NationStates Jolt Archive

SCOTTY: Welcome back to Sportscenter, and the festival of goals in Yuki City is over. The game just went final - Dancougar and the Free Krytenia Rebels, and we have the highlights. Hard to miss the MPs around the stadium, making sure the only passions inflamed are related to the game at hand. And Dancougar hits the gas right from the opening kickoff. Stockselius is dispossessed by Morimoto, and the through ball finds Ikeda... but he puts it just wide of goal! This only thirty seconds in. Fourth minute, Wings on the attack, and Leyton fires... deflected of Massa, and off of the post! The Rebs look shell-shocked, and in minute six, the Wings break through. Ikeda gets clear, slides it across to Jinguuji, and Googe fires home for the 1-0 lead. The Wings make it look easy.

KENNETH: And the Rebels hardly have time to catch their breath after that. Corner kick, minute eleven, Morimoto. Inswinger. Bernoldi punches it clear and Barclay gets a foot to it, but he sends it over the bar. Two minutes later, Leyton pushes it up for Jinguuji, but he's cut off. Googe turns around and slips it to Boskov at the top of the box, and he finds a hole in the defense! Boskov fires it in, Bernoldi just a moment too late, and it's 2-0. The Rebels try to pull themselves together, but few quality chances for them in this game. Here's one, minute twenty one. Veran gets a free run down the left and hits a high cross into the box. Weatherford and Kerensky go up for it, and it's Kerensky who wins that battle... but Watanabe wins the war, he holds on tight to the attempt on goal.

SCOTTY: Minute twenty nine, Jinguuji strikes again. This time off a free kick. Morimoto and Whittaker, but you know who's going to take this. It's Morimoto with a line drive around the wall, and Jinguuji with the redirection! It's 3-0, half an hour gone, and take another look at this one. Bernoldi looked like he was going to get this, but Jinguuji... aggressive in the box, he just gets the head to it and pokes it behind the charging 'keeper. The Rebels get a good look at goal in the thirty seventh. Nice give and go between Holmes and Sosa, but Sosa's shot on goal is parried wide. Minute forty, the Wings nail the coffin lid shut as Leyton starts a break. Looks for Boskov, who spies Ikeda slip behind the last Rebel defender. Onside. Goal. Ikeda slides it under Bernoldi, who was forced to come out of his box, and it's 4-0 at the break.

KENNETH: Forty five minutes left, and the Rebels don't give up. Stockselius cracks one on goal that Watanabe gobbles up, but check this one out. Minute fifty four, Holmes gets the ball in the corner, gets around Yukikaze, and fires in a low cross. Poor clearance by Weatherford, and Kerensky is gifted a chance... and he whiffs on it! Wasn't expecting the ball, so he can't settle it fast enough, and Boskov is able to come back and get a foot to it. Minute fifty eight, now, and the Wings continue to push for goals. Morimoto sends a cross in. Jinguuji's header is stopped, and Konov gets a clearance... it's weak, and Whittaker takes a crack from twenty two. And Whittaker makes it five! Bernoldi gets a hand on it, but only succeeds in pushing it into the top shelf. Lot of power on that one from Whittaker.

SCOTTY: Minute sixty five, Jinguuji looks for his hat trick, but Bernoldi denies him with a great save. Point blank on the header. Googe will have to be content with two, as DuPont gives some of the other guys a chance. So off he goes, and on comes his Central United teammate, Shiro Furuya. And Furuya makes an instant impact. The scoreline getting ridiculous now, as Leyton intercepts a pass from Gough intended for Veran, and it's an instant three on two break for the Wings. Leyton chips for Furuya, who's onside, and he blasts it home for goal number six.

KENNETH: And they weren't done yet! Lyle Dylandy, a substitute for Morimoto, gets on the scoresheet with this effort. He fires a cross into the box intended for Furuya, but it misses him and instead it curls in and over the surprised Bernoldi. But Dylandy will take that, his first goal of these qualifiers, and it's 7-0. And that's the way it would end, as the Rebels' last real chance on goal here, Veran's long shot, is stopped by Watanabe, who didn't flinch on any of his five saves in the game. It's a big time rout that doubles the Wing's offensive output for the tournament so far - six goals in their first three games. But afterwards, coach DuPont has to play it down.

DUPONT (press conference): No, I don't think I'd call it running up the score. One of the criticisms of our team is that we haven't been playing hard for ninety minutes, so we wanted to go out and do that. And we wanted to get a result for the home fans, too. We've been on the wrong end of some bad results before, so we know it's not a good feeling to get beat like that. But at this level of football, if you don't come prepared, this is what happens to you. It's an unfortunate result for the Rebels, but we want to play a hundred and ten percent, no matter what the opponent.

SCOTTY: Whatever you want to call it, this was an absolute thrashing. It's the highest offensive output ever for the Wings as well as their biggest margin of victory. The game it tops - a 6-1 win against the Fujisawan Territories in Baptism of Fire 26.

Goals were finally being scored, but what a mixed blessing they were. Mark Tupper crouched in a corner of the dressing room retching. A curious silence descended on the players.

Finally he looked up. "That's what I think of today's performance."

"Oooooh, DISS!!" his assistant thought, but didn't say.

---INTERMISSION FOR HAIKU---

Terrible match has
Just concluded and it is
Vomit inducing

-------------------------------

"No bloody good! Where were the people coming back to defend? You can't leave four of your own teammates out to dry! And where was the finishing? What have I been talking about? One good game and you think the job's all done. Well I'll tell you..." His cellphone rang. He flipped it open, finger hovering over the red button until he saw who was calling. "Excuse me."

"Yes, mum... right. I know... Wait, hang on a second, I never said you should bet on anything... Well if he's going to break your legs call the bloody police then, not me!... No, I can't, I've got to work and get ready for... Sorry. Yes, I won't raise my voice at you again. No, mum. Goodbye."

"Where was I? Oh hell with it. Let's get out of here."

To: Julius Rotherwell

I'm fine, been extremely busy as of late though. Since my trip, my eyes have been opened, I feel as if I am on the edge fo something spectacular, and that I merely have to reach out and grab it for it to happen. Have you ever had that feeling?

I'm sure you have, probably right before you got your first professional contract. I don't know if I ever got around to telling you this, but I really look up to you Julius. You've shown me and everyone around here that impossible dreams can come true. There is a sparkle and a flair in everyone's eyes that had long been missing, since the elves left us for their own shores. I find it quite invigorating and thus I have kept myself busy trying to make myself better. I've done everything from volunteer at the soup kitchen to be a librarian in the past four weeks. My thirst for knowledge and expierence is never satiatated. It's almost as if I am a youth again trying to orient myself with this brand new world.

I'm sorry I wasn't with mom and dad when they went and watched you in your match. I had a previous engagement with a professor at the university about a possible spot on his staff next semester. However I was able to watch the match when I got home thanks to the recorder, and was very estatic when you scored your goal. I hope your luck continues to be positive and that all your dreams continue to come true. You do our family very proud with your accomplishments in this game. Perhaps one day our name will be famous in Demot, but for now, I'll settle with a few mutterings of your praise here and there.

I hope to see you at the Lunar festival. It's said that Harthgate and his druid companions have something special in mind this year. I'll be participating as well, Danath asked me to be in her performance leading up to the festival's climax! Can you believe it? I always had wanted to be a dancer, but we could never afford it, and now here I am getting to be in one of the most honored dances our culture has.

See you soon brother, I'll be thinking of you.

~ Twinkle

Kiso Night looked around at his hotel room. He was begining to understand why a few of his countrymen and women were coming over these islands for their trade. The scenery and culture of the country were spectacular, though their attitudes towards non-human sentient life-forms had much to be improved upon. Yet that could be overlooked just for the passion and the excitement of the people. He was elven, pure blood to be exact, and would never know mortality the likes of which these people would, and that perhaps was the biggest differences between the peoples. Kiso would likely live to reach the magnificent age of 100,000 years of life, where his human counterparts were fortunate to reach a mere 70 years of life. Turning to his good friend and roommate, Laborious, he prodded his friend's ideas on why the two nations had such tension between them.

"Laborious, why would two eagles of the same species and family spill each other's blood? Why would two lions of the same pride refuse to share the meat of a hard earned kill? Why would the wolves of the same pack risk their survival for a fight between the alphas?"

"You forget young Kiso that each and every one of these are individuals. That is the problem with choice and will, they are allowed to refuse the norm or anything if they so desire. Blood is thicker than water, but the mind is the trickiest thing in the world, it betrays even itself when the oppurtunity arises. But you are too young to know of that which I speak."

"Nonsence Laborious! I have lived over forty years on this earth and I have witnessed and expierenced much. One does not simply live in three of the largest cities inside the ESF and not come through unscathed, without some of their innocence stolen!"

"Be that as it may Kiso, you and I can not make up the minds of these people who should be our brothers. Much like the drow refuse to be brothers to their own kin, these humans do not want our embrace. Do not let their decision to refuse our civilization and our blessings create any wavering in your beliefs. They have made a decision and they must live with it. It is the basic fundamental flaws and enjoyments of life, the luxury of having the ability to make a choice as to what you want. Be content in the knowledge that you were born privledged with excellent parents and friends and not into servitude, where your choices are made by others."

"Still, it does not seem right. Such a vibrant and lively culture, and still they refuse to even acknowledge the existance of our species or government. Our we that different, are we that evil to them?"

"Be still Tobias and think of your wife. She once came from a government that hated ours with a passion. Yet she found a way to break through that and ended up marring a being of which she once despised. If she can overcome those obstacles, then so can these people, even if it just a single person at a time."

Everrett Kang yawned, as he stumbled from his bed in the early morning on the day of the match away at Prux.

"The Robo-ducks..." it was a statement of fact, he wasn't awake yet and really wasn't up for anything more challenging than that.

Having showered in his hotel room, he got dressed, and looked through the options that he had for his breakfast....

Spam, Eggs, Bacon
Spam, Sausage, Egg
Spam, Spam, Spam and Spam.

"Oh, wait that's the lyrics for the Spam song... Oh, good, I'll just get the Scrambled eggs sausages and pancakes." he thought as he was just about to ring room service. Then there was a knock on the door, it was a hasty one.

"Alright, keep your hair on, I'm coming..." he spoke as he got up and opened the door, at the door there were two blokes, it was the Yunn's.

"Oh, very funny guys..." Ricky had a toupee in hand

"What?" Ricky had a large smile on his face.

"You know, anyway, I'm just about to get breakfast."

"Coach has got something special planed... a early morning warm-up and training, then a big breakfast somewhere."

"Alright I'll be done in a moment."

Everrett and the Yunn's where out the front of the hotel a bus their waiting for them to take them to their training grounds.

"This breakfast better be worth it." Everrett complained... and he wasn't let down.

The Indonesian States were coming to the Oh, Now I Remember stadium, which had just been found by an archeologist, it was re-named after Oh, Now I Remember Jones, famous anti-Nazi Doctor of Archeology.

"This is Great B1."

"Certainly is, B2."

B1 and B2 were Banana's in Pyjama's attending the match, having a break from chasing teddy bears on Cuddles Avenue. They were settling in for a good match when suddenly the ground started to shake and rumble.

"What is that noise B1?"

"I don't know B2. Perhaps it's an earthquake B2."

"But what are those piles of dirt that just appeared in the car park B1."

"I have a feeling we'll find out B2."

"I think we just did, look B1."

Out of the piles of dirt large elevators appeared, they had large drills on the top which allowed them to come up. and robed figures emerge

"Brothers, HERE COMES THE INQUISITION!" one of the robed figures yelled before shedding the robe to reveal a man with a big gun who started fire indiscriminately.

World Cup 41: Match Day Three

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/rennidan.png Rennidan : Wentland http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/wentland.png
2:1



Match Report:
Rennidan – Needless to say, everyone here was expecting one Rennidan's most difficult matches. In the first eighty minutes of the match, it certainly seemed that way. The atmosphere in the Eagle's Nest was tense and the players were obviously tired and angry at their imminent defeat...

The first goal of the match came from Wentland's Andy Saint who, from a simple cross from Tony Conway, placed the ball past the reaching fingers of Rennidan's Jo Malkoa to cause an eruption of celebration from the away boxes in the 12th minute.

Halftime came and went, and Rennidan were playing ferociously, doing their best to get the ball up into a position for them to strike a goal. Alas, the defence of Wentland kept on forcing them back, much to the pitiful cries of outrage from the Rennidanian fans.

Then, in the 80th minute, Sammi MacOlv tackled Robbie Schinn fifteen yards from the Rennidan goal. The midfielder then pulled a trick that no doubt children will be trying to imitate for years.

Charging forwards, MacOlv was about to encounter the tackling might of none other than Nicky Burns. It was here the home crowd realized that Rennidan wasn't going to make anything of this terrific chance.

They were wrong.

MacOlv flicked the ball up and over Burns, and whilst the centre back was looking in the air, MacOlv used his momentum to slide under the Wentland player's legs, leap up and reclaim control of the ball. He then weaved in and out of the Wentland defence, before striking a gorgeous shot at the Wentland goal. Merv Gilbert got his fingers to it, pushing it up just high enough to clip the crossbar and go flying back out into the box. Unfortunately, MacOlv was there again, where he finished with an electrifying header into the back of the Wentland net.

With the crowd going wild and the team's spirits back on track, Rennidan were ready to try and claim the match for themselves.

But not before Andy Saint took another crack at goal. This time though, Jo Malkoa was ready, and parried the shot with a risky boot of his own.

It paid off though, as the ball was flung the farthest we've seen Malkoa kick it, ending up a whopping 12 yards from the Wentland goal.

And right onto the left foot of Nicholi Drentum, who knocked the ball clean past the Wentland keeper to bring the score to 2-1 in the 86th minute.

The whistle blew without any further notable events, and Rennidan left a very, very happy team.


Scoring:
Wentland – Andy Saint (Tony Conway) - 12
Rennidan - Sami MacOlv - 81
Rennidan - Nicholi Drentum (Jo Malkoa) - 51


Booking:
Clean Match.

_________


Rennidan Goal Scorers:
3 - Michael Ronnan
2 - Nicholi Drentum
1 - Robert Golos
1 - Sammi MacOlv
1 - Mo Siv

Rennidan Assists Leaders:
2 - Sammi MacOlv
1 - Mo Siv
1 - Michael Ronnan
1 - Samual Fortal
1 - Jo Malkoa

_________

World Cup 41: Match Day Four

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/rennidan.png Rennidan : Tokyoni http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Tokyoni.png
0:0



Match Report:
Tokyoni – Dissapointment is one way to describe this match. Considering the team had just defeated the world's 21st best team in a close 2-1 victory, the fans back home in Rennidan were expecting "the Unknowns" to take the match and claim an extra three points.

Instead, Rennidan settled for one point and a player with a red card.

As the match neared the closing whistle, both sides were obviously drained by the prospect of a draw, yet neither wished to conceded and face a loss. The crowd was getting loud and restless about the goalless match, and it really kicked off when Micah Desono went for a clearance that went drastically wrong, ending up going clean towards the Rennidan goal.

Unsuspecting anything, Jo Malkoa wasn't ready to catch the would-be-own-goal. By the grace of the Gods, it clipped the crossbar and went flying over for a Tokyoni corner, which amounted to nothing.

However, the fuses were lit, and Desono blew when a Tokyoni striker called him a 'f%$!ing idiot'. Desono lashed out, clipping the striker with a powerful right hook, and left him on the floor.

The punch seemed to cause the crowd to go crazy, and suddenly the police were facing the prospect of a full scale riot. Bottles and the like began to rain down upon the pitch, narrowly missing the players who, thanks to the final whistle, began to dart back to their changing rooms without a final handshake at the end.

Needless to say, Desono was booked before the whistle went, meaning he will miss a few matches before the fiery defender can don his boots again.

Scoring:
None


Booking:
Micah Desono - Red - Violence
_________


Rennidan Goal Scorers:
3 - Michael Ronnan
2 - Nicholi Drentum
1 - Robert Golos
1 - Sammi MacOlv
1 - Mo Siv

Rennidan Assists Leaders:
2 - Sammi MacOlv
1 - Mo Siv
1 - Michael Ronnan
1 - Samual Fortal
1 - Jo Malkoa

Rennidan Bookings:
Micah Desono - 1 Red

_________

http://i280.photobucket.com/albums/kk176/rennidan/Logo-3.png

Rennidan: Matchday Five Preview.

RENNIDAN versus BAZALONIA


Weather: http://i280.photobucket.com/albums/kk176/rennidan/121212122.jpg

Expected Attendance: 75,000

Needless to say, this is a match we at the Rennidan Sports Network reeeeally haven't been looking forwards to.

Bazalonia is the top ranked team in Group One, and whilst Rennidan have faced worse odds (World Cup 40, UCS SLANI), considering their last match was a 0-0 draw against a team that's ranked a lot lower than them, well, we're not expecting much here.

Hopefully, at the best, we can draw. Well, actually, at the best we'd win 17-0 and everyone at the Rennidan Sports Network gets a paid trip around the world with the Rennidan Eagles Cheerleaders.

The most we can expect is a draw. 2-2 would be nice.

But the likely outcome?

Well...

LIKELY OUTCOME: RENNIDAN 1 - 4 Bazalonia

Place Your Vonkian Bets

The gambling industry is set to make a fortune on bets from Vonkians following the progress of the national team. The tasty odds of 10/1 currently being offered on Vonks winning Group 2 have enticed literally millions of Vonkian guineas from the pockets of hard-working citizens who seem to think it's genuinely possible that the unlikely heroes could not only qualify for the World Cup despite all probability, but could even unseat all-conquering Bettia at the top of the table.

"Of course, if the Squirrels do somehow win the group, we'll be ruined," said Simon Diamond, chief executive of Vonkian Bookmakers Ltd, fiddling nervously with his tie. "There's something in the air of great enthusiasm in the country that makes even me wonder if they can really do it. We've already slashed the odds of qualifying from 100/1 at the start down to 5/1 now, and if they keep on winning games like this, we might have to stop taking bets altogether."

With the fifth of ten group games, away at "upside-down-land" Jariss, approaching and Vonks riding high in second place, the team and the country know a win there would set the Squirrels up to coast to a qualifying spot. Especially if Bettia, unstoppable so far, defeat nearest rivals Kura-Pelland at home. That combination of results would give Vonks a five-point breathing space.

Other bets that might take your fancy:

Vonks (who haven't failed to win an away game since the BoF) to beat Jariss - evens
Draw - 3/1
Jariss win 3/2 [although any Vonkian betting on the national team to lose will in all probability be arrested for unpatriotic behaviour]

First goalscorer:

Gao 1/10
Okpik 2/1
Nigel 3/1
Borr 10/1
Singh 10/1
Anderson 50/1

There are also decent odds, 2/1, being offered on Pål Ingebritsen punching a referee in this game. The bookies feel that, with the Jariss media blackout, he is less likely to want to show off for the cameras, and will leave his more exuberantly offensive behaviour for a time when he knows he's on another country's national television.

Bets are also flooding in for the mid-qualifying friendly game against the intergalactic man-eating blancmanges of the Holy Empire. Despite reports that the team have come up with a number of clever strategies to avoid being eaten, such as soiling their underwear before the game so as to seem less appetising, carrying a spoon so as to be able to eat from the inside out any blancmange they find themselves eaten by, pushing the blancmanges off the raft on which the game will be played (in the middle of The Biggest Vonkian Lake while the national stadium is refurbished) and encouraging the puddings to eat Rajesh "Fatty" Khudanpur first and thus not have room for anyone else, there are still many Vonkians tempted by the odds on 'first player eaten':

Khudanpur: 10/11
Ciano: 3/2
Baptiste: 2/1
Bradshaw: 3/1
Anderson: 8/1
Vaskoveyvanitsch: 10/1
20/1 bar those.

The Enlightener: my washing machine's crap, it keeps smashing my plates
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y231/bettia/FAB.png

Aroras Keep On Rolling

Jariss.........................1 (Player #7 23)
Bettia.........................2 (Bapty 67, Tamari 86)

Bettia made it four wins out of four as they came away from their potential banana-skin match with Jariss, but they left it late to see off their opponents.

The Aroras management trio were forced into a reshuffle after Stuart Thompson, Asam Cirebon and Kirpi all picked up knocks in the last game, and so Bobby Swayne, Owen Elias and Justin Muhammad were all given starting roles. This disruption seemed to affect the usual flow of Bettia's football as they struglled to find any sort of consistancy. Jariss on the other hand were determined to make their home advantage count, and they duly did so on 23 minutes after their left-wing made a dangerous diagonal run then struc the ball firmly, which deflected off Barkley's shin and bobbled into the net past a wrong-footed Hassan Bin Jaffar.

Bettia's goalkeeper was called into action again as he was forced to make a double-save, first palming away a fiercely-struck shot from just outside the area, followed by a scrambled block as the striker's team-mate followed up. The first half carried on in a stuttering stop-start fashion, with frantic bursts of play dictated by the home side followed by periods of slow-moving football.

After a half-time lambasting by their managers, the Bettian players came out showing a lot more determination than in the first half, and they began to produce some real blood-and-thunder attacking play that at times threatened to sweep their hosts away. Bapty and Rhys both went close, and it was young Stuart Bapty who finally claimed Bettia's equaliser, taking advantage of a fluffed clearing header from a Bettian corner kick to slot the ball home almost uncontested.

As usual the Aroras were content to settle for a draw and they poured forward, tossing defence to one side with almost disastrous effect as they were repeatedly caught on the counter-attack by the home side. Thankfully, the net in the Bettian goal remained unrippled, but it seemed as though the game was indeed going to end all square. As is their want, Bettia then went to score a late winner courtesy of Asaf Tamari's diving header from Gwent's looping cross.

Elsewhere in Group Two, Bettia's next visitors Kura-Pelland showed Dennisov who's boss with a convincing 4-1 win, whilst the squirrel-loving Vonkians clung onto second place with a 2-1 at Fujisawan Territories. So far so good for the Aroras, but the toughest tests are yet to come.


Fixtures / Results

MD..OPPONENT...................VENUE......RESULT (SCORERS)

Qualifying Group 2

01: Dennisov...................HOME.......W 3-1 (Bapty 3)
02: Vonks......................Away.......W 4-0 (Catlin, Al-Sikamaya 2, Rhys)
03: Fujisawan Territories......HOME.......W 3-1 (Bapty, Rhys, Al-Sikamaya)
04: Jariss.....................Away.......W 2-1 (Bapty, Tamari)
05: Kura-Pelland...............HOME.......
06: Dennisov...................Away.......
07: Vonks......................HOME.......
08: Fujisawan Territories......Away.......
09: Jariss.....................HOME.......
10: Kura-Pelland...............Away.......

Tunk: Man, am I tired. I'm getting too old for this World Cup stuff ...
Wife: You're just the coach, you're not exactly playing anymore.
Tunk: I'm not getting any younger.
Wife: That Dazza Dallas making you all tired?

Tunk: I want to know what drugs she takes. I mean, she's a grandmother but she's so healthy. She's got better knees than me.
Wife: Well, if you find out please tell me too. I want to be younger too.
Tunk: Anyway, where's Hose?
Wife: Apparently he's off to somewhere for business.

Tunk: He didn't bring the wife, did he?
Wife: Sally is pretty much stuck with the World Cup team, so the kids are here.
Tunk: Yes, she's a hard worker. She's good with her hands.
Wife: That's expected if you come from a touchy-feely family.

Tunk: So where are the grand-kids?
Wife: Playing football in the backyard.
Tunk: I think I need a beer now.
Wife: You sit down. You've been working too hard.

Tunk: Thanks.

<Tunk and wife watch the grandkids play football>

Tunk: The girl is growing to be a bit of an actress.
Wife: Yes, she's a cheeky one.
Tunk: I think they spend too much time with Dazza, she's a bad influence.
Wife: I don't know, you spend a lot of time with her too.

Tunk: But I'm not an easily influenced young girl.
Wife: She's like Peter Pan, she hasn't really grown up.
Tunk: Hopefully our grandkids will be a bit more normal.
Wife: If we wanted normal grandkids, we'd get a normal wife for Hose then. You don't exactly have normal taste in women either.

Tunk: What do you mean?
Wife: I'm not exactly the tallest girl in Jeruselem.
Tunk: I know, I like small women.
Wife: Your football team is full of small women too. Good looking ones too.

Tunk: I'm no Private Nok Emdown.
Wife: Actually, I've met him. Charming fellow. I can see why he's popular.
Tunk: I can't work out why he's in the army.
Wife: Yes, there's lots strange people in the army.

THE ROCKET REPORT

VEPHRALL MATCH OF UTMOST IMPORTANCE FOR BOTH

Vephrall- Today, we will get a much clearer vision of the Rockets chances to advance to the World Cup, or if they will be destined to the Cup of Harmony. It's not an end all- be all game, but it is important. With Kose and The Turkomans off to a fast start, and Sqornshelous, as expected, running the table with just one minor hiccup, the Rockets are off the pace. 2-0-2 isn't a bad mark, but they have to be able to beat more then just Hockey Canada and United Hetzel. A win here, and they'll be amongst the pack as the second half of qualifying begins. A loss will hurt quite a bit. It wouldn't be a death blow, but it'd be pretty close to it. A draw? Well that's a little iffy.

Vephrall is the world's 26th best team according to KPB ranks, but once against their qualifying effort has gotten off to a slow start. It was worse four years ago, but Parker Law and company can't be too thrilled with the fact that like the Rockets, his team also sits at 2-0-2. His team is coming off a big win though as they knocked off Kose and The Turkomans by a goal, if they can build on that momentum, they will likely reassert themselves as the second choice in the group, behind the mysterious Sqornshelians. A loss, and Vephrall is in trouble as they'd be at minimum, three points behind the Turks, as well as three behind the Rockets. They've overcome a deficit before, but its not really something that Parker Law really wants to make a habit of. Vephrall's football tradition runs a lot deeper in the World Cup then Newmanistan's and therefore, qualification is more of an expectation for them. They do not want to go to Cup of Harmony, and potentially play in Newmanistan pending the result of the Empire's bid with Zwangzug. A draw might be acceptable, but they really want three points. Just like the Rockets do. Who wants it more? We'll find out in a few hours time.

We interviewed a few Rockets players, and coach Carson, about the match and this is what they had to say:

Carson: "This is a pivotal game. Two teams at 2-0-2, who are a bit off the pace but very much in reach with enough time left. After the game, one team's going to feel a lot better about their chances, and the other is going to feel a lot worse. I have been over it with the team though they didn't really need me to tell them the obvious. I believe we've trained well for this match, and will be on good form."

Brooker: "I'm excited. Big games like this always bring out the best in me, I can't wait to play."

Prescott: "It's gonna be fun playing against Jehoepe (Pasarap, who is a teammate, and a fellow midfielder of Prescott's with A.F.F. in Cafundeu). We've talked about the match a little bit, but we're pretty focused on what both of us need to do. But the loser has to carry the winner's bags when we report back to A.F.F."

McAllister: "I want nothing more then to beat these guys. Right now I'm just in that zone with the way some things have gone. I'm hungry and wanting to score more goals, and win the game for Newmanistan."

This is the RP cutoff for Matchday Five.

You can now find scores posted here (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13772120&postcount=9).

(OOC: Bah, I started this like a minute before cutoff it looks like, did some work, and failed to post in time ^_^ Which will explain some of the inaccuracies...)

ROBERT: One round complete, and let's take a look at the scores, and Kenji-san here is gobbling up the competition like a blancmange after a hunger strike. Jay and Drew have some work to do to stay in the hunt, and Brad is going back home to review those International Basketball Championships that he finds so darn intriguing.

ANNOUNCER: It's... Out of Bounds!

ROBERT: Vonks are currently the top performing team out of this tournament's Baptism of Fire, sitting second in group two on nine points. So it was much to our surprise, then, that they of all teams should be providing the Black Wings with something to post on the locker room wall! Listen to what Ian Rice has to say about the Wings...

The teams Dancougar have played have, statistically, sucked significantly more frequently and consistently than any other team's opponents so far.

ROBERT: Oh snap! Rice had an interesting take on some of the other teams in the tournament, but the Wings were one team in particular to draw his ire. So... guuuuuuuuuys... does Rice speak the truth? Are the Wings really one standard deviation away from epic failure? Kenji!

KENJI: I don't think that group three is terribly different than the other groups in the tournament. The draw is pretty even, and, of course, there's always surprise results. (+2) I will say that it is worrisome that the Wings needed to play a pair of hundred-plus ranked teams to get back to the point where they could control a game for a full ninety minutes. (+2) But how can he say that the Wings have had easier competition when two of the Vonks' three wins have come against teams that, combined, have earned a single point in qualifiers? (+3) And the Wings are getting it done on the road! (+2) And if they get more road points against the Blouman Empire tonight, I think it's a pretty good run.

JAY: Yeah. You know, when the Wings came up in World Cup 39, they went through a string of 4-0 losses to top thirty teams, so I would say that the Wings did roughly what they were supposed to do against Ofedestan and the Rebs, combined ten to one is going to make the team look better in the table than it actually is, but what's wrong with getting to really run your offense and get guys some playing time and some confidence? (+3) Dylandy and Furuya off the bench are two guys they're going to need when the going gets tough - they still have to play Az-cz again, and they're unbeaten since that opening loss. (+2) Green Wombat have had some bad luck, but they've got good draws on that resume. (+1) The Blouman Empire have also played pretty well, so I don't know where Rice is coming from here.

DREW: All credit to the Vonks for taking down Kura-Pelland, it's a marquee win for a new team that has turned more than a few heads. (+2) And from their point of view, maybe the Wings do have it easy. The Vonks have to pretty much play against someone ranked higher every game, and they're getting the results, but aren't we putting too much emphasis on rank, guys?! (+2) This is football! Crazy things happen! You see three goals in fifteen minutes to come back from behind. You see last second penalties. And when push comes to shove, no win is a gimme at the international level (+3). The Wings should be proud when they put up a big tally, regardless of who they play. They should always be asking questions of the defense, and the defense should always be back on its heels, mumbling, "Gawd, I didn't expect some sort of NationStates Inquisition." (He pops up a little red-hooded hand puppet and covers his mouth, and in a high squeaky voice...) Nobody expects the Na... (MUTE! -1)

ROBERT: All right, all right, enough of that. Well, that'll do it for Out of Bounds, and as I look at the scores... I see that it's you, Drew Papes, who is out of show! Any last words?

DREW: (still with the puppet) Blimey! (MUTE! -1)

ROBERT: Coming up next, showdown time. It's Nakahara and Adonis! Two men enter, one man leaves...

http://img187.imageshack.us/img187/8029/dailyturkpy7.png
Kose and Kazim see Red in Defeat.
In a game that ended in a shocking brawl in the Sultan Ibrahim XIII Stadi, as the Turks were beaten 2-0 with only 9 men after 90 minutes.

The first goal came in the 1st minute from a penalty conceded by Kazim who came out and deliberately punched the Squornshelous striker in the face leaving the Turks with their third choice keeper Riyahd Al-Kosedium winning only his second cap against the giants of the group and faced by a powerful penalty into the top corner leaving him no chance.

The Turks attempted to bounce back, Serkan Turkmen denied by the post, and Sinan Kose striking the crossbar. In the 21st minute Serkan Turkmen looked to have equalized but was pulled back for a foul on the central defender, it was this time that Squornshelous launched a counter attack and al-Kosedium pulled off a miracle save and tipped it over the bar, the resulting corner coming to nothing.

The Turks struck again but Sinan Kose was pulled back for offside a outcome which represented how the nation felt, as he shouted at the referee in anger, resulting in a yellow card for dissent.

It was after half time tempers boiled over a Squornshelous got yet another penalty this time from Hikmet Koc and Sinan Kose struck the referee in the face, his last contribution for this match and the friendly period, due to his ban and Riyahd Al-Kosedium got a hand to the penalty tipping it wide, but a delightful header from the corner put the result out of the Turks reach with only 9 men in the 74th minute, however sub, Volkan Erkan had something to say about it but it came to nothing after an amazing run.

The Defeat leaves the Turks in second on goal difference.

Unavailable
The list of players who are unavailable for our next few matches is growing:
Sinan Kose (1 game)
Kazim (4 games)
Cakir Fuat (2 Games)
This means that we cannot afford another slip up in goal with Cakir Fuat to return for our second qualifier in the second half of qualification the team will have to believe in it's capabilities.

16 June JY

Dr. Valden-Luordes,

You have been asked by the TSS Bynarm Committee - Athletic Performance (TBC-AP) to attend a preliminary hearing on the questionable results of the TSS Prefects, Representatives to World Cup 41. The TBC-AP has found the performance of your team to be undesirable at this current juncture, and as a result has scheduled this preliminary hearing to both discuss the wrongdoings of the club and discover possible methods of improvement in the latter half of qualification matches. Though your team's involvement has been less than satisfactory, at this time this hearing should not be construed as one that contains considerations of punishment or banishment from Universitus.

Please keep this information concerning the time and location of the preliminary hearings:

1:30 P, 17 June JY
Administration, Tildes Skills School District, City of Universitus
TC-BAP Chambers, 14423A, 1662 109th St.

This meeting is mandatory to remain in good standing of your contract. We thank you for your cooperation in this matter. We look forward to a successful and productive meeting and a much improved second half of qualifiers in World Cup 41.

Signed,

Alati Yves
Director of the TSS Bynarm Committee - Athletic Performance (TBC-AP)
The Tildes Skills School at Universitus

http://img204.imageshack.us/img204/3670/tssschoollu9.jpg

SAYINGS OF THE DESERT FATHERS

On Fortitude

In the desert, some Archregimancy supporters came to Macarius and said 'How can you be content here with this severe way of life and difficult training regime?' Macarius replied, 'All the severity of my life here cannot compare with a day of the torment prepared for sinners in the next world, nor the disciplining we would have received from Fr. Anthony had we not beaten Kolanderaz last night."

John Cassian said, "We did not make progress in the first two matches because we did not realise how much we can do. We lost interest in the work we had begun, and we wanted to be good without even trying. Now we have won three in a row, though two difficult matches against Valanora and Candelaria and Marquez await us."

Some brothers suggested to Ephraim that the squad could take a break from their great labours following the victory over Kolanderaz. He answered "Believe me, my sons, if Abraham repented when he saw God's glorious gifts, should we not try to work even harder?"

On nothing done for show

They said of Arsenius and Rufinius that they hated the fame and praise that came to them following the Archregimancy's recent winning streak more than anything. Arsenius avoided people likely to praise him. Rufinius did not avoid them following his winning goal against Kolanderaz, but their words were like daggers to him.

On unceasing prayer

They said that the evening before each football match, Arsenius would turn his back to the setting sun and stretch out his hands towards heaven and pray for victory until, at dawn the next day, the rising sun lit up his face, and then he sat down again.

OLHO NO LANCE! YOUR SPORTS MAGAZINE!
$PECIAL $ECTION

WORLD CUP 41 QUALIFIERS COVERAGE - WITH GLOBO MULTIMEDIA
Written by Sílvio Ruiz, with comments from TV made by Breno Gavião

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CAFUNDÉU GETS FIRST REAL BIG WIN

http://img128.imageshack.us/img128/5290/imagemdwm6.jpg
Fabrício before the beginning of the game

In the last game of the first half of the World Cup qualifiers, Cafundéu played at home against Frontenax, in what was a must win game for the Monopolists. So far, the campaign alternated good and bad moments. More bad than good, what isn't good for the confidence of the supporters, who are still suspicious over the capacity of the team in making a good campaign in this World Cup. In this game against Frontenax, they could smile a bit, as the result was a very positive one.

Since the beginning of the game, Cafundéu showed the capacity to make a wonderful game. In the third minute, Augusto César received the ball in the left side of the field and dribbled a player before scoring a goal. Later, Fabrício scored his with a nice individual play. Before the end of the first half, Flecha scored the third.

In the second half, Cafundéu was able to improve the advantage without worrying with a possible menace of Frontenax. Flecha and Silveira were the ones that scored the goals that closed the result in a very satisfactory one of 5x0. The team is in the second position of the group, and will probably qualify.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT (Silveira's goal): “And Cafundéu keeps a good rrrrrresult herrrrrrre at Abadia! Cafundéu four, Frrrrrrontenax zerrrrrro... but the team doesn't stop rrrrrright now, wants morrrrrre! Giovanni holds the ball in the midfield, avoids an opponent. Grrrrrreat pass to Silveirrrrrra, with a strrrrrrrong shot... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Rrrrrrrreplay is necessarrrrrry! Silveirrrrrra, number five! Now it's Cafundéu five, Frrrrrontenax zerrrrrro! Prrrrrroblems with the lights? Call the technical assistance of EletrrrrroImpério, your supplier of electrrrrrrrical enerrrrrrgy in Juta and Lasft!”

JORGE LANG - INTERVIEWS: this result is probably the best one of this half of the qualifiers, and surely the players and the coach are very happy about what happened today. The coach said: "We did the necessary... and a bit more. We need to keep this strength for the next games. That's all, thank you." Silveira said: "If we continue playing the way we played today, we can make the supporters believe in our talent again. This is our objective."

CAFUNDÉU 5x0 FRONTENAX

Place: Arena América, in Abadia.
Attendance: 108,590 people.
Referee: Marcus Flamembert (Kura-Pelland).
MOTM: Silveira (Cafundéu).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Moisés; Vasco, Alex and Gaëif; Silveira, Da Silva, Augusto César and Moreira (Giovanni 71'); Flecha (Careca 80'), Fabrício and Rubiano (Zé Sho 65').
Coach: Rivaldo Sodré.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/frontenax.png FRONTENAX: Rochester; Baker, Kowalski and Hirshel; Lawrence, Kapoor, Fischer (De Salchio 60') and Shareef; Pellegrino (De Hannover 60'), Haverford (Elkan 73') and Salem.
Coach: Stephen Tow.

Goals:CAF: Augusto César 3' , Fabrício 28' , Flecha 40'/63' , Silveira 72'.

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Cafundéu – formation for the game against Northern Bettia: Moisés; Vasco, Alex and Gaëif; Silveira, Da Silva, Augusto César and Moreira; Flecha, Fabrício and Rubiano.
Coach: Rivaldo Sodré.
Style of +1

Match’s Referee: Sharon Rekke (Jeruselem).

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WC Goalscorers:

4- Flecha
3- Augusto César
2- Moreira
1- Da Silva, Alex, Fabrício, Silveira

"... The art of calligraphy teaches us the three ways to excellence - accuracy, thoroughness, and patience. For each stroke must be proper to convey the proper meaning. And each stroke must be deliberate, to show your intention. And most of all, you must spend good time making a good character. Haste kills the character, and if you must sacrifice any of these, save patience for the last..."

A man carrying a red banner interrupted the calligraphy session. The Emperor immediately looked up, while the calligraphy only gazed up apart from his instructions to the Crown Prince. It seemed immediately certain that a crisis had emerged and required the Emperor's attention. The messenger bowed slightly before saying, "I bear urgent news."

"Seonsaengnim, we must have some time alone."

The teacher nodded and left promptly.

"Should I leave too?" the Crown Prince asked.

"No. There is a time to learn matters of state," the Emperor replied. He turned his attention to the messenger who entered the room and unfolded an email transcript from the Hwarang. The Emperor quickly read through it.

"Have you confirmed this?"

"No. None of the Cafundelense media have released any statement as when we received the notice, but some websites showed pictures of the attacks. They appear genuine."

"What happened?"

"A man was shot and the police retaliated. Then an explosion rocked the area. It appears to be have been a home-made bomb, using nitrates."

"Anything else?"

"One of the videos recorded the attacker's voice - it was definitely Mujeongbu."

The reviled name had somehow come to international attention once again. The attacks in Casari started what was one of the longest dormant periods of Mujeongbu activity. Casari had perhaps suffered the worst of Mujeongbu aggression, while the recent attack in Candelaria And Marquez bordered on the severity of Mujeongbu attacks years ago in the Empire. Now Cafundeu? None of this made any sense.

"The Cafundelense media have stated anything about these attacks yet?"

"As of this moment, no."

"Very well. We will keep quiet as well. The Mujeongbu are becoming a worse pestilence than we could have imagined. What about our plans in Candelaria And Marquez? Didn't we have Hwarang agents there?"

"We do. They're conducting multiple surveys - to find de Wilde and find Mujeongbu cells."

"Forget de Wilde. If he's anywhere, he's not planning to attack the Han."

"Maybe he's planning the next attack on Candelaria And Marquez?"

The Emperor shook his head. "I don't think so. The Mujeongbu are becoming more stochastic. It doesn't make any sense."

The messenger then bowed. "I must leave to give my report. I am sorry to have troubled you, Majesty."

"Send word to Count Yu that I want the Hwarang to begin operations to stop the Mujeongbu. I don't care under what manners they are stopped - they must be stopped. Otherwise, our expatriate community will suffer for the actions of the Mujeongbu."

The messenger nodded again and left. The Emperor had his head in his hands. He turned briefly to the Crown Prince - "When you become Emperor, the necessities of your people will give you more pain than those of your own."

"It's so much to bear for one man."

The Emperor then smiled. "It's my hope that I leave this Empire in better condition than when I received the mandate from my own father. In due time, you will become Emperor."

"But how will I manage it?" the Crown Prince said. He had matured into a young man, but still youthful thoughts clouded his judgment. "It's like trying to ride three horses at the same time."

"And yet acrobats can handle the feat well," the Emperor said. "It will come with time. Running the Empire is like calligraphy - accuracy, thoroughness, and patience."

The Crown Prince nodded. Things started to connect for him - the training that he had been receiving for his lifetime. They would come to good use.

New Wii advertisement ...

Kate: Hello! It's us again! I'm Kate Sallad.
Jacinta: And I'm Jacinta Sallad.
Kate: You know the girls who do nude Wii ads.
Jacinta: Yeah, it's fun.

Kate: Well, The Bike's World Cup Football Manager for the Wii is out!
Jacinta: Yes, it's an official product for the World Cup 41.
Kate: It's better than the old version.
Jacinta: You have better play profiles.

Kate: Better player graphic including support for sentient vegetables.
Jacinta: Actually sentient anything, even ducks.
Kate: You can program in strange player behaviour! Like streaking.
Jacinta: I noticed I had streaking enabled on my profile.

Kate: There's new stadiums and you can even build your stadium. That's pretty cool.
Jacinta: You can even change fan behaviour.
Kate: For example, Southern Northland and Bostopia had the nut-throwing habit turned on.
Jacinta: It also has parental control too in case parents want to turn off the dirty stuff.

Kate: Like what Jacinta?
Jacinta: You and your shorts falling off.
Kate: Never! You can't seem to keep the top on.
Jacinta: Good thing we don't do both on the field.

Kate: As usual you can play against the computer or play against a friend.
Jacinta: Yes, that's a lot of fun. You can relive the Monks vs Holy Empire games!
Kate: And you can even create a new nation to enter into the World Cup.
Jacinta: It's a great game.

Kate: Just a reminder, you need the extended memory option installed to play this game.
Jacinta: So you don't lose all your settings.
Kate: I recommend The Bike's World Cup Football Manager for the Wii
Jacinta: Otherwise we wouldn't be plugging it.

Kate: So, get this game.
Jacinta: Yes, it's the next best thing to actually managing a real World Cup team without the headaches.
Kate: And without spending a lot of money.
Jacinta: Wii love you!

Nehrland Ends Game Against SouthSuburbia in a 1-1 Tie
Coach Says Things Finally Turning Around

Earlier today Nehrland ended in a 1-1 tie against SouthSuburbia. This is the first ever game where Nehrland did not end in a loss. Fans erupt with pride upon knowing that Nehrland is now inching toward 5th place. Coach Patterson said today, "I'm really happy that things are finally turning around. At this rate, maybe we will get a win before the end of the World Cup."

KENNETH: Football, now, and all eyes were on the Blouman Empire, where the Wings had an opportunity to create some space between the top and middle of the group. But they'd have to pick up another road win. Two is tough, but to go for three, that would be something. To the empire we go, and we're pretty sure it's NOT the Corrimal Rangers this time. We had a hell of a time trying to get that straight during the Oxen Cup. It's not them, right?

SCOTTY: Hard to know with no official roster.

KENNETH: We're going to say it's not the Corrimal Rangers, that cool?

SCOTTY: We can do that.

KENNETH: Early action, tenth minute! Black Wings get the first real chance of the game and try to keep that Blouman crowd quiet. Whittaker dances around the defender and manages to get off a cross. Jinguuji goes up to get it, but doesn't get enough power behind the header, and it's parried wide. Eighteenth minute, another sight of goal for the Wings, as Morimoto takes a crack from thirty five yards. Ambitious effort, but he's bit off too much, and the 'keeper makes the easy catch.

SCOTTY: Blouman have a great chance in the thirty sixth, keep your eyes on the ball here. Long cross into the box, Yukikaze heads it clear. Sent right back in, and Watanabe goes to punch it clear... punches it straight to a Blouman forward, who we think is Anthony Williams, and he winds up... and doinks it right back to Watanabe's hands! An entire goal to shoot at, onside with no one marking him, and he can't put it away. But would it come back to bite them?

KENNETH: Second half, still no score, fifty third minute, and Ikeda tees it up from the top of the box. Nice give and go with Morimoto, but the shot hits the post and rolls out for a goal kick! Spots an opening in the defense, he claims it took a deflection, but it's just a miss. But minute sixty five, the Wings finally break the deadlock. Whittaker's cross is cleared out, but headed back into play by Boskov to an onside Jericho Leyton, who fires it from sixteen. GOAL! And the Blouman defense is caught napping, it's 1-0 to the visitors.

SCOTTY: Blouman would try to salvage the point, but defender Chris Princeton comes on to try and hold the lead. And Princeton pitched an excellent twenty minutes of relief. Hard tackle, but cleanly wins the ball, and Blouman start to lose their cool. Ikeda, pushing forward, tries to step over the tackle, but he's clattered. Yellow card, free kick, and Morimoto almost makes it two, but the shot sails just over the bar. Watanabe only faced four shots in the entire game, and it's another road win for the Wings - they take down Blouman 1-0.

KENNETH: Halftime in qualifiers, and the Wings are holding onto first place in group three. They've got three points on Az-cz and three more on Blouman, but five matches remain, and anything can happen. They will have three of those at home, though, and the next one with Az-cz will be crucial, since the result could swing between a tie for first and a six point clearance. And as part of the festivities during the break... the first ever Robocup between the ducks of Prux and the chickens of University of Helmut Professor Frederick von Steuben. We take you live to the university, where they're announcing the Dancougar roster... if that even makes sense...

==================================================

ANNOUNCER: Preeeeeeeesenting, the starting lineup for the Dancougar Hell Hens, the foul fightin' fowl that'll make a mess of the ducks of Prux.

PETER: The hell is this, Dr. Seuss?

RUSS: Tell me why we're here again when we need to be working?

VON STEUBEN: Because, boys, zees ees ze moment of troos! Finally, ze ducklinks vill test ze egony of defeat at ze hens of zee cheekins!

RUSS: I can't tell if you're punning on purpose, or if it's just an artifact of your accent.

ANNOUNCER: The Hell Hens will play an attacking 3-5-2, plus one! Introducting, at goalkeeper... Petr Peck!!

RUSS: ...... Hold on, did he just...?

ANNOUNCER: At left back, Rioooooooooooooo Feathernand!

PETER: No, he didn't... professor?!

ANNOUNCER: At right back, Andrea... Barz.. EGGGGGGGGLIIIIII!

PETER: Augh, no, that was horrible!

ANNOUNCER: Anchoring the defense, the fearless center back, programmed to clear the ball or cluck trying...

PETER: Gaugh!

ANNOUNCER: Alessandro Nessssssssssssta!

RUSS: Oh... there wasn't a pun in... WAIT. Son of a... !!

ANNOUNCER: Playing on the defensive side of the five bird midfield, the next two chickens. Hamit... Omlettetop!

RUSS: The pain! Oh god, it hurts!

ANNOUNCER: And Shunsuke Nuggetmura!

PETER: Not until this moment have I realized that Professor von Steuben is a terrible, terrible human being.

VON STEUBEN: Boot I heffent iffen used ze goot poons yet!

RUSS: Good by what measure?

ANNOUNCER: Attacking midfielder, Landon Drumstick!

RUSS: That's not a good pun! It barely scratches the surface of bad!

ANNOUNCER: And the wizard of free kicks, the dead ball menace...

PETER: No...

ANNOUNCER: DAVID PECKHAM!

PETER AND RUSS: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!

ANNOUNCER: Rounding out the midfield... world chicken of the year... Cristiano HENALLLLLLLLLDOOOOOOOO!

PETER: Russ, take this pencil, and jam it into my head. Go right through the eye. Kill me now. No, wait, the ear. Do the ear! For the love of god, through the ear!

ANNOUNCER: And the forwards spearheading the attack... right side, Miroslav Clucke!

RUSS: That's such a stretch! But why, why does it still hurt?

ANNOUNCER: And last but not least for your starting eleven, left side forward... Waynnnnnnne... ROOOOOOOOOOOSTERRRRRRRRR!

RUSS: Professor. I hate you. I really hope you lose for that.

PETER: Peter, the pencil, it won't go in any farther!! Help me finish the job!

RUSS: Dude, the hell, we have a mission to do after this...!!

THE ROCKET REPORT

ROCKETS COME UP SHORT

Vephrall- As was the case in their first two defeats, the Rockets played well enough to win, they just simply did not. Had Newmanistan just picked up a break here and there, they could very well be sitting at 3-2-0 instead of 2-0-3 where they find themselves right now. The loss is a tough blow for the Rockets, although things are tight enough in the group right now for the team to go on a good run, where they do get such breaks and make it into that second spot. There's one more meet with both Kose and The Turkomans and Vephrall, and if they could win them both, the way the group is now, they still have a shot. Still, it's tough to have a feel for this qualification campaign one way of the other, because you've seen the quality and you've seen the effort. You just haven't seen the results. If Newmanistan were a higher ranked team with the expectation of qualifying, then it's the kind of start that would get a manager on the hot seat. But for Newmanistan, it's nothing more then frustrating.

The start of the match had the look of two teams that knew how much getting a full three points would mean to them. They were cautiously aggressive, and on both sides were positionally sound. Yes, in other words, it was bogged down in midfield. In the 14th minute of play, the Rockets brilliantly worked a ball up from the back end to a prime scoring position. Corey Hennis' goal kick found Alex Parnett, who took charge and set up Kevin Lewis, who dished it off to Jeremy McAllister. McAllister got a half step on the defender, and took his shot that made it by the goalkeeper Rilin for a 1-nil Newmanistan lead. It's a goal that the veteran keeper would love to have back, for sure, as many home fans felt he should have made the save. The goal was the highlight of the first half for the Rockets, as afterwards, for some reason they got a little too conservative. Whether this was Brian Carson's desire, or forced by the Vephrall defense is up for debate. Vephrall began to assert their desired tempo, and soon enough they were getting several chances and the crowd could sense an equalizer. In the 30th minute, Brett Prescott received a yellow card for a rough tackle on A.F.F. teammate Jehope Parasap, and on the free kick, just a few yards outside the penalty area, Parasap blasted a shot over the wall, and by Hennis to tie it up at one goal apiece. But Parasap wasn't done. Just five minutes later, he outran Prescott, who seemed to be a little tentative by his standards due to just getting that yellow card. Parasap then got the ball to Prorim Phootid. Tony Borsinger tried to trap Phootid so that he would be offsides, but the Vephrall striker would have none of it, knowing what Borsinger was trying to do, staying onsides, collecting the pass, and firing it by Hennis. And just like that, Vephrall led 2-1, which is where we went into intermission.

Overall Brian Carson wasn't thrilled nor was he upset with the effort. It was one stretch that really did the Rockets in, but that stretch result in two big goals for the home team. Newmanistan would have to be more aggressive, and come out looking to score quickly in the second half.

Carson's message was delivered as the Rockets generated plenty of offense to start out the second half, but the flip side of that was they were suspectible to counterattacks. Vephrall didn't seem to mind the increased tempo, and they also generated opportunities as they tried to go two goals up. The result was thrilling end to end action that kept the home fans on their feet, knowing that the game's fourth goal was imminent, but not knowing which team was score it. In the 48th minute, Phootid struck the post with a shot, and three minutes later, Shawn Drummond did the same thing for the Rockets. This pace couldn't continue without a goal, and in the 59th minute, the Rockets would get a huge equalizer off the foot of Kevin Lewis. Nothing fancy about the play, the Rockets captain was simply set up nicely on a cross by Brett Prescott, and found the back of the net to tie it up at two. The tempo of the game did not slow down, simply because Vephrall did not want it too, so just as much as we knew there would be a fourth goal, there was going to be a fifth. In the 76th minute, the Rockets caught a break when the referee only whistled Brett Prescott for a foul on a tackle instead of issuing him yellow card #2. With Sqornshelous next, and knowing Prescott was fortunate not to be carded, Carson immediately subbed in Chris Peterson for him. In the 82nd minute, a somewhat rusty Chris Peterson, who plays for Clube Imperial passed the ball perfectly to Clube Imperial teammate Soscren Parnasik. Just one problem with that, Parnasik plays for Vephrall. Peterson won't admit it, but many feel that Parnasik yelled out some kind of Clube Imperial signal, and the rusty Peterson bought it. After receiving the pass, Parnasik made a beeline for the goal, and just as Jeremy Brooker came up to lay a hard challenge on him, Parnasik slid the ball over to Cese Scathock, who took the pass and scored what would ultimately be the game winner. Newmanistan generated a good chance in the 89th minute, but a Jeremy McAllister shot was stopped by Rilin to secure the victory. This result sends us to the halfway point of qualifying, and the Rockets next opponent will be Sqornshelous at home. They do not have any mid qualifying friendlies.


Here is your post game game reaction:

Carson: "In spots, we played well enough to win, but against a team like Vephrall you have to do that for 90 minutes plus stoppage time. This was a big game for them just like it was for us, and they made the plays that they needed too."

Hennis: "No, I'm not happy with the way I played today. I don't have anything more to say."

Brooker: "This one's tough to come to grips with, because we did most of what we set out to do today. It wasn't good enough, but they had the breaks, for sure. But good teams make their breaks."

Peterson (on the errant pass): "I don't wanna talk about it." (after being prompted): "I made a mistake that cost my team, I was focused on getting the ball to Parnett, but somehow i just got bad foot on it, and it landed on Parnasik's foot." (yes this is a cop out blatant lie on his part)

McAllister: "You look at two of their goals. One a free kick in a prime position, and the other on a fluke play, the bad pass. It's obvious who got the breaks. It was an evenly played game, but they did the little things. That's what makes a good team, and that's what we need to start doing."

QBC WORLD CUP XLI COVERAGE

"Hello all, I'm Beck Davidham, We here at QBC are here to cover the Qazox-Acapais match, the 5th qualifer today from the SaxerDome in SaxerVilla. While these two sides have been apart of the World Cup scene for a long time, this marks the first ever meeting for the two sides.

The referees are ready, the anthems have been played, and we're ready to go!"

<Match Fast Forward>

"and Renna Valladores finds Anderson Tarricone, who's back from missing a game witha strained quad, back to Valladores... GOOOOOAL 1-nil Qazox here in the 17th minute and the roar from the crowd is deafening."

<Match Fast Forward>

"Still 1-nil Qazox here with just under 20 minutes to go. McKellar has it and is tackled by Stasinos. McKellar gets up and SHOVES Stasinos, Stasinos shoves back and the referee is quickly in stopping the two men from any further fighting and shows both men a Yellow card. Could this altercation fire up the Acapais team, who've looked at times almost dead out there."

<Match Fast Forward>

"Maria Reyes with the tackle just outside the box and the referee whistles for a foul and HE'S awarding a penalty kick! Reyes is livid and starts talking with the referee. What a horrid call here 3 minutes into injury time and now Acapais has one last chance to tie it up. Reyes has just been shown the yellow for arguing and Russ Heberly is pulling her away from the referee. Jose Castro lines it up and.... scores and the referee promtly whistles this match over. the crowd and the Pheonix are pissed. That kind of call should not be made that late in the match and the foul, if there was one at all, was outside of the box and definately should not have been awarded a penalty kick. A terrible call there."


<Match End>
"Nothing settled between these two sides as it ends 1-1, meaning Qazox is now in 2nd behind Zwangzug on differential. But a 3-2-0 start is great, but it should be a 4-1-0 start, and I hope the QFA protests this match. They were screwed over by the referee from Bostopia."

We have other scores from Group 7, and here they are:
Zwangzug 3-0 Orion Star Empire (FINAL)
Fmjphoenix 1-2 Aleos (FINAL)


And scores from around the Q continuum:
Green Wombat 2-0 Ofedestan (FINAL)
Wentland 2-0 Prux (FINAL)
Nethertopia 0-2 Taeshan (FINAL)

And the match summary for all:
Qazox (Goal): Renna Valladores- 17'
Acapais (Goal): Jose Castro- (PK) 90+3'
Acapais: Zachary McKellar 72'
Qazox: Cyrus Stasinos 72'
Qazox: Maria Reyes 90+2'

Qazox Scoring:
Kallie Jaus- 4 (1 PK)
Renna Valladores- 2
Stevie Spingler
Raul de Olivares
Anderson Tarricone
Charles Marquis (1 PK)

Bookings:
Shillingford- 1 Yellow
Stasinos- 1 Yellow
Reyes- 1 Yellow

PRUXTON GLOBE

Dateline: Wentland
Reason: Matchday Five

Result: 0-2 away loss to Wentland

Scoring:
Andy Saint (Went): 22'
Robbie Schinn (Went): 40'

Summary:
Wentland came out and dominated the ROBODUCKS once again as Professor Gearlosse has seemingly lost whatever magic touch he had in earlier competitions.

Match rating (1-5): 1.0
Rating reasoning: Prux was never in the match, and the steady rain didn't help either as it meesed up the ROBODUCKs guidance systems, at least according to Gearlosse.

Next match: vs. Rennidan
Previous result: 2-2 Draw @ Rennidan

Projected result: 1-1 draw
Betting line: Prux -0.5; over/under: 1.5

Green Wombat Daily Tattler

The Wombats finally win a match 2-0 over Ofedestan, improving the record to 1-2-2. But the hole has been dug maybe a little too deep as Green wombat sits 5 points out with 5 matches to play. Unless they go 4-1-0 or 5-0-0, then the Wombats will be probably in the COH once again.

Up next Blouman Empire, who knocked of the Wombats 2-0 in the opener for each team. Hopefully the Wombats can return the favor an come away with a road win.

Scoring:
Jill Caffey (GW)- 53'
Claudia Bard (GW)- 71'


Schedule/ Results
MD1: vs. Blouman Empire LOSE 0-2
MD2: @ Dancougar Draw 1-1
MD3: @ Free Krytenia Rebels LOSE 2-4
MD4: vs. Az-cz Draw 2-2
MD5: vs. Ofedestan WIN 2-0
Mid-Qualifying Break
MD6: @ Blouman Empire
MD7: vs. Dancougar
MD8: vs. Free Krytenia Rebels
MD9: @ Az-cz
MD10: @ Ofedestan
RECORD: 1-2-2

Predicted record: 5-2-3.

OOC: Man this is so not the right time for me damn life why do you have to get in the way, but it looks like Margret has smiled upon me for once. And no Dan we are not the Corrimal Rangers, it is the International team, roster will hopefully be up before the end of qualifying.

IC: Host: Well we are half way through the mid qualifying stage so let us have a look at how the Eagles have been performing.

In the first game against Green Wombat the Empire won convincingly with a two-nil win, both goals being scored by Christopher Speed.

The second game was against the Free Krytenia Rebels with a two-one win the Empire was going strong on top of the table two points clear. Speed and Junckson sharing the goals in this game

The game against top ranked Az-cz saw the Blouman Empire lose their first game two-one.

A disappointing draw but a much needed point was gained when the Empire had to settle for 2-2 score line against bottom ranked Ofedestan. The draw made it harder for the Empire to remain in contention for qualifying as Dancougar continued its winning ways, and with top ranked Az-cz losing a game it was important for Bloumany to capitalise on any opportunity. Speed managed take the first goal, before substitute Joseph Hahn landed one in the back of the net to get the draw moments before full time.

The final game against Dancougar saw them lose one-nil after a disappointing game with the Empire only having one notable shot on goal by Williams who manged to head the ball into the keepers hands.

So before going into the reverse fixture, the Empire is third six points short of Dancougar who is yet to lose a game. Az-cz is also a win free from the Eagles. The Free Krytenian Rebels and Green Wombat are only one and two points respectively behind the empire and wins against them are a must. The empire must also defeat either Dancougar or Az-cz in order to have any chance in qualifying for the cup, other wise they may be heading off to the Cup of Harmony. Manager Henry Schweppe is said to be pleased of the team o far and is confident they can go better in the upcoming games.

"Alright, Juan.... I admit it... I was wrong."

"About what, old friend?"

"A couple of things. First of all, I assumed - like most people - that when the blancmanges ate the Kereca squad, that they'd also killed the Kereca squad."

"No, no, no, no...."

"Well, you have to admit that it was a fairly straightforward assumption."

"Why?"

"Well, in Ordinary Reality, when you eat something, it follows that you've killed it - unless it was already dead."

"You should know that's not how we do things here, Simeone. One of our fundamental freedoms is the freedom from the need for death. The blancmanges ate the Kereca players, who were immediately transported back to portals until they could be returned home."

"Just seems a bit, well, impossible, Juan."

"Well, how old were you when you left Starblaydia?"

"About 120."

"And how old are you now?"

"About 40."

"And you think eating people but not killing them is impossible? And besides, we knew it wasn't the real Kereca squad. The minute anyone steps through a portal, we know everything about them. We already knew that was a replacement squad of tramps and homeless people. Of course, there is one problem.."

"Which is, Juan?"

"That eating but not killing trick only works in the Dreamed Realm. They really would be dead in Ordinary Reality. What was the other thing you were wrong about?"

"The blancmanges! They can really play! That was a fantastic performance against the Pazhujeb Islands! They comprehensively outplayed the opposition, taking a 2-0 lead - which would have been 3 if the referee hadn't waved away a perfectly good penalty shout, even if I'm still not sure how you trip a blancmange. That late Pazhujebi free kick made the score look respectable, but really, that was amazing. And they didn't eat a single opposition player, only a junior Pazhujebi match official."

"Who's safely back to the Islands as we speak. You see, Simeone, sometimes you just gotta have faith..."

“Will there be anything else, sir?”

“No thank you, Jarvis. You may leave now.”

“Very good, sir. May I retire?”

“You may. Thank you once more.”

“For what, sir?”

“For...everything.”

Jarvis gently closed the door with his usual dignity and the sound gently echoed around the study. Lord Wellesbourne held the package in trembling hands, gently laid it on his desk, and brushed the brown paper.

He whispered to himself. “So many souls...lost...for this.”

He took a deep breath and walked away. Towards the window, where he stared into the darkness. His heart was palpitating. At long last it was his.

Not too eager, he thought, not too rushed. Calm down, calm everything.

He walked slowly to the desk. Very carefully he ran his nail under the tape parcelling the package. And peeled back the brown paper. How cheap, he thought, just bog-standard parcel paper, with such treasures within.

He manoeuvred the package to remove the paper entirely. And there it was.

The Codex.

It did not look in any way special. A little expensive, surely. But he had hundreds of similar volumes around him in the study. Black leather binding, gilt-edge to the top of the page. Floral pattern imprinted into the cover. The spine ribbed with thicker leather.

Lord Wellesbourne caressed it. No title. That was not surprising. A smile flickered across his lips.

Dare I open it? he thought. The Seers spoke of Saridan, who hunted a Beast his entire life. When he killed the Beast he was so crestfallen at his life’s accomplishment that he ran himself through with the very same sword, still bespattered with the Beast’s blood.

Lord Wellesbourne was not the suicidal type, however.

Very carefully he switched on the light-neutral lamp. No damage to the paper, of course. He gingerly opened the cover of the book. Acid-free introduction paper, of the highest Emperor’s Crown watermark quality. Only the cognoscenti would appreciate that.

The first few endpapers were blank, as expected. Then the half-title. Oh, how wonderful! The shield with the crossed swords, the fabled colophon of the Gottenschmid brothers. In the purest crimson ink from the workshops of Feldmeer. So long unseen...

Lord Wellesbourne was lost in wonderment at the perfection of the woodcut. How could such an achievement have been made in those times? No wonder people committed murder for this work.

And now it was his.

With trembling hand he turned the page to devour the text within. And there it was. In a colour as black as the very depths of space itself, on woodcut font that had been imitated but never equalled, on the title page, in all its glory.

WENTLAND 2-0 PRUX

Lord Wellesbourne was satisfied. His life was complete.

OOC: Disclaimer - Please note that being Northern Bettian, this news report is written from a highly biased point of view, and therefore not all facts stated may strictly be accurate. Any offence caused is strictly IC!

The Anyuna Observer: what the...?!?
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y231/bettia/nbet-badge.gif
Fire Ants in 'Fair Play' Controversy

Northern Bettia.........................3 (Hayes 6, Hanabi 45 77)
Lovisa.............................................1 (Lunz 59)

Northern Bettia won their fourth game on the trot to cement their place at the top of Group 5, but this was a most below-par performance in a very real sense.

The first warning signs could be seen shortly before kick-off when, instead of the ritual chanting of the national slogan "You're going home in a fucking ambulance!" and making threatening throat-slitting gestures at their visitors, the Fire Ants' captain walked to the centre circle and shook the hand of his opposite number. Things took a turn for the worse when the Fire Ants took the lead after 6 minutes. After smashing a piledriver of a shot into the face of Lovisan goalkeeper Sievers then poking in the rebound, Ubay Hayes chose to help the unfortunate keeper to his feet instead of pointing at him and laughing in the traditional manner.

Whilst the faithful fans who had packed into Sakura Park took in these horrifying events, Northern Bettia carried on this bizarre exhibition of what the rest of the world calls 'sportsmanship'. The referee was afforded a lot of respect, with none of his decisions being questioned no matter how dubious - for example, a trip on midfielder Yuu Basatada was rewarded with a smile and a pat on the back for the perpetrator rather than the more normal and manly kick in the bollocks. With their visitors reeling from this surreal experience, young striker Kyo Hanabi struck his first ever international goal at the tender age of 14 after being put through by a precise pass from Inoue.

As the second half began, the Northern Bettian fans were placated by their heroes' two goal lead and they filled the stadium with the sort of hearty, fullsome support they have come to be feared for, but they were soon quietened when Lovisa pulled a goal back through Georg Lunz. As the striker gathered the ball from the back of the net, many of the Northern bettian team did something quite unthinkable (not to mention disgusting) -
they applauded him. Visibly sickened by this show of good sportsmanship, the hardcore contingient of Fire Ants fans showed their disapproval by ripping up seats and even chunks of concrete from the terraces and hurling onto the pitch. As the police attempted to quell the disturbance with baton rounds and water cannons, Dawn Blakey bravely attempted to reason with the ringleaders, but ended up inflaming the situation by throwing flowers into the crowd and then failing to oblige when the supporters not-so-politely asked her to get her tits outs for the lads.

Despite the distraction of gunfire and the occasional agonised scream coming from behind one goal, the game continued and Northern Bettia quickly re-established control when man of the match Hanabi bagged his second goal of the game, nodding in a corner from the six yard line.

As the Northern Bettian players clapped their opponents off the pitch in a disgusting show of friendship, the inquest was already beginning. Rumours about a mind-altering voodoo spell gone wrong performed by Northern Bettia's assistant manager / witch doctor Baron Vendredi were quickly dismissed by FANB. Whatever the reasons, fans all over Northern Bettia can only hope that the Fire Ants can put this well-behaved monstrosity behind them by putting in a more gutsy performance at home to Cafundéu on Matchday 6.



Fixtures / Results

MD..OPPONENT...............VENUE......RESULT (SCORERS)


Qualifying Group 5

01: Cafundéu...............Away.......D 1-1 (Yamane)
02: Southsuburbia..........HOME.......W 4-0 (Hayes, Sienko 2, Fukui)
03: Nehrland...............Away.......W 2-0 (Hanabi, Hayes)
04: Frontenax..............HOME.......W 3-1 (Hayes, Sienko, Katt)
05: Lovisa.................HOME.......W 3-1 (Hayes, Hanabi 2)
06: Cafundéu...............HOME.......
07: Southsuburbia..........Away.......
08: Nehrland...............HOME.......
09: Frontenax..............Away.......
10: Lovisa.................Away.......

Sealed in a pressurised metal tube from which there was no escape, the national Kelssek football team flew home.

"Guys! Team talk. Now, we are going to have to win at some point, you realise." Mark Tupper said sarcastically.

"E6," said Darach Salthill.

"Miss." said Paul Clifton.

"Pay attention to me, goddamnit," Tupper insisted.

"A3," said Clifton.

"Aw, damn. Hit." said Salthill.

---INTERMISSION FOR HAIKU---

Submarine often
Is the hardest one to sink
For some odd reason

-------------------------------

Mark Tupper resisted the urge to kick the battleship game halfway across the airplane, mainly because the crew would probably wrestle him to the ground, bind him with plasticuffs, and excite the tabloids.

Instead, he gave up trying to make himself heard over the roar of the winds and engines and vented his anger by violently reclining his seat.

Vonks Bemoans Loss In Three-Four Time

Vonkian Poet Laureate Anastasia Boguinskaya tapped into her muse after the 3-2 away loss to Jariss that displaced Vonks from the top two in their group on head-to-head tiebreaker, and came up with this load of drivel, entitled "Waltz to the loss of a football game, Vonkians!"

What did the Vonkians do to deserve such a
Beating in Jariss? We simply don't know.
Everyone thought that the team had the verve such that
Vict'ry would follow wherever we'd go.

Every away game we'd played since the tournament
Started had been a resounding success,
Now all of Vonks can just grumble and mourn/lament
Chances to let in a goal or two less.

Jariss's goals were three, Anderson's arms were three,
Vonkian strikers lined up three by three,
Three added minutes of time that Bob Harmsworth the
Bad fourth official saw fit to decree.

Newspaper journalists asked Henry Anderson
If he'd shake hands with the forward Li Chu,
Thinking a snap of the one- and three-handers one
That they could sell to a freak-show or zoo.

Luckily Anderson thought they were asking 'cause
He's a big star, not because he's a laugh.
After the kickoff he quickly attacking was
Only to miss seven times in each half.

Vonks played offensively, Gao at his very best,
Dodging past Panai, Lyani, Windu,
Goalkeeper Vindu, with foot, head and hairy chest
Guiding the ball like no other can do.

Gao scored the first but then Chu made things level (he'd
Come on for minorly injured Dawo)
Solo attack, his defensive team revelled "Lead
Jariss to victory, go, Li Chu, go!"

Vonks sought the lead again soon after fifty min,
Okpik and Anderson teaming to strike,
Octopus Anderson thought he'd been nifty in
Scoring the first goal he really would like.

Sadly it wasn't, the whistle had audibly
Halted the play for a foul on young Gao,
Several seconds before Henry "scored" but he
Wanted to score from the penalty now.

Feeling that winning was somewhat more necess'ry
Even than making his striker feel good,
Borr ordered Xiaoshan to not make a mess of the
Spot kick and sure enough Gao showed he could.

Henry punched Werner and Pål clobbered Tiriaq,
Most of the Vonkians joined in the fight,
Three were dismissed and the others fell deeply back,
Hoping defending would last out the night.

Jariss drew level again after eighty when
Chu scored a second from twenty-five yards
Yet still the eight men of Vonks held on greatly then,
Holding off Jariss despite the red cards.

Tragedy struck after ninety-two minutes, though -
Goa Kitii stuck a hopeful long ball,
Vonks's Tesinsky deflected in his net, so
All the heroics were vain after all.

Lo, what a night for the poor beaten players, then!
Beaten by Jariss when if we had won,
Reaching the Cup despite all the nay-sayers, men
Women and children, might well have been done!

Ah, but don't fret, cause we'll play a good friendly and
Then five more games which we might just still win!
Vonks is still hopeful that when it all ends we'll land
Top of the group with five wins on the spin!

Vonks's next game is a friendly against the Holy Empire's team of blancmanges which, manager Vasko Vaskoveyvanitsch says, will provide some much needed experience of playing against man-eating desserts that the team members who aren't consumed will be able to take into the second round of qualification games.

http://img177.imageshack.us/img177/3691/snpaperra4.png (http://imageshack.us)

Man with no knowledge of football fans behaviour plays down friendly violence fears

A well known and respected boffin who studies what triggers violence, particularly at sporting events recently outlined his fears for the upcoming SN Kose and the Turkomans match in Little Greece, and he is just one small member of the large amount of people to have declared such thoughts. The Superintendent of the Little Greece Police Force, Thános Néri, however remains to be convinced that there will be any flare ups at the match.

"I really don't see what everyone's so worried about to be honest. I can't see any reason for there to be violence when the Turks come to Little Greece. It's not as if Sorthern Northland and Kose & the Turkomans have any ill history between them and besides that time we went to war with Bostopia when has why we've held a football match been the cause of any violence? Sure the Turkomans have something of a reputation for violence in the past, I seem to remember something from when they played in the Baptism of Fire, but I think that was caused by overzealous policing more than them looking for trouble. They can be a bit of a handful for sure, but there just a lively bunch who are passionate for their team and country and like to express that and can get a little hot headed when they find something to disagree with or something they don't like. People have spoken about whether the police force here will be able to cope due to our small size and whilst it might be far to suggest that for a town the size of Little Greece our police force is a bit under-manned I won't be asking other police forces to draft in backup for us. We may be small but we're trained to deal with football fans and anything that may occur at football matches. I'm sure the evening will pass away peacefully and the Turkish fans will come here and enjoy our lovely little town. I envisage absolutely no problems at all and you can hold me to that.", Superintendent Néri announced to day at the Polices press conference.

It is certainly a bold statement to make. Particularly as almost anyone could tell you that Greeks aren't held with much esteem in Kose & the Turkomans, and after what fans would consider a poor first half of qualifying the last thing this nation needs is this match turning into a riot or street war between Greeks and Turks. This is Sorthern Northland not Cyprus after all. Match report on the match tomorrow providing our reporter doesn't end up in hospital and all means of communication from Little Greece to L'Internationale offices aren't destroyed.

RPs for mid-qualifying friendlies are now cut off.

Scores are now available here (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13774008&postcount=10).

Daehanjeiguk is taking over scorination for MD 6 through 8. There will be a 36-hour time gap between now and Matchday 6 scores, around 0230 UTC Thursday 19 June. Scores will be at or around 0230 for the upcoming three matchdays.

http://img187.imageshack.us/img187/8029/dailyturkpy7.png
Two Major deaths and Several Small.
Major General Dick O' Reilly's hideout in Kose and The Turkomans was recently captured by the army and O' Reilly arrested and the Body of Kevaughn O'Criomthain the ex Sothern Northland manager who was sent back with the K&TT Team to Sorthern Northland as a sign of respect however O'Reilly has been tried under Turkic law and has been punish by, in order: Stoning, Beating, Mass Shooting and then was made into a Poutine and sold to a Septentrionian.

Now onto the match, while it was played it was an amazingly even affair the Turks looked to have a slight weakness missing so many players but Riyahd al-Kosedium made several fantastic saves as Giṓrgos Karyōtákīs was knocking at the door for much of the first half, and in the one time the Turks entered the Sortherners half their 5000 fans who made the trip made themselves heard and Volkan Erkan was unlucky to have hit the bar.

It's the second half that spark the event that is on everyones lips at the moment, Giṓrgos Karyōtákīs looked to have scored and didn't realize that the referee had blown for offside and had made an offensive gesture to the Turkic fans resulting in a confrontation with Uzulmez, it was this that set fire to Little Greece and the Turks rampaged through the next minute resulting in the match being called off and a quick escape for Giṓrgos Karyōtákīs.

Little Greece set Alight
The Turks fans have made their reputation even worse in world football today as they horded the town of Little Greece which was, in all honesty sacked by the Turks with nearly everything being destroyed and the police overwhelmed, both teams had escaped from the Stadium quickly and all team members are safe without injury more on this in the next Daily Turk.

(continuation from the IBC) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=13774111#post13774111)

"Thank you Cassie! Now, we're off to just down the block at Granderson Stadium where Kenavt played Kansiov last night in World Cup 41 action. A recap will be following just after these commercial messages."

(commerical messages)

KMN Around the World with Bob Burnstein! *jingle*

"Hi, I'm Bob Burnstein, with your Around the World sport highlights!" *cheering* "However, our recap of Kenavt's World Cup 41 game is actually just down the street at our home venue-Granderson Stadium. Our World Cup reporter, Vance Verlosta, is there. Vance-are you in?"

"Yes, hello Bob. I'm Vance Verlosta-with a recap of Kenavt's game against Kansiov yesterday-in case you didn't catch in on KMN Sports, the number one sports channel in Kenavt! Last night, in this very stadium, Kenavt played Kansiov to a 2-2 draw, full of fast-paced action. Connor da Vincho for the home team scored the two goals on a cross and a breakaway on the Kansiov keeper for six goals on the tourney."

"This win boosted up Kenavt to fifth in the group, ahead of the Islands of Qatar after their 1-4 loss against number one in the group Demot. However, it will not be easy to get back into the race for the next round. They are seven points back of No. 25 in the world USC-JSY, No. 52 Kiryu-shi, and No. 108 Kansiov stand in the way of a berth to the next round. Good luck to Team Kenavt in the remainder of the Cup! Back to you, Bob."

"Thank you Vance. Now, we have the newest news from Kenavt Football Federation League play..."

POINT OF VIEW

Dave Hollow's Yaforite revolution
(And why we shouldn't have sacked him)
By Davey Thomson
Chief football correspondent

Remember Dave Hollow? Many of you probably won't, even though it's only been less than a year since the Ad’ihani Football Federation terminated his contract "by mutual consent" following the team's under-par performance at World Cup 40.

I don't doubt that the contract termination was mutual, especially since Hollow found a new job so quickly. This job, for those of you who're hermits, is as manager of the Yafor 2 national team. Some might say that's quite the downgrade, to go from a team that, under his leadership, finished in the top 16 of the World Cup two consecutive tournaments (quarter-finalists in World Cup 39 and a second round exit in World Cup 40), to a team that struggled to make it past the group stage of the finals — if they got there in the first place.

And yet, in five qualifying games this campaign so far, Hollow is four-for-five — with one draw — and has managed to carry over the apparent Ad’ihani magic up front to his new team. Yafor 2 isn't necessarily a well-known attacking power. But since Hollow took over, they've scored fifteen goals. That's a rather impressive return of three per game on average.

And he's managed to leave the poor defence he had to deal with at Ad’ihan behind — only one goal has been leaked by his new team since he took over. That goal was allowed in the 1-1 draw between Yafor 2 and its dependency, Yafalonia and Bazor 2. Pardon me for being Captain Obvious, but that means that in his four wins as Yaforite manager, he has no goals allowed to blot his record, with fourteen going in at the other end.

So how did he manage to pull it off? Ask any Yaforite football analyst and he will tell you that it was Hollow's decision to insert David Insfield into the starting lineup that has made the difference. This might come as a surprise — as Ad’ihan manager, you rarely saw Hollow make bold moves when it came to team selection (the World Cup 40 finals not counting, seeing how he was under immense pressure to try something different).

Speaking of pressure, though, the AFF, to an extent, had an influence over who Hollow picked. There were a few 'untouchables' — players deemed too worthy for the team such that not selecting them was impossible (ironically, goalkeeper and vice-captain Ben Ropes was one of them — he was quickly removed from the list by the end of WC40 qualifying, as you can imagine). This severely hampered Hollow's job.

Hollow's successor, Luke Evans (who took over for the Oxen CUP and still technically remains the interim team manager), did not have the same problems. Then again, Evans — a good personal friend of mine — is also the Director of Footballing Excellence at the AFF, and wields great power within the Ad’ihani football circle.

So Hollow left for new pastures. And with the latest result — Arroza nil, Yafor 2 six — he made his mark, and history as well, for 6-0 is the record biggest win in Yaforite history. He has revolutionised the Yaforite game at the national level, and in doing so proven why we were wrong to sack him.

Dave Hollow is naturally talented as a manager. When I look at his performances as Ad’ihani manager, I see someone who managed to take a mediocre team at best, over-confident from their quarter-final berth in WC39, and still guide them to reach the last sixteen a cup later. Unfortunately this was too little for the AFF.

Perhaps when, not if, Hollow wins the World Cup for another country, the AFF will realise their mistake. It will, however, be too late.

Davey Thomson is the chief football correspondent for Radio Ad’ihan International and the United Islands Daily. He has covered Ad’ihani football for the last 20 years, and is in the process of writing his newest book.

http://img177.imageshack.us/img177/3691/snpaperra4.png (http://imageshack.us)

Little Greece, big riots

Ok, I don't think this is actually news as everyone bar the local police chief had seen it coming, but Little Greece is now a warzone. Yep hardly the most surprising news ever but we're here to report what happens and now what is surprising and tonight Little Greece is engulfed in flames.

It seemed the only people in Little Greece not prepared for such scenes were the police who as we reported earlier felt there was nothing to worry about. Citizens had however taken a different view, with many "on holiday" this weekend. Shops, restaurants and bars meanwhile had drawn the shutters down and boarded up windows more in expectation than fear. The trouble started almost as soon as the first flight from Kose and the Turkomans arrived with the duty free section in the regional airport being looted for alcohol and cigarettes. When they're was no more alcohol to loot, one small band of foolish Kosenics found from plane fuel and burned the airport terminals shops to the ground. Sadly they didn't get themselves out of the way and perished in the fire along with several airport workers. This though didn't seem to alert the police who simply labelled the incident "a tragic accident, could have happen any place, any time."

Once the Kosenic fans made their way to the once quiet town of Little Greece, they didn't stop. Fights were picked with locals, (we should note here that the Greek locals were just as bad at starting trouble as the visiting fans), shops were looted, car were stolen and torched, Molotov cocktails were thrown anywhere and everywhere but although it was bad, it could have been a lot worse and it with fans from Kose and the Turkomans still spread out it was just in small areas that trouble flared and where it did local police dealt with it quickly and efficiently if not a little over zealously.

It was only once the fans had all congregated into the stadium and the match was well underway that the real trouble started. The Kosenic fans are well known for the passion and for creating intimidating atmospheres and Sorthern fans are not afraid to meet a challenged head on when met with one. In many other nations the home fans would simply wonder what to do with five thousand Kosenic fans all being as loud as they can. Had the Kosenics subdued the home fans into silence it would not have been the first time. However the Sortherners will always strive to be louder than the opposition and every Kosenic chant was met by an even louder Sorthern response which was met by a louder Kosenic response to which an even louder Sorthern response came and so on. This made for one hell of an atmosphere, if not a slightly intimidating atmosphere and the Kosenics of course pride themselves on making intimidating atmospheres, whether home or away. This was no different.

There is however a difference between an intimidating atmosphere and and a hostile one. Soon after midway through the first half it turned from intimidating to hostile, partly due to the Sorthern striker Giṓrgos Karyōtákīs. The local lad had come on fifteen or so minutes into the game following an injury to John Hernandez after he was scythed down by Sukur Saray. Karyōtákīs due to heritage and comments made in the press hadn't exactly endured himself to the Kosenics and he did little too improve his image with them in the game. The first half ended with a feeling of bad blood between the two sides rising with hard challenges particularly on Karyōtákīs flying in all other the place.

The fifteen minute break didn't do much to calm down those inside the ground as a few fans broke police lines to scuffle with fans of the opposing team. Five minutes after the break though all hell broke loose as Jua Huwang put a neat ball through for Karyōtákīs. Karyōtákīs though, obviously keen to score broke too early and was flagged offside as he slotted the ball into the net, he didn't hear the whistle and ran behind the goal to let the Kosenic fans know exactly what he thought of them by directing a few "wanker" gestures at them".

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Riot police throw tear gas at a Kosenic aiming a petrol bomb at Sorthern-Greeks

The referee sensing trouble immediately called an end to the game and sent the players down the tunnel. Not surprisingly the Kosenic fans were a tad unhappy with the celebration Karyōtákīs and charged onto the pitch to chase Karyōtákīs down. Although they didn't managed to catch him before he escaped down the tunnel, they managed to find a wide range of objects from pistachio nuts to seats to throw at him, and he has since been admitted to hospital for minor cuts and bruises . The Kosenic fans perhaps a little disappointed that Karyōtákīs got away and Greek-Sortherners unhappy at the Kosenic presence took little time in turning the city into a warzone and with the already small police force way outnumbered by people no longer bothered about the law had little chance of calming the tensions down. It has been announced by the government that the Army will be sent in to crush rioting but with Little Greece being well away from any major Army bases it will be some hours before the necessary numbers to take control will arrive.

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BOSTOPIA OFFERS TO SEND TROOPS TO SORTHERN NORTHLAND

“FOR PEACEKEEPING?” QUESTIONS ANSWERED WITH A HESITANT “YES” AT PRESS CONFERENCE

Following the civil unrest in Sorthern Northland's Little Greece, the Ministry of Defence has offered to send Bostopian troops into the area to quell trouble.

The rioting started as soon as fans of the Kose and the Turbofans (Turkomans – ed.) arrived in Sorthern Northland for the World Cup friendly match. However, after Karyōtákīs scored what proved to be a disallowed goal, the Kosenic fans directed so much aggression toward the Sorthern Northlander that the referee felt compelled to stop the match.

This of course angered the Kosenics, who proceeded to lay waste to the stadium,and gave the Emperor's “Throw a pistachio at the Dallas' and Sallads Campaign” a bad image by throwing pistachio nuts at the aforementioned Sorthern Northlander.

Unfortunately, while the armed forces have been called in to deal with the situation, they are not getting there fast enough. The donkeys in Sorthern Northland are on strike for better working conditions, and the Sorthern Northlanders are having to wheel in their troops one-by-one in the country's solitary wheelbarrow - commandeered from a potato farmer. The situation is made more complex by top military brass insisting that each wheelbarrow trip take a different route so that the rioters cannot pre-empt their movements and set up diversionary tactics.

Therefore, the Ministry of Defence has offered to send the best Bostopian troops into Sorthern Northland, to invade the areas held by foreigners and flush out any minorities causing unrest.

The Foreign Ministry piled furthur pressure on the Kosenics by calling on them to “Free Kebab”, who is apparently being held by the Daily Turk newspaper.

World Cup 41: Mid Qual Friendly

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/rennidan.png Rennidan : Starblaydia http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/starblaydia.png
0:2



Match Report:

Rennidan – Ladies and gentlemen, this is a match that I surely shall never forget. Yes, we lost, but it's just a friendly. Yet what a spectacle the match gave us.

To start with, it is a great feeling to see the Starblaydi side perform their Raiigar, their war dance, before a match. It is both awe inspiring and terrifying. I, who I would like to point out was sat several hundred yards away in the plush comfort of one of the Eagle's Nest seats, felt the sudden urge to make a run to the little boys room before I caused something which would forever earn the scorn of the Eagle's Nest cleaners. I wondered how it must have felt for the Rennidanian side down on the pitch, being almost nose-to-nose with the Starblaydi players. I wondered why they weren't bloody well running away.

And then I realized.

The Rennidanian side had come out in full Rennidan monk garbs. The deep green hoods covered their faces, which lead to the speculation that they were hiding out of terror. However, when the home side pulled their hoods down, we saw faces like the stone of the mountain we were upon. From Malkoa to Drentum, the entire Rennidan side had had their bodies and faces painted in the dark emerald green patterns our nation's monks have had tattooed to them for generations. Then came the chanting.

This, supposedly, is the first time, but not the last, the Rennidanian team has done something like this. And let me tell you, it sent shivers down this aging reporter’s spine. The team had obviously been preparing this for some time, and according to reports, they had each spent months with the monks to learn how to do the droning chants that make them famous region-wide.

And, let me tell you, I doubt the monks will be only famous in the region for much longer. The stadium itself, as it turns out, was built to amplify such chanting, causing it to reverberate throughout the entire structure. Mo Siv, as an ex-monk, took the lead, and as it ended, the team threw back their garbs to reveal the bright white and blue of the Rennidan home kit.

I couldn't believe it. The entire stadium was gripped. The folks who had come all the way from Starbladyia to support their team were wide-eyed and on the edges of their seats, and then it hit me. So was I. Even the Rennidanians, who had heard monks chant before, were sitting so close to the edge of their seats that any further and a vicious domino effect would break out.

The match hadn't even started, and we were already hooked on the drama.

The teams lined up, Starblaydia would kick off. Daymon Callind and Fenchurch Bentley were in the centre of it all. The whistle went.

And bam, we were off.

The Starblaydi side passed between themselves for the first couple of minutes, before taking a ferocious crack at the Rennidan defence. Jack Stafador started with a through pass down to Callind, who received, turned, and ran straight bang into Samual "The Wall" Fortal. Cries went out as Callind fell to the floor and Fortal booted the ball up pitch to Drentum, but there was little action from the referee.

Drentum nipped the ball to Mo Siv, who in turn back heeled it to Michael Ronnan. The young midfielder struck the ball 24 yards out, where it flew at the top right corner of the Starblaydi net. But Kostas Nikolaidis was having none of it, and wrapped his hands around it with an ease that proves he's a player of international calibre. Upset but not disheartened, Ronnan dropped back and began to play again.

Minutes passed before anything else of note came along, and with half time looming, both sides were getting desperate to score. Enter Jaime Kuu, and a staggering, weaving run through the Rennidan defence that left the crowd dizzy. His right foot draw back, and ba--Wait a second, he's been tackled. Micah Desono slid straight in and nicked the ball from the Starblaydi defender and, and, wow boy, Kuu is down hard. And, and... no, no wait, he's back up and back after the ball! The Starblaydi defenders exhale the large gasp they all just took in as play resumes and half-time looms on the horizon of this so far goalless friendly.

The whistle goes, and both teams acknowledge each other and press on to their respective dressing rooms.

I, meanwhile, nip off for that pee I've been holding in since the Raiigar.

As I return, happy and relieved (and smiling at the fact this stadium is the cheapest place in Rennidan for a pint, only a single Silver Crown?), the whistle blows and play recommences with a long play from Rennidan. Desono to Drentum, Drentum to Siv, Siv to Ronnan, Ronnan back to Drentum, who in turn takes a whopping shot at the Starblaydi goal, which hits the crossbar, bounces off, Siv heads it, Nikolaidis catches, Nikolaidis boots it, Bentley heads it further towards the home goal, Lubii does the same, Callind volleys it up slightly with his left foot, whips around and, oh deary deary me, slams an almighty shot past the Rennidan second-string Goalkeeper, Phillip Emms which causes an eruption from the Starblaydi fans and causes me to spill my lovely cheap beer.

So here we are now, 82nd minute and it is 1-0 to the away team. Ah well, it's but a friendly, and Rennidan still have a chance to equal out in eight minute--Oh, wait. Bugger. Where the hell did Nakamura come from there? The Starblaydi midfielder seems to have nipped through and nabbed the ball from Nicholi Drentum and, well, he's cracked it downfield to Daymon Callind, who, in turn, whacks it over to Kuu who... Ah. Nuts.

2-0 it is then.

Well...

Yeah, we're not coming back from this one, are we?

Ah well, well done to Starblaydia. You guys did good.


Scoring:
Starblaydia - Daymon Callind (Lubii) 82
Starblaydia - Jaime Kuu (Daymon Callind) 85


Booking:
Clean Match.

_________

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Rennidan: Matchday Six Preview.

RENNIDAN versus PRUX


Weather: ???

Expected Attendance: ???

Ooooh, look who has come back to play Rennidan! Except, this time, we're playing in Prux heartland.

This is the team, who, we here at Rennidan Sports Network would like to point out, called us a 'not so great team'. This here is the team who reckoned they'd be 3-0-0 by the time they played Bazalonia.

Yeah well phpppptttt and two fingers to you lot at Prux who thought that, eh? You're 5th, we're 2nd, so nyeh-nyeh to you.

On a more professional note, we'd like to point out this match will probably be a draw, as Prux's robotic ducks aren't half bad.

LIKELY OUTCOME: RENNIDAN 2 - 2 PRUX

Knights win two big games over the weekend

Last weekend the Purple Knights faced two big opponets in Nethertopia, and Daehanjeiguk. The first in a world cup qualifying match, and the second in a world friendly. The Knights would win them both by scores of 2-0, and 2-1 respectively. Both were i think away as the first game should have been in Nethertopia, and the second was nuetral technically away for both teams in Adihan.

The first game was expected to be the easier game, and the casinos were proved right as the veteran Purple Knights easily defeated the Nethertopion youngsters 2-0 in a muddy event. It rained from the beggining and the Knights used to the horrible weather conditions in Taeshan easily controlled the game. In the 34th minute the knights struck first on a nice lob into the box by Hele, to Doug Newier who scored his first ever goal in for Socki Lewis who is out due to injuries mantained in a barfight. The Knights would lead till the end. The second goal was scored in the 78th minute by a suprised Zeke Jr. who was just trying to clear the ball down the field, but somehow it curved into the goal that was just not even being watched by the goalie who was up on offense.

Then on sunday the Knights flew to Adihan to face the Daehanjeiguk sguad in a traditional mid-qualifying friendly. As is tradition the managers had had supper together the Knight before in a pub, and both came to the field with hangovers for the earlyy affair. At 8a.m. the game began and the just a bit older Daehanjeiguk team controlled the ball. There attacks on Tad Montague were numerous yet he held front, until an unknown defender of the Han's majically placed the ball behind Tad in the goal, and somehow the ref let it go.

In the second half of the game the real Purple Knight showed up and attacked the bewildered Dae team who have never seen us deliberately attack with the ball. It worked as Zeke Jr. passed in the ball from the side to Hele who stunned the goalie with a backwards kick into the goal to tie the game 1-1. Then later during the 87th minute the Knights struck with the decisive goal that gave them the win. Hele was standing just outside the goal holding the ball with his foot and passed it just out a little and Brian Ying Uing, the flyin Chinnan, slammed the ball into the back of the net with pristine precision. The Knights wouldn't need anymore goals as they won the game 2-1.

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Turkic Armed Forces to Intervene
The KAFOTE will send in 20,000 troops to "Protect the Kosenic Citizens effectively under siege in Sorthern Northland." The government has not asked permission from the Sorthern government to put troops in it's land. General Sukur Metin has said that "The Citizens will be protected at all costs" this has indicated that the incident may have resulted in a major falling out between the two governments. Also to add complexity to the situation Bostopia have issued a statement that they will aid Sorthern troops, while many are sure that this is the intention of the Turkic government also, they have not indicated as much and have trespassed on Sorthern territory with 1000 troops en route to the town of Little Greece. Sinan Kose was not with the squad but had heard about it on the news network and said " I feel that our fans are causing us a problem in a much wider area than Football, the way the fans are behaving may result in insulting stereotypes about the Turks, which I hear are already numerous."

Match preview Vs. Hockey Canada
Previous Result: 1-0 Win.
Form: L W L L W
Position: 5th
World Ranking: None
Form vs. Turks: L
Review: Tough to call with the Turks form being sketchy of late and with al-Kosedium in goal it will be a defensive team that plays tomorrow night.
Verdict: 2-0.

(Phone call pre- Vephrall match between Vilardi twins)

Jennifer: I'm in Vephrall now, I have the webcam set up, lined up perfectly with the bed. How's the reception?

Shannon: It's perfect. I should be able to capture incriminating photos with no problem. Just don't have too much fun.

Jennifer: Oh it's going to be a lot of fun. I can't until poor Ashley sees the pictures with me and him on a bed in Vephrall, *cough* enjoying ourselves. They'll surely break up, and I can swoop in and make him all mine. hahaha

Shannon: You cackled again!

Jennifer: I know. I like being all evil. I'm already to drug him so he passes out. He won't know what happens until he sees the pictures and then he can't deny it.

Shannon: Well you have fun, as long as one time we can do the secret twin sister swap and I can have my moment.


Jennifer: Sure thing, sis!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

(Post match)

Jennifer: Jeremy, I am so sorry to hear about the terrible thing that happened to your ring. Is everything ok?

Jeremy: No, not really. But thanks.

Jennifer: Do you know what happened to it? Are things ok with you and Ashley?

Jeremy: Things are fine with us. She didn't know I intended to propose to her, so she's not thinking that anyting is abnormal right now.

Jennifer: I see, so what are you gonna do now, this is horrible.

Jeremy: I ordered a replacement at the store I got the original at, it will be ready for me when I return to Putnam Lake. It's alright.

Jennifer: No... wait... you can't... isn't that a waste of money?

Jeremy: Nothing about Ashley is a waste of money. Besides, I make 8 million a year with the Eagles and get about another 20 million a year with endorsement deals, another half a million isn't really a big deal. In fact, I even spent a little more on the new one.

Jennifer: But... what would you do if the first ring showed up?

Jeremy: It's gone.

Jennifer: But what if... here I made you a drink.

Jeremy: Thanks, though I was about to go out with Drummy, so I'll have it later, ok? If the old ring showed up then whoever found it can keep it or sell it on the internet.

Jennifer: But.... I made the drink just for you.

Jeremy: I appreciate that, but I don't need to be picking up a DWI in Vephrall, Jenn. This is an interesting country, and Shawn and I wanted to check some things out. You're welcome to come with us. I think Brooker and Julie might tag along too.

Jennifer: Julie?

Jeremy: Yeah, why, you seem depressed?

Jennifer: I'm fine. Sorry, i just..... nevermind. You all have a good time.

Jeremy: Thanks.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

(Afterwards....)

McAllister: Hey Shawn, Jenn gave me this drink. It smells weird. She, seems weird.

Drummond: You think its the old groupie trick?

McAllister: Nah, she wouldn't do that, would she?

Drummond: Nah, she doesn't need to.

McAllister: You didn't see me do this (dumps the drink down the sink). Let's go.

SCOTTY: Sportscenter continues with friendly highlights of the match between Dancougar and Prux. It's significant, I think for a couple reasons, most notably that the sheer number of geeks contributing to tonight's ratings has never been higher. We have been blessed with this outside demographic because the two teams on the pitch are living, breathing...

KENNETH: Not literally.

SCOTTY: Rock 'em soccer 'em robots! Branded Roboducks III, the team from Prux accepted the challenge of a Professor Frederick von Steuben of the University of Helmut, who in his spare time has been tinkering with football-playing robotic chickens. And by tinkering with, I mean he made his graduate students do it.

KENNETH: Expectations were high for the team of widgety waterfowl, but Prux have gotten off to a slow start - only one win in their first five matches. Although, some think it was only to be expected. While the first Roboducks were fun for the whole family and untainted by the pressures of past success, and Roboducks II were half decent but starting to smack of greed and cliche, Roboducks III may just be a last gasp for a franchise that's lost what made it great in the first place.

SCOTTY: Are you sure you're not talking about something else?

KENNETH: HIGHLIGHTS! Game played at the University of Helmut, an eager crowd on hand to see what all the fuss is about. Robot football! Twelfth minute, the Roboducks get the first chance of the game, as Mumbo Duck gets a pass behind Omlettetop to Speedy MacDuck for the shot on goal... aaaaand it goes wide. Later, Mumbo springs the attack again, this time finding Speedy, who leaves it at the top of the box Dumbo... Dumbo drives it right into the metallic gizard of Petr Peck, who makes the save. The Hell Hens of Professor von Steuben get a decent chance near the end of the half, as Henaldo finds a wide open Miroslav Clucke, but his shot goes wide.

SCOTTY: Second half, and the home team flies ahead with this effort... Drumstick running on, and down he goes! Free kick, so here comes David Peckham... oh, and he's going to bend that sucker in from twenty three yards away. It's 1-0 to the Hens, and Dizzy Duck just couldn't follow it. This just in, machine vision is hard. Back come the Roboducks, as Cheapie plays a long ball upfield to Speedy... Barzeggli comes in with the challenge and whips the ball away! Gearlosse wants a call but isn't getting one, as Barzeggli's aggressive play at the back ruffles a few feathers.

KENNETH: You tried really hard for that.

SCOTTY: I did.

KENNETH: One last chance for the ducks; after Dizzy stones a low shot from Henaldo, it goes the other way. Quickie MacDuck has time, has space, holds off the challenge from Feathernand... and Peck makes the big save to preserve the win. It's 1-0 to the Hens, and whoever those lawyers up in the rafters are, they are are enjoying the result. Big hearty laughter, deep, from the belly, you know.

SCOTTY: Big evil boo-wah-hah-hah.

The Emperor is in his office in the Ministery Skyscraper. He is writing something on a piece of paper. It's probably an important law, or he is signing a vital resolution. None of those. In fact, he is just drawing... like a child. He is doing that because he is extremely nervous with what is happening in the country. Ray McKeen's proposal can end the Monarchy, and remove him from the power. And the truth is that the people, right now, is more likely to vote on the republic, electing McKeen as its governor.

The Senate is now reunited to approve the proposal, which was already approved by the Congress. Hector I doesn't have the powers to ask for the Ministery to vote on the proposal, as it was proposed by the Head Counselor. How bad for him, because he'd surely win any voting in the Ministery. McKeen found a breach in what seemed a perfect government, with no possibility of being destroyed.

He is drawing and thinking about his future. Can Cafundéu become a republic? It seems absurd, but close to happening. What about his allies? Why they don't try to help him in this battle against the public opinion? His family is giving support to him, and so do their ministers. But he needs more support.

Suddenly, he hears a noise. A very loud noise.

What did happen? Is it a protest? No, it's too loud, a simple protest can't make such a noise. Then, he remembers that there was a protest arranged for the evening. It should be happening right now. But, again, it is impossible for them to make so much noise with a protest. He stops drawing for a while and expects to hear the people shouting against him. But the noise is different. It's the police. Now he is worried, and calls his assistant, the Prince Rogério Van Tocco:

"Rogério, what did just happen? First that huge noise, and now the police?"

"I don't know father, I was working. But I'll check."

"Do it. Something doesn't seem right."

But Rogério didn't need to go outside the check the situation. One of the common workers of the Ministery Skyscaper started shouting:

"A bomb, a bomb was exploded in St George's Square! Oh my God, what a disaster! There are dead people outside! Dead people! The statue of St George and the Obelisk of the Cafundelense Emperors were destroyed too, police everywhere!"

The Emperor was shocked. A bomb attack in Cafundéu?

Rogério tried to calm down the man:

"Can you explain to us what has happened?"

"I don't know, my Prince. All I know is that a bomb was exploded in the square, few minutes before the protest against the Highness arrived there. There was a shooting, and then an explosion, and then the police took control of the situation. But this wasn't a happy ending, there are dead people!"

Rogério looks at his father. The Emperor stands up and orders:

"Call the leader of the police squad that took care of this situation. I need to know in details what has happened in the square!"

Few minutes after, Rogério returns with the police squad leader. Gisele Duarte, a thirty-six years old female captain of the police force. The Emperor greets her:

"Captain Duarte, that's it? I'll be direct: what has just happened in Saint George's Square?"

"A terrorist attack, my lord."

"What? But this is impossible. Cafundéu is a safe country, there aren't terrorist attacks here! People don't like to spend money in things that explode! Are you certain?"

"Yes, Highness. It was a bomb attack, made by a foreign terrorist."

"A foreign terrorist? But why?"

"We don't know. But we are sure that he was a foreigner, as one witness that saw the incident and survived told us that he spoke a strange language. According to what this witness said, this language seems to be one that is used by a minority group from Daehanjeiguk."

"How can you collect so much information from just a single witness?"

"It happens that this witness is General Lars Winnear, the Counselor-Minister of Defence. He has a big knowledge about terrorist groups, and has even a guess about which group attacked us... it's a name that I don't know how to pronounce well... it's Mujeonbugubu... something like this."

"I'll talk with Lars later, he will provide me the info. But talk to me how did the attack happen?"

"It seems that the terrorist was waiting for the protest against you to reach Saint George's Square."

"But the explosion was before that, wasn't it?"

"Thankfully yes. Otherwise, hundreds of people would have died. Someone noticed what did happen and tried to stop him, I believe."

"Someone stopped him?"

"Not exactly. I said someone tried to stop him... well, at least is what I think. Maybe he was just annoying the terrorist. Getting to the fact, the terrorist shot this man, for whatever reason. The shot alerted the police officers that were waiting for the protest to happen too, and they killed the terrorist?"

"And how did it explode?"

"Maybe it wasn't a resistant bomb... we aren't sure of why it did explode... but it did, after the death of the terrorist."

"The casualities?"

"Thirteen deaths. The terrorist, five beggars that were sleeping on the square, three police officers, two peasants, a prophet and a rabbit."

"Thankfully most of the killed people were beggars..."

"One of them was the one that stopped the man, because he was killed with a gunshot..."

"And the financial damage?"

"What? Well... two statuas severely damaged, the Saint George's one was completely destroyed, more than half of the Emperors' Obelisk was destroyed, and the grass died on the area of the explosion."

"That's bad, very bad. Thank you. Let the media do what they want to."

After she left, the Emperor decided to leave the Ministery Skyscraper. Ray McKeen stopped him before that:

"So, you had stopped a protest... killing people."

"Shut up, Ray, don't bother me now, I'm worried and nervous, stay out of my way."

He continued walking towards the entrance door of the building. McKeen didn't follow him. But the Senator Olivier Derrod appeared and said:

"Emperor, I want to talk with you."

"No time to hear complaints and accusations, sorry."

"It's not this. I want to support you in Paul Badder's case."

The Meice Journal - Archives

Eight injured, one dead at Uddaphyphose
4 July 1757

PENULS -- Despite the Vephrall national team's 2-1 victory over Kose and the Turkomans in a World Cup qualifier, the mood was still somber among Vephrese football fans as they heard the news that eight spectators were injured and one killed as a result of a fight that broke out between Vephrese and Turkish fans in Uddaphyphose's section 109. The deceased was identified as 31-year-old Ocilla Cilleng of Astenast. The other eight injured (five Turkish, three Vephrese) were treated at East Penuls Medical Center and released.

Increased security at Newmanistan match judged successful
20 July 1757

NETLAS -- Security was tightened at Ellime Apenbast for the World Cup qualifying match between Vephrall and Newmanistan in hope of preventing similar events to those that occurred in the previous match against Kose and the Turkomans that led to the death of a 31-year-old Astenast man. In addition, the home team all wore black armbands around their wrists in memory of Ocilla Cilleng. The security efforts were judged to be successful on the grounds that no such incident occurred this time, though one Netlas Police Department official who declined to give his name claimed that "Newmanistan fans just aren't as violent as [Kose & Turks] fans anyway."

The white and gold won the match 3-2, improving their record to 3-0-2 at the midpoint of qualifying.

Water restored to portions of downtown Meice, Journal offices reopen
6 August 1757

The recent water main break that has disrupted service to much of the city of Meice, including the offices of the Meice Journal, is now reported as "fixed" by the Meice Water Board. Residents remain under a boil water advisory through at least 9 a.m. tomorrow.

THE ROCKET REPORT

MID QUALIFYING REPORT CARD

Yes, its that time once again. Here now is our mid-qualifying report card for the Newmanistan players, and for coach Carson. We'll start with the man calling the shots.

Carson: With a few more breaks for the Rockets, or a few less breaks for the opponents, it is not unrealistic to think that Newmanistan could be sitting at 4-1-0 right now. But they're not, and the only games they've gotten points in are the games against the two bottom feeders. So close, and yet, very far. Grade: B-.

Hennis: Corey hasn't been bad in goal, and has one clean sheet to his name. He's made just about every save he should make, but you can see that he is a little raw at this stage. The veteran team from Vephrall did a good job in picking up on that. He had an A before the Vephrall game. Grade: B.

Brooker: Jeremy is a rock in the back end, and in his second tour of World Cup duty, he's establishing himself as one of the top young defenders in the world. He's done his part, but he's only one man. Grade: A

Borsinger: Tony's been beaten a few times for goals. Now, while we're not going to point blame on him, you just can't grade him as highly as you do Brooker. Tony has just got to play with more of a mean streak, and you have the feeling that the opposing coaches have seen enough of him now to know he can be soft. Grade: C+.

Chapman: The veteran stalwart has been his typical self, and has done a great job. If he were younger, you know that international teams would be knocking at the door of the Loudon defender. He just keeps getting better. Grade: A.

McCafferty: It's a little unfair to grade Mark has he has only played in three games. Well two and a half, really. After getting injured against Kose and The Turkomans, he did finally return for the Vephrall. You superstitious people, stop right now with your thoughts that Newmanistan is 0-0-3 with him in the lineup and 2-0-0 otherwise. Grade: Incomplete.

Parnett: The young 20 year old hasn't seemed lost in his first World Cup experience, and has done a good job both creating chances for his teammates and for himself. We'd like to see him be a little better defensively, but that is something that will come in time. Grade: B+.

Carrigan: There is no one on the team that does more for the Rockets and receive so little recognition for it. Every game, Kevin delivers great corners kicks and crosses. His vision and awareness is top class and he brings it every night. His goal was a bonus. Grade: A.

Prescott: Brett has historically gotten off to a slow start, but that hasn't really been the case here. Whoever did the talking to him is having it pay off. Brett has been outstanding bringing the physcality to the game, and is being very smart about it. He could give the Rockets a little more offense, though. Grade: B+.

Drummond: Shawn has created some chances and has had his moments, but of the three strikers, he does seem to be the one that opposing defenses are less concerned about. He hasn't used his speed quite as well as we think he is capable of. He's done alright, but can do better. (and isn't that just the entire story of the Rockets qualification campaign, in general?) Grade: B-.


Lewis: The captain has had a couple pretty good games, and has overall been solid. But has he been spectacular? Not really, again the theme of the Rockets. He hasn't been finishing off chances that he has created like he should be, and that is the real setback to him. He is the captain, and the captain needs to be held accountable when things aren't going quite according to plan. Pick it up a little, Kevin. Grade: B-.

McAllister: It's not a surprise that McAllister is leading the Rockets in scoring at the midway point. His hat trick against Hockey Canada demonstrated his ability to dominate games. And even in the games he hasn't scored in, such as the game against the Turks, he has done a great job making chances and creating a ton of energy for the team. He is trying to carry the team on his back. Game in, game out, you can count on J-Mac. But he is only one person. Also, with the way things are going, don't be surprised if he is the captian in World Cup 42. Grade: A.



Subs & Reserves that have seen playing time

Harrison: Michael was the beneficiary of McCafferty's injury, getting the starts in his place. Newmanistan won both of those games and allowed just one goal combined in them. He also played well late in the game against the Turks. Grade: A-

Secrist: Shawn has seen action in three games, but only averaging a little over 20 minutes per game. He's been responsible, but it is worth noting that Harrison was originally behind him on the depth chart. Grade: B.

Peterson: Forget the play against Vephrall for a moment. Up to that point, Chris still didn't really establish himself as well as you would hope, making you wonder if a substitute role just isn't for him. You have to keep in mind that he was intended to be the team's top substitute. Now, factoring in the play against Vephrall, and this Cup has been a giant disappoint for Chris. Let's hope he turns it around. Grade: D.

McElroy: Julie has only seen action twice, against Sqornshelous and against Hockey Canada, but didn't do any thing of in either contest. Though it is hard when you're only averaging 15 minutes in those games. Julie's got a big game around the corner, you can feel it. Grade: Incomplete.

Boland: Shawn got some minutes late in the United Hetzel game, but was a non factor. Grade: Incomplete.

OLORUM - "So, can you tell me if the people from Terreiro de Ogum have returned to be faithful to us?"

IEMANJÁ - "There has been some improvement, real God Olorum. Our messenger has already showed them how they can rediscover their true potential, balancing natural ability, spiritual power and faith on us."

OLORUM - "Very poetic. But I want to see the practical results of this."

XANGÔ - "Well, they are having some good performances in the World Cup so far, even drew with Bostopia."

OLORUM - "What's Bostopia? I don't care about what happens in football or in other nations! I want to know if they returned to devote themselves to us, if they have faith on us!"

EXÚ - "Yes, their faith on us has been increased."

OLORUM - "Good. And what about the rituals? The offerings? Are they making more rituals in order to enter in contact with us, to ask for our help?"

NANÃ - "Master... er..."

OLORUM - "The rituals aren't being made with more frequency?"

XANGÔ - "No."

IEMANJÁ - "They are depositing all their faith in our messenger, and because of that aren't making so many rituals like before. The chickens are being even able to reproduce, and there is cachaça for everyone to drink!"

OLORUM - "Unbelievable! So it's all going wrong! We must act now! Tell our messenger that he can only play when we let him do it. And we'll only let him do it if the country makes enough rituals to praise us."

OGUM - "That's the spirit! Let's show them who is in charge!"

The Emperor Hector I wakes up. One day before, an unbelievable incident happened in Cafundéu. A bomb attack in the centre of Cafundó do Juta, near the government buildings. He just wants to forget this. He wants to forget the attack, the wants to forget Paul Badder's murder, he wants to forget McKeen's proposal, he wants to forget the fact that he lost his watch yesterday, he wants to forget the fact that the General Lars Winnear is seriously hurt after the terrorist attack...

These are really bad times for the monarch. He kisses his wife and leaves his room. Breakfast is waiting for him. His daughter, the Princess Alice (known as Alicia in the international media), who is also the Governor of the Juta State, is already finishing hers. She is very popular in the country, the people loves her. The Emperor would give everything to have her popularity right now. She is influent, efficient, pretty and knows how to deal with the people. He knows that her support will be important in his struggle to keep the Monarchy. He adresses her in a shy way:

"Alice, my dear. What should I do? I don't know what to do, I'm lost. I need help. I'm alone against the whole country."

"Father, this situation is very complicated. We must put our hopes in the AEICC. If they find something before the pre-elections voting, we'll have our chances increased."

"And if not?"

"Then we'll have to make a radical change in order to keep the Monarchy."

That wasn't very enlightening...

He looks at his television... a very big one, by the way. A news program. He already knows about what they'll talk about:

...Yesterday, Cafundéu was the place of a terrorist attack. Yes, a terrorist attack, believe you or not. A man killed a beggar, exchanged gun shots with the police and was killed. Seconds later, a bomb exploding, killing ten people and a rabbit. The police says that the terrorist, according to information given from an important witness and according to his physical details, is ethnic Han. The Empire is contacting the Daehanjeiguk Empire to receive more information about the terrorist, to see if he is identified...

"We still didn't contact them, we'll do it today..."

...this is another chapter of the confusion that is happening in Cafundéu after the murder of Paul Badder. The AEICC still didn't release any information that could reveal the identity of the murderer or other vital details, and the population of Cafundéu constantly make protests to complain against the Empire, or to complain against the ones that complain against the Empire. To add more confusion to the situation, the Senate has approved a plebiscite, that will define if Cafundéu will become a republic. Our country can't become a war zone. We must mantain our calmness and wait for justice to happen. Terrorists have never invaded Cafundéu before, and soon the international governments will act, or helping the Empire, or don't buying its products, which can really harm the economy...

The Emperor didn't want to hear it anymore. He went to the Ministery Skyscraper. In the reception, Senator Olivier Derrod was waiting for him:

"Emperor..."

"Oh, that's you. So, why do you want to support me? Aren't you an enemy of the Monarchy?"

"I am, as much as I am an enemy of a possible dictatorship. And I know that McKeen is using the plebiscite to rule the country and later estabilish one."

"That's what I think too. So bad that the people can't see this."

"I can try to make them do it. The poor people like me."

"They'll start to dislike when you start supporting me."

"Maybe. But they won't forget what I've made for them."

"You're a communist, Derrod. You can't support the Empire."

"I won't support the Empire... I'll talk against the dictatorship... another person will speech in favour of the Empire, I'm certain of this."

"Who can help me in this way?"

"How can you not think about it? Someone popular and linked to the Empire!"

"Who?"

"Your daughter."

"We interrupt this party propaganda broadcast on SNTV1 to bring you a statement live from the office of President Jimmy Sheridan."

"Fellow Sortherners, fellow Comrades, I'm sure you are all aware of the disturbing scenes that have prevailed in the town of Little Greece this afternoon and this evening. Unfortunately our security forces were unprepared for the troubles that flared up and due to various reasons the local police force rejected backup.

After the violence started the government took it upon ourselves to take immediate control of security in the town and an army battilion was despatched to the town. Due to the huge distance they need to travel to get there it will be some time before they arrive and it seems the armed forces of Kose and the Turkomans who we believe were hiding on the border close to the town have taken it upon themselves to go into the town to calm the situation.

I must make it clear that they did not ask or get permission from us to do so and as such we see this as an invasion attempt and are now in a state of emergency. We have had an offer of assistance when Bostopia which has been accepted and their armed forces will be arriving in the town shortly.

We have also dispatched an extra one hundred-thousand of our owns troops to the town to dispatch the Kosenic forces in the town. If Kosenic forces aren't out of the town and country within half an hour then we will have no choice but to accept their declaration of war and drive them out by force."

There was a knock at the door. Someone frantically typing at a laptop stopped only once to check out the door. He gazed out from his simple cot, waiting for the second knock. Hearing nothing, he continued to type frantically.

It was a hot and humid day, just one day after the bombing in St. George's Square. Things have been rather unsettled for a little time. The natural whodunnit started up an underground witch-hunt, with most of the fingers supposedly pointing at the Emperor. After all, the bomb blew up just before a massive protest was to be held against him; maybe the Emperor was looking to use terror to put the people back into check? Certainly, the loudest voices were calling for the immediate abolition of the monarchy, but some cautious folk were still wondering if the Emperor was responsible for anything at all. A little bit of bad luck was riding on his low popularity scores. All it would take was one more straw perhaps before revolution was at hand?

The door blew wide open, and a flurry of police stormed the room. Before the man had a chance to fire back, he had about 15 bullets in him. At his hand were two pistols and a SMG rifle; the police were quick to knock him out before he could retaliate. They quickly secured the room.

"Lieutenant, the coast is clear."

Lieutenant David Moreira entered the room, as bomb squad members still surveyed the room for trinitroglyercin traces. It was a small shack outside the dense metropolitan area, a predominantly poor neighborhood. Since the attack in St. George's Square, the police and security forces had been tracing every footstep in the country. A particularly large order for sulfuric and nitric acids (all glacial) caught their attention, and it brought them to this neighborhood, where they followed the fingers of the local peasants to the house of the Han. Two poor men, supposedly; they came from abroad, claiming to be journalists writing about the conditions of the poor in Cafundeu. After several weeks, they began buying large supplies of weird items: chemicals, wires, plants, and the occasional rubber gloves; all of them precursors to the bomb at St. George's Square. None of them were illegal items, which made the tragedy all the more infuriating; no one was looking in this direction.

Lieutenant Moreira followed the squad leader as they surveyed the information. Most of it was in a language that was beyond their comprehension, but the plenty books of Cafundelense dialects indicated that the attackers were looking to learn the language on the spot. Crime scene investigators began taking photos immediately. On the back wall was a flag, bearing the insignia of the Mujeongbu: a slightly off-set yin-yang symbol, with the yin in the dark red of anarchy, and the yang the customary black. All of the things would be taken out for evidence.

"Lieutenant, this one was using the laptop," one of his technical persons remarked. "The bullets missed the mainframe, but the monitor is shot to death."

"Take it. And take the flag too."

The recovery team took the items of particular interest, when one of them noticed a pipe connected to the sitting stocks of the two acids. He traced it up the walls and saw the pipes leading into the ceiling. He immediately cried to the Lieutenant, "It's in the ceiling!"

Before anything else could be done, the building exploded in a massive fire ball. Splintered wood scattered for several hundred meters, and virtually every person the shack was obliterated. The neighboring houses were caught in the blast, and with their weak frames, several walls fell out. It was a serious set-back. The primary witnesses were now all dead. But among the wreckage was a single camera, damaged although not destroyed. Perhaps the photos were still viable?

http://img441.imageshack.us/img441/5337/snpaperyb7.png (http://imageshack.us)

Sorthern forces advance on Little Greece


It was only a matter of time really and seven games in and the promise not to go to war has been broken. Although to be fair it isn’t our fault this time after Kosenic forces tried invading, I mean we can’t just sit there going “Oh we’re being invaded but we said we won’t go to war so we won’t defend ourselves” can we?

No we defiantly can’t, and after Kosenic forces missed the deadline to remove themselves from Sorthern soil, the Sorthern government has officially declared it is now in a State of War “for the purpose of defence”.

http://img370.imageshack.us/img370/989/darthvaderstarwarsct4.jpg (http://imageshack.us)
Major General Dave Vay-d’Or (in the middle) is in charge on the Sorthern advance on Little Greece

A number of troops were already on their way to Little Greece to quell rioting in the town, and around one hundred-thousand more have been dispatched since Kosenic forces invaded. An estimated quarter of a million more troops are reported to be on stand by and to be ready to report for war duty within three hours notice.



Bostopian troops have also started arriving in the town having somehow found an airstrip out of nowhere to land their planes on. It has also been noted that Bostopian forces seem to pick up a sense of direction in a foreign place strangely fast. Kosenic forces and citizens are already said to be disappearing in reasonable numbers.

http://img259.imageshack.us/img259/5888/dc01phmarchyi0.jpg (http://imageshack.us)
A squadron of Sorthern Army Marines march towards Little Greece.

Jeruselem Government News

Southern Northland fans hassled by locals Turks

Following the violence in Little Greece in Southern Northland, between Kose and The Turkomans and the locals - the violence has spilled between SN and Turks in Jeruselem too. There aren't a lot of SN fans in Jeruselem but there are lot of supporters of the Kose and The Turkomans here (mainly local Turkish-born Jeruselemites).

Government spokesman Princess Marie-Antoinette Dallas said
"There seems to be mobs of bored youths looking for trouble. They seem to be seeking out Southern Northlanders, who can be distinguished by the amound of Pistachio nuts they carry. We condemn this action and we are working to make sure Southern Northlanders feel safe in Jeruselem. It's well known Jeruselem doesn't like Turks all that much as they used run this place until they got kicked out. Hopefully Bostopia and Southern Northland settle their issues with Kose and The Turkomans before they turn Little Greece into a pile of rubble. Maybe it wasn't such a great idea to play the Turks in a Greek town."

Zwangzug's national football broadcasts are probably known for nonsensical non sequiturs, spreadsheet-empowered pointlessness, and pronunciation failures. The announcers' blathering belies the fact that there are, in fact, graphics on screen. And if there are graphics on screen, there are people to create them...or fail trying...

"...Contra the assistant captain of the Orion Star Empire, perhaps patterned after their ice hockey team's success..."

"Come on," said one of those people to another, "we should find some sort of graphic for him."

"But he's a defender."

"So? What do you put up there? Not number of goals-how do you quantify it?"

"We could do caps."

"How many hats he has? Personal information, sure, but isn't that a bit random? Or is it even in the media guide?"

"You know what? I'll handle this one."

"Too late, it's past him. Maini's got the ball."

"Maini shoots-and scores! 1-0 Zwangzug!"

"...We should put up information boxes showing which team is which."

"Zwangzug are the ones trying to shoot the ball this way and the Orion Star Empire is trying to shoot it the other way?"

"Well, yeah. But the colors they're wearing."

"Oh. Well, Zwangzug are the ones in the white, with the black stripes. And the Orion Star Empire is in their ediraf kits, quite pleased with them."

"Excellent. Can you put that in the box?"

"The question is whether there's enough black in the Zwangzug kits to force the visitors into their third kits."

"Well, you could maybe, I don't know, look at the screen and tell?!"

"Yeah but it's so blurry..."

"Goal for Vanderpent! And Zwangzug doubles the scoreline!

"...Instonenext's coming out of the game now it looks like, Kaur's coming in."

"Well find something to put for Instonenext."

"I thought we just said, there aren't a lot of good stats for defenders."

"Well, the visitors are a defensive team, they should have some."

"Pass percentage?"

"Nah, how about...number of kilometers run during the game?"

"Kilometers?"

"Spell it with an e r."

"What about miles?"

"Fine. Miles. Just hurry up!"

"But how do we know how many?"

"Um..."

"There's not a tracking chip on her?"

"No, that would be a violation of civil liberties."

"Ah, you know what, too late, she's already gone. Play's restarted."

"No it hasn't, it stopped."

"Well yeah that's because Sharma scored a goal."

"Oh. Okay then."

The Bostopian peacekeeping taskforce was rolling gently in the ocean waves outside of Sorthern Northland's waters off her eastern coast.

“Admiral! The word has come through, we're at war with Kose and the Turbofans!”

“It's Turkomans. Also, right-o, TALLY-HO! PLAY THE WAR MUSIC!”

From above the captain, the sound of jet engines roared overhead.

“Identify yourself!” The Captain screamed into the radio.

“Ladies and assorted other navy personnel,” the man on the other end responded, “this is Air Chief Marshal Fenrick, of the Emperor's Own Regiment!”

It was at that moment that most of Sorthern Northland suddenly seemed to bolt upright. Did someone just say Emperor's Own Regiment?

At an airfield in Little Greece, which had been built the last time Bostopian soldiers ventured into Sorthern Northland, the Emperor's Own Regiment was busy unloading equipment.

A large multi-engined aircraft landed. The rear door lowered out onto the grass next to the landing strip. Out rolled a tank.

--Some hours later--

Members of the Armoured Corps within the Emperor's Own Regiment had gone on an “excursion” to Beningrad, where they had taken to the usual business of stealing road signs and tearing down Communist banners.

“Sergeant Denfeld!” Field Marshal Denfeld yelled, stepping out of his staff car.

“Sir?”

“What are your men doing?”

“Taking down banners the Communists had put up on their advance, sir!”

“You do realise they're on our side, Sergeant?”

The three troopers who had previously been pulling down banners, Higgins, Jeffreys and Reane, turned to look at Field Marshal Denfeld.

“Sae,” Jeffreys started, “wharht yer sahyin ees thaht werrae nae sapposedta taake doown thaese haer bayners?”

“No, Jeffreys, no we're not.” Denfeld replied.

“So we're in trouble?” Higgins asked.

“Quite possibly. Though I do have a solution.” Trooper Reane replied.

“Oh yes?” Sergeant Denfeld asked, looking at the hatch on the top of the tank.

“JIMMY DO ONE, BRUV!”

Looking in from the outside... Dancougar News!

Well, we knew it would happen eventually. Southern Northland, always walking the tightrope of peace and war, has finally exploded into open conflict. And - are we surprised by this either? - it came as the result of a football match. To those who went 'over' on four games until Southern Northland got into a war, congratulations. After several weeks of attempted peace talks, agitation, and projectiles aimed at women and children, it seems we finally must brace ourselves for a war between Southern Northland and Jeru...

Hold on, wait. KOSE AND THE TURKOMANS? The hell? Somebody get me everything we have on that place! They're the versus Newmanistan guys, right, that have that awesome prince slash center forward. THEY'RE in the war? Oh man, hold the phones and stop the presses.

"Got 'em!"

Okay, good. So... heh... oh man, that was totally unexpected. So wait, the newsticker's getting to it... okay... fan trouble, disputed call, fan rescue. Okay, come on, this has to be fake. There's no way this is right. Kose and the Turkomans invade Southern Northland, and then BOSTOPIA sends peacekeeping forces?! No. What feed is this?

"Dude, I can't hold them much longer!"

Just a few more minutes!

"There's an awful lot of presses here!"

We're receiving word from the government that this is a legit story! The king has condemned the Turkic military response, as well as the recent terrorist attack in Cafundeu. Augh, this is crazy, we completely forgot about the revolution brewing there! It seems no nation is safe from the chaos! Run the fear graphics! This is big!

MBC International Presents!

The World Tonight

The World in Briefs

Terror Rocks Cafundéu!

Yesterday, terrorists put out a brief scare in Cafundéu, as guns and bombs went in the capital near the government centers. The terror began as protesters against the standing monarchy assembled on the capital square, when a single gun shot went off. Seconds later, guns were being fired in all directions. Before the protesters could assemble, a bomb exploded, damaging several edifices, killing 10 people and 1 rabbit. The total number of casualties is yet to be determined, but compared to recent calamities in the world to terrorists, it comes across as rather mild.

The assailant was identified as an ethnic Han, which has brought up the reviled anarchists into probable cause. Terrorist attacks in Candelaria And Marquez were similarly caused by several assailants, but the identity of these attackers remains in question even to this date. And of course, everyone remembers the Casari football stadium attack that killed thousands of people, including 700 of His Imperial Majesty's citizens abroad. It seems that the recent spur of Mujeongbu - which can be literally translates as "in absence of government" - attacks, or attacks currently attributed to them, has been of concern for the Imperial Cabinet, who has assembled in the wake of these attacks. Comments from the Cabinet or from the Cafundelense goverrnment have yet to be released concerning the attack.


Shit Hits the Fans!

After a heated football match in Little Greece, a portion of Sorthern Northland named after some mythical land, ethnic Turks from Kose and the Turkomans began riots, pummeling Sorthern Northlanders with pistachio nuts, even as the prices for these nuts continues to race exceptionally high in areas outside of the Han Empire. In lieu of the attacks, the Sorthern Northland army assembled to stop the riots, after which the Turkomans stated their intention to occupy the territory and assure peace for their citizens. They have already sent 1000 troops to Sorthern Northland according to recent military intelligence.

In other news, Bostonia has stated its intention to send troops to Little Greece, although the reasons for doing so have not been thoroughly explicit. It seems that they are still wary over the past war between the two states. A quick and palatable resolution seems unlikely in the circumstances.


Invest in Pistachios!

Our market watch suggests that pistachios are going to be a prime item for investment in the near future. After prices rose astronomically in the wake of various states' decision to use them as minor projectiles, pistachios have become a high-value item. The wave has yet to hit the Han Empire, where citizens are currently appalled at the obvious waste of perfectly good food. But farmers in the Han Empire have taken at a great opportunity to make a profit, selling their nuts in the international market.

Recently, Hanjin has offered farmers options in transporting and exporting their nuts, while food conglomerate Dusan has increased exports of pistachios in the past few weeks. Some analysts are concerned that the shift of domestic to export-driven pistachio markets might pull up the price at home, but Dusan executives are keen to keep prices low for Imperial citizens, stating, "Our profits from overseas markets should compensate for the price discreptancy. Of course, there might be a few shortages." News of increasing prices has nonetheless been troublesome for pistachio lovers abroad, who have resorted to urging relatives in the Empire to begin mailing Han pistachios to save on nuts.

OOC: If we're going with the RP bonus being pivotal then my exams have condemned me to a season without a hope of WC football :(

It has been a disappointing start to world cup qualifying for the Alversian National team, with just one win in five games and four goals in that time. However, despite all this, the Alversian Coach believes that it is still possible for Alversia to come back and, at least, give a good account of herself during the second stage of the qualifying campaign. The Alversian team has suffered a bout of 'England syndrome' and have not been performing to their full potential. Players such as Michael Reynolds and Ciaran Reid have suffered on the big stage although now it is hoped that, with a little more playing experience under their belts, they will be able to use this to push forward and aquit themselves well at the top level of Football.

With their last match being a 2-1 victory over Kosovoe, ironically, representing half of all Alversian goals scored during the campaign to date, the general hope is that the team will build on this and take it to the next stage against teams such as Jeru FC and West Starblaydia, both of which inflicted heavy defeats on the smaller Alversian team earlier in the campaign. With injuries to some of Alversia's main players have also caused problems for the coach as he has been unable to field a team for two consecutive games. However, these are all in the past and hopefully Alversia will be able to look forward to some better football than what she has been forced to suffer in the first stage of the tournament.

THE ROCKET REPORT

SECOND HALF OBSERVATIONS

Loudon, Newmanistan- So, pretty soon we will be beginning the second half of qualifying for World Cup 41. It will start in Loudon when the world's mysterious fourth ranked team, the Sqornshelous whatevertheycallthemselves will grace Empire soil. At 2-0-3, Newmanistan needs to find a way to get, at minimum, a draw, but really what they need is a win. Clint Peterson believes it can happen based on this comment on a recent Pocono City talk show, "Newmanistan has played better then their record appears and Sqornshelous has not been impressive as their record indicates, in my opinion. With them coming here, if the Sqornshelians continue to believe they can waltz on through qualifying, and if Newmanistan comes out playing with nothing to lose, knowing that they need to find a way to win, then the Rockets will end up with three important points." The optimism is nice, and while Sqornshelous has done a good job, they did only draw with United Hetzel. Yes, not Vephrall. Not Kose and The Turkomans. United Hetzel. If United Hetzel can do it, then why can't Newmanistan? In World Cup 40 qualifying, the Rockets pivotal win that turned a slow start into a late charge that saw them come to being just the away goals rule away from qualifying for the World Cup in their first effort, came right here in Loudon, when they defeated Kelssek. Tundra Falls has the reputation, but the Jungle, as Loudon Stadium is called, has been friendly so far to Newmanistan's national teams.

Then, they will head to Kose and The Turkomans. We were a little more excited about that game a while ago then we are now. Because instead of it being a great football atmosphere with tons of Newmanistanians making the trip like the Turks did to Pocono City earlier, the land of Kose is involved in a Star Wars reinactment with Sorthern Northland. Oh, so you say it's a real war? Interesting. Apparently Kose and The Turkomans has done something to piss off Sorthern Northland and Bostopia. Well lets see, we're probably still on good terms with Bostopia. And Sorthern Northland? Well, we don't really have a history with them. Our players should not be targets in this war, though. The fans? Who knows. If you're going to Koseland, bring a Star Wars suit, or any other body armor you might be able to find. We hope that the Turkish government will do everything they can to ensure the safety of all of our travelling supporters or else we might just, nah, I don't think the Empress wants to get involved. But she just might if any incident occurs in which Newmanistanian fans are harmed. There will be a football game there, and in that game, Newmanistan needs to win to avenge their prior defeat.

So then we hit the ice with Hockey Canada. We'll take them. After all, which one of us was in the World Cup of Hockey? Exactly. United Hetzel at the Proving Grounds? That'll occur in a pivotal spot, and I don't think the Rockets will choke. Newmanistan needs to pick up six points against these teams.

The second half closes with Vephrall at Southport Stadium. It will be the first World Cup qualifying game played in Southport, but due to the renovations made at the Stadium, the Empress now found it more worthy then Olympia field. The Rockets played Vephrall fairly well on the road, but in the end they came up short when it mattered. Perhaps home field advantage will make a difference this time. We have heard countless times people saying that Newmanistan could have gone 4-1-0 if you're really ambitious, or 3-2-0 during the first half. Coulda, shoulda, didn't. Now, in the second half, they need to go 4-1-0 or 3-2-0 to end up with a record of 6-1-3 or 5-2-3. Should they get 21 points, they should sneak into second, though 18 probably will not be enough to get a top two spot. We do know one thing though. It has to be better then the first half, or else the Rockets will not come as close as they did four years ago.

The Financial Review

Dallas Enterprises gets boost from nut wars

An ironic outcome of sudden bubbling of Pistachio nut price increase is the boost in share price of Dallas Farms. As big investor in Jeruselem's food supply, Dallas Farms provides 50% of Jeruselem's Pistachio nuts in total. Dallas Farms share price was about 10.93 Shekels but is now about 39.10 Shekels. Dallas Farms also supplies the Jeruselem snack food market with other kids of nuts which have also gone up in price as consumers stop eating Pistachios and switch to cheaper alternatives.

Farm manager and former World Cup coach Sark Kozy said
"We're working as hard as possible to feed the market but demand is such, we need double output. We've put on more workers to pump out the nuts but the trees can only produce so much per tree. We are even resorting to importing nuts from places like Ariddia. I find it strange all this because people want throw nuts are our bosses."

To make things worse, Arab Pistachio farms have refused to sell their nuts to Southern Northland and Bostopia after the incident in Little Greece, hence the Dallas farms are making an huge fortune in nuts via exports.

One analyst said
"People maybe throwing nuts at the Dallas girls but in reality they aren't to drown in nuts - but more like swimming in money."

A recent ad for Pistachio nuts featured a naked Jacinta Dallas jumping out a bathtub full of Pistochio nuts.

QSPN.com Match Report

Qazox 1- Ad'ihan 2 (@ Daehanjeiguk)

Scoring:
Qazox- Jaus: 52'
Ad'ihan: 26', 61'

Bookings:
None

Fouls:
Qazox: 15
Ad'ihan: 9

Corners:
Qazox: 7
Ad'ihan: 8

<Dancougar, just before the final whistle>

Lawyer #1: Damn I'm glad!

Lawyer #2: Gearlosse's ducks lost to robo-hens and the moron doesn't even know we sold a stolen copy of his plans for ROBODUCKS V2.0.1 to Dancougar just in time for this match.

Lawyer #1: Well the part about how to bet them, not to replicate them.

Lawyer #2: Well von Stuben isn't an idiot, but as long as Gearlosse's team continues to fail, we can regain control over the PFA again. Damn #3, #4 and #5!

Lawyer #1: Like I said before, glad those idiots are dead.

<Both continue to laugh as the final whistle blows a 1-0 win for Dancougar>

SCOTTY: Five down, five to go. Qualifiers are half over, and when we finish up in a few weeks time, players on thirty teams will be living a dream. For others, though, the long wait to World Cup 42 will begin in earnest. Lots of teams are in the hunt, and football has a strange way of making you sweat until the last whistle blows. Steve Teebone joins us now to break down the first half and offer his thoughts on the second, and Steve, the Black Wings got off to the start they wanted. But they've gone above and beyond, I think, where people thought they would be at this point. Four wins and a draw, three points clear of Az-cz in group three.

STEVE: They've been getting results, Scott, plain and simple. They caught a lot of flak for slow starts against Newmanistan, Az-cz, and Green Wombat. But only the Rockets were able to close. The Wings have been heating up as games go on, and three wins on the road are absolutely huge. And when you look at their body of work, you have to think - hey, they might not be playing their best football yet. But they still have a tough test in these first two matches back from the break. Az-cz at home and Green Wombat away... to me, it's not impossible to see the Wings come out of this with only a point, maybe none. And here's why. Az-cz are on a roll since that opening loss to the Wings. They've rattled off three wins and a draw since then, and are starting to look pretty good. They know what's at stake, and would love to return the favor when they come to the National Stadium. And Green Wombat are a better team than their record indicates. Some bad losses, sure, but the draws against Dancougar and Az-cz... hey, this team is a bounce or two away from blowing the group wide open. On their home field, they will pack it in and challenge the Wings to play aggressively.

SCOTTY: The top two teams in the group will advance to the World Cup, and most analysts think that if the Wings can get eight points from the last five games, it might be enough.

STEVE: Dangerous thinking, though. They've got a six point cushion over the Blouman Empire right now, but that's definitely not safe with five matches left. The Wings have to treat this second half the same way they did the first. Start from nothing and go for broke, and to do that, the Wings have to give goalkeeper Yuji Watanabe a little more help on defense. Casey Berber and Brandon Barclay have played pretty well, but Weatherford and Yukikaze have been giving up space to opposing forwards, more than they should. And Berber's only notable contributions have really been on offense, so that's one guy out of four who's doing his job. And that's not going to cut it. I'm looking at the bench - maybe Chris Princeton needs to get a start. On the rest of the field, the Wings have looked all right. But I really want to see them swap Boskov out and get a little more creativity in the midfield, bring on Dylandy. The young man has created sparks in the chances he's gotten, and I'm wondering, it might not be a bad idea to team him up with Leyton in the middle from the start. It might help them come out of the gate a little easier. That'll be especially important in those two matches I mentioned.

SCOTTY: Let's take a look at some of the other groups, now. Group thirteen looks like it's shaping up for quite a finish.

STEVE: Absolutely, and I think you have four teams here that are all good enough to go to the World Cup, and perform at a high level. Kose and the Turkomans have brought a lot of intensity to the pitch in every game they play, and if you're following world events, the fans are right up there with them. They finally got the monkey off their back and beat Newmanistan, and even though they've got Vephrall and Squornshelous to worry about, I think that game has given them the most motivation. Hockey Canada are level with Newmanistan on points, but I think they'll drop off because the Rockets have a habit of turning it up when the going gets tough.

SCOTTY: In group ten, Taeshan look like they're poised to break through and make it to the final tournament. Four wins and a loss, they've got the edge on Jeruselem and Southern Northland.

STEVE: Yeah, they're a team that have always stuck it out and played hard. Show up for every game, and things are coming together for them. Southern Northland and Jeruselem have been beating up on each other pretty hard, on and off the pitch, which might also be a contributing factor. Now, in the second half, we'll really see what those teams are made of.

SCOTTY: Biggest surprises in qualifying so far.

STEVE: Well, there's a couple. You have Vonks in the thick of things in group two, and at the same time, Kura-Pelland are really struggling. I didn't really expect it to play out that way, but the newcomers have played spirited football. The Holy Empire have also been fighting to get back into the hunt. And how about Bostopia playing very well in group fifteen, they're ahead of SLANI! Those two met each other in the first round of the last World Cup, and although SLANI won in a shootout, you could tell that the gap was coming closer. The Bostopians may be poised for a run at the title from the outside.

SCOTTY: Steve Teebone brings the good stuff; thanks for stopping by.

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Citizens recovered Objectives Complete
The incursion into Sorthern Northland has been withdrawn after the Military stated "That out objectives have been completed we have issued a full apology to Sorthern Northland, what, wait... we have right? oh, well we will issue it later today however should they still insist on a state of war then the Royal Guard and the Conscripted forces will be mobilized to counter any threat."

KTTFF Insist Fan Safety Is Main Concern
With a state of war looming over our heads the KTTFF has said that it will up security if the current state of war continues, which should not since the Turks have fully withdrawn from Sortherner land.

Moderator: Good afternoon and welcome today's chat here on your #1 online source for Newmanistan football. Today in our chatroom, we are honored to be visited by Alex Parnett, one of the Empire's finest young players, and a starting midfielder on the World Cup 41 team. Alex is here to answer your questions, so ask away.


(Southportdude38): Hey Alex, is the team gonna get payback in Koseland?

Parnett: I can't promise you that we will, but I do know that we will give it a 110% to beat them. It's always a good game when we play them.

(DrummyRulez): Hello Alex! Have you guys figured out the names of the Sqorn people?

Parnett: The coach knows them, but he is unable to release them to the general public because they threatened to put a voodoo curse on him if he did, so he's playing it safe. He can't even tell us. It doesn't matter, I guess, we can refer to them by their numbers. They don't even talk to you during the game either. They're a different breed.

(Rocket_Power3): You guys are gonna beat however you spell their name Sq whatever. I can feel it.

Parnett: Thank you for the confidence and I hope we don't let you down. I can tell you that we are very excited about going to the Jungle and playing them.

(PockCity4eva): When your Nethertopia contract is up are you gonna come home? You need to be here, not there.

Parnett: Right now I'm not sure. They do keep good care of me, and I've become one of the top players in Nethertopia, so it's kind of fun. But I am going to weigh my options. Coming home is one of them, or overseas somewhere else. I have two more seasons left on my contract in Nethertopia, so that is where my focus is now when it comes to club team.

(EmpireStrikesBackNScores): Most of the team is in their second World Cup. You're in your first, so what's that like?

Parnett: It's an honor to play in the World Cup. It really is, there's nothing like it. Many of my teammates do have experience going through qualifying, and they have tried to help me out with the little things. It's been a positive experience.

(UrJealousofSqornshelous): You guys suck.

Parnett: Well, at least I know your name. Screen name, anyway.

(Soccerchik14): If you weren't a football player what would you be doing with your life?

Parnett: I'd be in college right now, then probably pursuing a master's degree in accounting.

(UrJealousofSqornshelous): Sure you would, you're just an idiot football player.

Moderator: Sorry, I clicked the wrong button trying to ban him. He's banned now.

Parnett: I was also the valedictorian of my class in high school. Anyway lets get back to football.

(SprThrbrd11): Don't let that idiot get to you. You rock! So if you came back home would you sign with Springfield?

Parnett: Like I said before, I'll be open to all options.

(WeWillRock_etU): The first half has been pretty tough even though you guys haven't really played bad. What's the mood of the team like?

Parnett: We do feel like we left points on the table, but we're not going to let it drag us down. We're still in this, it's not an easy road, but we're ready to take the path. It starts in Loudon against Sqornshelous.

Moderator: Alright, one more question.

(SinanOverratedKose): Who's your pick to win the World Cup; and you can't pick Newmanistan or Nethertopia?

Parnett: It's pretty wide open, there's several teams doing well. But that banana is tough, and the Chi Cubs sign has been tough playing through what might be a broken hand. If it had a hand. Anyway. Milchama is my pick.

Moderator: Ok that's it. Thanks Alex for your time.

Parnett: Always a pleasure. Thanks everyone!

Nire and Nire World Cup Lazy Edition


Jose injured in Starblaydia defeat, Nire and Nire calls on the International community for players for the reverse leg of qualifiers
Will accept anyone
Or anything
We cannot pay you
You will have to make you own way to the matches
And supply your own gear
Black shorts and a red shirt

The following are excerpts from an exclusive interview by IYNS reported Rbatrik Kuernos with Yaforite national team captain Prince Sebard. Watch, as the footballing/soccer star gets up close and personal about his new manager, captaining a winning team, a record win over Arroza, and avoiding mentioning his personal life.

Rbatrik Kuernos: Thank you for consenting to meet us during the middle of qualifying, Prince. I know that this breaks your own rules that you've set for yourself in the past, but we're very glad you came. After all, this is a very momentous time for Yaforite football/soccer, right?

Prince Sebard: It's not a problem to come and meet you. We're in between two halves of qualifying and we're not playing a friendly in the middle of qualifying, so I've got a lot of time. Coach decided to let us have a bit of a vacation in the middle of qualifying - to reward us for our "hard work" or some Ad'ihani concept, so I can come and meet you. Don't expect this to become a habit or something, though. [laughs] And, yeah, you're right about this being a momentous time for our sport. Beyond the simply fact that the game is becoming a totally global game (with developments like the TQCC and all), but also in the fact that we're actually mildly good these days. Our national team, not Ajer, I mean. [laughs again]

Rbatrik Kuernos: We'll get to the second part of that in a little bit, but I'd like to dwell on the first part for a little while first. You mentioned that this is "becoming a totally global game". With players from Zwangzug and Valanora on your club team of IYC Ajer, with your team going out and facing teams like Chelmar FC, who have players from countries like Bazalonia and Cafundeu on their rosters, while on the other hand you're going out, to a tournament like the TQCC, and you're facing teams from all over the world - what is it like to be part of a global revolution of football/soccer, where players and styles from all over the world converge on each other? What does that herald for domestic leagues, and the LIDYT in particular.

Prince Sebard: That's actually a pretty interesting question, Rbatrik, and I'm fairly glad you asked it. The global evolution of our sport, I personally think, is a really good thing. For example, the first Yaforite to join a club in Candelaria And Marquez, Ahershk Valinial, recently departed for the country. What do you think will happen then? More Yaforites will begin to support the club he joined - Caires Sports Club, if I recall the name correctly, then more Yaforites will join clubs there, more Yaforite interactions with them, more diplomatic relations, more immigration - the globalization of football/soccer leads to better things for both countries. It's also better for me. [winks] After all, I get paid more when the market wants players like me more, no? [chuckles]

Rbatrik Kuernos: But what about the effect on the LIDYT in general? we've seen from the most recent TQCC how ineffective Yaforite clubs are at winning on an international scale. Do you think that, with increased amounts of money being poured into purchasing players and vastly increased revenues from the sport itself, that Yaforite clubs can even compete? I'll point at a player like Nilan Bahsir or Imon Juile who could have a chance for playing in his home country for as much money as he gets for playing in Cafundeu, and yet they both chose Cafundeu over Yafor 2. It's a similar situation for a player like Klientar Loverado, who was heavily scouted by both Cafundelese and Yaforite clubs, and yet he chose Ranca Toco, in the former. Do you think this is a trend?

Prince Sebard: Look, Rbatrik, you have to understand that players are always going to leave their home countries to play abroad. Always. There's more opportunity for a fan base there, more foreigners one can meet, more contacts, and often, an opportunity for more money. More than that, however, Cafundeu's really become the premier league for this kind of thing. You want to play, you go there. That's the formula for most people. More onto your question of whether the LIDYT can keep up - I think so. Even now, players like my good friend Brandon Deguela, people like Jamichel Totez, Rohit Sharma, Marcelo Rocha - all sorts of stars who could have careers elsewhere are coming to the LIDYT. I'd saying that any sort of call that this might "end the LIDYT" is totally premature, unnecessary, and untrue.

Rbatrik Kuernos: More on topic with what's going on - how is Dave Hollow as a manager? He seems to have done a good job - the national team has yet to lose a match, they've allowed only one goal in five games, a very impressive total, and the offense, lead by new striker David Insfield, has suddenly woken up, scoring three goals a game. A lot of people credit Dave Hollow - what's your take on that?

Prince Sebard: Oh, Coach is excellent. He's not like any manager I've ever had before - he makes tactical decisions, he lets us lead and sees what happens - he's very good. And David? He's really quite good as well. Strong guy, fits well into the formations that we have going - his powerful shot, unlike any native Yaforites' I've ever seen, allows him to use his body to maneuver into position without worry about finding the necessary power for a shot. That's a real gift. Otherwise, it seems to work out - Coach lets us play, we play, we win. That's pretty much it.

Rbatrik Kuernos: What exactly has Dave Hollow done that makes you win? Besides putting Insfield as a striker, of course.

Prince Sebard: He's reinforced the importance of the early goal. Previously, we used to start a game, settle into the rhythm of defense, play solidly and cautiously, then begin to try and score. Coach has tried to get us to start scoring early, to put that extra ounce of pressure on the other team early in the game - then they have to try harder against our defense, they feel more pressure, and they concede. It's an emotional thing. David's been a really big player in this too - he comes out really strong at the beginning of a match, unlike what other teams expect a Yaforite to play like, and scores. After all, in that record game against Arroza, he scored all his three goals, scored his hattrick, all in the first thirty-five minutes. So, yeah. Scoring early. That's been Coach's main mantra relating to the game itself, and it's really worked out for us.

Rbatrik Kuernos: What was it like to play in a record game, like that 6-0 win against Arroza? You didn't score, but you had four assists, to Insfield's second and third goals, as well as Meleherat's goal and Dariegan's goal. Moreover, you could have probably scored that free kick that Herod Accursas took, correct? Any reason that the half-Jeruselemite defender was the one who took the kick?

Prince Sebard: Well, first off, it was really awesome to play in a record-breaking game, like the one against Arroza. Beyond the fact that I think we played well, I'm glad for the guys to break that mental barrier, to show themselves as a totally offensive team for once. We were tight, we were strong, we were good. As for Herod - he has, as almost everyone knows, a thunderous foot - and one of the things Gerod was working with him about was his free kicks. He has this straight, powerful shot that almost sears a hole into the back of the net, to be figurative, of course. So we've been giving him his opportunities and he's scored three goals, all on free kicks, so far in qualifying. I'm much more of the corner kick person, the free kick taker who lobs the ball into the middle, if that makes any sense.

Rbatrik Kuernos: Just before we go, I have to get this in for all your female fans. Do you have a relationship with Audrey Deguela?

Prince Sebard: [laughs] I'd prefer not to talk about my personal life, as you know, but I am very close with Audrey, if that is what you are asking. In my time at Ajer, I've become very close with both Brandon and Audrey. That doesn't answer your question, does it? [laughs again]

Rbatrik Kuernos: Prince Sebard, Yaforite national team football/soccer captain, thank you for the interview. Good luck in the rest of qualifying and, hopefully, in the World Cup proper, as well!

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Longer war time edition. More than one story!

Kosenic forces withdraw from Sorthern soil, but is it enough?

Following the largest mass movement of Sorthern army troops in history, and a large number of Bostopian forces entering the area, Kosenic Military sources have announced that a full withdrawal of their troops has been initiated and they fully expect to have left the country within the next twelve hours. It is thought that a small number of troops from all three nations may have been lost in fighting in Little Greece. It is not known however if this is enough to stop Sorthern Northland engaging in a full on war with Kose and the Turkomans. Military forces are saying that until we are one hundred percent sure we are safe we will not be retracting our declaration of war. President Jimmy Sheridan is thought to be trying to organise peace talks with the Kosenic leadership.

Bostopian troops take wrong turn

A number of Beningrad citizens came in for a bit of a shock yesterday when Bostopian tanks rolled into the capital and started taking down Communist banners and posters that have suddenly appeared since their arrival. The Sorthern government has told citizens not to panic as simply direct the Bostopians in the direction of Little Greece. It is thought the tanks took a wrong turning at some point on their journey to Little Greece. Bostopian soldiers can be easily identified (if not in military uniform) as they are likely to shout xenophobic abuse at you.

Kosenic citizens offered transportation back home

Following the withdrawal of Kosenic troops from Little Greece and Sorthern Northland, the Sorthern government has said it will provide any Kosenic citizens still in the country transport back to Kose & the Turkomans. The departure of Kosenic fans was made all the more difficult after the local airport was blown up by rioting Kosenics.

The Sorthern government issued a statement saying, "We are offering transport for Kosenic citizens still stuck here back to their nation in return for co-operation and help from the Kosenic government in finding and bringing to justice the ringleaders of the destruction of the airport and town by Kosenic rioters. We can assure the Kosenic government that we will also bring Sorthern citizens involved in the rioting to justice.

Kevaughn Ó Criomhthain, finally able to rest in peace

The one positive to come out of the Kose & the Turkomans friendly was the news that former national team gaffer Kevaughn Ó Criomhthain's body had been found in Kose & the Turkomans who bought the body back prior to the friendly for it to be repatriated to Sorthern Northland.

An SNFA spokesman said, "Unfortunately we know now what we feared is true and that Kevaughn is no longer with us. We had thought him to be dead for a long time now and it is a shame our fears have been confirmed to be true. Kevuaghn was a great man, an inspirational manager and will be fondly remembered by players and fans alike. He will forever hold a place in Sorthern history as the first manager to qualify for the World Cup finals. His body has now been passed on to his family and we ask the media to respect the privacy of his family in this difficult time for them."

Ó Criomhthain's funeral will be held this Saturday at Red Square in his hometown of Corcaigh, where a book of condolence has been opened. Other books have also been opened around the country. The funeral will be broadcast on the big screens at the James Connolly Stadium prior to the game with Nethertopia. A minutes silence will also be held prior to game, and players will be wearing black armbands as a mark of respect to Ó Criomhthain.

Jeruselem Princess to be offered role in Little Greece police force

The Superintendent of the Little Greece Police Force has today announced he plans to offer Jeruselem government spokeswoman Princess Marie-Antoinette Dallas a role in his force. Possibly as some sort of detective.

Speaking for the first time since he "I expect no trouble" speech prior to the riots, Superintendent Thános Néri said, "Whilst conducting the investigation into how the riots began I noticed something on the news about Princess Marie-Antoinette speaking about Sortherners being attacked in Jeruselem. I'd been trying to work out what sparked the rioting but had run down a cul-de-sac so I thought I'd take a break and watch the news, then something she said made me realise what it was. "Maybe it wasn't such a great idea to play the Turks in a Greek town." is what she said. It was a kind of eureka moment. I wouldn't have worked it out in a month of Thursday's. The Princess obviously has an eye for detail and I think she'd make a fantastic addition to the force here."

Jackpot for gamblers

Gamblers in Dancougar were celebrating yesterday following the declaration of war between Sorthern Northland and Kose & the Turkomans. It appears a number of betting fans put money on Sorthern Northland managing to last four or more games before going to war, and betting shops were forced to play out large amounts of Nova's to lucky punters. L'Internationale offers it's congratulations to punters who managed to win a bit of cash and hopes they put the money to good use. It seems the government of Sorthern Northland may have built an image of us a warmongering nation, we hope the governemt can turn this into a more positive image in the future.

SN still safe for visiting fans
The Tourist Conference for Southern Northland, Sorthern Northland's national tourism authority has today released a statement assuring visiting countries the country is still safe to visit despite the war in Little Greece.

"All competitive games are taking place in Beningrad well away from the situation in Little Greece and we can assure foreign fans that they will be safe during their teams visit and that everyone will be done by our security forces to keep them safe. This of course applies to visiting teams as well.", the announcement announced.

This comes after the number of Nethertopia fans making their way to the country for the Sorthern Northland Nethertopia game was significantly below expected numbers.

Owen Jones began walking.

The Republic of Candelaria And Marquez’s national motto isn’t “A bit, but not too much”, but it probably should be. Candelariasians are prepared to embrace any new development; high culture or low, left-wing or right-wing, capitalist or socialist, but only within reason. As such, even though the CMSC has embraced modern commercialisation, many football clubs remain so firmly in tune to their working-class, or at least lower-middle-class, origins; their stadiums located still in the very heart of the local community, their squads filled out with local boys. Such clubs are to be celebrated, naturally.

And then there’s Gamboa FC, a club that has remained steadfast and true to its origins, is owned and run by its supporters, and whose stadium, Wallpark Road, lies at the heart of the community. There were four types of Gamboa supporters, namely 1) The Proper Nobs, the blue-blooded individuals who represented an ethnic minority in their own right, having arrived from Blighty and set about breeding with each other in a manner that would make many West Candelarians blush on all three of their cheeks, 2) The Almost Nobs, those who were seemingly entirely made up of second-generation immigrants with dubiously anglicised surnames, whose parents or grandparents had carefully avoided taking on the corner shops and dull factory jobs of their cousins in favour of building up revolting fortunes by establishing early on just how to get around the islands’ prohibitive tax system, 3) The New Nobs, who had been born into the same lower-middle-class background as everyone else in C&M but who had risen to the top by similar money-making means, a top-class education gained from being highly skilled in one particular area of study, or sleeping with the right people and 4) Everyone Else, those who worked for the other inhabitants of Gamboa or who had got tired of Abiodun South’s descent into semi-professionalism and couldn’t bring themselves to support Abiodun North instead.

They had all drifted inexorably to Gamboa, the enclave to the south of Abiodun that had become by some distance the wealthiest single area in the country. Some would even say the region, though quite how this was achieved is anyone’s guess. Gamboa FC was theirs, and for the very first time Wallpark Road was hosting the C&M national team.

None of this is particularly important, but it does help to bulk up the RP and, more pertinently, explain why it’s taken this long for Owen Jones, the President of the Candelaria And Marquez Association Football Association, to wind his way through some forty-three hundred executive boxes towards that which housed Sam Mc O’Neil, the President of the Candelaria (And) Marquez Soccer Championship.

“Sorry madam, pardon me, ‘scuse’ms,” Jones muttered, as he pushed his way past several type ones. The game had long since ended, but quality foie gras deserves to be savoured.

“Heeey, you’re that President, sir!” a type twoer beamed, grapping his arm and grinning manically. “Heeey, awesome game, yes?”

“What…?” Jones said coldly.

“How about those Turkishers, yes? Football classic!” He gave Jones two enthusiastic thumbs up.

“Ugh,” Jones hissed contemptuously, and forced his way past the man and into Mc O’Neil’s box. The other President either failed to notice his presence or declined to acknowledge it, for he remained engrossed in the laptop in front of him.

“…ate Safritz. Minister, before we discuss the Timonium issue, perhaps we could hear your views on the events unfolding at the moment in Sorthern Northland, particularly given your government’s tight little relationship with the Bostopian Empire.”

“Yes, Jenny, let me just clarify that we have absolutely no influence on Bostopian foreign policy, nor they on ours. Obviously we’re concerned, obviously we’ll be pleading for restraint, obviously we’ll be keeping in close contact with Beningrad in order to ensure the safety of our citizens and former citizens in the Eastern Westlands, but I have no doubt that the Bostopian invasion will be conducted i–”

“The Bostopians having, of course, Minister, been invited by the Sorthern government to help oust the invading Kosenic forces…”

“Uh, um… Well, yes, obviously, that’s what I… Gosh, this is bloody embarrassing isn’t it, pardon my Footballian… Obviously, uh, obviously what I mean is tha–”

“Perhaps you’d been more comfortable with domestic matters, Foreign Secretary; what steps are the government taking to ensure that Northlandish and Turkic residents of C&M, particularly in Albr–”

“Do turn that thing off, O’Neil,” Jones murmured. He drew the line at the Mc. The other President, besides being a ghastly little man who Jones wouldn’t trust as far as he could throw him, was a type two Gamboa fan born and bred, albeit of a slightly more long-standing vintage, ever since grandpappy Pierre Mecquinion had shipped up in Morganstown and opted to adopt a surname that appeared to mirror those of the trawlermen around him. Sam did as he was told – Jones was practically a government minister, after all – but remained with his back to the CAMAFA, staring instead out of the now all but empty Wallpark Road stadium.

“Not a bad match, eh?” Mc O’Neil said cheerily. “Pity about the result, but as warm-ups for our annual tilt at the Cup of Harmony go, not bad at all…”

“This really isn’t a laughing matter, O’Neil. A two-one loss to the Algal States. We’re now highly likely to miss out on World Cup qualification… again.”

“Mm,” Mc O’Neil mused. “Doesn’t make you look too good, does it, old boy? Seems to have been going downhill ever since you were given responsibility to choosing the managers and such like. Lovely goal by Edwards, but the back four was all over the place.”

“Quite. It’s curious that, isn’t it, that we’re not producing new players capable of taking on the might of the Algal States on equal terms? I wonder why it could be…”

“I can’t possibly imagine, Owen. Ho-hum! Better luck next time, eh? We’ve got pretty decent relations with those Zwangzugians I believe, I’m sur–”

“It shouldn’t have to come to that!” Jones snapped, bounding across the room and placing himself uncomfortably close to Mc O’Neil. “Hockey Canada. Naggetski. Kansiov. Kirrin Island. Gweridijongya. Kura-Pelland. Kura-Pelland, for God’s sake! Countries doing better than us! And honest t’God, Sam; how’re we supposed to compete on a level playing field when our young players aren’t getting a chance for their clubs! For God’s sake; if you had your way there’d be eight foreigners on every CMSC side! It’s bad enough as it is! How’s Russell Maidment supposed to get a chance when Gary Maini and Ryan Taylor’s in front of him for Turkish? Iain Anderson, eh, at KT Hotspur? What a promising kid he looked last year, and now he’s barely getting a kick thanks to Junichi Inaki! And he’s not even a full international! Once Martinez retired our goalkeeping situation is going t’be terminal, but d’you see Roman Perkins getting a game at Green Island? Or Dak Gogrichiani? He’s supposed to be the bee’s balls, but a bloody guy from Uiri is keeping him out! Who knows where the hell Uiri is? And I mean, I could go on, endlessly –”

“Please don’t.”

“We’re only going t’get worse, y’know? And all you can be worried about is your bloody CMSC and, and, cavorting with elves, an–”

“Florence Swift is a woman of unique grace and wisdom,” Mc O’Neill muttered stoutly.

“Oh, whatever… Your league and your clubs can continue to line your pockets, but I’m telling you… If we don’t at least put in a good showing at the Harmony…”

“Then what, Owen?”

“There shall be repercussions, Sam,” Jones told him darkly.

Mc O’Neil sighed, and waved a languorous hand in the general direction of the empty stadium. “The first full international at Wallpark Road, eh?” he chewed over, as if to himself. “What an occasion. Packed to the rafters it was, and who can blame them? The chance to see their own heroes, Ignacio Vélez and Matteo Corradini and Oberon Martinez and all, in their own stadium… What could be better than that? But you know what, Owen? It’ll be a sell-out at the weekend too, when Gamboa play Port of Clotaire. Because they’ll be seeing their heroes there too, you see? Normal Armstrong and George Jones and Sargento Castelão and all. And d’you know how much that little Northlandish cable network will be paying us for that game, just to see Jua Huwang and Lee Waywide face each other? And they’ll be showing it in Ma Raque, too. And the Turkomans’ll be watching it too, they always do. Imagine that! Fans of Lee Waywide and fans of Serkan Turkmen, watching the same game and supporting the same team while their countries are at war… A dull, forgettable little mid-table encounter… And a far, far bigger fixture than C&M versus the Algal States’ll ever be!

“And it all works, Owen. Albrecht Turkish won the Champions’ Cup! D’you know who kept a clean sheet? Oberon Martinez and his four Candelariasian defenders. D’you know who opened the scoring? Niv Cohen, who ain’t yet twenty-one. And he’s from Bove, Owen. He’s not a Yaforite, he’s not Kura-Pellandi, he’s not Blouman… He’s not even an elf, Owen! He’s one of ours, and he’s going to be wonderful!”

He turned suddenly and sharply enough to make Jones grab at his chest in surprise, and fixed the CAMAFA President straight in the eye for the first time. “The fact is, Owen, people around these worlds know the CMSC a darn sight better than they do your Big Blues. Frankly, I’m concerned that our league is becoming increasingly connected with an inferior product. One wonders what the point of the national team is any more… Fact is, Owen; but my league and my clubs are going places. Can we really say the same about your little team?

“So yeah, ‘we’ better put up a good showing in the Harmony, mate. Or you know what?”

“What?”

Mc O’Neill grinned. “There’s going to be repercussions, Owen.”


The Gamboa versus PoC game was a one-all draw, by the by. It was quite good.

And do you know what the scariest thing is?
I've actually had dreams.
Actual dreams.
Verging on nightmares.
About those bloody constructs of mad science.
They're in my head.
And I can't stop them.
I can't...
I can't believe I'm saying this.
But.
Well.
I think I'm scared of football playing robotic ducks.

_________

Rennidan Football Association Private Jet 2, Currently Entering Prux Airspace -

You know when there's a certain sound in a silent room that, at first, seems alright. You can cope with it. Then, after the eighty fifth, ninety sixth, when you've finally lost count and given up on the fact that the sound should stop soon, that's when the sound begins to drive you ab-so-lute-ly bloody well, stark raving, run-down-the-road-naked mad.

Well, right now, in this oh-so-silent aeroplane cabin, where Rennidan's national team was preparing for their match against their newly found rivals, the Prux Roboducks, there was a sound much like this. Right now, there was a sound onboard this plane that was about to start a mutiny.

As it turns out, Samual "The Wall" Fortal is quite the snorer when he flies.

IT'S.....

THE WORLD CUP SHOW!

With Basil and Theo!

"Basil!"

"Theo!"

"I suppose we have to put in at least one appearance every Cup. So, what do you think of the blancmanges?"

"I prefer creme brulee myself, but their squad seems to suffer from a brittle surface."

"While jam doughnuts are existentially empty at the core of their tactics, don't you think?"

"Absolutely, Theo. So blancmanges it is, I suppose."

"Any thoughts on how the campaign's progressing at the halfway stage, Basil?"

"Well, we couldn't have had a worse start.... the forfeit against Milchama was perhaps understandable, but the draw against Bearbears and the loss to Nagetsaki, or Hiroshima, or whatever those no-hopers were called... that was tough to bear."

"And last night's friendly against Vonks?"

"Well, Theo, losing to a team ranked 133 in the world when you're a top 20 squad looks careless if you do it once during a campaign - do it twice during a campaign to two separate teams ranked 133, and you really have to wonder. But then Vonks did cheat."

"They did?"

"Absolutely, Theo. By holding the match on a wibbly-wobbly platform in the middle of a body of water, they guaranteed that the blancmanges would dissolve every time they went to retrieve the ball when it went out of play. Why, the blancmanges only had time to score one goal and eat Jean-Pierre "Girlypants" Baptiste - and judging from the reaction from the home supporters, I think we did them a favour - before they were reduced to five blancmanges quivering in the centre circle and avoiding the sidelines. "

"So some extra work for the cooks in the Imperial kitchens this evening, Basil?"

"I should think so. Tzimisces and Vaskoveyvanitsch seemed to get along though - kindred spirits, perhaps?"

"And what about reports of dissension in the Imperial camp? New general manager Simeone Di Bradini is reported to be none to convinced about helping to coach blancmanges...."

"I wouldn't read too much into that, Theo. I'm sure Di Bradini's delighted to be involved with football again - blancmanges or no blancmanges."

http://img134.imageshack.us/img134/7993/dailyturkjo0.png
Peace Declared Citizens return
In what will be remembered as one of the shortest wars in world history, Sultan Ibrahim and Jimmy Sheridan have met to discuss peace in Kose and The Turkomans, inside the only pub in Kose and The Turkomans run by Sortherners; The Happy Turk, this could be seen as a reflection of the mood of the Turkic government as they have successfully completed their objectives without causing a full scale war, in the peace agreement Sultan Ibrahim has dismissed the Head of Military for such a blunder and has issued a full apology, yes you heard WE apologized, no serious WE actually did. The remaining citizens have been returned as have the injured soldiers and have come back with minimal deaths, 1 that of their commanding officer Murad Mevlut who has been buried today with the peace treaty inscribed on his tomb as a reminder that Turks can apologize, no really.

The new Head of Military will be chosen by an internal election within the army results will likely be in after the next K&TT match.

SAYINGS OF THE DESERT FATHERS

On Humility

Arsenius was seen to ask a citizen of Candelaria and Marquez for advice about his temptations. Another squad member who saw this said, 'Arsenius, how is it that you, who are so learned in Greek, Latin, and Old Church Liturgic, are asking that uneducated peasant about your temptations?' He answered, 'I have a lot of worldly knowledge of Greek and Latin and Old Church Liturgic: but I have not yet been able to learn the alphabet of this peasant. And do not the natives of his country say that they are "prepared to embrace any new development"? Might this not also mean that some at least are prepared to embrace Orthodoxy?'


Theophilus, of holy memory, once came to see the team train before he fell asleep in the Lord, and the squad were pleased to see him. He said, 'What have you discovered in your life, abbas?' The squad replied, 'To blame ourselves unceasingly when we concede a needless free kick.' Theophilus said, 'That is the only way to follow.'


On Compunction

When the World Cup qualifiers reached the halfway stage, with the Archregimancy sitting in second place despite losing their first two matches, Poeman was taken up into a rapture and fell on his face. After a while he got up and wept.

The brothers asked him, 'What is the matter, Abba?' But he was silent, weeping.

When they pressed him for an answer, he said to them, 'I was taken before the judgement seat on the Last Day of Qualification, and I saw many deserving nations going down to the torment of the Cup of Harmony, and yet many unworthy nations were going into the Finals.'

Poeman grieved and after that he did not leave his cell for several days, and if he was forced to go out, he covered his face with a shawl and said, 'Why should I see the light of this world, where nothing is any use to me?'

Pre-game training session

Vasko Vaskoveyvanitsch: Okay, we train for the game against the blancmanges by eating blancmanges. Adam Bradshaw’s mum has made the blancmanges, now we all sit down and eat them, okay?

Werner Borr: But Vasko, the referee has made it clear that he’s going to take a firm line against players eating each other in this game. And he’s a seven-foot tall hairy wild man from the wilderness of Eastern Vonks who eats people himself, so we don’t want to mess with him.

Ian Rice: He knows his football regulations, though. Communicates in grunts and verbatim quotes from the laws of football. They say he was raised by a tribe of primitives descended from survivors of a foreign football team’s plane crash a century ago.

Vasko Vaskoveyvanitsch: Quiet. Eat your blancmange. Mrs Bradshaw has made these for you, you must eat them.

Adam Bradshaw’s Mum: Oh, really, it was no trouble, I love cooking for my little chubbykins and his friends!

Adam Bradshaw: Mum!

Adam Bradshaw’s Mum: I make him a special birthday blancmange every year in the shape of a bunny-rabbit, you know. Every year he used to say “Mummy, is it time for my pink blancmange birthday bunny yet?”

Jean-Pierre “Girlypants” Baptiste: Oh, how precious!

Adam Bradshaw: Mum, stop it.

Josef Waltinger: Mrs Bradshaw, Rajesh ate a big spoonful of my blancmange!

Rajesh “Fatty” Khudanpur: You little sneak!

Adam Bradshaw’s Mum: Now now, there’s plenty for everyone, and Rajesh is a growing boy. Here’s another bowlful for each of you.

Vasko Vaskoveyvanitsch: Mrs Bradshaw, you are a wonderful cook, and you keep order among a football team well. Would you like to work for the team? I can get you a job, I can get jobs for anyone and I often get jobs for attractive ladies.

Adam Bradshaw: (chokes on his blancmange and has to be patted on the back by Sigur Nilsen)

Pål Ingebritsen: Hurr, hurr, Vasko’s gonna shag Bradshaw’s mum!

Adam Bradshaw’s Mum: Language, young man!

Jean-Pierre “Girlypants” Baptiste: Mmm, this is delicious!

During the game

Werner Borr: Don’t just stand there, idiots! Move! Score goals! We need to equalise!

Sigur Nilsen: But I feel seasick! Every time Rajesh moves, the whole raft shakes like mad!

Rajesh “Fatty” Khudanpur: I feel sick from eating too much blancmange.

Pål Ingebritsen: Hurr, hurr, didn’t stop you nibbling their midfielder when the ref wasn’t looking, Fatty!

Rajesh “Fatty” Khudanpur: He nibbled me first!

Adam Bradshaw: Where did Vasko go with my mum? Did they go onto one of the spectator yachts?

Ian Rice: Hey, quick, everyone run over to the left, one of the blancmanges got too near the side again and we can tip him in!

Jean-Pierre “Girlypants” Baptiste: That’s horrid, Ian, we shouldn’t keep tipping them into the water and making them dissolve, every time I see it happen I think about a poor little pink birthday blancmange bunny drowning! (starts to cry) I’m going to go and save the poor thing!

After the game

Peter Ballantyne: So, if I understand you rightly, young Jean-Pierre was eaten by a blancmange, six blancmanges fell in the water and were sort of semi-dissolved and the remains eaten by spectators and Rajesh Khudanpur, the referee punched Pål in the genitals, the raft was eaten by beavers and we won 2-1?

Adrian Ballantyne: That’s about the size of it, Granddad. Also, Sigur’s still being sick, Roman hasn’t been seen since he set off swimming back to the changing rooms, and we’ve kept the head of one of the blancmanges that fell in the water. Can we keep it as our team mascot? We’ll call it Bunny and we’ll play with it every day. It’s cute.

Ian Rice: And we learned that when Adam was three, his mum said he couldn’t have any blancmange until he stopped wetting his pants.

Adam Bradshaw: Could we please all stop telling that story?

Adam Bradshaw’s Mum (entering the room): Actually, that was when he was five. Little Chubbykins was a bit of a late developer.

Adam Bradshaw: Mum!

Adam Bradshaw’s Mum: And Mr Vaskoveyvanitsch and I are going to get married, Adam, so he’s going to be your new Daddy. Isn’t that nice?

Vasko Vaskoveyvanitsch: What? Married? I never said married, we are not getting married, I am not a marrying man, I deny everything, you can’t entangle me, who are you? I’ve never seen you before!

Adam Bradshaw’s Dad (entering the room): What do you mean, you’re getting married? What about me?

Adam Bradshaw’s Mum: Oh, I forgot about you. Come on, let’s go home.

In Soviet Dancougar, we decide, you report!

The title screen rolls - the rather dramatic music, accompanied by beating drums, plays behind rather grim looking 'Football War' text. The studio lights come up. "And good evening, I'm Mark Bundeswehr, with tonight's look at the globe. Yesterday, the Turks launched an unprovoked invasion of Southern Northland after their fans had basically laid waste to Little Greece, leading many to believe that the football fans were actually the vanguard of the invasion force! Here to discuss the wider implications of this development is chief political analyst, Tina Martin. Tina, now, to say that a nation like Southern Northland is unprepared for war is somewhat silly, but they have required some time to fully mobilize. How have the Turks used this advantageous time?"

"By pulling out, Mark," replies Tina, shifting her legs into a comfortable position. "The Turks, who declared the beginning of military operations, today declared it was all over, having removed their vanguard... er, citizens... safely from Southern Northland. The latest dispatches from Kose and the Turkomans claim that peace talks with Southern Northland are already underway and that Turk citizens can still expect to travel freely to and from their temporary enemy."

"So wait... I'm confused," Mark replies, placing his sheet of questions on the table, now that they appear to have been totally invalidated. "Fans show up, turn the city into a warzone, get the military to waltz in and grab them... and the Turks just say, 'Our bad, it's over!'?"

"That appears to be the situation, Mark," answers Tina matter-of-factly. "The Turkic government says that all forces have been hastily withdrawn from Southern Northland, rendering the surprising alliance between Southern Northland and Bostopia - and that's an interesting story, because we're pretty sure Bostopia showed up as unannounced as the Turks - moot. Whether or not the Turks were scared away by the prospect of war with a fairly large military power remains to be seen. After all, we've seen Bostopia weather plagues of crickets without breaking a sweat, and Southern Northlanders don't feel pain. Because all the alcohol numbs it."

Mark looks back at his cards to see if anything can be salvaged. The teleprompter is no longer any help, either. Tina just smiles and awaits the next question. "So the column of troopers approaching Little Greece are going to find what exactly?"

"The broken dreams of the Turkic fans, perhaps, translated into broken windows and cars lining the streets," replies Tina. "And perhaps some tank treads to follow the Turks to wherever their forces have retired to. No official word yet on how Southern Northland is REALLY dealing with the sudden retreat, although we expect that Jimmy Sheridan will have something to say on the issue. After all, an unattributed source within the government has gone on the record saying that he is, quote, a tough son of a bitch, unquote. And if he wants to throw nuts at Dallas girls just for kicks, I'd hate to imagine what he's really planning for the Turks after they wrecked a chunk of his country."

"Tina Martin," says Mark, cutting the interview early. "Okay... moving right along... well, this kinda shoots our entire special to hell, now, doesn't it?"

(OOC: Nire and Nire, use this, don't use this...whatever you want.)

Anita Elsehow, currently making her way towards Magnus Valerius, has expressed interest in competing on the Nire and Nire team. A native of Nire, Elsehow and her family fled during a civil war, or maybe just one of the Nire independence movements, when she was three. Although wary of competing alongside Nirers, she wants to "transcend internal differences" and proudly represent her homeland.

Elsehow's football experience is limited to the very short timeframe since she found out the Disputed Territories were seeking players. She promptly joined up with Rovers United and scored a goal. Nominally a midfielder, she hopes to play there and not comprise the entirety of the team.

RP CUTOFF for MD6

SCORES (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13779230&postcount=11)

Kate:
Hello, this Kate Sallad. I'm in Corivia where the Princesses played Corivia who had the home town advantage. I'm with the hero for this game, our own Flak Sho who is still grieving over this grandparents but decided to take his place in our team despite his personal issues and problems at the moment. He's put aside this problems, then played a great game for Jeruselem and Ariddians too.

Flak: Err, hello!
Kate: You had great game today. One goal and an assist in the other two goals.
Flak: I'm just working for the team, our team.
Kate: Flak's a humble fellow. So, looking forward to the next big game?

Flak: I'm not totally up to the venues, who are we playing.
Kate: Taeshan take us on at home at Dazza Dallas Stadium.
Flak: Yes, that's a big danger game.
Kate: Your wife, your Mum, your Dad and other will be there to watch. Will you be overwhelmed by the occasion?

Flak: Not me, I just treat every game on it's own merits. You had a good game apart from a opposition defender accidentally yanking off your top by accident.
Kate: I didn't score any goals or go near that.
Flak: You did keep the defense busy to I could make my passes.
Kate: I suppose so. I did score a few phone numbers after the game though.

Flak: Must be the "people like topless bimbos" factor.
Kate: Well, you have been good at something! So, we go home and face the challenger to our spot at the top of the table.
Flak: They beat us 1-0 at home, so it'd be close game.
Kate: Yes, but we're the Dazza Dallas Stadium. The Goddess will protect us.

Flak: Oh, you mean my mother-in-law.
Kate: Dazza Dallas Stadium isn't just a stadium, it's the place of worship for football fans.
Flak: It's also the Pinkest stadium in the World Cup.
Kate: That's only on the outside. It's pretty normal on the inside.

Flak: Apart from the Hello Kitty! blimp
Kate: I've been in the blimp. It's pretty nice and a great view.
Flak: Not me, I don't like heights much.
Kate: So who do think is the best striker in the team?

Flak: I don't know, they all pretty good. I don't want to take sides.
Kate: You do admit Kara's had a lean time with the goals.
Flak: Yeah, but she's the captain too. It's a team effort not just Kara scoring goals.
Kate: I think Jenny is star so far. No one mentions her because she's not a glamour girl like Kara or me or my sister.

Flak: Still, she's a pretty good looking girl all the same.
Kate: I just get more attention because I can't keep clothes on.
Flak: Each to their own.
Kate: That's it from me and Flak Sho. See you all in Jeruselem when we kick ass.

Flak: Yes, see you later. We need to win.
Kate: Oh, your mother-in-law wants to take you to lunch.
Flak: Err, thanks.
Kate: Stop complaining Flak!

KENNETH: It takes ten games to find the field of thirty two that compete for world football's biggest trophy, but for some teams, qualification comes a few games early.

SCOTTY: And the Black Wings were hoping to become one of them. While they were certainly in no position to do it tonight against the Gnomes of Az-cz, a win would go a long way in making that happen, since it would open up a six point gap between themselves and the rest of the group with four games to play. To the National Stadium, and Az-cz come to Yuki City seeking revenge for a 2-1 defeat on opening day. But the Wings weren't showing any signs of feeling overwhelmed this time around... now it was business as usual in front of the home fans. Shishio Jinguuji, minute eight, first real chance of the game! Shot sails wide to the right. Then, minute fifteen, Boskov's cross is thumped on goal by Leyton, but Haz-Tp gets a hand to it, over the bar.

KENNETH: Minute nineteen, Dancougar gets the lead. Leyton wins possession in midfield and starts the rush. Whittaker comes flying in down the left side, he gets it wide. Nobody covers. Whittaker... into the box, it falls right through, and Hideo Ikeda strikes for goal number one! And that's just bad defense from the Gnomes, take another look. The cross whips it and bounces once, Hi-Kui had a chance to clear it but instead watches it go past, and Ikeda is going to take that shot any day of the week, ten yards away. But Az-cz almost equilize right away, as they catch the Wings napping at the back. Kenyon gets a step on Barclay and fires it low. Watanabe actually throws himself at that one and gives up the rebound, Vitakiralski...!!! Tackled away at the last minute by Weatherford to prevent the shot.

SCOTTY: At the half hour mark, the Wings catch another big break. El-Iot gets the through ball and has a run at goal... but the flag is up for offside. He complains and has a point, because if you look way across the field... he'd gotten well behind Berber, but Barclay was keeping him onside. Bad call by the officials, and it might've changed the flow of the game, because about five minutes later, it's 2-0. Jinguuji wins the corner, which Morimoto sends into the box. Headed away by Ca-Fu, but Sho Yukikaze... YUKIKAZE with a superb volley to extend the lead! The defender pushes up and hits this in from thirty yards out, and Haz-Tp was definitely not expecting that. Az-cz definitely looking perturbed, not in control of the game, but the fans are waving the towels and making some real noise.

KENNETH: Seoond half and it's a move for more offense. Fe-Do comes on... four attackers for the Gnomes, three three four! And it almost pays off right away. Minute forty eight, Kenyon gets it back to Hu-35, who fires on goal... redirected by El-Iot but it just grazes the outside of the post! But better from the Gnomes, as they start to find space inside the box. Wing defense tries to tighten up, but still, the Gnomes threaten to bring one back. Kenyon's shot is grabbed by Watanabe, and then with half an hour to go, here's a cracker from Hu-35 that Watanabe can only push out for a corner. Time running out, but the Gnomes aren't ready yet to switch to the pyramid.

SCOTTY: The goal does come in minute sixty three, but it's the Wings who get it again! After this Gnome attack breaks down, the Wings sense a chance to break, three on two. Weatherford fires a long ball for Leyton, who taps it ahead to Jinguuji, who has help to either side. He'll give to Morimoto, and from fifteen yards away, Morimoto takes the uncontested shot. It's 3-0 to the Wings, and the crowd is loving it. Haz-Tp can only shake his head, but his defense really let him down here and left him with no chance to make a play. Morimoto hits it hard and low, corner of the goal. But Az-cz would keep fighting. Corner kick, minute seventy three, Ji-Hyun curls it into the box, and puts it right on the head of Vitakiralski. And the big elf pounds that one past Watanabe to make it 3-1, no mistake this time.

KENNETH: But before Az-cz can get back into the game, the Wings shut the door hard. Two minutes later, a turnover in midfield again, and the Wings take this chance to the back of the net. Leyton to Whittaker. Whittaker has Ikeda making a run down the middle, but he cuts it inside and takes it himself... nothing but net for Benjamin Whittaker!! It's 4-1, now, and this one is just a few seconds of sheer will from the midfielder. Beats the defender, creates his own space, and hits a shot beyond the reach of the 'keeper. Az-cz would continue to attack to the very end, but Watanabe was equal to the task. Eight saves for him as the Wings roll up the full three points at home, handing Az-cz their second loss in group play.

SCOTTY: Steve Teebone is at the National Stadium and we've got him on the phone right now. Stevey, a great performance by the Wings tonight, and now you have to feel good about their chances of returning to the World Cup.

STEVE: If they continue to play at this level, then I would believe it. The Black Wings did get a few breaks - that botched offside was huge - but whenever they got a quality chance, they took it. It was sloppy play in the midfield that won this game for them. Az-cz was never able to establish itself and were constantly getting beat to loose balls. And the Wings had some huge rushes on goal, and it all starts from the possession battle in midfield. You catch the defenders asleep, trying to get back into the play, and it results in open shots. And you can't give a guy like Akira Morimoto a free look at goal.

SCOTTY: Elsewhere in the group, Green Wombat drew the Blouman Empire 2-2 on the road. And if you ask me, I think they're quietly setting themselves up for a race to the finish. After that bad loss to the Free Krytenia Rebels, Green Wombat have road draws against Az-cz and the Blouman Empire, and a home win against Ofedestan. Three straight games with points, and now they get Dancougar at home.

STEVE: And the key for the Wings is not to get overconfident. They've gotten two big wins against Az-cz, now, but they can't be satisfied with that. In the last match, Green Wombat came out firing on all cylinders and took the early lead. At home, they're going to be a lot more comfortable, and they'll have gotten some of their confidence back after taking points from three straight matches. The Wings have had a bad habit in the past of letting up on the gas after a big win, and you can be sure that Green Wombat are watching the game tape very closely to exploit the weakness the Wings have in the back. Remember how easily El-Iot got behind Berber in the first half, and quite a few times you saw Weatherford not pick up his man inside the box. These are critical errors. Claudia Bard has played very well for Green Wombat, watch out for her in this one.

SCOTTY: Thanks, Steve, always a pleasure. So here's how they stand after six matches, and if there's any more motivation for Green Wombat to perform well on matchday seven, they're fifth in the group on six points. But a win brings them potentially into third or fourth, and all of a sudden, they're right back in the hunt! And it keeps Dancougar from extending its lead, which gives them extra games to work with.

Diary Entry of Cristi Kries

In this unique domain of the Dreamed Realm, I find myself in a very odd state. My thoughts flow freely like a waterfall and I feel a sense of depthness that I thought could only be obtained by drinking the waters of the Godwell in Char Sara. Perhaps it is a side effect of their manipulation of this dimension, but whatever it may be, I have finally have found the time to deal with the pain I've been carrying these past two years. Like many of my brothers and sister elves I too had felt the void inside my spirit, yet I now feel whole again. I thought perhaps if I felt the same as I had prior to those terrible times, that surely my fellow teammates would as well. Much to my surprise, all of them still admitted to that feeling of being voided somehow.

Perhaps it is because the night prior to our venture here into the Dreamed Realm I had a dream where I was having to fight off those horrendous creatures that had invaded our realm. Unlike many of the nightmares I have had with the same situation, this time I was not overcome and destroyed. No, for the first time my sister and brother were there in my dream leading a group of Goliaths to my rescue. Strange that it would be those two that would appear in my dream, as I have not have had much contact with them since our parents were killed by the invaders. I wonder how many other families are now torn apart, how many other sons and daughters are now orphans. Though elven we may be, we still need that embrace of family, for what would we be without it?

Hawk continues to amaze me, though by this point nothing he does should surprise me. I have always known Laborious for being a excellent footballer and a leader in the lockeroom. Yet it was not until last week that I was to find out how philosophical he could be. He had found me weeping over lost friends and family, cursing the drow and humans and anything that I thought caused our disaster or those that refused to offer aid. He set me down and spoke to me as if there was a calmness in him that refused to be shaken, even when tragic events are transpiring all around him. He made me realize how little differences there are between us elves and the mortals we feel soo superior to. How we should be honored to have humans working with us, trying to make this a better world.

As for football, well the national team continues to ride the wave of success, once again toppling our Monk hosts. I think they were none the pleased when I scored our only goal, the only goal in the game in fact. They seem to look upon women with a touch of disdain, so it is easy to see how me scoring would make them annoyed. For me, I am happy to do my part, and this being my second goal of the campaign, should hopefully have those nosy critics off my back. I am amazed at the progress va Drake has made at Green Island, as I saw him before he made off to the Zapata club. He was an average talent who could be great, but the odds were stacked against him, much like Zetaback. Somehow though, the Zapata side is able to turn our average talents into superstars, though the Turkish run through the TQCC shows that their league is one of the best in the world.

I suppose now would be a good time to try to find a suitable partner. Though I have dated, none of the potential partners have struck a chord in me, shown me that a future with them could be possible. Men and women both have had their chances, but nothing has made my heart stir with excitement or steal my breath. Seven hundred plus years is enough time to fool around, even for an elf, it's time to start preparing for my longterm future. I shall make my prayers to Elune and then do my part in looking in my suitable characters. As a good priest once said, Elune does not help those that do not help themselves first.

THE ROCKET REPORT

LOUD-ON DUD

Loudon, Newmanistan- There's not alot more that can be said about last night's game against the world's 4th-ranked mystery team, other then it was a complete dud. The Rockets were flat, which was surprising because they seemed to talk a good game coming into the contest. Who knows, perhaps they were looking past this game for their next one against the Turks, but if it wasn't obvious before, it is now. Something's missing. Sqornshelous won the game 3-1. Be very, very glad, our goal differential only suffered a -2, because it could have been much worse.

Without the names of the players that thoroughly dominated the contest, giving you a full comprehensive report is tough, and if you watched the game, you suffered enough. A loud crowd at the Jungle in Loudon made themselves heard in support of the team prior to the opening whistle, as getting some kind of point here would be important for the Rockets chances of advancement. But the Sqornshelians quickly shut them down with a 4th minute goal that Corey Hennis really should have got. They scored again in the 11th minute, and thoughts of an upset quickly faded away. The Rockets improved defensively for a little while, but it was still the visitors getting possession and getting chances for the duration of the first half, and if Hennis didn't make up for the softie in the 4th with some clutch stops in the latter part of the half, this game could have gotten real ugly, real quick.

Newmanistan was its best at the start of the second half. Brian Carson tried to instill some life in the team and make them believe that a comeback could still happen as they were fortunate to only be down by two goals. For the first 15 minutes of the second half, the Rockets control the play and the crowd tried to get back in the game. In the 61st minute, Shawn Drummond fired home a shot from in close to make it 2-1, and for a short moment, it looked like we might have a game on our hands. Not helping matters was the swift Sqornshelian reaction as on the preceding kickoff, they quickly charged the net and scored a 62nd minute goal to recapture a 2-goal lead. That sucked all the life out of the Rockets. Carson tried to get it back with some uncharacteristic substitutions, but the spark he wanted to get from it never happened. With the win, the mysterious Sqornshelians assert themselves as the team to beat, and the Rockets fall to 2-0-4. Not dead, but on their last breath. They must win out now. No exceptions.

Brian Carson was so upset with the teams performance after the match, that he made them unavailable for post game reaction for the media afterwards. In summary he told us, "The only good thing is we only lost 3-1. This was a terrible performance. I promise you though, we will take it out on Kose and The Turkomans and be back for them."

At least we have the World Baseball Classic and the International Basketball Championships. Things are actually going well there.

QBC WORLD CUP XLI COVERAGE

"Hello all, I'm Beck Davidham, We here at QBC are here to cover the Qazox-Fmjphoenix match, the 6th qualifer today from Fmjphoenix. The first meeting between these two was a dominating Qazox victory 3-0. But this is the road and Qazox, though they win often enough, usually find a power outage on the road and this could be one of those games.

The referees are ready, the anthems have been played, and we're ready to go!"

<Match Fast Forward>

"Anderson Tarricone slips it past the keeper off the passes from Reyes and Cruz-Preli, it's 1-nil Qazox in just the 4th minute of play and the crowd is deafingly quiet."

<Match Fast Forward>

"Still 1-nil here in the 26th minute. Cruz-Preli finds Reyes, back to Spingler, over to Jaus, who fires it, deflected, cleared out.. no kept in by Spingler, finds Tarricone and GOOOOOOAL! 2-0 Qazox on Anderson Tarricone's 2nd goal of the match and it looks like his quad has fully recovered! The Fmjpheonix team looks dejected and I don't blame them, you have to clear out the rebounds."

<Match Fast Forward>

"2-nil Qazox, just about 10 minutes into the second half here as Reyes lines up for the Corner. headed out by the defense, stolen by Renna Valladores, over to Jaus, back to Reyes, over to Spingler, a shot, OFF THE FAR POST! cleared out, Fmjpheonix moving it out, stolen by Tarricone, only one man back jukes shoots and GOOOOAL! a Hat-trick for Tarricone here in the 54th minute and some of the home crowd is leaving the stadium, 3-0 Qazox all off the feet of Tarricone!."

<Match Fast Forward>

"Olivia St. Louis, who came in for a seemingly injured Evelo, will make the throw-in to Reyes, who finds an unmarked de Olivares along the near side, de Olivares stutters a bit, finds the ball again shoots and.. through the keeper's hands and a GOOOOOAL! 4-nil now for the Pheonix as they just keep the pressure on."


<Match End>
"Qazox dominate again in a 4-1 win, allowing a late goal by Fmjphoenix to cut the final deficit to 3 goals. An impressive road victory, a rarity for this team. Now they travel back home for Aleos at Champions Field, Qazox City, for the first ever international match, not including the OXEN Cup, held in the stadium."

We have other scores from Group 7, and here they are:
Aleos 0-2 Zwangzug (FINAL)
Acapais 2-1 Orion Star Empire (FINAL)


And scores from around the Q continuum:
Blouman Empire 2-2 Green Wombat (FINAL)
Prux 1-2 Rennidan (FINAL)
Taeshan 1-0 Lithima (FINAL)

And the match summary for all:
Qazox: (goal) Anderson Tarricone- 4'
Qazox: (goal) Anderson Tarricone- 27'
Qazox: (goal) Anderson Tarricone- 54'
Sub: Qazox- Raul de Olivares in for Anderson Tarricone- 63'
Sub: Qazox- Olivia St. Louis in for Tenesha Evelo- 69'
Qazox: (goal) Raul de Olivares- 78'
Fmjphoenix: (goal)- 87'

Qazox Scoring:
Kallie Jaus- 4 (1 PK)
Anderson Tarricone- 4
Renna Valladores- 2
Raul de Olivares- 2
Stevie Spingler
Charles Marquis (1 PK)

Bookings:
Shillingford- 1 Yellow
Stasinos- 1 Yellow
Reyes- 1 Yellow

Green Wombat Daily Tattler

The Wombats draw once again, 2-2 with the Blouman Empire. The draw keeps the team in 5th place, now only 4 points out of 4th, with matches agaisnt the top 3 coming up over the next 2 weeks. the first of those is Dancougar, whom we drew 1-1 on the road, hopefully we can use the home field advantage to our advantage and win and if a couple other teams lose, we'll have regained a small contol over our destiny.

Up next the aforementioned Dancougar, whose only group blemish is the draw we had 2 months ago. Worse case, Dancougar will still leave unbeaten, but with 2 draws, both against us, and best case, a 2-1 Wombats win.

Scoring:
Mike Sink (GW)- 28'
Blouman empire- 52'
Blouman empire- 61'
Claudia Bard- 85'


Schedule/ Results
MD1: vs. Blouman Empire LOSE 0-2
MD2: @ Dancougar Draw 1-1
MD3: @ Free Krytenia Rebels LOSE 2-4
MD4: vs. Az-cz Draw 2-2
MD5: vs. Ofedestan WIN 2-0
Mid-Qualifying Break
MD6: @ Blouman Empire Draw 2-2
MD7: vs. Dancougar
MD8: vs. Free Krytenia Rebels
MD9: @ Az-cz
MD10: @ Ofedestan
RECORD: 1-3-2

Predicted record: 5-2-3.

PRUXTON GLOBE

Dateline: Griffin Stadium, Pruxton
Reason: Matchday Six

Result: 1-2 home loss to Rennidan

Scoring:
Renn- Nicholi Drentum- 30'
Renn- Mo Siv- 62'
Prux- Jumbo Duck: 78'

Summary:
Three straight losses, four if you count the Dancougar friendly; and now the ROBODUCKS are 6 points behind Rennidan, and they hold the tiebreaker. Might as well ask for that CoH berth now.

Match rating (1-5): 0.5
Rating reasoning: Whatever Gearloss is doing, it isn't working and now maybe this idiotic idea of using robotic waterfowl will be put to rest after we are eliminated in about a week.

Next match: @ Tokyoni
Previous result: 1-1 Draw @ Prux

Projected result: 2-1 Prux win
Betting line: Prux +0.5; over/under: 2.5

Belshazzar the king made a great feast to a thousand of his lords, and drank wine before the thousand.

Belshazzar, whiles he tasted the wine, commanded to bring the golden and silver vessels which his father Nebuchadnezzar had taken out of the temple which was in Jerusalem; that the king, and his princes, his wives, and his concubines, might drink therein.

Then they brought the golden vessels that were taken out of the temple of the house of God which was at Jerusalem; and the king, and his princes, his wives, and his concubines, drank in them.

They drank wine, and praised the gods of gold, and of silver, of brass, of iron, of wood, and of stone.

In the same hour came forth fingers of a man's hand, and wrote over against the candlestick upon the plaister of the wall of the king's palace: and the king saw the part of the hand that wrote.

Then the king's countenance was changed, and his thoughts troubled him, so that the joints of his loins were loosed, and his knees smote one against another.

The king cried aloud to bring in the astrologers, the Chaldeans, and the soothsayers. And the king spake, and said to the wise men of Babylon, Whosoever shall read this writing, and shew me the interpretation thereof, shall be clothed with scarlet, and have a chain of gold about his neck, and shall be the third ruler in the kingdom.

Then came in all the king's wise men: but they could not read the writing, nor make known to the king the interpretation thereof.

Then was king Belshazzar greatly troubled, and his countenance was changed in him, and his lords were astonied.

Now the queen by reason of the words of the king and his lords came into the banquet house: and the queen spake and said, O king, live for ever: let not thy thoughts trouble thee, nor let thy countenance be changed:

There is a man in thy kingdom, in whom is the spirit of the holy gods; and in the days of thy father light and understanding and wisdom, like the wisdom of the gods, was found in him; whom the king Nebuchadnezzar thy father, the king, I say, thy father, made master of the magicians, astrologers, Chaldeans, and soothsayers;

Forasmuch as an excellent spirit, and knowledge, and understanding, interpreting of dreams, and shewing of hard sentences, and dissolving of doubts, were found in the same Daniel, whom the king named Belteshazzar: now let Daniel be called, and he will shew the interpretation.

Then was Daniel brought in before the king. And the king spake and said unto Daniel, Art thou that Daniel, which art of the children of the captivity of Judah, whom the king my father brought out of Jewry?

I have even heard of thee, that the spirit of the gods is in thee, and that light and understanding and excellent wisdom is found in thee.

And now the wise men, the astrologers, have been brought in before me, that they should read this writing, and make known unto me the interpretation thereof: but they could not shew the interpretation of the thing:

And I have heard of thee, that thou canst make interpretations, and dissolve doubts: now if thou canst read the writing, and make known to me the interpretation thereof, thou shalt be clothed with scarlet, and have a chain of gold about thy neck, and shalt be the third ruler in the kingdom.

Then Daniel answered and said before the king, Let thy gifts be to thyself, and give thy rewards to another; yet I will read the writing unto the king, and make known to him the interpretation.

O thou king, the most high God gave Nebuchadnezzar thy father a kingdom, and majesty, and glory, and honour:

And for the majesty that he gave him, all people, nations, and languages, trembled and feared before him: whom he would he slew; and whom he would he kept alive; and whom he would he set up; and whom he would he put down.

But when his heart was lifted up, and his mind hardened in pride, he was deposed from his kingly throne, and they took his glory from him:

And he was driven from the sons of men; and his heart was made like the beasts, and his dwelling was with the wild asses: they fed him with grass like oxen, and his body was wet with the dew of heaven; till he knew that the most high God ruled in the kingdom of men, and that he appointeth over it whomsoever he will.

And thou his son, O Belshazzar, hast not humbled thine heart, though thou knewest all this;

But hast lifted up thyself against the Lord of heaven; and they have brought the vessels of his house before thee, and thou, and thy lords, thy wives, and thy concubines, have drunk wine in them; and thou hast praised the gods of silver, and gold, of brass, iron, wood, and stone, which see not, nor hear, nor know: and the God in whose hand thy breath is, and whose are all thy ways, hast thou not glorified:

Then was the part of the hand sent from him; and this writing was written.

And this is the writing that was written, MENE, MENE, TEKEL, UPHARSIN.

This is the interpretation of the thing: MENE; God hath numbered thy football team, and finished it.

TEKEL; Thou art weighed in the balances, and art found wanting.

PERES; Thy defence is divided, and given to the Wentland forwards.

Then commanded Belshazzar, and they clothed Daniel with scarlet, and put a chain of gold about his neck, and made a proclamation concerning him, that he should be the third ruler in the kingdom.

In that night was Tokyoni the king of the Group that is called A slain.

And Wentland took the victory, being about a goal ahead by the end of the match.

http://img187.imageshack.us/img187/8029/dailyturkpy7.png
Turks Gain Valuable Win
In a excellent performance by Riyahd al-Kosedium, the Turks maintained a clean sheet and gained three points to aid to their cause leaving Vephrall, in third place.

The first attack set the tone of the game as Serkan Turkmen forced a brilliant save from the Hockey Canada Keeper, and from the resulting corner a Tumer Arda header struck the post as he made a brilliant run in to make contact with the Sabri Gunes corner.

But this state of play would not last as the Hockey Canadians started to penetrate the defense and began to set up decent attacks their striker forcing an amazing save from al-Kosedium, from a decent header.

This however would be as good as things got, when Sinan Kose started up their defense was being torn apart as he caused defensive headaches, Uzulmez Yilmaz made the defense act as one unit stopping everything that came at them.

Sinan Kose finally got his goal from a sweet volley from the outside of the box into the top corner. Then Serkan Turkmen struck a free kick and just slipped it wide.

In the 83rd minute a major defensive blunder allowed Sinan in for another attack and he scored lobbing the keeper with an excellently place chip.

The final score ended a 2-0 victory.

Elsewhere.
Newmanistan 1-3 Squornshelous
Not the result Newmanistan, or we needed but it leaves Squornshelous top.
United Hetzel 0-0 Vephrall
A result that we needed as it allowed us to take a two point lead on Vephrall.

Match Preview vs. Newmanistan
Previous Result: 1-3 Defeat.
Form: L L W W L L
Position: 4th
World Ranking: None
Form vs. Turks: W W L
Review: They're a brilliant side on their night but this is on our turf and our fans will make it harder.
Verdict: 2-0.
Unavailable
Kazim (2 Games.)

THE ROCKET REPORT

WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE?


By: Kevin Collins

Kose and The Turkomans- I just flew into Kose and The Turkomans, and was greeted by a bunch of people wearing blue and white. It gave me a great feeling inside because even though qualifying has not been successful thus far, and the Rockets are coming off a very poor showing against the mysterious four seed, these people chose to travel thousands of miles to Kose and The Turkomans anyway to support the Rockets. If you remember the scene in Pocono City when we hosted the Turks, I can assure you that the reverse is happing out here in the land of Kose.

The Rockets players can say as much as they want that they "won the big one" against the Turks, referring to the Baptism of Fire, but a win here for the Turks, and it may be as big of a win, because it may send them to the World Cup as opposed to the Cup of Harmony, which looks to be where Newmanistan is heading. Newmanistan is not dead yet though, as we need to remember the lesson of World Cup 40. All but eliminated, they were in a position where they had to win their final three games, one of them against a team ranked considerably higher then they were. We know how that story ended. Now, there is no question that the only way the Rockets finish in the top two spots is to win their final games. They still won't control their own destiny, but its not unrealistic to think Vephrall and Sqornshelous can also beat the Turks, and that Sqornshelous would then beat Vephrall. If those results happened, and the Rockets won out, Newmanistan would finish second. So, don't completely give up hope yet.

Newmanistan has players that are known for stepping up when they are needed the most, and Jeremy McAllister is the first name that comes to mind. Jeremy has done nothing wrong in this tournament, though his goals per game average has been down in comparison to World Cup 40 qualifying. There was one positive that came from the Sqornshelous game, and that was Shawn Drummond scored a goal. Drummy can be streaky, and if that's a sign of good things to come for him, don't rule out the Rockets chances of winning out. There is no better coach in football at getting the most from his players when they appear down then Brian Carson, as well. And you could see it already by the way he acted when they left Loudon, you felt as though he did have a plan for how they would dig themselves out of it.

Speaking of Carson, some people may have heard some fans shouting "Can Carson!" in Loudon. This is not going to happen, it shouldn't happen and it won't. For those from other nations who think there could be something to it, this is just the Pocono City-Loudon domestic rivalry showing up. The football leagues of every nation of two top teams who are huge rivals. In Newmanistan, that is Pocono City and Loudon. Carson coaches Pocono City at the domestic level, so the Loudon fans just decided to make him their target. Plus, fuel to their fire is that Loudon's coach, Eric Andrews, coached the Oxen Cup effort while Carson was coaching the Di Bradini team. Both brought their team to the final, though both losing, in those competitions. So Loudon fans believe Andrews is capable. And he probably is. But the job is Carson's even if the Rockets dont get another point.

An in summary, what do I think of Kose and The Turkomans, the country? It's actually not a bad place, there are some similarities to Newmanistan, and the people here are really fanatics over sports, especially loving their football. Sinan Kose is an icon here just as much as Jeremy McAllister is in Newmanistan. They've recovered from their Star Wars reinactment just fine, so there are no security issues. Now, its time for these fans to see what makes Newmanistan football great right on their home turf. We need three points, and I say we get them.

The Nire Underground: Newspaper of the Revolution

President Nire has tightened his grip on the disputed territories with the passage of emergency measures designed to block the flow of information in and out of N&N. Rolling black outs and a massive food shortage has led N&N to the brink of collapse and reports from inside N&N indicate a rising death toll. Forced into exile we urge the international community to finally come to the aid of the people of Nire and Nire. Civil war has raged within N&N for almost 1000 years while the world has stood by and done nothing. Demands for sporting sanctions have fallen on death ears with the Nire and Nire side continuing to be involved in international football matches, even when N&N has not sent a team results have still been entered in N&N's favour. The question that continues to confound Nireans is why no one has come to help them.

On the horizon a ray of light is glimmering. For close to 1000 years Nireans and Nireans have fled their respective countries seeking greener pastures free from war. Until now, Nireans have integrated into foreign nations, trying to hide from the tyrannical grip of President Nire and his puppet leaders throughout the known world. But last week something happened. Something which has the potential to flourish into the beginning of the end for President Nire. Never before has a Nirean shown such strength to rebel against the establishment. From the relative safety of Zwangzug, where Anita Elsehow has spent the majority of her adult life, the seeds of revolution were sown. Anita fled Nire in 150 A.N at the age of 3 with her parents during the 5th Nire v Nire war after her village was destroyed by the invading army of the Oppressive Regime of Nire. Now, over 750 years later Anita made a decision which will change the course of history. She decided to travel to Magnus Valerius to watch the N&N world cup qualifying match. On arrival, and discovering the injury to Jose, Anita stepped in and took the field to represent her homeland - Nire.

Her heroic act should be an inspiration to Nireans and Nireans. She sent out the call to arms - urging all Nireans and Nireans in exile to join her in the Nire Liberation Army (NIL). If you are out there, let us know. Join the cause. The NIL has officially taken control of the N&N football team as the first step towards a unified Nire. We here at the Nire Underground echo the call, and ask for the international community to come to our aid.

"Oh yes, a win. Thank Zarquon," breathed Mark Tupper as the final whistle blew.

Meanwhile in a crowded office in Kirkenes:

"I'm going nuts trying to keep Yafor 2 and Yafanolie 2 straight," complained the frazzled Football Kelssek office peon. "I hope I haven't booked the team tickets to the wrong one."

---INTERMISSION FOR HAIKU---

Similar names might
Even really be the same
Confusion reigning

-------------------------------

"That was a good, solid win," Mark Tupper told the sportswriter who accosted him for a brief interview. "I'm happy about it. We need to keep scoring goals; that's the most important thing to win, score goals. Will that be in the paper?"

The reporter mumbled noncomittally.

"If we don't make the paper I'm going to kick you in the nuts the next time I see you." Mark Tupper moved to join his players in the dressing room, yelling as he went, "Don't quote me on that kicking in the nuts part!"

The Silly Report

Southern Northland and the planet Mars

Southern Northland must be aligned to the planet Mars! It's almost come to war with three different nations in short period of time, and then made up with the same nations later.

Firstly, SN had a tiff with Bostopia over some stolen ducks. Eventually both nations decided it was a stupid idea to have a war over a small matter and then become friends. They were so friendly SN and Bostopia embarked on a silly campaign to throw Pistachio nuts are Jeruselem's Dallas and Sallad girls. Of course, this started another problem.

President Sheridan of SN and Princess Marie-Antoinette Dallas of Jeruselem then had a war of words about the nut throwing. Bostopia backed it's new ally in secret, although they did realise Jeruselem maybe full of bimbos but it also it the Holy Land which not a soft touch in war. Eventually, both leaders calmed down and decide to let the SN fans be SN fans with their Pistachio nuts as long as no one got hurt.

And then Kose and The Turkomans came to play a "friendly" in a town called Little Greece. Jeruselemits know not to do stupid things like put Turks and Greeks together. Little Greece got trashed with armed forces from Kose and The Turkomans, SN and Bostopia turning up to try quell the violence. The Turks withdrew and left Little Greece to being the mess it is now.

Jeruselem is aligned to the planet Venus ... a small hot desolate planet. Venus is Aphrodite - a Goddess known for sleeping around, which Jeruselemite girls are also known for. Venus is the Goddess, prostitutes used to worship. Of course, we don't need Venus these days ...we have the Goddess, Dazza Dallas who pretty much is like a ancient Venus.

Read into Gods and astrology. Hopefully, SN will avoid another incident with another nation. In the meantime, Jeruselem will be Jeruselem or the "Whore of Babylon" if you ask some.

(Players gather in the hotel meeting room)

Borsinger: Hey guys, I got a trivia question for ya.

McAllister: Shoot.

Brooker: Don't say shoot in a country that's just coming off a war.

McAllister: My bad. (laughs) Go ahead, Tony.

Borsinger: What do Kose and The Turkomans, Sorthern Northland, and Bostopia have in common, in relation to Newmanistan?

Drummond: The warring countries, in relation to us?

McAllister: I know this.

Borsinger: Yes, their experiences with us, something very similar.

Brooker: I got it. It has to do with football.

Drummond: I figured that.

McAllister: Can I answer?

Borsinger: Go ahead.

McAllister: Teams that in Newmanistan's first three football tournaments that the Rockets had a pivotal game against. First, Di Bradini Cup 4 where we beat Sorthern Northland in the semifinal, then the Baptism of Fire where we beat the Turks in the final, and then Bostopia, the team in World Cup 40 qualifying, we had the playoff in and lost on the away goals rule.

Drummond: Oh yeah. I forget Sorthern Northland. Doh!

Borsinger: Very good J-Mac.

Brooker: I could never forget that Sorthern Northland game.

McAllister: So we figured out why they went to war. It was their bitterness over their losses to us. Well, not Bostopia. So they wanted to take it out on each other and make sure they ended it before we came to their house. That's why Bostopia really didn't get involved the way the other two did, because since they realized that they did beat us, they didn't see a reason to fight.

Drummond: Yeah, I'm sure that was the reason.

Borsinger: So J-Mac, what's up with the engagement plans?

McAllister: The ring will be ready when we get back to Newmanistan. Though I'll just have them hold it for me until we get back from Hockey Canada.

Drummond: Propose at the Proving Grounds.

Brooker: Yeah that'd be sweet. Right before we play United Hetzel.

Borsinger: Proving Grounds lore says that it is the start of big things for those who respect it. Propose there, and it will probably be a great omen for your relationship.

McAllister: You know, I never looked at it that way. That is an outstanding idea.

Brooker: Have your wedding there too! (laughs)

McAllister: Now that would be something.

Borsinger: And I hope whoever has your ring is punished greatly.



- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

(Moments after team meeting : The Vilardi sisters talk again)

Jennifer: I can't believe this. Three times I have given Jeremy a drugged up drink and not once has he passed out so I could take advantage of him.

Shannon: Are you sure you're using enough of the pills?

Jennifer: Yes! He should be out cold in no time!

Shannon: Have you actually seen him drink it?

Jennifer: No. Dammit no! Now that I think of it he's always either walked away with it or took it to another room and came back with it empty.

Shannon: Maybe he's dumping it down the sink or the toilet?

Jennifer: Why would he do that?

Shannon: Are you sure he's not, well, on to you?

Jennifer: I don't think so, he hasn't led me to believe that he thinks I am up to something. We gotta make this happen before he picks up his replacement ring! Or else.....

Shannon: You're not really thinking about doing the alternative phase two, are you?

Jennifer: It's my only hope. I can get a citizen of Kose and The Turkomans to do it. Promise him some money and some action and he takes care of Ashley. We can attribute her death to the war.

Shannon: They declared peace. There is no war now.

Jennifer: Well we can attribute it to someone who is still bitter over the war and didn't want it to end.

Shannon: Nah, I guess we could just say it was a fanatical Kose and The Turkomans fans who's still very, very bitter over the Baptism of Fire, who knew Ashley was the girlfriend of our star player, so he took it out on her and killed her.

Jennifer: Nice I like that! See you can be just as evil as me!

Shannon: Well, we are twins!

"You guys..." said Coach Wetygrew. "We almost had it there."

"I'm sorry," said back Frank Bersad. "It's just that that one guy was playing pretty dirty. And then he had a breakaway... I thought I was out of the box!"

"No, it's my fault," said keeper Roy Ike. "I should have stopped that. It just barely glanced off my hand. Grrrr!"

"Well, whatever it is," said Wetygrew. "I hope to see it remedied in practice tomorrow. It's all-day. We will be working on conditioning, because I saw that slowness midfielders, and offensive playmaking. We had several good scoring opportunites."

"Tell me about it," said Connor da Vincho, striker. "I was usually at the receiving end of them. Except some of them were wide."

"You know... there is a way to boost our playing." said Wetygrew with a smirk on his face.

"What is it?" asked Ike.

"Well... some players might not want to do this except Connor, not that he needs too. But, the Premier managed to get me clearance for some steroids."

"But won't we get caught?" questioned Aaron Zackrison, who desperately needed them.

"Nope. The World Cup Committee never runs drug tests. Who wants to do it?"

Everyone on the team raised their hand except for da Vincho and Ike.

"OK then, for our next game versus that United Capitalizt States team, we'd better win! We tied them last time!"

The Bostopian Government wishes to point out to Jeruselem that while we did indeed have a dispute over stolen ducks, it was not with Sorthern Northland. The ducks were stolen by Candeleria and Marquez.

We also wish to make it clear that we will be announcing the pull-out of Bostopian troops from Sorthern Northland within the next 4 hours.

http://img134.imageshack.us/img134/7993/dailyturkjo0.png
Kose Sehir Sees Blue
The Newmanistani fans have arrived, they have been welcomed by the mass of Red and Black in the capital this will make for an interesting if not hostile atmosphere however this has not been a rivalry of hate but of competitive spirit. Sinan Kose who marked his return form suspension in the 3-0 win over and got his 51st goal for his nation has said "These are the games you live for, the rivalry and the quality of the players at this level add in that we need the win here." The Turks will be confident of a win here after they won in Newmanistan and will hope for a repeat performance. The city is in a state of delirium, as the short lived war has been put in the back of peoples minds as all they care about today is the big game.

Sultan Ibrahim will make an appearance at the game to show his support to his nation he will be inside the Kralin Kutu literally the Kings Box for which prices have been halved as have prices all around the stadium after the difference will be made up by the Sultan, this offer is extended to the away fans who made the journey to K&TT.

The game is said to be the one which will decide the fate of both teams as Newmanistan need the win to keep up in the race for qualification and K&TT need it to keep their 2 point cushion on Vephrall.

Alhrem is said to be very confident in his teams abilities and it is the strength of character which will force them through these tough games, before the big ones against Vephrall and Squornshelous.

Imagine that Knight Win

Holy cheese fries the Purple Knights soccer team won yet another gam in group ten of world cup qualifying. They defeated the only team they had not thus far in the cup Lithima who beat them in the last matchup 2-1. The Knights are still only two points ahead of Jerusalem, and four ahead of third place Sorthern Northland going into there big away game at Jerusalem that will decide wether they make it to the World Cup or not. If they win they stay in first place, and p[ractically clinch the finals, a tie will keep them in first also, but a very close first, and a lose will make it a shootout with Sorthern Northland in the final games. If they can win or tie the Knight may qualify for the cup for the first time ever in there six years of international play.

Last night was a home game for the Knights as they faced the Lithima team at Docktown Memorial stadium, with a crowd of 480,456 fans, mostly Tae fans this time to watch the snowy game. Since it is late september in Taeshan it was a snowy day like every monthe except June, and July when it sometimes gets above 50 degrees, but anyway back to the game. The Knights easily defeated the Lithima squad out of a revenge against there earlier win. Brian Ying Uing scored the only goal needed in the game in the 56th minute of a free kick from the half field circle that the Lithima goalie missed and the ball went in and the Knights won.

World Cup 41: Match Day Six

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/rennidan.png Rennidan : Prux http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/prux.png
2:1



Match Report:

Griffin Stadium, Pruxton - Rivalries are always something that I enjoy being sent to report on. The Southern Eagles versus Ulii match of '86 perhaps being the best, in which both sides ended up involved in Rennidan's largest domestic football riot during halftime, but whilst fights raged outside the stadium, both teams went back onto the pitch to play the second half, and they ended up drawing 5-5.

Today though, I am sat within the Griffin Stadium in Pruxton, proudly wearing my nations green and gold of away matches. It's a fairly even packing here of supporters, with roughly half here to support Rennidan, the others the Pruxton Roboducks.

Now then, a bit of back story for those of you that weren't paying attention over the last many weeks.

The rivalry between Rennidan and Pruxton is fresh, and goes back only as far as the start of this very World Cup, when a reporter from Pruxton hastily suggested that they could get the better over Rennidan with ease. Whilst many saw it as a simple line of text and a Pruxton reporter simply trying to be patriotic to his national team, some people in Rennidan felt a bit insulted. Thus, some Rennidanian reporters started suggesting that, perhaps, Pruxton was a bit on the poor side of playing. They suggested that none of the Pruxton people were good at football, so they used robotic ducks.

This, of course, upset some more people from Pruxton.

And the rest is pretty much obvious.

Flash forwards to Pruxtons first match against Rennidan, which ended narrowly at a 2-2 draw.

Everyone was relatively happy that both sides had shown what they are capable of, and simply accepted it and wandered (or waddled) off home.

The rivalry, however, continued.

Flash forwards some more, and this rivalry is the exact reason I've been sent on an all-expenses-paid trip to Pruxton to watch my favourite sport in the world, football. Pretty nice job, eh?

So, here I now sit laptop at hand, beer at my side and surrounded by my fellow Rennidan supporters who were getting a wee bit on the loud side. It's never been said that Rennidanian supporters are the most polite of fans, and now I can see why.

As I sip the Pruxton beer (not as fruity as Rennidanian brands, I wish to point out, and the alcohol content is somewhat lower, but still tastes pretty damn good), I see both sides line up for the national anthems.

Now, as a grown man who has been around for fifty seven odd years (my wife, after reading this over my shoulder when I got back home, is keen to point out I'm sixty next month), who has travelled the majority of this bizarre yet wonderful world, can guarantee you that even I have never seen anything quite as beautifully odd as this. Twelve robotic ducks, lined up like a small child would to their toes, barking out the Pruxton National Anthem in their Microsoft Sam voices?

Freeeeaky.

And then, of course, came the rapture of applause as the Rennidan side mumbled their way through 'Behind These Walls We Survive'.

And then, of course, came the football!

Straight away, Rennidan had an early chance, when MacOlv dropped the ball superbly up field to Drentum's feet. He was challenged by a waddling Dougal Duck, and after some quick footwork, persevered and pushed on past the crazy contraption, allowing Drentum to kick a cross down pitch to the waiting Mo Siv, who, unfortunately struck it slightly off-key and the ball just clipped the crossbar, going up and over for a goal kick.

Prux were quick to show the stadium that they could also make a challenging run for goal, and Mumbo Duck made a wonderful run down past the Rennidan defence (for some reason, Samual "The Wall" Fortal seemed reluctant to go near the robotic duck). As he went to strike the ball however, Harri Belon slid in to nab the ball from beneath the player's webbed feet, and before you could quack, was off on a glorious rampage through the Pruxton midfield.

Thirty minutes in, and Rennidan struck home when Sammi MacOlv, off of a headed interception from Daniel Malakolo, volleyed the ball up into the Pruxton box, where Drentum neatly tucked it away past Dizzy Duck to take the away side one-nil up.

The zone where I was sat erupted suddenly, and the man behind me almost knocked me unconscious when his beer belly was flung into the back of my head from the sheer force of his joyful leaping. Needless to say, the rest of my report on the match is a bit dazed and was full of intelligible sentences, thanks to my newly found concussion.

Halftime came, I went to refill my beer, buy a pretzel and a RoboDucks hat for my grandson, and came back to find my beer-bellied friend drunkenly passed out and drooling on my chair. With a slight concussion (and slight alcohol consumption present) I sat down, merrily unaware of how much the man was actually capable of dribbling down my back.

I seem to remember myself leaping up in joy when Sammi MacOlv made another fantastic pass from the halfway line down into the box, where Mo Siv slid in and headed it from the ground into the Pruxton net. After that, things seem to get a bit blurry again.

I am, however, assured that Jumbo Duck did indeed go on a solo-run for goal in the 78th minute but, by this time, I fear I was long gone to the land of doo-la-le (then again, I was watching a team of robotic ducks play).

Hangover on the horizon, I made my way back to the hotel, where I would then catch a flight to Rennidan to see my family and prepare for Rennidan's home match against Kirrin Island.



Scoring:
Rennidan - Nicholi Drentum (Sammi MacOlv) - 30
Rennidan - Mo Siv (Sammi MacOlv) - 62
Prux - Jumbo Duck - 78



Booking:
Clean Match.

_________

Rennidan Goal Scorers:
3 - Michael Ronnan
3 - Nicholi Drentum
2 - Mo Siv
1 - Robert Golos
1 - Sammi MacOlv


Rennidan Assists Leaders:
4 - Sammi MacOlv
1 - Mo Siv
1 - Michael Ronnan
1 - Samual Fortal
1 - Jo Malkoa

Rennidan Bookings:
Micah Desono - 1 Red

_________

http://i280.photobucket.com/albums/kk176/rennidan/Logo-3.png

Rennidan: Matchday Six Preview.

RENNIDAN versus KIRRIN ISLAND


Weather: http://i280.photobucket.com/albums/kk176/rennidan/121212122.jpg

Expected Attendance: 65,000

Oh, we've been here before. People were expecting us to go easy on Kirrin Island last time and, well, they couldn't be more wrong. This time, I doubt things will be any different.

We need those points badly if we wish to qualify for the World Cup, so sorry Kirrin Island, but we're coming with the big guns.


LIKELY OUTCOME: RENNIDAN 3 - 0 KIRRIN ISLAND

<From Coach Leni Banama’s MySpot page>

Damn this is one messed up Cup. Other than Minna having a blast because of these outrageous rule changes that are taking place this time around, the rest of the team hates this offensive mindset we’re being forced to use. I mean Jariss is built on the thrill of a 0-0 draw where even the tiniest mistake is the difference between victory and defeat. Where a wall of defense stands tall ready to crush any offensive sent against it.

And what do we have here? Disgustingly high scoring sloppy matches where everyone and their brother seems to want to put the ball in the net, and are doing so. Oh sure people may be happy we’re 4-0-2 and in second place by a couple points and might be able to qualify with a couple key wins. But honestly what Jarissian wants to get into the world cup in such a tainted way. Our traditions are most important to us and defensive play is our most hallowed sporting tradition and its being tossed out the window into the sea.

Look at these numbers. 13 goals scored. By a Jarissian team? That’;s maybe a full qualifying run in a group of 8 or more teams. We’re one game past the halfway point in a six team group. Disgraceful, I’m glad the network refuses to show the matches in anyway. Old time fans would get a heart attack over these non-Jarissian performances. Just as bad is 9 goals allowed, already?!? Sure we may have allowed more before but there was always a double 3 or 4 goal effort by the top seed that skewed the numbers. Poor Tali isn’t used to having so much of the field wide open in front of her to deal with. She’s had to adjust on the fly though she finally managed to get a strong shutout here in today’s game. Hopefully I can cheat back some of our midfielders and close some of the lanes the rest of the way. Of course Minna had a hattrick on offense though. Bit of an overkill but I suppose we need all the GD we can get in this crazy cup.

Let’s see if we can make it two shutouts in a row now, get some real Jariss matches going before things get way out of hand.

Slip Into A Higher Gear
Starblaydia lose ground in Group 12

After four consecutive wins, one of which in a friendly, Starblaydia's qualification drive for the Forty-First World Cup impacted a fairly major speed bump as they lost for the second time in the Qualifiers against Tynelia. This time it wasn't just a 1-0 loss, but a 3-0 hiding that left Starblaydi players, staff and fans dreary and dismal.

Young Sally MacDougal, who scored the winning, and only, goal of the first game, again tormented Starblaydia with a brace to which Logan Smith added a third to truly kill off any hopes of a Starblaydi fightback. It is evident that, despite all the progress in the last decade and despite the obvious individual quality across the squad - as proven at club level - there is still a long way for Starblaydia to go before they can hammer down the door of the fabled Top Ten. Starblaydia's own appearances in the top ten are now almost the subject of myth and legend, with few football fans around today who can really say they beheld Starblaydia in the prime of their power, when they were the best team in the world and justifiably feared by every football team on the planet. Defenders quaked at the thought of facing Johan Keifner and Jacqueline Maitland, strikers balked when coming up against Stephen Adams, Tabitha Di Bradini, David Bedford, when the midfield was ruled by Pedro Rujano, Rajko Dakic, Paul Noble and Durum Range. They were just the names that echoed down the ages of Starblaydi football, and there were plenty more of pace, power and commitment - not to mention incredible amounts of skill - who stood alongside them.

Some of the current squad have proven that they could stand in equal company alongside those famous names - Leandro Perheira, Alfonso Di Angelo and Jae Chang-hwa. Some now could easily progress into players of that stature, like Batou Nakamura, Lubii and Jaime Kuu. The problem with this squad, as proven twice against Tynelia and even in the 3-3 against Magnus Valerius, is that they have the tendancy, as a team, to fade out of the game. However good the individuals or basic defence, midfield and attack components are, the entire team needs to come together and play as one for ninety minutes. This will be Lex Panarii's number one priority in the remainder of the four qualifying matches as Starblaydia sit just a single point clear of Magnus Valerius, who will be visiting the Jader Barbalho Stadium in the next Group match. Starblaydia will have to gain a win there, otherwise the nerves will start to appear and Panarii's team will even be contemplating an unwanted Cup of Harmony appearance.

It was, however, only one match. One defeat - even in addition to the solitary other defeat and draw they have managed to stutter over in the six matches - does not an atrocious Qualifying run make. Starblaydia are still in the second qualification spot and are still on-course to appear in their twenty-second World Cup Finals. With any luck, they may even cruise through the rest of the group and away to Daehanjeiguk or Ad'ihan. There's always hope, particularly with Starblaydia.

((OOC- Star our score was 3-1 not 3-0 this time))

“Hello Brothers and Brother-Sisters of the Lord of Scores and even those who have yet to see the light and are merely curious or about to take the first step in seeing His divinity at last. This is the Lord’s Will, a show dedicated to the glory of the Lord of Scores and in search of signs of His divine will. I am Brother Jeffery and with me is Brother-Sister Amanda. Isn’t it wonderful that our Lord has finally gained its own television program?”

“Indeed it is Brother Jeffery. Praise be His name as His word continues to spread and the numbers of his followers grow.”

“Speaking of His followers growing, it seems that our Lord has chosen our Hippos as the instrument of His vengeance this World Cup for forbidding not only our Tynelian team but many other squads such as Bettia for instance who unknowingly follow His path with their preferred style of scoring as much as they can, as He has so decreed.”

“Yes Brother James, truly our undefeated 6-0-0 record with twice triumphing over our nemesis of old from the days of darkness Starblaydia is a sign of His divine will in action. Once more do we stand atop the most devoted teams to His will. Our grip on the top spot all but unbreakable and no doubt we shall shortly clinch our triumphant return once more to the Cup itself.”

“Truly Brother-Sister Amanda His Light shines down upon our team as we have struck home 16 times in observance of His glory. But He is not a selfish being our Lord of Scores, though Tynelia is His favored nation he does not horde His blessings for us alone. No indeed. Milchama- our bane of the last Cup stands even more blessed with 18 goals as do regular rival Bazalonia and teams such as Yafor 2 and Dancougar as well. Though the most blessed are the Capalizt Slani who have gained 19 of his blessings. Of the others it is no doubt part of our Lord’s humor to grant West Starblaydia 17 of His blessings while the far larger Starblaydian tradition has a mere 10.”

“Praise be His selfless glory to share with so many. However there are those who have displeased him either knowingly or not and so He has turned his face away from them. United Hetzel, Fujisawan Territories and Nehrland suffer with a mere three blessings to this point for their sins. Dariusville not only has been relegated to a mere two blessings by our Lord’s will but have been banished from the Cup itself at this early point in the qualifiers. However truly Unified Beretania suffers the wrath of the Lord with but a single blessing to their name. Perhaps in time they might repent of their secret sins that His light may shine down upon them once more.”

“I completely agree Brother-Sister Amanda. And let it be said that though these other teams have been granted more blessings on the field it has not always granted them triumph and even some teams not so blessed have learned to horde and value their blessings and join us in perfection to this point. Bettia, those blessed West Starblaydians, and Demot alone can say they are perfect to this point.”

“And as a sign of His forgiveness and willingness to reach out even to those claim to be His greatest foes. After teaching the monks of the Archregimancy humility by denying them victory in their first two matches, the Lord of Scores has relented and given them three victories to return to the top tier of their group despite this last loss. Though in an effort to teach them proper respect our Lord has granted them relatively few blessings in the hopes that the monks might learn to value them for what they are and see His light at long last.”

“Truly His ways are beyond our own in so many ways. Blessed are we to have come to see His glory first.”

“Indeed Brother Jeffery, we are truly a blessed folk. And now it is nearly time for services to begin so we must end this program. I believe Brother Aaron and Brother Biff were to be the captains this time?”

“You are correct as always Brother-Sister Amanda. So for this revealing of the Lord’s Will I say this service has concluded. Go with the light of the Lord of Scores at your side at all times.”

“Amen.”

“…fficial statement to the effect that there was no Candelariasian involvement in Bostopian Duck Stealinggate. In interview with the Lunchtime News, Foreign Secretary Tate Sayfritz instead shifted the blame onto the Newmanistanianianianian Empire.

“Well football now, and Hear me boys, take my advice, to the Candelarias I’ll have ye’s not be going, There is nothing here but war, where the murderin’ cannons roar, And I wish I was at home in dear old Kolanderaz. Yes, our intrepid Lizzy Capper is in Ireland, and specifically the currently fallen state of Kolanderaz, along with thousands of Candelariasians who’ve just witnessed – perhaps – something of a revival in the Big Blues’ fortunes. Lizzy?”

“Yes, that’s right, Jenny, I’m here in Kolanderaz, Ireland, the genetic home, of course, of dozens of Candelariasians whose ancestors made their way to our islands in the 1840s and ‘50s. Indeed, C&M’s very own Ciaran Kelly’s great-great-great-grandmother may have come from here all those years ago, and it –”

“And it was quite a homecoming for Kelly, wasn’t it, Lizzy?”

“Yes, that’s right, Jenny, it was quite a homecoming for Kelly, as part of a C&M side that ran out comfortable winners here, and gave their slim hopes of qualifying for the World Cup proper a real boost. It w–”

“It was an interesting team from Kris Healy, wasn’t it?”

“I… Yes, Jenny, it really was; Healy surprised many people by sticking with the forward line that had proven so toothless against the Algal States; with Ramiro Novo still on the bench and Ignacio Vélez on his own up front. With his brother Rául tucked in behind him, alongside Merlin Siriwong, Hea–”

“Lizzy… Are you standing in the shadow of an enormous statue of Milo from the Tweenies?”

“Yes, Jenny… I was going to come on to that in a moment. As everybody knows, I’m sure, Kolanderaz is ruled by a three year-old monarch. Apart from his insistence on trying to sing the national anthems this doesn’t appear to cause too many problems, although the Confederacy is currently ceased, as we know. These days that’s par for the course, obviously, but I’ll certainly be keeping close watch that I don’t, a-ha, start fading out of existence!”

“Ha, quite!”

“Yes. Although, obvious–”

“Obviously that would be ridiculous.”

“It would, yes.”

“Yes.”

“Anyway, Jenny, the two changes Healy did make involved bringing back his preferred fullback pairing of Harris Dixon and Ciaran Kelly, and that really did help. Far less naturally offensive players than William Burgos or José Luis Sosa, obviously, but the Albrecht Turkish pair, alongside their team-mates Steven Williams and Oberon Martinez, had games worthy of their Champions’ Cup final performances –”

“Albrecht Turkish having of course recently won the Champions’ Cup.”

“That’s right, Jenny, our own Albrecht Turkish winning that cup. Having that most solid of defences allowed C&M to plough forwards and score within the first five minutes, and it was that man, Merlin Siriwong. The MarquezOW star really has been the only bright spot for his club so far this season, and has impressed mightily too for C&M these last couple of games. Out wide on the left, not necessarily his favoured position, but he’s effective there; Siriwong delivered a penetrating cross into the box that the Kolanderaz side hadn’t anticipated and completely failed to deal with. Their left-back tried to clear, but Rául Vélez was on his shoulder and put in his third senior international goal.

“Healy really did get his tactics right here, Jenny, appreciating that a very defensively-minded Kolanderaz side would have no choice but to come out a little more than had been the case in Albrecht, and C&M pretty much had this one sewn up by the ninth minute, when Ben Edwards produced an expertly-timed run onto Matteo Corradini’s cross and hit a shot that, frankly, the goalkeeper should have done much better with.

“The home side did look a little more solid from then on, Jenny, and got a goal back on forty minutes after a bit of a hashed clearance from Williams, but early in the second half Siriwong capped his man-of-the-match performance with another goal, collecting Kelly’s ball, dummying the Kolanderaz right-back and chipping the ‘keeper. You’ll be seeing this one on TheeTelly all week, Jenny; it was a pretty special effort.”

“Is he the best Marquezian footballer in the world right now then, Lizzy?”

“Well you’d have to say so, while Ignacio’s having this little dip in form, Jenny. It certainly looks as though Alessio Montano’s out of the picture now, but Jamie González might still covet that left-wing spot. He came on a minute into stoppage time and scored barely sixty seconds after that, when Joe Cunningham collected from Edwards on a breakaway run and fed in the Arrigo Portuguese youngster.”

“Four-one then, Lizzy, and all-round pretty decent stuff? Does this give us hope, d’you reckon?”

“Well, let’s not count any chickens just yet. Without those two early goals it could’ve been very different. We’ve got four games to go, realistically we’re going to have to win three of them, and there’s every chance that even that won’t be enough. It has given us hope, but that’s all it is. Lizzy Capper for TTO News, Kolanderaz, Ireland.”

“Alright, thanks Lizzy. Staying with football now, and sixty-four year-old retired plasterer George Cripps has become the latest individual to answer the call of the Nire Liberation Army. Cripps, who was on the books of the long-since defunct Gassett FC as a right-back in his youth, hails originally from Nire – unlike the Nire-born Anita Elsehow, the Zwangzug-based Nirean exile who has recently joined up with the team – but has lived for most of his life in Khatib-Gassett. Cripps told the Lunchtime News that he was yet to speak directly to the NIL directly, but would be flying to the country in the hope of getting a game against Pablicosta; alongside his grandson Eli, an eighteen year-old attacking midfielder who has impressed during fleeting appearances for Turks’ Club this season and last.

“Cripps the Younger was a C&M under-17 international, but told local press in Khatib-Gassett that he was keen to sample senior international football with his grandfather’s home country. That decision has already brought him into conflict with his manager Derek Marshall, who claimed this afternoon that Eli’s mission was ‘foolhardy in the extreme’, and that he could not condone Cripps risking his life in this manner.

“Well, returning to the Big Blues now, and the Holy Monastic Republic will walk into a storm in Onwere next week, with the Estadio Francisco Álvarez hosting the potentially decisive international between the two countries. That day will coincide with the Second Annual Appreciation of Obscure, But Entirely Worthy, Religious Traditions, which after Yi Guan Dao last year will turn its attentions to the Eastern Orthodox sect of Christianity, with celebrations that will see thousands of Onwere residents – including the two football teams – don the vestments of the church, and take part in mass incense burning. The move has been condemned by His Eminence, Metropolitan Archbishop Robert of the United Orthodox Church of the Candelarias, as well as Bishop Jack Vukcevic of the Serbian Orthodox Diocese of the Candelarias and North-West Rushmore, as ‘hideously patronising’, and called upon the University of Onwere to order a dramatic alteration in the parameters of the event, o–”

Lyndon Hernández MP, the Chair of the All-Party Parliamentary Committee on Rushmori Agricultural Subsidies in the Republic of Candelaria And Marquez House of Representatives and Acting Shadow Minister for Citizenship & Immigration, used that function on Sky+ that allows you to pause and rewind live telly, watched the last segment again, and spat out his tea.

“B… Bu-bu-bu-bu… Bu! Buuuu,” he moaned. “It… What? It. What? They’ve already called them the bloody Holy Monastic Republic! The actors played the last game in their bloody stupid cloaks and… Everyone knows they’re monks! It’s only the bloody alternate dimension bit that’s the problem…”

He rubbed his hands over his face. “What the BLOODY HELL ARE YOU PLAYING AT, MELBOURNE?!?!”

“Well then!” Field Marshal Denfeld called out to the troops standing amassed at the airfield near Little Greece. “It would appear that we've won! Kose and the Turkomans have surrendered and fled! Of course, with them doing so after we arrived proves once again the Bostopian military might, with not one shot being fired, we defeated the enemy!”

One almost-asleep soldier accidentally discharged his weapon, a bullet fizzing past Denfeld's beret.

“If no word of that ever gets out, he doesn't get killed, and we didn't fire one bullet, got it?” Denfeld said sternly.

“Yes, sir!” The troops replied.

“Right, aside from Sergeant Nayford's squad, it would appear that we are all here. Off we go home, boys!”

The Field Marshal stayed behind, saluting the troops as they got into troop transports and took off. Denfeld then sped off in his staff car toward Beningrad.

--Beningrad--

“Come on!” Nayford shouted at his troopers, who were busy pulling a rather large statue toward their flat bed truck, where another statue had already been placed.

A staff car sped through the darkness toward them.

“Christ! We've been spotted!” Nayford yelled, as the statue was loaded onto the truck. His vocal chords vibrated the air escaping his lungs, his tongue rolled in the right manner and his mouth opened correctly to create the legendary sound that is someone shouting “JIMMY DO ONE, BRUV!” and meaning it. Quite like the time Emperor Boston got screamed at by a ghost or something in the dead of night, but his buddy wouldn't let him run despite saying “Jimmy do one, bruv!” twice before the “thing” screamed again. Emperor Boston yelled “JIMMY DO ONE, BRUV!” and ran like an IRC'er being chased by a K-LINE.

As the flat bed sped off at a whopping 24 miles per hour, they drove toward a sign labelled “984”, unfortunately being caught up rather quickly by the staff car.

“What in the blazes are you lot doing?” Denfeld yelled.

“Urr, Jimmy doing one, bruv.. urr Field Marshal?” Nayford answered.

“You lot! Get on that ruddy plane, now! I'll lead the way.” Denfeld drove on, leaving the flat bed to follow.

Shortly after, they reached a plane capable of carrying tanks, let alone a flat bed, and drove on.

“So, what do you have anyway?” Denfeld asked.

“Well, sir, we have one statue of Pedro the Donkey, and one statue of Ben O'Bagels that happened to get nicked. By someone else. We were doing the right thing and clearing the streets.” Nayford said, rather hesitantly

“Ah, jolly good.” Denfeld replied, “just make sure you give it a good rub to clean it up.” He said, yawning.

“Well, lads.” Nayford started. “We've wrecked some roads in a foreign country, beat the Turks and managed to clean the streets in our own unique way.”

The troopers nodded.

“Mission successful.”

Vonkian Government Sticks Its Nose In

The Leader of Vonks, Oliva Oliver, 97, summoned VFA Chairman Peter Ballantyne, 81, to his office for a chat about the national football team's progress in the World Cup qualifying matches. Due to a technical hitch, a transcript of the conversation was emailed to the Vonkian Daily Newspaper.

OO: Now, Peter, what exactly is going on here?

PB: Erm, you mean generally, or something specific?

OO: Football, Peter. I don't really know anything about it, but I think I put you in charge of the people who do it, didn't I?

PB: Yes, that's right. We're doing quite well, really.

OO: Are we? That's not what I heard some young folk saying earlier today. They said we were doing well, but now we're doing badly. Is that right? We're in fourth place, they say, and fourth place isn't good. Second place is good, and we used to be in second place. That's my understanding of the situation.

PB: Well, that's more or less accurate, but...

OO: No, no, don't bother me with details. Put us back in second place, Peter. It's what the people want. Go and do it now, and then come round for tea tonight and we'll talk some more about it.

PB: I can't just put the team in second place in the table, Exalted Leader. It's based on how many games we win or lose, and we've lost a few games lately.

OO: But didn't I welcome a horde of semolina puddings or flummeries or something into the country just recently? We won that game, didn't we?

PB: Yes, but that was just a friendly game, you see, it doesn't count for the World Cup qualifiers. And we've lost our last two qualifying games.

OO: Well, why did you do that? Win games, Peter, it's clearly the way to go.

PB: Look, the problem is that countries like Kura-Pelland have lots of football teams and players to choose from, and decades of history of playing the game. We started a year ago and we're now down to twenty-two people in the country who can play, after Jean-Pierre's unfortunate accident.

OO: Wait, now, I'm sure I gave you money to start some kind of national football academy, didn't I? Isn't that teaching people to play?

PB: Ah. Well, you see, there was a problem. We accidentally hired the wrong kind of teachers. They taught all the applicants to play handball instead. That's an obscure game that they play in some exotic foreign lands. But we've got a wonderful team of handball players, I understand.

OO: Really, Peter, I expect better from you. Look here, go and win our next game. Who are we playing?

PB: Well, we're away to Bettia. They're one of the world's best football-playing nations and they've won six games out of six so far. I don't even know when the last time they lost a home game was.

OO: Now, stop making excuses. Go and win this game. Would it help if I gave you money? I find that giving people money often solves problems.

PB: Well... it couldn't hurt.

OO: I'll write you a cheque. Oh, speaking of money, why is the nation of Daehanjeiguk writing to me and saying you owe them lots of money? They're also calling us barbarians, I gather. We need to do something about that.

PB: Oh, yes, that's an issue from the Baptism of Fire tournament last year. Don't worry, I'm confident that they'll forget about it if we keep on ignoring them for long enough.

OO: Righto. Here's a cheque for ten thousand Vonkian guineas. Go and win that game with Bettia. Will that make us second place again?

PB: It... um, yes, yes it will. Nearly.

OO: Jolly good.


Vonks's qualifying results/fixtures:

Kura-Pelland 1-3 Vonks
Vonks 0-4 Bettia
Vonks 2-1 Dennisov
Fujisawan Territories 1-2 Vonks
Jariss 3-2 Vonks
Vonks 1-2 Kura-Pelland

Bettia v Vonks
Dennisov v Vonks
Vonks v Fujisawan Territories
Vonks v Jariss

"We should interview that Nire person, Elsehow."

"I think she's busy instigating rebellion or something, I'm not sure she'd have time for it."

"Can we at least find out if she's actually seven hundred and fifty-three?"

"I didn't know the Nires were part of the Valanoran commonwealth."

"Let's just write it off to time dilation."

"Sounds good. Now, how about writing...an article, say?"

"Rohit Sharma!"

"Ah, that's not my name."

"We could write an article about him."

"Any reason why we should?"

"Just one of those human-interest angles, you know, rising from obscurity in Namiri to success on the international stage, throw in something about battling discrimination-"

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"All right, skip that then, scoring two goals against the fellow LIDYT players of Aleos."

"Uh, Vanderpent and Maini did that."

"Dang."

"Not against their fellows obviously."

The Zwangzug national football team beat that of Aleos 2-0 during the qualification stage for World Cup 41. Zwangzug is tied for the group lead with Qazox, which beat Fmjphoenix, which has arisen from the ashes of cessation to exist-

"If we weren't a reputable newspaper, would we even have to write about this?"

"Huh?"

"I mean all the dinky little regional jobs, they don't care. They'll maybe have the scores from Group 7 buried on the inside-back. But they're not going to be quoting our article."

"Um..."

Perspectives, part three

Splebist Cinerne was flying.

This, in and of itself, wouldn't normally be all that remarkable. Vephrall has plenty of commercial airline traffic. But Splebist was doing this without the assistance of an airplane, a helicopter, or even a balloon.

Instead, he was somehow flying in a jet-propelled barrel.

Almost as strange was the motley crew of companions that were flying alongside him via the same method. His old college roommate, two of his coworkers, the teller at the bank who was usually on duty whenever he went in to make a deposit, his nephew's fourth-grade teacher, his dog Jing, and an old crush of his from high school who had been on the cheerleading squad. For this last one he was particularly grateful, as even though the barrels in which they all flew were about four feet tall (the tops and bottoms of the barrels had apparently been removed, allowing one's head and feet to protrude out from either end; also, the dog's barrel was a great deal smaller), it was nonetheless apparent that none of the party had brought anything along with them besides the barrels, including clothing. Of course, the idea of this also being the case for Avilass from procurement nearly canceled that out. Splebist shuddered at the very thought.

"Only ten more miles to Ad'ihan!" shouted the teacher, who seemed to be leading the group. Splebist couldn't remember exactly why they were flying to Ad'ihan. Come to think of it, weren't they originally flying to Acapais? It seemed like the destination had changed in mid-flight.

Of course, all this was infinitely more exciting than what was really going on.

As Splebist Cinerne snoozed on the couch dreaming the above, Tociast Sports' coverage of the United Hetzel v Vephrall World Cup qualifying match continued. Eighty-six minutes in and the score was still nil-all, but Splebist hadn't even made it to halftime before falling asleep. At least he wouldn't have to think about disappointment until either he woke up or the ex-cheerleader rejected him. Again.

Fireworks began to shoot up from the island in front of the group, exactly the way they weren't doing so all across Vephrall.

* * *

Final score
United Hetzel 0
VEPHRALL 0

[OOC - am in a Heathrow Airport hotel in advance of a flight to Washington tomorrow; RPs may be briefer than normal as a result]

SAYINGS OF THE DESERT FATHERS

On Lust

There were some in Valanora who left the Archregimancy in the wake of the former's 1-0 victory over the Holy Monastic Republic stating their belief that the monks felt disdain for women. Poeman said, 'Women are not to be disdained; was not the Mother of God a woman? It is not from disdain that women are banned from our nation, but to honour the Theotokos and to protect us from the temptations of lust.'

Macarius visited Rufinius and said, 'I am sometimes sorely tempted by lust, and grieve when I am troubled by sin.' Rufinius said, 'I am confident that you can overcome this temptation, just as I am confident that we can still qualify for the World Cup despite the troubling recent success of the Algal States.'

On possessing nothing

It was said that Epiphanius gained more joy from denouncing pagans than from keeping a clean sheet. Happy indeed he then was after the match against Valanora, despite the 1-0 loss.

"I've some strange things in my time, Juan, but that..... that was, ummm.... well, words fail me."

"Believe it or not, words fail me too, Simeone."

"I mean, just what were the Milchamans up to?"

"I couldn't really say, though it was undoubtedly effective."

"Just what was that thing anyway?"

"Whatever it was, it was big."

"Big and fat"

"Big, fat and hungry."

"Was it human?"

"I'm not sure."

"Was it even Milchaman?"

"I'm not sure about that, either, old friend. It may have been something.... alien. Something from another dimension. Something.... ancient and frightening. We'll have to get the boys at SBIS on to the case, because whatever it was, even I felt a shudder of fear."

"Whatever it was, Juan, it ate nine of the blancmanges, the banana, the tomato, the Silversun Pickups, the referee, and ten members of the crowd."

"Surely the match should have been called off?"

"Apparently the result stands - and with Milchama leading 1-0 at the time, that's what we have to live with."

"Ah well - we surely have to get all three points against Bearbears this time..."

Well, that's something. After the humiliating 3-1 defeat to Vonks, in Shanvley Stadium to boot, the reverse fixture was won. The home site claiming they only have 22 footballers in the whole of the country makes a 2-1 win over them seem like humiliation.

This national team just doesn't seem to care anymore. When did it come to this? Is the whole country falling with them? Why are Candelaria And Marquez faring similarly despite such interest surely not going away? Or maybe it has gone away in light of the Albrecht bombs? Too many questions. The nation, certainly, has become more insular of late, but this doesn't seem to have translated to national pride. It's a sad state of affairs, but perhaps this will change soon.

In the meantime, neutral football fans can rejoice at the madness going on from the other teams. Kura-Pelland will get over this slump alone.

The Bostopian Government wishes to point out to Jeruselem that while we did indeed have a dispute over stolen ducks, it was not with Sorthern Northland. The ducks were stolen by Candeleria and Marquez.

We also wish to make it clear that we will be announcing the pull-out of Bostopian troops from Sorthern Northland within the next 4 hours.

"The Silly Report" is a publication written by college students who do arts and smoke pot for a living. It is not an official government publication and can be ignored for factual correctness.

I know the editor there. He's off-his-face most of the time so disgard any rubbish they write. I think they got SN mixed up with C&M.

Please contact me if you are unsure about what publication is what in Jeruselem. The Silly Report is well just a college rag.

Princess Marie-Antoinette Dallas
XXX

Stephen had it all worked out now. A hit list of players to contact about joining his team. They'd play in something weak like the Greater Kishin Amateur Football League, but there were a surprising number of people, he figured, who would go for it. People will not easily abandon their dream, even if it means starting at the bottom of the heap... he thought. These are the best players who could do no better. I should have an 80% success rate with the first group.

He reached for his phone, but something held him back from calling the first player. Would it be enough to take the rest of the world's leftovers? He would have the final word on that, of course, but maybe he himself should reach higher. He could easily obtain the best talent available with his... No, I can't waste my power on something like this! he decided. They must choose to follow me. With that comes an infusion of will, and a true dedication to the success of the team. Which means they're even easier to control than if I forced them!

Something else was nagging him, though. He couldn't quite figure out what it was, until he glanced at the television. C was watching a D-League match... Shuukyuu Kishin and CF America Chuuoushi. "Travillion loses the ball wide to Dittman, who squares it to Midorikawa. Midorikawa has time, he fires it deep into the box, it's off Dinsmoor's head... WHAT A PLAY BY SLOAN! Jennifer Sloan turns a prayer of a volley into a superb goal, Penfold had settled in to play the ball and she came flying in to head it home! It's all even, now, 2-2 with a little under fifteen minutes to play!"

"Of course..." he said softly. "How we this team represent all of Dancougar when it doesn't?" He had made a critical omission - no women were on his list. Of course, Jeruselem's Jennifer Sloan had almost taken Shuukyuu Kishin to the group stage of the TakilQuip Champion's Cup, and now she was trying to get them a league championship. Girls all over the country were suddenly excited to play football. That was all well and good. What annoyed him was that the league had decided to import a role model rather than forge one.

"That Sloan's pretty good," said C. "Why doesn't this country have any female athletes like her?"

"I mean to address that," said Stephen. He already had someone in mind. Grabbing his phone, he want to dial. Ah, but wait, she'd know it was him. Instead, he jumped onto his computer. A call using Skype would come up as unknown. Now he dialed, and waited for it to ring. I know you're there... he thought.

A click on the other end as his target answered. "Karen Stadler," the girl answered. "May I ask who's calling?"

Stephen attempted to deepen his voice. "Yes, Ms. Stadler, how are you today? I've been looking at scouting reports of players in the area, and yours has caught my attention. Now, I know you're planning to go to college, and let me tell you, that's great." C rolled her eyes and turned back to the game. "But in the meantime, would you consider playing summer ball in an amateur league? Our team is looking for forwards, and from what I've seen, you look top notch. Good instincts, agility, and a cannon for a left foot. And think how good it'll look if you work on your game all summer, too, so when fall comes around and Kishin's picking its team... well, who's got the talent and dedication, am I right? If you'd some information, I can get it out to you right away."

On the other end of the line, Karen blushed at the compliment. What he said made sense. It seemed sudden and he wasn't being too forward with details on the team. But that might be deliberate - he was giving her an opportunity and nothing more. It was up to her to grab onto it... if that's what she wanted.

"Miss Stadler?" Stephen asked.

"Uh, yes!" she squeaked. "I'm, uh, yes, I would definitely like to try out!"

"Now, now, it's nothing that formal at all!" Stephen replied. "This is just amateur ball, after all. We're still in the process of applying to join the Greater Kishin, and once we've sorted out all the details, we'll contact you with the next steps. Does that sound good?"

The Greater Kishin? The top summer league in the state? This guy's really something else... this is kind of a big deal! Karen tried to contain her excitement. "I look forward to hearing back!" she replied. "Oh, can I get your contact info, though, in case I have any questions?"

Stephen fumbled mentally. "Uh... y-yes, one moment..." He looked around the room. Shoot... I should've prepared a false identity for myself! After all, he was going to interact with the team on a regular basis, and he couldn't refer to himself as, well, himself. Turning towards his closet, he spied a jersey hanging on the door with a prominent number zero displayed on the back. "Miss Stadler? Yes, you can call me Mister Zero. You can reach me at..."

Meanwhile...

"Well, Professor, that was probably the most horrible thing you've ever made us sit through," said Russ. "But we survived it."

"Zat vas qvite a metch, yah?" asked von Steuben. "Ze cheekins vere unstoopable! End to sink zat sose lawyers sought I vould need ze cood for ze ducklinks!"

"Wait, lawyers?" cried Russ. "No... don't tell me..."

"Ees nussing," replied von Steuben. "Now, ve heff vork to do."

"Ah, not this time, professor," said Peter. "We've got our own task right now that we should be getting back to."

"Yah, ze metch fixinks," answered von Steuben, "I em avare. Ze agency zat coontected you hess also poot me on ze temm."

"Wait, you're working with us?" asked Peter. "Russ, did they tell you?"

"First I'm hearing of it," replied Russ.

"Zey heff tekken a strench poseeshun," said von Steuben, "und for zat, zey vanted ze sree of us togesser. Zey sink eet may be ze vork of Margaret."

"You're... joking, right?" asked Russ.

"No," answered von Steuben. "Und now, ve must resink ze kesses vis zees seory in mind..."

Inside, Peter's mind cringed. If the government was starting to believe that something supernatural was going on - and with the world around them, that wasn't out of the question - then the concept of the Suck Note was no longer outside consideration. If he was found out, he would have a hard time getting out of it. Damn, I'll either have to be more careful, or actually find a natural solution... ugh, and I need to get something in the Note before the Green Wombat game! They're too dangerous, and it's away...

"Ok what the hell was that?"

"What do you mean the nice crisp passing between two photographs that ended up in a drummer, complete with drum set to score a goal?"

"Ummm.... no. Not that, though that was weird also"

"You mean the part where we kept 11 man eating, Scotsman turning blancmanges for 60 minutes despite having a tomato, banana, large logo and 3 pictures in our starting lineup?"

"No, that's becoming increasingly normal, because somehow we keep winning"

"True still what are you talking about? Because this has been one weird World Cup qualifying campaign"

"Oh I'm talking about our sub at the hour mark, Keba-joel Mar09kookniot"

"What about him?"

"Ummm... he ate everybody and everything"

"So?"

"That isn't weird to you?"

"Well what do you think The Holy Empire's strategy is this cup?"

"Good point. So?"

"Well that was weird, particularly when we have actually have QUALITY PLAYERS on the bench. I mean that's how we beat Naggetski, 5 goals from subs."

"And?"

"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD I HAVE NO IDEA WHO THIS GUY/GIRL/THING IS AND HOW THE HELL HE GOT ON THE PITCH?!!!!!!!!"

"Who cares, we won?"

"Good point, doesn't matter. But how are we going to get a midfielder, a right back and goalkeeper for our next match?"

"The match was in the dream realm"

"Thank god"

"Yeh really"

http://img291.imageshack.us/img291/2830/snpapersm0.png (http://imageshack.us)

Let's give peace a chance, for five minutes anyway

Just days ago it was the morning of a friendly between Sorthern Northland and Kose & the Turkomans, all was calm inside the country. Then like a volcano it erupted. A Turk angry at not getting chilli sauce with his kebab here, a Greek annoyed with someone stepping in his feta cheese and suddenly a riot kicked off. The the Kosenic army came wading in to "protect" their citizens and were swiftly followed by the Bostopian army for some reason. The Kosenic's we declared war on for invading and the Bostopian we were too scared off to fight so we decided to ally with them. And then a few hours later, and Kosenic forces had run back across the border and fully apologised and it was quiet again. Well aside from the Bostopians who stayed for a while longer, trying to steal our women and beer!

But now following the mysterious disappearance of two statues (one of Ben O'Bagels, the other of Pedro the Donkey, if anyone knows the whereabouts of these statues please contact your local police station, they are described as big and made of marble) they too have no gone. The wreckage that was once Little Greece, you'd never know that just hours ago we were at war. Yet in true Sorthern fashion, to those outside of Little Greece the war was just another one of those things, so often has it happened that these days we're just used to it and even expect. Indeed already citizens are running around in a state of panic as shops sell out of "peacetime survival kits".

Of course the government are claiming the war was necessary for our national defence and it was, we've proved we won't take being invaded laying down, and are in fact claiming that as we only went to war when attacked it doesn't mean the goal of not going to war during this World Cup. Of course they are wrong, a war is a war is a war etcetera but let's be honest it could be a lot worse. Sure it was the most catastrophic war in terms of human loss, but most of them were Kosenic invaders anyway. Being bombed with hordes of crickets and having our breweries bombed as has happened in previous wars would have been far worse. So I guess that's it for war reporting for now, all we do now is wait, and see with whom we will be warring with next.

So until then, from our wartime correspondent, adiós.

The World Tonight!

The World in Briefs


Mutating Jojos Seen Outside Sorthern Northland

So does anyone remember those flying pigs that were released during the World Cup Qualifying Group Draw? Anyone remember how they flew out? Anyone remember how someone promised that they would be caught?

Well, they lied. Not only were the flying pigs not caught, they're starting to breed with local populations of flying pigs near eastern Westlands of the northern part of Outer Sorthern Northland. Or somewhere like that. At least, that's what we've heard. Anyway, they're apparently not doing anything bad. I mean, they've certainly mowed down an entire grassland habitat standing on top of that uranium deposit that Sorthern Northland legislators recently declared a "national treasure", but in the name of science, the survival of the jojos seems to be a credit to their creators. And not only do these pigs seem to be faring very well, but they also seem to have developed a primitive form of football, knocking a round piece of wood with their snouts around a rocky plot of soil. Of course, we could be mistaking it for simple agrarian practices, but it's a good start.

Speaking of starts, we've heard that some gentlemen claiming to be from the Dreamed Realm are looking to capturing some of these jojos as part of their World Cup 42 campaign challenge, after their current attempt with their blancmanges seems to be running on thin air (I personally think they used GMO corn starch, and it's starting to run out of complexion - a good cook can fix that). Actually, I don't know; it's probably someone from Milchama or Dancougar. Maybe Prux, but they're really into robots or some kinds of agricultural birds, not pigs really. Anyway, if you happen to see a shitload of shit on your cars while driving in Sorthern Northland, it's not the birds.


Princess of Jeruselem starts dating routine with Emperor of Bostopia

You didn't hear it from us, but we've gotten word that the Emperor Boston of Bostopia and Princess Marie-Antoinette of Jeruselem have been exchanging mutually amiable letters amidst the recent crises. We've had leaks from both sources, suggesting that the two are preparing for a rendezvous sometime. The Princess's latest trip to Sorthern Northland - under the guise of avoiding a conflict with the Sortherners - seems to have been the first step in arranging the secret meeting. We've tried asking for the primary sources, even going to the extent of asking the Imperial House at Fort Boston if the rumors were true; I'm not sure if they knew about it though.

Anyway, we've gotten a little snip of the closing letter somehow leaked by a carrier (or someone who's interested in extra cash for leaking valuable information), where the Princess ended her correspondence with the ever-inquisitive "XOXO". Of course, we haven't gotten the primary sources, but politically, this could mean a great shift in the balance of powers if the Jeruselemites manage to marry into the House of Boston. I'm not sure where that would put us though.


Aww, Nuts!

It seems to be the biggest theme this Cup is food. Players eating nuts; fans eating nuts; fans of fans eating nuts; fans throwing nuts at players; fans throwing nuts at fans; players throwing nuts at fans; players throwing nuts at players; players eating players; random aliens eating players and fans (and one referee); and I'm pretty sure we'll have more.

But in this time of great eating habits, we'd like to take this moment and highlight the fact that there are millions of people starving in the world. Billions. And given the way that NS appears to work, trillions. It's a cruel world out there, and it's such a pity that we seem to treat ourselves to a grand fest of eating habits while there are many people in other parts of the world where people are less fortunate and can't have their daily bread.

In the Han Empire, we've generously given away our excess food to other countries, while also looking to help other countries develop their own ways of producing food. In Bostopia, we helped feed the poor (and then we declared war on them...); and even now, our pistachio producers are helping to stem the crisis of over-priced pistachios, so that the common he/she/it can afford to buy them to dispense with each nut as he/she/it so pleases to do. But seriously - we need to do more about hunger in the world.

So the next time you eat that giant piece of steak and can't finish, think of the starving children. The restaurant isn't going to sell that food to anyone else; and heavens! if they tried feeding it to the poor, the poor would sue them for feeding them contaminated food! So don't just throw it away; save it and eat left-overs. They're the gracious gift that keeps giving (at least until you feed the molds in your kitchen).


Half the World is Doped!

You heard that right! Half of the world is doped!

Come on! How else does a banana play so well in goal? I mean, it's obvious that the peels that the tomato guy keeps slipping out in front of the strikers might be helping too, but serious, when I kick a ball at a banana, the ball goes through the banana. That banana bounces the ball and it lands neatly at the feet of their picture frames that are equally doped up too. And those walking blancmanges (or are they really walking?); they've got to be on something (like I said, the GMO corn starch!). Dancougar's chickens are apparently are doped up, with hacking modifications that makes it impossible to beat them (unless you happen to have a mini-defibrillator at hand). I practically saw that witchdoctor hacking into his chickens at halftime during the match against Prux! And Jeruselem - their girls are all pumped up on estrogen (although that's probably to avoid the babies...). But estrogen has to influence their ability to play too! Somehow! And Bostopia - they look like they're always doped on something (and it looked like it hurt them in their return fixture against the SLANIs). Nevermind the SLANIs though, they invaded Sorthern Northland and after a proxy war lasting 35 hours and firing not a shot (although reporters near the Bostopian camp heard one shot, maybe a celebratory shot? or some stupid guy randomly setting off his rifle after leaving off the safety somewhere in the vicinity of a large mass of troops?), and they want to leave. Our correspondents also suggest that they left a mess in one of the Sortherner's cities, decapitating a statue and castrating a donkey. By the way, no one mentioned what happened to the offending rioters... maybe they were doped up too?

But does it really come as a surprise to anyone? How else does anyone get so good in this competitive environment? Newmanistan's Rockets are probably trying to ride out on good luck instead of good fuel (and you can see where that's getting them), while their semi-formal arch-rivals appear to have taken their slack by get doped on all sorts of stuff. And the ever present Valanora - ever wonder how they live so long? You guessed right - they're doped. But as I've said, are we really surprised? In a sport where BuyaGoal.com allows you to attempt to buy goals, bribing officials seems to be a national pasttime in some countries, and wobbling football pitches also seems to be an oncoming highlight, dope is pretty tame in the world. Should we outlaw it? I guess, as tame as it is, why should we?

Awkward Quote of the Day
In Soviet Dancougar, you no outlaw dope; dope outlaw you!

And you thought that this was a Cut-off?

Well, it was (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13781406&postcount=12).

ANNOUNCER: This... is Sportscenter!

KENNETH: Coming up on the program, time is running out for teams fighting their way back into the qualification picture. See who punched their tickets, and who got punched out of the running. Dancougar, visiting Green Wombat! Can the Wings stretch the winning streak to six? Huge games going on all over the place - Jeruselem and Taeshan! Newmanistan and the Turks! Cafundeu and Lovisa! And wait'll you see the end of Sel Appa and... Dariusville? It's Sportscenter... right now!

(Da na na, da na na!)

KENNETH: Hello, hello, welcome to Sportscenter, nice to have you with us. I'm Kenneth Prime, and he's Scotty Furr.

SCOTTY: We've got a boatload of qualifying highlights for you tonight. Three of twelve remaining points in group play were up for grabs tonight, and since we're a couple of homers, we start with the Dancougar Black Wings. In the last match with Green Wombat, Claudia Bard gave the visitors the lead thirty five minutes in, only to see Shishio Jinguuji equilize right before halftime. That's the way it would end. Since then, the Wings haven't dropped a point, while Green Wombat badly need a win here to keep their qualification hopes from taking a tumble. And we go to Green Wombat for the return leg, and the Wings weren't going to fall behind in this one. Fifth minute, sight of goal for the Wings, as Hideo Ikeda gets the ball at the top of the box and can't quite convert. His shot goes wide. Then Jericho Leyton gets a free shot from twenty five yards, but his effort goes over the bar. Wings threatening, but the finishing leaving a lot to be desired.

KENNETH: Green Wombat sit back, weather the storm, and almost go up in minute twenty. Breakdown in midfield, Morimoto dispossed by Ibrahim. And he'll find Sink... Sink shoots, across the face of goal... and it misses wide! Bard was just a step behind and couldn't get there, or it would've been a tap-in at the far post. Minute twenty eight, Dancougar threatening. Best chance so far, as Morimoto with the give and go with Boris Boskov, he pushes past Guadalupe and crosses into the box. JINGUUJI! Jinguuji gets his head to it, but Rosenfeld with the reaction save, he tips it over the bar for a corner. Ensuing corner, Morimoto again... punched away by Rosenfeld, and Berber pounces! But he fires it right into the 'keeper's gut, big save, still scoreless.

SCOTTY: Halftime approaching, and just when Green Wombat appear to be settling down, the Wings jump ahead! Minute forty two! McCulley's pass up for Ledford is cut out by Boskov, and it's an instant break for the Wings. To Leyton in the middle, and he's got options. He'll take it himself. Rosenfeld gives up the rebound, and Jinguuji fights off Guadalupe to pick up the goal! He doesn't give up on the play and makes a run into the box, and when the rebound comes out, he's in a position to make a play. First half injury time, and the Wings take the wind out of the Wombats' sails again, this time on defense. Weatherford stumbles and Bard gets a step on him, takes the through ball from Ibrahim... Yuji Watanabe with the huge save to deny her! He comes out to reduce the angle, and she tries to poke it past him... kick save! Wings lead 1-0 at the break!

KENNETH: Second half, and Green Wombat come out energized. The fans stayed with them, and they came close to equilizing several times. First Diehl's attempt on goal is deflected wide by Berber. Then midfielder Ibrahim's header is grabbed out of midair by Watanabe. Yooge faced three shots in the first half... five in the first fifteen minutes of the second. But he got 'em all! The Wings counter, and in minute sixty eight, check out the footwork from Shishio Jinguuji... gets around McCulley and takes it himself... near post, goal!! Rosenfeld looked like he had it covered, but he left too much space for Jinguuji, who sweeps it home with that right foot. His second two-goal game of qualifiers, and his sixth overall, which leads the team. And it's his third goal against Green Wombat!

SCOTTY: Dying minutes, Green Wombat almost pull one back, and it's Hume with the long ball, she spots Ibrahim in space and he lays it off for Sink... Sink beats Yukikaze and then finds Bard at the top of the box, but she mistimes the shot and it rolls out for a goal kick. For the Black Wings... it's another road win, they're four for four so far! 2-0 is your final, and it maintains the six point cushion over Az-cz with three games left to play.

KENNETH: Time now for the usual post-game chat with Steve Teebone, and Steve, we've always pointed to the defense as the weak spot of the Black Wings... they've only given up four goals in their seven games. Somehow, they're getting it done.

STEVE: They have, Ken, and a lot of it's been the play of Yuji Watanabe. He's making the saves that he should, and his defenders, if nothing else, are taking up space in the box and making it hard for opposing attackers to slip in the open ball. But that's not to say that the openings are not there. We saw Bard get some good service in this game, but she just couldn't pull the trigger. For every play the defense makes, they catch a break as well.

KENNETH: It's hard to ignore, though, the steady march of progress they've been making through the qualifying rounds. Six wins in seven games, now, and a win against Ofedestan at home will clinch a spot in the World Cup.

STEVE: And it looks to me like they're playing with poise and confidence, now, it's been increasing as they went. A little shaky in those early matches, but after hammering Ofedestan and the Rebels, they've just been going out and playing their game. We've seen good ball movement in that midfield. Guys are stepping up and taking shots that they might not have taken before, and although not all of them are great chances, they're showing some of the aggressive characteristics that Charles DuPont has no doubt been trying to port over from his time with Sel Appa.

SCOTTY: Thanks, Steve, and we'll bring you full coverage of the home tie with Ofedestan...

THE ROCKET REPORT

HENNIS STOPS KOSE AND HIS TURKOMANS

Kose and The Turkomans- It was a moment that would have sent the host nation into a frenzy. A penalty kick awarded to Sinan Kose in the second minute of stoppage time of the second half after Jeremy Brooker made a last gasp tackle. A sea of red, with some blue spots here and there were up and cheering. The shot wouldn't win the game for the Turks, but it force a draw, and be a big point for Kose and The Turkomans. Kose lined it up, the fans chanted. It was going to be a signature moment for his career and the hopes of his nation to qualify for the World Cup. Except, one problem. Corey Hennis had a different ending to this script. Kose went left. Hennis dove, perfectly timing his jump, stopping and holding the ball. SAVE!!! Those few blue spots in the sea of red were the ones going crazy now, the rest, knew that would be the end. The shot was saved. And just maybe, the hopes of Newmanistan advancement was, as well.

The game was evenly played from the start. Both teams in the first 10 minutes, especially, tried to assert themselves right away, leading to great opportunities for both teams. Jeremy McAllister looked to have connected a perfectly placed pass to Kevin Lewis in the 8th minute, but was turned away by the Turkoman defense on a risky play by Firat Can. Two minutes later, Sinan Kose and Serkan Turkmen worked a pretty give and go to get the Turkish fans excited, but Eddie Chapman stepped up just in time to make the clear. This flow and excitement carried on throughout the first half, and both Corey Hennis and Iskender Kazim were doing a great job in their respective goals. Kazim made two great saves in particular, one off Lewis in the 22nd minute, and the other off McAllister in the 27th. Not to be outdone, Hennis was also coming up big, robbing Kose in the 31st minute of a shot that looked to be labelled for the top right corner. But they couldn't get them all, and in the 39th minute, the Rockets struck. Jeremy McAllister outran two Turkish players to get into the penalty area then put on a sweet fake on another, but instead of shooting, which Kazim expected, he passed it over to Kevin Lewis, who was open as the defenders had committed themselves to McAllister. Lewis, who's been cold in the tournament, took the pass and fired it home it to put the Rockets up 1-nil, which is where we were at intermission.

It was an eventful halftime. There was an incident, which we will be covered separately. The fans though, were enjoying themselves and happy to see this rivalry on their home turf, even though they were behind. There was a sense in the crowd that there were plenty of more goals to come, so they weren't too worried about being down by a goal. In the Rockets locker room, Brian Carson was pleased with the effort, but was well aware that the Turks were also playing well. The last 45 minutes were going to be a test of will and character, and perhaps, of stamina. The Turks would draw energy from their home fans, and perhaps the Rockets could draw energy simply from the great atmosphere inside this beautiful facility.

The 46th minute began much like the 45th minute ended. The second half had the same intensity as the first half. Who would get the big goal? In the 53rd minute, Brett Prescott and Sinan Kose had one of their now well known incidents where Prescott put a heavy tackle on the Turkish superstar that the fans did not appreciate. Kose, though? He got up and smiled and gave his A.F.F. teammate a pat of the back. Then three minute later, Kose returned the favor on Prescott, which really got the home crowd fired up. You could then see the two laughing about it afterwards. Sinan Kose is known for his scoring, but he really is a truly great all-around player. And in the 65th minute, Kose put his name on the scoresheet with one of his patented runs. He directed his run at Tony Borsinger over the other Rockets defenders, knowing Borsinger sometimes can be a tad soft. After getting around him, he unleashed his shot on Hennis just before Jeremy Brooker could get to him. Kose was on the ground when the ball hit the back of the net, but he made the shot just in time. But sometimes when there are two major superstars, especially young superstars in one game, when one of them has a big defining moment, the other gets especially fired up to match it. In the 70th minute, Jeremy McAllister made an equally impressive run, splitting the defense, and firing it past Kazim to put the Rockets back up by goal. A huge goal, and now the question was, could they hold off the Turks? They would, until it was penalty kick time. It was going to be Sinan Kose's moment. But Corey Hennis made it his instead.

With the win, Newmanistan improves to 3-0-4. You can call it step one complete of winning the final four games, which is the only way that the Rockets will have a chance of advancement. Up next are Hockey Canada on the road and United Hetzel at the Proving Grounds. Steps two and three, you would have to think, should happen, but as we well know, nothing is a given. Hockey Canada and United Hetzel won't be advancing to the World Cup, but they will certainly be very motivated to play the spoiler role.

And now for some post game reaction:
Carson: "Another great game between our teams. Whenever we play them, the games are always exciting. But we needed to win the game badly, and I am absolutely thrilled with the effort of our team, because we had to be on top form."

Hennis: "Man I am so happy to have won this game. On the penalty, I just tried to stay calm and keep my focus. I thought I read Kose's run pretty well. Obviously you have to dive the right way, but I felt pretty good that he would try to in that direction, so insteasd of trying to outsmart myself, I knew how I was going to approach his shot. When I caught the ball, and heard the stadium suddenly get quiet, it was one of those moments that you live for as a keeper."

Brooker: "Corey is the reason why we won this game. We all played well, every player on the pitch on both sides, and I think the fans definitely got their money worth. We just didn't give them their preferred ending, except for those wearing we blue. We saw you, we heard you, thanks for coming."

Prescott: "Kose is like a slippery snake. You think you have him and then the next moment he's slid away from you. But I think we played him well. We got three points, so the proof of that is in the numbers."

McAllister: "We looked forward to this game, and we're happy to get three points. But we need nine more."

QBC WORLD CUP XLI COVERAGE

"Hello all, I'm Beck Davidham, We here at QBC are here to cover the Qazox-Aleos match, at Champions Field, Qazox City the 7th qualifer. The first meeting between these two was a Qazox victory 3-1. Aleos is on the verge of elimination and Qazox might have a tougher time of it here today. Ryan Greenley has made a couple of changes, resting some starters as they prepare for the Orion Star Empire and Zwangzug matches, which are arguably the toughest matches left on the schedule. The changes are as follows:

OUT-IN
Anderson Tarricone- Willow Farmwald
Maria Cruz-Preli- Letta Smicht
Cyrus Stasinos- Olivia St. Louis
Erin Goolden- Natalie Dansen

The referees are ready, the anthems have been played, and we're ready to go!"

<Match Fast Forward>

"Aleos has just scored off a corner kick as Dansen was out of position, and it's 1-0 Aleos here in the 21st minute, and the sellout crowd is stunned slient."

<Match Fast Forward>

"Aleos has made it 2-nil as the referee blows the whistle to end the first half. Qazox has played flat all match, either because ofthe resting of such key players or the determination of Aleos not to be eliminated today, but the crowd has turned on the Pheonix."

<Match Fast Forward>

"Jaus lines up for the direct kick here early in the second half, Qazox down two at home, Jaus fires it, blocked by the wall, back to Jaus, deflected wide by the Aleos keeper. Maria Reyes comes up for the corner, sends it in and GOOOOOALLL! Kallie Jaus makes cuts the lead in half with a spinning side kick that froze the Aleos keeper and Qazox is back in the match here just 3 minutes into the second half."

<Match Fast Forward>

"Still 2-1 Aleos, but Qazox has dominated this second half, spending most of it in the Aleos zone. Valladores over to Jaus back to Letta Smicht who fires it at the net and GOOOOOAL! It went off a Aleos defender and bounced just over the hands of the keeper and here with 30 minutes to go, Qazox has tied it at 2-all, on a goal by Smicht"

<Match Fast Forward>

"Yolanda Christian, finds Willow Farmwald along the near side, back to Christian, over to Jaus, to Smicht, back to Christian who lobs it in for Farmwald, and GOOOOALLLLL! WHAT A COMEBACK! Willow Farmwald has made it 3-2 Qazox here late in the match and the crowd is finally going bonkers with little time remaining."

<Match End>
"Qazox tried to mix it up a bit on the starting lineup and while the first half was an unmittigated disaster, they regrouped enough to pull out the win at home, which good teams do. Up next is the Orion Star Empire, back here at Champions Field. The normal XI should start, as a win, coupled with an Acapais loss or draw will clinch a World Cup berth for the Pheonix."

We have other scores from Group 7, and here they are:
Zwangzug 6-0 Acapais (FINAL)
Orion Star Empire 2-0 Fmjphoenix (FINAL)

And scores from around the Q continuum:
Blouman Empire 2-2 Green Wombat (FINAL)
Tokyoni 2-2 Prux(FINAL)
Taeshan 1-0 Lithima (FINAL)

And the match summary for all:
Aleos: 22'
Aleos: 45+1'
Qazox (Goal)- Jaus: 48'
Qazox (Goal)- Smicht: 61'
Sub (Qazox): Yolanda Christian in for Renna Valladores- 75'
Qazox (Goal)- Farmwald: 87'

Qazox Scoring:
Kallie Jaus- 5 (1 PK)
Anderson Tarricone- 4
Renna Valladores- 2
Raul de Olivares- 2
Stevie Spingler
Charles Marquis (1 PK)
Letta Smicht
Willow Farmwald

Bookings:
Shillingford- 1 Yellow
Stasinos- 1 Yellow
Reyes- 1 Yellow

Green Wombat Daily Tattler

The Wombats are on life support and the plug is halfway out of the wall. A 2-0 loss at hope puts the Wombats on the brink of elimination. Jinguuji score twice, making that a hattrick of sorts against us as Dancougar, the WC 40 darling appears to be a powerhouse to be reckoned with in this upcoming Cup.

Up next is the home finale against Free Krytenia Rebels, who dominated in a 4-2 win in Free Krytenia, (i think). Since a Az-cz win or a Wombat's draw will eliminate us, Here's hoping for a win and an Az-cz loss, right?

Scoring:
Jinguuji (Dan)- 42'
Jinguuji (Dan)- 68'

Schedule/ Results
MD1: vs. Blouman Empire LOSE 0-2
MD2: @ Dancougar Draw 1-1
MD3: @ Free Krytenia Rebels LOSE 2-4
MD4: vs. Az-cz Draw 2-2
MD5: vs. Ofedestan WIN 2-0
Mid-Qualifying Break
MD6: @ Blouman Empire Draw 2-2
MD7: vs. Dancougar LOSE 0-2
MD8: vs. Free Krytenia Rebels
MD9: @ Az-cz
MD10: @ Ofedestan
RECORD: 1-3-3

Predicted record: 5-2-3.

PRUXTON GLOBE

Dateline: Tokyoni
Reason: Matchday Seven

Result: 2-2 draw with Tokyoni

Scoring:
Tokyoni- 42'
Prux- Jumbo Duck: 48'
Prux- Backup Duck: 81'
Tokyoni- 90+3'

Summary:
Now with a 1-3-3 record and being 8 points behind Rennidan, the chances of Prux advancing to its first Cup are as remote as the controls of the ROBODUCKS.

Match rating (1-5): -1
Rating reasoning: This experiment is a failure and should have been aborted ont he drawing board.

Next match: vs. Kirrin Island
Previous result: 2-1 WIN @ Kirrin Island

Projected result: 3-1 Prux win
Betting line: Prux -1.5; over/under: 3.5

30 minutes left, at Dazza Dallas Stadium ... Taeshan were holding Jeruselem to scoreless draw. Jeruselem were hammering away at the Taeshan defense but they managed to keep out Jeruselem's potent strikers and midfield. Kate Sallad spent most of the sitting on the bench (or more accurately sleeping) but replaced a tired Flak Sho. Young Sally Kool also came off the bench, oddly to replace her relative Kara Kool who looked tired - not because of the game but because of lack of sleep from her young kids being irritating last night.

The fresh legs of the new girls made the difference. Sally Kool skipped past two defenders to set up a pass to Jenny Sloan who fired off a shot which beat the Taeshan keeper. Later Kate Sallad put in a high cross from a corner which was met Coss Cohen but the Taeshan keeper managed parry it away resulting in another corner. Expecting another high cross from Kate, Kate passed it to Shaka Hislop who slotted the ball but keeper reacted in time but didn't cleanly grab - only for Jacinta Sallad to pounce like the cat she is and score the 2nd goal.

Taeshan pushed forward to get the two goals back. Sally Kool pounced on a Taeshan mistake sending the defense into panic as she rushed past tired defenders, and when they did catch up to her - she passed to Jenny Sloan to beat the keeper with ease. One more twist of blade from Jeruselem, as Kate Sallad won a penalty kick after getting brought down when attempting to bust through past the last defender. Vice Captain Fiskin Dallas, converted the goal and Jeruselem were 4-0 up. Kate Sallad almost scored a 5th in the dying seconds except the line referee ruled she was off-side.

Jacinta Sallad got quite excited and decide to streak topless, which to the amusement of the locals who were used to that sort of thing in Jeruselem.

Dazza Dallas game the team a briefing on the next game, which was really big one. The Princesses faced Southern Northland in Southern Northland. The stakes were high with Taeshan just behind Jeruselem and SN in trouble losing to Lithima recently. For Jeruselem, a win would put a huge buffer and ensure between them and SN ... qualification. For SN, a win was need to plug a huge gap to the top 2 teams in the group.

Marie-Antoinette Dallas was ready to meet President Sheridan.

A frizzled and tired Kara Kool said
"I think I need a Nanny. I need to get good sleep before big games and well, I didn't get last night. I have to admit, when it comes to dealing kids ... those Dallas girls are best in the business. I'm going learn from the best, because the last thing want before playing a big game is your kids being kids. I wasn't at my best today, I was too mentally tired. Good thing my fellow bimbos were on the job. Sally came on at the right time and Kate played ... like Kate does. Brain dead Jacinta Sallad had good game today."

http://img187.imageshack.us/img187/8029/dailyturkpy7.png
New Vodka "Kose Bottled in Kose Sehir"
At least a joke came out of Sinan's tragic penalty miss or shall we say a great save by Hennis, the game in itself was very even but it was Hennis' great concentration that won them the game. Now don't misunderstand me I don't think that we deserved all 3 points, but all the fans felt we should have got more from the game.

We went 1-0 down at the interval from Lewis who fired it into the net unmarked right before half time, Alhrem knew that failure here and qualification was out of his hands so he sent the team out refreshed and perhaps pumped up.

The Turks were pressing and got what they needed from Sinan Kose for an equalizer from nothing just a long run with the small and a smash into the goal classic Kose, but then McAllister made his run and took it round the shocked Uzulmez and scored past Cakir who was in goal for the Injured Kazim who will return vs Vephrall.

Then the penalty was given Sinan Kose confidently sent his team mates off the ball so that he could line it up and after he did, surely the most shocking thing to ever happen to him as Hennis saved his shot leaving Kose disappoint and now out of the next match due to the shock Sinan Kose requested that Volkan Erkan be put in his place for the next match.

Elsewhere.
Squornshelous 5-1 United Hetzel
Vephrall 3-0 Hockey Canada
Regular wins for both teams but now we must force the issue against United Hetzel.

Kose Broken?
Sinan Kose's shocking statement that he wanted to be left out of the squad has hit morale hard, he may have deserved a rest but he surely should be in the starting XI, when you compare Kose's and Erkans goal scoring records you will understand the upset in the nation:
10. Sinan Kose 20 Y/o Caps: 42 Goals: 52
11. Volkan Erkan 20 Y/o Caps: 19 Goals: 3

So as that shows Volkan can score at this level but it's a question of weather the expectation is too much on him to replace Sinan Kose, but if he takes this opportuinity he may well be the new No.1 striker and force Sinan down into midfield.

About two hours Pre-Match vs Kose and The Turkomans (conversation via phone between Jennifer & Shannon Vilardi)

Jennifer: Ok, I'm gonna do it.

Shannon: Do you have the gun?

Jennifer: Yes. Now I just have to find someone who looks like enough of a loser to want to do this.

Shannon: 30,000 up front, 100,000 and some action after, right?

Jennifer: The action only comes if I need to use it as a bargaining chip.

Shannon: Good luck.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

(After about 20 minutes of walking around the stadium, Jennifer finds a someone who looks like they might do it)

Jennifer: Hey sexy what's your name?

Man (Random looking loser on the street): Sukur

Jennifer: Well hello Sukur, you wanna make some money?

Sukur: What?

(After about 10 minutes of discussing plan and convincing him)

Sukur: You got it babe.



Jennifer: At halftime. Get it done. And there's 100,000 more where that came from, and me too.

Sukur: I like that.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

(As the first half comes to a close, likeness of a K & TT fan used with permission)

Security: Excuse me sir, these rows in this section is for the family and significant others of the visitors.

Sukur: Number 6. That's my brother.

Security: What's his first name?

Sukur: You implying that I don't know my brother?

Security: Sir, you look like you are from here and not from Newmanistan. And if you were his brother I don't think you'd have our flag tattooed on your arm. What his name, tell me? If he is your brother then you should know his name.

Theresa Borsinger (overhearing): Uhmm, number 6 is my son. This man is not. Please escort him out of here.

Security: Very well, come with me now, or you'll be leaving here in handcuffs.

Sukur: No! (pulls out gun and tries to aim it at Ashley, McAllister's girlfriend), from field level, Jennifer Vilardi looks up and smiles.

(People scream, Sukur fires a shot, but misses before he is pounced on by security and a couple fans helping him out. The gun is confiscated and Sukur is arrested. Those watching, cheer)

Sukur (screaming as he is led out); It's a set up! That bitch set me up!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Security Person 1: Look at this, this is weird.

Security Person 2: He's from here, but the gun is Newmanistanian.

Security 1: That's odd. Very odd.

Security 2: Maybe he was set up. He just said that some chick told him to kill this other chick.

Security 1: 30,000 in a strange currency. It's Newmanistanian.

Security 2: We'll let the Newmanistan Police know. This is their dirty laundry, not ours. We have Sorthern Northland and Bostopia to worry about.

Security 1: But this guy stays in jail.

Security 2: Yeah, he did fire a gun at the game.

"Na na na, na na na na na, na na na, na na na na nah, I just can't get you out of my head," warbled Petr Zherdek as he showered. Started for the first time and kept a clean sheet. That should teach the bloody Mark Tupper not to choose goalies because they happen to wear number 1 for the club team.

Meanwhile in an adjoining hotel room, the bloody manager had other selection difficulties as far as the team denying the other goalie a clean sheet went.

"Darach Salthill, Regehr, and Anderson. Hmmm. Or Clifton and Salthill, then Francois St. Louis in a less defensive role, and..."

---INTERMISSION FOR HAIKU---

Goalless draw again
Manager's vast fustration
It could be worse though

-------------------------------

He powered up his laptop, started Title Manager 2007, and played the different midfield combinations. In an almost uncanny simulation, more goalless draws were produced.

Several hours later he alarmed several fellow passengers and a flight attendant by waking up with a yell from a dream involving him being chased by number zeroes.

Specky Nerd Analyses Vonkian Qualifying Prospects

Vonks defender Ian Rice, who is twenty-two years old, lives with his parents and hasn't got a girlfriend, explains how Vonks can still qualify for the World Cup.

It's actually well within the realms of possibility, you know. Here's the current situation.

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Bettia 7 7 0 0 19 4 15 21
2 Kura-Pelland 7 4 1 2 15 7 8 13
3 Jariss 7 4 1 2 14 10 4 13
4 Vonks 7 3 0 4 11 15 -4 9
5 Dennisov 7 1 1 5 5 16 -11 4
6 Fujisawan Territories 7 0 1 6 4 16 -12 1

Remaining fixtures:

Fujisawan Territories v Bettia
Jariss v Kura-Pelland
Dennisov v Vonks

Bettia v Jariss
Kura-Pelland v Dennisov
Vonks v Fujisawan Territories

Kura-Pelland v Bettia
Vonks v Jariss
Dennisov v Fujisawan Territories

Here's an interesting statistic. Vonks have now played fifteen international games, including friendlies, and have won seven and lost eight. We've never yet had a draw.

Let's look at the next fixtures first. Bettia will easily beat the Fujisawan Territories, who are rubbish and haven't won a game yet. Jariss, with the home advantage, should beat Kura-Pelland. Vonks will beat Dennisov, no problem. Predicted scores:

Fujisawan Territories 0-5 Bettia
Jariss 3-2 Kura-Pelland
Dennisov 0-3 Vonks

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Bettia 8 8 0 0 24 4 20 24
2 Jariss 8 5 1 2 17 12 5 16
3 Kura-Pelland 8 4 1 3 17 10 7 13
4 Vonks 8 4 0 4 14 15 -1 12
5 Dennisov 8 1 1 6 5 19 -14 4
6 Fujisawan Territories 8 0 1 7 4 21 -17 1

In the penultimate group games, Bettia will squish Jariss like they've squished everyone else they've played so far. Kura-Pelland will beat Dennisov and Vonks will slaughter the Fujisawan Territories, who are rubbish and haven't won a game yet. Predicted scores:

Bettia 3-1 Jariss
Kura-Pelland 2-0 Dennisov
Vonks 2-0 Fujisawan Territories

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Bettia 9 9 0 0 27 5 22 27
2 Jariss 9 5 1 3 18 15 3 16
3 Kura-Pelland 9 5 1 3 19 10 9 16
4 Vonks 9 5 0 4 16 15 1 15
5 Dennisov 9 1 1 7 5 21 -16 4
6 Fujisawan Territories 9 0 1 8 4 23 -19 1

And in the final group games, Bettia will no doubt beat Kura-Pelland again, Vonks will surely triumph at home against Jariss and I would imagine the Fujisawan Territories will draw with Dennisov, not that it matters. Predicted results:

Kura-Pelland 2-4 Bettia
Vonks 3-1 Jariss
Dennisov 0-0 Fujisawan Territories

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Bettia 10 10 0 0 31 7 24 30
2 Vonks 10 6 0 4 19 16 3 18
3 Jariss 10 5 1 4 19 18 1 16
4 Kura-Pelland 10 5 1 4 21 14 7 16
5 Dennisov 10 1 2 7 5 21 -16 5
6 Fujisawan Territories 10 0 2 8 4 23 -19 2

And there you have it. With an entirely plausible series of results, Vonks finish second in the group and go on to the World Cup. It's worth pointing out that Vonks's final three games are against the bottom two teams in the group, and Jariss, who barely beat us last time. Whereas Kura-Pelland and Jariss, although they're above Vonks in the table, still have to play each other, and also each have to play the mighty Bettia. Vonks are practically a shoe-in.

Tunk: I feel ... old
Dazza: Well, we are old stupid! We're not getting any younger.
Tunk: My back isn't getting any better and my knees aren't what they used to be. I'm nowhere near as fit as I should be.
Dazza: Don't worry, it happens to everyone.

Tunk: How come you have better knees than you used to and you look so young for your age.
Dazza: I'm French! My knees were fixed in an operation.
Tunk: You're pretty fit too. You run around like a maniac at Tennis.
Dazza: One can't let the body deteriorate!

Tunk: Right, our last games are against SN in SN, Nethertopia at your place and Lithima at Lithima.
Dazza: I don't we should be too worried.
Tunk: Lithima have beaten both SN and Taeshan at home.
Dazza: We could be trouble if we lose to SN but a win would put us 8 points ahead of table ahead of them ... meaning we make the finals.

Tunk: I've got the feeling Taeshan won't lose anymore games.
Dazza: We need to two wins to totally safe but a win and draw would do it as Taeshan would be with us in the top 2.
Tunk: SN would need to win all three games to any chance.
Dazza: I think if we draw against them, we make it.

Tunk: We're not out of the woods yet.
Dazza: Don't stress, it's all on the next game.
Tunk: I just want the team to qualify first. And this nut throwing business is annoying - and those Sallad girls losing clothes during a game.
Dazza: Well, not all of it is their fault.

Tunk: Flak seems a bit distracted still.
Dazza: Well, the poor fellow needs a bit of time.
Tunk: He likes talking to you, although you do all the talking.
Dazza: Someone needs to replace his grandparents for some advice from the elders.

Tunk: Granny Dallas ... you don't look quite the part.
Dazza: I don't intend to spend my life with my teeth falling out and my hair going grey while I can. I'm no idle character.
Tunk: I heard your mother was in some weird gene experiment.
Dazza: Yeah?

Tunk: They weren't supposed to have any kids.
Dazza: So, I'm not supposed to exist.
Tunk: No, but here you are still.
Dazza: I'm a luck girl then. I don't look bad for being mutant then.

We're Not All There > Arrozan Sports > Soccer > World Cup 41 > Group 9

Group 9
Arroza 3-0 The Indonesian States
Yafor 2 1-1 Yafalonia and Bazor 2
Unified Beretania 0-0 Kelssek

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Yafor 2 7 5 2 0 19 4 15 17
2 Yafalonia and Bazor 2 7 3 4 0 13 6 7 13
3 Kelssek 7 2 4 1 7 7 0 10
4 Arroza 7 2 2 3 11 14 -3 8
5 The Indonesian States 7 1 1 5 9 19 -10 4
6 Unified Beretania 7 0 3 4 1 10 -9 3

After seeing the Vonks report abput how they could still make it into the world cup, we tried to go out and hire Defender Ian Rice to figure out an analysis of how the Tar Hornets could make it into the qualifying stage. Even after attempting to bribe Mr. Rice with one of our bikini models, he still couldn't figure out a way to ensre our process into qualifying. So with that, we only have one question.

When's the Cup of Harmony start, again?

Seriously, assuming that Yafor 2 is a lock to get to the qualifying stage, that leaves only 3 teams with any sort of chance to get the third spot:

Yafor & Bazalonia 2 with 13 points,
Kelssek with 10 points,
and Arroza with 8 points.

And of course the schedule isn't on our side. For the last three games, the schedule for the relevant teams is as follows:

MD 8:
Arroza @ Yafor & Bazalonia 2
Indonesian States @ Kelssek

MD 9:
Unified Neretania @ Arroza
Kelssek @ Yafor 2
Yafor & Bazalonia 2 @ Indo. States

MD 10:
Arroza @ Yafor 2
Yafor & Bazalonia 2 @ Kelssek

As you see it isn't much fun with trips to both of the top teams in the group. Since even in our wildest dreams, we can't see Yafor and Bazalonia 2 ending with less than 15 points, that means that the Hornets need 7 points in 3 games, starting with a shock win at the Seconds. Yeah right. They'll be lucky to get 4 points out of the last 3 games.

So...how bout that Basketball team, eh?

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Junnon Reporter

Friday January 12th 2166.

PEACE IN OUR TIME!

“All-Party talks on National Consensus ratify interim constitution."



Territorial unification has returned to Europa Brittania for the first time in five decades as the devastating civil war that has come to be termed The Disorder finally came to an end following months of protracted and often tense debate at the National Consensus Constitutional Convention held in the capital of the Federal Forces, Atlantis.

Representatives of the self-declared governments of the Solidarity of Khandrias, The Junnon Republic and the West Point Peoples’ Co-Operative agreed a transitional constitution that will restore various provinces and territories that had defied the Federal Government’s demands, threats and military operations to reunite to unified control.

Details of the Constitution have yet to be published but it is believed that in return for reforming the Federation each of the breakaway provinces will become semi-autonomous in internal matters and that reforms will be undertaken to the Military Combined Federal Services, and that a new central government of national cooperation will draw on senior politicians from across Europa Brittania to form a new cabinet.

::: DOWNLOAD ENDS :::



Junnon Reporter

Friday June 19th 2167.

COMBINED FEDERAL SERVICE UNITS WITHDRAW FROM OCCUPIED PROVINCES





As dictated by the Transitional Constitution, Elements of the 7th Federal Army as well as other components of the Combined Federal Service withdrew from all provincial territory seized during the course of The Disorder and vacated all installations at 2200 hours yesterday night. Upon confirmation of the withdrawal Provincial leaders met in Atlantis this morning and selected Reizeger Calavene, current Secretary of the Federal State for Agriculture to the post of Provisional President of the newly-reconstituted Republic.

The Provisional President’s first acts are likely to be the immediate organising of food aid and relief efforts to reach the most war-torn and devastated eastern regions of Europa Brittania, including Junnon. More long-term goals will include the re-establishment of Parliament and the resurrection of the Department of Justice.

::: DOWNLOAD ENDS :::



Junnon Sports Reporter

Friday June 20th 2168.

BRITTANIAN FOOTBALL FEDERATION RE-ESTABLISHED






Although survived by its various regional offices which continued to regulate what remained of domestic football during The Disorder, today marks the re-establishment of the Provisional Brittanian Football Association with the re-opening of their former Headquarters at Number One Liberty Tower.

Always the nation’s number one love, the desire to return football to its glory days preceding the civil war has provided an unexpected uniting point to which the various “factions” which continue to struggle with the recent re-unifcation have flocked to.

“Many of the pre-Disorder teams have survived remarkably well,” Steven Stuarts, Acting President of the PBFA told the Junnon Sports Reporter. “Our intention is to resume the national domestic league system as soon as is practically possible. Brittanians didn’t just stop playing the game during The Disorder - they just couldn’t travel outside their provinces.”

An equally important goal of the PBFA is perfectly highlighted by the scenes of celebration as an unknown good Samaritan anonymously returned the two replica World Cup trophies won by the pre-Disorder national team. The replicas - feared lost in the opening salvos of the civil war which forced an emergency evacuation of all civilians from the Capital - were apparently taken from the trophy wing which was virtually destroyed by mortar fire and reduced to rubble.

In the following days dozens of people have returned various mementoes and irreplaceable artefacts that were once part of the wing - Andrew Zurich’s first cap, the Captain’s shirt that carried the Ninth World Cup Trophy through the streets and cities of Europa Brittania and countless others.

This outpouring of national remembrance coincided with the announcement by Steven Stuarts of the priority intention to re-establish the Brittanian national team which had not contested a match in almost five decades.

“We were once amongst the greatest footballing nations on Earth,” Stevens told the Junnon Reporter. “It’s been a long time fallen by the wayside … But the beautiful game will return to our pitches, and we will visit the world’s.”

::: DOWNLOAD ENDS :::

The Spenson Star

Our greatest victory? Not by a long shot.

Zwangzug 6, Acapais 0. There we have it. The second time Zwangzug has won by so dominant a scoreline, and the first was against unheralded fourth seeds Kansiov. Acapais have qualified before, and won the most recent Cup of Harmony. Heck, they even drew with Zwangzug last time out. So a six-goal victory against a rather decent team? Pretty impressive, right?

Wrong.

The simple fact is that Zwangzug are ranked tenth in the world; Acapais, forty-seventh. And despite excitement and hopes of winning the group [oddly familiar ones -ed], the latter's news media hasn't bothered to follow the team since the start of qualifiers. For teams such as Zwangzug, qualification-stage victories are expected. [Not to be arrogant or anything. -ed] And when they're expected, fans are disengaged. There's no reason to tune in to running up the score against the mid-table crowd. It's not nice. Or sportsmanlike. Or sportswomanlike, even. [Or sportswhatever-else-they-have-out-therelike. -ed]

It's not like Zwangzug can slack off, of course, with Qazox matching them point for point-but the nearest threat to them and qualification is, well, Acapais, six points back. Fmjphoenix were already eliminated, and Aleos is now as well. But too dominant a qualification is only setting you up for trouble-remember Schiavonia? [No. Nostalgia and bringing up the old days, good or otherwise, is not what we need. We're the overachieving newbies, remember? -ed]

Ahem. Six-nil might be impressive for the Yafor 2s of the world who are impressed at scoring six goals all qualification, never mind in one day. [Are we ever going to get to the guy that scored twice in the match, out of sheer curiosity? -ed]

Who, Peter Vanderpent? [Not what I was thinking. -ed] All right. Well, Natasha Keller scored too, as did Brendan Deguela. Not to mention stopping the Hearts from scoring: Zachary McKellar had a couple good attempts, though the Acapais performance was admittedly below-par.

And that, frankly, is all that can be said. [Or someone is lazy and doesn't want to write anymore. -ed] Acapais overperformed, Zwangzug didn't, and the result showed that. One can't root too hard for a first seed, but neither can we focus both eyes on the Proper. It's there, of course, that some of our truly greatest victories come: 1-0 against the previous cup's semifinalists Demot in our first-ever match at that stage? 3-0 over Bettia, again as an underdog? Such games will be remembered when we have to search Bassabook back issues to find out who we beat six-nil that one time. [Oh, right, we already do. -ed]

Finding the right balance between now and later, dominance and endurance, is the key to making the best use of the qualifiers.

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TDM XTLAs!

-Ji-*! NTL ASN** drew against SFRS*** 1:1. FSOR TDM XTLAs ATM.

*a rejistanianism meaning "Hejida" (ie: Hello)
**a rejistanianism for Asene
***actual name of the opponents.

THE ROCKET REPORT

MAJOR WEBSITE REACTS TO NEWMANISTAN SUCCESS

Pocono City, Newmanistan- While success hasn't actually defined Newmanistan's World Cup 41 qualification attempt, a major worldwide website has been inspired by our Rockets, perhaps beginning in the nation's initial world venture in the 4th Di Bradini Cup. Now, fans from anywhere can show off their Rockets pride with their very own Rockets email. For more information on this story, please go to (actual link) http://news.wired.com/dynamic/stories/T/TEC_YAHOO_MAIL?SITE=WIRE&SECTION=HOME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT&CTIME=2008-06-19-03-19-38

Empress Jessica, commenting from Green Wombat for the World Baseball Classic was greatly honored by this, "I think it is just great that this website has gone to such lengths to associate itself with Newmanistan sports and create an intriguing opportunity for our fans across the world to show off their pride whenever they send an email. This is absolutely great news. I hope as many fans of ours as possible take advantage of this great opportunity." The Empress made sure to quickly lock up the "Newmanistan" name so that no fans could beat her to it.

From Hockey Canada, where our next game will be played, Jeremy McAllister agreed with the Empress, "Hey this is pretty cool, and I can sign up for it right here while I am thousands of miles away from home." McAllister declined to make his new email address public.

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Gunman Arrested In Half Time Drama
A Mr. Sukur Boral has been arrested following his attempt to murder McAllister's girlfriend Ashley, he attempted to talk past the guard a Mister Selcuk Kenan who tackled the man as he made the shot and detained him, Sinan Kose has apologized for the nation saying "It's a disgrace to think that a citizen of our great country could stoop so low." Now while we may be making a habit of apologies, the Kose Sehir Police have informed Newmanistani authorities, due to the fact that he was in possession of a large amount of Newmanistani currency and a Newmanistani make of gun which missed.

Sukur Boral will face charges of; Civilian possession of a firearm, Attempted murder and providing false information to a police officer. This could add up to a minimum of 25 years up to the ultimate price, his case will be heard after the next game for the Turks.

This half time fiasco did not distract the teams as they produced an amazing game for all including the shocking penalty from "Kose bottled in Kose Sehir" who will miss out on a starting place in the next match Volkan Erkan preferred to him.

What the Papers Say

“Crap. Crap in a hat. Absolutely crap, absolutely rubbish.” The wise words there of Brent Pitts in the Albrecht Mercury, under the front-page headline “Champs to Chumps.”

If one was being uncharitable, one would suggest that the Candelariasian capital’s favourite rag had rather more pressing concerns to worry about than the fate of the national football team, but they were far from alone in condemning their side’s performance in the one-nil home defeat to the Archregimancy. It’s a measure of the nationwide melancholy that the country’s sub-editors could barely even bring themselves to provide the odd comedy headline. The Gassett Candelariasian described local supporters as being “cross”, while the Clotaire Trumpet attempts a whole thing about the Big Blues being found wanting in the Final Judgement, but you could tell their heart wasn’t in it.

“This was a threnodic exertion, in which the supposititiously melioritous body were discountenanced as chokers by a clean, well-drilled adversary. Our kismet is now surely sealed, and the veridicality is that we merit nothing less. Lympathic in the cold visage of adversity; this national team has miscarried in its dharma of representation, for they have evinced themselves lacking the testicular fortitude for the fight, while the peoples of these islands continued to stand erect while their sportsmen whither,” offers Simeon Barness of the Albrecht Herald. He probably has a point, and goes on to criticise the stomachs of each and every player bar Steven Williams, a fellow birdwatcher.

“So much for all that, then,” Iain Miller sums up in the Bove National Reporter. “Our hopes of qualifying are now all but dead, and [Kris] Healy faces an enormous task in keeping his side motivated for the final three games. The dressing room is tight enough that we can’t claim any realistic idea as to whether he’s mislaid it or not; but it’s hard to see any professional worth his salt retaining faith in the manager… Utterly outthought by the opposition, who are surely set to make the World Cup now ahead of the Algal States, the Big Blues resorted to strong-arm tactics that were never going to work with José Eduardo Carrasco in the black. The second-half sending off of [Connor] Mengucci was as inevitable as the defeat itself, and C&M can now expect to be without the Américan for at least a couple of games after the straight-red-worthy tackle on Moses Black. It’s a bonus, then, that he’ll be missing for games that just don’t matter any more.”

While other writers, most notably the Herald’s Tracker Edwards, are slightly less downcast, the basic view is that C&M have blown it – and deserve nothing less at that. “Healy’s scouts would be forgiven for ignoring the Zarblese and co. in favour of Wentland, or Sel Appa,” Edwards suggests, “Though at least it looks like we’ll be spared an exit at the hands of Rennidan again.” The venerable columnist is far from alone in criticising the CAMAFA first and foremost, for opting to play such a vital game in as unfamiliar a venue to the national team as the Estadio Francisco Álvarez in Onwere. Tucked away behind the running track; Marquez-Onwere’s support of Media Studies students have never been known as the most vocal in the CMSC and, once Ephraim Syrian had found the back of the net on the half-hour, the post-Kolanderaz mood of optimism dribbled away.

“It surely cannot have helped that the Álvarez has seen some pretty awful home performances and defeats this season,” the Albrecht Daily News comments, “Nor that such a major fixture was reduced to farce from the very off by the CAMAFA’s insistence that both sides wear garish monastic robes in keeping with the day’s perverse ‘celebrations’ in Onwere.”

The Albrecht Republican focuses on Healy’s failings, particularly in his decision to break up the partnership of Ramiro Novo and Ignacio Vélez that has proven the most successful in the Big Blues’ young history. “Neither player will be a starter come World Cup 42 qualifying; that must be a given, given their respective ages. But for now they remain the very best we have – nay, all we have – and playing Vélez on his own was destined to fail as much as during the Mark Baker era. Healy’s predecessor as Albrecht Turkish manager soon learnt from his error; Healy may not get the chance. In all fairness, perhaps in time playing Rául Vélez and Merlin Siriwong behind the front man would have come off, but such innovations are surely what friendlies are for, not decisive encounters such as these.”

Those papers who celebrated Healy’s decision to revert to playing his former A.Turks charges Harris Dixon and Ciaran Kelly at full-back for the Kolanderaz game and thereafter are conspicuous by their quietness, while El periodico del Arrigo is keen to trumpet its previous condemnation that William Burgos and José Luis Sosa had been dropped again in the first place. It’s hard to blame the back four and the ‘keeper for this defeat, but the tabloids in particular make great play of the failures of a defence comprised almost entirely of that which won the Champions’ Cup only weeks earlier.

“We can beat Zarbli at home,” the Morning Chronicle of Abiodun suggests tentatively, “And we can beat the Algal States away. And, you know what? We can beat the Eesseff as well. Where are Espy va Drake’s Green Island in the league right now? How are Scott Soldarian’s Turkish doing, post-TQCC? We can match the world champions… but that simply won’t be enough. The Holy Monastic Republic are in to miracles, but it’s us that will need one. Or two. Or three.”

For the National Reporter, the “glory days of beating Demot and the Capitalizt SLANI” are long since past, and the mission is now on to find a new national sport. “Look at our buddies over in Kura-Pellandi,” Allan Malone suggests, “who kicked the round ball into touch in favour of the ol’ pigskin. Clearly Gridiron isn’t our thang, but perhaps our nationwide organisations shouldn’t be so tentative about throwing our amateur baseball or basketball players into global competition. Perhaps it’s time we took the initiative and got the ol’ field hockey going again. We’re good at that, for some reason. What about cricket, for heaven’s sake; surely the CCB can pull its finger out of its arse and send our men in white out into the world? What about hurling, or Peil Ghaelach? Lord knows we’ve got enough Irish here. Netball? Our girls won seven consecutive titles in Rushmore back in the day.

“What about Bandy?” it adds, rather plaintively. “Does anyone know how to play Bandy?”

The Lavange Evening Telegraph, meanwhile, strikes a rare note of level-headedness in its editorial. “These are difficult days for our national team, and the possibility remains that our points-per-game ratio in this, our sixth qualification campaign, will be inferior to that of our very first. At this rate, we may well cross paths with the once-mighty Europa Britannians in the rankings before we reach the ninth. Perhaps our time in the finals of the greatest tournament of them all represented a fluke; the result merely of the genius of Mark Baker than anything we are capable of producing on the football field. But the very fact that our little islands can still mix it with the best still deserves applauds. If sporting achievement is really something to be proud of, then our position among the best ninety national in global football warrants a nice long bout of chin high-holdingness.”


From the Rushmore Sports Daily’s Brian Kennedy column. Always useful when one is unexpectedly pushed for time.

World Cup 41: Match Day Seven

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/rennidan.png Rennidan : Kirrin Island http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/kirrinisland.png
2:0



Match Report:

Rennidan - I always enjoy coming to the Eagle's Nest Stadium in Rennidan. Firstly, it's the overwhelming feeling that you're about to see your nation's pride play against some other nation's hope and glory. Secondly, the bus journey up the mountain to the stadium gives a magnificent view of Rennidan as you rise up the slopes. Thirdly, the stadium itself is gorgeous, with intricate patternwork fixed through it's many walls, and with seats that you could quite easily want to steal for your living room.

Fourthly, the beer is bloody cheap.

Today was supposed to be the best day for good weather this storm season in Rennidan. The sun was supposed to make an appearance early in the afternoon.

Have I ever mentioned that weathermen are lying bastards?

As I sat down, lightning arched across the sky and rain blew chunks of the artificial turf out of the ground. Needless to say, it was piss poor weather for a game of football. With the stadium’s roof still in repair from the Sorthern conflict, it looked like the teams would just have to grit their teeth and play on through.

Fortunately, Rennidan had been practising in such conditions for several months now. The Kirrin Island side, on the other hand, were obviously unused to such terrible weather, and in their pre-match warm up were found slipping and sliding all over the place. I consulted an Islander to get an idea of what he thought of the match’s conditions and, as a man who had obviously been enjoying Rennidan’s low priced alcohol, he slurred at me that he thought it was literally ‘piss poor’ but ‘Kirrin Island will play on!’. The last I saw of this lively character, he was passed out next to the women’s lavatory.

The match it self started off rather eventfully, with Michael Ronnan charging on past the slip-sliding Kirrin Islanders straight from kick-off. As the Islanders struggled to stand in the mud, Ronnan easily dribbled past them to score Rennidan’s first goal in under a minute.

Rennidan, already self-aware that they would win this match, took the rest of the first half easily, actually choosing to coach the Kirrin Islanders how to run and play successfully in the mud, much to the fans chagrin. They had, after all, paid for a football match, not for a training session. The Rennidanian players took little notice however, choosing instead to help a team that was new to the world of football. I, personally, grew tired of the first half and played solitaire on my laptop, before nipping off at halftime for a refill of my pint.

The second half was much of the same, until the last minute, where Jo Malkoa decided to have a little fun of his own, reminiscent of his brother’s antics on the pitch when he was still able to play. The goalkeeper took off down the pitch, after a pass back from Fortal, and darted past the Kirrin Island defence to make it into the away team’s box. With a bit of fancy footwork he had obviously picked up from Sammi MacOlv, Malkoa easily dribbled it past the Kirrin goalie to knock it in the net for a 2-0 victory to the home team.





Scoring:
Rennidan – Michael Ronnan (Nicholi Drentum) 0 (36 seconds in)
Rennidan – Jo Malkoa (Samual Fortal) - 62



Booking:
Clean Match.

_________

Rennidan Goal Scorers:
4 - Michael Ronnan
3 - Nicholi Drentum
2 - Mo Siv
1 - Robert Golos
1 - Sammi MacOlv
1 – Jo Malkoa


Rennidan Assists Leaders:
4 - Sammi MacOlv
2 – Samual Fortal
1 - Michael Ronnan
1 – Mo Siv
1 - Jo Malkoa
1 – Nicholi Drentum

Rennidan Bookings:
Micah Desono - 1 Red

_________

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Rennidan: Matchday Eight Preview.

RENNIDAN versus WENTLAND


Weather: ???

Expected Attendance: ???

With a close 2-1 victory to Rennidan last time these teams met, we’re hoping it will be a close match. Rennidan really do need the 3 points to keep their qualifying dreams alive, but with Wentland 5 points behind them, and with only 9 points left to go in the group stage, we’ll still be happy with just a draw.

But honest to God, if we win, the liquor shall flow in the Rennidan Sports Network office.


LIKELY OUTCOME (OR ATLEAST WHAT WE WANT TO SEE): RENNIDAN 2 -1 WENTLAND

Knights qualify with 4-0 lose to Jerusalem

Not really tooting my own horn hear or anything, but I gurantee the first ever qualification for the Purple Knights this year. They lost last night to Jerusalem, but who gives a shit the Knights main opponent to qualifying was Sorthern Northland and they lost to the worst good team in the group Lithima who beat us once before, but really theres three games to go. Next we've got then we face Corivia who we will kill, Sorthern Northland at home, and Nethertopia away. I gurantee qualifying with no one beating us except maybe SN, but they play Jerusalem, and if they lose an we win and they lose we're in for the first time ever. In our 6th try. Yeah Biotch.*

*this writer is drunk and has been fired these views of his our in no way ours.

OLHO NO LANCE! YOUR SPORTS MAGAZINE!
$PECIAL $ECTION

WORLD CUP 41 QUALIFIERS COVERAGE - WITH GLOBO MULTIMEDIA
Written by Sílvio Ruiz, with comments from TV made by Breno Gavião

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MONOPOLISTS BOOED IN AWAY LOSS

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Cafundéu attacks

First game of the second half of the qualifiers against Northern Bettia. Cafundéu was expecting a very physical game, with many fouls and dirty tricks, but ended being surprised by the strategy of the Fire Ants. With good technique, they could make a good performance, winning the game against the Monopolists, showing good reaction power. Cafundéu ended being most violent than the opponents, which shows that the team had, once again, a bad performance. The confidence of the supporters isn't growing like expected, and this new generation of players seems weaker than the one of Anormal, Heitor, Sávio Ferrari, Vargas, Ganz Ijak, Léo Mattos and Dário, for example.

When the game started, all the Cafundelenses thought that it would be a perfect game for the Monopolists. Silveira shot from outside the area in the second minute... and the goalkeeper Tiyo made an incredible mistake that ended in Cafundéu's goal. Nobody could believe in such an error... good for Cafundéu. Unfortunately, few minutes after Northern Bettia attacked with strength, exchanging passes in the entrance of the Cafundelense area. The ball ended with Sienko, who invaded the area and shot with ability to score a goal for the Fire Ants. Cafundéu tried to reply fast, but soon the team could show that the game wasn't going to be so good for them. Northern Bettia started to dominate the match.

Cafundéu's defence held the pressure for most of the half, the only sector that has to be praised in this game. But, one time, a breach would appear, and the Fire Ants took advantage of it. Hayes passed the ball to Inoue, who dribbled the goalkeeper Moisés and shot to score. The Monopolists tried to recover in the second half, but had to be cautious with the fact that Northern Bettia continued attacking. In the end, both teams were unable to score and the final result was 2x1. After the game, the Cafundelense supporters booed the team, and started to complain with the coach Rivaldo Sodré. The CCFM will now work under heavy pressure, and the players will feel it too.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT (Silveira's goal): “Ball dominated in the left wing, with Gaëif. The defender makes a nice pass to Augusto César, who rrrrrruns to the attack. Nice contrrrrrrol, excellent pass to Silveirrrrrra... he holds the ball, moves it to his rrrrrright foot, shoots frrrrrrom a long distance... a weak shot... WHAT THE HELL DID THE GOALKEEPER JUST DO? It's a goal! Look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! We must see the rrrrrreplay to believe that it was a goal! Silveirrrrrra, number five! Cafundéu one, Norrrrrrtherrrrrrn Bettia zerrrrrro! Your company needs help for the trrrrrransporrrrrrt of its prrrrrrroducts? Then contact Céimite Logística, the most experrrrrrrienced logistics company of the Young Worrrrrrld!”

JORGE LANG - INTERVIEWS: although a loss in this game against Northern Bettia can't be considered an abysmal result, it is surely a bad one. The first goal gave hopes to the supporters, which were destroyed. The coach Rivaldo Sodré spoke to us under the pressure of the boos that came from the stand: "Surely the team failed. We failed to keep the advantage, failed to react, failed to transform our chances in goals. The whole team has a percentage of guilt in this, but we must continue our battle for the World Cup." The midfielder Valtinho said: "The supporters doesn't like to seem the team losing, but they must have patience. We are trying to do our work."

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Augusto César receives a yellow card

NORTHERN BETTIA 2x1 CAFUNDÉU

Place: Sakura Park, in Anyuna.
Attendance: 78,788 people.
Referee: Sharon Rekke (Jeruselem).
MOTM: Carl Inoue (Northern Bettia).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/northern_bettia.png NORTHERN BETTIA: Tiyo; Fukui, Konohagakure, Sakura and Nino (Kiriyaki 63'); Hayashibara (Hideo-Seales 63'), Yamane, Blakey and Inoue; Hayes (Sato 78') and Sienko.
Coach: Iwan Obani.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Moisés; Vasco, Alex and Gaëif; Silveira, Da Silva (Danilo Sampa 80'), Augusto César and Moreira (Tobias 66'); Flecha, Fabrício (Valtinho 45') and Rubiano.
Coach: Rivaldo Sodré.

Goals:NBE: Sienko 5' , Inoue 45'+.
CAF: Silveira 2'.

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WC Goalscorers:

4- Flecha
3- Augusto César
2- Moreira, Silveira
1- Da Silva, Alex, Fabrício

(OOC: RP about Badder's case and terrorism to come later; same for Terreiro de Ogum's)

World Cup Thus Far for the Imperials
A not so fabulous debut...

Well, admittedly, it hasn't been that bad for an unranked team. The sheer effort put into the first game, for sure, paid off well - a two to one victory over Dariusville ensured that the fans at home would be, at least, partially palled. The second game did not go as well, but nobody truly expected otherwise. The two to zero Septentrionian victory over the Macabee team was well deserved by who was then group leaders. Regardless, it was not a crushing victory and it allowed the Macabee team to leave the field with some semblence of glory left. Despite the defeat, the Imperials remained third in their group. Things seemed to go downhill from there, however, with the third matchday providing a crushing three to zero victory over the Imperials on the part of Quakmybush's team. Of course, admittedly Quackmybush is the highest ranking team in the group and so something else wasn't really expected! The team recomposed on the fourth matchday, allowing themselves a brief respite with a two to two draw with Gweridijongya - so, at least we're not last. However, the crushing one to four defeat at the hands of Sel Appa has left the team second to last, and farther away from its nearest opponent - Gweridijongya. Then again, at the time Sel Appa was in first place. The sixth match day saw a minor comeback, as the Macabee team won by one point against Dariusville, leaving that team out of the finals for good. However, another defeat at the hands of Septentrionia thereafter left a sour taste in the Imperials' mouth, and that's where the Imperials' found themselves as they looked onwards to the next match - this time against Quakmybush.

Mika d'Angíel, the star of the Di Bradini Cup and now the pichichi of the Macabee national team [four out of the six goals scored], had sweat pour down his face as he paused his training to drink some water. Training was hard as although Yaforite coach Darivan Varrios knew that his team would not make it to the finals he wanted to prepare it as much as possible for the next World Cup, given that the entire squad was more or less young - all under twenty-six, except for Gíerd Hen and Tíengard Ursal [29 and 34, respectively]. The latter of the two would not see the next World Cup, unfortunately - so his debut and retirement would be seen at the current tournament. Mika had perhaps been working the hardest out of everyone, and his job as a striker had been altered during the matches he played. Unexpectedly, Darivan Varrios had turned him into a sorts of offensive midfieldier, pushing his position back in the field. As a result, the team's normal 4-4-2 formation had began to be transformed more into a 4-5-1! But, Mika was the captain and he did his job well. A cramp in his right thigh had almost cost him the rest of the tournament, but he managed to pull out of the tricky situation. Despite these troubles, he found himself training on this day, looking forward to even the odds with Quackmybush, who had inflicted the deathly three to zero defeat in the last game.

Darivan Varrios approached Mika and winked his right eye, 'How's it going tough guy?'

Mika's mouth twitched and he said, 'I don't know. My leg still is weaker than it should be. I don't know what's going to happen in the next game - I think I've been working it too much, you know?'

The Yaforite coach nodded his head slowly and responded, 'You're young and not fully developed, so this is normal. I think you should take the day off. I'll get one of the physicians to look over your leg and perhaps give you some sort of physical treatment. We're going to need you for the game. You are our leading scorer, and paired with Gerard Daví you can carry through plays into the other team's net. That's what we're going to need tomorrow, because we can't fail opportunities - or else we're going to get another three to zero loss, you understand?'

The striker nodded his head solemny. He knew that his team was no match for the better teams in the World Cup, but he was hoping to make a presence. He didn't reply to his coach though, and instead looked away, thinking about the next match day. Darivan then said, 'I have some other good news, as well.'

'Oh yea?' Mika didn't sound too sure.

The coach smiled and said, 'I've been contacted to give you information that IYC Ajer wants to place a bid for you, given that the Ligue Imperiotech's 'return' is still not official. This is going to big, guy. This contract is going to put you in the major leagues of the sport.'

'Yea, well, it's a shame I'm not playing for you, right?' Mika laughed. Darivan Varrios was, of course, the Chelmar FC's coach, and it was thought that perhaps we would have launched Mika d'Angíel a cable, but apparently this was not the case.

Varrios chuckled, 'I expect you to put the winning goals against Chelmar, Mika. That way we can win the next world cup.' He smiled and patted Mika on the right shoulder and finally said, 'Well, regardless, go get that leg looked at by a physician. I need you in tip-top shape for our next game.'

And so, the die were cast. Drills, drills, drills. That was the order for the day. Only Mika d'Angiel would get off 'easy' getting off easy']

http://img154.imageshack.us/img154/4677/snpaperyw7.png (http://imageshack.us)

SN out due to host conspiracy.

A 2-0 defeat away Lithima last night looks to have dammed Sorthern Northland to another four years without a World Cup appearance. With three games left it is still theoretically possible that we can still make it to the finals, but it seems unlikely that the Sortherners will be able to gain four points on the Taeshan team who are currently sitting in second place.

Especially after our reporters found evidence of a conspiracy to stop the Sortherners qualifying for the World Cup! The shocking revelations come after we picked up reports from Daehanjeiguk World Cup Officials that Sorthern games are being fixed. Suspicions were first raised way back before qualifying started when Daehan officials reported that we lost a friendly to TheHURD despite actually beating KaMaRi. But our suspicions were confirmed during the defeat Lithima.

Lithima won the game with two disputable goals. The first goal coming after a blatant attack with a machete on the Sorthern keeper, and the second when a Molotov cocktail was thrown at the substitute keeper forcing him to leg it into the nearest river. Perhaps more controversial is that Sorthern Northland had three goals disallowed after the ref blew up for a “foul” in the build up to each goal, despite there being no obvious offences in the build up to any of the goals.

Further evidence to this obvious host conspiracy came after government officials reviewed footage from the CCTV camera installed in the referee’s dressing room to check that they weren’t spying against the state. Rather than mutterings of vendetta’s against Ben O’Bagels, they spied upon Han officials bribing the ref to make sure Sorthern Northland fail to make the World Cup. The government has far refused to release the video evidence from its Propaganda Department.

It is believed that the Han conspiracy against us stems from when Sorthern Northland using Bostopian disguises invaded Haenam Island. The Han’s however refuse to accept the attempted invasion ever took part and claimed it was merely a storm that devastated the local area.

Meanwhile in other news following Han newspapers asking what happened to the Little Greece rioters President Jimmy Sheridan announced that, “there was never a riot in Little Greece. It was merely a storm, there were no riots. The riots are merely a myth created by people trying to bring down our nation.”, perhaps a little sarcastically.

--Fort Boston Plaza, Castle & Ward District, Fort Boston--

The Emperor, stood infront of a statue of Pedro the Donkey, continued to deny allegations of statue-theft on international tv.

“May I repeat,” the Emperor said, “we have absolutely no idea who stole the statues of Ben O'Bagels and Pedro the Donkey.”

While answering questions, the Emperor supervised the placement of a marble statue of Ben O'Bagels into an outdoor gallery in Fort Boston Park.

“To suggest our troops would steal – no, no, left a bit, no, too far, slightly right, there you go! A statue of Ben O'Bagels or Pedro the Donkey is absurd and obviously a Kosenic lie.” The Emperor stated, while looking at a "Stolen from Sorthern Northland" stamp on the statue. “We have total respect for Sorthern Northland, despite our differences, and Bostopia is always prepared to help defend or police one country against an aggressor state, no matter how big or small.

Ourselves and Sorthern Northland are of course different ideologically,” the Emperor continued, “but an aggressor state is an aggressor state, end of story.”

Bostopia goes into their next match against Universitus University hoping for a win after a morale boosting 3 – 0 victory over the Terreiro de Ogum at Junker Stadium in Prussingberg.

I have work to do tonight that's time senisitive, so the sooner that I can get the scores done, the better for me.

Apologies to those who intended to post their RPs in the next thirty minutes.

=== RP CUTOFF ===

SCORES (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13784098&postcount=13)

AD'IHAN WILL BE SCORING MD 9/10 AND POST-QUALIFIER FRIENDLIES! AS SUCH, THE NEXT SCORE EVENT WILL OCCUR IN 36 HOURS (approximately 1430GMT, 1030(am) EDT).

The people of Cafundéu seem calmer now. There are few protesters on the streets. Fear of terrorism? Probably not. The fact is that now the population can protest against the Emperor using another way: their vote. In three weeks the plebiscite will occur, and in it the people will be able to decide: will they continue with the young Cafundelense Monarchy, with the Van Tocco dinasty (that had all Cafundéu's Emperors - Albieri I, Benjamin I and Hector I)? Hector I's popularity is horrible right now, but one month ago was simply great. The other members of the family were affected with what happened with Paul Badder too, but in much lesser intensity than Hector. The shadow of Albieri I, the first Emperor of Cafundéu, influenciates some people to want to vote for the Monarchy, but the recent facts make most people think otherwise.

The other option will make a decisive change in the politics of Cafundéu. What will happen to the country if it becomes a republic? The Cafundelense Republic... it seems a completely absurd thing to think about for some people. But now it seems the only solution for many. In a government full of corruption and involved with crimes, the people see the banishment of the Monarchy as the chance for the country to be more fair and more compassionate to the people in general. There is also a small amount that believe that not will change... only the name of the country's leader. If Cafundéu becomes a republic, the plebiscite rule says that the first president of the country would be selected from an indirect voting made by the Senate and Congress together. Surely the Head Counselor Ray McKeen would be the chosen one, and probably only option. So, voting on the republic would be equal to voting on Ray McKeen to be the new leader of the country, for at least 4 years.

Would he stay as president only for 4 years?

Nobody knows. But that was the question raised by the Senator Olivier Derrod, also known as Doutor Careca, in a public speech made to his followers. But what he said didn't seem something that he would usually say. After all, McKeen was an enemy of the Empire, and Doutor Careca is a defender of a Cafundelense Republic. But, as he told the Emperor, there will not be a Cafundelense Republic with the plebiscite. If McKeen wins, there will be a Cafundelense Dictatorship. Both seem wrong for him... he is a socialist leader, after all.

But the Empire's weak... he can think about his plans later...

First, he must avoid the appearing of a strong government. And what he can do right now is to talk against McKeen's proposal, even if his followers think that he is acting strange saying those things, but he says:

"The plebiscite proposal is not an opportunity of freedom from the authoritary government! Don't believe in what McKeen says! First, you must not forget that, before he started criticizing the Emperor, he was one of his closest ally, if not the closest! Why he would change so suddenly? Badder's death opened his eyes of what was happening inside the Ministery Skyscraper? That's absurd. McKeen was the one that knew everything that was happening, and he did support it. Approving the false republic that the plebiscite wants to approve is like signing a contract with the devil, and this devil is the Head Counselor. He dislikes the population, he only wants to use you! I can even believe that he was the one that ordered the terrorist attack, in order to scare the people and stop a possible revolution! Let's stay away from him, and keep our dream of a free country... and act for it, not for this false republic!"

Contrary to what some would think, Derrod's speech was efficient. The socialists and communists were able to open his eyes to the real nature of Ray McKeen. After all, he was one of the fiercest defenders of the Empire just a month ago. Now he is an opponent that wants to be a president... not a president, a dictator.

But the Head Counselor has his allies.

With most of the Senate and of the Congress on his side, the Head Counselor Ray McKeen has the support of the biggest number of politicians. But that's not enough... if it were, he could have prepared a bigger law, one that could put him as President of Cafundéu without the need of a plebiscite. But such a law would have to be voted by the Ministery... and that's where he loses. Almost the entire Ministery defends the Emperor. And it's not just the Counselor-Ministers that prefer the Emperor. Approximately half of the State Governors are allied of the Empire, the biggest one being the Princess Alice Van Tocco, Governor of Juta. Without all the politicians of the country on his side, McKeen had to approach the others... the people, which were most abandoned by the Empire, which pursued the money. The people, angry for revenge in Paul Badder's case. They want a change.

And, in his speech, McKeen presents himself as the change:

Hello, citizens of Cafundéu. Times are dark for our lovely country. A model citizen was killed in his own apartment... the Empire seems extremely involved... and now terrorist attacks happen here... something that has never happened before... can you believe it? And don't you think that the Empire is involved in these attacks too? The people were protesting, wanting a change, complaining about the Monarchy... a revolution was approaching. Suddenly, a terrorist attack frightens the people, and stop these movements. The Empire feels safe... for now. But it's time for the end of the corruption, time for Cafundéu to look after its population. The Empire became a cancer. I now see it. For long I've been supporting their dirty tricks to keep their power. No more. I want to help Cafundéu. The republic is the solution for these problems. Let's remove the crown from this country! Republic now!

Of course the people loved this speech. Recently, their opinions about the Empire were horrible, and McKeen seemed to think this way too. Republic. It seemed like a dream, something that could transform the country suddenly.

But won't the Emperor defend himself? He will be defended... but not by himself. He would be booed and criticized.

The solution is to send... a popular emissary.

So, the natural option was to make the Princess of Cafundéu, the heir to the throne, the Governor of Juta State, Princess Alice Van Tocco, to start to send messages to the population defending the Monarchy of her father. In fact, her position of Governor of the state where the capital city is located helped her in making her message to reach the people correctly. But this is not magic. This simple propaganda isn't enough to convince the people to vote in the Empire.

Sometimes, nothing seems enough.

So she prepared to make speeches, like the ones made by Olivier Derrod and Ray McKeen, which had interesting results. Together with her two brothers, Prince Rogério and Prince Miguel, the three seemed like a chance of revitalization of the Empire, an interesting image that attracted many people. A change was needed, but was it necessary to banish the Monarchy? Or just wait for a new Emperor of Empress? The idea seemed interesting, but most of the people attracted by it remembered that Hector I isn't so old. He may stay in the government for more twenty years... anyway, the children of the Emperor were prepared to defend the Monarchy, and attract votes. In the stage, no sign of the Emperor or of his wife, Princess Anne. Alice said to the people in front of the Imperial Palace:

"So, how can someone be considered guilt of a crime without any proofs? You've supported the Emperor for such a long time... and now forget everything that he made to this wonderful country because of a crime that he didn't commit? Don't forget that it is because of the Monarchy that Cafundéu is now one of the most economically powerful countries of the entire world! This is good for the whole population, which benefits from this progress! Let's not walk backwards... McKeen doesn't now how to rule a country, my father is the real leader! For years, he made the correct decisions for Cafundéu, let's continue this way! Then, in the normal elections, you'll be able to choose a new Head Counselor to help my father!"

A conservative speech... for conservative audience. The favourite seems the republic, but the real truth is now a mystery.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The announcement made by the Emperor to the international media about the terrorist attacks was a normal one. No one was blamed, nothing was exalted... Globo Multimedia was showing it now, with the Emperor saying:

"Before everything, the Empire must say that the attacks are to be condemned. There is nothing that can justify such an act, killing innocent people and even a poor animal. Police officers were killed while doing the job, beggars died without doing any harm. I lament these casualities, and want to give my condolences to the families that lost someone... or the rabbit, in the terrorist attack. Terrorism is an evil that grows stronger nowadays. But Cafundéu was never a place for it. But, if they want to step here, they'll see that we'll work hard to stop them from making attacks again! Last time, our police did right in shooting the terrorist. But from now on, we'll be faster. No terrorism is accepted, and we'll show them this. About the identity of the terrorist, we have some clues, and will contact the government of Daehanjeiguk for this. They'll recognize the body and see if he has some relation with the terrorist groups from there. That's all, thank you."

Would Daehanjeiguk's Empire really help Cafundéu to track and find these terrorists? The relation between the countries is good... we can't think otherwise.

The Emperor is now thinking about this in his room in the Ministery Skyscraper. Vanessa Mattos, his main secretary, enters in his room with bad news:

"Your Majesty, I have bad news."

"Which kind of?"

"It's about the police investigations about the terrorist attack in Saint George's Square."

"Oh... yes, we had evidences that pointed that the terrorist used a house located in the Sertãozinho Favela."

"Yes, that's about the invasion of this house."

"So, what did happen?"

"The house exploded while the police officers were inside. They're all dead."

"Oh my God... I don't have words to comment this... this is just... sad. How many did die?"

"Six police officers, one man supposed to be working with the terrorists. Also, the explosion made many of the nearby houses be consumed by the fire... we expect to see more ten deaths, approximately."

"Ten deaths of favela citizens?"

"Yes."

"I don't mind this. The favela citizens don't have money even to eat, it's like those beggars that died in Saint George's Square. I feel sorry only for the police officers."

"..."

"So... we did lose all the evidence?"

"Not at all. There are some remains from the objects of the house. They are now with the AEICC."

"The AEICC won't work in this case. They need to be fully concentrated for Paul Badder's case. The Army will take care of the terrorist attacks. Send General Lars Winnear to talk with Daehanjeiguk's army, and let's investigate these remains. Terrorist attacks can't happen in Cafundéu. We must find the guilty ones, and punish them."

"Right, Majesty. I'll take care of this."

"Another thing: did Alice talk well in the speech?"

"Marvelous. Kind and pretty as ever."

"Good to hear. Terrorism is a major problem, but I can't forget that Cafundéu can become a republic..."

Suddenly, the Counselor-Minister of Justice enters in the room. She seemed excited, but worried:

"Your Highness, I have news from the AEICC. It's about Paul Badder's case."

"From the AEICC? Finally! Did they found some important evidence?"

"No. It's something bigger."

"So what's it?"

"They caught the murderer... the gunman that killed Paul."

QBC WORLD CUP XLI COVERAGE

"Hello all, I'm Beck Davidham, We here at QBC are here to cover the Qazox-Orion Star Empire match, at Champions Field, Qazox City the 8th qualifer and the final home match for the Pheonix. The first meeting between these two was a Qazox victory 1-0, a foul fileld match, with each side recieving a total of 23 fouls and 3 yellow cards were handed out. Orion needs a victory to keep thier slim hopes alive for a World Cup berth.

The referees are ready, the anthems have been played, and we're ready to go!"

<Match Fast Forward>

"A hard tackle by Heberly and Jacek Krzynowek isn't too happy and, here we go again, the referee has the yellow out an shows it to both, and other players are taking away Heberly and Krzynowek. It looks like the bad blood from the first match hasn't dissapated in the 3 weeks between the matches and the referee is talking to both coaches and is issuing a yellow to Qazox' bench! Raul de Olivares has been given a yellow card, don't know why yet and de Olivares is steaming mad and Ryan Greenley has ordered him back to the locker room!

<Match Fast Forward>

"Renna Valladores lines it up for the indirect kick, sends it in, sent back out by Chivu, taken by Jaus, re-taken by Chivu. back to Svidersky, who misplays it, taken by Valladores, just her and Bogdan Shust, and GOOOOOAL! 33 minutes in and its 1-0 Qazox on the misplayed ball off of Svidersky, and it cost Orion Star Empire dearly."


<Match Fast Forward>

"It's getting late here, just about 5 minute left, and Orion Star Empire is pressuring to tie, Krzynowek has it, stolen by Spingler, and he's tackled very hard by Krzynowek and Spingler SWINGS AND HITS Krzynowek, the referee is blwoign the whistle and now comes in Mishkin and Valladores and all four are scraping and players are coming in to break up the fight. Krzynowek has a lump over his left eye, Spingler has one as well, and a red card from the referee for Spingler he's gone, a 2nd yellow is given to Krzynowek, and he's gone now as that is as good as a red card. And the referee is giving yellows to both Mishkin and Valladores, the crowd is screaming for blood as this match has turned into chaos!"
(ooc: Orion, giving Krzynowek 2 yellow cards is the only way i could "give him a red", without giving him a red, ok?)

<Match End>
"These two team might play each other again one day, in an empty neutral stadium, after that sorry display. I'm guessing Orion was angry that thier cup hopes were going downt he tubs and Qazox was tired of the cheap tackles by Orion. Spingler will mis the next match vs. Zwangzug, a big loss for this all important game, which will determine the Group winner. A total of 32 fouls, 17 on Orion, 15 for Qazox, 3 yellows on each side and the red for the Pheonix. Not the best impression by the home side today, I'm rather disappointed in them."

We have other scores from Group 7, and here they are:
Fmjphoenix 1-3 Zwangzug (FINAL) Zwangzug clinches World Cup Berth
Aleos 1-3 Acapais (FINAL)

And scores from around the Q continuum:
Green Wombat 3-1 Free Krytenian Rebels (FINAL)
Prux 3-1 Kirrin Island (FINAL)
Corivia 2-1 Taeshan (FINAL)

And the match summary for all:
Qazox: Russ Heberly- 22'
O.S.E.: Jacek Krzynowek- 22'
Qazox: Raul de Olivares- 23' (On Bench)
Qazox (goal): Renna Valladores- 33'
O.S.E.: Jacek Krzynowek- 86'
Qazox: Stevie Spingler- 86'
O.S.E.: Vasily Mishkin- 86'
Qazox: Renna Valladores- 86'

Qazox Scoring:
Kallie Jaus- 5 (1 PK)
Anderson Tarricone- 4
Renna Valladores- 3
Raul de Olivares- 2
Stevie Spingler
Charles Marquis (1 PK)
Letta Smicht
Willow Farmwald

Bookings:
Spingler- 1 RED (will miss the 2nd Zwangzug match)
Shillingford- 1 Yellow
Stasinos- 1 Yellow
Reyes- 1 Yellow
Heberly- 1 Yellow
de Olivares- 1 Yellow
Valladores- 1 Yellow

Green Wombat Daily Tattler

The Wombats are still alive, barely thanks to a 3-1 win over Free Krytenian Rebels, and now occupy 4th place in the group, with a HUGE match at Az-cz next. The Wombats, IF they win the last two matches against Az-cz and Ofedestan; AND Az-cz loses to Free Krytenian Rebels in the last game; AND The Blouman Empire loses to OR draws with Ofedestan AND loses to Dancougar, then once again, the Wombats, however improbable, will be in the World Cup.

The main suprise of the day was the decision by Mike Sink, Claudia Bard and William Diehl to sit for the match, replaced by Jeffery Nieves, Leslie Mcilwain, and Luisa Credle, respectively. The decision by the 3 forwards to sit out quite possibly their last home match is unknown, but a press conference is scheduled for tommorrow at 3:00 pm to address the issue.

Scoring:
GW: Leslie Mcilwain
GW: Leslie Mcilwain
FKR: KERENSKY
GW: Luisa Credle

Schedule/ Results
MD1: vs. Blouman Empire LOSE 0-2
MD2: @ Dancougar Draw 1-1
MD3: @ Free Krytenia Rebels LOSE 2-4
MD4: vs. Az-cz Draw 2-2
MD5: vs. Ofedestan WIN 2-0
Mid-Qualifying Break
MD6: @ Blouman Empire Draw 2-2
MD7: vs. Dancougar LOSE 0-2
MD8: vs. Free Krytenia Rebels Win 3-1
MD9: @ Az-cz
MD10: @ Ofedestan
RECORD: 2-3-3

Predicted record: 5-2-3.

OXALÁ - "Master, we are being contacted by our messenger!"

OLORUM - "He has the ability to do it whenever he wants to. Let him contact us... we'll speak with him. Let he mix his material essence with this divine atmosphere."

OGUM - "So now he comes. The messenger that has the objective of returning the faith to the people of Terreiro de Ogum!"

ILUMINADO - "Sorry if I am disturbing you, but I need to talk with you about the people's faith on you."

OLORUM - "I know, I am God. And I'm afraid that what you're going to say to us isn't something very nice to hear."

IEMANJÁ - "Are you sure, master? What does he want to say?"

XANGÔ - "Let him speak, my sister."

OXALÁ - "Continue, young messenger of the orixás."

ILUMINADO - "After you asked me to obligate the team players to make a desired number of rituals before each game, their performance in the field seems much worse. They lost two games by a big margin, and I couldn't even score a goal."

OGUM - "I must say that this is just a football team..."

XANGÔ - "But is part of our followers. They represent all the followers... when they do something because they are obligated to do so, this isn't a real devotion..."

OXUM - "You are right, my brother. There is no faith involved in those rituals. They are just making what our message said."

IEMANJÁ - "So there is some faith. If they agree to make what the Iluminado asks them to do, they have faith on him."

OLORUM - "So we need to find some balance."

ILUMINADO - "Things were good as they were before you ordered me to demand a desired number of rituals..."

OLORUM - "You were winning football games, but we aren't interested in this. We want to see Terreiro de Ogum completely devoted to the Umbanda. They must show their faith."

ILUMINADO - "How?"

THE ORIXÁS - "How?"

OLORUM - "I don't know. Sometimes God needs to think."

PRUXTON GLOBE

Dateline: Griffin Stadium, Pruxton
Reason: Matchday Eight

Result: 3-1 win over Kirrin Island

Scoring:
Prux- Speedy MacDuck: 15'
Kirrin Island: 27'
Prux- Speedy MacDuck: 53'
Prux- Dumbo Duck: 72'


Summary:
The ROBODUCKS didn't malfunction, or rust or have any power flucuations or any thing as they cruised to an easy win.

Match rating (1-5): 4
Rating reasoning: Prux stays alive with a win, but needs to pull off back-to-back upsets over Bazalonia and Wentland, plus a few other results in the teams favor to get into the World Cup. But it a'int gonna happen

Next match: @ Bazalonia
Previous result: 1-2 loss at home

Projected result: 5-2 Bazalonia win
Betting line: Prux +3.5; over/under: 6.5

KENNETH: Thanks for joining us here on Sportscenter, and in case you weren't aware, we just finished up with Ofedestan at Dancougar here on DSPN. For those of you who missed it or just have short attention spans, we're going to condense the game into a mishmash of highlights for you, and it was a seesaw battle between that went out with a bang. Here we go to the National Stadium, a win puts Dancougar through to the World Cup. A win for Ofedestan though puts them... well... it doesn't get them anywhere, but it doesn't matter, because you always play to win! And they'll test Watanabe early with this laser from thirty yards that he just tips over the bar. He's yelling at his defense to step up and play the ball, with reason!

SCOTTY: Minute twelve, still scoreless, and the Wings show some pretty passing down the left side. Whittaker squares to Boskov, who puts it ahead for Whittaker again... skips the tackle, has room. Cross into the box, Jinguuji... arrives too late and can't get the head to it, still, a great run from the hard-working Whittaker. Minute sixteen, Wings get it right. Jinguuji slides the ball inside the box for Ikeda, and from eight yards away, it's hard for the America man to miss. Ikeda makes it 1-0 to the Wings, as Jinguuji busts out the passing foot; we rarely see that from either forward. Later, still 1-0, the Wings almost make it two as Morimoto curls in the free kick... but it's off the post and cleared away! Minute thirty three, still 1-0, and the Wings are going to give up the equilizer... Berber caught standing in the box, and the header is past Watanabe to make it 1-1. No attempt to play the ball there by Berber, and he knows that one's on him.

KENNETH: Ofedestan nearly take the lead just before the break, the cross zips in... Barclay's header is awkward and the long shot just goes wide. Good thing, Watanabe was late to react, and it was curving hard towards the near post. Second half, Wings come out strong. Boskov's through ball nearly finds Jinguuji, but it's tackled away. Then Leyton fires a shot from the top of the box which takes a deflection out. Jinguuji again... header is pushed over the bar. Ofedestan goal under siege, and in minute fifty nine, the breakthrough! And it's Jericho Leyton who comes steaming through the the ball, beats one man, and takes it himself from the top of the arc - GO~LA~ZO! Top shelf, 'keeper has no chance, and it's 2-1.

SCOTTY: But five minutes later, Ofedestan on the counterattack. The through ball finds its man, he's onside despite Weatherford's flailing, and Watanabe is going to see this one get tucked away to the near post, a low shot that rolls in behind him, and we're all tied at two! The Ofedestan players smell upset! They smell the virtuous scent of sweat and sacrifice! But they smell only two shots on goal during the last half hour, which is not how you seize momentum in a game. Dylandy comes on, Furuya comes on, and with that, the assault begins. Morimoto's cross misses Jinguuji but Whittaker comes on strong to volley, that one gets deflected out for a corner. Nothing comes of it. Free kick to Leyton after a hard run, but he drills it into the box. Berber runs up and fires a bomb from thirty five, and that one takes a late dip and threatens to go in! Caught safely.

KENNETH: Minute eighty one, here's your call of the night...

TV CALL: Controlled in midfield, but now won by Leyton, and Leyton will run it into space. Four Wings are with him, he's got Furuya running hard down the left side. Long pass to Furuya, he has it in the corner. Working on the defender, gets room, back to the middle, Dylannnnnnnnnnnnnndy!!!! Pounded in from twenty yards away, Lyle Dylandy has given the Wings the lead! Eighty first minute, Dylandy! Eighty first minute, Black Wings! Goal, 3-2, Ofedestan reeling!

KENNETH: Dylandy scores his second goal of qualifying, and it's the game-winner. The final score is 3-2 to the Black Wings, and with twenty one points, they book their trip to the two Hans for World Cup 41. And coupled with the other results in the group, they've also clinched first place. The Blouman Empire beat Az-cz, who are now eight and nine points back with six left to play for. Green Wombat upend the Rebels, so they're on life support, but still alive!

SCOTTY: Steve Teebone, hook us up with that analysis you love so much. He joins us now on the line from the National Stadium, and Steve, Ofedestan looked pretty good at the end of the first half, and they caught a huge break on that rush in the second for the tying goal. Not the most polished performance by the Black Wings, but what can they take away from this one?

STEVE: Well, Scotty, as you said, the Wings gave Ofedestan a real chance to get a result, and Charles DuPont is going to have a few words with them afterwards. We've seen it too often, Scott. The Wings have looked good and were set to cruise into the finals, but then you run into a team like Ofedestan which is already out of it. At that point, they're looking ahead four years. They're preparing for the next one - trying new things, taking more risks, because what have they really got to lose at that point? That makes a team like the Wings vulnerable, because they're under pressure to pick up the win and get back to the Cup, and come in a little more conservative than they would normally be. Off their guard against the little guy in the group. Perfect recipe for an upset, and they'll need to be on their guard against the Rebels and especially against Blouman, who really control their destiny right now.

SCOTTY: Yeah, there was some sloppy play at times from the Wings. That first Ofedestan goal was basically handed to them by Berber.

STEVE: Lazy defense there, absolutely right. As a defender, you have to be aware of everything going on around you. Where is the offense, and where is the ball? Always go for the ball. When you're in the air to contest it, the referee is normally going to lean your way because he's looking for dives. Make a play, Casey! Instead, he's three yards away from his man and lets it fall right to him. You can't fall asleep at any point during a match.

SCOTTY: Two games left, and the Wings are already assured of their spot... what do they do to prepare?

STEVE: Well, DuPont is probably going to rest most of the first team for the last two and give the backups some real playing time. I think he'll bring out Tuscany and Underwood, Princeton will probably start, and Lyle Dylandy will be given a chance to show us what kind of leader he is.

SCOTTY: Steve Teebone, thanks for your time.

STEVE: No problem, guys.

KENNETH: And as expected, DuPont has already announced his squad for the last two games of qualifying. They'll keep the 4-4-2, and the defense isn't changing too much. Andrew Skibo will get the nod in goal, and as for the back four, they'll replace Barclay with Princeton and Weatherford with Hayami. A lot of youth on that back line.

SCOTTY: The rest of the team is completely different. The benches are cleared with Underwood, Tuscany, Dylandy, and Blackridge starting in midfield, and Manchester and Littlefield up front. Curiously, Shiro Furuya remains the number three forward! Not sure why DuPont has opted to go with the two youngsters, although maybe it's because he trusts Furuya to perform at a high level when called upon. We certainly saw that tonight against Ofedestan...

Vonks Players Reflect On Dennisov Disappointment

Vonkian Daily Newspaper reporter Gordon Bourdon spoke to the Vonkian team after the 1-1 draw with Dennisov that almost-but-not-quite officially ended their already somewhat remote prospects of qualifying for the World Cup.

GB: Boys, rumour has it that Vasko was very unhappy with the team after the game. Is that true?

Werner Borr: Yes, of course he was disappointed. It's three hours after the game and he's still yelling and screaming now. We're about half a mile from the stadium, but if you listen closely, you can still hear him.

Adam Bradshaw: Luckily, we had the clever idea to sneak out after about twenty minutes and replace ourselves with twenty life-size sex dolls that Xerxes happened to have in his bus. Vasko was so blinded by rage and alcohol poisoning that he didn't notice. On the other hand, I wouldn't want to be one of those dolls right now.

Henry "The Octopus" Anderson: Hey! Was that a crack about my extra arm?

Roman Ciano: Was that "blinded" comment a reference to my vision deficiency?

Rajesh "Fatty" Khudanpur: Was anything you said there in any way about my weight problem? Because I'm very sensitive about that, you know.

Pål Ingebritsen: Hurr, hurr.

Xerxes Astanopoulos: The only reason I have twenty sex dolls in my bus is because they were a special offer at the supermarket and I thought they might come in handy for a karma-boosting ritual I'm planning to perform some time.

GB: So what was the manager saying?

Sigur Nilsen: Was he actually saying anything, or just screaming?

Olav Bersvendsen: Mostly just screaming, but the general gist was that we're all very bad at playing football, we didn't do what he told us to do, we can't even beat Dennisov and we're all, collectively, sleeping with his wife.

Nigel Nigel: That must have been some kind of metaphor, because he isn't married and anyway he's sleeping with my wife.

GB: Well, anyway, this draw makes it almost impossible for Vonks to qualify...

Ian Rice: Technically, if we beat the Fujisawan Territories and Jariss, and Kura-Pelland lose to Dennisov and Bettia, and Jariss don't beat Bettia...

Richard Roland: Oh, shut up. You weren't even playing! Your mum sent a note saying you were suffering from stress! If you'd spent less time analysing statistics and more time kicking a ball, maybe we wouldn't be in this situation!

Ian Rice: It wasn't my fault! Those people from Arroza asked me to work out how they could qualify, and they offered me a w-woman in a b-b-b-bikini!

Hardip Singh: So you stuttered that you couldn't think of a way to help them, ran away and spent the next two weeks fantasizing about being a professional sports statistician and getting paid in scantily-clad attractive women.

Ian Rice: Um, basically, yes.

Pål Ingebritsen: Hurr, hurr, Ricey's a virgin!

GB: Are we now looking forward to the Cup of Harmony?

Abiodun "Spiders" Fajuyi: God, don't say that to Vasko! He reckons that the CoH is a competition for losers who aren't good enough to wipe his bum - I don't know why he feels that only people below a certain threshold of footballing ability are qualified to wipe his bum, but that's Vasko for you - and he said he'd kill all of us, slowly and painfully, if we ended up playing there.

Sigur Nilsen: So we're all really hoping we get a new manager before the Cup starts.

Richard Roland: He killed me once, you know. It really hurt.

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Erkan Pays off
In the game which brings us within touching distance of qualification this result leaves us in a victory from the World Cup.

The Turks fell behind in the second minute after a blunder from Cakir who conceded an early goal but it ignited life into the Turkic midfield as their work rate improved dramatically, feeding the through ball to the speedy Volkan Erkan who slotted in a placed shot in the 21st minute.

Serkan Turkmen has become a prominent player for the Turks this qualifying campaign and his free kicks have been key getting 9/10 on target and this game marked another addition to his international tally but in regular play, his dramatic run through the defense allowed him a free shot, a shot well taken in the 42nd minute allowing the Turks to go in at the half satisfied.

United Hetzel had their backs up against the wall and were broken by Erkan as he powered the long range effort into the bottom corner , meaning that the Turks won this game 3-1.

Gunman Tried.
Sukur Boral has been tried to the death penalty after his half time attack on Newmanistani, Ashley who was lucky that the man was half blind in his left eye. He has been dealt the Death penalty and will face the same fate as the Sortherner Major General, and will eventually become "Just another Poutine."

One Game closer to the Edge
"We will never rest, until we qualify" The words of a returning captain who has now recovered from his shock against Newmanistan and will now look to lead the team to victory in Kose Sehir, "Regardless how we get there we will always remember tonight if we win" He has called on the fans to make a great atmosphere tonight, their fate is in their hands all they need is one more great performance.

Sinan, Serkan and Sabri all looked in great form in training and Alhrem's playing style may well have paid off but we will see, a win here will guarantee us a place in the 41st world cup.

THE ROCKET REPORT

YOUR CLASSIC LETDOWN GAME

Hockey Canada- How many times do you see it in sports? A team needing wins, goes on the road and gets a huge win and then that next game, against a team they should beat, that team just looks entirely flat, and that opponent takes advantage. It's a letdown game, and last night against Hockey Canada, what shouldn't have happened, happened. The Rockets spotted the hosts a two goal lead, and if not for a flurry towards the end of the game, would not have been able to salvage the point that they did in the 2-2 draw. In fairness to them, at 2-1-5, Hockey Canada, as an unranked team entering qualifying has been a worthy opponent, and perhaps with more GM interest, this nation could have a future in the World Cup.

Now, with two games left the Rockets are a disappointing 4th with just 10 points. Three behind third place Vephrall and five behind second place Kose and The Turkomans. Sqornshelous has won the group. The only chance the Rockets have of advancing now (yes, there is actually still a very slim chance), is if the Rockets win their final two games, the Turks lose their final two games (including Vephrall beating them). The Rockets then must make up ground in the goal differential category, so their must-win over United Hetzel is a must win by several. Otherwise at the end of the day, our Rockets are Cup of Harmony bound. I'd be making plans for the Cup of Harmony, though. Perhaps we'll have some games on our home turf if the hosting bid is successful. Newmanistan though, would play in Zwangzug and not at home if that were the case.

Anyway, we have a disappointing game to inform you about, though I think most of us fans would really just rather forget about the disaster. It also didn't help that the Rockets played a man down most of the match. On a cold day, and on a frozen playing surface, the Rockets really seemed to struggle with the conditions. The puckheads were right at home though, and controlled the early phases of the match. A surprisingly large turnout in the stands for the game were on their feet, showing tons of pride. In the 11th minute, Brett Prescott went for a hard tackle against one of their players. The Hockey Canada player was hurt, and substituted off, and Prescott was immediately red carded. Despite Carson trying to convince the referee to only call a 2 minute minor or a 5 minute major and let Prescott back, the referee was firm with his game misconduct, and issued the long Hockey Canada power play. The defense and Corey Hennis held firm for a little while, but in the 23rd minute, the puckheads took a one-nil lead on a header by #10, on nicely delivered cross by #8. After the goal, the Rockets started to show some signs of life, but the signs of a letdown reared its ugly head. Plays going offsides, errant passes, dumb passes riddled the team. Carson was ticked off, and in the 37th minute, Hockey Canada's #11 fired a shot by Corey Hennis to make it 2-0 in favor of the hosts. To halftime we went, with Hockey Canada up in front.

Normally, Brian Carson does a good job in maintaining his cool, but last night in the locker room was one of those exceptions. He ripped into his team, and demanded that they do soul-searching, right here, right now in the locker room. He then went to the radio and blasted loud heavy metal music as loud as he could for two minutes and then shouted, "I hope that woke you up! Because I don't know where you've been for the last hour!" Carson can handle losing when the other team win on talent. But not when his own team was as flat as they were in the first half.

In the second half, you can say, message delivered. Newmanistan owned the second half, playing hard with just 10 men on the field. But, Hockey Canada wasn't about to roll over. If they could get three points here and not the Rockets, they too are still alive in qualifying. They had ton of confidence, and weathered the storm. In the 61th minute, Alex Parnett was yellow carded for a tackle on #12, which ticked him off. Parnett was subsituted by Julie McElroy. In the 69th minute, McElroy made her case for staying in the lineup and starting (which she will against United Hetzel since Prescott will miss the game because of today's red card), by making a great run up field, getting around a defender, faking a pass to McAllister, and taking the shot herself, and scoring. Now, it was 2-1, and maybe Julie was going to be the spark. It was renewed like, and McElroy continued to try to be the hero, generating a quality chance in the 75th minute that went just wide. In the 79th minute, Jeremy McAllister had his best chance of the game, before ringing a shot off the post. Kevin Lewis got to the rebound first, but a great reaction by the keeper had his shot be saved. Three minutes later, in the 82nd, McElroy then generated another opportunity and set up Shawn Drummond on the left side of the goal. Drummond slithered around the defender, then fired the shot home, and we were all level agan! But would there be enough time for the Rockets to get the third goal? They tried with quality chances in the 87th by McAllister, and in the first minute of stoppage time by Lewis, but there would be no third goal to save the game, and save the qualification effort. It ends in a 2-2 draw, that if it were your typical mid-season match, you would just say we did good at the end and move on to the next opponent. But for Newmanistan, only getting a point here was not good enough.


Here is some post game reaction:

Carson: "We weren't at our best today, and I am disappointed with the way we started this game. I don't know why we weren't better at the start of the game. As a coach, that's my responsibility to have the team start well, so I will take the heat for that. As far as the red card goes, McElroy starts and Jennifer Vilardi is promoted from reserve to substitute."

Hennis: "It's obvious that it wasn't our best game. It was freezing out there, too."

Prescott: "I would think that in a nation that values a hard hitting and aggressive sport like hockey, that I wouldn't be red carded for an innocent tackle. Absolutely ridiculous."

McElroy: "I haven't had many chances to play in this tournament, so when my number was called, and knowing I would get a lot of time to assert myself, I had to take advantage of this and was about as aggressive as I'll get. I'm glad to have helped in the comeback and while its too bad that Brett cannot play against United Hetzel, I will do everything I can in his place."

McAllister: "I'm not going to stand here and make excuses. We were subpar today when we needed to be at the top of our game. Our fans have the right to be disappointed."

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Hakan Ismir: Welcome to Post game, on today's show we have Sinan Kose on his shocking penalty miss against Newmanistan but first I would like to wish Turkler all the luck of the world in their game against Vephrall, now Sinan, you very rarely make mistakes, can you explain what happened?

SK: Well I think that nothing went wrong on my part but maybe I didn't make the contact I wanted to when I hit the penalty but it was a good save from Hennis. I wanted to trick him into diving the wrong way but now I know I should have powered it but what do you know after the match? Everything.

HI: And how did you feel after the game?

SK: I was thinking about leaving the national team, but then the coach gave me a rest to think about it and now I have I feel much better and stronger than before.

HI: How do you approach a game this big?

SK: The key is to put your all into the match then it will pay off, whether or not it will for us is yet to be seen but we have clearly put the effort in.

HI: Well how is the coach dealing with such an event?

SK: The coach is experienced and knows how to cope with the pressure of top level football, we just have to stay positive and take all three points today.

HI: And one last question, if we make it through how will you celebrate?

SK: The way all Turks do, go berserk.

HI: Thank you Sinan.

SK: No problem.

The Spenson Star

Defending the defensive

Zwangzug's national football team won 3-1 in Fmjphoenix, recently restored to the multiverse. "It was a disappointment, honestly," gripes midfielder Megan Kucinich, who assisted on Gary Maini's twelfth-minute goal. "Get all excited about getting to play in a country that isn't really there, and then they go and resurrect themselves. Oh well." Peter Vanderpent also scored twice; admittedly, the Fmjphoenix right-back was not at his best, seemingly distracted under the weight of his nation's hopes. [Aren't they already eliminated though? -ed] Yeah. The hosts scored in the eighty-fourth minute.

That's about all that can be said about the match, so what is one to report? Vandalism in Sakura Park? Nah. Because the result means Zwangzug has secured qualification in World Cup 41. (As, for that matter, has Qazox, which beat the Orion Star Empire in a foul-filled match.) This will be Zwangzug's eighth appearance in the World Cup proper. And that means it's eligible to select another World Cup Hall of Famer.

There shouldn't be any discussion. Eddie Barnes is one of Zwangzug's best football players of all time. The only possible reason to consider someone else is that the slot was awarded for four qualifications, from World Cup 38 to the present. Barnes hasn't directly helped with this qualification, admittedly, but he can't be blamed for his timeframe. There's no official award for rising to the occasion and helping a twenty-first ranked side in their first knockout stage to the semifinals. If it wasn't for time dilation, would anybody be in seven consecutive cups? [Maybe a coach. -ed]

This isn't including his club career, either. From a penalty shootout goal in Dunboor FC's championship match to consistent placing among the league's best, Barnes has become an "idol" in the famed Cafundéu league. The point is, as a Cafundelense mafioso once so rhetorically put it, "Defensive midfielders can't be best players?" For whatever reason, Zwangzug has plenty of famous-and infamous-ones. But none are better, and none of its players more worthy of enshrinement, than Eddie Barnes.

Eighteenth minute, Unified Beretania vs. Yafor 2

Gerod Flamer wiped his forehead, feeling the sweat continue to pour down from his hair. He was only thirty-eight, a relic by footballing standards, but a young man by the standards of the world - he could have continued to play football/soccer if he had chosen, with some low-level team, but the former national team captain had instead chosen to retire to become the fitness coach for the national team. One cup later he was their manager, leading them to the fore of the world, and, more importantly, the finals of the world cup proper. Gerod Flamer was in the Hall of Fame not only for his footballing skills, but also for his captaincy and his managerial ability. He was, to be put it clearly, one of the few people the Grand Democratic Duchy had ever produced who simply excelled at the sport that he loved.

But, with the advent of Dave Hollow and his new style of managing, as well as his extraordinary success so far, Gerod found himself out of the spotlight slightly. In the past, that wouldn't have bothered him at all, but now, having managed the Yaforites in the past, he somehow found himself yearning to gain a job, similar to the one he had held, somewhere else, perhaps. That wasn't to say that he had a problem with playing second-fiddle to Dave Hollow, but the first Yaforite national team manager to lead his team to consecutive world cups wouldn't have said "no" to a foreign country interested in his services. Of course, it all depended on the nature of the country and how good they were - already, Yaforites had spread their trade beyond their borders - Keron Alhrem was manager of the Kose and the Turkomans, who almost seemed set for their first world cup qualification. Hares Dalermo had lead the Aleosites to the playoffs last cup and the manager of Parwood City in Kura-Pelland was regarded as one of the best club managers in the world. Even Chelmar FC's new manager, Darivan Varrios, had gone to The Macabees to ply his trade and, hopefully, prepare the team for their next shot at qualification.

But Gerod Flamer had rejected several Yaforite clubs interested in his services and the former national team manager and captain stared out at the pitch, watching as Prince Sebard cut past a Unified Beretania midfielder. The current Yaforite national team captain swung a pass directly ahead of Chelmar FC right midfielder Vashil Nahanor. The quick, thin midfielder touched the ball forward with a clever move of his right foot and then sprayed it in front of himself, speeding after it with the confidence of someone who had done this one thousand times before. The score was Yafor 2 one and Unified Beretania zero - a goal by David Insfield in the sixth minute was the current difference, but Vashil Nahanor was clearly trying to change that. With a light touch on the ball, the right midfielder faked a cut inwards and, passing the ball through the feet of the defender opposing him, continued forward.

Controlling the ball for just a second, Nahanor drew his right foot back and curled a powerful cross into the area. Insfield was set underneath it - his body upright, using his size against the Beretanian defender guarding him. The Bazalonian-born striker leaped into the air, his head fixed on the ball. It cut through the air, springing off his forehead, skimming the top of the crossbar, and going behind the goal. Insfield almost had his second goal, and, along the right sideline, Vashil Nahanor cursed in Jakallan for a second. He, at least, thought that he had earned that goal by virtue of his skilled cross. For a second, the eyes of everyone on the field moved away from the box, moved away from David Insfield, away from the almost-goal. And then....disaster.

David Insfield lay on the ground, clutching his leg. It wasn't a dive - with Yaforites, you would get a lot of things, but diving was ordinarily not on the menu (especially with Gerod Flamer as the assistant coach. He had been a player who had famously abhorred diving in his playing days). If Insfield was down like that, he was actually injured. Suddenly the entire bench was alight; Vorin Dariegan (the possible replacement for David Insfield) was running up and down, quickly trying to get his blood moving; the medical staff were hurrying onto the field, bearing with them a stretcher; fans and players alike began to whisper to one-another. The only man who looked totally calm in the whole scene was Dave Hollow. Of course, the Ad'ihani had undergone the type of pain most people could barely dream about, but it was still somewhat unnerving to see his complete and utter Zen-like state at the possibility of a prolonged Insfield injury.

In what seemed like hours but was, in reality, nothing more than a few seconds, the medical staff began to load Insfield onto the stretcher. Immediately, Gerod Flamer perceived something was wrong - instead of taking him off the field, they were bringing him back to bench - and the locker room besides. Unable to contain himself, Gerod Flamer rushed onto the field. "Is he okay? Can he continue?" The medic looked at him, somewhat sadly, and shook his head. "He can barely walk. We haven't yet found the exact problem but we've isolated the ankle and the lower leg as the possible locations of injury." Gerod Flamer cursed and hurried back to Dave Hollow. Hollow's face continued to remain the same. "Get Vorin out there. Now." And Gerod Flamer commanded Vorin Dariegan to get onto the field.

It was clear the psychological toll the loss of David Insfield was on the team directly from the next few minutes. A Unified Beretania attack that should have never begun passed through the very center of the Yaforite defense and a very out-of-position Vanis Kariid fouled the opposing striker directly in front of the goal and directly in the box. It was a red card and a penalty and Vorin Dariegan, who had just entered the fray, was withdrawn for a fourth defender. The Yaforite team just seemed to not concentrate on playing their best game and, instead, seemed directly affected by the loss of David Insfield from their squad. Later, news media sources would comment on the story, noting that "this will be a true test of resolve for Dave Hollow's squad. For them to succeed, they'll have to pass past what clearly is a huge test for them.

Meanwhile, an entire nation hold its breath, hoping desperately that David Insfield, the Bazalonian-born superstar striker, does not remain injured for a long time."

(Phone conversation between Jennifer and Shannon Vilardi)

Jennifer: I can't believe that idiot couldn't get the job done. What a waste of 30,000 GC.

Shannon: I know, but shouldn't you be worried more about then tracing the gun back to you?

Jennifer: They won't find out. The Turkish police have arrested the loser and are giving him the death penalty.

Shannon: Wow, so I guess you did end up indirectly killing someone.

Jennifer: But Ashley still lives and Jeremy I think is still going to propose to her before the United Hetzel game. I have to get this done now!

Shannon: Why? Why is it such a big deal to break them up before the engagement? As long as you do it before the wedding.

Jennifer: Because I don't want that bitch to get the ring. I would go kill her myself but I have to train, I'm actually gonna play. Maybe.

Shannon: Shouldn't you be happy that you are a sub and not a reserve for this game?

Jennifer: Yeah I should be.

Shannon: So how about you score a goal, celebrate like crazy, then jump in Jeremy's arms or something. Ashley might think that was weird.

Jennifer: Yeah like its just that easy to score a goal. Well I have to go to our team meeting, talk to ya later.

Shannon: I know you'll think of something.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

(Prior to team meeting, coach Carson asks Jennifer Vilardi to come into his office)

Vilardi: Hi coach, what is it?

Carson: Good morning, I just wanted to make sure you are ready for the opportunity you may get to have considerable time on the pitch today.

Vilardi: Yeah I'm ready.

Carson: Good, because I may use you. Chris Peterson hasn't been on top form, so if I need to make an offensive substitution, and I am sure I will, then I'm going to call your number over his. So I'd say its about 95% likely that you will be in.

Vilardi: Good I can't wait!

Carson: Are you sure you are ready, because.....

Vilardi: Yeah, why?

Carson: A couple people on the team have said you've been acting a little weird lately. One of our other reserves said he saw you smiling when fans were screaming at halftime with the shooter in our family section.

Vilardi: No I just thought they were screaming in support of us. I didn't know what was happening, I was paying attention to the action on the field.

Carson: Alright I hope so. Anyway, this is your chance. Prescott is only missing one game for his red card, so I want you to make the most of it.

Vilardi: I will coach.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

(Team discussion while Carson has Vilardi in his office)

Drummond: What do you think that's about.

McAllister: Probably just a pep talk.

McElroy: She's been acting weird this whole time.

Brooker: So Jeremy, you're girlfriend thinks the shooter wanted her dead?

McAllister: She said he looked directly at her when he was pointing the gun.

Lewis: That is some scary shit, my brother said that he thought he was targetting Borsinger's family because he tried to say Tony was his brother.

Borsinger: Yeah, I am so thankful to the Lord that they are still ok. My parents said he was yelling something about a girl setting him up, and there's a report that his gun was Newmanistanian.

Lewis: That is very weird.

Drummond: Wasn't there a large sum of money involved?

Brooker: 30,000 I think the Turkish police said, of Newmanistanian money.

McElroy: Whoa hold on.... nah, nevermind.

McAllister: What is it?

McElroy: Someone from Newmanistan set him up. Who has a motive to want Jeremy's girlfriend dead?

Drummond: Thousands of Newmanistanian groupies.

McElroy: It's the same person who stole the ring.

McAllister: Maybe.

McElroy: Who knew that Jeremy HAD the ring that night? Just us.

Brooker: No way.... no freakin way.

(Just as they begin to figure things out, Carson returns with Vilardi to begin the team meeting, a lengthy meeting occurs, then a training session, and afterwards several players group back together to continue talking).

McElroy: Hey Jennifer, come here for a second.

Vilardi: What?

McAllister: Why hello there Jennifer, how are you doing? Did you not make me a post training drink this time?

Vilardi: No sorry I had to be more serious about training today because I might play.

McAllister: Uh huh.

Drummond: What did you think about that incident at halftime of the Turks game, Jenn? Scary, huh?

Vilardi: Yeah

Drummond: Why wasn't Shannon in the family section?

Vilardi: Shannon?!

Drummond: Yeah, your twin sister Shannon, she wasn't with everyone else. Kinda weird.

Vilardi: She couldn't make it.

Drummond: Uh huh.

Brooker: That was something how the gun was Newmanistanian. And he had Newmanistanian money, even though he was from Kose and The Turkomans, huh?

Vilardi: (getting nervous): Yeah, weird.

Brooker: Yeah, quite weird. Almost like someone set him up, but why would someone want to do that?

Vilardi: I don't know.

Brooker: Uh huh.

McElroy: That engagement ring he bought Ashley was beautiful but it got stolen. Good thing he bought another one though, right?

Vilardi: Uh yeah, I guess. Good thing!

McElroy: Uh huh.

McAllister: Well I hope you're ready for United Hetzel. Good luck.

Vilardi: Uh yeah, United Hetzel.

McAllister: Good, because their may be a big moment after the game and I think you should see it, I hope you don't have other plans.

Vilardi: Uhmm, no.

(To be continued.....)

The terrorism attack in Cafundéu did worry the government a lot. The Emperor made a public statement and contacted the government of Daehanjeiguk (OOC: see Cafundéu's last post), but the situation seemed under control. On the other side, Paul Badder's case was the one that was really affecting the Empire, which even created a chance for the country to become a republic.

But the case was being investigated by the best unit of the country, probably one of the best equipped of the world: the AEICC. With efficient and experienced agents, this unit was responsible for solving huge and difficult crimes, and Badder's murder was one of those. In the last weeks, the AEICC made many declarations to the press saying that no big proofs were found and that the investigations had to continue. Some people, after hearing this, even said that the Empire didn't want these proofs to be found.

Now, suddenly, the murderer is caught. The AEICC didn't say nothing about evidences that could lead to the murderer before. They operated secretely.

The gunman is with the AEICC.

The capture of the most wanted fugitive of Cafundéu at the moment seemed a turning point in Paul Badder's case. The killer would have all the informations that could point to the one behind all the scheme. The one that wanted to see the former Counselor-Minister dead. All the details about the murder could be solved now, something that could transform the situation of the country... giving strength to the Empire... or destroying it completely.

The identity of the gunman wasn't a surprise. Not that everyone did know who he was, but everyone expected him to be a top killer. They got it right. The murderer was Álvaro Benhauer, an already famous professional killer, who was from the army and from the AEICC before starting his career as a criminal. Excellent in doing his job, he was able to kill his targets without producing much evidence of the fact. But this time he had to face his former partners of the AEICC, and he was unable to hide everything from them. They eventually discovered him as the responsible for the three shots, and started to go after him without telling the press or even the Empire. An intelligent decision, as someone inside the Empire government is involved in the crime... the Emperor or another person (maybe Derrod? Maybe McKeen? Maybe a Prince?), who would harm their searches.

The AEICC, commanded by General Fred Cardoso, was able to find Benhauer three times and, after shootings and scenes that could turn into an action film, lost him in all these times. But, in the fourth time, Benhauer didn't escape. One of the AEICC agents, Agent Mirela Góes, shot Benhauer, who was immediately captured, still alive. Now, without the danger of dying, the criminal can be interrogated.

Everyone was expecting this. What would Álvaro say?

First, he told the agents how did he kill Badder exactly. With the help of the one that ordered the murder, he entered in the building and received all the instructions about how to reach the Counselor-Minister's apartment. Until then, he didn't have any difficulties. After all, no one knew what was he going to do. He invaded the Counselor-Minister's house using a falsificated key, approached Badder while he was looking at his window, exchanged a few words with him and shot the poor man three times. As his gun was a silenced one, no one could know what did happen at that time, and he escaped the building using an emergency door, to not be seen by the guard who was in the front door of the Diamond Tower.

It seemed so easy to invade the Diamond Tower...

But the most important declaration was going to be said... the AEICC agent asked: who ordered Paul Badder's murder? Benhauer gave a smile and said without hesitation:

"The Emperor, of course. Our Highness Hector I, who else could be?"

Now the Emperor and the Monarchy of Cafundéu seemed doomed.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After Benhauer's declaration, the Emperor locked himself in his office inside the Ministery Skyscraper. He didn't want to talk with anyone. He couldn't believe in what had just happened. If there was any hope of keeping the Cafundelense Monarchy, they were destroyed at the moment that Benhauer smiled to the AEICC agent.

Suddenly, he hears an argument coming from the other side of the door:

"But, Senator, you cannot enter, the Emperor doesn't want to receive anyone, he is shocked with happened."

"He'll have to talk with me. I didn't left the Senate Building for nothing... I want to solve this once for all."

"Please, sir, understand that this is not a good time for making a visit to the Emperor."

"Miss, let me in. Now!"

"You can't enter, I'm sorry."

Then, he hears his door opening suddenly... someone hit it with strength. It was the Senator Olivier Derrod. The Emperor confronted him:

"How can you enter in my office without permission?"

"You wouldn't concede it if I had asked."

"Of course. And that's why you shouldn't be here. Go away. I can still fire you, Senator."

"You won't. I'm the only one that can give you the only chance of keeping the Monarchy."

"Do you still defend me?"

"I don't defend you. I protect the people of Cafundéu against McKeen's plans of dictatorship. One day, I'll remove you from the leadership of this country... but this is not the time."

"But didn't you hear? All the television channels and newspapers say that I ordered Benhauer to kill Badder, I'm the villain of this history."

"I heard it. That's why I came here."

"So?"

"Answer me. Sincerely. Although I don't like you, I think that you're a sincere person. So answer: are you really involved with Badder's death?"

"No, Derrod. Benhauer lied."

Who lied? Benhauer or Hector I?

"Okay, then. Let me present you your last chance of keeping the Monarchy. Before everything, I must say that even doing this your chances are very low."

"Continue."

"First, release Álvaro Benhauer. Say that he'll wait for his judgement in freedom, or while the police doesn't make a warrant."

"What, release the killer? Do you want the people to have an even worse opinion about me?"

"Their opinion cannot be worse."

"Well, well. So, what do we do after?"

"Try to bribe him."

"What?"

"Bribe him. I bet this is one of the things that you're an expert in doing."

"Do not offend me, Derrod."

"Let me explain the plan: you'll bribe Benhauer to change his declaration about you being the one that wanted Badder dead."

"This won't be enough to change public opinion."

"Of course this won't. The fact is that the bribe attempt will lead to the thing that can change the public opinion. Benhauer is an intelligent person. He'll try to profit with this."

"How?"

"If you didn't order him to kill Badder, McKeen did so. So, Benhauer hopes that McKeen will release him when he becomes the President. But, before that, he can try to take some money from the Head Counselor. If you try to bribe him, Benhauer will contact McKeen to see if he'll pay more than you are willing to... if he does so, then Benhauer wouldn't accept your proposal... so, just after you try to bribe him, we start to follow Benhauer, until he leads us to McKeen, until he leads us to a proof that McKeen is the one involved."

"Will this really happen? It seems too complex."

"It will happen. Or he'll cover your proposal, or he'll order the death of Benhauer. I know how these things work, Emperor."

"Okay. After all, this is my only chance. But I've decided to make other thing too, besides this."

"What?"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

One day after, the Emperor appeared in public. It didn't seem a wise decision, as the whole population was against him. People called him a murderer, a devil and many other worse things. He started his declaration, still receiving complaints and protests:

"People of Cafundéu. For many years, I've defended the interests of this country, brought progress to this place and turned it in a powerhouse. Unfortunately, recent incidents have transformed your opinion about me, and I'm really frustrated of it. I thought you had confidence on me, but I see that this wasn't true. Benhauer lied, but I cannot prove this. In ten days, you'll have the chance to decide if the Monarchy will continue, or if the Republic will return. I cannot harm Cafundéu anymore with the accusations against me that appear everyday. So, I've made a decision..."

Tension. Everyone knew that something important was going to be said.

"I resign. I'm not the Emperor of Cafundéu anymore. Alice will take my place as leader of the Monarchy."

SAYINGS OF THE DESERT FATHERS

On Unexpected Success

It was said of John the Dwarf that he withdrew from the squad following their 1-0 upset away to Candelaria and Marquez, where he had scored the winning goal, and lived in the desert at Scetis with an old man of Thebes. His abba, taking a piece of dry wood, planted it and said to him, 'Water it every day with a bottle of water, until it bears fruit.' Now the water was so far away that he had to leave in the evening and return the following morning. At the end of three days the wood came to life and bore fruit. Then the old man took some of the fruit and carried it to the church saying to the brethren, 'Take and eat the fruit of obedience.' Then did John realise that he must return to the squad, and he duly score the dramatic 90th minute equaliser against the Algal States that kept the Archregimancy in second with only two matches to play.

It was also said of Abba John the Dwarf, that one day following the vicotiry over Candelaria and Marquez he said to his brother John Cassian ,'I should like to be free of all care, like the angels, who do not work, but ceaselessly offer worship to God.' So he took off his cloak and went away into the desert. After a week he came back to his brother. When heknocked on the door, he heard his brother say, before he opened it 'Who are you?' He said, 'I am John, your brother.' But he replied, 'John has become an angel, and henceforth he is no longer among men.' Then the other begged him saying. 'It is I.' However, his brother did not let him in, but left him there in distress until morning. Then, opening the door, he said to him, 'You are a man and you must once again work in order to eat.' Then John the Dwarf made a prostration before John, saying, 'Forgive me.' Thus did John return to the squad to play the role against the Algal States described above. And who is to say which version is true? Might not both tales contain the truth?

Poemen said of John the Dwarf that he had prayed God to take his passions away from him so that he might become free from care. He went and
told an old man this; 'I find myself in peace, without an enemy, not even on the opposing squads' he said. Anthony said to him, 'Go beseech God to stir up the desire to defeat the last two opposing teams so that you may regain the affliction and humility that you used to have, for it is by opposition that the soul makes progress.' So he besought God and when training sessions for the last two qualifiers came to pass, he no longer prayed that his passions might be taken away, but said, 'Lord, give me strength for the fight.'

"Finally convinced, old friend?"

"Well, I'll at least admit that the results have been better in this second half of qualifying. Six points off Bearbears and Naggetski is a hell of a lot better than the single point we managed off the same weak opponents in the first half of qualification. But there's one thing I still don't get, Juan."

"Which is?"

"Why do they have to eat the opposition to win? And why do they always wait until they've conceded a goal first?"

"Because that's what man-eating blancmanges do."

"What, always concede the first goal?"

"No. Eat people. That's simply their nature. You might as well get upset with a rabbit for eating lettuce."

"Didn't the Daehanjeiguk authorities already say that?"

"Not quite, but something similar. They only concede the first goal because they have to work up an appetite. Anyway, there's no reason to get too upset. Admittedly we have a couple of tough matches against Kereca and the Pazhujeb Islands left, but we're sitting in second with good head to head results against those two, and better goal difference, so I'd say our fate is in the squad's hands."

"Blancmanges don't have hands, Juan."

"Their fate is in their pseudopods then. Whatever. We'll just have to make sure they're really, really hungry before the match. Then we can't possibly fail...."

"Ze kess for ze second Margaret ees zees," declared von Steuben. The three of them were gathered in his lab going over evidence. "Ze vait of ze outcome for zees metches ees meeneemal at bist, und none of ze players involved vere in ze radar of ze bick cloobs."

"Arguments against, though, include the localized nature of the event," said Russ. "The only matches affected were in Lunarossa, Helmut, and Yuki. If this was a supernatural event, we would expect the fixes to be more widespread."

"And when you look at the Yuki cases, they all occurred within fifteen miles of the Kishin borough," added Peter, "which is the highest concentration out of the affected states. That seems to indicate that there is a third party involved."

"But the method of attack seems to be the same," said Russ. "An accomplice?"

"I don't think so," replied Peter. That other guy can't be aware of what I've been up to, but what does this mean? Is there a second Note? He didn't consider that it was also possible that the second user had a different way of affecting the players. "If that was the case, we'd likely see more coordinated use. But the timing is completely off. The Kishin events don't overlap with the Lunarossa and Helmut ones at all."

Von Steuben looked at a map they'd set up in the room, with pins inserted to show the location of the affected matches. He placed his hand to his chin. "I heff a seory," he began. "Eef you sink about eet, eef somevone hess zees power, zen vy oos eet on ze minor liggs een Dancougar?"

"That's something that was bothering me," said Russ. "This reeks of inside job, no matter how you look at it."

Peter's eyes narrowed. "But we have no evidence of the method. We can't say for sure that it has to be internal."

"Ah, boot eet ees ze moost likely shenario, yah?" replied von Steuben. "Who else vould care about ze results oof amateur gemms except somevone froom here? Zere vere a variety oof deeferent events een ze fixinks, so I sink zat ze small scale oof se fixinks reflects zees - zey vere tests of ze power!"

"Tests for what, though?" asked Russ. "You think they've since had a hand in the D-League, or in qualifiers?"

"If so, it's been well hidden," replied Peter. It better be; I've had to be more careful since this investigation began. He turned back to the map. "If we're assuming the Kishin actor is different, then chances are very good that we'll still find them there. The closeness of the affected matches tells me that."

"I agree," said von Steuben. "Ve should look closer at ze effidence to see eef ve can peek somesing oot."

Elsewhere...

The players gathered in the park shared confused glances with each other. Karen was among them. As she stretched on the grass, she couldn't help but wonder what the deal was with the two people before them with clipboards. One looked normal enough. A girl dressed in all white with rather clunky-looking shorts that threatened to come off at any time. The man - was it a man? - with her was more interesting. He was dressed in all black with a cape and helmet, which included a mask covering his entire face.

One of the players stepped forward. "Excuse me... we're looking for the Black Knights trial..."

"You're here, don't worry," the masked man said. "Allow me to introduce myself. You might remember that we spoke over the phone. My name... is Zero." The assembled players murmured. "You may be wondering why I'm dressed like this," he said. "Well, it's all a part of the team's identity. You already know that we are called the Black Knights. And now I stand before you prepared to accept that role.."

"Hey, now, you're not expecting us to wear that to play, are you?" asked another player.

"Of course not," Zero replied. "I apologize if it's distracting, but whenever my mind is on football, I must embrace my identity as a Black Knight and shed that of my other self."

He's kind of crazy, but he means well, thought Karen. He looks like he's taking this seriously... let's see what this is about!

"Now, then, I've prepared some workouts to see what you all can do," Zero continued. C walked around handing each player a packet which they started skimming through.

"Excuse me, sir?" asked a player. "Yeah... so, most of us already know what positions we are. Can't we just skip all this and start..."

"Positions?" asked Zero. "So you want to create a tactical plan right from the start, then?"

"I... I guess," the player replied. "I mean, yeah you need to see what we can do, but you know who you've recruited. You can mold us to your plan, or something."

"I'd actually prefer not to do it that way; sure, you can tell me that you've always played defender or always played forward, but my question is if that's what you're naturally, truly suited for," replied Zero. "In order to have the best chance at winning, a team must play its best eleven players. Well, if I pick a strategy now and figure out who can best make it happen, does that necessarily mean the best eleven are out?"

Karen listened intently as Zero explained his reasoning. Wow... I've never thought of it that way... !!

"Rather, I want to find out who the best players are and mold a strategy around THEM," Zero concluded. "It's most effective if the best players are used to their fullest, isn't that so?"

"But then we'll just get in each other's way!" said another. "I'm not saying I'm better or worse than anyone here, but if you put six guys out there who all want the ball, what happens?"

"A natural cycle, of course," said Zero. "Fluid play. Nobody has a set role, nobody plays positions. Everybody does everything. When one goes forward, another doubles back. The person in position to make a play does so, and the rest cover. If you work together, you'll find that your individual talents are multiplied." He lifted his clipboard. "But I'm getting ahead of myself," he said. "Let's get started."

QSPN.com FootballNet

Qualifying scenarios for MD 9: (please note that all possible tiebreakers are NOT applied to these scenarios, so there could be other possible scenarios.)

GROUP 1:
Bazalonia: Clinched group and World Cup berth.

Rennidan: Clinches World Cup berth with a win and a Wentland loss or draw.

Wentland: Cannot yet clinch. Eliminated with a loss or draw and a Rennidan win.

Prux: Cannot yet clinch. Eliminated with a Rennidan win.

GROUP 2:
Bettia: Clinched World Cup berth; clinches Group title with win or Kura-Pelland loss or draw.

Kura-Pelland: Clinches World Cup berth with a win or draw and either a Jariss loss or draw.

Jariss: Cannot yet clinch. Eliminated with a loss or draw to Bettia and a Kura-Pelland win or draw.

Vonks: Cannot yet clinch. Eliminated with a loss or draw or a Kura-Pelland win or draw.

GROUP 3:
Dancougar: Clinched group and World Cup berth.

Blouman Empire: Clinches World Cup berth with a win and an Az-cz loss.

Az-cz: Cannot yet clinch. Eliminated with a loss and a Blouman Empire win.

Green wombat: Cannot yet clinch. Eliminated with a loss or draw or a Blouman Empire win or draw.

Free Krytenian Rebels: Cannot yet clinch. Eliminated with a loss or draw or a Blouman Empire win or draw.

GROUP 4:
Quakmybush: Clinches World Cup Berth with a win and a Sel Appa-Septentrionia Draw or a win or draw and a Sel Appa win over Septentrionia

Sel Appa: Clinches World Cup Berth with a win over Septentrionia.

Septentrionia: Cannot yet clinch. Eliminated with a loss to Sel Appa and a Quakmybush win or draw.

GROUP 5:
Northern Bettia: Clinched World Cup berth; clinches group with a win or a draw and either a Cafundeu loss or draw.

Cafundeu: Clinches World Cup berth with a win or Lovisa loss or draw.

Lovisa: Cannot yet clinch. Eliminated with a loss or draw or a Cafundeu win.

GROUP 6:
West Starblaydia: Clinched World Cup berth; Clinches group with a win or a draw and a Casari loss or draw.

Casari: Clinches World Cup berth with a win or a draw and a Jeru FC loss.

Jeru FC: Cannot yet clinch. Eliminated with a loss and either a Casari win or draw.

GROUP 7:
Zwangzug: Clinched World Cup berth; Clinches Group title with win over Qazox.

Qazox: Clinched World Cup berth; cannot yet clinch Group title.

GROUP 8:
Demot: Clinched World Cup berth; Clinches group with a win or a draw and a UCS-JSY loss or draw.

UCS-JSY: Clinched World Cup berth; cannot yet clinch group title.

GROUP 9:
Yafor 2: Clinches World Cup berth with win or draw vs. Kelssek. Clinches group title with win vs. Kelssek and a Yafalonia and Bazor 2 loss.

Yafalonia and Bazor 2: Clinches World Cup berth with a win and either a Yafor 2-Kelssek draw or a Yafor 2 win over Kelssek or a draw and a Yafor 2 win over Kelssek.

Kelssek: Cannot yet clinch World Cup berth. Eliminated with a loss to Yafor 2 and either a Yafalonia and Bazor 2 win or draw.

GROUP 10:
Jeruselem: Clinched World Cup berth. Clinches Group with either a win or a draw and a Taeshan loss or draw.

Taeshan: Clinches World Cup berth with either a win or a draw and either a Lithima loss or draw.

Sorthern Northland: Cannot yet clinch World Cup berth. Eliminated with a draw vs. Taeshan or a loss.

Lithima: Cannot yet clinch World Cup berth. Eliminated with a loss or a draw or a Taeshan win or draw.

GROUP 11:
Milchama: Clinched group and World Cup berth.

The Holy Empire: Clinches World Cup berth with a win and either a The Pazhujeb Islands loss or draw. Eliminated with a loss to Kercea by 5 goals and a The Pazhujeb Islands loss or draw.

Kercea: Clinches World Cup berth with a win by 5 or more goals over The Hole Empire and a The Pazhujeb Islands loss. Eliminated with a loss and a The Pazhujeb Islands loss or draw.

The Pazhujeb Islands: Cannot yet clinch, eliminated with a loss or a draw, if the The Holy Empire-Kercea match doesn't end in a draw.

Group 12:
Tynelia: Clinched group and World Cup berth.

Starblaydia: Clinches World Cup berth with a win or a draw or a Nire and Nire loss or draw.

Nire and Nire: Cannot yet clinch. Eliminated with a loss or draw or a Starblaydia win or draw.

GROUP 13:
Sqournshelous: Clinched group and World Cup berth.

Kose and the Turkomans: Clinches World Cup berth with a win over Vephrall.

Vephrall: Cannot yet clinch. Eliminated with a loss to Kose and the Turkomans.

Newmanistan: Cannot yet clinch. Eliminated with a loss or draw or a Kose and the Turkomans win over Vephrall.

GROUP 14:
Valanora: Clinched group and World Cup berth.

The Archregimancy: Clinches World Cup berth with a win and draws and/or losses by both Algal states and Candelaria And Marquez.

Algal states: Cannot yet clinch. Eliminated with a loss or draw and a The Archregimancy win.

Candelaria And Marquez: Cannot yet clinch. Eliminated with a loss or draw and a The Archregimancy win.

GROUP 15:
Capitalizt SLANI: Clinched World Cup berth. Clinches Group with a win and a Bostopia loss.

Bostopia: Clinched World Cup berth. Cannot yet clinch group.

Tunk: You're a genius Dazza. You make the team train at home in the snow. Of course, the team didn't like it but then we trashed SN at their home.
Dazza: You see, a football field converted with Pistachio nuts is like snow covered field. So when the SN players kept on falling over while the Jeruselemites stayed standing.
Tunk: Yes, we played much better football because we weren't falling over. The snow training did make the difference.
Dazza: That's why I'm the Technical Manager.

Tunk: How did work this out?
Dazza: Oh, Marie was standing in a pile of nuts once and complained it was like trying to get up a ski slope without skis.
Tunk: Really?
Dazza: So me and Marie tried run on the pile of nuts, and well it was hard. You couldn't get any real grip and kept falling over.

Tunk: Well, it really did work. Our team handled the nuts much better than the locals.
Dazza: Yes, I'm not a pretty face and body for sale. There's brains behind all that.
Tunk: Well, we qualified! And that's all that matters, now for the next win to be the best team in the group.
Dazza: I don't think we'll be needing any more snow training unless we play against Bostopia who also throw nuts at us.

Tunk: Actually, I've got a feeling we'll run into the Turks.
Dazza: Why do say that?
Tunk: Because, we always run into hot teams.
Dazza: No team has hotter than Jeruselem, in terms of hot women anyway.

Tunk: Any news about how your Marie-Antoinette got along with that President Sheridan fella?
Dazza: Well, they are still throwing nuts at us so I don't think that's changed.
Tunk: She's not back yet, I hope nothing silly has happened.
Dazza: Like what? Kidnapping?

Tunk: Nah, kidnapping a Dallas girl would be silly. You'd be accused of keeping one for a sex slave. You know what I mean Dazza, you and your girls can't keep out of beds.
Dazza: Doesn't bother me! I'm sure Sheridan would try to avoid that since sleeping with Dallas girl isn't in his interest for his image.
Tunk: I truly hope so.
Dazza: I'm sure they just having a good time with lots of alcohol and ... nuts

Tunk: I think it was actually Pork bits.
Dazza: Marie is French, not Jewish.
Tunk: Hopefully you are right about Marie, and Sheridan.
Dazza: Hehe, but she likes good time still - anywhere.

Tunk: What's with the raincoat?
Dazza: It's been raining! Nuts! No fun fishing nuts out of your clothes.

Minutes of the Top Secret Meeting at the Vonkian FA

Peter Ballantyne, chairman: Now, just run this by me one last time, so I'm sure I've got it right. In order to qualify, what needs to happen?

Ian Rice, defender/nerd: Vonks need to win both their remaining games - home fixtures against the Fujisawan Territories and Jariss. Also, it is essential that Kura-Pelland LOSE their last two games - home fixtures against Dennisov and Bettia. AND it is essential that Jariss either lose or draw their away game at Bettia tomorrow. If Jariss win, or Kura-Pelland get a single point, we're out of the World Cup. But to look on the bright side, it doesn't matter what happens in the game between Dennisov and the Fujisawans.

PB: So, of the six remaining games, we need five of the results to go our way, and we're only playing in two of them?

IR: That's right.

PB: So, tomorrow we host these Territorial people I've seen wandering around the place, Kura-Pelland host Dennisov and Bettia host Jariss. What are the chances of Kura-Pelland losing?

IR: Slim to zero. Dennisov are quite bad at playing football, they have nothing to play for but pride and they lost the reverse fixture 4-1 at home.

PB: And Bettia beating Jariss? That shouldn't be a problem, should it?

IR: Unfortunately, it seems unlikely that they'll be trying too hard. Knowing that they were certain of qualifying, they sent a reserve team to the Fujisawan Territories last time, and lost.

PB: Right, here's the plan. And this is top secret, you understand, because I gather that attempting to influence the results of other games is considered "cheating" by some interfering busybodies. "Big Eddie" Herrman, you will hop on a plane to Kura-Pelland tonight. Here's your ticket, in the name of Gladys Paradis, famous foreign pop chanteuse. When you arrive at the Shanvley Stadium, you will introduce yourself to the event coordinators, say that you just happened to be passing and volunteer to sing the national anthem. When you're out on the pitch, you will suddenly run to the lineup of Kura-Pellandi players, kick as many of them as possible in the shins in order to render them unable to play, flee the stadium, remove the disguise that enabled you to pass yourself off as the petite, five-foot-tall, attractive female singer, steal a car and drive to safety, using your extensive experience as a policeman to allow you to get away with breaking the law. Any questions?

Peter "Big Eddie" Herrman: No, that all seems simple enough. But what if I'm needed here for the game tonight?

PB: Don't be silly, you're never needed in our games. You only get to play when Rajesh Khudanpur isn't available, and he's robustly healthy and in great form. Now off you go, you wouldn't want to be late for your singing debut!

P"BE"H: (leaves, mumbling to himself) Someone oughtta kick Fatty Khudanpur in the shins, the great fat pudding, why does he get to be first choice centre-half all the time?

PB: Right, that's that sorted. Kura-Pelland won't be beating Dennisov with sore shins! Now for Bettia and Jariss. This is where you come in, Ian. You will fly to Bettia, disguised as a professor of probability from some foreign university. You will arrange for yourself to appear on a Bettian national television programme, and explain using statistics that it is in fact possible for Bettia not to qualify after all. You're terribly good at explaining statistics and permutations, I'm sure you can manage to sound convincing. That will motivate Bettia to try to win (or at least draw) the game, and save our Vonkian hopes of qualifying. Any questions?

IR: B-but, I can't LIE about STATISTICS! It-it just can't be done! Statistics are statistics, you can't just make them up!

PB: Nonsense, I make up statistics all the time. It's a necessary skill in the real world. Come on now, young man. I understand you like looking at women in bikinis. I'll arrange lots of that for you if you'll do this thing for me.

IR: (stammers, loosens his collar and faints)

PB: Hmm, well, just in case that doesn't work, I suppose we'll have to go with your plan B as well, Adam.

Adam Bradshaw: Yay! I promise it will work! I'll go to Bettia, pretend to be an ordinary Bettian fan and talk to their team. I'll tell them an inspirational fable about a little mouse who set out to win a football game even though he didn't need to win it in order to qualify for the World Cup - I wrote it myself, it's called "The Little Mouse Who Won The Football Game" - and fire them up with enthusiasm! They'll win ten-nil! Ooh, can I take Bunny with me?

PB: Who or what is Bunny?

AB: He's our team mascot. He's the head - or at any rate the top bit - of a giant man-eating blancmange from the Dreamed Realm, who fell in the Biggest Vonkian Lake during a friendly game. He's about the size of a very large bunny rabbit, he eats mice and gerbils, he makes sweet little growling noises and he's very cute. The Bettians will love him!

PB: (sighs) Fine. Go to Bettia, and take Ian with you. Hopefully he'll wake up before you get there. Just don't mention bikinis, he clearly gets a little bit flustered by the concept.

http://img187.imageshack.us/img187/8029/dailyturkpy7.png
Alhrem Calls For One Final Effort
With qualification within one games reach Coach Keron Alhrem has called for one final effort to win their make or break game against Vephrall with hopes of joining Squornshelous in the World Cup.

For the victory to happen the defense will need to be on form to repel the Vephese attacks and the midfield will need to be dominant in the air to feed Sinan Kose the ball. Alhrem said in the press conference " The defense has been working hard to be prepared for the immense battle, I want this proud nation to advance and I hope to remain the manager after this campaign. The midfield has been working on it's attacks on the wings and the full backs will be more involved, we will fight to the end." Perhaps the level headed Alhrem has been influenced by Turkic culture? he appears to have adopted our determined attitude in his coaching style.

Sinan Kose echoed his manager saying that they fear nothing "Even if we fall behind we will fight to the very end no matter what!" He went on to say "If we win tonight it will represent our greatest triumph in world football, I certainly think we deserve it, Vephrall have done a lot with little effort and I say that most would prefer us to go through, just to shake things up, but if we don't then thats football."

The capacity crowd in the Sultan Ibrahim XIII Stadi will be expectant of it's players and the hopes of the nation rest on the team.

"Credo ego vos, iudices, mirari, quid sit, quod, cum tot summi oratores hominesque nobilissimi sedeant, ego potissimum surrexerim, is, qui neque aetate neque ingenio neque auctoritate sim cum his, qui sedeant, comparandus. 0mnes hi, quos videtis adesse in hac causa, iniuriam novo scelere conflatam putant oportere defendi, defendere ipsi propter iniquitatem temporum non audent. Ita fit, ut adsint propterea, quod officium sequuntur, taceant autem idcirco, quia periculum vitant.

Quid ergo? Audacissimus ego ex omnibus? Minime. An tanto officiosior quam ceteri? Ne istius quidem laudis ita sum cupidus, ut aliis eam praereptam velim. Quae me igitur res praeter ceteros impulit, ut causam Sex. Rosci reciperem? Quia, si qui istorum dixisset, quos videtis adesse, in quibus summa auctoritas est atque amplitudo, si verbum de re publica fecisset, id, quod in hac causa fieri necesse est, multo plura dixisse, quam dixisset, putaretur.

Ego autem si omnia, quae dicenda sunt, libere dixero, nequaquam tamen similiter oratio mea exire atque in volgus emanare poterit. Deinde quod ceterorum neque dictum obscurum potest esse propter nobilitatem et amplitudinem neque temere dicto concedi propter aetatem et prudentiam. Ego si quid liberius dixero, vel occultum esse propterea, quod nondum ad rem publicam accessi, vel ignosci adulescentiae meae poterit; tametsi non modo ignoscendi ratio verum etiam cognoscendi consuetudo iam de civitate sublata est.

Accedit illa quoque causa, quod a ceteris forsitan ita petitum sit, ut dicerent, ut utrumvis salvo officio se facere posse arbitrarentur; a me autem ei contenderunt, qui apud me et amicitia et beneficiis et dignitate plurimum possunt, quorum ego nec benivolentiam erga me ignorare nec auctoritatem aspernari nec voluntatem neglegere debebam.

His de causis ego huic causae patronus exstiti, non electus unus, qui maximo ingenio, sed relictus ex omnibus, qui minimo periculo possem dicere, neque uti satis firmo praesidio defensus Sex. Roscius, verum uti ne omnino desertus esset. Forsitan quaeratis, qui iste terror sit et quae tanta formido..."

"O Marce Tulli, necesse est interrumpere..."

"Quia? Nunc? In plenum fluvium..."

"Quintus Aemilius Lentulus mihi nuntium dedit...gravissim'est..."

Cicero iracundiosus sedit.

"Iudices, nuntium legere debeo...momentum manete, istem summisso...eheu..."

"O Quinte Fabi, festina! Magnum orationem habeo..."

"Tacis, Marce...in manum habeo...iudices, audite me!"

"Quod est, Quinte Fabi? Germani invenunt?"

"Minime, superior est...Terra Venta tres, Rennidanus nullius..."

"Eheu! Vae victis!"

"Nunc orationem continuere possum?"

"Tam scelestum! Nunc est lugendum..."

Atque iudices luxeunt. O tempora!

Mark Tupper wasn't entirely sure if the feeling swelling in his chest was elated joy or a heart attack.

Five-nil. Zero. Zilch. Zip. Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy.

Was this the best performance at the World Cup yet? Surely it was. Even if they didn't qualify - which was never an expectation anyway - this victory was incontrovertibly a result of him being awesome.

---INTERMISSION FOR HAIKU---

Five-zero victory
Great, wonderful merriment
The good kind of shock

-------------------------------

Yes, awesome. Oh, of course Kelssek should have won anyway, but 5-0? Oh, no. That's something else. That's managerial competence! Yes, competence! Even if it ended here, but why should it? Surely the Yafawhatevers were beatable. Damn right they were!

He would have to make that point in his team talk. Note that down. Oh yes. 5-0 is just the beginning, baby.

He downed a shot of whisky and ordered another, on the rocks this time. This one he would savour.

The Gassett Candelariasian Online>Sport>Football>In Brief*

Not. Just. Yet. C&M v Zarbli, live from the Millerman Sheppard Stadium, showing on TV1 at half past seven in the evening. Viewing figures were expected to be huge, yet this had all the potential to be among the worst televisual events of the year; an episode that could only be viewed between one’s figures, tragic, yet strangely watchable, sentimental as all public occasions in the capital seem to be at the moment, an awkward, embarrassing and generally disappointing ninety minutes unworthy of the hype and the occasion.

Thankfully, all that will be left to the Nelson Mandela birthday concert, and Kris Healy has the Algal States to thank for that. They may be ranked somewhere below Bumiroar and the Evil Polish Donors, but the remarkable performances of the Maritime Commonwealth could yet point the way to the Big Blues’ salvation. Before the national anthems had been completed in Albrecht, word began filtering through that the Holy Monastic Republic had been held at home, two apiece. Distant as it still seemed, C&M still had a chance of ensuring an invitation back to the top table.

Healy had unsurprisingly opted to make changes following the insipid defeats to the Holy Monastic Republic in the last round and away at Zarbli earlier in the group, though these amounted largely to Ramiro Novo’s return to the starting XI and the embracing once more of the classic 4-4-2 of old.

Yet C&M’s performance of the first half hour wouldn’t put the willies up even the Eesseffian second eleven, against a Zarblese side also fighting to maintain their own distant hopes of a debut qualification. Where Nudag’s side were fast and fluid, C&M seemed sluggish and robotic; frequently reduced to hefting long balls up to Novo and Ignacio Vélez. At times it looked as though that would be enough, with the week Zarblese backline struggling consistently with the Big Blues’ veteran attack, but the Cafundó do Juta and Parwood City expats failed to truly test the ‘keeper Kasapa early on.

The entirely home-based Zarblese side – missing the injured Albrecht FC right-back Valete, who is still to make an appearance for his Candelariasian club – were prepared to allow C&M to dictate the play and hit the home side on the counter; and on thirty-seven the fine young Canibals players, Norman and Sohizo, combined to give the visitors the lead – even if the final touch came off Demario Ortiz.

Never the most atmospheric of grounds, all the vim and vigour of the home support seemed to vanish from the MSS the moment the ball touched the back of the net, and there was a clear sense that the loyal Candelariasians fans were preparing a hail of whistles at half-time, and perhaps the occasional ‘You don’t know what you’re doing’.

As directed to the manager, they probably had a point; but the players were made of sterner stuff. And one in particular – Melin Siriwong, the find of this campaign while his MarquezOW side remain in the CMSC doldrums, who took the game by the scruff from that moment on. Siriwong equalised almost from the restart, powering down the left past Bonfus and launching a sweeping cross. Kato headed comfortably away, but only as far as Rául Vélez, who found space in between Kato and Bonfus to set up Siriwong.

A sensational comeback was completed on the stroke of half-time through the rather more familiar scorer of Ignacio Vélez, his forty-first in international football in his seventy-six caps. Healy feted the elder Vélez brother as C&M’s “greatest ever” after the game, and in purely statistical terms his pronouncement cannot be argued with. Barring mishap, Vélez will surpass O’Sullivan Caras’ cap record come the end of the post-qualifying tournament and his goalscoring record will surely not be overcome for many years indeed. He and Novo will be utterly indispensable if C&M are somehow to scramble to their third World Cup.

His forty-fifth-minute goal was a thing of beauty by any standards, a run from the half-way line past three Zarblese defenders ending with a turn and shot which bellied his years in pace, poise and strength. Both Vélezes were involved in C&M’s third too, but it was Siriwong once again who found the finish for his fifth international goal – as many as Jos Cornelisse managed in fifty caps. That came on the fifty-seventh minute and from then on the Big Blues took it easy, mindful of the rather greater challenge to come mere days from now.

Turkmen edges Turkomans closer While C&M’s qualification hangs in the balance, the annual search for a new team to support in the finals is currently resting on the Kosenic side, at least in the northern parts of Clotaire, following another fine goal and performance from Serkan Turkmen, the Harpies midfielder. Their Group 13 remains extremely tight however, with the Turkomans facing clashes with Vephrall and Squornshelous to come. Even Newmanistan, who have a rather easier run-in, are far from out of the picture.

CMSC representation at the World Cup is well and truly assured, led as usual by Zwangzug but continuing with the Eesseff, Capitalizt SLANI, Squornshelous, Demot and West Starblaydia. Many other Candelariasian fans will be looking out for Kura-Pelland, the Blouman Empire will have backing from El din, the Cafundelense and Starblaydis from Onwere, Kelsekkians from Albrecht, Tieshanese and Sorthern Northlandish from opposing halves of Clotaire, Kereca from Zapata and Vephrese from Arrigo.

Or will they? With the Big Blues still set for the Cup of Harmony, all these cities’ clubs could face losing their best stars for several CMSC once the World Cup gets under way.

Stewart gets Eesseff nod? Kris Healy appears to have sprung quite a surprise for C&M’s penultimate group game, a clash with the world champions in Capri. That they have already qualified could prove a massive blessing for C&M, with Rúmil Oronar widely expected to test the depth of his squad and rest the likes of Kiso Night and Laborious Hawk, as well as the CMSC pair of Espy va Drake and Scott Soldarian. A new threat may come in the form of Roger Zetaback, the former Green Island star who knows his Candelariasian counterparts very well indeed.

Perhaps to counter this, several tabloids claim this morning that Healy will withdraw Rául Vélez from the centre of the park in favour of Nathanial Stewart, the former Castillo FC midfielder who now plies his trade at Jerusalem United. Stewart’s versatility in both defensive and offensive roles may also have garnered him the nod but, given his inexperience, this will surely prove a decision that will make or break Healy’s future in the national team dugout.

Realistically, C&M will need at least a point at the Hatire Memorial if they still want to maintain a hope of qualifying. The Holy Monastic Republic travel to Zarbli – far from a simple test, but made easier by the Zarblese’s own lack of direct motivation for the encounter. Should they come away with a defeat however, the Big Blues’ chances will remain alive until the trip to the Algal States.

Regardless of results, C&M’s away tour will continue into a third match, with a friendly at Taeshan already lined up.

Was Jesus Based on Pagan Gods? Possibly. <more>

Abbott About In the one hundred and forty-fourth part of his ongoing celebration of modern C&M’s socio-cultural diversity; Bill Abbott, in association with the Ministry for Remedial Teaching, travels to the Hoxton borough of Albrecht to meet Barry Fish, a member of the Eesseffian community in the Candelarias.

BA: Barry, it’s a pleasure to meet you.

BF: Urr… Mm. Yeah. No, and you, yeah.

BA: If we could start with football first, you must be looking forward to World Cup 42 now. The Eesseff will certainly be one of the favourites, but you’re not going to be walking to the title this time around, are you? Besides the usual suspects, one only needs look at the form of Tynelia, the Jeruselemites, the Yaforites, West Starblaydia and even Dancougar to see that the ranks of the ‘Elite’ are rather wider than they once were, don’t you think?

BF: Yeah, no, absolutely. It’s, uh, it’s, yeah, it’s good, y’know?

BA: Moving on to you and your people for a moment, then, and of course Eesseffian residents of the Candelarias are best known as highly skilled and hugely popular football stars. But there’s plenty of others here like yours…elf… um… I mean, like you, and like so many immigrant groups in this godforsaken, racist hole of a country, it’s not always easy for yourse… you lot, is it? I’d imagine your pale skin and your ears, which come as the result of ritual stretching – a fine part of your cultural heritage, I must say – do make you stand out.

BF: Yes. Well yes, no, it’s not always, y’know? People do uh, people do uh, yeah. But um, mm.

BA: Is there any fear of you actually answering these questions, Barry?

BF: But I haven’t got stretched ears, Mr. Abbott!

BA: That can be rectified, Mr. Fish. Quickly and without fuss.

BF: Ah. Okay. Yes, I did used to get picked on, and it’s a right bugger to find hats that’ll fit me, I can tell you.

BA: Mm, and of course your distinctive linguistic quirks must have made you something of a target. Of course, the Eesseff spent many centuries cut off from the rest of the English-speaking world, which explains your peoples’ lack of contractions and affection for elder forms of our ghastly, culturally imperious mother tongue. Doesn’t it?

BF: Oh, absolutely. Foorsooth, prithee!

BA: Prithee?

BF: Um. Very ancient Anglo-Eesseffian word for an outside toilet, Mr. Abbott.

BA: Excellent. Of course, many of you are rather ancient yoursel… you, uh, aren’t you? Isn’t the average lifespan of an Eesseffian native ninety-three? That’s very impressive.

BF: Lots of vitamin C, Mr. Abbott.

BA: Well that’s admirable. Of course, it hasn’t always been plain sailing for you Eesseffians lately, has it? I believe that your people have suffered quite the disaster recently?

BF: Um… Yes? Oh, yeah. It were horrible, Mr. Abbot.

BA: Prithee…?

BF: Prithee, aye.

__________________

*Candelariasians have a curious personal notion of the concept of brevity.

McAllister: I'm gonna call her out, go to her room, and straight up ask for the ring back.

Drummond: Be careful she doesn't go psycho.

McAllister: I can handle her even if she does.

Drummond: Probably right.

(McAllister makes an unexpected visit to Jennifer Vilardi's room following the previous conversation)

Vilardi: Oh Jeremy, what a surprise, come in.

McAllister: Thanks Jenn, you look good today.

Vilardi: Oh thanks I thought you would like this outfit.

McAllister: I meant on the pitch in training. This United Hetzel game is huge.

Vilardi: (dejected) Oh.

McAllister: It is a nice outfit, don't get me wrong, but I'm a little more worried about football then I am about other things right now.

Vilardi: I see.

McAllister: Alright Jenn, I'll be straight up with you. Give me the ring back.

Vilardi: (stunned) What?

McAllister: It's over. We've put two and two together. We know you took the ring.

Vilardi: I didn't....

McAllister: Security said there was no unauthorized personnel in our locker room that day. You were authorized, and you're a reserve so you can be one of the first to enter or last to leave very easily. You have tried the ol' fashioned groupie trick of lacing up a drink on me ever since that day. Do you not think that's not been tried on me before?

Vilardi: (getting very nervous): uhmmm....

McAllister: Shannon wasn't in the family section in Kose and The Turkomans because you didn't want her to be in trouble in case the gunmen had second thoughts once he got down there and pointed her out as you, since you two are identical twins.

Vilardi: But....

McAllister: A little weird that a man from Kose and The Turkomans would have a Newmanistanian gun and Newmanistanian currency, a large amount of it, I must add. it's not as if our countries border each other or anything. Someone gave him that money.

(Vilardi stares)

McAllister: What did Ashley ever do to you, Jenn? To make you want to kill her? You couldn't stop at keeping her from getting an engagement ring, you had to to hire a hitman to try to kill her.

Vilardi: I don't....

McAllister: Give me the ring. Now. It's over, Jenn. Over. You lost.

(Vilardi starts to cry)

McAllister: Oh boy.

Vilardi: (while crying): Ashley... she's a bimbo, a golddigger, she doesn't deserve you.

McAllister: If you thought those things, you could have just told me you felt that way.

Vilardi (still crying): You wouldn't have listened.

McAllister: Maybe not, but it would have been alot more civil.

Vilardi (still crying): I want you to be mine.

McAllister: You've always been a friend, but all this wasn't necessary. Give me back the ring.

Vilardi: I sold it. (crying still) Ok ok I took it, but I don't have it, I sold it.

McAllister: I'm glad you finally admitted that. Did you set up that Turkish guy?

Vilardi: (thinks) No. I don't know what happened there. All I did was take the ring, nothing else. I didn't want her killed.

McAllister: I want you to give me 500,000 GC then, the cost of the ring.

Vilardi: Fine. I'm sorry Jeremy, I love you, I really do. (suddenly pounces on him and kisses him)

McAllister: (pushing her off): You're a friend and a teammate, but not my girlfriend. Please respect that. Were a friend, anyway.

Vilardi: I'm sorry.

McAllister: Yeah, well we need to beat United Hetzel, so, lets think about them. Bye Jenn.

Vilardi: Bye. (McAllister leaves, Vilardi runs to webcam.....)

Vilardi: Dammit, it wasn't on!

8 matchdays in and what have we learned? Well, the average eighth grader could tell you what we've learned. Infact, we have an average eighth grader with us today. Jeremiah Duplessis from Commonwealth Middle School in Grape, Petrol Harbor wrote 5 things that we've learned from our first trip into international soccer.

1. If you can't find it on a map, you probably don't want to go there.

I sill don't know where Yafalonia and Bazor 2 is. Even the teachers don't know, but I know that every time we have to deal with a team with a 2 in the name we got drilled.

2. Home field advantage is over-rated when no one shows up to the game.

Like, I watched the game against Kelssek on the TV, and it was cool and all being in S.H. but there were like 8,000 people there. They couldn't even make any noise, it was totally not scary for them.

3. Never underestimate your opponents.

We lost to a team with no rank at all. That's so lame.

4. Having character matters.

When they stomped Quintero out I was like, "ye ye whut!". Then I was like, sick, and then I realized that we didn't have a gaolie anymore because our own people scragged him. That's so not cool, they tell us that on our middle school team.

5. There's always next year.

World Cup 42 starts in a year or so right? Sweet, maybe we won't suck next time. And we wont have any prisoners.

http://www.prism.gatech.edu/~gth681k/ns/vephrall/BCN.png
Football Today

FS: Crunch time is approaching in World Cup qualifying. Bettia-Jariss. Sel Appa-Septentrionia. Yafor 2-Kelssek. Sorthern Northland-Taeshan. Holy Empire-Kereca. These are just a few of the critical Matchday 9 ties that could decide who goes to the big dance. Who will step up and who will choke?

GR: And of course, even bigger than all of those, the white and gold of Vephrall travel to Kose and the Turkomans facing potential elimination. Is our team ready? All that and more, here...on Football Today.

*theme music*

FS: Filler Sartinos, Gests Rilin, Football Today. Folks, the game at Sultan Ibrahim XIII Stadi is at the forefront of everyone's minds today. Vephrall go into this one finding themselves a little bit behind the 8-ball, sitting in third place on thirteen points. The Kosenic Turks are second with fifteen. A Turk win would officially decide the qualification race, with them advancing along with Squornshelous. Our boys absolutely must not let that happen.

GR: We here at BCN have been receiving numerous reports of Vephrese fans traveling to the game and staging demonstrations against the natives. It was, of course, in the first leg against Kose and the Turkomans at Uddaphyphose where Ocilla Cilleng was killed in a fight in the stands instigated by the Turks that also left eight others injured. Protesters are demanding that those responsible be brought to justice, despite the fact that none of the Turks involved could be positively identified apart from the three treated at East Penuls Medical Center.

FS: It has been confirmed that the team will once again be wearing black armbands in memory of the slain fan, and you'd have to think that this would give Vephrall a little bit of extra motivation to win, as if the potential of being eliminated from qualifying contention wasn't enough.

GR: A Vephrall loss today would mean that Kose officially clinches second, making our final match against Newmanistan worthless for all but pride. A draw keeps us in the hunt, but still isn't ideal, as we would still have to defeat Newmanistan on the road and hope that the Turks don't beat Squornshelous in their finale - we would hold the tiebreaker and would go through in the event of a tie on points. With a win today, we would move into second and would be through barring wins by both Kose and Newmanistan on Matchday 10.

FS: When we come back after these messages, we'll talk to manager Parker Law about his strategy for today's game, and we'll also take a look at the other big qualifying matches in the other fourteen groups. Stay tuned.

This is the RP cutoff for Matchday Nine.

And you can find scores, as well as tables and a qualified/eliminated marker for your team, here (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13786804&postcount=14).

QBC WORLD CUP XLI COVERAGE

"Hello all, I'm Beck Davidham, We here at QBC are here to cover the Qazox-Zwangzug match, in Zwangzug the 9th qualifer and this match could determine the group title, if Zwangzug wins. The first meeting between these two was a 2-2 draw in Qazox, and this match should be just as close.

The referees are ready, the anthems have been played, and we're ready to go!"

<Match Fast Forward>

"Still nil-nil here in the 70th minute, but Zwangzug has a corner kick here and Deguela sends it in, headed by Vanderpent and right past Goolden and it's 1-nil home side and it looks like Zwangzug is going to win this group."

<Match Fast Forward>

"Still 1-nil Zwangzug but now Qazox has the advantage as they've spent most of the last 5 minutes in the offensive zone and the defense is being run ragged here, as de Olivares and Marquis, who both came in the 77th minute to add attacking power here. Marquis over to de Olivares over to Jaus shoots blocked, it goes right to Valladores and GOOOOOAL! We're tied up at 1-all here in the 83rd minute and Qazox still has a chance to win the group!"

<Match End>
"After the embarassment of the Orion Star Empire match, a match like this is good. still nothing settled between these two sides. So now, ironically enough, Qazox needs Orion Star Empire either to draw or beat Zwangzug, while we need to beat Acapais or draw, if Zwangzug loses, to win the group."

We have other scores from Group 7, and here they are:
Acapais 1-2 Fmjphoenix (FINAL)
Orion Star Empire 2-2 Aleos (FINAL)

And scores from around the Q continuum:
Az-cz 6-2 Green Wombat (FINAL)
Bazalonia 1-4 Prux (FINAL)
Taeshan 1-1 Sorthern Northland (FINAL) Taeshan qualifies for World Cup for the first time, (ooc: WTG about time, Tae.)

And the match summary for all:
Zwanzug (Goal): Peter Vanderpent- 71'
Sub: (Qazox) Raul de Olivares in for Anderson Tarricone- 77'
Sub: (Qazox) Charles Marquis in for Maria Cruz-Preli- 77'
Qazox (Goal): Renna Valladores- 83'

Qazox Scoring:
Kallie Jaus- 5 (1 PK)
Anderson Tarricone- 4
Renna Valladores- 4
Raul de Olivares- 2
Stevie Spingler
Charles Marquis (1 PK)
Letta Smicht
Willow Farmwald

Bookings:
Spingler- 1 RED (missed the 2nd Zwangzug match)
Shillingford- 1 Yellow
Stasinos- 1 Yellow
Reyes- 1 Yellow
Heberly- 1 Yellow
de Olivares- 1 Yellow
Valladores- 1 Yellow

http://i26.tinypic.com/30m5mgy.jpg

You can not expect a detailed report today

After the elimination of the KaMaRian national team, politicians want to enlarge the k~jurumaleha pact quickly, in the meanwhile, The Daily Quibbler searched for the most fitting expletive for this situation. An improvised survey led to the following results:

5. slani!
4. merslan!
3. jilih~s!
2. merslani selme taniha akiim!
1. Stop bothing me, you jilih~s!*

*we took the liberty to translate that!

Setting: Royal Palace in Pocono City

(Empress Jessica has summoned Brian Carson to her royal quarters)

Empress: Brian, what's going on?

Carson: Tough group draw, your Highness. We're playing hard.

Empress: We didn't have high expectations for this tournament. But I expected us to be better then..... this. We have one point to show for back to back games against Hockey Canada and United Hetzel. One lousy point. That's not the fault of a tough group draw.

Carson: I'll have a talk with the team, and we'll salvage something at Southport Stadium against Vephrall. We'll get three points.

Empress: We better get three points.

Carson: I'll do my best your Highness.

Empress: Maybe you didn't quite understand the way I meant that to be interpreted. We better get three points, or I might have to do something I don't really want to do, Brian. This kind of underachievement is unacceptable.

Carson: Please, your Highness, don't overreact. We've started a good thing here.

Empress: You do a great job with the younger players. Your Di Bradini Cup winning percentage is outstanding, but for the senior team, I just don't know. Eric Andrews of Loudon got this team to overachieve in the Oxen Cup after our Cup of Harmony 32 run was a disappointment.

Carson: You're going to replace me with Eric?

Empress: That's not what I'm saying. If you can salvage three points against Vephrall and then get us to have a great Cup of Harmony 33, then you will stay in your capacity as our manager of the senior team. I fully intend to keep you as the manager of the junior teams.

Carson: And what if we don't get three points against Vephrall?

Empress: We'll still give you a chance in the Cup of Harmony. But we need knockout stages, and preferably, a semifinal, at least.

Carson: I see.

Empress: We're not going to stay with newbie level expectations in the World Cup forever Brian, we've been patient, but we can't be taking a step back like we have. This is a couple steps back, actually.

Carson: I guess I understand, though it may benefit us if.....

Empress: If what?

Carson: Vephrall advances to the World Cup over Kose and The Turkomans. It's not really in our biggest interest to be Vephrall's spoiler here.

Empress: It wasn't in our biggest interest to get a combined one point in the back to back games with Hockey Canada and United Hetzel, either. Was it?

Carson: Well, obviously no, but.....

Empress: But nothing. Three points against Vephrall. I couldn't care less about ranking effects if Kose and The Turkomans makes the world cup, we got to salvage something.

Carson: I understand, I wasn't meaning to imply that....

Empress: I know you weren't. You figure out a way to get three points in Southport. Got it?

Carson: Yes, your Highness.

Empress: Good, have a nice day.

Carson (thinking): Wow.... I liked her better when she was nice.

http://img187.imageshack.us/img187/8029/dailyturkpy7.png
Vephrall triumph, Gangsters threaten Gambling District.
In a expectantly even affair Vephrall triumphed and have dashed the Turks hopes of making the World Cup, but the squad has promised to get the result against Squornshelous.

The start of game went entirely in Vephralls favor, every decision went their way and the only good thing for the Turks was the 30 yard shot from Serkan Turkmen which caused more than enough trouble to the goalie.

The Turks were lucky due to a goal being disallowed in the 38th minute, due to offside but replays have shown it to be a questionable decision.

The start of the second half left the Turks in control getting 8 shots on target in 5 minutes on of them resulted in an amazing Serkan Turkmen goal, but in the 71st minute Vephrall got a very light penalty and scored it placing it just under Cakir who did his best.

Then came the reason that many Turks have now signed a petition to ban ethnic Greek refs, a 90th minute penalty despite the ball being a good yard outside the box, the stadium was silenced as the Vephrese striker stuck it home.

In the aftermath the Gambling District of Kose Sehir has been under siege form gangsters who bet on K&TT winning many of them demanding their money back, this is because of the short odds on K&TT to win.

Kose determined to bounce back!
Sinan Kose has insisted that qualification is still possible and that the team will do all they can to win the game, however they will be playing Squornshelous a team with a formidable record at international level, Kose has said that they're relaxed attitude may well be exploited and the team will look to sharpen up.

"And we are live with Group 7 action."

"Weren't we in group 7 last cup?"

"Yeah, yeah, that's right."

"And a couple before...that's four out of our nine qualification stages, we've been in group seven."

"You know, that would be profoundly interesting if it had any relevance whatsoever, which it doesn't, so do you have any potentially meaningful commentary about the match?"

"Oh, sure. The Qazox midfielder Stevie Spingler is suspended due to hitting Jacek Krzynowek in the Pheonix' last game, versus the Orion Star Empire."

"And replacing him in the starting lineup?"

"Letta Smicht, returning to the role she played last cup."

"Now Zwangzug has some substitutions as well, run us through those?"

"Yes. Having already clinched their spot in the cup proper, the team isn't worrying too much about the group title. So we've got Sonal Kaur in for Brendan Covy-several pundits are expecting that substitution to be made permanent for the proper."

"I thought we were the pundits?"

"Just a couple of them. And Muus Jurin in for Gary Maini."

"Cool enough. Well, Deguela wins the kickoff, and we're underway..."

"...the group title clearly means something to the Pheonix, who are still trying to get on the board."

"So Anderson Tarricone and Maria Cruz-Preli are out, Raul de Olivares and Charles Marquis are in."

"Qazox adopting a...4-1-1-4? Cool!"

"Well technically it's a 1-4-1-1-4-"

"Bah, that throws off the symmetry."

"Pfft, the symmetry is overrated anyway..."

"...no closer to determining the group winner."

"Zwangzug on top by goal difference if these two teams get the same result in their next matches."

"And with Zwangzug's next match coming against the Orion Star Empire, can they have an undefeated qualification?"

"Not necessarily-remember, this team traditionally struggles after they've clinched. Mcgimpy will be looking to give the backups some playing time, as we saw with Kaur and Jurin today."

"Drawing with Qazox isn't a struggle, is it though?"

"Well-no-"

"I probably just jinxed it, anyway."

"Oh, don't be ridiculous, that's just superstition..."

[OOC - a rare case of my posting with the wrong nation; I'd be grateful if the hosts considered this to be an Archregimancy RP]


SAYINGS OF THE DESERT FATHERS

On Qualification

John the Dwarf said, 'a house is not built by beginning at the top and working down. You must begin with the foundations in order to reach the top.' They said to him, 'What does this saying mean?' He said, 'The house is qualification, which we have won, and that is the place to begin. For the commandments of Christ have lead us to this goal.'

Poemen said that John Cassian said that the squad were like a group of trees, each bearing different fruit, but watered from the same source. The playing style of one squad member differs from that of another, but it is the same Spirit that works in all of them.

Rufinius said, 'Even if we are entirely despised in the eyes of our group opponents, let us rejoice in a qualification that honours in God.'

(massive roar goes up from the home fans as the Kerecan squad narrowly miss scoring)

"Eeeesh. Close. I thought you said they were going to field a squad of homeless people, Juan"

"And I thought you said you wanted to win qualification fairly. Oooooooh..... that was never a foul. Sorry. I thought you said you wanted to win qualification fairly. I thought you said you'd resign if we defeated Kereca by eating them."

"I did - REF! SOME PROTECTION!!!!! - I know I did. But I thought we were playing a bunch of homeless no-hopers. These Kerecans can play. We may have taken a 2 goal lead, but at 2-1 with - NEVER A CORNER!!!! - 2-1 with only five minutes left..."

"I could always let the blancmanges off the leash... Nice save! They could eat the Kerecans in 90 seconds, and we'd still win. We'd be through. We'd qualify..."

"No Juan. That's not how I want us to win. It's not how I want to be remembered. I have a legacy to protect. If we're going to go through, let's go through fairly."

"Or I could tell blancmange number 6 to simply absorb the ball into his viscous body for the last few minutes. WADDYA MEAN THAT'S FREE KICK. Damned referee, what does he have against us anyway?"

"Edge of the area free kick with 90 seconds left... No, no absorbing of the ball, either. Do you think they'll stop this?"

"I don't know old friend.... Kereca's first goal was a free kick too. They seem to have realised our goalkeeper's not very good in the air, and.... bugger."

"<sigh> We deserved that, Juan."

"I know. I know. If we can't hold a two goal lead fairly, maybe we don't deserve to qualify.... But to be so close, with so little time..."

"Final whistle... Well, we'll just have to match Kereca's result, won't we - and hope we don't lose to the Pazhujebis by more than four goals if that's a loss. We can manage that, can't we?"

"I hope so, Simeone... I hope so."

http://www.prism.gatech.edu/~gth681k/ns/vephrall/bcn-wc41-mdq9.jpg
Josi Einy, reporting from BCN's mobile studio in Kose and the Turkomans.
(Recall that Vephrall is slightly backward technologically, hence the mid-90s style graphics.)

"...tries the three to beat the buzzer, but he winds up a good meter short, and Speilers takes the win over Meice 97-94.

"And now, back to our top story. Vephrall makes the trip to Kose and the Turkomans for World Cup qualifying. Turks trying to avenge a loss in Penuls on matchday four; Vephrall hoping to keep their qualification hopes alive.

"Fourteenth minute, Latissle with an impressive tackle, takes it up the right side, beautiful cross in to Cese Scathock...who promptly skies it. Not too happy about that, as you can see from his facial expression. On to the thirty-eighth, Latissle again with a great cross to Scathock and this time he doesn't miss, one-nil. No wait, the linesman's flag is up. Offside, he says, but watch this again in slo-mo...Scathock is still about half a step onside when the cross is made. Again he's not too happy, but he manages to avoid receiving a yellow card from Giánnīs Paraskeyás.

"Still nil-all going into the second half, but it's the Turks looking more likely to get something done, and here we are in the forty-eighth. Serkan Turkmen, thirty yards out, caught Rilin off guard and the home team's up one-nil. Fans go berserk, because they're through if they can hold on that lead. But the game's far from over. Minute seventy-one, Üzulmez Yilmaz and Prorim Phootid get tangled up in the box and the ref awards a penalty. Yilmaz says Phootid dived, and it really doesn't look like he hit him all that hard. But it's a penalty anyway, and that'll tie the game at one.

"Into the closing seconds of the game now, still one-one. This time it's Sukur Saray taking down a Vephrese striker at the edge of the box, and it's another penalty. The fans really furious about that one, and they're certainly not any happier when Misina Pembace converts it. Two-one, Vephrall win and move into second in the group.

"One match left for the white and gold against now-eliminated Newmanistan, while Kose and the Turkomans have to deal with Squornshelous. If Vephrall or Squornshelous win, you can start booking your flights to the Hans.

"Next up on BCN Now: Mantlom Whaariny takes the mound again for Moje, but is he able to handle Cenany's league-leading offense? Also a look at the massive changes taking place at Sumbobor State's athletic department. Stay tuned."

One desperately attempt to save the Monarchy... the Emperor (I mean, now just Prince) Hector Van Tocco announced to the people of Cafundéu his resignation from the crown. His daughter, as the heir of the throne, took his place in a small ceremony, much different than the one that crowned Hector, which was full of Monarchy followers. This time, the situation of the country was different. And the question appeared: would Alice be Empress of Cafundéu for just a week, or could she change what seems a reality now?

Hector Van Tocco, now just a member of the royal family, seemed worried with this. Maybe his resignation had another reason? Leaving what was his former office, he started to talk with his daughter, now the leader of Cafundéu:

"Alice, take care of this room for me. I'll miss it, but I did the right thing."

"Don't worry, father. You'll see that I'll take care of the entire country for you with the same efficiency that you did."

"Thanks, Alice. I'm sure that you'll do a good work. I hope that McKeen loses the elections next week, although I'm not so confident. The news that I asked Benhauer to kill Badder affected negatively the entire royal family, you included."

"I know, father. But I'll fight to win these elections."

"Well, let's keep our faith..."

"Can I ask you something, dad?"

"Of course, you can ask everything you want to."

"You didn't resign just to try to save the Monarchy, did you?"

"Of course not... unfortunately, I have to admit that even with you the Monarchy faces a great danger..."

"So, why?"

"More than twenty years... I'm not like your grandfather or your grandgrandfather... although the last didn't rule for much time... I was tired. Working hard for the country for years and, suddenly, everyone starts accusing me and criticizing me, like I never did anything for them. That was enough for me. I wanted to leave, and I did."

"Now I understand."

"Alice, be a good Empress. I know that you can do it, my dear."

Suddenly, Olivier Derrod enters in the room.

O - "Prince, my Empress. I need to talk to you. We have in our hands now the proof that can defeat McKeen."

H - "What?"

O - "Remember our plan, your Highness? We would try to bribe Benhauer to make him lead us to McKeen and then we could reveal all their plan, making the people know that in fact it was him who was involved in Badder's death!"

A - "Dad? Did you try to bribe the killer?"

H - "My dear, it was necessary. Our plan wasn't to bribe him, it was just to make him try to get more money from McKeen... so Derrod, has it worked?"

O - "Yes, it had. Benhauer is now dead and his killer was captured by the AEICC seconds after, as you ordered them to follow Álvaro."

H - "Alice... we have a chance to save the Monarchy!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Everything happened like Doutor Careca had predicted. After an assistant of the Emperor sent an proposal for Benhauer for him to say that it was McKeen who ordered the murder, the professional killer contacted McKeen. And directly. The conversation was being recorded and tracked by the AEICC. First, Benhauer asked for more money. Then, McKeen rejected to give what he asked. Benhauer threatened McKeen, and the Head Counselor answered with another threat.

One day after, Benhauer was contacted by a representative of Ray McKeen, who said that the Head Counselor was willing to accept to pay money for Benhauer. But, when Álvaro reached the place where the payment was going to happen, was shot in the head. The professional killer Álvaro Benhauer was dead. The gunman walked slowly to leave the crime scene, and was surprised by the agents of the AEICC that caught him immediately after.

The second killer hired by Ray McKeen was Félix Costa, a brutal and violent man. After being caught, Félix confessed the crime without regrets or hesitations. Three hours after, the killer confessed everything: the relation between McKeen and Benhauer, between McKeen and him and between the Head Counselor and the death of Badder. Not that these facts still needed proof, as the recording of the phone chat between Ray and Álvaro were enough.

Minutes after, all TV programs of the country were showing these news.

The turning point in the Monarchy x Republic elections.

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General Lars Winnear took the mission of discovering more about the terrorists that invaded Cafundéu with enthusiasm and pride. It was a very important mission, so he chose the best soldiers for that, and three leaders that were among the best-ranked officers in the army: General Alípio Brandão, General Octávio Machado Flex and Colonel Gabriel Arcoverde. With them, the Captain Beatriz Steffens, considered one of the most promising officers. The four, under the tactical command of the Counselor-Minister of Defence, the General Lars Winnear, started to search for these terrorists.

The favela house destroyed in the Pasárgada neighbourhood had all the clues that could lead to everything related to the terrorists: who they are, what they want and where are they from. But the house exploded, and few things remained. The solution was to try to take the maximum of information out of those clues. It eventually lead to an abandoned vehicles deposit in the minor city of Compos, still in the Juta State. More than 30 men from the army went to the deposit. The operation had to be successful.

The army invaded the deposit. Inside it, two airplanes and many other vehicles, probably used by the terrorists. Suddenly, they appeared. Approximately ten people using masks and holding machine guns. Nothing that could have a chance against 36 (the exact number) of the best soldiers of Cafundéu. Three were killed, one surrendered and another exploded a bomb, which killed himself and another three terrorists. An airplane exploded. The two remaining terrorists tried to escape, but were captured too. No soldiers died.

The mission was successful. After taking the evidences from the deposit and talking a bit with the terrorists (that weren't able to communicate with the soldiers, due to language differences), the Cafundelenses could know exactly against whom they were fighting. The Colonel Gabriel Arcoverde said on the phone:

"Contact the Daehanjeiguk embassy, General Winnear. They're surely Mujeongbu. Now we know the essential about our opponents, we will get them."

KENNETH: A road game, well, at least officially. In practice, it's more like a neutral one - the Free Krytenia Rebels, after all, don't have a recognized home and, therefore, no recognized home field. Something with irks them, to be sure, but they still entered the day with an outside shot and making the World Cup. But to do that, they'd have to get past the Black Wings, already assured of qualification and resting its starters. Would that give the Rebs the opening they needed? Cameras were present at the undisclosed stadium to provide you with these highlights!

SCOTTY: The Rebels start strong through Christian Stockstelius, who gets a step on Berber and manages to get off a shot here in the seventh minute, but it's easily snagged by Andrew Skibo. That was as close as they'd get for awhile, as the Wings controlled the ball for almost 65% of the half. Dylandy squares it to Blackridge. Paul Blackridge, who earned his spot with solid play in the D-League, the only man on the roster who hasn't represented Dancougar in a previous tournament. Blackridge to Hayami, who pushes up... but the Rebels clear. And that was the theme of the first half. The Wings had a lot of possession but weren't able to do anything. All credit to Konov and Gough, the big Rebel center backs, who were well aware of the team's position.

KENNETH: But in minute thirty four, the Wings finally strike. And the two forwards, Manchester and Littlefield, hook up as they did so often in the Oxen Cup. Both are set to play professionally in Daehanjeiguk, and they'd love to make an impact in the World Cup to get their future club supporters excited. Tuscany hits a through ball for Littlefield, who gets behind the defense. He's onside. And he makes the pass instead of taking the shot... far most for Manchester to tap it home! It's 1-0 to the Wings. Very nearly a second goal just minutes later, as Tuscany's free kick is deflected goalward and sails wide. Now, just before the half, it's injury time. Dylandy wins the ball from Sosa and brings it upfield... he has men with him. Leaves it for Tuscany, who rifles in another shot, but this one's a goal! A beautiful shot by Tuscany flies into the top corner, and Bernoldi can only throw himself at it and watch it go in. It's 2-0 as the whistle blows, and you can tell from the Rebel faces that the shot was a real dagger... hard work ahead in the second half.

SCOTTY: A few good chances for the Rebels in the second half, which gave Skibo something to do, as he only faced two shots in the first half. Hugo Bautista! He tries to redirect the through ball on target, but he doesn't get all of it, and it'll go out for a goal kick. Then it's Kerensky with the long range effort, but Skibo has it covered. Five shots in the first twenty minutes of the second half, much better from the Rebels, and it got their fans back into the game. Waving the old Krytenian flags, and singing the old Krytenian songs... they weren't going to go out quietly. But in minute seventy three, the Wings will still put it away. The corner kick from Dylandy is headed out of the box, but it only makes it to Kevin Underwood, who fires in a volley... and that turns into a pretty goal for Underwood! The ball takes a sharp dip to just get in under the bar, and it's 3-0.

KENNETH: One last chance for the Rebels to at least avoid the shutout, as Veran's through ball to Kerensky finds him in full sprint. Onside. Skibo comes flying out and Kerensky chips it over... and it's cleared off the line by a sliding Casey Berber. Kerensky cannot believe his bad luck. The Wings almost pay them back, but Manchester's strike is punched wide by Bernoldi. The Wings make it five for five on the road and remain unbeaten. 3-0 is the final score.

SCOTTY: One game remains, and group three's second qualifier has yet to be decided. The Blouman Empire sits a point behind Az-cz for the final spot. They must travel to the National Stadium to play the Wings, while Az-cz will visit the undisclosed stadium for a battle with these same Rebels, who are now officially eliminated from contention. We'll chat with Steve Teebone, now. Steve, the reserves looked good against the Rebels. Keeping Littlefield and Manchester together turned out to be the right move, although it was the midfield that stole the show.

STEVE: They had absolute command of the ball, and although we can't expect that from a Blouman team that's playing for its life, I thought they handled themselves very well. Dylandy looked good, although for me, the star of the game was Mike Tuscany. He's a few years older than Lyle and looked very composed on the field. He generated some quality chances, too.

SCOTTY: The Blouman Empire desperately need a win at Dancougar to stay alive, but they do not control their own destiny, since they need the Rebels to hold Az-cz. Even so, with so much at stake, should the Wings really be playing the second team?

STEVE: That's something that a lot of people have been asking. They're saying that it's insulting that Charles DuPont has taken the approach that he's resting the first team regardless of what it means for the rest of the group, and there are others who are saying that it'll come back to bite them when tournament time comes. Resting the starters does interrupt their rhythm, although friendlies with Casari and Arroza have been arranged to get them prepared for the final tournament. I think I agree with the move. It's a chance for DuPont to get a good look at the other talent he has available, and quality playing time now makes it easier come the World Cup, so they'll be ready when called.

SCOTTY: One more day and the World Cup field will be finalized. We'll have full coverage of matchday ten on the DSPN family of networks. And for the latest news and scores, we're always online...

"Hey you know what would be fun?"

"What?"

"A contextless talk about the interesting groups to watch"

"Don't we usually have a newspaper do this?"

"Yes but we all figured out after our finals losses in World Cups 34 and 39, which both times included newspaper reports the day before the losses. Before those losses we never, EVER, included newspaper reports. Therefore they are bad luck and must be avoided"

"Ummm... ok, anyway so how are we doing in qualifying"

"We have clinched our group and have only given up 3 goals. Apparently bananas are quite athletic"

"I say it was the 2 actual defenders in front of the banana"

"Fine you CAN say that but you'd be wrong. The banana is a quality keeper."

"It lays there lifeless the opposition has had a total of 6 shots on net"

"Exactly our banana has made 3 saves"

"Yes but only because it's huge"

"Whatever man can we get to the point of this?"

"What was that again?"

"I don't remember!"

"So then how do we get to it if we don't remember it?"

"Good question"

"So then does this end it?"

"No! We will figure it out come hell or high water!"

"How about we just pray to Margaret"

"That was so 3 World Cups ago! We're too good for that now plus we're good Jews. Margaret is a heathen"

"Ummm...&*%$! you're right"

"So then ummm... yeh see ya later"

"Fine see ya"

Green Wombat Daily Tattler

The Mike Sink, Claudia Bard and William Diehl era is over and it couldn't come at a worse time as they effectively retired just before the Az-cz match. And the Wombats, stunned by this turn of events, suffered one of the worst beatdowns in team history last night, 6-2, eliminating them from the World Cup.

Only as trip to Ofedestan is left and who really cares at this point, anyway as now we have to wait 4 more years, and who knows who'll even be on the team then.

Scoring:
Az-cz: 11'
Az-cz: 17'
GW: Leslie Mcilwain 23'
Az-cz: 39'
Az-cz: 47'
Az-cz: 68'
GW: Leslie Mcilwain 72'
Az-cz: 90+1'


Schedule/ Results
MD1: vs. Blouman Empire LOSE 0-2
MD2: @ Dancougar Draw 1-1
MD3: @ Free Krytenia Rebels LOSE 2-4
MD4: vs. Az-cz Draw 2-2
MD5: vs. Ofedestan WIN 2-0
Mid-Qualifying Break
MD6: @ Blouman Empire Draw 2-2
MD7: vs. Dancougar LOSE 0-2
MD8: vs. Free Krytenia Rebels Win 3-1
MD9: @ Az-cz LOSE 2-6
MD10: @ Ofedestan
RECORD: 2-3-4

Predicted record: 5-2-3.

PRUXTON GLOBE

Dateline: Bazalonia
Reason: Matchday Nine

Result: 4-1 away win over Bazalonia

Scoring:
Prux- Speedy MacDuck: 4'
Bazalonia- Stephan Smith: 20'
Prux- Speedy MacDuck: 33'
Prux- Speedy MacDuck: 52'
Prux- Dumbo Duck: 72'


Summary:
The ROBODUCKS suprisingly destroyed Bazalonia's reserve team. And Speedy MacDuck gets the 2nd ever hat-trick for Prux.

Match rating (1-5): 5
Rating reasoning: Prux had its biggest road victory ever, even if it was against scrubs. But despite the win, teh team was eliminated when Rennidan slapped down Tokyoni 5-1.

Next match: vs Wentland
Previous result: 0-2 loss on the road

Projected result: 1-1 Draw
Betting line: Prux +1.5; over/under: 4.0

"Bloody hell man, why do you have me out here so freaking late Ikles?" the red-faced elder Soldarian son moaned.

"Be patient Scott. I would never do anything or force you to do anything without having a good cause."

In fact, Mr. Razov was out here for multiple purposes. The first of which were to help his friend and teammate with his faltering form. Though the national team had performed up to their standards and had already clinched qualification and the group, the midifielder was not having a significant impact as he had in the tournaments prior. It seemed that the poor performances of his club were following him onto the international scene. In addition, the striker knew that he needed the excerise and practise for the upcoming stages. This was going to be his first Proper in which he was a starter, and he knew from riding the bench in editions before this.

"But it's four bloody nineteen in the morning. I should still be sleeping and so should you!!! So why the heck are we out here at the training grounds? It's not as if either of us will be seeing action on Saturday. Hell, we were lucky to get those thirty minutes against the Big Blues."

"That's just it Scott, we'll be very rusty and out of form if we don't do something to augment our regular training. I've been watching you for Turkish, and you are doing fine, but once you get out here for us, it's clear that your club troubles are weighing you down. You have the skills to be a superstar just like Hawky and Kiso, but you're far too inconsistant Scott. You need to learn to approach every match as if it is a Cup final, as if your very life was riding in the balance. So here we are, three hours ahead of even the grounds crew to begin training. If you have a problem with it, then you are not the elf I thought you were."

"Yeah, but Ikles, it's not as if I'm not trying. It's just soo damn frustrating to have had soo much success in one venue and then be faltering soo badly in another. The success during the latest TQCC and then our march through the last tournament to take the title seem soo distant when in these last few weeks my club is struggling. I'm a professional, I'm supposed to be above it, yet it's quite clear that I am bringing those troubles with me."

"And that is why we are here. If nothing else, the mental stregnth you will be getting over the next few weeks of this extra training will be enough to get you back to how you were performing during the TQCC. Now, think fast!"

Jeruselem Government News

Princesses to rest starts and play the kids.

For the last game of the World Cup 41 qualification, Jeruselem will field a "seconds" team seeing they have qualified and there was no need to field a full strength team. The bench reserves will get a full game away against Lithima. It's now family time for Jeruselem's rested players and Assistant Coach Sister Marsha will in charge in Lithima. Jeruselem's favourite football Nun is no stranger to running a football team. Young Kate Sallad will lead the new seconds team.

Meanwhile Jeru FC has once again, just failed to qualify. With West Starblaydia and Casari qualifying our army head once again to the Cup of Harmony. Jeru FC have done win the CoH for the last two cups with 1 win and 3rd place.

Jeru FC Captain Sadie Dallas said
"We tried really hard and we did quite well except always losing to Casari which was what cost us. The team thought we had a good chance but it wasn't to be. Anyway, we have pick ourselves up and do it again as Jeru FC."

(In Southport, preparing for Vephrall)

Brooker: So, when are you gonna propose? Obviously losing to United Hetzel killed the mood to do it there.

McAllister: I dont know. Maybe all this is happening for a reason and I shouldn't propose to her. The spirits of Tundra Falls.

(Vilardi suddenly perks up her attentive listening)

McAllister: We know about the spirits here, we know they are real. How could they allow us to choke to United (expletive) Hetzel on this sacred ground? Because they had something bigger to take care of. Maybe they didn't want me to do it.

Vilardi: Yeah, maybe so, Jeremy. That's probably why. And the spirits don't like when they're not listened too.

Drummond: Jenn, shut up and be glad we're not reporting you to the police.

Brooker: Well it is true that you don't tick off the Spirits of Tundra Falls. Look what happened to Pablicosta.

Drummond: Pablicosta?

Brooker: Yeah, Pablicosta has ceased to exist. But while they were existing and running an F1 series, there was a guy from Rennidan, a racer, who disgraced this city. The Pablicosta Racing Association never punished the guy from Rennidan. Ever. Just a couple months later, Pablicosta, no longer exists. The Spirits got their payback.

Drummond: Wow, interesting. But why haven't they punished Rennidan?

Brooker: Rennidan's never come back to the Empire in anything. Give them time.

Vilardi: See Jeremy, listen to the spirits.

Drummond: Jenn, again, shut up.

McAllister: No. Maybe Jenn is right. I need to think this over a little more.

Vilardi: Yeah. I'm here for you.

McAllister: I figured that. (grins)

Drummond: I don't understand. No offense, Jeremy, but why make all of us lose and our fans have to suffer a loss like this, just so they could send a message to J-Mac. Couldn't they have been a little more direct with their message to him and not the rest of us. Again, no offense, Jeremy.

McAllister: None taken but maybe I should. (grins)

Brooker: The spirits of Tundra Falls don't always play nice.

Vilardi: I know!

Drummond: Jenn, why are you even here. Go away.

McAllister: No, let her stay.

Vilardi: Ha!

Brooker: What were you gonna say, Jenn?

Vilardi: The spirits wanted to send us all a message, well, you guys anyway, to help Jeremy reconsider this. And its no coincidence who scored our two goals today. Him and me.

Brooker: Well, I guess I have to at least admit, that is somewhat freaky.

Drummond: Jenn's just trying to twist the story around to benefit her cause. Jeremy, you know Ashley's the one for you. Stop listening to all this and go on with your plan. We didn't lose to United Hetzel because of the Spirits of Tundra Falls, we lost to United Hetzel because United Hetzel played very well. It pains me to say that, but that's the truth of the matter. (It suddenly begins to rain outside)

Brooker: And that's freaky too. The rain.

Drummond: Would you stop, we knew it was gonna rain today. And besides their the spirits of Tundra Falls, not the spirits of Southport. (thunder sounds)

Brooker: Shawn, you may be right, but I suggest to be on the safe side you shut up before you get struck by lightning.

Drummond: Yeah good idea. (laughs) (players go inside, and go their separate ways, with Jenn following J-Mac).

Vilardi: Hey Jeremy?

McAllister: What?

Vilardi: Thanks for not calling the police.

McAllister: Your welcome. As long as your promise it wasnt you that set up the Turkish guy.

Vilardi: It wasn't, I promise.

McAllister: Good.

It all comes down to this. On the verge of qualification, and simultaneously, on the verge of failure to qualify. Of course, there is a certain binary quality to it, but on the verge is on the verge, as they say.

Who are "they" exactly, and what would have motivated them to say that? Who the hell knows.

---INTERMISSION FOR HAIKU---

Will they or won't they?
It is all still uncertain
We will all know soon

-------------------------------

"Never mind, team." Mark Tupper muttered, "We'll beat them. Oh yes we will. We're going to pull it out somehow. Win or lose, it's simple as that. No draws. No, to draw is to lose. To win is to be immortalised as the first team to make it. Think of the glory, think of the girls..."

That was probably a bit over-the-top, but Tupper was sure he'd find the right motivational fire to light by the time the critical game came.

He was damn sure.

“Can’t they just… clone themselves then, or something?”

“I… Possibly. I’m not sure it works like that. Billions died, Mr. Melbourne. That’s an unprecedented figure.”

“Not wanting to pick holes or anything, Mr. Martino, but isn’t it your job to know these things?”

“The inner workings of the Elven Senate and the machinations of the Great Leader are a mystery even to their people, Mr. Melbourne. I think. Look, just because I’m an elf… I’m not one of these elves. I don’t know what they get up to behind closed doors. Funnily enough, they don’t particularly go in for lax security…”

“Alright, no need to get shirty, I d…”

The Minister’s voice drifted off in the wind again, and Lindsey attempted to creep that little bit closer. From her perch at the corner of the street, the Candelariasian pair were in her eye line now, albeit with their backs to her.

This was… this was incredible! This was gold… No, never mind gold. What was better than gold? Whatever was, this was that. She’d only been sent here for the Morning Chronicle of Abiodun to do a little colour piece on Cas Richardson, the Gamboa forward. The notion that, come the end of the day, she’d be carrying five minutes of taped conversation that would bring the Candelariasian state to its knees hadn’t really occurred to her that morning.

She absent-mindedly brushed a creeper out of the way. So much of the city – of any and every city here – was deserted, and this part of it at least was slowly returning back to the indigenous jungle of the island. Billions dead… but Melbourne had seen it as a blessing, he’d told his assistant – or whoever he was, the one who self-identified as an ‘elf’ – just that only moments ago. It meant that they could store the travelling supporters far away from the locals, and keep interaction between the ignorant humans and elvenfolk to a minimum.

Elves… Elves and clones and daemons – with the A before the E, that was what impressed her the most – and government plots… Lindsey Hayes, Lifestyle Editor for the Morning Chronicle, was sitting on the biggest story in the history of the human habitation of the Candelarias. Oh, Horse, Hound and Crown would pay for turning her down now! This wa–

She turned her neck barely half an inch to the right, her head following reluctantly momentarily later.

“Um. Hello.”

“Good afternoon, Ms. Hayes.”

“Um. You. Um. You can do that, then? Traverse a distance of thirty metres in a split second without breaking a sweat?”

“Apparently so.”

“Sod it.”

The elf stuck out an arm and punched her, firmly but fairly, in the jaw. The reporter crumpled.

“So much for that plotline then,” Martino muttered, bundling the woman over his shoulder and wandering back towards the Minister.

***

The Albrecht Herald Online>Sport>Latest News
Jones goes; Healy to dig his heals in

CAMAFA President Owen Jones has announced his resignation this morning, hours after C&M fell to defeat in the Eesseff and, coupled with results elsewhere, failed to qualify for the World Cup for a second time in a row.

Jones’ departure comes as something of a surprise, barely three days after he claimed that he was intent on going nowhere, and had the backing of the CAMAFA council. It is widely suspected that political pressure from Minister for Sport Nolan Parker resulted in Jones’ decision, since although the government are publicly supporting the organisation’s hierarchy – with Parker himself arguing on TTO’s Evening News last night that C&M’s had long enjoyed the benefits of an overachieving national team and were now suffering the inevitably lull period – many analysts believe that the Ministry is privately dismayed at the Big Blues’ failure, at a time when the country is desperately in need of a morale boost.

C&M manager Kris Healy remains in his post for now, but his position may prove untenable. The visit to the Algal States, though a dead rubber, may represent his last chance to deliver a genuinely impressive performance, though much of the CAMAFA leadership besides Jones remain unconvinced that there will be time prior to the Cup of Harmony to put a new manager in place, nor that there are any clear Candelariasian candidates available, short of protracted contractual disputes with their club sides. Should CMSC President Sam Mc O’Neil transfer to the CAMAFA – and he remains the bookies’ favourite for the role, given his Modern Liberal connections – Healy will almost certainly be out on his ear, regardless of the results in the Algal States and Taeshan.

Healy’s squad of twenty-three remains behind him; senior players in particular frequently citing their own failures rather than the coach’s. Ignacio Vélez, who scored C&M’s lone goal again the Eesseff, seemed particularly eager to launch a thinly-veiled tirade against younger members of the squad – though this can hardly be seen as a vote of confidence for Healy, given that the former Albrecht Turkish boss brought most of those same players into the squad.

In C&M football as a whole, former C&M captain Ben Head was the most vociferous in his condemnation of Healy, describing his decisions against the Eesseff and Holy Monastic Empire as ‘indicative of the man’s tactical ineptitude’. Other pundits have been quick to defend Healy and describe Head as a ‘bitter pro in the dying years of his career’, but the Green Island man is far from alone. The usually taciturn Joel Grillo broke his long-time media silence to describe Healy as a ‘wonderful manager of men, but not of football’. Mamdooh Momtaz weighed into the argument this lunchtime, arguing that Healy had shown while at Turkish that he needed time to rebuild a squad’s confidence in their own abilities, but added that in the high-pressured world of international football he was unlikely to be given the time.

Polls indicate that C&M supports, armchair or otherwise, are utterly divided as to Healy’s future; both as to what he deserves and what he’ll get from his new CAMAFA boss.

Vonks Miss Out On WC41 Despite Heroic Win, Cheating

Vonks recorded their biggest-ever win in an international football game, thrashing the Fujisawan Territories 4-1 at the Vonkian Football Stadium, but the wild celebrations were cut short when news came in that Kura-Pelland had drawn 0-0 with Dennisov, thus gaining the single point they needed to seal qualification and put Vonks out.

Although a number of Kura-Pelland players had been kicked in the shins by an unknown assailant before the game, and were thus unable to string together a successful attack, Dennisov still proved incapable of penetrating the defence. Had they managed to get a goal, the two results, coupled with a surprisingly motivated-looking Bettia's crushing 3-1 defeat of Jariss, would have left Vonks still with an outside chance of qualification.

But it was not to be. Still, the bravery and flair of the Vonkian players in defeating the Fujisawans despite the absence of regular defenders Adam Bradshaw, Ian Rice, "Big Eddie" Herrman and Rajesh Khudanpur (the latter having been kicked in the shins by an unknown assailant the night before the game) was to be commended. They flung themselves into the attack, overwhelming the higher-ranked opposition with a minimum of ugly violence and threats of bloody murder of opposing players' friends and relatives.

Now the final match against Jariss is for nothing but pride and an extra KPB ranking point, and for the entire population of Vonks all that remains is to sink into depressed alcoholic oblivion and scream curses at the gods for destroying national hopes and dreams. A bill rushed through the Vonkian parliament made it legal to take violent retribution on anyone who suggests that the team in fact did much better than could be expected from a first-time competitor, until the psychological wounds have fully healed. This is expected to happen some time next week.

And for the last time during qualifying, this is the RP cutoff.

And here (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13789021&postcount=15) is your final set of qualifying results.

One last piece of Vonkian trivia. Here's the qualifying scores of all the teams from BoF 28:

Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
Vonks 10 5 1 4 17 17 0 16
Orion Star Empire 10 3 3 4 11 12 -1 12
Arroza 10 3 2 5 17 20 -3 11
kenavt 10 2 3 5 13 19 -6 9
Tokyoni 10 2 3 5 10 20 -10 9
United Hetzel 10 2 2 6 11 21 -10 8
Pablicosta 10 2 2 6 7 19 -12 8
SFRS 10 2 2 6 10 30 -20 8
Bearbears 10 1 4 5 12 23 -11 7
Zarbli 10 2 1 7 10 25 -15 7
Nehrland 10 2 1 7 6 23 -17 7
Naggetski 10 2 1 7 11 30 -19 7
Dariusville 10 2 0 8 8 19 -11 6
SouthSuburbia 10 1 3 6 9 21 -12 6
Frontenax 10 1 2 7 10 24 -14 5
Unified Beretania 10 0 4 6 5 20 -15 4
Ma Raque 10 0 2 8 7 20 -13 2
Ofedestan 10 0 2 8 8 25 -17 2


Go Vonks!

THE ROCKET REPORT

WHAT A DISASTER

Southport, Newmanistan- Good news! World Cup 41 qualifying is over! With the way the team had suffered over the second half of the qualification effort, what should have been an exciting finish to the group stage, was instead a slow and painful death. Even though the Rockets hopes officially died after the choke job to United Hetzel, there was still one more game to be played out. Against Vephrall, in Southport. If we're going by the amount of tickets sold, the game was a sellout. That's because many bought their tickets in advance. If we go by amount of people in the stands, it was probably about 70% to capacity. Is there a reason to recap the 2-0 loss to Vephrall? Not really. It was just as pathetic an effort as the United Hetzel game, and if not for poor finishing early and some mercy by the visitors late, this could have been real ugly. Let's just put a period on it and move on.

Where does Newmanistan go from here? Besides the Cup of Harmony, I'm thinking about more the big picture. The folks over at Vonks issued an interesting table that showed the qualifying standings of those who participated in Baptism of Fire 28. They were on top. Good for them. If such a table were made after World Cup 40 qualifying for Baptism of Fire 27 participants, Newmanistan would have been on top. We missed qualifying by the away goals rule. (Just had to mention that because it seems like such a long time ago after this debacle). What did that get Newmanistan four years later? One hell of a sophomore jinx, that's what.

In the spirit of that, lets look at how the Baptism of Fire 27 participants did that came back this year:

Kose and The Turkomans: 15pts, 3rd Group 13.
Septentrionia: 15 pts, 3rd Group 4.
Newmanistan: 10 pts, 4th Group 13.
Terreiro de Ogum: 10 pts, 4th Group 15.
Nethertopia: 8 pts, 5th Group 10.
Kosovoe: 5 pts, 5th Group 6.
Aleos: 4 pts, 6th Group 7.

By that, maybe Newmanistan didn't do that badly. Nah, who are we kidding, we stunk. But for all you fans of first time nations that read The Rocket Report (and I'm greatful that we have an international presence) who have heard that its hard to qualify in your first attempt, it doesn't get much easier in your second. Still, no Baptism of Fire 27 team has qualified for the World Cup. This time, Kose and The Turkomans gets the "close call" award.

Off to the Cup of Harmony we go. Let's hope that goes better.

http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c58/Krytenia/Niblets.png
From the deranged headmeat of Rameses Niblick III

I hate it here.

I hate that someone has taken the heart of the nation of my birth, the nation I love, has trampled on it, and then reinserted it up the nation's collective rectum. I hate that people are scared to say the "K" word in the streets for fear of being branded a terrorist. I hate that everything that claims to be run by Emberton is run, by remote contol, from Jhanna. Jhanna!

But do you know what I hate most of all?

I hate the fact that all this fear, this oppression, this hatred of ourselves, is caused by one of our own. The woman who was supposed to be the beacon of our nation's democracy. The woman who used to be Dominique Domasca, and used to be respected. This is a woman who despised the autocratic iron fist of Lady Viannor, eschewed Viannor's paranoia over non-existant or self-inflicted threats to national security, and then shows the ultimate FUCKING HYPOCRISY in doing exactly the same thing to the people who idolised her.

The sad thing is, the populace have been blinded by propoganda, spoon-fed a diet of fear and mistrust by a woman clinging onto the last vestiges of power. So if you want to call me a rebel, then fine, I'm a rebel. But I support freedom, democracy, and liberty, and I bleed sky blue.

My name's Rami Niblick, and I am a Krytenian.

KENNETH: The field is set! Thirty teams will join Ad'ihan and Daehanjeiguk at this summer's World Cup finals, and going into today, there were still quite a few teams on the bubble. One of them came to Yuki City looking to keep its World Cup dreams alive with an upset - the Blouman Empire. They lost the opening leg at home to the Wings 1-0 in a hard-fought affair, and now, revenge couldn't come at a better time. Elsewhere, Az-cz take on the Free Krytenia Rebels, and that's a game that Blouman need the Rebels to draw if they want a shot at the final tournament.

SCOTTY: We pick up action mid-way through the first half. Charles DuPont did leave the second team in, and that looked like a costly error, because the Blouman Empire looked very good in the first half and really took it to the Wings. You see the shot deflected wide here, and then Skibo is forced to come out and cut off the long through ball. Yelling at his defense, but they still don't help him out... corner kick, Yukikaze leaps, and misses the header! And Blouman is unlucky not the score as the shot comes off the side of the foot. Eight shots in the first half hour, six on target, and somehow none of them go in. The Wings only managed two, and their best chance came on this cracker from Lyle Dylandy, who ignores Manchester's run and slaps it on goal, but from thirty yards, it's an easy save. Score is still 0-0.

KENNETH: Fans getting nervous, and so are the Blouman Empire... the scoreline from the other game isn't looking favorable. But regardless of the result there, they still need to take care of business in Yuki City... and it starts with this, a goal in the thirty ninth minute ot make it 1-0. Take a look at it, the ball squirts through behind Princeton. The attacker will track it down, turn, and fire a cross into the box which is met solidly and sent behind the diving Andrew Skibo, who is beside himself. Hayami should've covered that! Wings go into the break down a goal, and Charles DuPont's look as he headed into the tunnel... you can imagine that he was putting together the mother of all team talks, or at least, one that would wake the team up.

SCOTTY: Second half, and DuPont immediately swaps Manchester for Furuya. And Shiro Furuya, the guy is still young and this, his second World Cup, still not a starter. But the career number three makes himself known. Minute fifty one, he works it inside the box, splits the defenders... but the shot goes begging! Took a deflection from the 'keeper. Then minute fifty eight, Furuya gives to Littlefield, who drops it back for Blackridge, who thumps one at goal, but it's punched out. Rebound, Dylandy, popped up, and headed clear. Wings turning up the heat at the start of the second half!

KENNETH: Time running out, minute seventy, and suddenly it's a whole new ballgame. Dylandy takes a throw in and fires a pass down the touchline. Furuya races to it and beats his defender, who falls down on the play, allowing Furuya to run inside towards the box. No one steps up to challenge him, and he makes them pay... Mike Tuscany! It's low pass from Furuya to a charging Mike Tuscany, who races past everyone to the ball and fires it home, so it's now 1-1. Double calamity for Blouman, because they're getting the scorelines from the other game... the Rebels are fighting back, 2-1! Now it's Blouman's turn to win the momentum. Long ball into the box, header, over the bar!

SCOTTY: With time running out, a huge gamble for Blouman, as a forward and an attacking midfielder come on for a defender and a midfielder. Ten minutes left, and with the Rebels equilizing against Az-cz, now all bets are off - it's score or go home! DuPont brings on Barclay to try and weather the storm. He wants that point, even if it denies Blouman a shot at the tournament! In a meaningless game for the Wings! Ball whipped in, Berber clears it out. Sent right back in, but now the Wings are packed tight and waiting for a chance to break out. Blackridge almost gives it to them, but his cross to Underwood flies over his head and out of play. That could've been disaster for Blouman, it was a three on two. For the Blouman Empire, the dream is over. Free Krytenia gave them all the help in the world - a 2-2 draw with powerful Az-cz! But the Wings get the 1-1 draw at home to finish group play unbeaten. Az-cz will join them in the finals.

KENNETH: In other group action, Wentland earn a trip to the finals with a victory over Prux while Rennidan draw... Wentland are through on head-to-head. We've already shown you the drama in group three, as Az-cz squeak in over Blouman. In group nine, Kelssek took on Yafalonia and Bazor 2, and the scenario was simple - a victory would tie the two teams on points, and Kelssek would get the head-to-head tiebreaker and second place... 2-0, they get it done! The blancmanges move on with a 2-1 win, as Kereca fell flat against Milchama. Kose and the Turkomans were thrashed by Squornshelous while Vephrall beat Newmanistan, so the sophomore campaigns for the Turks and Rockets end in mutual defeat... they will be back, make no mistake about that.

SCOTTY: Steve Teebone offers up his final analysis of the qualifying stage, and Steve, the Wings eventually warmed up in the second half, although do you like Charles DuPont playing for the draw at the end there?

STEVE: Well, you never want to see a manager give up on points at home, but even with the starters in the lineup, he'd have been hard pressed to find some way around the Blouman Empire. They played with real fire in them. Magnificent football with the World Cup on the line. I think DuPont made the right move to bring Barclay in, since Princeton was having trouble all night long on the right side. He's not a bad defender, but just not used to the pace of the game yet. The offense was disappointing. No creativity up front, although all credit for the Blouman defense. They were really only out of the game at the start of the second half, when Furuya was fresh, but aside from that they didn't let the Wings settle in and dictate the pace of the game.

SCOTTY: And now the Wings travel to the Hans, where they actually hope it won't become a home away from home. The Wings took fifteen of fifteen points on the road during qualifying, only eleven at home. Steve Teebone, thanks for your hard work, and we'll see you at tournament time!

QBC WORLD CUP XLI COVERAGE

"Hello all, I'm Beck Davidham, We here at QBC are here to cover the Qazox-Acapais, the final qualifying match. Earlier today, Zwangzug and the Orion Star Empire drew 1-1, meaning if Qazox wins, they take the group title by 2 points. The first meeting between these two was a 1-1 draw in Qazox, and this match should be just as close, as Head Coach Ryan Greenley is using most of the bench today in an effort to see if ther might be any changes to the roster that might need to be made before the World Cup itself.

The referees are ready, the anthems have been played, and we're ready to go!"

<Match End>
"Well to come away with any points at Acapais is a good thing, the 0-0 draw did no favors to the Pheonix, as Zwangzug wins the group on GD +18 to +11. But Qazox only allowed 8 goals for an match average of 0.80, amongst the best in the world, and scored an average of 1.90, which is no so great. This team needs to improve offensively if they are going to snap the dry spell at the World Cup itself. But finshing with the 2nd unbeaten qualifing the team has had, maybe the dry spell might be over. Well until the World Cup draw itself, which will be broadcast live on our good friends QSPN, who will carry every World Cup match, excepting Qazox', we say adieu."

We have other scores from Group 7, and here they are:
Orion Star Empire 1-1 Zwangzug (FINAL)
Aleos 2-3 Fmjphoenix (FINAL)

And scores from around the Q continuum:
Ofedestan 0-4 Green Wombat (FINAL)
Prux 2-3 Wentland (FINAL)
Taeshan 2-1 Nethertopia (FINAL)

And the match summary for all:
NOTHING, Zip Zilch, Nada.

Qazox Scoring:
Kallie Jaus- 5 (1 PK)
Anderson Tarricone- 4
Renna Valladores- 4
Raul de Olivares- 2
Stevie Spingler
Charles Marquis (1 PK)
Letta Smicht
Willow Farmwald

Bookings:
Spingler- 1 RED (missed the 2nd Zwangzug match)
Shillingford- 1 Yellow
Stasinos- 1 Yellow
Reyes- 1 Yellow
Heberly- 1 Yellow
de Olivares- 1 Yellow
Valladores- 1 Yellow

OLHO NO LANCE! YOUR SPORTS MAGAZINE!
$PECIAL $ECTION

WORLD CUP 41 QUALIFIERS COVERAGE - WITH GLOBO MULTIMEDIA
Written by Sílvio Ruiz, with comments from TV made by Breno Gavião

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

CAFUNDÉU QUALIFIED - CAN THE SUPPORTERS EXPECT MORE?

http://img71.imageshack.us/img71/2558/imagem2oi4.jpg
Teams prepared for the second half

The Monopolists, already qualified, travelled to Frontenax to play the last game of this stage of the World Cup - I mean, a pre-WC stage. This game was important for the National Team, as the players are struggling to gain the confidence of the supporters, and a big win could change their attitude towards the red-black team. The final result was a very positive one, but the performance didn't convince the supporters. Cafundéu will need to show more football in the World Cup proper.

In fact, the game was easy. But not because Cafundéu played much better than the opponents. But just because the opponents didn't have a real good reason to battle for the victory. A win against the Monopolists would be good, but wouldn't change the fact that they didn't qualify for the World Cup. Because of this, the Cafundéu offense didn't find many difficulties in piercing in the opponent's defence... but took a long time to score, thanks to a lot of missed chances. When the supporters were going to complain, Alex scored the first goal.

The second goal was scored in the end of the first half. Da Silva made an excellent individual play and passed the ball to Silvinho. The midfielder shot, the goalkeeper saved, and Flecha took the rebound to shoot and score. In the second half, Cafundéu played with the same quality (which wasn't so good after all), and found the same difficulties to score: lack of finishing ability. At least the substitute Valtinho showed his strength shooting from outside the area: the ball went so fast to the goal that the goalkeeper, desperately trying to save, fell on the ground in a bad way and asked to be substituted. 3x0 for Cafundéu.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT (Valtinho's goal): “Another missed chance by Cafundéu, the ball goes for a goal kick! This time, it was Marrrrrcelo Rrrrrocha who missed! Frrrrrontenax with the ball in the defence, rrrrrreaches the midfield... excellent tackle by Valtinho! He rrrrrrruns, passes the ball to Da Silva, rrrrreceives the ball back, finds space to shoot... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Show me the rrrrrreplay! Valtinho, number six! Cafundéu thrrrrree, Frrrrrontenax zerrrrro! Buy today your official Cafundéu shirrrrrrt using the interrrrrrnet! Enter in edirrrrrrraf.com!”

JORGE LANG - INTERVIEWS: the qualifying stage is over. Cafundéu got the qualification, which is already something good, but of course the supporters want the team to play better. The coach Rivaldo Sodré, criticized by many, said: "The first part is over. Now we will get prepared to the real challenge with some friendlies and be ready to show the world that we can return to be a top country!" The midfielder Da Silva said: "Everyone in the team is looking forward to the World Cup. I'm sure we all can make Cafundéu shine."

http://img523.imageshack.us/img523/2842/imagem1pk6.jpg
Alex prepares to shoot

FRONTENAX 0x3 CAFUNDÉU

Place: Frontier Field, in Anchorage, Frontenax.
Attendance: 62,530 people.
Referee: Te-Co (Az-cz).
MOTM: Da Silva (Cafundéu).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/frontenax.png FRONTENAX: Rochester (Stronson 80'); Baker, Kowalski and Hirshel; Lawrence, Kapoor, Fischer (Saxon 71') and Shareef; Pellegrino, Haverford (Elkan 45') and Salem.
Coach: Stephen Tow.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Moisés; Ronaldão (Marcelo Rocha 73'), Alex and Gaëif; Silveira, Zé Sho, Silvinho (Valtinho 45') and Tobias; Flecha, Fabrício and Careca (Jorginho 66').
Coach: Rivaldo Sodré.

CAF: Alex 34' , Flecha 44' , Valtinho 79'.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

WC Goalscorers:

7- Flecha
4- Augusto César
3- Fabrício, Moreira
2- Silveira, Alex
1- Da Silva, Rubiano, Valtinho, Marcelo Rocha

Ray McKeen, as Head Counselor of Cafundéu, couldn't be sent directly to jail before a trial. And, because of that, he was able to continue with his job until the elections that decided which would be the government system of Cafundéu.

But, at that time, everything was changed. People asked Hector Van Tocco to return to be the Emperor, others appreciated the new Empress and supported her. Anyway, McKeen's reputation was simply destroyed. Different than what happened with the former Emperor, there were proofs against the Counselor-Minister, relating him with two murders. He was the one to blame for the deaths of Paul Badder and Álvaro Behauer.

So, no one seemed surprised when the result of the plebiscite came: the Monarchy would continue in Cafundéu. Empress Alice Van Tocco would continue leading the country, and the normal elections would happen in two months. After that, Ray McKeen will not be the Head Counselor anymore (who will take his place? Said Al-Jazeeb? Asano Pender? Erasmo Carlos Jowenguard?), and the Empress will have the power to fire him. If he leaves the government, he can go to jail without having to wait for the final judgement. It seems that this is what will happen.

After the plebiscite results, the new Empress sent a public note, saying the new objectives of the Empire: "improve the relationship with neighbour countries, including Estresse Intenso; improve the state of the education in the country; making big projects aiming future profits and money gains; help small companies to grow up and to employ more, which will help them to win money; keep the stability of the country against terrorists."

McKeen was defeated. Cafundéu has a new ruler. The Senator Olivier Derrod continues his battle for socialism. The country has faced difficult times, and many things need to be made in order to restore full peace and to recover all the money lost.

Host announcement

Due to the Jolt database error for the majority of today, post-qualifying friendlies will be delayed to Wednesday. I will still be handling the scorination. This also means that you now have until Wednesday 25 June 1230 UTC to submit friendly requests.

This does not affect the schedule in the lead-up to the finals. The group draw is set for Friday, 27 June, around 1430 UTC.

This time Mark Tupper really thought he was having a heart attack. He staggered to his feet, clutching at his chest and waving his other arm in an erratic and thoroughly alarming manner.

They'd done it. He'd done it. He'd actually done it.

---INTERMISSION FOR HAIKU---

History is made
In terms of one team's success
Not for others though

-------------------------------

He let out an exultant yell of triumph, cut off as he accidentally swallowed his gob of chewing gum.

He choked. His eyes teared. Tears of joy, journalists would assert. Someone slapped him on the back; the chewing gum ejected itself right into the back of someone's head.

It didn't matter. They'd done it.

ooc: I have a lot of ground to cover so this will be the motherload of motherload posts

Hangyeong

The Emperor was waiting for some time. The summer monsoon season had already begun, and it was pouring rain outside. Not that he was complaining. After the dust storms and the dry air, a little rain was welcome. The media was pretty quiet, but news of the terrorist attack in Cafundeu spread soon. It was only a matter of time. There was no need to arouse any suspicion that it was the Mujeongbu; especially after what happened in Casari and Candelaria And Marquez. If the Emperor in Cafundeu thought that he was having a hard time, wait until he listened to the public outcry at the apparent lack of control over free radicals internationally. After all, it was the Emperor (of the Han) who held authority on Earth; it was his responsibility if things weren't going the way that people liked them to go.

A man with a red flag came into the Emperor's quarters - it was an urgent message. "The ambassador in Cafundeu has evidence that the Mujeongbu are responsible."

The Emperor sighed. "Is he certain?"

"The Cafundeu authorities literally gave it to him, expecting him to answer. They have the banner, the pictures, and captives. There is no doubt, sire."

He sighed again. What was happening in the world? Security was collapsing as the Emperor's age was becoming a larger number than the number of current World Cups played (well, it was already a bigger number in the first place).

"Well, issue a statement, condemning the attack. And get Count Yu into my office at the first opportunity. I want to know exactly what the Hwarang are doing to prevent future attacks, and what the Mujeongbu are plotting exactly. This news isn't making anyone comfortable."


Cafundó do Juta

The Ambassador was rather antsy after receiving the evidence, and what appeared to be a drill squad of Cafundelense soldiers standing in his office (invited of course). General Winnear was reading out the declarations that they had grabbed from the captured terrorists. As if that was what they needed; the flag, the pictures, and the literature were enough for any sensible Han to recognize the markings of the Mujeongbu. The fact that they used explosives in an unconventional manner seemed to pin the spot even more. Using industrial corrosive compounds probably wouldn't have elicited any suspicion until the police knew what was happening, and somehow everything clicked into place. But that left even more important questions? Who knew? Who helped them? How many were left?

"As you are the sole person responsible for admitting your citizens to our country - with our permission, of course - you know who these people are. How could you let them in?"

The ambassador had an answer.

"I didn't let them come in," he answered the General.

"This is amazing!" Winnear said, hinting sarcasm in his ecstasy. "If not you, then who? We need to catch these criminals before they scare away our investors!"

A soldier calmly poked on his back, carelessly close to his buttocks. "I mean, we have to catch them to protect our people! Protect them, yes..."

"I did not let them in. Even if I did, I would not recognize them," the ambassador said. The General was not convinced; the ambassador continued... "These are the second generation of Mujeongbu fighters. I'm not familiar with their tactics, but it seems that they're taking their fight away from the Han Empire to those of our close relations. Or not. I guess they're just trying to kill more people to make them afraid and by some weird logic spontaneously reject ordered society in favor of anarchy. I'm not sure. I'm a political scientist, not a social scientist. But I can say that these men would not have come as citizens of the Han Empire."

"How then?"

"All members of the Mujeongbu are tagged in our database. If they are a convicted member of the Mujeongbu, their citizenship is automatically revoked. The majority of Mujeongbu members now live overseas, away from the Han Empire, after many years of policy of exile - a reckless policy of the Gojong-era, that let our criminals pass freely to other countries. It is obvious that they're plotting a return somehow."

"So they're not your citizens?"

"They're probably citizens of countries that have friendly relations with countries that have friendly relations with Cafundeu. It's a complex equation, but somehow they manage it. At least in our records. They use multiple locations to hide their identity until the last moment."

"So what you're trying to say is... there's more of them?"

The ambassador shrugged his shoulders. General Winnear was despondent. "We must have these answers! Otherwise, our investors will find other country that safer! Safer!" The soldier again poked the General, careful to avoid his buttocks. "I mean! Our people..."

"After many years in Cafundeu, I know what you people expect," the ambassador said. "No need for lies here, at least."

"Good. Because I hope you're lying right now. Do you have any idea what's happened to the property values around St. George's Square? They've gone down! That area is not going to be a hit buy-market; it's going to be a slam dunk sell-market! Because of your terrorists!"

"Let's not get too hasty about the blame game," the ambassador replied, evidently getting a little perspiration around his neck. "We've got the captives. Maybe our agents can get more information off from them."

"Good, because our translator speaks useless Bensroomese. We want to know who, what, when, and why. More importantly, the when. And with what. Dammit! I hate it when we lose good men to bombs. It's a waste of money!"

The soldier poked him again. "What?" The General turned around and slapped him. "He said no need for lies! That means he knows! Stop poking me!"

"Ummm..."

At that moment, an email popped up on the ambassador's cell phone, directly from the Foreign Ministry. It was labeled -URGENT-; it must have been urgent. "It seems that our people are sending Hwarang agents to Cafundeu, with your permission, to interrogate your prisoners. And I'm advised to warn you that your citizens may become live targets in the next few days."

"What?!?"

"I don't know! I'm just advised to say that. I don't know what it means. Evidently, the Hwarang believe that there are more Mujeongbu in Cafundeu..."

"Great!" the General yelled hysterically. "More terrorists! What's going to happen to our pay check bonus at the end of the year? First this mess about the Counselor-Minister's dead, and now terrorists! If the national team (of Cafundeu) hadn't qualified, I'd imagine that this country would just fall apart!"

The ambassador chuckled under his breath. "Well, according to the Mujeongbu... that's the point."

The General gazed a leery eye at the ambassador. "Just exactly whose side are you on?"

"I advocate Han interest," the ambassador said. "And at the moment, Han interests need Cafundeu to stand strong. We're going to help you find and stop these murderers."

For the first time, the General relaxed his shoulders. "That's a relief. I'll see what our people can do. But don't expect that things will go easy just because you say that you will help. In my eyes, the Han and the Mu... Mu..." One of his soldiers whispered the word. "Mujeongbu... them, you all look alike."

The ambassador nodded. "As long as you realize that we're here to help, that won't be a problem."


WCHOC

***Closed Meeting of the World Cup Hosting Organizing Committee (WCHOC)***

WCHOC Chairman = CH
WCHOC Secretary = SC
WCHOC Treasurer = TR
WCHOC Historian = HS
WCHOC Random Fellow = RF
WCHOC Butler = BT

CH: So have we figured out the financial situation?

TR: I've figured out how we can finance the World Cup?

CH: That's a change! What is it?

TR: World Cup Pistachio Nut Stands!

SC: Some reason, that doesn't sound too impressive.

TR: Haven't you seen the news? Pistachios are hot items! For once, we can thank the Bostonians!

SC: Have you read the news at all? People are buying the pistachios to throw them at people. Riots! Wars! We don't want that to happen!

RF: Actually, I heard there was a storm caused by pistachios.

BT: But can't you see that's a lie?

TR: %$#^, someone please shut him up.

CH: We need the Butler.

TR: Why?

CH: Comic relief, mostly.

BT: But don't you appreciate my contributions to this Committee?

TR: What contributions?

RF: I don't know. So far, the Butler's done more than your stupid pistachio idea.

CH: Come on, it wasn't a stupid idea. It was... uninspirational.

TR: You guys are going to be thanking me! After the World Cup, we'll be rich enough to host another World Cup!

SC: Except, we're currently barred from hosting a World Cup for the next two World Cups.

TR: Which means... fatter pay checks?

*cricket chirps*

CH: Fatter as in richer?

TR: Yep.

SC: I still think it's a crappy idea.

RF: Crappy works too.

SC: Okay, so we're sponsoring pistachio nut stands. What else is new?

CH: Well, I've just gotten off the phone with our counter parts. It seems that we're going to have the Group Draw on Friday.

SC: Which Friday?

CH: I don't know.

BT: But does it matter?

TR: Someone please shut him up now before I whack him with a pistachio nut!

*all gasp*

SC: Did you just...?

TR: Come on. I didn't mean it that way...

*everyone pulls out a pistachio nut*

TR: Okay, great. You guys have pistachio nuts. Why don't I have one?

BT: But didn't you prepare?

*everyone throws the pistachios at the Treasurer*

CH: Meeting adjourned!

(this morning post brought to you by Jolt's ever-lasting breakdown)

Green Wombat Daily Tattler

At least we know who might be on the team in 4 years, as Luisa Credle and Leslie Mcilwain finish with strong showings in the last 3 games, combining to score all but 1 of the team's 9 final goals, Mcilwain scored 5, while Credle had 3. But still a 3-3-4 record in qualiying, 4 years after the last qualifying is a dissapointment, as this is a step back. But when the Wombats returned, again, they said we'd never make the Cup, and we did, so now we got to make it back again.

The CoH is coming up soon, most likely hosted by Zwangzug and Newmanistan. The Wombats are awaiting an invitation, which is likely, but not assured.

Scoring:
GW: Luisa Credle- 41' (PK)
GW: Luisa Credle- 57'
GW: Phillip Milligan- 62'
GW: Leslie Mcilwain -85'


Schedule/ Results
MD1: vs. Blouman Empire LOSE 0-2
MD2: @ Dancougar Draw 1-1
MD3: @ Free Krytenia Rebels LOSE 2-4
MD4: vs. Az-cz Draw 2-2
MD5: vs. Ofedestan WIN 2-0
Mid-Qualifying Break
MD6: @ Blouman Empire Draw 2-2
MD7: vs. Dancougar LOSE 0-2
MD8: vs. Free Krytenia Rebels Win 3-1
MD9: @ Az-cz LOSE 2-6
MD10: @ Ofedestan Win 4-0
RECORD: 3-3-4 4th in group.

Predicted record: 5-2-3

Orion Star Empire 1 (Hollister 27) - Zwangzug 1 (Naluk 63)

"With another successful qualification in the books, we've got...numbers to crunch!"

"Courtesy of an Ad'ihani research agency that presumably gets paid to figure this kind of stuff out."

"A scoreless draw in Acapais means Zwangzug wins the group. How much does that mean?"

"Not too much. The top three finished as seeded, the bottom three didn't make much noise. This was a no-nonsense group, and there wasn't any nonsense."

"Interestingly put. But how about this-Zwangzug's first undefeated qualification!"

"Don't read too much into that, either. We played just as many games last tournament, and took more points, going 9-0-1. Nine other teams went undefeated, as well."

"All right. Anything we can read into?"

"Well, it was admittedly less rare, but conceding single-digit goals is still an achievement. Whatever the defense is doing back there, it's working."

"Less rare, indeed. Jeruselem, Milchama, and Cafundéu leading the pack with only four goals against, and they're just not the names you'd expect to see down there. Is that because of their competition?"

"Northern Bettia? The Holy Empire? A three-way dogfight below Squornshelous? Nope, whatever those sides are doing is their own achievement."

"But how about us? Our defense is going to change for the proper, after all."

"Indeed. Coach Doodlypants Mcgimpy has said that Sonal Kaur, the MUFN's best defender of Season 1, is ready for this level of competition-and critics of Bennett Covy would agree that he isn't."

"In contrast, Eddie Barnes has always been most keyed up for the big games, so he'll be returning to the starting lineup for his final tournament."

"And we'll be bringing you all the games. Stay tuned."

So Kura-Pelland did qualify, Candelaria And Marquez didn't, and just to top it off the new Candelariasian national stadium is to be designed by Kura-Pellandi architects ShinyPlaces.

Never mind the small matter of this stadium being built mostly for - and by - the new world club champions, C&M's own Albrecht Turkish...

Qualification was ensured with a game to spare, helped by the fact that Jariss were frankly crap, allowing the main challenge to come from super-newbs Vonks. Perhaps C&M clubs will raid their domestic league soon. Perhaps they won't.

Either way near-humiliation is assured for Kura-Pelland in the eastern lands of Daehanjeiguk and Ad'ihan.

Tunk: Morning ...
Wife: Well, that was a great birthday party.
Tunk: If you invite the Dallas clan, it's always entertaining.
Wife: That are part of the family now.

Tunk: I didn't know you hired a stripper for me.
Wife: I did, but didn't turn up so ... one of those Dallas girls compensated.
Tunk: It wasn't really needed ...
Wife: Everyone had a good time, that's what counts.

Tunk: Yeah, a poledancing Marie-Antoinette Dallas is a bit much for an old man like me.
Wife: I'd do it myself, but I'm old like you too.
Tunk: It's not everyday you get harassed by poledancing Princesses.
Wife: She's pretty good!

Tunk: A lot of it has to do with her mother.
Wife: Hey, I was a topless barmaid when you met me.
Tunk: You're not as bad as those Dallas girls.
Wife: In those days, women didn't have much of career option apart from being Mums.

Tunk: You didn't want to get your own career.
Wife: I like being a stay-a-home Mum.
Tunk: I heard some of Dallas kids are coming around for a party here with our grandkids.
Wife: Yeah, a garden party. It's the cats and dogs party.

Tunk: What's that?
Wife: The boys dress as dogs and chase the girls dressed as cats.
Tunk: Sounds kinky for that kind of party.
Wife: It's just hide and seek, in another form.

Tunk: I suppose it's just like "Jews and Palestinians" game we used to play
Wife: Except you don't try to beat the person you caught.
Tunk: Err, that too.
Wife: You have to be PC these days.

It was a cold dreary day in Yafalonia and Bazor 2, after the Black and White's 0-1 loss to the Seconds. Even the victors of the day didn't stay on the pitch any longer than absolutely necessary to show the fans that they cared, and to accept the tinket for making it into the knockout stages of the cup. The Arrozans having been destined to not care about this game weeks ago, ust stood outside in the cold rain, motionless, surrounded by the guards.

"The following players, when you name is called, please step forward, and go to the west end of the field. Lancaster'll be waiting for y'all with some parole officers to send you back to Arroza. Valente, Kandji, Camp, McIntosh, Rios, Knox, Moore! You're all free to go."

The rest of the players sullenly stared at the newly free parolees. They were going to the good life. Martin Lancaster had been talking to them all week about how he had got the idea to found their own soccer team in Arroza, and how they would all get contracts, good money for an ex-con 50-60 thousand baht a year, just for playing a game. And as the newly named "Fremen" walked out through the Western Gate of the stadium, they could almost ignore the sounds of prisoners being beaten with rifle stocks and the clank of manacles.

The experiment was over. Angola State FC, and their world cup run was dead. Long live Angola State FC.

“Blub blub blub blub, blib blib plop plab bilb blob blib”*

“Blub blub blub-blub, plip plop plip!”**

“Blib plop, blib blab pip?”

“Blop-blop, blop blop blop.”

“Plip blab plip-plop.” <Snorts in amusement> “Blip-plap, blup!”

“Blub…”

“Blip-plab blop plib plab plop-plop-blip, blop, blop.”***

“Blip plop. Plip plab, plip-blab plip-plop.”†

“Blip-plap.” <Nods thoughtfully> “Blip ploppy-blop-blop, blip blop-pop-plop. Blup?”‡

“Plib-plab plop-plip-plab-plip, plib-plab-blib-plob-bop, bob-blop, blop.”§

“Plip plab-plop plip. Blop-blop, blip-blap blop.”****

“Plip-plab pliop-bloop-blop, blop plib blob.”

“Plib plab, plop plop-plob.”

“Plib-blop?”

“Bloop.”

“Blip-blap, ploop-blop, plop-blob.”*****

“Blip-blab, plop-blib.”******

“Plib plop-blib blop.” *******

“Plib….?”

“Plib plop-blib blop.”

“Blaaap! Pliiib!”

“Plop-blip lop-blop.” ********

“Bloop… Bloop-bleep pop.”

“Plib, plap-plop…”

“Blip?”

“Blip-plop.” <Rolls eyes theatrically> “Blip-plop.”

“Plop.”*********

__________________


* Can’t say I know much about the Algal States, but I’m guessing something’s gone a little wrong with the translation.

** “But I didn’t think we played too badly, all things considered.”

*** “A really memorable goal by Ignacio Vélez though, wasn’t it?”

† “Oh, such poise, such awareness! They way he took it round the ‘keeper – for someone of his age, that was really special. But I guess you never lose that kind of thing.”

‡ “You have to wonder about the future though, don’t you? The Big Blues aren’t even qualifying now, with Vélez and Ramiro Novo up front. What’s going to happen when they’re forced to rely on Joe Cunningham and Andrew Bradley and God-knows who else? It’s a scary thought.”

§ “Mm.”

**** Something about Ben Edwards’ and Rául Vélez’s goals? Honestly, I’m only guessing.

***** “And the flagellate said: ‘That’s funny, I’ve never come that way before!’”

****** “I don’t get it.”

******* “Oh, I’ll explain when your thallus fragments.”

******** “And there it is.”

********* Something about goblins, probably.

This is the RP cutoff for post-qualifying friendlies.

Post-qualifying friendlies can be found here (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13792980&postcount=16).

“You know. These media blackouts never seem to work out the way we want them Agent Smith.”

“Yes Mr. President I know. Trying to keep people from finding out about the matches only seems to put less pressure on the team and they pull something out like this. The only perfect record in the entire qualifiers, move up another spot in the rankings. One of the better GDs in the group. Maybe we need to cover the team more to put pressure on them.”

“Those cultists with their lord of scores, he’s supposed to be some light deity right?”

“That’s how I see it mr. president.”

“well maybe these blackouts just helps his cultists, some nonsense about the light shining brighter when nothing else is illuminated and all that garbage.”

“Mr. President you know about this mystic mumbo jumbo?”

“Yes Agent Smith, I did my doctorate on the effects of various forms cultism in a country. Only got a B on it though.”

“I see, so what should we do now?”

“Well we could increase coverage again and see if that helps. We can spin it as ‘now the matches matter’ or some sort of promo to that effect. These cult led teams have almost spoiled the people, now they expect to qualify every time. Have you noticed how the ratings have steadily dropped during the qualifiers, people don’t much care about them until the Cup starts up again.”

“And the other matter Mr. President.”

“Recognition of their cult as a legal and legitimate cult, um religion of the nation? We’d be the laughingstock of the world if we admit a glowing soccer ball cult is a legal religion.”

“Possibly sir but this could be seen as supporting our own native atheism in a way. By promoting such a ridiculous thing we can show the world how unimportant such things are here that no one much cares what recognition would bring us.”

“But still we’re getting too many these days, the Catholics we had to accept or the Irish would revolt, Judaism we had to allow to get their input into our economy and banking. But nothing else is even close to 1% of the population. Those NOCCROs have only .3% of the population. We can probably still block them from full legal status and keep them with the Eastern Orthodox and Muslims in the Provisional category. A few more fringe groups have turned up in the latest polls but nothing of any concern.”

“I see, have you run the numbers of what happens if we win?”

“Estimates indicate their numbers might as much as triple but only about 20% or so are expected to remain part of the cult long term.”

“Damn so we better hope we get knocked out right off the bat then. Its our best option at this point right?”

“Yes sir it is.”

“Then let’s hope we get a group of death this time around.”

ROBERT: Four of Dancougar's friendliest sportswriters! Coming up... warmup for the World Cup, as the Wings look to win back their baking equipment. An FA employee in hot water for miscommunication. And Dancougar basketball... too little, too late! Ten topics, one winner. HORN!

(Title screen)
ANNOUNCER: It's Around the Horn... here's Robert Vincennes!

ROBERT: Welcome back to the show that scores the arguments. Let's say hello to that national panel. At the Lakeport Times, Jay Adonis!

JAY: These made-up rivalry games with Casari are no replacement for the epic matches the Wings have played against Newmanistan and Cafundeu.

ROBERT: Ooookay, at the Stoneridge Post, Drew Papes!

DREW: What are you talking about, it's got that college derby atmosphere, even with the pros on the field!

ROBERT: I don't know why I didn't mute either of you, there... at the Yuki City Sun, Kenji Nakahara!

KENJI: A funk at home, that's four ties in seven home matches for the Wings.

ROBERT: And at the Port Royal Observer, Bradley Sharpe!

BRADLEY: Upset special for moral qualification, Wings over Secristan in overtime. (MUTE -1)

ROBERT: Yeah, nobody cares about your basketball tournament, Sharpe.

(Graphical overload!)
ANNOUNCER: It's the First Word!

ROBERT: After sitting out the last two qualifying matches, the Black Wing first eleven took on Casari last night at the National Stadium. After taking the lead ten minutes in the second half off of Hideo Ikeda, world number five Casari rallied to tie the score. A 1-1 draw, which is still a good result for the Wings, although it means that the Golden Cake Pan stays with the visitors! Odd trophies aside, what do you think of the team going into the final tournament? Around the horn to you, Jay Adonis.

JAY: It's a good thing they played before the tournament started, because the Wings really needed to get back into their game. The starters have only been playing in their home leagues for the past couple weeks, and it showed. Half of that team came out flat. (+3) Bad shots, mistimed passes, and nobody was really reading anybody else. In short, they'd lost some of the cohesion that really carried them through qualifiers. (+2) But Ikeda was looking pretty good, Leyton was pretty good. (+1) Once they settled down in the second half, they held their own against a Casari team that did very well in its group with West Starblaydia and Jeru FC challenging them all the way. (+1) So while we might have expected more from the team that's beaten Az-cz twice, they showed that they're at least capable of hanging with the top teams. (+2) That's going to be important once they get into the tournament, because they're going to have to get past the Casaris of the world if they want to get back to the quarterfinals. They need to get back into form, and while they were able to do that by the end of this game, it's worrisome how quickly they lost that spark. (+2)

DREW: Here's what I saw last night, Jay, and I'm not sure if we were watching the same game or not, because Casari were by far the better team on the field for all but maybe the first twenty minutes of the second half! (+2) The Wings got a lot of energy for the second half; they took too long to warm up, too long to get back together, and after they got that goal, where was the follow up? (+2) Ikeda should've been crashing the net, and the midfield wasn't giving him or Jinguuji any decent service. (+2) For me, what stood out was the superb play of goalkeeper Yuji Watanabe, who pretty much saved this game for them. He's the future of Clube Imperial, and he's showed that talent last night, specifically on two huge saves, back to back, with five minutes to go. (+3) He punches out a corner, and holds his ground on the return volley, and gets it over the bar. It was Casari's best chance of the second half, after the goal, and he preserved the tie. (+2) For me, Watanabe was the bright spot of the game. He was ready to go right from the start and kept the crowd on the Wings' side. (+1) Great effort.

ROBERT: All right... Nakahara!

KENJI: Yeah, Watanabe's been really good, single digit goals against during qualifying, and he didn't seem like he was flat at all. The competition in Cafundeu has been keeping him fit. (+2) The offense didn't look so bad, guys, give them a little credit. The Casari defense has been a tough nut for anyone to crack in this tournament, but we saw Leyton start to really hit his stride in the second half, making good reads and some nice passes. (+3) He had that one through ball to Whittaker got tackled away at the last minute, that could've easily been a goal. (+2) And nobody seems to remember Jinguuji get robbed by the 'keeper. First half corner, he outjumped everybody in the box to pound that one down. That's the kind of effort we expected and it took a great reaction from the 'keeper to keep it out. (+3) You guys dwelled too much on the negatives there. Yeah, the defense slipped up in a few places. Berber gave up some silly free kicks, but that happens. The referees don't always make the right call; only some of those were deserved. (+1)

BRADLEY: Well, Kenji, you need to focus on the negatives because they're what's going to lose a match. The negatives always always ALWAYS cancel out the positives unless you're putting in four goals a game. The Wing offense barely looked capable of managing two. (+1) You give some examples, Kenji, but if those are your only chances and you don't put them in, what happens? (+3) The Wings weren't creating enough when they had the ball; sure, ninety minutes, you're going to get a ball through every now and then. But too many passes, like you said, Jay, weren't making it through the Casari defense. (+2) Lots of giveaways. Ikeda's goal was one of the few clear chances they managed the entire game. The rest of the time they were really trying to force the issue, and as a result, they weren't making the Casari 'keeper work really hard. (+2) Now, to be fair, the defense really stepped up in the second half. They let in the Casari goal and then they buckled down. We saw Berber really improve in his man-marking, and Weatherford was being much more careful and avoiding the silly mistakes we've associated him with. (+2)

ROBERT: We move on, next topic, and this one's the friendly that wasn't! The Dancougar FA had agreed to a friendly match with Arroza, but neither side submitted the paperwork to make it official! As a result, the game wasn't played, and now one of the members of the FA board is being suspended for the error! Does this sit well with you, Adonis?....

PRUXTON GLOBE

Dateline: Griffin Stadium, Pruxton
Reason: Matchday Ten

Result: 2-3 home loss to Wentland

Scoring:
Wentland- Robbie Schinn: 11'
Prux- Speedy MacDuck: 27'
Wentland- Andy Saint: 52'
Prux- Dumbo Duck: 57'
Wentland- Andy Saint: 78'

Summary:
The ROBODUCKS horrid qualifying campaign is mercifully over.

Match rating (1-5): 3
Rating reasoning: Well Prux finished with a losing record, but still managed to have a positive goal differential, so they got that going for them.

Next match: TBD

QSPN.com FootballNet

Simulated World Cup Draw

Qualified Teams (world rank) (hosts in bold):

Daehanjeiguk (25)
Ad'ihan (12)
Bazalonia (7)
Wentland (23)
Bettia (14)
Kura-Pelland (31)
Dancougar (22)
Az-cz (6)
Quakmybush (18)
Sel Appa (9)
Northern Bettia (15)
Cafundeu (17)
Casari (5)
W. Starblaydia (27)
Zwangzug (13)
Qazox (26)
Demot (10)
UCS-Jasiyun (24)
Yafor 2 (16)
Kelssek (44)
Jeruselem (11)
Taeshan (38)
Milchama (3)
The Holy Empire (20)
Tynelia (8)
Starblaydia (21)
Sqournshelous (4)
Vephrall (28)
Valanora (1)
The Archregimancy (34)
Capitalizt SLANI (2)
Bostopia (19)

Lowest ranked team to qualify: Kelssek #44
Highest ranked team NOT to qualify: #29 Candelaria And Marquez

QSPN.com's predicted Groups:

GROUP A
Daehanjeiguk
Bazalonia
Quakmybush
W. Starblaydia

GROUP B
Capitalizt SLANI
Yafor 2
Wentland
Taeshan

GROUP C
Casari
Sel Appa
Bettia
The Archregimancy

GROUP D
Milchama
Jeruselem
The Holy Empire
Vephrall

GROUP E
Ad'ihan
Tynelia
Starblaydia
UCS-Jasiyun

GROUP F
Valanora
Northern Bettia
Dancougar
Kelssek

GROUP G
Sqournshelous
Demot
Cafundeu
Qazox

GROUP H
Az-cz
Zwangzug
Bostopia
Kura-Pelland

Wentlander chancey in the finalode? If the forward lion have a symmetrical teamworkers - and they special have, as you know - from the first markit of the ball, take in mind the measure beat of a one two throo and fido to fallolop out to the wingers and a very fine trickly how and rut with a drop kick and bottle one and shootit in the goal. If they can get by without an offsider and don’t noy the ref and throw the bottleode. He’s only doing his best.

It be hard on their halfbackers as they won’t get a chance to fallolopy shooty because the enthusiasm of the forwarders to huffalo dowder into the goal. Oh yes.

It behoves a deep joy of the Wentloders in the cup finalode and the teamteam opposer with the grabbit and pointers, with the kneeclappers on the balltrap and I’ve been suffering ever since. Oh, folly, folly.

The ambidextrals shooty with either side into the grole with the triply score as they stuff the Pruxicolds with their horribold smell and the fine scrumption of scores past the armpeggers of the goalmode score a clean grollop or throo and Wentlode are in the finals at half past oat in the afterlubrious. So manifest was so many careless of the defencers. The referee didn’t grup the kicking in the bogus, oh deep joy. The whole situation depends on a world footbally and Wentloders are in the finals. There is a joy in it.

OOC:(Lolwhut? E-Mail? Huh?)
In the bowels of the Ministry of Sport Mailroom. Reggae music is playing softly in the background.

Boss: "Whatever happened to that letter that was supposed to go to those people about setting up that friendly against Dancougar?"

Functionary: "I sent the letter in the mail, just like you said. I guess it wen't whereever you addressed it to."

At that point the return to sender alarm went off, and a small mechanical hand descended from the ceiling with the letter in question, and slapped the mailroom attendant across the face with it several times.

Functionary: "OW! Hey, this is that letter, why was it rejected, I put our stamps on it fine. And why does it matter anyways?"

Boss: "First of all, what is that, a tomato stain? You can't use just red smears of stuff to replicate international stamps! You have to put in a requisition form for a purchase of Adi'Hani stamps! And secondly, it matters bacause all of the people who were looking forward to the game today are about 10 blocks from here...in a stadium...where no one's going to show up. You think they're going to be slightly upset?

News Article: Atalanta Constitution – Headline January 13, 40.


More Failure at the Ministry of Sport.


Sunday, the downtown district of Atalanta was rocked with a violent disturbance that left many wondering if the police could keep control in our city. The Arrozan Tar-Hornets were scheduled to play against the Dancougar Black Wings in a post World Cup 41 Friendly. But because of a failure to get the confirmation to official schedulers in Adi’han in anything approaching a proper timeframe, led to the Black Wings sitting at home in Dancougar, and 37,400 ticket holding fans sitting in a cold drizzle at Government Park, Sunday.

What came after that could have been seen a mile away. The fans bitter from having come all the way to the Capitol District for a game that never materialized became inflamed, and turned their attention to the Ministry Skyscraper, just 10 blocks away, down Commonwealth Bridge Av. By the time they had arrived there, there were two lower lever functionaries who tried to calm the crowd down, and expressed their sorrow for the guilt of not sending the confirmation mail to Adi’Han properly. The crowd wanted none of that, and several negative acts ensued against Governmental property in the area, including 3 instances where effigies of Ministry of Sport head Cristiano Biloxi were burned. At least 100 windows were broken and over 20 cars were destroyed before the Capitol police dispersed the crowd with tear gas and rubber bullets.

Police spokesman Biff Turner, when asked why no one was arrested said, “There’s 30,000 dudes down here. A third of them are Dancougarian, so they aren’t even from here, so that’s a major headache. And as far as I’m concerned, the feds deserved to have their [deleted] tore up a little bit for being this god-awful dumb. Let ‘em go home and sleep off the drunk, they’ll be fine.”

Total damage, and cleanup cost is estimated to be in the range of five to seven million Baht.

In better news from the department of Sport, the first Soccer game played without using any prisoner labor went off well at Cafendeu, even though the Hornets lost 4-1. Due to the lateness of this final, scores will be printed tomorrow. Please check out, www.atalantaconstitution.arr for up to the minute news and information.

SAYINGS OF THE DESERT FATHERS

On Visions

Macarius wanted to encourage the squad before the World Cup draw so he said, "A little while ago I heard of a mother who was vexed by the devil, and her son said 'Get up, let us go away from here.' But she said, 'My feet are so bad that I can't walk away.' So her son said 'I will carry you.' I am amazed by the cleverness of the devil, how much he wanted them to flee. We must not flee, but must instead stand fast, no matter who we face in the first round."

He also told the brothers about the challenges other Archregimancy squads had faced, back in the days when the team had actually been rather good. "If we keep the commandments of our predecessors we shall answer on God's behalf that not even heathens shall beat us easily. But if we fail to keep the commandments, we shall be roundly thrased by three or four goals."

First of all, info about the three friendlies that Cafundéu played:

Cafundéu 3x0 Kose and the Turkomans

Cafundéu line-up: Moisés; Ronaldão, Gaëif (Fábio 70') and Elvis; Silveira (Jules 72'), Valtinho (Edsanderson 63'), Augusto César and Tobias (Lucas Moura 70'); Rafinha, Careca and Fausto (Túlio Vergara 45').
Coach: Rivaldo Sodré.

Goals: Augusto César 11' , Tobias 38' , Valtinho 45'+.

Cafundéu 4x1 Arroza

Cafundéu line-up: Bartolomeu; Marcelo Rocha, Russo (Renildo 63'), Luizão and Lionel; Jorginho, Índio (Fabinho 45'), Giovanni (Túlio 63') and Moreira; Fabrício (Lacerda 77') and Danilo Sampa (Alves 40').
Coach: Ganz Ijak.

Goals: Luizão 40' , Moreira 41' , Alves 65' , Fabinho 82'.

Europa Brittania 2x3 Cafundéu

Cafundéu line-up: Júlio Sampa (Kardec 45'); Vasco (Vital 75'), Alex and Richard; Zé Sho, Silvinho (Carlos Vergara 45'), Da Silva (Lineu 68') and Marossi; Rubiano and Flecha (Aristóteles 68').
Coach: Serginho Mallandro.

Goals: Rubiano 22'/34' , Aristóteles 80'.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now, the RP storyline:

One problem had been solved: the plebiscite decided that the Empress Alice I would continue in the command of the country, defeating the wannabe president Ray McKeen. But there was another problem. The terrorist attack in Saint George's Square was still unsolved. The group behind the attack was discovered, but there was still work to do. Cafundéu could still be in danger of suffering more terrorist attacks, and the army had to do something about that. The meeting with the Daehanjeiguk ambassador helped things a bit, but didn't help in finding where the ones that ordered the attack in Cafundéu.

It was sure that not all the Mujeongbu were behind the attack in the monopolist country. So, the only thing that the army had to do was to find the ones that were behind. But first they had to discover where they were hiding... and where did they came from.

The first thought was... Estresse Intenso. But that was impossible. Not even a terrorist group could live in that country without becoming crazy. Which are the other countries from which many people go to Cafundéu? Elves Security Forces, maybe? Dancougar? Yafor 2? Jeruselem? Qazox? Wentland? Kose? Sorthern Northland? Bostopia? The UCS? Too many options... the mission seemed impossible.

General Lars Winnear looked to General Braga Nunes, his best friend in the army, and asked without hopes:

"What do we do now?"

"We have to act... but we have no clues. We need to go after them first."

"It's impossible. We have no more clues. Where they are? Where did they come from?"

"Maybe the Daehanjeiguk agents discovered something from the terrorists that we captured..."

"I'll call the ambassador..."

(minutes later)

"Nothing, Braga."

"So we are really lost."

Suddenly, the phone rings.

"Hello, Counselor-Minister of Defence General Lars Winnear speaking..." - it was really annoying for the ones that call him to wait until he finishes says his full name with titles.

"General, they tried another attack."

"What? Where?"

"In the AEICC headquarters..."

"But that's in Lux! It is in another state!"

"Yes, but they did it... a man tried to invade the building with a bomb, trying to kill AEICC agents... but one agent noticed the suspect and shot him. The bomb exploded, and destroyed the entrance of the building... six people are injured, two in serious conditions."

"Any clues?"

"The terrorist was driving a car before the attack. We found some documents from there... he is living as a citizen from..."

Another phone rings. The General Braga Nunes answers:

"Hello?"

"General, we are the agents that were interrogating the captured terrorists. We discovered their hiding country. It's..."

http://i141.photobucket.com/albums/r56/kelchek/media/national-independent.gif


WORLD CUP 41 >> KELSSEK QUALIFIES FOR THE FIRST TIME
Historic day for Kelssek football
TUESDAY, JUNE 24, 2008 | SPORTS | Damien Lyttle

http://i141.photobucket.com/albums/r56/kelchek/wc41-1.jpg
The Kelssek national football team celebrates after winning qualification to the finals of the World Cup for the first time. Photo: GILLES LACOSSÉ/THE KELSSEKIAN PRESS


It was a simple proposition for the Kelssek football team: win or go home. And with a 2-0 victory against Yafalonia and Bazor 2, they secured their place in history as the first Kelssekians in history to proceed to the finals of the World Cup.

It was an achievement years in the making, marked by two very recent decisions in the past year which arguably contributed much to this success. Firstly, the move to hold home matches in smaller stadiums, and the astute pick of Mark Tupper as general manager after John Convery's departure in favour of a return to club management.

The capacity crowd at Exhibition Place stadium yesterday, and the many near- or full-capacity matches it has hosted, no doubt did much better for the atmosphere and the "home-ground" feel which probably did much to spur the team along to the strong winning performance they displayed.

After a rather dull start to the match, Henri Cournoyer got the first goal after 24 minutes on a brilliant flowing move anchored by Darach Salthill, whose playmaking abilities shone through in midfield, in tandem with Vincent Arsenault. Salthill wrong-footed his marker, punched the ball through the defensive line, and Cournoyer broke the offside trap and pounced with predatory precision.

A Kelssek victory seemed all but certain after that goal, as the team comprehensively took over the game and effectively snuffed out any effort to equalise the scores. Kyle Anderson added a second tally as a sort of formality on 68 minutes with a long-range howitzer that wired itself to the roof of the net.

The rest is and will be history. The already-loud crowd ratcheted it up one more notch, no doubt loosening even more screws and nuts from the stands in the process, and positively erupted as the final whistle blew and the import of the 90 minutes of football just witnessed sunk in.

As somewhat of an added distinction, Kelssek is also the lowest-ranked team on the international rankings to have made it to the dance for the 41st edition of the world's premier football championship.

The World Cup Finals group draw

How it works:
The 30 qualifying teams have been put into two pots of seven and two pots of eight. The two hosts have been put into a special pot. Each team will be drawn one at a time into one of eight groups. No team can be drawn into a group that already has a team of the same seeding.

The pots are, with teams listed in random order:
Special pot: Ad’ihan (12), Daehanjeiguk (25)

Pot 1: Casari (5), Capitalizt SLANI (2), Bazalonia (7), Tynelia (8), Valanora (1), Milchama (3), Az-cz (6), Squornshelous (4)

Pot 2: Demot (10), Bettia (14), Sel Appa (9), Jeruselem (11), Yafor 2 (16), Northern Bettia (15), Zwangzug (13)

Pot 3: Wentland (23), The Holy Empire (20), Bostopia (19), JSY (24), Quakmybush (18), Dancougar (22), Cafundéu (17), Starblaydia (21)

Pot 4: Vephrall (28), Kelssek (44), The Archregimancy (34), West Starblaydia (27), Kura-Pelland (31), Qazox (26), Taeshan (38)

The two hosts are automatically drawn, one into Group A and the other into Group E in the slot they would normally be drawn into (second for Ad’ihan and fourth for Daehanjeiguk).

For the World Cup Finals, the draw will not be randomised; i.e. the first seeds are drawn first and the fourth seeds last, and a first seed will be listed first in the group and a fourth seed listed last.

And now, the group draw.
Group A
Bazalonia (7)
Sel Appa (9)
Wentland (23)
Daehanjeiguk (25)

Group B
Capitalizt SLANI (2)
Yafor 2 (16)
The Holy Empire (20)
Kelssek (44)

Group C
Tynelia (8)
Demot (10)
Quakmybush (18)
Kura-Pelland (31)

Group D
Az-cz (6)
Northern Bettia (15)
Bostopia (19)
The Archregimancy (34)

Group E
Casari (5)
Ad’ihan (12)
Starblaydia (21)
West Starblaydia (27)

Group F
Valanora (1)
Jeruselem (11)
Cafundéu (17)
Taeshan (38)

Group G
Squornshelous (4)
Zwangzug (13)
Dancougar (22)
Vephrall (28)

Group H
Milchama (3)
Bettia (14)
JSY (24)
Qazox (26)

Groups A through D will play in Daehanjeiguk (and scores will be handled by me); Groups E through H will play in Ad’ihan (with scorination by Daehanjeiguk). Stadia to be used for each individual game will be posted in the scores thread a day prior to each scorination.

All dates are preliminary and subject to change. Times UTC.
MD1 (30/6): 1v3, 2v4
MD2 (1/7): 1v4, 3v2
MD3 (2/7): 2v1, 4v3

Second Round: 4/7
Quarterfinals: 6/7
Semifinals: 8/7
3PPO: 9/7
Final: 10/7

Peter looked at the World Cup draw. Hmm... a tough group. Not like there were any easy ones, after all. At this stage of the game, everybody on the field was quality. But what irked him was the top of the group. We'll need a result against Squorn... he thought. But I can't use the Note if nobody knows who they are! If I could just...

A knock at the door. "Yo, Pete!" Peter tossed the Suck Note into a drawer as Russ walked in. "Professor wants us to come to the lab, he says he might've found something." He noticed the screen. "Catching up on the World Cup, huh?"

Peter smiled. "Yeah, it's been hectic, so I thought I'd use the down time to check the news. Think we can make it back to the quarters?"

"Well," said Russ, finger to his chin, "faulty logic would say no. You see, Squornshelous and Vephrall both beat Newmanistan, which is the only team to beat us since the Oxen Cup. Zwangzug also beat Newmanistan, albeit in baseball, so what it boils down to is that..."

"Four points, man," said Peter, holding up his hand, and then pulling back the thumb when he realized he hadn't counted properly. "If we get that, I'd say we're in good shape. Though five would be awesome. We definitely don't want to be blanked in the first round after ten games unbeaten. Twelve with the friendlies."

Russ only sighed. "Stranger things have happened," he said. "This is a real test for the Wings, now..."

Later, Professor von Steuben heard the rap at the door as the two boys entered. He had been watching footage of the fixing incidents intently for the past several hours. He hadn't slept much, so he looked fairly ragged. Dark circles under drooping eyes, frazzled hair, and he sat scrunched up in his chair with a cup of tea into which he dropped sugar cube after sugar cube. Russ and Peter exchanged nervous glances.

"Man, you look like you pulled one hell of an all-nighter," said Peter.

"Ah, you are here!" said von Steuben. "I vanted to talk aboot ze Yuki kesses." He turned back to the screens. "Es you know, ve heff been unebble to determeen vesser ze fixinks are ze result oof netural or supernetural causes."

"Ugh, we've been over this, professor!" cried Russ.

"Jest vatch ze tepp," replied von Steuben. He rolled the footage. "Ve heff looked at zis tepps before, yah?"

"Yes, and I can tell you exactly what's about to happen in everyone of them," replied Russ. "Guys are going to start doing stupid junk."

"Zen you also know vitch vuns are from ze semm gemm," von Steuben continued.

"Right, I see them as clearly as I saw them yesterday, and the day before, and the day before," said Russ. "Look, I don't see what..."

"Dude, aren't they all looking in the same direction right before they blow it?" asked Peter. Von Steuben smiled knowingly. Russ looked at his friend and then turned back to the screens, which von Steuben had frozen. Sure enough, in the screens which showed different parts of the same game, the players in question were staring at the same thing, somewhere off screen. "Then they're probably looking for a signal, or..."

"Or, vat?" asked von Steuben. "Eisser ze players are goot et ze coverink oop, or... heepnosees? Somesing zat reqvires eye contect."

This revelation, if it turned out to be right, both elated and worried Peter at the same time. Hmm... so it's almost certainly someone with power over those they can see. It's almost complimentary to mine... I don't need to see the person, but I have to know who they are. If I could find that person, we would be unstoppable!! But... how to do that?

Elsewhere...

C sat on Stephen's bed watching the World Cup draw. It seemed rather subdued since the DDR guys from Daehanjeiguk apparently weren't in charge. "And here I was thinking I would get a show," she sighed. She turned her head to the desk where Stephen was sitting at his laptop. "I've been meaning to ask... how exactly did you get the team registered for the league? Isn't there a fee or something?"

Stephen smiled. "They didn't need to see my identification."

C laughed. "I suppose that was a silly question, now wasn't it?"

"State Athletic Department, how can I help you today, sir?"

Stephen placed a bundle of documents on the receptionist's desk. "Hello, I would like to register a team for this summer's Greater Kishin Amateur Football League."

"Black Knights... all right, let me look these over..." said the receptionist, glancing over the documents. Of course, Stephen hadn't filled everything out. She looked up. "I'm sorry, sir, but you haven't completely filled in these forms, or registered your payment with the front office."

"You should check again," Stephen replied, activating his power. His left eye glowed as he stared at the woman, who seemed frozen in time for a moment. "If you look closely, you'll see that you have everything you need. And if you'd be so kind, could you take care of the rest?"

The girl, whose eyes were slightly tinted red, nodded obediently. "My apologies, sir," she responded. "I'll have this finished for you right away..."

"So, that's great, then," C said. "The Black Knights are in. But it's, what, two games a week for twelve straight weeks. Are you sure the team can handle that?"

"I have ample reserves," answered Stephen, "and I'm sure that they'll push themselves with the proper assistance and motivation."

"And how much of that is coming from you?" asked C with a grin. "They'll only do so well without your power fixing results for them."

"I'm well aware," replied Stephen. "It's a matter or biding my time, really. But as for motivation, I can do that the old fashioned way." He held up a block of tickets to that evening's D-League game. Shuukyuu Kishin versus Grandborough FC, with the title on the line. C had no doubts that the tickets were also ill-gotten.

And so, after the scheduled practice, the team packed into a bus and rumbled down to the stadium. The night air was crisp and calm. Most of the guys weren't sure how this was supposed to be training, but it was a free game, so they weren't complaining. Karen got her first real look at Jennifer Sloan, the Jeruselem forward who had lit up the D-League in her first season. Karen focused on every touch Sloan got on the ball, and held her breath with each shot. Women can... women can play this game, too!! she thought. And then, a roar in the second half, as Sloan popped in the winning goal. With Yuki City Athletic going down to Port Royal, Kishin were D-League champions.

After the game, the team rumbled back to the park where they'd started to disperse for the night. "Man, that was incredible! You really feel the emotion of the game more, when it's a match like that."

"Yeah, man, I'd love to be able to actually feel that, on the field... that's why we gotta win, guys. With Zero as our coach, we're unstoppable, right?"

"It seems like you understand why I took you there, then," Stephen said. "Physically, you're all ready for the season. Technically, I've done what I can for now; adjustments can be made later. And now, you're ready mentally. However..." The guys were confused. What else could there be? "You must realize, though, that the people in that stadium were not cheering for the strength of Dancougar's players, who have labored long and hard to reach this point. That cheer was for Jenny Sloan, someone that Kishin purchased because they were afraid they weren't good enough!"

"That's just the business of the game, though... I mean..."

"That's why we will never be at the top," Stephen declared. "Physical. Technical. Mental. But there is one more aspect to the game that will push true champions above and beyond the final plateau. Spiritually, you must believe in the strength of Dancougar. You're all prepared to play now because you worked for it with your own sweat and sacrifice. Do you want someone to come and take that away from you? Or will you truly stand up and represent the things that make this city great?" He turned to Karen, who had just been sitting on the ground, soaking it all in. "Karen, that Sloan has set the bar very high for Dancougar's women. And some people are afraid that none can reach it. What do you say to that?"

Karen thought for a moment, and then stood up. She pumped her fist. "Then I'll believe in my power, and everyone's... and one day... I will be better!!"

The team joined her in a cheer. Under his mask, Stephen smiled. They're taking to it quite nicely...

Demot, Tynelia, Quakmybush. And goodnight.

It's one of the tightest three-way battles the World Cup is ever likely to see in qualification - Demot are fading, Tynelia are the weakest top seeds, Quakmybush are one of the strongest third seeds - but Kura-Pelland's job is no more than to be spoilers, to perhaps influence who'll be leaving early with them. Kura-Pellandi football was, frankly, never any good and never will be at this rate. At least they're here, which is a decent achievement to be frank...

Tynelia are widely tipped to sensationally go out in the Kura-Pellandi media; their ranking is seen as flattering, and most believe that they and only they can lose to Kura-Pelland. The rankings say otherwise. Frankly, so does history, as Kura-Pelland have beaten Quakmybush before, although they've lost twice to them as well.

Chigurh: How much?

Proprietor: Sixty-nine cent.

Chigurh: And the gas.

Proprietor: Y'all getting any rain up your way?

Chigurh: What way would that be?

Proprietor: I seen you was from Dallas.

Chigurh: What business is it of yours where I'm from, friendo?

Proprietor: I didn't mean nothin' by it.

Chigurh: Didn't mean nothin'.

Proprietor: I was just passin' the time. (Pause.) If you don't wanna accept that I don't know what else I can do for you.

(Pause)

Proprietor: Will there be somethin' else?

Chigurh: I don't know. Will there?

(Silence.)

Proprietor: Is somethin' wrong?

Chigurh: With what?

Proprietor: With anything?

Chigurh: Is that what you're asking me? Is there something wrong with anything?

Proprietor: Will there be anything else?

Chigurh: You already asked me that.

Proprietor: Oh...well... I need to see about closin'.

Chigurh: See about closing.

Proprietor: Yessir.

Chigurh: What time do you close?

Proprietor: Now. We close now.

Chigurh: Now is not a time. What time do you close?

Proprietor: Generally around dark. At dark.

Chigurh: (sighs) You don't know what you're talking about, do you?

Proprietor: Sir?

Chigurh: I said you don't know what you're talking about.

(Pause.)

Chigurh: What time do you go to bed?

Proprietor: Sir?

Chigurh: You're a bit deaf, aren't you? I said what time do you go to bed?

Proprietor: Erm. Somewhere around nine thirty. I'd say around nine thirty.

Chigurh: I could come back then.

Proprietor: Why would you be comin' back? We'll be closed.

Chigurh: You said that.

(Pause.)

Proprietor: Well... I got to close now -

Chigurh: You live in that house out back?

Proprietor: Yes I do.

Chigurh: You lived here all your life?

Proprietor: This was my wife's father's place. Originally.

Chigurh: (coughs) You married into it.

Proprietor: We lived in Temple, Texas, for many years...raised a family there. In Temple. We come out here about four years ago.

Chigurh: You married into it.

Proprietor: If that's the way you wanna put it.

Chigurh: I don't have some way to put it. That's the way it is.

(Puts a crinkled packet of cashews on the counter.)

Chigurh: What's the lost you've ever lost on a coin toss?

Proprietor: Sir?

Chigurh: The most. You ever lost. On a coin toss.

Proprietor: I don't know. I couldn't say.

(Chigurh pulls out a World Cup Second Seed coin and tosses it. He slams it on the counter.)

Chigurh: Call it.

Proprietor: Call it?

Chigurh: Yes.

Proprietor: For what?

Chigurh: Just call it.

Proprietor: Well...we need to know what we're callin' it for here.

Chigurh: You need to call it. I can't call it for you. It wouldn't be fair.

Proprietor: I didn't put nothin' up.

Chigurh: Yes. You did. You been putting it up your whole life. You just didn't know it. You know what date is on this coin?

Proprietor: No.

Chigurh: World Cup Forty-One. It's been travelling twenty-two years to get here. And now it's here. And it's either Sel Appa or Demot, and you have to say. Call it.

(Long pause.)

Proprietor: Look... I need to know what I stand to win.

Chigurh: Everything.

Proprietor: How's that?

Chigurh: You stand to win everything. Call it.

Proprietor: All right. (swallows) Sel Appa then.

(Chigurh uncovers the coin to look at it. It is indeed on the Group A side.)

Chigurh (smiling): Well done.

(Chigurh hands it across.)

Chigurh: Don't put it in your pocket.

Proprietor: Sir?

Chigurh: Don't put it in your pocket. It's your lucky second seed coin.

Proprietor: Where you want me to put it?

Chigurh: Anywhere not in your pocket. Or it'll get mixed in with the others and become just a coin.

(Pause)

Chigurh: Which it is.

(Chigurh leaves.)