NationStates Jolt Archive

World Cup 41
Coupe du Monde 41|世界足球高颇41|세계축구고파41|Copa Mundial 41

http://i159.photobucket.com/albums/t156/daehanjeiguk/WC41.png

RP thread

Qualifying groups (roster links thanks to Zwangzug):
Group 1
Rennidan (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13724472&postcount=9) (66)
Bazalonia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13724763&postcount=14) (7)
Tokyoni (124)
Wentland (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13743358&postcount=42) (21)
Kirrin Island (UNR)
Prux (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13726787&postcount=20) (38)

Group 2
Bettia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13729826&postcount=29) (15)
Kura-Pelland (32)
Jariss (49)
Fujisawan Territories (58)
Vonks (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13730224&postcount=31) (133)
Dennisov (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13757423&postcount=52) (UNR)

Group 3
Az-cz (5)
Free Krytenian Rebels (Krytenia) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13753254&postcount=47) (UNR)
Green Wombat (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13726774&postcount=19) (39)
Blouman Empire (56)
Ofedestan (133)
Dancougar (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13748964&postcount=43) (30)

Group 4
Quakmybush (17)
Septentrionia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13724273&postcount=7) (50)
Dariusville (107)
The Macabees (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13725420&postcount=17) (UNR)
Gweridijongya (68)
Sel Appa (8)

Group 5
Nehrland (124)
SouthSuburbia (161)
Cafundéu (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13751348&postcount=44) (14)
Northern Bettia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13729883&postcount=30) (18)
Frontenax (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13732212&postcount=34) (93)
Lovisa (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13733422&postcount=36) (35)

Group 6
Hryvinia (151)
Jeru FC (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13724596&postcount=13) (40)
Kosovoe (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13723843&postcount=4) (90)
Casari (6)
Alversia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13724475&postcount=10) (128)
West Starblaydia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13753252&postcount=46) (31)

Group 7
Zwangzug (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13725725&postcount=18) (10)
Orion Star Empire (Steel Butterfly (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13723297&postcount=2)) (97)
Qazox (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13723928&postcount=6) (24)
Fmjphoenix (UNR)
Acapais (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13728516&postcount=25) (47)
Aleos (64)

Group 8
The Islands of Qutar (73)
Demot (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13728582&postcount=26) (13)
Kenavt (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13733253&postcount=35) (158)
Kiryu-shi (52)
Kansiov (108)
UCS–JSY (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13753612&postcount=49) (25) (nation info (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13753607&postcount=48))

Group 9
Arroza (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13725287&postcount=15) (89)
Yafor 2 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13731789&postcount=33) (16)
Unified Beretania (124)
Yafalonia and Bazor 2 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13737067&postcount=39) (34)
The Indonesian states (UNR)
Kelssek (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13739910&postcount=41) (48)

Group 10
Jeruselem (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13724592&postcount=12) (12)
Lithima (102)
Nethertopia (77)
Sorthern Northland (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13758117&postcount=54) (33)
Taeshan (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13723539&postcount=3) (44)
Corivia (UNR)

Group 11
Naggetski (133)
Bearbears (142)
Milchama (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13735761&postcount=38) (3)
The Holy Empire (Alasdair I Frosticus) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13731164&postcount=32) (19)
Kereca (72)
The Pazhujeb Islands (41)

Group 12
Starblaydia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13727727&postcount=23) (22)
Nire and Nire (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13727217&postcount=22) (46)
Ma Raque (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13729115&postcount=27) (114)
Pablicosta (137)
Magnus Valerius (54)
Tynelia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13737414&postcount=40) (9)

Group 13
Kose and The Turkomans (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13724482&postcount=11) (53)
Squornshelous (4)
Vephrall (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13729298&postcount=28) (26)
United Hetzel (118)
Newmanistan (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13726990&postcount=21) (51)
Hockey Canada (UNR)

Group 14
Valanora (Elves Security Forces) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13724301&postcount=8) (1)
Zarbli (114)
Candelaria And Marquez (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13735057&postcount=37) (27)
Kolanderaz (76)
Algal states (161)
The Archregimancy (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13728191&postcount=24) (36)

Group 15
KaMaRi (42)
Bostopia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13725326&postcount=16) (20)
Universitus University (Jey) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13723912&postcount=5) (UNR)
Terreiro de Ogum (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13751388&postcount=45) (70)
Capitalizt SLANI (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13753611&postcount=50) (2) (nation info (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13753607&postcount=48))
SFRS (133)

Hosts
Ad’ihan (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13757702&postcount=53)
Daehanjeiguk (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13756362&postcount=51)

Schedule (times GMT):
Tuesday 10: Pre-qualifying friendlies
Thursday 12: MD1: 1v6, 2v5, 3v4
Friday 13: MD2: 5v1, 4v2, 6v3
[swap]
Saturday 14: MD3: 1v4, 2v3, 5v6
Sunday 15: MD4: 3v1, 6v2, 4v5
Monday 16: MD5: 1v2, 3v5, 4v6
Tuesday 17: Mid-qualifying friendlies
[swap]
Thursday 19: MD6 (MD1 reversed)
Friday 20: MD7
Saturday 21: MD8
[swap]
Sunday 22: MD9
Monday 23: MD10
Tuesday 24: Post-qualifying friendlies

The top two teams from each group qualify directly for the World Cup finals.

Helpful links:
World Cup 41 signups (closed) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=554057)
World Cup 41 squad list/roster thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=557667)
World Cup 41 scores thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=558492)
World Cup 41 referee thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=558467)
Baptism of Fire 28 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=556941)
World Cup Discussion Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=536285)

There's nothing certain in a man's life except this: that he must lose it...

Ryan Malkoa stood silently by the marble slab, the only reminder of what lay below the slight bump in the earth. Six feet, two inches below his freshly polished shoes lay the casket of his old boss, Mister Ronnan. The ex-manager of Rennidan's national team had passed away shortly after the Cup of Harmony finals, and it was only now, right before the World Cup proper was to start, that the Rennidan Association Football Authority had announced that the nations ex-wonder boy, the man with golden gloves, who was cut down in the prime of his career, was to take over.

A soft wind rippled the jacket of Malkoa as his eyes wandered about the marble carving. It was a simple memorial for such a grand man, but a memorial none the less. Besides, right now, the memory was all they had of the poor old bloke.

From my rotting body, flowers shall grow and I am in them and that is eternity

Malkoa sighed, his hands sliding into his pockets as his head turned skywards. It was a grey day in Rennidan's Outer-District, a small pocket of the nation which developed outside of the looming walls which kept the others so restricted. Ronnan had been born here, and Malkoa had always supposed his genius came from being born away from the stifling nature of education from within the walls.

He couldn't quite believe that he had actually agreed to take over from Ronnan. It felt like treachery of the highest degree. But then again, you couldn't say he hadn't thought about it enough. He had left plenty of time between death and deadline before making his decision. He had taken off in the middle of the night to travel the world, his own personal pilgrimage for an answer on what to do.

Even at our birth, death does but stand aside a little. And every day he looks towards us and muses somewhat to himself whether that day or the next he will draw nigh.

Yet, in the end, all roads pointed to him taking the job. Sure, it was a big role to step into, but surely he was suited for it? He had been on that pitch with the guys he'd be looking after, he was already part of that family, he already had that respect.

Surely, this role was perfect for him?

But with an entire nation breathing down your neck for you to do a heck of a lot better than last year...

Well, perfection is always such a fickle business.
__________________________

The Eagles Nest, Rennidan -

It was a technique they'd employed a few times. The loud, droning bass kept the team alert and in time. Each step was to that pacing beat, each step was in time with each other, each step took them one moment closer to scoring a goal.

Allison Debanon stood in by the railings; clipboard rested against her forearm and chewed pencil in hand scribbling away at her notes about the team’s performance. Jo was getting a hell of a lot better, Desono needed to wake up, and Balos needed to stop trying to catch a peak up her damned skirt.

They weren't the motley crew of unknown footballers from last year, oh no. Whilst they bombed the World Cup, they sure as heck made sure the Cup of Harmony spread their nation's reputation as apt football players. But now was the hard bit. They had been training almost non-stop for a year now, getting pumped and ready for the forty-first World Cup.

Debanon just hoped the lads wouldn't get too carried away.

OSN Nightly Report
Roster Changes for Orion Announced
By WILLIAM DRAKE
Sports - Page 9

In the wake of the Fenrirs’ entrance into the Baptism of Fire playoffs, roster changes are expected to fill noticeable gaps and replace unruly teammates. Interestingly enough, most noticeable is the departure of backup forwards Jemerson Crouse and Mitchell Halmi.

Jemerson was notorious during Baptism of Fire group qualifying for constantly complaining about both playing time and his overall role on the team, and was subsequently released before the first playoff game. Halmi, as well, told the press today that while he would finish out the Baptism of Fire, he would not be joining the Fenrirs in World Cup group qualifying.

Also leaving international competition is now-backup keeper Artur Boruc, who performed poorly during the Oxen Cup. He was replaced towards the end of that cup by now-starter Bogdan Shust, who is playing like a man possessed in the Baptism of Fire, only giving up 4 goals in 5 games, including 3 shutouts.

Joining the Orion team will be strikers James Axel and Stavros Karnoupakis as well as keeper Nico Rossetto. Axel, a younger player with a lot of speed and potential, is perhaps the most exciting addition for the Fenrirs.

“...the missing ducks are a major concern for parents of children holding bags of bread, and the Police have assured us that they are quacking on with enquiries.

In sports news, there has been controversy over the kits being used for World Cup 41 qualification. Prior to the home game against the unified Outer Bostopia team, half of the Bostopian squad came out onto the pitch in the Kisington-made red and white striped jerseys, whereas the other half of the team ran out in the full-red strip with white 'swirls' made by Starblaydia's 'ediraf'. The F.A. has is yet to release an official comment, though an employee who wishes to remain unnamed tells us that there was indeed an order made for the ediraf kits, but no-one in a high enough position wanted to take responsibility for the potential loss of Bostopian jobs.”

Harry turned the television off, switching his thoughts to the upcoming celebrations marking Casari's entering of the Bostopian Empire.

“Empire,” he thought, staring at the map on his wall, “hardly a Empire. The Casarans have all that power, none of it is where it should be, with us. Times are changing.”

Harry stood up, staring himself down in the mirror, his uniform creased but new. He marched out of the basement of his home, then out onto the street, the sunset glowing as brightly as his plans.

Bright. Very bright.

He blinked, squinting against the onslaught of light reaching his retina. He tilted his head back and slightly to the side, but that was no help. He held up his left hand, hoping to shield his eyes, but all he could see was a blurred, incandescent outline of his hand. It burned his eyes, really, as intense natural light so often did when one wakes up. He felt like he'd been asleep for years.

What was confusing him, though, was his own hand. One is supposed to know things as well as 'the back of your hand', but this one looked different. Bright light there may be, but that wasn't the hand he'd seen before he last closed his eyes. His hands hand been balled into fists, save the index fingers, moving up and down in front of him slowly.

Typing. He'd been typing before he last closed his eyes. He blinked, a brief respite from the complaints his optic nerves were giving him, before blinding himself once again. But it wasn't just the sunlight gleaming on his face that was troubling his senses, it was the glint of gold. Domes and spires and so much more, reflecting in the sun. Who the hell puts gold on buildings any more?

Finally, it came to him. He realised why he was there, how he'd got there; he remembered the plan he'd made because of what he'd wanted. The cool breeze on his face, the sounds of the waves lapping at the shore behind him. That's when he realised he could see it. The city in front of him, the high mountains shrouded in cloud at their tips and the figure he now saw before him. He stepped forward with a long stride, his back straighter than when he last remembered. The figure in front of him was one he remembered well, a friend of many years past, who looked exactly the same as when he'd first seen him - a neat trick, he'd always thought.

"Hello Juan," he said, extending the fresh, youthful hands he'd originally had many years before. Juan Tzimisces returned the greeting.

"Hello Simeone."

Nikki:
Hello! This is Nikki Seabourne for JGN! I'm at the first screening of a comedy called "The Loser". A movie about the Jeruselem worst ever goalkeeper. Loosely based on a story of real life person. I'm with the stars of this movie. Jake Hockers plays the goalkeeper Finn Fumbles while Princess Marie Antoinette plays Dazza Dallas. Also with us is Hikfie Dallas who's the dopey cleaner.

Jake: Hello everyone.
Marie: The bike is here!
Hikfie: Hello!

Nikki:
Jake, you're playing a comical version of Finn Fumbles who is actually Marie's real father. He wasn't that bad a goalkeeper at all. You are playing the husband of Dazza Dallas and father Marie here. Was there any pressure not to make Finn look stupid?

Jake:
Well, no. This was a comedy so anything we did would have been just for this movie and not based on real life. I've actually met Finn Fumbles and he's not the idiot I portray. He's not the most communicative person but he's no dill. I mean, look at his wife.

Nikki:
Marie, you play your mother. Was it a challenge?

Marie:
Actually, my mother is crazier than the movie shows. So no, I'm like Mum and playing Mum wasn't really hard.

Nikki:
Jake, there's bit of nudity in this movie - mostly on the female side. Was it hard to work with Marie running around naked in some scenes?

Jake:
Yes, I come from a family where nudity like that was evil. I had to adjust to the idea quickly. Actually, the real Finn had to do the same too in real life.

Nikki:
Marie, you're not a professional actress but you seemed quite at home in your first movie.

Marie:
Everyone knows my mother has pretty good at acting on the football field, so acting is not a hard thing for us. At first it was bit hard for me when I started - you know fumbling lines and giggling too much but I got used to it.

Nikki:
Jake - do you enjoy working with Marie? We all know she can be a bit tempermental at times and prone to being a pain.

Jake:
Actually, she wasn't too bad. She was a bit testy when she had a toothache but on the whole she was pretty sweet.

Nikki:
OK, you do realise you had some naughty happenings in the movie with Marie here. Was it exciting to get your hands on a Princess?

Jake:
Not really, she's just girl like any other. OK, a very naughty nympho but still just a girl.

Marie:
He's just being modest like my Dad. I'm sure he liked getting his hands on me. I don't mind. I mean Dad doesn't brag about knocking up Mum. Well, that's why I'm here in first place.

Nikki:
Hikfie, you play the dopey cleaner. She's quite a funny character.

Hikfie:
Really? Thanks. I didn't try to be funny, I was myself. My husband says I'm weird and silly which is why he loves me. My kids think I'm dumb.

Nikki: Jake, what's your football skills like?

Jake:
Shocking! I guess that was perfect for playing this role. Marie on the other hand is just amazing. I learnt a lot about football from her. I'll never be a goalkeeper for real but facing Marie is hard thing.

Marie: This guy will never make the Jeruselem team.

Jake:
Football was lot hard than I thought. Some of the actors needed stunt doubles when they played football but Marie didn't need one at all. If Dazza Dallas was the same age as Marie, she'd play football just the same.

Nikki:
So what did Finn and Dazza think about the movie? It was based on their relationship.

Jake: Dazza was quite amused but Finn realised close it was to real life.
Nikki: So this movie is quite close to the reality despite being a comedy?
Jake: In some ways, yes. I think Marie playing her Mum made seem quite real.
Marie: Call me Dazza! Hehe!

Nikki: Jake, you have a girlfriend?
Jake: Yes, although she's keeping at eye on Marie here. She doesn't trust Marie's intentions - sexually.
Marie: She's just jealous of me. Hehe!
Jake: It's hard to resist tempation sometimes but I manage - just.

The WCHC (World Cup Hosting Committee) would like to acknowledge the corporate support of our sponsors. If your company has been not been acknowledged on this list, please let us know ASAP (as soon as possible/practical/probable/pie):

LIST TO BE COMPILED

ADIHAN Sponsors:
<SOME IDIOT LOST THE PAPERS>

HAN Sponsors:
Daewu Heavy Industries - Transportation
http://i159.photobucket.com/albums/t156/daehanjeiguk/daewoo.png

Daehan Airlines - Airlines, Transportation
<<BANNER NOT AVAILABLE YET>>

Samseong Electronics - Electronics and Data Systems
http://i159.photobucket.com/albums/t156/daehanjeiguk/samsung.png

Seongyeong Energy - Energy
http://i159.photobucket.com/albums/t156/daehanjeiguk/SG.png

Taegwang Outfitters - Outfitters
<<BANNER NOT AVAILABLE YET>>

Hanhwa Chemical Company - Chemicals
http://i159.photobucket.com/albums/t156/daehanjeiguk/Hanwha.jpg

FOREIGN Sponsors:

Cafundeu
Banco Econômico - Finances
http://img145.imageshack.us/img145/1893/econbankdg6.png

Globo Multimedia - Multimedia Distributor
http://img225.imageshack.us/img225/7831/135pxlogoglobomq3.png

Cacete Security - Security Systems
http://img145.imageshack.us/img145/1194/37493523vt3.png

Canabrava Cachaça - Cachaça drinkS
http://img145.imageshack.us/img145/7311/cachaaal5.jpg

Velog - Automobiles
http://img145.imageshack.us/img145/9294/13148347pn5.png

Agora Saúde - Healthcare
http://img47.imageshack.us/img47/5971/98239020uf3.png

Ignição - Energy
http://img225.imageshack.us/img225/3238/16798038pq3.png

Jeruselem

Dallas Enterprises - Training Gear
http://img341.imageshack.us/img341/170/dallasmo5.jpg

Key:
Official Sponsor
Affiliated Sponsor
Minor Sponsor

NOTE: Number of Sponsor Logos limited to 10 on Jolt - once all "official" sponsors have been compiled, I'll make a mega-sponsor platform with all major and supporting sponsors on a banner for all posterity to enjoy :D

Another day, another dollar. I wish! Peter stared out the window of the reception area where he sat. The ground-floor view offered him little aside from the parking lot pavement and bushes along the building wall. He was more concerned with the outcome of this interview. Russ was also out trying to seek his fortune. This time... this time for sure... they would get jobs, and then they'd be able to quit doing odd jobs for the professor.

So many times before they'd tried and failed. For some reason, nobody in the country was looking for a business major who could program robotic chickens, stage elaborate motorcycle jumps, and track down terrorists targeting football friendlies. It was starting to feel like somebody was out there making their lives miserable as part of some boorish entertainment. Like a bad fanfiction, except without the lemony zest.

The recruiting officer came out to deliver the bad news. Peter feigned politeness and left the building. He made his way to his car - a beat up hulk of lame - when he spied something on the ground out of the corner of his eye. He'd almost missed it, since it was as black as the pavement it sat on. But what caught him was the scrawled white lettering on the top. He bent down to have a look.

SUCK NOTE.

Peter chucked to himself as he picked it up. Suck Note... a notebook of sucking? he thought. He opened the pages. There appeared to be instructions scribbled on the inside cover. He read over them as he got into his car.

1. The player whose name is written in this note shall suck.
2. The note shall not take effect unless the writer has the player's face in mind when writing the name, so players sharing the same name are not affected.
3. If the method of sucking is written within 40 seconds of the name, it will happen.
4. If the method of sucking is not specified, the player will simply misplay the ball.
5. After writing the method of sucking, further details should be written in the next 6 minutes and 40 seconds.

"This is pretty elaborate, for a prank," said Peter to no one in particular, tossing the book on the passenger's seat. "But this might be fun for venting anger! Qualifiers are almost here..."

Jeruselem Government News

Dallas Enterprises to sponsor World Cup 41

Debbie Dallas, CEO of Dallas Enterprises, announced the company are planning to be sponsors of the upcoming World Cup 41.

Of course, the Dallas influence does not stop there. Sadie Dallas, the grand-daughter of Debbie is Captain of Jeru FC. There are two Dallas kids in the Jeruselem World team, Geovanni and Fiskin as welll as Dazza Dallas as Technical Manager. Razzle Dazzle (a Dallas company) provides the team's training gear. And the team's home Stadium is Dazza Dallas Stadium.

Look out for this logo
http://img341.imageshack.us/img341/170/dallasmo5.jpg

<Somewhere in the northern mountains of Qazox...>

The General sat awaiting the reply to the message he sent over 3 hours ago. Even with a complete telecomm blackout, no thanks to the President and his increasingly stricter rules and legislation that still somehow passed through the Senate and House of Commons; ther was ways to send primative radio or telegraph messages out to others he needed to be in contact with. Hopefully this mysterious person within the highest levels of the government itself could help him launch the coup this country desperately needed.

"General." His aide, Colonel Genkins interuppted his thoughts. "Sir, the source says: Project Green is ready to go on his end."

General Pablo Green smiled and replied. "Genkins, reply: Victory is life."

THE ROCKET REPORT

ROSTER DISCUSSIONS

Pocono City, Newmanistan- Recently, the Empire announced its official World Cup 41 roster, and while there were not many surprises, there did appear to be some tough decisions for Brian Carson, who returns as the head coach. In addition, the latest rankings show the Empire in the 48th spot. While its obvious that more work needs to be done, that’s a pretty nice position to be in after just one qualification effort. Clint Peterson sat down with the coach to discuss these and other topics as we get closer to the official group draw being named for this prestigious event.

CP: Good morning, I’m here with Brian Carson, the manager of the Rockets as the team has begun to get into gear for World Cup 41. Hello, Brian.

BC: Good morning Clint.

CP: I guess I have to say congratulations on being retained as manager. Even though the decision was obvious for the NFA, in this day and age, managers can get sacked for taking their team to a champions league final and losing in a penalty shootout, so you can’t take anything for granted.

BC: That can be true, thankfully the NFA is not like that!

CP: What are the reasonable expectations for Newmanistan in this Cup?

BC: Well Clint, we are aiming to qualify. It’s not an expectation, but it is a goal. We were close last year, and I feel we are only getting better.

CP: The Rockets are now ranked 48th in the world, so that goes along with what your saying.

BC: It does, but as you get closer to the top, it will get a lot tougher to pass people. Ideally, we’d like to get in the top 32. The sooner the better, but every nation in the World Cup has that aspiration of getting there, or staying there.

CP: Have you been following the Baptism of Fire?

BC: Absolutely, we have a team of scouts in Daehanjeiguk, with people at every match to make sure we get a good scouting read on all these teams. Any of them could have a good run in qualifying. Look at Aleos and Abaio in the last Cup. They didn’t do anything in the Baptism of Fire, but when it came time to qualifying, they both had a good effort. We have to prepare for everyone, and this is our chance to see some of the newer nations in action.

CP: Does it feel a little weird, knowing the shoe was on the other foot with the Rockets in the Baptism of Fire last Cup?

BC: To a point, it does. I think it will help us, because we know that while we have come a long way, we were there one Cup ago. In our Baptism of Fire, we saw all the other scouts from the other nations, so now that we’re doing the same thing and watching them, it is a new twist.

CP: Would you like to remind people that you predicted Arroza to win before it even started?

BC: You just did. (Laughs). Several teams look good, but I still like Arroza. The Orion Star Empire also looks very good, and we kind of saw it coming from those two. Frontenax, Zarbli, and even though they didn’t qualify, Vonks, has caught our attention. Dariusville, too, but for other reasons. (Laughs)

CP: The roster, from our standpoint, seems real strong. That has to pump you up.

BC: It does, I really like our team. Everybody should be saying that about their team right now though.

CP: The goalkeeping decision has got the Empire talking. Hennis over Dalton. I know given that Dalton has played for you for about a dozen years in Pocono City, that had to be a real tough one.

BC: On a personal level, yes. Kevin has given me so much, much more then I could ever have asked of him in Pocono City, and he did a fabulous job in our qualifying effort for World Cup 40, and then leading us to the Final in the Oxen Cup. But he knows he isn’t a young pup anymore. We have to go with our best option, and after talking about it with him, we both agreed that the best option is Corey Hennis.

CP: Hennis is no stranger to big interregional games though.

BC: Oh no, Corey has been our starting keeper in Di Bradini Cups 4 & 5, winning the one Cup, then leading us to the other final. In those Cups, he also played with people like Brooker, Borsinger, McAllister, and Drummond, who will also be starting. He also does a great job for the Springfield Thoroughbreds. He’s earned it.

CP: What happened to John Murphy? He was the most eye-opening omission.

BC: Well, injuries have slowed him down some. If I had one more spot, it would have been him. I’m sure he feels bad about it, I did get to talk to him, and I explained the whole deal to him.

CP: How’d he take it?

BC: With class. He’s still one of the best players in the Empire. I’m excited about the McAllister, Lewis, and Drummond attack though. He was disappointed, but I would have been disappointed if he wasn’t.

CP: How about the decision to start Alex Parnett, and have Chris Peterson be a sub?

BC: That was a tough one too. Alex has really come a long way, and is deserving of the spot. Peterson gives us a very versatile sub, so in weighing out the pros and cons, I opted to go in that direction.

CP: That would be all the time we have for now. Thanks Brian.

BC: Thank you.

World Cup Glory Awaits Vonks Heroes

Vonkian Daily Newspaper reporter Gordon Bourdon spoke to the Vonkian squad as they prepare for the World Cup draw.

GB: So, the Baptism of Fire is behind us, the team has stuck together despite a few little hiccups, and I'm sure you're all looking forward to the first international games on Vonkian soil?

Adam Bradshaw: Gosh, yes, we can't wait! We'll show the world what Vonks is made of!

Ian Rice: Mainly rocks and forests, but we found a grassy bit to build the stadium on.

GB: Controversial manager Vasko Vaskoveyvanitsch has been reappointed after a failed attempt to abandon him to the Daehanjeiguk authorities. How's the relationship between manager and team?

Sigur Nilsen: I've had nightmares ever since I heard the news. I thought we were free from his tyranny forever.

Werner Borr: It's disappointing, obviously. We were hoping for the kind of manager who'd base team selections on something other than who he wants to get out of the way so he can seduce their wives and girlfriends, and who wouldn't physically assault us if we concede a goal. But we'll just have to put up with it.

GB: Xiaoshan, you've become an international celebrity of sorts after your amazing performances in Daehan. Have you let the fame go to your head?

Xiaoshan Gao: (sits motionless and silent)

GB: You can't write your answers down or anything?

Adam Bradshaw: No, he doesn't do that.

Pål Ingebritsen: Hurr, hurr, I think he's got no brain. Hey, thicky Gao, how come you've got no brain?

GB: Um, Pål, you got into a little bit of trouble during the BoF. In fact, during the final game you travelled around the various stadia, trying to find the referee you punched in the Kenavt game, intending to hit him again "just for old times' sake", but couldn't find him. It's been suggested that you're something of a liability to the team.

Pål Ingebritsen: Hurr, hurr, I don't care, I'm probably going to punch more referees next time I get to play, it's fun.

GB: "Dennis", you've got an announcement to make, I believe?

"Dennis": Yes. I'm going to have a baby, and Adrian and I are getting married on the day of the World Cup draw. We're all very happy.

GB: But you're still wearing the false beard. Are you still pretending to be a man?

"Dennis": What do you mean, pretending? I AM a man! It's not unheard-of for men to become pregnant in this day and age.

Adrian Ballantyne: By the way, don't tell Granddad about this. He doesn't approve of pre-marital sex, same-sex marriage or beards.

Hardip Singh: This is a newspaper interview, you know. We're not just sitting around talking to ourselves.

Adrian Ballantyne: That's okay, Granddad doesn't read newspapers. He doesn't approve of them, either.

GB: Roman, you recently announced to a meeting of the mothers' union that you're very keen to resume the role of number one goalkeeper. You don't think that your blindness will be a handicap?

Roman Ciano: No, not even slightly. I may be blind, but if I just wave my hands around there's a pretty good chance of me catching any balls that come my way. Wait, the mothers' union? I thought I was at the VFA!

GB: So, who are you hoping to be drawn against in the qualifiers?

Werner Borr: Some teams who are as bad as we are, preferably. If there are any such teams out there.

Richard Roland: The robot ducks. That's even better than monkeys! Ha, I wonder if we can distract them by scattering metal breadcrumbs on the pitch! Oh, ha ha ha! Ha! Robot ducks eating robot bread! Hahahahaaa! (collapses in fits of uncontrollable laughter, loudly enough to prevent any of the rest of the team's answers to be heard)

"Hello Juan," he said, extending the fresh, youthful hands he'd originally had many years before. Juan Tzimisces returned the greeting.

"Hello Simeone."

"I made it, didn't I? I reached the Dreamed Realm. I'm.... alive."

"As alive as any of us here ever are, old friend."

"And is this... real?"

"As real as you want it to be, as real as you'll ever need it to be."

"And can I leave?"

"Yes. If that's what you want. But why would you want to?"

"It's..... beautiful, Juan."

"Yes, Simeone. It's beautiful."

"And what now?"

"There'll be time enough for questions later, old friend. Walk with me as we find you somewhere to base yourself while you adjust to your new life. Our revels now are ended. These our actors, as I foretold you, were all spirits, and are melted into air, into thin air: and like the baseless fabric of this vision, the cloud-capp'd tow'rs, the gorgeous palaces, the solemn temples, the great globe itself, yea, all which it inherit, shall dissolve, and, like this insubstantial pageant faded, leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff as dreams are made on; and our little life is rounded with a sleep."

"One of yours, Juan?"

"No, regrettably enough. It's by a playwright from a minor reality somewhere. I'll show it to you sometime if you'd like."

"I think I would."

"In the meantime, have I mentioned.... I'm looking for a new general manager for the squad..."

"I can still be involved in football too?"

"Only if you want to, Simeone - only if you want to...."

The Spenson Star

Zwangzug's national football team looks ahead to a World Cup qualification campaign, hoping to progress to Ad'ihan or...Daehanjeiguk. Had you going there, didn't I?

Yes, dear reader, the first (and last) time I wrote about football was before World Cup 37's qualification began. A lot has changed since then: Miranda Chen, a teenager playing the World Cup 36 video game then, is now a professional footballer in Namiri Forest, having transferred out of Spenson Suburbia.

And Bassabook-that's right, conservative old Bassabook-have risen to prominence as essentially the only newspaper able to put together a coherent match report. And if they're the ones with up-to-the-insert appropriate dilated unit here news, where does that leave us? Intermittent commentary [subjective ranting whenever the heck this guy feels like it -ed].

Anyhow. Here's the way the team looks.

Forwards: Peter Vanderpent and Gary Maini are far and away the best strikers Zwangzug has at the moment, which should be cause for more concern than it's getting. The edge to Vanderpent if you're counting, but not by enough to be truly important next to the fact that after they retire, Jurin, Gerson, and Sharma aren't going to strike fear into anyone's hearts. [Pun intended? -ed]

Send flowers, but I honestly can't tell the difference between the overrated forward who doesn't know how to pass and Trent Gerson (who was reassigned number 34. Do we have an aversion to repeating numbers or something?). [Evidently -ed]. Isn't that going to be problematic once we hit 99? [You think the team can stay around that long? -ed]

As for Jonas Henke, if there is a reason he was included other than providing my Bassabook colleagues with creative headline material in the next Guitar Hero tribute edition, please let me know.

[Out of curiosity, have you seen the LIDYT standings? -ed]

Midfielders: Um...Yes...Evan Terwilliger must be setting up a lot of goals over in Chelmar, maybe he should have stayed in the starting eleven. [That wasn't the point. -ed] Instead, Natasha Keller [any relation to the Ultimate player? -ed] Don't know, don't care. Anyhow she'll try to refute the stereotypes that we're all unnecessarily tactical [don't you think it's funny that two of the best midfielders in the MUFN are named Keller and Cuéllar? -ed].

No.

Steven Ruck's place on the side is as inexplicable as ever (and if he comes back next cup, I'll believe the fogey conspiracy theories), Brendan Deguela's football sense is only improving, Megan Kucinich will probably find herself behind Andrew Card at least once a match...oh, Dirk Grosa. Not the Spenson representative I'd like to see in the squad (see above), not if Eddie Barnes is on the bench. With 15 groups of 6 expected, that presumably means a ten-game qualifier stage. One of Zwangzug's greatest footballers can handle that, can't he?

Defenders: Sonal Kaur was named the MUFN's defender of the season. This, presumably, means she's better than all the other defenders in the MUFN, from Michael Sheldon to Bennett Covy. So why is the latter in the starting eleven? If you want to get that Arlington defensive quality, that is not the way to do it. (Though it might be as close as this side can feasibly get...) Other than that, there is no way you can tell me he's a better player. The only difference would be his seniority. Maybe there is a fogey conspiracy.

Then again, the presence of a certain forward in the starting eleven is evidence that Doodlypants Mcgimpy is actually picking this squad. Now there's a scary thought.

Anyhow, he'd better be swapping Barnes and Grosa for the proper: knowing Covy's record in big games, he might want to switch this up too.

Natalie Instonenext continues just sort of being there, Andrew Card continues being Andrew Card and...oh, that's eleven. Not the most imposing side on the pitch.

Then again, who is?

(ooc: a continuation of the OXEN Cup postings)

<At PFA HQ>

Lawyer #1: Dammit. I swear that Gearlosse either has a guardian angel or a rabbit's foot welded up his ass.

Lawyer #2: Damn him and his assistants anyway. The idea was sound, just somehow he managed to get out of that jam.

Lawyer #1: Though the idea of us hiring Peter and Russ from Dancougar did give me an idea.

Lawyer #2: You're not going to hire them for real are you?

Lawyer #1: Of course not, what am I, our former collegues?

Lawyer #2: So what's the plan this time?

Lawyer #1: Well first off we hire a......

At a party for Jeru FC with army officials, the old Jeru FC team and the new team ... Private Nok Emdown is chatting up the team Captain Sadie Dallas.

Nok: Hey sweetie.
Sadie: Hello ... Private Nok Emdown?
Nok: Yes, I have a reputation. You're that Sadie Dallas.
Sadie: You're the guy hot with the girls.

Nok: Yes, I knock them down and and knock them up. You're pretty hot too.
Sadie: Well, I'm not pretty really. I just average.
Nok: You're just playing hard to get, you're much better than average.
Sadie: Me? I'm nothing special. I'm not even smart either.

Nok: Oh come on, you're a Dallas girl. You're special.
Sadie: I'm not special. You're better off chasing a real glamour girl like Princess Marie-Antoinette.
Nok: But she's not an army girl. I prefer my girls to be army girls.
Sadie: Still, I'm a nothing person. Just a silly woman.

Nok: Don't put yourself down Sadie. You're up there with those other Dallas girls.
Sadie: You want to knock me up tonight don't ya?
Nok: Of course, you know what I want.
Sadie: Doesn't bother me. I'm not exactly a virgin.

Nok: So we slip out tonight when they don't see us.
Sadie: I hope I'm not too drunk by then.
Nok: Don't worry, I've done this before.
Sadie: So have I but I never remember what I did.

Nok: I'll never pull girls like that Princess Marie but a girl like you would suit me fine.
Sadie: Marie is a bit more fussy about men than me.
Nok: She's a Princess. She's allowed to be fussy.
Sadie: I hope we don't get into trouble.

Nok: I don't think they'll mind.
Sadie: I don't know why you bother trying to score with an ordinary dope like me.
Nok: You're different in a good way.
Sadie: I'll never be a Dazza Dallas.

Nok: She's unique, be Sadie not Dazza.

SAYINGS OF THE DESERT FATHERS

On Hospitality

Some of the squad came to their coach Anthony, to ask him if they should braek their fast when they received foreign teams as guests during the qualifiers, to celebrate their coming regardless of whether or not they were Orthodox.

Before they asked their question, Anthony said to them "Think about what what I am going to do today." He put two seats of reeds tied in bundles, one on his left and the other on his right, and said, "Sit down." Then he went into his cell and put on rags; he came out, and walked past them, and then went in again and put on his best monastic robe.

The visitors from the squad were astonished, and asked him what it meant.

He said to them "Did you see what I did?" They said "yes." He said, "Did the rags change me for the better?" They said "no". He said "Did my good robe change me for the worse?" They said "no."

He said "So I am myself whether I wear good clothes or rags. I was not changed for better or worse because I changed my clothes. That is how we ought to be when we receive guests. It is written in the Holy Gospel, 'Render unto Caesar the things that are Caesar's, and unto God the things that are God's'. When visiting nations and their fans come we should welcome them and celebrate with them. It is when we are by ourselves that we should be sorrowful."

When they heard this, the squad were amazed that he knew what they intended to ask him, and they praised God.

“…nd safe and well near her parents’ home in Ritez, after an exhaustive search. The capybara itself has been put down.

“We’ll bring you more on that developing story later, but first to football; and the worst-kept secret in Candelariasian sport since Harry Primrose has been confirmed in the last hour, with Kris Healy unveiled as the new manager of the Big Blues.

“Healy’s arrival had been anticipated by most fans and pundits even before the vacancy was open; but certainly following the confirmation that Ozzy Stefano and Damien Sono, C&M’s co-caretaker bosses during the latter half of the most recent Cup of Harmony, would not be staying on in the role despite resurrecting a badly struggling side and leading them to the competition’s semi-finals. Lizzy Capper reports on the islands’ new number one…”

“Healy was always likely to be the name on everyone’s lips. His reputation as a saviour of struggling sides preceded him to Albrecht Turkish, with spells at Maidment SC and Candelaria Arsenal seeing him considered a knight in shining armour by both sets of supporters. He was hardly first choice for the Turkish job, a position seen as a poisoned chalice at the time, but Healy was credited with steadying the ship at a time when relegation seemed a real possibility for an aging outfit, and in his second season took them back up to third. He missed out on the title by just a point in ex-ex-vee-e… really…? wouldn’t it be more sensible if… no, alright… in CMSC 26, but finally delivered long-suffering Turkish fans a league trophy the following season, alongside reaching the Champions’ Cup semi-finals.

“His ability in coming back from seemingly hopeless positions may well have edged him the job, though that skill failed him this season just gone, when after a dire start Turkish fell just short of retaining their league title. Healy’s stock is still as high as any Candelariasian manager, but it seems like he was a far from unanimous choice – even among the CAMAFA. Reports in the Herald and Mercury respectively over the past week that Owen Jones had first approached both Javier Sanchez – the América coach – and Adam Williamson – currently at United Trilan in Kura-Pelland – have yet to be formally denied; but, in this lunchtime’s press conference, Jones was keen to stress than there was only one man for the job…”

“…Look, errr, you know… Kris here, you know, he’s our man. He was always the first name on-on-on the list, errr, we’re, we’re delighted, that-that he’s agreed to-to become our new man, at the top, and, errr, I, I, certainly, have absolutely no doubts that we’ll have many happy years with Kris at the helm…”

“Well, Jenny, Healy himself was hardly in talkative mood, telling the assembled journalists that he was delighted to take on the role, but declining to say too much about his planned squad.”

“…Obviously, I’ll be giving out the squad in the next couple of days. There’s going to be changes, you’d expect that; we are looking for the future and there will be some younger players in there. I’ve already today spoken to one or two of those who won’t be in the twenty-three to explain why, but I would stress that the door isn’t closed to anyone. If we get injuries or suspensions I’m certainly not averse to considering new call-ups…”

“And Lizzy, what did he say his ultimate goals would be?”

“Well, Jenny, he was happy to stake his job on C&M reaching the World Cup finals. The CAMAFA’s official target every two years is to make the final thirty-two, and clearly for C&M’s long-term success that’s really vital this time around. A slump from twenty-second to twenty-seventh in the world after failing to make it last time around could have been a lot worse, but the Big Blues can’t afford to drop down another pot at this stage.”

“And what about the fans outside CAMAFA HQ there? What’s everyone saying?”

“Well, I think they’re reflecting the general mood of the country, Jenny. There certainly are a few I spoke to disappointed that Javier Sanchez didn’t get the job, particularly in the difficult times in which we live today, but generally speaking the major dissenting voices came from Albrecht Turkish fans. You’ll remember that they lost Mark Baker, peacebeuponhim, to the national team some years ago, and Healy’s move really does leave them in the lurch somewhat. All of Healy’s major staff at Turkish – Gianluca Pilleddu, Mike Howell and Speed Wang – will be moving with him, leaving the club with a pretty short time before pre-season training and the first CMSC 29 games get underway to find a new boss. Donovan Alexander, the Director of Football there, claims that it’s business at usual – and by accident or design they announced today the arrival of young Niv Cohen from MN Smith for an undisclosed fee – but they’ve really got to be smarting right now.”

http://i176.photobucket.com/albums/w175/candelariaandmarquez/jenny_ducks.png

“Alright, Lizzy, thank you. Now, over two hundred residents of Melin are set to begin legal proceedings against their city council, after the unscheduled May tenth parade of ducks resulted in widespread damage and chaos on the roads as drivers and pedestrians alike attempted to avoid the birds, a large number of whom remain problematic in the Marquezian city three weeks on. Inner Melin MP Mary Davidson, of the SD&GP, has claimed that the Bostopian Lesser-Crested Mallar–”

*CLICK*

“Yes, Mr. Sock. I know, I know. Jenny Koçgündüz is a pretty girl, but she’s just the mouthpiece of the state. I mean, look at those ducks! Do they look even remotely robotic to you?”

Mr. Sock shook his head.

“Who’re they trying to kid, eh? Thousands of people in Melin have seen those ducks! They know they’re mechanical! You can’t lie to them point blank and expect them to believe that what they’ve been squidging with their cars over the last fortnight has been at all furry!”

Mr. Sock raised a button and smirked.

“Well, alright… Maybe you can. I just think they’re missing a tremendous opportunity here. If we end up playing Prux they’re going to have to explain the whole ghastly business anyway, most probably. How easy would it have been to point out that there were robotic ducks wandering all over south Marquez following last month’s ill-advised parade thereof? But nooo… It’s a complete lack of joined-up thinking, there.”

Mr. Sock nodded in sympathy.

“I mean, honestly. Just look at it. They could be playing the citizens of an interstellar empire! Or a bunch of criminals. Or one fourteen year-old boy! Or elves, or gnomes, or dwarves again. Or monks! After all these years, they might end up playing the monks! Or someone with three arms. Or a team of twelves players. Or the bloody blancmanges, God help us. Or Taeshan, which always takes some explaining… If they can’t take advantage of roboticduckgate, how’re they going to deal with bloody blancmanges!”

Mr. Sock withdrew the outer flaps of his mouth into his inner cavity. Mr. Sock did this a lot.

“You’re not really being much help are you?”

Before Mr. Sock could muster a reply, he had been forcibly separated from the arm up his arse and thrown at speed across the living room; bouncing off the lampshade and onto the wall, where he shuffled inexorably downwards and fell into the wastepaper basket with a muffled thump.

Lyndon Hernández MP, the Chair of the All-Party Parliamentary Committee on Rushmori Agricultural Subsidies in the Republic of Candelaria And Marquez House of Representatives and Acting Shadow Minister for Citizenship & Immigration, regarded the dustbin coolly for a moment before succumbing to temptation and hurrying over to see if he could repeat this feat of aerodynamic precognition a second time.

On this occasion however, the puppet missed the lampshade entirely, hit the window, and finished up nestling in a pot containing some sort of fern, if anyone’s keeping notes.

Mr. Sock really hadn’t been much help, in truth.

Little more than three weeks ago, Lyndon Hernández had had his own entry in Who’s Who. He’d been named as C&M’s seventy-fourth most eligible bachelor. He had been considered one of the rising stars of the Unionist Party, and something of a cult figure back in his home city of El din. He’d also, unbeknown to ninety nine point nine percent of his fellow citizens, been the second-most important man in the Candelarias.

And then a little something called democracy had got in the way, and he’d not been almost any of those things. He wasn’t altogether chuffed about it.

He’d tried grudging acceptance to begin with, which had worked for a few days. He was still alive, after all, which was more than could be said for three-hundred-or-so poor buggers in Albrecht. He was still an MP, which had been his overriding ambition since he was toe-high to an ifrit. And it wasn’t as though the Ministry had shut down in his absence, was it? The people of the Candelarias were still safely ignorant, and that meant that the svarts were still safe and that meant that the elves were still happy and that could only be a good thing.

Except, they weren’t as safe, were they? How could they be. Oh, the new guy seemed competent enough, Dan seemed pretty comfortable with him. But thanks to the wonders of time dilation, Hernández had had a decade in the job to hone his skills. How could someone new just be expected to pick up where he had left off, let alone in today’s climate? Let alone when, for all he knew, there might be ninja-monkey-monks around the corner.

This fact, coupled with the minor problem that his entire reason for living had been whisked from under his feet in less than seventy-two hours, had made Lyndon Hernández sad, then mad, then resigned, then mad again.

That was where Mr. Sock had come in. Hernández had dallied with the notion that maybe, under the circumstances, it was best to be mad. Mad in the proper, British sense. Stark raving bonkers. Talking to a glove puppet day and night had seemed like as good a place as any to start, and so Hernández had attempted to wrench away the pillars of his sanity like so many incisors ripped out by an angst-ridden adolescent half-faerie.

Disappointingly, he’d discovered that his grip on reality was rather stronger than he’d first thought. And so, despite the best efforts of Mr. Sock, it looked like he was going to remain fully rational and face to face with the grim, pointless future that awaited him, and perhaps the people of Candelaria And Marquez as a whole.

Derek, the pygmy elephant that lived in his bath, agreed wholeheartedly with this assessment. But what did he know?

"KMN-13, Kenavt's Main Network!" *jingle*

Welcome to The Hour with Zach Ryan. "Hi, I'm Zach, and on The Hour we bring in famous celebrities in Kenavt. I'm live with Kenavt National Football Team star Connor da Vincho, not to be confused with his brother, Andrew, Premier of Kenavt. Connor?"

"Thank you Zach. I'm glad to be here, and in the World Cup representing my country."

ZR: "Connor, always the nice guy-unlike his brother sometimes, eh?"

CV: "Well, when we were growing up, we were both kinda rough. However, he's been through a lot more than me-getting rejected from Kenavt State U., losing his first campaign for Premier... I think it's hardened him."

ZR: "Well, we all know about what happened in the Baptism of Fire-nothing. Any comments?"

CV: "I feel we just got unlucky out there-especially the game versus Vonks. We were always so close to scoring, only to have the keeper make an unbelievable save, or the defender to slide tackle away the ball. We also had some adversity, like from Vonks manager Vasko-where he pretty much insulted our team.

ZR: "What about the mood in the locker room?"

CV: "Well, we're dejected after not winning a game in Daehanjeiguk. I can't deny that. But Coach Quentin has been upbeat the whole time, and we're shaping up in practice. A win in the World Cup will help."

ZR: "About Quentin Wetygrew... there's been some reports on that he's been driving you guys too hard. Is that true?"

CV: "I wouldn't say that. He's been driving us hard all right-because we all want to win and prove our nation out to the world."

ZR: "What do you expect to do in the World Cup?"

CV: "I would think it would be to win a couple of games and get some experience. We have a couple of players on the team who are barely 20 and growing facial hair-like me. If we could just get more used to the high play of international football, we'd be fine."

ZR: "What about you-what is it like to play at the international level for the first time?"

CV: "Oh.. jeez... I dunno....... It's intoxicating, I guess. Unbelievable. You walk into some of those stadiums... and there's just so many people."

ZR: Thanks for your time.

CV: You're welcome!

ZR: Well, that's all from here. We're off to a commercial break, and then we have a famous songwriter... but who is it?"

*same jingle amid applause*

Welcome to the Kingdom of Dancougar! The nation is starting to rely less on its bountiful supply of college athletes, as the WC41 venture will, indeed, be carried out only with pros from foreign clubs and the new D-League.

When we last left them, they were slugging their way through the Oxen Cup. The team finished fourth after going unbeaten through the semifinals, and then losing two straight matches to Newmanistan and Qazox. Defense, surely a concern, but has it been addressed?

Before that, in WC40, the team qualified for the final tournament after a late run into the qualifying playoffs. They figured to be whipping boys in the first round of the final tournament, and were beaten handily by Bostopia and Capitalizt SLANI to start. But given a glimmer of hope of advancement, the team went out and played the most important game of its young history. Against Cafundeu, a team with which it had already split a pair of qualifying matches, the Wings won 4-3 to make it to the knockout stage. They got past Yafor 2 in a penalty shootout, but the overachievers ran out of luck against eventual runners-up Bazalonia.

The Black Wings now enter their third competition having established themselves as a decent mid-tier team. But can Charles DuPont take them any farther than that?

The team plays all home games at the National Stadium in Yuki City, which has a capacity of 70,000 and remains the country's largest stadium. It also serves as the home of the D-League's Yuki City Athletic and King's Eleven Yuki City. The Dancougar fans are easily identified (here, as anywhere) by the black and white "Horrible Hand-Towels" which they wave while cheering the team on.
http://www.worldstadiums.com/stadium_pictures/north_america/united_states/pennsylvania/pittsburgh_heinz1.jpg

While it is recognized that fan involvement in football matches is a part of the game, fan trouble in Newmanistan has raised eyebrows. Dancougar fans are under a closer watch after a brawl at the World Bowl in Newmanistan. The Dancougar FA has asked the government to supply additional security for matches. As a result, visiting fans are warned that any violence will result in immediate detention, no questions asked (or quarter given, depending on how grumpy the security guys are at the time) as if they were our own. Fans will be tried and punished in Dancougar unless their home government intervenes, in which case they'll be deported and barred from re-entry.

But that really won't be necessary, right? ^_^ We're going to have a clean, friendly tournament tha... okay, that's probably a lie. In any case, the Wings await their next challenge!

It's Football Tonight on BCN, Vephrall's source for the sports scoop!

FS: Good evening, everyone, I'm Filler Sartinos...

GR: ...and I'm Gests Rilin. This is Football Tonight. The top story tonight: Vephrall national team manager Parker Law has finalized his 25-man roster for World Cup 41 qualifying.

FS: This team has something of a global feel to it, with six of the eleven expected starters playing their domestic ball outside of Vephrall - Pasarap, Ponten, and Pranasik in Cafundéu; Rilin and Pinteps in what's left of Valanora; and Avilass Gackbang over in C-And-M.

GR: Yeah, but those are the only ones. The bench is all homies.

FS: So, Gests, let's hear your thoughts on the state of this team. Do you agree with Law's selections?

GR: Well, I can think of five players whose fans will probably be complaining because they weren't selected. Limpents Nore and Recasang Hetag were both part of the 40 squad. Isn't Nore just as good as Cese Maleneds? I guess really in that case it's just a matter of personal preference, but one case where I'm not completely certain of Law's instincts is with Hetag. Yes, he just turned thirty, he's a bit past his prime. But doesn't experience count for something? And don't forget, he plays for Poiki. The same Poiki that just won the league. Recasang Hetag knows how to play with other highly skilled players. Wecoisus Uambe? Well, frankly, I don't really know what he's doing at a middling Cintrin B club, but I really think the lower level of opposition he faces with Pomperae makes him a bit overrated, and I'm not fully convinced he should be the one hoping to make the journey to the Hans.

FS: Okay, that's two, what about the other three?

GR: Hang on a second, I'm getting to that. I also would've picked Lit Hesaramba over Turpres Pembace. They're about equal in skill right now, but there's an important difference. Hesaramba's twenty-seven. Pembace is thirty-three. One's on his way up, the other on his way down. Poor long-term planning by Parker Law there. One move I agree with, though, is Chezlot Mantlom being dropped. Yes, he's a very good defender, but he's thirty-five! Sorry, fans, you have to let go sometime. Though I have to admit he is one of the best Vephrallers ever to play the game, as is Einy Solivasas. And Solivasas, I know, is even harder to let go of because of the fact that not only won't he be on the national team, he isn't playing domestically in the Commonwealth either. But don't worry, we're not planning to get rid of our coverage of the Valanora league over on BCNFC any time soon. All day every Thursday.

FS: Well, I know I trust Law's selections pretty well. He obviously knows how to manage the team, given the heroics he pulled off in qualifying last time. Anyway, do you think this will finally be our chance to push our way into the knockouts?

GR: I'm not touching that question with an eleven-meter pole that got dipped in acid resulting in about two-and-three-quarters of an inch being eaten away. Get back to me at mid-qualifying when I can actually see how the team's doing.

FS: You could've just said a ten-nin...oh, never mind. Time for us to pay the bills with a few commercials. Coming up: we kick off our preview of the spring college football season with a look at the Isthmian Conference. Can preseason top-ten BTI defend their conference title? Also, the Ad'ihan league season in review along with some early MUFN highlights - hey, it's our offseason, we've gotta look abroad for news. And our stadium design aficionado Slistols Dotsmens takes a look at a stadium in Arroza slated to be used in World Cup qualifying that he says a Vephraller would feel right at home in. All that and more, ahead on Football Tonight.

Un-named Announcer: And Welcome to Radio National, today we are looking at Soccer with the first match of the World Cup Qualifiers coming up and with the unprecedented 2nd place finish in the previous world cup we look at the Bazalopes as well as expectations for the team, both in the qualifiers and in the finals in Af'ihan and Daehanjeiguk.

Un-named Announcer: Here in the studio and over the phone we have a number of guests that will help us delve into the association football world. I am Louise Douglas and welcome to Radio National.

Louise Douglas: We have in with us the BFSA vice-president, Harold Johansen, sports journalists, Nev Gould and the captain of the Bazalopes national soccer team, Ricky Yunn . We'll start with Nev. You have covered a lot of soccer tournaments throughout your career, from the initial entry of our nation onto the sporting scene to the plateau in the high ten's, low twenties and now with being a runner up. What do you expect for the upcoming qualifiers?"

Nev Gould: There is no doubt in my mind we'll be one of the most fiercely contested qualifiers seen from the Bazalopes, they need to prove that they are worthy of not only being runner up but also their 7th place in the rankings. I've always known that the 'lopes had alot of potential and skill and they've just shown this to the world.

Louise Douglas: What about you Ricky? How is the team reacting to the expectation that the media place on you, the expections of your fans and most importantly expectations from within your own team?

Ricky Yunn: For me personally it's going to be quite a challenge, we now know what we are capable of, so of course there's going to be tremendous personal pressure, we wouldn't be playing football if we didn't have a passion for it, eagerness to excel and improve, we've never acheived perfection, and I think anyone would be lying if they say there did, but really that's the only pressure that really matters. Not that the media or fans aren't important, it's part of the reason we do it and just comes part and parcel of it all, but there's just alot of trash talk in some of the tabloids and conjecture and questioning that we just can't afford to listen to if we are to perform our best.

Louise Douglas: Thank you Ricky, that brings us to Harold, Johannsen. Harold you've been a real behind the scenes figure for soccer in Bazalonia for quite some time, thank you for coming, but World Cup Qualifiers can sometimes be a Logistics nightmare, especially with transportation. How does the expectation of performance affect you?

Harold Johannsen: There's alot that needs to be organised, transport, accomodation, time for training, places to train in, getting everyone together and at peak condition so they can perform at their peak. I had been talking about this to Ricky just the other day and it's these logistics that can have just as much effect on the final result as skill, and other things.

The Albrecht Herald Online>Sport>Football
Richardson in, Caras out as Healy announces first squad

By Morgan Fattori.

New Big Blues boss Kris Healy has confirmed his debut twenty-three-man squad for the forthcoming HanHan World Cup 40 qualifying contest, a group that includes seven uncapped stars and several notable omissions.

In: With none of the new arrivals aged over twenty-five, Healy cannot be accused of not looking to the future. A spread of players from the top and bottom of the CMSC and from overseas are included, with Marquez-Onwere’s Merlin Siriwong the least controversial addition. Albrecht Turkish left-back Ciaran Kelly looks set to drop straight into the first team alongside United Trilan’s Demario Ortiz; but the midfield also receives some youthful exuberance with Arrigo Portuguese starlet Jamie González edging Albrecht FC’s Ryan Edwards to a place, alongside Jeruselem United’s Nathanial Stewart.

Alongside goalkeeper Joel Sbaïz, the list of capless wonders in completed by Casper Richardson, the twenty year-old Gamboa FC striker, who would become the youngest senior international in the Big Blues’ decade-old history were he to get on in a pre-qualifying friendly – beating José Felipe Cassumba Domingos’ record by a week and Joey Pipes’ by thirteen days.

The only survivor from the Baptism of Fire squad is Harry Primrose; who returns now fully-outed, following Ozzy Stefano’s retirement from the international game. Port of Clotaire defender Tom Redway meanwhile is back in after a high-profile falling out with former manager Lloyd Donnelly.

Out: Shane Wojciechowski age and Alex Duxbury’s horrible drop-off in form sees them removed; but the major cullings take place in the midfield where O’Sullivan Caras fails to find a recall on sentimental grounds after losing an arm during the Cup of Harmony. Fred Ma’s surprise banishment leaves the Imperial League without representation, but the number of foreign-based players in the squad remains at eight, following Rául Vélez’s move to Cafundó do Juta.

Kenan Orlovic looks set to join Lan Albret, Paolo Thorpe and – thus far – Harry Primrose among the ranks of the one-cap wonders (though for the record; Rudy Clark, Dan Davis, Joel Grillo, Rusty Katic and Reiban Okeke all received multiple caps without making a start, while Neville Bagshaw was called up to a squad without getting any playing time). Despite Orlovic’s absence, there remains no room for former captain Ben Head; with Matteo Corradini and Connor Mengucci deemed sufficient in the defensive midfield role. Gamboa winger Adlai Dobson, a favourite of Donnelly, is also missing.

Few other players strongly linked with call-ups have failed to get notice, though Rex Sandstrom and/or Leonard Pinto of Deportivo del Arapucera may be disappointed not to get back in.

Shake It All About: The one other obvious change to the squad is the number of defenders, which is cut by one to a rather thin-looking seven. The midfield, by contrast, looks overloaded – especially when one includes the younger Vélez brother in the role he plays for his Cafundelense outfit. The 4-4-2 that proved successful under Stefano and Sono looks set to be retained meanwhile, aping that of Healy’s Millermen; though captain Corradini will be played in a rather more defensive role than Hirokazu Reizei for the A.Turks, as befits the greater trials of international football. Four fifths of Turkish’s defence look likely to compose the new C&M rearguard meanwhile. Indeed, of the eligible first-team Candelariasians only Rueben Kennedy and Evan Laurie fail to make it into the C&M squad from the A.Turks’ XI.

Turkish themselves of course remain in a tizzy following their manager’s departure, with Director of Football Donovan Alexander claiming this morning that Healy had promised him that he would turn down an approach from the CAMAFA only a week earlier. The club remain without a first-team coach, with Alexander having today adopted the desperate manager of taking out advertising space in the Sunday editions of twenty-six newspapers in major (and several minor) footballing nations worldwide.

The Okey-Cokey: Alongside the squad, the CAMAFA have also confirmed a new round of new appointments and policy changes and additions. Most are fairly minor, regarding the timing of squad get-togethers and the like, though they did validate the long-expected announcement that Trevor Organ would be taking over as national under-21 coach from Jerry Huntick. Organ remains officially employed by the Hopeless SC national team, but their expected non-involvement in World Cup qualifiers frees the former Albrecht FC manager to take up other roles.

CAMAFA President Owen Jones also announced that the Estadio Francisco Álvarez in Onwere and Wallpark Road in Abiodun would host WC41 qualifiers or friendly internationals alongside the Kaleta Online Dome’s one guaranteed game, with the remainder staying in Albrecht and Arrigo. He was quick to acknowledge new security concerns however, and stressed that any intelligence suggesting that C&M home games were under threat of terrorist incidents would result in their transfer to another location in the Candelarias, or even abroad. Nearby Nethertopia would look the most likely destination in that incidence, though some insiders have suggested that one of the Lasft clubs have offered up their stadia for Candelariasian use if necessary, given the long-term relations between C&M football and both SC Lasft and América.

That’s What It’s All About: Many of this squad will be pulling on the national team shirt for the first time since drubbing the armed arm of the Jeruselemites five-nil in the Cup of Harmony third-place play-off. Others will play in C&M colours for the first time since lifting the second or third Di Bradini Cup. Others will simply be in blue for the very first time in their careers. Well, one.

The point is; even after the failures of recent years, Healy should have no trouble imbuing this squad with confidence. A heady mixture of Stefano-Sono coup veterans and bullish newcomers stands ready to take on the world. But it will be a different C&M they represent this time around; a more fearful country, less sure of its traditional place comfortably nestled in the back arse of the world, far away from the death, excitement and oddness that blights much of the rest of the world.

There will be no black armbands, no two-minute silences – the public display of our national grief has long since been laid to rest with the bodies of our dead. But Healy and his team will face plenty of challenges away from the field of play, representing a country where football is no longer the be all and end all – but where the success or failure of the Big Blues could still prove the difference between maintaining a united Candelarias, or seeing the peoples of the Republic split asunder forever.

Possibly.

“Good Morning, Bostopia, the time is 8 A.M. BEST, and 7 A.M. BWST. Our top story, last night the Isles Parliament rushed through legislation stating that this calender month was to be the annual 'The Emperor Isn't Allowed To Declare Bostopia Is At A State Of War With Anybody Month.'

This is highly controversial, at a time when the Emperor is said to be outraged that Candelaria and Marquez apparently stole the ducks from Fort Boston Park. What makes it more controversial is that the Emperor was due to speak to the Isles Parliament later, with all intentions of declaring war. The legislation of course now stops that from happening.

While no official word has come out of Fort Boston Castle yet, the Emperor is said to be particularly “narked” as he was “in bed with the missus at the time of the vote” and wasn't “going to rock out with my...” ahem... “out, down to the Isles Parliament to veto the ruddy thing.” The Emperor is now also said to be considering his options.

In other news, there has been a recent spate of attacks on immigrants in Reamontry, sparking fears that it could spread to a national level. Police chiefs in the area have vowed to crack down on the problem, and will be arresting “any foreign-looking person seen fighting back.” We can go to reporter Olivi – no, we can't, we have breaking news coming in.

After what appears to have been scares for Fort Boston State and Fort Boston City Council, both bodies have passed legislation not allowing the Emperor to declare them at war this month, stating that this enables them to “fall into line with the national Parliament.” Most other States have currently followed suit, with State Senators passing legislation on similar grounds.

Meanwhile, the Emperor's convoy has now turned round, and is now heading back to Fort Boston Castle, where an emergency meeting of the Castle and Park Ward Assembly has been called. With only one Councillor, the Emperor, representing Castle and Park Ward's three citizens – The Emperor himself, his wife the Empress and their son, Prince Jenson – it is fair to say that for the first time in history, Channel 9 News will be bringing you news so fresh it hasn't even happened yet.

Bostopia, you are waking to the news that a 14 acre area of Fort Boston, with an official population of 3 and with armed forces equivalent to some suits of armour decorating the halls, some swords and pointed twigs is about to declare war on Candelaria and Marquez – and we're hearing just has – in an Assembly meeting of the Castle and Park Ward.

We'll be back with reactions to this story after the break.

On Top Gear Jeruselem ...

Abe: For the last year, we've had only two hosts and not three since Dazza Dallas was too busy doing other things.
Garry: Yes, while it's been fun without some dirty little woman we can't do it forever as there's too much work to do.
Abe: Yes, apparently our ratings have dropped since Dazza left.
Garry: Yes, no more perverts watching our show.

Abe: But it's making us less money, so we do need another host.
Garry: The producer said it must a female.
Abe: And we can't have men dressed as females being the host either. It's not good for show to have people like that around.
Garry: So we looked around ... nothing.

Abe: So, we did an audition to find this woman!
Garry: All we found were underaged teenagers, bored housewives and crazy women who were bad drivers.
Abe: The women we really wanted were too busy making money from driving cars or weren't actually Jeruselemites.
Garry: We nearly gave up.

Abe: So, we were in our studio - thinking about how to get this person.
Garry: And then she just turned up.
Abe: First she drove to the studio in a Buggati Veron. A good sign she liked speed and lots of it.
Garry: Yes, it also means we didn't need to pay her a lot of money too. That's good too. Meaning we don't cut our pay to pay her.

Abe: She was good looking.
Garry: And she liked talking ... talking a lot. Good for this kind of show.
Abe: Yes, and best of all - we don't have introduce her to the public as some weird person they've never seen before.
Garry: OK, she's weird still.

Abe: Although it was disturbing, she stripped naked - and sat on the couch.
Garry: You're complaining?
Abe: Well, not really.
Garry: OK, who is this person? Here's a clue ... her surname starts with D.

Abe: OK, our new host is!
Garry: Princess Marie-Antonette Dallas!

<Crowd cheers as small redhead appears>

Marie: Hello Jeruselem. I'm proud to replace my mother on this show.
Abe: Yes, it also means we can borrow Marie's Veron for this show.
Garry: Abe, we have ask her first.

Marie:
No, you can't take it home Abe. OK! As usual we have an action-packed show. I investigate if these new green hybrid cars are really green or just a bunch of oversize batteries on the road. Garry tries out a new Diesel sports car. Don't laugh folks, yes a Diesel sports car. Abe drives a new Royals Royce and get treated like a Princess in the process. We couldn't find a chaffeur for Abe so I had to get mine to drive him around.

Robinson House, Albrecht


“Wmfmfmf?”

“Madam President…?”

“Arthur, don’t… I’ll come and feed you in a moment, boy.”

“Ma’am President, sir? Sorry to bother you, but there really are things we need to discuss…”

“Hm? Mm. Mm. Yes. You said. And then I fell asleep again. Um. Who are you, dear?”

“Johanna Wilbur, Mrs. President. Your Military Intelligence Liaison Officer. We met the other day, if you recall…?”

“Right, right, yes. What did, um… Did you just say that Bostopia had declared war on us…?”

“Uhm… No, ma’am. Mrs. Sir. Only about fifty-six thousand, six hundred and fifty-six square metres of it.”

“Right, right, yes. That makes things a good deal better, thank you.”

***

Parliament Building, Albrecht


President Robyn Morton drew up a seat at the centre of the cabinet table and gave Joe Melbourne a broad smile. The young Minister for Remedial Teaching shuffled nervously.

“Alright, thanks for coming so early, everyone. As it were.” She yawned. “So, Joe… Did you, or did you not, steal Fort Boston Park’s ducks?”

Melbourne blushed. “I… I cannot tell a lie, Mrs. President, sir. It was I, Joe Melbourne, that stole the ducks.”

“Really? So much for a whodunit… Joe, bearing in mind that three weeks ago we were subjected to the worst terrorist attack in our modern history, that this government has only been formally in place for barely a fortnight, and our entire region appears to be falling down around our ears, not to mention that the perpetrators of the aforementioned attack are, as far as we can tell, still at large, with a capital luh, and we’ve still got most of the big clean-up operation to oversee, and we’re expecting a bad summer, weather-wise, and we STILL HAVEN’T FINISHED REMOVING ALL THOSE BLOODY TALKING BEANS… Why exactly did your department think it would be a good idea to risk conflict with a country that could flatten us in half a day flat? I take it they could,” she added, turning to the National Security secretary, TJ Irons, “I’m no expert on Bostopia, I have to confess.”

“Oh, they’d eat us alive,” Irons told her brightly. “You know how our kids have lessons in emotional intelligence and social solidarity? Theirs’ play with guns before they’re barely out of nappies. Plus, they’ve got nukes.”

“Oh, jolly good. Joe? Talk to me, poppet.”

“The thing was, Mrs. President, I was in Fort Boston on holiday the other month, and it occurred to me the other day that their ducks just happened to have strikingly similar markings to the robotic ones that were dropped on us the other week, whilst all the other… Event were going on, and, well… The beans aren’t that much trouble any more, sir, they keep themselves pretty much to themselves, and the little oriental children have settled in nicely and the storks have flown off from whence they came, and everyone loves the big ol’ toad, but the ducks… We just haven’t been able to catch nearly enough of them, and people are starting to ask questions, all over Melin…”

Morton nodded. That was what the Ministry of Remedial Teaching was there for, after all. To provide a little extra help to those citizens of the Candelarias who still had a little trouble coping with the realities of modern life. To make sure they appreciated that however much the robotic ducks looked like robotic ducks, walked like robotic ducks, and quacked in a distinctly mechanical manner, they were still, in fact, perfectly normal ducks. Sorry, you must’ve been mistaken. Oh, I know they look like little screw-ends, but actually that’s just, um, plumage, yes. Camouflage. You see, here’s a duck. Look at his little yellow beak. Shall we put him in an enclosed space and see if he echoes, just to be sure?

“So, Joe… You thought it would be a good plan to abduct hundreds of very rare ducks from an extremely dangerous and potentially hostile country and dump them in Melin, so that people would be convinced that, in fact, there really were actual, real little ducks waddling about? As well as the obviously mechanical ones.”

“In my defence, ma’am, I haven’t been doing this very long… I mean, Hernández left me some notes, and the boys, gals and other assorted lifeforms up at the old Rational Thought offices have been really helpful, but…”

“Ooh-kaaay…” Morton sighed.

This really wasn’t her forte. Her background had been in politics, pure politics, and then the laminated nametag business for a bit, but then pure politics again. Finally, after half a century in the making, Roberta Brown-Morton was President of the Republic of Candelaria And Marquez. A leader of men, ready to guide her islands through the aftermath of the Albrecht horrors, through the re-embracement of proper capitalist values and so on and such forth. It was times like this she remembered why she’d always delegated all the ‘weird stuff’ in the past, as leader of the opposition. But it was her responsibility now. Everything was her responsibility now. She turned to the Conservative leader Tate Sayfritz, her Foreign Secretary.

“Tate, what exactly can you tell me about Bostopia? Can we smooth this over in a jiffy?”

“If you remember, Mrs. President, the Bostopians were the ones who kicked the arse, if you pardon my Nord-Brutlandese, out of Sorthern Northland the other year. I think,” he added. “If I’d known I was getting the Foreign Affairs brief earlier I might have paid a tad more attention… Anyway, it’s a pleasant little dictatorship, the kind that your predecessor used to love. Frankly I’m surprised we don’t have cosy formal relations with them already, but we don’t. Actually, we don’t have formal relations with anyone they have formal relations with. I supposed the Bettians migh–”

“Were they the ones who didn’t, obviously, that’d be silly, but actually did resurrect their Emperor a little while ago?”

“Mm. Mad as a bag of spaniels, apparently. In a nice sort of way.”

“I should point out,” Wilbur interrupted, “That it was Emperor Boston that actually declare war against us, not the state itself. Him and his wife, anyway. And several painted togs, apparently. Though the feed from their Channel 9 network might have been a bit dodgy, there…”

“Yes. You told me this earlier, and it doesn’t sound any more sensible now…”

“We don’t live in a sensible world, President.”

“No, more’s the pity. Have we not had any official declaration sent through, yet?”

“There was a telegram last night,” Sayfritz conceded thoughtfully. “It may have been about ducks. It may have been about ham and cress sandwiches though, to be honest. There were an awful lot of ‘BLOODY HELL, WOT?’s, I did notice that. I think it finished with ‘And you could shove that up your arse, and no mistake.’”

“Clearly not a mind to be trifled with,” Morton nodded. “Alright, in that case… What do we know about Fort Boston Park?”

“They have Grand Prixes, there,” Minister for Sport Nolan Parker offered doubtfully. “I seem to recall Quintin Wright didn’t even qualify for the race proper, last time around.”

“Thanks Nol, that adds a lot to the conversation.”

“We could take the castle, I reckon,” Irons said happily. “Knock out the CCTV and the ceremonial guards with a simple pre-emptive strike.”

“We’re not going to be doing a pre-emptive strike, TJ… Sorry. Maybe another time. I don’t suppose we’ve got any people over there, have we?”

“A few holidaymakers,” Sayfritz confirmed. “And a… Barry Lewis in Millington. Chip shop owner, apparently.”

“And no Bostopians in C&M?”

“The defence coach at KT Hotspur’s a former international, I think.”

“There’s a few dozen Casaran refugees,” the Minister for Citizenship & Immigration, Union Fairfax, added.

“Right, so no-one in a practical sense, then? If we’re going to talk to them, we’re going to have to go there ourselves…”

“For heaven’s sake,” the Vice-President, Carlos Obiols muttered. “Can’t we just airdrop the bloody ducks back into the park? They can fly, can’t they? One of the major attributes of birds, I seem to recall.”

“That might be seen as an act of aggression, after the whole cricket incident,” Sayfritz mused. “Besides, it’s going to be a bugger to round up these ducks, pardon my Pacitalian, never mind enter Bostopian airspace. And there’s the whole issue of training a small girl to fly an ultralight aircraft… That’s how this sort of thing is usually done, I think.”

“It’s no good, is it?” Morton sighed. “We’re going to have to go there in person, have it out with this Boston fellow once and for all. Before our press catches up on the story.”

“Madam President, there’s no way you can leave the country at this time! After everything that’s gone on…”

“It’d only be for a couple of days, Carlos. Don’t be a fusspot. We’ll just say I’ve been taken ill. Now, how are we supposed to get into Fort Boston Park without their government noticing? I can’t imagine they’d keep an official visit secret.”

“Um.”

Twenty pairs of eyes turned towards Joe Melbourne.

“If I may, ma’am… Do you own a sturdy pair of wellington boots, perchance?”

“I… What?”

“Fort Boston Park has some excellent facilities for visitors prepared to rough it, sir. What say we go camping, Madam President?”

The Emperor woke up with a very sore head. The last he remembered, he had opened the door of the Assembly Chamber within Fort Boston Castle and unfortunately, waiting to greet him on the other side of the door in a hallway was a pot, fresh from the kitchen, making acquaintance with his forehead. From the glimpse he'd gotten of the pot, it looked like a very nice pot, one that seemed more than adequate for knocking people out.

It did a good job at that.

Now, he would have gotten out of bed to go assess the damage, but for one slight major inconvenience. He was rather tied down.

“Is this the good tied down, or the bad tied down?” The Emperor wondered, while trying to prise his way out of this little scenario, his mind fairly sure it was the bad tied down. He had just declared that three people (two of whom were adults), a Castle (with swimming pool and moat, though how that would stop a howitzer he wasn't yet sure), some shops, a temporary Grand Prix Circuit, some woodland a lake, and various wildlife including some ducks were at war with Candelaria and Marquez.. Wait, there were no ducks. That was the problem.

“They've stole my damned ducks!” He yelled, rattling the chains that had him rather immobilised, and gaining the attention of his wife, or concubine, as the Hans put it.

The soft padding of his wife's footsteps was accompanied by a dragging of some sort across the corridor floor. This disturbed the Emperor somewhat. The door to their private apartment was pushed open, her feet again padded across the floor, and the dragging continued.

Their bedroom door opened. In walked the Empress, dressed in only her white silk nightgown, the bottom of which was spattered with mud, along with her calves down to her feet. In her hand was a large log, one which obviously she'd had troubled picking up, the dirt on her front making that obvious, especially the visible finger marks where she'd wiped her hands.

She walked over to the side of the bed, and knelt down next to where his head was, letting her long hair gently brush his face as he stared into her eyes.

“Good morning.” She whispered, gently stroking his head. He winced when her palm made contact with the bruising. “Aw, still sore I see?” She asked, with a tone in her voice that almost convinced him she felt remorse.

“Yes I am, darling.” He said, trying to put on his best puppy dog eyed look. “But can I ask why you have that log?”

“Well, sweetheart,” she began softly, “I went for a walk to see what we had for defense around here, seeing as we'd probably be needing it soon.” Her voice rose in anger as she spoke.

“You went for a walk dressed like that?” The words stumbled out of his mouth, while he was used to talking quickly, talking quickly while slightly surprised wasn't the norm.

“Yes, like this.” She responded, while dropping the log out of her hand, letting the end she had previously held up thud against the floor. “I hope you're not too offended.” Sarcasm was one of her stronger points.

“Oh.” He muttered, as her index finger slid down his face, leaving a line of dirt down his cheek.

There was a short silence as they stared into each others eyes, the Empress eventually closing her eyes and moving closer to kiss her husband softly on the lips. She pulled away, smiled, and brought herself up onto the bed, kneeling astride his chest.

“Think things are going to get interesting, don't you?” She whispered into his ear.

“Mmm.” Was the audible reply.

“Well, they're not!” She snarled, giving him a good knee in the balls, leading the Emperor to regret letting her watch those Casaran World Cup videos.

“Ahh ya! What's all this about?” The Emperor screamed, vainly attempting to grab his bits as a natural reaction.

“I want you to feel as vulnerable as I do when we're the only part of the country at war with a country significantly bigger than 14 acres!” She yelled.

“So... I get to go free?” He asked, more out of hope than anything else.

“Like, no!”

She smiled sweetly at him, before walking out of the room. The Emperor would have a lot of time on his hands for thinking. Perhaps declaring that three people – including a baby – were at war with Candelaria and Marquez wasn't such a good idea after all. Not that he'd admit it, he was too smart for that.

QBC WORLD CUP XLI COVERAGE

"Hello all, I'm Beck Davidham, and for the first time, QBC will be Qazox's exclusive home to the World Cup, as we finally outbid QSPN for the rights, thanks to the World Cup of Hockey, of which Qazox just won just a few weeks ago. For now only the roster is known but today the QFA has announced the venues for all home matches, and without further ado, here they are:

Champions Field, Qazox City, Capacity 84,420.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/f/f9/Sam_Boyd_Stadium.jpg/107px-Sam_Boyd_Stadium.jpg

SaxerDome, SaxerVilla; Capacity 85,000.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/8/80/Kingdome_behind_USS_Leahy_%28CG-16%29.jpg/120px-Kingdome_behind_USS_Leahy_%28CG-16%29.jpg

Chek-Via Stadium in Fromburg; Capacity: 90,000.
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/b/bc/Invesco_Field_at_Mile_High_satellite_2004.jpg/109px-Invesco_Field_at_Mile_High_satellite_2004.jpg


Qazian Memorial Stadium, Qazox City; Capacity: 98,000.
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/5/55/Neylandstadium.jpg/120px-Neylandstadium.jpg

So once again, tune into your local QBC station for all World Cup XLI coverage, for QBC Sports, I'm Beck Davidham and we'll see you soon for the qualifiers."

“Alright, so, Sherlock Holmes and Watson, right, they’re on a camping trip and they’re lying down at night, and Holmes says to Watson, ‘Watson, look up there an–”

“Shut up, Joe. Pardon my Jevian.”

“No, ‘cos, you see, Watson says, ‘I see millions and millions of stars’, right, and Holmes says, ‘Well, wha–”

“Minister, please! The President’s trying to get some sleep.”

“Thank you, Debbie,” President Robyn Morton muttered to one of the apolitical assistants who came fully-loaded upon attaining the rank of C&M’s head of state. She watched a spider play happily in the corner of her tent. “There has to be better ways of meeting the Emperor of Bostopia and politely asking him not to blow us all to high heaven in retaliation for stealing his ducks at a time when the country should really be concentrating on our belovéd international sporting events, than camping out half a mile from the castle,” she grumbled, for the benefit of those new to the storyline and wondering, like me, how on earth this nonsense is in any way connected to the World Cup.

“Oh, but none as fun, Mrs. President!” Joe Melbourne, the young Minister for Remedial Teaching exclaimed. “Come on; how long has it been since you camped out under the stars? Takes one back to nature!”

“It’s a park in Bostopia, Joe; we’re not in the middle of Errinundera…”

“Come on; tell me you’re not having fun, Madam President! After everything’s that’s happened over the past month, this is just what we needed! The open air, great company, roasting s’mores over an open flame…”

“Ha! We have a new nickname for you, Joe…”

“There’s no need for that, Tate. Come on, how about some communal singing!”

Tate Sayfritz, the Foreign Secretary, coughed authoritatively and attempted to deflect the conversation. “I’m sorry, President, but our options really are this thin. I’m absolutely certain that the Isles Parliament wouldn’t want to be seen to be disregarding the Emperor’s wishes any more than necessary by permitting us entry formally.”

“Even so, was it really necessary to bring the man from the Camping and Caravanning Club of the Candelarias? I find him a little sinister. No offence, George.”

“Oh, none taken,” George agreed, rolling over next to her.

“I’ll have you know, young lady, that the CCCC pretty much won the Civil War for us. We’d be agrarian collectivists right now if it wasn’t for them,” old Tomer Waterson, the Chief Cabinet Minister, told her sternly from three tents over.

Morton shuffled uncomfortably. “But it’s not as though we’re actually at war, is it?” she complained. “Not officially.”

“They did declare war on us, Robyn.”

“Don’t we have to declare war back, though?” she asked, hesitantly.

“I don’t think they included an RSVP…”

“Oh. Sorry. Not really up to date on how this sort of thing works.”

“I would like to point out once again,” Sayfritz sighed, “that technically it was only the district of Castle and Park that issued the statement. All three people in it. It’s a bit like Pranscke Island,” he added helpfully, in reference to the MLP target seat and smallest constituency in the House of Representatives, which had been won by the Unionists in the month previous. This comment will work well for Candelariasian readers. It’s almost satire for many parts of C&M unfamiliar with the concept.

“Yes… Has anyone got a spare cushion, by the way?” Morton asked testily.

“Ooh!” Melbourne dived into his rucksack. “I might have… Right, portable stove, flashlight, hatchet, axe, rope, saw…”

“For heaven’s sake, man, what’re you planning to do to us out here!?”

“... be with you in a minute, Tate, hang on, I’m just doing something for the President… tarpaulin, chuck box, Nethertopian oven, crampons…”

“Crampons? We’re not going mountaineering, Joe.”

“I know, Mrs. President. I just thought I’d come prepared. I’m sure it said crampons on the list.”

“Are you sure you’re not thinking of croutons? We practically lived on croutons during the Civil War.”

“I don’t think so, Tomer. These ones don’t look particularly edible…”

“…it’s not as though I’ve even got time to be here,” Morton continued mumbling. “I should be doing that talk promising more support for Candelariasians abroad… And making sure Alejandra gets in as our new WA ambassador. And we’ve got the first reading of the immigration bill next week… And I really should’ve phoned Sandy before we left, made sure he knows we’re shoulder to shoulder and all that if typhoon Horace does turn out to be that bad…”

“Henry. It’s ‘Sandy’ now, is it, Robyn?” Waterson chirruped.

“PILLOW! Found you another pillow, Mrs. President!”

The President and the Minister left their tents, and conducted the pillow exchange formally and without fuss before diving back into their shelters. Morton continued staring at the spider.

“Has anyone actually given any thought to what we’re going to actually say to his Emperorness?” she inquired quietly.

“I think honesty’s the best policy, Mrs. President,” Joe said piously.

“And we made you Minister for Remedial Teaching, why…?” She sighed. “So what, we’re just going to tell him that we stole the ducks because they looked a bit like the mechanical ducks wandering around Melin following the series of Events involving brief inter-dimensional dalliances with alternate realities which also saw singing beans, several dozen oriental infants, and a couple of tonnes of industrial-strength semen deposited on our country, and that we’re trying to make sure the people of the Candelarias don’t realise that all this weird stuff has been going on, partly because successive governments have been keeping much of the rest of the world, worlds, indeed, secret from them for decades, and partly in order to ensure that the bulk of the Candelariasians population doesn’t discover that members of other, supposedly mythical specieses are living among them, especially a rare variety of goblinny-gnomey-dwarfey things living in the sewers of Gordon Bay City at the behest of a strange and enigmatic society of elves who are possibly concerned only with their own self-interest and certainly not the emotional well-being of the Candelariasian people?”

“Mm. Could do.”

“Probably best to stop short at the goblins,” Sayfritz added.

“Aye. I’ve never really understood the goblin thing,” Waterson admitted. “I’ve still got the duck, by the way.”

“Quack.”

“I still stay we should have brought more than one duck.”

“It’s symbolic. Show’s that we accept there’s been a terrible mistake, and here’s a duck for safe-keeping.”

“We could send the rest in instalments?”

“And after six months, they could receive this charming Cayuga Duck, theirs to keep, whatever they decide?”

“Alright, Tate, we get the idea. We could all do with some sleep, couldn’t we?”

They lay in silence for a bit.

“How’re we actually going to get into the castle, by the way?” Morton mused. “I can’t really see us walking up and ringing the doorbell.”

“How do people usually enter castles, Robyn?” Waterson asked playfully.

“Oh, no, you’re not having me dress up as a woman! I’d draw the line at that,” President Morton told him firmly.

“We could scale the walls?” Melbourne suggested. “I did bring crampons…”

They lay in silence for a bit.

“Anyone know what s’mores actually are, by the way?” Morton wondered.

They lay in silence.

"Hey"

"Hi. How are you?"

"Wait this conversation is being published"

"Oh no, that's not good what happened?"

"I don't know. WAIT! Did you see the roster?"

"No why?"

"Well look"

*Hands him copy of the today's Alexandria Times-Tribune-Star-News-Post-Gazette-Chronicle-Journal-Enquirer*

"Oh no! What's going to happen?"

"What the hell were they thinking?"

"What's going to happen?"

"We're good at this sport. This isn't AOCAF! We can't screw around here"

"Damnit! Damnit! Damnit! This is bad"

"Well what do we do?"

"Let's pray to god"

"That got Praying2God nowhere. They didn't even qualify in World Cup 29."

"Well then how have they played in friendlies so far?"

"Just released yesterday. We play Collonie on Wednesday, Cadurim Athletic on the weekend and at some point we play The Holy Empire"

"Hmmm.... this could be interesting"

"Yeh but what do you think?"

"I think the banana will be a revelation in goal, Miller will still get goals and the picture of Floren Albentine will underperform"

"Wait you have actual opinions?!"

"Yes why shouldn't I?"

"Because this lineup is ridiculous"

"We've played matches on giant cheese wheels before, this is normal"

"Oh dear"

"It's going to be a long World Cup"

"Agreed"

***Closed Meeting of the World Cup Hosting Organizing Committee (WCHOC)***

WCHOC Chairman: Okay, so what's up?

WCHOC Secretary: We're on a roll! Ad'ihan's got the schedule running, and the verification for these applications seems to be on a roll. We're also getting friendly requests from all over the place.

WCHOC Treasurer: This is good how? I mean, we're still in negative figures here! We need to start selling tickets!

WCHOC Random Fellow: Exactly how? We haven't even gotten through the Qualifiers. Who will we have scheduled and when?

WCHOC Treasurer: Well, get more corporate sponsors. I don't know. The Empire didn't give us enough money.

WCHOC Butler: But didn't you go to the Appropriations Committee Session? You were supposed to appeal for more money.

WCHOC Treasurer: Wait, I thought the Chairman took care of that.

WCHOC Chairman: Wait, how'd I get stuck in here? I gave you that task.

WCHOC Treasurer: %$#^. So we've screwed up already!

WCHOC Secretary: Correction, you've screwed up already. We had the same %$#^ problem with the BoF, and somehow you managed to get re-selected for this position?

WCHOC Chairman: Well, let's calm down people. We'll figure out how to get more money. I mean, sure. We were lucky that the Monks volunteered to help out. But we're not likely to get their help, with what happened and all. I mean... monkeys, fights, and altitude sickness. That's got to be a first.

WCHOC Historian: Well, not quite...

WCHOC Random Fellow: How so?

WCHOC Historian: Well, we've had a lot of random things happen in the BoF, so considering all of the weird stuff that did happen, it was pretty tame.

WCHOC Random Fellow: Like Dallas Enterprises logo?

WCHOC Historian: Erm, not exactly. That's another story.

WCHOC Butler: But who are we kidding?

WCHOC Treasurer: Alright, that just added nothing to this conversation.

WCHOC Secretary: Would you be less critical? The Butler was just doing his job.

WCHOC Treasurer: It seems to be "start every sentence with 'But'."

WCHOC Butler: But it's my nature.

WCHOC Chairman: Well, all things settled, I think we're up for a fantastic start to the World Cup.

WCHOC Random Fellow: Are you kidding? Fort Boston Park and Country, or something like that, just declared war on Candelaria And Marquez, The Holy Empire has rapid blancmages facing off against Milchama's bananas, and I think this world is starting to fall apart all around us!

WCHOC Historian: Actually, considering years past, all that is pretty tame.

WCHOC Butler: But wouldn't you know?

WCHOC Treasurer: Shut him up or I will.

WCHOC Chairman: *hesitates* Meeting Adjourned! *leaves in a flurry*

WCHOC Butler: But you forgot your suitcase, sir!

WCHOC Random Fellow: This really is going to be fabulous.

WCHOC Secretary: I guess I'll send the transcripts of this meeting over to our counterparts in Ad'ihan...

WCHOC Treasurer: What counterparts? You remember? Some idiot lost the papers.

WCHOC Secretary: Well, someone's got to be there still...

Vonks Football News In Brief

Controversial manager Vasko Vaskoveyvanitsch has today been found not guilty of murder in the Vonkian High Court, on the grounds that his alleged victim, defender Richard Roland, is still alive. Roland, who had insisted on a charge of murder rather than a lesser offence like assault and battery, unprofessional conduct or attempted murder on the grounds that "it really, really hurt when he threw that thing at me", was described as "disappointed" with the verdict, and said he intended to appeal, despite the judge's statement that any appeal "would only further confirm that Mr Roland is still among the living".

The Vonkian Football Stadium suffered further delays to preparations for the World Cup qualifying rounds due to an infestation of moles. "It's not my fault there are molehills all over the pitch," groundsman Pertinax Pounder asserted, despite the fact that the moles are his pets and had been transported there by him so as to keep them away from his prize-winning flowerbed at home. The pitch is still hoped to be ready in time for the qualifying matches, which will take place after the Best Vonkian Flowerbed Competition has been judged.

Striker Tiriaq Okpik's igloo home was featured on popular TV show "Houses of Famous People" last week, but melted when a camerman unplugged the refrigeration system keeping the walls cold because it was making too much noise.

The pre-qualification friendlies against the Purple Knights of Taeshan and the soldiers of Jeru FC have sparked great excitement and anticipation among the people of Vonks. Here are a few comments recorded by our roving reporter Gordon Bourdon:

Oliva Oliver, Vonkian National Leader, 97: What is... foot-ball? A game of some kind?

Adam Bradshaw, footballer, 21: The Jeru goalie's name is Cuddlebugs! That's the most adorable name I've ever heard! I think I'm in love!

Brice Boggs, unemployed, 43: What's all this about inviting foreigners into the country to beat us at football? Why didn't we invite some team of one-legged blind gerbils, that way we might stand a chance!

Grace Theseus, hospital roof enlargement consultant, 39: I'm not sure I approve of Taeshan. Didn't they fight some war or something? Or am I thinking of someone else?

Reinhard Zinger, traffic warden, 62: Just look, on this street alone there are seven cars illegally parked.

Hester Hubble, witch, 83: I think we need to play a more defensive 4-4-2 formation against Taeshan and hope for a quick goal on the break while keeping it tight at the back. The game against Jeru will probably be more open and exciting, but we'll struggle to keep their young players contained. Maybe I'll cast a magic spell and turn them all into frogs. (cackles madly)

Geoffrey Chaucer, no relation, government spokesman, 28: What we need to do is restore the international reputation of Vonks in footballing circles. We're being referred to as 'the monsters' and 'balls-punching barbarians', whereas we would like to get to a situation where people are calling us 'those nice fellows from Vonks' or 'a pretty decent crowd, all in all'.

Richard Roland, defender, 22: It's an outrage! Who are they to say I'm not dead! My ribs still hurt, and I went to hospital and everything! It's a travesty of justice!

Vasko Vaskoveyvanitsch, manager, 55: I am the one who will win these friendly games for Vonks. The team? Hah, they are nothing without me. I am the only one who knows what to do, I will show them all.

Horace Junkers, vegetable saleswoman, 33: How is it that a team of blancmanges from the planet Skyron in the galaxy of Andromeda are allowed to compete in the World Cup, anyway?

The Emperor was sat at his desk, stamping the usual paperwork. Mostly it was requests from city councils for new tape measures that had been misplaced in the usual places, down sewers, down large potholes.

Occasionally there were other bits of paperwork, such as thank-you letters from the Squigg Fire Department for the letter from the Emperor congratulating them on once again rescuing Mrs. Tibbles' cat from trees whenever there was a slow news day, or a good news story was needed before Channel 9 released something that the population would rather not hear.

Coming to the end of his paperwork, the Emperor noticed an odd shadow cross his desk. He turned round to face the window, only to catch a glimpse of a crampon shoe disappear out of sight up the building. Putting it down to the knock on the head he'd received a couple days earlier, no doubt scrambling more brain cells than were usually scrambled, the Emperor got back to business.

Another shadow passed. The Emperor span round, seeing more of a leg and then the foot. Then the mental connections began.

“Only part of Bostopia is at war with Candelaria and Marquez. I'm in that part of Bostopia. Candelaria and Marquez has no military budget, and those shoes looked like they had civilian crampons. And because the rest of Bostopia isn't at war with Candelaria and Marquez, any of their civilians entering Bostopia wouldn't get stopped at the border, and then would be free to go around until they got to Castle and Park Ward which doesn't have any borders, and not much security, apart from the Castle security, so they'd easily be able to form mobs if they were looking to take retaliatory action!”

“EGADS!” The Emperor yelled. “They are the angry mob, they read the papers every day! They like who they like and hate who they hate and they're all so easily swayed!”

“'Easily swayed'? Perhaps that could come in handy.” He thought while dialling for security.

Security eventually picked up the phone.

“Good evening, Fort Boston Castle Security.” The voice said

“Hello! This is the Emperor! We're being inv-” The Emperor managed to get off half of his sentence, before being cut off.

“Unfortunately, we cannot take your call at the moment, we're watching “cricket” from Casari. Please leave your name, extension number and security problem after the beep. *Beep*”

“This is Emperor Boston, extension one-zero-nine-three, the problem I have is WE'RE BEING INVADED! Immediate help required. Thank you!” This was significantly not good.

The Emperor dashed through the rooms in his private chamber. He pulled the door onto the corridor open slightly, and stuck his head out, realising that if anyone was there, they would have shot his nose off by now at the least. Not that he had a big nose, it was fairly average sized, but being the most protruding part of him at the time, it would have made it an easier shot.

The stairs to Floor 6, (the roof, and the only level not served by the elevators) were on the north side of the castle, whereas his chambers were on the south side. To get to the roof, which is where he suspected the angry mob was, he would have to go right the way round the floor to get to the stairwell.

He stepped out into the corridor, and darted across to the middle wall, pushing his back against it. Looking to his right, Boston grabbed the pike off a suit of armour, then proceeded to sneak down the hallway, before reaching a corner and poking his head round again.

On the other side of the new hallway stretching off to his left, the door at the bottom of the stairs began to open, with foreign sounding voices on the other side being heard. The Emperor began playing “Song to the Bostopian Soldier”, the national anthem, through his head, which he often used as a personal 'fight song'.

“À L'ATTAQUE!” He yelled, charging headlong at the door, which was now open, the faces of the stunned 'invaders' clearly visible.

Just as he was about to lower his pike at full charging speed, a pot suddenly appeared out of nowhere, and the Emperor, barely having time to remark that the pot already looked slightly dented, found his head embedded in it, knocking him out cold.

"Dude, Russ, no dice!" called Peter as he walked into the apartment, tossing his suit coat and bag on the couch. "Russ?" No reply. He flipped on the light and went to the fridge, withdrawing a bottle of soda. Damn, this is going to suuuuuck, if I can't get a job soon, I... He stopped and looked at the couch. The Suck Note was protruding from his bag. Speaking of suck...

He flopped down on the couch and turned on the TV. He was looking for something to watch and happened upon an exhibition game between two regional sides. "Summer is so friggen' slow before quals," he muttered, taking a swig. He then grabbed the Suck Note and read the inside cover again. Takes effect after forty seconds, huh? He took a pen out of his bag and stared at the TV, clicking the pen rhythmically. Why was he even going to bother, and why had he picked it up in the first place?

"Samuels takes the ball on the left side, and looks for Bligh in the box... headed just wide over the bar... Well, Jim Bligh has caused some trouble for Rovers tonight, already with two goals and itching for his hat trick."

Jim Bligh... thought Peter, writing the name. Receives the ball and hoofs it on goal, wide left. He finished writing and then watched the seconds on the game clock. Twenty, twenty one, twenty two...

"Yeagers comes down with it, drops it off for Smith. And Smith is challenged right away by Hartle, but the ball bounces right back to Yeagers..."

Thirty eight, thirty nine, forty, forty one...

"And over to Walton to start the counterattack, hits it forward to Bligh, collects it at midfield and... oh dear, he launches this one hopelessly at goal! Yards off the mark, left of goal, he's got to be more patient if he wants that third..."

Peter stared at the screen, and then at what he'd written. "No way," he murmured. "That had to be coincidence... right?" He reached for the note and turned back to the screen.

"Scott Yeagers, now, brings it wide..."

Scott Yeagers, wrote Peter. Open field challenge, studs up.

"And Walton's going to bring it forward, through ball to Bligh... cut out by Frinks, who passes square to Hartle. Hartle now, looking for an open man, through ball to Chambers who has a break on the run, Yeagers comes in and FEET UP! Down goes Chambers, a blatant play on the man, not the ball, and the referee is going to reach into his pocket... STRAIGHT RED!"

The corners of Peter's mouth began to curl into a smile. He held out the note in front of him and the TV melted into the background. It's real! It's actually real! He thought back to all those wasted nights of chicken sacrifice. With this, I can create a new football world... with me as its Margaret!!!

Six people – Robyn Morton, leader of the Modern Liberal Party and President of the Republic of Candelaria And Marquez; Tomer Waterson, Chief Cabinet Minister thereof; Tate Sayfritz, Foreign Secretary thereof and leader of the Conservative Party; Joe Melbourne, Minister for Remedial Teaching thereof; Debbie Zhogo, Personal Assistant to the aforementioned President; and George Cirigliano, President of the Camping and Caravanning Club of the Candelarias – were crouched a short way north-east of the enceinte, or ‘fortified circling bit’, of Fort Boston Castle, preparing to attempt to correct a duck-based error in judgement that had resulted in a state of all-out war between the Republic and the three constituents of the Castle and Park local council ward, in the Confederate States of Bostopia.

If this sentence has ever been written by human hand before, something has gone terribly wrong with the nature of our universe.

“With respect, Mrs. President, it’s a castle. It’s not supposed to be easy to get into, that’d rather defeat the purpose.”

“Yes, thank you, Joe,” Morton muttered testily, removing a twig from her hair. She was so not an outdoor person. She was fond of nature, being a keen supporter of anti-whaling and the criminalisation of bull-fighting on Marquez; but ideally she would wish to experience the natural world from a safe distance. Walking the dogs around Roby Park usually supplied the limits of her interacting with the Candelarias’ green and pleasant land. “I’m still rather fond of Operation Doorbell,” she continued. “I know we’re still at war with him… her… him and her –”

“Don’t forget the baby.”

“Him and her and the young Prince, yes, but surely he’d listed to reason? We have the duck, after all.”

“Quack.”

“Tate, you really don’t have to do that every time someone mentions the word ‘duck’.”

President Morton was the sort of person who could walk past a field of sheep without feeling even the remotest urge to go ‘baa’. This is a worry.

“Even if they’re having second thoughts, Mrs. President,” Melbourne explained patiently, “this is still a castle. There’ll be crenellations and merlons and murder-holes and embrasures…”

“And what a back four they were. I would add, President, that this isn’t some faux-fifteenth century pile. Fort Boston Castle’s home to some of the most advanced security technology in the region…”

“Like what, Tate?”

“No idea. I’m just telling you what it says in the guidebook; you don’t expect me to contextualize it for you, do you?”

“Yes,” Morton hissed, “that’s part of your job, I do believe.”

“As it happens, my role is as head of the Foreign Office, whose role is to promote Candelariasian interests overseas. I didn’t read anything about keeping the President up to date with the schematics of foreign castles.”

Melbourne coughed awkwardly. “Without wishing to butt in on this clearly highly important conflab, are we just going to squat here ad infinitum?”

Waterson nodded. “It’s really not doing my knee any good, Robyn.”

The President stiffened her jaw. “Alright. Assuming we can hotch over this little wall, there’s a little expanse of grass before the castle proper. There must be an entrance around there somewhere… for servants, and so forth.”

“Do castle underlings generally use a back passage?” Sayfritz mused. “Pardon my insinuated Noterelenda.”

“There’s only one way to find out,” Morton said boldly, hitching up her trouser suit, climbing over the wall and readying one foot to place on the little green expanse before the castle’s north wall.

“Mrs. President!” Melbourne exclaimed, clambering over after her, “I must advise haste! This is one of the most heavily-fortified buildings in the region! We can’t just expect to waltz on in like we own the place! There might be… lasers… and things.”

“Lasers.” Morton repeated coldly. “Alright,” she sighed, “Anyone got any betters ideas?”

“Ooh.” Melbourne dived noisily into his rucksack and brought out a crouton. “Allow me,” he said, tossing the piece of sautéed bread onto the little green. Two red lights converged on the unfortunate cube, which vanished from existence in a cloud of dust, a few sparks and an unsatisfying pszzth.

“Lasers.”

“Mm. Well, that means that two of us are doomed,” Sayfritz said cheerily. “Who’s it to be? I vote for Debbie and the caravanning guy.”

“Well, obvio– No! We’re not sacrificing anyone! This is ridiculous, we shouldn’t be sloping around in someone else’s backyard just because we stole their ducks!”

“Quack,” Sayfritz agreed sympathetically. “Now’s probably not the time for recriminations, though. Perhaps it would be best if we just went back from where we came from and sorted all this out from home. We’ve got at least three weeks leeway, thanks to good ol’ the-emperor-isn’t-allowed-to-declare-Bostopia-is space-for-the-benefit-of-those-with-dodgy-computers at-a-state-of-war-with-anybody-month. We can sort this out like normal, sensible nations I’m sure, without the need t–”

“Dog!”

“Woof. What?”

“DOG!”

Sayfritz turned sharply to see an excessively large Alsatian, mouth all a-frothing, bounding towards them at full pelt. This was not a friendly dog. The six turned instinctively and stormed across the grass around the castle’s northern perimeter.

“You know…” Morton muttered breathlessly as their span around a corner, “Alsatians are usually… huff… lovely dogs if prop… erly socialised as a puppy…”

“That’s… good to know it’s… important not… huff… to be prejudiced after just… one bad… experience,” Melbourne nodded.

“I don’t… suppose that… anyone’s noticed that… pff… we haven’t been blown up?” Sayfritz wondered.

Melbourne risked glances at the small cannons arrayed around the castle walls, and the panting canine. “Neither ha… s…. the dog, though…”

“Toss it a crouton!”

“…?”

“A… crouton, Melbourne! Toss it a bloody… crouton… pardon… my Rejistanian…”

Melbourne fetched a crouton out of his pocket, watched with mild panic as several of the cannons began to converge on his position, and span around; tossing the crouton in the general direction of the German Shepherd which leapt up and caught it. Two laser beams darted out from the castle walls and hit the dog on its nose, causing it to rear up, growl menacingly and begin its chase anew at a rather faster gait.

“Toss… the whole… bloody… packet!”

“But –”

“Pardon my… huff… Diestadi…”

Melbourne shrugged and threw the packet over his shoulder.

The six turned with interest as fifty-six laser beams congregate in the general vicinity of the dog, which exploded. A bushy tail fluttered down pathetically. The six came to a halt.

“You were only supposed to blow the bloody paws off,” Sayfritz said cheerfully, one hand on the wall for breath.

“Mm. It’s probably the vegetable oil,” Melbourne mused. “They’re probably just trained to focus on the most threatening object at any given time. I did toss that first crouton pretty hard…Well, that was a close shave, eh?”

His eyes glanced helplessly towards President Morton’s five o’clock shadow, the wearer of which had slumped into a heap.

“Oh, that poor dog,” she whispered.

“Mm. We don’t seem to have a great track record with Bostopian animilia.”

“This is ridiculous,” Morton repeated. “We should be at home, providing our beleaguered people with some much-needed leadership, protecting them from mad Han… if that’s what they were,” she added quickly. “Undoing the mistakes of the last regime! Making C&M the economic success story of Rushmore once again! Not attacking other people’s pets with bread products…”

“Technically, I don’t suppose that was actually a pet. Although it does beg the question of where all the proper guards are… even the ones in helms and bascinets and so forth…” Melbourne clapped his hands together. “Anyway, not to worry! We’re here now, Mrs. President.”

“Apart from the fact that we’ve no way of entering the castle, Joe.”

“Aha! Never let it be said that I don’t think ahead.” He fished around in his pack again. “We’ve got rope, we’ve got crampons, and there’s a window just above our heads. Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”


***


“Just a suggestion, Joe…”

“Hmm?”

“I don’t mean to interrupt a man on a mission, or anything…”

“No, go ahead, Mrs. President. A fresh take on the situation would be welcomed, I’m sure!”

“Only… Wouldn’t it be better if we used the crampons to climb up the wall, rather than chucking them at the window and hoping it smashes?”

“Ha… Well. That’s why you’re in Robinson House, and no mistake, Mrs. President, ma’am!


***


“Right,” Morton said authoritatively after the six had climbed up onto the roof and dropped down into the fifth floor of Fort Boston Castle via a skylight. “Tomer, have you still got the duck?”

“Absolutely, Robyn. I think he might be a little peckish.”

“I’ve still got some croutons left,” Melbourne said hopefully.

Morton scowled. “We won’t be using croutons in formal government activities again as long as I live. It can have my ham and egg sandwiches. Right, we should split up. There don’t appear to be any guards on this floor, so I’m guessing it’s not important… George, you and Debbie stay here and… keep an eye out for… bears. Tate and Tomer take the fourth floor. We’ll take the lift down to the second and meet you in the middle. Assuming he’s in, the Emperor’s bound to be around here somewhere.”

The others nodded and rapidly went their separate ways, though not quite rapidly enough to equate for the timing differences between events described from a Candelariasian and Bostopian point of view. Meh. Chalk it up to Time Dilation.


***


“Why is it so dark down here, do you suppose?” President Morton whispered.

Melbourne shrugged. “The guards do seem to be a little on the thin side… Um, I agree it’s probably best we don’t turn the lights on or anything, but are you quite sure you know where you’re going, Mrs. President?”

“No! No… I was following you. You’re male, aren’t you? You’re supposed to have the superior sense of direction.”

“Not in this half-light… Shouldn’t we be marking where we’re going?”

“Well… Have you got a pen?”

“Only a biro… I’ve got some tomato paste in here, I think. And croutons, of course.”

“Joe…”

“There is historical precedence for trails of brea–”

“HOWZAT!”

“What was that?” Morton hissed.

“Um… Possibly a medieval Bostopian form of ‘Huzzah’?

“No-one with friendly intentions is going to go around huzzahing… Proceed with caution, Minister.”

“As you wish, Mrs. President.”


***


“Why is it so dark here, do you suppose?” Sayfritz whispered.

“I –”

“Oi! D’you have permission to wander around ‘ere?”

“Uh… Yes.”

“Oh.”

“Well sort of,” Sayfritz continued, desperately bluffing in the faces of two glassy-eyed castle underlings. “We’re on one of the official tours, but we’ve got a tad lost.”

“Oh. Tourists,” one of the underlings muttered dismissively, “They’ve started early this year, ain’t they? Um… Alright. I am a lowly servant in the royal household, note my primitive straw hat, simple tunic and hose.”

“It’s a beautiful hose,” Sayfritz nodded enthusiastically.

“Obviously I’m not actually wearing my hose, simple tunic or straw hat, as you can note from my bareheaded status. If we’d been given a little more warning they weren’t just doin’ the historical recreation days on public ‘olidays now, we’d be in costume. You’ll just ‘af to use yer imagination. It’s a poor show, innit Dave?”

“It’s bloody rubbish, Mick. Anyways, Dave here is the assistant to the second assistant (Tuesdays) to the Groom of the Stool.”

“Yes. That is right, Mick. I will be getting’ me own brush next week, after three years of loyal service. God, this script is crap. Whereas Mick here, he is the panter; him who is charged with supply of bread to the noble household, and the oversight of the pantry.

“Yuh.”

“Quack.”

Mick and Dave eyed the tourists suspiciously. “D’you have a duck under that coat, mister?”

“Quack. No! ‘Course not. It’s a little tic I have, sorry.”

“You did it without moving yer lips last time.”

“Um. I meant, it’s a little trick I have. I’ll do it again, if you like.”

“Gowon then.”

“Quack.”

“Well?”

Sayfritz nudged Waterson in the ribs, who squeezed his bag until a muffled “qk!” came out. Mick frowned.

“Are you sure you’re tourists?”

“Aaaaagh…”

Three pairs of eyes turned with interest to the elder statesman among the group, who had doubled over clutching his heart.

“Oooh, no, you’re not doing the old faking-a-heart-attack routine on me!” Dave trotted down the stairs and shouted “GUARDS!” before stopping and frowning.

“Mick… Why’s there a trail of bread down there?”

Mick rolled his eyes. “Oh no. I ‘av failed in me task as overseer of the king’s pantry and can expect a vicious retribution. I dunno, do I?! What’s tha’ red stuff?”

Sayfritz and a hobbling Waterson rushed to the top of the stairs and clocked the tomato paste. Waterson let out a howl. “Oh, Robyn! President! What has become of thee!”

Mick stuck his finger into the red mess on the wall and licked it. “If it’s blood, they’ve been ‘avin a helluva lot o’ ketchup lately,” he confirmed, before turning to Waterson and grinning. “You’re all right again, then? Just one of them transient heart attacks, eh?”

“I think it must just have been something I ate last night.”

“À L’ATTAQUE!”

“AAAAAGH!”

“Spo-o-n-n-n-g-g-g-g-g.”

Mick and Dave looked at each other. “THE EMPORER!” they screamed, storming back up the stairs and pushing past the Ministers.

Waterson and Sayfritz looked at each other, shrugged, and ran off after them.


***


“Did you hear that?”

“What, the warcry, blood-curdling scream and pulsating bonging noise, Mrs. President?”

“Yes, Joe.”

“I reckon Lawrence Conwell was just bowled for a duck, Mrs. President.”

“Don’t talk to me about ducks, Joe…”

“THE EMPORER!”

“Um. After considering the facts, Mrs. President, my new theory is that they’ve found the Emperor.

“Thank you, Joe.


***


Momentarily earlier…


“Of course, a lot of the fun has gone out of it these days,” George Cirigliano was explaining, “now that they’ve got all the mod cons. Toilets with removal tanks and so forth. Showers. No going out in the bushes now, I can tell you!”

Debbie yawned expansively. “Do you ever talk about anything other than caravans…?”

Before George had time to answer, a shriek of “À L’ATTAQUE!” and a blurred shape stormed towards them. Debbie gripped George’s arm.

“Is… is that a bear?!” she simpered.

“It might very well be,” George told her gravely. “Stand behind me, my dear, an–”

“AAAAAGH!”

“Spo-o-n-n-n-g-g-g-g-g.”

“Oh.”

George and Debbie glanced at the slumped body of the Emperor, and then up into the face of the Empress Christine.

“Hello.”

“Hi,” Debbie waved daintily. “Ooh, I like your earrings.”

“Oh, thank you. They’re Dallas, of course. Very chic. That’s beautiful eye shadow you’ve got on.”

Debbie giggled merrily. “Oh, I’m glad you like it! The President doesn’t seem to notice, but it’s good to be well turned-out, don’t you think?”

“Oh, absolutely, I –”

At that moment; Mick Dave, Waterson and Sayfritz bounded up the stairs, closely followed by Morton and Melbourne.

Debbie clapped her hands together with joy. “President!” she called out happily, “We found the Emperor!”

And it's time for the Group Draw, and we take you live to the new and improved IFA headquarters at the newly constructed Cha Beomgeun Memorial Football Stadium! With us are commentators Son Chigon and Yang Waemal!

Son: Well, it's only been a while since the BoF, but World Cup Fever has descended upon the world once more.

Yang: If you're feeling nauseous, jittery, aches, or pains, please consult your doctor about the best treatment options available. Unfortunately, World Cup Fever is incurable, but with good treatment, you can manage it well. If you have hemorrhages, hemorrhoids, or anything associated with blood, you probably have something else, and should still consult your doctor about the best treatment options available to you.

Son: Well, it's also Group Draw, and it's certainly exciting. The IFA announced that a very special announcement would be presented before the Group Draw itself. I wonder what it could be.

Yang: I'm not sure myself, but it's almost here upon us. Let's wait and see.

Son: And Count Jeong Mongjun comes to the stage again.

--- Stage ---

Jeong: Well, it's been a long time since the last World Cup, and I didn't quite imagine myself giving out the Group Draw presentation at this time, but surprises! What do you know? Anyway, we're here to celebrate a number of things. First of all, we are proud to announce the Cha Beomgeun Memorial Football Stadium as fully operational and ready for the World Cup. The BoF final match was merely a test to see how many people we could cram into... umm, I mean, the full capacity of this stadium. *whispers "Did I say that out loud?"* Well, we also would like to present this commemorative plaque, carrying the names of the first ever World Cup squad, for World Cup 39.

*applause*

We also would like to take this time to remember the dead of the Casari Stadium incident, where terrorists from anarchist organizations killed several thousands of people as they were seated in the stadium. In the incident, we lost three players and over 700 citizens. It was a great tragedy, but we hope that by having their names recorded on the Memorial Wall, they can be remembered for all to see in future generations. Unfortunately, we can only do the names in Haneo, so... foreign tourists will be confined to pamphlets with adequate translations and or transliterations.

*applause*

And now, we go to tonight's prime occasion. *long pause* Scientists at Dongguk University have announced the evolution of the world's first pig capable of flight! Through careful manipulation of genetic markers and insertion of some other markers, scientists were enable to induce wings capable of flight on pigs. Since the flying pigs were created in the Han Empire, they have adopted a Han name for them - 鸟豬 (조저|Jojeo). In English, they are to be called "jojo". And as you can see *curtain rises as a flock of jojos are huddled around* they're perfectly viable creatures. It's a marvelous step forward, I think. I'm not sure what prompted researchers from Dongguk University to create them, but it's a fine job. Look, they're flying right now!

*jojos fly out the window*

Umm, was that window supposed to be open? *whispers "Did I say that out loud again?"*

*shocks and shrieks*

Not to fear! The jojos will be contained and brought back home! They're just pigs, after all! Now on to the Group Draw!

Son: Finally! I thought that this would never end!

Yang: *snores*

Son: Great, I'm stuck all alone...

Jeong: Because we had to return the manatees used for the Group Draw during the Baptism of Fire, and the DDR machine is offline, we're going to resort to a simpler process of just posting them on our website at the close of this conference! Thank you for coming, and have a wonderful day!

Son: What? What was that all about?

Yang: *snores*

Son: No Group Draw? That just about %$#^ me.

--- END ---

ooc: not very imaginative ending, yes, but I'm sort of pressed for time.


Group Draw

Group 1
Rennidan (66)
Bazalonia (7)
Tokyoni (124)
Wentland (21)
Kirrin Island (UNR)
Prux (38)

Group 2
Bettia (15)
Kura-Pelland (32)
Jariss (49)
Fujisawan Territories (58)
Vonks (133)
Dennisov (UNR)

Group 3
Az-cz (5)
Free Krytenian Rebels (UNR)
Green Wombat (39)
Blouman Empire (56)
Ofedestan (133)
Dancougar (30)

Group 4
Quakmybush (17)
Septentrionia (50)
Dariusville (107)
The Macabees (UNR)
Gweridijongya (68)
Sel Appa (8)

Group 5
Nehrland (124)
SouthSuburbia (161)
Cafundéu (14)
Northern Bettia (18)
Frontenax (93)
Lovisa (35)

Group 6
Hryvinia (
Jeru FC (40)
Kosovoe (90)
Casari (6)
Alversia (
West Starblaydia (31)

Group 7
Zwangzug (10)
Steel Butterfly
Qazox (24)
Fmjphoenix (UNR)
Acapais (47)
Aleos (64)

Group 8
The Islands of Qutar
Demot (13)
Kenavt (158)
Kiryu-shi (52)
Kansiov (108)
CH JSY (25)

Group 9
Arroza (89)
Yafor 2 (16)
Unified Beretania (124)
Yafalonia and Bazor 2 (34)
The Indonesian states (UNR)
Kelssek (48)

Group 10
Jeruselem (12)
Lithima (102)
Nethertopia (77)
Sorthern Northland (33)
Taeshan (44)
Corivia (UNR)

Group 11
Naggetski (133)
Bearbears (142)
Milchama (3)
The Holy Empire (19)
Kereca (72)
The Pazhujeb Islands (41)

Group 12
Starblaydia (22)
Nire and Nire (46)
Ma Raque (114)
Pablicosta (137)
Magnus Valerius (54)
Tynelia (9)

Group 13
Kose and The Turkomans (53)
Squornshelous (4)
Vephrall (26)
United Hetzel (118)
Newmanistan (51)
Hockey Canada (UNR)

Group 14
Valanora - ESF (1)
Zarbli (114)
Candelaria And Marquez (27)
Kolanderaz (76)
Algal states (161)
The Archregimancy (36)

Group 15
KaMaRi (42)
Bostopia (20)
Universitus University (UNR)
Terreiro de Ogum (70)
Capitalizt SLANI (2)
SFRS (133)


Match Schedule:

Pre-Qualifiers
MD1: 1 --- 6 | 2 --- 5 | 3 --- 4
MD2: 5 --- 1 | 4 --- 2 | 6 --- 3
MD3: 1 --- 4 | 2 --- 3 | 5 --- 6
MD4: 3 --- 1 | 6 --- 2 | 4 --- 5
MD5: 1 --- 2 | 3 --- 5 | 4 --- 6
Mid-Qualifying Break
MD6: 6 --- 1 | etc...
...
MD10: etc...
Post-Qualifying Break

!World Cup!

PRUXTON GLOBE

Dateline: Daehanjeiguk
Reason: World Cup 41 Draw


The draw of the 41st edition of the World Cup has just been released and the Prux RoboDucks have been placed in the following group:

Group 1
Rennidan (66)
Bazalonia (7)
Tokyoni (124)
Wentland (21)
Kirrin Island (UNR)
Prux (38)

It will be difficult for the team to qualify with Bazalonia, WC40 runners-up and Wentland, a top flight team. However the other 3 teams in the group Kirrin Island, Rennidan and Tokyoni are not great teams, so it is possible that the RoboDucks could sneak into the Cup with an upset or two.

The complete schedule:
MD1: @ Rennidan
MD2: vs Tokyoni
MD3: @ Kirrin Island
MD4: vs Bazalonia
MD5: @ Wentland
MID-QUALIFYING BREAK
MD6: vs Rennidan
MD7: @ Tokyoni
MD8: vs Kirrin Island
MD9: @ Bazalonia
MD10: vs Wentland

The schedule sets itself up decently, as the team could be 3-0-0 before it has to face the top seeds for the first time and they could be 6-?-? before the replays.

QBC WORLD CUP XLI COVERAGE

"Hello all, I'm Beck Davidham, the group darw for the 41st World Cup qualifers has just been released, and without further ado, here is the group:

Group 7
Zwangzug (10)
Steel Butterfly (Orion Star Empire)
Qazox (24)
Fmjphoenix (UNR)
Acapais (47)
Aleos (64)

Interesting group. We face our basball rivals and familar foes in Zwangzug, hockey rivals in Steel Butterfly, a returning Fmjphoenix, and no our nickname is not in honour of them. And the other two teams are Acapais, a well-rounded team and Aleos, whom we've never met. Should be an interesting schedule, and speaking of which, here it is:

MD1: vs. Fmjphoenix @ Chek-Via Stadium in Fromburg; Capacity: 90,000.
MD2: @ Aleos
MD3: @ Steel Butterfly (Orion Star Empire)
MD4: vs. Zwangzug @ Qazian Memorial Stadium, Qazox City; Capacity: 98,000.
MD5: vs. Acapais @ SaxerDome, SaxerVilla; Capacity 85,000.
Mid-Qualifying Break
MD6: @ Fmjphoenix
MD7: vs Aleos @ Champions Field, Qazox City, Capacity 84,420.
MD8: vs Steel Butterfly (Orion Star Empire) @ Champions Field, Qazox City, Capacity 84,420.
MD9: @ Zwangzug
MD10: @ Acapais

That is all for now. Join me tommorrow at 5:00 pm for a complete Qualifer preview and predictions. So once again, tune into your local QBC station for all World Cup XLI coverage, for QBC Sports, I'm Beck Davidham and we'll see in Fromburg for the opener a week from tonight."

http://img187.imageshack.us/img187/8029/dailyturkpy7.png

Group Draw Announced
Our wait is over as we have found out who we will be playing in order to compete in the 41st World Cup, our group is led by two teams who stand out: Squornshelous (4) and Vephrall (26) defeating these teams will be difficult but it is hard to forget how we overcame Bazalonia 1-0 and came back from 3-0 to draw 3-3 with Tynelia, such displays show our quality in football. Then it comes to our old friends, no really we love playing them and they are indeed our rivals but we will look to get our first victory over them, this is not the team they faced last time many players have grown and matured including Sinan Kose who will be looking to pull their defense apart. Finally the bottom two teams United Hetzel (118) and Unranked Hockey Canada these teams may, on paper look easy but who remembers Prazkoy who were far lower in the rankings and overcame our side? We should approach them with caution.

Match Schedule
H: Vs Hockey Canada @ Desantepe Stadi
A: Vs Newmanistan
H: Vs United Hetzel @ Desantepe Stadi
A: Vs Vephrall
H: Vs Squornshelous @ Sultan Ibrahim XIII Stadi.
Mid Break.
A: Vs Hockey Canada
H: Vs Newmanistan @ Sultan Ibrahim XIII Stadi
A: Vs United Hetzel
H: Vs: Vephrall @ Sultan Ibrahim XIII Stadi
A: Vs Squornshelous.

First Team Announced
12. Cakir Fuat, 35 Y/O Caps: 3
Bio: So it looks like the experienced Cakir Fuat will be starting with Alhrem looking for a more stable goalkeeper it is no wonder that the aged keeper will be starting for us, despite his age he shows a lot of energy.

2. Üzulmez Yilmaz 21 Y/O Caps: 34 Goals: 1
Bio: Uzulmez will be challenged with the task of keeping the line together with the defense becoming increasingly important he will be in the limelight for the majority of games.

3. Sukur Saray 23 Y/o Caps: 32
Bio: Fast hard hitting and Strong, these are qualities that Sukur shows and can deliver on his day but his erratic style has been criticized.

13. Hikmet Koc 20 Y/o Caps: 5
Bio: Half of the Koc twins without his brother he should have his chance to shine for his nation.

26. Aykut Pembe 19 Y/o Caps: 1
Bio: Youth Has once again prevailed against experience although he is expected to rotate with Firat Can it looks as though Alhrem is looking for replacements.

5. Yilmaz Aydin 23 Y/o Caps: 32
Bio: He is the best wing back to have been produced in K&TT and will be playing to the max in all games.

6. Tumer Arda 25 Y/o Caps: 24
Bio: The better central midfielder in the middle then his counterpart he will be the more defensive of the pair.

18. Nuri Turan 20 Y/o Caps: 11 Goals: 1
Bio: Solid performances have got Turan a place in the squad ahead of Ishmael, but will his youth show?

8. Sabri Gunes 22 Y/o Caps: 29 Goals: 3
Bio: The best right foot in the world, at least thats what the papers say his ability is unquestioned but his speed is always in doubt however has kept his place.

9. Serkan Turkmen 23 Y/o Caps: 29 Goals: 9
Bio: The first Turkic to play abroad currently residing in C&M he has recently announced he is content at his club.

10. (Prince) Sinan Kose 20 Y/o Caps: 35 Goals: 45
Bio: The man who can, and almost always does he has shown that his quality is not just as an attacker but can be used in a holding midfield position, as our inspirational captain we will look for the best from him.

At Jeruselem training at Dazza Dallas Stadium ... a girl in bikini runs out of the Administration office to the team with some news.

Marie: Mum! Tunky! I've got the World Cup 41 qualifiers draw.
Tunk: Where's your clothes Marie? Always in some state of undress.
Marie: It's hot in the office, you're lucky I'm wearing anything at all!
Dazza: It's bloody hot out here and the aircon in the office doesn't work very well.

Tunk: OK OK, now what have we got here ...
Dazza: Group 10 ... looks alright to me.
Tunk: Apart from Sorthern Northland and Taeshan, nothing to worry about.
Dazza: Nethertopia are a rising team but those others don't look like much.

Tunk: Lithima and Corivia ... nah, no worries.
Dazza: Well, it looks quite fine. Let's see what our army team have to face.
Tunk: Group 6 ... eck, Casari the 6th seed.
Dazza: And Krytenia, I mean West Starblaydia.

Tunk: That Kosovoe team and two unknowns.
Dazza: Jeru FC will be fine if they get 3rd place.
Tunk: I can't see them making 2nd or 1st with those teams.
Dazza: Me neither.

Kara: Hey, what's Kitty Dallas got for us?
Tunk: Kitty Dallas?
Dazza: Marie, you dope!
Tunk: Explains the cat ears she's wearing.

Kara: Oh, the draw! Let me see! I am the team captain after all.

<Later>

Kara: That's great. I like. Apart from those Northern Southlanders ...
Dazza: It's all good news then.
Marie: Can we fix the aircon the Administration building? It's not bloody working.
Dazza: Didn't we fix it last week?

Tunk: Yes, we did. Don't tell me, it's broken down again.
Dazza: Like how?
Marie: It's more like a heater than a cooling system. I had to turn the bloody thing off.
Dazza: Come on Marie, we'll fix it ourselves.

Tunk: Since when did Dallas girls fix aircons?
Dazza: A skill you learn when you live a crappy house with dodgy aircon. Err, that was my mother's old house. Come on Marie, I bet they didn't install the venting correctly.

<Dazza and Marie run off to the Admin building>

Tunk: Strange woman ...
Kara: Yes, but she's seems to have all sorts of skills we didn't know about.
Tunk: Say, where's your top?
Kara: Coach, it's near 35C out here and you expect me to wear a top? Anyway, I do wear a sports bra unlike some.

Tunk: I think we'll go do some swimming if this weather keeps up.
Kara: How come it's always cloudy for games here then? It's always bloody hot during training.
Tunk: Oh, we cloud-seed on the game day.
Kara: Isn't that cheating?

Tunk: No, we don't want opposition team suing us for skin cancers when they visit.
Kara: Then how come those Dallas girls never seem to tan then?
Tunk: Don't ask me.
Kara: There's something abnormal about them.

La presse d'Ourseville
Divergence free! Watch Télé-7, listen to Radio de l'Île, 103.9 FM and read our other publications!

Télé-7 searching for new talents

After the rising popularity of the Dallases and, also, of French-speaking half-naked and annoying chicks, Télé-7, the principal private broadcaster of Septentrionia, will be looking at new talents for an upcoming reality show. This show will feature eight of the most beautiful Septentrionian girls as they try to achieve their goal: becoming the new idiotic-but-loved half-naked chick ever seen in the country. There are quite a few rules the applicants have to follow to be sure their application will even be considered: Be aged between 18 and 21, Speak French fluently, be very pretty, have a predilection for Eve's costume, have no morals, like to be quite annoying and like soccer players. Applicants can send in their request to 1093, Rue de la pensée Ouest, Ourseville, Capitale. CA01-4186. The applicants will then be contacted back for an interview with the producers, who will then discriminate against intelligent and nerdy girls.

Luc Eloquin, Director of programmation, Télé-7.

National Soccer Team getting ready for the World Cup!

The Septentrionian Soccer Team is getting ready for their run to the World Cup. The last time, as the cup was held on our own continent, Atlantian Oceania, the Septentrionians had a decent qualifying phase for a nation whose national sport is definitely not soccer. This time, however, they will have a chance to qualify, but it won't be easy, as only two from their group will advance to the World Cup proper, held this time in Ad'ihan and in the Han Empire. Now, let's take a quick look at Septentrionia's group:

Group 4
Quakmybush (17)
Septentrionia (50)
Dariusville (107)
The Macabees (UNR)
Gweridijongya (68)
Sel Appa (8)

The Presse d'Ourseville experts opinion on who advances to the World Cup: Quakmybush and Sel Appa. However, watch for Septentrionia and Gweridijongya to maybe cause a surprise this time around. Please note that a more in-depth report will be done on Thursday next week about Septentrionia's group and the other groups with predictions on who will advance.

http://img381.imageshack.us/img381/8219/snpapercy0.png (http://imageshack.us)

SNFA in no war or rickrolling pledge for World Cup 41

Football. It is a huge possibly the most important aspect of society in Sorthern Northland. Some even see it as Sorthern Northland's gateway to the world, football aside our nation is not one that mixes much in international affairs. Generally we get on with our business and leave other nations to determine theirs and as such outside of football tournaments (and the occasional tournament in other sports), the world hears little of Sorthern Northland, the national football team it could be argued is the most important thing to us. Alcohol aside that is.

The Sorthern national team is indeed a blessing on our fine land, yet at times it is our biggest curse. The nation has been to war three times in it's history, the first being the infamous Tourist Board War when both The Tourist Board of Southern Northland and The Tourist Office of Southern Northland claimed responsibility for the nations motto. The resulting thirteen hour conflict saw six casualties (three of them to household pets) and was the end of war in SN for a number of years. However that all changed with the opening of the Fort Boston Martyrs Stadium a couple of World Cups ago which caused Bostopia to declare war on SN, with Daehanjeiguk joining in later. This war saw a number of casualties, (mainly to crickets and hamsters) as well as what some sources claim was an attempted Sorthern invasion disguised as a Bostopian attack on a Han island. Han officials claim the incident was just a storm in a teacup that got out of hand.

But just four years ago came the biggest war in SN's short history, a war that threatened the very existence of Sorthern Northland. Just weeks ahead of the start of qualifying Major General Dick O'Reilly who just days earlier had failed in an attempted coup of the government succeeded in gaining control of the SNFA through a drinking contest. The retired army nut quickly turned the SNFA into a military junta and trained the players in armed combat. The coup was controversial and saw the team adopt warfare tactics on the football pitch, particularly against Rennidan where the Major General damaged the pitch and stadium with a tank. About midway through qualifying having failed to return the SNFA to civilian hands through negotiation the Sorthern government launched an armed attack on the SNFA Military Junta, with the aid of constantly playing Rick Astley's 80's hit "Never Gonna Give You Up" in an effort to force SNFA combatants into surrender. Unfortunately Dick O'Reilly had a hatred of the French and had no one remotely French and therefore willing to surrender in his ranks. As qualification went on the country descended into civil war. The nation versus Dick O'Reilly, it should have been over quickly but due to a combination of a lack of training given to army personnel, most army equipment have been lost somewhere in Daehanjeiguk, and the effect beer has on army personnel the war dragged on and on. Resources became scarce, government leaders went into hiding and after several months the nation even ceased to exist. For a couple of months at least. Hangovers gone, people came out of hiding and found that Sorthern Northland was still in fact here, all the beer hadn't gone, and that Dick O'Reilly had finally lost control of the SNFA. To this day no one knows what actually happened, or even when. All that is clear is the SNFA is once again a footballing association than one nut cases army. As for O'Reilly, he was killed in action by Sorthern Armed Forces although his body was never recovered. What happened to it is unknown, some say it ended up in Bostopia, others say Kose and the Turkomans while a few say he was found drowned in gravy from a Poutine meal in Septentrionia. All that though is in the past and the SNFA has promised it will learn from mistakes made last time round, that this time, the main story will be football not war.

Speaking after the World Cup qualifying draw some man in a suit said, "The last few years have not been good for Sorthern football or indeed the nation. This nation experienced it's darkest days thanks to the footballing military junta of O'Reilly, and that all stemmed really from the war with Bostopia the previous World Cup. Now we are wiser, war is not good for our country and we will make sure we do everything to stop it happening again. A phenomenon known as rickrolling was another low point of the previous World Cup. Both the government, and Dick O'Reilly used it as well as the press on a number of occasions but thankfully a new Human Rights bill that Parliament recently passed has put Rickrolling right up there with waterboarding in it's outlawed methods of torture, so I am delighted to say fans won't be put through that again."

This World Cup is certainly an oppurtunity for the nation to rebuild itself from the football military junta one to the purely footballing one that qualified for the World Cup finals two tournaments ago, and that process started with the unavailing of the official World Cup 41 kits, by Sorthern sportswear company Asal aide Spoírt.

http://img167.imageshack.us/img167/3148/snhomewc41oq9.png (http://imageshack.us)http://img266.imageshack.us/img266/6740/snawaywc41qe3.png (http://imageshack.us)

Talking about the new kits a spokesman for Asal aide Spoírt said "The kits at the last World Cup summed up what that regime was all about, it wasn't about football it was about war. Asal aide Spoírt was approached by Dick O'Reilly to produce some camouflage kits but we refused on the basis that it went against the interests of Sorthern football and so the Krytenian based JMC were brought in to make the teams kits and they were seen as a huge disaster by the fans, and as the start of a painful four years."

"It is time to put that bad spell for us to bed, and that started with the SNFA going back into civilian hands and acting in the interests of Sorthern football. We at Asal aide Spoírt are delighted to once again be a part of Sorthern football and a part of it's re-birth and I think reverting back to our traditional red and gold in a big part in this re-birth. This is though the start of a new era and while it is important to keep traditions it is also important to embrace new ideas which is why we have changed the away colours from our previous traditional away offerings to what we feel is an exciting new design, some people will like it, some won't but our kits are exactly what you see and that is what we sell them on. Our kits are kits, not super high tech equipment, a shirt is just that a shirt, shorts are shorts and socks are socks. None of them will get our players anywhere faster, or improve them in anyway, or help increase their rates of cooling or anything like that. We don't claim that our kits do any of that bullshit as other companies do, and I think that is why we are so popular with the SNFA, we tell the truth, we provide good design rather than just a load of sales pitchs about how the kits improve players and I hope the fans are happy with the new kits."

The new kits are the first of a series of announcements by the SNFA as they look to rebuild the squad. With Kevaughn Ó Criomhthain missing presumed dead since the military takeover of the previous World Cup, a new manager is next on the cards. The SNFA say an announcement of an appointment is imminent, fuelling often wild speculation as to who the new boss will be. However he is though with just weeks to go to the start of World Cup qualifying he will have his work cut out as the squad is due to be announced in the coming days and with a number of players either retiring or being killed in the civil war, the squad will feature many new faces as it looks to present itself a new image.

'Second' debut & consequent prognostics
Making sure everyone knows just how little chance we have ...

The Empire's U-21 team made an impressive debut during the Di Bradini Cup, finishing third in their group, and drawing against and sometimes defeating veteran and established teams. This was not the Di Bradini Cup, but if the Starblaydian tournament had something to show it was that the Macabee national football teams were interested in showing off their potential. It made sense, if not for their 'national pride', but for the fact that most of these players were interested in landing large contracts with foreign teams. Indeed, most of them were theoritically unemployed for the past two years, since the suspension of the Ligue Imperiotech due to the advent of the War of Golden Succession. In this category lay, without a doubt, star of the Di Bradini Cup Mika d'Angíel. This young player turned out to be the pichichi - top goal scorer - of the Macabee team. He had led the team, and they finished the tournament as the only team in the group stage to have not lost against Jeruselem - a tall feat, given that teams such as Candelaria and Marquez and Starblaydia had lost; in fact, the U-21 Golden Whites had ruined Jeruselem's 'perfect streak'. In any case, there was no doubt that the national team world-cup squad wanted to preform to a similar level. Any improvements this year would lead to a much better performance during the next cup, and so although the team would play to win most understood that their prospects for passing the group stage were low. In other words, nobody would let anybody 'win easily', but they were also quite pragmatic.

In regards to prognostics, perhaps they weren't even worth mentioning! To be fair, the first game would not be as unbalanced as one could expect, although the Imperials were unranked. Regardless, the first match was against Dariusville, which although technically a higher rank it was not a particularly dangerous team either. Things, however, spiralled down from there. The second match day would be against Septentrionia, which was at a good position in the middle of the table of ranks - fiftieth - and more than a match for the Golden-Whites. The third match day was against the seventeenth nation in the world rankings, Quakmybush, and most wrote that off immediately as a clear lost. Trying hard and not offering your opponent an easy win was one thing, but winning was completely another. The fourth game was against a nation most citizens of the Second Empire had never even heard of - Gweridijongya. Gweridijongya was ranked sixty-eighth, so obviously someone had heard of them in their lifetime, but most should remember that this is the same team who didn't know who Cadelaria and Marquez was at the beginning of the Di Bradini Cup. Then again, the Imperials came out one rank on top respective of this latter team, so perhaps the apparent haughtyness was not undeserved. And, well, the fifth game was against Sel Appa and it was best not to even speak of how long the game would last against the eigth best team in the world. Well, at least the Golden-Whites were not in Group 13, right?

As usual, in the Empire itself the television, newspapers and radio were blasting this world cup as the 'renewed debut' of the Imperials. 'Renewed debut' seemed like an oxymoron, but the media could call it anything they wanted, since they were the media and all-knowing, all-seeing and all-potent. Besides, football was equal to large dividends if one knew how to play it right. The U-21 team's great performance during the Di Bradini Cup and the simultaneous beginning of the Second Golden Cup - futsal, for those of you who don't know! - paid off in terms of gathering fans for the sport, again. The Empire's citizens were normally huge followers of football, especially of the Ligue Imperiotech, but the two years of war had put other things in their minds - such as survival and fear of what was to come. The post-war situation was not much less relaxing, as most were caught in the whirlwind of post-war reconstruction. But football offered them an escape, and so the popularity had increased; to the point where Fedor I was pushing for the resurgence of the league for a 2008-2009 season. Of course, the liguea imperiotech would almost be building from scratch, but it was well worth it and it would only take some years to build it back up to what it was before - a very good league. In any case, the new national squad were being hailed as 'saviours' and as the 'future of Macabee football', although it was all mostly to gain ratings and raise spirits. But, if one was to walk down the streets of one of the Empire's larger cities it would not be rare to see people wearing the team's jersey in support. It's important to note that around thirty to forty thousands fans were planning to attend the Empire's games, supporting them in their endeavour to reach the finals.

Football not only brought hope and an escape, but it brought peace. In Theohuanacu, a continent-sized island in the southern extremes of the region of Greater Díenstad, some imperial units would have the leisure of watching the games. Even 'elite' units such as the Díenstadi Régulies [foreign 'legions'] had been able to watch the Di Bradini Cup. Newspapers all over the world had reported how the Doomani Harka had killed an entire village of locals in 'celebration' [although, after, Fedala vehemently denied that this happened]. Well, one could guess that this wasn't peace. But, at least for ninety minutes there would be no horrid massacres in Theohuanacu - well, at least not as many. This was something! Football brought prior enemies together. The first thing a Macabee soldier said to a Stevidian soldier that had nothing to do with reporting border activities had to do with the Di Bradini Cup. In fact, the Golden-Whites were the only Greater Díenstadi team partaking in the World Cup, and they would have the entire region behind it.

In any case, this would be an interesting world cup ...

An introduction to Cas Ter'míen
To hell with those damn annoying Dallas family!

Cas Ter'míen was a strange fellow. He had finished his service in the War of Golden Succession, operating in Ruska beginning in late July 2016 and finishing in Safehaven somewhere around April 2018. He was not an ordinary ground pounder. Prior to the war he had been in the Ejermacht [Army] for thirteen years, and he had gone into special forces as soon as he was elegible to do so. He was relatively young - around thirty-three - but so much violence had unsettled something in his head. One could say that he had lost a screw. As special forces he had become accustomed to certaing things, such as killing. He had become a brutal assassin; a hit man for the government, in all respects. Of course, this wasn't the term used to avoid direct connotation, but that was what in effect he was. During the war his precision accuracy had been taken advantage of by the government, who had used him to eliminate important Havenic generals. At one point in his career he put a 13.3mm high-power projectile between the eyes of a Havenic field marshal at 2,150m; no small feat. Most soldiers were only trained to fire at a range of around three hundred meters, and without much precision - it was more likely to fire at less than one hundred and fifty meters. This man had spent two months on manuevers during sniper school to learn how to shoot a target, with the utmost precision, at over one thousand meters in the blink of an eye. In short, this man was a trained killer and a madman, at that. Upon his return from the war it was not rare to hear stories about him beating his wife and isolating himself in the basement of his house, looking at his large number of firearms. In any case, this man was definately strange.

Today was one of those 'basement' days, as he sat on a wooden chair, looming over his wooden table. He had a Hali-53 assault rifle picked apart, and he was spreading lube over the rifle's bolt to allow it operate better. One could see the lower receiver near the right corner of the table and the upper receiver further up. The bolt carriage itself was picked apart, split into around six different pieces, although all neatly organized to avoid losing them. During the war he had likely taken the Hali-53 apart hundreds of times - special forces were the first ones to get the brand-new rifle. Near the table there was a rack filled with thirty rifles of different types; some were assault rifles, others were older bolt-action rifles and he had even some sniper rifles [both bolt-action and automatic]. This man liked his weapons. A little above his head, and in front of him, on the wall there were dozens of photographs of Marie Dallas. In most of these photographs she was either half or fully naked. She was quite promiscuous, and Cas Ter'míen had taken a 'liking' for her [a liking no woman wanted] - more so an obsession. He looked at them while he cleaned his rifle, murmuring to himself. It was all quite strange. It was no wonder there were so many rumors about him spread all over the neighborhood!

All of a sudden, from somewhere above a voice could be heard, 'Cas come get your [i]fucking food!'

Cas' head swirled violently towards the staircase. It was his wife, telling him dinner was ready in the worst way possible. The man's lips twisted into a shape of dispise and he yelled back, 'Beka, I'll get my food when I fuggin' feel like it!'

All of a sudden the door swung open, and he could see the shadow of his wife down the staircase, and she started to yell at him, 'Cas, why can't we ever eat like a goddamn family? You're always down here beating off to that woman. Oh, and don't pretend like I don't know. I've seen the fucking photographs. Honestly, I don't give a flying fuck about your sexual fantasies. It's not like we've actually had sex in the past ... oh ... three years. Whatever, whatever. Just come up here and eat with me like you're the goddamn man of the house.' This fighting between them was normal. Fortunately, they still had not had any kids, and so they were spared the drama. She then said, 'Are you going to say anything, you coward?'

The only words out of his mouth were, 'Shut up.'

She giggled, obviously mocking him, and went on, 'Is that the only thing you can say to me? After all these years? Oh, you're so cool, so bad. You're nothing but a piece of trash.' He looked at her, with a deathly stare, but strangely did not respond. He left the Hali-53 pieces right were they were at, walked over to the gun rack and picked up a bolt-action rifle. On the other side of the room, on the staircase, his wife's eyes flared with alert and she turned around. In desperation she yelled out, 'Are you crazy, Cas?' And then at the top of her lungs, 'SOMEBODY CALL THE POLICE!!'

Nobody would hear her, but they would hear what came next. The bolt-action rifle was already loaded. Boom. The 7x53mm full metal jacket round ripped through the air at 700m/sec, speeding towards its target. The bullet entered through the back of her head and came out cleanly through the front. It was an overpowered cartridge, but anything dead center of the back of the skull was almost a certain kill - Cas had learned this during his fifteen years of service. Cynically, he said, 'Bitch, I told you to shut the fuck up.'

Her body fell limp over the staircase and started tumbling down. He didn't pay attention. He threw the rifle on the ground, not caring if it was 'clean' or not [his fingerprints]. Really, the national police would not catch him in time. He walked over to the desk and swiped it clean, spreading the rifle parts all over the floor. Opening a drawer he took out a number of passports, all of different nationalities and with different names, a few tickets and other necessities. He looked at the photographs in front of him for a second and then grinned and said, 'Baby, don't worry, you're next.'

If one caught a glimpse of the tickets in his hand one could tell they were to the firty match in Jeruselem. Jeruselem versus Corivia. Cas would be there and Marie would be there ...

Celebration. It was everywhere on the streets of Rennidan. People in the white and navy, or gold and green, kits of Rennidan's national team were dancing through the dusty roads of Old Rennidan, or congaing through the terraced plains of the Industrial Sector, or just get bloody hammered at their local.

Why?

Well, for starters, they saw being the first pick of the World Cup as something of a good luck charm. Secondly, the group they had been drawn in to wasn't actually too bad. Hell, the worst two in the group would be Bazalonia and Wentland.

Tokyoni and Kirrin Island shouldn't be too bad, as they were both relatively unknown.

And Prux? They were going to be difficult, but they were also getting cocky. Rumour had it they had already been labelling Rennidan, a team known as 'The Unknowns', as "not [a] great team".

Not a great team?

Last World Cup, Rennidan was unranked. They got kicked out of the World Cup, sure, but what a World Cup it was. How many unranked teams can claim they only lost by one goal against a team that was only ranked first in the world?

Then, in their début to the Cup of Harmony, they blasted through all the way to the finals, where they lost in extra time.

Unknowingly, Prux had no doubt ignited the flames of the Rennidan citizens’ hearts.

The Unknowns versus The Roboducks.

A rivalry in the making.

Rennidan (66)
Bazalonia (7)
Tokyoni (124)
Wentland (21)
Kirrin Island (UNR)
Prux (38)

_____________________________________________

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Rennidan's Front Line: An In-Depth Look at our National Football Heroes.

Episode One: Joseph Malkoa

Statistics:

Age - 20
Sex - M
Height: 6'2"
Weight: 152 lbs
Position: Goalkeeper
Clean Sheets: 3
Int. Appearances: 12


Joseph Malkoa is a boy that has been brought up in shadows all his life. To start with, he was born in Rennidan's Industrial Sector, born in Starling Hospital, under the gloominess of the nation's famed incinerator chimneys. Then, at the age of seven, he and his family moved towards Mount Rennida, where he was to grow up in the shadow of the region's sole mountain. But it wasn't until a family holiday abroad to Starblaydia that Joseph and, perhaps more importantly, his brother (more on him in a later episode), found their love for the game known as football.

At first, Joseph believed he had found something he could truly shine at. He was a brilliant all-round player, but really came into the light when he stood in the goal. Unfortunately for him, his brother was also brilliant as a goalkeeper, but had the confidence and charisma to get people to notice him. Many people relate Joseph's nervousness on the pitch to the fact that he has always been brought up as the next-best-thing to his older brother, but he insists that it's merely the fact that, whenever you stand in the goal, you realize you have an entire nation watching you at work.

After small bouts of local fame with school and small-time football clubs, Joseph was made an offer from Southern Hawks to be the team's starting goalie. For the first year, Joseph broke all of the clubs clean sheet records, allowing only forty three goals in out of the gruelling one hundred and twenty six matches a Rennidanian club plays in a season.

Enter Ryan Malkoa.

The owner had realized long before inviting Joseph to the club that Ryan was a better keeper. So, he offered Joseph a position to see how well he performed. And, unexpectedly, Joseph broke all expectations. Everyone at the club who knew what happening was assumed this would mean Milov Tiils would drop the notion of now inviting Ryan Malkoa to the club.

It would mean they lose fan support.

It would disrupt the team chemistry.

It would break Joseph's heart.

However, when Tiils extended his hands to Ryan, it did none of these.

Fans loved him for his charm and comedy on the pitch.

The team loved him for his charisma and golden gloves.

And his brother? His brother, funnily enough, didn't mind one bit. He was so used to his brother being in the limelight, he had actually been expecting this to happen.

So, the duo played two years at Southern Hawks before Rennidan finally entered a team into the World Cup. As a nation recently out of isolation, they were eager to send their best and brightest players out to show the world what they could do. World Cup 40 saw the first Rennidanian team to enter into a global sports event. Joseph was again to take the place of second-best here, his brother yet again taking the limelight as both team captain and international heart throb.

Joseph played a meagre one hundred and ninety two minutes in the World Cup Group stages, and in the end, Rennidan didn't make it.

They weren't last in the Group, but they sure as hell didn't qualify.

Then came the Cup of Harmony.

And Rennidan shone on through.

And for once, so did Joseph.

He played just under half the matches in the tournament, much to his brother's happiness. Sibling rivalry seems to be something these two know not of, as they are always more than happy to let the other take the limelight.

Then, Joseph's big break came through (as it did for Ryan). His older brother, in the final of the Cup of Harmony, saved a shot, only for the Acapais striker, Jose Castro, to catch him in the right hand with a powerful boot. It turns out the broken hand would later on be a career ending injury for the oldest of the Malkoa brothers.

In the end, Rennidan lost the final, but Joseph did manage to push the team through into extra-time, where a blazing shot was sent passed his fingertips by mere millimetres.

Since then, Joseph has been in training and personal-aid to help with his nerves. He's come a long way from the fresh-faced worry-wart of the 40th World Cup, and has developed into a national hero of his brothers level. He still has a long way to go, but with the right guidance, there is no doubt he will get there. Eventually.

For now though, he lives in a penthouse apartment, living a bachelor’s life. When asked if he plans on settling down, he just gave a slight chuckle and waved the question away.

We'll see more of him in the nation's first group stage match, against the Prux Robo-Ducks.

Come on Rennidan!

Vonks Celebrates Group Draw In Verse

The players and fans of Vonks were today pleased to be drawn in a group described by all observers as very open and competitive, from which anyone could qualify. And they weren't at all put off by the way these same observers invariably added '... except, of course, for the rank outsiders Vonks.'

The Vonkian Poet Laureate, Anastasia Boguinskaya, was moved to write a series of sonnets describing the group qualifying games ahead, which, to make a pleasant change from talking about the game or the misdemeanours of the players, we will print here today:

Kura-Pelland
When Vonks begin their first World Cup campaign
T’will be by travelling to Kura-Pelland,
Who though their football hist’ry in the main
Is proud, of late their form has been quite bland.

Thus Vonks have hope that since not getting through
To play last time in’t glory of’t World Cup,
Our hosts still feel all miserable and blue
And ‘gainst the underdogs might just slip up.

So go, brave Gao, fierce Fajuyi, stern Borr,
Fat Khudanpur, weird Anderson, dull Rice,
Come back from foreign lands with win or draw,
Make qualifying prospects downright nice!

For though few people say we have a chance,
Defeating K’lland will show we can advance!


Bettia
The first team that will come to visit Vonks
Comes from the football-loving land of Bettia
Whose moral code, from green-clad toes to conks,
The wearing of things red will never let yer.

Alas that Vonks has yet no change of kit!
Alas that ours is made from bright red squir’ls!
For though we wish to do so not one bit,
Our clothes will sadden Bettian boys and girls.

Yet shall this team who twice have won the cup
Strike fear into the hearts of Vonkian bods?
Why no! Our lads will keep their spirits up
And strive to win our games in spite of odds!

Let Bettia come and put us to the test!
Our Sorry-We’re-In-Reds will do their best!


Dennisov
What knows the sporting world of Dennisov?
Near nothing! Who are they? We have no clue!
Yet rumour is that in a time far-off,
They were big names when still the Cup was new.

To Vonks they’ll come to play just their third game
Since World Cup seventeen, eighteen or so,
And will their style of football be the same
As won them games so very long ago?

We just don’t know. But one thing is for sure –
If in our first two matches we’ve been killed
This one above all else will give us more
Than half a chance our dreams will be fulfilled.

Hooray, a team below us in the ranks!
And all of Vonks gives its wholehearted thanks!


And so on
Then to the Fujisawan Territ’ries
Must Vonks embark, and after that Jariss.
But no poetic scribe with sense foresees
What happens three or four games after this.

It’s not a piece of cake, you know, to write
A sonnet for each team we’re gonna play!
I think at this point I’ll call it a night,
And carry on the verse another day.

For by the time we go abroad to ‘Fu’,
Perhaps our dreams of qualify’ng will be
As dead as t’squirrels hundred-fifty-two
That made the kits for our lads twenty-three.

I’ll write about our final two ‘pponents
Next time (or not, if I have any sense)

Jeruselem coach Abrams Tunk and Assistant Coach Sister Marsha entered the Jeruselem Training Ground Administration building. Normally it was bit of sauna in there but Dazza and Marie-Antonette Dallas were relaxing with a bottle of wine in a cool environment.

Tunk: I see everything is working here.
Marie: Yeah, all fixed!
Tunk: So what was the problem?
Dazza: Sub-standard ventation to the central cooling system. A few rolls of Gaffa tape and ladder did the job.

Marsha: It's a bit cold in here.
Tunk: It's better than outside still. The grass is going all brown.
Dazza: Want a drink guys?
Tunk: No thanks, I'm not an alchoholic.

Marsha: I'll have a glass thanks Dazza.
Marie: This stuff is top class.
Marsha: Yeah, it's a lot better than rubbish I get at the convent.
Dazza: Hey, I even fixed the remote control for the aircon.

Tunk: Good, I can now write reports without working in a sauna. Sister Marsha doesn't have stand there with fan.
Dazza: OK, it's time we got home.
Marsha: Don't forget to take Flak Sho home with you. He didn't drive to training today.
Marie: Can I drive?

Tunk: Marie, the roads aren't a race track. The way you drive.

Two friends were coming out of a movie cinema, after a new movie. "To Be a Star". The movie was a story about a middle of the range, basically unknown team from the BFSA A league rise to the final, they lost but it didn't matter because the events lead up to personal victories as a result, and that no one even thought they could get to the finals anyway.

"Come on, it's clear it's a thinly veiled fictionalisation of World Cup 40."

"Of course, what do you reckon the sequel will be like."

"Probably personal rubbish sees them fall from grace and then do some soul searching and then probably win it."

"Do you really think that the Bazalopes will win the World Cup?"

The other one bursed into laughter....

"Okay, point taken... So how about the Group stage...

"Is there any real challenge there, perhaps Wentland but they've got our old 21 spot."

"Okay, well going purely on the ranking system we should have it fairly easy, but the coach probably will use it to test out new ideas, I mean, we are now fairly neutral in attacking."

"Well, unless something majorly goes wrong we should get to the proper no probs."

"but what about the proper?"

"I dunno, anything can happen there, I mean the Bazas were runner ups from barely getting to the Round of 16."

In a previous post:

"Nope, however, I am a lot more worried about the World Cup"

"We'll worry about it on the World Cup thread"

"What are you talking about?"

"Don't worry about it"

"Cool"

"Ok so we're on the World Cup thread, what are you so worried about?"

"Well did you look at our roster?"

"Ummm.... oh *&%$%$% &%@^*^*&^!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY THINKING?!!!!!!!"

"I have no idea, it's not good though"\

"No not at all, something must be done"

"Hmmm... well how did we do in friendlies?"

"We beat Collonie 3-1, Clyde Misterson getting the goal for the Eagles, against Cadurim Athletic we lost 2-1 and we beat Great Alexandria 4-0"

"That last result is quite impressive, I'm assuming that's the order the games were played in?"

"Yes"

"That means we're peaking before the qualifiers, I'm happy about that"

"Oh that's excellent, only one problem"

"What is that?"

"WE STILL HAVE A FREAKING BANANA AS THE GOALIE!!!!!!!!!!"

"Don't worry about it, we got to quarters of AOCAF with only 3 players"

"Yes but we had a real goalie and the horse was sweet. This is stupid"

"I guess but we also are playing blancmanges"

"Yes but we do have a secret weapon against them"

"How do you know?"

"I talked with Markin and he said there is no way we lose"

"Ok, I'll believe him"

"So is that about it?"

"No dude what about the sky?"

"Shut up! I don't want to hear you're stupid dumb rants about nothing! Now get out of my face before I kill you!"

"Ok"

"Thanks bye"

"See ya"

Chi Sun-Times-Tribune-Domestic-International-Echo-Star-News-Today

Sports Section

Group Draw Kind to Warriors

The Milchama Warriors were quite happy with their draw for the World Cup today. The Warriors were placed in Group 11 and had only one team with any shot at beating them and no teams that would seriously push them for qualification. Coach Thomas Markin said, "This will be an easy group to advance from and more importantly it'll give our players some time to play into form so that we can actually care and try and win by the World Cup."

Now the infamous Milchamian predictions:
Group 11
Naggetski (133)- I don't know how many ranks there are right now and but I know that after 100 it really doesn't matter because they all suck. This should be two easy wins. Expect The Picture of Floren to be magnificent.
Bearbears (142)- Wait! They're worse then Naggestski? That's hard to do but good for us because that means two more easy victories. Kenji Miller will be a true goal scoring threat here to get us the 6 points.
Milchama (3)- That's us. If we don't get to the semi finals at least of the World Cup it will be seen as a failure. These qualifiers are merely speed bumps to us getting to the tournament proper. If we're not undefeated that's unacceptable.
The Holy Empire (19)- Our only real rivals. 11 blancmanges that eat people and turn them into Scotsman. It could get rough out there but they have one weakness and our Monty Python geekiness makes us know that weakness. Expect one hard fought victory and a draw for us with the tomato being subbed out at half time.
Kereca (72)- They were once good. I think they may have beat us once but that's all past. We're so much better then them now it's not even funny. Two more victories please. Expect the Silversun Pickups to have a break out game. Well Thought Out Twinkles to the max!
The Pazhujeb Islands (41)- The potential threat to qualification, of The Holy Empire. We're so far ahead of these guys it's like watching Shaquille run a 100 meter dash against a Lexus. This will be two more victories for us with the midfield maestro Demetri Halforth playing a key role from the bench.

So that works out to 28 points out of a potential 30. That should be enough to get us qualify, although I'm not quite sure. Our roster might suck but this group is a lot lot lot lot worse then us.

The Albrecht Herald Online>Sport>WC41
The hosts, the underachieving veterans, the exciting newcomers… Oh dear…
By Tracker Edwards

The growing criticism of Owen Jones and the CAMAFA’s organisational capabilities continued this morning, equating for the wide disparity of reactions to the Big Blues’ WC41 qualifying group fourteen – ranging from Ciaran Kelly’s unfortunate, off-mic comment that “we’re so screwed, it’s not funny”, to several columnists’ declarations that we’re “already there”.

The confusion surrounds the format of the qualifying campaign, which in theory duplicates that employed in the lead up to World Cup 40 in the Starblaydias. Though the CAMAFA have pleaded their innocence, blaming the WC41 organising committee’s failure to properly alert competing nations as to the nature of the current arrangement, new boss Kris Healy was prepared to snidely finger his employers when admitting that he remained “entirely unsure” as to whether the top two nations in the group would progress, or if the same play-off format would be used, and “hadn’t been paying proper attention”.

The latter would clearly be in the Big Blues’ benefit. The group will see them face an entirely unknown set of opponents at senior level, though few will need much introduction to fans and players alike. Not for the first time have C&M been paired with the reigning champions, but the clash with the Eesseff in Arrigo later this year will be the first meeting between the Big Blues and the Marauders. The make-up of their mutual squads will be rather familiar to both camps, with former under-21s including Matteo Corradini, Ben Edwards and Alessio Montano having gotten notable results against their youthful counterparts in the Di Bradini Cup (back in the golden days when C&M and the Eesseff were the dominant forces, and no-one had even heard of Newmanistan… aaah, memories), while only in making the most recent TQCC final could Raynor City banish the memories of the four-nil aggregate defeat to Albrecht Turkish during the previous championship.

Regular viewers of the Cafundelense league will recognise the Vélez’s brothers’ team-mate Hizzen Hocn, and O’Sullivan Caras’ partner in the Clube Imperial midfield, Carl Underdark; while Lorenzo De Wildegate – still swinging open in the breeze, lest we forget – has made Cheonjin defender Mathias Nickel a familiar face. And that’s all without mentioning Scott Soldarian, Espy va Drake and the dearly departed Roger Zetaback, whose presence in the Eesseffian squad will no doubt form much of the build-up to the two fixtures. The former two are among five of their countrymen employed in the CMSC, a link-up achieved despite the lack of formal – never mind friendly – relations between our two states. After the Anderson administration’s refusal to establish bilateral contacts, on the basis that the so-called ‘Vanorian Commonwealth’ represented an aggressive take-over of several previous sovereign nations; there have been suggestions that the Morton government could use the two matches to begin a process of détente through a bit of football diplomacy.

If playing the champions represents a foreboding prospect, then the third seeds in the group are no pushovers either. The Holy Monastic Republic may be largely unknown in the Candelarias, but their sporting tradition is long and proud. Having fallen on hard times in recent years, coach Anthony Great and his squad will no doubt identify C&M as the more likely of the top two sides to overcome, and the final result from the matchday two trip to the Dezut Stadium may well decide the ultimate direction of this group. The games may likewise be employed for more than merely sporting reasons, following a nasty diplomatic spat between the Republics over an apparently superfluous aitch.

On the plus side, the other three members of the group are largely unknowns, and Healy will have to bone up quickly on Kolanderaz before the opening game in Albrecht. The Millerman Sheppard Stadium will also play host to Zarbli in the second half of qualifying – by which time the Zarblese right-back Valete will likely be as at home at the MSS as his Albrecht FC team-mates and A.Turks rivals. The Algal States, meanwhile, are similarly unrecognisable, but their history in World Cup football predates our own by nearly three – or possibly six – decades.

Prior to all that meanwhile, C&M will, for some reason, play host to the Second ‘And’ Trophy, a cup currently held by Nire and Nire following a one-one draw in Kartick, Nire, which for complex reasons saw the trophy handed to the Nirisianers. This time, Yafalonia and Bazor 2 and Kose and The Turkomans will join Candelaria And Marquez and Nire and Nire for six matches in north-east Candelaria, with the winner being decided by the final table or, if necessary, the drawing of spoons. Kris Healy is believed to have jumped at the chance of inviting a bunch of lower-ranked nations to play friendlies in C&M, in the hope of boosting the squad’s confidence ahead of the awkward games approaching with the Eesseff and Holy Monastic Republic. No-one asked what their opponents’ thought of the matter. They’re not really important.


Forthcoming Fixtures (as known)

Second ‘And’ Tournament

Candelaria And Marquez v. Nire and Nire (Kaleta Online Dome (http://i8.tinypic.com/8ellkjd.png) (cap. 38,838), Caires (http://nationstates.wikia.com/wiki/Caires))
Kose and The Turkomans v. Yafalonia and Bazor 2 (Hilltop Stadium (http://i3.tinypic.com/6tc9c79.png) (cap. 31,093), Clotaire (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/clotaire.html))

Candelaria And Marquez v. Yafalonia and Bazor 2 (McNeil Bingo Arena (cap. 25,119), Caires)
Kose and The Turkomans v. Nire and Nire (Harper Street Stadium (http://i10.tinypic.com/8g9c7eh.png) (cap. 26,600), Clotaire)

Candelaria And Marquez v. Kose and The Turkomans (Hilltop Stadium, Clotaire)
Nire and Nire v. Yafalonia and Bazor 2 (Kaleta Online Dome, Caires)


World Cup 41 Qualifying Group Fourteen

MD1: C&M v. Kolanderaz (Millerman Sheppard Stadium, Albrecht)
MD2: Holy Monastic Republic v. C&M (Dezut Stadium, T’Dezut)
MD3: Zarbli v. C&M
MD4: C&M v. The Eesseff (Estadio Arrigo Nacional, Arrigo)
MD5: C&M v. Algal States (Wallpark Road, Abiodun)
Mid-Qualifying Friendly?
MD6: Kolanderaz v. C&M
MD7: C&M v. Holy Monastic Republic (Estadio Francisco Álvarez, Onwere)
MD8: C&M v. Zarbli (Millerman Sheppard Stadium, Albrecht)
MD9: The Eesseff v. C&M (Hatire Memorial, Capri)
MD10: Algal States v. C&M

***

“So, so-so-so, so, I was thinking, right, mirrors, no?”

Daniel Martino, an elf, looked upon his former employer with vague concern. “Mirrors, Lyndon?”

“Mm. Well, Nire only have one player, don’t they? The kid, José? Now, you know, we can’t have that, that’s just not on! People’ll ask questions!”

“Yes…”

“I mean, granted, the video with Bo Phelps up against the guy from Violotism was all over YouTube, but everyone over here still thinks that that was just an exhibition game. Not like a proper friendly, and like with a cup and stuff at the end of it all! So, we place all these mirrors around the Dome, right, no-one’ll notice, it’s Caires, for heaven’s sake, it–”

“Lyndon, can you limit the number of commas? I find it unnerving.”

“Sorry, yes. No, absolutely, you’re right. I’m just concerned. It’s bad enough the Yafa… the Bazal… them lot’ve got a forward that can fly!”

“We’re going to use wind machines,” Martino told him coldly.

“Wind machines.”

“Yes. Do you see any problems with that, Lyndon?”

“I... No. No, that’s what I would’ve done, actually. Of course, what I’d have done first was make sure this ridiculous competition didn’t go ahead in the first place, but… I suppose that’s what happens when your Minister for Rational Thou–”

“Remedial Teaching.”

“Remedial Teaching, is off gallivanting around in Bostopia. Which, incidentally, I don’t see has anything to do with the World Cup…”

“Not everything involves professional sport, Lyndon. I remember you complaining about that very fact… years ago.”

“Yes… I suppose I did. So, you’ve got plans in place for dealing with the visit from your kith ‘n’ kin, then? And the monksfromanalternatedimension…? And the country with a three year-old monarch?”

Martino attempted to brush over a panicked expression.

“..?!”

“Kolanderaz,” Hernández blushed, “I did a little research… Not that I’m trying to tell you how to do your job, or anything! Free and fair election an’ all that. I’m getting a grip now on my new, long-awaited role as Shadow Secretary for Citizenship & Immigration, and I’ve so doubt that yourself and Mr. Melbourne will do a fine job at –”

“We’re doing fine, Lyndon. We’ve got everything under control. It’s a challenging draw; but a couple of weeks from now – or a year or so, depending on how you look at it – the good folk of the Candelarias will still be none the wiser about the elves and imaginary monks and flying men and fourteen year-old boys. And not even the goblins. Everyone can just sit and scare themselves silly about when and where the next terror attack’s going to come instead.”

“Yes… Yes, that’s good to know.”

Martino coughed. “You know, I wasn’t aware that you actually still had the access codes to the Ministry, Lyndon. Especially now that we’ve changed offices and everything.”

“Um. I’ve still got my key.”

“Mm?”

“Oh.”

Hernández looked down sadly and fished his keys out of his back pocket, removing one from the ring and placing it carefully upon Martin’s outstretched palm.

“It’s nothing personal, you understand, Lyndon. But you know, it’s not as though you work here anymore. For security’s sake, y’know?”

“Yes, no… No, of course. Um. Well, if you ever need me to find some esoteric little file on the weirdness of an obscure little nation somewhere…?”

“I’ll be sure to give you a call. But we’ll be fine. Mr. Melbourne runs a tight ship.”

“Oh.”

Martino watched as, head bowed, Lyndon Hernández MP trudged down the central corridor at the Ministry for Remedial Teaching and out into the Albrecht rain. When he was quite sure the former Minister was out of earshot, he darted over to an M.O.R.T underling, who was huddled over a laptop busily formulating the new rota for feeding Gordon. Martino grabbed his shoulder.

“Sean,” he hissed. “What the avalonde is all this business about Nire only having one player?!”

http://img134.imageshack.us/img134/7993/dailyturkjo0.png
Kose looks forward to the "And" Tournament
With the teams warm up cup against; Candelaria And Marquez, Nire and Nire and Yafalonia and Bazor 2, Sinan Kose sees it as a time to experiment with tactics particularly in the defense and center midfield, with Sinan Kose becoming more and more likely to be used as a midfielder the defense has had a few moves but stays at the same strength with Half a Koc in defense it looks like a staedy ship, but the center midfield has looked to have been the weak spot and will undoubtedly be subject to rotation. However Alhrem is a manager not known for supporting any sort of rotation system, a full report of the cup along side predictions and a preview of our first game against Hockey Canada will be included in tomorrows; Daily Turk, buy one and you get a free kebab.

Green Wombat Daily Tattler

The qualifying draw for the 41st World Cup, to be held in Daehanjeiguk and Ad'ihan, took place yesterday. Green wombat, the benificiary of some controversy just 4 years ago when they made it into the World Cup when a country, who will not be named, withdrew, and the team won a playoff to get in; has drawn the following group:

Group 3
Az-cz (5)
Free Krytenian Rebels (UNR)
Green Wombat (39)
Blouman Empire (56)
Ofedestan (133)
Dancougar (30)

It is a tough group with two-time champions Az-cz, Dancougar, the most impressive newcomer in a while, The Blouman Empire, who plays every team tough and the two low ranked teams of Ofedestan and Free Krytenian Rebels could be good teams as well. It's not the group of death, but it's not far from it.

Schedule:
MD1: vs. Blouman Empire
MD2: @ Dancougar
MD3: @ Free Krytenia Rebels
MD4: vs. Az-cz
MD5: vs. Ofedestan
Mid-Qualifying Break
MD6: @ Blouman Empire
MD7: vs. Dancougar
MD8: vs. Free Krytenia Rebels
MD9: @ Az-cz
MD10: @ Ofedestan

Based on past history and the schedule, the Wombats are not going back to the World Cup. A 5-2-3 record might be the best this team can do.

THE ROCKET REPORT

LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED

Pocono City, Newmanistan- All over the globe, the excitement of World Cup 41 is rising. The nations of Daehanjeiguk and Ad'ihan have been preparing long and hard for the event, and yesterday at Cha Beomgeun Memorial Football Stadium, a recently constructed facility in the Han Empire, the group draw was held. 90 nations, grouped into 15 lots of six would find out their fate. The names were read off, and Newmanistan, ranked #51, would find itself heading into group 13 mixed with familiar and unfamiliar nations. As the Rockets head to their second go-around, they hope to build on what they achieved four years ago. They didn't qualify, but they made a big run, and missed out on qualification on the away goals rule. That could be a tough thing to repeat, and while Newmanistan still doesn't see qualification as an expectation, the fans do expect to see a solid run. It's not an easy group, but at the level, there's no easy groups. Now then, this is what group 13 looks like, with the teams rankings in ( ).


Sqornshelous (4)
Vephrall (26)
Newmanistan (51)
Kose and The Turkomans (53)
United Hetzel (118)
Hockey Canada (No Rank)

So we look at this, and just going off rankings, see the group as being a four team battle. But amongst those four teams, anything can happen. And United Hetzel and Hockey Canada certainly will look to play the role of spoiler. Unfortunately, in our opinion, World Cup 41 qualifying is only taking the top two teams from each group and automatically advancing them. While there's nothing wrong with that if you're a top team, it takes away alot of the passionate meaning for the "next level" teams like Newmanistan and Kose and The Turkomans to get into that third spot and think that they have a shot. United Hetzel and Hockey Canada are really behind the eight-ball as they try to advance. But that's the system, and it's a fine system, nonetheless. Lets take a look at the schedule now, based on the order the Rockets will be playing them.


@ Sqornshelous- Well, the schedule makers certainly wanted Newmanistan get the toughest one out of the way early. The Rockets have absolutely no history with the world's 4th-ranked team, and there may not be much better to kick off that history by going to their country and taking three points. Yeah, that's unlikely, but it doesn't hurt to be optimistic. Can Newmanistan go in there and take a point? Absolutely. The Rockets no longer are intimidated by a team based solely on their rank.


vs Kose and The Turkomans @ Pocono City Stadium- We'll be adding a couple more chapters in what is becoming a classic rivalry between the Rockets and Turks. This time, those chapters will see each team traveling to the other's home turf. The previous meeting between the clubs have been on neutral fields. Those two games will have plenty of meaning as well since both sides are the primary challengers to Sqornshelous and Vephrall. Three points at this stage will be pivotal, too. Tickets will be made available to the public via the lottery system at 8am tomorrow as this game is expected to sell out immediately.

vs Hockey Canada @ Putnam Lake Stadium- Hockey Canada is unranked as they did not participate in the Baptism of Fire. That could make things tough for them, but then again, they could also become another Rennidan, who followed that path four years ago. We trust that Brian Carson and the scouting staff know more about this opponent then we do, because they CANNOT become "another Lithima".


@ United Hetzel- While United Hetzel is qualifying for the first World Cup, and not many other nations are that familiar with them, there actually is a history between them and Newmanistan, just not in football. There was the World Bowl, and the Stock Car league. The nations have seen each other in smaller competitions as well, as L1011 Tristars (A UH puppet not in the WC) borders Newmanistan within the region to the Northwest.

@ Vephrall- Conventional wisdom says that if one of the top two ranked teams falters and allows a nation like the Rockets or Turks to finish second, that it will be Vephrall. And there could be some history there as who can forget the poor start they got off to in their bid to qualify for World Cup 40. Will they use that as motivation to prevent that from happening again, or will history repeat itself? Only time will tell. While the sides have never met in the world's football, they have played that other football against one another. Newmanistan and Vephrall were in the same World Bowl group, with the Rockets winning both home and away.


Mid way point!

MD6 - vs Sqornshelous @ Loudon Stadium
MD7- @ Kose and The Turkomans
MD8- @ Hockey Canada
MD9- vs United Hetzel @ Tundra Falls Proving Grounds ***
MD10- vs Vephrall @ Southport Stadium


***- While some Rockets fans may wonder why the Proving Grounds is assigned the United Hetzel matchup, and not one of the matches against the higher ranked teams, it is being done as a courtesy to United Hetzel. Back in the Stock Car league, United Hetzel expressed disappointment that Newmanistan had not chosen the Proving Grounds as its venue. Though they never asked for it, the Empress decided to make it up to them by inviting them there for the football qualifying game.


The Rocket Report, as you probably were expecting, will have continuous coverage of the World Cup 41 qualifications as they happen.

QBC WORLD CUP XLI COVERAGE

"Hello all, I'm Beck Davidham, and now for the most highly watched part of the World Cup, besides the matches, the preview show!

We polled six former Qazox national players, coaches and officals and each voter weighed each pick with a vote of 7pts for 1st, 5pts for 2nd, 4pts for third, 3pts for 4th, 2 pts for 5th and 1pt for 6th. The number in parentheses is the number of 1st place votes each team recieved in each group. The number following each team is the total # of points. (NOTE: these are NOT the projected points, but poll points based on the criteria listed above)

So without further ado the Group Polls, (with World Cup Qualifers in Blue)

Group 1
Bazalonia (5) 40pts
Wentland (1) 32pts
Prux 24pts
Rennidan 17pts
Kirrin Island 13pts
Tokyoni 6pts

Group 2
Bettia (6) 42pts
Kura-Pelland 30pts
Jariss 22pts
Fujisawan Territories 20pts
Vonks 12pts
Dennisov 6pts

Group 3
Az-cz (6) 42pts
Dancougar 26pts
Green Wombat 26pts
Blouman Empire 20pts
Free Krytenian Rebels (Krytenia) 12pts
Ofedestan 6pts
*Note: Dancougar is placed 2nd based on more 2nd place votes than Green wombat

Group 4
Sel Appa (5) 40pts
Quakmybush (1) 32pts
Septentrionia 24pts
The Macabees 13pts
Gweridijongya 12pts
Dariusville 11pts

Group 5
Cafundéu (6) 42pts
Northern Bettia 29pts
Lovisa 25pts
Frontenax 18pts
Nehrland 12pts
SouthSuburbia 6pts

Group 6
Casari (6) 42pts
Jeru FC 26pts
West Starblaydia 25pts
Kosovoe 21pts
Alversia 12pts
Hryvinia 6pts

Group 7
Zwangzug (4) 38pts
Qazox (2) 33pts
Acapais 25pts
Orion Star Empire (Steel Butterfly) 18pts
Aleos 10pts
Fmjphoenix 8 pts

Group 8
Demot (5) 40pts
UCS–JSY (1) 32pts
Kiryu-shi 24pts
The Islands of Qutar 18pts
Kansiov 11pts
Kenavt 7pts

Group 9
Yafor 2 (6) 42pts
Yafalonia and Bazor 2 30pts
Kelssek 23pts
Arroza 19pts
Unified Beretania 11pts
The Indonesian states 7pts

Group 10
Jeruselem (5) 40pts
Sorthern Northland (1) 29pts
Taeshan 27pts
Nethertopia 18pts
Lithima 12pts
Corivia 6pts

Group 11
Milchama (5) 40pts
The Holy Empire (Alasdair I Frosticus) (1) 32pts
The Pazhujeb Islands 24pts
Kereca 18pts
Naggetski 9pts
Bearbears 9pts

Group 12 Qazox' GROUP OF DEATH
Tynelia (4) 37pts
Starblaydia (2) 33pts
Nire and Nire 22pts
Magnus Valerius 18pts
Ma Raque 16pts
Pablicosta 6 pts

Group 13
Squornshelous (6) 42pts
Vephrall 30pts
Newmanistan 22pts
Kose and The Turkomans 20pts
United Hetzel 9pts
Hockey Canada 9pts

Group 14
Valanora (Elves Security Forces) (6) 42pts
Candelaria And Marquez (27) 28pts
The Archregimancy (36) 26pts
Zarbli (114) 14pts
Kolanderaz (76) 12pts
Algal states (161) 10pts

Group 15
Capitalizt SLANI (5) 40pts
Bostopia (1) 30pts
KaMaRi 26pts
Terreiro de Ogum 18pts
Universitus University (Jey) 10pts
SFRS 8pts

That's all for now, see you @ Chek-Via Stadium in Fromburg for the Fmjphoenix match, tommorrow night at 7:30pm.

SAYINGS OF THE DESERT FATHERS

On Humility

Anthony was confused as he meditated upon the depths of the God's judgements, as revealed in a regrettably tough World Cup draw that pitted the Archregimancy against Valanora and Candelaria and Marquez, and he asked God, 'Lord, how is it that some die young and others grow old and sick? Why are some poor and some rich? Why are there those who are band and rich and oppress the good poor? How is it that after 18 consecutive World Cups we have seen ourselves slide to group third seeds and 36th in the world while even Yafalonia and Bazor 2 are now ranked above us?' He heard a voice saying to him, 'Anthony, worry about yourself and your team; these other matters are up to God, and it will not do you any good to know them.'

Anthony said to his centre forward Poeman, 'Our great work is to lay the blame for our sins and our difficulties in qualification upon ourselves before God, and to expect to be tempted to the final whistle.'

Anthony also said to the full squad, 'I saw the devil's snares set all over our qualification schedule, and I groaned and said, "What can pass through them?" I heard a voice saying, "Humility".'


On Progress in Perfection

A squad member asked Anthony 'What shall we do in order to qualify for the World Cup given this difficult draw?' He replied 'Do what I tell you, which is this: wherever we play, keep God in mind; whatever you do, follow the example of holy Scripture; whomever the opposition, stay in position, and do not move away in a hurry. If you keep these guidelines, our campaign may yet be saved.'


On Sober Living

A squad member said to another 'Valanora and Candelaria and Marquez are like hostile neighbours amd we are like a house. Our opponents continually throw all the dirt they can find into our house. It is our business to throw out whatever they throw in. If we neglect to do this, our house will be so full of mud that we will not be able to get inside. From the moment they begin to throw it in, we must put it out again, bit by bit: and so with Christ's help our house will remain clean, and our goal unbreached.'

Locker Room, Granderson Stadium, 9AM Local Time

"OK men. Before we begin practice, I would like to announce something." The team stood attentively. "The group draws have been announced.

"Finally!" said veteran Justin Taranto.

"We are in a group with world rankings of #13 Dermot, #25 CH JSY, #52 Kiryu-shi, #108 Kansiov, and us-#158, plus what seems to be unranked Islands of Qutar. This is a hard group to us-but this might be the easiest group in the Cup."

"Kiryu-shi? CH JSY? What stupid countries are those?" said youngster Roy Ike.

"Shut up! I will be laughing at you when they beat us? Unless, we prepare. First up today is penalty kicks (a cheer arose) followed by positioning and some new strategy. Any questions?"

"Yes," said Conner da Vincho shyly, the budding superstar of the team. "Erm...schedule?"

"Yes." Coach Quentin turned around to a whiteboard behind him. He wrote:

MD1: Kiryu-shi at Kenavt
MD2: Kenavt at CH JSY
MD3: Kenavt at Demot
MD4: The Islands of Qutar at Kenavt
MD5: Kansiov at Kenavt
MD6: Kenavt at Kiryu-shi
MD7: CH JSY at Kenavt
MD8: Demot at Kenavt
MD9: Kenavt at the Islands of Qutar
MD10: Kenavt at Kansiov

"Now, out onto the field! Our opening game is a week away!"

"But Juan, they're blancmanges."

"Your point being?"

"Well.... blancmanges can't play football, can they?"

"Of course they can Simeone. Just watch this highlight reel... look at this beautiful first time left foot flick to beat the offside trap; this clever little backheel to the central midfielder to set up a 20 metre screamer; this lovely one-blobbed save off a diving header by an opposition forward. Did you ever see anything better in your years in Starblaydia? Just ignore this next bit where they consume a careless groundskeeper Guilhermo."

"But how did they do that? They don't even have limbs... it's like... it's like some horrible warped nightmare."

"Precisely. Not all dreams are pleasant ones, are they?"

"Ah."

"Yes... you understand now, don't you old friend... just because life in the Dreamed Realm is a potential utopian paradise for all residents doesn't mean that every dream we monitor here is about a utopian paradise. Somewhere out there, in some reality, someone - a scared child in boarding school, perhaps - is screaming through a dream about man-eating football-playing blancmanges. And that's the football team we've ended up with."

"I still think ordinary football players would have been easier to coach, Juan."

"Of course you do, old friend. You still have some adjusting to do to your new reality. But we're not the strangest team in the group, you know."

"We're not?"

"No. Have you seen the Milchaman squad? Here - I've printed out a copy of their roster."

"Ah. I see. A banana and a tomato. And pictures of players. Still, their coach seems to be remarkably prescient about their game against us..."

"Why do you say that, Simeone?"

"He apparently said 'Well this is the team we got and I think they are a team that could beat anyone, provided that those anyones are inanimate objects' - like blancmanges, maybe?"

Rennidan: 01:03A.M, Rhyming Couplets Nightclub, Newtown District.

Michael Ronnan, Rennidan's Midfield Hero versus Micah Desono, Rennidan's Bad Boy Defender.

Weapon of Choice: Emperor's Choice, 87% volume alcohol from Rennidan itself.


And this, ladies and gentlemen, is what this is about.

It's you and you against that one guy (who will turn into three guys after the fifteenth) sitting opposite you.

The table in between is stickier than the back of your convertible on prom night.

It all comes down to rhythm in the end, y'know?

Just like on the pitch.

See, who said football didn't give you life skills?

Right now, I'm drinking that Ronnan bastard under the table.

Look at that twat.

Seriously.

He clung to his pappy's coat tails to make it to international fame.

Bastard.

I had to work for it.

I had to work my bloody ass off to become a household name.

To become an international hero.

Ergh, God the room's spinning.

I put effort into what I did.

I'm a goddamned legend...




So what the hell am I doing on the floor?

Uhg.

Head.

Ergh...

I can feel my gut turning.

...

Oh sweet Jesus.

_______________________

http://i280.photobucket.com/albums/kk176/rennidan/Logo-3.png

Rennidan's Front Line: An In-Depth Look at our National Football Heroes.

Episode Two: Michael Ronnan

Statistics:

Age - 23
Sex - M
Height: 6'2"
Weight: 155 lbs
Int. Appearances: 42
Int. Goals: 19

Michael Ronnan, the name is one every schoolchild, every office worker, even every grandpa or grandma knows. Michael Ronnan is a man whose life has constantly been that of media attention. To start with, his father was the best football manager to ever take the helm of Rennidan's national effort. This fact is undisputed. Secondly, he himself has always shown talent with a football. However, whereas his father’s talent lay off the pitch, Michael Ronnan's lay very much on it.

At the ripe age of eight, Michael Ronnan made an international stir when he put a ball past the nation's then-current goalkeeper, Paul Semov, not once, not twice, but a whooping eight times. And Semov was trying as well. Everyone who saw it noticed that Semov was really straining to stop the youngster who hadn't even reached puberty from putting the ball past him. Luckily for Semov, Ronnan's father called him away before the keeper could suffer anymore humiliation. Unfortunately, the damage was done, and Semov was fired after becoming a national laughing stock.

Since then, scouts from clubs around Rennidan (and a few who were dumb enough to risk breaking Rennidan's isolation and enter from outside the walls) hounded young Ronnan, each offering exclusive training contracts for the youngster. At first, Michael coped with it. But when his mother passed away but a year later, the child went into isolation, much like his father.

No one would here from Michael Ronnan for another ten years.

Then, suddenly, out of nowhere, Ronnan was signed and in the public eye again.

The team?

Southern Hawks.

The boy the nation had forgotten had changed into a young man over the years.

And now he was playing with the big boys?

Playing on the same pitch as Ryan Malkoa?

At first, he had his sceptics.

But after the first match, when a long boot from Malkoa set Ronnan up for the run of the century... It was a frenzy.

Sceptics were forgotten, their careers in tatters thanks to their criticism of one of the best players to grace Rennidan's pitches.

Ronnan was a big thing.

Or, at the least, he would have been if he wasn't taking after his father and remaining a recluse.

Shunning both team and media alike, Ronnan became something of an anti-hero. Everyone loved him for what he did on the pitch, but the agreement was unanimous. He was a pompous prick.

So we thought.

Fast forward to Ronnan Senior's death. A tragic incident that would surely affect Rennidan's football chances for years to come?

No.

Absolutely not.

Michael came forward and, for the first time ever, spoke to the media about Rennidan's future.

He quelled the worries any member of the public had.

And for once, people started liking him.

We realized he was charming, and had a sharp wit.

Combine that with his football ability and his flair on the pitch and, ladies and gentlemen, we have a legend in the making.

Meet Michael Ronnan.

Future Superstar.

Draw for World Cup Qualifying announced.
Acapais placed in Group Seven.

Excitement poured throughout Acapais last night when the draw for the World Cup qualifying campaign was announced.

More than 10.93% of the nation was said to have watched to World Cup Qualifying Draw on television hoping and wishing they would not be grouped with a high seeded nation. To the delight of the fans, Acapais avoided the highest ranked nations like Capitalizt SLANI, and Valanora, but still have an uphill battle to qualify.

Having competed only six times, Acapais was placed in Group Seven as the third seed. In a group of six, two other nations have been invited to qualify for the first time. Among the two other nations seeded higher than Acapais, one did not advance out of the group stage of the World Cup proper.

"We got the best group possible when you talk about Acapais qualifying for this year’s World Cup." says manager Stephanie Horne after returning from Ad’ihan after attending the group draw ceremony. "But we can't let that distract us from our goal, winning games. We are going to start today getting ready for Orion Star Empire. Yes, Zwangzug is in our group, but we can beat them if we prepare properly."

Because of Acapais’s run of form in the Cup of Harmony, other nations will look at Acapais as the dark horse of the group and prepare accordingly.

Ninty-two nations (including hosts) entered this year’s World Cup and divided into fifteen groups of six. The top two teams qualify for the final tournament automatically and a play-off will not take place. Ad’ihan and Daehanjeiguk automatically qualify for the final tournament because they are the host nations.

"I am so excited about this year's World Cup. I really think we can win our group." says a walking pedestrian.

Players of the Acapais National Football Team have high hopes for themselves also.

Al Vick Osman says, “We have a great chance for qualifying for the World Cup this summer. We just have to remain focused and do our job.”

Sally Mayfield, sports expert, says, "The teams in this tournament have been playing World Cups for years. Since Qazox is a very solid team, and Zwangzug are just too powerful, Acapais will probably end up in the second quartile just out of range of qualification."

Sally predicts that the two qualifying teams from group seven will be Zwangzug and Qazox. Acapais, she says will end up in third place where they were seeded to begin with. She says Acapais will probably do well in the Cup of Harmony if they are invited.

Group 7:
Zwangzug (10)
Orion Star Empire (Steel Butterfly) (97)
Qazox (24)
Fmjphoenix (UNR)
Acapais (47)
Aleos (64)

Schedule of WCQ matches for Acapais:
Matchday 1: @ Orion Star Empire
Matchday 2: vs. Zwangzug
Matchday 3: vs. Aleos
Matchday 4: @ Fmjphoenix
Matchday 5: @ Qazox
Matchday 6: vs. Orion Star Empire
Matchday 7: @ Zwangzug
Matchday 8: @ Aleos
Matchday 9: vs. Fmjphoenix
Matchday 10: vs. Qazox


Next Match:
vs. Orion Star Empire
Acapais Starters: Hunchman O'Hare (GK); David Franzman , Raphael Giesen, Rex Agitril, Steve Ferrie; Zachary McKellar; Benjamin Nelson, Al Vick Osman; Danny Cole; Jose Castro (C), Dave Lugini;
Available Subs: Paul Junxton (GK), Indigo Hatcher, Irving Gilman, Lenny Sherlock, Emerson Stewart, Dean Chilvers
Head Coach:Stephanie Horne
http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/steel_butterfly.png

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Acapais RP Threads
Roster Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13728516&postcount=25)

Courtesy of my beautiful IGNORE program...

Wang: Oh no! Foreigners! Push the button!

Hwang: Eh, leave it alone. More time to eat popcorn.

Wang: What do you mean?

Hwang: More foreigners means more stupid people!

Wang: These aren't stupid people! They're invading our country!

Hwang: Nah. It's just the World Cup.

Wang: Wait, didn't we already have that?

Hwang: Yeah. It's time for another one now.

Wang: I mean that one with the Monks and the National Football Academy...

Hwang: That was the BoF! Don't you pay attention to anything footy?

Wang: *sighs* I pay attention to my job. And my job is to keep away the invaders and the wanksters.

Hwang: Wanksters?

Wang: You know. The people who launch their nukes first, ask questions later.

Hwang: Oh, you mean the Bostonians?

Wang: Not exactly...

Hwang: I think that they're at war with Candelaria And Marquez.

Wang: You mean the country with the singing beans?

Hwang: Apparently, they stole some ducks.

Wang: Wait, didn't they have ducks before?

Hwang: No. They were mechanical ducks.

Wang: I thought that that was Prux...

Hwang: And you're supposed to pay attention to your job? Geez! If it weren't for me, you'd be nothing here.

Wang: I'd be less confused, that's what I'd be.

Hwang: Speaking of confused, there's a match against Qazox in Ad'ihan.

Wang: I'm going to hate the World Cup.

Hwang: You said that about the DBC...

Wang: And I hated it.

Hwang: Oh, and it seems that the Vonkian FA has turned its management to the poets. Shakesperean, it seems.

Wang: Who is Vonk?

Hwang: Oh, come on! You have to remember the guy who knocked the referee out with a punch! He had to have his balls removed because they were such a mess!

Wang: Ouch. I do remember that.

Hwang: Yeah. That's Vonks. And they still have to pay that fine to the IFA.

Wang: Fine? I don't remember that.

Hwang: They left their coach at the IFA HQ, but we shipped him back first class with the bill.

Wang: I'd say we should just invade Vonks and pillage the money back.

Hwang: Say, that's not a bad idea! *presses button*

Wang: That's not the "Han-conquer-all" buttton. That's the "screw-Candelaria And Marquez" button.

Hwang: I thought that was the "screw-Candelaria And Marquez" button.

Wang: Well, experience tells me that whenever we hit a button, something bad happens to Candelaria And Marquez.

Hwang: Like the terrorist bombings?

Wang: ... No. But I guess we'll have to see what happened now.

SUPER: What the hell just happened? It's raining dung beetles in Vonks!

Wang: Really?

Hwang: I told you!

SUPER: What? Is this a bet now? That's it. Hwang, if you press another button, I will press your button.

Hwang: I have a button?

SUPER: Yes. Now, don't test me. I can't believe you're still acting like children. I'll have to get Shin and Shim back in here after they're done shopping.

Wang: I have a bad feeling about this World Cup...

http://img216.imageshack.us/img216/6695/thejevianbladeqc0.png

HEADLINE NEWS: Jey is back?
Universitus University returns to the World Stage; Preview of World Cup 41 Group Draw

THE IVY GATE OF THE CITY OF UNIVERSITUS In a rather surprising move, Universitus University has returned to the world stage of international soccer play, entering into World Cup 41 as an unranked participant. Jey's limited points after coming in 3rd in the 25th Baptism of Fire have since eroded from relevance after the 2-year hiatus this country has had with the World Cup tournaments. The timing of this re-entry is even more surprising after the obvious unpopularity in Jey and Universitus of the EWCC's decision to reject Universitus' bid to host the 28th Baptism of Fire. Nevertheless, the prefects continue on to the largest international soccer tournament.

The team's entry was shocking to all Jevians, who were left unaware of the university's involvement until the Group Draw was released to the press. Few looked all the way down to Group 15, with "Universitus University (Jey)" glaring back. The announcement of Universitus to sign up for the tournament long ago was never released to the press. Neither was the roster.

When asked of the surprising move, apparent Head Coach Dr. Felix Valden-Luordes, a long-time staff member of The Tildes Skills School at Universitus, said "Surely the timing of the announcement was meant to be surprising, but I don't think this should be anything of a surprise when contemplated. Universitus became unpopular among the international community when we withdrew from World Cup 38, and in my opinion that judgement was justified. We were disrespectful, and that type of behavior does not do well for a University which prides itself with its designation as among the world's finest. We came to an agreement that participation in these tournaments would do wonders for Universitus, especially with regard to its Division of International Initiatives. Perhaps we could expand our International Campuses with increased outreach. And perhaps we could bring home a trophy and a swelling of Jevian pride. We enjoy these tournaments and are ready to compete in many of them--we're a different set of characters with a different mind frame. Win or lose, Universitus will ultimately win."

Though those trophies will not come without a variety of luck and ability:

Group 15 (Nation; Rank)
KaMaRi (42)
Bostopia (20)
Universitus University (UNR)
Terreiro de Ogum (70)
Capitalizt SLANI (2)
SFRS (133)

Universitus makes its entry as the only unranked participant, with the world #2 and other top-50 competitors to tackle for a chance at qualifying through. Players, only half of which have been announced to the team (with most of the reserve squad still facing tryouts), were not available for pre-tournament questioning.

Best of luck to those stars in green.

Ulam Bouicic is a reporter for The Jevian Blade, The Allied Empire's highest rated news source.

Pre-Qualifiers are now cut-off.

http://members.aol.com/soaringeaglesue/SheSaidLineCutNotLionCut.jpg

Scores are now posted (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13756621&postcount=2)

Group draw for 41st World Cup
Well you thought the last few draws for the World Cup were not favorable. The Purple Knights after 5 failed attempts at qualification are pretty much going down the Tigers throat yet again as they face the mighty Jerusalemites for the first time ever, and then to top it of Sorthern Northland so Knights fans it may be a while til you see a Knight team enter the gates of the World Cup.

After the last five cups you thought the Knights now a veteran team might be able to break into the cup, but now it seems it is not in the cards with the group that the Knights have drew. We have already mentioned the two highly favored squads in our group, but now as is the custom we must mention the teams that even us the Mighty Knights that arent so mighty if you will, may be able to defeat. Rounding out group ten are the Nethertopians, the makers of jerseys of whitch the Premiership uses. The Knights will also face the Lithimans who we know nothing of and finally we must consult the nameless and supposingly bodyless ghosts of Corivia of whitch we know not. This qualifying process will be huge in the futures of the whole sporting world, but somehow if the Knights make it through this will be a time to remember always in the halls of the Taeshani world.

A office in Cafundó do Juta, also a home of an important politician. All the lights are off, there is no light coming from inside the apartment, only from outside. A dark place. In this, Paul Badder starts to think about his future as Counselor-Minister of Education of Cafundéu. When he was appointed, he was extremely afraid to be fired, and because of that didn't argue with the Emperor or with his closest allies. But he knew, since then, that this was a wrong decision. As a known professor, Paul Badder had a different view from which would be the ideal future for Cafundéu, but was afraid to expose his ideas. Maybe he would be fired if he didn't stay quiet and accepted the decisions of the Emperor without questioning? Probably. But, if that happened, he wouldn't have problems with his conscience, the problems that he faces nowadays. He wouldn't be one of the 20 Counselor-Ministers anymore, but he could continue in politics, or maybe even abandon that as a whole and dedicate himself to teaching. But... time doesn't returns, and he did what he did. Was it better this way? No one has the right answer.

More than ten years ago, Paul Badder was already a respected teacher, giving lessons of phylosophy and social politics to students of the Jutense University, one of the most influential of the whole country. When giving lessons to his students, Badder avoided to have his classes influentiated by determined political ideas, something that wasn't common, as teachers like him were most socialist, and the ones that weren't clearly tried to convince their students that the Emperor was the solution for all the problems of the country. Not Badder. And maybe that was the reason why he was appointed as Counselor-Minister of Education. But, when inside the political machine, things seemed wrong. The country didn't give importance to its people, giving too much value to money. But this money was produced with the effort of the people, and they were being abandoned by the Empire! What is the money worth, if people live in misery? For the Empire, money was (and is) everything. And, although he disagreed, he didn't complain... until now.

Two months ago, Paul Badder decided to speak. But to speak in a different way that the Emperor and the other Counselor-Ministers were used to hear from him. No more words like "as you wish, your highness", or "if you think so". No. This time, he was going to show what he really thought about the matters that concern the government. When a resolution to give a large piece of land in a forest area to a big company started to be commented by the Counselor-Ministers and the Emperor, everyone seemed to agree with the proposal. The Emperor was going to close the meeting and declare the resolution accepted, when Badder stepped up:

"We can't do that, your highness. This forest is one of the few that still remain in our country, which has already destroyed most of its nature. This time, we must think about other things instead of money. This forest is important for us, the people. The same people that you abandon on the streets, starving to death."

Nothing changed the fact that the resolution has passed. But Badder showed the Emperor that he was going to speak up. And against him. Against however wanted to go against his ideas of a safer Cafundéu, with more respect for people in general and for nature itself. Of course the Emperor didn't like it, and many other Counselor-Ministers didn't too. He still remembers the face of the Counselor-Minister of Commerce Rafael Muniz... he seemed furious.

After this first declaration against the Emperor, Paul Badder decided to go further. Since then, there wasn't a single law or discussion about something that needed the government's attention that didn't have a complaint coming from him, who confronted everyone, decided to show that he was concerned with more than just money. He was concerned with people. Nothing changed in the country itself, but, inside the upper levels of government activity, his reactions provoked controversies among the politicians. Soon he would have a Senator or two coming on his aid, or maybe even a Governor, politicians having the same view of Cafundéu that he has. He said that in a meeting with the Senators, with the aid of Olivier Derrod, former Governor of the Espinal state (and a republican):

"The Emperor has power, I know. He can attack the oppositions with much more strength than we can attack him. But, if we remain quiet, this will last forever. Only with union we will be able to show that Cafundéu can change. The Emperor is only a person. We are a population! A population that has to be heard!"

Maybe he spoke too much? He should refrain himself? Only if he really wants to keep his job, but he doesn't mind about it anymore. In one month, maybe even less, the Emperor will fire him, he knows that. But he did what he thought was right. Maybe his speeches can change something in that corrupt government.

He looks through the windows. What a beautiful night. Cafundó do Juta is really a nice place at night... the lights... but he is in the 37th floor of a building... he isn't looking at the poor people that are sleeping on the cold floor. He knows they exist. He is making an effort to make other see it too. The city is beautiful, but there are ugly things too.

Suddenly, a noise. Coming from where? Because of what? Badder is alone in his apartment, his wife and kids are in his house on the country, in Compos. This must have been the wind. Maybe he is too tired to think about it properly. Only a few more minutes looking at the city and then he will go to bed.

Will he?

Another noise. Coming from the same place. Now Badder is worried. Many things come to his mind. Is someone there?

Someone... to do what?

He decides to take a look. But doesn't have time to walk and leave the living room. A voice comes from the dark:

"Stop right there, Counselor. It's time."

Badder freezes. Time has come, and he knows what is going to happen.

"So you came for this?"

"Sure. I'll be quick."

Three shots. The Counselor-Minister of Education is dead.

Murdered.

By whom?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Info for other countries: venues of games in Cafundéu:

MD01: Obelisco Monumental, in Lasft (cap. 220,000)
MD04: Toca do Tatu (Bola), in Central City (cap. 116,000)
MD05: Arena América, in Abadia (cap. 120,000)
MD07: Estádio Rei Albieri Van Tocco, in Cafundó do Juta (cap. 165,000)
MD08: Maracatuzão, in Dunboor (cap. 135,000)

FAIL Headquaters, And Island.

"The Second Although Slightly Pointless AND Tournament... What's that?" A confused Bob Tresgovsken looked at a somewhat official looking letter from somewhere. The header had previously been ripped off and used as toilet paper.

He was only given shrugs, "oh, wait, here it is, a 4-way friendly tournie between Kose & the Turkomans, canawhosits and Nire and Nire."

"So we should find Lost stadium and perhaps try and find Forgotten stadium and record it's address."

"Hang on, we're not hosting it..."

"What, no apparently the canawhosits are..."

"But, but... AND ISLAND!"

"I know, well perhaps we can do something about that, I just happen to know some Inquisitors."

"Oh, you mean the Nationstates Inquisition that horrendous publication of things."

"Perhaps...."

"Oh, did you see the group draw, you know were up against the Yaforites..."

"Yafo...., oh, you mean Bazorites right?"

"No Yaforites... from Yafor 2."

"You mean...."

"Yes."

"Wow, that means we will play the world number 1."

"What?"

"Yafor 2, that's the name of the first placed team right."

"No, that's the name of ... ah, just forget it.

"Alright forgotten."

SCOTTY: Sportscenter hits the reset button, and we take you back to the top stories of the day. The World Cup 41 qualifying draw is done, and the Wings will begin their march to the big dance against a top five team. Nothing's ever easy in the world of international football, and for more, we've brought in Steve Teebone. So, Steve, let's get the big question out there first, and then work out way up to the answer. Do the Wings get back to the World Cup?

STEVE: I think they do, Scotty, but it isn't going to be pretty. Group three may turn out to be one of the toughest groups in the cup when you look at the quality in the middle. There's a huge gap between Az-cz and the rest, so they're everyone's pick for the first seed, and we can't really blame them for that. But then you have Dancougar, Green Wombat, and Blouman Empire all slugging it out for that second spot. Rankings aside, and they weigh in pretty closely, we've seen enough in previous cups to know that all three are capable of getting a result.

SCOTTY: And the Wings got results against another high-ranking team in the last cup, upending Cafundeu in the first match of qualifying and then again in the World Cup itself. Can they repeat the feat against Az-cz?

STEVE: I don't think so, and actually, the Wings will need to be careful not to get off to a slow start. They have to start at Az-cz - you can almost certainly put them down for zero points there - and then home to Green Wombat, which despite the way they did it, were still a World Cup team last time around. If they don't get a positive result there, I think it becomes an uphill battle the entire way, and even the Wings will be hard-pressed to try and work out of a five or six point hole.

SCOTTY: Well, let's look at the team, now. The Wings and Charles DuPont are parting ways with the college squad, as all players on the team are now professional to some degree. About half of them will be coming from overseas, while the rest are a part of the new D-League. And in the overseas guys, you're starting to really see some quality play out of Ikeda and Leyton.

STEVE: Absolutely. Ikeda has helped America get to a cup final in Cafundeu, and Leyton made the Silver Cup Best XI in Elves Security Forces, which is the highest domestic honor anyone from Dancougar has won to date. And Leyton is a guy who quietly plays at a very high level. He's never been the flashy guy in the midfield like Morimoto, but he gets his goals and marshals the attack very well. The Wings will look at him to be the leader, and for a guy who's nearing the end of his international career - this is his third World Cup, mind you - I think he's in a great position to pass on his experience to this crop of young pros.

SCOTTY: Headlining that list are two guys who made their debut at the last World Cup, Jinguuji and Watanabe, both in Cafundeu now.

STEVE: Yeah, Clube Imperial are grooming Yuji Watanabe to replace the venerable Imon Julie, and while his reflexes are pretty quick, he still tries to jump the play sometimes. He needs to calm down and make good judgments; he's got all the tools he needs otherwise to be a good 'keeper. One of the question marks lingering over this team is its defense - you saw it at the Oxen Cup, they couldn't stop opponents from scoring. Quite a few of that team are here, now, and if they abandon Watanabe, we'll be in for a very different performance than we got four years ago.

SCOTTY: And we've seen most of the guys in the midfield already. Boskov is back, as is Morimoto. Whittaker returns on the opposite wing, so plenty of options for the Black Wing attack. But a few of the new faces are on defense, and they arrive in the form of Casey Berber and Sho Yukikaze. Two young defenders on a back line that never really seems to firm up. Is it a good idea to be switching up the defense when it's almost certainly the team's weak point?

STEVE: It's Charles DuPont trying to find something that works, and it's really up to Brandon Barclay to try to get those guys working together. Berber and Yukikaze are the kind of young energetic guys that DuPont went with in the last tournament, and it seemed to work all right. But by going to a 4-4-2 instead of the 4-3-3 or 3-5-2 we've seen in previous tournaments, DuPont is trying to address the defensive issues even though he really likes the kind of lively attacking football that the Wings were starting to bring in the last World Cup, and even in the first stages of the Oxen Cup.

SCOTTY: They do say that defense wins championships.

STEVE: Not for the Wings, it won't. Although they'll need to tighten up at the back if they want to take any points from Az-cz. And even against Green Wombat and Blouman, they'll need to be careful and play good, solid football. Green Wombat have been a good middle-tier team for a long time, now, and they're very close, I think, to breaking through. As for the Blouman Empire, we saw their Corrimal Rangers do very well in the Oxen Cup. Held the Wings to a 1-1 draw at a point where they were putting in three or more a game. Now that they've got a full national team together, look for them to be a dark horse in this Group Three.

SCOTTY: But you do think that the Wings have enough to get second in the group?

STEVE: If they get a draw against Az-cz in the away opener, it will be a good sign. But realistically, if they can take three points from the first two games, it will be a win. At the end of the day, I think the Wings are strong enough on offense with Whittaker and Morimoto both serving the forwards. Watanabe should be the difference maker in close games. I think it will come down to the last game in group play, at home against the Blouman Empire, and they'll win it to get second place and the berth to World Cup 41.

SCOTTY: Steve Teebone, always good talking football with you. Okay, so Az-cz and Dancougar to go through from Group Three, but there's fourteen other groups out there. Let's talk to the swami, Craig Boomer, for his qualifying round picks.

CRAIG: World Cup fever has descended once again, and fortunately for the fans of the beautiful game, there's no cure. All we can do is live through it until the next global pandemic, four years hence. A little Asian flair this time around, as Adi'han and Daehanjeiguk serve as hosts. Fifteen groups again, only this time, no super playoffs. Two teams go through, so no controversy; just go out and win, that's the message. And for thirty teams, the ultimate reward awaits in the form of a World Cup berth.

In Group One, the Bazalopes will look to follow up their surprise run to the finals with a return to the big show, and to do it, they'll hold off Wentland and Prux to do it. Prux and the Roboducks will look to pass the ultimate Turing Test - will we mistake their programmatic genius for true human artistry on the pitch? They'll certainly give Wentland a run for their money, although I'm not ready to pick them yet. Instead, they and Rennidan will beat up on each other for third place honors.

A wide open Group Two with no clear favorite! Well, maybe Bettia aren't looking as dominant as they used to, but they won't let themselves get left behind Kura-Pelland or Jariss. As far as challenging Kura-Pelland for second, I think the Fujisawan Territories have a better shot than Jariss, but it's still an outside one. But a few upsets and this group could get jumbled very quickly; we will certainly be keeping our eyes open.

Group Four looks cut and dried, with only Septentroinia posing any kind of threat to Sel Appa and Quakmybush. The Turtles are on tap to drop out of international competition soon, and they'll want to go out on top.

In Group Five, we have Cafundeu looking to rebound after what was, by their standards, a disastrous World Cup showing. Bounced in the first round by the Black Wings, of all people, and it cost Caio Mebeck his job. Old man Flecha is still running the show, but something doesn't feel right about the team. They're losing their swagger and their passion... or is it just a phase? In a group which only really has three contenders, I think they can get back on track. If they hold off Lovisa, they'll be dancing the samba in Lasft.

Casari owns Group Six, which looks a lot like Dancougar's Group Three. West Starblaydia and Jeru FC will battle it out, and I look for the army boys to fall at the finish line again and wind up making another run through the Cup of Harmony, as the nation formerly known as Krytenia will want to avenge a poor showing as the host of World Cup 40. I don't see them playing with any less passion than before, even with tensions running high at home, and the presence of a Free Krytenia in the tournament's qualifying rounds.

In Group Seven, we'll have some good matchups, with Acapais looking to follow up their Cup of Harmony triumph with a World Cup berth. But they'll have to do in in one of the more balanced groups in the tournament. Aleos and the Orion Star Empire will have a shot and pulling off a few upsets, and a tough, and young, Qazox side could make things tight in the middle. Not even Zwangzug are safe at the top, although I definitely have them as one of the two qualifiers.

Jasiyun and Demot will come out of Group Eight, as I think both are better than their rankings indicate. Kiryu-shi, despite a solid middle-tier rank, doesn't have the quality, I think, to tangle with these two.

An intriguing matchup in Group Nine, as Yafor 2 take on Yafalonia and Bazor 2... will FAIL fail to fail this time around? They seem to be in a good position to make a run at the finals, provided they can fight off Kelssek and a fresh Arroza side. Having seen Yafor 2 firsthand at the last tournament, we can say that they're tough to beat. Imon Julie is a wall, but will age be a factor against these young guns?

Nethertopia will look better in their sophomore campaign, but they won't crack the top two in Group Ten, with the Princesses of Jeruselem surviving the transition from Dallas to Sallad quite well. Southern Northland look to be righting the ship after a disappointing World Cup 40 campaign, and they might have something there. The Taeshan Purple Knights, still looking for the breakthrough, will be hard pressed to get it unless they can string together some impressive wins.

Even with a banana in front of goal, Milchama are in the driver's seat in Group Eleven, and will not be knocked from their perch by any of these challengers, even the man-eaters of the Holy Empire. True, the fierce team of blancmanges is a little unorthodox, but we've seen sentient food play at this level already, and while we're at it, we've had men in tanks unable to find the back of the net - although they might have found the legs of their opponents.

Group Twelve could be tight. Tynelia and Starblaydia will be the favorites, although we could see a bit of fight from the muddled middle. Nire and Nire are far from out of it, and Magnus Valerius could mount a challenge as well. The hosts from four years ago will be hoping to make the finals alongside their western protectorate, although they're an upset away from staring at elimination.

Group Thirteen looks to be one of the strongest in the tournament, and it's not because of Squornshelous, perennial terrorizers of group stage opposition, or Vephrall, who caught fire after a terrible start into their World Cup 40 campaign. No, it's the sophomore sides Newmanistan and Kose and the Turkomans, who will renew a red-rot rivalry with a pair of highly charged qualification games already expected to sell out. If they can catch Vephrall off guard, either can make the final cut - the team which gets the better of the other will be the challenger. And a strong one, make no mistake. But will Vephrall make the same mistake as last time and come out flat? I don't think so, but anything can happen. Both the Turks and the Rockets show great promise at this level, and it's only a matter of time before they make the final tournament.

Valanora will breeze through Group Fourteen and return to defend their World Cup title, but who will follow? Candelaria and Marquez are always an interesting team to deal with, and will certainly not want to return to the Cup of Harmony. But my money is on the desert fathers of the Archregimency, who will challenge opponents not only with their skill, but with their environment! The winds and shifting sands are the perfect setting for their acrobatics and smooth play, but will the rest of the group adapt?

And finally, Group Fifteen. And second-ranked Capitalizt SLANI, bounced from their perch by Valanora's World Cup victory, will breeze back to the finals and look to reclaim their throne. And I fancy Bostopia to join them. They don't appear to be preparing for any wars this time around, but knowing that country, we'll see how long that lasts. They're at their best when they're fighting both on and off the pitch, and I see them joining SLANI in the final field.

All right, that'll do it for the Swami's World Cup qualification preview. Now we send it back to Sportscenter.

QSPN FRIENDLY COVERAGE

"I'm Jack Ericssen, and despite losing our World Cup coverage to QBC, we here at QSPN are proud to bring to you coverage of a pre-qualifier friendly between Qazox and Daehanjeiguk.

There is not much history between the two sides, but that shouldn't make this game any less meaningful as the Pheonix look to win a friendly vs. a co-host for the first time.

The teams are on the field here in Ad'ihan, the country that is the other co-host of this cup and the referee blows his whistle and they are ready to play..."

<Match cut-forward>

"It's still scoreless here in the 55th minute and the ball is out of play, meaning that Willow Farmwald should be coming in for Stevie Spingler as Coach Ryan Greenley looks to increase the offensive pressure. Farmwald takes the throw from Reyes...finds Jaus along the left side... Jaus is pressured by the defense, lifts it high for Tarricone.. and GOOOOOOOOOAL!!! Tarricone with the bicycle kick from the leader from Jaus makes it 1-nil Pheonix and the momentum has changed!!!"

<Match cut-forward>

"We're here in the 88th minute of play, still 1-nil Qazox, but the Pheonix are fighting their way forward inch by inch and the defense is running wild trying to cover the field as best they can. Even after Daehan went a man down since the 63rd, when Kallie Jaus was intentionally tripped by Kim Donghyeon, and she had to be replaced with newcomer Raul de Olivares, the momentum has been in the Han's favor. Raul de Olivares, from the junior squad of FC Fromburg has been twice taken down hard, but no call yet. de Olivares gets the throw in from Tarricone and once again he's down.. but here comes the ref and shows the yellow to Kim Yongji and there will be a free kick. Renna Valladores lines up her shot, the wall is in place and here it comes... Blocked by the keeper, right to de Olivares...and...GOOOOOOAL! Raul de Olivares in his first cap has gotten his first goal here in the 90th minute to make it 2-nil and that should almost do it for this match!"

<Match cut-forward>

"A great match for the Pheonix as they defeat Daehanjeiguk 2-0 in this friendly. Though this will be the last Pheonix broadcast for QSPN, we hope that you do tune into QBC to watch this very exciting team try to make history in the 41st World Cup. From all of us here at QSPN, for all us that have worked these matches over the last 60 years, we simply bid you adieu."

Summary:
Sub: Qazox- Farmwald for Spingler 55'
Qazox: (Goal) Tarricone 57'
Daehanjeiguk: Red Card Kim Donghyeon 63'
Sub: Qazox- de Olivares for Jaus 65'
Sub: Daehan- Kim Jingyu for Baek Jihun 72'
Daehanjeiguk: Yellow card Kim Yongji 88'
Qazox: (Goal) de Olivares 90'

KENNETH: That'll do it for previews, but what's better than a preview? Actually seeing the teams on the field! Pre-qual friendlies, and this one just went final. Newmanistan, traveling to Yuki City. The Wings, looking for Oxen Cup revenge. And both teams want a piece of that... the challenge cup crafted specifically for games between the Rockets and Wings, the Golden Ambiguous Bird in Skates! Who flies off with this one? Early first half, and the Rockets waste no time setting the tone. Lewis wins the ball in midfield and finds McAllister making a long run. Behind Yukikaze, and the flag goes up. But take another look - Sho catches a lucky break, as McAllister had a clear path to goal on a well-timed run. Rockets cutting everything out. Leyton tries the through ball, but there's Chapman to take possession. Carrigan takes a crack from thirty, and it bends just wide. Wings with no shots on goal in the first twenty minutes! The Rockets had three, and one of them was this effort from Kevin Lewis. Minute eighteen. And he's into the box, gets it around Weatherford, and slips it behind Watanabe for the goal. It's 1-0 to the Rockets.

SCOTTY: Should be a signal for the home team to wake up and get something done, but the Rockets continue to dominate the midfield. Spot shadow on Akira Morimoto. Trying to make a run down the left side, but he has to contend with Brett Prescott. Prescott, maybe a little tug of the jersey, but the referee isn't interested. Morimoto, frustrated. Then, minute thirty, Prescott strikes again. This time he gets the square ball, give and go... and the give right back to the other Kevin, Kevin Carrigan, and it's 2-0. Watanabe caught going one way, Yukikaze tries to clear it off the line, no go. And the home fans are stunned. Wings try to wake up, and they get their first real chance just before the break. Dylandy takes the throw in, taps it back to Leyton. Leyton fires a long cross into the box, and Jinguuji gets a head on it... but over the bar. Didn't get a clean hit on it.

KENNETH: Now, if you take a look at Hideo Ikeda throughout the first half - not making runs, not hitting the ball cleanly. So DuPont yanks him at halftime in favor of Shiro Furuya, but would that make any difference? Furuya, working on Mark McCafferty. Trying to find some space... nuh-uh. Later, trying to spring Boskov down the left side, but the ball tackled away. The Rocket defense was unbreakable until minute fifty four. This time, Morimoto gets a step on Prescott and starts a run down the right side of the field. Pulls it back, and leaves it for Boskov. Boskov, challenged, finds Leyton in the middle of the field. He pulls the trigger, and it's a goal! Jericho Leyton gets one back, and take another look, this one takes a nasty bend to the left. Corey Hennis was screened and didn't see the ball until too late, and no way was he getting to it. Top shelf, left side, Leyton makes it 2-1.

SCOTTY: But just as they did in the Oxen Cup, the Rockets keep their cool. Prescott goes in for the tackle on Jinguuji... play on, says the referee. He works the ball up field, has time, has space. Late challenge from Casey Berber, and that'll be a yellow card and a free kick to the Rockets. Minute sixty six. Carrigan steps up and takes it. Over the wall, and Watanabe makes the save. But he gives up the rebound, and Lewis taps it in for the 3-1 lead. Hands go up, but the flag stays down, and this one's on Yuji - that's a save you have to make, and hold on tight. Lewis gifted the goal, and Charles DuPont... obviously not happy with his team right now.

KENNETH: Wings scramble, minute seventy three, Berber fires a long ball and Jinguuji escapes his man, and he's onside. Jinguuji, looking for help. McCafferty gets back. Googe lays it off for Whittaker, and his effort sails high and wide. Then, Lyle Dylandy, who came on for Boskov to provide more offense, finds a pass he likes. It's through the middle to Furuya, and he pulls the trigger... right into the waiting arms of Hennis! An open goal, but he shoots straight at the 'keeper. But the Wings get it right in minute eighty. Corner kick. Morimoto lifts it into the box, and who else would get to that - Shishio Jinguuji! Listen to that crowd - Goooooooooge! The header makes it 3-2, and there's life in the stadium yet. He leaps over everyone and hits it down; Hennis didn't even move.

SCOTTY: Ten minutes to tie it, but the Wings almost give up a fourth. Heavy attack for the Wings, with Leyton leading the way. Squares it to Whittaker. His cross is over everyone, and Brooker clears easily. But Yukikaze slips, and now it's McAllister with an open run on goal! Watanabe, though, heads up play - he comes out of the box, and McAllister lifts it for the far post... misses by inches! And you know he wants that one back, but he hits it with the outside of his foot, a little too much on it. One last chance for the Black Wings, into injury time, and a corner kick. Jinguuji goes for it, but it pops straight out. Morimoto takes a crack from thirty yards out, but it deflects off Furuya and out for a goal kick. The inaugural winners of the Golden Ambiguous Bird in Skates are the Newmanistan Rockets! They beat the Wings at home by a score of 3-2. Afterward, Charles DuPont breaks it down for a disappointed media.

CHARLES: We let them control the flow of the game right from the start. We knew coming in that they were a good team. They've beaten us before, and we fielded a lot of the same players today, although the finally margin really hides the difference in quality. They came hungry. They won the loose balls, they created more chances. It's going to take some real work to get ready for Az-cz.

LEYTON (10th international goal): They kept us busy in the midfield. Prescott's a monster, man, but he's not stupid. He knows what he can get away with, and it's on us if we can't adjust. Obviously we need to take a good long look at that tape and figure out what went wrong, because we can't afford to be taking these games for granted.

KENNETH: Steve Teebone is back with us, and he's seen the highlights. Steve, what did you see out there?

STEVE: Well, it was certainly disappointing to drop a match at home. Newmanistan isn't a gimme by any means, although you thought that this team would have a little more fire in them after getting bounced in the Oxen Cup by this same side. But it was very clear from the opening whistle that this was Newmanistan's game to loose. The Wings weren't fighting as hard for the fifty fifty balls, and they weren't creating any scoring chances. And that's because they had no answer for Brett Prescott. He plays good physical football, he makes sure he's nagging you wherever he is on the field, but most importantly, he knows how to foul intelligently. To the untrained eye, he's just a grunt, but Prescott was able to deny the Black Wing midfielders the time and space they wanted to set up attacks. And up front, Ikeda was an absolute non-factor, which isn't a good sign because he is this team's number one goal scorer.

KENNETH: Steve, what types of adjustments will the Wings need to make against Az-cz?

STEVE: They need to play with the same hopeless energy as a team taking the field for the first time. They're not the new kid on the block anymore. Teams aren't going to be surprised by them anymore, and they're going to play the Wings that much tougher in order not to give up their own territory. They need to want it as bad as Newmanistan did. The Rockets came close to qualifying in their first go, and they took a much harder path to the Cup of Harmony than the Wings did to the finals. The difference is in spirit. The Wings need to show more if they want to return to the World Cup.

SCOTTY: Steve Teebone, thanks for your insight, as Sportscenter works overtime to bring you other friendly results...

http://img187.imageshack.us/img187/8029/dailyturkpy7.png
Turks Earn Memorable Victory, As They Lose 2/3 Matches.
The Turks finished third ahead of the Wooden spoon Yafalonia and Bazor 2 who they beat 2-1 after some memorable play from Serkan Turkmen who added a goal to his international tally from a 4th minute free kick. then the Y&B2 started attack sown the wings and after much build up play a lovely strike earned them the equalizer before half time.

It was in the second half that the coach made a controversial decision subbing off Sinan Kose and bringing on Volkan Erkan who made an instant impact hitting the woodwork with his first touch. This had set the tone for the second half and with a lack of forward momentum Y&B2 were effectively defeated in all matters but the score. However this changed in the 72nd minute when Volkan Erkan scored, pouncing on a defensive mistake and taking the goal well.

The other two games resulted in mild defeats and were not note worthy, Sinan Kose was benched and did not play for the next two games "Due to a hamstring issue."

Match Predictions.
H: Vs Hockey Canada @ Desantepe Stadi
This should be an easy win no question: 3-0
A: Vs Newmanistan
The rivalry continues with a draw: 0-0
H: Vs United Hetzel @ Desantepe Stadi
another easy win: 3-0
A: Vs Vephrall
Harder but we could hold out for a draw: 0-0
H: Vs Squornshelous @ Sultan Ibrahim XIII Stadi.
They may be one of the best in the world but with the ultrAslan making sure there will be noise, draw: 0-0
Mid Break.
A: Vs Hockey Canada
Easy: 3-0
H: Vs Newmanistan @ Sultan Ibrahim XIII Stadi
Perhaps edged for the win: 1-0
A: Vs United Hetzel
Easy: 3-0
H: Vs: Vephrall @ Sultan Ibrahim XIII Stadi
A win for the home fans: 2-0
A: Vs Squornshelous.
oh a defeat is all we can see here: 0-2

thats 21 points in the qualifying, it might be enough to push us through.

Match Preview: Vs. Hockey Canada.
Many people are seeing this match as they easiest out of them all, but Alhrem will still preach caution when taking on this weaker opponent, with the Desantepe faithful singing loud and clear the message will be "Welcome to Hell" hell being the first world cup campaign which we have got out of our way. We are now looking at a match that should be dominated from start to finish by our superior players with midfield play makers like Sabri and Turkmen and solid defenders like: Uzulmez Yilmaz and the young energy provided to the back line by Pembe Aykut and last and by no means least the strike force of Sinan Kose looking increasingly likely to be match fit for the game. All in all this is a uneven match which will go in our way.

Result: K&TT 3-0 HC

Hilltop Stadium, Clotaire

"What do you mean Miso Kite isn't here?"

"I mean precisely that, Miso Kite is not in this current location."

"I know that, I don't see him, but where is he?"

The generic unnamed staff member just shrugged as he looked blankly at Bob Tresgovsken...

"Do you want me to get Noh'arms and the defenders onto you? Tell, what do you know?!"

"He took his personal jet, flying it himself (he's so awesome not only does he have a personal jet but he fly's it himself), and has never been seen since. He took off from Sid-on-sea and who knows where he is now. He's not been seen since."

"You already said that."

"Oh, I did, well, I meant he hasn't been picked up by any known or unknown Control Tower."

"Whgat how do you know that he wasn't picked up on any unknown control tower?"

"I just know alright stop hastling me and let me get back to work.

Result: 2-1 Loss against K&TT

McNeil Bingo Arena

"Legs 11, Legs 11" a random Bingo caller called out to a packed hall with hundreds of old people playing Bingo.

"BINGO!"

"Are you sure this is the right place, doesn't look like there's any grass here at all." queried Racheal Kneal as she wondered around the 'pitch'.

"This is the McNeil Bingo Arena, isn't it?" Bob asked a random passer by.

"This is the Old McNeil Bingo Arena... wait hang on, I know you your Santa Claus!"

"What? No, I'm Bob Tresgovsken of FAIL."

"Wait, if this is the Old McNeil Bingo Arena then... Who is playing for us against C&M?"

"What days the match anyway, it um, MD 3901, well no wonder, this is MD 3900, The match is tomorrow."

The next day, confusion reigned, though less so, enough that it did result in a 1-all draw with C&M

Kaleta Online Dome

"Are you sure this is theright way to get into the stadium?"

"It is an Online Stadium so of course a Telnet session is the best way into it..."

"But it has a physical address right here, it's in Caires for christ sake"

"It's only an illusion."

"Like Lumchtime?"

"Doubly so."

In the meantime it seemed that the match was underway at the real stadium, the full team playing against the single Nire and Nire team member.

~~~~ Somewhere underground ~~~~

"Excellent, these heathen are starting their frivalous tournment... It's time brothers for us to rise from the underground."

"Kiso Night is out of the picture."

"Good we can't have him ruining our plans can we."

Evil laughs started to eminate around, it soon was a cacophony of sound as unnumbered people joined in.

"Hey, knock it down you guys down there, we're trying to work." Someone yelled from above through a trapdoor whom was also hit with the heel of a boot making an almost knocking sound.

"Sorry"

They paused for a moment and then continued to laugh, this time, much quieter

Mark Tupper, hired as the new team manager after the previous one was driven to insanity by Football Kelssek's arcane carpe diem scheme and took a post with Kirkenes FC, grimaced and groaned his way through the friendly, but goalless draw.

--INTERMISSION FOR HAIKU--

Goalless though it is
This result never compels
Manager to quit

It is always a
Convergence of many bad
Occurrencing things

----

The final whistle blew. He spit out his gum and secured it on the underside of his chair, then moved to shake the hand of the Septentrionia manager. "Do... not... headbutt...," he muttered to himself, and with the social formalities complete he groped in his pocket for more gum.

He threw the empty packet into a trash bin with disgust.

OLORUM - "What's wrong? We're not receiving so much attention later, at least not as much as we should."

XANGÔ - "These are hard times for us, my father. The people of Terreiro de Ogum are having their attention directed at another thing."

OLORUM - "And which thing could be more important than to ask for our help, if we are capable of everything, we can make their lives better?"

IEMANJÁ - "Lately, they haven't made so many rituals calling me like they usually make this time of the year. I sense as if they have lost confidence on us. Anyway, Exú will soon come with an answer."

OLORUM - "I'm looking forward for this. The orixá realm seems quiet now, this makes me think that something very wrong is happening."

EXÚ - "My dear orixás, Olorum my master. I have arrived and can tell you what is happening with the people of Terreiro de Ogum."

OGUM - "So tell us! Something must be done!"

EXÚ - "Lately, they have been commenting a lot about the World Cup of football, talking about the group draw, about the fact that they are in the last group again and in the same group of Capitalizt SLANI, and that it'll be difficult for them to qualify. Many people trust that we can help, but they say that the results will be the same of the last cup."

OLORUM - "If they ask our help, we won't do more than we did last time, even if this affects our reputation."

NANÃ - "That's why many people have stopped making rituals and offerings for us. They're losing confidence."

XANGÔ - "The answer is not to give them what they want. This wouldn't help them, they need to use their faith to get the desired success."

OGUM - "So, we need something in this World Cup that will bring back their faith on us, and do them make rituals again."

IYAMI-AJÉ - "What to you suggest?"

OGUM - "A messenger."

EXÚ - "One of us?"

IEMANJÁ - "Or a normal citizen of our country, but blessed with our powers?"

XANGÔ - "If we all bless him or her..."

OLORUM - "So be it! There will be a messenger, a chosen one to bring these people of Terreiro de Ogum back to us!"

IT IS STARTING

After the long long long wait, the World Cup is once again televised in Dennisov. Although the sport never died out in our nation, many other sports have long since taken over as the main sport. The players that once won the World Cup are a mere distant memory, players' names mostly forgotten, only mentioned in books written on the subject.

It is time for some new heroes, some new stunning pictures, some new epic battles. It is time for Dennisov to make it return to football's elite, it is time for the World Cup.

The qualification for the World Cup is about to start. General Manager Trudy Dimsdale has selected 23 players for the first couple of games.

Dennisov Sports Associaton, currently without a professional league for football, has issued in a statement that they hope that Dennisov will return to the main tournament in the near future, but realises that the world of football has changed dramatically over the year. As Dennisov's largest sports broadcaster, we will give you up-to-date information on the progress of Dennisov's renewed World Cup activities.

Friendly Success Buoys Vonkian Spirits

The Vonks national football team was today reportedly in good spirits after a friendly match against a superior team resulted in an impressive 2-0 win.

The team travelled to Taeshan, excited by what midfielder, bus driver and spiritual guru Xerxes Astanopoulos described as "a very, very good sign" - an unexpected and unexplained rain of dung beetles pouring down on the team's converted triple-decker bus as they departed on their journey. "The government and those corrupt, pig-headed health and safety inspectors have been complaining for years about the way the toilets on my bus flush directly onto the streets," the fifty-one-year-old eccentric explained. "These friendly dung-beetles, doubtless sent by some football-appreciating nature god or goddess, will clear away the abundant human faeces the team deposits onto the roads of Vonks whenever we travel to a game. It's unquestionably a good omen, and I will be encouraging all the team to perform an ancient nude ritual of thanks, involving body paints and umbrellas, while we drive to Taeshan."

It is unclear whether the ritual was participated in by the 23-strong squad, the manager, the five travelling fans and the two hitch-hikers who crammed into the bus, as they all refused to talk about it afterwards to reporter Gordon Bourdon, who didn't travel to the game due to a headache. However, the journey was not uneventful. A misreading of the map had led Astanopoulos to believe that he would be able to drive his bus directly to the X Island Metropark, whereas in fact there turned out to be a large body of water in the way. All 63 hands had to be busy sealing up the windows and doors with putty, and then plugging numerous leaks, in order to convert the bus into submarine mode so that the journey could be completed.

When the team arrived, three minutes before kickoff, manager Vaskoveyvanitsch selected a team consisting of the first eleven players to find his cigarettes, which had been scattered around the three floors of the bus during the journey. Luckily, this turned out to be a well-balanced, attacking team who played well against a Taeshan side clearly experimenting with different formations in preparation for the World Cup.

The Purple Knights started brightly, with an early chance on goal from Ryan Williams and Hele scrambled away by four-months-pregnant goalkeeper "Dennis" and a goalline clearance from "Spiders" Fajuyi, but the Vonkian defensive line of Waltinger, Roland, Khudanpur and Bradshaw worked together surprisingly well and closed down the Taeshan strikers with an unusually competent display.

The five Vonkian fans who had come to the game (a slightly disappointing figure probably caused by the distance between Vonks and Taeshan, the fact that the game was televised live and the staggeringly high markup put on ticket prices by the Vonkian FA) were thrilled when Vonks, taking advantage of frailties in a Taeshan defence made up of reserve players, broke through to score a splendid goal. Created as usual by a Xiaoshan Gao run leaving his marker flat-footed, a looping cross was headed against a post at close range by Henry Anderson but fell kindly for an Olav Bersvendsen tap-in.

Taeshan made numerous substitutions at half-time, but Vaskoveyvanitsch chose to keep the starting eleven, possibly being too distracted by his decision to intervene in a fight up in the stands between reserve defender Pål Ingebritsen and a Vonkian fan who had allegedly looked at Ingebritsen in a funny way. This fight, which lasted from just before the interval until the end of the game, involved the use of knives, hammers, mediaeval halberds and small boulders and demolished a significant portion of the almost-empty visitors' seating, but caused no injuries to anyone except a passing pigeon (which stubbed its toe on a discarded mallet, but seemed to be okay after a while).

Further confirmation that this randomly-chosen team was able to work together better than any Vonkian lineup previously fielded came in the way that captain Werner Borr and Hardip Singh bounced the ball back and forth between them up the pitch before passing through to Gao, who slotted in a calm and confident goal to make the score 2-0 just before the final whistle.

The Vonkians celebrated exuberantly and alcoholically before making the journey home, which might explain why during the underwater stage of the trip the bus sprang a leak and arrived back in Vonks full of seaweed and fish. A shark had got on board and eaten a sandwich belonging to Gerhard Lippert, as well as the legs of one of the travelling fans, but the players were none the worse for wear.

The final friendly before the World Cup qualifying campaign begins in earnest, is a home game against the military might of Jeru FC, which will be held on a "pitch" constructed of planks strategically placed up in the top of the largest trees in the Vonkian National Forest. It is thought that the soldiers, accustomed to skirmishing tactics and hiding behind natural obstacles like the many protruding branches, will be at an advantage against a Vonkian team mostly afraid of heights and nervous of the many squirrels and birds of prey that live in the treetops. However, the team will give a first start for some time to blind goalkeeper Roman Ciano, on the grounds that the heavy foliage will make visibility poor anyway.

The match will be reported in full tomorrow.

Alfredo: You look kinda ill there Sadie.
Sadie: I don't like heights ...
Alfredo: Yeah, we came to Vonks to play football in a stadium and not in tree tops.
Sadie: I like my football at ground level.

Alfredo: You did well to play 90 minutes of football with air sickness.
Sadie: I don't feel very well.
Alfredo: I think you'd better get some sleep then. You'll feel better after we get off this damn tree.
Sadie: At least I didn't fall off this damn tree.

Alfredo: You're looking a bit pale there.
Sadie: I want chuck up ...
Nok: Hey! Woah, she looks like a ghost.
Sadie: Hi Nok, I'm fading ...

Alfredo: Nok, get your girlfriend back to the dressing rooms before she faints.
Nok: Yes, coach.

<Later>

Alfredo: Nok, how is Sadie?
Nok: Well, she threw up a lot later and fell asleep quite fast.
Alfredo: Well, next time we'll make sure we play in a real stadium ... at ground level.
Nok: Doesn't bother me coach.

Alfredo: Now, why did they make you one of our trainers?
Nok: I guess they didn't me knocking up all those army girls too keep me busy.
Alfredo: Sadie seems to like you.
Nok: I like her too. She's not brightest spark around but she's a nice girl.

Alfredo: That's because she doesn't care what perverted things you like to do to her.
Nok: That too.
Alfredo: We did quite well today despite the team being a bit sick at this altitude.
Nok: Yeah, good stuff from our team.

Alfredo: You think we can actually beat Krytenia?
Nok: You mean west Starblaydia?
Alfredo: Same difference!
Nok: We have a chance. I think this team is pretty good myself. Why do have a Hello Kitty! pin on your shirt?

Alfredo: My daughter wanted me to wear it when I was away from home. She's big fan of that cat.
Nok: I like it too!
Alfredo: That's because those Dallas girls are just a bunch human cats.
Nok: And what's wrong with that?

Alfredo: I'm a dog person.
Nok: I'm definitely a cat person.

The Nire and Nire World Cup Preview

The Lazy Edition

N&N are entering their 4th qualifying tournament
We have never made it to the finals
We will not make it this time either
Jose was given a good run in the SASPAT in C&M, finishing a credible 2nd although he was disappointed to have relinquished the trophy
Jose is currently suffering from exhaustion having played three games on the one day, he is unlikely to be fully fit for the opening match of the qualifiers
We are not even sure who we are playing or where
Frankly, we do not care
2/1 the Milchama goalie is eaten during their first match
The Dutch seem to finally have rediscovered how to play finals football
Are they in our pool?
Visiting teams be aware, our 'stadium
is apparently incomplete, damn enter key
Our 'stadium' is currently under 5 feet of ice

THE ROCKET REPORT

ROCKETS SHARP IN FRIENDLIES

Pocono City, Newmanistan- On the eve of the official start to the World Cup 41 qualification process, we all eagerly anticipate to see how things will unfold. But for a handful of nations, that opportunity began a little early in several friendlies held across the globe. Some had interesting themes, and the Empire's two games were no exception. The first, against Dancougar figures to start a tradition between the two nations, playing for the trophy named the Golden Ambiguous Bird in Skates. It's a theme that originated in the Oxen Cup, and the Rockets were sure to want to take the Cup home, and to paint the base of the trophy not blue and white, but orange and black. It beats black and gold, after all. The first game would be held in Dancougar. The second friendly saw Newmanistan invited the world's newest Baptism of Fire champion, Arroza, to the Empire for a head to head contest. On the topic of friendlies, Newmanistan also arranged a post-qualifying match with Nethertopia, but that will be discussed at the appropriate time.

In Dancougar, the Rockets and the Black Wings took to the pitch with the Black Wings looking for some payback against the team that eliminated them in the Oxen Cup. Newmanistan was also playing with something to prove, to show that the result wasn't a fluke and that they could go on the road and win the Cup, motown style. The desire to want to be the first winner of the Golden Ambiguous Bird in skates would make both teams push it to the limit. For managers Charles DuPont and Brian Carson, they would just be happy with the end result, getting their teams in shape and ready for what they are about to encounter in World Cup 41 qualifying. The fact that there was some subplots to get each team wanting to win the game, in the long run, would be a win-win for both Dancougar and Newmanistan.

From the opening whistle, the Rockets wasted no time in trying to assert themselves in the match. Their passes were fluent, and the team seemed to be playing very well as a unit, and that's a testament, surely to Brian Carson getting the team prepared in training. Jeremy McAllister and Kevin Lewis created early opportunities, and Kevin Carrigan and Alex Parnett were doing a good job controlling the midfield. McAllister looked poised to put the Rockets up early after a terrific set up from Kevin Lewis. But J-Mac was just a step offsides, and it got whistled back. They did not fret over this missed chance and kept on pressing, and an early goal was seeming inevitable at this point. Alas, in minute #18, the Rockets finally got on the board. After a nice pass from Alex Parnett, Kevin Lewis moved into a prime scoring position, put the a move on the defender and left Yuji Watanabe in a tough situation. Sensing it, Newmanistan's #43, in his 43rd cap (yes, he was talking about that all morning), would be the one to score the matches first goal. The Rockets did not let up either, and continued on the attack. Playing on the road, one of the best ways to quiet down a home crowd is to score the game's first goal. An even better way, is to score the game's first two. This was evidenced by the team's midfield play with Brett Prescott and Kevin Carrigan leading the way. In the 30th minute, Prescott wrestled the ball away from Akira Morimoto and fed Carrigan perfectly in a spot where he could haul in the pass then get a great shot off. The Black Wings were slow to react to the pass, so by the time it got to Carrigan, his chance was golden, and he made the most of it. Again, Watanable was helpless. Nothing he could do besides watch the scoreboard now display a 2-nil Rockets lead. Dancougar started to show signs of life towards the end of the first half, but at the break the Rockets were in control of the match, and truly having to be happy with the way they played.

A proud team like Dancougar, in front of their home fans is not about to lie down and play dead. They came out and wanted to salvage something. They were much better, tacticly, giving it the appearance that manager Charles DuPont preached fundamentals at the break. Newmanistan and Brian Carson were well aware of that fact too, and seemed very prepared for the Black Wings rushes. The back end was stout, and making the plays when they needed to be made. Still, you could kind of see it coming. Dancougar was just carrying too much momentum for the Rockets to have the answer every single time. In the 54th minute, a tightly marked Boris Boskov found Jericho Leyton in the middle of the pitch, and Leyton struck the ball perfectly with a sick arc to get into the left corner for a 2-1 lead. Hennis did not react well to the play, and replays show he may have been screened by Eddie Chapman, and then though the shot would sail over the bar. With the fans sensing a new opportunity for their team, Carson repeatedly signaled for his team to calm down, and they obliged pretty well. Brett Prescott sensed the team needed to break the momentum of the Black Wings, and a hard but clean tackle on Shishio Jinguuji turned the focus of the crowd and some Dancougar players away from the task at hand in favor of yelling at the referee for a yellow card that would not come. It's what Prescott does best, as we all know. Then came Casey Berber, who was recently signed by the Centralia Cougars, who wanted to step up for his teammate and took a run at Prescott. But the challenge was late, and Berber received a yellow card. Oh yeah, the home crowd was pissed now. Soon though, they would have more to be pissed about as Kevin Carrigan delivered a perfect free kick over the wall, and when Watanabe can't hold the ball, Kevin Lewis is in a prime possession for a tap in score to make it 3-1. The second goal of the game for Lewis, Mr. Superstitous over the #43, in his 43rd cap. This won't help break the superstition! Officially, the tally came in the 66th minute. Again though, Dancougar did not pack it in, and not much later they were within a goal once again as Jinguuji outleaped Tony Borsinger (and that's not easy to do) for a header, and placed it perfectly by Hennis for the goal. It all happened too quickly for Hennis to get a good chance to make a save, and perhaps he expected Borsinger to do the outleaping. That made it 3-2, which would be the final, though the last ten minutes did not tick away without excitement. J-Mac had a great opportunity to put the game finally to bed in the 86th minute, capitalizing on a defensive break down, but his shot narrowly missed the top corner. Dancougar did what they could late to get the equalizer, but the Rockets made the plays when they needed to be made to secure a 3-2 victory.

The second game, due to time and space constraints, will not have as long of a report, but if you want, you can check out our website at therocketreport.co.new for a detailed report of the match against Arroza, which ended in a one-one draw.

Don't let the end result of that game fool you, it was a well played game by both sides, and because of that, neither team generated a ton offense. Much of the game was played in the midfield as both teams were tacticaly sound. Perhaps an uncharacteristically hot day in Pocono City had something to do with it too, with the mercury reaching 99 degress (F) at game time, and breaking triple digits during the game made hydration a chore. The conditions may have actually favored Arroza, as the players have likely practiced and trained in very difficult conditions while serving time at Angola State. Scoring the goals were Alex Parnett for the Rockets in the 20th minute, and then Macoumba Kandji answered moments later in the 29th minute. At that time it looked like there were going to be plenty of goals, before the elements and fatigue really began to its toll. Again, for more on this game, please check out website.

The Enlightener: it's HIRARIOUS!
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y231/bettia/FAB.png

A Group 2 Be Remembered?

After many months of sitting around, twiddling their thumbs and (in their darker moments) contemplating wearing something red just for the hell of it, Bettian footy fans finally have something to look forawrd to (apart from the lousy spelling of the average Bettian journalist), and that's the group stage of World Cup 41.

Bettia find themselves in Group 2, a rather intriguing group to say the least, and that intrigue starts right at the beginning in Matchday 1, a matchday that sees two former World Cup winners go head to head when Dennisov come to visit Tiddles Park. The winners of World Cup 4 haven't competed on the international stage for Allah knows how long, and so Bettia's hungry strikers will be looking to make a positive start to the campaign. Next up is a trip to Vonks, who sadly have chosen not only to play in that most evil of colours, but have decided to make a song and dance about it (or at least a poem) - supporters travelling over from Bettia are advised to pack plenty of Azurlens sunglasses to try and counteract this evil redness.

After that come the Fujisawan Territories, an improving team who will be thankful they weren't drawn against our gog neighbours once again - in their two World Cup 40 qualifying games against Northern Bettia, they conceded a total of ten goals, most probably due to some dirty tactic employed by the team management. Even though Bettia will be hoping to emulate the Northerners' scoreline, they'll be sure to do it with no cheating whatsoever. After that come Jariss, another up-and-coming team looking to cause an upset or two.

And last, but certainly not least, come the group's second seeds and fellow Atlantian Oceanians Kura-Pelland. To date, the two teams have met three times with Bettia winning two and the other being drawn. Their last clash came at World Cup 38, when an injury-ravaged Bettian FA were forced to field a team of schoolchildren. Kura-Pelland were the co-hosts, but unfortunately for them the Aroralings spoilt the party somewhat by beating them 4-1. Four of the Bettian team have kept their place in today's squad, the oldest of whom is only 24, so there's plenty of experience still to be had.

It's no great secret that the Aroras have underperformed of late. Can our boys put that right this time round?

Fixtures / Results

MD..OPPONENT...................VENUE......RESULT (SCORERS)

Qualifying Group 2

01: Dennisov...................HOME.......
02: Vonks......................Away.......
03: Fujisawan Territories......HOME.......
04: Jariss.....................Away.......
05: Kura-Pelland...............HOME.......
06: Dennisov...................Away.......
07: Vonks......................HOME.......
08: Fujisawan Territories......Away.......
09: Jariss.....................HOME.......
10: Kura-Pelland...............Away.......

Miguel García sniffled, and that was only partly because of his hayfeaver. At fourteen he was strong and wiry but small for his age and, as a result, had had to become as tough as old boots. You didn’t last long in 5 de Nordeste if you burst into tears at the slightest little thing, not when you were Miguel’s size. Cecilio Padilla could afford to be a wuss, being twice as big as everyone else and all, but Miguel saved his tears for when he knew he was alone.

You were seldom truly alone in 5 de Nordeste, of course. Human beings, as a whole, tend to breed like nobody’s business when times are hard, on the basis that if even one of their offspring manages to make it into adulthood they’d done well; and you were always surrounded by other kids. Plenty didn’t get that far – if drinking silage and trusting your medical needs to the local priest didn’t get you first; the drugs and the bullets would leave many bleeding in the gutter before they’d even seen sixteen. Football was the only way out, following the path set by Ramiro Novo, Demario Ortiz, Enrique Silva de Aviz, Guillermo Ibarra and many more before them. And if you couldn’t kick a ball around? Morales employed factory workers up here, and the National Space Facility was always looking for new recruits for the more dangerous jobs that couldn’t be filled by mice or monkeys; but even they balked when they heard your address. Come from El din by all means, was the message. But the villas miseria? Beinvenido, north-east district? Sorry. Thanks for your interest but… well, truth be told, we don’t tend to deal with your sort if we can help it.

So when a pallid young man appeared, seemingly out of the ether, in the corner of the basketball court and offering to take ten of the more athletic young boys away from all this, Miguel and his cohorts hadn’t needed a second invitation. Most probably he was after their arses or looking to sell them something highly illegal, but either option seemed reasonable enough, under the circumstances. It was something to do, after all.

But huddled into the back of the large black van, it all suddenly seemed very real. The windows were blacked-out, the rear doors locked firmly shut. They’d been driving for half an hour, and were clearly far away from El din by now. Miguel had only left the city once before, and had never gone outside Marquez, but that certainly seemed about to change. The clanks and rattles of the ferry service were unmistakable.

You heard stories, that was the thing. Of people disappearing, sometimes in the night, sometimes in broad daylight, never to return. Some said they were taken to be experimented on, or sold into slavery abroad in return for some debt C&M owed. Perhaps some had just heard the wrong things, asked the wrong questions.

Everyone in the El din shanty towns believed those rumours, and everyone dismissed them. It was only natural for a put-upon, poverty-stricken ethnic minority – never mind a self-proclaimed “indigenous” one – to develop far-out ideas about how the evil Anglos over in Albrecht were plotting their demise even to this day. People around here still called their streets after high-profile victims of the National Eugenics Council, or great warriors of the Anglo-Hispanic wars before the Dominion of the Candelarias was even pronounced, providing no-one from the City Council was watching. Such moves offended the Anglo population, apparently.

But at the same time; this was C&M, when all was said and done. Nothing like that ever really happened here. It wasn’t special, as countries went, but it was okay. Sinister government agencies were for other nations, bigger nations. Scary faraway places were the governments had secrets worth keeping.

“¿Qué él va a hacer a nosotros, usted piensa?” Miguel de Jesús Gómez wondered aloud, which is ‘What are they going to do to us, do you think?’ in the unique form of Spanish employed in Marquez, an island whose occupants long ago separated linguistically from their cousins in Castile and Tenerife.

Miguel, the other Miguel, apologies if this is getting confusing, but what’re you gonna do?, shook his head and said nothing. He turned away from Miguel, the previous Miguel, not the first Miguel, in order to hide the tears streaming down his face, but found himself looking instead into the sodden eyes of Rubén Eduardo Wilkinson, who grinned sheepishly.

Hours past before the van doors slid open, and the pale man stood in front of them, coat blowing in the wind like a post-modern angel of death. Two large, suited men flanked him.

“Buena mañana, muchachos,” he offered cheerfully.

Cecilio Padilla, who was quite the eldest and most physically imposing of the boys, set his jaw. “We’re not afraid of you,” he muttered, unconvincingly. “What do you want with us?”

The man reached behind him and brought round a football and a photograph. He handed the picture to Cecilio. “Do you know who this boy is?”

Cecilio shook his head, but Miguel, I can’t remember which Miguel, it probably doesn’t matter, raised a tentative arm. “That is Jose, isn’t it? I saw him on the Oxen Cup!”

Cecilio frowned. “You saw that tournament?”

“It was pay-per-view on some digital channel.”

Cecilio rolled his eyes. “Alright, just ‘cos your dad’s a lawyer. No need to flaunt it.”

“Hey, I know for a fact your mum’s on seven-hundred thousand per annum for redesigning Monument Place! I read it in Tattler. Just because she’d rather spend her money on those intensive pilates classes than digital TV…”

“Hey! It’s good for her deep torso muscles!”

“Guys, please! Daddy’s supposed to be taking me pheasant shooting this afternoon, let’s not piss about unnecessary.” Alfie Malibrán turned to the man. “So, are you going to tell us what’s going on or not, wot?”

“Um.” The man pulled himself together. “You boys are good at football, yes?”

“I’m more of an equestrianism man myself, but yes.”

“Good. For the next twenty four hours, you’re Nire and Nire internationals. I don’t suppose Jose will appreciate your company, but what the hey…”

Miguel García nodded. This was C&M, and Jose was just one player. That was weird. Nothing weird ever happened in the Candelarias.

“I say; you’ve got awfully pointy ears haven’t you?” Eduardo wondered as the ten were bundled back into the van and off to the Kaleta Online Dome.


***

The National Reporter Online: News with a View
Big Blues win something!
No-one notices.

Iain Miller writes. Besides the bit where several players and, in one unfortunate incidence, an entire team were directed to the wrong location; the Second ‘And’ Tournament was a triumph for the tourist industry of north-west Candelaria, as the area seeks to recover from the blow struck almost exactly one month ago down south.

The trophy itself was clearly less important than event, for an area desperate to attract new visitors; and the matches not involving C&M were relatively well attended – though locals undoubtedly outnumbered travelling fans at at least a couple of the games. Still, this most dubious of international tournaments passed off pleasantly enough, and may even happen again, with the administration of the And National Territory having apparently shown interest in the TASPAT. God only knows why.

What was most important for Kris Healy was seeing his team in action, ahead of a battle for second place in a group which many have predicted as perhaps the tightest contest of the fifteen. The opposition weren’t up to much in truth, at least initially; the Nire side a far cry from that which held the Big Blues to a draw in their last friendly encounter. A new-look side at least appeared an improvement on the outfit which lost four-nil at home to C&M a couple of years ago, though it was clear from the off than of the eleven young boys on display only the much-celebrated wonderkid, Jose, looked a top-class professional. The home side were by no means at their best, understandable given their short time spent under Healy’s tutelage, but played sweetly from the back and produced three fine moves ending in goals from Ignacio Vélez (2) and Ramiro Novo.

The Yaforite-Bazalonians were not particularly expected to represent much of a threat following their opening day defeat and late arrival at the McNeil Bingo Arena following their sojourn in Clotaire. The visitors were saved by an athletic performance from ‘keeper Graham Noh’arms, whose presence was fêted by the Caires City Otherwise Appendaged Supporters Club with the presentation of a special shield. Noh’arms has been widely credited around the footballing world for striking a blow against limb-based discrimination, although not literally, one assumes; a matter particularly fashionable among Caires City supporters owing to the current status of the former midfielder O’Sullivan Caras. Noh’arms made himself sufficiently big and kept the changed C&M attack out until the eighty-fifth minute, when Merlin Siriwong cut past Barelien Koliensar and got a wicked deflection (is there any other kind) off Umar Ventrarar.

Many locals had expected the Turkomans to represent the biggest threat, and Port of Clotaire supporters filled out their own Harper Street stadium to watch Serkan Turkmen in action; but Alhrem’s rotation proved their undoing. With the previous defeat of their final opponents, C&M’s victory was in their own hands and, despite some impressive displays from the Turks’ wing-backs, one of C&M’s own Turkish full-backs (Christ, it’s getting confusing), Ciaran Kelly, broke free of his man on the sixty-second minute to set up Joe Cunningham. As warm-up games go it was comfortable enough, and Cunningham’s Scorpions colleague Ben Edwards added a second in extra-time with a flighted free-kick.

That result left the Big Blues comfortably top of the final table, though CAMAFA organisers were forced to present captain Matteo Corradini with a large, painted spoon instead of the actual trophy, which appears to have been lost several days ago in the high winds we’ve been having lately.


***

“Dan…l, it’s a terr…e li… …’ll …e to spea… …p!”

“I said, WE’VE DETECTED ANOTHER EVENT, SIR!”

“…ng on, le… … ry stand… … he window. Is that better?”

“Much, sir.”

“Good. Remind me to sort out some proper phone lines between us and Bostopia, we can’t carry on like this.”

“Perhaps if you just came back from Bostopia, sir…”

“In our own time, Daniel. I know everyone’s dying to see the Mrs. President back on our screens, but needs must. We still have penance to pay for the ducks… What’s up, anyway? I take it the Nire and Nire versus Yafetceterandsoforth passed off without concerns?”

“Mm. The flying one never turned up, and everyone was most amused to see young Jose play a couple of games on his own. We sent the boys back to El din after our game. They’re really none the wiser. And I put the fear of God into ‘em, so…”

“As long as that’s all you… Anyway, what’s troubling you, then?”

“There’s been another Event, sir.”

“Ach… It’s been a full month since the last one, hasn’t it? I rather though whoever was playing silly buggers with us had moved on.”

“We still can’t assume that they’re not natural occurrences, Mr. Melbourne… Anyway, we’ve triangulated the epicentre of the Event to these coordinates, a few miles west of Lesperance.”

“Anyone about?”

“Just a few cows. To be honest sir, I don’t think there’s anything here. There’s no reason to suppose that just because we intersected with an alternate reality again anything would… come… through… Hello…”

“…?”

“Well… It appears to be an eye on legs, sir.”

“Can you be a little more specific, Daniel?”

“No? It’s an eye, it’s about five inches across and three deep… And there’s four little legs coming out of the bottom. It just blinked at me. I’ll just pop it in a cardboard box, shall I?”

“Please do. Patel can have a looksee at it later, if it’s still alive. Hard to see what trouble a little eye could do, anyway.”

“Quite. Not as though it’s a massive alien warriors with multiple external sex organs or singings beans, is it?”

“Ha! No, absolutely. Well, keep me informed of any further developments.”

“Of course Mr. Melbourne. G’night.” The elf stooped down to pick the eye up and drop it into the box. “There you go, little fella…”

Followed by two large security men, Daniel Martino slipped pack into the Ministry van and drove off, leaving the field far behind them.

Presently, when she was sure no-one was looking, the eye’s mother heaved herself out of the soil and, with three-hundred and sixty-seven eyelets in tow, set off towards Lesperance in search of her missing baby.

THE ROCKET REPORT

WORLD CUP 41 PREVIEW

By Clint Peterson

As we know by now, the groups have been set for World Cup 41. As a journalist, qualifying is an exciting time for me as my work gets to take me to several locations I may have never been able to make it too. Four years ago, I got to experience nations with quite stunning football traditions. It's part of the Cup Qualification process that sometimes may be unappreciated as the intensity of the battles takes over. I have scanned the 15 groups, and in knowing a little bit more about the nations, I present to you my first ever complete prediction report. When the groups are listed, they are in order of how I think they will finish.

Group 1: Bazalonia (7), Prux (38), Wentland (21), Rennidan (66), Tokyoni (124), Kirrin Island (NR)

Bazalonia, after making it all the way to the final will be hungry to get back there and look to win it this time. If they are up to form, they should have no problems. But if they are looking past this competition, there are enough spoilers here to send them out. The Roboducks of Prux, Wentland, and Rennidan will be in a dogfight for the second spot. We haven't discounted Rennidan as we were impressed by their Cup of Harmony run. Bazalonia cannot, I repeat, cannot, fall amongst those three, or else they could be a big disappointment. And you better believe they have a target on their back. This group is very interesting to me, I will be watching it closely. For Tokyoni and Kirrin Island, sorry about your tough draw.

Group 2: Bettia (15), Kura-Pelland (32), Fujisawan Territories (58), Jariss (49), Vonks (133), Dennisov (NR)

This group looks as though it will be pretty straight forward. Kura-Pelland and Bettia, nations that met in the first round of the World Bowl are the class of the group and should be able to pull away. None of the other nations look as though they will be too much of a threat. Jariss and the Territories are solid, but just don't quite look as though they'll have enough. Vonks is an impressive BoF 28 team, but this is a tough road. Ditto for Dennisov.


Group 3: Az-Cz (5), Dancougar (30), Blouman Empire (56), Green Wombat (39), Free Krytenian Rebels (NR), Ofedestan (133)


Look for Az-Cz and Dancougar to battle it out for the top spot, but as long as they take care of business and play the way they should, both should be able to advance. The Blouman Empire is always a tough opponent, and if there is a sleeper it may just be them. Green Wombat has caught a few breaks in other qualification efforts, so they are due to have it even out a bit here. After showing some potential at one time, Ofedestan was a disappointment in BoF 28, and I look for the Rebels, who should be an inspired group, to get by them for fifth.

Group 4: Sel Appa (8), Septentrionia (50), Quakmybush (17), The Maccabees (NR), Dariusville (107), Gweridijongya (68)

If anyone can go undefeated in qualifying, it may be Sel Appa as we simply are not sold on the second highest ranked team in this group. Let's face it, the top two ranked teams are not going to advance out of every group, and this is one where we don't think it will happen. Septentrionia has an impressive tournament and steals 2nd from Quakmybush. The back end of the group is tightly matched together, and The Maccabees seem to have quite a bit of potential.


Group 5: Cafundeu (14), Northern Bettia (18), Frontenax (93), Lovisa (35), Nehrland (121), SouthSuburbia (161)

Not only am I picking Cafundeu to win this group, I believe that there could be some very good things in store for them as they do go on to the World Cup. Northern Bettia will do enough to safely take on the second position over the rest of the competition. Frontenax will put on a good showing, but we well know how hard it is for a BoF team to advance to the World Cup. Lovisa looks like a .500 team in the group, and the other two will simply gain experience for the future.

Group 6: West Starblaydia (31), Casari (6), Jeru FC (40), Alversia (128), Kosovoe (90), Hryvinia (151)

This is an interesting group that may have one of the best finishes in the end. West Starblaydia (formerly Krytenia), Casari, and Jeru FC all are legitimate teams that are more then capable of advancing, and when they go at it, expect to see great battles. It will be important for them to get three points in games against Alversia and Kosovoe, or it will mess them up completely. It's a tough draw for Hryvinia. This may get our "group of death" award.

Group 7: Zwangzug (10), Acapais (47), Qazox (24), The Orion Star Empire (97), Aleos (64), Fmjphoenix (NR)

Group six didn't get the group of death distinction, because this one does. Zwangzug, our co-host in the Cup of Harmony 33 bid will need to be on top form so they only co-host the Cup of Harmony and not participate in it, should the bid be successful. They should do just enough. And speaking of the Cup of Harmony, there's Acapais, the CoH 32 winner. They will build on that, plus you have the Orion Star Empire, one of the more impressive teams from BoF28. All this leaves Qazox in a very tough position. We know how badly they want to finally get past the group stage of the actual World Cup. But they must not look past qualifying, or else they could be Cup of Harmony bound. Even Aleos has a chance to be a spoiler, they've always been a gritty side. Poor Fmjphoenix.

Group 8: Demot (13), UCS-JSY (25), Kiryu-shi (52), The Islands of Qutar (73), Kenavt (158), Kanisov (108)

This group seems pretty straight forward when picking the teams that will advance to the World Cup. The only question is which of Demot and UCS- Jasi-yun is on top at the end of qualifying. The fight for third would be interesting if it actually mattered.


Group 9: Yafor 2 (16), Yafalona and Bazor 2 (34), Arroza (89), Kelssek (48), The Indonesian States (NR), Unified Beretania (124)

The teams with the 2's look as though they should be able to march on through to the World Cup, but don't completely count out Arroza here. The defending champions of the BoF know how close Newmanistan came four years ago to advancing, and will probably use us as a model. Arroza can do it, don't count them out. Kelssek showed their vulnerability against BoF winners in World Cup 40 qualifying when they were paired with us in the same group, and lost twice to the Rockets. The back two will be in tough to crack the top four.


Group 10: Jeruselem (12), Taeshan (44), Sorthern Northland (33), Nethertopia (77), Lithima (102), Corivia (NR)

This group has an interesting look to it as well. The Princesses though, should be fairly safe. The battle will come for second between Taeshan, who is a very hungry to advance to the world cup, we must add; Sorthern Northland, who sometimes you wonder if they are still stuck in the airport; and Nethertopia, one of the rising teams. That will be good, and look, there's Lithima. We would advise the top teams to be ready for Lithima, they are a gritty group. Corivia should be locked into the 6th spot.

Group 11: Milchama (3), The Holy Empire (19), The Pazhujeb Islands (41), Kereca (72), Naggetski (133), Bearbears (142)

Milchama's defense is so good, that they could start a banana in goal and still win. It would have been interesting though, if the monkeys of Dariusville had been in this group. Milchama and The Holy Empire should be pretty safe to advance, though The Pazhujeb Islands loom as a legitimate threat. Kereca, can probably be safely written in as the fourth place finisher, with Naggetski and Bearbears fighting to stay out of the bottom.


Group 12: Starblaydia (22), Tynelia (9), Magnus Valerius (54), Nire and Nire (46), Ma Raque (114), Pablicosta (137)

Starblaydia and Tynelia seem quite safe. I give the edge to Starblaydia simply on a hunch, but don't be surprised to see them tie for first and it being decided on goal differential. The rest of this group, just doesn't have much to be impressed over. Jose has already shown signs of fatigue in Nire and Nire's friendlies, can he avoid it once qualifying starts? Ma Raque is a solid 5th, and what in the world ever happened to Pablicosta? Anyone? Anyone?

Group 13: Sqornshelous (4), Newmanistan (51), Vephrall (26), Kose and The Turkomans (53), United Hetzel (118), Hockey Canada (NR)

Okay, okay, so I'm being a total homer with the Newmanistan pick. But you gotta believe, right? Brian Carson has the team believing, and isn't about to concede anything to these opponents, and why should I as a journalist? Let's go Rockets! All kidding aside, Newmanistan does have a chance to qualify based on what they showed four years ago, and based on what Vephrall showed four years ago. Vephrall got off to a horrid start in World Cup 40 qualifying, so they are beatable again. Kose and The Turkomans could also sneak into the second spot. At worst, Newmanistan should do no worse then fourth. Even Sqornshelous better be careful and not ride on those 4th ranked laurels. United Hetzel and Hockey Canada are in a very tough group, because as tight as this one may be at the top, teams may need to "pour it on" against them a little more.

Group 14: Valanora (1), The Archregimancy (36), Candelaria And Marquez (27), Zarbli (114), Kolanderaz (76), Algal states (161)

Valanora can't totally sleepwalk through qualification, but they should be alright as long as they stay healthy and true to form. The real battle here shapes up between The Archregimancy and Candelaria And Marquez, and it's something that looks like it could go either way. I feel that The Archregimancy will take the second spot. The bottom three are in a group of there own, basically. Zarbli prevails in it.

Group 15: Capitalizt SLANI (2), Bostopia (20), Terreiro de Ogum (70), KaMaRi (42), Universitus University (NR), SFRS (133)

UCS SLANI and Bostopia look to be in pretty good shape to move through, which is good news for Bostopia as they were the team that just made it to the World Cup proper by edging Newmanistan via the away goals rule in the playoff. SLANI, once again, is one of the top contenders to win the World Cup. Third place goes to Terreiro de Ogum, sometimes an afterthought of our BoF class. Kamari is a strong fourth, and Universitus University will play with pride in their return to the World Cup scene, but that won't be enough. SFRS will take the sixth spot.


Interesting fact: Of the 22 nations that participated in Baptism of Fire 27, only seven(Newmanistan, Kose and The Turkomans, Terreiro de Ogum, Nethertopia, Septentrionia, Kosovoe, and Aleos) have made it back.

Online poll: Of those in the top 10: Who will win World Cup 41? (at therocketreport.co.new)

Valanora: 25%
Capitalizt SLANI: 23%
Milchama: 14%
Az-cz: 12%
Sqornshelous: 7%
Bazalonia: 3%
Sel Appa: 4%
Casari: 1%
Tynelia: 4%
Zwangzug: 7%

http://img134.imageshack.us/img134/7993/dailyturkjo0.png
Pembe Looks Forward To First Qualifier
Recent call up Pembe Aykut has recently expressed his delight at representing his nation at such a high level, the young defender currently has 4 caps to his name and is looking forward to adding his milestone 5th against Hockey Canada. Aykut has insisted that Hockey Canada will be treated with respect as with any other opponent. Alhrem has warned his top players to remain focused on the job at hand with Desantepe expected to sell out tonight, the fans will not want a defeat.


Weather Tonight:http://i263.photobucket.com/albums/ii138/Sinanbey/9_light_rain_driz.gif
Temperature: 16C

“So let me get this straight,” the Emperor began from his bed, a bandage wrapped round his forehead, “you knocked me out with a frying pan, declared me unfit to rule, took my powers under emergency legislation, then signed a peace treaty with the Candeleria and Marquez invaders?”

“Yep!” His wife confirmed. “Though then I asked them to stay round for tea, they said they'll get back to me.”

“You...” He sighed.

“What?”

“Forget it.”

And once again, Bostopia... well, 14 acres of central Fort Boston was again at peace.

http://i280.photobucket.com/albums/kk176/rennidan/Logo-3.png

Rennidan: First Qualifier.

RENNIDAN versus PRUX


Weather: http://i280.photobucket.com/albums/kk176/rennidan/121212122.jpg

Expected Attendance: 68,000



Ladies and gentleman, the first group match in Rennidan's attempted run for World Cup Glory is about to unfold. They have drawn Prux, a team sporting a line up made entirely of robotic ducks, as well as a team which stated that Rennidan itself was 'not a great team'. Yet, whereas Prux puts the nation’s team down, we still have our sporting allies in the world. Newmanistan recently claimed that they 'haven't discounted Rennidan as we were impressed by their Cup of Harmony run'.

The nation's reputation is riding on this first match. If they win, ecstasy. If they lose, depression. If they draw, mild content followed by a few pints down the local.

The weather puts the setting in place, with lightning striking about the open roof of the Eeorga Choondra Stadium in Rennidan's Mountainlow District. Rain is currently pounding the stadium turf.

It seems tonight’s game will be as slip-slidey as Rennidan's run for the cup.

This'll be short, I'm on a bus in Fedala that's starting and stopping all the time so it's jerky and hard to read. Sorry about that!

It's a nice bus though, beautiful city. One of my favorite parts about the World Cup is traveling around the world and seeing all the different countries. Not sure which games I want to see during qualifiers. Definitely Zwangzug and Aleos first, I recognize some of those guys from the LIDYT. They've seemed really good at times but overall, doesn't seem like it'll be a very competitive game. Oh well! Yafor 2 versus the FAIL team...heehee, that should be fun. And I wanna visit Newmanistan, and maybe Aguazul...so much to see, so few games before Daehanjeiguk and Ad'ihan!

But speaking of which, I guess Hollow still has a lot of work to do. Three-nothing? Still, I think the Golden Wolves can do well this time around anyhow-first seeds, right? There's a different feel around the game, it seems (though what do I know? Nothing about football, that's for sure.) But maybe a good defending team could do well, and Yafor 2's is definitely a good defending team.

Zwangzug, though, was really dominant today. Bennett back in the defense seemed to really play well without as much pressure on as a real game. And speaking of new players, Rohit was good too. He even got a goal there at the end after Peter had scored twice.

Oh, I'm at the post office already. So best of luck in the qualifiers, go Ajer!

Love,
Audrey

SAYINGS OF THE DESERT FATHERS

On Possessing Nothing

Some monks once came to give alms in the monastery of St. Catherine's in the Desert, and they asked the stewards of the monastery to show them who was most in need. The stewards led them to the Archregimancy's national coach, who was the next day due to lead the squad again World Number 1-ranked team Valanora. Away. In their opening match. The monks offered money to the coach. He did not want it, and Anthony said 'Look here, I have a few palm leaves to work, and I plait them, and so I have enough to eat.' Then the stewards took them to the cell of Moses the Black. When they knocked to announce their arrival, Moses greeted them although he was naked. They offered Moses clothing and money, but he refused to accept it, and said that Anthony had told him 'Trust in God's will. Today you shall find enough to live on.' When Ephiphanius came to visit Moses, they asked him to accept alms but he refused and said 'I have God to care for me. Do you want to take Him away from me now? Only through faith in the Lord can shall we be provided for. So it is with transient wealth in this life, whether in the form of money, or in seeking a result against mighty footballing opposition.' They realised his faith, and glorified God.

On Self-Control

John the Dwarf said, 'If a king wants to take a city filled with his enemies, he first captures their food and water, and when they are starving, he subdues them. So it is with football. If our team is sincere about victory and cuts off Laborious Hawk's supply, the Valanorans that trouble our souls fore the morrow will grow weak.'

On Compunction

Poeman said 'Grief is twofold: it creates good and it keeps away evil. Should we lose against the Valanorans, my soul shall therefore not be unduly troubled.'

It's Not Easy Being Green
Starblaydia in an unfamiliar colour

Last Cup it was black, this Cup it will be green, just what are the SFA playing at? Show us the purple! Four years ago Starblaydia dispensed with their usual Home kit of white with purple trim to pay proper respect to the legend Simeone Di Bradini, while this time it's all about the planet, man. With Starblaydia's politicians in the mood for forming NEATO - the New Environmental Atlantian Treaty Organistation - in order to conserve, protect and promote a more environmentally-friendly approach to supranational government policy, their footballing masters have decided to promote that ideal. Out with the old, in with the nuclear, perhaps.

Such things are pure cosmetics, a marketing drive cooked up by a pair of Dwarves, the Ministers for Sport and the Environment respectively: Khim Azanulbizarn and Niri Drolgorbizm. To the players themselves it will be less than a distraction, as their are far more interesting things to talk about in this Starblaydi squad, the most cosmopolitan for many a year.

Did you know...?
Only ten of the twenty-three players in the squad actually play their club football in Starblaydia. In the 38th Baptism of Fire, that number was nineteen out of twenty-three.

Just four of the starting eleven ply their trade in Starblaydia itself, with two of those - Lubii and Callind - coming from the legendary Iskara Daii club. Two in Daehanjeiguk, two in Elves Security Forces, one apiece from Septentrionia, Cafundéu and finally Candelaria And Marquez. The bench sees a representative from Cafundéu, two from Bostopia, two from Yafor 2 and one from Vephrall. Most of these players have seen, or will see, TakilQuip Champions Cup action, garnering them the kind of experience that only the playing at the highest level can bring. Starblaydia's will is being forged in the hottest fire, producing - so the saying goes - the strongest steel.

The list of club awards is impressive and perhaps unmatched by a squad with a comparatively lowly rank of just 22. They are second seeds in Group Twelve, on paper, but could well find themselves above favourites and ninth-ranked Tynelia come the end of the ten Qualifying matches. Cup Winners, League Winners and domestic trophies and awards of all kinds litter this squad, but it would be an achievement indeed for them to win true international honours. This attempt is Starblaydia's twenty-fourth attempt to win the World Cup, something they have succeeded in twice before, many years ago. This squad represents their best chance in two or three generations to come anywhere close to that feat, and though the Cup itself is surely not on their minds, a base upon which future teams can win honour and glory is their goal. Lex Panarii is determined not only to make that base, but to go on and build that team to take the fabled third title.

FR01: No game.
MD01: Bostopia -v- Capitalizt SLANI - Bostopia Stadium, Fort Boston (103,499)
MD02: Terreiro de Ogum -v- Bostopia
MD03: Bostopia -v- Universitus University - Copsequay Stadium, Fenton (41,000)
MD04: SFRS -v- Bostopia
MD05: KaMaRi -v- Bostopia
FR02: TBA
MD06: Capitalizt SLANI -v- Bostopia
MD07: Bostopia -v- Terreiro de Ogum - Junker Stadium, Prussingberg (67,390)
MD08: Universitus University -v- Bostopia
MD09: Bostopia -v- SFRS - Brian Marne Stadium, Rolida (47,000)
MD10: Bostopia -v- KaMaRi - Tate Ground, Fort Boston (49,242)
FR03: TBA

The Football Association wishes for it to be known that the Universitus University fans and team (while not requiring sports equipment) will have to abide by the laws of Fenton State regarding almost-absolute nudity (items such as jewellery will be allowed). We apologise for any inconvenience or moral outrage caused, but we have no say over laws passed by State Senates. We wish to point out that Teriff State to the north is stricter on nudity. If you wish to experience how strict, attempt to cross into Teriff State wearing nought but an ear-ring.

---Weardale House, Fort Boston---

The first floor (the one that's not the first level you'd normally be on for those of you who work without a ground floor. The ground floor being the floor at ground level, usually with the reception area. Weirdos.) of the headquarters of the Happy Puppy Fertiliser and Chocolate Bar Company were unusually quiet. Perhaps it was because the one guy in the Commercial Relations & Geography Department who ever seemed to do any work was off go-karting, probably not on a legal go-kart track, but quite possibly around various women's changing rooms.

The Commercial Relations & Geography Department was happily clicking around their screens until A GREAT BIG FECK OFF ALARM WENT OFF!

This, of course, lead to mad panic and a large number of people running for the exits. It either meant the country was under attack, or the Emperor was extremely bored.

---Fort Boston Castle, Fort Boston---

“Ah, looks like it was the Happy Puppy Fertiliser and Chocolate Bar Company today, sire.” Haelwen said to the Emperor, who was watching over Fort Boston from the Castle roof with a pair of binoculars.

“Yes, these random drills are significantly funny!” The Emperor replied, watching two fire engines roll up outside the building and start spraying water around randomly, mostly at younger girls wearing white blouses.

“Almost as funny as the time you had the nightmare about the Latin-speaking pistachio nut, sire?”

“The words 'Veni, Vidi, Vici' still give me flashbacks.”

“Though pistachio nuts are tasty.”

“Yes they are, I get my revenge on the talking one by eating them.”

“And threatening to throw them at the Dallas girls.”

“That also.” The Emperor thought for a moment. “Perhaps, Haelwen, I should start a campaign telling people to throw pistachio nuts at the Dallas girls!”

“What, sire, would that achieve?”

“Popularity, fame, fortune, slight bruising. The Dallas girls are used to nuts being in close proximity to them anyway, so the fact people are spouting their hatred and tiredness of them by throwing nuts at them shouldn't scar them emotionally too much.”

http://www.btinternet.com/~david.boston/_bostopia/dailymailheader.png

THROW PISTACHIO NUTS AT THE DALLAS GIRLS, EMPEROR URGES

Nations across the globe invited to join in on grand Bostopian idea

The Emperor has today invited citizens across the world to throw pistachio nuts at the girls of the Dallas clan and related offshoots. The Emperor has said he realises this means that Bostopia-residing Hikfie Dallas will be targeted and possibly her half-Bostopian children, but stated that “was tough luck.”

Numerous nations across the world are quickly seizing the opportunity, with some considering changing their units of measurement from Metric to Imperial as one ton of pistachio nuts is more in the unit of measurement they are discussing adopting. Flights to Jeruselem were said to be in high demand at various international airports across Bostopia, with some tour operators now starting "Pilgrimage Packages" for those flying out specifically to throw pistachio nuts at the clan.

Reports that the Emperor was spurred on by fears of a pistachio nut fluent in Russian were denied by Fort Boston Castle, with an official saying “The pistachio nut in his dream spoke fluent Latin. Pistachios can't speak Russian, everyone knows they don't have a Cyrillic type font, so the subtitling would look as awful as accented words on his IRC client and he'd never have understood what the pistachio was saying."

***Closed Meeting of the World Cup Hosting Organizing Committee (WCHOC)***

Count Jeong Mongjun, IFA Chairman = Jeong
WCHOC Chairman = CH
WCHOC Secretary = SC
WCHOC Treasurer = TR
WCHOC Historian = HS
WCHOC Random Fellow = RF
WCHOC Butler = BT

CH: So what's new?

SC: Well, the Group Draw has been done for some time, and some of the first friendlies have been done.

CH: That's good news. We also have the Count (Jeong) with us today, so we can make our report to the IFA about our progress.

TR: We still need money.

Jeong: Money? Oh yeah. The metal stuff (Han typically use coins over paper, despite being the historically derived country that first used printed paper for currency). How much?

TR: Well, this isn't a financial meeting. Otherwise, I'd have brought my notes.

Jeong: Well, then we can't give out any money.

TR: We still need the money.

Jeong: Tell us how much, and we'll think about it?

TR: Was that a question?

Jeong: Was it?

CH: Could we not get into another question game?

BT: But why did you ask a question then?

TR: Could someone please shut-up the butler?

SC: Why do you despise the butler?

TR: Do you have any idea what he says?

HS: Are we aware of the time?

Jeong: WTF mate?

RF: Is he allowed to say that?

SC: Who's the Random Fellow now?

Jeong: Who is the random fellow?

HS: Didn't he just ask the same %$#^ question?

CH: Will you all please shut up?

BT: But didn't you start this?

SC: Who did start this?

HS: Didn't she ask the same %$#^ question?

RF: How did we get into this mess?

Jeong: Doesn't this sound like another one of those soap operas?

TR: Doesn't anyone else care that we're wasting time?

HS: Didn't I just ask that question?

CH: SHUT IT! NOW!

*a pail of green slime falls on top of the WCHOC Chairman - everyone else is quiet*

BT: But didn't you know it would end up that way?

CH: Shut up!

TR: Thank you!

CH: You too! Come on! We came here to do work! Secretary! How are we in organizing the World Cup Groups?

SC: Well, they're right on schedule.

RF: Does anyone else notice that Starblaydian newspapers have somehow displaced time and managed to create a 38th Baptism of Fire, when there have only been 28?

CH: The next person to ask a question gets a kick in the groin.

BT: But I'm a woman.

CH: Then I'll touch your tits.

BT: But my tits are flat.

CH: Then... I'll look up your vagina.

BT: But it's really hairy...

TR: Just stop it! And for the record, we're all women. Except for the Count, who is of course a man.

CH: Wait. Since when was I a woman?

TR: Well, I mean you can't kick yourself in the groin for asking a question - which you just did.

CH: You're right... *tries to kick himself, hurts his groin anyway*

SC: Are you alright?

CH: *high-pitched squeal* Yep... meeting adjourned... *walks out awkwardly*

Jeong: Is this a typical meeting?

BT: But wouldn't you know it?

TR: Can you please not start your sentences with a "but"?

Jeong: Is anyone going to answer my question?

*cricket chirps*

Jeong: Okay. Thanks.

*a pail of green slime lands on the Count*

SC: Are you alright?

Jeong: I'm out of here.

The team has arrived in Sqornshelous, and is prepared to take on their highly ranked opponent. This discussion took place in the hotel meeting room shortly after checking in.

McAllister: You know what, guys, I'm not scared, not one bit.

Carson: Glad to hear that.

McAllister: Last time when we attempted to qualify we were in awe of these higher ranked teams, and they ended up beating us before the game even started. Not now.

Lewis: Right on, yeah they're good. So what. Give us 90 minutes, and we can beat anyone in the world.

Parnett: There's no reason why we can't get three points against this opponent.

Carson: That's some nice positive spirit that I sense in this room. Now that we've established ourselves a little bit, its time to take it to the next level so we can continue our climb in the rankings.

Brooker: Corey, how you feeling, man?

Hennis: Excited. I can't wait to play them. Bring it on.

Dalton: Corey, the key is just to not be intimidated. I know you pretty well and I know good of a keeper you are. What I learned four years ago is that what separates the top teams from the bottom teams is actually a very fine line. The top teams aren't dramatically better, they're just slightly better in all areas, and take care of the little things, and don't make sloppy mistakes. You will do a fine job.

Hennis: Thanks Kevin, I want to make you proud, I know this isn't easy for you, deep down.

Dalton: Deep down, Corey, I wish i was in goal, sure. But I know that right now you are the better option. You are a hard worker, I've seen it firsthand. You deserve the chance, and I will be rooting for you, kid.

Hennis: Thanks.

Carson: Kevin makes a very good point, the key to winning is avoiding sloppy mistakes. Let's just go out there and play our game, and be smart. If we give them freebies, they will take advantage of them.

McAllister: I can't think of anything that could be greater then walking out of here with three points.

Lewis: Most definitely.

Prescott: Hey coach, has Sqornshelous released their roster yet?

Carson: We're working on it, but fortunately our scouts have been gathering information about the people who played for them four years ago, and other top players in the country, so we will be ready.

Prescott: I think they're just scared.

Carson: That may be, and if they are I know that you will take care of that for me. (pats Prescott on the back)

Prescott: You got it.

McAllister: Whoever they are, we'll take care of them. You'd expect better from the 4th-ranked team in the world, but it won't matter in the end.

Lewis: Three points to Newmanistan. Man, if we did, do you guys realize how much of an advantage that would be for us against teams like the Turks, and maybe even over Vephrall. It would just be huge.

Brooker: Teams that are so protective about relieasing their roster to the general public are so lame. I thought only the bad teams did that, not top ranked teams.

Carson: Well, maybe they're just working on the finishing touches and are about to release it. Don't worry because as I said, we have a good read on their players.

McAllister: Exactly. Here's to a great World Cup 41 qualifying session. We can do this. Yes we can!! Rockets on three, 1.... 2.....

Team: ROCKETS!!!

http://img149.imageshack.us/img149/5147/snpaperay9.png (http://imageshack.us)

New manager, free pistachios and Bostonian leader is a top bloke!

In a rather incredibly un-incredible day that was today that was incredible we have more than one news story to report on today! Let's get on with it shall we?

First up is the new national team manager. After years of speculation, some of it downright ridiculous. I mean Steve McLaren? I mean come on, he's not even good enough for some fake nation on the internet, such as that England lot. No the new man is Rodney Toulere, yes he, the former U21 boss who can't beat Newmanistan even though he had two chances! The man replaces that Kevaugh bloke who has still not been found having been missing for nearly five years.

Speaking at his first press conference Rodney said "I've always wanted to be manager of the senior team but to take over in these circumstances is somewhat of a tragedy. Kevuaghn was a top bloke and a top manager and has been missed by all. He has done SN proud in his two campaigns in charge but for the sake of the team it was time we appointed a new manager."

Rodney then named the squad for the upcoming World Cup which can be found if you look elsewhere, so now onto the big news of the day.

Bostonia Emperor, Emperor Davide Boston has today been declared a top bloke with a great head for fantastic ideas. But this time not by right-wing idiots or SN's small neo-Nazi population (13 at last count) but by none other than President Jimmy Sheridan.

Speaking after proposals for the world to hurl pistachio nuts at the Dallas family Sheridan said, "Jonny, do it bruv! Boston is usually an idiot and is a sworn enemy of our nation having repeatedly tried to assassinate Ben O'Bagels but this idea is just fantastic. It's fabulous, and I 100% support it, we have Jeruselem in our group for the World Cup qualifiers so we have the perfect oppurtunity to lend our weight behind this great campaign. I may even give the Emperor some sort of award for thinking this, you know whatever our equivalent to a knighthood is. In fact I will even get the Ministry of Nuts and Other Salted Snacks to provide each and every fan at the SN Jeruselem game with 1000 tons of pistachio nuts to throw at the Dallas clan. This is an important international campaign and we must do all we can too support it. Hell we may even lift the ban of guns for that game too. Sure a bullet to Dazza Dalles' head won't be the same as a nut but I'm prepared to hand over lifetime Presidency of Sorthern Northland to anyone who shuts that stupid whore of a bitch or any of that family up. Even if he's a Bostopian."

The internet has filled with rumours since this exciting news emerged with some people suggesting that Sorthern Northland is set to change from Metric measurements to Imperial measurements for the duration of the Jeruselem game to allow a larger ton of nuts to be given to each spectator. L'Internationalle promises to give more on this exciting story as it comes. Hell we reckon it'll be the most important international event. In history.

News Article: Rockport Illuminator - Sports Lead

The World is Coming! The World is Coming!


It’s time for the 41st World Cup, and the first world cup featuring the upstart Tar Hornets. So far as a nation we’ve done quite well in international competitions, finishing second in the World Bowl, and winning the 28th Baptism of Fire. But this a whole different type of ballgame. The World Cup is ran and dominated by teams that most Arrozans have never heard of, and played in places that 97% of Arrozans couldn’t find on a map. Even so, the Black and Whites, are going to try their best to pull a Dancougar and get through qualifying. Let’s look at what’s in their way.

Group 9
Arroza (89) – Self-explanatory, no?

Yafor 2 (16) – The consensus pick to run the group with a iron heel.

Unified Beretania (124) – Didn’t we kill these dudes in the BOF?

Yafalonia and Bazor 2 (34) – The Seconds are predicted to be the second team out of group nine, but watch for the banana peels, they’ve got hard road games to contend with as both Kelssek and Arroza think that they can beat the Seconds at home. Recent friendlies prove that that might be the case.

The Indonesian states (UNR) – Who are ya? Who are ya? Who are ya? Who are ya?

Kelssek (48) – Dangerous. They’re going to be fighting for their tournament life every game. Let’s hope they get a lot of draws and cause a lot of chaos against all the other teams in the group, and then we can drive by like a guy driving by a wreck on the 27 Freeway.

What Arroza needs to do:
Massacre the Indonesian States, and Beretania every time we see them, don’t leave a single point on the table, that’s 12. Then maybe we can get a home victory, and a draw somewhere against Yafa y Bazor and Kelssek, that’ll make 16. Then we start needing the help from other teams. Yafor 2 needs to play up and run through the group like a knife through hot butter. Every win against the middle of the group, is a point that teams like Kelssek and the Seconds won’t have at the end.

Friendly
Arroza (89) 1 – @ Newmanistan (51) 1

We tied the 51st team in the world at their field. Good news for the upcoming tourney. Kandji scored in the 29th and then everyone got tired and lazy. Some of the Arrozans got to see who they would be playing with and against in the Newmanistanian league quite soon. And…that’s about it. For more information check the Arrozan Sports Blog at…

The Rockport Illuminator – Your Source for Soccer News on the South Island.

At the Jeruselem training ground, the team were standing around waiting for the coach to make his big announcement. Technical Manager Dazza Dallas was missing too. They waited ... until Abrams Tunk and Princess Marie-Antoinette Dallas turned up. Marie was pushing a trolley with stuff on it.

Tunk:
Good morning team. The government wants to make sure we are all secure during the World Cup so everyone is getting a new PDA. Well, it's a PDA, mobile phone, and tracking device all at the same time. It's actually just a modified iPhone but we call it jPhone. The boys or men get a blue one while girls, women, whores or sluts get a pink one. Me and Dazza get special ones which can be used to track where you are at any time. Any questions?

J Sallad: Do we keep the phone with us all the time?
Tunk: Yes, don't lose it. We'll fine you if you lose or destroy it.
K Sallad: Are there any other features of the phone?
Tunk: Yes, it's DNA activated. The owner's DNA is required to use the phone as well as simple password system.

F Sho: Is there any sort of parental controls on it?
Tunk: No, you can put dirty pictures of yourself on it. I know you don't but some here do. Dazza will.
K Kool: Can we change the batteries on it?
Tunk: There's two batteries on it. You can change the main battery but not the clock battery.

J Sloan: Is it waterproof?
Tunk: Sort of, to a certain depth. It's pretty tough but it's not bullet proof or stuff like that. Anynmore questions?

<Quiet>

Tunk:
OK, Kitty Dallas will give you your personal phones here. If you don't know how to use, Kitty will be able to show you. We've installed the new video clip for Jacinta Dallas and Jacinta Sallad if you get bored too. we'll be holding speed typing lessons for slow typists. Most of the girls don't need it, I suspect the boys will.

<Marie gives out the phones>

F Sho: Hey, I've got an SMS already ... that was quick.
C Cohen: Let me guess it's from my girlfriend.
F Sho: Yes, I think it's from Jacinta Sallad ... yes, it's Jacinta.
J Sallad: Tee Hee!

Tunk: I see some already know how to use it. That's it for now team. You can have day off to do stuff. I have a meeting with Dazza about our first game.
C Cohen: Man, how do you use this thing?
Marie: Come here ya girl, it's simple!
J Sallad: He's useless with phones.

Perspectives

101-849-5000.

The Internet still hasn't really caught on in Vephrall yet. Maybe one in every ten households has a connection, and that's probably a high estimate. And if someone describes their connection as "fourteen-four", you know that person is on the cutting edge.

Therefore, most tickets to sporting events are still sold in person or over the phone. And for those wanting to purchase tickets for Vephrall national football team matches, 101-849-5000 is the number to dial.

Going Spelaad was the one who had drawn the short straw, assigned to work the box office phones the morning that tickets went on sale.

"Thank you for calling Tix5000, how may I help you?"

A slight pause as he listened to something incomprehensible on the other end.

"I'm sorry, I don't speak Vephra. You should have pressed 2 when the automated system told you to."

Another pause.

"I have a wife who does that twice weekly, thank you. Please hold while I connect you to our Vephra-speaking representative."

On to the next caller.

"Thank you for calling Tix5000, how may I help you?"

The obligatory pause to listen to the customer.

"One ticket for the Newmanistan game, okay. And which part of the stadium would you like a ticket for?"

Pause.

"Section 109, row 3? Yeah, the last of those sold out twenty minutes ago. I don't understand why, but every single customer who's requested a ticket in that section has asked for that row."

Another pause.

"O...kay...weird request, but let me see what I've got...ah, I do still have one seat available in that row for the United Hetzel game. All right, I just need your credit card number."

Going completed the order, then hung up the phone. "Bunch of weirdos, these are."

* * *

The Vephraller Foutbiller Restritris has announced the venues to be used for the team's home matches:

MD1: v United Hetzel (Ellime Astiis)
MD2: @ Hockey Canada
MD3: @ Squornshelous
MD4: v Kose and the Turkomans (Uddaphyphose)
MD5: v Newmanistan (Ellime Apenbast)
MD6: @ United Hetzel
MD7: v Hockey Canada (Peppatzerris)
MD8: v Squornshelous (Ellime e Vephrall)
MD9: @ Kose and the Turkomans (Sultan Ibrahim XIII Stadi)
MD10: @ Newmanistan (Southport Stadium)

Stadium QuickInfo

Ellime Astiis
Capacity 47,000
Defae, Salle
Home of Terabits (Cintrin A)

Uddaphyphose
Capacity 62,951
Penuls, Riestre
Home of 1756 Cintrin A champions Poiki

Ellime Apenbast
Capacity 66,218
Netlas, Sumbobor
Home of Ammites (Cintrin A)
World Cup 38 host venue

Peppatzerris
Capacity 50,220
Tuffir, Shentarong
Home of Sichisers (Cintrin A)
World Cup 38 host venue

Ellime e Vephrall
Capacity 80,426
Meice, Bektys
Location of domestic cup final
World Cup 38 host venue

"Is it a really good idea for the VSC to be entering us in the World Cup again? I know we are the defending champions, but after everything that has happened to this nation, to this Commentwealth, in the last three years, is it the right thing to do? Even the domestic league is taking a year off to help deal with the tragedies." the tall woman with shoulder legnth dirty blonde hair questioned Surion Furane.

"I understand your concerns here Florence, but the VSC voted 12 to 8 in favor of entering the team in the tournament. The Commitee feels that if they did not enter the tournament, that they would not only be letting down their fellow competitors, but it would not have the desired effect. Instead of giving us time to grieve and rebuild, it would only make those left of us even more depressed. By entering the tournament, we can install some sence of normalcy for these people, whatever small comfort it is."

Forlence Swift was not happy. The President of the Premiership and the entire League system in the ESF, had voiced her concerns multiple times about why she thought that the national team should not enter this tournament, and yet it seemed the commitee refused to heed her concerns. Just last week the national team had a friendly against co-host Ad'han as a warm up to the qualifying process that was to begin in two weeks. It was evident from that match that the events of the Tides of Darkness and the chaos that had ensued was waying heavily on their minds, as their performance was not up to standard. She had hoped that upon witnessing the poor display that the VSC would reconsider their position, yet they had not, thus she found herself at Furane's estate.

"Surely the fixture against Ad'ihan shows that this team and nation is not ready to move on in that direction. You and I both saw how distracted the entire side was, they were shadows of themselves out of that field. The stadium was not even filled half to capacity, where in tournaments prior, even friendlies were sold out weeks before the fixture date. You must see that this is not the correct course of action Furion."

"You are wrong my dear Florence. In time you will see that the decision was made for the betterment of the Commonwealth. Though the present situation may not be ideal, it is what we have and we must make hard decisions in order to move on and grow from this expierence. Surely you trust in our Great Leader? He spoke to me himself and told me that this was the right move and that it was the first step in the healing process. A nation simply can not move on from losing over 8 billion people without taking the first step, and I believe that this is it."

Sighing deeply, the elf slid her glasses back up her slender nose and her pale blue eyes seemed so distant as she spoke, "No, I trust in Tobias. For without him, we might of been completely irradicated. Yet there is a tug in my heart that tells me that this is not right. Something is not the same Furion, I feel it every day. I feel torn, as if a part of me has been torn away. I do not think that our beautiful game is enough to fill that void, not even close. It's as if the very thing that empowered me has been stolen."

"I know of the ache you speak of Florence, I feel it as well. I wonder if we are all feeling it, it would be a shame if it were so. Soo many men and women lost, and then those that remained to be plagued with a void, it would be something of a perfect tragedy, stories of old."

Florence moved over to the window and looked across the city. Char Sara was a far cry from its former self, it was one of the cities most devestated by the Tides of Darkness. Though rubble still littered many of the city's streets, some of the buildings that had been destroyed were now being remade from the same material that been destroyed in the sacking of the city. Before her stood a new tower of Jas Hatire, remade from the rubble of the statur of Elune that had been here before the invasion. Her eyes focused on the mountain in the distance, Mount Sumarja, where the High Priestess and her devout followers were also feeling the great pain that the race now had, and were attempting to fix it...

Vonkian Post-Friendly Press Conference

Gordon Bourdon, Vonkian Daily Newspaper reporter: A 3-1 defeat at the hands of Jeru FC. Disappointed?

Werner Borr, captain: A little. We were hoping that after beating Taeshan on their home turf, we might have had a good chance against the similarly-ranked Jeru here in Vonks. But unfortunately we weren’t able to play in the stadium, and I think the tree-top makeshift pitch suited our opponents more. Except their captain, whom I noticed being sick just after the game.

Nigel Nigel, goalscorer: Is she okay?

Borr: She’s fine, that Private Knock Them Up is looking after her. Nice guy.

GB: The Jeru players have suggested that the “pitch” – a perilous assemblage of planks nailed haphazardly between the highest branches of a number of very tall trees – was unsatisfactory. Do you agree?

Peter Ballantyne, VFA Chairman: No, no, no, it wasn’t as bad as they say. The Vonkian National Stadium just wasn’t ready, you see, and there isn’t another football-pitch-sized area in the country without a house or a tree or a big pointy rock in the way. It had to be the treetops. And apart from a few minor teething problems, I think everything worked out very well.

GB: There was the incident with “Fatty” Khudanpur…

Ballantyne: Yes, but that was really more young Rajesh’s fault. We had tested the planking up to a weight of twenty stones, but it seems that after his impressive performance in the Baptism of Fire, he’d been offered a few free meals, and put on a few pounds. He now weighs 22 stone 3, and as soon as he set foot on the pitch to warm up, of course he fell right through and plummeted fifty feet to the forest floor.

Borr: Luckily, a few branches checked his fall, and his layers of blubber protected him from any serious internal injuries. We’re sure he’ll be back on his feet soon.

GB: And then that problem that led to the Vonks goal, too.

Nigel: Now look, that goal is mine, you can’t take it away from me! I was the last one to touch the ball before one end of the pitch fell down when a branch broke, and so when the ball fell into their goal, it counts as me scoring!

GB: After the pitch was fixed, the game was rather a one-sided affair, would you agree?

Borr: Yes, I was disappointed in the lads this time, I must admit. Pretty much all the team were scared to move too much in case the planks gave way, and frankly even if they had been running around, they wouldn’t have been a match for the Jeru players. I’m not sure what we can do to improve. I tried yelling at them, and Vasko tried hitting them, but they still don’t seem as motivated as they could be.

GB: Adam Bradshaw has been singled out for criticism by the Vonkian press (ie me) for the way he spent the entire game hanging around the Jeru goal making romantic overtures to goalkeeper Louise Cuddlebugs.

Ballantyne: Ha ha, well, we were all young once, weren’t we? The poor boy’s just fallen in love with her unusual name. I remember when I was a young man I had a fascination with the actress Valerie O’Halloran. The melodic flow of her name just enraptured me. I sent her love letters, I followed her around, I sang serenades outside her window… more than once I broke into her house and stole her treasured posessions… the judge said my actions were a major contributing factor in her alcoholism, nervous breakdown and eventual death… happy days. Except for the ten years in prison.

GB: Um. Okay, so, returning to football, Roman Ciano didn’t have a great game in goal. Was it a good decision to play a blind goalkeeper?

Borr: Well, we didn’t really have much choice. Trevelyan’s so scared of heights he spent the entire game gibbering insanely and clinging to a tree, and “Dennis” was worried about harming his unborn baby by falling fifty feet from the platform.

Nigel: To be fair to Roman, he didn’t knock himself out on a goalpost this time. He basically just stood in the middle of the goal, waving his arms up and down randomly. He nearly stopped one of the goals going in.

GB: So, the qualifiers await. Are the team ready? Is the stadium ready?

Ballantyne: The stadium should be fine by the time Bettia arrive. We’ve cleared out the moles, we’ve got rid of the woodworm in the seating, we’ve killed all the pigeons in a fifty-mile radius in case they try to start something, I’m sure we’ll be ready.

GB: Speaking of Bettia, they’ve expressed disappointment that Vonks will be playing in red. Are there any plans to do something about it and not conflict with their religious beliefs?

Ballantyne: Well, even though all religions, and all those who follow them, are unfathomably stupid, we do pride ourselves here in Vonks on tolerating those who hold silly beliefs. We’d love to change our kit, but there just aren’t enough squirrels in Vonks of any colour other than red. We tried to introduce grey squirrels to the forests, but it didn’t work out – the red squirrels just ganged up on them and kicked them out of the country. We do have a backup plan, which is going to be put into operation soon. You might have heard of that kind of moth that turned black so that it could blend in to sooty buildings instead of trees after the industrial revolution? Fascinating story. So we’re going to start big fires in all the major forests, fill them with choking black smoke, and hope that it encourages black squirrels to flourish, and then be made into a change kit for the national football team. All we’re waiting on is government approval, since this plan will cause an environmental disaster and possibly the deaths of all animal life in the country.

GB: Fingers crossed, eh? Well, a trip to Kura-Pelland awaits. Possibly the biggest game in Vonkian football history. Are you looking forward to it?

Borr: I suppose so.

Nigel: Actually, I’d rather be at home. It’s my auntie’s birthday that day.

OOC: Disclaimer - Please note that being Northern Bettian, this news report is written from a highly biased point of view, and therefore not all facts stated may strictly be accurate. Any offence caused is strictly IC!

The Anyuna Observer: shit ground no fans, no fans shit ground...
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y231/bettia/nbet-badge.gif
FANB Concern Over Low Attendances

http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y231/bettia/badstadiumplanning.jpg
A typically sparse turnout at a recent match which has baffled FANB officials

As the mighty Fire Ants prepare for yet another assault (in every sense of the word) on the World Cup, problems were mounting off the pitch as attendances at recent Northern Bettia friendly matches have plummeted alarmingly. One FANB bloke in a suit was quoted as saying "I simply don't know what has happened. It's as though the fans don't care. Bloody bastards! Traitors the lot of 'em! String em up and shoot em, that's what I say!"

As the official (who by now was foaming at the mouth) was being led away by some friendly men in white coats, a real FANB official told a packed news conference "I'm sure the real fans will start to arrive for our matches any time now. It could very well be that most of them are travelling over to Cafundéu right as we speak. As we all know, Northern Bettian fans are banned from most countries for reasons that are quite beyond us, and so they have to use rather unconventional means of getting to away matches. Yes, I'm quite confident that there'll be thousands of our fans, who are always well-behaved, who are waiting to cheer our lads on."

When asked what he thought Northern Bettia's chances are, he laughed and proceeded to explain about the new statistical analysis tool being used by the FANB to predict the outcome of every match. Dubbed 'NBET-FootySim', this program is a version of an existing scorinator modified to give more realistic outputs when it comes to Northern Bettian matches. He then used a projector to show the results of the Qualifying Group simulation:


Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Northern Bettia 10 10 0 0 198 0 198 30
2 Cafundéu 10 8 0 2 20 16 4 24
3 Lovisa 10 5 1 4 15 28 -3 16
4 Frontenax 10 3 3 7 10 46 -6 12
5 Nehrland 10 1 6 8 8 51 -13 4
6 Frontenax 10 0 2 13 6 64 -2 2


A round of applause promptly rang out in the conference room. When one plucky reporter later pointed out that some of the figures were a little bit dodgy (not to mention that one team appeared twice in the table), the FANB official pulled out a gun and proceeded to decorate the room in a new shade called 'Hint of Reporter's Brain'. No further questions were asked.

Fixtures / Results

MD..OPPONENT...............VENUE......RESULT (SCORERS)


Qualifying Group 5

01: Cafundéu...............Away.......
02: Southsuburbia..........HOME.......
03: Nehrland...............Away.......
04: Frontenax..............HOME.......
05: Lovisa.................HOME.......
06: Cafundéu...............HOME.......
07: Southsuburbia..........Away.......
08: Nehrland...............HOME.......
09: Frontenax..............Away.......
10: Lovisa.................Away.......

"Played up to Dylandy, who controls the ball and holds of McCafferty, squares it to Leyton..."

Peter watched as Newmanistan held onto their 3-2 lead, but something told him that it would be four soon. The Wings were leaving themselves exposed at the back, no mistake, in their push for the equilizer. He had the Suck Note in hand. He'd already run a few small experiments during the game and was pleased with the results, although the forty second delay between writing the name and the actual effect was annoying. It was basically impossible to respond to changing conditions; rather, it was all about the setup.

Actually, it might be a good idea to test how far this thing goes... he thought. He'd only been trying one-time events. The rule said he could write specific methods of sucking... could that be used to extend the note's effects? Could he write, for instance, "Brett Prescott, shies away from every challenge like ever"? He was about to try when he heard keys in the door. The deadbolt clicked. In a quick motion, he'd scooped up a couch cushion, tossed the note and his pen under it, and returned to his seat.

"Hey, Pete!" called Russ.

"Dude, where you been?" asked Peter. "You've been gone for like three days!"

"Yeah... I was getting us work," Russ replied.

"That's good, because I certainly didn't," Peter said. He glanced at the game. The long clearance looked to be corralled by Yukikaze, but he slipped on the turf and the ball bounced to Jeremy McAllister, who now had a free run at goal. He tensed up. Damn it, I should've...

"Man, that sucks!" Russ muttered. "They're gonna put four on us?"

Twelve hours earlier, undisclosed location...

"Match fixing?" asked Russ. "In regionals?!"

Patterson look a long drag from his cigarette. There were a number of games up on a wall of TVs, and in each of them, players were taking blatantly horrible shots, making stupid tackles, and ignoring the run of play. "That's what it looks like to us," he replied. "If so, it represents a tremendous scandal that needs to be deal with before it goes beyond that level."

"But it just looks like guys making mistakes," Russ replied. "I mean, that happens, right?"

"It does, but they all have something in common," Patterson continued. "When they were asked about it after the game, every single guy couldn't remember what happened. And when showed a game tape, they denied it."

"Well, a lot of things happen during the course of the game," said Russ. "It's hard to remember a certain play." He held his hand to his chin. "Although, it's suspicious that they all have the exact same story."

"Exactly. You think a player'd remember a studs-up tackle that got him ejected," Patterson replied. "Especially when the player in question is known for playing clean football. The poor guy couldn't believe it when we showed him. He kept saying over and over again, 'I never hit the guy.'" He dipped his cigarette in the ashtray and reached into his pocket for another.

"And if they're regional league games, there's not really anything at stake, though," said Russ. "So why go through the trouble?"

"Now that the D-League is starting up, players here are going to be under more scrutiny, since the best guys are going to be able to land pro contracts," Patterson said. "And if there's expansion, then the best regional teams are in a position to jump straight up to the top flight. So there's plenty of reasons to want results."

Russ leaned back in his chair. "I guess you want us to dig into this, then?" he asked.

Patterson smiled as he took a drag. "Straight to the point, eh, son?"

Twelve hours later, Yuki City, National Stadium

"Oh, GOD, there he goes!" Stephen, from his seats, threw his hands up in disgust. His friends, sitting around him, did more or less the same. Up until then, they'd been clapping and chanting, 'Let's go, Black Wings' as the team frantically searched for the tying goal. Although Stephen, it had to be said, was less enthusiastic. He had been since they went down 2-0. "We're not going to make it back," he'd said then. And now McAllister looked to prove him right.

"That's four," his friend Karen sighed. "One on one."

"What did you expect from a defender who plays in the D-League, right?"

It's not that... Stephen was thinking. No, the D-League should be better. They'd be able to test themselves against strong opponents if they weren't stolen away by foreign teams. Once the king opened this country up more, he made us subject to their money and power. And the coach is foreign, too... he has no idea what we can do here!

"Do you wish for power?" A single voice stood out of all those in the stadium. Stephen snapped to attention and looked around him for the source. Time, it seemed, had frozen. He looked down. Standing, a row in front of him, was a girl. She stared up at him with shining eyes. "I ask again. Do you wish for power?"

"Power?" asked Stephen.

"I can sense a burning desire inside you," she answered. "A desire to change the world around you."

"And you would offer me the strength to do it?" Stephen asked.

She extended her hand to him. "A contract," she said. "If you will fulfill my greatest wish, I will grant you this power."

"What might that be?" asked Stephen.

She smiled. "One day, you'll know."

Stephen didn't think it over for long. He took her hand. "I accept your terms." Suddenly, time had returned. The stadium was loud once again. Stephen looked down where the girl had been... she was gone. He looked down at his hand. He could've sworn she was just there.

The Newmanistan corner of the stadium was cheering McAllister one as he bore down on goal. Watanabe had no choice but to come out of goal and try to cut down the angle, but surely it wouldn't make a difference. Stephen glared at McAllister. "No way will I let this continue!" he said to himself. "I, Stephen vi Dancougar, order you... MISS!!"

McAllister was prepared to send in a hard shot underneath Watanabe when something hit him. He didn't know what. And in fact, the next few seconds were a black hole in time... he wouldn't be able to answer questions about it after the game. As far as he knew, those precious seconds didn't exist. He scooped the ball up and tried to cheekily flick it over Watanabe into goal, but with all of it to shoot at, McAllister shot wide.

From the stands, the Dancougar fans erupted. Surely, Margaret had smiled upon them and granted them one more chance. Stephen's lips curled into a twisted grin. Good...!!

The Daily Quibbler
We lose our power when we lose our voice!

What is the Daily Quibbler?
News in KaMaRi kali is almost exclusively dominated by the opinionated and sometimes unreliable Update. We are a group of idealists from the entire political hypermatrix, who want to provide better, more reality-adhering and less slanted information. The name of the newspaper indeed stems from the Quibbler in a childrens' book we all know and maybe even like and the interpretation of Gred and Forge in the song "Save the Quibbler".

K~jurumaleha Contributers Cause Controversy
The K~jurumaleha is (or has the chance to be) one of the most important contracts in recent Rejistani history. The treaty, which deals with matters of free travel between the implementing nations and the abolition of intra-rejistani tariffs, standardization and other issues (which however important would move us far from our original topic) also has a paragraph concerning joint representation in international sports. While KaMaRi has not yet joined the K~jurumaleha, the lentinic parliament of KaMaRi kali is considering this.

Jumi Atika of the liside of progress, the 3rd liside for scientific education, the unified liside against parking fees and the liside of eventual subsidization probably speaks for none of them when he sees the treaty a chance to 'bring KaMaRi or Rejistania back to the international level of quality in sports'. In the meanwhile, politicians like Hatai I Syku of the liside of morality, the liside for pensioner's rights and privileges, and the liside of commerce sees the issue much more negative: "If there is joint-representation, only very few KaMaRian sportsmen will be supported well enough to reach world-class skills because their place in international tournaments will be taken by a Seleken or a Na~oviki."

Coach Inik Y refused to comment on the matter calling it: "Tomorrow's party, not today's." He did signal that he would arrange with both possible political situations preferencelessly.

GRIZZLIES BEGIN FIRST QUALIFIYING RUN
MIXED REACTIONS TO GROUP DRAW

HANGYEONG, DAEHANJEIGUK After losing their first match in the final of the Baptism of Fire, the National Team and their fans had been sulking around in a state of depression. Definately not looking forward to the upcoming World Cup, only about fifteen million tuned in to watch the live draw from Cha Beomgeun Memorial Football Stadium in Daehanjeiguk, placing it third in the national ratings, a far cry from the days when Grizzly football topped the ratings. Even now, with the debut of the new Frontier Sports Channel, the Group Draw failed to draw as many viewers as did the draw for the International Basketball Championships. Results of the draw, however, did perform well on Frontier Sports online recap, at one point shutting down the channel's website.

So how did the draw go? Most agree that the Grizzlies will not shine in their first qualifiying attempt and will be fighting to keep a favourable win-lose record. Three of the top fifty teams will be duking it out for the qualifiying spots while the Grizzlies, ranked #93, will pale in comparison. Hopefully for the Grizzlies, however, they will be accompanied by two teams ranked in the hundreds, hopefully providing for easy wins. The teams drawn are as followed in order of their international ranking: Cafundéu (14), Northern Bettia (18), Lovisa (35), Nehrland (124), and SouthSuburbia (161).

The toughest matches for the Grizzlies will be against Cafundéu and Northern Bettia, both of whom will be duking it out for the top spot in the Group and expecting to pick up easy wins against Frontenax. Lovisa will also be fighting for wins, hoping to beat out the Grizzlies to try and take the second spot from an unsuspecting Cafundéu or Northern Bettia. A strong defense will hopefully allow for these three teams to pick up draws, low-margin victories, and even (in more hope) a lose against the Grizzlies. The other two teams of the Group, Nerhland and SouthSuburbia, will only be fighting to stay alive in this tournament. Frontenax will be playing a strong offense against these two teams to try and pull off strong victories that will hopefully equalize in a higher ranking for the Grizzlies in their next attempt to qualify.

Schedule
MD1: FRONTENAX @ SouthSuburbia
MD2: Nehrland @ FRONTENAX (Frontier Field, Anchorage)
MD3: Lovisa @ FRONTENAX (Frontier Field, Anchorage)
MD4: FRONTENAX @ NorthernBettia (Sakura Park, Anyuna)
MD5: FRONTENAX @ Cafundéu (Arena América, Abadia)
MD6: SouthSuburbia @ FRONTENAX (Frontier Field, Anchorage)
MD7: FRONTENAX @ Nehrland
MD8: FRONTENAX @ Lovisa
MD9: Northern Bettia @ FRONTENAX (Frontier Field, Anchorage)
MD10: Cafundéu @ FRONTENAX (Frontier Field, Anchorage)

The first match will be against unknown SouthSuburbia. "No roster, no venue, no contact information, all I know is that at #161 we ought to beat the **** out of the them." The trouble of the mysteriousness that is SouthSuburbia has unfolded at the offices of the Grizzlies' sponsor, Frontier Airlines. "We're still trying to find them on a map, but rest assured, we will get there... somehow," was the official press statement released by the airline. One way or another, the Grizzlies hope to capitalize and win their first qualifier.

The match will begin live at 15:00 FST on the new Frontier Sports Channel 6, with a later rebroadcast shortly after midnight.
THE NORTH STAR TIMES, ONLINE EDITION, 2008.

Pre-Qualification Statistics
P W D L GF GA GD
7 6 0 1 15 6 +9

Top Scorers: Haverford (5), Salem (5), Pellegrino (2), Kapoor (2), Fischer (1)

A few months ago:

Inik Y was sitting on the balcony, looking into the beautiful sunset. Suddenly, the phone rang and woke him out of his daydreams (he was daydreaming a lot after his retirement). He checked whether this was a call of his grandson, who had a tendency of being very annoying or of his daughter, who had an even less bearable tendency of getting into trouble. After checking that it was neither a number, which belonged to them nor one of the local police station, Inik accepted the call.

IY: Su?

SL: Syku Lyku Jira'tes here, I saw that you wrote a letter to the editor to the KaMaRi Update, claiming 'every drunk chimpanzee would be a better national coach than Ly'he, provided he won't sober up too early'. Do you confirm that?

IY: Well, yes. Are you a lawyer?

SL: I am that Syku Lyku or the KaMaRian soccer association. You see? All suitable candidates for the job of a national coach were not interested. All moderately suitable candidates for the position were not interested. All absolutely not suitable candidates for the position were not interested...

IY: Yes?

SL: You see the issue. They think the only thing these coaches can do is disgrace themselves.

IY: I can understand that.

SL: Well, you coached a youth team,.. 20 years ago... confirm su?

IY: Yes, that is true.

SL: Well, the choice seems currently to be between you or the drunk chimpanzee. But we fear PETA if we decide for the second choice.

IY: You mean?

SL: Of course, if you do not accept, we still have the possibility to sue you for that letter to the editor.

IY: Jikes! I think you found your candidate in that case.

"You can't build it like that, my Lord," Niri Drolgorbizm said, trying to maintain the deepest respect for the Lord Khim Azanulbizarn, Minister for Sport.

"Shut yer cakehole." Azanulbizarn replied, showing the Minister for the Environment very little respect. Indeed, much less than he deserved.

"The regulations are in place," Niri continued, with barely a hint of a Dwarven accent, "and the new building codes state that you cannot build this stadium the way you intend.; it's just not environmentally friendly enough!"

"We drew oop t'plans years in t'past," Khim shot back, "these 'ave been in ferr aboot six months. We be building it as planned."

"Any building that has not had a single foundation laid before the regulations came in is bound by these rules," Niri said, showing his trump card, "your site has barely been flattened, and not a single brick put in place. Change the plans or you cannae build it."

The two Dwarves were close to coming to blows, both entrenched in their views and believing they had good common Dwarfsense on their side. Khim had a stadium that he wanted to build, while Niri had an environment that needed protecting. In an earlier time, this sort of thing would have been settled by an armwrestling, drinking or axethrowing competition (or a combination of all three). In the modern world, with one Minister appointed by the Lord-Protector and another Minister elected and appointed by the people of Starblaydia via the Starblaydi Democratic party, there was only one tiebreaker.

"Come in," came the voice from inside the office, a voice recognisable to pretty much every being in Atlantian Oceania and probably beyond. Both Dwarves stepped in, with Niri deferring to his elder, Khim, letting him step through first, as was only right and proper. The two explained their situation calmly and coolly, until Niri quoted the building regulations for the umpteenth time.

"Fook yer regulations," Khim yelled, "Ah'm buildin' the best stadium int'world!"

"That's enough." Tiberius Starblayde's words, simple and calmly spoken, silenced them both like naughty schoolchildren. "Yes, Khim, we'll have the best stadium in the history of the world but yes, Niri, it will conform to every green building code in our shiny new book. The design changes. I want ground source heat pumps, solar panels, energy-saving lights, rain capture systems, eco-friendly everything. 196,754 seats will still be inside, and the design will still be challenging yet traditional."

"Aye." Both the Dwarves said at once.

"And," Tiberius continued, "you do realise what the stadium is going to be called, don't you?" The Ministers looked blank. "Stadii Di Bradini, of course."

http://img372.imageshack.us/img372/795/snpaperqj5.png (http://imageshack.us)

We lose friendly, Toulere out!

Stop Press: No, wait! We win, Toulere confirmed as legend

As this paper was about to go to press we were told by World Cup organising officials that we had lost a friendly to TheHURD 2-0. Of course we knew this to be false having actually watched the game but because the World Cup organisers said so defeat was the correct score.

However the inept World Cup organisers then realised their mistake and released the correct score. Sorthern Northland 3-1 KaMaRi, causing us to rip up our made up report for TheHURD game and write a report on the actual game. Silly transvestite fools!

The game (the actual one that is not the made up one) was an interesting one. Both teams were playing their first games under new leaders. KaMaRi’s Inik Y was chosen as a desperate last choice with no one else being available for the job. Sorthern Northland’s Rodney Toulere was chosen as a desperate first choice due to no one else being available for the job.

John Hernandez nearly eight years ago, was a part of that first Sorthern side to qualify for World Cup finals. Following a first game win over Zwangzug which a Hernandez hat-trick paved the way for the win Hernandez was to become a national hero for a short time. However just hours later following a alcohol and sex related scandal he was sent home from the squad, reputation and career in ruins. A scandal released by the SNFA released at the time of the incident said “This disciplinary action was taken after a game of I've Never on the coach back to the hotel revealed that Hernandez was both a virgin and a teetotaller. One we can accept, two just brings shame upon our nation.”

It was somewhat of a surprise then when new manager Rodney Toulere called Hernandez up in his first squad. And even more of a surprise when it was announced to was to start the game. It may have been eight year previous but it seems some fans still hadn’t forgiven the striker. His name was met with a chorus of jeers and boring when the team line ups were announced before the start of the game at Olympia Stadium in Little Greece, the first ever time international football had visited this pleasant little city.

With the 75,000 capacity stadium packed to the rafters it was the Sortherners who took the lead after just ten minutes. A good chance was carved out by some intelligent midfield play from KaMaRi but Hilat Takil up front failed to take advantage and only gave the ball to SN left back Nathan Keen. Keen quickly took the ball upfield playing it to the by now surely ageing Feng Shui (just how long will he go on for?) who took on one defender and another and another until he’d beaten every defender (not just on the pitch either, he decided to take on a few off it somehow!). But anyway by the time he’d taken on the defenders he crossed the ball in low to the feet of a Sorthern striker. The striker messed up a bit but it still ended up in the net! GOOOOLLLL!!! One nil, the crowd went wild. Then it came. The stadium announcer, “Sorthern Northland’s goal scored by JOHN HERNANDEZ!” An awkward silence fell over those who just ten minutes earlier, should they boo, should they cheer? A brief meeting was called between them as the ref kindly held up play as he waited for it to finish,(either that or he was waiting for the donkey streaking on the pitch to be removed from play) and after a few minutes heated debate they decided. They were to carry on booing unless he scored again. John Hernandez? Score again? Yeah right! Ho ho!

Then something happened. Something extraordinary. Something amazing! A player pulled up his sock and the TV didn’t show a slow-motion replay of it! The shock, the horror the… the…, I don’t know, it’s just unbelievable. Oh it started pissing it down with rain as well.

Yep the heavens well and truly opened and seeing as we were in Little Greece it felt only fair to accuse the Greek God of Rain, none other than Zeus, for this turn in the weather. At first it made little difference as SN carried on dominating. They even had a great chance to score again. Gregory Pinoc speeding the ball across the greasy surface in the goal mouth to Jua Huwang, (noted in the C&M for his lack of goalscoring prowess) to tap home, he tapped the ball and ran off to celebrate, then turned round and saw that it had got stuck in the mud on the line and not gone in. KaMaRi possibly not believing their luck took the ball and despite having no defenders to beat (what with the Sortherners celebrating a “goal”) they somehow conspired to miss a glorious chance to equalise. The miss along with the weather then changed the game and KaMaRi getting the upper hand and just before half time with the rain subsiding they took it. The wet conditions saw defender Oah Pione lose control of his sliding tackle and bring down Siki Amu to give KaMaRi a penalty (stupid Greek ref, it was clearly a DIVE!). Amu got up, took the penalty, and fell on his/her arse in the process of kicking the ball. Unfortunately Jonny Sage also fell on his arse somehow with the ball trickling to a stop just before the goal line. Ken Hetinx proceeded to run up and smash it in the net from all of two metres out to score. SN responded quickly though as John Hernandez was alert to notice that this falling on arse business seemed to be infectious as KaMaRi keeper Alik Hana had done exactly that in getting back into position for the kick off. Hernandez receiving the ball from kick off then booted it over the keepers prone body and into the net. The fans once again debated whether or not to cheer and in the end decided to go to the bar instead.

Unfortunately at half time my criticism of the Gods seemed to anger someone as despite the rain and the storm having passed a lighting bolt came down and struck me from the sky leaving me unconscious and in hospital. Apparently Zeus as well as the being the God of Rain is also the God of Thunder so I shall be having words with my lawyers to see if I can take action against the Greek fool.

Obviously I missed the second half but the official World Cup organisers website reliably says that we won 3-1 with John Hernandez getting the third. Well actually they said we lost to TheHURD first of all so maybe it isn’t so reliable. Yes, yes alright so the SNFA email said we were playing TheHURD but they didn’t know TheHURD are now KaMaRi did they? But anyway I must finish here as due to the which game is it mishap I’ve had to rewrite this report literally minutes before this goes to press and I must go and get some pistachio nuts for the first qualifying game. I think we’re playing Nethertopia not Jeruselem but I need to get some practise for the Jeruselem game.

Rei Portair. (Some free lance sports journo we hired)

http://www.btinternet.com/~david.boston/_bostopia/dailymailheader.png

SORTHERN NORTHLAND LEADER PRAISES EMPEROR BOSTON

Lefties scare and confuse young Bostopians again

Following yesterday's announcement that the Emperor was encouraging others to throw pistachio nuts at the Dallas girls – now including the Sallad girls, who were overlooked at the time of the announcement – the President of Southern Northland, Jimbob Sheridan, a local redneck who rose to power, praised the Emperor for a “just fantastic” idea.

However, Sheridan has caused concerns within conservative communities in Bostopia as praising the idea as “just fantastic”. After canvassing previously background checked persons on our database, the Daily Mail can state that 97% of the Bostopian public who answered are now “certain” that President Jimbob Sheridan is homosexual. The other 3% stated they were unsure, and won a free holiday.

As for the pistachio throwing, the Emperor has declared a points system be put in place, and that after the World Cup, the best incident of a Dallas girl being hit by a pistachio nut will be awarded the prize of two pints of lager and a packet of crisps from the Emperor's local pub, the Bear and Ragged Staff*.

Clubs are quickly setting up across Bostopia to promote this new sport, with some forging international links with former enemies. One message board on the internet was filled with Bostopians, Septentrionians and Southern Northlanders establishing “meet” locations in neutral zones, with some planning far ahead enough to start devising strategies for the World Cup proper.

*The two pints of lager and packet of crisps will be consumed by the Emperor as soon as possible for health and safety reasons, and to prevent the lager going flat.

La presse d'Ourseville
The law forces us to tell you that our government is the best in the world

Report of the new reality show "Les slut machines"

Yesterday, the five finalist girls for the show were chosen. Let's remind our faithful readers that an anouncement by the programming director in this newspaper earlier this month was used to recruit people for this reality show. Let's now take a look at our finalists:


Julie Desnoyers:
At 20 years old, she is one of the oldest on the crew. She can speak French correctly (which is odd for someone only with a 4th grade diploma) and also some bits of Bensroomese, we don't know why. She can get naked very quick (about 5 seconds) and she actually likes to show her... err.... romantic parts. She also has played soccer in a women's team, les Lapines Roses d'Ourseville... or was it actually something else? Also worthy of note, she likes nuts. That makes Julie one of the favourites to win the contest.
Martine Levasseur:
The most intellectual girl of the group on paper, as she has her high school diploma. But it's likely to stop here, as she doesn't really like school. Her parents are very religious and go to church every sunday. When her parents realised she wasn't very religious, they let her do whatever she wanted. Martine then realised she could go to her boyfriend and, well... have some fun. But still, she's intelligent enough and should bring a bit of intelligence to the girls.
Géraldine Dubuc:
A proud supporter of the Northmen. At school, she's been insulted many times because of her name, usually associated with an old person. She's actually quite pretty and is 19 years old. She likes to hate on people speaking English after a trip in Bostopia brought her to meet the Emperor, who told her to fuck off. She interpreted it as "to go fuck" and, since then, she's a whore.
Claudine Bérubé
This 19 years old girl has been a hit in the megalopolis of Baie-Labelle. Lately, she hit 4 guys, got hit by 2 others and shooted the sherif. Well, it was actually a guy named Martin Chérife. Anyway, she's known as the town's bum and she's ready for the fight with other girls. She's quite hot for a villager, so don't worry, other uncultured people, you'll like her.
Pensée Lafleur
This 18 years old girl likes to go to bed early... then to wake up... then to go to bed... but not like normal people. She only likes to do that when she's got a boyfriend. Else, well... she always stays in bed... She likes to eat cocks... You read right: she likes to eat Fried Chicken, as she makes her dirtier. She's not really educated, but she knows what a threesome means. Pensée tends to bring flowers to her rendez-vous with "friends", especially pansies. When she once headed to Stayblaydia, people said she was a pansy, to which she replied "At least, my French Kisses are respected." Of course, she meant she was French and that she liked to kiss her mom, but her reputation was done.


We are wishing good luck to our contenders. You can watch Les Slut Machines on Télé-7 at 19:00, replayed at 11:33

Jeruselem Government News

Throwing nuts at Jeruselem girls "not on" in Jeruselem

Anyone caught throwing objects at Jeruselem team players, Dallas girls and Jeruselem football employees in general will be severely punished in Jeruselem at Jeruselem home games. This applies to locals as well as tourists.

If the object being throw is deemed dangerous, the security forces will act with "deadly" force if necessary. This does not exclude offenders dropping dead from sniper fire. When asked why snipers were at football games, security chief for the Jeruselem FA said "They are always there. They don't do anything unless needed. That's how we operate. I suggest people just behave themselves."

An odd phenonama of recent times has come to our attention. Some local louts threw beer bottles at Dazza Dallas during local Jeruselem Premier League game. They swear they threw the bottles at Dazza but the bottles turned around hit them instead. One said "It was like that Star Wars stuff, she's a Jedi or Sith I swear".

Another man who is in hospital, said he threw a fire cracker at Dazza recently during a public autograph signing. It didn't leave his hand and go exactly where it should as it ended down his pants and exploded. He will be charged for possession of an explosive and the intent to cause a public nuisance when he leaves hospital.

When asked about these claims Dazza Dallas said "I wasn't me! I think I have a guardian angel!"

Any tourist caught importing large amounts of pistachio nuts illegally into Jeruselem will be forced to eat their imported product before they leave the country.

http://web.syr.edu/~bamilcza/Wallpaper/surprise%20-%201024x768.JPG

RP CUTOFF!

SCORES (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13762941&postcount=4)

THE ROCKET REPORT

CAN THEY DO IT?

Sqornshelous- We're moments away from kickoff between Newmanistan and Sqornshelous, a game that on paper, probably favors the home team. But Margaret knows that games are not won on paper, and right now the Rockets believe in themselves and what they are capable of doing. Sure, many people when figuring out where Newmanistan will get points during qualifying have this game as a big fat goose egg, but you never know. Starting off with a draw on Sqornshelous turf would be a great way to start. And starting off with a win? Getting three points on the round at the 4th ranked team in the world would just do wonders for Newmanistan's confidence during the rest of qualification. Some say it's clear that the Rockets want it more, as Sqornshelous appears confident that they can roll through qualifying. Teams like this can always be a little frustrating, but they know what works, and you have to respect that. Our Clint Peterson sat down with coach Brian Carson in an interview that was pre-recorded a few hours ago, and we bring it to you now.

CP: Ok, once again I am here with the man, Brian Carson. World Cup 41 qualifying is set to begin. Are you excited?

BC: Thanks Clint, and hello to all of our great fans out there. I'm excited, sure. Coaching a qualifying effort is very stressful ordeal, but I am blessed to be one of the 90 men or women that have this opportunity. I always try to take time every day, away from the stresses, to just sit back and soak in the atmosphere and enjoy it.

CP: I haven't got a chance to ask you yet. What do you think about the group draw?

BC: It's a tough draw, but when your ranked around the 50 mark like we are, you're never gonna quite have a draw where you can say, oh I like this one. Because you have the higher ranked teams, and then you have the one right at your level.

CP: Which is Kose and The Turkomans. Again.

BC: Gotta love the way that worked. Though the chances for each of us to advance would probably have been better if we didn't have to go through the other. The Turks are a great team. Like us, they've grown and matured, and you can see how they are not so reliant on Sinan Kose anymore. It's a good thing.

CP: But first things first, Sqornshelous. We haven't gotten a roster here, do you have one?

BC: I was provided a roster, yes. However, I am under strict notice to not release it to the public, so I can't tell you.

CP: Oh come on.

BC: Sorry, some of these teams that get so protective with their rosters take it quite seriously. There's a notation at the bottom of what they gave me that if another soul were to find out the actual names of their players, that they will put an evil curse on me. I'd rather not take the chance.

CP: Very well. So, we know a draw would be big here and a win would be absolutely huge. If nothing else though, I like how we aren't just automatically putting this match in the loss column.

BC: Yeah, we've grown as a team to where we feel we can beat anyone. That's not meant to disrespect Sqornshelous. We know you guys are good, but I simply feel that the players that I have in my locker room are just as good as anyone else.

CP: What would one or three points mean here, in terms of qualifying for the Cup?

BC: Well, if we got three points here, it would be absolutely huge and could really set the tone for the rest of our qualification efforts. A draw would be helpful too. We learned alot of World Cup 40 qualifying that things don't always go according to plan.

CP: Also in the group is Vephrall. A club that started World Cup 40 qualifying horribly. The consensus is that if Newmanistan gets in, it will be Vephrall that's knocked out. Your thoughts on that?

BC: Parker Law is a bright coach, and he will do everything in his power to make sure they don't start slow again, so I don't think there's much relevance to their World Cup 40 early struggle. Actually, if anything, he will make sure they get out of the gate quickly. Vephrall will be tough, but like Sqornshelous, they don't scare us.

CP: Quickly, your thoughts on United Hetzel and Hockey Canada?

BC: We better be ready for those two. We can't leave points on the table. You have to remember that we have the 90 best, excluding the hosts of course, footballing nations attempting to qualify, so if you are not at top form, anyone can beat anyone. A #51 ranking is nice, but #51 isn't in a position to be sleepwalking through a game.

CP: Alright Brian, thanks for your time.

BC: Thanks Clint!

(OOC: Blah... started before cutoff, hurried to finish by 3:00 GMT only to be cutoff. Ah well didnt type it for nothing. And I'll have an extra one for the Turks in MD2!)

OOC Gee Jolt server was a bit ill today ...

Kara: Hello, this Kara Kool and this is THE FOOTBALL LIFE!
Kate: And I'm Kate Sallad or Kitty Sallad if you prefer.
Kara: Not be confused with Kitty Dallas or Princess Marie-Antoinette Dallas.
Kate: Yes, I'm no Princess. But I'd take any offers!

Kara: We're at Dazza Dallas Stadium and we played Corivia for the first game of this cup. We don't know much about Corivia even after the game.
Kate: All we know is they actually have a football team ... of people or two legged sentients at least.
Kara: I think there were actually people.
Kate: Not that really paid any attenion actually.

Kara: I did notice some tourists throwing nuts at the team. Actually, more at anyone named Sallad or Dallas.
Kate: Must be those pecky Southern Northlanders and Bostopians being idiots.
Kara: But they are hopeless, they ended hitting anyone but a Sallad or Dallas.
Kate: I think it was really windy today which makes nut throwing real hard.

Kara: How come they ended hitting me! Bloody hell.
Kate: Anyway, we beat Corsiva 3-1. We conceded a goal because our goalkeeper slipped on some nuts thrown by some idiots.
Kara: Didn't make scoring any easier either. Good thing Jenny Sloan got two goals.
Kate: And my sister got the last one in her special way.

Kara: Yes, the falling over goal. Still, we have to improve.
Kate: Some tried to throw nuts at Dazza Dallas in the coaches area.
Kara: But the wind picked up the nuts and sent them back.
Kate: I did notice some of the local crowd beating up nut throwers because they got sick of getting hit by nuts picked up by the wind.

Kara: In other games, Lithima beat Taeshan in the shock of Group 10 or 1093 ...
Kate: And Nethertopia totally annoyed Southern Northland holding them to a draw, 1 ALL.
Kara: Good thing we got our 3 points, the others didn't.
Kate: Would have been 5-0 to us if it wasn't for those idiots.

Kara: In Group 6, our own Jeru FC lead by Sadie Dallas defeated Alversia FOUR NIL.
Kate: I bet Jeru FC didn't have the same nut issues we had.
Kara: Apparently, Sadie loves all kinds of nuts - the editable variety that is.
Kate: Don't ask me, I'm a Sallad. Not a Dallas.

Kara: Casari and Krytenia ... damn West Starplace won.
Kate: OK, Bostopia played the SLANI and they won!
Kara: Yeah, 3-1 ... wow.
Kate: That's a biggie that one.

Kara: I've been watching that Tele 7 show in ... err ... where is that place.
Kate: Septentrionia, formerly another Frenchie country.
Kara: Yes, they are looking for well ... their Dazza.
Kate: So who will win, let's pick our girls.

Kara: That Julie Desnoyers, she's so much ... like you.
Kate: I disagree. I think Claudine Bérubé will win.
Kara: But none of them go near the level of Dazza. Not even you.
Kate: No, but I think Marie is the classic Dazza.

Kara: For those who don't know, Marie was a member of the winning Futsal team in The Macabees.
Kate: She was the goal scoring machine from hell.
Kara: Good thing she's a Princess, or else she'd be in the team just to annoy people like me.
Kate: I'm annoying enough.

Kara: That's all from us.
Kate: They'll be a full review of match day one on JGN Cable! That's the channel next to the Dallas one.
Kara: Next game is Jeruselem vs Taeshan, in Taeshan.
Kate: Hopefully there's less nut cases out there!

Kara: Speaking of nut cases, Coss Cohen seems infatuated with your nut case sister Jacinta.
Kate: She isn't Jewish but she's the closest to Jewbee Dallas around the traps here.
Kara: I think he likes getting lots of attention. I guess she gives it to him.
Kate: And more! Tee hee!

Kara: God, that was another joke folks.
Kate: I had to say it Kara.
Kara: Well, it's good nuts everyone ...
Kate: Good one Kara.

Mark Tupper was torn between tearing into the offence for not producing or praising the defence for not leaking. Such was the dilemma of the obstinate refusal of anyone to score during his brief period as the boss of the national football team.

---INTERMISSION FOR HAIKU---

Goalless draw may seem
To imply a boring game
Yet fans know the truth

---

He reached into his pocket. There was plenty of gum left this time, so in a good mood he decided he'd big up on the team's defensive efforts.

World Cup 41: Match Day One

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/rennidan.png Rennidan : Prux http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/prux.png
2:2



Match Report:
Eeorga Choondra Stadium (The Eagles Nest), Rennidan – Needless to say, the first match of the World Cup is always an exciting prospect. There is always a static in the air that really gets the crowd ignited. Well, today in Rennidan, there truly was static in the air as the nation faced its worst storm season in years. As lightning flooded the skies, fans flooded the stadium and rain flooded the pitch, Rennidan was ready for some drama.

Unfortunately, it was a bit more comical than expected.

Rennidan, nicknamed 'The Unknowns' due to their sudden, unexpected entrance into the sporting world, were up against a team comprised of robotic ducks. At first, the team was relaxed and took an easy approach to the opening minutes, passing between themselves to get into the rhythm of international matches again. Alas, they took it too easy, and within the first few minutes, Quickie MacDuck bolted past the team's defence and waddled a quacking, sorry, cracking shot past Rennidan's Jo Malkoa. They followed up with a second goal in the fifteenth minute which was struck off the beak of Mumbo Duck, fourteen yards from the goal, and ended up going in off the post.

Shattered and emotionally drained at the hands of a potential defeat from a group of ducks which were more related to toasters than the actual animal, Rennidan's team left for the changing rooms at half time with their heads hung low. Could the experimental AI programmed into the ducks really be better than home grown, raw talent?

The second half opened up with an almighty goal from Rennidan's very own Michael Ronnan, who launched a rocket of a shot from the halfway line, straight into the back of Prux's net in the 46th minute.

With the score now at 2-1, and Rennidan really pushing for another chance, something miraculous happened. Robert “Clover” Golos clipped the ball badly when he was going for a clearance, meaning it was launched high and far towards Prux's goal when, suddenly, from the heavens themselves, lightning streaked down at the pitch, clipping Dizzy Duck on the beak and short circuiting the little metal waddler of a goalkeeper. With an open goal, Golos' bad clearance turned into a once-in-a-lifetime accomplishment, scoring from sixty eight yards away in the 92nd minute.

The crowd went wild as the whistle went, and the first match of Rennidan's World Cup run is now to be considered perhaps the weirdest draw of all time.



Scoring:
Prux – Quickie MacDuck - 03
Prux – Mumbo Duck (Jumbo Duck) - 15
Rennidan – Michael Ronnan (Sammi MacOlv) 46
Rennidan – Robert Golos - 92

Booking:
Clean Match.

_________


Rennidan Goal Scorers:
1 - Michael Ronnan
1 - Robert Golos

Rennidan Assists Leaders:
1 - Sammi MacOlv

http://img187.imageshack.us/img187/8029/dailyturkpy7.png
Kose Welcomes to the World Stage.
In a game that was marred with poor weather conditions, the Turks recovered from a humiliating 1-0 at half time to pull it back to 3-1.

The first 20 minutes looked good for the Turks as they got an early Turkmen shot at the crossbar and Sabri threatened the goal twice in quick succession. Then the weather turned against the Turks and in the 34th minute the Hockey Canada striker took it past Cakir for an easy finish.

At half time the weather eased and the Turks pushed on and payed off in the 49th minute a Sinan Kose cross found the head of Uzulmez who put it past the keeper who stood no chance, then Hockey Canada tried to strike from long range but Cakir was wise to it.

In the 66th Minute the Turks had been pressing and got the goal which got them the lead; Turkmen crossed in to Kose who headed it across goal and looked to have put it wide but Sabri came and blasted it into the top corner giving the Turks the lead.

Things looked to have been derailed again as the ball was put past Cakir but the striker was offside, and replays showed the linesmen to be right, which is a first in Turkic football, Cakir took the quick free kick and Sinan Kose applied the finish from a 20 yard volley to put the game to rest as Desantepe celebrated, Hockey Canada gave a good go at the game and look like a team with potential.

Elsewhere in the Group
Squornshelous 2-1 Newmanistan
Newmanistan gave it their all and have failed but without shame in their first match however will damaged morale give the Turks an advantage in the next game?
Vephrall 4-1 United Hetzel
Vephrall completed a comprehensive victory over United Hetzel.

Weird Fact: Every Team has scored in the group with 12 goals from 3 games altogether.

Match Preview Vs. Newmanistan.
Previous Result: 2-1 Loss.
Form: L
Position: 4th
World Ranking: 51st
Form vs. Turks: WW
Review: This is a technically brilliant side with some of the brightest stars in football however with their defeat they looked shaky and the Turks will have to press them to get a much needed win, the inexperienced Alex Parnett could be the weakest link in midfield and could be exploited by Nuri Turan if he is pressured early on.
Verdict: 1-1.

The Enlightener: I need cookie...
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y231/bettia/FAB.png

Dennisov Get A Baptyism of Fire

Bettia.........................3 (Bapty 43, 57, 78)
Dennisov.....................1 (Brindle 83)

Bettia set off down the round to the World Cup finals in positive style after teen hotshot Stuart Bapty netted a stunning hat-trick.

Roared on by a capacity crowd at Tiddles Park, the Aroras quickly got into their rhythm, putting together the sort of intricate play which made the team managers such feared strikers in their day. But for all their sweet attacking football, they were repeated thwarted by a resolute Dennisov defence. After almost a century in the footballing wilderness, the visitors were determined not to suffer a thrashing at the hands of the green-and-golds in their first match, and for most of the first half they were successful. As the game headed towards half-time however, their defences were finally breached after Kirpi, who had been a constant thorn in their side, forced his way to the goal-line before finding Bapty lurking in space on the edge of the penalty area. After taking a short step back, he struck a volley which crashed into the goal past the helpless keeper.

With the deadlock broken, Bettian tails were up and they continued to play with confidence after the break, and their advantage was doubled on 57 minutes when debutant Asaf Tamari was crudely bundled over wide on the left. Taking the free-kick quickly, he found Bapty rushing into space behind a static back line, cheekily sidestepping Glenn Robinson and walking the ball past the stricken Dennisov keeper. The young Butetown striker bagged his hat-trick as the game moved into the final quarter courtesy of a wickedly-deflected shot that sailed into the bottom right corner as Robinson dived forlornly to the left.

As the game wound down, Dennisov grabbed a consolation after Cedrick Brindle sprang the offside trap and slotted the ball home past Hassan bin Jaffar, giving their hardy bunch of travelling supporters something to cheer about.

After the game, co-manager Budi Busilanta was fuming: "After playing some great attacking football, our boys just had to go and spoil it by trying to defend. I mean - the offside trap? What kind of Karelan devilry is that?"

And if the offside trap wasn't satanic enough, Bettia must now travel to Vonks, a nation who after making the bizarre decision to play in that most evil of colours, then suggested destroying their own forests in order to wipe out the indiginous red squirrels. Whilst street parties broke out in Northern Bettia upon hearing this news, the powerful green lobby here in the more civilised master nation quickly organised polite street protests outside the Vonksian consulate in Gabalfa.

http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y231/bettia/gumph/protest.jpg

Fixtures / Results

MD..OPPONENT...................VENUE......RESULT (SCORERS)

Qualifying Group 2

01: Dennisov...................HOME.......W 3-1 (Bapty 3)
02: Vonks......................Away.......
03: Fujisawan Territories......HOME.......
04: Jariss.....................Away.......
05: Kura-Pelland...............HOME.......
06: Dennisov...................Away.......
07: Vonks......................HOME.......
08: Fujisawan Territories......Away.......
09: Jariss.....................HOME.......
10: Kura-Pelland...............Away.......

Bettia 3-1 Dennisov

The return of Dennisov to the game of football was marked by a loss. Just a single player was enough to show Dennisov how far they're off the pace as Bettia's young Stuart Bepty scored a hat-trick. Although understandable, the defensive approach allowed for a one-sided affair, with a rampant Bepty giving the Dennisov players a run for their money.

The highlight of the game, a cheeky sidestep by the young star, showed how much the players of Dennisov have to learn. The players from Bettia were applauded as they left the field and even the supporters of Dennisov had to agree that they were outclassed all over the field, in every category.

When asked about facing Bapty, Glenn Robinson answered: 'I don't know, one minute he was there, the next he had passed me.' He shrugged his shoulders and joined his teammates in the dressing room, licking their wounds. It could have been so, so much worse.

The back four however were not to blame for the loss. They held the offensive minded Bettia players off scoring goals. Unfortunately they were unable to keep a clean sheet to the break as Bapty scored the first of his hattrack on 43 minutes.

Cedric Brindle managed to grab one back as Bettia saved themselves for more challanging opponents, leaving just enough space for Brindle to sneak behind their defense and score his and Dennisov's first goal of the campaign.

This is going to be a long and painful qualification, but at least Dennisov scored. The question rises whether they will be at all able to keep their opponents from scoring?

We'll see.

“Welcome to Sporting Crossfire. I’m your host Karl Blackman and with me today are sports reporter Jeff James and Brother Jonas of the New Oythydoxic Christian Church of Reformed Othydoxy, did I get that right Brother Jonas?”

“Actually its Reborn Othydoxy but you were closer than most. Its all part of the tests the lord of Scores puts before us.”

“Oh please, you people worship a magic soccer ball. How can either of you people take that seriously?”

“Easy there Jeff, before we start name calling let’s look at today’s historic 1-0 win over former and now rising power Starblaydia. That is after all why you are both here today. Jeff you may begin.”

“Well its clear to see that Starblaydia isn’t back to the peak of their game after their absence while our Hippos just kept plugging along and are now reaping the benefits of our years of hard work. Of course we still can’t beat Az-cz but that’s another story.”

“Brother Jonas your reply?”

“What the misguided unbeliever here does not seem to understand is that it is the Lord of Scores who provided us with all that we needed to succeed this day. As Brother Lee knows, only through proper respect can we poor humans be granted the blessings of the Lord of Scores and this day He deemed us worthy of victory. Perhaps the Starblaydians had disrespected him unknowingly for Him to turn away from them so completely.”

“That’s rubbish ‘Brother’ Jonas. They didn’t score because Tynelian traditions were restored this time around. People said the team was too wild in its game last cup which is why we crashed and burned again in the knockouts, so a more conservative approach was put into play this time. And it worked. We kept up enough of an attack to keep them honest and our defense got back to doing what we do best and that’s keep the other team from scoring. With our toughest opponents taken care of right off the bat this should send a message to the rest of the group that we’re not to be taken lightly.”

“Yes it is sad that the faith in our Lord was such that more defense to prevent His blessings from being shared was insisted upon this time. How else can His word be spread if we do not allow the other teams to even see a glimpse of His Majesty.”

“So you’re saying you WANT the other teams to score Brother Jonas?”

“Not at all Karl but if they do it is because the Lord of Scores wishes them to see His glory in the knowledge that more blessing shall be bestowed upon us as a reward for our efforts in spreading the faith to the ignorant. In that way we still triumph and yet His gaze is not turned away from those who do not know the truth just yet.”

“Damn Karl, I thought these people were nuts before but this guy proves it. Listen I’ll try to explain it to you again. We won because we outperformed Starblaydia on the field, not because some magical being decided to become a Hippos fan at some point. Its our first ever win against them. A sign of our improvement since we last faced them.”

“Oh yes Mr.James, our triumph was indeed a sign. A sign that the Lord of Scores is the true path we Tynelians should take. Look back at your histories. Many times we faced the Starblaydians on the field and could only salvage a lone draw in all these matches. Then the Lord of Scores revealed himself to us and behold! We triumph in our first meeting with them since that time. Truly this can only be His divine will granting us that which we could not achieve without Him.”

“You know Jeff, Brother Jonas is right about our past record against Starblaydia…”

“Don’t tell me you’re buying into this garbage Karl? I thought you were smarter than that. Listen, we won because we’re better. We played harder and took advantage of the bad bounce to get the lone goal. That’s it, no higher powers, nothing just discipline and taking advantage of opportunities. You got it?”

“Ah and who’s hand was behind this ‘bad’ bounce that led to our triumphant goal hmm?”

“Grrrrr….”

“Sorry Jeff but that’s all the time we have. Another lively commentary here on Sporting Crossfire. For Jeff James and Brother Jonas I’m Kyle Blackman wishing everyone a good night.”

Dancougar 2 @ Az-Cz 1
Full Time
Red Dwarf Mines, Mil-Bax, Az-Cz

90+2' | Berber clears the corner and Leyton hoofs it into the Az-cz half of the field, and that will do it!! The Dancougar Black Wings shock the Gnomes in Mil-Bax 2-1, and Ikeda is the hero! It's three points in the right direction for the Wings, who are off to a dream start in qualifying group three. Stay connected for coverage of Free Krytenia Rebels and Ofedestan at 19:45.

90+1' | This may be the last chance for Az-cz! Su-Wee makes a long run down the right side and Weatherford is forced to put it across the goal line. It's a corner...

90' | Two minutes of stoppage time! The Wings are content to hit it around the back and coast to a victory, drawing jeers and whistles from the stands.

88' | Bn-Ct's corner is cleared out by Barclay, and Fe-Do fouls Dylandy in his overzealous effort to retrieve the ball and continue the attack.

87' | Corner kick for the Gnomes, and Bn-Ct sends it into the box. It hits off a few heads and goes straight up. Vitakiralski sends a powerful header on goal when it comes down, but Watanabe is equal to the task. Out for another corner!

84' | This is shaping up to be an intense final ten minutes of football, but Az-cz has yet to find an opening in the Black Wing defense.

82' | No surprise here, DuPont brings on a fifth defender, swapping Ikeda for Sanjuro Hayami. Plenty of bodies at the back for the Wings, and hopefully they've put the Oxen Cup behind them.

81' | Az-cz uses its final sub to bring on Su-Wee for Shockey, and the captain's armband transfers to Hu-35. With five forwards on the field, now, the Gnomes are pressing hard for the equilizer.

78' http://i254.photobucket.com/albums/hh106/newtypezaku/soccerball.png | TRAGEDY FOR THE GNOMES, ECSTACY FOR DANCOUGAR!! They've taken the lead off of who else, Hideo Ikeda!! The gnomes send eight forward on a corner kick, and Barclay's header sparks an instant counterattack. Dylandy chips it forward for an onside Ikeda, who finishes beautifully with the right foot. It's the break that the Wings have been waiting for, and now they lead 2-1!!

76' | Hu-35's cross is intercepted by Princeton and cleared away. The Dancougar defense has been suffocating for the past fifteen minutes or so, and the crowd is growing restless. You can clearly see the frustration on some of those players' faces.

73' | Great chance for Dancougar! Morimoto's free kick curls away from goal and to the foot of the rampaging Casey Berber, who launches one on goal that misses by inches! He claims it took a deflection on the way out, but the referee signals goal kick.

72' http://i254.photobucket.com/albums/hh106/newtypezaku/yellowcard.png | A rather silly foul on Morimoto gives Bn-Ct a spot in the referee's book. He tackles Morimoto hard from behind as he ran to meet a through ball from Leyton. This gives the Wings a free kick from thirty yards out, but the angle is poor.

70' | The ineffective McLaren Kenyon is gone, as he's replaced by the charismatic Cro-Mg.

68' | Kenyon wins a throw-in deep in the Dancougar third, but the toss into the box is headed away by Weatherford. Dylandy scoops it up and tries to find Whittaker for a break, but the deep pass is too long for him.

67' | Another change for the Wings, as Yukikaze comes out. Here's Chris Princeton's debut, and switching a defender for a defender, Charles DuPont is not taking any risks with the result still in doubt.

65' | The home crowd are anxious for goals, and so the Gnomes will swap a midfielder for an attacker. Ji-Hyun makes way for Fe-Do.

64' | Dylandy makes his presence felt with a foul on Ca-Fu in the midfield. With fresh legs, he's challenging for any ball that comes his way.

61' | The gnomes win a free kick forty yards from goal, and Hu-35 sends it into the box. But he misfires, and Barclay clears it easily, with no green shirts within ten yards of the ball.

58' | Boskov's day is done. On comes Lyle Dylandy, who also came in late in the Newmanistan game. Let's see if he adds any more kick to the game.

56' | And Az-cz counter! Bn-Ct wins a corner for the Gnomes, and the kick curls into the box for the head of Vitakiralski! An elf of considerable height, Vitakiralski has no problem getting a head to the ball, but he's unable to direct it away from Watanabe.

54' | Chance for the Black Wings! Leyton's strike is parried by Haz-Tp, and Jinguuji fires the rebound right into the side netting!

53' | Dylandy has gotten up from the Dancougar bench. Are we about to get our first look at the youngster?

51' | Margaret is with Dancougar today, as Shockey gets an open shot on goal only to have it hit off the woodwork! Watanabe was thoroughly beaten, and Weatherford was late getting into the play. It comes back into play but El-Iot has his back to the ball, and it's cleared by Barclay. Huge break for the Wings!

48' | Dear me, Hu-35's made a mess of that one! Kenyon did well to hold off the challenge from Barclay and pass it back to the open midfielder, but the shot came off the top of his foot and went miles over the bar.

46' | And we're underway again in Mil-Bax, with no changes to report.

45+1' | The whistle blows for halftime, and the score remains knotted at 1-1. Both teams have started to open up a bit, and we can hope to expect more offense in the second half.

42' | Great chances for the Gnomes! Bn-Ct spots Vitakiralski with a step on Yukikaze, but the striker's shot flies straight into the waiting arms of Watanabe.

40' | Leyton fouls Hu-35 in midfield, but escapes a yellow. It's taken quickly, but Barclay once again gets the better of Kenyon and clears.

36' http://i254.photobucket.com/albums/hh106/newtypezaku/soccerball.png | MORIMOTOOOOOOOOO!! Dancougar equilizes as Morimoto converts the free kick into a goal, driving it hard underneath the leaping wall and past the diving Haz-Tp. Morimoto uses the height advantage to full effect, and now we're back to where we started, all level!

35' http://i254.photobucket.com/albums/hh106/newtypezaku/yellowcard.png | Hi-Kui goes into the book for a hard foul on Jericho Leyton, with no attempt to play the ball. Leyton and Ikeda were working a give and go near the arc, and Kui found himself unable to make contact with anything besides Leyton's left shin. A free kick for the Wings, in a dangerous position...

32' | Finally, it appears like both teams have settled into the game.

31' | So close for Ikeda!! Leyton's shot is blocked at the top of the box, but an alert Shishio Jinguuji plays it through towards the back post. Ikeda's run is moments too late, or he would've had a tap-in.

29' | Sight of goal for the Black Wings! After some frantic defending, Whittaker converts the clearance into an instant counterattack. He steps around a defender and fires on goal from twenty eight yards. An easy save, but the Wings are starting to show a little more spirit on offense.

26' | Should've been two!! Shockey takes a crack from thirty yards out, and the shot takes a hard dip towards goal. It takes everything Watanabe has to push it over the bar! The Wings are reeling, now, as the crowd get into the game and urge the Gnomes to put it away.

24' http://i254.photobucket.com/albums/hh106/newtypezaku/soccerball.png | GOOOOOAL, AZ-CZ! Captain Shockey is dispossessed at the top of the box, but Weatherford never has control. Instead, it bounces to Hu-35, who plays a quick ball through to El-Iot, and he slots it home before the Dancougar defense even knows the ball wasn't cleared! Mesmerizing stuff from the Gnomes, they reacted perfect and are rewarded with a goal. 1-0 to Az-Cz!

22' | The Wings finally counter! Boskov pushes forward for Whittaker, who manages to send a high cross into the box that finds Hideo Ikeda's head. It's off-balance and goes over the bar, but still, better from the Wings.

19' | Kenyon chases a long ball deep into the Dancougar end and controls it in the corner. He tries to break for goal, but runs into Barclay. The referee says play on, but Kenyon isn't pleased with the call.

15' | Fifteen minutes in and we're still waiting for Dancougar's first attempt on goal. Az-cz have controlled the flow of the game and have done everything but score.

12' | Almost a goal for the Gnomes! Hu-35 works the ball into space and finds El-Iot making a run into the box. El-Iot tries a backheel but doesn't hit the ball well enough, and it squirts into the relieved arms of Yuji Watanabe, who ididn't see the danger.

11' http://i254.photobucket.com/albums/hh106/newtypezaku/yellowcard.png | The first booking of the match goes to Boris Boskov for a clumsy challenge on experienced midfielder Hu-35. Still unable to walk away from the international spotlight, Hu shows his brilliance by making a run straight down the middle of the field. Only Boskov's tackle keeps the attack from proceeding.

7' | Sight of goal for the Gnomes! Defender Ca-Fu makes a hard run down the right side and fires a cross to the top of the box. Weatherford's clearance is weak, and Bn-Ct fires a one-timer into Watanabe's waiting arms.

4' | Morimoto attempts a long cross into the box but it misses everyone and sails out for a goal kick. Jinguuji stands head and shoulders above the Gnome back four, so you can be sure that ball was directed at him.

3' | The Wings look nervous and are content to knock the ball around in midfield. They had trouble maintaining possession against the Rockets, and DuPont no doubt wants his team to get this down before they try anything fancy. Not terribly exciting stuff, though.

1' | Off we go, as both teams kick off their World Cup 41 campaigns! Dancougar, playing in all black, will be attacking left in the first half, towards a strong contingent of towel-waving Black Wing fans. The Gnomes are in pink and green, and immediately fire a long ball down the right side of the field which Yukikaze is forced to play into touch. The Gnomes want to immediately put pressure on that back four.

16:45 | TEAM NEWS: Az-cz: Dear, oh dear, what can we do about this? No roster has been officially released by the Az-cz Football Federation, and just taking a look at the pitch, we just see an awful lot of short men with fuzzy beards running about kicking footballs. We can only assume that the team that went out for World Cup 40 have returned, with Kor-Lash leading a lively attacking side that like to pour it on.

16:40 | TEAM NEWS: Dancougar: DuPont will be fielding the same lineup that received a wakeup call last week when the Newmanistan Rockets beat them 3-2 in the National Stadium. The team has now lost three straight games dating back to the Oxen Cup, and the Rockets are responsible for two of them. The Wings face tough opening opposition as they did last time around, and in that game, the Wings took down Cafundeu 5-3 at home. But it will be difficult to repeat the miracle on the road.

16:30 | Hello, and welcome to to our LIVE coverage of World Cup 41 Qualifiers here on DSPN.dan. The Wings look to get off to a hot start on the road against group favorites Az-cz, and for all intents and purposes, a point would against the Gnomes would be a dream come true for Charles DuPont's side. Dancougar fans will have their eyes on Hideo Ikeda, who was a no-show in the friendly loss to Newmanistan. Will he play better now that it counts?

Match Of The Vonkian Day

Hello, and welcome to our new regular World Cup Qualifying football highlights show. For the first time ever, a Vonkian commentary team travelled to Kura-Pelland today to commentate on the game for live TV (in the Baptism of Fire tournament, of course, we just intercepted TV transmissions of neighbouring countries and dubbed ill-informed, mumbled commentary over them here in the studio), and I'm sure a lot of you watched the game live this afternoon. For those of you who didn't, here are the best bits. Commentary came from Gordon Bourdon, national football expert, joined in the commentary box by Rajesh Khudanpur, missing the game through injury, and Anastasia Boguinskaya, poet laureate.

GB: The teams lining up for the national anthems now. For Vonks it's Tesinsky, Ingebritsen, Roland, Herrman, Rice, Borr, Singh, Astanopoulos, Okpik, Bersvendsen, Gao. Henry "The Octopus" Anderson relegated to the substitutes' bench, and he doesn't look happy about that. Jeering and catcalling rather nastily throughout the playing of "The Vonkian National Anthem.
RK: That's right, he's furious with the manager, they nearly came to blows when Vasko told Henry he was dropped. Fact is, though, he's hopeless as a striker and Olav has shown signs of good form in the qualifiers, so it's only fair to give him a chance.
GB: Fatty, you weren't able to...
RK: Don't call me Fatty! I'm very sensitive about my weight, and in fact I'm on a diet at the moment.
GB: But you requested as part of your fee for this commentating job that you get a large steak and kidney pudding with seasonal vegetables, a side order of chips and a jam sponge with custard for dessert, to eat during the game.
RK: It's the kind of diet where you eat stuff like that. Now shut it.
GB: Okay. Well, you're not playing today because of injuries sustained by falling from a tree in a pre-qualifying friendly. Feeling better?
RK: Yes, I'll be back playing again in no time. Just need to build my strength up a bit. Where's the ketchup?
GB: Oh, hey, the game's started. Been playing two or three minutes, I think. Nothing much happened yet. And the whole Vonkian team surge forward, yelling some kind of battle-cry. Seems to have alarmed the Kura-Pelland defence. Okpik with the ball, pass to Gao, he's not yelling, naturally, oh, beautiful shot, looping in, narrowly parried away by the Kura-Pelland keeper. That battle-cry was something, Fatty.
RK: Yes, we've been working on that in training. And on playing football. We've been doing more training than ever before, and we're very confident.
GB: Hmm, the referee's having a word with Werner Borr about the yelling. Seems to be saying it's unsportsmanlike. Asking them not to do it again. Shame.
RK: Pål Ingebritsen having to be physically restrained from attacking the ref. We've been working on that in training too. Big Eddie Herrman's got him in a devious armlock...
GB: Oh! Kura-Pelland on the attack! Nearly a goal there, just missed the post!
RK: That striker's pretty nippy. What's his name?
GB: No idea. Didn't bother to get a list of the K-P players.

...

AB: After playing for minutes twenty, excitement has been not aplenty. Both teams play a defensive game, for spectators it's a shame.
GB: Thanks, Anastasia, I'm sure we'll come back to you later on for more poetic words of wisdom. Oh, hey, look, Gao's played on by Singh, dodges the defender, lovely flick, GOAL! Vonks are winning, away, at a team who've qualified for the world cup before!
RK: Nice goal. He might not talk to us, but everyone likes Xiaoshan.

...

GB: Coming up to half-time, still 1-0, Vasko the manager is more animated than I've ever seen him before, he's on the touchline, jumping up and down, drinking a can of cheap lager, smoking what seems to be two cigarettes at once, shouting obscenities. At nobody in particular, he just seems to be generally swearing.
RK: He's really got into the game just lately. He never used to seem to care much about the actual football, but now he's supervising training sessions, suggesting strategy, beating up the players a bit less, he's a changed man. He seems to be happy, by his standards. We think he's probably having a successful love affair.
GB: Oh, I say. Bersvendsen beats the offside trap! Unmarked in the area, Gao finds him with a pinpoint pass, a wonderful headed goal! Two-nil! To Vonks! It's the stuff that dreams are made of!
AB: Um, Hooray for Vonks, we've scored two goals, no, start again, Hooray for Vonks, we've scored goals two, now the home team have much to do.
GB: Doesn't quite flow like your better works.
AB: I'm not used to the pressures of live poetry, leave me alone.
GB: Look, we're paying you to commentate, that's the second thing you've said in 45 minutes!
RK: Half-time. 2-0 to Vonks.

...

GB: Second half kicks off. It's been a wonderful performance from the Squirrels so far. No substitutions at half-time, from Vonks at least. It looks like they've changed someone for Kura-Pelland, I don't remember seeing that guy before the interval.
RK: Squirrels on the attack! Pål Ingebritsen charging headlong at the referee, laughing his head off, Big Eddie rugby-tackles him... looks like Vasko's decided to make a substitution now.
GB: Yes, Ingebritsen's coming off. Definitely seeing signs of professionalism from Vaskoveyvanitsch here, he's less willing to tolerate a player who does nothing but attack the officials, bringing Pål off after only fifty minutes of play. Being replaced by ever-reliable Adam Bradshaw.
RK: Been a quiet game, no cards so far. That's probably what made Pål threaten the ref there, he likes to give the crowd something to shout about.
GB: Oh, and there's been a slight confusion in the Vonkian defence, Bradshaw's taken up his position on the wrong side of the pitch, he's squabbling with Rice out on the right, Kura-Pelland's winger has a free run down the left... goal! 2-1 and Vonks aren't safe yet.

...

RK: Oh! Heck! Gao pulls up, limping! We're done for if he's injured himself!
GB: He's fallen down. Hey, has he got something sticking out of his leg?
RK: Yes, look, see the replays? He's been shot by some kind of tranquiliser dart! Some kind of dastardly trick by the Kura-Pelland supporters, I'll bet! This calls for immediate nuclear war!
GB: Wait, replays from another angle. The dart seems to have been aimed at Olav Bersvendsen. He knelt down to tie his shoelace at exactly the right moment.
RK: Why would anyone try to shoot Olav with a tranquiliser dart? He's a mediocre striker and he's the most boring man on the planet. He hasn't got any enemies. Even Captain Fearless, the enemy of most of the Vonkian team, doesn't have an opinion about Olav!

...

GB: Still 2-1 to Vonks, time is ticking away. Can they really start the world cup qualifying campaign with an away win at one of the favourites to qualify?
RK: Henry Anderson, who replaced Xiaoshan Gao, tries his luck with a long-range shot. Should have passed to Okpik, who was in a much better position. Without Gao we really struggle to put a move together.
GB: Word from the bench is that Xiaoshan Gao is now fully recovered, the dart was loaded with a mild sleeping potion brewed only by the firm of Anderson and Anderson in North Villianstown, south-central Vonks. Police have reportedly found the gun, fired from the stands by a mysterious cloaked figure with three arms and are analysing it for any clues as to the shooter's identity.
RK: Let's hope they find him. We can't have people shooting our players like that. I still think we should nuke Kura-Pelland, just to teach them a lesson.
GB: Still, it's worked out well for Henry "The Octopus" Anderson. He was worried about losing his place on the team, but here he is again, trying to score that elusive first international goal he's been looking for for so long.

...

GB: Five minutes to play and Vonks desperately defending, trying to hold on to that lead. Oh, a chance on the break here, it's Bradshaw nicely setting up Okpik, passes to Bersvendsen, shoots, SCORES!
AB: Oh no! I've spent the last hour composing a poem about how we started well but ended up losing!
GB: I have to say, Anastasia, I don't think we'll be inviting you back to the commentary team again.
AB: You're just saying that because you want a divorce.
GB: I'm sorry, but I'm in love with another woman. Two other women, in fact. There's just no future for our relationship.
RK: It's 3-1 to Vonks, and the lads are celebrating already. Probably unwise, the final whistle hasn't gone. Tell you what, I'm off down to the pitch to join the party. See you later.
GB: I'm surrounded by idiots. Oh, there's the whistle now! Vonks have done it! Kura-Pelland 1, Vonks 3! And the crowd goes wild!

So there you have it. Vonks win their first World Cup qualifying match, and top the table - or at least we choose to put them on top of the table, since it's actually a three-way tie with Bettia and Jariss, who also won 3-1 today. And if we extrapolate from that result, we can see that Vonks will win their remaining nine games 3-1, then go on to win every game at the World Cup, also 3-1, all the way up to the final. Wonderful. Book your tickets, folks, it's going to be great!

Tune in next time for the game against Bettia - they're protesting in the streets about us, but then someone's always protesting about Vonks. We only try to be nice, but we're sadly misunderstood.

Somewhere in the HURD:

HURDist Ĵanukino Malfermitakodo was in his room and waited for the computer to load the page he requested. He cursed about the slowness of his connection. Most of his 500 MBit/s was occupied by various torrents, leaving only a tiny amount for him to load the pages, he wanted to see. He briefly pondered closing the bittorrent application, but then decided against it. The page of the Sorthern L'internationale would load slowly anyways, he thought since he considered the nation to be using rather medieval internet connections and since by HURDist standards his connection was pretty medieval as well. When he saw the article about the match between the national team of Sorthern Northland and the national team of KaMaRi, he re-read it and then shouted in pure joy.

He called Mirage, the person, who called his project impossible and who happened to lead the institute of physics in the central HURDist university. He told her to open the envelope, he sent a week earlier. The text inside this said: The HURD will be mentioned as opponent of Sorthern Northland if the method to connect parallel universes is possible and feasible.

THE ROCKET REPORT

EFFORT THERE, RESULT NOT IN OPENER

Sqornshelous- We are off and running in the qualification process for the 41st edition of the coveted World Cup. A full slate of games, took place, with some very interesting results, including a clean sheet by a fruit. Hey, Taeshan, don't say we didn't warn you about Lithima! Unfortunately, such upset did not occur in Group 13 on opening day, as the Rockets fell on the road to the 4th ranked team, Sqornshelous, by the score of 2-1. Save all the moral victory talk, and all the oh we should have been glad to play them close talk. That would have worked four years ago, but not now. Not the we say this is a bad loss. Sure, they were up against a much higher ranked opponent and they played them tough. But when Newmanistan ends up with zero points these days, there will be no silver lining.

Both teams wanted to get off to the proper start, and the home crowd was loud and enthusiastic. Presumably, they knew who the players were that were out there representing them, even though their roster was never released to the general public. We did try to get names of players off of their fans, but when we got about ten different names for their goalkeeper, we decided it wasn't worth it. They didn't feel obligated to help us out in the Newmanistan media, I guess. The teams seemed eager to assert their sytle straight from the opening kickoff, and solid opportunities went both ways early. The hosts had the best chance in the game's first minutes, but a 9th minute shot by a striker was saved on a fantastic diving save by Corey Hennis, then cleared by Jeremy Brooker. Newmanistan was solid in the back end early on, but so to was Sqornshelous. The best early chance for the Rockets came in the 21st minute, when Kevin Lewis nciely set up Jeremy McAllister, only for J-Mac to be denied by whatever his name is. One of the names we got for him, was their starter back in World Cup 32 (OOC: I'm assuming their history goes back this far), though we really didn't think he would still be in goal thirty-six years later. Around the midway point of the first half now, we saw the pace of the game slow. Fatigue, maybe, but more likely both teams realized that this game was going to be one of those grind it out battles where midfield play would be at a premium. This seemed to benefit the home team a little bit more as they focused on defense, and the Rockets were unable to get much of anything going, and may have taken some unnecessary chances in trying to force the issue. This occurred in the 37th minute when Mark McCafferty tried too boom a kick way up field to Jeremy McAllister, only to have his kick fall several yards short, right to a midfielder of the hosts. He then put a nice move on Kevin Carrigan, setting up a striker who appeared to be the best player on the team for a great run up the center of the pitch. He took his shot and place it perfectly in the top right corner. Hennis read the shot well, he just seemed a tenth of a second too late as the ball got by his fingertips, for a one-nil Sqornshelous lead. The home crowd was energized, and we would head to intermission with this as the score.

At the break, Brian Carson was a little concerned with the way his team finished off the half. It wasn't terrible, but it was pretty evident that as the minutes ticked away that Sqornshelous was the better team. He didn't want the team to change things up too much, as after all they were only down by a goal. The players seemed to understand the message and knew that getting out of the gate quickly in the second half would be important. If they could tie the game up, they could steal the momentum.

As the second half began, it appeared as though the same kind of message was delivered in the Sqornshelous locker room. They too came out flying, as they did not feel safe with just a one goal lead and wanted to put the Rockets away with a quick strike. The result of all this was thrilling, end to end action that kept the fans standing. Both goalkeepers got tested, and the defenders were kept plenty busy. In the 52nd minute, that second goal would come, and it would be scored by the Rockets. Brett Prescott muscled the ball away from a opposing midfielder and fed a great cross to Alex Parnett, who got the ball to Jeremy McAllister. McAllister then split the defenders, and slid the ball over to his right, directly onto the waiting foot of Shawn Drummond. Drummond received the pass perfectly and fired it home for the equalizer. We were all even, with still plenty of football left to be played. As much as Newmanistan hoped to get momentum from the goal, it really didn't happen. Their opponents showed why they are the 4th ranked team in the world, and kept their composure, and were completely unaffected by the tying goal. They continued to play their system, and began to slow the pace of the game down. Their confidence showed as they knew a draw would not be the end of the world, so they didn't need to force anything, and seemed to understand that Newmanistan, too, would take splitting a point. They were patient, and dominating possession, but when they saw an ideal opportunity present itself, the pounced on the 72nd minute opportunity. Almost simultaneously, a midfielder challenged and won the ball from Alex Parnett while Eddie Chapman slipped on the turf. This enabled three forwards to break down the right wing with only Mark McCafferty really in a position to stop it. Tony Borsinger hustled over to do what he could, but even then, the hosts still had numbers. They set the play up, and scored. The name of the goal scorer, we don't know, but we do know it wasn't the same guy that scored the first goal. Somewhat of a fortunate play, perhaps, but the good teams create their good fortune, and the result of the play saw the scoreboard now read 2-1. The remaining time saw the Rockets do whatever they could, and trying to do too much led to yellow cards to Kevin Carrigan in the 81st minute and to Eddie Chapman in the 85th minute, both for reckless challenges. Just a case of trying to do too much. Kevin Lewis had the best late game chance in the 88th minute, but the Sqornshelous keeper, came up with a big stop. The remaining time came and went before the final whistle. The final score, Sqornshelous 2, Newmanistan 1.

Next up for the Rockets is a big game against Kose and The Turkomans at Pocono City Stadium, a game that sold out in 56 minutes. It will be a big game, and we are more then excited to have the Turks on our home turf. It's a budding rivalry, with roots as we know, going back to the 27th Baptism of Fire final. But it is a rivalry of competitiveness, and not of dirty or cheap play. Let us show the Turks how great of a nation Newmanistan is, by welcoming their fans and treating them with the utmost respect.


Finally, some post game reaction from Sqornshelous:

Carson: "This is the kind of game, that if its at the club level, you just tip your cap to the opponent and move on. It was a hard fought match, and we both played well enough to win. We didn't, they did. We will need to do a little fine tuning before we take on the Turks, but its nothing major."

Hennis: "It was great to have my first start at this level, and my teammates did a great job in front of me. They're a good club and they showed why. It's tough though, not to come out of here with any points."

Brooker: "We wanted a point, at least, here, and we didn't get it. So it doesn't matter that we played well, which I think we did, it just matters that we got no points."

McAllister: "We created opportunities, and so did they. They were a lot like we thought they were going to be. Good but beatable. We had them today and we let them off the hook!"

Lewis: "There's a lot of mixed emotions in our locker room after this match. But I think the biggest thing is just that we thought we could have gotten something here, and we didn't. Because getting something here would have been crucial for advancement, there's a sting to it. We can put this behind us now, though, and prepare for the Turks. We really want three points. We can't leave more on the table."

http://img134.imageshack.us/img134/7993/dailyturkjo0.png
Flood of Red in Newmanistan
In what has been called the biggest movement of Turks for a single football match, 70,000 Turks have gone with their team to Newmanistan to renew the nations rivalry which can be traced back to the Baptism of Fire final which ended in Newmanistans favor. The Turks fans have been well behaved with no arrests made and a friendly atmosphere with many bars and pubs being loaded with fans from both teams.

The Turks go to the game with an early three points on the board and will be looking to add another 3 to the pile with perhaps, some heroics in Newmanistan. Sinan Kose comments on the game were "We will treat this game like a final, we have a healthy respect for our rivals and we would love to get one over them." with Serkan Turkmen on form and Sinan Kose as deadly as ever this will be an amazing match that none will likely forget.

I'm a hero.
First match.
First touch.
Second half.
First goal for Rennidan.
Yeah, but it doesn't mean anyone likes me.
Everybody likes a hero.
Nobody likes a show-off.
Dad?
Did you see it?
Yes...
Exactly.
Everyone saw it.
Everyone saw me.
Dad?
And everyone loves me.
Once a pompous arse...Oh God... Dad?
Always a pompous arse.

______________________

Oldtown, Rennidan -

Shoulders slumped by his side and heart heavy in his chest, Michael Ronnan pulled the collar of his coat up and shifted through the crowds in Rennidan's Oldtown District. The storm had kicked up the dust from the cobbled roads, creating a thick paste-like residue to form on the shoes of all who walked the streets, and right now, that was a lot of people.

Ronnan stuck out like a stubby, bloody mess where a sore thumb once was as he wandered the streets of Rennidan. All around him people were proudly wearing their white and dark blue Rennidanian tops (and there was that odd weirdy-lookin' fella' in a Prux Roboducks top), milling about with pleasant smiles on their faces after the nation's first point-earning match of the World Cup. It wasn't the kind of crowd that a national celebrity in a long black rain coat and shabby hat could get away with hiding in for long.

The first shout of recognition came from beside the midfielder, a stocky bald headed man with less-than-fashionable stubble, but his cry was luckily muffled enough by a clap of thunder, meaning only Ronnan himself heard it. Turning on the spot to both run and dodge the man's prying hands, Ronnan found the slippery cobbled roads greatly hindered such simple manoeuvres, meaning the simple turn was hyperboled into a rather acrobatic half-flip.

Rule One of Staying Incognito: Don't draw attention to yourself.

If it wasn't bad enough the star was in the kind of outfit a spy would wear, he was now entertaining the masses by pretending to be in the circus.

And he was failing at it quite spectacularly.

Using his hands to turn the turn-ala-flip into a rolley-polley, Ronnan was quickly up on his feet and weaving his way through the crowd who had yet to realize who he was. Cries for autographs and pictures swept through the air, almost out-sounding that of the harsh Rennidanian thunder. Around him, the street was narrowing, meaning the crowd was getting more and more packed together. In the distance, lightning illuminated sides of Mount Rennida, and reflected off the golden rooftops of the Emperor's House. It was a pretty picture, but one the Rennidanian's were used to. Besides, their attention was more focused on the man in the raincoat, desperate enough to get home that he was hoisting himself up onto the roof of one of the old houses by the side of the road.

What an idi--Hey, wait! Is that Michael Ronnan?

NO WAY!


______________________

A few hours later, a couple of which were spent hiding in a dumpster, Ronnan's apartment, Rennidan -

They reckon that the best time to do your thinking is in the shower. Something about it relaxing you. Right now though, Michael Ronnan wasn't in the shower for thinking time, he was in there to wash off the gone-off chicken that has successfully clung to his face for the last three blocks.

The midfielder just couldn't win. At first, he was reclusive. The media payed him little attention, and the fans just acknowledged his existence. Then, after his father's death (after he found his father, dead, still hooked up to the very machines supposedly keeping him going oh god the beeping), he really came out of his shell. He matured and realized that he had to do his part for the team and for his country. He smiled in the photo shoots. He told jokes at the press conferences. He signed autographs, signed people's chests and actually went to those God-awful charity events. He became the people's person.

And now?

Now he couldn't even walk home without having to hide in the fucking trash.

He just wanted to play football, just like his father had wanted him to do.

He didn't want to be a celebrity.

He didn't want to be a media mystery.

He didn't want to be a hero.

http://img167.imageshack.us/img167/671/snpaperwb1.png (http://imageshack.us)

Government in un-subtle subtle warning to Jeruselem

Following the shocking news that Jeruselemite forces are planning to take down Sorthern fans using any force necessary, the SN government today fully back Jimmy Sheridan in saying, "Should any Sortherners go to Jeruselem and not make it back from the game or end up in prison they shall have hell to pay! They cannot go around killing our citizens just because they don't like us buying nuts from Palestinians. If anything happens at the match in Jeruselem then they will be coming to hell when we host them!"

The threat comes after reports in Jeruselem have suggested that security will be using guns to randomly pick out and kill innocent Sorthern fans who are merely trying to support their team and have a bit of fun. Oh and partake in the popular international "Throw nuts at a Dallas" campaign. A campaign which has been widely backed by the Sorthern government who have ploughed huge funds into buying pistachio nuts for fans to hurl at members of the Dallas clan.

The threat from the SN government has been interpreted by as the nation already turning it's back on it's promise not to go to war again this World Cup. These claims have been backed up by a huge increase in military spending and huge amounts of rockets, missiles (reportedly with the range to be able to blow Jeruselem to bits!). Sheridan however explained this as "we're just being cautious, our world-renowned intelligence services have under-covered some unfriendly forces who may be prepared to attack, this is just a matter of us showing an arms superiority and defending ourselves than going to war. I urge the people to remain clam and take as many nuts and other pub snack, pork based ones especially as they can carry to the Jeruselem game."

With Jeruselem saying it would be making sure fans didn't bring huge quantities of pistachio nuts into the country, Sheridan remained confident his citizens would be able to keep up the good work of the campaign so far. "We're sending 1000 tonnes with the team as "refreshment" so we should have some to give to fans at any rate. Even if they don't have pistachio nuts though I heartily encourage them to use other random pub snacks, advice on which can be found from the Ministry of Nuts and Other Pub Snacks. I myself will be taking some pork scratchings to throw at some Dallas members. I think that is very suitable."

In other news we supposedly only drew our opening World Cup qualifier away to Nethertopia one all. However reports from an alternate reality or parralel universe or something in a nation called TheHURD (the one we didn't play in a friendly) says we won the game 73-0 and are looking good to win the whole competition so as long as they throw nuts at Dazza Dallas in that universe we fully hope it is in fact the true one.

PRUXTON GLOBE

Dateline: Rennidan
Reason: Matchday one

Result: 2-2 away draw.

Scoring:
Scoring:
Prux – Quickie MacDuck: 3'
Prux – Mumbo Duck: 15'
Rennidan – Michael Ronnan: 46'
Rennidan – Robert Golos: 90+2'

Summary:
Early on the ROBODucks dominated, but then the promised rains came and began to short out the team, allowing the hosts to tie the match late on a Golos goal in the 2nd minute of injury time.

Match rating (1-5): 3.0
Rating reasoning: A draw at a tough opponent is always good, but the inability to adapt to weather conditions shows either a lack of planning or plain stupidity on the part of Professor Gearlosse.

Next match: vs Tokyoni at Griffin Stadium, Pruxton

Projected result: 3-1 win for Prux.
Betting line: Prux -1.5; over/under: 3.5

Green Wombat Daily Tattler

Tough way to start off the qualifying run as the wombats get dominated at home 2-0 vs. Blouman Empire. Granted the wombats are not the best of teams in the group, but to lose the home opener is always a recipe for qualfying disaster. Now the wombats must regroup at Dancougar, who knocked off Az-cz, in Az-cz 2-1. A tough challenge to qualify has gotten tougher.

Scoring:
Blouman Empire: 52'
Blouman Empire: 69'



Schedule/ Results
MD1: vs. Blouman Empire LOSE 0-2
MD2: @ Dancougar
MD3: @ Free Krytenia Rebels
MD4: vs. Az-cz
MD5: vs. Ofedestan
Mid-Qualifying Break
MD6: @ Blouman Empire
MD7: vs. Dancougar
MD8: vs. Free Krytenia Rebels
MD9: @ Az-cz
MD10: @ Ofedestan
RECORD: 0-0-1
Based on past history and the schedule, the Wombats are not going back to the World Cup. A 5-2-3 record might be the best this team can do.

“…efended the stay in Fort Boston, which saw the President and several key members of her government miss the vital third reading of the immigration bill. We’ll examine the impact of this visit, including the current state of Bostopian civil society following their own experiences of terror a little later in the programme, but next to football; and the Big Blues’ chances of qualifying for their third World Cup have been struck an early blow after Kris Healy’s side managed only a draw at home against Kolanderaz. Michael Church is outside the Millerman Sheppard Stadium for us and Michael; that really wasn’t a performance to get pulses racing, was it?”

“It really wasn’t, Julia, no. Indeed, in many ways the quality of the performance was rather more worrying that the final result, as C&M produced a confused, panicky display in their first competitive clash since the Cup of Harmony third-place play-off. Now let’s make this clear; Kolanderaz are ranked well within the top one hundred and they’ve achieved some decent results in the past – victories over the Pazhujebi Islands and, indeed, the Holy Monastic Republic included – but it’s also pretty evident that they’re a rather limited outfit, certainly compared to a promising Zarblese side and the experience of the Algal States. Most pundits over here at least had pegged them to finish rock bottom, and frankly on this showing we saw little to disprove that.”

“Which doesn’t really saw much for C&M’s result, does it?”

“No, absolutely. Frankly, I barely want to discuss the matter.”

“Please try, we’ve got twenty minutes left to fill.”

“Well, the problems were threefold, Julia…

Screen switches to video of the match, complete with a ‘Pictures from TV1’ banner. Given that we’re currently watching TV1 this isn’t strictly necessary, but they do so love to show off when they’ve won the rights for something.

“Perhaps what’s most damning on Healy’s first competitive game in charge is how ropey the defence looked, when you bear in mind that of the five at the back – goalkeeper and defenders – four-fifths were from Albrecht Turkish, the club Healy left to take on the vacant managerial position here. The other man – Demario Ortiz, from Kura-Pellandi giants United Trilan – had never pulled on the senior team jersey before, and has been propelled straight into the first team by Healy’s arrival. In every way, it was his defence out there and, if nothing else, these players should’ve known exactly what to expect of their team-mates. Instead, they were let down by a complete lack of communication on the half hour, with Oberon Martinez forced to palm the ball out and into the path of the Kolanderaz forward.

“It would be fair to say that their opener came against the run of play, Julia, but C&M’s chances were extremely thin on the ground. There’s an utter paucity of pace in this side and, while there’s no little skill on show, that proved all but useless against a big, powerful visiting side frequently playing with eight or nine men behind the ball. There was simply no room for the likes of Alex Montano and José Felipe Cassumba Domingos to manoeuvre, and the sweeping crosses from Ben Edwards in particular failed to reach Ramiro Novo and Ignacio Vélez far too often. The irony is, that against superior opposition this side might yet do quite well – against a bunch of hackers like Kolanderaz.

“One-nil down at half-time, and there was booing – and not only from frustrated A.Turks fans, either. I actually spoke to several long-time C&M supporters who left the MSS after the first forty-five, stating their belief that this scoreline was symbolic of the Big Blues’ terminal decline. Now, things did pick up in the second half – they couldn’t not do, to be fair – and C&M equalised on forty-nine when Edwards benefited from his own cross’ ricochet off two Kolanderaz defenders to play in Cassumba Domingos, who scored his thirteenth international goal from an impressive tight angle – albeit himself taking advantage of a deflection via the ‘keeper. C&M maintained the bulk of the possession from then on, but never looked comfortable at the back and, on seventy-eight, Matteo Corradini was beaten to a long punt up field and that same scorer bulldozed through Ortiz’s ineffectual challenge to deaden the crowd one more.

“More boos at the full-time whistle were saved by Ramiro Novo; and to be fair C&M deserve credit for not giving up, and scoring from open play at a time when it looked like their only realistic threat was going to be from a set play. Still here though it was hardly a flowing move, rather substitute Merlin Siriwong taking control of the ball after a period of head tennis and launching a hopeful ball into the box which Novo had the control to knock past the ‘keeper.”

“So what did Kris Healy have to say about the result, Mike?”

“Uh, not a lot. He admitted that it was an ‘ordinary’ performance, which is putting slightly charitably I have t’say, but he conceded that this side was going to have to get a whole lot better if a place among the final thirty-two beckoned.”

“To put things in context, Mike, the Big Blues weren’t the worst underachievers of matchday one, were they?”

“Well no, that’s quite true. That honour probably belongs to Wetland, Kura-Pelland fell at home to an admittedly impressive Vonkian outfit, Taeshan, Acapais… There were quite a few high-profile losses in there, not least former world champions Az-cz and the Capitalizt SLANI. But at least their poor performances came against sides on the verge of the elite. You can’t really say that about Kolanderaz.”

“And the Holy Monastic Republic lost, didn’t they?”

“Yeah, but we wouldn’t honestly expect it any other way, Julia. Neither we nor they will have been expecting to take points of the Eesseff.”

“Alright, well don’t do anything silly, Mike, and we’ll speak to you again soon. Michael Church, there. Well, the Big Blues have little time to mull over that point because the second part of the opening double-header is just around the corner and Keenan Bailey is in the Holy Monastic Republic for us, Keenan?”

“…”

“Well, w–”

“Yes, I’m here in T’Dezut; the capital of this tiny principality best known for being ninety per cent monks and ten percent football!”

Grins to allow time for her grisly comment to sink in. Camera pans outwards to reveal a curiously flimsy cathedral and, walking into shot, a man in a check shirt, hard hat and carrying a pylon.

“This will be the first meeting between these two sides, and Kris Healy is expected to name an unchanged side despite… Um. Hello? Um. Are you a monk…?”

“Uh… Uh, um, um. Uh, yeah. Yeah.”

“Yes, well, wearing the unique dress of the, uh, Very Eastern Orthodox Church, I can speak live now to, um, Father…?”

“Er? Oh yeah, um, are we on telly?”

“Mm…?”

“Arright, um, can I say hi to my liddel gerril, Cadence? You be a good gerril fer yer mummy, swede art, and daddy’ll be back soon, yeah? Once he’s repaid his debt to society. Um. Are you sure we’re on telly?”

“I don’t think we are any more, no…”

***

The Albrecht Mercury: The News that Matters, the Opinions that Count, the Values that Stick
WORLD EXCLUSIVE from the ALBRECHT MERCURY!
Paola’s Night with Rampant Friar!
Holy Man was ‘Angel of my bottomless pit’

Ahead of the Big Blues’ World Cup qualifying clash with the Holy Monastic Republic, we EXCLUSIVELY break the story that could WRECK our boys’ opposition!

Model Paola Andrade dos Santos Moura, 25, revealed how she spent a night of pascha with an anonymous member of the Monastic football team, apparently on a visit by the team to her homeland of Cafundéu.

The Cafundo de Juto-born naturalised Candelariasian citizen, who’s conquests include former C&M captain Benji Fu and Grand Prix driver Pat Berryman, refused to name her ex-lover ‘to protect the Innocent’, but revealed to the Mercury that he had first approached her in a Monopolist nightclub. “I was a good Catholic girl,” she giggled, but the begging friar was “so insistent”.

But any doubts in the twenty-three year-old beauty’s mind were extinguished when the randy monk’s boastful words were made flesh when he defrocked his canonical robes to show off his cardinal virtues. “I couldn’t believe the side of his bishopric,” she told us.

In moments, the Father laid profane hands upon her and gave her a three-hour service of decidedly unorthodox sex. “It was truly transcendental,” Paola cooed. “I was a true backslider before I met him, but he was a revelation.”

The over-sext priest wasn’t done just yet, going back to the fundamentals by giving Paola’s burning bush a missionary mid-night mass of celestial bliss, ‘till twenty-one year-old Paolo gushed fragrant myrrh.

His work done, the Father decreed that the love-feast was over, left the then-lap dancer’s apartment and walked out of her life forever. Though clearly upset that she was deemed surplice to requirements, Paola moved on; but says she will never forget her sublime night with the devilish sinner. "I thought we had a future together," she told the Mercury.

Will the unidentified becassocked one make an appearance tomorrow against C&M? We know not. But fans will no doubt be keeping their eyes pealed for our Paola’s sake.

QBC WORLD CUP XLI COVERAGE

"Hello all, I'm Beck Davidham, We here at QBC are proud to bring to you the 1st World Cup Qualifier from Chek-Via Stadium in Fromburg, as Qazox takes on Fmjphoenix. It has been a while since Fmjphoenix has been on the world stage, but they are a nation that has had success in the past and looks once again to dominate. Qazox has been one of the more consistent teams over the years, qualifying for 7 consecutive Cups, but the team is still looking for that one win that will finally see them emerge as a contender, not an also-ran.

The referees are ready, the anthems have been played, and we're ready to go!"

<Match Fast Forward>

"Tenesha Evelo lines up for the direct kick, she's about 35 yards out and she leans into it.. its headed towards the net and GOOOOOOAL! Stevie Spingler with a deft flick of the head and its 1-0, Qazox, and the crowd here in Fromburg begins to chant "We're the real Pheonix" and Spingler has jumped into the crowd to lead the chant! The referee has pulled out the yellow card and shows it to Spingler. Let's take another look at the goal.."

<Match Fast Forward>

"It's still 1-nil here just before the half, and Jaus has it along the far sideline, sees Spingler, Spingler to Tarricone, Tarricone slips past the defender, sends it towards the net and deflected out by the keeper, right to Jaus and GOOOOOOOAL! Kallie Jaus! She's made it 2-nil here just before the half as Fmjphoenix' defense couldn't clear the ball out and Jaus made them pay!"

<Match Fast Forward>

"Greenley has sent in both Raul de Olivares and Letta Smicht for Maria Reyes and Maria Cruz-Preli, respectively here in the 83rd minute of play. It seems that Greenley might be sending a message to Cruz-Preli, that her lazy play will not be tolerated. Spingler sends it forward to Smicht, back to Springler over to Valladores, back to Springler, to de Olivares who races down the near side and What a move, he just deked the defender, lifts to net and...GOOOAL! The keeper must be ticked off at allowing that goal in as it took a unusual hop and deflected off his left shoulder and it's 3-0 Qazox late in the match, the crowd is wild and the Pheonix are going to win this match."

<Match End>
"A very imppresive day for Qazox, a 3-0 blanking of Fmjphoenix, as great way to start qualifying before the road trip. The next match is at Aleos. This is not the first go-around for Aleos, and they are at home where there is always a chance of an upset.
We have other scores from Group 7, and here they are:

Zwangzug- Aleos (Later tonight)
Orion Star Empire 2-0 Acapais (FINAL)

And scores from around the Q continuum:
Green wombat 0- Blouman Empire 2 (FINAL)
Rennidan 2-Prux 2 (FINAL)
Lithima 2-1 Taeshan (FINAL)

And the match summary for all:
Qazox: (Goal) Spingler 22'
Qazox: Spingler- 23'
Qazox: (Goal) Jaus: 44'
Sub: Qazox- de Olivares for Reyes 83'
Sub: Qazox- Smicht for Cruz-Preli 83'
Qazox: (Goal) de Olivares 85'

Qazox Scoring:
Stevie Spingler
Kallie Jaus
Raul de Olivares

THE ROCKET REPORT

TIME FOR ROUND THREE VS TURKS

Pocono City, Newmanistan- That time has arrived, my friends. From the moment the group draw was announced, we immediately circled this date on our calendar. Newmanistan and Kose and The Turkomans, for the third time overall, and for the first time to not be played on a neutral field. We welcome the Turks tonight, and in the not so distant future, we will be heading there for a fourth meeting. It is an important game for the Rockets, as you don't want to go pointless through your first two games. The Turks didn't have as strong of an opponent to worry about in their first game, but as Lithima showed to Taeshan, anything can happen. Sinan Kose and the Turks took care of business over Hockey Canada in their first game, getting all three points.

Newmanistan and Kose and The Turkomans will forever be linked, dating back to the 27th Baptism of Fire. It was then where both teams cruised through a grueling 10-game group stage, then through knockouts for their titanic clash in the final. The Rockets were victorious in that game by the score of 3-1, as they were in their second meeting in Cup of Harmony 32. So much has happened since them, a lot has changed, and a lot has stayed the same. The top two scorers on each side remain Sinan Kose and Jeremy McAllister. At approximately the same age, the two young offensive forces have both grown up before our eyes. Kose has become more versatile, as evidenced by reports that he may be moved to the midfield, and McAllister has matured and become a true leader. Both are much better players now. They were great then, but both are wiser as they have gained more experience playing at the world's highest level. It has made them more well rounded as players, and as people. In that Baptism of Fire final, Kose was shut down by Brett Prescott. Now, Kose and Prescott are teammates, playing side by side for A.F.F. in Cafundeu. In their time there, it is safe to say they have generated a greater respect for one another and have become friends. Still though, tonight, Prescott is assigned to Kose again, and we know that will be fun. The Turks, like the Rockets, have other weapons to be concerned with. Serkan Turkmen has become a true force as well, and Iskender Kazim continues to get better in net. Kevin Lewis, Shawn Drummond, and Alex Parnett will all keep the Turks from zeroing in on McAllister.

One of the greatest things about Rockets-Turks is that while it is a very competitive rivalry as both teams look to climb up the rankings, it has remained a very clean rivalry. Physical, but clean. At the end of the previous two meetings both teams have understood that the other was doing what it took to win the game as they shook hands and perhaps, hung out, afterwards. Now for the first time, the teams will play on the others home turf, and we have already received reports that tens of thousands of Turkish fans have descended up on the Empire. How many of them actually got seats with the lottery system remains to be seen, but they are here to show support for their great nation. As our players have done on the pitch, let us welcome these people to Newmanistan, and perhaps, buy them a drink. We have a lot in common with them, after all, in what we are attempting to do in World Cup competition and climbing this ladder together, and perhaps one day a Rocket-Turk meeting will be for a World Cup.

Stephen was laying down on his bed, staring at the ceiling. This power of his was bizarre. Absolute obedience... any command he wished upon his target was carried out. With this, he could do something about Dancougar football. A 2-1 road win against top five Az-cz was brushed aside by Stephen as a fluke result. At home to Green Wombat, a team of their caliber, he'd get a better picture of what they were made of.

But mostly, he was just annoyed by the foreigners. Foreign this and foreign that. Now foreign things were all the rage. Play in a foreign league, you'll get better. Buy foreign products, the quality is higher and they make you cool. Enough! What happened to the Dancougar he'd read about, the one that stuck to its own guns and marched to its own beat? The king had ruined everything with football; now, he would reverse it with football.

A clatter against the side of the wall. Stephen turned to the window and was shocked to see the girl from the stadium stumble in off a ladder. "You're..!!" he began. But he recovered his shock in an instant. "I should've known you would find me."

The girl got up and brushed herself off. "Of course, we do have a contract after all." She extended her hand as she had before. "All me to introduce myself. You can call me by my code name, C."

"Code name?" asked Stephen, taking her hand.

"We who carry this power will be forever haunted by it," C replied, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. "You'll find out soon enough."

Stephen threw her a strange look before walking over to the window. "You're never straightforward at all, are you?" he said. "I don't see what the worry is. This power is strong. I think I can handle it."

"Oh?" asked C, with an amused tone. "So you've already mastered it?"

"Don't be silly, I'm still trying it out," Stephen replied. "But I have figured out some basics. I have to physically make eye contact with the person. It doesn't work through reflections or screens. I haven't pinned down the range yet, but I figure it's a few hundred yards. The only problem is that I only appear to be able to affect somebody once."

"And where did you learn all this?" C asked politely.

"There are plenty of regional games going on around here, and pick up games that I occasionally play in," replied Stephen. "So it's very easy to find practice targets." Confidently, he boasted, "Keeping it from the others was only a trifling matter." C laughed. "Once I hammer out all the details of this power, then I can begin my mission."

C hopped off the bed and stood up. "Well, Stephen, you seem to be full of bright ideas," she said.

"How did you know my..." Stephen began, but he cut himself off. "Hmph. So I guess I wasn't some lucky benefactor at that game."

"Not at all," smiled C. "You've been chosen to grant my wish. And it seems like you're going to make this exciting for the both of us. Well, you'll have me to help you out. My job here is to keep you alive until you fulfill your end of the contract."

"Keep me alive?" laughed Stephen. He reasoned it out. It wouldn't hurt to have allies. In fact, the more the better. I don't know what's going on inside your head, C, but if I can use you in my plans, then it's all for the better. "In that case, welcome to the team..."

Elsewhere...

Peter folded the newspaper and placed it on the table. 2-1 away to Az-cz... if there had been a roster, he might've been able to bend it more either way, but as it turned out, the team did the work for him. And anyway, it's harder for me to use the Note, now that it's the answer to this case... Peter knew he wasn't the brightest guy to try and control this power, especially under the government's nose. But he'd read enough spy manga to have some ideas. A lot of things he could try were simple enough to be overlooked, or dismissed offhand as too simple for anyone with real malicious intent.

He'd removed some pages of the Note and placed them in his wallet, in notepads, and even on some white lined post-it notes he'd found at a stationary store. The Note itself had been moved into his room as soon as Russ left the house again. He had to find some way to guard it from discovery, but make it look innocent enough if actually found. To that end, he'd covered the instruction page and scratched off the cover as best he could. Then he put it with his old college notebooks, which no one in their right mind would go through.

"Yo, Peter, we need to head out!" called Russ from the main room. "Apparently there's been a flag on some games out in Yuki City."

Yuki City? thought Peter. That's odd, I had no hand in those. Is some real fixing going on? He mulled it over for a moment. It actually was a critical error not to spread his efforts around the country. He'd focused mostly on Helmut and Lunarossa for his early tests, but fortunately his proximity to the 'good guys' in the case would keep him in the green until he did something seriously stupid. But now there was the question of these new matches. "Sure thing!" he replied, grabbing his jacket. "So it's spreading, then?"

"Yeah," replied Russ. "It's just a tip we got from the main office. No one's actually looked into any of the players."

"So we get first crack at 'em, huh?" asked Peter, hopping into the car.

"I don't think we'll actually get anywhere with this," replied Russ. "But at least we can try to confirm whether or not these are related with the first cases." They pulled out of the apartment parking lot and headed for the freeway.

Peter rolled down the window and took a deep breath. His own experiments in local leagues were all but over, now. He had bigger fish to fry. He'd taken a shot at planning ahead for the Green Wombat game, but for anything to happen, his scenarios would have to come up. Scripting would be too risky, and make it clearer that something was afoot...

Sabri Injured
In a training incident in Newmanistan Sabri will not participate in the game tonight, instead Sinan Kose will be pulled back into the right midfield role for tonights game while Nus Kusoglu takes his place in the lone striker role. This has come as a surprise for many as Alhrem was expected to put in Tumer Oktay into the fray but has instead risked playing Kose out of position on the right wing. While the rumors in the media said that he could play in midfield sometime during the campaign, many did not expect Alhrem, a level headed manager to be willing to risk it in a game of such importance.

Meanwhile a knee injury to Uzulmez has rendered him unable to play tonight as well with Levent Recber coming in for the defensive master mind. Sabri and Uzulmez have both expressed their disappointment at not being able to play in such an important match however they will be fit, should there not be any complications for the rest of the qualifying campaign.

The Battle of The Keepers seems to be continuing with Cakir Fuat, the primary keeper for this campaign has been benched for the flamboyant keeper Iskender Sukur Kazim, 22 who is not inexperienced at this level with 29 Caps for his nation.

The Bassabook Baritone
Rovers of the world, unite!

A loss for Aleos

Zwangzug's national football team began the World Cup 41 qualification campaign with a solid 4-1 victory at home against Aleos.

They truly dominated the first half, but didn't crack the scoreboard until Natasha Keller's fifteenth-minute goal. Which was immediately disqualified for offsides. And she's supposed to be a midfielder. Gary Maini, however, scored in the eighteenth minute, and the match was Zwangzug's from there. Peter Vanderpent was to score in the thirty-fourth, and Keller got a real goal just before halftime.

By then, she had finally figured out which half of the field was which. Unfortunately, she remembered after halftime, by which time Zwangzug was defending there and she was getting in the way of Dirk Grosa, also new to the starting eleven. By the time things had gotten settled, Aleos were on the board.

It would be left to Rohit Sharma to score the final goal. The onetime Namiri Forest standout is now excelling in Chelmar, Yafor 2, the country in which Zwangzug midfielders Steven Ruck and Brendan Deguela play. As well as a good deal of the Aleos team, although it was hard to tell who was playing. Probably a bunch of fellows with one short little name each. In four international games, Sharma has scored four goals-none before the seventy-fifth minute.

In other results of note, Baptism of Fire competitors the Orion Star Empire upset defending Cup of Harmony champions Acapais in Zwangzug's Group 7. Cafundéu and Northern Bettia drew one apiece, Vonks (which some guys over in the elite predictions cooperative, or whatever euphemism they've come up with now, are expecting to be the best of this cup's new teams) beat a slumping Kura-Pelland, and last Cup's runners-up (Bazalonia) played an unranked team (Kirrin Island).

And only won by five.

Jeruselem Government News

Government dismisses "sabre rattling" from SN

With Sorthern Northland threatening to use missiles against Jeruselem of recent days, the Jeruselem government dismissed the threat.

Government spokesperson Princess Marie-Antoinette Dallas said
"So they can fire missiles at us? Put it this way, they fire first ... and SN will be wiped of the face of the planet. Jeruselem may look like a big nation with lots of stupid women like me but we are armed to the teeth. We regard nuke missiles as out of date and obselete. We have better hypersonic missiles and other new tech. Missiles are like rocks. We've invested trillions into ways to protect the nation. Idiots throw rocks in glass houses."

Observant people have noticed a man a grey cloak following Dazza Dallas around of recent times. Dallas spokeperson (Marie again) said
"He's just new bodyguard. He's done a great job protecting Mum. He just does his work without fuss, the way security should work."

An occult expert said
"We think he's a Jedi knight. It's known fact, the Jeruselem royal family use Jedi knights as bodyguards. But we think Dazza Dallas is more than just a normal woman as well. We suspect she's one of those half Jedi/Sith characters. I used a Force meter on the clan, it's weak with Debbie Dallas half of the family but abnormally strong with some members of the Dazza half. Marie's readings were unreadable."

(Players gather for a pre-game discussion)

Lewis: So what you doing, Eddie?

Chapman: Trying to check my e-mail before the game today. But this damn website is down. It was down all night, came up for a few hours, then has been down again. It's really annoying. Friggin' database errors.

Lewis: Well, that's the internet for ya, at least we've had our game tape working.

Chapman: Yeah, at least something's been working.

McAllister: So, Brett, ready to knock Sinan Kose all over the pitch?

Prescott: Yeah, its fun to play against him.

Lewis: That must be weird know that you two are teammates out in Cafundeu.

Prescott: Nah, I know my job. It'd be weird if he was a teammate before he was an opponent. I've covered him before and seen him in practice.

Hennis: Brett, thanks for that tape, man. It has been very helpful.

Lewis: What tape was that?

Prescott: Just on what Kose likes to do when he's got a great shot opportunity, tendencies and stuff like that, that might help Corey make a big stop for us.

Lewis: Good deal.

Prescott: I still wanna beat those guys.

McAllister: Hey did you guys see this online poll: Who do you think is a better player, Jeremy McAllister or Sinan Kose. 83% voted for me.

Lewis: Uhmm, I would hope so Jeremy. Seeing it was on a Newmanistanian website directed for Newmanistanians.

McAllister: Don't ruin my thunder, Kevin. I'm sure they voted objectively!

Brooker: That 17% that voted for Kose were probably the people from their country that made the trip here, I've heard they're sending a lot of people.

Lewis: Jeremy, if the same poll was on a Turkish website, I'm sure the numbers would have been reversed.

Chapman: (from the background) Yes!!! The sites finally up!! No more database errors!!!

Carrigan: Brooks is right too about the Turkish fans here. Most of them don't have tickets, but they came here to support their country. Pretty cool, I know we'd do the same thing.

McAllister: Of course, because we have the best fans in the world.


(Coach Carson walks in room)

Carson: Hello everyone.

Team: Hey coach!

Chapman: (mumbling) Just when I can log on to site I have to log off.

McAllister: Coach, who's a better player, me or Sinan Kose?

Carson: How about who's the better team, Newmanistan or Kose and The Turkomans? (nudges J-Mac)

McAllister: How'd I know you were gonna say something like that. Of course I have the better teammates.

Carson: I know, I saw the online poll. And so you know, I wouldn't trade you for Kose, not in a million years.

Lewis: Awwwwwww..... (laughs)

Carson: Alright, glad to see everyone is in good spirits this evening. We know how big this is, I don't have to tell you. But there are some things I want to go over, so (coaches goes into a long strategic lecture)

Perspectives, part two

"Goal for Vephrall! Number eight, Soscren Pranasik, assisted by number six, Dotos Ponten!"

Sarashe Nore didn't own a Vephrall shirt, but he wore the colors of Clube Imperial proudly as Vephrall extended its lead to 3-1. Both of the aforementioned players play their club ball at that particular Cafundelense club, of course.

Sarashe had made the trip to Ellime Astiis from Shavawa, about 75 kilometers away. Nothing much ever happened in Shavawa, a small town on the shore of the Great Eastern Lake. So when a World Cup qualifying match came this close, he was obviously going to be there. To be honest, though, he was rather surprsied that a game was put here in Defae instead of the much larger Pallona. Pallona was about the same distance from Shavawa as-the-bird-flies, but since the Ministry of Transportation had decided against bridging the aforementioned lake, one instead had to go more or less around it to get there. Well, technically National Road 40 did have a bridge across the lake, but a relatively short one at its narrowest location. Would've been a beautiful drive, though.

"Substitution for Vephrall in the seventy-third minute. Number seven, Jehoepe Pasarap, being replaced by number nineteen, Brameit Seketre."

Seventy-third already? Wow, Sarashe's mind did wander. And...agh! What just happened?

Sarashe looked around, seeing "the wave" making its way around the stadium off to his left. He then looked down at his Clube Imperial shirt, the sponsor's name (what was it with the Cafundelense insistence on using football kits for unrelated advertising, anyway?) now covered in perhaps two or three ounces of beer. He looked behind him and saw two people standing - a brown-haired girl who had obviously had a few too many and a somewhat more sober-looking black-headed boy. Both appeared to be around twenty or so. Oddly, he thought, the girl was not the one holding the now-somewhat-emptier beer bottle. Her friend shrugged a bit sheepishly. "Sorry about that."

Sarashe turned back around just in time to hear the PA system come to life again. "Goal for Vephrall!"

Four-one. This game was wrapped up; time to get home and get the beer washed out of this thing.

* * *

VEPHRALL 4 (Scathock 14; Pranasik 35, 69; M. Pembace 75)
United Hetzel 1

http://img136.imageshack.us/img136/4894/snpaperke7.png (http://imageshack.us)

Sheridan denies rumours while Jeruselem threatens our sovereignty

Following the release of a Bostopian Daily Mail making scandalous allegations about our President Jimmy Sheridan, our President was today forced to release a statement denying the untrue allegations from the Bostopian press.

The offending text read (well not copied 100% but the actual report did say both things), "a local homosexual and redneck who rose to power". Upon hearing the news Sheridan said, "I praised his (Emperor Boston's) idea, and fully backed it and then the press in his nation go and call me a homosexual. It's just not on, it's scandalous and simply untrue. Sorthern Northland does not have rednecks and I am not a redneck, I respectfully ask the Daily Mail to edit the offending text and send me a written apology."

Following the redneck issue Sheridan went on to talk about about the news that Jeruselem is prepared to attack Sorthern Northland saying (whilst pointing widely at a camera), "This is exactly the kind of thing I was talking about. Our fans intend to go there and have a bit of fun and they go and threaten to wipe us off the planet. Yes off the planet people. Well let me tell them this, they went down in my estimation when they said that, we have not resorted to that, but I'll tell ya, tell 'em now, if they're watching this, we're still fighting for rights of pistachio nut throwers and they've gotta host us and get something, and I tell ya, honestly, I tell ya, I will love it if we beat them, love it."

He then carried on wagging his finger at the camera for a bit looking slightly silly with his large headphones before commenting, "If they attack us, they will be making a huge mistake, for they will not only be attacking us, but also all pistachio (and other nuts) throwing nations around world and I tell ya this now, they will be in serious trouble, we have a huge amount of support, a Coalition of the Willing so to speak, and if they attack us then our allies will lay hell into them and will not relent until their nation is dead and buried. Oh and if they attack us with Jedi's we have a crack team composed of various Sith lords, Chuck Norris, Dark Jedi, ducks and Tuncay Sanli that will wipe the floor with."

More on this story, providing we've not been blown to pieces when the times to report it comes!

(OOC)

Boy, just found out this was on! Le'ts go:


(IC)

Coach Luis Nudag has called almost the same squad that played the Baptism of Fire recently, with the excession of Right-Deffense Valete, who was injured during the tournament. Here are the players list:

(IC)



Number Position Player Club
1 GK Kasapa Billiard
2 RD Bonfus Goian Warriors
3 DF B. T. Kato Orient
4 DF Holden Billiard
5 MF Zezeh Goian Warriors
6 LD Bola Canibals
7 FW Norman Canibals
8 MF Magron Canibals
9 FW Sohizo Canibals
10 MF Raxid Orient
11 FW B. Oito Billiard
12 GK Serjio Canibals
13 RD Khan Orient
14 DF Vintium Billiard
15 DF Fera Canibals
16 LD Carecus Centurions
17 MF Tako Billiard
18 MF Colte Battle
19 MF Giortu Polar Zenith
20 MF A. Dinus Centurions
21 FW S. Canion Battle
22 FW Kolesterol Billiard

Coach: L. Nudag


This is the team's uniform:

http://www.magiasebarbaridades.com/fabio/FB/zarbli.jpg

Zarbli's starting team is an offensive 4-3-3:


1.Kasapa

3.Kato 4.Holden
2.Bonfus 6.Bola

5.Zezeh 8.Magron
10.Raxid

7.Norman 11.Oito
9.Sohizo

http://www.btinternet.com/~david.boston/_bostopia/dailymailheader.png

SORTHERN NORTHLAND THREATENED BY JERUSELEM

Bostopia To “Stay Out of Conflict” Until Necessary

Following the announcement out of Jeruselem earlier that anyone caught throwing objects at the Dallas or Sallad girls would be “severely punished” with “deadly force” has lead to the Sorthern Northland government to come out in strong defence of it's citizens. The Sorthern Northlanders said that they could be faced with having to back down on their promise not to go to war this World Cup.

However, the Jeruselem government have denounced Sorthern Northland's statements as “Sabre rattling”, with Princess Marie-Antoinette Dallas saying Sorthern Northland “will be wiped off the face of the planet” should Sorthern Northland make an attempt to protect her citizens.

The Ministry of Defence released a statement saying that they would “not promise not to go to war as is usual every four years, but if Sorthern Northland were attacked, we would have to revue our own positions.” When asked whether this meant there was a possibility of working alongside Sorthern Northland, the spokesman would not comment.

We spoke to some subjects of Bostopia on the street. “It's always the Dallas' who are in the news,” said Kelly Tamber from Southenham, Fort Boston, “and now that Princess Marie-Antoinette has a high count. It's like there's no-one else in the country but the Dallas' sometimes. Oh, and the Sallads! Just a bit of a rip-off.” Karl Lafferty from Highshore, Monham thought that the Dallas' were “fit” but “over-worked.”

Page 80

Bostopia is preparing for their second Qualifying game after being Capitalizt SLANI 3 – 1. While the Capitalizts had the best of possession, the Bostopian side took their chances better, with the opener coming from Plecnik before Sadler put Bostopia back into the lead with a headed goal from a corner in the forty third minute. Nerves were frayed until the ninety second minute, when substitute Lothar Jaeger rounded the goalkeeper and rolled the ball into an empty net.
Continued, page 78

Page 3

Editors' Comment

While Jimbob Sheridan asked us to apologise, he brought no proof that he was not a redneck, and photos the Daily Mail has seen of Sheridan on a recent holiday show he indeed has a red neck. This newspapers takes her stances and will stick with them until proven wrong.

Jeruselem Government News

Nut throwing is distraction from personal issues says government

The increasing hostility between Jeruselem and Sorthern Northland with nut throwing and sabre rattling is just a distraction for domestic issues said Jeruselem government spokenperson Princess Marie-Antoinette Dallas.

"If one is having domestic political troubles which don't go away, they cause an International incident as a distraction to take away the focus. We don't know about President Jimmy Sheridan's personal life but the Bostopian Daily Mail has obviously upset him. Anyway, we don't really need to comment further about one's sex life since everyone comments about mine. Politics is about stupid stunts and managing one's personal profile. This nut throwing business is just another stupid stunt to distract from another matter. We know about stupid stunts, it's our forte."

OLHO NO LANCE! YOUR SPORTS MAGAZINE!
$PECIAL $ECTION

WORLD CUP 41 QUALIFIERS COVERAGE - WITH GLOBO MULTIMEDIA
Written by Sílvio Ruiz, with comments from TV made by Breno Gavião

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http://img252.imageshack.us/img252/6965/321ji5.jpg
Moreira laments a missed chance

CAN WE TRUST THE MONOPOLISTS?

This is the question that everyone is asking. A team that did qualify to the World Cup in its first attempt, reached the round of 16 in its third cup and the quarterfinals in its fourth, becoming top 10 after its seventh. Sure it seems a very impressive team. But, after that, the team didn’t keep the improvements, and fell a bit on the rankings. The players need to show that Cafundéu can get a step higher. But, at least in the first game, things didn’t seem so good. At home, Cafundéu had difficulties and nearly lost. But got at least the draw.

THE FIRST HALF: Cafundéu is one of the few countries in the world where Northern Bettia fans are allowed to enter freely. Normally, the games between the two NTs happen in the Presídio, which is a safe place, as Cafundéu’s supporters aren’t saints too. Before the game started, the fans were provoking each other. In the field, Cafundéu’s team knew that the game was going to be difficult, but Northern Bettia’s players weren’t calm, as the Monopolists know how to play dirty too, although they don’t do this often.

But the Fire Ants started better in the first half, playing with more quality. Cafundéu tried to stop them with fouls and, before the twentieth minute, two players had already received yellow cards. The Monopolists started to play better since then, but the punishment came before the team could play really well: Sienko shot the ball, Moisés saved, but Yamane took the rebound and shot to score the first goal. After suffering the goal, Cafundéu concentrated in attacking, and scored near the end of the half, with a nice individual play by Moreira.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 1 (Yamane’s goal): “Free kick to Norrrrrtherrrrrn Bettia. I doubt it rrrrrreally was a frrrrrree kick, but Sienko’s acting was amazing. Inoue took the frrrrrree kick, passed the ball to Sienko, he invades the arrrrrrea, shoots.... Moisés! The rrrrrebound goes to Yamane, the Petardos S/A player will scorrrrre... and it’s a goal! Goal for Norrrrrtherrrrrn Bettia! Yamane, number fourrrrrteen! Norrrrrtherrrrrrn Bettia one, Cafundéu zerrrrrrro! Want to take carrrrre of your eyes and still look prrrrrretty? So use the new sunglasses Luz Brrrrrrranca, with new options for the summer!”

THE SECOND HALF: the draw in the first half didn’t seem the fairest result, as Northern Bettia played better. They dominated the ball possession, number of free kicks suffered and of complaints, while Cafundéu only dominated the number of missed passes. But Moreira’s goal gave hope to the Monopolists, which wanted to return in better form for the second half to get the victory. Breno Gavião was extremely confident in the success of the team, saying that Cafundéu would be able to score two or more goals. But nobody saw that.

Both teams seemed to dispute the prize of “who acts better” during the last half. Each attack resulted in a free kick or in a dive. Few times a player invaded the opponent area in conditions to score. The best chance was for Cafundéu, when Silveira exchanged passes with Augusto César and shot. Tiyo saved, Flecha disputed with Fukui to take the rebound and lost. The Fire Ants replied with a long ranged shot by Shinobu, but the ball went over the bar. But, in the forty-first minute, Sienko fell inside the area. The referee called that a penalty. Players complained, but nothing could be done. The same Sienko took it... and Moisés saved. The game ended in a draw, probably unpleasant for both teams, but nice for the other countries of the group.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 2 (Moreira’s goal): “Ball in the left wing, now in possession of Augusto César, this excellent player, rrrrrreally one of our starrrrrrs! Now he contrrrrrrols the ball in the midfield, makes a good pass to Morrrrrreirrrrrra, who drrrrrribbles Inoue! He goes to the arrrrrrea, drrrrrribbles Sakurrrrrra, shoots... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Come to me, rrrrrreplay! Morrrrreirrrrrra, number eleven! Cafundéu one, Norrrrrtherrrrrn Bettia one! Need something to imprrrrrrove the rrrrrrrelationship over the bed? The solution is in Darrrrrrcy’s Sex Shop, wherrrrrre you can find the things that you need to imprrrrrress your parrrrrrtner!”

JORGE LANG - INTERVIEWS: the performance of Cafundéu in this game was far from good, anyone could see it. Northern Bettia narrowly missed the victory, and the players need to convince the supporters that they are able to put Cafundéu back in the route of the success. Rivaldo Sodré said: “Not a good game for us, but at least we got a point against our biggest rivals in this group. It was a tough game.” Moisés, Cafundéu’s hero, said: “I’m happy to be able to save that penalty. Surely the result seems much satisfactory, considering the situation.”

http://img158.imageshack.us/img158/5999/123mk7.jpg
Silveira attempts a shot

CAFUNDÉU 1x1 NORTHERN BETTIA

Place: Obelisco Monumental, in Lasft.
Attendance: 221,057 people.
Referee: Zet Plomaker (Zwangzug).
MOTM: Moisés (Cafundéu).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Moisés; Vasco, Alex and Gaëif; Silveira (Marcelo Rocha 70’), Da Silva (Jorginho 64’), Augusto César and Moreira; Flecha, Fabrício and Rubiano (Careca 45’).
Coach: Rivaldo Sodré.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/northern_bettia.png NORTHERN BETTIA: Tiyo; Fukui, Konohagakure, Sakura and Nino; Hayashibara (Aoyama 45’), Yamane, Blakey (Katt 67’) and Inoue; Hayes (Shinobu 45’) and Sienko.
Coach: Iwan Obani.

Goals:CAF: Moreira 42’.
NBE: Yamane 23’.

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Cafundéu – formation for the game against Lovisa: Moisés; Ronaldão, Alex and Gaëif; Silveira, Da Silva, Augusto César and Moreira; Flecha, Fabrício and Careca.
Coach: Rivaldo Sodré.
Style of +1

Match’s Referee: Alvin Carson (Bostopia).

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WC Goalscorers:

1- Moreira

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Other news in Globo Multimedia:

- Cafundéu-born supermodel Paola Moura involved in another sexual scandal
(proposals from appearing nude in Cafundelense male magazines were made)

- High number of Cafundéu-based players playing in National Teams results in increase of sales of Cafundelense league team shirts
(teams that sell the most are Cafundó do Juta, Petardos S/A and Clube Imperial)

- Next Round Live Matches on TV: Newmanistan x Kose and the Turkomans - Green Wombat x Dancougar - both on paid TV
(number of channels showing the qualifiers have increased)

- Terreiro de Ogum faces religious crisis
(orixás send a "chosen one" to bring faith back to the country)

- Murder of Counselor-Minister Paul Badder will be investigated
(people blame the Emperor)

http://img505.imageshack.us/img505/6915/snpaperbb1.png (http://imageshack.us)

Response to latest Jew propaganda

Having lost a case for the Daily Mail to apologise for calling him a redneck Jimmy Sheridan was forced to respond to yet more propaganda from Jeruselem.

With some bimbo in government in Jeruselem claiming, "We don't know about President Jimmy Sheridan's personal life but the Bostopian Daily Mail has obviously upset him. Anyway, we don't really need to comment further about one's sex life since everyone comments about mine. Politics is about stupid stunts and managing one's personal profile. This nut throwing business is just another stupid stunt to distract from another matter.", Sheridan was hassled by reporters to give his view on the Zionist propaganda machine.

Walking up to a desk with some microphones on it and a seat behind it he sat down and spoke. "What the fuck?" where the three words that came out of his mouth.

A Government official expanded saying, "Maybe the Jeruselem government is run based on who sleeps with who and I'm sure as it's all the same family and they're like that they all sleep with each other, but other here we know how to do things and out personnel life doesn't interfere with any political decisions we make. And as for this whole nut throwing thing being a stunt, it is not a stunt, it is a hugely important protest that billions of people around the world, from Sorthern Northland, to Bostopia, from Septentrionia to all corners of Atlantian Oceania and loads of other places around the world billions of people are picking up pistachio nuts and other pub snacks and throwing them at the Dallas family as part of a worldwide protest. In fact it's more than protest it's a movement. This shit is no stunt, this shit is serious."

Knights lose to Lithima...What

Hopetfully this is a typo..I guess not we lost over in Lithima, Iguess this proves we suck, we cant even beat a non existent team. Well at least we scored on a Brian Ying Uing headder in th 45th minute. And are next game is against projected group winner Jerusalem, so it looks like we wont be scoring any points any time soon unless you count on points scored on a Dallas, but anyway we suck so theres now real point on coming to the Atlantea Collesium on Wednesday seeing as the people at the X Island Casino and spa have us losing 20-0. So really this wont be a happy ending game after all.

Jeruselem Government News

Getting the facts right says Dallas spokeperson

Dallas spokesperson Princess Marie-Antoinette Dallas after President Jimmy Sheridan responded to her last comment ...
"It's interesting Sheridan mentioned the Jewish propaganda machine. The only members of my family who are Jewish is Princess Jacinta Sasha Dallas. Well, she's actually half-Jewish really. Most of the rest of the family aren't very Jewish more everything else. We can see an agenda here, instead of calling it the Jeruselem propaganda machine ... he said the Jewish propaganda machine. Obviously, Jeruselem is Jewish in part but not all Jews live in Jeruselem. Read into his statements, another agenda. There are Jews everywhere! We don't speak for all Jews, like SN doesn't speak for the entire Atlantian Oceania region either. Yes, I can speak Hebrew but if you can't then you can't do business in Jeruselem."

http://img85.imageshack.us/img85/7065/dailyuniversianxk5.jpg
Universitus Successful in First World Cup Match
School's History with the World Cup Begins on a Fine Note

Valman-Vorhees (14) (1)
Ert (55) (1)

Daehanjeiguk In the first "real" World Cup match in Universitus' history, the Prefects performed very well, overcoming the 70th team in the world, Terreiro de Ogum by a score of 2-0.

The scene was transcendent. The sea of green packed into the stadium for the first time at the largest stage of international soccer. And the Universitus and Tildes Skills School Shields were in large supply. Team Captain and Goalkeeper Williams Compulson recalled "It wasn't anything like the Baptism of Fire. I was one of the lucky few to be able to represent Jey at varying degrees in both of these tournaments. No, the World Cup is something more. It's obvious the magnitude of this tournament. We fought well today and will continue to do so. We will prove Universitus' worth and place on the international stage.

And fought well they did. With goals from newcomer Midfielder Galin Valman-Vorhees from Darlough and Procolin Ert from Domz City in the 14th and 55th minutes respectively, the Jevian offense supplanted the Terreiro de Ogum defense and maintained their lead until the final whistle. Compulson looked fabulous in goal, making two very nice saves at the end of the match, as the onslaught of Terreiro de Ogum continued relentlessly, but the Universians disallowed any shots from coming between the goalposts.

"In all it was a very successful match that is the perfect start for us in this World Cup. We needed some reassurance of our abilities at this stage, to be honest. And I think that this match, against a very good Terreiro de Ogum team, can provide us will all the confidence necessary to go far in World Cup 41," commented Head Coach Dr. Felix Valden-Luordes from the City of Universitus.

Confidence may be in great supply in the Universian camps tonight, but they will need more than just confidence to scrape together victories against Capitalizt SLANI and Bostopia, the 2nd and 20th teams in the world, respectively, whose match-ups against Universitus will occur in the upcoming days.

Here's hoping that the Universians can use their newfound confidence to their advantage, and send a shockwave through the soccer world against these powerhouses. Best of luck to those stars in green.

(NOTE: The reserve list of Universians remains vacant with the exception of backup goaltender Adams Treiner. Valden-Luordes has told this reporter to expect a full team by the end of the week.)

Raeta Jaile is a reporter for The Daily Universian: the first news source for all Universians.

Well, why not?! Dancougar News!

Reporters at DNN, a cable news network based in Eastport, have asked foreign governments to stop generating news so quickly. "We're receiving one report after another over the wire," says producer Mitch Rockwell. "A response, and counterresponse, threat, counterthreat, and so on. And that little ticker at the bottom of the screen can only roll so fast. It's like a tube. And that tube can be filled. And when it's filled, the news is delayed."

It's also affecting viewers who aren't used to such a massive dose of political intrigue. "I like to be informed and all, but I'm not sure if I've got my facts straight at all," says stay-at-home mom Claudia Ball. "Jimmy Sheridan is the Jedi president of the communist party, and he's allergic to nuts in Jeruselem salads? Why would he go all the way to Jeruselem for a salad?" Upon being informed that plenty of men would, Ball gave up and switched over to The View.

In a related story, scientists at the University of Helmut have launched an investigation into whether or not the Jewish propaganda machine is Turing-complete and if it will halt.

After the final whistle of the first game of the World Cup qualifiers, the Terreiro de Ogum players seemed shocked. The orixás didn't seem to help. The team was left on their own to play against another football team, a team from an university, so probably a team without a strong faith on the orixás. Pai Berto couldn't believe what happened. He raised his arms to the sky.

PAI BERTO - "What happened? Why you didn't come to our aid? We haven't got the ability to play quality football, the Universitus team had much more talent than us! We knew that since the start, yet we were confident in our win, because we had faith on you! Why did you abandon us, my masters? Our faith isn't enough? Don't we deserve your help, my orixás? I dedicated my entire life to you, to praise you, and now I'm being abandoned. This way, we'll never qualify to the World Cup... we'll never make it past the qualifiers!

The coach of the team approaches the frustrated Pai Berto.

BLIND MAGICIAN - "Berto. Look at me. You can't blame the orixás for what happened. You're an experienced pai-de-santo, you know this as much as I. They offer their help when we deserve and, when they don't help, it's because they want us to do something before."

Other players enter in the conversation.

PINGUINHA - "But we made the rituals, I saw them. Yesterday, before we went to sleep, we made all the necessary rituals to call the help of the orixás in this game. We were confident that they would appear and give us strength to defeat this opponent."

GUAXINIM - "And it didn't happen! Their help was necessary, we are just mortals. Only with their divine powers we can overcome our difficulties to win games! Suddenly, they stop to help us... and condemn us to lose the games... we'll lose more, if they don't appear."

BLIND MAGICIAN - "Sometimes, the orixás want more than rituals and offerings to perform services to us, their children. Rituals are much more physical than you can imagine. They probably want something more spiritual... usually related with our faith."

PRETO VÉIO - "So aren't we faithful? Do the orixás think that we don't worship them enough? I can give my soul to them. My devotion is outstanding! I think they don't want just our faith. They want us to do some things by ourselves, using only a little help."

PAI BERTO - "Maybe you're right. For too long we have counted only on their divine forces to succeed in football. Now it's time to show them that we have enough talent to use less help than usual. Maybe if we fight in football in their name, they can return to help us."

BLIND MAGICIAN - "Maybe it's best to think this way."

RECLUSA - (delirious) "They're helping you, children."

PRETO VÉIO - "What did you say?"

RECLUSA - "Your faith is being tested, but the orixás are always at your side. Prove yourselves worthy of being respected, and the help will come with more intensity. It's time to work hard to get the attention that you deserve from the orixás."

PAI BERTO - "It doesn't seem that they are with us."

RECLUSA - "But there's a messenger among us."

ILUMINADO - "She's right, orixás' people. The orixás are always by your side. Use their help wisely, and you shall succeed."

BLIND MAGICIAN - "You're the new player... what do you know about it?"

ILUMINADO - "I think you can sense my spiritual power... you can sense that my spirit is strong. This is because I'm closer to the orixás than you can imagine... I'm the messenger that they sent to help you to get the football victories that you want."

BLIND MAGICIAN - "I can sense your spiritual power... after noticing it, I must believe in your words... but how can I use your abilities wisely?"

ILUMINADO - "Today, you put me in the last fifteen minutes of the game. It wasn't correct. The team wasn't motivated, as it was losing the game, so they didn't dedicate themselves enough to help me to show my full potential. But, if you use me in the right time, I can perform miracles for Terreiro de Ogum."

BLIND MAGICIAN - "Thirty minutes of divine football per game... that's what the orixás are offering us?"

ILUMINADO - "Yes. Only this way you can truly balance faith and ability."

PAI BERTO - "If you speak for them, my friend, then be sure that we will follow these orders."

Opening titles of a TV show contained a blue background with silhouettes doing various soccer things, kicking a ball from the ground, being headed away, getting 'saved' by a goalie and a ball getting kicked into a corner of the goal.

The words "Soccer World", the O, in soccer being replaced by a soccer ball and the o in world being replaced by an image of the globe, both were rotating.

"Welcome to Soccer World, and live coverage of the World Cup Qualifiers today we have live coverage of the first match day. Live at home in the CBBC Dome against Kirrin Island. We'll link up directly with Jason and Peter in the commentary box at the dome. Jase, Pete how are you guys going up there?"

The screen split to show the studio and CBBC Dome, labels underneath the video.

"Well, to tell you the Truth not much, it's quite a miserable day here, and combined with the fact that we're at home against an unranked team means that to many it's a foregone conclusion, the dome is quite vacant actually, only approximately 1,000 people spread throughout the complex, only 1,232 tickets so far have been sold and it seems that some of these won't be coming because of the weather." (Peter)

"Thank you Nev, personally we're doing great, it seems there isn't going to be much of a change to the Kirrin Island team, nor the 'lopes. So we'll see you back in 15 minutes for the national anthems."

"That we will Jason, thank you."

"Now, we have a rare treat, to start off this campaign we have Peter Hobble, I'm sure most of our listeners will automatically know who he is but here's a run-down. Star Striker for the first national team to enter the World Cup, bitten by a werewolf, cured, turned to orthodoxy, and firmly placed Bazalonia into the World Cup as a team to look out for. Welcome to the show Peter."

"Thank you, it's great to back on."

"Firstly, what do you think of the pistachio campaign against the Dallas and the Sallad families?"

"Firstly Bizarre, I'm unsure if anyone in either families are allergic to pistachio's but that's the Catholic's of Jeruselem for you, creating porn stars then over-reacting with snipers when someone takes offence, bu really the Sorthern Northlanders and the Bostopians are just as bad anyway so, for once I'm staying on the fence for this one."

"How do you think the team will do against Kirrin Island?"

'Well, to be honest, the team should give them a strong 'Welcome to the World Cup', with holding them score less with at least 3 goals of our own."

"and one final question, What's your opinion on Les Slut Machines..."

"Les what?"

"Precisely, and it's now time to return to the stadium for the national anthems, Thank you Peter, it's been an honour indeed."

"Thank you, Neville."

"Jeruselem against Sorthern Northland AND Bostopia?"

"Yes, master it's in the news everywhere." the small scrawny minion looked upped to the robed, cultist?, it must be it's robed. In it contained a number of news articles over the spat between them. There was a low murmuring as the cultist read through the articles one by one.

"War?" quiered the minion...

The cultist laughed, it's voice was weird, almost as if it wasn't human at all, and then it remembered to keep the noise down, and so it did..

"No, no mere War... this will be the greatest civil football war in the history of civil football wars...... For we are..."

The cultist continued to laugh softly as HE shed his robe to reveal...

"... the Spanish Inquisition, and nobody expects us! And brothers our fanatical devotion to the pope leads us too WAR!" There was a pillar next to him that had a huuuuuuge red button, almost larger than Dazza's um, front bits. The slammed it down hard the relatively small cavern that they were in started to almost unravel before their eyes, large pillars arrose from the ground as it seemed a large number of concertina doors contracted to open up a vast single cavern, it was full of laughing moans, as people were being tortured with fluffy pillows and feathers trying to tickle them.

"Brothers it's time get your weapons time to cleanse this land of heretics!"

"Whoop, Whoop, Whoop!"

"First are those annoying people from Nationstate Inquisition: Yafalonia and Bazor 2. They have no Idea what a real inquisition is like! Call down the ladder!"

Echoes of "Call down the ladder" reverberated around the large cavernous space as it seemed no one knew how to call the ladder down. Some tried "Here Ladder, Ladder, Come on Ladder, Ladder." but that didn't work.

"Sigh, I guess we'll just have to take the elevator. It's not as dramatic though."

http://img514.imageshack.us/img514/6655/snpaperzs9.png (http://imageshack.us)

Will he not just go to bed for a few hours and be quiet?

Following a quote from this very paper alleging that Jeruselem was running a Jewish propaganda machine, the government of Jeruselem understandably raised the issue on this in a possible attempt to accuse us or the President of anti-Semitism. We say no, nothing could be further from the truth, this here paper is actually edited by a Jew (and vigorously checked for anti-Semitic remarks by right-wingers writing in letters).

Sheridan also spoke out (yet again!) about the incident saying, "It has been bought to my attention by Jeruselem that L'Internationale, and I should point out it was the paper and not me... Get your facts right Jeruselem! Just because I'm from a Palestinian family who were driven out of the West Bank by Jewish settlers doesn't me I'm anti-Semitic, I may have something against Jews yes, but I'm not anti-Semitic... Anyway the paper alleged that Jeruselem was running a Jewish propaganda machine, having talked to the editor I can confirm this was a typo that has since been corrected. It was supposed to read as Zionist propaganda machine."

Sheridan is believed to have asked the Sorthern Ministry of Propaganda to make sure the world is broadcast a positive image of him over the next few days.

Meanwhile in other news, DNN, a Dancougar news station has asked foreign governments to slow down the generation of news because "that little ticker at the bottom of the screen can only roll so fast". In response to this L'Internationale has released a news report saying they understand DNN's concerns and will strive to decrease any concerns DNN might have. The University of the Bleeding Obvious in central Beningrad will also be launching a study into whether more news being released means more work for DNN newsreaders.

Weekly show #1 of Les Slut Machines.

Host #1: Welcome everyone to Studio 1093! We are very proud to bring you this first episode of Les Sluts Machines on Télé-7. I am Zézé Lavoie and we'll be here to present what the girls have done this week at the Maison à putes (House of whores). Surprisingly, the girls were not insulted at all when we told them about the house's name, but rather glad. I guess they're really into their work and everything. So we're now welcoming our five girls: Julie, Martine, Géraldine, Claudine and Pensée!

Host #2: I'll relay Zézé here. Hello everyone, I'm Lola Poirier. It's now time to see what the girls did this week. All began on Monday when they entered the Maison des putes for the first time. Most were unhappy at how clean was the house, but when they realised they could decorate it however they wanted, as long as the cameras stayed there, they were pretty happy. I bet it's because there were cameras to film them. Géraldine even strip-teased in front of a webcam. Following this, many groin injuries were reported, as was reported in La Presse d'Ourseville.

On Tuesday, the girls woke up with the traditional shower. Of course, there was a camera in the shower and we'll let you see what happened. Sadly, it was behind the shower door, so you'll only see silhouettes (OOC: I got the word right, at least. Take that, Baz). Then, they went on to eat their breakfast: this morning: cooked tits (the bird) with some fried polar bear. For those watching us outside of Septentrionia: yes, fried polar bear tastes like chicken. Then, at 15:00, they had a little activity where they had to pole dance. Julie was already pretty good at it and Claudine wasn't very happy. Of course, we staged the show so that Claudine looks like the evil girl and Julie like the good one, so you'll see many scenes of her insulting other girls. After a very short dinner, they went on to play pool until 10, when Pensée went to bed, claiming she was very tired. The other girls joined her in her bed and they got some dirty err... ice cream eating contest.

On wednesday, they had their first day out of the house when they went to purchase a halloween costume. Of course, their choice was limited: dirty catwoman, mini-skirt witch or pink bunny. Julie chose nothing, as she already has the pink bunny costume. Martine chose the miniskirt witch, as it fit with her glasses, Géraldine chose the same costume, Claudine went with a diry catwoman and Pensée decided not to buy any and went with a flowered bikini instead. Once everything was done, they were ordered to wear it to go trick or treat. Of course, most of them thought that "treat" meant to go in bed with a man. But it was sadly a candy. They all had a predilection for candies they could suck, we still don't know why. Finally, they came back and ate candy until late in the evening.

On Thursday and on Friday, nothing happened really to be honest. But on Saturday, there was the first game of the Route vers la coupe du monde where Septentrionia was playing Goo-wer-ee-djon err... sorry, Gweridijongya -- I finally got it! -- at Stade du Rivage. The girls had tickets to go to it and they got a seat in a different section of the stands. They had a challenge at the game: When a signal was given, they had to revove their t-shirt and go nake breast without getting ejected of the stadium. The first one to do that was Julie at the 10th minute of the game, but she did it for too long and got ejected of the stadium under police supervision. The second one, at the 25th minute, was Géraldine Dubuc. But she did it quick enough so that many people noticed, but no security people. She got caught after doing it for the second time at the 70th minute and got ejected. The third one to dare do that was Pensée Lafleur. But she was so shy people yelled "PANSY!" at her and ran out crying, as you can see. Finally, Martine Levasseur did it at the 55th minute, but she actually hid them with her arms and we only saw her sideboob. She never got ejected as there's nothing wrong with showing a sideboob. Finally, the last one to do that was Claudine. When people started staring at her, she began to fight with a man, trying to prove she was better than him. She got arrested and was condemned to a $1000 fine for troubling the peace. Finally, each girl did it, but some girls did it better than the other ones.

*Later in the show*

Host #1: Thank you Lola. This week, no girl will be ousted from the house. But next week, it begins! So be prepared to vote guys and girls. You can vote online at tele-7.sp or on phone at 31-91-10-93. Thank you everyone for watching this first weekly show. Come back next sunday!

RP CUTOFF

http://www.lifeinthefastlane.ca/wp-content/uploads/2007/08/man_cut_in_half_2_sfw.jpg

Scores! (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13765215&postcount=5)

LE/Ad'ihan will be scorinating the next set, which means some awkward time difference to which you will need to adjust if you want your RPs to count!

When? MD3, MD4, MD5, and Mid-Qualifiers

What time? 12 hours after 0230GMT (i.e. 1430-1630GMT)

Which hour? I don't care, just do your RPs!

This Mini-League is Upside-Down
Pablicosta's up top, Starblaydia's way down

Yes, yes, we know it's only Matchday One, but it's still as disappointing start for a Starblaydi side who were looking to score something of an upset in Tynelia, home of the ninth-best team in the world. Ultimately, the two-time World Champions failed to score at all, losing 1-0. Some say it was down to the steady discipline that Tynelia have slowly but surely built up over the years to take them to their current standing in the world today. Others would point to the Starblaydi side, blaming either the unfamiliar kit or the simple lack of a superstar in every shirt from one to eleven. A few more, however, would say that the newly-laid pitch, which was surely not up to international standard, was responsible. More on that one later but we, however, know the real reason: Hypocria.

Yes, that former international ally who had a cunning knack of being able to beat the political and sporting betters at pretty much every opportunity they had in the AOCAF Cup and even at World Cup and Under-21 levels. Tynelia have named their team the Hippos, after the Hyppos of Hypocria. The luck in beating Starblaydia has obviously transferred itself along with the nickname.

The goal which said luck provided was scored by Sally MacDougal who, after a long ball was thumped upfield by the defender White, reacted first to the mis-control by Kostas Nikolaidis. The thirty-six year old Starblaydi keeper was in what most goalkeeping experts said was the correct position, ready to catch the ball at roughly head height after a bounce outside his area. Arkady Kaneda was shielding the opposing striker, MacDougal, from the ball and everything appeared fine. Fine until the ball bounced flatly on the ground and completely deceived every player watching. Nikolaidis couldn't get down in time so simply stuck out a leg to stop the ball from heading towards goal. His attempted clearance was fairly awful, and as the ball bobbled loose, MacDougal sprinted through, past the unprepared Kaneda, and rounded the scrambling Nikolaidis to slot home with ease.

Starblaydia failed to score in the remaining thirty minutes of the match, just as they had failed to do in the opening sixty minutes. The much-heralded partnership of Lubii and Callind misfired to begin with, while the voracious attacking skills of Kuu, Nakamura and Bentley were, essentially, nullified by a five-man shield of defenders and midfielders that provided a great threat for Tynelia when they turned defence into attack. Both sides were looking to score throughout the match and it seemed a little strange that just a single goal was scored in the game.

Group Twelve, Matchday One
P W D L GF GA GD Pts
Pablicosta 1 1 0 0 2 1 +1 3
Tynelia 1 1 0 0 1 0 +1 3
--------------- - - - - - - - -
Magnus Valerius 1 0 1 0 1 1 - 1
Nire and Nire 1 0 1 0 1 1 - 1
Ma Raque 1 0 0 1 1 2 -1 0
Starblaydia 1 0 0 1 0 1 -1 0

Such a terrible thing for Starblaydi fans to see their team at the bottom of the table, even at such an early stage in this qualifying competition. Defeat at home in the opening match is never a great start, even if it is against the top-seeded team in the group, one who are in the top ten in the world. Next up for Starblaydia is an away trip to Magnus Valerius, a team Starblaydia first played one hundred and five years ago, defeating them by three goals to one in the final Group Stage match of the 3rd Under-21 World Cup, and barely a single Starblaydi alive today can remember that match - one where Simeone Di Bradini scored the third goal.

Final score from Tynelia:
Starblaydia 0 - 1 Tynelia
(None) - (MacDougal 62)




OOC: Grrr at forums being crap when I actually wanted to post this last night

Jeruselem Government News

Kitty Dallas offers a Olive branch to President Jimmy Sheridan

Recent exchanges between Princess Marie-Antoinette Dallas of Jeruselem and President Jimmy Sheridan of Southern Northland have been quite heated. The living propaganda machines of both nations have clashed hard and both have proven not to be weak at all. The Catholic daughter of Dazza Dallas and the Jeruselemite Palestinian who is now the president of Southern Northland have proven to be rivals in the media stakes.

It seems both have a lot in common as both are actually Jeruselemites by birth, and both aren't the type to stand down from a fight. The Communist rhetoric of Sheridan vs "Eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth" Jeruselemite attitude to battle.

Marie has now offered to go to Southern Northland to smooth over the issues with a few preconditions attached like not getting nuts thrown at her during the visit and both sides being genuine about a solution. She is aiming to stop the "throw nuts" campaign being pushed by President Sheridan.

When we spoke to Dazza Dallas, she said
"Throw nuts at us is akin to throw undies at Monks. Silly pointless behaviour. We're honest what we are and don't pretend to be some kind of perfect family with perfect morals. So we do the opposite, so we can't be accused of pretending to being what we're not."

When asked to comment about Tele 7 show Les Slut Machines in Septentrionia, making fun the females in her family she said
"I think it's a complement. Obviously, those girls are pretty dirty but their standards but I like the idea. The show wouldn't work in Jeruselem because watching us on webcam is about the same thing. And we kinda do this for a living anyway. Anyway, I'm old ... the boys want to look at Kate, Jacinta and of course Marie. I watch the show when I get time. It's quite interesting. That Julie is great poledancer, but my Marie is better. I've been ejected from football stadiums a lot too when I was young. I don't understand why it took 10 policemen to remove me though."

http://img187.imageshack.us/img187/8029/dailyturkpy7.png
Kose and Kusoglu Sink Rockets
In a game which showcased some of the best attacking flair by the Turks they recorded an overdue win over Newmanistan with Kose and Kusoglu scoring late to seal the win.

The first half was very much in Newmanistans favor with them getting three chances at Kazim's goal and all three resulting in an outstanding save form the young keeper, even more evidence that he should be in the first keeper position.

Newmanistan had their best chance form a Drummond shot which hit both posts and was then cleared by Koc, who had a day of dominance in the air. However it was the second half which set this game alight with Newmanistan having a goal disallowed for offside in the 66th minute, and then an emphatic Kose run lead to his goal after individually going past all four Newmanistani defenders and applying the deadly finish in the 80th minute.

The Turks would not settle for 1-0 and another Kose cross set up Kusoglu for a simple volley into the net resulting in the Turks first win over their rivals.

The win leaves the Turks top.

Elsewhere...
United Hetzel 1-1 Squornshelous
A surpising draw after some great play from United Hetzel to hold onto the draw.
Hockey Canada 3-2 Vephrall
HC record their first ever international win.

Match Preview vs. United Hetzel
previous Result: 1-1 Draw.
Form: L D
Position: 5th
World Ranking:118
Form vs. Turks: None
Review: This is the side that held the top seeds, so of course we will have to be careful but anything can happen in football due to, perhaps flukes and anomalies in world football, perhaps it was just a lackluster performance form the world number fours? all we know is we are not going to risk it tonight.
Verdict: 3-0.

The High Priestess knelt before the fresco of the magnificent Elune as she whispered the last of her prayers. The fresco had been completed just five years prior to the appearance of the mysterious cloud that preceded the events of the Tides of Darkness. It was painted much like that of the Rennisance era, with the merciful goddess being portrayed when she refused to eat the fruit of the White Tree, the act that saved her immortality. Sourrounded by her six companions, she alone had not given into the tempatation to satisfy her own personal wants and needs. It was supposed to be a constant reminder to the inhabitants of the Temple of the will and attitude needed to survive and prosper. That all was changed after these past years, now all those that looked upon the glittering masterpiece were left depressed and longing for some reasoning, some understanding as to why events transpired as they had. Only the High Priestess did not become swallowed by her grief when she laid her eyes on the fresco, though that did not stop the pain and sorrow to infiltrate her mind when she entered the room where it was housed.

As she stood as she finished her prayers, asking for guidance once again, she straightened out her skirt and a knock came from outside the door. She was in no mood for sour news, and with times as they were, that was the most likely reason anyone would seek her out in this place. Sighing as she wiped her hair to the side and put on her cool and calmed face, she pondered just for a moment if it would not of been better to have been killed like soo many of her brothern and sisters. She had little time to dwell on the notion as Nurain Durawe entered.

"Praying in front of the fresco again milady? This is the fifth time this week that I have found you here. Milady, is there something wrong, something that you are not telling us?"

"No my food Nurain, nothing that you and the rest of the Temple are not already aware of is troubling my thoughts. I know these are trying times, and many expressions may come across as worry, but fear not for me, I have the Goddess protecting my thoughts."

"If you may milady, I know something is troubling you. The servants hear you screaming in your sleep, you hardly eat, and you are constantly in this forsaken room praying and crying. If you choose not to tell you what is bothering you, then that is your perogative, but do not deny your worry when the evidence is soo clear to all those that would look."

"You see much Nurain, and you are quite wise. Since you have soo cleverly found me out, then I will divulge in you my worries." Taking a look through the window across Char Sara, the High Priestess paused for a moment and then began speaking once more, "I fear for us Nurain. Our people, our race, our country. I fear for it all, every day and every night I fear for our very survival. I feel the ache that is plaguing our people a hundred times over and it rips at the very core of my being. We waver on the edge of a knife here, one small slip and our entire existance is wiped away. Would you not worry if you had to bear such a burden, with their no reprieve in sight?"

"I would worry, but I would also allow those close to me to help milady."

"What do you know of such burdens Nurain? You are merely an entry level priest with no expierence in the workings of Elune or the Gray Havens. How would you know how it feels to be the cord between a diety and their people? To feel the pain of an entire race that is on the edge of being on the wrong side of genocide? You know NOTHING! of the pain I endure. Then you and your brothers speak ill of me and my prayers to Elune. Wha could you possibly know?"

"I know that Elune does not help those who do not help themselves first milady. I know the pain of having your entire family being ripped to shreds in front of your very eyes and not being able to lift a muscle to help because you had been knocked aside by the very creatures that are killing your son. I know the pain of not knowing which direction to head when the path is clouded. Yet I also know of hope. I merely have to look at the Marauders and their exploits and I have hope. I know all too well that we may never be as grand as we were before the invasion, or that we very well may be witnessing our last days. Yet I have hope abound just by the factthat these twenty or so individuals have the will and courage to continue going on with the activity that they love when they would be well within their rights to simply give up and try to grieve for their lost loved ones. They are an example for all of us milady. Think about that the next time you feel the need to ask for Elune for miracles and then ask yourself if you have done all you can to help yourself first."

OOC: Daehan? a bit of a problem:


Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Blouman Empire 2 2 0 0 4 1 3 6
2 Dancougar 2 1 1 0 3 2 1 4
3 Az-cz 2 1 0 1 5 3 2 3
4 Free Krytenia Rebels 2 1 0 1 3 3 0 3
5 Ofedestan 3 1 0 2 5 9 -4 3
6 Green Wombat 1 0 1 0 1 3 -2 1

Since when did Ofedestan play a 3rd game? and GW play only one?

World Cup 41: Match Day One

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/rennidan.png Rennidan : Kirrin Island http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/kirrinisland.png
4:0



Match Report:
Kirrin Islands – With a hard-fought draw under their belt, Rennidan flew over to Kirrin Islands for what would possibly be their easiest match of the qualifying stage. Rennidan reserved a certain revere for Kirrin Islands, who are currently in a predicament Rennidan themselves faced four years ago. New to the World of Sports, Rennidan had signed up for the 40th World Cup without first going for the Baptism of Fire. Whilst they had been unsuccessful in the World Cup itself, they had excelled greatly in the Cup of Harmony, a competition which boosted the team into 66th in the world. Kirrin Islands had also decided to skip the Baptism of Fire and go straight for the Cup proper.

At first, many believed Rennidan would go easy on them because of this.

They were wrong.

In their first World Cup, not a single team went 'easy' on Rennidan, which meant they were more than ready to give Kirrin Islands a taste of real football. It made Rennidan a stronger team in the end, so perhaps they were doing Kirrin Islands a favour in the long run.

Right now in the short run though, they were going at it with passion.

In the 19th minute, Rennidan surged fowards, allowing Sammi MacOlv to send a lovely pass sailing towards the right of the box. Here it was vollyed at an improbable angle by Michael Ronnan to go sailing into the top left corner, the Kirrin Islands keeper miles away in his own world.

The next break came in the 36th minute, when a clearance gone wrong by Kirrin Island sent the ball flying back towards their own goal. Mo Siv was on it in a flash, and got his head to ball just in time to send it parallel to the goal, where Nicholi Drentum knocked it in with a head of his own.

At half time, the teams retired to their dressing rooms, Kirrin Islands obviously deflated by their first half performance, Rennidan obviously ecstatic.

Six minutes into the second half, Rennidan made it clear they weren't about to let up. Michael Ronnan knocked a through pass clear up the pitch when confronted by a Kirrin defender. At first, it looked as though the keeper would collect it, when out of nowhere, Mo Siv broke through the defence and smacked the ball past the dawdling keeper to bring the score up to a healthy 3-0.

Kirrin Island gathered up enough momentum, and possibly rage, to attempt a few blasting runs at goal, only for the strong Rennidan defence to lock them out and boot the ball back up the pitch.

With full time looming and injury time keeping the match afloat, Rennidan decided to end on a high note and send the message home to Kirrin Island when Samual "The Wall" Fortal went on perhaps the longest dribble of his career. Not a single member of the Kirrin Island defence or midfield could stop the gigantic defender. Making it within twenty yards of the goal, Fortal faked a shot a back-heeled it to Michael Ronnan, who booted the ball in for his second and final goal of the match.

Their victory in Kirrin Island puts Rennidan top of Group 1 on goal difference. Their next match will be their hardest yet, against Wentland, 21st in the world.

Scoring:
Rennidan – Michael Ronnan (Sammi MacOlv) - 19
Rennidan - Nicholi Drentum (Mo Siv) - 36
Rennidan - Mo Siv (Michael Ronnan) - 51
Rennidan – Michael Ronnan (Samual Fortal) - 94

Booking:
Clean Match.

_________


Rennidan Goal Scorers:
3 - Michael Ronnan
1 - Robert Golos
1 - Nicholi Drentum
1 - Mo Siv

Rennidan Assists Leaders:
2 - Sammi MacOlv
1 - Mo Siv
1 - Michael Ronnan
1 - Samual Fortal


_________

http://i280.photobucket.com/albums/kk176/rennidan/Logo-3.png

Rennidan: Matchday Three Preview.

RENNIDAN versus WENTLAND


Weather: http://i280.photobucket.com/albums/kk176/rennidan/121212122.jpg

Expected Attendance: 70,000


This match is one which is hard to call. So far, Rennidan have exceeded expectations and placed themselves on top of Group One thanks to goal difference. Wentland, however, have underperformed drastically, losing their first match against a team ranked outside of the top 100, before finally coming back and beating Group One favourites Bazalonia.

So, we're in a pickle here at the Rennidan Sports Network.

As far as we can see, Wentland are either picking up their pace, meaning we can expect a loss, or they're just getting flukey, which means a draw or a win.

Of course, we're hoping for a "three points to Rennidan" situation here, but that seems incredibly unlikely. In fact, if we do win, I promise to eat my hat.

Yes, that's right.

I will go out, buy a hat, and then eat it.

Just for you, our amazing readers.

LIKELY OUTCOME: RENNIDAN 1 - 1 WENTLAND

_________


Annnnd now I'm going on a break for few days, which means no more RP for me for over the weekend.

Here's hoping RP isn't the only thing keeping my team afloat, eh?

QBC WORLD CUP XLI COVERAGE

"Hello all, I'm Beck Davidham, We here at QBC are here to cover the Aleos-Qazox match, the 2nd qualifer. Aleos, is not a power, but any team at home can be with a raucous crowd. But Qazox over the years have proven that they are not afraid of the road. In fact they still have a better away record than home record, even after all these years.

The referees are ready, the anthems have been played, and we're ready to go!"

<Match Fast Forward>

"and Aleos leads it 1-0 here in the 14th minute on a brillant shot by the striker that skipped past Goolden. A bad bounce for the Pheonix as they trail here early."

<Match Fast Forward>

"Kallie Jaus lines up for the penalty, after she was taken down hard by the defender on that corner kick by Tarricone. The ref didn't take out a yellow, but could have. Jaus sets up.. and GOOOOOOAL! we're tied at 1-1 here in the 29th minute, as Kallie slapped home a penalty kick that almost ripped through the net."

<Match Fast Forward>

"It's still 1-1 here and the second half just has started, and Jaus has it along the far sideline, sees Spingler, Spingler to Cruz-Preli, and sees Kallie Jaus alone on the far side, Jaus jukes one, two, THREE defenders and.. GOOOOOOALLLL! Jaus has made it 2-1 just into the 2nd half and the crowd here in Aleos looks stunned. Kallie Jaus with her 2nd of the match and she is dominating this match!"

<Match Fast Forward>

"Tarricone has the ball, sends it back to Jaus, she's swarmed by 3 defenders and clears it out barely to Reyes who finds Tarricone, who sends it on for Valladores. Valladores dribbles past one defender it's her and the keeper and.. she sees Tarricone behind and .....GOOOOOOOOALLL! It's 3-1 Qazox late in the match, the Home crowd have gone as quiet as a church. The Pheonix have a 2 goal lead on the road and Greenley is jumping up and down like a kangaroo!"

<Match End>
"Another impressive match for Qazox, a 3-1 win at Aleos and a 2-0-0 start, which is as good as it gets. 6 goals in 2 matches shows that the offense for the Phoenix have gelled and they could be a force to reckon with. Up next is a trip to Orion Star Empire, which could be a trap game as Zwangzug looms afterwards. Qazox in the past have fallen for this trap, but if they manage at least a point, then they will still have control of the group."

We have other scores from Group 7, and here they are:

Acapais 2-2 Zwangzug (FINAL)
Fmjphoenix 2-2 Orion Star Empire (FINAL)

And scores from around the Q continuum:
Dancougar 1-1 Green Wombat (FINAL)
Prux 1-1 Tokyoni (FINAL)
Taeshan 1-0 Jeruselem (FINAL) QBC's UPSET OF THE DAY

And the match summary for all:
Aleos: 14'
Qazox: (Goal) Jaus: 29' (PK)
Qazox: (Goal) Jaus: 46'
Qazox: (Goal) Tarricone 81'

Qazox Scoring:
Kallie Jaus- 3
Stevie Spingler
Raul de Olivares
Anderson Tarricone

To: Harmoni Rotherwell

How are you doing lately sister? It's been ages since you have written or called and I was begining to get concerned. After you took your trip around the World, you were a changed woman, but surely you still have time to send your brother a birthday or christmas card, a letter would be even better! I know it's my fault for moving, but I would likely not have gotten a better oppurtunity to play professionally overseas.

Life in the Candelaria is going alright. I'm treated mostly with an indifference, like that you would give to a stray cat, but I don't mind. I kind of like being able to go about my social life here without much attention. Though a few locals do hassle me once in a while for an autograph if they realize who I am. I mostly stick to myself and the team though. The people here are a tad strange, they refuse to even acknowledge the esistance of the elves in Valanora! I suspect it has something to do with their overprotective government, but it's not my job to meddle in things.

My club side still is not performing quite up to standards, though I am putting in the best performances I can. I'm starting to wonder if the enviroment for winning is simply not here. The club officials are not afraid to spend money on the club to try and make it better, but we continue to underperform. I'm afraid our manager might be on the way out if things don't turn around soon. That would be a shame since he is the one that brought me here, well his recommendation anyways.

As for the personal life, things are starting to pick up. I met this woman the other day while I was at the library, and we started talking. A few hours later, I have a date for this upcoming Friday at a four star resturaunt. I'm a tad nervous, this is the first woman I've actually taken out on a date since I've been here. Mostly it's been a movie here or there or one night stands, but this is actual date. Wish me luck, we both know I'm going to need it!

I hope to drop by your place and the parents the next time the Dynamo have a home qualifier. It would be nice to see everyone again and hang out at the old stomping grounds. I doubt any of the lads still visit Cherries, but it's worth a shot.

Stay safe and keep your chin up. Your fairy tale is just as likely to happen as my dream to play professional football.

~ Julius Rotherwell

Green Wombat Daily Tattler

A 1-1 draw with Dancougar on the road is not a bad result, but it should ahve been a win as Bard and Diehl missed on numerous oppertunities to score the winner in the 2nd half. Up next is FKR, and if we don't win that match, we might as well go home and retire from international competition.

Scoring:
Claudia Bard (GW)- 35'
Shishio Jinguuji (Dan): 44'



Schedule/ Results
MD1: vs. Blouman Empire LOSE 0-2
MD2: @ Dancougar Draw 1-1
MD3: @ Free Krytenia Rebels
MD4: vs. Az-cz
MD5: vs. Ofedestan
Mid-Qualifying Break
MD6: @ Blouman Empire
MD7: vs. Dancougar
MD8: vs. Free Krytenia Rebels
MD9: @ Az-cz
MD10: @ Ofedestan
RECORD: 0-1-1

Predicted record: 5-2-3.

PRUXTON GLOBE

Dateline: Griffin Stadium, Pruxton
Reason: Matchday two

Result: 1-1 home draw.

Scoring:
Prux – Quickie MacDuck: 73'
Tokyoni: 86'

Summary:
Once again the ROBODUCKs dominated, but careless play by the defense allowed the late tying goal.

Match rating (1-5): 1.0
Rating reasoning: A draw at home to an inferior opponent is as bad a loss, but still nets a point. Gearlosse must do something to stop this string of draws.

Next match: @ Kirrin Island

Projected result: 2-1 win for Prux.
Betting line: Prux -1; over/under: 2.5

The Nire and Nire 'Lazy Edition' to the World Cup Qualifiers


Two matches, one win and one draw
A little known fact about Jose, he is the [content deleted by the Nire and Nire Information Ministry]
Of the teams in Group 12, Nire and Nire have only played Magnus Valerius and Starblaydia, and only on one occasion each
We lost both games
In other world cup news, a major upset yesterday with Croatia triumphing over Germany
The Hunz International Stadium, venue for Nire and Nire's next match against Ma Raque has mysteriously disappeared
I like kittens
While other nations are embracing the 41st edition of football's world cup, Group 12 nations are approaching this tournament with all the enthusiasm of the Italians protesting George W. Bush, only Stayblaydia seems to have taken an active interest and look what that is doing for them

Dazza Dallas looking a bit quiet knocked on Flak Sho's hotel room ... she was holding a letter from Ariddia.

Flak: Hi, Dazza ... you seem a unusually sad today. It is because we lost?
Dazza: Err, nothing like it. I got this from the Jeruselem Embassy in Ariddia. Since I'm ex-ambassador there, I get the goss from the place still.
Flak: You're looking a bit pale, it's bad news I assume.
Dazza: Not for me, more for you.

Flak: Oh ...
Dazza: Well, you don't have grandparents anymore ...
Flak: I do have grandparents, two of them.
Dazza: Not now. I'm sorry to tell you they died in a house fire.

Flak: What?
Dazza: Read this letter ...
Flak: Oh God .. it's not true.
Dazza: Sorry, I checked with Ariddian authorities. They tell me everything, they are gone.

Flak: Means I have to go to Ariddia for a funeral then.
Dazza: I spoke with the coach, you can take some time off.
Flak: But they were so healthy, not sick or just dying.
Dazza: I can't save them. As soon as we get home, you can fly to Ariddia with your parents. We'll pay for you.

Flak: But I don't want let down the team either.
Dazza: Just go home, and come back.
Flak: I appreciate the effort.
Dazza: You don't have grandparents, but you have two Mums. Call me Mum if you want to.

Flak: Thanks, can I keep this?
Dazza: Yeah, it's not my matter to handle. It's Sho matter.
Flak: Can I take Jacinta with me? I think I'll need some help to handle this.
Dazza: She'll come. She understand family. You just take of yourself.

Flak: I guess it's time for having my kids.
Dazza: I'm sure Jacinta is happy to cooperate.
Flak: She doesn't need encouragement.
Dazza: Well, it's not a good night but hold together man.

Flak: It's Friday the 13th isn't it.
Dazza: Yes, it is.
Flak: My parent never liked the day. Bad things always happened.
Dazza: Well, tomorrow is a new day. Grandma Dazza wants more Shos in this family.

Flak: Grandma Dazza, sounds ... weird.
Dazza: The Jeruselem Ambassador to Ariddia will be there for the funeral as mark of respect.
Flak: No need, they were humble people.
Dazza: No, they raised a good Jewish family. You have respect that.

Host announcement

Corrected Matchday Two tables are now available (http://forums4.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13765580&postcount=6). The affected groups are 3, 5 and 11.

THE ROCKET REPORT

DEFENSE MASTERFUL FOR TURKS



Pocono City, Newmanistan- Well, the Turks have had their day. In the third meeting between the clubs, Kose and The Turkomans have finally defeated Newmanistan, registering a 2-nil victory on Empire soil. The win puts the Turks at 2-0-0 and the Rockets at 0-0-2. Spotting the Turks six points certainly was not the plan, but its still very early in the campaign.

Through the years, one of the most underrated aspects of the Turks, in our opinion, has been their team defense. Sure, everyone loves goals, but its defense that wins games, and that couldn't have been any more true then it was last night. At the start of the match, the Rockets took control of possession, and were having their way with the visitors in midfield, but once they got it into the attacking zone, the defenders were making timely clears. Yilmaz, Saray, Can, and Aydin were on top form, especially on the Rockets early rushes. While it's always easy to criticize a team that doesn't score, there was no lack of effort. The passes were connecting, but the Turks were positionally brilliant. There was one flurry, between the 25th and 28th minutes where the Rockets did penetrate the defense only to be denied by goalkeeper Iskender Kazim. Newmanistan had three shots on target within that small time frame, but Kazim was up to it, including an amazing save on Jeremy McAllister that looked as though it was perfectly placed in the top right corner. It was nicely placed, but Kazim wasn't about to let it by. As the minutes ticked by, the crowd began getting antsy, and the contingent of Turkish fans that made the trip were beginning to make themselves heard. Eventually, the whistle sounded to end the first half, with no goals on the board.

It was a tough first half for Brian Carson to get a handle on. Newmanistan dominated many aspects of the game, but the defensive pressure of the Turks was simply outstanding. How would the Turks come out in the second half? Carson felt as though the Turks would be highly offensive in the second half, so he urged his Rockets to weather the storm, then strike powerfully on the counter attack.

The early moments of the second half sawboth teams trying to establish themselves. The Turks were creating more chances, but the Rockets were having the greater ones. Early in the half Shawn Drummond banged a shot that deflected off both posts before a timely clear by Koc. Then in the 66th minute, Alex Parnett found Jeremy McAllister streaking up the center of the pitch. J-Mac took the pass and fired it home for a 1..... WAIT, WHAT?!?! The flag was up, McAllister was offsides and the goal waved off. The crowd was pissed, and the normally composed J-Mac waved his hands in the air, feeling he was onside. Our replays showed it to be a bang-bang play, so whoever you root for, you will see it differently. Fortunately, the official allowed J-Mac to state his case without any kind of booking. The crowd though, would not let it go as easily. In the 74th minute, steady defender Mark McCafferty got tangled up with Sinan Kose, and appeared to twist his ankle quite badly. He limped off the field and had to be replaced by Steve Secrist. We'll have more on the injury to McCafferty as we know more. Some of the fans wanted Kose to be booked, though their was nothing wrong with the play, and the official knew it, as did all of the Rockets players. Kose, though, would be just fine, as evidenced by the brilliant run he made in the 80th minute to get through the Newmanistan defense then fire a shot by Hennis for a 1-nil lead. Moments later, in the 84th minute, Stroudsbourg Panthers' Nus Kusoglu made it 2-nil, getting set up nicely by Kose. And there you had it, Turks 2, Rockets nada.

It's yet another chapter in the Newmanistan-Kose and The Turkomans rivalry coming to an end, but you can't have a true rivalry if one team keeps winning all the games. Last night, belonged to the Turks. They played a terrific game, especially on defense, and earned the three points they got. Newmanistan has played better then the zero points the standings show them having, and can only hope that their efforts will start getting rewarded in the form of points. One of the best parts of this game was the atmosphere though. No incidents of fan violence reported throughout the Empire. The Turkish fans were nice, one of them even gave this reporter a free Turkish kebab. Man, it was good.

And for some post game reaction:

Carson: "The toughest thing about this defeat as the 0-0-2 hole it puts us in. Their back end was outstanding, it was much better then what we had on our game tape."

Hennis: "I feel like I let the team down when I let the first one in. We had dictated the tempo of the game, and all of the sudden we were down by a goal. They are alot better in person then on tape."

Prescott: "Kose is getting smarter with age. Perhaps, he's gotten a little wise to me, too. They earned their win, but like coach said, being two losses down now really bites."

McAllister: "You're not going to beat a team as good as the Turks every time you play them, but I wish they didn't just come in here and win like this. We all have to look deep down and find a little bit more to win these games. We're not doing poorly, we're just not doing enough."

Lewis: "We must move on. We have a game against Hockey Canada at home that we cannot afford to lose. If we get back on the winning end, things can still be alright. We're not down. Like J-Mac said, we're just not getting the breaks."

“…ime for Icon Corner (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jb3yNM7kxWQ)… Six year-old Thomas has sent us this wonderful picture of the Virgin herself; and the beading around her hood is made from pussywillow catkins, which is just lovely… This beautiful angel comes in from Ellie, aged three-and-a-half, with wings made out of cotton wool. Thank you Ellie, it’s most inspiring… Well, this Jesus has been sent to us by Elias, whose six-and-three-quarters, and he’s made this picture entirely out of dried alphabetti spaghetti! He –”

*CLICK*

“…nd me, Theophany Water. International news now, and Jeruselemite princess Marie-Antoinette Dallas has been attempting to diffuse growing tension between her country and Sorthern Northland, following accusations of racism and incitement to violence on both si–”

*CLICK*

“…ay will I bless Thee, and I will praise Thy Name forever, yea, for–”

*CLICK*

“…rd, thou hast been our refuge in generation and genera–”

*CLICK*

“They have it on two channels?”

“…assian, Golden, forward for… Syrian on the right, but he can’t quite reach it. Harris Dixon clears up, and plays in on to Ben Edwards, Edwards in to Corradini but intercepted by Black, and plays in back to the goalkeeper.”

“There’s an excellent tempo about this game, isn’t there… um…”

“Hermogenes, Maximus.”

“That’s the chicken, aye. Golden can find… No, he’s cut out by Corradini again…”

“Yes, and he’s playing forward to José Felipe Cassumba Domingos again, who turns very neatly, can’t quite find Ramiro Novo but takes it past Scholar and plays in… Ooh!”

“That was ever so close… That Candelarian fellow is playing exceedingly well, isn’t he? For a heretic.”

“Yes, indeed.”

Janet Devey, lying on her hotel bed and watching the TV through her outstretched feet, rolled her eyes. It was bad enough that the official organisers couldn’t spell Candelaria properly, never mind that foreign broadcasters insisted on calling the likes of Cassumba Domingos Candelarian. He was Candelariasians, or Marquezian, that was it. You’d think they’d do their research. “Honestly…” she muttered to herself. “And our commentators are better than these Holy Monastic Republic ones…”

“Shove it up yer arse, love. Cassumba Domingos, out on the right, crosses again, hoofed out by Scholar, only as far as Corradini, he’s have a punt at it… But that’s high and well, well wide…”

Janet frowned. She’d had this nagging feeling that something wasn’t quite right here ever since she’d arrived in the Republic. Maybe it was just the flying though, or the funny foreign food. After all, she’d felt much the same after she and Terry had got back home from Zemyzha Myzhent the other year, until that nice man from the Home Office had popped round to clear up a few matters. But T’Dezut City had a strange, unfinished quality about it. She’d been around the Blessed Peter Gonzalez and St. Joseph’s and Christ Church and the Sacred Heart back home, and even though they were much more recent than anything here they seemed so much more solid, and weathered. The buildings here in the Republic, well they looked for all the world like they’d been put up yesterday.

Which was too ridiculous a thought for words, so she dismissed it. Almost entirely. It was just… It was only supposed to have been a day trip, that was the thing. After their experiences in Zemyzha Myzhent, the Candelaria And Marquez Association Football Association had offered them tickets to this game by way of an apology, though truth be told she couldn’t remember entirely what they had to feel sorry for. Obviously something had gone very wrong, because most of the other fans here had been on that previous trip as well. It was a really nice, communal atmosphere. But Janet, she’d had to be honest about this, was no great football fan. She’d watch it when it when Terry had it on, but he was the matchgoer, not her. It was far too smelly, and noisy and just downright, well, male. So she’d asked the monks if they wouldn’t mind her staying in a hotel, or somewhere, once they’d had a nice long look around the city. She’d no interest in going to the game, and she was suffering from jet lag something shocking.

Alexander the Quiet had said a word that Janet didn’t usually associate with monks and, after a brief row with Innocent the Sleepy in which the phrases ‘Bloody woman!’, ‘find a bloody hotel’ and ‘bloody hell’ were used an awful lot, they’d led her to a large, pink hotel just outside town that looked rather older than any of the rest of the city. It was all very odd. On that basis, it probably didn’t bear further thought.

“…ontano, controls with his left, takes it past Biographer, crosses… Novo heads! Out by Great, but… GOAL! IGNACIO VÉLEZ SCORES FOR C&M AND WE’RE ONE-NIL U… uh… down against the foul secularists of Candelaria…”

*CLICK*

***

Ben Edwards stormed across the pitch, at the fastest clip he’d run all afternoon, all to bounce on top of Iggy and the guys.

He’d seen the goal before of course, and new just how things would end. They’d hold on to this one for the remaining quarter of an hour of the first half, and be up against the wall for much of the second forty-five – the notion still had him in a cold sweat; how were they supposed to pretend to struggle against this bunch of muppets? – before, on a breakaway, substitute Cunningham would be fed by Cassa and it’d be two-nil. One of the best results in C&M’s football history, when all was said and done, even given the current lowly status of the Archregimancy. It was still so utterly vital to their hopes of making the Han’ihan cup.

It was just a shame that ninety-nine-point-nine-nine percent of the Candelariasian people would never get to see it, not properly. Not the real game, just this daft facsimile.

Ben celebrated the goal all the same, and with unaccustomed gusto. The words “Lord, have mercy” still rang in his ears. He suspected they always would. On the plus side, the broken leg he’d received after an unfortunate tackle on the dwarf had healed instantly, but he wondered if he’d be able to feel the gritty sand between his toes for the rest of his life. No amount of scrubbing had been able to remove it.

It was said that the monks of the Archregimancy controlled the reality of their own domain. Perhaps their control extended further than many thought. Certainly, Ben would wonder to his dying day, every time he washed his feet, if the monks had taken special care to give him a parting gift.

Zwangzug's e-Lipogram
Drawn and...cut in half?

Zwangzug's national football squad had a 2-2 draw in Acapais, which won World Cup 40's Cup of Harmony in Starblaydia. Zwangzug lost a 2-0 margin following that match's first half, following Gary Maini's goal and Rohit Sharma's half an hour onwards. Acapais, obviously, fought back, and captain Castro and Al Vick Osman's goals got Acapais a draw.

Although Acapais has group 7's third rank (most squads don't rank as high), Zwangzug didn't want a match such as that. "Cup of Harmony champions, obviously, that's a good [squad]," said Zwangzug national Kucinich, noting that Zwangzug hadn't though Acapais could win or draw it, and paid a cost in kind.

But it is good for our Cup that Acapais can win or draw-Zwangzug was away, if you hadn't known. Although both squads' first qualification try was World Cup 33, Zwangzug outranks Acapais significantly. Such is top squads' task-to allow mid-ranks and bottom XIs to win a match or two. Cup of Harmony champions? A good thing too-to win a Cup such as that, a squad must not only play skillfully, but truly want to win. Wants such as that maintain this glorious Cup, and lay down roads to victory. It wasn't so long ago that Zwangzug won it too...

ANNOUNCER: This... is Sportscenter!

SCOTTY: World football showdown! The Wings invite Green Wombat into the National Stadium, can they get their first home win on the year? Elsewhere, Turks and Rockets, rivalry renewed. Ignore the rankings, this one's dynamite! And of course, we'll run down all the qualifying action. It's Sportscenter... now!

(Da na na, da na na!)

SCOTTY: Welcome to Spotscenter, nice to have you join us. I'm Scotty Furr, and he's Kenneth Prime.

KENNETH: Lots of football on the show for you, including the Wings in action in Yuki City, and we'll jump right in! Green Wombat look to rebound on the road after a home loss to the Blouman Empire, while the Wings hope to feed off the energy of their 2-1 road win at Az-cz. Anxious moments early on, as Ibrahim corrals the ball in the midfield and slips it behind Leyton to Mike Sink for the show, but Watanabe punches it wide! Nothing fancy, just pound it out, and it's cleared. Later, still early first half, Jill Caffey curls a shot in on goal that Watanabe snags. Wombat definitely pouring on the pressure early.

SCOTTY: As in Az-cz, the Wings start slow. First real chance, twentieth minute, and it's Whittaker. Over the top to Jinguuji, and the header goes wide. Wombat counter, corner kick. Ledford takes it short and the outswinging cross... just misses the head of Ibrahim. Minute thirty one now, Wings come close to goal. It's Ikeda, working on Kristin Mcculley, and he slips the ball through to Morimoto who fires wide! Take another look, he mistimes the hit and drives it left of the near post. Rosenfeld might've got to it anyway, but it's just out for a goal kick.

KENNETH: Minutes later, Green Wombat break through. Sink runs it into the box and drops it for Hume. And it's Ladies' Night at the National Stadium, as it's Joanna Hume crosses into the box, to Claudia Bard! Absolutely crushes the one-time shot, the defense was asleep, and Watanabe is not getting to that from only ten yards away. It's 1-0 to the visitors; take another look. The pass comes from the corner to the top of the box. Yukikaze ran right past it trying to get back into the play, and Bard finds a spot away from Weatherford to get the pass. Great team play, great goal.

SCOTTY: Now the Wings wake up a little, and push forward for the equilizer. Leyton's shot is deflected wide. Morimoto takes a crack from thirty, but Rosenfeld not questioned by the effort. The break comes just before halftime, minute forty four. After Siler dispossessed Whittaker, he pushes forward and fires a pass up to Ledford... Boskov reads it and whips it away! Instant counterattack with lots of empty space in the middle. Boskov, to Leyton, who finds Jinguuji up the middle... GOAL! It's Jinguuji slotting it home from sixteen yards, just beyond the reach of the diving Rosenfeld. Hard and low, unbeatable shot, and it's all level after one half of play.

KENNETH: Second half, now, and both teams go for broke. Fifty fourth minute, Wombat corner kick. Curled in high, kept in play by Ibrahim, and it winds up on the head of Bard! But he just can't get enough on it, and Watanabe holds it. Wings come close in the fifty ninth, as Leyton takes the square ball and tees it up himself from the top of the box. It takes a wicked deflection off Guadalupe and bounces away from Rosenfeld, but it's just wide of goal. Wombat dodge a bullet, but just barely, because on the corner kick, Morimoto finds Ikeda's head... and his head finds the crossbar!

SCOTTY: Minute seventy, great chance for Green Wombat, as Mcculley makes an excellent tackle on Jinguuji and fires a long ball for Sink. Over everyone, but he gives chase. Onside. Barclay runs up to shut him down. Sink... taps it back to Caffey, who crosses into the box for Diehl... and Diehl's header is cleared off the line by Berber! Watanabe was beaten by the shot, which Diehl got a lot on, but the defender in perfect position to play the ball. Great reaction to keep it from crossing the line. Bard has another chance in the seventy eighth, as Ibrahim fires a volley. Watanabe can't hold on, and Bard mistimes the rebound and hits it off his ankle, and it squirts wide and out of danger.

KENNETH: Last good chance for the Wings comes in the eighty sixth minute. Whittaker, to Leyton. Leyton fires a low shot on goal that Rosenfeld punches free. Ikeda the rebound... and Rosenfeld saves it again!! Incredible stop while scrambling to get back to his feet, as Rosenfeld saves the day at the death. The game ends in a 1-1 draw, and the Wings are still searching for that elusive first home win.

SCOTTY: Time now to get 'er done and break 'er down, as Steve Teebone joins us in the studio. Steve, the Wings started slow once again and drop the points at home. What's keeping them back at the gate?

STEVE: Well, it's a couple of things, Scott, and one of them was Green Wombat really coming out and trying to take control of the game early. You saw both Newmanistan and Az-cz try do that, and for whatever reason, the Wings have just been letting teams have their way for the first fifteen or twenty minutes of these games. They've ceded the first goal in all three, and I'm sure Charles DuPont has to be beside himself. You never want to have to play a game from behind, especially now that qualifiers are underway and every point counts.

SCOTTY: The excuses they've made in the past few cups, too, won't fly now that the entire team has been professionalized. And at rank thirty, they're close to being one of the big boys.

STEVE: You're absolutely right, Scotty, but I'm not sure if the team has actually realized that yet. It's not like they're really going to surprise anybody anymore. The result against Az-cz might have been unaccepted, but there shouldn't have been such a big deal made of it. The Wings are at a point, now, where they can starting hanging with the top teams. Rather than get exciting about a win and fall flat in the follow-up, they need to treat it as business as usual and move onto the next game. All credit to Green Wombat, who played a very good game and showed some real guts in the box, but the Black Wings need to kick it up a notch, especially on defense.

SCOTTY: Match number three is away to Ofedestan, one of the newcomers this time around. You're Charles DuPont; what do you say to calm this team down?

STEVE: Well, four points from these two is a good start, and about what we wanted. But we can do better, and against Ofedestan, we need to attack early and often. Don't let them settle into what they want to do. The Wings are now on the other side of the tracks; they've been in this position where they're the new guy playing a tough side. Ofedestan has to have seen what the Wings have done in these first few games, and at home, they'll definitely be thinking upset. These guys need to remember that nothing is a given on the field, and if they don't take their chances, it's going to be a painful ninety minutes.

SCOTTY: Steve Teebone, thanks for joining us.

STEVE: No problem.

SCOTTY: Other group three highlights, Blouman and Free Krytenia, opening minutes...

http://img134.imageshack.us/img134/7993/dailyturkjo0.png
Reactions.
We caught up with the players after their 2-0 victory over Newmanistan, and asked them about the next match and beyond.

Sinan Kose: "The next game is the most important it will allow us to gain a hold on the group and I feel with our current pressing style we should do well, maybe strike lucky for qualification although it is to early for that."

Hikmet Koc: "I feel that the defense and the coach were spot on tonight and that we have every chance of making the final cut, of course we still have to force our way through some tough opposition, but we will make it."

Alhrem: "Well I feel that the squad played very well and have every reason to be delighted with that performance and I will not single out players as this is a team victory but my work with the defense has paid off."

Iskender Sukur Kazim: "I feel that we have done very well, I feel I have shown the coach what I can do, but if he wants to continue playing Cakir in goal then I will carry onwards."

The victory leaves the Turks with a two point cushion at the top of the table and will almost certainly look to add United Hetzel to their victory pile.

All the News I Care to Print! Dancougar News!

Although there have been efforts to calm the ongoing feud between Southern Northland and Jeruselem, DNN reporters have redoubled their efforts to keep track of ongoing events, in case this turns out to be the biggest "Football War" since the big one. We're referring, of course, to that one time when we weren't around when those nations did that thing. You know. That thing.

Recent online polls regarding the situation caused by Jimmy Sheridan's call to throw pistachio nuts at the Dallas family of Jeruselem have seen mixed results. 35% of those polled say that they would rather eat the pistachio nuts because they're damn tasty, while 8% couldn't understand why the Dallas girls were angered by men waving their nuts at them. 41% believed that if Sheridan really meant business, he'd have asked people to throw the jars that the pistachios come in since that would probably hurt more. The remaining 16% are covered by the margin of error, because we only managed to get like forty responses due to a massive problem with the voting server, something called a "Database Error."

Hundreds of viewers also phoned in last night in response to the news ticker suddenly displaying something about the NationStates Inquisition, which people universally agree was totally unexpected.

In an effort to cut down on the ticker overload we've been experiencing, DNN has worked closely with several cryptographers to develop a simple cipher to compress our reports. While this may result in people confusing real news with the latest World Cup qualifier scores, and especially the Pick Six lottery, we strong believe that 735 928 234 150 205 94 274 884 193 15.

http://i141.photobucket.com/albums/r56/kelchek/media/kirkenescourier-new.png

SPORTS BRIEFING

...a new contract to the Nordiques fly-half. Girolamo said he was "still considering" the offer.

FOOTBALL: Kelssek draw in World Cup qualifier
Kelssek were held to a second successive goalless draw, this time against Unified Beretania in a match at Exhibition Place stadium. Although dominating possession, particularly in the second half, Kelssek could not convert their chances and were unlucky to hit the post twice. Henri Cournoyer also missed a 67th-minute penalty on an admittedly marginal call for a trip in the penalty box; replays showed only marginal contact. Manager Mark Tupper remarked that the team "could do better at finishing."

WATER POLO: Increased equine drownings "a worry" says KWPL chief
This joke never gets old, does it? Well, actually, it probably does for anyone with any interest in the sport who must have heard some variation of it millions of times. We apologise. Now let's see if the editor vets these items or not.

---INTERMISSION FOR HAIKU---

The referee whistles
Player takes an obvious dive
Falling in the dirt

-------------------------------

"I constantly yelled, "score a goal, goddamnit!", but it didn't seem to work," Mark Tupper said.

"At least we haven't conceded one yet," his assistant said.

"Pah! Defence wins championships, but offence wins games." Tupper blew a small bubble with his gum, but it was not to his satisfaction so he didn't try it again. "And you need to win games to win championships. That makes some kind of sense, right?"

"Indeed, boss."

THE ROCKET REPORT

NOW ITS A MUST WIN

Putnam Lake, Newmanistan- Up next for the Rockets after two tough defeats are a team from the nation of Hockey Canada. We believe that they have been informed that the game is played on a grassy field, and not a sheet of ice, and they cannot use sticks. (However, if they wanted an exhibition hockey game between the nation's top hockey players to precede the football game, we'd be happy to arrange that). All kidding aside, this is a game that Newmanistan simply can not afford to do anything put pick up a full three points. Being at the foot of the table, right now, isn't the end of the world. Being there after this game by picking up no points, or just one point, will create a very deep hole. Very, very deep. They must just need to bring Underdog out of retirement. Hopefully it doesn't have to come to that. But this is important, and Hockey Canada is more then capable of winning. Just ask Vephrall.

The group is all muddled up right now. First you had Hockey Canada get the big win over Vephrall, then Sqornshelous could only draw with United Hetzel. Only Kose and The Turkomans is sitting in a comfortable spot. Those results make Newmanistan certainly able to overcome the hole they are in, but they cannot afford a slip up against Hockey Canada. Not in the slightest. One person in particular, knows how big this is. We are after all, in Jeremy McAllister's house for this one. Putnam Lake. What is going through the young superstar's mind? Our Clint Peterson had a chance to interview the Putnam Lake Eagle.

CP: I am pleased to be joined this afternoon by one of the top players on the Rockets, mister Jeremy McAllister. Jeremy, welcome aboard.

JM: Thank you Clint.

CP: Jeremy, the importance of this game to the Rockets is obvious. What is the mood of the team like?

JM: Despite the hole we are in, we are still in high spirits. There is still plenty of football left to be played, and some of the other results have eased the depths of the hole, too. Overall, we think we've played well enough to have won both games.

CP: This is a must win, though.

JM: Clint, this is absolutely a must win. If we cannot beat Hockey Canada at home, then something's wrong. We don't feel anything is wrong, so we are confident that we will take care of business. We've been sharp in training.

CP: And in "your house" I know you will make sure you get a victory.

JM: They aren't coming into my house and taking a single point if I can prevent it. They had their moment in the sun against Vephrall. I really believe that we will take care of business as long as we keep our focus. During training we've performed well. Like I said, we've played better then our record indicates, we just haven't gotten the result. Because of that, we're not going to make any dramatic changes, just work on some of the little things that we may be off on.

CP: How tough was it to lose to Kose and The Turkomans?

JM: It was a loss, so its tough. They're a good club, there are a lot of similarities between our teams in the way we like to play, and I think that's why the games between us are always classic. But, we won the important one.

CP: The Baptism of Fire final?

JM: Damn right!

CP: You appeared to have scored in the 66th minute of the game to put the team up 1-nil, and if it stood, the whole complexion of the rest of the game would have been different. Have you been able to see the replay?

JM: It was the first thing I did when I got the tape was fast forward to that point. It didn't seem like it at the time, but I saw the replay. I was offside. Ref made the right call.

CP: Very diplomatic of you.

JM: It is what it is. Refs and linesmen have a tough job sometimes. It was very, very close, and I had to use slo-mo to watch it. They only get one look at it, and at full speed. I can sleep better at night knowing the right call was made.

CP: What's the latest on Mark McCafferty? Is he going to play?

JM: This morning in practice coach said that Mark would not play against Hockey Canada, but would hope for a return against United Hetzel. It's a twisted ankle. It gives him some pain, but he thinks he could come back.

CP: So who will start then in his place? Or should I ask coach Carson that?

JM: Michael Harrison is going to start. He also said Steve Boland will be moved from reserve to sub.

CP: Thanks for the info.

JM: Not a problem!

CP: And thanks for your time, good luck tonight and the rest of the tournament. Go win in your house!

JM: Absolutely! Thank you!

Knights somehow defeat Jerusalem

Holy Radish Batman the Knights actually one a game. 1-0 over Jerusalem a team who should have easily manhandled us. Well the way they were playing defence they all looked really bad. I mean when you're a top ranked team it's critical to defeat a bottomfeeder like the Knights. Anyways seeing as nobody really cared, and everyone thought we'd get crushed only 190,000 of the 590,000 of the Atlantea Coliseum seats were filled and most of the fans werent wearing the Purple and Gold of Taeshan.

After the two national anthems were played the game began. The Jews started with the ball, and controlled it for much of the first half, but couldnt do anything with it. In the second half the Knights started with the ball and proceeded to canter down the field, passing it to and frou. When finally star middie Brian Ying Uing gained advantage of the ball, the fans knew a show was going to begin. He tossed the ball all about for about 20 minutes weaving through the Jeru D. Until finally he was standing in front of the goalie and he proceeded to just poke the ball into the net in the 84th minute. The Jerusalemites were stunned and thus couldnt due anything and the Knights won 1-0.

SAYINGS OF THE DESERT FATHERS


On Discretion

After losing by two goals to both Valanora and Candelaria And Marquez, sending the Archregimancy straight to the bottom of the group table, Fr. Postumianus the Biographer said 'All chatter is unnecessary. Nowadays everyone talks, but what is needed is action. That is what God wants, not useless talking.'

Fr. Rufinius the New Ascetic was asked 'what is meant by the text "Narrow and strait is the way"?' He answered 'Narrow and strait is the way by which a man does violence to his thoughts and for God's sake breaks down his self-will. This is what was written about the apostles, "Lo, we have left all, and followed thee".' Alas, our path is not narrow and strait enough, for far too easily did we allow Ignacio Velez to score the first for Candelaria and Marquez.'

Fr. Ephraim the Syrian nodded in agreement. 'And our performance against Valanora was arguably worse, despite Poeman's two goals. We are not condemned to lose if bad thoughts enter our minds, but only if we play badly. Because of thoughts we may suffer shipwreck, but because of our thoughts we might also earn a crown. Play badly, however, and we will simply deserve to lose.'

On Obedience

The squad agreed as one 'God demands this of Christians: to obey the inspired Scriptures which contain the pattern of what they must say and do, and agree with the teaching of Orthodox bishops and teachers. Alas, our implementation of Fr. Anthony's tactical plan has been fraught with disobedience, and thus have we deservedly sunk to our lowly position.'

On Self-control

Anthony insisted on a more rigorous programme of fasting prior to the Archregimancy's next match. 'When the monk's body is dried up with fasting, this lifts his soul from the depths, and increases the quality of our football. Fasting dries up the channels down which worldly distractions flow.'

"It was really weird. One moment I'm running after the ball, and the next, I'm on the other side of the field staring at a red." The player sat in a chair and fumbled over his words. Peter was watching a replay. The player had changed directions when the ball was cleared out and then, completely off the ball and behind the play, squarely headbutted an opposing forward. The linesman made the call and a fight almost broke out, and the player' s behavior in the middle of the scrum was consistent with someone hopelessly confused. "I watched the tape, so I did it, I guess. But I don't remember it at all."

"So that's the story, then," said Russ, tapping the table with a pen. Peter was taking notes at the other end of the table. "Now, when you zoned out, did anything about you change?"

"I didn't even know it happened," the player replied. Peter flipped through some of the papers, and the player started to get nervous. "I..if you think it's a mental thing, I don't have any history of that, okay? I'm not crazy, I swear!"

"We're not saying any of that," replied Russ, trying to calm him down. "Just calm down. We're going to review all of this carefully along with the video and what other people have told us. If something's wrong, we'll contact you, all right?" Once the player left, Russ turned to Peter with a disbelieving look. "So there you have it. The same thing for all of them. It's just like Patterson said."

"The stories are consistent, and I'd trust what that guy says," said Peter. "Look at him. The fight breaks out and he's flailing like a madman. If he really meant to waste that guy, would he shy out of a fight like that?"

"His demeanor did seem to change. You can tell," said Russ, rewinding the tape. "Right about here. There's a real brief pause, and then he just completely breaks off of what he's doing."

"And then again after the hit, you're right," replied Peter. So, someone else out there has the same power that I do. Interesting... the only question I have is, are they a friend or a rival? In either case, I have to find out who this person is. He handed the packet to Russ. "So now we need to figure out who's behind this nonsense. And we have approximately zero leads."

"Well, I guess we just need to do obvious stuff first," sighed Russ. "Check the games and find as many common elements as possible." They hopped into the car and drove away from the player's apartment build. On the freeway, Russ turned on the radio, which was broadcasting a summary of the 1-1 draw with Green Wombat.

"And then, Green Wombat almost put it away, but Bard's one time attempt skittered wide after it came off her ankle, a poorly-judged hit that cost them the full three points..."

Peter smiled.

"Man, I've never known you to be happy about a draw," Russ said. "That was at home, too."

"Until we lose, I think I can deal," Peter replied, stretching in his seat. "It's still only the second match.

Claudia Bard, shoots a rebound wide of the open net.

Elsewhere...

"So the Black Wings are the enemy, then?" asked C. She was trying to figure out what Stephen wanted to accomplish by sabotaging his own country.

"Correct," Stephen replied. "Isn't it obvious? Their overreliance on foreign tactics and training have made them lose sight of their native strength. A road win against a top team is all well and good, but when you can only follow with a meagre home draw? They've forgotten the days of self-reliance, where they would trust in their own strength and fight hard to the end. But now they're too worried about being in the right place on the field and staying in form so they can help some bloody foreign team beat our own in the TakilQuip."

"Big words coming from someone who was barely around for your so-called glory days," C giggled. Indeed, Stephen would have just been a little boy before Dancougar's first international competition. Even if he remembered his early youth, he couldn't possibly have comprehended the change. "Are you sure you're just not ultra conservative?"

"Call it what you will," Stephen declared. "But the Wings are my enemy. The plan is two-fold. The current team must crash and burn. A new team must rise to take its place, one made entirely of homegrown players and coached by someone who has built his model entirely with this nation's resources and ideas."

"And how will you do that?" asked C. "After all, you don't exactly have the time or money to travel to our home games, let alone the road ones. You'll never be able to use your power."

"Yes, I'm well aware of that," Stephen replied. "No, I will focus first on accomplishing the second goal. Once we have reached a high enough level, we can challenge the current team. And I will have greater resources with which to carry out my battle."

"I see," C said. "I hope you don't expect me to play. And you're no Flecha yourself."

Stephen smiled. "Players will be found," he said. "As for us, the generals always observe from behind the line of battle..."

"Dip, dip, blue ship, it, is, not, you. OK, Mesha, you're it."

"I'm ALWAYS it. Where's den?"

"The hopscotch thing as normal."

"We can't use that, the littluns'll grass."

"They wouldn't dare."

"No, Mesha's right. Someone told Miss and we're not allowed to go there. We have to stay on the grass."

"OK, let's make it Jungle Jim."

"And you can only stay there for ten seconds."

"Right! GO!!!"

Burga, Stig and Fozzo ran off towards the bins, Jambo and Kel towards the fire escape. Mesha was torn as to which way but he went after Fatty Patty for an easy get.

"TIG! You're it!"

"Not fair! You always go after me!"

Mesha was already gone. Fatty Patty lumbered towards the Jungle Jim to try to find Gudge or Potcher who were teasingly close to it but she suddenly had an idea. As she went past Ludo pretending not to see him she turned with a lurch and tagged his arm.

"TIG!!! You're on!!!"

Ludo did not react.

"You're ON, Ludo! Aren't you playing?"

Ludo was still not reacting. He stared into the distance with a thousand yard stare. Gudge and Potcher came closer, away from the Jungle Jim. Mesha and Sazza also came close.

"What's up with you, Ludo? Ludo? LUDO??"

Suddenly a voice came from within Ludo.

"Wentland two, Bazalonia one. A late winner from Robbie Schinn."

There was consternation. "Eh? What are you on about, Ludo?"

Ludo suddenly snapped back to life. "What?"

"What's Wentland? Who's Robbie Schinn?"

"Eh? Who?"

Sazza rolled her eyes. "He's having one of those turns again..."

"Oh, yeah, shall we get Miss?"

"No, he'll be OK."

"Are you OK, Ludoman?"

"Yeah, fine, why shouldn't I be?"

"You were going on about Bazalooney or something."

"Give over! I weren't."

"You were, anyway, you're on."

"Am I?"

Ludo suddenly touched Potcher.

"TIG! No I'm not."

The poker game was in full flow, something that had been started during the 25th Baptism of Fire in Miceland as a way to both bond the team and while away the hours. By virtue of having been in that squad, a dozen years and more ago, the big players were seen to be Leandro Perheira, Alfonso Di Angelo and, on occasion when the fancy took him, even the Manager Lex Panarii. They had the uncanny skill of knowing, on the big pots, whether they should call, raise or fold. Whether it was because they could read the younger players, intimidate them or simply because they were lucky was not known, but when the likes of Jaime Kuu went into the game-ending showdown with, say, Di Angelo, where one would come out the winner and the other be sent packing, there was invariably a good decision by the veteran. No-one knew quite how they did it, but all younger players assumed they'd get the knack of it eventually some time around World Cup 43. Until the mystical power of foresight came along, though, the squad played cards regularly, whether it was variants of poker, blackjack, rummy or simple trick-taking games as a way to unwind.

Swords, Staffs, Coins and Chalices. That's how the ancient Starblaydi deck had been formed and it was rare to find a pack of cards for sale in the country that used the more well known Spades, Clubs, Diamonds and Hearts that the Starblaydi deck corresponded to. All four suits were present on the table and in the hands of the two remaining participants, and it was the big showdown that everyone was waiting for: Di Angelo versus Perheira. The two players both in line to beat Paul Noble's all-time appearance record for Starblaydia, both with possibilities to become Starblaydia's first centurion and both players who had begun their international careers with matches in the 25th Baptism of Fire: veterans of poker as well as football.

Alfonso Di Angelo raised, and he raised big. The players known as both defensive and offensively-minded was ruthless at the card game and used every opportunity to harass and dominate his opponent. Leandro Perheira, however, was much more of a long-game player. He would satisfy himself with minor losses, biding his time until the moment came when he could gamble big and win the entire pot - much like his defending, really. The question was there: was this the time he would gamble big and win? Was this the time when the two great players would take each other to the limit?

They stared implacably into each other's eyes. Surely they would have each other's personalities figured out by now, be able to read each other after so many games together. Leandro sat forward.

"Fold." He said simply, putting his cards face down on the table. It was something of an anti-climax, the culmination of an evening's poker finishing with a simple folding. Though the squad broke up quickly, to return to their rooms and do whatever it was that footballers did, Leandro and Alfonso remained behind.

"It told you, didn't it?" Alfonso asked, with Leandro considering it for a moment.

"I wouldn't say 'told'," the big man said, "but I knew when I was beaten. Unlike the Tynelia and Ma Raque games, where it seemed to say 'Dickhead!'"

"Oh, I know that feeling," Alfonso replied, "I had the exact opposite when we won the TakilQup Cup, almost as if it was 'Well played, mate'."

"Where do you keep yours?" Leandro asked.

"In my sock," the midfielder replied, "behind my shinpad. You?"

Leandro said nothing, simply holding out his left wrist and the white sweatband that was permanently wrapped around it. He tugged at it and the sound of velcro unfastening filled the room. There, tucked inside with no danger of falling out at any point, was the briefest glimpse of a plastic-like disc, just larger than a poker chip. It was perfectly coloured to match the purple of the Starblaydi flag.

"We never did get explanations for those, did we?" Alfonso wondered out loud.

"I think this is one time," the veteran defender said, "when we have to figure it out for ourselves."

OLHO NO LANCE! YOUR SPORTS MAGAZINE!
$PECIAL $ECTION

WORLD CUP 41 QUALIFIERS COVERAGE - WITH GLOBO MULTIMEDIA
Written by Sílvio Ruiz, with comments from TV made by Breno Gavião

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WIN COMES IN A NICE PERFORMANCE

http://img117.imageshack.us/img117/9618/imagem2wu7.jpg
Flecha misses a goal chance

The first game in the World Cup qualifiers for Cafundéu was a draw conquered thanks to a penalty save made by Moisés in the last minutes. So, of course, that wasn't the result that the supporters were expecting. In the second game, the team had the responsibility to win. And thankfully they got the three points, in a good performance against Lovisa. Cafundéu wasn't threatened during the entire game, and made its supporters happy.

The first goal of the Monopolists was scored by Flecha. The fast and experienced attacker took the ball from Moreux and advanced into the opponent area. He dribbled the goalkeeper and scored the goal. Lovisa even tried to reply, but Cafundéu's defence was in very good form and stopped their attempts. Cafundéu continued attacking, but didn't score another goal in the first half.

In the second half, the situation of the game remained the same. Lovisa playing badly, especially in the attack, while Cafundéu made some fine attacks and seemed dangerous. Soon, the second goal was scored. Augusto César took a free kick, the ball hit the wall, and he shot the rebound, scoring a nice long ranged shot goal. After that, the Monopolists controlled the advantage, and won the game.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT (Flecha goal): “Morrrrrreux with the ball in the defence, Lovisa holding the ball waiting for the rrrrright moment to attack. Flecha appearrrrrrs, takes the ball frrrrrrom the opponent, what a defensive mistake, he goes to the arrrrrrea, invades, the keeper appearrrrrrs, is drrrrrribbled, Flecha will scorrrrrre... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Rrrrrrreplay, please come! Flecha, number nine! Cafundéu one, Lovisa zerrrrrro! Follow the exciting final chapterrrrrrrs of the soap operrrrrra that have conquerrrrrred Cafundéu: O Gênio. Everrrrrryday, at nine o'clock!”

JORGE LANG - INTERVIEWS: a satisfactory victory, after all. This can be the start of a successful campaign for Cafundéu, but everything is still uncertain. Coach Rivaldo Sodré said: "The team did well. They could keep the ball with their feet and score when the opportunities arrived. This is more than enough for us to win games." Ronaldão said: "The defence was outstanding today, and I'm glad to be part of it. Lovisa didn't attack hard, but they could have been dangerous if we didn't stop them."

LOVISA 0x2 CAFUNDÉU

Place: somewhere in Lovisa.
Attendance: (if you know, please inform us).
Referee: Alvin Carson (Bostopia).
MOTM: Flecha (Cafundéu).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Moisés; Ronaldão, Alex and Gaëif; Silveira, Da Silva, Augusto César and Moreira (Tobias 65'); Flecha, Fabrício (Rubiano 45') and Careca.
Coach: Rivaldo Sodré.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/lovisa.png LOVISA: Sievers; Vilgoor, Hartwig and Moreux; Sandler, Tamme (Pappanidoulis 82'), Meehan (Kremer 60') and Indgaard; Lunz, Franke and Becker (Cirillo 45').
Coach: Henryk Kasperczak.

Goals:CAF: Flecha 12' , Augusto César 58'.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cafundéu – formation for the game against SouthSuburbia: Moisés; Luizão, Alex and Elvis; Silveira, Zé Sho, Silvinho and Tobias; Flecha, Rubiano and Danilo Sampa.
Coach: Rivaldo Sodré.
Style of +1

Match’s Referee: Olden Morx (Qazox).

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

WC Goalscorers:

1- Moreira, Flecha, Augusto César

(RP about Paul Badder's death to come later, as well as Terreiro de Ogum's)

(Rockets players gather prior to the game with Hockey Canada)

McAllister: Guys, I wanna do it. Tonight.

Lewis: We all wanna do it, bud, we need to win this game. It's huge.

McAllister: No. I mean yeah, I wanna win the game. We gotta win, those hockey nuts aren't going to come into my house and take a single point. But that's not what I was actually referring to just now.

Drummond: What are you talking about then?

Brooker: I've been in Cafundeu too long, please enlighten me!

McAllister: I wanna propose to Ashley tonight. On the pitch.

(silence falls for a few moments)

McAllister: I'm not going to ask you guys this. Hey Julie, can you come here for a second?

McElroy: You're gonna pop the question?!

McAllister: I want to, Jules. Here, what do you think about this (shows Julie the engagement ring)

McElroy: Ohhhhhh myyyyy God!!! That is beauuuutiful. Jenn, you like totally have to look at this ring right now.

Drummond (whispering to Brooker): Women and rings.... I don't get it.

Brooker (whispering back): I know, at some point, don't they all look the same?

Vilardi (takes ring from McElroy): Awwwwwww I loooove it!!!! Jeremy your girlfriend is so lucky to have you.

McAllister: Ok, everyone, please no mention of this to Ashley, in case I get cold feet or something.

McElroy: She'll love the ring, and I know she loves you. It'll be great. Do it!

Drummond: Yeah man, I guess if you're gonna do it, this you should do it while your in Putnam Lake since this is your home.

Lewis: We can't have this be a distraction though.

McElroy: Kevin, stop being a cloud on his moment.

Brooker: I say do it, but after the game. First and foremost, we need to be worrying about Hockey Canada.

(Coach Carson arrives)

Carson: Good evening everyone!

Team: Good morning coach.

McAllister: Hey coach, I'm gonna propose to Ashley after the game tonight.

Carson: (pauses to comprehend what he just heard): Well congratulations.

McAllister: Thanks.

Carson: Let's have it be a day you remember for what you did on the pitch beforehand too. A game to remember before, then a moment after.

McAllister: Absolutely, coach!

Carson: Alright everyone, you know what this means. We can't have any disappointments on what will be a big day for Jeremy!

Team: Go Rockets!

Indonesian States 4 - 2 Arroza.

Report....etc....but meanwhile in a small cafe on the South Island...
"Wait, you're kidding me right? We didn't just lose to the unranked team did we?" said the attractive female, while nursing her fourth straight coffee.

"Yeah, they drilled us in amazing fashion. I guess those damn prisoners couldn't hold their own against real competition. Serves 'em right. I hope they all either leave the country or get locked up for life...throw guys like that under the jail, not on television." noted the waiter.

"Yeah that goalie Quintero's cute, though."

"Too bad about what happened to him after the game."

"What?"

"He got stomped by a bunch of the lifers on the team for letting in four goals. I told you, those guys are animals. Yeah, they broke his jaw, and roughed him up bad. He'll be good in a few weeks, but I doubt he'll ever come back to Arroza."

(Quintero - Injured, off the team, getting professional medical care in W. Penthoria, Newmanistan. Scott Buete'll play in goal for now.)

http://img85.imageshack.us/img85/7065/dailyuniversianxk5.jpg

Universitus *Not* Successful in Second World Cup Match
Prefects Fall to SFRS 3-2

Daftol (9) (1)
Nacariah (77) (1)

Daehanjeiguk "Compulson is having an off night," said Assistant Coach Dr. Bian Serlon of Calix City to Head Coach Valden-Luordes, as the third SFRS goal slipped past the Universian Captian in the 80th minute to seal the team's fate in their first loss since the Semifinal against Starblaydia in the Baptism of Fire.

"We don't expect to lose close matches like this." said Midfielder Olin Baynes, who assisted both Jevian goals today, "It's unfortunate that we could not pull this one out. We absolutely need to win these matches against teams not of the caliber of Capitalizt SLANI and Bostopia. If not against these teams, where do our points accumulate?"

Nevertheless, the Jevian Universians should not worry about their standings--at least not yet. The Prefects are still in 2nd place in Group 15, but the upcoming matches against potential World Cup champion teams are not going to assist the team in shaking off this loss.

The match was heavily offensive, with Universitus' top two offensive prodigies, Nombin Daftol from Alen and Andez Nacariah from Cias, with #1 and #2 on the back of their shirts, swept across the field with amazing speed and scored two goals, one at the beginning of the match, and one nearing the end. Though three separate defensive collapses and admittedly poor performance from team captian Williams Compulson was enough to allow SFRS to steal this match.

But the anticipated pairing of Daftol and Nacariah looks as though it will live up to expectations. "We're two players with very similar attributes--speed, agility, anticipation, and knowledge. We play very similarly, and have known each other for quite some time," said Daftol, "I'm excited to play along side my friend and look forward to scoring quite a few goals along the way."

"It is an unfortunate loss, sure," said Dr. Valden-Luordes, "but we have seen time and again that these types of instances are to occur in these tournaments. Crazier things have happened, and hopefully they will in the upcoming, tougher, matches. Maybe luck can swing in our favor."

For those stars in green, here's to hoping Coach is right.

Raeta Jaile is a reporter for The Daily Universian: the first news source for all Universians.

Thanks to Sorthern Northland

Hwang: Oh! Look at this one!

Wang: What?

Hwang: There's some alternate reality where people throw nuts at people!

Wang: That's not really interesting...

Hwang: And the Han win the World Cup!

Wang: That's still not really interesting...

Hwang: Han and Jeruselem in the final! And people have pistachio nuts, throwing them at them Dallas and Sallad girls, who are bathing in pistachio nut oil, lounging in the parade in bikinis. Except for two of them, who are completely nude.

Wang: And this is supposed to be more interesting than the other ones?

Hwang: We win the World Cup!

Wang: Don't even think about pressing that button!

Hwang: I will! *presses button*

*** Somewhere in IFA HQ ***

Staffer: Gotta these scores to the international press! *papers spontaneously explode* HOLY %$#^! They've just exploded!

Secretary: What the %$#^ just happened here? Where are the scores?

Staffer: They exploded!

Secretary: But we have to publish those scores! Tonight!

Staffer: I don't know! Try to reassemble them?

Secretary: Well... we'll have to.

* Staffer and Secretary reassemble the scores*

Staffer: There! No one will ever notice the difference.

Secretary: Are you sure that you have the right scores in the right place?

Staffer: Absolutely! And the group tables too!

Secretary: Some of those don't look right...

Staffer: I should know. I saw them before they exploded.

Secretary: Speaking of which... why did they explode in the first place?

*** Back at Control Room ***

Hwang: *fighting Wang* DON'T PRESS THE BUTTON!

Wang: We have to put things back the way we found them! *struggles*

Hwang: NO!

Wang: *presses button*

Hwang: NO!!!

*** Somewhere in IFA HQ ***

Staffer: And they just blew up...

*Papers spontaneously explode*

Secretary: GAH!

Staffer: Just like that!

Secretary: Oh dear! We'll have to reassemble them again!

Staffer: It should be easier this time... I mean, we both saw what it looked like. Right?

Secretary: Maybe. Let's just get this to the publishing room so that if it happens, we'll get the scores immediately to press.

Staffer: Right!

The news of the murder of Counselor-Minister of Education Paul Badder spread quickly. In the next day, all the newspapers and TV programs of the country were exploring the incident during all the day. Public opinion seemed mixed: some people believed that the Emperor was involved, other think that the reason of his murder could be another. Different thoughts, but the fact is that everyone was talking about what happened in the Diamond Tower of Cafundó do Juta, the place where the important politicians live.

The AEICC (Agência Especial de Investigações e Combate Cafundelense) started the investigations. Extremely competent in their job, the agents of the AEICC seemed surprised by the ability of the gunman. He could invade the building without being noticed, reached Badder's floor using the elevador, shot at him three times and still was able to escape, this without producing some big clue to the investigators. All the evidences found in the crime scene didn't seem decisive to find the gunman, and the agents would have to work hard to discover something.

It's certain that they will discover something. But this will take time, and the people of Cafundéu want a fast solution. Everybody knows this. They want to blame someone. But who?

The decision of the people of Cafundéu still isn't defined. But that's only a matter of time. And what makes things even more dramatic is that this is an election year. And not the simple election of mayors and aldermen. Not these. It's the year of the elections of the Governors, Senators, Congressmen and, what's more important, the election of the new Head Counselor. Paul Badder was one of the candidates. After all, he was one of the Counselor-Ministers. But is unlikely that someone would try to kill him to remove him from the dispute. This because Badder would probably be fired in one month by the Emperor, and the election is after four months.

In the Senate, the discussion about the death of Paul Badder started to gain importance, and the participants started to believe that it was necessary to take procedures to haste the investigations, and to find someone to give to the people as the guilty one of the murder, while the AEICC doesn't discover the truth. Some Senators, especially those with some republican dreams or those who don't like the Emperor, started to defend the idea that the Emperor Hector I (Hector Van Tocco) ordered the crime. The fact that the murderer entered and left the Diamond Tower without problems could be the proof of it. What's more, it is known that Paul Badder became one of the most dangerous enemies of the Emperor. It wouldn't be easy to face a possible anger of the population if he just fired him.

Surprisingly, the Senator that most people thought that would be going to agree with that idea... disagreed. The left-wing, socialist (although he says that he is just republican) and two times Governor of Espinal, Olivier Derrod (also known as Doutor Careca), said that the Senate couldn't select a person to blame for the murder. The one that is the biggest enemy of the Emperor didn't consider him the guilty one? Derrod didn't say that. He only said that there was no evidence of his guilt, and that he should be declared innocent until proven otherwise. It was a surprising declaration, but understandable, as Derrod acted towards the principles of fair justice.

The discussion among the Counselor-Ministers was a bit different. Nothing that the death of Paul Badder didn't deserve attention. In fact, it did deserve a lot of. Ray McKeen, the current Head Counselor, and Asano Pender, former Head Counselor and current Counselor-Minister of Finances, argued before the meeting. One saying that Hector I could be capable of ordering the murder of Badder, and other saying that the Emperor would never do such a thing. Other people entered in the argument, which ended in the matter that Albieri I (the first Emperor of the country) would never do such a thing, and that's why the people decided to embrace the monarchy.

Did someone suggest a change now?

Anyway, the most influential politicians of the whole country were together to discuss a different, but not unrelated, issue: the appointment of a new Counselor-Minister of Education. In fact, the meeting wasn't necessary, because the Emperor has the power to appoint whoever he wants for the job. But his popularity was at stake, with him being linked with the incident. He needed the support of the Counselor-Ministers and the support of the population, who would see the meeting as a sign that the Emperor hears what his assistants have to say.

22 people in the meeting:

the Emperor, Hector Van Tocco (Hector I)
the Head Counselor, Counselor-Minister of Foreign Issues Ray McKeen
the Senate head, Senator Olivier Derrod of Espinal (Doutor Careca)
the Governors head, Princess Alicia Van Tocco of Juta (daughter of the Emperor, heir to the throne)
Counselor-Minister of Production Emanuel Tarso
Counselor-Minister of City Growth Lisandro Gabes Murrieno
Counselor-Minister of Science and Technology Professor Zacarias Paixão Filho
Counselor-Minister of Communications Ana Paula Viana Jardini
Counselor-Minister of Culture José dos Campos Celso
Counselor-Minister of Defence General Lars Winnear
Counselor-Minister of Sports Erasmo Carlos Jowenguard
Counselor-Minister of Finances Asano Pender
Counselor-Minister of Project Planning Carlos Barroso Lobo
Counselor-Minister of Justice Judge Karina Splissher Andrade
Counselor-Minister of Environment Roberto Rangel Tupi
Counselor-Minister of Energy Douglas Vassouras Neto
Counselor-Minister of Taxes and Social Security Beatriz Fagundes Hessin
Counselor-Minister of Health Said Al-Jasseb
Counselor-Minister of Work Arthur Benazzi de Freitas
Counselor-Minister of Transportation Júlio César Anaquias Dorinhos
Counselor-Minister of Tourism Gabriela Lancelote
Counselor-Minister of Religious Issues Cardinal Marcos Lapaz Serset

In fact, everyone involved in the meeting knew that they were being used by the Emperor in his attempt to not lose popularity, as he is the biggest suspect of the murder of Paul Badder. Some didn't mind this fact (as most of the Counselor-Ministers and the Princess), but others were clearly upset, and tried to make the Emperor choose another person that he didn't want to choose as new Counselor-Minister of Education.

Hector I said that his preferred name would be Josiane Minter Plamonte, current Rector of the Universidade Católica Jutense, one of the most conservative and traditional universities of the country. Immediately, the Senator Olivier Derrod declared against the decision, saying that Josiane would be an old-fashioned option and would bring nothing new to the country education-wise. He said that Badder started to make great improvements in the sector, and he didn't want to see the country stopping with these advancements.

Surprisingly, the other one that expressed his disapproval with the choice was the Head Counselor, Ray McKeen. A person that seemed one of the most important and loyal allies of the Emperor, one that followed Hector Van Tocco's decisions all the time, even with the fact that he couldn't be fired in the last years, as he was the Head Counselor. Now, he can't be elected again, at least not in these elections. So, everyone was expecting him to stay quiet and support the Emperor.

But he did something that he had never done before. He disagreed with the Emperor.

What a sudden change of point of view. First, he says that the Emperor can be somewhat involved, then appoints another name for Counselor-Minister of Education: João Miguel, president of the teachers' union. The same person that Olivier Derrod wanted to see in the job. Two enemies united against the Emperor. Did even his most close allies lost their loyality due to what happened? And the others, will do the same as Ray McKeen did? At least his daughter is with him, supporting his decision.

Finally, Josiane Minter Plamonte is appointed as the new Counselor-Minister of Education. Expected.

As it is expected for the people to start reacting.

As it is expected for the AEICC to discover something.

And Bostopia holds the lead against Terreiro de Ogum, but it is a short one: only one goal separates the two teams, and anything can happen. There is thirty minutes for the end of the game. Bostopia seems safe in defending, and Terreiro de Ogum will have to fight a lot to score...

(in the bench, the coach talks)

BLIND MAGICIAN - "So be it... we don't receive help from the orixás anymore, at least not on the field. Our players are fighting to hold this result, Mestre Kacet has just cleared a ball over the line. Number zero, you'll enter. If you're what you claim you are, we'll need your thirty minutes of divine power right now. Show us what the orixás can make in a football field. Show them what the spiritual power can do."

ILUMINADO - "I'll do it. The orixás will guide me to do my work. If they decide that we are going to win, then we will."

(Iluminado substitutes Tramóia in the game)

TRAMÓIA - "Do you really think you did the right move, boss? I was ready to make a move to score a goal."

BLIND MAGICIAN - "It's time to use our spirits, not our minds, Tramóia. The orixás will decide what's best."

(five minutes pass)

RAINHA - "I can't deny that he is playing well... but still no goals. If he has the power that he claims, he should have scored... all the orixás strengthen him, he must score."

BLIND MAGICIAN - "All in its right time, Queen. He is playing much better than any of our players right now, surely he is gifted. You can see that Bostopia isn't dominating the game like before. Soon we will start playing better than them."

PAI ÁFRICA - "And, after all, he can't play alone. The other players must help him, and they aren't playing so well. Guaxinim is having a bad performance..."

BLIND MAGICIAN - "Yes, the Cobrador will enter in his place."

COBRADOR - "Okay, teacher."

(ten minutes pass after the second substitution)

BLIND MAGICIAN - "I'm making the last move: Bicho Grilo will leave, and you'll enter, master África."

PAI ÁFRICA - "You want to put some spiritual power in this team? I can feel what the orixás are asking: confidence. The Iluminado represents them, he represents all the orixás, he is helping us. But we need to have faith on him, which means faith on the orixás. We must unite our ability with our faith to be successful. If we are able to do our best to create chances to Iluminado, we can recover ourselves."

BLIND MAGICIAN - "If you say so, master, tell this to them."

PAI ÁFRICA - "I will."

(3 minutes after)

Cobrador takes the ball from an opponent in the left wing... excellent pass to Mestre Kacet, he dribbles an opponent, passes to Iluminado... what is he doing? He dribbles one, two, three players, the goalkeeper... he scores! Goal for Terreiro de Ogum! A mighty, supernatural goal by Iluminado!

BLIND MAGICIAN - "Divine. Gifted. This is truly spiritual power, the power from the orixás."

(10 minutes after)

Bostopia can't attack well anymore, and starts defending! Terreiro de Ogum seems much better now, can score again... a defender clears the danger, the ball is in the midfield, Iluminado shoots it behind the middle of the field... it hits the bar! Impressive!

(time passes... and the game ends)

MESTRE KACET - "Excellent result, a draw against Bostopia."

PAI BERTO - "Yes - (looks at Iluminado) - the orixás are with us again."

"I told you blancmanges can't play football, Juan..."

"It's just a temporary hiccough old friend, and besides, they haven't really lost a match yet."

"According to the table they have - a loss to Milchama, and a draw with, would you believe it, 'Bearbears'. That's not a good start, and when I was in charge of the Starblaydi national side, we wouldn't have put up with it. The blancmanges have to go.'

"The Milchama result was technically a forfeit awarded as a 3-0 result to the opposition, Simeone, not an actual loss; on the field of play, we only have the one disappointing draw."

"Forfeit or not, one point after two matches simply isn't good enough. And just why did we forfeit that Milchama game anyway?"

"The Holy Empire Football Association protested - not unreasonably - that the Silversun Pickups weren't a single person, and that even if they did tie their legs together, Milchama were still proposing to start the match with more than 11 players."

"And that protest failed because?"

"Because Milchama pointed out that, with a vegetables, fruit, and pictures of former stars on the squad, technically they had fewer than eleven sentient players on the pitch even if you counted the Silversun Pickups individually."

"That's insane, Juan."

"Insane?"

"We forfeited a match because our sentient blancmanges refused to play against a squad with more than 11 individuals on the pitch, but our protest failed because the opposition was fielding tomatoes, bananas and pictures."

"That's about the size of it."

"Does this sort of thing happen a lot around here?"

"Pretty much, old friend."

"Will I ever get used to it?"

"I hope so."

"The Bearbears result was still pretty crap, though, wasn't it, Juan?"

"Yes - but look on the bright side!"

"What's that?"

"We're still doing better than the Archregimancy!"

New Vonkian Stadium Showcases Worst-Ever Thrashing

By Gordon Bourdon, who apologises for the brevity of the report and the probable non-existence of any newspaper coverage of the upcoming important Dennisov game due to a need to go to a party instead of writing.

The Vonkian National Stadium opened its gates for the first time on Thursday night - metaphorically, at least, although in reality a technical problem made it impossible for the gates to be literally opened. It seems that well-meaning fans had painted the bright red gates an ugly combination of green, gold, blue and white in an attempt to please visiting Bettian fans, and the heavy application of paints had dried and stuck the gates together permanently.

Ladders were provided, and the spectators - a capacity crowd of 6,000 - were able to watch the game. Indeed, they were forced to watch the entire game, as VFA representatives had hidden the ladders in order to prevent disappointed Vonkian supporters from leaving early and "giving the rest of the world a bad impression".

Fans were disappointed by the way the Aroras, dressed in blue and white and politely averting their eyes from the red-clad Squirrels, ran rings around a lacklustre Vonkian team, showing class and skill undreamed-of before now in Vonks. The two-time World Champions were four goals ahead after twenty minutes, following which (displaying the niceness for which they are world-famous) they refrained from mounting any serious attacks, even occasionally passing the ball to Vonkian players to allow them a chance to kick it and keep the home fans happy.

However, Vonks supporters, as evidenced by their chants of "What a load of rubbish!" and "For God's sake, give us the ladders so we can leave!" were less than happy with the team's performance - a solitary strike by Xiaoshan Gao, parried by Hassan bin Jaffar, being the only time Vonks threatened to score.

"It's not my fault," manager Vasko Vaskoveyvanitsch asserted after the game. "I am great, but Bettia have three managers, so of course they scored three goals. And another goal. If there were three Vaskos, Vonks would be three times as good, but there is only one Vasko, and three Busilantas equal maybe one and a half Vaskos. It is sad."

Referring to the protests about the Vonkian red-squirrel-fur kit and the planned deforestation/black-squirrel-encouragement programme (currently postponed due to heavy rain), VFA seamstress Poppy Alhambra asserted "I'd make the shirts a different colour if we only had different coloured squirrels. I'd love to get my hands on the blue and white squirrels they make the Bettia kit from. Maybe I'd keep one as a pet, it'd be pretty. I'd call it Pippa."

At an army recruitment centre in Jeruselem ...

Recruiter: Hello young lady, why are you doing here?
Girl: I was just inquiring about where I could work in the army.
Recruiter: Can you carry heavy loads?
Girl: No, only when I'm shopping but not the back.

Recruiter: Well, you're no good being a grunt then. How about your skills with cars.
Girl: I can't fix cars. Hopeless.
Recruiter: What about your computer skills?
Girl: I'm good with consoles but fixing them is scary.

Recruiter: Well, what about your driving skills?
Girl: I drive people crazy, but I'm not the best driver around.
Recruiter: So you want to join the army, but can't do anything.
Girl: I must be useful somewhere. Look at Sadie Dallas in Jeru FC.

Recruiter: Yes, she's hopeless at most things to except looking good, talking rubbish and sleeping with everyone. OK, she can play football but she's a Dallas - you aren't.
Girl: Any hope for me?
Recruiter: Well, we need call centre people.
Girl: Yeah?

Recruiter: You have to some training but you spend to time answering phones and not getting shot at.
Girl: Hey, I like talking. Sounds good.
Recruiter: Why do want to join the army?
Girl: I need the money. All the other girls keep getting jobs I want.

Recruiter: Can you play football?
Girl: Me? I've never tried but if Sadie can do it, I'll try.
Recruiter: Now what's your name young lady?
Girl: Kitty

Recruiter: Your full name, not the first name.
Girl: Err, Kitty Anne Stickus
Recruiter: Stickus, you're not related to that Jeru FC football player? The one that knocked up Dazza Dallas and created Jacinta?
Girl: Yeah, that's my Dad.

Recruiter: How about we put you in the PR section.
Girl: Public relations?
Recruiter: Well, most army women I meet aren't the best looking around. I think they need a few bimbos in the PR section to get more men in.
Girl: Sounds good.

Recruiter: Just fill this form in.
Girl: I'm not a full adult.
Recruiter: Well, get your Dad to sign that bit.
Girl: Yeah thanks.

Kenavt Has a Point

No. 25 versus No. 158 and a Tie?

Poiuytrewq-The Kenavt Federation of Soccer's team in World Cup 41 just tied the 25th overall in the world, United Capitalizt States-Jae something! This is the best game for the Confederacy yet. Led by Connor da Vincho, who scored in the 86th minute to tie the game (http://youtube.com/watch?v=fpPkG-eLg8k&feature=related), the Kenavt front line was actually pretty ineffectual. It's just that the defenders like Taranto and keeper Ike stood up. This was a great game for the KFS team, and we hope to see them do even better on Game Day 4!

Schedule:

Record: 0-1-1

MD1: Kiryu-shi 2 Kenavt 0
MD2: Kenavt 1 CH JSY 1
MD3: Kenavt at Demot
MD4: The Islands of Qutar at Kenavt
MD5: Kansiov at Kenavt
MD6: Kenavt at Kiryu-shi
MD7: CH JSY at Kenavt
MD8: Demot at Kenavt
MD9: Kenavt at the Islands of Qutar
MD10: Kenavt at Kansiov

Jeruselem Government News

Flak Sho's grandparents die in house fire

The last generation of the Jeruselem's new Sho family in Ariddia died in house fire today. With the rest of the settled in Jeruselem, it ends the family's line in Ariddia. Both of Flak Sho's grandparents died in a house fire, and the home was destroyed. Ariddian authorities attributed the fire to a gas leak from a faulty seal. Pretty much nothing was left the home. The Shos from Jeruselem will attend the funeral as well as Jeruselem Ambassador to Ariddia.

Flak Sho will miss the Jeruselem home game against Southern Northland at Dazza Dallas Stadium. It also means his wife Princess Jacinta Sasha Dallas will also miss the game but Lady Dazzarina Handiskya Dallas and Princess Marie-Antoinette Dallas will be at the game.

Flak Sho didn't want too much fuss over the matter, preferring the matter be a quiet one saying
"I thank my fans for the sympathy given but the Shos as a family will need to manage the whole matter. Since I married a Dallas, they are providing support too as they know about loss too with the death of Natasha Dallas. Jacinta lost a grandmother, and so have I. My parents are keen on having their own grandkids now. Although, they don't like my choice of wife - they understand Jacinta is also a family person. I'll be back for the team. I'm not letting this stop me playing. My grandparents were people took care of themselves and hence they want us to take care of ourselves too despite their loss."

Jeruselem's Jewish members of the World Cup team vowed to play for the memory of Flak Sho's grandparents, with Kara Kool saying
"We'll be at our best. We played badly against Taeshan but we're playing for the nation and for Flak Sho. He's such a nice guy and while his wife is a bit crazy, he's got a big future. I'm sure he's going to be stronger person and hence better player because of it. The team is like a big family here. Disfunctional at times but still family."

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Sheridan and Jeruselem officials to sit down at round table as nut crises looms.

Jimmy Sheridan and top ranking officials are set to welcome Jeruselemite Princess Marie-Antoinette Dallas and officials from her nation to The Beningrad Arms (Ale Drinker's pub of the year for the Beningrad region) for discussions at a round table with a pint of bitter in one hand and a pack of pork scratchings in the other (kosher snacks reportedly available for Jewish participants). The government has described the talks as, "a discussion into security concerns relating to the upcoming football matches between the teams both in Jeruselem and here in Beningrad and other matters which may or may not include the purchase of a number of Buddha statues."

The talks are believed to have come about due to an offer from Jeruselem to sit down and have a chat about what's on tele, the game last night, where people are going on holiday, that new hairdo. Oh and something about trying to resolve recent conflicts or something but we here at L'internationale are sure that's not really important or the main focus of the discussion.

Speaking about the discussions earlier today President Jimmy Sheridan said, "Kitty Dallas phoned up earlier today and said Jeruselem would like to offer an olive branch. I was really excited and said yes because I really like olives, so I handed her over to my people to set a time and date and went off looking for a suitable place for an olive tree to grow. I found quite a few places and was really excited about it all, and was really looking forward to putting the olive tree cutting in my garden and seeing it blossom into a fully fruiting tree. As it turns out though, it's merely a term used to symbolise peace or good will. Although that can be shown through the presenting of an actual olive branch so you never now."

When asked upon rumours that the Dallas clan have pushed for the talks in an attempt to stop Sorthern fans throwing nuts at members of the Dallas and Sallad families at the upcoming World Cup Qualifier, Sheridan said, "As I understand it they do have some concerns at the whole pistachio nut campaign. I'm not sure if they're worried whether someone will get hurt or something but I'm not looking to end it, as I think it's a great idea, although we will look at any concerns the Jeruselem authorities may have. We don't mean it as a form of abuse or aggression or anything like that you know? It's merely just a bit of harmless fun, hopefully yo get some atmosphere in the crowd, you know it's a sort of theme day thing. Some teams have inflatable days, we're having a throw pistachios and other assorted pub snacks at a Dallas day." When asked why they didn't just have an inflatables day Sheridan replied, "Well, it's already been done ain't it? Let's push the boat out a bit, expand our horizons and try something a little different, maybe it will work, maybe it won't, but let's at least try it and have a bit of fun doing so."

If you ask us here at L'internationale for our opinion and you probably haven't but we're going to tell you anyway just because we can (so NUH!) then we're bloody glad that our President hasn't told fans to not stop the campaign. Mainly because we've already paid for 2,000 fans to go to the game in Jeruselem with a large quantity of pistachios and as plenty of other fans, many of whom have compensated for not being able to get pistachios by taking pork scratchings and other pub snacks have also headed to Jeruselem and are already on the lookout for a Dallas or Sallad.

Meanwhile nut growers around Sorthern Northland are warning that a shortage of nuts may well be upon us unless consumers drastically reduce the demand for pistachio nuts immediately. One nut grower said, "The demand has been so high for pistachios recently that cultivation of nearly all other nut types has almost entirely stopped and pistachios are being sold quicker than we can grow them. Quite simply the demand is far higher than the supply. Unless the government rations pistachios very soon I think it's very likely the country will run out of nuts and will be amidst a nut crises." This announcement has led to hundreds of thousands of people raiding their local supermarkets as they panic buy pistachio nuts in an effort to make sure they are equipped enough for both games against Jeruselem. We have no idea what will happen should the said crises come upon us but just to be on the safe side we are building our very own nuclear bunker and supplying it as best as possible as we believe a nut shortage will lead to a five year nuclear winter.

More on any story worth reporting if we're not stuck in the bunker soon.

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Capitalizt SLANI make KaMaRians think just that

The etymology of the term Slani is somewhat unclear but linguists assume it comes from the ehila~oan term 'sisla'ni' meaning 'curses' or 'black magic'. An alternative interpretation is that it used to be a term for the jusanan invaders against whom the Rejistanian tribes fought for independence and unity. They base this on the fact that 'sl' is not a native phoneme in most rejistani languages while English employs it rather often (even though they use a voiceless s for it). Yes, there is an actual debate about this, I am not making this up just to create an interesting introduction, it really exists.

The CapitaliZt SLANI is only very indirectly related to them and only in so far as most of them seem to belong to the race, which might have had the name once. Still the match made the KaMaRians, Rejistanians and other fans of the KaMaRi national team probably think of 'slani!' in its comtemporary meaning since the City lost 1:2.

The KaMaRian team played in a formation you would expect once you accept the fact that Inik Y nominated Siki Amu, as many other people said 'against better knowledge'. Of course the young player, who plays in a team which just promoted to the second league of KaMaRi started. The KaMaRi team had a good start but often, they were too unorganized in the build-up. The SLANI had several good chances and it was visible that they were by far the better team. Inik Y often shouts mild insults when bad things happen and this match, he had some chance for it since often Lady Luck (who is said to have the first name Margaret) was the best player on the KaMaRian side. despite this, the first goal of the capitalizts seemed to be caused by a bad decision of the referee: In the 48th minute, he saw a foul of Lyku Kansu-I Hetarim which probably was just a normal attempt to re-gain the ball from Tillner'he. The resulting free-kick by Ida Armstrong was unreachable for goalkeeper Alik Hana. ʼIm Sa-mi later extended the lead of the capitalizt team after some confusion in the KaMaRian defense. Inik Y commented this scoreline with a long string of expletives, which revived the tradition of bleeping out in soccer matches. In the additional time of the match, the Citizens (please help us establishing this term instead of Kaskadas) used an unexpected late attack to reduce their trailing. With just seconds to go, the Citizens hetakied and the adequately named player Hilat Takil somehow got the ball past the Capitalizt goalie Ha Sun-ji.

Inik Y later again confused journalists of other newspapers by his sometimes a bit incoherent comments interspersed with a lot of minokatetian expressions. One unintentional highlight of the interview was: "They say, much ajkera, much estvihli, we estavili same way, but went riva too much to compete fairly." We can only guess what it means, but one guess is that fairly was a mistranslation of the minokajetian term etemi, which can mean both successfull and ethical.