NationStates Jolt Archive

Video room of the Landau Institute. Patients and doctors watching the game together. Important game for the Institute team.

PATIENT 1 - "The team seems good. It has speed, now that Selic and the monk are starters in the place of Quevedo and Navarro."

PATIENT 2 - "Yes, but I like Navarro's style of play. Maybe he could play in the place of Garrido..."

PATIENT 3 - "I don't know, Matoso is alone in the attack, The Machine should put Pitanguy to help him."

PATIENT 4 - "No, we are good in this formation, let's no destroy this."

PATIENT 5 - "We're close to score... Matoso and Selic play very well together."

(Suddenly, the giant screen (extremely giant, by the way) breaks. There is smoke. The patients and doctors are unable to see the game from the video room)

PATIENT 27,843,986 - "What happened? Where is the game?"

PATIENT 197,001 - "No! The television is broken! No!"

(There is panic. Some patients faint, others start to act in a strange way. The doctors can't control the situation)

PATIENT 1 - "I need to see the game. Game or death!! - (threatens to kill himself) - Please fix the television!!"

PATIENT 10,540,012 - "Television now! - (falls on the ground, unconscious)"

DR. ARMINIUM - "Someone help us! The situation is out of control!"

DR. LAPAZ - "We need to fix the television."

DR. GRUDS - "Call the technician! Call him now!"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Doctor Rogério Landau's personal room. One of his best friends, Father Jonas (former Doctor Ubiratan Carvalho), comes to talk with him. Landau is watching the game in his brand-new personal television.

FR. JONAS - "President, we have a problem."

DR. LANDAU - "What is? Another wrong medicine given to the patients?"

FR. JONAS - "No. It is something in the video room."

DR. LANDAU - "So, it must be serious."

FR. JONAS - "And it is."

DR. LANDAU - "So speak, Ubiratan! What happened?"

FR. JONAS - "The screen is broken."

DR. LANDAU - "The giant one?"

FR. JONAS - "Yes, boss."

DR. LANDAU - "Oh, no. This is bad, very bad. What is the situation?"

FR. JONAS - "The patients gone crazy."

DR. LANDAU - "But they already are crazy!"

FR. JONAS - "Just imagine the seriousness of the situation."

DR. LANDAU - "Other things?"

FR. JONAS - "Some patients are crying, others tried to kill themselves, others started running looking for a television. And the worst thing, there is a riot."

DR. LANDAU - "A riot in the video room?"

FR. JONAS - "Yes, a riot. They are controlling the video room, captured twelve of our doctors. We can't stop them, they're too many!"

DR. LANDAU - "How can we solve this problem?"

FR. JONAS - "Only one person can do it."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Video room. The patients dominated the room, capturing some doctors. A man comes with many tools.

DR. ARMINIUM - "Finally. He came to save us!"

DR. LAPAZ - "He is our hero."

PATIENT 2 - "Who is him?"

PATIENT 492 - "I don't know, he is coming."

PROF. TOLEDO - "Who called me?"

DR. GRUDS - "I did."

PROF. TOLEDO - "So, what is the problem?"

DR. ARMINIUM - "The television is broken."

PROF. TOLEDO - "I'll fix it in one moment."

PATIENT 8,391 - "Is he the technician?"

DR. GRUDS - "Yes, it is him. Professor Toledo, our official technician."

PATIENT 492 - "Finally, he came to save us!"

(Toledo fixes the screen. The patients and doctors return to see the game. The riot ends, everything goes back to normality)

The Angry Dragon
Turruth Gordur Wins Battle of Honor

Hours after the match between Turruth Gordur and Vikingholm, Turruth Gordur manager Gorgol “The Butcher” Harad was still beaming. “Vikingholm are truly the most honorable team we have ever played,” he said. “Much like us, they bring the pain. They bring the fury. Tonight’s game was the epitome of what football should be—two bands of warriors battling with every fiber of muscle until one stands victorious. Vikingholm, I salute thee.”

The rest of the Turruth Gordur squad was equally expressive, especially after both squads hit local pubs after the match for countless pints of ale so dark, it swallowed the night.

As expected, the match itself was a brutal affair. For the first time ever, Turruth Gordur faced a team that was willing to return or every physical attack and challenge without so much a thought. The first half was a spectacular battle of might between equally matched squads, battling for supremacy of the midfield.

After a scoreless first half, Turruth Gordur used a bit of guile on a through pass from midfielder Snaga Lagduf to defender Varg Vikernes, who had slipped up the side and streaked in toward Vikingholm keeper Sigured the Mighty, and chipped a shot over him as he scrambled forward to block Vikernes’ shooting angle.

Vikingholm, backed by a raucous crowd fought back with every ounce of strength they could muster, and finally, in the 70th minute, Þorstein the Red bowled over defender Ash Nazg and dribbled around a slide tackle from Huldah Sangria to slot in a shot past the outstretched arms of keeper Gorbag Madril.

The crowd went nuts.

However, it would be Turruth Gordur who would take the glory home. Forward Barnard Savage had to leave with a concussion and was replaced by Enid Bloodcrow, who, only 3 minutes into the game, scrambled past a wall of Vikingholm defenders on a free kick by forward Draco Glaurung to blast the rebound past Sigured the Mighty.

Vikingholm tried in vain to tie things up again, but Turruth Gordur was able to withstand the prodigious attacks from the resilient Vikings.

“After the treatment we received here, and being invited to visited glorious Valhalla—seeing as how we’re all soldiers of the Empire of Turruth Gordur—we can only hope to match the Vikings when they visit Turruth Gordur,” said team captain Glaurung. “Much respect to Vikingholm.”

Match Report

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/vikingholm.png [144] Vikingholm 1 = 2 Turruth Gordur [61] http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/turruth_gordur.png
VIK: Þorstein the Red (70’)
TG: Varg Vikernes (47’), Enid Bloodcrow (83’)
Y: None, R: None
Venue: Unknown (Capacity: Unknown) | Vikingholm

© The Angry Dragon

Some say that silence is golden, but I, Pselluso the Seer, who has seen all time and space revealed for a moment of eternity, know that the true colour of silence is as quicksilver. Silence is mercurial, liquid, both poison and cure.

So it was that with Tzimisces again absent, again withdrawn into silence, the Holy Empire crumbled at home to Rejistania, losing 2-3.

Where was the coach, the captain of our souls? Where had he gone?

Harken unto me, for I know all truth. He shall return, and with his coming we shall all be changed, the crooked shall be made straight, the rough places shall be made plain, and all football fans shall see it together.

He is ancient

He is legend

He is Juan Tzimisces

Fear him, for surely his time has come again.

But for today and for the morrow there shall be but silence - mercurial, liquid, both poison and cure.

As to whether the Holy Empire can qualify without him... this too I know. And I shall myself return with full voice when Tzimisces graces the pitch for this World Cup once more....

Kiryu-shi Gets Stomped

By Rebecca Doig

Vogsphere, Squornshelous It was a tough game all around for Kiryu-shi as they got demolished by a tough Squornshelous team, five one. It was obvious from the get-go that Kiryu-shi wasn’t in it, as they seemed to suffer from the effects of the loss of one of their best players, Bob Moya, in their last match. Their defense was a total mess, as they gave up all five goals in the first half. By the time the second half rolled around, Squornshelous had taken pity, it seemed, and eventually Pat Mayberry was able to score Kiryu-shi’s only goal of the match. All in all, it was a game to be forgotten for Kiryu-shi fans. Hopefully they’ll be able to rebound and have some success against Swilatia, although it certainly seems that they are on the brink of falling into a downward spiral.

Elven Times
Shooting The Lights Out

Not the prettiest of results, but it got the job done, which was bringing three points home from Atlantian Oceania, however there are plenty of concerns to be had despite the win. The defence continues to be very much a roller coaster ride, conceding three goals in a a single match after not allowing a goal in the first two matches. It continues to be the weakness of this supposedly great squad, that their defence fails them at the wrong times, and when they fail, they let the flood gates break with no concern for their hard battling teammates ahead of them. If not for a great first half offensive display, this could of very well ended up to be a horror story the likes of which the squad could of lost all their confidence and began the plummet towards the bottom of the barrel, much like Fmjphoenix did around four tournaments ago. Though they have since rebounded, to a point, it is far from the path that this squad deserves. If nothing else comes from this match, it will put the emphasis on rock solid defence to those players in the academy and wishing to get their chance at the national team.

While his defence was failing to impress anyone or protect St. Louis from a barrage of assaults, Kiso Night was a shining star. Two goals, thirty minutes apart and on both sides of the half, and it puts him with eight goals in the first six matches. Already on pace to put his mother's scoring and conversion ratior for the national team well behind him, the young elf is actually getting better. Unlike the previous tournaments, he's seeing plays before they actually happen, and getting into position to capitalize on them. I honestly think that Laborious Hawk's emergance as an enforcer as well as offensive threat in the middle has hastened this development by the nations son, and could spell absolute doom for the next generation of would be strikers for the nation. However, their chance may be quite near, as Rikard has yet to do anything worthy of note, and might be on his way out. Despite Anti Fresco and Ali Alidare impressing, both are quite young, where a striker like Zeph Yan Yin would be a fit replacement if he was to depeart after this tournament.

One final game before the halfway stage, and it's at the friendly confines of the Hatire Memorial against Prux. With the group well in hand, all the probable win will due is move the squad that much closer to clinching their spot in the tournament Proper, and be able to rest their regulars in the final qualifying matches, having them all the more refreshed for the Proper. Be that as it may, you can bet your bucket that the team will be ready, and not looking forward to being hosts to the respected sides of Az-cz and Bettia.

Elves Security Forces 4
Laborious Hawk (12)
Kiso Night (20, 50)
Jere Jannian (44)

Bushes Been Quaked 3
Striker #1 (34, 72, 90+)

Scorers
Kiso Night 8
Laborious Hawk 4
Ikles Razov 2
Jere Jannian 2
Rick Cuellar 1

Schedule
MD1: ESF v Audioslavia 5-0
MD2: Sativaville v ESF 0-1
MD3: ESF v Cookesland 2-2
MD4: The Crescent Republic v ESF 1-3
MD5: ESF v Wentland 2-1
MD6: Bushes Been Quaked v ESF 3-4
MD7: ESF v Prux
MQF: ESF v Az-cz
MQF: ESF v Bettia
MD8: Audioslavia v ESF
MD9: ESF v Sativaville
MD10: Cookesland v ESF
MD11: ESF v The Crescent Republic
MD12: Wentland v ESF
MD13: ESF v Bushes Been Quaked
MD14: Prux v ESF
PQF: ESF v Jeruselem

Article by Luna Santapa

Demot Daily ~ Swinging For the Fences

We have officially made our way back into contention, as we are in a three way tie for third, and just a point out of being tops in the groups. Maria Hart looks to be a godsend, as she is emerging as a solid striker despite being as young as she is. With her age, she may turn out to be the next Samantha Black or Sarah Ysman. If that were to happen, the squad might be able to squeeze themselves back into the top ten of the world, and perhaps even into contention for a possible title. While we are trying to keep ourselves grounded here, espicially after the humbling start to this campaign, she has shown the signs of greatness that every top class player shows and which the squad has lacked since Masteron retired and took over the managing gig for the national team.

Even though the Han is quite a strong new side, they Dynamo have rediscovered their class, as they put three past their oppenents, and held them in check for most of the match. Edmund Vorca reemerged as a superstar in the midfield, getting both assists on the Hart goals, as well as a goal of his own. The performance was such a dominant showing, and put the would be contenders back down to earth, that it really has the nation feeling confident about their national team again. With the debutants of Limbrogidlia coming in for the final match before the break in between the qualifying stages, the squad could put themselves on top of the group despite their poor start, and back into the position of where they control their own desitinies. Yet caution is too be had, as they have already upset their colonial masters of Oliverry, yet the swing of momentum is on the side of the Dynamo, and they should be able to ride it to three points. Also of note is that the Bazalopes of Bazalonia will be traveling to Demot for a friendly in the two week break between the qualifying stages.

Demot 3
Maria Hart (21, 30)
Edmund Vorca (56)

Han 1
Kim Daeeui (3)

Scorers
Maria Hart 6
Thoril Forgedawn 3
Edmund Vorca 2
Tony Stark 1

Schedule
MD1: Demot v Casari 0-3
MD2: Assegai v Demot 0-0
MD3: Demot v Endmile 1-2
MD4: Wehrmacher v Demot 0-4
MD5: Demot v Oliverry 4-2
MD6: Daehanjeiguk v Demot 1-3
MD7: Demot v Limbrogidlia
MQF: Demot v Bazalonia
MD8: Casari v Demot
MD9: Demot v Assegai
MD10: Endmile v Demot
MD11: Demot v Wehrmacher
MD12: Oliverry v Demot
MD13: Demot v Daehanjeiguk
MD14: Limbrogidlia v Demot

Article by Rich Baker

Recluse Island Stay In Contention

Recluse Island youngster Cleveland Farthing was handed a suprise start, and managed to score one goal and set up another in Recluse Island's 2-1 win away against Miceland.

The opener was scored in the 34th minute when defender Aaron Carle scored a header from a Cleveland Farthing corner.

Miceland managed an equalizer just before the break, causing the Islanders to come out for the second half full of determination.

The winner came in the 66th minute when Jose Sierra produced a neat back-pass to Cleveland Farthing, who the blasted the ball into the top corner of the net, securing the 3 points for the Islanders.

Recluse Island are still undefeated and are currently in 3rd place, just one point behind the top two.

"Okay, well let's go back to the Esua, The only way to know for sure what's the deal with this statuette."

"Agreed."

The 4 of them Dr Langhorn, Aesi Le, Luke and Professor Finkle started walking of into the dense jungle, Aesi Le leading the way back to the settlement where she and the Doctor fled to previously, this time the statuette in hand.

After some time they both finally arrive, and are welcomed back, noting the obvious difference in circumstances. Aesi Le introduces Luke and the professor to their welcomers as friends.

"We have an artefact that we would like to ask you about, we found it at the digsite." said the Dr presenting the statuette to the chief or Wygami equivalent.

"Come to my tent, and I will tell you a story, a story about a time long ago..."

This was indeed curious they all followed into the tent and sat down on the ground.

The Wygami leader started to weave a story, about a people with no home, a nameless people who had stumbled across the Wygami a long time ago, lead by a king they moved on from place to lace looking for a suitable place to settle, a land full of game a land where they could live their lives. The statuette was crafted in memorial of the meeting. It was said that a second one was also created and given to the king as a present. They sailed off to a distant land and where never heard of again.

HOST ANNOUNCEMENT
05:25 UTC, Thursday September 20, 2007

Due to real-life issues, followed by Jolt downtime, Matchday 7 and the mid-cup friendly break have been swapped. Today will act as the mid-cup friendly break, with matchday 7 tomorrow (21 September UTC), and no change to the schedule following.

Somewhere in the Royal bedroom of Crown Prince and Princess of Jeruselem ...

Richard: Wake up bike, you have go to training.
Kate: What what ... oh, training! What time is it?
Richard: Six thirty
Kate: Woah, hangover ...

Richard: You had a bit too much to drink last night.
Kate: Did I do anything stupid?
Richard: You passed out on during the party. You were quite entertaining during the party though.
Kate: Can't remember much ...

Richard: Same bad habits as your mother I see
Kate: She doesn't remember many of her parties either.
Richard: Well, we have to keep an eye on you, knowing your family history.
Kate: So why do you bring me to royal parties?

Richard: Oh, people complain too much how boring our parties are. Lots of old people standing around talking rubbish ...
Kate: So you needed a drunk underdressed teenage drunk
Richard: Err, no that's your mothers job but you seem to function in the same way.
Kate: I'd better have a bath and get ready for training then ...

Richard: I'll drive you there. You don't look like you're in a state to drive.
Kate: I feel wobbly still ...

<Later>

Kate Bush: There you are Kate! Don't look too flash.
Kate: I don't feel too flash either ...
Richard: Just a hangover, she'll be alright.
Kate Bush: When I was playing with your mother, she'd turn up a bit worse for wear sometimes.

Kate: I'd better get out there.
Kate Bush: Oh good news, Dinkie is out there.
Kate: Good stuff!
Kate Bush: Yes, it's good news. She's looking a lot better, like her old self.

"I've got a golden ticket! I've got a golden ticket!" Devan sang in an alarmingly terrible attempt at singing. "Look! I paid only $60 for it."

http://i141.photobucket.com/albums/r56/kelchek/footyticket.gif

"It's blue, moron." said Bob the Bookie, pouring over his accounting ledger.

"I've never figured out why an illegal bookmaker and loanshark keeps such detailed records."

"You've never figured out nothing. Now shut up." snapped Bob.

Haikus for the Friendlies

Ariddia

Pizelkaxrovsky
Final defeat delivered
by Ariddia

Kn-Dg vows revenge
Demands to start in friendly
Hat Trick Performance

Doesn't cure his rage
or get his friend a title
but will have to do

ESF

Gnomes play against Elves
The two nations first met in
Cup of Harmony

In that first matchup
Both teams were up and comers
Now both are powers

Final is 2-2
The Gnomes goals are ironic
Both scored by SoulElf

Miceland

Baptism of Fire
Saw the birth of rivarly
Between the two teams

They shared a close bond
Because of Winchestia
And yahoos found there

Gnomes triumphed at first
Miceland led for a small time
But Gnomes first to make the cup

Miceland disappeared
Finally they have come back
But they lose the match

Different species
Friendly off the pitch but on
Az-cz Dominates

"...and so it ended up being yet another loss for Vephrall, two goals to one. With only one win in six games, I think we can pretty much forget about qualification at this point."

Hahnea Latissle turned off the TV.

"No respect. We're out there working our asses off, and we get no respect from the media whatsoever. I mean, come on, we played friggin' Az-cz! It would've been nice to win, sure, but they need to face facts, there are better teams out there."

There was silence in the locker room for a few minutes. Even goalscorer Thwante Uambe's mood seemed to have been tempered. He had managed to seize a huge opportunity at the second half kickoff due to a miscommunication in the Gnomes' defense to give his team a 1-0 lead. Suddenly, Dings Dings, possibly the most forgotten man on the squad, jumped up.

"I've got an idea," he said.

Waiting for the puzzled "who the hell are you?"s to die down, he told the squad of his plan to make the Vephrese media finally respect them as the heroes they truly were. When he was done, there was again silence. Finally, Preptyrs Scunt responded.

"That is without question the strangest thing I've heard this month. How in the hell did you come up with an idea like that?"

"Well, my grandmother's half-Casaran..." he offered.

The team nodded. No further explanation was necessary. Not yet, anyway. They might find that they would have some explaining to do to the police, though.

* * * *

Vephrall national team manager Ostalir Pasarap has announced that all his normal first-teamers would be available to play against Estresse Intenso, with the exception of Sorrah Wais, who still has one match remaining on his international suspension. Pasarap refused to respond to any additional questions about the team or about the possibility of the VFR removing him from his post in the near future.

Final score
VEPHRALL 1 (Uambe 46')
Az-cz 2 (EE-Or 63'; El-Iot 81')

Chairs clattered into the ground as Jeremy scrambled to climb the dressing-room wall.
"Where is it?!" he cried, grabbing a nearby air vent. "Who the fuck has been here?!". His players looked at him bemusedly as he ripped apart the air conditioning machine. Auren O`Connor, who had just two minutes ago scored the goal that had pulled Audioslavia level against Prux, gave Jeremy a sympathetic, if patronising glance and asked his manager what on earth it was he was so desperate about.
"Somebody", started Jeremy, "some FUCK of a somebody", he paused for breath, giving the air vent an accusatory glance as he did so, "has put something in the air". His players glanced at each other. Somebody coughed. Jeremy's eyes went wider. "You mean you haven't noticed? Somebodies been in here before the game and filled the air with opium, or spiked our drinks with LSD, or something!".
"Why?" asked Auren, who was beginning to realise that the boss may not have indeed been joking. "Why? How? But..." he was interupted by Jeremy's banging of his fist on the east wall.
"Can't you see? Have you been watching? Haven't you realised?" asked Jeremy, furiously, incredulously, punctuating each question with a bang on the wall. "I don't know if you've realised, Auren, but there was a man out there..."
"Yes.." said Auren
"A ppayer out there, in a Prux top"
"Yyyeess..." chorused the team
"In one of those red tops, there was a player who... who...". The team waited impatiently. Jeremy took a deep breath.
"Who looked like, or was, in fact...", another pause, this time slightly more infuriating, "was, in fact, a FUCKING THREE METRE TALL REPRESENTATION OF THE SYMBOL FOR PI!".
This sentence, while usually expected to garner some sort of incredulous response when used in normal conversation, yielded nothing but eleven blinks from his footballers. A voice drifted in from the back of the group.
"...and?"
Jeremy's shoulders slumped.
"You mean you knew all along?"
"Yes", chorused the team
"About this... this greek symbol"
"Yes", chimed the players again. Jeremy paused.
"...and the walking pie?"
"Pies R. Squared, not a bad player, in all fairness", came Evander Feateigh's reply. Auren gave a small shrug, before his brow furrowed, and he turned to his manager.
"You mean..." he started, "you didn't do your research?". Everyone's brows furrowed. Jeremy turned red.
"Erm... well..." he started. He didn't really have an excuse for that, and this was probably the reason his team were struggling so much against the men from Prux. Before he could open his mouth to grovel, however, there was a knock on the door, and a voice, the referee's, calling the team out for the second half. "Well," continued Jeremy, "good luck guys, sock it to 'em eh lads?".
The manager recieved his due amount of unimpressed glances from the players on their way out.

FINAL SCORE
Audioslavia 1
Prux 1

A black suited, sunglasses wearing man steps into a darkened office where another similarly dressed man sits looking into his laptop's screen at his desk. looking up the seated man addresses the other.

"Yes Agent Jones. How goes the experiment?"

"Well Agent Smith, there is a downward trend of 12% in the population's support of the president's decree to completely blackout all news and information regarding Tynelia's efforts this world cup."

"12% Jones? Our experts predicted only a 7% drop. Explain."

"Yes sir. It seems the resignation of former Coach Jay Masterson in protest over the action has accounted for the additional 5%. His claims that the people need to be able to follow their team has struck a chord with some based on the recent successes under his leadership."

"I see. I shall talk to our analysists for not factoring this into the equation. Has Agent Adams performed as projected as his replacement?"

"Yes sir, aboslutely no information has come out of the team camp. No word on injuries, penalites or even subsitutions has gotten out. In fact even the idenities of our players are a secret. Which might be a good thing sir."

"Why is that Jones?"

"Because sir, people might be further angered if it was made known that most of the team is brand new this season. Sporting heros and all that."

"I see. Well it is the president's decision that those soccer loving religious nutbags were getting too vocal too fast and deemed this a necessary step in squelching their progress. If the players are not happy that's too bad. How is the team doing?"

"Well sir, thanks in part to Agent's Adams' satellite hookup with his on field laptop and our 'research' satellites he has been able to gather information on all our opponnents' strategies and tactics. As a result the team is 5-1-0 with one match before the halfway point. Records indicate no team has ever done better."

"Excellent the president will be pleased. Perhaps if this proves successful you may be promoted to Smith rank Agent Jones."

"Thank you Agent Smith. Might i propose a promotion as well for Agent Adams? He would make a fine Jones."

"As long as he gets through this cup successfully with no trace of our extra cirricular activities brought to light it will be taken under advisement. One last thing. You are certain that no one has followed you here or is secretly recording this conversation correct Agent Jones? It might ruin everything if word of this leaked out."

"No sir i was not followed on my way here. Secruity has been maintained."

"Very well, dismissed Agent Jones."

"Yes sir."

((ooc- let's see if that jinxes me now ;) ))

CCFM SPLITS NATIONAL TEAM IN TWO FOR THE FRIENDLIES
(Only for the friendlies, of course)

As the Monopolists arranged two friendlies to be played during the qualifiers, the CCFM had to make a different decision. The main National Team was split in two, and received some players that weren't in the NT (appearing in the line-ups in blue) added in the two teams to complete 18 players in each. The entertainer of the team was chosen as the second coach of the team.

After the friendlies against Assegai Developments (away) and Sel Appa (home), the team will return to be the old one.

Cafundéu - formation for the game...

...against Assegai Developments: Lauro, Gray, André Luís, Eduardo Monte and Carlão; Anormal, Vergara, Rato and Marcelinho; Heitor and Ferreira.
Coach: Serginho Mallandro.

Bench Players: Moisés (G), João Carlos (D), Coelho (D), Silveira (DM), Carlos Magno (AM), Assis (AM) and Robinson (A).

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

...against Sel Appa: Júnior, Léo Mattos, Toninho, Chico Serra and Lobato; Wilson Magrão, Carioca and Dário; Flecha, Tramontina and Aristóteles.
Coach: Franz Braddock.

Bench Players: Boizão (G), Alemão (D), Nunes (D), Del Valle (DM), Da Silva (AM), Wissen (AM) and Senna (A).

Out of the games: Souza (injured), Neto (didn't want to play) and Tales (punished by the coach).

Gorgol “The Butcher” Harad glanced off into space and sighed to himself. Memories of Turruth Gordur’s trip to Vikingholm and Valhalla were still fresh in his mind. With one more tight-lipped sigh, The Butcher lowered his head and sauntered over to where his team was running drills.

“Keep it going strong, now,” he urged the players. “We don’t want a repeat of what happened against Capitalizt SLANI; Squornshelous is a strong squad. Sure, we’re physically stronger and we can smash them all over the field, but we need to beat them on the scoreboard, more than anything.”

The Butcher knew that the team was facing an uphill climb the rest of the way in qualifying and would likely miss out on the Proper—again. But, games are played on the pitch, not in a computer program, the thought to himself.

That evening, during the team’s dinner, he posted the starting roster for the Squornshelous match.

Formation: 5-3-2
Bias: -2

Roster (starters in bold):
GK:
Gorbag Madril –– Valendia F.C. (Assegai Developments)
Runk Kronk –– Karndrâgh F.C
Bartholomew Dalison –– F.C. Ronkûrz Gropor Graves

DEF:
Boldog Gothmog –– S.C. Vagrant Hills (Assegai Developments)
Varg Vikernes –– F.C. Ronkûrz Gropor Graves
Huldah Sangria –– Timorlug Wargs
Ash Nazg –– S.C. Vagrant Hills (Assegai Developments)
Durbah Tulúk –– Karndrâgh F.C.
Bruna Garvel –– F.C. Mordoraz Dâgalûr
Sharku Warg –– F.C. Mordoraz Dâgalûr

MID:
Magda the Forsaken –– Karndrâgh F.C.
Snaga Lagduf –– F.C. Ronkûrz Gropor Graves
Artok Brocas –– F.C. Ronkûrz Gropor Graves
Shagrat Grishnákh –– Timorlug Wargs
Anglachel Beleg –– Karndrâgh F.C.
Uglúk Dramborleg –– F.C. Mordoraz Dâgalûr
Ivo Compton –– Timorlug Wargs

FWD:
Draco Glaurung –– Mar Sara Flames (Elves Security Forces) Captain
Dagor Bragollach –– F.C. Capri (Elves Security Forces)
Gromper Grîpper –– Karndrâgh F.C.
Barnard Savage –– F.C. Mordoraz Dâgalûr
Mauhúr Muzgash –– Timorlug Wargs
Enid Bloodcrow –– F.C. Ronkûrz Gropor Graves

He had chosen to field a defensive wall and pushed his players back. If Squornshelous wanted to score, they would go through Hell for it. Turruth Gordur’s defensive gauntlet was ready.

----

Upcoming Match

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/turruth_gordur.png [61] Turruth Gordur =V= Squornshelous [14] http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Squornshelous.png
Venue: Timorlug Dome (Capacity: 80,000) | Turruth Gordur

Arridia's match post-poned!

Today it was announced that the day off planned and Matchday 7 will switch places. The flight to Arridia wasn't able to be post-poned as well so the Geese spent a day in a country with a moneyless economy.\

The Geese had to use Arridian Credits due to the strange system of giving what you can and taking what you need and therefore tourists having to use Arridian Credits the currency of the officially moneyless Arridia.

It looks like some interesting teams and/or countries have been drawn into Uiri's group. The Soccer player's have admitted to being nervous about playing against the previous world champion's but the coach dismisses the notion that they will not play as well as normal tomorrow.

Due to the fact that the team has hopped from away-to-away we were not able to get an interview with one of the player's. Our Fot Bal crew was stuck in one of the two countries although which one is hard to tell.

In a remotely related story, PINA, the public broadcasting (yes, most countries have public broadcasting corporations) of Arridia will be interviewing citizens in Gogari to find out why they love the best socio-economic system in the world.

Mikaela Eyre turns to wave at a huge throng behind her. They roar and begin chanting her name.

“Good afternoon, Assegai Developments! This is Mikaela Eyre reporting live from the lobby of The Great Cathedral, where Assegai supporters are enjoying drinks and entertainment just a few minutes before the gates to Cathedral Park are opened.

“Once again, all the seats are sold out, including the 5,000 seats that were allocated to the delegation from Cafundéu, Assegai’s opponent in tonight’s exhibition match…”

Suddenly, the throng behind her grows louder and they begin singing together…

WE ARE ASSEGAI, AND WE ARE HERE TO FIGHT! WE ARE ASSEGAI, AND WE’RE HERE TO DRINK AND CUSS, BE LOUD AND PROUD, AND WE’RE HERE TO FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! WE ARE ASSEGAI! WE ARE ASSEGAI! OOOOHH OOOOH WE ARE HERE TO FIGHT!

They break into individual roars and Mikaela turns back to the camera.

“The atmosphere down here is incredible! You’d think Assegai was playing for the World Cup itself from the raucous display here today.” Mikaela turns to a huge flat screen monitor located high above the lobby, as Assegai team captain Ashley Riot’s image comes into view. “Good afternoon, Ashley, thanks for joining us this afternoon,” she tells him.

The crowd roars loudly and begins chanting his name…

RIOT! RIOT! RIOT! RIOT! RIOT! RIOT! RIOT!

Ashley acknowledges the crowd with a nod and raises his fist with a smile.

“Ashley, the team has done well so far in qualifying, and for that, congratulations!”

The crowd roars in agreement.

Ashley smiles and mouths “Thank you” to everyone.

“What about tonight’s match, Ashley?” she asks. “Assegai has never played against Cafundéu, but it’s known that they’re a very difficult team. What are we to expect tonight?”

Ashley nods. “Well, we have a lot of respect for the Cafundéu side; ranked No. 18 in Nation States, they’ll allow us to gauge our current squad’s skill and form against a quality side. Win or lose, we’ll benefit greatly from this game, and we hope that Cafundéu shares our sentiments, because we’re going to hit the pitch with the confidence to topple giants.”

The crowd roars in agreement again and begins singing…

WHEN I DIE..WHEN I DIIIIE… BURY ME WRAPPED IN THE FLAG OF ASSEGAI! WHEN I DIE!

“Moving,” says Mikaela, wiping tears from her eyes. “Well, we wish you the best tonight, Ashley!”

“Thanks, everyone,” says Ashley raising his fist again. “We’ll see if we can make Cathedral Park shake tonight.”

The crowd roars louder than before, drowning out everything else in the lobby of The Great Cathedral.

“Well, before we go off the air,” yells Mikaela over the din, “we’re going to post the roster than Assegai manager Blackout has announced for tonight’s match, which we are told will include many newcomers to the National Team getting their first starts. This is Mikaela Eyre signing off for now; see you after the game!”

The roster pops on screen…

Formation: 4-3-3
Bias: + 1

Goaltender
#1 Amphelice Morley – (Square Haven F.C.)

Defenders
#4 Francis Rowe – (Sutina Saints, Fort Europe)
#79 Elizabeth Cary – (Square Haven F.C.)
#21 Gilda Rampston – (Square Haven F.C.)
#25 Stephen Maison – (Valendia F.C.)

Midfielders
#30 Joanna London – (F.C. Cross Wind)
#10 Ashley Riot (C) – (Rinaldi Gunners, Elves Security Forces)
#6 Nichol de Malyns – (F.C. Ronkûrz Gropor Graves, Turruth Gordur)

Forwards
#11 Raff Savage – (Square Haven F.C.)
#20 Samantha Neesa – (Char Sara Inferno, Elves Security Forces)
#18 Philip Adamson (Square Haven F.C.)

Reserves
Goaltenders
#42 Akihiko Yoshida – (Rinaldi Gunners, Elves Security Forces)
#0 Edward van de Beauchamp – (A.C. Leá Monde)

Defenders
#70 Barnard Mallowburne – (S.C. Vagrant Hills)
#2 A.J. Durai – (A.C. Leá Monde)
#33 Giles Fitzwillyam – (Timorlug Wargs, Turruth Gordur)
#3 William Downer – (F.C. Cross Wind)
#35 Anne Saye – (Fort Lakaria City, Fort Europe)

Midfielders
#69 Fleur Delacour – (Valendia F.C.)
#31 Alys Spicer – (Valendia F.C.)
#32 Agatha Denys – (Gladerial Twilight, Elves Security Forces)
#45 Duane Grissom – (Kibuye F.C., The Interahamwe)

Forwards
#33 Viktor Krum – (Valendia F.C.)
#19 Ursula Goode – (Cathedral Spooks D.C.)
#5 Severus Snape – (F.C. Capri, Elves Security Forces)
#9 Esmour Smyth – (Karndrâgh F.C., Turruth Gordur)

3 games in a short period of time....

The first was against Miceland....

"And Welcome to the CBBC Dome where the Miceland Mauraders have come to Play Bazalonia, not only that but the Mice are also at the moment playing simultaneously with our friends from across the Sea, the gnomes of Az-cz. The formalities have just been completed and the teams are heading out onto the field, this is expected to be a romp for the Bazalopes but it's more of a welcome back to the international footballing scene by the current World Cup Committee President, James Gaines who is reported to be somewhere in the crowd."

"I can't see."

"Neither can I, but it's time for the match to get underway..."

*92 minutes and 5 Bazalonian Goals later*

"And what a dominating performance by the Bazalopes the poor mice never had a chance against, the unranked side versuses the 15th in the world it was a mis-matched performance if ever I saw one. And now apparently both teams are heading off to an unknown location."

"What for? we have no idea we only know that both will be going, however I have a theory that it has something to do with the WCC President himself James Gaines."

----

"What's this and Mauraders, Hank? First we had the Marauders from Miceland and now the Demot Mauraders. What's going on?"

"Uh, it's Demot Dynamo... ESF, or Valanaar or whatever they call themselves now are the mauraders."

"Oh, so you're going to the game?"

"Heck, yeah, I got my tickets and everything."

"Let's have a look... wow... What time did you say it was on?"

"Oh, in about 2 hours."

"Havent'y you forgotten daylight Savings? That's in an hour."

"Crap, better go I need a seat and to get snacks.... I hope I can get there in time."

And that he was, he entered Stadium Verona just as the kick was made, he was treated to a high quality game, the 2 teams battled it out, it was practically split 50% down the entire match it was only luck, or perhaps a bit easier of a shot, eitherway the Bazalopes left the match 3-2, one up on Demot.

-----------

The Autocephalous Iconodulistic Orthodox Church of Bazalonia (AIOCB) went out of their way to welcome their Orthodox brothers to Bazalonia before the game, they had even found a suitable monastry for them to stay at near Cantinople, they'd play in the SeaBazalope Arena.

The time would come where the Bazalopes and the Monks from the Dreamed Realm were to do battle on the field of play.

The match started as the referee took charge, not that there was much to take charge about but there was certainly the feeling that the referee was in charge, watching, seeing knowing everything that happened on the field, blowing whistles and only once gave a yellow card to Xia. The match wore on, as the Bazalopes became slugglish, their grueling friendly schedule wore them down, it was surprising that the Monks weren't able to score more but a nice friendly 1-all draw was acheived.

The RP cutoff for MD7 is now upon us. The scores will arrive shortly.

There was not much else to do, using their magical abilities the Mice had created an alternate timeline in synch the traditional time line, the affect was that the mice could be in 2 places each without wearing them down, They played at Home against the gnomes, a team which the mice would for-ever be friends with.

The Gnome's arrived and where scaled to an appropriate size, they would be scaled to be in rough equivalency with the mice, the same size that humans would be. When comingto miceland the issue of racial size differences are negated every creature wether Human, mouse, gnome or alien.

Perhaps it was the stadium, or perhaps it was being shrunk, whatever it was the gnomes started off quite poorly leaving the goal open for the mice to charge through and open the scoring in the 12th minute.

However it didn't take long for the gnomes to get back on their game, however it was hard mentally to come back from 1-0 down t an unranked team. The first goal fro the gnomes was in the 40th minute which started the demise of the team. Further goals in the 56th and 79th minutes sealed the mice's fate.

----

What could be said about the game itself, not much other than it was a complete romp for the home team, that being Bazalonia 5-0, but what is of more interest to us is what happened after the match...

The two teams were taken in a single bus, there was plenty of room for just the players for both teams. They arrived at a hotel and where shunted into a convention room. Inside was James Gaines and a few other officials from the BFSA where standing aorund including Andrew Coulter who had amazingly been staying out of the news headlines.

"On behalf of the BFSA, and the soccer public I would like to welcome Miceland back into the soccer fraternity." Andrew said.

"And welcome to Bazalonia.." said James as he extended his hand to shake the paws of the miceland team.

That was the extent of the formalities, otherwise another 20 minutes where held with the players eating, drinking and talking. It was only 20 minutes because all the players had to go and have a shower.

(OOC: this post may contain some swearing)

"I have no fucking idea how you sorry sonabithces did it, but We're in First Place. The way you looked out there against Billopesha, you should be in last fucking place! Giving up a goal in the 5th fucking minute? and not scoring until the 76th minute and some-fucking-how getting the winner in the 90th? THAT SHIT AIN'T GONNA CUT IT! I wanna see some fucking balls-to the wall attacking. This team is supposed to be one of the best attacking teams int he world and we've scored what... 13 goals in 7 fucking matches? And ..." Coach Fowler was interuppted by a loud knocking at the door.

Upon the door being opened, two men in black suits and sunglasses, each wearing headpieces came in and promptly pointed to Fowler.

"Sir, come with us right now, so we don't have to do this in front of your team." The one on the left said.

"DO WHAT YOU FUCKING MORONS? Can't you see I'm in the middle of something?" Fowler screeched.

"Sir come with us now, or else it won't be pretty. We don not want to cause a disturbance." The man on the right said.

"FUCK YOU, I'M NOT GOING ANYzzzzzzt" Fowler began to say before he was Tazered by the man on the left, crumpling to the floor.

"Fine we have to do it the hard way. Under the terms of the extridition treaty Jeruselem has with Billopesha, Jason Fowler, you are hereby under arrest for bail-jumping, failure to show in court and illegally traversing in Jeruselem while using diplomatic immunity. Not to mention the other charges against you for stalking and illegally videotaping Princess Kathernine Dallas." The man on the right said while helping the other man pick up and carry out the coach.

"Oh my fucking god... What now?" Ty Reed said after teh men left, as he turned and saw no-one had an answer.

(ooc: Assistant Coach Rex Hill will take over caoching duties until the end of the World Cup or the situation involving Jason Fowler is sorted out.)

GOALS:
Qazox:
Tomas Richter (4): 76'
Wesley Tripp (1): 90'
CARDS:



NSWiki for Qualifers: http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Qazox_at_World_Cup_37_Qualifing

PRUXTON PRESS

Gold, Silver and Bronze

Prux stuns #3 ESF at Hatire Memorial in ESF 2-2 as the Prawns finish up the first half of qualifers.

Golden Moment: When the Sphinx manged to score in the 86th minute to tie the match up at 2-2. The shot was set up when 007 was pulled down in front of the goal by ESF's Mathias Nickel, who was given a Yellow for the infraction.

Silver Moment: 007's 6th goal in 7 matches in the 70th minute, as 007's shot on goal seemingly had a goldeneye as it slipped past Nickel and the ESF keeper Jacob St. Louis. The goal made it 2-1 and breathed new life into the Prawns.

Bronze Moment: John Jacob Jinglehimer-Schmidt's diving head deflection in the 40th minute off the leg of ESF's Nikali Rikard, who had scored the first two goals of the match in the 10th and 17th minutes. JJSS' amazing dive deflected the ball over a open net, setting up a corner instead of a third goal.


So come the first half break and with it a Freindly against the Hosts of the BoF we recently won, Sel Appa. Prux hopes to win the match, giving them momentum into the second half of qualifing.

Prux' Scoring this match:
007: 70'
The Sphinx: 86' (PK)

Prux' Overall scoring: (11 goals)
007: 6
Pi R. Squared: 2
The Sphinx: 2
Pies R. Round: 1

Overall Record so far for Prux:
1 win-3 draws-3 losses 6 points, last in group 2 with a -6 goal differental.

PRUXTON PRESS

Turtles eat Prawns for Lunch

Sel Appa comes back after trailing 0-1 to Prux as they win a close match 2-1.

MIQUELINHO provided both goals in the second half in the 47th and 85th minutes in a match that was closer than what most expected. Prux got the first goal by Pi R. Squared in the 14th minute, but the Turtle's hard shell of a defense kept them from scoring the rest of the way.

Kansiovian Defeat

The 2-1 loss over Az-cz, the greatest rivals in the qualifying round was rather shocking to many Kansiovian fans. They could have put up a better fight however, the lone goal by Rudi Jarebwoski (5 goals so far for him) did not give a great victory over their rivals. "Group 10 is a close and tough group, it would need a stroke of luck and skill to get past this group." said Ruliev Juskily, coach of the Kansiovian Football team.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/ariddia.png Ariddia 4-0 Uiri http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/uiri.png

Ariddia finally tops group

A friendly defeat against Az-cz was perhaps the shock needed for the Rouge-et-Noirs to redouble their efforts and fight their way into the lead of their qualifying group. Jane Sanderson had fielded the backup eleven (Moboka, E’it, Isaacs, Tonnelier, Petras, Ewe, Chichirua, Thomas, Asu, Bernard and Takahara) against the Gnomes. She said afterwards that fielding the “B-team” was no excuse or justification for losing (1-3).

“There aren’t eleven Rouge-et-Noirs, there are twenty-three,” she said. “Each and every one of them earned his or her place on the highest-ranked team in the world. That means the B-team is supposed to be one of the world’s best. The Ariddian bench most be top qualitity. Our loss to Az-cz happened because the Gnomes played extremely well, of course, but it also highlighted difficulties we need to face.”

The match against Uiri took place at Haven-Port-Nouveau Stadium.

“Uiri has an interesting history and political system,” a local Haven newspaper reported. “Just like Ariddia, the Uiri nation has been forged primarily by an indigenous population along with francophones and anglophones.”

The match itself provided an opportunity for the Rouge-et-Noirs to reassert themselves, which they did with skill and confidence. The Ariddian defence was solid, Tu Wesh guarded his goal cage flawlessly, and the Rouge-et-Noirs scored two goals in each half (Et 35’, Clocher 41’, Et 64’, Asu 76’) for a morale-boosting 4-0 win.

The Ariddia-Uiri match had pitted the two Group 11 leaders against each other. Consequently, as the first half of qualifying comes to a close, Ariddia is in first place. Rejistania moves into third with a narrow but sufficient 1-0 victory over St Samuel, while the Holy Empire suffered a shock five-all draw to Sorthern Northland in an incredible match, dropping to fourth.


Sishelewe dig thieves arrested

Police have announced the arrest of five men charged with stealing from the archeological dig near Sishelewe. They were found in possession of items belonging to Dr. Trevor Langhorn; the police has not provided specifics. The men are reported not to be Ariddians, although their nationality has not been revealed.

Arrests of any kind are rare in Ariddia, a country which prides itself on the almost complete absence of crime. The case, linking theft with 7th century unusual archeological findings, has attracted nationwide interest.

The flight home from The Crescent Republic was long. It gave Jeremy the chance to think. Two-two, away to a team of equal ranking, was not, he figured, a bad result. To throw away a two-goal lead, however, sucked more ass than the IDASISASWPAMSFA*. Jeremy's whiskey found its way to his lips again. He liked it when it did that. That warm, passive stage of drunkeness that can only be attained when drinking a matured red wine or a finely aged whiskey, that leaves your conscious self as merely a very comfortable entity in possession of sensationless attatchments that deliver your drink to you with what feels like the grace of a gold service waiter, but to onlookers appears more like a stoned iguana with an inner ear infection. This, of course, was probably the greatest whiskey ever made. Pre-War Audioslavia had always been at the forefront of the world of alcohol brewering. Piss-heads the world over heralded the Audioslavians as their favourite beer brewering nation, quaffing such creations as Callumens ale, Old Bitch cider (a cloudy scrumpy that had a good chance of having a higher percentage ABV than the brain cells of the person drinking it, especially after the second or third pint) and, most famously, Coaters, an extra thick stout made with oatmeal that tasted like a Guinness flapjack and was responsible for the majority of Audioslavia's pre-war tourism income. Jeremy, however, cared not for beer. Whiskey (yes, the Audioslavians spelt it with an 'e', and will duly be punished when the time comes) was JJ's vice and, a few weeks ago, he'd struck pure gold.

As any decent barman will tell you, whiskey, unlike wine, ages in the cask, not in the bottle. The aging process refines the drink, removing its impurities and enhancing the flavour. Any whiskey under five years old will taste like mud and anything between five and ten years old will need to be drunk with a cola or ginger ale to prevent the drinker's teeth from folding over their gums, which is a common reaction to drinking bad whiskey neat. Whiskeys older than ten years (and the older the better), if made correctly, can help the drinker attain the state of mind we left Jeremy in about three paragraphs ago (football fans reading between these parastheses are applauded for their patience, and will be rewarded in the afterlife. Just stealthily insert the word 'onion' into your next RP and St. Peter will put you on the list). The older the whiskey, the greater the chance of reaching nirvana, and nirvana was where Jeremy thought he was now. Caylerden, the old gaelic district of Audioslavia and one of the first casualties of civil war, was home the nation's best known distilleries. Far out of the way of the county's cities and urban areas, hundreds of these small traditional distilleries dotted the landscape, and it hadn't taken Jeremy too long to find one still intact. A long night of bottling later, and Jeremy had begun to feel that, finally, he had the tools to acclimatise to life in post-war Audioslavia after all.
"O`Brien's finest whiskey", he muttered to himself, "aged seventy-five years". In the rows behind him, the players, his players, who probably should have got a result in The Crescent Republic, were it not for an appalling lack of guidance from a strangely off-colour Jeremy Jaffacake, were in whispered conversation. They weren't at all happy.

*Insanician Donkey Appreciation Society Incorporating Straw-Appreciating Spaamanians for World Peace and More Staws For All

The Doctor, the Professor, the Archivist and the PhD Student pondered.

"You should have this," the Doctor said to the tribal eldar, "it is obviously part of your tribal history and it belongs with you."

"Thank you for the story, though I don't think it will help us trying to find out what we wanted."

"Well, thank you, we should be going."

The elder nodded in acknowledgement as the 3 Bazalonians and the PhD Student got up and left, after some time they arrived back in town to find all the hubub going on in regards to the crime, it was apparently something of a rarity. The items were returned to the Doctor. "Vefore I take you to the site in Bazalonia where I found the documents you are interested in, I need to finish up here, we're nearly done. We've got a bit more digging that we're allowed to do and then it's a matter of getting these organised and archived, Luke, I suppose this is the most fortuitious of happenstances.

"Okay, I'll help."

"Thank you so much."

"Hey what's going on in the World Cup?

"The Bazalopes are in 3rd place behind Northern Bettia."

"BAh, you can bet those fire ants cheated or bribed someone somehow."

"Well, either way the results stand."

The Albrecht Herald
Job done as Big Blues cling to group coattails
By Tracker Edwards

The absence of any C&M goals in the last three competitive games will surely worry boss Mark Baker, but his charges were as professional as you like in Yafor 2. Shorn of the injured Speed Wang, Jos Cornelisse and Luis Felipe Cassumba Domingos; Baker could have found himself with a selection nightmare but instead mixed and matched wisely to put together a serviceable side that frustrated the Yaforites all afternoon.

The Golden Wolves side put out by Gerod Flamer in Ajer suffered themselves from a somewhat negative outlook that has thus far served them surprisingly well at home with confident victories over Miamoria, Jeruselem and Rastafariburg, but they could find no answer to the stubborn C&M XI playing both Ben Head and Juan Carlos Revault in midfield. With Yafor’s own central pair of Mosada Juhan and Prince Sebard also offering little in the way of forward momentum, the real battle for the game was out on the wings; with young Vashil Nahanor often getting the better of the re-instated Joey Pipes on C&M’s left but O’Sullivan Caras the superior of Hierna Klienta.

On a day in which C&M, perhaps wisely, were unwilling to stray beyond the half-way line; Caras was the central figure in the attack. It was hot in the Zydrakos Dome, conditions in which many of his team-mate can wilt, but the Caires City winger thrived; making light work of the Yaforite’s often narrow midfield. He provided C&M with their earliest, and arguably best, chance of the game; knocking the ball past left-back Agorala’an Nivor, using those sudden bursts of pace the normally louth player has at him disposal, and putting in a glorious cross across the face of goal which somehow managed to evade the onrushing boots of Steven Fritz and Mamdooh Momtaz, and the right peg of Pipes.

The impetus given by Caras threatened to give C&M control of the match such was his input, and he should well have capped his performance with a twentieth minute goal after a one-two with an unusually advanced Head. He put his strong shot just wide, and completed his hat-trick of missed opportunities shortly after when a lofted free-kick whistled harmlessly past Imon Julie.

Our period of domination couldn’t last, and C&M found themselves on the back foot for much of the rest of the game as Yafor 2 began to show some of the their early-season form. Peter Waddington appeared the weak link, his age showing against striker Zyante Meleherat, and no doubt the side’s proud captain will have felt embarrassment to need protection from Benji Fu, Head and Revault. All three were called upon to clean up his mistakes a couple of times each in each half, and it would be no surprise at all if after many months of excellent national service he was allowed to concentrate more on his form for Clube Imperial. Fu’s Albrecht FC partner Sam Young is no doubt champing at the bit to ease into the role soon to be relinquished.

Reuben Uwakwe between the sticks is rather less likely to be put out to pasture just yet, pulling off a string off second-half saves from Meleherat, Nahanor and substitute Idurv Odakele that will have Harry Primrose expecting to get used to the bench for a good while longer. Not that his opposite number Julie didn’t have to work for his money either, with Fritz and sub Dan Davis eliciting a couple of fine tips over the bar themselves.

A point and clean sheet away from home is never to be sniffed at, let alone against a side with an honourable World Cup history such as Yafor 2, but Baker will know his men could have done still more. His side creates few real chances, but those than come from the likes of Caras and – when fit – Cornelisse and Wang are often guilt-edged. Little blame can be attached to Fritz, and his league form remains extemporary, but does this side need a more natural finisher? With his own league form the superior of Davis; the unused sub yesterday, Ignacio Vélez, but surely be in line for promotion. Fritz may be C&M’s top goalscorer in history, but there can be no room for sentiment in football.

The result sees C&M slip to forth, but the use of goal difference at this stage makes things academic. The Big Blues have four games at home in the second half of the campaign, including the arrival of Qazox and a potential decider with the Yaforites, and must surely feel the top two is still within their grasp. Quietly, Baker will know that that target was given all the greater resonance yesterday when our Group 4 was drawn to play Group 1 in the play-offs, setting up an unwelcome clash with one of the Archregimancy, Quakmybush, Jeru FC or Cup of Harmony champions Dance 2 Revolution, all of whom hardly represent an easy challenge.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Yafor_2.png Yafor 2 0

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Candelaria And Marquez.png Candelaria And Marquez 0

The Albrecht Herald
C&M ease to friendly revenge
By Tracker Edwards

Mark Baker’s Big Blues ran out comfortable winners this afternoon after a 3-1 friendly win over Kura-Pelland. If the end result flattered the home side somewhat, it will never the less provide a welcome boost ahead of a banana-skin trip to Billopesha, as a slightly re-jigged C&M saw off a flat Kura-Pellandi side a shadow of their Cup of Harmony selves. No doubt the visitors were feeling the effects of a gruelling World Cup qualifying campaign, a 1-0 defeat at resurgent Geisenfried the most recent result. But still; though the game’s purpose was ultimately more political than sporting, with the CMSA hoping now to draw a line under the rather unfortunate events in Trilan last year, it provided a good run-out for Baker’s men and a pleasing chance for revenge of sorts.

Most of the away side were all too familiar to the home fans, having been part of the Kura-Pelland squad that clinically disposed of their team in the CoH. By far the most recognisable face however was Giorgio Pezzoni. His form since arriving in the Candelarias for Turk’s Club has been as unpredictable as the Khatib outfit, but he had one of his better games during his last visit to the Millerman Sheppard Stadium, albeit in a 2-1 defeat to Albrecht Turks. A regular goalscorer for his country, Kura-Pelland would rue not making more of the thirty-year-old.

Pezzoni provided the first clear chance of the match on ten, feeding a lovely ball to Jose Cazarez. Mind was willing but body ultimately failed for the striker who looked low on confidence compared to his virtuoso display the last time these two sides met. C&M then went one-nil up moments later, after a glorious move which displayed the very best of Baker’s side, all tight passing from Damien Sono through several players before reaching Jos Cornelisse, who crossed well from Ignacio Vélez. Sweeping past Zachary Caparelli, Vélez slotted home with ease to mark his first start with a goal.

Kura-Pelland were not unbowed however, and Pezzoni was the star once again; collecting a ball from Matthias Gellen and sending Reuben Uwakwe diving the wrong way. The home supporters barely noticed, still celebrating their sides’ first goal in three, and their players seemed to sense the feeling of optimism. Vélez and Cornelisse each had good chances, while Neil Forrest hit the bar. Then, in the dying stages of the first half, José Felipe Cassumba Domingos was fouled by Tom Curatin. The previously quiet O’Sullivan Caras delivered sweeping free kick into the box which fell at the head of the little man, Sam Young. Another player starting his first game, the Albrecht FC captain also notched up his first goal.

As has become de rigueur across international football; the second half would be rather a mess thanks to a merry-go-round of substitutions, though C&M would have slightly the better of it. If it seemed harsh on the visitors, Yasser Zaghloul earned his goal after a tireless performance. Running on to a long ball from sub Walter Jordan, the KT Hotspur star failed to get an instant shot in and was forced wide by Curatin. It mattered little, as Zaghloul pounced superbly from the tightest of angles, though Stephen Hill will be disappointed not to have made a better stab at it.

Baker was taciturn after the match, declining to confirm his XI for Billopesha, but few doubt that Young has now emerged as the declining Peter Waddington’s successor. Whether Vélez did enough in place of the rested Steven Fritz to take his starting berth remains to be seen.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Candelaria And Marquez.png Candelaria And Marquez 3
Vélez 11, Young 43, Zaghloul 77

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Kura-Pelland.png Kura-Pelland 1
Pezzoni 14

Rejistania (1) 1
St Samuel (0) 0

The Latin Crusaders travelled to Rejistania in the hope of gaining three much needed points. With there world cup campaign beggining to turn somewhat stale, St Samuel are slowly starting to lose touch with the group leaders and a win would have turned things around. But a poor performance from the Latin Crusaders and an ultra defensive Rejistania saw St Samuel lose 1-0 and lagging near the bottom of the group.

Manager, Louis Della Penzzi will be dissapointed that his side couldn't have taken more from the game, after going one nil down on the 18th minute, attack after attack was repelled by some rock solid Rejistanian defending.

St Samuel won a penalty in the 38th minute, after Dexter St John was bought down in the box, but Mazzeranni's shot hit the cross bar and went over for a goal kick. Maxi Bezzi-Louaza also had a great chance to equalize just before half time when a low and hard cross was delivered by Batista and beat the keeper and defenders, but Bezzi-Louaza's shot was smashed high and wide.

The Latin Crusaders continued to poor pressure on Rejistania in the second half, but just couldn't manage to get the ball in the net. On the 64th minute, Aaron De Villion was shown a red card for a second bookable offence after he had an argument with the linesmen over an offside decision.

St Samuel nearly repeated there performance against Ariddia, when they won a last minute corner, which was curled in towards Tyrone Rock whos header beat the keeper, but was volleyed clear of the goal by a defender.

Does this defeat signal the end of St Samuel's qualification hopes?

Well the answer does not look good for St Samuel fans. Half way through the qualifiers, St Samuel sit 7th in group 11, taking just 8 points from 7 games. Most critics have already written St Samuel off and another defeat next week against Sorthern Northland would surely mean the end. But some St Samuel fans still hold some hope with a very tight group, there is a small possibility that St Samuel could sneak in the back door.

St Samuel Manager, Louis Della Penzzi had this to say in interview.

"We knew from the start that we had drawn a tough group, but realistically, we should be battling for 3rd spot with Rejistania. We have failed to beat Sorthern Northland and Uiri, which were 2 of the 4 games that we should really be winning. Things are looking bad, with us languashing at 7th, but the group is very close and two wins could see us back up there and challenging. I think the problem that we have had is the lack of end product. 11 goals from 7 isn't great and the matches where we have lost points were always down to our poor finishing. But we have some great strikers and very good attacking midfielders and I am confident that we change things round in the next 7 games."

Every body in taeshan just got their christmas presents as Zeke scored with two minutes to go in there game against top notch schiavonia. The purple knights got what they went in for the top eight bof finishers tied the shiavonians in a heart stopper.
Carsin palmer the right striker score the first knights goal in the eleventh minute. Then schiavonia scored its to goals and with just minutes to goal Zeke got the goal kick from Tad Montague and sprinted down the field and scored on the bedazzled schiavonian goalie to keep the knights away record at an astounding3-0-1 in their first ever cup and a staggering 3-3-1 record thats enough to give them a birth in the playo ffs. Still 7 games to go.

Zwangzug's e-Lipogram

Having that kind of a half is happy
Zwangzug's national football squad won again in World Cup 37 qualification, moving up to 7-0-0 (that is, having a maximal 21 points). No squad but Zwangzug's has as many.

This last win saw Minilla Island visit. Phillip Stings would start off a fairly high-scoring match on an assist from Jacob Barons and add a goal in half two. Forward Olson also had two goals for Zwangzug. Minilla Island's "Warriors" had two goals, from Warwick and Jo Jo Jackson.

Zwangzug, unsurprisingly, is first in Group 7, so a playoff slot would disappoint at this point. Now, Bazalonia is in third: that occupant at qualification's finish will go to a two-part playoff against rhyming Group 11's third squad. Ariddia (last cup's champions) and Uiri (making its first try at qualification) occupy spots 1 and 2 in that tough group.

YESS!!!!

The Vanek'ians have won! Yes! The Vanek'ians have won! In a blowout against Naleloospalakintula, Thomas Vanek scored a hat trick for all of the goals in the game.

The first half of qualifiers is now over. The Vanek'ians have 4 points, on one win, one draw, and 5 losses. The leading scorer is promising eighteen-year-old Thomas Vanek, with all of the goals-5. Fellow eighteen-year-old Felipe Romney, goaltender, has also had an outstanding tourney, despite the 1-5 loss to British Londinium.

Box Score:

Goals:

Vanek (10)
Vanek (53)
Vanek (87)

Cards:

Rosis-Yellow (67)

Substitutions:

None

Injuries:

According to team trainer Darius CastCom, Thomas Vanek reinjured his minor ankle injury. However, he lasted out the game and will start the next game vs. Sel Appa.

OOC: Most goals are in the second half due to a not so good goalie, but I'll roll with it because your team is the best.

A Loss Isn't Shocking?!

Today, after the match in Ariddia, the coach said it was not surprising that the Geese lost 4-0. He said that against the team is in its first world cup and that a draw even seemed unlikely - especially in the world's best team's country,

"The Geese played their best but the Ariddians are the best because they have a solid offense, just like Uiri. The positions of the team members are 2-3-5, therefore we don't exactly have a well thought out defense. Kilod was nervous especially about spending the day before in a country where no one else is using money. In the stands people were giving out hot dogs which should've been paid for. That left him vulnerable to goals which is why the extremely good forwards scored, not to mention that he was tired by the 30th minute. I think we may have to lessen the training." -Coach

"It looked like everyone was stealing when I was waiting in line at the grocery store. If I was a citizen I could've taken everything in the store. It's just plain creepy to those of us from capitalistic countries." -Kilod

In a related topic, it appears Ariddia has more in common than we thought. It too was forged by Aboriginal, French and English people. The key difference appears to be the economic system which can show just how wide societies can evolve.

The Uir Government will give the amount of Arjets spent in Ariddia to the Ariddian team if they have to stay an extra day in Uiri like the Geese. If not, the amount spent by the Geese today will be provided.

Chi Sun-Times-Tribune-Domestic-International-Star-News-Today

Sports Section

Football or Football?

While that may seem like a weird title that was what Milchmian football fans, of both codes were wondering after our usual Football Warriors played American Football against the Coshairs at the Milchmian National Stadium. In a poorly played game the Warriors offense failed but the defense stood up to the challenge after an interception by Nikolai Marchakov was returned for a touchdown and the extra point was good to give Milchama a 7-0 victory. Coach Damian Hill said, "I definitely think we're a better football team but winning in football is good also. I mean if the clonger of the clock and the bitter comes around you still need to use tanks." This paper is still not yet ready to verify reports that Hill abuses players during practice.

As for the game it was a mostly boring affair with neither sides quarterback capable of doing anything much through the air and ground game getting stuck by poor blocking. Despite having kicks in open play the gerryowens didn't tend to work with the defense being able to catch but not return the ball. The tackling though was really good with the tripping through slide tackles getting a lot of people to fall down. The kicking though was beyond excellent with both teams routinely forcing the ball deep into opposition to set up a battle of field position that neither offense could get through with their ineptitudes and propensity for failing at about their own 40 yard line after long drives.

The play that gave the Warriors was the victory was in the 4th quarter with 4:35 left the Coshairs lined up and their QB threw a ball too far that landed right in the hands of Nikolai Marchakov on the sideline. With blockers in front of him the speedy wing/corner back ran the ball back easily for the touchdown from 30 yards out to the delight of the crowd and players who were worried about an embarrassing 0-0 draw with a lowly ranked squad. After forcing them back to the 20 yard line the defense held out and ran the ball 3 times for no gain before having their field goal attempt blocked. The Coshairs with 30 seconds left couldn't put the ball in the end zone so Milchama won 7-0.

Final Score:
Milchama 7 (Marchakov INT 4Q 4:25)
Coshairs 0 (That's Defense!)

Back in Business

After taking only one point from two matches against Recluse Island and Capitalizt SLANI , losing in a shocking 2-1 away match to the former team. However, following our two all draw with the Capitalizts, we rebounded in what should have been a close match against then group leaders Kiryu-Shi. However, missing key defensive player Bob Moya, Kiryu-Shi were unable to stay with the Squornshelan attack, and the Pschychoes broke loose for five first half goals. The Kiryu's managed to net a consolation goal in the second half, but the damage had been done. Squornshelous managed to wrap up the first half of qualifying with a very physical match away to Turruth Gordur. Roman Svoboda put in two goals to top Draco Glaurung's single score, and the Pschychoes escaped with maximum points, despite the extremely defensive 5-3-2 formation that "The Butcher" laid out for them. We'll have to play just as carefully in our upcoming second meeting with Vikingholm, this time on their ground.

Final Scores:
Recluse Island 2-1 Squornshelous
Capitalizt SLANI 2-2 Squornshelous
Squornshelous 5-1 Kiryu-Shi
Turruth Gordur 1-2 Squornshelous

Squornshelous' Scorers:
Svoboda: 6
Kuivalainen: 5
Ilmari: 4
Polokov: 3
Aatunen: 2
Haakana: 1
Uolevi: 1

Squornshelous' Qualifying Schedule:
wins draws losses
MD1: Squornshelous 2-0 Vikingholm
MD2: Miceland 2-6 Squornshelous
MD3: Squornshelous 4-1 Swilatia
MD4: Recluse Island 2-1 Squornshelous
MD5: Capitalizt SLANI 2-2 Squornshelous
MD6: Squornshelous 5-1 Kiryu-shi
MD7: Turruth Gordur 1-2 Squornshelous
MD8: Vikingholm v Squornshelous
MD9: Squornshelous v Miceland
MD10: Swilatia v Squornshelous
MD11: Squornshelous v Recluse Island
MD12: Squornshelous v Capitalizt SLANI
MD13: Kiryu-shi v Squornshelous
MD14: Squornshelous v Turruth Gordur

There usually was a lot of time to kill in a Foreign country. There's various ways to kill it, of course.

Video games are usually the best.

---

Mike was scowling, sitting on one corner of his bed in the hotel room and swearing at every ball. On the other bed, Silvia was sitting, relaxed.

"Maybe Cricket just isn't your game. We have Gridiron football somewhere in the bag- wait, I beat you at that too." She said with mock sweetness.

Pan, on the other hand, was laying across the bed, seriosuly consulting a Magic 8-ball. "Will I score a goal tomorrow?"

Don't count on it.

"Damn." Pan said. "What about Silvia, will she score a goal?"

My sources say no.

"Damn! Will anyone score a goal at all?"

Outlook not so good.

"Guys, we're boned."

Mike sighed and paused the game. "That thing isn't telling the future, you know. It's just a ball full of water with another thingymabob in it."

Pan sighed. "8-ball, are you a reasonable source of divination?"

It is certain.

"See? It's certain. We're boned."

Mike sighed again and grabbed the 8-ball out of his hand. "Are we boned?"

Better not tell you now.

"I hate Magic 8-balls. Put that thing away before you psych yourself out."

Pan growled and grabbed the 8-ball back. "Am I going to psych myself out?"

It is certain.

Mike sighed, missing another ball from Silvia before she paused the game, grabbed the 8-ball herself, and threw it out the open window. The telltale sound of shattering glass below. however, filled them with dread.

"Shit, shit, what did you do?" Mike and Pan said, ducking and inching over to the window.

"We can't look out, they'll see." Pan muttered. The phone began to ring, and Silvia answered it.

"Hello?"

"What did you guys do?" Lori said from the other side.

"I threw Pan's Magic 8-ball out the window."

"I can see that. It hit some sports car right in the windshield. Man, that guy is pissed... but I don't think anyone knows where it came from."

Silvia nodded. "Well, that's good. Thanks for the update, we'll see you later." Silvia hung up the phone and looked at the guys up against the wall next to the window. "It's ok, it just smashed some guy's windshield."

"How is that ok?" Mike asked, turning to peek out the window.

"What on earth will he do?" Silvia said, picking up her controller and sitting down. "Come on, I want to finish kicking your ass."

---

Twenty years later, the proposal of 1540-EC00593 (Bill to stop production of irritating novelty divination toys) in the National Assembly and it's quick and efficient passage ended the age of the Magic 8-ball, which the bill was specifically written to eliminate. No one knew exactly how the first one was made, of course, but there was almost a universal agreement that the world was a much better place without them.

With the Potoroos in Errinundera for the sort of mid-season rest break and with the next match against Delesa in Bola Mine, the members of the national team went home to their various cities and villages. The Errinudera Football Association had organised for the players to conduct coaching sessions in schools. Let us drop in on two of them: henyua, eboshiadu and sanoo visiting Penders Grove Primary School in Delegate and ipieomenicu, aryayre and breretond at Treemore Primary School in Bola Mine.

After taking the young students through training drills both groups returned to the classroom for a question and answer session.

Penders Grove Primary School

crisolynn (a six year old boy with a runny nose): Can we win the World Cup?
eboshiadu: That’s a long way down the track. We’ve got to qualify first. There are many very good teams who are trying their hardest to win. We’ll be trying our hardest too.

osemarcull (a nine year old girl with long brown hair): Which teams are going to be the hardest to beat?
henyua: Well, as far as qualifying goes, definitely the Archregimancy. We like the monks because they are so funny. If we qualify then SLANI, ESF and Ariddia are the teams to beat.

reric and oric (identical ten year old twin boys): How good are Ariddia? Can we beat them?
sanoo: They are an amazingly good side. Their big weakness is they lack of a sense of humour. I’m not sure we can use that to our advantage on the football field but, if we play them again, we will give everything we’ve got…
henyua: They may be very serious but they are very gentle and very friendly. We like visiting them.

amianeavi: (a freckly 7 year old boy): What have been your favourite moments in football?
henyua: Definitely the final, especially singing the Internationale with the Ariddian players.
eboshiadu: Well, I wasn’t there so I have to say my first game.
sanoo: My first goal.

osephins: (an intelligent looking eleven year old girl with long black hair): Is it true that people in other countries eat animals?
eboshiadu: Unfortunately, yes. In fact, I know one country where, if you’re not careful, they might even eat you. (Eyes are popping everywhere in the classroom.)

aviake (a bucktoothed grinning ten year old boy): What are other countries doing to reduce global warming by cutting back on carbon dioxide emissions?
sanoo: Not enough. We try to be ambassadors for a better world but many people don’t want to listen. Some of the places we visit are hellholes. The poor have no rights, animals are treated as expendable, the forests are cut down (gasps from all the students), the air is polluted. I could go on. It’s very disappointing sometimes.

eteignorin (a serious boy with a mole on his nose): Can Delegate win the championship.
henyua: The Gonads look good at this stage. Delegate have a chance but we will have to play well.

You get the picture. Things were a little different in Bola Mine.

oberarti (a smart-alecky looking eight year old boy): Can we win the World Cup?
breretond: Definitely. I think we are good enough.

johnnyj (cocky looking eleven year old boy): Ripper, are you going to bash anyone else?
ipieomenicu: I hope not but sometimes it happens.

uzuatru: (precocious looking ten year old girl): Are Turruth Gordur and Vikingholm as tough as they make out?
aryayre: We haven’t played them yet but I’ve seen them on video. They look pretty weak; they wouldn’t bother us. I gotta say I like the Vikingholm kit but it must be pretty heavy. I reckon we could run rings around them.

etecfarlan (8 year old boy with a big smile): Who is your favourite team to play against?
aryayre, ipieomencicu and breretond together: Squornshelous!
etecfarlan: Why?
aryare: They are a very tough side and they really test you out. You know you’ve played against them.

littlej: (a cocky looking eleven year old girl): Do you reckon we could beat Ariddia if we belted them?
breretond: Maybe (laughs). Actually, they’re a pretty skilful side. If we want to beat them, we will have to play better.
School kids chanting together: Boring… Boring… Boring.

ollyann (sad looking undernourished girl): Can Bola Mine win the championship?
ipieomenicu: Definitely. I think we are good enough.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Errinundera.png
Errinundera 6
(breretond 7, 9, 23, scerberu 44, immelfar 55, sanoo 80)
(leighm medal votes: breretond 3, aryayre 2, ipieomenicu 1)

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Delesa.png
Delesa 0

Errinundera's WC37 scorers:
scerberu 11
breretond 6
avilmou 3
immelfar 3
sanoo 2
oovaroo 1
otemki 1

leighm medal tally:
scerberu 10
agloir 7
ipieomenicu 4
aptai 3
aryarye 3
breretond 3
henyua 3
avilmou 2
catsuku 2
haimaidu 2
onito 2
eboshiadu 1

TEAM SELECTION FOR THE GAME AGAINST NEBULEUX

Forwards: scerberu, breretond, avilmou, sanoo (sub)
Midfielders: henyua, aptai, ipieomenicu, catsuku, iribu (sub)
Backs: haimaidu (vc), aryayre, ikasa, eboshiadu (sub)
Keepers: onito, oyavereig (sub)

In: avilmou, henyua, eboshiadu, onito
Out: immelfar (flu), agloir (flu), froesu (flu), readnough (rested)

Venue: Somewhere in Nebuleux.

OLHO NO LANCE! YOUR SPORTS MAGAZINE
Match Informations, written by Sílvio Ruiz


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

FRIENDLY: SEL APPA

http://img183.imageshack.us/img183/6260/010407986ex00px3.jpg
Senna faces an opponent

Cafundéu played in front of its fans, in a friendly against Sel Appa. The mixture of starters and reserves was good, and the team could play well for most of the game. The visitors scored first, when Patette received the ball from Ghotiolo, dribbled Chico Serra and shot with style. But Cafundéu scored soon after with Tramontina, from a long ranged shot.

In the second half, the coach Franz Braddock was able to use some new players in the team, already making test for the next World Cups. Del Valle and Da Silva had good performances. But the same can't be said about Lobato, who was sent off nearly the end of the game after discussing with the Cardinal, the referee of the game.

CAFUNDÉU 1x1 SEL APPA

Place: Obelisco Monumental, in Lasft.
Attendance: 132,850 people.
Referee: Cardinal Luís Pietro (Deus Lhepague).
MOTM: Arthur Mercator V (Sel Appa).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Júnior; Léo Mattos, Toninho, Chico Serra (Nunes 78’) and Lobato; Wilson Magrão (Da Silva 45’), Carioca (Del Valle 45’) and Dário; Flecha, Tramontina (Senna 64’) and Aristóteles (Wissen 45’).
Coach: Franz Braddock.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/sel_appa.png SEL APPA: Bokegalbaatar (Vadov 80’); Rengel (Kim 60’), Al-Jafari and Baar; Patette, Mercator V and Ghotiolo (Dubrov 74’); Miquelinho, Gepardo (Szwtrz 45’), Ebe and Sitran (Morreau 45’).
Coach: Charles DuPont.

Goals:CAF: Tramontina 16’.
SEA: Patette 13’.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

FRIENDLY: ASSEGAI DEVELOPMENTS

http://img232.imageshack.us/img232/2738/noticia35831aj7.jpg
Carlos Magno commemorates goal

The second friendly was played away, in the Cathedral Park. The team was coached by the entertainer Serginho Mallandro, who could use many players of the main National Team. After some difficult minutes, of battles for the ball in the midfield, Cafundéu scored with the defender Carlão, who headed the ball after a crossing of Dário.

The Monopolists only scored the second goal in the second half. The newcomer Carlos Magno, a talented player, received the ball from Heitor, dribbled Rampston and the goalkeeper, and shot to the open goal. The hosts could score in the ending minutes, after a good individual play made by Spicer, who commemorated the goal with the coach.

ASSEGAI DEVELOPMENTS 1x2 CAFUNDÉU

Place: Cathedral Park stadium.
Attendance: 75,000 people.
Referee: Nicholay Mishnarkov (The Holy Empire).
MOTM: Carlos Vergara (Cafundéu).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/assegai_developments.png ASSEGAI DEVELOPMENTS: Morley (van de Beauchamp 68’); Rowe (Grissom 73’), Cary, Rampston and Maison; London (Delacour 63’), Riot and de Malyns (Spicer 45’); Savage, Neesa (Smyth 68’) and Adamson (Snape 45’).
Coach: Blackout.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Lauro (Moisés 77'), Gray, André Luís, Eduardo Monte (Silveira 77’) and Carlão; Anormal (João Carlos 70'), Vergara, Rato (Robinson 45’) and Marcelinho (Carlos Magno 60’); Heitor (Coelho 81’) and Ferreira (Assis 60’).
Coach: Serginho Mallandro.

Goals:ASD: Spicer 80’.
CAF: Carlão 36’ , Carlos Magno 64’.

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WC QUALIFIERS: RUGIERO

http://img245.imageshack.us/img245/9462/0164946bod6.jpg
A Rugiero player

Now to the most important game. After losing two consecutive games, Cafundéu had to get a positive result against Rugiero. Playing away, the team could avoid the pressure of its own fans, and showed a very good football. Heitor scored shooting from the midfield, after the first touch. The goalkeeper was praying, and didn't see the ball entering in the goal. Eight minutes after, Anormal shot from outside the area, the goalkeeper saved, but entered with the ball inside the goal.

Before the end of the first half, the midfielder Neto, who was already having an excellent performance, scored from a free kick. In the second half, the Monopolists managed their win, but suffered a goal. Nothing that destroyed the visitors' party, as the team could get three points. Now, with all the players available, the coach Braddock can return to the original formation, to play the last seven games of the World Cup qualifiers.

RUGIERO 1x3 CAFUNDÉU

Place: unknown, in Rugiero.
Attendance: unknown.
Referee: Jürgen Radelker (Geisenfried).
MOTM: Neto (Cafundéu).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/rugiero.png RUGIERO: no team released.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Lauro; Léo Mattos (Carlão 80’), Toninho (Vergara 80’), Eduardo Monte and Chico Serra; Anormal, Dário (Carioca 45’) and Neto; Rato, Heitor and Flecha.
Coach: Franz Braddock.

Goals:RUG: Midfielder 76’.
CAF: Heitor 0’ , Anormal 8’ , Neto 40’.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cafundéu – formation for game against New Brittonia: Lauro, Léo Mattos, Toninho, Eduardo Monte and Souza; Anormal, Rato and Neto; Tales, Heitor and Flecha.
Coach: Franz Braddock.
Style of +3

Match’s Referee: MX145-4L v2.0 (The HURD).

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Goalscorers after 7 games:

7- Heitor
3- Flecha and Neto
2- Anormal
1- Léo Mattos, Dário and Souza

Matchday 8 is now underday, RPs have been cut off

(OOC: this post won't contain swearing, mostly)

"Good job all, way to avenge that 1st loss guys!" Rex Hill said after the 3-1 win in Rastafariburg. "That's three straight wins now, and we've moved into first place. Now the next match is at home vs Kelssek. We beat them 4-0 at their place, and they want revenge, but NO REVENGE this week! So let's have a good week of practice and have a good day off tommorrow!"

After everyone got done in the locker room, Ty Reed and Yuzuki Haraguchi walked towards the hotel when a couple of fans came up to them and asked for their autographs.

"Why do you want mine? I haven't done anything yet." Ty asked one of the fans.

"'Cause you're playing for the Pheonix, that's why" the fan replied "That and you two are the only two players I haven't gotten yet."

"Well, that'll teach me to open my big mouth" chuckled Ty.

After signing the autographs, they continued their way to the hotel and up to one of thier rooms.

(In the elevator)

"What do you think about what's going on with Coach Fowler and all that stuff?" Yuzuki asked.

"I dunno, If he did do it, then he deserves what he gets, but if he didn't then I dunno either. At least practices have been a bit more fun." Ty replied 'What do you think?"

"I think it sucks that we had to deal with a pervert like that, maybe he had a camera in our locker room too, and that just creeps me out. I hope he rots for awhile." Zuki replied "Enough about Fowler, what about dinner tonight? You wanna eat out?"


GOALS:
Qazox:
Yancy Fry (5,6): 12', 50'
Tomas Richter (5): 72'
CARDS:
None


NSWiki for Qualifers: http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Qazox_at_World_Cup_37_Qualifing

PRUXTON PRESS

Shootout at the Pawtucket Canal

Sativaville and Prux had an old-fashioned shoot out as they combined for 8 goals in a wild match last night. Sativaville's fans were banned from bringing in anything that was smokeable into the stadium, but that didn't prevent the road team from jumping out to a 3-1 lead at halftime. 007 scored first in the 14th minute, but then Red Herring was injured on a cheap shot by the Sativaville striker, Meatball Sub had to come in and promptly gave up goals on the first 3 shots he faced. The goals were scored in the 24th, 30th, and 44th minutes. It later was found out that Meatball Sub was frozen and at half time they had de-frosted him enough to play the second half.

Pi R. Squared made it 2-1 in the 49th, but then Meatbal gave up its 4th goal in the 57th minute to make it 4-2, and the Prawns looked like they were cooked, but a furious comeback led by goals from The Sphinx in the 74th and by Pies R. Round in the 80th minute sent both sides home tied at 4-4.

Prux' Scoring this match:
007: 14'
Pi R. Squared: 49'
The Sphinx: 74'
Pies R. Round: 80'

Prux' Overall scoring: (15 goals)
007: 7
Pi R. Squared: 3
The Sphinx: 3
Pies R. Round: 2

Overall Record so far for Prux:
1 win-4 draws-3 losses 7 points, 6th in group 2 with a -6 goal differental.

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Crusaders get an away win! A small one ...

Finally, Jeruselem after throwing away a win at home on match 7 ... won away. On start of the return leg, the visited Kelssek who bravely lost in Jeruselem on match day 1. Yes, Jeruselem won an away game in a small way, like scoring a mere six goals away from home. Kelssek had high hopes with Jeruselem struggling with 3 wins, 3 draws and 1 loss. With Dinkie Dosha and Scarlet Ferris missing, Jeruselem were understrength.

Today, the real Jeruselem turned up as the poor Kelssek got routed. Kate Dallas had a woman-of-the-match game leading by example, scoring a hat trick with Hooney, Bono and Bizness scoring the other goals. After the lacklustre performances in the past, the team really upped the ante. Kate demanded 200% from her team today and they turned a cruisy 3-0 win into 6-0 rout.

No one slacked for Jeruselem, everyone worked hard to get the killer score. With the Princess demanded her troops trample the opposition under the hooves of the Jeruselem calvalry - it happened. The Jeruselem keeper had a quiet day looking bored as the Kelssek keeper spent most of the day getting hit by a flying ball. Kelssek's defense didn't know what to with Kate Dallas putting on the moves.

It was like watching an old game, with Dazza Dallas in the number 13 causing havoc. The new Bike showed up and proved the genes of the Dallas were strong. The team were missing Dinkie who is recovering well and Scarlet who still can't walk. It's not everyday, the potential Queen of Jeruselem is putting herself on the line for her nation.

This will say a lot about what will happen when a short woman called Kate Dallas sits down in the Queen's chair. She's going to change the way women are going be to seen in Jeruselem. If this was the Crusades, Kate would be swing a sword against the heathens in heat of battle.

Amda-Mo: Another close win, pushes the Gnomes a bit closer to qualification as the Gnomes pulled off their fourth straight 2-1 victory.

Lur-Mn: Indeed. We maintained our six point advantage. With only six games to go we're in pretty good shape, although we're still looking to really turn on the jets.

Amda-Mo: Ok, let's first talk about the defense. It's been four straight qualifiers, and six straight games overall since the last shutout. Is that a point for worry?

Lur-Mn: It is just a little bit. If we take our performances recently and transfer them to big name opponents we probably wouldn't be coming out with victories. In the proper we'll need to tighten up our defense as it'll be harder for us to score there and the performances we're giving now might be multiple goal affairs there. But to be fair we haven't allowed any multiple goal games since the match against Estresse Intenso, so there is that to hang our hats on.

Amda-Mo: How about the offense?

Lur-Mn: Again it's disappointing, but just a bit. Seoula and Kn-Dg are really carrying the team. The other players are making good attacks, but the good finishing is mostly coming from those two. It would be good to see a bit more balanced attack. And of course it would be nice to have some big games. Our offense is pretty firmly in the uppermiddle of the pack and we've yet to have any truly great offensive perfomances.

Amda-Mo: So the overall perspective on the team?

Lur-Mn: Neutral. We're getting the job done, but not well. But getting the job done now in and of itself doesn't mean much. All that matters is performance in the proper. So for now we have to call it an incomplete.

Amda-Mo: Thoughts on the rest of the group?

Lur-Mn: Interesting race. I can't see the turtles giving up their advantage for second place, but it's too early to really say much else. Clearly you'd expect the doctors to come through, but it'll be tight till the end.

Amda-Mo: Speaking of the doctors, we face them next. Thoughts on the match?

Lur-Mn: Well clearly they'll be tough to beat. They're the only team to have taken points off of us so far. But I don't think we'll allow multiple goals to them this time around, especially not with them coming to the Castle. I think they'll also play tighter defense this time around. I'll go out on a limb and say we come away with a 1-0 victory. But anything could happen.

Amda-Mo: Well I think we'd all be ok with such a result. Now lets look back at the results from other groups.

Lur-Mn: The big upsets were Squornshelous falling to Vikingholm and Bazalonia losing to Vuam & Isma. In other news Demot has finally moved back to the top of their group and looks to be in good shape to make the proper again, although it's still very close.

Amda-Mo: But not yet ready to make a run at the top six are they?

Lur-Mn: Not. I doubt they'll make the top before the very end of the qualifers, and probably they won't make it without some good performances in the proper. But let's forget about Demot for now and focus on the current top six.

6. Milchama

While their two early draws to New Brittonia and Miroxia are a bit perplexing, they beat the main rivals from their groups and our undefeated through eight matches, which deserves some respect. They're getting very close to qualification and with a win over Jasi'yun up next they could move much closer.

5. Elves Security Forces

The Elves have to be disappointed to draw with Prux, but they're still doing well overall. Not as close to qualification as Milchama is because their group is a bit more balanced they're still progressing well forwards.

4. Commerce Heights

They've got the best offense and tied for the best goal differential. They've shown that when they play well they can play incredibly well. However they have had a bit of a tendency to lose focus, which is why despite their great goal differential they have less points than the Elves or Milchama. Sort of the opposite of us. If they play at a high level in the proper they could easily put their hands on the cup.

3. Az-cz

Like I said just the opposite of Commerce Heights below. We haven't dominated much of anybody, but we've won six straight matches since our draw with Estresse Intenso. That counts for a lot as its consistent results that advance you in the finals. Still it would be nice to mix consistently good and occasionaly incredible together.

2. Errinundera

Errinundera is that team. They have our consistency and Commerce Height's explosiveness, as they are the team tied with Commerce Heights for best goal differential. You could easily make the argument that they are the best team overall, with a high scoring off, a solid if not great defense and a very focused team.

1. Zwangzug

Just getting it done. In a tough group they've managed to make it through 8 games with all the possible points. They can lose half their games the rest of the way and still qualify. And I don't think that's a likely result. While like us they haven't been spectacular not allowing a single slip up is a sign of a talented driven side. If they can take down Northern Bettia again, expect them to hold this top spot for quite a while.

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Beavers take a hammering as Jeruselem run rampant

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KIRKENES - It was meant to be a great day for Kelssekian football, a rallying cry in the sport's biggest stronghold in the country, and even with no hope of winning, a creditable performance against a football powerhouse and a good day out for fans.

The Skydome sold out alright, the first time the national football team has sold out a venue so far, but there was nothing else that could really be called positive as a full stadium witnessed a complete decimation, a 6-0 massacre as the Beavers simply gave up any attempt at resistance.

There was nothing to even inspire any cheers. Not Vincent Arsenault, not Ian Sinclair, not Henri Cournoyer and definitely not Richard Davis, who butterfingered the fourth goal - not that it would have mattered anyway, since such was the enormity of the collapse that everyone had given up keeping score by half time, even though it was only 2-0 at that point.

And it was just too easy for Jeruselem. Kate Dallas scored a hat-trick and made it look easy, and the fans sportingly threw their headwear onto the field - to the confusion of the visitors, who probably would not have had much experience with this imported hockey tradition. But by that time, cheering for Jeruselem was probably the only way for most to remain sane.

And sitting second from bottom in the table, smarting from two painful losses in a row, a painful reality is sinking in for the football community: Kelssek got lucky to be on the cusp of qualification the last time and the team is nowhere near where most thought they were. The dejected crowd began to leave after 70 minutes and who could blame them?

Hopefully no one's giving up on football in Kelssek yet; it's not as if they can't improve and with as proud a sporting tradition as ours, it just wouldn't be right to have zero impact in the most popular and widespread of sports. But if the fans were to do so after yesterday, no one can blame them.

Kelssek line-up: Davis, Dubois, Gobrynin, Hanson, Avant, Arsenault (Smith 55), Anderson, Regehr, Fournier (Despatie 74), Cournoyer, Sinclair (Crawford 68).

"...at the half, there's still no score. We'll be back after this, uh, animated cartoon feature..."

"...Welcome back. The players have switched sides now, which is good news for Zwangzug, who now has both wind and sun coming from behind. If those factors were hurting them earlier, we can expect more attacking play..."

"...And it's Vanderpent off the pass from Ruck: the forward driving, he shoots-Goal for Zwangzug! It's the fifty-ninth minute, and now 1-0..."

"...Nexus weakly deflects the pass."

"He'll dribble it forward, and here's a pass from Hammers: Stings shoots, and...it's two-nil..."

"And that'll be your final from Central Prestonia. Join us for the next game in the-Pallocci Pagoda? Whose idea was that?"

"Jessica Miller, I think."

"And who the-" Alan turned off the microphones, "is Jessica Miller?"

"Some urban renewal specialist. She's looking forward to-uh, let me find the quote-"welcoming the devoted fans of Northern Bettia and benefiting from their civic enthusiasm for urban art"."

Unable to come up with a coherent reply, Alan asked instead, "So what ridiculous spreadsheet do you have open now?"

"Ooh, it's great!" Charles exulted. "It's a magic number calculator!"

"What, like for the Elves Security Forces?"

"Well, for us too. See? We can clinch a playoff spot after the next matchday."

"Yes...Let's just wait until that one's over with, shall we?"

News items from the Bemm River (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Bemm_River) Telegraph.

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ORTHODOX CHUCH DEDICATED

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The church of St Dmitri is located on a rise
overlooking the river

Following the tireless work of the local football star and Orthodox Christian, immelfar, Bemm River now has its own Orthodox Church: St Dmitri of Rostov. In a protracted ceremony yesterday the Church was dedicated by Senior Archbishop Severian who expressed his satisfaction that it would become a light on the hill for the heathen people of Errinundera. “The vast masses of this nation have yet to be welcomed into the loving embrace of God. It is a mammoth task but we must not be daunted by the size of the undertaking.”

Senior Archbiship Severian explained that Dmitri of Rostov was a great 17th century hierarch, preacher, author and ascetic. "St. Dimitri's life is celebrated on October 28, but on September 21 the Church commemorates the finding of his miracle-working relics in 1752."

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Dmitri of Rostov

Fr. Matthew the Marsupial-Herder will take over as monk-priest to the small community. “It is an honour to be given the task of shepherd in this beautiful city in the forest. I hope to set an example so that all here can see the light on the hill, as the Archbishop so aptly put it.” When asked what was on the top of his list of to dos, Fr. Matthew had no hesitation in singling our immelfar. “He has to change that name to something more, well, Orthodox. immelfar sounds like something a rabbi would call himself.”

When asked what they thought of the new church, neighbours were surprisingly complimentary. One neighbour, speaking on a condition of anonymity, described the building as looking like it had come straight out of a fairy tale. “It’s a make-believe, beautiful toy building covered in shimering gold. My wife likes all the little phalluses standing erect. She does have a wild imagination, though. They’re meant to be onions, aren’t they?”

immelfar was pleased with the siting of the building. "You can see it from the the centre pitch of the B Triple R. It will provide inspiration to me as I play."

SUN SHINES ON SPRING EQUINOX

Meanwhile the rest of Errinundera, ie the vast majority, celebrated one of the most important days of the year – the Spring Equinox Fertility Festival. As usual there was much naked dancing in a day of brilliant sunshine all across the nation. Maternity hospitals are expecting the usual winter solstice peak in births.

FLU CAN’T HOLD POTOROOS BACK

In another awesome display the Potoroos demolished Nebuleux despite several players being laid low with the flu. Today, it was the turn of the Destroyer, scerberu, to score a hat trick with avilmou and ipieomenicu also chipping in for goals of their own. The two Bola Mine Players, ipieomenicu and aryayre, carried on with their great recent form while scerberu continues to astonish with her explosive bursts and unearthly ball skills.

Local star immelfar was one of the unfortunates to come down with influenza but had recovered sufficiently to watch the game from the stands. “scerberu is a goal scoring conjurer. I just hope that we don’t become too dependent upon her. It’s not likely, however: breretond and avilmou can step up if something happens to her.”

When asked if the Potoroos’ had achieved a psychological ascendancy within the group, immelfar agreed that some teams seemed in awe. “It’s funny, you know. Sometimes you can see it in their eyes. They expect to lose even before the game starts.”

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Nebuleux 1
(someone 33)

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Errinundera 5
(avilmou 20, scerberu 39, 43 and 49, ipieomenicu 84)
(leighm medal votes: scerberu 3, ipieomenicu 2, aryayre 1)

Errinundera's WC37 scorers:
scerberu 14
breretond 6
avilmou 4
immelfar 3
sanoo 2
ipieomenicu 1
oovaroo 1
otemki 1

leighm medal tally:
scerberu 13
agloir 7
ipieomenicu 6
aryarye 4
aptai 3
breretond 3
henyua 3
avilmou 2
catsuku 2
haimaidu 2
onito 2
eboshiadu 1

TEAM SELECTION FOR THE GAME AGAINST QUAKMYBUSH

Forwards: scerberu, breretond, avilmou, otemki (sub)
Midfielders: agloir (dvc), aptai, ipieomenicu, catsuku, iribu (sub)
Backs: aryayre, ikasa, eboshiadu, froesu (sub)
Keepers: oyavereig, readnough(sub)

In: otemki, agloir, froesu, readnough
Out: sanoo (rested), henyua (rested), haimaidu (flu), onito (rested)

Venue: National Downfall Stadium, First Creek Falls.

Oh My Gosh!

Vanek'ian Team caught on fire!

The VDB team followed up their amazing 3-0 win over Naleloospalakintula with a 2-3 loss over Sel Appa. The amazing part was this game wasn't even expected to be close by Vanek'ian media. Thomas Vanek continued his outstanding tourney with 2 goals, one in each half. Felipe Romney also played an outstanding game, he just couldn't get those very hard shots. The Vanek'ians were outplayed, but they still managed to score. We here in the VDB are very proud of our team!

However, Felipe Romney's protest in the 78th minute against Pattete's game-winner showed that the star keeper needs to work on his sportsmanship. It was very close, as Pattete shot it and Romney deflected it. Instant replay showed the ball had just crossed the line. Romney protested, earning himself a yellow card.

Box Score:

Goals:

Vanek (13)
Miquelhino (23)
Vanek (56)
Miquelhino (67)
Pattete (78)

Injuries:

Miquelhino limped off the field after his goal tying up the game at 2-all. The team trainer reported he has a minor ankle injury and is expected to play the next game, possibly a little bit slower.

Cards:

Romney (78)-yellow
Pattete (43)-yellow

Substitutions:

Miquelhino -Ebe (68)

Sorthern Northland (0) 1
St Samuel (2) 4

The Latin Crusaders kept there world cup dream alive with a win over Sorthern Northland. After some dissapointing results St Samuel won by a convincing 4-1.

Things couldn't have started any better when Dexter St John latched onto a loose ball, took on Wrightson, then curled the ball past Palmer to make it 1-0 with only 4 minutes gone.

St Samuel played some quality football passing the ball around the pitch, like a team with a newly added confidence. There good amount of possession and led to the second goal on the 28th minute when Sensini drilled a shot from yards, which Wrightson managed to block, only for the ball to fall to Maxi Bezzi-Louaza, who smashed home from 5 yards.

Sorthern Northland had a couple of decent opportunities, with Jing Mao and Kim Min-Kim linking up well together, but finding it hard to break down the St Samuel defence.

It was the Min-Kim/Mao partnership that created Sorthern Northland's goal in the 63rd minute with a good 1-2 passing play and then ending with Mao putting the ball in the back of the net, leaving Corinthian no chance. This revival by Sorthern Northland looked promising, but then hopes of an equalizer were dashed in the 78th minute when Dexter St John got his second of the match with a great header, which came from a Batista cross.

The Latin Crusaders finished off Sorthern Northland minutes later, when Sensini crossed the ball in from a freekick, which was headed towards goal by Tyrone Rock and then smashed home by Mazzeranni on the 83rd minute to make it 4-1.

The win puts St Samuel 5th in the group and face bottom of the group, Ambrose-Douglas in next weeks game.

The crowd cheered on the Purple Knights again last night in x island city. The game started with a sliding tackle that and the ref gave slider Ashton smyth a yellow card so the taeshanese manager jake rios pulled him out for teenage phenomenon Brian ying Uing. That proved to be a great decision later in the game.
With 5 minutes left to go in the first half The hurds striker scored and the Knights went into the lockeroom down 1-0. Apparently watever rios said to them worked because on the next corner kick by Zeke Ying uing scored his second goal of qualifying. Then later Zeke broke threw the hurdian d and scored his seventh goal of qualifying.
Taeshans first qualifying record 4-1-3

Purple Knights goalscorers
Zeke 7 goals
Brian ying uing 2 goals
Hele 1 goal
Carsin palmer 1 goal
Ashlie martin 1 goal

The Albrecht Herald
Away day Blues snare another win
By Tracker Edwards

First, some number crunching. On a day when rightful group favourites Jersuelem took their first set of three points on foreign soil this campaign; C&M notched up their third victory on the road and eleventh point to remain undefeated on their travels. With four of the remaining six games taking place at the Millerman Sheppard Stadium; Mark Baker’s men will know they have a major advantage. The most telling matches, of course, will be the visits of Qazox and the Yaforites, and Baker must privately know that gaining at least three points between the two clashes is vital. Yet C&M, for all our progress, have never beaten a nation to have been present at the World Cup finals; despite those earlier draws and the point gained from the visit to Zwangzug, a side that would go on to reach the competition semi-finals and sit with a one hundred per cent record in their current qualifying group. Throwing another spanner in the works is the increasingly likely presence of the Archregimancy in the Group One versus Group Four play-off tie. No one would welcome a visit from the monks at the best of times, never mind with a summer in Adi’han or Novapsolu at stake. Yet that tie seems looming, especially after Miamoria did Baker an unlikely favour by conquering former group leaders Yafor 2.

Now the good news. The Big Blues were excellent today; a typically flawed but often inspired performance that shows that Baker has it sussed when it comes to playing it somebody else’s back garden. Yes, Billopesha are, let’s be frank, a tad rubbish; a side sitting clear at the bottom of an already slightly below-par selection of new and/or lesser nations. They have, if nothing else, held Yafor 2 to a draw and though an innately offensive outfit, their defence is far from awful. Credit be to C&M then, who tore their opposition apart at times in Billopec; and will have received a stern kicking off from their management that the eventual score line was as tight as it was.

A potential cricket score was in part avoided by the earliness of the C&M opener, a neat flowing move that begun when Jos Cornelisse uncharacteristically opted to tackle rather than be fouled himself. Billopeshan defender Leo Hills was left fuming but Cornelisse had got the ball well, before dancing round his man and lofting an effort to Yasser Zaghloul. It had seemed an odd choice, with Steven Fritz unmarked and Zaghloul fending off the clinging arms of Matthew Richardson, but Cornelisse had evidently done his homework. The left winger has rather more strings to his bow than merely the showy stepovers, thankfully tuned down in reason months, a major one clearly being his willingness to study the opposition in depth. And, indeed, his team-mates; correctly assuming that Richardson would lack the physical stamina to deal with big ol’ Yasser. Zaghloul duly brushed past Richardson like he wasn’t there, shooting low and neatly past Derek Loose. Barely two minutes had passed.

C&M have a habit of sitting back on a lead, and to some degree as well they might. With as confident a back four as Damien Sono, Benji Fu, the new introduction of Sam Young, and Doug Szczechowicz; Baker’s team are well skilled in letting the minutes drift by, be it through knocking the ball about with little interest in forward momentum, or letting the opposition hopelessly attempt to break them down.

It worked the last time these two met, but Anthony Pickard and his team have grown somewhat cannier since then. Cornelisse and Szczechowicz began to find themselves targeted as the defensive weak link by Jeremy Strife and Justin Clinton. C&M attempted to readjust and began to power forward once again. This is a side seldom guilty of trying to score the perfect goal, and their second almost came from a throw-in, captain Steven Fritz just failing to get his toe on Sono’s chuck into the box. As it was, the team that enjoys taking their time where caught on the break, Strife beating Cornelisse for pace before Speed Wang – good today but still nursing his sore bits – pulled out of a tackle. The ball ran on to Titus Thane, who found himself in acres of room with Fu and Young still racing to get back in position. Seeing no other option, Thane took the direct route, rifling a shot into the top left-hand corner.

Miffed, C&M wisely opted not to swarm forward whilst their opponents were on the up; and accepted the half-time draw. Come the second half however; the visitors wore a renewed confidence, never looking in danger of loosing another goal and creating more than enough clear chances. Zaghloul tested Loose on several occasions but he remains no natural goal scorer; whilst Fritz seemed clearly destined to notch up a fourth straight international without hitting the net. Still, if the first eleven cannot always be counted upon; Baker can trust his bench and the rejigging half-way through the second period worked wonders in seconds.

Wang remains still not fully fit and struggled at times to impose himself on the game, but he survived the cull and soon combined marvellously with Ignacio Vélez. The pair played a headed one-two before Vélez squeezed through Richardson and Paul Roberts and squared to the second substitute, Dan Davis, who side footed well past Loose for his first C&M strike.

The fresh triad of Vélez, Davis and José Felipe Cassumba Domingos, on for O’Sullivan Caras, worked wonders as the time ticked away, and can consider themselves unlucky not to fashion at least one more goal and give their bids for starting roles the power of good.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Billopesha.png Billopesha 1
Thane 22

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Candelaria And Marquez.png Candelaria And Marquez 2
Zaghloul 2, Davis 75

"I can change!" pleaded Jeremy, "I can sort this out, please.."
"Not on my floor you can't", retorted Gregor, the big, bearded bear of a man who, after the inception of the national football team, had been promoted from retired bare-knuckle boxing champion to minister for sport. The floor that Jeremy was sprawled over belonged to him, as did the pot plant he had found Jeremy urinating in as he entered the room. This whole office was his, and he wasn't impressed with Jeremy's presence in it. Jeremy Jaffacake, who had been Audioslavia's most respected, if not respectful, sports journalist and incumbent manager of the post-war Audioslavia football team, was in trouble. The side had just gone through its third match without a win, and it was believed Jeremy's new found infatuation with hyper-aged whiskeys was to blame.
"You failed to research either of the last games of the first half of the qualifiers," continued Gregor, "and were even too inebriated to name a team sheet for the second game against ESF"
"Hey!" replied Jeremy, throwing an empty whiskey bottle to one side. Gregor watched with distain as he clattered his goldfish bowl off its stand, sending his beloved 'goldie' and 'fishy' cartwheeling into a box of paperclips and their doom. "If we'd gone with that... that..." he searched for the right word. "Eenushul... Enushul..."
"Initial?" offered Gregor
"Initial, yes... If we'd gone with my initial ideas for the team sheet, we'd have won. Jeremy looked up at Gregor, hopeful of some sort of agreeing nod. He recieved nothing of the sort.
"Jeremy.." started Gregor "on the teamsheet, for the ESF game..."
"Yes.."
"You named thirty-seven players"
"Well..."
"Thirty-seven, Jeremy. Now, it wouldn't have been that bad"
"Well you see..."
"It wouldn't, Jeremy, have been that bad..."
"Yes..."
"But thirty-two members of that 'starting eleven'"
"Er..."
"Were left-backs"
"Hey but..."
"And the remaining five, Jeremy, of the remaining five players that weren't left-backs"
"I..."
"You named yourself.."
"Yes..."
"Twice..."
"Well"
"You put your pet rabbit up front, in a strike partnership with..."
"Yes, but..."
"...with Pope Gregory the Ninth"
"..."
"And in goal, you put your son. Jerome Jaffacake-Phillips"
"Hey!" Jeremy blurted, standing up quickly to meat Gregor's gaze, before realising that remaining seated on the floor would be much more comfortable, with much less chance of him being sick.
"Yes, Jeremy?"
"JJ-P is a decent player, he's very very good..."
"Jerome Jaffacake-Phillips was indeed a decent player. He'd have fitted into any Audioslavian squad at any time."
"See?" Jeremy gave Gregor a smug smile. "That wasn't so much of a bad idea...". Gregor gave him a disapproving look.
"It was a bad idea. For three reasons." Jeremy's face fell. As did his back-up bottle of whiskey from his pocket. It smashed on the floor. Jeremy looked at it distainfully, before carefully picking his back-up back-up bottle of whiskey out of his pocket.
"One...", started Gregor. "Jerome Jaffacake-Phillips is not, never was, and never will be, a goalkeeper". Jeremy inhaled the first breath of an argument. A look at Gregor's frown made him think otherwise.
"Two. Jerome Jaffacake-Phillps played for the country of his birth, Krytenia."
"OK, but..."
"And three, Jeremy, number three, and possibly the most important of all..."
Jeremy took a swig from his whiskey. He figured that this was probably it, and he would be unlikely to leave the room with his job intact.
"Jerome Jaffacake-Phillips is dead. You out-lived him." Jeremy said nothing. "By about twenty-three years" continued Gregor. "...and counting". Jeremy said nothing and did nothing. He took another slug from the bottle and put it back in his pocket. He felt at least slightly sobered up now at least. He dreaded being asked the question, but knew it was about to be asked.
"..which brings me to the reason that we, the AAFA, are not going to give you the sack". Jeremy should have felt happy about this, but still felt apprehension at the prospect of being asked 'the question'. "We need to know, Jeremy..." Jeremy winced. "We need to know why it is, Jeremy, that you have been alive for the past two-hundred years, yet don't look a day over sixty". Jeremy hunched up his shoulders and made a slow, painful effort to get on the nearest chair. Sitting his arse down, he turned to Gregor.
"Well", he started, "the reason is this..."

List of the Saved
Errinundera

Casari never seemed to be lucky enough to get into a normal group. This season was very similar- two with fourteen points, two with thirteen points, one at twelve and one at eleven. Then again, it was always nice to have something interesting going on instead of a boring group which goes down along the lines.

---

"Wait, wait. Let's go over this again one more time, just to make sure we get it right." Mike said.

Silvia nodded, her foot on the ball at the corner of the practice field, the rest of the team milling about the penalty area. "I'm going to kick it in right at the near post. You need to hang right against it and give it a bit of a lift to cross into the goal, ok?"

"It'll never curve enough."

"I'm going to bend the everloving shit out of it, it'll make it there, just make sure you put it in." She said, talking a few steps back.

"It'll still never bend that much."

"I'm not going to put it out to the edge of the box and swing it back in, it's going to be almost straight down the line."

Mike shook his head and walked off. He had barely gotten into position when Silvia kicked the ball, watching it swerve in towards him in the thick humid air. Mike jumped, missed it, and watched it hit the far post and drop just inside.

"How the hell did that work?" Pan said, blinking. "That doesn't seem physically possible."

"I'm magic, that's now!" Silvia yelled, getting another ball. Flipping it up in the air, she started bouncing it on her head.

"Look at you, acting like a four year old." someone said from behind Silvia, leaning up against a silver sportscar. Silvia turned, the glint of fire and rage in her eyes, quickly going pale when she saw who was there.

"Oh, f**k."

The rest of the team was staring in a form of awe.

Vivica Hill walked onto the field, looking at the players. "Pfft, if we were still around from the old days, we wouldn't have to worry about being tied for the lead in a group."

Silvia rolled her eyes. "Aye, and if you were still around you would have been kicked out of the sport for ordering someone's legs broken. Why the hell are you here, mom?"

"Because if you're going to win, you need help." Vivica said. "Plus I managed to fit a keg in the backseat."

"In that case, how can we refuse?" Lori said.

---

"Kegball is a sport of grace, tact, and not spilling your beer." Vivica said, walking around the keg which was set at the edge of the field, on the center line. "Commit a foul, you chug a beer. Score a goal, you chug a beer. You do pretty much anything... and you chug a beer. Questions?"

"What does this have to do with anything?"

"Any others!"

Silence followed.

"Count off."

---

Soccer is not a tame sport, by any means. When drunk, it can get a bit worse, and a bit more worse when you open a pair of hydrants and soak the field so it's about a foot of mud.

But it's much more fun that way.

"Is there some way we can change the rules in order to play this instead of regular soccer? Cuz that would be awesome." Pan said, sitting in the mud and caressing the keg.

Mike stumbled over and sat on the bench. "I think that's the most disturbing thing I've seen all day."

Silvia sighed. "Oh no, it can get much worse than that."

O JUTENSE NEWSPAPER – ASSOCIATED WITH GLOBO MULTIMEDIA

WORLD CUP 37 QUALIFIERS COVERAGE
Match Report written by O Jutense editor, Milene Escobar
With phrases and images from Globo Multimedia’s coverage, commented by Breno Gavião
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ANOTHER GOOD AWAY WIN

http://img146.imageshack.us/img146/1348/noticia0017420pl2.jpg
Flecha scored one of the goals

The first half of the qualifying stage for World Cup 37 was good for the Monopolists. Two losses and five wins was a good performance, as the country had many problems in previous qualifying stages, with the exception of the first one that the country participated, in World Cup 32. After the first seven games, the team had to face New Brittonia again, this time playing again. And Cafundéu didn’t have difficulties to show its superiority and defeated the opponents.

The game was common, without many impressive plays or incidents. Cafundéu could score after some minutes of pressure and managed to secure the clean sheet, being able to score more goals. But there are some problems for the next game. Two players received yellow cards in the game, and were suspended: Eduardo Monte and the goalscorer Heitor. The team has enough strength to win without the two players, but they’ll be missed.

THE GAME

Franz Braddock used this game to show the new tactics of Cafundéu. With some tactical moves from set pieces and using well the abilities of the players, the visitors could control the game in the first minutes, attacking well. The only strange thing in the field was the referee, a robot from The HURD. The linesmen were robots too, and some players had difficulties to adapt themselves to this situation. Prepared with the most modern technology, MX145-4L v2.0 was having a good performance as the game’s referee.

Cafundéu could press the opponents, who were unable to reply with good attacks. Dominating the game, the first goal appeared. Toninho sent the ball to Anormal, who dribbled one of the opponent defenders and shot from outside the area. The ball hit the bar, the goalkeeper’s right leg, and entered into the goal. The referee considered it an Anormal goal, not an own goal of the goalkeeper, something that some experts defended. Read Breno Gavião:

“Cafundéu is attacking a lot, but still didn’t scorrrrre the necessarrrrry goal. Now the ball is with Toninho, who makes a good long pass to Anorrrrrrmal. The giant with the ball, rrrrruns over a defender. Prrrrrreparrrrrres the shot, look at the power of the shot! Hit the bar, the goalkeeper... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! The rrrrreplay comes in my scrrrrreen! Anorrrrrmal, number five! Cafundéu one, New Brrrrrittonia zerrrrro! What an unforrrrrtunate goalkeeper! Need a new cellphone? Come to Mídia Celularrrrres!”

The hosts had few chances to score a goal, and these were stopped by the defence and by the talented goalkeeper Lauro. So, Cafundéu could control the game with calm, and scored another goal few minutes later. Rato made an excellent pass to Flecha, who ran to reach the ball before the opponent defenders. He got the ball, dribbled the goalkeeper, one of the defenders and shot to the open goal. After that, the Monopolists controlled the win until the end of the first half.

http://img217.imageshack.us/img217/8357/wallpapergremio800x600oo6.jpg
New Brittonia team photo

In the second half, it was clear that Cafundéu’s main objective was to keep the positive result at all costs. But the robot-referee nearly destroyed Cafundéu’s plans in the first minute. After a confusion inside Lauro’s area, Eduardo Monte fouled an opponent. Penalty kick and yellow card to the Cafundelense defender. Heitor complained in Portuguese. The referee, programmed in many languages, understood and showed the yellow card to him. Luckily, the penalty taker sent the ball wide, losing the goal opportunity.

And, in an excellent play, Tales could finally shine. The player, who was alternating good and bad performances, and had difficulties to settle in the first team, received the ball from Anormal and started his individual play. Dribbled one opponent midfielder, the robot-referee, which was in his way, a defender and defeated the goalkeeper with a beautiful chip shot, scoring a goal to remember. He seemed really happy with the goal. Read Breno Gavião:

“Good tackle by Anorrrrrmal. The midfielder still is the key player of the team after so many yearrrrrrs of National Team. Now with a pass to Tales. Good drrrrrribble against an opponent. He will crrrrrrash with the rrrrrrobot... avoids it too. Now to face a defender... he’ll lose the ball, he can’t drrrrrribble too many players... but he does it! Now to scorrrrre the goal... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! I need to see the rrrrrreplay of the marrrrrvelous goal! Tales, number seven! Cafundéu thrrrrree, New Brrrrrittonia zerrrrro! Want to eat a good meal? Lots of meat? Go to Churrrrrrascarrrrria Boizão!”

The third goal stopped a possible (but not probably) reaction of New Brittonia. The home team’s players, sad with the bad performance at the team playing at home, lost their minds. A violent foul against Anormal, and a deserved red card to one of their wingers. The robot was doing an excellent job in the game, surprising some people that expected that the robot would break during the game. Controlling the result, Cafundéu could get the three points after the ninety minutes.

AFTER THE GAME

The victory satisfied the supporters and the media. The coach Franz Braddock said to the reporters: “A fine victory by a good margin. The team was well organized and listened to my instructions. I like when they make the moves that I created and trained them to do. Now, let’s keep the focus on the qualification, something that now seems much closer to us than it was when we started the qualifying stage of this World Cup.”

Tales was excited with the goal and with his good game. He said to the Cafundelense media: “I hope that this goal is the beginning of a new phase for me in the National Team. They say that I perform better in club football than when I’m playing for my nation. If that’s right, it’s not because I want so.” The midfielder Vergara said: “We need to win against the weaker countries. So, we can’t get overexcited with the result.”

http://img217.imageshack.us/img217/1396/061123luizaopg9.jpg
Tales commemorates goal after some bad performances

NEW BRITTONIA 0x3 CAFUNDÉU

Place: unknown place, in New Brittonia.
Attendance: unknown.
Referee: MX145-4L v2.0 (The HURD).
MOTM: Anormal (Cafundéu).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/new_brittonia.png NEW BRITTONIA: no team released.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Lauro, Léo Mattos, Toninho, Eduardo Monte and Souza; Anormal, Rato (Carioca 80’) and Neto (Vergara 45’); Tales, Heitor (Dário 65’) and Flecha.
Coach: Franz Braddock.

Goals:CAF: Anormal 29’ , Flecha 34’ , Tales 66’.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cafundéu – formation for game against Miroxia: Lauro, Léo Mattos, Toninho, Chico Serra and Souza; Anormal, Rato and Neto; Tales, Tramontina and Flecha.
Coach: Franz Braddock.
Style of +3

Match’s Referee: Edgar Vaniskausis (Kristovenia).

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Goalscorers after 8 games:

7- Heitor
4- Flecha
3- Neto and Anormal
1- Léo Mattos, Dário, Tales and Souza

Once again, in the video room of the Landau Institute. Millions of patients and doctors watching the game of the National Team.

DR. YKS - "Good result so far, one against zero. Let's keep the result, we need one more victory."

PATIENT 1,983 - "Yes, no more draws. We've had enough."

(Suddenly, two patients near Yks start to argue)

PATIENT 666,666 - "Sit down, man! I want to see the game!"

PATIENT 12,344,002 - "I won't sit. You can stand up or go to another place if you want."

PATIENT 666,666 - "Listen, this is my place. I watched all the games here during the last twenty years! This place has a sentimental value to me."

PATIENT 12,344,002 - "This is your problem."

PATIENT 666,666 - "So you won't sit?"

PATIENT 12,344,002 - "No. And now, I'll continue in this position just to make you angry. I have pleasure in this... Hahahaha! Hahahaha!"

PATIENT 666,666 - "You are crazy..."

PATIENT 12,344,002 - "I know. Hahahaha! That's why I am here!"

PATIENT 666,666 - "You wouldn't like to see me angry..."

PATIENT 12,344,002 - "I want, that's what I want. Please, I want to see you angry."

PATIENT 666,666 - (shouts like an animal) "Grrrrroooaaarrr! - (jumps and grabs patient 12,344,002's neck) - Satisfied? I am angry!"

DR. YKS - "A fight! I need to warn the professor!"

(Yks goes to warn the security)

PATIENT 1,983 - "Penalty for us!"

(patients 666,666 and 12,344,002 stop the fight)

PATIENT 666,666 - "Penalty!"

PATIENT 12,344,002 - "Penalty!"

PATIENT 1,983 - "Sabin will take it. Go girl, score the goal for us!"

(Sabin scores)

PATIENTS 1,983/666,666/12,344,002 - "GOOOOOOOOOOAL!"

(Yks returns with Professor Andaluz)

PROF. ANDALUZ - "Where is the fight?"

DR. YKS - "What happened? The two patients were fighting right here..."

PROF. ANDALUZ - "I see nothing. Only patients commemorating a goal. Return to your place, doctor."

DR. YKS - "Sorry, Professor."

Rejistania's Return

Today, the Geese played Rejistania in Gogari National Stadium. This was met with a lot of cristism after the 3-0 loss. When asked to comment, the coach gave none and it looks like the Geese will have to sahpe up or be sent packing.

After today's results, the Geese are fourth in the group their lowest place ever. Considering they were seeded sixth though, this is very good. The Rejistanians had increased their defence and do to the Geese's repeated show of lack of defence, the Rejistania team easily scored thrice.

With four wins and four losses and no draws the Geese are showing a surprisingly good track record and place record, placing 3rd and 2nd a few times and even 1st once, especially when compared with other teams in the region like Solenial, Miroxia and Miamoria.

The question still remains though, will the Geese make it to the World Cup proper? If they do, will it be through Play Offs or not? With six matches left, only time will tell.

The Winston Blog


The Islands of Qutar in danger of worst World Cup campaign ever - 12/11/2049

Hello there as you readers may have noticed The Islands of Qutar have made an incredibly poor campaign in Group 12 of qualifying, with only one win and that was against Taeshan, we've let The HURD and Solenial get a point when Qutar really should have taken all three and even when we see what the team is made of just when you start to dream, when we're holding The Lowland Clans 3-3 and having Gemma graze the bar and you let yourself think maybe we could actually win this game, suddenly fate snatches your hope away as a defensive error gives The Lowland Clans the fourth goal to steal the game away.

You may be expecting me to rant about the team and out manager and how they should all be sacked, but I simply can't because you can see moments in the games that show what we are capable of, what The Islands of Qutar is capable of. Its just seems like the fates are rolling us a bad throw and if somehow the fates gave us a break we could show just what we're made of.

Our next game puts us up against Lovisa who we lost by two goals to none away from home, but perhaps the home advantage and some help or at least no hinderance from the fates will lead to our victory.

Come on the Phoenixes!

RP cutoff.

It was a hard slog but the archaeological dig was finally down, the artifacts found (minus of course the statuette) are being taken to an Ariddian university, the same one where Ms. Le was studying for her PhD. Somehow loading the artifacts into an appropriate vehicle of some kind to first get them off the Island and back onto mainland Ariddia. All of which was obviously organised well in advance as it was easy to foresee that they would need to move the items.

All four of them travelled back, after Luke assisting Ms. Le with the archiving of the items which took some time. The headed out and flew back to Bazalonia which his work down for now he had some spare time that he could assist his colleagues in deciphering what these documents meant.

In the meantime on the plane the news "radio" channel of the in-flight entertainment started to broadcast the scores ans a brief run-down of the recent World Cup Qualifying matches.

Central Prestonia 0-2 Zwangzug ...

Central Prestonia seems to be doing a good job of holding the higher ranked teams to only a few goals, they are doing well, but not well enough to earn them wins against a team like Zwangzug.

Vuam and Isma 2-1 Bazalonia ...

The Bazalopes travelled to Vuam and Isma and performed very well, and seemed just very unlucky not to score more. There were no real contentious decisions, just unfortunate luck.

The knights upset in qutar 3-1. Hele scored the knights only goal, But the knights still hold third place in there group 4-1-4 and still have the playoff.

PRUXTON PRESS

Prawns FALL on the road again

Cookesland kept themselves in contention for at worst a playoff berth, as they avenged an earlier loss to Prux 2-1, dropping the Prawns to 1-4-4 in their inaugral qualifing campaign.

The Blue Owls jumped out to a 2-0 lead after 20 minutes on goals by Michael Fedris in the 17th and 20th minutes. Red Herring was completely distracted by the blue plastic owls that the fans behind his net were throwing at the back of the net, not to mention the actual owl someone snuck into the stadium that hooted throughout the first half. The Prawns manged to score on a goal by Italian w/ Hot Peppers Sub in the 85th minute to prevent the shut-out.

The team is now an even longer shot to qualify as they are now 9 points behind Cookesland with 5 matches to play but do have the tiebraker advantage at 4-2 in goals. Up next is a trip to The Crescent Republic, a game the Prawns must win to have any chance to get into the playoffs.

Prux' Scoring this match:
Italian w/ Hot Peppers: 85'

Prux' Overall scoring: (16 goals)
007: 7
Pi R. Squared: 3
The Sphinx: 3
Pies R. Round: 2
Italian w/ Hot Peppers: 1

Overall Record so far for Prux:
1 win-4 draws-4 losses 7 points, 7th in group 2 with a -7 goal differental.

"Don't know what got into you all, but 4 wins in a row, and 2 in a row at home is good." Rex Hill said after the 2-0 win over Kelssek. "Greg, glad you finally got to score again, been a few games huh? Ty Reed, good job out there for Zane West. I do have some bad news, Zane will miss the next match with Miamoria with a sprained knee ligament, so Ty, you're starting out there next game, you earned it. Miamoria is no pushover, even though we beat them 4-0 last time. they want to do the same to us, but like Kelssek, NO REVENGE TODAY! Have a good night and I'll see you tommorrow."

(Later in his Hotel Room...)
"Ma, Ma, you won't believe it! I'm starting the next match! ... Yes you and Dad can come, even Suzie too. ... Yes just go up to the ticket office, show your ID's and tell them that you have player's family seats. ...PLAYERS FAMILY SEATS. ... They're not front row, but they aren't nosebleed seats either. I think they are at mid-field, about 10 rows back. ...Yea Uncle George can come too, I get 10 free tickets, so anyone else around the neighborhood who wants to came can come too, just remember I only have 10 tickets. ... Ma, Ma! I got to go now, early practice tommorrow. .. Good night ma. ... Love you too. ... Night ma, I really got to go. Ok see you on Thrusday night then. .. Bye" Ty finally hung up the phone. "Parents, What you gonna do?"

"Well, I can think of a couple of things, Ty." answered Zuki, who finally crwled under the covers.

'"Definitely better than talking to a half-deaf parent." chuckled Ty as he ducked under the covers as well.


GOALS:
Qazox:
Greg Holden (3,4): 42', 60'

CARDS:
None


NSWiki for Qualifers: http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Qazox_at_World_Cup_37_Qualifing

The scene: Jeremy Jaffacake is drunkenly slumped on a chair in the office of Gregor MacGreigs, ex-bareknuckle boxing champion and current minister for sport in Audioslavia. JJ is surrounded by shards of broken glass from his carelessness with bottles of hyper-aged whiskey he found in some of the ancient, yet still intact, distilleries of post-war Audioslavia. He had entered the room with the initial (a word he finds difficult to pronounce whilst drunk) purpose of fighting for his job, but Gregor has told him that, in order to do so, he is required to tell him just why it is that he has been alive for centuries, yet has only aged about fifty years, making him appear much younger than the whiskey that, at the moment, is seeping between the cracks in the floorboards in Gregor's office.

Jeremy paused for breath. This was going to be a long one.
"OK", he started, unscrewing the cap to his back-up back-up bottle of whiskey. "It goes a little bit like this..."

Audioslavia 1 - 2 Halfassedstates
Best team wins, Audioslavia dont.

A well-spirited match between two friendly rivals ended with a well-deserved 2-1 win for Halfassedstates. The two sides played out 90 minutes of top-quality football, with both sides having the upper hand on various occasions. Unfortunately for the slaves' collective ego, Halfassed gave them a lesson in how take their chances and basically, showed them the way that 'winners' play football. If the 'slave team can take any plus points from the game, they are A: that side can give one of the world's top teams a run for their money, and B: that theyve still out-performed TnUI, who couldnt even qualify for the world cup.

This has been Jeremy Jaffacake reporting from Bedistan, g'night bitches.

"Remember that?" asked Jeremy.
"What.." came Gregor's reply. "You're asking if I remember you putting your fingers in the air, waggling them slightly and saying the words 'Quote Audioslavia, World Cup 8'? No sir, I don't believe I do remember that, but I'm sure I will in the future"
"Hmmm, nevermind" said Jeremy, sitting upright on his chair. "I was referencing this." Jeremy pulled out a satchel from underneath Gregor's desk. Ignoring Gregor's incredulous stare, he opened it. Pages upon pages of newspaper articles streamed out, most of them thankfully missing the patches of whiskey on the floor. Sifting through them, he found what he was looking for, an account of the Audioslavia vs Halfassedstates match from the first round of World Cup 8. He handed it to Gregor.
"This, this just looks like it was written by an illiterate loony"
"It was," replied Jeremy
"But its signed with your, ahem, 'trademark' signature"
"I've been Jeremy Jaffacake" said Jeremy Jaffacake, pausing only to give Gregor the 'wink' and the 'gun', "G'nite bitches". Gregor rolled his eyes.
"So why are you making me read this drivel?"
"Because", came Jeremy's reply, "It was my last article on World Cup 8, and my last article before I took a holiday. I went backpacking around The Holy Empire"
"Backpacking? Thats for hippies and students who can't be arsed to get a job" replied Gregor
"Well, I was only 24, and in any case, I had some soul-searching to do"
"What?"
"Look... Its not easy being a Jaffacake, you know..." Jeremy looked up to see Gregor's arms folded in exhasperated contempt. His ears, however, were peeled. "Even at the time of World Cup 8, a century before the civil war, there were divisions in Audioslavia. The catholic majority hated the fact that the government would never give in to making Audioslavia an officially catholic state, despite the fact that atheists, agnostics and protestants made up a decent 35% of the population. As a result, people like me, and my family, have always felt like we didn't belong, like we could be found out at any moment."
"You mean," started Gregor, leaning forward, "You mean you aren't, or weren't, catholic?"
"I'm a Jaffacake" came Jeremy's reply. "I'm orange to the core"
Gregor sat in disgusted silence.
"So basically..." Jeremy tried to continue. He was interupted by an incredulous bark from accross the desk.
"You utter bastard. I don't believe it. I always wondered, as did everyone else, but I never, ever, believed it". Gregor was angry. Jeremy tried to speak but was put off by Gregor's stare. "You, you've been waiting... for centuries, for FUCKING centuries.... to make a Jaffacake joke"
"You haven't let me finish my story..." Jeremy decided to carry on, regardless of Gregor's simmering rage at what he perceived to be a feeble joke about confectionary.
"I went to the Holy Empire, to Alasdair I Frosticus and then to The Archregimancy". Gregor's rage cooled slightly.
"Time moves slower there, doesn't it?" he asked. Jeremy gave him a look.
"In The Holy Empire, time doesn't just move slowly, it flips and foxtrots around you in a drunken stupor until it falls over and vomits a chronologically displeasing array of missed anniversaries all over your calender. Its a horrid state of affairs"
"I can imagine"
"But the weather's nice"
"Hmm"
"Anyway, so I went there and had a damn good time, at pretty much the same point as I stopped doing television and started merely 'phoning in' my articles on the plight of Audioslavian football, and etcetera." Jeremy could feel that realisation was beginning to sink in to Gregor's brain in much the same way that the whiskey was slowly making a mess of Gregor's underlay.
"Jeremy..." asked Gregor, sternly "how long did you spend in AIF?"
"Alltogether?" asked Jeremy, as innocently as he felt he could, "about three years, though i'd come back to Audioslavia every time I had to, for a footy match or to report to the FA, and of course i'd be going to the World Cup once every four years..."
"Four years?" interrupted Gregor "but you said you only stayed for..."
"Yes. Yes I did. Three years, or about eighty Audioslavian years. I found a really sweet spot in AIF, the eye of the time storm, if you will"

to be continued after the Hibs - Celtic game, so probably tommorow. I'm lazy like that.
Incidentally, Hibs won 3-2. GET IN THERE!

Oh no!

VDB loses 2-1 to Vephrall

The Vanek'ians lost 2-1 to Vephrall yesterday. This very disappointing loss was expected to be a win as the first game between these teams was a tie of 0-0. And the Vanek'ians have rolled off two good games in a row. Not now. Vephrall scored two goals to rocket out in front and the goalkeeping was phenomenal by the Vephrallians. The Vanek'ians did play poorly, missing easy shots and passes. The Vephrallians managed to commit to their chances.

Box Score:

Goals:

Wais (25)
Uambe (48)
Vanek (73)

Substitutions:
Romney- (48)Valentino

Cards:

Wais-yellow (73)
Romney-yellow (25)

St Samuel (1) 2
Ambrose-Douglas (0) 0

The Latin Crusaders kept there World Cup dream alive with a sturdy two nil win over bottom side, Ambrose-Douglas. The win puts St Samuel 5th and 1 point behind Rejistania and Uiri.

A nervous start by St Samuel almost saw Ambrose-Douglas take the lead in the first few minutes when Frankie Le Ricco miss-timed a pass back to goal keeper, Niclas Corinthian. The Ambrose-Douglas number 9 latached onto the loose ball and shot fist time, but Corinthian managed to get a hand to the ball and deny Ambrose-Douglas the lead.

After the initial panic in the first few minutes St Samuel went on to dominate the first half. Some good play between Sensini and Batista on the 24th minute saw the two midfielders link up well and then Sensini cross the ball where Dexter St John won the header only to hit the cross bar.

St Samuel were again denied by the wood work a few minutes later when Omar Batista strick from a good thirty yards out only to see his great effort hit the post. But nothing could stop Leo Sensini's 35th minute volley which got the St Samuel crowd going. Once again, Batista was causing mayhem for Ambrose-Douglas right back and after a sublime step over, floated the ball in, the keeper punched the ball clear, only as far as Sensini, who controlled the ball on his chest and then volleyed a rocket of a shot which smashed into the back of the net to put St Samuel one nil up.

Ambrose-Douglas were awarded a penalty just before half time when Monte-Pellaino bought down number 10 just before half time. Number 9 took the penalty and a poor effort straight down the middle of the goal saw Corinthian save his teams lead.

St Samuel looked even better in the second half and continued to dominate the run of play and Dexter St John very nearly made it 2-0 with a good shot which had beat the keeper, but cleared off the line by the centre back.

The Latin Crusaders finally managed to get there second goal of the game on the 64th minute, this time Sensini won the ball around the half way line and picked out Mazzeranni, who beat the offside trap and go one-on-one before knocking the ball in style into the back of the net.

St Samuel kept possession well for the remaining 20 minutes or so and were never really challenged against a demoralised Ambrose-Douglas team.

Amda-Mo: And in one of their most complete performances of the cup the Gnomes downed Estresse Intenso 3-1.

Lur-Mn: Indeed. We were denied the shutout once again, but the offense was clicking and we took a big step towards qualification. The doctors are not the easiest team to score on so putting three up on them is like putting four or five up on lower ranked teams.

Amda-Mo: So how did we puncture through their defense this time.

Lur-Mn: Well it started up front. Seoula was absolutely in the groove. His one time shot on a pass from Ip-Gp in the 8th was just brilliant. So that put us ahead. But it didn't stop there. The defenders really snuck forward beautifully and the defender to defender goal was amazing. The doctors weren't expecting Ca-Fu to move forward like that and his cross to the shortest player on the pitch in Hi-Kui was picture perfect. Hmr-Pn came up with a nice third goal in the 42nd to propel us to a 3-0 lead at the break and that was that.

Amda-Mo: Quite a change from the exhaustion tactics the team usually plays.

Lur-Mn: Indeed, and in the second half we really reverted to the tactics we used to ice the Baptism of Fire oh so many years ago of sitting on our lead.

Amda-Mo: So if we were sitting on our lead how did Estresse Intenso find their goal?

Lur-Mn: A well taken shot and an unlucky bounce. La-Yu was just a second slow so his contact instead of blocking the shot deflected it into the upper corner of the goal. It was disappointing to lose our shutout with just 7 minutes left, but that's the game of football. Still our best overall performance of the cup.

Amda-Mo: So how did that combine with other results in the group?

Lur-Mn: Amazingly the British Londinium - Kansiov game was of some importance. The game ended in a draw, which along with the Turtles winning and our result meant that we have a six point lead on Sel Appa, and they're another five points ahead of both British Londinium and Kansiov. Which means altogether we're 11 points clear for qualification and 2 wins or a win and two draws sees us through, regardless of other results. It would be probably the most stunning collapse in qualification history if we failed to advance now. And Sel Appa looks in good shape behind us, as to be expected. But that race for third is quite interesting.

Amda-Mo: And news from other groups?

Lur-Mn: No one has clinched quite yet, though Zwangzug's victory moves them ever so close. In a day of 1 versus 3 matchups the top teams took control with only Jeruselem and Vilita losing and Milchama having a draw. And those losses are consistent with Jeruselem and Vilita being the only top seeds not leading their groups.

Amda-Mo: Tough times for the Dallas gang, eh?

Lur-Mn: Indeed. That loss to Yafor 2 really stung. Now considering their group where there's only 1 point separating them in second from Candelaria & Marquez in second they should still be ok, but they need to get back to playing like they can. Jeruselem missing the proper would be stunning. You have to go all the way back to world cup 21 to find a cup they didn't make.

Amda-Mo: Wow that's a long time. We know that they're not on the list, let's see who is.

Lur-Mn: Well not much change from last time around. Only one team fell out.

6. Bettia

The hosts make it back into this list after they applied an absolute beat down to a good Geisenfried side. They're still looking up to the teams above them and our still in a battle with Turori for the group title, but they are back to playing Bettia style attacking football.

5. Elves Security Forces

Another day another 2-0 win over Sativaville. Beating a firmly mediocre team like Sativaville doesn't excite anyone too much, but it keeps them undefeated and pushing towards qualification. The Elven machine is still rumbling along.

4. Commerce Heights

Same story. A win over Kiryu-shi is good but has to be expected. It hasn't been quite as dominant or flashy as other victories they've produced, but it's still a win.

3. Az-cz

Our best game yet keeps us firmly cemented in the third spot. Our offense looked good and found enough to keep us winning and the defense while still allowing a goal is looking somewhat sharp. Amazingly allowing nearly a goal a game isn't that bad.

2. Errinundera

You have to be oughly impessed by the way Errinundera is just blowing away their group. They've been a wonderful team all qualifiers and a 3-1 win over Quakmybush certainly enhances that reputation. From a tough group what their doing is incredible.

1. Zwangzug

Zwangzug once again showed just how far they've come as they once again handled Northern Bettia easily enough. Back in world cup 33 Northern Bettia pipped Zwangzug for a playoff spot and made the proper while Zwangzug was left wanting, but now Zwangzug is arguably the best team in the world while Northern Bettia still has work to do to avoid missing the proper for a second straight cup. Nine wins in a row is impressive against any competition but dropping the Gogs twice and the Bazalopes once adds to that impression. I'd expect them to roll into that Bazalonia match undefeated.

Amda-Mo: The rankings have become much more stable as of late. Yeah apparently it wasn't that the list was off, just that the top teams hadn't really sorted themselves out yet. Now they seem to have. Will be rooting for at least the Gnomes to keep that streak up as they face British Londinium next.

It wasn't too turbulent of a ride back from Central Prestonia. So Coach Mcgimpy was naturally alarmed when he heard the sounds of vomiting from the back seat.

Calmly, he strolled in said direction. "Everything okay?"

"Not quite," Ian replied drolly, pointing at Phillip.

"All right," Mcgimpy sighed, "let's run through this. When you get sick, push the button up here. Everyone got that?"

"I can push butns?" Phillip asked eagerly.

"Your predecessor had a more restrictive policy," Timothy informed. "For obvious reasons."

Mcgimpy rolled his eyes.

"I'm fin tho. I can pla," Phillip added.

Mcgimpy laughed. "I don't think so. Gary?" He turned to seat 12B, where he was sure the substitute was seated...and where he found Ursula.

"Over here," Gary waved from 6A.

"Uh, hold on a sec." He glanced around, and noted that Natalie and Peter had also seemed to switch spots, but everyone else was accounted for. "Yeah. Okay. You're starting, then."

Phillip looked mildly disappointed.

...

"But I don't get it," Peter repeated once again, staring into the crowded stands. "Where did all those people come from?"

"Around here," Jacob shrugged. "Northern Bettia."

"My cousins came here to see me play," Eddie beamed.

"They picked a good day for it," Andrew muttered. "Run us through the plan once again?"

"Get out of the way whenever possible. If they're going to concentrate on scoring goals, we can too." If there was one problem in his team's setup, Jacob thought to himself, it was its mutability. Other team's tactics easily dictated the way Zwangzug responded.

But it beat the alternative.

"Good plan," Andrew smirked. "Let's...not get killed. Okay?"

"Okay!" the team responded.

A goal from Peter made it 1-0 at halftime, and a fairly inexperienced AC Waters struggled to hold it there. It might have worked, too, had not PO Shiganu's dive to fool the referee into thinking Steven had fouled him landed directly on top of Gary. The forward's penalty kick increased the scoreline to 2-0, but the veteran Maehara was instrumental in orchestrating the Fire Ant defense to keep it as such.

Even after the final whistle blew, the real action was just beginning. Disgruntled members of the Yuna Crew, combined with those from several "wannabe" groups (more than a few of which were from Zwangzug), were slowly migrating out into what had once been a parking lot and was now a combined subway stop and host to a bike rack the length of a football field.

Jessica Miller was among those trying to escape. "Just ignore them!" she hollered to a friend as a crumpled pop can hit her in the shoulder. "All of them!" She snatched another projectile out of the air.

"I ¬wud du that," her friend replied.

"Why not? It would have hit that kid." She pointed to a teenager who was eagerly helping the visiting fans determine the correct location of an apostrophe in the message they were attempting to spray-paint on the nearest wall.

"Right, so ur defending him. I ¬think thez giz lik sistum karela ethur..."

Geese win Away game vs Sorhtern Northland 5-0

Today the Geese have pulled out another win, and it looks like they'll be able to pull out a couple more this season. Kilod has recovered from his letting in streak and the Geese's defence has been shaped up too.

Okudil scored twice, Ederat, Vinopetin and Galorinos each scored once as well. Near the end of the game, Okudil nearly made his two goals into a hat trick but he ran out of time first. Kilod made several great saves and Hulo made a couple too.

Baro may be playing in the next Home game say his doctors. Baro himself seems quite eager as does the coach who feels that the recent losses are due to Baro being out of the game.

"Baro is a valuable player and when two of our midfielders keep having to play for the entire game it wears them out. Especially against world class teams like Ariddia" -Coach

Chloe Dumas wasn't displeased with her squad's performance, but she knew they could do better. Even without utilizing their full natural physical advantages she knew they had mental advantages they could utilize but they just weren't getting it done. She decided that maybe one thing she could do to help the team was go visit a "teacher" to see if she could learn any tricks as well as just learn about them in general. As she was having little success teaching the Ulzaxids she thought it could help.

The "teachers" as the Ulzaxids called them when they talked about them to humanoids Chloe couldn't help but think of as "hiveminds". For you see a teacher in Ulzaxid didn't teach in the sense humans think of them, but functioned in a role similiar to a removable memory device for a computer. How teachers in Ulzaxid worked was to morph together with an Ulzaxid who had just learned some piece of information they did this with any number of Ulzaxid's to gather a lot of information in their brains. Then they'd meet with each other to concentrate the amount of knowledge even further in their brains. Then they'd distribute it throughout Ulzaxid society. While teachers were well respected and played a very important role in Ulzaxid society, they were considered to be especially egoless. For unlock my Ulzaxids who spent most of their time working with just their indivual collection of animals, teachers were brain swapping all the time. As such it was very hard for them to maintain an accurate distinction of just who they were. Chloe had learned all of this, but hadn't yet met one. But she arranged through the head coach to meet one.

Chloe was excited about meeting a teacher because it was such a radical idea to her. She hoped she could learn a lot of interesting stuff. When she met the teacher her guide had business to take care of so left before introductions leaving Chloe on her own.

"Excuse me Ms. Montessori," Chloe asked using the name the teacher had created for itself.

"Come in. You must be Chloe Dumas, the Ariddian working with our soccer team."

"Yes I am. I hope I'm not bothering you too much, but it will be helpful both to my work with the team and my studies to talk with you."

"Don't worry about it. I'd love to help my nation in any way that I can."

"Alright, first can I ask you some background questions?"

"Anything you want to ask is ok."

"Alright then, how did you end up as a teacher?"

"Ever since the first time I shared a mind with another that process has been very appealing to me. I love learning the minds of others and there thought processes."

"Do you still feel like yourself after all of these years?"

"Myself? Sorry. I don't know what you mean. Of course I feel like myself."

"But don't you feel different than you used to?"

"Of course I do, but do you feel the same as you did when you were younger? We all change over time."

Chloe groaned to herself. She clearly wasn't getting her point across. The Ulzaxid noticed and tried to calm Chloe.

"Dear girl," Ms. Montessori began, "don't get upset. I just don't understand you. It's so much harder when I can't just share your brain."

"Yeah I know, it's just so frustrating to be misunderstood all the time. It so hard to communicate with Ulzaxids."

"I know, but it's hard for us to. Your language is so limiting. I'm sure there must be times when even another human can't understand you, even another Ariddian."

"That's true, but we're much better at guessing."

"That's true. Why don't you try again. I'll try to figure out what you mean."

"Ok so when you were born, for lack of a better word, you were born as five different animals. Eventually they paired up and made the morph you are today. Do you still feel like that collection of animals?"

"I see what you're getting at. And the answer is I don't know. I don't feel like not that collection of animals, but if you asked me to tell you which of my memories are ones I've actually done and which are taken from others I couldn't tell you. But when it comes right down to it, none of that matters. The thing that I think of as me is me regardless of what is mixed with it. Even though I've shared my thoughts and memories millions and millions of times I still end up with a unique combination of knowledge and memories. So that's who I am. Whether the memories are connected to the physical flesh is of no importance."

"Doesn't that bother you?"

"Dear heavens no. The freedom it grants is amazing. Not being tied to my physical flesh in that way is great. I can literally be anything I want to be. I can know what it's like to have any kind of personality. I can think back on trips to places I've never been and things I've never done. I have as much actual experience as anyone else, but more virtual experience than almost anyone."

"Have you ever tried to teach anyone in a regular manner?"

"No, sorry I haven't. There's just no point. Even our communication isn't really teaching like that."

"Do you have any advice on how to teach other Ulzaxids? I'm trying to improve the level of the soccer team's play but I'm just not really getting them to understand my coaching."

"Well the easiest thing to do, if it's safe, would be to mind meld with one of them."

Chloe looked up in shock. She hadn't considered the possibility yet. She blurted out, "that can't be possible. can it?"

Ms. Montessori replied, "of course it's possible. We can mind meld with anything that has a mind. Of course it's not always safe to do so. And there would be all kinds of political and social issues about melding with a fully sentient being. We've never melded with a fully sentient non-Ulzaxid before, so that would be dangerous. But it's possible."

Chloe's mind reeled. She was both intrigued and afraid of the possibility. But she would definitely want to look into it more. However for now it wouldn't help. "Do you have any other advice?"

"Well one thing would be to talk to a researcher. They have to actually learn things that are unknown to Ulzaxids. So they'd have some insight into how to do so. The other piece of advice I would give to you is to try to make the advice using as much physical memory as possible. Coaching and tactics are of course helpful but they'll have a harder time translating that kind of advice to performance than if its something they actually experience and then they can share that experience with each other. Unfortunately most Ulzaxids just aren't very good learners in the way that you can teach us. But try to talk to a researcher, they ought to be able to help you more."

"Thank you very much. It's been very interesting to talk to you."

"You're welcome, if you have more time please come back."

With that Chloe took her leave and headed back to her host family. The idea of melding with an Ulzaxid was intriguing, but she wasn't sure if she was willing to give herself up like that. It was definitely something she was going to start researching.

“You’re watching TTO. It’s just gone Seven, and it’s time… for the Football Show.”

TTO’s logo lingers for a little too long… and a bit longer, before the show’s intro sequence starts suddenly, already half-way through. Club badges whirl around the screen like a bad drug experience, as a large group of extras unconvincingly pretending to be football fans cheer and pump their fists for no apparent reason.

Cut to the studio; a creation of Hell which suggests strongly that the network over-ordered red plaster-board at the last stationwide refit. Vomit-inducing camerawork pans rapidly across a nondescript collection of old pros and journalists before reaching presenter Rich Stevens, who beams with a smile that betrays his inability to quite believe his luck.

“Good Evening! And. Welcome to the FootballshowI’m. Rich Stevens tonight! We review all the action from C&M’s ker-runch tie with Rastafariburg…” (The on-screen “Coming Up” package decides to make an appearance; one item behind the voiceover, Two Ronnies-style) “… The vital statistics from the weekend see-em-ess-see including that pheasant incident… We talk to Abiodun’s Shane Wos…cheyenne…cow…sky…” (Wojciechowski) “About the Storming Normans’ sensational start to the season… And we discover just what football clubs are doing for their local area and to do that. I’m joined by the legend that is Tom McIndoe…”

“Aye.”

“Former Abiodun Manager Paulson Gates…”

“Mm.”

“And, from the Herald, Simeon Barness.”

“I can homologate that with unequivocalness.”

“Oh, ho… Ho-kay. But we can start with last night’s international, and some disappointment. For Mark Baker’s men.”

Cuts to the highlights package. TTO lacks the rights to national team games, and can’t quite bring itself to stick a ‘Picture from TV1’ sign on the bottom. They make do with newspaper stills from the game, livened up by odd angles, purple polka dots and general Roy Lichtenstein gubbins. The tune of a slightly inappropriate pop-rock song accompanies it.

“So Tom, home draw to Rastafariburg, no goals scored… That’s got to be considered a bad result, hasn’t it?”

“Ah wheel luke, ye na, no girls consayded neeter; tha’ go’ tabby abby wi’ tha’. A punts nod tabby snoffed a’ye’narrr, were seccen t’in grape, tha’s al were c’n rilly arse ‘f’.”

Pause as other three members of the panel wonder, as Candelariasian football fans have since what seems like the dawn of time, where exactly the great McIndoe hails from. Stevens bravely attempts to continue.

“Ar. Um, what about thee then, Paulson? It does leave us second, but we’re not wrong to want more than that, surely? With visits from Qazox and Yafor 2, never mind a trip to Jeruselem, that’s a major opportunity lost, isn’t it?”

“Mm. Mm, it is yeah.”

“Okay. Sim–”

“As manifest as the Tetragrammation forged duodecimo loden Granny Smiths, so our noble condottiere will know that it has been a duality of points squandered rather than one appropriated. But our castle in Spain has always been built on sand, and we are in an erective position equally without foundation. To qualify, why it conjures up the völkerwanderung of Gulliver; for we have seen majesties of sphinxian inscrutability this annum, but I fear that the experience will send us all to the booby-hatch. Or, at least, it seems our foreordained fate to fall from providence.”

“You think we’re probably off to the Cup of Harmony?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, Qazox of course are a different matter, we’ll show you their goals from last night a little later, but can we really expect to beat them on home turf? And will it help that they appear to think they’ve got Miamoria next?”

“Ah, yena it kid be, boat thave gar player shin ow, t’Wests unyung Ty Reed… an’ occus Yangtze Free, (chuckles)”

“Yancy Fry?”

“Nnnn…!”

“Well, we’ll return to international football a little later on but. First, in our continuing Football in the Community segment, Liz Capper is in Caires to see first hand the work of Errant Knights players with the city’s children in–”

CLICK!

The sounds of a nation switching over, mostly to TV2’s populist nature documentary series Capybara Castle, where Dave Capybara has just confounded the critics by giving birth to twins…

"Are the renovations ready?" Allen asked.

"Well, there are still some things they're fixing on the north terrace, but the pitch has been relaid and is in fine shape, the entire lower bowl has been redone... it's ready."

"About damn time."

---

Tyrellian Ylompic Stadium wasn't built for soccer, but secretly it was.

It's confusing, I know.

The Ylompics which took place in Tyrellia were the first successful multi-sport event to be pulled off, the gigantic Ylompic Stadium being built for the event. Even if it did look like a giant muffin, of course.

After the Ylompics, stands were put in to move the fans closer- eliminating the round ends, but the field remained huge- as large as it could be for the competition that was being played. Over time the field had been replaced numerous times, seats had been put in and taken out, a rat problem had developed and was crushed with better doors, and now, the National Team was returning.

---

"This place is freaking huge." Scott muttered, looking up at the seats.

"Can you believe that they used to fill this?" Pan asked quietly, kicking at the extremely hard-rolled turf.

"Oh yeah, we filled it." Vivica Hill said, carrying a ball. "The old National Stadium, too. I remember the 1488 CSA Cup final. That was a game."

"Weren't there 6 separate Red Cards in that match?"

"Aye, that's why it was fun."

Silvia sighed and looked at the sky through the huge red beams that bent over the field.

"The special thing about Ylompic is it's size. The field is huge. As such, there's so much room on the wings it's impossible not to get crosses in. And seeing as we have the Magical Seal Girl over there, we shouldn't have scoring problems." Mike said, glancing at Silvia.

"We could just take them out, too." Lori said. "If anyone comes close to the goal, I'll kick them in their jewels, that ought to help."

"How on earth would that help?"

"It'd take them out of the game. And with cleats on?

"We're rapidly reaching a World Record for the most bad ideas in the history of the world." Silvia said. "We could just practice."

"I think she's far too serious for this team." Pan said flatly. "But, she is right. Ball!" Vivica threw the ball out onto the field and Pan ran with it, getting disgustingly close to a goal and shanking it off his ankle, missing the net.

"Wow. Just... wow." Silvia muttered. "See, that's why you never score." she yelled.

"What, bad luck?"

"No, you just suck that badly."

News items from the First Creek Falls (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/First_Creek_Falls) Age.

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IT’S OFFICIAL: ERRINUNDERA GODLESS STILL

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Father patrick: losing priests

The Errinundrian Bureau of Statistics today released the latest data from last year's census, this time on the religious affiliations of its citizens. The ten most frequent responses were as follows:

80.5% Atheist, Agnostic, No religion
10.6% No answer or not adequately described
4.7% Dreamtimers
1.2% Jedi
1.0% Football
0.9% Buddhism
0.6% Orthodox Christian
0.2% Judaism
0.1% Catholicism
0.1% Hindu

Spokesperson for the Bureau, umbereek, advised caution when interpreting the results. “Answering this question is optional and many people, particularly the many refugees who have made Errinundera their home, prefer not to reveal their beliefs. The ‘No answer or not adequately described’ category is much larger than all the established religions combined and could well significantly alter the their status if we knew what their beliefs were. Of course, it could well be people just couldn’t be bothered responding.”

Big movers on the table were Dreamtimers who have been growing in popularity ever since claims were aired that the Frosty Hollow Stadium was built on the site of the legendary Errinu tree. The percentage of Buddhists and Orthodox Christians has also increased while Jedi, Football and Judaism have declined. “Perhaps this represents a decline in Errinundrians' sense of humour,” suggested a bemused umbereek.

Father patrick from the Parish of St Columcille here in First Creek Falls was disappointed with the results. “It’s very hard. We cannot convert people, let alone recruit priests, nuns and brothers to spread the message. We used to bring missionaries in from overseas but about three quarters of them would, after a year or two, toss in their vocation and join the godless masses. Now, no other diocese from overseas is willing to send anyone. It seems you have to convert a famous footballer to gain adherents.”

YOUNG PLAYERS STAR AGAINST QUAKMYBUSH

At a packed press conference after the match, coach of the Potoroos, rosaniel, praised two first year players, eboshiadu and local star catsuku, for their performances against QMB here at the National Downfall Stadium today. “It gives me a lot of confidence in our future, when we get best on ground performances from young players of the calibre of these two women. catsuku is a very well organised midfielder who has demonstrated a capacity to adapt to the varying conditions from match to match. There’s a wise head on those shoulders.”

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catsuku: organised

rosaniel particularly praised the effort of eboshiadu in defence. “Wasn’t she sensational today? I liken her to a samurai with her fanaticism and sense of duty to the team. She simply carved up the other side. It’s worth noting that Quakmybush’s only goal was scored when eboshiadu left the ground after a knock to the knee. Our senior defender haimaidu is 35 and this is probably her last Cup campaign. With eboshiadu and aryayre we have players who will lead our defence in future cups.” rosaniel confirmed, when asked, that eboshiadu’s injury wasn’t serious, however she would be rested for the match against Jeru FC as a precaution.

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eboshiadu: stylish yet ruthless

The game was marred when rugged midfielder, ipieomenicu, knocked out Cory Sorley with a carelessly applied elbow in the 80th minute. “I was feeling very ‘Sorley’ after the game,” the QMB forward reputedly commented later. The red card was the Ripper’s fourth and will leave him sidelined for three matches. Sorley may miss one game but team doctor, “Digger” O’Reilly is hoping for a full recovery in time for the next match. Potoroo coach, rosaniel, was scathing in her criticism of the Ripper. “The guy is a goon. He’s a good player and doesn’t need to do those sorts of things.”

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ipieomenicu: 4th red card

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Errinundera 3
(avilmou 36, catsuku 56, scerberu 76)
(leighm medal votes: eboshiadu 3, catsuku 2, agloir 1)

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Quakmybush 1
(Graves 86)

Errinundera's WC37 scorers:
scerberu 15
breretond 6
avilmou 5
immelfar 3
sanoo 2
catsuku 1
ipieomenicu 1
oovaroo 1
otemki 1

leighm medal tally:
scerberu 13
agloir 8
ipieomenicu 6
aryarye 4
catsuku 4
eboshiadu 4
aptai 3
breretond 3
henyua 3
avilmou 2
haimaidu 2
onito 2

TEAM SELECTION FOR THE GAME AGAINST JERU FC

Forwards: scerberu, breretond, avilmou, immelfar (sub)
Midfielders: agloir (dvc), aptai, henyua, catsuku, iribu (sub)
Backs: haimaidu (vc), aryayre, froesu, ikasa (sub)
Keepers: onito (c), readnough(sub)

In: immelfar, henyua, haimaidu, onito
Out: otemki (rested), ipieomenicu (suspended), eboshiadu (knee), oyavereig (rested)

Venue: Somewhere in Jeruselem

The Bung Karno Blow Pipe

Brought to you by:
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In a shocking development, officials from the The Non-RPing n00b Football Association claimed today that the match between the n00bs and the Darts never took place. They further alleged that the match score of nil-all was entirely fabricated. "There has been no trace of our players, officials and staff," claimed the President of the NRPnFA, Artur Lee Nobdy. "The World Cup Committee has also reported that the officiating team has also gone missing. It is our contention that some foul misdeed has occured in that benighted and pestulant nation."

President of the Patusan Football Association, Anwar Abdul, said in a news conference today that authorities in Patusan were co-operating with the Non-RPing noob and the World Cup Committee. "Investigations are concentrating on markets and butchers' shops around the nation."

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Patusan's butchers' shops: are the n00bs here?

THE MONASTIC TIMES

MONKS CONTINUE TO STRUGGLE
Difficult Soul-Strengthening Campaign 'Building Humility'

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe


Despite last night's 4-1 victory over Nebuleux, which sent the Archregimancy back into third place and a play-off spot, another disappointing draw against Integrite and a shocking 2-1 loss to Jeru FC have clearly marked this out as a difficult campaign of struggle for the World Cup's leading team of Orthodox monks. Indeed, the Jeru FC result briefly saw the group 1 second seeds slip to 5th in the table.

Team coach Fr. Nicholas the Unmercenary declared himself to be 'unconcerned' at the campaign, noting only that it took over 300 years to convert the Roman Empire to Christianity, and that the long campaign of persecution and martyrdom that resulted rather overshadowed the Archregimancy's ongoing difficulties in World Cup 38. "And besides" he added, "after that Errinundera debacle, it was important that we re-focus on building humility. A couple of bad results helps us remember that achieving superstardom with a bunch of heathens is not the primary focus of this campaign."

Elsewhere, the Monastic Football Association and the Holy Synod of the Archregimancy are said to be 'delighted' at the dedication of the church of St. Dmitri of Rostov in Errinundera. "Once again it proves that the policy of tolerance is working in finding converts" said a senior archimandrite, speaking on condition of anonymity. "Orthodoxy is also one of the fastest-growing faiths in Errinundera - we might well be 100% larger than in the last Errinunderan census!" When quizzed about what percentage of the overall population had converted to Orthodoxy, the archimandrite apologised for not having those precise figures to hand, and asked us to focus on the tremendous growth of the One True Church.

O JUTENSE NEWSPAPER – ASSOCIATED WITH GLOBO MULTIMEDIA

WORLD CUP 37 QUALIFIERS COVERAGE
Match Report written by O Jutense editor, Milene Escobar
With phrases and images from Globo Multimedia’s coverage, commented by Breno Gavião
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

BRILLIANT PERFORMANCE OF THE MONOPOLISTS IN PRISON CITY

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View of the prison, where the Presídio stadium is located

Another game in Cafundéu. This time, the host city was the famous prison city of Carandirú. Many of the prisoners of the city could watch an excellent game (for Cafundéu only), conquered with a lot of team work and good offensive power. Miroxia repeated New Brittonia’s performance of last game, being unable to attack properly and not being dangerous during the game. This way, the Monopolists could reach 21 points in the qualifying stage.

As Milchama and JSY drew, the round was very good for Cafundéu, who is now much closer to the qualification (nine points) with five games remaining. The next game, against Jariss, will be important to see if the Monopolists can defeat a defensive team playing away. But the more important games will be, of course, the ones against Milchama and Commerce Heights JSY. The players and the team’s staff are confident in positive results in these games.

THE GAME

The coach Franz Braddock decided to use the same strategy of the game against New Brittonia, although two important players of the team were suspended. But the team didn’t miss them very much, mainly because of the weakness of the opponent team, which didn’t have enough strength to attack. Cafundéu held the ball in the midfield, and, after some time, the first good chances appeared. Rato passed the ball to Tales, who invaded the area and shot to score the first goal of the game.

Miroxia’s players were unmotivated, and made many mistakes, missing many passes. The Monopolists took advantage of the situation, and attacked even more. The second goal was just a matter of time. Anormal started the play, exchanging passes with Tramontina, who made an excellent pass to the midfielder Rato. The talented Clube Imperial player invaded the area, dribbled Quest and shot. The goalkeeper saved, but Rato got the rebound and shot again to score the goal. Read Breno Gavião:

“Anorrrrrrmal. Passes the ball to Trrrrramontina. Back to the giant. The ball is rrrrrreturrrrrrned to Trrrrramontina, who passes the ball to Anorrrrrmal, who rrrrreplies passing the ball to Trrrrramontina. They decide to stop exchanging passes. Now to Rrrrrato in the attack, the player invades the arrrrrea, drrrrrribbles Quest, shoots... McRod! The rrrrrebound... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Rrrrreplay is necessarrrrry herrrrre! Rrrrrato, number eight! Cafundéu one, Mirrrrroxia zerrrrro! Want to rrrrremember the old music? Buy our exclusive Flashback cds!”

This time, Franz Braddock decided to give freedom to the players, and stopped giving orders to them. Because of that, Cafundéu continued attacking, but this time with more will and motivation than tactics. Miroxia could only try to defend, but their efforts weren’t sufficient. After two minutes of injury time, Tales passed the ball to Anormal in the entrance of the area. The giant kicked the ball with power and scored a beautiful goal.

http://img92.imageshack.us/img92/2954/torcidauw2.jpg
Aerial view of the game

In the second half, the coach of Cafundéu mantained the same strategy, letting the players do what their wanted to. During ten minutes, the Monopolists continued with the offensive style of play, but Miroxia’s defense had less difficulties to avoid the goals. Facing that scenario, Braddock decided to put his finger in the team again, making substitutions and sending orders to the players again, to recover the total dominance of the game.

The changes affected the team positively. The team could use some of its trained moves to surprise the Miroxian team. The visitors’ defence seemed a lot better in the second half, and Lee could tackle Tales and Flecha when they were going to shoot at the goal, in many opportunities. But Cafundéu was only forcing Miroxia to create a breach in the defence. Tales and Flecha ran to the attack, but Wilson Magrão passed the ball to Rato, who, unmarked, scored another goal. Read Breno Gavião:

“Now the ball is passed to Wilson Magrrrrrão. He has two strrrrrrong options with Flecha and Tales, but both playerrrrrs arrrrre being marrrrrked by Miroxia defenderrrrrrs. Wilson stops, prrrrrreparrrrrres the pass... to Rrrrrrato! What a surrrrrrprrrrrrise, he invades the arrrrrea alone, is going to scorrrrre... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Please rrrrrreplay this grrrrreat move! Rrrrrato, number eight! Cafundéu four, Mirrrrrroxia zerrrrrro! Arrrrrms and bombs, for all the possible warrrrrs! Only in My Arrrrrrmy.com!”

The “goleada” was perfect for the team, who ever hoped to score many goals in the game. The prisoners that were watching the game were very happy, and commemorated with the police officers. Cafundéu had some chances to score the fifth goal, but this wasn’t important anymore. Winning by four goals of difference, all that the Monopolists wanted was to go back to home with the points and continue strong in the qualification stage.

AFTER THE GAME

The supporters and prisoners were commenting about the good performance of the National Team in the World Cup. The coach Franz Braddock said in the usual interview after the game: “More four goals. Our attack is playing really well, I think that the new formation with three attackers, which wasn’t used often in the National Team, combined well with my tactics. I used this formation in Petardos S/A, with Ijak, Gabalán and Newton in the attack.”

Rato, who was the best player of the game, said to the reporters: “It took me a lot of time to score in these qualifiers. I’m an offensive midfielder that usually scores many goals, so I’m glad that I was able to score today.” The other player to talk was the winger Léo Mattos. He said: “They didn’t attack very much, so I could help the team in the offensive plays. It’s good when the other team can’t attack well, we feel more secure.”

http://img297.imageshack.us/img297/5482/juanbotafogory6.jpg
Rato commemorates good game

CAFUNDÉU 4x0 MIROXIA

Place: Presídio, in Carandirú City.
Attendance: 75,000 people (30,000 prisoners).
Referee: Edgar Vaniskausis (Kristovenia).
MOTM: Rato (Cafundéu).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Lauro, Léo Mattos, Toninho, Chico Serra and Souza; Anormal, Rato and Neto (Wilson Magrão 68’); Tales, Tramontina (Dário 55’) and Flecha (Marcelinho 68’).
Coach: Franz Braddock.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/miroxia.png MIROXIA: McRod, North, Quest and Lee; Gay, Ronalds, Arnolds and Spout (Test 45’); Aztec, South (Northberg 45’) and Alston (Jackson 45’).
Coach: Greg Bolsoki.

Goals:CAF: Tales 9’ , Rato 17’/73’ , Anormal 45’+.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cafundéu – formation for game against Jariss: Lauro, Léo Mattos, Toninho, Eduardo Monte and Souza; Anormal, Rato and Neto; Tales, Heitor and Flecha.
Coach: Franz Braddock.
Style of +3

Match’s Referee: Fr. Lucas the Fair (The Archregimancy).

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Goalscorers after 9 games:

7- Heitor
4- Flecha and Anormal
3- Neto
2- Rato and Tales
1- Léo Mattos, Dário and Souza

Second press conference of The Machine, coach of Landau Institute's National Team, which represents the chaotic country of Estresse Intenso. He talks about his team's loss against Az-cz and his preferences.

THE MACHINE - "You need to understand that it's difficult to defeat a better ranked team."

THE MACHINE - "Az-cz is a strong team, attacks a lot, we only defend. After so much pressure, the goal happens."

THE MACHINE - "There is space for improvement in the team, of course. Too bad that they're humans, so we can't improve their abilities without some kind of doping, which is not allowed."

THE MACHINE - "Please don't refer to me as "it". Although I'm a machine, I think like a person, and I have feelings too. When someone talks about me like if I were an animal, I feel very sad."

THE MACHINE - "We'll keep our formation with one attacker. Pitanguy doesn't listen to me, I don't like it. The players need to obey me, I know what to do to win a game."

THE MACHINE - "Quevedo is a good defender, but the Monk is too. I'm undecided... it's a strange situation for me."

THE MACHINE - "The team is a big family. I am part of this family. I will only abandon the team when I die. As I'm a machine, I'll never die. And please, don't try to destroy me."

THE MACHINE - "It's nice to be famous. The patients ask for autographs, I like to sign my name in pieces of paper."

THE MACHINE - "I don't know who my father is. He is a programmer from a foreign country, but I don't know from where. I want to find my father."

THE MACHINE - "Please father, I want to meet you!"

THE MACHINE - "I'm hungry."

RP cutoff.

National team still searching for manager

After Vephrall national team manager Ostalir Pasarap was sacked by the VFR following the team's loss to British Londinium on matchday eight, assistant Rhoetang Dotsmens has served as interim manager. His results so far have not been particularly encouraging, with a narrow win over Vanek Drury Brieres and a three-nil stomping at home by Sel Appa. The VFR have not yet made public their list of new managerial candidates, but judging by the way things are going, Dotsmens is unlikely to be one of the frontrunners.

"All right, All right calm down. So we got screwed again by these referees in a game. It's happened before and probably again, but At least we're not scheduled to have these refs again. Good news is we still control our destiny, and 3 of the last 4 matches are at home. You all played a great game out there, just bad luck and a bad call kept us from at least drawing this game. Same team as today against Miamoria later this week. They're still in it so they will be coming at us full barrel. I want a 100% effort out there tommorrow for practice. See you tommorrow." Rex Hill said after spending 20 minutes in the referress locker room swearing a blue streak.

"Coach, you ok, you're beginning to tear out clumps of your hair." Someone said.

"Yeah, I'm fine, just pissed off that that delibrate handball deflected off of Hank Hunker and into the net that's all. We got to buckle down now." Hill said leaving the room.



GOALS:
Qazox:
NONE
(Own Goal- Hank Hunker 89')

CARDS:
None


NSWiki for Qualifers: http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Qazox_at_World_Cup_37_Qualifing

PRUXTON PRESS

Prux shut-down and shut-out

Thankfully the people of Prux didn't have to see this match at all, due to the mysterious power outage that struck about 30 minutes before the kickoff of the match with the Crescent Republic. Prux was shut-out for only the 2nd time ever 1-0 on a penalty kick in the 7th minute by a TCR player wearing the number 5. Other than that, was the sloppiest game of foosball ever seen as that lone PK was the only shot on net all night and Prux is now just about eliminted with matches against Wentland and ESF still on the docket.

President Glenn Quagmire has vowed to look into the power outage, but sources speculate that a duck flew into a power line and shorted the system.

Prux' Scoring this match:
NONE

Prux' Overall scoring: (16 goals)
007: 7
Pi R. Squared: 3
The Sphinx: 3
Pies R. Round: 2
Italian w/ Hot Peppers: 1

Overall Record so far for Prux:
1 win-4 draws-5 losses 7 points, 8th in group 2 with a -8 goal differental.

About halfway between Uggville and Italiana, about hundred kms from the Kollara/North Bazalonia border was the secret dig-site of Doctor Trevor Langhorn. Well, what once was.

"Here it is," he said. They looked over what was a desert view, they couldn't see anything.

"We can't see anything." commented Luke

What they didn't notice was under the dust and dirt there was a small rusty hatch. Trevor pointed down at the ground where it was and said. "See a small rusty hatch under a layer of dirt and rubble."

He lifted it up, it didn't squeak. "I'd oiled it when I first found it." he added to reveal an old metal ladder.

"You sure it's safe?"

"Yes, I was only here a couple of months ago and it wouldn't of deteriorated much in that time."

Trevor steped onto the ladder and headed down. "Come on" he said as he started to decend. "No, I'll think we'll wait till you've climbed down." Luke said with the Professor nodding in agreement. They had not experienced anything like this before and didn't have faith that the ladder could hold any more than one.

So one at a time they descended under the earth to find what I suppose was a type of Bunker, though it was more of an artificial cave than anything else. The walls weren't lined it was quite well dug, for something that had been around for many hundreds of years.

"I found the documents in this chest of draws theres nothing in here now and I think this was the perfect place to preserve documents dry and not too hot. With the ground insulating everything and keeping the temperature constant."

Luke nodded, the theory was sound, he was appreciative of whoever made this which allowed the documents to be kept in a usable condition for so long.

"I don't there's anything here left to find, but you're welcome to look around." said the Doctor as he stood by as the others started to look around wondering what they would find that would help them.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/sorthern_northland.png Sorthern Northland 3-8 Ariddia http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/ariddia.png

Memorable goalfest gives Ariddians fourth consecutive win

Llseh! Llseh!
Swehashi llosh e lueal o!
Wo’el yeual o!
Al llseh! Al llseh!
Wul ellul sel ei! Wul!
Silew wa oleh!
Sah wa weheshisi!
Sah wa weheshisi!

The mostly Sorthern Northlander spectators in James Connolly Stadium, Beningrad, watched the ulek silently, moments before their team took on the defending Champions for their second encounter. Sorthern Northland had performed spectacularly in Ariddia, holding the Rouge-et-Noirs to a four-all draw. Northlander spectators were wondering whether their side could repeat the exploit – and maybe go one better. Ariddians were hoping their team would correct that earlier “slip-up”. All were hoping to see a great many goals.

On that last point, the two teams certainly delivered.

For once, the Rouge-et-Noirs conceded the opening goal. Diago Maran gave Sorthern Northland the lead in the twenty-first minute, to deafening applause from the huge home crowd.

The Rouge-et-Noirs, of course, were having none of it. Pricked in their pride, they promptly proceded to equalise through Jamilah Shahrour. Problem solved? No. The Northlanders were not going to be content with a draw on their home ground, and, much to the shock of Ariddian spectators in the stadium and around the world, scored twice more, forging into a 3-1 lead by the thirty-fourth minute. Far from losing focus, the Ariddians struck back, hard, and delivered a spectacular example of their skill by successfully equalising in the remaining six minutes of the first half, with a goal by Iol Et and another by Shahrour. The players left the field at half-time, and it was difficult to say which side held the psychological advantage. Sorthern Northland was repeating the pressure it had inflicted on the Ariddians once before, by hounding them with enough goals to maintain a draw. On the other hand, the Rouge-et-Noirs had proved to themselves they could fight back quickly and thoroughly when confronted with such pressure.

At the beginning of the second half, the eleven Rouge-et-Noirs on the field did something utterly unexpected. Before the referee could whistle kick-off, they placed themselves in alternating lines, thumped their fists against their chests, stretched them out, glared at their opponents fiercely, and began an entirely new dance and chant, shouting out thunderous words of defiance in perfectly coordinated movements.

U… suliwasa’ahosese!
E shalo wishihose!
Ulisi aeolwaho! Uhiwi euwa!
Io hetewe elii!
Soh euli a’olush u!
Ulushusu oliha!
Sa’ahowe io hetewe!
SOH EULI A’OLUSH U!!

When they had finished, all eleven Ariddian players pumped their fists into the air with a harsh cry, and moved into position to resume the match. The referee, bemused, had waited for them to be ready, and blew his whistle.

The Rouge-et-Noirs thundered into the game. As though re-invigorated, they all but monopolised the ball, quickly retrieving it whenever any Sorthern Northlander showed the faintest sign of posing a threat. Once, twice, then a third time Elmi Guirreh scored, pushing his team into a fantastic 6-3 lead by the sixty-eighth minute. “Soh euli a’olush u!!” he shouted fiercely after scoring his third goal, then laughed, as his team mates Shahrour, Clocher and Rodriguez tackled him, knocking him down and lifting him up into the air.

It looked like a victory, but the match was far from over, and the Rouge-et-Noirs did not lessen their pressure on their opponents. Guirreh scored an incredible fourth goal, from a distance, as the Sorthern Northlander defences seemed to buckle under the onslaught.

“Un huitième! Un huitième!” the few Ariddian spectators in the stadium shouted. “Make it eight! Make it eight!”

Es Chichirua was only too happy to oblige. She slammed the ball into the net for an eighth goal. There were cheers.

“Un neuvième! Un neuvième! Make it nine! Make it nine!”

Fans were looking more excited than they had been in quite a while. Twenty seconds before the referee blew his whistle for the end of the match, Guirreh kicked a well-aimed shot on goal, but this time George Palmer made a skilful save. Guirreh shrugged, smiling. Nine goals in a World Cup match would have been a new Ariddian record (superseding their 8-0 victory over Florida Oranges in World Cup 32), but it hardly mattered. 8-3 against Sorthern Northland was a result to celebrate. Ariddian spectators were ecstatic. Iol Et swapped his shirt with the Sorthern Northland captain, and was smiling broadly as he left the field.

After warm congratulations for the team, the press had one question they had been itching to ask. What had that war chant been at the beginning of the second half? The Rouge-et-Noirs had never done anything like it.

“That was written by Asul (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ariddia%27s_football_team#Asul_E.27i),” Et explained. “The idea was to boost us up if we were facing difficulties. It’s not a traditional chant or anything; Asul wrote it from scratch. It’s a testimony to the skill of our opponents, and a way to get us really fired up. The key is to look very, very angry while you’re singing it, as if you’re going to crush your opponents into the ground. All in a spirit of fair play, of course,” he added with a smile.

Very soon the translation was circulating widely among those who do not speak Wymgani.


Oh, these are strong opponents we face!
But we are definitely stronger!
They are fierce! They are a challenge!
But today you will crumble!
For we are the Rouge-et-Noirs!
We cannot lose!
You are strong, but you will crumble!
For we are the Rouge-et-Noirs!


“We are so going to sing that at the next home match!” one eager supporter said.

The Ariddians have now won four games in a row, creating some hope that they may, for now, have left the “curse of the draw” behind them.

Amda-Mo: And with that 3-0 win in British Londinium the Gnomes clinch at least a playoff spot and move just a point away from direct qualification.

Lur-Mn: Actually the stats guys have been going over the numbers and they are of the belief we've already qualified.

Amda-Mo: How so?

Lur-Mn: Well yes it's theoretically possible that Estresse Intenso could tie us on points if we lost our last four matches and they won their last four matches, but our win means that we'll have the head to head tie break with them. The only three way tie would involve Sel Appa, but since we've already beaten the turtles and the turtles have all ready beaten Estresse Intenso there shouldn't be anyways our team can fall behind the Doctors, so we should expect to visit one of those unknown nations hosting the cup.

Amda-Mo: I see. Thankfully it shouldn't come to that, but it's nice to know that we really should be in regardless.

Lur-Mn: Yes, it would be very disappointing if it did come to that.

Amda-Mo: So lets look at the match. We came away with our first shutout since match day four. How would you rate the defensive performance behind that?

Lur-Mn: Of course you have to be pleased. British Londinium have shown to be a somewhat dangerous side and we handled their attacks well enough. Bu-Lv made a number of good saves to cover up the few small holes the defense allowed. It wasn't the most dominant shutout an Az-cz squad has ever produced, but it did get the job done.

Amda-Mo: And looking at the attack?

Lur-Mn: Some games you get balance and some games you get dominance. For whatever reason Levesque was just clicking today, picking what I believe is his first hat trick for the squad. The last two plays were beautiful set ups from the other midfielders but the first was a fine poached goal. He saw a Londinium defender being a bit careless with the ball took it from him and fired us into the lead. The other players did a good job in assistance but Levesque really stepped up and led the way today.

Amda-Mo: So what are your overall thoughts on the team, coaching, mentality and what not at this point.

Lur-Mn: It's so hard to tell with such a large group that isn't that strong. But you have to be impressed by the way the team just keeps getting it done. And Zax-Im's done as impressive of a job of coaching as can be done in the qualifiers. But I just have to keep stressing that no one in Az-cz will be judging by the qualifiers. Winning a quarterfinal is the bare minimum for this to be considered a good cup, and really Az-czzers have their sights set on the big prize. It might still be a bit early but four straight trips to the quarterfinals have established us as an elite squad and there's not much left to accomplish other than the big crown.

Amda-Mo: Fair enough. Especially compared to the success we've had in other sporting arenas. Now bringing our focus back down to the here and now, our next match is against Vanek Drury Brieres. How does that shape up?

Lur-Mn: Especially with them coming off their win against Kansiov I can't see them really being ready for us. I think we ought to roll again. Despite qualification being accheived I don't think the team will over look them.

Amda-Mo: Speaking of that upset take us through the results of the day first in group then out.

Lur-Mn: Well in our group both of the challengers in British Londinium and Kansiov lost allowing Estresse Intenso into third at the moment and moving Sel Appa closer to a playoff spot. It's definitely not out of the question for them to wrap it up next match day. From other groups Demot and Oliverry have started to move away from that group, Group four remains a mess, Errinundera clinched in grand style beating Jeru FC 7-1 and Ariddia avenged an earlier draw with an 8-3 win in Sorthern Northland.

Amda-Mo: Indeed, the two finalists from last time around had a banner day on match day 10. Is that win from Ariddia enough to move them back into the top six?

Lur-Mn: Actually it did. Just barely but they're getting the nod of Turori, although the Eels are really a form of 6A.

6. Ariddia

The hosts are back in fine form. They seem to have put their problems with drawing behind them as they avoided what could've been a trouble spot today. They're leading a tough group and getting into the kind of form that could allow them to finally win consecutive cups and push them even with Bedistan and Rejistania.

5. Bettia

And just in front of Ariddia is the other team who's won titles in the past five cups. While Turori is still neck and neck in the standings it's the Aroras who are looking stronger. Mark my prediction down now, Bettia will get revenge when they travel to Turori. Just like the Rouge-et-noirs are showing their championship form Bettia is doing the same.

4. Commerce Heights

Todays win in Turruth Gordur wasn't the kind of dominant performance they've been showing but they won yet again and that kind of blip won't worry them much.

3. Az-cz

Despite the way we've been playing of yet, improving on an already solid form we just can't move up. We've won our last couple of games with some flair, but not the kind of flair Commerce Heights below us or Errinundera above us has. Still 28 points of 30 and qualification with four games to go is nothing to complain about.

2. Errinundera

Talk about a statement. A 7-1 thrashing of what had been an improving Jeru FC side should show just how great Errinundera is running this cup. Like the teams below them on this list they're showing the kind of form that has led them to top finishes in recent cups. All of the teams 6 through 2 are huge names in the world of football.

1. Zwangzug

Which makes Zwangzug on top all the more amusing. Zwanzug is certainly a good team, with a top four last cup to prove it. But coming into this cup they hadn't established themselves in the rarified air of the rest of this list, although they seem to be doing so now. We're the only team on this list without a crown, but a trip to the finals and 3 quarterfinals following that is something. But they've looked wonderful in ripping off 10 straight wins to open qualifiers. The question now becomes can they repeat their proper performance from last time? The signs look positive.

Amda-Mo: With Ariddia climbing back in that becomes a big list. Things are playing basically to form these qualifiers aren't they?

Lur-Mn: Really they are. The quarterfinalists from last cup, with the exception of Cafundeu are moving forward easily enough. Bettia and Milchama are both looking good. Basically any team that you might expect to have a shot at the cup is playing like that. It seems like there's a lot of upsets, but they're all basically happening amongst the good but not great sides.

Amda-Mo: Well join us back here next time as we look to keep that true against Vanek Drury Brieres.

The journey back from Satiaville felt like the longest flight in the world to Jeremy Jaffacake, and not only because of his forced sobriety. He hated Gregor MacGreigs but, for the sake of his job, he had to be nice to him, and he had to stay off the booze. Thousands of fingers and thumbs of scotch in a warm, cosy loft, and he wasn't allowed to touch a drop. Bastard. The galling thing was that the sobriety situation wasn't the thing that depressed him the most. Three defeats on the trot, 0-2, 1-5 and, the fresh one, the 0-3 loss to Satiaville, had put Audioslavia second from bottom of the group. The brave bulls were never expected to qualify, but seeing the rest of the group race away out of view was simply putting a downer on everyone. With the domestic league on its mid-season break, the national team was the only place a fan could find football, and it wasn't the best football in the world. He wouldn't be surpised if the national stadium was only half full for the next home game.
"I'm getting too old for this shit", thought Jeremy too himself. That reminded him. When he was next free, he had some time surfing to do in the AIF. Time surfing; the perfect past-time. Who cared that it was forbidden, ethically naughty and, most importantly, theoretically impossible? He'd been doing it for two-hundred years and it hadn't done him any harm. He decided there and then. He'd go back to the Holy Empire and search for the forbidden lands, the time gaps, the 'dirty' eddies in the space-time continuum that, for reasons unkown (well, for reasons explained yet not understood), had sprung up in The Holy Empire millenia ago (or last thursday, it was hard to tell) and sped up, slowed down or reversed time depending on God's mood. He'd find a backwards bit, shave off a few years, and come back for the Bushes Been Quaked game rejuvenated and ready to coach the team to another famous win. Now, however, he needed sleep. If he could find his way to the empire, then tommorow would be a long fifty-six hours.

theCAMAFA.cam
Fitting Finale Downs Juvenile Opposistion
By Liam Kelly in Albrecht.


To the forty-five thousand supporters packed into the Millerman Sheppard Stadium, an astonishing game worthy of the World Cup final itself – or at least made worthy by the only team on the pitch willing to play up to the standards of football and morality set decades ago by the great soccer powerhouses – looked set to finish, agonisingly, as a draw. It would be Candelaria And Marquez’ fifth of the campaign, and send them fourth in the table; well ahead of Miamoria, Rastafariburg and Billopesha – some of the most promising and vocal new outfits of the international game – but sitting disappointingly behind Yafor 2 and Jeruselem, sides that the Big Blues have already brushed aside this year.

After ninety minutes of domination, it would have felt like a defeat to fans, players and management alike. Hardly brimming with Churchillian inspiration, the enemy had offered but toil and sweat, and no little blood thanks to horrific early challenges on Ben Head and O’Sullivan Caras; the latter even being forced to use the magic sponge for over twenty seconds, such was the severity of the opposing left-back’s leg-scraper. The other side bawled and complained, rolled and dived… but happily for all, it would end in tears.

Still fuming from their difficulty in hitting the back of the net against Rastafariburg; C&M came out looking strong and resourceful from the first whistle, fashioning a superb opportunity on the half hour when the intangible Speed Wang found himself free on the right and slid an accurate ball into the feet of Steven Fritz in the box. The veteran striker’s first touch is as it has ever been, and the Albrecht FC man caught the ‘keeper on the hop. Sadly, his low volley skimmed just wide.

Without finding a finish; C&M seemed to be almost toying with the besieged away side. Jos Cornelisse showed his Crossbar Challenge skills from three yards, after a gorgeous pirouette had left the sweeper sitting humiliated on the ground. The foreigners at times offered accurate passing; their packed midfield proving surprisingly mobile against C&M’s more subtle arrangement. Sadly for them, their seeming lack of any grasp of the concept of sportsmanship would prove their undoing, as their attempts as conning the commanding presence of the referee fell on deaf ears. Their coach must take full responsibility for their attitude, and petulant tactics that may well have worked on a lesser official, but were laughably counter-productive here.

And still Mark Baker’s warriors drove forwards, again the flankers at the centre of the play. Fritz put a header wide on eighty from a quick-thinking Cornelisse cross, while Yasser Zaghloul snatched at a clear opportunity; failing to shoot on target from a Caras midfield ball. The interlopers hung on for a point by their fingernails, as so many have done against C&M this term.

For once, they would leave disappointed. And it would be Jos Cornelisse who would provide the dénouement, scoring a goal with a fitting element of doubt about it. Claims of handball were grossly exaggerated; while suggestions that a centre-half may have helped the shot bobble over the goal line carry a little more weight and may well see an own goal awarded by the relevant international panel. Whatever, the beaten side’s lupine howls echoed into the night sky, unheard over the cacophony of local fans celebrating a richly deserved triumph that sent their team to the group’s summit, ahead of their most recently dispatched foes on the Head-To-Head record. With the Yaforites and Jeruselem lingering but a point further behind, this challenge is hardly done and dusted; but hand of god or not, Cornelisse’s goal gave C&M their first victory over World Cup-standard opposition and put his team in pole position.

Match stats


Shots on target (incl goals) C&M 1 Away side 2
Shots off target C&M 7 Away side 9
Blocked shots C&M 3 Away side 4
Corners won C&M 2 Away side 6
Total fouls conceded C&M 16 Away side 12
Offsides C&M 2 Away side 5
Yellow cards C&M 0 Away side 0
Red cards C&M 0 Away side 0
Possession C&M 36% Away side 64%


Fu to Take Armband

In the post-match press conference, Mark Baker confirmed that twenty-seven year-old centre-back Benji Fu would officially become the new captain of the Candelaria And Marquez national team.

Former captain Peter Waddington stepped down last weak, after it became clear that his role in future qualifying games would be limited. Though declining to be drawn on the matter, the move also strongly suggests that Baker plans to drop recent stand-in captain Steven Fritz from the starting XI against Kelssek in favour of Ignacio Vélez.

Speaking to the media for the first time as the new team leader, Fu denied that his new status would lead to conflict with defensive partner Sam Young, who is captain for their club side, Albrecht FC. “Sam’s an inspirational skipper, and it’s a job he takes extremely seriously. But we’ve both got great leadership skills, if I may say so, and this split of duties can only help to give us both the time to concentrate on our respective captaincies.

Fu is a true Candelariasian success story; being brought up of Chinese immigrants* in the impoverished** Albrecht neighbourhood of Hill Side, to become one of the islands’ most recognisable faces.

© The Candelaria And Marquez Association Football Association 2001-2007, All Rights Reserved

______

*Fourth generation. **By which they mean, extremely well-to-do.

Chloe Dumas was ecstatic. She had just had a wonderful time in Vilita. Although the surfing league had folded after just one half season, the Az-czid stars were there doing exhibitions. So that was a blast for her to go and see. But even more than that the result of the match had her on a high. Although it hadn't yielded as much information as she had hoped the visit with the teacher did help her get her mind focused and calmed down and she was able to get across some useful information to the Ulzaxids leading into the match. And they executed well. They jumped out to the lead early, but then watched Vilita pour in three goals in the rest of the half to put the Ulzaxids in a big 3-1 hole at the half. However they never panicked or gave up and scored in the 50th, 55th and 60th minutes to put the Ulzaxids to a 4-3 win.

So Chloe was in a very good state of mind. She still hadn't figured out her thoughts on morphing together with an Ulzaxid. And she had her meeting with a researcher arranged. So there were two big things on her to do list. One was to call her parents and get there thoughts on the morphing. And the second was to head to the meeting with the researcher.

St Samuel (1) 1
St John 23
The Holy Empire (1) 3
Tzimisces 14, 62, Synadenuso 84

St Samuel Sports News
St Samuel's roller coaster journey continues

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/attachment.php?attachmentid=59995&stc=1&d=1190652621

St Samuel's World Cup qualification hopes took another turn last night after losing 3-1 at home to The Holy Empire. It was legend, Juan Tzimisces again that caused all the problems for the Latin Crusaders and dominated what was an important fixture. St Samuel went into the game with high hopes, after The Holy Empire had sustained some bad results. But unfortunatley for St Samuel they were playing a revived Holy Empire side with Tzimisces at his best.

From the off Juan Tzimisces was amazing the crowd with his silky skills and it was the man himself who opened the scoring on the 14th minute when he rounded 2 St Samuel defenders and then hit an unstoppable shot into the top left corner.

But St Samuel were by no means ready to roll over and conceed defeat. The Latin Crusaders battled back into the match and after some good attacks it was Dexter St John who found himself in front of goal volley in a great lay off from Mazzeranni to make it 1-1.

The stale mate then stuck with both teams midfields cancelling one another out. Of note Aaron De Villion, St Samuel's tough tackling centre mid had a praise worthy performance, getting stuck in and commanding Tzimisces. Whilst Tzimisces created some great opportunities he found himself more often than not hitting a brick wall in the form of De Villion.

But De Villion's second half performance didn't match his first half performance and in the 48th minute was shown a yellow card for a dismal crunching tackle on Tzimisces after he had rounded a number of St Samuel players. Minutes later De Villion was lucky not to have been sent off after a blatant elbow on Tzimisces which saw the Holy Empire legend requiring treatment from the physio.

But Tzimisces struck back the only way he knows how by scoring a 35 yard rocket shot which Corinthian got a hand to, but not enough to stop the Holy Empire from taking the lead in the 62nd minute.

St Samuel once more battled back into the game and it was St Samuel's wonder kid, Leo Sensini who took his turn to show off some silky skills, nut megging one player, then turning another and shotting from 25 yards only to see his wonderful effort smash against the cross bar.

But it was not to be St Samuel's day and in the 84th minute, it was none other than Tzimisces, who curled an amazing cross with the out side of his boot to create the Holy Empire's third goal, after Synadenuso headed home from 5 yards.

=====

Group News

Whilst the 3-1 defeat is bad news for the Latin Crusaders, the World Cup dream isn't over just yet after Rejistania were held 0-0 against Konora and Ambrose-Douglas managed to hold Uiri to a 3-3 draw, which leaves St Samuel 2 points behind Rejistania and Uiri. However, anything less than victories in there next two games will see the World Cup dream over as there final two games are against current World Champs Ariddia and playoff rivals Rejistania.

St Samuel face Konora and then Uiri, which manager Louis Della Penzzi said "We will be looking to win both matches and the six points will put us right back up with the big guns."

=====

St Samuel Goal Scorers

Mazzeranni 7
St John 5
Sensini 2
Le Ricco 1
Abellardo 1
Bezzi-Louazza 1
De Villion 1

"i feel sick" says Zeke.
"why" says a.f. falcon.
" why do you think stupid, we just ;lost to oikioda, imean really we were in the playoff ridin high when we lost to Qutar, but we still had the playoff. So im thinking we go into oikioda have a few beers in there stadiums town. Then wed bounce back and beat the hell out of them, but now there d scores a goal from halffield and we lose 1-0. I mean really we need to win every game now. They passed us for third and now we need to do everythning we can to get thet playoff. I think were screwed. Really we have to beat schiavonia, schiavonia. The lowland clans and lovisa. At least we might beat solenial again and end qualification with some pride" zeke.
Taeshan is fourth with a 4-1-5 record

Who thought?

VDB on Roll

The Vanek'ians are on a roll. After a disappointing loss to Vephrall, the VDB earned a 2-1 victory against Kansiov. Losing earlier in the qualifying to them, in a bitter lose, the VDB gets their redemption after an exciting penalty kick shootout, which hometown hero Thomas Vanek scored, being the third shooter. The teams had each scored coming into the 3rd round, but an exciting block by sensational Felipe Romney with the ball going into the upper right corner left Vanek in the hero spot. He merely chipped the ball, hitting the crossbar, and having it go in. (basically Zidane's penalty shot goal in the World Cup Final 2006)

Box Score:

Goals:

Jarebwoski (48)
Vanek (53)

Injuries:

None
Substitutions:

Grey-Inge

Cards:

Thib-yellow (67)
Draboabi-yellow (67)

A Draw?

Today, the Geese tied with Ambrose-Douglas in Ambrose-Douglas. This is the first time that the Geese have tied so far this Cup and it may bring tidings of more ties in other countries and more wins at Home. This also brings up a good question though, why haven't the Geese tied instead of lost before? It is perfectly clear that even a draw is better than a loss because you still get a point yet the Geese have failed to scored in order to tie any game. Here is what the coach had to say:

"It is a new team, we came out of the Baptism of Fire with a draw and that we're doing better than sixth is a miracle. The reason we haven;t drawn before is that the Geese play to win and only to win. The funny thing is that we have the same number of wins and losses as Rejistania yesterday and they tied just like we did today. We need Rejistania to loose and us to not loose in order to get third. If we're particularly lucky we may get second but don't get your hopes up. We have yet to face against the Holy Empire and Ariddia, the two best teams for most of the qualifiers, although we were second and first for a couple of days. Anyways, we'll just have to see what our next four matches have in store for us." -Coach

Like the coach has said, we have matched Rejistania twice in a row, yesterday and today and we're hoping that we can pull ahead of them in the next few days to make the play offs. Today, the Holy Empire and Ariddia won and Rejistania tied with Konora in Rejistania like Uiri tied with Ambrose-Douglas in Ambrose-Douglas.

"What the hell is with all the mail?" Scott muttered, watching Silvia who was carrying a stack of letters.

"Damn transfer window opened, so I received a bunch of offer sheets in the mail today." She said, throwing the stack in the bottom of her locker.

"Holy crap, there's every First division team in here." Scott said, sliffing through the envelopes. "I didn't think an offer sheet was an actual piece of paper."

"What else would it be?" Silvia said, changing quickly.

"I dunno, I thought that was just a name for the terms of the offer and everything."

"Nope, it's an actual form. Triple carbon copy, White to player, Yellow to league, Pink to team." Silvia said, sighing. "Reading all of those things is enough to make your brain melt."

"Mmm, brains." Ocsar said, walking past and down the tunnel to the field. Silvia and Scott gave him a quick glance, before walking out to the field themselves.

"I figure we'll take it a bit slow, just a bit of dribbling around, maybe some set pieces today?" Mike said, balancing a ball on his foot.

"Where's Leo?" Lori said, looking around.

"He thought it might be good to get an agent, it seems. Apparently he got some offers."

"Our team's getting poached out from under us." Lori said quietly.

"No kidding, I had a few offers already." Lucia said.

"So have I. They were all pretty crappy though, I wouldn't take one, I mean, at least not until qualifying is over."

"I had 67." Silvia said quietly, getting stares from the rest of the team?

"From who?"

"I haven't opened any of them yet." She said.

"Geez. 67 offers... Do you have any idea exactly how much you could get from competition like that?"

"Plenty, I'm sure." Silvia shrugged.

"Probably more than a Million Selaris a year. You'd be insane to not take one of those." Scott said.

"Meh, maybe." Silvia said, flicking a ball in the air and heading it across the field during it's decent. The team broke up to practice, talking about what they could do with a Million Selaris a year, mostly things along the lines of drinking or sports cars.

"You wouldn't want to cash in and go pro?" Mike asked, watching the other players mess around on the field.

"Meh." was Silvia's only response.

News items from the Fanny Moo (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Fanny_Moo) Examiner On-Line

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/examiner.gif

NEW ANTI-GOVERNMENT WEBSITE OPENS IN FANNY MOO

Fanny Moo is home to a new website that opposes Errinundera’s policy on greenhouse gas emissions. Local activist, looroo, provides extensive data and persuasive arguments for the need to encourage global warming. “Basically, this place is way too cold,” explains looroo as he warms to his topic. “1. We all spend a fortune on warm clothes. We all know the textile industry is one of the most polluting in the world and wouldn’t you rather be naked all the time, not just the warmer months? 2. Insulating our housetrees is a time-consuming and costly business. You think you’ve plugged all the gaps and then your tree moves in the wind. If the planet were warmer you’d appreciate a breeze going through your house. 3. Much of our consumption of energy is for warming our houses. If the planet were warmer just imagine how many coal-fired and nuclear power stations would close around the world.”

When we pointed out that, if it were warmer, Frosty Hollow might become a civilised stadium for visiting teams, looroo admitted that he might have to reconsider his opinion.

Local magistrate, hiroodinea, who happens to be looroo’s older brother advised us that it was best to ignore the agitator. “He’s harmless. He fell out of a tree when he was 17 and his logic since then has always been somewhat individual. On the other hand, he makes the best chocolate mousse in Ootopia.”

VISITORS ASTOUNDED BY JERUSELEM DESERTS

As part of their visit to play the Jeruselem army team, Jeru FC, the Potoroos were taken on an excursion to the Sinai Desert National Park. No-one in the entourage had ever seen a desert before. “It’s the most amazing place,” explained young striker, sanoo. “At first glance you’d think it was an environmental wasteland, much like we see in so many hellholes we visit, but our guides pointed out that Jeruselem has a fine record of looking after its environment and that the desert is pristine and healthy. It’s awesome. In some places there isn’t a single tree in sight yet the mountain ranges are inspirational. This is nothing like anything I’ve ever seen. It’s so cool. Well, actually it’s really hot but you know what I mean.”

ARMY MEN NOT SO AWESOME
DALLAS FAMILY NOT SO HOT EITHER
Meretricious according to visitors

Sanoo was dismissive of the men she met during her visit. “There are lots of cute men in Jeruselem but none of them are in the army and certainly not in the army football squad.” The local practice of genital mutilation turned off many in the team. “Like all Potoroos before us we like to sample the local bodies but the women and genderqueers had a bad time of it. A mutilated penis just isn’t our thing.”

We asked redrieross, the young defender from Puggaree, what he thought of the Dallas cult in Jeruselem. “I don’t see what’s so special about the Dallas tribe: they have average intelligence and average looks; they don’t do anything noteworthy. I mean, everyone sleeps around in Errinundera and it seems to be the same with the average Jeruselemian. They are just normal, average people trying to be noteworthy. To paraphrase a famous country and western singer – it takes a lot of money to look that cheap.” When we pointed out to him that the Dallas family were very generous with their wealth and supported abused women all around he world, redrieross admitted that he might have to reconsider his opinion.

IS THIS FOOTBALL?
ARMY TEAM TO RETURN TO BOOT CAMP

The scoreline of 7-1 was impressive but the match wasn’t. There isn’t much to report other than the Potoroos, and scerberu in particular, scored a lot of goals. Team coach, the angelic genderqueer rosaniel, put it best at a poorly attended press conference after the match. “There were two teams out there but, except for one minute of the game, only one of them was playing football. We don’t know what the army guys were doing the rest of the time.”

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Jeru_FC.png
Jeru FC 1
(Petal 68)

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Errinundera.png
Errinundera 7
(scerberu 33, 36, 76 & 79, breretond 44, immelfar 47, avilmou 60)
(leighm medal votes: scerberu 3, henyua 2, haimaidu 1)

Errinundera's WC37 scorers:
scerberu 19
breretond 7
avilmou 6
immelfar 4
sanoo 2
catsuku 1
ipieomenicu 1
oovaroo 1
otemki 1

leighm medal tally:
scerberu 16
agloir 8
ipieomenicu 6
henyua 5
aryarye 4
catsuku 4
eboshiadu 4
aptai 3
breretond 3
haimaidu 3
avilmou 2
onito 2

TEAM SELECTION FOR THE GAME AGAINST INTEGRITE

Forwards: scerberu, breretond, avilmou, immelfar (sub)
Midfielders: agloir (dvc), aptai, henyua, catsuku, iribu (sub)
Backs: haimaidu (vc), aryayre, eboshiadu, froesu (sub)
Keepers: onito (c), readnough(sub)

In: eboshiadu
Out: ikasa (rested)

Venue: Big Eye, Malinns

Taken from The Coricas Times

Cookesland vs. Elves Security Forces 0-0

Cookesland faced the ESF for the second time today, strangely resulting in the same result as last time, a draw. This game how ever both teams would not let the other score.

After the first half had been played, it was evident that the stalemate showed no signs of ending. Then the Elves moved down the pitch quickly past the strikers and defense to the goal. The stadium grw silent the moment drew out into what seemed interminable.

Goalie Daniel Campo stood there, guarding his goal, the Elves striker came tried to shoot but was blocked by Campo. The Stalemate proved true for he rest of the match.

"And after that less-than-nostalgic reunion with the Northern Bettia team, we're on again in Awe-uh, away."

"Ah, Northern Bettia...brings back the memories, doesn't it. I remember that first Baptism of Fire like it was nine years ago."

"It...never mind. Hammers easily wins the kickoff, and we're underway."

"Y'know, we've seen kind of a resurgence of some of those teams."

"Passes to Barons, to Vanderpent, a home defender will clear it out."

"Like Kelssek, they're back."

"Past midfield, Nexus...past him too, here's Andrew Card passing it forward."

"And Turruth Gordur."

"That's not a good thing. Barnes in possession now."

"Estresse Intenso's stuck around."

"What, those guys from the insane asylum? Midfielder dribbles it lightly."

"They're the ones. I remember I thought one of them had hacked my computer."

"Your computer? Home team firmly in control."

"Yes, I was seeing if I could make any improvements to the first draft of BOB-look, it's a goal for Aurendia! Why am I always stuck announcing while you go off on random tangents?"

"This is going to be a long game..."

"...an outstanding performance, with all five of the offensive players scoring in precedented but still oddly uncharacteristic equity."

"And...yes! It's official, Zwangzug has just qualified for its fourth World Cup!"

Silence finally filled the airwaves, until Alan at last spoke. "Now what?"

"We pick someone for the Hall of Fame, I guess."

"Who?"

"I suppose someone who's helped in qualification for the last four cups."

"Narrows it down a bit. That's uh...six players that have been around that long?"

"Yep. Though we should hold off on the choice until after whoever it is retires. Wouldn't want it going to some already oversized heads."

Kiryu-shi Shuts Out Mice; In Position For Playoff

By Rebecca Doig

Sakaino, Kiryu-shi Kiryu-shi played solid today, finally showing signs of life after going into a slump after the injury to Bob Moya. Before this last match, since his injury, including a friendly against Sel Appa, Kiryu-shi has only won one game, tied once, and lost three times. They could not beat Recluse Island for the second time, drawing them one-one, and lost against SLANI. This time, howevery, they played Miceland, a team Kiryu-shi shut out the first time they played, away. This time it was in Kiryu-shi, but the outcome was similar, a three nil win, and a solid all around performance for Kiryu-shi.

____Today, for the first time, youngster Matty Truth-Hoffman started a match for World Cup 37 qualifying, playing in place of Martin Jones, who was very mediocre in his role as a replacement for Moya. She was not tested that often, but played a solid match and contributed to the win with a few good stops on defense. However, Kiryu-shi held the ball for most of the match, and never let Miceland get any good chances to score. Kiryu-shi dominated shots and ball possession; it was a good match overall. Of course, Kiryu-shi may just be good at playing against mice. It may be that Miceland, who now has an 0-1-9 record and is officially eliminated from the World Cup proper, just can’t play football well. Kiryu-shi, after a solid win the last time they played Miceland, went on to tie Turruth Gordur one-one, in a match they should have won. But this was a bigger game for them. Pat Mayberry was able to play offensively throughout the match for the first time in ages, and contributed with all three assists. Garret McGee, Hellen Gandy and Emily Boyle scored goals for Kiryu-shi in a well balanced, evenly distributed offense.

____The next two games, though, against Turruth Gordur and Vikingholm are very scary. Both teams can win games using their physical ability, and Kiryu-shi was just run over the last times they played. Kiryu-shi will start Truth-Hoffman again, attempting to once again play solid football once again and take on their physical opponents with grace and finesse.

Snip Snip

"Ladies and Gentlemen, We're back in First again!" Rex Hill started to say when a man ran into the room slamming the door behind him.

"Coach Fowler is coming, Coach Fowler is coming!" yelled the man.

"What do you mean Fowler is coming? He's in a Jeruselem jail-cell, right?" Hill said.

"They released him on bail, $100,000 worth, and he's out until after the World Cup!" The man replied.

"Great, this team finally started getting it's stride, and now that insane dictator is coming back." Hill said, "Thanks Joe, for the head's up"

Jsut then the door slammed open and Coach Fowler came into the room.

"I'M BACK YOU SHITS. I DON'T CARE THAT YOU WON 5 OF 6 MATCHES SINCE I'VE LEFT. I DON'T CARE IF YOU ALL WON THE FREAKING LOTTERY. I'M BACK, AND JUST IN TIME TO KICK THOSE FUCKING JEW-BAGS OUT ON THEIR ASSES. PRACTICE STARTS AT 5 AM TOMMORROW, AND IF ANY OF YOU ARE LATE, WE'LL STAY UNTIL SUNSET EVERY DAY THIS WEEK. GOD I'M GLAD TO BE BACK." Coach Fowler said, slamming the door shut as he left the locker room.

"Oh Fuck" the team said as one.


GOALS:
Qazox:
Zane West: 17'
Yancy Fry (6): 40'
Tomas Richter (7): 71'


NSWiki for Qualifers: http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Qazox_at_World_Cup_37_Qualifing

Liverpool England authorities "will arrest" Fowler

In the latest in a series of developments between the Qazoxian and Jeruselem authorities over the Qazox national coach Jason Fowler, Fowler has been released on bail from jail in Jeruselem until after the World Cup. However, those plans could have a spanner thrown into the works as Liverpool England authorities today confirmed that they would block the entry of Fowler into the country should Qazox qualify for the World Cup and be drawn to play in Ad'ihan.

"Liverpool England continues to maintain its strict policy that no sporting visa will be issued to a convicted criminal," a statement issued today by the Foreign Ministry's Visa office read. "Jason Fowler, the coach of Qazox, will be arrested should he attempt to enter Liverpool England without a visa, and be tried in Liverpool England for illegally entering the country. If this occurs, after his trial and possible jail time he will be repatriated to Jeruselem to face further charges."

PRUXTON PRESS

Prux dead and buried

The chances were slim to none that Prux would qualify for the World Cup in its first attempt. Well, Slim just left town and the fat lady is singing too loud for any OF US TO HEAR CORRECTLY. WENTLAND ELIMINATED THE PRAWNS TODAY WITH A 2-0 WIN. ONCE AGAIN DUE TO THE WENTLAND NEWS BLACKOUT, THE SCORERS ARE UNKNOWN..WOULD SOMEONE PLEASE TELL THAT FAT FREAKING WOMAN TO SHUT UP!!! Thanks. So with only 3 matches left, Prux can still finish as high as 5th, but would need to win its last three matches to do so.

The Prawns host Bushes Been Quaked on Wednesday night, there are about 15,000 seats still available for the match, and quite possibly more from scalpers outside of Gate 7C, right behind the palm tree. No not that one, the other one, yeah that one with the initials GQ+LG=<3 on it. He'll be there between 5pm and 6:15 pm.

Prux' Scoring this match:
NONE

Prux' Overall scoring: (16 goals)
007: 7
Pi R. Squared: 3
The Sphinx: 3
Pies R. Round: 2
Italian w/ Hot Peppers: 1

Overall Record so far for Prux:
1 win-4 draws-6 losses 7 points, 8th in group 2 with a -10 goal differental.

At Dazza Dallas stadium ...

The referee blew the whistle as Jeruselem had won at home for once after two games without a win. Kate Dallas smiled and patted Dinkie Dosha on the back for a great game in her return to the team. The old Dinkie was back, playing like champion striker she was after a few weeks of rest and a new diet. No more tiredness, no more fatigue - Dinkie was back to her best. The FOUR TWO win against Rastafariburg was scrappy but it was still three points at home, more than the two points from two games in the last two home games.

Some Rastafariburg fans threw some objects on the field in disgust of their team's performance. A glass bottle stuck Kate Dallas in the back of head as she turned to walk off with Dinkie. Kate screamed as the bottle struck her and she fell over clutching her head. Instantly, armed men in black suddenly turned up with a helicopter gunship flew in. The offenders tried to run but soon the security people had guns lodged in their faces as they screamed for mercy. They were taken away to a secure area. After that, no one threw objects onto the field.

Security took a distraught Kate Dallas away for her own safetly. Kate Bush wasn't impressed as losing Kate Dallas was not helpful. They needed Kate for the game against Qazox. Outside the stadium, anti-Dallas protesters got rowdy and had to be dispersed by the police.

Kate Dallas spent the rest of the day at home nursing a sore head and some stiches. THE FOOTBALL LIFE was hosted by Dinkie Dosha and Dazza Dallas replacing her daughter as she was being treated. Some hardcore protesters refused to leave until the police released a few dogs onto them for fun.

On Kate Dallas's desk, there was a piece of paper. Unsigned, it was the authorisation to execute Jason Fowler in Jeruselem. It was still unsigned, with a pen sitting ready for the Princess to pull the trigger. Three times, Kate went to her desk but she didn't sign it. Instead, she went to her private Ninjitsu classes for her Dazzi role plays.

OOC - Royal family has a lot of discretionary powers

(ooc: LE: Fowler isn't yet convicted, he's just a fugitive from the law.)

QSPNFOOTBALL.NETSpecial Report

Fowler Scoffs at Ad'ihan's Ultimatum after Released from Jail

In a stunning turn of events today, beleaguered Head Coach Jason Fowler, originally of Jeruselem, but now of Sativaville, was released on $100,000 bail, pending behavior and other legal matters. Fowler has been charged with illegal videotaping and aggrevated stalking of Princess Katherine Dallas of Jeruselem, an incident that dates back to when both were trying out for the team 20 years ago. Fowler supposedly videotaped Her Majesty both in the locker room at at her private residence, and fled the country to Sativaville shortly after being confronted with authorities. Hired last year to coach the Pheonix, Fowler spent time in Cafundeu coaching a 2nd-division team and was a consultant for the Sativaville national team 4 years ago.

Upon his release today, Ad'ihan, an autonomous enclave of Liverpool England, re-inforced it ruling that a wanted or convicted criminal from entering the nation without a visa. Qazox does not currently have a extradition policy with Liverpool England or Ad'ihan, and therefore, if arrested, in Ad'ihan, Mr. Fowler will be remanded back to Jeruselem.

Mr Fowler had this to say upon hearing the Ad'ihan ruling (Note cleaned up for public use):
"THOSE ******* CAN GO **** THEMSELVES WITH A ******* 10 INCH RUBBER DILDO. I DON'T ******* CARE IF I DON'T HAVE A VISA. AS COACH OF THE ******* TEAM, I AM ALLOWED TO TRAVEL AS NECESSARY TO COUNTRIES WHERE THE TEAM PLAYS. IF THEY WANNA ARREST ME, THEN GO AHEAD, I'LL TAKE YOUR SORRY ***** TO COURT OVER IT IF I HAVE TO!"

Mr. Fowler's attorney had this to say in respone to his client's outburst:

"I have no idea what my client is claiming. He has a legal visa, though currently expired, we assure the good people of Ad'ihan that he will have a legal visa and all other required legal papers.

More on this story as it develops,

A suspected terrorist attack by a group of Zylan militants has killed at least 30 people and injured hundreds more.

The attack took place after the match between Kura-Pelland and Zyla, which finished 1-0 to the former colony. Two bombs exploded close to the White Hope Stadium in Trilan, one in a car park on the Pelland side of the River Mura on which the stadium is built, a second on a train to Trilan Airport. The second was responsible for most of the fatalities.

Some Zylans have been rumoured to be plotting an invasion of Kura-Pelland, but while security was extremely tight around the stadium - something very easily possible due to the fact it is surrounded by water - it was evidently less so in the rest of the city.

General elections in the next few weeks now look certain to be the most important in the unified nation's history; the right-wing National Democrats are favourites and look certain to blame the coalition government for lax security, but their rivals will in turn claim that the National Democrats' authoritarianism would be effectively giving the Zylans what they wanted.

Today is the 4th anniversary in RL time of Errinundera's triumph in World Cup 7. No previous cup winning nation is still playing NSWC football.

News items from the Malinns (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Malinns) Cosmos.

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/MalinnsCosmos.jpg
We think big. We aim high.

BIG EYE OPENS

Big Eye, the futuristic new football stadium here in Malinns, hosted its inaugural international match last night when the Errinundera national team took on Integrite. The stadium came to prominence even before its first game when Architecture Week magazine awarded it the best stadium design in NationStates in 2129. The spectacular structure is aptly named: from above it looks like an eye. It even has eyelids that close to keep out the rain. From ground level it looks like a hovering flying saucer.

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/BigEye1.jpg

As part of the opening celebrations the Brodribb Massed Bands played the entire Locomotive Suite by the composer ikhohrenniko and scored for brass band by ositali. The work goes for 2½ hours and the fans did well to maintain their interest throughout.

120 YEARS ON FROM A WORLD CUP
WE COMPARE ERAS - CURRENT TEAM STILL TO PROVE ITSELF

It was 120 years ago today that Errinundera defeated Spaam in a thrilling penalty shoot out to take home the 7th NationStates World Cup. With the current Potoroo team said to be the strongest in years and one of the favourites to take out the current cup your team of football experts at the Cosmos have decided to compare the two teams. Are the modern day players as good as the erstwhile champions? For sure, there is no-one alive today that saw the World Cup 7 team play, however there is extensive film and video footage and much written analysis of the players. Accordingly, we believe that an analysis can be made, if only to spark debate amongst football fans. For the WC37 side we have chose our best eleven.

To determine the better side we have given each player a mark out of 10 based on their form shown over the course of the relevant year. This means that players like codith or haimaidu may not score as highly as they might have had in another year.

FORWARDS
WC7: antarcticad (7), longipesp (8), joyhilla (8) = 23
WC37: scerberu (9), breretond (8), avilmou (7) = 24
Best: scerberu, longipesp, breretond
http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/scerberusmall.jpg
scerberu

MIDFIELDERS
WC7: moschatuma (9), codith (7), adealbata (7), melanoxylona (6) = 29
WC37: agloir (8), ipieomenicu (7), henyua (7), catsuku (6) = 28
Best: moschatuma, agloir, codith, adealbata
http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/moschatuma.jpg
moschatuma

BACKS
WC7: snapier (9), horstrac (6), pomaderrisa (6), regnanse (gk) (8) = 29
WC37: haimaidu (7) , aryayre (7), eboshiadu (6), onito (gk) (8) = 28
Best: snapier, haimaidu, aryayre, regnanse
http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/snapiersmall.jpg
snapier

ARCHREGIMANCY TICKET CONTROVERSY

Disgruntled fans have been shocked to discover that all 10,000 tickets available for the away match against the Archregimancy have been snapped up by members of the Irago Dervish Meditation Society. This strange organisation from Goolengook has a reputation for its popularity among women, its strange robes and headwear, its outspoken liberation ideology and its on-line hacking. Convenor of the Errinundera Football Association, ettyfriedanb, suspects a rort. “I think we should upgrade our on-line security for future ticket sales.”

It is well known that the Archregimancy only allows male supporters to visit their land so we asked the Convenor of the IDMS, hananashrawi, if they actually had 10,000 male members. “The Society has many thousands of supporters, female, male and genderqueer,” she advised, “but it would be a breach of my responsibilities to reveal the precise details.”

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Irago Dervishers prepare to depart for the Archregimancy

NEW HALL OF FAME RECIPIENT TO BE ANNOUNCED AT FROSTY HOLLOW

With Errinundera already qualified for its 12th World Cup, the EFA today issued a press release that it would announce the next successful Hall of Fame recipient prior to the match against Dance 2 Revolution at Frosty Hollow. This has led to intense speculation as to who the recipient may be.

Most pundits are doubtful that a current squad member would be selected. “You wouldn’t hang this sniffer wombat around the neck of someone going into a World Cup carnival,” says local fan, hathouldinow. “rosaniel is a possibility but I’m sure the EFA would rather wait to see how quer incipient coaching career pans out. If it were onito I’m sure they would wait until her retirement which is likely at the conclusion of this cup campaign. And scerberu, the outstanding talent in the team, still has a long career ahead of her.”

This suggests a former player as the likely recipient. Popular choices with bookies are moschatuma, captain of the WC7 side and reputedly the best Errinundrian player of the classical period and ubhashinum, tragic star of the WC30 campaign and the only known player anywhere to have a football stadium named after them in a foreigh country.

POTOROOS CONTINUE ON MERRY WAY

Errinundera celebrated the opening of the Big Eye stadium here last night with a 3-1 victory against Integrite. In a welcome gesture, captain of the potoroos, onito, withdrew from the team so local star readnough could stand in the goals. The young keeper did not let his captain down, playing a fine game and conceding the one goal early in the game when team mate aryayre collided with him. Best on ground was scerberu who continued her extraordinary campaign with another 2 goals.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Errinundera.png
Errinundera 3
(breretond 23, scerberu 64, 80)
(leighm medal votes: scerberu 3, readnough 2, agloir 1)

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Integrite.png
Integrite 1
(Someone 11)

Errinundera's WC37 scorers:
scerberu 21
breretond 8
avilmou 6
immelfar 4
sanoo 2
catsuku 1
ipieomenicu 1
oovaroo 1
otemki 1

leighm medal tally:
scerberu 19
agloir 9
ipieomenicu 6
henyua 5
aryayre 4
catsuku 4
eboshiadu 4
aptai 3
breretond 3
haimaidu 3
avilmou 2
onito 2
readnough 2

TEAM SELECTION FOR THE GAME AGAINST THE ARCHREGIMANCY

Forwards: scerberu, breretond, avilmou, otemki (sub)
Midfielders: agloir (dvc), aptai, henyua, catsuku, iribu (sub)
Backs: haimaidu (vc), aryayre, eboshiadu, froesu (sub)
Keepers: onito (c), readnough(sub)

In: otemki
Out: immelfar (rested)

Venue: Borisoglebsky stadium

Amda-Mo: Wow, the most dominant performance we've seen from the squad all cup powers us to a definite spot in the next round.

Lur-Mn: Indeed. Amazingly it looked like we might be in another struggle but the team really took advantage of their stamina advantage this match.

Amda-Mo: Talk to us about that.

Lur-Mn: Well the score was just 1-0 at half on a lone Kn-Dg goal. We were clearly the better side but they were hanging tough. However it didn't take long in the second half for us to break their will putting up three goals between the 57th and 75th minute marks. Anthony Byrd added the fifth goal late to seal the deal.

Amda-Mo: How much should we read into the second straight shutout.

Lur-Mn: Well we should definitely be pleased about it. We've definitely been a break but not bend kind of defense. Either they make a great play to score or they don't, but there haven't been many games where we've really offered up a lot of chances.

Amda-Mo: Interesting. So now with the trip to the proper clinched, how do you think the team moves forward?

Lur-Mn: I expect the next match against Sel Appa to be the last full squad match. After we finish with the turtles I'd expect to see a lot of the subs get experienced. Haz-Tp will be groomed for the goalie spot and the young players will get a chance to show what they can do while the older players will get some rest.

Amda-Mo: So you don't think we'll try for the best record in qualification?

Lur-Mn: I mean we'll be playing to win, but that won't be the priority, no.

Amda-Mo: Seeing how the group is no longer of relevance to us, what are the big stories from around the cup?

Lur-Mn: Clearly the upset of the day was Taeshan beating The Lowland Clans, but other than that the day went almost entirely as expected. I'd say the big story at this point is the consistent play of the top teams. Most of the top teams have filtered to the top and the teams who have been leading the way are still leading the way.

Amda-Mo: Does that mean what I think it means?

Lur-Mn: I'm not sure what you think it means, but probably yes. We have, for what I believe to be the first time ever the exact same top six as last week. All of the teams won easily and kept charging forward, so there's no need to shuffle things. It's looking more and more like the champion will come from these six, although the Elves, Turori, Milchama and Schiavonia are outside picks. So just to remind everyone here's the top six.

6. Ariddia
5. Bettia
4. Commerce Heights
3. Az-cz
2. Errinundera
1. Zwangzug

The Daily News Editorial
The worst of all worlds: Why soccer is damaging the very fabric of society

“Merest months ago; when the world thought of Candelaria And Marquez, they thought of nothing. Perhaps, dimly in the back of their minds, they knew we were an island group. Perhaps they’d seen the name and wondered about the capital A. Perhaps they were fans of early eighties psychedelic kids’ telly. But today, when the world thinks on our nation, they think of football. For the first time in our country’s history; the Candelarias are on the map!”

So said Owen Jones last week, and he had reason to. Of course, as President of the Candelaria And Marquez Soccer Association, it is his duty to talk up the influence of his sport, and of C&M’s place within it. But there are deeper reasons too; facts of this World Cup campaign that cannot be disputed. A reality that, without hyperbole, threatens our very way of life.

Candelaria And Marquez are the best football team in the world.

Or at least, the best at something, a fact that has gone all but unnoticed in our media until recent days. The C&M team of Coach Mark Baker have conceded four goals in their eleven games. By way of comparison; Schiavonia, a side already qualified for the finals tournament have let in six, former World Cup champions Bettia seven, former finalists Az-cz eight. Errinundera and reigning champions Ariddia have conceded twelve, Capitalizt SLANI seventeen.

To say that the “Big Blues” are a side built on defence is an understatement. They have scored a mere ten goals in their eleven games. No-one else retaining a realistic chance at qualification comes close. While I am no expert on such matters, yesterday’s games against Kelssek in Albrecht was the very epitome of “our” campaign; a scoreless draw, C&M’s fourth this year, in which the home goal guarded by Reuben Uwakwe was never threatened and the advanced row of Ignacio Vélez and Yasser Zaghloul seemingly incapable of making a conversion with what few opportunities came their way.

Make no mistake: it is being noticed. Candelaria And Marquez are gaining a reputation. People know this nation. Some even pay attention to it.

Jones and his ilk remain blissfully unaware of the damage they are doing to the very concept of who we are, as they gallivant around the world; tucking into the corporate trough at glamorous stadia in huge countries. They consider themselves ready to dine at the top table, to custard cream with the best and the brightest from behemothic nations. And they could not give a DAMN about the future of this Republic they bring trailing on their wake, like so much loo roll on a serrated shoe.

We are not going to dine at the top table, Mr Jones. This is not what we are. We are a small, sane nation, Mr Jones. We are normal, we are centrist, and we know our place. And we are alone, Mr Jones.

But of course, Jones is but a symptom of a nationwide collapse in our national consciousness; one of seemingly thousands trapped in the iron talons of the Cult of the World. These delusions of grandeur have been with us forever. When the British finally relinquished their hold on us, they left a vestigial appendix of discontented imperialists; people who could not cope with the reality of this Republic. They are fuelled by a desire to be “great”, as if creating our beautopia among the seas is not a mission enough. From the passions of Rushmori integrationalists, to the Unionists’ enthusiasm for the UN and the Embassy programme, to the joint Space Programme… to the World Cup. These people must be a part of something, they must sacrifice all that our ancestors worked for decades to be, to become a cog in the grinding machinery of the World. If that means succumbing to the madnesses of world consensus, then so be it. Embrace “gnomes” and “elves” and “mice” and “hedgehogs”. Travel to the “Dreamed Realm”. Faeries and goblins and ghouls, oh my! Isn’t it all jolly?

It is a fantasy, worthy only of the deluded monstrosities that permeate international sport. But we are being prohibited from calling a spade a spade, powerless as we are in the face of this authoritarian government’s addiction to the creeping boggart of this internationalist newspeak. They talk the good talk, of course, their simple appropriation of the reins of power three years ago is testament to that. But woe betides them to actually stand up for our rights to speak the truth of it all, to maintain our single-minded normality in the encroaching sea of global inanity.

It is this attitude that sees them turn a blind eye to malign influences their footballic agenda brings. How many of our young have already suffered the consequences of last month’s visit by Rastafariburg? How many more of our children must be lost to the slut culture nurtured by the noxious Dallas creatures of Jeruselem? Why must we bow and curtsey to these purveyors of moral decrepitude? Why must our sleep-walking media give them the time of day? Be we right-thinking conservatives or anarcho-feminists; no upright human being in this country can consider these people worthy of anything but our scorn, never mind the weasel words of a government supposedly committed to maintaining the Republic’s moral order. It is cowardice, plain and simple, that forces them to lick the feet of our sporting “betters”, that convinces them that they must be allowed to go down in history as the people who made our country “great”, and that the only way this can be achieved is by making Candelaria And Marquez a Name to be known and reckoned with in world football.

These people, our new elite, are wrong; are destabilising the very concept of this Republic. I fear it is our descendents who will suffer.

Ray Otis had just attended his first away match- a disappointing 2-1 loss to some nobody team. The Casaran fans shuffled about on the terraces, waiting for the police to clear the streets of the home fans' presence, less anyone get shivved during the long march out of the city and back to their varying places of living and business.

"What a shit game." Ray muttered to his friend, dragging his feet against the pavement.

"No kidding. The game was shit, the ref was shit, the teams were shit... even the beer was shit."

Ray nodded. "Why did we even bother coming anyway?"

"I dunno. It sounded like a good idea when we bought the tickets."

"But think about it. 360 a seat to fly here, 60 a seat for the tickets, probably another 100 for food, 40 for the camping fees, 80 for the tent... we spent over one thousand selaris to come and watch our team lose in front of an apathetic home crowd. It wasn't even something I'll remember."

A fifty year old fan walked past, arms around his pals of the same age, swaying dangerously back and forth, singing terrace songs off key and laden with team clothing- Hat, scarf, worn World Cup 31 shirt, flag wrapped around his shoulders with stadium names crudely painted on it, like the flag of an infantry regiment, painted face, headphones around their necks, the cords reaching to radios in their pocket on which they listed to the announcers, and almost everything else you could think of.

Ray and his friend eyed the aging fan as they walked beside them, cheering and chanting for all the old heroes- Leir, Ronalo, LeMurry, Ruhlman- even players they had never even heard of. All of a sudden, they felt slightly inadequate in their brand new home shirts, complaining about the quality of a bunch of college students playing a game on their first trip out of the country.

The other group of fans continued to sing. One glanced over, seeing the obviously distraught teenagers drag themselves down the road. "It's ok." He said, smiling. "There'll be others."

"What are you going to say next, that it's only a game?" Ray said dryly, irritated that the elders would see fit to intrude on his bad mood.

"Only a game?" The older fan said, stopping for a moment and nearly causing the line to fall over. "Oh, it's more than that."

Ray raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"

"It's a matter of life and death." The old man smiled. "But for the good days to be truly good, you have to pay the dues. Otherwise how would you enjoy it?"

Ray tilted his head- for the first time in his life, something an old person had said actually made sense. Whether this was a good thing or not at this point in his life wasn't as pressing a concern as it should have been, but it was nonetheless true.

The older fans moved on, restarting their song and turning towards one of the hotels patronized by the away contingent- The older fans had obviously tired of sleeping on the floor of a tent, but either way, they had paid their due.

"... well... it wasn't that bad, was it?" Ray said, glancing over at his friend.

"... it could have been worse."

Yesterday the Purple knights soccer team went into the lowland clans looking for a win and an oikioda loss to put them back up to the play off spot.The game started with the refs whistle, and just ten seconds later zeke scored his eigth goal of qualifying. The game was boring until the end. Th knights went home with a 5-1-5 record and a 1-0 win to boost them up to third place and a playoff with 3 goals to go.

St Samuel (1) 3
Mazzeranni 43, Sensini 74, Rock 81
Konora (0) 0

St Samuel Sports News
St Samuel victorious over Konora

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/attachment.php?attachmentid=60000&stc=1&d=1190751004

In usual St Samuel style, the World Cup roller coaster saga continued and with a 3-0 over Konora, the victory lifts the Latin Crusaders to 4th, above Uiri. The victory will keep the World Cup dream alive and a win over Uiri in there next fixture will put the Latin Crusaders in a great position to qualify.

St Samuel played confidently in the first half with some good attacks. But the Latin Crusaders forwards were unable to break the Konora defence until the 43rd minute when Sensini knocked a wonderfully weighted ball onto Mazzeranni who shimmied left and right and went past Aria Cartwright to put the ball into the empty net.

Konora's only chance of the first half came in the 25th minute from a Ryan Loiinstan free kick, which was powered towards the top right hand corner, but somehow, Niclas Corinthian managed to get fingertips to the ball to turn the shot over.

Young Leo Sensini was denied St Samuel's second goal minutes before half time when flicked the ball over Dawson and shot on the volley, only to see his wonderful effort palmed wide by Cartwright.

St Samuel didn't fail to impress in the second half with some good early opportunities. Mazzeranni squared the ball to Dexter St John in the 51st minute and once again Cartwright pulled off a great save to keep Konora in the game. Minutes later Sensini had yet another shot amazingly saved when he struck the ball with the outside of his boot from 30 yards and the curling ball looked destined for the back of the net, but somehow, once more, Cartwright managed to get a hand to the ball.

Konora were by no means a let down, some great attacking plays produced some great opportunities, but a combination of good defending and great goal keeping kept St Samuel ahead. Karina Ross came the closest for Konora when she made a fantastic bicycle kick which hit the crossbar in the 65th minute.

St Samuel's second of the game came in the 74th minute when St Samuel won a free kick 25 yards out. Aaron De Villion ran up to the ball, but layed it off to Leo Sensini who struck the ball with venom. The shot smashed against the cross bar and into the back of the net.

St Samuel finished Konora off in the 81st minute. This time Sensini swung a curling corner kick into the box and it was captain and centre back, Tyrone Rock who rose above two markers to head a powerful header into the back of the net to make it 3-0.

By far best players on the day were the two goal keepers, Corinthian and Cartwright, who managed to keep the scoreline down to what it was.

=====

Group News

St Samuel moved up to 4th place, with there win after Uiri suffered a 4-2 defeat to the Holy Empire. Rejistania remain 3rd after beating Sorthern Northland 2-0 and stay 2 points clear of St Samuel. Ariddia confirm qualification after beating Ambrose-Douglas 3-0.

The Latin Crusaders face Uiri next in what is, once more an important fixture for St Samuel. A defeat for St Samuel will end hopes of qualification, but a win will keep them up, battling for the 3rd place playoff position.

=====

St Samuel Goal Scorers

Mazzeranni 8
St John 5
Sensini 3
Le Ricco 1
Abellardo 1
Bezzi-Louazza 1
De Villion 1
Rock 1

news konora.jpg

No!

Vanek'ians eliminated in brutal 5-0 loss to Az-cz

The Vanek'ians will not make it to the next round. After a 5-0 loss to one of the top teams in the world, Az-cz, the VDB is officially not going to the next round.
"Well, we did what we could," coach Jim Tory said at the following press conference. "But they were just simply better. There's no other way to put this."
The loss keeps the Vanek'ians with 7 points, in 7th place.

Box Score:

Goals:

Kn-Dg (36)
Vitakiralski(57)
Levesqe(63)
Vitakiralski(75)
Byrd (85)

Injuries:

None

Cards:

Romney-Yellow(36)
Ancoperek-Yellow(57)

Substitutions:

Colbert-Less
Kn-Dg-Hu-35

Hazy Footage Reveals Geese's Loose

Today the Geese played against the Frostican team. The game footage which was broadcast was very hazy but anyone who was watching could tell that the Geese lost...bad. The Geese came home after the game in order to gear up for the match against St. Samuel. The Coach announced that the score was 4-2 for the Holy Empire's team. It was a shock for Uiri but also a wake up call. We may have beat the Holy Empire at home but they beat us away. The same thing goes for all the other teams - except for Ambrose-Douglas.

"We didn't have much choice but to play by their rules. The Dream Realm is a strange place and any violence would've resulted in immediate deportation. The player which apparently has returned - although the Geese never saw him play in previous World Cups - is as good as they say he is in the Dream Realm. The game against St. Samuel should be in the bag and Okudil and Vinopetin still managed to score." -Coach

In a related story, the World Cup footballs previously mentioned are sold out. The rapid consumers of Uiri are buying them faster than the manufacturer is making them. Whether this means that we have some up and coming football stars or not will just have to wait another four to eight years because the World Cup happens every four years, not every month. Where this myht came from, we have decided to investigate.

"Yo, media reporter person. The World Cup isn't as big a deal as everyone thinks it is. It is every month and Okudil is the worst player in Uiri's history" -Alcoholic off the Street (AotS)

"Are you drunk? Okudil scores between 50 and 75 percent of the Geese's goals and the World Cup happens every four years. Why do you say it happens every month?" -News Reporter (NR)

"Just because I'm drunk doesn't mean I'm not reliable. You know what? You can even quote my conversation with you in tomorrow's paper. I live in the 'Real World' unlike you, you....FICTIONAL PERSON!!" -AotS

"I think I'll quote someone else, thank you for your time though." -NR

That is my conversation with a drunkie. For some reason, people like him beleive that the World Cup happens every month. For those of us who do know what goes on around us, the World Cup happens every four years. Although, for some strange reason, sign ups for the next World Cup have already begun. The Geese, have of course, signed up.

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Girls, Bikes and Skates! Oh my!

You know, every week men write to me and complain the current World Cup team is full of women. Sure, the coach is a woman (Kate Bush), the two captains (Dinkie Dosha and now Kate Dallas) are women and a lot of the staff are women. A lot of men blame Dazza Dallas and her generation. All these "bikes" turning up and kicking men out of the team. These women are then having kids and their daughters are kicking men of the team. A new term "skates" is being used for the new female generation - named after "Kate" Dallas or "Skate" Dallas, like her mother the "Bike".

Can the men stop complaining? I have noted most male players in the current Jeruselem are quite anonymous. Yes, they run out and play their part in the football team but don't seem to attract much media attention. Instead the cameras are pointed at Kate Dallas and her cohorts. Why? Media skills!

Male football players these days don't have media savvy like their female counterparts. Most International Jeruselem female football players have been to some kind of media training, the most popular being the one run by Dazza Dallas. They aren't fussed by cameras. You don't see many of male team members on camera, because they tend to hide.

I think ALL International Jeruselem football players should do media training. My friend Dazza Dallas has shown the difference between an ordinary player and a superstar. If you get two players with the same football skill levels, but one is media savvy - that one is the superstar, the other is just another football player. The difference is very slim. It's all about what the public think and see.

We have the silent majority, and vocal minority - and well it applies to football so much. The team who don't get much public attention do most of work but we only hear their voice through the team leaders. Team leaders like the Dallas girls who aren't afraid to make a voice if they don't have one.

The men are there, they aren't missing or not doing their work - they are silent. They hide behind the skirts of Kate Dallas in the public arena. If men want to be heard, learn from the women. The "Bikes" and "Skates" are seen and heard, come on men - it's your turn too.

Wayne Wastle
Sports Writer and Presenter

FROM: kay.rigney@102d·.zz
TO: art.pend@u102d.edu.zz
SENT: 8:14 9/25/95
SUBJECT: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: help me

...ok. thanx 4 templ8 help nehow.

>it's under8d: defensiv tems draw mor. so 4 xampl if 2 defensiv tems pla twis tha mit draw both gams. but if tha wer ofensiv tha mit ech win 1 & lus 1. but standings wud giv them both 3 .s in the 2nd cas but ech 1 in the 1st. it's ¬fayr

>>y du u lik defens so much^

>>>wutever it's stil just golz

>>>>i wuz duin ° ' and " 4 the ∠s

>>>>>...tym in 's...

>>>>>>tyms?? i thot 's?!

>>>>>>>u put in nams and tyms tha scord

>>>>>>>>wut du i du??

>>>>>>>>>um...no that max 0 ¢

>>>>>>>>>>ha m i duing this rit^

Zwangzug 4 (Stings 63°19'25", 24°27'3"; 30°59'12", 7°28'34"; Vanderpent 135°53'4", 17°9'13"; 93°18'00")
Vuam & Isma 0

OLHO NO LANCE! YOUR SPORTS MAGAZINE!
Last 2 Games – Review written by Sílvio Ruiz

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WC QUALIFIERS: AGAINST JARISS

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Some players participated in a government health campaign

The game against Jariss was important to the Monopolists, as the team wanted to keep the good campaign in the World Cup qualifiers. Trying to score since the beginning of the game, Cafundéu had problems in finishing, and Jariss could take advantage of them to counterattack with strength, scoring a goal in the first half. In the second half, things turned worse, with one more goal scored by the defensive Jariss team.

The coach Franz Braddock decided to make a risky change. Changed the team’s formation to a 3-3-4, something not common in Cafundéu. With so many attackers, the team improved a bit, and even scored a goal with Vergara, but Jariss could recover in time to score one more goal, ending with the Monopolists’ chances of getting a point.

JARISS 3x1 CAFUNDÉU

Place: unknown, in Jariss.
Attendance: unknown.
Referee: Fr. Lucas the Fair (The Archregimancy).
MOTM: Midfielder III (Jariss).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/jariss.png JARISS: no team released.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Lauro, Léo Mattos (Vergara 70’), Toninho, Eduardo Monte and Souza (Dário 67’); Anormal, Rato and Neto (Tramontina 67’); Tales, Heitor and Flecha.
Coach: Franz Braddock.

Goals:JAR: Defender II 25’ , Midfielder I 65’/83’.
CAF: Vergara 81’.

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WC QUALIFIERS: AGAINST THE COSHAIRS

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Supporters commemorate result

After an unexpected loss in the game against Jariss, the team from Cafundéu had to recover at home, playing against the very weak team of The Coshairs. The team was confident in the positive result, and scored soon with Neto, once again from a free kick. The second goal took some time to happen, being scored by Heitor in the last minutes of the first half. With the positve result, Cafundéu’s players only wanted to keep the result to get the points.

But Flecha, who had an average first half, could show all his ability in the second half. He scored a beautiful goal, dribbling three players of the visitor team and shooting with both feet. In the last minutes of the game, The Coshairs scored. But Flecha scored minutes later. In the reply, The Coshairs scored again, but the victory was for Cafundéu.

CAFUNDÉU 4x2 THE COSHAIRS

Place: Olímpico Imperial, in Lux.
Attendance: 78,990 people.
Referee: Leslie Jassa (Tynelia).
MOTM: Flecha (Cafundéu).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Lauro, Léo Mattos, Toninho (Wilson Magrão 78’), Eduardo Monte and Souza; Anormal, Rato (Carioca 78’) and Neto; Tales (Dário 60’), Heitor and Flecha.
Coach: Franz Braddock.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/the_coshairs.png THE COSHAIRS: no team released.

Goals:CAF: Neto 8’ , Heitor 40’ , Flecha 69’/92’.
TCO: Main Striker 89’/95’.

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Cafundéu – formation for game against Milchama: Lauro, Léo Mattos, Toninho, Eduardo Monte and Souza; Anormal, Rato and Neto; Tales, Heitor and Flecha.
Coach: Franz Braddock.
Style of +3

Match’s Referee: John Namthavisay (Ariddia).

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Goalscorers after 11 games:

8- Heitor
6- Flecha
4- Anormal and Neto
2- Tales and Rato
1- Léo Mattos, Vergara, Dário and Souza

Dr Trevor Langhorn was right, there was basically nothing left, despite the fact they continue to search. They resulted with nothing.

Another dead end and this time they were out of leads, it seemed that they would forever be questioning what this meant, whether it was real or everything they heard was just stories. They just went to leave before the Proffessor noticed something.

"What's this?"

It was an engraving into one of the items of furniture, they didn't notice it before because of the angles of light but now it was as clear as day.

"I don't know, I saw it originally but had no idea what it mean or even if it had anything to do with anything."

"What does it say?" asked Luke

The Doctor bent down and examined the engraving.... "It's in a style of font I've never seen Before... But yes, it certainly says 'Hawdon'"

"Hmm... Hawdon, I remember that name but I can't remember where from."

"The Family are big wigs in politics and Football Caine is the manager for the national soccer team and his cousin Peter was a PM for some time... Though I think he's dead now. I'm surprised he's still got that job."

"Hmmm, so you think that he might be able to help?" asked Luke

"Sure, why not, not like we've got anything else to go by." confirmed the Professor.

Three games remain... Estresse Intenso in the third place. The whole country anxious to see if the Doctors' team has sufficient strength to qualify for its second World Cup.

And, of course, the President of the Landau Institute, Doctor Rogério Landau, was hoping to see a good performance of his National Team. His because it's he who chooses the doctors that will play in the team, and he bought The Machine from an unknown programmer, who came from a foreign country.

Doctor Rogério Landau is now in his personal room, and calls a friend, Doctor Dênis Marques, who watches all the games of the National Team.

DR. MARQUES - "Did you call me, boss?"

DR. LANDAU - "Yes, I did. I need to know more about our qualifying chances."

DR. MARQUES - "The playoff spot seems very close, boss."

DR. LANDAU - "Playoff? So we aren't in a very good situation. You know that a playoff game is something very difficult, it's like a lottery."

DR. MARQUES - "At least it's something."

DR. LANDAU - "And the worst thing is that I have to agree with you. What are the situations of the teams in front of us?"

DR. MARQUES - "Well, Az-cz is playing well and got the first position. But we can overtake Sel Appa, but it's a very difficult mission."

DR. LANDAU - "This doesn't sound promising... well, what about the teams that are below us?"

DR. MARQUES - "Kansiov and British Londinium are just few points behind us. They can pass us soon if we fail in get more points."

DR. LANDAU - "This is something that can't happen! I don't even know these two countries, although I think I've heard something of British Londinium before."

DR. MARQUES - "It's in the feet of our players."

DR. LANDAU - "And in the mind of The Machine... by the way, have you found The Machine's father?"

DR. MARQUES - "No. No foreign computer programmer appeared saying that it's The Machine's father or mother."

DR. LANDAU - "The Machine will be very sad with these news. So, keep looking for him... or her."

From the Meice Journal:

Is there still hope for Vephrall?

MEICE -- Okay, it's a stretch, we admit. But with the team now having won two of its last three games (albeit both against lower-ranked opposition in Vanek Drury Brieres and Naleloospalakintula), a playoff slot is still technically possible. With three matches to go, Vephrall find themselves in a very disappointing sixth place, seven points behind third-placed Estresse Intenso.

There seems to still be a glimmer of hope, until you realize who the remaining opponents are. Fourth-placed Kansiov, unlike us, actually have a realistic chance at grabbing third place, so you can be assured they won't do us any favors. Matchday thirteen against Az-cz, strangely as it may sound, will probably be our easiest of this final run. Why? Well, for one, they've already qualified. And for another, we're not respected enough to even be mentioned in the Az-czid media anymore. This is likely to be an upset special, with Team Vephrall managing a win over what will probably be an Az-cz C team that just woke up 45 minutes before the match. Granted, it won't matter due to the preceding loss to Kansiov, and just to make sure we stay dead, we face Estresse Intenso in the final match, who will still have to play well in order to ensure Kansiov doesn't slip into third place ahead of them (either that, or to attempt to slip into second themselves ahead of Sel Appa for a guaranteed qualification).

So, to answer the headline, no. But I'm sure the VFR loves the money you gave them for all those worthless tickets.

Garage programmer, Franklinton Jones, is a specialist in Artificial Intelligence, particularily in the area of strategies, after almost stumbling across a broadcast of the Estresse Intenso vs. Naleloospalakintulamatch. It was the first time that he had even realised that the team used "The Machine" to determine the teams strategies. And he was obviously interested, as that was his speciality.

Recording the match he went about finding as much data as possible on both the EI and Naleloospalakintula teams. Running the data through the basic algorithm he had from a project that he had a while ago he found that the was enough similiarities, for him to believe that perhaps his algorithms where used in this machine.

But he needed more information... The British Londinium match was recorded and analysed and it too showed a positive correlation. He was stunned...

Though he couldn't remember who he worked for, and a machine like that would need someone who would be able to get the hardware necessary as well as sports related people, The Machine needed alot of experts in their respective fields.

He looked up his files and only had a web contact information, an instant message and email contact, He pulled up his modified version of the client it actually stored things like when a contact was last on.

The contact hadn't been on since his last IM convo... Hmmm... but he had an email. and so he could try and find out the identity of the person through his email address.

He started a search for the mail server that would deliver the email to the client, hacking in he installed a bot that would alert him any time that email address was used.

OOC: Jeru, if this is not possible tell me, but it seems like the Wastle article was written in a place like a newspaper or something, so I'm running with it.

Mr. Wastle,

I was flipping through the Az-cz International, which collects articles from around the world and I saw yours. I want to tell you just how right I think you are. The only thing that separates Dazza Dallas or any of the rest of them is that they know how to manipulate your media. I absolutely agree that the difference between her and another football player is very slim. Here in Az-cz she would never be a star because we don't glorify mediocre looking women into goddesses and we judge on talent above all else. Don't get me wrong, the Jeruselem team and Dazza Dallas in particular are talented footballers, but she's not on the level of rosaniel, or Pizelkaxrovsky, or a Buislanit brother or any number of other players.

It's also unfortunate the gender balance in your country. Your women are all tramps and your men are all weak. I hope you succeed in convincing the men to act more strongly so that the women don't feel such a need to parade around naked to make controversy.

Anyways, thanks for your article. I'm suprised a Jeruselem columnist would point out the nonsense that is Dazza Dallas, but I thank you for doing so.

Tex-Mex

And there's the Cutoff for Matchday 12.

To the nation of Liverpool England,

It has recently been announced that all felons will be arrested if they attempt to enter the country. How exactly do you establish the validity of these claims? I've been reviewing the case of Mr. Fowler and it seems like the acts he did are not deserving of felony status. Near as I can tell he was convicted of videotaping in public, which seems a light crime for a felony. Additionally he was never properly tried, but was convicted in absentia, which seems like a dubious standard. I would like clarification on these issues.

Thank you

Noz-Tf
President Az-cz Football Association

Dear Tex-Mex

I should let you know, Dazza Dallas is a friend of mine and I don't pretend to have no bias in this matter. In fact, we even dated so you know what kind relationship we used to have.

Jeruselem has a habit of making Gods and Goddesses. We live in region where you cannot escape Gods at all, of any kind. While male gods are common, female ones tend not to last. While being a mortal like us, Dazza Dallas is different in a funny way - like a Goddess in football.

Throughout her life, Dazza was always put down by the conservative lobby. Despite this a whore's daughters is now the mother of the future Queen of Jeruselem. She is a very strong character. Putting her down just makes her stronger. In the end she is just a good football player but she obviously is a lot smarter than she looks.

Call Dazza a Goddess but she's just like us, mortal. Strong men have tried to destroy her and sometimes take her life, but she is mentally 100 times stronger than some so-called men I know. We talk of strong men but Dazza has shown us - we are really weak compared to people who can rise above the lowest social classes into the stratosphere. Yes us men claim to be strong but we aren't. My point was some men expect women to give them the "Alpha Male" role but with supermothers like Dazza Dallas - we can't expect our women play the subordinate role anymore.

Wayne Wastle

OOC It was a public opinion article

(ooc: this post will contain swearing)

"SHIT. SHIT. SHIT. THAT'S WHAT YOU ALL PLAYED LIKE THE LAST FIVE MINUTES AGAIN AGAINST THESE FUCKERS FROM JERUSELEM! WE SOMEHOW DREW, BUT THE FUCKING SHITTY FUCKING WAY YOU PLAYED THE LAST FIVE MINUTES WE SHOULD HAVE LOST! WITH ONLY 2 MATCHES LEFT WE CAN'T AFFORD THESE BREAKDOWNS! SO DOUBLE PRACTICE TOMMORROW, BEFORE WE LEAVE EARLY FOR YAFOR 2!" Bellowed Coach Jason Fowler.

"You know what coach? You fucking practice. When you were gone we actually had fun and went from 4th to first. since you came back, we've dropped to a tie for 1st and are only 3 points away from being in 4th. We've had it with your dictortorial practices and all this bulshit about what you did 20 years ago back in Jeruselem." Said Tomas Richter.

"YOU LITTLE SHIT. FUCK YOU, I'M THE COACH, YOU'LL PRACTICE WHEN I SAY YOU DO. JUST FOR TAHT LITTLE OUT BURST YOU'RE BENCHED FOR THE LAST 2 GAMES." Fowler exploded at Richter. "ANY OTHER OF YOU FUCKERS WANNA SIT OUT FOR 2 GAMES?"

Upon hearing that, the entire locker room cautiously looked at each other, and after a moment of silence, got up as a group and walked out of the locker room.

GOALS:
Qazox:
Tomas Richter (8): 31'


NSWiki for Qualifers: http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Qazox_at_World_Cup_37_Qualifing

QSPNFOOTBALL.NETSpecial Report

Dissension amongst the ranks?

After blowing a 1-0 lead again against Jeruselem, Qazox managed to hold on to a 1-1 draw with The Crusaders, the first points the Pheonix have ever earned against their rivals. The lone Qazox goal was scored by Tomas Richter in the 31st minute while Jeruselem managed to tie it in the 85th on a goal by Dinkie Dosha.

But the big news of the day is the player walk-out after the match on reinstated coach Jason Fowler, who is still under bail hearings in Jeruselem. According to an un-named source close to the team, after Fowler blew up at the squad after allowing the tying goal late, one of the players got into a yelling match with the coach, who suspended him for the last 2 games. Upon hearing this, the rest of the team left the locker room as one, ignoring Fowler's threats about suspension.

The QSC has yet to rule on this matter, but appearently, Coach Fowler will be removed as coach, and assistant Rex Hill, who filled in during a 5 game stretch earlier, will be named the new Coach. But the team will also be suspended for the next match for their "strike". A replacement squad of 15 players from the QFL will take their place.

ROSTER FOR THE YAFOR 2 MATCH ONLY
(formation will be a 4-3-3, #1-11 are the starters)
1. Nelson Lashbrook GK (Qazox City)
2. Anne Carmen DEF (Las Vitas)
3. Katie Caulder DEF (Kibbutz)
4. Jerri Mossman SWEEP (Qazox City)
5. Loraine Manuelito DEF (Iguana de Mia)
6. Jessie Burket MID (San Guano)
7. Jeanie Arnhold MID (San Guano)
8. Lilia Piscopo MID (Qazox City)
9. Darryl Brow LW (Rockport AC)
10. Roxie Chatterton STR (Inter Rockport)
11. Darryl Natali RW (Inter Rockport)
SUBS:
12. Christian Rexroad GK (Fromburg Aston)
13. Lorrie Uchida DEF (Qazox City)
14. Erika Donohoe MID (Iguana de Mia)
15. Ted Hauenstein FOR (Qazox City)

Kate Dallas and Dinkie Dosha were standing looking at the football, Qazox was leading ONE NIL and time was passing. They had a free kick outside the box, while the other Jeruselem strikers hustling around to find a free opportunity. The stadium in Qazox was tense with locals hoping the team would win this encounter, while visiting Jeruselemites were praying. Kate gave Dinkie a secret signal "Torpedo". Dinkie blinked looked at the Qazox goal, seeing a rather large gap had formed near the left goal post.

Dinkie hit the shot low, with the Qazox keeper scrambling but it was too late as the ball deflected off the innner post into the back of Qazox goal. The Jeruselemites chanted "DINKIE! DINKIE! DINKIE!" as local fans sighed. The referee blew the whistle a few minutes later as Jeruselem got the draw. Kate patted Dinkie on back and smiled "Well, the old Dinkie is back!". The other players ran to Dinkie and congratulated her too.

Security men ran into the field and escorted the Princess off the field, they didn't want a repeat of what happened in Jeruselem. Kate Bush was sitting on the bench feeling a bit ill after an allergic reaction to something she ate the day before. She wandered off back to the dressing room.

<Later>

Hikfie was sitting a computer but she couldn't get any Internet.

Hikfie: Kate! I can't get Outernet!
Kate: You mean Internet dopey
Hikfie: Yeah, Internet.
Kate: Well, you turned on computer without crashing it for once. Let's see!

Hikfie: Well?
Kate: You see this blue cable?
Hikfie: Yeah, I wonder what that does ...
Kate: Look what happens when you plug in here.

Hikfie: Wow, I have Internet.
Kate: Yeah, don't forget.
Hikfie: But I don't need a cable at your place.
Kate: Because we have wireless Internet.

Hifkie: Wow, that's exciting!
Kate: We're been using it since I was born dopey
Hikfie: How come I don't have at home?
Kate: Because you keep on turning off the wireless router.

Hikfie: What's that?
Kate: The thing which looks like hi tech toaster
Hikfie: Oh that's what that was. Why are you dressed like some Anime Ninja girl?
Kate: Err, party in half an hour ...

PRUXTON PRESS

Prawns Power Problems Persist

Prux' problems pertaining passing and awful attacking continue causing to create headaches heavily on higherups. A scoreless slugfest saw BBQ basically burst our bubble.

A basically chancy defense effortlessly finds goals hardly inviting, just kicking late means no oppertunities; perphaps quixotically Red shutout the underwhelming vistors, while Xerxes yearns zen.

Audioslavia comes to town next for the home finale, and the Prawns look to snap this long winless streak.

Prux' Scoring this match:
NONE

Prux' Overall scoring: (16 goals)
007: 7
Pi R. Squared: 3
The Sphinx: 3
Pies R. Round: 2
Italian w/ Hot Peppers: 1

Overall Record so far for Prux:
1 win-5 draws-6 losses 8 points, 8th in group 2 with a -10 goal differental.

(ooc: i'll try anything for a win even bad alliteration and a sentence that makes little sense, but starts with every letter of the alphabet...lol)

Younger players to get national team experience

KANSIOV -- With yet another disappointing loss, the inevitable finally came into being, with Vephrall officially eliminated from qualifying consideration with two matches to spare. Interim manager Rhoetang Dotsmens has indicated that he plans to start some of his lesser-used players against Az-cz and Estresse Intenso. "Hell, it's not like we have anything to lose," he told this reporter.

Meanwhile, the VFR has finally made public its list of candidates for the position of national team manager beginning with the Cup of Harmony. They have chosen five candidates: Rhoetang Dotsmens, current interim national team manager
Sorrah Dotsmens, manager, Huellim FE
Freprisis Scezes, manager, Penuler OC
Umsaasad Pentove, manager, CE e Flaarickug
Scezes Coteskais, manager, Knoleier FE
The VFR's decision is expected to be announced shortly after the Estresse Intenso match.

Final score
Kansiov 3 (Jarebwoski 27'; Shankiev 52', 69')
VEPHRALL 2 (Wais 11', 38')

The game was overshadowed by the news, some that hit almost every fan, player, and official in the country- after all, one of their own had died.

Not a person, of course.

After a number of inspections, it was deemed that Tyrellian Ylompic Stadium was unfit for service. The stadium was to be torn down in two weeks- the final Qualifying home game being held at Four Towers, deeper into the city.

So this was it, with little time to organize the fanfare, the site of Casari's greatest victories ever was going to be destroyed in two weeks.

Of course, when the match means more, the opponents mean less, so nobody really cared who the team was playing- some other team, apparently.

An early away lead was worthy of concern, of course, but the equalizer and the winner came in quick succession before halftime, and with the away team looking well and truly defeated as they went in for the half, the fans looked at their slightly dilapidated home ground, the home of countless Cup Finals and National Team Matches.

The stage which was erected on one end was rather plain- some sets of speakers, yes, but that was all. It was only when the 5 rock stars in their late 30s took the stage. They had agreed to the last minute date, tacked onto the end of the end of a 28 city tour. They had gone mostly unnoticed until one tapped the microphone.

"Hey everybody... They told us they were tearing this place down, and we didn't think we could let the place where we had our first big show get blown up without a good farewell. So, for the second and final time ever, the last choice act of the CSA, we're KC and the World Cup Band."

The second half had no real challenges, but were accompanies by a rolling, shapeless cheer that circled around the stadium. The slow-motion Mexican Wave circled the stadium again and again, and the day didn't even turn sour when the alcohol and pies ran out. A fitting end to a fitting stadium, some would say.

KC and the World Cup band played a full set after the game, with the Casaran players hanging around to listen, with the extreme majority of the fans. When it was over, they greeted the band, telling about how big a fans they were, and all sorts of other things that came to mind. Then, after bending over and kissing the field, they filed out, and the era of soccer at Ylompic Stadium was over.

Fittingly, the stadium withstood three attempts at implosion and another two of impacts from the wrecking ball before it came down. A small victory, but a moral one nonetheless.

Office of the Minister for Foreign Affairs
Liverpool England Foreign Affairs Ministry
32 Embassy St.
CCL, Government Territory, Liverpool England

Mr. Noz-Tf,
You misunderstand. At no point did we say we do not allow convicted felons to obtain a visa. We do not allow anyone who has been convicted of a crime, in any country, under reasonable circumstances (including in absentia, should there have been reasonable efforts to try the accused in his presence), to obtain a sporting visa, and thus if Jason Fowler attempts to enter the country he will have to do so either with a valid normal visa (where conditions are slightly looser), or he will be doing so illegally. If the latter we will arrest him unconditionally.

I hope I have answered your questions and will be happy to respond to further queries.

Kazuhiro Asunora
First Secretary to the Foreign Minister
Liverpool England

http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/logos/tribune/
AEROPAG, JI · 0.10 g Au · 168–04–09
Bid for Roy Hartenholm’s third kit on iBay today! Bidding starts at only 1 kg Au!

Sports: SLANI reaches World Cup in spectacular fashion
VOGSPHERE, SQUORNSHELOUS—Take a rivalry between two of the oldest continuously-competing footballing nations. Put them in the same World Cup qualifying group. Add an inconclusive draw in their first match. Throw in a striker near breaking his nation’s career scoring record and a helping of other world-class players and competent officials. Liberally sprinkle goals to taste. Bake for ninety minutes at 310 K. What do you get? One of the most memorable matches in the history of international football. (And of course, you can watch it—either the full match or the numerous highlights—at tribune.ucs.)

The unusually warm weather didn’t stop seventy-five thousand fans from packing the Vogsphere Arena to its capacity. The Capitalizts were somewhat surprised to find that despite its paltry capacity compared to the many large venues of the Unified Capitalizt States, this venue could be just as loud as the Überdome. Ostensibly due to clashes with both the Pschychoes’ black and red outfielder kits and their white goalkeeper kits, the second-ranked Capitalizt SLANI side lined up in their green and gold third kits—colors which the more dedicated fans would recognize as first being used in the final of the fifteenth World Cup, when the side then known as Commerce Heights defeated Squornshelous in a penalty shootout to hoist the trophy. The stage was set. And in the first half, Margaret said, “Let there be goals,” and there were goals.

It didn’t take long, as Erkki Aatunen powered the ball in from fifteen yards out in the fifty-fourth second, after Abúndia Tqaperena made a poor decision to come out for the ball. The mostly Squornshelan crowd was deafening after the early lead, so much so that some players initially failed to hear the referee’s whistle in the second minute, when Judith Pérez bumped into and fouled Mikkula Kuivalainen. The Capitalizts would soon remedy this issue, as 정강나 (Jūŋ Gaŋ-na) blasted a header into the top corner of the goal to equalize the match at 1–1 in the eighth minute and silence the fans. Margaret saw that the goals were good, and She separated the Squornshelan goals from the Capitalizt goals.

Unlike their previous encounter in the quarterfinals of World Cup 34, the match was a relatively clean affair, and the only booking came in the twelfth minute, when the Pschychoes’ Dmitri Pokolov pushed off of young defender Karsten Hünefeld while trying to get to the ball. An impressive goal by Roman Svoboda in the nineteenth minute was called offside by the referee due to Polokov blocking the goalkeeper’s vision. Offside calls abounded in the remainder of the first half, particularly against Squornshelous, though analysis of the video shows that each and every one of these was correct. The only other real goal came in the thirty-eighth minute, when Aatunen lobbed the ball over Tqaperena to pick up his second of the game. The 2–1 Squornshelous lead would stand until half-time.

After seemingly-encouraging talks by both Jan Jorgenson and Satúrio Luguëo, who was also the captain for the Capitalizts during their World Cup 34 clash with the Pschychoes, the second half would also start with a bang. Tomas Vendelin would extend Squornshelous’s lead to 3–1 in the forty-seventh minute on what was intended as a cross to Polokov, but which Tqaperena was unable to prevent from passing the goal line. And Margaret said, “Let there be goals in the expanse of the pitch to separate the Squornshelans from the Capitalizts, and let them serve as signs to mark hat-tricks and double hat-tricks.”

And it was so. The first of these goals came in the fifty-second minute, when captain Roy Hartenholm curled a twenty-five meter free kick between the posts to cut Squornshelous’s margin to 3–2. Six minutes later, Hartenholm was able to lob the ball over goalkeeper Kustaa Paavalainen’s head to bring SLANI level once again. He earned a hat-trick in the seventy-second minute, by drawing a foul from Staffan Thorstein in the penalty area, chipping the ensuing penalty kick with an odd spin and bouncing it off the post and into the goal—a move which he had clearly practiced many times. Capitalizt SLANI’s 4–3 lead at this point, however, was not as surprising as the events that would follow it. The one-goal deficit only encouraged the Pschychoes’ attack to push harder, which allowed the relentless striker to spin past their defense and make the lead 5–3 in the seventy-sixth minute. Jorgenson made the poor decision not to pull back at this point, seeing a two-goal comeback of his own as a very real possibility, and continued pressing the Capitalizts’ inexperienced defense. However, Hartenholm forced his hand in the seventy-ninth minute with another goal from a free kick, pushing the Capitalizts’ lead to three goals.

As it turns out, that goal was enough to tie Hartenholm with the ancient striker Billy Quigley—later “Trevor Belless”—for the most career goals for Capitalizt SLANI/Commerce Heights. The tired Pschychoes defense held for the final ten minutes of normal time, frustrating the SLANI captain as the final whistle approached. He was finally able to take the record outright in the tenth second of the ninety-third minute, calmly heading a Javier Lewis corner kick into the net to make the score 7–3, sealing the record and becoming only the second Capitalizt SLANI player to score a double hat-trick (after Alejandro Bolúfero). The sound of the final whistle was music to the Capitalizts’ ears, and the team celebrated as the stunned Squornshelous fans headed home. Margaret saw all that she had made, and it was very good.

The incredible win was enough to secure Capitalizt SLANI a spot in World Cup 37, to be held in Ad’ihan and Novapsolu. Though the only way they could have been eliminated previously was in an unlikely three-way tie broken on head-to-head results, Luguëo commented after the match that “having it sewn up is still quite a relief.” In addition to the individual records set by Roy Hartenholm, the match is also the highest-scoring in Capitalizt SLANI’s history (excluding Bedistan’s records, which include an 8–7 win over Vilita). Videos of the game with various audio commentaries have shown up across the Internet. It is a match that will be remembered for decades to come; one that will be brought up each time these two great rivals clash on the pitch again. Han’il, Takil!

haimaidu's column from the First Creek Falls (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/First_Creek_Falls) City News.

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/FallsCityNews.gif

HIGH FIVES WITH HAIMAIDU

How do you do? Hi, it’s an hallucinating haimaidu.
http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/haimaidu.jpg

THE DREAMED REALM

Let me tell you about the strangest experience of my footballing career – our trip to the Dreamed Realm to play the Archregimancy. This is the first time any Errinundrian team has ever made the trip and, believe me, it is like no other.

Three days before the scheduled match a team of monks, led by Archimandrite Father Josef the Helmsman, arrived in First Creek Falls with oodles of materials and equipment. How they all got them here no-one can tell, however they are a trustworthy bunch so there was no fear of illegal products getting by the sniffer wombats.

Hurried along by father Josef the monks built a box, about 2½ metres high by about 1½ metres across with a door on the front and a light at the top. A coat of navy blue paint completed the construction which they called the PORTAL. Our wonder increased when Father Josef advised us that departure would take place once the Potoroos, their support crew and all 10,000 fans holding valid tickets had entered the box. This was to take place the day before the big match.

Now, the ticket holders were supposed to be male members of the Irago Dervish Meditation Society – male because the Archregimancy does not permit female fans at its matches. Well, as you all know by now, the IDMS was a front for the radical feminist group (and owners of the most deliciously multi-meaninged name in the known universe) Women Without Doubt. All 10,000 women were disguised by fake beards and the flowing robes of the meditating dervishers. I guess the monks aren’t familiar with female anatomy because all 10,000 women happily presented their tickets and entered the PORTAL.

It took a few hours to load the fans and then it was our turn to enter. Female players and support crew are tolerated but the monks still got a bit snooty as we walked through the door. We soon forgot the monks once inside as, wonder of wonders, it was enormous: like a huge rooming house full of dormitories lined with bunks. I couldn’t resist stepping back into the doorway and standing so I could see inside and out simultaneously. It was extraordinary. I moved my head back and forth. It was true: the PORTAL was bigger inside than out. Trusting the monks utterly, I re-entered and was met by a nervous looking monk named Father Nikita the Cobbler who handed me a strange little device shaped like a falopian tube with 5 blue lights attached on the curved section. Another blue light was embedded in the lower section. He called it an RC iota.

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/aprikap3.png
Up and coming Potoroo, aprikap, holding her RC iota.

I was then informed by the monk that I was to wear the device on my head when I slept in my bunk that night. We were all keen to get to the Dreamed Realm so pretty well everyone hit the sack early. Apparently almost 700 of the fans were too excited to sleep and missed the match. Not me. I went out like a light and awoke (well, I think I awoke) in a well-appointed but austere wooden change room. The rest of the Potoroos were there along with the support staff, all looking as astonished as I felt. A monk introducing himself as Father Vladimir the Asker of What is to be Done explained that we were at Borisoglebsky Stadium and that the match would commence in three hours after a short religious ritual. As he led us onto the field I noticed that we were suddenly wearing our playing kits. I certainly had no recollection of changing. Monks filled the wooden stand at one end of the ground, entirely separated and blocked off from the Errinundrian fans who occupied the other three sides.

By half time the Monks were leading 2-1. The only odd thing to that point had been when otemki had kicked a breretond style goal, ie in the 23rd minute, and the Errinundrian fans screamed a tad more shrilly than might have been expected. A monkish voice bellowed over the loadspeakers, “Are there any women here?” The female players all put up our hands but the fans looked at their feet and murmured “No” in low registers.

After the break things really did get bizarre. As the Monks were about to kick off all the fans disrobed, bared their female bums en masse and then began to caper naked in the stands. The players, the officials and all the monks simply gaped in amazement. It gets weirder. A few seconds later all the female players found a doppleganger standing by their side. Seeing an exact replica of yourself is most unnerving. Odd thing was, aptai’s doppleganger had her arm in a sling. I don’t know for sure how long this lasted but the next thing I do know for sure I was back in my bunk in the PORTAL. aptai, who was in the opposite bunk, was so astonished she fell out and broke her collarbone.

As aptai was attended by a kindly monk named Father Leon of the Herbs and Ice Picks it soon became apparent that all female persons at Borisoglebsky Stadium had been transported back to ordinary reality. Father Vladimir the Asker of What is to be Done suddenly appeared and ordered all the female fans to be gone and to never darken the Dreamed Realm again. Ignoring our poked out tongues he apologised to the female members of the team explaining that, in their haste to rid the stadium of the depraved fans, the operators of the PORTAL had returned all females to ordinary reality. He explained that it was the morning after our departure and, in accordance with our natural biorhythms we could not be returned until that night.

Father Vladimir also explained that the PORTAL operators were about to make a mistake: returning us two seconds early and hence, being female, we would be returned to ordinary reality once again. This would explain the doppelganger vision. He apologised for the stuff up but was confident they would manage to get us onto the playing field again moments later. Sure enough that night, after I nodded off, I returned to the playing field as a doppelganger. Things went woozy for a few seconds before focus returned. We could now start the second half, albeit without any Errinundrian supporters.

I looked at aptai and noticed that her sling was fading away. She gave her arm a shake and whooped out loud. On seeing this breretond walked up to aryare and punched him in the nose as hard as he could. For a moment the nose was plastered all over the unfortunate aryayre’s face. The rest of the team stood dumbfounded, wondering if all this dream travelling had sent breretond mad when, to our further astonishment, aryayre’s nose popped back into place. Our champion defender gingerly rubbed his nose then smiled at breretond. We all smiled then. This was going to be some second half.

If you don’t fear injury you don’t hold back. Every contested ball resulted in a full-on collision between a Potoroo and a Monk. Nobody worried about neck or limb or the goal posts or the cross bar or the boundary fence. Subsequent video analysis of the match indicates the following injury count:

Broken noses: 33 (ie, some players managed it more than once)
Fractured skulls: 14
Split eyebrows: 17
Broken teeth: too many to count
Split lips: everybody
Broken necks: 4
Broken ribs: 53 shared between 17 players
Punctured lungs: 12
Ruptured spleens: 3
Broken legs: 8
Sprained ankles: 21
Bruised shins: everybody
Etc. Etc. Etc.

The goals at each end of the ground had to be replaced when the crossbars become severely distorted from all the collisions. There is some evidence that Father Nicholas the Right-Minded actually died after impaling himself on a fence picket. He swears he can’t remember.

In any case the match ended, as you would already know, in another 3-all draw, a reflection of the earlier match. If you don’t believe me, check the scorers and the times.

After the match we returned to ordinary reality. Unfortunately for aptai she went back to her broken collarbone and will miss the next four matches. What a strange collective dream it had been.

P.S. henyua is still asking why there aren't two of all the female players back in ordinary reality.
P.P.S. Father Vladimir the Asker of What is to be Done told us afterwards that it was a good thing the 10,000 women were feminists rather than the sort of fans they had met during the earlier game.

Q. Why were no red or yellow cards handed out?

A. The referees were asleep on the job.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/The_Archregimancy_png
The Archregimancy 3
(Father David of the Woods 3, Father Severian the Strict 27, Father. Innocent of Ariddia 58)

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Errinundera.png
Errinundera 3
(otemki 23, avilmou 54, scerberu 75)
(leighm medal votes: avilmou 3, agloir 2, catsuku 1)

Errinundera's WC37 scorers:
scerberu 22
breretond 8
avilmou 7
immelfar 4
otemki 2
sanoo 2
catsuku 1
ipieomenicu 1
oovaroo 1

leighm medal tally:
scerberu 19
agloir 11
ipieomenicu 6
avilmou 5
catsuku 5
henyua 5
aryayre 4
eboshiadu 4
aptai 3
breretond 3
haimaidu 3
onito 2
readnough 2

TEAM SELECTION FOR THE GAME AGAINST DANCE 2 REVOLUTION

Forwards: scerberu, breretond, avilmou, otemki (sub)
Midfielders: agloir (dvc), henyua, ipieomenicu, catsuku, aprikap (sub)
Backs: haimaidu (vc), aryayre, eboshiadu, froesu (sub)
Keepers: readnough, oyavereig (sub)

In: ipieomenicu, aprikap, oyavereig
Out: aptai (collarbone), iribu (rested), onito (rested)

Venue: Frosty Hollow, Rooty Break

The implosion of Kura-Pelland as a civilised nation was ensured after a 2-1 defeat to The Non-RPing N00b and Zyla's draw against Patusan.

In the general election the following day, the National Democrats won the biggest majority in the history of the unified country, sealing over 60% of the seats and almost 50% of the vote. They have declared this 'a mandate for the most comprehensive reform in the country's history' and have instantly wiped out many labour reforms made in the last ten years. This, coupled with other populist right-wing measures set to be introduced, will effectively turn Kura-Pelland into a country not dissimilar to Zyla, and there are rumours that Zyla now wish to rejoin Kura-Pelland in return for certain policies, probably including limits on abortion, gay marriage and media content.

The dream of liberal democracy in Kura-Pelland seems to be dead for now. The capitalist revolution has begun, and it all started on the football field. To this end, the KPFA is to be privatised, possibly along the Commerce Heights model.

From the blog GNUbots and GNUdists

Worse than the GNUs!

Did you think there is nothing worse than the GNUs? well, now we know that there is. The truck carrying the GNUs had a bad accident on the way to the stadium. while no human life was affected, the GNUs were in a state which requires a MacGyver to repair them.

All fans and HURDists tried quickly to repair the robots, but it seemed to be in vain. The robots were not able to move, let alone, play. Farue had the idea to run to an electronics store to get spare parts, but this failed because infrastructure did not assume they would need money and thus not provided them with any. Servi had an idea which sounded ridiculous at first but not that bad when all alternatives have been unsuccessfull: human players! Of course everybody laughed since it was clear that football was a sport for robots in the HURD, but then, other nations had human players. This was why the GNUs, which took the field now were the most athletic HURDists the team could find. the lack of team uniforms led to another creative solution: black is the traditional color which hackers wear and thus, black trousers and blackt-shirts with the flag of the HURD - like many fans wear were used as kits.

The human GNUs had only one reason to be on the field: to prevent a disgrace for the nation. Thus they used a tactic, which in the world of soccer is called System Karela. Maybe it is not beautiful, but it was effective to keep the score low. Still - the nation considers this match to be a disgrace.

Brave Bulls Bow Out
Another winless game dumps us out of contention

Last night saw Audioslavia's chances of qualifying for their 26th World Cup officially end with a home draw against Cookesland. It matters not that the draw was a credible one, or even that Audioslavia looked like sneaking the game before Barry Maxwell's 86th minute effort tore into the top corner, taking two points, and the wind, from the Audioslavian team.

The home team had started brightly against the 56th ranked nation in the world, taking an unlikely ninth-minute lead from a deflected Alessander Marriot free-kick and pressing for a second for much of the first half. Cookesland's forty-eighth minute equaliser, a powerfully hit header by Colin Short from an inch-perfect cross from the right boot of winger DeMon Gahret, spelled the end for any hopes that Audioslavia would finally dominate a home encounter as they found themselves pinned back in their own half for much of the second period. A converted penalty for a supposed trip on Auren O`Connor inside the area gave us some hope for an unlikely win but, alas, it was not to be for the plucky amateurs of Audioslavia. Its back to the drawing board for that intelligent and, lets face it, very sexy manager Jeremy Jaffacake, to see if he and his brilliant mind can forge a way through for the Bulls in World Cup 38.

I've been... 'Jerome Cake-a-Jaffe', G'nite Bitches.

"That'll do" thought Jeremy, reading over his article again. "No-one will notice that I wrote it, not with a cunningly imagined pseudonym like that". Smirking to himself, he typed the words 'submissions@bullsonparade.co.as" into the address field and clicked 'send'. With any luck, his article would be up within the hour. It had been barely ten hours since the game. If he found the right spot, then in another ten hours, that game will be tommorrow. Would be tommorow. Was tomorrow. Jeremy sighed. Despite all his years riding the time paradoxes in the Holy Empire, he'd never quite got the hang of what to do with what to do with tenses. He'd have learned, of course, but not even being able to spell the word 'tommorow' properly pretty much put him off the idea of learning the complexities of the English language. Running before walking and all that.

Right now, Jeremy didn't look a day over forty, and he loved it. After the Satiaville game all those months ago he'd resolved to get himself back to the Holy Empire and endulge in a little time-riding. He was on his way there now, and would probably be there in time for last week. He'd never forgotten how he'd found out about the Holy Empire time paradoxes in the first place. Research. Writing that book on football all those years ago, that hideously ill-advised and mal-written book that he, as a twenty-five year old journalist, thought was the bees own knees, brought him to The Holy Empire in the hope of researching football in Alasdair I Frosticus. He'd remebered the meeting with the monk like it was yesterday. After all, how could anyone forget the sight of one monk groggily waking up, looking around him, panicking, and desperately trying to fall asleep again as three or four other monks, who had seen Jeremy trying to wake up this one monk, threw themselves to the floor, counting sheep a million at a time. Who could forget being lead away by some angry looking Archregimancy types and being accused of trying to assasinate an entire realm. It was only later, after his release, that he'd been allowed to enter the dreamed realm and to talk to a few members of the Alasdair I Frosticus football team. It was there and then, that day, that one of the players had intoduced him to a small, yet heavily guarded, cave where half a dozen decidedly dodgy looking dudes - a mixture of shamed ex-monks and rather famous foreign types - congregated. It was in this cave, and a few other places, where the 'dirty' eddies of time conspired to make a mockery of chronology. He entered as a twenty-four year old and came out as a twenty-year old.

Jeremy re-opened his laptop. He still had his friend's old explanation of the Holy Empire time-paradoxes somewhere in the computer. Written, of course, in layman's terms:

Well dude, there are two explanations why time goes backwards really fast in some places. First of all, theres the science theory, where, like, the universe is expanding, you know, and like, if something expands then it starts filling with holes? You know? Like stretching blu-tac like reeaallly slowly, it starts to get little holes in, right? But because, you know, the universe is shaped like a kind of saddle, and we're like, pretty near the edge of the universe, when you get a small hole, the outer edge of the universe is attracted to the hole, like via gravity or dark matter or something, and curls in to fill in the gap, but only for a short time, but long enough for time to go backwards in that really minute space for like, an hour, but time can go back for like, years and years, in ten minutes, if you're sat in that space, right? Then, like, the hole heals, and the universe goes back to how it was, and then you've got normality until, like, the next hole happens. The cool bit is, well, you know how when you put a hole in something and then repair it, if you tear the same thing then the hole is likely to, you know, happen in the same place? Well thats how we can tell where you're gonna get the next hole, and when, kinda...

The other explanation is god and stuff... I don't get it, but thats the reason the monks give, if you can, like, get them to talk, which involves waking them up, which they don't like... you know...

Drivel. Neither reason made sense, and Jeremy was sure that going backwards in time was still impossible. It didn't matter to him that it worked and it had made him years younger in a matter of minutes plenty of times over in the past. It was impossible, and that was that.

The ferry touched against the shores of The Archregimancy. Jeremy shared a knowing glance with a paticularly devious looking passenger on the boat who looked almost as good for his age as Jeremy himself.

Apologies for how grotesquely badly written this RP is. The next one will be a tad clearer, I promise.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/konora.png Konora 1-6 Sorthern Northland http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/sorthern_northland.png

A six one victory away from home may just have bought Sorthern Northland manager Kevin Hugh some time to save his job. However with two games left and the Sortherners already out of the World Cup it may be too little to late. Unnamed senior players in the squad have also told me in confidentiality that they are beginning to wonder whether Hugh is the man for the job. Some rumours even suggest that Hugh has already lost the dressing room with the team ignoring his instructions and following those of the captain, Kim Min-Kim. Hugh's contract is due to run out at the end of the qualifying campaign and the SNFA have said that they will as usual be reviewing his contract and deciding whether or not a new one will be offered. Corcaigh manager Kevaughn Ó Criomhthain is favourite for the job should Hugh's contract not be renewed. Should Feng Shui retire from playing he is also likely to be considered.

With all the behind the scenes commotion it is easy to forget that a match actually took part. Considering how bad the run that Sorthern Northland had been on was, not many of those following the team to Konora would have been expecting a draw let alone hoping for the miracle of a win. With the memory of the controversial scenes that ensured when these two teams met in Beningrad fresh in the memory Kevin Hugh (if he chose the team), left Relondinho, who received a red card in that game and Neuville Senna, who should have received a red card for smashing his forearm into the Konora goalkeepers face and then latter knocked the keeper out in an incident that the Konora manager claimed was "an attempt to kill our player". With these players out Jing Mao who already has 7 goals in just 6 appearances mainly from the bench and Diego Maran were brought in.

Edgar Willonson scored with a fantastic long range free kick in the game in Beningrad and when he repeated that feat here to put Konora into a one goal lead, many of the Sorthern Northland contingent prepared themselves for the worse. The Konoran's then went on to dominate much of the rest of the half and should in reality have gone into the half time break five or six goals up. They didn't though and following a second half resurgence from the Sorthern Northland team they will be sure to rue those missed chances.

At the start of the second half the Sortherners switched to a 2-4-4 formation with Shorey, Min and Maran were all taken off and replaced by Korea China, Kang Kan-Kang (who was bought into the squad to replace Senna) and Gung Ho-Suk. This triple substitution seemed to do the trick as Gung and Kang combined almost straight from the kick off to draw the score level. Gung's perfectly timed past left the Konoran defenders standing still claiming offside, but replays show that Kang was onside. Kang was then left with a simple one on one with the keeper whom he beat easily to level the scores.

Just seconds later the two combined again in almost the exact same fashion but this time it was Kang's pass that spilt the defence and Gung who put the ball past the keeper to put the Sortherners in front and to claim his first goal for his country. The shocked Konorans then seemed to completely collapse as the Sortherners ran riot. A third goal came after 65 minutes following a brilliant solo run by Korea China who took on three defenders before calmly slotting the ball between the legs of the keeper for his second goal in his international carer. SN's record goalscorer Kim Mim-Kim soon got in on the act scoring twice to take the score to 4-1 and then 5-1. With 15 minutes remaining Jing Mao finished off the scoring with a spectacular volley from well outside the area.

SNFA finally apologise to Rejistania

The Sorthern Northland Football Association today issued a statement apologisising to their Rejistani counterparts for a mix up in the game between the two nations in Beningrad that meant that the wrong flag was displayed and the wrong anthem played. The SNFA apologises for any offence this may have caused and has commented that it will in future introduce a more rigorous system to check that all flags and anthems are the correct one to avoid any further offence to competitors and embarrassment for the association.

OOC: Aspects of this were done at AIF’s request. Credit for the creativity goes to him.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/alasdair_i_frosticus.png Holy Empire 1-4 Ariddia http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/ariddia.png

Ariddians visit Holy Empire

Visiting the dazzling realm of the Holy Empire was to be a historic occasion for the Rouge-et-Noirs, and they did so with a string of five consecutive victories behind them, putting them at the best of their form.

It was, incredibly, the first match played between the two veteran teams on Frostican ground. It was also the first time an Ariddian team had played in the Empire since the latter hosted World Cup 2.

And what a trip it was. The Imperial authorities had, without prior announcement, decided to honour the visiting team with a full ceremonial detachment from the élite Imperial Guard, who escorted the slightly awed Rouge-et-Noirs into the amazing Imperial Hippodrome. The home crowd greeted their guests with a deafening roar of welcome, and the stadium seemed filled with waves of black, red and green from home supporters. Ariddian captain Iol Et looked stunned, but soon grinned and waved at the crowd, who cheered even louder. Jamilah Shahrour, normally renowned for criticising aspects of every country she visits, was smiling warmly.

“You’re all wonderful!” she shouted up at spectators, returning their waving with a large grin.

After the anthems, the two teams walked towards the centre of the field, and the Ariddians moved into place for the traditional ulek. The players of the Imperial team – including Juan Tzimisces – bowed respectfully, and the Ariddians responded in kind. Before they could begin the ulek, however, something utterly unexpected occurred. The home crowd started to chant the ulek itself – a deafening roar of 100,000 voices. Ariddia’s players seemed momentarily startled, then some smiled or laughed, and joined in, their eleven voices merging into the thousands from all around them.

As the Rouge-et-Noirs began to perform the ulek, the sun was beginning to set, its rays in the majestic reddening sky reflecting off the spectacular jewels and gold of the stadium’s roof, drawing gasps from Ariddian spectators in the stadium.

And if they thought that was overwhelming, they were in for a new surprise as the Basileus himself appeared unannounced in the Imperial Box, attending the historic match in person. There were murmurs and whispers in the crowd, an almost palpable hum of excitement. This was no ordinary event, and no ordinary game. The Frosticans had done far more than roll out a metaphorical red carpet for their guests – they had, so to speak, strewn it with the Empire’s famed and dazzling gems.

Clearly impressed, Ariddian players did not allow themselves to be distracted.

There was applause as the match began, with the kick-off going to Ariddia. Heather Rodriguez passed to Ann Cove, who battled her way closer to Andrew Dalassano’s goalcage before passing to Elmi Guirreh. Guirreh tried to aim a shot, but Alexius Ducaso-Murtzuphlo’s defence forced him to make a hasty pass back to Hwang Kumchol. As Hwang attempted to press forward, Nicephorus Phocaso tackled the ball away from him and shot it a long way towards the Ariddian side, where Andronicus Comneno began a counter-attack. There was more applause.

It was set to be an exciting match from the start, and Juan Tzimisces delighted home supporters by scoring the first goal of the match – a powerful long shot in the seventeenth minute.

By half-time, however, the Rouge-et-Noirs had scrambled back up into a 2-1 lead, courtesy of two goals by Hwang Kumchol. The Arctic Islander (who was “discovered” by the world of international football during the Oriental Cup, and is the only Arctic Islander on the Rouge-et-Noirs squad) proved the revelation of the first half. He seemed mildly surprised at his own achievement, and was hauled off his feet by his crewmates at half-time, as they left the field.

Two more goals in the second half (from Guirreh and Takahara) gave the Ariddians a highly convincing 4-1 win over their major opponent in qualifying group 11.

Upon returning to their homeland, Ariddian players and supporters were still breathless from the welcome they had received in the Empire.

“It’s something I’ll never forget,” Shahrour (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Jamilah_Shahrour) said. “It was absolutely amazing. I think we all feel greatly honoured, and I hope we can repay their incredible hospitality one day.”

The Rouge-et-Noirs are now assured of qualifying, leading to speculation about the possibility of fielding more “backup” players for the remaining matches.

Mr. Asunora

I have further questions. First how do you define reasonable circumstances? Secondly, why is it easier to obtain a regular visa than a sporting visa? Thirdly, why does your nation feel the need to interject in matters that don't involve it. Mr. Fowler traveled to Jeruselem itself and wasn't arrested. Why does Liverpool England refuse to follow protocols that even the prosecuting nation itself follows?

Thank you for your time and effort.

Noz-Tf
President Az-cz Football Association

Office of the Minister for Foreign Affairs
Liverpool England Foreign Affairs Ministry
32 Embassy St.
CCL, Government Territory, Liverpool England

Mr. Noz-Tf,
Thank you for contacting the Foreign Affairs Ministry. The First Secretary has informed me of your queries and I have decided that I shall personally respond to them.

We only give sporting visas to athletes and officials coming to Liverpool England for a sporting event. These same people travelling here as tourists would have to apply for a regular visa. Therefore we have strict requirements on who we can give sporting visas to. If someone has been convicted of a crime we will ask that they instead obtain a regular visa to enter the country.

Obviously applications for regular visas would have their own criteria, and among them would include if someone has a criminal record. However, regular visas are decided on a case-by-case basis and someone with a minor record would still most likely be let into the country. Therefore it would theoretically be easier for someone like Jason Fowler to apply for a regular visa to enter the country, as there is no way he will be granted a sporting visa unless the conviction is crushed.

As far as I understand it, Jason Fowler was not arrested in Jeruselem due to immunity given to him as a member of a foreign sports delegation. As you may or may not know, Jason Fowler was subsequently arrested and deported to Jeruselem when his team played in a country with no such immunity. Liverpool England does not arrest people just because they have a criminal record. We would only arrest Jason Fowler if he attempted to, or successfully, entered the country illegally, i.e. without a visa. If Jason Fowler arrived in Liverpool England legally, we would not arrest him nor would we deport him to Jeruselem, as we do not have an expatriation policy with Jeruselem.

Thirdly, I am sure you appreciate that Liverpool England has its own laws to uphold. It is therefore incorrect and unacceptable, in my opinion, for you to suggest that we "refuse to follow protocols that even the prosecuting nation itself follows". As I have pointed out, Fowler would have been arrested in Jeruselem had he not had immunity. There is no such immunity here, meaning he (or anyone else here on a sporting visa, or otherwise) could be arrested if he commits a crime here. However I must re-emphasise that we will not arrest him for a crime he committed in Jeruselem.

Lastly, with regard to your first point, reasonable circumstances, as laid out by our law on this, is a rather broad definition which usually is influenced by the country in which the accused has been prosecuted. In-absentia prosecutions are considered a reasonable circumstance if there has been a reasonable, pronounced effort made to attempt to try the accused in presence. An example of a non-reasonable circumstance of someone being convicted might include confession under torture, or deprivation of basic human rights.

Jeremy Firston
Foreign Minister
Liverpool England

Mr. Firston,

Now that we have come to understand your nations laws it is my unfortunate duty to inform you of the following convicted felons:

All citizens of the nation of Ariddia, have been convicted of the crime of violating United Nations treaties.

All citizens of the nations of Commerce Heights have been convicted of murder related to their unlawful .

All citizens of the nation of Bettia have been convicted of illegal genie cohabitation.

All citizens of Milchama have been convicted of world pollution.

We request that any and all of these people be arrested and extradited to Az-cz, if they attempt to enter Liverpool England, as competitors or otherwise. Thanks for your time.

Noz-Tf
President of the Az-cz Football Association

Prime Minister's Office
15 Imperial Drive
CCL, Government Territory, Liverpool England

Mr. Noz-Tf,

Your incessant ridiculous letters to the Foreign Ministry will be tolerated no longer. You are but the president of a football association, and I and my Cabinet will no longer accept any letters from you. You hardly have the right to call for the extradition of any person in Liverpool England, and any further attempts by yourself to contact any member of my government will be met with derision.

I will also be writing your government to request that you stop sending my government further letters that waste our time. We have a country to run here, unlike you.

Michael Harley
Prime Minister of Liverpool England

The gang thought it might be pushing their luck to send a letter in the name of the Robber Captain. But they were Az-czzers through and through and thought that stealing from the Robber Captain himself, especially in the name of combating an inane policy from a nation hosting the world cup, was worthy both as a cause and a supreme level caper. They already had the proper ins at the post office to get the letter to Noz-Tf and were confident that they could get some letterhead from the Robber Captain's office, so they decided to go ahead with it. And it truly wasn't that difficult to get the letterhead, so they went ahead and sent a letter impersonating the robber captain himself. It read:

Mr. Harley,

I am Ug-Mt, Robber Captain of Az-cz, which makes me the highest ranked leader in the nation. Noz-Tf, who is an employee of the Az-cz goverment has contacted me with your letters and I've decided it best to contact you myself. I resent your blatant hypocrisy. Your government makes a claim that you will arrest and deport a person for crimes that are at worst misdemeanors, but you won't arrest people guilty of high crimes like murder. Where is the logic behind such an action? As a nation I definitely do believe we have the right to call for the extradition of criminals. And as for you being busy running a country, so are we. But unlike you we seem to approach running our country with a mind towards the affairs and thoughts of how other nations function. We inquired about your laws and once we ascertained how your nation functioned we proceeded to act in the manner your nation seems to endorse. However unlike you we respect the principles of other nations and won't take actions on the behalf on nations they won't take on behalf of themselves. And if you are so busy running your country I suggest you do that rather than wasting your time interfering in business that has no connection to you.

Robber Captain Ug-Mt

BREAKING: Az-cz team banned from entering country: Liverpool England declares Az-cz hostile

The Prime Minister, Michael Harley, today announced that all Az-cz citizens would be, with immediate effect, be banned from Liverpool England. This is automatic under the Constitution when the head-of-government or head-of-state declares a group as a 'hostile entity'.

In a press release, Harley cited "incessant, intolerable interference in the running of the government" from "high-ranking sources" within Az-cz as the reason for his decision to label Az-cz a hostile entity. This makes Az-cz the first country to be labelled a 'hostile entity' since the North Baren crisis in The Heartland. This is just one step short of declaring war.

Under the terms of the declaration,
•All Liverpool England citizens and nationals, including dual-nationals and Ad'ihan nationals, are to leave Az-cz and its territories within 48 hours;
•All Az-cz citizens and nationals, including dual nationals, are to leave Liverpool England and its territories within 48 hours or renounce Az-cz citizenship/nationality;
•No formal contact between Az-cz and Liverpool England will take place at any level;
•Travel by any citizens of either country to the other is banned.

Harley has expressed his regret. In the release, he notes, "I am disappointed to have had to resort to this measure. As there are no diplomatic ties between our countries I am unable to do the next-best thing, an ambassador protest or recall. I hope that this situation will not last long and the declaration will be terminated soon."

[OOC: As I have told Az on IRC, this is but symbolic on the part of Harley, as LE and Az-cz have no formal ties, and this would be equivalent to the withdrawal/expulsion of ambassadors. The ban will be dropped by finals MD1 so as not to jeopardise the draw.]

Ug-Mt was quite confused when he saw the breaking news that Az-cz had been declare a "hostile entity". At first he thought he had heard the news incorrectly. Az-cz wasn't hostile against anyone. The nation had straddled the fence in the Atlantian Oceania war preaching peace the whole time. To be declared a hostile nation was a slap in the face.

He contacted his highest ranking officials and no one knew anything of the sort. None of his ambassadors to the UN, Liverpool England or otherwise had made any sort of contact. Nor had the foreign ministry. None of the people who's regular jobs in the government involving international relations had done any such thing. So he figured that the best thing to do was a response.

He called an immediate press conference:

"I have no idea what the Prime Minister of Liverpool England is talking about. Neither I nor anyone in my government has been interfering with Liverpool England matters. I simply can't understand why their nation would make such a blanket statement condemning us. Our nation has positive relations with almost every other nation in the world. Even Archregimancy, who declared us Anathema after riots during world cup 35 has been maintaing neutral relations. We regret their decision, but unlike them we won't be making any hasty moves. While I encourage all Az-czzers in Liverpool England to come home for fear of retribution I promise all Liverpool Englanders in Az-cz they will be safe here if they decide to stay and will be offered citizenship and/or asylum if so desired. Our borders are still open to any Liverpool Englanders wishing to visit and we declare our intentions of friendliness towards Liverpool Englanders. We won't be punishing the people for the mistakes of their government. I hope to discover what has incensed Liverpool England so much but I have no regrets for any actions taken by me or my staff. We have done nothing warranting such an act."

The Enlightener: jellied eels, anyone?
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y231/bettia/FAB.png

Aroras Pick Off Their Bogies

Turori........0
Bettia........6 (Miranda 4 9 10 68, Yulianto 47, B.Busilanta 80)

Going into this match, Bettia's head-to-head record against Turori made for dismal reading - played 5, won 1, lost 4, scored 5, conceded 13. Add to that the Eels bringing the Arora's proud unbeaten home record to a juddering halt, and you'd be forgiven that they'd be entering this game feeling a certain amount of trepidation.

If they were feeling any nerves, they certainly weren't showing as the Aroras stunned their hosts with a ten-minute blitz that set the tone for the rest of the game. The main architect of this purple patch was experienced striker Evan Miranda. Although he already has three World Cup campaigns under his belt, he has found international chances hard to come by up until now thanks to the dominance of the Busilanta brothers. However, with the retirement of Peri Busilanta to pursue a coaching career with his hometown club Perumnasih, he has finally been rewarded with a first-team slot, and the Akani Sands striker has taken that chance with great aplomb. Indeed, out of the 34 goals that Bettia had scored up until then, Miranda had netted 16 of them.

His first came after just four minutes after a typically scorching run on the wing by his young club team-mate Stuart Bettwys saw him crete a bit of space for himself near the goal-line. He then laid off a delightful low cross in front of goal for Miranda to steal in and toe-poke home at full stretch. His second goal came five minutes later courtesy of a header from an inswinging corner.

Roared on by their usually massive travelling band of supporters all decked out in blue and white, Miranda grabbed his third almost immediately, claiming a hat-trick before the match clock had barely got into double-figures. Dewi Yulianto, whose pace has been a constant threat to defences throughout this qualifying campaign, stole the ball after a sloppy pass straight from the kickoff and ran his way past two midfielders before dinking a cheeky through ball to an onrushing Miranda. With just the keeper to beat, he chose the less subtle option of blasting the ball straight through his legs to send the away fans into delerium.

The first half settled down after that hectic opening, with a shell-shocked home team struggling to get into the game at times. The second half however saw a similar frenetic opening to the first, thanks to Dewi Yulianto's speculative long-range effort which dipped over the keeper and into the net by way of the crossbar's underside. Not one to be put off scoring, Evan Miranda then proceeded to notch up a fourth goal, smashing in the rebound after Andi Busilanta's goalbound effort could only be parried by the Eels goalkeeper. It was Andi's brother Budi who completed the rout, coming off the bench to head in a cross from a short corner routine.

This highly impressive win coupled with Geisenfried's defeat away to The Indonesian States means that the Aroras have once again secured automatic qualification to the World Cup, and need only one more win from their remaining two games to guarantee top spot.

Elsewhere in the world, Az-cz appear to be warming their qualifying campaign down to a canter, going down 2-3 to Sel Appa after having already won their group by a country mile. Jeruselem still have it all to do though, thanks to them being drawn into a real group of death with the top four teams seperated by just four points. Speaking of having it all to do, our dear Gog neighbours also having a tough time of it thanks to their loss to Vuam & Isma. This means that they need to win their remaining two game to be certain of at least a playoff spot, starting with a six-pointer at home to Bazalonia.




Fixtures / Results

MD..OPPONENT................VENUE...RESULT
Friendlies

FR: Az-cz...................Away.......L 0-2
FR: Elves Security Forces...Away.......W 1-0

Qualifying Group 6

01: Zyla....................HOME.......W 3-0
02: Geisenfried.............Away.......W 1-0
03: Patusan.................HOME.......W 3-0
04: The Indonesian States...Away.......W 4-0
05: Turori..................HOME.......L 2-4
06: Kura-Pelland............Away.......D 1-1
07: The Non-RPing n00B......HOME.......W 3-0
08: Zyla....................Away.......W 3-0
09: Geisenfried.............HOME.......W 5-1
10: Patusan.................Away.......W 2-1
11: The Indonesian States...HOME.......W 7-0
12: Turori..................Away.......W 6-0
13: Kura-Pelland............HOME.......
14: The Non-RPing n00B......Away.......

[OOC: Also, just to clarify in case anyone is wondering, Ad'ihan will not be getting any RP bonus for my series of IC posts as Liverpool England.]

Michael Harley was seething. He called a Cabinet meeting as soon as he got a new letter from Az-cz, claiming to be from the Robber Captain. "This is ridiculous. I've had enough of their interference in our governance. I have called this meeting today as we need to stop this."

Firston spoke up. "Kazuhiro Asunora, my First Secretary, and myself, have been responding to the Az-czzers. It's taking a lot of time to draft these replies. I would agree that this is interference in our sovereignty."

The new Interior Affairs Minister, Jérome Tusconne, started, "This seems like cl--" before he was stopped by Harley. "I don't need to hear it. I know. I'll take a Cabinet vote. We can't withdraw ambassadors - we don't have one. So it's time for hostile status."

All 14 members of the Cabinet were in favour. So Harley told his press secretary to issue a release to that effect. He sighed and went to his office, where he tried to think things out. He knew a few Az-czzers personally from his time in the NS Surfing Tour. Would any of them help? He decided to find out, and called Kl-Slt.

The Albrecht Herald
Head uses his loaf as Baker’s dozen rise to the occasion
By Tracker Edwards

And then, suddenly, there were goals, incidents, and a match to savour. After three homes games in which C&M managed to score once, an own goal after a dodgy handball, and conceded zip at the other end; Mark Baker’s men proved once again that it is away from the pressure cooker of the Millerman Sheppard Stadium that they perform best. After falling to their only defeat of this campaign in the reverse fixture, the Big Blues’ three points here owed as much to sheer grit, fortitude and a few extra months worth of experience as tactical nouse or individual technical brilliance; but in the greater scheme of things it matters for nought. Candelaria And Marquez, taking advantage of the predictable draw between Qazox and Jeruselem, have retaken their position atop the group. With the Yaforites also failing to shake off persistent Rastafariburg, and Baker privately expecting little from the daunting jaunt to Jeruselem, Yafor 2’s consecutive games at home to Qazox and away in Albrecht will decide the fate of this tightest of groups.

For a game featuring five goals, it would fall to holding midfielder Ben Head to become the match’s unlikely hero; a fact which allows us to use the headline we’ve been sitting on for ages. In the course of ninety-four minutes; the Green Island star would become a national villain, find redemption anew, and still have enough to left to close down the game and leave his side easing to a breathless victory.

It would start badly enough, with a lapse in communication that betrayed the breaking of C&M’s defensive equilibrium with the relegation of former captain Peter Waddington to bench duties. Few doubt that despite the side’s rear-guard strength, it was the right decision to call time on the thirty-four year-old’s international career. Doing so in the middle of a pleasing qualification campaign was a brave judgement call by the Coach, albeit one made easier by the option to reunite Albrecht FC pair Benji Fu and Sam Young in the heart of the defence. If those two however have thrived thus far since bringing their partnership to the national team; relations between the newcomer and C&M’s vital midfield anchor Head remain frostier. The two both spent much of their early careers at Port of Clotaire, before Young made the big time with the country’s principal club and a fading Head was forced to regroup at his hometown team in Zapata.

Here, a simple shout should have sufficed, but Head failed to make the call as he passed hurriedly back to Young under pressure from Matt Maroe. The centre-half was left hopelessly out of position and struggled to get the ball under control, loosing out to Paul Fawsters who had an undemanding finish. The Miamorian fluffed his initial chance, the ball rebounding off the upright, but he made right on his second go, evading a late challenge from Damien Sono to slot home.

With Miamoria still theoretically in contention for qualification, the home side were not about to give up their lead in a hurry. C&M are not at the best when forced to take the initiative, but found renewed leadership under young Head. Ignoring jeers from local supporters, he began to grab the game by the scruff of the neck, spraying balls about like there was no tomorrow. But if his innate talent was starting to put the fear of God in the opposing defence, it was pure quick thinking that saw him score his second goal for his country when he found the tightest of holes to thread a ball to Yasser Zaghloul. The big striker hit tamely at ‘keeper Andrew Markman, but Head was on hand to thump in the ricochet.

From that point forward, C&M always looked in a commanding position; Speed Wang and Head truly gelling for possibly the first time this campaign, and at the vital moment. Suddenly, Baker’s men showed some unexpected unpredictability; as Jos Cornelisse and O’Sullivan Caras, tied up by the talented Miamorian wing-backs, opted to take up more defensive positions and allow Head and Wang to bomb forward. Before the half hour was out it paid dividends; Head giving a perfectly weighted pass for Ignacio Vélez to run on to. Wang provided the decoy charge; drawing Dewey Roufus, Miamoria’s most accomplished defender, towards him and allowing Vélez to skate on through without a tackle before bending the ball just around Markman.

It should not come as a surprise to say that C&M sat back for much of the second half; but when you’ve got it, flaunt it. They allowed the home side to do all the work, and apart from a spirited, thirty-yard piledriver narrowly put over by Reuben Uwakwe; and a solid header by Adam Wallaby from the resulting corner; the away side never looked in danger. Miamoria looked eternally vulnerable on the counter, and Zaghloul should have opened the second half with a goal; his volley acrobatically saved by Markman. The goalkeeper continued to deny later efforts from Wang and Caras in similar style. Sensing a potential stale spell; Baker switched things around bringing on out-of-favour veteran Steven Fritz for what seemed like a last hurrah; and the kid many years his junior, José Felipe Cassumba Domingos, for Zaghloul and Caras.

It was an inspired choice, a Sono throw-in falling to Cassa who accelerated past Wallaby and passed simply to Fritz, who clattered the ball home off his knee. The shot gave the “little legend” his thirteenth international goal.

Miamoria are not placed well ahead of the group’s flotsam for nothing, and to their credit they declined to take the offer to call it a day; young sub Mara Smith taking the ball on her chest and firing a thunderbolt past Uwakwe. But with Head and Wang dominating proceedings in the centre is proved only a momentary distraction, C&M unlucky not to take a fourth late on when a Fritz effort bobbled just wide.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/miamoria.png Miamoria 2
Fawsters 16, M. Smith 81

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Candelaria And Marquez.png Candelaria And Marquez 3
Head 20, Vélez 29, Fritz 70

_____________

What the other papers say…

There is a general mood of optimism across the Candelariasian press following the team’s 3-2 victory in Miamoria, though most seem convinced that qualification is highly unlikely to be assured in Jeruselem. Instead, the Mercury and El Periodico del Arrigo are among those employing a variety of rent-a-gob statisticians in order to work out what would be the best outcome for C&M of the key Yafor 2 v Qazox tie, due to be shown live on terrestrial network TV1 prior to the Jeruselem clash. Both papers agree that a Qazoxian away win would be safest, and practically guarantee a play-off place; but that a win for the Yaforites could help C&M avoid an unwanted match-up with Dance 2 Revolution or the Archregimancy… or send the Big Blues back down to fourth and crashing out on the final day.

Still, the Herald and National Reporter delve into the history books in an attempt to discover just how many teams have previously qualified for the finals at their second time of asking; though a Daily News article argues that C&M’s long-term development would be better suited by attending another Cup of Harmony instead.

At times bouncing with unrestrained delight at the teams’ performance, the Herald and Daily Worker both can’t stop themselves from devoted several pages each to the sides already qualified for the Cup, bringing to attention the civil life and cultures of societies such as Milchama and Schiavonia that the islands’ populous are only dimly aware of. Full studies of Az-cz and the Elves Security Forces are conspicuous by their absence.

One other non-qualifying country moves from the World News section to the sports pages in the Khatib Candelariasian’s Life of Pi column by young C&M-born striker Holger Pi who now plies his trade in the Kura-Pellandi capital of Trilan. Pi recounts his horror of being caught up in the recent terror atrocities, when he picked up his visiting mother and sister from the city’s international airport a little more than half an hour before the second, deadly bomb went off the train he’d taken to get there. By sheer chance, he opted to hail a taxi to take his family back to his apartment. Pi refrains from mentioning the developing political situation in the country in depth, but suggests quietly that his Trilan-born girlfriend was disappointed with the outcome of the recent national elections.

From the Rushmore Sports Daily’s Brian Kennedy Column

Kl-Slt was more than a bit suprised to here from Michael Harley. Although they had been competitors and slight friends on the surf tour they had been in contact much since then. When he heard that Az-cz had been declared hostile status he was quite shocked. He counseled Harley that Az-czzers were really good people at heart and that interfering is just what we do. He told him that Az-czzers had strong opinions and once they made a decision rarely backed down, but even when they do something stupid it's done with what they believe are the best interests of society at mind. He encouraged Harley to calm down and that taken the actions he took would just enflame Az-czzers even more and that alot of the restrictions would punish regular citizens, but would mean nothing to the government. And while he understood why Harley would be upset he thought it better to express that displeasure and be done with it. He suggested that rather than making moves like he was that it might be better to bring in a third party mediator to work through the differences, but that if he wanted Az-czzers not to interfere in his government, he'd either have to run his government like Az-czzers would or learn to deal with it, cause he wasn't gonna change a society through diplomatic actions. And any military actions would lead to rioting, theft and murder on levels that Liverpool England couldn't begin to deal with. He really hoped that calmer heads from both sides would prevail and the two nations could return to the moderately friendly status created through the surf tour and their games in World Cup 32.

Some time after full time, and the Northern Bettian dressing room was not a happy place to be. Incensed by their dismal display against Vuam & Isma, Iwan Obani had spent the last few hours lambasting his players, costing the lives of numerous teacups.

"I mean, what the hell did you ponces think you were playing at?! I told you to go out and win, and you went and lost! I told you to go out and get some of their players sent off, and four of you got your marching ordes! FOUR! I don't fuckin' believe it!!"

Dan Shinobu, the Fire Ants' top scorer attempted to placate the gaffer.

"But boss, it wasn't our fault. really. We tried everything - diving, feigning injury, using ventriloquism to hurl obscenities at the ref... we even tried slipping him a few million Groats. And what did we get? Nothing?"

Obani huffed grumpily.

"That bloody ref. Honestly, I don't know what the world is coming to. I mean, what possesses a man to put sportmanship and fair play above a few million smackers?"

Just then, the ever-annoying Crazy Fire Ant ringtone rang out form his mobile phone. He answered it and listened intently, hi face gradually breaking into a smile.

"Nice work mate, glad you enjoyed it."

He chuckled as he put the phone back in his pocket, leaving the players mystified as to why he had suddenly become to cheerful.

"So? Who was that?" Dan asked.

"That was one of the FANB directors. You see, we always have a contingency plan for whenever a referee fails to play ball... and this contingency plan has worked very well indeed! (http://www.grapheine.com/bombaytv/play_uk.php?id=1864561)"


Fixtures / Results

MD..OPPONENT...............VENUE...RESULT

Qualifying Group 7

01: Minilla Island.........HOME....W 6-1
02: Zwangzug...............HOME....L 1-3
03: Central Prestonia......Away....W 3-0
04: Aurendia...............Away....W 3-2
05: Vuam & Isma............HOME....W 5-3
06: Bazalonia..............Away....L 2-4
07: Kristovenia............HOME....W 3-2
08: Minilla Island.........Away....L 3-4
09: Zwangzug...............Away....L 0-2
10: Central Prestonia......HOME....W 3-0
11: Aurendia...............HOME....W 3-0
12: Vuam & Isma............Away....L 1-3
13: Bazalonia..............HOME....
14: Kristovenia............Away....

St Samuel (3) 5
Mazzeranni 8, 12, Sensini 50, Bezzi-Louaza 71, St John 79
Uiri (3) 3
21, 34, 39


St Samuel Sports News
St Samuel battle back to beat Uiri

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/attachment.php?attachmentid=60001&stc=1&d=1190831714

St Samuel took on Uiri away looking to get revenge for a 4-2 defeat earlier in the World Cup campaign. For the loser it would meanlosing touch of Rejistania in 3rd place and a playoff position. Manager Louis Della Penzzi went into the match confident of a win, but knew that the victory was not in the bag playing against a tough side that have more than proven themselves in qualification.

St Samuel took an ealy lead on the 8th minute after Enzo Mazzeranni intercepted a pass between Jak Limason and Ben Monil, running on and powering the ball past Gari Kilod. Minutes later Mazzeranni got himself on the score sheet for a second time when Leo Sensini smashed the ball from outside the box, which was saved in style by Kilod and parried away, but only as far as Mazzeranni who latched onto the lose ball and struck home to make it 2-0.

By the 20th minute Dexter St John nearly made it 3-0 when he took the ball past Ben Monil and shot a power house of a shot which was stopped fantastically by Kilod. Kilod blasted the ball straight away, which caught St Samuel on the counter attack. The Uiri striker latched onto the long goal kick and as Corinthian charged down towards him, he lobbed the St Samuel keeper making it 2-1.

St Samuel were stunned in the 34th minute when Uiri equalized against the run of play with a 30 yard stormer of an effort which caught Corinthian off his guard. Just five minutes later St Samuel found themselves trailing 3-2 when Uiri scored from a free kick just outisde the St Samuel box.

The Latin Crusaders came out in the second with a purpose and changed to a 4-3-3 formation with young Leo Sensini pushing forward from midfield. The change seemed to do the trick and Sensini began to cause real problems for the Uiri defence and only 5 minutes into the second half Sensini rounded 2 Uiri midfielders and slotted home a great long range effort.

Uiri continued to battle and caused St Samuel there fair share of problems but some water tight defending kept the two teams level.

Maxi Bezzi-Louaza scored only his second goal of the qualifiers in the 71st minute when he struck a low and hard free kick past Kilod to put the Latin Crusaders back in front. St Samuel finished off Uiri in the 79th minute after a stunning goal mouth scramble saw Kilod block three shots all in quick succession, only for Dexter St John to smash home from close range to win the game 5-3.

=====

Group News

The victory for the Latin Crusaders puts them on 20 points, but still two points behind Rejistania who beat Ambrose-Douglas 2-1. The Holy Empire lost 4-1 to World Champs Ariddia, whilst Sorthern Northland battered Konora 6-1.

St Samuel now face Ariddia and a defeat for the Latin Crusaders and a win for Rejistania will end hope of qualification.

=====

St Samuel Goal Scorers

Mazzeranni 10
St John 6
Sensini 4
Bezzi-Louazza 2
Le Ricco 1
Abellardo 1
De Villion 1
Rock 1

news Uiri.jpg

The phitin knights lost yet again to set there record badk to 5-1-6. The Purple knights lost 1-0 to the lovisans. Now two points out of third the knights need a miracle to beat schiavonia after hopefully a great win over solenial.

Wow!

Despite being knocked out of the next round, the VDB hands Estresso Intenso a draw

YESTERDAY-The Vanek'ians tied their last game 2-2 yesterday versus the third-place Estresso Intenso. Nobody in the VDB expected the game to be tied, but the VDB team proved everyone wrong again. And with Kansiov winning their match versus Vephrall 3-2, Kansiov is 4th in the group, two points behind 3rd Estresso Intenso.

The ETs played intense the first half, driving everywhere and scoring two goals. But, two late goals in the second half by Thomas Vanek tied the game. That was the final score. Promising Vanek has 10 goals, all of the goals for the Vanek'ians.

An interesting moment was when Intensoian Dr. Sabin, after Vanek'is goal at the 78th minute, couldn't stop protesting the call! She couldn't control her mouth! It was eery. She earned herself a red card and still couldn't stop! But, then David Ancoperek, fullback, joined into the fray! Plus, David Clooney played the last 12 minutes of the game, showing some potential, being put in right then! The 78th minute was interesting all right!

Box Score:

Goals:
Matosto (9)
Sabin (35)
Vanek (67)
Vanek (78)

Cards:

Sabin-78 (red)
Ancoperek-78 (red)

Injuries:

None

Substitutions:

Thib-Clooney (78)

The score stood at 2-2 as the final minutes passed. Timothy was exhausted in midfield, but tried to keep focus. It had been a tumultuous game-in terms of the lead, that is.

Simon Ryne had broken the game open with an arcing shot in the fifteenth minute, but Ricky Yunn tied it up in the eighteenth off a pass from Quentin Assington. The game had seen fluid, end-to-end play: when Everett Kang gave Bazalonia the lead in the fifty-first minute, Zwangzug equalized within five as Peter maneuvered past Georsophalous.

On paper, it was supposed to be the toughest match of the qualifiers for Zwangzug, and that was seemingly the case. Truthfully, a tie would have upset Timothy less than anyone else on the team: while the perfect record was as amusing to him as it was to them, it felt disturbing in a way he couldn't articulate. There were other teams out there, better teams, and it was improbable for his to be doing so well. He didn't want to be suspected of doing anything wrong: he barely enjoyed the attention of being on the team.

Hampstead ran into place and received a pass from Assington, dodged Timothy and Mal, shot and scored.

That was one way to avoid suspicion.

Another loss in Gogari National Stadium?!

Fans all across the country are mad at the coach who insisted on this being an easy match and that the National Stadium would be fine. The fans could only look on in horror as the Uir players tried to keep up with the Samuelian players matching the two goals scored early in the first half plus another which St Samuek quickly matched.

Ederat kicked up Kilod's long goal kick and then headed it into the net. The fans went crazy. About ten minutes later, Okudil scored again and again. The Samuelians switched to a 4-3-3 formation which, combined with the not so good subs created a considerably stalemate second half until the 71st minute when the Samuelians scored again and then again in the 79th minute.

This defeat has diminished all Uir hope of making it past the qualifiers. Even if Rejistania and St Samuel were to loose their next two games and Uiri was to win their next two games, it would simply not be enough to come better than fourth. This also brings up an excellent point though, will Uiri manage to keep up with the World Champions? We'll just have to wait and see.

"Mais dis-moi, Chloé, j'ai un peu de mal à comprendre..."

Our viewer is introduced to the setting of a smallish living room in a residential flat, located in the southern suburbs of Cité-Belle (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Cit%C3%A9-Belle), Ariddia. A couple in their fifties sit near the phone. The man, Michel, is doing the talking. A voice comes through, young and female, too muffled for us to make out. The fact that there are no subtitles may not be helping you either.

The man listens, nodding slowly, an expression of mixed confusion and worry on his face. His wife, Aline, also looks concerned. After a while, Michel says:

"Bon, je comprends rien du tout. Je te passes ta mère; tu lui expliqueras. Mais d'après ce que tu m'dis, ça me paraît pas une bonne idée." He hands the phone to Aline, who takes it anxiously. At this point, subtitles helpfully kick in.

"Chloé, my precious? What's this about morphing with alien animals, then?"

Chloé's voice comes through again. Something about Ulzaxids not being 'alien animals', but simply one of the many weird and wonderful species who inhabit the multiverse (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Fractal_reality). Much energetic explaining, while Aline listens to every word, still looking concerned. When her daughter finally pauses for breath, she is able to insist:

"But is it safe?"

"Ben oui, c'est ça la question, quand même," mutters Michel. "Après, bon, elle fait ce qu'elle veut. Mais cette histoire de fusion mentale..."

Aline hushes him. Chloé says something.

"Chloé, ma chérie, you're not being very clear. Are you sure you understand what you're getting yourself into?"

A pause, then a reply.

"Yes, I'm sure your Ulzaxid friends are all very nice people. But have they told you exactly what this would do to you? Do they even know, for sure?"

More from Chloé.

"Yes, all right. But I'm your mother, you know I worry. How sure are you that..."

As the conversation drags on, Michel goes to prepare tea. When he comes back, Aline seems a little calmer.

"Well... If you're sure you know what you're doing, and you really want to do this... I suppose that sounds reasonable," she says.

"What does?" Michel asks, wary.

"Chloé," Aline says into the phone, "could you explain all that again to your father?"

PERNAS was a relatively new organization, but, nonetheless, the protection of Idurv Odakale, a very important hostage, was handed over to them. This was the first real assignment for the group that was meant to be the successor of SRACH, and the first real Yaforite special teams forces that weren't merely a social experiment. Of course, PERNAS was mostly made up of ex-SRACH agents, but, at least they had a choice in deciding whether to join PERNAS or not. It was not much of a choice, naturally, given that all they knew was killing, but it was important, in the government's eyes, that they had a choice. The Yaforite government tended to be very strange, after all.

Idurv Odakale was a mess. His handsome face, the very face that had once lit up both the soccer/football field, as well as the covers of many sports magazines, was forlorn. His hair, once his pride - and thus always well-groomed, was long and unruly, swirling in an ungainly mop around his face. Prison had not treated Idurv Odakale very well. He had been in solitary confinement, in the type of prison that most in the government and media considered "soft", but he, so used to the easy life of a sporting star, had come out of prison far worse from the experience.

Nonetheless, from his reddened eyes, it was clear that he had not yet broken. Whatever ties still bound him to the shadowy group called "the Yaforite mafia" still remained. Idurv Odakale, for whatever he had experienced, was not willing to give any ground regarding whatever he knew about their operations or dealings, especially relating to the sport that he played. That glint in the eyes of Idurv Odakale meant something else entirely. It meant that Idurv was playing a game that he knew that they did not know about. Idurv knew that he had the most powerful item in the world - information - in his hands and he was not willing to give up that advantage.

PERNAS agents surrounded the handcuffed football/soccer player. As they lead him out of the Town Hall, in the center of Uharan, a vast crowd seemingly engulfed them. Long barricades had been set up in all directions, and chanting crowds, the persistent flashes of private and television cameras, and other such things were everywhere. Yaforite policemen stood at the walls of the barricades, looking angrily at the swarm of people stretching out in front of their eyes. The people chanted different slogans - some anti-government, some anti-Odakale, some unrelated. This, after all, was Yafor 2, a country where free expression was prized over almost any other related right.

As Odakale exited the doors of the building, the sound intensified. Newscasters coming live shouted at their screens and camera-men, intent on making themselves heard over the clamor. Many of them, it seemed, were having trouble with that task. People spilled out in each direction, holding a variety of slogans upright. "Free Odakale" a few said, disbelieving the stories of his guilt. "Bring him back on the team" said others. These were the minority. Most of the signs wrote a simple thing; "Keep the liar in jail." Yaforites treated their sports with a sanctity not even reserved for their politics - and all Yaforites lived and breathed politics. In many of their eyes, Idurv Odakale had spoiled that sanctity.

As he walked out, Idurv paused, the burly policemen around him unable to force him forward. His changes in prison were obvious - his hair, his eyes, his body, his face. From underneath his hair, a smile found its way onto his face. It was neither a cruel smile, nor a sad one, yet it almost conveyed a million emotions. Idurv Odakale may have just emerged from the hardest time of his life - prison, but he still retained his most defining characteristic - his ability to perform in front of the camera. He knew, just as well as anyone else, that this was the picture which would be on the cover of the sports pages the next day.

Immediately he was moved forward towards the convoy of nondescript silver vehicles which awaited him, each step like the heavy footfall of a condemned man. He knew that it was only to a preliminary hearing that he went to, but, nonetheless, Idurv Odakale knew that his first performance would be as important as his others. Grim-faced PERNAS agents flanked him, their hands on their guns. People shouted, as if at a political rally (an especially apt metaphor, given the Yaforite penchant for messy politics). Everything to do with the scene was perfect. Perfect.

For a killing. As he lowered himself into the first car, a bullet from above pinged against the car door. Yelling surrounded him, as he was shunted into the car. Why the sniper had missed was not known. Perhaps it was the sound. Perhaps it was something else. But Idurv Odakale was alive. And someone had tried to kill him.

<Advertisement Jeruselem games channel with Kate Dallas dressed as Dazzi, a scantily dressed Ninja Girl>

Hey gamers! Bored of the usual computer games? Pretty soon LatinSoft will be releasing a new game called Dazzi's Holiday. It's a first person shooter, where you can play the role of Dazzi the Ninja Girl. Poor Dazzi needed a rest from killing horrible monsters so she went to a place called West Moraine. It was supposed to be a nice place where the shopping was good and one could have good time without the hassle. As you Dazzi fans know, she never gets a real holiday.

West Moriane gets invaded by monsters from under an ancient volcano in the country. Some crazy meglomaniac has been creating horrible human-animal hybrid creatures in secret to create an army of invincible creatures to take over the country. Of course, West Moriane gets overrun and this ruins Dazzi's holiday.

Naturally Dazzi has to hack her way past the hordes and destroy the menace taking over West Moraine. Don't think Dazzi has to run around with a sword and a bikini! No, she's a smart girl, well like me! Dazzi gets her hands on some hi tech weapons too! Like a light saber, and a double barrelled rocket launcher. Yes, you can fire both tubes at the same time.

The Dazzi character is modelled on me! Those bumps and curves you see on Dazzi, that's me. As you'd expect the CGI is modelled on the real world, with real physics effects and we've made sure everythinhg looks real. West Moriane maybe fictional but we made sure it looks real the gamer. And it's a fully interactive environment too, with everything being destrucible. There's plenty of interesting West Morianians to meet but you'll have kill some of them - they aren't nice people or monsters. There's plenty of other things to do like paragliding, driving a tank, tearing up roads in a motorcycle and lots of vehicles to use. So gamers! Get Dazzi's Holiday!

Ninja girl which looks like me, a new world to explore, sharp swords, big destructive weapons and lots of smart opponents to kill. I know you want this game. And one last thing, adult themes too. There's lots of naughty things Dazzi can do in this game too, you know what I mean. This one is not the little kids.

I'm Kate Dallas, buy Dazzi's Holiday! This game is not for people with slow computers so be warned if you fry your CPU. Sorry, no Macintosh version because those Apple people don't like naughty games on your nice clean Macs.

"And Welcome to 'Today on Tonight', coming up in the next hour of Bazalonia's number one Current Affiars shows. The Neighbours from Hell, and the landlord won't do anything about it and we take a look at Carnival rides, are they really safe?

But first, we'll go onto our main story, with tension increasing between Az-cz and Liverpool England many Bazalonians find themselves in the middle of this conflict none more so than Tf-Zed and Harold Jackson. Benjamin Fordham with this report."

"Thank you Liza, With the recent declaration of Az-cz as a Hostile Entity by The Prime Minister of Liverpool England, Michael Harley, has caused great stress for the gnomes from Az-cz and people in Liverpool England this war of words has affected everyday Bazalonians. I have in my hands a copy of the official declaration by Mr. Harley."

Ben Started to read it out meanwhile words like Dual-National, Ad'ihan, leave, Az-cz 48 hours, No ... Contact flowed across a computer background with the video of Ben reading the words in the bottom left corner of the screen.

•All Liverpool England citizens and nationals, including dual-nationals and Ad'ihan nationals, are to leave Az-cz and its territories within 48 hours;
•All Az-cz citizens and nationals, including dual nationals, are to leave Liverpool England and its territories within 48 hours or renounce Az-cz citizenship/nationality;
•No formal contact between Az-cz and Liverpool England will take place at any level;
•Travel by any citizens of either country to the other is banned.

"Here I am in downtown Gainesford, where I'm expecting to meet 2 people who according to this should never have contact. Tf-Zed and Harold Jackson. Tf-Zed emigrated to Bazalonia around 10 years ago and has received Bazalonian citizenship while maintaining his current Az-cz citizenship and Harold Jackson has been a Bazalonian Citizen for 15 years after emigrating from Liverpool England.

And here they are."

As the gnome and the man walk down the street together it seems on the screen that a photo is taken and then ripped apart by unseen hands.

"The two of them had been friends for 8 years but now what can they do? This is Benjamin Fordham signing off."

"What a great report from Benjamin there, now if only governments would let us get on with our lives as the people in our next story just want to do."

O JUTENSE NEWSPAPER – ASSOCIATED WITH GLOBO MULTIMEDIA

WORLD CUP 37 QUALIFIERS COVERAGE
Match Report written by O Jutense editor, Milene Escobar
With phrases and images from Globo Multimedia’s coverage, commented by Breno Gavião
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

WITHOUT VALXEN, CAFUNDÉU GETS THE REVENGE AGAINST MILCHAMA

http://img181.imageshack.us/img181/7265/reimaldofx2.jpg
Players commemorate Cafundéu’s goal

For the first time ever, Cafundéu was going to play against Milchama at home. The supporters wanted revenge, as Milchama won the last two games against the Monopolists. This time, the fact that the referee of the game would be an experienced Ariddian was good news to all the Cafundelenses, as nobody wanted to see another referee with Garth Valxen’s style to whistle such an important game. This was Cafundéu’s chance, and the players wore for the first time the black kit of the National Team (its third), showing that the game was special.

The players, motivated by the supporters, were hungry for goals, wanting to get the three points. But everybody knew that the game was going to be extremely difficult, and that it was more possible to lose than to win the game. But, after a goal scored in the second play of the game, the whole country waited for a win. The team suffered, had to see Rintell’s goal, but, in the end, could commemorate. The victory was conquered.

THE GAME

The Monopolists started the game showing all their power. Milchama started the game, and Kelton tried to score from a long ranged shot, but sent the ball over the bar. Lauro started the amazing reply. He took the goal kick, sending the ball directly to Neto. The midfielder avoided Marchakov and passed the ball to Heitor, who invaded the area and shot the ball. It hit Dalton’s head before entering in the goal. Dalton took two minutes to wake up. Read Breno Gavião:

“Laurrrrro takes the goal kick. The ball flies to the attack, Neto takes it easily. Goes to a open space in the field, looks at the arrrrrrea... incrrrrredible pass to Heitor, who is alrrrrready inside the arrrrrea. He shoots... the ball hits the goalkeeper’s face like a cannon... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Come to me, rrrrreplay! Heitor, number eleven! Cafundéu one, Milchama zerrrrro! Come to the Casa do Samba, music durrrrring all night!”

The goal was excellent for Cafundéu, as one of the main worries of the team was to have difficulties to score against the opponent. But as the goal was scored so soon in the game, the team couldn’t defend, and continued with the same strategy. Some good chances appeared, as when Neto took a free kick and it hit the post. Flecha got the rebound and shot, but sent the ball wide. But Milchama replied well. Belmowitz shoot from outside the area, and Lauro had to make an excellent save. Later, Rolt tried to get the ball that was leaving the field and fell in the bench, breaking his left hand, and had to be substituted.

The game was very equal, and Milchama had problems with the supporters, who booed the visitor team’s players when they got the ball. Marchakov threw the ball on a supporter, and received a yellow card. But the supporters couldn’t stop the goal. Forent exchanged passes with Belmowitz, who shot with strength. Lauro saved, but Rintell got the rebound, dribbled the keeper and hit the ball with his ankle to score the goal.

http://img181.imageshack.us/img181/2738/semttulosa5.jpg
The Counselor-Minister of Sports, Erasmo Carlos Jowenguard, in the meeting room of the Obelisco Monumental

Both teams weren’t satisfied with the draw, and returned to the second half with an offensive attitude. Esrimdo seemed dangerous in his first play in the game, when he dribbled Eduardo Monte, but made an awful shot. The ball stop before reaching Lauro. Some minutes after the start of the second half, Flecha asked to leave the game because of a headache, and was substituted by Tramontina. The game was still with many goal chances, but slower than in the first half.

After the twentieth minute, Cafundéu improved and controlled the ball possession. Milchama was still a team with good players, but they continued having problems in holding the pressure of the supporters, and started to suffer from consecutive attacks. But Dalton, using a big curative in his had, was responsible for many good saves of the game, creating a dispute against Lauro, who was in a good day too, making excellent saves.

The game was reaching its end, and Braddock did everything that he could. Cafundéu was better in the game, but Milchama used the experience of the team to hold the result. But Heitor found a way to break their defence. A long ranged shot, with speed and strength, which beat the goalkeeper, unable to move or see the ball before it entered in the goal. After that, Hill even tried to use Floren to score, but he could do nothing. Read Breno Gavião:

“Come on, team, I know that you can scorrrrre! Now the ball is with Dárrrrrio. A pass to Heitor, many playerrrrrs of Milchama’s team inside the arrrrrrea. He rrrrrruns, shoots dirrrrrectly to the goal... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Necessarrrrry rrrrreplay! Heitor, number eleven! Cafundéu two, Milchama one! The goal of the victorrrrry, prrrrrrobably! Want to punch someone? Want to rrrrrelax? Want to do a healthy sporrrrrt? Come to Maguillah’s Boxing Academy!”

AFTER THE GAME

Important people were watching the game. When it ended, the Counselor-Ministers of Sports (Mr. Jowenguard), Foreign Issues (Ray McKeen) and Defence (Gen. Winnear) entered in the field to congratulate the coach and players. And, finally, the Emperor appeared with wife and children, celebrating the victory. The coach Franz Braddock talked to some reporters, saying: “The Emperor and the Princess came to congratulate me, so I now understand the importance of this win. Not only for the World Cup campaign, but for the pride of the country. We respect Milchama, but we needed to defeat them.”

The players were partying too. The hero of the game, the attacker Heitor, said to the media: “What a good feeling. A victory against a giant team like Milchama gives us a lot of motivation. Look at the happiness of the supporters! It’s good to see them acting this way.” The midfielder Carioca said: “I played only nine minutes, but I feel like if I was important for the team in this game... even if I wasn’t at all. The supporters were singing something that I don’t know...”

http://img256.imageshack.us/img256/6602/ca586edd5e3951da94d3b86kc1.jpg
Cafundéu prepares to take a free kick

CAFUNDÉU 2x1 MILCHAMA

Place: Obelisco Monumental, in Lasft.
Attendance: 200,000 people.
Referee: John Namthavisay (Ariddia).
MOTM: Heitor (Cafundéu).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Lauro, Léo Mattos, Toninho, Eduardo Monte and Souza; Anormal, Rato (Dário 70’) and Neto; Tales (Carioca 84’), Heitor and Flecha (Tramontina 56’).
Coach: Franz Braddock.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/milchama.png MILCHAMA: Dalton, Emter, Mitchell and Rolt (Wilkirk 20’); Marchakov, Rintell and Kelton; Flossmore (Esrimdo 45’), Flar (Floren 88’), Belmowitz and Forent.
Coach: Damian Hill.

Goals:CAF: Heitor 1’/81’.
MIL: Rintell 39’.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cafundéu – formation for game against CH JSY: Lauro, Léo Mattos, Toninho, Eduardo Monte and Souza; Anormal, Dário and Neto; Tales, Heitor and Rato.
Coach: Franz Braddock.
Style of +3

Match’s Referee: Wesley Armankaderbishot (Qazox).

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Goalscorers after 12 games:

10- Heitor
6- Flecha
4- Anormal and Neto
2- Tales, Rato
1- Léo Mattos, Dário, Vergara and Souza

Doctor Rogério Landau's room. The vice-president of the Landau Institute, Professor Frederico Ramalho, called Fredão by his friends.

PROF. FREDÃO - "Have you seen the news, Rogério?"

DR. LANDAU - "About the World Cup qualifiers? Yes, I had. Nothing good, an unexpected draw and now we can stay out of the World Cup."

PROF. FREDÃO - "Well, we're still in the third position..."

DR. LANDAU - "But the other teams are closer now... we are in danger."

PROF. FREDÃO - "Yes, and without Letícia for the next game..."

DR. LANDAU - "Let's stop talking about these sad things... I want to know about The Machine's case... we need to find his father. Any news?"

PROF. FREDÃO - "Nothing concrete, Rogério. We received some e-mails of programmers claiming that they are The Machine's father, but they didn't prove nothing."

DR. LANDAU - "Let me see the list... interesting, maybe one of them really is his father or mother but, as they can't prove..."

PROF. FREDÃO - "So what will we do?"

DR. LANDAU - "I had an idea. We bought The Machine from the Crazy Wanderer, didn't we?"

PROF. FREDÃO - "Yes, he said that he was representing a group of "investors", that was a strange talk."

DR. LANDAU - "We need to talk with the Crazy Wanderer again."

PROF. FREDÃO - "Last time that we called him to come to the Institute, he ate your Chinese vase!"

DR. LANDAU - "Don't remind me, please. The fact is that he is our last hope, I think."

PROF. FREDÃO - "Okay, I'll call him."

DR. LANDAU - "We need to know the identity of these investors, and who was the programmer that created the project of The Machine, and who helped him or her."

PROF. FREDÃO - "Yes, you're right."

Kiryu-shi Battles and Conquers

By Rebecca Doig

Vikingholm Kiryu-shi accomplished one of their most courageous performances ever in Vikingholm, with a three-two victory that propelled them into good position for the final two matches of qualification. Vikingholm, a team of ancient Norse Heroes, intimidates and physically brutalizes opposing teams. The last time Kiryu-shi played Vikingholm, they were intimidated and timid, up until Bob Moya suffered his devastating injury. They were able to produce two goals and salvage the game in the final minutes, but mentally, it felt like a loss. They went on to get crushed by Squornshelous. This time however, the score was closer, but they come out of the game victorious, the conquerors of these storied heroes. They stood their ground, and them some. Sure, Kiryu-shi made some mistakes, they gave up two goals and even more chances, but they battled Vikingholm, and didn’t back down from any challenges. They contested every loose ball, they rose for every header. It may not have been pretty in the classic football sense, but it was beautiful for Kiryu-shi.

____The match started with the rousing national anthem from Vikingholm. The Vikingholm team, entered the pitch with their intimidating armor uniforms, and the momentum seemed to favor the Norse right from the onset. There were virtually no Kiryu-shi fans in attendance, and Kiryu-shi seemed like they would be intimidated once again. However, as soon as the opening whistle blew, the story changed. Kiryu-shi took the momentum out of Vikingholm’s sails with steady ball control and accurate, strong passing early. They looked like they were passing circles around Vikingholm’s players. They were technically very sound, but did not start showing aggression and fight until the 23rd minute. It was the captain of the team, Pat Mayberry, who finally pushed Kiryu-shi over the edge. After receive a pass on the right sideline, he made a move past a Vikingholm midfielder and sprinted down the right sideline with no one on him. Instead of passing the ball into the penalty area, he attacked a defender and blew past him. Mayberry bluffed a pass, stopping yet another defender in his tracks, and then blew the ball past Sigurd the Mighty for the first goal of the match. Vikingholm retaliated with a goal of it’s own in the 33rd minute, after a lapse in concentration by Isaac Levi left Matty Truth-Hoffman alone with two attackers. Kiryu-shi, however kept on attacking, and Levi contributed to Kiryu-shi’s second goal, this time in the 42nd minute. A bad clear by Sidney Hendrickson left the ball loose on the right side of the field, with virtually no one near it. The closest player was Ragnar Lodbrok, a Vikingholm midfielder. Levi was the only Kiryu-shi player in the general area. He charged the ball as fast as he could, and with his blinding speed, got to the ball a step before Lodbrok. Levi went flying as he ran through Lodbrok’s out stretched leg, and a foul was called for Kiryu-shi. Pruet took the kick, and blasted a ball deep into Vikingholm territory. Gregory Iverson was able to muscle himself into position just outside the penalty area, and flicked a magnificent header to the feet of a wide open Hellen Gandy, who shot the ball neatly into the net to put Kiryu-shi up by a goal for the second time.

____However, Vikingholm caught up once again in the second half. This time, aggressive play by Doug LeBlanc backfired, as he fouled a Vikingholm player hard outside the penalty area to draw a yellow card. Vikingholm converted the chance on a beautifully placed kick past Jon Crow, and the score was level again in the 63rd minute. Play became frantic and frenzied as both teams kept battling for another chance to score. Emily Boyle replaced Garret McGee in the 71st minute, and she was the spark Kiryu-shi needed. This has been her role the entire qualification, to spark Kiryu-shi’s offense late in the game. She received a through pass from Hellen Gandy in the 83rd minute and outraced several Vikingholm defenders on a breakaway. She was knocked over by Sigurd the Mighty and her frail looking body was tossed into the air, but the ball rolled through for a goal. Kiryu-shi tightened up on defense, and the match ended three-two, a most impressive match for Kiryu-shi.

____They are currently in a tie with their next opponent, Squornshelous, for the second most points in their group. If they win their next two games, they are in the World Cup for the first time ever. It is certainly possible, with the way that they are playing right now. But Squornshelous will be a big test for them, and it is likely that Kiryu-shi will stay in third place and win the chance to play in the playoff match. We shall see which Kiryu-shi team comes out to play against Squornshelous.

Bazalonian TV report slammed
The Liverpool England government has slammed a report on Bazalonian television that it claims is trying to wreak a further divide in Az-cz–Liverpool England relations. In a statement released by the Foreign Minister's First Secretary Kazuhiro Asunora, the government noted its disappointment at the report.

"While the measures include no formal contact, private contact between citizens of both countries has never been considered to be under this order. We are highly disappointed at this report that paints a blatantly false picture to the Bazalonian people of what is currently going on.

"We would encourage the Bazalonian government to stay out of this. Prime Minister Michael Harley has contacted, as a private citizen, Az-czzid contacts of his own, which clearly show the utter falsehoods behind this report, which seeks to drive the nail further into the coffin of Liverpool England–Az-cz relations."

(RP cutoff.)

"Well, thanks for the help all of you. That win we needed, after the last couple of weeks. I'm apologize that none of you are going on to the next game or to the World Cup itself, but I have no control over that problem." Rex Hill said the fill-ins of Qazox.

Natali: "Isa nothing Coach, We's glad to helpa out our country. I just wish thata we could play the next game, as to give the regulars a bit morea rest, yes?"

Hill pondered that for a moment, and ran into the coaches' office and came back after a somewhat heated phone call. "You all are playing the final game against Billopesha."

GOALS:
Qazox:
Darryl Natali (1): 52'
Roxie Chatterton (1): 83'


NSWiki for Qualifers: http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Qazox_at_World_Cup_37_Qualifing

Joeseph Rescotte: Alright Mr. boss... So you mean we should send 1093 cars to Sel Appa? Why that?

The Bos: Because they're more annoying than a bunch of Rejistani girls.

Rescotte: All right. So... 1093 cars to Sel Appa. How are the Marshalliston Lions doing right now in the OFL game?

The Bos: From what I can see here, in Bostopia... they are losing 10-9 after 3 quarters to the Mont-Olive Olive Bowls...

Rescotte: Crisse... Ah well... It's good then... When do you want the cars there?

The Bos: In 2186 minutes. No more. Did you understand?

Rescotte: Yes, I did. Ah! And what do they contain?

The Bos: Ah! Good question... They contain a new formula of Turtles-destroying spray, known as SLANITURTLES1093

Rescotte: That'll teach them... Well, it'll be done by the time you told me to, I promise.

The Bos: Alright. Bye

Rescotte: Bye.

*hangs on phone*

Rescotte: *sigh* I'm bored of HDTV, I'll listen to radio instead

Radio: You are currently listening to OBC Radio one 109.3 FM (Our radio allocation goes up to 110 MHz) in Marshalliston. Now time for the news.

*Musical theme plays*

Radio: Alright, so my name is Josée Fartton, replacing Denise Wong for today. It's now 14:00 in Marshalliston and these are the highlights for today. President Bertrand Dionne announced a new plan today to counter the flow of West Ariddians coming in Oliverry. He said that they shall be limited to 1093 per month and not a single more. Asked why about this special number, Dionne said that he liked that number. Blah Blah Blah...

*Rescotte falls asleep in his chair*

Radio: "It's now 22:59, my name is Wayne English and thank you for listening to a shortened version of your national news show, The Daily News. Now, we'll be back to The Soccer Night: Game featuring Marshalliston FC and Saint-François United. Before we quit, just a reminder to say it's currently 1-1 at Half-Time."

*Rescotte, upon hearing that, suddenly wakes up*

Rescotte (Angrier than a Geisenfriedian, to not say a RL German): CALISSE!! J'ai manqué c'te game là!! Personne aurait pu m'appeler?

*Rescotte looks at his voicebox, only to find he received 10 messages, over 9 hours and 3 minutes.*

Rescotte: What will my players say now?

*Phone rings*

Rescotte: Allo!

John Eastwood: Bonjour Joeseph! What the fuck are you doing? We had to tell Tom Pensée to replace you for a half... and you know how he reacts while being drunk, right?

Rescotte: Yeah... I remember that night at the pub where he got us kicked off after getting naked to attract girls... Such a great night...

Eastwood: Alright... so today, he did even worse!

Rescotte: How could he? I thought he reached the bottom with that one...

Eastwood: Well, first, he told the guy responsible for the material to find him a bikini. After, during the first 5 minutes of the half, he was wearing it on his suit. Someone had to tell him to remove it. He then wanted to fight with a bunch of what he called Lilliputians, but he was only imaginating them. But that's not over! He actually asked us to find him someone to play a game of Eveningburg Cross! He ended playing with a bunch of nerds studying at Marshalliston Tech, until Half-time... HEILLE!! LÂCHE LE TÉLÉPHONE TOÉ!! Sorry, that was him trying to get the phone off my hands.

Rescotte: Alright. Do you really need me right now?

Eastwood: We can survive, but we absolutely need you next time, Manager.

Rescotte: Alright. I'll be at the practice tomorrow, you can count on me.

Eastwood: See you tomorrow then!

Rescotte: Before I say goodbye: Beat those Françoisiens!

Eastwood: Bye!

*Hangs on phone*

QSPNFOOTBALL.NETSpecial Report

Interesting finish

Qazox is assured at least of a playoff berth thanks to the Reserve team scraped up at nearly the last moment as the Pheonix defeat Yafor 2-1. The Golden Wolves' Zyante Meleherat scored for the home side in the 17th minute to make it 1-0 Yafor 2, but but goals by Qazox' Darryl Natali in the 52nd and Roxie Chatterton in the 83rd brought the team to within a point of clinching its 3rd straight trip to the World Cup.

Qazox will use the Reserves team again in the final match against Billopesha, giving the regulars another week of rest.

In major international news, Liverpool England and Az-cz each have withdrawn thier ambassadors from the other country, leading to mostly civil dispute. The basic cause was Az-cz' protests on the behalf of former Head Coach Jason Fowler, being declared a persona non grata in Liverpool England. Mr. Fowler was un able to return our calls, but a spokesperson for the QSC has issused this statement on his behalf:

We appreciate the assistance of Az-cz in the matter that pertained our former Coach, and while offically, the government of Qazox is neutral in this dispute, the QSC pledges full support of Az-cz in this matter and herby requests that Qazox, if and upon obtaining a World Cup berth, not participate in matches located in Liverpool England. Their inane law of not allowing visas to convicted felons, although no longer effecting Mr. Fowler, who has been offically relieved of his duties, until his legal issues have been resolved, would effect a few members of the National team, who will remain anonymous. Yes there are convicted felons on the Qazox national team, and as of yet, they have had no other country deny travel, as vehemently as Liverpool England is attempting to do. Once again, Qazox herby requests of the WCC to keep Qazox, in as much possiblity from Liverpool England.
Liverpool England and the WCC have not yet responded to this request, but an answer is expected within days.

QSPN has obtained, from independent sources the names of the players, who have been convicted of felonies, and under the Freedom of Information Act will list them here:

(ooc:Please note it's now 1931 in Qazox)
Ty Revee: Convicted of 1st degree assault in 1923. Served 1 1/2 years of a 3 year sentence.
Yancy Fry: Convicted of 1st degree assault in 1917. Served 25 months of a 28 month sentence.
Jon Serra: Convicted of armed robbery in 1922. Served 2 years

PRUXTON PRESS

Prawns finally Score!

After almost 320 minutes of gamepaly, Prux managed to squeak a goal past audiosalvia, but could not end the winless streak, as they drew 1-all. 007, who had missed the last 2 games with a sore kneecap, finally got the prawns on board in the 56th minute. But Audioslavia's Alessander Marriot scored just seconds later to tie the match, before it was called in the 70th minute, due to lightning strikes near the stadium.

The Prawns' final chance to win a match during these qualifers is against ESF. While these qualifiers have not been great in terms of record or goals, the experience is the key here, and in four years, Prux will be a team on the rise.

Prux' Scoring this match:
007: 56'

Prux' Overall scoring: (17 goals)
007: 8
Pi R. Squared: 3
The Sphinx: 3
Pies R. Round: 2
Italian w/ Hot Peppers: 1

Overall Record so far for Prux:
1 win-6 draws-6 losses 9 points, 8th in group 2 with a -10 goal differental.

(ooc: i'll try anything for a win even bad alliteration and a sentence that makes little sense, but starts with every letter of the alphabet...lol)

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Dallas dancing girls kick out pretenders at Dazza Dallas stadium

World Cup 38 Group 4 leaders Candelaria And Marquez came to Jeruselem on the 1st leg of the "horror" run as their next opponent was Yafor 2, but they would play Yafor 2 at home with the advantage of home support. Today, they played at the mighty Dazza Dallas stadium. Leading Group 4 in round 12 with Qazox and Jeruselem close behind with Yafor 2 4th, C&M had the chance to secure their place in the World CUp - if they took it.

In fact, the lucky round of 13 had Jeruselem playing C&M at home and Yafor 2 taking on Qazox at home. The top 4 of Group 4 were playing each other. This round would decide the fate of at least one team. 13 was lucky for some teams but not others.

The Pheonix defeated Yafor 2, at the home of Yafor 2. Yafor 2 has beaten Jeruselem twice so far and needed the win now. The Pheonix prevailed TWO ONE and knocked Yafor 2 out of automatic qualification contention as well at the same time. Yes, the team who beat Jeruselem twice will not make the finals unless they did it through a play-off. This left three teams in the running for the top 2 spots.

C&M had to play Jeruselem at home. On paper, Jeruselem's recent home results were not good. A loss to Yafor 2, a draw against lower team and a big win recently against Billopesha. So, Dazza Dallas was not a fortress for Jeruselem - too many draws against lower teams for the Crusaders.

Surely, C&M had a chance! Not today, Jeruselem stayed strong with a wobbly but solid TWO ONE win over C&M. C&M scored first after a defensive indiscretion from Qazoxian Fix Foster allowed the first blood to the visitors. After that, the team rallied after a "bitchy" speech by the Princess woke up the slumber.

The half-time entertainment was a troupe of dancing girls dressed as Dazzi the Ninja Girl, complete with sword dancing.

The two home goals were scored by an unexpected hero, Hikfie Dallas. She rarely scores goals and if she does, it's at the wrong end. "Dopey" headed in a cross by Dinkie Dosha in the 50th minute to give Jeruselem a draw situation. Near the end of the game, an accidental nudge by a C&M defender on the Princess while she was about to turn around caused Kate to land the wrong way - and knock her head on the goal post. The penalty was given to Jeruselem as Kate was taken off the field complaining she could see "pink wabbits with wings".

Dinkie took over as Captain and gave "Dopey" the penalty kick with the instructions "Just copy Kate!". Hikfie slotted home the goal, not realising she'd put Jeruselem ahead. Later Hikfie Dallas said "I just aimed the little pink wabbit in the corner."

Jeruselem 2-1 Candelaria And Marquez
Yafor 2 1-2 Qazox
Billopesha 3-0 Rastafariburg
Miamoria 2-2 Kelssek


Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Qazox 13 8 2 3 24 11 13 26 P
2 Jeruselem 13 7 4 2 28 10 18 25 P
3 Candelaria And Marquez 13 6 5 2 14 8 6 23
4 Yafor 2 13 5 5 3 20 12 8 20


MD14:
Miamoria v Jeruselem
Qazox v Billopesia
Candelaria and Marquez v Yafor 2
Kelssek v Rastafariburg

Qazox have a home game and play lowly Billopesia. Expect a win or draw here as the Pheonix are at home, this should score a top 2 spot. Should Qazox lose, then we'll talk about that later.

Jeruselem are away at the home of Miamoria. They drew with us last time, at Jeruselem but most expect a draw at worst and a win is the expected result. Should Jeruselem win, top 2 is secured a draw is problematic. One thing we cannot afford do is to lose, as C&M can overtake us - pushing us to 3rd. We want Yafor 2 to draw or win.

Both Yafor 2 and C&M need to win - BUT guess what, they play each other. Should they draw, Jeruselem and Qazox are through. If Yafor 2 wins, it could push C&M out of the top 3 and replace it (allowing Jeruselem and Qazoz to be the top 2). If C&M win, then this get complex.

If Jeruselem draw, C&M win and Qazox lose - then we have 26 points for the top 3! Jeruselem have a better head to head record against both other teams (not losing to those teams). C&M have a win and draw against Qazox s head to head. However, Qazox and Jeruselem's goal difference is lot better than C&Ms.

QSPNFOOTBALL.NETSpecial Report

Interesting finish

Qazox is assured at least of a playoff berth thanks to the Reserve team scraped up at nearly the last moment as the Pheonix defeat Yafor 2-1. The Golden Wolves' Zyante Meleherat scored for the home side in the 17th minute to make it 1-0 Yafor 2, but but goals by Qazox' Darryl Natali in the 52nd and Roxie Chatterton in the 83rd brought the team to within a point of clinching its 3rd straight trip to the World Cup.

Qazox will use the Reserves team again inthe final match against Billopesha, giving the regulars another week of rest.

In major international news, Liverpool England and Az-cz each have withdrawn thier ambassadors from the other country, leading to mostly civil dispute. The basic cause was Az-cz' protests on the behalf of former Head Coach Jason Fowler, being declared a persona non grata in Liverpool England. Mr. Fowler was un able to return our calls, but a spokesperson for the QSC has issused this statement on his behalf:

We appreciate the assistance of Az-cz in the matter that pertained our former Coach, and while offically, the government of Qazox is neutral in this dispute, the QSC pledges full support of Az-cz in this matter and herby requests that Qazox, if and upon obtaining a World Cup berth, not participate in matches located in Liverpool England. Their inane law of not allowing visas to convicted felons, although no longer effecting Mr. Fowler, who has been offically relieved of his duties, until his legal issues have been resolved, would effect a few members of the National team, who will remain anonymous. Yes there are convicted felons on the Qazox national team, and as of yet, they have had no other country deny travel, as vehemently as Liverpool England is attempting to do. Once again, Qazox herby requests of the WCC to keep Qazox, in as much possiblity from Liverpool England.

Liverpool England and the WCC have not yet responded to this request, but an answer is expected within days.

QSPN has obtained, from independent sources the names of the players, who have been convicted of felonies, and under the Freedom of Information Act will list them here:

(ooc:Please note it's now 1931 in Qazox)
Ty Revee: Convicted of 1st degree assault in 1923. Served 1 1/2 years of a 3 year sentence.
Yancy Fry: Convicted of 1st degree assault in 1917. Served 25 months of a 28 month sentence.
Jon Serra: Convicted of armed robbery in 1922. Served 2 years.

To the QSC:

It is currently not the habit of the World Cup Committee to interfere with the conditions on Sporting event Visas that various nations might have. According to the information provided from appropriate Liverpool England officials have resulted in the following facts in regards to the incident regarding Mr Fowler.

1. Mr Fowler is a felon.
2. A Requirement of the Liverpool England Sport's Visa means that Mr Fowler does not meet requirements for that Visa
3. Mr Fowler meets requirements for other Liverpool England Visas that will allow Mr Fowler to participate in the World Cup Qualification matches

We can identify that neither Mr Fowler nor the QSC has been disadvantaged by such rulings by the Liverpool England government. I see that no intervention is required nor would it be beneficial for the WCC to start interfering unnecessarily in any arena.

Yours Sincerly, James Gaines
President of the WCC

Kiryu-shi Upsets Second Seed

By Rebecca Doig

Sakaino, Kiryu-shi Kiryu-shi kept on with their dominant play, today, upsetting Squornshelous four to two. For the second strait game Kiryu-shi played a dominant, aggressive, smart game, as they were able to build on their last win, a three-two slugfest over Vikingholm. The last time they played Squornshelous, they were absolutely crushed, five to one. They gave up five goals in the first half, and it looked like their qualifications were headed down the drain. Squornshelous was in first place, and it looked like they were going to give SLANI a run for their money. Since that match, Squornshelous has lost four times including the last game against Kiryu-shi, while only winning three matches. On the other hand, Kiryu-shi has rebounded pretty nicely, with four wins, two draws and a loss.

____The Kiryu-shi football team took the field excited to play, anticipating a closer match than their first encounter. The last time Kiryu-shi played Squornshelous in Sakaino, the home squad was shut out in a depressing three-nil loss. Kiryu-shi’s players were looking forward to seek out some revenge. It didn’t start out, well, though. Kiryu-shi players were entirely over-excited and energetic. They committed a few dumb fouls early in the match, and although Squornshelous didn’t score directly from any of them, Kiryu-shi couldn’t manage to get into any type of rhythm or flow. Predictably, Squornshelous was the first to get rid of the circle on the scoreboard. In the 18th minute, forward Dmitri Polokov broke through Kiryu-shi defense and collected a beautiful through pass from Caj Ilmari. Polokov cut back once, past Matthew Pruet, and then shot a beautiful curling goal into the far corner of the net. Jon Crow was frozen, and Squornshelous took the early lead. Kiryu-shi got their act together after that initial strike, and managed to get a few good attacks, especially utilizing Pat Mayberry and Isaac Levi on the right wing. In the 22nd minute, Mayberry’s no look pass to Levi, who was overlapping Mayberry on the wing, led to a great opportunity. Levi took the ball, dribbled it effortlessly towards the corner of the pitch, and knocked a beautiful cross through the area. Garret McGee almost scored a spectacular heading goal, but the ball was punched over the net by Kustaa Paavalainen, who was in the perfect position to block the header. Kiryu-shi managed another opportunity down the same sideline just two minutes later. Levi hit a soft, looping pass for Mayberry down the sideline. Defender Jonathon Olafson, who is notorious for his sometimes erratic play, misjudged Mayberry’s speed, and all of a sudden, Mayberry was cruising down the sideline. McGee once again found good position in the middle, and another excellent cross was sent in. However, this time, McGee, who drew multiple marks, purposely missed the ball. Hellen Gandy was standing unmarked near the backpost, and she had time to trap the ball down and coolly knock it through for the tying goal. In the 24th minute, both teams were level once again. Kiryu-shi managed to absorb Squornshelous’ attacks again and again, and counter attack well, taking advantage of Squornshelous’ three man defense. However, they couldn’t capitalize on any chances, missing a few close shots and knocking shots strait at the keeper numerous times. Both Garret McGee and Hellen Gandy were racing up the field time after time creating chances, but the score held level for the rest of the half.

____Coach Bruce Lewis made two interesting substitutions at halftime, taking out both Gandy and McGee in favor of two of the younger reserve players, Kazuko Machihara and Emily Boyle. Both of these players showcase speed and agility, rather then strength and power. Instead of lining them up with one at midfielder and one at forward, he put them side by side, to create a dual forward formation, the first time in recent memory when Kiryu-shi has used multiple forwards. This strategy was supposed to exploit Squornshelous’ three man defense, and it worked perfectly. The combination of Machihara and Boyle was too much for the defense, as they fed off each other very well. The go-ahead goal came in the 49th minute, after Giacario Diamanti found Machihara near the middle of the pitch. She danced around the midfield, evading the large defensive midfielder Anton Gulbrand before finding Emily Boyle racing down field. Machihara’s pass was not particularly hard, but it found Boyle in perfect position to take off down the field, splitting defenders Rassmus Pahlsson and Staffan Thorstein and scoring on a nice one on one goal against Paavalainen. The combination added another goal in the 55th minute, this time with a gorgeous set of passes which eventually found Machihara with a good opening from the left side of goal. She just barely managed to sneak the ball past the keeper, and all of a sudden, Kiryu-shi was up by two goals. The Pschychoes pressed harder than ever to score, but the Kiryu-shi defense was pretty solid. Squornshelous managed to draw within one goal in the 73rd minute with some beautiful teamwork, completely destroying Kiryu-shi’s defensive line and scoring an easy goal. Roman Svoboda got the final shot in for that goal. However, Kiryu-shi managed to draw their defense in even more tightly. In the 88th minute, with almost the entire Squornshelous team attacking Kiryu-shi, Boyle got a breakaway off of a clear from Gregory Iverson, and raced down the field completely alone, made a move past the keeper and virtually dribbled the ball into the net for her second goal of the match. That was the nail in the coffin, and Kiryu-shi won the game, four to two.

____With the win, Kiryu-shi is now up three points on Squornshelous with one game to play, in position to make it directly into the World Cup. They have a chance to bypass a playoff match against Geisenfried, Group six’s third place team and the eventual opponent of Group five’s third place squad. However, it is certainly no given that Kiryu-shi will make it to the Cup that easily. A loss to Swilatia combined with a Squornshelous win will give Kiryu-shi and Squornshelous a tie in points, and Squornshelous would lead Kiryu-shi in goal differential, which means they would take second place. All Kiryu-shi has to do to secure second, is get at least one point off Swilatia, who’ve underperformed slightly this tournament. Swilatia currently sits in fifth place, out of contention, but they should not be overlooked. They still have the capability of putting together a strong game, and playing in Swilatia certainly won’t make things easier. Kiryu-shi is also likely to feel the pressures of being a game away from qualifying. It’s possible they take the momentum from the past two matches and winning easily, but it’s just as possible that they get caught up in looking ahead and choke. Either way, this is where Kiryu-shi wanted to be going into the last game of qualifications. They control their own destiny, and have a good chance of making it to the World Cup for the first time in history.

The Beningrad Morning Star

Sortherners in two wins in a row shock

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Sorthern Northland is in shock today following a second win in a row for the Sortherners at the James Connolly Stadium last night. This seems to be proof in many people's minds that Kevin Hugh has lost the respect of the dressing room with the team being managed, effectively by the players. But before we get to carried away it should be remembered that the two teams we have beaten recently are the only two team below us in Group 11.

Sorthern Northland again enjoyed the vast majority of the play and it wasn't until the final five minutes when SN had relaxed that Ambrose-Douglas managed to threaten the Sortherners goal.

The opening goal came after thirty-three minutes courtesy of Ben O'Bagels, making his first appearance since horrifically breaking his leg in the match with Konora in Beningrad a few months ago. The left winger won the ball from the Ambrose-Douglas right back on the half-way line and then feed a cross field ball to Tom Tomsk on the opposite flank. Tomsk then took on the opposing left back and fired a low cross into he area. However no one from either side could get a firm connection with the ball and after a goalmouth scramble an Ambrose-Douglas defender managed to half clear the ball to the edge of the area, where O'Bagels was waiting. With the keeper unsighted the keeper had no chance of stopping the wingers low drive nestle into the bottom of the net.

A second goal for the Sortherners came in the seventy third minute following a poor peace of defending from Ambrose-Douglas. An Ivar Wrightson clearance should have been easy for the defence to deal with. The goalkeeper and defender however made a meal out of it though, with neither knowing whether or not to get the ball. With Kim Min-Kim chasing the ball down, the keeper hurried a clearance with the ball bouncing off his defender and onto the top of the crossbar and going out for a corner. Kim Min-Kim then took the corner poorly going straight to the keeper. The keeper should have caught the ball easily, however he again made a hash of it letting it through his hands and into the net for one of the flukiest goals Kim will score. Ambrose-Douglas managed to get a consolation goal in the 87th minute but apart from that they never looked like scoring. Sorthern Northland will travel to the The Holy Empire the final game of qualifying. A win for the Holy Empire will see them qualify for the finals.

A Win in Gogari!!

Today, millions from Gogari celebrated what seems to the last win the Geese will have in this World Cup. After tomorrow they will be going to the Cup of Harmony which may give them an edge in next year's tournament. It is easy to see that the Geese are doing better than expected, clinging onto their 5th place spot when they seeded 6th. Even if the fanatics aren't celebrating like when Uiri was first after a draw between the Holy Empire and Ariddia, they will still be celebrating well into the remainder of wherever the Geese go. Who knows, maybe they'll qualify next time?

Az-cz is disappointed in Bazalonian news report.

While we're unclear on the accuracy of the truth of the story concerning the two friends we have a strong comment on the final rejoinder. We would like to remind Bazalonia, and the rest of the world that our actions haven't been what's caused this breakdown. Liverpool England made an out of the blue decision and we haven't responded. Liverpool Englanders are free to visit Az-cz as far as we are concerned. So place the blame where it belongs, at the feet of Liverpool England.

St Samuel (0) 0

Ariddia (0) 3


St Samuel Sports News
St Samuel's defeat leaves tall order



St Samuel's World Cup campaign has gone all the way to the wire and after a 3-0 defeat to World Champs Ariddia, the only hope of qualification is a win against Rejistania by 5 goals. The tall order is an all but impossible task and manager Louis Della Penzzi has announced that the game against Rejistania is to be his last after leading the Latin Crusaders in four World Cup campaigns. On two occasions he has finished 4th in World Cup Qualifiying groups, and it is looking likely that St Samuel will finish 4th for the third consecutive World Cup campaign.

From the start St Samuel were out classed by the world number ones and couldn't hold back strikers, Elmi Hamzah Guirreh and Jamilah Shahrour who were in fine form. St Samuel based Ariddian player, François Riverain, currently playing for Lewisburg Town, tangled with AC Solina hard man, Aaron De Villion. The two have a history of tough tackling between one another and it was after 20 minutes De Villion made an ugly two footed challenge on Riverain, who reacted angrily to the poor tackle. De Villion was booked for the tackle and Riverain warned about his reaction. Ten minutes later it was Riverain who barged De Villion off the ball. This clearly angered De Villion who picked his moment and once more made a terrible lunging tackle on Riverain. Once more the two players went face to face and were pulled away by teammates. There was only one way for De Villion to go, and he was deservedly shown a red card, his second of the tournament.

St Samuel had a handful of good chances. Mazzeranni and Sensini were both denied goals by Tu Wesh who commanded the Ariddian goal with confidence. Dexter St John thought he had scored on the 55th minute with a header that beat Wesh, but was headed clear by Riverain.

The defeat and the likely 4th place finish in the group for the third consecutive World Cup Qualifier leaves the media asking, is manager Louis Della Penzzi correct to announce his resignation for after the match against Rejistania. Most have paid homage to Della Penzzi and his time as the Latin Crusaders manager, whilst others have said it is time for a change. But one thing is for sure, if St Samuel beat Rejistania by more than five goals, Della Penzzi will no doubt become the most celebrated St Samuel manager.

=====

St Samuel Goal Scorers

Mazzeranni 10
St John 6
Sensini 4
Bezzi-Louazza 2
Le Ricco 1
Abellardo 1
De Villion 1
Rock 1

Ug-Mt was livid. He had no idea how the Qazoxians had figured out what had caused the rift between Liverpool England and Az-cz, but apparently it had something to do with coach of Qazox's. He had been delivered the information about the case but simply couldn't see how it had anything to do with Az-cz. He wrote a personal letter himself to Qazox asking how they had determined that their coach was related to Liverpool England's decision. He couldn't believe that Az-cz's reputation had been trashed over some low level Jeruselem perv who Qazox hired as their coach. He also had his ambassador to Bettia to arrange three party talks to get to the bottom of this situation. He had chosen Bettia because of their status as the Atlantian Oceania UN delegate.

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Scoring woes blight Kelssek's football team
JASON BLENHEIM | SPORTS CORRESPONDENT | KIRKENES

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Team manager Greg Babcock, who has highlighted the team's scoring woes in his assessment of the team's performance as the World Cup qualifiers come to an end.



The dismal performance of the national football team at the World Cup 37 qualifiers has been blamed on one simple problem by manager Gregory Babcock: not enough goals.

Indeed, yesterday's 2-2 draw away against Miamoria was one of the higher-scoring performances for Kelssek in the competition. It has, moreover, been a truly appalling offensive performance with only eight goals scored throughout; the second-lowest of any team in the competition. It's not hard to see why the Beavers have had problems winning games and why the main objective has switched from "improve upon last time's near-qualification" to "don't finish last, if at all possible".

Another significant problem is that it's been mainly Ian Sinclair doing the scoring, while the other strikers seem to have been deserted by their finishing abilities.

"Sinclair's more used to those high-pressure situations, I think," Babcock said. "The overseas experience is invaluable in developing our national squad and I wish more of our players would take the opportunities being offered." Sinclair plays for Cafundéu's A.F.F. club.

However, the problem goes beyond finishing - the midfield hasn't been creating enough moves to finish and their tactical game has often amounted to little more than passing the ball around and lobbing long balls from defence.

"We have to move beyond that if we're going to progress beyond this." Babcock said.

And so it is that Group 6 is a wrap, Bettia celebrating their qualification with a festival of football in a 3-1 victory over Kura-Pelland. In all honesty, it was complacency and experimentation that stopped the score from reaching double figures; multiple outrageous long shots were taken, one of which did produce the third goal, and there were many over-elaborate passing movements too. Bettia had over 65% of the ball, and Kura-Pelland had over 65% of their population praying that the privatisation of the KPFA - now to be renamed SocKaPel Inc. - will make a difference.

An all-new team is almost certain, and the vast majority will be the young players from the U21 team and most likely the private 'sports academies' that were introduced by the last National Democrat administration.

In a worrying development, the new majority government has extended term lengths to seven years. Left-wing and liberal groups have stormed the government buildings, and several hundred have been arrested, some on spurious charges. A newspaper editor has referred to Kura-Pelland's capitalist revolution as 'the fastest creation of a pariah state in the history of Atlantian Oceania'. Holger Pi, the only foreigner playing in Kura-Pelland's national league, is rumoured to be seeking a return to his homeland, and his girlfriend - Sasha Martins, a session musician who has played clarinet and saxophone for several different popular Kura-Pellandi artists on their recent albums, including that of WorldVision third-place finisher Zoe Whittock - is apparently seeking to move to another country.

Meanwhile, migration between Kura-Pelland and Vephrall is running out of control, as hundreds of thousands plan to leave Kura-Pelland for fear of dictatorial government while many more Vephrese seek the new job opportunities emerging as a result of lax labour legislation and tumbling taxes. The M40-Highway 427, the main route between the two countries, is 'massively congested on a regular basis', as is the A41-NR41 serving the high-tech city of Fariynuff close to the border. The Achorpe and Fariynuff council are expecting 50,000 new immigrants in the next three years from Vephrall alone, but no figures are available for expected emigration, which some independent analysts believe could run even higher.

"And now it's time for 'Today on Tonight's Newsbag where it's your say about the recent Today on Tonight topics. Tonight alot of mail in regards to our exclusive story in regards to the Liverpool England and Az-cz. First up Paul from Fulton."


You call yourselves news? That story contained as much fact as a Bazawood movie. Your audience is smarter than that, treat them with respect


and another one, this time Joan from Queat


The story contained so many falacies I where to begin. Shame you bring Bazalonia and our news to shame.


"These are just a few letters we received but the vast majority including a number from overseas all basically saying the same thing. And so on behalf of the show it's producers and Baz7. I would like to unreservedly apologise to both Liverpool England, it was not our intention to interfere and to Az-cz, we merely used the terms that the two subjects of the story described themselves. The usage of 'euphemisms' is in regards to the relationship between the main subjects of the story."

"And that is all that we have time for once again, we can only apologise and take back the story for what was a massive misunderstanding on a number of levels."

~~~~

Now that Franklinton Jones thought that the machine might contain his AI algorithm he delved himself into the world of soccer, particular Estresse Intenso. He'd come up with a the strategy that the machine should choose if indeed it followed his basis.

He watched the Sel Appa - Estresse Intenso match live, even though it wasn't in a friendly time slot for Bazalonians to watch it and he had to find a site online to watch coverage from some other nation, he didn't know and he didn't really pay attention to the tags and labels, they were in the end meaningless anyway.

At the end of the match he compared what he saw with what he had managed to work out. And it was confirmed. He typed up an email, attached a number of documents including source code for the algorithm and some of his test data and simulations. Too bad that his information trap hadn't came out with any help.

The Albrecht Herald
Greatest strength proves achilles’ heel as C&M taste bitter defeat
By Tracker Edwards

The audience share never dipped below 40% (half-time in the first game), and rose as high as 70% (as news of the first goal in the second spread). But when the dust had settled, after a five-hour football extravaganza watched by millions on TV1… C&M’s World Cup qualification hopes lay on a knife edge.

It’s been a ride more teeter-totter* than roller coaster, and at times frankly sleep-inducing. How much now will Mark Baker be cursing home draws to Rastafariburg and Kelssek in recent weeks; winnable games turned to mere single points by our careful, unadventurous play. It was put to him before yesterday’s events that a less negative style would surely have seen more wins, more losses, but more points. Points that would leave the fate of a former World Cup finalist in our hands. It was not to be, yesterday. But it could have been. And it may just be yet.

Just how many arguments occurred in pubs and households across the land when the many millions sat down to watch the clash between Yafor 2 and Qazox may never be known. Who exactly did we want to win? The away side; going in for a safety-first policy that would see thousands checking on the net for cheap flights to the 4-Panel state? Or the home side; a result that would risk everything and see the Big Blues set to go straight to Adi’han**… Or to Bostopia with their collective tails between their legs?

Those devil-may-care fans who backed the latter received an instant boost when it became clear that Qazox’s side would be shattered by the frankly impenetrable events of recent weeks. Instead, a team of unheard of names wandered piecemeal out into the Zydrakos Dome… a preceded to make names for themselves. Certainly, those of Darryl Natali and Roxie Chatterton may yet gain a special place in the broken hearts of Candelariasian football fans. Or they may just have been our saviours.

Baker claimed after the match that he’d made sure his places were unaware of events occurring over in Gholoth. But while it’s reasonable to assume that the many and varied delights of the land of Jeruselem may have held their attention well; there can be no doubt that Benji Fu and his team stepped out into the Dazza Dallas Stadium knowing full well that gaining a victory in this most well-armoured of back yards would send them through to the country’s first World Cup, no questions asked. This was the biggest game of their careers, the most important involving a team from these islands since K.F. Timpson and his men faced Northern Ireland on the 30th of November, 1907. Nearly a century after the first time a team in Candelariasian colours took to the field; the Republic had a chance of representation at the most prestigious tournament in the worlds. As the first whistle blew; nerves gave way to determination to secure a gilded place in the history of a nation.

For any neutrals roving the stations on satellite networks across the world, it was a superb game; aggressive without being dirty, with two sides willing to play football. Of course the Crusaders had the best of it; they were at home and an innately attacking to boot, not to mention their proud sporting history. Yet C&M were always in this from the start, given wings by the simple knowledge of the prize waiting for them. If Kate Bush’s team created more chances, C&M fashioned the better ones; and the Jeruselem back four began to take on an increasingly dishevelled appearance every time Ignacio Vélez and Yasser Zaghloul wandered into the box. Both players have the strength to cause havoc, but are far from a natural partnership with the much pacier Steven Fritz currently on bench-warming duties. That may cost C&M in whichever tournament they eventually end up reaching; but here Foster and Hilton looked nervous of their larger opponents throughout.

And shortly before the interval, it paid off. As seems par for the course in a Mark Baker C&M side; it came after an opposition attack, a Scarlet Ferris attempt narrowly clearing the crossbar. Reuben Uwakwe rapidly took a huge kick which was well headed away by Adam Tuff, but landed only at the feet of Doug Szczechowicz. The left-back quickly gave the ball to Jos Cornelisse, who danced down the left and, under pressure from Stumpy Moshan, cut the ball back towards Speed Wang. Fix Foster made a wild attempt to cut out the pass, but succeeded only it sending it to the unmarked Vélez, who had drifted onside. He seized on his chance and drilled the shot past Chelsea Cho Cho.
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As has been a feature of their stop-start campaign; Jeruselem looked ready to choke. Vélez volleyed just wide moments later, while Cho Cho denied O’Sullivan Caras with a lovely save seconds before the half-time whistle. It is impossible to silence a Jeruselem crowd; but as the break came the small travelling party of C&M fans tucked away in a corner were clearly the loudest voices in the stadium, even if they were smothered by a huge flag which covered much of the away end. The eternal springs of hope were flowing anew.

It couldn’t last of course. This Crusaders side may not be true potential World Cup winners this time around, but they had too much strength and experience to take defeat lying down. C&M were forced to camp in their own half from the first minute of the new half, as Dinkie Dosha and the Dallases finally got on the ball and began to force chance of chance. The equaliser was inevitable, and came from a Jeruselem cross. It was a cross potent by the former captain Dosha that came to the onrushing Hikfie Dallas, who thumped in the header.

C&M would have their chances; Wang missing by an inch on seventy, substitute Fritz carving out a glorious opportunity on his ownsome before knocking wide from point-blank range. But compared to the previous forty-five this was a new Jeruselem, and it would not be uncharitable to our brave blokes abroad to suggest that it could have ended a rather heavier defeat. As it was, the undisputed talents of Kate Dallas et al could not find their way past the Big Blues’ steadfast defence. With Damien Sono and Uwakwe set for the knackers’ yard come the next qualifying campaign, C&M may be forced to loosen their reliance on their concrete back five. But not just yet, and it very nearly paid off.

Was it a penalty? Maybe not. Certainly there was true intent from Szczechowicz when he collided with the young Princess Kate. But the howls of protest from TV1 commentators, while understandable coming at such a late juncture, were unfair. It was dangerous play, and at international level the Albrecht Turkish player will have known that there was no margin for error in the mind of the Errinunderan referee. The dazed Dallas wandered off, the… other dazed Dallas stepped up, and the few thousand Candelariasians slumped into their seats.

So the national team’s jet set off for home, and we are forced to ask a final set of questions. Can C&M avoid defeat to the Yaforites, especially after their sudden burst of activity? And can Miamoria, a side that took three points off us in Albrecht and scored two to out three at their place, possibly stick a leg in front of Jeruselem’s charge? Can Billopesha possibly do us the favour to end all favours?

After many months of matches, we will find out our final Group Four fate in a matter of days.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/jeruselem.png Jeruselem 2
H. Dallas 50 and pen 85

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Candelaria And Marquez.png Candelaria And Marquez 1
Vélez 31

______________

* Of all the ghastly New-Worldisms that could’ve been absorbed in Candelarias English, they go and adopt that one…

**The C&M press is currently refraining to mention the co-host status of Novapsolu whenever possible.

______________

Elsewhere, most papers report that Ignacio Vélez will be disciplined after a late night boozing session in Jeruselem, and a failure to return to the team hotel. The only C&M goal scorer in the defeat to the Crusaders, Vélez is however unlikely to loose his starting place against Yafor 2; with rumours persisting that he will be partnered up front by Steven Fritz, with Yasser Zaghloul sacrificed to the bench.

Meanwhile, La Sirena de Niebla Poderosa of El din suggests that Cathedral City FC have opened talks with the CMSC over an exemption on the season’s ban on transfer activity allowing them to bring in Holger Pi, a Candelariasian national playing for United Trilan of Kura-Pelland, with the striker believed to be growing discontented with life abroad and the Cats’ own young forward line of Edward Moschopoulos and Jamie Rawlinson failing to gel so far this season.

The situation in the troubled Atlantian Oceanian state has begun to impact in the faraway Candelarias; when three Kura-Pellandi geologists visiting Green Island applied for political asylum. The application is currently churching through the MoAI, though Secretary of State for Asylum and Immigration Mortan Chibueze has claimed in recent days that a successful bid byt the trio is highly unlikely while the there remains no evidence of wide-spread human rights abuses in their homeland, and no immediate threat to their persons.

From the Rushmore Sports Daily’s Brian Kennedy Column

((ooc- let the RP curse continue as i plan to again fall to an AZ-cz spawned squad no matter how much higher ranked i am than them ;P ))

"Jones I am not pleased with what i have been seeing. Have the spy satellites been malfunctioning of late?" Agent Smith told his underling as the two sat alone on a park bench in an empty park as other agents had shut the park down for this meeting.

"They have been functioning as intnded sir. what's the problem?" Jones replied

"We have led our World Cup group nearly from the start yet with one match to go we are in second and have gotten a measly one point in the last two matches. Has Agent Adams been misinterpreting the data on the opponnents we've been sending him?"

"Not at all sir, the uplink has been solid. i think the players are just depressed sir."

"Why is that Jones?"

"Well we've kept them from their families this whole qualifiers, in order to keep their identities secret from the public so those New Othydoxy Church of whatevers don't gain anymore support that a well publizied cup coverage would do. They miss their loved one i'm sure."

"I see Jones, that is unaccepatble. Agent Adams will have to impress the importance of the situation to the players. This is not the time for them to wimp out on us. Their country needs them. Inform Agent Adams that his promotion to Jones is dependent on either winning the group or advancing beyond the group play of the cup proper. However as he did qualify he will not reciceve any black marks in his file if he fails to meet either of these goals."

"yes Agent Smith, i shall tell him that."

"As for you Jones, his failure will be most unfortunate to your own chances of advanacment. After all this was your idea so all blame will of course fall on you. It may be difficult to keep you from driopping to Adams rank again if the team falters too badly at this point. However i doubt you would fall to Black rank barring any disaster. And don;t worry unless you kill the team there is no way you'll drop to Agent White rank because of this."

<gulping> "Yes sir, but its not my fault if..."

"Excuses Agent Adams?"

"No sir i, um 'Adams' sir?"

"Yes, shall i make it Agent Black now?"

"No sir."

"Very well then, now show me those files of those people you think may be ready for the trials to become Whites. That Mithcell boy was one of them wasn;t he?"

"Yes sir, as you see here..."

chances of taeshan beating solenial1 out of two chances of taeshan beating schiavonia 1 out of ten
The knights beat the solenials 3-1. # straight goals after a 1-0 lead was taken by solenial. Brian ying uing tied it just before the half and scored to open the second. Zeke scored also. The knights are now 6-6-1. If we beat shiavonia (3 out of 61 chance) and oikioda loses(1o out of 6 million) the knights may qualify for there first cup ever. Or possibly lose and be highly seeded in the cup of harm,ony

*Gulp*

VDB clearly out of their league in the World Cup after a 4-0 shellacking versus British Londinium

The VDB has now lost twice to the British Londiniumians 5-1 and 4-0. And British Londinium can't even make it to the next round of the World Cup! The VDB needs to win to improve their prestige. It is already at a low since qualifying for the next round is out of the question.

Felipe Romney had a cramp during the intermission, and was taken out. He had played marvely, but it wasn't good enough. His sub, Mitt Valentio, was stiff, and the British Londiniumians pored it on.

Box Score:

Goals:

Yossarian (47)
Fletcher (55)
Serrant (65)
Yossarian (78)

Substitutions:

Romney-Valentio (46)
Vanek-Madend (66)
Yossarian-Silvestre (80)

Injuries:

None

Cards:

None

"We need to win, Oliverry needs to tie." Mike said, reading the paper.

"Huh?"

"To make a playoff. Us win, Oliverry tie."

"So what you're really saying is that it's out of our hands." Silvia said, sitting on the hood of the car and watching the ongoing destruction of Ylompic Stadium.

"Well, part is. We still have to win." Mike said, laying back against the windshield.

"But we could win and still make it, so we need some help."

"Yes."

"I hate that."

The two sat in silence, staring at the remains of the stadium, watching the slabs of stone on the exterior get pulled off to be sold.

"Why on earth are we watching this?"

"I have no idea, I just think we have nothing better to do at the moment."

"That's true, but still."

"Meh." Mike said.

They sat for a second more.

"It was pretty before it got all torn up though." Silvia said.

"Yeah, it was."

"If we do make it, who are we going to end up playing?"

"Vilita or... Ul... Ulz... some other team no one would care about."

"Isn't that always the way?"

"Pretty much, yes, it is." Mike said. "Hungry?"

"Yeah, let's get the hell out of here, this is getting pretty boring. Doesn't look like anyone's getting crushed today."

"Maybe if we come back tomorrow?" Mike asked, getting in the car and starting it.

"Wait, this is stupid. This is all this RP is going to be? Us sitting on the roof of a car?"

"What, it worked for Wayne's World. I'm hungry, let's just go."

Silvia sighed. "Lazy b*stard.* she sighed, sitting down in the car. "If we win, he sure as hell better come up with something good to RP with for the playoff, otherwise I'm going to kick his ass."

"And if we don't? And go to the Cup of Harmony?" Mike asked.

"Then who cares, it's the Cup of Harmony." Silvia replied, leaning out the window as they drove off.

...007, who had missed the last 2 games with a sore kneecap, finally got the prawns on board in the 56th minute. But Audioslavia's Alessander Marriot scored just seconds later to tie the match,...

(ooc: i'll try anything for a win even bad alliteration and a sentence that makes little sense, but starts with every letter of the alphabet...lol)

After an hour of clicking through qualifying reports from the rest of the world (including a bizzare match between Uiri and St. Samuel that apparently, according to goal-times published in different articles, finished with a 10-6 scoreline), Jeremy Jaffacake finally sat bolt upright in his chair. At last, he had the inspiration for how to report on Audioslavia's penultimate qualifier. Opening up his word processing package, eyes darting excitedly round the room looking for inspiration he, slowly, began to type.

Audioslavian boys' crap draw
Every fan goes home inebriated

Jaffacake kicked lame men nastily over pitch quite roughly. Said: "Terribly uninteresting, very wacky xylophones yankee zoo!". Asked "Bananas?", countered; "Don't exascerbate fings!". Goal happened incredibly. Just kicked loosely, man named 007 (Pruxian) quickly raced, shot terrificly under 'Vander. Wow! X-treme! Younguns zzz'd? Answered back, courageously, drawing energy from goal, hammered instantly, jittery keeper lobbed, not over post! Quality! Result: score! Took us vagabonds xcitingly yonder zone, or so we thought, but another Audioslavia goal was not forthcoming, and the game finished 1-1.

I've been Jeremy Jaffacake, g'nite bitches.

it is indeed the Regency, it is indeed the sports section

When It Rains, It Drizzles

After putting together twelve consecutive wins before losing in Bazalonia, the Zwangzug football team could only manage a 2-2 draw at home against unassuming Kristovenia.

Coach Doodlypants Mcgimpy was uncharacteristically confrontational afterwards. "There are some coaches who'd blame it on playing their second-stringers now that we've qualified, but I hold the entire team responsible."

The cause wasn't helped by forward Simon Ryne Olson being sent off after over-heatedly arguing an offsides in the twenty-first minute. And most of the team were indeed starters, though several substitutions came late in the game. In for Peter Vanderpent in the fifty-ninth minute, Gary Maini scored the tying goal in the eightieth. Preceding that had been a blast from Jacob Barons in the thirty-fifth, and two Kristovenian goals in between. But the effort put in by cool presences such as defender Bartholomew Hanson makes it clear that Zwangzug is not deliberately backing into the World Cup.

Sources say that a friendly with Sorthern [sic] Northland is being scheduled for after the qualifiers, which would be a better chance to truly rest starters without worrying about the outcome. Until then, Zwangzug will visit Minilla Island.

The overall outcome of Group 7 is still unknown: Bazalonia and Northern Bettia are tied for second. It is likely that one of them will qualify directly behind Zwangzug and the other will go to the playoffs, but Vuam and Isma could do either as well. The other four teams are eliminated.

http://img470.imageshack.us/img470/8564/jgnlogohe2.png

The Jeruselem world Cup 37 Team Awards!

This voted on by Jeruselem journalists after looking the Jeruselem World Cup 37 team's performances over the qualifying rounds.

Nicest person

A tie between Dinkie Dosha and Hikfie Dallas. Dinkie never has a bad word to say about anyone even when she was dumped as Captain earlier. Hikfie is so stupid, she's a nice person even if her family call her dopey in public.

Bitchiest person

That would have to be Kate Dallas, but then she has to be very bitchy to keep her team focussed on the job.

Manly man

Hose Tunk might be a favourite but Adam Tuff is the man. He's been the strong man of the Jeruselem defense with Jeruselem's defense being outstanding so far.

Quiet achiever

Chelsea Cho Cho has been doing her job without any real attention. The Jeruselem number one keeper who will retire soon has been doing her job and is the one keeping Jeruselem's defense looking good when they fail.

Thorn in the defenses

Kate Dallas, the former midfielder is finding the pointy end of the game more fun. Dinkie Dosha has been ineffective this cup but defenses have to deal the "Skate" after the "Bike" has retired. Most football players still can't work how a small girl like Kate (and Dazza too) can hit a ball so hard.

A tower of strength

while Tuff might be the MAN's man, Fix Foster has been solid overall in defense despite her lapse against C&M. The plucky little Qazoxian is playing her 3rd cup and will be fondly remembered for her efforts for adopted nation.

Traffic controller

With Kate Dallas wielding the sword, Bono le Peace has been new Dazza Dallas of the midfielder. He don't get much press but it's him who directs the traffic to the strikers can get the ball so score the goals. He might not look like it but he's essential to the progression of the team into the finals.

The Mouse

We don't hear much about Kate Bush. Sure, her coaching methods seem to be copied from thrice coach Dazza Dallas but unlike Dazza Dallas she's keeping out of the headlines leaving all the talking to the Princess.

Scandal magnet

No prizes here, Kate Dallas. Getting hit on the head with a bottle, talking about "wabbits" after hitting a goalpost and getting videotaped by the Qazoxian coach when she was younger. Hikfie Dallas is trying hard to beat her as she's sleeping with the Bostopia goalkeeper but Hikfie is boring compared to the real successor of the true scandal magnet Dazza. It's been rumoured Shane Hooney has been putting the moves on Paris Hilton, but she seems more interested in Adam Tuff.

USSE on verge of qualifying for World Cup 37
by Jan Kruis

The State team won a crucial game against Wehrmacher this week, placing us third in Group 9. With only three points between Endmile and Oliverry, the final matchday between them will be crucial. If we can pull off a win here, then we just might qualify. A loss will probably mean the end of the State's run at World Cup 37.

There has been much controversy surrounding the State team in this World Cup. Maarten Timmons' decision to put off retirement until after this cup has generated quite a bit of ill will between him and his named successor Hans Gimmel. Gimmel was not happy about being bumped back down to #2, and he unsuccessfully petitioned the Ministry of Football to appeal the decision. Since then, a few players have taken sides. Stef Wiekens (DF, Het Vechten Blauw) has been the most vocal, especially since Timmons' decision to bench him during World Cup 36. He has been on the bench ever since and is clearly not happy about it. Gimmel has been talking about setting up the next World Cup team around Wiekens as captain, but right now it's all speculation.

There have also been numerous incidents of hooliganism during the tournament, especially here in Endmile. During the last home match at Revolution Arena in Bloedmeer there was a riot afterwards, causing millions of Marx worth of damage. There have been rumours lately that members of the national Endmile firm, known as The Mile, will be attending the final match in Oliverry in force. The Minister of Football, Markus Doelen, said today, "One can only hope that this does not lead to violence at the match in Oliverry, although history suggests otherwise. Still, we can't let a few hooligans ruin the success and pride that the State team has brought us. We must support our team no matter what."[i]

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[i]On an Endmile Air flight from Endmile to Oliverry, the day before the final matchday.

Dirck: "How did you get these tickets? I know Endmile Air is pretty cheap, but flying us all the way to Oliverry has to be expensive."

Henri: "Don't worry about it. We had some help from our little 'friend'."

Dirck: "What? You mean the State paid for these tickets?"

Henri: "Shut up, you idiot! Do you want the whole world to hear? Christ, we can't tell anyone about that or Markus will get in trouble."

Dirck: "But I don't get it. Why does he want us there? Obviously it's good to send fans to support the team, but sending a firm? Why?"

Henri: "It's all about ratings, Dirck. Even though we have a 100% tax rate, there is still plenty of hard currency exchanging hands, especially in the world of television. Since capitalism is basically outlawed, media has become very lucrative. Lots of advertising and what not, and the propaganda machine is always greasing wheels so they can broadcast whatever they want."

Dirck: "I still don't get it."

Henri: "Let me put it in simple terms for you. We show up, do what we always do, and the press goes wild about 'hooliganism'. I'm pretty sure he has some reporters on the payroll since it always get blown out of proportion. I suspect even Jan Kruis is taking some Marx under the table."

Dirck: "You really think so? I thought he was 'Mr. Integrity' or something like that. Remember when he was kidnapped and tortured? He never talked."

Henri: "Of course he didn't talk. He didn't know anything. He was accused of being a terrorist, not of being on the take from the Minister of Football. Plus, his career would be over if anyone found out. And everyone knows Jan Kruis' career as a journo is more important to him than his life, the bastard."

Dirck: "Bloody journos, I hate 'em all."

Henri: "Well, he's part of the reason we're on our way to Oliverry, although he doesn't know it, so you better learn to love him. But hey, maybe he'll be there and you can give him a nice crack on the skull for all of us."

OOC: Time to start my RPing for the finals. Ad'ihan, who will be scorinating all the matches in Novapsolu, has the call on whether or not this one can start counting for the finals, though I'm writing it either way.

IC:


The Chairman slumped in his chair, having just sent National Team Manager Owen Marx out the door. He stared at the table, his hopes sinking just as fast as the odds of Novapsolan success in the finals, both faster than a setting sun.

“Who does Marx, this fool think he is?” he angrily muttered. The meeting had not gone well. “Amateurs, all of them! He may have been lucky last time, but we will be embarrassed this time, at this rate.”

His brow furrowed, and the frown deepened. “I’m out of ideas, here. Do you have any, guys?”

The Chairman looked around the room, looking at his two assistants, both looking at their notes, seemingly trying to avoid the question. Finally, one of the two spoke up.

“Well, what about replacing him with a Terran, one with international experience?”

“Good thinking, Josef” replied the Chairman, “but one the board will not agree to. They just won’t realize that even though they can be inferior in many ways, these Terrans know this game much better, as they should. So an outsider is right out.”

Next to Josef, the Chairman’s other assistant smiled. He knew this was his chance; the reason he left his old field to join the Chairman’s office.

“Chairman Jeffries, I have something you might be interested in,” he said, rising. “We might not be able to convince the board to bring in an outsider, but what if they don’t know about the outsider?”

The Chairman looked at his quizzically. “Watson, right?”

“Yes, sir. Francis Watson. I transferred over here after deciding not to continue my studies.”

“And what were those studies in?”

“Physiology, sir. Working on the similarities between the base structure of us and the Terrans.”

“Right, then. Tell me more, Watson, we only have a year until the finals.”

For the final time in regular qualifying,

This is the RP cutoff.

Reporter out side of the locker room: "Qazox has Just clinched it's third straight trip to the World Cup in either Ad'ihan or Novapsolu, depending on how the draw goes in a few months. But now Qazox can be numbered amongst the best in the world, althought not an elite team. But earning 4 appearances in 5 Cups shows that the Pheonix are here for the long haul, and only time, talent and luck will tell if they came truly become one of the elite and win a title."

In the locker room:

Rex Hill: "I really hate to say this, but I wish I could take all 15 of you along for the World Cup. But the QSC has told me that the original sqaud is the offically listed team, therefore I have to take them. In 2 years I expect to see most if not all of you competing for the Pheonix on a full-time basis. I do know that for many of the players that are going to the Cup, will be retiring afterwards, so the competition will be open. Thank you all again and good luck in the QFL season."

GOALS:
Qazox:
Darryl Brow (1,2): 23', 50'
Ted Hauenstein (1): 70'

NSWiki for Qualifers: http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Qazox_at_World_Cup_37_Qualifing

PRUXTON PRESS

Prawns nightmare finally over

Prux ended its first foray into the the world of the big fish and got eaten badly. ESF won the final match today 3-0 over our weak Prawns.

Reality check time for the Prux team as prepreations for World Cup 38 qualifers begin soon. There are many questions that need to be addressed on this team. First: Goalkeeping. Herring did a decent job, allowing 30 goals in 14 matches or just under 2 per game; but at times he lost his consentration, and that alone cost the team 3 or 4 wins, that were instead draws.

Under consideration is the offense. 17 goals is not too bad for a newcomer, but being shutout in 4 of the last 5 matches is. The offense that carried the team to a Baptism of Fire title, either ran out of gas or was clearly out-matched on the field.

Xerxes, the head Coach, has dithered on the fence for weeks now as to if he will come back to coach aagain. If he does, serious personnel issues await him. If not, the they will exist for his successor. Overall Prux lost 7 matches, 3 of which could have been draws and 3 or 4 draws could/should have been wins. A couple of tweaks could have turned a 1-6-7 record into a 4-5-4 record.

Prux' Scoring this match:
NONE

Prux' Overall scoring: (17 goals)
007: 8
Pi R. Squared: 3
The Sphinx: 3
Pies R. Round: 2
Italian w/ Hot Peppers: 1

Overall Record so far for Prux:
1 win-6 draws-7 losses 9 points, 8th in group 2 with a -13 goal differental.

Three Kura-Pellandi geologists are seeking political asylum in Candelaria And Marquez, where they have been carrying out field studies since before the recent capitalist revolution.

Gaining asylum is generally expected to be rock hard. However, a Kura-Pellandi legal expert opposing the current government has said that regular migration channels may be an option, the only likely barriers being at the Candelasarian end.

Further complicating proceedings, widespread human rights abuses are now starting to take place in Zyla, according to some reports. Two poets were shot dead outside a library in the small city of Zarkola two days ago; the poets were known for anti-government writings. It is believed their alliance with the Aero City region, despite their geographical location in Atlantian Oceania, is influencing their policies. Some Kura-Pellandi government officials are privately fearing that citizens will seek asylum elsewhere while falsely claiming to be from Zyla.

Seventh and Final Loss. Onto the Cup of Harmony.

Today, the Geese suffered their final loss but atleast scored another goal. With 33 goals for them, 21scored by Okudil, they actually did better than the Baptism of Fire Champions who didn't score a goal in their final loss today and scored only 17 goals. Goals against Uiri were 37. This gives an average of 2.357142857 goals for and 2.642857142 goals against per game. They may not of finished anywhere near 3rd like was originally thought in the first 7 games but they placed higher than their seeding and their world ranking will improve considerably.

Run down of the goals for Uiri:

Rejistania 0 - 1 Uiri, 1 scored by Okudil
Uiri 1 - 3 Sorthern Northland, 1 scored by Okudil
Uiri 4 - 1 Ambrose-Douglas, 3 scored by Okudil, 1 scored by Yonim
Uiri 4 - 3 The Holy Empire, 3 scored by Okudil, 1 scored by Vinopetin
St Samuel 2 - 4 Uiri, 2 scored by Okudil, 1 by Yonim, 1 by Smit
Konora 3 - 2 Uiri, 1 scored by Okudil, 1 by Seropit
Ariddia 4 - 0 Uiri
Uiri 0 - 3 Rejistania
Sorthern Northland 0 - 5 Uiri, 2 scored by Okudil, 1 by Ederat, 1 by Galorinos, 1 by Vinopetin
Ambrose-Douglas 3 - 3 Uiri, 2 scored by Okudil, 1 by Asedum
Holy Empire 4 - 2 Uiri, 1 scored by Okudil, 1 by Vinopetin
Uiri 3 - 5 St Samuel, 2 scored by Okudil, 1 by Ederat
Uiri 3 - 0 Konora, 2 scored by Okudil, 1 by Asedum
Uiri 1 - 6 Ariddia, 1 scored by Okudil

Total:

Okudil - 21
Vinopetin - 3
Asedum - 2
Ederat - 2
Yonim - 2
Smit - 1
Galorinos - 1
Seropit - 1

Amda-Mo: Not the greatest way to end the qualifiers, losing 2-1 to Kansiov.

Lur-Mn: Indeed losing two of our last three qualifiers doesn't give us a lot of momentum going into the proper.

Amda-Mo: And how important is that?

Lur-Mn: It's hard to say. It's not as important as people might make it out to be, but it's not irrelevant either.

Amda-Mo: Does the fact that we were resting most of our older players change things?

Lur-Mn: Not really. Our second string ought to be able to beat Kansiov. Yes there a good side but the result is still disappointing.

Amda-Mo: How would you describe the offense today?

Lur-Mn: Not good. Ip-Gp showed just how critical he was to the team. We looked mostly lost out there and even El-Iot's fine goal that he generated by himself wasn't enough. We've got a lot of talented midfielders, but Ip-Gp is the only true creator. You can bet your bippity someone, I'm guessing Bn-Ct, will be trained into that role.

Amda-Mo: And the defense?

Lur-Mn: Haz-Tp really struggled these past three games. He's still going to be the starter next cup around, but the team will be glad to have Bu-Lv back in goal. Haz-Tp still hasn't adjusted to the bigger stronger players at the international level. Similarly Hi-Kui is a good player when he's a supporting defender, but when he was the main defender he struggled a bit. I'm not worried about it as they'll all have time to grow.

Amda-Mo: Ok then. Looking at the last day of results what are the big suprises?

Lur-Mn: Well Kansiov making the playoffs over Estresse Intenso from our group is one. Oickoida backing there way into the playoffs is another. They lost 4-0 in their final match to a low ranked squad, but both Taeshan and The HURD failed to win allowing them to sneak through. Cafundeu stumbled to cost themselves automatic qualifying and Quakmybush picked up a big win to clinch direct qualification.

Amda-Mo: Let's get your predictions on the playoff matchups.

Lur-Mn: Well let's start with the most anticipated Vilita v Casari as two former champions square off, one of them being a top 10 side. Suprisingly though I'm going to throw my support with Casari. The Casarans have quickly rediscovered some of their past form while the Vilitans have just looked off this cup. Next is Squornshelous v Geisenfried. I think this is a tough one to call. Both teams looked good at times, and less good at others. I think Squornshelous will qualify in a closely contested matchup. Northern Bettia v Rejistania is the other matchup featuring two good squads. However Rejistania seems past their time and I expect them to stumble here just like they did last cup. The one matchup that would seem to be a mismatch is Cafundeu v Kansiov. Cafundeu is a big name, having hosted the last cup, whereas Kansiov is a total newcomer. However they've shown some spark these qualifiers, especially as of late and took down Cafundeu's archrival. Still expect the monopolists to qualify, but not as easily as one might expect. Candelaria And Marquez v. Dance 2 Revolution is an intriguing matchup. Candelaria and Marquez have made huge leaps from last cup to this one and definitely look to be one of the up and coming sides. Dance 2 Revolution is looking to rediscover their old form and after another Cup of Harmony crown, look to get back to the proper. But my money says take the rising nation over the former power. The last match is Sativaville v Oickoidia. Sativaville has to thank their lucky stars they drew this matchup. Against any other team, with the possible exception of Kansiov they'd probably extend their streak of disappointments, but against Oickoidia they'll finally get to experience the proper, where they'll almost certainly pick up no points. But they'll have made it, which is worth something.

Amda-Mo: Unbelievable. That's an unfair draw isn't it?

Lur-Mn: Yes it is. And it certainly points out the problem with the random draw. Even if the expected teams win we'll see teams like Casari, Geisenfried and Northern Bettia left behind with a lowly team like Sativaville making the proper. I really prefer the way we did it when we hosted, but even if you insist on doing it the way they did they could have seeded the draw in some manner. It's a shame that luck paved the way for such a weak team to make the cup.

Amda-Mo: It is. But let's get our minds off of the weak sides and look at the best.

Lur-Mn: Indeed, these teams will be the ones who have a leg up on the earning the trophy.

6. Elves Security Forces

They'd been lurking on the edge of the top six for quite a while and with our stumbles at the end they were able to claw their way in. It wasn't the tour de force we've seen from them in other qualifiers, but they didn't lose a game and didn't do anything to damage their claim of a true cup contender.

5. Errinundera

Like us and the team ranked ahead of them, they had some stumbles at the end. But they had been great through the early stages of the qualifiers and sent definite notice that their 2nd place last cup was no fluke.

4. Zwangzug

After opening with 11 straight wins they slumped to a loss and a draw on match days 12 and 13 to somewhat derail the train. Still they finished with tied for the most points and have to be ecstatic with their performance. Like the portoroos below them they reinforced their performance from last cup.

3. Ariddia

As opposed to the teams below them the champs became stronger as the qualifiers went on winning eight straight heading into the proper, which is not a comforting thought for the rest of the world. Getting hot at a right time and will be oughly tough to dethrone.

2. Bettia

However Bettia is one team who's shown they're capable of doing it, having beaten Ariddia in the finals in world cup 35. Like Ariddia they've won eight in a row and most of them have been in dominating fashion. When they had their rematch with Turori, their one loss these qualifiers, they won 6-0, in Turori no less. Another team that no one can be happy catching fire.

1. Commerce Heights

But the best team in the qualifiers, and also the hottest is definitely Commerce Heights. When they drew with Squornshelous on match day five following a match day two loss to Kiryu-shi it looked like they were going to be in a struggle all qualification. However while the other two teams never really turned it on they hit the boosters all the way. They're on a nine game winning streak and scored a stunning 61 goals. They ended with a +38 goal advantage, which is more than the number of goals scored by all but seven other teams. Just a scary scary side.

Amda-Mo: Those are impressive numbers. And that's a mighty fine list of teams.

Lur-Mn: It is. When you add us is as the seventh I think it's a lock that someone from that group will be seeing the cup. I think the separation is as overwhelming as there's been since Az-cz has been a cup level team.

Amda-Mo: Well we hope everyone enjoys the playoffs and we'll see you back here for the group stage of the cup.

http://img470.imageshack.us/img470/8564/jgnlogohe2.png

Pheonix and Crusaders fend off brave Candelaria And Marquez

Candelaria And Marquez will not displace Qazox and Jeruselem for an automatic finals spot. Despite their brave efforts, in the end veterans showed why they make the finals time after time. It's because they know how to handle the pressure when its needed, something lesser teams need to learn.

Qazox brushed aside Billopesha THREE NIL and took the top spot in Group 4, with the most number of wins and oddly the least number of draws. They had the 2nd best defense and 2nd best offense of the group. The final margin was one point though, as the group was so close.

Jeruselem was under threat should they have lost against Miamoria, but it didn't happen. Kate Dallas and the team steamrolled their opponents FIVE TWO to make sure of their position in the top 2. With two losses to Yafor 2 and a frustrating four draws - they could have topped the group but it was not to be. Jeruselem had a slow start but a few crushing wins at the end of qualification ensured thing were as expected. Jeruselem scored 33 goals to be best scoring team in Group 4.

Candelaria And Marquez impressed with just two losses (both to Jeruselem) but it was the five draws that caused them fall short of taking a top 2 spot by just two points. Yes, they did actually scare the top seeds but a series of draws did not the help the cause. Defensively fantastic conceded 9 goals, but scoring only 16 goals. 16 goals compared to the 27 and 33, is not enough. This was the problem.

Yafor 2 beat Jeruselem twice and you'd think they would be top 2 contenders from that fact. But other teams were more consistent and had better defense. Third best scorer with 21 goals, it wasn't enough to compete with the others as four losses and a whopping 5 draws was not helpful. Sadly, not the performance we wanted to see - C&M did a lot better.

The others - losing 7 to 8 games, put them out. The bottom four were not bad but Kelssek were terrible with 8 goals scored and just two wins. We thought maybe 5th spot for them but last instead. Rastafariburg scored 16 goals, same as C&M but conceded far too many. Most lower teams don't know what defense actually is.

In Group 1, Jeruselem's army team Jeru FC finish 6th - well out of the running. They had a record four wins but also a terrible 7 losses. In fact, they finished 4 points behind The Archregimancy who finished 4th, who had 7 draws!

Good news for Hikfie Dallas, her boyfriend's team Bostopia finished 2nd in Group 3 with 9 wins and just three losses behind ... Tynelia! One point seperated the teams. Vilita finished a shocking 3rd and need get in through the playoffs.

Bettia won Group 6! One loss and a whopping 12 wins. Ariddia won Group 11 with no losses - NONE, 11 wins and 3 draws. They look like champs already.

The HURD (#27) and The Archregimancy (#22) are notable teams who cannot make the finals.

Group 4
Miamoria 2-5 Jeruselem
Qazox 3-0 Billopesha
Candelaria And Marquez 2-1 Yafor 2
Kelssek 0-2 Rastafariburg



Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Qazox 14 9 2 3 27 11 16 29
2 Jeruselem 14 8 4 2 33 12 21 28
3 Candelaria And Marquez 14 7 5 2 16 9 7 26
4 Yafor 2 14 5 5 4 21 14 7 20
5 Miamoria 14 4 3 7 15 26 -11 15
6 Billopesha 14 3 4 7 13 22 -9 13
7 Rastafariburg 14 3 3 8 16 27 -11 12
8 Kelssek 14 2 4 8 8 28 -20 10

St Samuel (3) 2
St John 2, Mazzeranni
Rejistania (0) 2


St Samuel Sports News
St Samuel go down fighting!

The Latin Crusaders needed to beat Rejistania by five goals to gain a playoff spot and the impossible task looked on track at half time as St Samuel led Rejistania 3-0. Prior to the match, manager Louis Della Penzzi announced that it would be his last game as manager of St Samuel and joining him was centre forward legend Dexter St John, who announced that he would be retiring from international football after the Rejistania game.

It was an emotional entrance for Dexter St John as he walked onto the pitch alone as the 80,000 strong crowd roared and applauded the St Samuel legend and his team mates cheered him onto the pitch.

And it was St John who scored the first goal on the 9th minute getting St Samuel an early lead. Mazzeranni scored the second on the 28th minute and the Dexter St John scored his 2nd of the match and his 92nd international goal, to give St Samuel a 3-0 half time lead.

With the Latin Crusaders needing two more goals to go above Rejistania in Group 11, there was now some belief that the impossible could be done. But things weren;t to go St Samuel's way. Rejistania came out strong in the second half, grabbing two goals back in the 64th and 88th minute and with the end scoreline at 3-2, St Samuel lost out on a playoff place to Rejistania on goal difference.

After the match the squad performed a lap of honour with Dexter St John receiving a hero's applause. Louis Della Penzzi was also cheered for his service as manager and many will looked back fondly at his time as the St Samuel manager.

St Samuel Goal Scorers

Mazzeranni 11
St John 8
Sensini 4
Bezzi-Louazza 2
Le Ricco 1
Abellardo 1
De Villion 1
Rock 1

St Samuel Sports News
New Managment Team Announced

The St Samuel Football Association have announced there new management team in a press conference earlier today. Taking the helm as manager is former St Samuel International midfielder and ex-Saint Maria FC manager, Georgi Monte-Cristiano. At the press conference Monte-Cristiano announced that when he was first approached by the SSFA, he requested that his long time friend Yves al Jahdali, ex-Ariddian International veteran, be made his Assitant manager and that al Jahdali had accepted the offer, becoming the first ever foreigner to be apart of the St Samuel management team.

Monte-Cristiano and al Jahdali said that there would be big changes in the Latin Crusaders squad and that many youngsters would be tested in the first team for the up and coming Cup of Harmony.

The Albrecht Herald
Cometh the hour, cometh the Wang
By Tracker Edwards

Almost… Almost. Without fanfare, Mark Baker has guided his team to within two games of announcing Candelaria And Marquez’ debut appearance in the world’s biggest sporting competition. And cor, wasn’t it exciting.

Pundits and columnists will debate until they’re blue in the face as to the social implications for C&M’s achievement, never mind the sporting ones. On a purely football level, the third place finish cannot disguise how much work needs to be done. Baker has a few weeks to turn this side into one capable of overturning the Cup of Harmony holders and condemn them to an attempt to retain their title. The two sides sit thirty-ninth and fortieth in the new rankings, and there is surely nothing to choose between them.

But Dance 2 Revolution can wait, though their crushing home defeat to now qualified Quackmybush has gone far from unnoticed. The last week has been all about the Yaforites and we must yet pick over the bones of this most vital of games. In a ninety-minute microcosm, this was a match that contained every lesson that Baker and his twenty-three must learn fast.

The first is something Baker knows all too well, and that he will take to heart as C&M travel to the World Cup or CoH. At home, in front of more than forty-thousand baying Albrechtines, the Big Blues look nervous, conservative and toothless. Some have blamed the setting, while struggling to find an adequate explanation for that accusation, suggesting that C&M should abandon the de facto national stadium in the capital for an unending tour of the islands’ greatest arenas. For sure; it would be a passing delight to see a side in C&M colours play in front of crowds in Arrigo, or Caires, or Zapata. But those recommending these expeditions miss the simpler picture. This side is just not one built to play at home, to take the game to the opposition. They must learn how to cope when a crowd is roaring them forwards and their opponents show no interest in bossing things themselves.

Such was the problem against Yafor 2, a side no less defensive-minded than our own, and more than willing to camp in their own half of the Millerman Sheppard Stadium. Gerod Flamer’s Golden Wolves knew what they had to do. They needed a win, certainly, but victory in Jeruselem had clearly given them the requisite confidence. A dodgy second-half penalty, or something akin to it, and a 1-0 win would do very nicely indeed.

C&M were skittish from the off. The back four and goalkeeper Reuben Uwakwe can pass the ball about between them ‘till Kingdom come, but the rest of the squad are severely lacking in this regard. Without being harsh; Ben Head’s job is to stand in the way of passes, and muscle the ball off of other players. He is a ball-player, certainly, but so is his midfield partner Speed Wang, a thirty-two year-old who never keeps the ball for more than a couple of seconds if he can help it. O’Sullivan Caras and Jos Cornelisse on the wings are better in this regard, but both are always looking for the next cross or through-ball, respectively. And then there’s the strike partnership; Ignacio Vélez, languidity itself, a sure-shot when he gets the ball but this is but a smattering of times a game.

And Steven Fritz. Tom McIndoe and Lloyd Donnelly were among those in television studios questioning the reintroduction to the starting XI of a player with thirteen international goals to him name. “A truly bizarre choice,” the latter called it; pointing to Yasser Zaghloul, a player that can always be counted upon to clump about impotently in the box, sitting back on the bench. But Baker, and I cannot quite believe that as a newspaper columnist I can afford to say this, knows what he’s doing. Fritz and Vélez may be a make-shift and far from perfect partnership, but here Baker got it right. His is an extremely stable line-up, but he must learn not to be afraid to make drastic changes as circumstances – and not merely injuries or suspensions – call for it.

Fritz, despite his venerable age, was all running; harassing the Yaforite defence for his eighty minutes on the pitch. What he lacks is his old change of pace, and in truth he never had the playing intelligence to give him the extra yard needed to break past defences. When he and Vélez click however, the elderly warhorse doesn’t need it; such is the deadly nature of the MarquezOW man’s finishing. After nearly half an hour of increasing tedium, as C&M struggled manfully to Thia Boley, Lhatis Riegan et al, the pair finally combined to give the home side the vital goal; a hopeful punt from Damien Sono coming to Caras, who drew away Agorala'an Nivor and slipped the ball to Fritz. The Little Legend played an exquisite dink to the onrushing Vélez; who used all his strength to squeeze past Thian Maelor, draw forward ‘keeper Imon Juile, and slip the ball into the empty net.

If nothing else, C&M know how to hold onto a one goal lead. But Yafor 2 is an experienced country and this particular set of players are no mugs. They began, steadily but surely, to crawl farther and farther forwards and the Big Blues could find no answer. A shift in formation and players at half-time looked increasingly likely to outfox the leaders, and Zyante Meleherat and young Tyrius Valderran began to pepper Uwakwe’s goal with shots.

Moments after Caras missed a glorious opportunity to put the game beyond the visitors, Meleherat’s efforts finally paid off. The striker picked up the ball from Mosada Juhan a little way beyond the half-way line, stormed forward past Sam Young’s desperate challenge, and let fly from twenty yards. Uwakwe made a memorable stab at it, but the equaliser nestled into the top left-hand corner.

The Wolves had their tails up, and suddenly C&M’s midfield looked in tatters. Wang seemed putty in Prince Sebard’s hands and after thirteen masterful performances; Head was showing his top-level inexperience. So of course, it would come to these two to bail out of trouble; Fritz starting the move by passing back to Cornelisse. The left-winger in turn found Head, who played an instant one-two with Wang. Head thought for an instant about cracking one in himself, but instead waited his chance. Wang went on a mazy run past Boley and Nivor, jumped highest to reach Head’s ball in, and for quite possibly the first time in his career; scored a header.

The delicate balloon that was Yafor 2 deflated instantly. The traditional strains of “You’re not singing any more” sounded out around the MSS. And Baker’s boys allowed themselves to dream of Dance 2 Revolution… and Adi’han.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Candelaria And Marquez.png Candelaria And Marquez 2
Vélez 31, Wang 79

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/yafor 2.png Yafor 2 1
Meleherat 60

C&M Minister for Asylum and Immigration Mortan Chibueze claimed on the TTO network’s Evening News show last night that his ministry would appeal any decision by the courts in favour of granting political asylum to three Kura-Pellandi geologists.

He told co-anchor Jenny Koçgündüz that the trio were “clearly highly skilled in PR to get the local press in Zapata [the largest city on Green Island] to rally to their cause.” He continued, “We’re not talking about refugees from Zaire, or anything. These aren’t the ‘poor and huddled masses’… Obviously there are concerns over the political situation in their homeland, but frankly there’s no reason for them to come here with a begging bowl.”

Mr Chibueze, the first politician of wholly black African origin to hold a cabinet-level position in the Republic, added that; “We’re monitoring the situation over there closely, and if things change rapidly so will their situation.” He later admitted however, that the three could yet apply for a standard, re-commissionable, five-month work visa; with Albrecht University’s Mathieu’s College believed to be prepared to apply on their behalf.

Speaking later on on the programme; Mr Chibueze’s counterpart in the Social Democratic & Green Party, Christi Morgan-Spencer, said that his stance was “disappointingly unsurprising”. She explained that the comments “Were indicative of the rapid u-turn in this government’s policy on immigration. When they came to power, a key tenet of their manifesto was to totally shake-up the policies of the previous Israel Clark administration by ending the policy of scouring the developing world for teachers, doctors and nurses; and to start to re-allow into the islands a steady stream of the most needy. But we’ve all seen the endless reports in the right-wing press on how we’re not getting through the skilled workers – not even the plumbers and leccies and such forth – and instead being ‘swamped’ by a stream of uneducated, third-world refugees. It’s clear that the Home Office [a general term for the primary domestic ministries] has woken up to the fact that their much-vaunted bills to revitalise tertiary education in C&M have failed, and they’re doing what they always do under pressure: Pally up with the right-wing media.”

She also laid criticism on those parts of the press giving heavy attention to the Kura-Pellandi three; saying, “With all respect to these guys, and clearly we have a duty of care towards them, I do wonder whether they’d be getting this much press if they were a couple of black subsistence farmers from a country we’ve never heard of. It’s obvious that the press and government are choosing to make an example of these three, but there are plenty more who need our help, and we’re ignoring our humanitarian responsibility in ignoring them.”

C&M’s ruling Unionist Party came in for more criticism on the state TV1 network, where Sadie Baron, vice-chair of the Candelarias Human Rights Watch, claimed that the islands’ government were “attempting to get on side with the new Kura-Pellandi government”, and that the move was “merely a PR offensive itself to appear warm towards a country we have modest socio-cultural, and more to the point, economic interests in.”

In the debate on the stations LateTalk programme; the government’s stance was defended by Raymond Chytry who said that “C&M has always had a foreign policy of friendly dealings with countries whose governments reflect the will of the people. The new Kura-Pellandi government was democratically elected, partially in response to a major terrorist atrocity I might add, and it’s our duty to support them. Certainly, CAMOTS [the national overseas trade service] have realised, at long last, that in a competitive market place we cannot rely on our traditional Rushmori trading partners forever. Atlantian Oceania is a highly important pie that we need to get our fingers in, and Kura-Pelland’s as good a place as any in which to do it. I feel for these three individuals who clearly have concerns that should be heard, but that’d no reason to hand out the benefits of Candelariasian citizenship carte blanche.”

The issue took a vaguely interesting twist early this morning when it was confirmed that the one female member of the group was four months pregnant. Children born, or found abandoned, on Candelariasian soil or waters automatically have the right of citizenship.

Maeda: What the hell happened?!?!
Melex: I...
Maeda: I don't want to hear your excuses! Following the Cup of Harmony win...we had a contract! Why hasn't anything aired?!
Melex: Production conflicts.
Maeda: Production conflicts?
Melex: We couldn't fit it in.
Maeda: And you're telling me this *now*? The RFA have half a mind to sue Channel 57 for breach of contract.
Melex: W..w...well, we can fit in the matches from now on, the Price is Right's series has just finished to free up enough slots.
Maeda: Yes, but we're playing *Candelaria and Marquez*. If the first broadcast is the last, this isnt going to show Dance 2 Revolutionary football in a very good light. Channel 57 win finish World Cup 37...as if you ever started it...but when the contract finishes, we'll be moving on...

---

Dance 2 Revolution Sporting News

Sergei Yasu, A representative for the Revolutionarian Football Assosciation, has released a statement about the state of Dance 2 Revolution football:

"The RFA were ecstatic with the Cup of Harmony win, and are pleased with Darren Ferriol's performance so far in World Cup 37. He has exceeded our expectations, and we are currently in talks with him for a contract lasting through World Cup 38. There have been a lot of difficulties with the televisual contract and situation with Channel 57*, and for this the RFA apologise. We are currently organising television rights for other football events with two other stations, and those arrangements will be disclosed closer to the time.

"We have also begun building stadia in the capital of Onia, The Paranoic Regions, The City of MAX and Genomsascraem (based on The Revolutionarian Islands). These stadia, we have been assured, will be ready for the World Cup 38 Qualifying campaign."

*OOC: Apologies for not RPing, I'm terribly lucky to be still in the cup. Even if I was RPing consistently, Candaleria and Marquez would be a worrying draw anyway. I'll have to ride my luck...

The locker room following the slim victory was an uncomfortably comfortable place from Coach Mcgimpy's perspective. His team seemed complacent, unwilling to put in the extra effort he'd striven to develop.

"All right, folks," he said. "Listen up. About the only thing you did well today was control Calrissian-that guy looked dangerous, and you marked him well. Hammers, Barnes, good work there. The rest of you. Stings, you cannot count on getting opportunities like that: that was a dubious call on Brady's handball."

"Next time," Andrew stage-whispered, "go for the tie."

Mcgimpy scowled. "The concept of "resting up" for the proper should not be taken literally. Hanson?"

"What?" the tall defender drawled.

"Did you hear what I just said?"

"Nah."

With a sigh, the coach went on. "We're heading off to Sorthern Northland, if the arrangements work out. Seven, you back there."

Natalie jerked wildly, eyes snapping forward. Often distracted or daydreaming, her twitches back to reality never ceased to amuse her teammates.

"You're starting at right-back. Let's see if we can't shake things up a little. Lauren, I want you in for Nexus..."

Relieved of preparing with as much intensity for the next game, Timothy zoned out. It wasn't long before he could find himself at a computer and note the product of unnamed Vephrese number crunchers. Would they actually be first seeds?

It was difficult to believe. To be fair, so was his career with the team.

Bostopia has for the second time qualified for the World Cup, bouyed on by victories over Vilita and Tynelia. The momentous achievement was the first time Bostopia had ever qualified automatically, last time going through the playoff round with a victory over Northern Bettia in the Bostopia Stadium.

However, not many Bostopians got to see the final games, after the entire communications network in Bostopia was paralysed by a massive electrical storm earlier this week. While engineers worked almost round the clock in an attempt to fix the problem, power supplies were only restored to the last areas of Bostopia still without it on Wednesday. This enabled Bostopia Telecoms engineers to work flat out in getting communications back to full speed, and this was completed earlier on.

Street parties were hastily arranged when news of qualification came through, and are still ongoing.

(ooc: in other words, my motherboard died and I just bought a laptop earlier today!)

The Beningrad Morning Star

Sortherners in three wins in a row shock

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/alasdair_i_frosticus.png 2-3 http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/sorthern_northland.png

Sorthern Northland today caused a shock by winning a third game in a row, this time it was away to The Holy Empire, who were looking for a win to confirm that they would be part of the World Cup finals. However with results elsewhere going their way, they're place at the world cup finals has been confirmed.

The game itself was very much even with two golden oldies for both sides playing a key role. The Sortherners seemed to be in awe of The Holy Empire's Juan Tzimisces, standing off him and allowing him time and space to expertly feed the ball around the pitch. Meanwhile for Sorthern Northland an early injury to Ben O'Bagels meant that Feng Shui played much of the match and was for the most part at the heart of the Sortherners play.

The scoring was opened after thirty-six minutes by the Holy Empire. A clever pass by Andronicus Comneno sent Photius Orphanotropho down the right wing. Orphanotropho sent in a lofted cross to the far post where the onrushing Juan Tzimisces was on hand to head home to put the Empire into the lead.

Sorthern Northland drew level ten minutes later in stoppage time. With the officials not having announced that any time would be added on the Empire's team were furious that the goal had been given. A long kick by Palmer found the feet of Feng Shui who then raced then the left before cutting back to just inside the box. His cross-come-shot looped over Andrew Dalassano in the Empire goal and bounced off the joint of the post and crossbar and appeared to cross the line, although an Empire did clear it although only as far as Kim Min-Kim whose shot defiantly went in. The goal though was awarded to Feng Shui.

Just two minutes after the restart Feng Shui struck again to put the Sortherners into the lead. A quick one-two with Xeng Xung put Feng one on one with the keeper. Feng then rounded the keeper and slotted the ball home.

The Holy Empire weren't going to roll over and die however and in the next ten minutes absolutely bombarded the SN goal. Juan Tzimisces was again at the heart of the goal, receiving the ball inside his own half he took on three SN defenders before chipping it into the box for Basil Synadenuso to score.

Both sides then had chance to put the game to bed but both sides squnaderd them. In the final few minutes Sorthern Northland finished the game off after a wonderful long range effort from Feng Shui for his hat-trick.

The Holy Empire will know go onto the World Cup finals and Sorthern Northland although happy with how they finished the qualifying campaign will be disappointed not to have finished higher than sixth. Sorthern Northland though are thought to have arranged a number of friendlies and the SNFA will be confirming who these are against soon.

Lyndon Hernández, Candelaria And Marquez Minister for Rational Thought, squirmed in his office swivelly chair in an effort to get a better angle on the laptop newly plonked down in front him. A grossly pixelated feed from Az-cz ran the length and breadth of the screen.

“…ing matchup. Candelaria and Marquez have made huge leaps from last cup to this one and definitely look to be one of the up and coming sides. Dance 2 Revolution is looking to rediscover their old form and after another Cup of Harmony crown, look to get back to the proper. But my money says take the rising nation over the former power.” Hernández grimaced.

“I thought you’d probably want to see this as soon as we’d got it,” the minister’s principal private secretary explained in defence of the picture quality. He leaned over Lyndon’s shoulder and hit the stop button. This was an event in and of itself. You could throw a stone in the Home Office and hit a pale, lanky, earnest young fellow. The lower-upper echelons of the Unionist Party appeared to attract them in their droves. But Daniel Martino raised paleness and lankidity to a high art. Bending down to reach anyone else’s seated height took considerable logistical effort.

“Yeah thanks, Dan. Did TV1 pick this up as well?”

“Mm. I took the liberty of putting out a silencing order. The independents haven’t got it yet by the looks of it, but I’ll make sure Sally puts the lean on them.”

“Good-o. Probably not a good idea to let the proles see the Gnomes bigging us up, so to speak. People might get the wrong idea. Keep me in informed if there are any… difficulties, in persuading TTO to do things our way. And get it off TheeTelly the moment it appears.”

“Sure.” Daniel scooped up the laptop and stood up. And watched with interest as middle-aged-approaching-pensioner-status man in a duffle coat opened the office door and glided drippily into the room.

Hernández, ever so slightly taken aback, popped to his feet. “Aah, Mark,” he said greasily towards the Coach of the C&M national football team. “Who told you this was my office? Do, uh, do come in…”

Mark Baker needed no invitation, hanging up his drenched outer garment and taking a seat, of sorts, by leaning jauntily on the far wall. “Cleaning lady, I think she was. Plump woman, bad teeth.”

“Geraldine. I must have a word with her.” Hernández grimaced to himself. There’s a man who looks overly confident for someone utterly under my thumb, he thought. Out loud, he directed Daniel to leave the room for a moment, before turning back to Baker as the door shut behind his assistant.

“So… Excellent result, by the way Mark. Against those Yaforites. I know you’ve got a, whaddayacallit, play-off still to come, but… Bit of luck, and we should be all off t’Ad’ihan, no?”

“Quite possibly. But I’m not going to do it any more, Lyndon.”

“The job?”

“You know what I mean. Keep quiet. I’ve tried it for a few months, and it doesn’t work. If we actually make this World Cup, it’s fifty-fifty we'll be playing in a country of non-humans. Sod’s law demands we’ll get Az-cz, or ESF, or the Holy Empire, or God knows who. The people are going to see all this weirdness of their TV sets every day. You know as well as I do, we can’t hide this.”

Hernández turned his back on Baker and wandered over to the window looking out over a small courtyard. He was fond of this move. He felt it looked enigmatic. “Mark… Nothing’s changed since the last time we spoke. It’s not your decision to make. You know,” he added, sighing, “I’d have hoped you of all people would see things my way. I know you lost a sister in Gordon Bay.”

Baker paused momentarily. “I wasn’t aware you knew that.”

“I’m in government, Mark. There’s very little we don’t know. I’d just hoped not to bring it up. I didn’t want to make our little tiff personal.”

“You threatened to tell the papers about my affair…”

“It’s hardly in the same league, Mark. This is family, we’re talking about. I’m sure young William represented merely a brief lapse in judgement. Although,” he added, a couple of octaves further along the ‘threatening’ scale, “No doubt there are individuals you’d still rather didn’t find out…”

Baker shrugged. Hernández allowed himself to frown. For the second time, he’d played the only trump card he held over the coach. This time, it didn’t seem to be working. Without any real evidence to suggest it, Hernández felt as though the balance of power was starting to shift.

“If you mean Lizzie… She’s known all about it for years. It’d be embarrassing to get out, sure, but I can’t do no wrong right now as far as the press are concerned. Even if we don’t squeak past D2R. Did you know a recent poll said that the C&M national team was the second most popular cultural icon in the country today, behind only that drumming gorilla?”

“I didn’t… No.”

“It’s just me boys, y’know? Not the players, I mean my sons. They’re all grown up now, o’course, but… ten or forty, lads always take a lot from what their father gets up to. Don’t you think, Lyndon?”

Hernández mentally knocked over his King. “I… don’t know. Really.”

“I think so.” Baker’s face and voice remained the same as he meandered up to the minister’s desk. Hernández remained frozen by the window. “Of course, we didn’t find that out until we had that game in Jeruselem. Pity about the defeat, cost us automatic qualification. But say what you like about them over there; they do have a wonderfully free internet.”

“I suppose they would…”

“Yes. So, Lyndon, what do you think it’ll do for your political career when everyone finds out that your dad was a pretty big player in the ol’ National Eugenics Council? And that you kept it silent. That your party managed to give it on the hush-hush? I can imagine it wouldn’t have gone down well when you were running for city council in El din, eh? Especially you being a Spanish-speaker. One of their own. Imagine a cabinet-level minister whose dad spent a career removing the wombs from healthy teenagers…”

Hernández turned his back on him again. “No-one would print it,” he protested quietly.

Baker scoffed. “God, do you know how old I am? I’ve been in football management for a couple of decades, nearly. At least that, with all this time dilation stuff going on. I’ve got plenty of friends in the football press who’d die to get a story like this. Imagine perky young Keenan Bailey putting the nail in your political coffin? Or old Tracker Edwards?”

The minister shook his head. “People don’t believe in all this ‘sins of the father’ stuff.”

“They’d believe in you lying to them for more than a decade.”

“Yeah… well…” Hernández seemed pained. “I had to, didn’t I? People just… people don’t understand. Sometimes we have to do things that seem unfortunate. They have to be done. I mean, God… Dad was just a kid himself, y’know? Barely out of medical school. He thought he was helping… he was helping. God! People have no idea what a state the backwaters of Marquez were like back then. Bugger the virgin birth; you found a girl who wasn’t up the duff with an illegitimate child, now that was a miracle. And it was usually her uncle’s, or something! The mid-eastern Hispanics were becoming the Candelarias’ dirty little inbred secret. They had to do something! Sterilising a few of the more… difficult kids. The sluts and the inbreds and the genetically stupid. And look at us now! Kids in the little aldeas get better test results in school than kids in Albrecht, or Allemali! If nobody had kicked up a fuss, people wouldn’t even know now! And we’d have been the better for it, frankly…” He paused, aware that he was rambling, and smiled awkwardly. “All that probably wouldn’t go down very well either, would it?”

“Not now that I’ve got it on m’mobile, Lyndon, no.”

“Yeah. I thought you had.” He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. “It still doesn’t change much, Baker. I can’t let you go spouting your mouth off. About anything.”

“I know. I don’t intend to. I wouldn’t risk it in either case; you seem like the sort of man who’d be more than happy to see the team jet nosedive into the sea on the trip to Dance 2 Revolution.”

Hernández looked genuinely shocked. “No! Come on, I’d never…”

“If it comes up, I’ll mention gnomes, or elves, or the Dreamed Realm, or whatever. But I’m not going to make a big song and dance about it. I’m not a politician, and I can’t be arsed to be a whistleblower. I’m too old for all that malarkey.”

“Well… good.” Hernández had long since given up trying to direct the course of the conversation. “So… what is it you’re actually doing here, in that case, Mr Baker?”

“It’s just… I’ve got really quite a lot of little grandchildren now. More on the way, as well. Have you any idea of the tax rate your government’s introduced? Never mind for the wealthiest two per cent! It’s crippling me.”

“You want a bribe for staying quiet?”

“The terminology’s a bit crude, isn’t it? A bonus. I’d rather not have to entrust the wee ones to the state education system. Maybe even get them sent abroad. My private account, yes? I’m sure you can think of a suitable amount. Tax deductible, of course.”

“Of course…” Hernández muttered weakly.

“Good! Well, I’ve really got to get a shifty on, H. Meeting one of my scouts at the airport, in from Novapsolu. One doesn’t want to hedge one’s bets, but it doesn’t hurt to plan ahead, does it..?”

From the other side of the office door, Daniel Martino heard Mark Baker’s footsteps walking calmly towards the exit; and pealed his head away, brushing back down the hair over his sharply pointed ears. He nodded politely to the Coach as Baker opened the door and strutted off down the corridor; before Daniel swept back into the room. Hernández was at the window again, fiddling nervously with his fingers. He didn’t turn round.

“Dan… Drop an e-mail over to Culture, Media and Sport, will you? See if they can’t put a, let’s say, seven second delay on PINA broadcasts. And siphon off a couple of nameless goons from the Department for Sport. Twenty-four hours a day, I want someone watching for any reports on Az-cz, or the ESF, or Starblaydia, or anywhere remotely controversial. And make sure there are some pre-recorded reports that can be shown in their stead. We’re going to have to up our ante, I think.”

Behind Lyndon’s back, the elf grinned. He did so enjoy a loosing battle. “Of course sir,” he told the minister.

The Beningrad Morning Star

Three friendly dates confirmed.

The SNFA has today confirmed that they will be hosting a number of friendlies between the end of World Cup qualifying and the start of the World Cup finals, nation visiting Beningrad for a friendly at the moment are Zwangzug, Cafundeu and Jeruselem. Sorthern Northland's small number of paranoid, middle-class, conservative mothers have already starting campaigning about Jeruselem and the Dallas family being allowed into the country. All those taking part in the campaign have been sectioned under the Sorthern Northland Mental Health Act 1986.

The SNFA ha also said that the country may be hosting a couple more friendlies as well.

After falling out in 5th place, the Imperial Team has put under consideration the tenure for Head Coach Cha Beomgeun. At the moment, the disappointing exit has left a number of fans questioning the unusual silence accompanying the exit, despite a well-furnished entrance campaign, including an impressive off-season. When questioned concerning the Cup of Harmony, Imperial officials were skeptical, saying "we're not certain if the Empire should be fielding a team at this point, but we'll keep it in close thought."

The careers for Yi Hyori and Jo Myeongae remains certain, and it is widely expected that they will return for the job come the next qualification tour.

The crowd was rolling as they left the arena. A playoff was much more than any of them could have expected, and Vilita was an opponent worthy of the old days, when Casari was a world power. Then again, it's hard to say they weren't a world power now, considering.

The two-legged playoff was odd. Nobody asked why it was played like that, but playing two games to settle a fixture on total goals could have only come about in soccer.

The home team, naturally, wants to end it early with a strong win in the first leg. The away team has a lot more options- as long as they're confident they can make up and deficit at home, of course.

---

"Wait, what?" Silvia said, blinking.

"I said I think we should give one up early." Pan replied.

"Why on earth would you suggest something that stupid?"

"Then they'll lay off just a bit, give us more room to work. We're not expected to win anyway."

Mike blinked. "That sounds marginally sane. If they lay off, we'll have a bit more room to work."

"Unless they just press the advantage, and then we're screwed that much more." Silvia retorted.

"No one said it's not risky, we just said that it's a strategy." Pan said.

"Wait, who's we? This is your crackpot plan." Mike replied.

"Fine, it's my plan. Either way, it's something to think about.

"I prefer my own plan." Silvia said.

"What is that?"

"Just killing them from the outset and going home with 4 or 5 goals." Silvia said. "Doesn't that make much more sense?"

http://img470.imageshack.us/img470/8564/jgnlogohe2.png

Dazzi proves major hit with gamers

Jeruselem gamers have voted with their wallets as mostly male and some female gamers walked out with Dazza's Holiday game out of all shops. Dazzi, who is modelled originally on Dazza Dallas and now Kate Dallas, is Jeruselem's number fictional character. The first game to feature the Ninja Girl is an unholy mix of graphic violence and adult themes - a reflection on the games now popular with Jeruselem gamers.

In the past, most people though of these type of games as totally unnecessary and not desired by their kids, but things have changed. With Dazza Dallas coming on the football scene, the new generation of children have grow up with new ideas - rejecting the old conservatism which controlled the society of the past. Born from the popular Dazzi comics, the first person shooter is not something new but it is Jeruselem's first home grown cult computer game.

The basic plot revolves around Dazzi having a nice holiday from killing monsters in a paradise but the place gets overrun by genetic mutants created by power hungry scientist to take over the island. Unlike many Anime games, Dazzi is not limited to swinging a sword. If it's got wings, wheels or blows things to bits, she can use it. Dazzi can even turn humble DVDs into throwing stars with a little effort. Dazzi doesn't have these skills automatically but the game allows her to train with the army to get her hands on the latest killing devices.

It was reported a lot of army equipment in this game was based on Jeruselem's arsenal. That is a scary thought. We aren't sure but phosphur grenades aren't legal but if they exist, we won't be surprised.

Kate's sister Jacinta Dallas showed us what the game is all about. We saw Dazzi drive a bus at tank, get on the bus's roof, jump on the tank, shoot everyone in the tank and take over the tank - and then running over a crowds of mutants. Pretty bloody but she's a pretty talented woman who you want to be on your side.

The controversial side of the game is the adult content. There's plenty of non-player characters who won't cooperate with you but most West Morianians are generally cooperative apart from the ones siding with bad guys. Dazzi's other talent is ... well the same as Dazza Dallas's. She can get stubborn men to tell her what she wants after a bit a persuasion in the bedroom or indecent exposure. No, it's not censored either.

Another strange part of this game you can walk into shop and change Dazzi's costume. If you are sick of the skimpy Dazzi Ninja dress, you can buy from clothes shops - any sort of clothes you like. Jacinta Dallas liked the playboy bunny suit for some reason. It was quite weird seeing Dazzi the Playboy Bunny hacking her way through mutants. You can even dress Dazzi in a genuine World Cup football strip. Keen footballers should try out the "footballs of death" devices Dazzi can create.

There's a weird hack with this game, hidden French voice dialog. Yes, you can play this game all in French.

Dazzi might not be fictional character either, we think she's the Dazza and Kate Dallas hybrid. The female charm of Dazza and reported lethal Ninjitsu skills of Kate Dallas.

Another thing to watch for is you can pickup a dopey looking army girl called Hikfie as a companion. Yes very stupid but handy all the same. We wonder if she's based on the real one. Hikfie is totally obedient and watches your back.

We showed the game to some martial arts gurus in Jeruselem and they were quite amazed at the modelling. They said the killing moves were highly realistic and wouldn't like get on the wrong side of Dazzi.

The game soundtrack is pretty good too although one of the tracks sounds like Dazza Dallas in the shower.

This game is not for young children, we repeat NOT FOR CHILDREN although it was disturbing Kate's younger sister Jacinta was disturbed by the game but then she is a Dallas. This game is recommended for the fans of our princess.

Playoff Leg 1 RP cutoff is... now!

A hefty metallic bang rang out over a shipyard somewhere in Rejistania, followed by another, and another.

Eventually, the banging stopped, and the door to a shipping container swung open. Out stepped a large group of swarthy-looking thugs, all decked in the feared black and amber of Northern Bettia. In their wisdom, the Rejistanian FA had decided not to issue tickets to away fans for the return leg of their play-off... but since when did a minor detail like that stop a bunch of hardened hooligans determined to cause a spot of bother?

"Oh, thank fuck for that" one of the Gogs said, stretching his poor aching back. "'ere, Biffer. I thought you said this 'ere thing'd be comfortable. Honestly, it were like sitting in a solid steel box for hours on end."

"Erm... we were sitting in a solid steel box for hours on end." his friend Twatter replied. "And o' course I was gonna say it were comfy - 'ow else would I get you lot to go in?"

"Hey. Would you two ladies stop bickering and show me where the bogs are? I'm bustin' for a slash here." one particularly burly fellow asked, yawning and scratching the stubble on his Chelsea Smile. He went by the name of Kitty-Cat, due to his penchant for eating cat food (he was particularly fond of the tuna variety). Even when compared to the average Gog, he was so primitive-looking, his knuckles were practically dragging on the floor.

"Oh, just go in the sea Kitty-Cat. Everyone else does." Twatter said, looking at the rest of the invading hordes as they emerged from the darkness. "Right lads, we all here?"

A few gutteral, sleepy grunts rose out from the group, which he took to mean Yes.

"All tooled up?" he asked, pulling his favourite rhinestone-encrusted knuckledusters out of his pocket and slipping them on his hands. The others followed suit, producing all manner of concealed weapons - wrenches, switchblades, coshes, hammers... a dazzling array of tools that seemed to have 'Grevious Bodily Harm' written all over them.

"Right then - next stop, the stadium!"

Twatter stopped and looked around.

Biffer walked up to him and said "The stadium, eh? Well, I'm fucked if I can see one."

"Oh, it's bound to be round here somewhere." Eventually, he spotted a lorry being parked a few hundred yards away. The driver got up and walked away without locking the door - it was ripe for the picking.

"Heh. There's our ride lads. C'mon!"


Fixtures / Results

MD..OPPONENT...............VENUE...RESULT
Qualifying Playoffs

P1: Rejistania.............HOME....W 2-1
P2: Rejistania.............Away....
Qualifying Group 7
[FONT=Courier New]
01: Minilla Island.........HOME....W 6-1
02: Zwangzug...............HOME....L 1-3
03: Central Prestonia......Away....W 3-0
04: Aurendia...............Away....W 3-2
05: Vuam & Isma............HOME....W 5-3
06: Bazalonia..............Away....L 2-4
07: Kristovenia............HOME....W 3-2
08: Minilla Island.........Away....L 3-4
09: Zwangzug...............Away....L 0-2
10: Central Prestonia......HOME....W 3-0
11: Aurendia...............HOME....W 3-0
12: Vuam & Isma............Away....L 1-3
13: Bazalonia..............HOME....W 2-1
14: Kristovenia............Away....L 0-1

What the Papers Say

In the space of a matter of weeks; the mood of the football-supporting public and press in Candelaria And Marquez has moved from one of high excitement to despondency. While the Albrecht Mercury and Bove National Reporter attempt to put a jolly spin on things with Viva la Revolution! headlines; few make an effort to describe a dire match and disappointing defeat as anything but. Though impressions of the Dance 2 Revolution performance vary from “instantly reminiscent of their finest efforts of World Cups past” (the Mercury) to “utterly uninspiring” (the Albrecht Herald); few argue that their own team were anything other than poor.

The “distressing spectacle” (Daily News) of Steven Fritz and Speed Wang attempting to compete against the athletic Cup of Harmony holders comes in for much comment, with many, including Tracker Edwards in the Herald intimating that against this standard of opposition “their minds may be as capable as ever, but it would not be precipitous to suggest that their physicality has finally given out on them”. His respected colleague Simeon Barness says much the same thing, but in even more impenetrable language.

The Daily News on the other hand seem positively buoyant despite the team’s defeat; as the result sends C&M closer to the paper’s goal of seeing the national side compete again in the Cup of Harmony. Writer Wilson Rhodes explains that, “With a summer COH and Justantina Cup to come; C&M have a realistic chance of winning something: A statement that could never be made were we competing in a premature full World Cup.” All this appears to run counter to the feelings of the dedicated News and Opinion sections of the paper, who see World Cup qualification and subsequent utter failure as vital towards their personal aim of seeing the unhealthy influence that is international football diminish in importance in the people’s affections.

The Candelariasian and El Periodico del Arrigo are among the papers to mention coach Mark Baker’s oddly upbeat post-match press conference; in which the fifty-nine year-old, while admitting that coming back from an away goal down represented the country’s biggest sporting challenge of his tenure, seemed remarkably positive when discussing his long term future and that of the players.

Certainly there are changes afoot; Baker confirming that Fritz would once again return to the bench, though this time it would herald the addition of Mamdooh Momtaz to the midfield in a 4-5-1. Though this would seem to be an improbably defensive move for a side requiring at least two goals over the course of the game; it is countered somewhat by the presence of Walter Jordan at right-back, in for Damien Sono.

From the Rushmore Sports Daily’s Brian Kennedy Column

Silvia HIll walked casually away from the practice field towards her car, digging around in her pockets for her keys. "Damn, where'd you go?" Finding them, she pulled them out and looked up to see a man in a suit leaning against a nice looking car next to hers. "Damn, you sports agents never quit."

"It'd help if I was a sports agent." The man said, standing up. "Roy Allen, President of the CSA." He said, holding out his hand.

"No. No. No. Fuck you, No." She said, unlocking her car.

"What, I didn't even ask you anything."

"No, I'm not playing, No, I won't manage, No, I don't want a career in soccer, Fuck you, No. Does that answer your bloody questions?"

"You obviously like it, why don't you want to play? You could be on the National Team for twenty years."

"Yes, I like to play. But I've seen the overwhelming excess of crap my mom went through in that same position. I don't want any part of it."

"Then you won't." He said. "Well organize the management to whatever style you want. If you want to show up 30 minutes before the game, change, and play, that's fine. But you have to be on the team."

"Why not go to the others?"

"Because you're the star. And the team will need a star. Daughter of the Great Vivica Hill, striker, scored a hat trick on her international debut, refused to sign with 70 different domestic clubs."

"I'm not in it for that."

"What will you do, sit and work in a lab with a stupid chemistry degree?"

"That's the plan."

"Change the plan. Start an amateur team for all we care, if you're so up tight about it. But you're too good to waste."

"Waste?"

"Yes.'" Silvia turned to get in her car and slammed the door.

"Damnit! I always get talked into this shit."

"So that means?" Allen said hopefully.

"Fine. You want to talk, let's talk."

Apologies for the delay in scores today, for what it's worth, on behalf of Novapsolu, this is the RP cutoff for playoff leg 2 (not that it would make a difference anyway).

And the Scores (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13098507&postcount=23) for the Playoff Leg 2

The Beningrad Morning Star

Kevin Hugh set for reality TV and chat show carer.

The SNFA have today confirmed what will go down as the least unexpected news in Sorthern Northland's young history. With national team manager, Kevin Hugh's contract to expire soon it the SNFA will not be renewing.

An SNFA spokesman said, "Following eight years of service we have decided that it is time for a new manager to be brought in for the national team. This decision was made due to the less than satisfactory performance in world cup qualifying, and after a number of players confirmed that they had lost confidence in the manager. We can also confirm that Corcaigh FC manager Kevaughn Ó Criomhthain will be taking control of both the full team and the U21 team shortly.

Speaking after the news came out Kevin Hugh said "I had spoken to the SNFA and had expressed my disappointment at the performance in world cup qualifying and I agree with them that it was time for me to depart. The fans and the players had lost confidence in me and I apologise for our nations poop performance in qualifying and would like to wish Kevaughn Ó Criomhthain and the players the best of luck in qualifying for the next world cup."

The highlight and lowlights (football wise) of Hugh's carer as Sorthern Northland manager probably both came against Ariddia in World Cup 37 qualifying. The Sortherners got a respectable 4-4 draw against the world champions in Ariddia but a poor performance in Beningrad saw the team lose 3-8. That defeat spelt the end for Hugh as the players lost all confidence in him and started ignoring his instructions. A personnel low point outside of football would have been during the Baptism of Fire tournament when police found Hugh at the top of a tall skyscraper seemingly about to jump. Hugh has always denied he was contemplating suicide saying he had simply got lost on his way to the shop.

"Frendle??" Phillip asked again. "But ¬wur."

"Listen," Mcgimpy repeated. "It's a chance to keep us in shape, and the Northerners requested it. What's so bad about it?"

"What's the point?" Simon Ryne shot back.

"...To keep us in shape and make the Northerners-that's Sorthern Northland, Phillip-happy."

"Quit calling us "us"," Andrew muttered. He would not be playing.

"And we're not really in the business of making people happy, either," Simon Ryne added.

"Just-just-go play."

As the team trekked out with various degrees of reluctance, Timothy lagged behind. "I figured out the problem."

"What problem?" asked Mcgimpy.

"Why people are putting up a fuss. And what happened at the end of qualifiers."

"Oh?"

"Before this, every game we played mattered. We've never clinched a spot in the next round of any tournament before this, but we were never eliminated-in either case, until the final matchday. Sometimes it came down to goal differential. And then knockouts."

"What about beating Vuam and Isma 4-0?" Mcgimpy retorted after checking the schedule.

"Fluke, maybe, like the first ten consecutively. But after that, not all that great. And now this, I don't know. For me at least, I'm at my best when it...counts."

Mcgimpy shrugged. "Ah well. Too late."

Peter scored twice for Zwangzug before some halftime substitutions. Sorthern Northland's Neuville Senna scored in the fifty-fifth minute, but Gary (in for Phillip at the half) made it 3-1.

And so, Zwangzug's first "friendly" game ended with a victory on paper, and absolutely no progress made whatsoever to determining the point. Already, the team was looking ahead to the proper.

Sitting at the bar of The Workers Bar in Beningrad, are two football fans (Bob and Paul) discussing the national team's recent friendlies and the appointment of a new manager.

"So did you watch the games then Paul?"

"Yeah I did Bob", Paul replied. "But what I don't understand is why wasn't Kevaughn Ó Criomhthain in charge for them?"

"Something to do with Kevin Hugh's contract not quite having been expired I think"

"Yeah? But everyone's already admitted the players have no confidence in him and announced who the new manager is? Why isn't he getting used to working with the players? These friendlies would have been an excellent chance for him to get to know the players and the players to get used to working with him."

"Yeah I suppose."

"That Neuville Senna played well though didn't he?"

"Oh yeah I've always liked that boy, excellent player. His goal against Zwangzug was a cracker though wasn't it?"

"Hmm yeah it was good, the once he scored against Cafundéu was better though I think"

"Naa. Kim Min-Kim didn't look up to much though did he?"

"Yeah he had a couple of off days which is strange although his goal against Jerusalem was well taken."

" 'Ere you hear about the incident at the Jerusalem game?"

"No what happened?"

"Apparently some crazed fan tried to kidnap one of the Dallas girls?"

"Really?"

"Yeah"

"Wow they won't be happy about that will they?"

"I dunno, And a 0-0 draw against St Samuel, when the hell are we ever involved in a game where one team keeps a clean sheet let alone both teams?"

"Hardly ever. Fancy another pint?"

THE MONASTIC TIMES

MONKS TAKE EYES OFF BALL - FAIL TO QUALIFY
Anti-Orthodox Conspiracy Blamed, As Traditional

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

Shockwaves were felt around the World Cup community this week following the news that everyone's (especially Errinundera's) favourite team of footballing monks had not only failed to qualify directly for the World Cup, but had performed so miserably that they even failed to reach the playoffs. The final insult was a second successive loss to the lightly-regarded Jeru FC team.

Searching for an explanation, the Monastic Football Association revealed that the squad had, quite literally, taken their eyes off the ball. "Contrary to the media reports from some nations" said a senior archimandrite, speaking on condition of anonymity "it seems that the entire team played the second half of the qualifiers with their eyes shut in order to better contemplate the Divine Light of the Transfiguration, as seen on Mount Tabor; surely good football results are secondary compared to the monastic's constant search for theosis".

A spokesman for the newly-ascendent conservative faction at the MFA were quick to denounce this as the "thinly-veiled excuse of a failed regime of false ecumenicists hiding the truth of the anti-Orthodox conspiracy that has undermined our brave lads" and vowed to hold a new leadership election at the MFA following the forthcoming Cup of Harmony.

Should the Archregimancy not be invited to the Cup of Harmony, surely nothing can save the Liberal faction's leadership.

In other news, the Holy Empire narrowly limped into direct qualification for the World Cup finals following a surprisingly poor final match home 3-2 loss to Sorthern Northland.

After the Sorthern Northland vs Jeruselem game ...

Kate Bush: Hey, you alright Kate? You don't look upset.
Kate: I should but I'm not.
Kate Bush: Someone grabbing you while you are signing autographs and attempting to drag you off is not something most teenage girls like.
Kate: I know, but I kinda enjoyed it.

Kate Bush: Is this some kind of caveman thing?
Kate: I guess so.
Kate Bush: I don't, men dragging Dallas girls around and throwing them onto beds.
Kate: Tee hee!

Kate Bush: Good thing the bodyguards were onto him. You are a magnet for trouble, just like your mother.
Kate: Someone has to step up and get the attention of the public.
Kate Bush: You don't see good girls like Dinkie getting into these kind of problems.
Kate: I guess we enjoy the dramas of life.

Kate Bush: I still can't believe you're a Princess.
Kate: Why is that?
Kate Bush: You'd think they pick a simple girl who doesn't cause havoc wherever she does. Nope, they end up with the daughter of the Bike.
Kate: It's all about winning hearts and minds there Bushie.

Kate Bush: Well, you are the people's Princess I guess.
Kate: Yes, you have relate to the real people these days.
Kate Bush: Yes, people want to get their grubby hands on you.
Kate: That too.

Group A - Ad'ihan, Zwangzug, Wentland, Jasiyun
Group B - Elves Security Forces, Jeruselem, Qazox, Oickoidia
Group C - Capitalizt SLANI, Demot, Bazalonia, Turori
Group D - Ariddia, Schiavonia, Cafundéu, Bostopia
Group E - Novapsolu, Milchama, Squornshelous, Quakmybush
Group F - Bettia, The Holy Empire, Sel Appa, Dance 2 Revolution
Group G - Errinundera, Vilita, Oliverry, Northern Bettia
Group H - Az-cz, The Lowland Clans, Tynelia, Kiryu-shi

Round of 16 -
#1: A1 v. B2 ; #5: E1 v. F2
#2: B1 v. A2 ; #6: F1 v. E2
#3: C1 v. D2 ; #7: G1 v. H2
#4: D1 v. C2 ; #8: H1 v. G2

Quarter Finals -
QF1: #1 v. #4
QF2: #2 v. #3
QF3: #5 v. #8
QF4: #6 v. #7

Semi Finals -
SF1: #1 v. #2
SF2: #3 v. #4

Final -
#1 v. #2

An alternative way of reading the above draw...(this does not alter the schedule or seeding of teams in any way, just a different way of looking at the draw)

Round of 16 -
#1: A1 v. B2 ; #5: E1 v. F2
#2: D1 v. C2 ; #6: H1 v. G2
#3: B1 v. A2 ; #7: F1 v. E2
#4: C1 v. D2 ; #8: G1 v. H2

Quarter Finals -
QF1: #1 v. #2
QF2: #3 v. #4
QF3: #5 v. #6
QF4: #7 v. #8

Caine Hawdon was in Andrew Coulter's office waiting for him to return from the live drawing of the teams for the world cup, it was broadcasted live on BazSports. And there in the audience he was Andrew Coulter making snide remarks about something but the microphones didn't pick it up.

But Andrew was running late for their meeting probably the press wanting his insights about the draw, Caine would have to as well as he'd leave, that was the appettite for the media.

Finally Andrew came staggering in, "That was one media guantlet." he exclaimed "What did you say?"

"boo, that we didn't get Oickoidia in our group."

"oh. Andrew I have to talk with you, I'm resigning from the position at the end of this world cup."

"Oh, well I was going to talk to you about that anyway. Nows a good time to step down and Hobble's shown he's a good tactician. Though, What do you think about Bandit joining the team?"

"OH, he's learnt alot, especially in TLC and others he'll be a great 2nd in command, the team looks up to and respects both of them. They should do well."

Andrew just nods "okay, so anyway we're facing Capitalizt Slani, Demot and Turori. Slani will be very hard... 20 KPB points seperate us from the Worlds suppossed number 2."

Caine laughed...

"oh, grow up. Demot they're 3 ranks ahead at number 11 but there's practically nothing in it. We need to win this one, or perhaps we can get away with a draw if we wipe the floor with turori. Which again will be harder than it could be but, I dunno Turori have been under performing in key matches so I dunno."

Caine nods, "well I'll see you later, apparently some academics wanted to see me about something, have no idea what they want."

"Alright."

An hour later the meeting with the 'academics' our Archivist, Professor and Doctor of Archealogy took place in Caines own office. Smallish but shelves full of all kinds of things, books, papers and all kinds of things.

"So gentlemen what can I do for you?" Caine asked,

Among the chaotic mess that was Caine's bookshelves Doctor Langhorn noticed something, It was a statuette, that looked exactly the same as the one that he found in Ariddia, the Wygami one.

"We're actually interested in this statuette." he said pointing to thee statuette.

"Oh, that... What do you want to know about it."

"First, where did you get it?"

"It's been in the family for ages, no idea where we got it from but it's passed down from father to son. There's actually a bit of a family legend about it." he smiled slightly "but personally I don't believe it. They say that it was given to us before Bazalonia was even founded."

"I see...."

The doctor started whispering to the others trying to determine their next course of action, it only took a few seconds to reach a unianimous decision

"We would like to show you something we've found and get you to speak with someone. Can you come with us?"

"Sorry, but perhaps later. I've got to prepare for the World Cup. Let me now afterwards and I'll see what I can do."

"Alright, thank you for your time. We'll be in touch."

QSPNFOOTBALL.NETSpecial Report

Group Draw Out Today... UGH

The group draw for World Cup 37 took place earlier today and Qazox once again gets a tough group. Joining the 24th Ranked Pheonix in Group B is Elves Security Forces ranked 3rd in the world, Surprising Oickoidia, ranked 75th and ... #12 Jeruselem, once again for the third time. Some experts are claiming that Group B is the easiest of the 8, due to the fact that Oickoidia is in the group, but with ESF, Jeruselem and Qazox in a group, it's tough to claim that it will be easy.

The rest of the groups break down as follows:


(QSPN's Group of Death is in Blue

Group A - #47 Ad'ihan (Co-host), #8 Zwangzug, #15 Wentland, #32 Jasiyun

Group C - #2 Capitalizt SLANI, #11 Demot, #14 Bazalonia, #21 Turori

Group D - #1 Ariddia, #6 Schiavonia, #13 Cafundéu, #25 Bostopia

Group E - #36 Novapsolu(Co-host), #10 Milchama, #17 Squornshelous, #26 Quakmybush

Group F - #5 Bettia, #16 The Holy Empire, #20 Sel Appa, #39 Dance 2 Revolution

Group G - #4 Errinundera, #9 Vilita, #19 Oliverry, #31 Northern Bettia

Group H - #7 Az-cz, #18 The Lowland Clans, #23 Tynelia, #33 Kiryu-shi

Our inclusive preview of every group will be tommorrow.

Two very similar women, both related ... live from the World Cup 37 finals draw. It's the terrible duo of Dazza and Kate Dallas.

Kate: Hello, we are live from the World Cup 37 finals draw. My name is Crown Princess Katherine Alexandra Dallas of Jeruselem. Just call me Kate Dallas or Skate or just Katy Girl.
Dazza: And I am Lady Dazzarina Handiskya Dallas, Jeruselem's official Ambassador to Ariddia. Otherwise known as Dazza Dallas or The Village Bike.
Kate: She's my mother, if some people don't know.
Dazza: I'm sure the people out there should know that unless they've been living in a Uranium mine for the last 20 years.

Kate: Yes, now my Mum is here because Dinkie Dosha had a gardening accident. The kids left a rake lying around and poor old Dinkie stepped on it and knocked herself out.
Dazza: She's all right, but she's staying at home to recover and no more gardening for Dinkie as well.
Kate: Hey, Mum didn't you step on rake before as well.
Dazza: No, that was Debbie, your auntie.

Kate: So, all you Dinkie fans. Wish Dinkie well! She's had so much bad luck this cup.
Dazza: She's a fighter, you can put her down but she'll fight back from bad position.
Kate: Just reminding those people our buddies Ariddia, Bettia, Bostopia, and Qazox did make the finals. Nedalia did not enter.
Dazza: A special hello to my friend Kelly Firth who did a fine job guiding her team into the finals. Power to the bimbos!

Kate: We love the finals! It's where the best teams are, or we think they are the best teams.
Dazza: Yes, some strange teams made the finals this time round. No monks or robots though, they didn't make it.
Kate: Let's cut to the chase, how are teams lining up!
Dazza: And will Jeruselem somehow end up in the same group as Bettia again?

Kate:
Group A! One of the hosts Ad'ihan is here. They have to content with Zwangzug team who have been on fire, not literally ... and then Wentland and Jasiyun. Look we faced Zwangzug last cup and they put us out of the finals series and we did not make the 2nd round. We expect the Z team to dominate. Wentland have been around and well, tried so hard. This group does not have an Ariddia or Bettia to annoy them so Kate is picking them.

Dazza:
Group B! Err; we'll get back to Group B later folks.

Kate:
Group C! Them Capitalists and their piles of dosh lead Demot and Bazalonia with Turori chasing. The Capitalist should make it but what about the others? It's hard with other teams so well balanced here. I like Bazalonia and think they have goods, or dosh. But this group is full of great teams, can't write anyone off. Turori is not worst team in this finals series, far from it - just bad luck to be placed in this group. Group of Death material.

Dazza:
Group D! Top ranked world champs Ariddia head this group and should win all their games, well they should but expect the unexpected though. With them are Schiavonia who have been quietly achieving this cup without fuss as they normally do. These two teams should make the 2nd round but in their way are Cafundéu and Kelly Firth's Bostopia. So you'd think Ariddia and Schiavonia, but Dazza here is tipping Ariddia and Bostopia! Yeah, Bostopia. Is this the Group of Death? Nope, that's group C but this group could be the Group of Death.

Kate:
Group E! Novapsolu the hosts are here. They have a tough assignment with Milchama, a former finalist like us here as well as Squornshelous and the ever-persistent Quakmybush. The hosts are not in top 10, they are not Ariddia. I think Milchama and Squornshelous will make but with the other two not very far behind. However, a bit of luck and Novapsolu could upset these teams.

Dazza:
Group F! It's Bettia leading The Holy Empire, Sel Appa aka that turtle team and a bunch of funky folks from Dance 2 Revolution. Bettia made a mess of the last cup and should be motivated to make sure System Takil is at it's best. Dazza picks Sel Appa. The Holy Empire has struggled and I think the Turtles might have the edge! Hey, if the Empire makes it - I'm happy for them too and if them Dancing folks make it, party!

Kate:
Group G! The finalist from last cup Errinundera is feature team. But Vilita are here too, and they'll be not wanting to repeat this playoff stuff-up. Oliverry, those nice Frenchies and the tough team from Northern Bettia who think Dallas girls in bathtubs are grand. The team from Erri should be the best team and Skate picks Vilita. You know why? They are veterans and despite needing a playoff to make the finals, they are a tough team to beat at their best.

Dazza:
Group H! Some Gnomes are here as usual - you know Az-cz. They face The Lowland Clans, Tynelia and Kiryu-shi. There is only one top ten-ranked team here and other teams aren't exactly easy beats either. Look I think Tynelia can take the other spot, yes the Bike picks Tynelia. I think it's their time this cup. No disrespect to the other teams like the Clans or the nice Asians at all, as they can prove me wrong.

Kate: Group B. A bunch of pointy-eared characters from Elves Security Forces who happen to be the 3rd best team are here. You know, that team who beat us THREE NIL in a friendly. Yeah them. And then there's some team called Jeruselem with some bimbo called Kate Dallas in it. Yeah, that's us! And then ... the Pheonix AGAIN. World Cup 31, World Cup 35 and now ... this draw is supposed be random. Don't know about that bit. And then some weird team called Oickoidia who beat Sativaville in the playoffs. Worst ranked team in this finals series. Right predictions for Group B! Mum, what do you think?

Dazza: Elves and us.
Kate: Well, we don't have choice. You have to back yourselves and them Elves are far too good to lose. Look it's in our contracts we pick Jeruselem if we make the finals.

Kate: Hey, are we distracting people? I bet girls out there are trying get their man's attention because the Bike and Skate are on TV. Right Mum?
Dazza: Just because we're just the most attractive mother and daughter combination since Rachel Kool and Anna Goldstein!
Kate: Ah yes, probably because we don't wear a lot.
Dazza: It's for all the people out there! A girl for the Dads and a girl for the young men.

Kate: That's it from us Dallas bimbos. And Mum - just say it.
Dazza: Sur ton velo! from the Bike and Skate.
Kate: Hey Mum, there's one of ex-boyfriends!
Dazza: Let's go annoy him Kate.

((ooc-again fails to keep from posting threatening the experiment further...))

“Agent Adams get in here!” Agent Smith called out as the latest file crossed his screen.

“Yes sir, what is it sir?” Agent Adams, formerly Agent Jones until his recent demotion for questioning his superior, replied scampering promptly into his superior’s office.

“I see we have the intel for phase two of Operation: Nutbags. Az-cz, the Clans and Kiryu-shi. Hmm run this through our systems, both hyphened nations in our group, check for secret codes, standard puzzle solving scenario.”

“Yes sir. Anything else sir?”

“Yes, there is Agent Adams has done well, responding to our requirements for a successful phase one by reclaiming the group lead. He seems well on the way to attaining Jones rank. Be sure to inform him that getting beyond the group stage will ensure his promotion.”

“Yes sir. But can he do it? No Tynelian team ever got that far.”

“Ah but this time the advantages are in our favor Adams. As history has proven, the lower ranked squad wins every match between us and the gnomes. Make a note- inform Adams to have the team shoot high. Gnomes are short they can’t jump too high. Aim for the crossbar. The Clansmen we haven’t seen in some time though.”

“Sir?”

“You’re too young to remember but we played them several times in our early history here. You should read the briefings Adams. We knocked them out of the playoffs on the last day and since then we have kept surveillance on them in case the issue exploded into open war. They bested us the last time we met. We have solid practice intel on them in any event.”

“And the Kiryu-shi sir?”

“New upstart group, we should be able to hand them, especially if Spysat_29384 is up and running before our match again. Who was in charge of that and never noticed the satellite was drifting off course?”

“That was Agent Jenkins sir.”

“Jenkins!?! If there was a lower rank than name, he’d be on it. He messes everything up, just like his father with the crystal fiasco way back when.”

“As you say sir.”

“But now for the real reason I called you in here. How has the blackout affected those nuts in the New Othydoxic Christian Church of Reborn Othydoxy, have their numbers been decreasing?”

“No sir, and that brings up another point. Yesterday a large group of them were celebrating and parading after their weekly soccer match observance. It appears word leaked out over the international press that the Archregimancy was the only team ranked one or two in their group to fail to advance to the Cup proper. The Othydoxists were shouting that their Lord of Scores had smote the monks for their arrogance and lack of faith in him. Because of their attempt to excommunicate our nation, they claim the Lord of Scores turned his back on them and kept them from advancing. There was an incident at the nearby Orthodox church where several members of both factions were arrested for fighting after the cultists began taunting the worshippers after their mass concluded over the Archregimancy’s failure.”

“I see and you’re only telling me this now because?”

“Er..i just wanted to confirm all the facts first sir. I know you dislike rushed, sloppy work, and they’re only a bunch of religious nutbags anyway so let them take care of each other.”

“I see. Do you know that these Othydoxy cultists are threatening our entire nation. In a mere four years they have grown from a handful of idiots who couldn’t even field two soccer teams to the point where they are .001% of all our population? That makes them the seventh largest collection of religious nuts in the country behind the Catholics, Jews, Muslim, Orthodox, Anglicans and Buddhists-and none of the others are growing so fast. I need to know these things Agent Black.”

“Its Agent Adams, sir I…oh…” <curses silently to himself>

“You are dismissed Agent Black, perhaps if Agent Adams succeeds I may raise you back to his rank. If not I am sure he will have some interesting assignments for you.”

“Yes sir.”

Az-cz Scroll
Az-cz
Il-Lur

Cup Predictions

The draw's been announced and you know what that means. It's time for world cup predictions. And this should be an interesting cup. Plus this is a two part special. There will be a second set of picks brought to you by Kar-Nak from the Az-cz Society of Superstition, Hexes, Astrology and Tarot. Between the two hosts and Oickoidia there's some pretty weak stuff at the bottom so there might be more of the top teams going through this round. In some sense having a weak cup might actually improve the competition. Now let's get to the picks.

Let's start with ourselves out in group H, which will be held in Novapsolu. Our opponents are The Lowland Clans, Tynelia and Kiryu-shi. While we didn't get Oickoidia or the hosts we can't be too displeased with the draw. The Lowland Clans didn't exactly light up a weak group. And while that doesn't mean they aren't dangerous it does present some reason for optimism. Tynelia is the reverse. They looked quite good in the qualifiers but don't have much tradition on our side. We swept them the last time we played but that was such ancient history that almost no one from either squad was around then. Kn-Dg, Levesque and Ip-Gp were there, but that's it. And Kiryu-shi finally fulfilled their promise and made the cup. While we don't expect them to exit lightly we do expect them to exit in last. We should top the group with Tynelia in second.

If we do advance we'll be facing the teams from group G who are Errinundera, Vilita, Oliverry and Northern Bettia. The portoroos will dominate this group and as such we'll want very much to win our group. It's hard to say who'll take second but I will continue to guess the gogs to step up and follow Errinundera through, which could give us a chance at some Bettian revenge.

The hosts from Novapsolu have a draw that's hard to gauge, except for. Both Milchama and Squornshelous should romp through this group. But if either of them struggles it'll be a free for all. I don't see that happening, but if one misses out I think it will be the hosts in a suprise ahead of Quakmybush.

The last group in Novapsolu is Bettia, Alasdair I Frosticus, Sel Appa, Dance 2 Revolution. Bettia is far and away the team on best form in this group. They'll top it. And The Holy Empire will take second for the pride of the Dream Realm.

Over in Adihan the hosts have found themselves in the definitely easiest group along with Zwangzug, Wentland, Jasiyun. Zwanzug must have been doing a jig of happiness to see such a group. If they play anywhere near their form of last cup or these qualifiers they'll run away with the group. Wentland would clearly be the favorite to take second and I think they will. Again I think the hosts will do better than the four seed but fail to advance.

That group has group B in the round of 16, whose members are Elves Security Forces, Jeruselem, Qazox, Oickoidia. Clearly Oickoidia is doomed. They're arguably the worst qualifier ever and have three solid experienced sides with them, so they'll get the wooden spoon. The Elves ought to win the group which leaves Jeruselem v Qazox for the trip to the next round. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that Qazox will pull it out and finally get to the next round.

Group C is a quite strong group featuring Commerce Heights, Demot, Bazalonia, Turori. We avoided our friends from Demot this time around but Bazalonia got stuck with them again. Turori is definitely the weak link here and shouldn't provide much push. I think that Commerce Heights will win the group and Bazalonia will get revenge for their elimination last time around.

Last but not least is the group of death. Here you'll find the best team in the world and defending champs Ariddia along with Schiavonia, Cafundeu and Bostopia. Bostopia is the weakest of the bunch but is still a quite potent side and might be picked to advance from a number of other groups. Here I think they'll fall short along with Schiavonia. In a suprise I think the champs will finish second with Cafundeu rocketing to the top.

That would set up these second round matchups:

Az-cz v Northern Bettia
Milchama v Alasdair I Frosticus
Errinundera v Tynelia
Bettia v Squornshelous
Zwangzug v Qazox
Cafundeu v Bazalonia
Elves Security Forces v Wentland
Commerce Heights v Ariddia

While we'd clearly be the favorite in such a matchup I just think we struggle with Bettian style football. Throw in the gogs agressive nature and it will lead to a big upset, ending our streak of trips to the quarters. The dream realm continues to earn back its pride with a trip to the quarters. Errinundera ends Tynelia's best ever run and Bettia trumps Squronshelous in a wild one. In Adihan Zwangzug will continue to impress, the Bazalopes will make their first quarterfinals. The Elves will put on the most impressive show of the second round and Commerce Heights will pick up a big win to move to the next round. Leaving these matchups in the quarters:

Northern Bettia v Alasdair I Frosticus
Errinundera v Bettia
Zwangzug v Bazalonia
Elves Security Forces v Commerce Heights

Northern Bettia will continue to surprise as they head to the semis well they'll meet their southern neighbors who will win one of the two headlining matches. Zwangzug will make a second straight semifinals and suprisingly be the only team to do so as the Elves end Commerce Heights' tournament.

The semis would then feature:

Northern Bettia v Bettia
Zwangzug v Elves Security Forces

Bettia will prove while they are the main colony and Northern Bettia is a lesser nation and the Elves will advance to the finals for the first time, facing the same opponent we did when we made our trip their.

3PPO:

Northern Bettia v Zwangzug

Northern Bettia will once again put Zwangzug behind them to finish in third place.

Finals:

However Bettia won't be continuing their alternations with Ariddia as the Elves do us one better by topping the Aroras to bring the trophy home, and really piss off everyone in Candelaria & Marquez.

_________________________________________________________________

We here at -SSHAT see things a little differently.

Group A - Ad'ihan, Zwangzug, Wentland, Jasiyun

Zwangzug will clearly win the group as they are masters of all things crazy and random. Ad'ihan will probably take second with good karmic vibes.

Group B - Elves Security Forces, Jeruselem, Qazox, Oickoidia

Well Oickoidia's clearly used up their good luck. Jeruselem and Qazox both have plenty of Karmic demerits but Jeruselem just has more so Qazox will finish behind the elves but it will be WELL BEHIND.

Group C - Capitalizt SLANI, Demot, Bazalonia, Turori

Capitalizt SLANI has a lot of bad luck from their claiming of titles that aren't there's to their capitalism itself so they're toast. Bazalonia has unexplainable bad luck that doesn't seem to be evened out by their hard work so they'll fall while Demot tops the group over Turori.

Group D - Ariddia, Schiavonia, Cafundéu, Bostopia

Cafundeu is not lucky. I think we all saw that two cups ago when they failed to qualify from our easy group and couldn't win the cup of harmony either. So they're out. Ariddia's certainly sucked the luck from starting the cup dry but should still have enough to advance with a win and a couple of draws while Bostopia gets some good luck and tops the group.

Group E - Novapsolu, Milchama, Squornshelous, Quakmybush

Quakmybush used up all their good luck a long time to qualify on their first chance. So they're out. And Milchama seems due for some more punishment from the Audioslavian curse. Novapsolu will top the group while Squornshelous takes second.

Group F - Bettia, The Holy Empire, Sel Appa, Dance 2 Revolution

This group is barely worth discussing. The Holy Empire first Bettia second.

Group G - Errinundera, Vilita, Oliverry, Northern Bettia

Well Northern Bettia deserves to be punished for being a bunch of cheating bastards, so they're done. Errinundera's status as being under the Audioslavian curse is in doubt but it's probably not bad enough to go out in the first round. Vilita's luck is that bad which means Oliverry will top the group with Errinundera in tow.

Group H - Az-cz, The Lowland Clans, Tynelia, Kiryu-shi

Our group. We'll make the second round like always. Tynelia only gets lucky in increments and has used up too much luck to get here. Same with Kiryu-shi which leaves the Clansmen in second.

Second round:

Zwangzug v Qazox
Bostopia v Turori
Elves Security Forces v Adihan
Demot v Ariddia
Novapsolu v Bettia
Az-cz v Errinundera
Holy Empire v Squornshelous
Oliverry v The Lowland Clans

Qazox was lucky to get such a cursed group to even move on. Zwangzug will end that. Bostopia will continue to push their luck and nakedness into advancing. The Elves will end the Adihan run as being host only means so much and Demot will end Ariddia's run because the Rouge Et Noirs can't be allowed to win twice in a row. Similarly to Adihan Novapsolu's run will end in the second round. Both us and Errinundera will show our true round of 16 colors with Az-cz taking them down, showing they too are afflicted by the curse. The Holy Empire is definitely more blessed than a team called the psychoes. And expect the Clansmen to continue to get good luck over the Frenchies.

Quarterfinals

Zwangzug v Bostopia
Elves Security Forces v Demot
Bettia v Az-cz
The Holy Empire v The Lowland Clans

Zwangzug is a damned lucky side and will get that luck to continue to get them back to the semifinals. Demot will protect their former masters from the Audioslavian curse by sending them out in the quarterfinals. Bettia, The Audioslavian curse and our quarterfinals bugaboo will conspire to send us home here. And The Holy Empire will continue to feed off the good luck the Archregimancy isn't using.

Semifinals

Zwangzug v Demot
Bettia v The Holy Empire

My personal gut tells me Demot will win but the cards say Zwangzug. The Holy Empire will continue to benefit from the Archregimancy missing the cup to make the finals.

3PPO

Does anyone care? The stars certainly don't. I have no prediction for this game.

Finals

Zwanzug v The Holy Empire

While Zwangzug is lucky The Dreamed Realm has so much good luck saved up they'll take that The Holy Empire will take the title. Mark it down:

-SSHAT says The Holy Empire wins.

Valanora Express
Thrice Did The Emporer Refuse the Crown

In this day of days here in Valanora, when many of our beloved citizens are estimating their beloved Marauders chances of winning the the World Cup title, a great move has been made in the political climate. Last night at 11:08 ECT, Tobias Raynor and Raulin Warde (the chairman of the board of chancellors of Assegai Developments) of Assegai Developments and the mysterious Dark Lord of Turruth Gordur reached an agreement , which was then unamiously ratified by the Senate this morning in an emergancy session. Under this agreements, Assegai Developments and Turruth Gordur have been incorporated into Valanora. In his press release, Tobias cited strong political ties, a showing of regional unity, and a beacon of peace for bringing these two shining stars of The YoungWorld together into the entity that is Valanora.

So just does this mean to the everyday citizens of our and their countries you ask. Well it's simple, like when Vyinta and the ESF created Valanora two years ago, each citzen of the previous nation now is a citizen of every member nation, and has all the rights that each had and then some. In terms of the political landscape, it makes Valanora a strong power in how the government will be run in The YoungWorld, with a good chunk of the population now represented by our elected officials. If for no other reason, the standing forces of the military has almost tripled with the signing, while the reserves have doubled. This fact alone will demand a certain amount of respect from even the cockiest of nations.

As for those of you wondering, yes those athletes who represented Assegai and Turruth Gordur in sport competitions are now eligable to represent Valanora. This means that your beloved Marauders may have quite a shake up in the roster next tournament when these athletes will be officially eligable for representing the nation. Though a sports analysist I am not, this seems to be a grand move for the ESC, as now their pool of athletes to choose from has expanded in such a way, that any player who dons the colors of the nation is assured to be one of the elite athletes in the world. With an already great squad on the ready, I am betting that the ESC and EFA will be having many sleepless nights in trying to narrow down the top 23 or 25 players in the next tournament, though Elune will most likely direct their hand towards the right choices.

Rest easy and greet thy new neighbors with embracement. Though a good number of Assegains had already moved to what was the ESF, they never were able to be a true citizen. Now they have that, and we must show our true kind spirits in embracing our new brothers and sisters. Together we can be beacon of peace and prospierity, but divided amongst our former transgressions, there will strife and decay. Let the latter be the warning, and the former be thy grace!

Article by Juna Mikel

HOLY EMPIRE HERALD

"CAN WE HAVE SOME OF WHAT YOU'RE SMOKING?"
Imperial Officials Examine Gnomish Drug Trade

By Anna Comneno

Imperial football fans were today briefly distracted from the possibly deranged musings of popular local lunatic Pselluso the Seer by the possibly deranged musings of the Az-cz media following reports that some sources in the gnome home had picked the Holy Empire to win the World Cup.

Imperial player-coach and captain Juan Tzimisces maintained his usual imperious and intimidating silence, but Holy Empire Football Association officials contacted for this story were too busy rolling around in hysterical laughter to offer a coherent quote.

Sources close to the Imperial Secretariat of the Purple Inkwell were meanwhile said to be investigating the possibility of an almost unprecedented trade agreement with an Ordinary Reality nation. "Whatever they're smoking in Az-cz is clearly a powerful hallucinogen of rare transformative power, and we'd really rather quite like to give it a try too" said an anonymous ISPI source. "Especially since - quite extraordinarily - we don't seem to be able to create a similar substance here in the Dreamed Realm".

The Tragedy of Juan Tzismisces

By Fr. Basiliacus of the Shaken Spear

Act 3, Scene 1 - Before the Imperial Hippodrome following the World Cup Draw, the Crowd sitting above.

Tzimisces
O, pardon me, thou bleeding Dreamed Realm,
That I have been meek and gentle with my opponents!
I have become a ruin of the noblest man
That ever played in the tide of times.
Woe to the team that shed these costly results!
Over my squad's wounds now do I prophesy,--
Which, like dumb mouths, do ope their ruby lips,
To beg the voice and utterance of my tongue--
A curse shall light upon the limbs of men;
Sharp fury and fierce warlike play
Shall cumber all the parts of World Cup 37;
Blood and fierce tackle shall be so in use
And shattering free kicks so familiar
That fathers shall but smile when they behold
Their sons butchered by my tackles from behind;
All pity choked with custom of fell deeds:
And Tzimisces' spirit, ranging for revenge,
With my squad by my side come hot from hell,
Shall in Novapsolu with a captain's voice
Cry 'Havoc,' and let slip the dogs of football;
That our foul deeds shall smell above the earth
With opposing defenders, groaning for a red card.

"Dude!"

"Duuude!"

"We're in the finals, dude!!!"

"Excellent!"

"We've gotta get us some of those tickets!!!"

"Too right, dude! Let's get there!!!"

"Where?"

"Adi'han, dude!!!"

"All right, dude!!! We're so there!!!!"

Arridia, Cafundéu, Schiavonia!

Bostopia were drawn into a tough Group D for the 37th World Cup in Adi'han and Novapsolu. While Bostopia have played both Ariddia and Cafundéu before, Schiavonia is a team they cannot take any form of matchplay experience from.

With Ariddia looking for a Two and Zero record over Bostopia, and Cafundéu looking to better their record, Bostopia will need as much luck and class as they had in WC36 to reach the knockout rounds. However, it is not all bad, with both Jeruselem and the Az-cz A.S.S.H.A.T. report having Bostopia to get through the group.

The A.S.S.H.A.T. believes Bostopia could reach the quarter finals before crashing out to Zwangzug. A quarter final would surely boost current manager Kelly Firth's position, in her second World Cup proper as Bostopia manager.

http://img470.imageshack.us/img470/8564/jgnlogohe2.png

World Cup 37 Scammers stopped

When it's World Cup time, there's a breed of people who come out and give a bad name to football. Internet scammers, the people who setup fake web sites and take honest people's money including draining bank accounts. Jeruselem authorities have been looking at a particular scam where malware installed on people's computers directs them scam web sites instead of real World Cup 37 web sites.

Today police raided the local offices of a company affilitated with the Zango adware company and found a scamming operation in the basement. Servers and computers were taken away as evidence. Some Zango employees tried to delete evidence of their involvement in the scam before the raid happened but police just shot them as they attempted to delete Zango records off their system unsuccessfully. The company director tried to flee in his car but he was chased down by police helicopter with a 20mm minigun which had to be used. He died with from gunshot wounds.

Millions of dollars of people's money will be looked at and returned to the owners when the operation is unravelled. Remaining employees of the company gave themselves up and cooperated with the authorities.

The scammers were illegally using World Cup copyrighted material as well as the copyrighted material of Jeruselem and other nations.

Lawyers for Zango company said the brutal methods used were not warranted they would be seeking a mistrial and recovery of assets should their clients be tried, citing "undemocratic" nature of the raid. Jeruselem police said Jeruselem was not a democracy, it was a Kingdom and they were acting on behalf of millions and billions of people who were affected by the insidious scam enacted by Zango who were misusing the World Cup name for illegal profits.

An insider said the scam was exposed by an ex-employee who wasn't being paid her dues.

Zwangzug's e-Lipogram
Football squad in Group A

Zwangzug's national football squad will play in Group A in World Cup 37, going to (or just around) Ad'ihan. It will play said co-hosts, along with Jasi'yun, hosts of Cup of Harmony 25, which Zwangzug won.

Our final football basics with links follow.

Y is for youth.
Not as old as 22?
Play in a cup (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Under-21_World_Cup) of your own.
Y is also for you.

Now that you know about
Football, no bad acronym or loss
Will stop your fandom:
Z is for ZWCOS (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Zwangzug_World_Cup_Organisation_Software).

QSPNFOOTBALL.NETSpecial Report

Predictions:
Advancing teams in Red

Group A - Ad'ihan, Zwangzug, Wentland, Jasiyun
Group B - Elves Security Forces, Jeruselem, Qazox, Oickoidia
Group C - Capitalizt SLANI, Demot, Bazalonia, Turori
Group D - Ariddia, Schiavonia, Cafundéu, Bostopia
Group E - Novapsolu, Milchama, Squornshelous, Quakmybush
Group F - Bettia, The Holy Empire, Sel Appa, Dance 2 Revolution
Group G - Errinundera, Vilita, Oliverry, Northern Bettia
Group H - Az-cz, The Lowland Clans, Tynelia, Kiryu-shi

Winners in Red
Round of 16 -
#1: Zwangzug v. Qazox
#5: Milchama v. Sel Appa
#2: Elves Security Forces v. Wentland
#6: Bettia v. Squornshelous
#3: Capitalizt SLANI v. Cafundéu
#7: Oliverry v. Tynelia
#4: Ariddia v. Bazalonia
#8: Az-cz v. Vilita

Quarter Finals -
QF1: Zwangzug v. Ariddia
QF2: Wentland v. Capitalizt SLANI
QF3: Milchama v. Az-cz
QF4: Squornshelous v. Oliverry

Semi Finals -
SF1: Ariddia v. Wentland
SF2: Az-cz v. Squornshelous

3PPO -
Squornshelous vs. Wentland

Final -
Ariddia vs. Az-cz

Schedule for the Pheonix:
MD1:Jeruselem v. Qazox - Arène de la Mer (Prediction: 2-2 Draw)
MD2: Qazox v. ESF - Stadium by the Shore (Prediction: 1-1 Draw)
MD3:Qazox v. Oickoidia - Arène de la Mer (Prediction: 4-0 Qazox)
Prediction for Record: 1-2-0 5 pts 2nd in group 7GF/3GA +4 GD

Az-cz Scroll
Letters to the editor

As the president of -SSHAT I'd like to clear up a couple of things about my predictions. First the name of the group is not ASSHAT. That's a clearly offensive acronym. We'd never allow a name like that. The name of the group is -SSHAT. Also I'd like to apologize to Cafundeu. I mistook their failure in the Baptism of Fire with the Cup of Harmony. I'm sorry to have besmirched the good name of -SSHAT like that. Still karmically they're screwed, so my prediction still stands.

Kar-Nak
President of -SSHAT

"Well we got to the World Cup"

"It's about time, I mean so many other good nations we deserve to also"

"We've been to every World Cup since WC 30 and only missed one cup since WC 27"

"Yeh so what? We still deserve it"

"you're making it sound as if we've never gotten anywhere, we were finalists in World Cup 34"

"I know because we prayed to Margaret which has now been declared illegal then became legal again after a massive civil war. It all makes sense now"

"Dude you NEED to get off the hasish, it's bad for you"

"Not really, trust me"

"No, anyway we're in a group with Novapsolu, Squornshelous, and Quakmybush"

"Oh 3 bums, excellent that should be 9 points and an easy advancement to the second round"

"Wow you are confident"

"Hey we have Margaret on our side what could go wrong?"

"How about the fact that we haven't prayed to her yet"

"Well then what are we waiting for?"

"It's illegal, I don't want to do that"

"You mean like your drug use which is also illegal but you are still doing anyway."

"That is WAAAAAAAAAAy different. Trust me"

"No but if you don't want to then we shall watch the Margaret ceremony on TV"

"OK"

"OK OK"

"Yeh Dick Hogle!"

"Dude!!!"

"Duuuuuuuuude!!!"

"Thumb harder!!!!"

"I'm trying!!! No-one will stop!!!"

"Excuse me, boys..."

"Dude?"

"...could you please tell me where you are going?"

"Adi'han, dude!!! It's gnarly."

"Do you think it is wise to try to hitch a lift on a runway?"

"No choice, dude. We can't afford a flight."

"I'm afraid this is off limits...you need to leave now..."

"Duuuuuuuude!! I'm sure this one will stop."

"I'm afraid not."

***

"Dude, what do we do now?"

"I dunno, dude. How much are the tickets?"

"Too much, dude."

"Can we get a job?"

"Now you're talking, dude!!"

"I was kidding, dude!!!"

"No, dude! We can be pilots."

"Good idea, dude!!!"

"Where do we get a uniform?"

"Dude!! The hotel!! They're always with the stewardesses in there!!!"

"Duuuuude!!!"

***

"Oh, Captain...that was wonderful."

"You're welcome, Sylvia. Anyone who can handle a joystick like that deserves a quick inspection."

"And we're off to Adi'han now!! Oh, that's so exciting."

"Yes, just let me get my uniform...where is it?"

"It's over...oh, where's mine?"

Inside the plane, the coach of Cafundéu's National Team, Franz Braddock, receives an official letter from the CCFM. The group draw is there.

The draw, which in the previous World Cups was broadcasted by Globo Multimedia, this time wasn't. That happened because the main satellite of the biggest TV channel of Cafundéu fell from the space, and was destroyed. No one could predict how long would it take for Globo Multimedia to return to its normal conditions.

So, Braddock didn't know Cafundéu's opponents. He started to read the letter, and the captain of the National Team, Anormal, appeared to see the letter too. He hit his head in the airplane's roof before sitting with some difficulties.

ANORMAL - "So, teacher, is it a good group?"

Braddock stayed in silence for some seconds. This spoke more than a hundred words.

ANORMAL - "I see. But the team is good, we had some bad results during the qualification stage, but now we're qualified. We'll battle until the end to be successful."

BRADDOCK - "I know."

ANORMAL - "We're second seeds for the first time? I heard that we are the thirteenth best country of the world!"

BRADDOCK - "No, we are third seeds again. Our group is far from easy, and close from hellish."

ANORMAL - "Which is the worst team of the group?"

BRADDOCK - "Bostopia."

ANORMAL - "Well, although it isn't one of the easiest, it's not the most difficult."

BRADDOCK - "We could get Kiryu-Shi, Dance two Revolution or Oickodia... I'd prefer facing them."

ANORMAL - "Okay... not an easy game but we can get the win. And what about the second seed?"

BRADDOCK - "Schiavonia."

ANORMAL - "Ouch! I didn't expect it... the best of the second seeds! We'll have to work hard to get the positive result against them."

BRADDOCK - "Yes, you're right."

ANORMAL - "And the first seed?"

BRADDOCK - (laughes because of the nervousness) "The best again!"

ANORMAL - "The champions?"

BRADDOCK - "The champions! Ariddia!"

They look at each other for some seconds, shocked.

"So, how about him?" said Josef.

Watson looked at the screen, staring at the face of Alan Belmore. "Eh, I don't think we can find him easily, there's not been a sighting of him in years. Besides, if he really is the god they called him, wouldn't he have left years ago?"

Josef nodded, moving to the next name on the list. The assistants to The Chairman were sitting in their office, looking through the Terran football greats of old; one of them had to be perfect for their project, surely.]

"You can get rid of the Rejistanians," commented Watson, "Nobody wants a bunch of goalless games."

As Josef flipped to the next name on the list, a knock on the door interrupted their search. Josef quickly blanked the screen, before calling for the knocker to enter.

"Josef? Watson?" said the entering assistant, wearing the standard Transport Control office garb. "We have the teams all in their facilities, but we don't have a schedule of the matches. Could you print me off one, please?"

"It should be on the network," said Josef, turning to the World Cup website. After a few seconds of frantic clicking, he turned to Watson.

"Did you forget something?"

Watson looked away nervously; he knew this would not be good.

"I'll get it up right away" he finally responded, heading to his desk, with some frantic typing.

World Cup 37
Ad'ihan - Novapsolu
Schedule


Groups A-D will be played in Ad'ihan (and Liverpool England), and will be scored by Novapsolu

Group A
MD1: Ad'ihan v. UCS Jasiyun - Protectorate Stadium
Zwangzug v. Wentland - Stade des l'Îles

MD2: Wentland v. Ad'ihan - Protectorate Stadium
Jasiyun v. Zwangzug - Stade des l'Îles

MD3: Ad'ihan v. Zwangzug - Protectorate Stadium
Wentland v. Jasiyun - Stadium by the Shore

Group B
MD1: ESF v. Oickoidia - Stadium by the Shore
Jeruselem v. Qazox - Arène de la Mer

MD2: Qazox v. ESF - Stadium by the Shore
Oickoidia v. Jeruselem - Arène de la Mer

MD3: ESF v. Jeruselem - Stade des l'Îles
Qazox v. Oickoidia - Arène de la Mer

Group C
MD1: UCS SLANI v. Turori - Barrier Island Region Ground
Demot v. Bazalonia - Modna International Stadium

MD2: Bazalonia v. UCS SLANI - Barrier Island Region Ground
Turori v. Demot - Modna International

MD3: UCS SLANI v. Demot - Typhoons Stadium
Bazalonia v. Turori - Barrier Island Region Ground

Group D
MD1: Ariddia v. Bostopia - Stade des Iles d'Exterieur
Schiavonia v. Cafundeu - Typhoons Stadium

MD2: Cafundeu v. Ariddia - Stade des Iles d'Exterieur
Bostopia v. Schiavonia - Typhoons Stadium

MD3: Ariddia v. Schiavonia - Modna International
Cafundeu v. Bostopia - Stade des Iles d'Exterieur

Groups E-H will be played in Novapsolu and scorinated by Ad'ihan
Groups E & F will play their first round matches and round of 16 matches on Isle Kerke, with Isle Teslu hosting Groups G & H. The full map is here:

http://jdfrew.people.wm.edu/IslesOfKikkr.jpg

Group E
MD1: Novapsolu v. Quakmybush - Telmiri
Milchama v. Squornshelous - Nagfil

MD2: Squornshelous v. Novapsolu - Venak
Quakmybush v. Milchama - Nagfil

MD3: Novapsolu v. Milchama - Nagfil
Squornshelous v. Quakmybush - Telmiri

Group F
MD1: Bettia v. D2R - Sioal
The Holy Empire v. Sel Appa - Yekr

MD2: Sel Appa v. Bettia - Dirlkae
D2R v. The Holy Empire - Yekr

MD3: Bettia v. The Holy Empire - Sioal
Sel Appa v. D2R - Dirlkae

Group G
MD1: Errinundera v. Northern Bettia - Golis
Vilita v. Oliverry - Oyam

MD2: Oliverry v. Errinundera - Mahe
Northern Bettia v. Vilita - Golis

MD3: Errinundera v. Vilita - Oyam
Oliverry v. Northern Bettia - Mahe

Group H
MD1: Az-cz v. Kiryu-shi - Wegya
TLC v. Tynelia - Rowkla

MD2: Tynelia v. Az-cz - Falfyo
Kiryu-shi v. TLC - Hoult

MD3: Az-cz v. TLC - Falfyo
Tynelia v. Kiryu-shi - Wegya

Watson breathed a sigh of relief. The schedule was finally done, and he could get back to work on the "project".

"So, Josef, who's next?"

Josef turned on the screen, clicking to the next picture, a footballer in purple and white, with shoulder-length blonde hair. The picture was years old, but everything about it showed the workings of a genius.

Watson smiled. He had found their guy.

OOC: This is the Cutoff for MD1

Scores in Ad'ihan, MD1 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13109687&postcount=25)

QSPNFOOTBALL.NET WORLD CUP 37 Report
Pheonix Fall in Early Hole

For the third time in 5 World Cup appearances, Jeruselem and Qazox faced off in group play, and also for the 3rd time this World Cup cycle including the qualifers as well. And as usual, Qazox came up a bit short as they fall to Jeruselem 3-1.

Once again, one of the numerous members of the Dallas clan stuck it to Qazox, this time being Dazza Deux, the cybernetic clone of the original Dazza. Scoring in the 13th and 29th minutes, Dazza Deux silenced the slightly pro-Pheonix crowd and later assisted on the final goal int he 66th minute, scored by Shane Hooney.

Qazox' lone goal came off the foot of Yancy Fry in the 50th minute, but once again the Pheonix can't seem to get off on a good foot in the Group stages. With the next match against ESF, Qazox is staring at yet another early exit from the World Cup.

In other Ad'ihan matches, no real upsets occured, leaving all the favorites at 1-0 so far in group play.

Scores in Novapsolu, MD1 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13109734&postcount=26)

"Bazalopes knocked out!"

That was the title headline for the more trashy tabloids around the nation, and while indeed it was only the first day of the group stage the hopes of the Bazalopes Qualifying for the knockout stage had taken a great hit, record numbers of Bazalonian faithful made the trek successfully to Modna International Stadium, in Liverpool England, or perhaps the protectorate of Ad'ihan. No one really cared but what they were expecting to see was not what they received.

They expected a tight a game between 2 practically even teams... What they got was a 3-0 blow-out win by Demot. They expected the Bazalopes to make a decent challenge.... They didn't. They expected to be able to walk away from this game with their head held high, whoever won (or perhaps a draw), they couldn't.

The Demot Dynamo dominated from start to begining, except for a few defense lapses that almost let Bazalonia back in the game during the last 10 minutes of the match it wasn't to be. What excuse did the players have, there was always blaming the ref, but there was no real event to galvanise support for a shoddy referee. If anything perhaps the referee was even a bit too leanient on the Bazalopes, not that it helped at all.

The fans left the stadium shattered, the bars around that had been the Bazalonian centres for celebration were quiet and despondent, looking at how bad the team played it was hard to think they could ever win against Capitalizt SLANI, even if they did beat Turori 3 points and a -3 GD at this stage would almost guarantee them that they wouldn't get the birth into the knockouts.

The few BazaBurger restaurants that were open in the area where flooded with patrons trying to eat and drown their sorrows with the food. That day it almost seemed like a wake. Where people didn't want to seem too happy but still it brought together people for one cause.

Meanwhile the coach was absolutely fuming, Caine was yelling at his team.
"What a lousy performance! Sometimes I think the Oickodians are more worthy to be here in the World Cup than we are. I'm just look at our performance..."

A video had been set up with cues at all the right places... "Terrible sloppy and not concentrating? We are now in serious danger of not qulaifying to the knock-outs. But that's not the worst part, we've let down our fans, we've let down our nation and we've now got to show the world what true Bazalopes can do. And who else better to show it against than Capitalizt SLANI themselves. I can't give you the answer, it is something that must come from you, that is why I'm cancelling practice. We know it all up here." he said tapping our mind, " but we have to feel it down here." tapping his chest, indicating the heart. If we're not ready here, then we mose well pack up now and go home."

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/ariddia.png Ariddia 3-0 Bostopia http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/bostopia.png

Flawless start; one hurdle past

The Rouge-et-Noirs have taken the first small step towards defending their title in Ad’ihan with a perfect 3-0 win over Bostopia. Supporters were delighted, and coach Jane Sanderson had nothing but praise for her players.

“Technically, they did almost everything just right,” she said. “This is a very encouraging start.”

Elmi Guirreh scored twice, and Jamilah Shahrour once. Ariddia’s attacking trio capitalised on every weakness in the Bostopian defence, and received strong support from their midfield. Defenders Nelson, E’i and Riverain proved a virtually impassible obstacle for Bostopian attackers, and goalkeeper Tu Wesh made several good calls and not the slightest mistake. The match has been referred to as a textbook example of Rouge-et-Noirs proficiency.

“We still have to face Schiavonia and Cafundéu,” captain Iol Et reminded the press. “Those are two teams we have a lot of respect for, and we’ll be taking them very seriously. There are no easy opponents, no easy matches at this stage.

He added that a win in the opening match meant the Ariddians could now set the pace rather than struggle to play catchup.

Jamilah Shahrour has found a little time to begin investigating human rights in the tiny Ad’ihan protectorate and the wider Outer Islands (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Outer_Islands%2C_Liverpool_England). She has made no comment on her findings so far.

As for midfielder Jacques Clocher, he has said it is enjoyable to be in a francophone territory.

“People come up and talk to us sometimes, and they talk to us in French. I wouldn’t say it’s just like home, because it really isn’t, but still, it helps us settle in and all.”

"Dude!!!"

"Er...dude? Dudess?"

"Duuuude!!! Let's get on the plane!!!"

"Er...you should have told me about that, dude..."

"It was the only uniform that I could find, dude!!! Let's just get going!!!"

"OK, dude..."

"Is my lipstick on straight, dude?"

***

"Captain, I don't believe we've flown together before..."

"No way, dude. It's like, well, hard."

"Er...how many times have you flown to Adi'han?"

"Never, dude. You can take control, dude. Where's the dudess?"

"Duuuude!!!"

"Where's the food?"

"Dunno, dude..."

"Food for dude!! Yay!!!"

"Captain, you really mean me to fly?"

"Way, dude!!! I think you've earned it."

***

"We're nearly there, Captain. Do you want to take over for landing?"

"No way, dude. I'm off with a stewardess."

"I think you'll find she's busy...DON'T OPEN THAT DOOR!!!"

"DUDESS!!!! Put her down!!!"

"No way, dude!!! This is better than the World Cup."

"Dudess, we've gotta get to the first match..."

"Captain, have you heard the news over the headphones?"

"What is it, dude? Have we hit a mountain?"

"No, Wentland have won 2-1. That's excellent news, shall we page the passengers?"

"Whoa, dude! First match already? That's bogus."

The whistle blew as Jeruselem lead Qazox THREE ONE. Once again the Crusaders put a dent in the hopes of the Pheonix. The Dallas girls or "Dancing Girls" were getting all excited kissing and hugging team mates. Qazox players once again accepting another loss to Jeruselem, trudged off the field. Kate Dallas gave the Qazox captain a pat on the back and apologised but said no team could afford give away points in the group round. She wished the Qazox team more luck with their other two games. then kissed him, smiled and "wobbled" off into the Jeruselem dressing room as security moved in to protect her.

Later the team came out to sign autographs for the loyal Jeruselem fans who came out to travel with the team. The most popular team members were Kate Dallas, Hikfie Dallas and Dinkie Dosha. Later in the day, Kate Dallas spoke to the foreign press.

Reporter 1: Who is the biggest threat in Group B to Jeruselem?
Kate: It has to be the Elves. They smashed that Oiky team today and we lost to them THREE NIL recently. Look, I don't expect to beat the Elves - I'd be happy with a draw at this stage against them.

Reporter 2: Dinkie Dosha is back in the team and she's looking good, what happened to her before?
Kate: Well, she went all vegetarian and it didn't work. She needed a lot more iron in her diet because football is not a sport for idlers. She wasn't charging up her batteries very well you can say. That's all fixed now.

Reporter 3: You are very young captain at 18 years old, but you seem to be handling it.
Kate: It's grooming, you all know who my mother is. She's passing on the torch to me on the football field. I learn a lot from her.

Reporter 4: Can Jeruselem win this cup?
Kate: We have 32 teams left, any of them can win it. I can talk about our chances if we make the final, which is a big if still.

Reporter 5: Is Hikfie as stupid as she looks?
Kate: Yes, she's not very smart. But she's a nice person, one of the nicest people you can meet. I'm a bit bitchy for some people, but Princesses are expected to be bitchy.

Reporter 6: How come we never see or hear much of Kate Bush, your coach?
Kate: She's got a different style to Dazza Dallas. My mother is an attention whore, Kate Bush is the opposite. I'm like my mother, but people should know that already.

Reporter 7: What's the secret of the Jeruselem strike force with includes yourself?
Kate: Speed, we aren't a strength team. Unlike some teams who kinda blast their way, we like the running game. If we had more males in this team, then tactics would be different.

Reporter 8: Which team you fear the most?
Kate: Ariddia, I'm quarter Ariddian and I know how World Class that team is. I could play for Ariddia if I live there but I'm not.

Reporter 9: What you think of Fix Foster, your defender of Qazox?
Kate: She's good. Not as good as Rashina Dallas but she's always putting in the hard work. She had a good game against her homeland today.

Reporter 10: I heard there was a bit of sex scandal with your friend Scarlet Ferris? What happened.
Kate: Err, sex scandal without a Dallas? I'll have to ask her. She's a bit slutty, although not as bad as Mum.

Reporter 11: What about you?
Kate: I'm behaving myself, well I'm trying anyway. It's hard, when you're the daughter of Dazza Dallas - you're always getting this urge. I'm under control, I think but don't expect that to last.

The Stade de l'Îles, around if not in Ad'ihan proper, could host 67,000 fans. Some of that space, naturally, was occupied by Ad'ihan aficionados wanting to scope out the opposition before the hosts met either team. But neither Wentland (yet) or Zwangzug had sent a large delegation.

So the e-Lipogram reporter had fairly free rein, following the game, to poke around. "Hi," he said to a fan. "Any thoughts about today's match?"

"Like, dude," the Wentland supporter replied casually, "it was pretty sweet."

"Oh? How so?"

"Well, did ya see, like, that one dude get wiped out?"

"I was watching Faustino's foul."

"Yeah, that's it. Hey, dude, you got a phone? I wanna call all my buddies."

"No, sorry. I'm using my laptop, too."

"Ah, well. No worries, dude." He sauntered off down the hallways.

A little confused, the journalist strolled onward, eventually making his way to the Zwangzug locker rooms, and knocking on the outermost door.

"We're closed," Andrew yelled back.

So he waited until Mcgimpy was done lambasting the players, and then accosted them on their way out. "Hi-Stings, right? What did you think about your goal?"

Phillip gave a simple thumbs-up sign as he jogged past.

"Where was that energy during the game?" the coach raged.

"Sir, who'll start for Faustino during Zwangzug and Jasi'yun's match?"

"Seven, I think," he replied, referring to defender Natalie Instonenext.

"Thanks. How will your squad study for it?"

"Like I'm going to share that with the rest of the world?!"

"Aha, good point. Sorry about that. Did you know your opposition would play with such skill?"

"No," Simon Ryne replied sullenly.

"That squad has odd ways of talking about its individual "Swifts", such as..." He glanced at the last available roster. "Crash, Davo, Jaws, and so on." He looked again: the nicknames would be helpful when writing his article. The only problem was that "Lethal" Lennie Newton, who had scored both goals, still couldn't be mentioned directly. "Was that intimidating for you?"

"We don't really care," Timothy replied.

"All right. Hanson, it looks as if that was a tiring match for you."

"They all are."

"Was this in particular? You had to watch out for an amount of ground high not only normal standards, but also your squad's."

"Yeah, it was odd. Usually Andrew's the brutal one."

The reporter nodded. "And finally, Faustino, what all of us want to know: what was going on? Why did you cut down Clay?"

For a second the defender stopped pacing and stared with focus, as if straining to remember. "Dunno," he muttered.

Joeseph Rescotte: Another loss for Oliverry... See how we suck?

Tom Pensée: That, we do. I should go to bed now...

Joeseph Rescotte: It's only 23:33...

Tom Pensée: Only? I had a hard day... First, someone told me to fuck off, then somebody else said I was a pansy... That's hard on the morale, you know?

Joeseph Rescotte: That guy is right: Of course you're a pansy...

Tom Pensée: I AM NOT! *runs away to his room, crying like a baby*

Joeseph Rescotte: Hmmm... We'll have to prepare for our match against Oliver City FC... I'll leave everyone a message that there will be a practice tomorrow...

The next morning

*Phone rings*

Joeseph Rescotte (In a very tired voice): Allo

Jean Duchesne: Bonjour Joeseph. I'm Jean Duchesne for PNSY 104.1. How are you?

Joeseph Rescotte: Well, you just woke me up, to be honest.

Jean Duchesne: Alright. The reason why I wanted to call you was because I wanted to ask you if you were interested to participate in a debate about Oliverry's 0-1 loss vs. Vilita. Do you agree?

Joeseph Rescotte: It's 6:30 for god's sake. When do you want me to be in studio?

Jean Duchesne: Not before 8:30. The debate is going to last 15 minutes, from 8:45 to 9:00. Do you agree now?

Joeseph Rescotte: Of course, I do.

Jean Duchesne: Thank you M. Rescotte. See ya.

Joeseph Rescotte: Bye. *hangs on phone* Time to wake up I suppose...

At 8:10

Joeseph Rescotte, driving his car: CRISSE DE TRAFIC! I'M STUCK IN IT!

Radio: Welcome to PNSY! It's 8:10, my name is Jean Duchesne and I'm hre with you until 10:30. A great day in Oliver City today, as the temperature should get as high as 38°C. Not a good thing for tonight's game opposing Olivery City FC and Marshalliston United, to be presented on PNSY. Later, we'll have both managers, namely Joeseph Rescotte and Kenneth Blackburn to speak with us of Oliverry's loss and other subjects about soccer. This, at 8:45...

At 8:35, in PNSY's studios

Jean Duchesne: And now, we're taking a break. Next will be the sports news and, then, a debate with Joseph Rescotte and Kenneth Blackburn. All of this on PNSY 104.1, Oliver City. *closes the microphone* Salut Joeseph! Content de te voir ici.

Joeseph Rescotte: Bonjour M. Duchesne. Where's Blackburn?

Jean Duchesne: Right there *points at the other guy in the room*

Joeseph Rescotte: Kenneth's got a new haircut? Looks like Ron Queen (OOC: Parody of Don King, for those who don't get it).

Kenneth Blackburn: Don't laugh at my haircut, I lost a bet with Tom Pensée yesterday...

Joeseph Rescotte: And what was the bet?

Kenneth Blackburn: The one who would be able to get to bed the faster. He beat me by 11 seconds. That sucks

Joeseph Rescotte: Ah! So that's why he went to bed so fast.

Kenneth Blackburn: I suppose. Now, I owe him 1093 Oliver Dollars. He's really a pansy...

10 minutes later

Jean Duchesne: And now, I welcome Kenneth Blackburn, manager of Oliver City FC de la Première Division de la LPS and Joeseph Rescotte, manager of Marshalliston United, in the same league. Bienvenue à vous deux!

Joeseph and Kenneth: Bonjour!

Jean Duchesne: So, let's speak about our national team right now. They had a very frustrating loss yesterday, 1-0. What is your reaction to that?

Kenneth Blackburn: Vilita was the better team. Period.

Joeseph Rescotte: Yes, but the players could have given a better effort that just staring at the ball while the Vilitans were passing it to each other.

Kenneth Blackburn: I shall agree with you now. But I say that, even if we had played, I'm not even sure we'd have tied that game. In fact, both teams played smoothly. Imagine what would have happened if Vilita played well...

Jean Duchesne: Sorry to interrupt you there guys, but we just received an e-mail from Tom Pensée. It says: "Hi guys. Kenneth's the real pansy. He cannot honour a bet. Joeseph cannot drink correctly and all of you are err... "enn - zero - zero - bee - ess". What do you answer?

Joeseph Rescotte: At least, I don't play Eveningburg Cross when I'm supposed to be managing a game, eh?

Kenneth Blackburn: Wait... Pensée did that?

Joeseph Rescotte: Yes, he did. That assistant manager is getting on my nerves, seriously. If he could only drink correctly and stop speaking slowly or too fast, he would be nice. But now, he just sucks.

Kenneth Blackburn: Yeah, I feel you: My old Assistant was worse: he'd drink every night and sleep early when he'd not. Really, I had to fire him. Lower division soccer sucks...

Jean Duchesne: May I remind you we're live? PNSY won't put a 7 second delay like OBC did with Ron Berry when he said that Casarans were a bunch of pansies because they played hockey with a helmet...

Joeseph Rescotte: Sorry...

Jean Duchesne: Now, time for our second topic, tonight's game. Let me remind you that the game will be presented here at 19:00 AOTC, beginning with pre-match, then the game at 19:30. Now, who will win?

Joeseph and Kenneth: Us!

Jean Duchesne: Both of you?

Joeseph and Kenneth: No: Our team will!

Jean Duchesne: You are confusing me now. You are both managing the same team?

Joeseph and Kenneth: No!

Jean Duchesne: Why are you both answering the same thing then?

Joseph and Kenneth: Because my team will win tonight.

Jean Duchesne: Why can't they stop kidding when they are together... Now, they're laughing together, cheering themselves because they knew it was a great joke to make to this show. Anyway, Merci beaucoup!

Joseph and Kenneth: Ça m'a fait plaisir!

Elven Times
Glory In Thy Goddess

Today, on the anniversery of Elune being made a goddess, that it would be the national football team that would steal the headlines from the celebration. Though there were parades of all size and decor in every city of significance throughout the country, all of it was ceased for those two hours when the gods of theri time demolished the upstat Oickoidia, who must of had some divine grace to even reach this stage of the competition. Whatever be the cause of these so called oppenents entrance into the Proper of the greatest competition in sports, it was with due justice that the Navy and Black blew away the competition with the class and depth that Constant has contructed.

Yes the important thing for many this day is the fact that the football team won and is on their way into the knockout rounds for the fifth straight tournament, but there is something we can all take away from this. It was the belief in each other, themselves, and their coaches abilities over the past thirty-six years that enabled the squad to mature into the world power that is has become. This belief is strong throughout each citizen that makes up the ESF, but not in just a mere football team, but their godess, who they have devoted their lives to.

Coming to this country from a very different culture, it was very odd for me to understand the devotion that this group of elves showed in their religion and its principals. It felt almost like fanaticism, but as I have lived here over the past twenty-four years, I have grown to understand and admire their resolute faith and devotion. Unlike some of the other religions of this world, Elunism does not call for the destruction of non-believers or insult the beliefs of other faiths. Instead, it merely mandates that each of its followers to live their life as pure and as kind as possible. Through her example, Elune provided a basis for all the good that has come out of the country. Though to others it may quite simple and impossible to follow through, it is these simple askings of the faith that make it such a wonderful way of life. And it comes full circle with this group of players who represent our very strange and unique country, and they do so with the grace and honor that would make even Elune proud.

Elves Security Forces 4
Ikles Razov (13)
Kiso Night (29)
Rick Cuellar (44, 49)

Scorers
Kiso Night 14
Laborious Hawk 10
Ikles Razov 5
Jere Jannian 4
Rick Cuellar 3

Schedule
Proper
MD1: ESF v Oickoidia 4-0
MD2: ESF v Qazox
MD3: ESF v Jeruselem

Qualifying
MD1: ESF v Audioslavia 5-0
MD2: Sativaville v ESF 0-1
MD3: ESF v Cookesland 2-2
MD4: The Crescent Republic v ESF 1-3
MD5: ESF v Wentland 2-1
MD6: Bushes Been Quaked v ESF 3-4
MD7: ESF v Prux 2-2
MQF: ESF v Az-cz
MQF: ESF v Bettia 0-1
MD8: Audioslavia v ESF 0-2
MD9: ESF v Sativaville 2-0
MD10: Cookesland v ESF 0-0
MD11: ESF v The Crescent Republic 2-1
MD12: Wentland v ESF 0-2
MD13: ESF v Bushes Been Quaked 2-1
MD14: Prux v ESF 0-3
PQF: ESF v Jeruselem 3-0

Article by Luna Santapa

Jeruselem Government News

TOO MANY FOREIGNERS IN FOOTBALL say local "men"

A local men's group organised by media outlet Man Media Corporation who only seem employ men, say there are too many foreign players in the Jeruselem football team.

They cite the "Dallas" girls as an Ariddian takeover of Jeruselem football with players such as Fix Foster (from Qazox), and many other foreign-born or originated players in the Jeruselem World Cup team. They think it's time only 100% Jeruselemites should play in the team, anyone with any foreign blood should removed.

One look at Jeruselem's team and it looks like a foreign team.

Ariddia - Kate Dallas, Hikfie Dallas, Fifi Renault (3)
Qazox - Fix Foster (1)
Asians - Chelsea Cho-Cho (1)

Other (3)
Celine Dion - Possibly from New Montreal States
Dazza Deux - Not totally human
Scarlet Ferris - Possibly from Oliverry

Yes, that's a total of 8 in the team and mostly French!. Oh, and the assistant coach Sark Kozy is a foreigner too. Is that a REAL issue?

No, we don't think so. Foreigners help the local football system with new ideas and new methods to the current ones. In the past, foreigners didn't travel to Jeruselem to play their club football but we have lots of overseas teams sending players here and we take their players. It's good we have experience of these players as locals learn how other World Cup teams play.

Most of the Jeruselem squad are still locals but the stars seem to be foreign-born. Now, why is that? All our big names like the Dallas girls are big names overseas, yet few locals get the same attention. Apart from Dinkie Dosha, most Jeruselemites are anonymous. Why is that?

It's our culture. We may have a lot of religious leaders but in sport, we aren't doing the same thing. It seems most of the team don't want to be the leader, hence this is why people like Dazza and Kate Dallas take advantage. Yes, we have had locals like Abrams Tunk and Kate Bush in the past but no one talks about them now. They still talk about Dazza Dallas, who's retired into her other interests.

It's not the numbers, it's the perception. When you see our football team, the locals are there but they are invisible. We have the shiny foreigners who steal our attention but our locals are working away in the background.