore gloves, wasn’t interested…”

“Slightly harsh, isn’t it, I mean you can hardly bla–”

“Yeah, an’ look, conceding four goals, I’m not happy about that, I’m not. It’s poor, it’s not worthy of these players. But when you’ve got a player like Dionísio, great player, great player… you expect a bit of effort, and we didn’t get that.”

“So you’d consider dropping him against the United Island Empires?”

“Yeah. No I would, absolutely. He needs it, y’know, right up the arse. Put, y’know, González in the–”

“Terrifying, isn’t it?”

“Hm…?”

“When things start to get tough, we turn on the immigrants. It’s always been the way.”

“In my experience of… uh… living here… uh, my whole life; I’d say this country has a remarkably tolerant attitude towards those of foreign birth or origin. Considering… everything.”

“And tolerant’s the word, minister! It’s a big step from that to accepting. Look at what happened after 12/5.”

“A few hundred delinquent Anglo and Hispanic youths in Arrigo started scrapping. Hold the front page.”

“And what about the Bettians, hm? Up Rosasharn way? Or the Han all over the place, for that matter. It was the Italians last time, and the Turks. The Swedes before that…”

“That was 1893!”

“…and it’ll be the Squornshelans next. It’s different for you, I understand that. But my grandpappy’d tell you a different story from your tickle-me-elmo stance on racial harmony in the Candelarias.”

“Okay… Issues there, obviously. But I hardly think because Coleman Mustard – large, black Coleman Mustard, I should stress – criticises a naturalised player on TTO…”

“…art to think seriously, t’be honest, about whether the quota should be lowered, right, not raised! Because I’m telling you, those days when everyone droned on about how all these foreigners were helping our kids raise their games… It’s a nonsense, bruv, y’know? Always has been.”

“Ah. I see your point.”

“Exactly. The last thing we need is clubs deciding they can sign other nations’ cherished players because it’ll offend the patriotic sensibilities of their fans. Just when the CMSC stands on the brink, minister…”

“The brink of what…?”

“Any brink will do.”

“…eing unduly pessimistic there, Cole…”

“We lost four-nil! That’s our worst defeat for years, Iain!”

“Against the fifth-seeded team in the world, who’re really rather good! Look, we’re two games, two wins, away from the World Cup finals. Two wins and we finish top of the group. We’ve just thrashed Bettia, we’ve won the Cup of Harmony… Our mostly-Candelariasian club sides are tearing it up globally. Cheer up, mate!”

“Also, if all else fails, there’s always the field hock–”

Sam Mc O’Neil, the President of the CMSC, smiled as he switched off the screen and turned towards Joe Melbourne. “You can always count on TTO Sport to tow the party line, eh?”

“They’re good like that, aren’t they? And so the CMSC gravy train rumbles on, taking Sam Mc O’Neil all the way to the top table! You must be delighted.”

“Life is sweet, Mr Melbourne, yes. Although… Minister?”

“Yes?”

“You do know Florence Swift, don’t you?”

“As I told you, Sam, we have mutual acquaintances.”

“Good. And… you will put in a good word for me, won’t you?”

“I’m sure she knows already what a talented man her Candelariasian counterpart is, Sam. But I’ll do my best, of course.”

“Superb. I’ll scratch your back, and all that.”

“Yeah.”

“May I, then?”

“Eh?”

“I’ve got a whalebone backscratcher here somewhere…”

“Please don’t.”

World Cup Qualification - Group 5
MD1: vs Gerainia (3-1) (@ Gwangdong Imperial Sports Complex and Stadium, Gwangju)
MD2: @ Ad'ihan (1-2) (@ Protectorate Stadium, Ad'ihan)
MD3: vs Universitus University (3-1) (@ King Kim Iljei Memorial Football Stadium, Malnira)
MD4: @ kenavt (4-1) (@ Granderson Stadium)
MD5: vs Lingdinis Insania (3-0) (@ Sanhaemun Football Stadium, Jinhwangdo)
M6: @ Kura-Pelland (0-3)
MD7: -bye-
MQ: vs Taeshan (1-0) (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD8: @ Gerainia (2-0)
MD9: vs Ad'ihan (1-1) (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD10: @ Universitus University (1-0)
MD11: vs kenavt (@ Goguryeo Football Stadium, Hanseong) (2-1)
MD12: @ Lingdinis Insania (5-1)
MD13: vs Kura-Pelland (@ Cha Beomgeun Memorial Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD14: -bye-
PQ: TBD


BRIBES APLENTY AS HAN FINANCE SOME OBSCURE COUNTRY

Yeah, so you've read the title, and now you're wonder what the heck it's all about. Well, as the investigative journalist who's spent his time revealing a lot of football scandals, I've found out that the end of scandals isn't yet here. Recently, something caught my attention: some small obscure country with a sub-100 ranking beat the 10th ranked team in the world. This Catholic paradise goes by some weird name - Magna Sancta Sedes. Anyway, I didn't think it was possible. But as I looked at the score, I duly noted that the game was at home, and the two goals were lucky. Plus they showed pictures of brutally mauled turtles all day, so I guess showing dead animals might make you a little queasy too. I shrugged it off as a mishap.

Not so. I saw the country again, beating that same 10th ranked team away. One thing I know is that sub-100 ranked teams don't go beating top-ten rated teams as if it's a piece of cake. I did a little more research and I found that this sub-100 ranked has not only excelled at all of their other games, except that one against the Jeruselemites, they even managed a 1-1 draw against the Archregimancy. Teams like that don't just come out the wazoo; they've been helped. And since it is a small Catholic community, I doubted that I would find the answer there. So I decided to do a little research on the games. You'll notice my surprise when I found a lot of Han donations going out to this Catholic enclave, that supposedly leads the Catholic community of the world. They all speak some weird language, but that didn't stop a bunch of Han Catholics from making visits frequently over the past Qualification period. In fact, in addition to these visits to MSS, they've been courting WC officials. There was even one person who visited the WCC President, but he was clearly a dunce, as he tried to break into the WCC President's kumquat grove after he refused an audience with the chap. Anyway, I decided that there was a lot of mysterious Han activity going around with this MSS crew, so I began to investigate the Han Catholic community.

I visited the Gwangju Cathedral and asked the Archbishop about the activities of some members of his community, and I got a surprising cold shoulder. Five minutes later, my car was towed from a parking lot. When I tried to get on a bus, the bus driver ran into the bus terminal, nearly smashing me among the rubble. I knew that something suspicious was happening, so I tried to call the police, but instead of getting their help, I received a scathing call from the 119 operator telling me to get my lazy @ss and stop complaining. I was extremely piqued by that time, wondering if there was a grand conspiracy among the Catholic community. As I was walking along the street, a gang of bikers (as in, bikes, not motorcycles) ambushed an old man. Even though a bunch of even younger bikers beat away the other bikers and saved the old man's life, I know that the gang of bikers were trying to beat me up instead. I figured that they got the wrong person. When I finally got on the train to go home, the train operator took my ticket and trashed it, saying that I forged my ticket.

A really bad day? Not really. I tried to go to the source of all things football - the IFA Headquarters. I contracted the aid of a good friend who worked there and got him to pull some files from the case. It turns out that there is a giant conspiracy out in the works. The IFA is writing grants to Han Catholics, who want the MSS to beat the Archregimancy in qualification. The reasons why are unknown at the moment, but my friend gave me documents proving an IFA connection to the success of the MSS team. These documents detail the elaborate plan, ranging from substituting Catholic players on the team with Han players, to bribing officials, and even to forging match reports. Amazing, none of this has ever surfaced in the discourses of the IFA to the public - it only begs the question of whether the IFA is actively doing the same thing for the Imperial Team. I suspect that a bunch of Catholics found out about the IFA conspiracy and blackmailed the IFA to help MSS. But they've been particularly sloppy, and I have no doubt that the IFA is conspiring with other international organizations to "buy" their qualification to the World Cup. I also suspect that the IFA brought in Ioshido Toki, only because he was the one of the best bribers in the Cafundelense Leagues - a fact only confirmed by Ioshido's stunning failure to win at the World Cup.

Well, you'll be hearing more from me later. I've got more stories to uncover, so rest assured, this reporter isn't resting until the conspiracy is fully unraveled.

World Cup Qualification - Group 1
MD1: vs Sel Appa (2-0)
MD2: @ Icy Cold Death Touch (0-0)
MD3: vs Kiryu-shi (3-1)
MD4: @ Ixania (2-1)
MD5: -bye-
MD6: vs Jeruselem (0-3)
MD7: @ The Archregimancy (1-1)
MQ: ---
MD8: @ Sel Appa (3-2)
MD9: vs Icy Cold Death Touch (2-2)
MD10: @ Kiryu-shi (1-0)
MD11: vs Ixania (2-1)
MD12: -bye-
MD13: @ Jeruselem
MD14: vs The Archregimancy
PQ: vs The Holy Empire (@ TBD)

La sesta compagnia in due si scema:
per altra via mi mena il savio duca,
fuor de la queta, ne l'aura che trema.

E vegno in parte ove non è che luca.


Part 2 of the Emergency Meeting of the College of Cardinals, as called by Pope HONORIFICABILITVDINITATIBVS - the day went just as hectic as the first, as the evidence continued to pile upon the College of the source. It was clear by then that the Dreamed Realm was responsible. But how? And why? "Well, they're Orthodox schismatics. They're trying to eradicate Catholicism by the only way they know how. By removing all reality, they make theirs the only true reality, and thus in the perspective of all remaining, the one true faith."

"But how could they do that if Catholicism is the one true faith?" The Cardinals sat there for a long time, unwilling to consider the alternative possibilities. So they ignored it.

"Alright, so what evidence do we have that points all of this to the Dreamed Realm? We don't want to make an accusation if it's not substantiated by the proof."

"Well, it starts off with Basil and Theo..."

"It was Juan and Simeone!"

"Alright, someone from the Holy Empire started to talk in blurbs. Then the Archregimancy issued a bull of excommunication against the Catholic Church...."

"It was the bull first, and then the blurbing speeches. And the Unholy Synod can't excommunicate us if they don't have any authority. Besides, it wasn't very successful, as most people tended to ignore it anyway."

"Alright, so the Monks do something to us, Basil and Theo..."

"Juan and Simeone!"

"Well, what can I say? Basil and Theo are so much easier to remember... Anyway, Juan and Simeone start to slur their speech. Next, the rabbits in China in some alternate reality start their war against this Nasi Goreng character, who eats the rabbits after witnessing a divine image of some god..."

"Wait! What about the book of prophecy?"

"What book of prophecy?"

"You know - the answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything! Wasn't it 'yes'?"

"NO!!! It was 42! And only Heaven knows what that damned question was!"

"That's not a very good answer..."

"Well, that's not a very good... whatever! Continuing! The rabbits of China, then Mother Theresia Iesu scores the winning goal by a miracle of God. The Holy Empire claims that they won 38-0, Tynelia claims they won by 5-3. No one really knows who did or didn't, although the WCC says Tynelia is right..."

"I'd believe the Holy Empire. After all, they are holy, and they aren't Orthodox schismatics..."

"Actually, I think they are."

"Well, why in God's name are they called the 'Holy Empire' then? They're just giving away the title these days!"

"They're in the Dreamed Realm with the Unholy Synod - I'd imagine that the Unholy Synod conferred the title..."

"But didn't the Holy Empire exist first?"

"As did the Roman Empire. Doesn't mean we didn't make the Holy Roman Empire either."

"Okay. So anyway... we're totally lost now. Where were we in establishing the chronology of this crisis? We started with the attempt to excommunicate the Catholic Church. Then the speech slurs. Then the miracle shot..."

"Maybe we should be reading that book about the number 42."

"Why?"

"It might have the answer to our problems!"

"But the answer is 42! That doesn't help us!"

"But we don't know the question! Maybe if we discover what the question is, we can discover a solution to our crisis!"

"I can't conceive a question that has '42' as its answer and helps us discover a solution to the crisis..."

"We must kill 42 million Jews!" The College turned to Cardinal Adolphus. He turned defensive. "It's the only logical response! How many millions of Jews must the Holy Catholic Church exterminate in order to keep peace and order in our world? 42! Any other question is a travesty and deserves to be salted thoroughly and chewed by ravenous rabbits."

The Pope sighed as he conceded the point. "Well, I do not imagine that God would send to us as cryptic questions the death of 42 million Jews, but seeing as there is some merit to this pursuit to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything, I imagine that it is worthwhile for us explore the possibility that this question might hold for us the answer to our problems. But that must mean one of us must travel back to the Dreamed Realm and retrieve a Book. Who is willing to make the journey?"

At that instant, the doors to the College of Cardinals opened, and an old man hobbled inside on an equally old cane. The Pope stood at the sight of this old man. "Who the heck keeps unlocking the door?" he cried.

"Peace be to you, Holy Father. I am Iesu Caesar Salvator, and I will make this journey to the Dreamed Realm."

"I don't recall having a Cardinal Iesu..."

"I'm not a Cardinal, Holy Father, but if you would please permit my voyage. I must make the voyage, by the Will of God." At that, the walls of the room echoed, and a wind scattered the papers onto the floor. Incidentally, a server dropped golden pan behind the old man, and as he grabbed the pan, the pan came behind the man's head as if a golden halo came upon the man. Instantly, everyone thought that they had seen the Christ. "Holy Father, have mercy upon us!"

"Stop this non-sense! I'm not the Christ. If you're that easily swayed by what you see, how can you be righteous Christian men?"

"But Saint Thomas's incredulity! LORD, we beseech you not to send us away!"

"By whose word did you hear that I was the Christ? I'm just an old man. Now get up before someone sees what you're doing!"

Uncertain of the old man's intentions, they decided to believe that he was the Christ and obeyed him. For the old man, it was a blessing in disguise.

*beep beep*

"Yello.

"Hang on...calm down!!!! I can't hear you when you're yelling like that...right, start again...

"Pip? Pip who...oh, THAT Pip.

"What do you mean? Your report?

"Well, of course they're not going to be interested, we're in the finals! 28 points out of 30! FULL HOUSE!!! The fever's back!!!

"Calm down, sonny, I'm just giving you the facts...

"Mmm...

"Mmm-hmmm...

"Well, yeah. Maybe we should meet up.

"Hang on...Bill, what's my expense account like? Yeah? Right.

"You know the Gilded Truffle? We'll meet there. Very discreet. Bring a bird...oh, yes, silly me. Well, ring an agency.

"No, I'm not guaranteeing anything. I wanna see what you've got. Besides which it's not really the time...maybe after the finals...

"OK, OK!! Look, I'll take a peep, it might be worthwhile...

"Right...OK, see ya there...no, not this week, make it a week tonight. Seven-ish. Need to get in early.

"Right then. Ta-ta."

"Whatcha got there, Hugo?"

"Some tinhat thinking the World Cup is fixed. Reckons he can prove it too. Might make a funny story. Should at least get the nutters on the blogoboard..."

You're watching Zwangzug World Cup football...

"...it's matchday twelve."

"Really? Already? It's just flown by, hasn't it?"

"Hmm...Subjectively speaking, perhaps, but unless you're talking time dilation-"

"-and we're not. This is an international football broadcast, not a general relativity course. Do you need me to explain the difference in further detail?"

"No."

"That's good."

"Well, it's a cold night here at Wayr Stadium, so we're glad you've joined us for the match. Zwangzug vs. Candelaria And Marquez, coming up shortly..."

"...cleared in the midfield. Deguela in possession now, still Deguela, maneuvering forward. Passes to Muus Jurin."

"Jurin marked by Steven Williams now, backs up a couple steps."

"Shakes him clear, shoots...It's a goal! Goal for Zwangzug here in the twenty-seventh minute, what a shot by Muus!"

"What a shot indeed, look at how well he aimed."

"Relatively speaking, of course."

"Very well indeed for Jurin, helped no doubt by a nice pass from Brendan Deguela, he's certainly helped set up those in front of him time and again."

"One-nil to Zwangzug now as play restarts..."

"...look at Dionísio Madeira Lobos down in the midfield, he's open and in good position too, just can't get the ball."

"You understand we'd move along if you didn't call him by his full name every time."

"Yes, but what's the point?"

"You're a lost cause sometimes, you really are."

"But what should I call him instead?"

"Madeira Lobos?"

"He's Cafundelense though, so wouldn't he just be one of those one-name phenoms?"

"He's not Cafundelense. He's Candelariasian, look he's down on the field with his teammates."

"Let's...not turn this into a critique or defense of nationalism and instead note that he still doesn't have the ball."

"Oh here we go, Silva de Aviz clearing it forward."

"No! Rohit Sharma in possession, Sharma charging forward, shoots-"

"It's a goal for Zwangzug, left Joel Sbaïz no chance. Two-nothing to the hosts now..."

"...Zwangzug on the attack once again. Williams out of position, Jurin's no threat right now so...uh...William...

"Burgos is stranded there, can't get to-Brendan Deguela's shot! Hammered from the midfield, three-nothing now..."

"...not much time left here, Candelaria And Marquez just trying to hold the scoreline where it is."

"And that's three-nil to Zwangzug. Hold on, Keller just caught Siriwong off guard!"

"All right, that'll be four-nil..."

"...full time at last, Zwangzug certainly deserving winners of this one."

"And taking the group lead along with it. From the Rackham Range, goodnight everybody."

Lost on an island with two ****s Episode 2: Alain is trapped like a Sorthern Northlander in a gulag

Alain Lemay wakes up, surprised to find himself on something metallic. After a cursory check-up, he realises he is in a cage. Two people are looking at him as he wakes up. One, who looks like an idiot, is taking to a leaf. Alain is trying to get what he is saying and can only understand "second", "Frenchie" and "and you can't prove anything". That's how he realises it must be that Bostopian leader one can hear screaming in Septentrionia sometimes, as he is condemning them for being communist, white but not speaking white.

Then, he is looking at the other guy: ginger, but lacking some hair on the forehead. He realised it was surely that guy from Sorthern Northland Emperor Boston has a crush on. After hearing him complain to Boston he had no alcohol left, he realised that his leprechaun had left, so he began to cry. He then went close to the cage, said something he couldn't understand (maybe it was Bensroomese? or Irish?), but he could grasp "Han" from it and "pistachio nut". He then began to throw pistachio nuts at Alain, who began to scream "STOP THAT, POTATO EATER!" in a kind of ugly, but understandable English-accent (OOC: no, it's not the Brummie accent, Bos). Boston then told Sheridan to stop throwing nuts, because that's about the only things they had left to eat, and that he heard Alain speak in English.

(To be continued)

---Channel 9 News, Bostopia---

We spoke to a Police Officer from the Port Flamerty and Flamerty Police Force, who told us that Hikfie appeared to have looked the wrong way when crossing the road, even though she has lived in Bostopia for over a decade. As is well known in Bostopia, we drive on the left, though it appears Hikfie looked left and stepped out into what she thought was a clear road. The Officer said it was a “good job it was the milk float that hit her and not the Formula 1 car overtaking it.”

---Ile de Nouveau Bostopie, somewhere---

Dear Diary

We have a visitor! Mr. Sherry-done happened ucross Alain Lemay last night when he was a bit drunk and I'm not drunk and I wasn't drunkt hen and you can't prove anything but Sherry-done ..I never relised he had a double-boorelled surname. How interestink. How sneaky! Trust the Snortherns to be sneaky like that. They can't be trusted and his double barrelrolled surname proves it. Anyway, Sherry-done thought Lemay was a Han cause Lemay was all “ou est la poutine?” and Sherry-done didn't understand him and thought he was a Han.

So Sherry-done was all “the poo-tin's over here!” and clobbered My-suer Lemay over the head with a mango. Course it didn't knock him out like so Sherry-done just threw him in the holding pen that I built to capture.. someone. I don't remeember. Anyway, acus I know what a Han looks like because I have a sushi-chef at home and she's a Han so I knew this bloke weren't a Han. I went over to the cage where My-suer Lemay is and I realised it was Lemay. So I said hello and he asked why I said “good moaning” but I think that's some sort of reference to something and I didn't get it because I said good morning in my best accent and everything.

Anyway, I thought he was hungry so I threw a can of tuna over the wall. I heard a bonk and then I didn't hear anything after that, so I just kinda stared at Lemay while he slept while eating a leg of lamb. Lemay seemed a bit disturbed when he woke up because me and Sherryd-one were staring at him and arguing about how Sherry-done was throwing pistachio nuts at Lemay and I said it was cruel and nasty and he didn't deserve it but Sherry-done said he did so I drank a bit more and went to sleep.

Then I woke up to find that Sherry-done had run off and I was alone with Alain. So we had a quick chat about stuff like surrender and being Septentronie's leader and what prospects there were for me as leader but Alain said you had to be Septentrionie which I said was racist then I walked off and left him there. I can't find Sherry-done, I think he might be cavorting with the enemy.

This calls for ¡¡¡INDEPENDENCIA!!! no, revenge.

Princess Marie-Antoinette Dallas with the Catholic Archbishop of Jeruselem

Marie: Hey, Archbishop!
Archbishop: Hello Marie, whats up?
Marie: What are you supporting?
Archbishop: Oh, for the football game ... Jeruselem of course.

Marie: I thought you supported those Saints.
Archbishop: Wrong Pope.
Marie: Good good, so the Church is our side here.
Archbishop: Yes, don't worry. We may have a team of whores but we still support them.

Marie: Good good!
Archbishop: And prayers for that Dopey Dallas relative of yours.
Marie: Oh yes, her. She's alright. She never gets depressed about anything, too stupid for that.
Archbishop: I noticed she wasn't all there.

Marie: You coming to the game?
Archbishop: I suppose have to.
Marie: You need a supporters kit.
Archbishop: It's a bit too tacky for me.

Marie: At least wear something pink and blue?
Archbishop: I don't have anything of that colour to wear.
Marie: Little Marie will knit you a nice scarf then!
Archbishop: You can knit?

Marie: I am a girl. I don't do it very often though.
Archbishop: I'll just buy one.
Marie: No no, I want to make out for you. A special one.
Archbishop: No need, I'll use it only once. Scarves are generally useless for an Archbishop.

Marie: How about some gloves?
Archbishop: I don't wear gloves.
Marie: Even a cardigan?
Archbishop: Thanks for the offer but no thanks.

Marie: You're hard man to please.
Archbishop: I'm no style leader, I just wear what I always wear.
Marie: I suppose that's why your an Archbishop.
Archbishop: Not used to women fussing over me like that.

RP Cutoff for Matchday 13, presented by the Association Septentrionienne de Soccer

This post is brought to you by the letter /b/, the number 42, and this shiny new Chrome browser from Google...

Above them, the crowd roared. Well, in spirit. It was only a few hundred people at this, a playoff game in the Hazuki State High School Tournament. Zero was looking to add another title to his resume, and college scouts were taking notice of his team. They played fluid football and had a real tactical awareness that most teams at their level were severely lacking. His team was up 3-0 with about ten minutes to play. The finals beckoned.

But under the bleachers, there were more nefarious plots afoot. Peter and Russ were in the locker room looking for Zero's duffel bag. He brought one with him to every game, and by that, we mean his pretty assistant lugged it to and from the car. Everyone was occupied right now, so this was the only time to do it.

"You know, if we get caught, we're looking at massive jail time," Peter said.

"We have to get him," replied Russ determinedly. He had given up on going by the book, since the book had been thrown in their faces by that damn review board. "With this, we'll be able to figure out where he lives and hear everything he says." He had a small audio bug and a tracker which he had no problem hiding inside the lining of the bag. The small ion batteries would last a few days, which would give them plenty of data.

Peter kept watch while Russ hid the equipment. After a few minutes, he signaled that he was done, and the two departed. They'd head over to concessions and take something back for themselves and the professor as if nothing had happened.

As they left, a face peered around the corner of the hallway. C walked over to the door and, with a puzzled expression, went into the locker room. I've seen them before... yeah, it's those guys... what were they doing in here? She looked around, but saw nothing amiss. She walked farther into the room. Something caught her eye. It was Stephen's bag. She bent down and looked closer. The zipper wasn't done up all the way... that's definitely not how they'd left it.

She opened the bag and looked inside. There were only a few articles of clothing, but it looked like they'd been moved. She went to shift one aside and felt a little bump in the lining. Bingo.

From the bleachers, Russ and Peter watched the rest of the game unfold. At one point, the girl emerged and talked to Zero for a bit, but from their seats, it seemed like just another of their usual discussions. Peter was busy searching for a cellular signal since the Nire and Nire game was going to start soon, and he wanted his automatic updates.

The game ended. The teams shook hands and disappeared into the locker rooms. Parents and friends hung around in the stands waiting for the players to re-emerge. Russ, Peter, and the professor drifted down to the field. They were waiting for Zero.

"So you plessed zem?" asked von Steuben.

"Yeah, and I can pull it up right here," said Russ, pulling out his phone. Peter was cringing with every little beep as a text update appeared on his screen. "There, see, he's coming out of the tunnel now..." Zero emerged with a few of his players. His team was clearly excited about playing in the final. Russ smiled. You're ours now, Zero... no, that identity will be broken very soon...!!

"Man, state finals, I can't believe it!" one of the players was saying. "After the way we played last year, you've really been a miracle, coach!"

"Now, now, you're the ones who went out and played," Zero responded in a light tone, so that you could almost feel the smile underneath his mask. "I just helped you guys develop what was already there."

"Is it true you might coach the national team someday?" another asked. "I don't know why you bother with teams like ours when you could be in the pros..."

"It's quite simple," Zero replied. "We need players for that level. If they tap into their potential early on, they'll be ready when they get to college and beyond. If someone isn't willing to develop amateur players, high school players... then how can we improve at the top? We need everyone in this country to play their best."

"Should've expected that from you, coach!" the player responded, throwing his arms over his head. "Man... you're totally right. I didn't think I could make it at a big school... but now I can't wait! Gimme four years, and I'll be wearing the black and white, guys."

"Let's make it a promise, then," Zero said. The players all stopped. The player who had been boasting blinked. The coach was serious! "I'll do my best to become a coach this nation can rally around, and in a few years time, we'll meet again on the national team. Until then..." Zero held out his duffel bag and the boy took it gingerly. "I'll ask you to hold this. You can return it to me then."

The other players all crowded around the boy as they ran off. Zero smiled under his mask. So, you've had to go that far, you three... unfortunately for you, you were too sloppy.

From the stands, Russ and the professor watched with repressed agony as Zero's duffel disappeared somewhere else. "I sink..." the professor said, "zat ve may heff found an opponent ve cannot beat..."

Knights rout Solenial, get sweep

Wow it was the highest winning sc ore in Purple Knights history over Solenial last night 6-0 in Solenial. Add that to the original game in Taeshans score, and you get a 10-0 overall victory for the Knights. Man the team just knows how to make a beatdown on the Solenial team.

Oh it was a wonderful day in Knights history. Brian Ying Uing scored the first goal in the 10th minute past the outstretched hands of the Solenial goalie. Then later A.F. Falcon would score on a header, and Zeke Jr. would add one from the corner making it 3-0 at haslftime in the Knights favor.

In the second half Ying Uiong would run a clinic with 3 more goals getting a hat rick for the second half in a natural way. He score on two headers in the 49th and the 75th, and tricked the Solenial goalie into submition in the 88th. The Knights would then go on to a 6-0 victory.

Next is the Kose and the Turkomans standing between the Knights and a trip to a playoff spot, but the Knights need a win. In the first game the Knights played to a 0-0 tie in Kose. Now coming home to the Colliseum on the 19th the Knights should look to feed of the crowd for a win.

QBC WORLD CUP 42 COVERAGE

"Hello all, I'm Beck Davidham, a 4-1 win vs Kannone and Qazox has gotten 31 of a possible 36 points from qualifying. So let's see who else qualified today: Jeruselem, The Holy Empire, Sorthern Northland, Demot, Milchama, Vephrall. Congrats to them. :"

We somehow don't have videotape of the match, as it was mysteriously eaten by a goat. But we know that the goals were scored in this order:

David Shultz: 26'
Kannone: 38'
Brittany Lopes: 51'
Yolanda Christian: 66'
Yolanda Christian: 78'


QAZOX Goals:
Valladores: 7
Jaus: 7 (2 PK)
Tarricone: 4
de Olivares: 4
Christian: 4
Cruz-Preli: 3 (1 PK)
Spingler: 2
Marquis: 3
Erca: 2
St. Louis: 1
Schultz: 1
Lopes: 1

We now take a look at what the remaining teams need to do to either get into the World Cup (please note there are more possiblities that what we list, but these are the most likely senarios):

GROUP 1:
Jeruselem: IN
The Archregimancy: In with a win or draw or a Magna Sancta Sedes loss or draw.
Magna Sancta Sedes: In with a win and a The Archregimancy loss and have a better GD.
Both The Archregimancy and Magna Sancta Sedes have clinched at least a playoff berth.

GROUP 2:
Tynelia and The Holy Empire are IN.
Kereca: needs a win or draw or The Macabees loss or draw to clinch a playoff berth.
The Macabees: Need a win and a Kereca loss and have a better GD.

GROUP 3:
Wentland: IN
Yafor 2 (clinched at least playoff spot): Needs a win or draw and/or a Kose and The Turkomans loss or draw.
Kose and The Turkomans: Need a win and Yafor 2 loss to get in. Clinches playoff berth with win or draw and/or a Taeshan loss or draw.
Taeshan: Clinches playoff berth with a win and a Kose and The Turkomans loss.

GROUP 4:
Qazox: IN
Kelssek: In with a win or draw or if both Quakmybush and Rennidan draw or lose; Clinches playoff berth with either a Quakmybush or Rennidan draw or loss.
Quakmybush: In with a win, a Kelssek loss and a Rennidan loss. Clinches playoff berth with a Rennidan loss and a draw.
Rennidan: In with a win, and losses by both Quakmybush and Kelssek and they have a better GD; clinches playoff berth with a win or draw and a Quakmybush draw or loss (respectively).

GROUP 5:
Daehanjeiguk and Kura-Pelland are IN.
Ad'ihan: Clinches playoff berth with win or draw and Universitus University loss or draw or a Universitus University loss.
Universitus University: Clinches playoff berth with win and Ad'ihan loss or a win and an Ad'ihan draw, if they have a better GD.

GROUP 6:
Sorthern Northland: IN
Jasīʼyūn (have clinched at least playoff berth): In with a win or draw, or Az-cz loss or draw.
Az-cz: clinches playoff berth with a win or draw and a Newmanistan loss or draw; Clinches World cup berth with a win and a Jasīʼyūn loss.
Newmanistan: Clinches playoff berth with a win and an Az-cz loss or draw or a draw and a Az-cz loss by 11 goals.

GROUP 7: (the Tough one)
Candelaria And Marquez: Clinches World Cup berth with a win or if both Bettia and Zwangzug lose or draw.
Bettia: Clinch World Cup berth with a win and either a Zwangzug loss or draw or a Candelaria And Marquez loss or draw; or a draw and if both Candelaria And Marquez and Zwangzug lose.
Zwangzug: Clinch World Cup berth with a win and either a Bettia loss or draw or a Candelaria And Marquez loss or draw; or a draw and a Bettia draw or loss or a Candelaria And Marquez loss.
(all three teams have clinched at least playoff berth)

GROUP 8: (the easy one)
Valanora and Demot are IN.
Blouman Empire is in playoffs.

GROUP 9 (another easy one)
Bazalonia and Bostopia are IN.
Prux is in playoffs.

GROUP 10
Capitalizt SLANI is IN.
Krytenia (depending on withdrawl): IN witha win or draw and a Yafalonia and Bazor 2 loss or draw.
Yafalonia and Bazor 2: IN with a win or draw and a Krytenia loss.

GROUP 11
Milchama is IN.
Lovisa: In with a Dancougar loss or draw.
Dancougar: In with a win.
(Lovisa and Dancougar have each clinched at least playoff berth)

GROUP 12:
Starblaydia and Vephrall are IN.
KaMaRi: Clinches playoff berth with win or Jeru FC loss or draw and Jeru FC loss or draw.
Jeru FC: Clinches Playoff berth with a win and a KaMaRi loss or draw.

(ooc: yes i know who is playing whom on MD14, but for expediency sake i just listed the most likely senarios, not including GD (unless noted) or H2H tiebreakers)

Hamburger Hill Herald

I think Bazalonia and Bostopia share technology as the Bostopians used the same dang portable minisuns to get a 4-0 win. But we are in the playoffs at least, and we remember what happened then. (DAMN OXEN WORSHIPPING &^%$!) But at least this time we might get a better draw.

Schedule:
vs. Arroza WIN 3-0 (1-0-0 record)
@ Land de Wood WIN 3-0 (2-0-0 record)
vs. Greal WIN 2-0 (3-0-0 record)
@ Bazalonia Lose 1-3 (3-0-1 record)
vs. Nuevos Aires W 5-0 (4-0-1 record)
@ Bostopia Lose 0-5 (4-0-2 record)
BYE
@ Arroza DRAW 2-2 (4-1-2 record)
vs. Land de Wood DRAW 2-2 (4-2-2 record)
@ Greal WIN 2-0 (5-2-2 record)
vs. Bazalonia Lose 1-3 (5-2-3 record)
@ Nuevos Aires WIN 3-1 (6-2-3 record) clinched playoff berth.
vs. Bostopia Lose 0-4 (6-2-4 record) In Playoffs
BYE
Playoff: TBD


Prux' Goals:
Zombie Pelé: 6
Zombie Zinedine Zidane (aka Triple Z): 4
Zombie Just Fontaine: 3
Dr. Mkembe: 3
Zombie Ronaldo: 3
Zombie Lothar Matthäus: 3
Zombie Diego Maradona: 2

Green Wombat Daily Tattler

A 1-0 win over Central Prestonia was good, but Blouman Empire defeated West Zirconia 3-0 to eliminate the Wombats from the World Cup and the Playoffs. So once again it looks the Wombats will participate in the CoH, once again.

SCORING:
GW: Dale Henke- 57'

SCHEDULE:
MD1: vs. Ron Paulovia WIN 3-2
MD2: @ Valanora Draw 3-3
MD3: vs. Demot Lost 1-3
MD4: @ West Zirconia Draw 2-2
MD5: BYE
MD6: vs. Central Prestonia WIN 3-0
MD7: @ Blouman Empire Lose 1-3
BYE DATE
MD8: @ Ron Paulovia WIN 1-0
MD9: vs. Valanora Lost 1-5
MD10: @ Demot Lost 1-4
MD11: vs. West Zirconia Draw 2-2
MD12: BYE
MD13: @ Central Prestonia WIN 1-0
MD14: vs. Blouman Empire


RECORD: 4-3-4 (ELIMINATED)
GOALS:
Utley: 5
Blessing: 4
Henke: 4
Wilcox: 3
Karp: 1
Huskey: 1

Dancougar News!!
Big brother is dead. He's not here anymore! But on my back, and in my heart, he lives on in me! My drill is the one that pierces the heavens!

Dancougar 2 v 0 Nire and Nire (FT): The Wings have set up a dramatic final match to determine if they advance to World Cup 42 or the playoffs. They beat Nire and Nire 2-0 at the National Stadium to keep pace with Lovisa, which finished their campaign with a win to remain a point ahead of the Wings. They will have a bye while Dancougar travels to Cypron for the match which decides how both teams proceed.

Dancougar and Lovisa split their games, so should the Wings draw Cyrpon, Lovisa will advance on the second tiebreaker through their commanding edge in goal differential. It requires a win... just as Charles DuPont said. After the game, it was more of the same. "The way Lovisa have played, they're deserving of a spot in the tournament," said DuPont. "But we knew coming in that two wins would do it for us. We're halfway home now."

But it required a tense hour of football to find the first goal, as both sides knew what was at stake. Nire and Nire's World Cup hopes also hinged on a win, as they sat a full three points behind Dancougar going into the night's action. In a packed National Stadium, though, with the loud cheers of the Black Wing faithful raining down, it was Dancougar that started with all the energy. Kevin Underwood, starting in place of Akira Morimoto, got things going in the 9th minute with a high cross that Shishio Jinguuji attempted to bring down with his chest. He failed, but the ball bounced to Jericho Leyton, who let loose a low shot that skimmed wide of goal.

Two more shots followed before the quarter hour mark, from Jinguuji and Benjamin Whittaker, but both were easily saved. The Wings enjoyed the bulk of the possession, but were a little timid in their approach. The fans waved them forward, but they took their time building attacks out of midfield. They were quick to pass back to defenders when their route was cut off. Nire and Nire seized the initiative and tested Yuji Watanabe in the 27th. The shot curled hard to the left and got past his reach... and the post. Leyton replied with another low shot that was deflected wide.

The game was starting to open up. Whittaker began to assert control over the left side, but the quality of his crosses still left much to be desired. Underwood did little better on the right; his foot is still no substitute for Morimoto's. But his higher stamina made life tougher for the Nire and Nire offense, which had difficulty developing chances. But they still came. Casey Berber let a man slip behind him in the 37th only to breathe a sigh of relief when Watanabe bailed him out with a kick save over the bar.

The Wings had more shots in the first half, but Nire and Nire had still made Watanabe work harder. Dancougar came out firing in the second half with Leyton pushing forward as a third striker. Whittaker played the give and go with Jinguuji in the corner and tried to find Dan Potts lurking at the back post, but he hit it over the striker's head. Then in the 55th, Dylandy ripped a shot from 25 yards out that skipped once off the turf and was misplayed by the Nire and Nire 'keeper. Potts attempted to stuff the rebound home, but a defender met the ball at the same time and it was deflected high and wide. The moan of disappointment swept down from the crowd.

Four minutes later, though, their hard work paid off. And who else to start it but the captain, Leyton, who received the ball 30 yards out and faked a pass. He stepped up and started a short run, dropping it off when the challenge came. It landed at the foot of Kevin Underwood, who let it fly with the inside of his boot... the ball bent away from the 'keeper and went for the far post and hit the side netting. 1-0 to the home side, and the tension in the stands was released all at once. It was Underwood's first goal of qualifiers.

Usually the first goal wakes up the other team. But tonight, it was the 70,000 packed into the National Stadium that woke up. A hearty chorus burst forth, and it only fed the Dancougar attack. Rather than let Nire and Nire get back into the match, the Wings went for the kill. Five minutes after the first goal, they got the second. Nire and Nire got the counterattack they'd been waiting for and ran five men into space against three defenders, but a through ball was cut out by Berber and turned upfield. Instantly, Dancougar had the advantage. Sho Yukikaze sent it long for Whittaker, who stepped over one challenge and slipped it into space for Dylandy. Dylandy had a free shot from 15 yards out and took it... right under the 'keeper! 2-0!

The Black Wing midfield continued to keep possession, but now they turned down the gas a bit to avoid opening up at the back. Jinguuji came off in the 68th for a midfielder, Hikaru Waya. Then, a straight defensive swap in the 75th - Mikhail Balalaika on for Milan van der Horst. The fresh legs paid off when the next Nire and Nire rush broke down on the left side. Balalaika, running stride for stride with the winger, cut off his angle and allowed time for the rest of his defense to pull back and cover Watanabe. Waya's entrance into midfield signaled the onset of the possession game. The Wings passed the ball around and occasionally looked forward, but they didn't want anything to threaten the lead.

Nire and Nire had two more good chances, but each time, Watanabe was equal to the task. The first came in the 83rd off a corner kick. Yukikaze let his man escape custody and send a glancing header at Watanabe, but the Dancougar 'keeper reacted to punch it over the bar. Then, in injury time, with everything thrown forward in attack, the Nireans were gifted a look at the open goal when a delayed run into the box caught Berber napping. Watanabe reached for the low cross and watched it glide past. Balalaika and the Nirean forward both slid for the ball... and also watched it miss everything and pass over the line.

The win is the third straight shutout for the Wings and the sixth straight match from which they've taken points. But DuPont says he'll make sure the team knows that none of that matters if they don't qualify for the World Cup. "You can win every game 5-0, but if you lose two or three and bow out, then it's all been meaningless," he said. "It comes down to three points. We have to travel. And Cypron will make us earn them."

THE ROCKET REPORT

A DEATH BLOW?

Az-Cz- Losses like this are hard to cover as a journalist. Despite the score, and the fact that it may be (and probably is) a result that you will not be able to overcome, you want to cover it the same way you covered that 5-nil victory with the week before. Even though most of your readership probably doesn’t want to hear it. They know the result, they know that it likely means no World Cup playoff, so the desire to read a recap just really isn’t there for most. (Unless you think East Ying can beat Az-Cz). If we have any Az-cz immigrants living in Newmanistan, we would advise them to go online and load up an Az-cz website, assuming there is coverage of the World Cup there, because we know that they haven’t done anything for the last two Cups but declare their entry. We could still try to cover it, but given the fact that we don’t know who any of the people from Az-cz were, we really couldn’t do it justice.

So here’s a very, very brief summary. We lost three-nil, putting us in fourth, a point behind Az-cz. Unless East Ying finds some magic and defeats them next week, what we do against Liventia is meaningless in regards to getting the playoff spot. Sure, it won’t be meaningless for that thing called KPB points, and that should provide enough motivation for the players to go out there and give it their best. If we beat Liventia, and East Ying somehow finds a way to even get a draw against Az-cz, we’re still in. So don’t give up, we just have to root for a very unlikely source. Our staff here at the Rocket Report has made numerous calls to the East Ying sports stations, urging them to post about twenty roleplays (what exactly this means, we don’t know) in the next twenty hours or so. However these calls have been unsuccessful, and such a sudden media frenzy to come from there is unlikely.

Post Game Comments? We still got ‘em!

Carson: “It wasn’t going to be easy, but I am proud of my team for the effort they put forth to get to this point.” (In other words, your typical coach response of we just a lost a big game, it sucks, but I don’t want to say anything to make people hate me)

Brooker: “Very tough indeed. We didn’t get the job done, there’s nothing else to say. We still have a chance. If we beat Liventia and get some help from East Ying we’re in, so we can’t get to down.”

Parnett: “We have a big game coming up in Olympia to redeem ourselves after this mess. We’re not done yet.”

McAllister: “We ran into a determined team today and maybe we weren’t on our best form. But until they say we are officially eliminated, we are not. And I tell ya we’re going to out and take it out on Liventia.”

"Alright. This is it. It's time to show everyone we're worth something, that it was no fluke we qualified last time, that we are a serious football team." Mark Tupper loved a good team talk. It made him feel less like a 47-year old has-been who spent much of his playing career waiting on tables on the side.

"So! This game is critical, it is a game we should win, but if things don't go according to plan, what should you remember?"

---INTERMISSION FOR HAIKU---

Prepare for a quite
Obvious pair of words which you
Should have seen coming

-----------------------------

"Don't panic!" the players echoed.

"If the goalie gets sent off and we've used all three subs, what should you do?"

"Don't panic!"

"If a supervolcano erupts under the stadium and threatens to wipe out all life on Earth, what should you do?"

The players exchanged glances.

"What should you do?"

"Don't... panic?"

"Yes, because you'll be killed instantly. Shouldn't be too painful, a rather good way to go, all things considered. Now let's go out there and win this match!"

"Uh, coach..." said Petr Zherdek tentatively.

"Yes?"

"Is there something you know that we don't? About the supervolcano thing?"

"Just go out and play, you imbecile."

THE QUALIFICATION REVELATION
OF FR. JOHN THE GOLDEN-THROATED

The Last Match

[1] And after the 3-1 victory over Ixania, I heard a great voice of many people, saying, Alleluia; Salvation, and glory, and honour, and power, unto the Lord our God:
[2] For true and righteous are his judgments: for he hath judged the heretics of MAGNA SANCTA SEDES, which did corrupt the earth with their fornication, and hath avenged the blood of his servants at their hand, even before the final match.
[3] And again they said, Alleluia. For the heretics must now defeat us by four clear goals to reach automatic qualification ahead of us.
[4] And the squad and the crowd fell down and worshipped God that sat on the throne, saying, Amen; Alleluia.
[5] And a voice came out of the throne, saying, Praise our God, all ye his servants, and ye that fear him, both small and great.
[6] And I heard as it were the voice of a great multitude, and as the voice of many waters, and as the voice of mighty thunderings, saying, Alleluia: for the Lord God omnipotent reigneth.
[7] Let us be glad and rejoice, and give honour to him: for the final match is to come.
[8] And to us was granted that failure is surely almost impossible.
[9] And he saith unto me, Write, 'Blessed are they which are called unto the final match of qualification'. And he saith unto me, These are the true sayings of God.
[10] And I fell at his feet. And he said unto me, See thou do it not: I am thy fellowservant, and of thy brethren that have the testimony of Jesus: worship God: for the testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy.
[11] And I saw heaven opened, and behold a white horse; and the squad that sat upon him was called Faithful and True, and in righteousness they doth judge and make war.
[12] Their eyes were as a flame of fire, and on their heads were many crowns; and they had a name written, that no man knew, but they themselves.
[13] And they were clothed with a vesture dipped in blood: and they were called The Squad of the Archregimancy.
[14] And the armies which were in heaven followed them upon white horses, clothed in fine linen, white and clean.
[15] And out of their feet cometh a mighty goal, that with it they should smite MAGNA SANCTA SEDES: and he shall rule them with a rod of iron: and he treadeth the winepress of the fierceness and wrath of Almighty God.
[16] And he hath on his vesture and on his thigh a name written, KING OF KINGS, AND LORD OF LORDS.
[17] And I saw an angel standing in the sun; and he cried with a loud voice, saying to all the fowls that fly in the midst of heaven, Come and gather yourselves together to watch the Archregimancy's victory over the heretics;
[18] That they shall defeat them, and their captains, and their followers, and all them that support them, both free and bond, both small and great.
[19] And I saw the heretics, and the Archregimancy, and their armies, gathered together to make war against upon the field of play.
[20] And heretics, and with them the false prophet that wrought miracles, with which he deceived them that had received the mark of the beast, and them that worshipped his image; these both were cast alive into defeat, as of fire burning with brimstone.
[21] And the remnant were slain with the many goals of them that sat upon the horse, which goals proceeded out of their feet:


[1] And I saw an angel come down from heaven, having the key of the bottomless pit and a great chain in his hand.
[2] And he laid hold on the dragon, that old serpent, which is the Devil, and MAGNA SANCTA SEDES, and bound them a thousand years,
[3] And cast them into the bottomless pit, and shut them up, and set a seal upon them, that he should deceive the nations no more, till the thousand years should be fulfilled: and after that they must be loosed a little season.
[4] And I saw thrones, and the Archregimancy's squad sat upon them, and judgment was given unto them: and I saw the souls of them that were defeated in football for the witness of Jesus, and for the word of God, and which had not worshipped the beast, neither his image, neither had received his mark upon their foreheads, or in their hands; and they lived and reigned with Christ a thousand years.
[5] But most of the seven squads in the group lived not again until the thousand years were finished. This is the first qualification.
[6] Blessed and holy is he that hath part in the first qualification: on such the Cup of Harmony hath no power, but they shall be priests of God and of Christ, and shall reign with him a thousand years.
[7] And when the thousand years are expired, MAGNA SANCTA SEDES shall be loosed out of their prison,
[8] And shall go out to deceive the nations which are in the four quarters of the earth, Gog and Magog, to gather them together to battle: the number of whom is as the sand of the sea.
[9] And they went up on the breadth of the earth, and compassed the camp of the saints about, and the beloved city: and fire came down from God out of heaven, and devoured them.
[10] And the devil that deceived them was cast into the lake of fire and brimstone, where the beast and the false prophet are, and shall be tormented day and night for ever and ever.
[11] And I saw a great white throne, and him that sat on it, from whose face the earth and the heaven fled away; and there was found no place for them.
[12] And I saw the dead, small and great, stand before God; and the books were opened: and another book was opened, which is the book of life: and the dead were judged out of those things which were written in the books, according to their works.
[13] And the sea gave up the dead which were in it; and death and hell delivered up the dead which were in them: and they were judged every man according to their works.
[14] And death and hell were cast into the lake of fire. This is the second death.
[15] And whosoever was not found written in the book of life was cast into the lake of fire.
[16] Thus endeth the Last Match and the campaign for qualification.

((OOC- Tynelia post))

"Brother-sister Emily, what did i tell you about these rabble rousing events? It is not the Lord of Scores will that we cause disruption in His name." Brother James said weakly from his sickbed.

"It wasn;t any of ours Brother James. i checked the information. None of our churches say they have even seen these people at their gatherings. It must be some imposters." Brother-sister Emily protested.

"The responsibility is still yours niece. Had you not created a precedent with your own actions, these copy-cats would not follow. And i am sure the government will not believe any claims of ours that these were not our people. Only though patience can we achieve our Lord's goals."

"But what are we to do? If these acts repeat then unbelievers shall bring us down no matter how much we say they were not of our faith."

"We must atone for our sins of course. That is why you and the others involved in your first plot shall organize a charity basketball game with proceeds donated to the poorer members of the game you disrupted. As this is not the Lord of Scores' true sport participation in this false sport shall be your punishment. However as we were not responsible for the other, there will be no like minded charity baseball event. That is not our sin so we shall not need to atone. This shall show the faithless that we are willing to admit to our errors and so spread His glory further."

"As you wish Brother James, but what if this happens again?"

"Then we shall find a way to overcome. But now i'm feeling tired. Tell me have our Hippos qualified?"

"Yes uncle, top of the group once more though one final match is to be played. The false hersies of the so called Holy Empire have been ignored in the light of the Lord of Scores' truth."

"Good, now let an old man rest."

"Of course uncle."

World Cup Qualification - Group 5
MD1: vs Gerainia (3-1) (@ Gwangdong Imperial Sports Complex and Stadium, Gwangju)
MD2: @ Ad'ihan (1-2) (@ Protectorate Stadium, Ad'ihan)
MD3: vs Universitus University (3-1) (@ King Kim Iljei Memorial Football Stadium, Malnira)
MD4: @ kenavt (4-1) (@ Granderson Stadium)
MD5: vs Lingdinis Insania (3-0) (@ Sanhaemun Football Stadium, Jinhwangdo)
M6: @ Kura-Pelland (0-3)
MD7: -bye-
MQ: vs Taeshan (1-0) (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD8: @ Gerainia (2-0)
MD9: vs Ad'ihan (1-1) (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD10: @ Universitus University (1-0)
MD11: vs kenavt (3-0) (@ Goguryeo Football Stadium, Hanseong)
MD12: @ Lingdinis Insania (5-1)
MD13: vs Kura-Pelland (1-0) (@ Cha Beomgeun Memorial Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD14: -bye-
PQ: TBD


Han Top Group On Final Matchday

HANGYEONG - With a final 1-0 win over Kura-Pelland, Ioshido Toki has again confirmed his place as one of the finest Qualification Coaches we've had. And with that win over Kura-Pelland, the Han take the Top of the Group for Matchday 13. Of course, Kura-Pelland have one more match against Gerainia and it should be an easy one for them. With that in mind, Qualification is certainly assured for the Han, as Ad'ihan made serious amends by thrashing kenavt with a 4-0 margin - again, we might add. In all, the same trio that started out the campaign as the forerunners to qualify are back on top, with W needing more than just a win to usurp Ad'ihan's spot.

We had the opportunity to hold a private interview with Ioshido Toki, as we reflect on this momentous occasion:

MBC: Thank you for holding this interview with us.

吉田: Not a problem. I'm pleased to offer this, with qualification assured.

MBC: I'll cut to a few sensitive topics. First of all, a freelance writer suggested that the IFA was responsible for the startling success of this Catholic pariah, MSS. He went on to suggest that the IFA was also responsible for the Han's success. What do you think about that?

吉田: It's an insult really. To the players, to the teams we competed against. To everyone. The IFA would not comprise the spirit of the competition by bribing officials or ensuring our success. No one does that. I don't do that. And to be frank, it's even more insulting to our opponents, who have to live with this stigma that they lost because they couldn't bribe enough. It's just demoralizing for everyone in the sport. Those teams we defeated fought with dignity, and making bribery claims just makes that dignity seem worthless.

MBC: That's an honorable response. What do you think about the Han's chances in the World Cup this time around?

吉田: It's still a little intimidating for me, I'll be honest. But with two years behind the belt, I'm fairly confident that I can manage the task. I know that the players have a lot of experience too, so we can be assured that we're not looking to sit around the sidelines again. We'll make it to the Second Round. After that, it'll be history to decide what we do.

MBC: How do you feel about returning to your home country?

吉田: Well, at this point, I'd be thrilled to return home. But with the Group Draw not set in stone, I'd be happy enough to go to Septentrionie. Cafundeu is a much better place though, and I'd imagine that some of my countrymen would be supporting the Han, especially with the history between our two peoples. We've hosted the Cup of Harmony together, so there's that organizational friendship as well.

MBC: What about Starblaydia's chances? Will they win another World Cup?

吉田: I think that they have a hard task before them. It's always especially tough for the champions to live up to a reputation, because it puts more unnecessary pressure upon the players. That said, they've gone undefeated in the Qualification Stage, so I'd imagine that they're taking the right steps for now. However, Valanora had a similar task handed to them, and they fowled up at the Semifinals, which is always a great disappointment. But we'll see if things change around a bit.

MBC: There have been some concerns that the top-three are consistently a trio of undeserving countries. What do think about that?

吉田: Undeserving? How can you deserve to win? You earn that right. The SLANI, Valanora, and whatever that third country is - they've been doing this game for a while now. It's insulting when people make claims like this. I'll admit that they're a bit lucky, but there was once a time when we stuck at the bottom of the World Cup Qualification, and this is now our third consecutive successful qualification attempt. It takes time to build up a good team. And with the success of our U-21 players, I'd imagine that the Han will be aiming to capitalize on their success in the near future.

MBC: There have been talks that if the Han don't make it to the Second Round, that you will be released from the team. What do you think about these rumors?

吉田: Well, the IFA reserves the right to do something like that. After all, 3 years in a row might be perceived by some as a poor habit. I'd respect it. And aside from that, the last Head Coach (Cha Beomgeun) set a very standard by which I've been measured - and I'm not taken aback by it. He's not one of the best coaches in the world, but considering his immeasurable success in his World Cup, his standard is really something to which all aspiring coaches should measure. I'm hoping that the players and I can work something out in the meantime that emulates that success, but only time will tell whether we've done some good.

MBC: Who do you think will win the World Cup?

吉田: Well, if we're going by the standard set by the OFC, I'd guess Cafundeu. I'm not sure who discovered that, but every World Cup Champion since WC39 has come through the OFC and lost the Final Match the Season before the World Cup. This tradition has come to include the runner-up Starblaydia from the last contest. But I'm personally judging that it's a bunch of superstition. You can't really expect something like that to predict the next World Cup Champion. Still, I'm enthralled by the idea, since Cafundeu would be up for the contention. They're a strong team, and I haven't seen the rosters yet, but they're now a perpetual force to contend in the World Cup.

MBC: Any of the top three in contention?

吉田: Valanora is a good one. They've reached the semifinals numerous times, although they've also failed to move past it a number of times, winning the most number of 3PPO matches that I've seen in recent history. But the SLANI are also impressive. Both of them recently won the World Cup, so they're good contenders. Valanora seems to be the stronger team this time around, but as we all recall, some of the best teams in qualification sometimes turn out to be the worst performers in the World Cup. But then again, I really don't like to speculate. There's too many variables, and I'd hate to put the players and their coaches in any more pressure than they already have. We should be enjoying a game of football, not betting it.

MBC: Enlightening news. Thank you for joining with us.

吉田: Pleasure was all mine.

“…ust saying that I honestly think it’s going to be a much more difficult game than we all seem to think.”

“Fine, but I’m not saying we should rest half the team or anything. But are you honestly telling me that An Blascaod Mór should worry us, in any way, shape or form? Do you really think that they’d give, I dunno, Exeter Trident or…”

“Club Gymnasia y Fútbol de Concepción del Lo Tártaro.”

“Yeah, or them; d’you honestly think An Blascaod Mór’d give ‘em a game?”

“In their own back yard, yeah, absolutely.”

“We’ve already played in a back yard once this campaign, and we won that one…”

“But just look what they did to Zwangzug! They know these conditions; we don’t. Our players are used to carpets, comfortably-sized stadia. Not piddling little islands.”

“That’s why they’ve been training on Plokey Island though.”

“Yeah, and what a ridiculous idea that was. It’s a totally different situation; it’d be like preparing for Bettia by playing a friendly against the Gogs.”

“Is there any such concept…? Have you noticed how rubbish they are at the moment, by the way? Lookin’ at that group, I really wouldn’t want us playing Kereca again if it came to a play-off.”

“Ross Zapata’s been immense this year for Green Island, aye, but moving back to the subject in hand…”

“Mm, sorry, yes. Do go on.”

“…do you think there’s any chance of Kosovoe doing us a favour?”

“No. No, there’s no argument, we need a win over there. That’s why I’m saying we need to play Rául Vélez, Cohen and Richardson. Guys who’re really going to roll their sleeves up. And Siriwong, maybe, but it’s one thing scoring against the United Island Empire, it’s quite anoth–”

“Are they just about the worst side in World Cup qualifying history? Not statistically like, but Club Gymnasia y Fútbol de Concepción del Lo Tártaro’s schoolboys could’ve beaten them, I reckon.”

“I just think, honestly, when you look at who we could face in the play-offs – Magna Sancta Sedes, Quakmybush, Prux, Bloumany… Does that honestly bother any of you?”

“…Ad’ihan, Lovisa, A-Zed-See-Zed, for heaven’s sake! I’d be concerned, sure. We go straight there, or I’ve got a horrible feeling we don’t get there at all.”

“Alright, moving on to the league – do we really think now that Albrecht FC have a chanc–”

“A-hem.”

The Ministry of Remedial Teaching operatives turned sharply and blushed as a unit.

“Afternoon, sir… Former sir. Still sir, respectfully speaking, but not actually, in any practical sense…”

“Good evening, Sam,” Lyndon Hernández smiled, as he hoovered up a pile of papers into his arms. “Just a thought, but shouldn’t you lot be doing something vaguely useful? Like, ooh, I dunno; bribing some regional journalists, or helping some poor, unfortunate, mindnumbingly dumb but regrettably correct individuals to attain spiritual enlightenment in a manner that entirely avoids discussing real-life elves? Or, indeed, explaining politely to the denizens of Arrigo why a small but noticeable proportion of the recent Squornshelan immigrants are around two-foot tall, of slightly pinkish hue and wander around muttering ‘Cor, strike a light, guv’nor, and no mistake; this city is pwopa peas in a pot, this nickel an’ dime o’ year, ain’t it? And why ain’t they playin’ Jamie González instead o’ that Merlin Siriwong, that’s wot I wanna knaaa’.”

“We did drop the ball on that one a little…”

“Y’think? Sam, do you not think we have enough problems with the beans, than having hundreds – hundreds – of people waking up with Squornshelan Svartálfar kneeling on their chests trying to give them nightmares. And with a cheeky grin and mockney accent, at that. That sort of thing really messes people up.”

“We’ve got the situation contained, Lyndon,” a voice behind the former minister said calmly. The agents took this as an opportunity to disperse with a few mumbled farewells, as Hernández turned to face Joe Melbourne.

“I’m well aware of that. And you’ve done a good job,” Hernández conceded magnanimously. “But you can’t keep relying on prescriptions of nightol and a brief talk about the memetic transfer of the nightmare-inducing goblin concept forever. It should never have happened in the first place.”

“Because you did such a marvellous job with the gnomes. Or the kyrkogrims. Or the seal-people.”

“Hey! The seal-people weren’t my fault!”

“The point is, Lyndon, we’re all only human. We all make mistakes. We’ve given the new svarts a good talking to –”

“They shouldn’t even be here!”

“Have a heart. Their country’s ceased, their closest biological cousins happen to reside here. We’ll cope. Were you here for any particular reason then, Lyndon?”

Hernández growled inwardly. The well-honed patronising chumminess, the overuse of other people’s first names, the lightning-quick changes of subject; Melbourne seemed to have modelled his entire persona on his predecessor at the Ministry. Was I really that insufferable? Hernández wondered. I know that was the point, but still…

“Just picking some stuff up,” he said, motioning to the pile of papers. “Regarding the SED crisis. They’ve got me investigating it for parliament,” he added.

Melbourne rolled his eyes. “Ugh, again with the RP-inin. Why do they have to denigrate the academic achievements of our young people so?”

“Gosh… That’s a very ‘us’ comment. Whatever happened to Morton’s straight-talking liberal hawks?”

Melbourne grinned. “We got elected. Never mind though, Lyndon, we’re only half a dozen Unionist by-election victories from a constitutional crisis. And then what might happen, hm? President Hernández, I can see it now…”

“Oh, come on…”

“Don’t tell me you’ve never consid…”

The minister trailed off as another pair of M.O.R.T. people wandered down the corridor, engrossed in a discussion on whether Joel Sbaïz’s performance in KT Hotspur’s five-four aggregate defeat to South Coast United warranted questions over his international place.

“It never ceases to amaze me…”

“I’ll be glad when it’s all over,” Hernández sighed.

“Oh, I don’t know about that. I’m rather looking forward to the World Cup, assuming we qualify. I have a feeling that we’ll never forget it…”

The pair stared at each other impassively.

“I should get going…”

“Yeah, and me. Nice to see you here, Lyndon!” Melbourne called out as Hernández hurried down the corridor and out into the Albrecht rain. “You’re welcome at the Ministry any time! Place just isn’t the same without you…”

Q Dish watchers laugh at QSPN's lack of Knowledge

Oh wow sometimes watching those QSPN soccer broadcasts you get this feeling like the programers got no idea what hes talking about. Just watching here in Taeshan on Taeshans Broadcasting network the Taes people have found two errors. First off Lovisa has a bye and cant do anything about there place, and secondly Taeshan plays Kose and the Turkomens so it will most likely be a pretty sure thing when everything happens.

This report comes just days before the big final qualifying match between the Purple Knights and the Turks. Its big its bad, and its coming to a p[lace near you Atlantea that is. Come to the game on friday.

Father Ted with the Latin Patriarch of Jerusalem ...

Ted: What happened to you?
Patriarch: Oh, Princess Marie got a bit excited.
Ted: I thought a girl kinda attacked you.
Patriarch: Oh, she grabbed the nearest person around when Jeruselem beat them heretics.

Ted: So you smell like you went to whorehouse now?
Patriarch: I suppose I do now.
Ted: Interesting hat
Patriarch: Marie insisted on knitting something for me.

Ted: She's pretty good
Patriarch: Actually, it's not too bad. Colours are a bit too bright.
Ted: Keeping it?
Patriarch: She's be offended if I bin it, and she is running the country along with her sisrer.

Ted: I like it.
Patriarch: You can have it then.
Ted: It might even be a collector's item.
Patriarch: Depends who you ask.

Ted: She's not a bad girl really, is she?
Patriarch: I prefer Jacinta, she's a bit more controlled even she is a Jewbee.
Ted: Jacinta is cute, Marie is foxy.
Patriarch: It's like Dazza Dallas running Jeruselem.

Ted: She does - in a way.
Patriarch: Dazza is a strange woman.
Ted: Yes she is.
Patriarch: But one can't hate her.

RP Cutoff for Matchday 14

Participants of the World Cup, you are probably asking: where are the tables? I can't find them anywhere!

Well, surely you won't find them in Septentrionia or in another nation that doesn't have the amount of goods that we can offer to you. But here, in the Casas Espinal, you can find this and much more: not only football tables, but also tables for your dinner room and to use in your living room to play board games! And what about ironing tables? You can find them here too! Torture tables? Of course, from many different brands!

And our megastore, although specialized in furniture and basic electronic equipments, can offer a wide range of objects for you to buy! As soon as you enter in our giant stores, you won't be able to leave without spending some money... as you'll have to pay to enter! But not only because of that, but because we have everything... and, among so many things, you have to buy something!

So, come now to one Casas Espinal megastore and enjoy!

And is Casas Espinal that offers you... the final tables! (here!) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13982650&postcount=18)

QBC WORLD CUP 42 COVERAGE

"Hello all, I'm Beck Davidham, and the qualifiers are over, except for the playoff matches, so let's take a quick look at who have qualified for World Cup 42 before today:

Jeruselem
Tynelia
The Holy Empire
Wentland
QAZOX
Daehanjeiguk
Kura-Pelland
Sorthern Northland
Valanora
Demot
Bazalonia
Bostopia
Capitializt SLANI
Milchama
Starblaydia

And now the teams that qualified today:

The Archregimancy
Yafor 2
Kelssek
Jasīʼyūn
Yafalonia and Bazor 2
Bettia
Zwangzug
Candelaria And Marquez
Lovisa
Vephrall


Including the 2 hosts, this bring up the number to 27, meaning there are 5 spots open. The 10 teams fighting it out for the final spots are:

Magna Sancta Sedes (21pts)
Kercea (23pts)
Kose and The Turkomans (23pts)
Rennidan (22pts)
Ad'ihan (24pts)
Az-cz (22pts)
Blouman Empire (24pts)
Prux (20pts)
Dancougar (24pts)
Jeru FC (22pts)


Based on our calculations we believe that the playoff matchups are (with our predicted winners in bold):
Prux v. Ad'ihan
Dancougar v. Magna Sancta Sedes
Blouman Empire v. Jeru FC
Kose and The Turkomans v. Az-cz
Rennidan v. Kercea
We do remind our viewer that the playoff draw is not confirmed and this is just our predictions based on various criteria.


Shockingly teams that didn't qualify for the playoffs include: Taeshan, Green wombat, Quakmybush, Newmanistan, and Krytenia (they withdrew).

So in 3 months, we'll see you in either Septentrionia or Cafundéu.

QAZOX Goals In qualifying):
Valladores: 7
Jaus: 7 (2 PK)
Tarricone: 4
de Olivares: 4
Christian: 4
Cruz-Preli: 3 (1 PK)
Spingler: 2
Marquis: 3
Erca: 2
St. Louis: 1
Schultz: 1
Lopes: 1

Green Wombat Daily Tattler

After being eliminated last week, Green wombat took on Blouman Empire and lost 2-1, ensuring a losing record in qualifying, and the GWFA is seriously considering withdrawing from the upcoming CoH, as they believe that they honestly have no chance to win it, and the tourney should invite a team that at least has a chance to win in their stead.

SCORING:
BE: 34'
BE: 66'
GW: Dale Henke- 85'

SCHEDULE:
MD1: vs. Ron Paulovia WIN 3-2
MD2: @ Valanora Draw 3-3
MD3: vs. Demot Lost 1-3
MD4: @ West Zirconia Draw 2-2
MD5: BYE
MD6: vs. Central Prestonia WIN 3-0
MD7: @ Blouman Empire Lose 1-3
BYE DATE
MD8: @ Ron Paulovia WIN 1-0
MD9: vs. Valanora Lost 1-5
MD10: @ Demot Lost 1-4
MD11: vs. West Zirconia Draw 2-2
MD12: BYE
MD13: @ Central Prestonia WIN 1-0
MD14: vs. Blouman Empire Lost 1-2


RECORD: 4-3-5 (ELIMINATED)
GOALS:
Utley: 5
Henke: 5
Blessing: 4
Wilcox: 3
Karp: 1
Huskey: 1

Dancougar News!!
In the words of Homer Simpson... DO'H!

Dancougar 2 @ 2 Cypron (FT): Tragedy for Dancougar, euphoria for Lovisa! The Wings stumbled on the road against eliminated Cypron, drawing 2-2 and needing a late goal to do it. This sends them to the playoffs, with their opponent to be determined. Several quality sides await, which leaves Charles DuPont nervous heading into the final tie.

"I have nothing to say except that we let ourselves and our fans down," he said after the match. "We'll have to regroup and prepare for our next opponent." The Wings have been in similar playoffs before, which were their path to World Cup 40. They beat KaMaRi twice then, but the list of names in the playoffs this time around would make anyone second-guess the Wings' chances of their third straight cup.

DuPont warned his team that Cypron were better than their standing indicated, and they opened the scoring on 13 minutes to stun the Wings. A give-and-go near the top of the Dancougar box opened things up for a clear shot at goal, which goalkeeper Yuji Watanabe could only watch sizzle by. And Milan van der Horst will have to take full blame for that one. He was caught flat-footed by the move and was providing lazy cover at the top, mistakenly believing that Casey Berber was right behind him.

The home fans were delighted, and the looks on the Dancougar faces were disheartening. One could almost picture the thoughts dancing through their minds... the Lovisan team, huddled around the set, leaping with joy at the Cypron goal and cheering every time a Dancougar attack broke down. Jericho Leyton tried to get something started with Lyle Dylandy on the right, but Dylandy's shot was miles over the bar. But the Wings, knowing what was at stake, pushed for the equalizer. After turning aside a Cypron advance, Leyton passed over to Kevin Underwood, who popped it over the top for Dan Potts. Potts collected the ball twenty five yards out and got a good first touch as he picked up a step on his defender. He fired low as soon as he entered the box. Equalizer!

That got a little spark back in their step, but the hosts were clearly running with a little extra in the tank on this day. Right before halftime, they grabbed the lead and all the momentum. They attacked the left side and Underwood committed a hard foul thirty yards away, drawing the ire of the home fans and a yellow card from the official. Watanabe set up a two-man wall and prepared to face the kick, which curled into the box and away from goal... right to the head of a charging midfielder! Watanabe made a token dive for the ball, but he was well and truly beat. Dial it up: 2-1 at the break.

DuPont tried to fire up his team, which had 45 minutes to assert itself as a World Cup-caliber team. But the mood was somewhat somber. "They were all over us," said Leyton. "I've been at this for years, now, and it still hurts when you think you have a game in hand... it just makes you feel so tired on the field, really out of it."

And so Dancougar's drive for the win began. It was an uphill battle all the way. The crowd was against them, the Cypron defense was packed tight, and the nagging doubts that they really weren't good enough were rushing to the forefront. Five minutes passed, and then ten. Half an hour left, and still no sign of the equalizer, let alone the go-ahead goal. Shiro Furuya came on for Benjamin Whittaker to make it a 4-3-3. The Wings started to generate more chances. Dylandy shot wide of goal. Potts hit the post with a header. The minutes ticked away.

Then in the 72nd, the possibility of victory crept back into the Dancougar faithful. Potts, frustrated at his inability to put the ball away, pushed forward with a solitary run that took him past three Cypron players. As he reached the top of the box, he faked the 'keeper out and slipped the ball square for Furuya. Furuya one-timed it into the back of the net, and suddenly it was game on. Less than twenty minutes to find the winner... twenty minutes to book their trip to the World Cup. Someone forgot to tell the Cyrprese.

The goal was their signal to abandon their defensive approach and go for a winner themselves. There was more space available in the midfielder for some frantic attacking by both sides. Watanabe was forced to make a big save in the 81st when a lofted shot nearly found its way between him and the crossbar, but he managed to tip it over while backpedaling into his goal. Potts had a crack in the 86th, but at that point, the Wings were starting to force things impatiently. Panic was definitely setting in. Potts' shot was taken off balance and it careened wide of goal. It was to be the Wings' last good look at the net.

The whistle blew, and the players hung their heads as they marched off the field. Two more matches, now, will decide their destiny. For DuPont, it's a bitter pill to swallow. "No excuses... we knew what we had to do," he said. "All credit to Cypron. We'll have to take stock of the situation tomorrow and formulate a plan to move forward."

THE EMPRIE TIMES

EAGLES THROUGH TO THE PLAYOFFS

The Blouman International Football team are through to the playoffs with a total of 24 points from seven wins and three draws. While the team had made it after match day 13 with a 3-0 win over West Zirconia, they cemented their position last night with a 2-1 win over 4th place team Green Wombat.

The playoff draw is to be made later today and the Eagles are already busily preparing for the next game and know that they will be coming up a tough opponent. Manager Henry Scweppe stated that he is happy that the team made it to the playoffs considering the teams that they drew in the group draw and is confident that the team can still qualify for the cup proper. This is Scweppe's second attempt at qualification and the team has placed third again, however, Scweppe will need to redeem himself and has stated that the team has the potential to qualify for the world cup.

So the world cup qualifying campaign finished with two more games played.

Land de Wood 2–3 Bazalonia

A close fought game that showed Land de Wood while already eliminated could still mix it with the big teams. A couple of goals for Richard Higgins kept us in the game but sadly we couldn't snatch a point.

Nuevos Aires 0–2 Land de Wood

A chance for our reserves to show us what they were made of. If it was down to our first 11 then we would have expected a cricket score. But Andrew Wood decided that the reserves needed some playing time.

Young target man David Bomber took the opportunity to remind Andrew Wood what he is made of with a quality header from young Kevin Wallace's cross. Meanwhile a Denis Whitemore freekick sealed the victory.

Well we may not have qualified this time, but finishing fourth can certainly be considered a successful campaign.

CORRECTION:
Our congratulations to Magna Sancta Sedes for causing the upset of the world cup qualifying campaign and being the only newcomers to reach the playoffs for the world cup. While we may have had a disagreement or two with them during the Baptism of Fire we are delighted to see this young nation upset the applecart and qualify for the playoffs for the world cup at the first attempt.

Greal's final match started off with Bazalonia scoring early. However, Greal's stubborn defense kept Bazalonia from scoring for the rest of the game. Howard Anderson managed to score in the last ten minutes of the match, but Greal failed to score anything, and both teams were tied at the end of the match.

It was over. They sent congratulations to all teams, especially Magna Sancta Sedes, who were admired in Greal, and was the only new nation to get into the play-offs in their first world cup qualifying campaign. Greal's team departed from their stadium and headed back to Sasha. No more World Cup 42 matches for Greal.

For the next few weeks, the people of Greal will watch the World Cup 42 as it progresses.


Schedule

20/8 (wed) - qualifying MD01 @ Nuevos Aires (WIN 1-0)
21/8 (thu) - qualifying MD02 vs Bostopia (LOSS 0-5)
22/8 (fri) - qualifying MD03 @ Prux (LOSS 0-2)
23/8 (sat) - qualifying MD04 vs. Arroza (DRAW 1-1)
24/8 (sun) - qualifying MD05 @ Land de Wood (LOSS 1-3)
25/8 (mon) - qualifying MD06 OFF DAY/BYE (No Matches)
26/8 (tue) - qualifying MD07 vs. Bazalonia (LOSS 1-3)
27/8 (wed) - mid-qualifying friendlies (Caf) (No Matches)
28/8 (thu) - qualifying MD08 vs Nuevos Aires (WIN 3-0)
29/8 (fri) - qualifying MD09 @ Bostopia (LOSS 0-3)
30/8 (sat) - qualifying MD10 vs Prux (LOSS 0-2)
31/8 (sun) - qualifying MD11 @ Arroza (DRAW 1-1)
1/9 (mon) - qualifying MD12 vs Land de Wood (DRAW 1-1)
2/9 (tue) - qualifying MD13 OFF DAY/BYE (No Matches)
3/9 (wed) - qualifying MD14 @ Bazalonia (DRAW 1-1)

"Thanks to you all..." slurred Mark Tupper with at least six standard drinks in him, "I can now call myself the greatest... football manager of Kelssek.... ever!" he declared, thrusting his arms in the air and inadvertently spilling his Bacardi onto the physiotherapist.

"Qualification, and it feels so good! Whoohoo!"

The players and team staff cheered, encouraging Mark Tupper to finish what was left of his drink. He staggered to the sofa, accepted a cocktail in a plastic cup, and promptly passed out.

Some of the players in a less advanced state of inebriation took the opportunity to decorate their manager with toothpaste and attach balloons to him.

Party now, they told themselves, for tomorrow it's training with hangovers. Training for the finals of the World Cup.

The Albrecht Herald Online>Sport>Football
Huh? What? Hm? What? Really? Why? Really?! Wow.
By Mack Hession

Not, of course, that I approve of the senseless destruction of one of nature’s creatures merely for the price of a taste sensation, but Mmm; that minted roast lamb tastes good t’night.

Yes, move over Green Wombat – there’s a new utterly-undeserving-but-utterly-grateful World Cup qualifier in town, and it’s all thanks to the good people at the Krytenian Football Association. The international media are still in the dark, Scotchpinestan-style, over why the Aces were removed from contention to make the final thirty-two, and frankly we don’t care very much. All it means from this end is that, thanks to some points-based jiggery-pockery, the Big Blues are back at the World Cup. If we had a Krytenian community tucked away somewhere, we’d be fêting them with all sorts of kisses and riches right now. We don’t, as far as I’m aware, so we’ll just fête in their country’s general direction anyhow.

In all fairness, C&M’s qualification isn’t entirely without merit. While the critics could point to the likes of Kosovoe and the United Island Empires, who the Big Blues beat 16-0 over the four games, and claim that Group Seven wasn’t exactly the toughest on offer; Kris Healy’s men still accrued more points than the Yaforites, Kelssek, Jayesswye, Lovisa and Vephrall. You can certainly make a case for C&M deserving to by-pass the play-offs… but you wouldn’t want to make it very loudly.

http://i176.photobucket.com/albums/w175/candelariaandmarquez/beiginis1.png

Just hours ago, such an outcome was an impossible dream in the period of mourning that followed a one-all draw against the best an island nation of fewer than one hundred and fifty people could manage. By the time the match on the island of Beiginis (above) had ground to a halt at one-all, the results from Sekore Island and Port Kosove had already filtered through to those C&M natives and Candelariasian Sortherners who had braved a stomach-churning ferry trip from Northland to An Blascaod Mór, and on to the flat little island where the Big Blues’ date with destiny was took place. All in all, it was a thoroughly grim experience for all but the hardiest travellers, having arrived expecting a victory that would seal C&M’s place at the top of the group.

It started off well enough, for the sun was shining and the mood between the two sets of supporters amicable; and when Dionísio Madeira Lobos well and truly shut up his critics with a glorious finish from Matteo Corradini’s ninth-minute pass, the possibility of a rout began to rear its jolly little head.

Yet somehow, it never quite materialised. C&M dominated possession, as you might expect, and created more than a few chances and, had Tom Smith and Niv Cohen in particular been a little less worn out from their recent bevy of domestic and global matches for their clubs, the score might well have swung decisively in C&M’s direction before the first half hour was up. Instead however, home goalkeeper Tomás O’Neil was in fine fettle and kept just the single goal in it at half-time, at which point everything changed.

http://i176.photobucket.com/albums/w175/candelariaandmarquez/beiginis2.png
An Blascaod Mór supporters gather for the big game

Specifically, the weather. A light drizzle had been forecast for that evening, by which time the players and supporters alike would have returned to the ‘mainland’. Instead, it came just a tad early and with a cheerfully woeful degree of force that had a thoroughly miserable Kerecan referee on the verge of calling time on the match after the first forty-five, when the possibility of the entire island being taken back by a vengeful ocean seemed a distinct likelihood. It proved a short, sharp shock however, and the rain had cleared up sufficiently after half an hour for the game to resume… on a pitch more suitable for water polo.

Three minutes later, Patrick Doyle beat Cohen to a header and dinked the ball onto a rare patch of grass at the feet of Muris O’Sullivan. The striker repeated his heroics against Zwangzug months before to equalise.

From a neutral’s perspective – had there been any neutrals remotely interested in this match, of course – this was a fascinating game. Running was impossible – each player instead placing each foot down delicately and precisely. There was no flat, dry ground per se on which to play the ball – instead every pass had to be conducted at at least half a foot above the surface. It all put one instinctively in mind of Subbuteo, and undoubtedly has a lot to recommend it as a future variant of the beautiful game, but for the Candelariasian players the novelty soon wore off. An Blascaod Mór packed the box, and there was simply no way through. By the eightieth minute, even the C&M substitutes had all but given up.

http://i176.photobucket.com/albums/w175/candelariaandmarquez/beiginis3.png
The superbly situated press box for the ABC v C&M encounter

That’s not to say there’s still any excuse for this kind of performance against a set of true World Cup minnows, and the travelling fans and players alike could be forgiven for leaving Beiginis with nary a smile etched upon their faces. They drowned their sorrows as best they could – though I’m pleased to report that none of them actually drowned themselves, which had been a major concern beforehand – before scrambled text message from relatives over in the Eastern Westlands regarding the decisions of the WCC began to filter through. From then on it was party time, and I’ll draw a veil over the proceedings up until the following morning. Suffice it to say I’m afraid, that twenty years or so from now the CAMAFA should have the opportunity of calling up more than a few natives of the diminutive republic.

All eyes then turn to the World Cup, though Healy remains coy over his expectations. Should just one of Ad’ihan, Az-cz or Dancougar fail to qualify through the play-offs, the Big Blues should slot into the third pot of seeds – potentially a major boost to our hopes of a last sixteen place. And were that to be achieved, who knows what could happen? One need only look at Kura-Pelland, semi-finalists last time out having been ranked thirty-third in the world.

We at least know what squad will be on hand to engineer C&M’s success or failure in Cafundéu or Septentrionia, after Healy confirmed that all twenty-four members would remain in place. That ended speculation from many that the poor form of Jason Federici would see the Cathedral City striker dropped from the group, in favour of Leonard Pinto, Kian Donnelly or even a shock return from Ramiro Novo. Ryan Edwards’ continuing injury problems had seen many pundits call for a return from José Felipe Cassumba Domingos, or for MN Smith’s Robin Jacobs to go straight into the squad. Even Matt Reddington’s presence had been questioned, given his relative age and heavy work-load with Arrigo Portuguese, with Green Island’s Lloyd Carpenter or C.A.L.’s Tom Ely in the running – or even, one National Reporter journalist had suggested in all seriousness, Spenson Suburbia ‘star’ Georgina Travis, given her recent good form.

The added interest of left-field surprise packages aside, Healy is clearly comfortable with this squad and looks wise to stick with what he knows. He’ll have one last chance to see them in action, when Taeshan visit Arrigo a month from now, but for now the Big Blues will disperse – back to the Candelarias, Kura-Pelland, Cafundéu and, in the case of Connor Mengucci, to Yuki City for the Champions’ Cup final. Another world-level winner on our books by the time the squad travels to the World Cup would be very welcome indeed.

Even if we can’t beat an island of a hundred and forty-three people. Those Eesseffians must be quaking in their knee-light leather boots.

The Beningrad Morning Star
Toulere out of work

Weeks of speculation finally came to an end today after it was confirmed that Sorthern Northland’s national football manager, Rodney Toulere, will be spending his time in his local jobcentre rather than on an all expenses paid jolly round Cafundeu and Septentrionia. Toulere’s position is alleged to have been precarious for much of the World Cup qualifying campaign as Sorthern Northland sped to the top of their group and then stayed there. At the official announcement a top SNFA official said, “Prior to the World Cup qualifying campaign we made it quite clear to Toulere that our and his goals for the present World Cup cycle was to win the Cup of Harmony. He has failed to reach that objective and therefore we had no choice but to terminate his contract following such an abject failure. The search for a new manager begins now and we are open to all applicants, anyone wishing to apply for the job should contact us with their CV.”

Reporters managed to track down Toulere as he did his shopping for his opinion, he is said to have told reporters, “I have failed my nation and for that I am sorry and that is all I will be saying at this present moment.” The sacking brings an end to the Toulere era, one that started with the success of the U21 team at the fourth Di Bradini Cup, took in a successful Cup of Harmony 33 and then culminated in the disappointing qualification for World Cup 42, which ends any hopes of winning the 34th Cup of Harmony. It seems Sorthern Northland’s Cup of Harmony 34 bid was always doomed to failure, as aside for the two match days they had off, they always topped the group. For now though Sorthern Northland have a second World Cup finals to participate in and it seems that will be the new managers first task as national team boss.

Natasha was hardly known for her stratagems. She was a rover, yet tended towards the offensive midfield. Somebody had to be there.

She stared politely at the appropriate touristy stuff in the United Island Empires, but took the field with an urgency that she didn't see in her teammates. And as the half wore on, the urgency festered into irritation. Were they even trying? They had their niches and they just stuck there. Not all boxes were painted on the field.

She ran on, sweating but too thrilled to tire. Finally, Rohit was open, and she pressed forward, passing on the way. And he converted it: one-nil to Zwangzug.

But the hosts held strong, and the score held until halftime. Coach Mcgimpy muttered some tactical stuff that Natasha merrily ignored, and then said something relevant. "Well, we've got the lead, and we'd like to hold onto it."

"Remind me why?" Andrew muttered darkly, having noted Dionísio's goal and the first from Bettia.

Mcgimpy continued. "Soo...Don't tell me. No, no...Bloomquist. That's who. Get out there when play starts up again, and...Sheldon, you rest up. Like to see you working hard out there." Michael brightened, glad for some recognition. "And...Keller, great job out there. You've earned a rest, I'm gonna put in Kempner."

"What!" she protested. "No way, I can stay in."

"I'm sure you can."

"But nobody else cares, look at them!"

"Of course we care!" Megan retorted. "We also know where we're supposed to play, and pace ourselves."

"I'm not tired, I can-"

"Kempner, get in there."

Natasha didn't argue very long. She wouldn't have had much of a chance if she had, but perhaps that too showed just how far Mcgimpy had come. He evaluated the situation of the match, chose tactics accordingly, talked to his players, and they followed his directions. For most coaches, not impressive.

But when Andrew was clearing the ball up to Brendan, busy as he should have been with the game, Natasha saw the videoboard flicker. "O'Sullivan scored!" Feverish then, she wanted to get back on the pitch, to have the match in her hands or at her feet. To matter.

Instead, she joined the team after the final whistle to keep track of the admittedly dull match in An Blascaod Mór. They'd made it through.

The playoff games are the following (home team in the 1st leg listed first):

Az-cz x Rennidan

Prux x Magna Sancta Sedes

Kose and the Turkomans x Ad'ihan

Kereca x Dancougar

Jeru FC x Blouman Empire

First leg will be tomorrow.

At a big concert with mainly army personnel ...

Announcer:
Hello Jeruselem, this is the Jeruselem Armed Forces homecoming for Jeru FC team! Our team have made the playoffs of the World Cup 42 and hopefully they can win the two legs to join Jeruselem in the finals. With us today, is a product of Jeru FC ... when a Jeru FC player knocks up their coach. It's our own Princess Jacinta Sasha Dallas!

<Crowd cheer loudly>

Jacinta: Hello! Hello!
Announcer: Also we have former Jeru FC Captain and Jeruselem defender Captain Celina Sadie Dallas! Our favourite army girl.
sadie: Oh thank you guys!
Announcer: And to talk to us about the team, the Jeru FC coach Alfredo Neves!

Alfredo: It's good to be here for my team.
Announcer: Alfredo, we face the Blouman Empire in the play-off ... are we going to win?
Alfredo: I'm not God or Maggie or whatever but Jeru FC will make an effort. We'll take up the fight and go for win.
Announcer: With Sadie here in the national team, is her replacement Rogue doing a good job?
Alfredo: Oh yes, I maybe call her horrible names during training but she's looking like great replacement for Sadie here.

Announcer: Sadie, since you've moved up into the big team - what do you think of the current team?

Sadie:
Well, we need to score more goals. We need to hold our shape in defense. At the moment, Jeru FC ain't quite doing that because all big teams like Jeruselem have great offense and good defense. Can't have one without the other if you're a contender.

Announcer: Jacinta, what about you?

Jacinta:
Jeru FC played really well to beat Vephrall 3-1 but they can't seem to maintain that standard. I think Jeru FC just have keep up the high standard because you must be consistent. Jeruselem won 6, lost 2 and won the last 4 during qualification. If you win, keeping winning because it's the only way to win this cup.

Announcer: Alfredo, are these girls being too critical?

Alfredo:
No no, they are right. Jeru FC suffer from inconsistency but I'm trying change that. My team will do it's best. Jeru FC are not Jeruselem and we must remember that but Jeru FC can get better. It's my fault if we can't do this because I'm the guy responsible for the campaign but it's the troops in my team who are ones who ultimately become the heroes or losers.

Announcer: What's our odds of making it?
Alfredo: 50/50 - the Blouman Empire have same chance as us. We just need work harder than them.

Announcer:
OK everyone, let us give a hand to Alfredo here and his team. Jeru FC have backing of Jeruselem and it's people as well as proud armed forces who defend our bikey nation. Now, Jacinta and Sadie will perform Jeru Girl for us. It's the national themesong for young women in Jeruselem. So, everyone enjoy the entertainment and don't forgot to support both Jeruselem and Jeru FC!

Jacinta: OK, are ready to PARTY!

<Crown yell YEAH>

Sadie: Let's get PARTY started!

World Cup Qualification - Group 1
MD1: vs Sel Appa (2-0)
MD2: @ Icy Cold Death Touch (0-0)
MD3: vs Kiryu-shi (3-1)
MD4: @ Ixania (2-1)
MD5: -bye-
MD6: vs Jeruselem (0-3)
MD7: @ The Archregimancy (1-1)
MQ: ---
MD8: @ Sel Appa (3-2)
MD9: vs Icy Cold Death Touch (2-2)
MD10: @ Kiryu-shi (1-0)
MD11: vs Ixania (2-1)
MD12: -bye-
MD13: @ Jeruselem (0-1)
MD14: vs The Archregimancy (0-1)
QM1: @ Prux
QM2: vs Prux
PQ: vs The Holy Empire (@ TBD)

«Né morte 'l giunse ancor, né colpa 'l mena»,
rispuose 'l mio maestro, «a tormentarlo;
ma per dar lui esperïenza piena,

a me, che morto son, convien menarlo
per lo 'nferno qua giù di giro in giro;
e quest' è ver così com' io ti parlo».


Father Thomas read the notice as soon as he got back to his holy office. It wasn't pleasing news, and if he ever had to go through another play-off match again, he'd rather just go straight to the Cup of Harmony, where less hideous creatures would abide. "PLAY-OFF MATCH VS. PRUX, MATCH TOMORROW" - it read in bold type, without a wonder as to whether where or when the match would be. Where was Prux?

"Abbot, please bring me a map!" It was the only logical thing to say. He also quickly called Father Thomas Aquinas, but the coach was busily in solitude and prayer. The fool was somehow pleased to have gotten this far, while the Holy Father was still upset that the Heretic Monks won within the confines of the Monastery, never mind that they only won by one goal which was scored when Father Bonaventura stepped aside from the goal to vomit - evidently, Monks were experts at scoring at open goals. And when Father Thomas asked Father Thomas Aquinas about the nature of Father Bonaventura's vomiting, he said - "God blessed him so that when he needed to expunge his guts, he would do so freely." As to why Father Bonaventura needed to expunge his guts, Father Thomas had no answer - "The LORD works in mysterious ways."

The map came out before Father Thomas, as he prepared the voyage to Prux. "Abbot, this is the map of torture devices in the Catacombs. Where is the World Map?"

"It's in one of the torture rooms."

"Why is it in one of the torture rooms?"

"Because one of our subjects has been condemned to read world maps until God Judgment reigns upon him. I am reminded of the fickle nature of world maps, so that by the time the sinner has finished reading all of the maps, there are more to read."

"How is it an effective torture device?"

"Apparently, the lad was one who foolishly believed that he knew his own direction, and with the guidance of a map, could travel thence to any corner of the world."

"Ah, yes. I remember him. He's still reading those maps?"

"He hasn't finished them yet."

"Well, then find this room - ask him the location of Prux and we shall travel thence tonight."

"Right away, Father."

=== THE GATE TO THE DREAMED REALM ===

(ooc: THE (i.e. The Holy Empire :)) - I hope that you don't mind the excessive liberty I took in bringing my old hermit to come into the Dreamed Realm - if there's anything that is absolutely wrong, please let me know so I can fix it in the next post)

Iesu Caesar Salvator stood at the edge of the shores of Magna Sancta Sedes, watching the setting sun. His accomplice, the meek Friar Tucker, came following with a bag of articles. In it were the books of many things that the old man had possessed for many years. Why had the Pope decided to send Friar Tucker to accompany this old man, whom they perceived as the Christ? No one really knew, not even the Friar. Perhaps the old man knew. No one had seen or heard of him until that point, and it was only then that he became renowned for his wisdom. It just begged to ask the question: "Where did you learn what you know?"

The old man replied, "You will learn more from reading the books of heretics than you will from reading God's word. Whereas the Word of God preaches the ways to salvation, the other books teach you why the ways to salvation are hard to reach."

"So you're a heretic then?" the Friar asked.

"Heresy is only a crime in the face of dogma, my lad. You will come to learn that one day."

"But if you're a heretic, then why do you want to help the Holy Church?"

The old man, stopped from peering into the sunset, gazed back at Tucker, and calmly spoke - "When you come to realize the fallacy of dogma, you will realize that the Church is but an edifice that conducts through its halls the ways to sin. Indeed, I come not to help the Church, but to help humanity."

Humanity - Friar Tucker had heard of the concept before, but never in a true conversation. It was the idea that humanity was fallow and that the nurturing hands of the LORD could make fruit of it. But this man was here to save humanity, but not the Church. How could it be so?

"This isn't heresy that you speak, this is blasphemy!"

"Blasphemy, heresy - it all comes from dogma. When you get to my age, you realize that the LORD does not preach the way that a bishop does to his congregation. When a Bishop speaks, he tells a story that means nothing but well understood. When Jesus spake, he told stories that means everything but not well understood. They only understood after He returned to the LORD - and it was a tragedy that they did so."

"But why do we have the Bishops if they do not speak the words of salvation?"

"Actions speak louder than words, my child." The old man turned back to the setting sun, which was lying upon the horizon thinly. "Imagine he who hordes his wealth while demanding his fellowers to share their wealth with others - contrast him to he who has no wealth but shares what little he has to others. Whose message is the greater?"

The Friar knew of what the old man was speaking. "The latter."

"Indeed." He smiled, though Tucker couldn't see it. "You can be taught, my child."

Friar Tucker finally settled his bag upon the rocky soil, wondering what they were doing out in the middle of an uninhabited beach. "I beg to know, why are we here? Should we have a portal or something?"

"Portals are for those who lack faith to pass the gates," the man replied. "Faith, you know of that, right?"

"Yes."

"Then, have courage. We will soon be at the Dreamed Realm. But if you are to stay there, I would suggest that you drop all mention of the Church and anything that is not open. They are a people who cherish knowledge. Knowledge is the path to the LORD's salvation."

Suddenly, a thought came to Friar Tucker's mind. "Are you a cultist of the Manicheans?"

"Manicheans?" the old man said. "The Dreamed Realm do not consider them to be practitioners of religion. Rather, they simply live in pursuit of Truth. That is the greatest ideal for them, and if you insist on putting a name to things, I fear our stay will be short."

"But what of the pursuit of God's salvation?"

"God is Truth." The old man said nothing else of the subject, because as he spoke, he began to move forward. He walked into the water. Friar Tucker yelled to him - "Father! You're walking into the water!"

"Trust me! Walk into the water as I do!"

Friar Tucker, wondering now if this was the Christ as well - just a rather different Christ than the one that the Church had envisioned - he took up his bags and walked to the water's edge. He wondered if he would likewise step upon the surface of the water. His first step fell straight into the water. He walked a little further, anticipated the water to recede. It didn't. Finally, he came to the point where the water was up to his chest, and he stopped. "Father!" Only the endless echo of water crashing upon the beach filled the air. The sun was still at the horizon, but slipping fast. He couldn't see Iesu, but he knew that the man was in the water somewhere. "Father!" His cries came upon the void. Clouds from the west were starting to cover the little light, and it was virtually becoming darker and darker.

It would have made a great story to the Conclave - 'He walked into the water and never came back.'

'What do you mean he walked into the water and never came back? You mean committed suicide?'

'I think so...' That would have been scandalous - the only hope for the Church, and he goes and kills himself. Or maybe this was all some sick joke.

Walk into the water, you idiot!

The voice filled his head. He glanced around but no one was there.

Hurry! You have only a few minutes before the way is sealed!

"But I can't swim!"

Just walk!

Undaunted, Friar Tucker walked deeper into the water, holding his breath. He was uncertain of his way, and plunged straight into the cold and murky water. The ground was definitely sloping farther and farther down, and thanks to the bag, Tucker was staying on the ground. He wanted to gasp for air, but he knew that he would just drown anyway - if he was to die anyway, he would die at the bottom.

It was a long way through the dark abyss. His lungs began to burn ferociously, but he knew that if he breathed, he would die. But he couldn't surface. The dilemma filled his body whole that he instinctively swallowed a bunch of water. And it went to his stomach, if only to squeeze out the air in there and into his lungs. Surprisingly, he didn't feel the effects of burning as much, but he continued to walk farther, he began to swallow more and water, wondering if he was methodically drowning himself. Finally, he came to the point when he didn't feel the burning sensation and he imagined himself dead. Perhaps he was dead - but he was still walking. Dead people don't walk - they fall limp to the ground. Yet, he wasn't limp or flimsy. He felt convicted that he wasn't dead, but he wondered why he was still under water and no longer desiring a breath of air. He gazed up and saw that it was completely dark - he couldn't see the surface anymore. Fear began to creep into him, and the burning began to return.

'Oh, I'm going to die.' He began to run, but uncertain of which direction to run, he ran the way which he thought was going up. He tried to expel from his lungs, but as he was completely immersed with water, he had no bubbles come out. And it wasn't as if he could see the bubbles anyway. At least, he thought he couldn't see the bubbles until a sparkle of light caught his eye. He immediately felt that it was the right place to go and ran in the general direction of the light. As he did, the water became clearer and the light even brighter. Finally he could reach his hand through the water and into the air. He jumped up into the air to gasp a breath, but as he was full of water, he gasped nothing.

"Don't tell me that you swallowed!"

Iesu was standing about 50 meters away, running toward him. Friar Tucker was surprised, to say the least. He tried to speak, but the only thing that came from his mouth was a bunch of water. Another person came over and nodded. "Ah, yes. We have a solution for that."

With that said, he pulled out a rope and tied it to Tucker's feet. Immediately, the rope yanked up into the sky and inverted Tucker. Instantly, the water from inside him poured out and after a good wait, Tucker was breathing normally again. "What was that?"

"You swallowed!" Iesu said. "You're not supposed to swallow."

"It's his first time, Caesar," the other man said. "Be kind to him."

"Well, I've never swallowed. It's embarrassing. Look, there's a crowd coming to watch him!"

"Caesar, it's alright. We'll bring him up to date."

Tucker was standing straight up, and the other man put the rope in his pocket again. Everything was a little strange for him. "This is the Dreamed Realm?"

"It is indeed," the man said. "My name is Eulogus, a friend of Caesar."

"You're friends with this man?" Tucker asked Iesu.

Iesu patted Tucker's shoulders. He had apparently lost all sense of shame. "There was a time when I called the Holy Empire my home. And when I was here, Eulogus was my best confidant. He is a good man and a welcome one in our company."

Eulogus noted the crowd once more and said, "We should retire to my place. I imagine that the Friar will need some time to recollect his thoughts before we seek this book."

"You know me?"

Eulogus nodded. "We know many things."

=== The Inquisitor General's Office ===

"... zombies?"

"Yes, Holy Father."

Father Thomas was having a great ordeal trying to explain that the Saints would have to play against zombies. From Prux. Tomorrow. In a land that this tortured fellow has not even located on a map.

"How do we do that?"

"We must place our trust in the LORD," remarked Father Thomas Aquinas.

"Well, trusting the LORD will not get the football team in Prux on time."

"Verily, we must trust the LORD's way. Otherwise, wherefore should we venture there? By faith we shall this place. By faith we shall conquer."

"I'VE FOUND IT!"

"See?" Father Thomas Aquinas's word fell upon deaf ears, as Father Thomas de Turrecremata ventured to the tortured victim. It was an old map - strangely. Not too old, but not too young either. It was located within a strange region of a bunch of quixotically quirky quarks. "There are the oxen-idolaters here too."

"Oxen-idolaters?" the Pope asked. "Then we must convict them of their sin!"

"Well, we're not playing the ox worshippers. Indeed, we're dealing with a country that uses robotic chickens and raises people from the dead to do their bidding. We must counter with holy water. And lots of it."

"What will holy water do to a zombie?"

"I'm not sure. Hasn't been tried in a while, and the Codex doesn't indicate what happens to a zombie. Let's see..." Father Thomas grabs his Codex and looks through the uses of holy water. "... exorcism, blessing, cure, and other treatments of bodily and spiritual affliction. Against the unholy, holy water can render them sanctified, removing their curse. To those bound by their curse, it inevitably destroys the object."

"So basically it kills the zombies?"

"Well, that depends on whether zombies are unholy. If so - then yes."

"Well, if not?"

"Then let's hope that we've got something else that will do the job."

QBC WORLD CUP 42 COVERAGE

"Hello all, I'm Beck Davidham, and the qualifiers are over, except for the playoff matches, and they were draw today, so we'll quickly preview them:

Az-cz x Rennidan: Former 2-time champions should NOT be in this spot, while Rennidan impressed us in our to matches, as they fought hard for every ball and oppertunity. Az-cz, just has too much experience and should ahve little trouble advancing.

Prux x Magna Sancta Sedes: Zombies versus Saints. Theologians should have a field day with this one. The Saints have performed heavenly, pardon the pun, in qualifying to this point, while the Zombies have scared the competition. It depends on who's belief is stronger, and we see Magna Sancta Sedes through in a mild upset.


Kose and the Turkomans x Ad'ihan: A very interesting match up of evenly matched teams. Ad'ihan will find a way, but don't be suprised if this series comes down to penalty kicks.

Kereca x Dancougar: Finally Dancougar will get into the World Cup, as Kereca is the type of team Dancougar beats.

Jeru FC x Blouman Empire: Both teams have been in this position before and probably will again, But Jeru FC finally breakthough in a very closely contested series, that also could wind up decided by penalty kicks.

Stephen sat on the edge of his bed. C was kneeling behind him massaging his shoulders as they watched the sports report on DSPN. The network had toned itself down a bit since the Land de Wood affair back in Oxen Cup VII and was now struggling to get back its swagger.

The analyst was trying to break down the road draw at 119th-ranked Cypron in the most civil terms possible. He was having a hard time. "Well, I'll start off by saying this... do not blame that game on the defense, okay? I don't care who you play. Whether it's a high school team, a junior college team, a college team, much less a national team. When you miss an open shot five times - four wide of goal, one that would've equalized early, three inside the eighteen yard box, you ain't gonna beat anybody. Anybody, all right?"

"Wow, he's really tearing into them," said C, leaning close to Stephen's right ear. "The team didn't look that bad, did it? We were watching the same game?"

"I do think more blame does rest on the defense, but the attack was completely ineffective at the start of the second half, which was a crucial time," Stephen replied, allowing her to rest her chin against his now-relaxed shoulder. "But this is good. If the team falls again, it'll be the Cup of Harmony. The FA will have no qualms when they dismiss DuPont, but they'll be under even more pressure to produce a winner next time."

"And that's where you come in?" asked C.

"I might have something to do with it," he answered, "as long as the next stage clears..."

The television analyst continued his run, starting to really break into stride. "And that was a disgraceful performance, in my opinion. We threw that game, we gave it away by doing that. We gave them the friggin' game. In my opinion, that sucked!"

********************

Peter was lounging on his couch trying to get some news on the upcoming match with Kereca. They had rather quietly racked up the points in a tough group containing Tynelia, Northern Bettia, and the Holy Empire. But right now, the DSPN guy was lashing out at the team's inability to beat Cypron. "What's that? PLAYOFFS?! You're talking about playoffs?! You kidding me? Playoffs? I just hope we can win a game!"

Maybe AirSport would have some decent coverage, or maybe he should surf over to the Dancougar News!!.

"Yo, Pete!" It was Russ, calling from the hallway. Peter jumped a bit and turned around to see Russ enter the room holding a notebook.

Oh sh... HE HAD THE SUCK NOTE.

"Hey, Russ, what's up?" Peter choked out at last.

"I hope you don't mind, but I was looking in your room for my phone, and I found this..." He sat down on the couch and started flipping through. As a basic defense, Peter had covered up the instruction page which described the operation of the Note, but still, so much evidence was there. He gulped but could do nothing. "You've got all the cases from around here, and a bunch I didn't even hear about from overseas! You're really serious about this!"

Peter exhaled... He thinks these are investigation notes! he thought. He quickly tried to calm himself. "Oh, yeah, these... just something I was messing with in my free time. I mean, I was checking news stories for anything weird like we saw in Yuki, and I figured I may as well throw them all down in case they amounted to something."

"This is incredible, though..." said Russ, continuing to thumb through the book. "There are all sorts of random games in here, but there's more involving Dancougar teams and the national side, too. It's like whoever's behind these was trying to cover it up, but he must be from here!"

"Yeah... yeah, that's what I thought to!" Peter lied. "I was waiting to be sure, but yeah, almost everything in there is supposed to help our national team win. But I guess whoever it was couldn't account for everything that happened, right?"

"Tell me about it," mumbled Russ, still smarting after the Cypron draw. "We should take this to the professor! If we can tie Zero to any of these games, we might have the evidence we need!!"

"R-right!" replied Peter, with a big fake smile. Dammit!!

********************

And now for something completely different.

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the World Cup has quite a bit to say on the subject of free kicks, which are awarded at the referee's discretion for fouls committed during the run of play. A free kick is not free as in speech, or even as in beer. It's more like free as in hits. You know, when you've got your little brother in a headlock and, in between Indian burns and atomic noogies, you take control of the poor boy's limbs and beg him to cease maiming his person.

A free kick rewards the taker with an uncontested chance to start play from a stationary ball. By uncontested, I mean that the nearest defender at the time of the kick must be at least 10 minus epsilon yards away, for an epsilon anywhere between 0 and 10 yards, depending on the alertness of the referee. Defenders will often bunch together and block the path between the kicker and goal, a tactical maneuver developed principally to prevent footballers from reproducing.

Free kicks can be a dramatic point of the game, because the takers will squabble amongst themselves who gets to actually kick the ball and who is relegated to the thankless task of running over it. A complex ritual takes place whereby a kicker is selected from a pack which forms around the ball. An alpha male or female will declare their intention by grasping the ball and rotating it several times, then placing it carefully on the pitch. They proceed to mark their territory by digging one foot into the pitch right behind the ball, at which point all other players must back away.

Often, a free kick presents the takers with an opportunity to score by giving them a good look at goal. Unfortunately, these are often wasted by takers whose egos far outweigh their ability to keep the damn ball down. They'll punt it over instead of making an attempt to find a teammate's head in a scoring position, or play it to someone open to start a new attack. Not everyone can make it on YouTube with a gorgeous kick. There's really only a few players on the planet who are consistently good at taking them, and the rest are really only lucky. If you give a million monkeys a typewriter, they'll eventually produce Shakespeare. Likewise, if you give a gorilla a million free kicks, he'll eventually put one in.

It's all made much worse by the announcer's inevitable comment about bad service, like he was reviewing a bad stay at the Holiday Inn. Therefore, to avoid all this embarrassment - and the minutes wasted by the kick-taker ceremony - the Guide recommends that players refrain from falling down when breathed on by a defender.

Hamburger Hill Herald

Even worse that drawing those twice-dammned Ox-Worshipers, we get Magna Sancta Sedes, a team constisting of resurected Saints, So basically we got Zombie on Zombie matches. Magna Sancta Sedes may claim that resurected saints aren't Zombies, be we know better. Any dead person brought back to life, whether by religous mumbo-jumbo or by a Voodoo spell is a Zombie. But just in case, the Prux home leg of the series will be held in Satanist's graveyard and no, the tombstones will not be removed.

Schedule:
vs. Arroza WIN 3-0 (1-0-0 record)
@ Land de Wood WIN 3-0 (2-0-0 record)
vs. Greal WIN 2-0 (3-0-0 record)
@ Bazalonia Lose 1-3 (3-0-1 record)
vs. Nuevos Aires W 5-0 (4-0-1 record)
@ Bostopia Lose 0-5 (4-0-2 record)
BYE
@ Arroza DRAW 2-2 (4-1-2 record)
vs. Land de Wood DRAW 2-2 (4-2-2 record)
@ Greal WIN 2-0 (5-2-2 record)
vs. Bazalonia Lose 1-3 (5-2-3 record)
@ Nuevos Aires WIN 3-1 (6-2-3 record) clinched playoff berth.
vs. Bostopia Lose 0-4 (6-2-4 record) In Playoffs
BYE
Playoff: Magna Sancta Sedes


Prux' Goals:
Zombie Pelé: 6
Zombie Zinedine Zidane (aka Triple Z): 4
Zombie Just Fontaine: 3
Dr. Mkembe: 3
Zombie Ronaldo: 3
Zombie Lothar Matthäus: 3
Zombie Diego Maradona: 2

(ooc: Dan the last part of your last post was brilliant! Did you steal my Zombie powder and have Douglas Adams comeback to life just to write that ;):rolleyes:LOL)

WG: Welcome to The Stands, I am your host William Gray, with me tonight is the every present Alexander Anderson and as our regular fellow panelist Cornelius Fraser is unable to be with us tonight we have former Mount Dew striker Dylan Hayward. Welcome to you both.

AA: Welcome.

DH: Yes hello I must say I am honored to be on this show tonight and maybe teach you two something about football.
(Whole group chuckles)

WG: Well first things first we are going to focus on the Empire's world cup campaign and they were able to make it through to the playoffs with wins over Green Wombat and West Zirconia and a draw with Valona, taking their total to 7 wins 3 draws and only two losses so a very good effort by the Schweppe and the boys. The playoff stage is where I expected them to finish, however, they should have qualified outright wouldn't you say Alex.

AA: Oh yes most defiantly they finished only 2 points behind Demot and its a shame they lost to them in what was really a close game but a playoff is good for the team and I think they will be beating Jeru FC during the two stages.

WG: Yes we will be getting to that in a moment, Dylan anything to add?

DH: Most certainly Will, I think the team has made it hard for themselves
AA: Hard for themselves they are where everybody thought they would be, only two losses that is a good record
DH: Well not everybody I remember watching this program just before the qualifiers started and you said that they will finish fourth with Green Wombat easily beating them.
WG: He has you there Alex you did say that.

DH: Regardless I stand by my statement that they did make it hard for themselves in the sense that if they played with a bit more consistency and better football we should be in the Cup proper now, the games I am talking about is match day 3, 5 and 12 I will leave our two losses both against Valanora because simply those were the two games we were always going to give up the three points. But we drew with Ron Paulovia and we drew both games with Demot. Now we should have one the game against Ron Paulovia in matchday 3 because really that is the game that let us down and they didn't play like a team, the draws against Demot should have been better especially matchday 12 the team knew by then that they needed the win, and they allowed Demot to score in the dying minutes to take the win, we can be thankful that Demot's accuracy wasn't up to scratch that day otherwise we would have lost. They let themselves down and if they had played like they had against other teams they would have qualified, and I will tell you this now they don't deserve to be in the World Cup, the team still has some work to do and I know we are getting towards the end of some of the players international careers who have been playing since the start and these next two games will show how much they really want to play in the world cup.

AA: Sorry I am going to have to disagree with, yes they drew against Ron Paulovia and they should have one it but this is their best result ever there did finish third last year but in regards to the points won over potential points ratio this is the best they have done.

DH: I'm not going to deny that what I am going to defend is that this team has made it hard for themselves to qualify they shouldn't be where they are now, they should be resting they shouldn't be busily preparing for two games to see if they will get in and if they win I don't think they deserve to be in the cup.

WG: Well before this gets into a slinging match we have to move on, and to discuss the draw. As our viewers can see on the table.


Az-cz x Rennidan
Prux x Magna Sancta Sedes
Kose and the Turkomans x Ad'ihan
Kereca x Dancougar
Jeru FC x Blouman Empire

So gentleman before we go onto the other games let us talk about the Eagles chances of winning.

AA: Well we have picked Jeru FC a team that performed about as well as us in the group stage and is a formidable team that we need to watch out for, they have a quite a few good players so we must be careful though they are beatable the first game is at home for them and I think a win there with a sizeable goal difference at least two will put us in good stead to qualify if we lose at the first game while we will have the crowd behind us it will put the pressure on us, but I am going to say we should get the win but we may have to settle for a draw.

DH: Well I think we will lose, but we do have a good chance at winning, Jeru FC is a better team than us but we have to remember this is over two games and Jeru FC does not have the consistency, even their coach admits this from a video we have at a pep rally they had to prepare the team before playing us.
Alfredo:
No no, they are right. Jeru FC suffer from inconsistency but I'm trying change
But we have the same problem, it is going to be tough for the Empire, while they have a good chance to win if they play well in both games over the course of the game then it will do it. So in conclusion to that while we both suffer from the same problem I think that Jeru FC will go through the cup proper the team has brought this upon themselves and should really be in the cup proper already but I think they just don't have either the determination or the maturity to be able to go into the world cup and that is why I would go as far as saying that these two games will be practice matches for Jeru FC.

WG: Well a very critical assessment from Dylan, now gentlemen let us go through the other teams and give me your predictions for them.

AA: Well Az-cz will win over Rennidan though I think Az-cz will be proceeding rather easily, while Rennidan played well Az-cz I think just had some bad luck on their side but since push has come to shove they will make sure they get through. Prux to win over Magna Sancta Sedes, while Magna has performed well in their first campaign I just can't see them going beating Prux. Kose and the Turkomans I think will be losing to Ad'ihan, Ad'ihan is just too good to not make it through. And finally the easiest match of the round to pick Dancougar will easily beat Kereca.

DH: Well I wish I could pick out the winners as easily as Alex here but it is hard most of these teams are evenly matched. Az-cz I think will just beat Rennidan though it will be a tough game and I think we will see penalties during this game. Dancougar will beat Kereca and I will have to agree with you on this one, this is the most sure fire game in this stage. Kose and the Turkomans will have to fight hard against Ad'ihan and this will be another close game with plenty of goals scored but I think Ad'ihan will just edge over the line maybe a deciding goal in the 95th minute of the second game. Prux versus Magna Sancta Sedes, this will be interesting to watch but I will think I am going to pick Magna Sancta Sedes for an upset win.

WG: Well there you it have viewers; myself I think the Eagles will beat the Jeru FC but only just. After the break we will be moving on to Port Fansat to talk about why there are rumblings at the top and why we may soon see a power shift before the season starts.

THE EMPIRE TIMES

EMPIRE DRAWS JERU FC

The playoff draw was held last night and the Empire has been listed to play against the formidable Jeru FC. Jeru FC the only non-country football team to participate in the world cup and is comprised of member of the Jerusalem Army. The last time these two teams met was the quarter finals in the 33rd Cup of Harmony, where the Eagles lost to Jeru FC 2-1. Manager Henry Scweppe has stated that he wants to make amends on the loss and will be looking forward to be able this time beat the army boys and qualify for the world cup. Scweppe also stated that while this game will be a challenge it should be easier this time around with former captain Sadie Dallas who was a bastion of defence last time round being moved up to play for Jerusalem, however, Scweppe has expressed that this will be no walk in the park and if the team is to win then it is going have to fight tooth and nail to ensure that they do.

The first game will be away at Jeru FC's home ground, it will be crucial for the Empire to at least get a scoring draw against Jeru FC in order to place them in good stead with an away goal advantage and a home game for the second match. Tickets for the second leg to be held at Braxon City Stadium have almost been sold out with only 2% of tickets left. Scalpers have already been spotted with markups of up to 500% for the game, while it is currently illegal to scalp tickets under Braxon law many scalpers are selling them in neighbouring jurisdictions where the laws aren't as tight or not existent. While Prince Luke II Prince of Braxon along with the Football Federation of Bloumany (FFB) has appealed to people to please not scalp like this little can be done. The FFB has petitioned the Royal Council to implement anti-scalping laws across the empire, something which many council members have recently expressed their desire to.

The team has been preparing for this and are aware of the tough challenge that awaits them for some this will be their fourth and possibly final chance to make qualify for the world cup and they will be fighting hard to see their dream come true.

THE DAILY REVIEW

Eagles Commitment Called Into Question

The commitment of the Blouman International Football Team was called into question yesterday when former Mount Dew Striker Dylan Hayward said that the team is not fully committed to the upcoming matches against Jeru FC and is to immature to be able to play in the World Cup. Hayward played 120 games for Mount Dew scoring a total of 50 goals he made the comments while appearing as a guest panelist on Pixma Sports 3 TV show The Stands The comments were immediately slammed by both Captain Sam Kiamar and Manager Henry Scweppe as "unfounded", "untrue" and "only was said to raise the ratings of a floundering and unimportant show". Captain Kiamar said that it the claims were untrue and for a former player to question our commitment is unethical, we want to win we have to win we are committed to win every game in this campaign we have played to ensure that we play our best game every time and when we go out against Jeru FC we will ensure that we win.

Manager Scweppe also laid into the Hayward saying that he has no real information on what the team is capable off and has made these unfounded remarks about the team when people make comments about the players it offends me personally it offends the team and it should offend every Blouman out there. We are mature enough to be able to play in the World Cup we are mature enough to beat Jeru FC and we have the determination to and commitment to play the best games of our lives during the playoffs and we will win.

Hayward refused to return The Daily Review phone calls with his former agent saying that he had nothing to say over the issue. Pixma Sports lashed back at Captain Kiamar over his remarks that the show told Hayward to make these comments with a spokesman for the channel saying "The Stands is a show that explores and reports on all football related issues and events, we have panelists on the show for a reason and that reason is to provide comprehensive insight and different perspective on the on these issues. Dylan Hayward was not told what to say we allow our panelists to express what they believe and we do not censor them" Pixma Sports has also refused to apologise to the Eagles saying that they have the opportunity to prove Hayward wrong in the coming game against Jeru FC.

And the World Cup qualifying ends, with the Orixá followers failing to complete their mission of balancing their physical and spiritual strenght to get the qualification. They won't give up so soon, that seems certain, but many start to worry if Terreiro de Ogum can keep this situation for much longer. The population seems frustrated with the team's failure, as they thought that our players would be unbeatable thanks to the rituals and to the blessings from the Orixás. Of course, they now know that the players need more than the divine power that is offered to them, as the Orixás sent many messages demanding them to use their own strengths too. But this mission seems impossible right now.

Impossible because, after the brief period of disbelief in the Orixás' power, the people from Terreiro de Ogum (and this includes the NT players) returned to have full faith in their gods, and to put all their hopes in the power that comes from them, the power that goes to them thanks to the offerings and rituals made inside the country. Due to that, they do not believe that they can play well by themselves, they think that the Orixás' power is the most important part of a good performance. Maybe they're right. But, if they continue thinking this way, they won't be able to trust themselves and have confidence in the success. Few players are really working hard to reach this balance, while others continue depending on the rituals.

The Orixás even tried to help the National Team by other means, a very special one: they sent a divine messenger to play in the team, although with the limitation of only 30 minutes per game. Iluminado was the one responsible for giving confidence to the players and to be the true example of a combination between physical strength and spiritual one. But his team mates started to give nearly all responsibility to him, waiting for the last 30 minutes of the game to come so they would have Iluminado by their side. Of course, even with full spiritual power, a player can not win the games alone, and the team was unable to understand that. They have hopes for the future, although many shadows are returning to threaten them...

...including an island that wants to return to play, but with their true name, instead of representing a bigger place.

"So, Hugo, are you going to publish?"

"Publish? Publish what?"

"My findings. My hypotheses."

"That nunch of half-baked conspiracy nonsense? You must be joking. World Cup fever has struck, we're in the finals. Nobody wants to see something like that."

Young Pip was crestfallen. "But it's true! It's TRUE!!!"

Snodry sighed. "Look, kid, the best I can do is have a sniff around. I've got credentials for the finals, I can have a shufti there and then. OK?"

Pip stared blankly. "What else can I do? I'm stuck with your contract."

Snodry smiled. As usual the Clarion's desire for exclusivity had snuffed out any chance that the story could be sold elsewhere. And who knows? There may be something in it after all. If there was, Snodry would be up for something. Promotion to Head of Sports. Maybe even Editor. And a Press Award.

"It's not that bad, kiddo. At least it'll be a funnies thing."

"FUNNIES!" Pip was on the verge of tears. "I am deadly serious, Hugo. I'm not one for these conspiracy theories. I don't even believe there have been mathematical symbols or eggs playing, that's part of what I'm saying. But this is just...too coincidental."

"Well, as I say, you may be right. And if certain teams do well with others doing badly who knows? You might be front page after all. Or Page 3 in the gay edition. Mind yer back."

"Eh?"

http://www.biezanow.net/~dominik/TVLovun/tvlovunsport-football.gif
we are in final

After long long period Lovisa advance to final World Cup. Its a big success, that we palying in final, and we do not lost in qualification, like was last couple times after when Lovisa come back to WC. Last time Lovisa playing in finals in WC27 which Fmjphoenix and Bedistan was hosted. Last match was gropumatch with The Archregimancy which Lovisa won 2-1, but not advance to second round, becuse was 3rd in group.

This time we back to worlds top finals, and we will be playing better and better.

“WE'RE SAVED, WE'RE SAVED! Look there’s a boat coming!”

“SACRE BLEU! Ou est la flag blanc?”

”Shut it, Lemon boy.” Jimmy Sheridan replied to Alain Lemay.

It was a day unlike any other on Ile de Nouveau Bostopie. For the first time in weeks, outside life other than some Hans bombing the crap out of Le Camp could be seen. Emperor Boston and Field Marshal Deciduous-Leaf had ventured down to the beach by Le Camp to have an argument about whether the coconut tree Boston had crashed into should be immortalised with a statue or a knighthood. They being down on the beach and by the sea, in fact with Emperor Boston’s insistence on having to have wet feet to argue they’d be in the sea. Anyway what with them being in the sea they would also have seen the boat fast approaching Le Camp.

Back at Camp, once Sheridan had thrown a palm tree leaf hard enough at the pansy Lemay to knock him out Sheridan looked out seaward and his ears pricked. He could hear singing, he listened carefully for the words. “Flying high, up in the sky, We’ll keep the red flag flying high, From Beningrad to Snowspire, We’ll keep the red flag flying high.” Of course, the flag the boat was flying from it’s mast, it was a gold cross on a red background. The flag of Sorthern Northland! “My people have come for me!” he thought to himself as he rushed down to the beach, bursting in upon Boston and Deciduous-Leaf’s argument.

“Oh, alright commie, what you doing down here?” growled Boston in a voice that hinted at slightly racist undertones. Either that or his balls had just dropped, Sheridan could never tell. “That boat, it’s a Sorthern one, they have come to rescue me!”

“Yeah, yeah Sheridan, sometime I think you just imagine what you want to happen” came the reply from the Field Marshall.

At that moment, the boat came crashing onto the beach, a man in a blazer jumped off it. The blazer had a crest upon the right breast. It was the crest of the Sorthern Northland Football Association. “You Dr Bostinston?” the SNFA man Boston who was once again deep in argument.

”No, I’m Emperor Boston, now bugger off, can’t you see I’m in quite an important meeting here?” came the curt reply from the Emperor.

”Er, sorry to bother you Emperor but I’m from the SNFA and we’d like you to sign this. It’s the contract for the managers job of our national team.” The SNFA suit asked a little nervously.

Boston hadn’t really been paying any attention and had no idea what this intruder upon his beach had just said. He decided the best way to get rid of him was to sign the piece of paper being waved around, which he did, muttering, “these bloody autograph hunters eh? Traking you down to remote desert islands” as he did so.

With the contract signed, the SNFA man jumped back on his boat and instructed the dwarf he’d hired as captain to set sail back to Sorthern Northland. Just as the boat was setting sail, Boston called out, “Ere ain’t you Sortherners gonna take your idiot President back with you?”

The SNFA bloke leaned over the port side of the boat and looking book to the beach simply replied, “That fool? Feck him.”

---Ile de Nouveau Bostopia, somewhere---

Dear Diary

I am officially famous. These people from Snorthern Orthland came and asked me for my interview! Then they gave me a pin-badge with a little flag on it and a desk with a cool little name plate with “Manager of Sorthern Northland” written on it. It's so doody.

Myself and the Field-Marshal were having an argument at the time about whether or not the coconut tree which I had the misfortune of landing face-first on then having my goolies smashed by a coconut which fell onto my goolies once I'd hit the ground should be honoured by a knighthood or a statue - we decided on both. Anyway, that Sheridan bloke starts yelling and this boat comes on the beach and wants an autograph so I sign then they air drop the stuff I've previously mentioned.

Then this press group comes asking me to confirm rumours I'd received a text message saying “Ring me x” and asking how I thought I'd perform as manager of Sorthern Northland. I told them I had no intention of ever taking the job and even if I did I wouldn't do a thing and would make sure through one way or another Sorthern Northland would never qualify for anything, ever. I even joked that I probably wouldn't even bothered to enter World Cup qualifying! They seemed very pleased with that answer.

Then they left. Which is when Lemay started staring at me. Sure he was knocked out at the time, but his staring was creeping me out. The Field-Marshal told me that I should dig open an anthill and bury Sheridan in it, which would distract me from Lemay's staring, but I thought that was a bit mean. So instead I decided to string Lemay up from a tree branch by his ankles, smear him with honey and hit a few beehives before running away toward Lemay before diving into Sheridan's fort.

Unfortunately, the bees seemed to remember it was me who hit the beehive, and so I was chased by them past where Lemay was. Perhaps these bees are allergic to honey. Either way, I am now hiding under my new desk, which appears to be bee-proof. I am popping up from time to time to see if there are any bees about, but they don't appear to have gone yet.

This annoys me.

Jeruselem Government News

Army takes over security at Jeru FC home ground

The Jeruselem army will be in charge of security when the Blouman Empire comes to Jeruselem to play our own Jeru FC. This isn't because there is terrorists running around, but because the Jeru FC stadium is actually army property anyway.

The entertainment won't be just marching bands and aircraft buzzing around. The cheerleader squad from the St Mary's Catholic Girls School (a favourite of the army guys) will be there too. Many of the current Jeruselem team used to be members of that cheersquad including Dazza Dallas. Before the game, Princess Jacinta Sasha Dallas and her friend Jacinta Sallad (of the Jeruselem World Cup team) aka The Two Jacintas will sing some army song to start proceedings.

VIPs from the Blouman Empire will mix with the interim rulers of Jeruselem - Princess Jacinta Sasha Dallas and Princess Marie-Antoinette Dallas while the the King of Jeruselem is still on holidays in Ariddia with his wife Katherine Alexandra Dallas. Princess Marie said "It's not just a football game, it's party too. And time for other things!"

Scalpers will be warned and if they don't comply - arrested and if they cause any trouble, worse things since army people are around.

There will be a tank parked outside the stadium, not because we need it but because it looks cool. It can also be used to run over and shoot protesters who want to ruin the day.

*In a meeting of the Septentrionian cabinet*

PM Claude Bérubé: YOU LOST THE PRESIDENT?

Pilot Benoît Cormier: Yes... we lost him because of a pistachio nut.

PM Claude Bérubé: Great job, ****... Now, we need to find him... how are the media outlets going to react now?

Minister of media Michèle Laurenceau: We simply have to not hell them...

PM Claude Bérubé: You now see why I hate to have conservatives in my cabinet... They try to keep things secret while we have been elected to do the opposite.

Minister of media Michèle Laurenceau: Well, it's either that, or we get questioned during 11 hours and 33 minutes by Télé-Sept...

PM Claude Bérubé: These idiotic, privately-owned and populist jerks... ah crap.

Michèle Laurenceau (I guess you now know who she is, right?): That's why it must stay secret. If only the president was here... he could decrete that if anybody decides to tell any media about it, we could expell him from the parliament...

PM Claude Bérubé: He's too French to do that...

Minister of national defense Jérémie Malenfant: So now, what do we do?

PM Claude Bérubé: As I said... we really should try to find him... All we know is that he is on one of the 1093 islands...

Jérémie Malenfant: We know where he is, actually... We studied maps to find where to throw the soccer ball. I don't know if we should really tell you about that, but for the last 20 years, we have placed a detector on every new elected president. He might not be as important as the Prime Minister in here, but he is still very important for most nations who consider the President as the authority holder in Septentrionia.

PM Claude Bérubé: Why not telling us? We are the cabinet of the nation...

Jérémie Malenfant: Well, that's because it was classified as Top Secret, so only to be known only by the President and the military staff

PM Claude Bérubé: Alright, we won't tell everyone. So can you begin the expedition soon, if you know where he is?

Jérémie Malenfant: Well, there's a slight problem... our computers have crashed, because they're using Ma Fenêtre d'Exploitation/Millénaire as their OS... So rebooting them will be tough...

PM Claude Bérubé: I put forward a motion to the cabinet so that we buy the new Vision version of FE...

*The cabinet rejects the motion*

Minister of industry Jean-Claude Levasseur: That one's as bad as Millénaire. We will accept if you offer to get them Expérimentation instead...

PM Claude Bérubé: Alright... I put forward a motion to the cabinet to that we buy the military the Expérimentation version of FE...

*The cabinet agrees to the motion*

PM Claude Bérubé: Good... so you'll be able to begin to search as soon as tomorrow.

*Meanwhile, on Île de Nouvelle-Bostopie, Alain Lemay writes a diary*

Today, it's been a generally crappy day on this damn island. I came to see them, but I'm getting imprisonned, hanged by the ankles and unrespected by these idiotic Bostopians and that Snort guy. I'm almost willing to ask the Hans to help me, but they surely won't, as they're as bad as the Bostopians. Hell, with that hidden detection device, the army will surely find me... Wait, they won't... I forgot they were using MFE Millénaire... this is going to be hard then, unless Claude knows I'm lost and orders the government to buy Vision or Expérimentation... they need it... God, please help me! I've been a great catholic guy for all my life and only wished to help my neighbour despite agreeing to gay marriages and abortions. PLEASE!!!

Ok, enough whining. I'll ask them tomorrow for a game of soccer to be played. After all, I'm a good enough footballer and the only reason I'm not on that NT is because I'm president... Ah well...

Dancougar News!!
All hail Lelouch!

Playoffs begin on the road: And now two matches will decide if it's Dancougar or Kereca who go onto the finals in Cafundeu and Septentrionia. Two more games for a Black Wing team that showed signs of slowing down against Cypron, as the crowded international calendar begins to take its toll. The Kerencans will host the first leg and Charles DuPont will want at least a draw going into the second leg in Yuki City.

"We have to be more alert in this match, more poised," he said earlier today. "We'll need to come out strong and get a good first fifteen minutes or so, just to make sure we keep the pace of the game where we want it. Then we can worry about pressing."

On paper, it looks to be an even matchup. Kereca went 7-2-3 in Group 2 with 20 goals for and 12 against, while the Wings finished Group 11 play at 7-3-2, 23 for, 13 against. The Wings have a win and a draw against third-ranked Milchama as their bragging point, while the Kerecans can point to draws with Tynelia, the Holy Empire, and a win over Northern Bettia. Sure, their rank is nearly twice that of Dancougar's, but if rank meant anything, we'd already be in the tournament.

"We were here in World Cup 40 outside the top 50, and we came up with the playoff win," said DuPont, recalling his first tournament with the team. "So we know that the rank doesn't mean much at this point. All teams that have made the playoffs are quality."

Despite this, several international outlets have made Dancougar their consensus pick to win the tie.

Van der Horst aching and loving it: When defender Milan van der Horst received his first call-up to the national team, he was looking forward to testing his skills against international talent. But he couldn't expect that he'd get even more chances with his club team, Yuki City Athletic.

Athletic played through the group stages of both the TakilQuip Champions' Cup and Globe Cup, and lost in the Globe Cup knockout round to eventual champions Cafundo do Juta. Add this to the domestic season and van der Horst has seen more matches than anyone else on the team. He's started many of them, probably more than he should. As a result, his fitness is a question and Charles DuPont is being advised to sit him and give him a chance to recover.

Van der Horst is having none of it.

"I'm here to play," he said. "Nothing helps you grow as a player than playing lots of games against lots of good players. I've learned a lot as a starter here and with Athletic."

Van der Horst had improved his play since the beginning of qualifiers and has seen that translate to additional success for Athletic, which became the first Dancougar club team to survive a major tournament's group stage. He was also a big part of Dancougar's second half run which saw them win five of their last seven after losing twice on the road. But he admits that he has less in the tank after a long season, and has seen Mikhail Balalaika replace him in many a second half.

Scheduling conflict moves playoff: In a short-sighted move that smacks of hubris, the Dancougar FA has been forced to move the home playoff against Kereca to Eastport, as the National Stadium will be hosting the TakilQuip Champions' Cup final between Yuba United and Petardos S/A at the same time. It will only be the second home match for the Wings not played in Yuki City, the first being a 1-0 friendly win against Arroza.

The Dancougar FA tried to avoid a scandal by claiming the conflict did not arise because they expected automatic qualification. "We made arrangements with the TakilQuip organizers before the playoff dates were made public," said one official, speaking under the condition of anonymity.

** An official message to Princess Jacinta Sasha Dallas and Princess Marie-Antoinette Dallas**

To their Royal Highness' Princess Jacinta Sasha Dallas and Princess Marie-Antoinette Dallas,

We would be honoured if both of you would be able to visit Bloumany and attend the second leg game between the Blouman Empire and Jeru FC. Both of you have achieved cult status and popularity amongst the Blouman populace and would be more than appreciative if you were able to find time in your busy schedule to watch an important game while visiting our fine country. A special dinner held the night before the game will be in your honour where Blouman nobility and other VIP will be attending as well as players and managers of both our teams. During the game you will also be honourable quests in the Emperors corporate box where a selection of Blouman nobles will be in attendance to help cheer on the Eagles, your presence will be more than welcome.

Sincerely

Emperor Henry IV Emperor of the Blouman Empire Prince of Truingren etc.

A Radio was on in the background of the offices of the BFSA's president... Andrew Coulter.

Hi, this is a BazFM Special Report and I am David Jones.

After 12 Matches have been played the Bazalonian Bazalopes are sitting pretty on the top of the group 9 table 1 point ahead of the Bostopians, and yet no one has seemed to care. The Bazalopes have clinched automatic qualification into the World Cup group stage of the finals and The only question remains is why have the fan's deserted the national team? I now take you to Janice Peterson in Land de Wood where the Bazalopes have narrowly beaten the home team 3 goals to 2.

Thank you David, attendance here in at Land de Wood is astounding, the stadium here is full of supporters. Though practically no Bazalonian's, there's a small group of about 5 Bazalope supporters lost in the sea of the home team's supporters. This can really be the only cause of such a narrow margin of victory. I'm here with Andrew Coulter, president of the Bazalonian Federation of Soccer Associations. Andrew, mind sheding some light on what happened?

Hi, Janice, I'll do what I can.

Thank you... Are surprised by the sudden drop in national interest in soccer?

To be honest a bit of yes, a bit of no... Until this and the previous world cup in which we were a shock runner up we battled for every scrap of ranking, position and respect that we could and now suddenly were in the top 10, 10 games in won 9 and 1 draw. The idea that our tream struggles to even get to the Round of 16 in the Finals has just flown out the window. As a nation we've always loved underdogs and now, we're all but underdogs... but as a nation are still a sport loving nation and it's surprised me that the attendance and media interest have just suddenly gone.

This brings me on to my next question, there has been some remarkable upsets groups 2, 3 and 4 is still so close. Do you think that the team needs to lose for the fan's to come back?

Look it's the world cup the toughest and most contested sporting event in the world... anything can happen, but no I don't think so. This is the qualifications and to be honest I think people are starting to take this for granted. So let's just see what happens in Cafundeu or Septentrionia where ever we end up.

Thank you Andrew and all the best for the team wth the last matches...

Thanks, Janice.

This Janice Peterson at the SeaBazalope Arena at Cantinople, back to you at the Studio David.

Thank you Janice, and this is David Jones signing for this BazFM Special report.

The Radio switched off...

"This could be a disaster...." He talked aloud to himeself as he realised what might happen if they performed like they did against Land de Wood in the upcoming group stage who knows what would happen.

There was only one thing remaining he could do. He sat down at his desk and picked up his phone... It was time to for Peter Hobble to return to the world Stage.

A shadowy figure in a dark-basement was looking at the flickering light of the Television, it was showing the group 10 table with Krytenia out of it.

"HeheheHaHaHaHaHaBWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHaHaHahahahaheeeeeeeeee" he evil laughed the light showing off his extremely large mouth. "Exactly as I planed. FAIL are in the World Cup and now.... The World Cup itself will FAIL... HeheheHaHaHaHaHaBWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHaHaHahahahaheeeeeeeeee."

He duplicated his evil laugh, he really loved that particular evil laugh of his and he revelled in it every chance he had. "Uh, Boss... Your plan was to get FAIL into 3rd place in the table, and then to somehow knock Krytenia out of it? Making FAIL 2nd in the group?"

"Yes, you imbicile... That was the only way to get C&M involved into the World Cup too.... HeheheHaHaHaHaHaBWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHaHaHahahahaheeeeeeeeee."

A door opened a rather unhappy, olded woman was at the door, light streamed in, She flicked a switch at the door and the entire room was lit. There he was a 21 year old, with a 19 year old friend sitting in the basement watching TV.

"David, dear, can you please cut out your evil laughing. Your father and I are trying to Watch 'The Price is Wrong!'"

"Mum, How can I be an evil genius if you won't let me practice my evil laugh?"

"Honey, you know it... and you should keep it for when you do one of your caper's dear, oh and honey, Don't watch TV in the Dark it will ruin your eye's."

She closed the door leaving the light on and headed back up the stairs.

THE DAILY REVIEW

Golding Flies in for Playoff

Newly signed Franhamps United striker Issac Golding arrived by personel helicopter at the Empire's training camp in an attempt to make up for the days he spent negotiating his club transfer in Holchmain. Golding joined his teammates a day late as the Empire prepared for its first leg of the playoffs against Jeru FC.

Just minuted before the Intra Blouman transfer window closed Golding sealed a deal from Regarmar's Tollingbrough to Franhamps for a Holchmainian record of 25 million pounds.

He was supposed to be at training yesterday but his helicopter did not arrive at camp just outside the Jeru FC home ground until early this morning. The Empire is one of 10 teams who finished third in their groups who have to play a home and away leg against one other team in order to qualify into the World Cup.

Golding is returning to the team after missing the final game against Green Wombat and it is unknown if manager Scweppe will start him yet or not or keep him as a sub like the rest of the tournament. Golding had publicly said that he would prefer to stay at Tollingbrough but Franchamps who finished second on the ladder last season put up a big enough offer to tempt Tollingbrough to release the striker a year earlier from his contract.

TO: Emperor Henry IV Emperor of the Blouman Empire Prince of Truingren
From: Royal Secretary to the King of Jeruselem

Princess Marie-Antoinette Dallas and Princess Jacinta Sasha Dallas will accept your invitation to the Blouman Empire for the 2nd leg of the World Cup 42 playoff between Jeru FC and Blouman Empire. The King of Jeruselem and his wife Katherine Alexandra Dallas will be back from holidays in Ariddia so the two Princesses will no longer be required to rule the country.

Please be aware the two Princesses are not normal princesses as such. Not the well behaved sort who just float around official functions. Being the fun loving attention whores they are, be prepared for weird antics as evidenced by their mother Lady Dazzarina Handiskya Dallas, Ambassador to Qazox. They are also Princesses for the ordinary person, not afraid to mingle with the masses and meet the ordinary person on the streets.

Regards

World Cup Qualification - Group 1
MD1: vs Sel Appa (2-0)
MD2: @ Icy Cold Death Touch (0-0)
MD3: vs Kiryu-shi (3-1)
MD4: @ Ixania (2-1)
MD5: -bye-
MD6: vs Jeruselem (0-3)
MD7: @ The Archregimancy (1-1)
MQ: ---
MD8: @ Sel Appa (3-2)
MD9: vs Icy Cold Death Touch (2-2)
MD10: @ Kiryu-shi (1-0)
MD11: vs Ixania (2-1)
MD12: -bye-
MD13: @ Jeruselem (0-1)
MD14: vs The Archregimancy (0-1)
QM1: @ Prux
QM2: vs Prux
PQ: vs The Holy Empire (@ TBD)

O vendetta di Dio, quanto tu dei
esser temuta da ciascun che legge
ciò che fu manifesto a li occhi mei!


"Are you sure this is the right place?"

Father Thomas looked at his map. They had come to Prux. Upon arriving in Prux, they went immediately to the Satanist graveyard, where the match was supposed to have been held. He checked his watch and saw that the time was well-past the time for the match, but they also had been there for just as long. Where were the zombies?

"I fear that they might have played the match on a different field."

"But then they would have lied then?"

"They're zombies! From a Satanist cult! Lies and deception are their way!"

"But what about our own team? They who made the zombies say that we have created zombies too!"

"But you see as the zombies wander? They have no master. They are neither dead nor living, and they are condemned to wander in futile search for purpose. But our Saints, they are truly alive, though bodily dead. They have the LORD as Master, and live by His grace. So enough of this zombie non-sense."

"But is it true what they said of the Christ?"

Father Thomas, quickly having one of those moments, had a flashback to the time of Iesu Christe - saw him before Thomas, not bidding him to touch his wounds but rather to bite him, as the zombies had professed. He was only there for a short moment, watching as Thomas bit into the Lord. 'Eat and believe.' He shuttered that thought. "Blasphemy."

"Tastes like chicken?" his gullible accomplice said.

"I said blasphemy! Stop talking about that non-sense. We've got to go find those stupid zombies and put them on a field with us on it. I'll not leave Prux without making a mess out of them!"

=== THE DREAMED REALM ===

They had come to Eulogus's residence that day, and though he could count the hours, he certainly could not count the days. "What is the day?"

"Well, some among the Holy Empire do not concern themselves with archaic ideas as time. Time is the instrument of age, and here, we do not age unless we so please. And there's only so much that one can age."

"This place is strange."

"Strange is not a word that I would use. Unique, more appropriate. Now, the Ordinary Realm... that's a strange place. They concern themselves with impractical ideas that are constrained by untenable views of practicality."

"Is that a slaying against the Church?"

"No, just the ignorant sentients as usual. Trust me when I say that the Church is not the worst violator of this pact."

Caesar - as he was affectionately called - decided to intervene. "We have come for the Book that possesses the Ultimate Question to Life, the Universe, and Everything."

"That book? Don't you have it in Ordinary Reality?"

"Well, the Church burned it at the stake, salted it thoroughly, and had its remains chewed by a harem of ravenous rabbits."

With that remark, Eulogus laughed. Tucker couldn't interpret it as either an insult or a critique. Whatever it was, it wasn't very nice. Eulogus stopped laughing as soon as he realized that it was a joke. "Oh, so you were being serious. I was thinking that Catholic Friars made some of the best jokes in the Ordinary Realm." He put his head to his hand, thinking. "Well, the Book would certainly be found in a library. But..."

"What's wrong?"

"The Book itself doesn't possess the Ultimate Question."

"What?" Tucker cried. "Where is the Ultimate Question?!?"

"Well, the book is an exploration for the Ultimate Question, and hence in it are the clues that will bring you to this truth."

"Which is why we need the book," Caesar said. "I misspoke when I said 'possesses' earlier."

"Ah, then we are settled."

"But the Ultimate Question is not in the book?" Tucker then asked, surprised to see that they were still settled upon reading a book that didn't have the answers.

"Yes."

"Then why are we reading it if it doesn't have the Ultimate Question?"

Eulogus smiled. "I've forgotten how the Ordinary Realm is so convoluted with the idea that books are meant to give you answers." He turned to Tucker, saying simply, "No book in the Dreamed Realm possesses answers - only questions."

"But the Ultimate Question is a question!"

"But it's the answer. Haven't you heard of Jeopardy?"

Carmina qui quondam studio florente peregi,
flebilis heu maestos cogor inire modos.
ecce mihi lacerae dictant scribenda Camenae
et ueris elegi fletibus ora rigant.
has saltem nullus potuit peruincere terror,
ne nostrum comites prosequerentur iter.
gloria felicis olim uiridisque iuuentae,
solantur maesti nunc mea fata senis.
uenit enim properata malis inopina senectus
et dolor aetatem iussit inesse suam.
intempestiui funduntur uertice cani
et tremit effeto corpore laxa cutis.
mors hominum felix, quae se nec dulcibus annis
inserit et maestis saepe uocata uenit.
eheu, quam surda miseros auertitur aure
et flentes oculos claudere saeua negat!
dum leuibus male fida bonis fortuna faueret
paene caput tristis merserat hora meum;
nunc quia fallacem mutauit nubila uultum
protrahit ingratas impia uita moras.
quid me felicem totiens iactastis, amici?
qui cecidit, stabili non erat ille gradu.


SOMEWHERE DEEP IN SBIS HQ.....

"....and you're Eulogus can be trusted?"

"Absolutely sir. There's no reason to believe these two Catholics are any danger. One of them's an old friend of Eulogus, and has been here before - he's a philosopher, a searcher after truth and knowledge, precisely the sort of person we've traditionally allowed to visit."

"So long as they're searching after the right sort of knowledge, Nicephorus."

"Is 'Ultimate Question to Life, the Universe, and Everything' the right sort of knowledge sir?"

"Ah. I see. Eulogus has a copy of the Codex, doesn't he?"

"Sometimes, sir. When he chooses to."

"And will he show these.... mundies his copy of the Codex?"

"I don't know, sir. So far he seems to be amusing himself by confusing one of them by discussing the nature of the Dreamed Realm."

"But he might show them the Codex...."

"He might, sir."

"Is that safe?"

"Well, if you're referring to all of those previous mundies who went insane after reading the Codex, then possible not, but there are others who..."

"Who have achieved some form of enlightenment, and return to Ordinary Reality ... altered. When they choose to return. In any case, Nicephorus, it sounds as if the situation is under control. Continue to monitor Eulogus, but it doesn't sound as if any further intervention is necessary. Not yet, anyway."

"So David, when do you expect the new stadium to be ready?" Mani Dartian, the Vice President of the DFA, inquired.

The now wrinkled but stoic face of David Masteron turned to his colleague. The former captain and then manager of the national team had been busy these last few months, trying to get Demotian football back on track. Having been elected to a second term of President of the DFA, he had the responciblity of upholding the National Team as well as the domestic league. Still, despite his troubles and weighty responcibilities, the fifty-two year old was almost always wearing a smile, and it was with a huge smile that he answered the vice president.
"The teams are saying that within the month that facility shall be completed and ready for business. All that remains is to decide upon the name of the this new massive stadium, and the future home of the national team will have all of its' pre-opening day affairs in order."

"Speaking of the name sir, there has been three suggestions by the Federation, and they are leaving it up to you to decide. The first is a fan favorite, Masteron Stadium, quite an honor isn't it? The others are the Dominier Stadium, or Stadium of the Demotians. Viella wants to know as soon as possible about your decision, so they can start doing advertisements."

"Ah, that's the trouble of having to get a foriegn company to bankroll this undertaking. Yet I think after all that the national team has done, they deserve a more modern and sleek stadium to call home. Though the Dominier's have been a good influence on Demot, they have not helped the footballing community at all. The Stadium of the Demotians while nationalistic, just has no creative flair. That leaves Masteron Stadium, of which I will gladly accept though my contriibutions were small, as the name of the new stadium."

Mani grinned, as he had hoped that the hero of tournaments of old would pick the stadium that honored him. Though David would never admit it, he was the driving force of the WC teams in those tournaments when Demot was one of the best teams in the world. Then leading the team as manager to their second place triumph in 38, he was folk hero of the people.
"It's a very fitting stadium for your name if you don't mind me saying. It's the largest in the nation, at 78,000 capacity, but not one of those ugly mammoths in other countries. It's classy and will hoopefully bring good fortune to the national team, and whoever else might make an appearance there."

The two chuckled and shared their hopes that Demot might one day make it back to the Final. If it were to come to pass, that fortunes be reversed, and the Demotians be celebrating a huge victory rather than the dissapointment of a resounding defeat that befell them against Az-cz in World Cup 38. It was both the brightest and darkest days for Demot, as the team had not made it to the quarterfinals since.

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World Cup Qualification - Group 1
MD1: vs Sel Appa (2-0)
MD2: @ Icy Cold Death Touch (0-0)
MD3: vs Kiryu-shi (3-1)
MD4: @ Ixania (2-1)
MD5: -bye-
MD6: vs Jeruselem (0-3)
MD7: @ The Archregimancy (1-1)
MQ: ---
MD8: @ Sel Appa (3-2)
MD9: vs Icy Cold Death Touch (2-2)
MD10: @ Kiryu-shi (1-0)
MD11: vs Ixania (2-1)
MD12: -bye-
MD13: @ Jeruselem (0-1)
MD14: vs The Archregimancy (0-1)
QM1: @ Prux (0-3)
QM2: vs Prux
PQ: vs The Holy Empire (@ TBD)

«Credi tu, Malacoda, qui vedermi
esser venuto», disse 'l mio maestro,
«sicuro già da tutti vostri schermi,

sanza voler divino e fato destro?
Lascian' andar, ché nel cielo è voluto
ch'i' mostri altrui questo cammin silvestro».

Allor li fu l'orgoglio sì caduto,
ch'e' si lasciò cascar l'uncino a' piedi,
e disse a li altri: «Omai non sia feruto».


"What?"

"3-0." It was that simple.

"Didn't you try the Holy Water?"

"No effect, whatsoever. In fact, the zombies bit the Saints, and obliged the players to score on themselves. It came to such a point that the Fathers ate the ball and forced the game to stop after 10 minutes. It was a bad place in the first place."

"This is an outrage!"

"Maybe. At least, we've discovered that zombies are not unholy."

"But they're undead!"

"Undead, but not unholy."

"So how do we counter this?"

"Well..." Father Thomas brought out a holy amulet that shone with a holy light. "This will be our key."

"That thing?"

"It is the only light by which the undead oblige. I used it to cure the team. And the team are doing very well."

"We can't afford to lose to zombies, unholy or not! No more fouls!"

=== THE DREAMED REALM ===

Eulogus brought out a gigantic book and set it on the table. Friar Tucker looked perplexed at the book, as he wondered. "No, this is not the Book. It's just blocking the way to the Book."

"Okay." Friar Tucker looked on, as Eulogus went to get the other book. He returned with an even larger book. Again he wondered if this was the Book.

"No. This one was also blocking the Book. I'll get it out this time."

"Alright." Tucker continued to look on, wondering where Caesar had gone. It was at least a minute before Eulogus returned with a tiny book, almost unworthy of being called the Book. "That little thing?"

"This is the Codex. In it contains the clues by which one can arrive at the Ultimate Question."

"How can something so small hold something so big?"

"Well, it depends on how you perceive the small and the big."

Caesar returned with a sleeping cap and pyjamas. Friar Tucker had the most horrified face, wondering what these men were conspiring. Eulogus nodded. "You must be pressed for time."

"Well, I'm not sure if we are pressed for time. But it's much easier than reading."

"What are you talking about?" Friar Tucker asked.

"He's going to sleep," Eulogus replied, seemingly with approval.

"Sleep? At a time like this? We need to seek the Ultimate Question!"

"And I intend to do this by sleeping. I'll need the Codex."

"Absolutely."

Friar Tucker was still confused. "Sleeping?"

Caesar rested upon a couch in Eulogus's study and placed the book under his head. Before he rested his eyes, he nodded. "Sleeping." At that, he began to snore very loudly. Eulogus went to the fridge where he pulled out a giant salami sandwich. Friar Tucker was in the midst of this baffling confused state as all went around, and he felt at that moment, that he was losing his mind. All of the teachings of dogma had been refuted by a simple passage of time in the Dreamed Realm. Eulogus began to scarf his sandwich as he decided to help his Catholic companion.

"It's only your first time in the Dreamed Realm, isn't it?"

"Yes."

"Well, I must admit that you're taking this much more seriously than you need to be taking it."

"How so?"

"Well, for one - you need to drop the idea that ideas are fixed."

"But they are. How else does one arrive at truth?"

"Ah, but is truth an idea?" Eulogus wiped off a disgusting large piece of salami from his lips. Friar Tucker seemed a little distraught, but soon replied with some sense of dignity. "But it is composed of ideas."

"Truth may be composed of ideas, but as Truth itself is immutable, it is not an idea. Imagine this world around you. Is it material or immaterial?"

"Material."

"But how is it that you come into the Dreamed Realm, where no material exists?"

Friar Tucker scratched his head. "There isn't a material substance here?"

"There is substance, but it is not material," Eulogus affirmed. He pointed at the sandwich. "In a few hours, you will have expected my digestive system to have completely processed the sandwich into some chimeric chyme, after which I will excrete the remnants from my arse. But you also will note that there aren't any toilets in my place. Why is that?"

"Because... you shit on the street?"

"There isn't shit on the street. In fact, there isn't shit on any street. No one uses the bathroom. Hardly a need for it."

"But where does the sandwich go?"

Eulogus gulped the sandwich in one bite. "What sandwich?"

"The one that you just ate!"

"Do you have any proof of it?"

"Yes, you just ate it! I saw you eat it!"

"Ah, but your sight - what is that?"

"It's what I see."

"And what do you see?"

"What my eyes allow me to see."

"Indeed!" Eulogus jumped up with joy. "And what makes you think that you have eyes?"

"Well, if I look in the mirror..."

"That's a novelty. You're going to believe your eyes that your eyes physically exist?"

"Of course! Why wouldn't I?"

"And let me suppose that if you heard a unicorn talk but never saw it that you wouldn't believe it existed?"

"Well, I wouldn't know what I hear..."

"So why should you endow your eyes the honor of trust while denying the same honor to your ears?" Eulogus paused as he let Friar Tucker think.

"I don't know what to say."

"You shouldn't trust that what you see is in fact true, because after all, your eyes may say that you have eyes, but what about your fingers? If you were blind, but could feel your eyes, would believe that you had eyes?"

"I wouldn't know eyes were."

"Indeed!" Eulogus replied with even more joy. "And if you fingers felt the eyes, you wouldn't know what you were feeling. So why should you believe that you have eyes at all?"

"Well, because I see."

"Do you see, or do you think you see?"

Eulogus hit a nerve. Friar Tucker suddenly fell back and slammed his head on the table, before resting on the floor. It was a tragic end to the discussion, but Eulogus felt that progress had been accomplished. In the meantime, his friend was busily battling demons of his own. He decided to get another sandwich from the freezer to wait out the time intervening.

Hamburger Hill Herald

The thought of Saints playing in a graveyard was so repulsive to them, that after 10 minutes of play, and 11 Zombie bites, MSS effectively quit, with the score 3-0. So just as long as we don't actually play in Heaven or the Dreamed Realm or on Golgotha itself in the next match, we should advance to our 1st World Cup with either a win or a draw or even a loss by fewer than 3 goals. Zombie Ronaldo had 2 goals and Zombie Pelé added the 3rd, just before noshing on the neck of Saint Ioannes a Cruce and the leg of Saint Cyrillus Alexandrinus. The only MSS player not attacked, for whatever reason was Saint Teresia Lexoviensis, who was found in the locker room cluching a vial of Holy Water, a Crucifix and 3 Rosaries.

Schedule:
vs. Arroza WIN 3-0 (1-0-0 record)
@ Land de Wood WIN 3-0 (2-0-0 record)
vs. Greal WIN 2-0 (3-0-0 record)
@ Bazalonia Lose 1-3 (3-0-1 record)
vs. Nuevos Aires W 5-0 (4-0-1 record)
@ Bostopia Lose 0-5 (4-0-2 record)
BYE
@ Arroza DRAW 2-2 (4-1-2 record)
vs. Land de Wood DRAW 2-2 (4-2-2 record)
@ Greal WIN 2-0 (5-2-2 record)
vs. Bazalonia Lose 1-3 (5-2-3 record)
@ Nuevos Aires WIN 3-1 (6-2-3 record) clinched playoff berth.
vs. Bostopia Lose 0-4 (6-2-4 record) In Playoffs
BYE
Playoff:
G1: vs. Magna Sancta Sedes WIN 3-0 (lead 1-0, 3-0 Aggregate)
G2: @ Magna Sancta Sedes


Prux' Goals:
Zombie Pelé: 7
Zombie Ronaldo: 5
Zombie Zinedine Zidane (aka Triple Z): 4
Zombie Just Fontaine: 3
Dr. Mkembe: 3
Zombie Lothar Matthäus: 3
Zombie Diego Maradona: 2

Dancougar News!!
Ghost Hound is like a slower, less awesome version of Higurashi, except with the Fonz. Eeeeeeyyyy.

A shot in the arm: Dancougar 4 @ 2 Kereca: That's just what the team needed, a big win and an offensive windfall! Perhaps the campaign is back on track, and at a critical time. The Wings will take a two-goal aggregate lead back home to the City of Eastport Municipal Stadium after winning the road leg of their World Cup qualification playoff against Kereca.

The Wings got the early lead through Dan Potts and never gave it up, although Kereca pulled within a goal on two separate occasions and threatened to ride the home crowd's energy to the equalizer. But now truly in a do-or-die situation, the team responded with goals of their own, delighting the towel-waving Dancougar section at the Kerecan stadium. Chants of "Here we go Black Wings, here we go!" could be heard throughout the second half, which is never a good sign if you're the home team.

"When the visiting fans are louder, it's a morale-killer," said Charles DuPont. "Kereca were never able to regain control of the match, even after scoring. I think that our boys, today, really felt like they let the fans down in the last match, and they wanted to thank the travelers for making it feel like home."

The Kerecan crowd showed some real spirit at the start of the match, as the team dominated possession for the first five minutes. Yuji Watanabe was tested early with a lob shot in the 4th, but he reached up and held on. The defense withstood the first salvos and then broke into counterattack, and the Wings' first shot on target turned out to be gold. Lyle Dylandy made a diagonal run to the top of the box with the ball, luring defenders out of the way. With a quick poke, he punched the ball with the outside of his foot into the box and right to an oncoming Dan Potts, who tucked it home with a quick touch.

"Lyle just has great vision, to pick me out like that," said Potts, who celebrated his team-leading eighth goal. "We've been forcing those kinds of short passes the whole time, so they always get picked, but he set that one up perfectly."

It appeared like the floodgates were about to open up on the Kerecan defense when the Wings made it 2-0 just four minutes later. A square ball from Jericho Leyton found Benjamin Whittaker with room to maneuver. He got some space and fired a hopeful, dipping shot that should have been a routine save. But the 'keeper was slow to react and the ball bounced right underneath him before he could trap it. Two attempts on goal for the Wings, and two goals. You can't ask for much more than that. It was nearly three in the 19th when a Whittaker corner kick was headed hard at goal by Potts, but this time the 'keeper was equal to the challenge.

Twenty minutes gone, and then half an hour. Kereca slowly got back into the game as the Dancougar surge waned. Watanabe turned aside a low shot through traffic, but in the 33rd, Sho Yukikaze ceded a free kick on the edge of the box with a silly foul. He reached in with his foot to poke the ball away, but ended up striking the attacker's shin with his own before getting the ball. Yellow card, free kick, and what a beauty! Served up into the box, and a Kerecan forward won the aerial battle and headed it home. Kereca were right back in it, and had one more change before the halftime whistle. But the Wings also had a sight of goal, as a Casey Berber free kick from midfield nearly found the head of Shishio Jinguuji inside the six.

There we no changes by either manager as the second half got underway, and from the start, the Wings attempted to kill the pace of the game. Although they were urged forward by their fans, the Wings spent more time controlling the ball in midfield, as the foursome of Whittaker, Dylandy, Leyton, and Kazuki Midorikawa - who seems to be alternating with Underwood as Akira Morimoto's replacement - proved incredibly patient when creating their chances. Dylandy is to be praised for playing more physically than when qualifiers began, and he came close to a booking for a clumsy elbow while contesting a high ball.

Dancougar didn't want Kereca to get anywhere close to an equalizer, although it nearly came in the 53rd when a Watanabe failed to hold onto a stinging shot and Milan van der Horst just blasted it clear before any Kerecans got close. The next goal is always crucial in a one-goal game, and in this case, it went to the leaders. Potts, back to Whittaker, into the box for Leyton... goal! Rather than take the shot from a rough angle, Potts slipped it back to the hard-working midfielder, who looked up and saw Leyton running into space for the one-time shot from fifteen yards out. At 3-1, the Wings appeared to have things wrapped up.

Not yet, though! Although the crowd was mostly hushed by the turn of events, the Kerecan team fought bravely to get back into the game. The midfield started to open up as they made their first substitutes. Fresh legs were utilized for hard runs through the midfield, which put more pressure on the Dancougar defense. After two saves from Watanabe, the Dancougar section were starting to get drowned out by the home fans, who realized a goal was within reach. In minute 71, it came on a brilliant give-and-go... and give! Three rapid, precise passes completely broke through the defense of Berber and Yukikaze, leaving Watanabe to grasp at air. It was 3-2 with plenty of time for an equalizer.

But five minutes later, that hope was shattered by Jinguuji's left foot. The Kerecan crowd was silenced for good when the big forward accompanied Dylandy down the left side of the field and set himself up about ten yards away from goal. Dylandy held off a defender and threaded the ball through, which Jinguuji controlled, turned, and shot. The ball didn't look like it had much on it, but it was at a tough angle and just aimed inside the post. The 'keeper failed to close down the space and it trickled through to make it 4-2. By then, DuPont had brought on fresh help in Mikhail Balalaika and Anthony Ingram. Kereca, unable to ever close the gap, attacked with less conviction as the end drew nearer and saw each one turned back.

DuPont is confident that his team can finish the job in Eastport, but says he doesn't plan on taking Kereca lightly in the return leg. The usual eleven will start, he says, and they will continue to push for goals. "They're a team that can spring one on you no matter where you play," he said. "Look at their group; they played several teams ranked above them, and they got results. We will have to be on our guard."

Fans welcome venue switch: Only once in the history of the Dancougar national team has a home game been played outside of Yuki City's National Stadium. One out of twenty eight. It's about to become two for twenty nine, as the team will host Kereca in the 45,000 seat City of Eastport Municipal Stadium, home of the D-League's Eastport United.

Eastport is one of the twin cities of the east, the other being Port Royal. They're referred to as such since they straddle opposite sides of the Kishin River delta as it flows into the ocean which surrounds Atlantian Oceania. The entire area is a hotbed of footballing activity, and organizers are expecting a packed stadium. "We never get the chance to see the national team live, since they only ever play in the capital," said local fan Ronald Dunn. "So we definitely approve of their having the game here. They should do that more often."

Port Royal fans are expected to cross the Kishin River in droves to see local hero Dan Potts, who currently leads the national team in scoring. No Eastport United players are on the roster, although it does have four players who have been in the past. Security is not a major concern, as Eastport City police chief Kento Ilita is reveling in the nation's budget increase for crime fighting and prevention.

Playoff Previews - Second Legs: After one leg, we're that much closer to completing the World Cup 42 field. It would have made more sense to do this before the playoffs started, but that sounds sensible. Instead, we'll just focus on looking at the the final battles for the five spots still up for grabs.

Az-cz @ Rennidan (1-1): We were looking at the Rennidan roster and discovered it to be somewhat... normal. I suppose we're used to seeing a hardcore bunch from that country, but whoever these guys are, they showed some spunk by tying the dwarves on the road. Can they pull off the upset at home? I hope so, because we at the Dancougar News!! think it would be great if there was even the slightest chance that the Dancougar-Rennidan rivalry could spill over from the gridiron onto the pitch.
Prediction: Az-cz 0 - 1 Rennidan (Rennidan advances)

Prux @ Magna Sancta Sedes (3-0): The zombies made easy work of the saints in the opening leg, but we wonder how they'll hold up on holy ground. They didn't seem to have a problem the first time around and declared a feast day to enjoy tasty theological brains, but word has it that MSS may have discovered an ultimate something or other to turn the tide. We're not convinced. They may have the word of God on their side, but Prux midfielder Diego Maradona has the dude's hand.
Prediction: Prux 1 - 2 MSS (Prux advances)

Kose and the Turkomans @ Ad'ihan (1-2): Bad luck for the Turks; having lost their home match, they now face an uphill battle against a tough opponent. It's never fun to have to travel in this situation; the ability to qualify at home is definitely extra incentive for their opponents. And can we really have the Turks advance to a World Cup that doesn't include Newmanistan? We at the Dancougar News!! appear to have a bias for rivalries.
Prediction: Kose and the Turkomans 1 - 3 Ad'ihan (Ad'ihan advances)

Kereca @ Dancougar (2-4): You have to go all the way back to a World Cup 41 pre-qualifying friendly against Newmanistan to find the last match the Black Wings lost at home. This certainly bodes well for the second leg against Kereca. Although, the last time we bothered to mention streaks in our previews was when we said we had three straight shutouts going into the match with Cypron, which was a 2-2 draw at home that denied us direct qualification. Wait... we just jinxed the team, didn't we?
Prediction: Kereca 2 - 2 Dancougar (Dancougar advances)

Jeru FC @ Blouman Empire (2-0): We had our radio transponders pointed at the Blouman Empire for the entire tournament, and saw nothing but static. But in the last few days, there's been an explosion of activity, which researchers have named the "wow signal." The royal families of both sides seem to be conducting things rather cordially, although are the army boys just setting themselves up for another disappointing trip to the Cup of Harmony? No, their time has come.
Prediction: Jeru FC 2 - 1 Blouman Empire (Jeru FC advances)

Sadie: Hey coach!
Alfredo: I'm not your coach anymore, but it's nice to get some respect still.
Sadie: You're still my coach.
Alredo: I wish more of the team were like you sometimes.

Sadie: The dream is nearly there coach!
Alfredo: One more game, one more game. All we need to do is to score a few away goals to kill of Blouman Empire's chances.
Sadie: Jeru FC making the finals! That's something I'd like to see.
Alfredo: Still, we must play this last game. The team must not buckle under the pressure.

Sadie: Blouman Empire aren't bad, are they?
Alfredo: They played well here, but they'll play better at home.
Monique: Hey, Moneybags.
Alfredo: Hi Moany, I'm hoping my team joins yours pretty soon.

Sadie: How come Alfredo is called Moneybags when he's not even rich?
Monique: He's a Monopolist man. He likes money.
Alfredo: It's not everything but ... I like it here in Jeruselem better.
Sadie: Why is that?

Alfredo: Everyone is not as money grubbing.
Monique: But we're still money grubbing.
Alfredo: Not to extremes ...
Sadie: I heard the two Princesses got invited to the Blouman Empire.

Alfredo: I suppose we'll need a cheersquad over there.
Monique: Yes, you'll need a bit of support from someone.
Sadie: So - what's the plan against them?
Alfredo: Hit them hard with some away goals so they give up by half time.

Monique: But your team has trouble scoring goals.
Alfredo: Sometimes we can score goals, most of the time we have trouble - yes. I have plan B.
Sadie: Plan B?
Alfredo: System Karela. If we can't win, we'll force a draw.

Monique: You only have a 2-0 lead.
Alfredo: I want early goals for the away goals to take effect.
Sadie: It's nearly there - one more game.
Alfredo: Yes, one more game.

Monique: You're almost a Jeruselemite there Alfredo.
Alfredo: Yes, four cups with Jeru FC - must be a record or something.
Monique: It is - Dazza did three cups with Jeruselem.
Alfredo: But she's a legend, Jeru FC weren't even contenders to qualify at that time.

Sadie: Hey, you've been looking at Monique's boobies coach!
Monique: She still calls you coach, lucky fella. Not bad boobies eh?
Alfredo: Well, you're not bad looking for an ex-porno star.
Monique: Dazza's in better shape than me. Look at Sadie instead, hers look better. Speaking of boobies ...

Marie: HEY, WELL DONE ALFREDO.
Alfredo: Thanks Princess. We have one more game ... one game.
Marie: Me and sis will be there too. I tell ya what - if Jeru FC make the finals, I'll give ya a million.
Alfredo: That makes a man more motivated.

Marie: And if ya make the 2nd round, 2 million!
Alfredo: I'm not sure about that bit will happen but I'll be doing my best.
Monique: Hey, what do I get?
Marie: We'll double your salary if you make the quarters. Alfredo doesn't get much pay as Jeru FC coach.

Monique: I suppose I do have the better team with higher expections.
Alfredo: First, we'll need to win or draw this next game in the Blouman Empire before I get ahead of myself.
Marie: Winning is for Gods, losing is for mortals.
Alfredo: That's football.

THE EMPIRE TIMES

Large Crowd to Welcome Princesses

A large crowd has already formed at Braxon International Airport awaiting the arrival of Princess Marie-Antoinette Dallas and Princess Jacinta Sasha Dallas who have been personally invited by the Emperor to attend the second leg of the playoff between the Blouman Empire and JERU FC. The two princesses will be the first foreign royalty to visit the Empire for 50 years and the entire Dallas family has a strong supporter base in the Empire and has achieved almost a cult status amongst the populace.

A crowd of 60,000 have already lined up in a special designation zone where the crowd will be able to view the two princesses' as they leave their plane. They will be greeted at the airport by Prince Luke II of Braxon and Princess Jessica, where a marching band will be greeting them with the national anthem of Jerusalem. The princess' will be then be taken through a slow drive through the middle of Braxon where a crowd expected to reach 150,000 will be there to cheer and see for the first time in the flesh their favorite Dallas girls. Security has expressed concern that the princess' may want to get closer to the adoring public but are confident that they will have all corners covered should they decide to go closer.

The Princesses will be staying at Normister Palace during their stay and the Emperor who has also flown into Braxon is holding a special dinner in their Princess' honour where both the JERU FC team and the Blouman team will be in attendance. Emperor Henry IV will be meeting the two Princesses' before the dinner to officially welcome them to the Empire and have a discussion with them, though the Imperial Press Office has not released any agenda.

-Two waiterd for the dinner to be held in the Princess' honour are talking while busily preparing tables-

Waiter1: You know I can't wait to be able to get a glimpse of the Princess'
Waiter2: Yeah me too, do you think they will sign the poster I have of them?
W1: Yeah I hope so, I brought one as well. My 15 year old brother has a thing for Princess Jacinta, he has a picture of her as his desktop not to mention the posters and the other day I caught him planning the wedding he thinks we will have with her
W2: Haha, well they are both so beautiful and they enjoy mingling with us lesser folk as the late Emperor Otto VI described us.

W1: Yeah so what table are you going to be serving?
W2: I have the leftovers, you know the ones that aren't high enough to really be here but aren't low enough that they can be not invited. Just a collection of people from various organisation the FFB, the BFF and a few lesser members of the nobility, I think the Count of the City of Braxon will even be on my table. How about you?
W1: I have the JERU FC table
W2: You lucky bastard how did you mange that one?
W1: Just luck but it is going to be the best job I have ever done, not to mention having Stacey Keiber at the table she is hot

W2: Dude, she is 19 your 22 you’re to old for her.
W1: Bugger off, three years isn't much and if she is anything like other girls from Jerusalem then I'm already half way there, I think I will try and get her number see if I can meet her after the game
W2: Yeah good luck with that, do you realize how many guys would be cracking on to her all the time besides she is in the army she would see a lot better guys than you, she isn't going to go for some waiter like you
W1: I bet you any amount of money that I will get her number and set up a date with her after the JERU FC game, she will be ecstatic since the game will see them qualify for the world cup
W2: Ok if she gives it to you I will give you 100 brax how’s that
W1: Sounds good you might as well give me the 100 now I know I will have it.

W1: What do you mean they are going to qualify?
W2: Well they already have the first win and two goals up, we aren't going to beat that we played well in the first half but we just gave up giving both Hardtop and Tarmack a goal each in the final 5 minutes. They will win this game and qualify, I just hope that we give them a strong game for the entire 90 minutes
W1: I think the Eagles will want a win they lost to JERU FC 2-1 in the last cup of harmony quarter finals and they lost to them last night they want a win and Scweppe is not going to be happy with them if they don't. Anyway I will still be cheering them on.
W2: Oh don’t get me wrong I will be cheering them on too but I think they are going to lose and I know that they won't win.

Jacinta: Hey, sis! Looking good.
Marie: Hey, how did we end up with matching dresses.
Jacinta: I think we think alike.
Marie: We're both pretty shiney.

Jacinta: I didn't know we had so many fans over here.
Marie: Yeah, I didn't know either.
Jacinta: You reckon we look like Barbie dolls.
Marie: Yes, but then I suppose that's why we're so popular.

Jacinta: You don't think this skirt is too short?
Marie: The folks want to see our legs, why cover them up?
Jacinta: I suppose.
Marie: I think they'll love these Hello Kitty tiaras.

Jacinta: Hey, you finished writing that book on female ferility deities?
Marie: I think all that partying at home kinda stopped that for a while.
Jacinta: I got some stuff on Helen of Troy for you. There's some juicy stuff on how she attracted men.
Marie: Cool, I need more stuff about Greek perception of fertility

Jacinta: How is the astrology part of the book going?
Marie: Slow going, need to get consult an expert astrologer about the patterns of planet Venus.
Jacinta: Wasn't Mum born when during the union of Venus and Mars?
Marie: Yeah, I heard about that. Still don't know what it really means.

Jacinta: It's funny, we're always getting funny gifts from the local Paganists.
Marie: Mothers always asking us to bless their body so they can have more children.
Jacinta: Must think we're some kinda of Goddesses.
Marie: Or they think, we're so fertile we can spread that around.

Jacinta: We seem to have a cult following around here too.
Marie: It's nice to have fans all over the world.
Jacinta: Not bad for granddaughters of a immigrant whore.
Marie: Well, it's Gods will.

Jacinta: Yeah, one can't complain.
Marie: All I need is a man.
Jacinta: Hands off Flak Sho! He's mine.
Marie: Maybe I'll find a better guy.

Jacinta: You'll get a few offers pretty soon.
Marie: I can afford to be choosey.
Jacinta: Let's go and PARTY
Marie: We've better behave ourselves, we're not at home.

This Qualifications playoffs second leg is brought to you by: The Conservative Party of [enter nation here]. Now with more rule breaking when they don't fit the party, more unregulated arms and economic problems!

World Cup Qualification - Group 1 FAIL to Qualify
MD1: vs Sel Appa (2-0)
MD2: @ Icy Cold Death Touch (0-0)
MD3: vs Kiryu-shi (3-1)
MD4: @ Ixania (2-1)
MD5: -bye-
MD6: vs Jeruselem (0-3)
MD7: @ The Archregimancy (1-1)
MQ: ---
MD8: @ Sel Appa (3-2)
MD9: vs Icy Cold Death Touch (2-2)
MD10: @ Kiryu-shi (1-0)
MD11: vs Ixania (2-1)
MD12: -bye-
MD13: @ Jeruselem (0-1)
MD14: vs The Archregimancy (0-1)
QM1: @ Prux (0-3)
QM2: vs Prux (1-0)
PQ: vs The Holy Empire (@ TBD)

A l'alta fantasia qui mancò possa;
ma già volgeva il mio disio e 'l velle,
sì come rota ch'igualmente è mossa,

l'amor che move il sole e l'altre stelle.


"What do you mean we lost?" The Pope was still confused about this concept of aggregate points.

"I'm saying that we lost."

"But we also won."

"Yes."

"So how does one win and lose at the same time?"

"Well, we were always losing."

"Then how were we winning?"

"We weren't at all."

"Then how did we win?"

"We won because we scored a goal in one match. But we lost because we conceded three in the other match."

"Now, I'm lost. There were two matches?"

Father Thomas de Turrecremata was having the greatest difficult - as if explaining these rules was torture enough for either them, for the Pope to comprehend, and himself to explain. Wasn't there a "Dummy's Book" on stuff like this? "We went to Prux, whereupon they played a 3-0 loss. They came here and played a 1-0 win."

"Well, if we needed 3 goals, why didn't they score any more?"

"To be honest, it was my fault."

"How so?"

"Well, as Father Thomas Aquinas gave the team final instructions, I converted the zombies into helpful sprites who neither wished to challenge us nor hinder us. After Father Iohannes a Cruce scored the first goal after 5 seconds, the team refused to play against the sprites, realizing that there was something more important than playing football."

"So what happened to the zombies?"

"Well, after they left, I heard that they converted back to their slovenly ways. They apparently bit the Doctor who commands them, who apparently is himself a zombie, but a hybrid one at that."

"This is getting too crazed. The doctor is a zombie who makes more zombies?"

"Well, I'm just telling you what I heard. For all that I know, they could be drowning somewhere in the middle of the sea, and we'll go to the World Cup anyway, because Prux's team of zombies failed to show up. Either that, or Prux will field another team..."

"Well, I think there's a lesson in all of this."

"What is that?" Father Thomas was particularly curious about what the Pope was to speak.

"If you reach a fork in the road, take it."

"Amen."

=== THE DREAMED REALM ===

Eulogus was busily eating his 1093rd sandwich when Caesar woke from his slumber shouting, "Eureka!"

"Eureka what?" Tucker asked, having already gotten up and recovered from his fall.

"I've found it!"

"You found the question?"

"No, the clue!"

"The clue to what?"

"The clue to discover the Ultimate Question!"

Tucker sighed. "I thought we were looking for the Ultimate Question! Not clues for it!"

Eulogus shunned him for that. "You'll never find the answers, as I said. Only the ways to arrive at them. Truth is a fickle thing, as it must weave its way through the fabric of reality."

"Well... what's the clue?"

"What do you get if you multiply six by nine?"

"54?"

"42!!!" Caesar said, bonking Tucker on the noggin. "42 is the answer!"

"But I thought that the answer to the Ultimate Question is 42... and if that's not the Ultimate Question, why is it 42?"

"That's another brilliant question!" Caesar responded with ecstatic joy. It was as if his joy were rebounding over the walls and bombarding Tucker with some awkward sensation of happiness. He wanted to smile, but there wasn't a reason to smile.

"So what does this 42 mean?"

"Base 13!"

"You've got me completely lost."

"Base 13. 9 of 13 multiplied 6 times of 13 equals 4 thirteens and 2 of thirteen! It's a number system developed by the Nasi Goreng society of some regime called China. I personally think that they copied the Goopensoop society of some other reality, but it's not clearly defined. But anyway, the Nasi Goreng created a system by which calendars are base 13! So we were to translate those 4 thirteens and 2 of thirteen into the calendar system, we get 4 epochs and 2 periods within those epochs."

"What does that mean?"

"I don't know yet. But we're getting closer."

"I don't think I like where we're going with this."

"Something is going happen! I can feel it. And it has something to do with this calendar system. We'll need more time to decipher its meaning."

"Ummmmmmmm... by that time, Earth will be destroyed."

"Strange that you should mention that," Caesar remarked suddenly. "In the Codex, the Earth is destroyed 5 minutes before the Ultimate Question is ever revealed."

Hamburger Hill Herald

Despite the rumors by MSS that Dr. Mkembe is also a Zombie, he is not, just has Zombie Power and a big Zombie Stick (too keep them in line, of course). The team of Zombies lost 1-0, after being turned into "sprites", whatever that is. But thanks to the 3 goals scored at home, Prux and the Zombies, once Dr. Mkembe re-applied the powder, advanced to the World Cup for the first time ever on aggregate goals, whatever that is.

So now finally our little nation is in the World Cup. If it's anything like the World Cup of Hockey, then we'll win it on our first attempt.

Schedule:
vs. Arroza WIN 3-0 (1-0-0 record)
@ Land de Wood WIN 3-0 (2-0-0 record)
vs. Greal WIN 2-0 (3-0-0 record)
@ Bazalonia Lose 1-3 (3-0-1 record)
vs. Nuevos Aires W 5-0 (4-0-1 record)
@ Bostopia Lose 0-5 (4-0-2 record)
BYE
@ Arroza DRAW 2-2 (4-1-2 record)
vs. Land de Wood DRAW 2-2 (4-2-2 record)
@ Greal WIN 2-0 (5-2-2 record)
vs. Bazalonia Lose 1-3 (5-2-3 record)
@ Nuevos Aires WIN 3-1 (6-2-3 record) clinched playoff berth.
vs. Bostopia Lose 0-4 (6-2-4 record) In Playoffs
BYE
Playoff:
G1: vs. Magna Sancta Sedes WIN 3-0 (lead 1-0, 3-0 Aggregate)
G2: @ Magna Sancta Sedes Lost 0-1 (won Series on Aggregate 3-1, Advanced to World Cup 42)
WORLD CUP 42:
MD1:
MD2:
MD3:


Prux' Goals:
Zombie Pelé: 6
Zombie Zinedine Zidane (aka Triple Z): 4
Zombie Just Fontaine: 3
Dr. Mkembe: 3
Zombie Ronaldo: 3
Zombie Lothar Matthäus: 3
Zombie Diego Maradona: 2

Dancougar News!!
Why, why, WHY did I start Peyton Manning over Donovan McNabb?!

Qualified! Dancougar 4 v 0 Kereca: A deafening roar from the City of Eastport Municipal Stadium, a sigh of relief from Charles DuPont, and smiles on the faces of the Dancougar national team. Their 4-0 home victory over Kereca last night gave them an 8-2 aggregate playoff win and a berth in their third straight World Cup finals.

"Qualification was a goal for us from the start, and to get it tonight in front of the home fans is special," said DuPont. "Obviously we hoped to get it earlier, but the team really came together for this playoff and hopefully we've ironed out some of the kinks we hit during group play." The Wing offense looked more fluid than at any point during the group stage, putting up four goals in two straight games for the first time since Oxen Cup VI.

The Kerecans got a few early looks what goalkeeper Yuji Watanabe turned aside, and the Wings settled down and controlled the match. The stadium, around 2/3 the size of the National Stadium, nevertheless presented a very intimidating environment. Songs were sung lustily and towels flapped in the breeze as the Wings marched upfield with possession. Jericho Leyton got off the first shot for the Wings, a low dipping ball that skipped off the 'keeper for a corner. They then came close in minute 20 when Dan Potts found himself with an open look and drilled the ball at the inside post. The Kerecan 'keeper got down and pushed it wide.

Then in minute 29, the Wings grabbed the lead off the head of Shishio Jinguuji. Lyle Dylandy earned a free kick on the right side after a long run, and his attempt to cut the ball back caught the defender off guard. His reach for the ball found Dylandy's legs instead and brought him down twenty yards away but at an extreme angle. He got up to take the kick himself, lifting it over the three-man wall. It swung away from goal and Jinguuji got to it, poking it past the 'keeper to make it 1-0.

Dancougar pushed for the second goal, and Kereca were content to let them try. Dylandy tried to send one for Potts, but it floated over everyone and out of play. Defender Casey Berber drilled a kick into a Kereca defender which knocked him to the turf, resulting in a visit from the men with the magic water bottle. And just before halftime, Potts got another shot at goal which nearly found the top shelf, but was tipped over at the last minute. The whistle was a relief for the Kerecans, who could only claim 35% possession and four attempts at goal, but nevertheless were only down a goal. But now down three on aggregate and needing four due to Dancougar's commanding away-goals advantage, Kerecan morale could not be high.

The second half got off to a slow start, with Dancougar attacking lazily and not really threatening goal. But they were forced to pick up the pace when Kereca narrowly missed an equalizer twice, first in the 49th on a free kick and later in the 55th. Sho Yukikaze stumbled in pursuit of a Kereca forward and found himself two steps behind. But Watanabe came out of goal to force the forward's hand, and his shot at the far post ended up wide. "I cut the angle out," said Watanabe, "and got lucky that he pulled it too hard to compensate."

The playoff was put out of reach for good in the 63rd when Dylandy got the insurance goal. Leyton ran it through the midfield and sent a long through-ball for Potts, which he left for Dylandy. Dylandy stepped up and fired a shot to the top of the near post. The 'keeper got a hand to it, but could only redirect it off the woodwork and in to make it 2-0. "I put a little extra on that one," said Dylandy. "Otherwise it's a save." Five minutes later, Jinguuji started to rub it in with his second goal of the match. A failed offside trap left Jinguuji all alone inside the box with the Kerecan keeper, and he coolly slid it home to set off the party in the stadium.

Midfielder Kazuki Midorikawa made it a rout in the 79th with a redirection off a corner kick. The Black Wings now await the World Cup draw and will hope to bounce back from their performance at World Cup 41, where they won their first group game and were crushed in the next two to be eliminated.

Dancougar Stats - Goals Scored

8 - Dan Potts
7 - Shishio Jinguuji
5 - Lyle Dylandy
4 - Benjamin Whittaker
3 - Jericho Leyton
2 - Shiro Furuya, Kazuki Midorikawa
1 - Casey Berber, Akira Morimoto, Kevin Underwood

Jeruselem Government News

Jeru FC avoid Cup of Harmony!

Perennial Cup of Harmony participants Jeru FC finally avoided the CoH, the only proper way. Jeru FC took 2-0 advantage from the 1st leg at to travel with the Blouman Empire. Travelling along with them was the two Dallas princesses who were invited by the Blouman Empire's own royal family.

Starting from World Cup 36, Jeru FC have failed and failed again. The last three cups, very little separated Jeru FC from qualification but they fell over at the wrong time. Jeru FC made the play-offs once but got destroyed by the Han who are now a super-power of this cup.

The Blouman Empire aren't the Han and this time round, Jeru FC showed itself to the world to be contender. Blouman Empire tried hard at home to break Jeru FC and claw back the two goals. What broke them was the Jeru FC away goal and the army teams determination not to fail again.

The army team fought hard to defend their turf knowing if the Blouman Empire lead, it would put even more pressure on the dodgy Jeru FC defense. With cheerleaders like the two Princesses in the VIP stands, our army defended hard against a hard working local team. Jeru FC struck the early goal with the Jeru FC captain leading by example but this only inspired the locals who rallied with goal of their own.

The rest of the game was big arm wrestle with our army team throwing everything into the fight to keep the dream alive. Knowing the two Princesses were watching, failure was not an option for Jeru FC. The Eagles tried hard to break down our team but for once they held firm. The team which beat Vephrall 3-1 was playing and they showed Jeru FC was not the wimpy team of old.

Princess Marie-Antoinette Dallas said
"It's been lovely here! Made lots of new friends and it's sad to see the Blouman Empire team out but only one team can make it. Jeru FC have waited so long. Today was sad day for locals here but they took it well knowing one day - like Jeru FC they will be standing with the 32 best teams in the World one day."

QBC WORLD CUP 42 COVERAGE

"Hello all, I'm Beck Davidham, and we have the 32 teams that qualified for the World Cup So let's teke a quick look at them and how they qualified (first times in ITALICS):

Jeruselem: Won Group 1
The Archregimancy: 2nd Group 1
Tynelia: Won Group 2
The Holy Empire: 2nd Group 2
Wentland: Won Group 3
Yafor 2: 2nd Group 3
QAZOX: Won Group 4
Kelssek: 2nd Group 4
Rennidan: Defeated Az-cz in Playoff (3-1 aggregate)
Kura-Pelland: Won Group 5
Daehanjeiguk: 2nd Group 5
Ad'ihan: Defeated Kose and The Turkomans in Playoff (4-3 aggregate)
Sorthern Northland: Won Group 6
Jasīʼyūn: 2nd Group 6
Bettia: Won Group 7
Zwangzug: 2nd Group 7
Candelaria And Marquez: Best 3rd place finisher
Valanora: Won Group 8
Demot: 2nd Group 8
Bazalonia: won Group 9
Bostopia: 2nd Group 9
Prux: Defeated Magna Sancta Sedes in Playoff (3-1 aggregate)
Capitalizt SLANI: Won group 10
Yafalonia and Bazor 2: 3rd group 10 (advanced due to Krytenia's withdrawal)
Milchama: Won Group 11
Lovisa: 2nd Group 11
Dancougar: Defeated Kereca in Playoff (8-2 aggregate)
Starblaydia: Won Group 12
Vephrall: 2nd Group 12
Jeru FC: Defeated Blouman Empire in Playoff (3-1 Aggregate)
Cafundéu: Co-Hosts
Septentrionia: Co-Hosts

The Group draw is in a week and it will be carried live on QBC at 6:00am QST. Until then, have a good night and we'll see you in either Cafundéu or Septentrionia.

World Cup 42 - The Groups

Info only about Cafundéu's stadiums - part 1 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14001557&postcount=461)
Info only about Cafundéu's stadiums - part 2 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14001594&postcount=463)
Info only about Septentrionia's stadiums (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14001320&postcount=459)

Group A
Cafundéu (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13951454&postcount=51) (18)
Kelssek (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13908089&postcount=14) (33)
The Holy Empire (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13937969&postcount=38) (25)
Ad'ihan (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13942493&postcount=44) (13)

MD1:
Cafundéu x Ad'ihan - Obelisco Monumental, Lasft
The Holy Empire x Kelssek - Arena América, Abadia

MD2:
Kelssek x Ad'ihan - Olímpico Imperial, Lux
The Holy Empire x Cafundéu - Arena América, Abadia

MD3:
Cafundéu x Kelssek - Obelisco Monumental, Lasft
Ad'ihan x The Holy Empire - Cúpula Tropical, Ilha Eremita

Group B
Wentland (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13951267&postcount=50) (8)
Sorthern Northland (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13938203&postcount=39) (32)
Bazalonia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13918944&postcount=20) (5)
Daehanjeiguk (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13907466&postcount=4) (28)

MD1:
Wentland x Daehanjeiguk - Gigantão, Santo Galvão
Bazalonia x Sorthern Northland - Maracatuzão, Dunboor

MD2:
Sorthern Northland x Daehanjeiguk - Estádio Nacional dos Cocos, Porto Lacruz
Bazalonia x Wentland - Arena Multiuso Dra. Veiga, Astari

MD3:
Wentland x Sorthern Northland - Arena Multiuso Dra. Veiga, Astari
Daehanjeiguk x Bazalonia - Maracatuzão, Dunboor

Group C
Milchama (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13936264&postcount=33) (3)
Yafalonia and Bazor 2 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13939203&postcount=41) (35)
Dancougar (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13935712&postcount=29) (24)
Bostopia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13911383&postcount=17) (14)

MD1:
Milchama x Bostopia - Estádio Erasmo Carlos Jowenguard, Espinal
Dancougar x Yafalonia and Bazor 2 - Estádio Rei Albieri Van Tocco, Cafundó do Juta

MD2:
Yafalonia and Bazor 2 x Bostopia - Estádio Erasmo Carlos Jowenguard, Espinal
Dancougar x Milchama - Cúpula Tropical, Ilha Eremita

MD3:
Milchama x Yafalonia and Bazor 2 - Estádio Rei Albieri Van Tocco, Cafundó do Juta
Bostopia x Dancougar - Estádio Nacional dos Cocos, Porto Lacruz

Group D
Jeru FC (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13908064&postcount=12) (34)
Jasīʼyūn (29)
Valanora (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13907387&postcount=3) (1)
Qazox (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13907649&postcount=7) (7)

MD1:
Jeru FC x Qazox - Olímpico Imperial, Lux
Valanora x Jasīʼyūn - Presídio, Carandirú City

MD2:
Jasīʼyūn x Qazox - Toca do Tatu, Central City
Valanora x Jeru FC - Gigantão, Santo Galvão

MD3:
Jeru FC x Jasīʼyūn - Presídio, Carandirú City
Qazox x Valanora - Toca do Tatu, Central City

Group E
Septentrionia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13998521&postcount=53) (41)
Yafor 2 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13908478&postcount=15) (11)
Prux (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13907725&postcount=9) (43)
Vephrall (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13907732&postcount=10) (21)

MD1:
Septentrionia x Vephrall - Stade 1093, Ourseville
Prux x Yafor 2 - Stade du Dauphin, Dauphin

MD2:
Yafor 2 x Vephrall - Stade du Dauphin, Dauphin
Prux x Septentrionia - Stade 1093, Ourseville

MD3:
Septentrionia x Yafor 2 - Stade du Rivage, Ourseville
Vephrall x Prux - Stade 1093, Ourseville

Group F
Jeruselem (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13908050&postcount=11) (17)
Zwangzug (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13937873&postcount=37) (6)
Tynelia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13945512&postcount=48) (10)
Rennidan (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13908076&postcount=13) (39)

MD1:
Jeruselem x Rennidan - Stade du Rivage, Ourseville
Tynelia x Zwangzug - Stade 1093, Ourseville

MD2:
Zwangzug x Rennidan - Stade du Rivage, Ourseville
Tynelia x Jeruselem - Stade du Dauphin, Dauphin

MD3:
Jeruselem x Zwangzug - Stade du Dauphin, Dauphin
Rennidan x Tynelia - Stade du Rivage, Ourseville

Group G
Candelaria And Marquez (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13935333&postcount=27) (31)
Demot (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13935899&postcount=31) (16)
Bettia (19)
Capitalizt SLANI (2)

MD1:
Candelaria And Marquez x Capitalizt SLANI - Dôme de Verre, Septentrionalis
Bettia x Demot - Arène des Vals, Val-Profond

MD2:
Demot x Capitalizt SLANI - Arène des Vals, Val-Profond
Bettia x Candelaria And Marquez - Dôme de Verre, Septentrionalis

MD3:
Candelaria And Marquez x Demot - Complexe SR Banque Économique, Septentrionalis
Capitalizt SLANI x Bettia - Dôme de Verre, Septentrionalis

Group H
Kura-Pelland (9)
Lovisa (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14001049&postcount=54) (37)
Starblaydia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13965695&postcount=52) (4)
The Archregimancy (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13937772&postcount=35) (23)

MD1:
Kura-Pelland x The Archregimancy - Complexe SR Banque Économique, Septentrionalis
Starblaydia x Lovisa - Dôme de Verre, Septentrionalis

MD2:
Lovisa x The Archregimancy - Complexe SR Banque Économique, Septentrionalis
Starblaydia x Kura-Pelland - Arène des Vals, Val-Profond

MD3:
Kura-Pelland x Lovisa - Arène des Vals, Val-Profond
The Archregimancy x Starblaydia - Complexe SR Banque Économique, Septentrionalis

Oitavas-de-final games (Round of 16):

O1: 1st of Group A x 2nd of Group B - Estádio Rei Albieri Van Tocco, Cafundó do Juta
O2: 1st of Group C x 2nd of Group D - Arena Multiuso Dra. Veiga, Astari
O3: 1st of Group B x 2nd of Group A - Presídio, Carandirú City
O4: 1st of Group D x 2nd of Group C - Obelisco Monumental, Lasft
O5: 1st of Group E x 2nd of Group F - Stade du Dauphin, Dauphin
O6: 1st of Group G x 2nd of Group H - Dôme de Verre, Septentrionalis
O7: 1st of Group F x 2nd of Group E - Stade du Rivage, Ourseville
O8: 1st of Group H x 2nd of Group G - Arène des Vals, Val-Profond

Quarterfinals:

Q1: O1 winner x O2 winner - Arena América, Abadia
Q2: O3 winner x O4 winner - Maracatuzão, Dunboor
Q3: O5 winner x O6 winner - Complexe SR Banque Économique, Septentrionalis
Q4: O7 winner x O8 winner - Stade 1093, Ourseville

Semifinals:

S1: Q1 winner x Q2 winner - Estádio Rei Albieri Van Tocco, Cafundó do Juta
S2: Q3 winner x Q4 winner - Stade 1093, Ourseville

Third Place Game:

S1 loser x S2 loser - Complexe SR Banque Économique, Septentrionalis

FINAL:

S1 winner x S2 winner - Obelisco Monumental, Lasft


Info about the stadiums and the host countries can, of course, be found in the bid thread, in this link (more can be offered later). (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=560108&highlight=hosting)

Training centres available for teams playing in Cafundéu:

The 15 teams playing in the World Cup finals in Cafundéu were offered 16 training centres to use during their stay in our country. Surprisingly, the use of these centres will be previously paid by companies from Cafundéu, so the teams wouldn't need to spend anything (in the traning centres - believe me, you'll have to pay for many other things). Each team can only use one centre, and one centre can only be used by one team, which is, of course, the first one that expresses interest in the determined traning centre. The places available are:

Cafundéu won't use any of them, as the team trains in the Chácara Acesso, located in the small city of Jaçanã.

for Group A teams:

CT Conta Corrente
City: Lasft
Quality: *****
Owner: Petardos S/A

Campo do Clube dos Aposentados de Cafundéu (CAC)
City: Abadia
Quality: *****
Owner: private (used by A.F.F. sometimes)

Grande Complexo de Futebol Banco Econômico
City: Guará
Quality: ****
Owner: private

Escola São José
City: São José
Quality: ***
Owner: São José

for Group B teams:

Complexo Esportivo Fuad Feres Arid
City: Dunboor
Quality: *****
Owner: Dunboor FC

Academia Estelar
City: Haja Coração
Quality: *****
Owner: Galáxia

Clube C-Electronics
City: Astari
Quality: ***
Owner: private

Bolsão do Futebol Podium
City: Al-Zalabahad
Quality: *****
Owner: Petrol

for Group C teams:

Centro de Treinamento Franz Braddock
City:Cafundó do Juta
Quality:*****
Owner:Cafundó do Juta

Reduto do Manguezal
City: Submiria
Quality: ***
Owner: CR Submiria

CT da Jóia da Lagoa
City: Tijhus
Quality: ****
Owner: Khalmar-Tijhus

Fazendinha
City: Mondragon
Quality: ***
Owner: public (city goverment controls it)

for Group D teams:

A Jaula
City: Carandirú City
Quality: ****
Owner: Ranca Toco and prison owners (50% each)

Centro Recreativo do Gueto
City: Espinal
Quality: ****
Owner: public (controlled by the state government)

Setor de Treinamento Minas
City: Central City
Quality: ****
Owner: Central United

Centro de Treinamento Forte da Vitória
City: Penderia
Quality: ****
Owner: Penders

Jeruselem Government News

Dazza's finals group stage review

Group A
Cafundéu (18) - Co-Hosts
Kelssek (33) - 2nd Group 4
The Holy Empire (25) - 2nd Group 2
Ad'ihan (13) - Defeated Kose and The Turkomans in Playoff (4-3 aggregate)

There's no big seeds in here! Making it tough to work out. Top seed is Ad'ihan who needed a play-off just to get this stage. Dazza is going say The Holy Empire and Cafundéu are winners here. Not because I don't like Ad'ihan but I think the teams I picked have better form and played better in the qualifers.

Hosts Cafundéu will top the group with The Holy Empire a close 2nd holding off Ah'ihan in 3rd. Kelssek will be competitive but unlucky.

Group B
Wentland (8) - Won Group 3
Sorthern Northland (32) - Won Group 6
Bazalonia (5) - Won Group 9
Daehanjeiguk (28) - 2nd Group 5

Sorthern Northland made it but with the Han around, they might be out of luck now. This group looks easy with Bazalonia and Wentland being the big seeds but maybe the Han can sneak a 2nd.

I still think the top seeds will progress despite the best efforts of the Han and them SNers. My daughter Marie said if SN makes the 2nd round, she'll appear nude on TV wearing nothing but a garland made from Pistachio nuts. They might make 3rd ... you never know about these things.

Group C
Milchama (3) - Won Group 11
Yafalonia and Bazor 2 (35) - 3rd group 10 (advanced due to Krytenia's withdrawal)
Dancougar (24) Defeated Kereca in Playoff (8-2 aggregate)
Bostopia (14) - 2nd Group 9

Maggie should help Milchama here ... but Bostopia and Dancougar will be ones fighting over the other spot. The confused Yaf and Baz 2 team might be out of luck.

I'm going with the Maggie team and Dancougar who have been really good for their ranking. By rights Bostopia should make but the Cougar is my dark horsey.

Group D
Jeru FC (34) - Defeated Blouman Empire in Playoff (3-1 Aggregate)
Jasīʼyūn (29) - 2nd Group 6
Valanora (1) - Won Group 8
Qazox (7) - Won Group 4

Jeru FC need Maggie's help! Jasīʼyūn outrank Jeru FC but I think Jeru FC might get 3rd. Qazox are not the old Qazox and I fully expect them to follow the top seeds here.

I cannot see the Elves or Qazox tripping over.

Group E
Septentrionia (41) - Co-Hosts
Yafor 2 (11) - 2nd Group 3
Prux (43) - Defeated Magna Sancta Sedes in Playoff (3-1 aggregate)
Vephrall (21) - 2nd Group 12

The hosts Septentrionia are here. Yafor 2 are top seed with them Zombie Pruxians being lowest ranked. Vephrall should be next best team on ranking but Jeru FC beat 3-1 earlier.

I'm going for Yafor 2 and the hosts who will come 2nd in close contest because of home support. If it isn't the host, then Vephrall might stumble across the line instead.

Group F
Jeruselem (17) - Won Group 1
Zwangzug (6) - 2nd Group 7
Tynelia (10) - Won Group 2
Rennidan (39) - Defeated Az-cz in Playoff (3-1 aggregate)

This is our GROUP. F is for f**king h*ll. We have three top 20 seeds in this group. The tricky ZwangZug, and tireless Tynelia. The impressive Rennidan who along with Jeru FC qualified for the 1st time. No easy way to pick this group!

I'm going the Zug and Jeruselem holding off Tynelia. Our team cannot afford to lose one game in this group. We need two wins, one win and a draw is just no guarantee of anything.

Group G
Candelaria And Marquez (31) - Best 3rd place finisher
Demot (16) - 2nd Group 8
Bettia (19) - Won Group 7
Capitalizt SLANI (2) - Won group 10

The SLANI should cruise here. Picking from the C&M, Bettia and Demot is going be hard for any tippers! All are good teams but C&M might be tipped out on balance.

Going for the SLANI and the experienced Bettia. I cannot discount C&M though.

Group H
Kura-Pelland (9) - Won Group 5
Lovisa (37) - 2nd Group 11
Starblaydia (4) - Won Group 12
The Archregimancy (23) - 2nd Group 1

Poor Monks. Lovisa made but looking at the competition, they need a bit of luck. We have the Purple Menace and KP, both top ten here.

I cannot tip anything else except the top seeds.

...

OK! Let's review Jeruselem's path to glory or suffering ...

Jeruselem x Rennidan - Stade du Rivage, Ourseville
Tynelia x Jeruselem - Stade du Dauphin, Dauphin
Jeruselem x Zwangzug - Stade du Dauphin, Dauphin

First up - a must-win game against Rennidan! We need to win this game. A draw is useless, a loss is catastrophic. WIN is only thing here. It's also our best chance for a win.

Gets hard with the game against Tynelia next. This game is more critical. A loss here is unthinkable as it means curtains for us really, but a draw is most likely. A win is ideal paired with a win over Rennidan.

We play the Zug last! The Zug should win but if we beat Rennidan and draw with Tynelia, then a draw would be just fine. We'd like a win which is what Jeruselem play for but 5 points would suit us as long as the Zug do their bit and top the group. The Zug beat us last time but Sel Appa didn't make so we can beat Zug still. Basically, two wins is the aim while 3 is ideal. At worst 1 win and 1 draw, with anything else a waste of effort.

Jeru FC? Err ... pray to whoever for them! They need any sort of blessing with the Elves and Qazox looking hard to beat.

QBC WORLD CUP 42 COVERAGE

"Hello all, I'm Beck Davidham, and the Group draw, which you just saw Live, is complete, so let's recap the Groups and give you our thoughts on each group:

GROUP A
Cafundéu (18)
Kelssek (33)
The Holy Empire (25)
Ad'ihan (13)

A tough group as all 4 teams have a chance to advance out of it, but not the toughest one. Cafundeu at home should advance and don't count out The Holy Empire either.

Group B
Wentland (8)
Sorthern Northland (32)
Bazalonia (5)
Daehanjeiguk (28)

THIS Is the toughest group. Other than Sorthern Northland, the other 3 are consistantly among the top teams in the world. Bazalonia and Wentalnd seem like locks for advancement, but the Han have suprised before and could do so again.

Group C
Milchama (3)
Yafalonia and Bazor 2 (35)
Dancougar (24)
Bostopia (14)

On first glance, this group seems to be a tough one, but looks are deceiving. Milchama is clearly the best team of the 4 and amongst the other three, Dancougar seems the best bet to advance.

Group D
Jeru FC (34)
Jasīʼyūn (29)
Valanora (1)
Qazox (7)

Yes, that is not a misprint, Qazox is currently ranked 7th in the world. And drew a dangerous group. Valanora is always among the favorites to win the Cup every time, while Jasīʼyūn is no slouch either. As for Jeru FC, they finally made it, but they are in the wrong group if they expect to advance. We see Valanora and Qazox, the latter just barely over Jasīʼyūn, to advance.

Group E
Septentrionia (41)
Yafor 2 (11)
Prux (43)
Vephrall (21)

The Weakest of the 8 groups as Yafor 2 and Vephrall are better teams than Septentrionia and Prux. The Zombie somehow made it here, but drawing a co-host, and 2 good teams, they'll be shuffling home soon enough.

Group F
Jeruselem (17)
Zwangzug (6)
Tynelia (10)
Rennidan (39)

Another tough group. Tynelia, Jeruselem and Zwangzug sound like 3/4ths of a final four, right? Rennidan, whom we here at QBC have been very impressed with in the 2 matches we had, will join fellow newcomers Jeru FC and Prux going home. As for the advancers? Flip a 3-sided coin twice, and take those teams.

Group G
Candelaria And Marquez (31)
Demot (16)
Bettia (19)
Capitalizt SLANI (2)

SLANI should advance easily, while the true fight will be for 2nd, with Bettia edging out Candelaria And Marquez and Demot, as those 3 matches will be the best of the group stage.

Kura-Pelland (9)
Lovisa (37)
Starblaydia (4)
The Archregimancy (23)


The defending champs and the Kura-Pelland team should advance, but The Archregimancy could stun one of them and steal a spot. Lovisa will not be competitive.

Qazox' Group schedule:
MD1: Jeru FC x Qazox - Olímpico Imperial, Lux
MD2: Jasīʼyūn x Qazox - Toca do Tatu, Central City
MD3: Qazox x Valanora - Toca do Tatu, Central City

Dancougar News!!
Nothing is manlier than sewing a costume while watching Monday Night Football.

It's time for our venerable World Cup preview, and we at Dancougar News!! will be proud to be your source for information throughout the tournament. The Black Wings will take part in their third straight final tournament but have looked far from recapturing the form that took them into the last eight of World Cup 40. The playoff against Kereca saw the offense get a much-needed breakout, but can they continue that run in Cafundeu?

Cafundeu is the home of several Black Wing players, notably starters Yuuji Watanabe, Brandon Barclay, and Shishio Junguuji, as well as backup forwards Hideo Ikeda and Shiro Furuya. They'll no doubt want to use that connection to try and scrounge up some extra support, although only the goalkeeper Watanabe can claim any real fame in the Cafundeu league. Barclay has become a journeyman defender, and Ikeda has been average for the traditionally youthful club America, but Watanabe... he's the man at Clube Imperial. But none of that should matter for the Wings. They're all glad to be in Cafundeu, known worldwide as country with emphatic support for the beautiful game.

We may have a good omen in the group stage. If we go back to World Cup 40, the Wings faced Cafundeu in the group stage, a team they'd already battled twice during qualifying. All three games were high-scoring affairs, and the Wings ultimately prevailed when it mattered. They also face a qualification-stage foe this time - world #3 Milchama, who are actually the ones seeking revenge. The Wings drew the Warriors 1-1 in Yuki City and then picked up an upset win on the road, 2-1. Milchama will no doubt want to repay the Wings for handing them their first qualifying-round loss in quite awhile.

Now that it's tournament time, we expect the Milchamans to get serious. Goalkeeper Florence Mendelbaum may be a the weak link in the chain, though. It's hard to say that Milchama, 10-1-1 and +25, slipped up in group play. But faced with enormous pressure to match the banana's productivity in goal, Mendelbaum has proven beatable, having ceded 15 goals whereas the banana only yielded four. But with their first real lineup in some time, the Warriors sport numerous weapons, with forward Kenji Miller being the one man who was most troublesome in the earlier matches against the Wings. With fellow Jewish nations Jeruselem and Jeru FC also in the tournament, they do have that intangible inspiration, as well.

Next on the list is Bostopia, who finished second in in Group 9 with the same record as Milchama. But they bring to the table one of the most stifling defenses in the tournament despite being, like Milchama, a team that likes to fly forward and attack often. One odd piece of information about the Bostopians is that their entire team is 24 years old. We suspect foul play, although until we find the secret government websites, we can only assume these government-provided passports are accurate. This is going to be a rough match, as the Bostopians, always ready for a good war, will no doubt seek to pound the Wings into submission early.

These two were groupmates in World Cup 40. They defeated Dancougar in the opening game of group play, 2-1. That goal was scored by midfielder Boris Boskov, who was omitted from this team. Bostopia also came very close to defeating then-first-ranked Capitalizt SLANI on the final day of group play, but their 5-4 loss helped Dancougar qualify with their 4-3 upset of Cafundeu, which we have managed to mention, like, eighty times throughout the course of this campaign. Ah, the perils of a short footballing history.

Finally, we have Yafalonia and Bazor 2, who failed to fail by qualifying from Group 10. They finished third on six wins and a brace of draws, but Krytenia's sudden withdrawal gifted them an automatic spot. The team is always unpredictable and cannot be taken lightly by anyone in the group. The team is split between players and staff from the constituent nations which are, not surprisingly, called Yafalonia and Bazor 2; curiously, nobody comes from And. We challenge someone with a linguistics degree to parse that sentence as we mean it to be. The Wings will see several familiar faces on this team, and although we're running out of time to see Rachel Kneal finally give in to exhibitionism, the Wings will want to take the full three points and ensure she's not given a reason to celebrate.

The two teams met in the semifinals of Baptism of Fire 26, and the Black Wings won that game 3-1 en route to the title. Hideo Ikeda and Jeffrey Cale, backup forwards on this Black Wing team, were goalscorers in that one. Now they'll watch from the bench, but the man they beat - the armless Graham Noh'arms - will still wobble his stubbly self around the box to deny opponents a spot on the scoresheet. While other nations from that tournament, such as Bonto and Naboombu Umbongo, have since vanished, FAIL have hosted a Baptism of Fire and have been waiting for a chance like this to show the world just how hard they can fa... err, win.

And now... we predict things.

MD1:
Milchama (2 x 2) Bostopia
Dancougar (2 x 0) Yafalonia and Bazor 2

MD2:
Yafalonia and Bazor 2 (1 x 3) Bostopia
Dancougar (2 x 4) Milchama

MD3:
Milchama (2 x 0) Yafalonia and Bazor 2
Bostopia (3 x 2) Dancougar

GROUP C W D L GF GA GD PT
Milchama 2 1 0 7 3 +4 7
Bostopia 2 1 0 8 6 +2 7
Dancougar 1 0 2 6 7 -1 3
Yafalonia and Bazor 2 0 0 3 1 7 -6 0

Hamburger Hill Herald

We hope Septentrionia has many unused brains, because the ZOMBIES ARE COMING! <waits for the populace to run away>. Now that that's out of the way, Prux will make its World Cup debut, along with Rennidan (no zombies) and Jeru FC (an army team, as close to zombies as you can get, with less body decay, but more body odor). The group Prux was drawn into is not an easy one, depsite what a certain announcer from Qazox, who will amongst the first against the wall when revoltuion comes, said.

First off is Yafor 2, AKA The Golden Wolves. Although they are in the World Cup, either they don't care about it or the media from that country is severely lacking, so we should walk over these lackadasical people easily.

In our second match we face Septentrionia, who are ranked about the same as the Zombies, which is not saying much. According to some sources, they only reason they are in the World Cup is that they are hosting them! How cheap can you get? They weren't listed in any qualifying matches, and thus we suspect that they shouldn't even be allowed to compete here. So with a second straight easy win, one against a team that don't care and the other win against a team that shouldn't even be here, we come to the final match of the Group stage.

The final match of the group stage is against Vephrall, home to the Vephroll, and for that viral video alone they should be banned from even leaving their nation. So we'll go 3-0-0 and eagerly await our Round of 16 opponent.

Schedule:
vs. Arroza WIN 3-0 (1-0-0 record)
@ Land de Wood WIN 3-0 (2-0-0 record)
vs. Greal WIN 2-0 (3-0-0 record)
@ Bazalonia Lose 1-3 (3-0-1 record)
vs. Nuevos Aires W 5-0 (4-0-1 record)
@ Bostopia Lose 0-5 (4-0-2 record)
BYE
@ Arroza DRAW 2-2 (4-1-2 record)
vs. Land de Wood DRAW 2-2 (4-2-2 record)
@ Greal WIN 2-0 (5-2-2 record)
vs. Bazalonia Lose 1-3 (5-2-3 record)
@ Nuevos Aires WIN 3-1 (6-2-3 record) clinched playoff berth.
vs. Bostopia Lose 0-4 (6-2-4 record) In Playoffs
BYE
Playoff:
G1: vs. Magna Sancta Sedes WIN 3-0 (lead 1-0, 3-0 Aggregate)
G2: @ Magna Sancta Sedes Lost 0-1 (won Series on Aggregate 3-1, Advanced to World Cup 42)
WORLD CUP 42:
MD1: Yafor 2
MD2: Septentrionia
MD3: Vephrall


Prux' Goals:
Zombie Pelé: 6
Zombie Zinedine Zidane (aka Triple Z): 4
Zombie Just Fontaine: 3
Dr. Mkembe: 3
Zombie Ronaldo: 3
Zombie Lothar Matthäus: 3
Zombie Diego Maradona: 2

Purple Über Alles
Starblaydia Stay in AO

The World Cup bandwagon rolls ever onwards and the defending champions find themselves making the short hop north-east (http://www.thirdgeek.com/maps/ao/) to Septentrionia: STB to SPT. Players and fans alike will be sure to pack their warm clothes for the occasions, but we're sure some fools from Hallad City will rip their shirts off and mutter how it's a lovely day anyways and why shouldn't they get their beer bellies out at a football match?

This will likely offend at least one section of opposition fans that Starblaydia play in Septentrionia. Most likely it will be the fans of The Archregimancy (23), who will likely offer up a prayer for their benevolent forgiveness - or rather eternal damnation, depending on the size of the man-boobs and number of pies eaten - at the hands of their Cloud God*. Yes, folks, the barbarians play the God Squad in the final match of Group H when one would hope that the World Champions will have qualified already. The 'Desert Fathers', as the Archregimancy team are known, performed fairly well in Qualifying Group One with just a single defeat on Matchday One to blot their record, finishing overall just a point behind Jeruselem.

Before that, the most crucial and juiciest tie of the group, will be Starblaydia versus Kura-Pelland (9) at the Arène des Vals, Starblaydia's only match outside of Septentrionalis. Both of these sides surprisingly made it to the Semi-Finals of World Cup 41, four years ago, but their fortunes differed wildly. Whereas Starblaydia scraped through a seven goal thriller in Extra Time against Valanora to avenge their record-breaking hammering of four years before in the Quarters, Kura-Pelland were consummately thrashed 6-2 by SLANI and went on to lose 2-1 to Valanora in the Third-Placed match. We all know what happened to Starblaydia in the Final. Kura-Pelland topped Qualifying Group Five with 29 points, pipping Daehanjeiguk by a point, ahead of Ad'ihan and Jey.

Starblaydia's opening match in Septentrionia will be against Lovisa (37).

Win.





* Note: Given that the Christian (Orthodox or otherwise) God is most often depicted as a fellow with a white beard sitting on a cloud, Starblaydi will either: a) Simply relate this to their own beliefs and assume he is God of the Clouds/Sky or b) use this term in a more knowing fashion, mocking the 'one true God' beliefs that most religions espouse. I haven't figured out which one this is yet.

"Two goal road win," said C simply. "Four away goals. It's going to be nearly impossible for Kereca to come back, Stephen... I think the Wings are in after all."

Stephen sat at his computer with a sour look on his face. He had hoped the Wings would get a difficult draw, like Az-cz or Ad'ihan. Instead they were handed Kereca, which had played well in its group but were a step behind throughout the entire first leg. Now they were coming to Dancougar to try and make up the defecit. They'd need a three-goal win to do it. He leaned back and tried to play it calm. "Some things can't be controlled, I guess," he said. "But they won't escape the first round no matter how many goals they score now. The second stage will still clear."

"You're not going to try and do anything about it?" asked C sweetly. She had been standing over him with her hands behind her back, and she revealed them. She was clutching a handful of tickets. "We can be in Eastport tomorrow morning, and these seats are pretty high up, so no one should see you use it."

"C, this is..." Stephen stammered. Was this a dream? He reached out and took the tickets she handed him. They looked real. He held them up to the light. Watermarked and everything. There was hope yet. He could play his hand directly, and nothing could stop him.

********************

The Kereca game was blaring in the background, but Professor von Steuben wasn't paying attention. He was flipping through Peter's notebook looking at everything that was written. Lots of Dancougar games appeared, but there were others thrown in seemingly at random. "Vy did you keep zees from oos?" asked von Steuben. "Vis ze cross referensink, zees vould be goot effeedence."

"Yeah, sorry, I was just jotting things down that I found, you know?" Peter lied. "I didn't think it would be that useful since we couldn't really prove any of it."

"Boot now ve heff zees as ze startink point!" exclaimed von Steuben. The game continued to play. At one point, Dancougar forward Shishio Jinguuji had a chance to turn his defender, except his tripped over himself and gave the ball a way. It was an incredibly clumsy move that didn't look like him at all, especially when bearing down on goal. "Zere, look!" cried von Steuben. "He ees at eet!"

He grabbed a pen and started writing in the notebook, 'Shishio Jinguuji, tripped over himself with ball.' Inside, Peter was shouting not to write anything down. He would leap across the table and grab it, run away, and evade them forever. But no. He just sat there toothlessly. Forty seconds passed. Von Steuben watched with a confused look at Jinguuji fell over again. "Eencredible, ze usser von't qvit!" he said, writing it down again. Forty seconds later, it happened again.

This time, von Steuben didn't say anything. Russ wasn't sure what was happening. "Something wrong, professor?" he asked.

Von Steuben wrote down, 'Casey Berber, heads a cross over his bar instead of into touch.' The next Kereca cross that flew into the box was well-defended, but rather than make the simple play to the sidelines, Berber inexplicably played it out for a corner. He placed the notebook on the table. "Russ, could you geev oos a moment?"

"S-sure," Russ answered, rising from his seat. He walked out of the room.

When the door closed, von Steuben slid the notebook over the Peter. He leaned forward with his arms folded in front of him. "Ven deet you find zees power?" he asked, simply.

Peter looked down and inwardly admitted defeat. "Before the last tournament," he said. "I've been..."

"Counterecting ze usser von!" interrupted von Steuben. Peter looked up, his face twisted with confusion. "I note zat ve heff seen many kesses vere ze Dancougar team vas mekking ze mistekk," he said, "vile you heff made zem do vell. I see zat you heff been trying to counter heem to kip sings eqval. Boot you hed to kip eet secret."

Peter couldn't believe it. The professor thought he was a good guy. There was no need to hide it, then, but somehow he felt bad letting the professor believe such a lie. Or maybe the professor was trying to cover for him? Either way, anything that kept him innocent was good for now. "What can I say, you're too smart for me, professor," he said, sitting back. "I'm surprised I was able to keep it from you for so long."

"I vill go vork out a plan vis Russ to find zees usser ooser," von Steuben said, rising. "I vill kip heem till efter zees gemm. Till zen, oos ze book und stop heem!"

Peter smiled. "Roger that!"

********************

Stephen smiled from his seat. His entire section had been thoroughly Geassed so no one would suspect him, but towards the end of the first half, the Wings started getting even. He had to be careful with his Geass since he could only use it once per player, but it seemed like every time he made someone screw up, a Kerecan made an equally catastrophic blunder just seconds later. What's going on? he thought to himself. Are they seriously trying to lose this game? Dancougar were already up 1-0, but were unable to grow the lead.

In the second half, though, things got bad for him on the hour. He watched with disgust as the Wings piled up goals. He attempted to get the Kerecan goalkeeper to read their movement better. "I command you!" he ordered, staring the 'keeper in the eye from afar, "dive earlier!" Leyton took a crack, but he still dove just as late as usual. He was saved by a deflection. "I don't understand!" Stephen said. "Why didn't he listen? It's well within his capabilities! My command should work!"

He tried to think it through. Something wasn't right. Kereca was playing strangely, almost on cue whenever he did something to affect the game. Everything he was doing was meant to hurt the Wings, and yet... Yes, he's out there, the other one with this power! And he's able to cancel me by issuing a conflicting order to the same player!

********************

"Why didn't it work?" Peter asked himself. "I wrote that he stands still, and yet he dives at the ball. This hasn't happened... unless..."

"Counterecting ze usser von!" interrupted von Steuben. Peter looked up, his face twisted with confusion. "I note zat ve heff seen many kesses vere ze Dancougar team vas mekking ze mistekk," he said, "vile you heff made zem do vell. I see zat you heff been trying to counter heem to kip sings eqval. Boot you hed to kip eet secret."

And then he realized... The other guy is issuing commands for the Wings to fail. I'm helping them. The goalkeeper's behavior didn't change when I issued my order, which can only mean he tried to order the goalkeeper, too! CONFLICTING COMMANDS CANCEL!

The game ended, 4-0 to Dancougar. They were in the World Cup. Peter had just slipped the notebook into his bag when von Steuben and Russ entered the room again. Von Steuben looked incredibly happy, as if all the pieces of the puzzle were coming together. "Peter, you vill not beliff eet!" he cried. "Russ, tell heem!"

"After the last game, when we tried to bug the duffel bag, I didn't stop at that," Russ explained. "I also put a tracker on his car."

"Russ, that's crazy! If he caught you..." Peter began.

"We're beyond the time for playing it safe; we have the building," Russ said. "And the professor showed earlier that the dude was at the Kereca game. So if we cross-reference the residents with the ticket sales..."

"Ze suspect appears," said von Steuben. "Nussing a leetle hecking can't deek oop." He handed a paper to Peter. Apparently when C ordered the tickets, she'd screwed up and used Stephen's credit card. That was the only match.

Misedos, Bektys
Bektys Technological Institute
Student Services Building, Newspaper Office

Cilleng walked into the room. The newspaper office looked much like it did on any other typical Wednesday morning - an absolute disaster area. Especially the back corner, with its table piled high with what looked like someone's textbooks. He walked over to the table and started to clean it off, when suddenly he noticed somebody was actually sitting behind the stack of books.

"Oh, there you are, Wesy! I've been looking for you all morning. What the hell are you doing?"

"Ich bin busy." Wesy waved Cilleng away as he tried to speak in some strange mixture of English and German. "Ich kann nicht jetzt dich helfen."

"Just because you're busy doesn't give you the right to call me a dick," Cilleng responded, laughing slightly. "Why are you even taking German, anyway?"

"Because I needed another class to stay a full-time student this semester. Anyway, this is better than that slani math I was doing earlier."

"Right. Well, you know, we do have a paper we've gotta get printed tomorrow, and what with the World Cup group draw having just been released and you being the lead sports reporter...well, I think you know where I'm going with this."

"Did we at least get drawn with Zwangzug or something? I could probably use the extra German practice."

"I don't think they even speak German there, Wesy. No, I've got the draw right here." Cilleng showed him a sheet of paper, on which was written:

Group E
Septentrionia (41)
Yafor 2 (11)
Prux (43)
Vephrall (21)

"Septentrionia and Prux, huh? Hell, they may as well skip the group stage altogether and just give us a bye into the next round. Sure would make my life easier, ja?"

Cilleng chuckled. "I bet it would. Anyway, I need your report on my desk by noon tomorrow. Can you do that for me?"

Wesy gave a nod. "Ja, du wirst es haben."

"Right, I'll take that as a yes. All right, I've gotta go find Stit. Why can I never find an opinion columnist when I need one?"

"Auf Wiedersehen und viel Glück!" Wesy sighed. Back to the German. And then the essay. And then probably more math, oh, and the group project due next week, and the two tests...not to mention that newspaper article. He was probably going to need at least fifty len for caffeinated beverages alone over the next few days.