NationStates Jolt Archive

Amda-Mo: A second straight impressive victory you'd have to say.

Lur-Mn: It was nice to be sure. We even played well after Pizelkaxrovsky was taken off in the second half, increasing our lead from 2-1 to 4-1.

Amda-Mo: Let's talk about that. Why do you think Pizelkaxrovsky was taken off at a point early in the second half with our team up just a goal and no injuries or cards to speak of?

Lur-Mn: Pizelkaxrovsky is incredibly spry for a 35 year old, but let's face it, he's 35. Zax-Im has to find rest for him. Ip-Gp looked to be playing well and the defense was playing well, despite the one goal allowed. So it was a bit of a calculated risk.

Amda-Mo: But we didn't see such a move against Sorthern Northland.

Lur-Mn: True. Hard to say why. Maybe he wanted to see the team react in a comfortable, but not pressureless environment without P-Rov. I don't have any problems with that move.

Amda-Mo: Speaking of the old players, let's get back to the Nerazzurri watch.

Lur-Mn: Better today. The goal really wasn't his fault. Sometimes the other team just makes a good counter attack or set play. The former led to the goal today. He's still got the tactical ability to cover for his declining physical condition in slower paced games. But he can't compete in track meets.

Amda-Mo: General thoughts on the team after four matches?

Lur-Mn: Well we've got all 12 points. Which is important and worth something, even if we've only faced the bottom teams in the group. So we're clicking along, but we're about to find out about the true character of the team.

Amda-Mo: Indeed, next up is Candelaria and Marquez. This game looks interesting on a number of levels.

Lur-Mn: It sure does. First there's the political stuff, with Candelaria and Marquez troubled by the fact that most of the players aren't human. Then there's the fact that they've yet to lose, although they've only found one win. They're currently sitting in fourth place and look to be a threat. However I think we'll be playing with a lot of motivation to show them just what non-humans can do on the pitch. If we play like we should that added motivation should carry us on to victory. It will be a good test for us.

Amda-Mo: Indeed. Looking at the rest of the group any thing interesting?

Lur-Mn: Nope. The top three are doing what they should. Really not exciting at all.

Amda-Mo: Does that hold true for the rest of the groups?

Lur-Mn: It did on match day 4, for the most part, yes. The top teams basically held serve, although Squornshelous hit another snag. They're struggling to find the form that brought them a cup five cups ago. The big news was Jeruselem taking down Quakmybush. It was a very good game and Quakmybush can't feel too bad about losing to Jeruselem, but it does catapult the crusaders ahead. Just as an aside, it's interesting to see Lovisa on top of their group.

Amda-Mo: Well I'm sure that win vaulted Jeruselem into the top six, but lets see who joins them there.

Lur-Mn:

6. Az-cz

Well there we are. I thought about leaving us off the list, but as one of the last six teams with perfect records and having won easily the last two matches I didn't see how I could leave us off. Still I'm not overly impressed. A slip up against Candelaria and Marquez and things go right back in the bin.

5. Bazalonia

Like his old team, coach Hawdon has gotten four victories against lower lights, although Spruitland and Dance 2 Revolution are more impressive than anything we've seen. This fifth place spot is not at all a denegration on Bazalonia, just a quirk of the schedule. If they keep playing the way they are they'll move up.

4. Schiavonia

Sorting out these upper four spots is quite difficult. For my money I'd put Rejistania as the least impressive best victory of the top teams, which is what keep Schiavonia pinned here. Still they're once again putting on an excellent qualifying run.

3. Elves Security Forces

It gives you an idea of how well all of the top teams are playing that a team could win 3-0 away and be in danger of slipping. I almost vaulted Schiavonia past the Elves but think the Elves have just been a touch better so far. Interesting that the top two teams are both outside this list while numbers 3,4 and 5 are all here. Could one of them actually break through?

2. Jeruselem

Like us hadn't had any opportunities to show their true skill. When the chance finally came, in the form of the visiting Quakmybush Sharks, they took advantage. The Sharks showed the skill that had them in the top spot, but Jeruselem was clearly the better side and made notice that they'll do their darndest to break the Audioslavian curse.

1. Alasdair I Frosticus

They have to be quite pleased with the way things are unfolding out in the dreamed realm. The Archregimancy is playing well and on top of their group and the Holy Empire is on top of the whole cup. First they beat what looks like a strong Grotewohl side and then they travelled to Vilita and picked up a win there as well. That's two big names taken down, while slotting home as many goals as anyone and having the second best goal differential. We don't understand exactly how their matches work as they seem to talk the ball around the pitch without exactly moving. But it certainly is working. You just never know what to expect from those citizens of disordinary reality.

Amda-Mo: Disordinary reality, eh? I like it.

Lur-Mn: Much better than unordinary, isn't it. Thought it up myself.

Amda-Mo: And with that little linguistic gem, we'll bid adieu.

OOC: I apologise for this rather short two-RPs-in-one post, have been busy and it's late. I'll write a better one over the weekend.

4-0 win sparks celebrations in Ad'ihan

Ad'ihan's national football team recorded their first-ever win in emphatic fashion with a 4-0 thrashing of Tylero at home in front of 70,000 adoring fans at the Protectorate Stadium. Braces either side of the break from Julian D'Abbo and Lee Conway settled the tie, with the home side romping to a comfortable victory despite what many critics condemned as boring football.

"The only played 15 minutes of the match," said one unnamed "renowned football expert", "they were lucky. The goals were good by the Tylero defending was atrocious and Ad'ihan could afford to sit back."

Regardless, team manager Jason Helmer was pleased with the result. "Of course I'm pleased. 4-0 is a very significant scoreline for us, and we'll be looking to build on this for our upcoming match - a very difficult one - against the Elves."

http://img510.imageshack.us/img510/5118/adihan40es7.png

ESF pose no surprises, wreck Ad'ihan 3-0
The Elves Security Forces posed no surprises today as they easily walked all over an inexperienced Ad'ihan side coming off a 4-0 high. The match, played in Capri, ended 3-0 to the hosts.

The Elves absolutely dominated the game from start to finish, with Ad'ihan only getting three shots at goal throughout the 94 minutes played - and only one of those came anywhere close to testing Jacob St. Capri in goal.

Helmer was defiant after the game. "I think our boys had a good game. They're ranked 4th in the world. We're a new side. We did well against Tylero and we did well again today. This is just a minor setback."

In training back at the secret military base in Grotewohl. FLoG is playing its starters against the substitutes. After a goal scored by Qak against Erodo, Wen stops play for a quick strategy talk.

Wen: This seems to not be the best way to practice this. B team has no experience in actual gameplay and is not giving enough of a challenge. For now, lets switch the defenses so that A offense is against A defense.

Qak laughes a little: I'm coming for you Goobam!

Goobam: Hmph.

After play for awhile it has become obvious that the offense is much stronger than the defense. Goobam manages to stop most shots, but Ryn'raye and Rad'pole are letting the ball past them way too much. After a while Wen calls the team together again.

Wen: Ryn'raye and Rad'pole step up your play. It is quite unseemly for you to allow so many shots on goal. Do you have anything to say for yourselves?

Rad'pole and Ryn'raye: No Sir.

Wen: Very well then. The two of you are to train against each other during all times in which we are not training as a team, playing a match or sleeping.

Rad'pole and Ryn'raye: Yes Sir.

Normal training continued, which now a days is mostly simulating matchplay. After the daily training was over, Rad'pole and Ryn'raye could be seen practicing into the middle of the night. Occasionally another FLoG player or two would join in.

So is the life of FLoG players. Always striving for the perfection that they know they can achieve.

In the locker room after practice before today’s match against Homieville. The team’s manager, Maarten Timmons, opens his office door and peaks his head out.

Maarten Timmons: “Stef, can I see you a minute?”

Stef Wiekens: “Sure Maarten.”

Stef Wiekens steps into Maarten’s office. Out in the locker room, the other players discuss what may be happening.

Skipper Schaers: “What do you think that’s all about?”

Veit Schoeman: “I’ll bet he’s getting benched. The pressure’s on and Stef just hasn’t been playing that great.”

Vader Schut: “Then I guess we should all be benched, eh?”

Veit Schoeman: “Well, I know I didn’t give up the tying goal on a bad penalty. Plus, he made another key mistake in the match against Fmjphoenix. He gave up that tying goal too. If it weren’t for him, we’d be 3-0-1 right now instead of 1-2-1.”

Vader Schut: “Don’t be so hard on him. It’s not like you’ve never made any mistakes before. I seem to remember a certain EPL Championship match in which you gave up the game winning goal.”

Veit Schoeman: “Ok, everybody just lay off Stef, he’s doing the best he can.”

Meanwhile, in Maarten Timmons’ office.

Maarten Timmons: “Stef, I’ve decided to move Tiebout up to the starting eleven, and he’s going to be taking your place. I know you’ve been working hard, but things just aren’t working out there. Tiebout has been training extra hard, and he feels that he deserves the shot. I feel so too.”

Stef Wiekens: “I understand what you’re saying, Maarten, but I’ve been out there working my arse off this whole tournament, not to mention the Baptism of Fire. I think our second place finish there was mostly due to me.”

Maarten Timmons: “Well, you were part of the team and you did play pretty well, but that attitude is part of the problem. This is a team, Stef. We work together as a team to win, and we take credit as a team. I think it’s best if you sit this one out and let Tiebout get his chance.”

Stef Wiekens: “But he’s just a kid – he’s only 18!”

Maarten Timmons: “Skipper’s just a kid, too, and look at what he’s been doing for this team. And you don’t see him acting like it’s all due to him either. He knows he’s part of the team. I suggest you take some time to think about that and decide if you are really part of this team or not.”

Stef stomps out of Maarten’s office and slams the door behind him. Maarten opens the door back up.

Maarten Timmons: “Tiebout, can you come in here please.”

Tiebout Ensminger, the 18-year old defenseman from Powerhouse hurries into the office and closes the door behind him. Out in the locker room, Stef is angry and venting, and starts taking off his uniform.

Stef Wiekens: “I can’t believe he’d do this, after all I’ve done for this team! And Tiebout’s just a kid! He can’t possibly fill my role!”

Vader Schut: “I know it sucks, Stef, but you can’t question Maarten’s decision. He has to do what’s best for the team.”

Stef Wiekens: “So you think this is what’s best for the team? Losing?”

Veit Schoeman:“You know, some of us other players have some talent too. You’re not the only pro player on this team. That’s what it is you know, a team.”

Stef Wiekens: “Whatever. F*ck you. I’m out of here.”

Stef grabs his bag and leaves.

Vader Schut: “Real mature.”

Veit Schoeman: “What a pussy.”

Back in Maarten Timmons’ office.

Maarten Timmons: “Tiebout, you will be starting in Stef’s position today. I expect you to step up.”

Tiebout Ensminger: “I won’t let you down, sir. You can count on me.”

MD5 RP cutoff

MD5 scores (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12910624&postcount=7)

Playing away to the top team in the group was pretty much never going to produce anything other than disappointment, and sure enough it was Milchama who emerged comfortably triumphant against Kura-Pelland, the 3-0 score about in line with expectations.

Milchama never seemed to even consider the prospect of defeat; knowing that tougher tasks lie ahead, they chose to rest the unpredictable prodigy Avi Belmowitz in favour of Tilar Flitty, and that move paid dividends as Flitty scored one and made another.

The first goal, however, had nothing to do with Flitty. It came on 19 minutes, and it came in quite remarkable fashion. There seemed little danger when Walter Tensen conceded a free kick just under 40 yards from goal, and indeed there was no defensive wall formed. But nobody reckoned on Kent Rolt unleashing a thunderbolt shot that curled from left to right and dipped into the top corner. Goalkeeper Scott Walsh was left stunned.

Milchama took their foot off the gas at that point, but were jolted into life on the half-hour when a simple Rolt pass was intercepted by Neil Forrest. A quick counter-attack was launched, with Forrest exchanging passes with Clive Townsend before crossing for Jamie Kirklees - however, his header clipped the top of the crossbar.

That was as close as the visitors came to an upset. Six minutes later Flitty's lofted pass was chested down by Mark E Forent, rushing in from the left wing, and he duly chipped Walsh from the corner of the penalty area. Then three minutes into the second half, the game was killed off for good when Kevin Flossmore stormed past Tom Curatin before squaring the ball for Flitty to tuck the ball past Walsh at the far post.

'They were superb goals, the first one came from nowhere but I'm not sure how much blame you can pin on Walsh for it,' said manager Andy Woolworth. 'I think he just didn't see it coming, he was in position for a cross. Well, you wouldn't expect a shot, would you?'

Woolworth pointed out that 'realistically, the Yafor 2 game was always going to be the big one,' and this was why he made three late substitutions. 'I don't want any injuries for that one.' It is believed he will opt for a slightly cautious approach for this match as he considers Yafor 2 to be very dangerous on the counter-attack.

OOC: change style to -1 for MD6 only

New Qazian Press

Pheonix Flying High

At Champions Field in Qazox City, Qazox won it's 4th straight match 2-0 over a determined, but overwhelmed Collonie side. The match was over quickly as the Pheonix got 2 early goals from Yancy Fry, in the 17th and 24th minutes. but the true story was the seemingly over-hyper referees that called 3 yellow cards on Qazox for ticky-tack fouls. Oleg Halcho gained his 2nd one for a tackle that was clean from my view, but earned him a card nontheless. Halcho will be unavble to play in the next match due to that card. And 2 of our stikers were given cards for arguing offsides calls. Despite the poor offciating, the Pheonix still go in to the next match on a roll.

And the next match is the big one. Az-cz vs. Qazox. First time ever these two teams have met on the pitch. A match up of two good defensive teams that can score. In the qualifers, this will be the biggest match for each side, as the winner, if there is one, will establish themselves as the team to beat in this group.


Match Summary:
17': Goal (QZX) Yancy Fry
23': Goal (QZX) Yancy Fry
35': YC (QZX) Oleg Halcho
45+': YC (QZX) Tomas Richter
Sub 73' (QZX) Griffey for Richter
89': YC (QZX) John Griffey


Shots:
Qazox: 10
Collonie: 6

Corners:
Qazox: 4
Collonie: 3

FOULS:
Qazox: 11
Collonie: 4

An unpredictable situation was occurring in Estresse Intenso. Be Calm television channel, the official channel of the Landau Institute, was being watched by most of the citizens of Estresse Intenso, wanting to see the National Team playing against the favourites of Schiavonia. With a good campaign after four games, the population got excited with the real possibility of see its football team playing a World Cup in the country of its rivals, Cafundéu.

The Be Calm channel was ever accessible to all citizens of Estresse Intenso. But of course, the "sane" citizens didn't want to see programs made especially for doctors and "strange" people. The ones who used to watch Be Calm were considered crazy or idiots. But all this situation changed when the president Gilberto Cerqueira talked about the interest in playing the World Cup in Cafundéu. This objective started to be called Projeto Copa, and the population of Estresse Intenso got interested in football.

The World Cup qualifiers game between Estresse Intenso and Schiavonia was broadcasted after the famous program Today's Medicine. And the doctors played its usual defensive strategy. After some confusions with the coach The Machine, which were followed by a draw against Bercktesgaden, the players returned to obey the orders given by the earphones, and The Machine could control the team. Defending with lots of doctors, and attacking only in counterattacks, Estresse Intenso surprised Schiavonia during the first half, playing in the same level of its opponents, although with a completely different strategy. The first half ended, and some supporters of the "outside world" (not from the Landau Institute), started to comment about the game:

"What a boring defensive style. This is anti-football, not quality football."

"It's effective. The result is what matters, not the quality of the game."

"The goalkeeper seems very old, but the team still didn't suffer a single goal!"

"That doctor, Zetti, controls the ball in the midfield. He should attack more, he holds the ball too much!"

"That doctor Sabin is really beautiful..."

"Schiavonia is a much better team. You'll see that the goal will soon happen."

"Those doctors from the Institute know how to defend. Look, the second half will start."

In the second half, the boring game continued. Schiavonia attacking even more, and Estresse Intenso defending. When Matoso suffered a foul, the whole country could hear he shouting. As no supporters are allowed in the Sector Delta Sporting Field, all the words from the field could be heard in the television. The draw seemed a fair result, but not for Schiavonia's coach. He ordered the team to attack even more. But he didn't know that The Machine knew that he was going to do that. The coach prepared the decisive attack, using Sabin and Pitangui, who substituted Garrido (who had to make a surgery in a patient). The Estressados started their deadly counterattack. And, in the end, Sabin scored the goal.

This result shocked everyone in Estresse Intenso, inside and outside the Landau Institutes. Some paranoic patients couldn't believe in the result, they thought that the television was deceiving them. Only after nearly one hour, the first supporters started to commemorate the victory. The football team composed by doctors is uniting two different worlds.

http://www.freewebs.com/abduldukhirahiq/FAWA%20Logo.jpg
Disorganized Officials Finally Get Act Together, Field Squad

Western Afghanistan's Under-Secretary of Sport Ali Hirilashir made a statement today in the capital of Herat.

"Though I am a mere government official," he said while dragging a suspected political dissenter by the ear, "I believe I am speaking for the entire Football Association of Western Afghanistan when I say I am deeply sorry for the delay in our fielding of a squad for the 36th World Cup Qualifying matches. As most West Afghans know, we have been dealing with some security issues in our nation for several months now, as several (and I quote here) 'pro-democracy advocates' had been plotting to overthrow our noble socialist government. The solution has been resolved," as Hirilashir paused to signal to a military lieutenant to send the prisoner to a gas chamber, "and we are proud to announce the squad that will be competing once again in international football."

Though most of the international community had in fact not known that there were political problems sweeping through the nation of Western Afghanistan, they had noticed that something was terribly amiss, as the team that took the field in the first five matchdays of the group stage was made up exclusively of Bactrian Camels and Nojikan Walking Venus Flytraps. Amazingly, this confused and ragtag collection of wildlife managed to win a match and draw two more in its short campaign. Whether this says something about the footballing ability of Western Afghanistan's flora and fauna, or about the lack thereof in the Sorke-o-siahe's first five opponents, is unclear.

Dinkie Dosha and Kate Dallas looked at the scores sheet before THE FOOTBALL LIFE


Group 3
Qazox 2–0 Collonie

Group 4
Jeru FC 1–2 Kiryu-shi

Group 5
Green Wombat 4–2 Bettia

Group 7
Vephrall 0–2 Ariddia

Group 9
Patusan 1–1 Jeruselem
Northern Bettia 4–1 Planting
Trumanistan 5–0 Noirthemme
Quakmybush 3–0 St Samuel


Dinkie: The Pheonix fly again. They are going well.
Kate: Yeah, but Collonie aren't exactly a test. 3 points is still 3 points.
Dinkie: I hope you're not going make one of those jokes.
Kate: I'm the Dallas, I have say something stupid!

Dinkie: Let's see, Jeru FC - lost again!
Kate: They did put in a fight this time. Not a bad result.
Dinkie: They'll be lucky to get more than that win this cup.
Kate: Match day 8 - expect another win then 6 losses.

Dinkie: Err, this is bogus! How can those Wombats beat the Aroras.
Kate: What, this is wrong. Betta don't lose to wombats! Mum!
Dazza: Yeah kids?
Kate: Is this real? Green Wombat beating Bettia FOUR TWO?

Dazza: Oh, I didn't know that ... it must be ... woah!
Kate: Gee that are hot and cold, Bettia.
Dazza: Yeah, they can't draw it seems.
Dinkie: Well, that's the result for us to talk about.

Dinkie: At least Ariddia won again, good for Bikey and daughter here.
Kate: They have't lost a game either, so it's not all bad.
Dinkie: Can't have too many draws though.
Kate: They are doing alright, Ariddia are just starting slow and steady.

Dinkie: ONE ALL draw with Patusan (grumbles)
Kate: It'd be FIVE ONE if you strikers had shot straighter
Dinkie: I know ...
Dazza: Dinkie had an off day, err so did the other strikers. Come on you lot, we can't win this cup with draws.

Dinkie: Planting lost again. Those Gogs are playing real well Dazza.
Dazza: Yes, they are winning - so we must beat St Samuel girls. No more draws, I want wins. If the Quaks and Gogs play like this, we must keep winning.
Dinkie: We play the Gogs on match day 7, away.
Dazza: At least they like us, more specifically you, me and Kate. Undressed ...

Dinkie: Noirthemme lost again, to Trumanistan and badly.
Dazza: Wooden spooners!
Dinkie: Let's move along, we know who the bottom 3 will be now.
Dazza: Kate I want bottomfeeder jokes (smiles)

Dinkie: The Quaks beat our fellow Crusaders, and very well too.
Dazza: So why can be beat the Quaks and not this lot here?
Dinkie: It's horrible here, stinking hot and humid. The Quak game was at home, in your stadium.
Kate: A blow for St Samuel as they don't need the Gogs or Quaks winning like this. Hey, where's that Crazy John Bozat?

Dazza: I've been looking for him. Maybe he got himself into another fight and got thrown in gaol again.
Dinkie: He should do something about that temper.
Kate: And we haven't found him yet?
Dazza: I'll ring the local police or whatever, I normally have to bail him out of gaol.

Dinkie: I didn't see him on the bus.
Dazza: He was missing, but then he often gets into trouble at the airport. You know, arguing with vending machines and trying to smash them.
Kate: So we lost him at the airport?
Dazza: Normally we find him again, but not this time. I have to go and find him. Odd, we have his luggage - he never claimed it.

Kate: Strange ...
Dinkie: Isn't he always trying to get you into bed?
Kate: Err, I think so!
Dazza: BIKE! (giggles)

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/daehanjeiguk.pngDaehanjeiguk || 1 - 1 || Cebumopolishttp://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cebumopolis.png

A draw at home threatened position stability!

http://www.lastkick.com/wp-content/P_Korea_Bosnia.jpg

The scene in Hanseong was of disappointment, ire, and cheer. The Imperial Team stood up to the lower seed and managed only to walk away with a draw, after what was a bad mark for the team overall and a general disappointment.

The match started slowly, with both sides equally sharing the ball. The crowds cheered, but following the loss at Wentland, the team was apparently down on mood and morale. Today's performance didn't help either, as they conceded an early goal in the 30th minute. The match closed at halftime with the score 0-1. Head Coach Cha Beomgeun was in ire as he provoked the team into a second half blitz that failed to convert a goal, but pressed the Cebumopolis team back into defense. It remained this way for the remainder of the match, as the Imperial side battled hard to score. By chance, Yi Dongguk's cross made it to the center field where Seo Jeongweon scored a plain but good shot that settled the score in the 79th minute. The desperate moves to make it 2-1 were lost out, as the exhausted team seemed confidently satisfied with the draw.

"We were beat at the start, and if it weren't for that last half blitz, we would have lost it all. Luckily we came back and made it a more comfortable draw," Head Coach Cha Beomgeun said in post game remarks, apparently with more time ahead of tomorrow's match in Jaseuyeon. "We were down still, and I think that we will be looking forward to the mid-qualifying friendlies, where we will have more time to rest and indeed we will have less trouble with the scores. We are still in this to qualify, if only in third position. Our next qualifying match against Jaseuyeon will be critical if we are to stay with a competing chance to advance." On the match against Wentland, Head Coach Cha Beomgeun said, "The team did well for what they were asked to do. Next time we play them, they will be at our place, and we already know how they play, so I feel more comfortable about that match. But our next match comes sooner, and I will be focusing my attention on making this one count." Seo Jeongweon, man of the match, was called for remarks after the match: "I must apologize to the fans, that we've disappointed you twice in a row. I hope that we can make it up by winning this next match."

The next match against Jaseuyeon will feature ethnic Han players, an interesting set-up for an international match. There has been talk within the Imperial Ministries and Cabinet to pursue political and diplomatic relations with the ethnic Han community, but no clear efforts have materialized yet. In any case, the Imperial Team will be making a voyage to Yupo in Sokojito of the Unified Capitalizt States - one of the future venues of the World Cup itself. This next match will be a welcome glimpse into the future of the team, should it qualify, and what kind of support they should expect from there. With the visas already settled (due to the World Cup pre-arrangements), many fans are expected to fill the stadiums in anticipation of the match, where a sea of red will fill the stands and cheer the team on to a critical victory.

So far, with 2 wins, 2 draws, and 1 loss, the Imperial Team holds a high 4th position (above Jaseuyeon by one point). The team needs at least one win to advance to third position, and two wins to advance to 1st position. Despite these set-backs, the Imperial Team still maintains a promising record that will need some extra work to continue advancing through the group.

Summary of Events:
30' - CEB Goal
79' - HAN Goal (#6)

The line up for the next match has been submitted as follows:

Kim Yongdae

Kim Chigon Pak Geonha Choi Jincheol

Wang Shinheun Yi Eulyong Go Jeongun Heo Jeongmu

Seo Jeongweon

Kim Daeeui Kim Eunjung

GROUP 12
Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Wentland 4 4 1 0 11 3 +8 13
2 The Archregimancy 4 3 2 0 10 4 +6 11
3 Jariss 4 2 3 0 8 4 +4 9
4 Daehanjeiguk 4 2 2 1 8 6 +2 8
5 Jaseuyeon 4 2 1 2 7 7 - 7
6 Bellzantium 4 1 1 3 7 6 +1 4
7 Cebumopolis 4 0 2 3 4 6 -4 2
8 Central Prestonia 4 0 0 5 2 19 -17 0

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Sel Appa Edition


Tourism
Sel Appa welcomes millions of tourists yearly. From business to vacation to exploration, people from all over the world enjoy visiting Sel Appa. There is no limit or quota on the number of tourists that may enter the country, however, there are, of course, restrictions similar to those followed by many Western countries. Regardless, it should not be hard for one to enter Sel Appa. There are many things to take into consideration when coming to Sel Appa.

Methods of Entry
There are several ways to enter Sel Appa. The main way is by plane. Usually, international flights land in Nemnenait International Airport or Anila City International Airport. These are the two largest airports in the nation and the only ones that serve nations that aren't on the Sel Appan continent. Air Sel Appa and Turtle Airlines are the main domestic carriers that will serve other countries. The second common way is by sea. Cruise ships often make harbor in one of Sel Appa's port cities. For those already on the continent, one may also take a train into Sel Appa. All three methods are considerably safe and streamlined ways of entry.

Visa
A visa is not required for:
-visitors from Comunisticturkeys, De Jewish Mafia, and MassPwnage
-visitors from any friendly nation for stays of under 60 days
-visiting sports teams for events
-other

You can apply for a visa at any Sel Appa embassy or consulate in your nation before you arrive. Alternatively, if you wish to extend your stay beyond the 60-day limit, you can apply at your embassy or consulate in Sel Appa. Most government offices also have application forms, which can be submitted at the office. These may take longer to process. Although it is best to apply in advance if you realize you may be staying beyond 60 days, you are given several days after you reach 60 to submit an application. Visas are almost always granted.

Entry
Customs
When you enter the country, you are issued a temporary ID card that lasts 60 days, after which you need to renew it. A visa automatically will renew your ID card. A grace period of several days is allowed beyond expiration so you can renew the card. Customs will have you declare items that may be restricted. Restricted items must be registered. Items that are banned can be checked at the border or entry point and retrieved when you leave. Any contraband or unregistered items found on your person or among your possessions, inside the country, will be confiscated and you may be deported.

Restricted Items:
-alcohol (no more than 8 alcohol units {80mL pure ethanol} may be brought into the country;alcoholic beverages are legal only for religious purposes, however, there is little enforcement as Sel Appans do not drink much alcohol)
-medications (virtually all medications are allowed in the country, regardless of if they legal;be sure to have the prescription with you or you may have to check the medications)
-artifacts/national treasures (these must have receipt and proof of approval from the country of origin, if there should be one)

Banned Items:
-all drugs other than medications, ethanol, and caffeine (bags are usually all sniffed at the border and you may check any drugs you have at the border or entry point;penalties for bringing drugs into the country are very stiff)
-animals (pets are allowed in, however Sel Appa does not tolerate the trafficking of animals and will readily confiscate any animal that is believed to be involved in animal trafficking)

Homosexuals
Sel Appans are very intolerant of homosexuals, however, this really only applies to homosexual behaviors. In the past, there has been strong prejudice against homosexuality. This has changed a lot, but it is best to keep a low-profile. Homosexual travelers should conceal their homosexuality (ie, not dress in drag, engage in homosexual behavior in public). The reason for the prejudice is the belief that homosexuality is unnatural and abnormal. There should be minimal, if any, problems if homosexuality is not publicized. If one's homosexuality is revealed, deportation is legal, but rarely used before a visa is needed.

Getting Around
There are plenty of ways to get around Sel Appa. The country has an enormous public mass transportation infrastructure that has rendered private automobiles almost obsolete. When visiting, one should at least tour their location on one form of mass transit. It can offer much excitement, as well as give a unique taste of the country.

Mass-Transit
The entire nation is an enormous network of several mass transportation systems. All of which are public and government-owned. As such, it is very cheap, even for foreigners. Expansive underground subways, known as the "Metro" connect parts of a city together and allow anyone to easily travel frm any part of a city to another. Nemnenait's metro system is the largest and expands into its suburbs. Automobiles are banned inside the city. Trains and monorails run service between cities and their suburbs. Buses connect rural areas to cities. High-speed trains travel between cities and provincial capitals. They travel at over 300 kph (186 mph). Slower trains are also available for a more leisurely ride. Prices for mass-transit are very low because it is government-owned.

Other

Crime
Crime is not a major problem in Sel Appa. Pickpocketing is uncommon in cities. There are more run-down sections of cities that may have elevated crime levels. If you suspect a crime was committed against you, your family, or your travelers, call 999 or your embassy/consulate.

Currency
The Sel Appan currency is the (copper) pound (£), divided into 100 pence (p). It is worth exactly 50g of pure copper. Coins comes in denominations of 1p, 5p, 10p, 20p, 50p, £1, and £2. Cash is denominated in £5, £10, £20, £50, £100, and £500 (rare).

Exchange Rates (as of 26 July 2007):
-£1 SAP = $0.388 USD
-£1 SAP = £0.189 GBP
-£1 SAP = €0.282 EUR
-£1 SAP = $0.409 CAD
-£1 SAP = $0.443 AUD
-£1 SAP = ¥46.209 JPY

Emergencies
The emergency phone number is 999 throughout Sel Appa. You will automatically be connected to a dispatcher or operator who will help you handle the situation. For less important emergencies, contact your embassy or consulate for advice.

Food and Drink
All styles of food are available in Nemnenait and Anila City. Oriental cuisine is widespread. Sel Appan cuisine, consisting of hearty stews, soups, and other things made from fresh vegetables, grains and meats. Fish is very rare and unpopular in Sel Appa, despite its potential availability. Most port cities will have some establishments that serve seafood. To drink, most common one will find water and juices. Sports drinks are also popular. Soda is not very popular in Sel Appa. It is believed to be bad for health. It is widely available, however.

Lodging
Lodging is not a problem in Sel Appa. All cities have several hotels of all sizes and ratings. Nemnenait has far more than other cities and a wider variety, including many themed hotels. Outside cities, motels are more common. These offer less accommodations than hotels. Bed and Breakfasts and Inns are also common in more rural parts of Sel Appa. The owners and managers of these establishments are usually very friendly and welcoming to guests from Sel Appa and abroad. It is also possible to rent a house or an apartment for longer durations. Furthermore, one can stay with a Sel Appan host family in a very unique and personal experience.

Photography
It is perfectly acceptable to photograph anything and anyone. However, one should ask people prior to taking their picture. If you are taking a photograph of a crowd, you need not ask permission. For government, military, transportation, and economic structures, it is best to call in advance to alert security that you are not a threat. You will likely be given an escort. Some government and military installations may be restricted.

Prostitution
Prostitution is illegal and foreigners supporting or engaging in prostitution are almost always deported to their nation of origin/departure.

Shopping
Sel Appa has many places to shop and buy souvenirs all over. The spread is similar to most Western nations and necessary goods may be obtained throughout the country. Cities have more specific-interest shops than rural areas.

Tipping
Gratuity is generally included in bills. Bellhops, deliverymen, housekeeping, and the like should usually be tipped a pound or two per day or use.




(Part 4 of an ongoing series for those planning to visit Sel Appa...)

Dazza and husband at home reading the Sel Appan tourist guides

Finn: Prostitution is illegal Dazza.
Dazza: Nah, I'm special!
Finn: Oh yes, you are the Jeruselem Ambassador to Ariddia which makes you different. Lady Dazza Dallas of Jeruselem.
Dazza: Anyway, prostitutes sleep for money - I do it to get business favours, which is different. It's called doing business.

Finn: Well, Sel Appa is very French still. Good place for you to holiday.
Dazza: I prefer Ariddia still.
Finn: Always the family person I see.
Dazza: You know that, family is everything!

Finn: Where's Kate?
Dazza: Cruising the streets with her boyfriend in his sports car.
Finn: I did that with you once, well before we got a family.
Dazza: Oh I have go! Have an meeting with some sponsors. You find some nice Sel Appan places to visit for me.

Finn: No problem

<Dazza runs off in hurry>

Jacinta: Dad!
Finn: Hey Jacinta, what's up.
Jacinta: What's this turtle place?
Finn: Sel Appa

Jacinta: Can we go?
Finn: Maybe
Jacinta: I like turtles
Finn: Ask your Mum.

Jacinta: Can I have pet turtle instead?
Finn: Well, if you take care of it.
Jacinta: I will, I've got a pet snake.
Finn: Don't put the two in same place.

Inside the Flaggon Dragon

<TV announcer:.. Ulzaxid lines up for the penalty kick here in the 90th minute, A goal here at it will be tied at 2-2. It's away and Javier Kogan COMES UP WITH THE SAVE!!! Oh man that wa a pure blast and some how kogan just got enough to knock it over the crossbar.. And that's It!! Potheads hold on to the 2-1 win over Ulzaxid! The Potheads are now 4-0-1 so far in qualifing, the best start the have ever had.
The Pothead's goals were scored by: Neil Verge, who started for Kelly Furfaro, in the 69th minute and the winner was scored by Lonnie Dejohn in the 84th, just 3 minutes after Ulzaxid tied it up.
Up next for the Potheads is a trip to Grotewohl. FloG has done well early in the qualifers so far, but the Potheads have won 4 in a row. For STV, this has been Brian Stewart.>


Police Chief Danner: I'm away for a week and you still win.

Mayor Cremit: Just riding a hot streak.

Danner: Bullshit, I think some how you're influencing the outcomes.

Cremit: Ok, I am. So what?

Danner: You're not serious... (Cremit nods his head yes). Oh my god...

Cremit: I got the team to score exactly what I want, whenever they are winning, and if i want them to lose, I tell them how many to lose by, except for the loss to the Holy Empire, Dammed Dream Realm, can't influence stuff there.

Danner: But how?

Cremit: Easy, just who do you think funds the team? It doesn't cost the city 7 million Weed Seeds for a new fire truck, hell, that only cost 500,000 WS.

Danner: I want in on this.. bad.

Cremit: Ok, but you'll have to forfeit the bet as to whether or not they'll make the Cup.

Danner: Deal, besides, didn't want to see you in a dress anyway. Where is that... nevermind here he comes now.

Bartender: So they won again huh? How much did you lose this time Chief?

Danner: None of your business, Now get my a Pawtucket Patriot, want something classy.

The bartender gets the beer and then goes to the back room again.

Bartender (on phone): "Sir it's worse than we feared, Mayor Cremit is actually influencing the team's results and is making millions off of it, and now Danner is in on it too." (The voice on the other end speaks for a bit) "Ok, Don Harado, but with out the cash, how'll I get them to involve me? (Don Harado talks again) Grazie, sir. I think 2 million WS would be just about the right amount.

The Sons of a Monkey are quickly gaining a reputation as the draw specialists of Group 10. After another dogged display against Kampfers where they came away with a 1-1 draw The Monkeys are being seen as a side to be reckoned with by the other members of Group 10. The Monkeys were seen as the easybeats of this group, but through sheer hard work, determination and the help of poo flinging crowds and corrupt stadium officials they have managed to get 3 points from their first 5 games. This is a great start to their international journey and can only help them gain experience for the rest of this tournament and the coming tournaments that they will undoubtably be qualifying for in the future.

Paddy O'Furniture has been a lone bright spot up front for the Monkeys. He has been the sole goalscorer in all of the Monkeys games. They really need to find another avenue towards goal or O'Furniture will be able to be double teamed and held off the ball. Apart from that though the defence is holding up well and aside from a few lapses in concentration when they stream forward, the mid-field has been solid. Hopefully the first win for the team is right around the corner.

Zeneri Globe and Mail
“Mention this and get Two-for-One cocktails at McSully’s”

Home winning streak continues as offense comes alive versus Tylero, but team still winless on road

SOUTHPORT – Five matches into World Cup qualifying, and the Aurendian National Team is undefeated at home. Unfortunately, only two of those five matches have been at home. In three road matches, the Raptors have three defeats, and they aren’t likely to change that stat soon as they next head out for a showdown with group leader Elves Security Forces.

But before we get too far ahead of ourselves, the good news for Aurendia supporters: the team is now a perfect 2 for 2 in home matches. More importantly, the offense finally scored more than one goal in a game.

Following a 2-1 loss in Kampfers on Match Day 5, the Raptors headed to Southport, to take on Tylero in the raucous confines of The Reef. With the notoriously rowdy Southport crowds cheering them on, the Raptors would strike early. A mere eight minutes in, the Raptors offense did what it should, as Joanna King connected with Kara Campbell to go up 1-0. The Raptors kept up the offensive pressure, and in the 36th they went up 2-0, when Nikki Vitalia found Rodney Kye open in the box. Besides being the eventual game-winner, this goal marked the first time in World Cup 36 play that the Raptors managed to score more than one goal in a game.

The 2-0 lead held into halftime, and the usual fan hi-jinks that accompany Aurendian sporting events. The start of the second half meant a more aggressive Tylero side, and they ended Paul Marcellus’ shut-out bid in the 57th. The immediate aftermath of the Tylero score sparked a flurry of sustained pressure from Tylero’s offense, but the Raptor backline held firm, securing the lead. In the 71st minute, the Raptors would add an insurance goal, as Rebecca Sorcha potted her first of the tournament off another Joanna King assist.


Scoring:
1. Aur (K. Campbell 3) 8th (Assist: J. King)
2. Aur (R. Kye 1) 36th (Assist: N. Vitalia)
3. Tyl Unknown 57th Unknown
4. Aur (R. Sorcha 1) 71st (Assist: J. King)

Somewhere in Oliverry...

Gérard: What are you reading Luc?
Luc: I'm reading the Sel Appan Travel Guide...
Gérard: Oh yeah? What about it?
Luc: Wooooh! Calm down man! I'm only beginning to read it.
Gérard: But you've been reading it for over an hour...
Luc: Err...

Gérard: Interesting, that guide says that people all around the world are flocking to Sel Appa...
Luc: I wouldn't go there?
Gérard: Why?
Luc: There's tons of Frenchies?
Gérard: But... we are frenchies...
Luc: CRAP!!

Gérard: Seems like Sel Appa allows airplanes as well.
Luc: Great! Do they allow horse carriages?
Gérard: The guide doesn't say anything about them...
Luc: CRAP!
Gérard: Why? We don't have any horse anyway...
Luc: No... I just said what these horses would have done in there.

Gérard: There are restricted items as well: alcohol, national treasures...
Luc: National treasures? Why?
Gérard: I don't know, the guide says nothing about it.
Luc: We won't be able to enter then...
Gérard: Why?
Luc: The government statuted that "surrendering was part of our national heritage, culture and treasure..."

Gérard: This guide also says that Sel Appa bans homosexuals from entering their country.
Luc: Why? We are a couple like any other... We even got married according to Catholic rite...
Gérard: Bunch of intolerants...
Luc: YEAH!!
Gérard: Oh wait... they just say that Sel Appans are likely to kick our asses if we decide to kiss in public...
Luc: Great! So let's just travel to the French part of Sel Appa...
Gérard: Why?
Luc: The people living there are likely to surrender before they kick our ass...

Gérard: Finally a good part: They've got tons of mass transit
Luc: Mass Transit?
Gérard: Yeah... like busses, subways, suburban trains. You see?
Luc: Yes... but why do you need a buss to transit a ton?
Gérard: What are you talking about?
Luc: Well, you said "mass transit"...

Gérard: Stop being an ass and look at this part: a Copper Pound seems to be able to be converted into many unexisting currencies... What are USD, CAD, GBP and EUR?
Luc: USD is Upper Sillian Dollar, CAD is Copper and Advanced Dollar, GBP means Gross and Burping Petroleum and EUR means Earth-Uranian Ribbon.
Gérard: Thanks for the precisions... but still, these are not recognized currencies. What about Oliver Dollars or Totally Inflated Yens, or even, Bostopian Pound?
Luc: err... Look at this is that a Limbrogidlian knocking on the window?
*Gérard looks at the window*
*Luc hits Gérard with a pan*

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

THE POST-MATCH PRESS CONFERENCE
Live From Bellzantium

With Fr. John the Golden-Throated


"...isn't disappointing. Every single away match, and you're asking me if the result is disappointing. We're second in the table, undefeated, and in line for qualification. Why should that be disappointing? Perhaps you'd prefer us to be scoring four goals a match, like the Holy Empire? Next!"

"Fr. John, I'm a doctorrrrrrr from the Landau institute of Estrrrrrrese Intenso, and I'd like to read you a letter written by one of our patients, João Zacarrrrrrrias: Dear brrrrrrothers, I am a patient from the Landau Institute, converrrrrrrted during the World Cup 35 qualifiers, when the football team of your countrrrrrrry came to play here. I am very interested in football, and have a question for you. Here, there is a huge discussion if it is more important to have luck or skill in a penalty shootout. Some players call the penalty shootout a "lotterrrrrrrry". So, brothers, which is more important in a penalty shootout. Luck, skill, or faith?"

"First of all, let me say how it fills my heart with joy to learn of João's conversion. As to the actual question, I'd say it's a bit of all three. But remember, the workings of the Lord are always righteous and just, yet they also are often utterly inscrutable - so losing on penalties to an inferior opponent should not be taken as a sign in and of itself that your faith was lacking. Next!"

"Hi, Fr. John. I'm from the Daily Herald Tribune Post Gazette News Advance Express Independent Guardian Telegraph of Milchama. How do you feel about Rabbi Gamliel's banning of Margaret? Do you think it can create real change in Milchama or is the Cult of Margaret to entrenched? And finally, How can you know the answer to question number 2 anyway - it's not like you live in Milchama?"

"One question at a time, my Hebrew friend! First of all, I think you can assume that all citizens of the Archregimancy strongly support Rabbi Gamliel's recent statement. Margaret worship is a sin, and must be expunged. As to your second question, I have no real feel for the strength of Margaretism in Milchama (which also addresses your third question), but its decline and extinction is surely inevitable eventually. All pagan worship is doomed to eventually die out."

"Fr. John, if I can go next....."

"Of course - Zwangzug, is it?"

"Absolutely, Fr. John. How does your orthodox formation compare to others?"

"Our orthodox formation, or my Orthodox formation?"

<laughter>

"The first is simply a tried-and-tested approach to football tactics. We feel that 4-4-2 offers the best balance of attack and defence. As to how my personal Orthodox beliefs were formed, I was born into the One True Church. Next!"

"Hello, Father John. I'm Hardi Bujang, a member of the Patusan Darts squad. My question is.... is it possible for a current Patusan footballer reconcile cannibalism with Orthodox theology?"

<stunned silence>

"I'm sorry, my son. Perhaps I misunderstood the question. Could you please repeat what you just said?"

"Of course. I asked whether it's possible for a current Patusan footballer reconcile cannibalism with Orthodox theology...."

"Errrr..... no. Absolutely not. I think I can state with some confidence that cannibalism is a sin of the vilest sort. May I suggest that we have a chat after the press conference? I just happen to be carrying a vial of Holy Water.... Next! Eueuuuuuuuuh.... slimy..... what in God's name are you?"

"I am an Ulzaxid. My present form is a combination of a northern hairy-nosed wombat, a haddock, a blue tit and a human. I have three questions. 1. You will never be able to find proof of the existence of your god. As such are you willing to contemplate the idea that god doesn't exist, even if you think it's a foolish and incorrect idea?"

"And you will never be able to prove that God doesn't exist. Are you therefore willing to contemplate the idea that He does?"

"Let me think about that.... 2. What advice can you give us on how to improve at this game of football without using our full physical capabilities. We're also not willing to change away from our 1-2-7 formation. So other than that what would you suggest?"

"I'm really not sure that I'm the best person to help you take advantage of your.... unique qualities. Sorry."

"Finally 3. If those Az-cz gnomes are soulless entities, but elves are perhaps savable, how do you feel about Ulzaxids?"

"Well, you are partially human, are you not?"

"Yes, Fr. John."

"In that case I see no particular reason why your human component cannot have a soul. A part-human Ulzaxid could, I suppose, even be Orthodox - though understand that I speak for myself only. This is not a matter the Holy Synod has ruled upon to the best of my knowledge. That's all I have time for today, but please keep those questions coming!"

"....another magnificent victory, Jean Pierre!"

"Yes, I most surely agree, Jean Leopold. These Herchimer fools were idiots, were they not, to pitch their inadequate conception of classical stoicism against our magnificent arguments in favour of existentialism and nihilism. Still, I must say that I am most confused as to why we must continue to play matches of football while arguing our case. I still find this most strange."

"As do I, Jean Pierre - but I must say in my turn that this lot were much easier than those pesky Jungle Cats."

"Yes, Jean Leopold.... I for one never expected Vilita to argue in favour of logical positivism - this did most assuredly take me by surprise when I had trained for them to play as classical epicurians. That was a most narrow victory."

"Agreed, but ultimately we were able to show how misplaced their faith in science was, were we not, Jean Pierre? Where everything is meaningless and dark, science can no more help us than any other faith. They were wrong to structure their lives so."

"I also agree. What a lot of agreeing we are doing today. This is almost as strange as these football matches taking place around our debates. But perhaps all will soon become clear....."

Amda-Mo: Wow. Clearly the best performance by the squad so far this cup, walloping Candelaria and Marquez 4-0.

Lur-Mn: The team looked energized and determined to beat the speciest C&M team. And beat them they did.

Amda-Mo: Let's talk about the offense for a bit. How did they find the four goals.

Lur-Mn: Well the first was just great individual play. Pizelkaxrovsky made a great tackle to get the ball and then curled in an amazing 35 yard shot to put the Gnomes up just a minute into the match. It really put a silence on the Candelaria & Marquez crowd.

Amda-Mo: And after that?

Lur-Mn: A lot of great team play. Ip-Gp and Levesque were in perfect synch on two of the goals, and the fourth was a beautifully headed in shot by Nerazzurri. Nice to see him get involved in the offense as well.

Amda-Mo: Let's talk some more about the captain. He's been a point of concern so far this cup. How was he today?

Lur-Mn: Magnificent. It was like he turned back the clock. At least for this match he played with an energy and a physicality that had been missing earlier in the cup. The defense was magnificent with Candelaria and Marquez getting just three shots on goal all game, none really challenging Gn-Lg.

Amda-Mo: So a very good performance today?

Lur-Mn: Yes, quite so.

Amda-Mo: Still it only gets tougher from here. Our next match is against our friends and rivals from the diamond, Qazox.

Lur-Mn: Indeed, a very big match for both teams. Let's hope it goes the way our baseball matches went. <Lur-Mn chuckles> But in all seriousness it ought to be a great match. They're hot on our heels for top of the group and if they could knock us off, they'd pass us for the top spot. With the game being played in Az-cz you'd have to expect us to be favorites, especially with the renewed form we've shown of late, but it will be a battle. Which is good. The team is ready for a test.

Amda-Mo: And how about the rest of the group?

Lur-Mn: Same old, same old. The top three teams are the top three teams, just as expected. Cookesland moved up to fourth, but that all looks to be pretty much immaterial.

Amda-Mo: And from the rest of the world?

Lur-Mn: Another tough day for the top teams. In rather suprising news, half of the six perfect teams coming into the day are no longer perfect. Bazalonia was absolutely stunned by Kanisov, Jeruselem held to a draw by Patusan and Schiavonia, like all the others, couldn't find a way to get the ball into the Estresse Intenso goal. The Monks picked up a suprising away draw to Bellzantium, but the biggest upset was Bettia getting thoroughly dominated in a 4-2 loss to Green Wombat.

Amda-Mo: Not the flying start to their title defense they'd have hoped for.

Lur-Mn: Certainly not, no.

Amda-Mo: So with three of the top six falling, there must be some major shakeups in the list?

Lur-Mn: Yep. Here they are, for the viewing public.

6. Quakmybush

I know that they're not top of their group and that there are a number of teams with more points, including Jeruselem who they lost to. But losing a close away match to Jeruselem is not a bad result, the way drawing to Patusan away is. And the Northern Bettia result is a quite impressive result as well. With Quakmybush having finished their two toughest matches they could well move to the top of the group by the end of the first half. At this point they've been just a bit stronger I think.

5. Milchama

Some may ask why Milchama is here while Sel Appa is left out. One is that Milchama has a much more impressive goal differential. Secondly is the fact that Milchama has played the tougher schedule of the two, including winning in Yafor 2. Thirdly is the fact that we all know that blatant prejudice wears on the mind of a team and that only if you've got an unshakable faith can you endure with such blatant discrimination in your mind. That's why the Archregimancy succeeds where all other hate filled nations fail. So as you can see Sel Appa is doomed.

4. Estresse Intenso

Wow. Just wow. If they had any kind of offense they'd be unstoppable. No goals allowed in five games. Completely blanking the strong Schiavone attack. That's a scary team. Yes they've yet to manage a second goal in any of their games, but a defense like that means anything can happen.

3. Az-cz

Now that's the kind of performance we like to see. We're starting to round into form, and hopefully we'll be able to continue our fine play heading into our toughest matches. We have to give Qazox credit for keeping the group close to this point, but we're playing solid, and just occasionally spectacular, football.

2. Alasdair I Frosticus

They're really more of a 1A at this point. They're certainly not being penalized for their 4-2 win over Hachimer. Just that the Elves victory was off the charts good. Also their are some slight concerns about the Holy Empire's defense, or lack thereof. 8 goals is quite a lot to have allowed through five matches but with 22 scored they haven't had any tight matches. They're still playing wonderfully and getting great results. Furthermore their playing style is absolutely unimitatable.

1. Elves Security Forces

5-1 win in Tynelia? That kind of thing just isn't supposed to happen. The Tynelians are a strong team, supposedly defensive focused. To do that to them in front of their home fans shows the ability of the Elves when they are focused. If are thrashing of them isn't proof enough for Candelari and Marquez, then the Elves play ought to show them just how shortsighted their disbelief in non-humans is. Also amazing to think both how far are nations have come since we met back in that first cup of Harmony. Now if one of us could just break through to the title.

Amda-Mo: Indeed. I bet Az-czzers would be quite happy with an Elves title, and of course it would be full scale pandemonium if we won.

Lur-Mn: Yep. Both teams are looking good. With fans of most of the world hoping for an end to the Ariddia-Bettia duo's dominance we're providing hope.

Amda-Mo: Indeed. We'll see you back here next time after our big match against Qazox.

(OOC: sorry, I couldn’t resist :p )

남길동 (Nam Gil-doŋ) sat on the couch of his 유포 (ʼYupo) home, reading the Syokaji edition of the Aeropag Tribune on his computer and humming Olympic Fanfare and Theme, first quietly, then slowly increasing in volume. dah da-da-dah da-da-dah DA, dah da-DAH—

“Stop that!” his partner, Aguäda Ernandesa, shouted. Back in Bedistan, people usually remained silence unless they had something useful to say, and she had never quite gotten used to living in this new environment.

“Why do people use these crazy Syokaji neologisms when writing sports? Can’t they use ordinary civilized words?” To him, the Korean language, unlike every other, was “civilized.”

“I hear they’ve got some good reporters in Daehanjeiguk—you might want to check for ’em online.”

He took this advice, soon finding exactly what he was looking for. The loading time was absurd—nearly a full second—but eventually it appeared on-screen, and he read it. After encountering a word he couldn’t read, he clicked the English link at the top of the screen. “What’s visa mean?”

“I don’t know…I think it might have been some sort of credit card a long time ago.”

“The Daehanjeiguk football team needs to get its credit cards settled so that they can come here for the game? Can’t they pay cash?”

“Maybe you should ask them, not me.”

“Sutelarans are all alike,” he mumbled, then laughed.

Raidyo Yum PC

...the supersize pots would easily hold even the largest torso according to a spokesman from Amahagger Hot Pot PC.

In sporting news the Darts aren't about to let their draw with Jeruselem, the top seeds in their group, prevent them from exploring new innovations to help them succeed. The team has employed a dietician from the AFP University, Dr Haneef Keelty Bugg, to assist in the players' regimen. He has immediately introduced a new secret protein supplement to their diet. "Tests have shown that this supplement will enhance the functions of the heart, liver and intestines as well as improve muscle development and general reaction times," says an enthusiastic Dr Haneef.

In news just to hand the Patusan Police Commissioner has announced that the remains of the missing Jeruselem footballer had been found. What there is will be returned...

At Jeruselem FA ...

Dazza: What's this pile of bones?
Doctor: Apparently John Bozat ...
Dazza: That's my missing football player, crap ...
Doctor: Yeah, looks like he was eaten.

Dazza: Crap, I know he was a complete wanker but this isn't the way to lose a player.
Doctor: Well, from the looks of it - with the flesh remove from the skin cleanly, he was eaten.
Dazza: So what do we tell his family?
Doctor: I think that's your job.

Dazza: So I have tell his parents, people ate him in Patusan.
Doctor: He hasn't got a wife or kids, which makes things easier. He does have a sister.
Dazza: Someones' got to do it I guess
Doctor: We'll get these bones checked for a DNA check and verify it is him and then we'll tell the family

Dazza: Oh yes, all Jeruselem have their DNA samples taken in case they go missing overseas.
Doctor: Yes, now this is why we do it.
Dazza: OK, you check - I'll tell the family. Looks like Kate might have to play more games now.
Doctor: Hey, when's the new Dazzi comics coming?

Dazza: Next week!
Doctor: Good, I want the new series!
Dazza: Dazzi takes on cannabilistic villagers who like bonking their victims first ... eh, hey ... woah!
Doctor: Weird coincidence Dazza, can't wait for the new series of Dazzi.

Raidyo Yum PC

...the 3 metre skewers are tested to hold a weight of 500 kg and are machine washable, making them ideal for the busy housewife.

The manager of the Darts, Howard Haneef Andrews, has expressed bewilderment at reports eminating from Jeruselem that their former player, John Bozat, had been eaten. "Well, I suppose it is possible. Cannibalism is considered quite an ethical practice in Patusan. But suggestions that our players have tucked into him are ridiculous. Our dietician strictly controls what the players eat. He has assured me that unprocessed human meat is not suitable for elite athletes. Perhaps Bozat was eaten by some backward villagers but I categorically deny it was our team."

In business news, Bovial Butchers PC have denied they have been using vegetable subsitutes in their frozen meat patties...

Meanwhile in Bola Mine (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Bola_Mine).

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NEW THEORY ABOUT GOOLENGOOK POLITICAL WARMING

Populist philosopher from the Murrungowar University, rioonika, stated today that the latest outburst of Goolengook protest activity should not be blamed on human activity. “My studies have shown that Gooly protest behaviour is determined by sunspot activity. It’s pretty obvious really. It is well known that sunspot cycles last twelve years. If you map out the activities of the goolies, low and behold, it shows peaks every twelve years also. And, and here’s the clincher, the peaks of the two cycles coincide.”

Scientists from the climatology department of the same university vehemently dispute rioonika’s claims. “The growth in Goolengook political activity is much greater than sunspot activity alone can account for,” says obinilliam, a meteorologist. "I think rioonika is just a front for those who would prefer to see no action taken. These people have their head in the sand.”

Locals are concerned about the future of the town’s gold mine. Mayor apharboni is a student of history and well knows what the Goolies managed to do in the past. “Squillions of dollars from this mine are spent on the environment. Surely our friends from Goolengook wouldn’t consider closing it down. The loss to the environment would be inestimable. I’m just glad the Goolengook River Dam was never re-built or they’d dynamite that too.”

FANS CALL FOR MORE ASSERTIVE NAME AS RUGIERO IS SWEPT AWAY

Following the Potoroos’ nil-4 demolition of Rugiero yesterday, fans in Bola Mine have called for the national team to adopt a more assertive team name. “I’ve read that Errinundera was once known as the Gorillas,” says odolsse, convenor of the Bola Mine Fan Club. “I don’t know what a gorilla is but I’m sure it’s more imposing than a potoroo.”

We consulted reakmyle from the Zoology Department of the Murrungowar University who explained that a gorilla was a dimwitted great ape whose knuckles scraped along the ground and who rode Harley Davidson motorcycles. “I think the team is far better served by the potoroo, a creature that is swift and canny.” Our reporter is still trying to figure out what the purpose of a motorcycle is.

The match itself was dominated by Shiva the Destroyer (also known as scerberu) who not only scored a goal herself but set up the other three. Her display in the midfield left the home fans silent and the visitors ecstatic. The diminutive scerberu was pleased with her peformance. “It’s taken a long time to get my confidence back after the knee reconstruction. I’m not as quick as I used to be and, until the operation, I had always played as a striker so I’ve had to learn a new way of thinking as a midfielder. Strikers may be the stars with their moments of extraordinary brilliance but I can now see that it’s the upfield players that set the tone of the game. I like having that control.”

Local star breretond earned a red card, becoming the third Hawk to earn a rest period this campaign. Captain of the team, onito, wants the three to cool things down. “We need them in the team, not on the sidelines. They all have considerable ability and their behaviour is so… well… Goolengookish.”

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Rugiero.png
Rugiero 0

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Errinundera.png
Errinundera 4
(snaporoo 38, avilmou 45, immelfar 50, scerberu 53)

Errinundera's WC36 scorers:
4 breretond
2 froesu
2 scerberu
2 snaporoo
1 avilmou
1 immelfar

Tynelia Obliterated

The title says it all. In the worst ever home defeat of Tynelia’s international career, the Elves Security Forces came in and destroyed the home team 5-1 in front of 59,982 stunned Tynelian fans. A complete whitewash was avoided with a token goal by Duncan MacDougal in minute 81 which some feel was more of a pity goal on the part of ESF. Naturally Tynelian experts have placed the full blame on Coach Jay Masterson’s departure from Tynelia’s traditional style this time around.

“It is clear to see that this new style is going to ruin Tynelia this time around.” Nelson Davids Coach of the Androna Titans and vocal opponent of the style modification said afterwards. “The only times we gave up that many goals was in our early days against the likes of a top of their form Starblaydia team when we were still finding our way around the world stage. Now we’re supposed to be good but you see what happens when we try attacking. That just isn’t the Tynelian way. If anything we should have gone even more defensive this time around, not try attacking. We might be able to get by the riff raff teams this way but anyone decent is going to slaughter us. Hell we couldn’t even beat Kampfers with this mentality.”

Those who disagree with this view simply said the Elves came in ready to play and took control from the get go surprising the team which was expecting a more slower pace to start. By the time things settled down it was 4-0 at the half. Both sides freely opened up the bench in the second half as there was no way any Tynelian team could come back from a deficit like that.

Coach Masterson only sdpoke briefly to reporters after the match saying. “They came out and kicked our butts. Now we just have to go out, put this behind us and be ready for Ad’ihan next match.”

Just before press time Masterson did say that veteran Sean MacDougal will be making the start on the road instead of Mandy Martin in the Ad’ihan match and that Angela Davies will make her starting debut in place of Samuel Linderton to give the veteran a breather. No word as to whether this benching of Martin is the start of a keeper controversy here on the squad.

The Jariss team returns to the lockerroom mostly satisfied with their 1-1 draw on the road against Jasīʼyūn. A late goal by Minna Dawo managed to grab the tie from the home team to the disappointment of their fans. Still undefeated, the team remains in third place but now faces the second place Archregimancy at home in the Jariss Arena after the monk’s shocking draw with Bellzantium.

Fya Panai: <chanting> Un-de-feat-ed! Un-de-feat-ed!

Goru Lyani: Yeah but we’re still in third though.

Fya: So? After we beat the monks we’ll be higher up than that.

Goru: Beat them? Don’t you mean get another draw.

Fya: No we’re gonna beat them. I know it!

Konu Zaryi: <reading some paper> Hey look at this. The Archregimancy uses the exact same formation we do, 4-4-2. AT least we know what their attack will look like.

Fya: Ours is better.

Minna Dawo: I can’t believe I hit the post in extra time. We could have won it.

Li Chu: Yes I apologize for not being in position to strike the rebound home for a victory.

Minna: Li, you were on the other side of the field. You passed the ball to me for my shot.

Li: Yes I should have anticipated better, forgive me.

<Gia Banama walks up behind Li and smacks him upside the head>

Gia: Stop that. I warned you already.

Li: Yes ma’am.

Relao Yashi: Monks? Why would someone go out of their way to devote their whole lives to relgion. I mean sure you should respect God and all that but it’d be pretty boring to do it all day long.

Andre Miware: I guess its because not everyone is within biking distance of their holy spot in other countries so they must spend time apologizing for that by building places closer to their own homes to worship.

Fae Numuu: I hear they don’t like women though and want them locked away in cellars all their lives. I hope they don’t all arrest us when we go there.

Tali Vindu: I doubt it, lots of other teams have women on them so they can’t lock them all away. Unless we win maybe…

Relao: That doesn’t sound like much fun. Hey... if they’re all monks then…um… how do they get more monks? I mean if women are banished and all how… <blushes slightly>

Joa Giranu: That’s probably why they try to convert people so much, keep their numbers up and all. I heard something about that in Cafundeu.

Fya: yeah Relao, they probably kidnap you and make you into a monk so you’ll never see a woman again. Better not get lost when we go there in the second half.

<Coach Pitu Kurai and Leni Banama enter the locker room>

Leni: OK Fya, quick picking on Relao. <pauses> You know I always wanted to say that.

<Fya pouts>

Coach Pitu: Yes yes well done again. Another fine draw keeps us in our third place. And on the road even against a team ahead of us, quite impressive indeed. Now we must face those monkly folk. A very angry bunch of monks, well that is if monks do get angry, it may very well be that they consider such things unmonkly so perhaps ‘mildly dipspleased’ might be more appropriate or perhaps…

Leni: Yeah they’ll be unhappy coach and want to take it out on us.

Fya: Yeah we’re gonna win. We beat Bellzantium and the monks couldn’t!

Coach Pitu: oh my, Fya, that is highly inappropriate. Getting overconfident is not the Jarissian way. No we are to stay within our own match plans and trust in our defense as we always do. They will certainly try to score more than us and we can not allow that to happen. We are after all one of three undefeated teams in our group right now. Quite impressive that is and our longest streak ever. We would do well to continue to play in this manner against these priests.

Leni: Monks.

Coach Pitu: oh yes, monks. Indeed a very tough matchup. We have begun our toughest stretch well so far with a draw against a tough team. Now we shall show our home fans that we may very well indeed be able to get yet another draw against another top squad.

Leni: Besides you don’t want your relatives watching your first loss of the qualifiers do you?

Team: NO!

Coach Pitu: My such a racket, but yes, indeed high spirits are most needed for this match. We shall put up a most spirited effort at home I am sure.

Leni: OK people hit the showers.

<Fya walks away and whispers to no one in particular>

Fya: I miss coach Maru….

The Anyuna Observer: Arora recipe special on page 7
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Ola's Gone Adios?

BREAKING NEWS: Concern is growing for the safety of Northern Bettia's top scorer Ola Hiyashibara, who mysteriously disappeared shortly after the team arrived in Patusan for their crucial World Cup match. Hiyashibara, who has scored ten out of the Fire Ants' eighteen goals so far, has not been seen since 'nipping off to the bogs for a quick slash' shortly after the squad touched down at Patusan's main airport.

He is described as 'an ugly c**t', with short black hair, two eyes and a full set of limbs. A spokesman for the FANB told the Observer "Well, to be honest we're not all that concerned. He probably spotted some nice bit of skirt on his way back from the lavs and we reckon he'll turn up at the training ground looking a bit dishevelled to boast about how he managed to score. He's like that, you know."




Fixtures / Results

MD..OPPONENT...............VENUE...RESULT

Qualifying Group 7

01: Trumanistan............HOME....W 4-0
02: Quakmybush.............Away....L 1-3
03: St Samuel..............HOME....W 3-2
04: Noirthemme.............Away....W 6-0
05: Planting...............HOME....W 4-1
06: Patusan................Away....
07: Jeruselem..............HOME....
08: Trumanistan............Away....
09: Quakmybush.............HOME....
10: St Samuel..............Away....
11: Noirthemme.............HOME....
12: Planting...............Away....
13: Patusan................HOME....
14: Jeruselem..............Away....

Article taken from The Coricas Post

Cookesland wins over Sorthern Northland

Cookesland played it's fifth game in the World Cup the other day resulting in a 1-nothing victory over Sorthern Northland. The single goal of the game was scored by Barry Maxwell, who has been doing extraordinary at this world cup. The goal was scored in the middle of the second quarter, SN did not manage to come back with a goal of their own.

This was a good thing for the team who was coming off a very bad defeat at the hands of Ac-cz of 4-1. So far Cookesland has haad a very balanced time at the World Cup with 2 wins, 2 losses, and 1 tie. Cookesland faces the team from Candelaria & Marquez next.

Heres a handy schedule containing all recent updates and future matches.

Opponents/ Home or Away/ Result
Cookesland vs. Zwangzug - Home - 3-1 loss
Kedalfax vs. Cookesland - Away - 1-1 tie
Cookesland vs. Colonie - Home – 2-1 win
Az-cz vs. Cookesland - Away - 4-1 loss
Cookesland vs. Sorthern Northland - Home - 1-0 win
Cookesland vs. C&M - Home -
Qazox vs. Cookesland
Zwanzug vs. Cookesland - Away -
Cookesland vs. Kedalfax - Home -
Colonie vs. Cookesland - Away -
Cookesland vs. Az-cz - Home -
Sorthern Northland - Away -
C&M vs. Cookesland - Away -
Cookesland vs. Qazox - Home -

Kiryu-shi Starts World Cup 36 Qualifications Shaky; Reporter Recovers From Weariness

By Michio Hibbert

Sakaino, Kiryu-shi Although the Kiryu-shi Dragons have yet to lose a match in the Qualifications for the 36th World Cup, they have not been playing their best football in their first five matches. Following their second strait top three finish in the Cup of Harmony, they went into their third attempt at qualifying brimming with optimism as they enter as the third seed in group four, in decent position to qualify for their first final tournament berth. They started off well, as they tied the top seeded Squornshelous 2-2 in their first match, however, they’ve been mediocre at best after that, with draws against Endmile and Atheistic Right and close victories against the lowly teams from Homieville and Jeru FC. Their lackadaisical play may soon be coming to an end, however, as Michio “Kiryu-shi’s Football Team’s Good Luck Charm” Hibbert is finally going to attend his first live international football competition since Kiryu-shi’s loss in the knockout stages of the last Cup of Harmony when Kiryu-shi faces the highly ranked Fmjphoenix away for their sixth match. Although Hibbert has been seen wandering around the forests of Kiryu-shi mumbling something about rubber chickens and ritualistic sacrifices, he has returned as good (and good looking) as he was before and ready to perform his duty as Kiryu-shi’s sole reporter covering the World Cup.

OOC: Sorry for not RPing, I’ve been away. I’m going to start writing up my roster right now, I’ll post it pretty soon.

theCAMAFA.cam
Heroic C&M Don't Beat Quite Short Humans
By Liam Kelly in Albrecht.


Mark Baker’s men slumped to their first defeat of the World Cup 36 qualifying tournament despite a valiant effort at the MSS, Albrecht.

Reverting to his favoured 4-5-1, Baker returned Mamdooh Momtaz to the starting XI in favour of Yasser Zaghloul, and the move soon paid dividends as the Big Blues dominated the opening 47 seconds against their luridly-clad opposition.

Former World Cup finalists (on their own turf) Az-cz looked shaken by the lively play of the inexperienced Candelaria And Marquez team, offering little with their cluttered midfield. That was before midfielder Pizelkaxrovsky knocked Damien Sono to the ground, launched a hopeful cross for their most advanced man – the reassuringly large James Levesque – which took off in the swirling wins of Albrecht’s great amphitheatre to find its way into the top left-hand corner.

Pizelkaxrovsky’s ridiculously wild celebrations after such a fluky goal enraged the C&M players, who almost provided a material answer immediately. O’Sullivan Caras, having temporarily swapped flanks with Joey Pipes, found a loose ball on the left, charged at tiny midfielder Ip-Gp, and released a dazzling, 5-yard cross to Speed Wang. C&M’s most talented player (as voted for by fans: Cast your votes now for Man of the Qualifying Tournament) sliced through the back-tracking Robbers defence, made of a fool of aging Az-cz captain Mario Nerazzurri, and unleashed a terrific strike at ‘keeper Gn-Lg. The veteran stretched well to push the ball to safety, which Haji-Me mopped up. It would prove to be the first of two occasions during the game that C&M stars would embarrass their former World Cup finalist opponents.

After 44 forgettable minutes of confused nonsense, Baker sprung a change. Pulling off the limping Momtaz – who will now be out for several weeks with a torn hamstring – for youngster Rex Sandtrom; C&M carved a masterful opportunity in the opening seconds of the second half. Wang, again in the action, produced a pin-point cross for Steven Fritz, who headed the ball to the feet of Sandstrom. The 20-year-old league Young Player of the Year steadied himself before launching a shot only just agonisingly wide of the Az-cz left post.

From the resulting Az-cz throw-in; Ho-Lee Chung found Ca-Fu who delivered a hanging cross to the back post. Ip-Gp nodded it down for the unmarked Levesque to tap home with his left foot.

Understandably disappointed by this set-back; C&M were forced to rove even further forward. A certain amount of naivety spelt their doom, as Keiron Tomlinson was left stranded in the Az-cz half, unable to stop Levesque sliding the ball to Ip-Gp, who rifled the finish past Reuben Uwakwe’s bravely flailing limbs.

With 60 minutes gone, and C&M 3-0 down (to former World Cup finalists), Baker again went for broke bringing on Joel Grillo for Tomlinson. The move partly paid-off when a lovely ball from Grillo found its way, via two deflections, to Wang; who powered a shot into Gn-Lg’s grateful arms.

Moments later, Levesque won a corner from a lucky bounce off sturdy captain Peter Waddington. The otherwise quiet Kn-Dg took the shot which Benji Fu half-footed away. Regrettably, it landed on the head of the tall defender Nerazzurri, who powered home past a crowd of players. 4-0 up, the Az-cz players insultingly celebrated like they’d won the World Cup (they’ve only ever been finalists before); and held on despite C&M pressure for the rest of the game.

In the aftermath of the match, we told coach Mark Baker his side had been the better team throughout. “Er… yeah, if you like,” he confirmed, adding, “Look, Az-cz are a fantastic side. Firmly among the World Cup favourites. Having played Zwangzug and Qazox – and with all the greatest respect to them – I’d say Az-cz will come out with a 100% record. What’s important is keeping our heads up for the game in Cookesland. Realistically, we have to pull out a result there, if we’re got a hope of snatching the play-off spot.”

He also confirmed Yasser Zaghloul will replace the injured Momtaz for the key clash.

© The Candelaria And Marquez Association Football Association 2001-2007, All Rights Reserved



[A note: Such severe propaganda was wide-spread in the Candelarias during the Socialist Party government of 1956-58 and 1959-60. Its sophisticated use – particularly in the north and north-east of Candelaria itself – allowed for the unswerving support of huge swathes of the country; unaware of the appalling abuses been enacted on their countrymen mere miles down the coast. Since those times, Candelariasians have been suspicious both of the ‘official line’ on events, and – perhaps even more so – obviously exaggerated reports in newspapers and other media. While sensationalist publishing is tolerated in publications such as the Albrecht Mercury, the ‘quality’ broadsheets are expected to adhere to rather stricter, self-imposed guide-lines on such things.

Oddly, then, that the country’s football authorities do not seem to have picked up on this…]

Endmile defeats Homieville at Revolution Arena
By Jan Kruis

The USSE scored a decisive victory over Homieville today, showing their expertise on the pitch and nudging them slightly closer to qualification. The sellout crowd in Bloedmeer was absolutely ecstatic, and the team seemed to be in tune with them.

The first goal of the match came in the 17th minute when Staaf Messeker (DF, Destruktor) lobbed a pass to an open Henric van Nostrand (MF, Powerhouse). Van Nostrand used some fancy footwork to shake his defender, then put a long through ball ahead of Everhart Pieterszen (FW, Arbeidervuist). Pieterszen made a quick move for the ball and shot it just as the Homieville keeper was coming out to snatch it, making the game 1-0. Homieville struggled to keep up with Endmile play, and the State team scored it’s second goal in the 38th minute. Rudolf de Ruine (MF, Destruktor) sent in a corner kick to Everhart Pieterszen, who just got a head on it. The ball went back in the air and was captured by Skipper Schaers (FW, Red Army), who then shot at the near side of the goal, just beating the Homieville keeper.

When the first half started, Homieville came out with renewed energy. They had two quick chances in the first three minutes that were not converted. Another chance was averted by an outstanding defensive play by youngster Tiebout Ensminger (DF, Powerhouse). I guess someone listened to my suggestion. Either that, or Maarten Timmons just came to his senses. Then, in the 50th minute, Homieville strung together a great series of passes and one of their midfielders took a long, hard shot. Vader Schut (GK, Powerhouse) was there to make the save, but was unable to control the rebound, which was tapped in by Homieville. Endmile were not going to let Homieville come back any farther, however, and scored another goal in the 58th minute. Homieville took a yellow card and gave Endmile a set piece in what was seeming a bad position. However, Henric van Nostrand was able to send a curving ball to the head of Skipper Schaers, who put the ball in the net, making the score 3-1. The final goal came in the 83rd minute when Henrik Klusener (FW, Royal Blood FC) stole the ball from a defender and broke away, leaving him all alone with the keeper. Klusener put the ball in the top right corner, leaving the Homieville keeper with no chance.

Elsewhere in the 2FS region, Grotewohl continues to do well, this time defeating Limbrogidlia 2-0. They are currently in third place in their group, with a definite shot at qualifying. Trumanistan finally ended its scoreless/winless streak, beating Noirthemme 5-0. They are currently in sixth place in their group. Qualifying is still a possibility, but only if they can win most or all of their games from here on out. Bellzantium played to an unexpected draw with The Archregimancy, surprising everyone by managing not to be defeated by the mighty team. They are sixth in their group, again with little hope of qualifying.

Endmile are still in fourth place in Group 4. While we did not move up in the standings, the point difference between us and the first place team, Squornshelous, has dropped from 5 to 3 points. And we’re playing them in the next match. If we win, this could have a serious effect on the standings for Group 4. We must have faith in Maarten Timmons and the State team. They can achieve victory only with the undying support of the people of the USSE. Go Endmile!

MD01 Atheistic Right vs. Endmile 3-2
MD02 Fmjphoenix vs. Endmile 1-1
MD03 Endmile vs. Jeru FC 3-1
MD04 Kiryu-Shi vs. Endmile 1-1
MD05 Endmile vs. Homieville 4-1
MD06 Squornshelous vs. Endmile
MD07 Endmile vs. Billopesha
MD08 Endmile vs. Atheistic Right
MD09 Endmile vs. Fmjphoenix
MD10 Jeru FC vs. Endmile
MD11 Endmile vs. Kiryu-Shi
MD12 Homieville vs. Endmile
MD13 Endmile vs. Squornshelous
MD14 Billopesha vs. Endmile

Group 4 Standings:

Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Squornshelous 5 3 2 0 12 5 +7 11
2 Atheistic Right 5 3 1 1 14 7 +7 10
3 Kiryu-shi 5 2 3 0 8 6 +2 9
4 Endmile 5 2 2 1 11 7 +4 8
5 Fmjphoenix 5 2 1 2 6 5 +1 7
6 Billopesha 5 1 1 3 4 7 −3 4
7 Jeru FC 5 1 0 4 5 11 −6 3
8 Homieville 5 1 0 4 4 16 −12 3

The first half was a relatively quiet affair. Two goals from the outside forwards secured an easy lead.

Halftime was when the fun began. One of the few visiting fans in the stadium wandered down closer to the field, then abruptly changed his mind and took the stairs two at a time to the top of the stands. He then ran down, as if to get a running start, and attempted to leap onto the field and at the referee. Unfortunately, he didn't have enough speed and hit the barrier hard. A Kedalfax supporter immediately dragged him into a small knot of fans and began talking to him sternly.

"Hey," snapped a rowdy fan in green. "What's with that?"

"I'm entering the pacification contest," he snapped back.

"Well, the ref-agression one was better."

"Nuh-uh!"

"Yeah-huh!"

This degenerated into another argument, which led to a second entry into the pacification contest. And so on.

When the meta-arguments mercifully ceased, the referee restarted play. Simon Ryne and a Kedalfax forward scored in the second half for a final score of 3-1 in a game easily overshadowed by the impromptu halftime show.

[Harrith] Hello, I’m Gary Harrith, and thanks for joining us here on Evening Show Politics, on BTV1. Tonight, we’ll be looking at how the Government’s sports initiatives have helped to cut crime, increase the fitness of our children, and provide sports players who are increasingly becoming better in their fields.

With me tonight is Val Hume, Minister for Education, and Jennie Griffith, a PE teacher in a Taylington Secondary Modern School.

But first, a report from Ian Dreann.

[Dreann] Across Bostopia decades ago, schools up and down the country decided that one to two hours of PE a week were enough. However, all that changed a 12 years ago, when the Government realised Bostopia were failing to produce children healthy enough to not only represent the nation in sporting events, but also to protect the country. The Government brought in legislation that not only made compulsory some things schools had been doing anyway, but brought in tougher measures that were found somewhat controversial.

Some schools had already been running PE lessons barefoot, nude or both. This was made compulsory. The Government claimed it would toughen up children, preparing them for any situation they would find themselves in out in the wild.

Many complained against this, saying that if a child had qualms about their body then it would be damaging and humiliating. Fair point, said the Government, but the best way to cope with fears would be to face them head on, and the child would likely get stronger anyway.

Point two. Some schools had run PE lessons over an hour in the first place. The Government made it three hours a week for all schools. “Three hours,” the cry came “our children wouldn’t be able to cope!” it followed. “Then it proves,” said the Government, “that we will be taking better care of your child’s fitness than you do. You let them eat what they want, and get little to no exercise. They can still eat what they want, but in school we’ll make them fighting fit.”

With that, the Physical Revolution had begun in Bostopian schools. There were some teething problems, with secondary schools saying they hadn’t the time to give three hours, until the Government pointed out lessons could end when they wanted. Plus, with five compulsory years of schooling in the second level of schooling, they could have one afternoon’s PE a week.

And, so far, it appears to be working. The country’s children are indeed “fighting fit”, and with survival training and the like in Gattfeld State, and on the sporting side, the football team, made up of youngsters halfway through World Cup 33 Qualifying are edging ever closer to Qualification, now aged nearly 18, and prospects are looking up, all thanks to the policies of the BNP government.

[Harrith] Alright, and back in the studio, we still have with us Val Hume and Jennie Griffith. Ms. Hume, any comments?

[Hume] Well, I’m completely in agreement with Ian’s comments there, it is down to the Government’s policies – and, of course, the teaching – that our children have improved in fitness to where they are active members of society and can be relied upon in future years to serve their country with the fitness levels that we really require.

Children are learning the skills they may need if they are ever caught in a survival situation too, so, while it’s unlikely, they are always prepared, and these sorts of schools are highly valuable in a country like ours.

[Harrith] And what about the sporting conditions of our children?

[Hume] The report mentioned Adam Collick’s “Master Plan” as I believe it was known to take a team of 5 year olds – and one nearly 6 goalkeeper – to the top of the footballing ranks, and so far we’ve seen our team pull themselves up through the ranks via hard work and dedication, while maintaining their curricular activities. The team recorded wins over teams such as Milchama and Qazox, winning the Cup of Harmony in a penalty shout-out over Kiryu-shi, and then beating Quakmybush. Their work ethic and spirit should be instilled in every child across the land.

I’m also very, very hopeful of our Winter Olympics team, who’ll be testing themselves against teams in Quakmybush very soon.

[Harrith] And Miss Griffith, being a PE teacher for 14 years, you saw both methods of doing things, can you give us your insight?

[Griffith] Sure. Before, we had such awful facilities, the kids weren’t enjoying themselves, and it was really a tough time. One hour a week was nowhere near enough, we all know the obesity levels from that period were sky high. Then the Government brought things in, and, while we had a little difficulty persuading some students to bare all, especially the older ones. It did come through though. Now, pretty much all of the kids love cross country, the younger ones in junior and infants’ school for the mud, and the older kids for, well, the same thing. That and with the wide range of activities, and the time span available means they can do more than one thing, so after a cross country run or a game, it’s easy for them to jump straight into the river, lake or swimming pool.

The time span really has given us flexibility. And with the rules regarding the nudity and barefootedness, it means kids don’t always know what day they’ll be doing PE, it’s not like they need to bring kit. Of course, if they’re playing Football or Rugball or another sport that needs equipment, we don’t change things around.

[Harrith] Alright, well, thanks for the insight, and best of luck to our team tonight in Rugiero. Next up on the show, we take a look at the by-election in Chelmscoteford East, and what the implications could be if the Fenton State National Party manage to get elected outside of Fenton State.

At the Squornshelous airport this morning. Five members of Endmile’s national football firm, known as The Mile, disembark from their plane. Their leader, Henri van Engels looks out the terminal window.

Henri: “It doesn’t look so bad. It’s not nearly as dirty as everyone said.”

Barend: “Yeah, the smog’s not as thick as Jon said it would be. I can still see the sun.”

Dirck: “It is right thick, though.”

Henri: “Enough dawdling lads, let’s go find a taxi.”

The guys pile into a cab.

Dirck: “To the Arena, driver! It’s time to see your football team take one in the teeth!”

Henri: “Actually, take us to the pub nearest the Arena. I believe its called The Bulldog.”

Driver: “Yes, sir.”

Barend: “That’s right, we need to meet up with our mates and get ready for the match. Right lads?”

Hans: “So what do you think about the Squornshelous firm? Do they even have one?”

Barend: “Not sure if they have a real firm or not, but there’s always some drunk ultras to fight. I doubt they’ll be able to stand up to The Mile, though.”

A few hours later, about 30 of the 40 or so members of The Mile have shown up to The Bulldog Pub and everyone’s been drinking for a few hours.

Henri: “All right, lads, the match is about to start! Let’s go!”

The unruly mob pours out onto the street, beers in hand, and makes its way to the Arena, chanting the Endmile fight song.

O, the mighty have come for revenge
This will be our enemies’ end
We’ll take their heads
Until they’re all dead
And the blood runs from our hands
Go Endmile!
Go Endmile!
Go Endmile!

MD6 RP cutoff

MD6 scores (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12913626&postcount=8)

FLoG Victorious Over Limbrogidlia
Diawsam
Grotewohl Associated Press

FLoG continues it strong push in group 6 with another victory against Limbrogidlia. Limbrogidlia played with a strong defense, not allowing many chances on goal, but not having any of their own chances.

The first goal came from Qak off a throw in. Ash tossed it to Auq, who headed it straight to Qak. Qak took quick advantage and managed a skilled shot past the keeper.

Just before the end of the first half, Sun had found himself on a quick break away headed for the goal. Just before the shot on goal, the whistle was rang. Sun still took the shot, and it went in. It was unfortunate that the time had ended just before the shot.

In the second half, the ball continued to find itself on the Limbrogidlia side, but not being shot on goal very much. The last goal came as Wen was able to get the ball away from a defender. He then got a pass to Auq who took a shot on goal. Deflected by the keeper, a corner ensued. Off the corner a header by Sun found the ball in the net.

In the current standings FLoG is in third. However, it seems the first place slot is all but solidifyed by the Holy Empire. So the spot that will be fought for is second.

Group 6 P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 The Holy Empire [AIF] 5 5 0 0 22 8 +14 15
2 Sativaville 5 4 0 1 10 8 +2 12
3 Grotewohl 5 3 1 1 15 10 +5 10
4 Vilita 5 3 0 2 10 7 +3 9
5 British Londinium 5 2 1 2 7 7 0 7
6 Ulzaxid 5 1 0 4 6 11 −5 3
7 Limbrogidlia 5 0 1 4 1 10 −9 1
8 Herchimer 5 0 1 4 4 14 −10 1

May the Football League of Grotewohl continue in the favor of the gods.

Diawsam the Seer

Immediately after the Squornshelous vs. Endmile match, the members of The Mile file out of the Arena, drunk and angry because of the loss.

Hans: “I can’t believe this crap! Did you see that bullsh*t call?”

Dirck“Let’s find that ref and string him up!”

Henri: “No! Now that our team has lost, it’s up to us to come away with victory! We need to show these Squonshelian bastards what Endmile is all about!”

The Mile starts chanting the Endmile fight song and marching out into the crowd exiting the Arena.

Squornshelous Fan #1: “Hey, why don’t you go back to Endmile? Your team just lost! You guys suck!”

Squornshelous Fan #2: “Yeah, that call was right on! And your keeper sucks too!”

Dirck, still chanting the fight song walks over to Squornshelous Fan #2 and breaks a beer bottle over his head. Squornshelous Fan #1 punches Dirck in the face, knocking him to the ground. This starts fighting among the other members of The Mile and the Squornshelous fans around them. Soon, a full-fledged riot ensues.

[Reanfeld] And as promised a few months back, here’s the basic rundown on Teriff State for our visitors for Errinundera.

Teriff State is the only one in Bostopia to outlaw vehicles - but with the exception of emergency vehicles. This means that roads only exist as emergency routes between towns, and for military usage should it be necessary. Most routes between villages are dirt tracks, used mainly for pulled carts for transporting goods between locations. These often turn to mud when it rains heavily

Electricity can only be found in certain locations. A large proportion of the population of the state lives in small towns, often found in the middle of woods. However, the towns of Red Fish, Northern Habitat, Rope Vine, Stony River and Acorn Wood are more like “regular” towns. Five-State-City, in the far North-East of the state is a complete anomaly to this, being the only truly developed town in the state.

Most importantly is that while Fenton State’s laws may claim total nudity, Teriff State takes it a step further, not allowing people to wear anything on their bodies, including bracelets, anklets, or any form of jewellery or “consumer-manufactured” makeup. The State’s authorities have, decided to NOT overlook this for the Errinundrians.

Immigration to Teriff remains low to none most of the year, but some people, whether in families or singles, move there in order to enjoy a quieter life.

As Teriff State is 82% wooded - with the 18% being the state’s capital or the villages listed above – much of the population lives a hunter-gatherer type lifestyle.

Now, more on the “consumer-manufactured” makeup. As I have just said, all this sort of makeup is banned. However, you will see many people in Teriff State with parts of themselves – or all of themselves – covered in mud, or a form of body “paint” which has been made out of leaves and plants in the local area. In woodland, most are likely to be spotted – if they make themselves known, of course – in a camoflage type of design, with some going the extra mile in order to attatch leaves to themselves having made a form of glue that can be easily washed off, but not too easily incase of a rain shower.

Onto the home lives of Terriffans. A small proportion of the state’s population lives in small, easily constructed and moveable tents, able to move on with their herd of animals as grazing areas become used. However, the majority of the state’s non-urbanised population lives in permanent communities with homes made out of timber. Most of these communities are near a river or other waterway, but not so close as that it would get flooded when heavy rains on upstream, especially on Mount Bostopia during winter send deluges of floodwater downstream.

This has meant that that waterways, with their tendness to flood, have become worshipped in the Pagan societies of Teriff State, and are viewed as holy. Visitors will find that Teriffans will use the river for cleaning themselves and for playing in, but will take water out of the river to wash any items that need washing in, rather than washing them in the river directly. To wash non-natural items in the river would constitute a major taboo, as natives believe it is abhorrantly wrong to put any items of this sort in the River or stream, as the waterway could become polluted downstream. The human body is fine to go into the river, as Teriffans believe the human body and the river are both made from the land, and would therefore not be polluting it.

Teriffans play sports, but not to the same extent as the population of other states. Teriff City enters a Rugball Team into the Rugball League, and they currently play in Division Two.

Tourism in Teriff State is small, though there are some sights out there definitely worth seeing. For example, the Hurth Waterfall in the south-east of the state, with it’s large pool is very popular, especially in the heat of the summer. Remember, not having to wear clothes you’ll find it’s very easy to dry off in the sun. It’s also very idyllic in winter, and though the water will be slightly cooler, it’s still worth the visit.

Also, while the State may not be full of buildings and monuments, the State itself is definitely worth the visit just to experience it. It’s very easy to take a two week holiday in Teriff and not come across a single person. If you’re looking for a serene, calm, relaxing holiday, and the ability to truly get back to nature, I’d recommend Teriff State.

“Hello everyone and welcome to Tynelian Soccer Weekly and our ongoing coverage of the World Cup 36 qualifiers. I’m your hostess Dinah Miller along with Amy ‘the seer’ Whiteworth. Today Tynelia managed to show that despite getting beaten into the turf against ESF last match that they can put it behind them and come back with a strong showing as they escaped with a narrow 1-0 win over Ad’ihan. Coupled with some help from Kampfers which beat the Assegai Developments 2-1, Tynelia moves back into sole possession of second place as they face AD next at the Ice Bowl to finish the first half of play.”

“Yes this was a very important match for the team Dinah to show that they could bounce back from a sound thrashing like that. While it might not have been a perfect game for the team they did manage to come away with the win.”

“Kampfers is really becoming a spoiler team Amy, they’re only a point behind AD for third now after they tied us and beat AD. A real surprise I think to a lot of people even though they are the fourth seed.”

“No one really gave them much of a chance, but so far they are proving the experts wrong. The ESF of course are clearly the class of the group. 6-0 against Aurendia, who knows what sort of score their next match will be.”

“Lets get back to our match Amy. It looks like it really paid off for Coach Masterson to go with the veteran Sean MacDougal in net to settle things down and he came through with a key shutout for us today.”

“And now Coach Masterson is trying to keep AD guessing by not announcing who will be starting in net for that match. I don’t think that’s a good move though.”

“Why is that Amy?”

“Well I know it always bothered Valdimar and myself when Coach wouldn’t tell us who is starting. We were always worried about if one of us had taken the job from the other which makes things awkward in the locker room. After Sean tosses a shutout after Mandy gave up five I’m sure Mandy is not going to feel too confident the next time she’s in net if she feels she will lose her job with another bad showing. Once you start thinking too much in net then you’re in trouble because you don’t trust your instincts so much and hesitate at the wrong time.”

“But I’m sure Coach Masterson knows that Amy. He was on that team after all. Maybe its just a media ploy?”

“That would be the best case Dinah. If Masterson already told Mandy and Sean who is starting then everything else is just smoke and mirrors. But if not then it might be bad down the road.”

“It was nice to see Lyle Burke get his first goal in international play today though.”

“Yes it was, Tina and Marcus was watched closely all match so it was up to one of the other three forwards to do something and Lyle made a nice header off the corner kick for the game winner.”

“So now we’re playing for second against AD Amy. What are you looking to see in this one?”

“Well Dinah, with the loss to Kampfers, AD will surely be out for blood this match to make up for that loss. They certainly don’t want to risk dropping to fourth at the halfway point. On our side, the team will certainly try to make everyone forget the debacle of the last home match with ESF. And with a so-so effort against Ad’ihan, they have to make a statement that they are indeed a team to be reckoned with after going 0-1-1 against the other two top four seeds in the group. It won’t do anyone any good to sneak into the Cup having not beaten any of the top sides of the group nevermind the world.”

“OK Amy, now before we forget, it’s time for the 8th biggest moment in Tynelian soccer history. And at this spot was our first ever WC win 2-0 against New Chakovnia. It was both the first road match ever played in the WC as well as the first win.”

“That’s right Dinah. Both goals were scored by Troy Wallace in a bit of a surprise as everyone expected Jay Masterson to do the bulk of the scoring for us. It was our third match of WC play and Vladimar Malloy posted the shutout for us. On the other hand expectations weren’t raised too high at this point as NC was the bottom seed of the group and I think finished with only 1 point to win the wooden spoon. Interestingly enough, looking back over the records I had to smile as I saw the next match scheduled would be the first against our most often faced opponent- Bettia.”

“Don’t say that name Amy! Last time you said it we got stuck in their group for the WC proper!”

“Well we have to get there first so I think its safe.”

“I’m not sure about that. OK Amy, neither one of us was right with our picks last time. My 3-0 win and your 2-1 pick were way off this time. So how about the Assegai Developments? I think its my turn to go first and I think the team will come back and put up a 3-1 win at home.”

“Well Dinah I’m not as impressed with the team these last couple of matches as you are so I think the match will be much closer. In fact I see a 2-2 draw here.”

“you’re always the pessimist Amy. But ok we’ll have to see if you can keep your nickname with that pick.”

“C’mon Dinah, we both know you’ll just give me a new one if I’m wrong.”

“True. Welll ok then that’s our show for today. The battle for second place comes up next as Tynelia visits the friendly confines of the Ice Bowl to take on the third place Assegai Developments to see who finishes the first half in second place. AD looks to pull even and Tynelia looks to expand its advantage. TSW will of course have the match in its entirety, then stay tuned after that because Amy and I will be back after for the post game show so until then, have a pleasant evening.”

End of the game against Rejistania, another impressive win of Estresse Intenso. This time, the team was able to score a goal in the second half after a boring first half, playing ugly football and holding the attacks of the opponents. Once again, The Machine prepared an offensive attack which resulted in the goal. But a penalty kick for Rejistania ended in the draw. Luckily, two minutes after, the goalkeeper of Rejistania made an awful mistake, and Zetti could score the last goal of the game.

After the game, the doctors were commemorating in the dressing room, but their coach wasn't there. It appeared only half an hour after the end of the game. And it was angry. The players didn't know it, as The Machine doesn't have a face, so it can't express anger. (The Machine looks like a giant stove with five mechanical legs, literally. Nobody knows from where its voice comes from). One of the doctors started to talk with it.

PROF.RODRIGUES - "So, coach, a great win, don't you think?"

THE MACHINE - "Don't want to see commemorations. You made huge mistakes today."

PROF.VARELA - "What are you talking about, we won the game against Rejistania!"

DR.SABIN - "Yes, we thought that we would lose today, but we were able to win! It's incredible, we defeated the best teams of the group!"

THE MACHINE - "Everything was fine, until the penalty."

DR.MATOSO - "Forget that, we scored another goal later!"

THE MACHINE - "We suffered a goal..."

DR.ZETTI - "But we scored two!"

THE MACHINE - "Know why they scored? Because one of you didn't follow my orders! I command you, my orders help the team to win! If you don't follow them, you will lose! I am talking to you, Cabrini!"

DR.CABRINI - "But coach, I followed your orders!"

THE MACHINE - "I didn't order you to make a penalty when you were with the ball..."

DR.CABRINI - "But I heard..."

THE MACHINE - "Stupid player! I said attack in the left, and not attack his legs! You abandoned the ball and shot his legs, a stupid penalty and a red card!"

DR.CABRINI - "It's only one game of suspension."

THE MACHINE - "You broke the leg of the attacker. You will never play in this team again."

PROF.BANGU MELO - "Coach, you are being too severe. Forgive him."

THE MACHINE - "Shut up, Jesus. He is out. A lesson for you, to not disobey me!"

DR.PITANGUI - "You can't make this!"

THE MACHINE - "Yes I can. I command this team!"

DR.SABIN - "But you are only a machine."

THE MACHINE - "The machine that makes you win games."

DR.ZETTI - "But we scored the second goal without your orders."

THE MACHINE - "Luck. Goalkeeper made a huge mistake, you wouldn't score this goal in other conditions."

DR.PITANGUI - "We can win without your orders."

THE MACHINE - "Because of your words, you will not play for three games, Ivo. Enough said. Obey me, and you'll win."

"So," Simon Ryne looked around the field dubiously, "we've-finally-figured out that we're neither in the Hebrew-slash-Margaret-worshipping Milchama,"

"It's Mil-ka-ma," Coach Mcgimpy attempted to interrupt,

"nor the freakishly defensive whatever-that-other-place-was, racking up who-knows how many frequent flier miles-slash-kilometers along the way, and wound up here...so where's the opposition?"

Jacob pointed to what looked like a plastic museum crossed with a petting zoo. "Right there."

A considerable number of the Zwangzug players squeezed their eyes shut, reopened them, found that the Collonie team was still there, and were very disappointed.

"Luk on the brit sid," Phillip grinned. "The Milkamans lik 2 sacrifis ruber animals 2 Margaret, yep^. So, mab we can foul them."

A picketing Milchaman in the stands hollered down. "Margaret herself was not a random number God, but she...I forgot, it's been so long."

Seeing the rubber duck enter the field, Andrew shook his head. "Let's just get this over with."

Simon Ryne scored in the fourth minute. Then the chaos began.

The CCFM declared today that The Scout has finished his initial observations in the National Teams of the countries participating in the World Cup qualifiers. The short man, known for his ability of negotiating with clubs and players and in discovering new talents (and known for his kidnapping during World Cup 34 and for his involvement with Dazza Dallas during the same period), send a list of players to be bought to the CCFM, which will start sending offers for the players of the list soon, probably starting from tomorrow.

The president of the CCFM, Miguel Jóia, said: "The Scout is very good in finding new players to reinforce our league, and you can be assured that more good players will come to Cafundéu in the future."

Dinkie Dosha and a woman called Dazzi ...

Dinkie: Hi, I'm Dinkie Dosha and back with me is Dazzi!
Dazzi: It's nice to be here Dinkie.
Dinkie: That's you Dazza, not Kate?
Dazzi: Who cares! Dazzi is here to hunt down the evil of this world and strike it down.

Dinkie: OK, Dazzi - what's the agenda?
Dazzi: My new comic series is available in Jeruselem! Get to the Dazza Dallas web site and pre-order now.
Dinkie: I heard this new series is pretty hot
Dazzi: Yes, Dazzi takes on cannibals who also have lusty habit off sexually assualting their victims first. Dazzi takes them on, and wins in the end as we expect. Well, after getting a bit roughed up sometimes and having a sore ... you know.

Dinkie: Back to the football. Group 3! The Pheonix, or Qazox played one of the best - Az-cz or the Gnomes. Yes, it was a good game to watch. I recommend people watch it on JGN.
Dazzi: In the end, it was a drawn between these two great sides. 1 ALL but I think a great result for the Qazox team in the end. It's like playing Jeruselem and drawing.
Dinkie: Looking good, the birds of fire!
Dazzi: Waiting for the crash and burning episode.

Dinkie: Group 4 and guess who won another game! Yes, Jeru FC did it again. Kate Bush is a genius.
Dazzi: Well done to the army men from Jeru FC beating Homieville ONE NIL. They might not be last after all.
Dinkie: Yes, two wins for Jeru FC. A good way to improve the rankigs for sure.
Dazzi: Da homies got gunned down!

Dinkie: Group 5. Bettia bounced back from their loss and well, won. There just can't draw can they?
Dazzi: Dazzi likes Bettia. Bettia beat TT Lake Side TWO NIL, but the laker people were a weaker team than Green Wombat.
Dinkie: Oddly, the Wombats lost their game to Bazalonia today.
Dazzi: Bazalonia the team with funny colours?

Dinkie: Ariddia - what's going on! Another draw. This time NIL ALL, Ariddia - we support you. Please get back into the winning habit.
Dazzi: Dazzi is worried. She might have to help out Ariddia with their problems.
Dinkie: Yes, it's not looking good with all these draws. They need wins - maybe they need Dazza Dallas as coach.
Dazzi: Dazzi thinks good idea too but not sure if Dazza wants to coach Ariddia.

Dinkie: Group 9! Quakmybush roll on trampling on the hapless and goalless Noirthemme, FOUR NIL. The Quaks are looking good, holding onto 2nd spot from the Gogs based on head-to-head results. This is going to be real tight.
Dazzi: Noirthemme are Frenchies, white flag wavers, results in World Cup 36 prove it.

Dinkie: Planting finally! They got a win! They beat the equally terrible Trumanistan TWO NIL but both teams are still bottom 3 material.
Dazzi: Dazzi think Planting need more roots.
Dinkie: What a joke Dazzi ...
Dazzi: Dazzi like roots.

Dinkie: The Gogs had no issues with the team from Patusan. FOUR NIL but they seem to be missing a player ...
Dazzi: Jeruselem play Northern Bettia next, both teams lost players to Patusan. I hope Gog player not eaten.
Dinkie: Yes, we lost John Bozat. That's why Kate Dallas it out there now.
Dazzi: Kate cute girl like Dazzi.

Dinkie: And the BATTLE OF THE CRUSADERS! Jeruselem vs St Samuel.
Dazzi: People with big swords fight it out, Dazzi is on the side of Knights of St John.
Dinkie: Well, not quite in reality but Jeruselem did win TWO NIL. Solid win for Jeruselem sinking St Samuel further down into fifth. Dazza Dallas put in Kate Dallas as a striker late in the game and well, she scored. I actually scored the first goal although I was a bit lucky with it.

Dinkie: We don't cover Group 11 normally but today we had to.
Dazzi: Errinundera eat Kilmarnockshire alive, EIGHT NIL.
Dinkie: Dazzi has food on her mind, but a huge win!
Dazzi: Dazzi say Errinundera should make finals easily.

Dinkie: No YAP YAP today, that's in our special later episode tonight when we talk to the coach in detail about the games today.
Dazzi: Dazzi likes Dazza.
Dinkie: I think this Dazzi is actually Dazza, bigger boobies.
Dazzi: Bigger the better. Watch YAP YAP later tonight.

Dinkie: What's Dazza say Dazzi.
Dazzi: SUR TON VÉLO!
Dinkie: Dazzi, your dress is caught on that chair - so people can see your ...
Dazzi: I don't care! Dazzi always getting clothes ripped off and thing stuck up funny places.

Raidyo Yum PC news brought to you by Lovely Rump PC and read by Haneef Haneef...

...team dietician Dr Haneef Keelty Bugg admitted that following the 0-4 defeat to Northern Bettia he would introduced more variety into the protein supplements given to the Darts. "Northern Bettia have proven to be helpful in this regard. With assistance from one of their players, Ola Hiyashibara, we should be able to make the necessary changes to the formula."

In related news the Attorney General, Mufti Haneef Hilali Ruddock, has expressed surprise at the shocked response from the inimitable Dazza Dallas when she heard that the Jeruselem football player, John Bozat, had been eaten. "We thought she would support our actions. Our intelligence informed us that she was frequently eaten. In fact, this miraculous ability of hers to recover from (and enjoy!) being consumed, has elevated her to the ranks of the holy in our nation. Being eaten is deemed a sacred role in Patusan. Young men and women often volunteer to become suicide dinners."

Turning now to culture, "Teeth" - the film comedy from director Haneef Roy Lichtenstein - has broken box office records all over Patusan. The tale of the woman with the man-eating orifice has film-goers rolling in the aisles with laughter...

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/cannibalpot.gif

USSE loses to Squornshelous 1-2
By Jan Kruis

The State team suffered a defeat today amid controversy over the officiating in their Qualifying match against Group 4 leaders Squornshelous. The play was heated, with several bookings going to both teams. The Endmile team fought hard but ultimately lost on a penalty shot given by the referee in the final minutes of the match, inciting a riot outside the arena.

The first goal came in the 13th minute when Squornshelous midfielder Axel Tryggve (MF) made an outstanding pass to Pertti Vilho (FW). Vilho faked a shot, then made a quick pass to Dmitri Polokov (FW), who shot to the left corner, beating Vader Schut (GK, Powerhouse). Squornshelous continued their superb passing throughout the first half, but the Endmile defense was able to hold them to only a few chances. When the second half started, Endmile came out with renewed vigor, putting three shots on goal in the first two minutes. This seemed to rattle the Squornshelous defense and in the 48th minute Staffan Thorstein (DF) earned a yellow card taking down Everhart Pieterszen (FW, Arbeidervuist), giving Endmile the set piece. Henric van Nostrand sent in a spinning ball and beat Jaska Wirmann (GK) to get the equalizer.

Play was back and forth for the next 40 minutes, with both teams having chances, and outstanding saves coming from both goalkeepers. Then, in the 88th minute, Dmitri Polokov made a great move to get around Noach Steffy (DF, Royal Blood FC), but Thijs Tullier (DF, Royal Blood FC) ran over and made a sliding tackle in the penalty area. The referee called a penalty and gave Tullier a yellow card, but upon review the tackle seemed to be clean. As the replay was shown on the big screen, the Endmile fans there to support their team (of which there were a considerable amount) erupted in anger. The remaining few minutes were played amid a chorus of boos and cursing, but with no change in score, giving Squornshelous the win.

After the match, Endmile fans took out their rage on anything they could find, and the area just outside the stadium became a battleground between hooligans from both nations. Windows were broken, cars were overturned, fires were set, and a mulititude of people were injured. The Squornshelous police showed up in riot gear and tried to subdue the crowd with tear gas, but this just aggravated the situation. In the end 135 people were injured and 42 were arrested, including 29 Endmile citizens.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/commerce%20heights.pngJaseuyeon || 3 - 1 || Daehanjeigukhttp://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Daehanjeiguk.png

Another loss puts Imperial Team back to the 5th position!

http://www.britishcouncil.org/jp/korea-sport-footballculture-korean_fans_germany-314x225.jpg

It was a dismal defeat that sent everyone an unwelcome reality check - the Imperial Team was still too fresh to compete in such a high level competition. Despite a potent draw against the Archregimancy earlier, this visit overseas was convincing to everyone that unless the Imperial Team manages to win every single match, qualification was going to be the most difficult road to travel.

It was a uniquely homogenous crowd that filled the stands in Yupo, as the match began. Familiar faces trade looks at the first blow of the whistle, and immediately, it was apparent which side was the superior. Jaseuyeon dominated clearly on offense, while showing little defect in their defense. Equally, the Imperial Team held on early, with three shots saved. But after a brilliant run, Jaseuyeon broke the deadlock, with the first goal whipping past Kim Yongdae in the 36th minute. Just two minutes later, Jaseuyeon make an easy cross off a failed corner and net another one, leaving the halftime score at 2-0. Head Coach Cha Beomgeun was adamant that the team work hard to keep a high face, even if facing defeat. It was a consolation goal that came miraculously off Kim Eunjung's foot in the 49th minute, leading some to speculate that the Imperial Team could in fact equalize the score. But as Jaseuyeon came to dominate following the fluke, every minute passing dwindled the hope for a critical second shot that never came. In fact, Jaseuyeon evened their odds by settling another goal in the 71st minute, making it a 3-1 game. Stubborn defense on both sides kept the scores set and the final whistle was certainly exhilirating for the Jaseuyeon opponents, who score their own critical victory, standing back in the top third position. The Imperial Team, in turn, drops another mark to 5th position, as the Group standings reflect the current seeds (with the minor exception between the Archregimancy and Wentland, who will face off the next matchday).

Following the match, Head Coach Cha Beomgeun gave stiff remarks about the future for the team. "We are not quitting our quest to reach the top third, but I must admit that our task becomes much more difficult setting out into the next half of the qualifiers. No match will be an easy win, and we have to fight hard for every match. We must be pragmatic about our speculative chances - we are not favored to progress into the World Cup, so every match must be a hard fought victory. Even against our lower seeded opponents, we cannot settle for even a draw." Answering speculations about his teams performance and his future career with the National Team, Cha also said, "If you're thinking that I'm leaving, think again. This team has progressed very well, from nearly nothing to capable of competing with the best teams in the world. Still, we need more practice and experience to make better progress, but give it one or two World Cups, and our entrance will be almost assured. We have fresh players, and it's expected that they will have trouble. But we shouldn't be ready to blame them or the coaching team for their faults. We need time and experience to win this."

Ahead of the next match against Jariss, Head Coach Cha Beomgeun said, "They're the higher seed, but by the shortest margin of the entire group. With home field advantage, I don't see why a victory couldn't be possible. Of course, we will be practicing still to ensure that we will have our best chance to win. Hopefully, we will not lose the next match though." Despite the two losses, the Imperial team remains undefeated at home, with 1 victory and 2 draws on home turf. Additionally, ahead of the next match, the Imperial Team shows no changes to be made to the starting line up.

Summary of Events:
36' - JSY Goal
38' - JSY Goal
49' - HAN Goal (#11)
71' - JSY Goal

GROUP 12
Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Wentland 6 5 1 0 13 3 +10 16
2 The Archregimancy 6 4 2 0 11 4 +7 14
3 Jaseuyeon 6 3 1 2 10 8 +2 10
4 Jariss 6 2 3 1 8 5 +3 9
5 Daehanjeiguk 6 2 2 2 9 9 0 8
6 Cebumopolis 6 1 2 3 4 7 −3 5
7 Bellzantium 6 1 1 4 7 8 −1 4
8 Central Prestonia 6 0 0 6 2 20 −18 0

New Qazian Press

Pheonix Draw Record Crowd

In Az-cz, they take their football seriously, but even hosting a World Cup Final never saw the crowd that attended the Az-cz/Qazox match yesterday. A crowd of 122,000 at Shangri-La, Az-cz (ooc: Az-cz I couldn't find stadium info.. so if this is wrong, I apologize). The crowd was treated to a great match which ended in a 1-1 draw, that kept the Gnomes and the Pheonix 2 points apart, with only one match left in the first half of qualifers. Neither side could put any shots by the other's keeper in the first half, but then Qazox struck first on Greg Holden's 64th minute goal. The Pheonix held the shut-out until EE-or's goal in the 83rd minute, which sent the home crowd into a tizzy. But just 7 minutes later it was over and nothing was settled as to which side was better.

Up next for Qazox is the beginning of a 3-match home stand. Up first is Cookesland at Estadia Pika, Pika City. During the homestand, the Pheonix will travel to Capitalizt Slani for a friendly against the other Co-host. Qazox defeated the other Co-host Cafundeu 2-1 earlier this year.


Match Summary:
64': Goal (QZX) Greg Holden
83': Goal (Az-cz) EE-Or


Shots:
Az-cz: 12
Qazox: 13

Corners:
Az-cz: 8
Qazox: 6

FOULS:
Az-cz: 9
Qazox: 9

The Daily Quak
Keep Rolling Rolling Rolling

The Quakmybush National Soccer Team are continuing their impressive World Cup 36 Qualifying Run with a 3-0 win over Trumanistan, a 2-1 loss to Jeruselem, a 3-0 win over St. Samuel, and a 4-0 win over Noirthemme. The game against Trumanistan was won easily, with the Sharks having 84% possession. The goals were scored by Cory Sorley on a wonderful cross from Jon Fields. Matthew Graves potted one when he headed in a corner. The third and final goal was scored Frank Manu who let one fly from the bottom of the centre circle. Next up for the Sharks was one of the most elite teams in the field, Jeruselem, once runners up at the tourney, it wasn't going to be an easy game. It wasn't the Sharks went down two, and could not catch up, Clifford Baker did score a goal in the losing effort. The Sharks then pushed aside St Samuel 3-0, on goals by Jon Fields, Josh Jenkins, and in an extraordinary sight, goaltender Cam Carroll scored a goal from his own side of the centre circle that found the St Samuel keeper asleep at the wheel. In the game vs Noirthemme goals were scored by Jon Fields, who had a hattrick within the first ten minutes of the game, and Matthew Graves who scored a goal off of his heel.

Quakmybush - 3
Sorley 23' Graves 43' Manu 69'
Trumanistan - 0
None

Quakmybush - 1
Baker 49'
Jeruselem
Forward 34' Midfielder 41'

Quakmybush - 3
Fields 13' Jenkins 67' Carroll 83'
St Samuel
None

Quakmybush - 4
Fields 3' 6' 9' Graves 61'
Noirthemme
None

Goal Scorers
Fields - 7
Sorley - 3
Baker, Graves - 2
Bricking, Plett, Graves, Manu, Carroll, Jenkins - 1


Lineup for vs Planting (Hughes Stadium)
GK: Brooks
DEF: Gait, Juteer, Valez, Manu
MID: Fields, Bricking
FOR: Sorley, Graves, Baker, Martin

Inside the Flaggon Dragon

<TV announcer:.. And FloG can't put the shot away, Jamie Ota can't clear it out, Qak takes a shot, deflected by Javier Kogan, Sun has it, tries again, Blocked by Kogan! What a save, FloG is throwing every thing at the net. Auq with a shot, blocked by kogan, and the whistle blows. Oh my god, Kogan is an animal out there! 18 saves, including those 3 in the final seconds. The Potheads hold on to a 2-1 win and they now have won 5 in row!
Goal recap: FloG's Auq in the 40th gave the home side the early lead, but 2 goals from Fernando Reif in the 68th and 79th minutes gave the Potheads the win.
Now comes the biggest challenge back-to-back home games against Vilita and The Holy Empire. A win in either of those two matches, and Sativaville will control thier destiny for qualifcation.
For STV, this has been Brian Stewart.>


Police Chief Danner: So how much did we win for that one?

Mayor Cremit: About 6 million WS.

Danner: What about the Vilita match? we going to bet on the team or no?

Cremit: We're going tobet on the number of Vilitan goals. I believe it's 3 now. And we're gonna.... (stops mid-sentence)

Bartender: Excuse me, but i couldn't but overhear you to these last couple of weeks.

Cremit: Heard what?

Bartender: I know you are fixing the scores of the matches, and i want in.

Danner: Or else what?

Bartender: I have tapes of you talking. Listen, i got about 2 million WS. I want in or else i go to the SIA (Sativaville Inteligence Agency) and turn them in.

(Danner and Cremit talk amongst themselves for a bit then turn back to the bartender)

Cremit: Fine, you're in.

Graham City Sun: Sports Section

Youth Combines With Strange Environment To Produce Crushing Defeat
Rumors Swirl Around FFLC Action
Iain Macintosh

BIG TREE CAMP - Errinundera is, and always has been, a very strange place for the national teams of the Alliance to play in. The vastly different lifestyles, the reverence of trees, and just the look of the place has often been enough to unnerve even the most steady of Clan players. But the youth of the Galaxy was enough to cause some serious trouble, especially for Rubian Tomislav, who has become the heart and soul of this national team. During the game, the 4-3-3 formation selected by manager Andrew Creek really looked like a wise tactical challenge, and even his detractors such as ASPN commentator Thomas Neagle tipping their hats to the manager.

The possession always favored the Potoroos, but the Galaxy, particularly Jim Clive, who really impressed for the first time in this cup, using his sure feet and deft movement to make every touch count, providing plenty of opportunities for wingers de Mata and Palaiopolous to cross into Tomislav. The blunted attack of the Galaxy really showed during the first twenty minutes, when the Galaxy came out strong and had a cross completion rate of 10/12, but only two shots as Tomislav repeatedly back out of challenges and tackles with the Errinunderan defence.

Both McGinney and Creek became visibly upset after a particularly weak shot allowed defender aryayre to blast it behind the advancing back line to snaporoo, who blew it past the outclassed Mannic and in. It was a recurring theme all game long, and he went straight to the dressing room after being taken off in the 55th minute.

The loss to Errinundera has now raised the importance of the Bostopia-Errinundera result, as well as the glaring, glaring result that could be the Rugiero draw. The best case results for the Galaxy would of course be a draw and a Galaxy victory over Bushes Been Quaked. This would put the Galaxy on top of the group, and depending on the margin of victory even on goal differential.

In other footballing news, the three-ring circus surrounding the status of manager Andrew Creek continues as the FFLC has announced it has made a series of 'preventative actions' to calm the storm around Creek's departure and the promotion of Silas McGinney. Rumors have flown across the wireless networks that make of the internet, television, and other various media sources. One internet sports site, www.footballing.tlc, claimed that the actions were to prop up Creek by signing a binding agreement not to promote Silas McGinney to manager until at least World Cup 37. Another radio station the TEAM 1040 AM reported that should Creek be promoted, he would not receive pay unless performance benchmarks were met, and could be replaced at the drop of the at.

Whatever the actions were, they combined with the loss @ Errinundera and the draw @ Rugiero mean that no Alliance footballing fan will be uninterested in this campaign.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/errinundera.png Errinundera 2 - 1 The Lowland Clans http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/the_lowland_clans.png
McGilarney (61') - snaporoo (17')
- froesu (65')

MATCH STATS TLC Errinundera

SHOTS (ON GOAL) 5 (3) 8 (5)
POSSESSION 44% 56%
CORNERS 4 9
FREE KICKS 12 8
FOULS 6 9
PASSES COMPLETE 86% 71%
CROSS COMPLETE 29% 26%
TACKLES WON 72% 80%
HEADERS WON 44% 56%
YELLOW CARDS 0 0
RED CARDS 0 0


Galaxy Lineup (4-3-3):
GK: Mannic 6
DR: Heath 7
DL: Hock 7
DC: Xavier 7, Kilgallow 7
DM: Westley 7
AMR: de Mata 7
AML: Palaiopolous 7
MC: McGilarny 7, Clive 8
ST: Tomislav 5 (Off 55'), Alameida 6 (on 55')

Victory Overshadowed by Anti-Creek Protest
McGinney Condemns Action; FFLC Announces Strict Security Measures
Iain Macintosh

LONDON - The FFLC it has announced it will no longer be providing tickets for large groups of supporters or supporters clubs, and has begun blacklisting several more of the 'excessive' clubs from even receiving plane tickets after a near-riot outside of Tellman Field where four supporters groups, the Imperial Navy, the Suncrushers, the Executors and the Black Stars protested outside during the match, waving signswith derogatory statements towards Creek and his Bazalonian heritage, with some xenophobic tendancies clearly showing. The crowd set off the near riot by attacking two Creek supporters dressed in the black and gold of Bazalonia.

The London Police Riot Divisions on station quickly surrounded the crowds, dispersing it and pacifying it with tear gas, stun rounds, and tasers. Over three hundred were arrested and twenty are facing charges of leading a riot, leading a violent group, and assaulting a police officer. Silas McGinney, in a post-game press conference, condemned the rioters and states that he would never support a coup against any manager, for whatever reasons. He spoke openly for the first time about the managerial crisis, saying that it was his desire to manage the team, but only at the 'right time,' which implicitly is not now.

While many expected Creek to reciprocate, he refused to comment on the increasingly violent conflict between 'Creekers' and 'Locals' as the two groups have become known as. Several blogging personalities, such as SteveLanke and Personality have declared there allegiances, and have created aggregators for the various supporters of each.

Ultimately however, the near-riot drowned out another powerful performance by the Galaxy, who dominated the team of Abu Omar. Tomislav, benched after his horrendous performance against Errinundera, will be starting against Bushes Been Quaked.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/the_lowland_clans.png The Lowland Clans 0 - 3 Abu Omar http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/abu_omar.png
Hamilton (25')
Clive (49')
Xavier (62')

MATCH STATS TLC Abu Omar

SHOTS (ON GOAL) 15 (11) 8 (5)
POSSESSION 61% 39%
CORNERS 10 3
FREE KICKS 12 2
FOULS 0 10
PASSES COMPLETE 89% 51%
CROSS COMPLETE 21% 0%
TACKLES WON 78% 43%
HEADERS WON 80% 20%
YELLOW CARDS 0 0
RED CARDS 0 0


Galaxy Lineup (3-5-2)
GK: Mannic 7
DC: Kilgallow 7, Xavier 7 (G: 1), Hock 7
MR: de Vois 8
ML: Palaiopolous 8
MC: Westley 8, Clive 8 (G: 1), Androvic 7 (Off 45), McGilarney 8 (Onn 45)
ST: Tomsworth 7 (Off 60), Alameida 7 (On 60), Hamilton 9* (G: 2)

Galaxy Lineup v Bushes Been Quaked (4-4-2)

GK: Mannic
DR: Stjepan
DL: Heath
DC: Westley, Kilgallow
MR: de Mata
ML: Palaiopolous
MC: McGilarny, Clive
ST: Tomislav, Alameida

Can the Dictatorship Of Bryce Shilton please join?

Meanwhile in Bemm River (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Bemm_River).

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/Telegraph.png

CAPTAIN FOR A DAY
And that’s not the only surprise.

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/Kilmarnockshireimmelfar.jpg
No inkling of what’s to come:
stand in captain immelfar (right)
shakes hands with his
Kilmarnockshire counterpart

Local star, immelfar, stood in today for onito, who was being rested, as leader of the Potoroos for the World Cup qualifying match against cellar dwellers Kilmarnockshire here in Bemm River. With other senior players, namely haimaidu and agloir, also being rested and leading goal scorer, breretond, under suspension, there was the possibility of the visitors taking advantage of the seeming disdain of the home team. It was not to be, however, as immelfar led the way with his first ever international hat trick in a fearsome 8-nil interment of Kilmarnockshire pride.

What can be said? Even the estimated 8,000 Goolengook ferals who had bought tickets in order to disrupt proceedings were reduced to speechlessness at the clinical disassembling taking place before them. Visiting fans were so traumatised by events that the local Refugee Support Collective organised safe trees and counselling sessions to assist in their recovery.

At a poorly attended press conference after the match, immelfar was asked if his Jewish background had been any hindrance as a footballer. His reply has sent shock waves reverberating around the nation. “Well, actually, I’m no longer Jewish. Like owiavi before me, I’ve converted to Orthodoxy. Now, I’m not becoming a monk or anything like that. I want to live a private life here in the trees in Bemm River and, with the proceeds from my opera company, I hope to build the nation’s first Orthodox Church. With any luck I may be able to persuade Father David of the Woods to become the parish priest.”

When asked what induced him to convert, immelfar, said there were two essential reasons. Firstly, he had visited the Archregimancy as a result of the zeal of a close friend, boccacciu. “He is of the orthodox faith and I’ve always admired him for his virtuous ways. Well, he’s been trying to convert me for years so I finally decided to visit the Archregimancy just to see how pious these monks are.”

His judgement is devastating. “I tell you, so far as I could tell, holiness, devotion, good works or exemplary living of any kind were nowhere to be found in any monk. I witnessed only lewdness, avarice, gluttony, and the like, and worse, if worse were possible, these vices appear to be held in such honour that the place is a centre of diabolical rather than of divine activities. To the best of my judgment, their Patriarch, and all around him devote all their zeal and ingenuity and subtlety to devise how best and most speedily they may bring ruin to the reputation of the Christian religion and banish it from the world. But the weird thing is, their religion isn’t declining, it’s actually growing and shining ever clearer. This can only be the work of the Holy Spirit. So, if before I refused to convert, after that visit I was determined to. Accordingly, I was baptised before I left."

When asked for the other reason for converting his reply was simple: “I can now play for Errinundera on Saturdays.”

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Errinundera.png
Errinundera 8
(immelfar 3, 33 & 65, avilmou 7 & 81, scerberu 13, snaporoo 25, otemki 88)

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Kilmarnockshire.png
Kilmarnockshire 0

Errinundera's WC36 scorers:
4 breretond
4 immelfar
3 avilmou
3 scerberu
3 snaporoo
2 froesu
1 otemki

HOLY EMPIRE HERALD

CONFUSION REIGNS OVER PHILOSOPHY WORLD CUP
ISPI and HEFA Claim Ignorance Over Football Matches

By Anna Comneno

Confusion reigned at the Imperial Hippodrome last night as tens of thousands of Imperial philosophy fans turned up to watch the Holy Empire's philosophy squad take on the neo-Platonists of British Londinium, only for a football match to break out after the initial statement of philosophical positions.

"I'm outraged!" said typical fan Julio Botaniates. "I was expecting 90 minutes of intense discussion about the meaning - or meaninglessness - of life, and instead I get 22 idiots kicking a spherical object across a large patch of grass. I don't buy that this is some sort of metaphor, and I want my nomismatas back!"

Unfortunately, it seems that this has not been a unique occurrence this campaign, with football matches also breaking out in the contests against the logical positivists of Vilita, the classical stoics of Herchimer, and indeed all of the other philosophy debates this season.

Officials from the Imperial Secretariat of the Purple Inkwell and the Holy Empire Football Association refused to comment, except to let it be known in a short statement that "they do things differently in Ordinary Reality", and that Imperial philosophy fans should be "patient with this unusual tournament format."

The good news is that last night's easy 3-0 victory over the neo-Platonists places the Holy Empire top of their group, with one of only two perfect records in qualification. The only other team with a perfect record, Elves Security Forces, are believed to follow a local philosophical tradition called 'Elunism' which leading Imperial nihilists have referred to as "a pathetic and meaningless attempt to hold back the Dark." ESF philosophers could not be contacted for this story.

[OOC - this post contains IC anti-Semitism. I want to make it perfectly clear that in RL I categorically reject the relevant opinions expressed by Fr. John]

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

THE POST-MATCH PRESS CONFERENCE
Live From Jariss

With Fr. John the Golden-Throated

"....and yes, it was on the road, but don't you think that only winning 1-0 against a team like Jariss is a little disappointing?"

"In the name of all that is Holy, enough with the questions about whether away results are disappointing or not! With thanks to God, we've just beaten a previously undefeated team, are undefeated ourselves, and have only conceded four goals in six games. On top of that, we're less than halfway through the qualifiers, and we're already four points clear of the mammon-worshipping heathens in third. I'm happy, the lads are happy - you should be happy. Next!"

"Yes, Fr. John... I'm Relao, one of the Jariss squad members. What I'd like to know is... if you’re all monks then…um… how do you get more monks? I mean if women are banished and all how…" <blushes slightly>

"My poor innocent Jarissian... Or is it Jarissite? Anyway, perhaps you're unaware of the fact that the Archregimancy is a seminary and monastic retreat for the more devout citizens of the Holy Empire - and indeed many an Orthodox male from Ordinary Reality. There is no need for our population to grow through, ummm, more traditional means, as our population is constantly growing as more devout Orthodox men join our ranks, God be praised. Next!"

"Yes, Fr. John... have you seen the story in the Telegraph of Errinundera?"

"I don't believe so, my son."

"Well, it seems that the Jewish-born stand-in potoroo captain immelfar has converted to Orthodoxy..."

"Joyous news! I must tell Fr. David.... sorry, I mean our anonymous goalkeeper, who has a personal interest in Errinunderan news."

"Yes, well, Fr. John... it's not so much the conversion, as the what he's been quoted as saying about his conversion. I'll quote....:

I tell you, so far as I could tell, holiness, devotion, good works or exemplary living of any kind were nowhere to be found in any monk. I witnessed only lewdness, avarice, gluttony, and the like, and worse, if worse were possible, these vices appear to be held in such honour that the place is a centre of diabolical rather than of divine activities. To the best of my judgment, their Patriarch, and all around him devote all their zeal and ingenuity and subtlety to devise how best and most speedily they may bring ruin to the reputation of the Christian religion and banish it from the world

Any comment on that, Fr. John?"

"If I can quote my colleague Fr. Vasily the Heavily-Accented... 'Is Outrage!' I categorically deny these vile accusations in the strongest personal terms. You say that this immelfar is a Jew. I will quote Matthew 27:25... И, отвечая, весь народ сказал: кровь Его на нас и на детях наших! or, indeed, και αποκριθεις πας ο λαος ειπεν το αιμα αυτου εφ ημας και επι τα τεκνα ημων"

"I'm sorry, Fr. John... could you say that in English?"

"Oh? Oh, sorry... I forget myself in Ordinary Reality sometimes. Yes... Matthew 27:25... Or perhaps 27:24-25? 'When Pilate saw that he could prevail nothing, but that rather a tumult was made, he took water, and washed his hands before the multitude, saying, I am innocent of the blood of this just person: see ye to it. Then answered all the people, and said, His blood be on us, and on our children.' So this Jew, immelfar, simply follows in the footsteps of his forebears. It is not enough that his people forced Pilate into crucifying our Lord - now he wishes to personally blacken the name of the True Church. I reject this immelfar, and I call anathema upon him!"

"Yes, but Fr. John.... if Christ had to die for our sins, then how can we hold anyone responsible for something that had to happen. I mean..."

"SILENCE! ENOUGH! Enough of this predestinarian heretic nonsense! I have no need to reply to this! I shall answer no further questions!"

<he storms out in a monstrous huff>

Amda-Mo: Well, it stings to be knocked off the perfect record, but we're still undefeated after drawing with Qazox 1-1.

Lur-Mn: Well you really have to tip your hat to the Qazox side. They played quite well and really I thought they were going to steal the full three points. I was absolutely stunned that EE-Or of all people scored the tying goal.

Amda-Mo: Let's talk about that. How did EE-Or get into the game?

Lur-Mn: Who knows. All my contacts said that EE-Or was majorly in the doghouse. I had even heard some rumors that he might be dropped from the squad. I think most people in the stadium were stunned when Levesque was pulled for him. Maybe Zax-Im was giving him one last chance to prove himself.

Amda-Mo: What does that goal do for his status?

Lur-Mn: Well I think it's basically impossible that he'll get his starting spot back. But if this gives him confidence he might become a contributor off the bench. With no real strikers to speak off we're at a disadvantage to be sure. If he could provide us a different kind of weapon off the bench that would be great.

Amda-Mo: On other notes, how did Qazox slow down Pizelkaxrovsky?

Lur-Mn: They bodied him up well, fouled him a bit, and just made sure someone was always there to guard him. It was both good coaching and good play. Like I said I was quite impressed by Qazox today. One wonders how Candelaria and Marquez held up to them.

Amda-Mo: And the Qazox goal?

Lur-Mn: Just a fine play. No one to blame. These other teams have good players who can make good plays. That's what happened. No big deal really. We didn't play poorly on the day, Qazox just rose their level of play.

Amda-Mo: So you're not that worried about the result?

Lur-Mn: Well it's not great to be sure. A win would've really made us comfortable at the top. But if we can respond to take down Zwangzug then we'll still be fine. It did add some importance to that match, though.

Amda-Mo: Thoughts looking ahead to Zwangzug?

Lur-Mn: Not much. We just need to play well. We really want to get all three points but we can't leave without at least one. If we do we ought to be at least tied with Qazox going into the second half. But we don't want to have to come through the playoffs, so it would be best to get the win to give us some real space.

Amda-Mo: Any other thoughts on the rest of the group?

Lur-Mn: Candelaria and Marquez lost again making their early draws against Qazox and Zwangzug less and less revelant.

Amda-Mo: And the rest of the world?

Lur-Mn: A relatively unexciting day. Kampfers winning at Assegai Developments was the only real upset of the day. Most of the top teams are cruising along right about how you'd expect them. And Ariddia further strengthed their title as the king of the draw, unable to break the defense of ARealAdvance.

Amda-Mo: Now it's time to find out if the draw knocked the Gnomes out of the top 6.

Lur-Mn:

6. Jeruselem

Well after losing focus in Patusan, possibly due to some kind of cannibalism related issue, they responded by whacking their opposite number Crusaders 2-0. That means they've beaten two of the top three teams in the group. With a game against Northern Bettia coming up they've got another big test. With the way the Northern Bettians and Quakmybush are playing they can't afford to give up ground there.

5. Quakmybush

Hum dee dum. Just another 4-0 win over a low ranked side. After some struggles the past couple of cups Quakmybush looks to be regaining their stride as a top team. We hope that form continues.

4. Milchama

What do we have to learn from the Fargess match? Not much. But they are still playing like an excellent squad. Nothing much to note about the Warriors that people don't already know.

3. Estresse Intenso

Well they finally gave up their first goal of the cup, but they did it by beating Rejistania 2-1. They've still got a great looking defense and proved a bit more offensive flare. It's looking more and more likely that they'll be crashing the party in Cafundeu.

2. Alasdair I Frosticus

The Holy Empire side has been absolutely magnificent this cup. Yes they're playing a very weird sort of philosophical football, but they've got the best offense and tied for the second best goal differential. They've beaten all of the big names in their group and are looking quite stable on top of their group.

1. Elves Security Forces

Despite all the positives that can be said about the Holy Empire, it's the Elves who maintain their spot as number one team in the cup. They followed up their 6-1 thrashing of Tynelia with a 6-0 beatdown against Aurendia, both teams who have played in a cup proper. They're running away from a group that is one of the toughest top to bottom. And unlike us, Milchama and Jeruselem, they're unfettered by the Audioslavian curse. Indeed these are heady times to be an elf.

Amda-Mo: No love for us or Sel Appa?

Lur-Mn: Nope, though they're probably number 7 and we're probably number 8. Both teams lack a true signature win, as their best is their 1-0 win at the Islands of Qutar and ours is a win over Cookesland. But both teams will place the third place team in their group next so have a chance to improve their profiles.

Amda-Mo: Interesting. Looking at the list Estresse Intenso is the only team not well familiar to Gnomes fans.

Lur-Mn: Yeah. We've never faced them in official play. We might get a chance come the cup.

Amda-Mo: Well let's hope we can beat Zwangzug next to improve our chances of getting there. I hope you'll join us for the game.

Another huge effort by the Monkeys squad has been rewarded with a heartbreaking loss on the road to Tylero. After desperately holding onto a 0-0 draw for the better part of 80 minutes the back four of the Monkeys had a lapse in concentration whilst trying to support the attack and let through an unmarked player one on one onto the goalkeeper. They fought hard for the remaining minutes to try and get back the goal but were ultimately unsuccessful.

Hopefully the team can bounce back in their next game and get a few goals on the scoreboard. That has been the biggest letdown for the team in this competition. They are yet to record a multi-goal game and their only scorer has been Paddy O'Furniture. He has scored 4 goals this tournament and has been a lone shining light up front. Maybe some changes to the team need to be made and some fresh players injected into the action.

Dinkie Dosha and Dazza Dallas reading the international news ...

Dazza: I'm Holy in Patusan?
Dinkie: Like the Jesus of cannibal women!
Dazza: Eh, but in Patusan it's they don't understand what eating in the sexual terminology is all about.
Dinkie: You are the GODDESS wherever you go for the wrong reasons.

Dazza: Someone's got to make Jeruselem famous, even if requires a little nudity from me.
Dinkie: Well, Northern Bettia next! The Fire Ants! They love you.
Dazza: And Kate and you
Dinkie: Me?

Dazza: Yeah, they think you're hot too.
Dinkie: Oh ...
Dazza: Need a bodyguard now?
Dinkie: Yes, I will need one.

Dazza: I'll arrange one.
Dinkie: Hey, why happened during a business meeting at Anime Imports?
Dazza: Why do you ask?
Dinkie: Just curious!

Dazza: We signed some papers, settled some legal matter and celebrated the business done.
Dinkie: I heard it was pretty noisy.
Dazza: Yeah, the last bit was.
Dinkie: Tell me!

Dazza: Oh, I just took off my clothes and got well, eaten! And other perverted Anime things.
Dinkie: You're a bike.
Dazza: That's why I do business well. OK, sometimes I overdo it.
Dinkie: I can see why people like to sell you stuff.

Dazza: Well, make use of a good body while I do look good.
Dinkie: What's Kate going be like then?
Dazza: She's not quite the bike I am but she's still a bike.
Dinkie: I'm not.

Dazza: So what were you doing with your husband in his office then?
Dinkie: Gee, Dazza you have good connections!
Dazza: Hey, how did you know about my liaison?
Dinkie: The room you were in had glass walls, everyone could see you.

Vignettes From A Frankly Depressing Defeat At Cookesland

9.44AM
The Candelaria And Marquez national football team’s jet
Somewhere over a sea, somewhere.
“Wozzit say about Coricus, anyway?” Benji Fu asked Harry Primrose over his shoulder. The young back-up goalkeeper had a laptop over his knees, and wikipedia up on the screen.
“Um. It’s characterised by its wide avenues, tree-lined boulevards, and a coll aw-ful night life. That’s the foreign for ‘colourful’,” he added by way of explanation.
“Right. What else?”
“Erm…it also says it’s characterised by its wide avenues, tree-lined boulevards, and a colorful night life… And it’s got a river. Um. Ooh, and a shrine of some sort.”
“Oh, good.” Fu rolled his eyes. The important thing to young Harry, he assumed, was the euphamistically-titled ‘colourful’ nightlife. Although Candelariasians tended to keep such things under wraps; he’d always suspected Primrose was a bit Melton Mowbray.*

1.23PM
A bar. Not especially colourful, and the middle of the day.
Peter Waddington, the currently clubless captain of C&M, pushed the door open to come face to face with what was instataniously the most beautifiul woman he’d ever seen in his life. He gave her a greasy smile.
“’Ullo, me darlin’. Look, I’m afraid you might be asked to leave soon, you’re making the other women look bad,” he attempted.
“You’re one of those soccer people, aren’t you?” she asked him condesendingly. “My fiancée plays professional baseball.”
Peter quickly admitted defeat before spotting another young lady the other side of the room. She was instantaniously the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen in his life. He looked over to a couple of the other lads, over in the corner of the bar. “’Don’t suppose you know if they have a professional league, here, do yeh? Might be worth sticking around.”

4.38PM
A room, somewhere.
C&M doesn’t have formal foreign relations with many overseas states, so it tends to take care of the ones it does have. Currently, then, the team were reluctantly getting to know His Excelleny, the Republics Ambassador to Cookesland, Bowman Fletcher. A small, slapheaded man, who, on second reflection, may well have a bit of gnome in him. As it were.

6.56PM
The pitch, innit.
“…welcome the players of Candelaria And Marquez…” the tannoy boomed; the announcer taking special care to stress the capital ‘A’. He’d been told it was Important. The two sets of players were kicking ball about randomly.
“… number one, R. Josiah Uwakwe…”
There were a number of giggles.
“… number two, D. Inocencio Sono…”
“Alright, lay off… It was m’grand-papi’s name…”
“What’s the deal with this anyway?” Kieron Tomlinson asked, as ‘K. Lawrence Tomlinson’ boomed over the speakers.
“It’s just how they do things here,” Waddington chastised. “We must be sympathetic to foreign customs if we’re to prosper on the international scene.”
The announcer struggled manfully over Luís Enrique Jaime Jaro Torrealba, before lauching into P. Waterlooville Waddington. Peter spluttered indignantly.
“Honestly, though,” he added, “You’d think they’d realise the rest of the English-speaking world uses middle names as a store for all sorts of embaressments. You’d never catch us being so culturally insensetive…”

The announcer gave up after right-winger O’Sullivan Roberto Reyes Caras.

7.26PM
Reuben Uwakwe lies in a miserable heap in the corner of his goal as Barry Maxwell wheels away to celebrate the first goal. A Cookeslandic striker had broken away from C&M’s sluggish offside trap, centred from the left for Maxwell, who side-footed the ball home at the left post.

7.43PM
Reuben Uwakwe lies in a miserable heap in the corner of his goal as Barry Maxwell wheels away to celebrate the second goal. Fu and Waddington had collided in going for Colin Short’s hopeful shot, succeeding only in knocking the ball down for Maxwell who hooked it into the net from 20 yards out.

8.09PM
Baker hauls off the useless lump that was Yasser Zaghloul in favour of youngster Rex Sandstrom. He promptly misses an open goal.

8.30PM
Steven Fritz fails to test Daniel Campo with a weak effort, C&M’s only proper atempt of the evening.

8.54PM
A group of worse-for-wear players trudge off the pitch wondering how the hell they got draws off of Qazox and Zwangzug.

9.29PM
A hastily-aranged post-match press-conference.
“Err, yes, you. Small, dome-headed gentlemen at the front.”
“Hello, Mr. Baker. Do you believe these last two defeats will make your country re-think its attitude to the insignifance of non-humans?”
Baker looked around desperately. A young man in a ‘Young, Gifted, and Bland’ T-Shirt was “ooh-ooh-oohing”, in desperation to ask a question.
“Now’s not the time, David…” Mark muttered quietly. He turned to the guy from TV1. “Yeah?”
“Mark, many will be asking tommorow if we – or should I say, you – made a major mistake in opting for such a defensive line-up throughout qualifying. Would it not have been better to accept that there would be more defeats, and try and go for more wins?”
“That’s a slighlty simplistic way of looking at it, Joe,” Mark replied, grateful for a sensible question, “But I understand the argument. We win one, we loose one, that’s three points. Draw both, its only two. I apreciate that when it comes to our attempts to gain a better seeding for next time around, that’d help us greatly. But look, we’ve still got a shot at a play-off place, we really have. So the important thing is to think about what we need to do to succeed in this group; not at any time in the future.” We really havn’t got a shot at the play-offs, Mark thought to himself. And if we don’t wallop Sorthern Northland, I’m proper screwed.

*An infamous Candelarian thesp from the ‘20s.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/arealadvance.png ARealAdvance 0-0 Ariddia http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/ariddia.png

Curse of the draw carries over from previous Cup

One nation had reason to congratulate itself after the latest qualifying matches in Group 7, but it was definitely not Ariddia. The Rouge-et-Noirs travelled to the oddly named ARealAdvance hoping for three easy points, but were held at bay when the inexperienced team offered a spectacularly good performance, struggling painfully but successfully through ninety minutes to prevent their visitors from scoring a single goal. The goalless scoreline was the best the Advanceans could have hoped for, and the worst the Ariddians had feared.

The Rouge-et-Noirs have, shockingly, offered ARealAdvance their first point in this competition, while tumbling down to fourth place in Group 7.

Jane Sanderson, who is making her debut as the Rouge-et-Noirs’ first ever female coach, is at a loss to explain the disastrous result.

“The Advanceans weren’t playing to win, they were playing for a draw,” she told the press. “They were playing for a nil-nil score, and that’s exactly what they achieved. Their tactics made things difficult, but there’s no excuse for our failure to defeat them. With our opponents attacking so little, we should have scored several times.”

Sanderson has not yet said whether she intends to make any changes to the starting eleven.

Just like four years ago?

All this, of course, brings back bad memories. Ariddia had stumbled through the first half of the qualifying stages in World Cup 35, with as many draws as victories. It has become a truism among supporters that the Rouge-et-Noirs never lose a match (at least during qualifiers), but that they are haunted by the demon of inexplicable draws.

All is not bad, however. Ariddia has conceded only three goals in six matches, two of those againt top adversary Turori. The team’s defence, despite the absence of now retired Ke Sho, has functioned almost flawlessly, and goalkeeper Cassie Lee is at her best.

But the attacking trio Arbustier-Dargeau-Et is still struggling to prove itself.

Jamilah Shahrour (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Jamilah_Shahrour), famed in Ariddia as a humanitarian activist, played her first match with the Rouge-et-Noirs today, but failed to bring any new impetus to the team.

The Enlightener: gooooooooaaaaaaaallll!
http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/images/FAB.jpg

Aroras Back On Track *

TT Lake Side....................0
Bettia..............................2 (A.Busilanta 29, Miranda 33)

After a hot-and-cold start to their World Cup defence which has seen them crash to two disappointing defeats in amoungst some high-scoring wins, Bettia travelled to TT Lake Side looking to get their campaign back on track, and they did so thanks to a purple patch midway through the first half.

Having been forced into a lineup change thanks to Budi Busilanta's red card against Green wombat, Evan Miranda found himself lining up alongside the two remaining brothers. Although the usual partnership had been broken up, you would never have guessed it as the front three started brightly. Andi Busilanta unleashed a 3rd minute thunderbolt which rocked the frame of the home side's goal with goalkeeper Jackson diving in vain.

Roared on by a passionate crowd, the home side soon settled and began to string a few moves of their own together, looking to exploit Bettia's expansive attacking play. Tripp went close on 23 minutes after being put through by his attacking partner Carrillo, but goalkeeper Chris Swift was quick off the mark to scramble the ball into touch before the striker could make any use of his oppotunity.

Bettia went ahead soon afterwards after Budi Busilanta was upended by Nate Hall as he bore down on the TT penalty area, an act which saw the defender earn a yellow card. As the usual set-piece taker Ariel Hayles appeared to size up a strike around the defensive wall, Mark Silversmith surprised everyone with a deft chip over the wall. Andi Busilanta sprinted past a static defence and crashed the ball home to put the champions one-nil up with half an hour on the clock.

One goal quickly became two as the visitors punished their shell-shocked opponents for some slack play. Frank Myfanwy caught Don Brownlee in possession with a crunching tackle which left the TT midfielder in a crumpled heap on the floor. A short run up the centre of the pitch attracted the attentions of Scott and Mann, leaving the door open for Evan Miranda to sprint into space to receive the ball. A little shimmy saw the Akani Sands striker round the keeper and sidefoot the ball into an unguarded net.

The second half saw a distict improvement in the home team as they fought to get themselves back into the game. Lucas Hatch had a golden opportunity on 61 minutes when he met an inswinging corner, only to see Chris Swift expertly tip his header around the post. Carrillo went narrowly wide shortly afterwards, before he and Tripp forced Swift into making more world-class saves to keep the Aroras in the driving seat.

But try as they might, TT Lake Side just couldn't find a way past their more experienced visitors, and their misery was compounded as the game entered injury when Nate Hall was shown his second yellow of the game for a foul on young substitute Chalie Higgins, resulting in him being given his marching orders.

The next game sees group leaders Bazalonia come to a sold-out Tiddles Park for a match which will be a tru six-pointer in every sense of the word as Bettia attempt to claw their way back into the automatic qualification spots.


Fixtures / Results

MD..OPPONENT................VENUE...RESULT

Qualifying Group 5

FR: Az-cz...................HOME....W 3-2
01: Spruitland..............Away....L 1-2
02: Dance 2 Revolution......HOME....W 4-2
03: Shackfold...............Away....W 6-1
04: Kansiov.................HOME....W 7-2
05: Green wombat............Away....L 2-4
06: TT Lake Side............Away....W 2-0
07: Bazalonia...............HOME....
08: Spruitland..............HOME....
09: Dance 2 Revolution......Away....
10: Shackfold...............HOME....
11: Kansiov.................Away....
12: Green wombat............HOME....
13: TT Lake Side............HOME....
14: Bazalonia...............Away....

Kiryu-shi Suffers First Lost

By Michio Hibbert

Fmjphoenix The Kiryu-shi Dragons faced off against the former powerhouse from Fmjphoenix away from home, and earned their first loss of qualifications for the World Cup, playing sloppy and unfocused football. Fmjphoenix is currently ranked 24th in the world, and had been playing unspectacular football for much of their first five matching coming into their match against Kiryu-shi with two wins, one draw and two losses. Kiryu-shi, meanwhile, were two points ahead of them, with two wins and three draws, sitting in third place behind Atheistic Right and the top seeded, first place Squornshelous team. Kiryu-shi was looking forward to a good performance from their national team to keep them near the top of their group, but the players did not deliver.

____It started out well enough for Kiryu-shi, who started off controlling the ball and the rhythm of the match by passing the ball around among themselves and forcing Fmjphoenix to scramble in defense. Kiryu-shi pressed forward, and got good looks at goal several times early in the match, most notably in the 12th minute when a good set of several consecutive passes found forward Garret McGee in the penalty area with the ball at his feet. His heel pass to Hellen Gandy, who was racing into the box from the right side, was spot on, but her shot was deflected away by the sliding body of a Fmjphoenix defender. Another chance, this time in the 18th minute, looked great, as Pat Mayberry found Giancario Diamanti making a run on the left wing with a great looping through pass, and Diamanti finished the play easily, sliding the ball past the opposing keeper, but it was called back—Fmjphoenix had executed a perfect offsides trap, much to the dismay of the entire Kiryu-shi contingent. The match progressed with little excitement as Fmjphoenix started to play a little better, challenging Kiryu-shi players more effectively, and neither team could break through. However, in the 44th minute, just as the first half was winding it’s way to an end, Kiryu-shi created the first goal of the match with a bit of skill and a lot of luck. Isaac Levi was aiming to clear the ball out to the right sideline when an Fmhphoenix midfielder stuck his leg out and deflected the ball high into the air. The deflection carried the ball up the right sideline where Pat Mayberry and an opposing defender were both standing around. The defender misjudged the arc of the ball, and as he jumped to head it, Pat Mayberry ran past him and was able to control the ball on his own on the right wing. With no defenders around, Mayberry dribbled all the way into the penalty area, where he looped a shot over the charging keeper, and just like that, Kiryu-shi entered the half time break up by one goal.

____ Fmjphoenix was ferocious to begin the second half. Within two minutes of the opening whistle, they were facing an opportunity to score on their right wing. The winger was able to cut past Hendrickson, and he almost got around Doug LeBlanc, but just as he was dashing past LeBlanc, LeBlanc desperately heaved his legs at the ball. He missed, but got a nice spike into the attacker’s ankle, earning himself a yellow card and giving Fmjphoenix a great opportunity. Fmjphoenix converted a beautiful set play, with a low cross to the front post, where a forward tipped it into the net past a diving Jon Crow to level the score in the 48th minute. Kiryu-shi made several substitutions in the next three minutes, putting Emily Boyle in for Garret McGee and Patrick Mann in for a slightly injured Hellen Gandy to try to put some spark into the Kiryu-shi offence, but the moves backfired. As Kiryu-shi focused on taking the lead back, they left an opening for Fmjphoenix for a counterattack. When Diamanti’s weak pass to Mann was intercepted, Kiryu-shi only had four players, including the goalie, on their half of the field. Fmjphoenix was able to take advantage with numbers and scored the go ahead goal in the 54th minute. Kiryu-shi could not create another scoring opportunity, and the frustration got so great that LeBlanc was sent off the field with his second yellow card of the match after he elbowed an opposing player while they were going up to head the ball. The match ended at 2-1 with stifling defense by Fmjphoenix shutting down Kiryu-shi for the entire second half.

____Kiryu-shi will look forward to returning home to face the struggling Homieville squad, who are in last place with a win and five losses thus far in qualifications. Kiryu-shi will start Orson Wells at left side center back instead of LeBlanc, who has to sit out for a game because of his red card. Kiryu-shi, if they win, will have a chance to move back into third place, as the second place Atheistic Right will take on third place Fmjphoenix next week as well. Kiryu-shi will need to play better than they did today if they hope to advance to the World Cup tournament for the first time in their short history.

MD7 RP cutoff

MD7 scores (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12916124&postcount=9)

[OoC: ooooo great RP Candelaria And Marquez]


Article taken from The Coricas Post

Cookesland wins over Candelaria And Marquez

http://i174.photobucket.com/albums/w107/Cookesland/Cookesland001.jpg

Cookesland played it's sixth game in the World Cup the other day resulting in a 2-0 win over Candelaria And Marquez. Both Goals in the game were scored by none other than striker Barry Maxwell who has been on a roll lately, although Colin Short did have a wonderful attempt resulting in two members of the opposing team crashing into one another allowing Maxwell to score.
The team from Candelaria And Marquez put up several shots against goalie Daniel Campo, especially from Steven Fritz.

Another interesting fact about last night's match, it had one of the largest turnouts since Cookesland first sent a team to the World Cup, Three Cups ago. The Stands were heavily filled with fans from both sides, and both times that Maxwell scored the roar was deafening. Many Cookesland Fans have long viewed Candelaria and Marquez as a threat keeping Cookesland from advancing in the World Cup. As the clock slowly drew to a close it became aware that Candelaria and Marquez did not have any hope of redemption.

Cookesland faces an away game at Qazox next, i sincerly hope you come out and support our team.


Heres a handy schedule containing all recent updates and future matches.

Opponents/ Home or Away/ Result
Cookesland vs. Zwangzug - Home - 3-1 loss
Kedalfax vs. Cookesland - Away - 1-1 tie
Cookesland vs. Colonie - Home – 2-1 win
Az-cz vs. Cookesland - Away - 4-1 loss
Cookesland vs. Sorthern Northland - Home - 1-0 win
Cookesland vs. C&M - Home - 2-0 win
Qazox vs. Cookesland - Away -
Zwanzug vs. Cookesland - Away -
Cookesland vs. Kedalfax - Home -
Colonie vs. Cookesland - Away -
Cookesland vs. Az-cz - Home -
Sorthern Northland - Away -
C&M vs. Cookesland - Away -
Cookesland vs. Qazox - Home -

Tynelia Stumbles to Halfway Point

In a thus far disappointing qualifiers after a promising start Tynelia finds itself in third place at the half after another home disappointment. This time the score was closer but in the end it was the visiting Assegai Developments squad that came out on top 1-0 in a close match in the Ice Bowl. Now 4-1-2, Tynelia finds itself struggling to get to the qualifiers proper after a first half that has given supporters very little confidence for the second half.

The team’s four wins to date have been all against the bottom four seeds of the group. Against the top three seeds other than themselves the record is a dismal 0-1-2 with this loss. Clearly the team is just coasting and lacks the fire of past teams. Perhaps a bit of complacency after three straight qualifications has struck the team now as hardly anyone on the team recalls the struggles of the first seven Cups.

Again detractors claim it is the new style change that is ruining the team’s chances this time around. They say that since the team isn’t used to playing this way that the top teams are taking full advantage of the gaps and holes in the Tynelian line to come away with their wins. Others however recall two old Tynelian curses that have seemed to return as well.

The first of these was the home field disadvantage which still has Tynelia sporting a better record on the road than home. Some think this goes back to the Curse of 27 where fellow WC 27 debutees Qazox also couldn’t win a home match if their lives depended on it. The other bad pattern returning here was the old Tynelian midpoint blahs. This other curse always seems to take place near the end of the first half of qualifiers and can extend two to three matches into the second half. For whatever reason at this time the team finds themselves unable to score and drop points most expect them not to. Three subpar efforts even though there is one win in the bunch has fans feeling nervous about the second half.

For the first time people are beginning to wonder if Tynelia needs a change at the top to fix this recent downturn of events begun with a four spot drop in the rankings after last Cup despite a qualification. Despite Coach Jay Masterson’s three straight qualifications in three tries as coach some feel a younger coach may be what the team needs to get back into the groove again. On the other hand Masterson’s supporters claim that the team is still tied in points for second with a three point gap over the fourth place team and that they will find their way into the Cup once again. The difficulty the critics are having at the moment is that they have no consensus as to who would actually take Coach Masterson’s place as coach so they simply repeat their refrain that Masterson must go instead.

The second half will begin on the road against Aurendia, a team Tynelia beat at home 3-1 in the opening match of the Cup.

New Qazian Press

Pheonix Get Card Fever

The Pheonix need to learn to keep thier mouths shut. 2 yellow cards and a red card lead to a Cookesland comeback as Qazox finished the first half of qualifers witha 4-3-0 record, 1 point behind co-leaders Zwangzug and Az-cz.

The match, in Estadia Pika, started well as Yancy Fry scored in the 34th minute sending the crowd of 78,625 in cheers. But the cheering would not last too long. In the 56th minute, Fry was given a yellow card for "flopping", when video reviews showed that he was sucker punched in his back. The card failed to stop the offense as Wesley Tripp, who started for a sick Greg Holden, managed to make it 2-0 in the 64th minute of play.

Then it got bad for the Pheonix, as in the 68th minue of play, Zane West was given a yellow for arguing a foul and less than 10 minutes later, he was sent to the showers with a red for doing the same. Zane threw a water bottle at the referee upon reaching the bench and kicked a ball in his direction as well. Fernando Turek, after the match, confirmed that Zane will be suspended for the next 4 matches for his actions, but he may serve more if the NSWCC decrees so. Now down a man, Cookesland took to the offense and with 2 goals in the final 7 minutes, earned a draw in a match in which they were clearly outplayed.

Up next is Candelaria And Marquez @ SaxerDome, SaxerVilla. A 2-2 draw int he first match gave C&M early momentum, but they have struggled as of late. Qazox, despite Zane's suspension, should win easily at home.

Coverage of the CS-Qazox match wil be at 6:00 am on QSPN2. Also the home match against Sorthern Northland will be at Estadia Pika, Pika City not Champions Field, Qazox City as previously reported.


Match Summary:
34': Goal (QZX) Yancy Fry
56' YC (QZX) Yancy Fry
64': Goal (QZX) Wesley Tripp
68' YC (QZX) Zane West
78' RC (QZX) Zane West
83': Goal (Cookesland) Michael Fedris
86': Goal (Cookesland) Victor Altum


Shots:
Qazox: 15
Cookesland: 6

Corners:
Qazox: 9
Cookesland: 2

FOULS:
Qazox: 11
Cookesland: 7

A football field located inside the Landau Institute. Doctor Rogério Landau appears and meets one of his scouts, Professor Fágner Olambra.

DR.LANDAU - "Hello, professor."

PROF.OLAMBRA - "Oh, good day, boss. I heard that the team didn't play well today in the Sector Delta..."

DR.LANDAU - "Don't worry. Our main team decided to not follow all the orders given by The Machine. They were unsatisfied with the attitudes of their coach, who banned Doctor Cabrini from the team. They decided to not hear their coach, and because of that couldn't find a good way to defeat the opponent team."

PROF.OLAMBRA - "Yes, but this means that we won't qualify too easily."

DR.LANDAU - "No, no. After such a good start, I think that we will qualify. In a way, this draw was good. We didn't loss, and this result was a lesson for the players. Now they know that they must obey their coach."

PROF.OLAMBRA - "I see. After all, The Machine has a lot of knowledge about tactics and strategy."

DR.LANDAU - "The players have to hear it. But I came here to talk about work. What game are you watching?"

PROF.OLAMBRA - "First division of our National League. The team playing in red is the Cardiologists team. One of the strongest here, only loses to the Neurologists and the Psychiatrists. There are some interesting players playing for them."

DR.LANDAU - "And the white team?"

PROF.OLAMBRA - "It's a new, but strong one. It's the Monks team."

DR.LANDAU - "Monks? Not doctors?"

PROF.OLAMBRA - "No, they are Orthodox monks. Remember when The Archregimancy came to play here in the Landau Institute?"

DR.LANDAU - "Yes, they criticized our treatments and left a monk here to bring some holy words to the patients."

PROF.OLAMBRA - "That monk, Father Tiago the Humble, converted a lot of patients here, nearly two thousand."

DR.LANDAU - "Not too many. There are nearly three hundred million patients in the Institute."

PROF.OLAMBRA - "Yes, but some of these converted patients became monks. We have even a small monastery inside the Institute! And these Institute Monks, as they are being called, are converting more and more patients."

DR.LANDAU - "And now they have even a football team in our national league. Are they good?"

PROF.OLAMBRA - "Yes, they are. Currently on seventh place."

DR.LANDAU - "Who are their biggest talents?"

PROF.OLAMBRA - "That defensive midfielder... he is Father Clemente the Merciful. Has good ball control, and good in tacking. The captain of the team. And their main attacker... Brother Leão the Sharp. Very intelligent and has a good shot with his left foot."

DR.LANDAU - "Interesting. Maybe we can use them in our next cup's team..."

PROF.OLAMBRA - "But they would probably prefer to play for The Archregimancy."

DR.LANDAU - "And what about the Cardiologists?"

PROF.OLAMBRA - "The left defender. He is Doctor Hugo Jordan, very offensive and good at long ranged passes."

DR.LANDAU - "Good work, professor. Hope to see more young talents soon."

After more unreported wins, as transport links to abroad were paralysed by industrial action from Wentland Oversea Air Carriers over the amount of headroom needed for the baggage trolleys, Norman Hacker was apprehensive about the trip to the Dreamed Realm. Tricky coves, the beardy weardies, he thought. What would the Press think?

Fortunately, there was no Press. Jack Dint of the Amalgamated Amalgam of United Scribes, Scriveners, Amanuenses and Jotterers stated that, without sufficient insurance for the trip to the unknown realms, his members would not be attending the match. "Seems a trifle unorthodox in the extreme," was his ill-considered comment.

Still, a 1-1 draw and the Swifts were still flying high.

The critical match against Yafor 2 ended in crushing disappointment, a 2-0 defeat and a performance that caused boos to ring around White Hope Stadium.

Recovery was swift though, as Fargess were defeated away by the same scoreline courtesy of two excellent goals from Jamie Kirklees. The pressure from some quarters is now on Andy Woolworth to pick a more attacking side, but with Harrington Lakeside having just sealed the league title with a strong defence there are loud voices the other way too.

One thing is for certain though, and that is that Kura-Pelland are exceeding the expectations of many. They have beaten every low-ranked side in the first go-around, something even some giants like Ariddia have failed to do, and gained an excellent victory over The Islands of Qutar. 'To be one point off the playoffs at this stage is actually quite remarkable really, on some level at least,' Woolworth told NTV Sport in an interview. 'On paper we really shouldn't go any higher and really should go lower, but sport isn't played on paper. We can only try and keep doing what we're doing out there - we have a certain momentum now, we aren't completely green anymore, our best may yet be to come.' And if not? 'I suppose we'd be in with a shout in the Cup of Harmony,' Woolworth laughed.

A home match with Sel Appa might yet provide an outside opportunity to maintain their challenge.

Dinkie Dosha and Kate Dallas as "Dazzi" complete with large pointy stick and bodyguards

Dinkie: Hi, this is Dinkie Dosha. We are in Northern Bettia! We brought along bounty hunter Dazzi as protection in case something bad happens.
Dazzi: Hello, it's Dazzi again. I'm here to keep the hordes of perverts away from Dazza Dallas.
Dinkie: Well, doesn't she attract perverts? And you do too Dazzi.
Dazzi: Dazzi will protect whoever needs help! Bike or no bike.

Dinkie: Let's start with boring stuff, Jeru FC lost again.
Dazzi: Army boys lost to Squornshelous FIVE ONE but it is Squornshelous. But they aren't last still.
Dinkie: Two wins, not bad for a sub-100 ranked team. They'll get a better ranking for next cup.
Dazzi: Dazzi supports Jeruselem's getting-whipping team.

Dinkie: Ariddia - didn't draw!
Dazzi: Ariddia beat Niosis FOUR ONE and are still undefeated with 4 wins and three draws. They can win this cup provided they don't draw too many more games. They won because Dazza threatened to apply for the coaching position!
Dinkie: Dazzi's being stupid again.
Dazzi: well, I do get myself into trouble all the time.

Dinkie: The impressive Cookesland almost knocked over the Pheonix, but the Qazox team clawed back for a well earned draw.
Dazzi: I think the Pheonix can do really well this cup. They can fly (giggles)

Dinkie: Moving along! Group 5 is getting very hard to pick. Spruitland beat Bettia on match day 1 but lost to Green Wombat who bet Bettia as well. The Wombatis beat the Bunnies FIVE ONE. This group is going be real close, like Group 7.
Dazzi: Yes, Dazzi does not like Wombatis
Dinkie: Dazzi, these ones don't have large tenticles which rip off your clothes.
Dazzi: That's OK then

Dinkie: And then Bettia beat Bazalonia in a close THREE TWO win, so Group 5 is on the tight rope with many good teams still in the hunt
Dazzi: Dazzi likes Spruitland, Bunnies. Wombats very dangerous to Dazzi.

Dinkie: Group 9 now! OK boring stuff like the Quaks uprooting Planting TWO NIL, the other Crusaders slaughtering Noirthemme THREE NIL and Patusan eating Trumanistan FIVE ONE.
Dazzi: Fire Ants vs Jeruselem was the big game!
Dinkie: And we prevailed!
Dazzi: Cutey Shane Hooney scored first goal for Crusaders, after proving tougher than his marking defender. He is tough and strong, and no Gog can beat him up.

Dinkie: The Gogs responded with their own goal after Captain Rashina Dallas got yellow carded for abusing an attacker. Well, Rashina's been well behaved until now but she's still got that temper. She was thinking about tearing the guys head off.
Dazzi: Hot sexy robot girl Dazza Deux busted her way through the Fire Ant defense to score a vital second goal early in the 2nd half. The Gogs tried to rough her up but most of them ended up nursing sore limbs because she's not all human.
Dinkie: And Ariddian Fifi Renault got flattened in the penalty area, well by three players and Kate Dallas kicked home the third kick because Fifi had trouble getting up. Mainly because one of Gogs pulled her shorts down.
Dazzi: One yellow to Jeruselem, and lots of red and yellow to Fire Ants.

Dinkie: THREE ONE to Jeruselem. Thugs don't scare us. Dazzi, why don't French girls wear underwear.
Dazzi: Get in the way of things.
Dinkie: We'll keep away from that. That's it for now, YAP YAP is later tonight. Dazzi is being played by Kate Dallas because Dazza got mobbed by some local fans who stole her underwear. She wasn't impressed.
Dazzi: Sayonara!

Dinkie: Dazzi, there's boob poking out.
Dazzi: No problem!

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Daehanjeiguk.pngDaehanjeiguk|| 1 - 0 || Jarisshttp://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Jariss.png

The Imperial Team's Home Charm Wins Another Match!

http://www.abc.net.au/worldcup2002/galleries/day24/korea4.jpg

It was one goal that made the difference, and the Imperial Team ends the first half of their qualifiers 3 games up, 2 draws, and 2 losses. The Imperial Team remains undefeated at home, and has likewise converted 2 of their home matches into victories, with this latest match against the higher seed - Jariss - proving one of the most critical wins of the qualifiers.

The crowds in Pyeongyang were rowdy, chanting for a victory throughout the entire match. From the outset of the match, Daehanjeiguk and Jariss seemed equally aimed at seizing victory from the other. The midfield battles raged on, and both sides racked numerous fouls, including the 20th minute yellow card issued to Heo Jeongmu. Jariss received their own yellow cards for untidy tackles, but otherwise the match remained clean for the remainder of the first half. The scores remained at deadlock, as the goalkeepers on both sides were relatively untested against the offense, each side struggling to break loose of the defense. In the 57th minute, a yellow card against Seo Jeongweon put the Jariss side on a close call for the first goal, but Kim Yongdae tactfully blocked the shot, punching it out for a corner. The ensuing corner kick failed to make any effort, and the deadlock continued. In the 69th minute, with a draw in the works, Cha Beomgeun looked to his tired players and replaced his two card recipients, replacing them with Han Paeng (for Heo Jeongmu) and Kim Byeongji (for Seo Jeongweon). Immediately, the tempo shifted to the Imperial side, as two new fresh feet added some thrust to the offense. A cross by Han Paeng, beating two Jariss defenders, set up a beautiful shot on goal for Kim Byeongji, who subsequently, shot it at the goalkeeper. Unable to keep it under control, Kim Daeeui came up for the follow up and scored the first goal with a easy tap in the 74th minute. The substitutes made their presence known for the remainder of the match, holding fast to their slender lead, and aiming for more shots. Han Paeng, playing perhaps his best match of his short career, made 5 shots on goal, while offering good crosses for the closing minutes. However, stubborn defense on Jariss's side prevented any more goals, and the Imperial defense was equally unyielding. The final whistle brought on the cheers of the nearly 40,000 fans, erupting with ecstatic fury.

Man of the match - Han Paeng - was greeted by the adoring crowds, not necessarily for scoring the winning goal, but simply for his obviously positive support in channeling the team's energy into yielding the result. He gave post game remarks - "I have to admit that when I stepped onto that field, I knew that we would win it. I had no idea that I would help so much to make it happen, but I can't take all of the credit. Kim Byeongji played a fantastic center stopper, taking off from Seo Jeongweon's plays. And Kim Daeeui was always threatening the opponent's defense. It was a matter of connecting together, and we all performed marvelously. And Cha was always calling to us, giving us instructive support. We wouldn't have won without his tactical expertise." Head Coach Cha Beomgeun in turn gave his own comments: "The players didn't yield even in the closing moments, and no amount of practice can train them for that. They performed fantastically. Even if today's result ended in a draw, we would be just as pleased with the result, but to finish that one goal made the difference. Our qualifying prospects have improved, but we still have a long way to go before in fact making third position or even staying in 4th position."

With the end of today's qualifying matches, the Imperial Team sets for a nice retreat, to the practice fields and one international friendly against Bostopia. With enough time to recuperate, the Imperial Team will travel to Central Prestonia, hopefully to take another win there. Cha Beomgeun also said of the match, "We faced them at home, and even though they have yet to win a single match in this group, they still remain a very potent threat. Last time, they nearly forced the equalizer, so we will need to guard against them. Nonetheless, I am confident that we can come away with the win there, because I've reviewed their matches and they really don't perform very well. It's almost as if they don't even exist. In their last 5 matches, they've lost on an average by 4 points, without scoring a single goal. Having played against them, I think that we will be keen for their attacks and defend solidly, while posing our threat on their goal."

Summary of Events:
20' - HAN YC (#7)
26' - JAR YC
57' - HAN YC (#6)
74' - HAN Goal (#10)

[B]GROUP 12
Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Wentland 7 5 2 0 14 4 +10 17
2 The Archregimancy 7 4 3 0 12 5 +7 15
3 Jaseuyeon 7 4 1 2 13 8 +5 13
4 Daehanjeiguk 7 3 2 2 10 9 +1 11
5 Jariss 7 2 3 2 8 6 +2 9
6 Bellzantium 7 2 1 4 10 8 +2 7
7 Cebumopolis 7 1 2 4 4 10 −6 5
8 Central Prestonia 7 0 0 7 2 23 −21 0

Mid-Qualifiers Report
Brought to you by MBC International - Bringing the World Together Again! (세계를 함께 가져오기 다시!)

Group 12 remains hot and contentious, as Wentland and the Archregimancy held their last contest for first position today, leading to a 1-1 even draw. Both teams remain undefeated, although the Archregimancy have had difficulty playing away, with only 2 wins out of their 4 games away, including the one match at Gwangju, leading to a 2-2 draw with the Imperial Team. Wentland, on the other hand, has capitalized well on its advantages, drawing only with Jariss and the Archregimancy. The two top teams are only away by 2 points, making even one upset victory the balancing point for these two teams. In third position sits Jaseuyeon. After an unsettling start, they've comfortably taken their expected seat, with their recent streak of victories, especially the 3-1 win over the Imperial Team in Yupo recently. They stand strong with 13 points, 4 points off from first position. The Imperial Team holds 4th position, and as we've seen the Imperial Team has proven to be a force in this Group. Jariss stands in 5th position, with 9 points and two points behind the Imperial Team. They've had a rocking ride, standing as high as third position, before falling in their last two matches to fifth position. The next two positions - Bellzantium (7 points) and Cebumopolis (5) - haven't had their full share of matches, losing each 4 matches. Bellzantium stands on top only by a victory over Cebumopolis, in fact. And last position sits the homily Central Prestonia, racking 0 points in 7 matchs, yet conceding 23 goals; that's probably a record somewhere, but not one wanted by any reputable team. Still, they've shown to be an uncertain threat to the Imperial Team, with one of their two goals scored at Hangyeong. With the team traveling away in the second half, they might prove to be more of a threat.

In other groups - Group 1 seems to be favoring Schiavonia, with 6 wins and 1 loss. Estresse Intenso is following, undefeated still and with 5 wins and 2 draws. Rejistania - four-times WC champions - seems to be struggling 4 wins, 1 draw, and 2 losses (both against the top two positions). Group 2 is more confidently settled between Sel Appa and Milchama, each sharing 19 points. Their one draw was at Milchama, yielding a 2-2 result, with Sel Appa taking the top on away goals. Yafor2 is in third position, despite their recent loss to Sel Appa. Group 3 is even more turbulent than Group 1, with the top two positions sharing 16 points, with Zwangzug taking advantage of their victory over Az-cz. In third position sits Qazox, wit 15 points. Even if they don't manage to over power both of the two top positions, they rest comfortably in 3rd position for the next few matches, as they remain undefeated still. In Group 4, the top seed Squornshelous is storming away undefeated, with 17 points and scoring an impressive 19 goals in 7 matchs - an average of about 3 per match. Second and third positions are being battled between Fmjphoenix and Atheistic Right, with the former holding a 1-0 victory advantage. Group 5 features the standing World Cup Champions - Bettia - as they stand tall despite their two recent losses. Bazalonia shares the points, but concedes the top position on today's 3-2 Bettia victory, while third position is left to Green Wombat, whose sole loss to Bazalonia attests to their capabilities to threaten either of the top two seeds in any upset victory. Group 6 is just boring, as the Holy Empire remains the one of two teams so far to remain victorious in every match. Vilita and Sativaville each share 15 points, but Vilita takes the 2nd position on today's 3-0 win. Group 7 is just as turbulent as Group 3, with the top three positions separated by only one point. Turori lays claims to the top position, with 16 points, while Acapais and Arridia - the runner-up to WC35 - are left to fight over 2nd and 3rd positions, currently Acapais on victories (5-0-2 versus Arridia's undefeated 4-3-0). Group 8 is also boring, but with more flare, as Demot and Oliverry take the top two positions, separated by three points. The HURD take third position, with only 14 points. Group 9 yields no real surprises, Jeruselem and Quakmybush are only separated by one point, while Northern Bettia take third position with 15 points. The only real drama to come out of this group lies with suspicious rumors that one of the teams in the group is in fact a horde of barbaric cannibals. In Group 10, we find another boring picture, as the Elves Security Force storm top position also victorious in every match so far. Their nearest competition lies with Assegai Developments and Tynelia, each sharing 14 points, with the former holding a 1-0 victory advantage. Unless the bottom tier start proving threatening to the top seed, this one will be even more boring than Group 6. And finally, with Group 11, friendly opponents Bostopia are playing their best, with 18 points leading the group, while the Lowland Clans take second position with 16 points, and Erriundera taking third position with 15 points. Because of Bostopia's current power in the group, the international friendly in Hangyeong will prove to be an interesting test for the Imperial Team, as it prepares for the remainder of the Qualifying matches.

Ahead of the mid-qualifier match against Bostopia, Head Coach Cha Beomgeun has announced the following changes:

Kim Ho

Kim Chigon Pak Geonha Yi Sabik

Song Jongguk Yi Eulyong Go Jeongun Han Paeng

Seo Jeongweon

Kim Daeeui Kim Eunjung

Meanwhile in Bola Mine (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Bola_Mine).


http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/BolaMineTimes.png

RAINFOREST ONE DAY; CLOTHES PEGS THE NEXT

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/SassafrasAreduced.png http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/DOLLYPEG1.jpg

Teriff is beaut; Potoroos are pathetic

Much loved captain and goalkeeper, onito, returned today to the team for the crucial World Cup match against Bostopia in Teriff today while her stand-in dashed off to the Archregimancy (see separate story). With several other senior players, namely haimaidu and agloir, also fresh and the local star, breretond, returning from suspension there was the possibility, after the crushing performance against Kilmarnockshire, of the Potoroos treating the home team with disdain. It was not to be, however, as immelfar was sorely missed in an inept display by the previously proud national team.

What can be said? Even the estimated 8,000 Errinundrians who had bought tickets in order to see the Bostopian World Cup campaign disrupted were reduced to speechlessness at the goal-less performance. Visiting fans were so disappointed with the effort that a self-help group has been formed to assist those who were in attendance to come to terms with the debacle.

At a packed press conference after the match onito apologised on behalf of the team. Her candid criticism of the forwards and midfield has sent shock waves reverberating around the nation. “We are so ashamed. We didn’t have a single shot on goal. And it’s not as if you can entirely blame the forwards. The midfielders delivered the ball poorly. Only our back line can hold their heads up. Those guys were so cool under immense pressure. They made my job in goals much easier. Thank goodness we only conceded one goal.”

Tough-man forward and local star, breretond, perhaps got to the nub of the problem when he told reporters, “Apart from the match itself we had a lovely time in Teriff.”


FOOTBALLER PLEADS TO BE DE-ANATHEMATISED
“It was a joke,” says star

The hero of the World Cup match against Kilmarnockshire, immelfar, missed today’s match against Bostopia as he travelled to the Archregimancy in an attempt to resurrect his religious status. “They want to anathematise me for saying they are a diabolic den of venality. It was a joke. I was merely trying to say that God in his wisdom fills us with his grace despite our human frailties. I didn’t mean to upset them. I will perform whatever self-mortification is required to redeem myself.”


UNCIVIL WAR
Ferals Routed in Battle of Bola Mine

Stunned Errinundrians are still counting the death toll from what has come to be called the Battle of Bola Mine. Estimates are putting the figure in the thousands. The nation hasn’t seen such carnage since the days of the Civil War.

Approximately 15,000 Goolengook ferals travelled upriver intending to demolish the great gold mine along with Glenferrie, the home of the Bola Mine Hawks and venue for the upcoming World Cup match against Abu Omar. Unbeknownst to them nearly 12,000 Hawks fans were waiting. Dubbing themselves the Bola Miners Union, of which many were indeed miners, they concentrated their defence on the football stadium. “We figured that a mine is hard to torch so we sent eveyone to Glenferrie,” said miner grantully. The Ferals, however, made a tactical blunder by having two objectives and splitting their forces.

The first stage of the battle took place at Glenferrie. Despite being outnumbered the Ferals displayed a ferocity that took the Miners completely by surprise. In the course of the battle considerable damage was done to the stadium before the attackers were driven off. The Miners army then marched to the Mine and trapped the Ferals in the middle of their torching. The second stage of the battle became a rout and it was here that most of the deaths occurred.

Sources from within the Ferals admit that they have been effectively neutralised as a fighting force. “We will have to reconsider our methods for ridding this nation of the evils of football,” one bloody Feral told us. “Clearly we have underestimated how many fans there are and how brainwashed they are.” One tactic that has already been employed is to apply to the National Parliament to declare the football stadium and the gold mine national monuments as a result of the battles. If they are successful with the application the structures must be preserved in their trashed states, rendering Glenferrie useless as a football venue. In response the Glenferrie Restoration Collective has been formed with volunteers trying to repair as much of the damage as they can before a decision is handed down.

Convenor of the Bola Mine Football Club, shermanilly, was in tears today. “Errinundera has come to this. It is so dreadful. odo, amamotoy and snapier would be heartbroken if they knew what levels we have stooped to.” When asked where next week’s World Cup match would be played the convenor would only say it was being kept secret for the safety of players and officials.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Bostopia.png
Bostopia 1

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Errinundera.png
Errinundera 0

Errinundera's WC36 scorers:
4 breretond
4 immelfar
3 avilmou
3 scerberu
3 snaporoo
2 froesu
1 otemki

(ooc: sorry but for some reason I can't log-in as Sativaville please count this RP for them thanks.)

Inside the Flaggon Dragon

<TV announcer:.. What a crushing defeat for the Potheads, a 5-game winnign streak squashed by Vilita 3-0. Not a good sign that Sativaville is 5-0-0 against the bottom teams and 0-0-2 vs. the top two seeds.
Vilita's Lukas Liska scored twice and Kristofer Kilpter got the final goal.

Lucky for the Potheads the welcome mid-point break is nigh, and they'll need it to have any chance of getting a win against The Holy Empire, even if it's at home. The memories of the opening match 5-0 butt-kicking are still too fresh in the teams mind and hopefuly that will inspire them.
For STV, this has been Brian Stewart.>

Mayor Cremit: SHIT!

Police Chief Danner: DOUBLE SHIT!

Bartender: What why what happened?

Cremit: We just lost 10 million WS.

Bartender: How? we bet on Vilita to score 3 goals right?

Danner: The line jumped up to 3.5 just before we placed the bet.

Cremit: And Vilita scored only 3 so we lost. DAMMIT Danner told you we should have gone with the under.

Danner: Ain't my fault. They started Erik Hudkins instead of Javier Kogan. Kogan would have let that last shot go in.

Bartender: Kogan?

Cremit: He's our inside guy. Who better to control the score than the keeper, right? And it's cheap than buying off referees, espcially if you're into the freaky sex stuff Kogan likes.

Bartender: Like what?

Cremit: Ever wonder who that young girl he claims is his 'niece' really is?

Bartender: Damn.. thought that was illegal here.

Danner: Not if you go to Green wombat and get married there.

New Qazian Press

40 YEARS OF QAZOXIAN FOOTBALL...WHERE ARE THEY NOW?

(Please note WC xXx Qualifers took place in 1903, Qazox time, WC xXx was in 1905)


After the disaterous final game of qualifing, Qazox was expected to contend during the World Cup xXx Qualifers. Placed in a group with Swilatia, Commerce Heights and Tadjikistan the team failed to perform up to rank and finsihed a disappointing 6th place of 7 teams. The Mice of Miceland, Toranat and Raging Penguins all finished ahead of the team. The poor performance was a combination fof too many older players and poor coaching by Juanita Grazinani. She was promptly fired and retiring Reggie Hassok was named as Coach. Most of the same team that had participated in WC 29 qualifers stayed around for these qualifers, So for simplicity's sake we'll just post the Newer players here (in Blue)

ROSTER:
POSTION
NAME (age)
Reggie Hassok (25)
Alice Springs, (23)

DEFENDERS
Kiel Venice (28)
Jarod Megia (27)
Joanne ‘Square’ Root (27)
Julie Winne, (21)

SWEEPERS
Loki (25)
Danica Childress, (25)
Danielle Childress, (25)

MIDFIELDERS
Andrew Mason (24)
Anthony Mason (24)
Kelly Kinkade (20)
Hugh Dansie (21)
Christian Likens (19)
Fernando Turek (22)

WINGERS
Alicia “Speedy” Gonzalez (23)
Marie Goya (21)
Nelson Macgillivray (21)
Rene LaTreque, (26)
Aki Fa'Mau-Tana, (28)


So where are they now?
Reggie Hassok: Former Head Coach of National team, Qazox' 1st World Cup Hall of Famer, Died at age 42 in 1914 during Cup of Harmony 24.
Alice Springs: Died in 1917 at age 37 due to complcations during childbirth.

DEFENDERS
Kiel Venice: Co-owner of FC Fromburg, Age: 59
Jarod Megia: In Prison for the murder of his wife, a 35-year sentence that started in 1920; Age: 56
Joanne ‘Square’ Root: Living on streets of Pika City; Age: 57
Julie Winne: Head Coach, Qazox Athena (W-League) Age: 45

SWEEPERS
Loki: Wandering around Vallhalla with the other Norse Gods; Human Age:55
Danica Childress: Lives in Kibbutz, Schoolteacher of 5th graders Age: 49
Danielle Childress: Married Rordia's Joanne Turner after Women's World Cup IV (1904); Former Head Coach of Sativaville's Women's team (WWC's 9-12); Currently living in Rordia w/wife. Age: 49

MIDFIELDERS
Andrew Mason: Co-Owner of Mason's Exporting, Age 62
Anthony Mason: Co-Owner of Mason's Exporting, Age 62
Kelly Kinkade: Rear Admiral Qazox Navy, Age 48
Hugh Dansie: Lives in Fromburg w/ wife and 5 Children, Age: 49
Christian Likens: Business Analyst, Channel 9 News, Joehio; Age: 47
Fernando Turek: HEAD COACH of National team (World Cups 33-present), Age: 46

WINGERS
Alicia “Speedy” Gonzalez: Owner of Gonzalez Sports Apparel, lives in Marleyville, Sativaville Age: 57
Marie Goya: Moved to Tynelia with Husband and owns a Pharmacy, Age: 57
Nelson Macgillivray: Professor of Natural History, Gothika State University; Age: 49
Rene LaTreque: Lives in Bruxen, Unknown occupation Age: 50
Aki Fa'Mau-Tana: Lives in Bettia, Customs agent Age: 52

Next Issue: World Cup 31 squad.

Amda-Mo: Uh-oh. That was not the result the team needed going into the break.

Lur-Mn: It certainly wasn't. Only Qazox losing focus against Cookesland keeps us in a qualifying spot. We're just not playing very well right now. Hopefully we'll get our head straight against Squornshelous and come out well in the second half.

Amda-Mo: How did Zwangzug shut us down today?

Lur-Mn: I dunno. I guess it takes a bunch of crazies to figure out a crazy formation. Regardless we only put up a single goal against the two good teams in our group. I think everyone's patience is running out on the 3-7-0. I know Zax-Im's not really to blame, but it just isn't working. Right now a lot the blame has to fall on the -League for what's happening.

Amda-Mo: The -League?

Lur-Mn: Yes, and the soccer academies. But one way or another we haven't developed any world class strikers. Stanleyinho and Bub-Rub were both quite good, but even then not near the level of someone like the Busilanta brothers of Bettia. And they've both been retired for a number of cups. We need a new answer attacking the net.

Amda-Mo: How about the defense?

Lur-Mn: Well Nerazzurri had a rough game this time, but the one goal wasn't the end of the world. The defense isn't playing well, but it's actually not the most troubling right now.

Amda-Mo: Overall how would you rate the first half?

Lur-Mn: How low can my grades go? <laughs in a rye manner> I dunno. We're 5-1-1, which isn't horrible. And we're still well in the hunt for direct qualification and almost a lock for at least the playoffs. But we're not playing well and we shouldn't struggle for getting to the cup proper. We're certainly not living up to the number 5 ranking bestowed on us.

Amda-Mo: And the rest of the group?

Lur-Mn: I think Qazox has been the best team overall, but they have trouble maintaing under percent composure. Samething with Zwangzug. And Cookesland I don't believe to be a threat from fourth. It's really a three team race. I'm not at all pleased with our play, but it really isn't that tough of a group. If we can get results against Qazox and Zwangzug next time around we should still, be ok, but the way we played them this time, that's a big if.

Amda-Mo: Looking elsewhere?

Lur-Mn: As far as the results of match day seven the ones of note are Bostopia knocking off Errinundera to move to the top of that group and Estresse Intenso earning just a draw with Nitrodymium, allowing Schiavonia back on top of that group. But the thing to look at is the big names currently sitting in playoff spots: Rejistania, Ariddia, and Errinundera are all world powers, and Tynelia, Green Wombat, Northern Bettia, The HURD, and Yafor 2 have all made multiple cups. And whoever slips from our group will also be in that selection. Which is to say that we definitely want to avoid the playoffs, as they will be quite tough this time around.

Amda-Mo: Indeed. We are capable of better play than we've shown, it's time to get down to business.

Lur-Mn: Certainly we can. This is a team that's made three consecutive world cup quarterfinals, has been ranked as high as #2 in the world and is currently #5. We have plenty of ability. We just aren't capitalizing.

Amda-Mo: So let's look at the teams who've taken advantage of their skills the most this first half.

Lur-Mn:

6. Sel Appa

The Turtles have just played solid football. No huge victories, but six wins and a draw in Milchama is worth something. That group is almost certainly going to be the Turtles and the Warriors and will probably make that official rather soon.

5. Quakmybush

From a very tough group, just the one close loss in Jeruselem, they are looking good. Despite their excellent play Northern Bettia is close on their heels, so they'll have to keep their focus up. But with the way the side has looked we expect them to be ok.

4. Milchama

Despite the rankings have Sel Appa in front of Milchama, we think the Warriors are the better team. They finished off the second half with a win in Qutar and are right where they need to be going into the second half.

3. Jeruselem

I've been saying the whole time that if they could handle Northern Bettia they'd move ahead of the Sharks. And they handled Northern Bettia. Only the confusing Patusan loss keeps them from a perfect record and like Milchama below them this is a dangerous team looking to break the curse.

2. Alasdair I Frosticus

You can't ask for much more from them. Just an absolutely excellent amazing performance. While certainly not the toughest group going they've dominated all comers and have a six point cushion right now. They really should continue to roll heading into the second half.

1. Elves Security Forces

However the Elves have truly been the best team this first half. Despite a tough 1-0 win over Sons of Monkey on match day 7, they've shown just a ridiculous amount of skill. A few cups ago when they set their sights on the title, some thought it was premature but they really have backed up their dreams with great play and have to be considered the lead threat to break the Ariddia-Bettia lock, which looks a bit unstable at this point.

Amda-Mo: A very solid list. Sel Appa and Quakmybush are a bit smaller names than the rest, but all six are very strong teams. The top four are certainly looking like big cup threats at this point.

Lur-Mn: I'd like to see us claw back onto the list, but it will require much better play in the second half.

The Sons of a Monkey went head to head with group 10 leaders and undefeated Elves Security Forces at their own stadium and came away with a very credible 1-0 loss. They fought hard and gave the previously unstoppable Forces team a run for their money. They worked hard in defence to limit their opportunities at goal and also tried to break them down on the counter attack. Elves scored in the 26th minute and were never really threatened seriously after that but they still had to play at their best to keep their lead.

The Monkeys had limited good scoring shots but one impressive strike from 25 yards by Paddy O'Furniture hit the crossbar behind the helpless dive of the Elves keeper. The Monkeys have shown that they will not be pushovers in this competition but again they have failed to put any scoreboard pressure on their opponents. Hopefully their attacking frailties can be worked out over the mid season break.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/ariddia.png Ariddia 4-1 Niosis http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/niosis.png

Well, that’s more like it!

Hosting Niosis at Haven-Port-Nouveau Stadium, the world n°2 team, lingering miserably in fourth place of qualifying group 7, redeemed itself somewhat today by a solid 4-1 victory over its guests.

Iol Et scored two goals within a ten minute interval in the twenty-second and thirty-second minutes, as the Rouge-et-Noirs ploughed repeatedly into the Niosisians’ defence. A good save by the latters’ keeper after a corner kick prevented it from being three-nil lead just before half-time.

In the sixtieth minute Raphaëlle du Valdor, one of the few Rouge-et-Noirs still playing domestically in Ariddia, did make it 3-0. Cassie Lee’s skill at goalkeeping was briefly overcome to give the Niosisians one goal, then Elmi Hamzah Guirreh, brought in late as a substitute, rounded off Ariddia’s win with a fourth goal.

The resulted has dampened public criticism and concern to some degree, but the Ariddians are not out of the woods yet. Group 7 is proving to be a struggle.

“The last time the Rouge-et-Noirs failed to qualify was in World Cup 27,” one confident supporter said. “I don’t think that can happen again. Not when we were vice-Champions last time round.”

Meanwhile, defending Champions Bettia have stumbled into a couple of losses, but with five wins and twenty-five goals scored remain at the top of their group.

Fans Abroad: spotlight on AZ-CZ

Michael Cobble is 31 years old, and lives in Es-Ef, Az-cz. Born in Ariddia of an Az-czzer father and an Ariddian mother, he lived in his native country until the age of 5, when the family moved to Az-cz. He has lived there ever since, and owns a small bookshop. He has been following the World Cup, watching Az-cz’s matches on national television, and Ariddia’s on PINA (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/PINA). Asked which side he supports most, Mr. Cobble doesn’t hesitate long before saying: “Both!”

And if there were a match between the two teams? This time, he is more hesitant.

“I’d hope for a draw, I think. But if it was in the knockout stages. . . I’d probably hope that Ariddia won. Just to annoy all my friends,” he explains with a smile.

THE MONASTIC TIMES

PATRIARCH FORCES FR. JOHN TO APOLOGISE FOR ANTI-JEWISH SLUR
'Christ-Killer' Remark Overshadows Wentland Match

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe


His All-Holiness the Patriach of Alasdairopolis and the Orthodox Church of the Holy Empire made a rare personal intervention into the internal affairs of the Archregimancy last night when he forced Monastic Football Association spokesman Fr. John the Golden-Throated to personally apologise to recent Errinunderan convert immelfar fo calling him a 'Christ-killer', in reference to the stand-in Errinunderan national team captain's Jewish heritage.

"His All-Holiness wishes to make it perfectly clear that these remarks in no way reflect the official views of either the Patriarch, the Orthodox Church of the Holy Empire or the Holy Synod of the Archregimancy" said a senior Patriarchal spokesman. "Nor does his All-Holiness agree with Fr. John's use of certain passages in Matthew's Gospel to justify his offensive remarks. His All-Holiness welcomes respectful inquiry into, interpretation of, and a questioning attitude towards Holy Scripture, but in this case Fr. John just got it wrong."

A contrite Fr. John later issued a public apology to all Jewish citizens of the Holy Empire and Jewish residents of Ordinary Reality, stating "In the heat of the moment I expressed some opinions that I now understand were misguided and wrong, and I wish to apologise for the offence I undoubtedly caused."

His All-Holiness has meanwhile invited immelfar - who is believed to have travelled to the Archregimancy in an attempt to defend himself against the anathema pronounced by Fr. John - to be personally baptised into Orthodoxy by the Patriarch himself at the Imperial Basilica of the Holy Wisdom in Alasdairopolis itself. "It's the least we can do for this poor unfortunate victim of Fr. John's intolerance" said the Patriarch's spokesman.

The controversy completely overshadowed yesterday's top of the table qualifying clash between group top seeds Wentland and the Archregimancy. A clearly distracted monastic side, said to still be coming to terms with the implications of Fr. John's outburst, struggled to a 1-1 draw against the Swifts.

[Byron Conway] And Bostopia on the counter-attack here at Copsequay Stadium in Fenton, Adam Craiff the right back charging down the field toward the Errinunderan goal, on the right side of the box he crosses the ball in but it’s punched out by the goalkeeper but only as far as Freddie MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARSH! IT’S IN! BOSTOPIA GO ONE NIL UP IN THE 64TH MINUTE! FENTON FC’S VERY OWN FREDDIE MARSH HAS PUT BOSTOPIA INTO THE LEAD!

[Reanfeld] Yes, that one nil win over Errinundera has got Bostopia on a record-setting 5 game winning streak. Bostopia are currently played seven, won six, drew nil and lost one. We can speak now to Bostopia manager Kelly Firth, who’s in Fenton. Kelly, thanks for being with us.

[Firth] Hey it’s no problem.

[Reanfeld] Kelly, how big a win for the team was this?

[Firth] Well, to beat a team as big as Errinundera is a great result. We’ve beaten some big teams on our day before, I’m thinking Turori and the ESF in WC32, Bettia, WC33, Milchama WC34, World Cup 35, well, we beat Quakmybush, and then this cup’s win over Errinundera shows that unfortunately while we only seem to take one scalp per qualifying attempt recent, it points that we’re on the right track, consistently beating big teams. Of course, to beat a team like Errinundera does give us an even greater morale boost.

[Reanfeld] You’ve won 6 on the trot now, a record, will you keep the players feet on the ground?

[Firth] Well, I’ll try, but if their heads are in the clouds winning matches, then I don’t mind them staying there. The boys are playing superbly, and we’ll hope to continue that.

[Reanfeld] A friendly in Daehanjeiguk next, will you be changing the squad?

[Firth] Well, we’ll probably be making a multitude of substitutions at some point in the game, but we’re not going to treat the friendly lightly. Daehanjeiguk are one of the most interesting teams to watch at the moment – and interesting to pronounce – and frankly, I’m proud to be given the opportunity to play them in Hangyeong and test ourselves against this team that will surely go big given a few years.

[Reanfeld] There were some rumours before the game that the Errinunderans thought of Bostopians as unfriendly, and were expecting us to be as such. Do you think that affected them?

[Firth] Well, if it did it’d be the worst excuse for a loss I’ve ever heard. The background of the story is the “UN” tried to come into Bostopia to run surveys on how nice we were. But because the Government doesn’t recognise the UN and refused them entry, the only people they met were angry customs officers. Either way, I’ve heard they had a great time in Teriff, and I’m glad of that. Teriff’s one of my favourite states to holiday in to unwind, and get away from it all – literally, and the people, should you meet any, are really friendly and welcoming. Everyone’s on the same level there because of a real lack of indications on material wealth.

[Reanfeld] Alright, thanks for your time Kelly, hope to speak to you soon.

[Firth] Thank you, and thanks to everyone in Bostopia and abroad for their support.

[Reanfeld] And coming up next, a heart warming story about how a tin of cream of tomato soup saved the life of a puppy.

The Albrecht Herald
C&M hit four for greatest victory
By Tracker Edwards

Candelaria And Marquez pulled off their heaviest ever international win – competitive or otherwise – out of the bag when their coach needed it the most. For the 45,000 baying fans packed into the Millerman Sheppard Stadium, the opportunity to see a reverse of the 4-0 demolition handed out by Az-cz could not have come soon enough. Sorthern Northland were bulldozed out of sight, the sun shined over Albrecht for seemingly the first time in weeks… Oh, and the little legend, Steven Fritz, played like an Elf.* Someone should tell our supporters it’s not always like this.

In the short term, it’s highly debatable whether this win means anything tangible. On a day in which Group 3 did C&M no favours at all, Zwangzug – the one side, if any, the Big Blues would have hoped to overturn – snatched a 1-0 win from an Az-cz side who have visibly slumped since gaining their 4-0 score line on these shores weeks ago. Equally distressing for Mark Baker will be the rapidly improving Cookesland side’s 2-2 draw at Qazox. With the Pheonix at SaxerVilla C&M’s next match, such a result may give us dim hope. Collonie, for the record, took a 3-0 win from the group whipping-boys, Kedalfax. (Even we beat them!)

Okay then, happy faces. Such cynicism and downheartedness is hardly becoming the day after our motley crew gave us the most comprehensive performance of recent history. Sorthern Northland may have looked out of sorts, but the Baptism of Fire proved that they are no mugs. And while their team yesterday was ridiculously young – the entirely of the starting XI were aged 21 or younger – they were no overawed by the occasion. This is certainly not a result that should come with an asterisk in the record books.

On a day when he could – and, frankly, should – have so easily scored the country’s first international hat-trick, Steven Fritz’ first came early, after just five minutes, and set the tone for C&M’s dominance. Kieron Tomlinson – impressive early on but who would come off for Adrian Mazzeo after fifteen minutes – played a lovely, unhurried, one-two with Joey Pipes, who found his colleague with a superb back-heel. Tomlinson’s cross found Speed Wang; whose fierce, left-footed shot rebounded off ‘keeper George Palmer to Fritz, who put it away with his right. Minutes later, Fritz put the game seemingly beyond Sorthern Northland’s reach; collecting a ball from Rex Sandstrom – the 20-year-old starting his first international – on the half way line, jinking past Relondinho and Mark Tugay, cutting in from the left and unleashing the crushing left-footer we’ll be seeing again and again, that flew past Palmer.

A downside of the game came next when Tomlinson was stretchered off with a dislocated shoulder. The left-back has been exposed at times in this qualifying group, left stranded up the pitch after ill-advisedly attempting one of his mazy runs. It would not be unfair to suggest that the younger man Mazzeo would have already pushed him out of the side were he, rather than Tomlinson, a star at Albrecht FC. Still, for team cohesion if nothing else, Tomlinson will be missed.

Sorthern Northland gave Reuben Uwakwe his only real work-out of the game in a fraught ten minutes late in the first half; doppelganger strikers Kang Kan-Kang and Kim Min-Kim both forcing good saves from the veteran star. O’Sullivan Caras and the effervescent Fritz again solicited saves from Palmer. The resulting corner from the second chance should have given Fritz the final part of a perfect hat-trick, but his headed effort went disappointingly wide.

Fritz may be a goal scorer first and foremost, but he cannot be accused of selfishness. On fifty-five minutes he chose to dodge a cross Caras had aimed for him, allowing the ball to fall at the better-placed Sandstrom, who promptly tucked it away despite the despairing lunge of right-back Graeme Shorey. Despite receiving a needless yellow – C&M’s only card of the match – for subsequently revealing his torso, young Rex has clearly done enough to ensure a starting birth against Qazox, should Mamdooh Momtaz fail to recover from his torn hamstring.

The fourth goal, twelve minutes from time gave another player a well-deserved spot on the score sheet. Speed Wang, masterful throughout this game, as ever, drove home from Caras’ free-kick from Sorthern Northland substitute Nicky Murty’s hand-ball.

C&M subs Joel Grillo – on for Fritz who received a fully justified standing ovation as man on the match – and Jos Cornelisse tested Palmer late on; while Diago Maran almost soiled the score-sheet with an attempted lob from 30 yards.

As preparation for Qazox, this test can hardly be considered worthy. As a confidence booster, after three games with no Big Blue goals, it may prove invaluable.

*A tall human with pointy ears. Playing exceptionally well at the moment. Hence.

(ooc: Graeme Shorey and Nicky Murty… I’m guessing SN’s a Reading fan…)

_________________________
Rushmore International News Association Online/Sport/Breaking News
The Candelaria And Marquez Soccer Association have confirmed in the last few minutes that they have no objection to Big Blues captain Peter Waddington linking-up with Cafundéu team Clube Imperial. Waddington has been out of contract since leaving relegated Gamboa FC at the end of the 2006/07 season; and has refused to discuss terms with Albrecht FC and boyhood club Turks KT. A CMSA spokesman said that issues over the player’s availability for the national team, and the sheer number of games he would be expected to play in relation to his C&M team-mates should not stop the 31-year-old signing for the Cafundó do Juta outfit.

The CMSA also confirmed that decisions over the futures of Mamdooh Momtaz and Jos Cornelisse – who have also been offered terms by Cafundéu teams – would rest with their current respective clubs, Marquez-Onwere and Turks KT, and the Candelaria And Marquez Soccer Championship.

C&M have not selected foreign-based players in the modern era, nor permitted foreigners into the domestic league. In recent weeks, however, the CMSC has hinted that such rules may be relaxed in future seasons.

USSE defeats Billopesha 2-1
By Jan Kruis

The State team was victorious today, scoring a 2-1 win against Billopesha at StateTV Arena in Roodland. Having been in the same group in this year's Baptism of Fire tournament gave each team a bit of insight into the other's strengths and weaknesses, and the experience showed as the match was an exciting one.

The first goal came in the 30th minute when Thijs Tullier (DF, Royal Blood FC) sent a lob to find the foot of Henrik Klusener (FW, Royal Blood FC). Klusener ran to the outside, then sent in a flying cross. Everhart Pieterszen (FW, Arbeidervuist) went airborne, beating Matthew Richardson (DF) in the air, and headed the ball down into the far side of the goal. Derek Loose (GK) dove for the ball, but it was just out of his reach. Then, in the 38th minute, Endmile were given a corner and Rudolf de Ruine sent in a high ball. It was headed out by Jeremy Strife (MF), but went right to Staaf Messeker (DF, Destruktor), who sent a shot in to the top right corner, making the score 2-0.

In the second half, Billopesha tried to get some offense going, but the Endmile defense manage to keep them at bay. Then, in the 78th minute, John Finch (MF) threaded a pass between the legs of Veit Schoeman (MF, FC Koningen) to Justin Clinton (FW), who put a quick shot on goal, beating Vader Schut (GK, Powerhouse). Unfortunately for Billopesha, it was too little too late, as Endmile managed to maintain the lead until the end of the match. Billopesha did have a few scoring chances at the end, but Schut managed to keep the ball out of the net.

The State team's next match is a friendly, against the B-squad from Jeruselem. Should be an interesting match, and maybe give us some more insight into the real Jeruselem team's playing style, in case we ever face them. There are also rumours that some Endmile players are being offered international deals, but they are as yet unconfirmed. The Minister of Football has expressed interest in cooperating with other nations to get our players some international experience, as well as to bring some international players into the Endmile Premier League (EPL).

The USSE are currently fifth in Group 4, but we're only 2 points behind 2nd place. It's very close and we still have 7 matches to go in the qualifying round. Grotewohl was successful in its match against Ulzaxid, scoring a 2-5 victory, and putting them in 4th place in Group 6. Trumanistan continued its dismal play, posting a 1-5 loss against Patusan. Bellzantium managed to score a 3-0 win over Cebumopolis, although their standing in Group 12 leaves them with little hope of qualifying.

MD01 Atheistic Right vs. Endmile 3-2
MD02 Fmjphoenix vs. Endmile 1-1
MD03 Endmile vs. Jeru FC 3-1
MD04 Kiryu-Shi vs. Endmile 1-1
MD05 Endmile vs. Homieville 4-1
MD06 Squornshelous vs. Endmile 2-1
MD07 Endmile vs. Billopesha 2-1
MD08 Endmile vs. Atheistic Right
MD09 Endmile vs. Fmjphoenix
MD10 Jeru FC vs. Endmile
MD11 Endmile vs. Kiryu-Shi
MD12 Homieville vs. Endmile
MD13 Endmile vs. Squornshelous
MD14 Billopesha vs. Endmile

Group 4 Standings:

Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Squornshelous 7 5 2 0 19 7 +12 17
2 Fmjphoenix 7 4 1 2 9 6 +3 13*
3 Atheistic Right 7 4 1 2 15 8 +7 13*
4 Kiryu-shi 7 3 3 1 10 8 +2 12
5 Endmile 7 3 2 2 14 10 +4 11
6 Jeru FC 7 2 0 5 7 16 −9 6
7 Billopesha 7 1 1 5 5 10 −5 4
8 Homieville 7 1 0 6 4 18 −14 3

*head-to-head result was a 1–0 Fmjphoenix win

Mid-qualifying friendly results (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12918446&postcount=10) are up.

As all you sports fans out there know, momentum is the key to success, and we at Whootung Sports Guides know it too. So, for your viewing pleasure, we present our analysis of which teams have the "Big Mo" here at the halfway point of qualifying. Keep in mind that our numbers here are not absolute measures; that is to say, the teams at the top of our list are not necessarily the absolute best performing teams at the moment. Rather, these numbers are relative to how one would expect the team to have performed over the last three matches. Again, let us emphasize this - we're looking here only at the last three matches, not the whole first half of qualifying.

These numbers are on a scale of -100 to +100, with -100 representing the team that has performed worst compared with expectations. No team has performed quite as well as that team performed badly (if that phrasing made any sense at all), so there is no +100.

What follows is each team's name, its rating on the aforementioned scale, and for those with a rating significantly far from zero, the major contributor to that rating. (Note that more recent matches are weighted slightly more heavily.)

Group 1
Bercktesgaden +56 (W 3-1 over The Non-RPing n00b)
Schiavonia +33 (W 4-0 over Swilatia)
Estresse Intenso +13
Nitrodymium +13
Rejistania +2
Swilatia -14
Salkehachie -48 (L 0-3 to Rejistania)
The Non-RPing n00b -56 (L 1-3 to Bercktesgaden)

Group 2 - Whootung Sports Guides "Most Predictable Group" of Matchdays 5-7
Keyne Island +20 (W 3-0 over The Comrade Emirates)
Kura-Pelland +12
Milchama +10
Sel Appa +4
The Islands of Qutar -5
The Comrade Emirates -6
Yafor 2 -13
Fargess -23 (L 0-2 to Kura-Pelland)

Group 3
Collonie +27 (W 3-0 over Kedalfax)
Zwangzug +12
Cookesland +11
Candelaria And Marquez +8
Qazox -6
Sorthern Northland -6
Az-cz -21 (D 1-1 with Qazox)
Kedalfax -24 (L 0-3 to Collonie)

Group 4
Homieville +23 (L 0-1 to Kiryu-shi)
Billopesha +19
Endmile +12
Squornshelous +6
Fmjphoenix 0
Kiryu-shi -18
Atheistic Right -18
Jeru FC -24 (L 1-5 to Squornshelous)

Group 5
Green Wombat +48 (W 5-1 over Spruitland)
Kansiov +21 (W 3-2 over Bazalonia)
TT Lake Side +12
Bazalonia +2
Dance 2 Revolution +2
Spruitland -23 (L 1-5 to Green Wombat)
Shackfold -27 (L 0-4 to Dance 2 Revolution)
Bettia -36 (L 2-4 to Green Wombat)

Group 6 - Whootung Sports Guides "Most Surprising Group" of Matchdays 5-7
Grotewohl +66 (W 5-2 over Ulzaxid)
British Londinium +42 (W 2-0 over Herchimer)
Vilita +31 (W 3-0 over Sativaville)
The Holy Empire [AIF] +5
Limbrogidlia -27 (L 1-4 to the Holy Empire)
Herchimer -29 (L 0-2 to British Londinium)
Sativaville -33 (L 0-3 to Vilita)
Ulzaxid -54 (L 2-5 to Grotewohl)

Group 7
Vephrall +40 (W 4-0 over New Montreal States)
Acapais +27 (W 4-0 over Lovisa)
Turori +20 (W 3-0 over Lovisa)
ARealAdvance +8
Ariddia -2
Niosis -4
Lovisa -38 (L 0-4 to Acapais)
New Montreal States -50 (L 0-4 to Vephrall)

Group 8
Novapsolu +52 (W 1-0 over Western Afghanistan)
Demot +13
Oliverry +12
The Canelandic Islands 0
The HURD -5
Kristovenia -9
Shmibabway -28 (W 1-0 over The Canelandic Islands)
Western Afghanistan -34 (L 0-1 to Novapsolu)

Group 9
Patusan +31 (W 5-1 over Trumanistan)
Quakmybush +27 (W 4-0 over Noirthemme)
Planting +27 (W 2-0 over Trumanistan)
Jeruselem +10
St Samuel +3
Northern Bettia -3
Trumanistan -47 (L 1-5 to Patusan)
Noirthemme -48 (L 0-4 to Quakmybush)

Group 10
The Sons of a Monkey +43 (L 0-1 to Elves Security Forces)
Elves Security Forces +33 (W 6-0 over Aurendia)
Ad'ihan +19
Tylero +5
Assegai Developments -3
Kampfers -7
Aurendia -44 (L 0-6 to Elves Security Forces)
Tynelia -46 (L 1-5 to Elves Security Forces)

Group 11 - Whootung Sports Guides "Ouch, That's Gotta Hurt" Group of Matchdays 5-7
The Lowland Clans +42 (W 6-0 over Kilmarnockshire)
Errinundera +34 (W 8-0 over Kilmarnockshire)
Bostopia +32 (W 1-0 over Errinundera)
Abu Omar +21 (W 4-0 over Kilmarnockshire)
Rugiero -3
Bushes Been Quaked -12
Thelema Abbey -14
KILMARNOCKSHIRE -100 (L 0-8 TO ERRINUNDERA)

Group 12
Wentland +31 (W 4-0 over Central Prestonia)
Bellzantium +24 (W 3-0 over Cebumopolis)
Jasīʼyūn +9
Daehanjeiguk +3
Jariss -11
The Archregimancy -13
Cebumopolis -21 (L 0-3 to Bellzantium)
Central Prestonia -22 (L 0-4 to Wentland)

"Heda, janek'ny, h~sene'ny, han'iln!" struggling to understand anything what is about to happen, the narrator starts the universal translator.

The team comes to coach Tahn H~sii-La while the narrator fiddles with the translator they ask "Was gibt's?", "Ne var ne yok?", "kio okazis?", "Láma ata mekalel oti?" (this comes from Hakiu Syku who is new in the team) and eventually: "What's up, coach?" the narratpr was happy that at least that was tackled and promised itself never to use the universal translator to help itself with the homework.

The team assembled in the room and Tahn started talking: "We have some good news from the ASR! They eventually have some ideas for our nickname. I thought maybe we should also have a say in this respect."

"The ASR showed you this?" Ka~nsu Susu asked eagerly, looking at the entries.

"Not quite, I helped chance a bit!" Tahn said, perfectly serious and not aware of any moral issues with that.

"Tell us what's on that list!" goalie Jiie Aoueti asked.

"Ha ve... Invincibles, Tahiakan'ny, Kaskada'ny" he paused and let the chuckles subside. "Valiants, Interregionals, Nomads, Karelan Power, and Rainbows." Some of the group made guestures clearly indicating mental damage. "Yeah, the names were not good. Anyone has a lesser evil?"

The players generally could not agree on one. And generally thought all nicknames slanied rather much. Somewhen, the team had the idea that they could just add names to the sheet. The following names were added: "Pirates, Maniacs" and, since apparently someone read Jennifer Government: "Team Advantage". Now the ASR could at least select an acceptable option.

During the press conference after the match:

Reporter: "Aoueti'he, how does one feel after such a blunder? You could have saved one point for the national team if that would not have happened."

Jiie Aoueti: "ah... feko okazas! Life goes on and all we can do is attempt to make the best out of the past. I mean, I can not step in a time machine and reverse it..."

Reporter: "Did you just speak Esperanto?"

Jiie Aoueti: "Jes, ĉu vi ne povas kompreni min?"

Reporter: "You really should remember that not all readers of this RP understand Esperanto."

Jiie Aoueti: (shouts) "Everybody run! He knocked down the 4th wall!"

Jeruselem Government News

Kiddies route Endmile

Dazza Dallas left the best of Jeruselem world cup team at home sending the younger members to Endmile for a big hit out in a friendly. Endmile aren't a Jeru FC which tend to lost most of their games and aren't pushovers so it wasn't a game to be taken lightly. Even Dazza Dallas stayed at home to do what Dazza Dallas does best (usually without clothes on).

So she sent assistant coach Sark Kozy with the kids (OK, most of them are over 18 except Kate Dallas) to see if they could perform. This included her daughter Kate Dallas who was named as Captain as they had trouble finding anyone who wanted the position. Kate was quite happy to be the boss on the field as she was born to lead like her mother.

In the end, the young team routed Endmile FOUR ONE, with Kate Dallas playing a full 90 minutes as she usually get put in later the game when the opponent get tired. Kate Dallas was a rather noisy captain like her mother, yapping all the way but the team performed. No sign of the tempermental part of Dazza in Kate though as Dazza Dallas sometimes gets a bit carried away with her job. There was an extra passenger with the team, Jeruselem's Crown Prince - to accompany his bike of a girlfriend.

Somehow a Asian female called "Dazzi" sneaked onto the same plane as the Jeruselem team and turned in Endmile too. She always seems to follow out team and turn up with the Dallas girls. Kate Dallas said "Dazzi's here alright, err, I'll be back!"

The Crown Prince said "Watching Kate play was like watching her Mum play whem I was younger. She sure makes a lot of noise and jumps around a lot. You know, we could play the video to someone as they would say it is Dazza Dallas playing. I'm proud of our team and my bike." with Dazzi firmly attached to him.

QSPN BOX SCORE

Slani- 3
52'- Roy Hartenholm
61'- Jūŋ Gaŋ-na
75'- Dīmī̀trīs Theodōrákīs

Qazox- 0

Pheonix shut down by powerful Capitalizt SLANI in Keto at Keto Olympic Stadium. A rare trip to Slani for Qazox and they show they aren't quite ready for the next level yet as the home side dominated the entire 2nd half of play.

Andrew was his normal cynical self on the flight home from Collonie. "Okay, sure, anybody can beat a team of rubber animals 1-0. But Az-cz are going to be a lot different from..." His face took on the manic expression of someone who has had one too many brilliant ideas. "That's what I'd heard! I'm confusing the Sorthern Northland stadium with another weird team...aren't they all."

"Actually, Candelaria and Marquez seem familiar," Jacob ruminated. "Kind of like a cross between two of the teams in our Baptism of Fire group."

"Northern Bettia and Turruth Gordur?" Roger laughed.

"...Never mind."

"Anyhow, better a bunch of stupid rubber animals than a stupid poem or anything," Andrew continued muttering.

"Nah. Poms r >, rit^," Yul prompted.

But it took a punch to make Phillip realize he was being asked. "Uh...animals," he responded.

Yul's expression momentarily flitted to that of a condescending teacher disappointed with a student's error, then returned to its usual vapidity.

Phillip didn't care. Literature was not his strength, and it didn't need to be. Scoring the winning goal against the world's fifth-ranked team was enough.

It was a festive crowd, as the Imperial Team continues to ride its luck at hope. Today, they ended an international friendly match against Bostopia - currently ranked 38th in the world and holding the top position in Group 11 - in a lively 2-2 draw that was mostly clean, with a few fouls. The Imperial Team came from behind to deal two late goals in the last half hour, with two goals by Kim Daeeui. The friendly ended just as friendly as it began, with the players trading jerseys heartily. The friendly comes as the Imperial Team is supposedly entering the "recuperative" stage of the qualifiers. Today's draw serves both as practice and a welcome look at the World Cup, should they qualify. Head Coach Cha Beomgeun looked at the match with optimism: "We held a good team to a draw. We started slow, but we kept at it and they eventually fell. There's also the enormous home crowd support that just begs us to win every match, but we can't count on too much of that at the World Cup. I think the players also learned a great deal from this match, and hopefully, they'll be fit enough to employ their lessons in their next qualifying match in Central Prestonia."

The next match is anticipated to be another Han victory, with spectators suggesting that the Han team could rack as many as 4 goals on a clean swipe, but some of the players are skeptical. Kim Yongdae - the team's stalwart goalkeeper - suggested that the goalkeeper selected to play the match isn't in top form. "He hasn't played too many games, and I appreciate what the Head Coach is doing for him - he's young and has talent, and he's crafting some expertise in low-critical matches. However, we've got a long way to go before he's going to make surprises. There's no doubt that he will perform brilliantly, but we can't leave the expectation of a clean sheet too hard on him; clean sheet or not, he's a great goalkeeper, and I'm certain that he'll have plenty of practice ahead of the match in Central Prestonia to prepare him for the real deal."

In other news today, we've received reports that foreign contractors are looking at Han players to play for a foreign league. An official release from the Imperial Foreign Ministry indicated that the Government was "expediting official recognition of a friendly state, the only official matter hindering a potentially lucrative exchange of players for the Imperial Football Association." The IFA Commissioner Count Jeong Mongjun declined any comments, suggesting that he would wait until official confirmation on the deal before releasing any of the specific details. The name of the country in question has been left out of the discussion, but many suspect that it is one of the teams the Imperial Team played in the Qazox Oxen Cup recently, either Cafundeu or Kura-Pelland. We'll bring you more information as it comes to us.

THE MONASTIC TIMES

FRIENDLY CALLED OFF AFTER OPPOSITION EATEN
Shower Tragedy Leads to Delicious Banoffee Pie

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

Embarrassed officials from the Monastic Football Association were today left scrambling to explain to the world why last night's international football friendly was called off at half-time, and how the sentient Orthodox bananas of the Non-RPing n00b were consumed in a banoffee pie following what has been referred to as "a terrible shower tragedy".

"It seems they were steamed to death in the showers at half time" said a senior archimandrite, speaking on condition of anonymity "and we thought it would be sinful for all of that yummy banana-y goodness to go to waste, so we gave thanks unto the Lord for his many gifts, and turned the opposition into a banoffee pie. Fr. James the Cook is a magnificent chef, and it was quite simply the best banoffee pie I have ever tasted."

It was later clarified that officials at the Grand Lavra were unaware of just how hot the showers were as no monks use them.

Theologians were left scratching their heads this morning over whether consuming sentient Orthodox bananas after their death could count as sinful, as it remains unclear whether the opposition's Christianity or their banananess took precedence in this particular instance. "It's terribly exciting! We'll be arguing about this one for years" said Fr. Seraphim the Occasionally Dangerously Free-Thinking Theologian. The MFA have sent an apology to the opposition.

Officials from the Non-RPing n00b have declined to comment, though it is believed that the nation's second XI - who are human, not bananas, and may or may not be Orthodox - will complete the WC36 qualification campaign.

"BFP With Red Face"

That was the headline that graced Bazalonia Today's page, one of the nations most respected Fauxhan-based newspaper once it was found out that Everrett Kang had been found in the nation of Az-cz. It wasn't the BFP or even any members of any police force from around the world.

It was as simple as an Az-czid fan making an identification. For the last 3 months he had been drifting in a Haze cloud. Catching a commercial flight from D2R just days after after the away match in Dance 2 Revolution Mechanical problems forced the plane down in a nation that he had never heard of before. In order to get the customers on the flight they had a third-party. Which apparently used ex-Abysmastalian aircraft. The aircraft took off and almost immediately started to shed pieces dropping parts of the plane onto the ground and moments later into the ocean. It was amazing that the flight lasted as long as it did but it was inevitable the plane plummeted down to the earth and crashed... right into Atheistic Right. The crash killed 10 people on the ground and 38 in the plane, a further 104 were injured. One of those was Everret who suffered head trauma. He was taken to a hospital one of the few things that the government provided, though mostly for their lackeys. Being a foreigner he was afforded more care, though to pay for the care he received he was lucky that he left with the clothes on his back.

In hospital he made a friend, a very powerful friend, someone he only knew as Ralphy, by doing various faily mundane jobs for him, including delivery packages. He was handsomely rewarded and was sent on a job, this job required a trip to Az-cz, Being provided with a false identity he was able to stroll through Rightist security with ease and Az-czid security found nothing apart from a harmlous bouquet of flowers.

Co-incidentlaly it was one of the Az-czids at the airport security that identified Everrett... He had been given the name Darrid and was certainly surprised to find out who he really was.

The Sons of a Monkey have reached the halfway point of their inaugural effort into the World Cup qualifiers and have not disgraced themselves so far even though many of their fans have. They have performed admirably in most of their matches and have never lost by more than a goal. They have 3 draws from their 7 games and have failed to register a victory but that is not from lack of trying.

Striker Paddy O'Furniture has been the lone bright spot up forward with all 4 of The Monkeys goals. The defence has been especially strong with never more than 2 goals being scored against them. Hopefully in the next phase of the group they can manage to finally put a win on the board but having said that this qualifying effort has been a great learning experience for the team and they will be better for it for their next attempt at qualifying for the World Cup.

So get down to the ground and support your team. Free bananas are available at the gate for throwing and/or eating if you get hungry.

Kiryu-shi Hangs Onto Win To End First Half

By Michio Hibbert

Sakaino, Kiryu-shi Kiryu-shi closed out the first half of their qualification schedule lucky to he in fourth place in their group, as they continue to under perform in their attempt to make it to World Cup 36. They faced Homieville in their last match, a team who came into the match with one win and five losses, and a goal differential of -12. In other words, a team that Kiryu-shi should have been able to dominate. Instead, the home fans were treated to one of the closest matches that Kiryu-shi has played recently, as Kiryu-shi barely edged out Homieville with a one-nil nailbiter. It was a game Kiryu-shi needed to win, and it’s good that they did, but there is not that much room for optimism for the upcoming half.

____The game looked like it was going the wrong way from the beginning. Hellen Gandy was a last minute scratch from the lineup with a tweaked hamstring, and with Doug LeBlanc out following his red card in the previous match, Kiryu-shi had two unusual faces in the starting line-up, Martin Jones on the defensive line and youngster Kazuko Machihara making her international debut at attacking midfielder. Machihara’s inexperience and nervousness showed early, as she lost control of the ball in the opening minutes when she was trying to trap a pass from the defense and gave it to a Homieville midfielder. This kind of play was repeated again and again by various members of the Kiryu-shi squad, who didn’t even have the excuse Machihara did. The entire team just seemed dazed and unfocused on the pitch, playing loose with the ball and giving up way too many easy turnovers. In the 14th minute, a miss-pass by Sidney Hendrickson led to an amazing opportunity for Homieville, who proceeded to squander a one on one with the keeper Jon Crow by hitting the shot just inches too wide. Homieville, in fact, through the first 34 minutes of the match, out shot Kiryu-shi seven to zero, as Kiryu-shi could not manage to keep possession of the ball. Kiryu-shi finally managed to get their first opportunity because a set play in the 35th minute, as Giancario Diamanti’s free kick found Garret McGee in the penalty area, but McGee’s header went strait into Homieville’s keeper’s stomach. Kiryu-shi managed to survive the first half with a scoreless tie with some great saves by Jon Crow and some terrible shooting by Homieville. The possession favored Homievelle 63% to 37% for Kiryu-shi.

____Kiryu-shi looked determined to play better at the beginning of the second half. Coach Bruce Lewis made several line-up changes in addition to his rousing half time speech, and Kiryu-shi came into the match with Emily Boyle at center forward instead of McGee, and Orson Wells in at defense for Martin Jones, who looked a little slow and outmatched during the entire first half. Boyle provided the necessary spark, it seemed, when, in the 48th minute, she dribbled past several Homieville defenders and almost scored, just turned away at the last second by a nice save by the keeper. She got another chance just three minutes later, as she made a piercing, perfectly timed run to receive the ball from Machihara in front of the goal. As several defenders raised their hands to signify offsides, Boyle knocked the ball into the net. No signal came from the side judge, and Kiryu-shi was up one nothing. However, momentum swung around again in an instant. In the 58th minute, Homieville had an opportunity to score on their right wing after Sidney Hendrickson was caught out of position. Orson Wells had to hustle over to get to the player and attempted a sliding tackle to steal the ball, but by that time the winger had already passed. Wells went cleats up into the Homieville player, and the ref instantly took out his red card. Although the forward was able to keep on playing with no injury, Kiryu-shi was down one player for their second strait match. They pulled Machihara for a defender, the untested and 17 year old Matty Truth-Hoffman, who also made her international debut. They also brought back Gregory Iverson who basically played their sixth defender, and they attacked solely using Boyle. It was not a pretty strategy, but it was effective in that Homieville did not score a goal, although they controlled possession again, and had way more shots that Kiryu-shi. The match ended with Kiryu-shi weary but successful.

____Kiryu-shi needed that win going into the halfway point of qualifications. They are still in fourth place in their group, with only 12 points through seven games, worse than what was expected of them going into qualifications. They’d like to take at least 15 points in the next seven games, although with the way that they’re playing currently, that may prove to be a little unrealistic. However, if they start playing better following the week off that they had in between matches, they still have a good chance of jumping ahead to second place, as both the second and third place teams only have 13 points. At the same time, the surprising Endmile squad are right on their tails with 11 points. Nothing is certain in Group 4, and Kiryu-shi certainly still has a chance of putting a streak of wins together. Hellen Gandy should be back for their next game against Squornshelous, at home, and Doug LeBlanc will make his return to the lineup as well. The last time they played Squornshelous, they managed a two-two draw, but they will have to be playing at the top of their game if they want another result that good from the top-ranked team in the group.

Random Stuff from the Albrecht Herald and other sources:

Minor player in major injury

C&M’s third-choice goalkeeper, Paolo Thorpe, will be out of action for at least six months after breaking his left leg in a freak skiing accident.

The KT Hotspur player had joined up with the rest of the national team squad for a team bonding/alpine conditions training camp in the mountains of nearby Switzaland.

C&M coach Mark Baker and the CMSA have been heavily criticised in some quarters for rejecting a mid-qualifying friendly in favour of what has been described by Albrecht FC manager Lloyd Donnelly as a “pointless and potential damaging waste of time”.

Baker shrugged off the comments from his long-time rival, questioning how much good Qazox’s 3-0 crushing by the Capitalist SLANI would do the Big Blues’ next opponents.

Baker also confirmed competition rules would not allow him to call up a replacement for Thorpe; stating that in the event of a goalkeeping crisis defender Juan Carlos Revault would be forced to fill the void.

Baker to be full-time boss

C&M coach Mark Baker resigned as Albrecht Turks manager Monday after being assured by the CMSA his role as national team boss was safe.

The move has been widely expected, with the A.Turks enduring a seriously bellow-par 2006/07 season, finishing eleventh of the sixteen teams in Division A of the CMSC. Veteran midfielder Alan Gutierrez has been placed in temporary charge, though the club’s hierarchy are expected to make a bid for Ironside-Talinger head Dave Carr-Fluck, who has impressed many despite his team’s relegation from Division A last season.

Baker names Qazox team

Coach Mark Baker has named the expected XI to travel to Qazox. As expected, young Rex Sandtrom keeps his place in the hole behind Steven Fritz, with Mamdooh Momtaz still out injured. Adrian Mazzeo replaces the injured Kieron Tomlinson at left-back.

Police probe ‘graffiti’

Community Police in Albrecht have said they will be analysing CCTV footage after an unlicensed mural was painting on a wall in Satter Street in the Newport Basin area of the city. Overnight, the plain red-brick surface was daubed in an abstract design apparently depicting a fruit-laden tree. In the bottom right-hand corner, it was clearly signed ‘The Gnomic Underground’.

Investigations are continuing.

[OOC: Sorry for old posting internet less over weekend, also apologies for ensuing multi-posts]

FLoG Suffers Second Defeat
Diawsam
Grotewohl Associated Press

In a intense match with Sativaville the end result was 1-2 in favor of Sativaville. Sativaville defense was very hard fought not allowing much to happen on offense. The keeper of Sativaville was very good in stopping shots. The defense side of FLoG had a good game as well, but were unable to hold the Sativaville offense from scoring 2 goals.

A forward movement by Auq and Qak found itself pushing the defense around 40 minutes into the game. A shot by Auq powered its way into the net. I believe this to be the first goal by Auq in which the keeper didn't get a hand on the ball.

After the half, Sativaville's defenses became like a great wall, keeping FLoG from getting the ball into the net. As FLoG became more aggressive, Sativaville took advantage, and scored two goals, one nearly at the end of the regular time.

FLoG pushed hard on the goal, but the Sativaville keeper made some amazing saves just at the end of injury time.

After this loss FLoG has found itself in 4th place. FLoG must move up two more slots in order to qualify for the World Cup.

Group 6 P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 The Holy Empire [AIF] 6 6 0 0 25 8 +17 18
2 Sativaville 6 5 0 1 12 9 +3 15
3 Vilita 6 4 0 2 13 7 +6 12
4 Grotewohl 6 3 1 2 16 12 +4 10
5 British Londinium 6 2 1 3 7 10 −3 7
6 Ulzaxid 6 2 0 4 9 13 −4 6
7 Herchimer 6 0 1 5 6 17 −11 1
8 Limbrogidlia 6 0 1 5 1 13 −12 1

On the other nations in The Second Final Solution, all have lost there games. Bellzantium and Trumanistan have little chance of qualifying. Endmile is still in the run, but must pull out a long win streak in order to pull through.

May the Football League of Grotewohl continue in the favor of the gods.

Diawsam the Seer

Pieterszen, Steffy ink deals with CCFM
By Omar Kessel

The Minister of Football today announced that two players from Endmile will be signing with club teams in Cafundeu. Everhart Pieterszen, the top striker for Arbeidervuist has signed a deal with CR Submiria for V$4,000,000, which is a little over M 52,000,000 – a much higher salary than any players are receiving in Endmile. Defensemen Noach Steffy, defender for Royal Blood FC, signed with Clube Comercial for the same amount. This marks the first time any Endmile players have been offered deals in other countries.

When asked what this would do for Endmile football, Minister Markus Doelen remarked that this would help Endmile gain international recognition for its football program as well as give our national players a chance to gain some international experience. This move could also generate some interest in the Endmile Premier League (EPL), possibly attracting some international players.

Now that deals have been finalized, there are rumours that other Endmile players are on the lookout for international deals. Some players that are reportedly fishing for deals are:

Player Pos Rate Current Team
Henric van Nostrand MF 9 Powerhouse
Henrik Klusener FW 8 Royal Blood FC
Jeroen Schulte FW 7 FC Bloemenstad
Thijs Tullier DF 7 Royal Blood FC
Staaf Messeker DF 8 Destruktor
Arje Heynkes MF 7 FC Gelderdrecht
Tjaart Koning FW 6 Powerhouse

Chi Sun-Times-Tribune-Domestic-International-Star-News-Today

Sports Section

Milchama players go international

3 Milchamian internationals are now literally going international as Catch Esrimdo, Kendry Wilkirk, and Clyde Misterson (yeh he's close enough for the amount of times he's applied for citizenship) have been bought out by Cafunduese teams.

Catch Esrimdo, the wing striker for the Legions of Hope, and a U21 starter has not been able to break into the first team of the national team but has been a key person off the bench notching 2 assists and a goal in the past couple of games for the Warriors. He now goes to SC Lasft who will probably want a man of his speed and dribbling ability to help their title chase.

Wilkirk, the defender of the Desert Foxes, was looking likely to move to the bench for youngun Eddy Stocker but now leaves this unfortunate situation to move to Cafundó do Juta to also probably play some version of wingback and maybe some central defender. His offensive prowess as a defender will probably be useful to the Juta but some of his rather to many defensive mistakes probably won't make him many fans in the stands.

Clyde Misterson finally leaves the Desert Foxes after 40 years being their starting striker. His departure makes room for Mongolian Horsies top scorer Daveed Maresh to come into the squad. He also leaves behind a great legacy as the MFL's second all time leading scorer and general Milchamian legend, a rare place indeed for a Collonian. Petardos S/A get his deft touch, wonderful right foot, fantastic speed, great creativity, and eye for goal. Almost a perfect striker Misterson's only problem is his small 5'9" frame but he makes up for it with a 80 inch verticle leap that has allowed him to soar over defenders much taller than him. Most notably his goal to clinch the title for the Foxes when on an 88th minute he flew over 6'4" Mariosz Florfenord to score the winning goal. He will be missed in New Babylon but as he said, "I need a new challenge I love the MFL but something new needs to happen and this provides the opportunity to do that I can't wait to play in a new country, in a new league."

Meanwhile FC Doom is trying hard to get back to the first division. They just hired legend and the last living Bedistani Parker Law as their coach and got Rory Floshin off waivers to try shore up their suspect wingers. Floshin just came off a bad year so anything can happen... New Sparta FC is again trying to outdo their rivals of Old Sparta getting Milchmian legend Silas Milckey to coach for them. Milckey was run out of town at Destruction FC, his last job...Rising Fireballs are again going defensive getting Steve Emter from the Mongolian Horsies. Emter has played well for Milchama but fatigue has been a problem in the past... Speaking of the Horsies they just resigned Rovers Return it looks their midfield will be ensured for the time being... Parell has finally gotten out of Alexandria, sorta, as he moved from Great Alexandria to the Strox Fires. The Fires need more offense to stay in the 1st Division and Parell could really help in that area from his wingback slot...

FLoG Victory Against Alien Forces
Diawsam
Grotewohl Associated Press

Vaulted into a spaceship, I found myself destined for Ulzaxid. A planet somewhere out there in the stars. On the planet FLoG encountered the Ulzaxid "people." They appeared to be animals of sorts than would combine together to create new creatures. As FLoG entered the field surrounded by animals of all sorts as the audience, they seemed more at home than in any other match they had been at yet.

The game started quickly as a steal by Dizzy found a pass to Sun. Sun pushed down the field and unexpectedly (even to me) passed the ball to Auq. Then Auq, Qak and Sun pushed forward as a team. Auq took the first shot, which was blocked, but the "keeper" could not hold on to the ball. Qak was there for the kick in, but once again the "keeper" dove in the way of the ball blocking it, but not holding onto it. Lastly Sun was ready and knocked the ball in.

30 minutes into the first half, Ztat intercepted a pass and started the push down the field. A quick pass to Ash, who then let the ball to Wen found FLoG on the strong offensive. After a few passes, a shot by Qak found its way to bounce off the keeper and out of bounds. On the corner, a start from Ash found the ball in the net after Wen headed the ball in.

Just before the end of the half, a Ulzaxid push on goal occurred. Rad'pole managed to stop the Ulzaxid "striker" moments before it could take a shot on goal. It appears that Rad'pole that Rad'pole is finally getting his grove on the defensive end.

After the half, FLoG continued its offensive attack. The next goal was scored by Auq. A power kick from a distance caught the "keeper" off guard. The "keeper" went for the ball late, and was unable to stop the ball.

After the goal, the Ulzaxid team entirely attacked, overwhelming the FLoG defenses. The midfielders and forwards attempted to move back to stop, but the quick offensive by Ulzaxid resulted in a score.

Undaunted, the FLoG countered once more quickly after the goal. As Sun ran down the field with the ball, Auq and Qak setup in the center to receive a pass. As soon as Sun saw this, he passed it to Qak who one touched it past the "keeper."

Ready for another all out offensive by Ulzaxid, FLoG moved towards the defense. However, the Ulzaxid strike was still a bit much for FLoG. Ryn'raye ended up giving a free kick just outside the box. With a huge cluster around the goal, the ball snuck its way into the goal. It appeared that Goobam's vision was blocked by some of his own defenders as he quickly jerked a moment too late.

To end the game in injury time, a Auq/Qak push ended with another Qak goal. The "keeper" had gotten a something on the ball, but was unable to control the ball. Qak quickly took advantage and scored the ball.

FLoG remained in fourth place after the match. However a Vilita victory over Sativaville gives additional hope to the squad of moving up in the ranks.

Group 6 P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 The Holy Empire [AIF] 7 7 0 0 29 9 +20 21
2 Vilita 7 5 0 2 16 7 +9 15*
3 Sativaville 7 5 0 2 12 12 0 15*
4 Grotewohl 7 4 1 2 21 14 +7 13
5 British Londinium 7 3 1 3 9 10 −1 10
6 Ulzaxid 7 2 0 5 11 18 −7 6
7 Herchimer 7 0 1 6 6 19 −13 1
8 Limbrogidlia 7 0 1 6 2 17 −15 1

*head-to-head result was a 3–0 Vilita win

May the Football League of Grotewohl continue in the favor of the gods.

Diawsam the Seer

Graham City Sun: Sports Section

FFLC Announce Termination of Creek, McGinney After World Cup
Mangerial Search Begins
Iain Macintosh

LONDON - At the post-match press-conference at Tellman Field today, President of the FFLC Daniel Davies announced their solution to what has become a horrendous mess of a managerial situation. "It is our great sadness that we announced that the Football Federation of the Lowland Clans will be terminating the contracts of both manager Andrew Creek and Silas McGinney at the end of the World Cup."

The room then proceeded to gasp, and then sigh. In hindsight, it really was the only option. The behavior of the supporters of McGinney had made it impossible to retain him as manager, but Creek's sinking popularity despite the progress he has made with the Galaxy, and introducing the new youth focused program, and building localized football schools and leagues to support of much higher pyramid than did previous administrations. So what is next then? Well, according to Davies, it would be the search for the next manager. Since they have time, I don't expect there to be a big rush or anything. I'll write more about the search in the coming days, but onto the halfway point in actual qualification

The Galaxy fulfilled their requirement of beating Bushes Been Quaked, by a fairly nominal scoreline of 2 - 0, with goals by Rubian Tomislav and Jose Alameida, the surprise came when on the the supporters looked up at the scoreboard, and saw the various international scores: Bostopia 1 - 0 Errinundera. No one expected that score, and it certainly did change the group atmosphere. Now, going into the second half of qualifying, the biggest match is looking to be the matchday 9 Galaxy-Bostopia clash, in London at Tellman Field. A victory here would pretty much assure the advancement of the Galaxy into the World Cup proper, and with a draw or a win against Errinundera, could clinch the group for the Galaxy.

Oh and a couple of things to say about the Whootung Sporting Guides rankings: One would think that Bostopia would be ranked above both us and Errinundera, and that Errinundera might suffer quite a bit from the loss, but that's just me. And now, onto our own midway awards for the World Cup Qualifying here at the City Sun:

The Pwning Plaque - This award goes to the team that had the best individual match performance during the first half of the qualifiers.

And the Winner is...

Errinundera in their 8 - 0 wipeout of Kilmarnockshire

Sword of Takil - This award goes to the team that scores the most goals during the first half of qualifying.

And the Winner is...

The Holy Empire making defenders look like pylons with 29 goals scores during the first half of qualifying

Shield of Karela - This award goes to the team who have allowed the fewest goals during the first half of qualifying.

And the Winner is...

The Elves Security Forces for building the metaphorical brick wall in front of their net by allowing only TWO GOALS

Bedistani Hiccup - This award goes to the team who are the most highly regarded of have struggled during qualifying.

And the Winner is...

Rejistania for looking like they will need playoffs to reach the World Cup this time around

The Bedistani-Starblayde - This award goes to the team who have performed the very best in the first half of qualifying.

And the Winner is...

Elves Security Forces for going undefeated, and allowing only two goals in all of qualifying!

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/the_lowland_clans.png The Lowland Clans 2 - 0 Bushes Been Quaked http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/bushes_been_quaked.png
Tomislav 33'
Alameida 53'

MATCH STATS TLC BBQ

SHOTS (ON GOAL) 12 (5) 4 (0)
POSSESSION 56% 44%
CORNERS 4 0
FREE KICKS 6 7
FOULS 4 4
PASSES COMPLETE 78% 69%
CROSS COMPLETE 14% 0%
TACKLES WON 67% 54%
HEADERS WON 65% 35%
YELLOW CARDS 0 1
RED CARDS 0 0


Galaxy Lineup (4-4-2):
GK: Mannic 7
DR: Stjepan 7
DL: Heath 7
DC: Westley 8*, Kilgallow 7
MR: de Mata 7 (Off 55'), de Vois 7 (On 55')
ML: Palaiopolous 7
MC: McGilarny 8, Clive 7 (Off 55'), Tomsworth 7 (On 55')
ST: Tomislav 8 (G: 7 of WC), Alameida 7 (G: 3 of WC)

Galaxy Lineup v Rugiero (4-4-2)

GK: Mannic
DR: Stjepan
DL: Heath
DC: Westley, Kilgallow
MR: de Mata
ML: Palaiopolous
MC: McGilarny, Clive
ST: Tomislav, Alameida

MD8 RP cutoff

MD8 scores (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12921345&postcount=11)

From the sports section of the Meice Journal:

World Cup qualifying second half starts with a loss

The team's second matchup against Lovisa in these qualifiers went slightly better than the first, but only slightly. Going Sytrobes received man of the match honors for his valiant effort to try to get some more points for his team, which included hitting the back of the net twice. Unfortunately, Sytrobes' second goal was disallowed by the referee on the questionable grounds that forward Thwante Uambe was in an offside position. Meanwhile, at the other end of the pitch, the best efforts of Vephrall's defense simply could not handle the obviously superior Lovisa squad, again conceding two goals and allowing the visitors to leave the stadium with the full three points.

"Losing never makes you happy," commented Sytrobes after the match. "But even against the toughest opposition there's always a chance, and you just have to go out there every day and do what you can to pick up a point or three. Sometimes you get a performance like the Turori game, and sometimes you don't. That's football."

Final score
VEPHRALL 1 (Sytrobes 55')
Lovisa 2 (<unknown> 21', <unknown> 49')

Neighbors can't get a break against Vephrall

During the mid-qualifying break, Ellime Apenbast played host to a friendly match between neighbors Vephrall and Kura-Pelland. The men from across the rivers were hoping for their first victory against the southerners, having lost to Vephrall twice in the challenge phase of the Baptism of Fire Tournament in the Lowland Clans. However, it was not to be, with a brace from Sorrah Wais adding another feather to the cap of the Vephrese team in a 2-0 victory.

Cafundelense clubs look to Vephrall for talent

Two Vephrese national team players are reported to be in final contract negotiations with clubs in Cafundéu. Custler FE have accepted a V$1.59 million (Λ5.4 million) offer from Dunboor FC for defender Wendelors Clituleng, and recent man-of-the-match attacking midfielder Going Sytrobes will apparently be leaving Stithis FE after an offer from Atlético Insular worth V$2.42 million (Λ8.2 million).

Zwangzug's e-Lipogram

This just in: a quick brown fox jumps with a roving lazy dog (follow link (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12922052&postcount=352) to full story)

In sports:
Zwangzug's football squad got half 2 of World Cup Thirty-Six Qualification off with a bang, winning 4-1 to stay on top of group 3. Only Patrick Andolor got a goal for visiting Owls: all of Zwangzug's forwards did so. So, too, did captain Jacob Barons. Although it's an oddity, his squad's formation can pay off: with positions not as important as in opposing formations, fluidity allows broad possibility for scoring goals, position notwithstanding.

Tomorrow night, high-drama foosball playoffs start...

Sel Appa came back from behind to kill off most remaining Kura-Pellandi hopes of qualification as they won 3-2 in Trilan.

Miquelinho, Estevez and Miquelinho again - all scored in one twelve-minute spell early in the second half after Kura-Pelland had taken a shock half-time lead courtesy of an Alan Grahams cross-shot that appeared not to be intended to go straight in. Jamie Kirklees scored a consolation in the 86th minute to set up a dramatic finish, but as it turned out the only near-miss was Miquelinho hitting the bar when it was easier to complete his hat-trick.

That summed it up really - Sel Appa hardly turned up for either match against Kura-Pelland and still got six points. Bookmakers are freely offering 50-1 and longer against qualification, and on one betting exchange over K500,000 has been matched at 60.0 or longer. In fact, already Kura-Pelland are trading at shorter odds than that to win the Cup of Harmony, 58.4 at present.

The Pagan People News

How to become a Goddess!

We here at The Pagan People News watch the circus following Dazza Dallas. Unlike other football players, she is different. We've done an analysis of Dazza Dallas and we are convince she is a Goddess on Earth.

First thing - she doesn't seem to age a lot. You'd think a woman her age would look "old" by now, but she looks a lot younger. Everyone knows what she looks like without clothes and we compared her to images of old Fertility goddesses of the past. She's basically a short slimmer version of the old goddesses, to us she is an incarnation of Venus, and her daughter looks Kate even more stunning. In time, when Dazza Dallas departs this world her daughter will become new Venus on Earth. See our web site for a comprehensive coverage of how we worked this out, Dazza Dallas the human body of the Love goddess Venus - it's undeniable.

Look at her husband, he's the most boring person you'd ever see. The husband of Venus wasn't the most exciting God in the Pantheon either. While Dazza/Venus is biking around the Pantheon, he's just happy to see her being herself. Dazza isn't one for wearing a lot of clothing, and the old Goddesses like it that way too. Fertility goddesses are well not exactly known for their abstinence! Dazza is the same way as we all know.

In Patusan, she's Holy now. In Northern Bettia, she's best thing on two legs. Her fan club is huge, and even rivals the entire workshipping population of some religions. Her church is the football fields of the world, and she got married in one - which is named after her. She's even got a cyborg clone of herself, so the Goddess-dom is expanding into the cyber future. She's the most downloaded person in the world, mostly in an undressed natural state.

Don't forget about "Dazzi" either, as she is the Asian alter ego of Dazza or Kate. Dazzi has a loyal following in some places and well, it's just another incarnation of our Goddess.

We even invited her into our place for an aura measurement. Most people proclaiming to be Gods are fools, they are just people. For Dazza, our meter went off the scale - never seen before. What's even better, she's the nicest person we've ever met. No wonder people of all religions like her.

During World Cup 35, she called herself "The Goddess" and she was right. Once upon a time people built temples to Goddess Venus, now they build them for Dazza Dallas. Even better, she's in the Holy Land - so she's even Holier. The Gods aren't dead, they are just looking for a new body. Dazza is here to save us from boredom, and to help us create the future generation conquering the new frontier of cyberspace along the way.

Hampton the Hampster
Chief Priest of Venus fan club

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/juvanya/thecabbage.png

Milchama goes International


ALEXANDRIA, Milchama—Milchama is now literally going international as it has been bought out by Cafundeu.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/milchama.png >>> http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png

Milchama has not been able to break into the First World, but has been a key country in the World Cup notching sixth place in the World Rankings. They now go to Cafundeu who will probably want a country with its needs and nibbling ability to help their title as World Cup Runner-up.

Kilwirw, the defender of Milchama's defense, was looking likely to move for a bench to be placed under him, but now leaves this unfortunate man vulnerable to attacks from the rear. His offensive prowess is in the front and will probably be useful when he sits down on the bench.

Meanwhile Doom is trying hard to get back to the first division of video games that cause school shootings. They just hired legend and the last living bedstand as their designer and got flossing off plaque to try to shore up their suspect areas. Flossing just came off a bad year of not being done in Milchama... New Sparta is again trying to outdo their rivals of Old Sparta getting legendary Pokemon for their collection. The Mankey was run out of town because it wasn't really legendary...Fireballs are again charring Milchama. Emergency services has worked well, but fatigue has been a problem...
http://mud.mm-a7.yimg.com/image/3757035589 http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/d/dc/Eric_harris_dylan_klebold.jpg/180px-Eric_harris_dylan_klebold.jpg http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/1/18/MankeyKen.png http://mud.mm-a5.yimg.com/image/3282614711

Ariddia match to be televised live in Vephrall

MEICE -- It is a historic moment in Vephrese television history. For the first time, a sporting event happening outside Vephrall will be broadcast live on Vephrese television. The Vephrall national football team's match against Ariddia in August [OOC: Matchday 12] is to be shown live on VTV, which currently broadcasts a signal in most populated areas of Vephrall*.

"I hope that the power of television is helping more fans across the country follow the team more easily," says team manager Ostalir Pasarap. "The more fan support we have, the more confidence my players have, and the more games we will win."

* VTV is not available in Baseng, all but the northernmost bit of Seibeng, northeast and south-central Salle, portions of the east Shentarong coast, the vast majority of Till, southwest and northeast Dettune, northern Bektys, Darnai, or the Northern Territory. For more information, please contact Vephraller Televisios customer service at 101-2394168.

Highly unusual homicide witnessed

CENANY -- A 23-year-old Cenany man is currently in a local mental hospital after reporting to police that he witnessed a bizarre homicide on a city street.

He described a man, "a male in his thirties, slightly overweight," according to police, walking down a sidewalk in downtown Cenany eating a banana. The witness indicated that after the victim had eaten about a third of the fruit, an opening suddenly appeared in the top of the banana, revealing a set of teeth. The banana then "opened its mouth very wide and devoured" the victim, requiring four bites to do so.

Whether this incident was meant as some sort of retaliation for the Archregimancy football team's consumption of a squad of bananas fielded by the Non-RPing n00b in a recent friendly match has yet to be determined. Cenany police have indicated that they will not be conducting an investigation, as they clearly feel the "witness" is insane.

The news about Andrew "The Bandit" Creek came as a shock to all Bazalonian fans. Andrew was one of the few true icons of Bazalonian soccer and to be the scape-goat of all that was wrong in the FFLC. The fact that Silas also was getting fired barely seemed to rate a mention.

However there was a voice of reason, which came from an unexpected source, Andrew "The Bandit" Creek himself soon after the announcement was made he held a press conference.

...

"Thank you all for coming, I have a prepared statement that I wish to read before any questions." he started it off after sitting at a table with myriads of microphones from PINA, to BazSports to whatever broadcaster was interested. "I came to The Lowland Clans, after I could no longer play soccer professionally, in a managerial role. This was new to me and the experiences I had here helped me both understanding new aspects of the game was well as helped me improve as a person. I would wish to continue working with the team for some more years but the decision has been made, and I will step down from the position with my head held high knowing that I had done my best and able to acheive what I had been able to. I wish to thank Silas McGinney who has been there right beside me as well as the President of the FFLC, Daniel Davies. Thank you... now do you have any questions?"

"Are you looking for another managerial or coaching gig?"

"I am currently unsure whether I will take a position with a national association, but I still wish to be involved with soccer. Whether through the BFSA Leagues or through another FA. I don't know."

"What will you take most from your time here at the FFLC?"

"That's a hard one. It was really good helping host World Cup 35, working with both the FFLC and the BFSA. It was almost like I was home again, but being here in the FFLC, I have made alot of new friends and had alot of experiences here. Apart from that there is nothing that I can really pick out ahead of the rest."

"How do you think the team is going now?'

"Admitidly we could have done better that draw with Rugiero on the first matchday was horrendous, but with their only loss being 3-2 against Errinunderra. I think the results aren't as bad as people are making them out to be. Sure we have room for improvement, everyone does but I do believe the Galaxy will get better."

"Okay, that is all the time I have for questions I need to return to my work"

THE MACHINE - "Hptynmhgrtscdlklgmkfprwtytcxszdjltmoprsfnmeee!"

PROF.CADETE - "What did it say, Jesus?"

PROF.BANGU MELO - "I don't know. We just drew a game that we had to win. Our boss, Doctor Landau, said to me that when we can't understand what The Machine says, it is because it is extremely nervous with us and don't know what to do now. The situation is even worse when it uses only consonants to communicate."

DR.GARRIDO - "So, it's not so serious. It used some vowels in the end of its phrase."

THE MACHINE - "Tryplmngfrswczhmtfpldsçççmnqñprmçfpsdnçñ....~'./)$&##...6439234567!!!"

PROF.CADETE - "It is using only consonants to communicate... and symbols and numbers too! It is out of control!"

DR.SABIN - "Just because we wanted to create some plays of our own..."

THE MACHINE - "No, didn't you learn? You must obey me! I create the plays, you just follow my orders! I create the plays! Just do what I say and don't ask questions! See what your desire of independence caused us! Two draws against bad teams! Next game is important, so follow my orders! Tslmcpxxrtgh!"

DR.ZETTI - "Okay, we will follow you. What will be the line-up of the next game?"

THE MACHINE - "I'll use Varela, Batista, Marcelo Oliveira, Bangu Melo and Quevedo. In the midfield, Zetti, Garrido, Aline and Sabin. Two attackers this time, Matoso and Pitanguy. But remember, we are a defensive team. Hold them and, in the right time, I'll prepare the deadly attack. Understood?"

EVERYBODY - "Yes, coach."

THE MACHINE - (let's see if they hear me this time...)

"Look at this... they're saying we're performing worse than expected.. We're in third spot for crying out loud and only barely being beaten by Fmjpheonix..."

"Wait, hang on... didn't they just cease so how can they play footy?"

"I think it's called bleed over, a nation that cease can still seem to function for sometime after they have ceased. It takes some time to properly cleanse out the nations that just shouldn't survive."

"Well, whatever the Vephrese should just be careful what they say. I'd hate for an international incident to occur over something like this. Some of the warlords can be quite touchy."

"We have warlords?"

"In a way yes but not really more I dunno leaders of militias."

"You see that Bazalonia have Everret Kang back?"

"Yeah... This Ralphy is going to be really pissed. He might be a problem for us."

"Losing his number one man as Everret obviously was is going to be a big pain and he'll want someone to take it out on, perhaps us"

"Exactly... anyway... I've got things to organise.. See you later."

"Bye."

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Central%20Prestonia.pngCentral Prestonia || 1 - 3 || Daehanjeigukhttp://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/daehanjeiguk.png

The Football Brawl of the Century - in the Stadium!

http://www.abc.net.au/worldcup2002/galleries/day15/port1.jpg

The Imperial Team carries on its next leg of the qualifiers with a win against Central Prestonia, topping the hosts 1-3. Although not a shut-out, it still confirms the Imperial side's place in 4th position, as Jariss falls with a draw against Wentland. But if you thought that you had to go to the pubs for a good post-match riot, you're wrong!

The match was fast and lively from the start, with the Imperial side scoring the first goal off the 6th minute, with Kim Daeeui passing center to Seo Jeongweon, who lobbed the ball neatly into the goal. The next 20 minutes saw the Imperial dominate completely, as Yi Eulyong's 25th minute strike put the visiting Imperial Team up 0-2. It was a show of force for the next three minutes, as 2 players were booked for excessive pushing and tackling, with one player receiving his second yellow card for a tackle on Seo Jeongweon, who was subsequently injured and taken off the field. For the next two minutes, the Imperial side were lofty as they conceded Central Prestonia's only goal of the match in the 29th minute. Infuriated by this excess of force, Head Coach Cha Beomgeun yelled at the referee for his "merciful" handling of the home team's treatment. The Coach was subsequently booted from the field for arguing excessively, to be satisfied watching the remainder of the match from the lockerroom. His assistant crew managed the remainder of the match, in which another stupendous round of fighting, as Yi Sabik single-handedly beat up the Central Prestonian forwards with a fury of hands and feet, receiving a red card for his action. By the 33rd minute, the field seemed to be more reminiscent of sparring match, with the two sides down to six players on the field each. Nonetheless, the referee managed to rein in control by firing a pistol in the air, announcing that any more fighting players would receive a red card (pointing to his pistol, which was aptly named "Red Card"). The game resumed and ended the half with a 1-2 score. The Imperial Team met with Head Coach Cha Beomgeun in the lockers, where he encouraged them to be forceful in their play, while avoiding any more red cards. The Imperial Team, with 6 players struggled hard to control their urge to fight, yet maintain their tactical edge and score another secure goal. It was a rampant run, as the two sides traded the ball. It was deadlock - literally - as the game fell into the final minutes. With the Imperial side down on cards and injuries, Kim Dohun - in his first cap ever - scored the final goal in the 89th minute. This goal started yet another fight on the Central Prestonian side, as Kim Dohun single-handedly fought off the remainder of the Central Prestonian side (minus the goalkeeper, of course). The Central Prestonian side was without any more players, and despite Kim Dohun's red card exit (he was not shot, because the referee was not that stupid), the Imperial Team still fielded five players. However, the Imperial Team, brimming with victory - both in the ramble and the match - decided to allow the Central Prestonian goalkeeper to stand tall without another shot against him. The honorable actions of the remaining Imperial players demonstrated their superior character while facing an unarmed opponent.

Today's match set a few records, including for fewest number of players on the field when a goal was scored (12), most red cards issued for one match (11), most injuries in one match (15), and most people scared of the referee during a match (65,000). Man of the Match Kim Dohun - for scoring the final goal and single-handedly beating 5 other people simultaneously - was greeted as hero despite his exit. He reflected in his remarks: "It was a completely wrong atmosphere, but as a citizen of Han I wouldn't stand one minute for the uncivil character of the opponents. They were completely unsportsmanlike in their conduct, taking this latest defeat at home far too seriously. I know that I deserved that red card, but thankfully the referee didn't fire. And you know, I'll be glad to say some years later that when the Imperial Team played in Central Prestonia, they attacked us but we won on the field anyway, and we beat them up. I'm proud to be sent off that field, because they certainly didn't deserve to be on that field while I was still standing on it." His remarks were not condoned by the Imperial Football Association, but no one really cared to notice it. Head Coach Cha Beomgeun also gave his comments saying, "I have sent a complaint to the proper authorities, and I've been informed that all citizens of Han are to exit Central Prestonia within 36 hours. Additionally, no citizen of Han may visit the country officially or unofficially for the duration of 5 years or until after their country have been removed from our list of barbarian states. My personal comment - I certainly hope that we will never have to run through another match like this one, even though our players did kick a$$. It's going to be tough to arrange our players for the next match at home against Bellzantium. Nonetheless, I feel that we will prepared in time, as most of our injuries are slight, and the red cards will expire after one match. Unofficially, I would like to congratulate all six players who received red cards for conducting themselves honorably as citizens of Han, even though fighting is not one of the precepts of playing football. I had figured fighting in the game was reserved for hockey matches, but I guess it can happen anywhere now." On his expulsion from the match after his argument with the referee, Cha Beomgeun said, "I was wrong to argue the case at that moment, but I still insist that the referee was still to soft on the Central Prestonian players. If he weren't so lenient, we would not have had such a show as we had tonight. For that, I also have to thank him for being so lenient, because even though we did concede that one goal, I am fairly confident no other team in the world will try to beat us up while on the field. They weren't good fighters to start with, but I must confess that the Han players demonstrated their expertise in martial arts very well - at least as I saw it in the locker room." Upon hearing rumors that the Central Prestonian Football Association had barred the Imperial Team from ever playing in the country ever again, he was smiling - "Does it look like I care? Even then, the Empire has already barred citizens from the visiting that country, so why should I care what their country says about us?"

Ahead of the match against Bellzantium, Head Coach Cha Beomgeun has submitted the line up:

Kim Ho

Wang Shinheun Pak Geonha Kim Jingyu

Go Jongsu Yi Eulyong Jang Yogon Heo Jeongmu

Kim Byeongji

Yi Dongguk Kim Eunjung

The following players will be unable to participate in the next match due to injury or card penalties:

Yi Sabik (#4) - RC
Song Jongguk (#8) - RC
Go Jeongun (#16) - RC
Kim Chigon (#20) - RC
Han Paeng (#22) - RC
Kim Dohun (#23) - RC
Seo Jeongweon (#6) - injury
Kim Daeeui (#10) - injury


Summary of Events:
6' - HAN Goal (#6)
25' - HAN Goal (#15)
26' - CPR YC
26' - CPR YC
27' - CPR YC
27' - HAN injury (#6)
29' - CPR Goal
30' - HAN Coach expelled
31' - HAN RC (#4)
31' - CPR injury
31' - CPR injury
31' - CPR injury
32' - HAN RC (#8)
32' - CPR RC
32' - CPR RC
33' - HAN RC (#16)
33' - HAN RC (#20)
33' - HAN RC (#22)
33' - HAN injury (#10)
33' - HAN injury (#15)
33' - CPR RC
33' - CPR RC
33' - CPR RC
33' - CPR injury
33' - CPR injury
33' - CPR injury
33' - CPR injury
89' - HAN Goal (#23)
89' - HAN RC (#23)
89' - CPR injury
89' - CPR injury
89' - CPR injury
89' - CPR injury
89' - CPR injury

GROUP 12
Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Wentland 8 5 3 0 14 4 +10 18
2 The Archregimancy 8 5 3 0 15 5 +10 18
3 Jaseuyeon 8 5 1 2 18 9 +9 16
4 Daehanjeiguk 8 4 2 2 13 10 +3 14
5 Jariss 8 2 4 2 8 6 +2 10
6 Bellzantium 8 2 1 5 11 13 −2 7
7 Cebumopolis 8 1 2 5 4 13 −9 5
8 Central Prestonia 8 0 0 8 3 26 −23 0

[OOC - while this RP intentionally uses an AIF newspaper, it should be considered an Archregimancy RP please]

HOLY EMPIRE HERALD

EVIL BANANAS ON THE RAMPAGE!!!
Archregimancy Officials Deny Responsibility for Musa Acuminata Murders

By Constantine Ducaso
Archregimancy Correspondent

As news spreads of evil homicidal Musa acuminata - or 'banana' - attacks in the Ordinary Reality nation of Vephrall, Archregimancy officials were forced to deny that the reports of rampaging musacids were in any way tied to the unfortunate recent shower tragedy involving the Non-RPing n00b's national squad.

"This is a ridiculous accusation" said a senior archimandrite, speaking on condition of anonymity. "We have had no contact with Vephrall over this incident, and we understand that their local authorities are treating the matter as an isolated case of insanity. There is no reason to believe that there is any connection."

Here in the Holy Empire, officials from ISPI and SBIS were more cautious, noting simply that the recent prevalence of sentient bananas may be connected even if there is no direct link between the Vephrall Incident and the Shower Tragedy. While refusing to comment on the record, SBIS sources allowed it to be known that there had recently been an unusual level of activity in the reality known as 'The Kingdom of the Plantains'. "We're not quite sure what this activity means" said this newspaper's source, off the record "but we can't rule out the possibility that they plan some sort of larger-scale assault on at least one version of Ordinary Reality. While we are maintaining our distance from Ordinary Reality, it would be our advice to everyone in Ordinary Reality to avoid consuming bananas - just in case - until the intentions of the Kingdom of the Plantains are better known."

The Vephrall Incident completely overshadowed last night's World Cup qualifier between the Archregimancy and Cebumopolis, which resulted in an easy 3-0 victory for the home side. The monks are currently tied for first on points with Wentland.

New Qazian Press

Pheonix Batter The Big Blues

The Pheonix wised up and keep thier mouths and tempers in check, which led to a easy 3-0 win over Candelaria And Marquez at the SaxerDome in SaxerVilla.

Yancy Fry got his second hat-trick as Qazox, coming off a horrid display against Capitalizt Slani the other day, came out looking to vastly improve that result. Fry scored in the 28th, 44th and 80th minutes to lead the rout. The Candelaria And Marquez Big Blues looked unsure of themselves on the artificial turf, as most countries do and that lead to the shut-down of their offense.

The win moves the Pheonix into 2nd place as last place Kedalfax drew with Az-cz 1-1. Zwangzugs win over Cookesland move them into 1st. The top three seeds are now only separated by 1 point each, so every game from here on out is basically a Must-win to keep pace.

Up next is Sorthern Northland at Estadia Pika, Pika City. the Pheonix should have an easy match as SN has struggled for most of qualifing.


Match Summary:
28': Goal (QZX) Yancy Fry
44': Goal (QZX) Yancy Fry
80': Goal (QZX) Yancy Fry

Shots:
Qazox: 9
Candelaria And Marquez: 4

Corners:
Qazox: 6
Candelaria And Marquez: 1

FOULS:
Qazox: 2
Candelaria And Marquez: 6

Jeruselem Government News

Jeruselem conservatives label Dazza Dallas "a banana"

With the swirling controversy swirling around the The Archregimancy team's incident with the team from Non-RPing n00b involving a shower scene, local conservatives who are fighting the "Ariddianisation" of Jeruselem - labelled Dazza Dallas "Jeruselem's biggest banana".

Dazza Dallas returning from a business trip in Qazox away from her Jeruselem World Cup 36 team who is being run by Assistant coach Sark Kozy got hit with questions about being called a "banana".

She said "Hey, yeah I get eaten in the shower but I'm no banana! Look, it's not my problem what fruit other teams eat but as far as I'm concerned my critics should shove bananas where the sun don't shine. I don't care what the Monks get up to, my concern is the Jeruselem team. Anyway, I'm tired and want to get home. When I'm home, I'll peel myself and shower and then go to sleep. You all know what l look like peeled."

Inside the Flaggon Dragon

<TV announcer:.. ANd there goes the final whiste, finally as the Holy Empire proved that the 5-0 win earlier in qualifing was not a fluke with the dominating 5-1 win here. The only Pothead Goal came from Kelly Furfaro in the 79th minute, which cut the lead down to 4-1, before the last minute goal that provided the final margin.

One can only wonder if Javier Kogan is going to be coming back any time soon. In the last two matches, his replacement Erik Hudkins has given up 8 goals in just 2 matches while Kogan, other than the opener had allowed only 4 goals in 4 matches. Against British Londinium next, one may wonder if Javier Josephs will get the start, or if Kogan will return from his sabbatical?
For STV, this has been Brian Stewart.>

Mayor Cremit: DAMN! Kogan has gone missing. I can't reach him by phone or anything.

Police Chief Danner: I've had people looking for him but no trace so far. It's like he packed up and moved away or died.

Cremit: This is just great. We had an insider and we were making money hand over fist, and now the inside guy has just up and left.

Danner: At least we got word that Hudkins was in net early enough this time, we would have lost big.

Cremit: Chief, I want every available person on the force searching for him.

Danner: What do you think I'm stupid? Hell I spent most of yesterday looking for him myself.

Cremit: Where's the bartender? Sicne he got in on this, Kogan has gone AWOl.

Danner: I heard his wife was sick, so he took the day off.

Cremit: Still, there's just something in my gut that says it was a bad idea to involve a 3rd guy.

Danner: It's a bartender what can he do?

<Somewhere else in Marleyville...>
Bartender: So Mr. Kogan, if you will stop throwing matches for the Mayor and the Chief, we'll let your pretty little 'wife' go home with all her parts still attached.

Kogan: Fine, I'll do anything, just let her be.

Bartender: Now, Kogan, if you'd just come to us in the first place, none of this would have had to happen, now would it?

Kogan: I guess not. How do I know that you'll keep your word?

Bartender: This isn't the government, Kogan, We always keep our word.
<Kogan leaves>
Bartender: So Don Harado, is everything set yet for the take-down?

Don Harado: Almost, just need to wait for the right opertunity.

"So, once again we defeat these Sativaville dolts, Jean Pierre."

"Of course, Jean Paul. How can they stand against our superior powers of debate when the spend the entire discussion stoned out of their tiny little minds. Granted, we permitted a late 79th minute response from this Furfaro fool, but otherwise our philosophy swept them aside as easily as in the first debate."

"Though you must admit that the away draw to Western Afghanistan was more of a struggle."

"I admit no such thing, Jean Paul. They cheated. We were quite prepared to argue the pointlessness of radical Islam in a world of entropy, but it turned out they were moderate Islamists. This time, it was I who was the fool for not being better prepared."

"And still we must play this footbal, Jean Pierre. I remain surprised at this unusual philosophy tournament format, but all are swept away with the force for which we argue for the overwhelming importance of darkness and despair. We are invincible. But what is this knocking sound at the door?"

"I shall see..... It is a man from the Lowland Clans. He wishes to present us with this gaudy bauble..."

"And what is this ridiculous trinket? It seems to be some sort of sword. What is the inscription on the side, Jean Pierre?"

"It reads 'The Sword of Takil, presented to the team that scores the most goals during the first half of qualifying. World Cup 36: The Holy Empire, making defenders look like pylons with 29 goals scored during the first half of qualifying'"

"But I do not understand, Jean Pierre. Why this emphasis on goals? Why not stress the magnificence and superiority of our philosophy? It is almost as if someone is not telling us something... Almost as if this is not a philosophy tournament, but a football tournament after all. I must admit to even more confusion than I felt upon discovering what Nietszche's sister did with her brother's legacy."

"We must investigate further, Jean Paul. But one thing I can say...."

"What's that?"

"Philosophy or football - we are truly magnificent at both."

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/ariddia.png Ariddia 1-1 New Montreal States http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/new_montreal_states.png

Former vice-Champions continue to struggle

The Rouge-et-Noirs are still doing anything but shine, and fans were beginning to look worried when faced with yet another dismal performance. Welcoming New Montreal States (who have won only one match so far) to Darras Olympic Stadium, the Ariddians proceeded to conceded yet another draw – confirming popular rumours about the “curse of the draw”.

Only a goal by Lucas Arbustier kept the Rouge-et-Noirs from a 0-1 defeat, although a late shot on goal by Iol Et hit the crossbar to audible groans of despair from the audience. And there were rumblings from spectators when defender Jeremy Isaacs was shown a controversial yellow card after what had looked like a legitimate tackle.

This comes after two friendlies during which the team had not appeared at its best either. Facing Sel Appa in an exciting and fast-paced match, the Rouge-et-Nours barely pulled through with a 3-2 win. . . then proceeded to lose to Az-cz 0-1. It was Ariddia’s first defeat since the final of World Cup 35.

“We’re going through a rough patch,” team captain Myo They Myint admitted. “All I can say is we’re doing our best. I don’t think there’s any question in anyone’s mind that we have the ability to qualify; we just have to make it a reality.”

The pressure is now on coach Jane Sanderson, not to match the achievements of her predecessor, but simply to get Ariddian qualified. Anything less than a quarter-finals appearance would be experienced by most Ariddians as a disastrous setback.

Fans abroad: Spotlight on CAFUNDEU

Célia Sho is not an Ariddian, but she is no doubt one of the strongest supporters of the Rouge-et-Noirs within Cafundéu. Why? Because her husband was recently one of them.

Born Célia Fernandes, Mrs. Sho is 35 years old. She works as a journalist, and first met Ariddian player Ke Sho (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ke_Sho) when the latter began playing for Atlético Jutense. They were married last year, and have one son, Jose. The family live in Cafundéu, although Célia had considered moving to Ariddia with her husband, rather than the reverse. Ultimately, she feels she might have found it too difficult to adapt to an Ariddian way of life, and did not want to leave her job. She has visited Ariddia several times, and says she is the Rouge-et-Noirs’ “biggest fan outside Ariddia”.

What does she think of the team’s current qualifying troubles? “Of course they’ll qualify. With no problem at all in the end. It wouldn’t be a World Cup without the Rouge-et-Noirs. They’ll reach the semis at the very least.”

Mrs. Sho continues to support Cafundéu first and foremost, of course, and admits that she would favour Cafundéu over Ariddia in any encounter between the two teams. “Besides, Ariddia would be favourite, no? It’s no fun to be always backing the favourite.”

We asked Mrs. Sho whether her husband speaks Portuguese yet. She laughs. When he first arrived in Cafundéu, Ke Sho spoke only Wymgani, and perhaps a dozen words or less of English. Communication was never easy – “but we muddled through,” she says with a smile. “Ke knows a bit of Portuguese now, yes. And we’re raising our son bilingual. Trilingual with Cafundelês, I suppose. Although his dad is the only person in this country he’ll be able to talk Wymgani to.”

The Albrecht Herald
C&M hit four for greatest victory
(ooc: Graeme Shorey and Nicky Murty… I’m guessing SN’s a Reading fan…)
(ooc... Yep and there's a couple of other references to Reading in my team although not nessaceraly football ones...)

The Beningrad Star

Sorthern Northland today beat Collonie 2-1 in Beningrad with Min Cho-Hi and Kim Min-Kim scoring the SN goals. We are however unable to tell you who Collonie's goalscorers were as this reporters assistant couldn't get a team sheet for the Colloniens team. (Editor's note: Stop fecking lying you forgetful turd).

The big story was however SN boss Kevin Hugh's return to the dugout, he was last seen on top of a tall building following SN's exit from the Baptism of Fire, in what local police called "A wanker trying to commit suicide". He has been held in a mental hospital in the Lowland Clans since but was released just in time to return for the Collonie game. He has denied he was attempting to commit suicide saying, "I simply got lost on the way to the supermarket." He also claims that what police said was a suicide note was "just a shopping list". There were also reports claiming that Dazza 'Village Bike' Dallas caused him to attempt suicide by rejecting an advance by Hugh, she has surprisingly denied this saying "I did not have sexual relations with that man".

Reports that he was told by voices in his head to put Waylan Bootle in the squad have also been denied. A top SN scientist has however said, "I struggle to believe that a sane person can believe such a crap player is good enough for the national team"

Whatever the truth is Kevin Hugh is back and that in itself is a shame as I don't see how Sorthern Northland can get anyway with him in charge.

Jackie Maccalay.

The match against a nation called Salkehachie was nothing too eventful, the transregionals (if you read the KaMaRi Update) or Pirates (if you read the Na~ovi International) arrived after the now-obligatory hassle at the airport security. Kja-Lan Kansu came later since the people had problems believing her nation was founded one day ago, but not late enough to miss the beginning. The Pirates (or Transregionals) defeated the underdogs by a clear 3:0 scoreline. On the way back to the Association, things however became slightly slani. First the bus broke down on the way to the airport. The National team was stranded in the middle of nowhere and the cell phones were unoperational. Tahn went to find a phone but after a few hours he did not return. The team was nearvous since the outside was pitch black. No other car seemed to take that road, which is rather unusual for an airport road. Suddenly Tahn came, running. When the Pirates opened the door for him, he said, that he saw monsters, and they were following him. Everybody laughed until Tahn used its flashlight to the direction he came from. The things he saw there seemed only to consist of claws and teeth. They took the bus and carried it away. No one could see where they took the bus to, but everybody was afraid. Many people prayed to their Gods, except for the atheists who just cursed.Suddenly the bus was put down again, apparently on a road or another flat surface. the monsters trotted away. The team looked around and saw that they were at the airport. quickly they ran into the building and soon afterwards they left the country. Suddenly Veniki Liji laughed and pointed to something in the travel guide and read it out aloud: "Make sure you do not have an accident on Salkehachie's roads. Instead of tow-cars, tow-monsters are used."

Amda-Mo: A 1-1 draw against Kedalfax. Not good.

Lur-Mn: Not good doesn't say the half of it. That was an outright horrible performance. Kedalfax had a brilliant strategy that worked well enough. Foul foul and foul some more, mostly on Pizelkaxrovsky. Eventually he snapped and picked up a red in retaliation. And there went our offense. 10 men no striker and no creator and we couldn't break them down for a second goal after the one Pizelkaxrovsky set up in the 11th minute. One late misplay by Ho-Lee Chung to give away a counter attack and there come two points off the table. Now we sit in third place, when we absolutely want to avoid the playoffs, especially with other big names struggling as well.

Amda-Mo: What happened today without Pizelkaxrovsky?

Lur-Mn: Hard to say. Clearly the team was attacking less, but Ip-Gp wasn't making the good plays. Kedalfax played the perfect cheaters game and really discombobulated the team. The whole feel of the team never really seemed like a squad who was going to score a second goal.

Amda-Mo: And the opposing goal?

Lur-Mn: Well Ho-Lee Chung just offered up a bad pass. And they went the other way quickly. It would've taken a very good defensive play to stop the counter, we didn't get any and in came the goal. Just a frustrating afternoon of football.

Amda-Mo: Looking ahead we'll be without Pizelkaxrovksy with Collonie coming to town. How can we get back on track?

Lur-Mn: Look we ought to be able to score on Collonie without him. Yes he's our best player by far, but Ip-Gp, Kn-Dg and the rest are all very good scorers. Expect EE-Or to be back in the starting lineup and a much better performance out of the team. We've played about as poorly as we can play these last three matches so we're due for a good game.

Amda-Mo: How worried should we be about qualification?

Lur-Mn: Very. Zwangzug and Qazox are going to be right with us till the end. There is no margin for error. The group is a weak one which means that there aren't many places we can expect Zwangzug or Qazox to give up points, which means a game like this really hurts. The playoffs are pretty safe, but when you look at some of the other teams who could be there, that's a fate we'd best avoid.

Amda-Mo: Looking around to other interesting results to open up the second half of play?

Lur-Mn: Well Swilatia beating Rejistania is one big result. Rejistania now sits in fourth and could fine themselves out all together and even if they survive, it could only be to the playoffs. And like us Ariddia continues to struggle. Once again unbeaten but with draws in half their matches so far. Hard to believe but if the group stage ended today Az-cz v Ariddia could be a playoff match just to make the cup proper. That was a clash of #1 v #2 in the quarterfinals in Bazalonia. Neither team is playing anywhere near the level expected of them.

Amda-Mo: Certainly not. Certainly not. I'm sure both teams would hate such an affair, although it would certainly be a hugely well watched game.

Lur-Mn: Yeah. Both teams would give their all, of course, but I'm sure they'd feel bad about sending the other home so early. Let's just hope that doesn't happen.

Amda-Mo: Yes. Lets. So now lets talk about some teams who are playing well.

Lur-Mn: Well not much interesting to talk about really, as the same top six from last time reign supreme.

6. Sel Appa

The Turtles are still cruising along. They had a tough match with Kura-Pelland but won again. They've got one more match before getting to the big showdown with the #5 team on this list.

5. Milchama

I dropped Milchama a spot for no reason other than just a feeling Quakmybush deserves more credit for being in a superior group. Northern Bettia is simply a better side than Yafor 2. That's all. No slight to Milchama at all. They've got Yafor 2 and then they travel to Sel Appa. Six points there and they will win that group. That Warriors-Turtles match will be big and irrelevant at the same time.

4. Quakmybush

Quakmybush just continues to win. They just need to stay focused to head into the rematch with Jeruselem with a chance to top the group. Unlike Milchama and Yafor 2 though, they have to be careful of the lurking Northern Bettia side. Still they're playing fantastic football right now. Much more than can be said about their WC33 co-hosts.

3. Jeruselem

Yet another group pairing. After their hiccup against Patusan the Crusaders are rolling through their group. The only thing keeping them out of the top two is the incredible play of those two sides.

2. Alasdair I Frosticus

Unlike the Gnomes who got crushed 6-3 in our midqualifier friendly and continued to play like crap, the Holy Empire underperformed against Western Afghanistan, drawing their friendly but rebounded nicely, thrashing Sativaville 5-1. It doesn't look like much is going to derail the Empire this cup. Ariddia finally broke through to their first title in World Cup 32, could the second hosts follow up on that four cups later? Looks very possible.

1. Elves Security Forces

If there's a team who looks like the best bet to stand in their way it would be the Elves. They're just toying with their group and they're looking likely to boost their ranking above the impressive #4 they have now. Just a great great team performance so far.

Amda-Mo: Elves on top. Gnomes falling back. Bananas being eaten. Craziness abounds for the non-humans.

Lur-Mn: Let's hope things return to expectations for the Gnomes soon. Good night everyone and we'll see you back here after a resounding Gnomes victory over Collonie.

Amda-Mo: Night.

Meanwhile in Ellery Camp (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ellery_Camp).

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/PravdaMasthead.gif

FOOTBALLERS' UNTIMELY DEATHS DISTURB NATION

The disturbing tendency for World Cup 36 to become a byword for violence and suffering continued today when it was confirmed that the 22 year-old Potoroo defender from Rodger River, narva, was killed by giant two-headed leeches at the University of First Creek Falls. Two other victims of the leeches are believed to be members of the Abu Omar national team, although this is yet to be confirmed. In honour of the fallen footballers, the two teams wore green armbands in the World Cup qualifying match (see separate report).

At a press conference the dean of the University, ananepubli, said that the young Potoroo defender was a student in the sociology department. “She was doing an honours thesis entitled, ‘The Structure and Politics of Post-Economy Co-operative Groups’. This, of course, has nothing to do with giant two-headed leeches but it seems she had befriended the two young men and took them to see the famous leeches, unbeknownst to the Department of Engineered Zoology. As you may know it’s a semester break here at the University. What’s more, that particular day was a staff holiday. As a result of this nobody was in attendance to keep an eye on them in the leech pen.”

The head of the laboratory, rankenstoo, told the press conference that it appeared that narva opened the access flap, unaware that a giant two-headed leech was on the other side. “It quickly overcame her. The other two rushed to her aid but, of course, they had no idea of the mortal danger they were in. Alerted by the commotion other leeches also attacked. The poor men had no chance.”

rankenstoo explained how the leeches, even though they were genetically engineered, are effective killers. “One of the heads goes for the nose and mouth, usually covering them completely, while the other strikes for the jugular. They simultaneously suffocate the unfortunate wretch with one maw and start pumping blood into the other maw at a prodigious rate. The usual reaction of a victim is to try and clear their airway by bringing both hands or paws, depending on your species, up to their mouth. This leaves the throat attacking head free to gorge. Our estimate is that one of these leeches can suck all the blood from a human in about 45 seconds. So, in the space of one breath, it’s good night Irene.”

When asked how many leeches had escaped, rankenstoo took a deep breath and admitted, “Five hundred.” After many gasps from those present, he went on to explain that they escaped from the building through the ventilation system. “There are some things worth noting about these creatures. They are acutely sensitive to changes in moisture and temperature and will instinctively move to colder, wetter locations where they flourish. They are also extremely sensitive to vibrations. The usual method of attack is to climb up an overhanging object and wait until something passes below. The vibrations of the passing creature are picked up by the leech which then simply drops upon it’s victim. Finally, they have a powerful odour – I don’t know – like a chemical factory I suppose. I think people will need to get to know that smell. It might be the difference between life and death.”

There is no trace of the leeches at the time of publication. Recent heavy rains have obliterated any trail they might have left. Fortunately, the University is situated in a somewhat remote location. Says rankenstoo, “Figure out where the wettest and coldest spot is in the area and that’s where they are likely to turn up.”

FIRST EVER WORLD CUP MATCH AT ELLERY CAMP

In a surprise move today, the EFA transferred the World Cup Qualifying match from the torched Glenferrie ground to the National Football Academy here in Ellery Camp. “We were very afraid for fans and officials in the wake of the terrible death toll in Bola Mine,” said a relieved imonedebouvoi, the Association’s convenor. “Ellery Camp is a tree village and it’s population of a few hundred agreed to keep mum about things. The Academy ground can accommodate them but that’s about all. Fans guessed the match would be held at Mount Ellery or the National Downfall Stadium or, even Kanooka Creek and turned up in those places. It all turned out to be a peaceful affair in the end.”

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/FootballAcademy2.jpg
The National Football Academy

Peaceful perhaps, but the match had its own peculiarities. To start off with the EFA were unable to advise Abu Omar of the horrible fate of its two footballers (see separate story). “It’s like the place doesn’t exist. We couldn’t find any trace of the nation via any form of communication. Language difficulties prevented us from even advising the team. In the end, we had to take them to the morgue to get the message across.”

This raises the most fascinating question. “How can there be a team from a nation that doesn’t exist?” One theory that is gaining credence is that the team is a hoax, that the players don’t come from Abu Omar and are masquerading for the sheer fun of it. The Potoroos recognised none of the players from their previous encounter. Indeed, the Errinundrians, now realise that there was nothing to prove that had visited Abu Omar in the first place. Team captain, onito, has to admit they had simply assumed they were in that country earlier in qualifying. “We couldn’t understand the language and we couldn’t read the signs. Fall all I know we could have been in Rejistania.”

This time around the visiting team, wherever they were from, displayed minimal aptitude for football and were defeated 7-nil. Seven different players scored goals for the Potoroos; one of them being the captain and keeper, onito, who had not had a touch up until the last three minutes of the game, got fed up, wandered down the ground, accepted a pass and scored. This is not the first time an Errinundrian keeper has scored a goal in international football. arata also achieved this feat in the first round match against The HURD in World Cup 34 when the Potoroos ingeniously upset HURD programming by playing in the wrong positions.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Errinundera.png
Errinundera 7
(breretond 3, scerberu 5, immelfar 10, agloir 41, snaporoo 50, oovaroo 54, onito 88)

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Abu_Omar.png
Abu Omar 0

Errinundera's WC36 scorers:
5 breretond
5 immelfar
4 scerberu
4 snaporoo
3 avilmou
2 froesu
1 agloir
1 onito
1 otemki
1 oovaroo

BAD WEATHER AHEAD FOR FOOTBALL IN ERRINUNDERA

Mid range weather forecasters at the Bureau of Meteorology have confirmed that the devastating drought is definitely over. Senior forecaster, laocoon, warns that some wet and miserable weather is in store over the next 6 weeks. “I’ve got tickets for me and my two sons for the World Cup match against Bostopia at Frosty Hollow. It will still be winter when it’s played. Anything could happen. Actually we can be fairly certain it will be really wet and bitterly cold. Mind you, the local fans will really shake the stadium and that’s always worth experiencing. We’re not expecting anything as deadly as the storm that hit in World Cup 30 but, if you’re a soft Bostopian I recommend you stay at home."

Jariss Free Press
“A free press for a free land”

Jariss in Another Scoreless Thriller

In a repeat of their memorable first encounter, Wentland and Jariss once again played to a thrilling 0-0 draw to the delight of 4700 screaming Jarissians who gave both teams a standing ovation as the match ended. This result keeps Jariss in fifth place in their group with some work to do if they plan to make it to the playoffs. However they did manage to get their second point against the second seed in the group. They also matched their entire total from the last World cup showing their improvement from the first time they faced international competition.

Like the first match, shots were few and far between, the visitors finally ending up with a 3-2 edge in that department, a slightly more offensive battle than the two shot first meeting. However fans were thrilled by a great display of passing on both sides as well as some fine defensive plays to break up possible shot opportunities on either side of the pitch.

“Those Wentlanders sure know how to play a great Jarissian style of soccer.” Turu Neribe said after the game with a big smile on his face. “Most of those teams are all ‘score! Score!’ but that’s not what we like to see around here. Wentland though shows a proper respect for a strong defensive mindset, to protect rather than attack.”

Said young viewer Mia Tima, age 8, at her first ever match. “It was like they tell us how to play in school. Have fun and not worry about winning. I wanna be a soccer player when I grow up.” When asked who was her favorite player Mia immediately replied “Tali Vindu, she keeps them from scoring.”

Clearly the fans here thoroughly enjoyed the match even if Wentland was no doubt smarting over a failure to beat this lower ranked team for the second straight match. However their popularity here is soaring as Wentland recently gained over 80% of the vote when Jarissians were asked to name their favorite foreign team. All those choosing them cited their fine regard for defense as one of the main reasons for choosing them. Next up for the team will be on the road in Central Prestonia, a team Jariss defeated 3-1 at the Arena earlier in the qualifiers.

A letter to the editor was sent by HURDist Ramon de Arana-Goldberg to the Errinunderan Pravda:

Heya,

While prejudices live long, it is still not possible that HURDists differ between individual players of the opposing team. For performance reasons, all players, which are not HURDists or the goalkeeper of the opponents are seen as instances of the class opponent. The reason Errinundera defeated the HURD was much simpler: the GNUs never were tested under the Errinunderan climate. It was a nice trick though, even though for 50 centimeter tall GNUbots (the previously used Nassi-Shneiderman-class had that height), the sheer idea to distinguish that much was unlkely.

OOC: Sorry to invade the RP Thread but I thought that more people will see the following statement here...

WC 37 Signups now open (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=534288)

“Hello everyone and welcome to Tynelian Soccer Weekly and our ongoing coverage of the World Cup 36 qualifiers. I’m your hostess Dinah Miller along with Amy ‘the seer’ Whiteworth. Today saw Tynelia’s disappointing run continue as they managed to escape with a 1-1 draw in Aurendia on a late goal by Tina Conroy. This now makes the team 1-1-2 in their last four matches. The only good news is that despite this run of poor play, which the Whootung Sports Guide has listed as the seventh worst run of anyone in the cup at this point, Tynelia is still four points clear for the playoff spot. Though the way the team is playing now I’m sure they’ll be desperate to try to get a automatic qualification Amy.”

“Easier said than done Dinah. The team is just not playing well, at home, on the road, against teams ranked higher, against teams ranked lower, there’s just no real desire in this team right now. It was as if their rare fast start lulled them into a false sense of security and now they can’t get anything going again.”

“Things aren’t going to get much easier either. The Son of a Monkey is up next for the team and last time they gave us a tough tussle before going down 2-1. But more importantly they lost to ESF by only a 1-0 margin, the toughest match for the Elves all tourney so far.”

“That’s right Dinah, clearly the Monkeys have been slowly getting better since the start of play while Tynelia is running in place at this point. If the team can’t turn things around in this portion of their schedule we may be looking at some real ugly scores down the stretch.”

“Can the team turn it around?”

“If history holds true, the team may have one more bad match before suddenly they start remembering what they’re supposed to be doing. I lost track of how many times we dug ourselves in a hole because of this midway slump only to rally late and find ourselves one win shy of qualifying. While the odds are still good of finishing in the top three, the team right now is in no shape to go up against any of the top teams right now. A playoff would most likely find the team on its way back to the Cup of Harmony after a three cup absence.”

“That’s not good at all Amy, let’s hope this next match is the start of a return to form for the team. But now to more upbeat news, its time for Tynelia’s seventh greatest moment in the World Cup. It was their 1-1 draw on the road with the Kazoo Peoples, Tynelia’s first ever point against a higher seeded team.”

“That’s right Dinah, After Chadd Johnson gave the home team a 1-0 lead scoring on Vladimar Malloy, Tynelia came back very late to tie things up on a score from Adrian Pytte in minute 77. In fact Pytte was the league MVP in Tynelia that year and showed why there. Of course later the Kazoo People, after a near national panic was averted after Harmonie Harris now Masterson tried speaking in the native Kazooian language and accidently told them 40 days of rain was coming, got their revenge beating us 2-1 on the final day of play to ensure their advancement into the Cup proper as our efforts to act as a spoiler failed that day.”

“You know Amy, maybe a few more wins in these greatest moments might be a good thing. So far its been a loss, a win and two draws.”

“Well draws were our thing back then. Don;’t worry I hear things get better soon.”

“Ok, you’re the seer after all. Which brings us to our picks. You got the draw right even if you gave everyone too many goals so you go first this time Amy.”

“OK Dinah, knowing these streaks as well as I do, I don’t expect to see many goals again here once again. However since you’re always telling me to be more optimistic I’ll say Tynelia wins 1-0, even though I really expect a 0-0 draw, but I’ll take the risk that they’re starting to come out of it.”

“You know I always have to outscore you in these picks Amy so I’ll stick with my score from last match. Tynelia 3-1. They have to start scoring soon. They seem to have even less scoring with this more aggressive outlook than before though.”

“Yes, ironic isn’t it?”

“Sure is. Well that’s all the time we have for today. Remember to tune in for our live coverage of Tynelia’s road match with the Sons of a Monkey live on TSW. Its at home this time so we expect no power failures like the first meeting. Then stay tuned after that because Amy and I will be back after for the post game show so until then, have a pleasant evening.”

Downward Spiral Continues for Kiryu-shi; Balding Head Glistens With Perspiration

By Michio Hibbert

Sakaino, Kiryu-shi The last time Kiryu-shi faced Squornshelous, the number one seed in group four, the Dragons stunned the favorites, at their own field, with a two-two draw to begin the group stage. Apparently Squornshelous did not forget. The result this time around was a brutal three nothing home loss to distance themselves from the top runners of their group. Squornshelous’ brutal attacking style wore down Kiryu-shi, who looked incompetent as they lost their second game of qualifications.

____Kiryu-shi had planned on showing some fight and strength at the beginning of the match, as they were coming off a nice week off to regroup and refocus for the second half of the group stage. That plan did not exactly work out. Kiryu-shi did not look able to move the ball at all at the beginning of the match, and Squornshelous were just toying with them. After Squornshelous had scored a goal within the first five minutes of the match. As much as this reporter loves the Kiryu-shi Dragons, because of the deal he made with his psychiatrist, he stopped watching the game and instead focused intently on some distraction, so he wouldn’t get too upset at his own team’s shortcomings. His eyes fell upon the fan sitting directly in front of him. It seemed to be a mad, sort of large, stocky build with a big, mostly bald head. Wisps of hair were combed very precisely over part of his smooth dome, carefully placed to cover up as much of his head as they could. He had broad shoulders, covered by a plain white short sleeved t-shirt. A white tag stuck out of the collar; it suggested that the shirt was 50% cotton and 50% polyester. The white expanse of his back was stained a bit from sweat, in fact, his whole upper body seemed coated with a thin sheen of perspiration. Except for his bright red, ears, that is. They were really very small ears, almost hidden by the patches of golden brown hair on the sides of his head. His ears didn’t seem to match the rest of his body, they seemed a couple of sizes too small as well as a couple of dozen shades too red.

____He was a very quiet fan throughout the match. He stared intently while others around him clapped or yelled or cursed. Or, if he wasn’t staring intently, he was fast asleep. The most movement in the first half hour or so of watching his back came when the wind bristled his strands of hair aside, which happened pretty regularly. He seemed oblivious to it. The wind wasn’t quite strong enough to noticeably effect the sweat accumulating on his head, however. It wasn’t quite enough sweat to form droplets and roll down his skin, but as the sun shone down from the skies, his scalp was pretty shiny with moisture. At the halftime break, he finally stirred. He rose up from his seat and make his way back along his row and into the crowd, where I followed his shiny head until it bobbed into the passageway leading into the main concourse. He was a bit taller than I had anticipated, standing at around 6’4”-ish, and he was pretty chubby. But I still hadn’t gotten a look at his face. I waited, anxious for him to return. I was pretty sure that I would be able to take a leisurely look into his face and get a grasp on what kind of person he might be. I waited for a while, daydreaming about how the wind would grasp his hair and tug it in that funny little way back along his head. I heard the whistle blow—he still hadn’t returned. I looked around the stands, most of the seats were now empty, except from the section from Squornshelous. I risked a glimpse at the scoreboard. Already three-nothing. And thus the reporter too, left the stadium halfway through the match along with a great majority of the Kiryu-shi fans. Back to his lonely bachelor pad. Back to his left over Chinese food containers and dirty socks lying around anywhere. But he would always carry with him the memory of those small and cute little ears, and that spherical damp head with those funny little wisps of hair.

____Kiryu-shi’s next match will be against some team or another, but their will likely be no further reports from this newspaper for their qualification attempt coming up. This reporter… this reporter will not be coming back for a while. The trees, they like this reporter… They won’t reject him like the man with the funny ears and the lovely head… They won't let him down like that soccer team keeps on doing...


(OOC: In other words, I’m going away for a week and will probably be unable to get online to RP)

Ju-Kt: This is Ju-Kt of - Nightly News and I'm here with Sert-Olax, the airport screener who picked out Everett Kang from the crowd at Az-cz International Airport. Welcome Sert-Olax.

Sert-Olax: No problem.

Ju-Kt: So you must be a pretty big soccer to fan to pick foreign players out like that.

Sert-Olax: Not really. I mean I'll watch a game from time to time, but for me it's the good old Az-cz sports. Give me a mean game of Capture the Flag or a kleptochase over soccer anytime.

Ju-Kt: So then how were you able to pick Mr. Kang out?

Sert-Olax: Well you see, my son's girlfriend is a Bazalonian exchange student. And she loves their soccer team, especially Everett Kang. So I'd seen his face before on some of the posters. I was pretty certain it was him, but his name didn't match his ID so I just assumed it was an uncannily resemblance and moved on.

Ju-Kt: So how did you figure out that it was actually Everett Kang?

Sert-Olax: Good luck really. Apparently when he tried to fill out his forms for customs he was acting a bit eratically. And apparently he wouldn't allow the flowers he was carrying be examined by the customs authorities, so they decide to take him to the customs holding area for further questioning.

Ju-Kt: For international viewers who may not know Az-czid law, we are a very free country about what you can bring in other than weaponry, but we do have somewhat strict agricultural standards. We allow agricultural goods to be brought into the country, but all agricultural products are examined at customs to make sure they won't effect native Az-czid flora or fauna. So Sert-Olax, how did that lead to you realizing who he was.

Sert-Olax: Well I was nearing my break time when he came through. So I called my son and told him that I saw someone who looked just like Everett Kang. Now as I mentioned before I don't watch football so I didn't know he was missing, but you can be sure my son did. He also told me that his contacts thought it quite likely that Kang was in Atheistic Right. So I then called my superiors to let them know what I thought. They then did some investigating and sure enough it was actually Kang.

Ju-Kt: What happened with the flowers?

Sert-Olax: Well once we discovered it was Kang we felt things were really odd and the flowers were incinerated. We called the Bazalonian authorities and let them know the situation.

Ju-Kt: And how have you held up under your fifteen minutes of fame?

Sert-Olax: Just fine. I'm just glad I could help out a missing person. And my son was very pleased that I was able to get an autograph and some pictures with Kang. That will make Sharon very happy. And we all know the value of a happy woman.

Ju-Kt: Any final thoughts on the matter?

Sert-Olax: Just how lucky everything was. If he had gone to another row, or if hadn't been paying attention, or if my break wasn't coming up he probably would've slipped through the system. Still sometimes good luck comes for us.

Ju-Kt: And other times we draw 1-1 with Kedalfax.

Sert-Olax: What's that?

Ju-Kt: Never mind. Thanks for your time tonight Sert-Olax. And good job.

Sert-Olax: Thanks.

Ju-Kt: Back to you in the studio Cs-Ts.

What the papers say

The C&M press was largely united in bemoaning the national team’s naivety on the artificial Qazoxian press. Tracker Edwards, writing in the Albrecht Herald, questioned how the CMSA came to the decision that cold weather training in the Switzish mountains could possibly have helped the Big Blues’ preparation more than a friendly match on a synthetic surface. Edwards also recycled quotes from Coach Mark Baker in which the former Albrecht Turks manager appealed to hit his bosses with thinly-veiled criticism of their choices of mid-term training venues.

A side-column in the Herald re-iterated the sad story of the Arrigo Portuguese Football Club’s much-derided and expensive plastic pitch of the early ‘90s, that resulted in half the team out with joint injuries by the end of the season, leading to the clubs relegation and eventual bankruptcy.

A spokesman for C&M PitchCare was quoted, praising the toughness and durability of modern, fibre-embedded artificial turf, but added that various practical and medical concerns were still years from being ironed-out.

The Albrecht Mercury focused rather less on the playing surface, instead running a story on seven members of the playing squad becoming drunk after a night-out in Qazox. Under the front-page headline, “Boozy Blues Hammered In Qazox”, the writers link the team’s poor on-pitch performance to the “late-night drinking antics” of captain Peter Waddington and players Damien Waterman, Nate Adams, Jos Cornelisse, Rudy Clark, Joel Grillo and Rex Sandtrom; as they celebrated the imminent big-money transfers of Waddington, Cornelisse, and the injured Mamdooh Momtaz to Cafundéu clubs. The Mercury quoted a transfer fee of in excess of 30 million Reformed Pounds to be split amongst the CMSA, CMSC luxury tax, Marquez-Onwere FC and Turks (KT); as well as the players’ signing-on fees.

The Mercury singled-out Sandstrom and Waddington’s performances, describing them as “listless” and “atrocious” respectively, and calling on Mark Baker to find a suitable punishment for the two starters. They also called for the introduction of pacey right-winger Adams for the next match, as the paper is wont to do; despite the young Cathedral City star’s involvement in the pre-match booze-up. They later acknowledged however that Baker is likely to stay loyal to the XI that so comfortably beat Sorthern Northland at the MSS, for the almost-certainly decisive clash with Zwangzug.

Contrary as ever, Simeon Barness back in the Herald offered words of sober encouragement for the C&M players, saluting their “valiant daring-do against one of the world’s most impermeable aggregations. And we must ask why our expectations for this team are so lofty when the lions in our path can tender the congener of triptych-scoring luminary Yancy Fry; a very galaxy of celestial parhelion in and of himself? How can we but squat on our hunkers and find ourselves willingly thunderstruck by his internecine potency, and heed just how far we have to peregrinate. A fellow three-pronged legend, Cerberus itself, would be rendered a mere subservient whelp by this Qazoxian ox of a man.”

Oliverio Gabri Flores, in the El Periodico del Arrigo, suggested the team’s sixth-place position would be rectified next time around by the introduction of a fresh new set of CMSC players, arguing the case of the inclusion of Oberon Martinez, Rodrigo Alkorta, José Felipe Cassumba Domingos, Finlay Tenorio, Ignacio Vélez, Leonard Pinto, José Luis Sosa and Dean Wilson.

From Rushmore Sports Daily’s Brian Kennedy column

Endmile loses 1-4 to Atheistic Right
By Jan Kruis

The State team posted a huge loss today against Atheistic Right. With two offensive teams such as these, goalkeeping was the name of the game, and Atheistic Right’s John Edwards came out on top.

The first goal came in the 14th minute when Aidan Stewart (MF) made a key pass to Jaden Jackson (FW), who faked a shot and then passed the ball over to Cameron Miller (FW). Vader Schut (GK, Powerhouse) was fooled by Jackson’s move, putting him out of position for a shot by Miller, who tapped the ball in. Endmile had a great chance in the 28th minute when Henrik Klusener (FW, Royal Blood FC) broke away from Brandon Cooper (DF). Klusener put a hard shot on goal, but it ricocheted off the post, coming back to Klusener. He took another shot, and this one was miraculously saved by John Edwards (GK), then cleared out by Ryan Mitchell (DF).

The second half saw a lot more scoring chances for both teams, but Atheistic Right was able to convert more of them. Jaden Jackson (FW) scored with a header off of a corner kick by Xavier Carter in the 50th minute, and Cameron Miller scored a second goal with an amazing shot from outside the penalty area in the 57th. John Edwards continued to reign terror on Endmile, blocking several good chances with his superior goalkeeping. Then, in the 75th minute, Veit Schoeman (MF, FC Koningen) sent a through ball up the field and Skipper Schaers (FW, Red Army) made a run for it, just beating Robert Murphy (DF) to the ball. Schaers then made a quick move towards the goal, but left the ball for Everhart Pieterszen (FW, CR Submiria), who was there to take the shot, finally beating Edwards. Atheistic Right sealed the deal in the 85th minute with a goal by Aidan Stewart (MF).

Elsewhere in the Second Final Solution region, Grotewohl continues to perform well, this time posting a 0-3 win over Herchimer. They are currently in third place in Group 6, and have a real chance at qualifying. Trumanistan continued its downward spiral, this time losing 0-4 to Northern Bettia. They have lost almost all hope of qualifying at this point. Bellzantium was defeated 1-5 by Jasī’yūn. They are still in sixth place, but the point defecit is huge. It is doubtful that they will qualify.

Since torture is outlawed in Endmile, the people (read journalists) of Atheistic Right won’t be subjected to the same kind of cruelties that I was. I kind of wish I could get some payback. At least we could detain them and make them miss the match.

Although we lost today, the team didn’t play terribly. Atheistic Right are just a superior team with more experience. Up next we play Fmjphoenix, who are tied with Atheistic Right for second place in Group 4. If we can come away with the win, we might be in sight of qualifying.
MD01 Atheistic Right vs. Endmile 3-2
MD02 Fmjphoenix vs. Endmile 1-1
MD03 Endmile vs. Jeru FC 3-1
MD04 Kiryu-Shi vs. Endmile 1-1
MD05 Endmile vs. Homieville 4-1
MD06 Squornshelous vs. Endmile 2-1
MD07 Endmile vs. Billopesha 2-1
MD08 Endmile vs. Atheistic Right 1-4
MD09 Endmile vs. Fmjphoenix
MD10 Jeru FC vs. Endmile
MD11 Endmile vs. Kiryu-Shi
MD12 Homieville vs. Endmile
MD13 Endmile vs. Squornshelous
MD14 Billopesha vs. Endmile

Group 4 Standings:

Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Squornshelous 8 6 2 0 22 7 +15 20
2 Fmjphoenix 8 5 1 2 11 6 +5 16*
3 Atheistic Right 8 5 1 2 19 9 +10 16*
4 Kiryu-shi 8 3 3 2 10 11 −1 12
5 Endmile 8 3 2 3 15 14 +1 11
6 Jeru FC 8 2 1 5 10 19 −9 7
7 Billopesha 8 1 2 5 8 13 −5 5
8 Homieville 8 1 0 7 4 20 −16 3

*head-to-head result was a 1–0 Fmjphoenix win

http://i159.photobucket.com/albums/t156/daehanjeiguk/news.png

MBC International brings you this startling update from Hangyeong:

Ahead of the match in Malnira today, the Imperial Cabinet has come out with a punitive plan to ensure that Central Prestonia is held accountable for the actions of its citizens in starting the fight in their stadium some time ago. The fight resulted in 3 injuries for the Han side, with 2 serious injuries counted among them. Despite the Han team's return of force, injuring 12 of their players, the Emperor remains adamant that all threats of force must be addressed with full and unconditional retaliation. Given that the Han team committed the first half of the Imperial retaliation, the Emperor has decided graciously to waive the second half of the retaliation, instead demanding that the Central Prestonian Football Association accept full responsibility for the actions committed by their players, and to assume any fines for excessive behavior during the match. Additionally, the Imperial Cabinet has issued a general advisory to all foreign states, asking them to avoid any unofficial travel to Central Prestonia.

Critics to this latest move from the Imperial Cabinet and the Foreign Ministry suggest that they "have taken the incident duly out of proportion." What was officially an incident demonstrating the barbaric nature of the Central Prestonian team, is now a "diplomatic blunder, showing the world that the Empire is throwing a fit over a trivial matter." Other officials have expressed some reservations about the moves - "It will certainly not turn military, but I can imagine that the Emperor was in a fit. It doesn't help that the majority of Han citizens support his moves, and they [the people] might even make this for the worse." Still, the Emperor has stated that the government of Central Prestonia has 48 hours to reply to this ultimatum before the Imperial Foreign Ministry reacts to this silence.

There was also a mention of the referee at the match, suggesting that referee should not possess any firearms of any sort (although ironically, they are permitted some sort of non-explosive side arm). The Imperial Football Association has made no response to these actions.

This report has been brought to you by MBC International - Bringing the World Together Again! (세계를 함께 가져오기 다시!)

“This is Channel 9 Griffwitness News 24, Bostopia. The time is twenty-three hours fifty nine B.E.S.T., and now, the National Anthem.”

The words to the national anthem scrolled at the bottom of the screen as picturesque shots of the Bostopian countryside were shown, finishing off with a view of Fort Boston Castle, with the national flag lit up by a spotlight.

Patriots, hear your country call you!
Act, or worse than death befall you!
Stand strong, stand strong, stand strong, Bostopia!
Lo! All of our tanks are now started,
Let our islands be united!
Stand strong, stand strong, stand strong, Bostopia!

Advance Bostopias flag!
Hurrah! Hurrah!
For our homeland we take our stand,
And live or die for her rights!
To Arms! To Arms!
And conquer peace for freedom!
To Arms! To Arms!
And conquer for Bostopia!

Hear the enemy shelling mutter!
Our colours shall never fall!
The red, the white and the blue, Bostopia!
Unity Rises Above Strengh!
Our motto shall never fail!
Stand strong, stand strong, stand strong, Bostopia!

Advance Bostopia's flag!
Hurrah! Hurrah!
For our homeland we take our stand,
And live or die for her rights!
To Arms! To Arms!
And conquer peace for freedom!
To Arms! To Arms!
And conquer for Bostopia!

The Channel 9 News 24 Late News Theme starts up.

[Parriff] Hello, I’m Jamie Parriff, and this is Channel 9 News 24, thanks for watching. Our top story tonight comes out of Taylington, Bassingdale State.

Adam Collick, the former manager of Bostopia has died aged 70. Collick had been fishing from a river bank behind his house when he was discovered by his wife of 51 years, after he hadn’t come back into the house at his usual time. Initial reports have stated that Collick died peacefully in his sleep.

Collick, who managed Bostopia for 38 years, from their first entry into the World Cup, had his finest moment 10 years ago when he lead Bostopia to win the Cup of Harmony in had already been stated as his final game before retirement.

The Football Association has released a statement saying they are “deeply saddened by the loss of Adam Collick, and will be looking for a suitable memorial to him as soon as possible.” Kelly Firth had this to say in an earlier interview.

[Firth] The death of Adam Collick will be felt across Bostopia, especially by us in the national team. It was of course Adam Collick’s “master plan” to bring in the current squad when they were just 5, and their successes this cup in winning 6 games in a row is all thanks to his brilliant foresight. There will, of course be a minutes silence before the game tomorrow in the Bostopia Stadium.

[Parriff] There have already been memorials announced for Collick, with the gates outside the Bostopia Stadium being renamed the “Collick Gates”. This has given a Bostopian songwriter inspiration to create the song “Fields of Bostopia” and we’ll present the lyrics to you as soon as the FA has approved them.

Please stay with Channel 9 News 24 throughout the night, and we’ll see you after these short messages.

FLoG Victorious 0-3
Diawsam
Grotewohl Associated Press

FLoG once again triumphs over Herchimer in a 3-0 shutout. In this game was the first "hat-trick" as I've come to learn it is called. Qak managed to score all of the points in this game.

This first goal cam from the typical Auq/Qak duo pushing foward with a good amount of teamwork. A final pass from Auq to Qak was one touched into the goal. The second goal was another push by Auq and Qak. This time a shot by Auq was blocked by the keeper, who was unable to mantain control. Qak as he has done many a time was there for the knocking the ball into the net. 10 minutes before the end of the game. Qak seemed to be pressing hard on the goal attempting for a third goal. A shot was knocked out of the goal to set up a corner. On the corner by Ash, Qak came out of nowhere and knocked the ball into the net.

After the end I got a chance to "talk" to Qak. He seemed very excited and I could not understand a single thing he said. He seemed to be speaking in a language I have not heard. Not surprising, it is tough to know all the clan's languages from Grotewohl.

With this win, FLoG continues to push for the qualifying for the cup. An important match against Vilita is tomorrow if they win chances increase. Some tough games are ahead.

Group 6 P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 The Holy Empire 8 8 0 0 34 10 +24 24
2 Vilita 8 6 0 2 20 8 +12 18
3 Grotewohl 8 5 1 2 24 14 +10 16
4 Sativaville 8 5 0 3 13 17 −4 15
5 British Londinium 8 3 1 4 9 11 −2 10
6 Ulzaxid 8 2 0 6 12 22 −10 6
7 Limbrogidlia 8 1 1 6 3 17 −14 4
8 Herchimer 8 0 1 7 6 22 −16 1

May the Football League of Grotewohl continue in the favor of the gods.

Diawsam the Seer

MD9 RP cutoff

MD9 scores (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12924890&postcount=12)

Kura-Pellandi bookmakers started paying out on bets on unsuccessful qualification as The Islands of Qutar snatched a thoroughly deserved 1-0 victory against a dismal Kura-Pelland side. The target for the team now is non-humiliation, and on this display even that will be failed. The scoreline was kept down only by wayward finishing that any half-decent team would have punished. Kura-Pelland, clearly, are not yet a half-decent team.

It was a slow day in the newsroom. A quick glance at the headlines for various sections would have revealed as much:

Front page: Postal servis priv8ized
Local news: Wayr nu post ofises will b set up
Business: Economic fx of priv8iza10
Variety: φlately

Sports, however, was a bit different.

6th save, 7th save, 8th save, Gol!

But the unique angle didn't last long.

An 80th minit gol from Phillip Stings must sur10ly hav urned a stamp of apruval...

Alexandria Times-Tribune-Star-News-Post-Gazette-Chronicle-Journal-Enquirer

News Section

Chaos Reigns in Milchama

One of the few true sayings about Milchama and Milchamians is that if religion ever becomes important WATCH OUT! Right now the saying is holding true up and down the country and various random religions and cults battle it out for some form of supremacy that nobody is sure about and nobody really understands but the bloodshed and violence continue nonetheless.

Yesterday Jewish Terrorists responded to a Margaret terrorist attack in New Oslo by bombing an important Margaratist stronghold right outside the walls. This has led to a new round in New Oslo as well as surrounding Kellitin and Faores as supporters of both religions continued gun battles. In other places atheists entered the fray after allying with the agnostics to finally, "Put some sense into people so that they can realize there is no god." The Atheists in Kelletin killed 2 and captured 3 Margaretists and are trying to convert the prisoners to non-religion.

This whole mess all started after Chief Rabbi Gamliel denounced the growing Cult of Margaret saying that the Margaratists were praying to false gods. Two days later his house was bombed and it all went down the drain after that as everybody started fighting with everybody else for the new religious supremacy of Milchama. Right now though the Jews are winning beating back the Margaratists in this latest Dogma war. Gonnenberg has called for calm in the country but his calls have been brushed back by leaders on all sides saying that the true god needs to be helped.

The Conneset has broken up over this and with new elections around the corner only bad things are in store for Milchama.

Meanwhile in sports the Warriors continued their dominance today beating Yafor 2 3-2 to maintain first place in their group. Tomorrow they play second place Sel Appa in a match to determine who takes home the spoils of top in the group.

Turori, I got your number

TURORI -- It's another day of celebration for Vephrese football fans. Most analysts were predicting Turori to take revenge for what was surely an embarrassing loss several months ago in Vephrall, and the general consensus was no contest - the Eels were going to make up for that loss and probably tack on several more goals as well. But the Vephrall bench had other ideas.

Turori took an expected early 2-0 lead before letting up on the gas a bit at the half-hour mark. They carried that lead into halftime, but it was obvious that manager Ostalir Pasarap had not even come close to giving up in this affair. Slowly the momentum began to shift in Vephrall's favor, and the fresh legs of the second-half substitutes would end up making the difference. Echeng Ceedast, brought on after 63 minutes to replace Sorrah Wais, scored the 2-1 reducer, and winger sub Diors Ebrulefa made a solid cross to Thwante Uambe to tie the game in the 77th. At that point, the Turori defense woke up and successfully prevented the visitors from scoring again, but they couldn't seem to get an attack going and were unable to retake the lead. After the final whistle blew, there was much celebration all over Vephrall, as the team had somehow managed to take an incredible four points from the 25th-ranked Eels.

The draw leaves Team Vephrall in fifth place in Group 7 with a 4-1-4 record, but only four points away from third place and a playoff, and just five from second and an outright World Cup berth. A result in next month's match against group leaders Acapais at Liskis Paeteed in Penuls would do wonders for Vephrall's qualification hopes, especially if it is followed up by a victory over ARealAdvance. Even better would be if the resulting momentum propelled the team to steal a point in Ariddia, though we concede this is highly unlikely.

Final score
Turori 2 (<unknown> 11', <unknown> 28')
VEPHRALL 2 (Ceedast 68', Uambe 77')

The following is an extract from the screenplay to the exciting 14-part Imperial Television series "World Cup 36 - the Qualification Campaign", coming soon to IBC!


World Cup 36 - The Qualification Campaign

Part 9 - The Home Match V. Ulzaxid

Scene 3 - After the Final Whistle

Setting: A group of weird alien creatures lies slumped in front of one of the goals; they look well-beaten. The scoreboard reads "French Existentialism/Nihilism 5 - Unknown Alien Philosophy 1". The crowd is cheering wildly as a group of eleven black-clad, beret-wearing, chain-smoking, French-accented philosophers stand in the centre circle, stroking their chins pensively while feigning total boredom. Someone then runs to the centre circle wildly waving a sheet of paper; at the same moment, the scoreboard flashes up with the caption "Elves Security Forces 0–1 Tylero". Suddenly, the crowd erupts in even louder deafening cheers as the philosophers produce maracas that have appeared from nowhere, arrange themselves in a conga line, and - while shaking their maracas - start to parade along the sidelines while chanting....

The Last Perfect Record!
We Are Undefeated!

They proceed to behave in this bizarrely uncharacteristic fashion for the next 30 minutes. The screen then fades to black. Credits roll.

Kate Dallas: Where's Mum!
Sark Kozy: Oh Dazza, her knee is giving trouble - she's with the physio. He's got a great job.
Kate Dallas: There's a new reporter coming around to interview her, shall we call it off?
Sark Kozy: I don't know Kate, ask your Mum.

Kate Dallas: I have an idea!
Sark kozy: Like what?
Kate Dallas: I'll be Dazza Dallas!
Sark kozy: Well, some people can't tell the difference.

<later>

Reporter: Hi, are you Dazza Dallas - the Jeruselem world cup coach?
Kate: Yes, I'm the Village Bike. Or the Jeruselem's biggest banana if you ask some people.
Reporter: Did I catch you at the wrong time? You're only wearing a bathrobe.
Kate: No, I'm always like this - so, let's one with it.

Reporter: Are you disappointed at the loss to Trumanistan today?
Kate: Yes, I hate losing. Losing to a team who have been eliminated from the World Cup 36 is not the sort of thing I want from my team. Losing to a Bettia or Ariddia is alright, but not Trumanistan.
Reporter: Your team didn't play very well today.
Kate: I do admit we had a very wobbly flight trip from Jeruselem here. Some of the team got quite sick.

Reporter: Any excuses?
Kate: No, we should have won. Our rivals in Group 9 won as they should but we did not.
Reporter: The attack was a bit meek today.
Kate: Dinkie wasn't at her best as the flight here got her quite sick and the other strikers didn't play well either. No, we didn't really threaten the goal much.

Reporter: The Captain Rashina Dallas had a bad day.
Kate: Well, she got elbowed in the face twice and no yellow cards. In the past, she would have gone nannas and punched out the other player.
Reporter: The referee was a bit blind today.
Kate: Well, he missed a few things like someone nearly flattening Kate Dallas by accident.

Reporter: Yes, Kate Dallas - she played a great game but the strikers couldn't convert.
Kate: Yes, she's just like her mother ... that's me.
Reporter: You had a business trip to Qazox, what was that about.
Kate: Just people interesting in sighing our players for their club teams. Business as usual.

Reporter: People have been impressed by the captaincy of Rashina Dallas. what's the secret to Dallas girls being so good?
Kate: I don't know, maybe the good people skills! Ariddians have good people skills.
Reporter: You're very pretty for someone aged over 40. What's the secret.
Kate: Organic food, clean green living and lots of nookie.

Reporter: The game against Patusan, they travel to Jeruselem to face you at home. Are you taking precautions?
Kate: Yes, they will be escorted at all times.
Reporter: Are you just being paranoid
Kate: Well, after losing John Bozat - we don't want anymore of our Jeruselemites eaten.

Reporter: Why have you been described as Jeruselem biggest banana?
Kate: Well, I get peeled all the time, and well get eaten in the shower a lot. And it's all steamy stuff. Can show you!
Reporter: No thanks! We know what you look like naked. I see, it that normal for you?
Kate: I'm the Bike, I get what I can before I get too old.

Reporter: What do you feel about the chaos in Milchama with Jews fighting with Maggie supporters.
Kate: There's no need, Jeruselem have had so many religious wars - we've learnt to deal with religion. Milchamians should learn to work out war and religion are not a good mix.
Reporter: What's the solution?
Kate: You don't have love each other, just accept there are people with different beliefs out there.

Reporter: Now, what you feel about Kate Dallas hanging around with royalty - like dating the future King of Jeruselem?
Kate: One can't complain. Can't wait to be the Queen Mother!
Reporter: It's nice talking to you Dazza Dallas.
Kate: I'm on my bike, as always.

<Later>

Dazza: Kate, I missed my interview!
Kate: No you didn't!
Dazza: Thanks Kate, you don't tell me - you were Dazza.
Kate: He didn't even know it.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/daehanjeiguk.pngDaehanjeiguk || 2 - 0 || Bellzantiumhttp://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/bellzantium.png

Another win puts the Team into qualifying prospects again!

http://my.opera.com/elfenom/homes/albums/86701/thumbs/France%201-1%20Korea%20Republic.jpg_thumb.jpg

Today's 2-0 victory puts the Imperial Team back into third position, which puts the Imperial Team closer to reaching the qualifiers. But as Head Coach Cha Beomgeun has stated, "it's only one step closer." There remain the pivotal matches against the Archregimancy, Wentland, and Jaseuyeon ahead, followed by an end all match in Jariss. In turn, the remaining matches are critical to the success for the team.

Today's match began with many first-time starters on the team, following a match fest that was the 3-1 victory in Central Prestonia. The Imperial side was slow to start, but Kim Ho kept his ground, saving the three shots sent against him in the first half. However, the Han players were having equal difficulty against a new Bellzantium goalkeeper, apparently his first international cap. It was a remarkable start for the goalkeeper, as both teams went into halftime at an even 0-0. The second half showed a completely different picture, as the team went on a roll to score its first goal - by Kim Byeongji - in the 54th minute. It was lively cross that met Kim at the precise measure; the ball left his foot with no chance for the goalkeeper's timely recovery. The game remained tense, but no fights. It was deadlock going into the final moments, and Yi Dongguk, following Kim Ho's goalkick in the 79th minute, led up a brilliant strike that forced the goalkeeper to punch the ball over for a corner kick. Playing on a brilliant set position, Kim Eunjung led the kick and found its way to Kim Byeongji, who made a fantastic head. The goalkeeper made an equally fantastic save, but couldn't get a grip on the ball. Yi Eulyong followed up the save for a round kick that hit the post. A Bellzantium player tried to boot the ball away, but Heo Jeongmu took up the ball and scooped it into the net, for a thrilling 2nd goal in the 81st minute.

Heo Jeongmu, voted man of the match, took up questions in the post-match: "Well, I think everyone was excited when the ball was in there, and everyone was happy that the ball was out of play, although the Bellzantium players were certainly not happy that they conceded another goal. They played very well, and it was a bad thing I suppose that we beat them, but it was a good victory for us." Head Coach Cha Beomgeun also shared his opinions in the post-match conference: "We faced a good opponent. No fights today either. But if this match is doing anything for us, we have to realize that it's going to be tough for our next few games. We'll be playing the Archregimancy in the Dreamed Realm, then return home for the match against Wentland, and then Jaseuyeon after our match against Cebumopolis. I can only anticipate that we'll have a tough time dealing with these powerful teams, but with two home matches, we ought to come out with at least a draw." Ahead of the match against the Archregimancy at their home, Cha Beomgeun said, "Well, we held them to a draw at home. I can only hope that we will come out better there, because they will have home support there. If we do lose, I'm prepared for the match against Wentland, against whom we have home advantage."

Summary of Events:
54' - HAN Goal (#21)
81' - HAN Goal (#7)

GROUP 12
Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 The Archregimancy 9 6 3 0 17 5 +12 21
2 Wentland 9 5 4 0 14 4 +10 19
3 Daehanjeiguk 9 5 2 2 15 10 +5 17
4 Jaseuyeon 9 5 1 3 18 11 +7 16
5 Jariss 9 3 4 2 9 6 +3 13
6 Bellzantium 9 2 1 6 11 15 −4 7
7 Cebumopolis 9 1 3 5 4 13 −9 6
8 Central Prestonia 9 0 0 9 3 27 −24 0 <E>


Ahead of the match away in the Archregimancy, Cha Beomgeun has announced the following line up:

Kim Yongdae

Yi Sabik Pak Geonha Kim Jingyu

Go Jongsu Yi Eulyong Han Paeng Heo Jeongmu

Seo Jeongweon

Yi Dongguk Kim Daeeui

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/juvanya/turtletimes.png
Cabbage Cabbaged!
A recent issue of the Cabbage has turned out to be fake--a counterfeit--and The Cabbage has threatened to sue the person or company that circulated the fake newspapers. The main article of the paper in question was about how Milchama was bought by Cafendeu and proceeded to go on about Doom, school-shootings, and Pokemon. The Cabbage immediately released a statement condemning the counterfeit as soon as they had received word of its release.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/juvanya/cabbage_milch250.png
The main article from the counterfeit

The Cabbage has already filed a lawsuit against the printer of the counterfeit newspapers and is waiting for information on the origin of the fake. The Cabbage claims this may have damaged their image. The newspaper is known for its outrageous and exaggerated stories, available at most newsstands.

Sel Appa to host Milchama
Sel Appa is to host Milchama in the 10th match of the World Cup 36 Qualifiers. The team who comes out victorious here is predicted by most sources to take win the group. The previous head-to-head between these two group rivals resulted in a draw. Milchama is ranked 6th, with Sel Appa ranked 23rd. The Turtles and Warriors have equal records in their groups, that is 8 wins and a draw. Both are able to and likely will qualify automatically. The tense match will be in Grand Archduke Kirby I Stadium, with a capacity of 80,000. Almost all tickets are sold out, but can be found on online auction websites.

After five more matches, the Billopeshian team have failed to show any hope whatsoever. Four losses and a draw have brought Billopesha to the bottom of their group table and are on their way out of their first World Cup.

On matchday 5, Billopesha played Fmjphoenix in a game that began and ended badly for Billopesha. Within the fifth minute of the game, Fmjphoenix had scored a goal when their striker broke through Billopeshian defence and slipped the ball in past Derek Loose. There were only two good attempts at goal from Billopesha; one from John Finch during a free kick which was saved and another from Marius Lister when a close shot hit the post. Fmjphoenix were fought back by the Billopeshian defence until, with only eight minutes to go until the end, Fmjphoenix scored from a corner kick headed in. The 2-0 loss brought more misery to the Billopeshian side.

Matchday 6 involved a match against Atheistic Right. The game started uneventfully but the Billopeshian team worked hard to prevent many goal attempts from succeeding, which left the team little chance for to attack. In the second half, Oliver Hewitt gave the best attempt at goal that was only just saved by goalkeeper John Edwards. But Atheistic Right eventually broke through Billopeshian defence due to a cross by Kyle Rogers to Jacob Hunt who hit the ball to the left corner of the net. Billopesha failed to equalise with the only interest lying in Ryan Mitchell of Atheistic Right getting a red card for a foul against Peter Straw.

Matchday 7 brought a game against Endmile, former group opponents in the last Baptism of Fire. 2-0 to Endmile at half time, only a goal by Justin Clinton managed to relieve some of the misery of the defeat, the game ending 2-1.

On Matchday 8, the match against Jeru FC was the lesser of five miserable games. After Jeru FC’s 3-0 victory over Billopesha in their first game, the team were eager to get revenge and this began to take shape when a strike by Titus Thane sent the ball into the net, surprising the goalkeeper in the 12th minute. But Jeru FC was quick to equalise when a corner kick by Player 9 gave Player 8 a chance to kick the ball into the net five minutes after Billopesha’s goal. Jeremy Strife received a yellow card for a foal against Player 3 and Ryan Locke was replaced by Cato Smith when he received a leg injury while running. Titus Thane had a clear run at goal following a Juru FC attempt but the goal he scored was offside and disallowed. It was in the 42nd minute that Jeru FC scored a goal to send Billopesha behind 2-1 at half time. The second half began strong with a goal from a free kick by Justin Clinton in the 51st minute. Ten minutes later, Titus Thane made a run at goal but was cut down from below by Player 2 in the penalty box, resulting in Player 2 receiving a yellow card and Billopesha getting a penalty kick. Titus Thane took the penalty kick and stuck the ball on target to the left, passing the goalkeeper to bring Billopesha 3-2 up. But the lead was followed by another yellow card for Jeremy Strife and he was sent off with a red card. The lead was still held by a strong defence but a defensive mistake by Frank Erwin caused Player 9 of Jeru FC to score an equaliser 12 minutes before the end.

The match against Kiryu-shi saw poor play from Billopesha who failed in make an impact in the first half. A good long volley shot from Hewitt failed to score when it was skilfully saved by Jon Crow and the Billopeshian defence barely managed to stop two attacks by Garret McGee. The second half began with Billopeshian Leo Hills receiving a yellow card for a foul on Pat Mayberry who coincidentally received a yellow card 24 minutes later for a foul on Matthew Richardson. The first and last goal of the match was in the 66th minute by Hellen Gandy for Kiryu-shi when he successfully dodged Leo Hills and Paul Roberts to hit a low shot past Loose. Billopesha failed to equalize and ended with a 1-0 defeat which repeated the first game they played together earlier in the tournament.

Billopesha has five more matches to go until the end of the qualifying stage and it appears the team will be out by that time. Billopesha has only won one match but has at least made itself known on the World Cup stage. Can Billopesha do much better in the next five matches?

Coach Anthony Pickard speaks:
“I am disappointed with our many losses in the matches so far but we are gaining experience and that is exactly what we need. I hope the team will be improving for the last five qualifying matches whether they go out or not and I’m sure we can only get better. As of now we are not quite out and I haven’t given up yet.”

Report from:
http://www.freewebs.com/billopesha/msoD6A9B.jpg

Kate Bush: Dazza?
Dazza: Helly Bushy, your team is doing well.
Kate Bush: Yes, we are doing well - we should be eliminated by now.
Dazza: So, how are things with my army boys.

Kate Bush: Them? One of them is always stealing women's underwear.
Dazza: I don't have the issue.
Kate Bush: You don't wear underwear even though you own a store which sells it.
Dazza: Yes I do, sometimes err during a pink moon.

Kate Bush: Say, I saw you on TV earlier. You looked a bit young! Or was that Kate Dallas being you.
Dazza: It was Kate, she did a great job eh?
Kate Bush: She's well trained for TV.
Dazza: Yes, she's ready for the big time!

Kate Bush: I have an idea, you should run media training for women.
Dazza: Me? Hey, that's an idea.
Kate Bush: Yes, look at your kids - they are so well groomed for TV.
Dazza: We're just attention whores, do what we can to get a bit of attention.

Kate Bush: I have to go. I have bail of my team out of gaol again.

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Sel Appa Edition


Grand Nemnenait Hotel
The Grand Nemnenait Hotel is one of the best in Sel Appa's capital city of Nemnenait. Its pentagonal shape makes it quite attractive, as well as its prime location adjacent to Nemnenait's harbor. The hotel was completed in 1977 and is 125 metres tall with 32 floors. It has 500 guest rooms and two Royal Suites on the top floor. Pricing ranges from £400 to £5000 for the Royal Suites, varying based on accommodations and view. A huge 100-metre atrium extending from the 28th floor down ensures internal rooms have windows. An observation deck is on the top floor, allowing guests and tourists to view Nemnenait's harbor and the city skyline itself.

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Grand Nemnenait Hotel

The basic room is in the interior and has two Queen beds, full bath, and television. Amenities in the more expensive rooms include: microwave oven, mini-fridge, kitchenette, King beds, and a sofa. The Royal Suites are split into a master bedroom with a King bed, a regular bedroom with two Twin beds, a living room, full kitchen, and a full bathroom with a jacuzzi. All external rooms have a view of the city and harbor, while all internal rooms can look down into the atrium at the lobby.

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Royal Suite bathroom

The hotel has an Olympic-size zero-entry swimming pool that goes to three metres deep, as well as an exercise room. There are three restaurants in the hotel and many more throughout the city. The 31st-floor restaurant, La Tortue, serves excellent, but high-priced, gourmet food. At the ground floor, there is a buffet (lunch and dinner) and a lower-priced restaurant called Marie's that serves all meals. All in all, the Grand Nemnenait Hotel is a lavish experience for anyone visiting Sel Appa. It has housed visiting teams during World Cup qualifiers, in addition to many celebrities from Sel Appa and abroad.

New Qazian Press

Pheonix Continue Home Cooking

A few days before one of the most important matches in recent memory for Qazox, Sorthern Northland came to visit in Estadia Pika, and left on the wrong side of a 6-1 beat-down.

Despite Tom Tomsk's 11th minute goal, that stunned to crowd into silence, the Pheonix where in control for the entire match. 2 goals from Tomas Richter, 2 goals from Greg Holden and goals from David Easter and Wesley Tripp finished off the win.

The Pheonix scored the most goals in a match since a 7-1 win vs Ghost Tigers Rise 8 years ago. This offensive out-burst bodes well for Qazox as they begin the tail-end of qualifing.

Up next is a trip to Zwangzug, who currently lead the group, 1 point ahead of Qazox. The winner of this match will be the leader heading down the home stretch.


Match Summary:
11': Goal (SN) Tom Tomsk
21': Goal (QZX) Tomas Richter
34': Goal (QZX) Greg Holden
38': Goal (QZX) Tomas Richter
52': Goal (QZX) Greg Holden
57': Sub (QZX) Wesley Tripp for Tomas Richter
68': Sub (QZX) David Easter for Greg Holden
75': Goal (QZX) Wesley Tripp
83': Goal (QZX) David Easter

Shots:
Qazox: 19
Sorthern Northland: 4

Corners:
Qazox: 13
Sorthern Northland: 1

FOULS:
Qazox: 4
Sorthern Northland: 4

Inside the Flaggon Dragon

<TV announcer:.. And there goes the final whistle here at Xylander Stadium in Kensington, British Londinium as 92,000 fans go home upset. The Potheads pull out of their 2 game slump with an impressive 5-1 win, and that keeps them in a solid 3rd place in Group 6, with 18 points.
The man of the match has to be Javier Kogan, who was a last-minute starter for Erik Hudkins. Apperently Kogan's daughter was sick and he had to be in the hospital for her. 14 shots and 13 saves, a great job by Kogan.

Goals scored by: Clinton Lichtenberg in the 34th and 40th minutes, Fernando Reif in the 56th and 64th minutes with the last goal coming off the foot of Kelly Furfaro in the 77th. This was one fo the more lopsided matches in team history, and with Limbrogidlia coming to town, the Potheads should roll again.

For STV, this has been Brian Stewart.>


Police Chief Danner: Great, 3 matches in a row we've lost money on. WHy'd they wait to the last minute to announce Kogan as the starter?

Mayor Cremit: I don't know. He called me just after the bartender placed the bet.

Danner: The bet that British Londinium would score more than 2 goals?

Cremit: Yep. Weird thing though, was it sounded like Kogan was in a betting parlour.

Danner: You don't think he bet against us do you?

Cremit: I still think something is fishy about all of this.

Danner: Same here. Just wish I knew what it was.

Bartender: Hey guys, tough break there, that Kogan came back. Damn i was sure that we'd win the bet for sure.

Cremit: Well, we're still 15 million up at the moment. So which of the following do we want to bet on next?

Danner: Let's take a look, 4-1 that Sativaville scores at least 5 goals, 6-1 that Limbrogidlia gets shut-out and 15-1 that Lichtenberg scores at least 2. I think we should go after the 5 goals, it's a bit safer bet.

Cremit: Well I say we go after the shut-out. If we can score 5 agaisnt BL, and they aren't that bad of a team, we definately should score at lewast that many next week. What do you think, partner?

Bartender: I say we go for the shut-out, and place 5 million on it. That would make up for the amount we lost the last three games.

Danner: Ok, your call.

"I knew I was missing something!" Everett exclaimed as he walked around his house, the photo's the memories, his real identity coming back to him as he pondered around.

He saw a photo of his mother and picked it up... And slightly chuckled "You know just before this photo had been taken. Me and mum had just found out that my sister was pregnant with her second kid. His name was 'Dresdin Lucas Heights'... Oh, and I used to play the Tuba at school. Was never good at it, though I fancied myself as a singer."

Everett Kang wondered through his house making obtuse comments about all the little items that was in his house remembering everything about his life. It wasn't until he found his trophy room that he remembered anything about his soccer career. Those around found out that Soccer was only a part of his life. A love for his family, a love of good food and a love for music were other parts that kept the soccer star Balanced.

"Where are my team mates?"

"They are waiting for you, I'd say you'd need to finish looking around here but I believe you've got yourself back and it'll will help you with the other part of your life. Soccer."

"Thank you so much... let's go."

They got into a car and drove down to Drago Soccer Field, for Everret lived in Drago. A smile drew accross his face as memories played across his mind from when he was a youngster going to his first A-League match in the famous Bazalonian field, and the true Spiritual home of Bazalonian soccer despite the newer and flashier TeleBaz Stadium and the CBBC Dome, to the latest match he played here. It was all going through his mind as he entered.

Even more memories stepped in has he headed towards the changing rooms. It was like he was home, it was like he knew the in's and out's of this place even better than it's architect. It wasn't long until he arrived at the changing rooms with the entire Bazalope team and the support staff there waiting for him and ready to celebrate his return.

It was a happy time, beer and wine flowed free along with various snacks. The only thing that waited was the psychologists report, on wether he was together enough to play in the next match.

The Daily Quak
Sharks "Uproot" Planting, "Jaw" through Patusan, Get Burnt By Fire Ants

The Quakmybush National Soccer Team continued their impressive World Cup 36 qualifying run, with two, 2-0 wins, one over Planting, and the other over Patusan. They then traveled to Northern Bettia where they lost 4-1. The Sharks dominated in the matches against Patusan, and Planting, with very few regulars in the lineup. Scoring goals against Planting were, Jon Fields, and Gary Tertes. While notching markers vs Patusan were Rui Bandino, and Darrel Ralegigh. The game against Northern Bettia was very much looked forward too. Both nations were ready to play, and it showed. Both teams came out aggressively and it cost Quakmybush early, some mis timed challenges led to Northern Bettia scoring three early goals. The score was three to nothing going into the second half. Quakmybush scored an early goal when Cory Sorley was wide open in front of the net and found himself with the ball making it 3-1. It was not enough though as Northern Bettia added another one later to make it a 4-1 final.

Quakmybush - 2
Fields 42' Tertes 59'
Planting - 0
None

Quakmybush - 2
Bandino 14' Ralegigh 72'
Patusan

Quakmybush
Sorley 47'
Northern Bettia - 4
Forward 11' 15' 19' Defender 78'


Goal Scorers
Fields - 8
Sorley - 4
Baker, Graves - 2
Bricking, Plett, Graves, Manu, Carroll, Jenkins, Bandino, Ralegigh, Tertes - 1


Lineup vs Trumanistan (Xed City Stadium)
GK: Brooks
DEF: Gait, Hughes, Valez, Manu
MID: Bricking, Fields
FOR: Sorley, Martin, Graves, Baker

"Damnit!" exclaimed Ralphy... "Wow was I supposed to know he was a Football star. "Not that I can care about the damned sport but, gah, he knows about all my operations. Even though he perhaps doesn't understand the significance, those cursed Bazalonians could just be smart enough to work out what I have planned, if it was anyone else, It wouldn't matter... but him.. Gah."

"Only one thing I can do... Go to Bazalonia and deal with this myself."

Why he was saying these things out loud and not privately to himself was anyones guess, but the good money would be on that he is not quite mentally with it. Either case him speaking this aloud allowed someone we know to hear the conversation.

Leon Green had been able to get a bug into Ralphy's office just before he been able to find out that the mission that he sent Everett on had failed due to his status as a celebrity. Some people's intel sources are much more lacking than others.

"That's exactly what I was afraid of... He'll do something stupid and it'll blow up in the face of all of Atheistic Right and will start another invasion. Grah damnit. This was why we got rid of the Great Lion and all his cronies. It leaves me no option... I gotta send my own people in to make sure that Ralphy doesn't suceed."

Seconds later both people where on independent planes to Bazalonia. The man that Leon had selected went directly undercover as a representative of AFA but Ralphy himself went all over the place trying to cover his tracks with various passports he had hidden for himself. In the end both sucessfully had arrived in Bazalonia with the AFA representative having the first action.

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

WORLD CUP TONIGHT

With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated


"....and with only five matches left in qualification, Fr. John, the picture that the Lord wishes to develop in each group is beginning to clarify."

"Absolutely Fr. Nicholas - and while most of the nations doing well are fairly predictable, there have been a few surprises. Shall we take a moment to look at each group in turn?"

"I think we should, Fr. John. Let's look at group 1. Any thoughts?

Group 1 P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Schiavonia 9 8 0 1 30 5 +25 24
2 Estresse Intenso 9 6 3 0 9 3 +6 21
3 Rejistania 9 5 1 3 17 8 +9 16
4 Swilatia 9 4 2 3 14 10 +4 14
5 Bercktesgaden 9 3 2 4 14 19 −5 11
6 The Non-RPing n00b 9 2 0 7 6 19 −13 6 X
7 Nitrodymium 9 1 2 6 8 22 −14 5 X
8 Salkehachie 9 0 4 5 6 18 −12 4 X

"It pains me to say, Fr. Nicholas, that each of these nations are heathens and heretics. Word has emerged from Estresse Intenso of a new Orthodox team participating in their national league, so perhaps the lunatics and doctors of the Landau Institute are not utterly beyond salvation. But there's little need to dwell on the others, except that Rejistania are struggling rather more than anticipated. Group 2, Fr. Nicholas?"

Group 2 P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Sel Appa 9 8 1 0 22 8 +14 25
2 Milchama 9 8 1 0 26 5 +21 25
3 Yafor 2 9 5 1 3 15 7 +8 16
4 The Islands of Qutar 9 4 1 4 11 11 0 13
5 Kura-Pelland 9 4 0 5 12 13 −1 12
6 Keyne Island 9 2 1 6 6 18 −12 7 X
7 Fargess 9 2 1 6 11 17 −6 7 X
8 The Comrade Emirates 9 0 0 9 2 26 −24 0 E

"Well, Fr. John, we see Jews and heathen turtles dominating this group. I know you've been in some hot water over some comments you made regarding Judaism recently, but I for one support the Chief Rabbi of Milchama in his attempt to stamp out the vile Margaret cult. We pray that the Jews of Milchama will come to recognise the true Messiah, yes, but we'd rather they worship through their incomplete monotheistic revelation than turn to a cult of rubber chicken sacrificers. The teams fighting for the playoff spot are all heathens and heretics, and need not detain us. And talk us through Group 3, Fr. John..."

Group 3 P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Zwangzug 9 7 1 1 19 8 +11 22
2 Qazox 9 6 3 0 23 9 +14 21
3 Az-cz 9 6 2 1 24 7 +17 20
4 Cookesland 9 4 2 3 14 15 −1 14
5 Sorthern Northland 9 3 0 6 12 24 −12 9
6 Candelaria And Marquez 9 2 3 4 9 14 −5 9
7 Collonie 9 1 1 7 7 15 −8 4 E
8 Kedalfax 9 0 2 7 5 21 −16 2 E

"A terrifying group, this one, Fr. Nicholas. Anathemised soulless gnomes, worshippers of graven idols of black oxen, and other assorted heathens and heretics. Only Zwangzug, in whose reality there are ruins of Constantinople, seat of the Ecumenical Patriarchate, seems to hold out any hope of any Orthodox connection, however remote. It is sad to see Satan hold such strong power over a qualifying group. What about group 4?"

Group 4 P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Squornshelous 9 7 2 0 26 7 +19 23
2 Atheistic Right 9 6 1 2 22 10 +12 19
3 Fmjphoenix 9 6 1 2 14 6 +8 19
4 Kiryu-shi 9 4 3 2 11 11 0 15
5 Endmile 9 3 2 4 15 17 −2 11
6 Jeru FC 9 2 1 6 11 22 −11 7
7 Billopesha 9 1 2 6 8 14 −6 5
8 Homieville 9 1 0 8 4 24 −20 3 E


"All I need note here, Fr. John, is the name of the team currently holding down second. And the team in third apparently doesn't even exist anymore. Some years ago we held out hope that the Squornshelous national football team were 'fools for Christ', but that appears to have been an unfortunate misunderstanding. The forces of evil appear to have taken over Group 4. Is there any hope for Group 5?"

Group 5 P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Bettia 9 7 0 2 32 13 +19 21
2 Green wombat 9 6 2 1 21 8 +13 20
3 Bazalonia 9 6 0 3 17 8 +9 18
4 Spruitland 9 5 1 3 18 17 +1 16
5 TT Lake Side 9 3 0 6 7 14 −7 9
6 Dance 2 Revolution 9 2 3 4 14 17 −3 9
7 Kansiov 9 2 3 4 8 18 −10 9
8 Shackfold 9 0 1 8 5 27 −22 1 E


"Some hope, Fr. Nicholas, but not much. There is a strong - though minority - canonical Orthodox Church in Bazalonia, God be praised! But the Lord, in his infinite and unknowable wisdom, has seen fit to have them struggle in third at this point. And Bettia seem to be Muslims - which is better than Atheists or heathens, but not quite as good as heretics. Increasingly I despair over this cup."

Group 6 P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 The Holy Empire [AIF] 9 9 0 0 39 11 +28 27
2 Vilita 9 7 0 2 24 8 +16 21
3 Sativaville 9 6 0 3 18 18 0 18
4 Grotewohl 9 5 1 3 24 18 +6 16
5 British Londinium 9 3 1 5 10 16 −6 10
6 Ulzaxid 9 2 0 7 13 27 −14 6 X
7 Herchimer 9 1 1 7 7 22 −15 4 X
8 Limbrogidlia 9 1 1 7 3 18 −15 4 X


"Then perhaps Group 6 will cheer you up, Fr. John, for here the Holy Empire, seat of our ruling Patriarch of Alasdairopolis, is tearing a streak off every team in the group, scoring more than four goals a match in the process. They seem unstoppable and have the only remaining 100% record in the tournament. Here in the Archregimancy we are troubled at the presence of existentialists and nihilists in the squad, but I sense something.... something broader is afoot here. Time will tell. The other teams are pagans and heretics - in one case aliens - and need not trouble our thoughts. And Group 7?"

Group 7 P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Acapais 9 6 1 2 18 11 +7 19
2 Turori 9 5 3 1 21 10 +11 18
3 Ariddia 9 4 5 0 14 6 +8 17
4 Lovisa 9 5 1 3 14 12 +2 16
5 Vephrall 9 4 1 4 12 10 +2 13
6 New Montreal States 9 2 3 4 8 16 −8 9
7 Niosis 9 2 1 6 10 17 −7 7
8 ARealAdvance 9 0 1 8 4 19 −15 1 E

"Alas, Fr. Nicholas.... I weep for New Montreal States.... once the greatest Orthodox team in football, and now - lo, how the mighty have fallen. Otherwise, this is an extraordinarly tight group that may go down to the wire. My sympathies are with Ariddia, who may be undefeated, but are also really struggling to win matches. Despite the irreligiosity of the nation as a whole, we know from our own Fr. Innocent that individual Ariddians - indigenous ones at that - have seen the Light of the True Church, so with NMS doing so badly, they seem the least of several alternative evils. Lead us not into temptation, Fr. Nicholas, but rather into the Group 8 roundup...."

Group 8 P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Demot 9 8 1 0 30 10 +20 25
2 The HURD 9 6 2 1 18 8 +10 20
3 Oliverry 9 6 1 2 27 12 +15 19
4 Kristovenia 9 5 2 2 19 14 +5 17
5 Novapsolu 9 3 2 4 14 19 −5 11
6 Western Afghanistan 9 1 2 6 13 25 −12 5 X
7 Shmibabway 9 1 0 8 8 24 −16 3 E
8 The Canelandic Islands 9 0 2 7 6 23 −17 2 E

"Robots, Catholics, Muslims, and other assorted sinners, Fr. John. Nothing much to add to that except Kristovenia's surprising form and that extraordinary Demot - Western Afghanistan match. 7-4.... Who would have thought?"

Group 9 P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Jeruselem 9 7 1 1 18 5 +13 22
2 Northern Bettia 9 7 0 2 31 10 +21 21
3 Quakmybush 9 7 0 2 24 7 +17 21
4 St Samuel 9 5 1 3 15 10 +5 16
5 Patusan 9 3 2 4 13 17 −4 11
6 Planting 9 3 0 6 12 15 −3 9
7 Trumanistan 9 2 0 7 7 22 −15 6 E
8 Noirthemme 9 0 0 9 0 34 −34 0 E


"This, Fr. Nicholas, is the most Satan-led group since Group 3. The leading team is led by the Whore of Babylon herself, the evil wanton Dazza Dallas. The second team are notorious cheats supported by violent hooligans, and the only team with any chance of breaking into the top 3 consider themselves 'Crusaders'. The latter also besmirch the holy name of either the Martyr Samuel at Caesarea, the Prophet Samuel, or the Hierarch Samuel, Second Catholicos of Georgia. I haven't really decided which. Anyway, damnation seems the most likely outcome for the unrepentent sinners in this group. Is Group 10 any better?"

Group 10 P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Elves Security Forces 9 8 0 1 25 3 +22 24
2 Assegai Developments 9 6 1 2 18 7 +11 19
3 Tynelia 9 5 2 2 13 9 +4 17
4 Kampfers 9 3 4 2 10 11 −1 13
5 Aurendia 9 3 1 5 11 21 −10 10
6 Ad’ihan 9 2 2 5 13 16 −3 8
7 Tylero 9 2 1 6 4 18 −14 7
8 The Sons of a Monkey 9 0 3 6 6 15 −9 3 X

"Alas, only marginally, Fr John, for the group leaders appear to follow - according to your own analysis - a bizarre offshoot of Valentinian gnosticism. How sad, because otherwise they're running away with the group. Of the other teams, we know little, but assume them to be heathens and heretics until proven otherwise. So we should probably just move on..."

Group 11 P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 The Lowland Clans 9 7 1 1 28 8 +20 22
2 Bostopia 9 7 0 2 21 12 +9 21
3 Errinundera 9 6 1 2 27 4 +23 19
4 Bushes Been Quaked 9 5 0 4 9 8 +1 15
5 Rugiero 9 4 1 4 15 15 0 13
6 Abu Omar 9 3 0 6 11 21 −10 9
7 Thelema Abbey 9 1 1 7 6 22 −16 4 E
8 Kilmarnockshire 9 1 0 8 4 31 −27 3 E

"Group 11 is the brightest group in some time, Fr. Nicholas, for of the top three teams, one - the Lowland Clans - features an important Orthodox Church while another - Errinundera - has, despite a national tendency to Atheism, shown clear signs of a willingness of individuals to convert to Orthodoxy. Their commitment to social egalitarianism can also only be admired."

"I thought the conversion of that immelfar was mildly controversial, Fr. John?"

"I'm not allowed to talk about that. Ask the Patriarch. Anyway, that leaves just one group...."

Group 12 P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 The Archregimancy 9 6 3 0 17 5 +12 21
2 Wentland 9 5 4 0 14 4 +10 19
3 Daehanjeiguk 9 5 2 2 15 10 +5 17
4 Jasīʼyūn [CH] 9 5 1 3 18 11 +7 16
5 Jariss 9 3 4 2 9 6 +3 13
6 Bellzantium 9 2 1 6 11 15 −4 7
7 Cebumopolis 9 1 3 5 4 13 −9 6
8 Central Prestonia 9 0 0 9 3 27 −24 0 E

"...and you know what, Fr. Nicholas.... that group table leaves me worried."

"But why, Fr. John? We're first seeds, a top ten nation, undefeated, and leading the group. Surely this should be a cause for thanksgiving?"

"But what worries me, Fr. Nicholas, is that every time we're supposed to do well, we in fact do very badly indeed. If suffering is good for the soul, what can it mean when we barely suffer at all? My advice is for every football-supporting monk to REPENT before the entire campaign goes completely pear-shaped. Which it must, for if the history of Orthodoxy has taught us anything, it is that our greatest perils follow our greatest triumphs...."

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/qazox.png Qazox 6-1 Sorthern Northland http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/sorthern_northland.png

TV Presenter (IW) "Hello and welcome to the Sorthern Northland Football Show with me Isallea Wumbutu, I have Kevin Hugh with me here today to talk over Sorthern Northland 6-1 defeat to Qazox at Estadia Pika"

Kevin Hugh (KH) "Hi there everyone"

*A large section of the audience boos."

IW: "Kevin, lets get straight to the truth, we were shit today weren't we?"

KH: "Well no I wouldn't say that Isallea, we..

IW: "We lost 6-1 to Qazox Kevin."

KH: "Qazox are a good team."

IW: "Maybe but we still shouldn't lose 6-1 to them."

KH: "Yes but there are some positives to talk from this game."

IW: "Such as?"

KH: "We started well and scored early."

IW: "Oh excellent if only games lasted eleven minutes, then we would have won. Face it about from the first eleven minutes, we were shit, we didn't even have any shots in the seventy nine minutes following the goal. Or a corner, in fact I don't think any of our players set foot in the Qazox half after we scored."

KH: "I think your sensationalising it a bit to be honest Isallea"

IW: "No Kevin, I'm not we were shit today, and if we are to win our next game we will need to improve dramaticly and I don't think we can do that."

KH: "We can and we will"

IW: "Do you actually believe that though Kevin?"

KH: "Of course, if I didn't I wouldn't be in this job."

IW: "Well thanks for coming in Kevin, I'm afraid that's all we have time for tonight, the highlights from the game against Qazox have been cancelled as the production team couldn't find any highlights so SNTV will be showing the show 'Ten Steps To Being A Great Socialist' instead, goodnight."

<Advertisement running in English and French language International newspapers and web sites>

Football players! Yes, are you like a deer in headlights when International media stick cameras in your face and people ask you questions? Do you stutter, stammer and want to hide? When you are an International football player, you can't escape the media. You can try to hide but it hunts you down and attacks at any opportunity especially when you've done something stupid like spending the night with Dazza Dallas by accident?

JGN can help. Dazza Dallas, the woman who lives in a public spotlight, has volunteered to run a one week course to help football players handle the media. She will teach you how to step out in public and face the media in confidence. As the public face of Jeruselem football, she's done all a media person can do and has the experience of 8 World cups as well as many other cups as well as covering the Tour de Qazox cycling race. When we become famous, don't let the media hunt you down - use it to your advantage. Dazza Dallas will teach you how to handle unexpected situations, and how to turn a situation to your advantage.

For a minimal price of 5000 Shekels excluding travel, the week long course will help you survive the media scrum. No longer do you have to look like an idiot in public, face them with confidence. Fame and fortune have a price, but don't become a victim. Dazza will teach you how be a media friendly person and even allow you use the media to your means. The most scandalous person in Jeruselem is helping the footballers of the future, media skills are important - because we are the media of Jeruselem and profile is everything in the media. Make your media profile work for you.

Please apply for places on our web site at http://mediatraining.jgn.com.jew. The course will start two weeks after the end of the World Cup 36. There will two courses, one in English and other in French.

The course instructor is Dazza Dallas so staring at her all day isn't an issue.

Addy Reage, Kelly’s assistant manager, is going through her e-mail account (reagea@footballassociation.org.bp ooc: feel free to “e-mail her” by TGing me, I’ll reply to it in a RP (spam, asking for a date, autographs, anything really)…yes this does sound like something someone did before, but if you all copied the competitions thing I’ll copy that)

[Reage] Hey, Kelly, it looks like Dazza Dallas is holding a media course!

[Firth] Is she now? Nothing I’d like to know about I’m sure

Kelly went back to reading the “Daily Mail”.

[Reage] Wha- no, not THAT type of media. It’s for football players and how to help them cope with the media attention and stuff.

[Firth] Well, I suppose it could be useful. The boys still are rather young.

[Reage] Exactly! And because they’d all be about 18…apart from the keeper who’d be nearly 19, they’d all pay attention to Dazza one way or another. She’d have them wrapped around her-

[Firth] Don’t finish that sentence.

[Reage] – little finger…

[Firth] You know you weren’t going to say that.

[Reage] What else would I have said?

[Firth] I don’t want to think about it. Ok, reply back to the message telling them to expect a squad of 23 to turn up.

[Reage] Will do!...do you think Dazza’s ever had to deal with that many men in a short time before?

After the “non-human” row in recent weeks; the Candelarias' international reputation took a major blow last night after some of the worst rioting in the capital for a decade, Naomi Scott reports for Rushmore Independent News Association.

An un-registered protest march by up to 2000 members of the far-right Freedom Party degenerated into a series of running battles with baton-wielding police, the clashes continuing for over an hour. The National Police Authority confirmed that nearly three dozen of their officers had been injured, four seriously; while more than sixty protesters and innocent bystanders were wounded. Two, a 56-year old man and 31-year old woman, remain in a critical condition in the city's General Hospital. Police were not able to confirm last night if they had been part of the protest.

Freedom Party leaders said the march had been organised rapidly during the week, following the arrest of two Bettian-born Muslim men in Thompsontown, Albrecht on terror offences. Police had discovered large quantities of explosive material, as well as a number of terrorist 'training manuals' in Subhi Mahadeen and Owen Adjidarmo's bedsit after being called by concerned residents in the mostly Turkish neighbourhood they had lived in for the past six months. The announcement has dominated the C&M press for the last few days, with much criticism directed towards the country's long-standing Turkish community who have been accused of 'harbouring' wannabe terrorists in their midst. Practising Muslims make up about 2% of the C&M population.

Though march organisers claimed otherwise; it remains clear that it was timed to coincide with the Candelaria And Marquez national football team's key clash with Zwangzug. Protesters were heard to direct violent slogans towards Mamdooh Momtaz and Yasser Zaghloul, two outspoken Muslims in the C&M squad. Neither player started the game, though both appeared as second-half substitutes. The noise of the protest was clearly audible in the stadium throughout the first half.

Amid concerns over the safety of supporters; the small party of travelling Zwangzug fans were kept in the Millerman Sheppard Stadium for nearly three hours after the game, which ended in a 1-0 victory for the away side. They were later ushered onto hastily-arranged coaches and given a police escort to the Meissner Hotel being used by the travelling supporters, officials and playing squad.

C&M Minister for Sport Tatulya Samed, who is herself of partially Arab origin, condemned the violence on national television last night. She stressed however that it had not been connected to organised football hooliganism, and that the safety of players and officials had never been in question. As a result, she added, the government did not expect that any sanction from the World Cup's governing committee was in the offing. Despite her assertions of a lack of fan involvement, however, at least seven individuals amongst the home crowd were forcibly removed by stewards after complaints of ‘racially-aggravated chanting’.

David Wild, the parliamentary leader of the Association of Nationalist Parties coalition, of which the Freedom Party is a key component, also condemned those who had attacked police, but added that the media and authorities should reserve judgement on how guilt should be apportioned until CCTV footage of the incidents had been extensively reviewed. Speaking to TV1's Evening News he vociferously declined to condemn the march in general, stating that it was "the constitutional right of patriotic C&M citizens to engage in peaceful protests in opposition to successive governments’ disastrous immigration and integration policies". Wild is one of two ANP members of the House of Representatives; the party having polled 0.75% of the national vote in the 2004 elections.

Other concerned parties, including the FAs of C&M and Zwangzug, and the World Cup Committee have yet to comment on the violence surrounding the game.

The result of the game means Candelaria And Marquez’ World Cup campaign is essentially over, with the team left in sixth place. The more experienced away side dominated much of the play, forcing a long series of excellent saves from man-of-the-match goalkeeper Reuben Uwakwe. Steven Fritz, Rex Sandtrom and a lively Speed Wang found half-chances for the Big Blues, but Zwangzug were able to comfortably hold-out until an eightieth-minute tap-in from Phillip Stings broke home fans’ hearts.

Hippos Show Signs of Life At Last

Today Tynelia's Hippos managed to stir from their sloth like performances of the last four matches with a comfortable 3-0 win over the Sons of a Monkey on a Tina Conroy hattrick, her second of the tourney. However the team remains in third and few here in Tynelia are overly impressed with the beating of the last place team in the group.

"Maybe if we can at least beat Kampfers or something, you know, some team actually in the top half of the group, then i might buy this. I'm sure its just another false sign of hope for us long suffering plans." said one fan Jim Kendericks we interviewed after the game. "Maybe the team should try some of this religious stuff i keep hearing about. I mean those teams are doing real good, especially those Othydoxic ones, i think they're called. Maybe i should join them and pray to...um whatever it is they pray to, for some help for our poor suffering soccer team. Hey that's a good idea."

Like Mr. Kendericks, most critics feel the team has yet to show their true form, if they can even muster it in these qualifiers. However most have yet to try religion out as an answer to the problem. A better indication of the team's apparent revival will be coming shortly as the team goes on the road to face Kampfers, a team that managed a 1-1 tie in our first meeting in Tynelia. A win here for the Hippos and perhaps people will begin to rally around the team once more.

Amda-Mo: That's a better showing, with the team rebounding 4-0 tonight winning easily over Collonie.

Lur-Mn: Yes it was. We need to keep that kind of play up. Who knows if we can do it? This hasn't been one of our better sides, at least not up till now. Also that's not a lineup we're likely to see again, what with all of the retiring players out of the lineup.

Amda-Mo: Were you suprised by that?

Lur-Mn: Of course, but when you think about it it's not such a crazy move. Gn-Lg could do with a game off as could Nerazzurri. Hopefully it will have given them a chance to recuperate and come back fresh next game against Sorthern Northland.

Amda-Mo: Before getting to that game let's talk about today's game. How did we get four goals without Pizelkaxrovsky?

Lur-Mn: Well just having a lightning rod striker really helped. He drew their attention especially after blazing a shot off the crossbar in the 8th minute. That freed up the runs for Kn-Dg, Levesuqe and Ho-Lee Chung. Also Ip-Gp looked more comfortable without Pizelkaxrovsky around. Not to say we're better without Pizelkaxrovsky. We aren't. Just that it worked well today.

Amda-Mo: Do you think this will push the team to a different formation?

Lur-Mn: Who knows. I doubt it. On talent we've got our best 11 on the pitch. I don't think Zax-Im will change formations this late in the cup to bring on a less talented player.

Amda-Mo: Fair enough. Now let's get to Sorthern Northland. Thoughts?

Lur-Mn: Sorthern Northland was the first time we really played well this cup. They're youthful energy couldn't match our experience. While they've improved throughout the cup I still think we ought to win fairly easily. But I have high expectations which this team isn't living up to.

Amda-Mo: Like always, how about the rest of the group and the world?

Lur-Mn: I think you've heard me say before that the group played to form, but that's the case again today. As for the rest of the world, much more madness abounded, starting with the huge upset of Elves Security Forces falling to Tylero in Elves Security Forces. Who knows what happened but the Elves suffered a serious power outage. It's probably just a blip, but still a bizarre result. Similarly both Jeruselem and Quakmybush suffered stunning losses. Jeruselem cause there opponent was Trumanistan and Quakmybush not cause losing to Northern Bettia is bad, but getting pummeled 4-1 is. Then there's Ariddia and their amazing FIFTH draw. It's a grotesque kind of impressive that they can straddle the line so finely without giving up any losses.

Amda-Mo: Indeed.

Lur-Mn: Still as they showed last cup not losing is often enough. They drew often in qualification, twice in the group stage but didn't lose until the finals.

Amda-Mo: With today's crazy results how does the top six break down now?

Lur-Mn:

6. Squornshelous

After being held for the second time in their first four matches the Psychos seemed to be struggling along. And in a group where the other big name is the former power Fmjphoenix there wasn't a lot of opportunity to make noise. But five consecutive wins has seen them move up quite nicely. Just because we forgot about them doesn't mean they're not playing good football.

5. Schiavonia

Similarly with the top teams all being so locked in it was hard for teams to really move up but Schiavonia had been playing well since the Estresse Intenso loss. Coupled with some struggles for the offensively challenged Estresse Intenso team they've moved three points clear in that group. That one loss is the only game they've failed to earn the full three points in.

4. Demot

Like the two teams below them they've slowly moved up outside the glare of the top six but have played well. Their opening day win over Oliverry was quite impressive but after they were held by Western Afghanistan on the next match day they kind of languished in the shadows. But with another win over Oliverry and an impressive thrashing of Western Afghanistan to get their revenge our friends and rivals have served notice that they're still part of the elite.

3. Sel Appa

No one doubted that the Turtles were a good team, but I don't think most expected them to be quite as consistent as they are. Seeing the way a lot of good teams are giving up considerable points the Turtles have been a very solid side. Seems strange to say that that is enough to get you to the #3 team, but it is, at least this cup.

2. Milchama

Much like the Turtles below them they've been quite consistent. However they've had a bit more flash to go with their consistency and as such are ranked above the Turtles. With the two teams meeting again on match day 10 we'll no longer have to separate them by style points next time we talk.

1. Alasdair I Frosticus

An absolutely blistering attack makes up for their good, but not great defense. They just run, or maybe talk, their opponents into the ground. Any team that can average more than 4 goals a game is doing something right. And of course their margin of victory is more than three goals a game. Only Schiavonia comes close in either category. Truly the world's best right now.

Amda-Mo: The Elves fall from the top spot all the way out of the list?

Lur-Mn: Yeah. Losing at home to Tylero is bad. And as you saw there were a number of good teams lying in wait. Still if they can turn the switch back on they'll climb back into the top six soon enough.

Amda-Mo: Well we're not looking for top six, just qualification. Here's hoping we find another three points against Sorthern Northland.
2. Milchama

1. Alasdair I Frosticus

Meanwhile in Bola Mine (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Bola_Mine).

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/BolaMineTimes.png

CONAN CONQUERS ALL

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/aryre2.png
aryayre shows his determination

Despite a couple of defeats in the last month and the loss of their stadium while it undergoes major repairs Bola Mine is having its best ever season in the Premier League. Since the call-up of aryayre, breretond and ipieomenico to the national squad the Hawks have slipped to second place on the table – still far higher than any previous season. Team mates are unanimous when they say that “Conan the Barbarian”, as aryayre is nicknamed, is the player they miss the most.

Captain of the Hawks, matthewl, is effusive in his praise of the defender. “He’s built like Hercules so opponents aren’t going to mess with him. He’s also got that wild streak that has forwards looking out for him which, of course, puts them off just enough to give him the edge. But aryre is no dumb piece of smoked tofu. He’s one of the canniest and most skilful players I’ve ever seen. No wonder the only games he’s missed in World Cup qualifying have been from his red card when he decked Usama Salam in the opening match against Abu Omar.”

Potoroo goalkeeper-captain onito is deservedly revered for her frequent shut-outs, including yesterday’s nil-all draw against Thelema Abbey but critics and fans alike have commented that onito’s fine record is assisted, in no small part, by the superb performances of her defenders, especially “Conan”. She is happy to share the credit. “People look at Errinundera’s record of shut-outs in the last two qualifying series and think that I must be a good keeper. But when you ask who is responsible then it gets far more complicated. If you look at how many shots on goal I face compared with other keepers you see that I’m not under the same pressure. My defenders and midfielders are making my job easy. Having someone like aryayre in the team gives everyone, myself included, a lot of confidence.”

People have also noted how the national team has a new approach to the game this Cup. There is no disputing that aryayre and his Bola Mine team mates, each in the squad for the first time, have been the key to this change. “These three young blokes have brought a whole new excitement to the team,” says EFA convenor imonedebouvoi. “The Potoroos have always been noted for their speed, skill and enthusiasm but sometimes they have had an undeserved reputation for softness. No-one is saying that now. We’ve had more red cards this qualifying series than in all the others since I’ve been convenor put together.” There has been an unexpected bonus from the prominence of these three young men. “Football has been seen as a girl’s game by many blokes in Errinundera – witness how women have dominated the sport in recent years. Thanks to these blokes we have had a record increase in the number of boys joining junior clubs.”

We sought the opinion of noted sociologist, indbende, from the University of First Creek Falls. “There’s always been something different about people from the Goolengook province. Have you noticed that our horror movies are always set there? And, despite being a political backwater, how so many of our most revered revolutionaries come from there? It’s as if the darker, questioning side of our nature, that we like to think is safely tied down, is somehow given flight in Goolengook. But even by that province's standards Bola Mine is an oddity. It has a wild, frontier town reputation, going way back to when the Bola Mine Hotel was burnt down in the gold rush days. Your newspaper is part of that reputation. “Wasn’t your first owner, come editor, jailed for sedition?” Indeed. “So it’s kind of apt that the increase in violence throughout Errinundera is mirrored by the rise of your football team and its stars.”

Bootstudder for the national team, alockett, has a different view on aryre. “He is one of the nicest people on the team. Nothing is too much trouble for him. Mark my word, he’s got leadership material stamped all over him.”

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Thelema_Abbey.png
Thelema Abbey 0

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Errinundera.png
Errinundera 0

Errinundera's WC36 scorers:
5 breretond
5 immelfar
4 scerberu
4 snaporoo
3 avilmou
2 froesu
1 agloir
1 onito
1 otemki
1 oovaroo

MD10 RP cutoff

MD10 scores (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12928037&postcount=13)

(OOC: I know that this won't count for MD10, but anyway this is my RP)

In a football game inside the Landau Institute

DR.LANDAU - "Hello Paulo, how are things going? You're working as I asked?"

BR.PAULO - "Yes, boss, I am. I am watching the football game between the Nutritionists and the Gynecologists, waiting to see if I find a person that received the gift of ability in football from the divine God."

DR.LANDAU - "You sound strange, Paulo. When I met you, you were one of the best surgeons of the Institute."

BR.PAULO - "Life changes us, and it's never late to abandon our vile practices and ask the forgiveness of the true God. Last week, I met the leader of the Institute Monastery. He showed to me that my life was full of sin. He opened my eyes, and I could finally see that I was following the wrong path, abandoning the one that I should love. Now, I'm returning to the right path, the path of goodness, of faith and love for God."

DR.LANDAU - "You converted! I can't believe this!"

BR.PAULO - "Yes. You should too, embrace and worship the true divinity, abandon you faith for the physical treatments and begin to believe in the good effects of our prayer."

DR.LANDAU - "Sorry Paulo, but I can't do that. Instead, why you don't tell me about the teams?"

BR.PAULO - (disappointed) "Okay, boss. Both teams are horrible, they simply can't play good football. Maybe it's a punishment for their evil practices. The Nutritionists are the worst team of the tournament, and I can't see a good player in their roster. The Gynecologists have a good goalkeeper, called Doctor Garcia, but I wouldn't trust in such a heretic player, who invades the intimacy of the female patients... oh, this is something that I can't even think about. Oh, God, please make your word come to him, he needs to convert before it's too late."

DR.LANDAU - (watching the game) "Yes, it really seems that these teams are really bad, they can't attack well. That's why the game is still goalless. But thanks for your efforts, doctor... I mean, brother. We'll continue the search for new talents inside our football league."

BR.PAULO - "Thanks, boss. Maybe one day you will understand that this heretic life in medicine is not the right way to live. Well, it's time for our prayer. Let's return to the monastery.

This article is found in the middle of the paper, hidden in a corner surrounded by advertisements.

0-4 Loss by FLoG
Diawsam
Grotewohl Assiciated Press

In FLoG's most recent game, they lost 0-4. The Vilita team seemed to have had FLoG's number. In an early strike of the game, Qak found himself handed a red card and removed from the game. The Vilitians took advantage and pushed four goals in.

In an interview with Wen, he stated nothing of this game and mentioned only that he was going to try something new in the next game.

May the Football League of Grotewohl continue in the favor of the gods.

Diawsam the Seer

Football Match Turns Into Philosophical Argument
Diawsam
Grotewohl Associated Press

Today was an interesting turn of events as the match started with Wen starting a conversation with the opposing team. Soon enough, all the players had gathered to the center of the field and had some sort of argument that I could not hear from the stands. Even during half time, the arguments continued. 10 minutes into the match, G.P. was given a red card and ejected from the game for pushing a Holy Empire player. I can only assume they disagreed in what was said. Later, 30 minutes into the second half, Auq was also ejected for pushing a Holy Empire player.

The fans from Endmile seemed very outraged at this turn of events. Since this game was held in the Arbeider Arena in the USSE, they expected a football match not a philosophical debate.

In the end the whistle was blown and the FLoG players seemed dismayed. I got a chance to talk to Wen after the game, and found out his strategy.

"We had discovered that the Holy Empire team thought this was a philosophical debate tournament, so we decided to distract them with a debate, then score a goal. Unfortunately, our team and I got too much into the debate and lost track of the game time. Once the whistle was blown, we remembered that we were here for Football. It was an unfortunate turn of events, but on the brightside I have learned a few things about Nihilism."

After this draw of a game, FLoG remains in fourth place. Hopefully any plans laid out in the future complete the way intended and FLoG can defeat the rest of the teams in the tournament. Most noticeably Sativaville who have found themselves in third place.

May the Football League of Grotewohl continue in the favor of the gods.

Diawsam the Seer

"...and with the group lead for the next few matchdays potentially at stake, we're under way."

"A bright, clear day, good football weather. With no wind to be much of an influence, we should be in for some exciting action..."

"...Toralba will overtake Barnes, and ooh-he's got the ball there, sets up for the pass, over to Fry, who maneuvers past the defense and-Goal for Qazox. An offensive side, the leaders in this nineteenth minute, who've drawn some attention for their name change: what do you think of the new mascot?"

"Um, inaccurate?"

"How so? Play restarting now, one-nil."

"Well, it implies that they're rising from the ashes...but of what?"

"Hanson clearing it and passing forward-sorry, come again? It's not the phoenix, it goes e-o. How would you pronounce that?"

"I wouldn't. Grunder heads it and Revee will retrieve the ball in midfield..."

"...A fatigued squad chases after Holden's shot, which went far wide, while attempting to at least equalize, salvaging one point from this home match."

"A feat which is looking increasingly unlikely."

"But the boredom induced by this match gives us an opportunity to denounce the atrocious rioting of Candelaria and Marquez extremists."

"Oh. Um. Yep. Atrocities are bad. Ignorant racist chaos is too."

"Though it's not exactly like there's a football association to be concerned about the violence."

"Well, it's like there is one. If you count half the voice of a defunct organization as being like one."

"You're the mathematician..."

"...the fourth 1-0 game in 5 matchdays, but this a loss for Zwangzug, who drops to third place. It'll be a close race to the finish here."

Amda-Mo: Well we're back in the top two with a 3-0 win over Sorthern Northland. Following up on the beautiful testimonial match win over Bazalonia and the Az-cz national choir's win over the Bettia national choir, the mood has brightened considerably in Az-cz.

Lur-Mn: It has and it hasn't. Clearly we've stepped up and played better. But there's still far too much left to feel safe. We're only 1 point ahead of Zwangzug at this point and still behind Qazox so there's no rest.

Amda-Mo: A second consecutive shutout is nice.

Lur-Mn: Yes, those have been few and far between this time around. Still we'd like to find one against a bigger named opponent. The defense played well but shutting out Sorthern Northland isn't the biggest thing in the world, no offense.

Amda-Mo: And the offensive side?

Lur-Mn: Ip-Gp played very well again. And EE-Or seems to have settled in to his role as a key sub off the bench chipping in the third goal in the 77th. So that's also looking up.

Amda-Mo: Looking at the other group matches what are your thoughts?

Lur-Mn: Qazox's win over Zwangzug suprised me. I thought that Zwangzug would get revenge, but Qazox finished the sweep. That definitely puts them in the drivers seat here till the end. Really it's just the three team race at this point, which we can make official if we beat Cookesland, our next opponent.

Amda-Mo: Can we do it?

Lur-Mn: Of course we can do it. Will we do it is a different question, but I think the answer is still yes. We ought to do it and I think and hope the team is through with it's run of bad play. Cookesland is good, but not a team that should be able to challenge us.

Amda-Mo: Looking to the rest of the world what are your thoughts?

Lur-Mn: I want to know what's wrong with Ariddia, who lost at home to Turori. They're really struggling along. At this point they sit outside even a playoff spot. I still think they'll right the ship, but they need to get focused quick.

Amda-Mo: Anything else?

Lur-Mn: No more perfect teams as the Holy Empire was held by Grotewohl and Bazalonia is in trouble after a draw as well. They were held by Dance 2 Revolution and like Ariddia currently sits outside the playoffs. I think they'll recover as well, but it does drive home the point that these playoffs will be chocked full of good teams.

Amda-Mo: Unfortunately that's all the time we've got for tonight. We hope everyone enjoys the upcoming presentation of the Kleptodance semifinals.

Dazza Dallas standing wearing a shirt with
"Revelation 17:16
And the ten horns which thou sawest upon the beast, these shall hate the whore, and shall make her desolate and naked, and shall eat her flesh, and burn her with fire."

Dazza:
Hello! It's the Whore of Babylon, Jeruselem biggest banana, The Village Bike, The Goddess or just plain old Dazza Dallas here. Just call me Dazza. I'm giving Dinkie and Kate a bit of a rest because they are actually football players instead of lazy coaches like me. Yes, this is THE FOOTBALL LIFE. It's match day 10! Hey, you like me shirt?

(smiles)

Some monks think I am the Whore of Babylon, just because I'm born in the Holy Land, sleep with everyone, fornicate everywhere, have lots of money, own half of Jeruselem and more. Eh, I'm not evil - I'm just err too friendly.

(smiles again)

Anyway, people saw me in Qazox with THE SCOUT. I didn't do anything this time. I talked crap, talked legal matters and signed some documents. We had lunch and well, that's it - then I had fly home. He's such a great man, he's the best football talent scount around. I wish he worked for us but he's loyal to his nation. Yes, he's really cute too - lucky wife.

Well, now for the football! As you all know, we lost away last game and them ratbags chasing us reduced our group lead. So, can the Whore's team bounce back? Let's start with the boring stuff like Bettia beating Shackfold FIVE ONE in Group 5 and Jeru FC losing to Endmile in Group 4, ONE FOUR. Jeruselem beat Endmile FOUR ONE in a friendly, so it's revenge on our little team.

(shakes hair)

Eh, where was I? Now - Group 3. Qazox played Zwangzug for the second time, and the Pheonix rose like a err Phoenix does. Qazox beat Zwangzug ONE NIL! Yes, I think this Qazox team is best ever and might make the second round. Yes, I think this name change has been good for Qazox. It's fantastic they are doing well.

Now, to my homeland Ariddia ... they are doing crap. Turori beat then ONE NIL. Yes, they LOST a a game. Oh dear! It's a tragedy, they might not even make the finals. With Bettia and Jeruselem in their usual place on top of their group, Ariddia are 4th! Only four points off the lead but you know - can our Frenchies do it? Come on Ariddia, stand up and throw that white flag away. Dazza Dallas wants you to be in the finals because well, she's got a bit of Ariddia in her and well she wants Jeruselem and Ariddia to do well.

Group 9 and no surprises. None, zip, ditto, non! Patusan ate n00bish Noirthemme TWO NIL confirming Noirthemme are the worst team in this group. So another lunch snack for Patusan. Fellow Crusaders St Samuel crashed to the Fire Ants from Northern Bettia AGAIN, and it was another bad day for our counterparts. THREE ONE to the Gogs and well, they are still hanging in there behind the Quaks. Trumanistan after beating us, went back to old habits getting run over by Quakmybush FOUR NIL. The problem with these n00by teams is they can't string together wins, but they can string a whole bunch of losses together. AND finally

Jeruselem uprooted Planting ONE NIL. Yes, not quite uprooting but more like digging but it leaves us on top. OK, I didn't actually play our best team today - I've saving them for the big game. We travel to Quakmybush on an away trip. We cannot lose this game as we need to beat the Quaks as we fully expect the Fire Ants to win their next game. If we win, put distance between us and the others. A loss puts us back to 3rd place which is not where we want to be. Remember, match day 14 - the Fire Ants play us at home. Now, we need all the points now before that game. So, it's really important we beat the Quaks as much as I like them.

YAP YAP! Media training! The entire Bostopia team booked in! So there will be THREE courses. One for the Bostopian World Cup team and the other two. That's alright, keep booking! I doing a service to all the footballers out there who need a little help when the media stick cameras in their face. You see. I can stand here naked smile and talk and - well it doesn't bother me. Other people just see a camera and try to run. I'm going to change that, I want footballers to be able stand up and face with confidence.

That's it, Sur ton velo! See you all in Quakmybush. Yes, don't quak my bush ... you have to ask first.

Kate Bush: Hello Dazza?
Jacinta: Bushy! Bushy! It's me Jacinta Dallas.
Kate Bush: Mum there?
Jacinta: No, she's asleep.

Kate Bush: That's alright, I'll ring her later when she's awake.
Jacinta: I'll take a message!
Kate Bush: Well, is Dazza taking on Jeru FC for that training course?
Jacinta: Don't know Bushy

Kate Bush: Actually, don't bother. I don't think the army will pay for it anyway.
Jacinta: Aw ...
Kate Bush: You're well trained.
Jacinta: We Dallas girls like to talk, a lot!

Kate Bush: Well, how's school Jacinta.
Jacinta: It's fun. You learn stuff.
Kate Bush: So you should,. You behaving yourself?
Jacinta: What's that?

Kate Bush: You are a real Dallas. Never mind, I'll ring later.
Jacinta: Mum's buying me a new bicycle - a big red fast one.
Kate Bush: You be careful, you can hurt yourself.
Jacinta: Jacinta likes going fast. Really fast.

THE MACHINE - "Another victory... how it feels good!"

PROF.ALINE - "Do you have feelings, coach?"

THE MACHINE - "Of course I do. I am an advanced and modern machine, although my stove figure seems old-fashioned. I have an artificial system of feelings, and the pleasure after winning a game is one of the strongest ones."

PROF.VARELA - "We are really in good form. I can't see us not qualifying, we are too in front of our opponents."

DR.MATOSO - "Yes, we still didn't lose a single game!"

THE MACHINE - "Yes, the team is playing well, but we need to stay focused in our next games, so we will keep our good form. Just continue following my orders and you'll see that we'll continue winning."

DR.SABIN - "Yes, coach. You know, I must tell you something. When we met you for the first time, it seemed that you were a difficult coach to talk to, too arrogant. Most of us didn't like you."

THE MACHINE - "I know..."

DR.SABIN - "But now... we know you more, we know that you are a good machine, you have feelings too, you want the best for us, and like us."

THE MACHINE - "Of course I like you! I had to make what I did to make this team win games. But I was created especially to be a good coach, and you are like a family for me."

PROF.RODRIGUES - "You already became part of our family, coach."

THE MACHINE - "Really? It's really nice to hear it, I think that I'll cry..."

(The Machine stands quiet, as there is no place from where the tears can exit)

THE MACHINE - "No time for this family meeting. Let's get back to work."

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/the%20archregimancy.pngThe Archregimancy || 3 - 2 || Daehanjeigukhttp://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/daehanjeiguk.png

Another loss sets back hopes, but hopes still high!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/media/images/38097000/jpg/_38097718_newmalden_koreafan_pa.jpg

It was a disappointing but well-fought loss in the Dreamed Realm, as the Imperial Team struck out a loss against the top team in the group. The loss was only made better by the team's persistence to find the equalizer late in the game, and it forced the opponents to in fact earn this victory from a determined Han side.

Head Coach Cha Beomgeun and the players were not available for contact during their sojourn to the Dreamed Realm, but are nonetheless expected to return in time to prepare against an equally strong Wentland team at home. As MBC news personnel go on vacation, we do anticipate that the international version of these stories will go unnoticed, while a weary public will continue to watch these matches with increasing anxiety - will the Imperial Team make its berth into the World Cup this year?

Summary of Events:
Not available, pending return of Team

New Qazian Press

Pheonix Finally in First

The 1-0 win, coupled with the 2-1 win earlier in qualifing, avenges the two losses suffered at the feet of Zwangzug 8 years ago. Yancy fry had the lone goal in the 19th minute in a match that saw the mid-field play dominate the eniter match.

The win moves the Pheonix into first place in Group 3, 1 Point ahead of Az-cz and now 2 points in front of Zwangzug. Based on the tie-breakers for these qualifers, Qazox would advance over Zwangug is they somehow finished level on points.

Up next is a home match vs. Kedalfax @ Champions Field in Qazox City, There are still seats availible. A win would just about clinch, at mininum a playoff berth for Qazox.


Match Summary:
19': Goal (QZX) Yancy Fry

Shots:
Zwangzug: 8
Qazox: 7

Corners:
Zwangzug: 6
Qazox: 5

FOULS:
Zwangzug: 4
Qazox: 4

Inside the Flaggon Dragon

<TV announcer:.. And Kogan with anoither brilliant save keeps the blank sheet going and it's over! Javier Kogan with a shut-out of Limbrogidlia, which knocks them out of the competition, Limbrogidlia, not us. and the Potheads stay 3 points behind Vilita for the final direct spot.
Goals scored by: Lonnie Dejohn 42', and 60' and by Neil Verge in the 88th, who was subbed in for Kelly Furfaro who came up lame after a hard tackle to his knee. X-Rays are negative, but he may sit out the next match.

Speaking of which, the next match is Herchimer at home. Herchimer is almost as bad as Limbrogidlia, so another big win is expected.

For STV, this has been Brian Stewart.>

Mayor Cremit: Son of a Bitch, He pulled it off.

Police Chief Danner: WHoooooo!!!!!! 15 million WS! I could kiss you.

Bartender: Uhhh, please don't.

Cremit: I still can't believe it. You're not here for 3 matches, and we lose a bunch then you come back and we win.. Something just don't seem right.

Bartender: What are you saying?

Danner: Don't worry about him, he's just a little paranoid. So what should we do for the next match?

Cremit: I say go for the over of 3.5 goals.

Bartender: Sounds good to me. How Much? The line is 4 to 1 on the over.

Cremit: 3 million WS. that way we still got enough for the later matches.

The Daily Quak
Sharks Shut Out Trumanistan

The Quakmybush National Soccer Team continued their impressive World Cup 36 qualifying run with a four to nil blanking of Trumanistan. The Sharks played pretty much their regular lineup in preparation for Jeruselem. The Sharks got out to an early lead when Jon Fields made a wonderful pass to Cory Sorley who chipped it past the diving keeper. 1-0 Quakmybush. Then a another Quakmybush goal was scored when Clifford Baker let one fly from the top of the box that picked the top left corner, 2-0 Quakmybush. That was the score going into half. The next half started well when Jon Fields notches another goal when he chipped one in from the left side, making it a 3-0 Quakmybush lead. Then the final nail in the coffin occurred when Matthew Graves found himself all alone in the 18 yard box, with enough time to break out a guitar solo, and put it into the net, making it a 4-0 game. That was the final score.

Quakmybush - 4
Sorley 11' Baker 34' Fields 61' Graves 74'

Trumanistan - 0
NONE


The Sharks will next play in what could be a make or break game. They will take on Jeruselem, in Quakmybush, at the 201,000 capacity Xed City Stadium. If they win this game, they would get back into an auto qualification spot. If they lose, they will slip further back into third, and have to play their way in the cup. So, come out and support the Sharks at Xed City Stadium.

Goal Scorers
Fields - 9
Sorley - 5
Baker, Graves - 3
Bricking, Plett, Graves, Manu, Carroll, Jenkins, Bandino, Ralegigh, Tertes - 1


Lineup vs Jeruselem (Xed City Stadium)
GK: Brooks
DEF: Gait, Hughes, Valez, Manu
MID: Bricking, Fields
FOR: Graves, Sorley, Baker, Martin

Three fightingly defensive draws saw Wentland consolidate a precarious second place in the group.

However, the population at large did not learn of this. The transport drivers' strike in protest at adding the words "Give Way" to the give way signs was in its seventh week and the newspapers were stuck in depots throughout Wentland. There was some hope of a breakthrough, but when Minister of Transport Oliver Lint said he hoped both sides would give way Union leader Arthur Loaph accused him of "taking the piss".

"...but surely this is cheating, Jean Christophe?"

"Not at all, Jean Claude - I for one thought these Grotewohl barbarians were really rather clever. Once realising that their inferior barbaric philosophies could not compete with our surperior existentialism and nihilism, then standing in the centre circle while reading out an entire postgraduate thesis titled Practical Applications of Shamanistic Philosophies in Traditional Barbarian Societies - A Grotewohl Case Study was most intelligent. They simply stood there reading from the thesis, and were were unable to respond in any way over the course of the 90 minutes."

"Except for a couple of minor arguments along the margins."

"Well yes, Jean Claude... These G.P. and Auq characters obviously believe their insignificant and pointless beliefs with great, how do you say, passion. But pushing over Jean Albert and Jean Gaultier was most uncalled for."

"But why did the referee not award us the debate by forfeit? Surely not permitting us to get an official word in - those subsidiary arguments notwithstanding - is cheating. Surely we should have been awarded the debate for these unconscionable Grotewohl stalling tactics?"

"I do not know, Jean Claude. Perhaps they do things differently in Endmile. Perhaps the referee was concerned about crowd outrage. It is not for me to speculate. They have chosen their actions in order to provide their pitiful little lives with meaning. I choose mine. And my actions suggest that we move on from this most farcical episode."

THE MONASTIC TIMES

DAEHANJEIGUK LOST IN TRANSIT
Brave Heathens, Heretics Last Seen Entering Reality Portal

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

Concerns were growing for the Daehanjeiguk national football team this morning as news filtered back to the Archregimancy that the brave heretics and heathens of the Celestial Empire - who impressed many a neutral in their 3-2 loss at the Grand Lavra last night - had failed to return home after leaving the Archregimancy.

"Usually a team passing through a portal to Ordinary Reality arrives home instantaneously" said a senior archimandrite, speaking on condition of anonymity, so we're not sure why they haven't made it home yet. We urge Daehanjeiguk officials to contact us if the squad haven't returned in the next 10 hours - if they're caught in a Dream Eddy, God knows where they might end up. We're holding out hope that they merely took a wrong turn and ended up in the wrong reality - maybe they simply ended up in Bazalonia or some such by mistake."

Despite monastic concern for the immortal souls of much of the Daehanjeiguk national squad, most observers at the match were impressed by the never-give-up attitude of the Celestial Empire's team. Despite falling behind 2-0 and 3-1 over the course of the match, the visitors continued to press forward, and only a 90th minute reflex save from the Archregimancy's anonymous goalkeeper saved home blushes after the visitors had pulled back to 3-2. So impressed were Archregimancy officials with the visitors' performance that the Monastic Football Association launced a concerted effort to convert the entire Daehanjeiguk squad to Orthodoxy after the match. It remains impossible, however, to state whether this missionary appeal had any success until authorities manage to relocate the missing Daehanjeiguk squad.

“Hello everyone and welcome back to Tynelian Soccer Weekly’s continuing coverage of the World Cup 36 qualifiers. I’m your hostess Dinah Miller along with Amy Wentworth. After bring some hope to the faithful everyone’s favorite Hippos returned to their plodding ways with yet another draw with Kampfers, this time 0-0. A second chance to make some ground up on the fourth seed goes to waste. Only the Assegai Developments shocking loss to the Sons of a Monkey keeps Tynelia in striking distance for the automatic qualifying spot.”

“It was very disappointing Dinah. I thought that just maybe the team was working its way out of their midpoint blahs only to have this happen. You know, that puts the team at a paltry 1-3-2 record against the other top four teams in the group. The only saving grace is that the team has been able to win against the bottom third of the draw to keep their hopes alive.”

“But they have to play better if they plan to do anything in the long run. This sort of play will just lead to a quick exit, if they can get out of the playoffs, which is no guarantee judging by the teams also in the mix right now for the playoff spot.”

“Tynelian fans just have to hope they are pulling an Arridia, stumble through the qualifiers before turning it around in the Cup proper. Then…”

“Wait a second Amy, it sounds like we’re going to cut away to a live event outside the presidential Coliseum. Apparently a group of robed protestors have begun giving speeches about the team. let’s see what we have there.”

<cutaway to a group of six people wearing monkly robes carryings signs “God will help us score.” And “Faith shall net us wins.” Pedestrians however are walking by giving the group a large berth while otherwise ignoring them>

Monk_01: And so I say we must seek out this God and offer him humble bribes of worship on behalf of the team and prayer that he may bless them as a sign of his approval of our tribute. But we can not do this alone my friends. The New Othydoxic Christian Church of Reborn Othydoxy needs your help. Let your voices join with ours to beseech the Lord to help our team as he has helped so many others.

Other monks: Praise to thee O Lord of the sacred scores!

Monk_01: Indeed, Praise to thee, let not those here who turn a blind eye to your acts and generosity turn thy heart to stone towards us. Is it not said in that book of yours that you shall treat others as you wish them to be treated? And do to others what you want them to do to you? Our team does not wish to score a lot, so let our opponents seek the same in our matches. Then if our humility on the field pleases thee grant us a win as a sign that we are on the right path.

Other monks: Grant us a sign of victory O Lord!

Monk_01: As that ancient ruler said “in this symbol shall I triumph.” Let the Hippo be thy symbol, most humble and peaceful of creatures and through you shall the Hippo be triumphant!

Other monks: For the sign of the Hippo is thy sign O Lord!

<at this point the police arrive as does, some distance away, an unmarked vehicle where three black suited sunglasses wearing individuals step out and study the scene silently as the police try to get the demonstrators to move. Some yelling takes place before the monks begin to move away still shouting their slogans>

Sunglasses wearing individual_01: Agent Smith? This is Agent Smith. We may have a situation here…

<meanwhile back at the studio>

“Wow I never saw anything like that before Amy. People trying religion to help the team win matches. I’m no expert or anything on religion but I would think God would have better things to do with his time than fix soccer matches.”

“Desperate times Dinah. Though I think these guys need a little help with their whole idea here. Did you see those monks robes? Did they think they were the Archregimancy or something?”

“I did like the name though, something to really fill out a leaflet. But anyway, back to the regular show and now we’re up to #6 on the all time Tynelian greatest soccer moments. And this one is near and dear to my co-host here. I am of course referring to Tynelia’s 1-0 win over Nanakaland in the Presidential Coiliseum. This was our first ever win over a team ranked higher than us and also gave my co-host the first of many nicknames as “Amazin’ Amy Whiteworth in her single days led the shutout.”

“Yes that was a huge match for everyone on the team to finally come out on top against a higher ranked team and finally convince us that we were improving. Jay got the lone goal in the mud and rain, which actually worked in our favor. Nanakaland had only lost to the top two seeds of the group, Bettia and Total N’Utter Insanity to that point and seemed a lock for third. Instead, this match started one of the biggest collapses in WC history which ended with the Kazoo Peoples getting the third and final qualifying spot.”

“And the fans were tremendous that match. It turns out we have a clip of that match that we’ll play now.”

<cutaway to a much younger looking Amy Whiteworth and co. on the field on a muddy and torn off turf as time winds down in the match>

The corner kick is fired into the center of the field where a Nanakaland player heads it wide of the net. At this point the chant has gotten louder and can clearly be heard over television sets across Tynelia. “SHUT ‘EM OUT AMY! SHUT ‘EM OUT!” <clap, clap> SHUT ‘EM OUT AMY! SHUT ‘EM OUT! <clap, clap>. The entire crowd is on its feet yelling the chant out as loudly as they can. They remain on their feet the rest of the game chanting and counting down the last minute of regulation, pausing only to cheer widely whenever the ball is cleared downfield or Whiteworth makes another save.

The whistle finally blows ending the game as a tired muddy Amy Whiteworth suddenly finds herself swarmed under by her equally muddy teammates as the Tynelian bench empties and pours onto the field to join in. The crowd goes nuts chanting and hugging each other after the amazing effort. Finally the pile around the net breaks up and suddenly teary eyed Whiteworth finds herself hoisted up onto the shoulders of Vladimar Malloy and Jay Masterson who carry her off the field to a raucous standing ovation from the crowd.

<footage ends as Amy seems a bit teary eyed>

“sorry Dinah, that still chokes me up listening to our fans willing me on to that shutout.”

“Don’t worry about it Amy. You deserved every minute of that. But now its time to make our picks for the home match with Tylero, the conquerors of ESF. And while Amy composes herself I’ll go first. Last time we had a decent offensive showing on the road winning 2-0 but will all the trouble scoring the team has had lately I’m going to say we only win 1-0 this time.”

“OK Dinah, I’ll stick with the doubt until they prove otherwise so I’ll say it’ll be a repeat of today 0-0 draw.”

“I don’t think we’ll be scoreless twice in a road Amy. They HAVE to start playing better soon since we have the rematch with the Elves after this. But I guess we’ll find out like we usually do, when everyone else does. So you know the drill by now, first the match and then stay tuned after that because Amy and I will be back after for the post game show so until then for ‘Amazin’’ Amy Wentworth this is Dinah Miller, have a pleasant evening.”

The Jariss team returns to the locker room in a good mood after their 3-0 win over Cebumopolis which pulled them to within a single point of third place with matches against all the teams ahead of them yet to play.

Fya Panai: Woohoo we’re so awesome! Li what were you doing scoring all those goals? That’s Minna’s job.

Li Chu: I am most sorry for dishonoring Minna by scoring more than she….

<WHACK! Li Chu rubs the topside of his head after it was smacked>

Gia Banama: What did I tell you Li?

Minna Dawo: Yeah its no big deal Li. I’m glad you scored today, even if you did beat me 2 to 1. That just means I’ll have to score three next match.

Joa Giranu: I think Coach did that on purpose. To push Minna by having someone else who can score a lot up there with her.

Fya: You mean…Coach Pitu did something right?!?

Joa: Well maybe it was Leni.

Gia: No that was all Coach Pitu. My husband didn’t come up with that idea. Or if he did and didn’t tell me about it he’ll be sorry…

<the team slowly backs away from Gia>

Tali Vindu: Hey I got a shutout. Too bad Coach wants Aru to start next match or I’d make it another one in a row.

Aru Treni: I think Coach wants to give you a rest before we go up against Commerce Heights Lite and the monks. Oh and those Imperials that are ahead of us. I mean we can make the playoffs if we win a couple of those matches.

Fya: <signing> Oh yeah! Goin’ to the playoffs! Gonna win it all! Oh yeah! That’s right!

Andre Miware: Well we have to beat them first. I don’t think draws are going to help us much at this point.

<Coach Pitu Kirui storms furiously into the locker room at this point followed by Leni Banama>

Coach Pitu: What is this Andre? Draws not good enough? What sort of non-Jarissian madness has gotten into you? Draws are our national sporting treasure!

Andre: But Coach im just saying to make the playoffs.

Coach Pitu: None of that you. That’s it you are benched next match until you get back into a proper Jarissian mindset. Fae, you shall start instead.

Fae Numuu: I get to start? Really? <wide-eyed>

Coach Pitu: Yes, yes indeed. But now to business. Quiet nice if rather unsporting to win by such a margin. Rather un-Jarissian of you all, remember if you must win, show some respect by allowing the others to stay close. That last goal was quite uncalled for Minna.

Minna: It wasn’t my fault! I didn’t know their keeper was going to trip when he dove for the ball.

Coach Pitu: Hmm, yes, there was that. A most slippery field today. No doubt he would have made the save otherwise. But onto new business. These Bell woshippers…

Leni: Bellzantium Coach.

Coach Pitu: yes very tricky squad, still in the hunt you know and needs to win the rest of ther matches. We must not let that happen. A draw would be quite good but perhaps a win might be better.

Leni: Yeah coach a win could get us into third you know.

Coach Pitu: Oh yes yes I am quite aware of that. Perhaps a fine 1-0 win. Yes that would be a sporting result and still aid us in our quest. Indeed that is what we shall strive for this next match. Then the schedule gets most fierce so be well rested like Tali will be and do your utmost to succeed!

Team: Sure coach.

Leni: OK hit the showers, four matches left to get into the playoffs. So let’s give it our best shot!

Andre: <whispers to Fya> Where’s Coach Maru when you need him. <sighs>

Meanwhile in Rodger River (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Rodger_River).

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/examiner2.gif

STADIUM INTACT; NO-ONE INJURED
THINGS ARE JUST HUMMING ALONG
Convenor stumps everyone with extraordinary word

Football fans throughout Errinundera are still recovering from the shock of a World Cup qualifying match without riots, detonations, giant-vampire leeches or bad weather. At Glumbog stadium today the sun shone, the ferals stayed away, the leeches were their normal, friendly selves - just a few millimetres long - and the stands were as uncomfortable as ever but at least they were still there.

Convenor of the EFA, imonedebouvoi, was clearly relieved when she faced a press conference after the match against Bushes Been Quaked. “This has been a season from hell. When I got news of the carnage at Bola Mine I almost pulled the Potoroos from the World Cup. It’s good to come to Rodger River and to be able to do a quotidian thing – enjoy a game of football.” Journalists left the conference wondering whether she used words like that every day.

Local fan, radburendi, put it simply after the match. “Rodger River is miles from anywhere. Perhaps it was just too far for the Goolies to reach.”

RODGERERS HONOUR YOUNG STAR

A sombre crowd of over 20,000 gathered at OALUSH’N, Rodger River's sacred tree, for the commemorative service held for narva, the young football star who was killed by leeches in First Creek Falls. Visiting footballers from Bushes Been Quaked joined the Potoroos in forming lines of honour for the fallen star. The Bees’ outstanding midfielder - in fact, their only midfielder - Johann Horabik said the team was proud to perform the tribute. “We love Abba and we’re happy to do Abba tributes any time.” The costumes and fake wigs worn by the Quakers failed to raise the eyebrows of the Rodgerers who were mostly naked anyway.

Although narva had not made an impression in international football until her untimely death, she had been successful with the local Rodger River side. Her team mate from that team, scerberu, told the service that the young woman had been a wonderful humanitarian. “Her work with Amnesty Interregional showed that she gave without stint, believed without wavering and strove without thought for herself.”

ARCHREGIMANCY'S FATHER DAVID ATTRACTS FANS

If Errinundrians were somewhat pissed off with owiavi when he gave a spray to Errinundera as he left for the Archregimancy to take on a new vocation, then they have been swiftly converted by his marvellous feats in goals as Father David. Since pelting him with sex aids in the pre-qualifying friendly, his reputation has been completely redeemed in the eyes of the inquisitorial fans. That’s Errinundrians for you – they just can’t resist a talented footballer playing for an overseas team.

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/FatherDavid.jpg

So far the former genderqueer has shut-out his opponents five times in World Cup 36 qualifying. Local star and Errinundrian footballer, scerberu, admits to being something of a fan. “Five shut-outs shows a lot of talent. He moves beautifully and he looks so important in that beautiful uniform they all wear. I hear Errinundrian ex-pats are setting up fan clubs all over the world.”

POTOROO KEEPER DOES IT AGAIN

Errinundera’s captain, onito, managed her third shut-out in row and sixth in World Cup 36 qualifying as the Potoroos downed Bushes Been Quaked 3-nil at Glumbog stadium here in Rodger River today. Actually, the national team has so far managed 7 shut-outs in 10 games but onito was rested for the 8-nil drubbing of Kilmarnockshire. The thoughtful captain who likes to ask questions with complicated answers has now had 11 perfect games in her last 14 World Cup qualifying matches.

Team mate and local star, scerberu, says the captain’s performances give the team a huge boost in confidence. “Our success starts with her. It lifts everyone’s game. Somehow, we all play that little bit better when she is there. We would all step off branches in the mist for her.”

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Errinundera.png
Errinundera 3
(immelfar 24, snaporoo 50, 57)

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Bushes_Been_Quaked.png
Bushes Been Quaked 0

Errinundera's WC36 scorers:
6 immelfar
6 snaporoo
5 breretond
4 scerberu
3 avilmou
2 froesu
1 agloir
1 onito
1 otemki
1 oovaroo

EFA ANNOUNCES TEAM FOR ALL IMPORTANT MATCH AGAINST TLC

With only froesu injured the Potoroos have a near full list for the match that may determine whether Errinundera has to qualify via the play-offs. The chosen team is:

Forwards
snaporoo
immelfar
avilmou
breretond
otemki (sub)

Midfielders
agloir
aptai
scerberu
ipieomenicu
henyua (sub)

Defenders
haimaidu
aryre
evastatio (sub)

Keepers
onito
etrelik (sub)

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/ariddia.png Ariddia 0-1 Turori http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/turori.png

Ariddia shocked by first defeat

A one-all draw against Lovisa – the Rouge-et-Noirs’ fifth draw – had turned Ariddia’s qualifying campaign into a farce. Their very first loss, against Turori, has turned it into a disaster.

Supporters are struggling for words to qualify a situation worse than what even the glummest pessimists could have predicted.

“Thirteen points we’ve lost so far,” one fan pointed out. “I can’t believe we’ve only won four games. We should have wiped the floor with the lot of them.” Almost all of Ariddia’s current players are veterans, who were part of the winning team in World Cup 34 and the finalists two years ago.

Foreigners in Ariddia are picking up on the disheartened mood. Joanna Smith of Zwangzug and Yossi Badir of Jeruselem are both students at the University of Rêvane (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/University_of_R%C3%Aavane).

“People are finding it hard to accept,” Mr. Badir said. “The Ariddians are expected to win almost all their matches. People here can’t understand what’s going on. There’s quite a bit of talk about it at uni. Ariddia is a country without many problems, so this is their big national problem right now.”

“At the beginning, there were flags everywhere, and the usual excitement,” Ms. Smith explained. “A lot of that is gone now. You go into a pub when they’re showing a match, and some people barely look at the screen. If the team doesn’t seem to be winning, they just don’t want to see it. There’s quite a bit of exasperation.”

Related news

The Rouge-et-Noirs and their coach, Jane Sanderson, have expressed their heartfelt condolences to the Potoroos and narva’s family after the death of the young Errinundrian defender.

“I met her once,” Ariddian goalkeeper Cassie Lee, who is an Errinundrian citizen, said. “She was nice as anything. Everyone is going to miss her. It’s a great shock, and a great loss.”

Meanwhile, the Ariddian Secretariat for Culture has announced that the ulek (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ulek) has been added to the World Heritage Sites & Treasures List (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/World_Heritage_Sites_%26_Treasures_List#The_list), as an “intangible treasure”. The ulek is over two thousand years old, but was only rediscovered and popularised in the Ariddian Isles a few decades ago. It is considered a great treasure of Indigenous Ariddian oral culture and history. The ulek also makes the Ariddian football team unique, as it is the only team in the world to conduct a pre-match ritual on the field before every game. It has become traditional for players of the opposing side to stand still and face the ulek, looking suitably impressed and simultaneously defiant.

The words of the ulek, in the Lwellsl Wymgani language, are:

Llseh! Llseh!
Swehashi llosh e lueal o!
Wo’el yeual o!
Al llseh! Al llseh!
Wul ellul sel ei! Wul!
Silew wa oleh!
Sah wa weheshisi!
Sah wa weheshisi!

The Albrecht Herald
Easy win gives future hope
By Tracker Edwards

C&M strolled confidently through their first competitive away victory at Kedalfax, easing any residual pressure on Coach Mark Baker. Efficient rather than flashy, the Big Blues never the less coped well with the spoiling tactics of the poor home side who are still yet to pick up a win in qualifying.

As with the two sides’ previous fixture, it was the C&M wingers who hurt their opposite numbers the most. O’Sullivan Caras and Joey Pipes have been rightly under-fire at times after recent games, with Nathan Adams and Jos Cornelisse respectively knocking on the doors. They answered a great many questions in Kennerwyck however as their pace and trickery caused problems for the Kedalfaxian back-line all night. Caras could well have scored a sensational solo effort in the third minute, a dribble from well inside his own half before a spectacular change of pace bamboozled no less than four Kedalfaxians who had to make do with despairing lunges as he danced past them. Sadly his final ball did not match the build-up play, a cross-come-shot going harmlessly wide.

Rex Sandstrom wasted a glorious opportunity from Speed Wang on seventeen – the young striker was the only real disappointment of C&M’s performance and will surely be sacrificed come Collonie. Shortly afterwards, on twenty-two minutes, after more great work down the left flank; Joey Pipes found space and crossed into the edge of the six-yard box where Steven Fritz drifted in unmarked for a simple header. Kedalfax had an ill-deserved chance at an equaliser moments afterwards; but their front man, having beaten the offside trap, shot woefully over Reuben Uwakwe’s bar.

C&M controlled the game comfortably in the second half, though the small posse of away supporters were given a nervy few moments on seventy when Fritz – scorer now of five in ten qualifiers and seven in twelve competitive games – dropped like a bag of apples after a seemingly innocuous challenge from a Kedalfaxian centre-back. Fritz was quickly hauled off for Joel Grillo, though the word was soon passed to officials that he had sustained only minor bruising and would be fit and raring for the next game. As it was, the aging Grillo scored within five minutes. Taking a free-kick twenty yards out – with Caras also sub’d – he curled a lovely shot over the wall and into the top left-hand corner.

Away fans almost had another moment to savour when Caras’ replacement, Mamdooh Momtaz, latched onto a ball from Wang. A goal would have been a superb answer to the fools who so marred C&M’s previous home match, but after a long injury lay-off, the player set for Atlético Jutense in Cafundéu showed his rustiness and could only hit a weak shot at the ‘keeper. With several days’ full training to come before Collonie at the MSS however, most pundits at the stadium believed Momtaz would likely get a starting berth in place of Sandstrom.

Baker used the word “encouraging” a great deal in the post-match interviews, and as well he might. Though hardly spectacular, his side never looked genuinely threatened away to a side that took points here off Az-cz. Any away win is not to be sniffed at, and bodes tentatively well for the future. Making up at least ten points in four games is clearly a challenge to far now, so the final few games must be about confidence and world ranking points. In the meantime, we can sit back and enjoy the fully-televised resumption to this group, with Qazox, Az-cz and Zwangzug separated by just two points and set for a thrilling set of decided matches.

____________________________________

RINA News Updates in Brief.

Albrecht Metropolitan Police and the city’s General Hospital have named the single casualty of the Freedom Party riots last week as Jenni Svensson, a 31-year old computer analyst from the Mary’s Park area of the capital, died yesterday from injuries received during an incident with a police horse. Miss Svensson’s former flat-mate, who did not wish to be named, confirmed that the deceased had been “sympathetic” to the Association of Nationalist Parties’ cause, though she did not believed the committed church-goer Svensson had voted for them in the 2004 general election. It remains unclear as to whether Miss Svensson had gone on the march intentionally or had merely been caught up in the ensuing violence.

The majority of the 287 individuals arrested during the rioting have been released on police bail, with at least 200 charged with public order offences of varying degrees of severity. Ten men and one woman – including Charles Goodison, a high-ranking Freedom Party member who was ranked ninth on the ANP’s party list in 2004 – remain in police custody.

ANP leader David Wild denied last night he had been interviewed under caution by police during the last week, stating he had met Albrecht’s Police Commissioner Tony Villaverde “by chance, at a do,” and had “had a friendly chat in which the events of the last week did not come up.”

There have been no further major disturbances in the city since the day of the Zwangzug game, and a noticeably increased police presence. Freedom Party spokesmen have not however ruled out the possibility of further demonstrations in future weeks.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/sorthern_northland.png Sorthern Northland 0-3 Az-cz http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/az-cz.png

Despite desperate attempts by Sorthern Northland officials to stop Az-cz players reaching the James Connolly Stadium by detaining a number of Az-cz players in immigration at Beningrad International Airport Sorthern Northland managed to lose 3-0 today.

The Sortherners never really got going and Pinkos rarely had to move out of first gear in a simple win.

Their first goal came after just elven minutes from Ip-Gp who ran onto a ball that split the SN defence in half by Kn-Dg. Ip-Gp returned the favour just minutes later laying on a cross for Kn-Dg to slot home with a goal that looked suspiciously offside.

Not much else append in the with Sorthern Northland being useless and Az-Cz not needing to do anything. In the 77th minute however EE-Or lobbed goalkeeper George Palmer who seemed to be concentrating on starting a fight with substitute Jay-Jay Bay-Bay more than the game. Bay-Bay received a broken nose while Palmer broke his wrist. Unsurprisingly both players also received a red card and continued their fight in the changing rooms. Both players have been dropped and suspended from the Sorthern Northland squad for the remainder of this competition. With this in mind the starting line up now looks like this.

GK Joseph Huntley
DR Graeme Shorey
DL Min Cho-Hi
DC Ivar Wrightson
DC Corneal Corneal
MR Tom Tomsk
ML Ben O'Bagels
MC Diago Maran
MC Relondinho
FC Neuville Senna
FC Kim Min-Kim

Billopesha has beaten the eliminated Homieville again (beat them 3-0 before) in a reasonable match for Billopesha. The result, although highly expected, has made Billopesha feel a little better and presented the usual talents from the top players.

The game began with two yellow cards for Homieville for a nasty fouls against Geoff Dart and Paul Roberts. There were no goal attempts before the 19th minute when Titus Thane showed his driving power as he bombed his way through to fire the ball past a confused goalkeeper and into the net. This was followed by a close goal attempt by Homieville that was saved by Derek Loose. 9 minute later, Justin Clinton turned a corner kick by Ryan Locke into a successful goal attempt with his head and also received a yellow card for a foul 10 minutes later. Billopeshian attacks continued in the opponent's half as they nearly scored from a shot by Leo Hills and eventually scored from a shot by John Finch in the 42nd minute. In the second half, the Billopeshian defence took force to keep their 3-0 lead with only one attempt by Homieville sending the ball into Derek Loose's hands. It was in the 68th minute when a Homieville player was given a yellow card to give Billopesha a free kick near the goal. Titus Thane made good use of it by kicking the ball into the right corner of the net. A near goal by Billopesha when Jeremy Strife shot the ball just past the goal ended the goal attempts and the game ended gently.

Now, Billopesha remains in the tournament but now can only qualify via playoff. Let's hope for the best.

Billopesha 4 - 0 Homieville

Report by:
http://www.freewebs.com/billopesha/msoD6A9B.jpg

Geordie did a double take when he picked up this mornings Times, Guardian and City Sun. "Oi David, come over here and look at this!" He said to the aged Scottish bartender. David, who was busy drying glasses and organizing the day's delivery, came over towel on his shoulder and a slight sweat on his brow.

"What is it man?"

"Check this out," Geordie pointed to the article.

"Is that serious?"

"Look at where the report came out of!"

"Damn."

"That's what I said."

"Any word from the loving couple what they're gonna do about it?"

"No idea."

David paused. "You sure that isn't a miss print? That it's not 4-4-2 and the City Sun just bolloxed it up?"

"No, it's in the Guardian and Times too."

"Damn. A 2-4-4 formation? That's not going to turn out too well for someone at all. Probably Errinundera. Especially after the run we gave them. Stick to the 4-4-2 formation or maybe 5-3-2 with Tomi and 'Meida up front and that'll give them hell."

"Well, we'll see. Any of your family getting tickets."

"They were sold out the moment they went on sale."

"Yeah, me neither."

"It'll be strange seeing them play here. Heard my dad tell me tales of them playing us when I was a kid. Strange people they are. Not right, ya know?"

"Aye, I do. What was the phrase they used, 'genderqueer?' Strange sight that would be.

"We'll kick their asses anyways."

"Aye."

Endmile defeats Jeru FC 1-4
By Jan Kruis

The USSE was victorious today against the military team Jeru FC, keeping them in contention for a qualifying spot in the World Cup 36 tournament. The Endmile fans arrived in force, and their support clearly boosted the team’s confidence.

The first goal came in the 13th minute when Vader Schut (GK, Powerhouse) sent out a long goal kick, which was headed by Rudolf de Ruine (MF, Destruktor). The ball went behind the Jeru FC defense and Everhart Pieterszen (FW, CR Submiria) made a run to get it. He was in perfect position for a shot, and he hit one hard up into the top right corner. 21 minutes later, Skipper Schaers (FW, Red Army)showed his speed by beating Player 3 (DF) to a through ball, then sent in a cross which was headed in by Henrik Klusener (FW, Royal Blood FC).

The second half saw more scoring chances by Endmile, and a few by Jeru FC. In the 57th minute, Henric van Nostrand (MF, Powerhouse) sent in a shot from outside the penalty area, beating Player 1 (GK) but striking the post. The rebound was picked up by Skipper Schaers, who put it in the net. A few minutes later, Jeru FC scored its only goal off of a corner kick. Player 5 (MF) sent in a driving cross, which was expertly shot in by Player 10 (FW). The final Endmile goal came in the 71st minute when Tiebout Ensminger (DF, Powerhouse) stole the ball from Player 6, then made a great pass to Henric van Nostrand. Van Nostrand sent the ball to the corner, where Skipper Schaers again beat Player 3 to the ball. He faked a cross, then took the ball in himself, getting within a few feet of the goal. Instead of shooting, he passed it back to Veit Schoeman (MF, FC Koningen), who sent in a scorcher to beat Player 1.

The 2FS region continues to play marginally, and it remains to be seen if they will be represented in the next round. Grotewohl managed a draw against The Holy Empire, in a match that turned into a philosophical debate. I wasn’t able to attend this match, but the Endmile fans were apparently not pleased. There was much booing and cursing at both the teams, as well as the officials. When the “match” was over, some Endmile fans were harassing the Grotewohl and Holy Empire fans, causing a bit of a scuffle. Thankfully, no one was seriously injured. Trumanistan again failed to score a single goal, this time losing 4-0 to Quakmybush. Bellzantium was able to score a 3-0 win against Central Prestonia, but it’s doubtful this will help their quest for qualification.

The State team are not out of it yet. If we can pull off a win against Kiryu-Shi, and the top teams don’t do so well, we might just qualify. But, the team will never get anywhere without our support. Go Endmile!

MD01 Atheistic Right vs. Endmile 3-2
MD02 Fmjphoenix vs. Endmile 1-1
MD03 Endmile vs. Jeru FC 3-1
MD04 Kiryu-Shi vs. Endmile 1-1
MD05 Endmile vs. Homieville 4-1
MD06 Squornshelous vs. Endmile 2-1
MD07 Endmile vs. Billopesha 2-1
MD08 Endmile vs. Atheistic Right 1-4
MD09 Endmile vs. Fmjphoenix 0-3
MD10 Jeru FC vs. Endmile 1-4
MD11 Endmile vs. Kiryu-Shi
MD12 Homieville vs. Endmile
MD13 Endmile vs. Squornshelous
MD14 Billopesha vs. Endmile

Group 4 Standings:

Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Squornshelous 10 7 3 0 28 9 +19 24
2 Fmjphoenix 10 6 2 2 16 8 +8 20
3 Atheistic Right 10 6 1 3 24 13 +11 19
4 Kiryu-shi 10 5 3 2 14 13 +1 18
5 Endmile 10 4 2 4 19 18 +1 14
6 Billopesha 10 2 2 6 12 14 −2 8 X
7 Jeru FC 10 2 1 7 12 26 −14 7 E
8 Homieville 10 1 0 9 4 28 −24 3 E

MD11 RP cutoff

MD11 scores (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12930942&postcount=14)

Kura-Pelland won't be at World Cup 36 - but they are delaying the inevitable well, beating The Comrade Emirates 3-0 at the Socialist Stadium at Ashburton Grove.

A crowd of 13,000 woefully failed to fill the 60,000-seater stadium, but saw a superb away team display with Jamie Kirklees, Jose Cazarez and Alan Grahams all on target.

Milchama are next, and Kura-Pellandi bookmakers were freely dangling 25-1 on an away win and 9-1 on a draw. 'This is an immense mismatch,' declared one bookmaker. But a surge of patriotic betting - and the prospect of a Milchama reserve team playing given that their qualification is sewn up - has sent liabilities soaring. Odds are now at 10-1 and 6-1; if Kura-Pelland win, it is believed bookmakers will collectively owe K45m. It has even been rumoured that at least one small chain would be forced to close.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/acapais.png Acapais 0-1 Ariddia http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/ariddia.png

Ariddians win a match

On any normal occasion, a one-nil win would have been a cause for mild disappointment. But the few Ariddian supporters in the stadium in Acapais freely expressed their joy and relief at seeing their side scrape up a much needed three points against a lower-ranked but better-faring team. The Rouge-et-Noirs nonetheless remain precariously sunk in fourth place in group 7, where the battle for the second place is so close that every match is vital.

For a while it looked as if it was going to be a sixth draw for the long-struggling Ariddians, until substitute striker Jamilah Shahrour (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Jamilah_Shahrour) was brought in late in the game. Shahrour promptly scored her first goal for the Rouge-et-Noirs eight minutes later, giving her team three vital points and keeping afloat her country’s hopes of qualifying.

The often outspoken Shahrour commented that it felt “rather satisfying” to be a woman scoring against an Acapais team from which women are fully excluded. “They’re drawing from only half their national talent pool,” she said, and added with a shrug: “It makes them easier to beat.”

Shahrour, a prominent human and animal rights activist, lived up to expectations by using her time in Acapais to investigate living conditions in the “Peaceful Nation (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Acapais)”. She noted a deep-felt commitment to pacifism, but announced that Acapais’ social security net was “extremely weak”, resulting in significant misery for the poorest. “There are people suffering from curable diseases because they haven’t got the money to receive treatment,” she told the media, and published her full findings on her website (http://www.jamilah_shahrour.ari).

Shahrour, despite the brevity of her stay, also obtained first-hand information on “the horrific torturing of animals in laboratories and industrial farms”.

http://img50.imageshack.us/img50/1738/shahrouracapaissmcp0.jpg
Shahrour investigates Acapais: picture from the website jamilah_shahrour.ari

The fact that Comrade Shahrour has made the most of her travels with the Rouge-et-Noirs to prepare scathingly critical reports on her team’s opponent countries seems to have created not the least bit controversy in Ariddia itself.

“What she’s doing is great,” one Rouge-et-Noirs supporter said. “Information on the mistreatment of people and animals should always be brought to light.”

“I’m not trying to anger the people of Acapais or elsewhere,” Shahrour explained. “I hope to make at least a few people conscious of things they should know.” She recalled the call from Az-cz (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12870317&postcount=39) for social and human rights to be respected in all nations participating in the World Cup. “If we qualify and go to the UCS [Unified Capitalizt States], you can expect extensive reports from me,” Shahrour promised.

The authorities in Rêvane have declined to comment, but it appears Comrade Shahrour enjoys the full support of her team mates.

A person sits in his chair at home, flicking through the channels. He scrolls across the Dance 2 Revolution Sports Channel. "Now: Dance 2 Revolution vs. Spruitland (World Cup Qualifier 36 Qualifier) LIVE". He selects the channel:

"What?! Eliminated already?!"
"I'm afraid those are the rules sir"
"But it was a pad miss...it wasn't my fault!!"
"I'm afraid you're out, Craig...The semi-final will be James vs. Mark..."

"What the hell?" said the man in the chair. "This isn't the match...This is the Onia In The Groove Regional Qualifiers..."

The man was right. The D2R Sports Channel had cancelled the footage of the qualifiers due to the lack of interest.

Despite this, Dance 2 Revolution took their elimination with great pride and took their frustration of yet another disappointing campaign and left a reeling Spruitland side after defeating them 3-2 in their latest game. Dance 2 Revolution will be hoping that a last gasp run of form can qualify them into the Cup of Harmony, however, they are not particularly hopeful of that qualification coming to fruition.

Dance 2 Revolution can still finish above Spruitland with a World Cup 17-esque run of luck, however no-one will be betting on that being an outcome.

The Revolutionarian Football Association are attempting to get the popularity of the sport back up to normal levels of 2nd behind Bemani-based events, but are struggling to get another TV deal for international and league matches, a possible solution has been discussed of starting a new digital channel based purely on football, however simply local football isn't enough to fill the channel, and the RFA have opened discussions with several footballing organisations around the world for possible broadcasts of their football matches, with Kura-Pelland's football league looking to be the first foreign deal to be struck.

'Now or never,' says Pasarap

DEFAE -- A 3-0 win over ARealAdvance at Wytonoi really wasn't much of a surprise for the 35,088 fans in attendance. Two goals from Sorrah Wais and one from Going Sytrobes, which should make fans of Cafundelense club Atlético Insular happy about their new acquisition, gave the home team a solid win and three important points in a group where, amazingly, they still find themselves in contention for qualification.

The next match for Team Vephrall is, on paper, the most difficult one in all of qualifying - away against Ariddia. But as anyone who has been watching the qualifiers so far can tell you, the Rouge-et-Noirs have certainly not looked like the dominant force they normally are.

"We've won just as many matches as they have," points out Vephrall team manager Ostalir Pasarap. "The Ariddian team has been vastly underperforming. The players are demoralized, the fans are flat-out depressed. Look at the group table. We're in fifth place, but we're only three points out of second. We need to go after Ariddia while they're in this weakened state. Frankly, I think we couldn't be facing them at a better time, and if we can get the upset here, our chances of making a playoff start to look very, very good. We've already done a fair bit of giant-killing, with four points against Turori in our two matches against them, and I think we can do it again here. It's now or never, folks."

To their credit, Ariddia did win their most recent match over Acapais, albeit only by one goal. Vephrall, however, are undefeated in three, and heavy favorites Ariddia will still have to do a professional job just to keep their own qualification hopes alive.

Final score
VEPHRALL 3 (Wais 25', 55'; Sytrobes 69')
ARealAdvance 0

Major producer recalls bananas

HYLLESME -- Dotsmens Agricultural Products have issued a recall on all bananas packaged by their Hyllesme site between 3 July and 19 July. Spokesmen have so far refused to state their reasons for the recall. Local conspiracy theorist Whaariny Slistols has claimed that the recall is somehow related to the bizarre banana-related homicide that occurred in Cenany in April, though Dotsmens has vehemently denied this.

Some Jeruselem government people spying on Internet chat messages ...

Man 1: Hey, there's a private conversation going on here. Damn, they are using the stronger encryption.
Man 2: Must be some terrorists, I'll see if I can break in!
Man 1: Yes, we haven't found much today, apart from a priest chatting up a 14 year old. Otherwise just teenagers talking whatever teenagers talk about.
Man 2: Well, at least we caught someone today.

Man 1: Well, get in yet?
Man 2: Eck, strong cipher this one! I think we're on to something big!
Man 1: Good, I told you we should have asked to paid the hour not by the incident.
Man 2: I think I'm in it now.

Man 1: This looks like the big payoff! YEAH
Man 2: Damn, I'm just getting garbage. I'll have to try something else.
Man 1: I'm not finding much, just people talking all usual trash on NationStates.
Man 2: You mean those spammy NationStates World Cuppers, yeah not worth the effort.

Man 1: Nothing much on NationStates General, just the usual riff raff
Man 2: I'm in! Let's see what these two are up to.
Man 1: That's obscene, is this a adult sex chat channel. That woman sure talks diry.
Man 2: I'm checking if it's a commercial sex chat channel - nope. It's just a couple talking.

Man 1: Where's the man?
Man 2: Here in Jeruselem, which makes it interesting.
Man 1: And the woman?
Man 2: Tracking her location, Quakmybush ... she's on wireless.

Man 1: She sounds like she knows what she's talking about.
Man 2: This is pretty full on, I'm trying find out who these people are.
Man 1: The man is coded Cutie ... yow. The woman ... let's see, OneAndOnlyDazza.
Man 2: Oh, I know who this is.

Man 1: Who?
Man 2: Dazza Dallas talking to her husband.
Man 1: Damn, I though it was some sex scandal we could get something out of.
Man 2: well, it's zip for us again. I wish my wife talked to me that way.

Man 1: Me too.
Man 2: Hey, there's video stream here. Let's see if we can see what Dazza is wearing!
Man 1: This will be good.
Man 2: Check it out! She's hot. Who needs to buy dirty movies when Dazza does this kind of stuff live on a chat channel - stuff the terrorists, this is what we like.

Man 1: She looks young.
Man 2: She's yummy! Hey, we can record all this and sell it. I see she likes bananas.
Man 1: Yeah, great idea.
Man 2: I could watch this all day.

Man 1: Err, let's find more of these conversations.

Trumanistan (0) 0
St Samuel (2) 4 - Batista 13, St John 37, Sensini 54 & 81

St Samuel are today celebrating a convincing 4-0 win away against Trumanistan. The Latin Crusaders kept there World Cup dream alive and whilst qualification may be somewhat unrealistic the fans are delighted that they still have a chance.

St Samuel played some great football, which has been missing for sometime. The goals came from Batista, St John and two from Sensini.

Manager Louis Della Penzzi commented after the game, "The boys did me proud. We played some good, intelligent football against a tricky team. The other results went well for us and if we can continue playing like this, I will be delighted. Even without qualification I will just be happy that we are playing quality football once more."

Some HURDist Songs

The Karela song - to the tune of dirty old town

We lost quite high - almost every game
We conceded more than we can name.
We need to change or we can't advance
Screw the attack - boost the defense!


Buggy GNUs - to the tune of Blacks and Tans

1)
I am HURDish, can you see?
This nerd programmer is me
Who wrote code for konqueror and for epiphany
and when they will play their game
For their faults I am to blame
And the HURDists sing with my this crazy chorus!

chorus:
Oh you bugs, this retard wrote
get the fuck out of my code
cause my programs will run better just without you
I will debug, I will fight
this invasion with all might
and eventually I will just grow tired of it.

2)
Now I start up gdb
put one out and put in three
then I realize my errors and get desperate
When I have nothing to lose
I stop coding, I use booze
and the morning after things will look the same


GNUbaya - to the tune of Kumbaya

Chorus:
/GNUbaya my HURD, GNUbaya 3x/
Oh HURD, GNUbaya!

1) /Hackers write the HURD, GNUbaya! 3x/ Oh Hackers, GNUbaya!
2) /Hackers make the distro, GNUbaya! 3x/ Debian, GNUbaya!

Chorus

3) /Hackers use the distro, GNUbaya! 3x/ Oh Hackers, GNUbaya!
4) /Lusers slani things up, not again! 3x/ Let's LART them, GNUbaya!

Chorus

The Schiavone Scribe
Sloths Qualify Easily Again
Rejistania 0-3 Schiavonia

Schiavonia qualified for another World Cup in convincing style last night, beating the United Rejistania States easily, by three goals to nil.

In what we thought would, and statistically should, have been the toughest game of the campaign, Schiavonia eased to their tenth win in eleven. And they're now qualified for The UCS and Cafundéu with three games to spare.

The odd thing is, we used to celebrate every qualification here in Schiavonia rather wildly, but now... well, it's such an anti-climax.

Schiavonia went on a long unbeaten run a couple of cups back, and even though they're still losing a few, it's just... well, it's not as fun as it used to be.

The cynicism of World Cup 35 has been replaced by a pure boredom. Is that a sign of a good team? Do we not know that it's good for us? Would you prefer it if we were absolutely rubbish, and had to leave it late every time?

No. This way, it's much better. Just one problem. Usually, after a good qualifying run, we're absolutely bloody useless in the finals proper. So everyone out there across the forty-six islands, tonight, go out and celebrate! Celebrate while you still have the chance!

Doctor Rogério Landau reaches the Sector Gama Sporting Field, the second biggest of the Institute, just smaller than the Sector Delta Sporting Field, used by the National Team in its games. A football game is being played there. One of Landau's scouts, the famous sports commentator of Be Calm television Doctor Haroldo Sassarel, is watching the game.

DR.LANDAU - "Hello, Haroldo. How do you do?"

DR.SASSAREL - "I'm fine, boss. Working hard to make my part in the Institute."

DR.LANDAU - "You are doing well. It's hard to find hard-working doctors such as you."

DR.SASSAREL - "Thanks, boss, it's very good to hear this words. I heard that the National Team is playing very well in the qualifyiers, still didn't lose a single game."

DR.LANDAU - "Yes, the players are very united now. But we can lose soon, our next game is against Schiavonia, and after that against Rejistania. But the loss isn't important if we qualify."

DR.SASSAREL - "You are right. So, have you come to see my work?"

DR.LANDAU - "That is it. This is the Sector Gama field, so this game is truly important, isn't it?"

DR.SASSAREL - "The whole Institute is talking about this game, it can decide the league. The two best teams of the competition are facing each other. The Neurologists are in the first place, but only one point in front of the Psychiatrists, the defending champions."

DR.LANDAU - "This game seems promising then, two big teams must have some good players. The game is good until now?"

DR.SASSAREL - "We are in the fifth minute... now the sixth, of the second half. The Psychiatrists are winning the game, with two goals against one. The Psychiatrists scored in the tenth minute of the first half with Professor Shallin..."

DR.LANDAU - "Professor Shallin? He is our most experienced doctor, he is ninety-three years old!"

DR.SASSAREL - "Yes, but he scored from a penalty kick. He is still playing, and is the captain of the Psychiatrists team. The second goal of them was scored in the thirty-first minute of the first half, but Doctor Flávia Aragonés..."

DR.LANDAU - "That girl with a short hair?"

DR.SASSAREL - "Yes, but the blonde one, who plays in the right side. The other one is Doctor Déborah Fragata, just an average player in my opinion."

DR.LANDAU - "So, the first half ended two against zero for the Psychiatrists?"

DR.SASSAREL - "Yes, but the Neurologists were able to score in the first minute of the second half, with Doctor Selic, an excellent offensive midfielder, as good as your friend Letícia Sabin!"

DR.LANDAU - "So he is a very good player?"

DR.SASSAREL - "Yes, he surely is... look, he has the ball, shoots... and it's goal for the Neurologists, they got the draw!"

DR.LANDAU - "Interesting. Who are the main players of these teams?"

DR.SASSAREL - "I first must say that these teams are incomplete today. They have key players, as your wife and Professor Jesus Bangu Melo, who are playing for our National Team, and weren't able to play today."

DR.LANDAU - "I know, but tell me the stars of these teams, Haroldo!"

DR.SASSAREL - "Okay boss! In the Psychiatrists team, there is the good right back Flávia, that blonde girl that scored a goal. They have also a good defensive midfielder, called Professor Adamastor Bueno. And one of their attackers is pretty good too, Doctor Gérson Gouveia."

DR.LANDAU - "And what about the Neurologists?"

DR.SASSAREL - "Three players called my attention too. One of them is Doctor Selic, who scored twice today. The defender, Professor Renan Couto, is excellent and solid in the defense. There is also a neutral midfielder, Doctor Francisco Naves, who is good too."

DR.LANDAU - "Thanks, Haroldo. I'm going."

DR.SASSAREL - "Boss, can I just ask you a question?"

DR.LANDAU - "Of course, go ahead."

DR.SASSAREL - "There is a lot of professors here in the Institute, but you, who is our president, is a doctor. Why?"

DR.LANDAU - "I rejected the title of professor years ago. I think that doctor is more cool."

DR.SASSAREL - "Really? But being a professor you are in an upper level."

DR.LANDAU - "I am the president. There is no upper level than this one. And, just to give you another example, I'll take those converted monks. They were doctors and professors, but decided to become just brothers or fathers."

DR.SASSAREL - "But that's different. They don't mind if they have a good title or not. All they want to do is to follow their religion and pray to God. I like them and respect their faith, although they say that I am a heretic when I meet one of them."

DR.LANDAU - "So, think about me in the same way. I don't mind if I have a good title or not. I want just to do my work."

(When Landau is leaving, a goal is scored. Now, the Psychiatrists are winning the game)

The Schiavone Scribe
Sloths Qualify Easily Again
Rejistania 0-3 Schiavonia

Schiavonia qualified for another World Cup in convincing style last night, beating the United Rejistania States easily, by three goals to nil.

Maybe the reason for the weird result was that Schiavonia simply was fighting the wrong opponent. We have no idea what the United Rejistania States are, but we know that the Schiavonian national team never appeared in the Association of Free Nations of Rejistania. The Associate national team waited a long time in the Rejistani stadium in case the guests made it there but apparently they landed somewhere completely different. The soccer association of the AFNR was very disturbed by this because no one even know who the mysterious opponent was. The Rejistanian newspaper Na~ovi Transnational denied every accusation of intentional misleading the schiavonian Sloths. In the Asene the idea prevails that the United Cpitalizt States have something to do with it.

New Qazian Press

Pheonix Qualify for Playoffs, at least

Qazox took today's game lightly, and surprisingly weren't burned in the 3-0 win over Kedalfax. The triumverate of Greg Holden, Tomas Richter, and Yancy Fry were given the match off, in prepreations for the Home finale in 2 weeks against Az-cz. It is unkown if they will have the next match @ Collonie off as well, Head Coach Fernando Turek was leaning to give some the midfielders some time off. Also Zane West is off the suspension list, but will continue to sit for the next 3 games. John Griffey, Wesley Tripp and Kyle West each scored a goal in the victory.

Looking ahead there are one 3 teams that now have a chance to advance from Group 3. The Pheonix, Az-cz and Zwangzug all are separated by 1 point. It looks like it will come down to the final two matches for each team. As all three have relatively easy enough opponents, that the margins will be the same. MD 13 sees Az-cz travelling to Qazox, while Zwangzug hosts Collonie. MD 14 sees Qazox at Cookesland while Zwangzug travels to Az-cz. Fromt eh lookes of it, Az-cz has the most direct control over their destiny, as they play the other two teams, but the drawback is that they have a greater chance of failure. Qazox has the 2nd easiest, as the host Az-cz, while Zwnagzug has to go on the road. Looks like the next two weeks will be fun.



Match Summary:
10': Goal (QZX) John Griffey
45+': Goal (QZX) Wesley Tripp
63': Goal (QZX) Kyle West

Shots:
Qazox: 12
Kedalfax: 2

Corners:
Qazox: 9
Kedalfax: 0

FOULS:
Qazox: 4
Kedalfax: 3

Inside the Flaggon Dragon

<TV announcer:.. Not much of a recap today as all scoring happend in the first 15 minutes. Potheads stay alive with a 2-1 win, Thanks to 2 goals by Clinton Lichtenberg, defeating Herchimer.

For STV, this has been Brian Stewart.>

YE OLDE FLAGGON DRAGON
CLOSED DUE TO FAMILY EMERGENCY
WILL RE-OPEN ON SATURDAY

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/daehanjeiguk.pngDaehanjeiguk || 1 - 1 || Wentlandhttp://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/wentland.png

A draw in the City by the Sea keeps qualification interests high!

http://static.flickr.com/30/52004956_ea1ff0f910.jpg

Despite the first round defeat to Wentland, the Imperial Team have come out at home with an even draw, 1-1, to keep the undefeated streak strong at home in the Han Empire. An early strike by the Han side failed to convert to a great win, as Wentland makes their late comeback to steal away some of the prize.

The Imperial Team made a quick and early strike, with Seo Jeongweon leading a long chip to Kim Eunjung, knocking it away in the 9th minute. The pace was even down the two sides, as Kim Yongdae made some fantastic saves at critical moments. The score line was in favor of the Imperial side, 1-0. Wentland came back from the half with inspired fury, making daring strikes at the Han goal. Their aggressiveness hit a brick wall, with their chief striker taking a yellow card for unsportsmanlike conduct following a tackle by Pak Geonha. The brick wall was only a brief shock, as the Han side failed to capitalize fully the following run, leading to a clear shot by Kim Daeeui that would have been fine in any rugby match. The Wentland team resumed their strikes, leading to some more amazing saves. However, it was an unwieldy tackle by Kim Jingyu that brought a 73rd minute penalty kick for Wentland - it was a tough but well-lofted chip that nearly hit the crossbar. The two sides now even, both sides showed their exhaustion, and the whistle blew for an enthusiastic crowd - unsatisfied with the draw, but satisfied with no defeat.

Head Coach Cha Beomgeun was available for post match remarks: "We were strong out in the first half, but we were unable to hold out for the match. We have some weak points that we will need to fix ahead of our match away in Cebumopolis, but I remain confident that they will be better prepared to come away with a critical victory. I hope that we won't have any problems ahead of the match, but other than those fews areas of weakness, the team performed well, and were dominating the first half very nicely. I hope that we can achieve the same in our next match in the Imperial Capital against Jaseuyeon as well."

Ahead of the match in Cebumopolis, Head Coach Cha Beomgeun has confirmed that the line up will rermain the same.

Summary of Events:
9' - HAN Goal (#11)
57' - WEN YC
73' - WEN Goal (PK)

GROUP 12
Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 The Archregimancy 11 7 4 0 20 7 +13 25
2 Wentland 11 5 6 0 16 6 +10 21
4 Jaseuyeon 11 6 2 3 25 12 +13 20
3 Daehanjeiguk 11 5 3 3 18 14 +4 18
5 Jariss 11 4 5 2 13 7 +6 17
6 Bellzantium 11 3 2 6 15 16 −1 11 <E>
7 Cebumopolis 11 1 3 7 4 22 −18 6 <E>
8 Central Prestonia 11 0 1 10 3 30 −27 1 <E>

As the final whistle blew to draw a close to the Northern Bettia-Noirthemme match, a chorus of boos rang out around Sakura Park.

"You're crap!"
"What the hell do you think you're playing at?"
"You bunch of bloody muppets!!"

Young striker Naru Sonata looked around the stadium, dodging the beer bottles that were flying in her direction. She turned to her team captain with a puzzled look on her pretty young face.

"I don't understand it. Why are they booing us? Why are they chucking bottles at me? We won, for fucks sake, and I scored another hat-trick! What more do they want?"

Dan shook his head and put a consoling arm around her.

"It's those two goals we let in. They were the first goals Noirthemme had scored in this entire tournament."

"So?"

"The whole world were hoping they would go through the entire qualifying round without scoring a single goal - let's face it, it would've been a laugh - but we've gone and botched that up good and proper. We're the laughing stock of the world now."

"Oh. I see. I guess it would've helped if our entire defence hadn't got sent off, right?"

"Yeah. They probably had it coming. You don't foul their striker then start laying into him right in front of the referee and expect to get away with it. They should've waited until his back was turned and the linesmen were looking the other way."

"Yeah... and I think Yanni kicking the poor guy right in the teeth then calling the ref a dirty fucker didn't help much, huh?"

"Nah." Dan replied just as a broken whizzed past him, slicing a thin cut in his ear. "Oh man, this is getting out of hand - where are the police when you need them?"

Naru looked around. "I think most of them are unconscious. Don't worry, I have an idea - I'll sort the crowd out!"

She grinned as she ran towards the main terrace and lifted her shirt over her head. It worked - the chorus of boos became a deafening cheer as she gave the eyes of 75000 red-blooded males had something worthwhile to focus on.

Kyobu smiled and shook his head.

"Now why didn't she do that to the ref? Maybe then we wouldn't have let in those goals..."



Fixtures / Results

MD..OPPONENT...............VENUE...RESULT

Qualifying Group 9

01: Trumanistan............HOME....W 4-0
02: Quakmybush.............Away....L 1-3
03: St Samuel..............HOME....W 3-2
04: Noirthemme.............Away....W 6-0
05: Planting...............HOME....W 4-1
06: Patusan................Away....W 4-0
07: Jeruselem..............HOME....L 1-3
08: Trumanistan............Away....W 4-0
09: Quakmybush.............HOME....W 4-1
10: St Samuel..............Away....W 3-1
11: Noirthemme.............HOME....W 5-2
12: Planting...............Away....
13: Patusan................HOME....
14: Jeruselem..............Away....

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/zwangzug.png Zwangzug 5-2 Sorthern Northland http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/sorthern_northland.png

Another game, another heavy defeat for Sorthern Northland

Sorthern Northland today travelled to Zwangzug only to suffer a third heavy defeat in a row. The Sortherners never got into the game in Bangkok and it was only once Zwangzug had settled for five goals that SN managed to score.

The day started badly for the team when their plane was forced to make an emergency landing in Zwangzug, no one was harmed and little damage was done thanks to some excellent piloting.

The team bus then broke down and the team were forced to use the Zwanzuy railway to get to the stadium. Which they managed just twenty minutes before the game was due to start.

The toll that the journey had taken on the SN players were there to see for all after just six minutes when Zwangzug captain Jacob Barons capitalised on a mix up by SN defenders Corneal Corneal and Ivar Wrightson to get possession of the ball before rounding the jet lagged Joseph Huntley, who was starting for the first time for the Sortherners.

Barons again slipped free of his markers ten minutes later to head home Phillip Stings delicate cross. The Sortherners, shocked somehow managed to stay two down until the forty-first minute when Mal Faustino, up for a corner headed home for a third. A quick fire double by Simon Ryne Olson completed a first half rout.

At the start of the second half it was clear that Sorthern Northland had no idea what to do, whilst Zwangzug felt they already had the game wrapped up and relaxed. Less complacency and Zwangzug could have easily got to double figures.

As it was Zwangzug settled down and decided that they needn't carry on. This calming down of the game allowed SN to get their heads back together and string a passes together and with around ten minutes to go, Ben O'Bagels low cross was met by Kim Min-Kim's boot for a consolation goal. Another similar cross by O'Bagels was met by Neuville Senna's knee for a second consolation goal and his fourth goal for his country.

A decent finish will have lifted SN spirits just a bit but the damage was done early on and was to much for the Sortherners to handle.

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

THE POST-MATCH PRESS CONFERENCE
Live From Central Prestonia

With Fr. John the Golden-Throated

"...come on, Father. You have to be disappointed.... a top-ten team held to a scoreless draw against a team that's only scored three goals and hasn't managed so much as a point previously. That's not disappointing... that's humiliating!"

"Not at all, my son. First of all, I stress that we remain undefeated and top of the group. Have you forgotten the Sermon on the Mount? "Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted. Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth. Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled. Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God. Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God. Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely..." Why, under the circumstances, it was practically our duty to permit Central Prestonia to get at least one point, especially given that we're safely four points clear at the top! Next!"

"Yes, Fr. John... I'm from Tynelia... What are your feelings on this new Tynelian New Othydoxic Christian Church of Reborn Othydoxy"

"The New Orthodox Christian Church of Reborn Orthodoxy, do you mean? I'm not personally familiar with this Tynelian church, but...."

"No, Fr. John, you misunderstand. I assure you that I did indeed say what I meant: the New Othydoxic Christian Church of Reborn Othydoxy. They pray to the Lord of the Scores to grant them the Sign of Victory - the symbol of the Hippo."

"What? How dare they! This is almost as bad as Margaretism! Worse, they besmirch and slander the name of the One True Church. If I could, I would call down anathema on their heads.... but the Holy Synod told me off the last time I tried to personally anathemise someone, so I shall merely storm out in stern disapproval..."

"But Fr. John... I'm from Errinundera... I wanted to ask you about the new Fr. David fan clubs springing up all over our country... Can't you...?"

"NO. I cannot! Not this evening, anyway. Hippos indeed.... What is the world coming to, I ask you? <grumble, mumble, grumble, mumble, grumble>"

"A superb victory over Vilita, Jean Pierre.... Our campaign is truly back on track after that little Grotewohl hiccup."

"Our campaign was never truly off-track, Jean Albert - almost without exception we have swept the opposition aside like so many crumbs of stale baguette through nothing other than the magnificent superiority of our philosophical world view. I laugh in the face of our puny opposition. HA HA HA HA HA HA. See? See how I laugh?"

"We have also mastered a fine line in wicked curling free kicks from the edge of the penalty area."

"True, but this is irrelevant. This is a philosophy tournament, is it not? Free kicks or no free kicks, the superiority of our philosophy is now surely indisputable."

"Which leaves but one question, Jean Pierre..."

"And what is that, Jean Albert? How to compare Sartre and Nietzsche's constrating conception of the individual in modern society? Whether 'tis nobler to smoke Gauloises or Gitanes? How many women the true philosopher should have on the go at once?"

"No, Jean Pierre.... the question is at what point we reveal our true tournament plan to Ordinary Reality."

"AHA! You are quite right. But I think not yet, Jean Albert. The time is not yet ripe. Let us toy with the mundies just a little bit longer.... Soon, all will be revealed...."

<Somewhere in someone’s basement the six robe wearing members of the The New Othydoxic Christian Church of Reborn Othydoxy stand singing and dancing as Tynelia’s 2-1 win over Tylero becomes final.>

Monk_01: We thank thee O Lord for showing thy kindness this day in granting thy team a victory in thy name over thy foes of Tylero. As the mightiest tree may be chopped down by the tiniest of axes in time, so too shall we come forth and gather new followers in thy name that more shall beseech thee for victory in thy name.

Other monks: Amen!

Monk_02: Brother, shall we begin our prayers for aid for the next match? Those foul Elves thrashed our team the last time we played them.

Monk_01: indeed brother, let us raise our voices to the heavens and beseech the Lord of hosts, he who did declare that the World Cup do indeed have hosts to run it in His name, for his aid against these foul inhuman demons who seek to steal that which belongs to the Lord alone. Immortality. Surely the Lord will look kindly upon our petition to smite his foes just as he did strike down the Tower of Babel a long time ago when they sought to equal the Lord.

Other monks: Indeed O Lord, aid us against thy foes!

Monk_01: O Lord, faithful as we are, we are few in number and the unbelievers around us scoff and scorn at us and through us thy divine self. Give us a sign our acts are not in vain. That we are not the raindrop striking the ocean. That there will be hope that our voices become a torrent to wash away the indifference of our fellow Tynelians who persist in their error of ignorance. Show us the way!

<Meanwhile, Mike McPhee is walking down the street by himself when suddenly a bright flash of light blinds him and he looks away when a voice addresses him>

Voice: Michael, Michael, why doth thou persecute me?
Mike: WFT? Who’s out there? Turn off the damned lights.

<the light’s dim and Mike sees a glowing soccer ball is suspended in the air>

Mike: OK who put you up to this? Nice special effects but a soccer ball? What a waste of the air to inflate it.

Voice: Mike, why do you seek to turn others against Me. I am a sign of unity to the world. No matter how people strive against each other, when on the field all other problems are forgotten and mankind is brought together on the field.

Mike: C’Mon magical mystery voice. Its soccer, I mean if you want to make the world safer because you put everyone to sleep that’s fine. But soccer’s still a waste and we both know it.

Voice: Have you forgotten what it is like to be on the field to the cheers of the viewers? The joy such feelings brought to you. I remember Michael McPhee.

<suddenly Mike and the glowing soccer ball arrive at a children’s soccer tournament where a young boy is walking with his parents carrying the trophy for the Most Valuable Player of the tournament.>

Father: Way to go out there son! Six goals in two matches. You were great!

Mother: I’m so proud of you Mikey.

Mikey: Mom, it’s Mike! I hate Mikey!

Mother: You’ll always be my little Mikey.

Father: And in a few years everyone in Tynelia going to know who Mike McPhee is. The high schools are already calling begging you to go there when you’re old enough.

<Mike and the Voice fade back to the present>

Mike: That was a long time ago dammit. I was young and stupid!

Voice: No Michael, it was a tragedy that coming home from that match your car was struck by a drunk driver and both your parents were killed. When you were in the hospital recovering from the back injury that prevented you from ever playing again, you came to believe that if you had not played soccer that day your parents would still be alive. And that turned you bitter and hateful against the sport that once brought you such joy since it took away the two people you loved the most.

Mike: How do you know all this?

Voice: I know all Michael. And I know too that it is time to end the hate before it is too late. I know deep down you were happy to see the team qualify for the World Cup that first time. But still you persisted. Now a small group of people have turned back to Me to support your team once again. And they need your voice Michael. The self proclaimed Voice of Truth, to show your countrymen that I am here and that I am waiting for their return to the fold.

Mike: So why me? There are other people who dislike soccer.

Voice: Because you are the face of these haters. If your voice suddenly joins those besseching me then, their number shall grow. Misguided somewhat in their believes perhaps but their hearts are good. Go then Michael. Let the joy soccer held in your youth come forth once more. Be the truth to yourself and it shall set thee free.

Mike: But, I can’t its been so long.

Voice: Your love for soccer has never truly vanished Michael, just hidden waiting to be rekindled once again. That is why I have come to you. Let the embers burn again and return my flock to me Michael.

Mike: But how, i…i.. don’t know where to begin.

Voice: Turn around Michael, your steps have guided you to this place. The enterance is there to your new life, your old life reborn once again.

<Mike turns to the door then looks back to find the glowing soccer ball gone>

Mike: How did he,it, whatever know all that. Some soccer cult here? That’s crazy but that voice knew everything. Ah probably no one’s home so what’s the difference.

<Mike goes up the steps and rings the doorbell as a robe wearing man answers it just as Mike is about to leave>

Monk_01: Can I help you?

Mike: I don’t know but I was sent to help you I think…

Monk_01: The Lord has answered our prayers. Praise Him!

Coach Pitu Kirui leads a not quite as ecstatic as he is Jariss team back into the locker room after the team could only manage a 1-1 draw with Bellzantium. The team now hits its tough finishing stretch trailing their next opponent Jaseuyeon by three points for the final playoff spot. With two of their final three matches at home the playoffs are still within reach.

Coach Pitu: My, what a most excellently played game against the Bellhogs..

Leni Banama: Bellzantium Coach.

Coach Pitu: Ah yes indeed that very team. And now we must play the Jazz club of Commerce Heights.

Leni: Jaseuyeon coach.

Coach Pitu: well, yes, I wish they would choose simpler names like Jariss for example. A fine, easy to pronounce country we have. And now we must strive valiantly again to gain ground to make the playoffs.

Fya Panai: Coach, did you just say you actually want us to win?

Coach Pitu: Oh yes indeed, Coach Hiniru called me the other night.

<Coach Pitu is cut off at the cheers coming from the team>

Goru Lyani: Is Coach Maru coming back? Did he say?

Coach Pitu: <frowning> Not at all Goru, he wished to tell me of the fine job I was doing, and of course yourselves too. He did mention something about needing more wins to move on so I thought it a most excellent idea. Just remember to be polite about it, that’s my big point team. It is quite alright to win a match as long as you don’t embarrass the other team. rather unsporting that is.

Joa Giranu: But if they embarrassed us then its ok right?

Coach Pitu: Oh my heavns no. You need to turn the other cheek and all that. Just because the other team is a bunch of thugs is no reason for you to do so. Now about those…um…that team we’re playing next.

Team: Jaseuyeon.

Coach Pitu: Yes, yes a very tough challenge for us. They’ve scored more goals than anyone you know. No doubt very unsporting in their results.

Leni: Yeah Coach but they only got one goal on us last time in their place. This time they’re coming to the Arena. And we know how to play defense.

Coach Pitu: Quite true Leni, we shall need a strong effort from the defense once again. A very difficult stretch we’re getting into but you are doing fine so far an I expect that you can keep it up for these last three matches.

Andre Miware: So coach am I starting next match?

Coach Pitu: Hmm, well yes I suppose so, you probably need to learn your lesson a bit more but its best for the team to have you out there. We shall speak of this later Andre.

Andre: Sure Coach.

Leni: Ok everyone get some rest. We’re playing for our playoff lives now so everyone be ready to go.

[Parriff] “A missed opportunity?” That is the phrase on the minds of every Bostopian football fan this morning, after Bostopia could only manage a draw with Abu Omar on the day third place Errinundera drew with The Lowland Clans. That draw keeps Errinundera 2 points off us in second place, meaning it will likely come down to the final day who will qualify automatically, unless a series of disastrous results should befall one of the top three teams.

Bostopia play Bushes Been Quaked and Rugiero in the two games before Errinundera, who play Rugiero and Kilmarnockshire before us. The next two games are must win for Bostopia, who will then need to hope for a good result against Errinundera should poor results not befall them beforehand.

For more on the story, Hayley Reanfeld...

Inside of a Church, in Grenholm village, just north-west of Glenrock.

A Vicar walks up the aisle toward the chancel, giving a sigh at the lack of attendance again. Only the ever-faithful bell ringers were there regularly.

He looked around at the plain white walls, broken occasionally by the odd monument to noblemen and their families past and the names of soldiers of wars past.

The stained glass windows allowed coloured light to filter into the medieval building, streams of which passed over the Vicar as he continued his slow walk.

The silence was broken by the door opening, and then the soft padding of a young child’s feet across the stone floor.

The Vicar turned and smiled, expecting questions off a curious young mind as to what the building was, why was it here, who comes here? However, he was off. The boy walked over to a pew, clambered onto it, and then bowed his head in prayer.

This had not happened in a while, but for one astonished Vicar after another, they suddenly found themselves in the middle of a new religious awaking in the young.

It looked like the introduction of Religious Education into the school curriculum had paid off.

The prayers concerned football, but it was a small step toward breaching the massive generation gap in Bostopian Protestantism that the religion had suffered from for decades.

Merano Regency
(somewhere in the "National News" section)

President Ben O'Bagels of Sorthern Northland, a left-winger in every sense of the word, visited Zwangzug recently in a trip marred by transportational mishaps. But this was not a state visit-Mr. O'Bagels was competing in the World Cup qualifiers. Despite the fact that he personally notched two assists, his side fell 5-2.

Due to snowball fights among ardent supporters of different budget policies (the Parliament is still undergoing difficulty in coming to consensus), the game was moved out of Zwangzug's normal national stadium. Instead, it was played in the Pallocci Pagoda, an oddly-proportioned entity that has drawn controversy from purists who do not want corporate entities (or as much of the latter that can be truthfully said to exist in a socialist nation) sponsoring stadia. In a prepared press statement, "Papa Pallocci" was quick to declare that his franchise was named after the stadium-not the other way around.

The game began as a 5-0 rout for the hosts in the first half, with a pair of goals for captain Jacob Barons doubling his lifelong tally, defender Mal Faustino scoring his first goal, and Simon Ryne Olson adding two more. Apparently exhorted at halftime to save some energy for future games, they were scoreless in the second half, while O'Bagels passed to Kim Min-Kim and Neuville Senna to set up the final score. Zwangzug has now, at minimum, qualified for the playoffs, but a third-place finish may be all they can muster: lower seeds Qazox have already beaten them twice, and a trip to Az-cz still looms.

Related coverage: page D16
*Sorthern Northland was not the only team to lose 5-2: How Noirthemme scored their first goals in 11 games, against the notorious Fire Ants.
*The triumphant return of the Daehanjeiguk team from a Dreamed Realm portal, and its implications.

The Albrecht Herald
C&M Out But Not Down
By Tracker Edwards

One-Nil. Ho-de-hum.

To some degree, one must applaud Mark Baker for his tactical variability. Known principally for his no-holds-barred approach to the game during his tenure at A.Turks, he has truly managed to re-invent himself. Perhaps it is merely part of his development as a coach – the three-pronged attack; wing-backs bombing forward; midfielders shooting on sight… these things made Baker’s club side one of the most thrilling in the league to watch, but hardly gave them measurable results. Now in the biggest job of all, is it any wonder that Baker’s Big Blues are more dully competent than pulse-quickeningly spectacular? At least playing like this, after small if satisfying wins against Kedalfax and Collonie; C&M won’t find ourselves labelled as flat-track bullies.

Mamdooh Momtaz’ return from injury was a highlight, the player’s every touch cheered that little bit more than the rest by home fans eager to put the country’s bad press of recent weeks to bed. His performance was subdued at times, and he and Speed Wang struggled initially to reform their understanding in the centre of the park. At times, frankly, the whole formation was a mess, though this may see credit due to Collonie; a fellow solid-but-unspectacular side that clearly have had C&M’s number where game plan is concerned since their clash in Barluck.

After fifteen minutes spent by both teams knocking it about in midfield – with C&M having the bulk of the play but to little effect, and another ten involving wasteful long-balls to Steven Fritz and his opposite number – neither of them being the tallest of men (or rubber… things…), it was a Collonie midfielder who blinked first; a sloppy back-pass seized upon masterfully by O’Sullivan Caras. The right-winger was in the right place at the right time by chance, but he still made the best of it; instantly pinging the ball into the lower right-hand corner on twenty-seven. As a mixture of farce and brilliance it was hardly illustrative of the game neither before nor since, but it gave C&M added impetus. The Collonie ‘keeper had a gratifying amount of work to do, up to half-time, producing super saves onto the bar from a Joey Pipes shot and a Peter Waddington header from the subsequent corner. Waddington could well have earned a penalty after being held back in the area during the second successive corner, but unwisely attempted to go for the shot which went harmlessly wide from a tight angle.

In a mirror image of the reverse fixture, neither side offered much in the second half; C&M content to sit back on the one goal lead. On this occasion it was a wise play. Our offensive five have proved themselves at this level at time, but their prowess is intermittent. And while four goals conceded at home to Az-cz and three at Qazox is nothing to be proud of; Waddington and Fu have formed a sturdy partnership and Luis Enrique Torrealba has proved himself a midfield destroyer par excellence. At thirty-one, his powers do not yet appear to be on the wane – as partially witnessed by his move up the coast to Albrecht FC this summer. Though he is the forgotten man of the Big Blues, finding half-way adequate replacement, if required, for World Cup 37 qualifying may represent one of Baker’s biggest challenges since getting the job.

It went almost unnoticed that results elsewhere yesterday meant that C&M are officially eliminated from the competition. Nobody at the MSS seemed to mind. The fans in the stadium know better than us: a win’s a win, and a chance to snatch fourth in the table is very much better than nothing.

Albrecht Herald Online/Sport/Football/Breaking News

Mark Baker has confirmed a series of major changes to the C&M side to face Az-cz. Despite brushing-off suggestions he was effectively forfeiting the game in order to concentrate on more winnable matched against Cookesland at home and Sorthern Northland away; the Big Blues’ coach admitted that there were “more obvious priorities”, and this match represented “a perfect opportunity to test the depth of our squad”.

The defensive changes see Kieron Tomlinson return from injury to replace Adrian Mazzeo and Damien Waterman – playing against a side where his small stature should be less of an issue – in for rested captain Peter Waddington.

Juan Carlos Revault is a straight swap for Luis Enrique Torrealba in front of the back four; Nate Adams and Jos Cornlisse come in for O’Sullivan Caras and Joey Pipes; Mamdooh Momtaz is moved back to replace Speed Wang; while in a 4-4-2 Yasser Zaghloul and Rex Sandstrom will play up-front with Steven Fritz also rested.

Momtaz, it was also confirmed, will become the first non-white player to captain the full C&M side.

With these changes, the full starting XI is;

GK Reuben Uwakwe

DR Damien Sono
DC Benji Fu
DC Damien Waterman
DL Kieron Tomlinson

MR Nate Adams
MA Mamdooh Momtaz
MD Juan Carlos Revault
ML Jos Cornlisse

F Rex Sandstrom
S Yasser Zaghloul

Meanwhile in Rooty Break (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Rooty_Break).


http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/InternationalHeraldTribuneMasthead.jpg
Your local newspaper with an expansive view

WET AND COLD WEATHER AHEAD FOR FROSTY HOLLOW

Senior forecaster at the Bureau of Meteorology, laocoon, is predicting wet weather leading up to the crucial final match of World Cup qualifying against Bostopia. “So far as I can see we have a series of troughs passing over the Plateau. This means constant rain over the forecast period. There will be a high pressure system eventually but, although that will bring relief from the rain it will also have it’s own problems: clear skies mean low temperatures. Expect severe frosts. Of course, Frosty Hollow, being the wettest and coldest place on the Plateau, will cop the brunt of the weather. It will either be subject to heavy rain or sub-zero temperatures. That won’t deter me or my two young sons. We’ve got our tickets and we’re looking forward to the big match. It could determine who qualifies and who has to go to the play-offs.”

WILD THEORIES ABOUT FROSTY HOLLOW

A new cult group, calling themselves the Errinu Appreciation Society, are claiming that the Dreamtime tree, Errinu, once lived on the very spot where the Frosty Hollow football ground is now located. Convenor of the society, ruitcakoo, says that it would explain the problems with the ground. “Just about every time an international match is played there some sort of disaster happens. It’s reputation for misfortune is legendary. The EAS has proof that Errinu is seriously annoyed and is punishing us for our sacrilege.” When asked what the proof was, ruitcakoo insisted that a person had to be an initiate in the EAS before the secret forest business could be revealed.

When we asked EFA convenor, imonedebouvoi, for a comment she pulled her hair and frothed at the mouth and screamed, “Typical. I suppose we will now have riots and an attempt to torch the stadium in order to appease some leech ridden figments of people’s imaginations.”

ROOKIE SAVES GAME FOR THE POTOROOS

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/otemki.png
otemki

Young first year Potoroo, otemki, came on as substitute for the out-of-form snaporoo in the 80th minute with her team trailing 2-1 against the Lowland Clans in the World Cup 36 qualifying match and saved the day when she intercepted a defensive pass and slotted the equaliser. To that point the Clans People had probably had most use of the ball, so for the Potoroos to come away with an away draw was probably a good result. With Bostopia also drawing, Errinundera’s hopes of qualifying directly have been kept alive.

Captain of the Potoroos, onito, was surprisingly upbeat despite uncharacteristically conceding 2 goals. “In terms of KPB ranking they are our biggest threat in the group. We beat them in Errinundera and drew with them in The Lowland Clans. That means we shade them head to head. If the next two rounds go according to tipsters then we will meet Bostopia in the final qualifying match to decide who goes to the Cup Proper and who will have to go to the play-offs. It’s going to be up to us if we make the Cup. There will be no-one else to blame.”

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/The_Lowland_Clans.png
The Lowland Clans 2
(37, 43)

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Errinundera.png
Errinundera 2
(avilmou 51, otemki 82)

Errinundera's WC36 scorers:
6 immelfar
6 snaporoo
5 breretond
4 avilmou
4 scerberu
2 froesu
2 otemki
1 agloir
1 onito
1 oovaroo

In a dark alley somewhere in Endmile’s capital Bloedmeer, Henri van Engels stands around waiting. A black limo with official State license plates pulls up and the door opens. Henri gets in without a word.

In the car is Endmile’s Minister of Football, Markus Doelen. He throws a thick envelope into Henri’s lap.

Markus: “Here. There are 25 tickets to Homieville on Endmile Air in there, as well as a hundred thousand Marx for expenses.”

Henri: “First class, I presume.”

Markus: “Yeah, right. You know EA doesn’t have first class. All citizens are equal and therefore get equally cramped, smelly seats.”

Henri: “I know. It was a joke. Lighten up, Markus.”

Markus: “Lighten up? Do you know how much trouble you caused me? Our relations with Squornshelous are really on the rocks, thanks to you hooligans.”

Henri: “Thanks to us? As I recall, you paid for that trip and told us to cause some trouble.”

Markus: “I said to cause a little ruckus, not to start a damned riot and get people hurt!”

Henri: “Ruckus, riot, what’s the difference? It certainly got people interested, didn’t it?”

Markus: “Well, yes our ratings went way up, but it’s not worth people getting hurt, Henri.”

Henri: “Look, why don’t you just stick to making announcements and kissing peoples arses? Let the big boys handle the rough stuff. Don’t worry your pretty little head.”

Henri pats Markus on his balding head.

Markus: “Well, just keep it under control this time.”

Henri: “Come on, would I let things get out of control?”

With a wink, Henri gets out of the car and closes the door behind him.

Markus: “I have, apparently. Driver, back to the house.”

It was getting tight. Yet another draw and suddenly qualification was looking precarious. Hacker was at least pleased that the defence had been holding firm, even though they needed a daring penalty from Treves to rescue a draw at Day- er, Dai- er, that team. The Swifts' defence was in the top five for parsimony and Hacker was convinced it only required a little luck to secure the goals that would in turn secure qualification.

Of course, the average Went did not know of this. A strike from the Paper Rollers and Egg Timers Union meant that paper was at a premium in Wentland and newspapers had been banned under the Bloody Hell We've Nearly Run Out Of Bogroll Act. Consequently, all that the Went knew was what Hacker had told them, which was that they were going to qualify easily and only dodgy refs were in their way.

Elven Times
And So The Scene Changes

Despite having absolutely zero media coverage over the past two months, the Marauders have done the country quite proud. As we all know, the country had basically shut down over the past eight weeks following the death of Florence Raynor, the Great Leader's mother. Yet the national team continued on despite the tragedy, having already qualified with three matches in hand, including an affair with the Tynelia squad whom the Marauders thrashed in their home stadium to an amazing five to one scoreline. It would be clear to anyone with half a brain that the Tynelia squad will no doubt be looking to extact some sort of revenge and pride from the fixture and Constant has decided to throw in the "B" squad for these last three matches as a result. For a look at the changed line up here is a diagram that I was able to get from the former captain.

van Posey
Aligon Shock Hocn
N. Kries Jaques Hawk Sonja
Xanxz
Fresco Hall

As you can tell, despite being the second string squad, this is still a very talented and potent eleven, and could easily come away with a result against Tynelia and definately match away in Aurendia with a proper dismantaling of The Sons of A Monkey also seem in store..

From what Constant was able to tell me in the few minutes I had with the manager, he has been impressed by Laborious Hawk quite a bit. He knew that the elf had the makings to be a great talent, but he had yet to show the grit on the national level that he showed time and time again in the domestic leagues. However, now put alongside a more defensive minded partner in the middle, Hawk has been able to get more into the attack and is the second leading scorer, behind only the ridiculous talent of Kiso Night. However, Constant is slightly concerned with Lopez' play in the back, and might be considering going with the more youthful Shock of Hocn for the Proper. Each of them have performed decently at the club level, but have had very few chances to show their stuff on the international level, so this could be quite a risk for the squad and could very well disturb the great chemsitry they have going on at the moment. Regardless of his decision, the squad is in the Proper and another step closer to achieving their ultimate goal in obtaining a title.

Elves Security Forces 3
Jere Jannian (38)
Nikali Rikard (56)
Cristi Kries (63)

Ad'ihan 0

Scorers
Kiso Night 10
Laborious Hawk 8
Nikali Rikard 7
Jere Jannian 4
Cristi Kries 2
Rick Cuellar 1

Schedule
MD1: ESF v Kampfers 2-0
MD2: Tylero v ESF 0-2
MD3: ESF v Assegai Developments 3-1
MD4: ESF v Ad'ihan 3-0
MD5: Tynelia v ESF 1-5
MD6: ESF v Aurendia 6-0
MD7: The Sons of a Monkey v ESF 0-1
MQF: Elves Security Forces v Squornshelous 4–1
MD8: Kampfers v ESF 0-3
MD9: ESF v Tylero 0-1
MD10: Assegai Developments v ESF 1-4
MD11: Ad'ihan v ESF 0-3
MD12: ESF v Tynelia
MD13: Aurendia v ESF
MD14: ESF v The Sons of a Monkey

Article by Luna Santapa

Finally the RP cutoff...

...for matchday twelve.

Matchday 12 Scores (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12934903&postcount=15)

(To avoid possible problems, the RP cutoffs and the scores of the last 2 matchdays (to be posted tomorrow and on Sunday) will be at the same hour as they were today)

After the match had finished, in a 1 - 0 loss to Bushes Been Quaked that saw Bostopia slip out of the automatic qualification places, a furious Kelly Firth stormed onto the pitch, totally ignoring the players.

She grabbed the match ball out of the referees hands, threw it up into the air and then volleyed it on the top of her foot into the now-empty Bushes Been Quaked net, a statement to her strikers that "this is how you score a goal".

3:23pm Trilan time, Saturday.

An entire industry stood on the brink of immense trouble. Two goals from Jose Cazarez had sent Kura-Pelland into a sensational 2-0 lead against a Milchaman team who were disappointing even against the expectations that fielding precisely two first-team players provided. Bookmakers' liabilities were at unprecedented levels; no in-play bets were being taken.

A special Trilan Police branch were investigating claims of match-fixing after the second goal was scored courtesy of a goalkeeping mistake a young child would wince at. Yafor 2 trailed The Comrade Emirates 1-0 too, and at this point the improbable route to World Cup qualification was still very much on.

Then normality returned. Three goals in nine minutes put Milchama in the lead; four goals in twenty killed off The Comrade Emirates; Alan Grahams scored an own goal in the 76th minute to seal the deal and save an industry.

'Bring on the Cup of Harmony.'

At home of John "Crazy" Bozat

Dazza: So why am I here?
Jill Bozat: Oh, we were going through John's place and found something.
Dazza: Oh?
Jill Bozat: I'm John's sister and I didn't know it was there. You didn't know either.
Dazza: This looks like an ordinary man's room to me.
Jill Bozat: There's a hidden room behind this wall, look.

<Jill uses a remote control to slide open the wall away, revealing a shrine to Dazza Dallas>

Dazza: Whoa!
Jill Bozat: Yes, he was a closet Dazza Dallas fan. He said he didn't like you but in reality he was obsessed.
Dazza: He was a complete wanker but this is ... beautiful, it's a work of art.
Jill Bozat: Yes, you are the Goddess and he adored you in all your nudity.

Dazza: And I killed him by sending him to Patusan! (breaks down).
Jill Bozat: Dazza, Dazza! It's not your fault.
Dazza: But he's gone now, part of someone's lunch or dinner. I can't bring him back!
Jill Bozat: we don't blame you at all. He had a good time while being in your team with his Goddess, he just got into trouble as he usually does.

Dazza: And I never slept with him either!
Jill Bozat: He would have wanted that but too late now.
Dazza: Well, I can't do anything now.
Jill Bozat: We want you to attend his funeral, and say something nice about him. He didn't have many real friends but he really had only you to keep him going in life.

Dazza: I'll be there (still crying)
Jill Bozat: well, it's a sort of funeral ... more like cremation and funeral. There's not much to bury.
Dazza: I hate losing players like this.
Jill Bozat: His life was football, pity he couldn't control that temper of his. It killed him in the end.

Dazza: OK, those bastards Patusan are in Jeruselem. They ate my John so I'm going make sure Jeruselem defeat them for John and your family Jill.
Jill Bozat: That's what he would have wanted. Thanks for coming Dazza, you're part of our family when though you did know it.
Dazza: The team is going win for John today.
Jill Bozat: I'll be there to watch too! Hey Dazza, when's the last time you got err eaten.

Dazza: Yesterday!

<Later>

The referee blows the whistle. Jeruselem had beaten Patusan THREE NIL. Police with guns were hanging around the Patusan team and fans in case they tried to eat someone.

Vephrall's two-nil loss in Ariddia really didn't come as a surprise to anyone. However, it still didn't technically knock Vephrall out of the running for qualification; everyone knew, though, that any remaining chance of snagging third place was purely academic.

The team being effectively knocked out of competition, however, wasn't even close to being the biggest news of the day. That award went to a great swarm of apparently sentient bananas. Unbeknownst to the Vephrese public, Dotsmens Agricultural Products had recently started importing bananas from the land of the Non-RPing N00b. A few of these bananas had leaked out into the nation, resulting in, among other things, the vicious attack on a thirtysomething man in Cenany a few months earlier. Only recently had Dotsmens realized what they were dealing with, and they immediately ordered a recall of all the bananas that had been imported from that nation.

It was too little too late, though. The population of sentient Orthodox bananas (yes, in case you forgot, they're Orthodox) continued to grow, and on 17 August 1736, the bananas collectively declared anathema on the population of Vephrall. However, in a maneuver that has puzzled the few Orthodox clergy in the nation, the bananas then proceeded to march to the nation's capital, where they ransacked the offices of the nation's most widely distributed newspaper, the Meice Journal.

Officials at the Journal offices who escaped the raid called its effects "devastating", and preliminary estimates indicate that it may take the newspaper 15 to 18 months to resume normal distribution. Federal authorities are launching a full-scale investigation and have banned all imports of bananas as well as all imports of any kind from the Non-RPing N00b until the investigation is complete.

Merano Regency: National News
Governmental Shutdown Looms
Composite Minister, Parliament Unable To Reach Budget Agreement

With the deadline for agreeing upon a budget approaching in eighteen hours, the Composite Minster and the Parliament of Zwangzug are still unable to agree upon a budget for the upcoming fiscal indefinite-time-period. If they cannot come to consensus by then, the government will have to call a special session. On a more pragmatic level, with no funding, nonessential services (such as media) will have to be shut down indefinitely.

Budget bills, unlike most laws, must be passed by a simple majority of the Parliament and then ratified by the Composite Minister. However, the Minister's ability to break ties in the Parliament when various proposals are up for vote still applies. All previous budget bills during the current Minister's term of office have been (along with all other bills in said term) ties which the Minister has broken (and in the case of budget bills, ratified as a formality). The election of new representatives, however, has led to the formation of a coalition which can independently hold a simple majority.

Members of the Infinite Power, Pragmatic Radical, Liberal Conservative, and Progressive Traditionalist parties (along with the sole representative of the Capitalism Now party) control more than half of the Parliament, and have overridden the minority to pass a bill which Composite Minister Ember Nickel (a pseudonym used in political affairs so that the busy Minister can be free from its weight in normal life activities) refuses to sign without a modification they are unwilling to make. The majority coalition insists on ending the bill with "No funds are to be alloted to the departments of Law and Order, Commerce and Defence." Nickel does not plan on ratifying unless another comma is inserted directly after "Commerce".

Despite the apparently irreconcilable positions, this is amazingly progress from previous debates. Older versions of the bill had "Order and Law" instead of "Law and Order", and the Progressive Traditionalists had a hard fight to get "Defence" instead of "Defense". And that's only the sentence describing where not to allot funds...Determining the exact ratios has consumed much of the Parliament's time.

The seemingly impending media shutdown would be devastating nationwide, of course, but perhaps hurt the national football team most. The squad moved into second place with a win in Kedalfax: forwards Simon Ryne Olson and Phillip Stings both scored. But group 3 promises to be a close one: while Zwangzug currently leads Qazox in wins, the Pheonix [sic] swept Zwangzug head-to-head. Zwangzug will visit group leaders Az-cz on the final matchday.

While guaranteed at least a playoff spot, the team may still fail to qualify. It presumably desires to participate in the Cup of Harmony if it doesn't qualify for the cup proper: however, the only people with the capacity to accept an invitation (announcers and half of the defunct Football Association) would be prohibited from accepting by a media blackout.

While there is no time frame for how long the deadlock could last, but hypotheses are ripe. "If you take the monthlong shutdown when Nickel was trying to write a book [an occurrence unfamiliar to most foreigners, as it predated Zwangzug's involvement on the world stage], and the attempts at a distraction during that baseball tournament that turned out not to affect things at all, average those out, you get two weeks. So things should be back to normal around then."

Charles Turing, one of the aforementioned announcers, made an independently calculation. "I'm pretty sure I'll be back on air around the time of the second round, if only to sum up previous events. And as long as this is being quoted to the newspaper and the international world, we automatically-"

He was then interrupted by broadcast partner Alan Babbage, who reminded him that as announcers, they could announce things to the international world anyway.

"Finally, I think he's ready to return to the squad."

"They'd be happy to hear that, they were so let down for MD11 they must of assumed that he'd be joining. But no you don't go through something like that with out at least going through some counselling."

"The psychiatrist did say that he was still affected by the whole event and would take some time for to himd to properly and finally resolve what's happened. But he has finally resolved the identity issues, he's shown good things on the field in one-on-one practice."

"So, he and the team start practicing together tomorrow..."

"Right..."

An echo reverberated around the room, the sound came from an unknown source, it seemed to be far away but still quite strong... Looking out a nearby window they could see a dust cloud. Something had gone terribly wrong.

---

"This is a BazFM Breaking News Headline. An explosion rocked the suburbs of Drago today as the Wilson Building in downtown Drago was destoryed. The building houses offices of a wide array of professionals including acountants, lawyers, psychiatrists and many others. We now take you to our person in the field. Lois are you there?"

"Yes, I am. Just moments ago an explosion tore through the normally peaceful area. The building a mass with offices and clientelle was rocked to the core. It is clear that the building is currently unstable and that quite a significant chunk of the south-west corner of building has gone. People rush out of the building trying to get on the mobile phone networks in the area. Which are cloged. I'm speaking to you on one of the few landlines publically available.

IT's pandemonium down here. The Fire-brigade, police and ambulances are all here working out what to do. It is to early for a death toll, we have no reliable estimate of just how many people where in the building when the explosion happened. We'll bring you more information on this tragedy as it happens, litterally hundreds where in the building when it happened."

New Qazian Press

Pheonix Stunned by Rain, Last Minute Goal

Clyde Misterson mave have ended Qazox' chances at directly qualifing for the World Cup. A goal 2 minutes into injury time sent the Pheonix home in third place with a 1-1 draw.

Despite Tomas Richter's goal in the 25th minute, and the downpour that filled most of the 2nd half, Qazox dominated this match, until Clyde Misterson's deflection off a corner kick by Rubber Chicken squirted through the mud and past Jon Serra, who was starting for John Freel, who had a sore left thigh. As stated before, the shocking draw drops the team into technically third palce, as they and Zwangzug are level on points, but lead with 9 wins to Qazox' 8.

So the final home match against Az-cz could decide the Pheonix' fate. A win, coupled with a Zwangzug loss, would just about earn the team it's first back-to-back qualifications, while a loss and a Zwangzug win would just about knock the team into the play-off brackets.

The match will be held at Qazian Memorial Stadium, Capacity 98,000. There are expected to be about 3000 standing room tickets available for the east end of the stadium, int eh open end of the stadium, which could mean the first 100,000 person attendance in Qazox history for a match.



Match Summary:
25': Goal (QZX) Tomas Richter
92': Goal (Collonie) Clyde Misterson

Shots:
Collonie: 2
Qazox: 9

Corners:
Collonie: 1
Qazox: 3

FOULS:
Collonie: 5
Qazox: 5


The NQP would like to congratulate the following teams for qualifing for World Cup 36:
Schiavonia
Milchama
The Holy Empire
Demot
Elves Security Forces
The Archregimancy

Meanwhile in Mount Ellery (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Mt_Ellery).

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/EveningGazetteMasthead.jpg

CELTIC COACH: RELEGATION BEYOND THE PALE

Coach of the Mount Ellery Celts, shanass, has blasted her team’s poor performance in the Premier League. “This is a proud club. We were a founding team of the EFA and have never slipped from the top division. Now we don’t even have a player in the national squad. We ought to be ashamed of our current position.” Although the Celts are two games clear of relegation they have a relatively difficult run home to the end of the season.

Not everyone is behind the coach in her call. A member of the Mount Ellery Football Club board, who asked to remain anonymous told us, “shanass is just putting up a screen to cover for the fact that she’s a useless coach.”

ARE GIANT LEECHES HEADING NORTH?

Reports are coming in from the plateau that the desiccated bodies of potoroos are being found north of First Creek Falls where the giant two-headed leeches escaped from captivity. Rooty Break sniffer wombat trainer, uriou, told us today that the sniffer wombats were finding them. “There’s a trail of the carcasses going back to the university. The weird thing is that the wombats are agitated by the discoveries. I didn’t realise they find potoroos as cute as we do. Perhaps they are disturbed by the thought of the leeches.”

The Evening Gazette can reveal inside information from the Errinu Appreciation Society who believe that the notorious Frosty Hollow is built on the site of the original Dreamtime tree, Errinu. “There are hitherto undetected psychic energy lines that radiate out from Frosty Hollow,” explained our source. “The leeches are able to detect this radiation and are following it to its source.”

When put to the convenor of the society, ruitcakoo, she denied the claims categorically. “That’s my brother ruitloo. He’s an idiot. I wouldn’t pay any attention to him.” We think it runs in the family.

POTOROOS SLIP PAST BOSTOPIA – QUALIFICATION STILL IN DOUBT

Group 11 spanner throwers, Bushes Been Quaked, upset proceedings in qualifying for World Cup 36 today when they unexpectedly defeated the fancied Bostopia outfit. The Potoroos know how the Bostopians feel. They too conceded a game to the BBQers.

Errinundera has benefitted from the situation by leapfrogging Bostopia into second position on the table after a comprehensive 6-nil victory over Rugiero here at the Cavern. “We thought that with a name like that they’d be more competitive,” says ipieomenico who received his second red card in the qualifying games shortly after scoring his first ever goal in international football. “withare was furious. He made me stand in the corner with chips stuffed up my nose. I don’t know what that was supposed to achieve. My team mates thought it was funny though.” Being reduced to 10 players for the last 8 minutes didn’t seem to matter as substitute striker, otemki, managed her second goal in as many games.

Despite the improved position in the table, the Potoroos’ chances of avoiding the play-offs haven’t changed. “It will still come down to our last match against Bostopia in Frosty Hollow,” explained ipieomenicu. “In fact, we could still conceivably miss qualification altogether. Bostopia and Bushes Been Quaked could both overtake us. How come all these B teams are doing so well?”

Captain onito was rested for the game so the shut-out can’t be added to her tally.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Errinundera.png
Errinundera 6
(breretond 23, avilmou 32 & 51, immelfar 39, ipieomenicu 82, otemki 88)

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Rugiero.png
Rugiero 0

Errinundera's WC36 scorers:
7 immelfar
6 avilmou
6 breretond
6 snaporoo
4 scerberu
3 otemki
2 froesu
1 agloir
1 ipieomenicu
1 onito
1 oovaroo

New Qazian Press

40 YEARS OF QAZOXIAN FOOTBALL...WHERE ARE THEY NOW?

(Please note WC 31 Qualifers took place in 1907, Qazox time, WC 31 was in 1909)

After the disaster that was World Cup xXx qualifing, no one expected what would happen just 4 years later during Qazox' 5th attempt at the qualifing for World Cup 31 in Vilita and The Lowland Clans. Former keeper, Reggie Hassok was named Head Coach just 2 weeks before the first match at Raging Penguins. The team also had acquired 11 new players just a month before, and placed in a group with Starblaydia, Andossa Se Mitrin Vega, Quakmybush and Raging Penguins, many thought that qualification seemed to be a very remote possibility. But a strong win in Raging Penguins and a 2-2-0 beginning lead into a match with the #1 team in the world at the time, Starblaydia. Reggie Hassok un-retired himself for the match and despite trailing 1-0 with about 5 minutes left, Qazox managed to pull off the 2-1 upset, dubbed by the press as the UPSET of the MILLENIUM.

But Qazox couldn't rest on those laruels for too long as they had 8 of the next 9 matches on the road, with the last of those being a rematch at Starblaydia. But boistered by the upset, Qazox went 5-2-1 during that stretch to keep pace with Satrbalydia, the only loss being to Spindomia. The rematch was slightly less dramatic than the first encounter as Reggie Hassok , un-retired one more time, played his final match ever in a stunning 2-0 road victory, dubbed by some as UPSET of the MILLENIUM II. But the work was not done as Quakmybush and Raging Penguins still held on close to Qazox, and after a Draw with ASMV, only one win or three draws over the last 3 matches stood between Qazox and the World Cup.

Nikea came for the 16th match and a scant 90 minutes later, the entire country erupted in celebration as Qazox finally qualified for the World Cup. The other note of these qualifers was the beginning of the Qazox-Assegai Developments rivalry, which saw Qazox demolish the rookies 10-0 in the lst match of the qualifers, in what was, at the time, the most lopsided shut-out in WCQ history. The two team would also meet in WC32 and WC33 qualifers.

At the actual World Cup, the team was drawn into Group B with New Montreal States, The Islands of Qatar, and Jeruselem. The lone high point was a 2-2 draw in the 1st WC match against NMS, but alas the team finished 0-1-2 in 4th place. But the precedent was set, Qazox belonged on the world stage.

So for simplicity's sake we'll just post the Newer players here (in Blue)

ROSTER:
NAME (age)


GOALKEEPERS
Alice Springs, (29)
Greg Wolfen (23)
Hernan Cortez (22)

DEFENDERS
Julie Winne (26)
Danielle Childress (31)
Ryan Holmes (21)
Adolf Limburger (22)
Eric Redsen (20)

SWEEPERS
Yossel Griffin (19)
Hiram Schultz (22)
David Star (23)

MIDFIELDERS
Hugh Dansie (30)
Christian Likens (30)
Fernando Turek (27)
Alexrandra Hotep (21)

WINGERS
Nelson Macgillivray (30)
Rene LaTreque, (32)
Aki Fa'Mau-Tana, (34)
Kyle Horton (19)
Regina Reginald (20)


So where are they now?
Alice Springs: Died in 1917 at age 37 due to complcations during childbirth.
Greg Wolfen: Playing/Coaching for Chivas Saxer in QFL, Age: 43
Hernan Cortez: Lives in Az-cz with wife and 3 children, Age: 42

DEFENDERS
Julie Winne: Head Coach, Qazox Athena (W-League) Age: 45
Danielle Childress: Married Rordia's Joanne Turner after Women's World Cup IV (1904); Former Head Coach of Sativaville's Women's team (WWC's 9-12); Currently living in Rordia w/wife. Age: 49
Ryan Holmes: Co-Owner of Holmes, Waston and Moriarity Law Firm in Gothika, Age: 41
Adolf Limburger: Died at age 42, the day before these qualifers due to home robbery attempt, when he was shot protecting his wife.
Eric Redsen: Playing for FC Fromburg in QFL, Age:40

SWEEPERS
Yossel Griffin: Current 2am Anchor of SportsNight on QSPN, Age: 39
Hiram Schultz: Lawyer for Holmes, Waston and Moriarity Law Firm in Gothika, Age: 42
David Star: Lawyer for Holmes, Waston and Moriarity Law Firm in Gothika, Age: 43

MIDFIELDERS
Hugh Dansie: Lives in Fromburg w/ wife and 5 Children, Age: 49
Christian Likens: Business Analyst, Channel 9 News, Joehio; Age: 47
Fernando Turek: HEAD COACH of National team (World Cups 33-present), Age: 46
Alexrandra Hotep: Current Assistant Head Coach of National team/Head Coach of River Vitas (W-League), Age: 41

WINGERS
Nelson Macgillivray: Professor of Natural History, Gothika State University; Age: 49
Rene LaTreque: Lives in Bruxen, Unknown occupation Age: 50
Aki Fa'Mau-Tana: Lives in Bettia, Customs agent Age: 52
Kyle Horton: Playing for Qazox City in QFL Age: 39
Regina Reginald: Playing for Iuguna de Mia in QFL Age: 40

SPECIAL INTERVIEW: Kyle Horton

NQP: Thanks for being part of the celebration of the 40th anniversary of Qazox Football.

Kyle Horton: Damn, it's that old, even older than me, but not by much. I remember watching the WC 28 qualfiers with my dad, and I knew then I had to play football.

NQP: So how does it feel to be a big part of Qazox football history?

Horton: I've never thought of it that way. We were just a bunch of people trying to be the best in the world at what we do and in someway we succeded. Ever since World Cup 31, Qazox has been in the sights of most every nation, either as a team to be feared or as a team they need to prove themselves against. Every team that has partcipated in the last 5 World Cups has either played against us in the Cup or qualifing or played someone that had played us, and I bet that they all say the same thing: "Glad we don't have to play Qazox."

NQP: For you personally, what was the best moment for you those two years?

Horton: Arriving in The Lowland Clans and seeing the crowds there rooting for us. It was mind-blowing. That and the goal I got against NMS that gave us the early lead in that match. Being the first person from your country to score a World Cup goal is always special.

NQP: One last question. How was Reggie Hassok as a coach?

Horton: Only one word i can think of: Intense. He demanded perfection during practice and when he came out of the tunnel in that first match against Starblaydia and told the referee that he was going to start, I had a feeling that somehow we'd win that game, for him.

NQp: Thank you for your time here today and Good Luck next season.


Next Issue: World Cup 32 squad.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cebumopolis.pngCebumopolis || 0 - 3 || Daehanjeigukhttp://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/daehanjeiguk.png

The Imperial Team Strikes Again!

http://www.raceandhistory.com/images/goldengoalscored.jpg

The Imperial Team struck three easy goals in an away qualifier that made amends for the earlier draw in Pyeongyang. To a team that was already conceding an early exit, defense held a firm ground as the offensive back made great strides once again to increase the team's dominance in qualifying for third position.

The team started out strong, with three shots in the first ten minutes. The pace of the match slowed, but the Imperial team remained firmly in control thoroughout the first half. It was only inevitable that Kim Daeeui's shot made a clear strike through from outside the 22 yard box at 23 minutes. In another strike, Kim Daeeui made it 0-2 in the 34th minute, leaving the half at a comfortable lead for the Imperial Team. At the outset of the second half, Cebumopolis made a desperate lunge to even the score, but Kim Yongdae held his ground firmly. The Imperial side recovered their speed and with substitute Kim Byeongji (for Seo Jeongweon) making the third goal in the 75th minute. It was the resounding cheers of the Imperial Team's visiting fans that greeted this last goal, and instantly the mood of the match changed significantly. The Imperial Team, confident in victory, controlled the match while the hosts soaked in another loss and another reason for failing to qualify.

Head Coach Cha Beomgeun was clearly pleased with the result: "They played well, and I'm very pleased that we came away with a clear and confident victory. I'm very glad that our offensive players were again able to find the net and make goals. We made it a good victory, and hopefully our next match against Jaseuyeon will confirm our right to qualify - if our willing perseverance to try to do so." Man of the Match Kim Daeeui was unable to give remarks, owing to a minor injury that required attention. Kim Byeongji, taking his place, said that the qualifiers were trying all of the players: "It's been very tough for all of us. We've been traveling over the world, and we've had little rest for our bodies. Practice makes us fit, but it does very little for recuperation. Hopefully, we'll be well rested for our match against Jaseuyeon, because they're a very good team."

Summary of Events:
23' - HAN Goal (#10)
34' - HAN Goal (#10)
75' - HAN Goal (#21)

GROUP 12

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 The Archregimancy 12 8 4 0 23 9 +14 28
2 Wentland 12 6 6 0 18 6 +12 24
3 Daehanjeiguk 12 6 3 3 21 14 +7 21
4 Jaseuyeon 12 6 2 4 25 13 +12 20
5 Jariss 12 5 5 2 14 7 +7 20
6 Bellzantium 12 3 2 7 17 19 -2 11 <E>
7 Cebumopolis 12 1 3 8 4 25 -21 6 <E>
8 Central Prestonia 12 0 1 11 3 32 -29 1 <E>


Ahead of the match against Jaseuyeon, Cha Beomgeun has announced the following line-up:

Kim Yongdae

Yi Sabik Pak Geonha Kim Donghyeon

Go Jongsu Yi Eulyong Han Paeng Heo Jeongmu

Kim Byeongji

Yi Dongguk Kim Daeeui

http://img329.imageshack.us/img329/1350/800pxmorningstartitlefu9.gif (http://imageshack.us)

President thankful for Zwangzug help

President Ben O'Bagels was quick to thank his counterpart in Zwangzug upon returning with the national football team. He said "We had a couple of problems on the journey to Zwangzug, first of all our plane was forced to make a crash landing, meaning it was unfit for flight for the journey back to Sorthern Northland, but Isolani Airlines were kind enough to fly us back. Our coach also broke down on the way to the stadium so we had to travel to the stadium on the efficient rail network they have in Zwangzug and thanks to them the game managed to take place. In a more capitalist country this would not have been possible and on behalf of the people Sorthen Northland I would like to extend my thanks to my counterpart in Zwangzug and the people of Zwangzug."

Plamer to become first Sorthern Northlander to play abroad.

Following many rumours, Corcaigh FC today confirmed they are set to sell keeper, George Palmer to Pernetas of Cafundeu. The deal is reported to be worth around V$2,000,000 with a part-exchange involving young keeper Julio.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/sorthern_northland.png Sorthern Northland 2-1 Cookesland http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cookesland.png

Sorthern Northland today welcomed Cookesland to the James Connolly Stadium, in a match for pride with both with both teams already having been knocked out of the tournament.

Cookesland started the brighter of the two team's and were the more dangerous with Barry Maxwell and Patrick Andolor, putting the SN goal under constant bombardment. But for the inspired form of SN's stand in keeper, Joseph Huntley, Cookesland could well have gone into the break three or four up. As it was they went in just one up having broken the deadlock after thirty-two minutes. Tom Tomsk stupidly hacked down Conor Huston who had just the keeper to beat, to earn himself a red card, banning him from the teams next match. Barry Maxwell curled the ball around the wall and just out of Huntley's reach and with the ball nestled in the top left corner of the goal Cookesland were one up.

Sorthern Northland were obviously disappointed with their first half performance and the ten men came out for the second half as a team reborn. Ben O'Bagels was moved to the right with Diago Maran substituted for Feng Shui who went over to the left leaving just Relondinho in the centre with the team playing a 4-3-2 formation for the second half.

Feng Shui's performance at the Oxen Cup were one of the highlights of the competition and along with Relondinho he brought SN back into the game. The first goal came after just five minutes of the second half had been played. A quick one two between Feng and Relondonho put Feng past the Cookseland defence, a delicate chip into the box was then met by the head of Kim Min-Kim.

Kim was again benefited from the trickery of Relondinho and Feng in the seventy-seventh minute after a quick step over by Relondinho frustrated Cookesland's Nick Salrisa into tripping him. Feng's free kick was then tipped onto the bar by Daniel Campo but Kim Min-Kim was first to the rebound to stab home the winner.

It wasn't that great a game or much of a performance by Sorthern Northland but following three heavy defeats in a row the Sortherners will just be happy to have got back to winning.

The director of TV1’s Game of the Weekend watches vaguely as a camera pans around the Ben-Degly Pagoda. He turns to a young producer hunched into a swivelly chair with a gormless expression and a large cup of coffee.

“D’you suppose anyone is actually watching this, Deb?” he asks her, sleepily.

It was two in the morning, long after most sensible Candelariasians’ bedtimes. And C&M, mindful of more winnable games to come against Cookesland and Sorthern Northland had put out a scratch side.

Deborah looks up at the massed ranks of screens showing the slowly-filling stadium from every angle. She wipes her eyes.

“Um. George… Is it just me, ‘cos I haven’t been up at this time for the worst part of a decade, but…”

“They’re naked, aren’t they?”

“That or there’s a fashion for skin-tight beige overalls… Gosh. I’ve never seen a gnome en le nu intégral before.”

The new cross-channel expressway between Albrecht and Arrigo?, George wonders to himself. “They’re not gnomes,” he chastises her, half-heartedly, “Just… a nation predominantly made up of the differently tall.”

“Every other country in the world thinks they’re gnomes… Gosh, look at that one. Heavens.”

“The citizens of most other countries are a tad more gullible than us. I’ve heard the same nonsense talked about elves… Crikey. D’you think we should be actually broadcasting this?”

An extremely rotund gnomish tenor begins to warble his way through O, Sweet Nation. George flicks a few switches and mutters “no crowd shots, guys,” into a microphone. The large screen showing the actual TV1 broadcast shows the image pan across the C&M players, lingering on each for as long as they can possibly get away with. Kn-Dg and Levesque kick off. George watches grimly as Nate Adams slices a ball high into the crowd. The camera shot follows dutifully. A plethora of small, tanned bodies dive for the ball.

“We’re going to loose our jobs over this, y’know, Deb. Grannies having heart attacks. Pregnant women spontaneously giving birth. We won’t have had so many complaints since the lesbian kiss on Holy Road. ‘Don’t suppose you’ve got something stronger than coffee available, have you?”

George sips his gin. “I ‘spose we should just be thankful they don’t go in for cheerleaders…” he mutters grimly.

George watches the ensuing madness for nearly two hours, slumping a little further into his chair on every play. The Az-czzers seemed content to wear their hopelessly under-experienced opponents out during the first half. C&M are forced to make do with shots from the half-way line or even their own half of the pitch. Ball after ball careers high into the stands. By half time the camera team, having rapidly organised their legal team for the seemingly inevitable industrial tribunal; throw caution to the wind and concentrate on picking out attractive women – or any being faintly resembling a woman – from the crowd. George shouts, pleads, and cries at them to stop but to no avail.

And then Ip-Gp scores one, and then Hmr-Pn scores one, and then Ip-Gp scores another, and in no time at all the rag-bag C&M reserves are trudging off the pitch.

The Director-General of TV1 comes marching into the room. That’d be my P45, then, George thinks.

“Daaarling!” Mercutio Jones cries, wrapping his arms around George and kissing his head. “Absolute genius, this man. Awful game, yes? Thumping loss, yes? Nakedness! Heavens, Georgie! Best ratings of the year. In this time slot. Beat Nightscreen, beat the Learning Zone, beat Things You Could Find In A Woman’s Handbag: Live… I’m thinking promotion, Georgie. Now tell me,” he continues, dropping his voice to a conspiratorial whisper, “These naked gnomes of yours. Where do we get one? I’m thinking cookery show, 9 PM, I’m thinking media phenomenon…”

An excessively flashy intro graphic for Aeropag Tribune Sports is shown. The intro transitions into this graphic, then cuts to two commentators seated behind a table:

http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/worldcup/graphics/matchsummary/wc36qpre/han/jsy/

BP: Hello, and welcome to the Aeropag Tribune’s live coverage of the qualifiers for the thirty-sixth World Cup in Cafundéu and the Unified Capitalizt States. Today we’ll be watching the crucial match between the new, but highly-skilled Han Empire team and the States’ very own 자스연 (Jasīʼyūn). I’m Brandon Pace—

CH: —and I’m Charlotte Hayes. As you’ve probably already heard, this match here at Emperor Gojong Football Stadium in 한영 (Hanyeong) will most likely decide Group 12’s spot in the qualification playoffs. Jariss is still theoretically in the hunt for the spot, but I fully expect the Archregimancy to get their job done today against them.

BP: As 대한제국 (Daehanjeiguk) is still a quite new team, the only meeting between these two sides was earlier in qualifying, when the 혜성즈 (Hyesūŋjī) handily defeated the Hans 3–1 back in the States. Despite that, they find themselves two points behind the Hans for the playoff spot.

CH: 대한제국 (Daehanjeiguk) will play Jariss on the final matchday, which could prove a stumbling block for them, as it did for 자스연 (Jasīʼyūn). On the other hand, the 혜성즈 (Hyesūŋjī) face a rather poor Central Prestonia side at home, whose only point, as you know, was earned in a fluke 0–0 draw with the Archregimancy.

BP: As we analyze, it appears increasingly likely that a win for the away team here would nearly guarantee them a spot in the playoffs, possibly leading to their first World Cup appearance in seven attempts. But while I’m sure the players down there are excited by the prospect of playing for the Cup in their home nation, they definitely need to focus on the task at hand before they celebrate.

CH: And, with that said, let’s go down to the pitch, where the players are just now lining up—자스연 (Jasīʼyūn) in their 4–4–2 and 대한제국 (Daehanjeiguk) in a 3–4–1–2—and it appears they’re ready to get underway. The Hans will take the opening kickoff, right after these messages.

RP cutoff for matchday thirteen.

Matchday 13 Scores (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12937685&postcount=16) - tables already updated

Amda-Mo: A 3-0 win over Candelaria and Marquez. I hope they enjoyed their time here with all of us non-humans. I personally quite enjoyed the display the Ulzaxids and elves put on before the match.

Lur-Mn: I enjoyed Ip-Gp's great play actually.

Amda-Mo: Let's talk about that. Ip-Gp's really stepped up since Pizelkaxrovsky's red card. How has he done that?

Lur-Mn: Who knows? Maybe the team was tired. Maybe he needed some time by himself to gain some confidence. But he's definitely back on form.

Amda-Mo: And the defense?

Lur-Mn: Fine as well. It's good that the team has coalesced around Pizelkaxrovsky rather than having him and Kn-Dg do all the work. The rest of the team isn't scrubs.

Amda-Mo: And how bout news from around the group?

Lur-Mn: Well Collonie has made things interesting for everyone with their draw against Qazox. We're amazingly back on top of the group. A win in either match sees us through to the proper. We just need to play better than we did last time around.

Amda-Mo: And the rest of the world?

Lur-Mn: Atheistic Right's stunning upset of Squornshelous makes group 4 very interesting going down to the end and Bostopia's tough loss to Bushes Been Quaked dropped them out of a direct qualification spot, as they try for their first qualification. Ariddia finally seems to be back on track.

Amda-Mo: How about looking ahead to the Qazox game?

Lur-Mn: We're counting on our experience carrying us past them. They've never qualified for consecutive cups so they might be nervous, especially in their last home game. If the team plays as it has been they should be fine. Ip-Gp and Pizelkaxrovsky are a very potent combination in the midfield and if they stay on form we'll find goals. The defense is a bit of a worry, but they've played well of late so.

Amda-Mo: It looks like we don't have enough time to get to the top six tonight. Join us back here next time after the critical match against Qazox.

Jeruselem Government News

Dream personality showdown!

Fr. John the Golden-Throated, the coach of The Archregimancy. Surely, he is purest man in World Cup football. Someone who can stand up for this faith, and say he is a true man of this faith. The Orthodox Church is lucky a man like him is leading this national football team and maybe, by God's grace, even a World Cup. I don't about this parent, but I'm sure there were upstanding people of faith too.

Right, then we have Lady Dazza Dallas of Jeruselem - Jeruselem coach for three World Cups and Jeruselem Ambassador to Ariddia. The second daughter of an Ariddian immigrant who was a whore. Dazza's father is famous football coach but Dazza's father is not Dazza's mother's husband. So basically, Dazza is an illegitate daughter born out of wedlock. Bascially, Dazza whores herself around in anything she does and it works. She's got a family, a business empire and is the most famous person from Jeruselem apart the biblical characters and Jesus Christ. She is most famous for lack of shame with nudity and obscene exposure in public.

The teams from The Archregimancy and Jeruselem are very different too. The teams of Monks is easy to work out - all are Monks and well, all are pretty close to their faith. Compare that to the motley crew called the Crusaders. It's full of immigrants, Jews, Arabs, Catholics, Cyborgs, Monks, Nuns, and of course, Dazza Dallas relatives. The World Cup 35 Captain was a porn star who has retired now, but the current one is Rashina Dallas - an army Major.

Interview styles are different too. Fr. John the Golden-Throated is not exactly friendly and tends to be rather grumpy at the hearthens around him, and he has his own style of media interview. Dazza Dallas is super media friendly! Short little women in skimpy or no clothes who trotts around giving free interviews, and she is also an expert on the other side of the microphone too. No secret who people prefer to talk to. One wants to save the world from damnation while the other just wants attention - even if it means being obscene.

So maybe, what happens if you get a Catholic whore vs the Orthordox Monk? I don't think the two have ever met! I think it's about our Dazza takes on the Monk. The man of God vs the woman who's almost a Goddess in her own right. Let's hope it can happen.

Our Dazza is no lightweight, she's actually got a degee in Theology and she's certainly not stupid.

After the game, inside the dressing room of the Sector Delta Sporting Field (completely white, with oxygen masks and lots of medicines for the players):

DR.ZETTI - "We're in the World Cup! We've qualified! I can't believe it!

THE MACHINE - "Yes, our objective was achieved. And we did more than expected, defeating Schiavonia once and Rejistania twice."

DR.SABIN - "Yes, with this form, we can do a good job in the World Cup!"

DR.QUEVEDO - "I think that you are overestimating our team, Letícia. We are playing well, but there is still much to do to make a good campaign in the World Cup. Let's use our qualification as an opportunity to learn something when playing in Cafundéu."

DR.ZETTI - "Yes, I think you're right. But will we really play in Cafundéu. Can't we go to the Unified Capitalizt States?"

DR.QUEVEDO - "I think not. As Estresse Intenso is a neighbour country of Cafundéu, there can be some agreement about putting one in one of the Cafundelense groups."

THE MACHINE - "It's good to get prepared. We won't be welcome there. Some supporters can try to hit us or something like that, as they're our rivals."

PROF.BANGU MELO - "But the most dangerous things are our opponents. Top level nations."

THE MACHINE - "Yes, I'll have to prepare some special tactics to defeat them."

PROF.CADETE - "But when there is nothing to do, like in the game against Schiavonia..."

THE MACHINE - (sad) "Sorry about that game. I tried... I really tried. I changed the formation, created some plays, but couldn't find a way to hold the draw against them. It was my fault, I admit."

PROF.CADETE - "It wasn't my intention to blame you for our loss against Schiavonia. You did your best, they simply were the best team. You are one of the main reasons of why our team qualified."

DR.ZETTI - "There is still one game in the qualifiers, let's remember this."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In a famous bar in Estresse Intenso (outside the Institute)

BE CALM TV - "And the game finishes... Estresse Intenso one, goal of Doctor Zetti, Rejistania zero. Estresse Intenso is qualified, and Rejistania will have to win the last game to qualify. If Rejistania wins, there is a good chance that they'll go to the playoffs. But the most important thing is that our team is qualified, and can go to Cafundéu, the country of our rivals!"

SUPPORTER 1 - "Yeah! Let's go there and destroy those futile capitalists!"

SUPPORTER 2 - "Yeah! It's time to defeat the dumb monarchists!"

SUPPORTER 3 - "Bring me my lunch, waiter! I want rice, beans, a beef and potatoes. And bring me a guarana soda too!"

SUPPORTER 1 - "I heard that our president will travel to the Landau Institute to give a prize to the players."

SUPPORTER 2 - "The important is to go to Cafundéu, to see our team winning more games."

(Supporter 3, eating, reads a newspaper)

SUPPORTER 3 - "Look at this. A supporter invaded the field in Qazox to attack the referee. The referee was one of the most valuable in points according to the Cafundéu Contest. The referee was Father Lucas the Fair, a famous referee from The Archregimancy. When the supporter was going to hit him, the monk talked with him, and converted him!"

SUPPORTER 2 - "Really? He was the third placed in the overall standings of Cafundéu's contest."

SUPPORTER 1 - "And the first placed attacked again, attacking Lionel Brachius from Vilita. He was whistling the game between Daehanjeiguk and Commerce Heights Jas...something. The referee was a professional wrestling fighter, and captain of Vilita's army, but the supporter's attack was successful."

SUPPORTER 3 - "So he won a lot of points."

SUPPORTER 1 - "You know, I think that I'll try to attack a referee in the next matchday."

Meanwhile in Malinns (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Malinns).


http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/MalinnsCosmos.jpg
We aim high

SNAPORIFIC

Being the great great granddaughter of snapier (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Snapier), perhaps the most revered woman in modern Errinundrian (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera) history, is quite a heavy branch to support but local magistrate (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera#Mayors_and_Magistrates) and football star, snaporoo, is managing it with aplomb. In the penultimate qualifying match for World Cup 36 the Potoroo (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera_National_Football_Squad) vice-captain continued her consistent form with 2 goals against the hapless Kilmarnockshire (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/page=display_nation/nation=kilmarnockshire). On returning she handed down her decision in the case of Lentil Harvesters Collective v Malinns Gold Prospecting Ltd before preparing for the all important match against Bostopia (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Bostopia) at Frosty Hollow (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Frosty_Hollow) tomorrow.

But that’s not all. The 33 year old has her own weekly radio program “The National Interest” which is broadcast throughout Errinundera on the EBC (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera_News_Media) and is the illustrator of several award winning children’s books that are immensely popular with people of all ages.

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/TerribleFatesareInevitable.jpg
Illustration (http://www.shauntan.net) from “The Red Tree”

And all this is juggled with a partner, ewildere, and three children, snapere, ewildoroo and hateve. Says ewildere, “We’ve timed the children pretty well, what with the World Cups and all. The children were born not long after World Cups 33 (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/World_Cup_33), 34 (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/World_Cup_34) and 35 (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/World_Cup_35). You could say she comes back from the World Cups feeling pretty horny.”

Captain of the Potoroos, onito, is in awe of snaporoo. “I find it hard to balance being a footballer and an historian. This worman is remarkable. Where does she find the time?” The respect continues onto the football field. “Snaporoo doesn’t have the skills of the other forwards such as avilmou and breretond but if you ask who is the most effective player then the answer is more complicated. She has uncanny judgement and this compensates for her comparative lack of pace and natural skills. That she’s currently our leading scorer is a testament to her intelligence and her dedication.”

Famous jurist and diplomat, snapisnapiestu (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Snapisnapiestu), is proud of her niece. “snaporoo is a marvel. Not only has she all those intellectual accomplishments but she’s also an ornament to the beautiful game. I couldn’t play football to save my life. It is the one regret in my life. In the future people will look back at the snap dynasty and say I wasn’t quite on the same level as snapier or snaporoo.” We think snapisnapiestu is being unduly modest.

The social views of snaporoo are apparent in her judgement handed down earlier this week in Lentil Harvesters Collective v Malinns Gold Prospecting Ltd. We shall quote from the decision. “The rights of collective members must always outweigh the aims of profit making corporations. Such corporations always seek to override human rights for the sake of profit. The magistracy has always taken the view that, in a democracy, the community must be considered paramount while the profiteer may only proceed after all other considerations are dealt with.”

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/snaporoo.jpg
Renaissance woman

Local fans are proud of the captain of their local team, the Panners. We ventured out into the collectives and sought the usual opinions.

edlentilu (member of Lentil Harvesters Collective): We love her. She gives them what for on the football field then she does it all over again in the court room.

channadalu (sniffer wombat (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Sniffer_Wombat) trainer): My wombat, bozo, and I love to sit in on her court hearings - we’re making sure no illegal items are brought in, you know – she really gives the bastards a hard time.

shauntan (http://www.shauntan.net) (secondary school student): I was so depressed I was thinking about going to Big Tree Camp (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Big_Tree_Camp) and jumping off the highest branch of ITEN. Then I read “The Red Tree” and it changed my life.

rajmadalu (moss collector): She should have been made captain of the Potoroos. Giving the captaincy to that young upstart from McKillops bridge (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/McKillops_Bridge) was a plot by those big northern cities.

masoordalu (teacher): We watch the matches on a screen in the local community park. Whenever snaporoo touches the ball I get so excited I just about wet myself.

We approached alockett, bootstudder for the Potoroos for his assessment of snaporoo. “With the singlemindedness of a greyhound she just plugs away. Her persistence always wins out in the end. You can have superstars in a team but you must have the snaporoo types whom you know will be consistently brilliant.”

TEAM ANNOUNCED FOR QUALIFYING DECIDER

The EFA (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera_Football_Association) has just released the team for the match against Bostopia

Forwards
snaporoo
immelfar
avilmou
breretond
otemki (sub)

Midfielders
agloir
aptai
scerberu
henyua
tevow (sub)

Defenders
froesu
aryre
evastatio (sub)

Keepers
onito
etrelik (sub)

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Kilmarnockshire.png
Kilmarnockshire 0

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Errinundera.png
Errinundera 3
(avilmou 40, snaporoo 47, 77)

Errinundera's WC36 scorers:
8 snaporoo
7 avilmou
7 immelfar
6 breretond
4 scerberu
3 otemki
2 froesu
1 agloir
1 ipieomenicu
1 onito
1 oovaroo

(ooc: Nothing never mind you didn't see this post.)

New Qazian Press

Pheonix Down to Last Match

A record crowd of 100,567 people went home very dissapointed today as Az-cz came to Qazian Memorial Stadium and walked away with a 4-2 victory, which clinched a World Cup berth for the Gnomes.

Fe-Do started it off in the 16th minute with a blast from 15 yards out. Then
Pizelkaxrovsky made it 2-0 just 12 minutes late, and a goal from EE-Or in the 35th minute stunned the crowd into dead silence as it was 3-0. But greg holden and Yancy Fry managed to cut the lead down to 2-3 by the 63rd minute, but Fe-Do slipped home a second goal to make it 4-2 Gnomes.

The Phoenix now are dependent on Az-cz to get them into the World Cup directly. An Az-cz win or draw at home against Zwangzug, coupled with a Qazox win over Cookesland, will see the Pheonix into the Cup.


Match Summary:
16': Goal (Az-cz) Fe-Do
28': Goal (Az-cz) Pizelkaxrovsky
35': Goal (Az-cz) EE-Or
40': Goal (QZX) Greg Holden
63': Goal (QZX) Yancy Fry
76': Goal (Az-cz) Fe-Do

Shots:
Qazox: 9
Az-cz: 16

Corners:
Qazox: 9
Az-cz: 16

FOULS:
Qazox: 9
Az-cz: 16


Qualifers from Other Groups
Schiavonia and Estresse Intenso have qualifed from Group 1
Milchama and Sel Appa From Group 2
Az-cz From group 3
Bettia From Group 5
The Holy Empire [AIF] and Vilita from Group 6
Demot and Oliverry from Group 8
Jeruselem from group 9
ESF from Group 10
TLC from Group 11
The Archregimancy from Group 12
Congrats to all of those that have qualifed.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/daehanjeiguk.pngDaehanjeiguk || 0 - 1 || Jaseuyeonhttp://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/commerce%20heights.png

A Narrow Loss, but a Great Divide!

http://blogs.timesunion.com/worldcup/wp-content/uploads/2006/06/57625910JF168_Group_A_Germa.jpg

While it was one great victory the previous match, it seems wasted against today's slender loss that puts the Imperial Team precariously close to bowing out completely. Jaseuyeon steals up the positions to third place, while the Imperial Team falls back to 4th position. Today's loss puts the Imperial Team at the greatest to fall out, although expectations largely expected the very result.

The match was an even match for both sides, with no real expectations to break the deadlock soon. However, a quick stride for Jaseuyeon and they put up one goal ahead of the home team 0-1. For the remainder of the match, it was an even contest between the two sides, as defense and offense equally dominated the game, making the contest even more rigorous in the midfield. It was unfortunately all deadlock for the remainder of the match, and any substitutes on either side could not increase the edge. At the end, the one goal separated the two sides. Following the match loss, Kim Yongdae admittedly apologized to the fans: "It was a bad call on my part. I'm not trying to say that the shot wasn't good, but on a better day, I could have saved that one goal. It was an early shot, and I didn't quite expect it so early, but there's little room for excuses at this stage."

Head Coach Cha Beomgeun also shared comments, reflecting on the precarious position the team faced. "We're not out yet, but it's going to be very tough and dependent on Jaseuyeon's efforts against Central Prestonia during the final match. Our final match will take us to Jariss, which will be admittedly difficult, but in order to pass to the next round, we will have to win this match and Jaseuyeon will have to lose their match. Honestly, I can see a victory for us against Jariss, seeing as we fended them at home to a victory. They might be relenting in their tactics to hold our offense, but I will be pressing our players to push forward, regardless of what happens in Jaseuyeon. We will win this next match, and we will hope that the heavens favor us." He also added later in his comments: "If we had to lose to any team, it would be them; they're good and in good form. If we don't make it, I hope that they do."

Summary of Events:
20' - JSY Goal

Cha Beomgeun has announced no change in the lineup for the match against Jariss, citing no need to change a good starting team.

Raidyo Yum PC news brought to you by Lovely Rump PC and read by Haneef Haneef...

... the diagnosis of mad tortoise disease from eating infected reptiles. The minister for health, Rajid Brunawi, said it was a shame that the entire village had to be put down.

Turning to sport and more news has come to hand about the fate of the Darts, Patusan's national football team, in Northern Bettia. According to latest reports the entire team was devoured by wild fire ants. An official from the Patusan Football Association told us exclusively that a scratch team had to be sent express to Northern Bettia. "Even the B team was able to win 3-2. I don't know why Northern Bettia is rated so highly." The Prime Minister has declared tomorrow a national holiday to celebrate the glorious sacrifice of the Darts A team.

In business news, CEO of Delish PC has made representations to the Northern Bettia government about procuring fire ants for Patusan...

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/cannibalpot.gif

THE MONASTIC TIMES

MFA SPOKESMAN REJECTS MEETING WITH DAZZA DALLAS
Tynelia Anathemised

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

With the Archregimancy coasting to first place in Group 12, siz points clear of second with only one match to play, attention in the Holy Monastic Republic has turned to base strumpet Dazza Dallas' offer to meet MFA spokesman Fr. John the Golden-Throated and engage him in theological debate.

Fr. John was, predictably, outraged, as was virtually the entire nation. "The thought that I would want to even acknowledge the existence of this irreligious naked wanton whore fills me with contempt and disgust" said an angry Fr. John "She demeans her entire sex with her casual promiscuity. The act of physical love is not something to be so casually cast about; it diminishes one of the Lord's most precious gifts; and before anyone accuses me of being an out of touch celibate, I would remind you that Orthodox parish priests - unlike their schismatic heretical Catholic counterparts - are allowed, nay expected, to marry. Many in the Holy Empire will remember how I was widowed through the tragic loss of my beloved Tamara before I became a monk" added Fr. John, poignently and unnecessarily.

The Monastic Football Association and the Holy Synod were quick to leap to Fr. John's defence, with one senior Metropolitan, speaking on condition of anonymity noting that "we realise monks sometimes approach issues of sexuality differently, but we can't be the only people disturbed by this woman's behaviour. We urge others to speak out."

In other news, the entire nation of Tynelia joined Az-cz this morning in being anathemised by the Orthodox Church of the Holy Empire following the nation's embrace of a heretical, and possibly heathen, cult whose provocative name raises suspicions that said cult is trying to falsely claim the mantle of Orthodoxy. This newspaper accordingly refuses to even mention this cult's name until Tynelia rejects its influence.

[OOC - I'll be changing my roster thread in the next couple of days (when I find the time) to reflect the following RP; but assume the philosopher roster holds 'officially' IC'ly until after the qualifiers.]

IT'S....

THE PHILOSOPHY WORLD CUP SHOW

With Basil and Theo!

"Basil!"

"Theo!"

"What are we talking about today... this isn't football..."

"No, Theo - seem's like we've been roped into presenting the results of the Holy Empire's philosophy debate versus British Londinium."

"By why, Basil? And why does the debate hall look like a football stadium? And why does the scoreboard read 'British Londinium 1 - The Holy Empire 3. I don't understand... I don't know the first thing about this, erm, err... I don't even know how to pronounce 'exits-tents-a-lism'"

"We'll just have to wing it, Theo. Anyway... I think we're on air. Just smile and fake it! ..... And joining us in the studio for a post-match discussion are Jean Paul and Jean Gaultier, famous Imperial French philosophers, who - according to this helpful handout I've just been given - have been crushing all opposition in the philosophy world cup. Twelve wins, one draw, and the best points differential in the competition. Jean Paul, to what to you attribute your success? A Nietszchean discarding of morality, or a more Sartrian approach."

"Neither."

"I'm sorry....?"

"Oh look, I can't keep up this charade anymore. My name isn't 'Jean Paul', it's Alexius Ducaso-Murtzuphlo, and I'm not a philosopher, I'm a defender for St. Mary's City."

"It's true! Every word! And I'm not Jean Gaultier! My real name is Basil Synadenuso! I'm a forward for New Nicea!"

"But.... but why haven't we recognised you, then? Basil and I know every footballer in the Imperial Premiership - and we should recognise two top-class players like yourselves..."

"You haven't recognised us because we've been forced to wear these stupid masks. I'll peel mine off right now!"

"Gosh. You really are Alexius. I'm stunned. Gobsmacked."

"Me too, Basil. But why? How?...."

"Because the Holy Empire Football Association thought we could lull the Ordinary Reality teams into a false sense of security if we pretended that we didn't understand the tournament, if we pretended to be a bunch of fruitcake philosophers from some stupid ER1 reality nation. After the miserable Cup we had last time around, with that An Egg farce, they decided they needed to try something completely radical."

"And it worked, Alexius! Look at our record! We've smashed the opposition! We've been invincible! Take this form to the World Cup, and we'll finally win the whole damn thing! It's ours for the taking!"

"Look, lads... sorry to burst your bubble - and congratulations on the success, and all that... but, well, don't you think you've blown your cover a little too soon?"

"What do you mean, Theo?"

"Well, Alex, it's just that, if the whole plan was to lull the opposition into a false sense of security, wouldn't it have been better to wait to make this dramatic announcement that you're really all top international-class footballers until after the final?"

"Oh. Oh bugger. I didn't think about that."

"No.... very clearly you didn't..."

"That's it, Ralphy went too far. Trying and failing to blow up the offices of Everett's pyschiartrist while he was there just too much..." Leon Green's man in Bazalonia exclaimed as the true situation in regards to the attack finally stopped to be sensationalised. It wasn't as dramatic as the Bazalonian media made it seem only a few tens of people died. Though about a 110 were still injured.

He had been keeping a watch and knew the place where he would be spending the night. It was a sheer matter of politeness that night. Ralphy would find someone waiting for him in his bathroom.

"What the f... who are you."

"Sorry, Ralphy but we can't have the Bazalonians finding you!"

He pulled out a silenced gun and fired, the muted sound exploded out of the gun, hopefully it wouldn't attract too much attention but either way his job has been done and he needed to get out of there straight away.

Opening the front door to leave he found himself looking at a member of the BFP... "Excuse me sir, but we need to speak with you."

"Crap." he exclaimed There was only one of them, but it was clear there was others around, and with the normal operation of these sort of people. Any and all obvious exits would be blocked. If he was to escape he'd need to make his own. The room was on the second level of a motel complex he'd need to get down there quickly and Safely.

It was the spurr of the moment thing as he just pushed the BFP officer into the fence and ran back into the room he just came out of. He had a plan, make it look like he had gotten out of the bathroom window. Locking the door behind him.

Purposefully getting blood on his hand (not on his fingers) he started to go out the window, but pulled himself back and started to slide under the nearby bed, it was a close fit but he managed to get there before the BFP forces forcibly broke open the door. They spread through out the room "Clear", "Clear", "Clear" they said. "He blooming went out the window. Roger stay here and wait for the crime scene people. We want to know who this is and happened here. Perhaps this isn't over yet."

"Roger"

...

Minutes later second the Rightist eased himself out the otherside of the bed, and knocked the BFP officer out before fleeing... "Always Check" he said before fleeing the scene. He had a hide out ready to properly clean up and head back....

--------------------------

"Crap this is stupid, those darn monks, those moralistic and backward idiots. Being naked is natural, you don't get born with clothes on do you? No, of course not. Sorry but I'm leaving the team. I've got something planned that should put a pipe up their stocking and smoke it."

A few days later, Jacob was on TV in all his naked glory....

"Greeting to Soccer News Now, First up the misguided monks deny interview with international soccer beauty Jeruselem's own Dazza Dallas. Calling her an 'irreligious naked wanton whore'. Irreligious, that's a big plus on any rational mans checklist, naked, Anyway I'm am sure this Friar John, The Golden Throated is frequently naked when he's at home. What about when he has a shower, it's just idiotic to judge anyone just because they are naked more often... just like me, and finally do you really want a non-wanton whore, the oldest and most respected of professions doesn't need this type of thing. I heartily condemn the MFA for their holier-than-thou hypocracy. I would like to offer a friendly hand and invite Dazza Dallas to come here and co-host the show with me. So Dazza what do you say?"

The Albrecht Herald
Fourth-place finish in C&M sights
By Tracker Edwards


On a downright peculiar day’s play in Group 3; the Big Blues were the only team to run to form, taking a horribly tight one – niller from the MSS against Cookesland.

Certainly it was a better performance against the now World Cup confirmed Az-cz earlier this week, albeit against a considerably weaker outfit. For all the praise heaped upon some of the youngsters in the squad, these last two games only helped to prove that Adams, Cornelisse, Sandstrom et al are far from ready to warrant a place in the starting XI. Indeed, it has to be wondered how much forward progress has been made over the last few months – Baker’s team against Sorthern Northland shortly is likely to be identical to that put out in the 2-2 draw against Qazox many moons ago.

Still, the manner of the general performance here, if not neither the result nor the fraught last twenty minutes, provides hope for the future. Cookesland may have had even less than us to play for, and Sorthern Northland – coming off the back of an utter demolition of Kedalfax – will provide a sterner test than both the Blue Owls today, and their own young guns at the MSS. But the midfield paring of Mamdooh Momtaz – now fully recovered from injury – and Speed Wang combined masterfully to dominate the game. That both – desperately ironically in Wang’s case – lack real pace nor a physical presence, provides a delicate heart to the C&M midfield that Az-cz and Qazox among others have already exposed. Against our fellow lesser lights though; they are a cut above, at times so accurate and inventive that the rest of the team are left as befuddled as to their forward-thinking motives as the opposition.

Reynold and Despon, the central paring yesterday for Cookesland, were given a torrid time, forced to defend on their area against the onrushing Wang and Momtaz for much of the game, unable to find a way past the once again immense Torrealba on any of their few breaks forward. Our diamond three are all too close to the wrong side of thirty; and while Momtaz’ years spent in the less stressful world of amateur football should provide him with a few extra seasons than most, it’s a distressing thought that this fine threesome will have so few opportunities to shine.

The single goal came shortly before half time, cheered to the rafters by a home crowd quickly realising that “One-Nil to the C&M” may become a chant worth practising. It was primarily Cookeslandic goalkeeper Daniel Campo to blame, producing only a weak punch against an equally weak O’Sullivan Caras from a pin-point Wang through-ball. The ball went straight back to Caras, who made no mistake this time to notch up his second of the campaign.

The second half should have produced more, and C&M in the long term may learn to rue their profligacy. If our side is to be defensive, we must find a front-line that can be guaranteed to put their fair share away. Both Momtaz and Wang missed good openings, but it was Steven Fritz who wasted too many efforts.
After some time under siege, and with Fred Denou and Nick Salrisa buoying the team after match-saving tackles on Fritz and Joey Pipes respectively; Cookesland found the confidence to press forward. Their aim must always be to get the quality strike force of Colin Short and Barry Maxwell in to play, and for the first time in the game they began to do it. The surely uncritisizable Reuben Uwakwe was a pillar of strength in goal, making an incredible double-save from Maxwell after the striker’s change of pace had left Benji Fu in a heap. Uwakwe’s acrobatics on eighty-five to the last wind out of Cookesland’s sails, who forced a corner late on but otherwise seemed to settle for defeat against the man-mountain blocking the C&M net.

_________

Rushmore Independent News Association Online: Breaking News

The two Bettian citizens arrested by the Albrecht Metropolitan Police three weeks ago on terrorist offences have been released without charge.

In a statement released in the last hour, A.M.P Commissioner Tony Villaverde acknowledged that his officers had been “somewhat overzealous” in picking up Owen Adjidarmo and Subhi Mahadeen from their Thompsontown apartment. Mr. Villaverde confirmed that the “small quantity” of “industrial-strength fertiliser” had been an “honest purchase” for Mr. Adjidarmo’s landscape gardening business he co-owned with a C&M-born man, Robert Duncan; the brother of Bridget Duncan, a Social Democratic & Green Party member of the House of Representatives.

Villaverde also admitted that a leaked report claiming that the two men had owned “terror training manuals” had “represented a factual negative”.

In the last few minutes; a spokesman at SD&GP’s Party Headquarters has refused to comment on speculation that Mr. Adjidarmo had been “sounded-out” over the possibility of standing for his local district council under the SD&GP banner prior to his arrest.

The Ministry for Asylum & Immigration has however confirmed that both men had been in the final stages of applying for C&M citizenship.

The Freedom Party, who organised a violent protest march coinciding with a major C&M international football game in response to the arrests, are yet to issue a statement.

To: Jacob of Soccer News Now, Atheistic Right
Re: Request for guest co-host

Hello, it's your friendly neighbour whore here! Thanks for defending me against the MFA but I don't care what they say - I'm Dazza Dallas and they can be well, whatever they want. I can't really fit in any sort of hosting at your studio the moment with this World Cup 36 on and my business keeps me away from home alot. To much flying around get me quite tired even for an experienced frequent flyer like me.

However, we can do some sort of satellite linkup from my TV studio. I have no idea what you have in mind but we can arrange something. I assume you want me to appear, well naked? I can do a Kelly Firth if you want, apart from a pair of my favourite shoes. I'm not allowed simulate obscene behaviour but the nudity is alright.

Please talk to my TV producer to arrange this. This won't all be free as satellite links aren't cheap but we'll keep the costs down for you. I am a businesswoman, you have cover costs some way.

Dazza Dallas
XXX
Jeruselem Ambassador to Ariddia

To: Dazza Dallas's TV Producer.
From: Jacob Hunt, Host of Soccer News Now
Subject: Re: Co-hosting Soccer News Now

First and foremost let me say just how much I am a fan. of Dazza's and would like to thank Ms Dallas for this opportunity. A satellite-link would be sufficient, but first let me just say that for us to require nudity would be just as hypocritical as the morality police. Ms Dallas is welcome to where as much or as little in the way of clothing as she wishes. I of course will be naked and I can assure you that this is a soccer news show and not a porn show. (However if Ms. Dallas would like to appear in one I could arrange one)

Even a show where it's merely possible for Ms Dallas to appear without any clothes we predict enough veiwing to pay for all costs with a decent profit, which of-course will be appropriately split with Ms Dallas.

To: Jacob of Soccer News Now, Atheistic Right
From: Dazza Dallas's TV Producer.
Re: Request for guest co-host

I received your email. Dazza Dallas got the impression you wanted nudity but it seems it wasn't so. Since it's now required, she'll just turn up wearing one of those very small bikinis now. Saying that, they have habit falling off at wrong time with Dazza. It's not nudity, but it's something very juicy still. Anyway, we have a scheduled penciled in.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/kedalfax.png Kedalfax 0-5 Sorthern Northland http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/sorthern_northland.png

Sorthern Northland today travelled to Kedalfax to record their largest ever win, beating the 4-0 win over Kedalfax in first game between the two teams in Beningrad.

The Sortherners controlled the whole of the first half and drew a number of saves out of Kedalfax's keeper, but failed to turn the pressure into goals. In the second half this changed and a glut of goals took SN to a 5-0 win.

The first goal came after sixty minutes when a through ball by Relondonho pierced the Kedalfax defence and Kim Min-Kim's struck with his left to send the Sortherners into the lead.

The second goal came just two minutes later when Kim headed home Ben O'Bagel's left foot cross from close range to send the team two up.

Kim then got another ten minutes later to send his team three up. A team move involving seventeen passes found it's way to Diago Maran on the edge of the box. Maran then slipped the ball into Kim's feet, who then put the ball low to the keepers left with his right foot to complete a perfect hat trick.

Kim then added another two goals in injury time to complete a 5-0 rout for the Sortherners.

Tynelia’s President John Sinclair, sits in the Rectangular Office flipping through the latest reports on his desk when he gets a page on his intercom.

Sinclair: Yes what is it?

Secretary: There’s an Agent Smith here to see you.

Sinclair: Yes send him in.

In walks a black suited sunglasses wearing individual with slicked back hair.

Smith: Mr. President, we have a situation.

Sinclair: What is it?

Smith: We’ve been declared anathema by the Archeregimancy.

Sinclair: I see. Hmm… never of heard of it. What’s an anathema? And why are they calling us that?

Smith: They’ve excommunicated us from their church I believe is the correct interpretation here. I had some first years at the academy look it up.

Sinclair: I see, religious mumbo-jumbo then. Nothing important. Why did they pick us anyway?

Smith: A small group called The New Othydoxic Christian Church of Reborn Othydoxy seems to have offended them due to some similarity of the names to the Archeregimancy’s orthodox religion.

Sinclair: Hmm, never heard of them. What do we know about them?

Smith: By my estimates there are 15 members, which is over double the initial number when the order began a few weeks ago. The only names we are certain of are the founder James Kendricks and the new recruit Michael McPhee.

Sinclair: And what nonsense are they spewing?

Smith: They worship a ‘Lord of the Scores’ to whom they pray to in support of the Tynelian Soccer team. They call shutouts a holy day of fasting if it happens and no one can eat for 24 hours after the match ends except for water and plain bread. Their holy animal is the Hippo and they appear to use the symbol of a glowing soccer ball as the image for their ‘Lord’. They also appear to misquote the Christian Bible quite often to defend their beliefs. Then every seventh day they go out and play soccer, though they have yet to be able to actually field two full teams at this point. It appears similar to the Margaret cults around the world.

Sinclair: So because of 15 people the whole country is excommunicated. Don’t those monks have anything better to do with their time?

Smith: Apparently not. However this has caused some concern within our own orthodox community.

Sinclair: We actually have one of them?

Smith: Yes sir, by these latest numbers <pulls out a piece of paper> while a solid 81.2% of the country is soundly atheist we unfortunately also have a 17.1% Catholic population.

Sinclair: Those damned irish.

Smith: Yes sir. They account for 96% of the total. As to the rest 1.65% are Jews, .025% are Muslim and .01% are Orthodox, .008% are Anglican and the remaining .005% are some fringe religion or another.

Sinclair: Hmm so last census was what 107 million. That means there’s what ten thousand of these Orthodox loonies running around?

Smith: Yes sir.

Sinclair: Do you have the voting records?

Smith: yes sir I anticipated that request. In the last election you only received 3.7% of the Orthodox vote.

Sincalir: WHAT?

Smith: Yes sir. Representative Kennedy received nearly 75% of their vote being the only openly religious candidate in the race. In fact he gathered nearly 60% of the religious vote of all types. It seems they felt a heretic is better than an atheist.

Sinclair: 3.7% I’m not lifting a finger for those ingrates. Let them suffer.

Smith: As you wish sir.



Meanwhile, in the Tynelian Orthodox main church, Bishop Theodore Ordreszi remains hunched over his desk, pen writing away as he writes what may become the most important letter he has ever written in his life.

“Our Brothers in Orthodoxy,

It is with a heavy heart I scribe this missive upon hearing that we have been cast out of the church bosom like Arius or Nestorius for the act of a few heretics whom we did not even know of until the anathema was laid at our door. The Church here in Tynelia is few in number but out faith is strong. Strong enough that we shall preserve and endure even though this hardship in the hopes that the Lord shall see fit to open your eyes and see that the ignorant few do not speak for the faithful many.

Though this is indeed a land of unbelievers in the Lord, still it is our duty to steer them back to a path of righteousness, one at a time if need be. I beseech thee to rethink dealing such a harsh blow to our small order because of the misinformed actions of a handful who have even less hope of seeing the Kingdom of Heaven than the rich man of the parable.

In this time of the Dormition Fast, I have asked my small flock to continue their fasting beyond its ending in the hopes that our devotion might sway you to lift the cruel anathema from our land. We do not seek to emulate the Pharisee Luke spoke of (18:12) but rather to show our faithfulness to the true church. While many in this land of atheism would care little either way, those of the true faith suffer most by this act that we might die forever spurned by our Lord by this anathema.

For my people’s sake, allow this shepherd to once more continue to guide them on the path of righteousness in the name of our Lord. Lift the anathema so that the Kingdom of Heaven’s gates can again be opened to your brothers and sisters in the Lord.

Sincerely
Bishop Theodore Ordreszi
Senior bishop of the Tynelian Orthodox Church”

Jariss Free Press
“A free press for a free land”

Do or Die For Spiders

Today Jariss prepares for its final match of the qualifiers against a Daehanjeiguk squad playing for the very same prize. Both teams need a win here and hope that the third place Jaseuyeon suffers a shocking upset at the hands of a weak Central Prestonian squad. Only a win could allow either Jariss or their opponents to have even a chance of moving into third. And nothing short of a Central Prestonian win will even give the Spiders an outside chance as the tiebreaker does not favor Jariss at the moment either.

Their 2-0 loss to the Archregimancy hurt the team’s chances severely as evenb a single point from a draw here would have allowed the team a chance with a win and a Jaseuyeon draw, but now the team is up against the wall. However all is not gloom and doom here for the team., They have doubled their point total from their first world cup try two years ago and can still finish a respectable fourth in the group with a win.

Most fans here in Jariss expect to receive an invitation to the Cup of Harmony if they do indeed fall short where they hope the team’s improvement in the qualifiers will carry over and give them a chance to get out of the group stages there as well. Of course what they are really hoping for is to get to the playoffs for one of the final six spots in the World Cup itself. However the team’s chances are rather slim, though even slim chances on the last day of their second cup run is something to be applauded by all Jarissians.

Amda-Mo: Well Zax-Im suprised the whole dang world in leading us to a 4-2 win over Qazox.

Lur-Mn: Indeed. He certainly faked those Qazoxians out. That 2-6-2 formation really through them off. Bold move taking out Nerazzurri and Hmr-Pn and starting the strikers and giving Kn-Dg the captain's band. But Fe-Do and EE-Or both played excellently to push us through.

Amda-Mo: Is two goals to be expected considering the formation?

Lur-Mn: Yeah I think so. Eventually they adjusted a bit, but they certainly hadn't prepared for it. I'm not at all bothered by allowing two goals cause we scored four and we've punched our ticket.

Amda-Mo: Good news. Now do you think we'll call off the dogs against Zwangzug?

Lur-Mn: Almost certainly. Expect most of the regulars, especially the older ones to sit. We'll be playing to win, but it's not our job to qualify Qazox. So we'll rest a lot of players.

Amda-Mo: How about analysis of the rest of the world?

Lur-Mn: Congratulations to Estresse Intenso for crashing the party. With any luck they'll play in Cafundeu much to everyone's delight. And Ariddia finally seems to have stabilized. Which is good. No one would've wanted to see us or them in the playoffs. Still some big names are left: Rejistania (or what's left of them), and either of the teams from our group and groups 9 & 10.

Amda-Mo: We finally have time for the top six today, so here we go.

Lur-Mn:

6. Elves Security Forces

The Elves have struggled a bit since that fine first half but have basically been playing quite well of late. They're still one of the top candidates to win the cup, especially if they rediscover their earlier form.

5. Demot

Like the Elves below them they've struggled a bit this second half, picking up a second draw to Kristovenia, but all in all have played quite well. One of just five undefeated teams they're looking to recapture the form they showed in WC33.

4. Jeruselem

Winners of one of the most difficult groups they've played fantastically against the strong teams. They've slipped up a bit against some of the weaker teams, but none of those will be left, so if they keep focused they'll be really dangerous.

3. Schiavonia

Barring that one tough loss to Estresse Intenso the Schiavones have been absolutely brilliant. Which shouldn't be too suprising from the number three team in the world.

2. The Holy Empire

Their strange style has worked great the whole cup and they're well set to make a run. It seems like they're changing things up but I don't think any changes will slow them down.

1. Milchama

The warriors have just gotten better and better since that draw with Sel Appa. They've absolutely dominated since then and look to go into the proper as the team to beat. We'll see if they can break the curse or not.

Amda-Mo: Two top five teams and two Audioslavian cursed teams on the list. No previous champions, so that is a quite interesting list.

Lur-Mn: It certainly is.

Amda-Mo: Just one more match day before the playoffs and the cup proper. We hope you'll join us for the last match against Zwangzug.

Should you today walk through the streets of Bostopian communities, you'd find them empty, unless you came across a pub or a bar.

There was the life. In the most important day of Bostopian football since the Cup of Harmony final, fans had packed these areas, and red, white and blue decorations filled almost every corner of one's eye.

This was it. Could it be done?

Time will tell.

National Football League Season 2 Prospects

The Imperial Football Association, with the near close of Season 1 for the NFL of the Han Empire, has announced the draft schedule for the 24 NFL teams, following the ranks achieved at the close of the Regular Season. Up for grabs are the top picks for players from the Imperial Team, as each of the 20 remaining players (Kim Yongdae, Kim Byeongji, and Song Jongguk will be participating in the Cafundeu First Division) will be seeking a home team to practice and hone their skills, while offering their teammates opportunities to perform and practice with World Cup-class athletes. The IFA has extended an invitation to players from overseas to participate in the draft, along with Players from the Han Empire, to diversify the field of participation, although it is largely expected that the majority of the players will be in fact Han citizens, if not all.

The IFA expects to release the draft picks soon, although there are no doubts that Kim Daeeui - the leading striker on the Imperial Team - will be topping any draft picks for this season. We will be providing updates for the upcoming Season Two Drafts, as the NFL prepares for the Final Match between Hangyeong and Sanghae Club Teams.

The IFA has also issued a statement of support for the Imperial Team, facing the high possibility of an abrupt elimination from the World Cup qualification, with no chance for the playoffs, saying that the team " has outperformed expectations for every Han citizen, and even against the teams they played. We remind Han citizens that the team headed into this tournament with very slim chances to qualify or even reach the playoffs; yet they have remained determined to the very end to qualify - for this, they have earned our respect and gratitude for demonstrating superior qualities in spite of their losses. We will hope for a win against Jariss today, and pray further that Central Prestonia may give our players one last chance, although the majority of people will have already resigned the fate for the Imperial Team to fall out. They have given us reason to hope for the unbelieveable, and even if they do not succeed to reach the playoffs or even win, we are assured that they have brought more worth to the Imperial Football Association in future World Cups - we are forced with which to be reckoned, and it would be a folly for our opponents to consider us easy game." The IFA also issued a statement, supporting Cha Beomgeun's management - "He has took a team that has had no experience and crafted them into BoF champions and aspiring World Cup participants. With the high possibility of elimination, we hope that he will carry the Team further in the Cup of Harmony, should we be invited to participate."

And the RP cutoff for matchday fourteen comes.

Matchday 14 Scores (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12940098&postcount=17)

THE MONASTIC TIMES

TYNELIAN ANATHEMA LIFTED
Initial Action Blamed on 'Bookkeeping Error'

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

The Orthodox Church of the Holy Empire was today forced to backtrack from the anathema proclaimed just yesterday on the nation of Tynelia following an appeal from Bishop Theodore Ordreszi of the Orthodox Church of Tynelia.

"We sincerely regret any pain, embarrassment or inconvenience caused to our Brother in Christ Theodore and all of our other Orthodox brothers and sisters in Tynelia. We fully support the Tynelian Orthodox Church's struggle against the fundamentalist atheism of the Tynelian regime, and fully recognise their canonicity and apostolic succession." read a statement released by the OCHE Patriarchate. The OCHE have blamed the fiasco on a 'bookkeeping error'. Bishop Theodore has apparently been invited to co-celebrate the Divine Liturgy in the Imperial Basilica of the Holy Wisdom. OCHE officials do, however, apparently expect the Tynelian Orthodox Church to denounce the obscure Tynelian cult of the New Othydoxic Christian Church of Reborn Othydoxy.

This is the second time this World Cup that the Patriarchate has had to furiously backtrack over remarks made by either the OCHE or representatives of the autonomous Holy Synod of the Archregimancy, leading some observers to wonder whether OCHE HQ and the Holy Synod might not be too quick to denounce first and ask questions later. Holy Synod representatives have denounced this suggestion as "unworthy of being denounced", with non-anonymous spokesman Fr. John the Howardite stating that where denouncing heretics and heathens is concerned, "it's better to be safe than sorry."

On the streets of Jeruselem, Ariddians were watching on a big screen provided by Dazza Dallas's media company. It was big game for the Ariddians in Jeruselem as they had celebrated Jeruselem qualifying earlier but now it was time for their time to show they were good enough for an automatic spot. Kate Dallas made a guest appearance to cheer the Ariddians up and all was set. Ariddia was playing the lowly ranked Niosis but on past performances - a victory was not certain.

At Dazza Dallas stadium, the visiting Fire Ants played played Jeruselem. Jeruselem didn't need to win, they could afford to lose but Northern Bettia needed the win as QuakMyBush played lowly Planting.

90 minutes later, Ariddians were cheering and carrying like they had won the cup again as their team had won THREE ONE. French Cafes were filled with happy Ariddians delighted their team had performed when it needed to. Ariddian born Jeruselemites were making money as the money flowed. The game switched to the Jeruselem vs Fire Ants games on screens - and Ariddians cheered on the local team.

At Dazza Dallas stadium, QuakMyBushians were nervious as Jeruselem trailed the Fire Ants TWO ONE. The Fire Ants played hard and dirty, and it seems to be working. Hikfie Dallas was subbed off with Dazza Deux coming on and Rashina Dallas removed for Kate Dallas. Two Dazzas coming on stream! The fresh legs of Dazza Deux caused the Fire Ants problems as Kate Dallas was running about dragging defenders with her. Deux drilled in a shot from 20 yards to level the scores. The shot was so hard, a Fire Ant defender was knocked over like ten pin. The Fire Ants attacked but Kate stole the ball and sprinted past a non-defense then chipped the keeper who wasn't expecting it.

QuakMyBushians ran around screaming and cheering, kissing nearly every pretty girl nearby. The girls didn't mind as their team had won. To cheer the Fire Ants up, camera zoomed under Dazza's skirt as she jumping around (no undies as usual) ... and then her skirt slipped off.

"We had a bit of a fright there for a second."

"Yeah, we nearly didn't make the world cup."

"What? No. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about the BFP confronting the terrorists."

"oh... right, well. As far as I know there is now no longer any threat. The identity of the man found dead in the hotel room was Ralphy, the guy that kept Everett under his thumb for a while."

"Well, there is that other man but, aparrently the BFP can't find any links. It seemed that Ralphy did it all on his own, and that other man was an assassin sent to take him out before he could anymore damage."

"Right, well. Let's talk about something a bit happier, like the World Cup qualification..."

"I thought we'd be left out at one stage"

"So did we all, I was actually praying for a play-off place. Anyway, I think this will be the most important World Cup for us. Showing our resilliance and determination. I think if we can do well this time. The World will stand and take notice."

"Right... okay well. See you later.