K-P-V World Cup 38: RP thread [Archive] - Page 2

Daehanjeiguk

26-11-2007, 18:56

Qualification Tour:
Group 3
MD1 - Daehanjeiguk(53) 1-3 (9)Sel Appa (@ Hangyeong)
MD2 - Alversia(153) 2-3 (53)Daehanjeiguk
MD3 - Daehanjeiguk(53) 2-2 (33)Dance 2 Revolution (@ Hanseong)
FR1 - Daehanjeiguk 1-1 Jeruselem (@ Hangyeong)
FR2 - Sorthern Northland 6-0 Daehanjeiguk
MD4 - Mallatarsland(157) 1-6 (53)Daehanjeiguk
MD5 - Geisenfried(42) 2-3 (53)Daehanjeiguk
MD6 - Daehanjeiguk(53) 2-4 (18)Tynelia (@ Malnira)
MD7 - Hopeless SC(114) --- (53)Daehanjeiguk
MD8 - Sel Appa(9) --- (53)Daehanjeiguk (@ Nemnenait)
MD9 - Daehanjeiguk(53) --- (153)Alversia (@ Sanghae)
MD10 - Dance 2 Revolution(33) --- (53)Daehanjeiguk
MD11 - Daehanjeiguk(53) --- (157)Mallatarsland (@ Gwangdong)
MD12 - Daehanjeiguk(53) --- (42)Geisenfried (@ Pyeongyang)
MD13 - Tynelia(18) --- (53)Daehanjeiguk
MD14 - Daehanjeiguk(53) --- (114)Hopeless SC (@ Hangyeong)

After the game:

The scene in Malnira was irate. People were altogether chewing on their shirts, their toothpicks, their cars, their houses, and whatever else could be chewed. A number of people were hospitalized after they tried eating the cables. For this reason, the city was littered with blackouts, brownouts, and even a purpleout - heaven knows why. The Imperial Team had just lost 2-4 to the visitors from Tynelia - never mind that they were the favored favorites coming into the match; never mind that the Imperial Team was playing outside their home territory (ironically at least); never mind that Kim Yongdae was put out for a weekend, to be replaced by fellow tender, Kim Ho - they lost the match, and this made people mad. Very mad. Too mad perhaps.

Sang looked around them, and wondered how people could turn so vicious after one match. "It's not like the team is performing badly. Look! They're ranked third in the group! That's well more than enough to try to qualify for the Play-off round!"

Choe was just as adamant - "THEY LOST!"

Sang remained still and frowned his brows. "You know, a lot more could go wrong. You people are too crazy to care about things. You're happy when they win; you're sad when they lose. What are you when they draw?"

"We're mellow, as if we've just smelled our way to Hell in opium."

"Well, there were a lot of people smoking opium in the stadium - maybe that's why the Team fell out, because they were too doped to play right."

"No! The other team was more doped!"

Sang nodded, "Well, that goes to show, you people should be training your players to play when doped. Then your players will perform excellently even when doped. Apparently, Tynelia train their players to play when doped, and see how it's gotten them?"

Choe took a moment to think about what Sang was saying. "Are you saying we should start doping our players to play better?"

"Or worse... whichever it is you prefer."

"That's it!" Choe shouted out to everyone. But everyone was too doped to care what was going on - the Imperial Team had lost, and there was nothing to make up for that fact. Choe sat there, wondering why people weren't listening to him. "That figures. The reason why the Imperial Team is losing is because they're not listening to me."

Sang shook his head - "And that's when you know you've gone insane."

But in the mix of emotions that filled the stadium, a loud groan began to emerge. It was the groan of an adversary long ago met, and Sang knew its name.

http://www.macshrine.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/05/apple-zombies.jpg

"ZOMBIE!"

Sang turned around to find Choe, but he had already disappeared. It was evident that it was time to fight in the only way to find off a horde of zombies - with a spoon!

Sang lunged forward into the crowd and began to eat the zombie brains using his spoon. They were coming out in massive droves and Sang's belly was getting bigger and bigger. The monk had turned into a glutton, such to the extent that after eating the brains of about 3047837263847462737379362 zombies, there were still many more to go. He wondered all the while where Choe had gone, why there were so many zombies, and if his spoon would last through all of them. But then, providence came to him:

"You're supposed to shoot them down with shotguns."

Choe had apparently gone to the weapon store and gotten himself a shotgun, and began to blast off the heads of the zombies. Seeing now a much easier way to dispose of the zombies, Sang regurgitated the brains of those 3047837263847462737379362 zombies that he had already eaten, and spat the waste out into the sea.

Meanwhile, with a satellite watching the affair from far above, Imperial intelligence authorities were trying to figure out what was going on. Wang had one hand on the camera screen, while Hwang busily got himself some popcorn. "How can you eat at a time like this?"

"What do you mean? It's a movie, can't you tell?"

Hwang propped himself on a chair, watching everything that was happening. Wang was still a little upset. "What's going on then?"

"A zombie attack. Apparently, the Righteous Order of Animated Resurrections went out of its way to try to and kill Choe Yongmin, so he can't go and watch all of the World Cup Qualifications matches. But this Monk has come to rescue him from all of this trouble, and so he is killing all of the zombies to save Choe's life."

"Isn't Choe the one with the shotgun?"

Hwang didn't answer that question, laughing at all that was happening. Wang didn't feel too comfortable about a zombie attack on the Jonam Islands. "Shouldn't we at least warn the local government and tell them that there's a zombie attack in Malnira? I'm pretty certain that the Royal Family would want to be evacuated."

"Not a problem. Malnira is just fine. Take a look."

"What?" Wang glanced at a video feedback of the city, and saw that everything was orderly following the 2-4 loss to Tynelia. He began to scratch his head. "How is that possible?"

"It's called alternate reality. Things happen when we want them to happen, where we want them to happen, how we want them to happen. We're the guardians of the Empire - because we control everything. Of course, it's really hard work." With that, Hwang yawned. "It's also exhausting, but occasionally, you get the lovely fun-fests like zombie attacks and n00bish nuke attacks. Wait until you see tomorrow's rendition of Choe's adventure!"

"Isn't there the slightest chance that this reality could become our reality?"

"Nonsense! We wouldn't let that happen."

At that moment, Choe and Sang rushed inside the chamber with Hwang and Wang. "Wait a minute, how did you get in here?" Hwang yelled. "The door says knock before entering!"

"We did knock, but no one answered," Choe replied. "What are you guys doing?"

"We're watching you guys kill off the zombies."

"Zombies? What zombies? There's a massive horde of bumblebees with wretched vixens chasing us."

"Oh. Them again?" Hwang hit the 'BUG-BE-GONE' button, and a spray can emerged from the panel. Hwang took the spray outside of the hole, and dealt his death blow to the bumblebees and wretched vixens. Returning inside, he shook his head. "Next time, knock louder. These things have to be kept under control."

Choe and Sang looked at each other, wondering about what just happened. "Okay. Will do."

"Good, now get out. We've got a lot of stuff to do."

Choe and Sang obliged, exiting the building. "Well, that was an interesting morning. Let's hope we're not too late for the football game. I hear we're going to beat Tynelia!"

Sang shook his head, pulling out his wispy cloud. "I wouldn't count on it."

Cafundeu

26-11-2007, 21:23

OLHO NO LANCE! YOUR SPORTS MAGAZINE!
$PECIAL $ECTION

WORLD CUP 38 QUALIFIERS COVERAGE - WITH GLOBO MULTIMEDIA
Written by Sílvio Ruiz, with comments from TV made by Breno Gavião

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MASSACRE EM NOVAPSOLU: FORA DE CASA, CAFUNDÉU NÃO PERDOA OPONENTE E ENFIA UM GOL ATRÁS DO OUTRO

http://img108.imageshack.us/img108/7227/52000706kh9.jpg
Braddock gives orders to the team

The result against Estresse Intenso wasn’t a good one for the Monopolists, and, although the team continued playing well in the qualifiers, it needed to show to the fans that it has the strength to fight for a good performance in the World Cup. The CCFM wants the third place, so the players would have to show some work. And they showed. In a magnificent game, Cafundéu simply dominated Novapsolu, winning the game by a huge margin. Such a big win against a good opponent shows that Cafundéu has a very good roster this time.

Changes and Absences: Souza in Carlão’s place (suspended). Éverton in Vergara’s place (suspended).
Formation: offensive 4-4-2.
Opponent: the talented team of Novapsolu. But it became clear after this game that they’ll have to work hard to become a football power.

THE FIRST HALF: using the same formation of the game against Estresse Intenso, Braddock wanted the team to repeat the same performance of the first half of the game against the Monopolists’ main rivals. But he couldn’t expect what happened. Before the end of the first minute, Flecha lost the ball in the attack. The defender Klarx made a huge mistake, passing the ball to Anormal, who shot and caught the goalkeeper off guard. Goal. The fast goal surprised all the supporters, but Novapsolu tried to reply. Brennan received a long pass from Willians and shot to the goal, but Eduardo Monte headed the ball, sending it for a corner. Novapsolu had some good moments in the first half, but the game seemed to be in control of Cafundéu, and more goals could happen.

Neto was close to score from a free kick, but Ferguson made a miraculous save. In a corner kick, Éverton tried to score with a bicycle kick, but the ball went over the bar. The reply of the hosts came with an intelligent counterattack. In the end, Will dribbled Souza and was fouled. Lundford took the free kick, but the ball went wide. This was the last chance of Novapsolu in the half. Minutes after, the most experienced players of Cafundéu were responsible for another goal. Anormal crossed the ball to Heitor, who controlled it and shot to the right side of the goal. The result was excellent for Cafundéu, but there was more to come.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 1 (Anormal’s goal): “And the game starrrrrrts! Cafundéu against Novapsolu, for the grrrrrroup nine of the Worrrrrrld Cup qualifierrrrrs! The ball is passed to Rrrrrrato, who makes a smarrrrrt pass to Flecha... loses the ball to the defender, who can starrrrrt a play for Novapsolu... a wrrrrrrong pass, Anorrrrrrmal gets the ball, shoots... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Ask them to prrrrreparrrrre the rrrrreplay! Anorrrrrmal, number five! Cafundéu one, Novapsolu zerrrrro! The most moderrrrrn equipments for your home, quality and technology rrrrreunited together... buy C-Electrrrrronics prrrrroducts!”

http://img140.imageshack.us/img140/5861/060329madureiraab4.jpg
Éverton faces Sheeny in the game

THE SECOND HALF: losing the game, Novapsolu’s coach Owen Marx made changes in the team, trying to recover from the disadvantage. But the changes weren’t good for the hosts. Cafundéu returned with will to score more goals, and continued attacking. Èverton shot from outside the area, Ferguson saved, Flecha took the rebound, shot, and sent the ball over the bar. But the goalfest begun after the sixty minute, when Braddock decided to give more freedom to his players. The third goal was scored by Heitor, who received a pass from the winger Léo Mattos, invaded the area, dribbled two defenders and shot with strength, sending the ball to the goal. Novapsolu couldn’t recover, the team was playing really badly in this second half. Heitor soon scored again, shooting after getting the rebound after Fabrício’s shot was saved by the keeper.

Two minutes after, Neto was fouled near the entrance of the area. He took the free kick with perfection, scoring another goal for the Monopolists. But, if five goals seemed enough to put this result among the most impressive victories of the history of the Cafundelense National Team, it wasn’t enough for the determined players of the (in the game) yellow team. After a long pass made by Toninho, who received the ball from the goalkeeper Lauro, Heitor lobbed the keeper, scoring his fourth goal in the game. Flecha was able to score too. Léo Mattos passed the ball to Del Valle, who avoided the defenders and passed the ball to the attacker, who headed the ball to the goal. After the seventh goal, Cafundéu didn’t have other good goal chance, and the result ended in an amazing victory.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 2 (Heitor’s second goal): “Del Valle touches the ball for the firrrrrst time in the game. Intelligent pass to Léo Mattos in the rrrrright wing, the rrrrright-back sees Heitor in a good position, passes the ball to him. The attacker invades the arrrrrea by the rrrrright side. Drrrrribbles Willians... drrrrribbles Eisen too... shoots... look at the goal... look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOLAÇO! For Cafundéu! See the rrrrreplay with me! Heitor, number eleven! Cafundéu thrrrrree, Novapsolu zerrrrro! Frrrriday night! Forrrrrget your wife, forrrrrget your childrrrrren, forrrrrget your worrrrrk! It’s time to drrrrrink with your frrrrriends! It’s time to buy Ferrrrrvorrrrrosa Beer! The best in the happy hour! Trrrrry also the Ferrrrrvorrrrrosa Cachaça!”

CURIOUS MOMENTS: the real excitement of this game was the game itself, as Cafundéu created many good chances and scored many goals, sufficient to make the supporters (of Cafundéu, of course) happy. But the linesman Timothy Fredeli (from Ariddia too) nearly injured the midfielder Éverton in a play. Toninho made a long ranged pass to the Cafundelense player, but the ball travelled too fast and left the playing field. Éverton tried to reach it, but left the field too without reaching the ball. But, when he was leaving the field while running, the linesman rose his flag without noticing the player, and the flag hit Éverton’s nose. The linesman also participated in another play. The defender Eisen tried to avoid a corner kick and slided to touch the ball. Unfortunately, he ended sliding over Fredeli’s legs, who fell on the ground.

JORGE LANG - INTERVIEWS: well, after such a good result, the players were extremely happy, and expressed their excitement in their interviews. First, I talked again with the coach Franz Braddock, who said: “I’m proud of my players. This result was... I have no words, you saw what I saw, it was one of the best games of Cafundéu. Now I am sure that we can qualify without many difficulties, we just need to continue with this style of play.”

And, of course, the players. It was very difficult to come near one of the players, as they were commemorating a lot. I reached Heitor, who said: “This result was incredible, we played like we should play, I scored four goals! I guess that the supporters will be happy now that... (he was surrounded by team mates, commemorating)” I could speak with Del Valle too, who said: “Seven goals against Novapsolu is impressive. Now the world knows that we have a strong team that... (same happens with Del Valle)”

BEST PLAYERS OF THE GAME (Ruiz’s opinion): no one from Novapsolu. Not because of their quality, as they are good players, but this wasn’t their day. For Cafundéu, I’d say that all the players played well. Léo Mattos, Anormal and Neto did wonders creating plays and helping to increase the scoreboard. Fabrício played well in the second half too, and was unlucky to not score a goal. But, after scoring four goals, the man of the match is clearly Heitor.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 3 (Neto’s goal): “Anorrrrrmal’s pass is going to Heitor, but the attacker lets the ball pass to Neto. The midfielder rrrrreceives the ball and can advance to the attack. He’ll prrrrrobably trrrrry to invade the arrrrrea. Faces the defender, goes for the drrrrribble... foul! Frrrrree kick for Cafundéu! Neto to take it... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Rrrrrrrrrrreplay please! Neto, number ten! Cafundéu five, Novapsolu zerrrrro! The elections arrrrre coming. You arrrrre frrrrrom Cafundó do Juta, and doesn’t know who to choose as the mayor? How? Vote again for Paulinho Muchiba, our mayor! Number fifteen!”[COLOR]

http://img140.imageshack.us/img140/4357/070304madureuraco2.jpg
Neto and Fabrício commemorate a goal

NOVAPSOLU 0x7 CAFUNDÉU

Place: somewhere.
Attendance: (put your ad here).
Referee: Stéphane Mutema (Ariddia).
MOTM: Heitor (Cafundéu).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/novapsolu.png NOV[COLOR="Navy"]APSOLU: Ferguson; Reems, Eisen and Klarx; Sheeny (Aron 70’), Lundford, Willians (Hampton 45’) and Briggs; Brennan, Graves and Will (Simondi 45’).
Coach: Owen Marx.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Lauro; Léo Mattos, Toninho, Eduardo Monte and Souza; Anormal, Éverton (Del Valle 60’), Rato (Fabrício 60’) and Neto; Heitor and Flecha.
Coach: Franz Braddock.

Goals:CAF: Anormal 0’ , Heitor 31’’/62’/66’/73’ , Neto 68’ , Flecha 80’.

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Cafundéu – formation for game against Pinguinum: Lauro; Léo Mattos, Toninho, Eduardo Monte and Carlão; Anormal, Marcelinho, Rato and Carlos Magno; Heitor and Flecha.
Coach: Franz Braddock.
Style of +3

Match’s Referee: Erik Meshall (Vephrall).

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Goalscorers after 5 games:

7- Heitor
6- Flecha
2- Anormal and Neto
1- Toninho, Marcelinho, Ferreira and Carlão.

Alasdair I Frosticus

26-11-2007, 21:32

Here we come, walkin'
Down the street.
We get the funniest looks from
Ev'ry one we meet.
Hey, hey, we're Welsh ninjas
And people say we ninja around.
But we're too busy playing football
To nunchuk anybody down.

We play wherever we want to,
score when we like to do
We don't have time to get restless,
There's always something new.
Hey, hey, we're Welsh ninjas
And people say we ninja around.
But we're too busy playing football
To poison anybody down.

We're just tryin' to play football,
Come and watch us sing and play,
11 part harmony anthems,
And we've got something to say.

Any time, Or anywhere,
Just look over your shoulder
Guess who'll be standing there

Hey, hey, we're Welsh ninjas
And people say we ninja around.
But we're too busy playing football
To knife anybody down.

(break)

Hey, hey, we're Welsh ninjas
And people say we ninja around.
But we're too busy playing football
To nunchuk anybody down.

We're just tryin' to be friendly,
Come and watch us sing and play,
Beating Taeshan by one goal,
'Cause we always get our way.

Hey, hey, we're Welsh ninjas!
Hey, hey, we're Welsh ninjas!

Hey, hey, we're Welsh ninjas,
You never know where we'll be found.
so you'd better get ready,
We're comin' to Zwangzug's town.

The Pazhujeb Islands

26-11-2007, 21:47

The Entomologist
The Pazhujeb Islands' Leading Insect Study Journal

Translated from Pazhujebi to English by Tertius Shajarrayam

Monthly Obituaries

The Entomologist is saddened to announce the following obituaries this month.

At the age of 44, famous bee trainer Rajid Vam passed away at home with his family. Mr. Vam was famous for his choreography of the extremely popular Dance of the Bees performance, held in Bengaluru biannually to celebrate the equinox ubnejajat-em ceremonies. However, after making a snide but merely playful remark about the queen bee's weight to his sun, he was brutally stung to death by the family he loved more than his own. Funeral services will be held tomorrow.

At the age of 37, the mother of girl-genius Alia Thazhumi (well-known for her theories on ultraviolet light wave communications between mosquitoes and her admission into the University of Urajbina at age twelve) passed away in her home with her family. Reportedly, Alia's grandmother, who is becoming senile in her old age, had prepared her famous curry and jalapeño stew for the Thanksgiving holiday (which for some reason is indeed practiced in the Pazhujeb Islands), and the girl wonder's mother had a seizure and died. Charges may be filed against the old lady for killing her daughter and "being a poo-poo head," but not until after the service, which will be held on Thursday.

Quratiam Majjan is a regular columnist the Entomologist. He has an apartment in northern Mahathu.

Oliverry Sending Off Results In Oujadda's 67th Minute Winner, Urchins Fans Ecstatic

Sudhir Bhay spend no time in interrupting one of Edward the supercockroach's rare vacations to bring us this interview. Luckily, since the subject matter was The Pazhujeb Islands' tremendous victory over Oliverry, Edward was willing to oblige.

SB: Can you believe it, Edward?!

E: What a match. So many things happening, I can't count them all.

SB: Why don't I give it a shot? Sixteen seconds into the match, Oliverrian forward Robert Jackson received a yellow card for a shirt tug in the box; and Herodotus Guvidhipa, a temporary member of the starting XI, put away the penalty for the match's first goal. In the 10th minute, Huvem Tushambanda received a yellow card for tripping. In the 17th minute, Xussanikara Ghur overextended his right leg reaching for a loose ball, and had to be substituted. Not an injury we can afford, but I digress. Oovi came on as a substitute (again). Consequently, Oliverrian youngster Bernard Kirouac was unfairly blamed for the injury and received a yellow card. In the 21st minute, Oliverrian René Gibeau received a yellow card for a rough tackle. In the 22nd minute, Oovi scored on a fantastic volley. In the 29th minute, Paul Le Roy scored for Oliverry. Rémi Lepage received a yellow card for taunting in lieu of the goal, which made it two one. In the 34th minute, Le Roy and Mahmudanam Rha got into a bit of a shoving match, and both men threw punches. The referee could have tossed them both, but was lenient and handed out yellows. I might add that Rha is known for this kind of behavior, but we'd expect better from a 31-year-old veteran like Le Roy. Anyways, in the 35th minute, just seconds later, Oliverrian Marc Dupuis received a yellow card for dissent. If you were following Edward, that's six yellow cards for Oliverry so far. Everyone was wondering what was going on. Was Oliverry being really that undisciplined, or was the referee Graham Poll or something?

E: Graham Poll is at least intelligent enough to notice that just because a player leaves the pitch due to injury does not mean someone on the other team has to get a yellow card. That's because he isn't Spanish.

SB: Whoa!! Cool those jets, Eddie, we don't want to get into any of that "RL" crap. It's all just made up, you know. Anywho, for the rest of the second half, things died down. After the break, however, we started to see the cautions being flashed all over the pitch once again. Vhumadara received a yellow in the 49th minute for dissent. In the 57th minute, Oliverrian substitute centre half Philippe Marceau was in the right place at the right time on a nice corner, and he scored to make it two all. The fans were getting concerned that their fantastic two all start to the match was going to nullified, and that in the end they would witness the result that most had skeptically predicted.

E: Including me.

SB: Yes, including you. But then, the big one. In the 67th minute, Robert Jackson was losing ground to Oujadda on the right flank, and, concerned about his defenders being in the right place, threw an arm over the African born Pazhujebi's chest and lightly pushed him back. One could easily argue that Oujadda made an Oscar-worthy performance out of it, but it was certainly a foul. Whether it was a card or not was certainly up for question. The Oliverrians, I'm sure, thought nothing of it, and thought there was no chance Jackson would be tossed. But the massive, animated, and purple-clad crowd at Therakham Coliseum was screaming for the second yellow, and after a moment, the referee obliged. The red card was pulled and Jackson was gone.

E: Personally, I don't think you can criticize the referee. He was being consistent; up until then he had been flashing the yellow for everything, and I don't think it would have been fair for the referee to keep the card in his pocket.

SB: I agree. Fair red card, though the Oliverrians might have disagreed. In any case, that shifted the moment right back into the Purple Sea Urchins' hands, and Oujadda was the man to race down the right flank in the 76th minute, time his run perfectly, and notch an easy goal past a defenseless Eugène Bolduc to make it three two. And from there on out, it was all defense for the Urchins, and though Oovi received an 88th minute yellow, they held. The upset that fans have been waiting for all group stage long was sealed, and Therakham Coliseum went into a frenzy.

E: And you were there, correct?

SB: I was. It was fantastic.

E: I wish I could have been there. But then again, I might have left in a panic after that injury to Ghur.

SB: He is the playmaker for our team, and if he's out for a long time, that's bad news, because that would be Major Injury Number Four to our starting lineup.

E: He walked off the pitch, I mean it really just looked like a pull: so a part of me is still hoping against all hope that he'll be back soon, but you're right, we'll be in a sore spot if he's out for a long time.

SB: Well, with that in mind, how are we looking against St. Samuel?

E: You know, I just keep predicted bad results and we keep getting good ones. So, unwilling to jinx our bad luck, I'm predicting a two one loss to St. Samuel in our next match.

SB: Good news as far as I'm concerned.

E: No, seriously, if you thought things would be rough against Oliverry without Panithaj, we'll be totally screwed against St. Samuel without Panithaj AND Ghur.

SB: You're forgetting: we still have Chaya Vuhumkara.

E: If you think that kid can hold up an attack on his own, you're clueless. We're going to have a series of very difficult return legs, away from home, against the teams that we're so proud to have gotten results against. We're in for a rough ride, my friend, and if our confidence starts to slip now, we'll finish in a much worse position than the fifth we have at present. And I think our confidence will start to slip now.

SB: Pfft. Rubbish. Despite Sergeant Cynical over here, we thank you for reading. This is Sudhir Bhay with the Entomologist.

MD 01: (L, 1-5) Sorthern Northland (Away, @ Sorthern Northland)
MD 02: (D, 2-2) Demot (Home, @ Bengaluru Velodrome in Bengaluru)
MD 03: (L, 1-3) Northern Bettia (Away, @ Northern Bettia)
MD 04: (W, 2-0) Bumiroar (Home, @ Chargers' Boulder in Rujananja)
MD 05: (W, 3-0) Bergelland (Away, @ Bergelland)
MD 06: (W, 3-2) Oliverry (Home, @ Therakham Coliseum in Yughrigha)
MD 07: St. Samuel (Home, @ Therakham Coliseum in Yughrigha)
MD 08: Sorthern Northland (Home, @ Therakham Coliseum in Yughrigha)
MD 09: Demot (Away, @ Demot)
MD 10: Northern Bettia (Home, @ Therakham Coliseum in Yughrigha)
MD 11: Bumiroar (Away, @ Bumiroar)
MD 12: Bergelland (Home, @ Zhevassi Athletic Field in Zhevassi)
MD 13: Oliverry (Away, @ Oliverry)
MD 14: St. Samuel (Away, @ St. Samuel)

Krytenia

26-11-2007, 21:59

http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c58/Krytenia/Niblets.png

TOP TEN NATIONS TO LAUGH AT

10. Krytenia – Well, you’ve got to laugh at yourselves…

9. Green Wombat – Face it, you’re not going to qualify. Give it up.

8. Yafor II – A nation of this experience should not be below San Adriano. Case closed.

7. Bumiroar – I challenge you to say this name and not laugh.

6. Prux – See above.

5. The Archregimancy – Third in their group is no shame. Unless you want to each your players some “humility”, that is. If you want to teach these men humility, give them a diet of breadcrumbs and hard labour. Or something.

4. Pinguinum – The worst record in the tounament, which is basically carte blanche for ridicule.

3. Spaam – One point from eighteen? Methinks those who dream the Tangerine Dream had too much cheese before bed.

2. Starblaydia – 95X, Ulzaxid, Minilla Island…no, we haven’t heard of these countries either. But they still beat the Men In Mauve. And then there’s San Adriano…

1. Vilita – Lost to the worst Starblaydi team ever. Oh, the shame…

Cafundeu

26-11-2007, 22:10

Casari

26-11-2007, 22:23

"Oooh, new stickball bat." Jimmy said, grabbing the flat pine bat from the rack and test-swinging it in the aisle. "Not a bad balance, either. Carbon fiber, too..."

Tob was down the next aisle, the two of them kicking off early in order to find something to goof around with for the rest of the day. "Oooh!" He said, grabbing it away. "We need a new one after we broke the old wooden one on the neighbor's mailbox."

"I'm not sure if I like the bow on it, though." Jimmy said, watching Tob take a few practice swings on his own.

"Aye, it'll do." Tob said, looking down another aisle. "Does anyone even box anymore? Why the hell do they have boxing equipment here?"

"Hell, they have everything here, that's what makes them a bloody Authority." Jimmy said, grabbing a pair of gloves. "You know, these are marked down."

"What?"

"Twice."

---

"Damn, should you guys be doing this in the front yard?" Ryan said, watching from the door as Jimmy and Tob pulled on boxing gloves and headgear.

"Just shut up and make the bell noise!" Jimmy said, putting in a mouth guard he had from hockey, glancing at Ryan and Rolly in the doorway as Tob did the same. "Do it!"

"Ding."

The flurry of punches came as a surprised to everyone involved, especally Tob and Jimmy, who weren't really expecting how hard the other was going to try to hit.

"Ow, fucker!"

"No kicking, dick!"

The fight was finally stopped when both fell over, panting. "That was the best idea ever." Jimmy said, spitting out the mouth guard.

"You punched me in the back of the head, ass." Tob said.

Ryan and Rolly were staring as one would at some kind of train crash. "You two are on crack."

"Maybe. But that was awesome."

Jimmy nodded. "Quite."

Vephrall

27-11-2007, 03:43

MD7 RP cutoff

Jeruselem

27-11-2007, 04:44

It was the big game, Jeruselem vs the Capitalist SLANI. Jeruselem were playing away and with it's patchy form in away games, no guarantee they would play well. Home was a fortress, but with just one win and two draws away - Jeruselem needed to gain a draw at least here. "Skate" was back after being rested for the home game against Kelssek where she wasn't needed. This was a big game - the SLANI had the advantage over Jeruselem in most cups they had known. Jeruselem did not forget World Cup 21, where they lost in playoff to the SLANI and hence failed to qualify.

Everyone prepared in their different ways since the team was one unholy mixture of weird characters. The Dallas girls were all different there too with Hikfie Dallas sitting around looking dumb (normal), the Orthodox Christian Fiskin Dallas praying and the Princess being the strangest - hugging her favourite Dazza Dallas doll like a little girl. Kara Kool spent of the time playing with her make-up. Hose Tunk looked at a picture of his wife, Sally Dallas and everyone else did their own thing.

Then the Princess in the number 13 worn by her mother rallied the troops with her usual verbal tirades, and arm waving. They ran out the Princess leading the charge. It was hard to miss the Jeruselem with the pink and blue.

All round Jeruselem, football crazy families gather around a big TV to watch the big game live. Dad, mother, sons and daughters as well as the pets. Single young men smiled at the sight of the hot Jeruselem girls running out while females admire the young men.

Even royalty and politicians sat down to watch including new Grand-Chancellor Kevin Durr who at one stage dated Debbie Dallas as well the Skate's husband. The scene was set.

...

Kate Dallas fired in the last corner, Gime Thadope deflected the ball towards the goal mouth but a SLANI defender managed head off the ball on the line. The whistle blew as the SLANI won 1-0 despite a Jeruselem barrage in the second half. The SLANI looked relieved as the Princess shook her head. She congratuated the SLANI captain and team for their win and then trudged off back to the Jeruselem rooms. Dallas girls didn't like losing.

<Later>

Scarlet Ferris knocked on Kate's door.

Kate: Hey Scooter!
Scarlet: You look sulky.
Kate: We lost a game.
Scarlet: It was good game, but we didn't take our chances.

Kate: Never mind, well win our next game ...
Scarlet: we found something on the Internet, check this out. It's a West Arridian publication, the Westville News.
Kate: <Gets all schoolgirly> Woohoo!
Scarlet: I thought that would cheer ya up.

Kate: I'm surprised, me and Mum aren't there.
Scarlet: Not for long!
Kate: Why is that?
Scarlet: Well, I helped them a bit ...

Kate: That's alright, err - are we wearing clothes?
Scarlet: Yes, I sent ones with clothes.
Kate: So, did one for yourself?
Scarlet: Yeah, of course I did. Like this one.

http://img526.imageshack.us/img526/6031/scarletferrisdb8.png

Kate: Cute, looks like you! What does mine and Mum's look like?
Scarlet: You'll have to wait Skate.

Milchama

27-11-2007, 05:00

"Hey!"

"Hi, how are you?"

"Been better, been worse but I don't care right now because we are in SECOND PLACE"

"What's so bad about that?"

"We are behind Bostopia, BOSTOPIA!!!! This is awful, really really awful"

"I don't know they are decent"

"But are they ranked top 10? NO! Are they ranked top 30? NO! Then who the fuck are they to be in front of us?"

"Maybe it's because they beat us"

"See those are the type of results we should not be having"

"I realize this but we need to be calm, this is still a qualifying position and once we qualify this all doesn't matter"

"But how do we know we will qualify"

"Because we're a top 10 team! Duh you dipshit that's really fucking obvious"

"Right, ok then"

"Yeh so what happened recently?"

"Well we won our last two matches"

"About bloody time we did well"

"Agreed"

"Ok then let's put a stop to the ranting for now"

"Hells no"

"Well at least can we say come on you Warriors!"

"Sure"

"Excellent"

Scotchpinestan

27-11-2007, 05:02

Halfway there
Keith Martin, Douglas Journal

Seven games down, seven to go. And there have clearly been some good developments with the Scotchpine soccer team in their first attempt as qualifying for the World Cup. And, certainly there have been some not-so-good devleopments.

GOOD: Four clean sheets for Pedro Marzala, including the most recent 1-0 win over Kansiov.

NOT SO GOOD: Only seven goals scored in seven matches. Only one match in which more than one goal was scored. This coming from the team that came into qualifying wanting to lead the world in shots.

GOOD: Mitch Hannity. Two games starting at center midfield, two goals.

NOT SO GOOD: Mark Reilly. An own goal equals a seat on the bench. Especially when Orlando Moore has played well in Reilly's stead.

GOOD: Igor Volkov. Two goals, but he very easily could have five.

NOT SO GOOD: Joe Long and Terry Pipp. Both starting wingers were ineffective and replaced after three games.

But the bottom line is, Scotchpinestan is in third place in Group 10 with 13 points, halfway through the qualifying round. Their only two losses have come against the two teams ahead of them: the Holy Empire (only two points ahead of Scotchpinestan) and first-place Zwangzug (Scotchpinestan's next opponent).

Third place means that Scotchpinestan controls its own destiny. If Scotchpinestan can score some more goals, continue to play well against the teams they should beat, and perhaps upend one of the two teams ahead of them, then the chances of their qualifying for the World Cup are quite real.

St Samuel

27-11-2007, 05:27

Monte-Cristiano Sacked!

It has been announced in a press conference by the St Samuel Football Association that they have ended the contract of manager Georgi Monte-Cristiano after the teams latest 3-2 defeat to The Pazhujeb Islands. Having lost 4 of the 7 matches so far in Group 4, Chief Executive, Phillipe Alarzo of the St Samuel FA said that he had no other choice.

Monte-Cristano had only been in charge for 14 games and after the defeat to the The Pazhujeb Islands, it was clear that the fans had finally had enough. The boo's at half time as St Samuel went in two one down showed the fans anger and after the game Monte-Cristano received even more boo's and abuse from supporters.

It has been confirmed that assistant-manager, Yves al Jahdali will take over as caretaker manager for the next fixture whilst the SSFA select a new manager. The ex-Ariddian international, al Jahdali has requested the fans to now get behind the team.

Monte-Cristano has spoken to reporters saying "I am obviously sad to have had my contract terminated, but I agree with the decision and after the teams poor performance so far, the Football Association had to step in. I have huge disappointment for the nation and fans and I accept full responsibilty for our terrible start to the world cup campaign and but now the fans must really get behind the team now."

Phillipe Alarzo further added that it is with deep regret that they end Monte-Cristano's reign as manager. "We had high hopes for this new era in St Samuel football and had a real chance of qualification."

St Samuel suffered two early goals in the first half against The Pazhujeb Islands, before Salvatore Rocka pulled one back. Monte-Cristano bought on a third striker in the second half hopeing that the change of tactics would change the outcome. St Samuel did get themselves back level on the 64th minute when Seth Justantinium smashed home a strong header but it was Uimar Chussadir who put Pazhujeb back in front on the 83rd minute.

Qazox

27-11-2007, 06:01

DEC 01 1933 (Fromburg, Qazox)

Who the heck gave us Starblaydi referees? 10 yellow cards against one team?? I'm surprised that I didn't get carded either. Oly play not to getr a Yellow Card was Ty Reed, and that was because he was taken off in the 10th minute after a clearly visible nut-shot by that VDB (very dirty bastards??) keeper on the corner.

Somehow though, we won to improve to 5-1-1 and stayed 3 points ahead of Endmile for the qualifaction berth. And we're only 3 points behind Az-cz, so we got ourselves in a good spot.

The Bionics worked well, maybe too well, maybe that's the reason why I think that biased Starblaydi referee gave us so many yellows. That or he's pissed off over the fact that Qazox beat the Purple menace 30 years ago TWICE in the qualifers.

SCORING SUMMARY:
(Qazox) Tripp: 40', Fry 78'
(VDB) 56' (PK)

Cards: (All Yellow)
Jon Serra: 56'
Pamela Gambino: 77'
Doreen Williams: 36'
Juan Torres: 8'
Ty Revee: 62'
Tim Brauer: 90+2'
Yuzuki Reed: 23'
Wesley Tripp: 42'
Yancy Fry: 87'
John Griffey: 19'

Green wombat

27-11-2007, 06:15

Jason Vallens World Cup Blog:

Matchday Seven vs. Milchama

We were so close to pulling off one of the biggest wins in team history, as William Diehl scored in the 23rd minute to make it 1-0. Milchama was stymied almost all match, and as time tick up towrds fulltime the scoreboard still showed 1-0. But Diehl, who looked to be the big hero turned into a partial goat as his inadvertant handball set Milchama up for a direct kick. Avi Belmowitz lifted it just over the outstretched arm of Ralph Bing and it was tied up at 1-1.

The referee showed 4 minutes of injury time and the prospects of a 1-1 draw seemed likely until Belmowitz stunned the crowd silent with a 20 yard blast from the left corner of the area giving Milchama a tough 2-1 win.

The stunning loss drops the Wombats to 0-2-5, last in the group. But they way Prux and East Lithuania have played lately, we have a chance to move up with a win over each of those two teams. 6th place maybe the best we can hope for.

The Scoring summary:
Green Wombat: William Diehl: 21'
Milchama: Avi Belmowitz: 88'
Milchama: Avi Belmowitz: 90+2'

In other Group action: Bostopia got a scare from Nire and Nire 4-3, Lovisa nailed East Lithuania 3-1, and Wentland wallopped Prux 8-1.

Up next for the Wombats is at home vs. East Lithuania. We lost 1-5 in the opener, but since then they've gone 0-1-5, while we've gone 0-2-4. I think we can break into the win column here 1-0.

Prux

27-11-2007, 06:38

PRUX' TOP TWELVE LIST VS. WENTLAND

#12- 007 scored just 6 minutes in the match, give the Prawns a 1-0 lead.

#11- Kaz Flack scored her first goal of the match in the 12th minute.

#10- Kaz Flack scored her 2nd goal of the match in the 20th minute.

#9- Kaz Flack got her hat-trick in the 28th minute of the match.

#8- Kaz Flack made it 4 goals in one half at the 39 minute mark.

#7- Thalia Pellegrini ended the Flack attack with a goal in the 45th minute to make it 5-1.

#6- Thalia Pellegrini made it 6-1 just 4 minutes into the 2nd half.

#5- Sema Trevisan, subbed on mercifully for Kaz Flack at the half, made it 7-1 in the 65th minute.

#4- Sema Trevisan finsihed it off in the 83rd minute making the final 8-1.

#3- Worst loss ever for Prux, and 007 passed out in the 5th minute due to shear amount of females on the pitch. That's our excuse, that and E. Nigma fell asleep.

#2- The draw drops Prux to 1-3-3, still 6th in the group.

#1- The next match is @ Lovisa. A 2-2 draw last time, and again this time.

TOP TEN LIST
1- Ariddia (7-0-0) +30 GD (prev #1)
2- Az-cz (6-1-0) +22 GD (prev #3)
3- Errinundera (7-0-0) +22 GD (prev #4)
4- ESF (7-0-0) +20 GD (prev #2)
5- Sel Appa (7-0-0) +19 GD (prev #5)
6- Capitalizt SLANI (6-0-1) +20 GD (prev #6)
7- Zwangzug (6-0-1) +18 GD (prev #9)
8- Ad'ihan (5-1-1) +12 GD(Unranked)
9- Bostopia (5-1-1) +10 GD (Unranked)
10- Cafundéu (5-1-1) +22 GD (prev #8)
Dropped Out:
Southern Northland (5-0-2) was #7
The Holy Empire (5-0-2) was #10

BOTTOM 6:
#6- Green Wombat 0-2-5 -11GD
#5- Spaam 0-1-6 -15GD
#4- Thundercliffe 0-0-7 -13GD
#3- Bergelland 0-0-7 -17GD
#2- Randovium 0-0-7 -18GD
#1- Pinguinum 0-0-7 -22GD

Waiting list:
Prux' defense, Miceland, E. Lithuania, VDB, Bumiroar.

Nire and Nire

27-11-2007, 09:15

Goals Galore as Nire and Nire Continue to Slide

Sentu: Nire and Nire's world cup aspirations took a massive hit yesterday following an enthralling 4-3 loss to Bostopia. The loss, the second in a row has seen the Disputed Territories fall from second to fifth in Group 7 and hopes of qualification are now foundering as the half way point in the competition is reached. It was always going to be tough for Nire and Nire, performances in last years Baptism of Fire were encouraging and early success in qualification had the Bulls fans on a high often only experienced by the nations youth. But with three matches on the road and just the solitary point recorded hard questions are now being asked about the qualities of this team - and especially the coach, Lexit Sohot. Sohot is under increasing pressure from both fans and the FA. Both, buoyed by early results, harbour unrealistic expectations for this team, ranked a lowly 126th in the world prior to the start of qualification. While wins over Wentland, Green Wombat and East Lithuania have undoubtedly catapulted Nire and Nire up the rankings and given credibility to the team in its early years it would be foolish to think that a new team can come from nowhere and secure qualification to the holy grail - the World Cup. But life is nothing without dreams, and with the right determination and endeavour, dreams can become reality.

Scoring Summery: Bostopia 4 - Nire and Nire 3 (Rello 15, 68, 75)

Scene: Lexit Sohot's Hotel Room

Sohot was a troubled man. He had just got of the phone with the President of the Disputed Territories of Nire and Nire Football Association, or NAMBLA, and he knew his job was on the line. Despite Nire and Nire's recent arrival on the international scene the FA continued to believe that World Cup qualification was a reality. Sohot knew differently. The competition is incredibly tough, even fancied teams are struggling in qualification. Last summer's Baptism of Fire winners The Pazubej Islands and the once-great footballing nation of Starblaydia were both under-performing while in his own Group it is World Number 68 The Green Wombat and not Nire and Nire who have become the groups whipping boys. In fact, Green Wombat and the elusive East Lithuania occupy the bottom spots of the table having shipped an incredible 40 goals between them in just seven matches. And Sohot thought he had problems with his defence. At this level 16 goals in 7 matches is unacceptable and nothing he does seems to work. At least the offence was firing, thanks largely to sensational youngster Juan Rello whos 8 goals in 9 games has been a revelation for the team. Next up were Wentland, after three matches on the road Sohot was glad to be back in the Fortress in Sentu - especially playing against a bunch of women ... speaking of women, Sohot picked up the phone and made the call.

Scene: Wentland Changing Room, Pre-Match
"We're playing real men today ladies!!!"
<much excitement>
"Finally, those circles, sandwiches and pretenders from Bostopia were making even Norman look attractive"
<the Wentland players break into hysterics, Norman Hacker, sitting quietly in the corner did not look amused>
"What about that El Incontinent Nire fellow - he's kinda cute"
<stunned silence>
"Have you seen that man? he is hideous ... and there is a reason for his name ... hehe"
"I tell you who is hot - Rello!"
<at the mention of Juan Rello the ladies of Wentland smiled dreamily. In the corner a glimmer of a smile flashed across Hacker's face>
"He's young enough to be our son"
<Norman Hacker stood>
"Come on ladies, time to get changed, I will be in the hall"
<Hacker leaves, the camera zooms in>
"Whats that noise?"
"Is that a camera?"
"What? Where? - oh there is it"
<transmission ends>

Magnus Valerius

27-11-2007, 12:22

The Isangrad Times
The Isangrad Times Jumps on Satirical Cartoon Double Bandwagon
Valerian Media, Inc. Hopes Not to Get Sued for Infringement

Oh Yeah, Boyars Win at Miceland, 3 - 1!

In today's news, the Boyars have eked out a third victory in a row on the road at Miceland today. It is pretty unnerving to some Valerian players that the Boyars went up against mice, but it seems it was no issue at all. The Boyars proved that mice can't play football - at least against Boyars. The Boyars rocked their home arena with three goals to one, thanks to solid defense and some good Valerian pressure (the Boyars are finally getting the experience they need to get together some good gameplay).

The game started out with some Valerian pressure. Some Valerian players, particularly Afinagorov, were startled to discover that the opponents for today's match were all mice. But then again, "Miceland" does seem to imply that they are all, well, mice. After some early shock, the Valerians pushed forward to press the little mice. The Boyars were ruthless, and this earned forward Psellios-Tsushima a yellow card at the 14th. Ivan Afinagorov got a little excited and pushed for a goal early on, only to have it swept away by the Marauder goalkeeper David BreadMouse. The mice then counterattacked, going through the Valerian defense after ten minutes of weaving through it to make a goal past GK Kim at the 37th (made in by Strike ChargeMouse).

The first half got a little too hectic for the Valerians, who were bewildered as to why they were struggling against a team filled with mice. But the first half was their moment to shine - the second half belonged to the Valerians. Once the first half was up, the Valerians were down, 0-1, and the second half turned things around!

Once the second half began, Afinagorov, von Hohenstauffen, Tarakanov, and Sinan (the latter two subbed for Psellios-Tsushima and Kemerhadi for a while) created a united force of strikers to try and pressure the mice defense. Their defense could not hold back the constant attempts made by von Hohenstauffen. Isa Sinan was to tie up the game by taking an incoming hook from Afinagorov and sending it straight at the net at the 51st minute. The Marauders tried to fight back, but some good defensive plays by Daritai, de Roviere, Pavilov, and Boldizsár helped keep them from netting another goal. If they did not held them back, then goalkeeper Kim would just bat their strike attempts away gracefully.

With the Valerian side secured, Max von Hohenstauffen drove all the way to the Marauder goal and scored at the 67th minute. He worked his way well past Little JohnMouse and Boston AtkinMouse as they tried to keep him at bay. The Valerian supporters cheered as the Boyars were finally in the lead for the first time in this game. His Holiness Patriarch Feodor III, who flew out to see this match, began muttering a prayer as a sign of thanks to God. The aging head of the Valerian Orthodox Church is still a big Boyar fan as ever (and, of course, he uttered another prayer for the monks of The Archregimancy in order to support his second-favorite team).

The game was not over yet. Afinagorov, who was at first a little hesitant to play on a field full of mice, decided to make a play with Hohenstauffen and Kemerhadi to make it to the goal. At the 82nd minute, after a long and drawn-out play with the Marauder defense, Afinagorov scored a goal with a clean shot. The game was over eight minutes later, leaving Valerians feeling better about their performance in the World Cup. The next day, however, they face Jeruselem, which will no doubt be a bloodbath - and a win for the Dallas Clan and their team.

---Valerian Scorers---

von Hohenstauffen - 3
Afinagorov - 2
Kemerhadi - 1
Psellios-Tsushima - 1
Sinan - 1

After today's game, The Isangrad Times and its editors have gotten the idea to post some satirical images of well-known Valerian football people. The West Arridian news programme, the Westville News, gave us the idea, and we have gathered some talented Valerian artists to try and imitate the style that the West Arridian media outlet used to bring you the following cartoon doubles (starring in a short skit in tonight's news on Channel 6):

http://i45.photobucket.com/albums/f63/ValerianEmpire/CoachIlyanich.png

Coach George Ilyanich, the former Valerian football great, who has been rather apathetic concerning the performance of the Boyars this world cup. He is also a known poker junkie.

http://i45.photobucket.com/albums/f63/ValerianEmpire/MaxvH.png

Maximilian "Max" von Hohenstauffen often thinks he's too cool for school given his footballer pedigree. He hasn't been living up to his family name despite his attitude.

http://i45.photobucket.com/albums/f63/ValerianEmpire/Afinagorov.png

The excitable Ivan Afinagorov - this cartoon is reminiscent of the look on his face when he was caught off guard by the footballers of Miceland: "They're MICE?!"

http://i45.photobucket.com/albums/f63/ValerianEmpire/DimitriKim.png

The goalkeep Dimitri Kim, who is currently playing as a starter for GK Dimitri Shchilinov (who's out on injury). He's a true warrior at that, keeping the Valerian defense steady these past three games. Caused some excitement when he whipped out a boombox and got half the team dancing after today's game.

http://i45.photobucket.com/albums/f63/ValerianEmpire/PatriarchFeodorIII.png

Of course, we can't forget the holiest Valerian football fan - His Holiness Patriarch Feodor III. He's known to get pretty rowdy in games, often making rather unholy threats with a 'blessed pistol' he uses for his protection. He is also known for his avid tea-drinking, earning him the name "Father Feodor the Tea-Drinker" amongst Valerian Orthodox monastic circles.

The Mice of Miceland

27-11-2007, 13:46

Welcome to CommuniNet sports News, today We hgave a special treat, with Steven RedMouse coach of our national football team, the Mauraders have been languishing near the bottom of the table. and with the first round of matches already been completed. let's look at how the team are going in relation to the rest of the group.

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Capitalizt SLANI 7 6 0 1 27 7 20 18
2 Jeruselem 7 4 2 1 16 5 11 14
3 Candelaria And Marquez 7 4 2 1 12 7 5 14
4 Kiryu-shi 7 3 1 3 10 9 1 10
5 Magnus Valerius 7 3 1 3 8 17 -9 10
6 Kelssek 7 1 3 3 9 17 -8 6
7 Uiri 7 0 3 4 5 12 -7 3
8 Miceland 7 0 2 5 4 17 -13 2

Capitalizt SLANI are obvious no were near what their name suggests, we are actually somewhat surprised they lost one game, otherwise they have shown complete and utter dominance over this group. We expect the rest of the tournament to be just as easy.

Jeruselem are perhaps having a harder time than they should, with 14 out of the 21 points available, but really, us mice can't really see what's all about that with Dazza Dallas, so she's naked alot of the time. That's something that is not unusual to mice to see humans naked.

Candelaria And Marquez are doing very well, apart from the severe aversion to beings of different species, the speciests are doing very wel. Needless to say we hope that they fall on their collective asses and come to a sense of reality. Apparently we didn't play a world cup game with them but a nation that I know for a fact doesn't exist did, so we'll just see how dumb these C&Mians are.

Kiryu-shi, there a nice team but nothing particularily remarkable about them nor their performance.

Magnus Valerius - Were performing very well, in fact many Micelanders were Jealous, especially considering the fact that the Boyars were unranked entering the tournament. Many Micelanders are wondering, what's going on. This was further exaserbated by the recent 3-1 loss to them away.

Kelssek have been under-performing this qulaification especially since they are one of the 2 teams that Miceland has been able to get a draw against. but even then the Kelssekians have triple the amount of points than we have.

Uiri a name that no one really knows about, seeming generic and not that interesting but still beat us.

Candelaria And Marquez

27-11-2007, 14:09

The Albrecht Herald/Sport
Zaghloul helps Blues avoid red faces in Kelssek
By Tracker Edwards

Just be thankful that in this qualifying campaign, the top three of each group qualify automatically. Seven games in, and suddenly it all looks rather less rosy for Mark Baker’s Big Blues. The irony is that it is hard to put a finger on actually why, for game by game C&M have done nothing but perform well up to – and at times beyond – reasonable expectation. Confident home victorious against Magnus Valerius – a lowly ranked side to be sure, but one of genuine pedigree – and, more to the point, Kiryu-shi – a side ranked well above us in the KPB system – gave Baker the perfect platform to launch a qualification campaign following the stunning 3-2 victory against the Capitalizts. The Zemyzha Myzhent game was a lottery given the foul conditions in the Millerman Sheppard Stadium, but one which C&M still emerged successfully from thanks to José Felipe Cassumba Domingos.

The one hundred per cent start from four games seemed to settle the nerves of fans, pundits and players alike and as well it might. Our Achilles’ heal in the last set of qualifiers were the team’s home form. True, only one game was lost – the dire one-niller against Miamoria – but the draws against Rastafariburg and, funnily enough, Kelssek would ultimately deny C&M their summer in Ad’ihan and Ulospavon. With three potential banana skins out of the way in quick succession, some of the most wildly confident were already booking their flights to Trilan or Speilers, spurred on by a media mining an uncharacteristic vein of national sporting optimism. They had neglected to acknowledge the simple fact that the likes of Uiri and Kelssek, let alone Jeruselem, are perfectly serviceable sides, and more than capable of taking points away from the likes of C&M on home turf. After gaining just two fairly fortunate points from that trio of games, we must learn the lessons of overconfidence. Even we, as Candelariasians, must sometimes realise that we are as capable as any nation of letting jingoistic faith get in the way of the plain facts.

As for the game itself, C&M’s third clash with Kelssek did not get off to an auspicious start. The Big Blues understandably do not hold great cache abroad with the people of Neorvins unwilling to fork out to watch two prosaic sides play a less-than-popular sport for the second time in as many years. As a result, the Canada Stadium’s 64,000 capacity was far from tested and there were plenty of blue seats still visible well into the first half. Those that did come out to see their national team were not immediately treated to a tremendous spectacle, as the two sides poked and prodded vaguely at each other. A long-range effort from Jean Despatie well held by Oberon Martinez was enough to quicken a few pulses in the stands, but even the most hardcore of Kelssekian soccer fans seemed flat with few Candelariasian supporters to bounce off chants with. The events in Uiri during the last game have clearly dented the traditionally rowdy travelling support’s faith in foreign justice systems, and while they needn’t have worried were Kelssek is concerned their anxieties are understandable.

Finally did C&M’s ever-vital wingers begin to make an impact; Jos Cornelisse skinning the veteran Simon Avant and putting in a perfect cross. Not for the first time this campaign, there was no one there to meet it. Baker’s passion for his 4-2-3-1 and the players within it is admirable, but it may yet take time – time we perhaps no longer have this campaign – to get it right.

Baker clearly saw that and Cornelisse’s cross was followed by an extended period of dramatic hand-waving from the bench that appeared to work wonders. Moments after, Ben Head beat Despatie to the ball and found Matteo Corradini taking up a position on the left. With Cornelisse having run on ahead, Corradini crossed well to the FC Lasft man who showed typically superb control to take the cross on his thigh, jink past Pierre-Luc Dubois and fire low past Richard Davis in goal. Ignacio Vélez got a toe to the ball as it went it, but all credit must go to Cornelisse despite Vélez’ typically strikerish celebrations to the contrary.

C&M pushed on, but despite their limited chances of World Cup qualification Kelssek were unwilling to give up without a fight. In the centre of the midfield, Ian Colwyn suitably held the Big Blues at bay, and Cornelisse and O’Sullivan Caras struggled to make further in-roads down the flanks. As C&M were frustrated so Kelssek found themselves with increasing amounts of possession, and as the clock tipped over the 45 minute mark the previously anonymous striker Ian Sinclair forced a corner. Charles Fletcher put it in, for Francois St. Louis to commit the cardinal sin and score against the nation that pays his wages.

Ten minutes into the second half, after a tame Vélez shot was easily caught by the ‘keeper, Ian Sinclair proved why he earns a living in Cafundéu. He easily beat Doug Szczechowicz to possession of a long punt upfield from Davis, held off C&M captain Benji Fu with embarrassing ease and aimed towards Martinez’ water bottle. The Albrecht Turkish goalkeeper could do nothing but pick the ball out of his net.

For the third consecutive game Baker was forced to shake things up in order to salvage a result. Young Matto Corradini’s confidence will have hardly been given a boost by his third successive substitution, with Yasser Zaghloul once again taking his place up front in a 4-4-2. O’Sullivan Caras meanwhile was left to suffer another quarter of an hour in St. Louis’ pocket before his removal, and the introduction of the squad’s youngest man Reiban Okeke. Kelssek understandably stood back, but very nearly embarrassed C&M even further with a fine run and shot by Douglas Crawford deflected away to safety by Sam Young.

With mere moments left, the Big Blues retrieved some respectability from Neorvins with the equaliser, Cassumba Domingos cutting in from the right to launch a scuffed effort at Davis. It deflected off Dubois instead into Zaghloul’s path whose own shot bounced off the CF Outineau defender’s head and left Davis diving in the wrong direction. The Port Sion man was rightly unashamed to take it all the same.

And so C&M’s away-day tour reaches its third game of eight. For Baker now faces a friendly in Nire (though not Nire) that actually has a piece of silverware to compete for, the first ever international game in the unfamiliar surroundings of the Estadio Arrigo Nacional, and a trio of suddenly daunting trips to the homes of the Boyars, Kiryu-shi and World Cup newcomers Zemyzha Myzhent.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/kelssek.png Kelssek 2
St. Louis 45+2, Sinclair 56

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Candelaria And Marquez.png Candelaria And Marquez 2
Vélez 29, Zaghloul 88

Ariddia

27-11-2007, 16:38

Ariddia forges into the lead

There seems to be little doubt now that the Ariddian Isles will qualify for the World Cup. A trip to Minilla Island saw the Rouge-et-Noirs crush their opponents by eight goals to nil, matching their all-time record for a World Cup game.

In an encounter which was mostly one-sided, the Ariddian Islanders put three goals past their adversaries in the first half (Mohamed 10’, Petras 24’, Takahara 29’), then a conclusive five in the second (Petras 58’, Shahrour 63’, Hwang 69’, Shahrour 84’, Mohamed 87’).

A ninth goal, by Cindy Church in the ninety-first minute, was disallowed due to an offside.

“The Minilla Islanders fought hard and did their best,” Ariddian captain Jeremy Isaacs said afterwards. “They have nothing to be ashamed of. We weren’t out to try and humiliate them, but we want to score as many goals as we possibly can, build up a good goal differential.”

At present, Ariddia’s goal difference is +30, and the Rouge-et-Noirs have scored the highest number of goals (34, ahead of Az-cz’s 29). Some supporters are tentatively talking of a new golden age.

Meanwhile, West Ariddian TV programme Westville News is using a cartoon double of Archregimancy player Father Demetrius as one of its prominent characters. Fr. Demetrius is portrayed as a jolly drunkard making slurred and sarcastic but insightful comments on world news. Canal V has said that the cartoon figure’s behaviour “may not be an absolute likeness of the real Fr. Demetrius”, but that the public “adore him”, giving him what seems to be an instant cult status in West Ariddian popular culture. Several years ago, the real Fr. Vasily the Heavily-Accented had enjoyed similar popularity in Ariddia with his catchprase “Is outrage!”.

Quick-thinking companies in West Ariddia have combined the two trends in a fresh brand of products, hitting the markets this week:

http://img442.imageshack.us/img442/6365/demetriuswy0.png

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/minilla_island.png Minilla Island 0-8 Ariddian Isles http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/the_ariddian_isles.png

Candelaria And Marquez

27-11-2007, 17:10

http://i176.photobucket.com/albums/w175/candelariaandmarquez/Hernandez.png

“…were always going to be a challenge though. All things considered, I’m not dissatisfied with the point. At least they weren’t crawling around in our shorts, let’s be honest.”

(laughs awkwardly) “Quite so, so it’s Uiri away up next for us, do you…?”

Lyndon Hernández, the Chair of the Candelaria And Marquez House of Representatives all-party group on Rushmori agricultural subsidies and Minister for Rational Thought, muted the television and tutted under his breath. At times it seemed to him that more so even than the matches themselves, the post-match press conferences from ill-educated foreigners made his job a nightmare. A very lucrative nightmare certainly, but still…

He hit the black button on his desk.

“Dan? Don’t suppose you can get something on the wires containing a plausible explanation for that comment?”

“What, crawlingaroundinourshortsgate? Um… I could try…”

“Some sort of gay reference, possibly? The Kelssekian backs-against-the-wall?”

“Well… We did establish in the literature given to our journalists that Zemyzha Myzhent is, from our perspective, a rather sexist country. I suppose we could suggest that homosexual liaisons are an excepted, or indeed encouraged, part of male society while the womenfolk are expected to play the role of the good little wifey and bang out an endless stream of kids…”

“That’d probably do, Dan. Good thinking, that man.”

“Yeah… I’d probably have to make some changes to the Myzhentic capital… Besides, is it really in our interests to make the Kelssekians appear so… unenlightened about that sort of thing?”

“Not while President Anderson still wants arse-lickingly cordial relations with ‘em, no… Still, we can be careful not to condone the comments these old sporting dinosaurs, whatever country they’re from, eh?”

“Alright, sir. Um, I’ll be off to order a couple of anatomically unlikely, homoerotic statues for the city square, then?”

“Whatever you think best, Daniel. I’ll leave it in your capable hands as ever.”

He depressed the button dramatically. “Bloody mice,” he muttered to no-one in particular. “We’ll see how dumb us see-un-emmians are…”

Bettia

27-11-2007, 17:15

"...the Arora Grand National, live from Ceffinton Downs, only on Sonastra Sports!"

"And you join us back here in Spaam for Bettia's crucial World Cup qualifier, where the two teams are about to kick off. The atmosphere's been building up nicely here, and the team captains are in the centre with the referee taking the coin toss. The Spaamian captain won it and is electing to take the kick-off. Oh, but what's this? Bettia's captain, Crybaby Levy, appears to be..., yes, he's having a tantrum! Now what on earth could that be all about?"

"I don't know. It looks as though he may have lost the toss, and he's not happy about it. Look at him, bawling his eyes out and stamping his feet. Oh well, with any luck, he'll stop crying soon and we can get started..."

Twenty minutes later

"...and he's STILL crying! His face has gone a disgusting shade of red. Oh, what a shameful moment in Bettian footballing history. A Bettian, in red! Oh, the humanity!!"

"Well, on a lighter note it looks as though the Spaamian captain has relented and he's letting Bettia kick off. Ah, and it looks like Levy's a bit happier now he's finally got his own way. After a long delay, we're finally ready to get this game started."

Seventeen Minutes

"Useful looking pass there from Levy, finds Cowler on the wing. Oh look at him racing up the wing there! Showing a good turn of speed for an eight-year-old. In fact, it looks as if he's going to run all the way off the pitch. He doesn't seem to have noticed how far he's gone, he's almost off. Phew! He's realised just in time and cuts the ball back to Llifon Rhys, who punts the ball into the penalty area. Barkley's free! She has a free header! Goal! One-nil to Bettia! Young Tessie Barkley put the Aroralings ahead, but.. oh dear, she's crying! What's happened?"

"I don't know. Maybe the ball was going a bit too fast for her there and it's hurt her little head. Here comes the physio... no, wait, I'm mistkaen - that's her mum, giving her a little hug with a 'There's my brave little girl" speech there. Awww, how sweet. A little kiss on the forehead, and she's ready to go. So, Bettia go ahead after a quiet opening."

Forty-Two Minutes

"Akim Al-Sikamiya now with the ball, nutmegs one player, goes around another, and he's into the penalty area. He lines up to shoot! Oh! What an awful challenge there. Obvious penalty there, obvious. And it's been given."

"This isn't looking good for Al-Sikamiya, he looks hurt. He may have to go off here."

"And the referee's having a word with the guilty party here. It's a straight red! The referee's sent him off for that dangerous tackle. And the Spaamian manager's doing his nut at pitchside, as are most of the players!"

"Al-Sikamiya's being substituted, to be replaced by Hywel Llud."

"At least young Akim's able to walk off. Maybe it looked worse than it was."

"Llifon Rhys to take the kick. The Spaamian goalkeeper doing everything he can to put him off. He runs up, and... he's tapped it forward. The keeper's already dived, the defence has been caught by surprise. Barkley and Llud have an open goal... and Hywel Llud scores, and he's only just come onto the pitch! And he celebrates by sticking his tongue out at Barkley, who starts crying again. Oh deary me."

"Well, the rumour is Jamil Jenkins doesn't like playing on the same team as a girl. It'll be interesting to see how well he and Barkley work together in the second half."

Fifty-Seven Minutes

"The Bettian kids, two goals up and with a player advantage, looking comfortable, playing the ball around like they're professionals. Barkley now, takes the ball and... oh my word, she's skipping through the defence here. I mean, she's literally skipping here. She's made fools out of her markers, she's one-on-one with the keeper. Oh, lovely little turn there, she just trapped the ball and spun round mid-skip, and she scores!"

"Three-nil to Bettia, and I gotta say that was probably the cutest goal ever scored in the history of the World Cup, or indeed in football full-stop!"

Sixty-Two Minutes

"Spaam are looking totally demoralised. They're being turned over by a seventh-grade team playing top-grade football. M'an Gwent now on the left wing showing some good play here, lays it forward to Llifon Rhys who toe-pokes the ball up towards goal. He's caught the keeper off his line, he's backtracking desperately... oooh! He's just managed to palm it onto the crossbar, but here Barkley and Llud racing to get the loose ball. Tessie Barkley's gonna get there first, she taps it in! Goal! Four-nil to Bettia!"

"Oh dear, young Hywel's not taking this very well. Now it's his turn to start crying, he's throwing a tantrum in the goal area."

"I guess being beaten by a girl's not his idea of fun, huh?"

Seventy-Nine Minutes

"Llifon Rhys now, he's had a good game. He's shown the sort of moves that got his daddy into the Bettian squad for previous World Cups, but he hasn't had any reward for his efforts yet."

"No, not yet, but if he stays patient, he'll get it."

"His way's blocked by three defenders, all of who are a good foot-and-a-half taller than him. Spaam are being forced to throw men back, this is just a damage limitation exercise now. Rhys plays the ball to Levy, who immediately chips the ball forward. Rhys has broken free of his markers and he belts the ball! Goal! Oh my word, have you ever seen a kid strike the ball like that?"

"Not a seven year old, no. He just caught that high ball perfectly and it's flown into the top corner before the keeper could react. Amazing stuff. I don't know what sort of training they've been doing, but it looks like Amir Bettison's unearthed some real talent here, and he's only seven years old!"

Ninety-One Minutes

"Bettia are cruising now, whistles are ringing out from the banks of green and gold away to our left. Spaam are just playing the ball around at the back trying to find an opening to launch one final attack. Rhys races up to the defender, who turns and lays the ball back to his goalkeeper. He's missed it! The ball's bobbled up at the last moment and snuck over his foot, and all he can do now is watch as it trickles in."

"Well, what an extraordinary end to the game, and the final insult to an already despirited home team. It's six-nil to Bettia, and kids are looking happy as the final whistle goes. Hat-trick heroine Tessie Barkley goes to collect the matchball. Oh dear. Hywel Llud's having none of it, and he's snatched it away from her!"

"Well that's most unsporting from the young tyke there. Look, he's made Barkley cry again!"

"Amir Bettison's got his work cut out now. He's gone up to Hywel and he's giving him a good telling off! Hywel's shaking his hea, but Bettison's having none of it - he's wagging his finger! Hywel's walking up to Tessie, and he's given her the ball back. But that's not good enough, Bettison's still telling him to do something. He's shaking his head and starting to walk away. Now he's stopped and turned around. What's he doing now? He's walking up to Tessie and... awwww! He's kissed her on the cheek. And he runs away, sticking his tongue out and wiping his mouth furiously, as though he's just been force-fed an entire tin of mashed-up turnips."

"Ah well, it seems to have cheered Tessie up there."

"Yes, that's a cute little smile from her there! So, the final score here - Spaam 0, Bettia 6. And now it's back to the studio!"

Fixtures / Results

MD..OPPONENT................VENUE...RESULT

Qualifying Group 8

FR: Az-cz...................Away.......D 4-4
01: The Archregimancy.......Away.......W 8-1
02: Tuaim...................HOME.......W 8-1
03: Vikingholm..............HOME.......W 4-0
04: Ad'ihan.................HOME.......L 1-2
05: Squornshelous...........Away.......L 3-4
06: Casari..................Away.......W 4-0
07: Spaam...................Away.......W 6-0
08: The Archregimancy.......HOME.......
09: Tuaim...................Away.......
10: Vikingholm..............Away.......
11: Ad'ihan.................Away.......
12: Squornshelous...........HOME.......
13: Casari..................HOME.......
14: Spaam...................HOME.......

Sorthern Northland

27-11-2007, 18:22

Importent announcment from the Sorthern Northland Ministry of Superstitions

For the attention of all citizens who care about the national football team.

Following the recent 4-0 defeat to Oliverry the Sorthern Northland Ministry of Superstitions (SNMoS) understands that a number of citizens did not take part in the practise of sacrificing a rubber chicken to "Margaret". This annoyed "Margaret" very much and she unleashed her wrath upon us as we were played off the park, with red cards being given out to Kim Min-Kim, Jing Mao and Korea China, meaning we will have to rely on Neuville Senna in attack in our next game. This is a situation we never want to be in again, and to avoid this we ask that all citizens prior to the game against The Pazhujeb Islands, go down to their local state sponserd supermarket and buy ten rubber chickens and whilst the national anthems are being played sacrifice these chickens to "Margaret". All citizens MUST do this, including those travelling to the game itself. It is your duty as a Sorthern Northlander. We also urge all citizens to wear yellow underwear on a match day, as yellow is known to bring luck.

Yours faithfully
George L. Oony
Head of the Sorthern Northland Ministry of Superstitions

Bostopia

27-11-2007, 18:49

“Hey, I've figured out what's missing from my life!” Mark yelled as he ran into the room.

Julie, his girlfriend looked up.

“Sex?”

They hadn't yet.

“No! I need a kazoo!”

They still wouldn't be for a while.

“But...wouldn't you need a comb?”

“Yep. Stole one out of some bloke's back pocket!”

Julie looked outside, seeing a six foot five, thirteen stone man outside.

“Him?”

“Yep. Wait. Crap. JIMMY DO ONE, BRUV!”

Kura-Pelland

27-11-2007, 18:50

MD8 RP cutoff

Wentland

27-11-2007, 21:36

Anna Kumble was delighted in her interview straight after the Nire and Nire match. "Yes, we are very pleased to get revenge after they beat us first time out...with the eight against Prux it puts us in a great position for qualifying."

"Anna, did you miss Kita Oliver out there today?"

"Not really, she is not a main player in the squad, and has a slight injury, so she has stayed at home."

"What do you mean stayed at home?"

"Well, she didn't fly out. It's better for her to stay at home."

"Anna, that's not the reason why she didn't fly out..."

"What do you mean?"

"You mean you haven't heard?"

"Heard what?"

***
"Is this true, boss?"

"Beats me. I'm just getting info from the FA. What's this about a kidnap?"

"We've just had this faxed through from back home..."

http://www.joshuarey.com/ransom/p/3.gif http://www.joshuarey.com/ransom/l/2.gif http://www.joshuarey.com/ransom/a/6.gif http://www.joshuarey.com/ransom/y/1.gif
http://www.joshuarey.com/ransom/n/6.gif http://www.joshuarey.com/ransom/e/2.gif http://www.joshuarey.com/ransom/w/2.gif http://www.joshuarey.com/ransom/t/6.gif http://www.joshuarey.com/ransom/o/2.gif http://www.joshuarey.com/ransom/n/2.gif

"Play Newton?"

"What does that mean?"

"Where's Kita?"

Daehanjeiguk

27-11-2007, 22:21

Qualification Tour:
Group 3
MD1 - Daehanjeiguk(53) 1-3 (9)Sel Appa (@ Hangyeong)
MD2 - Alversia(153) 2-3 (53)Daehanjeiguk
MD3 - Daehanjeiguk(53) 2-2 (33)Dance 2 Revolution (@ Hanseong)
FR1 - Daehanjeiguk 1-1 Jeruselem (@ Hangyeong)
FR2 - Sorthern Northland 6-0 Daehanjeiguk
MD4 - Mallatarsland(157) 1-6 (53)Daehanjeiguk
MD5 - Geisenfried(42) 2-3 (53)Daehanjeiguk
MD6 - Daehanjeiguk(53) 2-4 (18)Tynelia (@ Malnira)
MD7 - Hopeless SC(114) 0-2 (53)Daehanjeiguk
MD8 - Sel Appa(9) --- (53)Daehanjeiguk (@ Nemnenait)
MD9 - Daehanjeiguk(53) --- (153)Alversia (@ Sanghae)
MD10 - Dance 2 Revolution(33) --- (53)Daehanjeiguk
MD11 - Daehanjeiguk(53) --- (157)Mallatarsland (@ Gwangdong)
MD12 - Daehanjeiguk(53) --- (42)Geisenfried (@ Pyeongyang)
MD13 - Tynelia(18) --- (53)Daehanjeiguk
MD14 - Daehanjeiguk(53) --- (114)Hopeless SC (@ Hangyeong)

After the game:

The streets were clear after the match, and the tumbleweed were tumbling down the row. It was deathly silent - the only sounds were the deft pause of the wind, the debt-ridden mortgage broker, the depth of the Hopeless streams, and the daft blow of a fart - Sang's to be precise.

"Could you be any more discreet?"

"I have nothing to hide! Why should I care what the world thinks of my gas?"

"I do - because I'm smelling it!"

"So my fart is going to ruin your day, even though the Han won the match?"

"Maybe. As long as you have a use for that."

Sang passed gas again, and Choe let out a roar of frustration. Immediately, a man stood in front of them, wielding a pistol at hand. His face was masked and everything about him gave Choe the impression that he wanted to kill them. But Sang was worry-free, as he always was.

"Jimmy Jo-Bob. I should have known that the Rancid Oppressors Against Raccoons would send you."

"Ain't that right? And don't you know?"

"You're no match for me, Jimmy Jo-Bob. They called Le Petomane for a reason."

"Ain't that right? And don't you know?"

"Then you are prepared to face my ire?"

"Ain't that right? And don't you know?"

Choe took the time to interrupt at this critical juncture: "Don't you say anything else? It's kinda stupid and dull to keep saying the same thing over and over again."

"Ain't that right? And don't you know?"

Sang pulled Choe aside. "Don't let his mouth fool you! He's a gullible and crazy man, whose renown extended beyond the Dreamed Realm! I'm concerned that he might try to bring down this city with his raw power." Choe glanced at Jimmy Jo-Bob, wondering what power he had to wreck such trouble destruction on the city. "He's weak."

"Don't let his appearance fool you! His flatulence is renowned throughout the land. He is a true quick-draw."

Choe snapped his attention at that. "Flatulence?"

"Yes."

"This guys farts for a living? Why does he have a gun?"

"It's his secret weapon."

"Why is it a secret?"

Sang whispered into Choe's ears, "Because it helps him fart. The secret is to take away the gun - then he cannot fart. He farts in fear."

"Okay. So, now I'm getting a gas mask..."

Immediately, as Choe was getting away, Jimmy Jo-Bob yelled, "Stop right there!" Choe stopped, but as he turned around, he noticed that the friendly neighborhood Hopeless Chili Dog Man was coming around. He continued to walk away to get his gas mask while Jimmy Jo-Bob contentedly ate his luscious chili dog. He turned to Sang and said, "This is hopeless you know."

"Well, you are indeed hopeless. Let's just get on with this, shall we?"

"Of course." Jimmy Jo-Bob aimed his pistol to the sky and fired a single shot. Instantly, a foul and brown gas fell out from him as he flew into the sky. The gas he left behind was noxious, but Sang - the ever cautious monk - had learned the art of breath control. Jimmy Jo-Bob's fart spray had covered the first city block, and people left and right were gasping for air, but not Sang. He gazed into the sky at Jimmy Jo-Bob, and aiming for his pistol, he shot into the sky with an equally powerful flap of white gas. Jimmy Jo-Bob, seeing Sang's approach, parried the blow with a quick puff, and the two began a series of puff and flap attacks in the sky. Those onlookers who were fortunate not to have a sense of smell gazed up and saw various messages in the sky: "EAt mOrE chIckEn"; "It's gAs gAs gAs"; "If yOU hAvE Ed And nEEd hElp wIth It, cOntAct yOUr lOcAl physIcIAn fOr mOrE InfOrmAtIOn"; "I jUst fArtEd"; and other things. People were screaming wildly left and right, and some opportunistic people took advantage of the situation to go out and parade in the street naked. By the time Choe emerged from the gas mask shop in the middle of town, he realized what sort of a mess had occurred. He resigned himself to thinking - "At least it's not a zombie horde."

The mid-air battle was continuing to rage wildly, until finally Sang managed to trick Jimmy Jo-Bob to give up his gun. And he fell down to the ground, dead instantly, but not before his body exhumed the remnants of his gas. The whole affair had covered the entire city in flatus, and people left and right were still left to gasp. But seeing that his fight had been won, Sang descended softly and met up with Choe in the midst of the noxious air. "Are you ready to go home?" Choe didn't bother to reply, and they went home, but not before the city began to explode.

"What happened?" Choe asked, as the cloud flew away.

Sang pointed at Choe's pants - "They're on fire again."

Zwangzug

27-11-2007, 22:52

Voices from the bench:

"So what are the words to that 11-part harmony anthem the Imperial squad are singing before the match?"

"You think I know?"

"No."

"It's just some stupid this pre-match stuff. Ariddia started it, then Starblaydia joined, pretty soon everyone wants to play."

"It's not that different from our thing with the oboist."

"Everybody does that. Just not necessarily with oboists."

"But you know what they say about stuff Ariddia starts and the Holy Empire joins into?"

"No."

"Neither do I."

-

"How did he do that? One second Owens was back there, the next, he was scoring the goal! That's insane!"

"No, you're speaking at a reasonable rate and making perfect sense. That's insane."

"The Dreamed Realm automatically translates any language, and presumably dialects too. Awesome, huh?"

"Who asked you?"

"But why can't I understand what they were saying before the game?"

"If you understood, it wouldn't rhyme as well."

"Oh, that makes sense."

"I still want to try practicing some of that, though."

"You're in luck, actually: injuries are automatically healed here too."

"Hey, I'm not that bad!"

-

"Who's that with the ball?"

"Jones."

"I mean now?"

"Jones."

"No, that was the guy that just-somebody else has it now, forget it."

"I think that's Jones."

"I'm not sure."

"Why do you even care?"

"They're good players, I want to know what they're doing if I play them on the return leg. Who's got it now?"

"That's Brendan, you idiot."

"He just scored!"

"They're lulling us into a false sense of confidence, I'm sure."

-

"Fifteen and fourteen are working together well now that they've finally gotten a chance to play: that's fourteen's second goal today."

"They do have names."

"I know that."

"Do you know what they are?"

"Is that relevant?"

"Never mind.

-

"Watch out for Megan on the way back, okay? I think she's getting the wrong idea."

"Which one?"

"That traveling to an extradimensional realm where language barriers melt aside and injuries are instantly healed could be sort of fun."

"Oh, that. Thanks."

"No problem. Yet."

"Still, eleven-part harmony...how do they do it?"

"I still don't know. Or care."

"I didn't expect you to."

"That's a little better, then."

Cafundeu

27-11-2007, 23:50

OLHO NO LANCE! YOUR SPORTS MAGAZINE!
$PECIAL $ECTION

WORLD CUP 38 QUALIFIERS COVERAGE - WITH GLOBO MULTIMEDIA
Written by Sílvio Ruiz, with comments from TV made by Breno Gavião

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

MÁ FORMA EM CASA RETORNA. TIME SUPERESTIMADO?

http://img518.imageshack.us/img518/4203/123hg1.jpg
Supporters try to motivate the team

The motivated National Team of Cafundéu finished the first leg of the World Cup qualifiers with a difficult game against Errinundera, which unfortunately ended with a loss. With the result, Cafundéu continues in the second place of the group with sixteen points, one more than Novapsolu and seven more than the main rivals of Estresse Intenso. Qualification seems an easy goal, but something worries the Monopolists. The team won all the away games, but had two negative results at home. Maybe the team is returning to have a bad form at home, something that started in World Cup 33 and seemed to stop in World Cup 36?

Changes and Absences: Neto returns. Vergara takes Marcelinho’s place.
Formation: offensive 4-4-2.
Opponent: a strong team, one of 10 best of the world, but we couldn’t recognize the players.

THE FIRST HALF: still with the offensive strategy that put Cafundéu among the best teams of the first round of the qualifiers, the Monopolists tried to score a goal in the first ten minutes of the game, but were unsuccessful. Flecha received a pass inside the area and shot, but the defender made a magnificent save. Another great save happened minutes after, when Anormal tried to score with a long ranged shot. Although the team wasn’t playing badly, its attacks were stopped by the well-prepared defence of Errinundera.

And the visitors started their reply after the middle of the half. With some smart counterattacks and crossings, they gave a lot of work to Lauro. In one opportunity, an attacker received the ball from a crossing and shot. The ball hit the post, returned to the attacker, who shot again. Lauro made a miracle saving the shot. The remaining of the first half was composed of many chances for both teams, it was a good game, but the goalkeepers were having a good day. But, after the forty minute, Carlão fouled a midfielder near the area. In the free kick, the ball was sent to the area, Lauro left the goal in a bad way, and a defender headed the ball, scoring the goal.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 1 (Errinundera’s goal): “Frrrrree kick for Errrrrinunderrrrra. We arrrrre rrrrreaching the end of the firrrrrrst half in this difficult game, verrrrry difficult. The ball is crrrrrossed to the arrrrrrea... the heading... and it’s a goal! Goal for Errrrrinunderrrrra! Errrrrinunderrrrra one, Cafundéu zerrrrro! Clothes designed by the best designerrrrrs of the worrrrrld at good and high prrrrrices you only find in Wanda Clothes, the shop of the elegant people!”

http://img87.imageshack.us/img87/6469/010716764ex00ao2.jpg
Del Valle controls the ball in the midfield

THE SECOND HALF: Cafundéu’s plans of recovery in the game started with problems in the second half. The defender Carlão suffered a minor injury and had to be substituted. In the attacks, Cafundéu had extreme difficulties in finding breaches in the opponent’s defence. There were some interesting counterattacks but, when an attacker or other player could shot to the goal, the goalkeeper appeared making good saves. Braddock tried to change the fate of the game with more changes, but it didn’t seem to work.

And it wasn’t only the defence of Errinundera that was working well. The midfield did a good job in controlling the ball and stopping the intelligent and creative offensive midfielders of Cafundéu. The visitors attacked much less in the second half, but it was more because they were satisfied with the result than because they couldn’t reach the Monopolists’ area. But, in the best chance of Errinundera in the second half, Lauro had to leave the goal and foul the opponent, receiving a yellow card. The attacker and his team mates complained, asking for a red, but nothing more happened. The game ended with a simple win for Errinundera.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 2 (Cafundéu counterattack): “The ball is stuck in the midfield, Errrrrinunderrrrra contrrrrrolling the pace of the game. Anorrrrrmal fights the opponent... and takes the ball! Fast pass to Léo Mattos, the winger in a good position and rrrrreaching the attack! Drrrrribbles an opponent, crrrrrosses the ball to the arrrrrea... Ferrrrrrrreirrrrra heads it... the goalkeeper saves! Good attack! Want to become rrrrrrich? Fast? The best way is parrrrrticipating in the Imperrrrrial lottery! The Sena offerrrrrs the giant prrrrrize of thirty million vintéms!”

CURIOUS MOMENTS: this was a very difficult game, where the players were concentrated at their maximum, so nothing really different happened inside the field. But, during the game, a religious leader took the microphone from the hands of the stadium announcer and shouted, saying that the world would end soon, and that everyone should follow him and enter in his church to be saved. It is believed that he was able to convert approximately twenty-one fans.

JORGE LANG - INTERVIEWS: not the wanted result, but the expected result. So, the coach and the players weren’t really sad with the loss, but a bit disappointed. First, I talked with the coach, because my contract obligates me to talk with the coach first. He told me: “The team fought during all the game to get the positive result, but their defence was very strong and we couldn’t score. They had more luck than us, and were able to take advantage of the chance. But we are still in a good position in the table.”

And the players? Well, I was able to talk with the midfielder Neto, who said: “Only one bad game doesn’t mean nothing. We are strong, and we will qualify. I promise that I’ll try to score a goal in the next game to show you that I’m right.” The midfielder Anormal said: “The first loss in this qualifiers. We are playing well, and I’m sure that we can win the next game in front of our fans. A loss against Errinundera isn’t something really bad.”

BEST PLAYERS OF THE GAME (Ruiz’s opinion): for Cafundéu, the main players were the goalkeeper Lauro, who stopped many attacks of Errinundera; Anormal, who played really well in the first half, but nearly disappeared in the second; and Léo Mattos, who was able to create some good chances using the wings. I can’t recognize the players from Errinundera, but the best was the goalkeeper.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 3 (Lauro’s foul): “Long pass to the attack, Cafundéu’s defence wasn’t expecting for this pass! The attacker gets the ball unmarrrrrked, will prrrrrobably invade the arrrrrea... Laurrrrro leaves the goal and fouls him! The rrrrreferrrrree comes... and it’s a yellow! The rrrrreferrrrree is now surrrrrrrrounded by Errrrrinunderrrrra playerrrrrs, they want the rrrrred! Confusion herrrrre! Your mobile phone is old? Change it for one of our new VHS a hundred and forty-seven! An offer by Sávio Electrrrrronics!”

http://img518.imageshack.us/img518/4993/6056226579gaax8.jpg
The defender commemorates the goal

CAFUNDÉU 0x1 ERRINUNDERA

Place: Obelisco Monumental, in Lasft.
Attendance: 199,908 people.
Referee: Sanders Bresherkov (Milchama).
MOTM: Errinundera’s goalkeeper (Errinundera).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Lauro; Léo Mattos, Toninho, Eduardo Monte and Carlão (Del Valle 49’); Anormal, Vergara (Marcelinho 75’) , Rato and Neto; Heitor and Flecha (Ferreira 62’).
Coach: Franz Braddock.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/errinundera.png ERRINUNDERA: no team released.

Goals:ERI: Defender 42’.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cafundéu – formation for game against Merovis: Lauro; Léo Mattos, Índio, Eduardo Monte and Lobato; Anormal, Vergara, Rato and Neto; Heitor and Flecha.
Coach: Franz Braddock.
Style of +3

Match’s Referee: John Matsushita (Kiryu-Shi).

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Goalscorers after 7 games:

9- Heitor
6- Flecha
2- Anormal and Neto
1- Toninho, Marcelinho, Ferreira, Léo Mattos and Eduardo Monte.
1 own goal

Estresse Intenso

28-11-2007, 00:10

BE CALM NEWSPAPER - FIRST HALF OF THE QUALIFIERS ENDS. INSTITUTE IN DELICATE SITUATION

The Landau Institute National Team played its first seven games in World Cup qualifiers, wanting to go for the second time to a World Cup. Playing in group 9, the same group of those %*#*#$(@ monarchists of Cafundéu, our main rival inside and outside the playing field, the team had many problems with team work, and lost many precious points.

The team was able to win only two of the seven games, something that wasn't expected, as this team is composed of the best patients and doctors of this Institute. Also, the update of The Machine seemed to have made no effect at all, as the team continued to draw many games, three. The team also lost two games, but these were expected losses against Novapsolu and Errinundera.

The decision of fielding a mixed team caused some problems. Some doctors don't like the patients, and didn't like the idea of having to work with some of them. Also, some patients dislike the doctors too. To make things worse, nobody likes The Wanderer, who is one of the key players of the team. But the players that are performing best are: Bira, Father Anacleto and Professor Selic.

Although the team had some bad results, a game showed that this team can fight to get a better result. In Cafundéu, in the most awaited game of the qualifiers for the citizens of the Institute, the team was losing by the result of 2x0. And returned to the second half with a different attitude, being able to score twice to get a draw.

So, the Landau Institute team is in a complicated situation, but a situation that can be changed. Our players need to focus on the qualification, and forget the differences. Good luck to our players!

ALSO: CAFUNDELENSE MAFIA WORKS AGAIN

And they say that they have a safe country. This wasn't what we saw days ago, when we discovered that the Cafundelense Mafia was able to kidnapp a Wentland player, not an important one, but she is a human being. They were able to enter in Cafundéu with the woman, and now are holding her in an unknown place. They demand that the Wentland FA replace her by Lennie Newton, a good striker. We are sure that money is involved in this. The Emperor is involved in this! All the Cafundelenses are involved in this! The Pope is involved in this! You that are reading this now is involved too! Monarchy lovers!

But, returning to the point, our hackers were able to intercept a phone call between two members of the Cafundelense Mafia. Here, we will write what they talked:

"Job done. The girl is with us, now Lennie must return to the NT."

"Excellent. We need to get the money fast."

"I also sent a video to Globo."

"Good job. Maybe we will get more customers with this. We need to do more jobs, few people ask the Mafia for services these days."

"I wanna ask you something. Does this Lennie Newton really deserve all that we are doing?"

"Maybe not ALL. But he is a good player, although I prefer Barnes."

"I prefer Fe-Do. Even Hartenholm is better than Barnes."

"But Hartenholm is an excellent player!"

"Okay, okay, let's stop discussing. One thing is certain: that Norman Hacker is very dumb to call only girls to participate in a World Cup."

"I don't think so. Girls can be excellent players too."

"I don't agree. This Hacker is an idiot."

"I've heard that Newton dislikes Hacker too."

"Hmm... let's stop talking about work. How is your family?"

"Fine. My wife is recovered from the surgery, and..."

(conversation continues)

Jeruselem

28-11-2007, 00:21

Dear Peter Jeffers

Hey, it's me. Things are pretty with the Jeruselem team despite these Restoration of True Morality people and the loss to the Capitalist SLANI. The incident with Dinkie Dosha last world cup has made our security very tight so no weirdos hanging except maybe ones in the team.

My sister Fiskin has settled into the team pretty well now. She's even getting friendly some of single men in the team! Well, she is a Dallas girl. My niece, the Princess herself, is same old self. Funny thing, people sometimes call her Dazza Dallas by accident. Even people who know she's not Dazza Dallas call her Dazza. It get confusing when the real Dazza turns up.

Admittedly, Kate is the same height, got the same hair colour, got the same squeaky schoolgirl voice and dresses like a slut (like Mum). She even sulks when we lose games, like her Mum. No wonder people call her Dazza by accident.

Actually those Restoration of True Morality people think Kate Dallas isn't a daughter of Dazza, they think she's a clone. Yeah, I was reading some of their stuff and it's interesting. These morality people think us Dallas girls are incarnations of the Egyptian goddess Isis, who is evil to them. Hose Tunk told me, the Roman goddess of Love called Venus is actually Isis herself. These people think the Goddess is back as Kate Dallas and she is the Whore of Babylon.

The other team members are doing alright too. Kara Kool is trying to become more popular than Kate. She's very pretty and smart too like her mother Rachel Kool. The guys here are cute, but I'm not going be tempted. Mind you, they don't seem be interested in a cross-eyed girl like me. Maybe I might need some surgery too fix that.

Scarlet Ferris has been making funny cartoons of everyone around here. she's pretty good with this stuff. She's quite an artist with the computer! I think she wants to make some money from that West Arridian satire newspaper.

I heard the coach Sark Kozy is planning to move house to a farm. Kate said it was an orchard. He likes the country and country lifestyle. He also said the new neighbours were very unpleasant people

Bostopia is doing well, and I hope they can do better than last cup. I dream of a Jeruselem vs Bostopia final. We both win that way!

Oh, Hose Tunk thinks I should try for captaincy or vice-captaincy next cup. I'm too dumb as I doubt I could do what Skate does. The team need a noisy captain, one which isn't afraid being honest. I'm too quiet.

I met some of my fans yesterday. They said they liked cross-eyed girls. Hey hey, look on youtube for a video of Skate doing "mouse" dance - I know you'll like it. I tried myself but I kinda fell over and looked stupid. Fiskin tried too but she didn't do it right. Must be some kind of Dazza Dallas daughter thing. Kara's pretty good though.

Oh we won today, ate one against the poor Boyars. Skate was on drugs or something, they couldn't stop her. And that Gime guy got a few too for a change. Kara and Hose got a few too.

I've attached Scooter's cartoon of me!

Love, your dolly
Hikfie Dallas

http://img148.imageshack.us/img148/9292/hikfiedallasyr8.png

Casari

28-11-2007, 01:20

"Well, that was easy." Jimmy said, counting a stack of tens and twenties as he sat down at the bar next to the others.

"How the hell did you get that?"

"Sold the rest of my tickets, how else?" Jimmy said, shoving it in the pocket.

"What?" Tob asked, slightly shocked. "What a bloody traitor."

"Who cares. Boring as hell to watch anyway."

"I'm just not hearing this. A traitor like you doesn't deserve tickets anyway."

"I'm going to go get Blades tickets, actually, there's still some seasons left for cheap." Jimmy said. "You can't say Hockey's not more fun to watch than soccer."

"That's a bit true." Ryan said. "Hold up, I'll go with ya."

"You too?" Tob said, shaking his head. "I've lost all respect for you guys."

"You never had any respect for us anyway. Let's hit it, whoo, Hockey!"

Tob and Rolly looked at each other and shrugged, continuing to drink. "Meh, hopefully they'll regret it."

"We'll probably regret it more, the way this bloody thing is going." Rolly said, slouching on the barstool. "Did we ever figure out who that guy was in your bed?"

"Meh, I'm just happier not knowing." Tob said, sighing.

"You notice the worse and worse the team gets, the less and less we talk about it?"

"Yeah, actually. You think we'd want to know how to fix it."

"Meh, who cares. It's a pain to just think about."

"They have to be distracted by something, what on earth else could make them that bad?" Tob asked.

Sel Appa

28-11-2007, 02:34

"Unstoppables" Slowed

The Turtles have become known as the "Unstoppables" in Sel Appan media lately because of their unceasing wins over other teams in the qualification group. After a highly successful World Cup 37, earning third place, the Turtles ranked 9th in the world. This set them up for a strong run through the 38's qualifiers. Team after team was shot down by the spectacular Sel Appan game that silenced even its strongest critics. The mighty engine roared and rolled forward. Seemingly fitting the name, the team was dubbed the "Unstoppables" after getting through the first half of qualifiers with solid wins.

However, the building bubble was soon to be slowed down by an almost stunning 1-1 draw against Daehanjeiguk at home. Turtle Stadium filled to capacity--some even tried to sneak in to watch standing up. TV viewership was estimated to be more than 250 million (1 billion+ watched the WC 37 Third Place match). Daehanjeiguk is one of the most popular foreign teams here, along with Bostopia and Cafundeu. The match had actually sold out all its tickets shortly after the game was announced.

Sel Appans stormed to see one of their foreign favorites take on the Turtles at home and did they ever get a treat. Daehanjeiguk scored in the 7th minute, setting up a tense mood for the next 75 minutes until Miquelinho was able to slide the ball into the net. There were many close calls on both sides, but the Sel Appan defense was resilient and refused to allow any more goals. They would not lose. Meanwhile, attack after attack was halted by Daehanjeiguk. A penalty was earned in the 55th minute, but not converted. Daehanjeiguk was proud of winning over Sel Appa and began to get cocky by the 82nd minute, when Miquelinho scored the equalizer. Sel Appans were relieved, but did not get the second goal they wanted to keep their winning streak. Sel Appan coach Charles DuPont shook hands with an congratulated the Daehanjeiguk coach for "a tense, intriguing match". DuPont stated that Daehanjeiguk was a very capable team.

The Turtles maintain an undefeated streak for 9 matches, one away from tying the previous undefeated streak started in the World Cup 35 Group Stage and continuing into the World Cup 36 Qualifiers, until the Turtles were halted by Errinundera 3-5. The team expects to continue this streak and is quite capable of it. A complete undefeated streak through the qualifiers would set the Turtles up for the ultimate prize: the World Cup. Being in the top 10 automatically makes such a possibility extremely possible, but any missteps will send the team home.

Nire and Nire

28-11-2007, 04:55

The Nire International Stadium in Sentu was packed to capacity. 150,000 people had turned out to support the Bulls who had never lost in Sentu, the atmosphere inside the Stadium was electric. Granted they had only played there twice before but hopes had been high that "The Fortress" would catapult Nire and Nire into World Cup 38. It was not to be, the Wentland women proved too strong, or too distracting, for Nire and Nire and the 0-3 loss was demoralising. Coach Sohot slowly walked up the tunnel, his brow furrowed and a tear in his eye. Football was his world, yet he knew the world would have to wait for Nire and Nire.

Casari

28-11-2007, 05:31

The scene was a slightly dilapidated and currently empty tennis court in a city park, stuck between two buildings. Nobody would have probably known it happened if Willie O'Neill hadn't ran and grabbed his parent's video camera before the whole thing started.

Hill was the first to arrive, carrying a gym bag, dropping it by the gate and waiting for others to arrive. Lori Arienn was next, the national team's returning goalkeeper, who began using what looked like a yardstick to chalk boxes on the walls.

At once, the trio of former players kids, Ronalo, Ruhlman, and LeMurry and made it readily apparent that there wasn't much love lost between them and Hill. The timely arrival of 37 returnee Uri Bruski, who had been making starts for the seriously underperforming Peter Wright, seemed to settle the situation. Dropping a ball in the middle of the court, he greeted Hill and Arienn warmly, before the three turned and started talking. After a bit of pointing between the true groups, the most unlikely soccer match in the world started- high-stakes, private, three-on-three, first to twenty wins- complete with a live audience of a fifteen year old kid and a tape delay viewing of over fifty million.

---

"What the bloody hell was that? Do you have any bloody idea what the hell this makes us look like?" Mike yelled at the team, sitting down and cradling his head in his hands. "You're losing because you're too busy playing for bagfuls of fucking money in alleys!"

"It can't be that unpopular." Ronalo said slyly. "Half the nation's seen it."

"Aye, and half the people who have are PISSED. Ticket prices on the street dropped forty. Overnight."

"And the other half bought them, because it was bloody awesome."

"What do you want us to do? Rent out a court and put you playing for money on display?"

Ronalo shrugged and leaned back. "No different than basketball. The World Cup is dull anyway."

"A hockey rink might work better, with the walls and everything." Hill added slyly.

Mike blinked. "Who would play in this? How would we sell tickets?"

"Everyone would, that's the thing. And anyone who couldn't could watch. You could make boatloads."

Mike sat back in silence for a minute. "We might need to discuss it in committee."

Qazox

28-11-2007, 05:44

DEC 04 1933 (Pika City, Qazox)

Things are relatively back to normal. We didn't ahve a baised referee, the Bionics worked great, and we got a shutout 3-0 over whatever that country was.

The great news is that Ty Reed's injury was bad enough, he had to be treated by Dr. Hadel. His injury is healed, it was only a minor one, but it was the perfect oppertunity to get him started in the program. Dr. Hadel tells me that the nanites have completed the initial process and within a week, he'll be ready for the second stage, the implantation of the actual bionics themselves. Now if his wife will only get injured, then my plan will complete.

The team is still tied for 2nd, as the other top teams of the group all won. The next match is back in the Dome, against Jeru FC. A win should be easy enough, as we have to prepare for Turori in the capital.

SCORING SUMMARY:
(Qazox) Fry 18', 40'; Tripp: 68'
(Randovium) NONE

Green wombat

28-11-2007, 05:53

Jason Vallens World Cup Blog:

Matchday Eight vs. East Lithuania

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

We finally broke into the win column, an impressive 3-0 win over East Lithuania!

Claudia Bard scored twice and Jill Caffey managed to slip one goal home in the 89th minute as the home crowd cheered throughout, rattling the visitors enough to allow the home side to play extremely well.

The Scoring summary:
Green Wombat: Claudia Bard- 21'
Green Wombat: Claudia Bard- 60'
Green Wombat: Jill Caffey- 89'

In other Group action: Milchama tore up Bostopia 6-2, Lovisa eked out a 3-2 win over Prux and Wentland nailed Nire and Nire 3-0.

Up next for the Wombats is at home @ Prux. We have a decent chance at them, as they've haven't won in almost a month. A 3-2 win could happen.

Prux

28-11-2007, 06:15

PRUX' TOP NINE LIST VS. LOVISA Part 2

#9- Prux can't buy a win, as they lose again 3-2 to Lovisa

#8- Lovisa made it 1-0 in the 37th minute on a goal by: NAME CENSORED

#7- Lovisa made it 2-0 in the 52nd minute on a goal by: NAME CENSORED

#6- Meatball Sub, who started for a spheroid Pi R. Squared, made it 2-1 in the 59th minute by bouncing out a meatball that nicked a deflected shot in for the goal.

#5- Pies R. Round tied it at 2-2 in the 70th minute on a cruster off a corner kick from 007.

#4- Lovisa won it with a goal by: NAME CENSORED in the 78th minute.

#3- FAST FACT: All of our Subs have less than 10 grams of fat and less than 400 calories, except for Meatball Sub, which has 25 grams of fat and 750 calories.

#2- The draw drops Prux to 1-3-4, still 6th in the group, but now 10 points out of qualifcation.

#1- The next match is home to Green wombat. A 2-2 draw left us hungry for revenge, so a win here is in order.

TOP TEN LIST
1- Ariddia (8-0-0) +34 GD (prev #1)
2- Az-cz (7-1-0) +27 GD (prev #2)
3- Errinundera (8-0-0) +26 GD (prev #3)
4- ESF (8-0-0) +21 GD (prev #4)
5- Zwangzug (7-0-1) +24 GD (prev #7)
6- Capitalizt SLANI (7-0-1) +22 GD (prev #6)
7- Ad'ihan (6-1-1) +13 GD (prev #8)
8- Sel Appa (7-1-0) +19 GD (prev #5)
9- Bettia (6-0-2) +30 GD (Unranked)
10- Cafundéu (6-1-1) +22 GD (prev #10)
Dropped Out:
Bostopia (5-1-2) was #9

BOTTOM 6:
#6- Vanek Drury Brieres 1-0-7 -16GD
#5- Rangpur 0-1-7 -21GD
#4- Thundercliffe 0-0-8 -14GD
#3- Bergelland 0-0-8 -19GD
#2- Randovium 0-0-8 -21GD
#1- Pinguinum 0-0-8 -25GD

Waiting list:
Bumiroar, East Lithuania, Mallatarsland, Hopeless SC, Limbrogidlia, Tuaim

Vephrall

28-11-2007, 06:54

Gaicass Neencrycks thought he understood his captain's logic. The Vephrall national team was possibly in need of a new manager, and there was no sense in shutting out potentially good candidates from abroad. And it could very well be argued that there could be no better candidate than a man who won a World Cup and played for one of the longest-running and most successful football dynasties in history. Nevertheless, there was some nagging doubt in Neencrycks' mind as he perused the VFR file on Parker Law. Was a Bedistani really the right person to try to bring about success in the modern football world? A lot of things had changed in the last thirty years. For instance, the very idea of defense was apparently an antiquated relic now. Neencrycks could no longer even count how many times he'd seen 6-1, 7-1, 8-1 scorelines in the World Cup qualifying results section of the newspaper. Hell, he even saw a 7-4 recently.

"Then again," he thought to himself, "it was Bedistan that got that infamous 8-7 win in the World Cup 21 quarterfinal. They played energetic football back when it wasn't cool, back in the days of Karela." Granted, that was a good six years or so before Law was even born, but it was still a positive.

Of course, now the question was how to find him. It was known that he lived in Hendersonburg when the Bedistani government fell, but after that it was anyone's guess. Perhaps someone with a knowledge of late Bedistani history could help. Neencrycks picked up the phone.

"Hello, Operator? Can you get me the number for the history department at Sumbobor State University, please?"

Jeru FC

28-11-2007, 07:28

Abrams Tunk was talking to his son Hose on the phone

Hose: Hey Dad, how are the army boys going?
Abrams: We're 5th out of our group which isn't bad but were miles behind the top 4 teams.
Hose: Better than being last.
Abrams: They are a lot better than some teams out there, but they aren't the best around either.

Hose: You think they need girls in the team?
Abrams: Yes they do, these guys need girls to keep them motivated.
Hose: Well, Jeruselem has all nice girls!
Abrams: Yes, those three bikes and then you married one of their relatives.

Hose: Say, didn't Jeru FC once have a female team which beat the Jeruselem female team?
Abrams: Yes, but they are all army mothers now and too old anyway.
Hose: So it is going happen?
Abrams: The army isn't too keen on female footballers in Jeru FC for some reason.

Hose: They seem keen on Dazza Dallas ...
Abrams: I don't know, either I'll be stuck with this lot or get some girls in here for a change.
Hose: Maybe they think the army girls will become Mum like ... you know.
Abrams: That? Makes no difference. Army girls will have kids, it's just the public perception of them in a football team.

Hose: I heard a new stadium is going to be built.
Abrams: It's a new old one, the old one is going. We've relocated our training to a local school.
Hose: Any better?
Abrams: No mines to dodge but ...

Hose: Yeah?
Abrams: It's a girls school ...
Hose: Catholic?
Abrams: Yes, think about it - Catholic girls ... who worship ...

Hose: Oh yes! That could be distracting.
Abrams: It is for the boys.
Hose: So, how do you get to concentrate?
Abrams: Them horse blinkers

St Samuel

28-11-2007, 10:36

St Samuel Hail Ariddian Manager

Caretaker manager, Yves al Jahdali won his first game as caretaker manager for St Samuel, ending a 3 game streak of defeats. The Ariddian manager faced Bumiroar and nothing else but a win would do. And the Latin Crusaders did the first foreign manager of St Samuel proud, beating Bumiroar four nil.

Al Jahdali bought in midfielders Edgar Lovintino and Salvatore Rock and went with a 3-5-2 formation and things got off to a fantastic start with 19 year old Sebastien Atalanta scoring early on in the 8th minute. St Samuel scored again before half time, with Leo Sensini making it two nil.

Salvatore Rock made it three nil with a wonderful effort which saw the youngster strike a perfect volley from 25 yards out, leaving the Bumiroar keeper no chance. And Salvatore Rock finished the game off on the 74th minute with a mazy solo run which saw the midfielder take on three defenders and then round the keeper to make it 4-0.

The victory will be an important morale booster for the Latin Crusaders who currently sit at sixth in Group 4. The St Samuel Football Association are yet to announce the replacement of sacked manager Georgi Monte-Cristiano and many are calling for Yves al Jahdali to be confirmed as the new manager.

The Archregimancy

28-11-2007, 13:33

THE MONASTIC TIMES

CATASTROPHIC LOSSLESS RUN COMES TO AN END
Second Welcome Bettian Thrashing Sends Archregimancy to Fourth

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

The Archregimancy's catastrophic run of six matches without defeat - including several wholly unwelcome victories - came to an end in glorious fashion overnight as the squad crashed to a magnificent 5-1 defeat at the hands of Bettian children. The result finally sends the team out of the top three qualifying spots on goal difference, though they remain dangerously well-placed to qualify despite their best lack of effort.

"Praise be to God! That was a bit more like it!" said a senior archimandrite, speaking on condition of anonymity. "As abjured by our Lord and Saviour, truly we suffered the little children to come unto us - and score five. There's nothing more soul-invigorating than getting thrashed at the hands of small children, blessed innocents that they are."

Sources close to the team have theorised that the Bettian squad are too innocent and immature to be embarassed at running rings around cripples - whereas more mature teams often find their conscience troubled by playing lame, unfit, insane, blind and drunken opposition.

"They'll just have to get over it" said team goalkeeper Fr. George the Blind. "If it doesn't bother us, it shouldn't bother them. We expect - nay demand - that other teams treat us with the total lack of respect we've come to deserve, unworthy worms of monk-wretches that we are."

In other news, Monastic Football Association officials refused to comment on reports that alcoholic Archregimancy forward Fr. Demetrius the Drunkard had become a popular cartoon figure in Ariddia. "What he doesn't know can't hurt him" said one official (anonymously, of course). Fr. Demetrius was also unavailable for comment, and was said to be 'resting' following his dramatic collapse from a surfeit of schnapps in the 65th minute of the Bettia match.

Candelaria And Marquez

28-11-2007, 13:40

The Albrecht Herald/Sport
No laughing matter as Ha condemns Blues to worst winless run
By Tracker Edwards

It began in bunting. It ended in, well, bunting; but of a considerably droopier variety. Twenty-four hours ago the city of Arrigo was buzzing, its denizens all ready to pile into the Estadio Arrigo Nacional to see their shiny new stadium host the first competitive C&M international on home turf to be played outside Albrecht in the modern era. The Viejo was rocking – not literally obviously, that wouldn’t go down well in the country’s largest standing area – and exchanging bullish but friendly chants with the SLANI fans seated just next door. Any fears that the presence of an athletics track would spoil the traditional atmosphere of the old Estadio Calle de Vitorero had long since been dispelled by Arrigo Portuguese’s boisterous arrival in the CMSC months ago. The EAN was built, after all, for pretty much this very purpose of hosting internationals outside of the capital. Now, Arrigo was out for a party.

The fact that, moments before kick-off, thick fog wandered in out of the harbour and surrounded the inner city was barely noticed at first. For the 40,000 inside the stadium, this was about much more than watching a football match. Perhaps the C&M players sensed that, perhaps – and this is rather more likely the case – they were simply second best to one of the best sides in the world. Either way, the combination of the early weather and early scoreline ensured that this would not prove a memorable way to open a new chapter of C&M’s young international history.

Since C&M secured a famous victory against the Capitalizts in Otário, the SLANI have been on quite a role. Their early rustiness has given way to ruthlessness, and in Arrigo Randall Thacker’s men were all too willing to punish the Big Blues for their insolence at the start of the campaign. Ironically, it was Mark Baker who had opted to change the formation since that first game; dropping the horribly unlucky Matteo Corradini from the midfield in favour of the reliable presence of Yasser Zaghloul in a 4-4-2. The visitors’ traditional 3-3-4 was retained from that defeat and was in C&M’s face from the start. Gone were the mechanical, by-the-numbers tactics of Otário. Here, the SLANI were fast and fluid; their players showing an almost telepathic awareness of each others’ movements.

Where C&M were skittish the few times they got the ball, the Capitalizts were utterly confident and though many of the fans in the stadium – and certainly those up in the highest reaches – struggled to make head nor tail of it; it was no surprise to anyone when the away side took the lead. The move meandered up the right, Cord Tserkesidis marching through first Doug Szczechowicz’ then Jos Cornelisse’s challenges and playing the ball into the path of Włodzimirz Tokay. The midfielder dinked it into the goalmouth and the four strikers scrambled towards it like romanticised piranhas, Davido Agiaro initially hitting the post before the ball found its merry way to Brent Elliot who knocked it past Oberon Martinez.

The floodgates had opened and C&M had no answer. The noise of the travelling fans began to become audible over that of the Arrigano, and the SLANI trod on forwards. They soon scored again and this time it was a screamer; Tokay playing the ball into the box, Skalkṓtas nodding on and Agiaro more than atoning for his earlier error with a thumping shot. Through Ha Çūn-gīn and Agiaro the SLANI had further opportunities in the first half but failed to add garnish to the score by taking them.

C&M went out in the second half with an identical team, seemingly satisfied to accept further humiliation, but it was not to be. Mark Baker had evidently put some renewed steal up his players at half-time, so to speak, and initially at least they looked a different side. They were soon back in it with a well-worked goal, Ignacio Vélez passing back to O’Sullivan Caras on the wing who produced a fine pass into the midfield. José Felipe Cassumba Domingos’ reactions proved quicker than Tokay’s; the youngster driving viciously past Friedel Kuban-Schnellfrieder.

For a time it seemed that C&M were in the ascendancy, Vélez forcing the SLANI ‘keeper into a save soon after. But their possession failed to hit home and the Capitalizts soon got their heads back together. Still, it was tense stuff with neither side able to find a breakthrough until the seventy-ninth minute when Elliott found Alejandro Bolúfero who produced a neat through-ball to the striker Ha. Sam Young and Benji Fu in the centre of the C&M defence were all at sea and Ha simply manoeuvred between them and tucked a shot in off the crossbar.

Dispirited by the weather and the scoreline, the local fans were filtering out of the Estadio Nacional long before the decidely young-looking Bettian referee blew the final whistle. They, and the viewers at home, and the rest of us, were all too aware of a simple fact. That for all the positives that could be taken from this match and the qualifying campaign thus far; C&M have now garnered two points in their last four games. The worst run in their modest history so far.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Candelaria And Marquez.png Candelaria And Marquez 1
Cassumba Domingos 52

http://i176.photobucket.com/albums/w175/candelariaandmarquez/slani.png Capitalizt SLANI 3
Elliot 10, Agiaro 22, Ha 79

___________________________________

“No, no… No, Mr. Melbardis. No, why would they be robots, Mr. Melbardis. Igor. May I call you Igor? Look, Igor, Iggy. Why would the capitalizts have the need to employ robots, Igor, even if such a thing was possible? Which clearly it isn’t. They’re on of the best football teams in the world, a superb pedigree. Their history speaks for itself, they’d hardly go to all the trouble of creating twenty-something automatons that are, what, a hundred times better at playing football than anything we’ve seen previously. Would they? Hm? Yeah, look, I expect they were just fancy contact lenses. Very wealth country, yer Commerce Heights. Proper opulent, among the rich at any rate. I’m sure they… Hm? No. Well, yeah, look, possibly they’re high-tech and opulant and wealthy enough to afford football-playing androids, yes, but I can assure you WE WEREN’T PLAYING ANY TODAY. Igor. Really. Frankly, I’m surprised you could see anything in that fog… Hm? Oh, well. You can’t trust anything you’ve read on the internet, Igor. No. No, my thoughts exactly. No, I’m glad you brought it to my attention. Yeah. Well, have a nice… Yeah, and you, and you… Okay. ‘Bye then.”

Lyndon Hernández, chair of the all-party parliamentary group on Rushmori agricultural subsidies, Minister for Rational Thought and, on this occasion, head of the Department for Dealing with Lunatics at the Home Office, groaned as he clunked the phone down.

It twas, he mused, ever thus. The visit of the mice had, much to his own private incredulity and amusement, passed off with nary a hitch. But bring over a group of androids impossible to differentiate from ordinary humans, and you get the Igor Melbardises of this world bombarding the Home Office with concerned calls. Personally, Hernández couldn’t entirely see the point of keeping the whole robot thing quiet – it just made these people ask even more questions. But he knew his orders.

Someone had to deal with them though, and that person might of well have been him as anyone else. Actually, he rather enjoyed it. It helped that they were, to a man (they were never women) gullible fools who would swallow basically everything you told them with a bit of poking and a reasonable tone of voice. The bulk of the country was simply too bright, sensible, well-rounded and well-educated to believe even for a second in the existence of gnomes, elves, super-intelligent mice, football-playing robots, monks, giant Greek letters and all the rest. It took a special type of mind to question received wisdom about that sort of stuff. And Lyndon Hernández ate those sorts of minds for breakfast.

He fiddled with the bangle on his desk, wondering vaguely once more who Meghan was. He was, much to his own horror, feeling mildly pissed off. He’d no interest in the so-called beautiful game before he was offered this job, and even less in the fortunes of bloody Baker and his bloody Big Blues, but… He’d found himself hopping on one leg and making ‘ooh-ooh-ooh’ noises throughout much of the second half of the game as C&M pressed for the equaliser. He was actually disappointed when Ho-ho, it whatever his – its – name was scored. He felt like he was finally succumbing to some deadly lurgy that had already infected most of the republic, and he didn’t like it.

The phone rang again. His mobile this time, which ruled out Melbardis again or any of the rest of his merry band of nutters.

“Hello. Hernández speaking… Althinn! Long time no speak, yeah. You’re well? And the other Mr. Grimbeard? How’s civil ceremonied life treating you kooky kids? Good, I… Hm? Really? Again? Alright, no, I wish you’d told me sooner but… No, sure, sure. Alright. We’ll get it sorted. Alright. Yeah, you too…”

***

Not long after, though possibly in no way connected to the above, a scream and a leaden thump was heard by a few late evening doggers and dog-walkers in the Songstress district of downtown Albrecht.

This may or may not matter.

Northern Bettia

28-11-2007, 15:53

OOC: Disclaimer - Please note that being Northern Bettian, this news report is written from a highly biased point of view, and therefore not all facts stated may strictly be accurate.

The Anyuna Observer: I can has cheezburger?
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y231/bettia/nbet-badge.gif
We Are Fire Ants - Hear Us Roar!

Northern Bettia.......................2 (Koalla 41, Kemys 68)
Bergelland.................................0

Northern Bettia continued their magnificent campaign towards World Cup glory, crushing yet another of the puny teams who dare to stand in their path. Roared on by a passionate capacity crowd at Anyuna Park, the Fire Ants emerged triumphantic against an ill-disciplined team from Bergelland.

The Northern Bettian fans, who were as well-behaved as usual, gave their team a most uplifting welcome as they walked onto the pitch, and likewise showed great respect and dignity during the Bergelland national anthem, whistling along happily and loudly to liven up what was otherwise a rather dull tune. Being the good sports that they are, they welcomed the visiting goalkeeper as he made his way towards the goal in front of the main bank of terracing in the traditional manner of throwing flares, coins and bottles in his direction. Through a basic ignorance of Northern Bettian customs, he was hesitant to stay in the goal and complained to the referee, who inexplicably delayed the game while a couple of stewards cleared the pitch and a contingent of policeman took up positions along the length of that end.

As the game started, it was evident that the away team's ploy was to go to ground at the merest hint of bodily contact. Sitara and Kemys were both early entries into the referee's notebook as they were unfairly punished for firm but fair challenges to the back of their opponents knees. This playacting carried on to such an extent that Sitara's supposed victim stayed down for a good five minutes before being pathetically stretchered off and replaced with a substitute.

Having weathered this early displayed of unsportsmanlike behaviour, the Fire Ants started to exert a bit of pressure. Naru Sonata came agoisingly close to scoring from twenty yards, while Dan Shinobu had a perfectly good goal disallowed for a healty shove on the keeper.

Despite the antics of the dismally poor referee, Northern Bettia were awarded a freekick just outside the penalty area for handball. After protestations from the defenders saying that Owen Yamada had in fact grabbed his opponent by the arm and pushed it into the path of the ball, the set piece was finally allowed to be taken, and Stu Koalla made no mistake blasting the ball straight through the wall to make it one-nil to the Gogs.

The start of the second half saw Northern Bettia at a major disadvantage thanks to yet another howler from the referee. Chasing a ball heading for the corner behind the Northern Bettia goal, Bobby Sitara attempted to shield it from his opponent and usher it out for a goal kick. However, the cheating scum then proceeded to tug wildly at his shirt (although TV replays are inconclusive). As Sitara struggled to free himself from this unfair display of manhandling, the Bergelland player collapsed to the floor holding his ribs and claiming he had been elbowed. After a brief consultation with his linesman, Sitara was sent off, leaving Northern Bettia with just ten men.

Despite this setback, Northern Bettia showed their unbelievable class and continued to dominate the 38% of the time that the away team weren't on top. This class, skill and sheer bravery against all odds saw the Fire Ants double their lead midway through the second half. A long throw from Pete Waters in the Northern Bettian goal unleashed the speedy Glyn Agadugo on the right wing, who blitzed all before him before seeing his cross blocked by his marker. From the resulting corner, the tall frame of Ryan Kemys rose taller than the rest to nod the ball home.

The last twenty minutes saw a marvellous display of passing football as Northern Bettia retained possession for many minutes at a time, the back four in particular looking especially comfortable passing the ball between themselves, back and forth, back and forth, much to the consternation of the Bergelland players who were desperately trying to find a way back into the game. But it was not to be, and Northern Bettia's skill, guile and guts saw them through to claim another three points.

The Fire Ants now face three tough away games on the trot, starting with Oliverry. As always, many thousands (perhaps even millions) of Northern Bettians will be prepared to make the journey to roar their team on, but as seems to be the norm, the government of the opposing team will take the coward's way out and ban the mighty (and thoroughly innocent) Yuna Crew from setting foot upon their shores.

For shame, world. For shame.

Fixtures / Results

MD..OPPONENT...............VENUE.....RESULT

Qualifying Group 4

01: Bergelland.............Away......W 3-1
02: Oliverry...............HOME......W 3-2
03: The Pazhujeb Islands...HOME......W 3-1
04: Sorthern Northland.....HOME......L 2-3
05: Demot..................Away......L 0-3
06: St Samuel..............Away......W 2-1
07: Bumiroar...............Away......W 4-1
08: Bergelland.............HOME......W 2-0
09: Oliverry...............Away......
10: The Pazhujeb Islands...Away......
11: Sorthern Northland.....Away......
12: Demot..................HOME......
13: St Samuel..............HOME......
14: Bumiroar...............HOME......

Tynelia

28-11-2007, 16:24

Obituary- Michael Daniel McPhee age 68

Michael Daniel McPhee passed away in his home at 4:32PM Monday afternoon surrounded by his religious brethren. McPhee was a childhood soccer prodigy before turning his back on the sport after personal tragedy. A then long time hater of the sport, he was part of various sporting related programs as an expert commentator, most notably the program “Sports Chat”, which he was a part of for four years. Other than his hatred for soccer McPhee was considered well versed in his field.

Eventually, McPhee’s hatred for the sport led him to launch- after being fired from that job, via his radio program ‘The Voice of Truth’ a political career which culminated with a presidential run nearly twenty years ago. Running on an anti-soccer theme, he garnered surprising support from a populace which had failed in six straight efforts since their introduction to international play. He was considered a significant part of the seven candidate field despite limited funding and at one point peaked with 16% of the vote and third place in one set of pre-election polls. However, to his bad luck, Tynelia chose that Cup to actually win their group and make its first ever World Cup proper. The resulting turnaround of support crippled McPhee’s main campaign theme and he dropped to just over 10% of the vote, most of his support in rural areas, on election day for a still respectable third place, with thoughts of what might had been had the Tynelia team failed again.

McPhee continued on his WTRU program for another eight years before he finally left the air. A second brief foray for another presidential run six years after his first try fell apart before it could really begin as a second qualification ruined his main platform. He next appeared in the public eye five years ago this time as a convert to the New Othydoxic Christian Church of Reborn Othydoxy which was based in large part to its support of soccer. Despite much ridicule in and out of the country the NOCCRO grew at a rapid pace and McPhee’s presence was said to be responsible for a great deal of its success. He rose to the unofficial second in command role in the church before his passing where he was surrounded by his religious brethren. There is some talk within the NOCCRO of making him their first saint.

He is survived by a nephew Alex and niece Donna.

<elsewhere>

“MY brothers, a sad day is here now that Brother Michael is in the land of the Penalty Kicks. But now we must ask ourselves. What is fitting? How can we honor what this great man has done for the Othydoxic Christian Church of Reborn Othydoxy? That is why I bought you all here for the first SMC. That we can do what those false religions do to honor their great people.” Brother James addressed the other monks, hoods drawn up over their heads in mourning.

“SMC Brother James?” one older monk asked his leader.

“The Saint Making Ceremony, Brother Harold. Other religions do this to honor their great people and while they have no clue about the real truths in the world sometimes even the infidel can have a good idea.” Brother James explained.

The rest of the monks murmured amongst themselves while nodding at the wisdom Brother James has again shown.

“Now from my studies I believe these ceremonies go as follows. My brothers, all of you the oldest and wisest members of the New Othydoxic Christian Church of Reborn Othydoxy. Do you believe as I do that Brother Michael’s time among us, indeed the very events which brought him to our doors that day so many, yet so few years ago, is the sign of a great and noble man. One who must be honored for all time that future Othydoxians may know and revere his name as he sits at the side of the Lord of Scores? Let any who disagree speak now.”

<silence>

“Then let it be known that from this day forward, Brother Michael shall no more be listed in the works of our order. Let it be that he shall now be known as Saint Michael. A name surely borne by no other among the false saints of the misguided, so that he stands alone, as a beacon for which me must all strive for from this day forward.” Brother James concluded.

“Amen.” Replied the other monks.

Adihan

28-11-2007, 16:51

Luke Evans was a happy man. His team was top of the group, somehow, and had had an amazing run of form, beating Bettia away from home along the way. He settled into his chair, and opened up his email. 'Davey Thomson' jumped out at him in the 'From' column. He sighed, and clicked it, immediately thinking he'd made the biggest error ever.

"You've avoided me long enough, Luke, surely you have to give me an interview sooner or later. Contact me." It was short and simple. Evans considered it. His job looked to be safe now - it would take a massive collapse by the team for him to not have his contract renewed. But talking to a journo whom he didn't exactly have the best of relations with could be deadly.

He rubbed his forehead and grabbed a coffee. And he picked up his phone.

"Okay, you want one, you got one. Fire."

"Let's start with the nepotism complaints then, Luke."

"Davey, we've covered this before. Phil has shown he's a good player, he now has three goals, and that's very good from a midfielder. I have no qualms about including Phil in my team."

"Quite a run you're on then. Have you spoken to your seniors regarding your future?"

"I'm quite comfortable with my future, thank you for asking. I can see myself being manager for most of the forseeable future. We've built a solid team - even though three-quarters the team are new this cup we're still doing solidly."

With disappointment at not being able to get any good stuff out of Evans showing in his tone of voice, Thomson decided to wrap things up. "Final question for now then, Luke. Conditions in Ad'ihan? Playable? You've criticised Grovers Park in the past."

"No, it doesn't look like we'll be going back to Protectorate Stadium this campaign, unfortunately. I do dislike playing at Grovers Park, mostly because it's not really a home support there. We don't have much of a choice, though the AFF has managed to get two of our games switched to CCL."

Scorers so far (competitive games only):
McDonald 4
Argent, Miller, Stall 3
Brennan-Evans, Fisher 2
D'Abbo, Dustin, Fowler, Mills 1

FR01………KURA-PELLAND…………………AWAY...ROFLCOPTRE DOME………W 3-1
MD01………VIKINGHOLM………………………PROTECTORATE STADIUM……………W 4-0
MD02………CASARI…………………………………AWAY………………………………………………………W 1-0
MD03………SQUORNSHELOUS………………GROVERS PARK, OREAN………………L 1-2
FR02………YAFOR 2………………………………AWAY………………………………………………………D 2-2
MD04………BETTIA…………………………………AWAY………………………………………………………W 2-1
MD05………SPAAM……………………………………AWAY………………………………………………………W 5-2
MD06………THE ARCHREGIMANCY……GROVERS PARK, OREAN………………D 2-2
MD07………TUAIM……………………………………AWAY………………………………………………………W 4-0
MD08………VIKINGHOLM………………………AWAY………………………………………………………W 3-2
MD09………CASARI…………………………………GROVERS PARK, OREAN
FR03………TBD
MD10………SQUORNSHELOUS………………AWAY
MD11………BETTIA…………………………………GROVERS PARK, OREAN*
MD12………SPAAM……………………………………COLONIAL STADIUM, CCL*
MD13………THE ARCHREGIMANCY……AWAY
MD14………TUAIM……………………………………COLONIAL STADIUM, CCL*
FR04………TBD

*TENTATIVE VENUE

Alasdair I Frosticus

28-11-2007, 18:08

Imperial Studios

In conjunction with

Imperial Films

Bring you an Imperial production of

A Steven Spielbergo film

WELSH NINJA VII - THE REVENGE

Someone has to pay the price....

Starring:

Riccardo Burtones as the Ancient Welsh Ninja Lord

Anthony Hopcinso as Maredudd ap Dafydd ap Llewellyn ap Hywel ap Hywel ap Hywel ap Fred

With

Catarina Zeta Joneses as Catherine Zeta Jones

In a world where they faced one team they couldn't beat...

where Zwangzug had once ran riot....

where revenge was a dish best served with cold leeks.....

New Morissia would pay the ultimate price....

And lose 3-0 to the ultimate squad of Welsh ninjas

Az-cz

28-11-2007, 18:22

Amda-Mo: Another nice win. While Vanek Drury Brieres clearly isn't a strong win a 6-1 win is a 6-1 win.

Lur-Mn: It sure is.

Amda-Mo: So what are the talking points from the game?

Lur-Mn: Not really sure. The game played out like most of our others. Seoula and El-Iot drive the attack, Youn Ji-Hyun fills in from the bench and the rest of the team lies in support.

Amda-Mo: Let's talk about Youn Ji-Hyun for a moment. She's the #3 scorer on the team despite coming off the bench. Why do you think she hasn't earned a starting spot?

Lur-Mn: Why would you mess with what's working beautifully? She comes into every game fresh and provides a different look to the attacking midfield. She might not be as effective if she was playing from the start every match. Just because she's a great player doesn't mean that she has to start.

Amda-Mo: Do you think she'll be a starter next cup?

Lur-Mn: Dunno. I'm not looking at next cup yet. We're in the middle of a title defence. There's no time to look ahead.

Amda-Mo: Ok. Times a bit short tonight as the kleptodance semfinals are on after this so lets move ahead to the look at the other groups.

Lur-Mn: Definitely the biggest suprise is Sorthern Northland leading their group. While Demot and Oliverry have played each other so they've got an easier run to the finish it's still impressive that they've improved as much as they have. The last time we played them we crushed them both games, but they look much better now.

Amda-Mo: Ok. Let's get to the top six.

Lur-Mn: Ok. The top six is chalked full of big names.

6. Commerce Heights

After losing to Candelaria and Marquez in the opener they've reeled off seven straight wins, getting their revenge in the process. Perhaps they needed that stunner to set them straight but they're rolling now.

5. Sel Appa

When the least respected team in the group is coming off a third place finish you know the top teams are taking care of business. The Turtles finally fell from the ranks of the perfect teams, but one draw with Daehanjeiguk shouldn't derail them.

4. Az-cz

That blemish against Turori is really all that's keeping us off the very top of the list. But no one is too concerned about that what with the way the team has absolutely responded to coach Rahim and the team's fine play. It's debatable whether or not we've ever seen a run of form this good from the squad.

3. Errinundera

Errinundera is the least of the perfect record teams, dominating what is looking to be a fairly easy group. But that doesn't mean they're not playing well. They certainly are. It just means that one and two are playing better.

2. Elves Security Forces

The Elves have moved well away from a tough group with both Bazalonia and Quakmybush six points off. Not the most impressive goal differential on this list as they've struggled a bit of late, they're setting themselves up for a strong chance to keep at least their run of quarterfinals together.

1. Ariddia

Assuming the alternating current theory of Ariddian football the Rouge Et Noirs are due to win again this cup. And their qualifying play certainly supports that. They're absolutely annihilating their opponents. 39 goals to only five agianst for a +34 goal differential. In otherwords more than halfway through qualifiers their average margin of victory is more than four goals. Just ridiculous. This should be a great cup as the best teams are looking absolutely brilliant.

Amda-Mo: Indeed. This could be our best team ever and still have a tough time making it much further than the quarters.

Lur-Mn: Indeed. There seems to be a huge difference between the top and the rest this cup.

Amda-Mo: Well we'll get you off to the kleptodance now. Good night everyone.

Daehanjeiguk

28-11-2007, 19:26

Qualification Tour:
Group 3
MD1 - Daehanjeiguk(53) 1-3 (9)Sel Appa (@ Hangyeong)
MD2 - Alversia(153) 2-3 (53)Daehanjeiguk
MD3 - Daehanjeiguk(53) 2-2 (33)Dance 2 Revolution (@ Hanseong)
FR1 - Daehanjeiguk 1-1 Jeruselem (@ Hangyeong)
FR2 - Sorthern Northland 6-0 Daehanjeiguk
MD4 - Mallatarsland(157) 1-6 (53)Daehanjeiguk
MD5 - Geisenfried(42) 2-3 (53)Daehanjeiguk
MD6 - Daehanjeiguk(53) 2-4 (18)Tynelia (@ Malnira)
MD7 - Hopeless SC(114) 0-2 (53)Daehanjeiguk
MD8 - Sel Appa(9) 1-1 (53)Daehanjeiguk (@ Nemnenait)
MD9 - Daehanjeiguk(53) --- (153)Alversia (@ Sanghae)
MD10 - Dance 2 Revolution(33) --- (53)Daehanjeiguk
MD11 - Daehanjeiguk(53) --- (157)Mallatarsland (@ Gwangdong)
MD12 - Daehanjeiguk(53) --- (42)Geisenfried (@ Pyeongyang)
MD13 - Tynelia(18) --- (53)Daehanjeiguk
MD14 - Daehanjeiguk(53) --- (114)Hopeless SC (@ Hangyeong)

After the game:

It was an impressive match in Nemnenait, and despite losing the first time around at home, the Imperial Team managed to strike early and hold on firm to the end. With this done, the Imperial Team's prospects of qualify improved, staying in third position, a whole 3 points ahead of Geisenfried, and a whopping 5 points ahead of Alversia - the next opponent. But this match would be at home; and it was indeed at home where Choe was awaiting the next match.

The papers were all over it:

Silently But Deadly Strike Hits Hopeless People

Rock Solid Draw In Turtles Home

Sub-Prime Mortgage Industry In Boom - Buy Buy Buy!

But Choe was left in an uneasy feeling today. The return trip from Nemnenait was quiet - a little too quiet. No passing gas though.

Seeing that it was too boring to do nothing, Choe started to write to his friends: "Hey! What's up?"

He got an awkward reply back - "Bug Hit Man Know For Gift Red River Cow Meat. You Are Not?"

"Dude, what are you saying?"

He got an even more awkward reply - "Eye Door Japan Fly Water Lightning Strike People Fast Color Old Horse Walk To Me Kill Fly Man. You Are Not? Hey Hit Bug Value Map Cheap Bag Woman Shower Pleasure Want Love Gift Man Pot Cook Rest Leave Red Hot Wood Burn Fast Color Ball Dog Say Sun Top Gopher Tree."

With no sense coming out of anything, Choe stopped talking altogether. Sang came out of the shower completely unclothed and began to rummage around Choe's apartment. Choe didn't like watching Sang walk around, but as he was his guardian, he said nothing of the sort. At this point, he had nearly forgotten why Sang was there in the first place - the bets and all. Little did he realize that once this was over, there would be much more pain.

http://www.maria-brazil.org/blog/uploaded_images/Nibbles-745332.jpg

Choe yelled in shock, "Whoa! What on earth is that?"

Sang came back out, still unclothed. Choe, tolerating little of it, then said, "Could you at least get some pants?"

"Oh, that is my pants."

Choe did a double-take on the bunny and Sang. "You wear a bunny?"

"Well, it becomes my pants when I want to be my pants. At other times, it's a giant bunny."

"Please put on your pants... because I don't like bunnies and you're getting pretty disturbing."

"I think you and I need to take a walk, Choe."

Choe shook his head - "Not while you're naked. Please, just get something, anything on. I don't care if it's your bunny, or whatever."

Sang then approached Choe, still sitting on his chair and shrouding his face from Sang's body. All of the sudden, Sang sat on Choe's lap and began to suck his finger. Choe opened his eyes in absolute horror. "GET OFF ME YOU %$#^@*!"

Sang leaped off, and landed on the ground in the lotus position. He then said to Choe - "Would it make any difference if I were clothed? Indeed, it would. But I say this only because you have a secret lust for clothes. Why else would you be so adamant about your clothes? Man has been long infatuated with clothes that he will do many things for it. He will wash his clothes in a machine designed specifically to wash them, but when given the option to wash the clothes with him in a shower or in the rain, man will cower and hide, preferring to be naked so the excellence of his clothes will not be ruined. So too, when a man is dirty, he will seek to have clean clothes upon him, because the other was too dirty to be magnificent, even if he is still dirty. You have clothed for specialized activities, so that you may sustain them in those activities. You have clothes that are designed to entice the opposite number; you have clothes that are designed to demonstrate your wealth; you have clothes that are designed to make you feel a certain way. But in the end, man is still a slave to his clothes.

"I am free, because I have no preference for clothes, and I choose freely whether to entertain wearing them. But you, you secretly desire them - in fact, you would much prefer to have sex with your shirt than a fine woman."

"Eww! I can't believe you're saying that!"

"That is the truth, is it not?"

"Absolutely not!"

At that instant, Choe's pants began to light on fire, and suddenly Choe found his shirt was choking on his neck. Sang laughed, saying, "It seems that the Red-necks Of Attire Repossession have possessed your clothes, and the only certain freedom is if you remove them all from your body. But you - the one who cherishes his clothes so much must suffer their pain while you languish at the thought of being separated from them."

Choe tried to reply, but the shirt was choking him so much that it wasn't worth his pain to try to break the shirt's grip and talk at the same time. He ran to the kitchen where he got a knife to cut the top, but once he got there, the shirt sleeves took control of his arms and he began to flail around. Sang entered the kitchen and removed the clothes from Choe's body forcefully. "Gah! Why'd you do that?"

"Would you prefer to be strangled by your own clothes? The objects of your sole and true affection?"

Sang then turned around, and there was a whole host of clothes that had emerged. He was indeed a little surprised. "It seems that the Red-necks of Attire Repossession have found your weakness and intend to make your doom."

"But I can't go out anywhere like this."

"Why? Because you miss your clothes? Because you can't stand being apart from your clothes? Free yourself! You must become independent of them!"

Choe shook his head. "The reason why I wear clothes is because the nude human body is disgusting to look at, especially in public!"

"So? My body is pretty the way it is now. Why should putting on clothes make it any different?"

Choe sighed as he finally relented in it. As he was about to speak, the clothes began to attack and brought Choe to the ground as each individual article began to strangle, punch, or burn Choe. All of his clothes were lit on fire, but Sang knew how to free the clothes from possession, and began to chant the holy words of exorcism:
"Erom yna nihcraes eb tnow ew
Ssenkrad eht epacse llew dna
Worromot yb ereht eb llew wonk i
Erohs eht ot resolc gnivom erew
Retfa gninrom a eb ot tog sereht."

Immediately, the ground opened up and all of the assaulting clothes were thrown into the pit of fire. Choe was left lying on the kitchen floor, wondering why Hell was coming to him. Sang leaves him alone for the while, remarking at last - "Consider this, at least your pants aren't burning on you."

Cafundeu

28-11-2007, 19:34

Ariddia

28-11-2007, 20:55

Former champs meet again

Visiting Starblaydia, the Rouge-et-Noirs pulled off an unambiguous 5-1 victory over the former greats, continuing their winning streak.

Si Ewe scored in the twenty-seventh minute, before Stefan Hinkonnen equalised eight minutes later. A goal by Abdel Mohamed of North-West Ariddia in the thirty-ninth minute put the Rouge-et-Noirs back in the lead by half-time.

After that, the outcome seemed increasingly certain. Three goals by Shahrour in the second half, and a splendid performance by Jarl Knudsen, enabled the Ariddians to leave Starblaydia with an additional three points. They are now one of only three teams –along with Elves Security Forces and Errinundera– to have won all their matches.

“I’m sure they’ll be formidable again very soon,” Ariddian captain Jeremy Isaacs said of Starblaydia, adding that visiting the country had been “interesting”.

“If we play against them again in four years, I don’t think anyone will be able to guess the outcome in advance.”

In related news, coach Jane Sanderson has said that she is “very pleased” to hear that former Rouge-et-Noirs defender Yves al-Jahdali is doing well as caretaker manager of St Samuel’s team. Mr. al-Jahdali is the only Ariddian currently coaching a foreign national team. The only Ariddian-born person to have played on a foreign national team is Fr. Innocent (for the Archregimancy). Several former Ariddian players, however, live abroad – including Ke Sho in Cafundéu, Tadjou Senaya in Rejistania, and Cassie Lee in Errinundera.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/starblaydia.png Starblaydia 1-5 Ariddian Isles http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/the_ariddian_isles.png

Zwangzug

28-11-2007, 22:21

"…Mcginty, isn't it? That's what we have here."

"Mcgimpy, actually."

"It says here-"

"Whose word are you going to take? It's my name!"

"I understand, sir, but-"

"You do not."

"Just give me the correct spelling-"

"Can I call you back? Vanderpent just scored."

"…simply ask that you submit your DNA for testing."

"Don't you have all that in some system somewhere?"

"No, that was voted down in Parliament."

"I'm not giving you my genome, that's mine."

"I, personally, wouldn't want it."

"Listen, Stings just scored, bit of a loud atmosphere in here. Try again later, maybe?"

"…with all due respect, sir, and I haven't found reason for there to be much, there's only one Doodlypants Mc-"

"If you can't get my name right the first time, why should I trust that it's correct now?"

"Our algorithms cross-referenced alternate spellings and transliterations. I can't speak fluent Bigtopian, but I'm fairly confident."

"I appreciate what you're doing, I really do. Only Barons just scored, see, and I've got to go congratulate him, right?"

"...just how long do these games last? You said we could talk when they weren't playing."

"Well, they're not at the moment-"

"So what's the delay?"

"It's halftime. I've got to give them some advice."

"They seem to be doing just fine without you."

"I'll make some substitutions, then."

"…if you won't voluntarily do so, we may have to resort to mandating your cooperation."

"Oh? And how exactly would you go about doing that?"

"Well, you see, our client would have to put in a formal request, and then the court would contact you."

"A formal request, I see. Some sort of subpoena?"

"Well, if you're going to be pedantic about it-"

"Say, Maini just scored. Somewhat hectic, sorry for the inconvenience."

"...you've got another goal to celebrate, I assume?"

"Not exactly."

"Don't let me keep you. Though I'd think the novelty would eventually wear off."

"It was Scotchpinestan's goal, actually. Joe Long scored it."

"Who's Scotchpinestan?"

"The opposing team."

"Stan, though, like a country?"

"It is a country."

"Wait, this is a national...football team?"

"Quite correct, sir."

"Last time I checked, the population of Zwangzug was over two billion. Are you saying that of those billions, you're the coach of the national team?"

"Precisely."

"...any recollection of your whereabouts at that time?"

"No, it's that fluid time problem again. Whenever it happened, I could have been a couple hundred years away either way."

"And exactly what cause do you have to be gallivanting through the space-time continuum?"

"Some of our away games have been a little...different."

"How so?"

"Why, Eddie Barnes just scored! He's a defensive midfielder, you know. This deserves my attention."

"...think it best for her emotional well-being."

"This really isn't the best time. Olson just scored a goal, you understand?"

"You've already used that excuse."

"Well, he's already scored in this game."

"You're not fooling anyone with this football charade, you know."

"What do you mean, "charade?"

"I mean it's not real."

"I'll put one of the players on the phone if you want proof."

"Just tell me the score."

"Seven-one."

"Look, even I know that football's a low-scoring game."

"Yeah, I thought so too."

Wentland

28-11-2007, 23:18

The Wentland girls were worried for a number of reasons. Foremost on their minds was the fate of Kita Oliver. She had made a number of enemies in the women's league, with a buzzbomb midfield style and a mouth almighty that ripped into many opponents, but none of them wanted to see her kidnapped. The only thing that was of comfort was that it was obviously some sort of political stunt, with no harm coming to Oliver.

Secondly was what would happen to the rest of them. They had proved themselves worthy of representing the royal blue. After a stuttering start they had provided Wentland with their biggest-ever international win ("well, what do you expect when the opposition field comestibles and mathematical symbols?" stated a nonplussed Hacker afterwards). They wanted to stay on. But surely the organizers would be forced to condone a wholesale squad replacement? Force majeure was an obvious concern. Were they safe?

Security had been beefed up and indeed had already proved its worth, with a secret camera in their dressing room having been discovered and smashed. "Just shows how in demand my tactical nous is," beamed Hacker to WTV in an interview, without noticing the ample talents of Katie Barnfield and Stacey Cadman being displayed in the background.

But how would Hacker approach the latest press conference? He had long been an advocate of scrapping the Blue Tits and replacing them with the Swifts. This was an obvious opportunity for him to do what he wanted. Play Lennie Newton and Oliver would be released. And Newton was a favourite player of Hacker's, despite his acrimonious departure from Hacker's Maitland to Petardos. Surely Hacker would let them down?

At the conference Hacker took the party line. No, we will not negotiate with terrorists. Yes, we're doing everything we can to find Oliver. No, we are not going to postpone our next match. Yes, we are concentrating on the football.

But the big question was whether Hacker would seek permission to play Newton.

Hacker paused. The Blue Tits held their breath.

Bostopia

29-11-2007, 00:51

Dearest Hikfie,
Sorry it's took me this long to reply, but Kelly's had us working really hard in training after Milchama thumped us 6 – 2! It was the first time we'd lost to them, now we're 2 wins, 1 draw and 1 loss. I can just about remember the other two games, I was 9 (nearly 10) at the time but everyone was so happy! I don't remember the famous 1 – 0 win over Bettia (I was 1, nearly 2!), when we played in black and white (even our logo!) to keep the Bettians happy. We played Jeruselem for the first time in World Cup 33 Qualifiers too, but we lost 1 – 0 both times. Those would have been in the prime of your mother's career! Wow!

Oh! Thanks thanks thanks for the picture! It's on my wall, along with the rest of the pictures of us!

Anyway, we play Wentland next. A LOT of stuff has been going on with those guys – sorry, girls, and it's getting crazy. One of their top players was kidnapped! The Government's said that if there are any leads in Bostopia about it, they'd pass on everything they got onto Wentland while conducting investigations.

And you know who we're playing after Wentland right? Yep! Jeruselem, at your place! It'll be great. After the match we could swap shirts! It's the nearest we'll get to a Bostopia -v- Jeruselem final. I'm not sure I'd still be playing if that happened, we're still not in the top 20. But still, one day it might!

Those Restoration of True Morality people had better watch out when we come over. Alan Sentor (the Prime Minister) said he was going to come over to show his support for both the team and the fight against the anti-Semites. Stu Flambriff's already said that if anyone tries anything, he's personally knock them out.

I've heard rumours that the F.A. is bringing out a new third kit if we qualify for the World Cup, apparently saying the current one is “abysmal”. All I know is that some Army guys have been running in and out of the F.A.'s Headquarters at Heartwick House shouting “JIMMY DO ONE, BRUV!” carrying boxes and stuff. They say they'll be in Jeruselem! Maybe I'll finally meet them. The boss-looking guy (late 50's, with a funny moustache) seems, well, crazy, but fit physically. Though they all seem a bit odd. I've heard a few stories about them. I'll tell you when I see you!

I better go get some sleep before the match tomorrow!

Love, your man between the sticks - Petty xxx

Vephrall

29-11-2007, 03:59

{MD9 RP cutoff}

Magnus Valerius

29-11-2007, 04:02

The Isangrad Times
Patriarch Denounces Cartoons as Blasphemy

After the Isangrad Times and Valerian Media, Inc. released some rather satirical cartoons of some Valerians famous in football, the head of the Valerian Orthodox Church, Patriarch Feodor III, denounced them as "utter nonsense and blasphemy". The Patriarch, who himself is featured in the satire, has also said that he does not pistol whip people when in the heat of the game nor does he has an addiction to tea. "I drink tea in moderation," he said. The gun was a reference to his occasional rowdy appearances at Valerian football games, including today when the Boyars were spanked (excuse the pun) by Kate Dallas and all of the other women playing on the Jeruselem Crusaders. He got quite frustrated and kicked a spectator in the shins. "These ungodly whores play... football?!" After muttering such obscenities, the patriarch began meditating in prayer to ask forgiveness from God.

"These cartoons are nothing big," commented Coach Ilyanich who was also depicted. "I love good beer, fine Cuban cigars, and, of course, poker - it's only the truth."

The patriarch is getting on in his years (he turned 89 two months ago), and it is often believed that he has began developing some 'geezer' disease like Alzheimer's. After all, he has lived through the reigns of Tsars Alexander I, Alexander II, Alexander III, and will be seeing the start of Ivan V's reign, making him one of the longest-serving patriarchs in Valerian history.

OOC: Crap! too late...

Jeruselem

29-11-2007, 04:42

http://img470.imageshack.us/img470/8564/jgnlogohe2.png

Evangelists want people understand the "terrorists"

A group of prominent Jeruselem evangelists (predominantly of Protestant and associated faith) spoke out today saying people misunderstood the Restoration of True Morality. They said the movement was not a purely anti-Semitic, anti-football and pro-Nazi group of terrorists as the government have been portraying in the media. They say the movement was merely aiming to push the traditional family values which have been eroding over time in Jeruselem.

Gerry Luthan, a prominent TV evangelist, said the movement was about restoring the good family values which used to exist and putting people back into the churches instead of watching football. He said the Catholic dominated government and the Jewish-funded media in Jeruselem were wrong about this movement. He complained about football being placed ahead of religion and money over family values, supported by the autocratic use of government troops like the new Imperial Stormtroopers. He emphasised the peaceful nation of the campaign overall despite some of violence so far. The group did not want to comment on Dinkie Dosha's death, the discover of neo-Nazis in the movement and the recent outbursts about Jewish control of Jeruselem.

Grand Chancellor Kevin Durr said nothing would change in government attitude to these people.

Recently, Internet servers sending anti-government email were shut down in Jeruselem. An organised operation had these servers installed underground in abandoned warehouses, but they were connected to the Internet via illegally wired connections. It wasn't simple operation with Imperial Stormtroopers needing explosives to blow away a door and requiring smoking out the IT people with smoke grenades who eventually had to give themselves up. In most cases, that was except for a few individuals who decide to fight back with firearms and these people were dispatched with no problems. Some of suspects rounded up had previous criminal records for fire bombing synagogues and being associated with older neo-Nazi groups although they denied this at first. A small weapons cache of illegally obtained weapons was found too, but no explosives as yet.

The movement seem to have stopped disrupting football games and open attacks on the Dallas Clan for the moment. The government thinks they may go for softer targets later as many have found out, Dazza girls are not ones hide and cry. Two man tried to throw Jacinta Dallas into a pool and drown her but he ended up in a big fight with Dazza Dallas and got thrown into the pool instead. His friend got beaten up by a Nun, who turned out to be the infamous Sister Moki who played for Jeruselem during a few World Cups.

Most non-evangelical religious groups and organisations want nothing to do with this group as they are weary of the fringe nature of the movement with unknown hidden agendas.

Recently the movement has been saying unpleasant things about Wentland for fielding an all-female team which is known to be as fun-loving as the Jeruselem girls. They had images of Hacker sitting around naked Wentland girls in tub, calling him a dirty old man.

All this hasn't affected our Jeruselem World Cup team much nor has it affected Jeru FC either. Group 6 is turning into a three horse race with the SLANI, Jeruselem and C&M leading the way. The much improved Boyars with a few wins under the belt, got a reality check after Jeruselem smashed them 8-1 at their home. Jeruselem's patchy away form is a worry with two draws and one loss but the loss was to the SLANI. At home, Dazza Dallas stadium is a strong as a Crusader Castle with our Princess leading the troops trampling invaders like today when they accounted for the Asian team Kiryu-shi. Jeruselem at home for the next two games too.

JGN's resident psychic has said Dinkie Dosha isn't totally dead either. She said she's living as a ghost in someone's basement with a large widescreen TV, watching JGN! Strange.

Qazox

29-11-2007, 05:41

DEC 07 1933 (SaxerVilla, Qazox)

Unusual day as Fry wasn't availible early. I think a component malfunction oocured, at least that's what Dr. Hadel told me. So Helms had to start in his place. Fry was subbed in at the half and scored twice, so every thing seemed to go well then.

But Jeru FC, that army team full of gays, trannies and other misfits, scored twice early, probably due to the use of their walkie-talkies. Until we switched the frequencies of our signals, the players weren't right. That particular flaw is fixed now.

Luckily for us, Endmile and Turori drew each other, so we are still in a tie for 2nd. The next match is real important, as its Turori, at the big stadium. A win and we control our destiny.

Ty Reed's implants are in now and early reports are they aren't working properly. Dr. Hadel suspects that there is something in his DNA that is preventing the implants from taking hold. Further tests are being done.

SCORING SUMMARY:
(Qazox) Todd Helms- 26', Yancy Fry- 59', Fry- 66'
(Jeru FC) Grunden January- 4', Jakob Fakestein- 16', Pansy Petal- 80'

Green wombat

29-11-2007, 05:57

Jason Vallens World Cup Blog:

Matchday Eight @ Prux

A thrilling 3-3 draw that saw 5 goals scored in the final 10 minutes, as Green wombat twice came back from 2 goal deficits to get a stunning draw.

Prux got an early goal from 007, and in the 81st minute 007 made it 2-0, and things looked bleak. Claudia Bard made it 2-1 in the 83rd minute, then 007 mde it 3-1 just seconds later as the wombats celebrated. Claudia Bard made it 3-2 in the 88th minute, and a misplayed pass from the Sphinx to 007 just after the kickoff and a couple of passes later, William Diehl tied at 3-3 in the 90th minute. Truly an unusual end to a great match.

SCORING SUMMARY:
Prux: 007- 12'
Prux: 007- 81'
Green wombat: Bard- 83'
Prux: 007- 84'
Green wombat: Bard- 88'
Green wombat: Diehl- 90'

In other Group action: Bostopia snuck by Wentland 1-0, Milchama crept by East Lithuania 2-0 and Lovisa nipped Nire and Nire 3-2. Green womabt is still in 7th place, with 6 points.

Up next for the Wombats is @ Nire and Nire. Another draw is the likely result.

Prux

29-11-2007, 06:13

PRUX' TOP NINE LIST VS. GREEN WOMBAT Part 2

#9- Prux choked away two 2-goal leads in the final 10 minute to draw 3-3.

#8- 007 in the 12th minute made it 1-0.

#7- 007 made it 2-0 in the 81st minute.

#6- Claudia Bard made it 2-1 just two minute later.

#5- During the Wombats celebration, 007, got his 3rd carrer hat-trick to make it 3-1 in the 84th minute.

#4- Bard scored in the 88th to cut the lead to 3-2

#3- Diehl , after a bad pass from the Sphinx, eked a shot past E. Nigma to tie it just before the final whistle.

#2- The draw drops Prux to 1-4-4, still 6th in the group, now 11 points out of qualifcation, meaning the Prawns are on the brink of elimination.

#1- The next match is home against East Lithuania. We won there 2-0, and need to win to have any chance at staying within stiking distance of a World Cup berth.

TOP TEN LIST
1- Ariddia (9-0-0) +36 GD (prev #1)
2- Az-cz (8-1-0) +29 GD (prev #2)
3- Errinundera (9-0-0) +28 GD (prev #3)
4- ESF (9-0-0) +23 GD (prev #4)
5- Zwangzug (8-0-1) +27 GD (prev #5)
6- Capitalizt SLANI (8-0-1) +26 GD (prev #6)
7- Sel Appa (8-1-0) +24 GD (prev #8)
8- Cafundéu (7-1-1) +30 GD (prev #10)
9- Bettia (7-0-2) +30 GD (prev #9)
10- Ad'ihan (7-1-1) +16 GD (prev #7)
Dropped Out:
NONE

BOTTOM 6:
#6- East Lithuania 1-1-7 -17GD
#5- Bumiroar 1-0-8 -21GD
#4- Rangpur 0-1-8 -26GD
#3- Thundercliffe 0-1-8 -14GD
#2- Pinguinum 0-1-8 -25GD
#1- Randovium 0-0-9 -23GD

Waiting list:
Mallatarsland, Hopeless SC, Limbrogidlia, Spaam, Tuaim, Bergelland, Miceland

Jeruselem

29-11-2007, 06:22

Dear Hacker of Wentland

RE: Kita Oliver

I heard one of your squad members Kita Oliver is missing. While I don't have any information that can help you. I do understand the disruption it can cause as Jeruselem know all about losing team members which isn't a nice thing. I hope Kita safe and sound with her kidnappers treating her nicely.

Many times people have tried to kidnap me due to my high profile, but most attempts fail as kidnapping a trained Ninja girly is not easy. I know Kita isn't trained to protect herself like me. I saw the game where your girls loss against our friends from Bostopia, and I think they were impacted by Kita being missing.

I hope she returns to the team and play in the finals. I've attached a little gold cross with this letter for luck. In times of need maybe a little help from above save the day.

God bless
Kate Dallas
Crown Princess of Jeruselem
XXX

Hopeless SC

29-11-2007, 08:48

OOC: Yes, I realize these are a couple days late, but I wanted to post them anyways.

IC:

Halfway Point Awards:

Disclaimer—these are put out by the Hopeless SC media, and let’s be honest, are totally biased against a certain nation…they may also be unjustly harsh on our own performance

The Studs Award (most impressive team): Arridia—let’s face it, they’re the best team in the world, despite their early exit from WC 37.

The Fish Award (biggest flop): Yafor 2—the former CoH champions have only 7 points at the midway mark

The Who? Award (most surprising newcomer): Alversia—did nothing in the BoF, but have already won 3 matches in the WC

The Skunk Award (biggest flop by a newcomer): Hopeless SC—the team that should have won the BoF has only won 1 match so far

Biggest Scoundrels: Dance 2 Revolution—enough said

Lead Foot (worst offense): (tie) Hopeless SC and Pinguinum—2 goals each

Precision-Aim Foot (best offense): (tie) Bettia and Arridia—34 goals each

Biggest Sieve (worst defense): Tuaim and Pinguinum—24 goals allowed each

Great Wall (best defense): (tie) Elves Security Force, Sel Appa, and Errinundera—3 goals allowed each

Bottom of the Barrel (worst teams):
8. Bumiroar—1-0-6, -16 GD --they’ve been pretty mute so far
7. Rangpur—0-1-6, -19 GD --the only thing getting rung is their necks
6. Spaam—0-1-6, -15 GD --this isn’t your grandfather’s Spaam
5. Thundercliffe—0-0-7, -13 GD --the most impressive of the pointless teams
4. Randovium—0-0-7, -18 GD --randomness hasn’t been nice to this team
3. Pinguinum—0-0-7, -22 GD --many would probably have them as worst, but statistics aren’t the only thing that matter here
2. Beregelland—0-0-7, -17 GD --BoF semifinalists still haven’t earned a point
1. Hopeless SC—1-0-6, -12 GD --a lot more was expected from the team that should have won the BoF

Top of the Mountain (best teams):
8. Demot—4-3-0, +13 GD --have to give them their due for being one of the last six unbeaten teams in the WC
7. Zwangzug—6-0-1, +18 GD --certainly not last, like the starting letter of their name would suggest
6. Capitalizt SLANI—6-0-1, +20 GD --they’ve capitalized well so far
5. Sel Appa—7-0-0, +19 GD --only beating the worst team in the WC by 3 at home doesn’t say much for them
4. Az-cz—6-1-0, +22 GD --very impressive despite the one blip on the record
3. Elves Security Forces—7-0-0, +20 GD --these elves are living large
2. Errinundera—7-0-0, +22 GD --no errors to speak of here
1. Arridia—7-0-0, +30 GD --best team in the world, and they’re showing it

Northern Bettia

29-11-2007, 10:12

The Anyuna Observer: nom nom nom nom
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y231/bettia/nbet-badge.gif
Norn Betya Drawd! Srsly!!1!!1!

olyvry.................................3 (Roy 15, Jackson 37, Monty 58)
norn betya.......................3 (Koalla 4, Sonata 43 69)

o hai! teh fier antz plyd sum footy at olyvry tdy in teihr latest qualfing match for teh wurld cup and dey wun!! srsly!!!1!11! and tey playd sum tasty futbal, nom nom nom nom. it had a flava.

as teh teems walkd out on to teh pitch, many thowsund hoomans shouteded and sum of dem had a fiyt wit pleecemans an der big grrdogs. one of dem had a bukkit. then teh ref bloo his wissel and teh gaym started. norn betya captin Stu Koalla kiked ball to Dawn Blakey, who was playded in teem cos Blake Sitara wuz suspended for bein norty in last match. Blakey run up wing den cut insid to penulti aryer but then was fowled and teh norn betyan playrs are like "OMG! d00d WAI U DO THAT? THAT NOT NICE!" and teh uvver playr is sayn "i no tuch him. cheetin bastud diveded" and teh norn betyan playrs are sayn "u lyin bastud!" n dey had a fiyt an teh ref caym and told plyrs to shut up an givz free kik to norn betya. yay! and Stu Koalla chpz bal into aryer and plyrs are jump for bal and Dan Shinobu jump hiyist, so high he can almost tuch Ceiling Cat an he hedz ball into net. yay! norn betya scord!

teh norn betyan playrs very hapy now cuz they can has cheezburger and theyr very happy.

and then they playded sum mor but olyvry scorded sum gowls and norn betya scorded sum mor gowls and norn betya drawd. this kitteh is happy

ai no rite long borin articl cos nornbetyan lolcats have short atenshun spanz. norn betya rool! kthnxbye

==================================================

Henry Moto, Chief Executive of the Football Association of Northern Bettia, sat impatiently at his grand oak desk perusing the morning papers, or at least trying to. Sipping his cup of tea and whiskey, the typical morning pick-me-up for a Northern Bettian high-flyer, he furrowed his brow and scratched his head as he flicked through the pages of the Anyuna Observer.

All of a sudden, the intercom buzzed.

"Mr Moto, sir?" a young woman's voice said, "The national team manager and his assistant are here to see you."

"Good, send them in immediately."

A few seconds later, team manager Iawn Obani and his assistant Baron Vendredi shuffled into the office, looking decidedly knackered after their short-notice detour from the Fire Ants training camp on The Pazhujeb Islands. They looked very nervous indeed - after all, this was a vital world Cup match they had been pulled away from, and they knew that this meeting must be important for their preparations to be interrupted in such an abrupt fashion. Even with his extravagant skull design facepaint, the Baron seemed to wear a real hangdog expression on his face.

"Morning boss," Obani greeted his superior in an obviously faked cheery manner. "What's the problem?"

Moto looked up at him and without saying a word tossed the newspaper at him.

"Would you mind explaining this?"

Obani opened the paper and peered at the back page headline - NORN BETYA WUN! SRSLY!!!1!!1!

"I... I don't understand," he started to say.

"Of course you don't understand! The bloody thing's written in gobbledegook all the way through! And it ain't just the observer neither - every newspaper, magazine, website... anything in Northern Bettia with words in it is exactly the same. Even those gossip mags for bored housewives are complete and utter garbage, but that's nothing new. Something tells me you have something to do with it!" he said, jabbing a finger at Vendredi.

The Assistant Manager gulped.

"I think I can explain..."

"Right, so this WAS another one of your voodoo tricks. Mind explaining just what the hell you were trying to pull?"

"Well, I've been looking around at the journalism of other countries, you know, to see how their reporting the football, and I figured that there's some sort of link between the quality of the reporting and the performance of their team. It's like every time someone writes a good report, it gives the players some sort of bonus. Therefore, I figured that if I can affect the quality of the other nations' reporting, it'll make their team play crap whilst our boys just get better and better! We can jinx all the other nations without them even noticing it!"

"Just one problem though - you didn't cast you crappy little spell on THEM, you cast it on US, and now every journo in the colony has the spelling and grammar of a dead chimpanzee."

"Yes, I admit it didn't quite work out right, and I think I know why. The potion recipe needed the root of the marshamllow plant - unfortunately I didn't have any marshmallow plants left in my lab, so I tried using a packet of marshmallows instead. That was a bit of a mistake."

"A bit of a mistake? A BIT OF A MISTAKE?! Baron, not only have you wrecked every newspaper in Northern Bettia, I heard on the news that some people are actually speaking like that! Can you imagine it? People speaking as though they have the intellectual capacity of a kitteh? OMG! Wai dis happenz? Dis not gud!"

Moto clapped his hands over his mouth.

"OMG! Get outz! And reverse this spell! Cheef exec kitteh does not approve of ur majikz!"

Fixtures / Results

MD..OPPONENT...............VENUE...RESULT

Qualifying Group 4

01: Bergelland.............Away......W 3-1
02: Oliverry...............HOME......W 3-2
03: The Pazhujeb Islands...HOME......W 3-1
04: Sorthern Northland.....HOME......L 2-3
05: Demot..................Away......L 0-3
06: St Samuel..............Away......W 2-1
07: Bumiroar...............Away......W 4-1
08: Bergelland.............HOME......W 2-0
09: Oliverry...............Away......D 3-3
10: The Pazhujeb Islands...Away......
11: Sorthern Northland.....Away......
12: Demot..................HOME......
13: St Samuel..............HOME......
14: Bumiroar...............HOME......

Kelssek

29-11-2007, 10:27

Crowd control diaries - November 29th

Football, World Cup Qualifying. Kelssek vs. Capitalizt SLANI

The stadium only filled up halfway - this was just a football match, after all - but we had our hands full trying to keep the 30,000 people from beating up on the 5,000 away fans and both groups from intruding on the 5,000 actual soccer fans watching. The hooligans waved red flags and tossed red flares on the pitch - which probably contributed quite significantly to the heavy defeat since some of them caused the Kelssek goalie to yell "AGH, MY EYES!" and run about like a headless chicken for long periods of time.

With the dollar rising like hot cakes someone rich and anti-capitalist had the bright idea of buying up UCS currency, making a pile of notes, and lighting about $5000 worth of paper notes on fire. It wasn't as easy as that since the material they make them of apparently doesn't burn very well but once the fire started and the away supporters realised what was going on, all hell broke loose. Some ran out crying and in emotional distress and others were crying because of the noxious fumes. And some morons dived right at the pile in an attempt to save them from the fire, ended up making themselves easy targets for the hooligans, and before you know it we had to call in ambulances.

I'm kind of scared there might be an international incident over this; you know how seriously some other countries take football, but we did the best we could in the circumstances and no one died or suffered injuries that won't heal, so that was a good day at work.

St Samuel

29-11-2007, 10:54

St Samuel Are Back

After being written off at the half way stage due to some very poor results many pundits had decided that the Latin Crusaders had no chance of qualification. The St Samuel Football Association were forced into sacking Georgi Monte-Cristiano after the awful start and now there has been somewhat of a revival, and many belive that it's all down to current caretaker manager, Yves al Jahdali.

The Ariddian was employed as Monte-Cristano's number two and since the departure of the sacked manager, St Samuel have looked like a new side. Al Jahdali all instilled a new belief in the team, with fast flowing, quality football and has combined youth and experience. Some have said that al Jahdali has given the national team an Ariddian touch of class and during the two fixtures he has been in charge, the Latin Crusaders have played in a similar way to the famous Rouge-et-Noirs.

Now many Samuelonians are calling for the St Samuel Football Association to make al Jahdali, the permenent first team manager, but the SSFA are yet to confirm or reject this. In al Jahdali's second match in charge, St Samuel took on the in-form Sorthern Northland, who before the match, were top of group 4.

Before the match Yves al Jahdali told reporters "There are important games and there are big games. Sorthern Northland versus St Samuel is both." Meanwhile the St Samuel press had dubbed the match 'A hugely significant fixture positively oozing hype and hyperbole.' Sorthern Northland's win in St Samuel nearly six month's prior had decidedly rattled St Samuel's psyche and a score to settle - like no other - loomed large for al Jahdali's men - beat Sorthern Northland in Sorthern Northland.

The Estadio Fidel Castro in Castrograd was packed with 45,000 supporters. 'Official' St Samuel fans - around 6,000 by all accounts - occupied a swathe of seating behind one of the goals. 'Unofficial' St Samuel fans seemed dotted around everywhere.

The teams, Sorthern Northland in red and yellow, St Samuel in their white away strip, entered the stage to huge welcome from the fans. Al Jahdali had decided to stick with the 3-5-2 formation with Corinthian in goal, Tyrone Rock, Justantinium and Della-Rosa in defence, Sebastien Rocka, Leo Sensini and Aaron De Villion in centre midfield, with Bezzi-Louaza and Lovintino on the wings and Atalanta and Mazzeranni up front.

St Samuel got off to the worst possible start - within five minutes Sorthern Northland pressed forward and a neat Relondinho chip followed by a cushioned header from Jing Mao allowed Kim Min-Kim to run into the penalty area and fire Sorthern Northland into a one-nil lead with the soul of his boot. Corinthian stranded, St Samuel rocked, Sorthern Northland ahead.

Whereas some teams are apt to crumble under the strain of conceding early - St Samuel, in contrast, seemed the more motivated by the setback. Within a few minutes a low Rocka cross had Sage scrambling to clear his six-yard area with his feet and on 12 minutes a dreadfully clumsy push on Atalanta by Ivar Wrightson near the far corner flag secured a free-kick in a dangerous position.

Rocka's free-kick to the far post was collected by Leo Sensini who hoofed the ball up in the air only for it to be headed back into the Northland penalty area by Bezzi-Louazza. Sage rushing out to punch away is beaten to the ball by Edgar Lovintino who intelligently heads down the ball to Atalanta. His instinctive and powerful half volley bulges the back of the Northland net satisfyingly. One-One.

St Samuel have the better of the following ten minutes as Rocka sees a searing free-kick sail past the far Northland upright and more significantly, Atalanta has the chance to put St Samuel two ahead with an attempted snap shot from a Bezzi-Louaza throw-in on the near-side. For Atalanta, such is his form, the chance constituted a miss - for other mortals - it was a virtually impossible opportunity.

Games turn on moments and this game was generously littered with them. The first such moment occurred in the 22nd minute. Mao, inexplicably drifting unmarked into the middle of St Samuel's penalty area received a deft low cross from Relondinho. Mao's ghastly miss - from 8 yards - did more to damage Sorthern Northland's chances of victory than Atalanta's opening goal. Head in hands, he immediately realised the significance of his lapse.

Atalanta by now was starting to terrify the Northland defence. For such a diminutive player - his capacity to worry defenders twice his size is remarkable. A long range pass, a regular feature of Rocka's game, finds Atalanta in space near the penalty area - his powerful first-time volley is only marginally wide of the post and leaves Sage looking both worried and relieved.

St Samuel then picked up a free kick twenty yards out. With the Northland wall ten yard's back, Rocka's indirect free-kick was bravely blocked by Corneal.

The game was by now end-to-end - no side having the upper hand - no side under the cosh. Mao almost surprised Corinthian with an excellent chest and volley but his attempt flew past the upright and minutes later, Niclas Corinthian's superb and world class save low to his right from a sharp Jorg O'Bagels drive saved St Samuel from conceding a very damaging second goal.

St Samuel still purposeful in attack, pushed forward in the last few minutes of the half. Graeme Shorey with a rash, and quite unnecessary, challenge on Rocka by the nearside corner flag - unwittingly set up the most decisive moment of the game. Rocka's cross, Justantinium's headed knock-down and Leo Sensini's rasping, wicked, powerful drive left Sage sprawling and Sorthern Northland reeling. Two-one and half-time.

The psychological effect of scoring on half-time can never be underestimated, one the St Samuel have become to know all to well. A side going in at half-time - having just conceded - have 15 minutes in which to dwell negatively on the disadvantage.

In a game where the first half stretched belief to the maximum - the second half elevated the contest to new and uncharted heights of ecstasy. While Sorthern Northland were still rationalising the deficit - St Samuel were purposefully striving to secure further advantage.

To their credit, sitting back on a 2-1 lead never seemed to enter St Samuel's head and three minutes after the break St Samuel delivered a near knockout blow that shattered Sorthern Northland's already fragile confidence. A Rocka cross, a Mazzeranni headed knock-down and a terrific Atalanta volley from 12 yards secured a 3-1 lead in emphatic style.

Sorthern Northland were by now mostly confined to long range strikes at goal. Mao and Min-Kim both being off target with strikes on 53 and 57 minutes respectively. Moments later Xung headed down for Relondinho, free by the penalty spot, who volleyed wide unchallenged. With greater composure Sorthern Northland could have been within a single goal of St Samuel with half an hour still to play - as it was 6 minutes later St Samuel further cemented their lead with a superb interception and pass from Leo Sensini to Atalanta who ran into the box. His confident and purposeful strike over Sage's sinking body secured an amazing - but richly deserved hat-trick. His first for St Samuel.

Incredibly, despite a three goal cushion, St Samuel were still taking the game to Sorthern Northland. Whereas other sides may have opted to sit back and invite pressure for the remainder of the game, St Samuel were showing excellent forward movement and focus. Leo Sensini in particular epitomising the character of the team - never giving up - never slowing down - never letting Sorthern Northland back into the game.

Despite a smart clearance from Corinthian at the feet of Mao, Northland pressure mostly amounted to very little and with 15 minutes remaining a penetrative Rocka through-ball to De Villion, followed by an accurate and inviting cross to Mazzeranni's feet was dispatched in clinical fashion past a shell-shocked Sage for a 5-1 lead.

As the whistle went, not a second too soon for the unlucky Sage, the celebrations began. A victory against one of the best Northland side's seen and who are currently at the top of their form was a great achievement. Yves al Jahdali name was sung in glory by the Samuelonian fans and the Ariddian is already being hailed as a national hero. Is this the turning point for St Samuel?

The Archregimancy

29-11-2007, 13:31

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

WORLD CUP TONIGHT

With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated

"So, Fr. John... Spaam...."

"Well, Fr. Nicholas, I'm confident that this is one match we can't possibly win. True, we somehow managed to defeat the same squad at home in the first half of qualification, but that was only due to a single goal by Fr. Serginho during one of his rare moments of sanity. I give you my word as a man of God that I truly feel the Spirit shall move us to lose today. And lose badly. Four-nil, five-nil, or thereabouts."

"Thanks, Fr. John, and with the Spaamanian national anthem coming to a close, let's go straight to the match...."

10th minute
"...for the second consecutive time, a freekick easily clears the wall and bounces off the hapless Fr. George's left buttock."

"At least the Spaam forwards are getting shots on target this match, Fr. John, and it can't be long before they break through our total lack of resistance."

"Fr. Theodoros weakly and lamely attempts to clear the ball, unworthy worm of a monk wretch though he is, but.... this is extraordinary! A freak gust of wind catches the ball, and sends it all the way across the pitch and past a helpless Spaam keeper - total disaster. 1-0 to the Archregimancy when we were doing our level best to lose as badly as possible."

"Let's hope the opposition can pull one back quickly, Fr. John."

17th minute
".... a miscommunication in the Spaam defence leads to a rare Archregimancy corner - only their second the entire campaign if we ignore the Casari and Vikingholm results."

"With only an unusually disturbed Fr. Serginho and a clearly drunk Fr. Demetrius forward, we can't possibly score here, Fr. John!"

"Fr. Hypatius takes a particularly weak and anemic corner, the ball dribbles towards the penalty area, Fr. Demetrius collapses in the penalty area... the Spaam defenders and goalkeeper quickly run to his assistance, as if to personify the parable of the Good Samaritan - but the referee hasn't blown the whistle! The ball bounces off the foot of the supine Fr. Demetrius and... AND... DISASTER AGAIN! The ball gently trickles across the goalline, and an unconscious Fr. Demetrius scores his first international goal - and it's 2-0 to the Archregimancy.

38th minute
"....another solid Spaam attempt to find the net is inadvertently saved by Fr. George, who just can't seem to get out of the way, no matter how hard he tries."

"But what's Fr. Pavel doing, Fr. John?"

"Oh dear... watch out.... he's seen a pie stand behind Spaam's goal. But the loose ball bounces up and lodges itself within his ample posterior as he runs up the field! I'm not sure he even knows it's there! The entire Spaam team are trying to avoid his massive frame as he descends on the pie stand, ripping a hole through the net of the home goal... and... the referee's allowed a goal to stand! There's nothing in the rules against what Fr. Pavel has done, and without even trying, the pie-eating man mountain has scored his second of the campaign!"

Half time
"Why does God punish us so, Fr. John? Much as we seek to lose, we find ourselves 3-0 up in the most farcical circumstances."

"It is not for us to question the mysterious workings of the Lord, Fr. Nicholas - but I have to agree that this is the most inexplicable match of football I've ever seen. We've done everything possible to gift the match to Spaam, and we simply can't lose. This has every making of a historic catastrophe equal to the fall of Jerusalem in the 7th century..."

45 minutes later - full time
"...this incredible match, which the Archregimancy have contrived to win 6-0 against all the odds."

"An unmitigated disaster, Fr. John. We shall not see its like again. The only consolation is that our poor goal difference leaves us mired in fourth, out of the qualification spots, despite this pathetic, awful result."

"And which second half goal did you find most remarkable, Fr. Nicholas? The one involving the hamster, the stripper, and the escaped gorilla, or the one involving Fr. Feodor's icon-strewn stainless steel crutch?"

"Neither, Fr. John. For me the low point was the sixth goal."

"Ahhhhh. The one involving Fr. Fulvianius' excessive wind."

"Right. Everyone knows farting is never funny, Fr. John. If I had my way, all smelly bodily functions would be banned as sinful. Especially those that result from an excessive intake of grass. But almost as bad were the 78 opportunities on goal that Spaam failed to score with - the incident involving the flock of dead seagulls and the purple pygmy elephant was particularly hard to take."

"I agree, Fr. Nicholas. Ah well... here's hoping we can get humiliated next time round instead!"

Candelaria And Marquez

29-11-2007, 13:45

The Candelariasian Online/News in Brief

C&M Isanglad all over after comeback win The Big Blues went a long way to putting their away day blues to bed with a confident two-nil win against Magnus Valerius. The unpredictable Boyars are, alongside C&M’s next group opponents Kiryu-shi, the only sides who can realistically challenge Mark Baker’s men for a place at World Cup 38; and this result will have done the away side’s hopes of qualifying no harm at all despite the prosaic nature of the performance.

None the less, Baker will receive great credit in tomorrow’s press for his decision to return to the 4-2-3-1 that found only draws in Kelssek and Uiri after the flaccid defeat to the Capitalizt SLANI in Arrigo last month. C&M’s travelling support in the Valerian capital reacted positively to the manager’s faith in his original game plan, with several telling TV1 that they were pleased he had not opted to make potentially slapdash wholesale changes in response to the team’s poor recent performances.

To some degree however his hand has been forced by the make-up of his qualifying squad, with alternative strikers Stuart Vidakovic and Rusty Katic badly out of form for their CMSC clubs and other potential new (or rather old) introductions such as Mamdooh Momtaz and Juan Carlos Revault carrying niggling injuries from the weekend.

As such, the only changes to the starting XI were the reintroduction of midfielder Matteo Corradini for striker Yasser Zaghloul and the swap at left back of Doug Szczechowicz in favour of Lorenzo De Wilde. Barely had the strains of God Save the Tsar faded away had De Wilde made an impact after beating Pavlos Demetriopoulos to a high ball and lofting an accurate cross-field ball to José Felipe Cassumba Domingos. The twenty-one-year-old's battle with local favourite Levon Andreyevich would prove one of the game’s more interesting tussles throughout, but on this occasion Cassa got the better of his younger rival and passed to Ignacio Vélez who beat the offside trap and advanced on Dimitri Shchilinov. The ‘keeper saved athletically but Cassa slipped the loose ball back into Vélez’ path and slid the ball easily to the other side of the goal to silence the home support.

Before the ten minute mark the Boyars were very nearly back in it after a stylish move that ripped the Candelariasian midfield apart. Maximilian von Hohenstauffen beat Oberon Martinez but his shot rebounded off the bar to safety. Sitting on a one-goal lead, C&M seldom looked in further trouble without creating many openings themselves, and the Valerian frustration began to tell late in the first half when a series of players were yellow carded for high tackles. For C&M De Wilde, Walter Jordan and O’Sullivan Caras returned the favours as the Qazoxian referee struggled to get a hold on the game.

Half-time brought two substitutions from Mongke Urt-Urumqi, clearly all too aware of the vital importance of this game. Petros Leontios and Johann Adolf Fredericks both tested Martinez’ shot-stopping before Corradini won a corner that Sam Young up from the back reached highest to. Shchilinov again helped put his eight goals conceded to Jeruselem behind him with a reaction save, but Young was able to bundle the ball home off Koksegu Daritai’s left boot.

Caras almost put an unwarranted sheen on the scoreline late on, but his free-kick whistled just wide.

Mahmoud to issue new media rules The Ministry for Culture, Media and Sport has confirmed in the last hour that new regulations governing the reporting of sensitive subjects will be announced by Kovac Mahmoud in the House early next week. The bill comes in the wake of several high-profile privacy cases involving celebrities, sportspeople and politicians, but had been described by some critics as a further suppression of the Candelarias’ much-valued free press, particularly given that the topics included in the new bill are expected to include several relating to international affairs with no seemingly no connection to domestic events.

However, the bill is expected to be supported by both main opposition parties; SD&GP spokesman Edward Spencer describing opposition to the plans as “the strangled swan-song of the tittle-tattle press” on TV1 last night. Editorials in the Herald, El Periodico and even the Mercury this week have all written in support of what the Herald describes as “the vital new rules that protect both press freedom and Candelariasian citizens’ right to privacy”.

Frogs The town council in Gordon Bay has issued a public denial on its website that there are any ‘giant frogs’ in the town, as reported by several independent witnesses over the last week and on local radio in the Albrecht Cove region. The rumour was sparked off last Thursday after local corporate infrastructure coordinator Fallon Attard, 31, contacted the police to say he had seen a metre-tall, green animal “foraging” for acorns in Memorial Park. Similar reports later flooded in to local and national radio. Council Leader Shandley Owens later told the network that “all reports will be thoroughly investigated.”

This evening however, a denial appeared on the website stating that Mr. Attard, who has convictions for marijuana possession dating back to the late eighties, now accepts that he mistakenly confused a large Alsatian for the apparition reported to police. The statement adds that after the ‘big cat’ reports in the capital, it was “understandable that there would be ‘copy-cat’ sightings reported both by cranks and genuine individuals caught up in the large-animal-spotting-excitement. There is no evidence of any amphibians larger than the ubiquitous common toad prevalent in this region at the current time.”

Local naturalists have suggested that Gordon Bay denizens may have in fact spotted some of the few surviving examples of the indigenous Bufo alvarius (the ‘Whacked Toad’) that were driven almost to extinction in the Candelarias in the early twentieth century with the discovery of the hallucinogenic qualities of its skin and venom and it believed to survive only in mid-east Marquez. They have been known to grow to up to nine inches in captivity.

__________________________________________________________________________

“Oh…kay… That’s not normal. Um, subject’s heart appears intact but… shifted, somewhere. The, uh, lung is small, about two-thirds that of… a… real person, is located centrally… In fact it’s all pretty symmetrical, really. Oh, it’s purple, by the way. Beetroot.” The pathologist gave her assistant a despairing look. The diener paused the voice recorder.

“Are we actually going to bother hollowing him out, gaffer?”

“I… Oh, god knows.” She peered into the chest cavity. “It’s just weird. It’s so compact. I can’t see anything that remotely suggests the aorta… pulmonary artery… Where are the freaking veins, for heaven’s sake?! I suppose we could have a butchers at the stomach, but…”

“Does it have one?”

“Everything’s got a stomach. At least we could send back a rough time of death to the Coroner’s offi… God, look, I mean what’s that when it’s at home? It’s like some sort of super-vein…” She puffed out her cheeks. “Alright, bugger this for a game of soldiers; I’ve got what looks like an entertaining little crystal meth death out there with my name all over it.”

“You sure about this?”

“Yeah. What’s the point? Stitch him back up, Mike. And the brain. Oh, flick the little switch again would you? Thanks. Right, cause of death undetermined. Recommending body be sent ‘upstairs’ for further examination.” She sighed deeply. “Bag it up, pin the external exam to the chart, and call Dave and Dave when you’re ready. I’ll be scrubbing out.”

“Sure.”

The pathologist took another look at the lumpen form on the body brick, shook her head vaguely, and wandered out of the room.

Wentland

29-11-2007, 20:34

Hacker spoke.

"There is NO WAY ON EARTH that I am going to pick Lennie Newton."

The media were stunned into silence. Somewhere the Blue Tits cheered. They were staying on.

One of the pressmen finally ventured a question. "But the loss to Bostopia...surely the squad could do with a hardman in defence? Especially as that would release Kita Oliver?"

"I am NOT going to give in to bullies. I am NOT going to have a player picked for the squad by terrorists. I am NOT going to do anything to upset the team."

"But this is a golden opportunity to choose people you want, surely?"

"That is not the point. I have a squad of players with which to work. I am going to work with them. For better or for worse. May I say how impressed I have been with their fortitude and application. Especially at this time. To come away from Bostopia with a single goal defeat in these circumstances is a tribute to them. I am not going to let them down now."

"But if you picked Newton..."

"Do you not understand me? Watch my lips move!! I AM NOT PICKING NEWTON AND THAT'S THAT!!! If these Cafundans people, or whatever they're called, think they can get their precious Lenworth into the squad they have another thing coming. Unless Kita Oliver is released back to us safe and sound NEWTON WILL NEVER PLAY FOR WENTLAND AGAIN. Capeesh?"

"Loud and clear."

"Now if you excuse me I have 22 players to look after and a game to prepare for. We can't beat Milchama without playing them. Gentlemen."

With that Hacker left the room. As soon as he closed the door he took the note out of his tracksuit pocket. He raised it to his nose.

"Hmm...smells like that Dallas woman's own scent..."

Cafundeu

29-11-2007, 21:56

OLHO NO LANCE! YOUR SPORTS MAGAZINE!
$PECIAL $ECTION

WORLD CUP 38 QUALIFIERS COVERAGE - WITH GLOBO MULTIMEDIA
Written by Sílvio Ruiz, with comments from TV made by Breno Gavião

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

OUTRA VITÓRIA... CLASSIFICAÇÃO MUITO PRÓXIMA

http://img128.imageshack.us/img128/2882/fla23bg8.jpg
Players commemorate Cafundéu’s goal

Cafundéu continues its campaign in the World Cup 38 qualifiers, in an easy group, and in a comfortable position. After many big wins and two negative results, Cafundéu played The Islands of Qutar away. Against, the Monopolists were the better team, but had many difficulties during the game, and for many minutes was losing the game. But, in the end, the strength of the red-black team was enough to get another three points in group 9.

Changes and Absences: Toninho returns. Dutra substitutes Lauro (suspended).
Formation: very offensive 4-4-2.
Opponent: probably the same beggars from the game in Cafundó do Juta.

THE FIRST HALF: the first half wasn’t good for Cafundéu. In the first minutes, the team pressured the opponents with fast attacks, but most of them weren’t dangerous. The best chance was in a shot by Rato, which hit the post. The Monopolists couldn’t reach the attack properly, and The Islands of Qutar could show some football. Surprising the visitors with the speed of some of its players, especially a bald man and a tall woman, the team started to create good chances against the goalkeeper Dutra. First, the tall woman headed the ball after a corner, and the ball went over the bar for centimeters.

The few supporters of Cafundéu that were able to travel to Qutar simply couldn’t believe that the hosts were playing better at that moment. But that was what was happening, and, after some plays, The Islands of Qutar was able to score a goal. The bald man received the ball near the entrance of the area, dribbled Eduardo Monte and shot to score. Cafundéu tried to react still in the first half, but was unable to do so.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 1 (Qutar’s goal): “The winger takes the ball in the left side, avoids Anorrrrrmal and makes a pass to the attack. The bald man is with the ball, faces Eduarrrrrdo, drrrrribbles him, shoots... and it’s a goal! Goal for The Islands of Qutar! The bald man scorrrrred! The Islands of Qutar one, Cafundéu zerrrrro! Spend no morrrrre time paying and wasting time to rrrrreveal your photos! No, no morrrrre! Now, you have the solution! Buy now the C-Electrrrrronics digital camerrrrra Max-Ultra-Extrrrrrreme-Gigantic Definition, the Passarrrrrinho V8!”

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Look! Our friend Jorge Lang appeared on TV!

THE SECOND HALF: something happened inside the dressing room. Cafundéu’s attitude changed, and the team returned much more determined, with will to fight for the three points. The team from The Islands of Qutar showed the same quality of football of the first half, but couldn’t hold the attacks of the Monopolists in the second half of the game. The first attack ended in the first goal, when Flecha headed after Rato crossed the ball. The draw wasn’t the best result for Cafundéu, but, as the team was in a very good situation in the standings, it wouldn’t be a disaster. But the victory wasn’t far away.

It took time. Braddock made all the possible changes to see the team scoring again. And finally it worked. Ferreira received the ball from Neto in the midfield, changed passes with Fabrício, received the ball back and shot. This should be an easy save for the goalkeeper, but he failed, and Cafundéu scored. Anormal appeared minutes after to score the last goal of the game, after running over two defenders.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 2 (Flecha’s goal): “One minute has passed in the second half, Qutar is winning the game, but Cafundéu wants to scorrrrre. Rrrrrrato with the ball. The good midfielder looks at the arrrrrea. Stops. Rrrrrruns a bit. Stops. Crrrrrosses the ball... Flecha heads... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! A rrrrreplay is needed! Flecha, number nine! Cafundéu one, The Islands of Qutar one! Surrrrrfing boarrrrrds and other things for the beach you find in Havaí Storrrrre, near the Parrrrranapanema beach of Tijhus!”

CURIOUS MOMENTS: it was something that hadn’t happened in a game of the Cafundelense National Team for a long time. A naked fan invaded the field. It was a woman holding a black chicken in her left hand. The midfielder Neto asked her to leave the field. She waved to the other supporters in the field and left the stadium. She was arrested later, but because she was involved in a car accident, three hours after the game. Other thing: our reporter Jorge Lang appeared on television! Incredible! I don’t know why he was filmed, but now he is a more famous person!

JORGE LANG - INTERVIEWS: yes, I appeared during the Globo Multimedia broadcast of the game. But I don’t want to talk about it now. Now, it’s time for the interviews! As my contract demands, I talked first with the coach of the National Team, Franz Braddock, who said: “Qutar was impressive in the first half, but, in the end, we could win the game. I must admit that, for some moments, I feared that the team wouldn’t win the game, but I’m glad that I was wrong.”

The players were relieved with the result too. I talked with the midfielder Rato, who told me: “A good game. Qutar gave more work to us than we expected. The team continues on good form, so we can expect more positive results in the future.” The goalkeeper Dutra said: “Now, I return to the bench. It was a good game, Qutar had some good chances, I think that I did a good job.”

BEST PLAYERS OF THE GAME (Ruiz’s opinion): the bald man of The Islands of Qutar played well, and so did the goalkeeper Dutra. But the main players of the game were the midfielder Anormal, with good defensive and offensive work, and Marcelinho. I really liked the way that the midfielder played in this game. But the best player of the game was Rato. It’s incredible. He is playing great, but he wasn’t able to score a goal in the competition at this moment.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 3 (Ferreira’s goal): “Neto passes the ball to Ferrrrrrrreirrrrra in the midfield. The attackers makes a good pass to Fabrrrrrício, rrrrreceives the ball back, passes the ball to Neto who passes it to Fabrrrrrício again. Now the ball is rrrrrreturrrrrned to Ferrrrrrrreira, he shoots... a goalkeeper mistake... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Rrrrrreplay is coming! Ferrrrrrrrrreirrrrra, number nineteen! Cafundéu two, The Islands of Qutar one! Vai Com Deus morrrrrtuarrrrry! Your death is our way of living! If you die today, don’t forrrrrget to tell you family to hirrrrre the serrrrrvices of Vai Com Deus morrrrrtuarrrrry!”

http://img128.imageshack.us/img128/3584/1361662959244c3d4d2bjy8.jpg
A Qutar player prepares to take a corner kick

THE ISLANDS OF QUTAR 1x3 CAFUNDEU

Place: in a football field
Attendance: (if you know, please tell us)
Referee: Telmo Brazzer (Bazalonia).
MOTM: Rato (Cafundéu).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/the_islands_of_qutar.png THE ISLANDS OF QUTAR: no team released.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Dutra; Léo Mattos, Toninho, Eduardo Monte and Lobato; Anormal, Marcelinho (Éverton 83’), Rato and Neto; Heitor (Fabrício 74’) and Flecha (Ferreira 70’).
Coach: Franz Braddock.

Goals:QUT: the bald man 37’.
CAF: Flecha 46’ , Ferreira 81’ , Anormal 84’.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cafundéu – formation for game against Solenial: Lauro; Coelho, Índio, Eduardo Monte and Lobato; Anormal, Marcelinho, Rato and Neto; Heitor and Flecha.
Coach: Franz Braddock.
Style of +3

Match’s Referee: Franklin Geremund (Zwangzug).

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Goalscorers after 9 games:

11- Heitor
7- Flecha
4- Neto
3- Anormal and Ferreira
2- Léo Mattos
1- Toninho, Marcelinho, Carlos Magno and Eduardo Monte.
1 own goal

Globo Multimedia is also interviewing people about the Lennie Newton/Kita Oliver case, another kidnapping involving Cafundéu. Expect news soon.

Milchama

29-11-2007, 23:19

"You know what I've noticed?"

"What?"

"Nobody reads these things"

"That's so true, the boring newspaper reports, annoying announcing of the games and the whatever Az-cz does it all sucks"

"Yeh but the worst of it is the two random people talking about stupid stuff instead of football"

"Agreed so what are we going to do about it?"

"We're just going to show the headlines"

"Ok"

Alexandria Times-Tribune-Star-News-Today-Post-Gazette-Chronicle-Journal-Enquirer

Milchama runs riot as Belmowitz scores 2

Chi Sun-Times-Tribune-Domestic-International-Star-News-Today-Yesterday

Warriors Bludgeon Lithuanians

Football Journal-Weekly-News-Report

Fumblerooski!
Warriors win on East Lithuanian keeper's mistake

"Yeh that's a great plan"

"I agree"

Final Score:
Milchama 2 (Belmowitz 13, 86)
East Lithuania 1 (That Bum 73)

Cafundeu

29-11-2007, 23:42

(OOC: between matchdays 9 and 10)

BRENO GAVIÃO (shouting a lot) - "And we end another marrrrrrvelous game of the Lasft State Championship! Surrrrrely a game that can decide the title. If SC Lasft was leading the competition by a difference of thrrrrree points, now Petarrrrrrdos S/A rrrrreached them. Petarrrrrdos S/A thrrrrree, SC Lasft two!"

JOÃO LUIZ MANTENA (other commentator) - "Yes, Breno. SC Lasft started winning the game with a beautiful goal scored by Anormal, but Petardos was able to score twice, first with Fe-Do, and later with Newton, after receiving a magnificent pass from Patette! SC Lasft drew with Cornelisse, but Newton scored again, and Petardos won this match!"

BRENO - "Yes, and now let's talk with the herrrrro of the game, Lennie Newton! One of the best playerrrrrs of the league! Arrrrre you with him, Rrrrregiane?"

REGIANE KLABIN (reporter) - "Yes, Breno, he's here. So, what about the result of the game?"

LENNIE NEWTON - "Good. We knew that we could win this game. It's a derby, so it's very difficult. We had a good strategy at the beginning of the game, but, after the goal, we had some difficulties. But we showed that this team is able to overcome them."

MANTENA - "Are you hearing me, Lennie?"

NEWTON - "Yes, Mantena, you can talk."

MANTENA - "I could say that you were the best player of the day. After three games without scoring, can you say that these two goals scored today relieved you?"

NEWTON - "Of course, Mantena. It's not a good thing for an attacker like me to not score goals, and it's not common too."

BRENO - "And what about Arrrrrgentier? Did the Arrrrriddian asked you to play morrrrre to the left side today? I noticed it."

NEWTON - "Not much. Christophe asked me to go more to the wings, and I felt better in the left side. Fe-Do decided to go to the right. You know, usually I'm the attacker that plays in the centre, the target man inside the area, but the team worked well this way. Misterson was the responsible for creating the plays and..."

MANTENA (interrupting him) - "Sorry, Lennie, but I need to ask this question. What do you think of the kidnapping of Kita Oliver?"

NEWTON - "I heard of it. It's sad, I feel sad for her family. I just hope that this can have a happy ending."

MANTENA - "And what about returning to the National Team?"

NEWTON (voice tone is different) - "Well... it's difficult to talk about it... I was a bit disappointed when I discovered that I wasn't called but... the girls are doing a good job. But I can't deny that I would like to return to the National Team, it's great to play in a World Cup."

BRENO - "And the kidnapping opened the doorrrrrs of the National Team to you, don't you think?"

NEWTON - ...

REGIANE - "Lennie?"

NEWTON - "Yes, it did. Hacker could put me in her place. After all, she'll be released if he does this. Wouldn't be good for the team to have me? It's just one man, won't disrupt the harmony of the team."

BRENO - "So, do you want to rrrrreturrrrrn?"

NEWTON - "Right. I want to return."

REGIANE - "But Hacker said that he wouldn't call you."

(suddenly, Salim Buchada enters in the field and stays near Lennie)

SALIM - "Can I interrupt you?"

BRENO - "Of courrrrrse, Salim. Be our guest."

SALIM - "I've got an idea. If Hacker doesn't want Newton..."

REGIANE - "Continue, please."

SALIM - "This is a message to coach Braddock. Call Newton!"

MANTENA - "He can't do that. Newton has played for Wentland."

SALIM - "He can ask to have his citizenship removed. So, he would have only the citizenship for Cafundéu, and would be able to play for us."

NEWTON - "Sorry, Mr. Buchada, but I was born in Wentland. To play in other National Team isn't in my plans. I know that I have been lived here for ten years... but I wouldn't like the situation."

REGIANE - "Thanks, Lennie. Go rest."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(Globo Multimedia commercial break. Another video of the kidnappers is shown)

MAFIA MEMBER 1 - "So, you don't want to negotiate with us."

MAFIA MEMBER 2 - "But who talked about negotiations?"

MAFIA MEMBER 1 - "There are no negotiations. We have already said what we want. This is our demand. Or you play with twenty-two players, or with Newton! Oliver will stay with us!"

MAFIA MEMBER 2 - "And, to show that we are not kidding... look at her!"

(The MM1 brings Kita Oliver. She is okay, no bruises)

KITA - "Hey, the film hasn't ended! And I haven't finished my dinner!"

MAFIA MEMBER 1 - "Quiet, woman, or we will cancel your appointment with the hairdresser that you asked us to call! And what about the videogame? We bought that for you, you asked it. So, stay quiet!"

KITA - "No problem."

MAFIA MEMBER 2 - "As you can see, she has been treated like a princess. But things can change... we can become violent..."

MAFIA MEMBER 1 - "Yes. Put Lennie Newton, the best player of the Cafundelense league, in the National Team, or our attitude towards Kita will change!"

MAFIA MEMBER 2 - "Best player? Nonsense!"

MAFIA MEMBER 1 - "It's what they want us to say."

MAFIA MEMBER 2 - "I refuse to say this. Barnes is much better."

MAFIA MEMBER 1 - "But Eddie Barnes is only a defensive midfielder."

MAFIA MEMBER 2 - "And defensive midfielders can't be best players? Remember Shockey and Anormal!"

MAFIA MEMBER 1 - "Dunboor had to use Barnes as an attacking midfielder last season..."

MAFIA MEMBER 2 - "It was necessary. But now they won't put him out of position, he'll play as a defensive midfielder."

MAFIA MEMBER 1 - "I prefer Marek Petras, the Ariddian of A.F.F.."

MAFIA MEMBER 2 - "He's not even close to Patette!"

MAFIA MEMBER 1 - "Look, the batteries of the camera need recharging..."

(video ends)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(Press conference with political leaders of Cafundéu. In Cafundó do Juta)

REPORTER - "Your Highness, will the government do something to find Kita Oliver?"

EMPEROR VAN TOCCO - "We're working on it. And we have reached a solution."

REPORTER - "Don't you think that it needs a fast solution?"

EMPEROR - "And it'll be fast. Trust me."

REPORTER - "This is very bad for businesses, don't you think? The confidence of other countries on our security... some even think that the Empire is helping the Mafia!"

EMPEROR - "We will solve this problem. We will rescue Kita. Any other questions with my daughter. I'm leaving."

(the Emperor leaves. His daughter, the Princess Alicia Van Tocco, is the Governor of the Juta state)

REPORTER - "This is a bad thing for your electoral campaign. Do you think that you can lose the elections for Governor?"

PRINCESS ALICIA - "This isn't the issue that I came to talk about."

REPORTER - "So tell us, which is this solution?"

COUNSELOR-MINISTER RAY MCKEEN - "Remember World Cup thirty-four?"

REPORTER - "Yes, of course."

MCKEEN - "And do you remember when The Scout was kidnapped?"

REPORTER - "Yes, the group of football haters who wanted to destroy the World Cup Final."

COUNSELOR-MINISTER PAUL BADDER - "Luckily, the football haters weren't able to complete their plan, as..."

MCKEEN - "... our group of special agents found them and sent them to prison!"

BADDER - "And they're still there."

REPORTER - "So?"

PRINCESS ALICIA - "What they're trying to say is that we will use the same group of special agents used in The Scout case."

REPORTER - "What? Aren't they too old now?"

COUNSELOR-MINISTER LARS WINNEAR - "Of course not! This was only 8 years ago. (OOC: for Cafundéu, the WC happens each 2 years) They're in their peaks. And the agent Fred Cardoso will be, once again, the leader."

REPORTER - "Wasn't he protecting The Scout?"

WINNEAR - "He was. But now The Scout hired personal guards. By the way..."

PRINCESS ALICIA - "... he started working. Many nations of the World Cup qualifiers will receive offers for players, but probably only after the end of the qualifiers."

REPORTER - "So, special agents will chase the kidnappers."

PRINCESS ALICIA - "Yes. General, say your last phrase."

WINNEAR - "We will find you! You won't escape! (points finger)"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cafundéu - formation for friendly against Daehanjeiguk: Dutra; Léo Mattos, Toninho, Eduardo Monte and Carlão; Anormal, Éverton, Carlos Magno and Neto; Heitor and Flecha.
Coach: Franz Braddock
Style of +3

Match's Referee: Sharon Rekke (Jeruselem).

Stadium to be used: Olímpico Imperial, in Lux (cap. 80,000).

Zwangzug

30-11-2007, 01:32

"Are we missing someone here?" Bartholomew called, slumped in front of his locker, before the game began.

Before Mal could fire off a snappy retort, Jacob responded, "Yeah, Coach is in court. I didn't ask."

"Does anyone else see a problem with this?" Eddie asked.

The players looked between themselves, and quickly came to a consensus. "...Nah."

"Sweet. Okay."

"Let's mix things up a little," Jacob ruled. At a glare from Andrew, he went on, "Not too much, just rotate a couple new players in. Preston?"

"Yo," the forward answered.

Momentarily distracted, Jacob echoed, "...Yo?"

"Yeah."

"Um...never mind. Anyhow, you'll start today..."

Preston capitalized on his selection, scoring a goal alongside Peter's and Phillip's pair. New Morrisia, for their part, kept things interesting, albeit being held to a single goal. In the sixty-eighth minute, a creative midfielder dropped back from Zwangzug territory into his own half, but then sent a pass to an open forward who scored easily.

Either unfortunately, fortunately, or both (if the same can't be said about anything), Coach Mcgimpy, having successfully procured a cell phone from a griping lawyer, called to check up on the game in the seventieth minute. "Hi, what's going on?"

"They just scored," Mal, who had been recently rotated out for Bethany Kieschnick, informed him. "Er, the other team, that is."

"See, they need me!" Mcgimpy groused to a clearly unimpressed DNA tester.

"...Rit this wa, sur."

As he shuffled along, the cell phone went out of range. "Giv that back, it's min!" the lawyer yelled.

"Hold on, it's just a little staticy."

The tester rolled her eyes. "He's trying 2 tok 2 sum1 in Nu Morisea. I ¬think ur plan goz that far."

Jeruselem

30-11-2007, 04:00

http://img470.imageshack.us/img470/8564/jgnlogohe2.png

Princesses spank Bostopia in friendly

Bostopia came to fortress Dazza Dallas Stadium to take on the Princesses. Both were coming off wins with the boys from Bostopia beating Hacker's women or girls and Jeruselem accounting for Kiryu-shi 3-0 at home. Jeruselem play Miceland and Uiri next at home, and Jeruselem's home form is really good so far.

Bostopia are good team but playing Jeruselem at home as not an easy task with the Princess leading her team named the Princesses very well. The Bostopian team are coached by Kelly Firth, the hottest woman in Bostopia and a friend of our own super hottie Dazza Dallas. They had beaten the female Wentland ("Blue Tits") team recently and it seemed the Bostopian boys were not distracted by the saucy Wentland girls. Historically, Jeruselem and Wentland have good women's teams. Could the Bostopian boys resist the girls from Jeruselem which have the hottest football playing women in the world?

It seems no. You'd think being coached by Kelly Firth and winning against Wentland would have prepared Bostopia for the Dallas girls! Bostopia crashed 1-7 to the Princesses. They had no answer to the men and women of Jeruselem who showed Kelly's boys all about being a real football team. Bostopia's only goal was caused by Hikfie Dallas getting all tangled with Bostopian keeper Peter Jeffers who happens to be her husband, which allowed the Bostopians to take advantage of a committed Jeruselem attack where everyone was forward.

Otherwise Peter Jeffers had a rather bad time time with the females of Jeruselem scoring at will with Kate Dallas, Scarlet Ferris, Kara Kool, Dazza Deux, Joline Jollie, Fifi Renault and his wife Hikfie Dallas scoring goals. The Bostopians had a little trouble with the women but had no troubles playing the Jeruselem men. We're not sure why but they had seemed to have concentration issues with Jeruselem women in pink and blue. Kate Dallas had a bit trouble with "wrestling" all game.

Later, the Jeruselem females complained some of their underwear had been stolen from dressing rooms with the Bostopians suspected. None of the Dallas girls lodged complaints, they don't wear underwear a lot. We spoke to ex-player and ex-coach Dazza Dallas about the game and she said
"Well, Jeruselem didn't play 100% but then neither did the Bostopians. Honestly, I think they were a bit distracted by our women. I know I'm quite distracting too even if I am over forty now. I hope Bostopia don't play like this all time - it's not good. Milchama beat then with a similar margin before so I don't know!"

Later Dazza Dallas and her relatives had a chat to Kelly Firth and boys. Hikfie Dallas was very keen to have some private time with hubby.

Nire and Nire

30-11-2007, 04:07

Silverware Shared in Pulsating Match

Nire and Nire 1 - 1 Candelaria and Marquez

The Inaugural 'And' Trophy between Nire and Nire and Candelaria and Marquez will be shared between the two nations after a thrilling 1-1 draw at the Kartik Football Stadium in the Territory of Nire, Nire and Nire. The home team, fielding a complete reserve outfit matched it with their superior opponents for most of the match and throughly deserved a draw. The draw breaks a 4 match losing sequence which has seen the mighty Bulls fall from 2nd to 5th in their World Cup 38 Qualification Group. El Commander Nire scored his first international goal in the 25th with a well-timed free kick which thundered into the top left corner of the net, leaving the C&M keeper grasping at thin air. But it was C&M who were to have the final say, a 72nd minute equaliser meant the Trophy will be shared. It is hoped that the match, which was played in high spirits, will become a regular fixture on the International Calender. The FA were pleased with a capacity crowd in one of Nire and Nire's smallest cities and hoped that the Trophy would continue into the future as a contest between two proud footballing nations.

In other news, concern is growing over the whereabouts of a member of the Wentland Football team. Due to the ban on overseas news in the Disputed Territories little is known about the disappearance although sources can confirm that high level diplomatic efforts are being taken to secure the release of unnamed player and rumours are flying around of a terrorist organisation by the name of 'The Restoration of True Religion' being somehow implicated in this sordid affair. President Nire, speaking after the Match emphasised that the Disputed Territories had no official position on the matter, noting that it was Government policy to remain neutered in international affairs although as he turned to walk away he added "It is nothing to worry about, people disappear all the time in Nire and Nire."

Casari

30-11-2007, 04:51

"Wait, what?" Silvia said, blinking. "Where the hell is everyone?"

Mike looked around and shrugged. "We made changes."

"Changes?" Silvia said flatly. "That was my team."

Mike nodded and turned. "And we changed the team. Have a good time out there, and try to get this back on track."

---

Silvia really hated to say it, but she did- the kids had a sense of chemistry her team just couldn't seem to match. Particularly when one was able to head a rather halfhearted cross into the goal to get Casari out of it's friendly with Novapsolu with a narrow 1-0 win- not much, but far better than the results that they've had in recent days. Hopefully it was an actual cause for hope, and not some kind of farce.

Because Soccer in Casari just couldn't take any more bad right now. After conflicts had torn down the old team, one had been cobbled together from youth programs and second division teams- and somehow, it worked.

---

"See, the trick is picking people who don't think they're more important than the game. That's why All-Star teams lose." Vivica Hill said on the other end of the phone as Silvia leaned against the side of her locker.

"Thanks, mom." Silvia said, a bit disgruntled.

"Don't worry, it was your first team. You'll learn, you just need to get a bit of psychology under your belt."

"I know."

"Don't mope. You won't do anything by being a Fatalist."

"I'm not a Fatalist."

"You are. You half-quit today until you got lucky with that cross. You look at the scoreboard too much and forget to play."

"You sound like a Sarist."

"They don't have a St. Hill for nothing. Anyway, I have a league game in an hour, I should go get ready."

"Wait... you're Saint Hill?"

"Bye, Sil."

"Wait!" Silvia said as her mother hung up, leaving her staring at her phone. "Today just gets more and more bizzare."

One of the new younger players sat down at her locker next to Silvia's and shrugged, yawning. "Ugh, I can't believe that asshole defender took me down from behind."

Another player across the room laughed. "Got your revenge, though."

"Oh yeah, he's regretting doing that now that his chances of having a kid have dropped by half."

Silvia snickered.

Scotchpinestan

30-11-2007, 05:01

Scotchpinestan tries to regroup
Keith Martin, Douglas Journal

After begin in third place in group 10 at the midway point of qualifications, Scotchpinestan has looked nothing like a World Cup-caliber team in its last two games.

The 7-1 defeat at the hands of Zwangzug was not totally unexpected. It did also give both Scotchpine backup goalkeepers some playing time. But the 1-0 loos to San Adriano was beyond disappointing. Again the Scotchpinestan attack was thwarted by a smothering defense.

The team is still in fourth place, with a record of 4-4-1, but that's no consolation.

"We have to play better," said coach Douglas Jenkins. "And we will play better. We don't have a choice. We need to get back to playing like we're capable of. We need to control the game, not let the game control us. and we need to score some goals."

To that end, Jenkins is tinkering with the lineup for the next match against Taeshan. Taeshan is another defensive-minded team that will be playing for the scoreless draw. If Jenkins has his way, it'll be about 5-0. But this lineup will settle for a W:

G: Marzala

D: Moore, Salazar (first start), Shetland

M: Xavier (first start), Hannity, Salcedo

F: Jackvony, Volkov, Urmanov, Long

Goal scorers through 9 games:

Volkov 2
Hannity 2
Salcedo 1
Jackvony 1
Moore 1
Long 1

Hopeless SC

30-11-2007, 05:04

SHOCKING NEWS STUNS NATION

An anonymous source from within the Hopeless SC government special forces revealed today that after the Wanderers match with Dance 2 Revolution, that shots were fired at the Dance 2 Revolution bus by undetermined parties. The government didn't want the news to leak to prevent having to investigate. It is unknown if any Dance 2 Revolution players were injured. It had been recommended that they bring extra security personel to protect their team, but the warning appears to have gone unheeded. How likely is it that the Hopeless SC government will find the perpitrator? This reporter doesn't think it's likely that they'll seriously try to in retaliation for the career-ending injury suffered by Alan Bell in the World Cup opener in Dance 2 Revolution.

Daehanjeiguk

30-11-2007, 08:54

Candelaria And Marquez

30-11-2007, 13:52

The Candelariasian Online/News in Brief

Bench boys struggle to supply second string to Baker’s bow A C&M second eleven secured a draw and a half-share of the ‘And Trophy’ on its first contest after a spirited clash in Kartick, Nire and Nire.

With a team showing nine changes from the two-nil win in Isangad struggled for early fludity in an intimidating, though far from openly hostile, atmosphere. Commentators on this side of the pacific avoided a minor nightmare when midfielder John Roderiquez Manot Huns Intiole Berket only hit the post after a fine passing move that pulled the Candelariasian midfield apart minutes into the game. Rusty Katic in his first C&M start then missed a golden opportunity to take his first international goal after Surry Guryinwer contrived to divert the ball into the onrushing Radyukevich striker’s path. He could ultimately find only a weak shot that ‘keeper S B held easily.

On twenty-five, Fred Ma playing in an unacustomed posistion on the wide right was drawn into a foul by Cooker Veryou. A simple training yard routine proved effective for the home side as Prontio Maximus feinted over the free kick to allow El Commando Nire to smash the ball untended into Paolo Thorpe’s net.

The more experienced visitors began to gain the upper hand as the central pairing of Matteo Corradini and Reiban Okeke found their Di Bradini Cup form, but half-term dirupted their flow and N&N came back out all guns blazing. Maximus had a shot blocked by Juan Carlos Revault which bobbled just wide of Thorpe’s upright on fifty, while C&M were soon after no less guilty of failing to capitalise on poor defending, Stuart Vidakovic this time culpable.

Mark Baker was just in the process of listing his desired substitutions with the fourth official when his blushes were saved when Doug Szczechowicz and Zachary Pinkowski exchanged passes down the left before the latter – a stand-out player for struggling El din Marbles this season – thwacked a shot high into the top corner.

Neither side could break the deadlock before the ninety minutes was up and the trophy was shared, with a Candelaria And Marquez Association Football Association insider admitting that the away side’s flight plans had failed to take into account the possibility of extra time and penalties.

This embarrasment aside, Mark Baker appeared all smiles following the match. “It was an important opportunity for some of our players – and some of their’s I’m sure – to get a taste of competative international football. We were playing in difficult cercumstances here – naturally Nire, especially these days, is a more daunting destination than Nire – but although I can’t be 100% happy with the scoreline nor performance; it was certainly a worthwhile exercise. No doubt we’ll be inviting them over to the Candelarias in due course.”

Baker was less willing to heap praise on individual players, and few seem to have made a great impression in Kartik. Certainly, the XI for the Kiryu-shi clash looks set to be Martinez – Jordan, Young, Fu, De Wilde – Caras, Cassumba Domingos, Head, Corradini, Cornelisse – Vélez.
____________________________

Pathology Department, Albrecht Special Hospital, Central Albrecht, Candelaria

“You had a body come in, a little over an hour ago?” the new arrival asked, in brusque but not unreasonable tones.

“We do tend to. I don’t know why, but for some reason they just keep sending us ‘em.”

“Ah, sarcasm. I can see you’re going to be a joy to cooperate with. I’m Mr. Cooper, this is Mr. Hammad. ‘Charlie’ will do though. And, sorry, you’re..?”

The pathologist sighed inwardly. “Ms. Rohaert. Uh, Sukie.”

Somehow, Sukie had never got the hand of telling people her name. Rohaert was bad enough; a Belgian name, she believed, but one that could not be said without the sayee coming across as slightly evil. It had an intrinsic cat-stroking, jackboot-wearing quality about it. And then to offset it she was cursed with Susannah, a name that always seemed unfriendly coming out of her lips. So she’d settled on Sukie, which was even worse, on reflection, being rather too inviting. Cuddly. Sukie was many things, but she did not exude cuddliness.

The speaker was a tall, blond man with a majestic bearing and a superbly plummy accent. He was followed closely by another gentleman of Middle Eastern extraction. Neither was wearing a uniform, but there was a clear sense of officialdom about them. An Arab in a suit certainly spoke ‘secret service’ to Sukie.*

“I’m going to take a wild punt here you’re talking about the little fella,” she told them both.

Hammad grinned. “Mind if we take a butchers?”

She gestured for them to follow her into the mortuary room where she shooed Mike away and unzipped the body bag. Cooper and Hammad grimaced.

“My…” Cooper muttered. “There’s a face only a mother could… well, leave out for the vultures for the sake of the species…”

Sukie felt the instinctive need to speak out on behalf of the corpse. “It has been bashed about a bit. Plus, we haven’t stuck the skull cap on just yet.”

“It’s Jewish?”

“Technical term. It’s a He, by the way. Very much a He, actually. Certainly not a bad advertisement for his… species.” She let the big pause hang in the air like a hoverfly**. She clocked their faces. “Oh, come on. I’ve been working in this city for, ooh, nigh on a month. I’ve seen plenty of bodies, one way or another, and you’re not telling me our pal here is a fully paid-up member of the human club. Between you and me… It’s a gnome, isn’t it?”

“I’d have thought, Sukie, you’d have grown out of gnomes at primary school. Along with the elves and pixies and Miceland.”

“Okay, yeah. So those chaps I saw knocking back bacardi breezers in the Saracen’s Bed a couple of years back when their football team was over here..?”

“Sufferers of endemic non-neurological congenital hypothyroidism, Sukie Hardly ‘gnomes’.”

“Whatever. All I know is, having had a wander through his innards, there’s no way he’s human. I’m not going to buy that what’s inside his skull is merely down to having been bashed about the bonce. Never mind the structure of his actual brain.”

“Just concentrate on the facts, Sukie,” Cooper pressed. “You’re suggesting that it was a homicide?”

“Gnomicide,” Sukie corrected him with a sly smile. “I don’t know. Possibly. The damage to his hands is more consistent with a heavy fall; both wrists have been broken and I don’t think intentionally. There’s no truncheon injuries, but his skull’s been shattered, at the front. If he was attacked, he didn’t put up much of a fight. Where was he found, do you know? Bottom of a fifty-foot drop, or..?”

“I’m not at liberty to disclose that information, Mzz. Rohaert,” Cooper told her primly.

Sukie rolled her eyes. She was hardly a Worker’s Party supporter or anything, but at times like these she was thankful for C&M’s status as something of a lower-middle-class paradise. She couldn’t bare toffs like Cooper, the sort of people who had a little man or dozen to do everything for them. Who possessed a weekly subscription to Horse, Hound and Crown magazine***. Who’d read the birth announcements in the local paper so they could grumble happily at those godawful parents who cursed their girls with names like Jaylah, Star, or, indeed, Liberty; but who themselves would think nothing of christening their own chinless progeny as Mungo, Araminta or Lettice.

“If it was the actual attack that killed him – assuming there was an attack – it must have been an extremely heavy blow,” she added, apropos of nothing. “Inhuman strength required, really.”

“Ms. Rohaert, I really don’t think it’s wise for you to continue this line of thought, you –”

“O-kay, Coops…” the silent Hammad interjected. He turned to Sukie. “Thank you for your time, doctor. You’ve been most helpful…”

~

“For heaven’s sake, Charlie, you didn’t have to get that much in character.”

“I don’t merely act, Hammad, I become.”

Hammad shared a mutual eye-roll with his boss. “Sir, I’m absolutely positive she knew more than she was letting on. She’s got the evidence you need, I’ve no doubt. But I don’t know how we’re going to get it out of her… She didn’t exactly warm to us.”

Mark Baker smiled. “I’m sure you’ll manage, lad. Employ those swarthy masculine wiles of yours on the girl. But do whatever it takes. I need to know what she knows. Yesterday.”

~

*Try pretending to be Chris Eubank. It enhances most life experiences, I find.

**Technically, hoverflies hover. But hover in the air like a hangfly doesn’t make any sense.

***Sukie also got HH&C every Tuesday. But only for the obituaries.

Cafundeu

30-11-2007, 16:48

Az-cz

30-11-2007, 17:27

Noz-Tf was enjoying his retirement. He'd taken up ranching doom bugs, started visiting exotic locales with his wife for pleasure rather than for work, and was able to enjoy the football matches in and of themselves rather than as part of running the federation. The retirement also meant he was able to catch a lot of the matches. Of course he saw all the Az-cz games but many of the others. But there was one thing that really bugged him. Unfortunately he'd have no way to address it himself, so he wrote to a friend and colleague over in Bazalonia, Andrew Coulter. He wrote the following letter:

Dear Andrew,

How's the qualifying campaign going? Second place after nine games is pretty good, though those Elves look tough. I'll be pulling for you guys once again. If we can't repeat maybe you can get a taste of what it's like to snare a cup for yourselves. But it will be tough going. Hope things work out. Retirement's a pretty sweet gig. Life's going well here.

I have a small favor to ask of you. As I'm sure you're aware Az-cz and the Archregimancy are not on the best of terms. But I've been following their matches and there's one thing that really puzzles me; How can they show humility when they're not trying to win? It seems to me that true humility can only be forged when you try your best and still come up short. If you're not trying and fail you can also claim that you could've done better with proper effort. Many people use just that excuse to protect their egos and avoid learning any humility. So I'd like you to use your contacts and find out about that for me. Thanks.

A friend in Az-cz,

Noz-Tf

Az-cz

30-11-2007, 18:11

After the friendly with Squornshelous Mei-Do was collecting the uniforms for transport back to Az-cz, but as she was counting them she noticed that the uniform of Youn Ji-Hyun was missing. She was a little bit alarmed by that. She knew that as an Az-czzer theft was enough of a possibility that she wouldn't get in trouble for losing it, but was concerned that something unbecoming might be going on. If it was Seoula or El-Iot or Shockey she would've just thought it was football related. But as it was Youn Ji-Hyun, an absolute beauty, and also one of two Az-czzers on the squad not to take part in the national nudity, along with Seoula, there was some concern that it could be a stalker rather than just a football theft. So she knew that she'd better report it and see what was up.

Sorthern Northland

30-11-2007, 19:07

Victory, defeat, Senna kidnapped, nation celebrates

Following an embarressing 5-1 thrashing by St Samuel in Castrograd, Sorthern Northland fans are celebrating widely. This comes after the SNFA attempted to gloss over the defeat by that useless idiot Neuville Senna was kidnapped during the recent viset to The Pazhujeb Islands which the team (minus Senna) returned with a 4-0 victory. The SN government and the SNFA have not released much information with a joint statement saying, "Neuville Senna unfortunatly was unable to return from The Pazhujeb Islands. We do not know why although we do believe it is likly he was kidnapped."

However my sources in The Pazhujeb Islands have told me that he is being held by a group of Pazhujebi voudou's. I have managed to speak to the leader of this Voudou tribe who has told me that they are holding Senna hostage as they believe he is a horder of dark spirites and is behind a recent spate of alledged giant mosquito attacks on villages of Fajr Island. The Sorthern Northland government has issued a plea to The Pazhujeb Islands government asking for player to be returned although they don't seem to botherd about chasing it up. Fans meanwhile are delerious with many seeing it as a chance for someone decent such as 'The Haitian' to be put into the squad.

Meanwhile in the group Sorthern Northland sit in third place with games to go including tough games against, Demot, Northern Bettia and Oliverry.

Tynelia

30-11-2007, 21:23

“Agent Jones, this is Agent White- are you there sir?”

“Yes Agent White I am here, how goes your progress?”

“Slow sir, Maximov is ranting against the whole Sainthood incident, most folk are ignoring him. Coach keeps telling him to worry about the game, he had a big mistake in the Geisenfried match that ended up in a goal.”

“I don’t care about that Agent White. Any sign of the religious nuts on the team? Our sources are certain there is one.”

“Well sir, there is a rumor going around the team that Ellis and Mitchell may have something going on between them. Not that that really makes much difference but that’s the only gossip I’ve heard around the team.”

“Don’t be too sure of that Agent White, a keeper trying to ‘score’ would be just the sort of tactic one of those nutbags might try if they were forced to become a keeper. Keep an eye on Mithcell. That could be our first lead.”

“But sir I don’t think…”

“That’s right Agent White, that’s why I’m the Jones and you’re the White. Anything else?”

“Just the shipment of porcelain hippos that the team got yesterday, coach handed them out to everyone.”

“What why didn’t you tell me that. The Hippo is the holy animal of those nutbags. Get a trace on the delivery?”

“No sir, it was anonymously sent. But there was that story about the new soccer sponsorship the other day…”

“You’re not there to speculate Agent White, that’s my job. Clearly you don’t understand how clever these religious nuts are. They probably took advantage of that story to send in their religious icons to corrupt and distract the team. Odd that they arrived just have their saint thing was done wasn;t it?”

“Sir, I…” <pause> “Sir someone is coming I have to go.”

“Very well, report back at the designated time, and get me more intel on Mitchell.”

<click>

Wentland

30-11-2007, 23:56

Daily Monitor
OLIVER FREE!!!

Wentland midfield dynamo Kita Oliver was today freed from kidnap by the Cafundeu Mafia. Full story to follow...

The Telescope
OLIVER FEARED DEAD

Wentland midfield buzzbomb Kita Oliver is today feared dead, murdered by the Cafundeu Mafia. Full story to follow...

Morning Clarion
OLIVER BELIEVED SAFE

Wentland midfield maestra Kita Oliver is believed to be safe, in a safe house owned by the Cafundeu Mafia. Full story to follow...

Daily Gossip
FEELING A RIGHT TIT!

Busty blonde Babe Rainbow holds a beautiful great tit in support of the Free Kita Oliver appeal from your soaraway Gossip! Keep buying those badges! One farthing of every guinea goes to pay for our restless search for the magnificent midfielder.

Bazalonia

01-12-2007, 00:52

"Ooo, here's letter for you. Seems important ... and it's from Az-cz, oh I love those darling gnomes."

She starts to open up the letter...

"Mum, what are you doing?"

"I'm reading the letter."

"but it's addressed to me."

"Yes, and I'm your secretary and your mother and so I'll read your mail."

Andrew sighed when she was like this there was nothing he could do short of beating her up.. and no that wasn't an even option it would become so much worse.

"Oh, it's from that darling Noz-Tf."

"Mum, can I please have my letter back."

The letter was passe to it's intented recepient.

"Hmm... I'll need to talk to the AIOCB. See what they say about this."

Dear Noz-Tf

Thank you for the letter, it's been a while since we were able to properly get together. I've been able to do some research, talking with AIOCB, the Bazalonian Orthodox Church and I think the concept of the Archregimancy attempting to lose all their matches is basically a modern version of self-flogging that mainly "heretical Catholics" performed in the middle ages but also a number of groups of Monks took to the concept of whipping themselves to show their devotion. They are taking this concept and applying it to the football field, by performing this act of piety they are denouncing there own selves before God, and not before Man as which seems to be a common miss-conception.

I hope that helps and perhaps, would you like to spend some time withus here over in Bazalonia?

Vephrall

01-12-2007, 02:01

{MD10 RP cutoff}

Qazox

01-12-2007, 04:25

DEC 12 1933 (Qazox City, Qazox)

Great day for us, despite the fact that now 5 players are having problem with the Bionics. Fry, Tripp, Griffey, Brauer and Serra are now all experiencing problems. Deaton played well in net and Roop, Morehouse and Yuzuki Reed all managed to score, giving us a 3-1 win over Turori, and placing us 5 points ahead for qualification. Stephen Cork had a great game as well, with 3 assists. The Under-27 players are not having any of the problems the Over-27ones are. Perhaps it's the adjustability of the younger player's immune system or something else enitrely.

The results from Ty Reed are not back yet, but the preliminary reports are that he has extra DNA. How is such a thing possible? Perhaps he is an alien or an advanced being. Until his tests are fully completed, Dr. Hadel cannot continue with the bionic implants.

Well up next is trips to Endmile and Onimar, we should have clinched a World Cup berth by the time we get back home against Az-cz. But we're not taking anything for granted, at least not on the road away from the Lab. So as a precaution, only the players under 27 will go on this trip.

(OOC: So if someone RP's before me, please use only players under 27 from my Roster!)

SCORING SUMMARY:
(Qazox) Patsy Roop- 34', Stella Morehouse- 67' (PK), Yuzuki Reed- 86'
(Turori): 52'

Green wombat

01-12-2007, 04:35

Jason Vallens World Cup Blog:

Matchday 10 vs Nire and Nire

A gutsy performance today from Jill Caffey, who scored both Green Wombat goals, despite recieving a leg injury in the first half. SHe was tripped by N&N's Jus Intior in the 7th minute. The foul surprisingly didn't warrant a Yellow card, but Caffey refused to subbed for. Int he 38th and 70th minutes, she scored off of corner kicks, limping after each goal. Finally in the 78th minute she came out of the match, but not until the crowd seranaded her with cheers.

SCORING SUMMARY:
Green wombat: Caffey- 38'
Green wombat: Caffey- 70'

The win keeps the Wombats mathmatically in contention for the World Cup. But being 11 points back of the final spot, with only 4 matches to go, it would take a miracle to earn a berth.

In other Group action: Lovisa snuck into 3rd place with a 1-0 win over Bostopia, Prux eliminated East Lithuania 2-1, and Wentland beat Milchama 2-0.

Up next for the Wombats is @ Bostopia. Our qualification run ends with a loss on the road.

Prux

01-12-2007, 04:51

PRUX' TOP NINE LIST VS. East Lithuania Part 2

#9- Prux wins a home game for the 1st time during these qualifiers, 2-1

#8- The loss eliminated East Lithuania from the World Cup.

#7- Pies R. Round scored first in the 67th minute to make it 1-0.

#6- 007 made it 2-0 in the 76th, basically ending the match.

#5- East Lithuania managed to squeak one past E. Nigma, after he tripped on a rock in the 89th minute, making it 2-1.

#4- The Prawns now have doubled their win total from WC37.

#3- FAST FACT: Pruxian President Peter Griffin is petarded.

#2- The win improves Prux to 2-4-4, still 6th in the group, now only 10 points out of qualifcation, still meaning the Prawns are on the brink of elimination.

#1- The next match is home against Milchama. This is our last chance to pull off a major upset, but it probably won't happen.

TOP TEN LIST (Italics have clinched World Cup Berth)
1- Ariddia (10-0-0) +40 GD (prev #1)
2- Errinundera (10-0-0) +34 GD (prev #3)
3- Az-cz (9-1-0) +35 GD (prev #2)
4- ESF (10-0-0) +27 GD (prev #4)
5- Zwangzug (9-0-1) +27 GD (prev #5)
6- Sel Appa (9-1-0) +31 GD (prev #8)
7- Capitalizt SLANI (9-0-1) +31 GD (prev #6)
8- Cafundéu (8-1-1) +34 GD (prev #8)
9- Bettia (8-0-2) +37 GD (prev #9)
10- Bazalonia (8-0-2) +19 GD (Unranked)
Dropped Out:
Ad'ihan (7-1-2) (Previously #10)

BOTTOM 6:
#6- Bergelland 1-0-9 -19GD
#5- Bumiroar 1-0-9 -22GD
#4- Thundercliffe 0-1-9 -18GD
#3- Pinguinum 0-1-9 -25GD
#2- Rangpur 0-1-9 -31GD
#1- Randovium 0-0-10 -24GD

Waiting list:
Mallatarsland, Hopeless SC, Limbrogidlia, Spaam, East Lithuania, Miceland

Scotchpinestan

01-12-2007, 05:51

All not well for the Scotchpine side
Keith Martin, Douglas Journal

Scotchpinestan has now dropped three consecutive matches to open the second half of qualifying, the latest being a 1-0 defeat at the hands of Taeshan.

The loss, coupled with a win by the suddenly hot Yafor 2 squad, means that Scotchpinestan is now tied with Yafor 2 in the standings. both teams have identical 4-5-1 records, but Yafor 2 has the better goal differential. Both squads, however, are looking up at Kansiov, which sits in third with 16 points after a 1-1 draw with the Holy Empire.

The Holy Empire is Scotchpinestan's next opponent. The Empire won the first match 2-0, but Scotchpinestan is expected to use a different strategy this time. After being blanked in two straight matches, this team is hungry for goals in the worst way. Rumor has it that Rob Xavier and Paulo Salcedo, who play on the left and right side of the midfield, respectively, may carry the ball farther up the pitch. This would almost turn the Scotchpine 3-3-4 into a 3-1-6 alignment. The end result should be more shots on net and a busy day for Dai Davies in the Holy Empire goal.

Players were seen writing the number 3 on their shoes prior to today's practice. When asked what the 3 represented, Salcedo replied, "That's the number of goals we want to score in the next game."

Three goals would seem like quite a reach for a squad that has only found the back of the net eight times in 10 games. But one look at the group 10 standings tells the story: to win, you need to score. The Scotchpine players are taking that to heart, and they are determined to finish their scoring chances against the Holy Empire.

Vephrall

01-12-2007, 06:24

National team gets win in friendly

TUFFIR -- Heavy rain rolling through the area certainly kept attendance down; nevertheless some 37,584 football fans came to Peppatzerris to watch the Vephrall national team's friendly match against Jeru FC. It was the team's first match in seven months, and only the third since the Cup of Harmony final some two and a half years earlier.

The match itself was highly physical, which one would suppose is expected when playing against a team of soldiers in the rain. The relatively lenient Cafundelense referee, Heitor dos Santos, let the whole game be played without sending anyone off, but each side did see a total of five bookings. As usual, Sorrah Wais provided the goals for the home team, both coming after a very early Jeru FC start. Private Grunden January had put the army team in front on a free kick in the third minute; this lead would hold for less than ten minutes before Wais' shot into the bottom right corner of the net. The final goal was a tap-in after Private Rayne Pocock's clearance went a bit off target; Wais intercepted the ball inside the six-yard box and scored easily.

The match resulted in the Vephrese team's first 90-minute victory since the group stage of the Cup of Harmony against Kelssek over three years ago. It is hoped that the team, along with manager Umsaasad Pentove, can build on this success with another friendly win against a yet-to-be-named opponent this December in preparation for what could be a very difficult first run at the World Cup proper.

FINAL SCORE
Vephrall 2 (Wais 12', 59')
Jeru FC 1 (January 3')

Jeruselem

01-12-2007, 08:54

Kate Dallas and Scarlet Ferris were getting a massage in the Jeruselem World Cup training facility. They were lying down on the table (naked of course) getting a good rub down. They enjoyed a massage after a hard days training before the big game against Miceland at Dazza Dallas Stadium. Two men in dark suits appeared, and Kate knew they were government agents. Good thing, they worked for her these days. It wasn't hard to work out who was who getting massaged as the two girls were more easily recognised naked than clothed due to their tendencies for public nudity.

Man 1:
Hi Princess, I'm a government agent. I was here to tell you, we found and arrested Dinkie's attackers.
Man 2:
You recognise these men? (showing the girls some photos of the two men)

Scooter:
Hey, they were in our hotel that day too. They were journalists apparently.
Kate:
Actually, don't they work for one of those evangelists. Always asking me, why I'm a whore.

Man 1: Well, they are journalists and they do work for an evangelist. We spoke to all other team members who were in the hotel on that and they said the same thing.
Man 2:
Apparently, they changed into hotel staff uniform and posed as room service at Dinkie's room. Poor Dinkie didn't know much better and when she was standing at the balcony, she tried to throw her over. She struggled but they eventually did it. They quickly got out of the room and changed back into their normal clothes, and created a false alibi. We studied hours and hours of video, some of it showed them entering Dinkie's room. They actually tried to cover the camera but covered the wrong location.

Scooter:
So? Who were they working for?
Kate:
And are they members of the Restoration of True Morality terrorists?

Man 1:
They haven't confessed anything yet but you know we have our ways to make people talk. I think it was a planned hit job but I don't think their boss was involved. As for those terrorists, we think they are members. We raided their homes and their families are real religious nutjobs.
Man 2:
And guess what, they filmed the entire attack on Dinkie Dosha for themselves. I think we can make them talk and reveal the leaders of these terrorists.

Scooter:
I love you people!
Kate:
It's good to have men like you defending my nation! Can Kate doing anything for you?

Man 1:
Well, thanks for the offer but we have keep on working girls.
Man 2:
Yes, we must keep on working. Our wives don't like us hanging around with girls like you anyway especially dressed like that. Well, you're not dressed.

Kate:
Yes, go get those terrorists. I want each and everyone of them crucified very soon. No mercy for those who prey on the weak because they can't take on the their opponents directly due to cowardice. They don't want to take the government on directly because they know they don't have the public support they need.
Scooter:
Hey Skate, you're talking like a Roman Empress now.

Kate:
I will be, me and my man will sweep away the old tainted ways. If I have to march the Roman army into battle to create a new Jeruselem, so be it. In my Jeruselem, people will have voice but their voice, not the voice vested interests spreading hate and dissent because it's the way of the past. These people want their women sitting at home with the kids with no social contact other than the family and church, while the hypocritical men sleep around with prostitutes. They want their women dumb, ignorant, uneducated and with no opinion and material assets. They want to shield the kids from so-called evils like pornography but cover up any sexual misconduct in their own communities. These people don't want True Morality, they want women to be slaves to their church. It's not about protecting the family, it's about preserving their false power base over their women.
Man 1:
You're going be an interesting Queen of Jeruselem.

Kate:
So I'm just a whore then?
Man 2:
Well, I can see the Ariddian in you coming out there. Yes, you are still a whore but you're Jeruselem's national whore.

Scooter:
Well, Kate? I'll take the job as assistant whore!
Kate:
I do it for Jeruselem. Putting my body on the line for my people, someone's got to do it. I'm taking over from my mother, she put Jeruselem on the map but I'm making Jeruselem look bigger on the map!

A naked Kate Dallas then jumped off the table, kissed both the government agents and ran off to the nearest telephone to ring her mother.

Scooter: Don't worry, she does that all the time!
Man 2: Can I have a job here?

Nire and Nire

01-12-2007, 10:16

Nire and Nire on Verge of Elimination

After a promising start to World Cup 38 qualifying the Disputed Territories is one loss away from elimination and even maximum points in its remaining four matches may not be enough to secure a spot at football's international showpiece. Yesterday Nire and Nire fell 2-0 to Green Wombat, reversing the 3-1 win recorded in Sentu on Matchday 3. Nire and Nire has now gone 7 matches without recording a win, a sequence which has included 5 tough away matches against quality opposition. Lexit Sohot refused to show at the post-match press conference and pressure is mounting on the FA to terminate his contract. No-one within the FA was available for comment.

Ends.

Scene: Nire and Nire FA HQ
"You cannot fire me ... this team would be nothing without me"

"You have had your chance Sohot, we have been patient for long enough, the results simply are not good enough"

"Good enough!" screamed Sohot. "We are 5th in our group of 8, I have a team of incompetent fools who do not know the first thing about football, at our first training session they could not identify the ball we would be playing with"

"And who's fault is that Sohot?"

"It's yours! You stacked the team with party cronies. Putting El Nire as striker, the guy is almost 1000 years old and blind in one eye, how am I meant to work under such conditions? Hell, even paying the Cafundeu Mafia to kidnap that Wentland broad could not secure us a result"

"What are you saying Sohot?"

"F**k you, and f**k the FA. I am out of here, good luck trying to find someone to take on this team

Nire and Nire

01-12-2007, 10:22

Breaking News: Sohot Parts Company From Nire and Nire

It is understood that Lexit Sohot has been fired by the Nire and Nire Football Association after a run of poor results by the National side. Sohot's position was under intense scrutiny following a run of seven matches without victory and the axe finally fell late last night sources close to the FA have revealed. A press conference will be held later today where the FA is expected to confirm the termination of Lexit Sohot's reign as manager. Sohot has led the Nire and Nire Bulls since the national side came into being for last summer's Baptism of Fire. In all, Sohot managed the side for 21 matches with a 7-3-11 record. In an unprecedented move, the FA is also expected to announce that no manager will be appointed to replace Sohot until the conclusion of the World Cup qualifiers, what this means for the Bulls is unclear, although their run is almost over. One more loss and the dream of World Cup 38 is over. Neither Sohot or the FA were available for comment.

Candelaria And Marquez

01-12-2007, 13:31

The Candelariasian Online/News in Brief

Poor Blues to rue missed chances Mark Baker admitted his side were “far from World Cup-standard quality” after they slumped to a 2-1 defeat to Kiryu-shi. Though C&M’s international captain Benji Fu defended the team’s performance away from home against a side who qualified for the last WC in Ad’ihan and Ulospavan, his manager was less willing to be charitable after the result which brought the Gabbly state to within three points of C&M. The Big Blues now have four games in which to secure their qualification ahead of their rivals with a daunting trip to Zemyzha Myzhent and the visit to Albrecht of Jeruselem to come.

On their first visit to the Sakaino University Stadium, C&M seemed frequently blinded by the stunning visage of twenty-thousand local fans dressed in their team’s shimmering white kits and were a step behind the play throughout the early stages. Worse, the taller and more physically powerful home side dominated their opponents in a way that had not been possible at the MSS and clearly had the number of the Candelariasian side exhibiting only one change from the 2-0 victory in Albrecht.

The back four of Walter Jordan, Fu, Sam Young and Lorenzo De Wilde defended as stoutly as ever but they were given an unwholesome amount of work to do by their team-mates as Ben Head and Matteo Corradini in the centre of midfield became increasingly overrun. Kiryu-shi themselves struggled to create clear-cut chances despite their control, relying on testing Oberon Martinez with headers from corners.

The Turks’ Club ‘keeper proved equal to those, but a Kiryu-shi opener was only a matter of time, the advanced midfielder making a fool of the C&M right-back Jordan and drawing Martinez helplessly forward to slip the ball comfortably passed him.

Happily for the several hundred Candelariasian fans – who included among their number Sakaino students and locals with distant relations in the Candelarias – the away side found a scrappy equaliser at the perfect moment just before half-time. A low, hopeful effort from José Felipe Cassumba Domingos was pushed out to the feed of O’Sullivan Caras by the Kiryu-shi ‘keeper who then earned his match fee with a superb save on the follow-up. Jos Cornelisse however played the ball back towards the near post and Ignacio Vélez – who else? – scored from barely a yard out.

It seemed the tide had turned and it was clear to see who was in the ascendancy as the teams marched out for the second-half by body language alone. The central midfield three of Head, Corradini and Cassumba Domingos were unchanged but looked an altogether different group as they carved out chance after chance for Vélez. Twice the Marquez-Onwere man hit the woodwork and twice he failed to shoot straight under pressure. The home side meanwhile were being forced to rely on long balls, but their tactics told when the lanky substitute striker collected his ball on his left, beat the hapless Jordan all-ends-up and, with Fu chasing in his wake, hit a gorgeous curving shot into the top corner.

He had an opportunity to make it a brace twice more, Fu being ultimately responsible for stopping him. The second challenge earned the captain a yellow card that will see him miss his first ever competitive C&M international, in Zemyzha Myzhent. It is a fate he will share with O’Sullivan Caras who was also booked for an angry late challenge. Juan Carlos Revault and Fred Ma look set to come into the side instead.

As befit the game, C&M had one final chance on the ninetieth minute to draw level for their third away draw of the campaign, but substitute Yasser Zaghloul’s knock-down was pushed away from danger by the ‘keeper before Vélez could get a toe to it.

Lottery to decide away fans The CMAFA has confirmed that a lottery of C&Mfans members will decide the 120 permitted to travel to Zemyzha Myzhent for the next qualifying match. The notoriously insular state has tough rules regarding immigration, no matter how temporary, and CMAFA chairman Owen Jones has told TV1 that this method, suggested by the government, would represent a fairer way of picking the make-up of C&M’s support than simply rewarding the most prolific of past travellers.

~

Ealier…

Walter Jordan, Benji Fu and O’Sullivan Caras folded their arms petulantly in front of the coach. Fu cleared his throat.

“Sorry, gaffer, but, um… I’m afraid we have to employ our constitutional rights here. We are not going to be turned into mice.”

Baker sighed. “Is it just you three then, or do I have a Juan Carlos revolt on my hands?”

The trio looked shifty. “Um. Not wanting to seem wussy or owt, but, it’s just us three… Ollie and Jords are of the opinion that it’s ungodly to reject one’s godgiven form…”

“And you, Benj?”

“I… Don’t want to be turned into a mouse, frankly sir. You hear things… About people not being able to be turned back, y’know? It’s going to be kinda hard for me to play the drums if I’ve got whiskers, y’know? And frankly, given that we’ve spent the last six years lying to friends and family about this sort of thing – without being paid extra, I might add… I feel we’re owed a bit of leeway.”

Baker nodded. “Fine. Get booked, you two. Jords, I’ll just have to drop you in favour of Nic or something. Gowon then. Run along.”

The three left Baker’s temporary office in Kiryu-shi sheepishly. Baker cursed quietly. “Bloody mice,” he muttered.

Candelaria And Marquez

01-12-2007, 13:59

~

Elsewhere, later

Or possibly ealier, not entirely sure

May have been at more or less the same time, actually, come to think of it

Certainly elsewhere, however

“So… You come here often?”

“No.” This didn’t appear to be enough. “I’m a lesbian,” Sukie offered helpfully. The boy deflated somewhat, in a variety of ways, and nodded.

“Right. You’re sure?”

“Sorry.”

“No, no. Quite alright. Sorry to bother you.” He brushed down his blond spikes absentmindedly and wandered off back to his giggling gaggle of mates.

Sukie uncharacteristically allowed herself to feel a tad sorry for the lad, who was currently getting pelters from his equally bladdered associates. She’d lied, of course, on both accounts. For one thing; the technical term was ‘sezbian’, and was much for his benefit as hers. For a nation which still in so many ways had the St.George cross tattooed to its soul, or at least its kidneys, Candelaria And Marquez folk took it pretty easy when it came to alcohol. Sukie took it for granted that the young kid was thoroughly unused to heavy boozing and was wearing solidly reinforced beer goggles. Any other explanation for his interest complicated life a little too much.

She’d also half lied about the ‘coming here often’ bit. Granted, this particular bar didn’t seem too familiar; the district of Songstress being a little far out of her normal way. But her usual haunts in Balfour Street in central Albrecht were basically carbon copies of this place, or vice versa. She loved it. The constant noise, the web of conversations that crisscrossed the room. Humanity in the raw. You couldn’t get much different from where she spent most of her time, and as long as no-one had the audacity to actually talk to her; this was where she felt most at ease in the whole of the city. It gave her space to think. It was easier when the corpses weren’t watching your every move. Here, no-one cared about the bony youngish woman nursing a pint in a distant corner.

Her eyes moved back to the entrance just as Hammad walked in. He caught a glance of her and ambled over.

“You alright for liquid?”

She nodded to her glass. “I’m guessing you’re going without?”

“It is all rather part of the deal, sadly,” he admitted. He pulled out the other seat at the table, and sat down the wrong way round on it, straddling the backrest. Sukie inwardly rolled her eyes. Cocky bastard. That, or he’s subconsciously trying to reconnect to a happier infancy spent in high-chairs, swings and car booster seats. She lent in.

“Presumably all this is so no-one hears us, Detective?” she asked, gesturing to the assembled revellers.

“Yeah. Sorry t’drag you out this way, but it’s proper noisy, innit? And, um, ‘Jerry’ will do fine, Sukie.”

“Jerry?”

“Jeries Mohmmad Jamil Al-Reishea Hammad, if you want to get technical about it. Jerry’ll do. Why’re you so sure it was a gnome?”

Sukie allowed herself a smile. This wasn’t someone interested in friendly chit-chat. That worked for her. “Because it wasn’t human. Not a chance. Everything I said back there stands off the record too. I don’t care how far or hard he fell, or was kicked to death, or whatever. Nothing could do that much damage. He would’ve had to have lived in that condition since birth, and I just can’t see any human baby being kept alive more than a fortnight with those innards. Besides, he wasn’t the first.”

Jerry made a surprised face. “No?”

“No. I had one a few months back. Younger, better condition. About the same time as a whole posse of ‘little people’ came over here. Couple’a your types came in and got him off me before I had the chance for a good look, but… Look, I know you’re sceptical, everybody is, but I’ve been sticking my hand inside dead bodies since I was eight years old. I know what I’m talking about.”

“Hey, look, it’s not me you have to convince, I… Eight?”

“My hamster. Oh, don’t look at me like that, it was educational. Didn’t you ever take things apart when you were a kid to see how they worked?”

“My wind-up-and-swim plastic penguin, possibly. I wasn’t going around plucking the still-beating heart out of m’guinea pig, I must say…”

“Hamster. It was already dead. Really good piece of work though. I kept that heart in a tin for a week, until Garth Christensen nicked it off me to give to bloody Ciara Annicchero. God knows what he saw in that podgy cow…”

“Um. You weren’t at all concerned about the poor thing’s immortal soul?”

“Oh, that boy would steal anything that wasn’t nailed down. Ended up doing time for it…”

“I meant your chinchilla.”

“Hamster. No, Jerry. On the whole, I don’t think they make it into heaven; heart still intact or not. Solomon’s ant, the calf of Abraham, Balaam’s ass and Sukie Rohaert’s hamster Goebbels II. Don’t remember the last bit from comparative religion.”

“Gosh, a penchant for rummaging in small furry creatures’ insides and a working knowledge of Mohammed’s Paradise. How’re you still single? Goebbels II?”

“Replacing the gerbil. It was meant ironically, I think. We had a rabbit called Crippen.”

“Oh. Ours was called Lettuce.”

Sukie snorted into her pint. “Obviously I had you two the wrong way round,” she muttered.

“Sorry?”

“It doesn’t matter. Look, I can only assume you’re still here because you want something further from me, so…”

Jerry cut to the point. “D’you know a man called Mark Baker?”

Sukie contorted he features into her bemused face. It wasn’t an expression she used overly often. “I’m guessing you’re not referring to national football manager?”

“Actually, yes. Mr. Baker, my employer, has… seen things. Been places. And suffice it to say he’s not been happy with what he’s found. You know as well as I do, clearly, that the government have been lying to us… For a long time…”

“And the issue’s finding the evidence?”

“Not as such. He’s got plenty of that. But there needs to be other sources, people who’ll back him up when he goes public with this. Here.” He handed her a piece of paper. Sukie unfolded it.

“Mort…? The Ministry of Rational Thought? Wow, not too self-indulgently sinister or anything?”

“Mr. Baker will meet you there, four in the afternoon, a week from now. You’ve kept copies of the exam charts for your various relevant subjects?”

“My various…?” She paused. “Yes. Of course. Safely tucked away.”

Jerry nodded and rose to his feet. “He’ll see you there, then.”

“But…” Sukie began. But the man had already marched out of the before she’d thought of a plaintive question.

Tynelia

01-12-2007, 15:03

Brother James, head of the New Othydoxic Christian Church of Reborn Othydoxy, sat back with a smile as the news came in of the Lord of Scores continued blessings on the Tynelian squad in its 5-0 triumph. He was equally pleased that the hated Archregimancy was still out of the playoffs were things to end today, a fitting continued sign of the Lord of Score’s wrath when coupled with their failure to qualify last Cup as well. However his good mood was interrupted when Brother Alexander ran into his office with an upset look on his face.

“Brother James! Have you heard what blasphemy Brother John is trying to spread about the Lord of Scores?”

“No Bother Alexander, what is he up to now?” Borother James replied knowing that Brother John was apt to come up with the oddest things from time to time.

“He dares imply that the Lord of Scores is present in other sports besides soccer as is just and proper.” Brother Alexander explained in an outraged tone.

“WHAT!?! This can’t be.”

“I am afraid so Brother James, he claims that other sports as well believe in the Almighty score and so they too must be guided by the Lord of Scores.”

“I can’t believe it, where is he Brother Alexander.”

“Outside the Holy soccer pitch where today’s services are being held.”

Without a further word Brother James ran past Brother Alexander to the nearby pitch where today’s congregation was warming up. Arriving there in a few minutes Brother James caught the end of Brother John’s latest comments.

“… does not the announcer scream that the hockey player Scores, when he shoots the puck past the net. When you watch baseball, football or even basketball do not people ask what is the Score? Truly this is the Lord of Scores at work.”

“Brother John stop right now!” Brother James thundered pointing an accusatory finger at the preaching brother.

“Brother James, have you come to share in the illumination of just how widespread the Lord of Scores truly is?” Brother John asked calmly.

“This can not be Brother John, listen to yourself. The Lord of Scores and the Prophetess Margaret are clearly here to aid in matters of soccer and soccer alone. Not these other sports.”

“Brother James, I too once thought that but then I realized that our thinking ins too narrow. Is not basketball with its hundreds of points scored, not a truer discipleship of the Lord of Scores than soccer where but one or two scores are expected. Does not football grant the gift of a half dozen scores with but a single act? Should we not embrace these sports as part of our mystery as well as soccer?”

Then Brother David interrupted. “Football is not a fit sport for the Lord of Scores, nor is hockey- heretical sports both. Does not the Lord of Scores appear in the form of a round soccer ball as Saint Michael did declare in his conversion? Basketball, baseball, volleyball- yes these can be seen as signs of the same Lord of Scores as interpreted by the individual but in no way should we condone the oddly shaped football or even the flat hockey puck.”

Brother James then retorted, “You are almost as foolish Brother David. The Lord of Scores is the holy soccer ball, just because something else is round as well does not make it his sign. Have anyone from these other sports tried to join the Church? No, only those of the true soccer faith are here. Now so soon after Saint Michael’s ascension thing to the land of the Penalty Kicks- a soccer term mind you, does the Church become torn asunder by your misbelieve?”

Brother John then responded in kind, “Does not hockey possess a penalty shot? A misnaming of the holiest of soccer events no doubt but just as truly a sign that it is a true path of the Lord of Scores.”

Noticing a crowd was gathering Brother James decided to end this once and for all. “Enough! It is clear that we should not sully the holy soccer pitch with our arguments as we shall setlle nothing here. Brother John, Brother David, I insists we call together a RPMM that all the leaders of the faith can come together and settle this dispute once and for all so the Church can continue in its growth. We three shall stand in support of our othydoxys so the faith can be united as one as it has until this day.”

“RPMM?” Brother David asked.

“Religious Policy Making Meeting, Brother David.” Brother John replied then adding. “Of course as one of such a mealy mouthed half and half belief I am not surprised you are unaware of our inner workings.”

As Brother David began to reply he was interrupted by Brother James. “No more my brothers, such a comment was unworthy of you Brother James. Now let us agree to act as proper othydoxyians and watch the holy match about to take place in the name of the Lord of Scores, something at least we can all agree on.”

“Very well Brother James, it shall be done. My apologies Brother David for my hasty words. They were not proper for a monk of the faith.”

“I accept your apology Brother John. Now let us pray as the opening kick has been made.” Brother David relented.

Bowing their heads, the monks lowered their heads in prayer as the match begun.

Ariddia

01-12-2007, 15:07

Ariddian Isles qualify

With a string of ten consecutive wins, the Ariddian Isles have snatched up one of the thirty-two berths in the World Cup finals, following a 5-1 trouncing of Ch’asŭyŏn at Wavecrest City Stadium. The team from the Capitalizt nation and their supporters were welcomed warmly in the remote ( http://img223.imageshack.us/img223/8343/ariddiamaplargeisldnameaj4.jpg) city of Wavecrest.

Ariddian singer Chang Xue (http://209.85.135.104/search?q=cache:cECJB_1nL0kJ:ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Chang_Xue+NSwiki+Chang+Xue&hl=fr&ct=clnk&cd=1&gl=fr), born in the Unified Capitalizt States, sang the two national anthems at the start of the match, before the Rouge-et-Noirs performed the ulek. Ms. Chang was booed by a small number of Capitalizt supporters, but applauded by many others.

http://img115.imageshack.us/img115/1614/changxuemf2.jpg
Chang Xue, the most famous Capitalizt-Ariddian singer

Most Capitalizt supporters were visiting Ariddia for the first time, and were struck by how different it was to their homeland.

“Everything is quite cheap,” one man said. “I noticed that Ariddians help themselves for free at the supermarket, and only we foreigners are asked to pay. But the Ariddians only seem to take what they really need, with perhaps a few luxuries now and then. It’s quite surprising.” He added: “Everybody’s very friendly, despite the ideological differences between our countries.”

Many Capitalizt tourists enjoyed Wueliw island’s beaches; some went diving to explore the spectacular seabed and marine life, while others hiked through the thick, pristine semi-tropical forests pressing in close around the city. Those who had time to spare travelled on to the Ariddian mainland to visit Rêvane.

On the football field, Abdel Mohamed scored the first goal in the twenty-seventh minute, followed by Jamilah Shahrour in the thirty-fifth. Shahrour was booed by a number of Capitalizt fans in the stadium; following her visit to the UCS, she had produced a report highlighting what she called “severe human rights abuses” due to “violent crime, corporate violence but particularly neglect” in Capitalizt society. She had also provided graphic records of “extreme cruelty against animals”. As always, the Ariddian authorities made no official comment on the report.

In the lead by 2-0 at half-time, the Rouge-et-Noirs knew they simply had to maintain that scoreline in order to qualify. Nonetheless, they continued to play with attacking tactics, and Shahrour scored again fifty-three seconds into the second half.

The “Hyesŏngjŭ” (혜성즈) fought back valiantly, and in the sixty-fifth minute Pak Hye-hye scored his side’s first goal, reducing the gap somewhat. A shot on goal by Phanī̀́ Sachtoýrīs eight minutes later was safely caught by Jarl Knudsen.

The final stages of the match left little room for suspense. The Ariddians seemed tireless, sending two more balls hurtling into the Capitalizt net, through Es Chichirua then Abdel Mohamed. When the referee ended the match, the home crowd erupted in cheers. The Rouge-et-Noirs had qualified.

“Qualifying so soon is very good news,” said Ariddian coach Jane Sanderson. “We’re going to continue to take every match very seriously, of course, but this gives us the opportunity to field substitute players among our starters, and give them more experience.”

The Rouge-et-Noirs have hit a new mark with a +40 goal differential, the largest of any team in this Cup so far, ahead of Bettia’s +37. Many Ariddians are hoping their side’s excellent performance is a sign of things to come.

The other qualified teams at this stage are Elves Security Forces, Capitalizt SLANI, Errinundera, Cafundéu and Zwangzug. Fourteen teams have been eliminated.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/the_ariddian_isles.png Ariddian Isles 5-1 Ch’asŭyŏn http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/worldcup/graphics/flags/spaam/JSY/

Daehanjeiguk

01-12-2007, 15:43

Adihan

01-12-2007, 16:36

OOC: KP, you still haven't officially posted the score of the friendly between Kelssek and Ad'ihan...

IC:
Reports: Evans 'to quit post'

The National Enquirer reports shock developments out of AFF headquarters in Ad'ihan, with national manager Luke Evans reportedly agreeing to voluntarily step down from his position as manager at the end of the current qualifying campaign, regardless of where his team finish.

The report states that the relationship between Evans and his bosses at the AFF has become untenable over comments Evans made recently to the media about a perceived lack of support when playing home ties on neutral soil in Orean at Grovers Park. According to the report, senior figures at the AFF had to work hard to convince the Liverpool England Sports Ministry to agree to host the matches in Orean, and when Evans made his comments, they decided to ask Evans to resign if he was unhappy.

The AFF has changed the tentative venue of Ad'ihan's final two home ties to Colonial Stadium in CCL, but it would still mean the team would have to host Bettia in Orean.

This controversy erupts just as Evans' team has taken a hit with a 3-2 loss away to Squornshelous, which dropped Ad'ihan back into third place in the group, three points ahead of The Archregimancy but with a far superior points difference.

When asked, Evans flatly rejected the suggestion that he had been asked to quit and had agreed to do so, but the AFF declined to comment on the matter, suggesting that the report may, to an extent, be right. However, Evans emphasised that he was concentrating on qualifying for the finals. With his contract running out at the end of qualifiers, it is unlikely Evans would resign, and instead just leave his job if not offered a new contract.

Zwangzug

01-12-2007, 16:37

Merano Regency

For a football match not expected to draw a great crowd, there was nevertheless a comparative amount of excitement surrounding the San Adriano-Zwangzug match. The village-nation was the only team to have defeated Zwangzug in the first half of World Cup 38 qualifying matches, and fans half-jokingly speculated if they could repeat the feat on home turf.

Among those fans were several of the Zwangzug high-schoolers studying in San Adriano. Tyler Reynolds was attending his first football match. "It was amazing," he marveled. "To see the way they could just keep going for ninety minutes. The community's very close-knit, so I recognized some of the team: they held their own very well."

Sarah Nelson was impressed by the dedicated support of the home fans. "They're incredibly patriotic-in a good way! My high school graduating class is bigger than this entire country, though, so it's easier to understand how proud these people are of their nation." Also in attendance was Hannah Angstrom, Zwangzug's accredited ambassador to San Adriano (she resides in Ariddia), and her husband, retired Zwangzug footballer Rube Tercer.

The match's result was considerably more predictable than the first leg's. Peter Vanderpent scored in the nineteenth minute, off a long pass from Eddie Barnes, to give Zwangzug a one-nothing lead. But San Adriano's strong defense kept the scoreline there, and the game ended in a mirror image of its predecessor. With the victory, Zwangzug becomes one of the first six teams to clinch a spot in the World Cup proper.

Wentland

01-12-2007, 17:31

Was it a mistake to have the match at Rock Road? The rowdiest, grottiest, most oppressive ground in Wentland football had been chosen as the arena for the home game against group leaders Milchama. It had been hoped that the bearpit atmosphere would intimidate the Milchamans and spur on the concerned Wentland girls towards greater heights. But at half-time it was goalless and Milchama had utterly dominated, sixteen shots, seven on target and only deflections, last-ditch clearances and some outrageous goalkeeping from Kirsten Cassidy had kept the score level. Wentland's only chance was a looping cross from Dougall that swerved towards goal and was easily collected by Dalton.

Norman Hacker pondered his half-time team talk as he left the pitchside. All week the papers had been full of speculation, messages of support for the team, condolences, hopes for rescue. He had barely spoken to them before the match as they were so nervous. And they had looked it.

He entered the dressing room, looked around at the quiet players, and exploded.

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL DO YOU THINK THAT WAS!!! YOU'RE A BLOODY DISGRACE TO THE SHIRT!!! FORTY-FIVE MINUTES AND YOU CAN'T GET OUT OF YOUR BLOODY HALF!!! THAT GIRL IN GOAL IS SAVING YOUR COLLECTIVE ARSE!!!"

The dressing-room was stunned into shock. There were one or two tears. All eyes were on Hacker; none dared look away as he glared through them.

"YOU'RE JUST A BUNCH OF BLOODY GIRLS!!! HOW DARE YOU WEAR THE ROYAL BLUE!!! YOU, KUMBLE, YOU'RE MEANT TO BE THE BLOODY CAPTAIN BUT YOU'RE THE FIRST OFF THE SINKING SHIP THE WAY YOU'RE GOING!!! YOU, CADMAN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!! NOTHING, THAT'S WHAT!!! YOU, MATSUSHITA, YOU'RE MEANT TO BE A FIREBRAND BUT I'VE SEEN MORE HEAT IN A FREEZER!!! IF THE ELECTRONIC BOARD WAS WORKING YOU'D ALL BE OFF!!!"

A sob could be heard. Hacker was nonplussed.

"IF YOU CARRY ON LIKE THIS I WON'T PICK NEWTON, I'LL PICK HIS BLOODY FATHER!! WHO'S 74 AND IN A WHEELCHAIR!!! THIS IS THE BIGGEST SHOWER SINCE MIRA MADE A SEVENTY FOOT JETBLASTER FOR THE RECORD BOOKS!!! I'VE SEEN BETTER ATTACK FROM AN EMBRYO!!! THIS IS ABSOLUTELY BLOODY HOPELESS!!

"What makes it worse," Hacker continued slightly more quietly, "is that Rolt keeps coming forward to support the attack leaving Mitchell exposed. You know he has a bit of a temper. USE IT!!! When Rolt comes forward, whoever has the ball BELT IT OVER HIM and you, Matsushita, run like buggery! And you, Flack, you support her, you're nippy. Notice Kelton doesn't track back? That gives you, Dougall, the chance to exploit that.

"NOW GO OUT THERE AND DO YOUR COUNTRY PROUD!!!!"

***

"Milchama come forward again...but it's half-cleared and Saunders hefts it on...and suddenly there's a chance!!! Rolt's out of position and Matsushita and Flack are on the charge...it's two on two...Matsushita passes it to Flack...who dummies it as DOUGALL IS FLYING ON THE WING...SHE HITS IT!!! OH, MY WORD, WHAT A GOAL!!! THAT CAME OUT OF ABSOLUTELY NOWHERE!!! Rose Dougall...top corner...she was on her own and hurling forward with no marker...."

"WHAT DID I TELL YOU!! Now keep it tight, tight, tight..."

***

"Even Dalton's come up for this one as Milchama look for an equalizer...and Cassidy punches it clear and suddenly there's a chance! Trevisan has 80 yards to run with the ball and there's no-one near her...the sub's still fresh and she's going to finish it off..."

Hacker was delighted by the second goal. That would never happen to one of his teams, he thought. Why go for an equalizer with EVERYone? After all, a 1-0 defeat meant that the head-to-head results would have been the same, but the stripey ones had a better goal difference. Now, Wentland had a 2-1 aggregate lead and would be top of the group...with four qualifying matches to go...but it was still tight, tight, tight...

St Samuel

01-12-2007, 17:59

Bergelland 2-3 St Samuel

The Latin Crusaders continued their fine run of form with a third cosecutive victory over Bergelland and yet another victory for caretaker manager Yves al Jahdali. Many are now calling for al Jahdali to be confirmed as St Samuel's full time manger, but the SSFA are yet to confirm their decision on the new manager.

St Samuel produced a fine display in the first half taking a two nil lead at the half time break, with goals from Mazzeranni and Rocka. The new found confidence showed in the Latin Crusaders performance with some sublime performances from Leo Sensini and Salvatore Rocka. The usual 4-4-2 formation has been replaced by al Jahdali's 3-5-2 formation which looks to be working with Aaron De Villion playing a defensive midfield holding role.

Bergelland got themselves back into the game on the 53rd minute through a penalty but any hopes of a revival were dashed in the 77th minute with a cracking strike from Leo Sensini to put St Samuel 3-1 up. Bergelland got a second minutes from full time with a well placed header from a corner which left Corinthian no chance.

The victory see's St Samuel go into 5th place and another victory could see them go third. But a huge mountain of a task faces them in the form of group leaders Demot, who have been finally began to show their dominance in the group after a superb 6-0 victory over Sorthern Northland.

The task facing Yves al Jahdali, will be a huge test of his managerial skills and a decent result against Demot will surely give the SSFA no other choice to confirm him as full time manager. But al Jahdali is keeping a calm head. "We have grafted three good victories, but the fight has yet to begin. We face Demot, Northern Bettia and Oliverry in our final four games, all very very tough games and we can't afford to drop points now due to our slip up's in the first half of the qualifying period. If we can produce a performance like what we did in our 5-1 win over Sorthern Northland, we may just stand half a chance of scarping something out of the match against Demot."

Casari

01-12-2007, 19:18

"Heerrrre monk! Heerrrre monk monk monk monk!" Newly called up midfielder Rebecca Lornair said, patting her thigh and calling towards the nearest player from the Archregimancy as the teams warmed up.

"Lornair, they're not bloody dogs!" Hill yelled, sighing and rubbing her forehead. These guys might not be bad on the field, but they were just a bit daft.

"Pfft. You work on putting the ball in the net, and I'll work on this, allright?"

Hill sighed. These kids were insane.

---

One to one, deep into the second half. Casari had been maintaining possession for a bit, transitioning their game fore a much more physical style, particularly on defense. And it was working- while a few of the monks had found themselves on their back, only one yellow card had gone in their favor.

The ball flicked across to Rebecca Lornair, just outside the penalty area, who hold it for a minute and dropped a step, sending the ball swinging in front of the goal and off to the right, to a well-placed Peter Danialson, burying it in the back of the net.

---

"Ugh. If I had to pick one thing to change about the Archregimancy, it's the food." Peter said, once the Casaran team was back in their own country and casually strolling towards the parking lot.

"Why?" Rebecca asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Because, they never cool it right. No seasoning either. Damn boring monastic lives."

"That's just being harsh. They're quite entertaining, with their pointless rituals and such."

"It's hard to rag on pointless rituals when you're Catholic, Rebecca." Hill said.

"Aye, but my church endorses booze."

"... point rescinded."

"Thank you."

Sorthern Northland

01-12-2007, 19:35

Defeat blamed on Voudou curse.

Following Sorthern Northland's six nil defeat to Demot, officials have accused the Pazhujebi voudous who are believed to be responsible for the kidnapping of Neuville Senna for the defeat. An official said, "Following our return from the islands all the rubber chickens in Sorthern Northland were found to have a mysterious contamination, and I think it's obvious that these voudous in The Pazhujeb Islands are responsible for this and are trying to get us knocked out. Obviously any contaminted rubber chickens would greatly displease "Margaret" causing her to make us lose. Thankfully though all the contaminated rubber chickens have been recalled and uncontaminated ones are ready to be sacrificed for the Northern Bettia game. And I also urge fans to remeber to wear yellow underwear as it is vital we win our remaining games."

The defeat saw the Sortherners drop out of a qualifying place for the first time in the tournament. Oliverry now sit in third due to goal difference. In the remaining four games SN host fellow qualfication rivals Northern Bettia and Oliverry, as well as the already eliminated Bumiroar. We also have to travel to Bergelland who have also been knocked out.

Stadium News
Meanwhile in some good news for the national team, the SNFA have today said that following damage caused by flooding The James Connolly Stadium should be availble for the final match against Oliverry. The damage was first than first thought and as a result the stadium had to be completly rebuilt. The stadium will be completly new with an increased capicity whilst SNFA officials have said it will look a lot better than the old stadium.

San Adriano

01-12-2007, 23:08

San Adriano fails to repeat exploit

There was definite excitement among the Sanadrianese supporters –a large majority of the country’s population– gathered in the Sanadrianese National Stadium to watch their team take on Zwangzug for the second time. The minuscule nation had achieved the incredible feat of being the only country in the Cup so far to have defeated the Zwangzug side, and many were keen to see whether the impossible could be achieved again.

Sanadrianese hopes were quickly dampened when Peter Vanderpent scored the opening goal for the visiting team in the nineteenth minute, and the home side was forced to try and attack in order to equalise and secure a draw. Consequently the Sanadrianese took more risks than usual, and it took all Federico Pacchiano’s skill as goalkeeper to prevent any other goal. The match ended with Zwangzug in the lead by one goal to nil, a fitting response to the two teams’ previous encounter.

“This was one of our toughest games, and we didn’t do badly,” coach Speranza Marani said. “We have some difficult matches still ahead of us, and I know that if we can keep up this level of performance, we can still win another game.”

At the start of the Cup, such optimism would have seemed misplaced. Now, however, the team in green and red have shown what they are capable of, and an entire country is in the grip of football pride.

“I think they’re wonderful,” said Sabrina Vannucci, the village-nation’s hairdresser, and only Olympic Champion ever. So amazing was Vannucci’s success as a swimmer at the Olympics several years ago now that her portrait was printed on banknotes. For such a small country (so small that crossing the entire territory at a run takes only a handful of seconds), San Adriano has produced far more than its share of impressive athletes.

“In what other country can people say that the players on their national football team are almost all acquaintances, neighbours, even friends?” Vannucci asked. “That’s one of the reasons why we all get so enthusiastic about them. The whole world sees them on TV. We get to chat to them in the village market.”

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/san_adriano.png San Adriano 0-1 Zwangzug http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/zwangzug.png

Milchama

01-12-2007, 23:14

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL WAS THAT?!"

"GODDAMNIT! WE F-CKING LOST! YOU ARE KIDDING ME"

"That was so awful we were dominating that entire game yet it was not a victory"

"That has to be one of the poorest games I have ever seen"

"Agreed, man that sucks, really really hard, we need to do better"

"Yeh"

Cafundeu

01-12-2007, 23:45

OLHO NO LANCE! YOUR SPORTS MAGAZINE!
$PECIAL $ECTION

WORLD CUP 38 QUALIFIERS COVERAGE - WITH GLOBO MULTIMEDIA
Written by Sílvio Ruiz, with comments from TV made by Breno Gavião

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

CLASSIFICADOS!!!!!
E TOME MAIS GOLEADAS!!!!!

http://img98.imageshack.us/img98/2825/campeao200301kr7.jpg
Cafundelenses commemorate easy qualifying

And that’s it! Today, Cafundéu was able to get its easiest qualification to the World Cup! After an easy qualification in World Cup 32 qualifiers, defeating even superpowers like Oliverry and The Lowland Clans, difficult campaigns in 33 and 34 (only qualifying in the last round), a disaster in 35 and a qualification only via playoffs in 37, Cafundéu became one of the first countries to get the qualification for World Cup 38! The main cities of the country prepared parties to commemorate, with much music, alcohol and other things that you would expect. And the qualification came after an easy win against Solenial, at home.

Changes and Absences: Coelho and Índio as starters in the wings.
Formation: very offensive 4-4-2.
Opponent: unknown players.

THE FIRST HALF: Cafundéu’s team was in excellent form, so the players were very confident about getting a positive result. So, in the first minutes, the team wasn’t so determined in attacking, thinking that the goal would be scored sooner or later. After approximately ten minutes, Lauro asked to be substituted. The style of the team continued the same, and Solenial had few changes. But, after a shot of the Hot Dog Seller hit the post, the Monopolists understood that the team needed to score fast. Marcelinho sent the ball to Rato, who invaded the area and shot to score the first goal of the game.

Winning the game, Cafundéu started to control it, dominating the game and trying to cancel Solenial’s chances of scoring. They stopped their opponents from attacking with danger, and counterattacked in an even better style. Coelho ran to the right wing and crossed the ball to Heitor. The attacker headed, the goalkeeper saved, but the rebound returned to the experienced player, who just had to hit the ball with his left foot to score the goal. Then, Cafundéu tried to score again, this time in a long ranged shot by Índio, but the ball went over the bar.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 1 (Rato’s goal): “Eduarrrrrdo Monte gets the ball in the defence and sends it to Marrrrrcelinho in the midfield. The player holds the ball before making a nice pass to Rrrrrato, who is alrrrrready in the attack. He enterrrrrs in the arrrrrea, gets prrrrreparrrrred, shoots... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! A rrrrreplay is coming! Rrrrrato, number eight! Cafundéu one, Solenial zerrrrro! The latest worrrrrd in games technology! The best option for Chrrrrristmas! This is the Fodão videogame! Buy now!”

http://img211.imageshack.us/img211/6356/1482007063020234815flujh1.jpg
Solenial scores with the Hot Dog Seller again

THE SECOND HALF: qualification was closer, as the team only needed to hold the win in the second half. But, the coach Braddock thought, why hold the result, if we can score more goals? So, Cafundéu continued offensive in the second half, and scored a goal after ten minutes. A defender blocked a shot from Lobato, but Flecha took the rebound, dribbled the keeper and shot the ball to the open goal. Solenial acted fast and replied with a goal, scored by the Hot Dog Seller, the same of the game in Solenial.

Braddock decided to put the reserve attackers in the game too, and both showed their abilities, scoring a goal. First, Ferreira entered, and was able to score, taking advantage of a very good pass made by Rato in the midfield. The goalkeeper left the goal to try to stop him, but it wasn’t enough: goal for Cafundéu. Later, Fabrício entered in the match, and scored the most beautiful goal of the game. Anormal crossed the ball to the area, and the attacker hit it with a bicycle kick. There were no more changes in the scoreline.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 2 (Flecha’s goal): “Cafundéu attacking well now, Rrrrrato makes a good pass to Lobato, he can scorrrrre, shoots... the defender blocks! Flecha with the ball now, inside the arrrrrea... faces the keeper, drrrrribbles him, shoots... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Our staff is making the rrrrreplay! Flecha, number nine! Cafundéu thrrrrree, Solenial zerrrrro! The latest news of your favourrrrrite football team, of the worrrrrld football and of many other sporrrrrts are inside Olho No Lance! Your sporrrrrts magazine! Published weekly!”

CURIOUS MOMENTS: everybody knows that Lauro asked to be substituted at the beginning of the game, but does someone know why he did it? You would probably said that he suffered an injury, but this isn’t the truth. He told us the truth, and here it is, in his words: “One day before the game, I ate an empada at night. And today, at lunch, I ate a complete feijoada. When I was playing, I felt something in my stomach. I ignored it but, later, I needed to go to the bathroom. Mother nature called me.” And what about the commemorations? The citizens of Cafundéu participated in a big party, but we could notice a woman with a giant board, with these words written on it: “My Fiat 147 is for sale. If interested, contact me: phone number is 3225-9824.”

JORGE LANG - INTERVIEWS: today is a important day for the National Team, of course. With the qualification at hands, the country is already preparing to watch the team in Kura-Pelland or Vephrall. And I talked to Franz Braddock, who told me: “I am more than satisfied. I was hoping for an easy road to the qualification, but this was great. But this won’t mean that we won’t play with the same will in the last games. After all, we have to get prepared for the World Cup.”

And I also talked with the third goalkeeper Moisés, who had a chance to play in the team after Lauro went to the bathroom. He said: “Thanks to the hotel’s feijoada, which I haven’t eaten, by the way, I was able to play. I guess that Lauro is still in the bathroom, and will stay there in the next two hours.” The midfielder Rato, who is playing really well, said: “Now, with the qualification, we can play our last games without much pressure. But the supporters can expect more good results, as we want to win more points.”

BEST PLAYERS OF THE GAME (Ruiz’s opinion): the Hot Dog Seller tried, but he didn’t play well today. Anormal had a good game as ever, Eduardo Monte was secure in the defence and Heitor commanded the attack. But, again, the best player of the game was Rato, the fast midfielder. And he was able to score a goal today, which is more than deserved. Congratulations!

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 3 (Fabrício’s goal): “Coelho with a good pass to Anorrrrrmal, who drrrrribbles an opponent and goes to the rrrrright wing. Solenial’s full-back isn’t therrrrre, Anorrrrrmal has frrrrree space to rrrrrrun. He crrrrrosses the ball... Fabrrrrrício... wonderful, a bicycle kick! LOOK AT THIS GOAL... look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOLAÇO! For Cafundéu! I want to see this rrrrreplay a hundrrrrred times! Fabrrrrrício, number twenty-thrrrrree! Cafundéu five, Solenial one! Intelligent and crrrrreative gifts! Something that you can’t find in other storrrrres! Come to see our unique gifts, in Adapt Gifts!”

http://img517.imageshack.us/img517/341/1189121237qn7.jpg
Flecha and Índio commemorate goal dancing the “Siri (Crab) Dance”

CAFUNDÉU 5x1 SOLENIAL

Place: Arena América, in Abadia.
Attendance: 100,000 people.
Referee: Franklin Geremund (Zwangzug).
MOTM: Rato (Cafundéu).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Lauro (Moisés 11’); Coelho, Índio, Eduardo Monte and Lobato; Anormal, Marcelinho, Rato and Neto (Ferreira 57’); Heitor and Flecha (Fabrício 72’).
Coach: Franz Braddock.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/solenial.png SOLENIAL: no team released.

Goals:CAF: Rato 22’ , Heitor 38’ , Flecha 55’ , Ferreira 69’ , Fabrício 79’.
SOL: the Hot Dog Seller 58’.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cafundéu – formation for game against Estresse Intenso: Lauro; Léo Mattos, Toninho, Eduardo Monte and Carlão; Anormal, Vergara, Rato and Neto; Heitor and Flecha.
Coach: Franz Braddock.
Style of +3

Match’s Referee: Garth Valxen (Wentland) - oh, no!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Goalscorers after 10 games:

12- Heitor
8- Flecha
4- Neto and Ferreira
3- Anormal
2- Léo Mattos
1- Toninho, Marcelinho, Carlos Magno, Rato, Fabrício and Eduardo Monte.
1 own goal

Kura-Pelland

02-12-2007, 00:10

MD11 RP cutoff

Dance 2 Revolution

02-12-2007, 00:41

-A television screen is shown, fuzzed up-

Man: Ugh, not again

The man shakes his head. There had been several problems with the Dance 2 Revolution broadcasts recently, apparently due to the Gravy Riots of the state of Revolutionarian Island.

The residents were apparently infuriated by the lack of "IC Gravy" that had been delivered by the Kura-Pellandi constituency, despite being promised a delivery of it before the start of the current qualifying campaign. The people of Revolutionarian Island, which houses the majority of the Revolutionarian Empire's televisual broadcast equipment, are said to have been relishing the prospect of what they believed to be "Intercontinental Gravy", which was to bring more exoticity to the current large selection of gravies. The Dance 2 Revolution government have struggled for a solution over recent weeks, and are expected to send a shipment of new range Oranges Of Continent gravy in the near future in an attempt to quench the gravy-mad state.

-The TV flickers. The words "Normal Service will be Resumed" are displayed on screen.-

Following the Hopeless SC match, Maeda, who received an unprecedented 1093 match ban following his career-ending attack on Alan Bell, is continuing his appeal process with the RFA supporting him. Maeda claims that the Hopeless SC witnesses are vastly overexaggerating what happened in the incident, and is hoping the ban will be significantly reduced so that he may be able to compete in the World Cup 39 qualifiers.

After the Sel Appa game on Match Day 2, Dance 2 Revolution manager Darren Ferriol was hospitalised by an extremely rare and dangerous virus/worm hybrid. Ferriol, who has been in charge since their second Cup of Harmony win on home soil, has been in intensive care for approximately 3 months in Maede National Hospital in the capitol.

Meanwhile, results have certainly interesting whilst Revolutionary Eccentric Hcza Fqzxeq, who's day job is taking charge of Revolutionarian Division 1 side PARANOiA UNiTED, has taken temporary charge at the helm. His non-orthodox style of management has led to highs such as the 6-1 demolitions of Daehanjeiguk and Mallatarsland, lows such as the 5-0 embarassment at Everybody Dies against Sel Appa, and amazingly boring affairs such as the 1-1 return against Hopeless.

Such inconsistencies have led Dance 2 Revolution into a precarious position of 5th in the qualifying group, a good 5 points behind the qualifying positions. Glancing at the table, one might be eying up the Cup of Harmony. Dance 2 Revolution do relish their Cup of Harmony appearances, and the nation loves watching the slightly more open games that can take place in the Harmonious atmosphere. If they do fail to qualify, Dance 2 Revolution assuredly will be looking for a 4th Cup of Harmony final, and even a 3rd trophy for the cabinet...

Cafundeu

02-12-2007, 01:01

GLOBO MULTIMEDIA - THE LATEST NEWS
Kita Oliver's kidnapping news

(Central City, Cafundéu) - The agents that are investigating Kita Oliver's kidnapping had received important information about where the player of Wentland's National Team is. According to the spokesperson of the group, Lieutenant Marcelo Barbosa Ramos Sobrinho, a member of the Legião dos Bilionários fan group decided to tell the agents about the involvement of Salim Buchada with the Mafia.

Salim Buchada hired the Mafia to kidnapp Kita Oliver, so Newton would have the chance of returning to the National Team. At the moment, the coach Norman Hacker said that he wouldn't call Newton, and Oliver can be suffering at the hands of the Mafia members. But things can change soon.

The agents received the information that the mobster that talks with Buchada lives in Central City. At the time that we are releasing this news, the criminal has probably been captured. He isn't the same that is with the football player, but he probably knows where she is.

Casari

02-12-2007, 04:42

"I really hope they don't try to tear the stadium down again." Hill said, walking around on the field.

"Meh, the place looks a gigantic gypsy camp." Rebecca said. "Come on, fellows, time to practice, eh?"

Hill shrugged. There were still a number of games left, and if nothing else, they could always ruin someone else's day. Turning to walk back, she saw a pair of technicians dragging out what appeared to be a large air cannon.

"Nonono, no cannons." she said.

"But it's a valuable learning tool!"

"How? How is it a learning tool?"

"Watch."

With a nod, the technicians put a soccer ball in the hopper and plugged it in. It rolled down into the cannon, and suddenly was knocked into the barrel, sending it out the end of the short barrel with more spin than any sane human being could ever impart to it.

Hill nodded. "A giant pitching machine."

"Isn't it great?"

Hill raised an eyebrow and nodded. "Yes. Yes it is."

---

"Can you get it to spin up?" one player asked. The cannon had been dragged to midfield, and after firing midfield shots at someone standing in goal. When they got sick of shooting at someone, they decided to see how much spin they could put on a ball. Sideways never seemed to work- it hit the ground before it stopped bending.

Rebecca nodded and started pressing the buttons. "Okay, watch out for this one." she said, stepping back as the wheels sped up and the ball was fired, bending up and flying over the goal, up into the stands and landing in the seats.

"... nice."

Hill nodded. "What else can this thing shoot at?"

---

They looked from the cannon to the car at the parking lot they had chosen to be the test subject, the thing leveled directly at the side window.

"Fire."

The ball shot out and smashed the side window, bouncing up off the inside of the door, and landing down on the drivers seat.

"... let's do the windshield next."

A chorus of 'kays sent them attempting to maneuver the slightly unwieldy machine around to the front of the car and aim it at the windshield.

"What the hell are you doing?!?" some pencil-pushing-bastard-official in a suit said, dropping his briefcase, which promptly popped open in a spray of papers. For a second he and the players stared at each other, silently, before it occurred to Silvia to run.

"Jimmy do one, Bruv!" she yelled, turning to run.

Everyone else stared at her, some raising eyebrows and questioning her sanity under their breaths.

"Cheese it!" She said, taking off running.

"Ooooooh. Why didn't you say that?"

The Mice of Miceland

02-12-2007, 05:13

(OOC: First I'd like to point out that the following was done with C&M's approval.)

"Candelaria And Marquez, at home at Miceland International Stadium, what are we going to do?"

Steven RedMouse was agitated at a meeting of the various officials of MouseFA, Rachael NoMouse was also there. However despite listing her on the official roster as a Coach, there had been no mention of her. Infact, she was probably one of the few humans who lived and worked, inside Miceland. It was all fairly integrated, however she did not have the magical abilities but generally it didn't impede her in he work as she was a fitness fanatic and loved running, jogging, walking and doing things the hard way (as much as possible).

She spoke "What we need is a way to say 'Stuff You' in a very symbolic way."

There was a general nod of agreement.... "but how? with things getting a bit dicey it's too dangerous to try and do well, dangerous."

"Wait, hang on. I've got an idea. Remember the last Cup of Harmony. We transfigured our team into Humans? Why not do that. We've already got the equipment we made so we could return them to mice."

"Yes, but magically transfiguring one back to their initial state is much easier than magically transfiguring to another abnormal state, but it should be do-able anyway, we already have equipment that we just need to make appropriate modifications."

"Steven you have our blessing, get it going, and Rachael thank you for coming and representing your species admirably. You have been doing a good job."

Rachael wasn't quite sure how good a job she had been doing, the team had only received 4 points, but she supposed that was decent for team that was ranked 132nd in the world. Her main worry was training techniques were they suitable for mice. oh well, she'd figure it out.

And so the team from C&M came to Miceland, the only thing was that as they left Miceland Internation Airport they found themselves turned into Mice which was quite disturbing.

"When you learn to love what you hate, then you will be loved by all." - A passing mouse gave that little pearl of wisdom to Micelands opponents. Before the game start, What was most surprising though was that Candelaria And Marquez seemed to fairly well dominate the match. Miceland had a few chances with a cross from Arri StrangeMouse, who did a little jig with the ball which managed to distract and simultaneously irrate his opposing defenders, failed to find the net.

However this was good, as she now had something to compare C&M players in their normal human form and in mouse form.

Jeruselem

02-12-2007, 05:32

Cuppie Kokai was training when he spotted young lady watching him. He was a big strong muscular man who could had the body and looks as well as toughness from kickboxing. Girls quite liked him for this including the amorous Princess. She quites liked the Skate as she didn't look tough as she looked fragile but this was an illusion. Anyone trained in Ninjitsu was no sissy. The girl watching him was a one of many redhead babes in the team, and on closer inspection it was Scarlet Ferris or "Scooter", the friend of the Princess.

Cuppie: Hey Scooter, what you looking at?
Scooter: Just watching a real man in action.
Cuppie: I'm overrated, just because I kickbox. I'm tough but by no means am I the hottest guy around.
Scooter: I think you're alright.

Cuppie: You and Skate aren't exactly picky who you look at, but it's nice to be admired all the same.
Scooter: Can you teach me a few moves?
Cuppie: Sure, but are your knees I like? I don't want you to hurt yourself.
Scooter: I don't have those dodgy Dazza knees!

Cuppie teaches Scooter to kick the stuffing out of bag. She's pretty tired by the end of it.

Scooter: That was hard work, I don't how you do this ...
Cuppie: It's not magic, just years of training. Hard training.
Scooter: Well, this is one sport I'm not doing. I'm feeling a bit sore.
Cuppie: The more you do it, the easier it gets Scooter.

Coach: What are you doing with Scooter here.
Cuppie: Toughening her up coach.
Scooter: I don't know about that, I don't feel fitter. I feel sore!
Coach: Leave me out of this, I'm an old man. Kickboxing is not for people like me. Having a girlfriend like Scooter here keeps me fit enough.

Cuppie: We can start you slow.
Coach: No no, I'm French like Scooter here - not an Asian super athlete. We both like the easy life too much.
Scooter: Too much like hard work this kickboxing.
Cuppie: Maybe I can get your friend into this. I think you'd better get this girl to the shower, she's had enough.

Coach: Don't worry Scooter, I'm not going put kickboxing into the training. I don't think the Princess will appreciate it much. She's very lazy like most of her relatives with respect to training except Hikfie who doesn't know any better.
Cuppie: Strange girls they are. Don't seem to train a lot but seem to do a lot of super-human stuff.
Coach: You can't deny their natural abilties.
Cuppie: I wish I had some of that.

Scooter: Take me away, I'm all sore ... my knees hurt.
Coach: Come on girlie
Cuppie: Hey hey, what do you see in this girl?
Coach: I'm growing old. I need a wife, if a young lady is available grab her. You see, I'm a hard man - a person who needs to be strong. I need a cute fluffy girl like Scooter to show my softer side so I don't turn into a cynical old man with no friends.

Scooter: I want be like Skate!

Qazox

02-12-2007, 05:44

DEC 15 1933 (Qazox City, Qazox)

DAMN DAMN DAMN

These young players suck!

Couldn't even score a goal, as we were given one in the 12th minute.

Appearently, Endmile has the same technology as Az-cz, as the players didn't play well at all.

A damn 2-1 loss, when a win would have just about put us into the Cup. Now we have to win 2 of the last 3 to do so.

Ty Reed is apparently the reason behind the malfunctions that are affecting the older players on the team. He has alien nanoprobes that are assimilating our technology and is causing rejections in the implants of the other players.

This technonlogy is astounding and Dr. Hadel believes that he can reverse-engineer the nanoprobes, but currently he is having trouble isolating them from the bloodstream. He expects that by the end of the week, the nanoprobes will be ready to experiment on.

SCORING SUMMARY:
(Qazox) OG- 12'
(Endmile): 19', 82'

Green wombat

02-12-2007, 05:56

Jason Vallens World Cup Blog:

Matchday 11 @ Bostopia

Well the return of Green wombat didn't go as well as we hoped, but the future looks good. Claudia Bard continued to impress as she scored early to give the Wombats a 1-0 lead but Bostopia answered back with 3 goals before a late-day thunder storm ended the match in the 84th minute.

SCORING SUMMARY:
Green wombat: Bard- 7'
Bostopia: CRIPPS- 28'
Bostopia: CRIPPS- 50'
Bostopia: WAKE- 70' (PK)

The loss offically eliminated the Wombats from the World Cup.

In other Group action: East Lithuania won 1-0 over Nire and Nire, Prux stunningly drew Milchama 1-1, and Wentland drew Lovisa 1-1.

Up next for the Wombats is home vs. Wentland.

Prux

02-12-2007, 06:15

PRUX' TOP NINE LIST VS. East Lithuania Part 2

#9- Prux slowed down Milchama 1-1.

#8- Unfortunately, the draw eliminated Prux, after Bostopia won.

#7- Pies R. Round scored first in the 11th minute to make it 1-0.

#6- Avi Belmowitz tied it up at 1-1 in the 75th.

#5- E. Nigma make a team record 23 saves, as somehow the Prawns kept Milchama to only 1 goal.

#4- The Prawns now have passed their point total from 4 years ago.

#3- FAST FACT: Prux spelled backwards is X-U-R-P, which in some language is a word meaning "Fish"

#2- The draw improves Prux to 2-5-4, up to 5th in the group.

#1- The next match is @ Nire and Nire.

TOP TEN LIST (Italics have clinched World Cup Berth)
1- Ariddia (11-0-0) +47 GD (prev #1)
2- Errinundera (11-0-0) +36 GD (prev #2)
3- Az-cz (10-1-0) +38 GD (prev #3)
4- ESF (11-0-0) +31 GD (prev #4)
5- Sel Appa (10-1-0) +31 GD (prev #6)
6- Capitalizt SLANI (10-0-1) +36 GD (prev #7)
7- Cafundéu (9-1-1) +38 GD (prev #8)
8- Bettia (9-0-2) +37 GD (prev #9)
9- Bazalonia (9-0-2) +19 GD (prev #10)
10- Zwangzug (9-0-2) +27 GD (prev #5)
Dropped Out:
NONE

BOTTOM 6:
#75- New Morissia 1-3-7 -17GD
#76- Miceland 0-4-7 -22GD
#77- Bergelland 1-0-10 -19GD
#78- Pinguinum 0-1-10 -34GD
#79- Rangpur 0-1-10 -38GD
#80- Randovium 0-0-11 -25GD

Waiting list:
Thundercliffe, Limbrogidlia, Hopeless SC, Mallatarsland, Merovis, Kelssek, Uiri

Hopeless SC

02-12-2007, 07:14

HOPELESS LIVES UP TO ITS NAME IN ANOTHER LOSS

The Hopeless SC Wanderers are the most hopeless team in World Cup 38, which is saying something considering that there is another team in the World Cup (Randovium) that hasn't scored a point yet. Expectations were high for a Wanderers team that made a deep run in the Baptism of Fire, and should have won the tournament. They've fallen flat on their faces, winning once and drawing twice, and not deserving any of those points. The latest team to rout the Wanderers was Tynelia before a Tynelian crowd that only half-heartedly cheered their team off the field at the final whistle after a 3-0 win. It is highly unlikely the Wanderers will earn another point in World Cup 38, most likely finishing as the team with the worst record in the entire World Cup.

Top of the Mountain

8. Cafundeu 9-1-1, +38
7. Sel Appa 10-1-0, +32
6. Demot 7-4-0, +27
5. Capitalizt SLANI 10-0-1, +36
4. Az-cz 10-1-0, +38
3. Elves Security Force 11-0-0, +31
2. Errinundera 11-0-0, +36
1. Ariddia 11-0-0, +47

Bottom of the Barrel

8. Thundercliffe 1-1-9, -16
7. Miceland 0-4-7, -22
6. Mallatarsland 1-2-8, -27
5. Pinguinum 0-1-10, -34
4. Rangpur 0-1-10, -38
3. Randovium 0-0-11, -25
2. Bergelland 1-0-10, -22
1. Hopeless SC 1-2-8, -17

Ariddia

02-12-2007, 12:32

Ariddian B-team in top form

With the hurdle of qualification safely overcome, Ariddian coach Jane Sanderson had some latitude to field bench players as starters in the match against lowly Rangpur. Knudsen, Isaacs, Petras and Shahrour were retained, but all others among the usual starting eleven were shifted to the bench, enabling Levent, Marsh, Thomas, Lake, Kim, Wu and Lush to take their place. Additionally, third goalkeeper Anastasya Loskov was brought in from the seventy-fourth minute, for her first ever cap with the Rouge-et-Noirs.

The team did not disappoint. Although the match may have been little more than a practice run against a weak side, the Ariddian Islanders obviously took it seriously, playing a skillful, well constructed game. A goal by Jean-Charles Thomas and two from Marek Petras in the first half were followed by goals from Shahrour (twice), Thomas and Wendy Wu in the second. Rangpur’s best opportunity for a goal came with a well-aimed shot in the seventy-eighth minute, saved with little difficulty by Loskov.

The Rouge-et-Noirs remain the best team in contention at this stage, with most goals scored (55), third fewest conceded (8), and best goal differential (+47, ahead of Bettia’s +40).

The Ariddians won World Cup 36, after a memorable final against Errinundera. Now, those two countries seem to be amongst the most dangerous in World Cup 38. Supporters will have to wait a while longer to see how the Cup plays out.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/the_ariddian_isles.png Ariddian Isles 7-0 Rangpur http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/rangpur.png

San Adriano

02-12-2007, 13:09

Eliminated!

A good performance against Taeshan, securing yet another point through a goalless draw, was not enough to keep the Sanadrianese in contention; the team has crashed out of the qualification race following its eleventh game.

This marks the end of San Adriano’s attempt to qualify for a football World Cup, at least for the foreseable future. The Sanadrianese Olympic Committee, which also serves as the country’s football federation, has already announced that the team will not be returning in World Cup 39.

“It would be too expensive and too time-consuming,” the S.O.C. said.

But the Sanadrianese have had their moment of glory. Few at home –or indeed anywhere else– would have expected them to do quite so well. At present, the team have won two games, tied three and lost only six, earning themselves an astonishing nine points. More surprising still, they have scored eight goals, while conceding only thirteen. Now, they are looking forward to an exciting trip into the Dreamed Realm.

Fan videos with excerpts of the team’s matches are already circulating on the Internet. Most foreign women cite striker Ase Shau as their favourite Sanadrianese player, while many men favour defender Arianna Ceccoli, who as a referee four years ago famously handed out a record seven red cards and twelve yellow ones during a single match (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=13054342#post13054342). Ironically, but perhaps fittingly, Ceccoli herself was handed a yellow card today for a poor tackle on Taeshan’s Ryan Williams.

She took it with humour, acknowledging the referee’s decision with a nod and a quick laugh before apologising to Williams.

Ceccoli said she had met the ref, a Kelssekian, once before.

“He’s a good ref,” she said, and added with an amused smirk: “I’m sure he was quite happy to give a card to a fellow ref.”

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/san_adriano.png San Adriano 0-0 Taeshan http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/taeshan.png

Adihan

02-12-2007, 13:44

AFF gives Evans vote of confidence

Ad'ihan national team manager Luke Evans today received the dreaded vote of confidence from the AFF after a devastating 4-1 defeat to Bettia at Grovers Park in Orean. Evans, already under pressure after the AFF refused to reject a report that he had been asked to resign, was clearly flustered during his pre-match press conference, only repeating each time that he was "focussed on training and coaching the team".

Evans, whose contract runs out at the end of qualifying, confirmed that he had not yet been offered an extension. With three matches to go, Ad'ihan find themselves barely in the qualification spots, ahead of The Archregimancy only on goal difference. The two teams square off in the Dreamed Realms on Matchday 13, and that match could decide which of the two teams loses out.

After the thrashing by Bettia, in which the only consolation for the hosts was Jake Holmes' first-ever international goal in the 74th minute, Evans indicated that he was ready for showdown talks with his paymasters. "I'll be meeting the AFF to discuss my future soon. But it is important that we win our two remaining home games (to be played in CCL) against Spaam and Tuaim - we cannot afford to drop any of those six points. After the Archregimancy game we should know where we stand, and then I'll have the talks with the AFF to settle the future of the team and our direction."

The one glimmer of hope for both Ad'ihan and Evans is that The Archregimancy have to travel to Squornshelous - a team Ad'ihan lost both games against - on Matchday 14. A Squornshelous win over The Archregimancy should be enough to see Ad'ihan through, should they not drop any points against Spaam or Tuaim. Alternatively, both Ad'ihan and the monks would qualify if Squornshelous were to lose two of their three remaining games - against Bettia away, Spaam away, and The Archregimancy at home, which remains a distinct possibility.

Evans indicated that he hoped the Aroras would do his team a favour. "If they beat Squornshelous, they get revenge for their earlier 4-3 defeat - and it would help us in a big, big way."

Daehanjeiguk

02-12-2007, 14:05

Qualification Tour:
Group 3
MD1 - Daehanjeiguk(53) 1-3 (9)Sel Appa (@ Hangyeong)
MD2 - Alversia(153) 2-3 (53)Daehanjeiguk
MD3 - Daehanjeiguk(53) 2-2 (33)Dance 2 Revolution (@ Hanseong)
FR1 - Daehanjeiguk 1-1 Jeruselem (@ Hangyeong)
FR2 - Sorthern Northland 6-0 Daehanjeiguk
MD4 - Mallatarsland(157) 1-6 (53)Daehanjeiguk
MD5 - Geisenfried(42) 2-3 (53)Daehanjeiguk
MD6 - Daehanjeiguk(53) 2-4 (18)Tynelia (@ Malnira)
MD7 - Hopeless SC(114) 0-2 (53)Daehanjeiguk
MD8 - Sel Appa(9) 1-1 (53)Daehanjeiguk (@ Nemnenait)
MD9 - Daehanjeiguk(53) 2-1 (153)Alversia (@ Sanghae)
FR3 - Cafundeu 3-1 Daehanjeiguk
MD10 - Dance 2 Revolution(33) 6-1 (53)Daehanjeiguk
MD11 - Daehanjeiguk(53) 4-0 (157)Mallatarsland (@ Gwangdong)
MD12 - Daehanjeiguk(53) --- (42)Geisenfried (@ Pyeongyang)
MD13 - Tynelia(18) --- (53)Daehanjeiguk
MD14 - Daehanjeiguk(53) --- (114)Hopeless SC (@ Hangyeong)

After the game:

Choe looked in the mailbox. No clothes yet. He was frustrated of having to look out every morning to make sure no one else was watching out for him to streak out of his apartment room, so he ended up doing the early morning routine. Except this morning was especially important, with the match against Geisenfried coming up. The Imperial Team had soundly whipped up Mallatarsland, and now the same was expected of Geisenfried.

Expected at least. On paper.

At that moment, Choe was running back up the stairs when a drunk guy fell down on top of him. Choe immediately huddled for the carpet, wrapping it around him like a wrap. Once he came to his senses, he realized that the drunk guy was one of his friends - one of those guys who made the bet with him. He crept in a little closer to see if everything was alright, but his friend was fast asleep. Not wanting to make an incident, Choe crept up the stairs. Unfortunately for him, his other friends were waiting for him too.

"Hey! What took you so long? Don't you know? You're a celebrity!"

Choe tried to hush them. "Don't hush me! I'm drunk. Say, by the way, that's a nice rug you're wearing. Is it the spike variety?" Immediately, Choe realized that it was the spike variety - and not because it was too pleasant to feel on the inside. "Hey, don't you worry about that, Yonggi. We've got you some clothes. Just as long as you keep up the good work. We're all counting on you!"

As one of his friends brought him a t-shirt and jeans, he wondered what they meant by "counting on him." They explained: "Oh, you know. The Imperial Team. They actually have a chance to qualify this year. Unlike last year. All they've got to do is win the next two games and they're in automatically. Well, I guess there's other possibilities too. But yeah. They've been doing really well because of you."

"Um. Yeah. So naked kid goes to games and makes Imperial Team win games," Choe laughed at that as he quickly slipped into clothes. At that moment, he realized that they were all woman's clothes. "Yeah...How does that work? I bribe the officials?"

"Did you?!?" his friends gasped. They wondered about that - how many refs were gay? How many were crazy? Well that certainly would explain all of the attention about the cards and stuff. Choe quickly allayed those worries. "I'm not bribing the refs."

"Oh! The officials!" It just got worse. By the time Choe realized it, the little red light flashed off the live feed, and doubtless the entire has just seen him get into woman's clothes and talk about how he bribed the officials. Things were not going to turn out so nicely in the next couple of days.

"Yeah. I'm not going to say anything else. In fact, I'm late!"

Choe rushed up the stairs where Sang was sitting meditation.

"Sang, we've got to go."

"The game doesn't start another 12 hours."

"I know. But... we'd better go right now."

"Do you want to be waiting at the stadium?"

"Actually, today yes. I don't feel right about things."

"What did you tell your friends?"

Choe shook his head. "You already know what I said."

"Did you tell them that you masturbated to a horny toad last night?"

"I what?"
"He what?" His friends rushed out of the door and away, catching that last glimpse just as it ended. Choe was about up to his neck in patience for Sang. "Everything about you has made life go from bad to worse. Why did I even tempt the Heavens?"

"Trust me, this is the last test before the Grand Battle Royale! You must stand the test against lust for clothes. Then you must stand the test against your desires for privacy. Then you must stand against ridicule. Now, you must stand against shame."

"I don't like shame. And I never wanted this f%$#ing trip to turn into a moral quest. I just made a f%$#ing bet! One f%$#ing bet. Is it too much to ask?"

Sang nodded. "And so did Heaven. So it is with men."

"Oh?" Choe replied. "I have to suffer because Heaven made a bet?"

"Well, you made the bet. Heaven just made the bet off your bet. So if you had never taken the bet, I wouldn't be here right now."

"Ugh." Choe sighed. "Alright, I'll never bet again!"

"I'll bet that you won't take that too seriously."

"Oh yeah? We'll see."

"You just accepted my bet."

"I didn't bet though," Choe said frustrated.

"Do you want to bet?"

Sang was obviously playing devil's advocate. Whether it was genuine or not was another matter. Choe sucked in his stomach and walked out of the room. Sang called out to him - "That's the closet, remember."

Choe walked out with a bunch of bags over his head. "This is my f%$#ing house and I can't even get around in it. I must have lost my head."

"He lost his head!" Choe's friends then rushed away, to post their things up on YouTube...

Candelaria And Marquez

02-12-2007, 14:30

The barge drew to a halt and Janet Devey pulled herself away from the window that had been her only source of entertainment these past few hours with Terence still dealing with the jetlag. It had been misted up on the outside for the entire journey – perfectly normal for Zemyzha Myzhent this time of year she had been assured. Still, it had been an education; showing her first the beaches where the planes carrying the C&M players, officials and fans had landed, then taking them through several miles of woodland, endless paddy fields, a couple of small villages…

There had been one odd occasion went they’d passed through Myurideye Myurineye (pop. 213) when the image of the pretty, if damp, village green had given way to a flock of gannets and several seconds of static; but Janet had put it out of her mind when they’d arrived at a barge house for a tinkle and flapjacks. The Myzhenticans made exceedingly good cakes, it seemed.

Now, she was dragging Terence out of his slumber and joining the rest of the throng surging to get out of the barge and into the fresh air. They were a motley bunch indeed, little like the normal travelling party to a C&M overseas soccer game, but that was what you got when your hosts would only permit you little more than a hundred fans. The CMAFA had employed a lottery to pick those lucky enough to go, and though Terence swore he couldn’t remember signing up; Janet had seized the opportunity with both hands. She hadn’t holidayed outside the Candelarias for the best part of a decade, and that had been skiing in Switzaland which was practically next door and hardly counted.

She clambered out into the hustle, and indeed bustle, of Myzhent Zhittee and clasped her hands together in unmitigated joy.

“Terry, look! Isn’t it all so charming!” she whispered in breathy tones.

It certainly lived up to everything the guide book had said. Zemyzha Myzhent apparently had an economy little worse than C&M; but the money was invested in a wealthy caste that lived miles away from the Zhittee proper, spending their time micro-managing the country’s economic and social future. The rest of the people seemed a jolly bunch, even if there was a lot of brown, and soiled tunics were considered high fashion. They’d been told, she’d been told, that they were all labouring towards a day when a great storm would come and eradicate the rest of humanity, and the Myzhentic race – having sheltered in the impenetrable castle of their great dictator – would emerge stronger than ever and repopulate the planet. By the looks of things, they’d bought into in hook, line and sinker and had settled for their arduous lives in the hope of great things to come.

Janet thought it was awful that the best part of an entire nation had been lied to in this way; but oh!, at least their all-encompassing faith gave them an assurity in life she and her fellow agnostic countryfolk could never have.

Terence suddenly pulled her to the side of the road to avoid an oncoming cart laden with cabbages. Happily for all concerned it dodged her first, careering instead into another cart carrying chickens. Some choice swear words emanated from the expanding cloud of feathers, and the Deveys edged surreptitiously across the square.

Theirs was a new view now, with the Castle looming over the city to the northeast. In the opposite direction the city sloped downwards towards the slums. Janet watched as a mangy dog panted its last and collapsed into the street, a small girl in a grubby red dress and with ribbons in her hair appearing from a doorway and shovelling the corpse into a gutter. Janet put her hand over her mouth.

“Terry, look! Poverty…”

“We have poverty back home, dear. Comes of only having a ‘good’ economy rating.”

“Oh, but not like this…”

“No. Um, look there’s refreshments on that stall over there, by the big muscular fella with… blimey. Um, the pamphlet suggested we should partake, of the refreshments I mean, not, um, and then make our way to the stadium. With the others. Who’re already on their way,” he hinted.

Janet ignored him and wandered across the street to a man leaning on a pitchfork.

“I say! Do an awful lot of your people live like that?”

The man, who seemed prepared for this line of questioning but still looked slightly shocked, cleared his throat. “Ay, ma’am. ‘Tis nat uz baad az it yust tubby, tho. Nat since the ‘Erald, meye the rain ne’er damp’n ‘is fire, banned female education.”

“Gosh. That’s a bit drastic isn’t it? Did it really help?”

“Oh, certunly, or my name isn’t Zhimmy Pijferkmowz. Y’see, back inna olden dayes, the one ‘ope the people out inna sticks ‘ad f’r the future wozzat their chillurn’d get a proper education, reet? In the villages, best they cud ‘ope for woz a new typa plough ever cuppl’a jenny rayshuns, see? So they all flocked t’the Zhittee, where there wuz proper schools and tha’, where they all lived on top of each uvva in skwolla.

“Wivvart no education here, they all ‘ad t’troop back to the countryside, where loife’s better, but where there’s less ‘ope of it getting even better still, y’see. Plus,” he lent in conspiratorially. “There were all these nasty sexual diseases and chillurn bein’ born outta wedlock an’ tha’, ‘cos girrils weren’t marryin’ in their teens anymore. Scrap education; everythin’ goes back t’the way it shud be and there’s na more sexual impropriety ‘cos all the lasses are doin’ it wiv their ‘usbands instead!”

He beamed.

Janet made an aghast face, and looked forlornly down the rutted road to the slums. Before Terence could stop her, she was moving at a pace into the Zhittee’s badlands.

Her progress was stopped by the little girl and a friend, who dived out of houses on opposite sides of the lane and made a wall in front of the Candelariasian woman. She bent forwards.

”Good afternoon, girls. How’re y–”

The red-dressed girl beamed. “Hello. My. Name. Is. Zovee Redrezzedmowz and. This. Is. My. Friend Lweez Bloodrezzedmowz we. Are L–”

“Hello,” offered the other little girl.

Zovee glared at her before continuing; “We Are Lower. Caste. Girls and. Our. Job. Is. To. Sweep. The. Streets.”

Janet bit her lower lip. “And that’s all you do? You’re very brave, you know.”

“Um. Thank you,” Zovee replied. “Um. Our. Herald maytherainneverdampenhisfire says. That. In. Other. Countries. Only. The. Stupid. And. Mentally. Ill. Do. Such. Dirty. Jobs. Which. Is so unfair. He. Says. That. It’s. Better. That. Some. People. Are. Just. Unlucky. And. Are. Born. Into. This. Life. And. Are. Respected. For. It. Rather. Than. Being. Shunned. For. Being. Dim.”

Zovee beamed. Janet felt Terence tugging on her arm.

“Well, thank you girls. It’s been wonderful meeting you, I, yes! Alright! Goodbye.”

The girls glanced at each other before diving back into their respective shacks as the Candelariasian couple turned away.

“It’s awful in a way, Terry,” Janet told her husband. “But there’s such a fundamental honesty to them, isn’t there? They’re all so sure of their place in the world, you have to envy them somewhat.” She paused in her step. “What’s that?” she asked, pointing to a statue.

“Oh, uh, the Myzhentican men practise homosexuality as a matter of course, according to the guidebook. Big into it, apparently. The women appear to feel a little left out.”

“Oh,” Janet said thoughtfully. She took her husband’s arm. “Well, it’s nice for a visit here, isn’t it, but it’s not for the likes of us…” They hurried back down the road, nodding a greeting at a fellow lost C&M fan walking passed them.

Just inside hearing, they soon heard a shrill voice saying; “Hello. My. Name. Is Zovee Redrezzedmowz and. This. Is. My. Friend Lweez Bloodrezzedmowz. We. Are. Lower caste. Girls and. Our. Job is…”

~

Rather earlier

Fred Ma, a rather fetching Han Jumping Mouse, nodded the ball into the path of Ignacio Vélez, a harvest mouse, who bounced it down off his white underparts. Holding off Angela BallMouse with his naked, highly prehensile tail, he steadied himself and shot past David BreadMouse.

Nine grams of striker wheeled away happily despite the complete absence of cheers from the crowd. Vélez hardly noticed. He was too busy trying to commit the goal to memory so he could recreate it when the landed in ‘Zemyzha Myzhent’ that afternoon.

The crowd themselves were by now thoroughly pissed off that the Candelariasians were beating them at their own game, in mores ways than way. Vélez’ fellow reddish-brown harvest mouse, Oberon Martinez, had foiled Arri StrangeMouse several times early on in goal, and from then on it had been oddly easy. A difficult moment had come when Jos Cornelisse and Lorenzo De Wilde on the left had got mixed up, and De Wilde had stepped on Jos CornelisseWoodMouse’s tail. The tip of the thing had come off, and although a painfully squeaking Cornelisse had been able to get a cross in, he’d had to be substituted. Happily, Matteo Corradini – clearly recognisable for the yellow band of fur around his neck – had muscled forward and scored off his large ears for the opener.

José Felipe Cassumba Domingos, a Delicate Vesper Mouse, had nimbly worked the second goal shortly after half-time; bouncing past Lucas FuryMouse and laying off for Ben Head, a perpetaetly nervous-looking edible doormouse, who had nudged the ball home.

Now, Vélez danced up to his manager Mark Baker, an unflashy house mouse, who patted his player’s head. Vélez made his way back to the centre-circle and preened his whiskers. All in all, this wasn’t so bad. And my he thought, looking at Angela again; there are some cuty girls here…

~

Rather later, and then a bit more later

“..ame. Is Zovee Redrezzedmowz and. This. Is. My. Friend Lweez Bloodrez–”

“Okay, Sophie, thank you. I’m Mr. Hernández, remember? This is Mr. Martino.”

The girls blushed.

“Sorry Mr. Hernández. It’s hard to get out of character sometimes.”

“That’s quite alright, sweetheart. You did a very good job, both of you.”

“Thank you. I’m going to be Tallulah in the summer, Miss Matthews says so.”

“Then Miss Matthews is a woman of discerning taste. Hop along then girls, no point keeping you here.”

“’Bye!”

“Bye-bye.”

The men watched them skip away. Hernández clocked Martino’s expression. “Don’t be mean, Dan. I thought they did very well, given the material…”

“I just hope they were convincing enough, Lyndon. I put my heart and soul into this. I do love a good dictatorship, don’t you?”

Hernández put a hand on his assistant’s shoulder. “You, Dan, are an odd elf.”

Martino considered this. “Thank you, sir,” he replied.

Az-cz

02-12-2007, 15:20

Amda-Mo: And the team avenges it's only not win against Turori. The Turori attack once again found some success against us but we popped through for five goals to clinch our berth in the cup.

Lur-Mn: And damn near the top spot in the group. We can't finish lower than second and even two points would see us to the top.

Amda-Mo: You are aware that two points isn't possible, right? (winks at the camera)

Lur-Mn: Harharhar. But if Qazox draws against someone that's the same as two points for us.

Amda-Mo: Alright, let's talk about the Turori game. How were we able to prevail here where we couldn't in Az-cz?

Lur-Mn: A lot of it had to do with bounces. Honestly the two matches weren't that dissimilar. Both teams made a lot of good attacks. Just where in the last match they were the luckier side we were this time. The three goal scoreline flatters us this time, where we were a bit unlucky to not win last time. In reality both games looked about a 4-3 victory for us.

Amda-Mo: So then the question maybe should be, what is it about the Turori attack that gives us fits?

Lur-Mn: Hard to say. I can't see why they do so well against us. My best guess is that they're red kits aggravate Rahim and Kenyon. Other than that who knows.

Amda-Mo: So let's look ahead now. With our qualification spot guaranteed, do we rest the starters.

Lur-Mn: I think we'll play them against Qazox and rest them against Endmile and Onimar. We'll definitely want to get our younger players some experience and rest our older players. But we also want to keep our players in good form. So I'd think we'll play our starters against Qazox, our strongest remaining opponent, but not the other matches.

Amda-Mo: Isn't that unfair to Qazox?

Lur-Mn: You know, it is. But it's not our job to be fair to the other teams. Our job is to position ourselves as well as we can for a run at a repeat. It's not our fault Qazox lost at Endmile. And honestly we'll still be trying our best to beat Endmile regardless of who plays. If things break poorly for Qazox so be it.

Amda-Mo: Speaking of the Qazox-Endmile result, what happened out there today?

Lur-Mn: Well Endmile was buoyed by home support and played a good game. They played strong defense and mostly shutdown the Qazox attack. They scored the same two goals as last time but held Qazox to a single goal this time to earn a big win.

Amda-Mo: Looking at the three remaining relevant teams in our group, which two do you see joining us in the proper?

Lur-Mn: I think Endmile will be the odd team out. I think regardless of who we play we'll beat them. Turori's schedule is easy enough they shouldn't lose any more points. And it would be stunning if Qazox couldn't get six from Onimar and Vanek Drury Brieres which ought to be enough.

Amda-Mo: Very interesting. Looking at the rest of the groups what's to take note of?

Lur-Mn: The first is the run of strong teams. There are three teams with perfect records remaining, which means almost certainly we'll see at least one team with a perfect qualifying record for the first time in a long time. And there're two other teams with just a single draw as a blemish and even Demot is undefeated, albeit with four draws. Not too much of note in today's results.

Amda-Mo: Ok. Then lets get on to the top six.

Lur-Mn: I'm amused by the copy cats this seems to have gotten, but we're still the original and the greatest. Most others don't seem to provide any commentary. Other than that I don't have much to say of interest as things keep chugging along unchanged.

6. Commerce Heights

Except for their opening day mulligan the Slani is essentially the sixth undefeated team. Their offense is right up at the top where you'd expect it and their defense has been pretty good as well.

5. Sel Appa

The Turtles are making a strong case that they'll have to be in the discussion for valid title contenders. While still probably only the third best WC30 team if they continue to play like this they'll make a run at Demot in second.

4. Az-cz

Of course we seem to be pretty well ensconced in first. We have what is pretty obviously the best offensive team we've ever fielded. I must tip my hat to Rahim as he's come in installed his system despite not having much to any control over the youth training like he did in Bettia and it's working.

3. Errinundera

Really more of a 2A. They've actually got better numbers than the team ranked ahead of them, but I put them in third based on degree of difficulty. I just think that they've had the easier schedule. But even so 11 straight wins is damned good.

2. Elves Security Forces

Yes the elves are not having nearly the offensive success of most of the teams on this list, but they keep winning. When a 3 goal a game average and a 2 goal margin of victory average are complaints you're doing well, especially with traditionally strong opponents like Bazalonia and Quakmybush.

1. Ariddia

But is there any doubt as to who number 1 is? The Ariddians are just having an unbelievable cup. Despite the incredibly strong play of some really good teams like us, Commerce Heights, Errinundera and Elves Security Forces, they are looking almost inevitable to win the cup. 55 goals for to 8 against? Are you kidding me. They've just been toying with their group. 10-3 against the second place team in their group. Just crazy good.

Amda-Mo: Inevitable really?

Lur-Mn: Yes. I think they'd be heavy favorites against any team and might be better than even odds to win the cup at this point.

Amda-Mo: Wow. That tells you what you need to know folks. With that kind of thinking you could make some real money this cup if you can correctly predict a non-Ariddian champion.

Sorthern Northland

02-12-2007, 18:41

SN prepare to crash and burn, some more.

Sorthern Northland's chances of qualifying for the World Cup took a huge blow yesterday as the team fell to a third heavy defeat in a row. This poor run in form has coincided with the teams return from The Pazhujeb Islands where SNFA officials claim the team were put under some sort of voudou curse.

The latest defeat saw the Sortherners go down 6-1 away to Northern Bettia. SN got off to a poor start being out muscled and bullied into conceding three goals in the opening eight minutes. Dan Shinobu got all three goals for the N. Bettia before being sent off for punching Jonny Sage whilst celebrating his third goal. That saw the end of a bad day for Sage but his replacement George Palmer didn't have it much better as he fumbled a Naru Sonata shot minutes after coming on and was then clattered in the head as Brian Suzuki slid in attempting to get the ball. He missed and Sorthern Northland were forced to bring on their third goalkeeper of the day, Joseph Huntley. Despite a bombardment from Northern Bettia, Huntley somehow managed to keep the score at 3-0 at the half time break.

Twenty one players left the field at the end of the first half but only eighteen would return for the second half as Blake Sitara of Northern Bettia and Sortherners Tom Tomsk and President Ben O'Bagels were all sent off for fighting in the tunnel on the way out for the second half.

This left both teams with nine players and Sorthern Northland exploited the space to score early on in the second half with Relondinho scoring his first goal for SN on his fiftieth appearance for his country. Sorthern Northland sensed and opportunity to get back into the game and as time ran down committed more players forward until they eventually over committed and Northern Bettia scored three more to win six one, although not before AC Pete Waters and Min Cho-Hi had managed to get sent off for violent conduct.

Crowd trouble also rose during the game as the notorious Northern Bettian hooligan element Yuna Crew found their way into the Sorthern Northland fans and started a mass riot which spilled its way onto the pitch.

The defeat also means that Sorthern Northland's chances of qualifying for the World Cup are now very slim, with the Sortherners likely to be needing Oliverry to slip up twice. Oliverry sit in third with twenty one points whilst SN are fourth with eighteen points. Although just three points separate the teams, Oliverry have a vastly superior goal difference meaning that it is likely that Sorthern Northland will need to gain four points on their rivals to overtake them. Sorthern Northland's next to matches are against Bumiroar and Bergelland both of which they should win, whilst host St. Samuel before travelling to Te Pazhujeb Islands. A win for either St Samuel or the Pazhujeb Island here is unlikely but not impossible and Sorthern Northlanders will be sacrificing a large amount of rubber chickens in the hope that "Margaret" will inspire these nations as well as their own to a victory. On the final match day which will see Sorthern Northland return to the James Connaly Stadium, SN and Oliverry will then face each other in what will either be a match effectively for pride or effectively a play off to decide which nation goes to the World Cup and which one doesn't.

Demot

02-12-2007, 21:12

"Man, how the heck do we keep winning when we havn't trained for like the last five games?"

"Maybe it's because we're not tired from training before the games Rahall." came the soft voice of Maria from the bean bag.

"That can't be it, because we really only did basic drills. I mean, I know we have a good team, but are we really that good that we don't have to practice before games to win them? I think not! There has to be more going on here."

"I did buy a this strange pendant from a Druid over in Bellwater a few months ago. He said it would bring my dreams to fruition. I just thought it went nice with my boots. Maybe it's enchanted?"

"Perhaps. If we win out, espicially if we beat them darn Northern Bettians at their place, we might just need to have a look at thay pendant. I soo don't want to travel to Northern Bettia, they are nowhere near the hosts like Az-cz, Valanora, and Bettia are. Last time I went there, I had to go out at night and under a cloak to avoid being beaten by a mob."

"Those are the breaks Rahall, we have to go there so just suck it up and take it like a man. Poor Lea had to endure inappriopate comments the entire match last time we faced them and you don't see her whining like little child."

Zwangzug

02-12-2007, 21:36

"Twenty-three?"

Megan still felt a thrill whenever the coach paged her in his numerical way. It was pure coincidence that her uniform number was equal to the number of players on the roster, but it made her feel like she represented the team: that when he yelled at her, he yelled at all of them. "Yeah?"

"You want to play today?"

"Is somebody hurt?"

"No."

"Then I guess not-I mean I want to, sure, but I'd rather the team win." She smiled self-deprecatingly.

"Why?" he challenged.

"To...I dunno...help our rankings?"

"Rankings aren't everything. They're just numbers."

Laughing, Megan yelled, "Forty-six?"

Andrew snapped his head around, glaring at her. "What?"

"Nothing." Turning to Mcgimpy, she smirked. "Numbers can be pretty important."

"Seeing as we've already qualified, I'm hoping to do well in the Cup itself. I don't want to wear Eddie out, so why don't you get in there?"

"Because-wait, that's a rhetorical question."

How, if at all, the Golden Wolves would survive the qualifiers became quickly apparent. A strong midfield kept possession for long periods of time, and Megan quickly retreated into a comfortable defensive role.

In the forty-fourth minute, Lhatis Riegan tapped the ball forward to Prince Sebard, who evaded Brendan and moved into Zwangzug's half. Marking him, Megan ran forward, and jostled for the ball, but suddenly Yafor 2 had been awarded a free kick.

"Intent to trip," Ursula tersely explained.

Bartholomew deflected the shot, and the game went on for the short time remaining before the half, but Megan was shaken. In the second half, she granted her opponents a good deal of space. In the fifty-first minute Vashil Nahanor easily bypassed her, and passed to Zyante Meleherat, who scored.

Andrew approached her during the stop in play. "You okay?"

She nodded silently.

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"You hide it well."

She narrowed her eyes.

"Look, forget it."

Another thing to remember, and try and shake off once the game began. But she succeeded: she couldn't understand that she had, but once completely engrossed in the match, her worries mercifully faded.

And then the whistle blew, and it was full time. The matches were short, objectively speaking, but they seemed to make everything else fade in comparison.

Wentland

02-12-2007, 23:15

The final whistle went. Squeaky bum time, Hacker said in the interview afterwards. And that was certainly the case. Three games to go, four teams separated by a point. "Please don't call it the Group of Death," remarked Hacker, "with one of our players missing..."

Professor Magnus Salmon had it all worked out. "The final fixtures are crucial," he said to a Thomas Dolby soundtrack. "Look at the final games. Now, I have ranked each game with a degree of easiness, indicating the likelihood that the team fighting for a qualification place will get three points."

East Lithuania v Bostopia - 0.6
Green Wombat v Wentland - 0.5
Milchama v Lovisa - 0.4, 0.3

Bostopia v Prux - 0.6
Wentland v East Lithuania - 0.7
Lovisa v Green Wombat - 0.5
Nire and Nire v Milchama - 0.5

Nire and Nire v Bostopia - 0.4
East Lithuania v Lovisa - 0.6
Prux v Wentland - 0.5
Milchama v Green Wombat - 0.4

"If you add all the probabilities together, you get 1.6 for Bostopia, 1.7 for Wentland, 1.3 for Milchama and 1.4 for Lovisa.

"If you multiply....er, no, wait, you need to multiply the probabilities...that gives you...er...this calculator doesn't do repeat sums. No, add the probabilities and add to the points...and you get...err...do they give tenths of points?

"Err...what I mean is GO BLUE TITS!!!!"

Cafundeu

03-12-2007, 01:03

OLHO NO LANCE! YOUR SPORTS MAGAZINE!
$PECIAL $ECTION

WORLD CUP 38 QUALIFIERS COVERAGE - WITH GLOBO MULTIMEDIA
Written by Sílvio Ruiz, with comments from TV made by Breno Gavião (not available this time)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

AFUNDANDO OS RIVAIS NO PRÓPRIO MANICÔMIO DELES!

http://img100.imageshack.us/img100/3317/hospitalbu4.jpg
An image of the Sector-Delta, part of the Landau Institute

(*fourth short match report*)

Yes, this would be a great match report of how the Monopolists, already qualified for the World Cup, were able to destroy the Landau Institute National Team, which represents the country of Estresse Intenso. All the information inside this report comes from spies inside the Institute, and can not be accurate. Why? Because the leaders of the Landau Institute didn’t allow Globo Multimedia or other representatives of Cafundéu to enter in the Institute, for security reasons. Globo wasn’t allowed to broadcast the game, and the images that we have were brought by spies.

Changes and Absences: Léo Mattos, Toninho, Carlão and Vergara as starters.
Formation: offensive 4-4-2.
Opponent: a bunch of stupid doctors and their crazy patients.

According to our spies, Cafundéu scored first with Anormal, who invaded the area and shot. The opponents weren’t brave enough to face him. Carlão improved the advantage with a powerful header, and Heitor scored twice in the end of the first half to give the Monopolists a big advantage. In the second half, the substitutes Marcelinho and Ferreira scored to improve Cafundéu’s advantage. Estresse Intenso even could score twice, with the president and The Wanderer, but it wasn’t sufficient. Cafundéu won, and the referee couldn’t do anything this time to stop the team from winning.

http://img61.imageshack.us/img61/9070/hebertzi2.jpg
The referee Garth Valxen, who is in the nightmares of many Cafundelenses

ESTRESSE INTENSO 2x6 CAFUNDÉU

Place: Sector-Delta Sporting Field, in Insanis.
Attendance: 0 people (56,734,999 in the special rooms).
Referee: Garth Valxen (Wentland).
MOTM: Heitor (Cafundéu).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/estresse_intenso.png http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/choose_aname.png LANDAU INSTITUTE NT: Durão; Dr. Quevedo (Rebecca 45'), Prof. Bangu Melo and Fr. Anacleto (Íris 72'); Dr. Zetti, Dr. Sabin (Dr. Pitanguy 60'), The Wanderer, Bira and Prof. Selic; Dr. Landau and Gabalán.
Coach: The Machine v2.0

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Lauro; Léo Mattos, Toninho, Eduardo Monte and Carlão; Anormal, Vergara (Marcelinho 61’), Rato (Éverton 84’) and Neto; Heitor and Flecha (Ferreira 69’).
Coach: Franz Braddock.

Goals:EIT: Dr. Landau 79’ , Gabalán 83’.
CAF: Anormal 3’ , Carlão 20’ , Heitor 37’/44’ , Marcelinho 66’ , Ferreira 72’.

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Cafundéu – formation for game against Novapsolu: Lauro; Léo Mattos, Toninho, Souza and Carlão; Anormal, Vergara, Rato and Marcelinho; Ferreira and Flecha.
Coach: Franz Braddock.
Style of +3

Match’s Referee: Angelika Patensil (Bettia).

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Goalscorers after 11 games:

14- Heitor
8- Flecha
5- Ferreira
4- Neto and Anormal
2- Léo Mattos, Carlão and Marcelinho
1- Toninho, Carlos Magno, Rato, Fabrício and Eduardo Monte.
1 own goal

Nire and Nire

03-12-2007, 01:10

Nire and Nire Eliminated, Citizens' Focus Turns To 'Real World'

Estresse Intenso

03-12-2007, 02:17

BE CALM NEWSPAPER - HUGE LOSS: PRESIDENT RESIGNS

A football match normally doesn't have any big influence in a country. After all, it's just a game. But, before the match, the president of the Landau Institute, Doctor Rogério Landau, said that, if the team lost the game at home against the main rivals, the Monopolists of Cafundéu, he would abandon the leadership of the Institute and return to be just a normal doctor.

During the game, the team couldn't find a good way to attack, and suffered four goals still in the first half. The giant Anormal, the strong Carlão and the experienced Heitor were the villains. In the second half, nothing changed, as Marcelinho and Ferreira humiliated The Landau Institute's National Team. The president scored once, and so did Gabalán, but... we lost.

Landau abandoned his job as president of the Institute. He choose his successor: Professor Jesus Bangu Melo, probably his best friend inside the Landau Institute. The team has some games to play until the end of this cup's qualifiers, but the country is already eliminated. The last loss at home ashamed the patient and doctors.

And we heard the news about Cafundéu's group of agents trying to find Kita Oliver. They're just acting. They're involved in her kidnapping. Now they say that they have found the place where she is. They also say that soon they'll be able to rescue her and to capture the Mafia members. They're lying. Money is all that matters there. Of course the Legião paid the agents to wait some time before releasing the girl.

More news come now... that one of the kidnappers has been identified and was captured, while he was buying some bread and butter, probably to give to the woman in the next day's breakfast. If they captured one, they could easily capture the others... but no, this will take time...

Magnus Valerius

03-12-2007, 03:15

The Isangrad Times
Valerian Stint in World Cup 38 Pretty Much Over

SLANI owns The Valerian Empire, 7-2

After a 2-2 draw to Kelssek, the Valerian Empire went away to take on the best team in Group 6 for a matchday, Team SLANI from Commerce Heights. This team won easily over the Boyars last game, shutting them out 5-0 in their last matchup. The Valerians expected something similar would happen here, and they were right as SLANI makes seven goals against the Valerians, who could only put up a meager two goals, both made by Max von Hohenstauffen. The game was merely torture for some Valerians in the stand to see their defense falter, but alas, the Boyars are no longer a world class team as they were before, and it will take some work to get them on the charts as a formidable team once again.

The game started off with bad Valerian plays. The Boyars aggressively attacked the SLANI, but they could not get past their defense. The Boyars had their ball stolen away from them early on in one of their aggessive moves and had it turned against them as SLANI went on the offensive and scored their first point at the 9th minute by Dīmī́trīs Skalkṓtas. Alejandro Bolúfero made another one at the 15th minute, putting Dimitri Kim to shame as he desperately tried to hit the ball away from the goal. Bolúfero came back again and made another goal at the 26th minute, weaving through the Valerian defenses and sending the ball screaming into the goal. Ha Çūn-gīn came in at 30th, making it a 4th point for the SLANI. At the 34th, Włodzimirz Tokay came out of midfield, stealing a ball from Ivan Afinagorov and sending it towards the Valerian goal in a long range shot. At the 39th, Ha Çūn-gīn came in again and this automaton of a Korean knocked the football past the living Korean Dimitri Kim, making a sixth point for the SLANI. At the 44th, the demoralized Valerian defense could not hold back Bolúfero, who came in quickly and whizzed past the defensive lines.

In the second half, however, something miraculous happened. During half-time, something went a little haywire with the SLANI players. It appears that they were not even human, but were automatons, as some began shooting sparks from their eyes and mouthes. Some Valerians hear the 'physiologist' from SLANI speak, "Something went wrong with their Communication Interface! I think it's kind of shorted some of their Sports AI file deposits." This quite reduced the playing capability of the other team, and turned off their offensive capabilities definitely for the rest of the game. Whatever a 'communication interface' is, it proved to give the Boyars a chance to not get shut out at this football match.

This opportunity was worked by Max von Hohenstauffen, who made two goals in this part of the game, waltzing over the SLANI defense with the aid of Afinagorov and Kemerhadi. His first goal was at the 59th, and the last Valerian goal was at the 71st. This was a bad defeat, but without the glitches in the SLANI players's systems that happened to fire off, it could have been worse, and the Valerians could have went home empty-handed with no goals.

One element in the Valerians getting a pretty bad beating was because the opponent team was made up entirely up of automatons. The automatons could have unhuman strength and capabilities, given their metal bodies and lightning-quick reflexes. Are the Boyars less skilled than a group of artificial humanoids? Or maybe it is because the Valerians need a lot more experience in football on the international scene...

Vephrall

03-12-2007, 06:26

Speiler Intersotnig Illishong*, Speilers

Neencrycks moved forward, having completed the mandatory pre-flight security scan. Armed now with the knowledge that Parker Law's last known location was now known as the Northern Bettian city of Anyuna, that was now where he was going to go in an effort to find him. He did wish VephrIll** had a direct flight to Anyuna, though; alas, it was to be a rather long layover in Gabalfa.

"VephrIll flight 227 to Gabalfa now boarding at gate A6." The message was then repeated in Vephra over the PA system. The English version was perfectly sufficient for Neencrycks, and he made his way onto the aircraft and took his seat. It was a window seat, of course - Neencrycks was mildly claustrophobic, and being able to see the open sky around the plane calmed his nerves.

* * *

"VephrIll flight 193 from Gabalfa now arriving at gate A2."

Parker Law was just happy to get off the plane. Stupid Vephrese technology, he thought, a quarter century behind the rest of the world. His son and daughter-in-law, who left the plane right behind him, felt much the same way.

He was already in a bad mood. The three of them had come to Vephrall on vacation, bound for the famed beaches of east Shentarong***. Alas, he had apparently managed to confuse Speilers and Solonds when making travel arrangements and as such found himself on the opposite side of the country (he had discovered this less than an hour before boarding the plane).

Grumbling, he headed for the automobile rental. With the extra distance to travel, this was going to be more expensive than he'd hoped...

* Speilers International Airport

** Vephraller Illizog, Vephrall's largest airline

***A Vephrese state; see map (http://www.prism.gatech.edu/~gth681k/ns/vephrall/VephrallMap.png).

Kelssek

03-12-2007, 12:06

A dark alley in downtown Kirkenes

"Come on, connect the dots. Massive winning margins, beat Jeruselem... and who else has ridiculous amounts of money?"

Bob the Bookie sighed. "I hate it when someone other than me is fixing the matches."

"Actually, Bob," Ron said, "it might not be a fix."

"What else could it be then?"

"Listen, there's all kinds of scrutiny on the referees and on sport these days. They've got whole supercomputers looking out for strange betting patterns. Whoever's doing it has got something far more sophisticated..."

"You can't possibly mean..."

"That's right. Someone out there has successfully created the Infinite Improbability Drive."

Bob the Bookie's mind reeled at the possibilities. He slowly made himself a cup of instant coffee and then opened one of his desk drawers, producing a pair of dice.

"Gentlemen, I reccomend we use these to fix the odds from now on."

The Archregimancy

03-12-2007, 13:27

THE MONASTIC TIMES

TUAIM VICTORY LEAVES SQUAD POORLY PLACED
Fr. Demetrius Challenges Casarans to 'Booze-Up'

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

Following the welcome 2-1 home loss to Casari, spirits were high in the Monastic Football Association, as it looked like the team had turned a corner following their appalling run of six matches without a loss in the first half of qualification. Unfortunately, an inexplicable 4-0 victory over Tuaim leaves the squad in a dangerous position, perilously close to qualification despite their best efforts. Only goal difference separates the Archregimancy from third-placed Ad'ihan.

"I can't explain it" said a senior archimandrite, speaking on condition of anonymity. "And I don't think anyone else who watched last night's game can explain it either. How on earth did we fail to lose? How did we score four? How did we concede none? We were magnificently incompetent - there's just no rational explanation."

Sources close to the squad have been quick to point out that the Archregimancy doesn't typically specialise in rational explanations. "The Lord works in mysterious ways, His wonders to perform" said Fr. Seraphim the Occasionally Dangerously Free-Thinking Theologian. "It is not for us to question the workings of the Lord our God, revealed to us through His energies, though His essence remains unknowable. If, through some divine intervention, we are able to prevail despite our best efforts, and against our desires, perhaps we should start to question whether what we desire is indeed desirable."

When asked if this meant he was implying that it would be sinful to not qualify for the World Cup, Fr. Seraphim merely smiled enigmatically.

In other news, a briefly sort of sober Fr. Demetrius the Drunkard has expressed his disappointment with reports in the Casaran media that alcohol was frowned upon in the Archregimancy. "I quite ashure my Casharan friendsh that alcohol ish quite popular in the Archregimanshy" slurred the alcoholic forward. "What do they think we Shlavs drink anyway? Water? Why, I'm pershonally reshponshible for vodka producshon at Sholovetshky Monashtery [hic]. If thosh Catholic shchishmatic bashtardsh think they can drink me under the table, they're welcome to faysh off againsht me in a boosh-up, here or in their heretical country [hic]. We'll shoon she that the papishts can't hold their drink." The MFA are said to be concerned that Fr. Demetrius's challenge may be 'unbecoming to a monk' but have not actively censored the proposal.

Kura-Pelland

03-12-2007, 14:08

MD12 RP cutoff

Tynelia

03-12-2007, 16:50

Gathered in a rented auditorium, the senior monks of the New Othydoxic Christian Church of Reborn Othydoxy gathered together for the first Religious Policy Making Meeting to try and resolve their greatest threat to date. The seniormost monk Brother James addressed the gathering.

“My brothers and sisters of the church, we have come together this day to decide if our creed should be altered to fit either of the ideas of Brothers John and David or remain at is was in our othydoxyism. It is vital that we come to a decision swiftly as already the Lord of Scores has turned from us as a result of our squabbling to find the mighty Hippos once more fall to a lowly turtle for the second straight time. This loss is on us all for our doubts regarding his way set out before us. Saint Michael himself no doubt shakes his head sadly that we can not come together as one. But now let Brother John speak his piece.”

Brother John then strode to the center of the auditorium and holding his hands out imploringly addressed his brethren.

“My fellow Othydoxyians, the Lord of Scores has turned from us because our vision is too narrow, too limited. Who among us has not lamented the more fickle of our faith who come and go from the order each season. Even now our numbers may fade once more when the World Cup is over. If the Lord of Scores is as eternal and all-powerful as we say his vision can not be limited to but a single sport played for part of a season. No my brethren, His light must in fact shine down on any and all sports which require scores, even things as simple as cards may in fact be a more leisurely form of worship. Else why are scores kept? All these sports and events must in fact partake in the Lord of Scores’ light and bask in His approval. Who are we to deny these new potential members to the faith just because their Scores are not the same Scores we follow? Any who follow the path of the Score must be welcomed into our order. So let the basketball fan walk among us as brothers as their faith is shown in the hundreds. Let the hockey fan, who also seeks to see their team enter the sacred net of scores be of our kinsmen. Even the poker player who keeps score by the chips, cast also in the circular image of the Lord of Scores pins we hand out before each world cup home match, can in truth follow our path. Open your hearts my brethren, let the order grow so that Othydoxyism becomes the one true faith of Tynelia!”

Jumping to his feet Brother David began to protest even as Brother John sat down.

“No, no a thousand times NO! Poker players? Card Players? Such a sedentary path can not possibly be allowed to even be considered part of our order. The Lord of Scores is about activity that will help its followers live long lives through exercise as they pay homage to their Lord. A Lord who, as we all know by the tale of Saint Michael, appears to us in the form of a round ball. Not a square card, not a flattened hockey puck, but a sphere, representing completeness and the perfect shape- equal on all sides just as everyone who walks His path is but a simple monk. No fancy jewelry, no fancy clothing, just a simple monk’s robe, just as our founder Brother James to this day still wears. However, we must ask ourselves. Was this sphere seen by Saint Michael in fact a soccer ball, or was it simply the image that most holy man associated it with because of his inner turmoil within the holy sport? Could it not in fact been a volleyball? A baseball perhaps? Softball? Basketball with its great devotion to the holy score? Bowling with the quest for the ‘perfect score’? Perhaps the Lord of Scores wishes us to embrace all sports using the holy sphere. Not a hideously shaped football or archery, but only sports using a true sphere reflecting the true faith of his followers? Truly you must see that by ignoring these other sports of the sphere we are in fact doing a disservice to our Lord by shunning those who follow but a slightly different aspect of our own belief yet one as valid as our own. I pray that you shall all see this to be the new truth and turn your hearts away from the Keeper’s path that Brother John has lain before you.”

Amidst the murmurs of the gather, Brother James stepped up as Brother David left the floor and stood watching his fellow monks before addressing them in a calm voice.

“My brothers, as Brother David has said, it was I who took the humble first steps in what has become our great order. And it was in honor of the Lord of Scores and his blessings for our poor soccer team. And look at the results, since the church was founded we have yet to fail to make the World Cup itself, surely a sign of our Lord’s blessing. And we did so without the support of those following any other sport but soccer. Now we find ourselves barely hanging on to a qualification spot with but two matches remaining, a test sent before us by our Lord. And we are wavering. No doubt Brothers John and David have only the best of intentions with their words but their paths are not the path of the Lord of Scores. He who smote the foul Archregimancy from the World Cup for their hatred of our order. However I have but one word to say to refute both their ideas. And that word is…GOLF!”

As the monks gasped and to Brother James’ delight, the blanched looks on both Brother John and Brother David’s faces, Brother James went on.

“That’s right my brothers, golf. Another sport which keeps score as Brother John says, and one that uses the perfect sphere of Brother David’s claims. But a sport which rewards the LOWEST score. Where a high score is not applauded but indeed greeted with horror! How can such a sport reflect the will of the Lord of Scores? He who seeks only increases in scores, and is beseeched for His blessing that the petitioner’s team beat the other. How can one say, ‘O Lord of Scores, grant me less of thy blessings’ in prayer and call themselves Othydoxyist? Yet this is the very thing Brother John and Brother David would have us do in their misinterpretation of the Lord of Scores’ will. I say we can not do this and still call ourselves servants of our Lord. Some other Lord may very well welcome such heretical beliefs but NOT our Lord of Scores! NOT Margaret His Prophetess and most certainly would Saint Michael roll over in his grave were such ideas to become part of our creed. You have heard all sides my brothers, let the Lord of Scores guide you in your choices as we stand on the edge of the cliff, do we leap off? Shall we tumble down its face or shall we turn away and return to our proper paths. It is in your hands.”

<Several hours later>

Brother James comes forth with a piece of paper and addresses the monks once more.

“My brothers, the holy scorekeepers have tallied your votes and on this sheet before me lies the future of our faith. 1000 strong came this day and spoke with their voices. Hear now what you have all said. Of Brother John’s interpretation only three of you deem this our proper path. Of Brother David’s a mere thirty two. The other 965 of you agree that the faith must remain as it was when it was brought forth. There shall be no changes to our creed, no additions of lesser sports to the true path of our Lord. Those of you who deny this truth may come for atonement if you wish to repent or else you must leave the order if you will not. The Church has spoken! May our newly strengthened faith restore the Lord of Scores’ blessings upon his team in the matches to come.”

Candelaria And Marquez

03-12-2007, 18:06

What the Papers Say

Much comment is passed in the Candelariasian press regarding national team manager Mark Baker’s admission that his team “are no better than they were four years ago.” In statistical terms those remarks are unarguable according to the Albrecht Herald, who point out that even if C&M win their two remaining qualifying games they will still end up with only twenty-six points – precisely their tally from World Cup 37 Qualifying.

A major explanation for this may well come at the back where they have already let in fourteen goals – compared to last season’s total of nine. The partnership of Sam Young and Benji Fu came in for the bulk of the criticism; the defenders having each made errors that contributed directly to Jeruselem’s two goals in Albrecht. Though their club side Albrecht FC sit comfortably third in the CMSC; the pair’s form has been strongly criticised all season by fans, ex-players and pundits alike and the Albrecht Mercury and the National Reporter among those predicting that Baker may soon have to seriously consider breaking up the faltering pairing to stop defensive humiliation at the World Cup or – heaven forbid – the Cup of Harmony.

That right-back Walter Jordan will once again be dropped against Uiri is largely taken for granted after the Caires City player had another mare against the Princesses. Yet Baker will face a selection dilemma in one of his more problematic positions, according to The Candelariasian after Jordan also helped contribute to C&M’s equaliser early in the second half. He and O’Sullivan Caras may have struggled to recapture their own partnership in the league this season, but internationally their bond remains strong and for a brief while the Jeruselem left was left bewildered by their rapid overlaps and crosses into the box. From one such cross, José Felipe Cassumba Domingos rose beyond Cuppie Kokai to nod down for Ignacio Vélez.

His goal gave C&M forlorn hope with Jeruselem looking utterly dominant before immediately before and after the equaliser. In their four meetings, the Daily News and El Periodico del Arrigo believe this was the Jeruselemite’s strongest performance against C&M to date and were widely seen as being unlucky not to score more. El Periodico at least lead the way in praising C&M’s own goal-getter, Ignacio Vélez. With his seventeenth goal in thirty-one matches (twenty-three of them starts), no-one can argue that the Marquezian hitman is not doing his fair share of the job. El Periodico, the Herald and the Noticias de las islas are all innocent of hyperbole in suggesting that the country’s campaign would have long since have ended in failure without the reliable twenty-six-year-old.

The visit of Jeruselem themselves was relatively low-key this time around, though the Mercury was none the less full to bursting in the week leading up to the game with a series of spurious kiss-and-tells, young Jewish Candelariasian girls with their tops off and a hotchpotch of those tedious “satirical” cartoons prevalent in the international media months ago and belatedly catching on in the C&M press. All this is inevitably coupled with reports of planned demonstrations by a variety of Christian and Muslim groups (few of which appeared to materialise thanks to the work of the Albrecht Met) and articles from eighty-year-old conservatives and militant feminists roundly condemning the Greater Prussian state for everything from teenage pregnancies to global warming.

The Mercury and Herald meanwhile both report that much of the Jeruselem squad were kept awake the night before the game by a noisy protest conducted by a diverse selection of oddballs who managed to sneak through police barriers outside the team hotel in the Bramlive district of the capital. A spokeswoman for the visiting team later insisted however that the players hadn’t noticed.

Any number of the Princess Katherine’s stalkers – ranging from two individuals in The Candelariasian to fourteen in the Mercury – were arrested for violating orders banning them from the city in the weeks prior to and after the game. At least one, believed to be an Ariddian citizen, was deported soon after.

Back to the football however, and despite the disappointing manner of the defeat there still remains optimism in most papers; with C&M’s final two games at home to Uiri and Kelssek and rivals Kiryu-shi away at Magnus Valerius and then Uiri themselves. With a bit of luck, the Herald boldly predicts, C&M’s game with the Uir in Arrigo next month could prove a time for major celebration.

From the Rushmore Sport Daily’s Brian Kennedy Column

__________________________________

Candelaria And Marquez possessed what was technically known as an omnipresent government, and nowhere was this truer than the capital Albrecht.

Sukie Rohaert had cause to curse this as she trudged through another seemingly pointless courtyard, getting soaked once more before entering a long, cream corridor. A series of helpful cleaners had pointed her in the direction of you’ll-be-wanting-Mr-Hernández’ office, but she’d long since lost her bearings. Certainly, she’d left her original starting point, the Ministry of Social Affairs on Cohonda Street in Central, far behind. She’d spotted the minaret of the Abdul-Ur-Umar Mosque on Little Street at one point, but that had been half an hour ago. For all she knew – and given how far she’d walked – she might well have been in Magnus by now, or even left the capital altogether. Heaven only knew just how many jobs the governmental complexes employed, one way or another.

Along the way she’d met a man who appeared to make a living selling cheese-‘n’-onion crisps to the victims of the government’s sprawldom, had taken a detour to what appeared for all the world to be an abandoned gypsy encampment in the middle of a dusty library, and been (probably) accidentally locked in a broom cupboard by a hopeful janitor. She’d turned him down politely, and thanked something vaguely metaphysical that she’d decided to make a day of it. She’d packed a picnic and everything.

Presently, she arrived in a corridor marked out by having fellow life-forms walking through it. Once such, lent against a wall, bore one of the most recognisable faces in the Candelarias. She scowled at him. He grinned at her toothily and wandered over.

“Ms. Rohaert?”

“That’ll do, yes. It’s nice to meet you, Mr. Baker. Though granted it’s nice to meet anyone with a decent claim to be part of civilization after the amount of time I’ve been walking.”

“It’s a large complex, isn’t it?”

“We could rehouse several dozen small countries in there!”

“For all I know they may well have done… Are you alright?” he asked as Sukie slumped into a corner and tried to get her breath back. “You could’ve just taken the bus, y’know? Most of them know their way around this place alright.”

She glared at him again. “Thanks for the heads-up. I’ll bare that in mind next time. Um. Jerry kind of hinted there’d be more than just me here. And I know for a fact I’m not early…”

“Yea… I asked others. Other people with the sort of information you’ve got I could take to Hernández but… It seems they’ve chickened out.”

“Oh, that’s good to know. It’s just my head going on the chopping block then, is it? Y’know, I’ve really got better things to be doing than this.”

“Oh? What were your plans for today otherwise?”

“Um. I’d be wading through some sweet and sour king prawn balls with cashew nuts and looking at amusingly-captioned photos of cats, probably. Oh, and C&M Idol’s on early tonight. What? Oh, it’s the audition stage. I like the audition stage.”

“We all have a cross to bear, Ms. Rohaert.”

“What exactly have I got to be worried about, anyway? Who actually is you’ll-be-wanting-Mr- Hernández? I know the name bu–”

“That would be me, Sukie,” a voice behind her said evenly. Sukie swivelled to see the vaguely bell-ringing face of Lyndon Hernández. He smiled. “I must admit, you make an unlikely pair… You best come into my office…”

Ariddia

03-12-2007, 18:44

Ariddia loses perfect winning streak

Having already achieved qualification, coach Jane Sanderson could afford the luxury of fielding the Ariddian “B team” in Vilita, and did exactly that. The entire bench (save for n°23 Anastasya Loskov, the third goalie) were cast as the starting eleven, while the usual starting eleven remained on the bench. It was time to see what Ariddia’s “backups” could do.

What they did was put up a good fight against a strong Vilitan side, who knew that to lose the game would mean to slip further towards elimination. The Rouge-et-Noirs condeded the opening goal –something of a rare occurrence– before Ötei Kim equalised, quarter of an hour before half-time. Aa Senecky gave the Ariddians the lead for a short while in the second half, until Vilita equalised in turn for a hard-earned draw. Ariddia’s unbroken string of eleven consecutive victories had been ended.

“It’s a shame we couldn’t set a perfect qualifying run, but that’s not the most important,” Sanderson said. “What counts is that our backup players have had valuable experience today.”

In related news, Ariddian authorities would neither confirm nor deny that an Ariddian Islander citizen of unspecified age and gender has allegedly been deported from Candelaria And Marquez, apparently for stalking Jeruselem's Princess Katherine.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/vilita.png Vilita 2-2 Ariddian Isles http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/the_ariddian_isles.png

Sorthern Northland

03-12-2007, 18:56

As the final whistle blew at Estadio Fidel Castro at the end of the final game in Castrograd 45,000 fans rather than walking out into the dark cold night remained at their seats. They were waiting for news from Saint Maria. The capital of St Samuel may not usually be of interest to Sorthern Northlanders, but today it could hold the key to the World Cup finals. A quarter of an hour passed before the stadiums PA systems crackled into life.

"The scores from the other three games in group four are as follows", announced a female voice.
"The Pazhujeb Islands four, Bergelland three", there was no reaction from the stands this result meant nothing.
Northern Bettia nil, Demot five, this time there was a few murmurs of surprise, and then finally "St Samuel one 45,000 drew in their breathes and prayed the next words would be Oliverry nil. The few seconds between St Samuels score being word out and Oliverry's being read out seemed to last for ever, but eventually the announcer read out their score. "Oliverry four." As the stadiums heard this, 45,000 seemed resigned to not qualifying.

At this point the stadium started to empty rapidly, among those leaving were Jon and Dave, two friends who had been going to football together for over ninety years. They had been to every single Sorthern Northland game together and would do so until they died.

"So, shall we go to the pub then?" Jon asked quietly.

"I'm not, I just want to go home and have some peace and quiet," replied Dave.

"Alright well I'll see you later then Jon."

With that the pair sent their separate ways.

Dave then went into a bush and through a hidden door. He was inside the top secret, secret base of the top secret Sorthern Northland Secret Service. The base of course was fairly obvious due to the signpost that read 'Top Secret, Secret Service Base, Next Right' to help workers find it. Dave then spoke to the Commander.

"Alright Boss, so how are you thinking of getting out team into the World Cup?"

"Well", the Commander shouted, "the idea I have is to kidnap the entire Oliverry team and replace them with a number of farmyard animals."

"Right that could work."

"It will work Dave, it will"

"Right well I'll get my team onto it."

"Good stuff, Dave." he paused "Oh and Dave?"

"Yes?"

"Don't forgot this, JONNY DO IT BRUV."

"Erm I think it's JIMMY DO ONE BRUV, boss."

"Nope it's defiantly JONNY DO IT BRUV."

"Whatever."

Bostopia

03-12-2007, 19:06

OOC: This is what happens when you state on IRC “If Miami lose I'll write a RP sucking up to Oliverry throughout it.” Sigh.

http://www.btinternet.com/~david.boston/_bostopia/dailymailheader.png

Bostopia Close To Qualification

Bostopia can grab qualification to World Cup 38 in Kura-Pelland and Vephrall with a win over Prux at home in the next qualification game. Oliverry are in the same position, and are looking strong to qualify. They play Sorthern Northland tomorrow, who are lying in 4th, and need to beat Oliverry and then have Oliverry lose against The Pazhujeb Islands, which does not look likely at all.

Oliverry have been playing well this World Cup, with a record of 7 wins, 3 draws and 2 losses, which is one loss less than Bostopia, who's second loss came against Lovisa. Oliverry could yet finish first, should Northern Bettia and Demot lose their next two matches.

Bostopia could of course finish first, but this is less likely than Oliverry's chances, with Wentland and Milchama ahead on goal difference.

Qazox

03-12-2007, 19:15

DEC 19 1933 (Onimar)

Stella Morehouse and Stephen Cork managed to score easy goals as we cruised to a 2-0 win over Onimar, moving to a win or draw and/or a Endmile loss in the next game from going back to the World Cup.

The nanoprobes found in Ty Reed's blood are resisting every test that Dr. Hadel is attempting. Appearently, the nanotech is so advanced, that specialists from the Future Tech Retrofix lab have been called in to assist with trying to access the nanoprobes.

The quarentined players are now all rejecting Dr. Hadel's bionics. This leaves me with a problem, as the next match is with Az-cz. Should I continue to start the young players, or risk sending the malfunctioning one out there, seeing as this game is very important for World Cup chances?

SCORING SUMMARY:
(Qazox): Morehouse- 46', Cork- 79'

Green wombat

03-12-2007, 19:26

Jason Vallens World Cup Blog:

Matchday 12 vs. Wentland.

Wentland just ran over us like we weren't even there. a 6-1 loss, one of the worst in team history and we slip futher into the depths. Wentland's Kaz Flack scored 4 goals while Stacey Cadman surpisingly added two goals as well in the rout. Claudia Bard managed to score in the 63rd minute to keep the Wombats from being shut-out.

SCORING SUMMARY:
Wentland: Flack- 15'
Wentland: Cadman- 26'
Wentland: Flack- 39'
Wentland: Flack- 52'
Green wombat: Bard- 63'
Wentland: Cadman- 68'
Wentland: Flack- 86'

In other Group action: Nire and Nire pounded Prux 3-1, Bostopia battled past East Lithuania 1-0 and Milchama manhandled Lovisa 3-0. The race for the top 3 sees Bostopia, Milchama and Wentland all tied with a 8-1-3 record, with Lovisa still mathematically alive with a 6-3-3 record. If the top 3 all win their next matches, than all 3 will qualify.

Up next is a trip to Lovisa. They still have a chance and they won't allow a 0-0 draw again, they edge us out 1-2.

Prux

03-12-2007, 19:42

PRUX' TOP NINE LIST VS. Nire and Nire Part 2

#9- Nire and Nire slapped the Prawns around 3-1.

#8- The Prawns have appeantly decide to mail in the rest of the matches as only 9 players took the field.

#7- 007 managed to score again in the 47th minute to make it 1-0.

#6- Youn Grand tied it at 1-1 in the 54th.

#5- Youn Grand scored again to make it 2-1 in the 63rd minute.

#4- Cro Minia managed to slip one past E. Nigma int he 87th to provide the final score of 3-1.

#3- FAST FACT: 007, despite his license to kill, has not killed anyone?

#2- The loss drops Prux to 2-5-5, back down to 6th in the group.

#1- The next match is @ Bostopia.

TOP TEN LIST (Italics have clinched World Cup Berth)
1- Errinundera (12-0-0) +42 GD (prev #2)
2- ESF (12-0-0) +33 GD (prev #4)
3- Az-cz (11-1-0) +40 GD (prev #3)
4- Ariddia (11-1-0) +47 GD (prev #1)
5- Sel Appa (11-1-0) +34 GD (prev #5)
6- Cafundéu (10-1-1) +40 GD (prev #7)
7- Capitalizt SLANI (11-0-1) +38 GD (prev #6)
8- Zwangzug (10-0-2) +28 GD (prev #10)
9- Demot (8-4-0) +32 GD (Unranked)
10- Jeruselem (9-2-1) +35 GD (Unranked)
Dropped Out:
Bettia (9-0-3) (was #8)
Bazalonia (9-0-3) (was #9)

BOTTOM 6:
#75- New Morissia 1-3-8 -18GD
#76- Miceland 0-4-8 -23GD
#77- Bergelland 1-0-11 -19GD
#78- Pinguinum 0-1-11 -40GD
#79- Rangpur 0-1-11 -41GD
#80- Randovium 0-0-12 -27GD

Waiting list:
Merovis, Mallatarsland, Thundercliffe

Ariddia

03-12-2007, 21:55

Future of Ariddian Isles' football discussed

It has long been assumed that, when West Ariddia joins the Federation, West Ariddian football players will be selected to join the fearsome Rouge-et-Noirs, currently one of the best national football teams in the world. Talks between football associations across the Staits of Grey [sea which seperates West Ariddia from the Ariddian mainland - ed.], however, have hit an unexpected snag. West Ariddian businesses are keen to become official sponsors for one of the world's top teams, but the Ariddian Football Association (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/ariddian_football_association.html) has a one hundred and forty-six year history of refusing private sponsors.

http://img106.imageshack.us/img106/5892/footballsexy2yw5.png
West Ariddian soft drinks company SunnyFizz (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/sunnyfizz.html) (TM) is keen to tap into the football craze.

70 year-old AFA President Evgheny Melenciuc (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/evgheny_melenciuc.html) said: "The Ariddian team has never been sponsorised by private companies. We don't need private sponsors, and we don't want them. Football isn't about money. Not in Ariddia. We don't want that to change."

Interviewed at a West Ariddian stadium, random fan Jane Hernandez said she hoped an agreement could be reached.

http://img140.imageshack.us/img140/5866/femalefan2smay8.jpg
"I hope they can reach an agreement," says a football fan.

"I can't see why the Ariddians don't want West Ariddian sponsors. Seriously, where's the harm? It just sounds like commie nonsense. That ideology stuff. There are more important things to argue about."

Wentland

03-12-2007, 22:57

THE GLOBE
SIX APPEAL!!!

The miracle is almost on. Wentland's women - twenty-two of them, still awaiting the release of Kita Oliver - are on the brink of qualification for the World Cup. Two points from two easy games should suffice.

This is thanks to a shellacking of Green Wombat where the Blue Tits hit their opponents for six. This sixy performance was led by Kaz Flack, who hit a foursome, augmented by Stacey Cadman's splendid pair, to put the girls on top.

Flack scored, as she so often does, early on, getting on the end of a decent lob, before Cadman whipped in a free-kick. The third came a few more before half-time when Flack came again to squeak in at the back.

Flack's hat-trick came early in the second half, before a consolation brought the rampant Tits back down to earth. Cadman made it five - and her second - with a bounteous shot from distance and Flack, whom Hacker tried to pull off a couple of minutes earlier, got on the end of one very late to make it six.

With such a display of rampant six, the Blue Tits are within a gnat's crotchet of making the finals, but thoughts turn to Cafundeu and whether Kita Oliver is still safe. A controversial decision was made to put a Went referee in charge of the Estresse v Cafundeu match, but it was so one-sided there could be no allegation of bias - and perhaps some goodwill from the Cafundeu kidnappers to release Oliver.

Zwangzug

03-12-2007, 23:50

"Where's number five?"

"Right here, coach," Gary waved.

"I just looked there."

He shrugged innocently. "I just got here."

"All right, well, where were you before that?"

"Hanging out over there." He gestured vaguely to where Natalie was quietly going over her scant notes on Taeshan.

"Fine. Whatever. You're starting."

"Cool."

Gary thought it would be easy to score against the Purple Knights, but found it considerably difficult. The midfielders fluidly supported the defense, and shot after shot was stymied.

In the seventy-first minute, however, Brendan won the ball away from Ashlie Martin, and powerfully passed up to Gary. He sent it to Peter, who motored forward and scored.

Mcgimpy was pleased after the game. "Nice pass there, five."

He shrugged awkwardly. "No better than any other. Peter knew where to be?"

"Yeah, but did you?"

Mildly affronted, he replied, "Evidently."

"You looked out of position the whole game."

Gaping, he turned to Peter, considered the closest thing the team had to an authority. "Do we do things differently in Albrecht?"

"Looked fine to me."

"It could be possible," Ursula added in her usual tone, "that the default position for a center-forward is not necessarily as far from the other goal as possible to avoid an offsides call. Just a thought."

"U ¬wud no it her," Phillip muttered.

"You're implying that there are other ways to play football besides ours?" Megan gasped sarcastically.

"Yeah," Andrew called over, "like losing."

Jeruselem

04-12-2007, 00:25

http://img470.imageshack.us/img470/8564/jgnlogohe2.png

Jeruselem World Cup coach admits to dating "Scooter"

Jeruselem World Cup Sark Kozy admitted today he was dating Scarlet Ferris, one of current team members. He said the thing started during a Jeruselem FA Christmas party when he had drive a drunk "Scooter" home and she admitted to having a bit of thing for him. The middle-aged Frenchman figured this was only way he could get a wife and it was bonus she was a French girl.

The pair were spotted earlier having a holiday in Oliverry together and hanging around at parties together. She spoke about Scooter
"You know, first time I saw her - I thought she was a bit of dumb French girl. But she's quite smart as she was in the same classes as Skate. She's quite French, but she has a bad tendency to get a bit drunk at parties which is also quite expected considering who her friends are. She's taking cooking lessons so she can be a good wife. She likes cooking and well, other activities too. She makes me feel a bit younger."

Scooter said
"He looks like a meanie on the outside but he's just like any man. He needs understanding and someone to share a life with. He's got no family in Jeruselem so I think he needs to make his own. It's hard to keep our personal and professional lives separate but we do it. I'm just an ordinary woman too, I want a man and a family too. The age difference doesn't bother me at all. Oh, he doesn't share my interest in Scooters though - he's a car man. I think it's his lack of balance. And one has to act with all those French girls in our team, so much temptation around! Those Arridian women ... like Skate."

In other news, a "Mouse Dancing" craze has hit Catholic schoolgirls. Probably caused by certain women on the Jeruselem World Cup football team, the sexy bottom wiggling dance originated from Dazza Dallas (when she's drunk) but seems to have caught on with her daughter - who is copied by schoolgirls. The dance is banned at most Protestant schools and most conversative schools but nuns at Catholic schools tolerate it because it seems to take the girls mind off more sinful things. The craze probably started when some Tel Aviv Sharks female players imitated the owner (Dazza) on field as a parody.

This was on display when Jeruselem qualified for the final of the World Cup 38 away from at C&M. The local team lead 1-0 against Skate's Princesses but Jeruselem showed why it has lost only one game, storming back to grab the win 2-1 despite a hostile local protesters and stalkers. The girls from Jeruselem put on a show with a synchonised display of "Mouse dancing" - wowing the men and annoying their girlfriends or partners.

Jeruselem will be playing a "B" team for the next two games to let the star players have a rest and let the young'uns have a hit out.

Cafundeu

04-12-2007, 00:34

OLHO NO LANCE! YOUR SPORTS MAGAZINE!
$PECIAL $ECTION

WORLD CUP 38 QUALIFIERS COVERAGE - WITH GLOBO MULTIMEDIA
Written by Sílvio Ruiz, with comments from TV made by Breno Gavião

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ROUND DOIS CONTRA NOVAPSOLU. NOVAMENTE, UMA VITÓRIA BRILHANTE

http://img505.imageshack.us/img505/3445/flamengoxsopaulozl3.jpg
Players commemorate one of the goals

Cafundéu’s NT got prepared to play its last game at home during this World Cup’s qualifiers. The opponent was the team of Novapsolu. A team that played the last World Cup as the host country, and seemed good. Although one game can’t say much, Cafundéu didn’t have difficulties to score many goals against Novapsolu in the first game, winning by the surprising result of 7x0. Now, in the capital city of Cafundéu, the Monopolists were expecting another win.

Changes and Absences: many changes due to players being suspended.
Formation: offensive 4-4-2.
Opponent: a team that we easily defeated in the first leg of the qualifiers.

THE FIRST HALF: this time, Novapsolu seemed much more cautious and prepared for a game against the red-black team. In the first minutes of the game, Graves nearly scored a goal after taking the ball from Souza and shooting. Lauro made a good save. But, after the initial good moment, Novapsolu made a mistake. The defender Eisen slipped and Ferreira took the ball from him. When Ferguson left the goal, Ferreira passed the ball to Vergara, who could score the first goal of the game.

It was necessary for Novapsolu to react. Although the game didn’t have any importance in the road of both countries to the qualification (as both were already qualified), it was a game between two good National Teams. And the visitors showed that they wouldn’t lose this game easily. Sheeney made a long ranged pass to Soureff in the attack. The midfielder dribbled Toninho with style and shot to score the goal. Both teams started to try to score the second goal, but the defences worked really well, and the first half ended in a draw.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 1 (Vergara’s goal): “Eisen with the ball, Novapsolu can starrrrrt an attack now... wow! He slipped! The ball now is with Ferrrrrrrreirrrrra, Eisen still on the grrrrround. Ferrrrrrrreirrrrra invaded the arrrrrea, passes the ball to Verrrrrgarrrrra... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! As ever, the rrrrreplay now! Verrrrrgarrrrra, number fifteen! Cafundéu one, Novapsolu zerrrrro! Things for your garrrrrden, flowerrrrrs to decorrrrrate your house or to give to your loved ones... buy them in Deserto de Rrrrrosas!”

http://img89.imageshack.us/img89/7187/spursvborozt8.jpg
Novapsolu players commemorate a goal

THE SECOND HALF: both teams returned to the second half hoping to score the second goal and to take the lead on the scoreline. But the game was difficult, disputed in the midfield, and both teams seemed very equal. Cafundéu, with the help of its supporters and with a bit more experience, was able to slowly taking advantage on the midfield, and soon was able to attack with danger. In one play, Carlos Magno received the ball inside the area, dribbled a defender and shot. Ferguson made a good save. Novapsolu could reply with Briggs, after getting a rebound. He headed the ball, but sent it over the bar.

Time was passing, and the score was the same. But the Monopolists were just waiting for the right time to finish with the game. In one of the fastest plays of these qualifiers, Léo Mattos took the ball from an opponent, ran to the wing, passed it to Fabrício inside the area who passed the ball to Carlos Magno, who dribbled the goalkeeper and shot to score the goal. Later, Marcelinho crossed the ball to the area and Fabrício headed it with accuracy to score the last goal of the game, giving the victory to Cafundéu.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 2 (Carlos Magno’s goal): “Léo Mattos in the rrrrright side of the defence. Starrrrts to rrrrrun, ball is passed, passed again, the drrrrribble... oh, my God, I can’t follow the play and... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! This time we’ll need the rrrrreplay! Carrrrrlos Magno, number nineteen! Cafundéu two, Novapsolu one! Fever, corrrrryza, sneezing, coughing, weakness? Against all those symptoms, the best solution is... Aprrrrracur! This medicine came frrrrrom the heavens to save you!”

CURIOUS MOMENTS: one of the biggest sponsors of the National Team, Velog cars, prepared a surprise for the supporters. A key was hidden somewhere in the stadium. The first one to find it would win a new Carnaval car, the newest car of Velog. A blind man found the keys before anyone else and won the car. He said that he would sell the car to buy a small house to live, as he was homeless. Also, during the game, a crow landed in the field, and stayed there for nearly ten minutes, before being hit by the ball.

JORGE LANG - INTERVIEWS: one more game, one more win. This time, the Cafundelense NT seems very prepared for the World Cup, ready to make an excellent campaign. We hope to see it. The coach Franz Braddock, in the interview, told me: “I must admit. This team is impressive. They can make an excellent campaign in the World Cup. I’m proud to be able to participate in this team, I feel that this is a team that will go to history.”

The players were happy with the team’s good form too. The midfielder Carlos Magno told me: “I had an excellent game today. The rest of the team also did a very good job. It’s good to see that my goal changed the fate of the game, maybe I can start to play as a starter because of it.” Captain Anormal said: “Just two more games and we’ll travel to the World Cup. We have the chance to travel just after a win against Errinundera, why not?”

BEST PLAYERS OF THE GAME (Ruiz’s opinion): this time, Novapsolu played well, and some of its players deserve to be mentioned here. The goalkeeper Ferguson made some good saves. The midfielder Novegul was playing well, holding the offensive midfielders of Cafundéu before being substituted. Soureff scored the goal, and Brennan was dangerous. In Cafundéu, Léo Mattos was great once again, the same I can say about Marcelinho and Vergara. The attackers didn’t have an excellent day. The best player was Carlos Magno.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 3 (Fabrício’s goal): “Anorrrrrmal passes the ball to Marrrrrcelinho in the left wing. The midfielder avoids Arrrrron and rrrrruns to the end of the field. The ball is crrrrrossed to the arrrrrrea, Fabrrrrrício appearrrrrs firrrrrrst to head the ball... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! An rrrreplay now! Fabrrrrrício, number twenty-thrrrrree! Cafundéu thrrrrree, Novapsolu one! Paper. Something essential nowadays. And the best paper is Papel Dubom!”

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Flecha in the game

CAFUNDÉU 3x1 NOVAPSOLU

Place: Praça Maior, in Cafundó do Juta.
Attendance: 177,901 people.
Referee: Angelika Patensil (Bettia).
MOTM: Carlos Magno (Cafundéu).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Lauro; Léo Mattos, Toninho, Souza and Carlão; Anormal, Vergara (Del Valle 68’), Rato (Carlos Magno 30’) and Marcelinho; Ferreira (Fabrício 59’) and Flecha.
Coach: Franz Braddock.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/novapsolu.png NOVAPSOLU: Ferguson; Reems, Neasel and Eisen; Sheeney (Will 65’), Willians, Novegul (Aron 74’), Briggs and Soureff; Brennan and Graves (Hampton 45’).
Coach: Owen Marx.

Goals:CAF: Vergara 11’ , Carlos Magno 74’ , Fabrício 79’.
NVP: Soureff 17’.

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Cafundéu – formation for game against Pinguinum: Lauro; Léo Mattos, Toninho, Eduardo Monte and Carlão; Anormal, Marcelinho, Carlos Magno and Neto; Heitor and Flecha.
Coach: Franz Braddock.
Style of +3

Match’s Referee: Will Marchenbethen (Demot).

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Goalscorers after 12 games:

14- Heitor
8- Flecha
5- Ferreira
4- Neto and Anormal
2- Léo Mattos, Carlão, Marcelinho, Fabrício and Carlos Magno.
1- Toninho, Vergara, Rato and Eduardo Monte.
1 own goal

Adihan

04-12-2007, 00:50

Evans promises to quit if team lose to Archregimancy

In the latest twist to the ongoing dispute between Ad'ihan manager Luke Evans and his paymasters at the Ad'ihan Football Federation, Evans has publicly announced that he would resign as manager if Ad'ihan failed to pick up a single point from The Archregimancy away from home, a result that could see Ad'ihan eliminated.

If Bettia and Squornshelous and The Archregimancy all win, a distinct possibility, Ad'ihan would have to beat Tuaim at home in the last match and count on Squornshelous defeating The Archregimancy to stand any chance of qualifying - and Evans wants to avoid that scenario. "That cannot happen. It'll be a death blow if we lose to The Archregimancy as that would seriously cut our chances of qualification, and if that happens I'll resign immediately. But if we manage to get even a point out of the Dreamed Realm we'll definitely have the upper hand. Of course we'll be playing to win, but even if we don't a draw will still definitely help."

The AFF issued a statement shortly after Evans' announcement, stating that they did not "want to even entertain thoughts of losing to any team at this stage of the campaign", repeating that Evans was under contract to the end of the qualifying stage and that his contract would be reviewed then. "We hope Luke will honour his contract, of course."

Many fans were surprised by this statement, which apparently represents an about-face by the AFF after earlier reports that the AFF had asked Evans to step down. One fan interviewed asked if Bettia's inability to defeat Squornshelous - losing a nine-goal encounter by the solitary goal - had changed the AFF's tone. "I think they finally see how difficult it must be for Evans as manager," David Neil said. "Having to rely on other teams is something totally uncontrollable and the AFF understand that. Evans has done a great job this campaign, eight wins and a draw from 12 games is very impressive by anyone's standards, and I hope the AFF renews his contract." Asked for a prediction, Neil was confident. "We'll beat those monks, all right. And Evans will get an extension through the next cup. I'd like to see him back."

Sorthern Northland

04-12-2007, 02:03

"So now do you get it?", Dave asked.

The young person he was speaking to shacked his head uncertainly. The young man seemed somewhat surprised by his surroundings. He was 30,000 feet up in the air, on a plainly marked plane. He was sitting down on the hard floor along with Dave, a wily old veteran of The Sorthern Northland Secret Service and four other secret service members. Across from him were five sheep, five pigs, five geese and five chickens.

"Okay, we'll go over this again then", Dave sighed, "We're going to fly over the Ovilerry national teams training ground, and parachute ourselves in with the animals, okay?"

"Erm yeah" the unsure youngster replied.

"Right, good, and then when we've landed we're going to take the Oliverry players, and put these animals in their place. Now do you get it."

"Yeah" came the reply, Dave could tell he was lying but he had no time now, "GO GO GO GO" the pilot was shouting as the loading ramp opened, and one by one the secret service members pushed a crate of animals out before jumping themselves. Just a couple of minutes later they were on the ground.

"Okay", came Dave's voice, "Mark you go round the front and check the coach is here."

"Roger that", Mark replied, as he scuttled off round the corner. A couple of minutes later he came back."Coach is here sir."

"Right, are the animals sedated?"

"Yes Sir"

"Right take them out and put them in the teams dorms."

Within minutes the dorms were filled with a number of sedated farmyard animals.

"Right then lets get the players on the coach, GO GO GO."

On that command the five men each picked up a man and carried him out and dumped him on the coach. They did these several times until each player was on the coach.

"Erm boss?"

"Yes?"

"Are you sure this is the Oliverry National Team?"

"Yes of course it is, make sure they are all drugged so they don't wake up."

"It's just they don't look much like the Oliverry national team."

"Hold on", the youngster shouted, "we can't worry about that now, someone's coming, JONNY DO IT, BRUV."

The coach then raced away with Dave shouting it's "JIMMY DO ONE, BRUV, not JONNY DO IT, BRUV, for fucks sake."

"Nah pretty sure it's JONNY DO IT, BRUV" someone replied.

Another voiced spoke, "Hold on are we even in the right country, this doesn't look at all like Oliverry."

"How would you know what Oliverry looks like? Have you even been there?" Dave asked.

"Yes Sir, I was born there and I'm sure this isn't it."

"Well if this isn't Oliverry, and these players aren't the Oliverry national football team, where the hell are we and who the fuck have we just kidnapped?"

"Don't know Sir" the other four men replied.

Daehanjeiguk

04-12-2007, 06:56

Qualification Tour:
Group 3
MD1 - Daehanjeiguk(53) 1-3 (9)Sel Appa (@ Hangyeong)
MD2 - Alversia(153) 2-3 (53)Daehanjeiguk
MD3 - Daehanjeiguk(53) 2-2 (33)Dance 2 Revolution (@ Hanseong)
FR1 - Daehanjeiguk 1-1 Jeruselem (@ Hangyeong)
FR2 - Sorthern Northland 6-0 Daehanjeiguk
MD4 - Mallatarsland(157) 1-6 (53)Daehanjeiguk
MD5 - Geisenfried(42) 2-3 (53)Daehanjeiguk
MD6 - Daehanjeiguk(53) 2-4 (18)Tynelia (@ Malnira)
MD7 - Hopeless SC(114) 0-2 (53)Daehanjeiguk
MD8 - Sel Appa(9) 1-1 (53)Daehanjeiguk (@ Nemnenait)
MD9 - Daehanjeiguk(53) 2-1 (153)Alversia (@ Sanghae)
FR3 - Cafundeu 3-1 Daehanjeiguk
MD10 - Dance 2 Revolution(33) 6-1 (53)Daehanjeiguk
MD11 - Daehanjeiguk(53) 4-0 (157)Mallatarsland (@ Gwangdong)
MD12 - Daehanjeiguk(53) 2-2 (42)Geisenfried (@ Pyeongyang)
MD13 - Tynelia(18) --- (53)Daehanjeiguk
MD14 - Daehanjeiguk(53) --- (114)Hopeless SC (@ Hangyeong)

After the game:

Just two more games, he thought. Choe looked at the TV, wondering how much pain and agony one deserves to endure to be counted among those who watch all qualification matches. It was agony to suffer the humiliation of being the puppet of the divine forces to ensure that he made an attempt to watch every single match possible. It was agony to suffer the humiliation of being the puppet of people all around the world and the Empire to be the center of negative attention. It was for this reason that Choe decided to make ready his way to doing the unthinkable - suicide.

Indeed, Sang couldn't protect him from himself. Or could he?

Sang immediately entered the room, and pulled a bugger from his pants. Seeing Choe sitting there, Sang let go of bugger and held out his hands in a wavy halo. "Choe Yongmin! You are going to kill yourself!"

Choe looked back at Sang, nodding. "Ummm. Yeah. So?"

"I must protect you!"

"How? I'm going to make myself dead."

"I shall make you not kill yourself!"

Choe drew out a gun and aimed it at himself. "Try."

Discharging the first bullet, Sang grew out long hands and grabbed all of the bullets in midair. "Don't do this!" Choe gasped in awe as Sang dropped the bullets to the ground. "Okay. So a gun won't do - too slow. What about a knife?"

Choe rushed out and grabbed a knife from the kitchen. Just as he was to stab himself, Sang transferred the bugger's sandwich and knife, so that the bugger was eating the knife and Choe stabbed himself with a gooey cheese sandwich. The bugger had apparently cut his tongue and fell over on the floor in excruciating pain. Choe languished at having ruined his shirt - "Oh great. The day I want to kill myself, I ruin the shirt I'm wearing."

"Why do you want to kill yourself?"

"It's obvious!" Choe said. "I don't want to watch any more games! I'm sick and tired of it! Everyone's exploiting me, and no one cares about my feelings! I mean, I'm just a slave of this anarchic society that just loves football too much to care about my feelings. I'm just some kid who gets paraded around by a monk who hates clothes. And you know, no one cares about me. Maybe you, but you're the one who's doing this to me! I want it to end! I don't want to watch any more games! I'm sick and tired of it! I hope that the Imperial Team crashes somewhere over the ocean and is never seen again!"

"You know, if that makes you happy, that can be arranged."

"Okay."

Sang then disappeared, and Choe thinking that Sang was about to do what he thought he was going to do, rushed to the bathroom and tried his neck to the shower curtains. Instantly, a giant rabbit appeared from inside the shower and began to nibble at the shower curtain. Choe, unable to hang himself then, relented and decided to jump out the window, falling some 26 stories down. Halfway down, Sang caught him.

"I thought you wanted me to knock out the Imperial Team."

Choe sighed. "Do that first, then come rescue me."

"I've already done that! The Imperial Team is now at the bottom of the ocean!"

Choe sighed. "Can't you just let me die?"

"No. Then you won't watch the remainder of the qualification matches. And I cannot let the Heavenly Demon win the bet."

"Dammit! Just let me die!"

At that, Choe leaped off Sang's arms and continued to fall, falling instead onto a big patch of cow dung. Choe sighed and nearly broke into tears as two fabulously hot women approached him. "Oh, look. It's a cute little boy stuck in poo. Shall we help him?"

"Of course nuna! He's soooo cute."

Completely forgetting everything about wanting to die, Choe smiled brightly and let himself be saved by the women, who drove him away in their sports car. They spent the night playing games and having fun. It wasn't until the next morning when Choe noticed that the women with whom he had had fun were in fact illusions - they were rather a rubber chicken and a green monster. At that instant, Sang appeared in the door and squashed the two together:

http://i159.photobucket.com/albums/t156/daehanjeiguk/S6000135.jpg

"Whoa! What'd you do?"

"I've saved you from the Reminiscences Of Another Riot! It's all over the world right now! You've got to stop dreaming about rubber chickens and green furry beasts, otherwise, you'll get a heart-attack!"

"Suppose I want to get a heart attack! What do I have to do?"

"Dream about rubber chickens and green furry beasts. But please don't do that, because then I will have to kill those rubber chickens and green furry beasts."

"Oh well."

At that instant, Choe began to dream about rubber chickens and green furry beasts, and Sang began to kill all of them. But Choe wasn't getting a heart attack. Instead, he was getting sleepy, and soon fell entirely asleep, but not before Sang had killed 150432843726432647382896783 rubber chickens and green furry beasts. He sighed and exhaled a restful breath. "Well, Margaret will certainly be pleased the next time she decides to walk around."

Vephrall

04-12-2007, 07:12

{MD13 RP cutoff}

The Archregimancy

04-12-2007, 09:14

[ooc - the scores thread says the Archregimancy has qualified despite the possibility of Ad'ihan overtaking me on goal difference on the final match day. I'm therefore assuming that head to head results come before goal difference]

THE MONASTIC TIMES

DISASTER!!!!!!!!!
Monks Qualify - Ad'ihan Manager Resigns

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

Amongst much lamentation, wailing, gnashing of teeth, and complaints of an anti-Orthodox conspiracy, the Archregimancy somehow managed to qualify for the World Cup with a match to spare last night following a catastrophic 2-0 victory against non-qualification rivals Ad'ihan.

"They simply wanted it more than we did" said a senior archimandrite speaking on condition of anonymity. "As much as we wanted not to qualify, they clearly wanted not to qualify more. Forgive me for saying that, despite our prayers, the Lord has passed judgement upon our poor sinning unworthy monk wretches and thrust them into an unwanted limelight."

Some of the more xenophobic leaders in the MFA were said to be blaming Ariddia for turning some members of the team, notably Fr. Demetrius, into cult television characters. "Cult popularity is unbecoming to the monastic life, and this is a righteous judgement indeed" said one.

Despite the failure in non-qualifying for the World Cup, the squad have promised to attempt to redeem themselves by doing as badly as conceivably possible. "We won't be satisfied unless we lose every match" said team spokesman Fr. George the Blind "preferably very badly." In the meantime, the squad have promised to do as badly as possible against Squornshelous.

The reaction in Ad'ihan to the result was swift, with team manager Luke Evans resigning before his team had returned to Ordinary Reality, as had been promised in local media reports. Archregimancy team members were left baffled at why the visiting manager would resign in the wake of such a solid success in non-qualifiying.

In other news, team coach Fr. David of the Woods is still said to missing in the wake of the 'Hunky Monks' nude calendar, although one source claims to have spotted him eating berries in a cave in one of the more remote mountain hermitages.

Alasdair I Frosticus

04-12-2007, 09:21

[ooc - RL events have made it difficult for me to fully RP two nations recently; my apologies. I should be better placed for the WC proper. Here's a token Holy Empire RP in the meantime...]

IT'S....

THE WORLD CUP SHOW

With Basil and Theo

"....poor result against Taeshan, Basil."

"Yeah, but who cares, Theo. We qualified ages ago. Mighty indeed are the ways of the Welsh Ninja; they were probably just relaxing today."

"Must say, though, Basil, things have been awfully quiet around here recently."

"Of course they have, Theo."

"Why 'of course'?"

"Because the Welsh ninja is, to the title of Spinal Tap's legendary live album, 'silent but deadly'. The Welsh ninja is interested in acting, not speaking, in deeds, not words."

"Or maybe you've just been too lazy to get off your increasingly fat arse and join me in the commentary booth, Basil?"

"I resent that."

"Resent away - I'm not the only person who's noticed you've picked up some of Fr. Pavel's eating habits recently."

"I... I....."

"And shagging your way through the studio interns doesn't seem to be enough exercise, Baz."

"I.... I..... just what does this have to do with football anyway?"

"Not much - but it's marginally more entertaining than the Taeshan match. This is Theo signing off for Basil - we'll see you in the World Cup."

Adihan

04-12-2007, 09:35

"Well, lads, I guess this is it. It's been great working with all of you the past few years. You put up a good fight today." With those words, Luke Evans walked out of the dressing room, satisfied that he had done what he set out to do. He had already resigned as manager verbally, all that was left was the actual letter he had to hand in personally - back in Ordinary Reality.

When they were safely back in the real world from their little excursion to the Dreamed Realm, Evans arranged a meeting with his bosses and began typing his resignation letter. Surfing the Internet for sample resignation letters – he'd never had to resign before, Evans came across the official World Cup 38 website, which had a complete listing of all the qualifying groups. Grimacing, Evans scrolled down to Group 8.

"4. Ad'ihan 25 E"

Evans shrugged it off, not noticing the obvious error - his team weren't yet eliminated. He sighed, and found what he was looking for. I'm a man of my word, he thought to himself.

***

As he walked, resignation letter in hand, through the sliding glass doors guarding the entrance to AFF headquarters that parted like the Red Sea as he neared them, he couldn't help but wonder "what could have been". He greeted the receptionist at the desk with a short nod and polite smile, probably the last time I'll see her, he thought. Stopping in front of the lifts, he looked up - the head desk was on the top storey - 18. And the lifts, notoriously slow, were both seemingly stuck at 16 and refusing to budge. Slowly the digital display flickered and changed to 15. He prepared himself for a long wait.

After what seemed like - and it probably was - an eternity, the lift display read '1' and the doors opened, with what must've been half the building all filing out the lift. And just as the last person left the lift, the doors closed, much to Evans' utter horror and frustration. He pounded on the lift call button, hoping the doors would re-open. The lift display flickered again, and read '2'. He sighed. Someone's obviously against me today.

He decided to walk the excruciating 36 flights of stairs up - it no longer mattered that he would be all sweaty, he was resigning after all. He stopped after five storeys, hoping the lift would co-operate. And he was lucky - the lift display read '5'. He stepped in and pressed for level 18.

As he walked into the room, he was greeted by just one man - the top boss, nameless to him. "Mr. Evans - no, no - Luke. Have a seat. Give me that." Evans handed over the letter. The man took one look at it, nodded, made some "mm-hmm" noises, and fed it into the paper shredder. "Luke, we're not accepting your resignation."

Evans stumbled backwards, then regained his composure. "What? But why? We're eliminated..." The man shot back. "We're not. Get your facts right, you're the national team manager!"

Another surprise. "But...but the official site?"

"Luke, we've already submitted a complaint. We're still in this. You go out there and do your job for Matchday 14 and we'll talk again after that. Capish?"

"Yes, Sir."

AFF rejects Evans resignation, submits official complaint
In the very latest twist in the long-running saga between Ad'ihan manager Luke Evans and the AFF, it has emerged that Evans' resignation - which he publicly promised should his team lose to The Archregimancy - has been rejected by the head of the AFF.

No-one was available to comment, although Evans' agent did say that it had "come as a surprise to Luke". The agent also confirmed that the AFF had informed Evans it had submitted an official complaint to the organisers of the World Cup in Kura-Pelland and Vephrall over official qualification tables, which showed - incorrectly - Ad'ihan as having been eliminated.

"Luke has returned to his job and his sole focus now is on qualifying for the finals."

Tynelia

04-12-2007, 13:32

“Great work team!” Coach Andrews congratulated the team after their convincing 4-1 win over Daehanjeiguk clinched the second spot of the group with only one match remaining. “It may not have been as smooth as some other Tynelian runs but we’re in with one match to go. So that means we’ll be starting the reserves in our last match. Get them some real play time. And we won’t have to play those damned turtles anymore either.”

“OK Coach.” Various members of the team replied as they settled in expecting yet another long speech from the Coach, whose coaching style seemed to be of the nonstop chatter variety.

Sensing this resigned feel from the team Coach Andrews smiled and said. “No speeches today, relax and stay healthy, I don’t want any last match injuries taking anyone out of the cup proper now. Get some rest.”

As the team filed out Coach Andrews went into his office. Looking around to be sure he was alone and the locker room had emptied he opened the drawer to his desk where a porcelain hippo was kept carefully wrapped in a towel. Placing it on his desk he then pulled out a golden orbed pendant and put it around his neck. Placing the orb in one hand he closed his eyes and began to pray in a soft voice. “I thank thee for thy blessings this day O Lord of Scores and the victory thou hast brought to thy servants. May our shots continue to find the safety of the net in the next match and all our matches afterwards. May our foes shots fall to the Keeper’s path that thy majesty is not diminished with defeat.”

Suddenly he heard a scraping sound and a hissed curse which broke him from his prayer. Dashing out of his office he looked around but did not see anyone around. Returning to his office he put the hippo statuette and the pendant away as he wondered who had come in and what they had heard. The New Othydoxic Christian Church of Reborn Othydoxy was still hunted by the government and being exposed now would be a major blow for the team and the religion. It was his duty to win the World Cup to provide irrefutable proof of the majesty of the Lord of Scores and he could not be removed now. Locking the drawer he ran out to tell his superiors what nearly happened.

Meanwhile, a young soccer player, intent of retrieving the coat left behind as the team filed out of the locker room, hid around the corner waiting for the Coach to leave. Who would have thought that the NOCCRO had managed to get a member of their order to the heights of team coach. This was what the player was here to find out yet never suspected the coach for a moment focusing on the rest of the team instead. Agent Jones had to be told. But Coach Andrews’ removal would surely cripple the team’s morale right before the Cup began. What to do?

Starblaydia

04-12-2007, 14:57

http://www.starblaydestudios.co.uk/Images/TJC.jpg
Fighting For Fifth
Elimination, that's (not) what you need

The qualification hopes of an entire legion of this footballing nation's fans were dashed with two games remaining. Despite Starblaydia's defeat of Rangpur by their biggest winning margin of the Qualifiers so far, 3-0, results of the teams above them meant that Starblaydia could not re-qualify for the World Cup at their first attempt.

Betanii Marrones' side have produced some excellent and some abysmal results during this campaign. Witness their solitary 1-0 defeat away to Ariddia in the opening game, the victory away in Vilita, and the double over Rangpur with an aggregate scoreline of 5-0. There was also a 2-0 defeat to 95X and a 5-1 thrashing by a powerful Ariddia in the return match. Starblaydi fans, however, should take heart because, among the eight losses so far in the campaign, all but two have come by just a single goal.

Starblaydia's One-Goal losses
MD01: Ariddia 0-1
MD04: Minilla Island 1-2
MD06: Ulzaxid 0-1
MD09: Vilita 2-3
MD11: Minilla Island 0-1
MD13: Ulzaxid 1-2

Six pieces of good luck or, conversely, six pieces of non-bad luck could have seen Starblaydia dominating fifth position, rather than simply being there because of goal difference. A few draws here and there amongst those six results could have left Starblaydia sure of fifth place and perhaps even threatening the below-par Vilitans for fourth. So, despite the lack of large numbers of goals from the front men, the propensity of the defence to concede at key moments and the dilemmas over the midfield, Starblaydia can say they've out-performed the objective expectations.

Qualifying Group Two
Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Ariddia 13 12 1 0 63 11 52 37
2 Ulzaxid 13 9 1 3 25 22 3 28
3 Jasi'yun 13 8 1 4 33 22 11 25
- -------------- -- -- - -- -- -- --- --
4 Vilita 13 7 1 5 32 20 12 22
5 Starblaydia 13 4 1 8 17 22 -5 13
6 Minilla Island 13 4 1 8 16 26 -10 13
7 95X 13 4 1 8 16 34 -18 13
8 Rangpur 13 0 1 12 3 47 -44 1

Subjectively, of course, Starblaydi fans will bemoan eight losses and just four wins, atrocious when compared to the 100% 14-0-0 of World Cup 30, or even the 6-5-1 of World Cup 34, their last appearance. When you look at the players, not the kit, you see a squad initially struggling with international football, yet gaining experience and confidence with every match. Fifth place is very achievable from this group and, thankfully, Starblaydia have their destiny in their own hands. They travel to Jasi'yun for their final match, with their opponents requiring a simple draw to ensure Qualification for the World Cup. With a 2-2 earlier in the campaign, Starblaydia will be hoping to at least repeat that feat, and perhaps even sneak a win. Even a defeat could still see Starblaydia finish in fifth place, if other matches go their predicted route.

Remaining Fixtures:

Vilita Vs 95X
Prediction: Vilita Win
Vilita will be gunning for that third and final qualification spot and simply must beat 95X to have any chance of stealing it from Jasi'yun. They're just behind on goal difference, but any win combined with a Jasi'yun loss will see them through. 95X, though on a 4-1-8 record similar to Starblaydia's, have done exceptionally well to get that record and should fall heavily in Viltia.

Ariddia Vs Minilla Island
Prediction: Ariddia Win
Ariddia have qualified at a canter, only spoiling their perfect record with a 2-2 draw in Vilita. Minilla Island, again with a 4-1-8 record to match Starblaydia's, have been poor and will be very lucky to come away with a single point.

Rangpur Vs Ulzaxid
Prediction: Ulzaxid Win
A somewhat unlikely second-place in the group has been Ulzaxis's reward for solid, steady progress in Group Two, grinding out the results as and when they need them.

If Minilla Island and 95X both lose, then Starblaydia will only have to avoid a record-breaking defeat against Jasi'yun to clinch fifth place. Otherwise they will have to match the best team's result to let their 'superior' goal difference (minus-five as opposed to minus-ten and minus-eighteen) be the tiebreaker. Win, lose, or draw, Starblaydia can remain in fifth, but surely they're after a win to send them into the Cup of Harmony on a relative high.

Sorthern Northland

04-12-2007, 15:42

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/bergelland.pngBergelland 0-2 Sorthern Northlandhttp://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/sorthern_northland.png

Sorthern Northland's chances of qualifying for the finals of the World Cup are now about as slim as an anorexic model found in the capitalist world despite the Sortherners beating Bergelland two nil.

The Sortherners started off brightly with five shots in the opening ten minutes and on the the fifteen minute mark they went ahead. A long hoof from goalkeeper Jonny Sage was poorly dealt with by the Bergelland defence, leaving Jing Mao to volley the ball into the back of the net. The Sortherners dominated much of the rest of the half but failed to add to their goal.

With news from Oliverry saying that the Oliverrians were ahead at half time, the Sortherners knew to qualify they would need plenty of goals and in the second half came out all guns blazing in an attempt to win by five or six. As it was they only won by two with Jonny Sage's fifty-sixth minute free-kick finding the back of the net.

Results from elsewhere though didn't go in the the Sortherners favour. Although SN could still theoretically overtake Northern Bettia, following their draw with St Samuel, they are unlikely to lose at home to Bumiroar. In the other games affecting SN The Pazhujeb Islands bravely lost a thrilling game to Oliverry by four goals to three. The results now mean that Sorthern Northland need to win the game against Oliverry by eleven goals. They say that nothing is impossible but even a fool wouldn't bet on an eleven goal win.

Stadium News

The Oliverry game will see the return to the James Connaly Stadium in Beningrad. The stadium was shut down following record floods in Beningrad just before the start of qualifying. Once the floods had dispersed it was decided that the damage was to much for the stadium to be used again. The SNFA then pulled the stadium done and have entirely rebuilt it in what they describe as an "Architectural achievement of great proportions." The new stadium has a capacity of 150,000, 100,000 more than the previous stadium.

http://www.enerpac.com/html/Projects/birdsnest/ima/Beijing_Birdsnest_4_LR_465.jpg

Az-cz

04-12-2007, 16:57

Amda-Mo: Another win and we're game away from posting our best ever qualifying campaign.

Lur-Mn: Indeed only Onimar left before the much anticipated friendly with Ariddia and then the draw.

Amda-Mo: What did you think of today's match?

Lur-Mn: I thought the team played well despite being in a bit of a reserved mode. To beat a team as good as Qazox without going full steam is impressive.

Amda-Mo: How about the fight from the Qazox team?

Lur-Mn: They played hard to be sure. But McLaren was really on his game today. That early brace set us up well and Haji-Me's sneak forward was quite suprising to the Qazox side as well. But to keep going despite the deficit shows a great spirit on their part. Despite their precarious qualification position I think they'll be ok.

Amda-Mo: And how about us going forward to the next match?

Lur-Mn: Well we want to win for sure, but we'll rest almost everybody so we might squander some points. It really doesn't matter. I'm sure Rahim already has the team thinking about Ariddia, a game that will give us a much better idea of where we stand.

Amda-Mo: Ok. Let's look around at the other groups, what are the big suprises or things of note?

Lur-Mn: Well congratulations to Ulzaxid for qualifying for their first world cup. There will be at least one other first timer joining them, as either Candelaria & Marquez or Kiryu-shi will be qualifying but neither is through yet. The most exciting races left can be seen in groups three, four, and five where big names like Oliverry, Northern Bettia, Geisenfried, Qazox, Turori and Dance 2 Revolution are still fighting for their lives.

Amda-Mo: Yep, it'll be interesting to see which of those teams succeed in coming through. Due to the lack of interest in the top six cause of the little movement there and the fact it's been copied so much, we're bringing you a special ending to the show tonight.

Lur-Mn: Indeed. We hope you enjoy this special live look in of footage from the Az-cz training pitch.

Ulzaxid

04-12-2007, 17:30

When the whistle blew for full time Chloe simply couldn't contain herself. Here she was in Starblaydia, a nation who was once as powerful as her country is now watching her squad of players celebrate going to the world cup. Except the weird thing was no one really seemed to be celebrating. She was leaping up and down and screaming, but like always the rest of the Ulzaxids were totally silent. There wasn't much more movement from the Ulzaxids than what you'd normally see. There really just wasn't any way to know what was going on inside their minds. While she knew that Ulzaxids weren't emotional the same way humans are she figured they had to be celebrating in some way. At that moment she was dying to know what the Ulzaxids were thinking.

So she decided she'd finally go to Rahim and ask to give a try to melding together with an Ulzaxid. While she and her Oliverrian boyfriend had gotten engaged they both knew that she was contemplating morphing together with an Ulzaxid. And she knew that if she wanted to continue living in Ulzaxid society she'd need to make the leap for herself. Despite their efforts and her very important status in their society she needed to do this so she could stop being an outsider.

Candelaria And Marquez

04-12-2007, 17:40

The Albrecht Herald Online

Domestic News >>

CMAFA Admit: We’ve lost our manager
By the Herald Online and Arjen Adams for the Herald

The Candelaria And Marquez Association Football Association confirmed last night what many had suspected for the last fortnight; that C&M’s national team coach these last six years, Mark Baker, is missing presumed dead with national police treating his disappearance as suspicious. <click for story in brief>

After two weeks of skilled news management by the government and football authorities, that should not go unnoticed nor unquestioned in the long term, the confirmation of Baker’s disappearance came through late last night. Leaked reports began to come out of Bower Street in the hours before the key qualifying match with Uiri, with rumours that Baker’s no-show at the Estadio Arrigo Nacional was more sinister than previously stated spreading like wildfire. Local radio in Albrecht and Arrigo were also covering the developing story.

Baker has not been seen publicly for thirteen days, since a publicity event in Bove. Onlookers saw him leave the City of Bove Stadium in good spirits and drive south towards the capital. Later sightings emerging last night placed him on a bus in the facm of Magnus, but the Met have remained tight-lipped over whether there exists CCTV evidence to support this.

After he failed to materialise when the C&M international squad met up in Arrigo for training three days ago, the AFA released a vague statement indicated that their coach was ‘unavailable’ to attend. Training was instead taken by his assistant Ricardo Garcia. Aged sixty, Baker has been known to have had a series of health problems, and suggestions that he may have been in the grip of the worst such rapidly began to surface.

Bower Street were finally forced into making yesterday’s admission after it became apparent that Garcia would be the only man in the dugout for the game against Uiri. The C&M players, management and officials had up to that points refused to conduct the normal round of press interviews claiming that the negligible margin for error surrounding C&M’s much-hoped-for debut World Cup appearance required the team to put their full attention on the game.

Buffeted by phone calls from journalists and the high circulation of rumours regarding Baker’s absence however, the AFA released their statement mere minutes after the final whistle had been blown on the nil-all draw. Insiders have since confirmed to the Herald that their hand was forced rather earlier than intended, begging the question of just when Owen Jones’ AFA intended to explain the true nature of the situation to the nation’s football supporters.

The situation developed rapidly last night, with police insiders confirming that thorough searches of the Baker family homes in Albrecht and Schille, SW-Candelaria had been conducted; with no sign of the manager having been found. Baker’s wife Elizabeth and sons Mark Jr. and Nicholas have already been interviewed in connection with the disappearance, but are not being treated as suspects at this stage.

The detectives assigned to Baker’s case are expected to begin television and newspaper appeals for information, though it remains uncertain as to why they have taken so long to spring into action. Locals in Schille however have confirmed that police were dredging the river that runs through the village and a large nearby lake as far back as ten days ago.

Neighbours of the Bakers in the Bramlive district of the capital include long-time friend and former football agent Jaime Granados, who told the Herald last night that he had had “no wind of the investigation up until three days ago” when the Bakers’ home on Hodges Street was searched for what now appears to be a third time. Baker’s large extended family were refusing to give interviews last night, ahead of an appeal expected this lunchtime to be fronted by the fifty-two-year-old Elizabeth.

In football terms, the nil-all draw proved ironically a better result that it could have been when it was confirmed that Magnus Valerius and Kiryu-shi had also tied their game. With C&M three points ahead of their rivals, and with group-stage ties being decided on goal difference, C&M could afford to loose to Kelssek in Albrecht later this month and still travel to Kura-Pelland or Vephrall if Kiryu-shi did not themselves beat Uiri away from home sufficiently to overturn the seven goals C&M have on them. In many fans’ eyes, yesterday’s results all but confirmed the Candelariasian qualification, but there will be little talk of such things for days to come while the mystery of Candelariasian football’s figurehead remains at the forefront of everyone’s mind.

Inside Today’s Herald: C&M’s Missing Manager, pages 4-7, 9, sport pages 103-109

Inside Today’s herald2: Dr. Gerry Kinnear – Why People Go Missing on page 7

The Herald Online: The Developing Story

SD&GP to cry foul on Wahab deportation
SD&GP Asylum & Immigration spokeswoman Christi Morgan-Spencer confirmed on TV1 yesterday that she was planning to raise the plight of Andred Wahab in the House at the first opportunity. <click for story in brief> The West Ariddian citizen was arrested early in the morning at his flat in the Songstress area of Albrecht a month ago, on charges related to his allegedly fascination for, and perceived danger towards, Princess Katherine Alexandra Dallas of Jeruselem during the Jeruselemite national football team’s visit to the Candelarias. Upon discovering that Wahab was in possession of falsified immigration papers, he was placed on a place to Aqeyr-Slweoh International within the hour.

Following his expulsion, Wahab’s cousin Peter Bello has claimed that he had offered Wahab work at his restaurant, Omogie Mornings, and that he had been legally working in the city for more than six months. Bello added that Wahab had lived in West Ariddia for only a year before hand, having fled an obscure African civil war. Bello told TTO News that his cousin had been keen to start a new life with his closest living relations, in C&M; and that, according to a hurried telephone call made prior to his deportation, Wahab had never even heard of the Princess Kate.

Bello recently told the Herald that, “Andry is utterly unskilled but very hardworking, but I am concerned for his safety in [West] Ariddia. We haven’t heard from him in three weeks, and I know he had previously got into some trouble over there. I wasn’t aware we were in the business of throwing out people in need. I’ve lived here for more than a decade, and for the first time I am ashamed to be a Candelariasian citizen.”

Morgan-Spencer echoed his comments and added fuel to the flames by accusing her government counterpart Mortan Chibueze of personally involving himself in what was an Albrecht City Council affair even prior to Wahab’s initial arrest.

However, the case looks to have taken a new twist late last night when it emerged that Wahab had, in West Ariddia, been a member of the banned ISANHuP (http://i176.photobucket.com/albums/w175/candelariaandmarquez/ISANHuP.png) terror organisation.

Campus fire ‘not suspicious’
Investigators in Arrigo have ruled out arson in their continued enquiry into the fire which gutted El Matthews’ Faculty of Fine Arts last week. <click for full story>

Shapps released again
Pastor Leo Shapps of the Limbel Christian Fellowship has had all charges dropped after the capybaragate case against him collapsed. <click for full story>

Caires council set for renewal
Carl Manfrè, the Presiding Officer of Caires City Council, looks set to employ emergency powers to instigate new elections after the current Modern Liberal-Unionist coalition collapsed. <click for full story>

<click for more domestic news>

_______________________________________________

Thirteen days ago…

The pathologist and the football coach followed Hernández into his office, performed the usual pleasantries and declined tea. The minister lent by a window.

“Mark. I don’t mean to be rude, and don’t get me wrong. You did a faultless job on mice match vee point two. I did send you an email. Pity about Jeruselem I suppose, but anyway… I know you don’t always see things our way, but we’ve no reason to quarrel. You’ve done a superb job for us over the years.”

“Show him, Ms. Rohaert.”

“Um.” Sukie removed a wedge of slightly crumpled papers from her bag and waved them in the parliamentarian’s general direction.

“Exam records,” Baker continued. “And there are copies everywhere. Of at least two gnomes and assorted other things. And she isn’t the only one, Lyndon. There are countless other people across the Candelarias ready to blow the whistle on this. It’s over.”

Hernández regarded him blankly. “Odd timing, Mark, even for you. And an even odder way to go about it.” He turned to Sukie. “And what about you, doctor? Is it your considered opinion that we should be ‘blowing the whistle’ on ‘this’. ‘Cos I know some people – and I use the term loosely – who’d be really quite unhappy were that to happen. I was speaking to a Mr. and Mr. Grimbeard only the other day. God knows how far they had to travel to be here. The mores of their own society doesn’t approve of all that, y’see. Of their own species, come to that. Now they’ve carved out a very nice little life here, and I really don’t think they’d be over the moon to give it up without a fight. And these guys have a real affinity with big ol’ axes, y’know…”

Sukie looked from Baker and Hernández and back again for a moment. “Um,” she ventured “I seem to be a couple of beats behind this conversation. You’re telling me these… things, live among us and the government knows about it? I mean, it’s all official and above board and…”

“Certainly. I know it’s a terrible cliché, but whaddaya gonna do?”

“And this whole… charade you’ve got the entire country under is for their protection?”

“Yup.”

“Pardon me if I don’t believe it. I mean, it’d take people a while to deal with it but, gnomes and dwarves and…”

“Elves,” Baker offered.

“And elves. Really?”

“Goblins.”

“Goblins?!” Sukie and Baker exclaimed at once.

“You’d know a goblin when you saw one, trust me.”

“Possibly. I seem to have mislaid my Field Guide to the Little People.” Sukie shook her head back into the real world. “The point is, people have learnt to deal with, with Muslims a-a-and gays, and whatnot. Genderqueers. It’s not such a big step to dwarves, is it?”

Hernández looked at her quizzically. “You really believe that?”

“Yes. As it happens. People’d cope, eventually. But that’s not really the point, is it? I mean, why ever you started doing this and whenever, this is an incredible lie. I mean, practically everything we’re told about the outside world, by the press or the government, it’s all lies isn’t it?”

“You don’t know the half of it…”

“If this got out, it’d bring down the government for sure, wouldn’t it? That’s why you’re still trying to keep this a secret. You’re just trying to save your own skin.”

Hernández scoffed. “Sukie, with the way that Time moves at the moment this government ain’t going anywhere for quite some time… Besides, you really think this bringing down the government is what we’re worried about? This would bring down the state! You – you no conception of the number of people involved in this! Pretty much every member of the government, sure, but every member of the major opposition parties as well. Every senior police officer, and academic and member of the press. Local and city councils… The hierarchy, and the middlearchy for that matter, of every major institution in these islands. Thousands of people! It’d be another civil war, Sukie. A lot of people would get hurt. And not just human people, either.”

“I…” Sukie began. Baker stayed silent.

Hernández looked at them once more, before pressing a black button on his desk. “Dan?” he muttered quietly into it. A muffed “’es?” came through the speaker. “Order a taxi for four. I’m going to take my guests on a little expedition…”

Bostopia

04-12-2007, 19:02

http://www.btinternet.com/~david.boston/_bostopia/dailymailheader.png

QUALIFICATION!

The strains of “Song for the Bostopian Patriot” rang out around Bostopia Stadium today at the end of Bostopia's crushing 4 – 1 victory over Prux, a victory that saw Bostopia qualify for the 38th World Cup, being held in Kura-Pelland and Vephrall.

A rare Steven Serring goal in the 21st minute was followed by a further rarity – a Steven Serring hat trick, with further goals in the 47th and then the 91st minute. Those goals were separated by one from The Sphinx, who reportedly asked Peter Jeffers what Hikfie Dallas' IQ was. In Peter's state of confusion, she managed to square the ball to 007, who was stood just behind The Sphinx, keeping onside, before he tapped the ball into an open goal in the 53rd minute.

Harry Auderrie put Bostopia 3 – 1 ahead in the 55th minute with an instant response to Prux's first and only goal of the game. Auderrie and Cripps charged forward through the Prux defense with a series of passing moves that eventually found Auderrie free to chip over the advancing Nigma. It must be noted that the chip was considerably easy considering Nigma's small height.

Bostopia go into their last game looking to win for the tenth time in the Group, playing away at Nire and Nire.

Squornshelous

04-12-2007, 22:17

In a very odd finish to one of the most even qualifying groups, (in the top half that is), Ad'ihan have lost to the Archregimancy, to the dismay of both sides, but still have a good chance to qualify over the Monks. For the final matchday Squornshelous and The Archregimancy square off in the sea of red and black that is Vogsphere Arena. The Pschychoes will be looking to avenge a 1-0 loss in the dreamed realm on matchday 7, and the Monks will be looking to lose as big as possible to avoid qualification.

Meanwhile, Ad'ihan will play a very winnable match against Tuaim, whom they beat by a convincing 4-0 earlier in qualifying. Ad'ihan already have a 4 goal advantage over the monks in goal differential, so all they need to do is win, and cheer on the Pschychoes, who have mounted a six game win streak, not counting a friendly loss to Az-cz, to climb to the top of Group 8. The Pschychoes are one of the hottest teams in qualifying, with a pair of one goal upsets of Bettia on their resume.

As expected Caj Ilmari has led the team in goals scored, as well as in other ways, setting up passes for his strikers and wingers, acting as a sort of on field manager. No other names really stand out on Squornshelan scoring charts because Jan Jorgenson has done such a good job of rotating the excessive talent at midfield and striker that the Pschychoes posses to keep the freshest players on the field. The excellence in midfield and at forward has kept too much pressure from being put on the relatively inexperienced defense, and allowed them to learn without making too many costly mistakes.

Squornshelous' Scorers:
Ilmari: 11
Aatunen: 5
Uolevi: 5
Prpic: 4
Markkunen: 3
Tkermec: 3
Axelsson: 2
Kolkka: 2
Demkjo: 1
Volodov: 1

Wentland

04-12-2007, 22:27

"The whistle is now a mere formality...AND THERE IT IS!!! Wentland are THROUGH!!! The Blue Tits have done it!!! Wentland have qualified for the World Cup finals with some ease...a three-one win over East Lithuania, a workwomanlike performance but one which guarantees a place in the finals..."

Professor Magnus Salmon was dancing like a dervish. "Told you! TOLD YOU!!! Got it right!!! Never doubt the science of the Salmon."

Norman Hacker was delirious. "YAHAAAA!!! My tactical nous has proved itself once more!! I can even get a bunch of birds through to the World Cup finals!!! I am the coaching god!!!!"

The only Went not celebrating was Kita Oliver. She had lost all passage of time. And had put on a bit of weight. This pudding was just so good...and that musical was on again, it's good stuff...the only thing is those Mafia people seemed a bit despondent; there was no sign of any ransom, any meeting of demands or any rescue. Ah well, back to the pudding.

Jeruselem

05-12-2007, 00:12

One month before ...

Two men were sitting at a popular coffee shop talking how it is hard to find a girlfriend who isn't a whore and totally submissive. They sat their complaining to each other about Jews running the economy and women no longer being to content to stay at home with the children serving only their husbands. They yabbed on about the general lack of morality in Jeruselem these days and women having too much say in everything.

A middle-aged white woman was sitting nearby reading a magazine "God's Will in the Holy Land" spied on them as they complained about everything. She used her mobile phone to SMS someone. The men were about to leave when unmarked police cars turned up with armed police jumping out. The men pulled out guns grabbed a young lady nearby as a hostage.

The young lady was actually an agent who was working with her friend nearby. She snuck out her mobile phone out her pocket and switched to "taser mode". She tasered one of the men and kicked the other in the private parts. The other woman jumped and they both pinned down the men. The other police took away the men.

The police moved on to the men's homes. The families didn't put up a fight as they figured the Jeruselem police would be quite happy to shoot them if they tried anything silly.

The present ...

A woman in black leather sat down at a table with the two men tied to their non-movable chairs. She put a small laptop on the desk, and played a video of them throwing Dinkie Dosha off a balcony and faking an accident.

Woman: Well, nice video. Thanks for helping us out there. What have you got to say?
Man 1: Nothing
Man 2: Nothing

Woman: We don't need you to say much as this video says it all. You two love to video your trophy kills. Anyway, we've can lock you up for life but ... we can arrange a deal.
Man 1: I'd rather go to gaol than reveal my clients.
Man 2: Me too.

Woman: Well, how about watching some videos with me. Hey, look - it's Dazza Dallas and a snake. Let's see what's she going to do with it (while changing the video on the laptop). Wow, now isn't she just your type of girl!
Man 1: I don't want to watch!
Man 2: NO NO NO

Woman: What's wrong? Look at her - what good Christian girl she is.
Man 1: NO NO
Man 2: That is immoral!

Woman: Now, what about that deal?
Man 1: Turn that off first!
Man 2: Oh my god, what a whore ... how does she do that!

Woman: Well?
Both men: We'll tell you everything you need.
Woman: That's better guys (turns off the video). Good, now don't lie to me now or I've get a Dazza-lookalike whore to screw you to death.
Both men: We'll cooperate! Please!

Woman: Good good ... first, tell me who the leaders of this Restoration of True Morality are. I want NAMES and ADDRESSES (turning the laptop around to type)

...

<Later>

Woman: Hi, Dazza ... here's your video back. It worked.
Dazza: So, they confessed and more! Oh, keep the video. (giggles)
Woman: Yes, I think we can settle this Dinkie matter now. Why did you create that video?
Dazza: Oh, a friend dared to do it as a joke! And well, I took it too far. And I wouldn't do that again ...

Daehanjeiguk

05-12-2007, 00:22

Cafundeu

05-12-2007, 00:29

OLHO NO LANCE! YOUR SPORTS MAGAZINE!
$PECIAL $ECTION

WORLD CUP 38 QUALIFIERS COVERAGE - WITH GLOBO MULTIMEDIA
Written by Sílvio Ruiz, with comments from TV made by Breno Gavião

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O FRIO NÃO EVITOU A GOLEADA... JOGANDO OS PINGUINS PARA O FUNDO DO POÇO

http://img86.imageshack.us/img86/6475/penguinswallpapermu3.jpg
Supporters of Pinguinum going to the stadium

Cafundéu had to travel to a distant place to face the worst team of the group, and probably one of the worst of the entire competition. Facing the cold and difficult conditions, the team was able to defeat another opponent by a big margin of goals. Seven goals, another good performance... is Cafundéu really strong, or the group was too easy? We will only discover the truth when the World Cup starts, and we must continue confident.

Changes and Absences: many changes due to players returning from suspension.
Formation: very offensive 4-4-2.
Opponent: once again, people in penguin costumes (only the goalkeeper and the coach weren’t).

THE FIRST HALF: everybody knew that Cafundéu was going to win this game. Pinguinum’s campaign had been horrible during the whole qualifiers, while the Monopolists were able to produce some excellent results. So, the defenders of Pinguinum, taking advantage of the penguin costumes (which made them seem bigger), defended the goal using their body. For many minutes, this strategy worked well, and the defenders were able to stop the shots of Heitor and Flecha, for example.

But Anormal was different. How could the false penguins stop such a tall and strong opponent? Anormal ran over two defenders and shot. Another penguin defender tried to block the ball with his body, but he entered inside the goal, together with the ball. Cafundéu scored. But Pinguinum continued with the same strategy until Cafundéu’s second goal. Neto took a free kick and sent the ball to the left corner of the goal. Nobody was able to reach the ball. After that, Pinguinum tried to attack, but it was clear that they wouldn’t be able to threat the Monopolists.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 1 (Anormal’s first goal): “They arrrrre just defending... but now it’s Anorrrrrmal who takes the ball to trrrrry to scorrrrre our deserrrrrved goal. He rrrrruns to the arrrrrea, knocking down two opponents, shoots... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Rrrrreplay this one! Anorrrrrmal, number five! Cafundéu one, Pinguinum zerrrrro! Conquerrrrrring the whole worrrrrld, thanks to their comfort... the Braaaaaguiiiiinha slippers!”

http://img86.imageshack.us/img86/2209/semttuloxb3.jpg
Goalkeeper tries, but can’t reach the ball

THE SECOND HALF: Cafundéu was winning the game, as expected. But the supporters wanted more goals. Pinguinum was defeated even by Estresse Intenso, so the Monopolists were obligated to score more goals. And they did it. Anormal was the responsible for scoring the first goal of Cafundéu in the second half. This time, he headed the ball after Toninho crossed it to the area. Cafundéu’s pressure continued with two goals, one after another. First, a defender shot the ball on Flecha. The ball hit the ground and then lobbed the keeper, who tried to recover it.

Then, Heitor took the ball from one of the false penguins, went to the opponent area, dribbled one opponent and shot the ball to the right side of the goal, scoring the fifth of the match. Pinguinum couldn’t react, and didn’t even had ten minutes without suffering another goal. Heitor appeared again. This time, Anormal made an excellent pass to the attacker. Luck was on his side too, as the goalkeeper left the goal to try to take the ball but failed to do so. So, Heitor had just to hit the ball to score. In the last minute, Flecha was able to score too, and the final result was more than positive for Cafundéu.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 2 (Heitor’s first goal): “Heitor with an excellent tackle, the penguin wasn’t expecting this! Now he has frrrree space to invade the arrrrrea... enterrrrrs it, drrrrribbles an opponent... to the shot... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! We’ve got to see this rrrrreplay! Heitor, number eleven! Cafundéu five, Pinguinum zerrrrro! Planning to trrrrravel? To where? Porrrrrto Lacrrrrruz, Submiria, Tijhus, Pollvogarad, or to another countrrrrry? If so, come to VCG, your trrrrravel agency!”

CURIOUS MOMENTS: visiting a stadium where more than 70% of the supporters are penguins, and other 20% are people dressed in penguin costumes is already an unusual situation. But we were really impressed with the way they support their National Team. We can’t find words to describe their dance, it’s something that shocked us. We hope to not be able to see that thing again. Believe us, you wouldn’t want to see that.

JORGE LANG - INTERVIEWS: after so many games, the members of our National Team don’t have much else to say to us... many wins and now a win against the worst team of the group. The coach told me: “We’re already qualified. These last games are good to test the potential of the squad. But the most important game will be, of course, the next one, against Errinundera.”

The players talked with me too. The first one was the midfielder Del Valle, who said: “Good game, don’t you think? It is a bit cold here, the CCFM didn’t bring long sleeved shirt for us, so it was a bit complicated to play in these conditions. In the end, we showed that we are strong.” Anormal and Heitor said the same thing to me: “Qualification was achieved. Now we have just to play our final games and wait for the World Cup.”

BEST PLAYERS OF THE GAME (Ruiz’s opinion): sorry, but no one from the team of false penguins. They are horrible. Maybe the real penguins would play better. In Cafundéu, Toninho played really well in the left wing. Heitor and Flecha, the attacker, also played well too. Neto only scored a goal, I wouldn’t put him among the best of the day. The best was Anormal. Once again, strong in the defence and in the attack.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 3 (Flecha’s last goal): “Long rrrrrranged pass by Eduarrrrrdo Monte to the attack... the ball goes to the arrrrrea... the goalkeeper and Flecha dispute it... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Well, let’s see the rrrrreplay... Flecha, number nine! Cafundéu seven, Pinguinum zerrrrro! Many unexpected things can happen... you can crrrrrash your car... be rrrrrobbed... lose an arrrrrm... you can die... and who would help your family? We! Insurrrrrances Padilha! The number one!”

http://img464.imageshack.us/img464/8137/flamengobrasildesportugpf5.jpg
Another goal and another commemoration

PINGUINUM 0x7 CAFUNDÉU

Place: a cold place, in a distant land.
Attendance: many penguins, some people.
Referee: Will Marchenbethen (Demot).
MOTM: Anormal (Cafundéu).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/pinguinum.png PINGUINUM: no team released.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Lauro; Léo Mattos, Toninho, Eduardo Monte and Carlão; Anormal, Marcelinho (Éverton 45’), Carlos Magno (Vergara 72’) and Neto (Del Valle 83’); Heitor and Flecha.
Coach: Franz Braddock.

Goals:CAF: Anormal 15’/60’ , Neto 26’ , Flecha 64’/89’ , Heitor 65’/73’.

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Cafundéu – formation for game against Errinundera: Lauro; Léo Mattos, Toninho, Eduardo Monte and Carlão; Anormal, Vergara, Marcelinho and Neto; Heitor and Flecha.
Coach: Franz Braddock.
Style of +3

Match’s Referee: Xi-Ka (Az-cz).

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Goalscorers after 13 games:

16- Heitor
10- Flecha
6- Anormal
5- Ferreira and Neto
2- Léo Mattos, Carlão, Marcelinho, Fabrício and Carlos Magno.
1- Toninho, Vergara, Rato and Eduardo Monte.
1 own goal

Zwangzug

05-12-2007, 00:33

Zwangzug's e-Lipogram
Football squad wins-wait, that's not original?
No, in fact, it isn't. A 5-2 victory in Kansiov for Zwangzug's squad was no shock. Both Phillip Stings and Gary Maini had two goals for Zwangzug. Jacob Barons' put Zwangzug in front for good, making it 3-2. H. Khra had both of Kansiov's assists.

Although in fourth, Kansiov could still qualify for a trip to Vircais. But it looks as if for that to occur, it must win and San Adriano must win against Yafor 2 by a total of 12-plus goals. Attack is a priority for Kansiov's opposition, although not for San Adriano or Yafor 2. Zwangzug, though, cannot finish this qualification campaign out of group 10's first position. In its final match, it will host a squad of ninja warriors.

Why is Zwangzug so good? Its stars gain familiarity with football by playing for clubs abroad-or do clubs abroad sign Zwangzugians in light of this squad's skillful play? World Cup 36, in which Zwangzug improbably took fourth, was Doodlypants Mcgimpy's first as coach, and Barons' first as captain: both still hold said jobs, though this cup is Barons' last. It was also Zwangzug's first cup with no modification in association with its playing formation. All of this works in conjunction to form a group's champions. Nothing's surprising about this squad: only that it's not surprising.

Cafundeu

05-12-2007, 01:22

Translated version:

And the agents of the Cafundelense army comes, entering in the favela of Mizibumba, in the East side of Central City. Agent Fred Cardoso is the operation leader, and the group invades the favela with caution. The group got the authorization of the local criminals, but can't do much mess.

AGENT FRED CARDOSO - "Our mission is to enter in the house, capture the mafia members and release the player. Nothing more."

AGENT CÍNTIA PALHEIROS - "Okay, boss. There is the house."

The agents reach the house, where the football player of Wentland's NT, Kita Oliver, is. One of the mafia members, who is protecting the house, see the agents approaching the house.

MAFIA MEMBER TELECO - "Darn! The police is coming, they are invading the favela! They'll get us! What will we do?"

MAFIA MEMBER SURDINA - "Shut up, man! Don't let them hear you! We will face them, shot them, who do they think they are to try to get us? Wandison, keep an eye on her!"

MAFIA MEMBER WANDISON - "No problem. I'm keeping an eye, she won't escape."

The agents get prepared for the invasion.

FRED - "Let's invade! We're the best agents! Let's kill them all!"

AGENT PAULO CERQUEIRA - "Understood. Let's go! This is the time! If they react, shot in their heads! We just have to take the girl and leave this place! Let's stay calm, we know how to do this! Let's move!"

THE AGENTS - "Cafundelense army! Let's shoot their heads and get our money!"

TELECO - "The situation is bad, man, they're too many! They'll kill us! We're lost!"

SURDINA - "Shut up, Teleco! We have guns, we can fight. You can come, soldiers! I'll open a hole in your heads!"

The agents invade the house. Teleco and Surdina react and the shooting starts. A bullet from Fred's gun hits Teleco's head, who falls dead in the ground. Surdina hits one of the agents, but is shot soon after. The agents invade the house where Wandison and Oliver are.

FRED - "Freeze! Cafundelense army! Stay quiet, or we'll shoot you!"

WANDISON - "Okay, okay! I surrender! You can arrest me!"

AGENT MAURO MEDEIROS - "Good! You're under arrest!"

CÍNTIA - "And you! You're free!"

KITA - "Me?"

CÍNTIA - "Come with us, we're part of the army, we have come to save you."

KITA - "You came to save me?"

CÍNTIA - "Yes."

(continues...)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Original (Portuguese) version:

É lá vem os agentes do exército Cafundelense, subindo o morro da favela do Mizibumba, na zona Leste da Cidade Central. O agente Fred Cardoso lidera o grupo, que sobe o morro com extrema precaução. O grupo conseguiu a permissão dos mestres do crime que vivem na favela, mas sabem que não podem fazer muita bagunça.

AGENTE FRED CARDOSO - "Nossa missão é entrar no cativeiro, capturar os mafiosos e libertar a jogadora. Nada além disso."

AGENTE CÍNTIA PALHEIROS - "Certo, chefe. Já estou avistando a casa."

Os agentes alcançam a casa, aonde está sendo mantida prisoneira (de luxo) Kita Oliver, a jogadora da seleção de Wentland. Um dos mafiosos está montando guarda na laje da casa, e vê a aproximação dos agentes.

MAFIOSO TELECO - "Ih, sujou maluco! Os polícia tão invadindo, tão subindo o morro. Vão pegá a gente, meu! Que é que a gente faz, mano?"

MAFIOSO SURDINA - "Calaboca, meu! Não deixa os cara do governo te escutar. Vamo encará, vamo dá tiro neles, quem eles pensam que são prá invadir o morro desse jeito? Wandison, fica de olho na mulher aí!"

MAFIOSO WANDISON - "Pode deixar, mano! Tô de olho, essa não me escapa!"

Os agentes se preparam para a invasão.

FRED - "Vamo invadir! Aqui é tudo agente dos foda! Vamos acabar com a raça desses filhos da p..."

AGENTE PAULO CERQUEIRA - "Entendido, chefia. Vamos lá, gente! Chegou a hora! Se tiver reação, senta o dedo e atira na cabeça deles! Só temos que pegar a moça e vazar daqui, falou? Tranqüilidade, calma, nós sabemos fazer isso! Vamos lá!

OS AGENTES - "Exército Cafundelense! Tiro na cabeça e grana no bolso!"

TELECO - "Sujou, maluco, são muitos! Eles vão fuder com nóis, meu! Tamo ferrado!"

SURDINA - "Calaboca, Teleco! A gente tem arma, vamo lutá. Pode vir, seus soldadinho de merda! Vô fazê uns buraco na tua cabeça!"

Os agentes invadem a casa. Teleco e Surdina reagem atirando, Fred atira na cabeça de Teleco, que cai morto no chão. Surdina consegue acertar um dos agentes de raspão, mas também é morto em seguida. Os agentes entram no quarto onde estão Wandison e Kita Oliver.

FRED - "Parado aí! Quietinho! Exército Cafundelense! Quietinho, senão toma tiro!"

WANDISON - "Tá certo, tá certo! Eu me rendo! Pode me prender!"

AGENTE MAURO MEDEIROS - "Beleza! Tá preso, mafioso!

CÍNTIA - "E você, está livre!"

KITA - "..."

CÍNTIA - "Vem com a gente, somos do exército, viemos te salvar."

KITA - "You came to save me?"

CÍNTIA - "Yes... yes..."

KITA - "And what will you do with me now?"

CÍNTIA - "Yes... yes... (she doesn't speak English)"

(continua...)

Sel Appa

05-12-2007, 03:53

Slam! Jam! Bam! Turtles set on top of group

The Turtles have won again in their most successful qualification ever, winning every game but one: a draw against Daehanjeiguk. One match remains, against Alversia, but it will probably also be tacked up as a win as well. Starting off ranked 9th in the world after a 3rd place in World Cup 37, the Turtles seemed slated to win the group and go deep into the World Cup, possibly even take home the Cup itself.

Since the election of Sharon Eiboln as Football Federation of Sel Appa president and the reshuffling of the team, including allowing females on, the Turtles have done very well. President Eiboln is widely credited with catalyzing this rise of the Turtles. However, many say that the position needed fresh blood as well as the team. Going co-ed also allowed the absolute best players to be on the team.

Looking towards the future, the Turtles are expected to go deep into the World Cup and possibly take it home. The team has high morale from a 14-match undefeated streak, the longest in Sel Appan history. They hope to continue this into the World Cup and if they win the Cup, they could go further undefeated in World Cup 39. Coach Charles DuPont remains ever optimistic saying "We have done great already and will continue to do so."

In other news, the FFSA has announced it will explore a potential BoF bid, basing its bid on the successful Hatchling Cup. The FFSA also had looked into joint-hosting the Cup of Harmony with Cafundeu, but both sides agreed not to put a bid together. The FFSA has remained silent on whether there are future plans to host a World Cup, but President Eiboln has said she would like to preside over such a bid during her tenure. Observers note that a bid is highly likely after a World Cup win, but not before.

Jeru FC

05-12-2007, 04:32

<A new ad in major football newspapers>

Do you want to work in Jeruselem? Here's your opportunity! Jeruselem is seeking a full-time professional coach to take charge of our Jeru FC army team. What's in it for you?

The Jeru FC is not team of professional players but a team of army men who think they can play football (they can't). The team has played in 4 World Cups but has never qualified. This job is a challenge, it's not a picnic. If you want take a team of drunkard, womanising misfits who only seem to concentrate when watching Dazza Dallas videos - here's your job.

Jeru FC are getting a new stadium too, which should be finished at the start of the next World Cup. So, all those coaches who want to make big change - come to Jeruselem and fix up our team.

Yes, you will get to meet the teams first coach - the infamous Dazza Dallas. If you want to coach a team to win to glory in the World Cup, well this is not the team but you'll have fun trying anyway.

Although Jeruselem is human nation, we'll accept friendly sentients like elves, gnomes, and giant mice as long as you can communicate with us. Sentient who look like they are going eat someone, please do not apply. Oh yes, females please apply too. Jeruselem likes it's women.

Please post your resume and credentials to jacintadallas@jerufa.com.jew. If you want to sent photos or videos to support your resume, please send them by snail mail. Yes, Jacinta Dallas works for us - she's our new secretary because her Mum asked us if she could get a job here.

Information about us
www.jerufa.com.jew

Information about Jeru FC
www.jerufc.mil.jew

OOC TG Jeruselem to send candidates

Vephrall

05-12-2007, 05:19

{MD14 RP cutoff. Here comes the payoff pitch...}

Qazox

05-12-2007, 05:55

DEC 21 1933 (Qazox City, Qazox)

Once again those dammed gnomes found a way around our blocks of their blocks or something like that. I'm glad that whatever the nanoprobes that have affected the older players seemingly went into remission for the match, or esle we could've been destroyed by far worse.

Dr. Hadel has called me into his office, and he seems very excited, so i must cut this short.

SCORING SUMMARY:
(Qazox): Fry- 29', 81'
(Az-cz): El-Iot- 17', 36'; Seoula Vitakiralski- 68'

.......
DEC 24 1933 (Vanek Drury Brieres)

It's Christmas Eve, and We got our gift, Randovium stunningly drew Endmile, putting us in to the World Cup, even before the match with VDB. And the match itself? 6 goals in thr first half and 7 overall for our most lopsided win in over 20 years.

The best news is that Dr. Hadel has finally found out a way to integrate the nanotechnology found in Ty Reed with our Bionics and every player was injected witht eh probes before the match. Early indications are that the probes are allowing the team to mentally communicate with each other, there by increasing the effectiveness of each player. They only have to now think of what they are going to do and the rest automatically know where to be for passes and the like.

The lone drawback seems to be that the palyers after the match needed to be placed in stasis as the energy proved too much for them to take, But Dr. Hadel is working on that problem and should have it fixed by the end of the year, which will be perfect as the World Cup begins in January.

SCORING SUMMARY:
(Qazox): John Griffey- 15', 22'; Yancy Fry- 28', 42'; Wesley Tripp- 38'; Todd Helms- 45+2', 82'

Green wombat

05-12-2007, 06:05

Jason Vallens World Cup Blog:

Matchday 13 and 14 @ Lovisa and Milchama (respectively)

After a hard 27 hours, that right 27 hours, thanks to unsual scheduling, we had to play 2 games in two different countries, and we came out with 1 point. I'm a bit too tired to post everything but bare facts.

SCORING SUMMARY @ Lovisa:
Lovisa: 11'
GW: Diehl- 42'
Lovisa: 57'
GW: Bard- 80'

SCORING SUMMARY @ Milchama:
Michama: Avi Belmowitz- 16'
Michama: Avi Belmowitz- 38'
Michama: Thomas Manningham- 42'
GW: Bard- 58'
Michama: Thomas Manningham- 72'

Bostopia, Wentland and Milchama all qualifed from our group, thanks to our draw with Lovisa on MD 13. You're welcome!

Prux

05-12-2007, 06:32

PRUX' TOP FIFTEEN LIST @ Bostopia (part 2) and vs. Wentland (Part 2)
#15- Prux lost both matches 4-1 and 4-0 recpectively.

#14- Bostopia clinched a World Cup berth even before they played us, as did Wentland.

#13- 007 scored the lone goal in the 2 games in the 53rd minute agaisnt Bostopia.

#12- Bostopia's first goal came off the foot of Steven Serring in teh 21st minute.

#9- Steven Serring managed to score twice more in the 47th and 91st minutes.

#8- Harry Auderrie scored the other goal for Bostopia in the 55th minute.

#7- The Wentland match was even worse, as the Subisitute girls beat us, as the first goal came off the foot of Sema Trevisan in the 23rd minute.

#6- Sema Trevisan made it 2-0 in the 56th, with a laser of a shot from just inside the center circle, which interestingly enough went right through Pi R. Squared.

#5- Az Jackson made it 3-0 in the 70th minute.

#4- Imelda Davies finished the Prawns off in the 81st.

#3- FAST FACT: The Prawns aren't very good at football, now are they?

#2- The losses dropped Prux to 2-5-7, 6th in the group.

#1- The next match is maybe in the Cup of Harmony?

FINAL TOP FIFTEEN LIST
1- Errinundera (14-0-0) +48 GD (prev #1)
2- ESF (14-0-0) +41 GD (prev #2)
3- Ariddia (13-1-0) +53 GD (prev #4)
4- Az-cz (13-1-0) +45 GD (prev #3)
5- Sel Appa (13-1-0) +37 GD (prev #5)
6- Capitalizt SLANI (13-0-1) +42 GD (prev #7)
7- Zwangzug (12-0-2) +32 GD (prev #8)
8- Demot (10-4-0) +43 GD (prev #9)
9- Squornshelous (11-1-2) +22 GD (unranked)
10- Bettia (11-0-3) +43 GD (unranked)
11- Cafundéu (11-1-2) +40 GD (prev #6)
12- Jeruselem (10-2-2) +41 GD (prev #10)
13- Wentland (10-1-3) +27 GD (unranked)
14- Milchama (10-1-3) +24 GD (unranked)
15- Bazalonia (11-0-3) +24 GD (unranked)

BOTTOM TEN:
#71- Spaam (2-1-11) -28 GD
#72- Bumiroar (2-0-12) -32 GD
#73- New Morissia (1-5-8) -18 GD
#74- Miceland (1-4-9) -24 GD
#75- Mallatarsland (1-3-10) -32 GD
#76- Thundercliffe (1-2-11) -22 GD
#77- Bergelland (1-0-13) -29 GD
#78- Pinguinum (0-2-12) -47 GD
#79- Randovium (0-1-13) -29 GD
#80- Rangpur (0-1-13) -45 GD WOODEN SPOON

Nire and Nire

05-12-2007, 07:00

Nire and Nire Bow Out In Style

Sentu: Another full house at the Nire International Stadium were on hand to witness Nire and Nire's comprehensive 4-2 victory over Bostopia. Bostopia had already qualified for World Cup 38 and came to the Disputed Territories full of confidence, perhaps too confident as they were humbled at 'The Fortress.' Nire and Nire have now won 4 out of their 6 matches at The Fortress, an impressive record given the team has only won 9 international matches in their short history. The intimidating 150,000 strong Crowd were in full voice as the Bulls, sans Manager for the third game in a row, won their 5th match to finish 5th in pool 7. The FA is pleased with the performance of the Disputed Territories in their first attempt at qualifying for the World Cup and are confident of an invitation to the Cup of Harmony. Supreme Ruler Nire when asked for comment laughed merrily, pleased that the Bulls had won two of their three matches without former manager Lexit Sohot.

Goal Scorers: Cest Wonder (2); Juan Rello; Tony Rimaron

Ariddia

05-12-2007, 11:43

Michael and Jeanne Cinders walked into the pub conveniantly located a few steps away from the beach, where they had been basking in the early evening sun. Their holiday on Minilla Island was beginning to draw to a close; soon, it would be time to return home to West Ariddia, and to work.

As they stepped into the pub and took seats at a small table, the barman waved at them, drawing their attention to the television screen. Everybody seemed to be watching it.

“You’re Ariddian, aren’t you?” he asked. They had been here before.

“West Ariddian,” Michael corrected pointedly, and looked at the TV. Two teams were entering a football pitch. A helpful information bar informed him that Ariddia v. Minilla Island, a match for the World Cup 38 qualifiers, was about to begin.

“We’ll be Ariddian soon,” his wife reminded him. “Less than three years till’ reunification now.”

Michael grunted. “Yeah, do keep reminding me. Bloody commies, throwing away our sovereignty.” He looked at the TV. “No West Ariddians on that team. Nor should there be. Why does everyone keep assuming West Ariddians are Ariddian?”

“But we are Ariddians,” Jeanne told him gently. They had argued about this many times. “Or at least, Ariddian Islanders.”

“We should just call ourselves Limeans. That would solve the confusion.”

“Not really. That’s what the Ariddians used to call us, you know. And anyway, North-West Ariddians are Limeans too. And they’re already part of the Federation.”

Michael sighed. “I just hope that, if the cappies win the next election, they’ll take us back out of the Federation as soon as we’re in it.”

“Why?” Jeanne pressed. “You’re talking as if we’re going to somehow lose our right to choose our own government. We–”

They were interrupted as the Minilla Island national anthem began playing on the pitch, and virtually every person in the pub stood to sing it in proud, bellowing voices, usually off-key. Then came the Ariddian anthem, Dream. Some people in the pub looked at the West Ariddian couple expectantly. Jeanne smiled politely. Michael grumbled.

“See, once we’re ‘reunified’, we’ll all have to sing that damn commie anthem.”

“Red and black is our nation!” the Rouge-et-Noirs were singing on the screen. “Freedoms we do hold dear. . .” Michael snorted dubiously at that.

They ordered drinks and a meal during the ulek, Michael commenting in passing that the ulek was a “West Ariddian invention” which the commies had “stolen”. He glanced up when the names of the players came up.

“Marsh, Church, Lake, Levent, Ioe. . . I’ve never heard of any of them.” The Ariddian Islanders were fielding their bench team again, with Loskov as goalkeeper.

The couple more or less forgot about the match as they ate and discussed what to do for the rest of their holiday. They paid attention briefly when Wendy Wu scored for Ariddia, followed by Aw Lush. Towards the beginning of the second half, there were cries of protest from the Minilla Islander customers in the pub; Ötei Kim had scored a goal, which was correctly deemed offside. Later, cheers came as Minilla Island scored at last.

“Can you see the score?” Michael asked eventually. Jeanne turned her head.

“2-1, I think. For us. I mean, for Ariddia.”

“The game’s almost over, isn’t it?”

“Uhm, about quarter of an hour left.”

“We’d better clear out, then. I’d rather we weren’t the only ‘Ariddians’ here when the home team loses. Fancy a stroll along the beach?”

Jeanne smiled.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/the_ariddian_isles.png Ariddian Isles 2-1 Minilla Island http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/minilla_island.png

Magnus Valerius

05-12-2007, 11:54

Max von Hohenstauffen still was wondering about the weird object he was in possession of. The rounded square was a talking thing that talked about football, and it was indeed an enigma. Max was religious like many Valerians. Perhaps it was a gift from God or from his ancestors beyond the grave. It did help a little, but as of late, he felt his strength sapped and not as good as it was before. Little did Maximilian know that the game at Miceland will reveal all to him. The object, after all, was getting to him, and he wanted to find out why. It came to a head when he was subconsciously obliged to bring it out on the field with him, wearing it on a chain around his neck during the last game against Miceland. Maybe these mice knew what was the deal with the object.

OOC: Will add on to this RP later... tired and need sleep. :P

Jeruselem

05-12-2007, 12:58

It was a big day, the Capitalist SLANI were at Dazza Dallas stadium. Although the two top teams in Group 6 fielded weaker teams minus big stars, they were both still good teams and both weren't there to draw games. They had qualified, but pride was still at stake here. Jeruselem had lost 0-1 to the SLANI away, it was time for Jeruselem to win one back.

Kate Dallas was not playing this time but took her place in the corporate box as Crown Princess of Jeruselem with her man. Hose Tunk was rested too and they picked an odd captain - Hikfie Dallas! All the junior players ran out lead by "Dopey Dallas" who wasn't expecting this honour. Kara Kool and Shane Hooney was now the main focus of the Jeruselem attack with the Princess taking a day off.

Security was tight with any troublemakers removed immediately. Both teams were guarded by Imperial Stormtroopers who made sure no one was going disrupt this game. The usual ratbags were protesting outside in reduced numbers.

A nervious Crown Prince of Jeruselem did the coin toss to the cheers of adoring female fans, who wore fake tiaras and "I'm Skate" tank tops. Normally, this was Kate's duty but he did to remove the potential "bias". After that, the game started in earnest. The clash of best Group 6 teams and probably also the two richest nations in Group 6 as well.

...

The whistle blew as the SLANI managed fight off the locals after leading 2-0. Jeruselem scored one back but failed to get equaliser. Missing the inspiring Kate Dallas and the experienced Hose Tunk, the Jeruselem attack could not get that final goal. Hikfie worked hard but her could not deliver the goods. SLANI winning 2-1.

Unlike normal Dallas female captains like Dazza and Kate, Hifkie didn't go in sulk mode after losing the game. She stayed her happy dumb self. Kate Dallas wasn't impressed with refereeing at all with most off-sides going against the home team. Kate's husband to stop Kate giving the referee a piece of her mind as well as calming down her equally upset mother Dazza.

Debbie Dallas went down to talk to her daughter Hikfie who didn't seem too bothered about the loss but her other daughter Fiskin need a little help. The rest of team weren't too bothered as the game was a dead rubber for them, but Kara Kool grumbled at ref stopping her from scoring legit goals. Kara had adopted Skate's attitude to losing.

The Mice of Miceland

05-12-2007, 13:23

For Max von Hohenstauffen, it was a gift alright he had been given an artifact that was linked to all the teams that had competed in the BoF and in the World Cup. And it was this linking the emense magical network that it had that would be what was needed for the unspeakable evil to once again delve Miceland into a dark, dank time. A time that would be scrubbed from the history books and never spoken of again.

There are those that oppressed it, Tander HoleMouse for one but that resulted in his death, but others where there. It seemed the devout religiousity of the Valerians smothered and contained the magic emanating out from it, Tander really knew what he was doing but still now that it was in Miceland. Who knows what would happen.

David BreadMouse managed to sneak a word in on the field go see a mouse named Hector RealMouse. To get the real story.

Estresse Intenso

05-12-2007, 16:56

BE CALM NEWSPAPER - LAST COMMENTS OF WC38

And that's the situation. The Landau Institute didn't qualify for the World Cup. Many people criticized this National Team, who lost one game to the rivals Cafundéu. The most usual complaints were that the team reunited people that didn't play football well (the former president Rogério Landau, The Wanderer) and people that weren't linked with the Landau Institute (Gabalán, the Doctor Ivo Pitanguy).

Now, changes can happen. The Landau Institute is already in WC39 qualifiers, but what about the future? The new president, Professor Jesus Bangu Melo, doesn't like to send a team to play in a football competition. He was a defender, but he said that he never liked the idea of playing against other countries when the Institute needed his help.

Just to finish. Although the Landau Institute wasn't able to qualify for this World Cup and had a bad campaign, could finish in the fourth position. Unfortunately, it means that the country... didn't qualify, so it isn't important. Maybe we can have a better luck in the next qualifiers, or Bangu Melo can abandon the NT.

Cafundeu

05-12-2007, 17:12

Candelaria And Marquez

05-12-2007, 17:19

The Albrecht Herald Online

Domestic News >>

Big Blues make debut World Cup
But Baker’s absence overshadows celebrations
By the Herald Online and Tracker Edwards for the Herald

Aside from publishing, and the ubiquitous info-tech development and manufacturing facilities, a primary industry of the city of Vo is as an internationally noted producer of party equipment. Paper hats, balloons, christmas crackers and silly string. Confetti, streamers, those pointless whistley things. The whole of English-speaking Rushmore wear plastic moustaches with ‘Made in Vo’ on the back. It’s party time all year round in Vo’s East End, and with the Non-Denominational Winter Festival just around the corner, they’d expected to make a killing.

This year, they had the added hope that the C&M national football team would make it to the first World Cup, and just a few months ago that dream looked not just possible but likely. The open-topped bus rides across all the Candelarias’ major cities had been plotted; the champagne was on ice and plastic and crêpe paper Stuff had been ordered in by the bucket load by ever major retailer and every local council. Who among them then would have suspected that the Big Blues’ qualification would be met with just a downbeat reaction?

The assembled throng in the Millerman Sheppard Stadium did their best, certainly. The early goal from José Felipe Cassumba Domingos, and the news filtering through from Gogari that Kiryu-shi were two-nil down made qualification all but assured. On the pitch, the game began to slow to a dribble with C&M dominating but seeing little need to press for a second against the strong Kelssek back-line. Cassa, Caras and Vélez knocked it about between themselves for a while, prompted some olés from the crowed. As well they might have, with Ricardo Garcia remaining in his unfamiliar spot in the dugout and his close friend, the former Cathedral City boss Che Martín, shouting orders next to him. But that arrangement only added to the air of despondency that was choking the occasional outbreaks of genuine celebration. Garcia-Martín carried a look of permanence with it; one that did not include space for the name Baker.

Over a month on from Mark Baker’s disappearance; the nation’s football fans have moved through Denial and Anger and appear to be firmly ensconced in Depression. Acceptance will assuredly come, but Garcia – or whoever wears the tag of manager for C&M’s campaign in Vircais – will have to hope it comes quickly to avoid that tournament becoming blighted at home and abroad by ghastly Candelariasian navel-gazing.

In football terms, the lack of expectations for anything that could justifiably be termed ‘success’ for the C&M squad may well prove to the team’s advantage. Even if not, in the long term using this event as merely a valuable learning experience for those players that will still be around in two or three tournaments time may not be a bad idea. But for the players themselves, we can truly only guess at what they are going through. It is not too much to say that whether they come together over this or fall apart, and their on-pitch performances too, will be a true test of character – not merely their own, but the rest of the Candelariasian nation too.

And make no mistake: it will be an uphill struggle. Yesterday’s Kelssek match might as well be struck from the records, such was its irrelevance, but it showed the home side’s inability to put the ball in the back of the net. Ignacio Vélez will carry the nation’s hopes on his shoulders, but the defence will have to take an onerous responsibility of its own. Once yesterday, and once was all it took, the expected World Cup back four of Nic Noble, Sam Young, Benji Fu and Lorenzo De Wilde made just a gloriously awful hash at keeping an increasingly confident Kelssek attack at bay that Ian Sinclair seemed unwilling to equalise, almost out of pity. And that four, and Oberon Martinez in goal, had other communication problems too that in the end C&M were fortunate to take a point from this.

The final standings speak for themselves. C&M have twenty-two points: only Geisenfried has that number, and no-one else had less. When the pre-World Cup rankings come out C&M will likely find themselves ahead only of the former tournament hosts, and they can bring rather more international experience to the table. C&M’s future may be rather brighter, if the 5-0 victory in the Di Bradini Cup was anything to go by, but for now Fu will lead a team without its coach, seemingly devoid of confidence, and knowing that it will have to pull out all of the stops just to ensure that the Big Blues don’t earn the wooden spoon.

It’s going to be an interesting ride, if nothing else.

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Outright Betting Each Way Odds 1/2 places 1,2

Ariddia 4-1
Az-cz 5-1
Errinundera 8-1
Valanora 10-1
Demot 10-1
Capitalizt SLANI 10-1
Zwangzug 12-1
Bettia 12-1
Sel Appa 14-1
Cafundéu 14-1
Jeruselem 14-1
C&M 125-1

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Suicide (re: Extra-Marital Relations) 16-1
Murder (re: Match Fixing) 25-1
Fled Country (re: Football Reasons) 25-1
Fled Country (re: Gambling Debts) 33-1
Murder (re: He Knew Too Much) 75-1
Murder (re: Walked Along a Fairy Path and Killed By Angry Pixies) 2000-1

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___________________________________________

A month ago…

“Dentist”, “Jack’s Bday”, “Bins” (four times) and “Christmas”, “Boxing Day” and “New Year’s Eve” appeared on Sukie Rohaert’s calendar for December. “Visit the sewers under the former Gordon Bay City” didn’t.

And yet here she was. As experiences go, it wasn’t awful; the fact that it served a city that was for the most part no longer there made it just about bearable. Hernández and Baker were struggling more than her, unused as they were to overpowering smells. Sukie barely noticed it.

They were strutting at a fair pace down one of the paths that led around the sides of the pipe, straddling the seldom-used channel proper. On the opposite side of the ‘road’, an irregular procession of rats, capybaras, white-headed swamp mice and drug-addled toads sauntered past, seemingly oblivious to the three humans. You’re never more than five feet from a rat, Sukie thought. And that’s just Hernández.

They reached a bend in the pipe and Hernández squatted on a bench provided apparently for the purpose, a disconcerted look on his face. The ceiling was much higher here. The word ‘cavern’ suggested itself. Sukie looked about in the light of her mobile. She frowned.

“Out of interest… Why is there a portrait of what appears to be Oxford Birch hanging on the wall…?”

“’oo?” Baker enquired.

Sukie rolled her eyes at the ex-footballer’s lack of education.

“Liberal prime minister. 1924 to ’28 and ’34 to ’44.”

“Forty-three,” Hernández corrected glumly. “You’ll notice one of President Clarke to your left. Which means we’re in the right place…”

“For what?”

“For whom, Sukie.” He clicked his jaw in annoyance. “By rights, there should be a noisy community of about seven-hundred Svartálfar here, all giggling and selling things to each other and sitting on each other’s chests and that. You’d see ‘em, you see, look into their big, honest green eyes and any silly notions of telling the country about them would wash away. But they’re not here, so frankly I’m a bit buggered…”

“That would’ve been quite effective yes…” Sukie admitted.

“We probably can’t afford the CGI though; right Lyndon?” Baker muttered. “I don’t suppose you’d care to run this by us again…?”

Hernández groaned and popped up to his feet. “This never gets any better with the re-telling, y’know? Alright, manye yearse agoe, you’ve got four species, right? There’s yer gnomes –”

“Az-czzers?”

“Different country. Different subspecies, I think. Anyway; there’s them, there’s yer Svartálfar – little green fellas, totally harmless, enjoy curdling milk and pulling on girls’ pony tails and such forth. There’s yer elves; long-lived, haughty, capricious, all that. And then there’s yer Fewp’r Gp’uet Ifewa. The Ifewa, among friends. Big hairy dudes. All living in peace and harmony for eons. Until yer gnomes decide to steal the Gemstone of Agub’t E’ws Ivkib’f from the Fewp’r Gp’uet Ifewa queen Hwb’budwe, who –”

“What?”

“Oh God, I don’t make this stuff up, do I? Keep up, the smell’s starting to get to me.”

“Clearly.”

“Anyway, they steal it ‘cos that’s what gnomes do, right? Only on this particular occasion their usual sense for honour lets them down, and when the Ifewa – really big hairy dudes, I must stress this – come a’ knocking, yer gnomes decide to blame the Svartálfar for the crime. So, yer Ifewa declare war on the Svartálfar, and –”

“Is this going anywhere, only my daughter-in-law’s five months pregnant and I’d rather like to see the little’un before it starts uni?”

“Patience, Mark. Think big, honest, runny eyes. Think puppies. Puppies in danger. Off’f the bog roll ads. Anyway, the Ifewa kill loads of Svartálfar, so yer elves decide to step in and spirit ‘em away. So they open up a tear in the fabric etcetera and so forth, and where do they happen to rock up?”

“Gordon Bay,” Sukie offered.

“Well, no. Dyce, actually, in a field. Cabbages, I think. Anyway, the Svartálfar like cool, dank places and Gordon Bay City had at the time the most developed sewer system in the country, so… Anyway, we’ve been allowing in a small number of non-human refugees ever since. No-one said your hungry and huddled masses had to be human.”

“And all’s well that ends well,” Baker muttered savagely. “There is a bit more to this story, isn’t there?”

Sukie eyes bulged. “Sorry, I’ve clearly being especially dim today. Are you two saying that, y’know, Gordon Bay, as in ‘the disaster of’ was over this?”

Hernández murmured agreement. “In 1968, the Ifewa found them. We attempted to defend them, and us, until the elves arrived. We came off quite badly…”

“Thousands died…” Sukie breathed. “I’ve got distant relatives who were killed. All this time, it wasn’t a natural disaster…?”

“No. Sorry. I know your sister died there, Mark. But they could hardly tell the people the truth, so soon after the civil war.”

“They’ve never come back since? The Ifewa?”

“Nah. The elves put the fear of god in ‘em. Somebody’s god, anyway. There’s always a few elves around to make sure we’re doing things properly. My assistant, Mr. Martino? He’s been permanently assigned here the last thirty years or so. Just to check we’re still making sure it’s kept a secret. They don’t share your faith in the Candelariasian people, you see Sukie. They reckon we’re more of a threat to their li’l buddies than the Ifewa… Wherever said li’l buddies might actually be right now…”

“Did they kill those two gnomes, then?” Sukie wondered.

“A couple of our secret service bods took down the first one. There’s been a few poking their noses in, lately. I dunno why. Maybe they want to say sorry. Any road up, according to the elves we’re not having it, so…” He made a cut-throat gesture. “Not that we meant to actually kill the poor fella, o’course. He put up a bit of a struggle by all accounts. As for the one last week? We were tracking him, and then he ended up dead. I’d still like to know how on earth you found that out, by the way Mark. Anyway, we’ve no idea what killed him if you don’t, Sukie.”

“I might be able to fill you in there, mate.”

The trio turned sharply to see a large orange ape and a lithe man in black. Hernández groaned.

“Ah… Former C&M international Lan Albret and a mysterious figure. As if all this wasn’t needlessly convoluted enough…”

Cafundeu

05-12-2007, 18:02

(the final press conference about the Kita Oliver case. She had been rescued in the Mizibumba favela in Central City)

EMPEROR VAN TOCCO - "I have the pleasure to announce that our group of agents were able to rescue the football player Kita Oliver. After a long time at the hands of the kidnappers, all members of the famous Cafundelense Mafia, our agents invaded the Mizibumba favela in Central City and rescued her. The operation leader, Fred Cardoso, will give the details."

AGENT FRED CARDOSO - "Your highness, thank you for the introduction. The mission was difficult. That place is dominated by criminals, and we had to invade the house to rescue Ms. Oliver. But our group is very good in this kind of mission, and we were successful. There were three criminals inside the house, taking care of Kita. We had to kill two of them, and the other was sent the Carandirú City's prison, the Presídio."

PRINCESS ALICIA - "And now, Kita Oliver will be able to return to her country, to Wentland, to get prepared for the World Cup. Her team mates don't need to worry, she is fine. And the coach now can be trouble-free. Now, Kita, can you tell the press about the conditions inside that house, how they treated you?"

KITA OLIVER - "Yes, of course. When they captured me in the hotel, I was scared. I thought they would kill me, I was desperated. They brought me to a house in the middle of the slums... it was horrible. But, when I entered inside the house, things were different there. The house was very modern, it had all the things money can buy. They treated me really well, I enjoyed my stay in the house of the Mafia. Everyday I could eat a different traditional food or something more sophisticated, marvelous desserts... they bought me a videogame, gave me magazines to read, called a hairdresser to take care of me... I could enjoy their swimming pool too, and every night they rent a DVD from the local video store. It was good, they didn't hurt me. But it was time to return, so I'm glad to be rescued."

(the others stay in silence for some moments)

PRINCESS ALICIA - "Well, so... congratulations to our agents! And Kita, a safe trip back to Wentland!"

KITA - "Thanks."

FRED - "Well, I just hope to receive another medal. After all, this was a difficult mission... my agents deserve it too."

EMPEROR - "You have more than thirty medals, Fred."

FRED - "Maybe I can receive one from the Wentland government..."

EMPEROR - "It was your job to rescue her, Fred..."

Zwangzug

05-12-2007, 23:35

"...Liebersbach in possession now, shoots, and it's nicely headed out of the way."

"Good work by the Imperial defender there."

"Jones with the ball now, passes to Jones, still Jones, back to Jones, Kucinich now."

"She's in for Barons today, and doesn't seem quite used to being in the opponent's half of the field."

"Shame. Maini winds up with the ball, anyhow, and it's stopped by the defender."

"See, you don't know what his name is either! That's a double standard, you can't expect me to try."

"Yes I do. See, it says right here, you can read it."

"Mary-Merry-well, his last name's Fred, anyhow."

"Probably like Simon Ryne: too arrogant to have just one first name."

"Marry-no, that isn't it..."

"...wingers moving up, that's Jones now, over to Jones, Owens will shoot-and it's a goal for the Holy Empire."

"Oh, is it?"

"Yes."

"Okay then."

"I don't suppose you have anything to add?"

"I'm still trying to get through these double Ls..."

"...the referee seems to have reluctantly agreed that Stings' injury was the result of "secret ninja skillage"."

"Looked like a dive to me."

"Liebersbach to take it. Davies leaps, but it's good, and we're tied..."

"...Can't Quite Understand The Point Of Such Distractions."

"I never thought I'd say this, but you could stand to quiet down a little bit."

"Oh. Okay. Sorry."

"No problem."

"Anyhow, Maini's got the ball, and he'll risk a long shot-it's in!"

"Zwangzug lead 2-1. Or is it Zwangzug leads? I've never quite figured that out..."

"...a bit of momentum as they look towards the proper."

"There were some real flashes of promise from the Holy Empire, but it didn't quite come together."

"I'm sure it's a ninja mind trick. Messing with our heads. But whenever they strike back, it'll be an even greater surprise."

"Until then, we'll see you in Vircais."

Sorthern Northland

06-12-2007, 00:15

Location: Top secret, secret base of the Sorthern Northland secret service. 27 Green Street, Castograd, CG1 6YJ. Just after the local supermarket.

Time: 18:56 SNWTCR (Sorthern Northland Winter Time Castrograd Region)

Dave had been called in to the Secret Services top secret, secret base, by The Commander, to discuss how well his recent mission had gone.

"So Dave", The Commander said in his usual loud voice, "I trust you were at the game against Oliverry?"

"Yes Sir."

"Ah yes of course, never miss a game do you?"

"No Sir"

"I trust you also remember the plan we had to beat Oliverry?"

"The farmyard animals one Sir?"

"That's the one Dave, that's the one. Was a good idea wasn't it?"

"Yes Sir, it was."

"I believe the plan was to kidnap the Oliverry squad and replace then with farmyard animals, so they'd either have to play the animals or some reserve players."

"Yes that was the plan Sir."

"You see, when I watched the game, my eyes must have been deceiving me, because the Oliverry players, they looked like the real Oliverry players to me. Why was that Dave?"

"Er well the plan didn't quite go to plan."

"Oh did it not? What went wrong then?"

"Erm well, the pilot got a bit lost and rather than landing in Oliverry, we actually lander in A Place With No Name."

"Right so where are the animals and who are the football team you brought back?"

"Well we didn't realise at the time we weren't in Oliverry and they weren't the Oliverry team, so we took them thinking they were the Oliverry team."

"You know I don't accept failure Dave."

"Yes Sir."

"I'm afraid, we're going to have to send you to one of the detention camps."

Dave thought about this for a moment, he decided that there was no point in arguing and instead shouted "JIMMY DO ONE, BRUV" and ran out of the base and into the cold Castrograd night.

Qazox

06-12-2007, 05:22

DEC 30 1933 Qazox:

(SportsRadio 1750am, Fromburg)

".. And finally tonight, The Pheonix last week qualified for their 4th striaght World Cup. Despite at times looking like a bunch of 3-legged Oxen, the team managed to finish with a 9-2-3, with two of the losses coming at the hands of the Defending champions, Az-cz. While making the World Cup for the 6th time in the last 8 tries, the nation effectively yawned as ratings for the matches were at an all time low of 1.45, which corresponds to just over 140 million of 4.2 billion people watched the matches. I think that football should just go away and never come back.

But sicne the rest of the Qazox sports leagues are in the offseason, there is nothing else to talk about, so from the 5th Street Racetrack in East Fromburg
the World Cup Odds:

FAVORITES:
Az-cz 4-1
Arridia 5-1
Errinundera 5-1
Elves Security Forces 7-1
Sel Appa 12-1
Capitalizt SLANI 15-1
Zwangzug 15-1
Demot 18-1
Squornshelous 18-1
Bettia 20-1
QAZOX 40-1
Candelaria and Marquez 150-1 (longest Shot)

Kura-Pelland

06-12-2007, 11:38

OFFICIAL WC38 ODDS FROM GETLUCKY.KP

Ariddia 7/1
Az-cz 7/1
Zwangzug 9/1
Capitalizt SLANI 10/1
Errinundera 10/1
Valanora 12/1
Demot 12/1
Sel Appa 16/1
Bettia 18/1
Jeruselem 20/1
Milchama 25/1
Wentland 25/1
Squornshelous 33/1
Tynelia 33/1
Cafundéu 33/1
Bazalonia 50/1
The Holy Empire 50/1
Quakmybush 50/1
JSY 304/5*
Qazox 66/1
Oliverry 75/1
Bostopia 75/1
Northern Bettia 100/1
Novapsolu 100/1
Yafor II 100/1
Kura-Pelland 100/1
Turori 100/1
Vephrall 125/1
Ad'ihan 125/1
Ulzaxid 200/1
Candelaria And Marquez 200/1
Geisenfried 250/1

* implies P (winning WC) = (φ/100) to 3dp

Book %/overround: 120.55%

Northern Bettia

06-12-2007, 13:04

Meice, capital city of Vephrall. A bustling metropolis, full of people peacefully going about their business... but that peace is about to be rudely interrupted as, from a bus pulling up somewhere in the city centre, a small group of large thuggish looking chaps wearing sunglasses, sandals and baseball caps disembark.

"Well here we are lads - Meice." the first guy exclaims, shoving a tourist guide into his shirt pocket.

"About bloody time too. Let's go bust some skulls!" a particularly brutish companion replies, pounding a hand with his fist.

"No, not yet, you twat - the others haven't arrived."

"So how are they getting here then?"

"Well, I think Gripper and his boys said they're hitching a lift from Gabalfa Airport disguised as suitcases. Ghosty and his crew are stowing away on a freighter, and the others... well, knowing them, they'll probably try and swim here."

"So when they get here, we can bust some skulls?"

"Yes, then we can bust some skulls - we'll be hundreds strong by then, no-one will even dream of touching us. But until then, we're just respectible Bettian tourists who have come here on holiday."

"Right!" the large man said, opening a can of beer with his teeth and swigging back a mouthful. "I tell ya what though, I'm so pissed off having to sneak around like this."

"Well it ain't my fault we all got banned from every Fire Ants game."

"Errr, yes it is. You smashed that copper with a brick, remember?"

"Ah yes. I remember it like it was last week."

"It was last week. You got angry cos he was towing yer motor when you parked it in the FANB president's space, and we all pitched in cos his mate came at you with a nightstick."

"Yes, that was fun, wasn't it?"

As the dozen or so 'Bettians' (not Northern Bettians, no siree) meandered up the main street, they suddenly heard a loud chant wafting its way over from the other side.

"Hail! Hail! We are the Gogs! We'll break yer arms, we'll break yer legs, and we won't carrrre!"

They looked over to see another large group, a dozen or so strong, all decked out in the traditional black and amber of Northern Bettia and making their way towards them while shoving the locals out of their path in their usual uncouth manner. As the newcomers approached, they couldn't help but notice a slight fishy smell.

"Ghosty! You made it!"

"Yeah, just about."

"But... what the fuck's that smell?"

"That? Oh yes. That freighter we stowed aboard?"

"Yes?"

"It were full o' fish. Stacked up to the ceiling, the bloody things were. We nearly suffocated!"

"Still, at least you had plenty of free grub. We were stuck on board a Bettian plane, and you know what that means - no alcohol!"

"Oh, you poor little poof. Quit yer complainin' and let's get over the airport to meet the others, I mean, claim our suitcases."

"Heh nice one. There's just one little thing though - we're here in Vephrall, nice and early, right?"

"Right."

"So what are we gonna do if we're drawn to play in Kura-Pelland."

"Oh, I'm sure we'll think of something. I fancy a spot of bus-surfing, me."

Fixtures / Results

MD..OPPONENT...............VENUE...RESULT

Qualifying Group 4

01: Bergelland.............Away....W 3-1
02: Oliverry...............HOME....W 3-2
03: The Pazhujeb Islands...HOME....W 3-1
04: Sorthern Northland.....HOME....L 2-3
05: Demot..................Away....L 0-3
06: St Samuel..............Away....W 2-1
07: Bumiroar...............Away....W 4-1
08: Bergelland.............HOME....W 2-0
09: Oliverry...............Away....D 3-3
10: The Pazhujeb Islands...Away....W 3-2
11: Sorthern Northland.....Away....W 6-1
12: Demot..................HOME....L 0-5
13: St Samuel..............HOME....D 4-4
14: Bumiroar...............HOME....W 4-1

Candelaria And Marquez

06-12-2007, 13:53

The Candelariasian Online/News in Brief

Football The CAMAFA confirmed early this morning that Ricardo Garcia would remain as manager of the national team throughout their campaign in Vircais. The Castillo-born former Arrigo Portuguese, MarquezOW and Albrecht Turkish left-back joined Mark Baker’s coaching staff at A.Turks before moving with him to the full C&M job, and has now formally succeeded his coaching mentor after Baker’s continued disappearance.

FA insiders have hinted that Garcia’s appointment will only be temporary, barring the seemingly highly unlikely achievement of coaxing the Big Blues through to the second round or further. National team bosses, including FA chairman Owen Jones, are believed to have been highly unimpressed by the team’s performances in the two post-Baker performances at home to Uiri and Kelssek, but have accepted the recommendation of senior C&M players including Benji Fu, O’Sullivan Caras and Sam Young that after the upheaval caused by Baker’s absence they require a sense of stability. Other members of the FA board have publicly stated their wish for Di Bradini Cup-winning coach Lloyd Donnelly to take charge as soon as possible, but they were voted down late last week. Concerns remain however over Garcia’s ability as a number one.

In a press conference following a behind-closed-doors clash between ‘A’ and ‘B’ C&M sides; Garcia waxed lyrical over his honour at becoming the national team’s second official manager of the professional era, but was keen to stress that he was “only holding the role until Mark returns”. Such a comment seems wildly optimistic, with Baker’s wife and sons holding their fourth television appeal in as many weeks for information regarding the veteran boss’ whereabouts at lunchtime today.

Formally announcing former Cathedral City manager Che Martín as his assistant for the duration of the coming tournament; Garcia later urged thoughts of Baker to be “filed away”, and for journalists to let the Candelariasian public focus on on-the-pitch matters.

Though attempting to portray an optimistic image, Garcia seemed under no illusion as to the size of his task, with just one of the thirty-one seems present at the World Cup ranked lower than the Big Blues. Equally, aside from the two hosts C&M are the only debutants.

At least if they crash and burn as widely expected, there will remain CMSC interest into the latter stages with Naoki Tonnelier (Albrecht FC, Ariddia), Peter Vanderpent (Albrecht FC), Gary Maini (A.Turks), Natalie Instonenext (Port of Clotaire), Ursula Lauren (Arrigo Portuguese, all Zwangzug), Gime Thadope (CandelariaAM, Jeruselem), Giorgio Pezzoni (Turks’ Club) and Iain Belling (Arrigo Portuguese, both Kura-Pelland) all hoping to see playing time.

[b]Politics The public of Fallon Island look set to vote in their first Unionist-led government in over thirty years. Prime Minister Simone Orchard called new elections in October but Justine Vernon’s opposition have risen dramatically in popularity in recent weeks after attacking the governing Modern Liberals on crime and corruption issues.

Results in less than half of the seats have so far been announced, but several supposedly safe MLP ministers have been heavily beaten by their Unionist rivals. Ms. Vernon has remained taciturn over her seemingly impending victory, but President Anderson is believed to have already phoned to congratulate her from the mainland.

The Libertarians, who were king-makers for the MLP in direct opposition to the national party’s wishes last time around, appear at this stage to have been wiped out with the SD&GP also making gains.

Animals The Albrecht Met have confirmed that Pastor Shapps of the LCF could still face charges over his involvement in the capybaragate affair.

Bones The AU’s Faculty of Relentless Archaeology have confirmed that the almost complete velociraptor skeleton dug up by schoolchildren in the outskirts of Allemali last month was that of a sheep. The fossilised remains of ‘Claws’ will be returned to Newwood Primary School early next year.

Television Rhosyn al-Wadi, a sixteen-year-old schoolgirl from Rose of Sharon, stunned the bookies last night on TTO to become the fifth C&M Idol.

Up against the strong favourite, twenty-one-year-old barber Joe Dyer from Steyn nr Lavange, al-Wadi delivered strong performances of Nobody Does it Better and Against Green Time (That’s My Moment) to earn the overwhelming praise of the judges and 65% of the public vote.

al-Wadi first wowed audiences months ago in the audition round with a version of Papa Don’t Preach in what has become her trademarked tight-fitting, flower-pattern hijab, which brought small demonstrations and half-hearted calls for her execution from hard-line muslims in Albrecht and Khatib-Gassett, but the wannabe primary school teacher won the hearts of her own Bettian community and the country as a whole over the ensuing weeks. Experts chalk her victory up to a backlash against “pretty, blond Anglo-Saxonia” represented by her rival Dyer.

Music industry insiders do not hold out great hopes for her long-term success however. The first two C&M Idols, Bryony Evans and Livvy-Aoife Jamieson, went on to have highly lucrative careers lasting several years but have lately fallen out of favour with consumers and have been focusing their attentions on foreign markets. The third winner, Max de Oliveira Mendonça, failed to reach number one in the singles charts with his debut release and his website lists turning on the Christmas lights in Castillo as his only major booking for December, while his successor Nightingale Swabey has since returned to her job as a fruit packer despite having been groomed for chart success since infancy.

This year’s final brought however TTO’s third-biggest audience figures of the year.

________________________________________________________

Quite some time ago, all things considered…

Lan Albret (former C&M international right-back) and Mark Baker (sort-of-current C&M international coach) eyed each other suspiciously.

Lyndon Hernández (Chair of the All-Party Parliamentary Group on Rushmori Agricultural Subsidies and Minister for Rational Thought) and A Mysterious Figure (A Mysterious Figure) eyed each other suspiciously.

Sukie Rohaert (A pathologist) eyed the scene emerging in the sewers under what had once been Gordan Bay City with increasing hysteria.

No, don’t worry. Nobody else has a clue what’s going on either. Me included. It’s ‘cos I prolly won’t have much time to RP in the first part of the new year, y’see. We’re just rushing through this now, so we won’t have to do it later.

Baker coughed. “I’m taking it that you’re suggesting you killed that gnome, Lan?” he asked, in reference to yesterday’s post, you know, the really long one you couldn’t be arsed even to skim through?

Lan made a guilty face. The Mysterious Figure spoke for him. “He was snooping about. Asking questions. We took the split-second decision to remove him from the field of play, as it were. We’re not ready yet.”

“I don’t suppose,” Hernández began, coming to his senses somewhat, “That you’re going to remove your helmet and turn out to be a minor but incredibly important supporting character that will tie up this whole sorry affair in a nice little package?”

“Sorry. It seems your country’s national consciousness forgot to lay the groundwork for a major twist half a dozen RPs ago that would make all this rather more satisfying. Suffice it to say however, I’m an elf.”

“You’re not one of ours,” Hernández frowned. “None of my elves can do such a fingers-down-a-blackboard voice as yours.”

“No. I’m rogue, you might say. When I discovered that Mr. Albret here, the only Ifewan to be brought up among humans – and Candelariasiasians no less – was in a spot of bother over in that Kura-Pellandi prison – what was it, four years ago?; I decided now was my time to strike. The Ifewa have undergone a recent change of government, if you can call it that. Bringing in one with sympathy to the human cause; now that was a masterstroke on my part. I have to say though,” T.M.F went on, “That it hasn’t proven quite as easy as I thought, convincing them. That’s why we’re here. We thought we’d get a svart –”

“A what?” Baker asked.

The other four turned on him.

“Sorry,” he said sheepishly. “I rather drifted off for a bit back there.”

Hernández turned back to the elf. “But you couldn’t find one, right?”

“No. What have you done with them?”

“Nothing. I’m as bemused as you as to their whereabouts.”

The five figures twiddled their thumbs nervously. Baker emptied out the contents of an ear with a finger.

“So, um. What’s the state of play now? Humour an old man.”

“Um. I think we’re more or less back to the normal status quo,” Hernández told him. “The Ifewa and the gnomes are still after the Svartálfar, and until we can find ‘em again and send one off with The Mysterious Figure and Hairy McClary here to sort this whole sorry mess out with the Ifewan queen… Everything goes on pretty much as normal, Mark. Once we’ve sorted out this little impasse in the sewers, obviously.”

“Oh, thank heavens for that,” Baker muttered.

“Um. Hello?” Sukie piped up suddenly. “Thank heavens for what? The whole reason I’m not at home eating Chinese food and making fun of mentally deficient people on TV is because I was following your wild goose chase to make all this public! That hasn’t changed either, surely?!”

“Oh, bugger that,” Baker told her. “People’ll better off not knowing, really. But she has a point,” he said to Hernández. “Autopsy reports of dead gnomes. Details of Lan’s true biology. The testimony of a Mr. and Mrs. Devey from ‘Zemyzha Myzhent’. And all my players, come to that. And around a hundred actors. And the name of a one Althinn Grimbeard… How much is that worth, Lyndy? 10 million? 15?”

Sukie’s mouth dropped open. She didn’t often get people wrong. She’d royally buggered up this time. “You want money?!” she exploded. “All this, and you’re after more cash?!”

“I’ve got gambling debts, luv,” he told her. “So what’ll it be, Lyndon? For me to keep all those people from spilling their loads, as it were?”

“I’m sure we can agree a fee,” Hernández sighed. “Again. Do you want to step to the left a bit, Mark? There’s a leak of something unspeakable about to splatter onto your head.”

“Hm?” Baker stepped to the side, and found himself next to Lan. The Ifewan grinned at him, and gave him a bear hug.

Before Baker could do anything else, there was an overpowering smell of yellow and the unmistakable sensation of being in at least two places at once.

“HERNÁÁÁÁÁNDEEEEEEZZ!!” he cried as the trio dematerialised.

“I have to say,” the minister commented. “Remembering all those accented Ás while you’re disappearing from normal reality… That’s good work. You okay, Sukie?”

“…”

“Oh, come now. I’m sure after everything you’ve seen and heard today a sight-to-sight-teleport is the least of it.”

“Nn. Nn. Nuh. You set him up? All along?”

“God, no. No, that was quick thinking on my part and an eyebrow conversation with our new elven friend. He clearly felt Baker was some use to them, and god knows he isn’t to us. The man’s always been a liability.”

“Why didn’t you kill him before, then?”

“Because I don’t have people killed, Sukie. Disappeared, sometimes, but never as a euphemism. I just had to find a way of getting rid of the second-most-famous man in the Candelarias. And I just did.” He clapped his hands together. “So excuse me for feeling a little smug. We can pull in a yes-man for C&M manager now.”

“What about his wife? His children? When all’s said and done, what about me?”

“Oh, don’t worry, Sukie. You are useful to me, doctor. More than you have the slightest conception of. As for Elizabeth and the boys… That’ll probably require a woman’s touch. We can discuss it on our way back up to the surface.”

“And at the risk of introducing a further cliché to the proceedings, minister, I’m supposed to trust you because…?”

“I had my assistant tape C&M Idol for you,” Hernández ventured. “What’s not to like?”

They walked back through the sewer, side by side by the light of their mobile phones. Rats squeaked occasionally. Two capybaras squared up for a fight before deciding better of it. Something howled far away. It may have been a werewolf, but it probably wasn’t.

Kura-Pelland

06-12-2007, 14:29

The first match in the sparkling new Shanvley Stadium was one to forget for Kura-Pelland, losing 2-0 and losing Jamie Kirklees to injury.

Kirklees, who came on as a substitute for Giorgio Pezzoni in the second half after Vephrall had scored two superb goals in five minutes just after the break, tripped over a challenge from the Vephrese goalkeeper and had his ankle damaged by his studs. While there appeared little in the way of malice, the outcome was the same - Kirklees was forced to be substituted, replaced by youngster Stephan Harltey, and tests at Shanvley Hospital suggested a lay-off long enough to rule him out of World Cup contention. Kirklees immediately announced his international retirement, and the giant Andy Madden - who has been in excellent form for El din Marbles in Candelaria And Marquez, with four goals in his last three games - has been given an unexpected recall.

The stadium passed all safety tests and is proven as ready for the sell-out crowds it can expect for three of its four matches - Kura-Pelland's last two group games, and the final. A third group match completes its schedule, with two Group G teams playing the first true competitive match in the stadium.

The established striking partnership of Beattis and Cazarez seemed under no threat whatsoever. That is, until the return match in Meice's Ellime e Vephrall, which will host a semi-final in WC38 as well as two Vephrall group games. Beattis looked off form, was replaced by Madden to boos from the visiting fans, only for Madden to score a header not three minutes later from a Belling cross. He continued to cause havoc thereafter, and should have had a penalty in the 85th minute when his shirt was pulled in the box, denying him a free header from a cross from fellow substitute Harltey, who replaced Gellen on the left and looked dangerous.

Vephrall were perhaps somewhat fortunate to win the aggregate clash 2-1, but both teams played well, and so they will have to with the world's best coming to play. There's very little doubt that these two nations - especially high-tech Kura-Pelland - have the infrastructure to host a superb World Cup. But can their teams do anything but make up the numbers, or will their involvement prove laughable enough to make most neutrals long for the presence of The Archregimancy and Daehanjeiguk instead?

----------------

OOC HOST ANNOUNCEMENT POST

The following are the pots for World Cup 38 finals. They are based on post-qualification rankings.

Pot 1 has only seven teams, because Az-cz (as defending champions) are automatically assigned to Group A. Pot 4 has only six teams, because Vephrall and Kura-Pelland (as co-hosts) are automatically assigned to Groups D and H respectively. (Note that they still hold bottom-seed placings, in accordance with their KPB rankings.)

POT 1
Ariddia
Errinundera
Capitalizt SLANI
Zwangzug
Demot
Sel Appa
ESF [Valanora]

POT 2
Bettia
Jeruselem
Milchama
Wentland
Squornshelous
Cafundéu
Oliverry
Tynelia

POT 3
Bazalonia
The Holy Empire
Qazox
Turori
Quakmybush
JSY
Bostopia
Northern Bettia

POT 4
Novapsolu
Yafor 2
Ad'ihan
Ulzaxid
Candelaria And Marquez
Geisenfried

Adihan

06-12-2007, 15:27

The final whistle went at Colonial Stadium in CCL, but the entire Ad'ihani delegation remained on the pitch, in the dugout and in the stands, watching the big screen showing the dying moments of Squornshelous v. The Archregimancy. The hosts were leading 2-1, a result which would send Ad'ihan through to the finals in Kura-Pelland and Vephrall.

The stadium erupted, and fireworks were released into the cold Liverpool England night. Media people flooded the pitch, followed closely by fans, with a group of about two thousand singing "There's only one Luke Evans". Evans clearly was the star of the show; his tactical genius resulting in a 5-1 walloping of Tuaim.

And of course there had been the controversy. Evans had been involved in a very public dispute with the AFF; a very public 'resignation' after the team's 2-0 loss in the Dreamed Realm that never materialised; and now, perhaps he was to be involved in the team's second World Cup Finals appearance? That was the big question everyone wanted to ask Evans.

Back in Ad'ihan, as soon as the outcome was clear, the wheels were set in motion at the AFF. A successor had long been groomed to replace Evans. Alexander Lewis-Edwards, who trained the national age group teams, was the obvious choice. Evans, too, knew that Lewis-Edwards was almost bound to succeed him.

Lewis-Edwards was summoned to see the top boss. "Pack your bags, Alex. You're going to Kura-Pelland." Lewis-Edwards' heart jumped for a second. Eyeing his boss, he stammered, "Y-You're not... firing Evans, are you?"

"Don't be silly. He's getting a new contract. You're off to K-P to be our representative at the draw." Lewis-Edwards looked down. "Oh."

"Alex, you'll get your time. But it's not right now. After the failure on home territory last time we gave Luke this cup to prove to us he could do it. Which he has. You'll most certainly be top of the list the next time we consider a new coach, though."

***

He looked out the plane window. Beautiful country, Alex thought. As the plane touched down, he couldn't help but wonder what he'd be doing now if he had been appointed national manager. Sighing, he hailed a cab down and asked for the hotel. Once in the cab, he took out his laptop to take a look at the pots. The official odds caught his eye. "125 to 1! Ha! Hmm, same odds as Vephrall." Alex was a sports maniac. He knew of the old, traditional Liverpool England–Bedistan rivalry. "That's sure something."

Ad'ihan were in the final pot – and due to the seedings would miss both co-hosts. He relayed the information back to the Protectorate just as the cab pulled up to the hotel... where he was greeted by a mass of media from back home.

He spotted Radio Ad'ihan International's chief football correspondent Davey Thomson in the mix, and muttered under his breath - Luke had warned him about Davey. Dodging the train of questions, he made his way into the hotel and checked in...

Ulzaxid

06-12-2007, 16:31

PANIC

That was all that was racing through the loose shards of Chloe's mind as she entered into the meld with the Ulzaxid. As soon as she had been incorportated the parts of her conciousness completely freaked out. She was absolutely overloaded with images, experiences, senses and couldn't cope. She experienced the soaring flight of the eagle, the lusty frenzied sex of the ferret, the fluid swimming of the dolphin, the bizarre taste sensations of the slime mold which were so totally unlike those of humans. And it was amazing.

But her mind just couldn't accept the sensations. The creature that she was a part of started violently thrashing around the room. Quickly the Ulzaxid mold dissolved the bond and Chloe was able to escape. She had gotten lucky. At least her presence in the bond was only the kind that made it panic. There were other creatures Ulzaxid have attempted melds before that took over the whole and made it do terrible things, all not out of sentience.

After the incident Chloe was totally exhausted. The Ulzaxids knew that they'd have to talk about what happened, to see if it was going to be attempted again, to see what Chloe experienced and what could be learnt, and also whether or not Chloe would be capable of joining the team as it traveled to the world cup.

Az-cz

06-12-2007, 19:11

Amda-Mo: A 2-2 draw with the new number one team in the world, Ariddia, to put us on towards our title defense. Thoughts?

Lur-Mn: First as aside about that #1 ranking. For all intents and purposes us and Ariddia are basically 1a and 1b. So there's no need to get to worried about it. As for the match two very good teams playing very good football. A 2-2 draw is about what would be expected. These teams will definitely be at the top of the list of teams expected to win.

Amda-Mo: Did we learn anything interesting from the match?

Lur-Mn: Not really know. It's unlikely there's much to be learnt at this point. While it's true that occasionally big changes are made after qualifiers are over, such as Zax-Im's brilliant moves to spring us to the title last time around, but this was much more a practice match than an exploratory one. The lineup's been brilliant so far, so don't expect many changes from it.

Amda-Mo: Ok. We have a special segment for our viewers tonight. The draw pots have been announced so we're going to take a look at which teams Az-czzers should be hoping to see.

Lur-Mn: First up is pot B, as we're skipping pot A because that's where we are. Here are the teams:

(these flash on the screen)

POT 2
Bettia
Jeruselem
Milchama
Wentland
Squornshelous
Cafundéu
Oliverry
Tynelia

Clearly the team we want to avoid is Bettia. They're scary good they know our players well and our coaches better and they'd be fired up to take us down as we eliminated them last cup. So we're dreading Bettia. Other than that they're all good teams but none of them are really that scary, although for historical reasons I think we want to avoid Milchama as well.

Amda-Mo: If you had to choose the one team to draw with us who would it be?

Lur-Mn: Cafundeu. We've got history against them, but not the kind of rivalries we see with Milchama or Oliverry where it's a big game for them nor the strong familiarity of friends Bettia and Squornshelous.

Amda-Mo: Moving on to pot 3 we see the other qualifiers from our group. What else lies here?

Lur-Mn: Here are the teams

Bazalonia
Alasdair I Frosticus
Qazox
Turori
Quakmybush
JSY
Bostopia
Northern Bettia

These teams are either quite familiar to Az-cz or basically unknown. Turori and Qazox we saw in qualifiers and neither would be a bad draw. Bazalonia we've played many times and both sides would be up for that so we probably don't want the Bazalopes. Amazingly we've never played Quakmybush so they would be interesting in some sense. Northern Bettia is the other team we don't want to face as their style of play is rough on us.

Amda-Mo: Again, your single choice?

Lur-Mn: JSY. I think they're the weakest side in the group and a team we can easily root against unlike teams like Quakmybush, Bazalonia and Turori who we'd like to see do well.

Amda-Mo: Now the teams in Pot 4:

Novapsolu
Yafor 2
Ad'ihan
Ulzaxid
Candelaria And Marquez
Geisenfried

Lur-Mn: An entirely unispiring lot. Only Geisenfried has any kind of historical significance. Yafor 2 is a consistent fringe team. We definitely want to avoid Candelaria & Marquez as they're the biggest riser in this group. Ulzaxid is acclimating to the game, which is bad cause they've got many natural advantages over all of us. If forced I'm hoping to see one of the hosts from last time around.

Amda-Mo: Really? Adihan looked good in passing the monks for the last spot in their tough group and Novapsolu qualified quite cleanly.

Lur-Mn: True, but there are no easy teams even from this group. Those two are just the two I think would be easiest.

Amda-Mo: So which one then?

Lur-Mn: I guess Adihan.

Amda-Mo: So it seems as if our ideal group will be Az-cz, Cafundeu, JSY and Adihan. Any guess as to how the draw will shake out.

Lur-Mn: Well my understanding is it's all done randomly, but my out of the hat guess is Oliverry, Alasdair I Frosticus and Yafor 2.

Amda-Mo: Interesting. We'll see you all back here next time when these guesses give way to the reality of the opening match of the world cup.

Taeshan

06-12-2007, 21:38

In a suprising game today the ashlaean crowd was tooken there bretheth as the white salamanders beat there own allied country taeshan 0-1. There goalie scored on a penalty kick in the 1st ten seconds. Unsuprisingly in there second game they were utterly clobered by jeru fc. but they still have there pride.
Over in taeshan the players were perplexed and embarresde. Then they lost again to jerusalem.

The game with daehan is expected somtime.

Elves Security Forces

06-12-2007, 22:33

"So after all that ridiculous training, we finished with one of the two perfect records in the qualyfing stages, not bad eh?"

"Yeah not bad Kiso, but hell, I could of easily done without that training and still would of been able to put up the kind of efforts that we did. I mean, really, do you feel like you're any better as a football player after having to run with tortise shells, dodge bullets, chopping trees, and jogging through alligator infested swamps?"

"As a matter of a fact, I do Laborious. I mean, though it was twisted and certainly not called for, all of the activities did help areas of my game. I became faster with the turtle shells, could evade tackles better after dodging bullets, stronger after all that chopping, and my vertical improved three inches after having to avoid those alligators. So yeah, I think I'm better and you're just bitter."

"No, I'm used to tough training. After all, I do play in Turruth Gordur, but dude, this is freaking crazy. We could of lost our lives out there doing that crap. I hope we don't win the tournament that way Constant and his group of trainers are gone, though I wouldn't mind Dwier taking over the job. You got anybody you would like to see as the next manager Kiso?"

"Oh I don't know, as long as we're winning I really don't care. If I had to pick though, I'd like to see Dwier or maybe some foriegner come in. Need to be careful though, my sister is getting pretty good and could be called up pretty soon. Anyways Laborious, I got to go. The VFA is sending me as part of the delegation for draw tommorow and my plane takes off in a few hours, so I got to get my stuff ready and get on down the airport."

"Alright, see you when you get back."

Wentland

06-12-2007, 23:20

the deHalf-time, still goalless, and the girls entered the dressing-room slightly dispirited. And found no Norman Hacker. "Where's the bossman then? I'd've thought he was going to go postal, no goals against a bunch of freakos."

"Dunno, how do we play the second half?"

"No idea, that idiot forward keeps showing me his weapon. No wonder he got subbed."

"By an Italian."

"Yeah, he's quite tasty though."

"I've got a bloody giant mathematical symbol to get past, it's hopeless. I've tried the square ball but it's impossible."

"Never mind...we've qualified regardless..."

"Yeah, but we want to win the group, don't we? Oh, here's the boss now..."

Hacker was effervescent. "Kita's FREE!!! SHE'S OUT!!!!"

The Blue Tits erupted. "No way! You're kidding? Whooooo!!!! Acedoss!!!!"

There was no need for a team talk - the girls were out on the pitch practising instantly. And the Prux team was overwhelmed by the attacking force. Four goals in fifteen minutes, and then it was the party-piece time, only being slightly ruined when a mischievous Katie Barnfield accidentally-on-purpose shoved team-mate Pellegrini from a corner, forcing Thalia head-first into Pies R Round and having to be substituted for an emergency shampoo event.

"Top of the league...and having a laugh...bring it on! Bring THEM ALL ON!!!!"

Jeruselem

07-12-2007, 00:04

Dear Peter Jeffers

It's an exciting time now! Our teams have qualified and it's time for the big games!

The nice people gave me a chance to captain the team. I think we lost to those money grubbers called the SLANI 1-2, but it didn't really matter. The team were disappointed but we tried hard. Kara nearly lost her temper at the referee several times. He liked blowing the whistle when she got the ball. After the game she said some bad things about him, just like Skate would except Kara doesn't swear in French - she does in Jewish (one of Jews on the team told me that, I don't understand Jewish). The coach said I did good job! I don't I can a real captain though since I don't have passion for the game like my niece Skate does.

Skate was back next game against Taeshan in a friendly and we won 2-1. I scored a goal but at the wrong end, oops. Skate wasn't too impressed.

My other niece Jacinta started working at Jeruselem FA. I heard she's really popular! She goes to school like she does every day, but works there when there's no school. She's taking care of applications for Jeru FC coaching job. I think she got the job because she's a Dallas girl or she can understand English, French and Jewish as well as bit of Latin. She seems to have no problems getting help from guys there.

Funny thing happened when we qualified, the coach gave all girls pregnancy testing kits and all the Dallas girls got three of them. I don't know why. Any my test came back nagetive or something like that. There weren't any pisotive results which make him happy. He got worried when Scarlet said "Twins" but figured she was joking.

Skate gave me one of her old laptops. It's Peach MukBook Pro or something like that. She said it's designed for dopey people like me who have trouble with two rat buttons or mouse I think. Maybe it's an Apple computer since that logo looks like an Apple. I'm getting use to it but I still need help from Skate who sometimes gets a bit frustated at how slow I am.

Oh, some funny old men have been following Skate around. They wear funny hats and robes with a funny stick. I think I saw them in a movie called "Cleopatra" once. They call themselves Priests of Isis. They even gave her a funny hat, called a headdress.

My mum Debbie said I'd be very smart if it wasn't for a doctor dropping me my head. Some people I'm smart for a dumb person! I don't know. Can't wait to see you again. I want to start our family!

The coach is working us hard - even the Princess is complaining. Anyway, love you. If you can explain this World Cup Pot draw stuff ... please!

Hikfie Dallas
XXX

Kura-Pelland

07-12-2007, 01:27

WORLD CUP 38 FINALS DRAW

GROUP A
Az-cz
Northern Bettia
Ulzaxid
Wentland

GROUP B
Ariddia
Novapsolu
Qazox
Cafundéu

GROUP C
Zwangzug
Geisenfried
Bazalonia
Tynelia

GROUP D
Vephrall
Sel Appa
Jeruselem
Bostopia

GROUP E
Errinundera
The Holy Empire
Milchama
Ad'ihan

GROUP F
Capitalizt SLANI
JSY
Yafor II
Oliverry

GROUP G
Demot
Squornshelous
Turori
Candelaria And Marquez

GROUP H
Kura-Pelland
Quakmybush
Bettia
Valanora

Scheduling:
MD1: 1v2, 3v4
MD2: 1v3, 2v4
MD3: 1v4, 2v3

A post will soon be made detailing which stadium each match will take place in.

Bostopia

07-12-2007, 01:38

It was 19:03, and Peter Jeffers was disturbed from Combat Duty 4: Current Operations - for the first time featuring levels in Bostopia and Casari - by the sound of his phone going off.

He picked his phone up, and clicked into his message.

Hey guys, Kelly here. Just to let you know we've been drawn in Group D, with Vephrall, Sel Appa and Jeruselem. Peter, calm down. The FA is sorting out plane tickets and accomodation as we speak. See you all soon! Kelly.

Peter stared at the screen, before yelling "HIKFIE!" at the top of his voice.

He hit new message, and started writing a text.

Heya chuck! Sorry it's late, but thought you should know the World Cup draw. Bostopia's in Group D with Sel Appa, Vephrall and... JERUSELEM! I'll be seeing you really soon! Isn't that great? Whatever the result, we'll have fun ;). Love ya lots like sambuca shots xxx

Peter put his phone down and hit the escape button on his keyboard.

For once, he was letting his own imagination distract him from shooting Commies...

Jeru FC

07-12-2007, 01:51

Tunk Abrams was looking for Jacinta Dallas at the Jeruselem FA. The small schoolgirl employee was nowhere to be seen until she popped out under her desk. She had dropped something and went looking for it.

Jacinta: Hello! Tunky!
Tunk: There you are, we got any applications yet?
Jacinta: Just one far.
Tunk: Looks like no one want to work with the boys.

Jacinta: That's alright, it's early days.
Tunk: So what do you here?
Jacinta: I'm just a personal assistant.
Tunk: And you're going to school too?

Jacinta: I only work here part time.
Tunk: Why do need to work?
Jacinta: Mum says you need to work to learn things about the workspace.
Tunk: Good point, she's a good mother.

Jacinta: So why are you here?
Tunk: To deliver my resignation from the Jeru FC job officially, so the next coach can take over.
Jacinta: What's wrong with the job?
Tunk: I just need to concentrate on my club coaching and well, I think the boys need a new coach.

Jacinta: Coach? They need a good whipping!
Tunk: I think they'd enjoy it
Jacinta: So would I
Tunk: I'd thught you'd say that.

Kura-Pelland

07-12-2007, 01:58

World Cup schedule

GROUP A:
MD1:
Az-cz v Northern Bettia, Speilers. This match is ICly preceded by the opening ceremony
Ulzaxid v Wentland, Netlas

MD2:
Az-cz v Ulzaxid, Meice
Northern Bettia v Wentland, Tuffir

MD3:
Az-cz v Wentland, Spielers
Ulzaxid v Northern Bettia, Gloem

GROUP B:
MD1:
Ariddia v Novapsolu, Tuffir
Qazox v Cafundéu, Pallona

MD2:
Ariddia v Qazox, Moje
Novapsolu v Cafundéu, Pallona

MD3:
Ariddia v Cafundéu, Solonds
Novapsolu v Qazox, Pallona

GROUP C:
MD1:
Zwangzug v Geisenfried, Moje
Bazalonia v Tynelia, Solonds

MD2:
Zwangzug v Bazalonia, Gloem
Geisenfried v Tynelia, Solonds

MD3:
Zwangzug v Tynelia, Moje
Geisenfried v Bazalonia, Tuffir

GROUP D:
MD1:
Vephrall v Sel Appa, Meice
Jeruselem v Bostopia, Gloem

MD2:
Vephrall v Jeruselem, Spielers
Sel Appa v Bostopia, Netlas

MD3:
Vephrall v Bostopia, Meice
Sel Appa v Jeruselem, Netlas

GROUP E:
MD1:
Errinundera v The Holy Empire, Prangren
Milchama v Ad'ihan, Wulting

MD2:
Errinundera v Milchama, Fariynuff
The Holy Empire v Ad'ihan, Murley

MD3:
Errinundera v Ad'ihan, Porterbridge
Milchama v The Holy Empire, Prangren

GROUP F:
MD1:
Capitalizt SLANI v JSY, Fariynuff
Yafor II vs Oliverry, Murley

MD2:
Capitalizt SLANI v Yafor II, Porterbridge
JSY v Oliverry, Prangren

MD3:
Capitalizt SLANI v Oliverry, Fariynuff
JSY v Yafor II, Murley

GROUP G:
MD1:
Demot v Squornshelous, Trilan
Turori v Candelaria And Marquez, Grayton City

MD2:
Demot v Turori, Parwood
Squornshelous v Candelaria And Marquez, Wulting

MD3:
Demot v Candelaria And Marquez, Parwood
Squornshelous v Turori, Grayton City

GROUP H:
MD1:
Kura-Pelland v Quakmybush, Porterbridge
Bettia v Valanora, Parwood

MD2:
Kura-Pelland v Bettia, Trilan
Quakmybush v Valanora, Grayton City

MD3:
Kura-Pelland v Valanora, Trilan
Bettia v Quakmybush, Wulting

THE KNOCKOUT STAGES
Round of 16
1. 1st A v 2nd B, Pallona
2. 1st B v 2nd A, Gloem
3. 1st C v 2nd D, Tuffir
4. 1st D v 2nd C, Solonds
5. 1st E v 2nd F, Murley
6. 1st F v 2nd E, Wulting
7. 1st G v 2nd H, Prangren
8. 1st H v 2nd G, Grayton City

Quarter-finals
9. Winner 1 v Winner 3, Moje
10. Winner 2 v Winner 4, Netlas
11. Winner 5 v Winner 7, Parwood
12. Winner 6 v Winner 8, Porterbridge

Semi-finals
13. Winner 9 v Winner 10, Meice
14. Winner 11 v Winner 12, Fariynuff

Third-place playoff, Speilers
FINAL, Trilan

Zwangzug

07-12-2007, 02:36

"What do you think of the group draw?"

"Are you fortunate to have gotten two of the lowest seeds?"

"What sort of challenge will Geisenfried present?"

Coach Mcgimpy tossed off curt answers to the worrying number of media figures trying to question him, pushing his way through. "C'mon, Sue, let's get you home."

"She's so cute!" Mal marveled. "I didn't know you had a daughter, Coach."

"Yeah, well, neither did I."

"Tell me a story!" whined the toddler.

They clambered onto a train and found a seat near the back, with Sue perched comfortably on her father's lap. "I don't know too many, kiddo."

"Please?"

"Well..." He looked at the sheafs that had been shoved into his hand, detailing Zwangzug's probable opposition. "I can try...

One seed (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13221382&postcount=11)
Two seed (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13219905&postcount=4)
Red team (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13225891&postcount=36)
Blue team (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13222867&postcount=23)

Black team (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13224350&postcount=31)
Blue team (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13220051&postcount=6)
Old team (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13221566&postcount=12)
New team (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13220720&postcount=8)

These ones (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13227684&postcount=41) wear kits with five stars.
These ones (http://www.nationstates.net/errinundera) don't have any cars.
Say! what a lot of teams there are.

Yes. Some are red. And some are blue. Some are old. And some are new.

But of course, not all of them qualified. So some (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13226235&postcount=38) are sad.
And some (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13220743&postcount=10) are glad.

But some (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13223632&postcount=25) are just very, very, bad.

Why are they sad and glad and bad? I do not know. Go ask your dad."

"Daddy?"

"Yeah?"

"Why?"

"I don't know either.

They try to win by playing hard
But they might get a yellow card.

From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere.

Some (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13221804&postcount=14) ran up the ranks to their spot.
They made it: some said they might not.

Oh me! Oh my! Oh me! Oh my! What a lot of funny teams go by.

Some (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13223614&postcount=24) have two defenders
and some (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13220739&postcount=9) have four.
Some (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13225950&postcount=37) have six defenders
I don't know of any more. Unless you count the substitutes.

They come from all over the map. Isn't it time to take a nap?"

"No!"

"We see them (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13227789&postcount=44) come.
Some (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13222752&postcount=21) once did go.
Some (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13252516&postcount=50) once progressed quickly, some (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13221831&postcount=16) slow.
Some (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13222800&postcount=22) are ranked high.
Some (http://www.nationstates.net/geisenfried) are ranked low.

Not one of them is like another. Don't ask me why. Go ask your mother...don't, not really."

"More!"

"No, I'm done for now, I've got to work on the team. Just look at this formation!"

Jeruselem

07-12-2007, 03:01

Skate's World Cup 38 Finals Preview!

Hello! Princess Skate doing the usual preview of the finals. 32 teams left and they'll be 16 left after 16 are eliminated. You should know that but I said that in case some didn't know.

GROUP A
Az-cz (2)
Wentland (12)
Northern Bettia (26)
Ulzaxid (36)

If them Gnomes don't win this group, it'd be a shock. Wentland with the Hacker's cute bunch of super-talented women (only bested by Jeruselem's bimbos) should take the other spot. Poor old Ulzaxid should be last and the Gogs will try their best to upset the others but I think this one is easy.

GROUP B
Ariddia (1)
Cafundéu (14)
Qazox (21)
Novapsolu (30)

Our friends from Arridia should top this group. Novapsolu are a good team but I don't think they can knock out the others but I might be quite wrong about this. So it's down to Cafundéu mafia and the Qazox Pheonix! This is not an easy thing - I'd normally pick Cafundéu, but I'm going out to pick the birds.

GROUP C
Zwangzug (5)
Tynelia (18)
Bazalonia (19)
Geisenfried (41)

The Z team should have no issues from current form. Geisenfried are here but they barely made it and I think the other teams are a much better quality. Right, Tynelia or Bazalonia! The qualifiers didn't tell us much really but I think Bazalonia might have the edge.

GROUP D
Sel Appa (7)
Jeruselem (10)
Bostopia (25)
Vephrall (35)

The hosts Vephrall are here albiet as the lowest ranked team. Jeruselem always seem to lumped into groups with our friends - like Hockey Canada, Nedalia, Bettia, Qazox in the past. This time - it's Sel Appa and Bostopia. The Turtles are the biggest threat but also Kelly Firth's boys too. Jeruselem have a good record against the team with Hikfie's husband as keeper, but not sure about them Turtles.

Form says Turtles and Princesses (us), but I'm going my heart here. Bostopia and Jeruselem. Mainly because Peter Jeffers is a part of our extended family.

GROUP E
Errinundera (3)
Milchama (11)
The Holy Empire (20)
Ad'ihan (32)

Adi'han nudged out the cute hunky Monks to get here but now, they face the wrath of the Holy Empire! But I'm still picking Erri and Maggie workshippers because of their experience and rank too. The Empire vs Ah'ihan game is the one to watch!

GROUP F
Capitalizt SLANI (4)
Oliverry (17)
JSY (24)
Yafor II (31)

The SLANI beat us up twice (not happy) so they should have no issues. Yafor 2 barely scraped in and I can't see them progressing really. It's fellow Frenchies Oliverry or Asian JSY. I'm going for an upset with JSY pipping Oliverry.

GROUP G
Demot (6)
Squornshelous (13)
Turori (22)
Candelaria And Marquez (38)

Hey hey, it's C&M but with Demot and Squornshelous stomping on their opponents - Turori should be 3rd with a valiant C&M last. Yes, C&M could upset Turori but not the other two teams. C&M could not beat us and the SLANI in qualifying but I think they are going to try harder here.

GROUP H
Valanora (8) aka ESF. Elves
Bettia (9)
Quakmybush (23)
Kura-Pelland (34)

The hosts K-P did themselves a favour putting Bettia and Elves in their own group. Rather easy to pick this one.

Our schedule

MD1:
Vephrall v Sel Appa, Meice (expect Sel Appa win)
Jeruselem v Bostopia, Gloem (Jeruselem should win but we'll be happy with a draw. A loss is not an option)

MD2:
Vephrall v Jeruselem, Spielers (We need to win this - MUST WIN. If we don't we're screwed)
Sel Appa v Bostopia, Netlas (I don't know, very important game. Pray for Kelly's team!)

MD3:
Vephrall v Bostopia, Meice (Bostopia must win this)
Sel Appa v Jeruselem, Netlas (If we win the first two, we are OK and can afford to lose. We can expect to lose this game but we'd prefer a win or at least a draw. We are not aiming to lose this one.)

That's it! Don't complain about bias because I am a member of Jeruselem team and push family interests too. Nothing against Sel Appa or Veprall, but at this end of the cup - winning is everything.

Qazox

07-12-2007, 06:27

JAN 5 1934 Qazox:

(SportsRadio 1750am, Fromburg)

GROUP B
Ariddia
Novapsolu
Qazox
Cafundéu

This is the group, for those that care, for Qazox in the upcoming World Cup.
And the schedule for all 47 of you going to the matches:

MD1:
Qazox v Cafundéu, Pallona

MD2:
Ariddia v Qazox, Moje

MD3:
Novapsolu v Qazox, Pallona

I think the Pheonix or whatever they are will go 1-0-2, with the lone win coming against Novapsolu, and two beat-downs from Three-Time champs Ariddia and Strong contender Cafundéu. Maybe they'll lose all three so badly, that the QSC will decide once and for all to drop this silly game in favor of Gridball or Baseball, heck I'd even watch Volleyball over football.

Vephrall

07-12-2007, 07:08

The following broadcast is presented by BCN, your new ultimate sports source - all the sports that we can find, twenty-four seven, three sixty-five.
http://www.prism.gatech.edu/~gth681k/ns/vephrall/BCN.png

(voiceover) "Training camp in Fenstus. Twenty-three men getting ready to embark on the ultimate adventure: proudly representing their nation in the biggest sporting event in the world...the World Cup. But will Vephrall lift the coveted trophy, and if not, who will?"

(cue catchy opening music, and relatively crappy animated opening graphics. hey, sorry, that's what you get for being in a country with early-1980s technology - not exactly cutting-edge CGI.)

"Hi, everyone, I'm Cese Ellad here with Sorn Sarashe, and welcome to BCN's first ever World Cup preview show. And just as we're proud to bring you this program for the first time, of course the whole nation is proud to be hosting this enormous event."

SS: "We sure are, Cese. But of course, the big question for everyone is, who's going to win this thing?"

CE: "Well, as always, the first ones you should ask are the bookmakers. We'll look to our neighbors and co-hosts Kura-Pelland first - they're showing Ariddia and Az-cz as joint 7-1 favorites, followed by Zwangzug at 9-1."

SS: "Seven to one? What's the book on that, Cese?"

CE: "About a hundred and twenty percent."

SS: (whistles) "And what are they saying down in Pallona?*"

CE: "Well, they've gone so far as to pick an outright favorite - Az-cz to defend the title. But, they apparently think this Cup could be wide open and they're paying out a bit more, 11-1. I think we've got the full odds here..."

OFFICIAL WC38 ODDS FROM GOLDEN CHARIOT

Az-cz 11-1 Tynelia 33-1
Ariddia 12-1 The Holy Empire 40-1
Capitalizt SLANI 12-1 Bostopia 50-1
Demot 14-1 Jaseuyeon 50-1
Errinundera 14-1 Qazox 50-1
Sel Appa 14-1 Turori 50-1
Zwangzug 14-1 Quakmybush 60-1
Valanora 16-1 Northern Bettia 75-1
Bettia 18-1 Ad'ihan 90-1
Jeruselem 20-1 Candelaria And Marquez 90-1
Cafundéu 25-1 Kura-Pelland 100-1
Milchama 25-1 Novapsolu 100-1
Oliverry 25-1 Yafor 2 100-1
Squornshelous 25-1 Vephrall 125-1
Wentland 25-1 Ulzaxid 150-1
Bazalonia 33-1 Geisenfried 200-1

Book %/overround: 111.76%

SS: "A little disheartening, both major bookmakers putting Vephrall down near the bottom of the list at 125-1. And yet also both putting Kura-Pelland slightly higher at 100-1. You'll remember the two host nations just had that home-and-home friendly series, and Vephrall won overall. Sounds like maybe somebody in the business knows something we don't."

CE: "Well, let's be honest, Vephrall is ranked 35th overall and 29th out of the 32 participating nations. Only Ulzaxid, C&M, and Geisenfried are ranked lower."

SS: "Speaking of C&M, I notice the relatively short odds for them up there, only 90-1."

CE: "Who knows, maybe they could be something of a sleeper in the group stage. And on that topic, why don't we have a look at what lies ahead for the Vephrall team in the group stage?"

SS: "Well, if I had to give Group D an overall difficulty rating, I'd call it a B-. The top dog in the group is #7 Sel Appa. On paper, one of the weakest first seeds in the tournament. Now of course, they did go undefeated in qualifying and won all but one game. But qualifying isn't necessarily an indication of how well a team will perform in the World Cup proper. Look at the last few runs for Ariddia; they've often been slow out of the gate in qualifying, but nobody can deny that they're one of the five best teams in the world right now. Heck, even in their great run of dominance a few decades back, Bedistan typically didn't really wow the world in qualifying. Come to think of it, I don't think they ever scored more than seven goals in a qualifying match no matter how weak the opponent."

CE: "So do you think this also works the other way around. Namely, that a team that does very well in qualifying is likely to kind of flounder a bit in the Cup proper?"

SS: "'Likely' isn't really the right word for it. It is nevertheless a distinct possibility. An undefeated qualifying run might make a team a little too big for its britches, if you will, and they're going to have to make sure they do a professional job against the other teams in the group."

CE: "All right, so Sel Appa on upset watch. How about the second seed, Jeruselem?"

SS: "Does Jeruselem actually have a team? I thought it was just a nation full of porn stars."

CE: "What, you're saying you can't have a team of porn stars? Didn't the Holy Empire do exactly that several Cups back?"

SS: "All kidding aside, watch out for these girls. Actually, I believe it's rumored that there are men on the team too, but I would imagine they'd have all mutinied when their team's nickname was changed to the 'Princesses'. One of the best second seeds in the competition, I'm thinking they'll get through this with seven points. Either Sel Appa or Bostopia will pull out a draw, but besides that they'll run the table."

CE: "And speaking of Bostopia, how do you think they'll fare?"

SS: "That depends entirely on Sel Appa's overconfidence level. If Sel Appa get a win against the hosts on matchday one, they might let their guard down, and if they do you can bet Bostopia will take advantage. If Bostopia pulls off the upset over the Turtles on matchday two, that could potentially give them a lot to play for against Vephrall in the final game. On paper these guys are one of the weakest third seeds, but if you ask me they're underrated."

CE: "So you think we could see Bostopia qualifying for the knockout stages?"

SS: "We could, yes. Though to be honest, if you had to press me for an answer one way or the other, I'd have to say that Bostopia will be jimmy doing one at the end of the group stage, bruv."

CE: "And finally, us. As fourth seeds, will playing at home be enough to give us the boost into the next round?"

SS: "No. Again, this is not one of the toughest groups, but it's not the easiest either. If you're curious, I think Group G gets that honor. We may be fighting Bostopia for third, but my overall prediction has Jeruselem winning the group on seven points, Sel Appa five, Bostopia two, Vephrall one."

CE: "And, since we're running out of time, your pick to win it all?"

SS: "Valanora. Yes, they're the weakest first seed, but they're in a relatively weak Group H where Bettia is really the only major obstacle. Kura-Pelland will put up a valiant effort, but should still lose to the elves, and Quakmybush will flop. These guys won all fourteen in qualifying, and unlike Sel Appa, I think they can keep the momentum going, quite possibly all the way to the end."

CE: "Well, that's that, then. Up next here on BCN, college basketball. It's the annual grudge match between BTI and Bektys State, should be a fun one to watch. Good night, everyone."

* Pallona is basically Vephrall's equivalent to Las Vegas. Except it's not in the middle of a desert.

Tynelia

07-12-2007, 15:13

“Sir its Agent White are you there?” asked the nervous sounding Agent.

“Of course I’m here Agent White, this is my private line. You have news?” Agent Jones asked.

“Yes sir, I’ve found the religiousist .” White answered.

“Is that even a word Agent White? Stick to religious nutbag, much easier. So who is it, we have people ready to act.”

“But sir, this would be a huge blow for the team right before the cup if something happened to him.” White evaded.

“Him eh? I should have known, but what difference does it make. Who is it?” Jones demanded.

“Its Coach Andrews sir. I overheard him praying to their Lord of Scores. Then when I broke into his office later I found a bill for the purchase of the hippo statues. But you can’t take him away Sir. The Cup’s about to begin and we have to beat Bazalonia if we want to get to the knockouts in the first match. Then we have Geisenfried that beat us in the qualifiers, we can’t afford to have a coaching change now! If Coach is removed the team will be a mess.” White pleaded.

“Agent White, you are aware that your first duty is to this country are you not?” Agent Jones replied formally.

“Yes sir.”

“While I am aware things may be a bit unclear at your entry level and youth Agent White. Winning this Cup is not our goal here. It is to cut the legs out from under these nutbags so their numbers don’t increase any more. Clearly a strong cup run will only reinforce this position. So we have to keep him in his job. However, we must not do well so the failure will fall back on him. It is unfortunate that you failed to find this out earlier so we could have taken action to not qualify at all.”

“But sir. Isn’t it good for the economy if Tynelia does well?”

“It is not your place to worry about such matters Agent White. Any economic gain would be offset by an increase in the numbers of these nutbags. Just make sure the team fails.”

“But they’re my teammates sir.”

“Agent White, it seems you do not understand where your loyalties are to lie. I told Agent Smith that you were far too young for such a vital task but I was overruled. You know how Agent Smith dislikes being wrong do you not?” Jones pressed threateningly.

“Yes sir.” White replied in a small voice.

“Then what is going to happen is that you will receive a package tonight. In it you will find a vial with some liquid in it. You will empty the contents of the vial into the team’s meal that night before the match so the team will fall ill and lose. You will also eat that same meal so no suspicion falls on you. If you fail to do this you will be replaced by someone more dedicated to their country and you shall be sent to face Agent Smith who will decide your fate. Is that understood Agent White?”

“Yes sir.”

“Will you follow your orders then Agent White?”

<pause> “Yes sir.”

“Very well then.” <click>

Hanging up the phone, eyes filling with tears at the thought of the betrayal she was about to make of her friends and teammates, Agent White jumped at the sound of the knock on her hotel room door.

“Hey Kara, let’s go. We’ll be late for practice.” Mandy Lynn yelled through the door.

Drying her eyes Kara Brown, aka Agent White, gathered herself and yelled back. “Be right there Mandy. Was on the phone with Dad.”

“Hurry up then. Coach will have us doing laps if we’re late!”

“Yeah, yeah, I know.” Kara replied grabbing her things and wondering how long she could live this double life as she headed off to practice.

Candelaria And Marquez

07-12-2007, 18:28

The Albrecht Herald Evening Edition/Sport

With the World Cup draw hot off the presses, Tracker Edwards and Mack Hession attempt to get a handle on the size of Ricardo Garcia’s task…

On the face of it, this isn’t an appalling draw for the Big Blues on their debut. Certainly from over here in Vircais there isn’t unanimous agreement in an inevitable failure, with Vephrese telly suggesting we could be ‘something of a sleeper for the group stage’; but the lovely young lady from Jeruselem summed up the mood moments ago by confidently predicting a valiant last place for Garcia’s men. On the plus side, of course, we’re in the west of Kura-Pelland again and will have several players with experience of playing in these climes four years ago in the Harmony. It’s just a pity that they won’t be able to put their feet up in what became C&M-on-sea: Varlona; for the entire group stage this time around.

As the thirty-eighth-ranked side in the world, and going into the tournament after the turmoil of recent months, few can realistically argue that C&M are not just here for the experience – an honour in itself, admittedly, with the Han, the Sortherners and the like forced to watch us on the TV from their native lands. But if our boys are going to trastorne cualquier carro de la manzana, here’s what they’ll have to get through…

’Oo are ya?: Why, regular World Cupper Turori, of course. An excessively large island off of former champions Vilita; they’ll surely have been partying in the streets of Almintora for many an evening after their terrifying big colonial neighbours failed to qualify for the first time in ages and their little brothers made it in their stead.

But make no mistake, Turori have been about at the highest level for a long old time in their own right, and have made the knock-out stages more than once. Garcia will be off to phone the Candelarias-based Endmile international right-back Thjis Tullier for the inside track but may not be able to get much more than a nervous giggle out of the Candelaria-Allemali man, given that Turori put five past them away from home.

But… Endmile did manage to hold them to a draw on home turf in the reverse fixture, and therein lies hope. Turori lost three games in the qualifying campaign just gone, and drew two an’ all. They also conceded more goals than our Blues. Crucially, their record in the actual World Cup finals tournament has been poor in recent years, their week in Ad’ihan including a 4-1 whupping by Demot (we’ll get to them in a minute). Indeed, they haven’t had a win in the finals since WC35 when they beat Effmudgephoenix 1-0 in the final game of the group. You have to go back to WC33 to find something a little more convincing, viz. a four-niller over Yafor II. And even we can beat the Golden Wolves, so what does that prove?

Don’t wilt in Wulting, boys: Going even further back in the mist of time, Turori lost a cracker of a WC31 group game 3-2 to our second opponents Squornshelous. Just about the most offensive side out there, who play in a similar formation to us right now and have a squad packed full of players more than capable of playing and scoring in any role on the pitch; the Sqornshelons are former World Cup champions – the last team not beginning with an A or B to lift the title – and have qualified for the finals more times than anyone else. From anywhere. Ever. In a qualifying group containing Bettia, Ad’ihan, those odd religious fellows and Casari, they sailed through with few difficulties.

But…: They lost to an apparently deceased nation in Tuaim on the opening matchday of this World Cup, proving that they too are beatable by even the biggest underdogs. They’re hardly the force they once were, with an outstandingly pacey side but inexperienced defence. Any Candelariasian victory can only come after a major change of tactics and personnel by Garcia, who surely must throw Yasser Zaghloul up front to give the opposition rearguard something extra to think about. The Big Blues would be foolish to match fire with fire, and for all his ability Jos Cornelisse’s return after his coccyx injury may be short lived with Zach Pinkowski’s strength needed here to shake things up. In ability on the ball, José Felipe Cassumba Domingos can give any Squornshelan a run for their money; and with the physical support of Ben Head and Matteo Corradini behind him, and just two opposition midfielders, C&M made find themselves with periods of unaccustomed domination in the centre of the park. They must learn what to do with them. Quickly.

And finally…: Well, it’s seasonal, after a fashion. Yes, break out yer holly and don’t whatever up do have a snog under the mistletoe unless you’ve venerated it first; ‘tis the druids of Demot. The Big Blues’ final match of the group stage, be it a vital decider or merely for pride, will be against the side who made it to the WC37 final only to loose to their partners for their failed WC38 hosting bid, our snotty spondyloepiphyseal dysplasia congenital friends over in, of course, the blasted Atlantian Oceania.

Their own route to the final included a 4-1 demolition of the perennial firm favourites of Ariddia, as well as the aforementioned drubbing of Turori by the same scoreline. Get any kind of a result here, and we’ll really start to see the first signs of a new spring for Candelariasian football. But with their pedigree, and with the very real possibility of two defeats from two already; C&M’s Imbolc could become an unpleasant Groundhog Day all over again.

But… Beatable? Possibly not. Drawable? You betcha. David Masteron’s side had to settle for single points against the likes of the Pazhujebs and St Samuel during qualifying this time around, while in the run-up to WC37 they started off on a nightmare run loosing three-nil at home to a bunch of amateurs from Casari and none other than Endmile 2-1. Draws against Limbrogidlia and Assegai Developments should also inspire Candelariasian confidence after a fashion, even if it was a few years ago now.

Besides; Parwood’s a leafy city by all accounts, so perhaps this bunch of peaceful occultists will be distracted by their surroundings. After all, with surnames like ‘Swordhand’, ‘Armorsmith’ and ‘Songsteel’ how tough can they… be..?

Oh dear.

Cafundeu

07-12-2007, 18:33

GLOBO MULTIMEDIA PRESENTS
THE WORLD CUP GROUP COMMENTS
With Breno Gavião and João Luiz Mantena

BRENO - "Hello again, my frrrrriends of Globo Multimedia! Another Worrrrrld Cup for the Monopolists, and this time with no brrrrroken satellites..."

(the image disappears, but returns soon after)

BRENO - "...what happened? It can't be the satellite, this prrrrrroblem was solved! Don't worrrrry my frrrrriends, it's all rrrrrright. Let's continue talking about the Worrrrrld Cup. The grrrrroup drrrrraw was made, and our grrrrroup will appear on the scrrrrreen..."

GROUP B
Ariddia (1)
Cafundéu (14)
Qazox (21)
Novapsolu (30)

BRENO - "Grrrrroup B... not that the letter means something, but this is our letter... B. What do you think, Mantena?"

MANTENA - "The letter B is just a normal letter, like any other. But as my daughter is called Beatriz, I like this letter..."

BRENO - "I am talking about the group, João."

MANTENA - "Ah, the group. This group has Ariddia, so it's difficult."

BRENO - "Why do we have to play against Arrrrriddia again? Last cup we faced them too. It'll be a good game, but verrrrry difficult."

MANTENA - "You are right, Breno. That's why I said that the group is difficult. But much easier than the last ones... I mean, the ones in World Cups thirty-seven and thirty-six, when we had to face teams like Schiavonia, Wentland, The Archregimancy and... Ariddia."

BRENO - "Novapsolu again... I expect a win."

MANTENA - "This is our easiest game. We defeated Novapsolu by seven goals of difference in the qualifying stage."

BRENO - "But Qazox..."

MANTENA - "More difficult, I agree. But our team is in very good form, we are more than ready to win this game too."

BRENO - "And Ariddia?"

MANTENA - "É aí que o bicho pega!"

BRENO - "Yes, a difficult game. Can we expect qualification?"

MANTENA - "Yes."

BRENO - "Well, our first game will be against Qazox in the gambling city of Pallona, in Vephrall. This seems a good place, we can bet, play cards, throw our money away. A paradise. As I'll travel to there, I expect to enjoy the city."

MANTENA - "Me too."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cafundéu - formation for the next game against Qazox: Lauro; Léo Mattos, Toninho, Eduardo Monte and Carlão; Anormal, Vergara, Rato and Neto; Heitor and Flecha.
Coach: Franz Braddock.
Style of +3

Place: Pallona, Vephrall.
Match's Referee: Jeremiah Kalitichenko (Sel Appa).

Adihan

07-12-2007, 20:04

OOC: Much of the first bit is taken from the actual IRC proceedings.

Orchestral music by the newly formed Vircais Symphony Orchestra plays. This is apparently the World Cup 38 official theme.

The Bostopian representative, Field Marshal Denfeld, settles down to watch the draw, and grabs a pint of bitter.

Cliff Berkton, chief of one half of the World Cup organising FAs, greets the representatives. "Good evening from Mambaro," he says, even as the Valanoran representative, Kiso Night throws a water balloon at Mrs Coulter, who's Bazalonian manager Andrew's mother.

"Welcome to the draw for the 38th World Cup finals, to take place here in Kura-Pelland and in Vephrall," continues Berkton. Mrs Coulter stands up drenched, oblivious to Berkton, and yells, "who did that?"

Berkton pauses, and sees the magnitude of the task ahead of him. "I am Cliff Berkton, chairman of the Kura-Pellandi Football Association, and because this audience is too rowdy to control on my own, I have my Vephrese colleague Angufams Wecoisus with me."

Angufams nods. "Yes, greetings once again, ladies and gentlemen; I'm Angufams Wecoisus. At the time of the qualifying draw, I was vice-president of the Vephraller Foutbiller Restritris; I have since been elected president of the association."

Kiso Night stands up and angrily demands, "Where's the wine? I was promised wine and women!" At the same time, Lewis-Edwards, clearly bored by now, directs a comment at Angufams. "We don't really care, Angufams, get to the draw!"

Tom Pensée, Oliverry's representative, gives Kiso Night a cup of Surrindère Rouge, cuvée 1093, which is Oliverrian wine. Night hands Tom a piece of silver and takes a sip.

At this point, a Casaran representative walks in. Alex Lewis-Edwards takes Tom's pillow and throws it at the Casaran representative, who has no business here. Angufams gets frustrated and tries to proceed. "Comments from the Ad'ihani peanut gallery aside, I believe Mr. Berkton is ready to provide an explanation of the procedure for tonight..."

The rather annoying old lady, Mrs Coulter, pipes up. "Good for you, Mr Wecoisus." Berkton interjects and responds to his counterpart. "I am indeed. All the teams bar three have been divided into four pots, based on the official post-qualification KPB rankings, available from all usual sources. The three exceptions are the co-hosts, Kura-Pelland and Vephrall, and the defending champions Az-cz."

Pensée looks at Field Marshal Denfield. "Mr. Denfeld, want some wine?"

Berkton continues talking about the draw procedure, with everyone else getting quite bored by now. That annoying old lady again pipes up. "Please address each other with proper titles thank you Mr. Pensée, it's Field Marshal Denfeld."

Denfield doesn't seem to care, of course. "Wine you say? Is it red or white?" As Berkton continues with his long-winded explanation, the Casaran representative says what's on most people's minds. "Too bloody complicated!"

Pensée informs Denfield that it's Surrindère Rouge; red wine. "Ah, red! A Field Marshal can't be seen drinking white wine." Berkton glares at them, and continues. "Anyway, we shall start with Pot 1, and when groups D and H come along I will pick out a number from one of these eight pots, which have the numbers 2, 3 and 4 with the group letter. Now, with the formalities done, we go to Pot 1."

Following an extended string of comments from the apparently-drunk Kiso Night about the legality of Az-Cz's participation, that bloody old lady, irritating as ever, decides now's the time to speak, again. "Now Mr. Night. Such allegations are not appropriate. I'm sure if you did think that the Az-czids did cheat you should bring it up with Mr. Gaines."

As the draw starts with Ariddia going into Group B, Kiso responds. "Gaines replied saying I was being a sore loser." Mrs Coulter, annoying as ever, retorts, "Well, I'm sure you were, then." Zwangzug are drawn into Group C and Sel Appa into D.

The Casaran, Michael Maclusky, slyly draws a bottle of stout out of his coat and opens it on the table. Berkton clarifies the draw. "That means Sel Appa play Vephrall on the first matchday, in Meice's Ellime e Vephrall." This brings a slight smile to Angufams' face, and he continues with the draw. "Thank you. Errinundera will play in Group E."

The noise of the room is made even worse with the sudden ringing of a mobile phone. Kiso looks sheepish and frustrated. "Argh, my stupid sister is calling me to see what group we're going to play in. I wish mum never would of given her my number." He ignores the ringing, leading Maclusky to tell him to shut the phone off. "No cell phones!"

Angufams tries to ignore the nuisance. "Capitalizt SLANI - my apologies for the language, Mrs. Coulter - will go into Group F." Coulter nods. "Apologies noted, Mr. Wecoisus." Lewis-Edwards is clearly frustrated with Coulter by now, and coughs right in her face. Kiso gets out his phone and starts texting instead.

Apparently the draw continued during this melée. Berkton's voice drifts back into focus. "...which means Kura-Pelland meet Valanora on matchday 3, in Shanvley Stadium in Trilan." Kiso looks up from his phone for a second. "Walkover."

Coulter looks at Alex, annoyed at being coughed at. "Aren't you going to pardon yourself Mr. Edwards?" Alex gets mad at this point. "Mrs Coulter, my name is Alex Lewis-Edwards, not Alex L. Edwards, get it right!" Coulter nods and apologises. "But I'm still waiting for an 'excuse me', Mr. Lewis-Edwards."

Berkton tries to proceed with the draw. "We move on, slightly illogically, to Pot 4, which contains the six lowest-ranked teams who are visiting us, as opposed to us as hosts. Some are still better than us. We'll start with Group A and skip D and H."

Michael Maclusky looks around and yells "Go Rugball" Denfield looks at Maclusky. "Ah, the sport of people who don't know whether they'd rather play football or rugby..." Coulter, of course, spoke up... again. "Rugball... That's such a violent sport."

The draw continues, with slightly less interruption, until...

Angufams draws JSY. "Next up is Jaseuyeon, in Group F." Berkton reconfirms that: "And SJY are into Slot 2, and will start off against their rival association in Commerce Heights, SLANI." Lewis-Edwards points out the error. "I'm sure Seujayeon will like that, Cliff." Berkton nods and apologises, but Coulter interjects. "Language, Mr Berkton!"

The draw continues for a bit before the annoying bitch decides to interrupt proceedings again. "Mr. Berkton. I believe you haven't excused yourself." Lewis-Edwards growls at Coulter. "Shut it, old lady." Berkton does indeed apologise. Coulter decides to continue rambling on. "And anyway what kind of nation uses a swearword in such a high profile institution?"

Alex Lewis-Edwards decides enough is enough, and threatens to stab the old lady. Totally oblivious to that, she continues. "I have a mind to right those in the Unified Capitalizt States a piece of my mind!" Just then, Jeruselem are drawn out. Berkton looks up and repeats that. "Slot 3 in Group D for the sluts." This causes Coulter to lose it, and she yells at Berkton. "MR BERKTON!"

Lewis-Edwards decides he can't take it anymore, and stabs Coulter with a penknife. Kiso also thinks it's far too annoying now. "Hey Tom, want to hogtie and gag the old lady and throw her into the alley?" While Tom turns to look at Kiso, Michael Maclusky steals his wallet. Oliverry is drawn out of the pot at this point, and Tom snaps out of it. "What? What?"

Alex slides into the seat next to Kiso and hands him a Taser. "Tase the lady, will you?" This turns out to be unnecessary, as she gets up managing her wound and storms out of the building. This sparks celeb rations among Kiso and Alex.

Denfield hastily re-scribbles the group draw down as the draw winds to a close. "I believe I'm doing an interview on television later, with that naked reporter," he explains. "...what's her name? Keeley...Kooly...Kelly! Yes! Kelly Firth!"

Berkton: "And that concludes the draw for the finals of World Cup 38." Speaking the minds of everyone again, Maclusky delivers another one-liner. "Took bloody long enough." Kiso looks at the bucket of molasses he just poured onto Bazalonian coach Andrew Coulter. "Oops, I thought the old hag was coming back."

Berkton and Angufams wrapped everything up by repeating the draw, and Alex Lewis-Edwards grimaced as Group E was announced. Errinundera, Milchama, and the Holy Empire. After facing the monks in qualifying, he was not looking forward to facing the Holy Empire. At least the draw meant that Evans would likely lose his job after finishing with three losses from three - and that would mean he'd be in charge by this time next cup.

He went back to his hotel room and took a shower. As he stepped out of the shower, he thought about the draw again. Maybe we could sneak in... Just then, he received a knock on his door. "Kura-Pelland police. Open up."

Az-cz

07-12-2007, 20:39

Az-cz Scroll
Az-cz
Il-Lur

Predictions, predictions, predictions

Well it's time to look back and then look forward. First let's look at my qualification picks.

Group 5: Home of the champions

I called us, Qazox and Endmile advancing and got two out of three right. Turori was just good enough to hold off Endmile, so it's not that big of a miss. Pretty good job here.

Group 4: So close

Once again two out of three, calling Demot and Oliverry correctly. Northern Bettia was a bit of a suprise as was Sorthern Northland. Bonus points for correctly identifying this one as the group of death.

Group 2: Rediscovery Channel?

Ariddia was obvious, and I got JSY correct here as well. But it was Ulzaxid's stunning performance and Starblaydia's disappointing one that turned this group upside down.

Group 1: Friends & Rivals

The top three, our friendly nations, and my predicted teams went basically wire to wire. Nothing to see here.

Group 8: Group of broken legs

Bettia and Squornshelous both made it from a very tight group. Adihan was much better than I gave them credit for and left the monks on the outside again.

Group 6: The top teams need to go down group

Three for three here. Not our favorite nations but good footballing countries.

Group 3: Who knows?

So close to sweeping this group as well. Sel Appa dominated and Tynelia was ok, but it was Geisenfried doing just enough for the third spot, not Daehanjeiguk.

Group 7: The periphery

Three for three. Basically nothing of note here.

Group 9: Easy Es and the hosts

Tada. Called Errinundera's domination and Cafundeu and Novapsolu as well. Good on me.

Group 10: Last and least

Close again. Called the top two and got the wrong team of the two I was wavering between.

All in all a good but not great predicting run. Mostly I just got the teams who were pretty safe bets, but that's ok.

Now on to the predictions going forward.

We'll start out in group A, where we are located. Joining us are Wentland, Northern Bettia and Ulzaxid. This is what we'd call non-ideal. We all know what happened Northern Bettia and Az-cz met to open up a cup. Ulzaxid is improving and has the physical skills to be dangerous. And we all know the kind of team Wentland is. And all of them play in a physical manner that could give us trouble. Not the group of death, but not the best we could've hoped for. Unfortunately I think the Gogs will top the group and we'll slip through behind them.

Which is not going to be fun as Ariddia is waiting in group B. And with Novapsolu, Qazox and Cafundeu their opponents they will win group B. I think Cafundeu goes through as well.

Group C is Zwangzug, Geisenfried, Bazalonia and Tynelia. Geisenfried is probably the worst team in this cup which means it's a three team race. And in that case I'll go with the more experienced squads of Zwangzug and Bazalonia.

Group D sees host Vephrall joined by Sel Appa, Jeruselem and Bostopia. I think the Turtles will definitely win this group, and the Jeruselem-Bostopia match being for the second spot. I'll take the princesses to get back to the knockouts.

Group E is my choice for group of death. Errinundera had a brilliant qualifying campaign and is the clear favorite. Milchama and Alasdair I Frosticus are both quite good sides and even Adihan showed a lot more spunk and life than I expected. I do expect tha Errinundera and Milchama will live up to their forms and be the two to advance but it will be tough.

Group F is one of the weaker groups. Commerce Heights is a very good team, but their other half of JSY is only so so. Yafor II is the new Northern Caesarea. Oliverry therefore ought to qualify relatively easy from this group, following behind the Slanis.

Group G

Demot and Squornshelous are both big names who should advance, but in the eyes of many Candelaria And Marquez are the darlings of this cup. I agree in believing that them pulling some upsets and making some moves could occur. And Turori is dead. The other three will smoke them.

Group H

Lastly we come to the least balanced group. Elves Security Forces and Bettia are both powerhouse squads. Kura Pelland and Quakmybush not so. And nothing we'll see here will change that.

So here are the matchups we expect to see in the second round:

Northern Bettia v Cafundeu
Zwangzug v Jeruselem
Ariddia v Az-cz
Sel Appa v Bazalonia
Errinundera v Oliverry
Demot v Bettia
Commerce Heights v Milchama
Elves Security Forces v Squornshelous

Northern Bettia will continue a fine run to take down Cafundeu and move to a rekindling of WC33 passions as Zwangzug also will make the quarters. Are streak of consecutive quarterfinals will come to an end in a match between #1 and #2. And Bazalonia will make the quarters over the Turtles. Errinundera will be too much for the French and Bettia will elminate the other finalist from last time around and leave Zwangzug as the only WC37 semifanlist to make the quarters in WC38. Commerce Heights will eliminate my first pick to win it all Milchama and the Elves will be too much for Squornshelous.

Then the quarterfinals would produce the following matchups:

Northern Bettia v Zwangzug
Ariddia v Bazalonia
Errinundera v Bettia
Commerce Heights v Elves Security Forces

Northern Bettia will reaffirm their status against Zwangzug. Bazalonia will get some revenge against Ariddia. Bettia will thrash Errinundera and Commerce Heights will outscore the elves.

The semis will feature:

Northern Bettia v Bazalonia
Bettia v Commerce Heights

Northern Bettia will harass Bazalonia into disappointment and Bettia will win the wild shootout on the other half.

Third Place Playoff:

Bazalonia would be much more pleased to be here than Commerce Heights and would put out the corresponding effort to take third.

Finals:

Bettia vs Northern Bettia. There's no question that the master should beat the puppet. Will it happen we can't say for certain, but I'd put my money on the Aroras to earn their third title once again moving even with Ariddia.

Kura-Pelland

08-12-2007, 00:15

group stage MD1 cutoff

Cafundeu

08-12-2007, 02:23

OLHO NO LANCE! YOUR SPORTS MAGAZINE!
$PECIAL $ECTION

WORLD CUP 38 QUALIFIERS COVERAGE - WITH GLOBO MULTIMEDIA
Written by Sílvio Ruiz, with comments from TV made by Breno Gavião

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O PRIMEIRO PASSO RUMO AO SONHO DE UMA NAÇÃO

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Cafundéu advances with the ball

After a good qualifying campaign, Cafundéu started its World Cup 38 mission. The National Team travelled to Vephrall, and the first game was in a very nice city, Pallona. A city with many lights, cassinos, a great nightlife. A place to win or lose money, depending on your luck. But the players didn’t have time to spend their money (which isn’t few). A game was awaiting them. Qazox. A popular country in Cafundéu, one of the first that entered in contact with the Empire. And the Monopolists won the game. Now, they can enjoy the city before the next game.

Changes and Absences: first game of the WC.
Formation: offensive 4-4-2.
Opponent: now Cafundéu will only face strong teams, starting with old friends Qazox.

THE FIRST HALF: as the team was able to win many games in the qualification stage, the coach Franz Braddock decided to mantain the players, and the strategy. Offensive as ever, Cafundéu started the game with fast plays, but had some difficulties to invade the Qazox area, well guarded by the defenders. Heitor tried a long ranged shot, but the goalkeeper Serra made a good save. Qazox replied with few counterattacks, and Cafundéu seemed better in the game. But that was an illusion. Qazox was just waiting for the moment to really attack. And it was deadly. Brauer found Ty Reed in a good position inside the area and passed the ball. The pass was very good, and Ty had to just avoid Carlão and shoot to score.

This wasn’t a good moment for Cafundéu in the game. The Monopolists, after a good start, pressing the opponents, lost the control of the midfield and Qazox was attacking well. A good pass made by Yuzuki Reed found Fry alone inside the area, but his shot was horrible, sending the ball over the bar. He nearly cried after realizing that he lost such an easy goal. This play gave some motivation to Cafundéu to react, and Anormal nearly scored from a long ranged shot. The ball hit the bar. The first half was close to its ending, and Cafundéu was losing the game. But, in an attack, Gambino fouled Neto near the area. The midfielder took the free kick with perfection, scoring the goal that gave some hope to the Cafundelense fans.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 1 (Reed’s goal): “And Qazox takes the ball now, prrrrreparrrrring for another counterrrrrattack. Rrrrrato faces, Brrrrauer, but the Qazoxian avoids the tackle. Now... an excellent pass to Ty Rrrrrreed, a good chance to scorrrrre. He shoots... and it’s a goal! Goal for Qazox! Ty Rrrrreed! Qazox one, Cafundéu zerrrrro! An excellent pass frrrrrom Brrrrrauer! After the game, don’t forrrrrget to eat a hamburrrrrger at SeuRrrrrronald’s! Delicious hamburrrrrgerrrrrrs for those who don’t have time to go to a rrrrrestaurrrrrant or just like junk food!”

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This time, Qazox advances with the ball

THE SECOND HALF: the draw in the first half was worrying both coaches, who wanted the win to have a good start in the World Cup. But all the supporters knew that a draw wasn’t a bad result at all. The coaches decided to mantain the same players to see what they could do in the decisive half. And the team that returned better was Cafundéu. In the first play, Rato passed the ball to Neto, who shot and obligated Serra to make a wonderful save. Qazox continued strong, as Fry was close to score again, invading the area and shooting... very wide. Another incredible goal missed by Fry.

This time, the Monopolists were more cautious, and more effective in searching the path to the goal too. Léo Mattos started a play in the right wing and passed the ball to Anormal. The ball went to Neto, who shot. Torres blocked his shot, Heitor got the rebound, dribbled Torres and shot. This time, he scored the goal. The goal was all that Cafundéu needed to recover the confidence and motivation, while for Qazox it had the opposite effect. The team that was able to dominate most of the first half and was playing very well couldn’t react after suffering the second goal. They had few attacks that didn’t scare the goalkeeper Lauro, while Cafundéu attacked well to try to score. The goal came in the end of the game. Léo Mattos crossed the ball and... Gambino headed it to his own goal.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 2 (Heitor’s goal): “Herrrrre comes Anorrrrrmal with the ball in the midfield... a nice pass to Neto near the arrrrrea, therrrrre is space for a shot, shoots... a defender blocks it! Heitor gets the rrrrrebound, makes a drrrrribble, shoots... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! See the goal with me, in the rrrrreplay! Heitor, number eleven! Cafundéu one, Qazox one! Want a new house, in one of the most securrrrre places of Cafundó do Juta? Good neighbourrrrrs, space for leisure, and... securrrrrity? If you want securrrrrity beforrrrre anything, come live in Rrrrresidencial Estação Policial!”

CURIOUS MOMENTS: outside the stadium, before the game, we were able to see a huge bonfire made by the Qazoxian fans. Near that, a huge cardboard. It was written there: “All the fans from Qazox! Please deposit your rubber chickens here, to offer as many sacrifices as we can to Margaret! Qazox to victory!” And, during the game, Anormal shot the ball. The ball went wide and left the playing field, but hit the dog of one of the security guards. The dog replied biting the ball.

JORGE LANG - INTERVIEWS: a good start for the Monopolists in the World Cup! Defeating the opponent team that could take the qualification from us! I talked with the coach Franz Braddock, who told me: “The necessary start. We needed the three points in the first game, because our objective is the qualification for the next stage, first of all. And the win is the first step towards our goal. Qazox is a good team, I found their style of play interesting, but my abilities proved useful too. Now we have to continue winning... we have to defeat Novapsolu again.”

The players were very happy with the positive result too. The first one to talk was the midfielder Neto, who said: “This game was very important, and I’m glad to be able to help the team. We suffered a goal in the first half, and things seemed pretty bad at that moment, so my goal helped the team a lot.” The defender Eduardo Monte said: “Three points for a start. After Novapsolu, we hope to increase this number to six and guarantee the qualification. Our team is very strong and is showing this game after game.”

BEST PLAYERS OF THE GAME (Ruiz’s opinion): this game was very close, and players from both teams need to be mentioned here. In Qazox’s side, the goalkeeper Serra played really well, and so did the midfielder Brauer, who made a great pass in the Qazox goal. Ty Reed did a good job too. Fry was in a bad day, probably one of the worst performances of the day, losing many good chances. For Cafundéu, Léo Mattos showed that he is the best defender of Cafundéu. Anormal, as ever, helped the team a lot. Heitor scored the goal and commanded the team in many plays. But Neto was really the best in the game, scoring, attacking, passing well... excellent game.

BRENO GAVIÃO’S MOMENT 3 (the own goal): “Difficult game for the Monopolists, everrrrrything can happen. Cafundéu is winning, but Qazox can scorrrrre. So, Léo Mattos takes the ball to trrrrry to decide the game. Good rrrrrrun in the wing, rrrrreaches the attack. Goes for the crrrrrossing... the defender.... he scorrrrred... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Rrrrrreplay this! An own goal! Yes, you hearrrrrd me, an own goal! Gambino! Cafundéu thrrrrree, Qazox one! Which is a better place to buy musical instrrrrruments than in Carloshop? No one! In Carrrrrloshop you find the finest instrrrrruments, and you can have some lessons frrrrrom the Carrrrrloshop teachers! Visit Carrrrrloshop now!”

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Supporters from Cafundéu in Pallona

CAFUNDÉU 3x1 QAZOX

Place: Palloner Ellime, in Pallona (Vephrall).
Attendance: 44,300 people.
Referee: Jeremiah Kalitichenko (Sel Appa).
MOTM: Neto (Cafundéu).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Lauro; Léo Mattos, Toninho, Eduardo Monte and Carlão; Anormal, Vergara (Del Valle 61’), Rato and Neto; Heitor and Flecha (Éverton 80’).
Coach: Franz Braddock.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/qazox.png QAZOX: Serra; Gambino, Williams, Revee (Cork 71’) and Torres; Brauer, T.Reed and Y.Reed (Lindgren 66’); Tripp (Helms 66’), Fry and Griffey.
Coach: that one sitting on the bench.

Goals:CAF: Neto 45’ , Heitor 62’ , Gambino (own goal) 87’.
QAZ: Ty Reed 26’.

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Cafundéu – formation for game against Novapsolu: Lauro; Léo Mattos, Toninho, Eduardo Monte and Carlão; Anormal, Vergara, Rato and Neto; Heitor and Flecha.
Coach: Franz Braddock.
Style of +3

Match’s Referee: Sharon Rekke (Jeruselem).

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WC goalscorers:

1- Heitor and Neto
1 own goal

Squornshelous

08-12-2007, 04:28

No Favorite is Safe

After twice finishing one goal up on Qualifying Group 8 favorites Bettia, Squornshelous have done the same to open their group stage against international sixth seed, Demot. This was a bit of a revenge match for Pschycho fans, as the Dynamo upset the Pschychoes in the quarterfinals of World Cup XXXIII by a score of 1-0. That match, which marked Demot's ascent into the elite of international football, marked the beginning of a slight recession in the level of Squornshelan football. The memory of the World Cup XXXI championship became a little more distant, and Squornshelous has only made one quarterfinal since that match, while Demot have come tantalizingly close to hoisting the trophy themselves.

Ask a Squornshelan, and you'll hear a story about one of football's true powers reasserting itself over a group of upstarts who overachieved their way to their current place in the sun. While that assessment is hardly fair, it gives insight into the jealous attitude that Squornshelans have toward all who would threaten their excellence in football.

This match was a closely fought one, not in the sense of physical play, but in that both sides had an abundance of chances and the losing side never seemed out of competition until the bitter end. Squornshelous started Joonas Kolkka and Jzeovak Tkermec at attacking midfield, and Erkki Aatunen and Johannes Axelsson at striker. Caj Ilmari was, of course, in his usual central position. Most of the scoring was a display of Cafundeuan club talent. Cruril Songsteel, a recent transfer to Duboor FC, notched the first goal, beating Taaveti Oivanen at the corner of the box to buy himself enough space for a good shot across the goal. Paavalainen dove, but to no avail. The next goal went to none other than Caj Ilmari, the Squornshelan captain and Cafundó do Juta standout. Ilmari played a ball on the run to Axelsson at the edge of the ball and got it back on the quick one-two play in the clear. As Alexander Orien rushed out to cut off the angles, Ilmari coolly chipped the ball over his head and into the net before jogging off to the corner flag.

Squornshelous' second and third goals came in quick succession not long after halftime. Viggo Haakana, who plays his club ball at Atlético Insular, also in Cafundeu, scored when, as he brought the ball forward, he was given too much space by the Demotian defense, who were concerned with marking the numerous other Squornshelan attackers. He fired from long range and caught Orien leaning the wrong way for 2-1. Martti Uolevi, who came in for Aatunen at halftime scored the third goal on an unusual set-piece opportunity. Ilmari's free kick from about 25 meters rebounded down and out off the crossbar. Uolevi happened to be in the right place at the right time for an easy tap-in. After about a quarter hour had passed without any real scoring chances for either side, the Pschychoes began to coast just a little bit. Viggo Haakana, who is not the strongest defender in our midfield was taken out and replaced by Fyodor Petrovich, who moved in as a center back, while Rassmus Pahlsson moved back as a sweeper and Tomas Vendelin slid over as a lone defensive midfielder.

Demot struck once more, however, as a quick switch from one side of the pitch to another opened up a lane down the wing for Lea Connor, who sent an inch-perfect cross to Rahall Lewis. Lewis met the ball perfectly with his forehead, sending the ball down to bounce just under Paavalainen's arm before bounding into the net.

Jan Jorgenson made his third substitution, sending in Vassili Marivych, who is a good player in both offensive and defensive situations, for striker Johannes Axelsson, moving to a 4-2-2-1 formation and a much more defensive scheme. This proved to be the perfect idea, as Vendelin and Marivych made a few key tackles and interceptions to prevent Demot from having any more chances up the middle. Limited to shots from poor angles and long ranges, the Dynamo were unable to really threaten Paavalainen again, and the Pschychoes escaped with the full 3 points.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 3-2 Demot

Squornshelous' Scorers:
scorer: total (finals)
Ilmari: 12 (1)
Uolevi: 6 (1)
Aatunen: 5
Prpic: 4
Markkunen: 3
Tkermec: 3
Axelsson: 2
Kolkka: 2
Demkjo: 1
Haakana: 1 (1)
Volodov: 1

Qazox

08-12-2007, 04:49

JAN 9, 1934 (Pallona, Vephrall)

Those **** Monopolists! I know they paid off Az-cz to give them the technonology to block our transceivers for the Bionics. Ty Reed managed to get us on board 1st, thanks to his nanotech, which wasn't affected by the blocking tech. But the rest of the team, who haven't fully bonded yet with the Bionics, played like crap.

Gambino, Revee, and Fry all were carded as the Bionics malfunctioned during tackles. And after goals by Neto in the 45th and by Heitor in the 62nd, Gambino managed to accidently knock in a goal in the 87th that ended any chance for us to win.

Now we have to face Ariddia next. I need the complete merging of the Nanoprobes and the Bionics or else we'll be going home early again, and this time it may be too late.

SCORING SUMMARY:
Qazox: Ty Reed- 26'
Cafundeu: Neto- 45’
Cafundeu: Heitor 62’
Cafundeu: Own Goal (Gambino) 87’

Jeruselem

08-12-2007, 06:40

The whistle blew as Bostopia lead 2-1 against Jeruselem. Kate Dallas at scoreboard again, yes it was still 2-1 against them and she just fainted. A disappointed Jeruselem was still wondering what happened when Kara Kool noticed Kate Dallas was flat on back not moving. The celebrating Bostopians weren't one to gloat too much tried get Kate up again but she was out cold. Even rubbing her sensitive breasts didn't wake her up. The medics ran out to collect Kate Dallas as worried players looked on.

Hose Tunk took over as Captain to congratuate Bostopia especially the effort of Peter Jeffers (Hifkie's husband). Hikfie Dallas was crying - both tears of joy and disappointment. Her husband had helped sink Jeruselem but at the same time, she was happy for him.

Kara Kool did a Kate Dallas, muttering something in Jewish, and just sulked.

Later when Kate Dallas had woken up, the team visited her and apologised. The team got a quite a blast from the Captain, demanding 200% and big win against Veprall and also a win against Sel Appa. She wanted nothing less. Secretly, she wanted the Bostopians to beat Sel Appa in their next game as well as their last game to ensure Jeruselem got a good chance to progress.

Hikfie Dallas apologised to the team as well, as she married the man who stopped Jeruselem from scoring. Kate Dallas said she had nothing to apologise about as he was doing his job.

Later that night, Kate rang her Mum (Dazza). She need some advice from her mother once in while. They spoke for hours, and then Kate went to sleep hoping for a sunnier next day. There would be slacking tomorrow, the team need two wins and hoped Bostopia beat Sel Appa as well.

Later Kate Dallas put out a press release "I'm alright, I just fainted. It didn't hurt, what hurt is we should have got at least draw out this game and got nothing. The plan is simple, we must be Veprall by a large margin and then not lose against Sel Appa. OK, a win agains the Turtles acually. It'd be really helpful if Sel Appa drop points against Bostopia too."

Hikfie Dallas came back late from seeing Peter Jeffers. She was happy for his performance but unfortunately, it was Jeruselem who suffered the consequences.

Overall, Bostopia got three points they needed and some of team got their hands on the Princess.

Wentland

08-12-2007, 12:19

Anne Foy was bouncing up and down along the touchline. "She's not right, she's not right...oh noes! We're going to have to take her off...|

Norman Hacker's head was in his hands. Opening World Cup game and the girls had frozen. Two down in twenty minutes against the group rabbits. It wasn't meant to be like this. The return of Kita Oliver was meant to spur the Blue Tits on to greater things. But instead it seemed to have had the opposite effect. Oliver had put on a bunch of weight and the rest of the team kept concentrating on her mental health. And the warped appearance of the Ulzaxid team had had a psychological effect. The second goal came when Kirsten Cassidy was glancing over to the bench, giving a thumbs up to her following a punched clearance, only for Bolúfero to loop a shot straight back from the edge of the area and into the net.

They had fought their way back. A rash tackle by Pizelkaxrovsky on Kaz Flack meant a penalty and Rach Horne kept her composure by blasting it straight down the middle - Rough Beast jerked out a pseudopod of blennic substance but the ball went straight through. And Ulzaxid's ultra-attacking style caught them out when a mass break saw Dougall overlap and guide a Saunders cross home at the far post.

But Dougall was injured in scoring, so was replaced by Cadman. And then Kumble pulled a muscle, so was replaced by Summers. And then Matsushita was knocked out in a collision with the post. She was revived by Foy but still discombobulated and nearly scored an own goal with a 30 yard backpass-cum-shot.

Hacker groaned. He had two midfielders left on the bench. Davies, who was suspended following an accumulation of yellow cards, and Oliver. Who was still not physically fit. Should he change tactics?

With a groan he passed a piece of paper to the fourth official. "99-20". This was it. Oliver was coming on.

She received a sympathetic round of applause from the neutrals in attendance, but it was clear that she was not ready for the match. She had somewhat wider midriff than previous, thanks to all those Cafundeu puddings, and was woefully slow. "Let's just get a point, PLEASE..." pleaded Hacker.

I suppose two-all from being two-down isn't bad, he mused. But if we are to get through we need to beat this team. It won't be easy against the others. We're ruining a great chance.

88th minute and Summers was full of energy going down the right wing. She got to the by-line and tried to put in a cross; it was deflected straight back to her. She stepped inside, and drove it in. No luck, Pizelkaxrovsky booted it clear.

Straight at Kita Oliver, who was making a late late late late run as fast as she could.

The ball ricocheted off her ample stomach with an almost trampoline-like rebound and looped disbelievingly into the net.

"It's THERE!!! WE'VE DONE IT!!!!!" The Blue Tits piled on top of Oliver, who needed a hand to get back up and wobbled semi-certainly back to the centre-circle. Ulzaxid threw even more morphs forward for the last minute plus injury time but a Hacker side knew how to defend and it was all to no avail.

The whistle went and Oliver needed helping from the pitch. Hacker was relieved but concerned. He had to get Kita Oliver fit somehow, and he was just the man for the job.

Ariddia

08-12-2007, 14:48

Ariddia squeaks in a win

It was not the best of starts to the World Cup final stages for the Rouge-et-Noirs, despite foreign analysts predicting they would cruise through the group competition. Hampered by the absence of “Flying Mountain” goalkeeper Jarl Knudsen, who had sustained a knee injury, the Ariddians were perhaps a little more vulnerable than usual.

In itself, that might not have been a problem. But then coach Jane Sanderson made what turned out to be the first major error of her career. When team captain and leading defender Jeremy Isaacs was sent off in the eighth minute for a dangerous tackle on Brad Simondi, Sanderson chose not to pull out one of the midfielders to send in a fresh defender, and left only E’it and Tonnelier in defence. Given Novapsolu’s tactics, the two women were going to be subjected to a tense and exhausting game, holding together a defence which now had a large hole in it.

Inevitably, Novapsolu scored the opening goal, through Finn Williams. Wisening up a few minutes late, the Ariddian coach pulled out midfielder Es Chichirua, and sent Yves Levent to shore up the Ariddian backlines.

In the twenty-eighth minute, Novapsolu’s Brent Brennan took a shot at Laurent Malin’s goalcage, which hit the top bar, rebounding. Malin straightened himself just as Novapsolu’s Rory Lundford found the ball with his head, sending it towards the Ariddian goalie’s goalcage once more. Malin only just had time to deflect it with his arm. The ball hit Ariddian defender Yves Levent in the hip and was diverted back into the goalcage – a rather unfortunate own goal.

It had been a very long time indeed since the Rouge-et-Noirs had found themselves trailing by nil goal to two, and they responded predictably: by seeking to hammer their opponents. The Novapsolu side were forced into defensive playing –not their strongest suit– and by half-time Yuto Takahara had scored twice to achieve a temporary draw.

“Now the match can start,” attacker Abdel Mohamed said during the half-time break. “Enough nonsense.”

Marek Petras scored in the fifty-first minute, then Jean-Charles Thomas in the seventy-seventh, and Ariddian supporters were finally able to breathe with relief. A late goal by Finn Williams made no difference: the Rouge-et-Noirs had edged their way to a narrow victory.

“We’ve got our three points, but now we need to build up our goal differential,” Jeremy Isaacs said. “We’re a long way from being safely through.”

Fans can perhaps draw some comfort from the fact that the Ariddian attack has never looked so good as in this Cup. They will be hoping to pose an insolvable conundrum to future opponents.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/the_ariddian_isles.png Ariddian Isles 4-3 Novapsolu http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/novapsolu.png

Northern Bettia

08-12-2007, 15:32

OOC: Disclaimer - Please note that being Northern Bettian, this news report is written from a highly biased point of view, and therefore not all facts stated may strictly be accurate. Any offence caused is strictly IC!

The Anyuna Observer: i can has thwee points?
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y231/bettia/nbet-badge.gif
Fire Ants Fire Up Opener

Az-cz.............................................3 (Kenyon 6 pen 79 pen, El-iot 88)
Northern Bettia.......................4 (Shinobu 14, Sonata 45+2 61 pen, Agadugo 90)

After years of rattling around on the sidelines, the Fire Ants have put themselves firmly in the world spotlight with what can only be described as their finest performance ever as they dispatched the reigning champions in this, the opening game of the World Cup finals.

After being forced to sit through an hour or two of the colourful and spectualar opening ceremony, the small contingient of Northern Bettian fans who were actually allowed into the stadium were feeling decidedly restless as they anxiously awaited the arrival of their teams onto the pitch. However, their anxiety wasn't helped by heavy handed police who unfairly targetted them following earlier disturbances in the streets outside the stadium (in which the Northern Bettians were the totally innocent victims of persecution, as always). Typically, international TV directors chose to focus on the minor trouble in the stands rather than the flambouyant celebration of football and international togetherness, probably in an effort to further perpetuate the notion of Northern Bettia being a nation of hoodlums and thugs.

Finally, the teams entered the field of play, and the fans and viewing public were treated to a typically stirring rendition of 'Brothers of Bettia'. After their passions were roused, the players were more than ready. Iwan Obani had a full-strength squad to pick from, with no suspensions or injuries to worry about. However, things didn't get off to the best of starts.

Inspired by the Bettian coach, the Gnomes of Az-cz showed just why they are the champions of the world as they swept into a whirlwind thanks to a dubious refereeing decision. As Seoula Vitakiralski sprinted into the box following a long ball from midfield, he was dispossed by a superb tackle from Ryan Kemys, only for the match referee to pull one of many blunders. Pointing to the spot, he pulled Kemys aside and booked him for what he later deemed was a dangerous tackle from behind. TV replays showed that Kemys appeared to stick his studs into the back of Vitakiralski's legs, although the pictures were probably doctored to make the Fire Ants look bad. McClaren Kenyon made no mistake from the penalty spot, blasting the ball high into the top corner past Pete Waters.

Undetered by this refereeing clanger, the Fire Ants pulled their socks up and battled their way back into the game, putting in plenty of hard but fair challenges to deny the Az-czids time to settle into their usual fluency. Their gargantuan efforts were rewarded after 14 minutes when Dan Shinobu rose up to meet Yamada's cross, putting in a thumping downward header which left the keeper no chance.

The first hald saw a number of chances at either end as both sides battled gamely, providing the viewing public with a match that would befit any opening ceremony. El-iot rattled the woodwork with a fine effort from 25 yards, whilst Shinobu saw his goalbound effort controversially cleared after clearly crossing the goal line. Despite vehement protests from the wronged Northern Bettian players, the referee continued his bias towards the more illustrious side by waving away their protests.

However, the Fire Ants weren't to be undone by this travesty and they deservedly went ahead deep into injury time when the gorgeous Naru Sonata skillfully rounded a pair of defenders before slotting the ball home under Haz-Tp. With the scoreline standing at 2-1, the Northern Bettians went into their changing room a happy team, and their confidence was evident for all to see as they proceeded to dominate the early stages of the second half. Stu Kaolla saw his free kick deflected past the post, whilst Dan Shinobu was crudely scythed down in the penalty area only to be booked for diving.

As always, Northern Bettia refused to be bowed by this undue pressure and they went ahead after the referee actually did something right. After a ball into the penalty area seemed to miss its intended target, Shinobu challenged for the ball with Ca-Fu, who did everything he could to shield the ball. All of a sudden however, Shinobu went down clutching his face claiming that Ca-Fu had elbowed him. After unduly long deliberations with his linesman, the referee gave the penalty although curiously decided not to show any kind of card to the guilty party, much to the chagrin of the Northern Bettian players. Still, the referee had given the penalty, and so Naru Sonata stepped up to claim her brace.

Two goals down and staring defeat in the face, the Az-czid players resorted to their earlier practice of diving at every opportune moment in an effort to con the official's into swinging the game in their favour. For the most part it worked as a succession of bookings followed, resulting in Blake Sitara receiving his marching orders after picking up a pair of yellow cards. Things soon got worse as Az-cz made their extra man advantage pay off, gaining a dubious penalty when the referee decided that Pete Waters had taken Kenyon out as he burst through clear on goal. To the his team-mates astonishment and dismay, Northern Bettia's goalkeeper was sent off for what the referee laughingly called a 'professional foul'. McClaren Kenyon picked himself up and put the spot kick past substitute goalkeeper Chris Monlu to peg the score back to 3-2.

Understandably things got very tough for the heroic Fire Ants as Az-cz made hay while the sun shined. They poured forward, making the most of the two extra men and they appeared to have stolen a point when El-iot equalised for them on the stroke of full time. However, fortune favours the brave, and Northern Bettia were not to be denied. As the game moved into stoppage time, central midfielder Glyn Agadugo found himself in possession and, with the clock running low, chose to shoot from 40 yards out. It was a rather tame shot and Az-cz's goalkeeper Haz-Tp appeared to have it covered but, as he moved across to claim it, he suddenly collapsed and started vomiting profusely in the goal area as the ball trickled in. Thankfully, Haz-Tp quickly recovered only to see the referee blowing the final whistle, sparking wild celebrations in the Northern Bettian camp.

Accusations that Haz-Tp's vomiting fit was in some way linked to Northern Bettia's assistant manager and part-time voodoo witch doctor Baron Vendredi were laughed off as "sheer sour grapes" by team manager Iwan Obani, despite TV footage appearing to show the Baron entering some sort of trance-like state as Agadugo took his famous shot. "These pathetic efforts to belittle our acheivement here today ill not work - we won because we were by far the best team on the park, if no in the world today. The World Cup is ours for the taking and any team that dares to stand in our way will be sorry... ahem, I mean, will be beaten fairly with no cheating whatsoever."

Fixtures / Results

MD..OPPONENT...............VENUE......RESULT

First Round, Group A

01: Az-cz..................Speilers...W 4-3
02: Wentland...............Tuffir.....
03: Ulzaxid................Gloem......

Qualifying Group 4

01: Bergelland.............Away.......W 3-1
02: Oliverry...............HOME.......W 3-2
03: The Pazhujeb Islands...HOME.......W 3-1
04: Sorthern Northland.....HOME.......L 2-3
05: Demot..................Away.......L 0-3
06: St Samuel..............Away.......W 2-1
07: Bumiroar...............Away.......W 4-1
08: Bergelland.............HOME.......W 2-0
09: Oliverry...............Away.......D 3-3
10: The Pazhujeb Islands...Away.......W 3-2
11: Sorthern Northland.....Away.......W 6-1
12: Demot..................HOME.......L 0-5
13: St Samuel..............HOME.......D 4-4
14: Bumiroar...............HOME.......W 4-1

Tynelia

08-12-2007, 15:39

“AGENT WHITE! WHAT DID YOU DO!?!” Agent Jones’ voice boomed over the telephone nearly casing White to drop it.

“It wasn’t my fault sir. Coach decided to take the team to a restaurant for dinner instead of the usual team meal in the hotel. I couldn’t get the vial into a restaurant kitchen without blowing my cover.” White defended herself.

“Don’t you understand Agent White? Because of your failure the team actually beat Bazalonia, now we’re probably only one win away from getting to the knockouts again. That can’t happen!”

“I can try again before the Geisenfried match sir…” White ventured.

“No this time spike the Hippo-aid before it gets brought onto the field. At least that way no last minute changes of plan will ruin anything and we can get the loss in.”

“But sir we’re really looking to get some revenge on Geisenfreid after they shut us out last time.” White argued.

“We? The only ‘we’ you have to worry about is here, not that team. They’ve done well enough to keep interest up so losing now won’t damage anything nationally. We’re known in the past to do well in our first match then not win another so losing won’t be very suspicious. Do your job Agent White. Agent Smith was most displeased when he saw the final score today. I trust he’ll not be disappointed again?”

“No sir.”

“Good then do your job and I expect to hear about a stunning loss the next time we talk.”

“Yes sir.”

<Elsewhere>

Tynelian Coach’s House Robbed!

Police were called to Tynelian World Cup soccer coach Lee Andrews’ home at 11:23PM last night by his wife Cecilia, who arrived home from visiting relatives with the couple’s child, to find the house in total disarray. Papers were thrown all across the rooms of the house and several book cases were overturned. According to Mrs. Andrews the only thing that seems to be missing was the family computer which is said Coach Andrews keeps a copy of his playbook.

Fortunately for the family, Mrs. Andrews jewelry was not discovered or taken from the premises. A ceramic hollow hippo, given to the family when Coach Andrews won the job, was broken by the burglars in their search. More on this as it develops.

New Manhattan

08-12-2007, 17:11

“And, welcome back to PariMedia’s coverage of the thirty-eighth football World Cup. Let’s go down to the pitch now, where we will soon hear the unofficial anthem of the Unified Capitalizt States, The Star-Spangled Banner…”

A somewhat poor Kura-Pellandi singer picked up a microphone, and gave her rendition of the famous song of the siege of Natestadt by Tingitanan anarchists (rumor has it it was plagiarized from an earlier work, but no historical records of that work have been found)—

Oh, say can you see by the dawn’s early light
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight’s last gleaming?
Whose proud can’n and bright stars through the perilous fight,
O’er the towers we watched were so gallantly streaming?
And the rockets’ red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.
Oh, say does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

“And now, let’s listen to the World Cup 38 anthem…”

The WC38 theme played over the stadium’s speakers. The commentators then went over the starting lineups announced by the teams.

“And we’re underway here in Fairynuff, for the tenth edition of the Capitalizt derby, pitting the nation’s finest athletes, wearing the red of Jasīʼyūn, against the nation’s finest technology, wearing the black and steel blue of Capitalizt SLANI…”

Eleventh minute

“…if Capitalizt SLANI can win this game, it looks like they should have an easy route to the knockout stages, considering the Yaforites’ poor form in this competition…Bolúfero down the wing, with the cross over to Agiaro, Agiaro lets it rip! And it’s innnnnnnn! SLANI one, Jasīʼyūn nil! Agiaro with a brilliant finish from twenty meters out! It looks like Benjamin Owen might have got a hand on it, but he didn’t stand a chance of making the save…no, from this replay, it looks like it went in clean. In any case, it’s still a goal. A nightmare start for Jasīʼyūn, who desparately needed to keep a clean sheet here…”

When the replay was shown, it could be seen that a clock in the background read 10:09.3 at the time that the ball crossed the goal line.

Thirty-eighth minute

“Elliott powers the ball into the penalty area, Davies tries to clear, it bounces off Gwon Gyu-hye…the SLANI supporters shout for a penalty kick for handball, but the referee is having none of it. Tokay gets control of the ball now, puts the ball up into the six-yard box, and…GOAL! Skalkṓtas with the header! Unmarked in front of the goal! Excellent ball by Tokay to set it up! And now the Jasīʼyūn players are crowding the referee, I think they want an offside call. It looked like Skalkṓtas stayed just onside…and the referee produces the yellow card for Vicki Landry…and Alexander Wätjen as well, for dissent.”

Forty-fourth minute
“Kuban-Schnellfrieder restarts with the goal kick…it gets a bit too much air under it, Bolúfero races to catch up with it…the goalkeeper’s out of position! Bolúfero with plenty of space! He powers it in! And he’s ripped the back of the net! He’s put a hole in it! When they call that World Cup 32 squad the ‘golden era,’ I guess they really mean it! And it’s three–nil to the SLANI. That’s the result last time these teams met in World Cup play back in the UCS…”

Halftime
“And it’s now halftime in Fairynuff, with the score Capitalizt SLANI three, Jasīʼyūn nil…and it looks like we’re having some technical difficulties with our video feed, but anyway, let’s take a look at our first-half statistics (http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/worldcup/graphics/matchsummary/wc38/com/jsy/), which echo what we saw on the pitch—total dominance by the Capitalizts. Let’s pause ten point nine three seconds for server identification here on PariMedia.”

First minute of injury time (second half)
“Wätjen passes back to the keeper, trying to take some time off this clock, oh! And Owen’s missed it! He tries to fall on it, but he couldn’t catch up, it’s rolled into the goal! Capitalizt SLANI extends their lead to four–nil just as the clock strikes ninety-one…and nine point three seconds later, the referee signals for full time. Your final score, Capitalizt SLANI four, Jasīʼyūn zero.”

Vephrall

08-12-2007, 17:17

from The Fan, Vephrall's leading semi-weekly sports publication

World Cup, matchday 1 - what's hot...and what's not

Group A

HOT: Northern Bettia upsetting defending champions Az-cz in the opening match of the World Cup. We do, however, worry that the Fire Ants' traveling supporters may carve a trail of destruction from Speilers all the way to Tuffir in celebration. Natives and other visitors, you might want to avoid Highway 404 for the next couple weeks.

NOT: A general lack of fight shown by Wentland in its match. Sure, they eventually got the win over the shapeshifting Ulzaxids, but it certainly wasn't pretty. What happened to all the energy they displayed the day Kita Oliver was freed? Now that she's back on the team, that all seems to be gone.

Group B

HOT: Novapsolu proving that they really can play with the big boys. Losing by just one goal to Ariddia and scoring three in the process? Sure, the Rouge-et-Noirs were without Jarl Knudsen between the sticks, but that's still pretty impressive.

NOT: Honestly there wasn't really all that much disappointment to be found in Group B. If anything, maybe Qazox's failure to keep up with Cafundéu in the second half, but the way the Monopolists play it's not that easy for anyone to keep up with them.

Group C

HOT: Zwangzug and Tynelia both got their jobs done. Neither in particularly stunning fashion, but as we all know, it doesn't matter (much) how many goals you win by.

NOT: Geisenfried slumped to an expected two-nil defeat against Zwangzug in the opener. Just think, if only they could have scored three fewer goals in qualifying, the Han could be in Vircais instead right now. Now that would be hot.

Group D

HOT: Does it even need to be mentioned? Peter Jeffers held the Princesses of Jeruselem to a single goal and helped his team steal three crucial points. Watch out, Turtles, or you might be jimmy doing one after the Bostopia match, bruv.

NOT: It really doesn't make a good case for your participation in the Cup as automatic qualifiers when you can't even score a single goal in the first match in front of 80,000 fans (a good 85 percent of them Vephrese) at Ellime e Vephrall. And you have to wonder if Sorrah Wais is still the dominant striker he was in the previous two qualification runs. He's certainly the best Vephrese striker since the end of isolation, but he's also thirty-two years old and beginning to slow down ever so slightly. And did Umsaasad Pentove properly prepare the team for the Cup? Maybe he did. Maybe the uninspired loss to Sel Appa was a fluke. But it would be no surprise if the losing continues in Speilers, as Jeruselem will certainly have something to prove after being upset by Bostopia.

Group E

HOT: The Holy Empire finally managed to take points from Errinundera. After the latter's perfect qualifying run, many football fans the world over will be happy to see them finally brought out of the trees and back down to earth.

NOT: Um...Milchama's defense? I know, that's not exactly news, but there really wasn't much on the negative side to speak of in this group.

Group F

HOT: Yafor II will be trying to show the world that it isn't just here to fill out the field of thirty-two, and the opening draw against Oliverry is a solid start.

NOT: The fans at the Roflcoptre Dome in Fariynuff surely went away disappointed, as the Capitalizt rivalry turned into a blowout, SLANI taking a comprehensive 4-0 victory over Jaseuyeon.

Group G

HOT: The talking heads on BCN may have actually gotten something right. Candelaria And Marquez are one of the lowest-ranked teams in the Cup, but don't be fooled. The team that took the pitch against Turori definitely looked like it deserved to be in Kura-Pelland and definitely deserved its 2-1 victory over Turori. Though, to be fair, a win over Turori sounds more impressive than it actually is. Remember, Vephrall took four points against Turori in its World Cup 36 qualifying run, fresh out of the Baptism of Fire.

NOT: So far, we've at least mentioned every match once, but the only negative we can see here is Turori's continued lackluster performance. Yes, top-seeded Demot also lost, but hey, Squornshelous is a pretty good team too.

Group H

HOT: Unlike with the other seven groups, this time there are really no big positives that we saw with this group, which was overall rather disappointing.

NOT: Fellow hosts Kura-Pelland fared no better than the white and gold in their opener at Lake Branagh Stadium in Porterbridge. And Vephrall had the better opponent. A two-nil loss to Quakmybush was definitely not what Kura-Pelland was looking for to start off. And what happened in the Bettia-Valanora match? Only one goal each? Where was the vaunted Arora attack? They're going to have to do better than that against Kura-Pelland and Quakmybush.

Candelaria And Marquez

08-12-2007, 17:47

A little while before…

Ricardo Garcia, coach of the C&M national football team, screams.

There’s a not insignificant chance this may be important, in a very limited sense.

Very shortly before…

Lyndon Hernández, the Candelaria And Marquez House of Representatives Chair of the All-Party Group on Rushmori Agricultural Subsidies and Minister for Rational Thought, was puppeteering. He wasn’t the only one, mind. There were several dozen secret service guys here; some allowed in with the Kura-Pellandi authorities’ grudging acceptance, others having snuck in under the guise of football supporters. Whichever, they were now all dressed in mufti, a mixture of blue or gold C&M kits and basic Candelariasian garb (Kelvin Clone jeans, Noke trainers, t-shirts with ‘My girlfriend gave me this lousy t-shirt and it didn’t even have anything written on it’ written on them, etcetera); and were meandering round Grayton City in small packs.

To the uninitiated, their wanderings appeared random. In truth, there were several more guys back at the hotel instructing the Candelariasian officials where to go. Anyone hovering over head would soon see it for what it was: herding. There were already too many Valanorans milling about waiting for their matchday two game with Quackmybush for Hernández’ liking. Anything that kept the Candelariasian fans away from the pointy-eared, lanky streaks of weirdness was a good thing.

Hernández said as much to Daniel Martino, his assistant. “No offence, obviously,” he added to the elf.

“Oh, none taken. And really, Lyndon, there’s no need to look so worried. As long as we can keep ‘our’ supporters in the city centre, we shouldn’t have too many problems. Elves tend to spend this sort of holiday poking about in backstreet boutiques, believe me.”

“I still think it’ll be easier said than done.” That was the pair’s companion for the day, Tatulya Samed. The country’s minister for Sport was a willowy girl who had been a C&M international netball star back in what Hernández considered to be the glorious old days when it was all the islands were good at, and even that had been at only regional level. She’d entered the House as one of Anderson’s Amazons – long-time Unionist Party supporters whose primary attributes were being female and relatively well known. Up until then, Samed’s major impact on Candelarias society had been the regular sight of her long blotchy legs turning the best part of a generation of Candelariasian adolescent boys to homosexuality. Were it not for the abolition of boarding schools, the country would've had a real problem. Any road, they’d stuck her in Sport where it was thought she couldn’t do any harm. And then much to everyone’s surprise she’d opted to buck a several decade long trend and allow C&M to form a team for international football competition, and suddenly the Candelarias were thrust into the real world.

Hernández despised her.

Martino put a graceful arm around each of their shoulders. “Please stop fretting, everyone. There’s no mice here, no giant greek letters, and the gnomes, aliens and shapeshifters are safely ensconced over in Vephrall.”

“That’s all very well until we play a bunch of pre-teens or eons-old elves in the second round,” Hernández muttered.

“The C&M team isn’t going to make the second round, sir. Come on. Besides, think yourself lucky. According to my source in Starblaydia; were we playing Turori a few years ago we’d be up against chocolate ducks…”

During…

Tracker Edwards bit down hard on his biro, splintering the end into several shards. He smiled awkwardly at an amused Bettian journalist wobbling on crutches next to him as he removed the pieces from his mouth and dropped them into a pocket.

That was the second goal, and it seemed like most of the forty-five thousand in the Octagon had leapt up to celebrate it. Under normal circumstances it would have been the denizens of a fellow Atlantian Oceanian country filling up the Kura-Pellandi stadium, but that country had become an extremely popular destination for Candelariasian holidaymakers in recent times. Edwards supposed it was because it was basically like the Candelarias, but a bit less normal. It was about as close to ‘exotic’ as most cared to go.

He was happy, he thought, but there were other things on his mind. It had been just the most gorgeous free-kick by Ben Head, one which nobody had expected. O’Sullivan Caras, who normally took them, had been substituted after a minor knock a few minutes earlier and Jos Cornelisse still looked to be feeling the after-effects of his game against, Edwards spat, ‘Zemyzha Myzhent’. The left winger kept rubbing his backside forlornly throughout and seemed in no frame of mind to take the kick after the Turori defender had pole-axed him down.

So Head had lined the ball up about thirty yards out and curled it with just stupidly, ridiculously perfect precision into the top left-hand corner. The goalkeeper had just watched it go in.

Edwards’d written as much, but tried to tone it down. Scoring wonderful goals in heroic defeats was fine, according to Hernández, but never in wins. And certainly not at this stage, the World Cup finals, where little ol’ C&M were supposed to be amusingly outclassed. The first goal, shortly before half time had been a joy to watch too, headed in by Ignacio Vélez after a lovely José Felipe Cassumba Domingos through-ball. He’d put the blame on an utter lack of Turori marking on the Big Blues’ lone striker, but his heart wasn’t in it. C&M were just really good out there today, and there was nothing he, or Hernández, or anyone could do about it.

Except… He watched Ricardo Garcia, the dearly-departed-Mark-Baker’s replacement as manager, do that circular motion with his fingers. Corradini looked up at the board in surprise before trotting amiably off, with the second-choice right-back Walter Jordan coming on to take the Albrecht FC man’s place in midfield. Edwards frowned, put down the remains of his thinking biro, and bent over his laptop.

Would it be uncharitable to say, he wrote, that if C&M do not make it through to the second round it may not only be the ultimate lack of on-pitch quality to blame, nor the transcendent skills of the Squornshelons and Demotians, but Ricardo Garcia? The move from the No.2 role to the No.1 is one which had seen so many coaches at all levels come a cropper for many years. From being the players’ friend and confident, to the man making the toughest, harshest decisions? For some, that is simply too much to cope with. In Grayton, with C&M having battled their way to a barely-deserved two-nil lead, Garcia began to make a series of strange changes; bringing on Walter Jordan and Juan Carlos Revault for no apparent reason and rearranging the formation with Cornelisse going up front and Head shifting to the left. Is Garcia guilty of overthinking this management lark, of trying to prove that he and he alone has the football brain in the C&M camp? Whatever, he looked in danger of making himself appear a liability yesterday, and that can do nothing for team morale.

Edwards turned both eyes back to the pitch as Jordan made a hopeless midfield tackle and a Turori striker trotted into the box, grinned to himself as Benji Fu, Sam Young and Revault all tried to tackle him and ended up sprawled over each other in a heap, and fired past Oberon Martinez. The veteran journalist tutted and shook his head. Government-ordered hyperbole aside, he was concerned. C&M were never in a million years going to win this tournament of course, but it seemed like Garcia was doing his level best to make that a reality all the same…

A little while after…

Benji Fu, the C&M captain, left the others to their raucous celebrations. Maybe he was getting old, but he felt it was all a bit previous, especially after Squornshelous had beaten Demot. That result had served to dampen things slightly; doing the Big Blues no favours at all. Ideally, they had needed one side to run away with to allow C&M to slip in in second place. That could still happen, but it would surely require Turori to get a result against the druids, which didn’t seem overly likely after today’s performance.

Fu heard the sound of running water and wandered over to where his new manager was standing. Ricardo Garcia was washing his hands. Quite a lot. The words ‘out damned spot’ wandered through the centre-half’s mind.

Fu did an impromptu elephant dance, involuntarily stamping his right foot and jabbing a shaking index finger at Garcia.

“It-it-it-it-it-it-it WAS YOU!”

Garcia’s head turned sharply with a confused “Whuuu?”

“It was YOU! You killed Baker!”

“Whuu?” Garcia scratched his head, looked at the running tap and let reality dawn. “Oh, god, Benj, come on. Everyone knows that slimeball MP’s behind that, even if we dare not say it.”

“Oh. No, yeah. Sorry. Um. What are you doing, then?”

“I’d fallen asleep, actually. Sorry, I’m… The pressure’s getting to me a bit, I think, just between you and me. Um. Look, tell me honestly, Benj. I was rubbish today, wasn’t I?”

“You did make some odd decisions,” Fu conceded. “Changing the tactics and those weird subs. I really didn’t see what Jords was going to bring to bring to the table from centre midfield…”

“No…” Garcia wiped his eyes again.

Fu brandished a newspaper. “So, um. Are we gonna keep a winning formula against Squornshelous, or what? Only, Tracker Edwards reckoned in the Herald we should play Zach on the left and give Ossie a rest and put Zags up front. Lump it t’the big man, y’know?”

“Yes… Well, he does seem to have his head switched on, doesn’t he?” He yawned. “Let’s… Let’s do what he thinks, then.”

Fu gave his boss a concerned look, but decided against questioning him. “Alright, gaffer…” he muttered.

Zwangzug

08-12-2007, 17:59

"It doesn't feel that long since we played these guys." Andrew double-knotted his shoelaces and went to work on the other cleat.

"Do we know anything about them?" Mcgimpy asked.

"Their fourth kit was the most popular foreign jersey sold in Zwangzug, even more than that messed-up Bazalonian thing."

"Do we know anything about their team?"

Silence.

"Seven back there, I know you look this stuff up."

"Wh-what?" After blinking rapidly, Natalie, self-appointed statistics guru, rattled off, "It looks like they age four years between cups, so what the World Cup 35 team saw might not be very useful anyhow. Lowest-seeded team in the cup."

"That's better, even if it tells us nothing. Go run drill or something."

At various speeds-Simon Ryne dawdling, Phillip sprinting, and the others somewhere in between-the team began practicing. Jacob paced himself evenly, catching up with Andrew around a cone. "Why do you think we age half as quickly as Geisenfried?"

"How should I know?" he snapped irritably. "So the players in Cafundéu and C&M can keep in sync?"

Jacob nodded. "That's a good idea, actually. I hadn't thought of that."

"Do I want to know if you actually think about this kind of thing?"

"You've got several cups ahead of you." Jacob shrugged awkwardly. "Chances you wouldn't have if you got older faster. Maybe someone wants you to play in the future."

Andrew rolled his eyes. "Or something."

"Would you mind a quick summary of our careers so far?"

"Do I have any choice in the matter?"

Phillip lapped them. Once play began, his well-honed speed allowed him to evade a Geisenfried defender and tap in a pass from Brendan, and Peter would send one of Steven's passes into the goal.

"We've played against gnomes and elves," Jacob stated flatly. "We've been to Ulzaxid and the D-"

"You have a point or not?"

"Would you have believed in any of that stuff before?"

"...You have a point or not?"

"What's irrational is being bullheaded, let me leave it at that."

Az-cz

08-12-2007, 18:19

Amda-Mo: And now you see why we were not pleased about playing Northern Bettia. They're a travesty against sport.

Lur-Mn: Indeed. Rahim was absolutely livid after the match. Northern Bettia absolutely cheated their way to this victory. Numerous fouls, diving, food poisoning. I've even heard that the Az-cz assassins guild has even threatened to extract revenge for this.

Amda-Mo: Really, I hadn't heard that. That would be an unfortunate kind of history to make.

Lur-Mn: Yes it would. As unquestionable as it is that Northern Bettia cheated their way to victory, that's no excuse for murder.

Amda-Mo: Let's review the incidents that set off the coaching staff and the nation.

Lur-Mn: Well it started before the match. Some of the players were sick at the hotel before the match due to food poisoning, including key starters Bn-Cty, Shockey and Haji-Me and top sub Youn Ji-Hyun. And as we learned near the end of the match when Haz-Tp became afflicted near the end of the match other players were afflicted as well. Then things continued that way with Northern Bettia committing blatant penalty after blatant penalty. And while the refs did a decent job of watching, Northern Bettia put on a show for the ages. The most infuriating, or impressive if you're a fan of cheating, was the stomach punch delivered by Blake Sitara on Anthony Byrd.

Amda-Mo: Is that all?

Lur-Mn: No you have to consider the fact that at least two of their goals were undeserved. The opening Northern Bettia goal should've been disallowed as Cn-Vro was clearly fouled on the play, but the ball was on the opposite side of the field so the ref didn't notice and that allowed Shinobu to get open for the header.The first penalty was a blatant dive. Ca-Fu didn't just not elbow Shinobu the replays showed their was no contact of any sort. Buf the ref was at the wrong angle to pick that out and so we got dinged for a penalty goal.

Amda-Mo: So how do we regroup from this match?

Lur-Mn: The first thing is to clearly get healthy and get our full side back. We've all seen the Gnomes recover from these deficits before, so we know they're not dead yet. And this team has incredible heart, so they won't give up.

Amda-Mo: Ulzaxid is up next. How do we match up with them?

Lur-Mn: Well it's been a while since we've met and they've come along way since then. They play a strong attacking formation so it'll be an up and down game. They're the only team in the world that really has an endurance advantage over us, but at least we won't have to worry about being fouled much as they play a very clean brand of soccer.

Amda-Mo: What will be the key to winning?

Lur-Mn: Precision. Both teams will make plenty of good chances. The team who finishes better will be the team who comes away with three points. And we'll need to come away with three points.

Amda-Mo: What will be hoping for in the other match?

Lur-Mn: A Wentland victory. Of course ahead of time it's always hard to tell what will benefit us. But if we win against Ulzaxid a win against Wentland would leave us with a chance at topping the group, which would be big. It would probably also mean that we'd advance just by matching results with Northern Bettia. So that's what we're hoping for.

Amda-Mo: What about over in group B?

Lur-Mn: Ariddia struggled a bit, but won and Cafundeu pounded Qazox. So at this moment technically Ariddia is in second, but they should still win their group. So that first place still looks to be the goal.

Amda-Mo: And in other groups?

Lur-Mn: Nothing too much to note. A lot of the top teams slipped to draws, but all against pretty good opponents so they shouldn't be too worried. Us and Jeruselem are probably the biggest named losers. Our loss was the only real stunner on the day and will go down as a blight on this world cup.

Amda-Mo: Now onto the top six.

Lur-Mn: After qualifiers were full of repetition we're seeing a bunch of unusual names pop up here.

6. Sel Appa

While Vephrall isn't the strongest host ever, it's always impressive to beat a host 2-0 in the first match, when the emotions are riding high. A nice way to start up.

5. Ariddia

They can't be too pleased with the squeaker against Novapsolu, but they won and keep the favorite status for this cup.

4. Bostopia

The Bostopians quote-unquote "did a Jimmy brother one" on the Jeruselem side. While only a 2-1 victory they are now set up well to make a trip to the second round.

3. Cafundeu

A very nice victory over a good Qazox side lets the world know that Cafundeu is in with a vengance. All they need now is to beat Novapsolu and they'll be through, a task they should accomplish.

2. Squornshelous

They have the best victory earned on the day, as opposed to the victory the Gogs cheated to. Beating Demot is a big step back for the psychoes. With just a weak Turori side and the first timers from Candelaria & Marquez they'll definitely find the three points needed to advance.

1. Commerce Heights

The only utter thrashing on the day was the 4-0 demolishing they handed out. They've been one of the best teams all along and are the team best poised to knock off #1 Ariddia. We'll see if that holds up.

Amda-Mo: Well join us back here next time as we face the Morphs in what is now a must win game.

Ulzaxid

08-12-2007, 19:08

At the start of the Ulzaxid match the players did something no one in the world had ever seen them do before:

Speak.

Usually before a match the Ulzaxids simply waive their right to a national anthem. But today the whole team came out with microphones and delivered a short but moving speech.

"We would like to send our best wishes and encouragement to our coach and mentor Chloe Dumas, who has been unable to join us here in Vephrall at this time. We hope her recuperation goes well and we're looking forward to seeing her soon."

And with that the Ulzaxid "anthem" ended and they proceeded to move onto the match. Without their coach and tactical leader they looked a bit overwhelmed at first and Wentland took advantage, powering in three goals in the first 28 minutes a lead they took into the half time break.

Still eventually they got their heads together and made a bit of a show, scoring in the 67th and 82nd minutes. It looked like they might just earn a point when they fired off a shot in the 88th, but it hit the bar and deflected over. Wentland was able to lock down from their and Ulzaxid was left wanting.

The players only hoped Chloe would show up so they could have some help figuring out the defending champs.

Bostopia

08-12-2007, 19:13

Harry Auderrie opened his right foot, hitting the inside of his foot off the World Cup 38 logo-emblazoned football at his feet, and watched time slow down as the ball found it's way into the back of the net, via the inside of the far post.

He wheeled round and away, toward the raised arms of Aleksander Cripps, who greeted Harry with the excitement of a player who'd just gone two-one up.

“Get in there Harry!” Aleks yelled, “Bloody good finish!”

As they embraced, Harry noticed Kate Dallas collapse to the floor.

“Shit! Ref! Ref!” He screamed, running over to the Princess.

He put his hand on her neck, feeling for a pulse. Noting it was weak, he placed his hand on her breast in order to ensure there was still a heartbeat. Slightly dubious, but better than nothing he thought, while checking her airways and breathing, putting her in the recovery position.

Aside from what he'd done, Auderrie could do nothing more but step back as the Jeruselem physio got over to where Dallas lay.

Following the game, Kelly Firth spoke to the press.

“We're delighted with the win, but obviously, we're very worried about Kate. It's not nice to see a player go down at all, let alone unconscious. I have heard the Jeruselem press suggesting Harry was 'rubbing her breasts' in an attempt to wake her up, but we know he was merely being unconventional in his first-aid approach.

The Jeruselem physio has thanked Harry and the other players involved for helping out, saying his quick thinking potentially stopped Kate from swallowing her tongue, which I don't think needs saying could have been disastrous.

Now we've got to prepare mentally and physically for the Sel Appa game, which as we expected is going to be a massive game. We do have a lot of respect for Sel Appa, we know they're a big team and we know it's not going to be easy, but each player out there will put in more effort than is required on the pitch. We can't rely on playing Vephrall and expecting a win there, we have to get the results in the early stages, and we've helped ourselves today. We can't get overconfident.”

Milchama

08-12-2007, 19:31

"Whoa dude I felt like I just went through a giant amnesia patch what happened?"

"Me too, well let's see, where are newspapers?"

"No idea dude, hmmmmm.... Ah let's talk to that guy"

"Hey you there, how are the Warriors doing?"

"Pretty well actually, they qualified for the World Cup and beat Adihan in the first match 4-3."

"Good to hear ok then, what else do we need to know?"

"Is there a new baseball cup happening?"

"Yeh, hey wait who are those guys?"

*Whack Whack Whack*

"We got them"

"Excellent, now let's see them embarrass with their liberal use of the word dude"

"Yea man"

Demot

08-12-2007, 20:52

"Alright lads, it's just one game, and we can still take the three from each of the other two matches to advance, no need to worry quite yet. Yet, I'm going to need to see more sound defence from the lot of you next time around. I know the Squornos are quite a good squad, but we're among the favorites to win the tournament and to turn out a defensive effort that poorly is clearly not acceptable lads."

"But David, that winning goal was clearly offside, how can you blame us for a blown call?"

"I can't blame you for the call, though it was borderline at best Matai. But I can blame you for not marking the man who got the easy tap in. Anytime a player has such an easy tap in in front of goal, someone forgot their mark and that was yours. It's espicially horrendous considering it came off a free kick. When you have the time to get you mark and stick to them, you simply can't let them get free in front of goal for clean up duty.

Now there were some positive to the game. Songsteel, you're looking better and better, that move to Cafundeu looks like it is already paying dividends. If you keep up that pressure on the wings, that will loosen up the center for Lewis and the other strikers. Conner, you're doing well also, but you need to keep the pressure on for the entiry ninety minutes. I know it's my fault for not subbing you out when you were clearly laboring, but I felt like others needed to come out before you. Still, good game and good deliverry on Lewis' goal.

Now squad, we have four days before our next match, and since it's not an overly difficult match, I'm letting our rehab practice tommorow be a dip in the pool. However, if you fail to get the result we need, you can bet your spot on the next roster will be gone. I'm giving you guys a little leeway, don't hang me with it."

Elves Security Forces

08-12-2007, 21:24

"How the heck did we just draw with a bunch of freaking kids? What the bloody hell was that eh? We're freaking professionals with hundreds of years of expierence, we should of freaking creamed the hell out of them!" a frustrated Kiso Night exclaims as the squad shuffles into the locker room.

"Well, they are Bettians Kiso, and you know that they have an excellent pedigree, though still doesn't make it any easier to swallow I admit. Yet, it did seem like the officials seemed to favor them slightly, perhaps because they were kids?" chirps in Cristi Kries.

"You know what, I really feel bad for Anti over there. I mean, he had that chance in the ninety-second minute and it looked in, but Barkley just did get his leg to it to clear it off the line. I mean, I think that was Anti's first action in the Cup Proper and to go from thinking you won the match to watching the ball be deflected off the line and the cleared out has to be tough for the lad. Don't you think?" a sympathetic Saye contributes.

Ali Alidare decides to join in the conversation as he sits next to the rest of the group, "Aye, the lad definately will be dissapointed, but unlike the rest of us, he still has alot of playing time ahead of him. He'll recover, and will likely build on the expierence, it's the true mark of a professional you know. Building off past expierences to make yourself better. I know I've had to do so and likely wouldn't be here if I didn't."

"But Ali, you're a special case. The ESC at that point wanted to make a statement and choose you because of you're faith. Poor Anti is just the run of the mill striker and expierences like that can kill his confidence. I've seen players never recover from those situations." an antimate Xanxz excalims.

"Oh will you lot just quit the gossip and concentrate on how we're going to progress? We got one point, which is better than none considering all the upsets of the top seeds this past weekend, but we've got work to do if we want to make a run to the title. We've got those pesky Quakmybushians up next and although we creamed them both times in the qualifying stages, we can't take them lightly. Look at what happened today, do you really want the same thing to happen next again against much inferior oppisition? And if you're trully concerned about Anti, Contant and Dwier are talking to him and getting his mind right outside the dressing room. Now, quit the gossip and start gameplanning people. I don't know about you, but I want to win this tournament." and the dressing room goes silent as the players nod their head and start to head to the hotel after Laborious' comments.

Vephrall

09-12-2007, 00:30

{MD2 RP cutoff}

Jeruselem

09-12-2007, 04:03

C1 = Commentator 1
C2 = Commentator 2

C1: Vephrall are really hard in defense here! They are holding the Princesses still.
C2: Yes, not much forward momentum for them here but if they can hold a draw, they will make things for Jeruselem hard.
C1: Well, that was a Vephrall attack but weak! No panic from the keeper.
C2: No wonder they haven't scored so far, not enough forward firepower.

C1: Skate is getting all agitated again.
C2: Yes, I think she's the only royalty on the field in the entire world cup right now.
C1: Pretty girl too!
C2: I think Kelly Firth is prettier!

C1: Vephrall fight off another goal, he almost dropped it.
C2: Well, that Dazza Deux sure hits the ball quite hard.
C1: There's only a minute left of normal time.
C2: If the Vephrall can hold on the ball, they have a draw!

C1: Hey, look it's the number 33 - she's stolen the ball off Vephrall.
C2: The Princesses are surging forward again.
C1: That cute Scooter has the ball, and she's skipping!
C2: She does have a funny way of walking at times, like a little schoolgirl.

C1: She's pumped in the ball to crowded forward line.
C2: I think most of the players are there now, except the Jeruselem keeper.
C1: Vephrall clear it! No they don't Deux got the ball back!
C2: She's put back into that mob of players

C1: Skate's dived, she scores!
C2: Goodness me! She has. Vephrall are shocked.
C1: The whistle is gone!
C2: Vephrall is in a lot of trouble, it looks the Jerusemites will need to beat the Turtles. Sel Appa beat Bostopia 3-2.

C1: Hey, look - what's that.
C2: A pair of shorts.
C1: Oh, look Skate doesn't have her shorts. Looks live she lost them when she dived.
C2: I think that Vephrall defender was holding on her shorts instead of the shirt.

C1: Skate's got no pants on!
C2: She's gone to collect her shorts.
C1: Hey, look the crowd is all excited.
C2: It's not everyday, a female football player is almost naked on the field.

C1: Funny, all the cameras are pointed at her.
C2: Yummy! Now, that's a body!
C1: Hey, I thought you liked Kelly Firth better there!
C2: Me, Dazza, Kelly and Skate in a hot tub!

C1: OK, back to the football not your dreams.
C2: She's loving the attention.
C1: She is the daughter of Dazza Dallas.
C2: Yummy too.

C1: Anyway, Skate's got her shorts back on.
C2: There's a big game - Jeruselem vs Sel Appa.
C1: Bostopia have Vephrall, which are not an easy opponent either.
C2: Well, Bostopia have easy run but there is no guarantee they'll win at all.

C1: What an exciting day, Jeruselem win with a princess losing her shorts.
C2: Yes, I thought they had to wear undies.
C1: Apparently not in her case.
C2: See you all later, it's goodnight!

Qazox

09-12-2007, 05:01

(ooc: Ari, just going off your last post, that you starting keeper is out with a bad knee, I just picked the 1st one as the sub, if that's ok.)

JAN 12, 1934 (Moje, Vephrall)

With the absence of Ariddian goalkeeper Jarl Knudsen, I figured we had a decent chance of pulling off a big win. Boy was I wrong. The backup,Laurent Malin played his ass off, stopping all 13 of our shots. But there is something wrong with the team and it allowed Jamilah Shahrour to score the lone gaol just 5 minutes before the end of the game. With this loss, we are once agin eliminated from the World Cup in the opening round.

The whole experiment is almost a failure. The nanoprobes taken from Ty Reed have fully integrated with our Bionic technology, but in a bad way. The players are turning into a weird combination fo cyborgs and flesh and blood beings. They have begun to stay in seculsion until the match begins and they don't speak ever. Dr. Hadel has no idea why this is happening, but he thinks that he can reverse some of the effects. I truly hope so before the match with Novapsolu.

SCORING SUMMARY:
Ariddia: Jamilah Shahrour- 85'

Ariddia

09-12-2007, 10:20

On to the next stage

Despite the absence of Jarl Knudsen, the Rouge-et-Noirs have won their second consecutive game in the group stage, eliminating Qazox to advance to the next round. The Rouge-et-Noirs appeared to be the better side throughout much of the game, but good defending and skilled attacks from Qazox’s Phoenix team meant that the Ariddians struggled to take a decisive advantage. A lone goal by Jamilah Shahrour made the difference.

“Last time we failed to get past the group stages was in World Cup 33,” team captain Jeremy Isaacs said. “But it was in World Cup 37 that we crashed out in the round of 16. We’ve had a bit of a scare over the past two matches, so we’re not taking anything for granted.”

Meanwhile, in group A, Az-cz are unexpectedly struggling, with only one point in two games, but are not yet out of the competition. In group D, Errinundera have suffered a surprising reversal of fortune; after a perfect run through the qualifiers, the potoroos have stumbled over two draws, leaving them in a precarious third place. In Group F, Capitalizt SLANI has qualified comfortably, leaving its opposition far behind and fighting for second place. Vephrall’s position is weak, after two defeats, while co-hosts Kura-Pelland have been eliminated.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/the_ariddian_isles.png Ariddian Isles 1-0 Qazox http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/qazox.png

Az-cz

09-12-2007, 11:16

Amda-Mo: Another disappointing result leaves the Gnomes on the brink of elimination yet again.

Lur-Mn: Thankfully we still control our own destiny thanks to the Gogs cheating Wentland as well.

Amda-Mo: How did we fail to beat Ulzaxid?

Lur-Mn: We just didn't finish well. We outshot them 18 to 11, but a lot of our shots uncharacteristically went flying off target. Of those 18 shots we only put 7 of them on goal.

Amda-Mo: So you think the offense is to blame for the loss?

Lur-Mn: No. The whole team is to blame for the loss. Victories aren't determined by one section of the team. Yes it was the offense who was most disappointing, but the defense didn't rise to the occasion to cover for them. They let Ulzaxid score the 68th minute equalizer that cost us the two points. So the whole team has to feel responsible for the loss.

Amda-Mo: Last cup we found ourselves in this same position and Az-cz made the correct changes to spark the team. Do you see any such moves from Rahim, this cup?

Lur-Mn: I'm skeptical of that. I'm not saying it won't happen, but I can't see it happening. I think the 11 that were so good in qualifiers just have to rediscover their form. Of course it also looks on later reflection we had a really easy group, as both Qazox and Turori have also fallen on their faces.

Amda-Mo: That they have. A combined one for the three of us is entirely unimpressive. Now about the Wentland match, what do we need to do to beat them?

Lur-Mn: Play better football. We've given up 5 goals so far. So we'll need to play better defense, but seeing as how we're an offensive focused team, we'll probably also need to score more than the two goals a game we've seen so far.

Amda-Mo: How confident do you feel about it?

Lur-Mn: Not a whole lot. As we talked about early in the cup, the one place where Rahim was at a big disadvantage compared to Zax-Im was mood setting. Zax-Im, by nature both of being an Az-czzer and knowing his players incredibly well knew exactly the right motivational buttons to push. Rahim doesn't have that ability. So it'll be up to the players to motivate themselves. Shockey's role as captain will be really put to the test.

Amda-Mo: Assuming we find the result we need against Wentland what's going on in group two.

Lur-Mn: Well Ariddia and Cafundeu are both through with six points. Cafundeu is currently ahead so if they can pick up a tie or draw they'll top the group. That's what we're hoping for as there's no way for us to top the group now. And as Ariddia is the only team to beat us in the knockouts the last three cups we'd like to avoid them greatly.

Amda-Mo: True, but just like we had to go through Bettia last time if we're going to repeat we'll have to take out Ariddia early, probably.

Lur-Mn: I think so too. Cafundeu is a good team, Ariddia is the best.

Amda-Mo: Now let's look at the rest of the groups.

Lur-Mn: Once again we put up the worst performance for the round. Candelaria & Marquez picked up another nice result, drawing Squornshelous, so that now they'll advance with a draw. Oliverry is the other team who has to be disappointed as the second draw, this time with JSY means they need to get some kind of a result, probably a win, against Commerce Heights to move on, and that will be tough. They have to be rooting strongly for JSY and Yafor II to draw each other.

Amda-Mo: So they're the other big name other than us who looks to be in trouble?

Lur-Mn: Yeah and Jeruselem. And Demot's in basically the same position as us as well. So those are the four big names to watch.

Amda-Mo: And who are the big six leading the way right now?

6. Zwangzug

Gave the Bazalopes a second consecutive 3-2 loss to send our friends out of the cup and push themselves through to the next round. Not the most impressive victories, but two wins are two wins.

5. Tynelia

After opening up by beating Bazalonia turned around and smacked around Geisenfried 4-1, a crazy result for the defensive nation. They now face Zwangzug with no pressure at all.

4. Ariddia

Another win that was closer than you might have expected, but they're still the number one team in the world and are a force to be reckoned with. Expect them to take the top spot of their group and knock down the team above them.

3. Cafundeu

Which would be Cafundeu. Smash Qazox, smash Novapsolu, qualify for second round, avoid Ariddia cause they're in your group, sounds like a good recipe for the Monopolists. And suprisingly they might be better off with losing to Ariddia then with winning, so they can't be too bothered by the next game either way.

2. Sel Appa

My favorite chant deserves to be busted out again:

Go Ninja, go ninja go! Go ninja go!
T-U-R-T-L-E Power.

Apparently I messed up the Bostopian saying last night so here it goes again. The Turtles "did a jimmy bruvver on you!" to the Bostopians. And despite not being technically qualified are rolling.

1. Commerce Heights

At the top lies the one name on this list other than Ariddia to hold a championship. The one name on this list other than Ariddia that commands respect from the whole world for their football prowress. The Slains were playing great football long before the other four teams on this list even began competing. And they're at it again. Definitely the lead challengers to Ariddia at this point.

Amda-Mo: That they are. A lot of the teams expected to lead the way, us, the Elves, Bettia, have struggled a bit. You'll have to join us next time to find out if we even make the next round.

Candelaria And Marquez

09-12-2007, 14:23

Before…

Ricardo Garcia couldn’t scream. Oh God, how he wanted to. There was nothing that seemed more natural at a time like this than making a blood-curdling cry for help. Nor could he move; not an arm, not a leg, not even fingers or toes. Everything that constituted ‘him’ was now within a hundred billion or so neurons inside his skull. Every other part of Ricardo Garcia was utterly beyond reach.

All in all, he wasn’t overly chuffed about this situation.

________________________

The Albrecht Herald
Big Blues pour Squorn on early naysayers
By Tracker Edwards

A few headline writers would’ve hoped that C&M would be found wanting in Wulting. For everyone else in the PurplePlex or back home, this was another game to be savoured.

Ricardo Garcia got his initial tactics spot on, if I do say so myself, and there was a clear sense of purpose on the faces of the team as they emerged from the tunnel to the cheers of the Candelariasian fans assembled in the great lilac creation overhanging the pitch. Some seemed just a little worse for wear, a night or two on the booze with the notorious Squorshelan supporters clearly having taken its toll for a few thousand of them. Both sides had a roughly equal following in the stadium, but realistically only one had any real cause for confidence. One win out of one for both teams spoke for itself, but when the opposition was factored in, the respective histories and experience and downright playing ability of the two squads as well; the sensible punter could have found only one outcome.

Happily, Ricardo Garcia is not a betting man.

Instead we had a match that could – and no doubt will – be recounted in epic form for many a year in the Candelarias, but can be told here more simply in the form of its six goals. Playing an old-fashioned 4-4-2 with Zachary Pinkowski and Yasser Zaghloul included in the side for the small but telling injuries of Jos Cornelisse and O’Sullivan Caras; C&M appeared to have the width and the possession. The Pschychoes must face this formation more than any other, but they seemed utterly uncertain of how to deal with C&M’s. Whatever, they were certainly not prepared for the presence of Zaghloul in the starting XI, with the St Samuel-based forward giving the veteran Rassmus Pahlsson a horrible evening. The initial damage would be done as soon as the two sides had settled into the game, when a long clearance by Oberon Martinez was headed on by Pinkowski past young Vlatislav Prpic to Zaghloul. The forward toyed with the idea of passing the ball on again to Ignacio Vélez, but instead put it through the manly Nordic thighs of Pahlsson to leave Kustaa Paavalainen unsighted and unable to make an effort to save.

But the red-and-black-clad favourites were in no mood to capitulate, having conceded the first goal of the game against Demot as well. The many Squornshelan attackers began to get into the game, and soon Jzeovak Tkermec had flicked on for Martti Uolevi. Sam Young got a foot in between them, but his clearance was hurried and quickly returned to Caj Ilmari. The Cafundó do Juta star sidefooted the first equaliser home.

With confidence flooding back into their veins, the Squornshelans began to dominate proceedings and soon Martinez’s abilities began to be tested to the full. The five players ‘up front’ for the Pschychoes each had at least one chance to put the thirteenth-ranked side two-one up on the thirty-eighth, but somehow the goal never came.

Instead C&M went back in front shortly before half-time, though this goal owed as much to poor Squornshelan defending as anything else as José Felipe Cassumba Domingos on the right and going nowhere drew in three players to his position. Cassa took the opportunity to hoof the ball across field to where Lorenzo De Wilde had wandered, and the Cheonjin left-back passed to Vélez. With Zaghloul holding off Juha Timmonen, Vélez had little work to do to fire past Paavalainen.

In the second half, C&M were strangely less under the cosh that they should have been, as the Squornshelan formation began to resemble a 5-0-5 and Ben Head and Matteo Corradini began to control the midfield.

It couldn’t last however, as Squornshelous’ forwards began to pass the Candelariasian backline to death. Finally, on the sixtieth minute, Aatunen beat Nic Noble for pace and crossed to the head of Tkermec who promptly scored.

Did I say earlier that Garcia was not a gambling man? For in Wulting, Garcia rolled a five-sided dice and it came up a six. Tkermec’s equaliser was met with some furious reshuffling, as an admittedly tired-looking Vélez came off for the woefully out of form Stuart Vidakovic and Walter Jordan was brought on for Ben Head, moved to left-back and De Wilde taking the vacated midfield spot. But somehow it all worked, and C&M began to earn the momentum once more. De Wilde was tackled in the centre by Tomas Vendelin and from the ensuing free-kick Pinkowski delivered a bouncing ball into the box. Taavetti Oivanen attempted to clear but missed royally, and Cassumba Domingos was on hand to turn the ball in off the right-hand post.

The crowd sensed blood and an all-but inevitable second-round spot, but C&M remain simply not good enough to hold off a side like Squornshelous, in unfamiliar territory, for any length of time. So it proved as the clock ticked over the ninety-minute mark, as Jan Jorgenson threw on Tomas Kurka for one final push. The youngster stretched the Big Blues’ defence just too far, and it finally broke as Benji Fu lost out to the AC Damogran striker who found Ilmari free in the box. The Squornshelan found his third goal of this third World Cup, and left Candelariasian hearts slightly dented.

It will be left to David Masteron’s Demot to unwittingly mend or break them.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/squornshelous.png Squornshelous 3
Ilmari 26 and 90, Tkermec 60

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Candelaria And Marquez.png Candelaria And Marquez 3
Zaghloul 13, Vélez 44, Cassumba Domingos 76

______________________

Some time after…

It was an odd mood in the Parwood hotel now that the initial disappointment of relinquishing a lead against former World Cup champions had died down. Now, the C&M squad were facing up to their new reality: that snatching a draw against Demot would see them through to the second round. For all that they were aware that that mission would be more than tricky; a feeling of chirpiness-to-confidence prevailed.

The squad’s interconnected rooms were packed; the group having attracted an assortment of hangers-on, most of whom were female. The rest of the space was taken up by the huge Parwood City left-footer Ramiro Novo, one of the four Candelariasians in the Kura-Pellandi league. Most of the squad that weren’t otherwise engaged were listening intently to the inside track on Barkham Park. Only Jos Cornelisse broke Novo’s whispered instructions with the occasional self-indulgent moan.

Benji Fu gave the Cafundéu-based winger a sharp look. “Jos, seriously mate, no-one’s interested,” the captain said over the general hubbub.

“But it was beautiful…”

“Mate, seriously. Your tail is gone, dude. It was a lovely tail, I concede that, but it’s over. Besides, at least you’ve got to keep yours after –”

“After Lorenzo broke it off.”

“Yeah. I know for a fact yer nan’s got it on her mantelpiece, so…”

He trailed off as the manager entered the room. Ricardo Garcia looked dreadful. One could’ve smuggled at least half a dozen immigrants in the bags under his eyes, if one had wished to do so, for some reason. He smiled dozily at Fu and beckoned several of the senior players over to a corner.

“Gaffer… Ric,” Fu began. “Y’know, me an’ the boys, we’re starting to get a little concerned about –”

“Benj. Don’t worry about it, amigo. Really. I’ve done a lot of thinking, and I know those Demotties are going to be a real challenge, but I have the answer. Came to me in a dream, no? Think about it. They’re just a bunch a’ druids, right?”

“Well, not as s–”

“So how can they appear to be so good? It’s not as though they’ve got anyone playing in Cafundéu or anythin’ like us, right?”

“Actually, ther–”

“So I reckon they’re not that good at all, right? They just project an image of stylishness and self-assurance that fools everyone into thinking they’re proper useful. And who’re the most self-assured people on earth? That’s right, the French! An Oliverrian, probably. These druids have got a Gaul that mixes them up this magic potion that.”

“That?” Fu sighed.

There was a pause before Garcia crumpled to the floor. There was a nervous pause.

“Gosh. He’s not dead, is he?” Cornelisse asked.

“Fast asleep,” Fu replied after leaning forward to check. “Which basically means that it’s looking like we’re not going to have a proper coach for the most important game of our careers.”

There was a second nervous pause.

“Oh dear,” Cornelisse muttered.

Jeruselem

09-12-2007, 14:59

http://img470.imageshack.us/img470/8564/jgnlogohe2.png

Terrorists rounded up during World Cup "shorts" scandal

All over Jeruselem, special forces were storming the homes of Restoration of True Morality leaders. They timed to concide with the World Cup between Jeruselem the Vephrall, as these terrorists weren't expecting to be watching the game so they'd be easy to spot. The raids netted university professors, public servants and Protestant church leaders. They also shut down a community radio station and a secret printing press for the terrorists.

Most leaders gave up without a fight to preserve their families but some decide to shoot it out with our stormtroopers. One home was quite well defended with the family inside fighting to the death, so authorities had to resort to blasting a rather large hole in the wall with a tank to get in. The children of this particular family were shooting with pistols so they too had to be killed.

Government-backed Jewish militias also raided some farms being used as military training camps for the group. On one farm, grenades were thrown by the terrorists and some Militia members were killed. However, government gunships put a stop to this turning buildings to rubble as consequence. The navy also was in action as it sunk a yacht being used to smuggle illegal weapons into Jeruselem.

Evangelists condemned the raids and wanted a middle road so the people seeking God's true morality in Jeruselem and government could make a deal. The government rejected this idea and said it was determined to win this battle.

While all this was happening, Jeruselem scored a 1-0 win over Vephrall and Sel Appa beat Bostopia 3-2 with Peter Jeffers unable to repeat his heroics. And that infamous goal by our Princess losing her shorts (and doing a Dazza Dallas) while diving for the winning goal. The Vephrall defender was not punished for holding her shorts as it was an accident when tension was at a peak and anyone could have made a mistake like that.

Hikfie Dallas speaking for her niece said
"She's alright about it. She thinks it made the day special. I would have gone red and got really embarassed. Not many people can do those full body dives but Kate is different. She's fearless, a big of flying is exciting for her. She doesn't remember much of the other incident, except waking up feeling dizzy. She wants to thank Harry for helping her after she fainted but not the goal that caused it in the 1st place."

The only comment about Kate Dallas with the "breast" incident at the game against Bostopia and now the "shorts" incident from the Royal family, was Kate does what she does best - "make the boring dramatic".

Some criticised the coach for letting these things happen by making Kate Dallas the team captain but he defended himself
"Firstly, she's the Crown Princess. She's got rank over me. That should be bleedingly obvious. And it doesn't matter it she's captain or not, them girls will attract this kind of attention regardless. I've got better things to do, we have to win the next game. Doesn't matter if Bostopia wins or not, because we need to win regardless. We aren't Bostopia."

Group D is wide open still with no one safe or totally eliminated.
* Vephrall need to beat Bostopia by a large margin and Jeruselem lose to make the next round. They have the worst goal difference (-3). From results so far, we don't think they will unless Bostopia have a shocker.
* Sel Appa need a draw or win only. Their goal difference of +3 should ensure they progress should they lose unless they have a really bad shocker.
* If Bostopia lose, to Vephrall then Jeruselem needs a draw only.
* Should Jeruselem beat Sel Appa, then if Bostopia draw - Jeruselem. If Bostopia win - comes down to goal difference and head-to-head. Three teams on six points. Sel Appa's better GD is handy here.
* If Jeruselem draw, and Bostopia draw then Bostopia progess. Both have a 0 GD.

OK, after all that - it's quite simple. Jeruselem must win or have a bit of luck with the other game going their way. Jeruselem play the World Cup one way - with lots of drama.

Wentland

09-12-2007, 15:50

Rose Dougall curled the free-kick around the wall and into the top corner. "Two-one!!! We're almost through!!!!" With four minutes to go the Blue Tits were ahead and looking like they were guaranteed a place in the last sixteen.

But then something strange happened. A green smoke descended over the pitch and the Wentland team fell to the ground, choking. The Northern Bettia players seemed immune to the effects, having apparently donned some sort of mask.

Norman Hacker on the touchline was beside himself. "What's going on? Is there a chemical factory? No-one told me about this!"

A host representative was equally puzzled. "No, nothing like that here. What is this? The mist is dissipating...how are your players?"

The answer was that they were in a bad state. Most got groggily to their feet, but Hacker was forced to use his last substitution, to replace Saunders with Summers, as the Petterham midfielder was vomiting. Hacker therefore approached the fourth official, who was talking to one of the Fire Ants officials.

As Hacker approached the Northern Bettia official snapped his fingers. The official turned around and smiled coldly and emotionlessly. "Yes, you can make the substitution. It's time for me to go onto the pitch, I have to replace the referee."

The substitution made, the fourth official restarted the match. The Blue Tits weakly tried to challenge when Sonata tried a speculative shot, which was also fairly weak and was headed away by Beaven.

The official pointed to the spot.

"What?"

"Penalty. Handball. Northern Bettia must score/"

"What are you ON about? It was a header!"

"Dissent. Red card. Off."

Hacker was bemused. Even more upsetting when Shinobu equalized from the spot, and within the next minute Cassidy caught a cross which was adjudged to have crossed the line. When on the edge of her six-yard box.

Suddenly it was 3-2 and the teams were in injury time, of which the fourth official played 16 minutes, enough time for two more goals - one finished off by Sonata, who shoved Grady out of the way unseen by the fourth official, and one finished off by the fourth official himself after he awarded himself a penalty.

As the fourth official blew the final whistle, he collapsed and was carried from the pitch unconscious. The Wentland team was metaphorically and literally on their knees...from qualification to the brink of elimination. A draw needed to go through. Against the World Champions.

New Manhattan

09-12-2007, 17:51

“And now at the end of the fourth minute added on, the Capitalizts trying to hold off Yafor Two’s last-gasp attack…Klienta puts the ball into the box…Meleherat with the header! Pushed away from goal! Osthmeier with the clearance—and he’s walloped in mid-air! Free kick to SLANI—no, he points to the spot!”

“I think Osthmeier might have got his arm into that play, but it’s hard to see from our camera angle.”

“Osthmeier is down on the field recieving attention from the technician…and we have recieved word that the Hyesuŋjī have battled for a one–one draw against Oliverry, which means Capitalizt SLANI will have won the group if they can hold on to their two–one lead. In fact, it appears that they’ll be the only team to win their group before the final matchday if Kuban-Schenllfrieder can stop this penalty kick. Osthmeier is now being carted off the field, and the bots in black are already out of substitutions—not that it matters, since the game is just about over…and Velastros puts the ball on the spot, takes a deep breath, and…SAVED! He gets his fingertips to it! The referee blows the final whistle! After their poor initial showing, the robot footballers have tallied fifteen straight wins! Your final score, Capitalizt SLANI two, Yafor nil—er, one—and the Capitalizts will be in the next round as group winners. This is Mark Roberts signing off. Capitalizt SLANI vs Yafor Two has been a presentation of PariMedia, the States’ fair and balanced media network. Good night.”

Adihan

09-12-2007, 18:25

Evans, AFF part ways
By Davey Thomson
RAI Chief Football Correspondent

The Ad'ihan Football Federation (AFF) has confirmed that manager Luke Evans has resigned from his position with immediate effect, bringing an end to Evans' spell as national team manager.

Under his charge, which began with the World Cup 37 finals held in Ad'ihan, the team played 27 games, winning 13, drawing 3 and losing 11, scoring 62 goals along the way whilst conceding 51, making Evans the most successful manager of Ad'ihan yet.

The announcement means that Ad'ihan are managerless for their final, inconsequential World Cup 38 group match against Errinundera, which the team are expected to lose and finish 0-0-3 for the second finals in a row. The AFF confirmed that Alexander Lewis-Edwards, already in Kura-Pelland for the draw, was first choice to take over from Evans. However, Lewis-Edwards has been arrested by Kura-Pelland police on suspicion of assault with a dangerous weapon, for stabbing the Bazalonian representative at the draw with a penknife.

Goalkeeping coach Adam Carrero, a former World Cup winner who is due to retire from the sport after this cup, will take charge as caretaker manager for his one and only game against Errinundera.

Meanwhile, Kura-Pelland police have confirmed that they intend to charge Lewis-Edwards with assault, and if convicted Lewis-Edwards faces time in jail in Kura-Pelland. The Liverpool England embassy in Chacor, the only Atlantian Oceania nation it has an embassy in, said that they had been in contact with the Kura-Pellandi authorities.

The AFF declined to say if it intended to sack Lewis-Edwards from his position in the Ad'ihan team.

Elves Security Forces

09-12-2007, 18:59

Valanora Express
Forty Years of Elven Football

Soo my friends, here on the brink of moving forward into the knockout phase of the competition, it is only right that we take a look back and how we've gotten to where we are. How have the once minnows in the pond turned into one of the big fish, one of the elite footballing countries in the entire world? How have the squad that couldn't buy themselves into the Proper now have made it seven straight times, including this one, and into the knockout stages in every single time? Well my friends, the answers are there and we're ready to explain it to you.

When the Elves first entered the competition in World Cup 29, they decided to bypass Baptism of Fire prior to the tournament due to a lack of information about the competition's benifits. At such a disadvantage compaired to other debutants who entered the preceding tournament, not much was expected of the Marauders, and most expected them to finish second to last in their group. And looking back now, doing so might have been the better route for the proud bunch, but instead they rode the back of several upsets and finished tied for third and just four points off of qualifying when the dust settled. Instead of keeping up the competition and making way to the Cup of Harmony, the squad was once again forced to miss the competition due to a flu outbreak.

The next three tournaments were all filled with dissapointment after dissapointment which forced the legendary Fortendale Florintine into retirment. With Michael Revtron taking up the reigns, the squad was poised to make a rebound, yet right before World Cup 33, Revtron suffered a mental break and was placed in an instution for his and societies safety. A stroke of luck it would turn out to be when none other than legendary Inaki Soler of Vilita, fresh off retirement from playing himself, decided to take up the reigns of the national team. Under the guidance of the first forienger in national team history, the Marauders sailed into their first appearance in the Finals, and made it all the way to the quarterfinal stage where they were finally displaced by Wentland. Not to be dissapointed by not making it farther, Inaki and the squad came back all the stronger in World Cup 34 and finished their best ever 3rd in the competition. Deciding that he had taken them as far he could, Soler decided to resign from his post and that's when Constant would get his chance.

The squad has been making steady progress in terms of skill under their former captain, but Constant's legacy thus far has been great qualifying campaigns, but not the final push when it comes to the Proper. Granted that he has faced teams like Bettia and Demot in his quartfinal clashes, and those losses are excusable, to a point. Yet the loss to Erriunndera is the one that has many people wondering if it was a wise choice to bring the captain on soo soon. Constant has his chance now to prove them wrong, with just needing a draw against hosts Kura-Pelland to ensure progression. Yet for all his perceived mistakes, he has always had the steady figure of Dwier Titenburg their to keep things level. The former defender has been an assistant manager to the last three managers, and are oddsmakers favorites to be the next. He has a great charisma about him and will likely be appreciated wherever he ends up.

So that's the story of how tiny ESF turned into the elite Valanora, with the political side removed of course, and are looking poised to take their first title. With little else to explain, I'll simply update each of you on where that first squad has ended up and be at the pub with many of you come Saturday's fixture, hoping for the Marauders to take the win and the group, and continue their run to destiny.

Inagural Squad
Manager: Fortendale Florintine - Retired
Assistant: Michael Revtron - Institutionalized

Goalie
0 Martin St. Louis - Retired from international play, Starting at Raynor City Rockers of the EPL

Defenders
12 Dwier Titenburg - Retired - Assistant Manager of the National team
18 Liliam Kries - Retired from international play, Starting at Rinaldi Gunners of the EPL
48 Trans Manderine - Retired
13 Placibus Hardsworth - Starting of Fortress FC of Fort Europe

Midfield
9 Marsha Stone - Retired
22 Rick Cuellar - Retired from international play, Startin at Square Haven FC of Assegai Developments
24 Harden Swent - Retired
32 Samuel Tatum - Retired

Forwards
7 Kyla Night - Running the Night Academy in Raynor City, contemplating a return to international football
8 Zacharius - Retired, Co-running the Night Academy in Raynor City

Subs
50 GK Jeft Mathius - Retired
23 Clint Centron - Retired
11 D Fred Michaels - Starting at Gladerial Twilight of the EPL
17 D Ashley Walker - Retired
39 MF David Clemens - Deceased year 19,984 AE*
14 MF Justinian Constant - Retired, Manager of the National team
21 MF/AF Nikali Rikard - Starting at Hartdale Hawks of the EPL
1 AF Victoria Riot - Retired
33 AF Ryan Riftin - Starting at Monaven Breakers of the Star League
2 AF Daymon St John - Retired
5 MF/AF Kyle Collins - Retired

Valanora 4
Laborious Hawk (14, 48)
Ashley Riot (39)
Kiso Night (57)

Quakmybush 1
Ben Miller (25)

Article by Ron Santapa

* It's year 20,002 AE in Valanora

Vephrall

09-12-2007, 19:30

Thug suspended by manager for Bostopia match

SPEILERS -- Vephrall national team substitute defender Thug Umsaasad will not be allowed to play in Vephrall's final group stage match against Bostopia, team manager Umsaasad Pentove confirms.

Thug (referred to in this article by his first name to avoid confusion with the manager), who turns twenty in May, apparently attempted to bring down Jeruselem's Princess Katherine in the area as she attempted to score a goal by holding onto the Princess' shorts, an action that likely would have been punished by a penalty kick had the Princess not scored anyway. The defender held onto her shorts a bit too long, however, and Thug soon found himself holding the pair of pink shorts in both hands, but with the Princess no longer inside.

In a turn of events that surprised perhaps three of the 74,248 in attendance at Becugheralang, Princess Katherine was apparently not wearing underpants. This apparently bothered her very little, as she merely walked calmly over to Thug and requested the return of her shorts, which was granted.

"Such blatantly disrespectful behavior simply cannot be tolerated on this team," manager Pentove said in a press conference later that day. "Thug is a young person, and we all know from experience how hormones rage at his age, but he must understand there are consequences. Therefore, the VFR has agreed to bar him from taking the pitch against Bostopia in our final group stage match."

Thug remained in the locker room after most of the other players had gone, and we were able to speak with him. "To be honest with you," he said in what was probably meant as an off-the-record comment (though he never specified that, so we can print it anyway! -ed), "Coach is only doing it to look professional. He didn't mind one bit - hell, he's buying all my drinks when we head out to the bar tonight!"

Princess Katherine's goal turned out to be the deciding goal of the match, giving Jeruselem a 1-0 win.

Looking ahead: Bostopia

Unlike co-hosts Kura-Pelland, Vephrall is not yet eliminated from the competition. The conditions for the home team to go through are relatively simple, though still difficult: both Vephrall and Sel Appa must win their matches by at least two goals each.

Bostopia will not be an easy opponent for Vephrall to do this against. They upset Jeruselem on matchday one and fought very well against Sel Appa in a 2-3 loss, suggesting that they, unlike Vephrall, should indeed be in this Cup on their own merit. Manager Umsaasad Pentove is expected to name a mostly unchanged starting eleven, but with Ferrys Sorrah to start in place of a decidedly slumping Sorrah Wais on the front line. Substitute defender Thug Umsaasad is suspended for the Bostopia match, and defender Wendelors Rutako likely will also not play owing to an apparent calf strain.

It also has been reported that a large contingent of fans who were unable to get tickets to the Vephrall-Bostopia match and therefore bought tickets for Sel Appa-Jeruselem instead are expected to show up at Ellime Apenbast with a large letter 'H' painted on their chests. This is apparently as a protest of a consistent misspelling of the host nation's name in Jeruselem media as "Veprall", i.e. with a missing H. These fans will, of course, be supporting Sel Appa, who must win by at least two goals to give Vephrall a chance of advancing to the next round.

Zwangzug

09-12-2007, 19:34

"Live from Ellime Neoss, in Gloem, Vephrall, this is World Cup football."

"We've got Zwangzug versus Baz-uh-low-nee-uh here in group C. Zwangzug beat Ty-neel-ee-uh in its first game, while Bazalonia lost to...Guyz-en-freed? Is that right?"

"I don't have a clue, to be honest, but it's the trying that counts."

"So the right combination of results could theoretically send Zwangzug through with a game to spare. Kickoff in just a moment..."

"...Kanga saves and clears it, the Bazalope defense will take control."

"Georsophalous-or something like that, anyway-in possession. Reminiscent of Ursula Lauren for Zwangzug in some senses, has earned her way into the world stage and doesn't need to be noticed for her gender."

"Passes to Assington, Assington well in control. Barnes marks him, and Deguela will come up with it. Deguela passes to Olson, who shoots-Goal for Zwangzug! Olson puts Zwangzug up, one-nil!"

"...Chia cagily dribbles it out of Stings' reach."

"Over to Assington, who sends it forward to Frederick Hampstead."

"Now it's said that Hampstead hasn't scored an international goal-"

"Didn't he score one against Zwangzug last tournament?"

"He did indeed. Blind cutting-and-pasting can be dangerous, it seems."

"It...yes, I suppose it can, but-oh, Hampstead just scored..."

"...Vanderpent avoids the offsides call, looping back to be safely in front of Swift."

"Ruck pounding forward, passes to Vanderpent."

"Steven in midfield there might not have much to say, but he gets his job done efficiently and durably: he'd be on my short list for a future captain."

"Enlightening. Vanderpent hones in, shoots, and scores! Zwangzug retakes the lead!"

"...so Myfanwy stymied there."

"Faustino clears it, Deguela motoring over to take control."

"He tries to pass and run...in two different directions...Deguela tripped up a bit."

"But Stings dashes back to field it, he'll motor forward and shoot. Another goal: Zwangzug leads three-one!"

"...Still no score in Spielers. If Zwangzug makes it out of the group stage, they'll play a Group D team next."

"And that's looking increasingly likely: Tynelia shouldn't have much trouble with Geisenfried."

"Barons loses a step off the ball and Assington capitalizes."

"High pass to Yunn-"

"Ricky Yunn, that is: Thomas is in midfield."

"-who heads it in. 3-2 Bazalonia..."

"...combined with that Tynelia result, means Zwangzug has clinched its spot in the knockouts after just two games, for the first time."

"Almost as impressively, we managed a coherent and informative broadcast. What's with you today?"

"Well, I've given up on trying to get this computer to work here, so I figured I might as well put some effort into announcing. And that included just going with my best guesses on the pronunciation-if anybody has a problem, I can always change later."

"...Can we make this our home stadium?"

Alasdair I Frosticus

09-12-2007, 19:35

HOLY EMPIRE HERALD

REVENGE IS A DISH BEST SERVED WITH COLD LEEKS
Welsh Ninjas Defeat Archregimancy Nemesis

By Anna Comneno

Under normal circumstances, a match between Errinundera and the Holy Empire would have been a highlight of the World Cup, full of incident and drama as two of the most interesting nations in the tournament faced off against each other.

Unfortunately, with the Errinunderan media strangely silent, and the Holy Empire apparently engaging in some sort of sympathy sulk in support of their friends the Archregimancy, the 2-2 draw between the Potoroos and the Imperial squad passed without incident.

It was therefore something of a surprise that this reporter was allowed to travel to the Empire - Ad'ihan match to watch the Imperial Welsh Ninjas act out their revenge upon the very team that had narrowly eliminated the Archregimancy from the World Cup Qualifiers.

I can here exclusively reveal that the Imperial squad were fired up the night before the match through a rare performance of the ancient Welsh Noh play The Tale of the Mabinogion, a medieval tale originally sung by blind bards who accompanied themselves on the harp, and an important source of material for Noh, particularly ninja warrior plays.

The four Noh branches of the Mabinogion are said to be:

The Kami mono or waki nō, Pwyll Pendefig Dyfed (Pwyll, Prince of Dyfed) tells of Pryderi's parents and his birth, loss and recovery, and typically features the shite ninja in the role of a human in the first act and a deity in the second.

The Shura mono or asura nō, Branwen Ferch Llŷr (Branwen, Daughter of Llŷr) is mostly about Branwen's marriage to the King of Ireland. Pryderi appears as a ghost in the first act and a warrior in full battle regalia in the second, re-enacting the scene of his death.

The Katsura mono or onna mono, Manawydan Fab Llŷr (Manawyddan, son of Llŷr) has Pryderi return home with Manawydan, brother of Branwen. Pryderi is, curiously, often represented in a female role and this branch feature some of the most refined songs and dances in all of Noh.

The Kiri nō or oni mono, Math Fab Mathonwy (Math, son of Mathonwy) is mostly about Math and Gwydion, who come into conflict with Pryderi, and feature the shite in the role of monsters, goblins, or demons. This Noh is well-known for its fast-paced, tense finale movement.

The Holy Empire Football Association plans on re-playing the entire Noh Mabinogion cycle prior to the crucial Milchama match.

Bettia

09-12-2007, 20:53

Matchday two of the World Cup, and a storm was brewing in the Blessed Realm. No, nothing controversial was happening, and nobody was getting angry or even the slightest bit annoyed - in fact, spirits were high as the majority of its population was now out of plaster and the nation was literally getting back on its feet. No, today was the one day of the year when the weather was a bit crap. Strong winds and heavy rain were lashing the country, forcing many people to gather in the streets to watch the latest match wearing plastic macs of all sorts of colours (but not red).

Of course, there are plenty of places where one can watch the game without wet, and one such place is Pifton's own Pie & Pixie, that ever-so-popular sports café nestled comfortably on the High Street. Far from being wet, the atmosphere inside was anything but damp as its hundreds of customers sat round its HumugoScreen, cheering and singing as they watched their young heroes and heroines do their thing. After their cagey first match against Valanora, they'd got their campaign back on track with a sterling performance against the hosts Kura-Pelland.

As the match drew near its conclusion and with Bettia holding a comfortable 3-1 lead, huge shouts of excitement suddenly rang out as Akim al-Sikamiya wriggled free of his marker and cheekily chipped the ball over Stephen Hill's head to seal the deal. As he wheeled away to celebrate his last minute goal, the younger of the café's two owners sat at the front of the crowd, letting out an adoring sigh.

"Oh, he's so wonderful. Ain't he just the cutest?" she blurted.

Her sister Junilun, who had been sitting at the counter reading a newspaper, looked up at her in a questioning fashion.

"Just what do you mean by that?"

Fatarani looked at her and blushed. "I, erm... um..."

"Oh-ho, looks like somebody has a crush on young Akim!" Fat Evan teased.

"What?! No. I just want to sign him, that's all." she hastily explained. "He'd make a perfect centre forward for Pifton Rovers, and his pet arora is so sweet."

By this time Junilun had left her seat and had sauntered over, staring deeply into her sister's eyes whilst drawing a host of admiring stares from many of the younger male customers.

"You're lying!" she said to Fatarani. "Fat Ev's right - you're in love with him, aren't you?"

Fatarani said nothing.

"Fati?" Junilun said.

"Don't call me Fati. I'm not fat!"

"You do realise it would be a very bad idea for you to fall in love with that human, don't you? He's only a child, just like you."

"Hmph! Fatarani pouted, crossing her arms angrily. "I'm not a child, I'm two-hundred-and-fifty-two years old!"

"Exactly - the age difference would be insurmountable. He'd be dead before you were out of nappies."

"I don't wear nappies. Only human children wet themselves!"

"I thought you weren't a child!"

"Oh... oh.... nerrrrgh!" Fatarani said, sticking her tongue out angrily. Junilun laughed as she walked back to her seat.

"I'm only kidding sis! You ain't a baby." she said as she picked up her newspaper and started leafing through it once more. Suddenly, she let out a little giggle.

"What're you laughing at?" Fat Evan asked. Junilun held up the paper and pointed to a story titled OMGWTF?! LOLcat ofishul spk in Norn Betya!!!1!1!!

"It's that sudden spate of people speaking lolcat. So many people have chosen to carry on speaking it, the Nothern Bettian government are thinking about making it an official language!"

Fat Evan groaned and shook his head.

"Blimey! Can you imagine what a headache it'll be if we ever decide to go there and we need directions? 'Excuse me sir, could you direct me to the post office please?' 'Oh hai, yes. Iz remembrin it b rnd the crnr, 4 shur, on ur left. kthnxbye!'"

Junilun laughed once again. "And can you imagine what their footy chants'll be like? 'Ur guna gt ur fkin hed kikd in!'"

The loyal clientèle of the Pie & Pixie laughed as the final whistle blew, leaving Fatarani to pull out a small photo of Akim al-Sikamiya and blow a little kiss onto it.

"I don't care what they say - you are cute. In fact, I think I'll come out to Kura-Pelland and see you right now..."

Fixtures / Results

MD..OPPONENT................VENUE...RESULT

First Round, Group H

01: Valanora................Parwood....D 1-1
02: Kura-Pelland............Trilan.....W 4-1
03: Quakmybush..............Wulting....

MD..OPPONENT................VENUE...RESULT

Qualifying Group 8

FR: Az-cz...................Away.......D 4-4
01: The Archregimancy.......Away.......W 8-1
02: Tuaim...................HOME.......W 8-1
03: Vikingholm..............HOME.......W 4-0
04: Ad'ihan.................HOME.......L 1-2
05: Squornshelous...........Away.......L 3-4
06: Casari..................Away.......W 4-0
07: Spaam...................Away.......W 6-0
08: The Archregimancy.......HOME.......W 5-1
09: Tuaim...................Away.......W 4-1
10: Vikingholm..............Away.......W 6-2
11: Ad'ihan.................Away.......W 4-1
12: Squornshelous...........HOME.......L 4-5
13: Casari..................HOME.......W 3-0
14: Spaam...................HOME.......W 2-1

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K-P-V World Cup 38: RP thread - Page 2