NationStates Jolt Archive

http://i292.photobucket.com/albums/mm1/Starblayde/WC40/XL.jpg

GROUP DRAW
GROUP ONE
26 Daehanjeiguk (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13548947&postcount=21)
167 Engbec
61 Magnus Valerius (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13574669&postcount=57)
59 Jariss (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13565059&postcount=51)
154 Sarejavo
16 Casari (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13552817&postcount=30)

GROUP TWO
160 Krasslor
73 Gweridijongya
52 Dancougar (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13550415&postcount=26)
8 Cafundéu (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13545860&postcount=6)
17 Quakmybush
173 Hopeful SC (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13568287&postcount=52)

GROUP THREE
88 East Antairees
38 Lovisa
7 Bettia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13547427&postcount=15)
106 Septentrionia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13574018&postcount=56)
22 Candelaria And Marquez (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13547678&postcount=19)
173 NS Illegal Immigrants

GROUP FOUR
5 Squornshelous (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13560340&postcount=42)
162 Diojiu
173 Kolanderaz
32 The Archregimancy (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13560688&postcount=43)
62 Beer Served Here
49 The Pazhujeb Islands (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13569484&postcount=53)

GROUP FIVE
24 Bostopia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13549968&postcount=24)
64 Blouman Empire (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13553988&postcount=34)
157 Agroprom
3 Valanora (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13545165&postcount=4)
58 Solenial
173 Prazkoy (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13549049&postcount=22)

GROUP SIX
53 KaMaRi (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13572176&postcount=54) (formerly Rejistania)
173 Legalese
9 Tynelia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13549706&postcount=23)
103 Wijaska Island
21 Bazalonia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13561342&postcount=45)
85 Kose and the Turkomans (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13555372&postcount=36)

GROUP SEVEN
25 Vephrall (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13546443&postcount=9)
10 Zwangzug (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13545092&postcount=3)
76 Uiri
109 Pantocratoria (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13564436&postcount=50)
50 Yafalonia and Bazor 2 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13561413&postcount=46)
173 Lethislavania

GROUP EIGHT
34 Dance 2 Revolution
13 Jeruselem (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13553336&postcount=33)
28 Novapsolu
169 Abaio
102 Sesquipedalianist
94 Kalmykstan

GROUP NINE
14 Ad’ihan (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13557242&postcount=41)
19 Wentland
42 Prux (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13546474&postcount=10)
63 Kiryu-shi
173 Hryvina
115 Ruskastan

GROUP TEN
142 Aqua Teen Hungerland
173 Kereca (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13561203&postcount=44)
20 Yafor 2 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13550419&postcount=27)
15 Northern Bettia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13554388&postcount=35)
43 Taeshan (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13545219&postcount=5)
72 Fujisawan Territories (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13562662&postcount=49)

GROUP ELEVEN
29 Kura-Pelland (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13547262&postcount=14)
81 Newmanistan (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13556639&postcount=40)
111 Eighthgraderistan (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13546501&postcount=12)
48 Kelssek (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13575853&postcount=59)
2 Milchama (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13549997&postcount=25)
173 Lithima

GROUP TWELVE
12 Sel Appa (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13553284&postcount=32)
18 The Holy Empire (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13561889&postcount=47)
57 Nire and Nire
68 Acapais (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13551336&postcount=29)
154 New Cimeran (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13517473&postcount=79)
162 The Daleks 2

GROUP THIRTEEN
41 Scotchpinestan
97 Nethertopia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13544662&postcount=2)
6 Az-cz (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13574017&postcount=55)
31 Qazox (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13546344&postcount=8)
60 Green wombat (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13546485&postcount=11)
173 Iansisle

GROUP FOURTEEN
75 Naboombu Umbongo
33 Jasīʼyūn (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13547641&postcount=18)
10 Demot (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13555455&postcount=37)
151 Aleos (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13555926&postcount=38)
55 Hopeless SC (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13546766&postcount=13)
173 Okuni

GROUP FIFTEEN
1 Capitalizt SLANI (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13547637&postcount=17)
124 Kosovoe (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13548809&postcount=20)
91 Terreiro de Ogum (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13545872&postcount=7)
39 Jeru FC (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13553234&postcount=31)
173 Rennidan (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13550602&postcount=28)
27 Sorthern Northland (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13562606&postcount=48)

OTHER
Krytenia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13575155&postcount=58)

GROUP SCHEDULE
Pre-Qualifying Friendlies
Matchday 1: 1v2, 3v4, 5v6
Matchday 2: 1v3 5v2 6v4
Matchday 3: 3v5 4v1 2v6
Matchday 4: 2v4 6v3 5v1
Matchday 5: 1v6 3v2 4v5
Mid-Qualifying Friendlies
Matchday 6: 2v1, 4v3, 6v5
Matchday 7: 3v1 2v5 4v6
Matchday 8: 5v3 1v4 6v2
Matchday 9: 4v2 3v6 1v5
Matchday 10: 6v1 2v3 5v4
Play-offs & Post-Qualifying Friendlies


Useful Links:
World Cup 40 Sign-up Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=549190)
World Cup 40 Referee Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=551016)
World Cup 40 Pre-Cup RP Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=552078)
World Cup 40 Squad/Roster Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=552313)
World Cup 40 Scores Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=552798)
Baptism of Fire Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=551165)
World Cup Discussion Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=536285)

And so the World Cup 40 qualification draw is complete and now fans are asking one question... where do we go from here?

The bizarro qualification format - group winners through, next two join uber-playoffs - is not in Kura-Pelland's favour at all, or of course it might be if they come third and then qualify. Two through and not a lot else would make slightly more sense, although it'd be a damned sight more predictable. You can't accuse these hosts of being too bound by tradition, that's for sure; the format was last used as far back as WC29, when Kura-Pelland didn't exist.

They do now alright, and have got a draw that basically suggests that the first ten games of qualifying will be moot unless something spectacular happens. With WC39 beaten finalists Milchama above, and the ice-cool Kelssek the only remote threat below (Newmanistan, Generic Newbieistan and Eighthgraderistan complete the group), a playoff finish is all but inked in already. Expect more young players to be used, then, particularly Norbert Fiero, Bo Phelps and Liam Marling. The cool-headed veteran Fedde Beattis might come in handy to help this lot out if the going gets tough of course, but really this bit is just a fight for KPB points. Barring a miracle or a catastrophe, Kura-Pelland's qualification fate will come down to two games.

Deep in their heart, fans are concealing things that they're longing to say. They're scared to confess what they're feeling about this format - because the moralistic conservative movement is thriving at present and expletives are rather frowned upon.

It's another World Cup theme! Last time I quoted from Wicked, this time I'm doing a whistlestop tour of the Andrew Lloyd-Webber canon. Each RP will have quotes from one Lloyd-Webber song - TG me the name of the song and the musical it's from for a chance to win a mid-qualification friendly. Two correct entries between now and MD5 required.

Today the 15 groups for the 4oth world cup were announced, and the mighty purple knights find themselves in a tough group. Th knights find themselves grouped up with two teams who are likely to take the qualifying spots in group ten. Those teams are #15 North Bettia, and the Yafor 2 bug team. The knight's have never met either team on a soccer pitch, but the Yaforite team is ko stranger. The two teams meet in a big baseball game in a few days. Well anyway the schedule for this cup will be hectic with buys, and nuetrals, but the knights are confident they can make a substantial qualifying run.
The other teams in group ten is a familar team from the u 21 cup the Fujisiwan Teritories who knocked the knights out of the Di Brandini cup. The final two teams in the field are the puppets of Aqua Teen hungerland, and a young team from the land of Kereca. Expect these games to be easy food for the veteran Tae team.
By Some Hot Chick

Predictions
Yafor 2 and North bettia will qualify

World Cup 40 Qualifiers
PQF: HAN --- ESF (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD1: HAN(26) --- (167)ENG (@ Oromokojei Football Stadium, Oromokjei)
MD2: HAN(26) --- (61)MGV (@ Sanghae National Football Stadium, Sanghae)
MD3: JAR(59) --- (26)HAN
MD4: SJV(154) --- (26)HAN
MD5: HAN(26) --- (16)CAS (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MQF: TBD
MD6: ENG(167) --- (26)HAN
MD7: MGV(61) --- (26)HAN
MD8: HAN(26) --- (59)JAR (@ Munhwa Football Stadium, Hanseong)
MD9: HAN(26) --- (154)SJV (@ King Kim Iljei Memorial Football Stadium, Malnira)
MD10: CAS(16) --- (26)HAN

And another wonderful broadcast brought to you by the renovated MBC International!

Some highlights for the Imperial Squad - the new Head Coach Ioshido Toki (吉田土岐先教练|요시다토기선훈련) arrived some time ago in the Han Empire from Cafundeu. His task remains a daunting task for any average person, but luck may yet favor him. This year's World Cup seems to have put the Han into a "easy" group - with the nearest competition for the vaunted 2nd qualifying position (maybe - with this new playoff thingy) being over 30 points down ladder. Ioshido was quick to play down this - "We've seen in International Sports how ranks can make a difference. But we still need tot play each game with heart. Otherwise, even the lowest team can upset our chances. I have high expectations, and I do expect to win every match. I don't think it's unreasonable to expect that, but it is going to be hard work, because the other teams are going to be trying desperately to get into the World Cup too. And then we have a surprise package from Casari, the top seed in our group. I think the Han good experience to beat them, but it is going to take a lot of hard work. Hard work and dedication will get us through the qualifiers."

(Cafundeu: Is "Toki" the last name, or "Ioshido"? I prefer last names, and if Ioshido is the last name, I need to fix his name... --- FIXED)

Toki's first task will be a potential pre-qualifier match against number 3 seed Valanora. Despite the numerous opportunities to play against Valanora, the Han have yet to score a win against them, coming close with a draw in the OFC recently. And while no one expects them to win, Ioshido's players will have to play hard to get a good result from the game. We'll bring you the latest when it comes.

***evil grin as RP is primed for play***

Kara: Hello! This is Kara Kool from THE FOOTBALL LIFE!
Kate: I'm Kate Sallad! Yes, Kate Sallad not Kate Dallas. That's S-A-L-L-A-D
Kara: As far as I'm concerned, she is just another Kate Dallas.
Kate: Even worse, I'm single!

Kara: Yes, she was trying hit on my man last party.
Kate: I didn't know she was your man.
Kara: Well, he likes redheads.
Kate: Anyway, the World Cup XL draw has been done.

Kara: For those who don't know Roman numerals, XL is 40.
Kate: I think this is going to be an XL-lent cup!
Kara: Yes, the bad jokes are back.
kate: It wasn't that bad!

Kara: Anyway, Jeruselem was draw to group eight and Jeru FC got group fifteen. Yes, fifteen groups of six in this World Cup.
Kate: Group 8 will be pain as well, most teams have names longer than 8 characters.
Kara: Yes, but we can spell most of those except one of them.
Kate: Top seed in Group 8 is ... the Princesses aka Jeruselem. Number 13, lucky 13.

Kara: Novapsolu are 2nd best seed here, ranked at 28. Good team.
Kate: Hey lookee, the dancing people are back. Dance 2 Revolution are ranked 34th and look like the big threat to us and Novapsolu.
Kara: OK, the top 3 are pretty good here ... all top 40. The bottom 3 are next.
Kate: Kalmykstan come in ranked at a whooping 94

Kara: And then at 102, a team from ... err ... how do you say that name?
Kate: You mean Sesquipedalianist?
Kara: How did you manage that, Kate was good that stupid names.
Kate: I might be a Dallas in a disguise.

Kara: You might, and at rank 169 ... the team with the shortest name in the group.
Kate: Yes, Abaio ... 5 characters. Ruined the whole naming thing.
Kara: That's it. We fully expect the Jeruselem to battle it out with the dancing folk and Novapsolu.
Kate: Jeruselem almost qualified in World Cup 13 I think but the D2R ruined it for us.

Kara: Jeru FC, the Cup of Harmony champs are back! The sort of people who like to grope Kate Sallad.
Kate: They like their Sallad bowls.
Kara: Oh dear, I can see bad food jokes from this girl.
Kate: Yummy Sallad, yummy Dallas.

Kara: Right, Group 15 ... includes top team the Capitalist SLANI.
Kate: Number one, they are. Jeru FC are only 39th as third best seed here.
Kara: Unfortunately, Sorthern Northland are here too ... ranked 27th.
Kate: Jeru FC and Sorthern Northland love their wine, women and song.

Kara: The other teams. Terreiro de Ogum ranked 91, one of team with a really long and stupid name.
Kate: Kosovoe at 124, the people with bestest RPs in the world.
Kara: And Rennidan, ranked 173.
Kate: I reckon our boys can qualify

Kara: I think the Northlanders might be too good in the end.
Kate: I'm going to put money on that!
Kara: You want a bet then?
Kate: OK, if Jeru FC qualify ... I get the dosh.

Kara: How much?
Kate: 100 shekels from you and me.
Kara: OK, you're on there Kate.
Kate: Go Jeru FC!

Kara: That's it from me and Kate Dallas ... bloody hell
Kate: Sallad, not Dallas. But hey, call me Kate!
Kara: You and your sister ...
Kate: Jacinta isn't Jewish Kara.

OOC

GROUP EIGHT
34 Dance 2 Revolution
13 Jeruselem
28 Novapsolu
169 Abaio
102 Sesquipedalianist
94 Kalmykstan


GROUP FIFTEEN
1 Capitalizt SLANI
124 Kosovoe
91 Terreiro de Ogum
39 Jeru FC
173 Rennidan
27 Sorthern Northland

http://i235.photobucket.com/albums/ee49/sesquipedalianist/beiginishuh8.jpg?t=1206667688


New Stadium for World Cup Qualifiers

Yes that’s right there’s going to be a new stadium for The Motley Assorted Kingdom of Sesquipedalianist and their Sober Exiles team for the forthcoming World Cup qualifiers due to start soon! The government and the Querkis Maximus Bambagasgoni himself was involved with the proposed deal and with the talks with officials from the island nation of Beiginis who is near Sesquipedalianist in locality in the region of Indifference. The stadium will be funded entirely by the nation of Sesquipedalianist but will be maintained by Beiginis as well as co-owned.

The need for a stadium outside of The Kingdon of Sesquipedalianist arose after the dilemma of the footballer players not being allowed to re-enter the country after becoming ‘exiled’ for becoming Sober. Also an investigation by unknown officials from the World Cup host uncovered that the state of the stadiums in Sesquipedalianist were really only good for...well…llama grazing.

Critics have come out and said that it is not practical to build a stadium on such a precarious location but Stadium Dudes have assured everyone that it will be safe and stable. Information released shows that it will be a double tier stadium holding a capacity of 20,000 people. Main transport to the stadium at the moment will be by mass ferry however talks are in place regarding whether or not it is feasible to build a causeway across the ocean.

The national side has raeleased a comment saying it is pleased to have its own stadium and that they hope to train there as well and that they hope many fans come on matchday to follow their country and make the stadium atmosphere a good one.

(to Dae: the coach's last name is Ioshido)

CCFM'S SELECTED SQUAD FOR LEAGUE TEAM

The CCFM selected 23 players to play against Yafor 2 representing the Cafundelense team. They are:

Style: +4.5 (will be sent to hosts by TG)

Format: No- Name (Home Country; Team)

Goalkeepers:

1- Jarl KNUDSEN (Ariddia; Khalmar-Tijhus)
12- MOISÉS (Cafundéu; Ranca Toco)

Defenders in General:
(Nilan Bahsir was selected, but will play for Yafor 2 instead)

2- Leandro VITAL (Cafundéu; Ranca Toco)
3- Thomas WHITECROFT (Bettia; A.F.F.)
4- SOUZA (Cafundéu; Ranca Toco)
13- AUGUSTO CÉSAR (Cafundéu; A.F.F.)
14- James WILLIAMS (Kura-Pelland; Clube Imperial)
22- David ALIGON (Valanora; Cafundó do Juta)

Midfielders in General:

5- Cruril SONGSTEEL (Demot; Dunboor FC)
6- Viggo HAAKANA (Squornshelous; Petardos S/A)
8- Eddie BARNES (Zwangzug; Dunboor FC)
10- Roberto DA SILVA (Cafundéu; Clube Imperial)
11- Laborious HAWK (Valanora; Petardos S/A)
15- O'Sullivan CARAS (Candelaria And Marquez; Clube Imperial)
16- Song JONGGUK (Daehanjeiguk; Dunboor FC)
19- Caj ILMARI (Squornshelous; Cafundó do Juta)
20- Henrique SILVEIRA (Cafundéu; A.F.F.)
21- MARCELINHO (Cafundéu; Galáxia)

Attackers:

7- Migelo LUISO (Capitalizt SLANI; Dunboor FC)
9- FLECHA (Cafundéu; Cafundó do Juta)
17- Lennie NEWTON (Wentland; Petardos S/A)
18- Karl GEPARDO (Sel Appa; Ranca Toco)
23- SAULO (Cafundéu; Clube Imperial)

Coach: Rivaldo Sodré (Cafundéu; Khalmar-Tijhus)

Formation: 3-5-2
Style: +4.5

Starting Line-up:

-------------------------Knudsen-------------------------
----------Vital----------Whitecroft----------Souza--------
-------------------------Songsteel-----------------------
-----Barnes---------------------------------Da Silva------
----------------Hawk---------------Haakana--------------
---------------------Flecha-----Luiso---------------------

THE ROCKET REPORT

GROUP DRAW SET; EMPIRE PREPARES FOR FRIENDLIES

Pocono City, Newmanistan- Today, the World Cup Committee held the official group draw for World Cup XL, as I’m sure you have heard by now. Newmanistan has been drawn into Group 11, along with Milchama (2), Kura-Pelland (29), Kelssek (48), Eighthgraderistan (111), and Lithima (173). The Rockets 81st ranking means that we shouldn’t be all gloom and doom about their fate. It’s actually a pretty favorable draw for the Empire, favorable, if your eyes are set on the Cup of Harmony. If they aren’t set there, get them there immediately.

No, the important game for the Rockets isn’t against Milchama. Sure, we’d all love to upset WC 39's runner up. Nor is it against Kura-Pelland, who also has high aspirations. Not at all. Newmanistan’s key is to get 12 points, at least. Four wins. Two against Eighthgraderistan, and two against Lithima. Winning the games we can win will need to be our focus. Perhaps, Newmanistan can steal a point away from Kelssek, we’ll have to wait and see. Should the Rockets get 12 points, then they should be able to advance to the Cup of Harmony.

More coverage of the group draw will follow, but first, Newmanistan prepares for two pre-qualifying friendly matches, one that will see them travel to the Fujisawan Territories for a game, and then the pre-qualifying highlight of Starblaydia coming to Newmanistan to play in Pocono City. The Fujisawan Territories match was arranged after the Di Bradini Cup, after the Rockets defeated the Territories for that championship. That final, between two underdogs going into the tournament built some respect between the nations, and the desire to have the team’s senior sides go head to head.

Finally, as we all know by now, Starblaydia will be appearing here for a friendly in Pocono City, a match that sold out within six hours. The invitation was presented to Starblaydia as a way of thanking their great nation for their wonderful hospitality during the Di Bradini Cup and the Baptism of Fire, and at the same time giving them a decent tune up, but one they should win, for their own World Cup qualifying efforts as the atmosphere at Pocono City Stadium will certainly provide a World Cup quality atmosphere for them.

Here is a look at the Rockets schedule:
Friendly 1: Newmanistan at Fujisawan Territories
Friendly 2: Newmanistan vs Starblaydia at Pocono City Stadium
MD1: Newmanistan at Kura-Pelland
MD2: Newmanistan at Milchama
MD3: Newmanistan vs Lithima at Olympia Field
MD4: Newmanistan vs Kelssek at Loudon Stadium
MD5: Newmanistan at Eighthgraderistan
MD6: Newmanistan vs Kura-Pelland at Tundra Falls Proving Grounds
MD7: Newmanistan vs Milchama at Pocono City Stadium
MD8: Newmanistan at Lithima
MD9: Newmanistan at Kelssek
MD10: Newmanistan vs Eighthgraderistan at Putnam Lake Stadium

"This is terrible, the world cup draw has happened, the first game will be soon and we haven't even got our team finalised yet! What's going on?"

"Well, Joshua Hampstead has had an accidently apparently his brakes got loose or something and he crashed."

"Didn't he just have his car serviced?"

"Yeah, his medical insurers suing the mechanic for dodgy repairs. Who knows how long he'll be out for, perhaps the entire A-League Season."

"Damnit, well, This'll give a chance for some other teams to have a chance at the A-League Cup, Fauxhan United and Drago FC have pretty much had it in the bag for so long."

"But still, who will replace him."


"What about Lou or Stephen? They've earned a spot..."

"What about this Johnny Kelly?"

"Who? never heard of him."

"You want Johnny Kelly to be in the national team? He hasn't even played professionally in any league."

"H's good, great in fact, all the A-Leagues want him but he's been saying no... though apparently I've got letter here from him. He wants to play."

"So, I don't know This will be a major slap in the face for Lou and Stephen how long have they been playing?"

"That's the problem they've been playing too long as Subs, they are better at being subs then they are at being starters for the same positions."

"Okay, Has anyone else has any more to say?"

There were blank looks around the Selection Panel.

"That's a no, okay, I'm going to move that we vote on selecting Johnny Kelly."

"I second that motion."

"All in in favour of voting to select johnny raise your hands."

All but one of the selection committee raised their hands

"And against?"

No one raised their hand

"so we have 8 yes and one abstention... Motion Carried"

"The vote will be a secret vote, you have the cards their write 'Yes' or No' on them."

The eight voters casted their votes giving them to the chairman who only votes to break ties. Shuffling the cards about he reads them out...

"No"
"Yes"
"No"
"No"
"Yes"
"No"
"Yes"
"Yes"

"That is 4 votes for No and 4 votes for Yes, as Chairman I will cast my deciding vote, and say Yes. Johnathon Kelly, is selected for the National Team."

QSPNFootball.net WORLD CUP XL Coverage

The FORTIETH edition of the World Cup, Qazox' 14th, begins in a year in Starblaydia and Krytenia. But first, qualifying, which Qazox has done 5 straight times and 7 of the last 9. But this team is seeming cursed, as they cannot advance past the first round of the World Cup. But the team of 16 year olds that made it to the Cup 3 years ago are now all 19 year-olds and the team is still hungering for a Cup.

The qualifying draw took place earlier tonight, and luckily for Qazox, they were drawn into Group XIII, which as every one knows is a very lucky number.
The opponents will be: Az-cz, Scotchpineistan, Nethertopia, Green wombat and Iansisle. Qazox has past history with all the teams, excepting newcomers Nethertopia. The early reports from around the world is that Qazox has a decent shot to qualify.

The schedule will be as follows: (All games Live on QSPN or QSPN2)
Pre-qualifying friendly: vs Starblaydia in Krytenia. QSPN
G1: @ Az-cz (Location and Time: TBD) QPSN (and other international broadcasts)
G2: @ Iansisle (Location and time: TBD) QSPN2
G3: vs. Scotchpineistan @ Estadia Pika, Pika City (Capacity: 78,625.) Kickoff time: 19:15 QST. QSPN
G4: @ Nethertopia @ Falcon Stadium, Nethertopia. (Capacity: 90,000) start 20:00 local time (14:30 QST) QSPN2
G5: vs. Green wombat @ Qazian Memorial Stadium, Qazox City Capacity: 98,000. Kickoff time: 20:10 QST. QSPN

Mid-qualifing break (possible friendly vs Krytenia in Starblaydia. Would be broadcast on QSPN)

G6: vs. Az-cz @ Qazian Memorial Stadium, Qazox City Capacity: 98,000. Kickoff time: 13:45 QST. QPSN (and other international broadcasts)
G7: vs. Iansisle @ SaxerDome, SaxerVilla Capacity: 85,000. Kickoff time: 19:40 QST. QSPN
G8: @ Scotchpineistan (Location and time: TBD) QSPN2
G9: vs. Nethertopia @ Chek-Via Stadium, Fromburg. Capacity: 90,000. Kickoff time: 14:50 QST. QSPN2
G10: Green wombat @ Carrier Stadium in Wachovia, Green wombat (Capacity 73,000) Kickoff time: 18:00 local (17:30 QST) QSPN

Tomorrow join us live at 3pm QST for complete Group XIII analysis and a complete breakdown of the other 14 qualifiying groups.

(OOC note: Qazox Standard Time is roughly 30 minutes before US Central Standard Time and 30 minutes later than US Eastern Standard Time or GST -5:30. Qazox no longer observes Daylight Savings Time)

Prux considers withdrawl for WC 40 after group draw places both Ad’ihan
and Wentland in group 9. Along with those top seeds, are Kiryu-shi, Hryvina and Ruskastan. to quote an unnamed player: "That a bunch of BullSpit there."

And now onto the REAL POST:

Prux is pleased that the World Cup Commitee has placed two highly ranked squads in Group 9, as defeating such teams will only serve to prove Prux dominance in the rign and the pitch.

Green Wombat Daily Tattler

Once again it is time for the World Cup to rear its head and for the third time in the last 12 years, our beloved Wombats will once again plunge into the breach and try to qualify for the biggest World Cup yet, World Cup 40 which coinsides with Starblaydia's 100th anniversary of World Cup play.

Unfortunately, Green wombat is drawn into unlucky Group 13, along with old rivals Qazox. Also in the group is two-time champs Az-cz, Iansisle, a vertern squad, Scotchpineistan, a familar foe and newcomers, Nethertopia, a impressive team that made the quarterfinals at the most recent BoF.

Tomorrow, We'll provide complete Group by Group predictions and profiles.

All home matches will be played at the new Carrier Stadium in Wachovia, Capacity is 73,000.

The IFA was prompted to release a statement concerning the nature of Song Jongguk's selection into the CCFM Top XI Team, whether this would conflict with Song Jongguk's existing placement on the Han roster.

"In a deal with the CCFM, we've agreed that this event is a one-time only occurrence, and that Song [Jongguk] is open to play for this match. As such, he will be missing the potential friendly against Valanora. But rest assured, he will participate in future matches with the Han team."

In other news, we've received the list stadia to be used for this Season's Qualifying Tour:

MD1: HAN(26) --- (167)ENG (@ Oromokojei Football Stadium, Oromokjei)
MD2: HAN(26) --- (61)MGV (@ Sanghae National Football Stadium, Sanghae)
MD5: HAN(26) --- (16)CAS (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD8: HAN(26) --- (59)JAR (@ Munhwa Football Stadium, Hanseong)
MD9: HAN(26) --- (154)SJV (@ King Kim Iljei Memorial Football Stadium, Malnira)

Group Drawn
Turk's Expectations.
The group as it stands:
53 Rejistania
173 Legalese
9 Tynelia
103 Wijaska Island
21 Bazalonia
85 Kose and the Turkomans

In our games against the two lowwer teams we should, really be expecting wins with the sort of firepower we're packing we should be able to dominate both Wijaska Island and Legalese. Then comes Rejistania, perhaps at home we could scrape a draw but at their stadium... well we should expect the worst and say we will probably lose there.

So thats 13 points so far, now comes the interesting part the two highest ranked teams in the group will probably have no problem in seeing us as no threat, but at home we have nothing to fear from them and we could spring an upset. Now I'm not making any promises but a strong showing in the group and perhaps it will not be as clear cut as it seems.

Orhan Sahin

Kose and Murat Happy with draw
In a press conference Sinan Kose and Coach Murat, anounced they were pleased with the draw, Sinan said to a reporter " It could have been a whole lot worse, but to be paired up with a high ranked team was what we expected." When asked coach Murat had the air of optimism; " I feel this team could gel very well and be a solid unit, maybe quailification is out of our reach but we wont give up on it."

Scheduel:
Pre-Qual Vs. Nethertopia
MD1: (A) Vs. Bazalonia
MD2: (H) Vs. Wijaska Island
MD3: (A) Vs. Legalese
MD4: (H) Vs. Tynelia
MD5: (A) Vs. Rejistania
Mid-Frendly: Vs. TBD
MD6: (H) Vs Bazalonia
MD7: (A) Vs. Wijaska Island
MD8: (H) Vs. Legalese
MD9: (A) Vs. Tynelia
MD10: (H) Vs. Rejistania

THE MONASTIC TIMES

MFA DENOUNCES CHEESE, DRAW
"Time of Trial Awaits" Says Archimandrite

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

The Monastic Football Association today denounced suggestions that the anonymous national squad would be allowed to eat cheese while training for the qualifiers during Great Lent. "Cheese is a dairy food; while acceptable after meatfare Sunday, it is forbidden during the Great Fast. The mere suggestion that the national team would touch the stuff during Great Lent is objectionable" said a senior archimandrite, speaking on condition of anonymity.

The same archimandrite then promptly denounced the World Cup draw as "an anti-Orthodox conspiracy hatched by pagans". MFA officials are said to be concerned about the 'uber-playoff format' which only grants automatic qualification to group winners. The second and third-placed teams must then compete in playoffs to fight for the remaining fifteen spots. Team coach Fr.Alexey the Hegumen was more sanguine; "if God in his unknowable wisdom and mercy sees fit to allow us to finish above fifth-ranked Sqournshelous this tournament, and therefore qualify by right, we shall give thanks. If not, we shall accept His will, come what may." MFA officials were said to believe that a "time of trial awaits" the national squad, though they were also said to be looking forward to the opportunity to welcome any Orthodox Sqournsheloun, and genuinely Orthodox Pazhujebi, citizens to the Holy Monastic Republic.

Outside the Archregimancy, concern was said to be rising over the MFA's announcement that all home qualifiers were to take place in a peaceful woodland glade, with a pitch painted on to the grass, this Lenten season, and that each visiting team would only be permitted to bring one man and his (male) dog as support. "The grass may well be a little long, but we are providing World Class dressing rooms underground next to the pitch for all of our visitors" said a senior hieromonk, also speaking on condition of anonymity; "I promise you that there's nothing to worry about".

THE NETHERTOPIAN SPORTSTIMES

Group qualifing stage: Nethertopia being screwed
Peregrinus city - The whole nation watched and moaned after seeing the draw being made for our qualifing matches. The group is as followed:

GROUP 13
41 Scotchpinestan
97 Nethertopia
6 Az-cz
31 Qazox
60 Green wombat
173 Iansisle

Having seen the group we're already feeling like a cup of harmony player. Playing against giants like Qazox and Az-cz is of course nice, but we'll probably get slaughtered. And on top of that we're in unlucky number 13, a number that our country hates for some unappearent reason. Our playing schedule is the following:

Friendly: Nethertopia - Kose and The Turkomans
Matchday 1: Scotchpinestan - Nethertopia
Matchday 2: Green Wombat - Nethertopia
Matchday 3: Nethertopia - Iansisle (The White Peak, 30,000 start 21.00)
Matchday 4: Nethertopia - Qazox (Falcon Stadium, 90,000 start 20.00)
Matchday 5: Az-cz - Nethertopia
Friendly: <Still looking for an opponent>
Matchday 6: Nethertopia - Scotchpinestan (Home of the Dragon, 65,000 start 19.30)
Matchday 7: Nethertopia - Green Wombat (Home of the Dragon, 65,000 start 19.30)
Matchday 8: Iansisle - Nethertopia
Matchday 9: Qazox - Nethertopia (Chek-Via Stadium, 90,000 start 14.50 QST)
Matchday 10: Nethertopia - Az-cz (Falcon Stadium, 90,000 start 20.00)
Friendly: Nethertopia - Candelaria and Marquez

Let's see what our country can produce, ladies and gentlemen.

In tomorrow's newspaper: An exclusive interview with Nethertopian coach Rob Kietecs about the qualifiers, our chances and more!

The image of a spinning football, in Rennidan Gold and Green, whizzes past the television screen. Suddenly, sat behind a large, modern metal desk, are two of the nations most famous football commentators; Nigel Monorv and Neil Malkov.



Nigel: The draws are through, and things are looking tough for Rennidan already.

Neil: Not only are they the lowest ranked in their group (Group Fifteen), but they are placed alongside one of the highest ranking teams in the cup, Capitalizt SLANI!

Nigel: Which means their pre-qualifying friendly with Capitalizt SLANI could give us a grim look to the future.

Neil: However, one thing is keeping our nation's head above water. This is the first World Cup Rennidan has entered since opening it's gates and ending it's one hundred year isolation.

Nigel: We're the underdogs here, so, sure as my mother was one heavyweight champion of the Rennidan Wrestling League for Petite Women, we'll be putting on one hell of a show.

Nigel&Neil: C'MON RENNIDAN!

Valanora Express
March Forward

The draw has come and gone, and it looks very well likely that the Marauders will be moving forward to their eighth straight appearance in the Proper. With only World Cup 29 deubtants, Bostopia, like themselves, the Vanors will have little trouble in taking the group and securing the automatic bid to Starblaydia/Krytenia for World Cup 40. Withc such weak oppisition in the qualifying process, the VSC have gone out of their way to book challanging friendlies to keep the squad in the best of form heading into the Proper. With squads like the Han, Cafundeu, and The Holy Empire, the Marauders should be well tested heading into the phase of the tournament that matters most. Fans might remember the trip before the start of last tournament to Cafundeu, where the Marauders came away victors in a heavy scoreline. It is not expected to be the same case this time, with the opposing number likely looking to extract some revenge for that humbling loss. The Han will be equally motivated to extract revenge against the Green and Black, as they have yet to defeat the Marauders despite several meetings, espicially in the OFC.

This will be just the second meeting between The Holy Empire and ourselves, with the first coming several tournaments ago. It was during the group stage of the Proper, and if memory serves, the Marauders escaped with a three to one victory, a victory which allowed them passage through to the knockouts. What shall prove even more entertaining is through some weird workings, the Empire will be fielding a squad of international superstars, including our own Laborious Hawk. Fans are expected to turn out in full force for the mid-qualifying friendly because of this, and could be treated to one of the more interesting matches this tournament. Also of note, Ad'ihan and Vephrall will also be having friendlies at some point in the tournament, with the VSC considering to do some sort of promotion for the Ad'ihan friendly to encourage a larger than expected turnout.

The VSC also have organized a friendly between the nation of Demot and the Bext XI of the previous EPL season. The match should be highly entertaining with superstars from all over the world will be competiting in the match, with the proceeds from the match going towards the Thoril Forgedawn Foundation.

EPL Best XI Roster
GK: Alfonso Carte - Vyinta, Juavi
CB: Leandro Perheira - Starblaydia, Soldarian FC
CB: Dwier Titenburg Jr - ESF, FC Capri
CB: Pembace Pinteps - Vephrall, Juavi
LRW: Jere Jannian - ESF, Raynor City
MC: James Gomes - Starblaydia, Wexax United
MC: Ali Alidare - ESF, Mar Sara
LRW: Cristi Kries - ESF, AC Valanari
ST: Markku Sykko - Squornshelous, Raynor City
ST: Tomas Kurka - Squornshelous, FC Capri
ST: Zeph Yan Yin - ESF, Hondo

Reserves
GK: Kile van Posey - ESF, Hartdale
CB: Zieta Swift - Bazalonia, Raynor City
CB: Wori Metria - ESF, Hartdale
LRW: Ruby Claw - Vyinta, Wexax United
LRW: Jzeovak Tkermec - Squornshelous, Hondo
MC: Nathon Vorsco - ESF, FC Capri
MC: Xena Whitehurse - ESF, Hondo
ST: Kiso Night - ESF, Rinaldi
ST: Joan va Glaze - ESF, Raynor City

Schedule
PQF: Han v Valanora
PQF: Cafundeu v Valanora
MD1: Agroprom v Valanora
MD2: Prazkoy v Valanora
MD3: Valanora v Bostopia
MD4: Blouman Empire v Valanora
MD5: Valanora v Solenial
MQF: Valanora v The Holy Empire
MQF: Valanora v Ad'ihan
MD6: Valanora v Agroprom
MD7: Valanora v Prazkoy
MD8: Bostopia v Valanora
MD9: Valanora v Blouman Empire
MD10: Solenial v Valanora
PQF: Vephrall v Valanora

Article by Ron Santapa

Draw for World Cup Qualifying announced.
Acapais placed in Group Twelve.

Excitement poured throughout Acapais last night when the draw for the World Cup qualifying campaign was announced.

More than 10.93% of the nation was said to have watched to World Cup Qualifying Draw on television hoping and wishing they would not be grouped with a high seeded nation. To the delight of the fans, Acapais avoided the highest ranked nations like Capitalizt SLANI, and Az-cz.

Having competed only five times, Acapais was placed in Group Twelve as the fourth seed. In a group of six, two other nations have been invited to qualify for the first time. Among the three other nations seeded higher than Acapais, two did not qualify for WC38's tournament nor did the top seed in the group, Sel Appa. The only nation that qualified for WC38's final tournament, however, was knockout in the round of sixteen.

"We got the best group possible when you talk about Acapais qualifying for this year’s World Cup." says manager Stephanie Horne after returning from Starblaydia to attend the group draw ceremony. "But we can't let that distract us from our goal, winning games. We are going to start today getting ready for Nire and Nire. Yes, The Holy Empire is in our group, but we can beat them if we prepare properly."

Miss Horne also mentioned that she’d “never been hit on more in her life” while attending the group draw. Rumor has is that the representatives from Sorthern Northland and Valanora fought over who would win the courtship of the lovely Acapan manager.

Ninty-two nations (including hosts) entered this year’s World Cup and divided into fifteen groups of six. The top two teams qualify for the final tournament automatically and a play-off will not take place. Starblaydia and Krytenia automatically qualify for the final tournament because they are the host nations.

"I am so excited about this year's World Cup. I really think we can win our group." says a walking pedestrian.

Players of the Acapais National Football Team have high hopes for themselves also.

Al Vick Osman says, “We have a great chance for qualifying for the World Cup this summer. We just have to remain focused and do our job.”

Sally Mayfield, sports expert, says, "The teams in this tournament have been playing World Cups for years. Since Sel Appa and Nire and Nire are very solid teams, and The Holy Empire are just too powerful, Acapais will probably end up in the third quartile well out of range of qualifiction."

Sally predicts that the two qualifying teams from group twelve will be Sel Appa and The Holy Empire. Acapais, she says will end up in forth place where they were seeded to begin with. She says Acapais will probably do well in the Cup of Harmony if they are invited.

Group 12:
Sel Appa (12)
The Holy Empire (18)
Nire and Nire (57)
Acapais (68)
New Cimeran (154)
The Daleks 2 (162)

Schedule of WCQ matches for Acapais:
Friendly vs. Jeruselem
Matchday 1: @ Nire and Nire
Matchday 2: @ The Daleks 2
Matchday 3: vs. Sel Appa
Matchday 4: @ The Holy Empire
Matchday 5: vs. New Cimeran
Matchday 6: vs. Nire and Nire
Matchday 7: vs. The Daleks 2
Matchday 8: @ Sel Appa
Matchday 9: vs. The Holy Empire
Matchday 10: @ New Cimeran


Next Match:
vs. Jeruselem
Acapais Starters: Hunchman O'Hare (GK); Bradly Sample, Rex Agitril, Kyle Rummy, Derek Sample; Zachary McKellar; Henry Paroe, Al Vick Osman; James Fronberry (C); Jose Castro, Dave Lugini;
Available Subs: Paul Junxton, Nick Daniels, David Franzman, Pablo, Benjamin Nelson, Dean Chilvers, Bobby Carter
Head Coach:Stephanie Horne
Venue (Capacity): Gaalsien Field (55,618)
Location: Slidell, Keenshire
Referee: Kevin Murphy
http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/jeruselem.png


-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Acapais RP Threads
Roster Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13551336&postcount=29)

In a dark, dark city (it being night at the time) there was a dark, dark district and in the dark, dark district there was a dark, dark street and in the dark, dark street there was a dark, dark door and through the dark, dark door there was a dark, dark corridor and at the end of the dark, dark corridor there was a dark, dark door and through the dark, dark door there was a dark, dark corridor and at the end of the dark, dark corridor there was a dark, dark door and thr…

Uh… Right. Just bare with me a tick.

…oughthedark,darkdoortherewasadark,darkcorridoorandattheendofthedark,darkcorridortherewasadark,darkd oorandthroughthedark,darkdoorthere…

Right. Sorry. We appear to have taken the scenic route.

Um… We could try in here.

Excuse me? Hello? Um… It said on the door this was the Department for Delawarian Soybeans at the Candelaria And Marquez Home Office’s Department for Rushmori Agricultural Subsidies, and I just wondered if yo… Oh, hello. Didn’t see you there. On account of all the dark, an… You’re a what, sorry? An ogre. Okay. Well. Ah-ha. Sorry to bother you, I’ll just leave you to it and just shut this door here… Yes, and you.

Right. Give us a minute. Now, if we take that dark, dark corridor and go through that dark, dark door and slip the large afro-caribbean gentleman on the next dark, dark door a tenner we might be able to…

Here we are. Through this dark, dark door we chance upon an elf, only just on the right side of middle aged, sitting in a swivelly chair and playing spider solitaire on his laptop.

And now through this dark, dark door walks a permatanned human, only just on the right side of middle aged, bearing an expression we shall charitably describe as ‘grotty’. At the same time he’s managing to exude oiliness, which is quite impressive, in its own way.

Yes, it’s our old friend Lyndon Hernández MP, Chair of the All-Party Parliamentary Group on Rushmori Agricultural Subsidies and Minister for Rational Thought.

I got you back there, didn’t I? You actually thought something a little bit more original might be coming up. Well, no sir-ee bob. We’re nothing if not unadventurous out here in the Candelarias.

“You’re late,” Daniel Martino murmurs while he wonders what to do with the three of clubs.

“I know. Don’t start. What could I do? It needed sorting, and I was the only man who could do it.”

Martino swivelled sharply. “There weren’t any problems though, were there? With TV1’s coverage of the draw. I impressed most carefully upon the directors the need to cut away to the big white clocky thing when a couple of the more questionable Starblaydi dignitaries popped up on screen.”

“No, it was just the Lussolavizzonian agriculture minister wittering on about his bloody sorghum again. I don’t even know what that is. I thought he was being sympathetic about me teeth, at first…”

“Arr, the travails of juggling two jobs, sir.”

“Meh. I could be mopping sick off of old people by day and moonlighting as a lap dancer by night to pay off the tuition fees strangled out of me by the thankfully now-ousted Modern Liberal government. It’s not all bad. But, no, anyway. The draw passed off fine, as far as I know. I didn’t get to see much of it.”

“But you got the general gist?”

Hernández clicked his jaw. “Can’t you tell by my expression? So, in words of no more than three syllables, and leaving out nothing that might upset me or cause me to bang my head repeatedly against this here table, what exactly is an ifrit?”

“They’re jinn, Lyndon. Usually appear as great big dogs, but then doesn’t everyone? They’re possessed of an eeeeebbbil temper,” Martino explained, waggling his fingers in an evil fashion. “They also take the form of great tornados of dust, or magical camels…”

“Oh, I would dearly love to see a magic camel…”

“Ah, but these are magical camels made of sand. And eeeeebbbil magic. Oh, and giant snakes, they can do. Or fire-breathing scorpions. Um. According to wikipedia, at any rate.”

“Ah. So what do they do in the real word, then?”

“Hang about in sports cafés mainly, by the looks of it. I’m no expert though.”

“Human shaped? Or are we going to have to come up with some ‘Giant Dog Runs Onto Pitch’ headlines?”

“Totally human-shaped, sir. Apartfrombeingfifteenfoottall, there’s nothing to worry about…”

“Oh, god…” Hernández’s face fell slightly further. “Fifteen foot?”

“Thick as a tree-trunk an’ all. And piercing red eyes. That one probably won’t be a problem – I’m guessing he’ll have to wear contacts to avoid offending his fellow Bettians, but –”

“It’s not really his eyes that worry me, Dan, funnily enough.”

“Mm. Well, in terms of the away game I reckon the best thing to do is go big on the Muslim thing. Say we’ve got some poor, innocent Candelariasian being sentenced to death over there. Cue lots of public discussion over how beastly those nasty Islamic countries are; lots of ‘How do you solve a problem like Sharia?’ headlines again… TV1 can refuse to show the game, we’ll encourage the away supporters to boycott it. Child’s play. And over here, we’ll just say that at the last minute they objected to playing at the Millerman Sheppard Stadium, because of it being red you see, and we’d be forced to relocate the game to a behind-closed-doors match at the Southerntown Arena. Come on, Lyndon, cheer up. How long have we been doing this for? We’ve got it down to a science.”

“It won’t fly, Dan. Not the home game, at any rate. There are thousands of Bettians here, first generation or otherwise. They’ll be throwing street parties just at the draw, I’m guessing. There’ll be questions in parliament if the game isn’t played up in Khatib, it’ll be a proper carnival atmosphere, they’ll have Rhosyn al-Wadi doing the national anthems…”

“Who?”

“Last winner of C&M Idol. Candelariasian-Bettian girl. Terrible voice but looks cute in a jilbab. Really, you should keep up with the local pop culture, Dan… Anyways, I just don’t see how we can do any funny stuff with the Bettians. Everyone knows who they are. We’ve got Samuel Taha over at Albrecht Turkish scoring by the bucket load, for one thing…”

He scowled at the thought. The foreigner-laded CMSC was one of his least favourite things. Martino picked up on his mood and gave a sympathetic grin.

“Never mind, sir. Give it a few years and I expect Turkish’ll have ifrit playing for them…”

“Ugh, don’t even joke about it. The elves are bad enough. There’s even one out in Mayo Valley now, for heaven’s sake!”

“They know to keep their mouths shut, Lyndon. They may be elves but they’re still sportsmen. They know what’s good for ‘em if they want to get paid. Did you see the rest of the group, anyway?”

“No. Gowon, put me out of my misery.”

“Right, we’ve got Septentionia…”

“Who?”

“Random French-speakers.”

“Really? So soon after Oliverry’s disappearance from the international game?”

“I know… Funny how that sort of thing works out sometimes. There’s the East Antairees. Tropical island chain, third in the boff, their right-back’s at Gamboa FC. They’re the best of the rest, to be honest. The third pot team’s Lovisa.”

“God, is that the best they can do?” Hernández moaned, slumping into a chair. “Could’ve had Prux, could’ve had the Pazhujebis, Dancougar, the Nires again, but noooo… The also-rans of Lovisa. Wonderful.”

“Quite, sir, although I should point out that Nire and Nire no longer exists. But then, they’re playing against the Holy Empire, so it’s all relative, isn’t it? Oh,andillegalimmigrants. So there’s the six of us. Sorry to say, but we’ve – or you’ve, rather… or they’ve – got every chance of qualifying straight off if the Bettians have an off day or two.”

“What was the last one you said, Daniel…?”

“Illegal Immigrants, sir.”

“Illegal Immigrants from where?”

“I don’t know, sir. I don’t think the FA do, either. Hopefully we’ll have some idea before they actually land in the Candelarias next week…”

“Right. Illegal Immigrants. Because that’s not weird or anything…” The Minister sighed. “God… Fifteen feet tall…”

“We could try and… borrow… one of those shrinking machines the Micelanders used?”

“Have we got a man over there, then, still?”

“Well, a mole, strictly speaking… He might be able to get us one, anyway.”

“We could, aye… Not sure I’d like to be around once Ziiaq discovered what we’d done to him, though. On account of the evil temper, and all… Plus, I’ve had bad experiences with those shrinking machines in the past…”

Martino put a hand on the Minister’s. “I know, sir. And I’m always available, you know, if you ever want to talk about it…”

THE WEST KERRY NEWS

Beiginis residents lash out at stadium plans

The two residents of Beiginis, spoke to The West Kerry News this morning of their shock at controversial plans to build a football stadium on their island.

The plan, which is believed to have been negotiated in a pub in the County Kerry town of Dingle just a few kilometres from Beiginis sees the Sesquipedalianist Footballing authorities given rights to build a national stadium for their team.

Mary Keane, 45, visiting Dingle from the island to do her weekly shop told us her thoughts, "It's ridiculous, sure we've provisionally allowed the An Blascoad Mor them to play there as there is nowhere flat enough to play football in An Blascoad Mor, but Sesquiptheshoppinglist or whatever it's called playing here is just ridiculous, why can't they play in their own country? It's fairly large, there must be a flat space there somewhere?"

Evidently she was not aware of the Exile placed on the squad after an even which saw them turn sober, breaking one of the oldest and most endearingly followed laws of Sesquipedalianist. Once the exile situation was explained to her though, she gave way a little saying, "Oh right, well fair enough they can use the pitch I suppose, but how the hell are they going to build a 20,000 capacity stadium there? The island is only about four hundred metres squared. Me and my husband are fine with them playing here and we will offer them tea and scones and so on, but building a stadium is just ridiculous. I promise you now, I will walk all the way to Beningrad to block any building applications for a stadium, and if they refuse that then we will declare full independence."

One of the controversies surrounding the issue is whether or not the sovereignty of Beiginis has been broken by the deal with Sesquipedalianist. Although in practise a part of Sorthern Northland, (Beiginis residents enjoy the same rights as Sortherners in SN, such as access to education and health care and freedom of travel etc), the island is officially a Independent Nations With Dependence On Sorthern Northland, (similar to An Blascoad Mor). Mary claims that under the terms of the agreement for Sorthern Northland to provide for Beiginis, that residents of Beiginis must be involved in any plans which would impact the island. She claims this did not happen. "It all happened behind our backs," she said, "I only learnt of it because I'm came over 'ere to Sorthern Northland to do my shopping and Doris down the caf mentioned it. I was absolutely flabbergasted the government of Sorthern Northland would go behind our backs like this."

A spokesman for the Sorthern government confirmed the deal had taken place saying, "It is true that there have been negotiations, between us and the Sesquipedalianist footballing authorities over the availability of the football pitch at Beiginis for use during their home games. We have agreed in principle to the idea of their team using the pitch. Obviously there are concerns of the nature of the stadium due to the size and area, and I must remind you Beiginis is part of the Blaskets Islands Park of Outstanding Natural Beauty, and therefore strict building regulations are in place, which in partnership with the islands small size means building a permanent stadium would be impossible. We will however circumnavigate this by building four specially produced floating stands which can be towed to the island and anchored when needed for use and when not in use can be put out of the way somewhere. This offers a practical solution to Sesquipedalianist's need for a 20,000 seater stadium and the need to protect an area of outstanding natural beauty. We would also like to state that despite rumours there are absolutely no plans to build a causeway from the mainland to Beiginis across the Blasket Sound. As previously mentioned this is an Area of Outstanding Natural Beauty, which a causeway would destroy and the Blasket Sound is also an important local shipping route. Blocking the Sound would mean sending ships and boats around the back of An Blascoad Mor which is simply stupid due to the often dangerous waters in that part of the ocean compared to the relatively calm waters of the Blasket Sound."

Alexandria Times-Tribune-Star-News-Post-Gazette-Chronicle-Journal-Enquirer

Sports Section

Nation rejoices as qualification assured


Sounds a little early for a headline like that right? Not with our rank and this group. First the Warriors were worried about the draw considering the "uber-playoffs" as people have deemed them with only group winners being assured of qualification. However our fears have now dissipated after this draw. As coach Thomas Markin said, "While I can never be as cocky as the media I do have to like our odds after this draw. However stranger things have happened and we have to be wary. There are still a lot of quality footballers and nothing is ever guaranteed at this level." Yeh right. You heard it here second the Warriors will qualify. Hands down.

Now for our infamous round up of the group in rank order:
GROUP ELEVEN
2 Milchama- That's us. We're the World Cup runner ups and far and away the best side in this group. Qualification for us is merely a formality. The question is, how will we do in the World Cup?
29 Kura-Pelland- Two cup's agos hosts. They did qualify last time as well, at least we think so. They also tend to have weird musical references in their RPs. Whatever man, we're still better than them when it comes to football. One win and a draw.
48 Kelssek- This is easy. They might do some important things but we have no idea, we don't pay attention anymore. All I see is two more victories and crusheraidings at that.
81 Newmanistan- I think they might have won the BoF. Isn't that cute? The BoF means shit and we'll show them that with two more easy victories.
111 Eighthgraderistan- A bunch of high schoolers. While our U21 team might not be able to beat them our senior squad is loads better thus two more victories shall be ours.
173 Lithima- Unranked and we know nothing about them. However expect a draw here simply because we always fail against sides like this. But we'll win once. So that's another 4 points.

So out of a total of 30 points expect 26 for the Warriors and an easy first place.

LIVE FROM THE IMPERIAL HIPPODROME....

IT'S THE WORLD CUP 40 IMPERIAL TEAM ANNOUNCEMENT

With Basil and Theo!

"Basil!"

"Theo!"

"How's it hanging, Big T?"

"Not so great, Baz - they put up the curtain at an angle, and it's hanging really awkwardly because..."

"No... I meant 'how are you doing'. It's been a couple of World Cups since we made an appearance, after all.."

"So it has, Basil..."

"So we have a duty to re-introduce ourselves with some light banter letting our legions of loyal fans know what we've been up to these last few months."

"We do?"

"No, not really, Theo. I'm just trying to make conversation."

"Shall we get on with announcing the team, then?"

"Might as well. How about starting with...

THE BENCH OF LEGENDS... EGENDS... EGENDS... GENDS... GENDS... GENDS..."

"Nice echo there, Basil"

"Ta. Been practicing for ages."

"Anyway, that bench of legends Basil?"

"Oh yes. As substitute forward, there's the legendary ALAN BELMORE."

"The Belmore family"

"In midfield, the legendary ESTEBAN DE JESUS"

"Brazillico"

"As the utility player, the legendary URK"

"Giant Zucchini"

"In defence the legendary TINA REALM"

"Ariddia"

"And in goal, Theo, the legendary FR. JUSTINIAN THE THRICE-BLESSED"

"The Archregi... Hang on, Basil... The only thing Fr. Justinian's legendary for is competitive icon-painting. What's he doing on the Bench of Legends?"

"I couldn't possibly say, Theo. The Patriarch asked me not to."

"Oh. I see. Anyway, what about the rest of the team, Basil? What about the...

DREAM SIMULACRA STARTING XI!!!!!!"

"In goal, there's Sel Appa's Mongke Bokegalbaatar - and with Sel Appa in the same group as the Holy Empire, there's scope for some heavy duty goalkeeping this World Cup, Theo."

"The central left defender, Basil, is Tynelian orthodox defender, Orthodox defender, and defender of Orthodoxy Alexander Maximov. Not sure what the Tynelians are going to make of that one!"

"The central defender is popular with the ladies, Theo - a bit like me - and he's called Alex."

"You old smoothie, Baz. The central right defender is the surprisingly obscure Demot Dynamo international Julius Matai"

"On the left wing is Jzeovak Tkermec , psycho, I mean pshyco, I mean, psyhchoe, I mean, Sqournshelous international star winger"

"The inside left midfielder, Basil, is retired Az-cz gnome Hu-35, who'll be playing naked, wearing only yellow and red body paint."

"And anchoring the centre of midfield is 711 year old Bettian Ifrit Ziiaq."

"The inside right midfielder is the famous Laborious Hawk, arguably the most famous player ever produced by the Valanorans - which should make our mid-qualifier friendly against them more than a little interesting"

"And on the right wing, Theo, is Zwangzug's Megan Kucinich. Tzimisces will be hoping he can convince her to move forward more this World Cup."

"Let's move on to the forwards, Basil, with Milchaman stalwart Avi Belmowitz! The Milchamans may be missing him, but we have him. Take that, Margaret worshippers. Ptttttpth to you."

"And the final player is World Cup winning Capitalizt SLANI forward Migelo Luiso. Have to have at least one SLANI player on the squad."

"So what do you think, Basil?"

"About what, Theo?"

"The squad, Basil..."

"Well, our midfield is anchored by a naked gnome and an Ifrit, we have a giant ethnic Mongolian in goal, our right winger hates to go forward, the central defender's an incorrigable womaniser, and the entire team's coached by an ageless immortal."

"So about normal then."

"Aye, Theo... about normal."

"Hill!" The cry went up as National team hero and all around generally okay person Silvia Hill walked onto the practice field.

"It's ok, it's ok, I'm here." She replied, flipping a ball up into the air and catching it, glancing upward as the groundskeepers turned on the lights.

"Aye, only a half hour late."

"Hey, there was a crash on the One, it's holding up traffic for miles. It's like people have no clue what they're doing anymore." Hill said, sighing. "We were having brownouts last week-" Hill said, as the lights snapped off with a quiet groan. "Oh, damnitall." She said. "How hard is it to shovel coal into a freaking furnace!"

"Actually, most of the city's power comes from the dam on the Lewis river-"

"Don't be a nerd, Norris." Hill said, staring at a light tower and quietly willing it to return to life. "This is BS. Everything's going to hell in a handbasket, and now we have to practice in the-"

The flicker of the light towers and the resumption of regular service cut hill off once again. "The universe just hates me today."

"Oh, don't worry, we still love you." Scorrin said, grabbing the ball from Hill and kicking it toward someone else. "You look good in plaid, too... could use a haircut though."

"Is the whole nation mental now?"

"No, you just haven't been paying attention."

The Beningrad Morning Star

Military direction of team angers fans

Football fans are up in arms today following yesterdays SENSATIONAL military coup of the Sorthern Northland Football Association. Yesterdays coup saw retired Army Major General Dick O'Reilly take control of the SNFA in a drinking contest with former chief Mr Jones, in what O'Reilly called "A major victory for our armed forces".

And fans this morning showed they're displeasure at the developments by marching on the SNFA's Beningrad headquarters at the James Connolly Stadium to call for the association to be returned to civilian hands. Major General O'Reilly fearing an uprising, promptly called upon the SNFA's new admin team, oddly enough made up by a bunch of reserve soldiers to disperse the protesters. Reports from the protesters suggest that the protesters were dispersed with water guns and imitation smoke grenades.

Major General O'Reilly promptly called a press conference in which he said, "At exactly eleven hundred hours today the SNFA was besieged by a group of enemy combatants claiming to be The Sorthern Northland Football Fans Federation. At roughly eleven hundred hours and three minutes, a team of paratroopers were dispatched from one of the windows to disperse of the enemy forces, this task was accomplished with no fatalities and seven prisoners after some twelve minutes of intense fighting."

The Major General then went on to explain the changes he would bring about to the team saying, "This men have shown exactly what the team is about under me. For sixteen years now we have attempted to take the World Cup and associated competitions by civilian means. This hasn't worked so it is now time to resort to military measures. For this purpose I will be making some adjustments to the team and our equipment. All players will go out onto the battlefield (OOC: IE the pitch) equipped with basic military equipment such as an AK-47, some smoke grenades, flash grenades and other grenades as well as a Swiss Army Knife. Adjustments are also being made to the James Connolly Stadium as we speak to improve our chances of victory in this war. We are currently digging a number of trenches into the pitch for our players to use as cover and will be making a minefield around the middle of the field to keep the opposition away from our half. Another feature will be a network of tunnels to allow the squadron to go about the stadium undetected by the opponents, so for example if we have a tunnel under the other teams dugout we can send in a spy to get information on their tactics and the like. The final adjustment is to bring in some new uniforms, the previous ones are simply terrible. Red and gold? Gold and black? White and pink? Gadzooks, the enemy will spot of easily in those. I therefore asked JMC some time ago to produce the uniforms which I am now proud to present. These will allow our troops to more effectively blend into the environment to evade detection by enemy forces."

http://img146.imageshack.us/img146/1049/sno40ck3.png (http://imageshack.us)

The new kits are sure to cause outrage among fans whose hold the traditional red and gold kits close to their hearts, as well as the popular gold and black away shirt and white and pink third shirt. Fans are also sure to be disappointed with manufacturing rights for the shirts being given to Krytenia based JMC rather than SN's own Asal eide Spóirt. However among the most controversial point is Major General O'Reilly's statement that he asked JMC to produce the kits "some time ago", leading many conspiracy theorists to allege that JMC may have funded the Major General's failed government coup and the SNFA coup that followed it.

"What?" Yelled coach Kietecs on the phone, "You're not going to make it because your stomach is still getting used to the Candelaria and Marquez food? How lame is that!"
"Yeah, i know," replied Abdoulaye Soro. "But the food is way heavier here than in our homeland. I'm really having problems with it and i won't make it for the match... Thank P-J on behalf of me for the food packages by the way."
"That's the second time you won't play against Kose and The Turkomans... Man they're going to be disappointed if they get to hear this. But get better soon, i guess."
"Thanks coach. Now i'm going back to the field. Carlos wants me to at least attain the trainings to bond with my teammates. Bye!"
"I'll talk to you later. Will you at least visit our match?"
"I guess not, a jetlag will probably kill me," laughed the El din Marbles player.

After shooting a commercial for a leading Empire brewery, Newmanistan’s Jeremy McAllister and Julie McElroy discuss the World Cup draw.

Julie: One day, I’m going to be able to do commercials where I don’t have to wear a bikini or something close.

Jeremy: Oh, I thought you did great, and I know you’re excited about Eighthgraderistan being in our group!

Julie: I thought we agreed to let that one die!

Jeremy: That was Brooks, not me. So what do you think about our whole group draw?

Julie: I don’t know, this whole fifteen groups thing sets up for a lot of predictable finishes within the group as far as who goes forward or not. It’d be more fun if I knew when I’d be playing, if I’m even going to play at all. I’m sure you’re not that excited about playing Milchama, are you?

Jeremy: Sure I am. I look forward to that game.

Julie: Why? The whole learning experience thing?

Jeremy: Maybe a little. They might win against us, but if they come out disrespecting us, then things might get a little interesting. Same with Kura-Pelland.

Julie: What do you mean?

Jeremy: I’m just saying, a bunch of us have been talking, and we’re not going to be shown up by these top teams. Especially when we’re in Newmanistan. They can win by five, but if they do it in a classy manner, then everything will be fine. But if they win by five, start showboating and taunting, well, their bodies are just as fragile as ours if you catch my drift.

Julie: Sounds like I might get a chance to play more then I think if you guys plan on playing that way.

Jeremy: No, don’t get me the wrong way. We’re only going to play like that if we get disrespected out on the pitch, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.

Julie: Be careful though, we don’t want to get a reputation.

Jeremy: Oh, we will be careful. It’s only for the matches against the top two teams in the group that we’ve been thinking like this. The way the groups are set up, a lot of the top two teams in each group think qualifying is just a formality. And, maybe it is. But we’re not going to roll over and play dead for them. Kelssek, we’re going for six points against. Third place is not impossible here.

Julie: I guess not, really. Go for it! Then we upset the second place team because they have sour grapes that they have to play a playoff and we qualify!! Ok, I’m getting a little too carried away, I think.

Jeremy: It’s ok, I like it when you get all excited like that wearing a bikini. (Grins)

04:43A.M, 28th of March, The Training Grounds, 2KM from the peak of Rennida Mountain, Rennidan, Isle of Rennida.

The sun was rising later for the team this morning. The star had both the walls of the training ground and the side of a mountain to compete with so that its glow could shine down upon the underdogs of Group 15.

At one end of the fake-turf pitch stood Ryan Malkoa, standing strong in the goal, smiling and laughing with his younger brother Jo. It was often said that the only time these two would be apart would be when Ryan was on the pitch and Jo on the bench.

The elder of the two, Ryan was by far the best goalkeeper Rennidan had found within its midst. Jo had the talent to be as good as, if not better than, his brother, but he lost his cool when he donned those green and gold gloves. He was somewhat envious of his brother's cool, and the fact that Ryan could even joke and laugh when standing between the posts made him hotter under the collar, but at the end of the day he had to respect his brother's skill. After all, the same blood ran through his veins.

Between them and the halfway line was the entire defensive end of Rennidan's pride. Desono, Fortal, Samman, Malakolo, Belon, Milikov and Harolds were stood in a circle, volleying the ball to each other. Ball control was something they tried to stay on top of, and thanks to their long training sessions, and the Emperor's ruling that paparazzi are to leave them be before big tournaments (and what comes bigger than the world cup?), meant they had more time to practice. Not that any of them would be doing anything else. The long legs at the side of the pitch, watching them all, made sure of that.

Debanon stood there in her business jacket, pencil skirt and fetching glasses, chewing the end of a pencil as she evaluated her players. Her outfit was designed to show her figure enough to be deemed sexy, yet respectable, and her mousey brown hair was pulled back into a loose ponytail to highlight her charming facial features. The assistant manager was always with the team. Whether it was practice sessions, matches, or the once-in-a-blue-bloody-moon nights out. She considered herself to be a role model to the team players, but in reality, she was considered more of a little sister to the team. Whenever a drunken bum at one of Rennidan's top nightclubs would approach her, sure as heck Fortal, Ryan Malkoa and Desono would suddenly be between the stumbling, bumbling fumbler of testosterone and their prized assistant manager.


At the other end of the pitch, midfield and attack were all practicing their long-ranged shots. At a glance, two things were obvious: Michael Ronnan could score from forty yards back into the empty goal, and the fat figure that was Lucas Lucas Senton was having a nap behind the goal.

Ronnan Jnr. was the prized possession of the team. The fans adored him at the same level of Malkoa, and he was the only member on the team to have actually met the Emperor. However, he was somewhat of a recluse, much like his father, the team manager, Michal Ronnan. He was never seen out and about with the team when they went partying, instead preferring to practice his skills on the pitch in his garden.


"How're we looking then?" uttered the gravelly voice from behind Debanon.

Turning, she looked into the saddened eyes of Mic Dannov. Dannov was once Rennidan's top player. Unfortunately, a dodgy tackle from a Ulii player in a league friendly left Dannov in a critical condition. A bad slide in left the midfielder with his foot pretty much hanging off. This was two years back, and only now he was considered fit enough for national play. The truth though was that he was only just scraping by. No matter how hard he was working, no matter how much effort he put in, he was only just meeting the standards. For a man that was once tipped for Rennidan's Hall of Sporting Fame, it was a sorry, depressing state to be in. With bags around his eyes, stubble covering his face and a simple aura of despair hanging around him, it often meant Debanon would have to bite back a fit of sobbing. She knew he was a good player, and she knew in normal circumstances he should be playing. Now, he was nothing more than a bench warmer. For a man whose life was football, it was a shame for him to waste away on the sidelines.

"We're looking good. I think the world rankings have gotten many of the team down though. I just wish they'd realize that this is our first time in the Cup. This isn't going to be an overnight success. We're going to have to come back year after year until we're at the top. As long as we don't come last in our group, I'll be counting it as a victory."

Dannov nodded once, twice, muttered something about the up-coming friendly and stalked off with the slight trace of a limp towards the other midfielders.

Debanon sighed, her eyes facing towards the luxury box on the east side of the grounds where the reclusive manager, Michal Ronnan, was sat. Watching over his team like father would his newborn son. He was too proud to admit it, but a various mixture of ill health and damaged genetics meant that he couldn't be outside too often. He would appear now and then by television to the team, or in person before a big match. But when he was tucked away, like he was now, he would be hooked up to oxygen and various other beeping, blaring and generally annoying medical machines. The thought of such a grand man being in such a fragile state made Debanon shiver, and made her realize how alike Dannov and Ronnan just were. Perhaps that's why Dannov was on the roster. Perhaps it was a sympathetic call-up by the big man himself.

Snapping back to there and then, Debanon had enough time to squeal at the football heading towards her at a blistering pace. Thinking about the impact it would have with the assistant manager turning up to a friendly game against a top team with her nose on the other side of her head, Debanon realized that that was the one thing missing from that very moment. Impact.

Opening her eyes, she saw the figure of Ryan Malkoa standing before her, back to the head-strong lady. In his outstretched hands was the football, and in the background, on the pitch, she could see Daniel Samman grinning from ear to ear.

"C'mon coach, the ball got nowhere near ya'!" He yelled, before turning back to his giggling team mates.

Ryan just turned and winked to Debanon, before blasting the ball over towards his younger brother.

Sighing, and even smiling slightly, one thought ran through Debanon's head:

Yeah, it was going to be one hell of a tournament.

Youth Evaluation Camp, Seven Days Prior to Team Selection

"There was no need for me to come, Hares." Gerod Flamer smoothed his hair back over his head, looking slightly harried as he spoke. It wasn't easy to be a manager of a Yaforite national team, and, lately, the former national team captain had been openly exhibiting the stress that came with the job. He had been a phenomenally successful manager, the most successful manager in Yaforite national team history - but with the job came expectations, and expectations were not something that Gerod Flamer took well. He had always performed well under pressure, but pressure was not where he would perform, given the choice. He would definitely not have chosen a high-pressure situation at all.

That was part of the reason he didn't manage a club team, he reflected. It was strange for a national team to have a manager who did not manage a club team, but his first appointment had come on behalf of his experience as a very successful national team captain (and, no doubt, due to his extraordinary popularity in the Grand Democratic Duchy) and, since then, his track record had spoken for itself. Part of the reason he was so successful, he reflected casually, was probably the fact that he didn't manage a club team - and so, had all the time to manage a national team. Moreover, that was also probably why he was so stressed at this time and place - national team selections were in seven days, and with many of the backups aging or retiring, Gerod had been tasked with finding the right players for the team. It was a difficult task.

Hares Dalermo, new manager of Parwood City in Kura-Pelland, and the new manager of the Aleosi national team, as well as a former Yaforite national team captain himself, and a close friend of Gerod Flamer's laughed. "This is the young talent of our country, Gerod. These are the guys you'll be selecting in five cups or so." He had picked the number five randomly, using it simply to illustrate his point. Nonetheless, Gerod Flamer looked less than impressed and, if Hares knew his friend (and he did), there was something that had been bothering him. It was probably the upcoming selection. Hares himself had had a difficult with his own selections, but had ended up selecting a lineup of players who played in the LIDYT - probably for the best, he had realized later.

"It doesn't matter who I'll be coaching in five cups, Hares. All I care about is who I'll be coaching now. The problem is that I don't know that." He sighed loudly, then turned to Hares, smiling. "It might be a distraction. Maybe I'll even find an okay player or two." There was anger in his voice, anger that had yet to be released, but anger that was so tightly controlled that it might not have been extant. They continued on their way into the complex and for several minutes Gerod Flamer scanned the area. Hares watched his friend - he knew that Gerod had left behind what had happened just seconds before, and was not in his sports persona, watching the players as they worked, spying their talents and weaknesses. It had been something he had been brilliant at as a national team captain.

"Who's that?" Gerod motioned to Hares suddenly, and the Parwood City Manager quickly scanned his paper. "Looks like 'Danilo Silva', sir. Listed as a fifteen year-old from Chelmar.". Gerod nodded and continued to watch the youngster perform two-on-one drills with others three to six years older than him. "He's from the Imperial Sports Academy in Chelmar, sir." That was impressive. The ISA was for the top players, all from lower-class and poor backgrounds, who all excelled in their studies. "Says he's a top student. Very good at all subjects. Excels most on the soccer/football field, though, Gerod." Gerod nodded and continued to watch the young, well, boy pass the ball through the cones set up as goals. "He's captain of the ISA team that won the U-21 championships." Gerod Flamer's eyebrows rose. That was very impressive. "He's also the captain of the national U-18 team. You wouldn't know that - they haven't played a tournament you'd be familiar with. He's making a bit for the Silver Wolves, though." The Silver Wolves were the U-21 national team.

Suddenly, Gerod motioned towards the fifteen year-old boy. Danilo Silva (http://img.mynet.com/spr/nurisahin.jpg) immediately hastened towards him - in all likelihood, he recognized the former national team captain and current national manager. "Gerod Flamer. I'm the captain of the national team." Gerod extended his hand. The boy, his face beaming, stretched out his own. "I'm amazed to meet you. I'm Danilo Silva." Gerod Flamer nodded abstractly. Then he spoke, his voice soft. "Tell me one thing - where did you learn how to play?" Danilo Silva grinned right back at him. "On my own, sir."

Hare Dalermo broke into laughter at Gerod Flamer's thoughtful expression after the boy had gone. "I told you it would be a good idea to come, Gerod."

Kereca Starting XI, Stadia, and Schedule Announced

Kerecans now know what team they'll be facing in their first ever World Cup attempt. The tykes in blue-and-green will travel to Aqua Teen Hungerland to face their closest competition in Group Ten. After a trip to Taeshan to face the Purple Knights, the Kerecans' first home game will be against the Fujisawan Territories national team at Wise Field in Kereca City. Other home venues will be Stewart Park, home to Western FC, and Keener Field, Eckert Prep's home ground.

Some facts about the stadia of Kereca:

Wise Field: Home to Kereca University's football club, located in central Kereca City. Largest stadium in Kereca with a capacity of 1,500 seated.

Stewart Park: The 1,200 capacity stadium is the third largest in Kereca. Home of Western FC, current champions of their respective league and the prestigious Nationwide Cup. Western FC's manager, Cliff Carpenter, also happens to manage the national team.

Keener Field: Is famous for hosting the first football match in Kerecan history. The 1,300 capacity ground is also home to Eckert Prep, a successful youth side in Kereca City.

The rest of Kereca's schedule is as follows:

@ Aqua Teen Hungerland
@ Taeshan
vs Fujisawan Territories (Wise Field)
vs Northern Bettia (Wise Field)
@ Yafor 2
vs Aqua Teen Hungerland (Stewart Park)
vs Taeshan (Keener Field)
@ Fujisawan Territories
@ Northern Bettia
vs Yafor 2 (Wise Field)

Now, a look at Kereca's opponents in Group Ten:

Aqua Teen Hungerland (KPB rank: 142)
Not much is known about this nation, other than the fact that they are Kereca's closest competition in terms of KPB rank, and are also competing in their very first Cup. Despite reportedly being "numba one in da hood, G" ATH were knocked out in the second round of the 27th Baptism of Fire tournament. Getting two wins against these fellow newcomers is not out of the question.

Yafor 2 (KPB rank: 20)
The Yaforites are long time participants in the World Cup, and their ranking shows just that. Yafor 2 is represented almost entirely by professional players, so it will be quite an experience for the all-amateur Kereca side to play against such a team. The Kerecans will be hard-pressed to even notch a goal against this defensive-minded team and would be lucky to steal a point away from the Golden Wolves.

Northern Bettia (KPB rank:15)
Undoubtedly the heavyweights of Group Ten, Northern Bettia looks to cruise to the World Cup Finals with relative ease. The Fire Ants are notorious for their physical (dirty) play and rowdy (violent) supporters. Our national team, considered not much of a threat to the football superpower, hopes to be spared from such tactics, however. The Kerecans will have to try and not be awed at the sight of Northern Bettia's home stadium, Sakura Park, and the Fire Ants' fervent supporters. Sakura Park holds a whopping 75,000 spectators, compared to Kereca's Wise Field, with a capacity of 1,500. Expect two losses against the Northern Bettians.

Taeshan (KPB rank: 43)
The Taeshan Purple Knights, as they are known, are competing in their fourth World Cup and may be on the cusp of qualifying for the Finals outright, ranking 43rd in the world. The Kerecans look forward to taking on the Purple Knights in one of their massive home stadia. A draw, perhaps even a victory, is not impossible, however unlikely.

Fujisawan Territories (KPB rank: 72)
Fujisawan Territories, competing in only their second World Cup, are a respectable 72nd in the world according to the KPB rankings. The Fujisawan Territories' side is similar to Kereca's own, in that there are a number of young players on their squad. However, it may be difficult for the Kerecans to get any points from this team.

Starting XI

The Kerecans will employ a standard 4-4-2 formation.

Forwards
#12 Kevin Roberts, Kereca University
#3 Martin McBride, Athletic

Midfielders
#1 Curt O'Rourke, Athletic
#9 Mike Allison, Athletic
#15 Bruce Albin, Western FC
#2 Ron Mangrum, Eckert Prep

Defenders
#10 Russ Zapata, Gansby PS
#23 Danny Beard, Western FC
#5 Mike Ceja, Kingston Town
#13 Craig Martin, Eckert Prep

Goalkeeper
#00 Jeremy McNulty, Kingston Town

Reserves
F - #21 Bill Sowell, Athletic
F - #11 Larry Hui, Kereca University
M - #19 Jimmy Napier, Eckert Prep
M - #4 Patrick Gillis, Kereca University
M - #6 Scott Kohler, Kereca University
D - #25 Jeff Wadley, Gansby PS
D - #16 Pat Hatley, West End PS
D - #18 Justin Kee, Western FC
GK - #30 Joey Coleman, Gansby PS
GK - #31 Jerry Arias, West End PS

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SCOTTY: Krytenia and Starblaydia have just put the icing on the Baptism of Fire, and now plans are underway for their extra large World Cup 40. All that's left now is to determine the field, and to take a look at the Black Wings' chances, we bring in Steve Teebone to play Fact or Fiction with us. Dancougar's in Group Two along with Cafundeu and Quakmybush. Easy one to start, Fact or Fiction, Cafundeu is in the driver's seat.

STEVE: That is a fact, Scott. The Monopolists are always a threat to go deep, and now they've got, in Flecha, one of the most experienced big-time performers in the world. Plenty of fresh talent coming through the pipeline. We saw it on display during the Turtle Cup; this team knows how to bring it. Group Two presents them a pretty soft schedule, as well. Four of the six are outside the top fifty. I look at them to grab the group's automatic spot in the tournament.

SCOTTY: Fair enough, now let's talk about the Black Wings. Fact or Fiction - five goals in qualifying for Hideo Ikeda, himself now a product of the Cafundeu league.

STEVE: Fiction, and I might even sell him as the team's top scorer when all's said and done. Jinguuji is a stronger presense, I feel, with a better ability to create. But while he has spent some time in Cafundeu and got in a lot of second team action, you don't gain as much that way. The experience he brings is nontrivial, but he struggled last time around. And Charles DuPont's new offense is designed to spread the ball around and get more men up, so he's not going to be the lone ranger up front.

SCOTTY: Fact or Fiction, now, ten games in the first phase of qualifying. Does Dancougar get at least four wins?

STEVE: I'd like to say fact on this, looking at Krasslor and Hopeful SC, two teams that are holding up the bottom of the KPB table. But I'd be more comfortable saying that Dancougar gets between six and eight points from those games. The way this group is set up, the two teams at the top, middle, and bottom are pretty closely matched. I'm still not sure this team is in the right frame of mind after the last qualifying effort, as it's really unclear if they'll show up against the top teams. Last time, remember, they lost four games in qualifying by three goals or more. A three man defense is planned, and if the midfield gets overwhelmed, that line will not hold. Look out against attacking teams.

SCOTTY: They've got tough friendlies against Casari and Vephrall before qualifying begins, so that might give us something to gauge on. Finally, Steve, the big question - Fact or Fiction - Dancougar is IN the last thirty two!

STEVE: Not yet, folks, this is fiction. As it stands, Dancougar can probably compete for third in the group and make it into that playoff, but after that, I think the competition is too tough.

SCOTTY: Thanks, Steve, now to check in on the rest of the qualifying groups, we head over to our resident swami, Craig Boomer. Swam, what do you have for us?

(Cut to pre-taped segment in another part of the studio. Cheesy fortune teller title graphics.)

CRAIG: So the Swami has been working the kinks out of his crystal ball ever since those spring tournament picks went hopelessly awry. Rizzi College taught us a lot about momentum and determination, and that at the end of the day, rankings only tell you so much about the quality of the team. Now, then, onto the predictions. Fourteen World Cup groups on the table, still, six teams apiece. Top spot goes on, next two go to the playoffs. One thing's for sure, everyone who gets in will have earned it.

And while we're talking about runs, look no farther that Casari in Group One! They really made a name for themselves in World Cup 39, and they're a team that likes to wrap games up early. Very difficult to fight back against them, but if anyone can do it, it's the boys from the Han, with a new coach from attack-minded Cafundeu! These two will slug it out, and... do I see an upset in the cards already? Dae~han~jei~guk, they take the spot!

Group Three looks cut and dried to me, with Bettia as the cream of the crop. C&M have definitely got the talent to push back; really, there are a few cities in the world that can claim to be a paradise for football fans, and I would nominate Albrect in a heartbeat. So many talented players out of those clubs. Lovisa could threaten, but that squad has fallen on hard times.

We all remember how Squornshelous breezed through qualifying for World Cup 39, but I think they'll be hard-pressed to do it again. Group Four has a pretty competitive middle tier, with the Archregimency and Pazhujeb Islands leading the way. And let's not leave out Beer Served Here, they might be in prime position to surprise a few people!

It's hard to pick over Valanora in Group Five, even with Bostopia sitting right there. But Valanora have got one of the deepest midfields out there... Roger Zetaback is riding the bench? But with the likes of Laborious Hawk and Ali Alidare, why not? My biggest question mark, right now, is what Bostopia might dig up - literally, dig up - if they hit a run of bad form.

There may only be one Sinan Kose in Group Six, but they might need another ten if they're going to get past Tynelia for automatic qualification. The Baptism of Fire runner-ups also need to contend with Bazalona, who may be in good position to pull off the upset with several of Tynelia's players starting to show their age. In fact, I'm tempted to just pencil the 'Lopes in right now!

Group Seven looks like it could produce some interesting matchups! Yafalonia and Bazor 2 are bringing back most of their World Cup 39 team which came dangerously close to qualifying in their first run. Zwangzug and Vephrall are formidable opposition, and on paper, Zwangzug is the stronger side. Both play very balanced games, but Vephrall takes more initiative on offense, and I like that. But dare I say that FAIL might not fail so hard come playoff time? Yes! Quote me on that, folks!

Who would've thought that a crop of Catholic schoolgirls could meet and beat reserves from the best teams in the world? Jerusalem pulled it off at this summer's Turtle Cup, and now the whole world is abuzz with the news that Jacinta and Kate Sallad, the team's sister act, are joining the senior side. In fact, they've got Dancougar athletic directors scrambling, wondering if they can get the girls on scholarships. But I digress. The Sallad sisters' sole goal - translate Turtle Cup victory into World Cup glory. They'll clear this first hurdle, sure enough.

Ad'ihan, Wentland, Prux... a tough call in Group Nine! The Prawns had a good run in the last Cup of Harmony, and with a little nudge, could be a contender in the main event soon enough. But I see Ad'ihan and Wentland slugging it out this time around, and the Ad'ihan diamond will be tough to contend with if worked to perfection.

Another group that's got some closely-ranked sides vying for top honors - Group Ten, with Yafor 2 and Northern Bettia getting the attention at the expense of Taeshan, who can always be expected to show up and put forth the effort. Northern Bettia's gung-ho offense should deliver them the spot, but look for a battle for the playoffs, with the Fujisawan Territories definitely getting into the mix.

Baptism of Fire champions Newmanistan have their work cut out for them - how can they upend World Cup 39 runners-up Milchama? The short answer is that they won't, even with Belmowitz gone, nor will anyone in Group Eleven. Milchama has reloaded and returned most the team that went on that improbable run, a few years older and a few years better. After that, though, things might get interesting with Kura-Pelland and Kelssek digging in.

Group Twelve belongs to Sel Appa and The Holy Empire, but who takes top honors? New coach Estevez will look to restore some of the Turtles' lost luster after a disheartening World Cup 39 campaign that saw them take third in the Cup of Harmony. But The Holy Empire look to wow us all with their team of all-stars... "To defeat your enemies, you must know thyself." Words that will ring true when teams take the pitch against these dreamed-up doppelgangers. I've got them in the finals, but Sel Appa should follow through the playoffs.

Az-cz figures to run away with Group Thirteen, and who's to stop them, with no one ranked higher than thirty-first on the schedule. That's not to say we won't be treated to some entertaining football, since the race for the playoffs will bring in a good crop of contestants. In fact, I'm almost willing to consider anyone in the group for those second and third place spots. Keep an eye on those outsiders, Green Wombat and Nethertopia, they'll cause some trouble before this is done.

Demot plays a well-balanced game, have top talent on their side, and are my favorites in Group Fourteen. Jasiyun is right up there, but my dark horse for the playoffs are going to be Hopeless SC. Talk about dedication to the cause, they've gone out and brought in a new staff that's already switching the team up. Hopeless SC on the attack! If they start scoring goals and maintain that steel-wall defense of theirs, they can be a dangerous opponent.

And last up, Group Fifteen, and they indeed save the best for last. World Cup holders Capitalizt SLANI should have an easy path through, even with Southern Northland really hitting form after that last tournament. Qualifying at the expense of Sel Appa, the Northlanders won't get the automatic spot, but in the playoffs, look out if you have to play them. They've stepped it up in big games before, I don't see why they can't do it again.

The Swami has spoken! Back to you in the studio...

QSPNFootball.net WORLD CUP XL Coverage
Now featuring The Imperfect Perfect Picks!


(Teams in BOLD direct qualifiers, teams in ITALICS to playoff)
GROUP I
Casari
Daehanjeiguk
Jariss
Magnus Valerius
Engbec
Sarejavo

GROUP II
Cafundeu
Dancougar
Quakmybush
Gweridijongya
Krasslor
Hopeful SC

GROUP III
Bettia
Candelaria And Marquez
East Antairees
Lovisa
Septentrionia
NS Illegal Immigrants

GROUP IV
Sqournshelous
The Archregimancy
The Pazhujeb Islands
Beer Served Here
Diojiu
Kolanderaz

GROUP V
Valanora
Solenial
Bostopia
Blouman Empire
Prazkoy
Agroprom

GROUP VI
Bazalonia
Tynelia
Rejistania
Kose and the Turkomans
Wijaska Island
Legalese

GROUP VII
Vephrall
Zwangzug
Yafalonia and Bazor 2
Uiri
Pantocratoria
Lethislavania

GROUP VIII
Jeruselem
Dance 2 Revolution
Novapsolu
Sesquipedalianist
Kalmykstan
Abaio

GROUP IX
Wentland
Ad'ihan
Prux
Kiryu-shi
Ruskastan
Hryvina

GROUP X
Northern Bettia
taeshan
Yafor 2
Fujisawan Territories
Aqua Teen Hungerland
Kereca

GROUP XI
Milchama
Kelssek
Kura-Pelland
Newmanistan
Eighthgraderistan
Lithima

GROUP XII
The Holy Empire
Sel Appa
Acapais
New Cimeran
Nire and Nire
The Daleks 2

GROUP XIII With records
Az-cz 9-1-0 28pts
Qazox 8-0-2 24pts
Green wombat 4-2-4 18pts
Nethertopia 3-1-6 10pts
Scotchpinestan 3-0-7 9pts
Iansisle 1-0-9 3pts

GROUP XIV
Demot
Hopeless SC
Jasīʼyūn
Naboombu Umbongo
Aleos
Okuni

GROUP XV
Capitalizt SLANI
Jeru FC
Sorthern Northland
Terreiro de Ogum
Kosovoe
Rennidan

Although we are not completely sure of how the playoff work, here's the fifteen teams, in no particular order, we predict will advance to the World Cup (the predictions might change once the playoff format is known):

Daehanjeiguk
Jeru FC
Qazox
Sel Appa
Acapais
Kura-Pelland
Yafor 2
Ad'ihan
Bostopia
Prux
The Archregimancy
Candelaria And Marquez
Jasīʼyūn
Dance 2 Revolution
Novapsolu

Team Gelling Well Says Turkmen
New players Add to the team
The Exclusion of several players from the BoF 2nd place team had caused some controversy, but leading left winger Serkan Turkmen has said that the players who were dropped will be a strong possibility to return. In a statement to the press he said " The players who aren't in the squad now can always return, they were young and the players brought in are just for expierience." When asked on the matter Sinan Kose replied " I respect my coaches decision but for now all we need to worry about is our warm up game against Nethertopia."

Turkmen fitting in well.
Serkan Turkmen who recently moved to C&M outfit PoC has said the large Turkic commuinity made it easier to move he said "There was always someone who understood Turkish, but since I can speak good english it has become less needed." Serkan Turkmen also commented that he would hope to make a big difference to the teams title challenge.

Unlucky Soro is missed again.
The Turks have already played Nethertopia in the BoF but yet they have never had the chance to play against marksmen Abdulaye Soro, who made a name for him self at the competition. The Turkic team have said they wish him a speedy recovery and hope to play against him one day.

...on 'Theology Tonight' Fr. Seraphim the Occasionally Dangerously Free-thinking Theologian discusses "Quartodecimans - Was St. Polycarp of Smyrna a Heretic?" But next on Monastic Television, it's the return of your favourite God-fearing football commentators....

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

WORLD CUP TONIGHT

With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated

"So, Fr. John... Another World Cup - and for at least the third time since we began participation, the tournament's taking place duing Great Lent."

"Unfortunate timing, Fr. Nicholas, as the squad will be on Lenten rations during training. It's hard to stay fit on a diet of lentils, chickpeas, mushrooms and vegetables"

"And fruit, Fr. John"

"Of course. Mustn't forget those vital bananas and oranges. But it is not for us to question God's unknowable wisdom. We experience the Lord through his energies, even while his essence remains unknowable."

"A fine summary of Palamite doctrine there, Fr. John. What about the Archregimancy's new pitch, though?"

"I can think of nothing more appropriate for this Lenten season, Fr. Nicholas. Instead of the tawdry distractions of a large scale football stadium, the natural setting of a peaceful woodland glade allows us to better appreciate His creation in all its wonder."

"But some are expressing concerns that the grass might be a little long for international football, that the molehills might disrupt the flow of the game, and that only allowing one man and his dog as visiting support from non-Orthodox nations isn't quite in the spirit of international football."

"Petty complaints by anti-Orthodox conspirators, no doubt, Fr. Nicholas. Just the sort of thing that you'd expect schismatics and heathens to come up with. Why, I have it on good authority that Metropolitan Silouan of Xenophon himself passed the pitch as fit for international football."

"And Metropolitan Silouan's qualifications to make that judgement are....?"

"That he was appointed by the Holy Synod, after fasting and prayer, to reach a decision. Surely you're not accusing a bishop of bias, Fr. Nicholas?"

"Naturally not, Fr. John"

"And besides, our first two matches are away from home. We don't have to have the international class underground dressing room that we've promised to visiting teams ready before the crunch visit from Sqournshelous on match day three."

"And your predictions this Lenten qualification, Fr. John?"

"My prediction is that our squad of anonymous monks shall accept Our Lord and Saviour's will, whatever He wishes to come to pass. But that said, Sqournshelous are going to be pretty hard to budge from the top spot...."

Some woman wearing white and young redheaded girl ...

Flo: Hello, this is Flo Haven for Christian Media News! I'm with spokesperson for the Dallas family, Princess Marie Antoinette Dallas.
Marie: Hello everyone
Flo: You've just had the funeral of grandmother, Natasha Dallas. How much was she part of your lives.
Marie: Well, she was the founding mother of the Dallas clan in Jeruselem. People may not know much about her but we all miss her.

Flo: For the viewers, she was a Catholic?
Marie: Yes, not the stereotypical Catholic mum but she was a Catholic.
Flo: Why not Protestant? or a real Christian?
Marie: Well, since she was whore ... those real Christians you represent would have shunned her and even abused her in public. The local Catholics were nicer people. She was Ariddian too, at that time - they didn't like Ariddians either being commies as such.

Flo: Now, they say she was one of Jeruselem's best whores.
Marie: Well, yes. Popular girl with her clients while she was in the business. We all know who number one is ... my Mum!
Flo: Yes, it seems Dazza learnt a lot off her Mum. Now, what about yourself? Are you going to be a normal girl or a whore like your Mum and sisters?
Marie: I am a normal girl, just with whorish tendencies.

Flo: When are young going to embrace the real church of salvation?
Marie: You must be joking. I went to one of your churches. The Pastor spent all his time slagging my mother. You people have no respect.
Flo: But your mother is no example to follow.
Marie: She's not perfect but she's not evil either. Not many women born in sin, become shining examples of success like my mother. If you people had your way, she doesn't exist.

Flo: We offer the light to people to live in darkness.
Marie: Yeah, some artificial light not the real thing. I prefer to live the shadows.
Flo: You are a character, far too questioning of the truth.
Marie: The truth you see if just fog to me. I want my vision unobstructed by fog? No thanks.

Flo: You seem quite eleqant in your spoken manner for such a young girl.
Marie: Well, Mum is an Ambassador. Us girls, like to be well spoken. Us girls don't have much voice but we make sure we can be heard.
Flo: You'd make a good spokesperson for our mission should you join us.
Marie: You're asking the wrong person to join you.

Narrator: And now it’s time for another edition of your Pocono City Sports Report. Here’s your host, the one and only, Meghan Traynor!

Traynor: Thanks and I have some help, this person to my left is, well you know him, it’s Mr. Kevin Collins. Good morning Kevin!

KC: Why good morning Meghan, I say we get right to it, we have a lot to cover. Friendlies. Not so friendlies. The World Cup 40 qualifying hysteria is just so strong right now I can’t think of anything else. It would have helped if we had a better OBIRA race win to talk about, but hey, let’s move to soccer, or as most of the world calls it, football.

MT: Brian Foley’s 3rd place finish was your best OBIRA finish for Newmanistan. Good run, but let’s get to the world’s football, and make some group predictions.

KC: The conventional prediction process has been, take the top two seeds from each group and predict them. Ok, we’re done. So let’s do it a little differently. Meghan’s where’s the biggest sleeper right now for qualifying?

MT: Group 11, of course! Seriously, don’t count out the Rockets. If Newmanistan can get four wins against the lower seeds, and get a split against Kelssek, they could legitimately find themselves in that 2nd-3rd place playoff. Get one game, anything can happen.

KC: There’s a bit of a hometown bias there though, don’t you think?

MT: The Kelssek games are absolutely critical. Now, we don’t need Kelssek getting any points with Kura-Pelland though. We just need the top 2 teams to do their thing, we stun Kelssek, and we get into that playoff, then hope for an upset. Is it what I am predicting? No, but it’s what defines a sleeper, and that’s what you wanted to know.

KC: Ok, now pick someone else though.

MT: The Fujisawan Territories in Group 10. Could set up for them a bit like how I laid out the set up for a Newmanistan shocker. So, who’s your sleeper?

KC: Naboombu Umbongo. Why? I don’t know. I just like the name. Seriously, a team we saw in the Baptism of Fire. Terreiro de Ogum in Group 15.

MT: How?

KC: Capitalizt SLANI does their thing, runs the table. Terreiro de Ogum wins the games they should, then beats those Cup of Harmony winners to make sure they get a chance to repeat in the Cup of Harmony and don’t accidentally qualify for the World Cup!

MT: Yeah, I’m sure that’s actually how Jeru FC is looking at it.

KC: Well, I had to pick a sleeper somewhere. Next question: Which top seed is most likely to win all of their qualifying games?

MT: Bettia. To me, group 3 is Bettia, and then everyone else.

KC: I was going to say Bettia as well. Screw it, I can’t find anyone else. Bettia for me too.

MT: Next: Team ranked in the top 20 mostly likely to choke and not qualify?

KC: Group 9 to me looks like the tough one. You got 14th rated Ad’ihan, 19th rated Wentland, and a gritty 42nd rated Prux. If someone in the top 20 fails to qualify, it’s going to be in this group, and whoever Prux beats out. Kiryu-Shi is no pushover either. For the sake of picking one, I’ll choose Wentland.

MT: Group 9 is a rough draw for those nations. I think all the other top 20 teams look to be fairly safe to at least qualify for World Cup 40, except Ad’ihan and Wentland. The draw did them no favors. I’ll pick the other one, Ad’ihan.

KC: Ok, we must go to our first commerical break. This segment of the program was brought to you by Newman Lite. The best Lite beer in the Empire! Less Filling, Tastes well, at least you know its Less Filling.

MT: And I believe we’re about to see the new Newman Lite ad featuring Jeremy McAllister and Julie McElroy, so don’t change that channel!

OOC: Disclaimer - Please note that being Northern Bettian, this news report is written from a highly biased point of view, and therefore not all facts stated may strictly be accurate. Any offence caused is strictly IC!

The Anyuna Observer: that cup will look good on my mantlepiece
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y231/bettia/nbet-badge.gif
Fire Ants On The Rampage

Fans across Northern Bettia were rejoicing after their team were into what the manager Iwan Obani referred to as 'a piss-easy group'. He told the Anyuna Observer "Obviously we're starting off with the toughest game possible here, an away match with Yafor 2, but after that it'll get easier. Qualification should be a doddle! My only concern is that once again referees used within this tournament will be highly biased against us, as we have seen time and time again. The number of times we have had players sent for for nothing more than an ankle tap whilst opposition players have got off scot free is quite astonishing. Thankfully, the FANB have taken measures to prevent this happening by appealing the referee's better natures." When pressed as to whether this means bribing match officials, Obani declined to comment.

"Out of all the other teams in our group, only Taeshan have any sort of experience at this level, but we don't fear them one bit. We don't fear anyone. We have no reason too. With the formible players we have at our disposal, along with the strength in depth our squad selection offers in case of any corrupt card-happy referees, and the exemplary support given to us by our always well-behaved fans, it'll be the rest of the world who shall fear us!"

Obani was then asked about his team's preparations for this qualifying campaign. "I'm glad to say we've been promised a lot of support from the nation's armed forces. Obviously, this mostly means the use of training facilites at miltary bases in central Northern Bettia, but I've been told we can also expect further help off the field. I haven't been told exactly what this would be, but I'm sure it'll help us greatly."


Fixtures / Results

MD..OPPONENT...............VENUE......RESULT (SCORERS)


Qualifying Group 10

01: Yafor 2................Away.......
02: Fujisawan Territories..Away.......
03: Aqua Teen Hungerland...HOME.......
04: Kereca.................Away.......
05: Taeshan................HOME.......
06: Yafor 2................HOME.......
07: Fujisawan Territories..HOME.......
08: Aqua Teen Hungerland...Away.......
09: Kereca.................HOME.......
10: Taeshan................Away.......

Tynelia Faces Familiar Foes
Once again Tynelia finds itself as the top seed in their group and fans hope that like last time the team takes the group. Especially since this time the top two teams do not automatically move on but instead the second and third place squads will find themselves part of a playoff pool. Which means second place might not even advance which makes winning the group all the more important.

This could almost be a blast from the past group for Tynelia however as we find familiar names Rejistania, Legalese and Bazalonia drawn with us. For older readers they may find it ironic to see Legalese as the lowest seed in the group as Legalese in fact was one of the hosts in Tynelia’s Baptism of Fire tournament so long ago. Rejistania was also one of the top ten teams in the world at that time only to vanish then return a few cups back. It was hinted that Tynelia’s earlier defensive style was in part based on studying Rejistanian tactics as giving the team the best chance for success back then. As for Bazalonia, we last faced them in the group stage of the last WC and proved to be Tynelia’s only victory in the group as both teams found themselves on the outside looking in at the end.

The two newer teams Wijaska Island and Kose and the Turkomans, are new to us though the Turkomans press seems quite confident in their chances of doing well. In fact the Turkomans managed to finish as the runner-ups in their BoF so they should come in with a lot of confidence. These are also the types of teams that in the past Tynelia has found ways to fall flat on their faces so its hoped that the team remembers those harsh lessons this time around.

As is common for Tynelia no matter where we are ranked, the foreign presses around the world are giving us little credit with most giving the Bazalopes the top spot and Tynelia lucky to move on even via the playoffs. It seems the team is still suffering from their many cups of underachieving before finally breaking through and qualifying several cups back. Even a semi-final appearance in WC38 has not been enough to silence these critics or give Tynelia any sort of respect among their peers. Arguably they may be seen as the weakest top ten team in the history of the WC. Hopefully a strong effort here will final be enough for the long sought respect from the rest of the world.

------------
<elsewhere>

Brother James looked around at the gathered flock of New Othydoxic Christian Church of Reborn Othydoxy members just outside the soccer field where the post match soccer game will take place. He smiled inwardly at the sight of the nearly hundred people gathered here today remembering back when the entire church membership could fit in his living room. But coming back to the present Brother James began his sermon to conclude the mass.

“Let us pray my brothers and sisters, pray that the Lord of Scores will again smile upon us, now that Brother Lee again coaches our holy team. Let His blessings fall upon our strikers that their shots unerringly find the net beyond the keeper. Let Him grant Brother Lee the wisdom needed to come up with the most effective attacks that their successful execution bring forth His blessings. May Brother Lee’s stand as one of Thine own openly and without reservation be the final cog needed for Thy ultimate blessing of a Worlcd Cup championship so that all the unbelievers shall see Thy true glory at long last.

“May the Prophetess Margaret shine down upon Thy players and ward them from the taint of the beliefs of the unbelievers and shelter them even from their own misguideness that all shall fall under Thy will O Lord of Scores. Let Saint Michael look down and mock the Keepers of the other teams that they will not concentrate on their task and ease the path of Thy blessings to Thy team’s shots.

“We ask this O Lord of Scores that thy growing truth open the eyes of even the most vocal of unbelievers so that all may bask in thy glory for now and forever. Amen.”

“Amen.” replied the congregation.

“Now let us go to the field of play and draw the lots to see who shall glory in our Lord’s will by being chosen as part of the teams for our celebration of His glory.” Brother James said as the faithful made their way out to the soccer field for their match.

Tonight on Sports Tonight; Hakan Erkan speaks to Sinan Kose and new assistant manager, Ex-international Hakan Izmir
HE: Well now we have two people both played in the last BoF one has just been apointed national team assistant manager and the other has been a transfer rumor victim. Please welcome Sinan Kose and Hakan Izmir.

The crowd burst into applaud

HE: So the first question is do you think you deserved to lose in the final

SK: To be honest yes, when you play like Newmanistan did you just can't deserve to win unless you match their efforts, which would be difficult given the fatigue some of the starting XI were feeling.

HI: I have to agree with my young friend, they played to the max but Sabri made a breakthrough but after that we ran out of steam.

HE: Now to a more sensitive issue Sinan, is a transfer in the works.

SK: I'll tell you what I told everyone else, I wont be pressured into a move and even if there is an attractive offer I wont make a move until later in the qualifying.

HE: Now to Hakan, how do you think this team squares up to the rest of the group?

HI: Well I think the Rejistania games will be important if we are to have a chance of a Top 3 finish, but we should not expect too much too soon it takes time to adapt to internation football.

HE: And now for the final question, Sinan out of all the players on the team who do you respect the most?

SK: I respect them all as they are all the building blocks to any possible sucess, but if I had to pick it would be Uzulmez he's built a sturdy defence out of all of the inexpierienced players.

HE: Well thats all we have time for folks, I wish you good night.

Graham Partland was sat at a table, with microphones in front of him, and a board behind him showing off the logos of the F.A. and the national team's sponsor.

“Graham, what do you make of the draw?”

“Well,” he began, his first words as Bostopia manager since the initial press conference, “I did think we had a good group, until the officials decided to point out only one team went through.”

“You're not happy with the qualifying format?”

“I don't think anyone but the first seeds are, frankly. Talk about a way to make sure the top teams go through. It's either a commercial money spinning exercise, getting the big money sponsors in, or it's just a ridiculous format. We don't have playoffs in Bostopia, you either get the points, or you don't.”

“And you'd know about that?” Some stifled laughs from the collective press.

“Yes, I'm aware we failed to reach the First Division three seasons ago because our goal difference was +31 and Sunappolis were on +32. But who finished sixth in the First Division last season, and who finished 15th in the Second Division? These things work out one way or another.”

“So if Bostopia qualified via the playoffs, you'd accept that?”

“I'd rather we won the Group. But when the top team in the group is practically the Best XI of a number of nations, you know it won't be easy. If we can grab points off ESF, Vyinta, Turruth Gordor and Assegai Developments, then I'll be a happy man.

“But the playoffs?”

“Yes, I'd take qualification via the bloody playoffs.”

“You selected a young team for the World Cup, why?”

“Because they're the best players to do the job, and it's a great compliment to the work of coaching staff up and down the country.”

“Not least yourself?”

“I assume you're commenting on Mark Newkey, the only Southenham player in there?”

“Yes.”

“Well, it's not all me. As the first team manager I can give him some playing time in the big league here and there, but it's mainly up to the youth coaches, though he wouldn't be here if it wasn't for the work of Daniel Fenrick, the scout who found him playing in Fort Boston Park half a dozen years ago.”

“Southenham were scouting parks then?”

“Yes, you'll remember six years ago we weren't running on much money, but Mr. Carlyle had a vision for Southenham which is now realised, but at the time, we'd scout the parks and local Sunday and Saturday leagues to find a player or two who might have been overlooked, or we saw had masses of potential. I'm not taking away from any other central defender in the squad, especially not Mauer, but I do believe Newkey will become the rock of the team for years to come.”

“Yet he's not been named captain.”

“You've noticed. While Newkey is an exceptionally talented player in his position, Loewe is also exceptionally talented, but also has more spark to him when it comes to influencing the players around him. I'm sure Mark and the other players would agree, Loewe has what it takes to drive the team on via goals, his play and his words.”

“Two friendlies coming up, home versus Ad'ihan and then away versus Sel Appa. Any expectations?”

“I'm looking for two wins, obviously. Ad'ihan may be a relatively new-ish team on the scene, but they're by no means an easy target for a friendly. Against Sel Appa, the fans will of course be looking to come home delighted with an away win, but Sel Appa are a strong team. If we play to our best, we can match any team, and I'm sure we could win.”

Home game vs ATH-Docktown Memorial Stadium 490,000 seats
Home game VS Kereca-Atlantea Collesium 590,000 seats
Home Game vs Fujisiwan Territories-Atlantea Collesiu8m
Home Game vs Yafor 2-X Island Metropark 690,000 Seats
Home Game vs Northern Bettia-X island Metropark

(note Zeke memorial park is not being used due to short # of teams)

Terreiro citizens glad that list of players is now fully complete!

It was with big excitement that the news that the organizators of Terreiro de Ogum's National Team were able to finish the full list of players that are going to play the WC40 qualifiers. In the Baptism of Fire, only the starting eleven had their names in the list. Now, all the 25 players of the team are in the list, with their full names, information and rituals! Glory to the orixás!

On another news, the Terreiro de Ogum fans already know the opponents of the National Team in these qualifiers. The team had the bad luck of being in the same group of both the current best country of the world, Capitalizt SLANI, and of the current Cup of Harmony champion, Jeru FC. This without talking about Sorthern Northland, a country that played the last World Cup. A pai-de-santo said: "They can have more experience, they can have more football quality, but we have the orixás! Let's see if they can compete against our superior spiritual strength!"

TIME FOR ANOTHER WORLD CUP!
Monopolists ready for another qualifying campaign!

As Breno Gavião loves to say during his Globo Multimedia broadcasts: "Another season, another Worrrrrld Cup!" Yes, it's time for the World Cup, something that the Cafundelenses love to watch, following their National Team or their favourite players. This time, Cafundéu is a top 10 country, and will use a team full of players that will play in a cup for the first time.

The group draw was already made. Cafundéu was placed in Group 2, which was a very good draw for the Monopolists. Their big threat, Quakmybush, actually has an obscure team, as their media sources don't appear very much. And the third seed, Dancougar, is in a distant 52th place in the KPB rankings. So, this can be considered a very easy group, where the first three countries will probably get the three places, with Cafundéu probably getting the automatic qualifier spot. But... Cafundéu is known for difficult qualifying stages... Dancougar can surprise us, Quakmybush... maybe. The Monopolists need to get prepared.

List of games:

FR01 - Cafundéu x Valanora
MD01 - Dancougar x Cafundéu
MD02 - Hopeful SC x Cafundéu
MD03 - Cafundéu x Krasslor
MD04 - Gweridijongya x Cafundéu
MD05 - Cafundéu x Quakmybush
FR02 - Vephrall x Cafundéu
MD06 - Cafundéu x Dancougar
MD07 - Cafundéu x Hopeful SC
MD08 - Krasslor x Cafundéu
MD09 - Cafundéu x Gweridijongya
MD10 - Quakmybush x Cafundéu

Stadiums Used:

FR01 - Obelisco Monumental, in Lasft (cap. 220,000)
MD03 - Arena América, in Abadia (cap. 100,000)
MD05 - Praça Maior, in Cafundó do Juta (cap. 180,000)
MD06 - Obelisco Monumental, in Lasft (cap. 220,000)
MD07 - Toca do Tatu, in Central City (cap. 85,000)
MD09 - Maracatuzão, in Dunboor (cap. 120,000)

The friendly between the Cafundelense League Best XI and Yafor 2 will be played in the Praça Maior stadium, in Cafundó do Juta.

OOC: This RP was influenced by a serious lack of sleep, and does not necessarily reflect the true course of events.

Morgan rounded the corner at speed, but managed only to career into another wall. By now though he barely noticed, bouncing off it like a pinball and off down another side street. He risked stopping for a breather here, jamming his fingers into the gaps between bricks where the mortar had been washed away, to stop himself from collapsing.

He needed to rest properly, to sleep, to eat. But he couldn’t risk staying in one place for any length of time. It was worse now it had gotten dark, and at times he was merely guessing where he was going. He’d long since lost his map and his mobile would be useless here even if he still had it.

At least they weren’t still following him directly now, which was a plus. Morgan had taken enough random turns to keep them off the scent, but they’d still be around. They hunted in packs; he’d learnt that to his cost. And as soon as he’d shaken off one, another would pop up in its place.

He wandered on a little farther, listening intensely for the merest hint of their tell-tale cries. From here it was only a short run to the main road, but would that actually achieve anything? There’d be plenty of people there, surely, at this time of night. And policemen too. But Morgan had been here long enough now to feel justified in wondering if they’d help him, or merely add to his woes.

It had all started so well. It had been the highest-profile assignment he’d been given for months, and the first time Rick Carthy, the Herald’s sports editor, had sent him abroad since the Baptism of Fire. Eight years… It seemed, well, it seemed rather less than that, actually, but that was time dilation for you. Tracker Edwards had filled him in on the basics, but then the old duffer also kept on about elves and gnomes and government conspiracies, given half the chance, so what did he know? But then, Edwards was just about the most travelled man in Candelariasian history while all this was still very new indeed to Morgan Fattori. Usually, he just counted himself lucky when Carthy deigned to let him cover a minor CMSC game. Division Three was his usual haunt. So a trip to Hopeless SC, to find out some frivolous background details about the KT Hotspur midfielder Wally Milton for the Sunday interview bit? He’d practically bitten Rick’s hand off.

But Morgan hadn’t expected all this. As soon as he’d landed the locals had been all over him, such was the popularity of Milton over here. No street here in the capital was complete without at least one person wearing a KT Hotspur no. 8 replica shirt. “Are they going to win the title this season?” he was implored. “Is Wally going to be player of the year? Have they really got enough defensive quality to cope with Thomas Larson’s preferred 6-3-1? How about that Özkan Yalçin; is he gonna work well with Wally? What about that Allen Gallagher; can he really be relied upon to put away all the chances Wally creates for him?” Even the President had requested a meeting.

And sure, Morgan had enjoyed the attention for a bit. But then Trevor Organ, out of the blue, was announced as the new Hopeless SC national team manager, and it had all gone off. Suddenly they had been everywhere; the national animal. The Obsessed Fan. Everywhere he’d turned, there they had been. “Does Trevor like a flat-back four or wing-backs?” they’d ask. “One up, one off, one in the hole? Is it true he might consider using little Brian Wilkins in the libero role, like he did with Shane Wojciechowski against Arrigo Portuguese in the league last year? What about Hawkins and Larkin; are they going to be a carbon copy of Vanderpent-Cunningham, with Hawkins playing the three-quarters position? Say, what do you Candelarians think of Ron Matthews? He’s a lot like your José Luis Sosa, don’t you think? I reckon he’s gonna be the key. Mr. Fattori? Mr. Fattori? Where are you going? MR. FATTOOOORIIII!”

God, what was this country?! They had footballs for currency! They had ‘Sports Club’ in their name, for heaven’s sake!

“Hey, is Trevor gonna get them to do short corners? I’ve never seen the point in short corners.” “Hey, is Lloyd Donnelly gonna play Rex Sandstrom up front in the friendly, with Ignacio Vélez off playing for the Cafundéu League XI?” “You’re gonna play a diamond though, aren’t you? So José Felipe Cassumba Domingos can run into the space Ramiro Novo makes with his back to goal?” “Do you think Dale Carpenter’s gonna be able to exploit the gap behind William Burgos? ‘Cos with O’Sullivan Caras so slow now Burgos’s got to use the channels and overlap him, which means it’s gotta be Ben Young as the first defender, right?” “Hey, do you think Trevor’s gonna stop Antonio Hall doing those step-overs? ‘Cos Larson wasn’t too keen. I don’t reckon he’s gonna let Aaron Kortsarian have that much freedom for the Spur, either. Mr. Fattori? Mr. Fattori? MR. FATTOOOOORIIII?!”

Morgan didn’t know. He didn’t know any of it. He was just a third division sportswriter. He wrote on Deportivo María and Dublynne Raiders. He said if Eoin Osmer had scored again, if Michael Smith looked recovered from injury, if Oscar Ariel Pérez had had a good game in goal. And it didn’t matter what he wrote because there’d only been one man and his dog at the game and nobody was going to complain if he got his facts wrong.

He didn’t know if Organ was planning to employ neat little triangles. He didn’t know who this Triangles fella was. He hadn’t know any of it.

So he’d ran. He couldn’t think of what else to do. He’d ran, and was running still, and knew he would be running until the obsessed fans lost interest.

“Mr. Fattoooorii,” came the plaintive cry from the distance. “Will Trevor be playing Wally as a deep-lying playmaker, do you think?!”

Morgan shuddered, breathed out slowly, steadied himself and began to run again; back out into the cool Hopelessian night.

Warmup match- Casari @ Tyrellian International Football Club, Tyrellia Hill

The first warmup match of the year, and the team looked a bit disorganized.

"Damnit, Lornair, what are you doing?!?" Hill yelled, standing in the middle of the international penalty box, watching the cross swing up and over the goal.

"It's still 0-0, I'll get it one of these times, don't worry."

It was still 0-0, and that was thanks to the excellent press being put on by the defense, but the offense was refusing to click. Tapperossi neatly fielded the goal kick and pushed it forward again with another attack. Lornair got the pass, running it up the side once again, stopping to take aim and trying to cross it again, with the same result- swinging in and up, over the crossbar. Hill stopped again. "Lornair!"

"What!"

"Quit trying to bend the damn thing into the goal already!"

Lornair sighed and began trotting back towards midfield, shaking her head.

---

Once Lornair shook the need to score from an 80 degree angle, the rest of the match went rather nicely- a pair of goals for Lienzi, who had inherited the left forward position after the international retirement of Peter Danialson, one for Hill, who showed no signs of slowing down, and one for Scorrin, who had also moved up to the starting eleven and who had a knack for showing up in the path of the ball out of nowhere.

More interestingly, it was possibly the first match for the National team ever where all three (or more) of the scorers were female. In fact, six of the starters were women, making the men a minority in the tartan kits for the first time in the team's history. But most people were more excited about the stadium remaining lit throughout the match, as the electrical problems throughout the city continued for reasons that nobody could identify.

Hill's thought process, however, wasn't focused on any of that. Glancing at Lornair, she shook her head. "What the hell made you think you could bend the ball into the goal from there?"

"Saw it on TV once."

Welcome to the Kingdom of Dancougar! To those nations who will be visiting over the next few months, we've compiled this handy guide of things you should know. Well, things we think you should know. We don't know where your priorities... bah, let's just get on with it.

History

Once upon a time, a boatload of Europeans showed up on the coast and found the land to be expansive, rich, and inhabited. That problem went away with the arrival of the pox, or was it something else? Take your pick, really. One outpost, then another, and then ownership changed hands a few times after some good ol' dynastic warfare. The British ended up with ownership of the territory, which, if nothing else, could offer prime shipbuilding material and space for cricket pitches. This was because the territory wasn't really astride any of the important trading routes of the empire, so it was regarded as generally unimportant.

Eventually, Britain could no longer maintain all its overseas territories, so it broke open the independence piñata and everyone scrambled to snag the goodies. The citizens of this far-flung territory, not sure how to procede, set up a monarchy and awarded the post to the former Royal Governor, who was down with that. But what to call the place? Well, it could count among its ethnic inhabitants the Japanese, who had found good fishing along the coast. The old natives had a legend of a powerful warrior who had led them to the land, a man who could boast the strength of an elephant, the keen senses of an eagle, the speed of a cougar, and the instincts of a tiger. No, lion. Liger. What the hell? The Japanese realized that this was remarkably similar to the makeup of the titular combining robot of the 1985 anime series Choju Kishin Dancougar. Ta freaking da.

Politics

The Kingdom of Dancougar is a large, safe nation thanks to its vigilant police force. It affords its citizens plenty of rights in their private lives, but the public sphere is tightly regulated to keep things peaceful and ordered. Public demonstrations generally don't last long before the tear gas comes out, and interest groups are just banned straight up. The king is more than happy to take your views into consideration, but the thought of a loud, angry minority directing policy for the entire nation is viewed as absurd.

Visiting fans should keep this in mind when they decide to party in the streets after crushing the Dancougar national team. Yes, there are bars and clubs, and yes, you can expect to be offered the same police protection as any other citizen, but disorderly conduct is frowned upon and will likely get you deported. Criminal activity will land you in one of our excellent correctional institutions.

Football

Football in the kingdom has been around for some time, but only recently has it ventured into the world of international competition. The first college leagues were founded a little over twenty years ago in the area surrounding the capital, Yuki City, in the heartlands of the nation. Since then, college football has grown to include 216 schools playing in 24 conferences. After the fall seasons conclude, each conference sends its champion to a tournament played in the spring, and the field is augmented by 16 additional teams chosen at the discretion of a national committee. The format has proven popular with the fans.

There is no sign of a professional league. The economics of Dancougar do not permit the accumulation of too much wealth in one place without proper redistribution, and the economics of football are seen as running counter to that. Even the college game is struggling to cope with the influx of cash that rising attendance and merchandise sales are bringing in. Plans for a single entity league have been bandied about, but nothing has come of it. Until then, the only recourse for the best college players is to hope for a career somewhere overseas, with recognition coming from good performances on the world stage.

Dancougar first entered competition in World Cup 39 and won the Baptism of Fire behind its team of college all-stars. It finished fourth in a group of eight in its first qualifying effort, one spot out of qualification, and was eliminated in the first round of the Cup of Harmony after being drawn in a group with the two eventual finalists. Dancougar, despite this decent first showing, has drawn a lot of flak for its rapid ascent in the world rankings despite a less-than-impressive body of work. And that criticism is deserved - discounting the Baptism of Fire, the national team has lost more games than its won and given up far more goals than it has scored.

All games played by the national team take place in the National Stadium in Yuki City, the capital, unless otherwise noted. The capacity is 70,000 and it is the largest stadium in the nation, although some of the larger colleges are thinking of expanding their capacities greatly to handle demand.

Fans

Dancougar fans traveling overseas will have no problems in nations that restrict rights and movement, since that is similar to what they deal with at home. But when going to freer states, some tend to lose themselves in their temporary freedom. Dancougar would prefer to deal with offenders in its own courts, but recognizes that some nations have a harder line, and warns all fans traveling overseas of the consequences.

Fans can often be spotted in the black and white of the national team, but many prefer just to wear their favorite college's kit. Almost all of them will bring a black towel to games to wave while they cheer on the team, known as the Horrible Hand-Towel.

All your RPs are belong to us.

FRIENDLY MATCHDAYS A/B/C CUT-OFF

World Cup 40 Qualifiers
PQF: HAN 2-1 ESF (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD1: HAN(26) --- (167)ENG (@ Oromokojei Football Stadium, Oromokjei)
MD2: HAN(26) --- (61)MGV (@ Sanghae National Football Stadium, Sanghae)
MD3: JAR(59) --- (26)HAN
MD4: SJV(154) --- (26)HAN
MD5: HAN(26) --- (16)CAS (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MQF: TBD
MD6: ENG(167) --- (26)HAN
MD7: MGV(61) --- (26)HAN
MD8: HAN(26) --- (59)JAR (@ Munhwa Football Stadium, Hanseong)
MD9: HAN(26) --- (154)SJV (@ King Kim Iljei Memorial Football Stadium, Malnira)
MD10: CAS(16) --- (26)HAN

Ioshido will have some encouragement coming out of the 2-1 friendly win over Valanora in Hangyeong. It was a fiesty affair with both sides looking to make the best of the opportunity. Kim Daeeui started the firing, scoring in the 6th minute of play. Valanora quickly equalized soon thereafter, holding out until the half. Ioshido made a few substitutions at half, trying out some of the new players. It was ultimately a 76th minute goal by Son Daeho that clinched the win. "The players performed admirably. It proves to me that we can compete with the best teams in the world and come out on top. Nonetheless, we did struggle. Possession wasn't our greatest highlight, but defense was admirable. We will need to strengthen our midfield and increase the range of our strikers to make better opportunities. I think it's safe to say that our finishing quality is superb though. Valanora was a great opponent, and on another day they could have taken away the win. I think that they will have learned much from this match as well in their preparation against teams away from home."


And now a special feature by MBC International:

"국제험담"
International Gossip

Well, it's time to get the scoop on what our opponents are doing right now, and to do this job, we've gotten the best reporters out there getting the dirty news about our opponents. After all, a civilization cannot be best judged by its virtue but rather by its vices, and in these episodes, we will explore and expose the worst of other countries.

Our first trip will take us to Engbec, which is rather odd. We went to the country and our reporters were somewhat confused at what the country was supposed to be. The people there rallied around tanks and wore extremely short shorts. The ladies wore in particular short shorts (if at all). And everything there was pink and lavender, two colors known to be associated with vile cricket-eaters. The men wore primarily pink while the ladies wore primarily lavender. And everywhere our reporters went, they stuck like sore thumbs. To wear a disguise would be the greatest dishonor to any Han citizen (so much as if it were torturous to imagine), so the Han ended up having to hide around the massive columns of tanks.

http://cache.viewimages.com/xc/79155556.jpg?v=1&c=ViewImages&k=2&d=17A4AD9FDB9CF1933EFCA682023730383C375DCF6FB09BE3284831B75F48EF45
Native Engbec citizens on a tank parade

If only we had better pictures...

World Cup 40 Qualifiers
MD1: SOL(58) --- (173)PRA
MD2: PRA(173) --- (3)ESF (@ Praži Štadyon oř’Futbol, Praz)
MD3: BLU(64) --- (173)PRA
MD4: PRA(173) --- (153)AGR (@ Praži Štadyon oř’Futbol, Praz)
MD5: BOS(24) --- (173)PRA
MQF: TBD
MD6: PRA(173) --- (58)SOL (@ Praži Štadyon oř’Futbol, Praz)
MD7: ESF(3) --- (173)PRA
MD8: PRA(173) --- (64)BLU (@ Praži Štadyon oř’Futbol, Praz)
MD9: AGR(153) --- (173)PRA
MD10: PRA(173) --- (24)BOS (@ Praži Štadyon oř’Futbol, Praz)

Well, whatever you want to say about Prazkoy, it's going to get the real Baptism of Fire experience (not that diluted competition among UNR members of the new football community...); and it's likely going to end in a bloodbath with Prazkoy on the receiving end of a delirious firing squad from Solenial. So in honor of this likely breakthrough, we're setting our word of day to reflect this:

Ňespičiťa = (nyehspeecheetyah) hopeless

ňe - negation particle
spičit - to hope
ťa - descriptive particle (state of being)

literally: "not in state of hope"

Sentence: "Prazkoy Komisat oř’Futbol ňespičiťa ya’šuťet."
Pronunciation: prahzkoy kohmeesaht orzhe'footbohl *** yah'shoo'tyeht
Translation: The hopeless Prazkoy Football Association will lose.
Literally: Prazkoy Committee of Football being hopeless, it will lose.

SCOTTY: Billed as a matchup of college all-stars, Dancougar taking on the Vephrall under-21 team in a pre-qualifying friendly without its professional starters. Charles DuPont takes the team on the road for his first game as coach, and we have the highlights to prove it. Dancougar, looking to avoid a repeat of the 4-0 drubbing the Vephrall senior side put on them four years ago. But this one was all Black Wings. Eighteenth minute, it's the national scoring champion Shishio Jinguuji taking it to the far post with this effort, 1-0 to the Wings. He breaks through on the left side and creates some space.

KENNETH: Dancougar playing this game with only college players, so quite a few of these guys coming off of the bench to play in the game. Good to get some action. Midfield needed three replacements, and here's one of them, Tom Derringer. Gets the cross from Underwood and heads down, save made, but Benjamin Whittaker is there for the rebound. And Whittaker makes it two in minute thirty six. Whittaker one of the Rizzi guys who got the nod despite the beating his side took in this summer's Turtle Cup.

SCOTTY: Fast forward to the second half, Patrick Vistula trying to get noticed after getting the start in place of Boris Boskov. Corner from Whittaker, and Vistula... big ups, son. The jump, the header, and we call that a goal in these parts. The towels will swirl as the lead is now 3-0, minute sixty two. And if that wasn't enough, Jinguuji will make if four just two minutes later. Gets the ball at the top of the box and sends it top shelf. And that's the way it ends - Dancougar, sans professionals, takes down the Vephrall youth 4-0.

KENNETH: Spirited play from the Black Wings in Charles DuPont's debut, but should we really be excited, Steve Teebone?

(Cut to another part of the studio for a pre-recorded segment.)

STEVE: It was definitely good to see the Dancougar offense click in last night's 4-0 romp over the Vephrall under-21 team, but they've proven nothing. None of the guys who were on the field for Vephrall will be joining the senior team, a perennial contender, when qualifying proper starts in a few weeks, so there's no way we can really use this to measure the strength of this team. That said, though, I was impressed with the play in the midfield to take control of the ball and create chances for the guys up front. Shishio Jinguuji showed us the awareness that we expected. But the defense didn't get a workout, so I still haven't formed any opinions of their quality.

THROUGH THE MIRACLE OF TIMEWARP TECHNOLOGY, ANOTHER FRIENDLY MATCHDAY? BELIEVE IT!

CHUCK: Beautiful weather in Yuki City tonight, as the Dancougar Black Wings host World Cup 39 semifinalist Casari for a friendly match. Hello everyone, welcome to DSPN's coverage of World Cup 40, I'm Chuck Secoll. A war of words between the FAs of these two nations led to this match, and we couldn't have picked a better night for it. Temperatures in the low sixties, a light wind, and clear visibility. With me in the booth tonight is Tom Dresden. Tom, what are the keys to the match?

TOM: Chuck, it's going to be how the guys in the middle deal with that balanced Casari attack. Diamond midfield, although they move around a lot, and you can be sure they're always going to be in the right place when the ball arrives. Defensively, it's going to be a good chance to see if that added speed is any help for the Black Wings, they're starting sophomore Evan Weatherford at left back, which surprised me given the kinds of guys he'll have to mark come qualifying time, and even tonight with that three-headed monster of Lienzi, Hill, and Epedan.

CHUCK: Anne Marie is on the sidelines for us tonight. Anne, a little background on this match, if you please.

ANNE: Not a problem, guys. I'm standing on the sideline next to the Golden Cake Pan, the challenge cup donated to the Dancougar FA specifically for matches between these two teams. The pan goes to the winner of the game, and in case of a tie, to the visiting team. I talked to Jericho Leyton during warmups and he said that the guys were going to make this a statement game, but Silvia Hill, the Casari forward, told me that her team has already picked out what they'll bake after the match is over.

CHUCK: Good to see both sides fired up, as we await the kickoff...

...

CHUCK: Leyton now, getting the ball in the center of the field, looking for help. He's got Morimoto to his left. Leyton plays it up to Ikeda, leaves it off for Morimoto. Into the BOOOOOX... over and out for a goal kick. He had Jinguuji running in.

TOM: He didn't hit it just right, Akira Morimoto, trying to cross it in off the first touch. Good run from Jinguuji, but Scott and Antari were both in there, they would've gotten to it first.

...

TOM: And that's going back to what you said about that left side, Scorrin has been getting a lot of open space, Morimoto has to close that down and play a little defense.

CHUCK: There's a foul in the middle by Boskov, free kick awarded to Casari. A little bump on Antari bringing the ball up, too much for the official's liking. That'll tee it up from thirty yards away, and here's a good dead ball chance for the Tartan kits.

TOM: Chuck, keep your eye on Hill, she's at the top of the box and she's been getting higher than Yamada on crosses tonight.

CHUCK: Granger sends it in. Hill gets into the air, it's HIIIILLLLLL... pushed over the bar by Watanabe! Hill got her head on it...!

TOM: I said to watch her!

CHUCK: ... And it's a corner. Leyton is into the box, which gives the Wings some height. Granger. The outswinger. Lornair off the ONE TIIIIME... wide of the post, goal kick.

TOM: Control the ball, take your time. Lornair got greedy, there was an opening to be sure, but it means nothing if you can't keep it down.

...

CHUCK: The referee checks his watch, and that'll about do it for half number one. Scoreless after forty five minutes at the National Stadium, both sides hanging in there, but plenty of chances.

...

CHUCK: We're down to the last half hour, and it's still knotted at zero. Casari are starting to play more assertive football. Tapperossi brings it forward, help to both sides. Plays it wide to Granger. Granger, oh, nifty little move to get past Underwood! Granger has space to set something up, into the middle. Lornair hits it low! Watanabe pushes it wide! OH, LIENZIIIIIIIIIIII!!! Reia Lienzi, out of nowhere! The rebound, the goal! Casari leads it!

TOM: Mistake by Watanabe, you need to hold onto low balls like that! But all credit to Reia Lienzi, with the awareness. Timed the run perfectly to stay onside, and pounces on the rebound.

CHUCK: And all of a sudden, the game changes, with Casari leading Dancougar 1-0...

...

CHUCK: Less than twenty minutes to play. Vistula, a sub for Boskov, DuPont giving the team another attacking option. But nowhere to go, so he's forced to play it back to Barclay. Barclay looking upfield, hits it back to Yamada.

TOM: And the Dancougar offense has been frustrated by that midfield diamond of Casari. It's been getting tighter and tighter, they're not getting through.

...

CHUCK: Leyton has the ball, plays it square to Whittaker. Whittaker leaves it for Vistula, the Wings are starting to push back. Vistula sets it up. In the middle, headed clear. Leyton gets control, now over to Whittaker.

TOM: Working that right side.

CHUCK: Whittaker pulls it back to Vistula. Vistula into the mixer. Jinguuji, HEADER! William, the reaction save! AND IKEDA GETS THE REBOUND! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!! The stadium erupts, it's the equilizer! Hideo Ikeda, the second effort, and it's all tied at one.

TOM: A glancing header by Jinguuji, redirected the ball towards the far post. William got a hand to it, but Ikeda was right there. And it looked a lot like that first goal. Once again, reflex versus reflex, and the forwards comes up the winner.

CHUCK: A 1-1 game, approaching ten minutes left, and now the question becomes, who has more in the tank, who has one more goal in them...

...

CHUCK: And that's two minutes, that's the whistle, and that will do it from Yuki City. Casari and Dancougar, a 1-1 draw, and while the Black Wings may be able to take away some positive from the game, they won't take away the Golden Cake Pan, which by rule passes to Casari, with an away draw.

Fauxhan Morning Herald

SPORTS

World Cup Groups Announced!

GROUP SIX
53 Rejistania
173 Legalese
9 Tynelia
103 Wijaska Island
21 Bazalonia
85 Kose and the Turkomans

Group six is made up of a number of very familiar faces, Rejistania, Legalese and Tynelia, as well as the recent Runner up in the Baptism of Fire, Kose and the Turkomans.

However alot has changed, Rejistania a nation that was a world power in soccer is now reduced to the 53rd rank in the world and is now split into the various many rejistanian nations. So it is expected that we would be able to handle this once powerful nation.

Perhaps the most surprising is the return of the Legal Republic into world Soccer, after being enveloped by Starblaydia it seems our favourite lawyers are back to play soccer with a vengance. Though they'll be much better at lawyering than they are at soccer, the only question is can they exploit any loopholes to actually win a game? We say no.

Tynelia, once again our top seeded opponents, it seems that most of the international media seem to think that we'll take top spot ahead of them and auto-qual for the World Cup Finals. However this is by no means certain, they are ranked 9th in the world for a reason. While we are only 21st... expect a hard fought close match, with the result down to the wire.

Wijaska Island, a nation not totally unknown to us, thanks to WorldVision and other such singing contests but they are totally new to the World cup just recently competing in the BoF with it's eventual runner-ups. Did you hear whipping boys? oh, yes you certainly did.

Kose and the Turkomans, runner-ups in the Baptism of fire these lot aren't something to be sneezed at but still there isn't really anything to say about these guys but perhaps they'll be lucky to get a few points.

Final Summation:

It's almost guaranteed that we will be in at least the play offs for a Qualification spot, if so then we should be able to make it through to the Finals with little problem, however a top spot and automatic qualification is certainlt not out of the picture either. Expect to see the boys and girls of the team in Starblaydia or Krytenia

THE ROCKET REPORT

NO GOALS, PLENTY OF PASSION

Pocono City, Newmanistan- In the books have been placed the first two global friendly results in Empire history. However, still not registered will be the Empire’s first ever goal scorer in such a match. Neither a home match against Starblaydia nor an away encounter against the Fujisawan Territories could produce a single goal, but that fact alone shouldn’t be the only thing we judge these two games on. The 1-0 defeat at the hands of the Territories and the 2-0 defeat to Starblaydia should be considered respectable finishes for the Empire as they begin to play teams of much greater prestige.

Pocono City Stadium sold out within six hours after the announcement that Starblaydia would be bringing their national team here, and they can take some sort of pride in knowing that they were the first out of region nation to play in Newmanistan. Fitting, since Newmanistan’s first ever out of region match was in Starblaydia, of course. Being a co-host, Starblaydia automatically qualifies for the World Cup, so any game they can have at this point is certainly welcome as they prepare to represent themselves well on their home turf. Fans welcomed the Starblaydis and politely applauded for their efforts during most of the match, especially once it appeared that the result was going to be as anticipated: A Newmanistan loss. The Starblaydi players were very professional in their approach, looking tactically very sound on the pitch as a cohesive unit. So to, did the Rockets, but everything the Rockets did, the Starblaydis had an answer for. At the games conclusion, both teams received a standing ovation, and most Starblaydi players signed autographs for Newmanistanian fans after the match.

The second friendly occurred with the Rockets traveling to the Fujisawan Territories in a rematch of the nations that played in the 4th edition of the Di Bradini Cup. The match was arranged immediately after that final, and once again the squads played to a 1-0 result. This time, though, it was the Territories getting the goal. Sakura Jo, the inspirational deaf goalkeeper, was brilliant in a match that may have saw the Rockets have the better scoring opportunities all game long. But Jo, as she was in the Di Bradini Cup, was absolutely unstoppable, and unquestionably motivated to beat the Rockets senior club after the U-21's knocked them off in the final. Afterwards, the entire Rockets side made sure to congratulate Jo , and to wish her and her team well in their qualifying efforts.

So, that’s two games, zero goals, zero points if we were keeping score. We could say that our lesson of why qualifying will be so significantly different then the Di Bradini Cup and the Baptism of Fire has begun. The results don’t exactly trigger a whole lot of confidence for our first two qualifying efforts either, which are at Kura-Pelland and at Milchama. But this is what’s it all about, and as long as our higher ranked opponents beat us with class, in the manner that Starblaydia and Fujisawan Territories have in these friendlies, the growing pains of our first qualifying effort might not be that difficult, after all.

It was the burial of Natasha Dallas. Security was tight with government security forces on alert keeping the public away from the Dallas family. A group of anti-Dallas demonstrators were taken away earlier.

Dazza Dallas was sobbing and carrying on, comforted by her husband Finn Fumbles. Debbie Dallas was all quiet and more controlled than her sister. Kate Dallas was released from the temple prison for the day, and spent most of the time crying on her husband's shoulder. Jacinta Dallas was not herself and didn't speak all day except to calm down her mother. Hikfie Dallas was her usual stupid self, and the cheeriest at the funeral. Dr Sally Dallas was with her husband. The Sallad girls and their mother were invited to the funeral. The Pointy Stick, Tunk and Kool family were there too. As expected, the Dallas great-grand children where there and all well behaved. Some of Natasha Dallas's relatives from Ariddia also attended. Also invited were some of Natasha Dallas's ex-clients when she was a whore.

A Bishop was present to read Natasha Dallas's last rites.

Later in the day, the Jeruselem and Jeru FC teams ran out on the football field. The game started with 1 minutes silence for Natasha Dallas, with both teams publicly playing tribute to the Dallas Matriarch and pledging to play their best in the World Cup 40 for Jeruselem. The Ariddian and Jeruselem anthems were played in memory of Natasha Dallas and her family. Jeruselem won the game 2-0.

Nethertopia 0-0 K&TT
Soro and Kose Missed
It was always going to be even with both teams experimenting with tactics, None of the first eleven played for the Turks. Soro was out with a "Stomach Injury", while Sinan was given the chance to rest. At Nethertopias Kick-off they nearly made a costly mistake and William-Fabro almost poked in the first goal, but it was routinely saved by the keeper.

In the 35th minute after much play at both ends Souleymane Diakité almost scored from point blank range but it was well held by Al-Kosedium, who began a probing peice of attacking play into their half which was when Serkan Turkmen showed his class by producing a shot from nothing, only to hit the bar.

After the half the Turks sped out and tested van Dalen Time and time again but couldn't breakthrough, but after much pressing Al-Dwadalah seemed to have got the winning goal, but was dissalowed for offside he showed his fury to the ref and was sent off.

In the dieing minutes of added time Nethertopia almost looped it over Al-Kosedium, but Lefter Alp cleared off the line. That move ended one of the best football matches ever played by the Turks, dispite not netting any goals.

'Lopes next
In the first qualifyer of the campaign, the Turks will take on the mighty Bazalopes away from home. Most commentators do not give us a hope in hell of pulling of an upset and most of the domestic press are saying this will be our first real match. Now lets take a step back because of the overwhelming support for the lopes the Turks will have to use their no fear tactic and will go out and play them to the end. Sinan Kose will be back and will need to be in the best of form to get a result as will all 11 men on the team.

THE NATIONSTATES INQUISITION: YAFALONIA AND BAZOR 2

now with smaller text!

As time goes on another miniscule amount of money enters into our coffers which allows us to every so often print and distribute this top qualitity free and independant news source to make sure everyone knows just how confused we are.

And now onto the next topic.. Politics...

http://i51.photobucket.com/albums/f387/Bazalonia/YB2pol.png

Yafalonia consists of the major western landmass and it's capital is Ferrywind Landing, and nearby western Islands, Bazor 2 consists of the major eastern Landmass and any eastern Islands. Both governments are seperate however there is a special area call "And Island" in the middle controlled by both and neither at the same time.

An International Date line runs through the middle of the otherwise un-remarkable town of Windywing the west side is one day later than the west side but otherwise the entirity of Y&B2 is in the same timezone. however this makes publishing our newspaper quite unusual as it is always printed a day earlier than we write it. The office of The Nationstates Inquisition obviously being ... right on the date line. We've even masking taped the area in.

It can be quite confusing when organising to meet a work compatriot as you or they might be a day earlier or later when they are going of one calendar and you are going off the other.

Um, where were we, ah, that's right, "And Island" is an administrative no mans land with neither government wanting the other one to have it. There s an And National Territory (ANT) Administration with officials from both sides. People Born in ANT have their own uniq1ue solution to the problem regards to Yafalonia and Bazor 2. They simple call themselves "Ampersand" or translated into a normal language, people of the And. This is why in most cases Yafalonia & Bazor 2 are refered to in this way as the '&' or Ampersand creates a link between the two nations.

Port Hallowwarren is best known for the FAIL Offices that are frequently totally empty as everyones seems to be following the team arround where-ever they go. However this tends to lead to a trail of letters criss-crossing the globe trying to catch up with them. Sometimes these letters get there sometimes, they never do apparantly there is an urban rumour going around that whenever there is no letters trying to catch up with FAIL, that is the trigger for the "End of the world as we know it"

Meanwhile in news actually to FAIL they failed to score a single goal against the whos-ii-whatsits from whereamajug in a 4 goal white wash. FAIL fail to to comment about failure.

World Cup Qualifying – Friendly

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/acapais.png Acapais : Jeruselem http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/jeruselem.png
2:3 (1:2)


Match Report:
Gaalsien Field, Slidell, Keenshire, Acapais – The first match of Acapais’s World Cup Qualifying campaign for World Cup XL was a friendly against Jeruselem and ended in a 3-2 victory for the visiting side on Saturday night. Although losing to a top class football team, manager Stephanie Horne has been taking serious fire from the media who say she is in danger of losing her job as manger of the Acapais national football team.

After only twelve minutes into the match, Hislop made a great save… I mean curling shot from just outside the eighteen that nicked the far post before it landed inside the net. Remarkably he scored by shooting with the outside of his left foot. Acapais responded promptly though thirteen minutes later sneaking between two defenders and heading Paroe’s cross home. Jeruselem tallied their second just before half time by a strike from captain Scarlet Ferris after receiving a through-ball from Mary Magalene.

In the second half, Castro earned a free-kick by getting clipped from behind about 25 yards from goal. Fronberry hit the free-kick beautifully to the second goal of the night for the home side. Hislop… I mean La Brai got a fingertip touch but it was not enough to keep it out of the net. The captain’s strike tied the match for the second time. Shaka Hislop hit the game winner not but six minutes later. The keeper… I mean striker had his second of the night after a shot from Ferris was deflected straight to the Jeruselem ke… forward.

Stephanie Horne commented after the match that despite losing she “really liked what she saw especially from Rex [Agitril] and Dave [Lugini].”

Scoring:
Jeruselem – Shaka Hislop (Kate Sallad) 12
Acapais – Dave Lugini (Henry Paroe) 25
Jeruselem – Scarlet Ferris (Mary Magalene) 43
Acapais – James Fronberry (unassisted) 55
Jeruselem – Shaka Hislop (Scarlet Ferris) 61

Booking:
Acapais – Zach McKellar (caution; unsporting behavior) 34
Jeruselem – Jacinta Sallad (caution; unsporting behavior) 41
Acapais – Al Vick Osaman (caution; unsporting behavior) 45 + 1
Acapais – Derek Sample (caution; unsporting behavior) 66
Jeruselem – Fez (caution; unsporting behavior) 74

Acapais Lineup:
Starters: Hunchman O'Hare (GK); Bradly Sample, Rex Agitril, Kyle Rummy, Derek Sample; Zachary McKellar; Henry Paroe, Al Vick Osman; James Fronberry (C); Jose Castro, Dave Lugini;
Available Subs: Paul Junxton, Nick Daniels, David Franzman, Pablo, Benjamin Nelson, Dean Chilvers, Bobby Carter
Head Coach:Stephanie Horne

Match Facts:
Venue (Attendence): Gaalsien Field (54,432)
Location: Slidell, Keenshire
Referee: Kevin Murphy

Next Match:
@ Nire and Nire
Starters: Hunchman O'Hare (GK); Bradly Sample, Rex Agitril, Kyle Rummy, Derek Sample; Zachary McKellar; Henry Paroe, Al Vick Osman; James Fronberry (C); Jose Castro, Dave Lugini;
Available Subs: Paul Junxton, Nick Daniels, David Franzman, Pablo, Benjamin Nelson, Dean Chilvers, Bobby Carter
Head Coach:Stephanie Horne
http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/nire_and_nire.png

Injuries/Supensions:
Zachary McKellar – Hamstring muscle spasms (Probable)

Acapais Goal Scorers:
1 – Dave Lugini
1 – James Fronberry

Acapais Assists Leaders:
1 – Henry Paroe

Acapais Yellow Cards:
1 – Zach McKellar
1 – Al Vick Osaman
1 – Derek Sample

Acapais Red Cards:

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Acapais RP Threads
Roster Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13551336&postcount=29)

Football Kelssek offices, Kirkenes

"Ah, another World Cup campaign. Hard to believe four years have passed," remarked the president.

"Er... it's been less than four months."

"I thought the World Cup was a quad... quadriennial... you know, four years thing."

"No it isn't."

The directors covering the football side of things all facepalmed at the same time. "So that's why we missed several Cups last year?!"

"I... yeah. I was wondering why my kids still were more or less the same age. ACK- please stop (gasp) strangling me!!"

As the President of Football Kelssek went rapidly cyanotic, someone else in the meeting room asked, "How come the domestic teams don't complain about constantly losing their best players to the national side?"

"Oooh, you don't want to know." said the staff quantum physicist.

“Wouldn't you agree Graham that it's looking good for Bostopia all of a sudden? Two friendly wins for us and the ESF/Vyinta/Turruth Gordor/Assegai Developments XI losing to Daehanjeiguk.”

“It's nice to see them lose, yes, though obviously not as nice for us to beat our rival. However, you should never read too much into friendly games. Of course, we'll be carrying our form through into the qualifiers, and, well, we hope the aforementioned best XI do as well. What matters though is what happens in the upcoming ten games.”

“Great starts to their careers for Gronfeld, scorer against Ad'ihan, and Griff and Jaeger who scored against Sel Appa.”

“Definitely. It's nice to see that we've got strikers who score goals, especially considering Jaeger came off the bench to bang in the second. A goal is much more than who sends the ball across the line though, the teamwork and the assist beforehand are just as vital. Without the assist, there wouldn't be a goal in most cases.”

“So Adder's claiming the assist on Jaeger's goal?”

“Of course, though whether he meant it when he thumped the ball downfield, only to watch it bounce over the heads of the Sel Appan defenders who then saw Jaeger latch onto it before he rounded the keeper is another matter entirely. He'll be credited with the assist either way, though we may have to put a star next to it!” He laughs.

“After seeing the venues for the qualifying games, are you pleased with what the F.A selected?”

“I selected them myself actually. I wanted to have a mix of East and West Isle locations, with games being played in Port Flamerty and Jaerring on West Isle, and Fort Boston and Caflin on East Isle. That's also a nice north/south mix there too.”

“No game in Fenton though?”

“Yeah, only down to the fact we didn't have enough qualifiers to really give them a game. If their stadium had a capacity over sixty-thousand, then they may have gotten a game. I'm sure that if there are enough games next time around to really go on a tour, Fenton will of course be included.”

“Speaking of stadiums, the Archregimancy are playing in a woodland glade, any thoughts on that?”

“Well, the Archregimancy are a nation renowned for their religion, and I think it's brilliant that they're complying fully to that and not letting slip for the sake of Qualification. Personally I'd love to play there, from the photo I saw, it'd be like playing in the forests of our own country. The Archregimancy only allowing one man and his male dog works well, the Emperor and his Alsation could come along.”

“With the pooper-scooper?”

“Naturally. I don't think the monks would appreciate having to wash that out of their robes.”


FRMA - Bostopia 1 - 0 Adihan - Fort Boston Arena, Fort Boston (87,093)
FRMC - Sel Appa 0 - 2 Bostopia
MD01 - Bostopia -v- Blouman Empire - Bostopia Stadium, Fort Boston (103,499)
MD02 - Bostopia -v- Agroprom - Landsberg Stadium, Caflin (61,747)
MD03 - Valanora -v- Bostopia
MD04 - Solenial -v- Bostopia
MD05 - Bostopia -v- Prazkoy - Sandfields Park, Jaerring (65,424)
FR03 - SEEKING OPPOSITION
MD06 - Blouman Empire -v- Bostopia
MD07 - Agroprom -v- Bostopia -
MD08 - Bostopia -v- Valanora - Deepbay Stadium, Port Flamerty (83,500)
MD09 - Bostopia -v- Solenial - Bostopia Stadium, Fort Boston (103,499)
MD10 - Prazkoy -v- Bostopia - Praži Štadyon oř’Futbol, Praz

THE MONASTIC TIMES

NO FRIENDLIES SCHEDULED
"Is Nation Friendless?" Asks Free-Thinking Theologian

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

For the second World Cup in a row, the Archregimancy has been almost completely excluded from international friendlies, leading some figures to consider the implications for the Holy Monastic Republic's international reputation.

"Is our nation friendless?" asked prominent Archregimancy media figure Fr. Seraphim the Occasionally Dangerously Free-Thinking Theologian. "And if so, should we be worried about it?"

Others are not so concerned. "Must we consort with heathens, heretics and freemasons? Better that we remain true to Orthodoxy than engage in the sin of false ecumenicism" said one anonymous source close to the Holy Synond "and besides, who cares what anyone in Ordinary Reality thinks. The Dreamed Realm is impervious in international opinion."

Yet Fr. Seraphim has continued to stress that the national team's isolation from international friendlies may harm Orthodox missionary efforts. "We have, in the past, had players from Ariddia, Errinundera, Bazalonia, Wentland and Estresse Intenso in our ranks. Yet since we reverted to an anonymous starting XI, both the supply of Ordinary Reality converts and requests for international friendlies seems to have dried up. True, it may be appropriate for us to reflect inwardly during Great Lent, but is there not grounds for concern?"

The Monastic Football Association declined to comment.

http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/logos/tribune-wc40/
AEROPAG, JI · 2144–01–23 · 0.10 g Au

Sports: Überdome lives up to expectations in friendly
소코지토 도시, 소코 (SOKOJITO DOSI, SK)—When looking at a match between the champions of World Cup 39 and the co-hosts of World Cup 40, one would ordinarily stop to mention the star players of the respective teams. But not today. This match was not about the players. This match was not about the rankings, or a trophy, or anything of the sort. No, this match was about a rather large stadium. This match was about memories of green and gold against cyan and navy; of 5–4 and 3–5; of own goals and plane crashes. This match, of course, is Capitalizt SLANI–Krytenia.

The home team trotted out in their third kits, the old green and gold of the victorious team in the Sokojito Überdome’s opening match, to the cheers of the usual four hundred thousand. A minority of the crowd, however, delved into their seemingly-endless supply of creative chants to deride the goalkeeper’s purple kit, making the connection to the Aces’ other rivals Starblaydia. Those same people soon greeted the cyan army taking the pitch, and, after The Star-Spangled Banner echoed through the enclosure, Valanoran referee Ian Hall signaled the start of the match.

The past meetings between the sides—with one explicable exception—had been relatively even, but the experts had thought that this time would be different, with the Capitalizts finally elevating themselves to the level of their Bedistani predecessors and Krytenia still struggling to regain their former glory. But it was not to be, at least for most of the match, as the Aces stepped up to the challenge of holding off the home side’s front four. Indeed, they managed to take an early lead, as a mistake by 홍인주 (Hoŋ ʼIn-ju) in the eighth minute allowed a Krytenian striker to get free and bury a shot in the back of the net. But thirty-three seconds into the twelfth minute, Migelo Luiso replied with a curling free kick from twenty-five meters out, leveling the score at 1–1. The twentieth minute saw successful Oriental Cup striker 임사미 (ʼIm Sa-mi) bag his first goal for the full international side, jumping clear of a defender to score with his head and give the Capitalizts the lead. After Luiso extended the advantage in the thirty-eighth minute, SLANI went into the half-time break with a not-so-comfortable 3–1 lead. Alesanka, recognizing the fragility of the lead, declined to make any halftime substitutions, treating the match as if it were a competitive fixture.

Krytenia did make two substitutions, on the other hand, and they proved to be effective, as one of them reduced their deficit to one goal in the forty-ninth minute, skillfully evading a challenge by 광효교 (Gwaŋ Hyo-gyo). However, Ian Hall let the whistle sound for the subsequent kick-off sooner than the Aces expected, and Luiso was able to take the opportunity to chip the goalkeeper from the center circle, earning his hat-trick and making the score 4–2 to the green and gold. Krytenia nearly pulled back another goal in the sixty-third minute, but Hall made a questionable offside call, apparently considering an out-of-place striker to be obstructing the line of sight of 추광영 (Çu Gwaŋ-yūŋ). On the other hand, he soon after let a possible handball by the Aces in their own penalty area slide, but it scarcely mattered, as Clifford Ellis put the finishing touch on the resulting corner kick to put the lead at three goals. With the tally standing at a combined seven goals, just one thing was left to make the Überdome experience complete. As the final whistle drew near, Migelo Luiso lined up a shot at the edge of the penalty area, hoping to equal his four goals scored in the World Cup final against Milchama, but the goalkeeper made a diving save. A defender slid in to clear the ball, but it instead struck the inside of the post and gave the Capitalizts a sixth goal. The match was ended shortly thereafter.

With another high-scoring match between the two sides, an explanation has been popularized that a va’takil is buried under the center circle of the Überdome for SLANI–Krytenia fixtures. A television show dedicated to resolving such issues investigated the stadium, finding no buried objects under the pitch nor any abnormal tampering with the artificial surface. However, they were denied access to the RP bonus machine, resulting in conspiracy theorists proposing a number of conflicting conspiracy theories.

"The plans look just fine, my Lord," Simeone chuckled, "I'm sure it'll be a great stadium. Can you stay on-budget?"

"Bah, shut yer face," Khim Azanulbizarn - now Lord Azanulbizarn after his promotion to Minster for Sport, "Ah've got t'finest Dwarven Bookkeeping Society brains on this. We'll be in-budget, matey, donnae ye worry."

The plans were hugely impressive. A national stadium for Starblaydia would be built, their first in over a hundred years. A permanent home for the national football team, along with a venue for footballing finals of all types. Gorgeous sweeping curves, a veritable wet dream of concrete, steel and glass. It was billed as a footballing temple for some of the most faithful fans on the face of the planet, a place for one of the most famous and successful nations of all time to call their permanent home, to make a fortress and a shining beacon of sporting excellence.

"What's the precise capacity?" Simeone, used in his career to the 75,000 of Foundation Road at Iskara Daii, "Ten-ninety-three hundred?"

"Very bloody funny," Khim said with a scowl, checking the notes for the exact figure, "It be a hundred an' ninety-six thousand, seven-hundred an' fifty-four."

Not as large as the Überdome, for instance, which was more than double the capacity of this proposed stadium, but Starblaydi builders didn't have teleporters in their construction arsenal to get spectators from the entrance to their seats without the need for cramp-ons, oxygen masks and an overnight stay at a base camp on the second tier.

It was all part of the grand scheme that Khim had envisaged. Nobody could accuse the former international full-back of thinking small-time. The Misson Statement had been a simple one, bound expertly by the Bookkeeping Guild with a purple leather cover and ornate runes embossed in the silver-white metal mithril on the front cover: A Third Championship by World Cup 50. A forty-year plan, with the hosting of World Cup 40 as the prologue. That was the aim, plain and simple. Obviously it was wanted before that time, but a five-Cup plan would be too prone to errors, conspiracies and the like, putting far too much pressure on the players, staff and management of the national football team. Ten cups it was, from when Starblaydia entered the World Cup to when they lifted their first title. The footballing world then was young, compared to what it is now, less well-developed; they still played System Karela with some successes, now a tactic long-forgotten and ill-used, rarely perfected in the world today.

Spot the kids young, develop their talent with world-class coaches, build teams, build confidence, build academies for playing and coaching, build national support yet further, bring home titles in the Di Bradini Cup, AOCAF and similar, then go all the way to the World Cup Final for the fourth-and-more time and win it for a third-and-more time again. Reap the benefits of interest and glory, spot the kids young, develop their talent... it could become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Starblaydia had done it once before almost by accident, but that had fallen away. This time their would be no dictator to threaten their way of life, this time would be different.

"Pales in comparison to small boys in the park, jumpers for goalposts," Simeone mused, "doesn't it?"

"But that's where it starts, laddie!" Khim enthused, "Liga Starblaydia has tae be on t'free-t'air gogglebox, dad's have tae be able t'take their younglings tae games at every level, put the kiddywinkies in youth teams and, if they be reet, tak'em up t'ranks." He'd obviously thought about this one. "We can do it!"

"It's a bit ruthless, though," questioned Simeone, "isn't it? Win at all costs?"

"Nay," Khim replied with a shake of his head, taking a swig of his ale, "nay lad. Nae more than when ye be one-tae-one with t'keeper: yer or 'im, goal or nae. Juss scaled up a wee bit, 'tis all."

"If only it was a bit more like the woodland glade of The Archregimancy," Simeone said, sipping on his tea that had just cooled down enough to be gulpable, "the first time I saw a picture of that, I thought it'd be wonderful to play there, so much fun."

"Shall we?"

"Hmm?" Simeone looked confused.

"They be wantin' friendly matches," Khim said, rifling through a stack of papers to find a hand-written scroll amongst them, "they have'nae had any requests ferr friendlies yet, so we can be one of 'em in mid-cup."

"The Holy Empire will be coming from the Dreamed Realm for a friendly, after all," Simeone thought, "it would be good to give the youngsters a taste of the DR, to see what outside football is like."

"And tae give t'monks a show o'what competitive footy is!" Khim had a twinkle in his eye. "We'll 'ave em! They're crap now, ye ken? We be on the way up!"

"Get in touch with Betanii Marrones and have it arranged, then," Simeone said, "she'll want to know where her team are playing next. Three wins on the friendly road is no bad thing for the squad in the run-up to the Cup."

"Aye." Khim agreed. For a Dwarf, that meant it was a done deal. "Now, back tae 'stadium plans..."

Sweat.

It's the body's natural way of cooling you down. The idea is that the layer of water that’s spewed onto your skin would meet the air, and voila, instant temperature reduction.

It's a good idea in theory.

But in practice, it just makes a great bloomin' mess.

Sweating is one of the many things Nicholi Drentum was doing right now. The others include: jumping, turning, looking, yelling, and trying to kick a ball over his head, past that twenty three year old man in gloves, and into the back of that net.

Luckily for Drentum, he's not the only one sweating out on that pitch.

___________________________________________________________

Match day C @ Aeropag Olympic Stadium.

Ladies and gentlemen, today, Rennidan made history. It was their first expose in football (or soccer to some of you) in their run to the world cup. They were ranked bottom in the world, and they were going up against the top team, Capitalizt SLANI. No one expecting a win for the unknowns here. Everyone was expecting a bloodbath.

And whilst everyone knew, in their hearts, that Rennidan were screwed, no one could have expected such a low scoring loss.

3-1 to Capitalizt SLANI.

Sure, it was a win for the number ones.

But for Rennidan?

For the rest of the teams out there?

It showed that this team was not to be messed with. It gave all the underdogs out there hope.

The Unknowns.

They're not half bad.

___________________________________________________________

Nick: Iiiit's a good day to be Rennidanian!

Neil: It sure is. Welcome to Rennidan Football Live, where we have the best, and the worst, clips of our glorious nation's latest football escapade against Capitalizt SLANI, including Drentum's excellent set-up to Michael Ronnan to give us Rennidan's first goal in the World Cup months.

Nick: And what a beautiful goal it was as well! In fact... HERE IT IS.

___________________________________________________________

On the pitch, a lot of stuff is happening. Sometimes, it's too much for you. All the people running past, figuring out where the ball is, the screams, cheers and jeers of the fans... It can get a bit over the top, y'know?

So here I am. Nicholi Drentum. All seventeen years, six feet and a bit and 141 pounds of me, in what feels like slow-motion mid-flight. My heads pretty much pointing at the ground right now, which is a bad feeling. My feet are pointing to where I assume the sky to be. Can't see it though.

My eyes are shut, y'see? It's a way of coping. Let's me feel my way through this mess instead of having to actually see the enormity of it.

I feel the impact on my left foot. That pigs bladder (is it really that?) wrapped in leather. I feel it fling off into the distance to where I know that goal is.

I land, and look. It's all upside down now, because I'm just lying there, on the floor.

And I see that team mate of mine, Michael Ronnan, in his green and golds, heading that ball past that goalkeeper with a name that reminds me of that children's book, "See Gwen Run".

And voila. Just like that, we've scored. It's 1-1, 47 minutes in. And everyone's cheering.

Feckin' fantastic.

___________________________________________________________

Today's match was big and little on everyone's radar. It was big because everyone wanted to see Capitalizt SLANI slaughter an unknown team just before the World Cup qualifying got underway. It was little because it was just an unknown team getting slaughtered.

The match started off just as predicted. In the second minute, ʼIm Sa-mi set Migelo Luiso up for a blazing shot past Malkoa, straight into the top right corner. With a loud crowd cheering, everyone expected the rest of the match to follow suite, with a goal a minute blasting past the Rennidanian keeper.

However, fifteen minutes into the match, SLANI had had another four shots on goal, most of their offence easily sliding past Rennidan's defence. Ryan Malkoa, number 27 for the Green and Golds, was keeping each shot at bay with some magical handwork. It would seem that the first goal was just a fluke, and the rest of the first half remained goalless, thanks to Malkoa's brilliant keeping.

As half time came about, everyone in the stands had been stunned into silence. For SLANI to be up only 1-0 at halftime against this team was madness.

And it got madder.

Two minutes into the second half, a brilliant attempt of a shot from Nicholi Drentum just grazed the crossbar, but set Michael Ronnan up for the perfect header. The crowd stayed silent after the ball flew past Çu Gwaŋ-yūŋ, but as the replays came up, they broke out into cheers that echoed throughout the stadium.

Unfortunately, from there, it all went downhill for Rennidan. A poor attempt of a tackle from Micah Desono inside Rennidan's box led to a penalty attempt for SLANI. Malkoa got his fingers to the ball, but it wrangled its way past the line and rolled to a halt against Rennidan's net.

Next up was a beautiful free kick from Danielle Brown led to SLANI's next goal, putting the number one team up to 3-1 in the 88th minute of the friendly.

With just a few seconds to go, it looked as if Rennidan were about to score their second goal. When Çu Gwaŋ-yūŋ went to kick the ball out into the pitch, it hit, full-force, into Robert “Clover” Golos' face. The ball rebounded straight towards the SLANI net. Luckily, Çu Gwaŋ-yūŋ got his hands to it in time, and was a bit more careful with his next kick.

___________________________________________________________

Alison Debannon sat and chewed her pencil. She was sat several thousand feet above ground level, on the flight home back to Rennidan. The team was behind her, cheering and drinking to their hearts content. She couldn't help but smile. Here were Rennidan's pride, who had just made history, and they were acting like children.

"C'mon Ali, c'mon 'n' join ush."

Turning, the assistant manager caught the grinning face of Ryan Malkoa staring at her through the curtains that seperated the players section from the staff section.

"C'monnn."

With a sigh and a giggle, Debannon rushed out of her chair and into the back of the plane to join her team mates in the consumption of waaaay too much booze.

The Albrecht Herald Online>News>In Brief

Super Novo delights Donnelly Big Blues manager Lloyd Donnelly has declared forward Ramiro Novo ‘utterly central’ to his plans following the Parwood City man’s hat-trick in the 5-2 friendly win against Hopeless SC.

There had been talk that Novo’s place in the first team was under threat, with five forwards rather than the usual four picked among the twenty-three. Rex Sandstrom, his fellow Kura-Pelland-based striker who was in the first XI in place of Ignacio Vélez, was widely seen as the most likely long-term replacement, but his own poor performance against The League side and Novo’s own sparkling forty minutes appears to have convinced the C&M boss that the former left winger is here to stay. The three goals brought Novo’s international tally to fifteen – taking him above the ‘little legend’ Steven Fritz himself and making him the country’s second highest scorer behind Ignacio Vélez’s twenty-nine. Moreover, Novo’s fifteen in eighteen starts is a remarkable record by any reckoning.

A debutant had opened the scoring on sixteen minutes following a concerted spell of C&M pressure; when José Luis Sosa overlapped his fellow newcomer on the left, Alessio Montano, and sped past Ron Matthews before slotting his shot past Radar Green. The MarquezOW left-back Sosa had a hand in the second as well, providing a long pass to O’Sullivan Caras who found Sandstrom in the area. The Deportivo del Arapucera man hesitated somewhat, but Matt Walker’s attempted clearance went out only as far as Novo who looped a curling shot over Green’s head.

The early second half was the Novo show, starting from the kick-off when Ben Head caught young Brian Wilkins on the ball and set up the number eleven. Novo still had plenty left to do, but brushed off the challenges of Antonio Hall and Walker before hitting a left-foot shot into the corner of the net.

This was starting to become embarrassing for a certain Trevor Organ, the new manager of Hopeless SC, who had been looking to get his tenure as boss off to a flyer against the nation of his birth. But the home side seemed too uptight, too aware of how much more important this game was for themselves than C&M, and were continually ripped apart by the Big Blues’ flowing moves. At three-nil down however they began to come out to play a little more and had soon pulled a goal back through Wally Milton’s delicate curler on sixty-four.

With Rául Vélez and Joe Cunningham warming up on the sidelines, Sandstrom and Novo combined for the Big Blues’ fourth; the striker playing his first international since the post-WC36 Cup of Harmony receiving Caras’ cross and knocking the ball down for Novo to fire in off the post and pick up the match ball.

If there’s one area that will concern Donnelly it was the defence, which parted like the Red Sea for Burt Larkin on seventy-four. The manager later declined to lay blame at anyone’s feet however, pointing out that this was the first time Steven Williams and Ben Young had played together for four years, and their first caps for the senior team.

C&M were forced onto the back foot following Larkin’s goal, but Rául Vélez became the first younger brother to score for the Big Blues late on. It’s fair to say however that the twenty-five year-old Green Island star has a long way to go to equal his sibling’s record.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/hopeless_sc.png Hopeless SC 2
Milton 64, Larkin 74

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/candelaria_and_marquez.png Candelaria And Marquez 5
Sosa 16, Novo 29 and 46 and 71, R. Vélez 85

Reporter committed on C&M return A Herald sportswriter, Morgan Fattori, has been sectioned under the Mental Health Act following a severe emotional breakdown in Hopeless SC. He has been interred at the Cork Hill Psychiatric Hospital, Albrecht, for further examination. <more>

Aye-ayes set for Zapata The CAMAFA have confirmed that the Big Blues will play their first competitive international at Zapata’s Marlow Park on the first matchday of World Cup qualifying. The organisation’s President, Owen Jones, declined to provide further reasoning for the announcement, but the move was widely expected given the nature of C&M’s first group opponents; a squad of illegal immigrants of unknown origin.

Fears that members of the team – and conceivably their travelling support, if any – could attempt to gain permanent residence in the Candelarias, lawfully or otherwise, have been high; with CAMAFA insiders admitting widespread concerns that the squad may have been organised with the implicit intention of setting up home in the first foreign country they played in – which happens to be C&M. Though the government officially remains committed to its relatively open immigration and asylum policy, this issue remains a hot potato following the Gweridjongyagate incident of WC39 qualifying.

The primary purpose of playing the game on Green Island appears to be to stop members of the visiting party slipping into Candelarias society. Security at Zapata’s main ferry terminuses will be stepped up in an attempt to stop any Illegal Immigrants travelling to the mainland in either Candelaria or Marquez, while the Green Island Council of Trawlermen has been advised not to take on new itinerate workers for the duration of the foreign team’s visit. Villagers in the rural east of the island have similarly been asked to keep a look out for any swarthy Hispanics that arrive in their communities over the course of the relevant week, and who do not appear to speak with a distinctive Marquezian accent.

Green Island FC chairman Allan Adams and the island’s Prime Minister Michael Ferrington are believed to have requested the game to take place at Marlow Park to test the stadium’s readiness for the group stages of the Champions’ Cup. The ground has previously hosted a friendly international, in which C&M and Zwangzug drew one apiece.

Lloyd Donnelly looks set to make two changes for the game, with Rex Sandstrom replaced by Ignacio Vélez and goalscoring hero José Luis Sosa unlikely to be fit to make his competitive debut following a back injury picked up in MarquezOW’s two-nil league defeat this morning. Lorenzo De Wilde will instead take his place.

Bookies keep Bettia group favourites Patriotic betting has yet to lift C&M into favourites to take Group 3 among the bulk of Candelariasian bookmakers, with two-time World Cup champions Bettia still the marginal favourites.

Their odds reflect the general international view which contends that, despite C&M’s measured development into a notable force, the Bettians appear to be finally over their recent injury nightmares and look as strong as they have been for years.

The aroras are one of the few highly-ranked sides that C&M have never played at any level, though Big Blues fans will be all too aware that the forthcoming matches could have been repeats of the most recent World Cup quarter-final, had Lloyd Donnelly’s men got past Milchama. Local fans will certainly be aware of one key Bettian star – the veteran striker Samuel Taha – but the Albrecht Turkish man will be denied home advantage in the Candelarias following confirmation that the game on Candelariasian shores will take place at the Khatib Together Stadium, Khatib-Gassett.

The triple-city’s regional members of the House, Ziya Black the Unionist and Health Minister and the SD&GP’s Mace Abdel Naby, are believed to have led a petition to take the game to the north-eastern city whose largest stadium boasts a relatively small capacity, but is home to the largest Bettian community in Rushmore. Just what the make-up of the home support on the day will consist of – and just who they’ll actually be supporting – remains unclear however.

Aside from the opener in Zapata, the Big Blues’ three other group games will take place at more regular venues. The fixture against Lovisa at the Estadio Arrigo Nacional will be C&M’s only re-match among the first five qualifiers; following the one-all draw with the European side over six years ago in the twenty-eighth Cup of Harmony, Yasser Zaghloul scoring on the seventy-seventh minute to give Mark Baker’s men a vital point against a much higher-ranked side. Today, of course, such a result, particularly at home, would be seen as a disappointment.

The Millerman Sheppard Stadium, Albrecht, will host the other two fixtures with matches against recent Baptism of Fire graduates Septentrionia and East Antairees. The latter will be most familiar for Candelariasians through the Gamboa FC player Andrew Ryan.

The capital’s stadium will also host a play-off leg, if required. The high-profile friendly with Vephrall meanwhile will see C&M return to Arrigo; with the EAN being the home ground of the Vephrese defender Avilass Gackbang. This will also be an opportunity for revenge, this time for C&M, following the CoH a little over four years ago in which the Vephrese knocked the Big Blues out on penalties following a one-all draw.

Despite the high regard for the Bettian team in the Candelarias, support for the Big Blues still makes them HarryHall.cam’s favourites among the ‘big fifteen’ to miss out on automatic qualification. The high awareness for Kura-Pellandi football similarly pushes Milchama into second place in this particular race, but the best bets are likely to be the Holy Empire’s qualification ahead of Sel Appa, and Wentland sneaking in ahead of Ad’ihan. Candelariasian bookies have also reported an unlikely surge in support for the Fujisawan Territories, following their under-21 side’s elimination of the Small Blues in the last Di Bradini Cup. Though they are but the fourth-ranked side in Group 10, they face Northern Bettia and the Yaforities – sides that C&M have defeated with relative ease in recent times – as well as Taeshan. Certainly, most bookies expect that the unusual format could see numerous major names missing out, with more than a handful of debutants ready to take their places.

Queseda makes Frank admission Social Affairs Minister Reuben Queseda has confirmed that Joseph Frank will not be among the Unionists’ two-hundred listed candidates in May, and will not be standing for a regional seat either. The current Speaker of the House; Frank has held the largely sinecure positions of Prime Minister and Minister for Candelaria since 2004, and has been seen as a vital confident of President Anderson. Queseda claimed that the move was a mutual decision, with Frank keen to enjoy a long retirement following many years of service to the party – and was in no way connected to recent reports that there had been a parting of the ways between himself and the President.

Elsewhere in politics, the Social Democratic & Green Party have announced that vanessaelliott, who lives in Plateau Province, Errinundera, will contest the Candelariasians Overseas Constituency for the party. The thirty-three year-old ophthalmologist comfortably beat Condre Mutsaers, a flight instructor living in Hendon, in the final open vote. <more>

Marshall ‘could face hand job’ Marcus Marshall, the Candelariasian tourist arrested in Akani Sands, Bettia, last week could face loosing his right hand, according to experts in Bettian law. Marshall was accused of attempting to smuggle a donkey from one of the town’s famed beaches, but has protested his innocence. His family in Lesperance claim that they have been unable to gain access to Marcus via telephone and say that they are prepared to travel to Clodien Province to fight the young construction worker’s corner.

The incident has provoked furious debate in recent days over the justice of Shariah law, with Muslim groups in Albrecht, Khatib-Gassett and elsewhere planning demonstrations this weekend aimed at convincing the Bettian authorities to give Marshall a fair trial. The row could yet overshadow the forthcoming football match between the two countries in Gabalfa, with TV1 confirming that they could decline to broadcast the game and the official Big Blues supporters club considering a boycott.

Officials in Akani Sands have yet to comment publicly on events but insiders have reacted with surprise over the reports, one local councillor claiming in an off the record interview with the National Reporter that he was ‘unaware of any such incident having taken place’. Such comments raise fears that Marshall’s case could be dealt with away from public eyes. <more>

Clotaire police to investigate ‘kidnappings’ Clotaire City Council leader Toby Smith (SD&GP) has promised a full investigation after a spate of abductions of young lambs and goats from locations across the city. Four lambs were taken from a petting zoo in the Hopstack district of the city last week, and their disappearance has since been followed by seven more taken from a farmer’s market on the outskirts of the nearby town of Le Thipp Judek. A family pet, a goat identified only as Daffodil, was taken from a garden on Heckingbottom Road yesterday afternoon. <more>

The following is an excerpt from The Times of Chelmar, international edition.

Selection Controversy!
http://www.futbolguncel.com/images/stories/nuri_sahin_002.jpg
Danilo Silva, 15, is the youngest national team selection ever.

AJER, YAFOR 2 - Gerod Flamer is well known as manager of the Yaforite team and he is phenomenally popular, not just for his skilled managing of the team, but also due to the fact that he was captain of the Yaforite side that took the Cup of Harmony trophy in Praying2God all those years ago. He has been revered as a leader in his sport, as one who knows how to use his exceedingly vast skill and knowledge of the sport to accomplish his aims. However, Flamer's most recent moves, especially his controversial selections for the national team squad, have become a bone of contention to many, as well as, possibly, the first chinks in that cloak of invincibility that Gerod Flamer has placed around himself.

There have been three selections in this cup's national team that have caused people to sit up and think again about trusting Flamer to the extent that they typically trust him. These are, in the order of outrage, attacking midfielder Danilo Silva, left midfielder Amario Otavias, and right midfielder Varolan Dori'id. All three are under eighteen - Silva is the youngest player ever selected for national team, at fifteen, while Otavias and Dori'id are each seventeen. It has not only been their age that has caused controversy, but more what comes with age - maturity and knowledge of the game. Many members of the national football/soccer scene have dismissed Flamer's statements that they are ready for the national team level.

Danilo Silva has been the most controversial selection by far. At fifteen, he is very young, the youngest player ever selected for the national team. Moreover, Silva comes from no established line of footballing/soccer-playing ability - he was born and learned the sport on the streets of Chelmar. Apart from his mother, Silva has no family alive and it is through his own skill, both at the academic table and on the field, that he has advanced to the level that he has. He was captain of the Imperial Sports Academy team, facing boys often six years older than him, and he was captain of the national under-18 team, which is very skilled, especially for someone of his age.

"There is no doubt that Danilo Silva is very good." says former national teamer Harolan Moares, a mainstay on the Cup of Harmony-winning squad. "Anyone who has seen this kid play will say that. The question is more 'is he ready?' And, from what I have seen, despite the fact that he is the number one under eighteen player in the Grand Democratic Duchy, he's still a teenager, with a teenager's passions, a teenager's faults, and he's not ready to shoulder the responsibility of a nation." Many experts agree with Moares - a common complaint about the selection of Silva is the fact that he "does not know what it is like to be playing for a country" and thus is the "wrong" choice for a backup for a national team. "After all, there is a chance that he will end up playing." Moares finishes, shaking his head slightly at the thought.

This has been criticism that Flamer has tried to deflect and, for the most part, has succeeded. "Danilo is not only one of the greatest players I have ever seen on the football/soccer field, he is also one of the most mature people I have ever met." Flamer recently stated at a press conference, when asked that very question. "I can assure you - and anyone else who is near - that Danilo knows exactly what he is playing for. And why." Flamer has refused to go any more in depth than that, and to many, this isn't nearly enough, but this has satisfied many "in the know", who continues to assure everyone that the selection of Danilo Silva to the national team squad was entirely his decision and a very good decision at that.

For his part, Silva has been silent over the whole controversy, and the analysis of his playing ability. The second has been going on his entire life - there has scarcely been a moment when he has not been analyzed by millions, all interested in questions of his "true" ability. Nonetheless, he has managed to remain very humble, not letting it get to his head, like it would for many teenagers. He has remained, for the most part, very silent in interviews, not really answering the questions that are posed to him regarding this very issue. According to those who know him best, however, he is, in the words of his mother, "simply overwhelmed to be here".

Meanwhile, the other two controversial selections, those of Otavias and Dori'id, have received less coverage. This is partially due to their relative age - they are both seventeen and far more related to the football/soccer world, and partly due to the fact that they are both regarded as not simply very legitimate prospects, but players who will soon be playing on championship teams in the LIDYT. Their selections have stirred up less coverage in that respect, also due to the fact that several foreign clubs have been looking to sign them (as LIDYT rules prohibit any human under the age of twenty-one from playing in the LIDYT) and thus can be signed via free agency. For Danilo Silva, however, the controversy continues to rage, as the World Cup begins to come around again.

Youngsters have a lot of growing up to do

Sixteen young men wore white and gold.

It was going to be the first ever match for Vephrall's newly-created under-21 national team. By Vephraller Foutbiller Restritris rules, none of these players were professionals. For over a decade, the VFR had banned Vephrallers under 21 years of age from playing professionally in Vephrall (though there was no rule saying they couldn't go abroad and do so, and 20-year-old Ad'ihani midfielder Anthony Jones was dearly beloved by fans of Stithis FE).

With no under-21 manager having been officially named yet, senior squad manager Umsaasad Pentove volunteered to coach the youngsters in their match against Dancougar. In a bit of a change from his usual methods, he decided to use a very defensive 5-4-1:

(all listed from right to left, except bench)

GOALKEEPER
1. Serkety Pochue, freshman, Vephrese Military Academy

DEFENDERS
5. Avilass Latissle, senior, Riestre State University
2. Splebist Pagliloe, junior, East Point College
3. Cinerne Ponten, junior, Fekliir State College (captain)
4. Praumbeted Going, sophomore, Virdys University
6. Edroklis Flentang, senior, Solonds University

DEFENSIVE MIDFIELDER
7. Pranasik Ponten, senior, North Salle University

MIDFIELDERS
8. Dizabeg Mantlom, sophomore, Twin Cities University
11. Coteskais Doshese, freshman, Dettune University
10. Ravcassy Handbosm, junior, East Point College

FORWARD
9. Soscren Wassaraat, senior, Westlake University

BENCH
12. Rempidar Dreditars (D C), freshman, University of Taeschand
13. Filler Pinteps (D C), junior, Dettune Mountain College
14. Speocacks Jing (DM C), junior, University of Seibeng
15. Pasarap Tizambuzon (D R), freshman, Bektys Coastal University
16. Edroklis Osprite (SW), sophomore, Shentarong Institute of Technology


Without question, it was little more than a ragtag group, assembled at the last minute. So perhaps it really shouldn't have come as too much of a surprise that the home team withered in front of the much more refined college game played in Dancougar (while Dancougar has no U21 side, they agreed to not play their few professionals in this match for the sake of evening it up a bit). The fans at Ellime e Vephrall left highly disappointed after seeing their team routed, four goals to nil.

VEPHRALL U21s 0
Dancougar 4 (Shishio Jinguuji 18, 64; Benjamin Whittaker 36; Patrick Vistula 62)

Battle for Vircais supremacy still undecided

Shortly after the U21s' heavy loss, the senior side took the pitch at the same ground for their fifth meeting with neighbors and rivals Kura-Pelland. Each nation had won two previous meetings; would this one finally decide who was better?

Nope. Soscren Cilleng's 27th-minute goal was cancelled out by Norbert Fiero, proving that all the recent headlines he's been making at AS Assiri aren't just hype. With the overall record now at 2-1-2, obviously another rematch is needed. They'll play it again at Shanvley after the end of World Cup qualifying.

VEPHRALL 1 (Soscren Cilleng 27)
Kura-Pelland 1 (Norbert Fiero 63)

Qualification prospects "worrying", says Pentove

With only the fifteen group winners guaranteed a World Cup berth and the second- and third-place finishers requiring playoffs, manager Umsaasad Pentove has admitted himself a bit worried about his team's chances of making the Proper.

"I'll be very surprised if Zwangzug can't manage a first-place finish," says Pentove. "And I don't much like the idea of having to deal with any of Yaf & Baz 2, Uiri, or Pantocratoria in a playoff." It should be pointed out, though, that the Cup organizers have not gone into any specifics about playoff matches and we could very well face a team outside of Group Four.

THE MONASTIC TIMES

NO FRIENDLIES SCHEDULED
"Is Nation Friendless?" Asks Free-Thinking Theologian

In a surprise announcement today, the Casari Soccer Authority made a number of vocal statements on the "Friendless" status of the Archregimancy.

"Nonono, they're not playing the 'schismatic heretics and pagans' card this time." Michael Maclusky said to the media today. "They've leaned on that excuse for far too long, and we've had more than enough of it. Therefore, we would be happy to host the Archregimancy here in Casari for a friendly under whatever necessary conditions of anonymity they desire."

Comments were also made about the friendly against Dancougar, which resulted in a 1-1 draw. "While we are happy to have won the Golden Cake Pan, a 1-1 result is far from the way we desired to win the cup, and it would only be fair to offer a return engagement in order to determine a proper result."

Several other comments were made about the Southeastern Energy Corporation, but were later dismissed as "arbitrary and pointless."

Inside The High Priestess Temple

A group of Priests are gathered around a table debating recent findings.

"... I tell you Mithalion, someting is wrong. Again we have reports from Turbani of the anomoly occuring. This is the fouth city this year to report it. We can not continue to ignore its' presence and believe it to be pure coincedence, we must investigate further."

"Be still Delethar. Unless you have proof of your claims, I will not disperse any priests to investigate the matter further. From what we already know, it's isolated in the the far western part of the country and has not known any progession eastwards. As such, I suggest quarantine."

"You know that will not work without the Great Leader's consent Mithalion. To get his consent, he'd have to know about the problem, and that is something we all agreed not to inform him of. For the safety and securuity of our nation, we must deal with this ourselves, we would not be priests of Elune if we did any less."

"I concur with Foran here Mithalion. We must deal with this ourselves. Delethar is alos right, we need to send a group of priests to investigate the matter further if we are to fully understand how and why it is occuring."

Mithalion sighed and knew he had know choice but to give in to his companions.
"If that is what this council wishes, then it shall be so, but have the High Priestess pick the Priests out. In her infinite wisdom, she will know which ones are best suited for this matter, and that wisdom is our only lifeline right now."

Demot Daily ~ Growing Pains

With the mix of youth and expierence that Floorin has put together to represent Demot in this upcoming World Cup, it was expected that there would be some growing pains as the squad got acclamented with each other. Yet following a complete destruction at the hands of the Best XI of the EPL last season, it is clear that this edition of the Dynamo have a long way to go to just make sure they qualify for this tournament. With Thoril Forgedawn assumed dead after going missing in Valanora at the end of last tournament, and Lewis' retirement from international play, the squad has now turned to the somewhat green Roma and Rotherwell. While both are excellent lads who do quite well on the domestic scene, their few performances with the national team have not been the same amount of brilliance as their club efforts. I can not help but feel that this will cost us in our qualifying run, espicially against the likes of JSY. With soo few matchdays to collect points, and only one squad going through automatically, every fixture will have importance. Thus if success is too be had, Roma and Rotherwell both need to step up their performances.

To be fair, Songsteel did sit out the match due to his inclusion with the Cafundeu Best XI. His veteran leadership was obviously lacking and could of made a difference had he been able to play. While Zubo is a great potential talent and a good sub, he is just not ready to be starting at this level. This showed when he continuelly gave up possession to Jannian out on the wing, with the crafty veteran giving his lesson after lesson on how to be an elite winger.

With two weeks to work on the faults of the team, I do expect a much better performance come the first qualifying match. I know Floorin is not exactly the most popular choice, but he is tactically sound and gives the squad the best chance for victory. As long as this squad listens to Alexander, I believe their will be a chance for success. His players will have to perform those tactics and raise the level of their game, but with him at the helm, the Dyanmo could be on their way back to the latter stages of the tournament.

Article by Rich Baker

Once hearing the "Friendless" nature of the Archregimancy, soccer-following member of the IAOCB (Iconodulistic Autocephalous Orthodox Church of Bazalonia) have pettitioned BFSA to engage with the Monks from the Dreamed world a mid-qualifying friendly.

With that, and a thoughrough examination into what mid-qualifiers Bazalonia already had (that being none). A letter was drafted suggesting that perhaps the Monks would come to Bazalonia for a friendly. The *cough* stadium for in the woods, not deemed appropriate by BFSA Officials, however they do suggest "A local soccer field in Italiano would be an appropriate compromise for the sacred Lenten season.

"At least these have proper change rooms"

Unveiling of the New Stadium.

It was only a matter of time before it happened. First, they built a training ground there. Then the rumours flooded that Rennidan's new national stadium would be built next to it. The, it happened.

Today, shortly after the return of the Rennidan team to their glorious nation, Captain Ryan Malkoa and his team mates stood alongside Alison Debannon, their assistant manager, and Gregoff Noyorma, the Chairman of Rennidanian Football, to unveil Eorga Choondra Stadium.

From the outside, sat atop the peak of Rennida Mountain, the stadium glistens in the dieing sun. Here it stands, 24,024 feet above sea level, as a symbol of our nations love of its number one sport. The designs on the outside are awe-inspiring, done by none other than Foroff DeMeon, the number one architect of Rennidan. The way the carvings in the marble and titanium walls run means there is a constant low whistle emanating from the structure, providing a nerve-wrecking, but not creepy sound. It really does get the blood pumping as you move into the building. It gets you ready for whatever great match lies ahead.

Inside, the decor is outstanding. With paints, designs and sculptures of Mother Nature flooding the place, you get a true feeling of what it is like to be part of Rennidan. The gold and green colours of our nation run rampant throughout, and it warms the heart to see pictures of some of our great in-nation football matches.

As we exit, there's one last trick up the stadium's sleeve. We are about to depart on the trip down the mountain, when Ryan Malkoa calls back to us to look. We turn, and there, in the setting sun, we see the roof of the stadium begin to pull over it. Exquisite gold and titanium patterns run through the sliding mass. The titanium itself dulled so the gold shines bright, and clearly through the shining mass, we all see it.

The Rings of Rennidan placed atop the grand stadium.

Truly breath taking.

Rare interview with Sultan Ibrahim XIII
It is only on rare ocassions that a man of low standing meets the Khan of Khans, Sultan Ibrahim. I first asked him on his sons partcipation in the national team and how he felt he replied "So long as he upholds the long and proud traditions of good character, he will always be held in my heart." Then we moved on to if he would appear at any games "Oh I think there will be games which I will go to, the morale could help the team focus." My final question was on if Sinan would maintain his good character through what will undoubtably be the hardest qualifying session, "Yes he is a mature child I remember he first shaved at 13 and he always wanted to show fairness and level headedness." So thats how I met the ever elusive Ibrahim XIII

HOPEFUL SC FACES UPHILL BATTLE IN FIRST WORLD CUP

Hopeful SC was a late entry into World Cup 40, to make their World Cup debut. They tapped former Hopeless SC star forward Alan Bell, who was injured in Hopeless SC’s World Cup debut after a strong Baptism of Fire tournament. As a sign of the hope the nation has, the whole roster is made up of Protestant, Catholic, and Jewish clergy. Will the team have much success in World Cup 40? No, but they could given time. All Hopeful SC fans are encouraged to try and give hope to their friends from Hopeless SC, who could qualify for the World Cup, in only their third attempt. Here’s a team-by-team preview of Group 2, where Hopeful SC finds themselves.


Cafundeu (8): Definitely not a team that Hopeful SC stands any chance against in this World Cup. They won’t have a complete cakewalk, as they do have a competitor for the group title. Prediction: 1st.

Quakmybush (17): Another very good team that should dominate Hopeful SC. They should even contend with Cafundeu for the group title. Prediction: 2nd.

Dancougar (52): Another team that should dominate Hopeful SC, though definitely not in the same league as the top two. Hopeful SC’s friends, Hopeless SC, played to a pair of scoreless draws against Dancougar in World Cup 39, but that doesn’t mean anything for Hopeful SC. Prediction: 3rd.

Gweridijongya (73): Apparently a new team that did well in the Baptism of Fire. It’s not totally out of the question that Hopeful SC could steal points from Gweridijongya. Prediction: 5th.

Krasslor (160): Apparently a new team that didn’t do well in the Baptism of Fire. Hopeful SC should be able to compete with them for points. Prediction: 6th.

Hopeful SC (173): Unranked, they won’t contend for qualifying, but they could make a run at the couple teams in front of them. Their aggressive style could steal some wins. Prediction: 4th.

WANDERERS IN POSITION FOR PLAY-OFF

The Hopeless SC Wanderers are in an unprecedented position of being unexpected to qualify for a unique 30 team play-off. That despite having a brand new head coach, Candelaria and Marquez native, Trevor Organ. Organ brought along his assistant, David Stone. The Wanderers haven’t seen anybody in their group before, so everybody will be new to Wanderers fans. Here’s a team-by-team preview of Group 14, where the Wanderers will try to qualify from.


Demot (10): The top seed in the group and the definite team to beat. An established World Cup veteran. They should take care of business in a weak group, including against the Wanderers. Prediction: 1st.

Jasi’yun (33): Another veteran of the World Cup, though not nearly as successful as Demot. The Wanderers should have a lot of trouble with them, but might be able to manage a draw. Prediction: 2nd.

Hopeless SC (55): New coach. New formation. More aggressive style of play. What can we expect to see from the Wanderers? Nobody knows. They’re the most likely of the teams in a position to qualify for the play-off to fall flat on their face in qualifying. However, they might qualify by default because of who’s behind them. Prediction: 3rd.

Naboombu Umbongo (73): The first of the who’s this teams in this group. The ranking indicates they could challenge the Wanderers for the third spot, but they’re likely not going to be a serious threat. Prediction: 5th.

Aleos (151): Another team that nobody in Hopeless SC knows. The rankings indicate that they’re a pretty new team, so they shouldn’t be too big of a threat. Prediction: 4th.

Okuni (173): Effectively unranked, as they have no points in the ranking system. No threat to the Wanderers chance to qualify unless they somehow manage to steal points from the Wanderers. Prediction: 6th.




WANDERERS DOMINATED IN FRIENDLY

In a match organized by Hopeless SC officials as a thank you for new Head Coach Trevor Organ and Assistant Coach David Stone, Candelaria and Marquez was invited to come to Hopeless SC for a pre-World Cup 40 friendly match. The 22nd ranked team in the world showed why they’re so highly ranked, dominating the match from start to finish. The Wanderers new style of play clearly had them unsure of where they were supposed to be at times. Organ is going to have a lot of work cut out for him before the World Cup 40 opener at home against newcomer Okuni. Young newcomers to the line-up, inner midfielder Brian Wilkins and forward Eddie Hawkins both were impressive in their debuts against a strong opponent, even though they didn’t get on the stat sheet. Veterans Burt Larkin and Captain Wally Milton, who plays club soccer in Candelaria and Marquez for former Hopeless SC Head Coach Thomas Larson.

Kura-Pelland are highly rated in Candelaria and Marquez. Good enough to beat Milchama to top spot? Two draws in tricky pre-qualifying friendlies rather suggests the initial expectations of a comfortably attained playoff place are bang on the money.

First, Vephrall away. The fifth Battle of Vircais, and this one ended up with the first draw. A mostly young side was fielded, the manager clearly planning futures rather than thinking of the team's initial performance; many thought that all his wisdom had disappeared. Turned out it had mixed effect; plenty of chances were created but the defence didn't look stable. Good goalkeeping at both ends kept the score deadlocked until the 27th minute Soscren Cilleng caught Bo Phelps out of position before beating Stephen Hill with a well-directed shot.

In the second half, though, Vephrall began to look vulnerable, and Kura-Pelland scored a deserved equaliser through Norbert Fiero.

And so to Shanvley, for the visit of Zwangzug. A team undoubtedly in the world's elite, more than worthy of getting a big orchestral welcome - even if it was the same orchestral welcome 'greeted' to Porterbridge City by Harrington Lakeside late last season

No doubt about it, Zwangzug are a strange team. All the rules other teams make are broken by this lot; they esckew goalkeepers entirely in favour of some inexplicable 3-2-1-2-3 formation. If they win a World Cup with that formation (and they've come mighty close twice before) other teams may adopt something similar, and then nothing in the World Cup will ever be the same.

During a tepid first half-hour, one had to feel this night would last a lifetime. But Zwangzug's side are nothing if not smart, and an intelligent run from Brendan Deguela completely opened up the young Kura-Pellandi defence and eventually presented veteran Philip Stings with the easiest possible chance. That was the only goal of the first half, but Zwangzug appeared to have wrapped it up six minutes after the break, a swift counter-attack resulting in another Stings goal, this time a header.

But Zwangzug started to tire rapidly late on, and when Fiero's unlikely 40-yard shot deflected off Natalie Instonenext and in off the post the game was well and truly on. Six minutes from time, Fiero spread out to the left, an overlapping run with Liam Marling fooled the defence, and substitute Chris Chenoweth's header looped into the corner. Two goals and an assist in two games for Fiero in this pair of games - how defenders will tremble at his name if he keeps improving.

This young team are looking very capable of great things if they get lucky, even if it's not yet. Two matches at Shanvley start, against Newmanistan and the now-misnamed Eighthgraderistan, then off into the world they go for a very tricky trip to frozen Kelssek and an even trickier trip to Milchama...

((Wow, had no clue this was going on...we're going to have to drop out.))

The Bassabook Baritone
Rub your eyes, get out of bed, and get the paper

Going where the gnomes won

Zwangzug's national football squad traveled to Shanvley Stadium, site of the World Cup 38 final, to play Kura-Pelland before World Cup 40 qualification begins. The match was a two-all draw: Phillip Stings, returning to the starting lineup after a role on the bench last tournament (a dramatic comeback substitution aside) scored both goals for the visitors. The first came in the nineteenth minute after an impressive setup from midfielder Brendan Deguela. The second was somewhat more controversial, however: Kura-Pellandi midfielder Xavier Le Monde had received a pass from Bo Phelps when Zwangzug's captain, Steven Ruck, took possession and flicked the ball forward to Stings, who headed it in. The revisionist historians disappointingly common in Kura-Pelland might have thought it was offsides, but referee Willem Vandervoort thoroughly examined the play and let the goal stand.

The hosts, however, fought back. Defender Natalie Instonenext could not succeed in saving a long goal from Norbert Fiero, who would get the assist when Chris Chenoweth scored. All too soon, the exhausting match was over.

Zwangzug's team will stay in (return to?) Vircais for their first qualifier, in Vephrall, and then visit Yafalonia & Bazor 2, a country whose team played in Zwangzug during the Baptism of Fire, losing the final to Dancougar. Zwangzug will host Pantocratoria, a prestigious nation whose team played in the most recent Baptism of Fire, on matchday four after Lethislavania, a team with a rich history returning to the world scene, comes through. A game in Uiri will be the last match of the first half: a short ten-game qualification stage will give way to playoffs for the second- and third-best teams in each group. The group winners will advance directly to the Cup: Zwangzug's team hopes to do so, and as the highest seed, has a fairly good chance at it.

ROBERT: Showdown time between Papes and Adonis, so let's get to work. First up, the back three for the Black Wings. Three in a line with help supposedly coming from the midfield, but they have to deal with the joyful attacking of Cafundeu, who have plenty of guys who like to bring it. Is that defense going to be okay, guys?

JAY: I don't think so, when you look at who they've got, starting Weatherford on the left just boggles my mind. He had a decent freshman season, but you're judging him ready to start just on that? He doesn't have the instinct, yet, to be able to deal with these top attackers. And Barclay, sure he got that pro contract, but I've always considered him to be overrated.

DREW: Jay, it's not that bad! Flecha going to bring the heat for Cafundeu, but he's getting up there, into his thirties now. Weatherford brings a lot of speed to the table, and as long as his stamina holds up, he's going to make it hard for Flecha to get a clear shot. And bear in mind, Flecha isn't a distributor. This is going to bog down the Cafundeu attack and force them to look elsewhere.

ROBERT: I think the other options they have are pretty good, Papes, that's why they're ranked eighth in the world. Point goes to Adonis. Next up, intangibility! Last time around, we saw the Black Wings falter against all its top 30 opponents, almost as if they were just honored to be on the same field. They fought against Casari pretty hard, though, so might we see a different squad than the one which started out last time?

DREW: Absolutely, Vincennes, I think now the Black Wings have gone through this thing once, they know more what to expect. The guys who came back can fill the leadership role that was really missing last time around, and in Charles DuPont, you have a world-class coach who can rally the team and make them realize that, yes, it's going to be difficult, but now they belong, and it's time to take control.

JAY: That's all well and good, Papes, but let's not forget, most of this team is still green behind the ears. Even if Dancougar as a nation has been through here once, the players themselves are still going to be under a lot of pressure. No one they've faced is as good as this Cafundeu team, and Cafundeu will definitely assert itself right from the opening kickoff. Trust me, they will make it hard for these kids.

ROBERT: I can see what you're saying, Jay, but I would think that they're better prepared for this kind of environment thanks to those spring tournaments. Point to Papes. For the game, guys, the question is simple - call it! Who gets the points tonight in Yuki City?

JAY: Cafundeu wins, 3-1, they will control this game. The defenders are going to get into the attack and really keep that Black Wing midfield from pushing up. Whittaker and Morimoto are not going to get enough time to work down the sides, and I haven't seen Ikeda show me that he's a creator yet. He's played in Cafundeu for a few years, now, maybe he's hiding something from us. But I'm still waiting for it.

DREW: Home field advantage, Adonis, that's going to be critical! A full house, the majority of them will be waving black towels, I think that's going to give them a tremendous boost. Jinguuji will create trouble. He's got quick feet. I want to say this'll end in a tie, 1-1 maybe, with someone getting a late equilizer for Dancougar like in the Casari friendly. They've shown that they're willing to attack, and I believe we could be in for a very entertaining game.

ROBERT: I like the optimism, Papes, but I don't share it. Point to Adonis, and that's game! You have thirty seconds of quality face time...

COMMEMORATIVE GAME ENDS IN A DRAW

Once again, the CCFM organized a friendly between the selected team of the Cafundelense League against a National Team from the world. This time, the opponent was Yafor 2, and there were some changes in the format of the Best XI team. This time, not only players that were considered the best in the last season. No, there were more. Top players that have recently arrived in Cafundéu were called too. And the game, which had some moments of top football quality, ended in a fair 2x2 draw.

Some people would suggest that the Best XI team didn't have enough motivation, but they were wrong. The team of the domestic league fought using all their talent, and Yafor 2 did the same. In the end, both teams had a good performance. Barnes was the first to score with a long ranged shot. The Best XI team controlled the ball until the end of the first half, and could go to the dressing room with the advantage. The midfield of the Cafundelense League team seemed like a dream team midfield, but Yafor 2's defense was having an excellent performance.

And the attack was able to work well too in the second half. After few minutes, Meleherat could invade the opponent area, dribble Souza, exchange passes with Sebard and shoot with strength to defeat the Ariddian keeper. The second goal came soon later. Bahsir, who was excellent in the defence and was also creating many goal opportunities, got the ball in the attack and shot well to score the second goal of the Yaforites. Maybe he was happy that he was called to the Best XI team, and had some extra motivation. Maybe his wife asked him to score. I don't know, I only know that he was playing very well.

The team composed of the best players of the Cafundelense League were at that time losing the game, something that surprised some of the supporters, but not the ones that knew the quality of the team of Yafor 2. While Sodré made changes to make the team even more offensive, Yafor 2 defended more. But, in the end, the attack defeated the defence, as Haakana found Luiso alone inside the area. The SLANI striker controlled the ball, dribbled the goalkeeper Juile and scored the goal. The game ended 2x2.

In the end, a very good game. Now, the team of the best players of the Cafundelense League will look for another opponent to play against them in the middle of the World Cup qualifiers. The CCFM could get profit from this game, and this is enough for them to try to make another friendly like this one. Who will be the next opponent. Will there be a next opponent? Will Luiso repeat the same good performance? And Barnes, even with his age? Will I stop making questions? Wait for the next chapter.

CAFUNDELENSE LEAGUE BEST XI 2x2 YAFOR 2

Place: Praça Maior, Cafundó do Juta.
Attendance: 147,888 people.
Referee: Alceu Braga Mendes (Cafundéu).
MOTM: Nilan Bahsir (Yafor 2).

http://img206.imageshack.us/img206/7527/brasilpelotasrsbrasd7.gif SELEÇÃO DA LIGA: Knudsen; Vital (Silveira 71'), Whitecroft and Souza (Williams 80'); Songsteel (Ilmari 66'), Barnes (Jongguk 71'), Da Silva (Marcelinho 45'), Hawk (Newton 75') and Haakana; Flecha (Gepardo 45') and Luiso.
Coach: Rivaldo Sodré.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/yafor_2.png YAFOR 2: Juile; Bahsir, Cuoran (Nivor 45'), Riegan and Accursas; Juhan, Vanadrin (Silva 60'), Sebard, Nahanor (Dariegan 45') and Velastros (Kiranar 72'); Meleherat (Loverado 80').
Coach: Gerod Flamer.

Goals:SLI: Barnes 8' , Luiso 83'.
YAF: Meleherat 51' , Bahsir 67'.

CAFUNDÉU GETS "FRIENDLY REVENGE" AGAINST VALANORA

A game between two top nations like Cafundéu and Valanora is ever an exciting game. Representing the same region, these nations have a nice and friendly rivalry. When these two countries face each other, the supporters do their best to help the team to win the game, singing and shouting. But when the countries aren't playing against each other, the Cafundelenses often support the Valanorans. But in today's friendly there was something more than just local rivalry: Cafundéu wanted revenge.

Last time, Valanora played against Cafundéu in a friendly and wasn't able to get a good 4x2 victory. With a team with many changes, the Monopolists wanted this time to win the game, something that wasn't unreal. There isn't a big difference between the quality of these teams. And Moreira started to bring happiness to the supporters with a goal, receiving the ball from Silveira and shooting past Yoshido. Still in the first half, Valanora replied with a very good move, prepared by Night. The attacker made an excellent crossing and Alidare didn't have to do much to score.

In the second half, the game continued very close, both teams wanting the victory, but being equal in football quality shown. But, once again, it was Cafundéu which took the lead. Silveira took the ball from Kries (a bad defensive mistake, by the way), reached the entrance of the area and shot with strength to score the second goal of Cafundéu. Soon after, Hawk scored using his known ability, dribbling two opponents before shooting to score. And, only after nearly ten minutes of a hard fought game, Flecha invaded the area, suffered a penalty (not called, the referee ignored it), stood up, took the ball and shot. Cafundéu won the game this time.

CAFUNDÉU 3x2 VALANORA

Place: Obelisco Monumental, Lasft.
Attendance: 217,903 people.
Referee: Coey Vinden (Vephrall).
MOTM: Henrique Silveira (Cafundéu).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Moisés; Marcelo Rocha (Vital 72'), Augusto César, Alex and Souza (Jorginho 78'); Silveira, Da Silva (Gian 60'), Marcelinho (Giovanni 45') and Moreira; Flecha and Saulo (Careca 45').
Coach: Caio Meback.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/elves_security_forces.png VALANORA: Yoshida; Acevedo (Duria 80'), Nickel and Hocn; Kries (Totez 70'), Soldarian (Underdark 63'), Alidare, Marl (Kries 45') and Hawk; Kips (Fresco 63') and Night.
Coach: Asanta Webber.

Goals:CAF: Moreira 23' , Silveira 62' , Flecha 77'.
VAL: Alidare 40' , Hawk 68'.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cafundéu – formation for the game against Dancougar: Moisés; Marcelo Rocha, Augusto César, Alex and Souza; Silveira, Da Silva, Marcelinho and Moreira; Flecha and Saulo.
Coach: Caio Meback.
Style of +3

Match’s Referee: Zet Plomaker (Zwangzug).

The team arrives in Kura-Pelland a couple days early in order to have time to enjoy the sights before serious training begins for the match.

Lewis: Oh look, we’re in Atlantian Oceania again.

Chapman: Something tells me this region just loves their football.

McCafferty: Yeah, I know, I must say I’m kinda jealous. Why can’t we ever get this kind of love for football in our own region? It’s always baseball. Racing. More baseball. Racing, maybe some hockey.

Lewis: Then you got Gills, who’s transferring to a Nethertopian club team.

Gillman: I couldn’t say no to the price they offered.

McCafferty: Just when Tundra Falls was turning the table. You jet.

Gillman: They didn’t have to agree to the transfer offer, now did they?

McAllister: Now for what matters most. The women. Are they hotter here then they were in Starblaydia?

Brooker: We’ll have to go out and see!

McAllister: Starblaydia was different. It was fun. We’re here and like, no one cares.

Chapman: Yeah it’s weird. We’re truly the outsider now.

McAllister: Starblaydia was a neutral site so they were all so welcoming of everyone. Here you can see all the support for their team, it’s pretty cool for them. No one cares about us because of our ranking I suppose, and you know why that’s really gonna suck, right?

Lewis: Because we’ll be booed?

McAllister: Nah, that I can handle. It means I can’t get women just by being a football player like I did in Starblaydia and I can at home.

Several Players: Awwwwwwwww

McAllister: See, let me try it out on that hottie in the blue over there......... (walks over)

McAllister: Hey there, I’m Jeremy and I play football for Newmanistan.

Girl: New - what?

McAllister: Newmanistan, we won the Baptism of Fire. The Di Bradini Cup.

Girl: Ohhhh.... the Baptism of Fire. No one gives a damn about you and your Newwhatever. Bye!

McAllister (returning to teammates): See, that just sucked.

Lewis: Don’t think I’ve ever seen you get rejected so quickly.

Chapman: Not one person has even asked us for an autograph. Not one.

McCafferty: Yeah, you’d think someone would recognize us, eventually.

Brooker: Or even have heard of us.

Lewis: Alright, let’s just go to the hotel. And watch the game tapes we have.

McAllister: That’s right. One day that girl will go crazy thinking she turned down J-Mac so quickly. One day, my friends. One day all these kids will have wished they had gotten our autographs. Let’s go, we got a game to play!

http://x55.xanga.com/272c720709c35171177946/q129924595.png

Two Rough Years, But Hope At Last

Finally, peace for the Pazhujeb Islands. Following two and a half years of military rule and life under a regime that was accused by the international community of war crimes, Pazhujebis can be proud that democracy is returning to the Islands. Though all other bodies, labeled as unhelpful bureaucracy, have been disbanded, the Imperial Senate has been reinstated as the governing body of the Islands, and Pehemastia Aqhorassi retained as High Governor (a new position which will have the same functions as that of a Prime Minister).

Several conditions were demanded by the military junta before they stepped down. The most significant of these conditions was that the Pazhujeb Islands were to change regions, as it was felt that in their previous region military aggression by other nations might cause great instability were the junta to step down. This condition has been met, as the Senate has voted to move the Islands into Atlantian Oceania, a region which many football fans will already be duly familiar with.

http://xbf.xanga.com/ff1c734011232181674217/z138962248.png
Pazhujebi High Governor Pehamastia Aqhorassi

The remarkably young Ms. Aqhorassi, at 33 years old, became one of the most prominent figures in the Islands during the reign of the military, even though she spent most of that time in prison. She submitted lengthy objections to the state of the nation from her cell to major newspapers, which remained largely unaffected by the regime. She is well known for having served as Chairperson of the now-defunct National Committee, but will now serve as the Chair of the Xubughuvadi (roughly translated from Pazhujebi as “the Professionals”). The XA, as the Xubughuvadi are also known, are the nation’s most popular party, politically falling in the centre left. Ms. Aqhorassi will also serve in the Senate due to the untimely death of Xubughuvadi Senator Siddarth Hajal, who died in prison. This of course justifies her position as High Governor.

Although she is not well known for being a particularly ardent football supporter, High Governor Aqhorassi has not announced that there are to be any budget cuts to the nation’s football program, and Jaime Oberlander was recently seen shaking hands with Ms. Aqhorassi at a formal banquet.

<QAZOX...Just before World Cup XL qualifiers>

'So they drug me back in, after all these damn years, and Ingrid? She's dead, but unless they've found a way to fake DNA Samples in the 25 years I've been away, It is her, the real her, not the Robotic Clone I had to destroy. But how is she only 19 years old? She should be in her mid-40's now.' Kyle Cartman thought as he entered Qazox National Hall, the residence of Daniel Renoir.

"Who are you and what is your business here" the security guard asked.

"I'm David Erison, I'm the new Chief of National Security, I'm here to meet with President Renoir." Cartman replied.

"National Security? I thought we abolished that office." the guard replied. "You're going to have to wait here until I clear this with my superior."

'Damn, a slip-up there, you've been out of the game too long, Kyle, but if worse comes to worse, there's always Plan B.' Cartman thought as he waited.

"Sir, it appears I was mistaken, President Renoir's assistant, Ms. Lake will see you now. The President is in a meeting with the premier of Eighthgraderistan, and will be out shortly."

"Thank you, what is your name?" Kyle asked.

"Sir, its Goran, after the HOLY OXEN himself." the guard replied. "Sir, they're waiting you, on the 7th floor."

Just a few days to go until the World Cup circus starts up again, and the tension is mounting in Bettia just as it is in most other footballing nations. The HumungoScreens sited in many of the towns and cities have had a jolly good cleanup, and there have even been reports of people not speaking a single word for weeks on end, hoping to preserve their voices for the matches themselves just so they can shout themselves silly for the mighty Aroras. Indeed, football is a staple part of Bettian life, and this is just as true in the Pie & Pixie as anywhere else.

Inside, we find the staff getting themselves ready for the inevitable rush of customers that accompanies every match. At present though, this rush is simply comprised of a couple of hardy regulars, sipping their tea and nibbling their scones as they discuss the more important things in life.

"So, what d'ya think that old guffer Obani meant by 'military assistance'?" Fat Evan asked, cramming a welsh cake into his mouth.

"Dunno. Drop a nuke on the other team if they win?" his former schoolfriend chum Asam replied as he brushed a few crumbs of his thick black beard. His son sat idly by, bored to tears with this mindless chatter, and much preferring to watch Junilun as she perched on the counter fiddling with her thick black hair.

This jovial banter was suddenly interrupted by a loud bang coming from the kitchen, accompanied by copious amounts of thick black smoke.

"What on NS-Earth?" Fat Evan spluttered as he struggled to his feet, then decided to sit back down and let the others do the running.

Junilun and Asam ran into the kitchen to find Akhsaru standing over a flaming oven, holding a blackened baking tray with a number of sizzling black lumps on it.

"Ooops!" she grinned sheepishly.

"What have you done?" Junilun screamed.

"It's these scones. I think I've overdone them a bit. Just a teensy bit, mind, just a bit."

"Hmmmm," Asam said thoughtfully. "You'd have thought a fire demon like Akhsaru would know how to cook by now, wouldn't you?"

"But...but... just look at this mess!" Junilun stammered. "The World Cup starts soon. How am we gonna get this cleaned up before then?"

"Not to worry dearie, I'll have this cleaned up in no time!" Akhsaru said. "I'm a master of fire, and like they say, there's no fire without smoke."

"Ummm, you mean there's no smoke without fire?"

"Hey, who's the fire Ifrit demon type thing here? Just watch and learn!" With that, she held out her hands and rather miraculously, all the smoke that was billowing out from the kitchen stopped where it was going and started to rush into Akhsaru's hands like a cloud of dust getting sucked into a particularly cute but ditzy vacuum cleaner. Within a matter of seconds, the kitchen was sparkling once again.

"There! Good as new!" Akhsaru said triumphantly. Right at that very moment, Fatarani suddenly appeared out of thin air as she liked to do so often and immediately launched into one her exicted bouts of babbling.

"Hey sis! Sis! Sis! Guess what sis! C'mon, guess! You'll never guess!"

Junilun sighed. "You're right, I'll never guess."

"Go on, have a guess! Oh, this is so cool! Come on, guess!"

"I dunno - you've taken lessons in how to be less annoying?"

"Hmmph! Dummy! Okay, let me ask you this - who's your favourite ever Bettian footballer?"

"Umm, Evan Brooks? He was amazing in his day, what with speed, agility and prowess from a set piece situation. And of course there's the Busilanta brothers - they were simply deadly, and such amazing managers too!"

"How about Ziiaq?"

"I don't know, I've never seen him play."

"Well, you'll soon be able to."

"Of course I will, everyone will once this World Cup gets underway."

"Ah, but what about after the World Cup?"

"It depends on whether he signs for a club or not, I guess."

"Well I've just been speaking to him, and he HAS signed for someone."

"Who? Gabalfa Rovers? Butetown?"

"No dummy, me! He's playing for Pifton Rovers next season! Ain't that just sweet? Now you'll be able to see your boyfriend play for me every week!"

"He's NOT my boyfriend Fati!"

"Sure he is, you've fancied him ever since you met him 200 years ago!"

"Listen Fati, I don't fancy anyone. I'm an Ifrit, and a pretty senior one at that!"

"Maybe Ziiaq thinks you're pretty too! Lots of humans do. He's a good boyfriend for you."

By this time, Junilun was fuming. "Will you be quiet, you annoying little sprog?! HE IS NOT MY BOYFRIEND!" she yelled, eyes blazing as she started crackling with energy. Fatarani knew exactly what was about to happen, and so she cowered in front of the café's entrance.

"No! Don't hurt my favourite window!" she wailed.

Juni calmed down and looked at her sister, confused. "Just what is it with you and that window anyway? Stupid child."

"I'm not a child, I'm 261 years old! And I can have a favourite window if I want to! Meanie!"

"Yeah, whatever. Look, I've got a café to run so why don't go and amuse yourself in the transfer market or something until the World Cup starts, okay?"

THE ROCKET REPORT

QUALIFYING SET TO BEGIN

Kura-Pelland- The home nation expects great things. Feeling the draw is favorable for them to qualify, and justifiably so, the residents are a little more excited about the actual World Cup, then for the start of qualification. On that sideline, with their supporters rooting them on, it’s all about going through the motions and staying healthy. They expect to win. Anything less would be a failure. But on the other side for Newmanistan, things are different. The Rockets are in their first ever qualification for the World Cup. They come with a decent resume for a first timer, having won the Baptism of Fire, and the Di Bradini Cup, but this is a whole different level. Newmanistan is a huge underdog. Heck, for those wagering on the game in Newmanistan, there’s a 2 ½ goal spread in which Kura-Pelland must cover. We do know one thing. And that is that our players will play their hearts out. The Rockets are a team with great chemistry and unity, and the man responsible for a lot of that is Manager Brian Carson, of whom our Clint Peterson sat down with for this one-on-one interview.

CP: Welcome once again. Today we start World Cup qualifying. 90 nations are fighting for the 30 spots that are not already held by the co-hosts. About a third are making their first appearance. Brian, your Rockets are one of them. What does it feel like now, knowing the Empire is finally going to attempt a World Cup.

BC: I’m excited for it. To be able to coach at this level is an honor. I’m honored not only to have the excellent players on my squad, but to be able to participate and represent the Empire in such a prestigious event.

CP: You won the Di Bradini Cup. You won the Baptism of Fire. You and I both know this is completely different, but what about those fans who think we will just continue our winning ways?

BC: Well Clint, I’m not going to sit here and be all gloom and doom about our team’s chances. We know what we’re up against, and we are going to give it our best shot. I can promise you one thing. When this tournament is over, no one will have questioned our effort.

CP: What is your expectation of the team?

BC: My expectation is that we will play 10 qualifying games as hard as we possibly can. That we will be prepared and give it our all. From there, points will be added up, and we will go to the World Cup or to the Cup of Harmony and do just the same in that tournament.

CP: The schedule makers couldn’t have given you a tougher start. At Kura-Pelland. At Milchama. Is that a good or a bad thing, do you think?

BC: I think it’s good to get them out of the way early. And it will be an immediate reminder for us that we are making a major step up in class.

CP: What was your impression of the friendlies? You didn’t score, but you didn’t get blown out, and were very competitive in both.

BC: Overall, I think we played well. I thought we dictated the pace of the Fujisawan Territories game very well, they just have a great goaltender, and I hope she has a ton of success for the Territories in this tournament. Against Starblaydia, we held our own. They played a great game, especially defensively, but we certainly showed we were worthy of being on the same pitch as them. It’s nothing to be ashamed. Being shutout twice in a row, yes, that’s never easy to swallow, but it’s all part of the game.

CP: Alright Brian, I’m going to let you go. Best of luck and make us proud.

BC: Thank you Clint, and thank you to all of the fans for your continued support.

The intercom buzzer buzzed. The attractive young receptionist picked up the handset and listened for a few seconds before replacing it and addressing the guest.

"Mr Obani. The minister will see you now."

Iwan Obani, manager of the Northern Bettia national football team, stood up and made his way into the Minister of War's office, accompanie as ever by his assistant Baron Vendredi. For the half hour he'd been kept waiting, he'd been asking himself the same question over and over again - why on NS-Earth had he been summoned to an emergency meeting with a high-ranking government minister?

Didn't they realise he had a World Cup to prepare for?

Didn't they realise he had a team to manage?

The pair entered the room, and the thick-set muscular type in the uniform of a Northern Bettian army general who was sat behind a large oak desk stood up and motioned to them.

"So good of you to come. Sit down, we have a fair bit to discuss."

"I'll say," Obani replied testily. "We're in the middle of important preparations. How the hell are we supposed to win the World Cup when we're interrupted like this?"

The Minister smiled. "Trust me, you'll find this very helpful indeed," he said as he took a remote control out of his pocket and pointed it at a screen. A picture flickered into view, showing an aerial shot of a football pitch.

"You were wondering just how the army could help your team's chances in this tournament. Take a look and tell me - do you know what this is?"

Obani looked at Vendredi in disbelief before he turned back to the Minister and laughed. "Of course I know what it is you twat - it's a bloody football pitch!"

"Correct, it is indeed a football pitch. To be more precise, it was the training pitch of the Yafor 2 national football team yesterday afternoon..."

The Minister pressed the remote control again and the next picture appeared - it showed the same area, but this time the pitch was pockmarked with a series of large craters.

"...and this is their training pitch one hour ago!"

Obani jaw dropped. "What the...!?" he gasped.

"Impressive isn't it? You see, when it comes to football we're all for trying out various methods of swinging things in our favour, but some of our boffins came up with a simply marvellous idea - why not go back to basics, back to when football pitches all over Bettia were being damaged in this manner?"

"What, you... you don't mean...?"

"Yes. Gentlemen, this is the handiwork of the Northern Bettian army's Fourth Battalion's Giant Ant Squadron."

Obani stared at him for a second, then burst into a hearty, almost maniacal laugh.

"Brilliant! Absolutely brilliant!"

"Yes, we thought you'd like it. You concentrate on preparing our team, and we'll concentrate on making sure the other teams can't get quite so prepared, and before long the Fire Ants will have pissed this group and our nation will be well on the way to the glory we have long deserved!"

http://www.islandsdaily.co.ad/sport/blog
Group win in the bag?
Posted 10:55 pm, day before MD1

With Ad'ihan drawn into a relatively easy group, it's not difficult to see why some — nay, many — people are saying that Ad'ihan have Group Nine in the bag.

Ad'ihan's five opponents in the group — Wentland, Prux, Kiryu-shi, Hryvina and Ruskastan — all appear to be easy targets, perhaps with the exception of Wentland.

World Cup 40 qualifying will see only the group winners getting a guaranteed spot at the finals, however. The second and third-placed teams are entered into a complex playoff system, which could see many big-name teams miss the glory of the World Cup.

Ad'ihan will be keen to avoid that. To that end, Dave Hollow has called up a number of fresh faces to the squad, and promoted others — including 20-year-old Vephrall-based Tony Jones — to starting positions.

I'm highly optimistic about our chances this time. After all, we did make the quarter finals last time out. However, even one slip-up will cost us dear, and I expect Hollow's men to go out there to try to end the campaign 10-0-0. Here's wishing them the best.

Davey Thomson is a regular contributor to the United Islands Daily and a long-time Ad'ihani football commentator. He will be blogging for the Daily's sports blog for the duration of this cup instead of writing a column.

Sinan looks forward to game
With many people expecting the team to be walked over in tonights game, Sinan Kose has expressed his beleif in the teams ability to pull an upset away from home. He said as he left the airport to get to the game he felt like there could be something special in the works as the team are more gelled after their training camp. Uzulmez has also said that anything would be possible so long as Sinan and Co. are at their very best but that he could see the media's reasoning behind puting the Turks as outsiders and admitted it was a completely different class.

With many expecting Sinan's strike partner to be William-Fabro the son of an immigrant into the country who played his way out of poverty and has just recieved Kosenic Nationality and has been tipped to be Sinan Kose's strike partner for tonights big opening night. Also some changes are to be made on the wings tonight as many expect Tumer Oktay to start in place of Sabri Gunes.

Mark sat with his tongue in his cheek. He took a deep breath and carefully began to blow outwards, before rolling his tongue across the inside of his top lip. Then he moved it back across again and then back the other way once more, picking up speed every time until it was crossing back and forth about ten times per second.

The ultimate effect was a sound uncannily like that made by a helicopter in the near distance. By altering the speed at which his tongue’s ‘beats’ were made, the force of the blowing out of air and the exact placement of the tongue as it moved across the mouth; Mark could shift across the whole gamut of rotor-based aircraft. Do it this way and you could make a passable Chinook. Do it this way and you could be mistaken for thinking that a Switzish II-54 Sleddog was directly overhead, replete with its inter-meshing contra-rotating twin-rotor arrangement.

Mark had long ago perfected the technique and was immensely proud of it. He used it even more, now. It helped him not think.

Of course, he’d never actually plucked up the courage to make the noises in front of anyone else, not even Elizabeth. Come to think of it, he’d never even mentioned it to anyone else. For all he knew it was something that everyone did, in their darkest moments. At the very least he had no real idea if it would sound so effective to anyone else, or if the true extent of the helicopteryishness was confined to the inside of his skull.

Was that thought quite zen? Probably not. Mark wasn’t really sure. The Candelarias, as a country, had passed through the requisite period of fascination with eastern religions in its early adolescence, and had long since settled down into its current cheerfully belligerent agnosticism.

What he was quite conscious of was that he was probably going slightly mad, though for a man of his age that was perfectly reasonable. He’d considered asking somebody about that and all, but his sincerely doubted whether anyone around here could be classified as a reliable witness on the matter. By now their company had become a little draining. He wanted to get out, more than he’d ever wanted just about anything. He also wanted revenge, of course, but he’d discovered much to his surprise that that was very much a secondary priority compared to seeing Elizabeth and the boys and the grandkids again. He was even prepared to forgo the millions of rupees in compensation he was surely entitled to.

God, he was lonely.

“Mister Mark! Come-Come!”

Of course, it was impossible to be actually alone here, even if the others did afford him some degree of privacy. The shouter was Qajeer Noorzai, the Ruskani. He was a genuinely nice chap, which was more than you could say about a lot of the others here. He could barely speak English, hadn’t got the faintest clue what he was in here for and spent most of his time showing battered photos of his children to anyone foolish enough to let him. He was probably, Mark felt, a little bit mental; but the ‘little bit’ was the important modifier.

There were quite a few who seemed pretty baffled by their inclusion among the ranks of the Ministry’s most wanted. Take Marcus Marshall for one. A few weeks earlier he’d known nothing of this world, or so he said at any rate, and had merely been planning a short break in Bettia via Kura-Pelland. That in itself was a sin; Bettia being on the list of ‘unsafe’ destinations for Candelariasian travel to the AO, alongside Miceland, Novap… sorry, Ulospavon, Turori and Az-cz and Starblaydia, unless you’d been thoroughly briefed on the distressing effects of endemic non-neurological congenital hypothyroidism beforehand. But it seemed a bit much to arrest the fella and chuck him down here, amongst the twisted priests who had tried (and managed) to summon daemons into corporeal existence, those who claimed (quite correctly) that they had been abducted by aliens and were threatening to tell the whole country about it, those journalists that had investigated a certain Lyndon Hernández MP and the Department for Rushmori Agricultural Subsidies just that little bit too profusely.

The Ministry liked having that sort of people around the place, usually. It helped make the official line that much more convincing when you had Fester from West Candelaria selling his story about midnight anal probing to the Mercury. But those who got a tad too close to the truth and declined to shut up about it? Those who demanded millions for their silence? They came here, alongside the other group of people; the ones who kept themselves to themselves, the ones who ranged in size from one foot to fourteen feet, the ones who looked like children but who possessed eyes thousands of years old, the wizened old men who occasionally spent the odd hour in the form of a young pig just the break the monotony of it all. The ones who stayed huddled in their corner 24/7, pining for their tree. And the ones Mark never saw, that were kept apart, that were identifiable only from their roars and tantrums that could shatter mountains.

“Mister Mark!”

Mark clambered to his feet.

“Yes, Qaj?”

“You come quick, Mister Mark!”

Mark ambled over to where Qajeer and Marcus and Llewellyn and the others were seated. As he walked towards them they broke into song.

“Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to yoooou! Happy biiiirthday dear formermanageroftheC&MnationalfootballteamMarkBay-Keeeerrr! Happy birthday tooo yooooou!”

“Oh, you guys!” Mark Baker sniffed, putting a hand around Qajeer and trying to avoid squashing Llewellyn, who was about twenty inches high.

“We couldn’t get you a cake,” an old journalist called Terry told him, “On account of being detained indefinitely in a maximum security prison an’ all.”

“Oh, that’s quite alright.”

He was aware they were looking at him awkwardly.

“What?”

Qajeer shuffled his feet. “Perhaps you be reading this?” He held out a newspaper. “Terry he tooks it from Mister Jonty.”

Jonty was one of their comedy jailers. Mark took the paper cautiously, turned a page and read to himself.

…CAMAFA admits Cafundéu blunder… Candelaria And Marquez Association Football Association President Owen Jones confirmed last night that an ‘administrative blunder’ was responsible for O’Sullivan Caras’ late arrival at the Cafundéu League XI versus Yafor 2 game in Cafundó do Juta. An error in communication somewhere down the line resulted in Caras’ fellow Cafundéu-based star, Ignacio Vélez, being withdrawn from the C&M squad to face Hopeless SC in his stead. Caras travelled to Cafundéu immediately after the end of the Big Blues’ 5-2 victory, but failed to make it in time to be involved in the game, a 2-2 draw. Vélez, who had not been selected for the squad, was forced to sit in the stands despite arriving in full kit, having been informed by the CAMAFA that he was set to be involved.

The gaffe is a major embarrassment for the CAMAFA, ahead of an administratively challenging game with Illegal Imm–

“Mark… That’s the wrong page, isnæt?” Llewellyn squeaked calmly.

“Ah.” Baker muttered. Even now, he was still so used to turning to the back page for the crossword and the sport. He turned the paper round to the front cover.

TESTS CONFIRM BAKER BODY

Mark swallowed.

Tests on the human remains discovered by divers off the Albrecht Cove last month have confirmed that they belonged to Mark Baker, the former manager of Albrecht Turkish and the C&M national football team.

Dr. Susannah Rohaert, of the Albrecht Special Hospital, verified that the forensic examination of the individual’s teeth made it all but certain that the body had belonged to Baker, who has been missing since the final stages of World Cup 38 qualifying. Rohaert added that the cause of death could not be determined, but the Albrecht Metropolitan Police have shown no signs of reopening the case and a verdict of accidental death is expected to be passed within months. It would have been Baker’s sixty-fifth birthday on Monday.

The confirmation was widely expected since the body was discovered in shallow waters around St. Peter’s Rock, complete with personal items of Baker’s, but the news will still come as a deep shock to the Candelarias’ football community. Baker’s wife and sons released a statement last night expressing their profound grief at the news and requesting that their privacy be recognised while C&M are expected to wear black armbands during their forthcoming home fixture wit…

He read on, the paper quivering in his shaking hands. Inside, Mark Baker, the former manager of the Candelaria And Marquez national football team, died.

Rennidan Prepares For ‘War’.

After recent mutterings about Sorthern Northlands playing tactics concerning football, the Rennidanian Government, along with the country's Holy Monks and the Rennidan Football Association, have taken steps to prepare for the less-than-orthodox team.

It recently came to light that Sorthern Northland's team had been 'acquired' by the nations military. According to a read out by Major General O'Reilly, each member of Sorthern Northland's team will be equipped with assault rifles and grenades. Security at the match is going to be tight, with both the Rennidanian Army and the Holy Monks turning out to keep order.

Gregoff Noyorma, Chairman of the RFA, had this to say;

"We can assure the true fans of football in our glorious nation that not a single piece of weaponry will be brought out onto the pitch of the Rennidan National Stadium in our upcoming qualifier against Sorthern Northland."

When asked why the match was to be played at Rennidan's old stadium, instead of the brand new, and quite beautiful, Eorga Choondra Stadium, Noyorma simply laughed and said, "Just in case".

Both the team and the army have been briefed on what to do in case any gun is fired at them.

“I think it’s outrageous. If Sorthern Northland can’t win without guns and military tactics, they shouldn’t even be in the World Cup," said one fan.

Team Captain Ryan Malkoa, however, had this to say; “It’s there style of playing. We’re a defensive team and they’re… well, they have guns and explosions. It just adds a little extra something to the game.”

http://x55.xanga.com/272c720709c35171177946/q129924595.png

Beer Not Served There, Warns Oberlander

Despite his impending retirement, Pazhujeb Islands national team manager Jaime Oberlander is still making it quite clear to his players that he will not tolerate any funny business before or after matches. Ever the professional, he has just made a public appearance, warning his players and his staff that they are not to indulge in any alcohol-related celebrations at any point during their upcoming visit to the nation of Beer Served Here, where the Urchins' first World Cup qualifying match will take place.

Not a great deal is known about Beer Served Here by Pazhujebi intelligence estimates, however, Oberlander appears concerned of his players behavior in a nation with such a debauchery=implying title. Any alcohol-consumption, especially beer, will result in suspension, said Oberlander.

Beer Served Here will be the first stop in the Pazhujeb Islands Group 4 qualifying endeavor. The group is not expected to be difficult, but the Urchins will be hard-pressed to earn points against the top two seeds Squornshelous and Archregimancy.

Fans will remember that in qualifying for World Cup 39, the Pazhujeb Islands and the Archregimancy met, and controversy surrounded the national team's extended stay in the Dreamed Realm. There will certainly be no confusion this time around that the Pazhujeb Islands are not an Orthodox nation, although this lack of confusion is not expected to result in any lack of bad blood.

The following is the schedule for World Cup 40 qualifying.

Matchday 1: Beer Served Here - Pazhujeb Islands
Matchday 2: Pazhujeb Islands - The Archregimancy (@ Bengaluru Velodrome in Bengaluru)
Matchday 3: Diojiu - Pazhujeb Islands
Matchday 4: Pazhujeb Islands - Kolanderaz (@ K'arasiam Sarvatobhav in Pkethat Hevnaje)
Matchday 5: Squornshelous - Pazhujeb Islands (@ Vogsphere Arena in Vogsphere)
Matchday 6: Pazhujeb Islands - Beer Served Here (@ Therakham Coliseum in Mahathu)
Matchday 7: The Archregimancy - Pazhujeb Islands (@ A Peaceful Woodland Glade in the Dreamed Realm)
Matchday 8: Pazhujeb Islands - Diojiu (@ Therakham Coliseum in Mahathu)
Matchday 9: Kolanderaz - Pazhujeb Islands
Matchday 10: Pazhujeb Islands - Squornshelous (@ Zhevassi Athletic Field in Zhevassi)
Post-Qualifying Friendly Match: Pazhujeb Islands - Starblaydia (@ Zhevassi Athletic Field in Zhevassi)

A close analysis shows that a farewell friendly has been scheduled for Jaime Oberlander against Starblaydia at the end of qualifying. Oberlander has declined to comment, saying that he wants to focus on qualifying.

Newmanistan media have asserted that Kura-Pelland is mostly looking forward to the World Cup already, but Fedde Beattis is having none of it.

'We're up against one of the world's top teams in this group, the assumption around this country is that we are almost certain to finish second or maybe third, and hence our preparation is not for the World Cup itself but for the playoffs,' the veteran striker told NTV1.

'And in actual fact, we believe we can win this group. We do not want a playoff, anything can happen, and we've outqualified Milchama before. They are a better side for their World Cup 39 performance, but I do believe that was a fluke; they're certainly not one of the three best teams in the world, and I believe we can prove that.'

Captain and goalkeeper Stephen Hill, for his part, says Milchama are 'formidable' but that 'the group is there to be won'.

'If we perform at all well, there are seven games we will definitely win,' he said. 'But we will have problems with Milchama, of course - they are formidable opposition - and the trip to Kelssek will be very tricky because of their climate, although we should be able to deal with them at Shanvley.'

With Champions' Cup commitments coming up for some of the top players, it's a somewhat unfamiliar side that line up against Newmanistan, although a strike partnership of Fiero and Beattis is frightening. Hill is the choice in goal, but the formation is slightly experimental; Bo Phelps is used as a sweeper behind a back four of Burton, Williams, Yuram-Wilson and Rukovich, and a midfield trio of Vax, Marling and Belling is preferred. It's the first time a 5-3-2 has been used by the national team, but the plan is for them to go forward. Rukovich certainly needs no invitation to do so, and with Vax acting as an orthodox holding midfielder Marling and Belling are free to run wild on the wings, possibly with Phelps making his characteristic runs forward whenever the mood takes him.

----------

No musical theatre references in this RP, but there's two more from earlier which do have references...

Monastic Football Association Memorandum

RE: Mid-qualifier friendlies

4th Week of Great Lent

Today’s Saints & Feasts:
Repose of St Innocent the Metropolitan of Moscow the Enlightener of the Aleuts and Apostle to the Americas
Repose of St Jonah the Metropolitan of Moscow and All Russia
St Hypatius the Wonderworker and Bishop of Gangra
Venerable Hypatius the Healer of the Kiev Caves
Venerable Apollonius, Ascetic, of Egypt
Hieromartyr Audas the Bishop of Persia
Martyr Benjamin the Deacon
Venerable Hypatius the Abbot of Rufinus in Chalcedon
Appearance of the Iveron Icon of the Mother of God
St Acacius the Confessor
Righteous Joseph the Patriarch

Dear Brothers in Christ

It may have come to your attention that our much-beloved brother Fr. Seraphim the Occasionally Dangerously Free-thinking Theologian has yet again put his sometimes controversial views abroad by noting that the lack of friendly invitations somehow suggests that the Holy Monastic Republic is ‘friendless’. Despite the Monastic Football Association not sharing this concern, the Holy Synod, in consultation with the Archregimand and the Patriarch’s representative to the Holy Synod, has decided to consider three subsequent invitations for friendlies.

Starblaydia: Home. Accepted provided the Starblaydis accept the one man and his dog restrictions on visiting support. However, at the express command of the Archregimand (expressing the will of the Imperial government) Mr. Di Bradini is to be considered an official of the Starblaydi government, and is therefore to be permitted to attend. Yes, I realise that he’s a pagan, but it’s out of our hands.

Casari: Away. Accepted provided that the Casaran hierarchy renounces the schismatic Pope of Rome and reverts to Orthodoxy as a fully autocephalous Orthodox jurisdiction. Our reasoning? They’ve promised us a match “under whatever necessary conditions of anonymity they desire”. Surely the only way for our anonymity to be guaranteed is for us to play in an Orthodox nation. A long shot, but perhaps worth a try.

Bazalonia: Away. Accepted as the invitation comes at the express behest of the canonical Iconodulistic Autocephalous Orthodox Church of Bazalonia. We cannot refuse our Orthodox brothers this Lenten season.

Yours in Christ,

The Monastic Football Association Board +

World Cup 40 Qualifiers
PQF: HAN 2-1 ESF (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD1: HAN(26) --- (167)ENG (@ Oromokojei Football Stadium, Oromokjei)
MD2: HAN(26) --- (61)MGV (@ Sanghae National Football Stadium, Sanghae)
MD3: JAR(59) --- (26)HAN
MD4: SJV(154) --- (26)HAN
MD5: HAN(26) --- (16)CAS (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MQF: TAE --- HAN
MD6: ENG(167) --- (26)HAN
MD7: MGV(61) --- (26)HAN
MD8: HAN(26) --- (59)JAR (@ Munhwa Football Stadium, Hanseong)
MD9: HAN(26) --- (154)SJV (@ King Kim Iljei Memorial Football Stadium, Malnira)
MD10: CAS(16) --- (26)HAN

The IFA (Imperial Football Association, because I've gotten enough inquiries on wth that meant - I mean, come on - everyone knows what "FA" means; what makes it anydifferent with an "I" in front of it? and also, I'm the only one using that acronym, so why should I care that I'm the only "Imperial Football Assocation"? - sheesh...) has announced that it has accepted an invitation by some obscure country called Prazkoy (播支怪|파지괴) - the mid-qualifier friendly will be played at Gwangdong. The statement of intent has yet to be broadcast to the WCC, which officially regulates all matches during the World Cup.

In the meantime, Ioshido opened the floor for a press conference in advance of the first match at the capital of the distinct Shingang Province. Despite this, large crowds gathered to watch and await the arrival of the Engbec team. Ioshido stood in front of the crowd issuing a statement before turning to questions...

吉田 = Ioshido
R1 = Reporter #1
R2 = Reporter #2
R3 = Reporter #3
R4 = Reporter #4

吉田: ... and I feel confident that our players will rule the field. We've got incredible home support and our players are clearly better in form. Now, I'll take a few questions.

R1: Yes. Very enlightening speech. Tell me, how do you think the Han will play against Engbec's tanks?

吉田: First of all, Engbec doesn't have tanks because last I checked, your government forbids bringing any sort of weaponry from other countries without proper clearance. And secondly, why would they bring tanks?

R2: Didn't you hear about Sorthern Northland? They've militarized their team with guns and tanks! And their first opponent has decided to militarize too. Bostopia - we all know what happened last time! We almost destroyed them with nuclear weapons! And then there's some other countries too...

吉田: Don't tell me that you believe that there was a war at that football match? I saw the news reports from Fort Boston. There was no war. And why are you talking? This is a press conference!

R4: But we write the story about what happens. And one of us saw what happened!

吉田: Does that make it true?

R4: No. But it's pretty hard to refute a lie once it's told.

吉田: So you could theoretically write all this bad shit about me and tell everyone else that it's true and it wouldn't matter? People would believe that I in fact sodomize plastic models and ride a bird to work every day, if you wrote it?

*crickets chirp*

吉田: Hmm. I guess that's the power of gossip.

R3: Don't worry. We only write lies if we don't like what we're seeing. As long as you do fine, we'll be happy to write the truth.

吉田: That's comforting... *watches press room stare at him, waiting for him to make a bad move* I think this press conference is over now. Thank you.

RP CUTOFF

A pithy comment will appear here later

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Cardinal Arkanis of Casari announces seperation from Catholic Church
"It occurs to us that we don't really know who this pope fellow is anyway"

In a highly bizzare announcement outside St. Thomas Cathedral in the capital city of Tyrellia today, Cardinal Arkanis, massive football fan and the foremost representative of the Catholic Church in Casari, announced that churches under his jurisdiction would revert to the Orthodox branch of the faith. Most of the explanation was limited to the statement "I've never been to Rome, I couldn't tell you where it is, I've never met the pope, and it seems to be mostly the same anyway."

Most Casaran Catholics responded to reports with skepticism for most of the day, until a timetable to covert churches and cathedrals over to a much more pleasing, orthodox standard, was released.

"I don't know what the hell's going on, myself." One person said, watching work begin on their own local church.

It is hoped that certain levels of leeway will be given in the transition, but hopes are that the team of footballing monks from the Archregimancy will feel more than comfortable visiting the nation, and an invitation was issued for ranking members of the Dreamed nation to preside at the reopening of St. Thomas Cathedral under it's new, proper name, the Cathedral of Saint Nicholas, which should be retrofitted completely by the time of the match.

CSA officials were more than delighted at the occurance, and have happily announced the acceptance of the friendly, which has been tentatively scheduled for Casari World Arena. "We've always liked the monks, and we're happy to be playing them once again." Michael Maclusky said to reporters.

In other news, modifications were announced today for the horse racing track under construction in nearby Mabase. Owners believe that the modifications to make the track suitable for "other forms of racing" would be necessary before construction was completed.

http://www.btinternet.com/~david.boston/_bostopia/dailymailheader.png

Daehanjeiguk Mentions War With Bostopia In Press Conference.

Bostopian Babies Panicked and Afraid, Sorthern Northland Implicated

Bostopia was today on alert after the Daily Mail revealed that in a press conference in Daehanjeiguk, the IFA mentioned almost destroying our nation in a nuclear war. This has prompted mass fear throughout the nation. However, the Han plot has been foiled, as our citizens, instead of ransacking shops and pillaging supplies, have been maintaining the orderly queues that are known throughout the world for the orderly fashion.

So far, no sign of enemy action has been reported, and the Emperor is reported writing to Daehanjeiguk's leadership to diffuse the situation, though military action has not yet been ruled out.

---Fort Boston Castle---

“Dear Leader of Daehanjeiguk.

Hello! Just a quick note to say that while we love you very much, and the hamsters that we used to eat your crickets with were given to the local children (who are very happy with their hamsters*), we really don't want a war, so any lack of mentioning of said previous war or any upcoming war would be greatly appreciated.

Yours

Emperor Boston

*they were happy until we had to kill off the hamsters for spreading lies and communism (usually the same thing)”

POPE SAD BY CASARI'S SEPARATION FROM CATHOLIC CHURCH

The Pope Linus V released a note destined to all the newspapers of the world, expressing his frustration by Casari's decision of getting separated from the Catholic Church. He sent the message from the obscure region of Rome, a place visited by few and known by these same few that visit this place. Yes, many people don't know what is Rome, and where this place is located. Some people even say that it is some kind of divine place where only the truly enlightened can go. Well, only the most influential members of the Catholic Church can tell us this, and they won't.

Pope Linus V, now aged 70, was born with the name of Ulisses Costa Mourão in the city of São José, located in Cafundéu. His father, a famous politician, worked in the government of the Old Cities state. His mother, a teacher, was responsible for his education. Although a big part of Cafundéu's citizens are Catholic, the country's culture that highly values the money and individual success don't allow the people to really follow their religion. So, Ulisses's decision of dedicating his life to the church was surprising, considered by some people even an idiot act, as his family was a rich one.

In the note sent to the press, Linus V said: "I'm shocked with these news. I wasn't expecting anything like this, I'm really sad, I thought that they had faith on our church. This is something that makes me very depressed, how can a country change suddenly? The authorities involved in this decision don't deserve to reach Rome, this magnificent place." A cardinal that nobody knows the name, not even the Pope, said: "I'm surprised too, but won't cry. It's their decision, it's their problem, let them decide their own faith."

World Cup Preview Extravaganza

Throughout Kereca's first foray into international competition, the Kereca Times will extensively cover the national team’s every match. The Kerecans make their debut this week versus Aqua Teen Hungerland.

And so it begins

World Cup 40 is nearly upon us, and Kerecans are delirious in anticipation of their nation’s first World Cup Qualifying match. The youngsters will be taking on Aqua Teen Hungerland, an outfit coincidentally also in their first World Cup. In case you are not familiar with our national football squad, we have provided a list of players to watch during Kereca’s inaugural World Cup run.

Name: Kevin Roberts
Position: Forward
Club: Kereca University

K-Rob, as his fellow students affectionately call the lanky striker, is one of the most popular - and successful - players in Kerecan football. The 19-year-old will reside on the left side of the pitch, as his preferred position at Kereca University. Roberts has consistently been a prolific scorer in his career, using his superior athletic ability and size (6’, 180 lbs) to score on smaller and slower opponents. As a seventeen year old, Roberts first gained national attention as a goal-scoring ace playing for the now defunct Murray Street club, outclassing opponents nearly twice his age. In his freshman year playing for a high-tempo University side, K-Rob led his team in goals. Roberts is also a likeable kid and sure to be a fan favorite on the national squad.

Name: Martin McBride
Position: Forward
Club: Athletic

Lining up next to Roberts will be Martin McBride, the 22-year-old Kereca City native playing for his hometown club, Athletic. McBride completes a big, physical frontline for the Kerecans that is expected to see a lot of playing time during World Cup qualifying. The dynamic duo have gotten very along well during the short few months the team has been training together. It will be interesting to see which forward, Roberts or McBride, will lead the team in scoring.

Name: Mike Allison
Position: Midfielder
Club: Athletic

Allison is by far the oldest member of Kereca’s World Cup squad. The 40-year-old centre midfielder for Athletic may not be as flashy as his younger counterparts, but he is certainly a solid contributor to the team. A policeman by career, Allison is well respected by his younger teammates and is considered a leader of the team.

Name: Jeremy McNulty
Position: Goalkeeper
Club: Kingston Town

The diminutive West Ender (5’6” 145 lbs) is one of the smallest players on the squad, and yet is also the vocal leader of the team from the keeper’s box. What the 27-year-old lacks in size, he makes up in pure quickness and determination. If there’s any fault with McNulty, it’s that he’s too passionate. “Mac” has collected four yellows and one red card in his time with Kingston Town, a record among keepers. The two youthful keepers backing up McNulty will be players to keep an eye out for as well. National team manager Cliff Carpenter has stated that 17-year-old Joey Coleman and 15-year-old Jerry Arias will each see some time during qualifying. Coleman has shown quite a bit of promise at Gansby Public School, and is expected to start for Kereca University next year as a freshman. Arias, meanwhile, may be the most talented keeper in Kereca at just fifteen years of age. Those in the know say that Arias has nearly everything - size, speed, and intelligence. His one drawback, analysts say, is that he can be a bit timid at times on the pitch. During World Cup training, experts say the youngster has looked up to starter (and fellow West End native) Jeremy McNulty, in a number of areas. “Looking up” may not be the best term - Arias is half a foot taller than his mentor at six foot even, and is still growing. In short, Jerry Arias should be a staple of the national team for years to come.

National Stadium in the Works?

Imagine Kereca’s best XI competing against the best football teams in the world in front of tens of thousands of supporters, all decked out in blue and green. This may seem a bit farfetched now, but in years to come, this fantasy may just become a reality. Rumors were abound Thursday, as KFA President Jack Dana hinted towards the possible building of a national football stadium.

“It is a bit of an embarrassment to play in such small stadia,” said Dana, “but they will do for the time being. As we get more fans interested we’ll simply need more seats. And, wanting to be good hosts, of course, we‘d like opposing fans and press to have a nicer stadium to visit as well.”

Kereca currently plays the majority of its international matches in tiny Wise Field in Kereca City. It is unclear where the proposed new stadium would be located, or how it would be financed.

“There’s no way I would pay for it,” stated a local Kereca City businessman, who wished to remain anonymous. “But if the government stepped up and built it, I’d probably go to more matches, myself.”

Matchday 1 Predictions

The Kereca Times gathered a number of prognosticators, professional and otherwise, to predict each of Kereca’s World Cup qualifying matches.

Jeffrey Byrnes, Kereca Times Sports Editor - Kereca 3 ATH 1
Maria Ahrens, Kereca Times Sports Reporter - Kereca 1 ATH 1
Stephen Bridge, KTTV Sports Analyst - Kereca 1 ATH 0
Kenny Woods, KTTV World Cup Correspondent - Kereca 1 ATH 3
Tim Rose, Athletic reserve midfielder - Kereca 2 ATH 1
Miss Bonnie, Kereca City-area Clairvoyant - Kereca 1 ATH 4
Jim McClain, random Kereca Times reader - Kereca 3 ATH 0

World Cup 40 Qualifiers
MD1: SOL(58) 1-1 (173)PRA
MD2: PRA(173) --- (3)ESF (@ Praži Štadyon oř’Futbol, Praz)
MD3: BLU(64) --- (173)PRA
MD4: PRA(173) --- (153)AGR (@ Praži Štadyon oř’Futbol, Praz)
MD5: BOS(24) --- (173)PRA
MQF: TBD
MD6: PRA(173) --- (58)SOL (@ Praži Štadyon oř’Futbol, Praz)
MD7: ESF(3) --- (173)PRA
MD8: PRA(173) --- (64)BLU (@ Praži Štadyon oř’Futbol, Praz)
MD9: AGR(153) --- (173)PRA
MD10: PRA(173) --- (24)BOS (@ Praži Štadyon oř’Futbol, Praz)

Grand Hussite Church announces intentions to introduce "Free Football From Ferocious Fanatics" Initiative

Representatives of the Hussite Church (Čirk Husictuwy | cheerk hooseetstoovy) mentioned that Patriarch Miroslaw Nowák might sanction the formation of a "Free Football From Ferocious Fanatics" Initiative. The Hussite Church of Prazkoy claims to follow the teachings of Yan Hus, a person who spoke Czech and not Praži. The Church's primary focus is laid principally upon the total immersion of all members of the Church to follow and accept Biblical law. With a harmonic ideal in mind, the Church has viewed the present attitudes of spectators of football to be "increasingly hostile and anti-Christian"; it was therefore decided that preceding every match with the Prazkoy National Football Team, there would the recitation of the Sermon on the Mount according to the Gospel of Saint Matthew. Players who closely followed the Christian tradition would be invited to participate in the Eucharist.

As to why the Church has decided to intervene in the increasingly hostile environment, we have no clue - we only report the news.

World Cup Qualifying – MD1

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/nire_and_nire.png Nire and Nire : Acapais http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/acapais.png
2:0 (2:0)


Match Report:
Nire and Nire – The first match of Acapais’s World Cup Qualifying campaign for World Cup 39 was against Nire and Nire and ended in a 2-0 victory for the home side on Monday night. The Manager for Acapais, Stephanie Horne, has started her qualifying season on the wrong foot.

O’Hare was the only highlight of the first half worth mentioning. Acapais, offensively was stagnant with four first half shots none of which were on target. Nire and Nire struck five shots on target. Four of these were saved by Acapan starting goalkeeper Hunchman O'Hare; the other was cleared off the line by Kyle Rummy which the Nire and Nire striker poorly aimed straight at the defender.

The visitors attacked well early in the second half, but found themselves behind after just six minutes. A poor clearance by Rummy hit Agitril in the buttocks and rolled in the back of the net. Things went from bad to worse for the Hearts when a second own goal was netted for Nire and Nire. A low corner deflected off the shin-guard of Derek Sample as he tried to clear it away and spun past the keeper.

Miss Horne was seen at one point during the second half laughing and chatting with an unidentifiable male gentleman in the stands. Miss Horne denied everything in the post-match interview. She did mention however that the match “showed the world how much Nire and Nire prepared for this match; they did their homework.”

This leaves Acapan football fans wondering why they did not do their own.

Scoring:
Nire and Nire – (og) Rex Agitril 51
Nire and Nire – (og) Derek Sample 72

Booking:
Acapais – James Fronberry (caution; unsporting behavior) 43
Acapais – Jose Castro (caution; dissent) 56
Acapais – Bradley Sample (caution; unsporting behavior) 75

Acapais Lineup:
Starters: Hunchman O'Hare (GK); Bradly Sample, Rex Agitril, Kyle Rummy, Derek Sample; Zachary McKellar; Henry Paroe, Al Vick Osman; James Fronberry (C); Jose Castro, Dave Lugini;
Available Subs: Paul Junxton, Nick Daniels, David Franzman, Pablo, Benjamin Nelson, Dean Chilvers, Bobby Carter
Head Coach:Stephanie Horne

Next Match:
@ The Daleks 2
Starters: Hunchman O'Hare (GK); Bradly Sample, Rex Agitril, Kyle Rummy, Derek Sample; Zachary McKellar; Henry Paroe, Al Vick Osman; James Fronberry (C); Jose Castro, Dave Lugini;
Available Subs: Paul Junxton, Nick Daniels, David Franzman, Pablo, Benjamin Nelson, Dean Chilvers, Bobby Carter
Head Coach:Stephanie Horne
http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/the_daleks_2.png

Injuries/Supensions:
None

Acapais Goal Scorers:
1 – Dave Lugini
1 – James Fronberry

Acapais Assists Leaders:
1 – Henry Paroe

Acapais Yellow Cards:
1 – Zach McKellar
1 – Al Vick Osaman
1 – Derek Sample
1 – James Fronberry
1 – Jose Castro
1 – Bradley Sample

Acapais Red Cards:

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Acapais RP Threads
Roster Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13551336&postcount=29)

ANNOUNCER: Call of the Night... brought to you by Sonic Boom. Catch the wave!

(Highlights of the game begin as radio broadcasts are played in the background. The opening shot is of fighter planes streaking over the stadium, flashbulbs go off, and World Cup 40 qualifiers are GO!)

CALL: "Underwood dispossessed in the midfield, and the Monopolists attack. Marcelo Rocha has it, plays it up to Marcelinho. Marcelinho, the crossover, into space, men either side. Lays if off for Rocha making a hard run down the right. It's Rocha, into the box, and there's FLEEECHAAA! My goodness! Flecha silences this crowd with a massive header, I don't know if Watanabe even saw it! One-nil, eight minutes in, off of Flecha's dynamite header!!"

CALL: "Leyton comes back and fights for the ball. Moreira is knocked off of it, play on says the ref! Leyton coming up with it, Moreira wanted a foul! Squares it to Whittaker. Whittaker. Steps up, takes a crack, OH AND IT'S GONE IN! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL!! Benjamin Whittaker from just outside the box has tied it up, minute thirteen! It all goes back to that aggressive move in the midfield by captain Jericho Leyton, and Whittaker... breaks to the near post right at the last minute!"

CALL: "Marcelinho wins the header. Now Underwood gets to it. Forward to Morimoto who traps it on the chest. He plays square to Leyton, who has room to move. Leyton brings it up field and now over to Whittaker. Whittaker sends in a low cross. Behind Alex, IKEDA IS THERE. AND IKEDAAAAAAA... GOOOOOOOOOOAL! And the roar of the crowd confirms it, it's a goal for Hideo Ikeda, who redirects it past the diving Moises! The vision from Whittaker, looks up and spots a gap in the Cafundeu defense, and puts it right in the path of Ikeda's run, and that almost looked too easy!"

CALL: "Da Silva takes the throw, brought in by Augusto Cesar. Cesar. Cesar. Dribbles into space and hits a long cross for Moreira. Moreira chests it down for Marcelinho, he's on a run, and down he goes! Tries to split the defense, and that'll be obstruction on Weatherford, free kick outside of twenty five. Well, not much the defense could do there, caught in the quick transition. Weatherford just clips Marcelinho on the run past. Minute forty. Two-one to the Black Wings, and Marcelinho to take it. It's a cracker, AND IT'S A GOAL!! GOOO~LA~ZO! And that was brilliant no matter how you slice it, Marcelinho places it over the wall, and Watanabe doesn't even flinch! Look at it again, right through a gap in the wall between Barclay and Boskov, and it curves into the near post!"

CALL: "Throw in to Da Silva, and he touches it off for Cesar. Cesar, long ball for Saulo, just a bit behind, Barclay has it. A good effort there to spot the streaking Saulo, who very nearly beat the defense on a similar ball just before halftime. Barclay has it up to Boskov. Boskov touches it off to Whittaker, who sprints down the line! Whittaker has time, and sends it into the box. Ikeda leaps for it, GOES DOWN, WHISTLE! And the ref's pointed to the spot! PENALTY! It's Marcelo Rocha, he wants to know what he's done, and he's seeing yellow! And what a turn this could be... they both go up strong, Rocha got in there with the elbow and sends Ikeda to the turf, and that will give the Wings a chance to take the lead, now, minute fifty seven. Ikeda to take it. The approach, the shot, hard left! GOOOOOOOOOOOOAL! And the crowd loves it, Dancougar is back in the lead!"

CALL: "Flecha tries to cut through, and he loses the ball again! Weatherford has stepped it up tonight, the sophomore from the Pembrooke Academy, now he starts the counter. Weatherford feeds it up to Leyton, who lays it square for Boskov. Boskov sends it up for Jinguuji. Jinguuji looks to turn, but Souza is marking him tight. Turns, looks for help, has Morimoto making a run from the side! Into the center of the field, Jinguuji passes back! ONE TIME, OOOOOOOOOH MY GOODNESS! And the crowd erupts! Morimoto with a laser, and the Wings now lead 4-2! Minute seventy two!"

CALL: "We expected goals tonight, folks, but not like this! And now there's ten minutes to play, with Cafundeu throwing more men forward in attack! Alex into the midfield, and over to the sideline, where he has Marcelinho. Marcelinho, he has a been working tirelessly down that side of the field all night. Moreira makes a run, he's got the ball, and into the box. Moreira, MOREIRA, cuts back, DOWN HE GOES! And the ref's blown him up! Yamada is going to get a yellow! And Cafundeu wins a penalty! Oh my, Moreira made a wicked cut back to the outside and Yamada was frozen where he stood, and just throws the hip as Moreira goes past. Lucky not to see a red card for that foul, but Flecha now has the chance to pull one back. Flecha. And FLECHA hits it low and true! It's 4-3, ten minutes to play, and the crowd is on their feet. The towels are waving and they're in full voice!"

CALL: "Silveira has the ball at the top of the circle, and carries it into Black Wing territory. It's been frantic defense for the last five minutes, all eleven Black Wing players are in their own half. Silveira looks for an opening. Square ball to Alex. Alex looks to play it up for Marcelinho. Marcelinho with it, forced to play it back to Marcelo Rocha. Eighty seventh minute, and we can expect two or three minutes of stoppage, I would think. Rocha. Up to Silveira, and, DISPOSSESSED! Leyton stepped up to break up the pass, and now Boskov is racing upfield with it! Alex coming over to help, and Boskov chips it ahead! Jinguuji is there, and he's ONSIDE! ONSIDE IS JINGUUJI! MOISES STRANDEDDDDDDD...!!! Stunner!! Shishio Jinguuji has made it five! And surely that's three points! Textbook break, they ignore the fatigue, and Boskov connects with Jinguuji to make it a classic!"

CALL: "Referee checks his watch, FULL TIME! Up go the Horrible Hand-Towels, as the score that goes out to the world from Yuki City - Dancougar 5, Cafundeu 3! But I'm not sure who will believe it!"

Fauxhan Morning Herald
SPORT!
Bazalopes say "Welcome to the Cup" with a 9-1 Thrashing

With their strong performance in the Baptism of Fire, clinching runner-up status behind Newmanistan. The team from Kose and Turkoman were shown just the difference in the level of play here in the World Cup. The Bazalonian Bazalopes out-classed the team new to the World Cup stage by a commanding performance on the field scoring 9 goals to their opponents 1.

Attendenance was fairly low number 24,523 persons attending entering the Trevton City Enclosed Field which seemed to be unaffected by the recent flooding that caused delays in the AOCAF, The field was fast and the Bazalopes made full usage of the home ground advantage, while it perhaps wasn't so much daunting, the Bazalopes made full use of the mistakes that cropped up by the Kose and the Turkomen's defense.

New comer to national footballing Johnathon "Johnny" Kelly scored a hatrick with a number of others getting real close. After the match Caine Hawdon had this to say about his components. "I think we did them a favour they can't at this level get away with sloppy play, we showed them just how hard the World Cup can be. We have extended a challenge to them and it's up to them now to step up to the plate."

Later on, an anonymous source within the Bazalonian team stated that "They've got a good chance to improve from here, if they want to."

~~~

"I have contacts..." the mob boss spoke

"Dur, of course you do otherwise you wouldn't be the leader of the least succesful crime gang in history!"

"Oh, shut up."

"BOSS, wow, a 9-1 win, what did you do?"

"I...." he started until there was a knock on the door "Who is it?"

"It's me Johnny!"

"Come in Johnny, oh wait the doors locked, just a second."

"Haha, it's just like you're back to your old tricks and planing something there..."

"How do you .. oh.. ahaha. ahah. Yes very funny, now blasted where did the key's go."

"You don't need the keys, just turn the knob in the middle of the door."

"Oh, yeah that's right... *click*"

"Hey thanks for letting me in, I thought you went back to a life of crime."

"Oh, us never. Great game though 9 to 1... great what a demolishing."

"Yeah, I know, their stud shoes went missing for a bit, security and even the BFP where on the case. Though this was kept out of the media as to not to embarras them. They turned up, apparently they were mis-directed at BazAir but too late for the match. So we gave them our spares. Though I would say our ones were better, but perhaps they weren't used to them or something. I'm not sure what happened BazAir is usually so reliable."

"Me neither, do they know how it got mixed up?"

"They say that the person doing it was tired or something... I don't know, I didn't really pay attention but as far as I know there are no reason that anything other than a mistake happened oh, and uh.. Apparently our spares fitted quite well."

"That's good then."

Turtles face Fairly Easy Group
The Turtles face a fairly easy group this Cup. After the Holy Empire, the next-highest rank is Nire and Nire at 57. It shouldn't be too hard for Sel Appa to rack up a 10-all Qualification. The only threat is from the Holy Empire which might draw or even win a match. Other than that, Estevez's first trials in the World Cup as coach should prove fairly easy. Some commentators warn that an easy qualification will make the team cocky and they will underestimate World Cup proper teams.

Estevez was hired as coach for the team after Charles DuPont resigned following a failed World Cup 39 Qualification run. He delivered a Bronze in the Cup of Harmony, despite being highly favored to win. The former captain is confident he can bring the team through the Qualifiers and on to the World Cup itself. He says they will make it "all the way" to the Finals. Not backing down on DuPont's legacy of optimism, Estevez plans to take the team as far as it can go one match at a time.

Here's the list of matches:
Pre-Qualifying Friendlies

Matchday 1: Sel Appa vs. The Holy Empire
Matchday 2: Sel Appa vs. Nire and Nire
Matchday 3: Acapais vs. Sel Appa
Matchday 4: New Cimeran vs. Sel Appa
Matchday 5: Sel Appa vs. The Daleks 2

Mid-Qualifying Friendlies

Matchday 6: The Holy Empire vs. Sel Appa
Matchday 7: Nire and Nire vs. Sel Appa
Matchday 8: Sel Appa vs. Acapais
Matchday 9: Sel Appa vs. New Cimeran
Matchday 10: The Daleks 2 vs. Sel Appa

Play-offs & Post-Qualifying Friendlies

The two matches with the Holy Empire will also involve a halftime showdown between Sel Appan goalkeeper Mongke Bokegalbaatar and (some monk or something) in traditional Mongolian wrestling, which is almost identical to Sel Appan-style. Bokegalbaatar is a two-time Bronze medalist in the Sel Appan Wrestling Exhibition.

Sel Appa also hosts Bostopia later in the tournament for the traditional friendly between the two nations that are near ideological opposites. Sel Appans are confident that they will win the match.

(Sallad girls not Dallas girls)

Jacinta: %&)) *^() %)^$) %%(%^$* ^&((&&%* !!!!!!!!
Kate: You alright sis?
Jacinta: I've got headache!
Kate: Poor sis ...

Jacinta: Well, must be when that striker stuck the elbow in the side of my head. He didn't even get card for that.
Kate: It wan an accident.
Jacinta: Accident! I don't think so.
Kate: We're not the tallest girls around. We're rather short.

Jacinta: Still, he didn't get a card or anything. I want to complain!
Kate: We can't complain, we have get Jeruselem FA to that.
Jacinta: Where's the coach!
Kate: Let's find her, she's here somewhere.

Jane: What are you two plotting?
Jacinta: I want to file an official complaint about me getting hit the head and that D2R striker not getting a card
Jane: Oh that incident.
Jacinta: I'm cranky, I've got a migraine headache and I'm not happy.

Kate: Actually, she got hit twice.
Jacinta: The ref didn't even award a foul or anything!
Jane: Actually, he didn't do much all game apart from blow the whistle for offside.
Kate: He even let people dive without carding them, what sort of ^*&*&*(&* is that.

Jane: We'll look at the game and see if we have a case Jacinta.
Jacinta: Thanks coach
Jane: Just clean up and have a sleep Jacinta. You'll feel better tomorrow.
Kate: Maybe a cuddle from some man would help Jacinta

Jacinta: I'd like that!
Jane: Teenage girls ...
Kate: We're not as bad the Dallas girls.
Jane: I don't know, it's hard to tell the different between you and real ones.

Jacinta: We're not related, really!
Kate: Yeah, we just looked kinda the same.
Jane: Kinda the same, didn't you girls just win a look-a-like contest?
Jacinta: Oh we did.

Kate: I won the Queen Skate section
Jacinta: And I won the Princess Jacinta section
Jane: You don't look anything like your mother Mary but then she's a bike. Sound like someone we know.
Jacinta: I don't know who my Dad is, neither does Kate.

QSPNFootball.net WORLD CUP XL Coverage

MATCHDAY ONE: @ Az-cz.

A tough way to start any qualifier is going against either the current World Cup Champions, or a former Back-to-back Cup Champions. But tonight, Qazox did just that, facing off against Az-cz. While media reports from Az-cz have been all but non-existant so far, QSPN did carry the match live at 6pm, and despite the Pheonix' best efforts, the robber-barons robbed us of a victory with a 86th minute goal that broke a 2-2 tie.

With a capacity crowd watching at Slimes Stadium, and an estimated 2 billion watching either on QSPN or other sports networks, both teams took to the field amidst light drizzle. For the first 20 minutes, neither side could gain much of an advantage, as steller play by the midfielders on both sides kept any attacks well in control. In the 24th minute, a corner kcik by Az-cz set up the first goal of the match, by their main striker, who deflected the corner just past the outstretched arms of Sherlene Scheppe.

The momentum swung by the opening goal, Az-cz began probing the Pheonix defense with longer and longer setup passes and in the 32nd minute it paid off as the Home side made it 2-0, send the crowd roaring with cheer. Coach Greenley quickly made a subsitution, sending in Russ Heberly on defense, removing Letta Smicht, making the formation a 5-2-3. The more defensive posture worked for most of the match, excepting the final goal, which will be talked about in a bit.

Down at the half 0-2, Coach Greenley made a second subsitution, adding Chadwick Jethva to the mix in place of Maria Cruz-Preli, giving a 5-1-1-3, a very unusual formation. The plan seemed to throw Az-cz off its game as Qazox quickly cut the lead down to 2-1 on a goal by Anderson Tarricone in the 51st minute. The unusual formation set up the tying goal, just 8 minutes later when a diving Kallie Jaus struck an errant rebound home int eh 59th minute.

But alas for Qazox, Az-cz figured the weaknesses in the 5-1-1-3, and for most of the rest of the match, the ball hardly left the Pheonix' end. In the 86th minute, Az-cz scored the winning goal and despite Qazox' 3rd sub, Willow Farmwald for Stevie Spingler, setting up a 5-0-1-4, the last ditch efforts failed to procure the last equalizer. But this match showed not only Qazox can compete with the elite, they have a decent chance of being a team no one wants to face.

Up next for the Pheonix is a trip to Iansisle, 1-2 losers to Green wombat. This will mark the first ever meeting between the two nations.

QAZOX SCORING:
Anderson Tarricone- 1
Kallie Jaus-1


SCHEDULE:
Friendly vs. Starblaydia L 1-2
G1: @ Az-cz (18:00 QST, Slimes Stadium) QPSN L 2-3 0-0-1
G2: @ (Location and time: TBD) QSPN2
G3: vs. Scotchpineistan @ Estadia Pika, Pika City (Capacity: 78,625.) Kickoff time: 19:15 QST. QSPN
G4: @ Nethertopia @ Falcon Stadium, Nethertopia. (Capacity: 90,000) start 20:00 local time (14:30 QST) QSPN2
G5: vs. Green wombat @ Qazian Memorial Stadium, Qazox City Capacity: 98,000. Kickoff time: 20:10 QST. QSPN

Mid-qualifing break (possible friendly vs Krytenia in Starblaydia. Would be broadcast on QSPN)

G6: vs. Az-cz @ Qazian Memorial Stadium, Qazox City Capacity: 98,000. Kickoff time: 13:45 QST. QPSN (and other international broadcasts)
G7: vs. Iansisle @ SaxerDome, SaxerVilla Capacity: 85,000. Kickoff time: 19:40 QST. QSPN
G8: @ Scotchpineistan (Location and time: TBD) QSPN2
G9: vs. Nethertopia @ Chek-Via Stadium, Fromburg. Capacity: 90,000. Kickoff time: 14:50 QST. QSPN2
G10: Green wombat @ Carrier Stadium in Wachovia, Green wombat (Capacity 73,000) Kickoff time: 18:00 local (17:30 QST) QSPN

(OOC: almost forgot about this...)

Green Wombat Daily Tattler

Despite the recent fire here at the Daily Tattler, we do have complete World Cup 40 Coverage still available. Due to the fire, we were unable to print our predictions, but they will be forthcoming after the match report.

GREEN WOMBAT 2-IANSISLE 1

For the first time sicne the re-re-appearance of the Wombats back into the World Cup fold, they won the opening match 2-1 over visiting Iansisle. While the quality of play on both sides left much to be desired, the Wombats managed to jump out to an early 2-0 lead on a pair of goals from Mike Sink, who just before the Cup was added to the starting XI. Iansisle managed to cut it to 2-1 late, but the excellent play of Rodney Rosenfeld kept them from tying it up.

As of now here are the current Group Thirteen standings:

TEAM W-D-L Pts GF GA GD
Az-cz 1-0-0 3 3 2 +1
Green wombat 1-0-0 3 2 1 +1
Scotchpinestan 0-1-0 1 2 2 --
Nethertopia 0-1-0 1 2 2 --
Qazox 0-0-1 0 2 3 -1
Iansisle 0-0-1 0 1 2 -1

The next match is here at Carrier Stadiuym against Nethertopia, newcomers, but a team that made the Elite 8 at the most recent BoF.

OUR PREDICTIONS:
Direct qualifiers:
Casari
Cafundeu
Bettia
Sqournshelous
Bostopia
Bazalonia
Zwangzug
Jeruselem
Wentland
Yafor 2
Milchama
The Holy Empire
Az-cz
Jasīʼyūn
Capitalizt SLANI

Playoff teams
Jeru FC
Sorthern Northland
Demot
Hopless SC
Qazox
GREEN WOMBAT
Sel Appa
Nire and Nire
Kura-Pelland
Kelssek
Fujisawan Territories
Northern Bettia
Kiryu-shi
Ad'ihan
Dance 2 Revolution
Novapsolu
Uiri
Vephrall
Tynelia
Kose and the Turkomans
Valanora
Solenial
The Archregimancy
The Pazhujeb Islands
East Antairees
Candelaria And Marquez
Dancougar
Quakmybush
Daehanjeiguk
Magnus Valerius

http://x55.xanga.com/272c720709c35171177946/q129924595.png

A Victory, But Disgraceful Vuhumkara Suspended By Manager; Edward Makes Plea To Archregimancy

Match Report-

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/beer_served_here.png Beer Served Here 1
Beck; Miller, Antonucci, Blanco, and Weiss (Ludwig 71'); Smithwick (Restivo 62'), O'Hara, Nobokov, and Kzryzenski; Hernandez and Mycanos

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/the_pazhujeb_islands.png Pazhujeb Islands 3
Amutarrad; Tushambanda, Lissama (Chenab 53'), Idarha, and Rha (Washilbaqi 67'); Parokshara, Abadhyash, Quridheru (Basfataj 57'), and Ghur; Panithaj and Vuhumkara

Referee: Joan Jacques (Jerusalem)

Goalscorers-
BSH: O'Hara 41'
TPI: Ghur 5', Parokshara 56', Idarha 90+2'

A strong performance by the Purple Sea Urchins netted them a win in the alcoholic nation of Beer Served Here, but the three one victory had other consequences, consequences which regrettably overshadowed the actual result.

Within moments of the opening whistle, it was apparent that star striker Chaya Vuhumkara was impaired in some way. As the match progressed, it became clear that he was drunk, and was progressively becoming moreso. In fact, it appeared that the Lammachi superstar had arranged for his personal assistant to haul a keg onto the pitch during all play stoppages, during which time he took lengthy pulls of Killer Lite, a local brew. Team officials would have noticed and informed manager Jaime Oberlander of the infraction were they not all inebriated themselves. It took video replays of the match, reviewed afterwards by Oberlander, to discover Mr. Vuhumkara's actions.

A team spokesman left a scroll with national press agents informing them that Vuhumkara will be suspended by the team for five matches, not including any friendlies that might be played in the middle of qualifying.

Edward the Cockroach, who is enjoying an extending vacation from his celebrity lifestyle, later commented on the issue to a popular entomology journal about the controversy and suspension.

"For me personally, all you have to do is look at Chaya Vuhumkara's previous play for the national team. He was sensational when he played for Kuratmad a few years back, but on the national level he's been absolute crap and he's been even more absolute crap at Lammachi, his domestic side. What a wanker. I'm not the least bit surprised and I hope this is the incentive to ship his ass out of the Islands. Yes, he's talented. Yes, he's pacy. Yes, when he feels like playing he's world class. But he never feels like playing, and as we've seen today, he apparently feels more like getting s%$tplowed during matches. And it's typical, that's what's worse. It's typical for him. He has a bad attitude towards the press, towards his teammates, and this is not the first time he's indulged in obvious misconduct, though this is by far the worst.

"But maybe there's hope. Our next match is against the Archregimancy. So I want to put out a personal request to these honorable monks: I know we kind of treated you like garbage during the last qualifying cycle, but I, and we, would really appreciate it if you could set this idiot straight. Chaya Vuhumkara's behavior is misrepresenting the Pazhujeb Islands. Monks of the Archregimancy, please, convert this idiot or something. Anything to make him clean up his act."

Other than Vuhumkara's behavior, however, the Islanders looked very good from beginning to end, with Ghur opening up scoring in the 5th minute with an astute juke of the keeper, Parokshara crushing a ball into the net from 30 yards in 56th, and Idarha heading in a cross in the second minute of stoppage time at the very end of the match.

Referee Joan Jacques was mostly silent throughout the match, her only hiccup being a ridiculous 35th minute caution for Urchins keeper Amutarrad for timewasting.

Matchday 1: Beer Served Here - Pazhujeb Islands (3-1 W)
Matchday 2: Pazhujeb Islands - The Archregimancy (@ Bengaluru Velodrome in Bengaluru)
Matchday 3: Diojiu - Pazhujeb Islands
Matchday 4: Pazhujeb Islands - Kolanderaz (@ K'arasiam Sarvatobhav in Pkethat Hevnaje)
Matchday 5: Squornshelous - Pazhujeb Islands (@ Vogsphere Arena in Vogsphere)
Matchday 6: Pazhujeb Islands - Beer Served Here (@ Therakham Coliseum in Mahathu)
Matchday 7: The Archregimancy - Pazhujeb Islands (@ A Peaceful Woodland Glade in the Dreamed Realm)
Matchday 8: Pazhujeb Islands - Diojiu (@ Therakham Coliseum in Mahathu)
Matchday 9: Kolanderaz - Pazhujeb Islands
Matchday 10: Pazhujeb Islands - Squornshelous (@ Zhevassi Athletic Field in Zhevassi)
Post-Qualifying Friendly Match: Pazhujeb Islands - Starblaydia (@ Zhevassi Athletic Field in Zhevassi)

(OOC: Sorry for ripping off your RPing style a little, Cafundeu... :))

Prux Dominates as Chris "J7Y" Jerusalem scored 2 goals, pinned three of Kiryu-shi's players and made 2 others submit to the "Halls of Jerusalem" as Prux won easily 4-0 in a "Bangkok Plow on a Stick Match" at Revengance Arena.

Up next is a trip to Ad'ihan, in a soccer match, which is not our speciality, but they lost their opener, so we have a chance.


Goals:
J7Y- 2
Matt Victor Paulsen- 1
Heff Jardy- 1

Turtles Cruise to Opening Victory
Sel Appa defeated the Holy Empire 5-2 at home in the opening match of the 40th World Cup Qualifiers. The team was able to make up for the previous qualifiers with this win that sets the stage for a potential 10-match winning streak that is widely stated as a distinct possibility. Coach Estevez and some commentators remind that Sel Appa was supposed to win the Cup of Harmony, but didn't.

The match itself went well with Karisi Kopel scoring two goals, Flavio Tartaruga scoring one, and Lenny Nkuma scoring the other two. The Holy Empire was only able to get two shots past Bokegalbaatar, but put up great effort. Estevez shook hands with the opposing team's coach after the match and congratulated the Turtles on their victory.

Sel Appa plays Nire and Nire next. The third-ranked team should prove little problem for Sel Appa in their quest for the World Cup. These qualifiers may prove to be an easy path to the Finals after last Cup sent the Turtles hom much earlier than expected. The team hopes to do very well and captain Lenny Nkuma has assured fans that they will not get too overconfident again.



In other News...
Constitutional Crisis Continues
Parliament continues to be deadlocked in endless filibusters while trying to hash out a new constitution for Sel Appa. Sentiment has increased in the past year to write a new constitution to replace the one adopted almost three years ago that is now found to be fairly flawed. At issue are drastic changes in the national government and rights for nonhuman sentients, such as gorillas, chimpanzees, and elephants.

Since the discovery of an advanced elephant civilization deep in southern Sel Appan forests, support has grown for extending full rights to some non-human animals. Vice Chancellor Herbert Oniwé (Communist) has led the movement in Parliament and has vowed to continue it "until all intelligent sentients are granted proper rights". Sel Appa has always been a nation to care for Nature, but the proposal has been very controversial, even among scientists.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/juvanya/herbertoniwe.png
Vice Chancellor Herbert Oniwé addressing Parliament

The Constitutional Crisis also includes several other, less important technicalities. The now document must receive four-fifths (281) of Parliament's 351 seats to go to a national referendum. The Communist Party is trying to put the constitution up for vote, with rights granted to other sentients. However, their coalition with the Socialist Party, Green Party, and twelve Liberal Party representatives does not meet the 281 required, with only 210.

Regardless, a Conservative Party and Nationalist Party filibuster refuses to even allow some of the new proposals in or even a vote. Grand Archduke Kirby II has stated he may work to resolve the crisis despite having few actual powers. It will be the first time he has stepped into an important issue in Sel Appa. He had taken a minimal approach since the death of his beloved father, Kirby I.

(Yeah I just wanted to stuff that somewhere and regular RP threads are pointless since no on replies)

JACK: All right, boys and girls, it's time to play Over Under, which means it's time for Harbough here to enjoy the sweet sweet nectar of DEFEAT. And here to read them off, as always, Robert Hidalgo Benedict Vincennes!

ROBERT: I'm sure you'll eventually get one of my names right, and we start off with Over or Under... three goals for the Black Wings against Krasslor!

JACK: I know it's hard to judge a team after a single game, but when the game is a 5-3 win over the eighth-ranked team in the world, you tend to err on the side of optimism. I go over, I think this is going to be another big game for the Wings. They're going to ride this momentum and take charge of the group.

BILL: I'm going to say under, Jack, and here's why. The Wings did very poorly on the road at the last World Cup, and that home crowd is the great equilizer. You saw what it did for them last night, and, hey, Krasslor is no pushover. They went into Gweridijongya and only lost by one. I think they've going to be competitive and make the Wings really work for it. They win, but they only score twice.

ROBERT: Cautious optimism from Bill Harbough, but what do you think about this? Over or under six appearances for Patrick Vistula throughout the course of qualifiers.

JACK: Vistula played very well in the friendlies against Vephrall and Casari, and was brought on late in the Cafundeu match to shore up the midfield. He's established himself as one of Charles DuPont's best bench options, and until we know how deep this bench is - I'm guessing not as deep as we'd like - he's going to be a go-to guy late in the game. I say over.

BILL: I'm going to say over as well. Everything this team develops comes out of the midfield. It's why there's five guys in there, and it shifts as needed. Four guys on attack, five on defense. They're going to get tired, and they're going to need capable replacements. Vistula has already shown that he's someone they can rely on, and if you can feel good about bringing Leyton or Morimoto off late because you've got him, you're in good shape, I think.

ROBERT: Although fatigue appears to be less of an issue this time around, conditioning for the players has gone up for sure. Now, then Over or Under - plus eight goal differential for the Wings in this qualifying effort.

JACK: If they can keep playing the way they did against the Monopolists, then sure, I'd say they're in good shape to come out on the right end of the table this time. They weren't shy about going forward, and they've developed a couple really potent options in Whittaker and Morimoto out on the wings. My only concern is if they can keep it up. These first few games they're fresh, they're trying to make a statement, but some of them are going to start pulling double duty once the college regular season starts. And that's going to lead to heavy legs and short breath in big game situations.

BILL: Yeah, I think it's within reach, but I'll say under. Last night's explosive effort, while it was certainly fun to watch, is not really what we can expect from this team on a game to game basis. Videos of this game are going to make the rounds. There were a few glaring weaknesses that cropped up from time to time which teams will learn to exploit, and for sure Cafundeu will come out flying in the return leg. It's a great start, but let's not make too much of it, because they're bound to come back to Earth fast if they try to get too far ahead of themselves.

ROBERT: I think there was an answer in there, but mostly for a completely different question. Last one, now, Over or Under two penalty kicks in Black Wing games for the rest of qualifying!

JACK: This is another thing that was really weird to me about the game, for a stretch, there, the referee was playing the game very strict after letting them go for most of it. It was a tough physical contest that started to get a little out of hand after that first penalty, which, for the record, I don't think was a penalty. Rocha and Ikeda made contact playing the ball, ref had a bad angle, but nothing I would consider worthy of a yellow or even a foul. Now, if the Wings keep playing that physical style of football, they're going to give up free kicks, and DuPont will have to pull Yamada aside and have a talk about positional awareness. One is too few, three is asking a bit much, so I push.

BILL: You don't push in Over Under! I say over! Referees are treading a fine line nowadays, the game is getting fast, and we saw the guy last night making good calls just as often as the bad. These things are going to come up. I think the combination of a physical style of play, along with the kind of transition game that the Wings play, shifting guys up and back, is going to create problems that lead to fouls. And that is going to lead to some entertaining football, and some controversial football as well.

JACK: And with that, Over Under is over, with myself under par, and Bill fighting a croc for his tee shot...

THE ROCKET REPORT

VALIANT FIGHT IN DEFEAT

Kura-Pelland- Today was a truly historic day for the Empire. For the first time, Newmanistan participated in a World Cup qualifying game. The opponent was Kura-Pelland, the 29th ranked team in the world, so certainly the Rockets were aware of their underdog status going into the match.

In an unfriendly environment, the Rockets vowed to come together and play hard, as one cohesive unit. They were never intimidated by the opponent, or their home crowd, especially not in the opening minutes. Kura-Pelland, in a defensive formation, tried to get an early goal so they could comfortably play with the lead, and they forced Kevin Dalton to make a few nice saves early. The defense, led by Eddie Chapman was solid, and the young Jeremy Brooker was able to withstand all of the opponent’s efforts to exploit his inexperience. The first half hour of the match went without a goal, and perhaps some Newmanistan fans at home were beginning to wonder if the game might just play out to the Empire’s favor. Unfortunately in the 34th minute, Kura-Pelland found paydirt with veteran striker Fedde Beattis blasting a shot past Dalton, perfectly placed inside the left post. Sensing Rocket dejection, Kura-Pelland immediately went on the attack again, and Beattis had his second goal of the match just four minutes later. When the halftime whistle blew, it was a welcome sound for the Rockets, who played quite well for most of the half, but just could not keep it going throughout, and were down 2-0.

The biggest task for manager Brian Carson was to get his team back on track. For the most part, they showed they could play with Kura-Pelland. But Kura-Pelland also showed why they are the 29th ranked team in the world. Carson preached a defensive start to the second half until the Kura-Pelland momentum from the two quick goals was stalled enough, and then the Rockets would go on the attack.

Carson’s message was heeded by the players, and the team seemed to play as if they were the ones with the 2 goal lead, making some in the crowd wonder if Newmanistan was just going to play to keep it at a 2 goal margin. Once the crowd settled in, and Kura-Pelland seemed to oblige with the slowed down tempo, the Rockets turned the attack on full speed ahead. For a good 20 minutes, Newmanistan had Kura-Pelland on their heels, forcing Stephen Hill to have to make some incredible saves. In the 63rd minute, they solved Hill, and John Murphy will go down as Newmanistan’s first ever goal scorer in World Cup qualifying history, sliding the ball passed a diving Hill, after he originally stopped a Jeremy McAllister shot. With the score 2-1, both teams knew they had a game on their hands, and the Rockets kept some momentum going for a little while after the goal. Eventually though, Kura-Pelland reasserted themselves, and as the waning minutes ticked away, they seemed to have the match under control once again. Midfielder Xavier Le Monde, a late substitution, put the game to bed in the 82nd minute with a goal to make it 3-1, which is where we would finish. Not the result the Rockets wanted. But we could have been the team we beat in the Baptism of Fire, Kose and The Turkomans, who were demolished by Bazalonia, 9-1. Here are some post comments:

Carson: “Losing is never easy, but I think we made a good representation of what Newmanistan football is capable of doing. We’ll keep on fighting, that’s for sure.”

Brooker: “Man, I just wish we finished out the first half better. This whole game could have been different.”

Chapman: “I agree with Brooker. If we finished out the first half better, I think we could have done something with these guys. Don’t get me wrong, they are a great team and I wish them well. But a lot of us kind of think we could have a shot with them in Newmanistan off of this result.”

McAllister: “That was the best defensive team I have ever played. I might say that again after we play Milchama, but Kura-Pelland really did a great in their own end. I give them props, it’s a good club. They played hard but clean, and I wish them the best going forward.”

Murphy (on being the Empire’s first goal scorer at this level): “I guess that’s pretty cool. I would have liked a win, but a lot of us strikers and midfielders were kind of joking for the last month or so about who would be the one to net the first one for the Empire. So on that, I’m pretty honored.”

Here’s your final boxscore:

KURA-PELLAND 3
Beattis (34', 38')
Le Monde (82')

NEWMANISTAN 1
Murphy (63') Assist- McAllister

Bookings
KURA-PELLAND
Horner, YC, 71'

NEWMANISTAN
McCafferty, YC, 43'

The Turks Crushed!
Coach blames no one
After the game the calm and collected Coach Murat said that the defeat was inevitable as the Bazalonian Team were extreamly strong in all areas and that despite going 9-0 down the team showed a ray of light from Sinan Kose's now irelevent last second volley.

Chance to bounce back
The Turks now have a chance to bounce back with a home game in the 100,000 seater Ibrahim XIII stadium against Wijaska Islan who also come off a embaressing defeat. The Turks will have to learn from this game - Now their biggest defeat - and play to a different tune.

Murat To blame?
The feeling after our utter shame at being beaten 9-1 several quaters of fans and the media have started to beleive that coach Murat will get sacked if he doesn't win the game against Wijaska Island, but it may not be all gloom and doom for the coach as the Football Federation will be on his side and that an unknown source within the Lopes team said that the team had the chance to improve. The Turks are well known for learning from a previous mistake and perhaps it is time to make Coach Murat a previous? just an opinion of one man but the Feel around Kose City is very hostile indeed.

Ismael Filiz-Adem

No Complaints
The away fans notorius for stiring trouble did not begin anything in Bazalonia even after they heard their team only scored one but Sinan Kose apears to be a meditating source and he calmed an increasing hostile sect of fans who were throwing fireworks at Coach Murat. Coach Murat has said in a statement that the behaivier of the fans on the whole, was good and that Sinan Kose made the team proud by calming the fans. Sinan Kose has said that he doesn't want his coach to thank him and that his coach owes him nothing for his kindness. Even at full time in the changing rooms Coach Murat aparently said he was still proud of the team.

WANDERERS SLEEPWALK THROUGH OPENING MATCH DRAW

The Hopeless SC Wanderers left their fans disappointed after their World Cup 40 opening draw at home against 173rd ranked Okuni. It was clear that, despite still having some issues over who was supposed to be where at times in their new formation, the Wanderers should have easily won the match.

However, it took some late heroics from inner midfielder and captain, Wally Milton, taking a cross from winger Dale Carpenter in the 88th minute to salvage the draw.

It wasn't a good start for a team that some expect to contend for a spot in the massive play-off at the end of qualifying to help determine a good chunk of who actually qualifies. They need to get their woes figured out quickly, as 33rd ranked Jasi'yun comes to town before the Wanderers finally take their show on the road...to 10th ranked, and heavy group favorites from Demot.



Hopeless SC 1 (Milton, 88)
Okuni 1 (unknown)

World Cup 40 Qualifiers: 0-1-0
PQF: HAN 2-1 ESF (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD1: HAN(26) 1-1 (167)ENG (@ Oromokojei Football Stadium, Oromokjei)
MD2: HAN(26) --- (61)MGV (@ Sanghae National Football Stadium, Sanghae)
MD3: JAR(59) --- (26)HAN
MD4: SJV(154) --- (26)HAN
MD5: HAN(26) --- (16)CAS (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MQF: TAE --- HAN
MD6: ENG(167) --- (26)HAN
MD7: MGV(61) --- (26)HAN
MD8: HAN(26) --- (59)JAR (@ Munhwa Football Stadium, Hanseong)
MD9: HAN(26) --- (154)SJV (@ King Kim Iljei Memorial Football Stadium, Malnira)
MD10: CAS(16) --- (26)HAN

국제험담
International Gossip
Case #01 - BuyAGoal.com

Coming off a spectacular win over Valanora, the Han played a simple match watched only by the most curious eyes as the Imperial Team played to a simple draw in Oromokjei. It got a few people upset, and the press were plotting bloody murder, thinking to frame the new Head Coach. Not I, says this reporter. I've got an even better story.

We can all remember that one incident during the Oriental Football Cup when a referee awarded a slutty penalty kick to the opponent in the Sokojito and Sokojito final group match. Yes, it was a slutty call, and that referee should be expelled and banned from ever watching a match ever again, whether on or off the field. Well, I've been doing some research, and I think it's fair to say that I've gotten some impressive results from my inquiry.

The not-for-profit-but-still-earns-money organization BuyAGoal.com, based in the Sokojito and Sokojiwa sponsor, United Capitalizt States, has been doing a number of surreptitious "activities" surrounding various events. Referees are offered untold amounts of money to award slutty penalties, cancel brilliant goals, and even spontaneously score a goal for the opposing side. I've done the research, and you'll be surprised to learn that 95% of the games in which BuyAGoal.com has bribed an official have resulted in a win for the side that received the sluttry call/had the opponent's goal called/had a referee score for them. Actually you won't be surprised, but by the time I'm done with this, you'll have a new chant to call against refs that can't ref.

So you're wondering how I got that number. 95% is a large number, after all. Considering that half of the teams that get the bribed official are substantially better than the team against which they play, this shouldn't be a surprise. BuyAGoal.com has bribed officials where the average ranking discrepancy is roughly 40 points. In virtually every game, the superior team wins the match. In matches where the inferior team is supported by a BuyAGoal.com bribe, the weaker team draws 50% of the time, loses 10% of the time, and wins 40% of the time. To date, I've received indisputable evidence that BuyAGoal.com has intervened in roughly 1296 matchs, including 431 World Cup, WC Qualifer, and Cup of Harmony matches. Strangely, I didn't find any BoF matches, but it doesn't mean that they don't bribe officials in those matches.

In any case, I decided to watch and see if BuyAGoal.com had put some money in our match - lo! and behold! I found a quaint sum of money (goal, really) deposited in the senior official's banking account before the match against Solenial. I watched the game and saw with extreme horror as Yi Yeongpyo's soft tackle against a Solenial player resulted not only in an expulsion from the match, but a free kick that converted into a goal. I've seen the footage of the tackle itself. I've consulted other officials, including WCC-sanctioned officials; they all stated that the player who tackled in the footage would have at worst received a yellow card, while most claimed that they would have personally given a free-kick. When I informed them that the player received a red card, they turned awfully upbeat about how "ridiculous" the call was. When I mentioned BuyAGoal.com, most referees turned silent. It has gotten me thinking - has BuyAGoal.com corrupted our football community?

I mean, consider this. The Han only drew even because Jeong Jihun converted a brilliant cross that the referee was considering calling offside, but owing to the all other officials in the area stating clearly that Jeong was at least 20 yards behind from the last defender, he chose not. I mean, he could have ruled it offside and made two of the worst refereeing blunders in the world. True? After all, he has the authority to block out the other officials, because he has the final say (unless the WCC has updated the refereeing handbook). So why didn't the referee call the offside?

I say it's because he can't. I mean, he can, but because BuyAGoal.com expressly states in their policy that bribes are worth up to only one bad call. Fair enough - one bad call. But is that all? Not quite. While one bad call can certainly mean the difference between the win and the loss, BuyAGoal.com also says that their referees are paid double (that is, once before and once after the match) for every time the team for which the site is intervening wins, while matches that close even are as they are. Losses, on the other hand, mean that referees lose their money. I've done some research on that, and found that where referees were bribed, 87% of those that lost the match also lost their jobs. The random 13% leftover were veterans that fell to bad luck. This number is probably higher though, because BuyAGoal.com often hides data on losing referees.

And so, I expose the greatest footballing conspiracy that the world has ever known. And to generate some lesser anxieties, the coordinators for World Cup 40 have generously provided data on all referees and officials for their matches, perhaps in an effort to allay fears that their referees are being bribed. Duely, their information has made my research so much easier, and I can testify that I know why Sel Appa was eliminated from the World Cup Qualification last season. I can testify why the Archregimancy failed to qualify for a number of cups. The one country that BuyAGoal.com has supported the most in recent years is in fact one - Adihan. Adihan knocked out Sel Appa in World Cup 39 Qualification on that final match, due to a controversial penalty kick! And we all know the rest of the story. Adihan was that same country that had the controversial match against the the Archregimancy - and it was a two-fold victory for BuyAGoal.com - principally because they like Adihan for some reason, and they hate the Archregimancy even more - because something about being a bunch of monks makes impervious "worldly sins" such as bribes (and not surprisingly, none of the referees listed under BuyAGoal.com's unofficial roster hail from the Dreamed Realm).

So what are we to do?

Well, aside from launch a website attack against BuyAGoal.com, we could try petitioning the Office of Complaints, Concerns, and Compliments (or whatever is the equivalent) of the WCC, telling them that modern conveniences are ruining the game. We've had too many World Cups decided on BuyAGoal.com, and it's time that the fans took it back. We've got to start a great revolution to restore the game to its high moral and ethical standards, because once we get the referees back onto to terms, we can start reining in the ruinous fans that revolt after their teams lose.

Goal Scorers
1 - Jeong Jihun

(ooc: This RP is not in any way intended to assume, accuse, or abridge anyone and anything for any results, except scorinator malfunctions - which are too often and too frequent. Adihan - you happened to fit the bill, nothing against you personally, especially not for beating the Han the Quarterfinal match last WC. Star/Kry - against, you use the scorinator, not control it. If anyone is accusing me of whining about drawing the first match 1-1, they need to come visit me so I grind some fine points into their head.)

Deep inside the Imperial Bunker

The Emperor looked at his mail and looked gracefully upon the numerous envelopes. He opened each graciously and magnificently, that if there were ever a story told about the Emperor opening envelopes, it would never quite catch the magnificence and excellence of his opening them. But he came to the one with Emperor Boston's name upon the cover and shuttered. Memories came back - strange memories, but memories nonetheless. He opened the letter and sighed. He took a pen and wrote a quick reply:

"Emperor of Bostopia,

I realize that my people might have mentioned the 'War' but I assure you that the Han Empire harbors no ill intentions against Bostopia. If we did, well... I don't know what we'd do, and even if I did, I wouldn't tell you... this isn't helping, and I'm too lazy to start writing another letter. Oh well, we don't want to invade you. You're too far away, and honestly, we have no reason to take your land - unless it's prime farming land for genetically modified rice crops, the ones that eat hamsters and communists. And while I would stop the broadcasts about the war, I can't stop MBC from saying what they want to say. Regardless, I think that I will tell MBC International to broadcast a Bostopian movie praising Bostopian power in some war. If you send me a film that is unalterable, I'll send it by them for a viewing and broadcast, so at least every time some mentions this 'war', you can feel proud about doing really grand at something else. As far as Imperial opinion is concerned, the war never happened and never will happen (unless you give us a reason...).

Anyway, I hope that you like your seafood pizza chef. Speaking of seafood, the Imperial Football Team - the ones that supposedly nuked Bostopia in that weird TV drama - played against Engbec today and they're supposedly all naked tank-lovers. Any coincidence?

Gwangmu Emperor"

(Rockets players arrive in Milchama, the site of their match)

Carson: Well, that was a short flight.

Lewis: Coach, how come we can’t be in such a football loving region like Atlantian Oceania?

Carson: It’d be great if one day our football could be as big as racing and baseball in our region, maybe we can be the catalysts of that.

McCafferty: My friends, we are in one of the greatest football nations in the world right now.

Carrigan: Yeah, I love the passion, you can see it already. I’m sure there are lot of sites here we could visit.

Carson: We could, but remember, we are on a business trip. Not a vacation.

Carrigan: Oh, I know, but we have a few days here. It’d be interesting to learn their football history a little bit. They didn’t become the 2nd ranked team overnight.

Carson: I know what you mean. Nothing wrong with exploring the sites a little bit. I plan to look around too.

McAllister: Coach, I have a problem.

Carson: What, Jeremy? Are the Milchaman girls rejecting you too?

McAllister: Oh no, I haven’t tried to get one, yet. (Grins) This game tape you gave me of Milchama vs Lithima, there’s something wrong with it.

Carson: And what’s that?

McAllister: It only shows Milchama goals like it was some sort of highlight reel tape. I think you meant to give this to the defenders. As a striker, I need to see their defense at work.

Carson: No son, that is the entire game. Believe it or not.

Murphy: I second that, there’s nothing of their defense on this.

Carson: Our scouts looked for times when Milchama actually needed to play defense against Lithima. They couldn’t find anything. The goal they let in I think was a mere sympathy gesture.

Lewis: They won 11-1.

Chapman: 11??!!

Carson: Yes, 11.

McAllister: Boy, I’m glad I’m not a defender! You see that Brooks, they scored 11 goals against Lithima.

Brooker: Yes, I am aware of that. We’ll do much better. I mean, you can’t be much worse.

Chapman: We’ll eventually play Lithima too, so you better score a few!

Carson: There’s two ways to look at that. One, we’re in trouble. Or two, they’ll have scored themselves out and be ripe for the picking.

Chapman: You are always the optimist. Hey Dalton, I want you to do better in goal then Lithima’s goalkeeper did, ok?!

Dalton: Haha, I’m pretty sure I won’t give up eleven!

Brooker: Didn’t these guys play in the Di Bradini Cup?

Carson: Yeah they did, they kind of underachieved while their senior squad was making it to World Cup 39.

Brooker: I thought so, but I just found it weird because we never really heard much from them in that.

McAllister: Well they were in the other half of the bracket too in the group they were in, so we’d have only saw them if they had reached the final.

Carson: Guys remember to be the best, you got to beat the best. Win or lose, let’s do what we did in Kura-Pelland, and represent Newmanistan proudly. Battle hard, and do it for the Empire.

Girl: Excuse me, tall guy with blonde hair, are you Jeremy McAllister?

(Other players roll eyes)

McAllister: Why yes I am, how are you. What’s your name?

Girl: I’m fine. I just saw you drop this. It looked important so I wanted to give it to you. Have a good one!

(Players laugh)

Lewis: Hahaha. No love for J-Mac.

McAllister: Damn still no respect!

(Moments later, McAllister on his own, reads the note)
“Hey Jeremy! Me and my friends saw you in the Di Bradini Cup and thought you were great! It’s so hard to get to know our own players because they are such domestic celebrities that there are always crowds of people around them, and we just happened to notice you. Give me a call at xxxxxxxxx. I didn’t want to make a scene in front of your teammates.”

(McAllister grinned and got ready to dial the number. After all, a nation doesn’t get ranked as highly as #2 without their fans knowing a little something about the entire world scene).

In breaking news, The Unified Republic of Nire has re-emerged from the ashes of the war-torn Disputed Territories of Nire and Nire after 2-0 victory in opening world cup qualifier. More to come ...

A fine Newmanistan performance left Kura-Pelland rather uncomfortable but the expected victory did materialise, 3-1 the final score at Shanvley Stadium.

The Baptism of Fire champions were under illusions; it wouldn't be easy. They thought it strange, no doubt, as they stepped out for their qualification debut in a stadium that not so long ago was hosting the biggest game of all, the World Cup final. They showed no signs of being overawed by the immense stadium, and if anything shaded the first half-hour. They were caught out, however, by two sucker punches from Fedde Beattis, both very similar goals in which the veteran striker got into a great position and placed his shot in the bottom corner. Power, pace, physical quality? Not the solutions they promised to be - though it seemed to the world they were all they desired. Kura-Pellandi fans above all measure their strikers in goals - that is the question that is always asked of strikers especially at this level, and the answer was there all the time in the form of the country's top goalscorer of all time. Out of sight and out of mind in Cafundeu? Surely not.

Newmanistan couldn't spend all the match down-at-heel, and caught Kura-Pelland out by waiting until a few minutes after the half-time whistle before turning on the gas. A complacent five-man defence - well, four, as Bo Phelps was still trying and utterly failing to storm forward - were left exposed time and again, and it was only the efforts of Stephen Hill that kept the new men out on more than one occasion. And even then, it wasn't for long, as Newmanistan got the goal they more than deserved just after the hour; Hill could only parry Jeremy McAllister's shot, and John Murphy was first to the rebound.

The goal shook Kura-Pelland, and John Horner, shortly after being booked, was replaced by Xavier Le Monde as Kura-Pelland looked for a third, the five-man defence shown as ineffectual. Sure enough, Le Monde himself got the critical third eight minutes from time with a low strike from 20 yards, and you'd think that's the end of the formation experimentation. Indeed, the eleven men that finished this game will start the next one, although there was one enforced change as well as Norbert Fiero had to come off with a minor injury that will see him out for a short time. His replacement was Justin Urquhart, who had one chance in injury time but shot just over the bar from a narrow angle.

-------------

Another RP, another Lloyd-Webber song quoted. TG me with your answers. Or if you're on IRC, you can PM me.

Agent Smith sat outside the Circular Office awaiting his deserved fate. For years he had battled to try and stop the spread of the taint of the New Othydoxic Christian Church of Reborn Othydoxy in Tynelia and for years it continued to grow. Getting his summons to meet the president yesterday after Tynelia’s opening 5-1 win over Wijaska Island was the last straw he knew. Agent Smith was getting old anyway he realized and perhaps after all this time it was time for a younger Smith to take control and he could move on to the semi-retired rank of Anderson where all the ex-Smiths went when their time at the head of the bureau was through.

“The President will see you now.” The petite secretary said which Smith took to be encouraging as he had only been waiting an hour or so after he had been announced.

Entering the Circular Office, Agent Smith saw President Vonderman shuffling through several newspapers. It had been said the president was an avid reader even in his youth and it seems he hadn’t slacked off any since.
“Mr. President?” Smith said politely to his direct superior.

“Sit down Agent Smith.” The president replied looking up.

After seeing that Smith had indeed sat in one of the comfortable chairs in the office the President began. “You know Agent Smith, I had read all the reports about these NOCCROs from even the earliest days. A rag tag group of freaks coming up with some crazy soccer based religion. Now look at them, the third largest cult in Tynelia. And all this time you had been trying to break their movement and failed is that correct?”

“Yes sir, all previous efforts had met with unsatisfactory results. These cultists had the misfortune in our eyes to come together at the same time our soccer team finally took the step to join the elite teams in the world, which more than justified the cult to the cultists eyes. Things got worse when the cultist who is now coaching the team took the squad to the semifinals in WC38 and the subsequent failure by our more conventionally atheist coach to get past the knockouts last time.” Smith explained knowing full well the president had read those reports.

“It was my understanding that it was your Agent Jones, then of Adams rank, that actually won the quarterfinals match with Arridia?” the president pointed out proving his knowledge of the situation.

“That is correct but many feel that he just benefited from the cultist’s programming of the team, despite his own success the cup before when we advanced beyond the group stage for the first time.” Smith admitted.

“If only Conway didn’t blow it in the group stage, then we could have proven no cult was at work in our success. And if only the Tynelian Soccer Federation had the nerve to vote someone else in at coach instead of the cultist this time around, but even the noncultists pushed his name to the top. You realize the damage that could be done now. If he fails our economy suffers the lack of revenue from a successful Cup run, but if he succeeds the cult will get even worse.” The president muttered.

“Sir there is always Operation Zero. I had recommended it to your predecessor years ago but he refused.” Smith pointed out.

“No,I agree with his decision there, we’re not assassins and killing their leader would have only made him a martyr to the cause and hurt our standing internationally. The coach is also off limits, far too public a thing to not damage the government if we pull it off.” The president disagreed.

“At this point you are probably right but I still believe an earlier strike would have succeeded with minimal backlash.” Smith countered.

“Water under the bridge Smith, and look what happens. His first match and we score 5 goals. That’s the most any Tynelian team has ever scored and its just the first match. The only good thing is the Bazalopes put up three field goals so our tally might slip under the cracks behind that score. But its just the thing to inspire these cultist even more. That’s why I called you here today.” The president said finally getting to the point.

“And that is?” Agent Smith asked.
Instead of answering the president went to his intercom, “Sally could you please send him in.”

“Right away Mr. President.” The secretary replied.

At that the door opened and a dark suited man with sunglasses stepped into the room nodding at both Agent Smith and the president in turn.

“Agent Smith, while I thank you for your efforts for your country I think the times have changed enough that a fresh look and perspective is needed on this case. That’s why I have asked Agent Smith to join us.”

“Yes sir,” the original Agent Smith replied knowing either a demotion or retirement was in the wings as there was ever only one Agent Smith, except in times of transition where the future Smith would be given the intermediate rank of Smith-Jones.

“As I’m sure you have guessed. Agent Smith here will be taking over government operations, most notably against the cultists as our experts feel over time they will be the greatest threat to Tynelia’s international prospects across the board if such a silly group ever gets into a position of power. As for you Specialist Anderson, your main duty will be to get Agent Smith up to speed on the status of our major operations and remain second in command to him in the dealings with the cultists as your experience will be a valuable sounding board for Agent Smith. I am certain both of you together will end this threat to our nation one and for all.”

“Yes Mr. President.” The past and current Smiths replied.

“Good then get to work.”

JARISS RENAISSANCE PRESS
“No storm shall silence us!”

Off To A Good Start

In what will be a quick sprint to the playoffs, Jariss took its first steps along that path with a 1-0 win over Magnus Valerius in their home stadium. Minna Dawo came through with the match’s only goal midway through the second half which quieted the home team’s fans somewhat at the time as Magnus Valerius had just missed a goal themselves only minutes earlier. This was a huge win for the team as you can see by the rankings, Magnus Valerius is ranked only 2 spots behind Jariss, the closest grouping between a third and fourth seed in the entire qualifiers. So this was a match the team had to win to give themselves the best chance of getting one of the three playoff spots in the group which features the skyrocketing Daehanjeiguk team who made it to the knockouts last cup and perennial power Casari despite for them a relatively low rank.

At the moment Jariss stands second in the group on goal differential behind Casari a 3-1 winner in their opening match. The Han however had to be surprised with their 1-1 draw with 167th ranked Engbec. Jariss gets to see where it stands in group pretty quickly as a road trip to Casari is next for the Spiders before we face the Han in our home opener at the Jariss Arena. A good showing these next two matches and the thoughts of a playoff berth could very well begin to be taken seriously.

Team Expects
Ibrahim XIII to be used
The massive 100,000 Seater Sultan ibrahim XIII stadium is to be used in tonights game between K&TT and Wijaska with nearly all the tickets sold people will be expecting a passionate show from the fans, but the police have stepped up security in Kose City as the fans have become very violent in other parts of the country chanting " Hakan Izmir baska essek yok!" meaning Hakan Izmir theres no other Donkey with the fans expressing their disgust at his appointment as manager.

Chance to recovcer lost Pride
Several members of the Milli Takim are said to be billing the game against Wijaska Island to be the game in which the Turks recover their form and perhaps even more importantly their pride. The team are said to have felt like they might aswell have played naked at that dissadvantage, with an unnamed memeber of the team fearing that the "Problem with the team", as he said, was planned but that he would not jump to conclusions, saying that it was possibly the quality gap between the teams.

The Enlightener: WTF?!?
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y231/bettia/FAB.jpg

Would The Real Bettia Please Step Forward?

Bettia.........................1 (Ziiaq 26)
Septentrionia..............2 (Player#10 2, Player #9 64)

Hopes were high going into the Aroras opening match at home to an unfancied Septentrionia - the team were rising high after their exploits in the previous competiton, a strong squad had been selected, and their schedule started with a home game against a team ranked 99 places. Unfortunately for the 102,000 faithful supporters who packed into Tiddles Park, those hopes were cruelly dashed by a combination of an opportunistic visiting team and an inept second half display.

The writing seemed to be on the wall as early as the second minute as the Septentronian centre-forward made full use of an atrocious backpass from Barclay, slotting the ball confidently past Hassan bin Jaffar to give the visitors an early lead. After this early setback, the Aroras rallied, putting together some of the fluid attacking moves that has been their signature for many decades. Midway through the first half, Bettia forced a quick succession of corners and they made the breakthrough on 26 minutes. A well-worked short corner routine saw the ball crossed into the six yard box, and Ziiaq made full use of his fifteen feet in height to rise up and head the ball home past a stranded keeper.

Despite shading the rest of the half on possession, Bettia were unable to make their advantage count, and they were made to pay for that halfway through a second punctuated by unimaginative play, wayward passes, niggly tackles, and a Septentronian team content to put men behind the ball and try to catch their hosts on the counter-attack. Twenty minutes in, and that's exactly what happened. After debutant Kirpi was cleanly tackled by his midfield counterpart, a quick ball was played that split the Aroras back two wide open, finding the Septentronian number nine through on goal. He wasted no time in chipping the ball past Jaffar to put the small contingient of away supporters into delierium.

Try as they might, Bettia could find no way through a determined defence, and so they have been left pondering just why they lost this opening game. Was it through sheer bad luck? Was it through complacency? Whatever the reason, the boys in green and gold have to put this right, and quickly too, otherwise an embarrassing qualifying campaign beckons.

Fixtures / Results

MD..OPPONENT................VENUE...RESULT (SCORERS)

Qualifying Group 3

01: Septentrionia...........HOME....L 1-2 (Ziiaq)
02: East Antairees..........Away....
03: Candelaria And Marquez..HOME....
04: NS Illegal Immigrants...Away....
05: Lovisa..................HOME....
06: Septentrionia...........Away....
07: East Antairees..........HOME....
08: Candelaria And Marquez..Away....
09: NS Illegal Immigrants...HOME....
10: Lovisa..................Away....

http://www.islandsdaily.co.ad/sport/blog/wc40q/what-a-poor-performance/
What a poor performance!
Posted 8:02 pm, MD1

I've just got back from Protectorate Stadium and I think I'm not the only one of the 140,000-or-so Ad'ihan fans who were there who ended up going home very, very disappointed that Dave Hollow's men failed to live up to their pre-match and pre-cup billing of being one of the favourites this time around.

An abject performance (and that's putting it lightly) ensured that the visitors, Wentland, managed to sneak a goal in the early stages of the game and site back on the ball to defend their lead for the rest of it. There was no inspiration whatsoever from any of the Ad'ihan players. Not even the highly-touted Anthony Jones could do anything about it from midfield.

It's been a sorely disappointing lesson for Hollow, who's now lost three matches in a row. I spoke to him after the game to get his thoughts, and he was very obviously disappointed at the result. He rightly noted that this blow pretty much means we will have to win away in Wentland if we want to stand any chance of winning our group and earning automatic qualification to the finals.

Hollow's men face Prux next in four days' time, also at the newly-renovated Protectorate Stadium (where all five home matches in this qualifying campaign will be played). Hollow expects a win. I think the whole nation does too.

Davey Thomson is a regular contributor to the United Islands Daily and a long-time Ad'ihani football commentator. He will be blogging for the Daily's sports blog for the duration of this cup

The National Reporter Online: News with a View
Hyper Novo lights up indifferent Blues

Iain Miller writes. C&M got their World Cup 40 qualification campaign underway with a simple win in Marlow Park, Zapata. Quite who the opposition were remains unclear, with the largely Hispanic team claiming no obvious national allegiance. The CAMAFA have dealt with nationless entities before; while the complex relationship between the two Unified Capitalizt States ‘countries’, and that of Jeruselem and Jeru FC, are well known to regular followers of international football and remain irritants which the WCC are yet to formerly tackle. Quite what statutes exist to stop an Albrecht FC, Delegate or Petardos S/A, for example, from declaring independence and entering themselves into World Cup qualifying is similarly unclear, and current rules seem open to all kinds of abuse by any professional clubs or other entities willing to brave international pariah status in return for obvious monetary gain.

Certainly, this group of self-proclaimed ‘Illegal Immigrants’ could hardly be said to constitute an international football team. The gap between the two sides in Zapata was of laughable proportions, and it is debatable whether the visitors would have stood a chance against Riverton Olympic, Fishermen FC or AFC Korslund – the main semi-professional clubs of this island community – never mind Green Island themselves. “’Oo are ya?” mingled with “Can we play you every week?” in the stands, and but for some sloppy finishing the scoreline here would have approached the absurd. As it was, the ‘aye-ayes’ – as Candelariasian fans have taken to calling them – will consider themselves fortunate to escape with a four-nil defeat and, even in a poor group such as this, they must expect similar treatment at the hands of Septentrionia in their next match.

The star of the show – if it can truly be described thusly – was Ramiro Novo, who added two more goals to a record that now stands at seventeen in nineteen games. In truth he should have had more, wastefully turning O’Sullivan Caras’ early cross over the bar. A second, weak shot on ten minutes was pushed away by the aye-aye’s goalkeeper, who was called Roberto or something, but any fears of a frustrating afternoon were ended shortly afterwards when Novo won a corner. Alessio Montano, on his first competitive start, delivered smartly and Caras – the polar opposite, playing in his seventy-fourth game – rose beyond the right-back – Rafael, probably – and headed past the aforementioned possibly-Roberto.

Shockingly, the visitors had a chance to equalise but Paolo, or whatever, failed utterly to make the most of a chance gifted by most-likely-Rafael’s long ball and Steven Williams’ slip. A small section of fans cheered his effort; mostly Marquezian Hispanics in sympathy for their cousins’ plight. Nobody minded very much.

It was a strange atmosphere all told, in truth, and not only because of the quality of the opposition. The confirmation of Mark Baker’s death lay low over the stadium, though the players were clearly keen – perhaps out of respect for the current manager – to avoid the game becoming one long tribute to the former boss. There was never-the-less an obvious lack of willingness to celebrate the goals too vociferously, not only in the stands but among the older players too.

Much of the Candelarias’ footballing community certainly seemed to be suffering from Baker burn-out however, and attempts were made elsewhere in the press to give the game a more cheerful weight by emphasising the distinctly Latino nature of many of its key players. The fact the match was played on Green Island – to avoid the possibility of visiting squad members overstaying their welcome in C&M at large – effectively put pay to that however, while for understandable reasons the conservative, largely pre-British Hispanic community of our own islands were unwilling to stress their association with the aliens out on the pitch.

One couldn’t help but note the ancestries of all three Candelariasian scorers however, even in the absence through injury of José Luis Sosa. It was Ramiro Novo who finally added the second shortly before half-time through another Montano corner, this time with José Felipe Cassumba Domingos heading across goal for the Parwood City forward to poke home.

Happily, the second period had two goals from open play; the first being just reward for Montano who avoided three tackles from three players as he wandered down the left wing, before cutting inside and firing a beautiful curler past almost-certainly-Roberto. He and Caras then turned provider, but Ignacio Vélez was clearly suffering from a dip in form. Perhaps the travelling was bringing him down, though it didn’t seem to bother the rest of the Cafundéu-based trio, Caras and William Burgos. Perhaps, at twenty-nine, his best days are behind him. One suspects that if we are to even qualify for this World Cup, never mind make the knock-out stages again, we must bloody well hope that this is not the case.

It was left to Novo then to put the cap on it then; collecting Cassumba Domingos’ through-ball, dribbling around the soft challenge of, let’s say, Guillermo, and side-footing the ball into the bottom left-hand corner. He was soon replaced with Rául Vélez, but the brothers couldn’t combine to extend the scoreline in the remaining twenty minutes.

Fears that the Illegal Immigrants squad would prove difficult to shift post-game proved unfounded, and the team’s flight left Zapata with a full compliment of players. It was a similar case in the stadium as well, where much-feared violence from the All Saints Army – who so damaged C&M’s reputation in the World Cup last sixteen game with Milchama – failed to materialise. Perhaps they were still too busy in Onwere, celebrating MN Smith’s five-one defeat league at the hands of MarquezOW.

Lloyd Donnelly was keen to play down any suggestion that the four-one result was any other than satisfactory, and for good reason. Though at the time of writing reports are not yet through, it appears that messieurs Bounchard and Maloeil may have done us a rather massive favour over in Gabalfa…

World Cup 40 Qualification Group 3 Game
@ Marlow Park, Zapata, Green Island

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/candelaria_and_marquez.png Candelaria And Marquez 4
Caras 19, Novo 44 and 71, Montano 52

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/ns_illegal_immigrants.png Illegal Immigrants 0

________________

Darragh O’Dowd swallowed. He’d been doing a lot of that lately. On this occasion it was because Big Paddy was lurking in the shadows. He was holding out a plastic cup.

“Yer’ll be wantin’ a slash?”

Darragh nodded gratefully, and relieved himself whilst Big Paddy watched dispassionately. After about two minutes a woman with a dog on a string walked past in the Albrecht moonlight, and the well dried up. Big Paddy removed the cup and tipped its contents over a wall. He shuffled in his duffle coat, removed a flask and held it out.

“Yer’ll be wantin’ a draink?”

Darragh nodded gratefully and quenched his thirst.

“Yer got ‘arm al’ roit, den?” Big Paddy asked personably.

Darragh nodded. There were so many things he wanted to say about his journey, and about how he’d had to carefully time his trip to coincide the visit of the Illegal Immigrants so that most of C&M’s immigration police would be over in Green Island. He wanted to say an awful lot of stuff, actually, which was weird because Darragh was usually the most taciturn of individuals. But in any case, this was Big Paddy. The most feared mobster in the Candelarias. He talked to you.

Big Paddy was five foot two and his real name was Song Jin-Bong. But his childhood contemporaries had been a little unsure of the correct term of abuse for his ethnicity, so they’d had to shift to the country of his birth instead; so as a Sorthern Northlander ‘Paddy’ it was. No-one really knew about the origin of the ‘Big’, though there were plenty of guesses.

Darragh finished off the contents of the bottle and wiped his lips. Jaysus, Mary an’ Joseph, he’d needed that. In general, the Candelariasian-Northlandish were more Sorthern Northlandish than the Sorthern Northlandish. They had an accent, for one thing. They were merely equally as fond of a drink, however. Drink and violence.

“Yer got deh goods, den?” Big Paddy grinned horribly.

God, he was ugly. It was more scar than face, but he wouldn’t have been pretty even without them. He had an interesting nose, but that was about the only positive thing you could stay, even with a stiletto under your ribs. Darragh was no looker either, even by his own admission but, as his mamai always said, it was what was inside that counted. Specifically, in this instance, inside his gastrointestinal tract. Darragh looked forlornly at his stomach and nodded.

“Gran’. Cos oi don’t nade ter remoin’ yer, Darragh, wha’ Nilsson wants is wat Big Paddy wants, an’ wha’ Big Paddy wants, Big Paddy gets. Aye?”

“Aye…”

“Roi. Let’s git dees tings oyt av yer an’ –”

Big Paddy was suddenly interrupted by a rapidly approaching siren and flashing blue lights.

“Shoite, it’s the cop’aas! Aaal reet, Darragh, git doon those steps as quick as yee gan an’ le–”

Big Paddy watched with mild interest as the little encouraging push in the small of the back he had given the mule resulted in him toppling down four steps and landing on the pavement face first. This was accompanied with the sound of, say, a grand piano being dropped from Progress Tower, and had a similar effect on Darragh’s body.

Big Paddy trotted down the steps and prodded at Darragh’s head with a shoe. It rattled, and some shards of bones fell out of his mouth. “Arse,” Big Paddy muttered to himself, and made himself scarce.

Luders Meniarol turned on the TV in his Gontarthe home. He found the remote and punched the button labeled 4, followed by 1. As typically happened when he did that, BCN popped up on the television screen.

The scores were rolling across the bottom of the screen...

REJISTANIA 3 LEGALESE 0
9TYNELIA 5 WIJASKA ISL 1
21BAZALONIA 9 KOSE & TURKS 1
25VEPHRALL 0 10ZWANGZUG 3
UIRI 0 PANTOCRATORIA 3

He turned the TV back off. "Damn it, BCN," he grumbled, "just because it's November Fools' Day* doesn't mean we don't want the real scores."

* In Vephrall, this event is celebrated on November 1 rather than April 1.

The Beningrad Morning Star
In Sorthern Northland you read newspaper!

Drunkards Trophy
http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/sorthern_northland.png Sorthern Northland ?-? Sesquipedalianist http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/sesquipedalianist.png

The first ever Drunkards Trophy between the two drunk nations of Sorthern Northland and Sesquipedalianist was an eagerly anticipated event. One we are sure lived up to such high expectation. We would of course tell you all about it but truth is the new military junta of the SNFA imposed a media blackout and ban of the match for Sorthern media meaning we were unable to attend the match. Strangely this didn't apply to Sesquip media suggesting some sort of dodgy underhand dealings took place between the military junta and Sesquipedalianist. Coincidently manager Kevuaghn Ó Crio-whasisface has not been seen since the game. The winners prize, a ship load of Sorthern Northland's finest beer has also been confirmed as missing by the brewery supplying it. So until the Sesquip media releases their reports on the match this is all we can tell you.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/rennidan.pngRennidan 1-5 Sorthern Northland http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/sorthern_northland.png

Acting manager, Major General Dick O'Reilly blasted (not literally with a gun or anything), Rennidan following their "prepared for war" speech.

Speaking after the game and seemingly about to burst a vain in his neck the angry Major General blared, "WAR!? They call that WAR!? These cowards wouldn't know a war if a mine blew up in their face! Banning us from taking our weapons onto the pitch!? Do they not realise we are an army unit? Our guns are to us like a football is to a footballer! Cowards!"

The loss of weapons however didn't seem to affect the troops er players though and if anything benefited them as it allowed them to be what they are. Footballers not soldiers. Not that that stopped them significantly damaging the pitch of the Rennidan National Stadium. One of the many unorthodox tactics introduced by Major General Dick O'Reilly has been to dig a series of trenches into the pitch as a means of defence. And this is what the Sortherners spent the first ten or so minutes doing. Not concentrating on the game the defence allowed Nicholi Drentum through to score Rennidan's first goal in competetive world football (if our sources are correct that is, those sources being The Pickled Gherkin there is every chance that is wrong).

However with the trenches dug and the players left weaponless they turned to the only weapon they really knew. Their footballing skills! It wasn't long before this switch back reaped benefits as Jing Mao raced through on goal to level the scores with ten minutes left in the half. The General Major was obviously upset the team had forgotten all their military training and had turned to "civilian football" as he called it. He then spent the remaining ten minutes of the half giving his squad a good old military bollocking as the Rennidan players watched on, somewhat bemused.

The SN squad came out for the second half seemingly scared shitless by the Major General. "We had them in trained in undercover operations and hand to hand combat in case they were disarmed at any point during the World Cup. At half time I waterboarded them until they agreed to use those tactics in the last forty-five minutes", the Major General explained after the game when questioned about his teams somewhat physical nature during the second half.

It would also seem he gave Candarlerian ref Vallender Harvey similar treatment as Harvey seemed to let the Sortherners get away with a huge number of karate chops, punches, headbutts, headlocks and worst of all Chinese burns. The last of which was perfectly executed by Kim Min-Kim on goalie Ryan Malkoa to allow Jing Mao to add a second goal.

The third goal was controversially given despite Jing being some forty metres offside. Although to be fair to Jing, he was only offside due to the entire Rennidan defence having been knocked unconscious by tranquilliser darts shot from the sideline by the Major General. Vallender Harvey then promptly decided O'Reilly's actions were against the spirit of the game and sent him to the stands. An act for which he was court-martialed by the Major General.

The fourth goal came five minutes after the Rennidan defenders had been revived and play was restarted. It was unique in that it was perhaps the only goal of the second half for which Rennidan could not claim any fouls were committed against them. Ben O'Bagels who was playing out wide on the left along with Feng Shui in a strange two left wingers experiment fed the ball through to Feng who calmly weaved through the defence (it should be said the defence were still a bit groggy from the tranquillisers mind) and slotted the ball into the bottom corner of the goal.

The fifth goal come with just a few minutes left on the clock as an angry Dick O'Reilly returned to the field in a tank he had somehow got hold of. Driving it towards the ref the Rennidan players quickly evacuated the pitch leaving the path clear for Jonny Sage to dribble it in from his own goal all the way down the pitch and into the Rennidan goal.

So all in all, the first ever Military Junta Football Squadron of Sorthern Northland will return home from Rennidan having left a minor trial of destruction in their wake. The next game? Jeruselem's army team at home. Expect an explosive battle.

-----
Scorers:

Rennidan: Nicholi Drentum (1)
Sorthern Northland: Jing Mao (3), Feng Shui (1), Jonny Sage (1)

The critically Unaclaimed Newspaper
Taeshan Beats the Fujis
Yesterday a game was played on the pristine pitch at Atlantea College. The field is known only as Atlantea Collesium. The stands were decked with the purple, and gold of the new knights of Taeshan. Though still some memories of the first 3 World cups lingered as there was still some green from the bold Zeke jerseys sporting the famous coach.
The Blue grass was covered by the cleats of the brightly clad Fujisiwan team, and the purple and gold of the Purple Knights. The heat was an astounding 56 degrees the highest ever recorded in the Commonwealth. The snow had melted from the earlier storm on Aestre day. That day the sky was gleaming from the bright yet few rays of lights from the Blue son.
The game started with the Fujisiwan Kickoff. The players passed the Dark Blue ball around*, they lobbed passes to each other like a well oiled team. Though not as seasoned as the veterans of Taeshan, the Fujisiwan Territory team was not to be messed with. They passed with the grace of the Tiger, the bite of the Jaguar, and the speed of the Cheetah.
The defense of the Purple Knights held though led by there captain in goal Tad Montague. The team was positioned just right for every Fujii attack. You could tell how long the Knight D had been together by there manner and distinction.
But the Fujii team would just not stop there attack even at halftime, I fear, the knights were awating yet another defensive struggle, But Zeke the coach had a trick under his sleeve that would prove the need for him as coach.
The hidden ball trick of baseball is quite impossible to manuever in soccer, unless you gather a group of players near the kickoff point and attack right away with the stealth of a falcon, the plan was practically flawlees with Soco Kennedy, Hele, and the ig Ryan williams, and John Kina in front of him, Zeke Jr. easily strode threw the Fujis D towrds the goal. Despite this Sakuru Jo, the Fujis goalie, put a dagger in there brilliant plan and caught the colored ball just in front of his own goal.
Then with just minutes to go Zeke hoping to put some spice in the game sent in tricky defender A.F. Falcon, and the new secret Weapon of attack, from the bottomless pit Pele a future star of another national, team who is somehow from earlier.??????????????
Pele lead a new attack formation the Purple knights called the Flying V. In the front was Pele his wingers were Hele, and Ryan Williams, in the back strode the Stern Ryan Williams, and the gallant middie Brian Ying
Uing. With the precission of a certain hockey team, the vers passed the Blue ball amongst themselves straight threw the Fujis D. Then with a sweeping flick of his foot Ying Uing, smashed the ball right into the left corner of the goal.
The fans cheered, there may even have been a few streakers** in the crowd, but still the knights had scored a crucial goal that would win the game. The fans went home happy, well most of them anyways.
By Ricky Zellefrow

* All balls used in Taeshani soccer games are a Royal Blue
**The writer was one of these few

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

MONASTIC NEWS - LIVE AT 6 (Byzantine time)

With Fr. Peter the Rock and Anchor


"We lead tonight, on the day where we commemorate Venerable Mary of Egypt, Venerable Euthymius of Suzdal, Martyr Abraham of Bulgaria, Venerable Gerontius the Canonarch of the Kiev Far Caves, Venerable Macarius the Abbot of Pelecete, Martyr Gerontius, Martyr Basilides, Righteous Achaz (Ahaz), St John Shavteli of Salosi, Bishop of Gaenati, St Eulogius of Salosi, the Prophet and Fool-for-Christ, and the Venerable Barsanuphius of Optina, with news of a Lenten miracle - the greatest mass conversion of a single Ordinary Reality nation in the history of the Archregimancy. Via an extraordinarly rare direct news feed to Ordinary Reality, we go straight to - appropriately enough - Fr. Euthymius of the Borisoglebsky Woods, live in front of the Cathedral of St. Nicholas in the formerly schismatic nation of Casari. That's right, Casari. Fr. Euthymius?"

"....these extraordinary scenes here Casari where, even as I speak, the newly Orthodox cathedral in Casari is having an iconostasis built in preparation for this Sunday's Divine Liturgy of St. John Chrysostom. Yes, that's right... Casari. An Ordinary Reality nation formerly known for wanton drunkeness and sin has had its entire Catholic hierarchy announce its withdrawal from the jurisdiction of the Freemason-loving schismatic Pope of Rome, and the formation of a new, Orthodox church."

"And has the canonicity of this new church been recognised, Fr. Euthymius?"

"It's my understanding, Fr. Peter, that the hierarchy of the OCHE - including, unusually, all of the representatives of the Holy Synod of the Archregimancy to the Patriarchate - are meeting as we speak to consider immediate recognition of the new Orthodox Church of Casari's canonicity."

"And the scenes - what about the scenes on the street?"

"To be honest, Fr. Peter, most people seem confused or indifferent, but it's surely just a matter of time before the predictable outpouring of love and fulfillment must surely come to pass."

"And what about motivations, Fr. Euthymius? Any word on why Cardinal... sorry, I mean Patriarch Arkanis has taken this wonderful, extraordinary step?"

"Word in the cloister has it that there were several reasons... that the Casaran authorities were desperate to play the Archregimancy in a football friendly, but that the MFA would only accept the invitation on condition of the Casaran church abandoning the Pope, that Patriarch Arkanis rather liked the idea of being the head of his own canonical autocephalous church rather than being answerable to Rome, and that they'd heard that if there's one thing an Orthodox layperson knows how to do, it's organise a booze-up."

"Amazing scenes, Fr. Euthymius. Just as long as they remember to cross themselves the right way on Sunday. ha ha ha ha ha."

"Very droll, Fr. Peter. Very droll."

"And now sport, with Fr. John the Golden-throated. Fr. John?"

"Nothing to report here, Fr. Peter."

"Didn't we play, err... Kolanderaz last night?"

"If we did, I don't think there's much point in talking about it."

"Why not?"

"Fr. Peter.... I think we'd better just focus on the Casaran miracle tonight. No point in, well, darkening the mood with news of mere passing trivialities."

"Right then. Moving on the next item... Vespers were half an hour late in the Painted Monastery of Voronets yesterday due to a squirrel nest being found behind the royal doors. Metropolitan Justinian said....."

[OOC: Oh Sel... you could have done so much better. "regular RP threads are pointless since no on replies"? This is me we're talking about. You could at least have run with the wrestling...]

IT'S.....

THE WORLD CUP SHOW

With Basil and Theo

"Basil!"

"Theo!"

"What are we going to talk about tonight?"

"How about my navel fluff?"

"Your?"

"My belly button fluff, Theo. I collect it every night. I've already made two pillows out of it..."

"That's nice, Basil, but I think we're supposed to be talking about football. And maybe traditional Mongolian wrestling."

"Why?"

"Because it says so in our contract. And, I might add, it doesn't say anything about belly button fluff"

"Well, I think that's a pity, Theo. It's really quite lovely belly button fluff."

"Be as that may, Basil, I really think we should turn our attention towards last night's opening qualifier."

"Do we have to?"

"Yes. And with Bokegalbaatar facing off against Bokelbaatar, both in goal and in a half-time centre circle traditional Mongolian wrestling match, the eyes of many realities were on Sel Appa last night."

"This Bokegalbaatar isn't very good, is he Theo?"

"I'm sorry?"

"Well, just look at these highlights. He let in seven goals last night. Well, both of him together did, anyway. Just look at these highlights... <said highlights play> those goals from Kopel, Tartaruga and Nkuma are pathetic. The two late consolations from Imperial sub Belmore weren't much better. Nimble colossus my arse."

"Yes, well, so alright, Basil... the performance wasn't the best Imperial match in recent memory, but at least we won the traditional Mongolian wrestling, by two falls to three."

"Yes, but only because the Sel Appan Bokelbaatar collapsed in a fit of giggles at the sheer ridiculousness of being forced to wrestle himself."

"So not a night where Imperial sport covered itself with glory, then. But it was an opening match for a team that's still trying to cohere, and with absolutely everyone predicting us to finish ahead of the Turtles..."

"It's all going to go horribly wrong, Theo, isn't it?"

"Probably, Basil... probably... it usually does."

“This match is scheduled for one fall and is for the IWA World Heavyweight Championship!”

The International Wrestling Association, Atlantian Oceania’s second-largest promotion, was hosting its main “WrestleFest 40” event at Aigburth’s ArenaWest stadium. In one of the utility rooms inside the bowels of the stadium, refurnished to look like a corporate office, the company’s owner and chief promoter, Gareth Mancini, was taking in the atmosphere. Tonight was going well, and the coup de grace was still yet to be delivered.

A piece of rock music played over the PA system.

“Introducing first, the challenger. From Fauxham, Bazalonia, and weighing in at two hundred and thirty-nine pounds, JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMIE NOOOOOOOOON!!!”

Jamie Noon walks out in his amber-and-black ring attire, and slides under the bottom rope. As he raises his arms, the crowd taunt him with shouts of “UPK! UPK!” Noon, revelling in the staged animosity, raises his arms to the other three corners of the ring.

A military march begins to sound, and the announcer begins to speak again.

“And his opponent, he weighs in at two hundred and forty-seven pounds. From Emberton, he is the reigning IWA World Heavyweight champion, John, “The Patriot”, MAAAAAAARCOS!”

The Patriot enters the ring in his camouflage-pattern ring attire, waving the Krytenian flag. He passes the flagpole to a member of the crowd, makes his way to the centre of the ring, and grabs the microphone off the announcer.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, stop the music.”

Marcos’ entrance music immediately cuts out.

“Now I understand we have a very special guest here tonight, right here in Aigburth, Aigea!” (The crowd cheers.) “So, Madam President, I want to play some music that’ll make you feel right at home here in your home town.”

A spotlight shines on the skybox containing the President of Krytenia, Dominique Domasca. The first strains of the national anthem of Krytenia, “March To Glory”, begin to play.

“No, no, no, the other one!”

The anthem stops and is replaced by another piece of music.

Dum dum dum, daaa dad um dum dum, daa daa…

After a few seconds, the audience recognise the music as “Starblaydia Triumphant”, and Marcos leads them in a chant of “You Sold Out”. The camera holds on Domasca’s reaction as she runs out of the skybox crying.

* * * * * * * * * *

“The latest figures from opinion poll company Vopo place President Domasca’s approval ratings at 37%, her lowest ever. A weak foreign policy, the increasing political reliance on the Starblaydi government, and her humiliation on pay-per-view television are believed to be the cause of the six percent drop.”

Ladies and gentlemen. As the players walk out onto the pitch to hear the national anthems, the RP has been cut-off for this Matchday.

And, after ninety minutes, the Scores are in (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13574921&postcount=6).

"And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why we didn't use our new, state-of-the-art stadium in our match against Sorthen Northland..."

Ryan Malkoa, Team Captain, stood on the podium, speaking to the press. He was still slightly groggy from his last match, though that wasn't down to playing too hard.

It was down to being tranquilized.

Behind him sat the rest of his teammates, some of which who were drooling quite badly into their laps and snoring a wee bit too loud.

Annnd behind them?

Mud.

Mud mud mud mud mud.

Lots of bloomin' mud.

And tank tracks.

And, honest to God, I would swear that there was a crater.

"We'll now be, uh, retiring this stadium for the rest of the World Cup. Instead, we'll be using the Eorga Choondra Stadium, based a top Rennida Mountain. I hope to see you all there at our next home game."

OLHO NO LANCE! YOUR SPORTS MAGAZINE!
$PECIAL $ECTION

WORLD CUP 40 QUALIFIERS COVERAGE - WITH GLOBO MULTIMEDIA
Written by Sílvio Ruiz, with comments from TV made by Breno Gavião

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FRACASSO FORA DE CASA

THE FIRST HALF: in the first game of the World Cup 40 qualifiers, the Monopolists from Cafundéu faced Dancougar in an away game. Of course, the responsibility of the victory was with the yellow team. A new team that had defeated Valanora and seemed strong enough to make a very good performance in this World Cup. But the result of this game showed that this team still has to improve a lot to transform the dream of the World Cup success in reality. Let’s start talking about the game. In the first minutes, Cafundéu attacked a lot, and this resulted in the first goal of Flecha. A fast goal like this one made the players think that the game wouldn’t be very difficult. But they were wrong, as Dancougar prepared the reply.

Using the speed of its players, Dancougar had some very good attacks, even making the ball hit the post once, in a shot by Ikeda. Cafundéu tried to score another goal with Moreira, but his shot went over the bar. And, soon after, Whittaker scored. Things only got worse for the Monopolists when Ikeda found some space inside the area and could score another goal for the hosts. Losing the game, the Cafundelenses started to use a lot the full-backs in their plays, but missed many chances. But at least Cafundéu was able to get the draw with a goal scored by Marcelinho.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 1 (Flecha’s first goal): “Silveirrrrrra with a good tackle in the midfield, passes the ball to Marrrrrrcelo Rrrrrocha on the rrrrright side. He rrrrreaches the ball, good pass to Marrrrrcelinho, who rrrrrretrrrrrrieves the ball to Rrrrrocha. Good chance, the ball now goes inside the area, Flecha heads it… look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Look at the rrrrreplay! Flecha, number nine! Cafundéu one, Dancougar zerrrrro! The best prrrrrices in vegetables and frrrrruits, only in Feirota Superrrrrrmarrrrrket!”

THE SECOND HALF: Meback wasn’t satisfied with the draw. He wanted to see the team winning the game, so he made changes to make the team more offensive. But Cafundéu didn’t even have much time to see if these changes could put the team in the lead. Before the tenth minute of the second half, Marcelo Rocha fouled Ikeda inside the area. Penalty called by Zet Plomaker. Ikeda took it and scored the goal. Few minutes later, Marcelo Rocha made another foul and was sent off. Cafundéu’s situation wasn’t good at the moment, with Dancougar playing a better football.

The hosts knew how to take advantage of this positive moment. Boris Boskov, who was leading the Dancougar midfield in the game with a very good performance, made the play that ended with Morimoto scoring the fourth goal of Dancougar. DuPont then decided to defend his team. Meback went in the opposite way, putting the team to the attack. Cafundéu pressured the opponent for many minutes, until Flecha received the ball inside the area and suffered a penalty. The same attacker took it and scored the goal. After the goal, Cafundéu still tried to get the win, but Jinguuji ended with the Monopolists’ hopes scoring the last goal of the game.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 2 (Morimoto’s goal): “Long pass dirrrrrectly to the attack, a good counterrrrrattack starrrrrt by Dancougar! Ball dirrrrrectly to Leyton, who holds it well. The ball goes to Boskov, who holds it and avoids Silveirrrrrra’s marrrrrking. Passes the ball to Jinguuji, Souza nearrrrrly takes the ball frrrrrom him, but he founds space and passes the ball to Morrrrrrimoto! He is alone inside the arrrrrrea, only with Moisés to beat… and it’s a goal! Goal for Dancougar! Morimoto! Dancougar dour, Cafundéu two! Do you need new batterrrrrries? But quality ones, of courrrrrrse, that worrrrrk for a long time? The solution is Durrrrralonge Pilhas!”

CURIOUS MOMENTS: this game wasn’t one of much curious moments, the game happened without major incidents, and the game itself was a very entertaining one to watch. But no one will forget when Zet Plomaker “received” a pass from Da Silva, still in the first half. He unconsciously shot the ball against the Dancougar goal, but sent the ball wide. Although Plomaker had a good performance in this game, he has some problem with his shoes. In two times they left his feet. He should buy smaller ones. Another incident was when Marcelo Rocha was sent off. He threw his shirt on the field and left the stadium furious. A fan tried to invade the field to get the shirt, but police officers stopped him.

JORGE LANG - INTERVIEWS: not the expected result, but the performance of the Monopolist team wasn’t so bad. The team had some problems in defending, but the midfield and attack played well. The coach Caio Meback said: “We had a good start, but we relaxed a bit after the first goal. Because of that, we started to suffer a lot of pressure, and couldn’t recover. Let’s get a win in the next game.” The goalkeeper Moisés said: “They had some successful counterattacks, this decided the game in their favour. They were more efficient, but I think that Cafundéu played a good football too.”


DANCOUGAR 5x3 CAFUNDÉU

Place: Stadium in Yuki City.
Attendance: 78,550 people.
Referee: Zet Plomaker (Zwangzug).
MOTM: Boris Boskov (Dancougar).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/dancougar.png DANCOUGAR: Watanabe; Barclay, Weatherford and Yamada (Carter 80’); Boskov, Underwood (Pinder 45’), Whittaker (Saotome 72’), Morimoto and Leyton; Ikeda and Jinguuji.
Coach: Charles DuPont.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Moisés; Marcelo Rocha, Augusto César, Alex and Souza (Gian 45’); Silveira, Da Silva (Carlos Magno 83’), Marcelinho and Moreira; Flecha and Saulo (Rubiano 63’).
Coach: Caio Meback.

Goals: DAN: Whittaker 13’ , Ikeda 25’/58’ , Morimoto 72’ , Jinguuji 88’.
CAF: Flecha 8’ , Marcelinho 40’ , Flecha 79’.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cafundéu – formation for the game against Hopeful SC: Moisés; Vital, Augusto César, Alex and Souza; Silveira, Da Silva, Marcelinho and Moreira; Flecha and Careca.
Coach: Caio Meback.
Style of +3

Match’s Referee: Ernest Sodeghin (Sorthern Northland).

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

WC Goalscorers:

2- Flecha
1- Marcelinho

The Bassabook Baritone
Now with seven fewer powers of ten

The night it rained, goals also scored

Qualification for World Cup 40 began around the multiverse with a single (or triple, or twelve-times-over) theme: goals. Three of them were scored in Vephrall, by the visiting Zwangzug team: a storm before gametime muddied the pitch and might have just wiped out any home-field advantage Vephrall had along with it.

The problems were clear almost from the kickoff: Vephrese midfielder Cothasat Sperobis took control from Brendan Deguela, and for a time the teams seemed about even. But once Eddie Barnes passed to Evan Terwilliger, Zwangzug were firmly in control. With the possible exception of, well, Terwilliger, who played the whole game as if he was trying to get rid of the ball as quickly as possible. Thanks to Peter Vanderpent's acute positioning, however, this was duly accomplished. Thug Umsaasad slipped momentarily, Vanderpent didn't, and he sent it into the goal. 1-0 Zwangzug.

1-0 it remained through most of the first half, before Vanderpent scored once again, this time a header off a pass from Deguela. Halftime saw Claude Seu enter in place of Terwilliger.

Vephrall had the beginnings of an attack going in the second half when Einy Solivasas came into possession, but he couldn't find an open forward to pass to. Megan Kucinich wound up with it, passing to Gary Maini, who had been playing shallow to avoid the offsides trap. He dribbled forward and scored for the third goal.

In other games of note, Pantocratoria beat Uiri by the same scoreline to begin their first qualification attempt, and Yafalonia and Bazor 2 beat Lethislavania 2-1: these six teams comprise group 7. (Zwangzug will play in Yafalonia, Bazor 2, or the island in between next.) Dancougar upset Cafundéu 5-3, and six other sides scored more than four goals: eight for Squornshelous, nine for Bazalonia, and conceding just one was Milchama, with eleven.

Hey, how about a 12-0? Set a record with software that's working as it's supposed to.

The Isangrad Times

Boyars Lose In a Tightly Contested Match on Matchday 1

It is... SHOWTIME!!! World Cup XL (or 40, for you non-Romans) has officially kicked off with a game in Jariss. The Boyars, after a few years of additional training and experience, are ready to take on the world in this World Cup and try to earn glory and honor for The Valerian Empire. Emperor Ivan V attended this game, on foreign soil, to watch the second-favorite national team (the national football team is only second to the lacrosse national team). Both national squadrons were rather equally matched up, as Magnus Valerius is 61 and Jariss is 59 ranked worldwide. This close match-up is destined to make a close game.

The game started off with a Valerian possession. Max von Hohenstauffen quickly infiltrated enemy turf and tried to deliver a goal, piping hot, to the Jariss defenders. However, the Valerians could not break through with a goal all the first half. Luckily neither did Jariss. Étienne de Roviere, Dimitri Kim, and Vova Pavilov were the defensive heroes of the first half, keeping every incoming Jarissian player in check and making sure that there was no chance for him to make a goal.

The second half was the same old, same old. Neither side was able to make a goal. That is, however, until some Jarissian slob sent in a goal flying just centimeters from Dimitri Kim's blocking attempt. Had he only jumped further... Regardless, Jariss made a goal at the 81st minute, and by that time it was rather hopeless for the Boyars, who ended up losing in a nil-1 loss to Jariss.

Ellime e Vephrall to be unused for remainder of qualifying, says VFR

MEICE -- In the aftermath of the Vephrall national football team's embarrassing 3-1 home loss to Uiri, the Vephraller Foutbiller Restritris has announced that the official national stadium in the capital city of Meice will not be used for any remaining World Cup 40 qualifying fixtures.

"The place is cursed," stated manager Umsaasad Pentove very matter-of-factly in a press conference this afternoon. "Either that, or it's a Capitalizt conspiracy."

One of the worst performances ever seen from a Vephrall national side sent the white and gold into last place in Group Seven. Vephrall is the only top-25 team to have lost both of its first two matches, 0-3 to #10 Zwangzug and 1-3 to Uiri, both at home.

The VFR agreed to this change at the behest of Pentove, but on one condition: if Vephrall failed to finish in the top two in its qualifying group, the manager's contract, which currently runs through the end of World Cup 41 qualifying, would be terminated.

All remaining home matches have tentatively been scheduled to take place at the 62,951-seat Uddaphyphose in Penuls, the home of Poikimitagiin FE.

VEPHRALL 1 (Einy Solivasas 36)
Uiri 3 (Despite our best efforts, we have been unable to determine who scored -ed)

THE ROCKET REPORT

BAPTIZED BY MILCHAMAN FIRE

Commentary by Brian Collins (OOC: For those who didn’t really read much of the BoF thread, Collins is the kind of journalist that likes to “stir things up”, and his commentaries, when posted, should be taken in that context).

Milchama- We saw the game, we know the result. I’m sure many of us turned off our TVs in disgust as they game got more and more out of hand. Milchama’s players demonstrated why they are the 2nd ranked team in the world. They were faster, smarter, and more efficient. If they play like that, they can win the World Cup. I’m sure you don’t want to peak too early though. 18 goals in 2 games is great, but eventually the law of averages will even itself out.

I’m disappointed. Am I disappointed that the Rockets lost 7-2? Not any more then I would be if they lost 3-2. The result, I can live with. No one expected the Rockets to come into Milchama and shock the #2 ranked team in the world. Am I disappointed in the Rockets? Not one bit. Not in Brian Carson, goalkeeper Kevin Dalton, the defenders, or the attackers. It won’t matter when they come home. Our next match is finally in the Empire, and we know that Olympia Field will be buzzing for the match against Lithima. That’s a match the Rockets should win. If they lose that one, then I will be disappointed. But not now.

So why I am disappointed? I’m disappointed in Milchama. Not their team or their coaches. Their players are doing what they needed to do. The atmosphere in Pocono City for our friendly with Starblaydia was amazing. The same can be said for the atmosphere in Kura-Pelland for our first qualifying game. That was a passionate crowd, and one that got into the game. This place was about as dead as a South Charlotte-Fairfield City match. Nah, nevermind, that puts down those two clubs too much. Milchama expects to qualify, without question. They’ve earned the right to feel that way, sure. If the match is just an obvious formality, then why bother spending the high prices to attend a game, get a hotel room, pay for the rental car and other travel expenses. The players will take care of business, so why bother. Fair enough. But as someone making my first trip to Milchama, I had expectations of this place. I wanted to see passion. I wanted to see what made them the #2 ranked team in the world, off the pitch. I saw why they are on the pitch, but not off. And off the pitch is half the battle. Frankly, I saw none of that. Maybe, given the circumstances, my expectations were too high.

I do know one thing. When the Rockets return home tomorrow, and get set to play Lithima at Olympia Field, in the first ever qualifying effort, it will be like the Rockets are 2-0 with a +7 goal differential. Passion, excitement, and nationalistic pride. That’s what World Cup qualifying is all about. They’ve forgotten that in Milchama. Success can breed complacency, and that’s never more true then what I have seen with this nation. If and when Newmanistan approached that level of worldwide success, let us hope we never become like that. They’ve showed they have a better team. Now, let’s show we have the better fan base.

And hey, if it comes down to Milchama vs Kura-Pelland. Count me as a Kura-Pelland fan. They were more impressive out of these two games. Not in scorelines, but in everything the wonderful game of football has to offer.

"Balls!" Hill yelled, kicking at the grass and watching it lift slightly. "This bastard pitch is coming up again."

"Again? Why are we so chronically unable to keep grass in this place?" Lornair said, looking out of the tunnel. "It's not too wet to hold." There were a few odd drops, the very tail end of the shower which had moved through a few hours before the match.

"The field won't drain, it's never drained." Mark Antari said, rubbing his right eye and looking like he made it out of bed twelve to fourteen minutes before arriving at the field.

"Well, why not, that's the question."

"Built the stadium on a graveyard?"

"No-"

"Gypsy curse?"

"No, there's not-"

"Gophers?"

"How the hell could there be-"

"Some kind of wild dog that pees on the field and kills the grass?"

Hill and Lornair gave Antari a stare and sighed. "We're not looking for dogs living in the stadium. That's a stupid idea and you're stupid."

"But you don't know that they're not."

"There's no dead spots, dog pee would cause dead spots."

Hill rolled her eyes. "It sucks because there's no contractor in this town that'll do a decent damn job of it."

"That and the dogs."

"Antari, I'm going to set you on fire." Lornair yelled, prompting a comical chase down the tunnel and around the corner towards the locker room. Hill stayed behind for a minute, another brief shower starting to water the field again.

"Rain's not helping either."

World Cup 40 Qualifiers: 1-1-0 (2)
PQF: HAN 2-1 ESF (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD1: HAN(26) 1-1 (167)ENG (@ Oromokojei Football Stadium, Oromokjei)
MD2: HAN(26) 2-0 (61)MGV (@ Sanghae National Football Stadium, Sanghae)
MD3: JAR(59) --- (26)HAN
MD4: SJV(154) --- (26)HAN
MD5: HAN(26) --- (16)CAS (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MQF: TAE --- HAN
MD6: ENG(167) --- (26)HAN
MD7: MGV(61) --- (26)HAN
MD8: HAN(26) --- (59)JAR (@ Munhwa Football Stadium, Hanseong)
MD9: HAN(26) --- (154)SJV (@ King Kim Iljei Memorial Football Stadium, Malnira)
MD10: CAS(16) --- (26)HAN

국제험담
International Gossip
Case #02 - Churches

Ioshido had to thank his lucky garters that he managed to steal a comfortable win against Magnus Valerius in Sanghae today. And I thank his lucky garters, because it seems that the other team was too devoted to the church to be focused on the football match (at least they're not dressed like monks). But as we survey the world, we just have to wonder what exactly is up with all of these churchs? The Archregimancy has to be the most sacralist organization in the world, with nearly everything controlled by the church. Casari just recently converted its entire church to Orthodoxy, after its senior members couldn't - for the love of God - point at Rome on a map. I remind you that these are the same Casarans who routinely roll around in their cages. Now, put a map in front of any Casaran, especially a map of Rome, and they would probably chew up the map before giving you an opportunity to ask where Rome is. Reasonably, the Pope wasn't too pleased, and there are now rumors of a Holy Catholic Crusade to restore the Catholic Church in Casari. Well, if Casari gets bogged down in a Crusade, that should mean that we'll get a better chance at qualification - right?

Maybe. That is, if we manage to get through the rest of the group with BuyAGoal.com and its whatnot.

But what is up with all of these religious organizations taking up a storm in football? I mean, even Jeruselem - the harlem sluts - takes up a predominantly Catholic approach. And some country called Prazkoy has recently decided to involve its Church in its football team (rather, the Church decided to intervene...). What ever happened to secular rule? Man has his dominion on Earth, and God has His in Heaven. So what the hell does God want anything to do with football?

Aha!!!!!!!!!!

Yes. Hell is what God wants to do with football. You see, the end of the world will be the great battlefield of epic proportions, and that field shall be the greatest football field in the world. Forget what you've read in Revelations or whatever non-sense you've read from some doomsday book; the end of the world will be decided on the pitch with 11 players and 1 massively important coach. Hence, we have discovered the massive of these numerous religious organizations actively participating in the role of producing star football athletes. Rumor has it that the best church is the one that will have the most players fielded on that pitch at Armageddon - so there is a real impetus to get the most and best players in this world so that they can be the best players in the next.

What about all of those other organizations though? After all, the majority of the World Cup Champions are in fact atheist footballing countries. What does that tell us of our chances in producing star athletes for Heaven? Well, that's where the competitiveness in this world comes into play. Satan has his own minions setting about this world to ensure that the Christian organizations can't win. BuyAGoal.com is a Satanist organization that has fulfilled the Seven Sins in the global quest for the defeat of God's players in the final match even before that match has been played. And rest assured, there are other organizations.

In due, there is only one option for us to do - the Empire must find a church to endorse and field a team that is capable of serving the Lord in the next world of a great and mighty team. Otherwise, we risk losing out the war to the great minions of Hell in the final match - consider it the Universal Cup final match ever! Who knows what will happen if Satan wins the match? Maybe Heaven will freeze over and all of those people stuck in Limbo will be glad that they missed all of the action between Heaven and Hell - hmm, maybe being a good atheist isn't such a bad option.

Anyway, there's going to be a problems to iron out. One - the Emperor Gojong stated that every person has the Imperial privilege to hold fast to any beliefs that he or she so choose, as long as these beliefs neither hinder others' abilities to live under Imperial protection nor threaten the security of the Empire. So the first thing to do is repeal that - and the only person can repeal an Imperial edict is the Emperor himself. That means, every responsible citizen must go out and beseech the Emperor to repeal the edict and establish the Church of Han to make our great nation a great sacralist nation that will produce the greatest fruit of all. After all, whether or not we're doing this for God or glory, there's still national pride. Hopefully, we'll get this in time for World Cup 42.

Goal Scorers
1 - An Pilrip, Yi Dongguk, Jeong Jihun

World Cup 40 Qualifiers 0-1-1 (#)
MD1: SOL(58) 1-1 (173)PRA
MD2: PRA(173) 0-2 (3)ESF (@ Praži Štadyon oř’Futbol, Praz)
MD3: BLU(64) --- (173)PRA
MD4: PRA(173) --- (153)AGR (@ Praži Štadyon oř’Futbol, Praz)
MD5: BOS(24) --- (173)PRA
MQF: TBD
MD6: PRA(173) --- (58)SOL (@ Praži Štadyon oř’Futbol, Praz)
MD7: ESF(3) --- (173)PRA
MD8: PRA(173) --- (64)BLU (@ Praži Štadyon oř’Futbol, Praz)
MD9: AGR(153) --- (173)PRA
MD10: PRA(173) --- (24)BOS (@ Praži Štadyon oř’Futbol, Praz)

Grand Hussite Church turns secular institution into a secular institution

The Grand Hussite Church has announced its intention to make the secularist institution of Prazkoy a secular institution.

"For as many years as we have imagined it, the Grand Hussite Church firmly remains committed to non-interference of the Church and State upon one and the other. If we are all truly God-fearing, God-loving, God-praising people, we will live our lives in the manner that is fitting of all Christians. The Church should not be an exclusive club for the clergy, since every man deserves the great pleasure of salvation. Therefore, the Church and State shall remain apart."

This announcement comes amid reports that the team lost to Valanora. Some citizens suggested that the Church should at least take in the reins of the football team. "They're already sending a bishop along with the team. What's the difference if the bishop becomes the team's coach?" The Church has made no remarks on this possibility, since the state sponsors the national team but has no official connections to it (unlike in some other countries...).

Also, great news for all folk with dandruff! Reports from the Basilica of Sankt Pyotr suggest that sprinkling Holy Water upon the scalp of diseased and severely dry skin instantly cures a person of any skin condition. The priests discovered this by accident as the altar boy nearly tipped over the pedestal in which the blessed water resided. The sprinkles came upon his head and cured his severe infestation of lice. They tried some other things and found that Holy Water from the Basilica also removed tarnish from silver, cured heart burn, and among other things rendered perfect sight to the deaf. Unfortunately, drinking Holy Water did not quench thirst.

World Cup Qualifying – MD2

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/the_daleks_2.png The Daleks 2 : Acapais http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/acapais.png
2:1 (0:1)


Match Report:
The Daleks 2 – The second match of Acapais’s World Cup Qualifying campaign for World Cup XL was against World Cup newbie Daleks 2 last night and ended in a 2-1 win for the home side. Acapais manager, Stephanie Horne is now winless in the last seven matches dating back two years ago.

A game in which Acapais needed an away win to break their losing streak against a very inexperienced nation ended with an Acapais defeat and three Acapais players suspended. It was a match where Acapais football fans felt that the match was fixed by referee Gilberto.

The match really began in the 13th minute when, at the time, Al Vick Osman committed a silly foul from behind and received a yellow card. Three minutes later Brad Sample earned a yellow for a similar offence. Acapan skipper, James Fronberry, received a yellow card in the 24th minutes for a 10-yard encroachment on a free kick. What seemed confusing about this caution was “[James] was in the wall.” Despite the discipline score being three yellow cards to none, Acapais scored in from a Paroe header. James Fronberry took the free-kick with pin-point accuracy. For “sliding on his knees” the goal scorer received a yellow card for excessive celebration. The Acapais players at this point started to lose their temper. In the 38th minute, Rex Agitril was shown the red card for a bad challenge just outside the eighteen. Acapais entered the locker room at half-time a man down, a goal up, and four men sitting on yellow cards.

Stephanie Horne opted to replace the two wingers with yellow cards with defensive subs. Nick Daniels and David Franzman, making their first appearance this campaign, provided the adequate adjustment Acapais needed until Zachary McKellar was sent-off for a tackle inside the penalty area. Acapais were now down to nine men. The Daleks 2 skipper hit the penalty kick opposite O'Hare’s direction to draw the match level. A second penalty was called in the 73rd minute for a tack from Kyle Rummy, but this time the Daleks 2 captain found his kick saved and pushed wide by the goal keeper. Acapais’s personnel were reduced a third time when the referee showed red to Brad Sample for a subsequent caution. Because this foul was also in the box, Daleks 2 had a second chance to take the lead from the spot. Jose Castro was cautioned for dissent to the official after the foul was called. Tempers flared toward the referee after they saw the penalty kick hit the back of the net. Full-time hit just three minutes later when the referee refused the players any added time.

Stephanie Horne plans to “file a complaint with the WCC on this matter to make sure this referee never officiates international matches again. Our performance was a little below par, but I am fully confident that we would have won the match with a different official. Our players were afraid to put it challenges in the second half because of all the color being thrown in our direction. We would have had more chances and… that’s all, goodbye.”

The loss leaves Acapais in last place in their group with zero points. Acapais is three points away from a potential qualification spot.

Scoring:
Acapais – Henry Paroe (James Fronberry) 29
Daleks 2 – Number 8 (pen) 63
Daleks 2 – Number 8 (pen) 87

Booking:
Acapais – Al Vick Osman (caution; unsporting behavior) 13
Acapais – Bradley Sample (caution; unsporting behavior) 16
Acapais – James Fronberry (caution; did not respect 10-yards) 24
Acapais – Henry Paroe (caution; excessive celebration) 30
Acapais – Rex Agitril (sent-off; unsporting behavior) 38
Acapais – Zachary McKellar (sent-off; violent conduct) 62
Acapais – Derek Sample (caution; dissent) 66
Acapais – Kyle Rummy (caution; unsporting behavior) 73
Acapais – Bradley Sample (sent-off; subsequent caution) 85
Acapais – Jose Castro (caution; dissent) 86

Acapais Lineup:
Starters: Hunchman O'Hare (GK); Bradly Sample, Rex Agitril, Kyle Rummy, Derek Sample (Dean Chilvers 66); Zachary McKellar; Henry Paroe (David Franzman 45), Al Vick Osman (Nick Daniels 45); James Fronberry (C); Jose Castro, Dave Lugini;
Available Subs: Paul Junxton, Nick Daniels, David Franzman, Pablo, Dean Chilvers
Head Coach:Stephanie Horne

Next Match:
vs. Sel Appa
Starters: Hunchman O'Hare (GK); Nick Daniels, David Franzman, Kyle Rummy, Derek Sample; Pablo; Henry Paroe, Al Vick Osman; James Fronberry (C); Jose Castro, Dave Lugini;
Available Subs: Paul Junxton, Bobby Underland, Steve Ferrie, Benjamin Nelson, Dean Chilvers
Head Coach:Stephanie Horne
Venue (Capacity): Kushan Stadium (72,788)
Location: Port Maypearl, Kempshire
Referee: Victor Gill
http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/sel_appa.png

Injuries/Supensions:
Bradley Sample – Red Card Suspention (1 match)
Rex Agitril – Red Card Suspention (1 match)
Zachary McKellar – Red Card Suspention (1 match)

Acapais Goal Scorers:
1 – Dave Lugini
1 – James Fronberry
1 – Henry Paroe

Acapais Assists Leaders:
1 – Henry Paroe
1 – James Fronberry

Acapais Yellow Cards:
2 – Al Vick Osaman
2 – Derek Sample
2 – James Fronberry
2 – Jose Castro
1 – Bradley Sample
1 – Henry Paroe
1 – Kyle Rummy
1 – Zach McKellar

Acapais Red Cards:
1 – Bradley Sample
1 – Rex Agitril
1 – Zachary McKellar

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Acapais RP Threads
Roster Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13551336&postcount=29)

KENNETH: Krasslor - sounds like the evil planet from the Sci-Fi late movie, or maybe the guy with the chair on wrestling last night. To put together a proper match report, we at Sportscenter did our best to compile a list of things we know about last night's match. It took place somewhere in Krasslor. The teams on the pitch were Dancougar and Krasslor. We know this because we have a video of said game, and the schedule said that's what it was. But can we tell you who exactly lined up against the Black Wings? Well... your guess is as good as ours.

Fifteenth minute, tied at zero, Hideo Ikeda and Shishio Jinguuji are working the one-two, Jinguuji slips behind the last man, he shoots, he scores... or does he? Offside flag is up, look at the replay. And... but he's... yeah, offside. Minute twenty three, Krasslor gets a crack at goal, Watanabe pushes it wide. We don't know that guy's name, but he's blonde, so... he's Blondie. Remember that, he'll be back later.

Minute thirty six, with the home crowd behind them, the corner kick. Watanabe punches the outswinger away, but that's Blondie! And he sends it up into the top corner to make it 1-0, Watanabe completely out of position, and nobody picked him up. Black Wings look to respond. First half injury time, Boskov sends a cross into the box. Scramble for the ball, and Jericho Leyton pokes it home! Tied at one as the ball hits the turf, scramble to clear, but it's Leyton who ends up with it.

Wings looking to attack now, the shots come out in the second half. Here's Morimoto sending it over the bar. Ikeda takes a crack from fifteen, deflected over the goal line. Whittaker takes a shot, right of the post. Everything that went in against Cafundeu... deserting them on the turf of the mysterious Krasslor national team, which holds on for the 1-1 draw.

Steve Teebone thought enough about the game, that he taped a segment on it just for us, which we go to now.

STEVE: The inconsistency that we remember so well from World Cup 39 qualifying... is it back, or is this Krasslor team for real? The Wings maybe were a little too confident after that Cafundeu game, and when they weren't getting those breaks on offense, we saw them taking a lot of bad looks, not waiting for the right chances. They're home against Quakmybush in the next match. That, I think, will determine whether we can feel good about this team as qualifying progresses, or if that opening win was just a lucky result.

****************************************

The National Stadium sat silently awaiting its next match. And news was coming through the grapevine... a post-qualifying friendly with Southern Northland had been arranged, and that would be here. Something else to keep the fans coming through those turnstiles, but what else was under the surface...?

The night watchman was patrolling the corridors of the stadium when he spotted a red backpack sitting against a bathroom door. He rubbed his eyes and shone his flashlight on it again. There it was, plain as day. And that was unnerving. Slowly he approached, and he bent down to pick it up. But he stopped. Tick. Tick. Tick. Almost falling down backwards in his rush to get away, he ran down the hall, screaming into his radio, "B-b-b-b-bomb squad! Yes, I'm serious!"

In minutes, a team of specialists had assembled. No one outside the stadium even knew what was going on... Could it be moved? Leaving it here was not a good idea, but what were the other options? Could they unzip it to take a look? That could just as easily be the trigger, too. So they started to cut the backpack open; slowly, with a pair of scissors, the material was cut away. Then the man doing the cutting heard the ping as he hit whatever was inside. He froze. It beeped.

BANG.

The man was thrown back against a the meshed concession stand gate, the scissors embedding themselves in a popcorn machine. Everyone else was thrown to the ground by the force of the explosion, which sent confetti flying everywhere. Was this someone's idea of a sick joke? One of the squad pulled himself up and went over to the backpack. Scrawled on the tattered interior of the backpack was a message: 'We are the Hand of Han. You are not ready.'

"Get this back to the lab," he growled.

Harry Patterson hadn't seen anything quite like this since taking the job. Terror was a fact of life anymore, but in Dancougar? He thought that the state police had everything under control, but apparently, this group had slipped through the cracks. He lit a cigarette and read over the report. "Confetti in various shades of green, Hand of Han. What the hell kinda message is that?" They could report this as a counter-terrorism exercise, but what if it happened again? Someone needed to take care of it, so he reached for his phone. He dialed. "Bauer, y'there? Bauer, pick up, dammit!"

It was early morning in Helmut. Peter was sprawled out on his bed with a magazine over his face. In the next room, Russ was woken by a sharp ring. He stirred groggily and reached over to the end table and punched at his alarm clock. No wait, that sounded more like his phone. So he punched again. The lamp went flying and hit the floor with a thunk. Finally, his hand landed on the phone. He pulled it to his face, still buried in his pillow - "Mmmmrmrrrrrrrrmrrmrrrrrrhh."

"Bauer! That you, Bauer? Y'sound different!"

"Who's Bauer?" Russ mumbled. "I think you have the wrong number, this is Russ Pauli..."

Wait of course, an alias! Patterson thought. Right, he just can't go around giving his name out like that... Pauli, eh. I'll just have to go along. "Oh, did I say Bauer, I think I got the, uh, paperwork mixed up on my end," he said, trying to keep his man on the line. "Sorry, sorry. Russ, y'said? You're, uh, you're lookin' for work right now, eh?"

http://x55.xanga.com/272c720709c35171177946/q129924595.png

City Planning Firms Privatized

With all powers confided in me by the people of the state, the armed forces, and the Imperial Commission, I hereby sign the following edict into law:

The city planning and construction industries of the Pazhujeb Islands, all currently possessions of the state, shall be sold and privatized. The sum value of this sale shall be decided at a later time. Two city planning firms shall be established, and two construction companies shall be established, in order to prevent monopoly.

Further, city development and construction projects may by be contracted out to foreign corporate entities without reprimand. However, such companies will still be subject to infrastructure restrictions (bans on electricity, telephone service, et cetera).

A tax of 49% shall be levied on all contracts entered by Pazhujebi firms and companies; foreign firms and companies shall be exempt.

Acknowledging the controversial nature of this legislation, and as per the request of these newly established industries, the Imperial Commission shall make an attempt to neutralize protests to private development in cities or to expansion into so-called "green" areas. This attempt shall manifest itself in the form of a 3% percent across-the-board increase in police spending, as well as in relaxion of use-of-force restrictions to be negotiated at a later date.

Signed,

High Governor of the Pazhujeb Islands
Executive Supervisor and Spokesperson of the Pazhujebi Imperial Commission
-Pehemastia Aqhorassi

SIGNING STATEMENT

This bill was ratified by the Pazhujebi Senate in order to help stimulate an economic recovery in lieu of recovery from regime rule, and also in response to strong pressure from the industries aforementioned themselves. One of the reasons I personally am excited about the privatization of these industries because I have been assured by several of the recently appointed executives of these new firms and corporations that plans will be undertaken to build a brand new stadium for the Pazhujeb Islands national football team. I believe that ordinary citizens will be overwhelmingly supportive of such a project, and I have been assured that a dedication of such a stadium to soon-retiring national team manager Mr. Jaime Oberlander is a very real possibility.

As for the latter section of the bill, I assure citizens that they should have no fear of police in the wake of this legislation. So long as they do not indulge in inappropriate protesting, they will not be arrested or harassed. Mostly.

Match Report-

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/the_pazhujeb_islands.png Pazhujeb Islands 2
Amutarrad; Tushambanda, Lissama (Jhavaraja 78'), Idarha (Zulqadr 76'), and Rha; Parokshara (Bicharna 85'), Abadhyash, Quridheru, and Ghur; Panithaj and Vuhumkara

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/the_archregimancy.png The Archregimancy 2
(The Monastic Football Association did not release the identities of their starting eleven, but the side did make three substitutions in the 58th, 68th, and 81st minutes, and three players received cautions)

Referee: Soŋ Çaŋ-sūg (Capitalizt SLANI)

Goalscorers-
TPI: Lissama 44' (penalty), Tushambanda 70'
MFA: Anonymous Monk A 7', Anonymous Monk B 24' (penalty)

Quick Summary-

A lazy start and an incapable attack, apparently struggling due to the suspension of Chaya Vuhumkara, plagued the Islands for most of the first half against the Monks of the Archregimancy. A surprisingly athletic goal for a player wrapped in elaborate Orthodox Church robes put the Purple Sea Urchins down a goal in the seventh minute, and a shady penalty was awarded to the Archregimancy in the 24th, which was converted, and things initially looked bad for the Islands.

However, Ghur was taken down in the box from behind in the 44th minute, a monk was issued a yellow card, and Lissama tore the penalty kick past an inhibiting-robe-clad keeper. The second half slowed down considerably, but that favored the Pazhujebis, and Tushambanda collected an equalizer in the 70th minute. The 46,000 supporters at a sold-out Bengaluru Velodrome seemed relieved after the match that they had salvaged the first-half disaster and grabbed a point.

Matchday 1: Beer Served Here - Pazhujeb Islands (3-1 W)
Matchday 2: Pazhujeb Islands - The Archregimancy (@ Bengaluru Velodrome in Bengaluru) (2-2 D)
Matchday 3: Diojiu - Pazhujeb Islands
Matchday 4: Pazhujeb Islands - Kolanderaz (@ K'arasiam Sarvatobhav in Pkethat Hevnaje)
Matchday 5: Squornshelous - Pazhujeb Islands (@ Vogsphere Arena in Vogsphere)
Mid-Qualifying Friendly Match: Pazhujeb Islands - Holy Empire (@ Bengaluru Velodrome in Bengaluru)
Matchday 6: Pazhujeb Islands - Beer Served Here (@ Therakham Coliseum in Mahathu)
Matchday 7: The Archregimancy - Pazhujeb Islands (@ A Peaceful Woodland Glade in the Dreamed Realm)
Matchday 8: Pazhujeb Islands - Diojiu (@ Therakham Coliseum in Mahathu)
Matchday 9: Kolanderaz - Pazhujeb Islands
Matchday 10: Pazhujeb Islands - Squornshelous (@ Zhevassi Athletic Field in Zhevassi)
Post-Qualifying Friendly Match: Pazhujeb Islands - Starblaydia (@ Zhevassi Athletic Field in Zhevassi)

QSPNFootball.net WORLD CUP XL Coverage

MATCHDAY TWO: @ Iansisle.

For those of you that either stayed up late or woke up real early, the Iansisle-Qazox match didn't disapoint as both teams battled hard, but in the end, Qazox came out 1-0 winners, to improve to 1-0-1 on the qualifying campaign.

With both sides so evenly matched, most of the match was spent amongst the mid-fielders scrambling for every losse ball and few fouls were called, but the last foul of the game, called by Starblaydi referee, Cuvarii G'Benji allowed Qazox to get the victory, one they might not have earned.

In the 87th minute of play, while still tied at 0-0, a handball was called on an Iansisle defender, when replays clearly showed the ball hit his hip. Despite the vehement protests of both sides over the call, Qazox was awarded a penalty kick and Kallie Jaus promptly mashed it home for the lone goal.

In a seemingly unusual attempt to 'correct' the call, Qazox' Cyrus Stasinos deliberately, in the 3rd minute of injury time, picked up the ball as it just crossed into the penalty area, and was given a yellow card for the infraction. However, Iansisle's shot taker launched the ball about 5 feet over the head of Sherlene Scheppe, and the final whistle blew not much later.

Despite the unusual finish, Qazox does get its first win of the qualifiers, and sits squarely in third place, behind Az-cz and surprisingly, Green wombat. Up next for the Pheonix, is the home opener at Estadia Pika in Pika City against Scotchpineistan. Once again, this will be the first meeting between the two sides.


QAZOX SCORING:
Kallie Jaus- 2 (1 PK)
Anderson Tarricone- 1



SCHEDULE:
Friendly vs. Starblaydia L 1-2
G1: @ Az-cz (18:00 QST, Slimes Stadium) QPSN L 2-3 (0-0-1)
G2: @ Iansisle (@ Iansisle 5:45 QST) QSPN2 W 1-0 (1-0-1)
G3: vs. Scotchpineistan @ Estadia Pika, Pika City (Capacity: 78,625.) Kickoff time: 19:15 QST. QSPN
G4: @ Nethertopia @ Falcon Stadium, Nethertopia. (Capacity: 90,000) start 20:00 local time (14:30 QST) QSPN2
G5: vs. Green wombat @ Qazian Memorial Stadium, Qazox City Capacity: 98,000. Kickoff time: 20:10 QST. QSPN

Mid-qualifing break (possible friendly vs Krytenia in Starblaydia. Would be broadcast on QSPN)

G6: vs. Az-cz @ Qazian Memorial Stadium, Qazox City Capacity: 98,000. Kickoff time: 13:45 QST. QPSN (and other international broadcasts)
G7: vs. Iansisle @ SaxerDome, SaxerVilla Capacity: 85,000. Kickoff time: 19:40 QST. QSPN
G8: @ Scotchpineistan (Location and time: TBD) QSPN2
G9: vs. Nethertopia @ Chek-Via Stadium, Fromburg. Capacity: 90,000. Kickoff time: 14:50 QST. QSPN2
G10: Green wombat @ Carrier Stadium in Wachovia, Green wombat (Capacity 73,000) Kickoff time: 18:00 local (17:30 QST) QSPN

Green Wombat Daily Tattler

GREEN WOMBAT 1-Nethertopia 0

For the first ever, Green wombat starts 2-0-0 in the qualifers following a 1-0 win over Nethertopia. The lone goal came in the 15th minute off the foot, rather the head, of Eva Ibrahim, who headed home a deflected pass from Joanna Hume.


As of now here are the current Group Thirteen standings:

TEAM W-D-L Pts GF GA GD
Az-cz 2-0-0 6 6 2 +4
Green wombat 2-0-0 6 3 1 +2
Qazox 1-0-1 3 3 3 --
Nethertopia 0-1-1 1 2 3 -1
Scotchpinestan 0-1-1 1 2 5 -3
Iansisle 0-0-2 0 1 3 -2

The next match is agianst Az-cz on the road. If the Wombats can pull off a historical upset, the odds that they will advance to at least a playoff will vastly improve.

Jeruselem Government News

World Cup 40 Profile - Assistant Coach Sister Marsha

Sister Marsha of the St Mary's Catholic Girls School, is coach who lead her schoolgirl team to victory in Sel Appa for the Turtle Cup. The young Nun has no real experience on the football field, and has never been active in any sport as a player. Sister Marsha joined the sisterhood young as a teenager and wasn't of much note in her own order. Senior members of the sisterhood noticed her obsessive viewing of World Cup football, which is unusual for a Nun. When questioned about this, Sister Marsha said she wanted to be a coach.

Since there was a shortage of "football" Nuns at the school, Sister Marsha was put in charge of the girls football team. Since Sister Marsha wasn't much older than the girls she was coaching, she seems to get along well with the team and related to their personal concerns very well. While the good sister learnt her skills by observing the World Cup, she also did a lot of reading to supplement her knowledge. She once got into trouble for taking a load of "Dazza Dallas" material for her football research, but the Sisterhood allowed it as they worked out they created Dazza Dallas in the first place.

The good sister is an eloquent speaker which a good knowledge of English, Latin, French and Hebrew. While she is a quietly spoken person, she cannot be mistaken for a dumb Nun. She's an obsessive researcher, and while other Nuns shun the Internet for fear of pr0n - she fearlessly surfs the net in her relentless quest for knowledge.

Sometimes she leaves the confines of her Sisterhood into the big bad world. Dressed in the latest gear from Razzle Dazzle as just one of the many "Dazza" clones, she goes out into the bigger world to research. She can be seen at Tel Aviv Shark football matches dressed as one of the many female fans of the club.

She's not the sort of Nun who restrains her emotions during a game either. She's just like the rest of the team, riding the wave of emotion even though a Nun jumping around may seem comical. Sister Marsha is quite an attractive Nun too, with some commenting she'd be quite popular with the male population of Jeruselem if she wasn't a Nun.

Sister Marsha was born in a small village to two farmers. Her parents died when bandits attacked, but Marsha survived by hiding a pool of mud. The Catholic church took her in as an orphan and she moved to Jeruselem to the Sisterhood attached to a school. As young woman, she admires the bravery of Dallas girls to survive at the time. She draws strength God can make her a better person and even young woman without family can make in this world.

She is often seen shopping with two Sallad sisters to perfect her anonymous trips outside her normally closed world. Sister Marsha is blonde.

Prux scores 3 goals in the final 40 minutes to tie Ad'ihan 3-3. Lead by James Nobel's 2 goals and a third added by Jerusalem, Prux wiped out a 0-3 half time deficit to remain in 2nd place in the group. Ad'ihan's goals were scored by: Julian D'Abbo (17' and 29') and Steve Bryson (41').

Up next is Ruskastan. The location will be at the Manic Wrestling Classic Arena and the main event will be a Jello in a Cell Match, which favors us greatly.


Goals:
J7Y- 3
James Nobel- 2
Matt Victor Paulsen- 1
Heff Jardy- 1

Return of The Turks
2-1
In a game that was dominated by the Turks it seems unusual that they only won by one goal. The first came in the 21st minute when William-Fabro broke through their defence and slotted it home. Then next minute Serkan Turkmen missed the chance of a life time putting the ball well wide. Then dissaster struck as they equalised in the 71st minute, but straight after Sinan Kose got the decider after an untidy goal-mouth scramble.

Content?
Coach Murat gave an interview to the press saying that he was content with the win and that he would not comment on the manner of it as three points was all that was relevant. When confronted on the matter of the apparent edge they lacked he responded calmly "If there is a blunt edge anywhere I would have found it by now people should not worry about the finishing in this team." What he didn't realise was that no one mentioned the attack, this is now becoming a credibillity issue for him.

Chance to Carry form on
The Turks next game is against Legalese, who have lost their opening qualifyers away from home which will be a key factor. The Turks are needing a win at all costs if they are to avoid spiraling down to the bottom of the table and with chances of the play-off, a long shot, but within our reach if we continue to improve.

Eighthgraderistan weren't as articulate as most teams that come to Shanvley, mostly due to their youth, so Kura-Pelland expected no deep conversation; they knew they way they should spend this day, and that was destroying this kiddie opposition. They did just that, though it was hardly a destruction of Milchaman proportions as they settled for a 4-1 score.

Ironically it was Kura-Pelland's own teenagers who stood out, Liam Marling setting up two goals for Norbert Fiero and adding a third himself. A Bo Phelps header completed the rout, although a late goal from substitute striker Kevin Smythe will have annoyed the manager. Six points out of six, though, compared to zero out of six for neighbours Vephrall. And yes, Vephrall had to play Zwangzug, but they also had cupcake opposition in Uiri and lost to them too, causing the Vephrese manager to claim their national stadium was 'cursed'. "Someone phoned me up at 3am from a friend's apartment to tell me that," goalkeeper Stephen Hill said. "I couldn't believe it. I thought it was a prank call."

There were some concerns as to how the kids would cope in this environment, but they were unfounded. "They were relatively nice kids," a Shanvley Stadium staff member told NTV1. "Unlike some visitors to our dressing rooms who get drunk and slam the door - that's no way to leave this place."

Kura-Pelland... they ARE smarter than a bunch of eighth-graders. Oh sorry it's ninth now. Ze hell?

--------------

Once again there's Lloyd-Webber quotes and paraphrasings strewn throughout this little match report! TG or PM me - two more to go.

THE ROCKET REPORT

OLYMPIA READY FOR ITS HISTORIC EVENT

Olympia, Newmanistan- There are other stories going on around the world as Cup qualifying prepares to enter its third matchday. Abaio, an easy pushover during the Baptism of Fire is sitting atop Group Eight. Vephrall has yet to win. The great Naboombu Umbongo is atop Group Fourteen. All of that certainly has caught the attention of the world. But none of that matters to Newmanistan right now, and especially to the city of Olympia. When the ninth largest city in the Empire was announced as being honored with a qualification match, the city went nuts, despite the fact that they would get the “worst” seed in the group. When the schedule came out, it would be Olympia that would be able to host the first ever World Cup qualifying game in the Empire. Not Pocono City. Not Loudon. Not Dover City. Right here in Olympia. Yes, there are other more exciting and more entertaining stories out there in the World Cup, but don’t tell that to the proud residents of Olympia.

Orthodox Monks playing on a grassy knoll during the Great Lent. Whining Han complaining about BuyaGoal.com. Casari separating from the Christian Church. Hey, it’s all good. But one time, we were all here, right where Newmanistan is now. The chance to play your first ever qualification game in front of your home faithful. And Olympia, an oft overlooked city in Northwestern Newmanistan, gets a chance to be the honorary site. 77-year old Ralph Walker has lived his whole life in Olympia, following the Gladiators ever since they have been in existence. Walker told us that, “I never thought I would see the day,” when referring to Newmanistan even attempting a World Cup. “I can’t believe this. And for it to be in Olympia of all places I never thought it would happen. The young people don’t know how good they got it. When I grew up, this would never have even been thought of as a possibility.” Olympia Gladiators Booster Club president George Mackridge said that, “It’s about time that our great city gets something to be proud of, besides our breweries.” And Olympia mayor Scott Brayton? Well he too, is very excited, “For the entire Empire to be watching the first ever World Cup qualifying game for Newmanistan right here in Olympia, I hope that can first see, that we are not just a bunch of drunks.” For those not in the know, this area does have that kind of reputation, “We are passionate sports fans. We love all our sports, including the world’s football, and that will be on display. Pride and passion in both our city and for our country.”

The Rockets are opposed by Lithima. A team, that by looking at ranking alone, you have to feel good about Newmanistan’s chances of success. Lithima was demolished by Milchama. Yes, even more so then we were. But then they bounced back, and tied Kelssek, so you can’t count this club out. Lithima will have to overcome quite a bit here, though, as not only are the Rockets hungry for a victory, they will have an extra passionate home crowd backing them up.

Newmanistan right now is not in an impressive spot in the Group Eleven table. But the two most difficult games the Empire was going to have to deal with are now out of sight, and out of mind. That’s not going to matter against Lithima one bit. The fans have been accepting of the results. Now, if they fail to win against Lithima, that may change, but let’s not worry about that part of it quite yet. Brian Carson will have the team ready to go, but of course there should be no doubt of it anyway, they want to win badly. It needs to be three points when looking at it from a competitive side. But right now it’s different. Remember your first time in something important in your life? This is about the Empire’s chance to finally have the greatest game and the greatest competition in the world go to battle right here on their own soil.

Coach Kietecs whatched as the sun set beneath the ocean. He walked to the other side of the studyroom and viewed the magnificent skyline of Peregrinus city. It shined from all the lights that people were putting on at the moment. There was only one dark spot to find: The Falcon Stadium.

He liked his apartment. It was located in one of the better suburbs of the capitol. It was only his second house, though. He bought a decent bungalow in Tenderville for his manager job of Tendervill United. But when he acted as coach for the national team he used his current location.

He was supposed to be working on schedules for his national- and clubteams, but he was too distraced. They just faced the loss againt Green Wombat. It was narrow, but the Falcons didn't deserve a win. Next was the formality against Iansisle, the coach thought that it would become a decent win. He feared the match against Qazox though. They had a strong team and were standing right above his. It was one of decision matches for the Falcons.

The NA-L was also a problem. He attracted several good players like the talented Alex Parnett and Nuri Turkoglu and he was ready for the competition. They would try to reach the first place, although that seemed like an impossible task when facing the Peregrins.

"Honey, are you coming to bed?" asked his wife, Victoria.
"Yeah, in a minute!" He coudn't do anything anymore. His head wasn't too it. Being a coach is a tough life, he thought. He closed the curtains, sealing off the views from both the ocean and the city. Well, at least Soro is fully healed and doesn't have stomach problems anymore, were his last thoughts before he walked out of his studyroom, closing the door behind him.

Huz-Ig was flipping through the sports pages of the Az-cz Scroll. He had given up hope of their being any predictions for these qualifiers. The team had already played two match days and there were no sign of them. He wondered if the Scroll had just written off soccer like a lot of the country had after the disappointment of world cup 39. But when he turned to the second page of the sports page there was something he never expected to see. A picture of two robots. He looked at the caption beneath the picture and couldn't believe his eyes.

"Two robots guarding a cache of ancient weapons recalibrated to predict football scores."

He couldn't believe it. Ancient weapons weren't supposed to exist on NS-Earth. Like many Az-czzers he thought they were part of the Az-cz myth and not actually real. In fact despite the picture he didn't really believe they existed at all. Still he scanned his eyes over to the predictions page and things just didn't seem right at all.

At the top of a page was a disclaimer from the newspaper apologizing for the delays in predictions but explaining that it took significantly longer than expected to recalibrate the robots, but now they were up and running just fine. But one look at the predictions could tell you they weren't. First off the predictions were not explained at all. Secondly they were in order by number rather than by level of interest to Az-czzers and thirdly they were fucking insane.

Group 1
1 Casari 2 Daehanjeiguk 3 Jariss 4 Engbec 5 Sarejavo 6 Magnus Valerius

Group 2
1 Quakmybush 2 Dancougar 3 Cafundeu 4 Gweridijongya 5 Krasslor 6 Hopeful SC

Group 3
1 Candelaria And Marquez 2 Septentoria 3 Lovisa 4 NS Illegal Immigrants 5 East Antairees 6 Bettia

Group 4
1 The Archregimancy 2 Squornshelous 3 The Pazhujeb Islands 4 Kolanderaz 5 Beer Served Here 6 Diojiu

Group 5
1 Valanora 2 Bostopia 3 Agroprom 4 Solenial 5 Blouman Empire 6 Prazkoy

Group 6
1 Tynelia 2 Rejistania 3 Kose and the Turkomans 4 Legalese 5 Wijaska Island 6 Bazalonia

Group 7
1 Zwangzug 2 Pantocratoria 3 Yafalonia and Bazor 2 4 Lethislavania 5 Uiri 6 Vephrall

Group 8
1 Abaio 2 Dance 2 Revolution 3 Jeruselem 4 Sesquipedalianist 5 Kalmykstan 6 Novapsolu

Group 9
1 Wentland 2 Prux 3 Ruskastan 4 Ad'ihan 5 Hryvinia 6 Kiryu-shi

Group 10
1 Taeshan 2 Northern Bettia 3 Yafor 2 4 Aqua Teen Hungerland 5 Kereca 6 Fujisawan Territories

Group 11
1 Milchama 2 Kura-Pelland 3 Kelssek 4 Lithima 5 Eighthgraderstan 6 Newmanistan

Group 12
1 Sel Appa 2 The Daleks 2 3 The Holy Empire 4 Nire and Nire 5 New Cimeran 6 Acapais

Group 13
1 Green Wombat 2 Qazox 3 Nethertopia 4 Scotchpinestan 5 Iansisle 6 Az-cz

Group 14
1 Naboombu Umbongo 2 Demot 3 Aleos 4 Hopeless SC 5 UCS Jasiyun 6 Okuni

Group 15
1 UCS SLANI 2 Sorthern Northland 3 Kosovoe 4 Jeru FC 5 Terreiro de Ogum 6 Rennidan

He simply couldn't believe his eyes. Those results seemed both weirdly intuned with the results already run, and yet at the same time designed to enrage Az-czzers. Bettia, Bazalonia and Az-cz all finishing last in their group. It was bizzare. And kept getting bizzarerer. The robots predicted all the second place finishers to make the proper except for Squornshelous, who they predicted losing out to Aleos. But the weirdness kept on coming. The list of teams making the round of 16 was:

Septentoria, The Archregimancy, Bostopia, Rejistania, Pantocratoria, Abaio, Dance 2 Revolution, Prux, Taeshan, Northern Bettia, The Daleks 2, Green Wombat, Qazox, Naboombu Umbongo, Aleos, UCS SLANI

About half of those were nations that most Az-czzers had never heard of, another lot were nations they genreally disregarded, like D2R and Taeshan, and one was a nation well known to Az-czzers, but why it was being referred to as UCS Slani, was unknown to most Az-czzers who still called it Commerce Heights. And yet it continued, with a final eight of:

The Archregimancy, Abaio, Taeshan, Northern Bettia, Qazox, Naboombu Umbongo, Aleos, UCS SLANI

Three totally unknown nations, three nations well disliked by Az-czzers, Taeshan, a nation that couldn't seem to get its act together, and Qazox, a nation that had major struggles progressing forward.

The semis featured: The Archregimancy, Northern Bettia, Qazox, and UCS SLANI, which while actually a believeable finals would make Az-czzers want to throw up. The finals pitted The Archregimancy against UCS SLANI and amazingly had the Monks coming out on top.

Those predictions were just blatantly preposterous. The Monks and Qazox making the semis in the same cup. With all of Az-cz's favorite teams flaming out. Something weird was going on and Huz-Ig was going to get to the bottom of it.

“Excellent, things are already beginning to improve wouldn’t you agree Specialist Anderson?” Agent Smith said as he flipped through the morning newspaper.

“What happened now?” Anderson replied.

“It seemed our team could only muster a 3-3 draw with Rejistania. A couple decades ago that would be a huge result, now its seen as a disappointment. Bazalonia is all alone in first now. The faint hearted should already be abandoning the cause.” Smith explained.

“I don’t think they’re quite that fickle. At least the so-called fans you’re talking about. The average Tynelian on the street is probably wondering how we’ll underachieve this time around, but the nutbags will take it all in stride and prattle on about some sort of test being given by their glowing soccerball.” Anderson disagreed.

“Oh this will be just the beginning. You see I’ve been feeding our opponents detailed information about the team since I took over this assignment to maximize their chances of beating us.” Smith said calmly.

“But the president…” Anderson began before getting cut off.

“Doesn’t need to know about any of this and will happily suffer the loss of a few vinlis of income if it means completely discrediting these cultists if he thinks about it.” Smith interrupted.

“Its still not right, the players can’t be blamed for their coach’s idiocy.” Smith contended.

“Perhaps but it doesn’t matter, only the mission does. Speaking of which, why is your Agent White still on the team? Shouldn’t she have been reassigned given her poor performances to date?” Smith asked flipping to Kara Brown’s file sitting next to the paper. “She hasn’t been in the matches enough to matter and she has done little to neutralize the cultist influences on the team.”

“Well sir, Agent White was responsible for unmasking the nutbag’s hidden religious ties in her first assignment allowing us the leverage needed to remove him from the team and block his return last Cup.” Anderson stated trying to protect his people even if they weren’t strictly his anymore.

“Yes all well and good but she hasn’t done anything of note since.” Smith pointed out.

“She has been establishing her cover and has improved to the point where only a handful of people question her spot on the team. We didn’t even need to injure Michaels this time to ensure she made the team this time. In any event she is the best player in the division and adding anyone else was deemed too risky given the possible suspicions of the nutbags.” Smith explained.

“Perhaps then we will need to find better players among the agency then. If the team does well again other cultists might try out for the team and if the coach remains in his current position then he will be able to infiltrate more of his kind onto the team thus risking the spread of the cult to other nations. Already some places speak of the ‘Margaret’ character as some sort of divinity to give them luck, it is too much a coincidence to not make a possible connection there.” Smith announced.

“I looked into those regions, mostly primitive in nature with animal sacrifice and that sort of witchcraft. These nutbags are crazy but not a bunch of blood thirsty savages. Most likely due to their blatant stealing of more civilized religious foolishnesses for their own use.” Anderson said calmly.

“Sympathy for the enemy Specialist Anderson?” Smith asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Not at all Agent Smith. Just pointing out the difference among these nutbags. Some are nuttier than others but it doesn’t change the fact they’re all insane.” Anderson protested.

“Very well then Specialist Anderson. Let’s go over the latest intel to be leaked and see if we can keep these cultists from getting a firmer foothold in our great country.”

Coach Banama brought the team back to the locker room after a tough 2-1 loss to top seed Casari, carrying a spare team practice ball under his arm. While the team was disappointed, Banama knew that it was still a good effort against a tough team. Much improved over the 5-0 thrashings Az-cz hit them with last cup. Now the home opener against Daehanjeiguk which should have the home crowd fired up. His thoughts were interrupted by a pushy TV reporter who started yelling his way.

“Coach Banama! How do you feel about losing yet again to a top tier team? Don’t you think you people should go home until you learn to play better?”

Glaring at the reporter who was running to stick his microphone in Banama’s face, the Jariss coach simply took a step back, dropped the ball he was holding towards the ground and with a whiplike motion kicked the ball squarely off the forehead of the oncoming reporter who dropped like a rock as the ball bounced back to Banama. Picking the ball up he continued back to the lockeroom.

Still got the leg. The three time former WC midfielder thought quietly to himself smiling slightly as he went inside.

Sinan Kose was out in the field playing football with the locals when Coach Murat called him in. "Lads!" He began "We've it a slight hitch" the team groaned in anoyance "It seems one of you lot complain to the press!" He looked more concerned than angry "Now this has meant I will, quite possibly be sacked after the next game"
"What!" replied the team almost in unison
"Thats right" He started again "That is unless we can pull the result out of the bag." The team listened eagerly to his tactical arangements and had hoped that these would pay off, he began to employ unorthodox tactics like switching positions in mid-play to confuse the defence or to play the ball over the head of a player so that he can't reach it. It was obvious he had been playing football simulation games and the team were begining to feel sorry for the coach, in that he had finaly lost his mind. Iskender always said it would happen one day and well the team understood that his job was already lost.

But they listened and some of it made perfect sense whereas the rest seemed to be jiberish and then he sent them out on the field to play. Sinan mentioned the state of his mind to the team while they were resting and the team had generally agreed. In that they all thought of him as a father and would - as soon as the next game was played - send him to a hostipital leaving the team managerless for a short period, But that it would all eventually fall into place and while they would miss the man who set them on their paths, they all also felt it was for the best.

There were no cars on the street in front of the house. Hardly surprising, as everyone had left for work hours ago and it would be several more hours before they all returned. And those that weren't working and were otherwise out and about late this Wednesday morning would have had no reason to be anywhere near 23er Steller*, anyway. Nobody ever had a reason to be on the north side of Charsog unless they lived there. All the good stuff was down south on Highway 32.

The house itself was pretty nondescript. Smallish, looked like it was probably about twenty-five years old. Virtually no exterior decorations, save for the number 265 in large black text above the front door. The only thing even remotely remarkable about the building was that it happened to be bright orange.

If you walked inside, though, you would be able to tell immediately the religious affiliation of whoever lived there. Everything you saw would make it quite clear that the old gods (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13462334&postcount=616) were still worshipped here.

"But wait!" I hear you shout. "What the slani (Capitalizt or otherwise) does this have to do with World Cup qualifying?"

Well, due to time constraints we really can't make that clear right now. But rest assured, this nondescript, yet bright orange, house is actually very important, indeed. As is the use of as many commas in a single sentence as possible.

* 23rd Street. But you probably didn't need my translation to figure out that one...

Demot Daily ~ Nambo... who?!

Qualification has started and the Dynamo did their duty in whipping the new boys of Aleos at home four to two. With the JSY federation slipping up and getting upset on the road to 75th ranked Naboombu Umbongo, the tournament had started off on the right foot the Dynamo and their supporters. Despite letting in two cheap goals, the falir and tenacity the squad showed in front of the home supporters gave no reason as to why any punter should be concerned about the prospect of not qualifying. Afterall, when all three strikers nab a goal, and the youngest and most unproven getting a brace, things are quite well of for the tenth ranked side in the world.

Yet just as the Dynamo seemed to have their feet under them and are looking to bounce back after a poor end to their last tournament and the shocking loss in the friendly, they too are upset by Naboombu Umbongo. This relatively new nation that is in some obscure corner of the universe has now toppled the group's top two seeds, albiet both were home fixture, and have not even had the decency to sumbit a roster to the WC officials. Such travesty is not unknown to the World Cup, as many a nation submit their application, and then forget to hand in their rosters. More often than not these nations do not get victories, much less against some of the best federation in the World, and this raises many suspicions at the DFA.

The federation president, Alwers Denath, has decreed that the DFA will be reviewing the game film from Namboobu's first two matches to see if their has been any foul play. Many of the Dynamo supporters reported having racist slurs and unspeakable insults thrown at them during the game from the crowd and the oppisition, while Floorin has publicaly questioned the referee's integerity.

"I have to say that the officiaiting was piss poor. Mr. Alan O'Myre's (of Sorthern Northland) actions were not up to the standards you would expect from referee's at this level. Poor Roma had an elbow deliberately thrown at him in the thirty-eighth minute, and instead of the prepartor getting an ejection, Insaki was given a yellow for simulation despite bleeding from a gash across his forehead. Now I'm not saying the referee's lack of fair play calling allowed those goals, but it created an enviroment in which our players were not able to perform as they should be, fearing more for their safety than scoring."

Reaction from the WCC is sure to be swift, and Floorin very well could have a touchline ban or worse. Yet with the stresses of qualification this tournament, and the expectactions of the fans to live up to, Floorin had to send a statement. Whether this statement has the intended effect depends on the players, but for now, the fans in Skyhaven are calling him a hero.

Demot 4
Maria Hart (29)
Julius Rotherwell (35, 53)
Insaki Roma (81)

Aleos 2
Alma (45+, 50)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Demot 2
Insaki Roma (8, 20)

Naboombu Umbongo 3
Unknown Striker #2 (40, 43)
Unknown Striker #1 (72)

Article by Rich Baker

Inside the High Priestess Temple

The High Priestess is further teaching the ways of Elunism to the former Queen of Jeruselem when one of her priests interupts the lesson.

"Excuse me High Priestess, but I need a word with you. It is of the upmost importance."

Slowly closing the book she had been reading, The Book of Elune volume II, she sighed and had Katherine leave her precence with a wave of her hand. Once the girl had left the room, she bade the priest in, took a sip of her tea, and prepared for the worst.

"For what is of such importance that you interupt my lesson with the human? Come Delethar, why have you and your council seek my audience?"

"Well Priestess, it is about the anomoly, it has now been reported in Turbani. It's isolated still, but with it's expansion over the past few months, me and others in the council feel like this is more than just mere coincedence. We request a delegation to go out and further investigate the matter."

"What exactly are you hoping to find? I will not risk the followers of Elune on some foolish expedition Delethar, so your reasoning must be sound."

"Well milady, I believe that it is a result of our tweaking of the space-time continium. Having slowed down our timeline by half, I believe we have created a rift in the fabric of the universe. I do not think that this anomoly is magical in nature, nor is it mere coincedence that it happens soo shortly after our tampering."

A sly smile snuck upon the face of the High Priestess. She had picked out Delethar personally at the ripe age of five to become a Priest in her temple. The elf showed even then a natural affinity for understanding the complex, the foresight to see beyond what everyone else just assumed to be true. Three hundred years later, the lad was now becoming one of her most reliable agents in the Temple, and she was happy that his progression mirrored her own at that age.

"I was begining to suspect it myself. Calm yourself and your fellow council members, I have already sent two Priests and a Priestess to investigate the matter. The embarked this morning after praying to Elune for the wisdom to understand the problem and the will and ability to undo it."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Somewhere between Char Sara and Turbani

"Why me? I was about to perform a marriage ceromony for my brother, but no, the High Priestess says go save the country. What did I ever do to diserve this?"

A priestess dressed in a green komino and viel shook her head at the remark of Forci. He was still a young Priest, unlike Lethand, a much older and wiser priest whom the High Priestess had sent with her to investigate the anomoly affecting the western part of the nation.

"Calm is the mind of the wise Forci. The High Priestess choose you because of your ability, take it as a compliment. If she did not trust in your ability to handle the matter, me and Lethand would have a different companion. Do not be soo quick to rush to judgement on the High Priestess motives and actions, she is wiser than we, and her decisions should be respected."

"I will try Elwin, I will. You know her quite better than the rest of us. Afterall, the rumors do say she is training you to be the next High Priestess."

Elwin chuckled and bade her horse onward.

The National Reporter Online: News with a View
Lovisa losing game

Iain Miller writes. The Big Blues emerged victorious from a hard-fought game in Arrigo against the recent Cup of Harmony champions. The one-nil scoreline adequately reflected the overall balance of play, in which C&M dominated possession but repeatedly failed to break down the stubborn Lovisan defence. Lloyd Donnelly’s men will clearly have to perform rather better in the return fixture over in Europe, but the result – and Septentoria’s surprise one-all draw with the Illegal Immigrants – at least gives us the honour of leading a group after two matches – a distinction we share with such sporting luminaries as Abaio and Naboombu Umbongo, two countries at the back of the queue when the consonants were being handed out.

Their own success surely won’t last – certainly in the case of the latter, which appears to have ceased to exist. The government of Aleos would be advised to take care that they don’t find themselves with their own Gweridjongyagate on their hands come the visit of the esteemed Mr Spoon and his Bongos. We, meanwhile, will be surely hoping for a longer period of achievement, though the Bettians do seem to be ominously back on form with a three-one win in the East Antairees, and may be peaking at, from the Candelariasian point of view, just the wrong moment.

While all five of the opposing nations in Group 3 were strangers to our shores; C&M and Lovisa at least had previous, both in the Cup of Harmony some years ago and, more recently, the eighth Rugby World Cup. And the ninth, come to that, but we don’t talk about that… Socially too Lovisan immigration in decades past contributed much to our country – even in football, where one only need look at the former C&M left-back Doug Szczechowicz and the Albrecht FC centre-half Shane Wojciechowski. In more recent times, the cavernous economic discrepancy between our two countries has given rise to the all-too readily recognisable phenomenon of the Lovisan Lawyer; with the Candelariasian legal system in many parts of our islands revolutionised for better or worse by the arrival of these cheap, highly-skilled workers.

Plenty of these New Candelariasians were present in the Estadio Arrigo Nacional for the first meeting between the two football sides in a little over four years, and they nearly had cause to celebrate very early on when a Lovisan striker – Piotr, for the sake of argument – received the ball from, I dunno, Lech; held off Ben Young and played a clever little pass into the path of his fellow striker Pawel, I expect; but Oberon Martinez just dived far enough to turn his shot around the post.

After that initial scare the home side dominated the game, but carving out chances proved difficult. Ramiro Novo’s work ethic was impressive, the Parwood City man regularly dropping back into midfield to team-up with Alessio Montano, but his partner Ignacio Vélez was frequently forced back too, leaving the Big Blues toothless up front. The breakthrough finally came on thirty-nine with a cross from O’Sullivan Caras, the veteran wide midfielder, whose ball was controlled by José Felipe Cassumba Domingos and supplied neatly to the onambling Vélez, who kept Tomasz, in all probability, at bay and struck cleanly into the bottom right-hand corner.

Donnelly opted to make one of his changes early in the second half, hoping to catch the Lovisans cold. The team switched to a 2-3-2-1-2, with Matteo Corradini on for Montano, and Lovisa soon looked on the verge of conceding a second with only their ‘keeper – Krzysztof, maybe – keeping the scoreline at bay. Substitute Joe Cunningham had the best chance when he was played in by Cassumba Domingos, but the Albrecht FC striker continued his poor club form and blazed over the bar from barely five yards out.

C&M were on the ropes themselves towards the end, but probably-Piotr and possibly-Pawel couldn’t quite deliver the end product to stop a Candelariasian victory.

After two wins from two, most Candelariasian football fans are going to have to wait to see their team in action again, until the East Antairees ship up in Albrecht. The ongoing dispute over the treatment of Marcus Marshall, the tourist held in Akani Sands over seemingly spurious donkey-pinching allegations, has led to TV1 announcing their boycott of C&M’s game in Bettia, with most major news outlets in the Candelarias set to do the same. Instead, the afternoon of the match is expected to bring tens of thousands of protesters onto the streets across the islands, while Bettian authorities continue to farcically deny that Marshall is even held in the so-called ‘Blessed Realm’.

It was a mixed day for the other Candelariasians in World Cup action. The Khatib-born striker Lee Waywide was involved as Sorthern Northland took a five-three win against Jeru FC, while Trevor Organ’s Hopeless SC held Jasiyun to a two-all draw at home. Andrés Toluca and Ted Garrido were both in action meanwhile, but Vallender Harvey was ‘rested’ following a week that included a bizarre performance in Rennidan for which he received a severe booting from the Sorthern acting manager, and a CMSC game in which he failed to grant Djabgor Cvecej, the Arrigo Portuguese forward, a stonewall penalty. The Heuva’s Kura-Pellandi manager Matthew Tortini has since called for a full investigation into Harvey’s conduct.

World Cup 40 Qualification Group 3 Game
@ Estadio Arrigo Nacional, Arrigo, Marquez

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/candelaria_and_marquez.png Candelaria And Marquez 1
I. Vélez 39

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/lovisa.png Lovisa 0

________________

I sought Jehovah, and he answered me, And delivered me from all my fears.
Psalms 34:4

Angie Green slinked down the stairs as silently as she could manage, her right slipper hovering over every step momentarily as though trying to ascertain from a foot-based sixth sense if there was some small toy or item of clothing or discarded crisp packet beneath that could give away her presence.

God… Why didn’t they have a phone up there, for God’s sake?! This was the age of the mobile! They were still bloody expensive to make calls on, of course. That was C&M for you. Info-tech capital of Rushmore, but your ordinary Candelariasians didn’t get to see much of the benefits. The Robinsons next door were wap-enabled and everything, but that was pretty damn unusual, even out here in the burbs. But you had to have a mobile, surely? Everyone had a mobile.

Except that for the Greens money had been tight since Luke had… since the Hurricane; and so even the boys were on the strictest promise to only use their mobiles in the direst of emergencies. And so was she. She’d been very clear about that. You had to set the right example. Except… Well, it hadn’t been her fault! Oliver had been hogging the line for ages, even if it was for homework, and she’d just needed to talk to someone about Will. Wasn’t as though there were any sympathetic ears out here. So she’d taken the phone downstairs and then she’d forgotten to take it back up when they’d gone to bed, and the boys’ ones were in their school bags, which were hanging over the newel at the bottom of the stairs… The landline phone sat on the hall table as ever.

Or… No. There was only one bag there. Which meant that one of the boys had left theirs in their room. Which meant that one of them still had a phone. Which… But no. She couldn’t wake them. They’d know something was wrong, and the last thing they needed right now was a fright like that. And, well. Chances are this was just a false alarm, and then she’d’ve woken them up for nothing.

Yeah. Just a false alarm, then. Had to be. She shimmied down another couple of stairs. False alarm. Besides, suburban Clotaire had a better class of burglar. They’d have cased the joint proper, or whatever it was such people did, and realised that compared to the Robinsons at any rate the Greens really didn’t have anything worth nicking. But… Well, if they were burglars, then why the hell were they making that noise? That plopping, slopping, like beating eggs.

Angie reached the floor, inched across the hall to the landline and picked up the receiver with an ear-splitting clunk. It didn’t beep, did it, when you dialled? Even if it was just 000, they wouldn’t hear that, would they?

They’d stopped though. The noise had stopped. They’d heard her. So where they hell were they? The kitchen door was open. Just a crack, but it was open. And it hadn’t been before. Had it?

She’d never know why she did it, but she just couldn’t take this any more. Nobody burgled these days anyway, did they? C&M had the lowest crime rates in the region, near enough. Everyone had cameras, even the Greens had cameras. And so she place the receiver flat on the little table and, baseball bat in her right hand, edged towards the kitchen door and pushed.

It was as dark as Coleman Mustard, which was to say disappointingly light. Her eyes still took a second to adjust, but within the barest moments she was staring into colourless face of her eldest son. He was wearing a pinny.

“Billy…” Angie whispered. “It’s half two in the morning. Nothing happens at half two in the morning. What are you doing?”

“Hi mum. I’m baking you a cake.”

“William… It’s half past two in the morning! Why are you baking me a cake? In the dark? On a school night?”

“It’s a nut cake,” he replied, by way of an explanation.

“Ah, right. Well, that explains that then.” No. Don’t use sarcasm on the boy. That’s not going to achieve anything. “Will–”

“You see, you have to preheat the oven to one hundred and seventy five degrees centigrade and then I greased this baking tin and then I mixed four hundred grams of white sugar, two hundred and fifty grams of flour, thirty grams of chopped walnuts and a pinch of baking soda, then I –”

“Will, I –”

“…both eggs, a can of crushed pineapple and two teaspoons of vanilla extract, I’m sorry if I waked you but you’ve got to mix it up by hand, you see, else you get too much air in there and the whole thing’s liable to collapse, and now I’m going to pou–”

“William, I DON’T CARE! Wh–”

“I’m going to make the icing, if you… Uh…”

“Will?”

“I… Agh… AAAAGH!”

Angie rushed forwards just in time to stop her son hitting his head on the kitchen floor. His face looked so old, all of a sudden, lying there in her lap.

“OLIVER!” she screamed, in the vain hope William’s brother would hear her from his room. “OLLIE!”

“It’s all right... I’m al… alright. Honessss…”

“Just… Just shh, Billy. I’m just going to go and phone for an ambulance, and th–”

“I don’t want to b… be a bother, mum… Really. I tr… aagh… I trust in the Lord. He forgives all of us, y’know…”

“Just… Try not to talk, Billy, I…”

“Mm…”

Angela Green clasped her fingers around the phone and shakily dialled nought-nought-nought, the Candelariasian emergency services number, whilst all the time knowing that it was all far, far too late. She made the call anyway, and thus failed to notice the bleating.

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

WORLD CUP TONIGHT

With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated

"So, Fr. John - is the Lord our God testing us this Lenten season?"

"I don't know about that, Fr. Nicholas.... The glorious news of the Casaran hiearchy's mass-conversion to Orthodoxy in the middle of Great Lent is surely joyous news! It hardly compares to being afflicted with boils, having your children and livestock slaughtered, and then being taunted by your so-called friends, does it?"

"Granted, Fr. John - but as joyous as this news is, our football team aren't doing quite so well, are they?"

"Ah. No."

"Because...."

"Because the Lord our God so wills that this must come to pass, and us poor unworthy worms of monk-wretches must simply accept His will. However frustrating it may initially appear."

"But a loss against, errr, Kolanderaz..."

"Who?"

"Precisely, Fr. John. A loss against Kolanderaz, followed by a 2-2 draw with the Pazhujeb Islands after we held a 2-0 lead.... Well, isn't that just a little bit embarrassing, especially given the debacle over the non-conversion of the Pazhujebis in the last World Cup?"

"Embarrassing? Of course not, Fr. Nicholas! Why, this is surely the very essence of Monastic and Christian charity! The first shall be last, the last shall be first, the meek shall inherit the earth, it is easier for Kolanderaz to qualify for the World Cup than it is for a monastic football squad to pass through a portal to Ordinary Reality - though I concede the latter quote may not be entirely scripture."

"But the basic idea no doubt holds, Fr. John. So where from here?"

"Well, our next match is at home against Sqournshelous, the top-ranked team in the group..."

"And following your 'first shall be last theory', we shall no doubt emerge the victors."

"Hardly Fr. Nicholas. I expect us to get roundly thrashed. Winning against superior opposition would be unseemly during Great Lent. Quite un-Christian, and certainly unorthodox, though not perhaps un-Orthodox"

"Which means?"

"Which means we'll finish the first three qualifiers with only one or two points, and struggle to even make the playoffs. But the Lord's will be done."

"In Ordinary Reality as it is in heaven. Indeed, Fr. John... Indeed."

TWO SONNETS ON THE EMPIRE'S VICTORY OVER NEW CIMERAN

O truant Muse what shall be thy amends
For thy neglect of truth in beauty dyed?
Both truth and beauty on this score depends;
So dost thou too, and therein dignified.
Make answer Muse: wilt thou not haply say,
Our Empire needs a victory true fixed;
A win to celebrate, a score to praise;
New Cimeran be overcome, if never intermixed?
Because our squad must win, wilt thou be dumb?
Excuse not silence so, for't lies in thee
To make them much outlive their gilded tomb
And to be praised of ages yet to be.
Then do thy office, Muse; I teach thee how
To make them play, tonight, as they play now.

Alack! what poverty my Muse brings forth,
That having such a scope to show her pride,
The seven-two score must be of true worth
And needs not now my added praise beside!
O! blame me not, if I no more can write!
Look in your glass, and there appears a face
That over-goes my blunt invention quite,
Dulling my lines, and doing me disgrace.
Were it not sinful then, striving to mend,
To mar the subject that before was well?
For to no other pass my verses tend
Than of Belmowitz's gifts to tell;
And more, much more, than in my verse can sit,
When he scores sev'n 'gainst a defence most shit.

OLHO NO LANCE! YOUR SPORTS MAGAZINE!
$PECIAL $ECTION

WORLD CUP 40 QUALIFIERS COVERAGE - WITH GLOBO MULTIMEDIA
Written by Sílvio Ruiz, with comments from TV made by Breno Gavião

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TIME MOSTRA FORÇA EM JOGO FÁCIL

THE FIRST HALF: after the surprising loss in the game against Dancougar, Cafundéu travelled to Hopeful SC, a country as unknown as Rome, the place where the Pope Linus V lives (who, by the way, said that there are no crusades being made against Casari… at the moment). But the Monopolists knew that they couldn’t underestimate the opponents, or they could lose the game as they lost the one against Dancougar. Using an offensive strategy, Cafundéu suffered a goal in the first minutes of the game. Moisés was drinking water when a player shot from the midfield and scored the goal.

No one was expecting this, especially Moisés, who felt very guilty. So, he decided to reply creating the play that ended in the first goal of Cafundéu in the game. He took a goal kick and sent the ball directly to the attack. Careca controlled it and made a fast pass to Moreira, who invaded the area and shot with strength to score the goal. After scoring the goal, Cafundéu continued attacking, but had some problems to overcome Hopeful SC’s defence. The second goal only came when Da Silva made a magnificent pass to Flecha, who invaded the area, dribbled the goalkeeper and shot to score the goal. In the last minute of the first half, Augusto César scored from a long ranged shot.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 1 (Hopeful SC’s first goal): “Flecha rrrrreceives the ball in the attack, goes for the drrrrrribble... loses the ball, the firrrrrrst missed opportunity of the game. Now Hopeful SC is with the ball, the midfielder is with it... he shoots the ball dirrrrrectly to the goal... and it’s a goal! Moisés was drrrrrrinking his gallon of water, couldn’t save! Goal of Hopeful SC! Now Hopeful SC one, Cafundéu zerrrrro! Books, notebooks, papers... everrrrryone has these things. And the best place to buy them is in Livrrrrrarrrrrias Peixoto, located in the hearrrrrt of Cafundó do Juta!”

THE SECOND HALF: when the teams returned to play in the second half, Cafundéu had a good advantage. The only change made by Meback was to put Saulo in Careca’s place, but without any good reason. Later, it was discovered that it was pure intuition, and an exact one. Cafundéu continued attacking in the second half, and Hopeful SC was unable even to shot to the goal. Although the Monopolists weren’t desperate about scoring more goals, they wanted it. And Saulo brought the goals. He received the ball from Marcelinho and headed to score his first goal.

The second came many minutes later. Giovanni was fouled near the entrance of the area. Moreira took the free kick, the goalkeeper made an excellent save, but Saulo appeared inside the smallest area to send the ball to the goal. After that, the game was decided. Cafundéu only had to wait for the end of the game to commemorate the three points. Hopeful SC didn’t have any chance to win, but they worked hard to score two goals in the last minutes of the games. Nothing that changed the result. Victory for Cafundéu.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 2 (Saulo’s second goal): “Vital with a verrrrry nice pass to Giovanni in the offensive midfield. The player contrrrrrrols the ball, drrrrribbles an opponent! Good move! Now continues going to the attack with the ball, will drrrrrribble another! Foul! Giovanni was fouled! (...) Moreira and Marrrrrrcelinho rrrrrready to take the frrrrrree kick, it’s Marrrrrrcelinho that will take it... wonderrrrrrful save, Saulo in the rrrrrebound... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! See the rrrrreplay with me! Saulo, number eleven! Cafundéu five, Hopeful SC one! Do you think about your futurrrrrre? You should. So let’s starrrrrrt thinking about the place wherrrrre you’ll live for eterrrrrnity! Buy one of our exclusive Dasluxo coffins today!”

CURIOUS MOMENTS: another exciting game, with the difference that this time the positive result was for Cafundéu, not for the opponent. Good. In this game, the most curious fact is related with the supporters. Not the Cafundelense ones, as everyone knows how they act on the stands. But the Hopeful SC ones. Before the game, they were commenting that they would easily defeat Cafundéu. During the game, said that the team could easily overcome the disadvantage of two, three and later four goals of difference. When the game ended, they said that they could win the remaining games. They’re very hopeful indeed.

JORGE LANG - INTERVIEWS: finally, three points. They didn’t came in the first game, but it was good to see them coming in the second game, a game that we couldn’t afford to not win. So, the coach Caio Meback was satisfied with the result, and said: “This victory will be important for us, as it is the start of our successful campaign in the World Cup. Forget the game against Dancougar, this team has a bright future, our supporters can be sure of it.” The midfielder Moreira, who had a good performance, said: “The qualifiers aren’t an easy competition. We will have difficult games, but we need to keep our concentration. Cafundéu has talent and we’ll show this.”


HOPEFUL SC 3x5 CAFUNDÉU

Place: somewhere.
Attendance: not available to us… and probably to no one.
Referee: Ernest Sodeghin (Sorthern Northland).
MOTM: Moreira (Cafundéu).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/hopeful_sc.png HOPEFUL SC: no team released.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Moisés; Vital, Augusto César, Alex and Souza; Silveira, Da Silva (Jorginho 70’), Marcelinho (Giovanni 70’) and Moreira; Flecha and Careca (Saulo 45’).
Coach: Caio Meback.

Goals:HSC: someone 2’ , a person 85’ , football player 93’.
CAF: Moreira 9’ , Flecha 38’ , Augusto César 45’+ , Saulo 63’/81’.

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Cafundéu – formation for the game against Krasslor: Moisés; Marcelo Rocha, Augusto César, Alex and Souza; Silveira, Da Silva, Marcelinho and Moreira; Flecha and Saulo.
Coach: Caio Meback.
Style of +3

Match’s Referee: Mika Jaasklainen (Squornshelous).

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WC Goalscorers:

3- Flecha
2- Saulo
1- Marcelinho, Moreira, Augusto César

TWO GAMES, JUST ONE POINT BROUGHT BY THE ORIXÁS

"E Olorum disse ao povo: as eliminatórias da copa são um desafio que não pode e não deve ser vencido apenas pelos orixás. É necessária uma mobilização de nossa espiritualidade, juntamente com nosso físico, para um balanço completo. Levará tempo para Terreiro de Ogum aprender essa lição"

And Olorum's message sent using the mouth of the pai-de-santo Pai Gilberto de Gil is true. The World Cup qualifiers is an event that can't be won just by using the strength of the orixás and the spiritual help brought by the Umbanda rituals. No, we need more than that. We need to use our bodies and our souls together, in harmony. This way we'll be able to use our full capacity, and enjoy all the benefits that the help of the orixás can bring to us. This isn't an easy mission. In the first two games played by Terreiro de Ogum, just one point, brought thanks to our beloved orixá Iemanjá!

And this one point is a special one. Terreiro de Ogum won this point by conquering a draw in the game against Jeru FC, the defending champions of the Cup of Harmony. Thanks to the ability of Bibah and of the smart moves of Pai Berto and Tramóia, we were able to get this beloved result. And, of course, we have to mention the spiritual help that came with the rituals made before the game. They brought Iemanjá to help the team, and she gave us the force to succeed.

In the second game, even the help from the orixás wasn't sufficient. But that's understandable. The game was against the currently best country of the world in football, Capitalizt SLANI. Even the representatives of the god Olorun couldn't help our team to avoid the loss. Ogum and Xangô even tried to guide our players to a positive result, but were unable to do so.

And what about our future? According to the búzios, Terreiro de Ogum will face many difficulties before having success in this competition. The orixás will help us to earn important points, but we need also to improve the quality of our football. But we are not worried. We have spiritual strength, something that many others don't have.

And talking about this, what's the spiritual strength of Jeru FC and Capitalizt SLANI? According to our beloved leader Pai Alcir de Macaé: "Jeru FC has a good spirituality, I can sense this. The orixás are very close to them, they just need to open their eyes and accept their influence in their lives. But the situation of Capitalizt SLANI is completely different. Their spirituality is obscure, it left them when they decided to give more value to the physical things, not to the spiritual ones. It's sad."

The Critically Unaclaimed Newspaper
Knights Defeat Kerecans

Turn on yout Tivo sportsfans, because th Purple Knights of Taeshan are Red Hotand undefeated in there fourth world cup competition.
Little is known about the small country of Kereca, but apparently they have a soccer team, so w ended up having to play them. Well anyways they apparently are good enough to scare the fans in a close game yesterday.
On yet another great day for a Futbal match the sun was shining, the fans were cheering, and the players sung to there national anthems.
Well the Tae team go the ball first on the kickoff, and drove the ball down the field through the Kerec D, and thrived to score, but they were thwarted by the Kerecan goalie.
The game was slow until the secon half from then on. The purple knights middie Brian Ying Uing made a spectacular steal from a Kerecan attacker and drove down the field and scored his second goal of the cup campaign.
The knights would win the match 1-0, and took the lead in group ten of the world cup qualification groupings.

Mixed Results
Kerecans earn draw in opening match, lose a close one in Taeshan

It was sure to be a historic day in Aqua Teen Hungerland. Not only was the home team competing in their first World Cup match, but our own national team took on an international side for the first time. The Kereca national team traveled to Aqua Teen Hungerland to play their Group Ten rivals on what was a cloudy and cool day. The first match for each team was also an opportunity to set the tone for the rest of qualifying. Ultimately, the Kerecans needed a late goal to earn their first point in team history.

Aqua Teen Hungerland dominated the first half, obviously fueled by their rabid home fans. Our boys in blue-and-green could barely contain their opposition early on, nearly conceding a goal when a decent shot sailed over the crossbar in the 8th minute. Aqua Teen Hungerland continued their offensive attack and notched the first goal of the match 27 minutes in. An unnamed opposing midfielder broke through the defense following a throw-in and chipped a shot past GK Jeremy McNulty to put Kereca in a 1-nil hole. In the 43rd minute, the squad dug that hole even deeper when MF Bruce Albin was booked for a mistimed tackle on an ATH striker. Albin emphatically pleaded his case to the referee, but it was to no avail, and Albin will go down in history as the first KNT player to earn a yellow card. The team entered the break down 1-nil.

Not too long into the second half, Kereca began to turn the tables on their foreign opponents. Kereca dominated the midfield battle, creating a number of opportunities but were unable to score the equalizer until the 74th minute. After a poor challenge by an Aqua Teen Hungerland defender, MF Curt O’Rourke was awarded a free kick about twenty-five yards out. O’Rourke was unfazed by the jeering ATH supporters, and curved his shot over the opposing wall and just inside the left post. Both sides seemed to be content with a draw, and neither put up many offensive attacks following the equalizing goal. The match would end a draw, 1-1.

The Kereca Times apologizes for being unable to obtain a full report of the Kereca National Team at Taeshan World Cup Qualifying match. However, according to sources, Taeshan prevailed in the match 1-nil. The team returns home to Kereca this week to face Fujisawan Territories at Wise Field, in the KNT’s first ever home international. The Kereca Times will continue their detailed coverage of World Cup 40 following Kereca’s first home game.

Kereca - 1
Aqua Teen Hungerland - 1

Goal: Unknown 27’
Yellow Card: Bruce Albin 43’
Goal: Curt O’Rourke 74’

Kereca - 0
Taeshan - 1

Goal: Brian Ying Uing ??’

The Bassabook Baritone
We think we're clever

Kite flies high, but Zwangzug wins

If the national football team's first World Cup 40 qualifying match got off to a quick start, the second did even more so. No sooner had Bazorite Peter Pumpkin-eater won the kickoff at (or around) home than he passed to Miso Kite.

Some players jump to get above their opponents (or try to, anyhow-nothing Phillip Stings can do is going to make him taller than Harry Delany, but the former scored anyhow). Kite did one better-he omitted the "coming right back down" part. Soaring over the midfield, he landed on the other side of the Zwangzug defense and scored easily.

The defense quickly regrouped, setting into a constant rotational pattern. When Kite tried going even higher, he lost control of the ball: Eddie Barnes came up with it and set up Peter Vanderpent for the tying goal.

Zwangzug would retake the lead early in the second half: Graham Noh'arms jumped in an odd direction to block Gary Maini's timid shot, but it was out of his admittedly short reach. Stings' goal made it 3-1, but the FAIL team would score once more. Frederick Hammerstead's impressive dive won the ball away from Steven Ruck; Hammerstead passed to Racheal Kneal who shot, scored, and celebrated with unbecoming enthusiasm. 3-2, however, would stay the final scoreline.

Zwangzug is the only team with a perfect record in Group Seven: second seeds Vephrall are improbably in last place, while the four other teams have three points each.

"And now on Surge FM, Sports Saturday."

...a few hours later...

"And that's the international roundup, (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13578092&postcount=6) now onto the Disgusting Orange Substance League..."

http://www.beningradmorningstar.sn/military/recreation/sport (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A7kE1Vte2iM)

The Beningrad Morning Star

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/sorthern_northland.png Sorthern Northland 0 (Casualties) Jeru FC 0 (Casualties) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/jeru_fc.png

Eight goals were scored in today battle between the Sorthern Northland Military Junta football squadron and the Jeru FC Army team but the most remarkable stat is perhaps that there were no casualties. A sign of the incompetence of both armies if ever there was one.

The army boys of Jeruselem certainly came to Beningrad with some sneaky plans, initially pretending to be here to play football. This initial plan seemed to foil the Sorthern side as Private Grunden January twice braved the minefield in the middle of the pitch to charge into the SN half and score twice in the first few minutes and obviously giving Jeru FC an early lead. After that though he played with all the style and substance of a Grundon bin.

The Sortherners though had a sneaky plan to get themselves back into the game though. So sneaky in fact that I nor they have any idea what it was so quite likely they didn't use it. They did however score through Feng Shui, (playing in place of Ben O'Bagels who is on a boat somewhere in Starblaydia). The winger was tripped outside the box by Private Unkt Bafal who was court martialed by the military ref in charge of the game (incidentally Bafal was also arrested by Sorthern police after the game after running down twenty-six members of the public after driving down a footpath at 28 kilometre per hour). Feng got himself up and using a smoke grenade to obscure the keepers vision curled the free-kick into the goal.

Sorthern Northland then got the equaliser a few minutes later when, Roy Kin, Eddie O'Donnovon and Gregory Pinoc ambushed the Jeru keeper Private James Honky from behind allowing Kim Min-Kim an open goal to score in.

The Jeru lads though managed to go ahead once more before the half was over though Private William Deckstra who oddly was wearing a strange collection of lingerie managed to gag Jonny Sage in the Sorthern goal allowing Corporal Sheik Yeisles to score. The Corporal celebrated his goal by kicking both Sage and Deckstra in the head. An act for which Major General Dick O'Reilly waterboarded him.

The second half then saw tensions escalate as the Sortherners attempted an invasion of the Jeru FC dressing room and for the second half bought out a series of mortars with which they bombarded the goal, injuring the keeper in the process. The injury obviously didn't help and the Sortherners were quick to take advantage of it with Roy Kin occasionally stopping the mortar attacks and venturing down the pitch to have a shot at goal. He did this on three seperate occasions to grab a hat-trick and take his team to a 5-3 win.

Since the military coup the team has scored five goal in all three games and they will look to keep that record as they take their trail of destruction to Kosovoe for their next game.

----
Scorers:

SN: Feng Shui (1), Kim Min-Kim (1), Roy Kin (3)
Jeru FC: Private Grunden January (2), Corporal Sheik Yeisles (1)

Schedule
W Newmanistan (Crosscom Global Arena, Hoji, Iwosaka) (KLVE channel 8)
L @ Taeshan
L vs. Northern Bettia (Stadia Carribeana, Toyokachi, Akihiro) (KLVE channel 8)
@ Kereca
vs. Yafor 2 (Territorial Navy Park Plaza, Asneel, Sapsaki) (KLVE channel 8)
@ Aqua Teen Hungerland
vs. Taeshan (Crosscom Global Arena, Hoji, Iwosaka) (KSTR channel 5)
@ Northern Bettia
vs. Kereca (Plantation Stadium, Iwanoko, Jokata) (KLVE channel 8)
@ Yafor 2
vs. Aqua Teen Hungerland (Epigram Colosseum, Kawashi, Okazaki) (KIWO channel 2)

CHANNEL 8 KLVE NEWS

From Hoji, live and late breaking news from your neighborhood and all around the world, KLVE Channel 8 news live at Ten.

Toshihito Idane: Turning to sports news now, there was disappointment to start off World Cup qualifying, as the first two matches ended up in losses. Channel 8 KLVE’s Kammie Okabe is live in Akihiro. Kammie?

Kammie Okabe: The Territories had seemed ready to go before World Cup 40 qualifying. They had a new assistant head coach that had taken the Fujisawan Territories Under 21 team all the way to the title game against Newmanistan, in Starblaydia just about a year ago, and three new faces from that team in Sakura Jo, Ginko Kawaii, and Toshio Ichimonji. There was a lot of confidence too, but all that faded away after the first two games.

The Territories first lost in Taeshan at Atlantea Colosseum 1-0, then lost their home opener at Stadia Carribeana behind me here in Toyokachi, on the island of Akihiro, by a score of 5-1.

I sat down earlier in the day with head coach Stephen Distefano and asked him what has gone so wrong so early.

Stephen Distefano: I think we were all around outperformed by Northern Bettia in our game here in Akihiro. I know that we don’t have the spirit that the Di Bradini Cup team had. But I had the unique opportunity to travel with the Di Bradini team to Starblaydia because my daughter Deanna was on the team, so I had the chance to see how Jotaro [Komine] ran his team, and I learned a whole new angle of coaching. The learning curve with his style is steep, but Jotaro knows what he’s doing, and I think this team benefits from that.

KO: Is it harder to implement coach Komine’s coaching strategies than say what you’ve run with the universities you’ve worked with?

SD: Oh yes, by far. He’s like the Einstein of Territorial zeokit. He’s got this brilliant coaching ability and he’s a really personal coach. He gets to really know his players inside and out so that they put their trust in him, and then he makes them feel invincible. It’s absolutely amazing. It’s unfortunate that Vajiron [Yamutsa] was fired, but in the end, having Jotaro as a replacement really boosts this team.

KO: So give us a run down real quick of the team.

SD: Well at goalkeeper, you’ve got Sakura Jo. She is starting after a tremendous performance in the Di Bradini Cup. My fear is that people are going to cry ‘overrated’ because it’s a big leap from the Di Bradini Cup to the World Cup, especially when you’re deaf, and she might struggle a bit more. In the end, she has solid skill and freakish vision, but I don’t blame her any for the loss against Northern Bettia.

At defender, we have Keiko Shi and Kiyotada Satoh returning from World Cup 39. Atsumori Tori’i is a very talented up and comer, and he is a much needed addition to the Territorial D.

As for midfielders, Hirokazu Reizei is back, and he’s also one of three Fujisawans to play abroad. He plays for Albrecht Turkish FC in Candelaria and Marquez. Ginko Kawaii is a star from the Di Bradini Cup team that made it to the finals, and although she’s quite injury prone is a welcome addition to our team. We’re also lucky to have Kinuko Ienari, who is the daughter of Prime Minister Sanami Ienari. Kinuko is a UH standout and we welcome the Ienari family to the World Cup experience.

And the forwards, well Nobomitsu [Sataka], Izukoza [Yoko], and Zenki [Sakurai] are back. Nobomitsu has been playing for São José in Cafundéu, and Sharena Yoshifumi is the fourth forward. She will participate in only this World Cup and none further after missing World Cup 39 due to injury.

KO: Thoughts on the away game at Kereca?

SD: I think we’ve got to gel as a team. It sounds cliche yes, but Jotaro knows that’s the key to winning and he’s going to do some team building exercises, and hopefully, we can bring back the confidence against Kereca. I have confidence in my team, but it all comes down to execution.

[back outside Stadia Carribeana]

KO: Tonight, many Territorial fans are wondering if maybe, just maybe, another Territorial team can use their first losses as motivation to win, win, win. As I stand here with Stadia Carribeana behind me, I can’t help but think that coach Distefano and Coach Komine just might be able to get the ship turned around. Live in Akihiro, Kammie Okabe.

The Isangrad Times
The Boyars Whip Sarejavo In Tight Match

Valerian Emperor Denounces Daehanjeiguk's Claim of Valerian Overemphasis on Religion as False

After a rather devastating 2-0 loss to Han Zemloy (Daehanjeiguk), the Valerians were with no wins so far after two matchdays. With a very narrow loss to Jariss and a less-than-narrow loss to Han Zemloy, the Valerian Boyars needed a win to climb the ranks of their group and keep in good standing. After all, the toughest members of the group are Casari and Han Zemloy - the others can be easily matched by the Valerian Boyars. That is why today, the Valerian Boyars have delivered The Empire a much-needed win over Sarejavo.

The Boyars went away for this match to Sarejavo, a presumably Slavic nation due to its allusion to Sarajevo, Bosnia. Many Valerians were wondering if this nation was populated by Bosniaks, and of course, somewhat reviled Mohammedans. But the National Team wasn't there to take demographics or do an anthropological study on this unknown foreign nation - they were there to play football.

The Valerians started off strong, in their quick offensive style established by George Illyanich's own experience as an offensive spearhead. Max von Hohenstauffen, flanked by Basileios Psellios-Tsushima and Shapur Kemerhadi, made for a quick offensive play in the first fifteen minutes of the game. The fruit of their labors in keeping the pressure on the Sarejavite defense was earned when Kemerhadi made a swift goal at the 17th minute. The Sarejavites countered by blatantly sending one of their strikers into Valerian turf. He made a goal at the 23rd and then flagrantly punched Kemerhadi in the face who tried to give a friendly high-five to the player. This unnamed player was sent out with a red card. Petros Leontios went in for Kemerhadi, who left the field for the rest of the half to get his bleeding nose taken care of and checked to make sure it was not broken.

Fueled with anger, the Valerians bit back at the Sarejavite team. For the rest of the half, all Sarejavite attempts at the goal were refused bitterly by the Valerian defense, namely Dimitri Kim, who rejected all shots coming at him in the goal if they got past the Valerian defensive line. And, topping it off, the Valerian offense made some sweet footwork on Sarejavite turf, ensuring that Psellios-Tsushima made a goal at the 39th. Afterwards, he smiled and muttered some Greek and Japanese slurs under his breath - which caught the attention of the refs. He was given a yellow card as a warning for his rather crude language. "Never knew they would know Greek and Japanese here!" exclaimed P-T after the game.

The second half began with nothing but defense. However, as soon as a Sarejavite team player made a goal at the 64th, it was on for the Valerians to break the tie and come home with a win. This was accomplished at the 87th, by the super-star Maximilian von Hohenstauffen with a graceful finish. The Valerians came home with a close win, the first of WC40!

-----

In response to Han Zemloy's statement on Valerians and their supposed obsession with religion, H.I.M. Emperor Ivan V responded, "There is a distinct separation of Church and State here in the Valerian Empire. Ever since the reign of my ancestor Ivan I Veliky starting back in 1615, the Valerian Orthodox was forbidden to directly be involved with the state or in politics of any kind after they had sentenced an emperor to death on false charges (all for political gain) and had proclaimed that his dynasty had lost the Mandate of Heaven - that unlucky emperor was Archibald V (1566) of the foreign Cambridge Dynasty, and his death initiated the decline of the early Valerian Empire that was only halted and reversed by Ivan I and his successors. After the Valerian Orthodox's Church's constant meddling in politics and after it has tried to play King-maker more than once, Ivan I was prudent enough to have the patriarch at the time poisoned and replaced, and made sweeping reforms to prevent the Church from ever again destabilizing the Empire. We are indeed a pious nation, but to an extent that we do not let the church meddle in our state affairs."

In other news, Ivan V is glad to hear that Fr. Aleksey the Hegumen and Fr. Isan the Polyglot are still serving on the squad of our Orthodox Brothers and Friends In Christ, The Archregimancy...

(OOC: Of course, what Ivan V does not mention is that the Valerian Orthodox Church had killed his father, Emperor Alexander III, in a conspiracy to have him succeed as emperor. :D)

Goalscorers:
Kemerhadi, Psellios-Tsushima, von Hohenstauffen - 1

"You blundering idiots! I told you to loosen the studs on the OTHEER TEAM'S football boots... uh, high Johnny." The Mob boss said as Johnny Kelly, previously known as Johnny Dangerously entered the room.

"Yeah, I don't really know what happened to our boots, I thought I had checked mine a couple of hours ago. I mean Leaving studs in the field is not good. It put us off our game for the entire match. "The Tynelians took advantage too I mean scoring 4 goals, But I suppose it's just an example of how good out team was that we still managed 2 goals of our own."

"Yeah, well I feel for you Johnny... Do you have any idea why it happened?"

"No idea I think it's because the inside lining of the bag got wrapped with the studs and loosened them."

"well, that makes sense... Doesn't it boys."

"Uh..oh, yes, that makes alot of sense."

"Yes, Boss it does.."

The NationStates Inquisition: Yafalonia & Bazor 2

Now Free from the UN AND the WA

All over Yafalonia, Ampersand and Bazor 2 people want to move. I know it's shocking. People want to go and see relatives in another part of town, across the nation or indeed in the other nation should they have been on the other side of the political gate.

But the question is how? Thank's to our friends at Elrich Flying Bicycles, Many Yafalonians & Bazorites use their favourite for of two wheeled transport in the air. I have still yet to work out who two wheels can propel you forward in the air but EFB have solved man's (and werewolve's) greatest challenge through out history.

In addition to those that quite fit enough to peddle at the crazy speeds to keep the thing aloft, we also have a network of roads and ferry services that keep the entire blob of landmass connected.

http://i51.photobucket.com/albums/f387/Bazalonia/YB2-roads.png

We've included a map without names on for your conveinience, as yoou can see there are solid red lines and dashed red lines.

If you can't workout which ones are ferry services and which ones are roads then, you are probably a Yafalonian/Bazorite (delete as required). It's great to have a car, it's even better to have petrol.

And now onto Sport. Yafalonia and Bazor 2 have continued to show utter brilliance in their sport with a 3-2 win over 2nd seed Uiri, still to come is uh, Pantocratia or whoever those guys are and top seed Vephrall.

FAIL's HARD have currently got a play-off spot, let's see if they just can't claim top spot. FAIL TO WIN.

Comming up next will be an overview of Yafalonian and Bazorite Stadia/Stadiums (Delete as appropriate) For their upcoming bid for the Cup of Harmony.

OOC: Crap I totally forgot about this with one thing and about a million others, better make up for lost time.


THE EMPIRE TIMES
EAGLES WIN FIRST GAME

Last night in front of a packed out crowd at the Waverely Stadium in Braxon the eagles put on a stellar performance to win their first game for the qualifiers and their first game at home. The event had been built up over the past few weeks with millions of supporters ready to cheer on the boys when they played their first home game of the qualifiers. Millions more watched the game from pubs, homes and many outdoor events sponsored by local governments for the unfortunate people who weren't able to get a seat.

The team was said to be enthusiastic about the game and manager Baron Johnathon Konjac confident of his players. After an hour long ceremony celebrating the world cup, the domestic strength of soccer and Bloumany as a whole the game started. The game was a midfield battle in the first half with neither team being able to open up the scoring and with very few chances; Burner stopped a powerful shot by Prazkoy forward Sebasťan Podolsky. The empires forwards also had little luck with Speed, Williams and Junkson hitting the frame of the goal 10 times in one and a half minutes.

After the break the eagles had seemed to have found new strength within them scoring in the 46th minute after a deep cross from Williams Junkson superbly headed the ball into the back of the net. The lead was not minted for long with Podolsky, managing to slot one past Burner after an offside decision went against them in the 75th minute. With time nearly out after many shots on goal had failed to find their target in the 95th minute Prazkoy defender Pytor Ťmalst tackled Speed a fraction to late which gave the empire a free kick and Ťmalst a yellow card. As the team flooded the forward line Steven Holdings took the kick which landed right in front of Captain Anthony Williams' foot who slotted it in for a goal. The crowd stormed the pitch to help celebrate, after a five minute delay the game was able to restart which saw the final whistle being blown a few seconds later. The final score Blouman Empire 2 Prazoky 1.

Manager Baron Konjac is said to be ecstatic over his first win since taking control of the team and used the opportunity to praise the team "The boys played an excellent game out there and this just goes to show how much talent we have on this team the defence played well with only a Parzoky only managing a few shots on goal, the midfield played an excellent game and the forwards put a lot of effort out there" When asked about the lack of accuracy "Well that is something we have got to work on" Captain Anthony Williams who scored the winning goal said "Excellent game by all of us and it gives us the three points and something to work on... well it is the best free kick I have ever received I just had to touch it the credit should really go to Stevo (Steven Holdings) for his kick otherwise we would now be looking at a draw". The win puts the empire in fourth place equal with Bostopia and only three points away from Valanora.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/juvanya/mlle_etiquette.png
Mademoiselle Étiquette presents:
Manners and Etiquette in Sel Appa
Restaurants and Eating

Manners and etiquette in Sel Appa for restaurants and eating are similar to most nations, but do have quite a few things to note. If you want to avoid strange or dirty looks from natives, be sure to follow these tips when eating in Sel Appan restaurants or with Sel Appans:


When sitting down, order is rarely established. You are generally expected to sit in the first seat that catches your eye or another one if that is taken. Also, intermixing with people you don't know is strongly encouraged. Sel Appans like to meet new people and exchange ideas and thoughts. Use the opportunity to make a new friend or two.

Depending on the amount of utensils, their placement varies. Cups and glasses are almost always on the left side. If there is only a fork and knife, fork, knife, and spoon, or the utensils are rolled up, they will be on the left. If there are more than one of any utensil, forks are on the left, while knives and spoons are on the left.

When ordering, be sure to state what you want. It is rude to "have the same" as someone else, even if you are having the same as someone else.

Drink refills must be requested for the most part. Do not hesitate to signal a waiter for a refill. They do not assume an empty glass means you want more. Non-automatic refills saves money and resources, which is important to Sel Appans.

When eating, try not to make noises such as slurps. You will get looks of disgust. Also important is belching. It is of utmost importance to not openly belch and to release the gas in a controlled and silent manner. It may take a little practice. Belching will earn you many stares and disgusted looks. You'll be lucky to be invited to dine again with your party.

Never talk with food in your mouth. It is considered uncivilized, unclean, and plain revolting. Whole table discussions are rare unless that is the purpose (which itself is a rare occasion). It is expected that you will talk mainly with your neighbors. This is why it is best to sit with strangers.

When eating or serving food, always use your right hand. Never use your left hand for anything other than support. To do so is plain unacceptable. This is one of the more quirky things in Sel Appan etiquette that cannot really be explained. It is likely intended for uniformity and efficiency.

When you have completed eating, remove all utensils from your plate to signal you are done. If you leave utensils on your plate, it is assumed that you are resting and will finish eating soon.

The bill will almost always be split unless it has been pre-arranged that one person is "taking everyone out". Complaining that you are paying a disproportionate share will ensure you are never invited back. Sel Appans strongly believe in sharing burdens and this is a very visible example of that. Offering to pay the entire bill is generally laughed at.

Tipping is generally only warranted for exceptional service. It should never exceed 10%. Gratuity is already built into prices and restaurant worker wages are better than in most countries due to minimum wage laws rendering tipping unnecessary.

Be sure to thank the host and the waiter for the meal. You are able to leave the table and walk outside in small groups. If you are the second to last person, be sure to wait for whoever is left unless they say you can go on without them. Even so, it is still polite to stay. It shows concern for them, which is admired.


Following these guidelines will ensure you have a pleasant time eating and dining in Sel Appa and with Sel Appans. Sel Appans appreciate it when foreigners try to adopt local customs.

QSPNFootball.net WORLD CUP XL Coverage

MATCHDAY THREE: vs Scotchpineistan.

A sold-out crowd of 78,625 jammed Estadia Pika today for the Home Opener against Scotchpineistan, and the Pheonix did not disappoint, as the team had a 2-0 lead by the half, and wound up winning 3-1.

With President Daniel Renoir watching from the press box, Qazox' first home game under his presidency went with out a hitch, despite rumors of a terrorist threat at the stadium, which caused the match to be delayed by 30 minutes.

Once the threat was either declared a hoax or was dealt with quickly. The game got under way and from the beginning Qazox dominated, controlling the opening kick and within 2 minutes, Renna Valladores made it 1-0, sending the crowd into a uproarious frenzy.

The domination continued for the first half, as Qazox controlled the ball for 68% of the half. Just before the halftime whistle Anderson Tarricone scored on a blast from 14 yards out.

The second half saw Scotchpineistan shift to a more offensive stance, and in the 65th minute, it worked as they cut the lead to 2-1, but just 4 minutes later Maria Cruz-Preli managed to sneak a ball pass the keeper for the final tally of the day.

Despite the off-field trouble before the game, Qazox had a rather perfect day, and moved into second place in the group.

Up next is at Nethertopia, the third straight team Qazox had not previously faced. While Nethertopia did well in the BoF, the qualifers are an entirely different animal, and that might favor Qazox.


QAZOX SCORING:
Kallie Jaus- 2 (1 PK)
Anderson Tarricone- 2
Renna Valladores- 1
Maria Cruz-Preli- 1



SCHEDULE:
Friendly vs. Starblaydia L 1-2
G1: @ Az-cz (18:00 QST, Slimes Stadium) QPSN L 2-3 (0-0-1)
G2: @ Iansisle (@ Iansisle 5:45 QST) QSPN2 W 1-0 (1-0-1)
G3: vs. Scotchpineistan @ Estadia Pika, Pika City (Capacity: 78,625.) QSPN W 3-1 (2-0-1)
G4: @ Nethertopia @ Falcon Stadium, Nethertopia. (Capacity: 90,000) start 20:00 local time (14:30 QST) QSPN2
G5: vs. Green wombat @ Qazian Memorial Stadium, Qazox City Capacity: 98,000. Kickoff time: 20:10 QST. QSPN

Mid-qualifing break (possible friendly vs Krytenia in Starblaydia. Would be broadcast on QSPN)

G6: vs. Az-cz @ Qazian Memorial Stadium, Qazox City Capacity: 98,000. Kickoff time: 13:45 QST. QPSN (and other international broadcasts)
G7: vs. Iansisle @ SaxerDome, SaxerVilla Capacity: 85,000. Kickoff time: 19:40 QST. QSPN
G8: @ Scotchpineistan (Location and time: TBD) QSPN2
G9: vs. Nethertopia @ Chek-Via Stadium, Fromburg. Capacity: 90,000. Kickoff time: 14:50 QST. QSPN2
G10: Green wombat @ Carrier Stadium in Wachovia, Green wombat (Capacity 73,000) Kickoff time: 18:00 local (17:30 QST) QSPN

Green Wombat Daily Tattler

GREEN WOMBAT 2- Az-cz 5

Nothing lasts forever, and so did the opening streak of the Wombats, as they were dominated by Az-cz 5-2. Az-cz scored 4 times in the first half, but Green wombat 'won' the second half 2-1.


As of now here are the current Group Thirteen standings:

TEAM W-D-L Pts GF GA GD
Az-cz 3-0-0 9 11 4 +7
Qazox 2-0-1 6 6 4 +2
Green wombat 2-0-1 6 5 6 -1
Nethertopia 0-2-1 2 2 3 -1
Iansisle 0-1-2 1 1 3 -2
Scotchpinestan 0-1-2 1 3 8 -5

The next match is back home vs. Scotchpinestan. A win will put the Wombats in very good position for at least a playoff berth, as they will be at least 4 or more points ahead of 4th place.

Hoji, Iwosaka (KLVE) -

Taped voiceover of Hoji Police Chief Yoshifuyu Mianmi: A total of eight shots were fired, and one individual is deceased.

[Chopper Eight graphic logo]

Yoshi’i Tsuda: A shooting at Crosscom Global Arena left a man dead and sparked new fears about the safety of the popular sports and entertainment stadium.

And that’s our top story tonight on KLVE Channel 8 news at Five. KLVE 8's Akana Tankoshiba is on the scene live at Crosscom Global Arena, where Hoji Police shot and killed a man in an almost empty parking lot today.

Akana Tankoshiba: Yoshi’i, police say they had no choice but to open fire and shoot the man dead after he brandished a 9mm handgun and walked toward plainclothes auto crime investigators from the Hoji Police Department. Police are refusing to release the man’s name but describe him as a 32 year old with a lengthy criminal record and a suspect in over forty auto break-in and auto theft cases. Police say the man who is no stranger to them, had been committing his multiple crimes using at least three different aliases.

Earlier in the day in the parking lot behind me, as part of an island wide crackdown on criminal activity, HPD investigators set up in the main parking lot of Crosscom Global Arena to investigate a recent spate of auto break-ins over the last week and a half occurring at Crosscom Global Arena. They had high hopes they’d catch a suspect in the act. They did, and when they moved in to make an arrest, that’s when police say the suspect confronted them with a 9mm handgun.

“He initially put his hands in the air as if he was surrendering, but he still had his handgun in his right hand, at which point he started to walk toward our officers still with his hands and the gun in the air. He then began running in the direction of the officers in the same manner, and our officers saw it fit to fire upon this individual. A total of eight shots were fired, one individual is deceased. The use of force was justified because he presented an immediate threat to the officer’s lives.”
Yoshifuyu Minami
Hoji Police Chief

Police say they saw the suspect break into a red 1998 Chevrolet Camaro by shattering the driver side window, and officers rushed to confront him with their own guns drawn, before he entered the vehicle. Officers backed off when they saw the man pull out a concealed 9mm, but kept ordering the man to drop the gun. The suspect did not comply with police orders. Police say the vehicle broken into belongs to a maintenance worker for Crosscom Global Arena.

This is the second fatal police shooting by HPD officers in a week after officers shot and killed 51 year old Nagafuji Ajibana and his 17 year old niece Airi Egami in the parking lot of Hoji University Medical Center and Hospital following a forty-six minute police pursuit and a short shootout between Ajibana and officers. Egami was killed when she was hit with multiple stray bullets, and 43 year old Yuina Siagyo, a seventeen year veteran of the Hoji Police Department was also shot and killed in that incident when she tragically got caught in friendly crossfire. An internal investigation is still ongoing in that shooting.

And less than a month ago, Hoji Police Department officers responded to an apartment complex on the corner of Ni’ihashim and Kasoenza streets. In that shooting incident, twenty two year old Roka Daigo was standing on a fifth story ledge just outside her apartment window, shouting at officers below. She shouted to officers that she was suicidal, and that she was going to jump to her death. HPD officers on the ground tried to reason with her using a bullhorn to communicate, while other officers broke into her apartment in an attempt to coax Daigo back inside her apartment. Officers on the ground noticed her pull a knife from concealment and lean into the window of her apartment. Police say as she stuck the knife through the open window, officers on the ground opened fire, hitting Daigo four times, sending her falling through the window into her apartment.

Now police in this shooting say it’s an isolated incident, one they don’t expect to be repeated any time soon. And they say fans going to the match against Taeshan shouldn’t cancel their plans.

“Crosscom Global Arena is a safe place for families to watch and participate in a wide variety of sporting and entertainment events and concerts and things like that. We want everyone to enjoy the Miss Fujisawan Territories 2008 competition and the upcoming World Cup 40 qualifying match there against Taeshan.”
Yoshifuyu Minami
Hoji Police Chief

But still yet, some residents near Crosscom feel their neighborhood could be safer. Like seventy two year old Homina Taku.

“I heard the gunshots and I knew someone was dead. I just knew. I hope maybe things will start to get safer because it feels like the police are cracking down harder on crime.”
Homina Taku
Hoji

“It’s a quiet neighborhood...but you know, every once in a while, these things happen. It’s unfortunate. I’m a zeokit mom and my kids play youth league zeokit in Crosscom. But...in a sense, I’m not worried. I’m not concerned because the police did the right thing.”
Kazuko Ishinomori
Hoji

“I’ve had tickets to the Taeshan game for two months now, and you know it’s like I’m not scared to come to the game...there’s lots of things that can happen, but you just you know...you don’t think about it until it happens. I’m going and that’s final.”
Waotaka Shirahata
Coastal Atsuzai

Now Hoji Police Department officials say an internal investigation is underway, that’s protocol for these kinds of incidents, and the officer that fired the fatal shots has been placed on administrative leave pending the outcome of the investigation. Turn to KLVE 8 for more late breaking developing news on the Crosscom shooting as the story develops. Live from Crosscom Global Arena, Akana Tankoshiba.

Prux scores at least 3 goals again as they dominate Hryvinia, a surprise switch from the expected Ruskastan. J7Y and James Nobel scored, with J7Y scoring twice and eliminating the Hryvinia keeper in the Jello in a Cell match. The win put the Prawns into first place in the group, for the first time in team history.

Up next is the scheduled match with Ruskastan, in Ruskastan.


Goals:
J7Y- 5
James Nobel- 3
Matt Victor Paulsen- 1
Heff Jardy- 1

KLVE 8 Sports Desk
Territories lose again, this time to Kereca

Kammie Okabe: Away from home in Kereca, the Territories seemed lost.

“We’re turning things around, but we’re not quite up to par yet.”
Jotaro Komine
Fujisawan Territories Assistant Head Coach

But for many, not turning things around quite fast enough. The Territories fell to Kereca 3-2 despite motivational speaking and team building exercises from coach Komine, designed to help the team gel.

“They’re not playing as a team. When you win, you win as a team. When you lose, you lose as a team, but they are fighting among themselves, blaming each other. I don’t want to walk away from World Cup 40 knowing we did better in World Cup 39.”
Jotaro Komine
Fujisawan Territories Assistant Head Coach

Since a 1-0 win over Newmanistan in a pre-World Cup 40 friendly match, and a decent performance against Taeshan, goalkeeper Sakura Jo seems as though she’s wilting under the pressure to play at such a high level, and the rest of the team isn’t faring much better. Morale on the team seems low, and to many Fujisawan fans, the glory of reaching the Di Bradini Cup final seems like a long ago memory. Even the Prime Minister’s daughter seemed sour after her team’s loss.

“It’s not a joy right now for us. We’re working hard and we’re putting our blood and sweat into it and nothing’s happening.”
Kinuko Ienari
Hoji

Izukoza Yoko and Sharena Yoshifumi were the two Territorial scorers, in the 36th and 62nd minutes respectively.

“World Cup 40 has been a disappointment for me because I’m expecting more from us, especially the players who’ve been through 39. It’s just a nightmare, and coach Distefano and I have had our share of shouting matches this time round.”
Izukoza Yoko
Hoji

Next up, the Fujisawan Territories take on Yafor 2 at Territorial Navy Park Plaza in Asneel on the island of Sapsaki, just a quarter mile from historic Asneel Naval Harbor, home to the Territorial Navy’s prized Atlantic Fleet.

SCOTTY: Ranked in the world top twenty, Quakmybush visited Dancougar tonight for what we expected to be a tough World Cup qualifier. Which it certainly was. With a packed National Stadium, the Black Wings were hoping to continue to pile on the pressure in Group Two... Hey, Ken, you have the roster for Quakmybush team, right?

KENNETH: Nope.

SCOTTY: You sure? You know, that sheet of paper that has the names of the players on it? The ones on the team? Sometimes with numbers and positions, and quirky tidbits we can use during highlights?

KENNETH: Oh, I know exactly what you mean. We just don't have it.

SCOTTY: Really? But they're a pretty good team. Seventeenth in the world, sitting atop the group with four points... you're telling me that we know nothing about them? Like, absolutely nothing.

KENNETH: Indeed.

SCOTTY: Maybe we have a roster from the last cup to piggyback off?

KENNETH: Nope.

SCOTTY: Seriously?

KENNETH: You bet. So we could roll the highlights and try to guess who the players are. 'And there's the winger with the long free kick, he looks like a Todd, wouldn't you say?' Or we can just say that the Black Wings were beaten by a score of 2-1, Hideo Ikeda scored in the 67th minute, and Steve Teebone is over in studio B saying he told us so.

SCOTTY: Well, let's see what's on that video. Uh huh. Hmm... he DOES look like a Todd, now that you mention it. Pretty good kick, okay okay, one to nothing. Leyton gets the ball... Leyton loses the ball. Watanabe dives. Watanabe misses, two to nothing. Ikeda pulls one back, decent header, okay. Lots of frantic attacking... announcers making up names for people... yeah, this is kind of bizarre.

KENNETH: We need a better research staff.

*******************************************

Russ perked up. He and Peter had graduated, sure enough, but were currently living off of grunt work in Professor von Steuben's lab. "Oh, of course, so sorry!" he gasped, sitting straight up. Which company was this calling back? The guy hadn't said yet. "If you're looking at an old copy of my resume, I did get that degree, in case there were any problems."

"Not a problem," said Patterson. Pretty clever... he's coming up with a code on the fly in case the line is tapped. "Right, that's good, then, your degree in... err..."

"Business," Russ said excitedly.

"Right, right, well, let's see what I can do for you," Patterson continued. "How about this. We'd like to, uh, fly you in for an interview." How to let him know it's field work? We need someone in personnel management, in remote offices, so there's a lot of travel, a lot of work on site. And a little headhunting. Do you think you're up for it?"

"Oh, definitely, I'll come in right away!" answered Russ. "Oh, this may sound a bit rude, but might it be all right to refer a friend of mine? He also has a business degree and is just as available."

A partner? Hmm... I don't see why not. Yeah, Bauer's getting up there. He can't do as much as he used to, and it might be good to get some extra bodies on this case. One step ahead, as always! "That sounds good!" Patterson replied. "I'll arrange for your flight, and call you later with the details..."

Russ pounded on Peter's door. "Wake up, man. Job interview! We're flying out today!" He forced open the door, pushing piles of dirty laundry - and magazines - aside. "Pete, let's go!"

"Gah, the hell?" Peter said, twitching as the light hit him. He looked at his clock. "It's not even noon yet."

"Are you still hungover?!"

"You see that game last night? Anyone'd drink that one away. Two off the post, and there was a foul on that second goal, I'm telling you..."

"Shut up and get moving!"

............

Russ sat uncomfortably in the conference room while waiting for the first interviewer to arrive. The building looked normal enough. People working at computers in cubes, running around with documents, and the like. The guards out front with machine guns - that was weird. And the big security gate. Perhaps this was a government office?

Russ was dressed neatly in a suit and black pants. Peter looked more disheveled despite having plenty of time to get ready. His shirt was unbuttoned, his pants were frayed at the bottom. He wasn't even wearing dress shoes, and his tie hung low around his neck. Hair not combed. "Hey... are you really taking this seriously?" Russ asked.

"My credentials will speak for themselves!" Peter declared.

"That's what worries me," Russ said, straightening his tie. The door opened, and he stood up. Peter swiveled around in his chair. Patterson walked in with a pair of manila folders. "Ah, Mr. Patterson, good to meet you. I'm..."

"Ah, he sent in a proxy. Always aloof, that guy, that's why he's the best we've got," Patterson said. "Say no more, son, say no more." He shook Russ's hand heartily before handing them the folders. "Everything you need's in here," he said. "Make sure no one sees these but you. Remember the details and then leave these with me on your way out, okay?"

"R-r-right," said Russ. Patterson left the room and locked the door. Outside, two men took positions on both sides of it to make sure no one came in or out without them knowing. They opened their packets. "Confidential? What on Earth is this?"

"Dude, this is about that training exercise at the stadium," said Peter. "But... this says it was an actual attack? What's going on?"

"There's been some mistake..." Russ stammered, as he looked through more. What little information that had been gathered was there in front of them. Dossiers on known dissidents in the nation. Information on how to obtain resources in the field. "... We've been recruited as secret agents."

World Cup Qualifying – MD3

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/acapais.png Acapais : Sel Appa http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/sel_appa.png
4:4 (3:2)


Match Report:
Kushan Stadium, Port Maypearl, Kempshire – The third match of Acapais’s World Cup Qualifying campaign for World Cup XL was against Sel Appa last night and ended in a 4-4 draw. The Hearts and Turtles met only once in a friendly which ended in a 2-2 draw. Acapais will visit Sel Appa for the first time on matchday eight of World Cup Qualifying.

A match that is unique in such that there were three lead changes and two broken Acapais records. The eight registered goals broke the previous record of six for most goals in a match, and Al Vick Osman broke the record for most assists in a single match with three previously held by Acapais great Oscar Van Savage.

Playing much like a friendly, both sides came out gunning in the first half. Castro struck first in the 6th minute with a powerful near-post header beautifully crossed in by Osman. Sel Appan forward, Tartaruga, responded just nine minutes later with a side-footer to the far-post. Nkuma slipped it in between the two Acapan defenders in for the suspended Rex Agitril and Brad Sample. The Turtles took the lead in the 28th minute thanks to a Kopel volley. A poor clearance let the striker take it first-time and hit it past O’Hare. Dave Lugini netted Acapais’s second goal to draw level in the 33rd minute. Osman’s low cross was easy for the Edgewood United striker to connect with. Acapais reclaimed the lead just before half time when the heart’s skipper scored directly from a corner kick.

In the 61st minute, Morreau scored luckily when a poor clearance from Hunchman O'Hare outside the eighteen hit the striker’s knee and took a kind deflection toward the back of the net. Four minutes later a fourth Turtle striker came up big with a header from a free-kick. Substitutions from both managers came between the two nation’s last goals. Schulenburg striker Jose Castro hit his second of the match and second of the campaign when Osman threw in a low cross which Castro was able to touch in with his toe.

Manager Stephanie Horne reported by saying that it was a “good result for us against a top class nation. I am hoping our players are able to build upon this and put in a nice run for qualification.”

The draw leaves Acapais in sixth place in their group. Acapais is four points away from a potential qualification spot.

Scoring:
Acapais – Jose Castro (Al Vick Osman) 6
Sel Appa – Tartaruga (Nkuma) 15
Sel Appa – Kopel (Ghotiolo) 28
Acapais – Dave Lugini (Al Vick Osman) 33
Acapais – James Fronberry (unassisted) 45 +1
Sel Appa – Morreau (Vasou) 61
Sel Appa – Gepardo (Kolts) 65
Acapais – Jose Castro (Al Vick Osman) 79

Booking:
Acapais – Henry Paroe (caution; unsporting behavior) 53
Sel Appa – Rengel (caution; unsporting behavior) 66

Acapais Lineup:
Starters: Hunchman O'Hare (GK); Nick Daniels, David Franzman, Kyle Rummy, Derek Sample (Bobby Underland 67); Pablo; Henry Paroe (Benjamin Nelson 54), Al Vick Osman; James Fronberry (C); Jose Castro (Steve Ferrie 88), Dave Lugini;
Available Subs: Paul Junxton, Bobby Underland, Steve Ferrie, Benjamin Nelson, Dean Chilvers
Head Coach:Stephanie Horne

Match Facts:
Venue (Attendance): Kushan Stadium (70,113)
Location: Port Maypearl, Kempshire
Referee: Victor Gill

Next Match:
vs. The Holy Empire
Starters: Hunchman O'Hare (GK); Bradly Sample, Rex Agitril, Kyle Rummy, Derek Sample; Zachary McKellar; Henry Paroe, Al Vick Osman; James Fronberry (C); Jose Castro, Dave Lugini;
Available Subs: Paul Junxton, Nick Daniels, David Franzman, Pablo, Dean Chilvers
Head Coach:Stephanie Horne
http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/alasdair_i_frosticus.png

Injuries/Supensions:

Acapais Goal Scorers:
2 – Dave Lugini
2 – James Fronberry
2 – Jose Castro

Acapais Assists Leaders:
3 – Al Vick Osaman
1 – Henry Paroe

Acapais Yellow Cards:
2 – Al Vick Osaman
2 – Derek Sample
2 – James Fronberry
2 – Jose Castro
2 – Henry Paroe
1 – Bradley Sample
1 – Kyle Rummy
1 – Zach McKellar

Acapais Red Cards:
1 – Bradley Sample
1 – Rex Agitril
1 – Zachary McKellar

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Acapais RP Threads
Roster Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13391027&postcount=8)

World Cup 40 Qualifiers: 2-1-0 (1)
PQF: HAN 2-1 ESF (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD1: HAN(26) 1-1 (167)ENG (@ Oromokojei Football Stadium, Oromokjei)
MD2: HAN(26) 2-0 (61)MGV (@ Sanghae National Football Stadium, Sanghae)
MD3: JAR(59) 0-3 (26)HAN
MD4: SJV(154) --- (26)HAN
MD5: HAN(26) --- (16)CAS (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MF1: TAE --- HAN
MF2: HAN --- PRA (@ Gwangdong Imperial Sports Complex and Stadium, Gwangju)
MD6: ENG(167) --- (26)HAN
MD7: MGV(61) --- (26)HAN
MD8: HAN(26) --- (59)JAR (@ Munhwa Football Stadium, Hanseong)
MD9: HAN(26) --- (154)SJV (@ King Kim Iljei Memorial Football Stadium, Malnira)
MD10: CAS(16) --- (26)HAN

국제험담
International Gossip
Case #03 - Coaches?

Ioshido will be more than happy to have discharged Jariss in an away match, while Kim Yongdae will be even happier to have gotten two consecutive clean sheets. So far, the Han apparently have one of the most stubborn defense, in terms of number of goals allowed (1) - along with Lovisa, Valanora, and Wentland. The goals fest in Jariss gave Kim Byeongji his first goal in as many days, and Song Jongguk stole up the middle turf of the pitch, tossing in the two assisting shots to Baek Jihun, and Yi Yeongpyo. And while Jariss did put up a marvelous defense, I think what we can say for certain is that our new head coach is certainly finding his new niche comfortable (now let's hope that I didn't just jinx it).

But after all, why is it so important to have a really good coach? After all, in most cases people just plop 11 players on a field and make them play to the death (sometimes literally, recall riots in Adihan?). Not to imply anything, but one of the distinguishing features of any team has to be its coach, even though the old chap does nothing but sit around in that box and watch his players do his bidding. And so what makes the World Cup manager particularly potent despite so many teams ignoring the position?

I don't know. But let us consider this one alternate reality - let's call it "Bob". Now let's suppose that while in "Bob", teams don't actually get onto a pitch but rather have points calculated in a computer simulation and have their scores generated automatically, given a set of parameters. Now, that would certainly take away a lot of the sweat and toil, but let's also consider that you receive extra points for having a really really really really really good coach, and the other doesn't have one. Assuming that, wouldn't you say that the team whose coach is vastly superior, in spite of having a weak team, can make a win - potentially? Indeed. Let's now suppose that instead of some computer churning out these results, it's actually Bob himself who does the job (because there is no computer perfect enough for the task), so every time there's a game, Bob yanks out a logical and perfectly made number that corresponds to the team's winning chances. Let's also suppose that in this alternate "Bob", we have an alternate entity that governs the randomness and luck factor (because we know that luck and randomness play a part of everything in real life, evolution teaches us this) - let's this entity of randomness "Margaret" - because you know, it's a random name. Hell, I don't know anyone around here named Margaret. Well, I don't know anyone named "Bob" either, but that's beside the point.

Let's assume that in these alternate realities, Bob must have sex with Margaret in order to get these results. And in fact, it's Margaret that churns out the results (because of course, Bob has to do other things too; I guess so does Margaret, but that's beside the point...). In the process of making these results, Bob and Margaret can be happy on one particular day is a healthy 1-0 win. Hooray! Bob and Margaret are getting along really fine now :D. But again, we must recall that Bob has the numbers to which the team makes the winning chance, so yet while Margaret has the final say (literally) in making the babies... oh shit, I mean scores! scores! ... Bob gives Margaret the proper seed by which Margaret can make her babies... SCORES! I MEAN SCORES!

Ahem... so now you understand why having a really good coach is essential to winning a football match?

*** SPECIAL EDITORIAL ***

Who will see the next round?

Well, it's still far too early, and only because my %$#^ing boss wants me to give a full presentation on who I think is going to the World Cup Finals, I've gotten a list of teams that probably will go to the finals.


Of course, we're going. Just because I like me.
Um... those freaky hamsters too.
The Quakers of Bush... I can't read this thing, and I wrote it...
Of course, Cafundeu, because if they can't get in, they can always go to BuyAGoal.com (not that I insist that they should or even do).
Bettia. Sounds like a bunch of compulsive gamblers. Either that or some turban-topped carpet dweller (if you are Hindi, Muslim, Sikh, or of any particular faith that endorses this, I hope that you are not offended by this remark - again, someone else expressing their opinion and I am the writer)
Candelaria And Marquez, just because having two countries is better than having one.
Squornshelous, just because they have been doing so regardless of what other people happen to do.
The Monks, but only if they convert to the pagan belief of Literalism.
Valanora - what more should I say?
Bostopia, but only because they're the only team in this group that will use tanks if they're losing a match. (FYI, do not steal their nukes from under the Fort Boston Football Stadiu, even though it is a secret military facility that is poorly disguised).
Tynelia, because they do well in the qualifiers but sink out in the finals.
Rejistania. Never even heard of them.
Bazalonia, because they must be important for something else, right?
Zwangzug, because it sounds like a really complicated chess move.
Jerusalem - just because football needs its own cheerleading squad.
Novapsolu, but only if they change their name to 'Marco Polo'. Doesn't sound like a place, but it's awfully confusing to say their name out loud in a room full of drunken bastards.
Adihan, but only because BuyAGoal.com will eventually help them out.
Wentland, if they change their name to Stayland, because they're not going to be a good country if everyone went somewhere else.
Northern Bettia - look above Bettia.
Milchama, only because their name sounds cool if you say it backwards (by syllables, as it is in Korean, that's Ma-cha-mil...).
Kura-Pelland, because I have no clue what a Kurapel is, so it must be something good.
Newmanistan, because they're new and they probably won't qualify but still do.
Sel Appa, because their name also sounds cool said backwards (that is, Pa-ap Sel), and oh yeah, they missed out last time.
The Holy Empire - waitaminute, do they even have a team that belongs to them?
Az-cz, because falling out in the Group Stage by lottery was just painful.
Qazox, because I have no clue how to say this name in Han (owing to the fact that there are no equivalents for "q", "x", and "z" in Korean, and the Mandarin versions aren't the same).
Demot, because they also have a neat name, no matter how you say it.
Jaseuyeon - but only if they have better luck managing their team, because it's a damn shame that they don't have as good luck as they should.
Capitalizt SLANI, as the top ranked team in the world, this is an obvious statement (well, not as obvious if you account for Sel Appa).
Sorthern Northland - despite their propensity for conflict, they will ride out the storm.

Yeah. So take it or leave it. If you decide to leave it, please please please ball it up or use it for toilet paper, because that's what it's worth. If you decide to keep it, don't bet on it.

Ioshido Praises Team Effort in Victory at Jariss

Following the resounding 3-0 victory against Jariss today, Ioshido held a brief conference outside the locker room.

"I feel confident that the team and I have developed close relationships. It seems that we connect very well, and I'm very happy to say that we're doing great together. On the field, they're taking well to my instructions, and off the pitch, we're getting together very closely. I have to admit that the Han players are giving me a lot in return, because they've had experience playing internationally. They've shown me that there are different styles, and so far I think I've been able to adapt to the greater variety. It seems that everyone here has something to give."

Opening to questions, a reporter asked if he had had sex with any of the team members yet. Ioshido was stunned at such a question. "I don't believe that's an appropriate question, but I haven't had sex yet..." *scribbling sounds* "...and I don't intend to have sex with any of them. Anything about the players?"

A reporter then asked about Song Jongguk's performance during the match.

"Yes, he performed very well. He's great striking power, and he knows the right way to shoot."

Another reporter remarked quickly, "I thought you didn't have sex with any of the players."

"%$#^&%, I was talking about Song's striking power behind the football. The football! Does anyone have a question for me that's not about sex, drugs, or money?"

A lonely hand rose above the others. "Sir, have you seen my mommy?" It was at that time Ioshido decided to call off the press conference.



Goal Scorers
1 - Kim Byeongji, Baek Jihun, An Pilrip, Yi Dongguk, Yi Yeongpyo, Jeong Jihun

K&TT 1-0 Legalese
This sort of performance will not do against Tynelia but the play was good and so was Sinan's goal, as the team played well there should not be a reason for the manager to resign, as of yet but to really secure his job he will need to pull a win from nowhere against top seeds Tynelia. With Sinan Kose in form this should be 'easier' than it would be without him as the quest for his strike partner continues some are beginning to consider the 5-4-1 formation.

No ones safe
Sinan Kose who has been the savior of the team in recent games has said that the coach has said that no ones place in the first team was assured. This came after blatant complacency within the team after they stormed through the Baptism of Fire to a runner's up position. A change in personnel might liven up the team.

Warm reception
A warm, but hostile reception is expected* for the team tonight as they face off against early leaders Tynelia who are undoubted favorites even from the most nationalist point of view the Turks will be looking for a hard fought draw from even the most optimistic of views.

* http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JVc0xLklMA0

The team was on the training field. "Sir..." gasped Fouad Snijders "How many... Rounds... Do i... Have... To run anyway? I've been running... For like... One hour now..."
"It's 56 minutes now, but you'll continue running until i say that you can stop," yelled coach Kietecs back to him. "Realize this. We were playing a home game againt Iansisle. They are freaking unranked!!! That was the match to win. And what do you do? You get a rad card in the third minute! I don't accept that. It was a leg-breaking tackle. Don't expect any mercy from my side! Is that clear?"
"Yes... sir..." panted the poor player.

"That's enough," said the coach after another 20 minutes. "You should take some rest before the training starts."
"What? Do you expect me to participate to the training now?"
"Yes, if you want an invitation for the game against Az-cz."

The rest of the team entered the field. "Aren't you too harsh on Fouad now?" Asked Sergio Torres.
"I don't think so," replied Rob. "Anyone who screwes these kind of games fo our team up shall be punished like that." The coach thought to himself that he made his point. Nobody would do anything stupid and this might've scared the team to wake. "We're just going to play a practice match. Fouad, you can take it easy. Boy, you're in the basic XI next game."

He began to handle the training shirts to the teams. He took place on the bench near the trainings field, not being happy at all about their next opponent.

Huz-Ig turned off the TV when Hu-35 scored the fifth goal of the game. There was no need to watch anymore. Green Wombat wasn't going to score four goals in the last 23 minutes of the game. But now he was even more determined to figure out what was going on with the Az-cz Scroll robots, if that's what they really were. They predicted a 8-0 Green Wombat victory. Huz-Ig, like most Az-czzers would be glad the prediction was dead wrong, but Huz-Ig couldn't figure out why the Scroll would sacrifice its reputation like that. Il-Lur wasn't the greatest predictor in the world, but he did alright. Certainly nothing like the horrific job the robots were doing.

So he called one of his friends Dp-Fthm who worked for the -League to get his thoughts.

"Hey man it's Huz-Ig. You watching the game?"

"Yeah, of course. What's up?"

"It's about the Scroll. Those predictions are really bothering me."

"The ones for the -League or for the qualifiers?"

"Qualifiers of course. eight-nil Green Wombat. Are you freaking kidding me?"

"Forget about it. It's probably a publicity stunt. Make outlandish claims and watch as the fans freak out. They're probably doing it to sell papers."

"So you think the scores are made up?"

"Of course. I don't think they're real predictions and I don't think they have robots doing them either."

"You think the Scroll would risk their position as the most respected Az-cz paper over this. That's a pretty audacious claim. A blatant lie like that would be devestating if found out and you know it would be found out."

"Still, you can't tell me you believe it's robots from ancient times. Come on. That whole Az-cz coming from planet Xeen myth is crap and we both know it. "

"You don't believe the creation story? How do you explain us being gnomes then?"

"Oh I believe the part about Az-cz being founded by a gnome robber, I just don't think he prolly if you searched hard enough..... Aww dammit you made me miss a Green Wombat goal."

"If I searched hard enough, what?"

"I was gonna say you'd probably find a genetic link between us and some other people on NS-Earth."

"Maybe, but I personally believe the stories about us being from another planet. Still even if you don't how do you explain things like the robots Pantocratoria or however you say it being Vephrall 2-0 and Engbec tying Casari 2-2?"

"Lucky guesses. Who knows."

"Lucky guesses come on now. Something weird's going on and I'm gonna get to the bottom of it."

"Alright have fun with that."

And Dp-Fthm hung up.

Huz-Ig couldn't figure it out though. Something was clearly amiss at the Scroll but everyone he talked to simply accepted it as a trick of some sort. Very few believed any robots were being used, much less the ancient ones. But he couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. So he decided he'd be blunt and see if he could get into see the robots at work. He tried to find any sort of contact he could at the scroll to get him an inside look.

OOC: Loving the reference to my radio show there Kry ;)

IC, and remember there's two more Lloyd-Webber-quoting RPs left of which this is the first:

Kelssek away was set to be a big test, but relatively benign conditions made it a fair bit easier, and goals from three different players ensured a fine 3-1 away win for Kura-Pelland.

The visitors started proceedings smoothly with a superb goal in the 17th minute; Norbert Fiero had his back to goal, turned from the anonymous defender to glance behind, saw support coming and then duly outrageously chipped the ball into the path of Chris Chenoweth, who couldn't miss. The lead was doubled twelve minutes later, when this strange duet combined again in the other order, Chenoweth's flick-on finding Fiero, whose first-time shot looked a bit awkward but curled away from the keeper and came in off the post. The visitors struck back on the hour after a swift counter-attack exploiting the space left by a Bo Phelps rampage, but Phelps had more success ten minutes later; storming down the left, he cut back inside to find that Liam Marling, ghostly face and all, was there on the wing. The defenders drew back in fear, the cross was headed in by Beattis, and that was that.

Milchama away next. In all their fantasies, fans always knew this game was most unlikely to be won, but they can dream, can't they? The playoffs are getting a tad interestnig if early form is any guide, with some big names losing early on; assuming they make the playoffs, Kura-Pelland will be rather desperate to avoid them.

Their fate lies in Margaret, the angel of numbers...

Kara: Hello, this is THE FOOTBALL LIFE. I'm Kara Kool.
Kate: And I'm Kate "Yummy" Sallad, you know the Kate Dallas clone.
Kara: "Yummy Salad", yes - the bad names are back.
Kate: Me and my sister are the yummiest Sallad girls around Kara. No doubt.

Kara: Back to the football folks, not Kate's sex life.
Kate: Today the Princessess, that's Jeruselem, played a team from ... Kal Myk Stan. Weird, wonder what it means?
Kara: Yes, that's Kalmykstan. No idea about the name but having a long name does not help one win games.
Kate: No it doesn't. Jeruselem took care off business winning 3-1 but we didn't play very well.

Kara: Well, we didn't really play that well. Our finishing was a little shoddy today.
Kate: Yeah, little Kate here had to score a goal and Kara didn't.
Kara: It just wasn't my day today. God, even your sister nearly scored a goal.
Kate: She's always in right place at right time Kara.

Kara: Moving along, Novapsolu beat the team with a horrible long name.
Kate: You mean Sesquipedalianist!
Kara: Yes, that team. 3 points for Novapsolu who have had a bad run of two losses.
Kate: Don't worry about them, they'll come good in the end.

Kara: Dance 2 Revolution continued their winning run, beating the team from Abaio who have had a dream start.
Kate: Abaio have had a great start but now, reality bites.
Kara: D2R did beat us, Kate. They must looking really good here.
Kate: It's only 3 games in. The wannabes will fade when the big games count.

Kara: That's group 8 results. Jeruselem, Novapsolu and D2R win as expected.
Kate: The table is a little weird with D2R leading with three wins followed by Jeruselem and then Abaio who both have two wins. Novapsolu's win pushed them to 4th and the other

two teams just suck. Those two have 1 point to show for three games.
Kara: Abaio are showing a bit of fight here.
Kate: But I think we all know who the top three here will be in the end.

Kara: Group 5, Bostopia got a great result to draw with the Elves.
Kate: Yes, I think it's a fantastic result. I wonder if it involved any tanks?
Kara: Not in this case, the Elves aren't idiots.
Kate: You still have to ask anyway.

Kara: Group 13, and our friends Qazox are there. They didn't have trouble with the underachieving Scotchpinestan, winning 3-1.
Kate: I like Qazox.
Kara: That's because you're not fussy who you want sleep with.
Kate: Why be fussy? No point.

Kara: Jeru FC aren't doing well. Our army boys have one draw from three games.
Kate: Aw, be fair! A draw with lowly ranked Terreiro de Ogum wasn't good but they played Sorthern Northland and now the SLANI ranked above them.
Kara: Well, I see your point. Losing 3-5 to Sorthern Northland and 3-6 to the SLANI isn't bad actually.
Kate: I think they can get better from there. Come on boys!

Kara: OK Kate, what's on for YAP YAP.
Kate: Well, a lot people think me and my sister are actually Dallas girls. They find it funny we are just Sallad girls.
Kara: Yes, I sometimes call you lot Dallas girls. I mean you dress the same way, you talk the same way and you copy them.
Kate: I'm not much a Ninja though

Kara: It's funny you two don't look much like your mother.
Kate: We love our Mum Mary.
Kara: Dazza looks your mother really.
Kate: If Dazza was my Mum, I'd be happy too.

Kara: That's it from us. See us later.
Kate: We'll be out there kicking butt.
Kara: Well, that's what we should be doing anyway.
Kate: Come on Kara, don't let my sister score more goals than you.

Group Five
Valanora 1-1 Bostopia

Group Eight
Novapsolu 3-0 Sesquipedalianist
Abaio 1-2 Dance 2 Revolution
Jeruselem 3-1 Kalmykstan

Group Thirteen
Qazox 3-1 Scotchpinestan

Group Fifteen
Jeru FC 3-6 UCS SLANI

http://www.islandsdaily.co.ad/sport/blog/wc40q/sitting_in_for_Davey/
Sitting in for Davey
Posted 10:21 am, day after MD3

Hi everyone. It's Luke Evans here sitting in for Davey Thomson. Yes, Luke Evans, the former Ad'ihan manager, so you can stop wondering now. Davey has other commitments today so I'm standing in.

Not a great day for all involved with Ad'ihani football, however — it's matches like this that make you want to tear your hair out, not only as a fan but also as a manager.

Dave Hollow's job will be on the line, no doubt about it. In fact, I can exclusively disclose that sources close to me back at the AFF are due to meet prior to Matchday Four against Hyrvina to discuss Hollow's job. The rumour is that Hollow will be expected to pick up at least seven points from the next three games — a loss at any time now will see him sacked.

Yesterday's match against Kiryu-shi was the ultimate capitulation for a team that made the quarter-finals last time out under Hollow. The draw against Prux prior to yesterday's game did not help Dave's job prospects, but to dominate the match against Kiryu-shi for a good 85 minutes of the game before throwing it all away?

The team were just absent in that last five minutes. It's time to dispense with Ben Ropes in goal. Time to dispense with the attacking trio of Julian D'Abbo, George Connor and Steve Bryson. Time to dispense with Jake Holmes and time to dispense with Jed Fisher.

Hollow has to turn this team around now. Any later and it could well cost him his job. It cost me mine.

Luke Evans is the former manager of the Ad'ihan national team and Dave Holliow's immediate predecessor. He will be blogging semi-regularly for the Islands Daily when main contributor Davey Thomson has other obligations to fulfill.

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Pentove given ultimatum by VFR

The Vephraller Foutbiller Restritris has apparently lost patience with national team manager Umsaasad Pentove. After a heavy home loss to Zwangzug on matchday 1, the team spectacularly failed to recover, losing again at home to Uiri by two. Pentove and the VFR agreed to move all remaining home matches out of Ellime e Vephrall after that, but what came next was an away fixture in Pantocratoria.

Has the team already given up? Are they just in the slump to end all slumps? Or were they just all crap in the first place and Pentove didn't realize it? At any rate, a pair of goals from Louis-Gaston de Verdeflotte-sous-Montmanuel, le Vicomte de Verdeflotte-sous-Montmanuel (who was referred to in Tociast's television coverage of the game simply as "le Vicomte"), one on either side of halftime, was more than enough to secure three points for the home team as the Pantocratorian defense made Sorrah, Cilleng, and Hetag look like a forward trio for some random Cintrin C club.

Pentove has now been told quite flatly by the VFR that anything other than a win against Yafalonia & Bazor 2 would result in his immediate termination. It is almost certain that assistant manager Parker Law would be promoted into the managerial role.

The Vephrall national team is now winless in seven matches (not counting the impromptu U21 side's heavy loss to Dancougar) and has lost three in a row and five of its last six, dating back to the group stage of World Cup 39.

Pentove to bench all starters for Y&B2 match

Meanwhile, manager Pentove has announced a completely changed lineup for the Yafalonia & Bazor 2 match, which will probably be his final match in charge. The starting eleven will be as follows:

http://www.prism.gatech.edu/~gth681k/ns/vephrall/wc40formation-md4.png

* * *

Meanwhile, in the orange house...

"...and in sport, Vephrall somehow manages to lose another shocker, two-nil in Pantocratoria..."

As the television continues to drone on in the background, a man, dressed all in orange much like the house itself, smiles. Most would probably describe it as an evil smile, but if you were paying attention to the previous treatise on the Vephrese native religion, you would remember that it has no inherent concept of good or evil.

"This is working out even better than we'd hoped, wouldn't you say?"

Another previously-unseen man nods in agreement. "Everyone thinks Pentove is nuts for believing in a curse, the VFR's even more nuts for moving the matches because of it, and best of all they've got no points from three matches. Fos be praised!"

"Yes," agreed the first man. "Let the unfaithful see this as a warning, see that the power of Fos is real, along with Waeffero and Stanaccy! The Vephrannet cannot be ignored!"

And there was seen another sign in heaven: and behold, a great red dragon, having seven heads and ten horns, and upon his heads seven diadems.
Revelation 12:3


“…pointing defeat in Gabalfa, with the tall midfielder Ahmed Ziiaq scoring himself and creating one for his young colleague Llifon Rhys. Albrecht Turkish forward Samuel Taha added the third late on, after Ben Young’s trip on Akim al-Sikamiya earned the home side a penalty.

“There were no Candelariasian fans in the stadium, with the Big Blues’ official and unofficial supporters clubs opting to boycott the game. TV1 chose to do the same, while many Candelariasian television viewers who had been expecting to view the big match on a minority cable channel were left disappointed; after the al-mauz network, which broadcasts from Khatib-Gassett primarily to Candelariasian-Bettians in English, Welsh and Arabic, opted to pull its transmission of the game. Station controller Hussein Davies has since denied receiving any pressure from the C&M government to do so.

“The occasion of the game drew new protests from civil rights organisations across the Candelarias, following the arrest several weeks ago of the Bove-born tourist Marcus Marshall on charges of attempted donkey hijack with intent to smuggle the diminutive odd-toed ungulate out of Bettia. The accusations have been described as ‘highly suspect’ by Candelarias Human Rights Watch vice-chair Sadie Baron, while the Foreign Office has condemned the silence of the Bettian authorities over the matter, who continue to maintain that Marshall is not even being held on their territory. The accused’s family say that they have been permitted a single phone call with Marshall, and that he sounded distressed and informed them that he had been counselled that he could face loosing his right hand over the inci–”

“Tubibble buzhnuzh, izhzhn’t it?”

Sukie Rohaert, pathologist and Candelariasian of the female persuasion, waved an irritable hand and continued to stare out the car window. She was watching the rain as much as anything else, since the stairway wasn’t changing much the more she looked at it. Five steps, that’s all it was, just to get from one level of the pavement to another, whilst causing as much irritation as possible to Albrecht’s disabled population. There was still a police cordon around it, but nothing else to suggest anything out of the ordinary had taken place there recently. The Albrecht Met would put a cordon around a dropped cigarette butt given half the chance, so even that in itself didn’t prove much.

She sighed and presented half her face to Mike by means of a compromise.

“What’s a tubbible bishnish?”

He removed a piece of cress from his top lip and swallowed. “That. What they were just talking about on the radio.”

Sukie listened vaguely to the whisperings of Radio One, C&M’s attempt at a grown-up news network.

“…wen Adjidarmo has become the latest high-profile figure to speak out in support of Marshall, when he condemned the Bettian silence at a community meeting in Rose of Sharon this afternoon. The Tamrida-born SD&GP Parliamentary Candidate and former terror suspect told local Muslim leaders that it was imperative that Marshall was supported by the Candelariasian people and authorities in his fight for a fair trial. Adjidarmo added tha–”

“Good fer ‘im,” Mike muttered approvingly, turning the knob back to zero. “That’s what we need to hear, y’see, more o’ these northern Bettians – like, our northern Bettians, not like Northern Bettians, yeah? – coming out and condemning ‘em. This Shariah business, I dunno… I don’t know where it’s all headin’, Sukie, I’m sure o’ that…”

“They’re only going to cut his hand off, Mike. What’re they supposed to do with a donkey-pilferer?”

“Alleged donkey-pilferer,” Mike corrected her. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m got a lot of respect fer yer Muslim religion and customs and that,” he continued, gulping down the final morsels of his second ham and cress sandwich, “But in the modern world, twenty-first century, yeah?, you don’t lop off some fella’s hand. Don’t care what he’s supposed to have done.”

“Well, that’s a very progressive attitude, Mike…”

“So what we need is more o’ these Candelariasianbettians sayin’, y’know…”

“How ghastly it all is? I expect they left Bettia for a reason in the first place, Mike. Besides, what do you really want? Kids from some school in Khatib or Thompsontown being photographed with little ‘Not in our Name’ and ‘Let Marcus Keep His Hand’ banners, as if they have the faintest clue what the whole issue is?”

“Yeah, alright… What bothers me, though, right, is how you don’t hear anything from the government about this.”

“Anderson made a statement yesterday, didn’t he? And White. And Reuben Queseda…”

“Yeah, but they’re not actually doing anything, are they? You’d think they make it, like, top priority.”

“I should think they’ve probably got bigger things to worry about, Mike,” Sukie sighed. ‘They’ had an election to fight over the next few weeks, for one thing. And the current little economic downturn. And the whole row over civil war exiles being allowed to visit their grandkids and whatnot. And the business the MLP were going on about with first-gen kids doing loads of extra language exams at EAG to make the government’s record on educational attainment look rather better than it should do. And there was still plenty of repairing to be done following Hurricane Neil, particularly up north in some of the more forgotten cities.

“I ‘spose yer right, Sooz… Sandwich?”

Sukie took the last remaining sandwich, for want of anything better to do. She’d rapidly discovered today that stakeouts weren’t anyone near as much fun as she’d previously supposed – at least, not when you were squeezed into your diener’s smart car and watching a flight of stairs which didn’t appear to be going anywhere very fast. The potential for a sudden, high-speed chase seemed minimal. The only problem was if the police arrived, since showing undue interest in a crime scene was always liable to get you hauled in for an afternoon. Or eating a ham sandwich without a licence, most probably, for that matter.

“Yer not gonna find anything, Sooz. Not sitting here watching it in the rain, any road.”

“I know… It was just so odd though…”

“Yeah. But not that odd. Look, I’ve handled, moved, eviscerated, reconstructed and cleaned more corpses more times than I’ve seen Noémie Lenoir in her scanties,” Mike commented, Marks & Spencer having blanket bombed the Candelarias with that advertising campaign too. “And I’ve worked in this city longer than you’ve been alive. You get odd bodies, Sooz. We open ‘em up, you find out what you can, and then we send ‘em upstairs, if you pardon the expression in this unfortunate case. We don’t investigate it, luv. We’re not the police.”

“No… I just… I don’t care how hard he was pushed, going down that number of steps wouldn’t break – nay, shatter – every bone in his body. He was just a bag of bits…”

“He also had enough condoms in his stomach to bring north-east Marquez into the twenty-first century, Sooz. Who knows what could’ve leaked out of them? Who knows what he could’ve been on already? We won’t have the results of the blood ‘n’ bile samples back fer another week anyhow. Although, come to think if it… Must’ve been a week already, surely? Altho–”

“Time dilation,” Sukie interrupted quickly, being something of an expert on the subject, all things considered.

“Y’think? Never really bought all that nonsense meself… Sounds like the sort of thing that Scott Jonathon’d come up with. All vibrating Mary Magdalenes and that.”

“The point is, Mike, it’s not as though it’s an isolated case… There was a boy up north just the other day, somebodyorother Green, I think. The mother’s being held but it’s supposed to be the same thing. Bones just falling apart…”

“Where are you going with this, Sooz?”

“I’m not really sure. And it’s bound to have an extremely disappointing ending…”

“Story o’ my life, luv,” Mike grinned.

Sukie, who had always suspected that her assistant was a closet necrophiliac for whom the ending was rather the best bit, ignored him. She was annoyed and confused, and there was really only one person – though she used the term loosely – who she could turn to at a time like this. She took one last look at the monotonous flight of steps, and made her mind up.

“Mike, can you get out of the car, please?”

“Wha’? It’s my car, luv…”

“I know. I’d like you to get out of it. Please. I need to go somewhere, and I don’t need you there.”

Mike was extremely put out by this, but for a woman who preferred not to be within half a dozen yards of any child under the age of twelve or so she had a remarkably matriarchal bearing when she wanted to. Plus, she was technically his boss. He did as he was told.

“Where do you reckon yer going then?”

“Gordon Bay City.”

“Why would anyone want to go there?”

“I need to have an argument with a goblin.”

“Ah, right.”

And with that the little Morales JCN whooshed off down the street and out of sight.

It came back about thirty seconds later to allow the driver to enquire as to how one went about switching on the satnav, but it did whoosh off again after that.

TO: The President of The Eastern Westlands of Sorthern Northland, Jimmy Sheridan
FROM: Major General of the Military Junta of the Sorthern Northland Army Football Association, Dick O'Reilly,

ATTTENNNSHUUUUN! Mr President,

Hello and good day to you Sir. I hope you made it to your little party in Starblaydia safe and sound. I'm sure the event will be a good laugh for you and the lads and I'm sure Former President Ben O'Bagels is already having a merry time and being sociable in his own way.

Party greeting are not the reason I am writing to you however. The reason is WAR! As I'm sure you know the military recently took over the SNFA and turned the football team into a squadron of crack soldiers who can fight with the best.

Our problem though is resources and hardware. You see as commendable as your government is it simply doesn't put enough money into investing in the military this can quite clearly be seen in the Army Football Teams recent battles on the pitch. Against a fellow army squadron (Jeru FC) we once against scored five which shows we are fine at attacking manoeuvres and have the equipment to attack.

It is whether we can defend ourselves that I am worried about. In the Jeru game the enemy combatants managed to break our lines on three occasions and scored three of these things they call "goals". Today we went one worse as a Jack the Ripper and Ron Weasley inspired Kosovoe managed to break our lines on four occasions scoring four "goals". Jack the Ripper even attempted to kill our goalkeeper/Field Marshall Jonny Sage and but for some brilliant work with the bayonet by Jua Huwang he would have succeeded. Thankfully though, Jua, Roy Kin, Feng Shui, Gregory Pinoc and Jing Mao each broke the enemies lines each on one occasion to score us five of these goals and win us the WAR!

But our defences are weakening and with the Slani to come soon we need our men to have the best equipment at hand if they are to defend the inevitable bombardment form the Slani's. Therefore I propose you raise the military budge by a mere 4750000000000000000SNRubles to allow us to purchase and construct necessary items such as Missile Defence systems, Nuclear Weapons, more secret underground bunkers at the stadium, and a huge huge number of personnel to go behind enemy lines to find out the sneaky blighter's strategies. Remember if these vital measures are not taken the very fabric and existence of our nation our under a severe threat. We must not let the Captializts win. And if you don't succumb to my demands I shall do something terrible, like shoot you with my water gun. You wouldn't want that now would you?


Yours Destructively,
Major General Dick O'Reilly

PS: Enjoy the party.
PPS: I've also made some nifty graphs of what my plans would help the army achieve. They can be viewed here (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jwj0gLriTnk&feature=related).

http://www.freewebs.com/abduldukhirahiq/Eenadu%201.PNG

Translated from Pazhujebi to English by Tertius Shajarrayam

Rujananja Dinner Theatre Complete Failure, Closes After One Week

The brainchild of Pazhujebi visual artist Lucius Akhejlus II, the Rujananja Dinner Theatre has been closed after one week since its opening. Poor reviews of its first show, The Whole Darn Shooting Match, were universally poor, with one critic declaring that he had "seen better and more interesting drama while watching a homeless person eat grass. Many other audience members clearly felt the same way I did, as I witnessed several people a few tables down vomiting after the artificial-looking kiss at the end of Act 2." This allegation has been reported by others as well, though concerns about food poisoning many provide some explanation... (continued on page N9)

Mission: Impossible 17 To Be Filmed In Part In The Pazhujeb Islands

World famous actor Crom Tuise, a well-known Scientologist, has apparently reported that his admiration of the "primitiveness" of the Pazhujebi health care system has led him to announce that part of his in-production film Mission: Impossible 17 will be filmed on Fajr Island, in the cities of Urajbina and Fajr, as well as a two-day shoot in the Central Jungle. Although many fans of the charming and unbelievably hot Mr. Tuise are delighted to see him visiting, others have labeled his characterization of the Islands' health care system as "totally ignorant and blatantly inappropriate." In fact, one government official went so far as to say, "if he did his research, he would discover that most drugs are entirely legal in this country. What a moron." The also-unbelievably hot Hatie Kolmes, Mr. Tuise's child-bearing wench, will reportedly accompany the filming crew to the Pazhujebs... (continued on page Q17)

Mystery Nation Turns Out To Be Vampire-Infested Hellhole, National Team Loses

Expecting only the best of treatment during their away match in Diojiu during World Cup 40 qualifying, the national football team of the Pazhujeb Islands were startled to discover that the nation is populated exclusively by pathetically lonely, emotionally unstable, and ravenously hungry vampires. Although their hotel stay the night before the match was reportedly uneventful, the match against the Diojiu national team was an unmitigated disaster, with the two nil scoreline being the least of the Urchins' problems.

In the 63rd minute, attacker Herodotusam Guvidhipa was bitten by a Diojiu striker in the neck. It was feared that Mr. Guvidhipa would be killed from blood loss, however, according to Diojiuan tradition, opposing players are never killed during matches, rather, it is a tradition to turn one or two players from the opposite side into vampires.

A medical review after the match confirmed that Mr. Guvidhipa had in fact been turned into a vampire, and that some sort of medical antidote would have to be discovered, and fast, before he turned on his teammates. He has been quarantined at a hospital in Mahathu, back home on the Pazhujebs.

The injury and/or affliction will obviously sideline Mr. Guvidhipa, which creates problems for the national squad, as another striker, Chaya Vuhumkara, is already out because of suspension. This leaves the Urchins with only two strikers on the entire roster, Pav Panithaj and Fidesta Qiva (who many argue is more of an attacking midfielder than a striker), who will both become starters now.

To continue, in the 70th minute, Urchins goalkeeper coach Rashid Wajirbad was attacked by a coach from the Diojiu dugout, bitten in the neck, and died. Apparently the Diojiuans felt well within their rights to drink the blood of the opposing teams coaches, even though they apparently refrain from wholesale murder of players. Charges have been filed with international authorities about the incident, but it is not expected that authorities will be able to take any action.

Finally, in the 80th minute, a tradition which was previously unknown to the Pazhujebis was indulged in by the Diojiuans, that of flooding the pitch two inches deep with sheep blood. At this point, the national team was already down one nil and any hopes of salvaging a point from the tie were completely dashed. The Diojiuans were obviously used to playing on a pitch flooded with blood, and scored again in the second minute of stoppage time. Manager Jaime Oberlander was beside himself after the match, and refused to talk with reporters.

The loss puts the Urchins in a precarious position in Group 4, as a grand total of four points puts them in a three way tie with two other sides. Concern is growing now about the possibility of qualification for the Pazhujeb Islands.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/diojiu.png Diojiu 2
(No squad was released, but they were clearly all bloodthirsty vampires. The team made no substitutions and received no cards.)

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/the_pazhujeb_islands.png Pazhujeb Islands 0
Amutarrad; Tushambanda, Lissama, Idarha (Zulqadr 55'), and Rha; Parokshara (Bicharna 78'), Abadhyash, Quridheru, and Ghur; Panithaj and Guvidhipa (Qiva 64')

Referee: Kevin McElroy (Kura-Pelland)

Goalscorers-
MFA: Anonymous Vampire A 19', Anonymous Vampire B 90+2'
TPI: (none)

Matchday 1: Beer Served Here - Pazhujeb Islands (3-1 W)
Matchday 2: Pazhujeb Islands - The Archregimancy (@ Bengaluru Velodrome in Bengaluru) (2-2 D)
Matchday 3: Diojiu - Pazhujeb Islands (0-2 L)
Matchday 4: Pazhujeb Islands - Kolanderaz (@ K'arasiam Sarvatobhav in Pkethat Hevnaje)
Matchday 5: Squornshelous - Pazhujeb Islands (@ Vogsphere Arena in Vogsphere)
Mid-Qualifying Friendly Match: Pazhujeb Islands - Holy Empire (@ Bengaluru Velodrome in Bengaluru)
Matchday 6: Pazhujeb Islands - Beer Served Here (@ Therakham Coliseum in Mahathu)
Matchday 7: The Archregimancy - Pazhujeb Islands (@ A Peaceful Woodland Glade in the Dreamed Realm)
Matchday 8: Pazhujeb Islands - Diojiu (@ Therakham Coliseum in Mahathu)
Matchday 9: Kolanderaz - Pazhujeb Islands
Matchday 10: Pazhujeb Islands - Squornshelous (@ Zhevassi Athletic Field in Zhevassi)
Post-Qualifying Friendly Match: Pazhujeb Islands - Starblaydia (@ Zhevassi Athletic Field in Zhevassi)

http://www.freewebs.com/abduldukhirahiq/Eenadu%202.PNG

KLVE 8
Breaking News: Man Gunned Down by Police at Crosscom Identified

Akeno Ni’ijima: The man shot and killed by Hoji police officers in a Crosscom Global Arena parking lot was identified early this morning by HPD. KLVE 8's Isaki Kitao has the story live from Crosscom Global Arena.

Isaki Kitao: Daiki Muro, Ujiyuki Tojo, Atshushi Watanabe. Just three of the known aliases of thirty two year old Bairei Isei Namiki, of Fujiyaba, the man Hoji police shot to death yesterday at Crosscom Global Arena.

A public records search of Namiki by KLVE reveals twenty-two convictions including convictions for assault, cruelty to animals and domestic violence in addition to many auto related convictions. Namiki was currently on probation for drug charges at the time of the shooting. Autopsy results are still pending.

Under more public scrutiny than ever before in light of the three officer involved shootings in less than a month, the Hoji Police Department is taking extra time to investigate the shooting, and yellow crime scene tape marks the somber scene where Namiki died. And though much of the commotion has died down, a few investigators still remain, and should be finished within the hour.

“I think a lot of people are questioning the department’s use of force right now, and accusations are flying that are pure nonsense that the officers are trigger happy. And the truth is we take every precaution, every care, not to shoot and kill someone.”
Ikki Ino
City of Hoji Attorney

This, as a protest group known as Hoji Citizens Against Police Brutality is pursuing an emergency demonstration permit from the Hoji City Council and organizers say they have hundreds ready to protest outside of Crosscom Global Arena before, and during the match against Taeshan.

“The police are getting militant these days and we’re the enemy now. Three police shootings in one month says we need to get out there and get organized. We need to tell the police that there are other options than just gunning down citizens.”
Soza’atsu Kon
Hoji Citizens Against Police Brutality

The Hoji City Council has been very liberal toward groups wishing to protest or demonstrate on city streets and in public areas, and Kon says he’s confident his group will get the emergency permit. Kon says he’s planning a demonstration outside Crosscom Global Arena during the Taeshan game to get the most publicity as possible for his cause. An idea he says, that will work.

Meanwhile neighbors and friends of Bairei Isei Namiki say he battled addiction to crystal methamphetamine and was prone to violent outbursts.

“He was an evil person. I didn’t get along with him at all. I would always hear them fighting...the wife and him. He was very secretive but you could tell he had some skeletons in his closet.”
Kinue Ibuke
Neighbor

“He let his drug addiction control him instead of him controlling his drug addiction and that’s what got him in trouble. He said he wanted to turn his life around, but he didn’t have the means or the will to do it. He was a weak person...and that’s tragic.”
Onshi Tatenaka
Friend

An internal investigation is still underway as HPD reviews the use of force in this incident, and security here at Crosscom Global Arena has been stepped up considerably for the safety of the community. Stay with KLVE for any late breaking and developing news on the Crosscom shooting. Live from Crosscom Global Arena, Isaki Kitao.

“We thank thee O Lord of Scores for the plentitude of thy bounty in our match with Bazalonia this past day.” Brother James began to the beaming congregation. “ We thank thee O Lord of Scores, for the unceasing bounty of our first three matches that we may move atop our group so far. Let this glorious triumph of Thy will be a lesson to the unbelievers across the world who disrespect Thy power and mock the efforts of Thy faithful. May Thy will continue to be done that our scores shall continue to rise like the tide and our opponents fall before Thy divine will. Amen.”

“Amen” replied the congregation as they left the church and made their way to the soccer field for the post mass team lottery.

“Brother James a word if I may.” Asked Brother-Sister Emily as Brother James was preparing for the Rite of the Team selection.

“Yes what is it?” Brother James asked his neice.

“Why are we letting those Keeperists continue to tell those foul lies against Our Lord? Surely they should be banished or something. Especially Brother John, he started this blasphemy!” she demanded continuing her long standing argument over the past few years.

“Brother-Sister Emily, it is not for us to decide the fate of the unbelievers but rather to get them to see the truth in their own time. Did we banish the heresies of those who thought all sports should be included in the worship of our Lord? Did the followers of those who felt that all sports which used a round ball as an alternate symbol of our Lord get thrown away? No they still remain and have come to repent of their folly as these shall as well. After all over 98% of our people who attended the Religious Policy Making Meeting two years ago agreed this was another folly. And most have returned to the true faith. Patience my neice. You will need it if someday you are to follow in my footsteps here.” Brother James explained.

“So we are to just sit and wait for them? Surely the Lord of Scores would not be so defensive minded and instead attack His foes!” Brother-Sister Emily retorted.

“Violence will not solve these problems. Look at the soccer riots before the Lord of Scores was revealed. The results did not change and people merely got hurt for no reason. The Prophetess Margaret was patient enough to wait until I saw His light of truth. She did not smite me or anyone else for not seeing His truth until it was time for him to be revealed to us. His success shall prove His truth to all. Brother Lee is doing well to spread His word. Many have called seeking to learn and understand our path which is of course His path. Our numbers will grow and He shall be pleased. The false beliefs shall fade away under the light of truth.” Brother James answered calmly.

“If you say so uncle.” Brother-Sister Emily replied not looking too convinced but unwilling to argue further as she knew she was delaying the choosing of the teams with this discussion. Without another word she turned and walked away.

Ah the impetuousness of youth. Brother James thought as he made his way to the soccer field.

The Critically Unaclaimed Nespaper

Knightd Tie Yaforite shoes together
In a crucial game yesterday in yafor 2 the Purple Knights of Taeshan took on the Yafor 2 Golden Wolves. The final score was a tight 1-1 tie. How did the knights get the tie, well of the foot of Tae middie Brian Ying Uing, who scored his third and final goal of qualifying in the 60th minute.
Yaforite middie Ahsian Vanadrin scored the yafor 2 goal early in the game during th 25th minute. Tad Montague was out due to the flu, and backup Joey Reunion couldn't stop the determined attacker.
As I mentioned before Brian Ying Uing is out the rest of the qualifying after he rolled his ankle in the 75th minute after a guy named prince from Yafor 2 hit him. Defender A.F. Falcon will replace him from a backup D position.
The knights face either the top or bottom ranked team in the next game, thenm they face the team they didn't face in that game. And the last first half game is a friendly vs the Han's team.

“From the NewsCentre in Emberton, this is KBS News at Nine.”

“Good evening, I’m Sarah Raszak.”

“And I’m Matthew Ortega. Our top story tonight: The number of Hockey Canadian refugees setting up camp in northeast Krytenia is now believed to be in excess of five million. The armed forces and border guards in the area have been unable to stem the tide, and are now attempting simply to keep the peace in the camps. Our Quinea correspondent, Jessica Grissom, has filed this report.”

The camera pans on file footage of the Quinneth Plains.

“The Quinneth Plains. A vast expanse of grassland, extending for over three hundred miles between the cities of Quinton and Linford, with only the odd village in between…until three weeks ago.”

Switch to dystopian scenes in Otnorot, Hockey Canada.

“That’s when the Communist government of Hockey Canada collapsed under its own considerable weight, plunging the nation’s economy in ruins and leading to anarchy on the streets. The nation’s armed forces were overwhelmed, and many of the nation’s people were killed in rioting and mob violence in the streets of Otnorot. Those who managed to flee the cities made their way south through the snow, ice, and tundra to the Krytenian border.”

Film of refugees trudging through a blizzard.

“Unfortunately, the days walking in the sub-zero temperatures have taken their toll, with many surviving the carnage in the streets only to succumb to hypothermia or exposure. Ike Raymond lost his wife to the cold the night after they left Otnorot.”

Ike Raymond, a dishevelled, bearded man, appears in front of the camera.

“Poor Shelley, she were never the strongest of girls…(sniff)…she didn’t stand a chance. We wrapped her…(sniff-sniff)…w-we wrapped her in all our spare coats…(sob)…b-but in the morning she was…(blubber)…she was just so cold (wail)!”

The camera pans across the plains again. Large groups of tents and rudimentary dwellings made from scrap metal and wood can be seen.

“The survivors got to the border, where sheer numbers overwhelmed the Krytenian guardsmen who were loath to shoot at them. They have set up rudimentary settlements made from whatever they have been able to salvage, and whatever residents in the region have been able to spare.”

And finally, Jessica in front of a group of dwellings.

The question remains, however: what is the Government going to do with a refugee population the size of a city?”

“This is Jessica Grissom, KBS News, Quinea.”

Yaforite Training Facility, After the Northern Bettia Game

Gerod Flamer breathed out, slightly, expelling the air that had built up inside of his chest. He was far from content - in fact, totally the opposite, but his face looked like the fact of a model national team coach, calm and collected. In truth, his mind was raging, fear swirling inside of his chest, and some kind of anger. Nonetheless, his inner turmoil was not displayed at all on his face - anyone looking at him would have had the opposite emotions conveyed. However, the emotion that was riding his body overall, the emotion that was truly the overriding emotion in his body was concern. Flamer was concerned - concerned for his players, concerned for his team, and concerned about their performance.

The medical area of the training facility had been crowded after the game for hours. "System Obani", as the Northern Bettians called their method and style of play, was renowned for its roughness and, well, its cheating. Every Yaforite player who had been on the pitch had had to come to the Golden Wolves' medical facilities after the match. However, once they had been treated for the bruises, cuts, and pulls that they had all suffered, still two players remained in the medical area. Starting striker Zyante Meleherat, one of the best solo strikers in the history of the Grand Democratic Duchy, who played for his home team, Cardarel FC, despite gathering interest throughout the rest of the sporting world, was one of the players. Attacking midfielder Iktam Velastros, who played for Petrol in Cafundeu, a player who knew precisely what he was doing and was contemplating retirement, was the other. They both had been injured far worse than everyone else on the team.

Behind Flamer stood Captain Prince Sebard and Vice-Captain Lhatis Riegan. Each portrayed their concern for their teammates on their faces, each mirrors of disappointment and, almost, fear. "How is Iktam looking, doctor?" It was not the place of the Vice-Captain to speak, but he was very tense - Gerod was willing to give up a bit of politeness, something he normally enforced, for extenuating circumstances. After all, it was the same question that had been running through his head, and, he was sure, the Captain's head as well. The doctors were still looking at Zyante Meleherat, but the head doctor had come outside to report what they had found on the starting attacking midfielder Iktam Velastros.

"It isn't looking good, Lhatis." The head doctor's face was a mixture of disappointment, unhappiness, and sadness, both for Iktam, and, Gerod imagined, for the team, as well. The medical staff of a team were as much supporters as any of the fans. Sometimes, much more so. Moving towards Gerod Flamer, the head doctor began to deliver his report. "Iktam is very badly injured. Apart from the cuts, lesions, pulls, and so forth that all the rest of the players were suffering, he's got a major injury to his left leg." The head doctor removed an X-Ray of Iktam Velastros' leg from the manila folder at his side. "As you can see here, he's broken his left femur in three places. There's a clean break here - that will take less time to heal. The problem, however, lies in this." The head doctor indicated the X-Ray with his hand.

"These two are very dirty breaks - I wouldn't even know how to differentiate the two. These will take longer to heal." The head doctor pursed his lips and faced the Captain, Vice-Captain, and Manager of the Golden Wolves full on. "The problem lies in the fact that his body needs to, well, untangle itself before it begins to heal. We're going to try to do everything that we can, but we really do not want to mess around with this so much. It could be a lot worse." His voice moved away from the lecturing tone it had taken not long before, and, instead, it became much more personal. Much more frightening. "I'm very sorry." Gerod Flamer nodded, but before he could speak, another doctor entered the room, his face grave, and whispered into the ear of the head doctor. A short whispering conference took place, and then the second doctor exited the room.

"I'm afraid that the news for Zyante is a little bit better." The way that the doctor said the word "little", from Lhatis' reaction, he did not want to know how different they were. "Apart from the regular injuries - and he had a lot more of them than the rest of you -" That was obvious. He was the only striker, after all, and he had played the whole game, in addition to scoring the lone Yaforite goal. It would only make sense for him to far more gravely injured, in terms of injuries all the players had, than everyone else. "but the fact is that he also pulled several muscles." For several seconds the head doctor explained in complicated, and rather graphic, terms about what had actually happened regarding the player. The Captain and Vice-Captain looked at each other. This was not good.

As the head doctor finished, Gerod Flamer took charge once more. "Lhatis, go and get Danilo." He paused for a second. "On second thought, get Vorin as well." The Vice-Captain nodded and exited. "All right, doctor. How long are they going to be out?" Captain Prince Sebard closed his mouth. It was clear that he had been about to ask the very same question. The head doctor sighed audibly and spoke. "Neither is going to come back for the rest of qualifying." The Captain silently cursed under his breath. "Zyante may be back for the World Cup itself, presuming we qualify." The addition at the end of the sentence was a particularly Yaforite statement. "Iktam is going to be out for the rest of this campaign. I would encourage you to call another player up between now and the World Cup or Cup of Harmony." This time, Captain Prince Sebard cursed very loudly.

There was a knocking on the door and Vice-Captain Lhatis Riegan appeared, followed by Danilo Silva and Vorin Dariegan. The Manager motioned to the latter two and they entered a small room. "You know what he's telling them, right?" Prince asked Lhatis. "Yeah." It was a short, cutting response. "He's telling them that it's up to them now." Both players nodded.

OLHO NO LANCE! YOUR SPORTS MAGAZINE!
$PECIAL $ECTION

WORLD CUP 40 QUALIFIERS COVERAGE - WITH GLOBO MULTIMEDIA
Written by Sílvio Ruiz, with comments from TV made by Breno Gavião

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E TOME GOLEADA! TIME EM ÓTIMA PERFORMANCE!

Before everything, this is a short match report. It happens sometimes, when the Olho no Lance! magazine has other things to talk beside the National Team. Today is one of these days, there is a chance that in the next matchday the same thing happens. But let’s talk about the National Team now. After a good win against Hopeful SC, which was necessary after the team lost the game against Dancougar, the Cafundelenses were ready for another easy victory and another good performance of the team in the game against Krasslor.

Yes, the supporters shouldn’t expect anything less than a victory. The Monopolists have an excellent squad, full with experienced and talented players. And Krasslor isn’t a strong team. But even with the confidence, many supporters were nervous after seeing the team miss many chances in the first minutes of the game. Krasslor had even a good attacking opportunity, which ended in the hands of Moisés. The supporters of Cafundéu could only breath with relief when Saulo took the ball from a defender inside the area and shot to score the goal.

After that, the Monopolists seemed more efficient, probably because they were already with the advantage. Krasslor couldn’t react, and it became an easy game for the red-black team, that pressured the opponent. But the second goal took some time to came. Krasslor could hold the Cafundelenses attacks for nearly twenty minutes, before Marcelinho received an excellent pass from Flecha, dribbled the keeper and shot with style. Flecha scored the third goal after a defensive mistake.

In the second half, Krasslor looked exactly the same of the first half. Without a good attacking power, suffered from the pressure of the Monopolists, and was able to defend very well. But the game was already lost for them, they were losing the game by 3x0! And Silveira made things even better for the Monopolists. With a nice long ranged shot, increased the advantage of the hosts. After that, Meback decided to defend more, as the result was more than enough. In the last minutes, Flecha scored another goal.

It’s true that Cafundéu did what everyone expected: a good win with a good advantage. But this will be good for the team’s morale and, what’s more, good for the team’s campaign in the World Cup qualifiers, as these three points can put the team in the automatic qualifier spot. And the coach Caio Meback agrees with me. In the interview after the game, he said: “A win by five goals of advantage is ever an excellent result. Krasslor defended well, we need to see that Cafundéu did a very good job. They’re in good form.”


CAFUNDÉU 5x0 KRASSLOR

Place: Arena América, in Abadia.
Attendance: 101,864 people.
Referee: Mika Jaasklainen (Squornshelous).
MOTM: Flecha (Cafundéu).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Moisés; Marcelo Rocha, Augusto César (Jorginho 78’), Alex and Souza; Silveira, Da Silva, Marcelinho and Moreira (Carlos Magno 68’); Flecha and Saulo (Gian 78’).
Coach: Caio Meback.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/krasslor.png KRASSLOR: no team released.

Goals:CAF: Saulo 22’ , Marcelinho 40’ , Flecha 42’/81’ , Silveira 70’.

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Cafundéu – formation for the game against Gweridijongya: Moisés; Marcelo Rocha, Augusto César, Alex and Souza; Silveira, Da Silva, Marcelinho and Moreira; Flecha and Saulo.
Coach: Caio Meback.
Style of +3

Match’s Referee: Mike Roc (Prux).

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WC Goalscorers:

5- Flecha
3- Saulo
2- Marcelinho
1- Moreira, Augusto César, Silveira

"...nice goals there, 3-you too, 5, need to keep uppercasing on those opportunities. 4, what's with you?"

"I got a gol, ¬did I^" Phillip retorted snappily.

"That was a dive. I'm not sure what so-somebody-"

"Soŋ Çaŋ-sūg?" suggested Andrew. (Playing in Daehanjeiguk had several collateral advantages.) "Is that supposed to be some sort of-"

"Close enough," Mcgimpy interrupted irritably. "But that was not a foul, and you got lucky. I don't like diving."

Tara, still injured from an overly inspired play on her club team, rolled her eyes.

"I'm serious. 30, you're starting the next match."

"That's you," Zoe informed Rohit.

His mouth made a small o. "Um...okay..."

"Barring an outbreak of form from 14."

The team meeting ended. "Anybody have scores from the other games?"

Natalie squinted at her cell phone screen. "We're still leading the group."

"How'd the Holy Empire do?"

"What do you care?" Andrew cut in.

"I'm on the team!" Her excited face didn't seem to notice his horrified incomprehension. "Well, not really, I mean, it's a simulation of me."

"What are you talking about?"

"The Holy Empire team. They've got players from the top eleven teams, then substitutes from the past."

"...The...past...?"

"Simulacra or something."

Well then. There was something to be said, Andrew conceded, for history.

Thinking of which, he looked up Lethislavania once he got access to a full-size computer. He had heard of them-they'd been around in World Cup 33 qualification. But he hadn't remembered who they were. Did that matter? As long as he remembered the important things.

As the Rabbi said to the hooligan: Your MD4 RP has just been cut-off.

Find it in a small jar here (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13580980&postcount=7).

Orixás deliver present to Terreiro de Ogum: three points!

“Depois de terem aprendido a lição de que apenas a ajuda dos orixás não os levará à glória, Exú traz um presente, vindo diretamente das mãos do senhor da justiça, Xangô: três pontos!”

And that’s it. In the first two games, the orixás weren’t able to lead our team to the victories. Not that they didn’t help the team. No, they’re helping us, as we are devoted to them, we made the rituals to call them. They’re still at our side. The fact is that spiritual power isn’t enough when the team has to play against superpowers of world football. But this time, things were different. The game was difficult too, but the orixás this time delivered us the victory. A lonely goal of Mestre Kacet was enough to give us three points.

Rennidan was a good opponent to play against. During the first half, our players had difficulties to invade their area, mostly due to many missed passes, something that harmed our football quality. Rennidan was able to take advantage of this fact and rose in the game, obligating Bibah to make good saves to avoid giving the lead to the opponents. In the second half, Exú, the orixá messenger, came with a present from Xangô: the goal, that came from the foot of Mestre Kacet, our best capoeira fighter.

A good victory that showed the world that the orixás must be trusted. According to Mãe Marta de Bibidim: “The orixás are here to help us. They represent the kind nature of God, we should respect them and follow them. Happiness comes if we follow the orixás.” But... what about Rennidan’s spirituality? A question that needs to be answered by our beloved leader Pai Alcir de Macaé, who says: “The búzios don’t lie: Rennidan has potential. Their spirituality is good, but unfortunately they don’t explore it well. Some rituals to the orixás can help them.”

Kereca Comes Back - Twice - to Earn First Victory

Today was a proud day for Kerecans across the tiny island nation. Competing in their home country for the first time, the Kereca National Team earned their first World Cup victory by defeating Fujisawan Territories in a wild match. The result was a bit of a surprise, as the 173rd ranked KNT upended the 72nd best team in the world in a back-and-forth match. In front of a packed Wise Field, the home side upset the Territories 3-2.

After numerous pre-game ceremonies commemorating the historic match, the ball was finally kicked off. The KNT came out in their typical 4-4-2 formation, with the same lineup as their previous two games. Kereca certainly felt the presence of their home supporters, and may have been a tad over-confident during the first half. The Fujisawan squad, in an attacking 3-3-4 lineup, had several opportunities to score early on but failed to produce any results. Eventually, a good thirty-six minutes into the match, Fujisawan Territories took control of the match. Forward Izukoza Yoko headed in a corner kick past an outstretched Jeremy McNulty. Her goal silenced the Kerecan crowd and put the visitors up 1-nil at the half.

Perhaps in part because of manager Cliff Carpenter, the Kerecan side came out much more focused in the second half. During the break, Carpenter decided to replace young midfielder Ron Mangrum with Kereca University starter Patrick Gillis. Gillis, playing on his home field, received a tremendous ovation from the Kereca faithful. The KNT stepped up their defensive play, breaking up any Fujisawan attack. After squandering a few of their own opportunities, forty-year-old Mike Allison, the oldest Kerecan on the squad, scored on opposing keeper Sakura Jo in the 58th minute. The equalizing goal stirred up the home crowd, who had been relatively quiet during the second half.

Their excitement would be short-lived, however. Fujisawan Territories mounted a terrific counter-attack and would grab the lead again just four minutes after Allison’s goal. Sharena Yoshifumi put a relieved Territories side up one goal with half an hour left in the match.

Our home squad was not yet ready to give this one up. Kereca upped the pace of the match, in an attempt to level the score. Seventy-two minutes in, the Fujisawan Territories coaches and bench looked in awe as Kerecan sub midfielder Patrick Gillis broke free of their defense to net the tying goal. Suddenly, three points seemed to be well within reach. Kereca never relented their offensive attack, and seven minutes later, forward Kevin Roberts scored his first goal of the tournament from just outside the penalty area.

Kereca took the lead, for the first time, in front of a stunned Fujisawan Territories side - as well as a thoroughly surprised home crowd. The underdogs managed to hold on to the lead and finish off an unbelievable comeback. Manager Cliff Carpenter was very pleased with his squad’s performance.

“This was a hell of a game, and an extremely important victory for our guys. The Fujisawans played real tough today, and I think we’re doing better than expected.”

The schedule does not get any easier for the national team, now ranked number three in Group Ten. Kereca hosts first-place Northern Bettia in what will assuredly be an interesting match.

In related news, the KFA announced that our national side will travel abroad to face Rennidan in an international friendly. The match will take place at the halfway point of qualifying.

Turks 3-3 Tynelia
The Turks came back from 3-0 at half time to draw level in the 89th minute in a spirited performance in which to hostile reception for the team was silenced after drawing with world number 9's.

The hostile reception may confuse the foreign fans, but the issue of sloppy play has been brought up alot.

In the second half the team looked injected with new life after Sinan Kose did the double over the Tynelian goalie and after much pushing Serkan Turkmen took
the last gasp free kick and finished of an amazing comeback.

This draw leaves them in a sticky position in this tight group but the hopes are still high and Coach Murat has saved his job once again, may our worst days be like this.

The next game is against Rejistania who are above us in the Rankings but we have shown that upsets - and miracles - can happen.

Simeone Di Bradini dreams.

Asleep in his Layz-cz chair, the comfortable recliner for the more mature members of society - billed as the finest export from Az-cz Gnomish Engineers (but nothing of the sort, actually mass-produced in a Lamonian factory), Simeone Di Bradini sees the stars above him on a cloudless night, black leaves on black branched blotting them out, making them twinkle high overhead.

The open ground met his feet below him, and his clothes were heavy on his back, his chain mail armour clinking softly, rubbing on the plate mail over his shoulders. A longsword hung at his waist. There were others walking with him, three of them. But he was looking up at the stars.

His foot was caught in a branch and the ground rushed up to meet him.

"Fool of a squire," said one of the men, larger than the other two, "keep your eyes from the Ashar, look to your feet next time."

"Take Brae's advice, youngling," a second man said. He was mid-height compared to the other two, but all three men were much, much taller than Simeone, "but not to heart. The Ashar burn for us all, and the truth is in them."

Simeone stood, helped to his feet by the shorter of the three seemingly giant men. When he looked upon the man's face, he was speechless, it was like looking in a mirror. Long, flowing blond hair, as in his own youth, a twinkle in his eye and a smile quick to his lips. Simeone opened his mouth but failed to make any noise. What is going on?.

"Braedin," the second man said to the third, "scout ahead. I do not wish to be ambushed so close to the village."

"Aye, my Lord," Braedin replied, running off ahead at a tangent to their own path. Longsword at his side, bow and shield upon his back, his dark green cloak flowing behind him. Clad in leather and chain mail, he made barely a whisper as he leaped through the undergrowth.

"A good scout, your brother is, Brae," said the second man.

"Aye, Lord Oberyn," Brae replied, he was enormous, of very short and golden-white hair, carrying an immense war mace that looked as if Simeone could barely lift it, "little brother is a fine warrior."

Lord Oberyn, Simeone thought, not noticing the Brae/Braedin similarities for now, is this King Oberyn, the very wielder of the Starblayde itself, for which his entire nation was named? This could not be. Certainly Oberyn carried a sword across his back, a finely-detailed hilt, grip and pommel poking over his shoulder, silver glinting in the moonlight. An amethyst jewel the size of Simeone's fist was embedded in the pommel, and the leather scabbard was intricately wrought with runes and patterns. Surely not.

"W.." Simeone stuttered, "What are we going to do at the village?"

"You ask too many questions," Brae said with disdain, "you are like my little sister."

"The village has been taken by some cruel horde," Oberyn explained, seeming not to be worried by why a squire would be asking general questions about a quest they had been on for three days, "and we have travelled for these three days and nights without sleep in order to clear the villagers of the vile scum before they are re-inforced."

"Ah, of course," Simeone replied, pretending as if he'd known all along, "my Lord, but I meant specifically, when we get there?"

"Kill them all," Brae said with a snort. That was clear enough for anyone.

On they marched, through the night across hills and through valleys, fording streams and brushing past trees. Simeone could barely take another step, his armour was heavy, the sword at his waist felt as if it would drag him to the ground. Still onward they marched, with no sign of a village, or even Braedin, after what seemed like countless hours. They marched in silence, broken only by the clinking of armour, the scrape of leather on leather, and the sound of footsteps and armoured boots on the ground.

For all his brutishness, Brae's senses were sharp. He halted the three-man band with a fist raised swiftly into the air.

"Someone approaches." He whispered almost silently, barely loud enough for Simeone in the rear to hear.

Presently, Braedin appeared on the path in front of them, bounding towards them with seemingly limitless energy. The trademark smile was all over his face.

"You will not believe this," he said, "I caught them drinking, around a large fire. They are certainly in their cups."

"Our eyes are sharper," Oberyn said, "and our minds clearer."

"Our feet are faster," Braedin said by way of reply, "and our songs are stronger."

"They will die." Brae said. And they did.

The four men assaulted the village, not worrying about the cowering villagers in their homes, simply focussed on slaying the drunken mob of bandits who had walked in one day and taken over. First they fell to Braedin's bow, then to Brae's mace and Oberyn's Starblayde. Even, too, to Simeone's sword. All that had ever been written, mused and imagined about the fabled sword was nothing compared to the hyperbole of seeing it for real, in action, splitting the flesh and ending the lives of evil-doers. Simeone's own longsword had not been made for him, the grip was uneasy in his hands, the weight too much for him to use comfortably. He wondered where, or more importantly who he had got it from, and how. The sword was battered and nicked, obviously bereft of real care, like his three fellow warriors took care of their weapons. If preparation was the key, it showed in their bloody work. Between the three of them, they cut down more than a score of bandits, but there were still more to deal with - Simeone had enough troubles dealing with just one in front of him. After what felt like an hour of combat, his blade found the torso of the man in front of him, steel kissing flesh and bone, the man falling at Simeone's feet.

"One good," the could hear Brae yelling, "two better." He had a coach who was like that, once.

The battle was won. Almost. The three man-gods were striding among mortals, mortals just like Simeone. Here were the First Men, the purest human beings of all, created before the lesser men like himself and the bandits. But another of the First strode through the camp, a man of immense size and strength, with an aura of despair that followed him like a dark cloud of flies. He slew one of his own men, a sabre cutting across his face like the crack of a whip, for the crime of fleeing and he strode on through the fire and clash of steel. For all his keen senses and keener wit, Braedin did not see him. Before Oberyn could cry out a warning, before Simeone's silent scream reached his ears, Braedin was impaled on the dark knight's blade, a sword through his back, sticking through his chest.

Braedin fell to his knees. Any sense of victory the evil one felt was quickly cut short, his skull smashed into a thousand pieces by the mace of Brae, a whirling dervish of death who slew all before him to protect his fallen brother. Soon the village was cleared of bandits, and they could tend to their fallen comrade.

"The river," was all Braedin could say before passing out, probably into death. The cool water of life had always been his favourite environment, and Brae ccarried him in his immensely strong arms to the running water that flowed alongside the village. Brae laid the body of his brother beside the river, his younger brother who had just died in his arms, a single tear trickled down the face of the enormous warrior. A crowd of frightened villagers had gathered around them.

"This river," Oberyn said to them, "what is its name?"

"It does not have a name, Lord," one answered, "it is simply the river, and we are the people of it."

"Today it is called Braedin," Oberyn commanded, "today and always."

"Then we are the people of Braedin," the villager replied, "Braedinii."

Simeone awoke, hearing a half-remembered voice fading away into nothingness.

"I brought you to view the events as they unfolded, not to alter them. You know who you are."

KENNETH: Sportscenter rolls on, and we'll do a reset on today's top stories. At the top of the hour, the game between Dancougar and Hopeful SC went final, and it's 2-0 to the Black Wings. The road win keeps them nestled in third place behind Quakmybush and Cafundeu, who will play each other for the first time in the final qualifying tie of the first half.

SCOTTY: We were hoping to have highlights with full rosters, this time, and I'll admit, we kind of fudged this one. To the home of Hopeful SC, where the sun always shines, even on a Monday, and all upper lips are kept stiff. First half, Black Wings looking to bring the attack early. Boris Boskov with the header over the bar, and a few minutes later, Hideo Ikeda takes a crack at goal, pushed wide left.

KENNETH: Minute twenty six, Akira Morimoto drives in on goal and wins a free kick on the hard foul from defender Onray Atthewsmay, who very nearly picks up a yellow on the trip. Morimoto sends it into the box, and finds the head of Jericho Leyton! Leyton pounds it home to make it 1-0, take another look, he fights for position and gets up over Arshallmay to get the header. Just before halftime, Hopeful can feel the positive energy swirling in their bosoms... they attack! Aleday Arpentercay... to Allyway Iltonmay... odd bunch, this. And the final shot from Arkinlay, but it hits the post, and Watanabe grabs the rebound.

SCOTTY: Second half, different half, same story. Hopeful's best scoring chance comes here, minute sixty three, Iltonmay takes the free kick. Awkinshay goes up for it, but it's too high and too far for everything, skips out of play and the Wings dodge the bullet. Shishio Jinguuji, he's roaming out on the right side, and in minute seventy three, he gets himself a goal. Jinguuji, splits the defense, soft knife through butter, and helps himself to a one-on-one with goalkeeper Adarray Reengay... five hole! Black Wings win this one 2-0.

KENNETH: Short groups this time around, and surprise, we're almost at the half way point already. Steve Teebone, what do you think of this madness?

STEVE: (pre-recorded) The Black Wings kept pace with the group leaders with tonight's good performance, a rare road win for the team that puts them at seven points from four games. But now that Cafundeu have hit their stride, the Wings may already be facing a crucial game. If they want a shot at the playoffs, I think they need to win at home against Gweridijongya. The second half schedule has them against Cafundeu and Quakmybush on the road, and the way those teams are playing right now, the Wings will be hard-pressed to get any points.

*******************************************

"Secret agents, huh?" asked Peter. "That's kind of cool."

"We're not trained for this!" cried Russ. "We have to go tell that guy that..."

"Whoa whoa whoa, hold up," said Peter, blocking his friend from the door. "You want to go in there and say you're just a civilian. You're worried about being blown away by some terrorists. Well, after looking at government secrets, our own guys'll do that to you if you run away. Even I know that."

"Dammit, you're right," Russ said dejectedly, flopping into his seat. "Okay, so say we do this. Where do we start? We don't have any leads."

"If there's anything I've learned from watching spy movies," began Peter, crossing his legs and placing his hand to his chin, as if in thought, "half of the job comes from being in the right place at the right time. Chances are good that we'll stumble onto a hot path. And then the hot girl makes out with you."

"Of course, that's exactly how it works," Russ responded, rolling his eyes. "All right, well fine then. They made a bomb. Who do we know sells explosives to random people?" They both looked at each other, eyes wide open. DUH!

..........

Peter and Russ approached a familiar fireworks shop. This guy would sell to anyone. And they should know. Peter threw the door open. "Yo, J.B., you up in here?" he shouted.

"In the back!" A heavyset man wobbled out of the back room to the front counter. "Oh, hey, it's the chicken guys, what's up? Planning another big sacrifice? There's the Gweridi..."

"Not today, my friend, today we're here with Bureau of Firearms and Explosives, division six." Peter and Russ both showed him their badges.

"Division six?" asked J.B., scratching his head. "First I've heard of it. Hey... I'm not in trouble or nothing, am I?"

"Well, not from us, since you really came through for us last time," said Peter, "but we still have a few things we wanted to ask. Just between us, okay?"

"We want to know if you've had any customers at our scale," Russ said. "Guys coming in and buying up a lot of things, or repeat customers. Anything would be helpful."

"I did have a few guys who brought a lot of random stuff," J.B. recalled, looking up at the ceiling, digging back. "Said they were planning a show for Milton's centennial."

"Milton?" asked Peter. "Damn, that's hella north."

"Do you have their names?" asked Russ.

"Sorry, but I don't, they paid cash for everything," J.B. replied. "Surprised me, too, it was a lot of stuff."

"That's not suspicious at all!" said Peter.

"Thanks, we'll look into that," said Russ as they turned to leave. "Just keep an eye, let us know if they come back."

Pentove sacked

As promised, the Vephraller Foutbiller Restritris has removed Umsaasad Pentove from his position as national team manager after the loss to Yafalonia & Bazor 2. Former assistant manager Parker Law has been promoted into his position. The loss makes Vephrall 0-0-4.

The Nationstates Inquisition: Yafalonia and Bazor 2

Stadia/ums of the Confused Identities

Stadium's yes we do have them! How else would we be able to play football, oh you mean "world-standard". Well as you know nothing here in Yafalonian & Bazor 2 can be called standard, whoever we do have 14 stadiums, yes 14 count them! 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14... yep there's 14 there. 2 on and Island, 6 on Yafalonia and another 6 on Bazor 2. 6 + 6 + 2, yep that equals 14.

Yafalonian Stadia

Big Stadium - It's big and it's ugly, located in quite the idealic setting of the Yafalonian Capital city Ferrywind Landing Big Stadium is the 2nd largest Stadium in the entirity of Yafalonia and Bazor 2

Medium Stadium - A medium-sized stadium, there is nothing really remarkable about it but it does reside in a fairly major city. That is Old Blue Breeze

Small Stadium - A very small stadium but still not the smallest in the nation, it has a quite cosy atmosphere getting tickets for this Stadium is quite hard, They are usually sold out. Infact it would be rare for the stadium not to be. It's Located in Runeshine

Random Stadium - Made out of Architectural Clay, this Stadium is surprisingly sound, however it is the subject of constant renovation and re-design. It has been known to have been re-designed and renovated during a game. You have to keep your wits about you in this place. It's Located in Wilddon

Miso Kite National Stadium - Miso Kite is just so awesome we named this cool stadium after him, Even at Miso's young age he's just so awesome that we had no option but to name a stadium after him. This stadium is just as cool and awesome as he is. It's in Hollybottom

Forgotten Stadium - We are fairly sure we have one somewhere... We think it's in Lanmouth, but it could also be in Pottersburgh or Iceborough. It's available to play games on.... If you can find it. It is a rather forgetable stadium.

And Stadia

Lost Stadium - I tell you, it was there yesterday! It was in Ossicclaw and then suddenly there's a new Waldo's there instead. I don't know perhaps I'm lost and it's where it's always been or it's been moved to somewhere else in this city... I don't know.

Unknown Stadium - I don't know where it is! Do we even have it? It could be in Sid-on-sea

Bazorite Stadia

Even Bigger Stadium - Yes, this stadium is bigger than Big Stadium, however only by one seat, it is also however just that bit uglier than Big Stadium as well. It it also located in the Bazorite Capital Camp Firedown.

Smallest Stadium - The Smallest Stadium known to man, it has only room for one man and his dog, Then there's the change rooms and the pitch itself. Getting the ticket for this place is impossibly hard, it's usually given away as a radio prize as that's the only fair way to do it. Oh and if you are wondering what else takes up the rest of the room around the pitch, it's the Stadiums carpark. Located in Gantrickvale

Unnamed Stadium - A stadium constructed from donations by a single anonymous doner, It even has a plaque to say that it was, however it seemed there was a bit of a mix up aparently the donor specified it was to be a Yafalonian Stadium, FAIL though he said "not" Yafalonian and so it ended up in Bazor 2 instead. Located in Icetol

Jode Heal Memorial Stadium - In memorium of the tragic death of Jode Heal in a one in a googleplex chance happening, the Jode Heal Memorial Stadium was built after the old Stadium exploded. "But I'm not dead yet" says someone who looks like Jode, talk likes Jode and smells like Jode. Who was apparently not hit by a peice of rubble 3.2 kilometers away inside a building where Jode's desk was as he was sitting down playing Space Invaders at work. Located in Hali River Valley

Rome National Stadium - All Roads lead to Rome National Stadium, one way or another in the city of Monk's Bybottom. There is even an overpass that goes right over the top of the stadium.

Ice-Stadium - Not made out of ice, nor has any real connection to ice at all. Appart from being in the hotest part of the country which Frequently in summer get upto 45C. Located in Tallenborough, no one really knows for sure if the "Ice-Stadium" has any real affect on temperatures in the area.

And now a brief look at the 2-1 win over Vephrall at Ice-stadium.

What? we said it was a brief look.

Assistant coach Chris Merrill approaches coach Brian Carson prior to the game against Kelssek.

Merrill: Brian, the players are exhausted. We need to do something.

Carson: The coach is exhausted too, they can rest when the World Cup qualifying is over. We shall make no excuses for the most pathetic performance in the Empire’s footballing history.

Merrill: I understand that concept, but Brian, you have to seriously look into resting people. And doing it now. Especially the Di Bradini guys.

Carson: Especially the Di Bradini guys?! I always thought that younger guys should have more stamina, not less.
Merrill: Brian, this isn’t Pocono City. We’re being slammed in the press over the draw. McAllister has been uncharacteristically inaccurate. Still without a goal. You have to remember, these guys have not had any time to rest.

Carson: Neither have I. This is our job. That guy working 80 workweeks at his office job is tired too, but he must still perform. We will make no excuses. We were flat, we thought that coming home and playing a side like Lithima, that we could walk over them, and that the result would just be a formality. We choked. It was pathetic, and quite frankly, we should be very fortunate that we even got a point out of it. McAllister needs to re-focus. He’s spending too much time out on the town when he could be, as you say, resting.

Merrill: It’s not about making excuses. It’s about making adjustments. Like the Brian Carson I know from Pocono City.

Carson: Well I hear what you say. Get me McAllister.

(Merrill leaves, McAllister is retrieved and enters)

Carson: Jeremy, it’s been one heck of a ride, but I am a little concerned about you lately.

McAllister: (rolls eyes) Look, I’m sorry for my horrible shooting against Lithima. The press is killing me about it.

Carson: You aren’t the reason we didn’t beat Lithima. Everyone is accountable, including myself. Maybe, especially myself.

McAllister: Yeah but the press still loves you. I’m doing the best I can out there, and I mean it. I know I have a reputation of being a party animal but I know when its time to get serious. You know that. But everyone has been so in my face lately.

Carson: Go on, tell me....

McAllister: It’s weird, I just....

Carson: What is it, Jeremy, it’s just you and I in here.

McAllister: I am so proud to be representing Newmanistan coach, but all this other stuff going on is draining me, and I don’t mean the girls. All my life, coach, I’ve loved football, I’ve wanted to be the greatest football player ever and I devoted my life to it. But it’s all just happening so fast.

Carson: I think I know what you mean, but go on.

McAllister: It was all about scoring goals. It’s been great in Putnam Lake. The Di Bradini Cup was awesome. The Baptism of Fire. Incredible. But it just..... just.... all makes people demand so much more. Nothing I do is ever good enough. I have one bad game and the press makes it sound like I am a pathetic excuse for a football player. I have companies I have never heard of calling me, wanting me to sell their products. It was all cool when it started, but now it’s just taking on a life of its own. The girls are the only thing that’s stayed the same.

Carson: I was there once, son.

McAllister: Yeah I know you were a great striker too.

Carson: Not just that, but in handling the other part of success. I have seen some great flashes from you, and I know that you’re intentions are top class. When I was young I felt the same way. But I was never in the world spotlight you are in. But I can relate.

McAllister: Thanks, coach.

Carson: Jeremy, honestly, do you need a break? I mean, a game off? I can start Drummond. We can tell the press you came down with the flu.

McAllister: (pauses) I don’t know. I mean, I.... Wow. Normally I would have quickly said, no, I want to play. We need to beat Kelssek, we can’t throw in the towel here.

Carson: It’s not about giving up. Drummy’s capable of spelling you.

McAllister: Oh, I know he’s capable. Coach, I want to play.

Carson: I knew you would say that. But if you want to come off, don’t be afraid to tell me.

McAllister: Thanks coach.

Carson: Let’s get back to having fun again. Relaxing, and not being so serious about everything. That’s why we started. That’s why we’re here. Represent Newmanistan with honor.

McAllister: You got it!

(OOC: In place of “game reports”, I’m going to stick with a player/coach interaction theme for the next little bit).

QSPNFootball.net WORLD CUP XL Coverage

MATCHDAY FOUR: @ Nethertopia.

In front of 90,000 screaming fans in Nethertopia, Qazox held off the upstart team for 88 minutes, but in the end, niether side came away victorious, as they finished level at 1-all.

Nethertopia's Souleymane Diakité tied the match on a penalty kick, in the 88th while Qazox' Anderson Tarricone scored first in the 34th minute.

Both sides battled in the midfield for most of the match and the heavy drizzle didn't help matters as both sides speed was completely negated.

The draw keeps Qazox in second place, as Green wombat lost to Scotchpineistan. Setting up a showdown in Qazox City in a couple of weeks. If Qazox wins that match, they will have set themselves up in great position to at least qualify for the playoffs.


QAZOX SCORING:
Anderson Tarricone- 3
Kallie Jaus- 2 (1 PK)
Renna Valladores- 1
Maria Cruz-Preli- 1



SCHEDULE:
Friendly vs. Starblaydia L 1-2
G1: @ Az-cz (18:00 QST, Slimes Stadium) QPSN L 2-3 (0-0-1)
G2: @ Iansisle (@ Iansisle 5:45 QST) QSPN2 W 1-0 (1-0-1)
G3: vs. Scotchpineistan @ Estadia Pika, Pika City (Capacity: 78,625.) QSPN W 3-1 (2-0-1)
G4: @ Nethertopia @ Falcon Stadium, Nethertopia. (Capacity: 90,000) QSPN2 D 1-1 (2-1-1)
G5: vs. Green wombat @ Qazian Memorial Stadium, Qazox City Capacity: 98,000. Kickoff time: 20:10 QST. QSPN

Mid-qualifing break (possible friendly vs Krytenia in Starblaydia. Would be broadcast on QSPN)

G6: vs. Az-cz @ Qazian Memorial Stadium, Qazox City Capacity: 98,000. Kickoff time: 13:45 QST. QPSN (and other international broadcasts)
G7: vs. Iansisle @ SaxerDome, SaxerVilla Capacity: 85,000. Kickoff time: 19:40 QST. QSPN
G8: @ Scotchpineistan (Location and time: TBD) QSPN2
G9: vs. Nethertopia @ Chek-Via Stadium, Fromburg. Capacity: 90,000. Kickoff time: 14:50 QST. QSPN2
G10: Green wombat @ Carrier Stadium in Wachovia, Green wombat (Capacity 73,000) Kickoff time: 18:00 local (17:30 QST) QSPN

Green Wombat Daily Tattler

GREEN WOMBAT 0- Scotchpineistan 2

Scotchpineistan jumped to an early 1-0 lead and added a second goal after Johnny Guadalupe and Joanna Hume were sent off with red cards following a fight between the two teams. Scotchpineistan, unusually only had 1 player sent off, despite Scotchpineistan starting the fight, and they had 3 players leave the bench.


As of now here are the current Group Thirteen standings:

TEAM W-D-L Pts GF GA GD
Az-cz 4-0-0 12 14 5 +9
Qazox 2-1-1 7 7 5 +2
Green wombat 2-0-1 6 5 8 -3
Scotchpinestan 1-1-2 4 5 8 -3
Nethertopia 0-3-1 3 3 4 -1
Iansisle 0-1-3 1 2 6 -2

The next match is at Qazox in Qazox City. Qazox is one of our main rivals and a win would be huge for the team's chances.

Some Jeruselem lads are watching Jeruselem play Abaio ...

Pete: Hey, why do we watch football guys. We don't even understand the rules!
Jim: The girls, the girls!
Pete: Yeah, Jeruselem has the hottest chicks on the field right now.
Jim: They can float my boat anytime!

Bob: The coach isn't too bad for a senior woman eh?
Jim: Oh, that Jane Ariddian woman! She's not bad. Fine woman for her age.
Pete: Nah, that Sister Marsha is cute. Pretty good looking for Nun anyway.
Bob: It's a pity she is a Nun, but she's nice.

Jim: That Kara Kool is quite a hottie, even she is a Jewish girl.
Pete: Yeah, she's a looker but she's too aggressive for a woman.
Bob: Still, I'm sure she'd make a man happy ... well, a Jewish man that is.
Pete: Nah, not interest in her much.

Bob: What about that Jennifer Sloan Karate girl?
Pete: A bit plain and she'll kick out butt if we tried anything.
Jim: Yes, she'd give us a big hiding.
Bob: OK, what about that Mary Magary girl.

Pete: Nothing much, quiet and not much of a looker.
Jim: No interest in her.
Bob: Moving along, Kate Sallad!
Pete: Now, that's a woman

Jim: I heard she's quite a bike like Dazza.
Pete: A bit firery like Kate Dallas though but they say she loves a party
Bob: Well, we just need to find the right parties first.
Pete: Let's see, what about that Mary Magalene girl ... don't know much about her

Bob: I think she's devout Catholic unlike the Dazza-class of Catholics.
Jim: Move along, she won't even snap at the bait.
Pete: The captain Scarlet Ferris, a classic Frenchie girl.
Bob: She is married with kids to an older guy

Jim: Well, French girls like being ... French girls.
Pete: She's a bit old these days but she's still good looking for her age.
Bob: Yeah, French girls don't seem to age much.
Jim: OK, Pauline Boshoba ... she's that Jewish defender.

Pete: Plain, but she likes to party too.
Jim: She's Jewish, I'm not into Jewish girls really.
Bob: Not bad but others are much better looking.
Pete: Oh, look another Dazza - Dazzarina Intern

Jim: I think she's quite slutty but then her name is Dazza.
Bob: Need to find out then!
Pete: She's not the real Dazza, she's hot still.
Bob: Yeah, this Intern girl isn't quite up to the standard.

Jim: Fiskin Dallas, a Dallas!
Bob: Cute but not that hot.
Pete: She's alright, but she's from the sane part of the Dallas family.
Bob: Nah, she's cute ... but nothing like we'd expect from a classic Dallas girl.

Pete: Jacinta Sallad! Now, she's my pick even if she does look like Jewbee Dallas.
Bob: I'll have to fight with you guys over her!
Jim: Yummy Sallad!
Bob: Every man should eat their Sallad.

Jim: Oh, three goalkeepers. All girls!
Bob: Kylie La Brai has nice boobs.
Pete: The other two are a bit plain but they all have great ball handling skills.
Jim: So, what's the verdict guys.

Bob: Jeruselem football girls are the best the world, for looks anyway.
Jim: Sallad sisters! or Dallas girls!
Pete: God we're lucky
Jim: Even our Nuns are great lookers.

Prux scores at least 3 goals for the 4th straight match, heading into the match against Wentland. If Prux wins or draws, they will be in first place at the mid-point break for the first time ever. Goals were scored by James Nobel, Matt Victor Paulsen, and Heff Jardy.


Goals:
J7Y- 5
James Nobel- 4
Matt Victor Paulsen- 2
Heff Jardy- 2

WANDERERS CONTINUE STRUGGLES

The pre-Cup prediction of the Wanderers being the team favored to get in most likely to fall flat on its face seems to be coming true, as they lost another game they should have won based on the rankings to surprise group leader Naboombu Umbongo 2-4. Trying to shake things up a bit, Head Coach Trevor Organ inserted young winger Amal Schraeder into the line-up for aging veteran Antonio Hall, who's been struggling, and young Schraeder didn't disappoint, picking up an assist in his national team debut. "Magnet Hands" was clearly still suffering from the bout of food poisoning that had caused him to miss the Demot match, uncharasteristically allowing four goals to a clearly inferior team. The Wanderers have to turn things around in the next couple of matches if they are to have any chance to make the massive play-offs, unique to this World Cup. However, it is likely that the Wanderers are looking at another Cup of Harmony appearance, as they are still trying to learn the new system that Organ brought with him from Candelaria and Marquez.

The following was printed three days after the Yafalonia & Bazor 2 match...


The Meice Journal
All the news that fits, we print!
Vol. 163, No. 295 - 10 December 1755

Sports

Prep's Mailbag
by Preptyrs Osprite

Just as another Vephrall national football team match means another loss, it also means another edition of Prep's Mailbag to talk about the loss.

We'll start it off with probably the most important question:

1. Was the VFR right to sack Umsaasad Pentove? from Pembace Pipletone
I personally think that it was a rather rash decision. But I do see where they're coming from. He's failed to win any of his last nine games (remember, he coached the U21s in the friendly against Dancougar too). And some of these recent losses have been pretty egregious. Uiri at home, and Pantocratoria? It's not the golden age of Vephrese football, that's certain, but every manager has his ups and downs. If the players aren't performing, it's not always the manager's fault. But he always gets blamed.

And I don't much like the VFR's tactics, either. After the two opening losses, they told him he could keep his job if we finished in the top two in the group, which seems perfectly reasonable to me. Then two weeks later they turn around and say "win one now, or you're gone". Parker Law had better watch his back, that's all I'm saying.

2. Should Pentove have played at least some of the starters against Y&B2? from Prorim Speocacks
Absolutely. Pentove's final move reeked of pure desperation. He knew it, the fans knew it, the VFR knew it, but worst of all, the players knew it. They looked strong for about the first ten minutes of the match, but after the first goal went in they knew their manager's ploy had failed. Though I will give the players some credit, though, they played a hell of a lot better than the starters had done before them.

3. What about Pentove's insistence that Ellime e Vephrall was cursed? Doesn't he just look dumb now? from Mantlom Pazyheas
Yep. He absolutely does. This will go down in history as the lamest excuse for poor performance ever. With the losses continuing overseas, even the nutjobs don't believe him anymore. In fact, I think Parker Law is trying to petition the VFR to move the remaining home matches back to Meice just to prove how silly the whole notion is.

4. Will Umsaasad Pentove be able to get a job anywhere else? from Idaleis Filler
That depends on how desperate Knoleier FE is. He won't take a domestic job outside the top flight, that much is certain, at least in Vephrall. Right now, though, I think he's pretty much alienated himself from Vephrese football for the foreseeable future. Maybe he can get a job somewhere else, either for a national team or a club side, but I don't think it'll be in Vephrall unless there's just nobody else willing to go to Ellime Grakey.

5. Can Parker Law achieve qualification for World Cup 40? from Pevonsont Sarashe
No, but it's not because he isn't good enough. It's because the damage has already been done. It's already a very short qualifying round, only ten matches, and Pentove threw away the first four of them. We're six points adrift from the playoff slots, which doesn't sound like that much, but there are only six matches remaining. Five if you go ahead and write off the away fixture against Zwangzug as a loss like I do. And even this next match, at home against unranked Lethislavania, will only be a draw purely because it'll take the players a little while to get used to Law as the head man.

So no, Parker Law will not qualify for World Cup 40. But mark my words, Vephrall will win the Cup of Harmony under his command. He's Bedistani, after all. Winning things is in his blood.

That's it from the Mailbag for this week. Pick up the Journal next Wednesday as I answer more questions. Got a question? Send it to Preptyrs Osprite, c/o the Meice Journal, 755 Steller Bingastis, Meice, Bektys BK1 335.

BATTLE OF HOPEFUL AND HOPELESS ANNOUNCED

In maybe one of the most intriguing friendlies the World Cup has ever seen, it was announced today that the national soccer teams of Hopeful SC and Hopeless SC will meet in a friendly that will take place midway through qualifying for World Cup 40 in Hopeful SC. It is expected to have the international community on the edge of their seats. Hopeless SC might be the favorites based on rank, but they've been struggling in World Cup 40, so Hopeful SC might be able to pull the major upset.



NICKNAME FOR HOPEFUL SC NATIONAL TEAM SOUGHT, INTERNATIONAL COMMUNITY TURNED TO FOR HELP

In another interesting announcement, the Hopeful SC Soccer Association announced that they are accepting suggestions for the nickname for the Hopeful SC National Soccer team. Other nations are invited to send their suggestions to the Hopeful SC Soccer Association.

World Cup 40 Qualifiers: 3-1-0 (1)
PQF: HAN 2-1 ESF (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MD1: HAN(26) 1-1 (167)ENG (@ Oromokojei Football Stadium, Oromokjei)
MD2: HAN(26) 2-0 (61)MGV (@ Sanghae National Football Stadium, Sanghae)
MD3: JAR(59) 0-3 (26)HAN
MD4: SJV(154) 1-3 (26)HAN
MD5: HAN(26) --- (16)CAS (@ Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, Hangyeong)
MF1: TAE --- HAN
MF2: HAN --- PRA (@ Gwangdong Imperial Sports Complex and Stadium, Gwangju)
MD6: ENG(167) --- (26)HAN
MD7: MGV(61) --- (26)HAN
MD8: HAN(26) --- (59)JAR (@ Munhwa Football Stadium, Hanseong)
MD9: HAN(26) --- (154)SJV (@ King Kim Iljei Memorial Football Stadium, Malnira)
MD10: CAS(16) --- (26)HAN

국제험담
International Gossip
Case #04 - Mujeongbu

In the Han Empire, there is one word that should never be spoken, lest you wish to be carried out of town by a mob: "Fire!" It's true. Two years ago, some guy yelled fire, because his shoe was on fire. And the people carried him out and threw him over a cliff into a river. He survived, but it just goes to show that people are really sensitive to things that start trouble. Stability is the one thing everyone likes, and whenever something comes to threaten it, people in the Empire naturally react to avoid or eliminate it.

Case in point - the Mujeongbu. According to Imperial Files, they're an organization that does not exist. But everyone else knows that they're a criminal organization bent upon global revolution and anarchy. They started up some time ago, perhaps in response to the lack of freedoms people were feeling. It actually wasn't the lack of freedom, but the lack of opportunity that stifled these people, and being the opportunists that they were, they decided to rob some people. They found such a great pleasure from robbing people that they decided to go about robbing other people, just for the thrill of it. It became such a problem that the Emperor was forced to send in troops to stop them. They were so upset that the Emperor disturbed a "good" thing that they rebelled. About 50,000 people with pitchforks marched on the capital, but because of Imperial artillery, they only made it to Seoan - over 1000 km away. Still, they refused to give up their cause and took the hills. They adopted the most radical ideologies only to further distance themselves from the Empire and adopted the name of Anarchy, that is the overthrow of the Empire's government and let people do as they pleasure.

They postulated that people were being oppressed by an authority, and that authority was the Empire. It isn't anarchy in the traditional sense that there is no authority in the after-state. In fact, they dreamt of making their own party - the Mujeongbu - as the head of the state, to ensure that people were free to do as they pleased. No more army, no more police. Only the will and way of the mob. The Imperial Government took this idea alarmingly and thought that the people were discontented with the Emperor's rule. It was perhaps the truth, but honestly, it wasn't as bad as they thought. The truth was that most people felt nothing of the Empire's wrath. Local cities are still run by local governors who only report to the Emperor, pay taxes for Imperial protections, and pretty adhere to the broadly placed laws of the Empire. In fact, it is possible in Shingang to commit murder and walk up to the mayor of some town because you killed the village thief. The police in the Empire realize a number of things:

1: Every citizen is trained for war in the arts of self defense. If one person cannot him/herself from harm, he/she has the dependable help of a nearby witness - unless of course, he/she is snobbish and everyone else hates him/her, in which case, they're mortally screwed anyway;

2: Every time the police intervene, it means that people become more dependent upon the government for civil defense, rather than on economic, social, environmental (as is the new fad in the Empire), and industrial development. The role of the police is - not as in other countries to protect the peace - but rather to arbitrate civil disputes; something like judges. I guess it's pretty complicated to explain to people not from the Empire, but it works.

3: The police cannot afford to be both good and neutral arbitors and defend people from each other. Therefore, the police are only effective in protecting people from only the most grave of crises, such as natural disasters, persons and things in common threatening the welfare of the community at large, giant monsters borne from the radioactive dust of atomic testing, and the occasional UFO encounter.

Nonetheless, the Emperor felt obliged to grant people with more freedoms of expression. Well, actually that's not what it was about. People tend to think that it was always about having more freedom - in fact, the Emperor decisively restricted freedoms, but in a good way of course. According the Imperial Edict of the 5th year of the Emperor Sunjong, a person could only express/exhibit his/her beliefs only if it did not already hinder the lifestyle of others and/or did not already create a problem for Imperial security. Essentially, the Mujeongbu became Imperial outlaws overnight.

Why the hell am I talking about history on this programming that's supposed to be about gossip? Well, as any well-informed citizen of the Han Empire knows, the well-off country of Casari was under siege by communists some time ago. No, not the kind that comes to your door begging for food - the one that holds a red book and looks like he's breathing brimstone down your throat. Yes, Casari was overrun with communists, if only other countries did not intervene. Fewer people will know that it was in fact the Mujeongbu that caused the majority of the problems. Well... maybe not the majority. What I do know is that they also had a suicide bomber in Bostonia some time ago too, ironically in the middle of protest designed to help people out in Casari. Anyway, there's been a lot of talk lately about how unusually quiet it's been in Casari. Perhaps a little too quiet. And doubtless the Mujeongbu are still in town. With the Imperial Team coming to town at the end of Qualifiers, you can anticipate that it's going to be a hell-fight - and I don't mean on the pitch. The Mujeongbu are going to come out and they're going to rampage the place. And then Bostonia will send their tanks again and run over people...that is, if they hadn't already taken out their tanks.

Anyway, I know I've said Bostonia, but only because it makes more sense. What the hell is a "Bostop" anyway? At least, their Emperor is named "Boston", not that I know what that means either.

Somewhere in Casari

A man is walking down a hall in a underground bunker that for some reason has the face of a thousand years of wear and tear. The electrical lines are worn, and shocks intermittently coming out are the best source of light. He soon arrives at a door, and knocks three times. A voice on the side calls: "Who's there?"

He replies: "Apple." He knocks again.

"Who's there?"

He replies again: "Apple."

"Apple who?" the voice asks. He knocks again.

"Who's there?"

He replies again: "Apple."

"Apple who?" the voice asks. He knocks again.

"Who's there?"

He replies again: "Apple."

"Apple who?" the voice asks. He knocks again.

"Who's there?"

He replies again: "Apple."

"Apple who?" the voice asks. He knocks again.

"Who's there?"

He replies again: "Apple."

"Apple who?" the voice asks. He knocks again.

"Who's there?"

He replies again: "Apple."

"Apple who?" the voice asks. He knocks again.

"Who the %$#^ is there?"

He replies again: "Orange."

The person opens the door finally, and before he can reply, the man shouts at him. "Dude! I've told you like a million times!!!! Two doors down! Stop the %$#^ knocking your %$#^ on my %$#^ing door!"

"Oh, so sorry." He walks down further in the dark tunnel, arriving at the door, two doors down. He knocks three times.

"Who's there?"

He replies: "Apple." He knocks again.

"Who's there?"

He replies again: "Apple."

"Apple who?" the voice asks. He knocks again.

"Who's there?"

He replies again: "Apple."

"Apple who?" the voice asks. He knocks again.

"Who's there?"

He replies again: "Apple."

"Apple who?" the voice asks. He knocks again.

"Who's there?"

He replies again: "Apple."

"Apple who?" the voice asks. He knocks again.

"Who's there?"

He replies again: "Apple."

"Apple who?" the voice asks. He knocks again.

"Who's there?"

He replies again: "Apple."

"Apple who?" the voice asks. He knocks again.

"Who's there?"

He replies again: "Orange."

"Orange who?" the voice asks.

"Orange you glad that I stopped saying 'apple'?"

The door creaks open slowly, and the man walks inside. Once inside, the doors slams shut, the lights flicker back on, blinding him temporarily. Inside is the greatest collection of communist, anarchist, Maoist, literalist, pluralist, unipolar posters and literature. He is greeted by the door handler. "Welcome home, brother."

He nods as he takes off his coat. "Brother Kim?"

Instantly, everyone turns their head up to him. "Brother Kim of Joseon?"

A few heads pop away. "Brother Kim of Joseon by the Yellow Sea?"

A few more heads pop away. "Brother Kim of Joseon by the Yellow Sea, where the pooping birds fly?"

"That would be me. Yes?"

"Comrade, we have a problem."

"Yes?"

The man looks up at Brother Kim of Joseon by the Yellow Sea, where the pooping birds fly; it isn't good news.

"The Han are coming to town. And they've got the list."

"The list?"

"The list of people who are exiled. If they find us, then we're dead."

"Relax. They'll never look for us here. Besides, the plan is flawless. There will be too many Han tourists that we'll mingle and then we'll kill as many people as we can kill. You did bring the soap, the tweezers, the 12-volt batteries, and the electric vibrators?"

"I did. I'm just concerned that it won't work. Remember the warehouse fire?"

"It wasn't a fire, Brother Song. It was a stupid email that alerted the Casaran army about our meeting place. Next time, I'm hiring a pizza boy."

"And what are we going to do about our faces? I mean, we're running out of people-who-look-Casaran people to do our bidding. It's become illegal to help us in this country."

"Hmmm..."

"Maybe we could wearing another color," Brother Song suggests. "I mean, all of this red is starting to get to my head."

"Are you kidding? This is the best way to get noticed!"

"And I thought we were trying to avoid getting noticed..."

Goal Scorers
2 - Jeong Jihun
1 - Kim Daeeui, Kim Byeongji, Baek Jihun, An Pilrip, Yi Dongguk, Yi Yeongpyo, Hong Myeongbo

Turkic Times
Celebrations erupt across the Nation
The celebrations have been sparked from the Turks recent 3-3 comeback against group favorites Tynelia. The draw has started the biggest celebration in Kose city with over 6 million people Turning out to celebrate the national Teams success.

The Draw has now made Murat's job more secure amidst fears that he was on his way out, after several lackluster performances from the team.

Sinan Kose said to the crowd "This is a moment we can all be proud of, whether you are a prince, or a die hard fan of the team!" The Coach refused to make a comment saying "I would just get emotional!" He went on to say "This is just a proud moment for the team and we're living the dream!"

Now as the team prepare for the biggest game that could make or break their hopes, Rejistania who will be looking to sink the Turks dreams.

Kose optimistic in build up
Sinan Kose has said that the mood in the Turkic camp is at an all-time high and that they fear no one.

Other members of the team have commended the fans at the Ibrahim stadium for the hostility, which was not out of hand.

The war chant that was sung almost constantly through the match unnerved the Tynelian squad and left them shaking at the roar that came after the 89th minute finisher from Turkmen

World Cup 40 Qualifiers 0-1-3 (6)
MD1: SOL(58) 1-1 (173)PRA
MD2: PRA(173) 0-2 (3)ESF (@ Praži Štadyon oř’Futbol, Praz)
MD3: BLU(64) 2-1 (173)PRA
MD4: PRA(173) 1-2 (153)AGR (@ Praži Štadyon oř’Futbol, Praz)
MD5: BOS(24) --- (173)PRA
MQF: TBD
MD6: PRA(173) --- (58)SOL (@ Praži Štadyon oř’Futbol, Praz)
MD7: ESF(3) --- (173)PRA
MD8: PRA(173) --- (64)BLU (@ Praži Štadyon oř’Futbol, Praz)
MD9: AGR(153) --- (173)PRA
MD10: PRA(173) --- (24)BOS (@ Praži Štadyon oř’Futbol, Praz)

Grand Hussite Church takes over Prazkoy Football Team

Well, it's official. The Prazkoy Football Team has been taken over by the Grand Hussite Church. According to a press release by the Patriarch's Office, the team was offered to the Church by the State, in a bid to reduce the cost of ownership of the team, and to turn the Church's profit-making enterprise into a valuable machine. Already, the Church has announced that this weeks tithes are to be a designated offering to the "success and health of the Prazkoy National Football Team."

"By the Glory of God, we have been given the opportunity to participate in the world's most popular sport. And we now have the opportunity to make converts among all nations," remarked one official associated with the Church. Bishop Grigoryan also stated, "We'll be keeping Štitlen as Head Coach until we can figure out if he's really good for the team. So far, he's been a godly man who prays every night and abides thoroughly with the Bible. He is even celibate, bless he who abstains from the godless bestiality! But he doesn't seem to have a grasp of football. On account that we neither have any clue, we'll keep him there. Fortunately, the players seems fit for the task."

Somewhere in Praz...

Bishop Kirûl Yaroslaw (keeruhl yahroslahv) was attending some matters at his desk. It was a late day for him, but the hospital was already overcrowded with newborn babies. It was typical around this time of year. But he received the word directly from Waček (Father-vahchehk) Wistern. "Oř'y Waček, we have word from the Office of Special Anomalies (henceforth, the Buru oř’Zoyku Specu: "Office of Especially Weird Things" booroo orzhe'zoykoo spetsoo - otherwise BZS). They're claiming that some country called Diojiu has been found to be a pagan entity that is begging for a rich and pure Catholic purge. You're the only person available with the new knowledge against the arcane."

"Evil demons?" Yaroslaw asked

"Worse."

"Hmm, transvestites?"

"Worse."

"Werewolves?"

"Worse."

"Pop stars?"

"Worse."

"TV moguls?"

"Well, not that bad."

"Vampires?" It was the one Yaroslaw was hoping to avoid.

"Worse." He breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh wait, forgive me Father, for I have lied to you. It is vampires."

"It's quite alright, Wistern. You can go perform the acetic ritual #106 and meet me in the confession booth at 6 o'clock."

"Yes, Father." As Wistern went away to go jump into a pool of acid ringed with spitting cobras, Yaroslaw held himself firmly to await the trials of yet another adventure to battle against evil. He remembered his last battle against vampires; he went through 14 bottles of Holy Water (actually 13, but he's a triskaidekaphobe, so he poured an extra bottle just for good luck). And he lost his entire company of priests. It took him several years to overcome his fears before returning to battle the arcane again. This would test him once again.

"Oř'yeci Čok'ya Waček, se'Čelsu duci'zit, duci'ťma yača'čok'yo. Duci'ťma royskoy'prive’ťo, s'Erit yabin se'Čelsu duci'ťma čitit'dêla’ťo. Ondi pan'ťma wa’ťeci duci'dâ’ťo, yeci'ťma or'čoy duci'yoni’ťo. Co'ňespi co'dâmon yeci'ťma duci'šimi’ťo. Royskoy'ťma poywoy'ťma he slâwoy'ťma wa'duci ya'prive’ťo. Amen."
(Our Blessed Father, which art in Heaven, blessed be Thy name. May Thy kingdom come, may Thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven. Today's bread may Thou give to us, may Thy forgive us of sin. May Thou keep us from trouble or demons. May all the Kingdom, the Power, and the Glory be rendered to Thee. Amen.)

(ooc: that was the most painful translation that I've ever undertaken, real language or not...)

The following occurs at the conclusion of the Rockets long awaited victory, 2-1 over Kelssek at Loudon Stadium (aka “The Jungle”).

Carson: Hey, Jeremy, I’m really proud of you today. Way to bounce back.

McAllister: Thanks, I thought our talk helped.

Carson: I’m glad your on the goal sheet now.

McAllister: Yeah, almost had the hat trick, but glad to get the two goals, and hopefully that will get some of these people off my back.

Chapman: Hey! Hey! I just wanna say, in the words of a great musician, “Welcome to the Jungle, Kelssek!!! It’s gonna bring you doooooown.... the table!”

Carrigan: “Ohhhh. We’re gonna make you bleed! Yeah!”

Chapman: “You can take anything you want, but it won’t any points times three!”

Carson: Ok my dear Leopards, settle down now! I just want to say, great job today. Way to bounce back! Congratulations to all of you!

Team: Rock-ets!! Rock-ets!!

Carson: Game ball #1.... goes to Kevin Dalton! For your big saves, especially there at the end!

Team: Kev-in! Kev-in!!

Dalton: Thanks coach!

Carson: Game ball #2.... goes to J-Mac! Finally! Two goals, and maybe getting us on our way. We’re in third place boys! Third place, that’s a playoff spot!! We CAN do this!

McAllister: Thanks coach!

Lewis: Don’t give up! We’re just getting start here, third place after playing everyone once if we can beat those Eighth Graders, so we can be third place after playing everyone twice.

Chapman: We can beat Kura-Pelland!! Fight everyone.

Lewis: Fight, all of us! The Lithima loss, even though yes it was technically a draw and a point, will make us stronger. Believe, and do it for Newmanistan!

(Players cheer, celebrate, and all that good stuff. Most will eventually head to Eddie Chapman’s mansion for a get together. Brian Carson though, sits down with assistant coach Chris Merrill in his office).

Merrill: Funny how it all works out, huh?

Carson: Yeah, I know what you mean.

Merrill: Weren’t they all saying, well these third and fourth games should be three, maybe four points. Lithima is the cinch win and maybe we get something against Kelssek? If we got four points out of the two games everyone was supposed to be so happy.


Carson: Yep, that’s what it was supposed to be, now we’re getting bombarded with this, oh we should have six points now, crap from the media.

Merrill: There’s no winning with them.

Carson: No, their really isn’t, unless we win the World Cup, something will always be wrong. They say they understand, then they still rock us with these crazy expectations. We let our guard down against Lithima. It happens to everyone. Look at Vephrall.

Merrill: Have you thought about the fatigue thing? I noticed how you made earlier substitutions in a few spots today.

Carson: I think so, but after Eighthgraderistan, we have a break, we have no mid-qualifying friendlies which I feel is a good thing. It will be our way of getting recharged for our home matches with Kura-Pelland and Milchama.

Merrill: Eighthgraderistan scares me.

Carson: Me too.

Merrill: Why for you, is it the same reason?

Carson: They’re in the mix of this whole thing too, and being they were in the same Baptism of Fire as us, I see them perhaps wanting to beat us more then they’ll want to beat anyone in this group. It’s not really about their ages. Most are like 15, so it’s not like they are a bunch of 5 year olds. They are physically capable of winning just as anyone else is as obviously these are some very athletic kids for their age. We must match their intensity. We absolutely must.

Merrill: Yeah, I was thinking more because of a letdown after a big win. But you make a good point, that’s why you’re the head coach and I’m the assistant.

Carson: Well thanks but you’re a big help. I’ve been wondering if we should contact the Empress about the monthly tax break thing again for, some additional motivation. We can’t squander opportunities, especially now with a Kelssek win under our belts.

Merrill: Not a bad idea, but let’s not get her involved, it has to be by her own choice.

Carson: Fair enough.

Zax-Im couldn't stand it anymore. He needed to get back on the sidelines. He'd been out of work for more than two cups now and needed the comraderie of leading a team into battle. While he had no interest in working for his home nation again just looking at the standings indicated that there were lots of jobs that he would feel comfortable doing.

Take the position in Vephrall. This was a nation with too much passion and enthusiasm to put up the horrific results they'd been showing so far. Perhaps Dancougar or Hopefull SC could be molded into fearsome fighting teams. Kose and the Turkomans and Newmanistan both showed promise. Acapais, a nation the Gnomes have been fond of since their earliest days of competition might be good. And hell, even taking a crack at lifting up Qazox from mediocre team to world power might be fun. Or maybe returning the favor to his former coach and taking over in Bazalonia could be what he was looking for. Regardless he felt an incredible desire to try to sculpt another nation into a true competitor.

He contacted his agent and insisted that his agent get his feelers out there for any possible jobs.

An inspired Milchama left Kura-Pelland sad and tired in a 6-2 crushing that pretty much ensures Kura-Pelland will not be taking the automatic qualification slot, although other results makes it even more improbable that Kura-Pelland will not be in the playoffs.

Milchama's aggressive style was obvious from the start, particularly in midfielder Noach Morelia who quite clearly hated Bo Phelps, and hit him and hurt him with an elbow to the face. But only a yellow card was given, and soon afterwards Morelia's through ball came through to Allen Varens, who duly slotted past Stephen Hill.

It was one-way traffic after that, the world's top Jewish side (is there any doubt about that now?) nailing Kura-Pelland to their cross and metaphorically killing them. Varens completed his hat-trick before half-time, and their new star James Gamliel scored two in the second half as well as creating one for Morelia. Some wondered how Milchama could expect as much from any other man as they got from Avi Belmowitz; those questions may well have been silenced.

Milchama eased off after that, thinking that surely they'd exceeded expectations, and that allowed Chris Chenoweth and Iain Belling to score late on to give the score an air of competitiveness.

The Cup is presently in the hands of UCS SLANI. Take that cup away from them, because Milchama on this form are unstoppable.

-------------------

That's the last of this series of Lloyd-Webber-quoting RPs (although I have an idea out of one of them now...) - TG/PM me with your guess as to what I've quoted this time!

Big Lead Blown, Tynelia Falls From First

Up 3-0 at the half, even on the road against a much lower ranked squad and you’d think one of the top ten teams in the world would have it sewn up against a team playing it their first WC right? Well you’d be wrong as Tynelia found a way to end up with a draw on a crushing goal at the 89th minute by the home Kose and the Turkomans squad. While the home team was rightfully celebratory after the match as ecstatic fans had an impromptu rally afterwards to celebrate the big comeback, Tynelia was at a loss to why they let the newcomers off the hook.

“Too much too soon.” Coach Lee Andrews said afterwards. “We got up too quick and then sat back on the lead. Those guys may be new but they nearly won the BoF. We got too complacent. It won’t happen again or some people will find themselves on the bench.”

All in all another down in an up and down cup of win-draw-win-draw. On the plus side this would indicate a win coming against Legalese in the team’s next match as they try to regain the top spot from Bazalonia once again.


---------

<elsewhere>

“Excellent, another draw and their cultist coach is starting to feel the heat. I told you Specialist Anderson that my plan would work.” Agent Smith told his associate over the morning paper.

“Still they haven’t lost yet and are only a point out of first.” Anderson replied.

“No worries, failing to get the automatic qualification will be the first blow against the cultists. I’m sure Bazalonia will get their revenge in our rematch. Now how goes the plans for the Legalese match?”

“No problems there, we have several of the oldtimers lined up for the appearance and the TSF had already been planning something since it was Legalese where we had our first BoF match and now its their first appearance here. So they had considered a ‘BoF memorial’ type event already, a little bonus funding and its all set.” Anderson confirmed.

“Good, let the people remember our glorious defensive past and the great matches played back then and they’ll forget all about these ridiculous football type scores we’ve been having.” Smith said. “Don’t worry Anderson everything is going just fine.”

Coach Banama: OK team way to bounce back from a couple tough games. Nice win and we’re back in third all by ourselves.

Tali Vindu-: I can’t believe what a horrible Cup I’m halving. 6 goals in 4 matches? Its like I’ve forgotten how to stop a shot now.

Fya Panai: Yeah they must have found some old films of our matches because we haven’t changed anything defensively and they’re going right through us.

Coach Banama: Don’t forget, the groups are much smaller this time around so we face more of the top teams more often. The first three matches were basically against teams our own rank or better.

Goru Lyani: Well we shouldn’t have any trouble with Sarejavo then. They haven’t won a match yet.

Fya: So? All that means is that they’ll really try for one against us.

Goru: Yeah but I mean we should have a good defensive game against them. You know so we can be in the groove when we play everyone again.

Minna Dawo: We’re at home at least, a good win at home will get us going again. I mean look at the schedule, our last six matches and 4 of them are at home. We can do this.

Leo Gasti: Yeah we’re only 4 points out of first and three up on fourth. A couple more wins and we can make the playoffs.

Minna: That’s right. I bet a lot of people didn’t have us clear in third like that. And that’s even with us not playing our usual maximum-super-ultra-defensive style as good as we have before. Once we start playing some Jariss style ball we’ll do great in the second half.

Coach Banama: That’s right Minna. Remember, we haven’t really played all that consistently this first half and we’re still clear in third. If we get it together we can still make a run at the top two and at worst pull away from the three teams behind us. But first its Sarejavo. Don’t look past them to the second half. Any team can win on any day, look at Vephrall- did anyone see them winless after four matches? Me neither. So we’re going to have an extra practice scheduled tomorrow.

<groans from the team>

Coach Banama: None of that, even you people know how shaky the defense has been so back to the basics tomorrow. Defense 101. Now hit the showers, practice is at 9AM.

Two Miles East of Turbani

The trio had made great progress and now were just outside of Turbani. All three of them were looking forward to entering the city, as they had only packed five days of rations, and the trip had taken them seven because of a bad storm causing them to seek shelter on the third day. Yet as they had inched close and closer to the city, night had fallen and they were unable to get a view of the settlement itself before having to make camp. Had they been able to see the proud city of the west, they would of been shocked to the core. A "bubble" had developed around the half of the city, without anyone being able to come out of it once they entered. What made this even more perilous was that the bubble itself was not transpearant, but jet black, and what seemed to be lightning danced around it's edges.

Yet the trio was ignorant to this development and were in good cheer around the campfire. Lethand had been able to hunt down a few rabbits and Forsci put in the last of their vegatables, so that they could enjoy some stew. Elwin had found gathered some water when they passed over the stream Harra. Along with their stew, they shared the last bottle of wine, and were pondering what they would encounter the next day.

"My brother's boss said that these cities are being possessed by an unnamed evil, and that this evil is infiltrating each person and then killing them. I find it hard to believe, but he said that he had a first hand account."

"See beyond the words of the frightened Forsci, the logic in that is quite flawed. The High Priestess herself has made it known that those being afflicted have no way of passing the information of what is occuring. I believe that the drow might be mounting an invasion, it seems to be happening the same way they last attempted to escape from the undercities."

"Both of you be still. We should not attempt to make conclusions until we have encountered that what we are investigating. Then and only then shall we make our judgements on the situation and proceed on deciding the best course of action. Remember your teachings in the Temple, they were not idle chatter, and our best used for situations like these. If you find yourself faltering, merely ask What Elune would do and what she would expect any of her followers to do in her stead."

And Hiram sent in the navy his servants, shipmen that had knowledge of the sea, with the servants of Solomon.
1st Kings 9:27


“…ig Blues’ greatest ever victory was all but assured in the eighty-seventh minute, when Rául Vélez teed up his brother; whose shot had enough power to leave Anthony Todd standing as the ball flew into the back of the net, sealing the Cafundó do Juta’s striker’s hat-trick. The forty-thousand packed into the MSS could afford to relax at that point, safe in the knowledge that past four-nil victories over Sorthern Northland, Northern Bettia, Gweridijongya and the Nires would be wiped from the top of the record books, replaced with the five-nil triumph over the East Antairees they had just witnessed.

“After the disappointing three-nil defeat in Bettia, Lloyd Donnelly had clearly hoped to put on a show for the home fans in the capital. Albrecht Turkish’s impressive three-nil defeat of Deportivo del Arapucera in the Champions’ Cup but days earlier had got the locals’ mouths watering for a feast of goals, and Donnelly’s team selection suggested he had an eye on that too, with Matteo Corradini starting in favour of the more defensively-minded midfielder Ben Head. His presence proved a masterstroke after just eleven minutes, when captain for the day O’Sullivan Caras fired in a cross that the young Antairees defender Lucius James cleared out as far as Corradini. The creative Albrecht FC central man opted to whack it back into the mixer rather than play anything fancy, and was rewarded with a wicked deflection off Andrew Ryan, the Gamboa FC full-back.

“The Candelariasian will certainly claim the goal, but there was no doubt about the second when Caras was again the provider, his free-kick flying across the box and landing perfectly at the feet of Ignacio Vélez. It would have taken quite some skill for C&M’s highest-ever scorer to miss from there, and the veteran made no mistake.

“The Baptism of Fire bronze medallists offered little throughout, though their defence held firm for the remainder of the first half. Donnelly’s tactical changes after the forty-five soon did for them however, with Ramiro Novo getting back on the scoresheet with a simple header from José Felipe Cassumba Domingos’ lofted pass. A fine run from Alessio Montano then pro…”

“Are they… Are they chanting my name?” Marcus Marshall whispered as TTO’s report of the match bumbled on.

“…lez, who beat Ryan to the ball and fired in from the tightest of angles for his second and C&M’s fourth on sixty-five. The party atmosphere generated a new round of chanting, as fans got behind the cause of Marcus Marshall, the Candelariasian tourist at the centre of a diplomatic row with Bettia foll…”

“C&M’s best ever win, and they’re focusing on me?!”

“Yes…” Lyndon Hernández MP, goo goo g’joob g’goo goo g’joob, sighed happily. “Although you don’t know the half of it.” He switched channels.

“…en Robinson with you on RZA through until midnight, we’re talking – of course – Marcus Marshall, what’s gonna happen, what should happen, what should our next response be, as a country, to his treatment? Terry’s on the line from Etienne nr Dyce; Terry?”

“Hi, afternoon Terry.”

“Nah, I’m Ben, you’re Terry. And it’s the evening.”

“Yeah, right, sorry. Hi Terry. Uh, yeah, I just wanted to talk about Marshall, ‘cos, like, y’know what I mean? If they don’t release him, like, we’ve gotta stand up to these guys, ‘cos –”

“Are you actually suggesting military action against Bettia, Terry, if we don’t hear anything from Marcus within the next forty-eight hours? It does seem a tad drastic but thanks for your point, Nic’s… in… Arrigo, you there, Nic?”

“Yes, Ben, Hello, I –”

“Whereabouts in our glorious second city are you, Nic?”

“Er, I’m in El Matthews, just outs–”

“Ah, lovely part of the world. Know it well, know it well. Yeah, what’s your point?”

“Well, I’d just like to say that I think this whole incident proves that Bettia, and the Muslim world in general I think, really needs a new direction, yes? In fact, I would go as far as saying that I think we all need a new direction, and I think it will come, Ben, with the second coming of Chri–”

*click*

“-eee-eee, Mar-ar-cus Mar-shull! Freee-eee, Mar–”

*click*

“I have a charity record?!”

“Oh yes. You’ve quite captured the public imagination. I expect you’ll even keep this win off the front page when we announce your release this evening.”

Marcus swallowed. “You’re letting me go?”

“Yup. You’ve perfectly adaquaetly fulfilled your role, Marcus, and the Bettians are getting really quite peed off with us now. At any rate, as we discussed, your job’s only just beginning. The press will give you a little bit of space for a couple of weeks but then it’s talk shows aplenty, ‘World Exclusive!!!!!s’ with the Mercury… You might find it very financially lucrative, Marcus.”

“So… All I’ve got to do is pretend that I was held for several weeks by the Bettian authorities on some ficticious charge of donkeynapping –”

“Attempted donkeynapping.”

“Right. And that they threatened to lop me ‘and off, but the government got involved and got me released and then I flew home. The end?”

“Yup. Pretty much. That nice Ambassador Sharpley says we can send you off to Trilan first. You’ll come back late tomorrow afternoon, ‘via’ Kura-Pelland. It looks a tad more convincing that way.”

“You know… You know I know, don’t you, Mister Hernández? That this isn’t just to make your government look good ahead of the election. I mean, I saw some freaky things in there… Like, I spoke to Mark Baker? And there was this little guy, um –”

“Llewellyn? Oh, he’s a poppet, isn’t he? You should see what happens when a Bwca gets a mard on, though. Unless you’re wearing a cross made of mountain ash round your neck, you better not get too attached to your limbs. They’re a lot more vicious than the stories say.”

“How… How do you know I won’t tell everyone about what I really saw? Destroy this whole conspiracy once and for all!”

“Then we say what we found on your hard drive, Marcus. And we could go round in circles forever like that…”

“Right. Um…”

“I’m got a bag of stuff, here. A goodwill gesture from your, ahem, Bettian jailers after this unfortunate incident. CDs, a vase, bag of nuts… ooh, a copy of Stuart Abdul-Rahim’s autobiography…”

“Can I have the nuts now?”

“Best wait until you’re on that plane, Marcus, yeah? Besides, you don’t want to spoil your welcome home dinner, do you...?”