NationStates Jolt Archive

http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/logos/worldcup36/
World Cup 36 (Cafundéu and Unified Capitalizt States) RP thread

Qualifying groups
Group 1
Bercktesgaden (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12864102&postcount=18))
Schiavonia (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12890404&postcount=50))
Rejistania (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12898902&postcount=56))
Estresse Intenso (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12864776&postcount=21))
Salkehachie
Swilatia
The Non-RPing n00b
Nitrodymium (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12903657&postcount=62))

Group 2
Sel Appa (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12862940&postcount=6))
Keyne Island
Milchama (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12867017&postcount=32))
Fargess
The Islands of Qutar
The Comrade Emirates
Yafor 2
Kura-Pelland (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12898526&postcount=55))

Group 3
Collonie (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12907136&postcount=64))
Az-cz (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12864738&postcount=20))
Cookesland (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12876475&postcount=45))
Candelaria And Marquez (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12865077&postcount=23))
Qazox (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12863986&postcount=17))
Zwangzug (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12862264&postcount=5))
Kedalfax
Sorthern Northland (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12862179&postcount=4))

Group 4
Homieville
Squornshelous (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12868676&postcount=40))
Billopesha (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12890858&postcount=51))
Atheistic Right (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12863565&postcount=12))
Endmile (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12879746&postcount=46))
Jeru FC (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12867664&postcount=38))
Kiryu-shi (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12913051&postcount=66))
Fmjphoenix

Group 5
Bazalonia (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12863563&postcount=11))
Spruitland
Dance 2 Revolution (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12901019&postcount=59))
Shackfold
Kansiov
Green Wombat
Bettia (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12870823&postcount=42))
TT Lake Side (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12865427&postcount=24))

Group 6
Grotewohl (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12891088&postcount=52))
Vilita (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12882021&postcount=47))
The Holy Empire [Alasdair I Frosticus] (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12869625&postcount=41))
British Londinium (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12863405&postcount=8))
Limbrogidlia (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12867218&postcount=35))
Sativaville (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12867081&postcount=33))
Ulzaxid (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12906012&postcount=63))
Herchimer

Group 7
Niosis
New Montreal States
Lovisa
Turori
Acapais
Vephrall (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12866537&postcount=30))
Ariddia (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12861339&postcount=2))
ARealAdvance

Group 8
Kristovenia (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12863676&postcount=14))
The Canelandic Islands
The HURD (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12898942&postcount=57))
Oliverry (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12867139&postcount=34))
Demot (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12867239&postcount=36))
Shmibabway
Novapsolu (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12902410&postcount=60))
Western Afghanistan (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12911528&postcount=65))

Group 9
Noirthemme
Planting
Patusan (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12863438&postcount=10))
Northern Bettia (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12870950&postcount=43))
Trumanistan
Quakmybush (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12866996&postcount=31))
St Samuel
Jeruselem (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12863287&postcount=7))

Group 10
Tylero
Elves Security Forces (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12863901&postcount=16))
Ad’ihan (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12882281&postcount=48))
Tynelia (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12864649&postcount=19))
Aurendia (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12899665&postcount=58))
The Sons of a Monkey (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12867737&postcount=39))
Kampfers (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12864974&postcount=22))
Assegai Developments (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12893674&postcount=53))

Group 11
Abu Omar
Bushes Been Quaked (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12896922&postcount=54))
Rugiero
Bostopia (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12862136&postcount=3))
Thelema Abbey
The Lowland Clans (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12902549&postcount=61))
Kilmarnockshire
Errinundera (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12863431&postcount=9))

Group 12
Wentland (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12876448&postcount=44))
Cebumopolis
Jasīʼyūn (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12865683&postcount=26))
Daehanjeiguk (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12863801&postcount=15))
Central Prestonia
Bellzantium
The Archregimancy (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12884915&postcount=49))
Jariss (roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12867557&postcount=37))

Hosts (auto-qualified)
Cafundéu (roster and stadiums (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12863602&postcount=13))
Capitalizt SLANI (nation/stadium information (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12865676&postcount=25), roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12865681&postcount=27))

The fixtures are as follows (the home team is listed first so, e.g., 1v8 means that the first team listed in each group will play the last team listed in each group at the venue of the first team):
MD01: 1v8, 2v7, 3v6, 4v5
MD02: 8v5, 6v4, 7v3, 1v2
MD03: 2v8, 3v1, 4v7, 5v6
MD04: 8v6, 7v5, 1v4, 2v3
MD05: 3v8, 4v2, 5v1, 6v7
MD06: 8v7, 1v6, 2v5, 3v4
MD07: 4v8, 5v3, 6v2, 7v1
(there will be a break for mid-qualifying friendlies, then MDs 8–14 will be the same as MDs 1–7 with home and away reversed)
MD08: 8v1, 7v2, 6v3, 5v4
MD09: 5v8, 4v6, 3v7, 2v1
MD10: 8v2, 1v3, 7v4, 6v5
MD11: 6v8, 5v7, 4v1, 3v2
MD12: 8v3, 2v4, 1v5, 7v6
MD13: 7v8, 6v1, 5v2, 4v3
MD14: 8v4, 3v5, 2v6, 1v7

The top two teams from each group will qualify for the Cup. The third-placed teams will be paired together and play two-leg playoffs for the remaining spots.

Friendlies
Pre-qualifying or mid-qualifying friendly matches can be scheduled by making a request here or in the discussion thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=293066) by giving the teams and in which nation the match will be played, and your opponent confirming.

Schedule
All scorination/draws will be done at roughly 19:00 UTC (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coordinated_Universal_Time).

2007–07–20: qualifying group draw
2007–07–22: qualifying matchday 1
…
2007–07–28: qualifying matchday 7
2007–07–29: mid-qualifying friendlies
2007–07–30: qualifying matchday 8
…
2007–08–05: qualifying matchday 14
2007–08–06: playoff draw
2007–08–07: playoff first leg
2007–08–08: playoff second leg
2007–08–10: first round group draw
2007–08–12: first round matchday 1
2007–08–14: first round matchday 2
2007–08–16: first round matchday 3
2007–08–18: second round
2007–08–20: quarterfinals
2007–08–22: semifinals
2007–08–23: third place match
2007–08–24: final

Links
WC36 first round draw (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12954570&postcount=534)
WC36 roster thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=532487)
WC36 scores thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=533405)
World Cup discussion thread (broken) (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=293066)
NEW World Cup discussion thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=536285)

In Lasft, Cafundéu. Office of the CCFM president Miguel Jóia. Miguel talks with his two assistants Robertão and Carlinhos.

MIGUEL - "So, have we reached ninety-eight sign-ups for the World Cup?"

ROBERTÃO - "Yes, boss. Now we can get prepared for the Cup. Soon we'll release our roster."

MIGUEL - "I don't know why Erasmo wants to release the roster now. We won't play the qualifiers. What do you think Carlinhos?"

CARLINHOS - "You want my opinion?"

MIGUEL - "Yes, I do."

CARLINHOS - "A simple opinion, a normal opinion, a sincere opinion or a truly complex opinion?"

MIGUEL - "A sincere is okay."

CARLINHOS - "It costs five vintéms."

MIGUEL - "So... a simple one."

CARLINHOS - "This one costs one vintém."

MIGUEL - "Now I have to pay for the opinions of my employees. Okay, here it is: one vintém. What is your simple opinion? Do you think that Erasmo should wait to release our roster?"

CARLINHOS - "I don't know."

MIGUEL - "I see that I have excellent employees. Well, Robertão, what about the stadiums? Have we ended the works?"

ROBERTÃO - "Not completely. The new stadiums in Espinal, Abadia and Lux are complete. The reforms in Dunboor and Astari will only end in the next three months, but everything will be ready when the qualified countries come to Cafundéu."

MIGUEL - "Well, it seems good. What do you think, Carlinhos?"

CARLINHOS - "Do you want a simple opinion, a normal one, a sincere one or a truly complex opinion?"

MIGUEL - "Er... forget that. I need to talk with Erasmo now. Can you tell him to come here?"

ROBERTÃO - "It costs three vintéms."

MIGUEL - "No, I won't pay. I'm going to his room."

Miguel goes to Erasmo Carlos Jowenguard's room. Jowenguard is the director of National Teams of the CCFM, and is the one responsible for finding investors for the cup and making deals with the media.

JOWENGUARD - "Hello, Miguel. Want some coffee?"

MIGUEL - "Yes, I do."

JOWENGUARD - "It costs two vintéms."

MIGUEL - "Take the money. So, Erasmo, have we got enough investors for the competition?"

JOWENGUARD - "Some from Cafundéu and one from Sel Appa. Some television channels have contacted us, soon we will finish more contracts. But I still think that we need more money. After all, the Emperor only let we host this World Cup with the Unified Capitalizt States because we promised him that Cafundéu would profit with it."

MIGUEL - "So, what are we going to do?"

JOWENGUARD - "Just wait. I'm going to put a note in the official site of the World Cup asking for investors for the competition. They'll appear. Globo Multimedia, C-Electronics, Caf-Computers, Velog Automóveis and other big companies of our country are already investing."

MIGUEL - "And what about friendlies before the Cup?"

JOWENGUARD - "We and the Unified Capitalizt States are already able to receive requests of friendlies. The interested countries can just send us a message. I have already received one today."

MIGUEL - "And the group draw?"

JOWENGUARD - "First we'll wait for the end of the Baptism of Fire, of course. But we already know who will make the draw for the qualifiers. We made a contract with Globo Multimedia, and Breno Gavião will be the presenter of the draw."

MIGUEL - "Breno Gavião? I hate him!"

JOWENGUARD - "Me too. But Globo in an influential company, and the contract is very good for the CCFM."

MIGUEL - "So, Breno will make the qualifiers draw after the end of the Baptism of Fire. It was all that I wanted to know right now.

United Petrol Seeks to Subsidize Foreign Stadiums
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/juvanya/up.png
Bringing clean, quality energy to Sel Appa.

Sel Appan energy corporation, and official World Cup 36 sponsor United Petrol, is scouting foreign nations that need new stadiums built. Particularly, they will be looking at newer countries to the World Cup. UP has stated it will subsidize most of the construction costs in exchange for being the leading sponsor for the home team of that stadium and the stadium is to be named United Petrol (Stadium, Field, Park,...). Any countries who have interest should contact the company (TG Sel Appa). United Petrol is also looking to expand operations beyond Sel Appa.

Jeruselem Football Association

Confidential Interoffice Memorandum 102344-112

Subject: World Cup 36 coaching position

The rumours going around we are going to change the current coaching staff should World Cup 35 turn into another fiasco like World CUp 34 were true. If we didn't make the 2nd round, we would have removed Dazza Dallas as coach and put in process applications for a new coach but in this case - this has been cancelled. Those who like to have seen the bike retire and stay in Ariddia as retirement home, can dream on now.

We have made the quarterfinals with a little help from Qazox but our major 3-0 win over Capitalizt Slani has allowed Dazza Dallas to keep her job. So, we will continue Dazza's tenure as world Cup coach. Those who complain about should just keep quiet as there's no point sacking Dazza when she's put the team in a position to be our 2nd best cup - the same as World Cup 30 and maybe a better result than World Cup 32.

Some of you may bring up the point that I was the coach Dazza Dallas slept with to get her first club team position, but well I was proven right even I did take a few too many liberties from Dazza at the time. May I point out, she'd probably sleep with anyone anyway. Yes, the "Goddess" is having her job back because she's done the job right.

We won't be too popular if we did sack her when she's done so well with many Dazza Dallas fans out there. I really doubt if we can find a coach like Dazza anyway but the assistant coach is doing a great job too. The International press love the bike and she's our major point of attention. I think she's going to retire after the next world cup but for now she's our coach, even if she spends a lot of time running around underdressed. I do think Sark Kozy is the man for World Cup 37, as he's worked with Dazza and her person skills.

The army has requested a new coach for Jeru FC after Debbie Dallas's tenure expired. She does not wish to continue as she is supposed to be retired. Now, Rashina Dallas would be our choice but she's still in the Jeruselem national team. I'll try to convince World Cup 34 assistant coach Kate Bush to take over. She's not a Dallas so she's not going sleep with army staff. The incident with Debbie Dallas - it wasn't her fault, the army officer had planned it. The earlier Dazza Dallas incident was probably Dazza's fault.

Since the world Cup 35 captain is retiring, it's time I think Rashina Dallas got her time as Captain. Yes, she's a Dallas girl ... but one of the sensible ones. She does not have excesses of Dazza Dallas but she's still got that temper. It's about she got her time before she retires. Dinkie Dosha is other candidate as similarly aged Brother Haven isn't much of leader and hasn't lead a team before. Dinkie is the new Dazza without the sex and nudity.

OK, the person who stole my Dazza Doll out of office please return it. I want it back, it gives me good luck and well it's nice to look at too. If you don't you'll end up like Peggy Sue.

Jeruselem FA Staff Manager
Ray Mosha

...

Dinkie Dosha and a rather young looking version of Dazza Dallas

Dinkie: Hello, I'm Dinkie Dosha and this is not Dazza Dallas.
Kate: Yes I am!
Dinkie: It's Kate Dallas, her daughter. She's taking over from her mother. She's a cheeky girl.
Kate: I'm just being like my Mum!

Dinkie: Yes, expect the worst from Kate.
Kate: It's the FOOTBALL LIFE, with me and Dinkie here.
Dinkie: The World Cup 36 is here and the coach is still the bike herself.
Kate: And the assistant coach is still the same.

Dinkie: Rashina Dallas is now the team captain with the holy Brother Haven as vice captain.
Kate: So, there's changes but we have Dallas girls everywhere!
Dinkie: Coach, captain and reporter. Yes, they are everywhere.
Kate: Don't forget Hikfie!

Dinkie: Oh, Hikfie. And yes, Jeru FC are back too, and coached by World Cup 34 assistant coach Kate Bush.
Kate: Kates everywhere too.
Dinkie: Jeruselem are ranked #9 while Jeru FC are down in #114. We don't expect Jeru FC to make the final his time round.
Kate: I'm sure Kate Bush will do good job though.

Dinkie: So, it's World Cup 36 time. Don't miss THE FOOTBALL LIFE with Kate and me, Dinkie.
Kate: 15 minutes of chaos and mayhem without the destruction
Dinkie: Yeah, but with the Dallas habit for upsetting conservative viewers
Kate: That's in my contract.

http://img368.imageshack.us/img368/1893/lbgwd9.jpg

World Cup fever grips British Londinium

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/41815000/jpg/_41815452_ukraine203.jpg

With British Londinium entering into the World Cup for the first time as a nation free from foreign troops, World Cup mania has finally seized the country amongst expectations of qualifying.

Everyone from the average urban salaryman to the Consul of British Londinium is excited for the event.

"To the Ministry [of Culture, Media, and Sport], the thirty-sixth World Cup will be pivotal in restoring some of our national pride," CMS Minister Chloe Yuhjijad remarked.

The World Cup is just one of the government's latest attempts to foster national pride; earlier actions to do so included the invasion of Cazelia and revitalization of the country's welfare system.

But, to many, the World Cup lacks such elegant designs behind it - and is just an opportunity to have fun.

"We're very formal and ceremonious in British Londinium," said Lysander Scott, an economist residing in Camelford. "And the World Cup is where we can really enjoy ourselves and let loose."

While it is still unknown who the Londinian team will be playing against, many are hoping to go against a major team to serve as a 'proving ground'.

"If we were to smash, say, the Ariddians in the qualifiers - that would kick some major ass," said one World Cup reveler. "I mean, like, wow."

No Londinian team member has spoken to the press, but their representatives have said that "they are hard at work training".

Story from LBG NEWS:
http://news.lbg.co.rsp/go/pr/fr/-/2/hi/sport/4991652.stm

Published:03:53:02 LST

© LBG MMXII

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/juvanya/thecabbage.png

Scarlet Fever Grips British Londinium

With British Londinium entering into the World Health Organization for the first time as a nation free from major disease, scarlet fever has seized the country despite expectations of vaccination.

Everyone from the average urban salaryman to the Consul of British Londinium is contracting the disease.

"To the Ministry [of Health], joining WHO will be pivotal in restoring some of our health status," Health Minister Chloe Yuhjijad remarked.

The outbreak of scarlet fever is just one of the government's latest failures to foster national healthcare; earlier actions to do so included the invasion of Cazelia and revitalization of the country's healthcare system.

But, to many, the WHO lacks such elegant designs behind it - and is just an opportunity to get free aid.

"We're very formal and ceremonious in British Londinium," said Lysander Scott, a doctor residing in Camelford. "And the World Health Organization is where we can really get much needed help."

While it is still unknown how the outbreak began, many are hoping the Ministry of Health will soon have an answer.

"If we were to all be vaccinated - that would kick some major germ ass," said one victim. "I mean, like, wow."

No Londinian government official has spoken much to the press, but their representatives have said that "they are hard at work trying to reverse the epidemic".

-snip-

OOC: Hehehe. Very nice.

BC Inc. Press Release - SuperDude Comic's to be the official Bazalope team comic

BC Inc. and the Bazalonian Federations of Soccer Associations (BFSA) have come to an historic agreement, SuperDude comic's will be made available for sale in all BFSA club stores and at all home maches during Qualification.

In addition, BC Inc. will be holding a competition open to members of all nations participating in the World Cup. A new Superhero and Supervillian will be added into the SuperDude universe.

There will be a few requirements for the structure and information included. Attached to this press release is a copy of the form required which has been made available for free duplication, otherwise all rights reserved.

The winning SuperHero and SuperVillian will be announced at the end of Qualification after an exhaustive selection process, a limited release collectors edition of an origin story for the superhero and superVillian will be released over a number of instalments during the world Cup final.

Tel Aviv Sharks Newsletter

DazzaMobile Giveaway

OK, Tel Aviv shark fans! We have giving away a car. It's no normal car either, it's what we call the DazzaMobile. Basically a small topless car, a bright pink convertible Nissan Micra. Just like the Dazza Dallas we all love. It's not the car for a manly man, but for a bimbo-ie woman.

All you have to do is say why you deserve the DazzaMobile! The entry form is on our web site with the image of the car in question as an icon. We'll announce the winner before the World Cup starts in proper. In line with type of car we are giving away (clue Dazza Dallas), this should tell you what sort of response we are expecting.

The DazzaMobile
http://img528.imageshack.us/img528/8575/dazzamobileke5.th.jpg (http://img528.imageshack.us/my.php?image=dazzamobileke5.jpg)

Car specifications

Power: 81 kW/ 6000 rpm (110 PS / 6000 rpm)
Maximum speed: 191 km/h or 119 mph
Fuel consumption (Urban cycle): 8.7 l/100 km or 32.5 mpg
Fuel consumption (Extra-urban): 5.6 l/100 km or 50.4 mpg
Combined cycle fuel consumption: 6.7 l/100 km or 42.2 mpg
CO2 Emissions 160 g/km

This one is with all the extras that exist for this car, so it is the ultimate version you can ever buy.

Oh yes, Dazza Dallas has tested the car. She complains it's too slow. She only drives cars which can exceed 150 mph.

In a statement earlier today, head coach Marcus Tullius Cicero said:

"We are pleased to announce that our roster will remain the same for the upcoming World Cup 36. Although we did not fair that well last time around I was very pleased with how we performed and how we presented ourselves considering that it was our first cup. We hope that will a little more funding from our government and some mroe support from our fans we can really show the world just how good our club is."

After a somewhat dissappointing tournament last time the national team was greeted by a sold out crowd at Marcus Octavius Memorial Stadium for their first welcome back celebration. With a turnout like that one can only imagine what it will be like if the team reaches the playoffs thsi go around.


Keep watching for regular updates
*Kristovenia National News*

World Cup predictions (www.worldcup.webln.zz)

Anyone can say that the Elves will take this upcoming World Cup, number 36. But it takes true foresight to look ahead-far ahead-my kind of foresight. I figure, if I'm wrong, nobody's gonna remember a middle schooler from Arlington. If I'm right, I'll call attention back to this.

World Cup 37: One of those Dreamed Realm teams. They've waited long enough and everything.
World Cup 38: Jerusalem...stupid spell-checker. I need a new browser. Anyway, Jeruselem wins.
World Cup 39: For the second cup in a row, Ariddia's victims get their title: this time, Milchama.
World Cup 40: With all those XXs floating around the place, Rejistania regain their old magic. Their defeat of Vephrall in the semi-finals will bring back nostalgic memories from old fogeys, and lead others to criticize the effect of "RP-bonus". Whatever that is...
World Cup 41: In a tumultuous cup full of penalty kicks and protests, System Obani finally comes good in a wild win for Northern Bettia.

See you then!

~Thomas

This broadcast is brought to you by MBC International - Bringing the World Together Again! (세계를 함께 가져오기 다시!)


As World Cup 36 looks to be settling into its ways, the Imperial Football Team is working out a strange struggle, participating in the BoF and the Oxen Cup 2 simultaneously yet not at the same. Scientists have yet to explain the phenomenon that is fluid time, but it is unexpected that any explanation would satisfy the inquiry of millions of Han citizens around the world at any particular moment.

With the conclusion of both the Oxen Cup and the BoF, the Imperial Team is set to come out strong, already performing with no losses in its daily challenges, as Group 7 is expected to pass into the Round of 16 without any difficulty. In the Oxen Cup, despite falling in Match 2, the Team has rebounded to face one of the toughest teams in the international scene - Cafundéu, who by chance, is also one of the hosts for the World Cup.

In any case, the Imperial Han Team will face more and greater challenges in order to qualify to participate in the World Cup, fighting an up-hill battle against what appears to impossible odds. The best chance for winning this cup appears a day when pigs fly, prompting national resources into genetic engineering, splicing pig and pigeon genes to create the world's first flying pig. Of course, that progress will be one too late to affect the outcome of this World Cup - in its place, we have the confidence that the Imperial Team will perform magnificently, even as the world may chew them up and spit them back in pieces; we will still love them, as they are representatives of Han, and win or lose - they will have served our country well!

Other news surrounding the World Cup, a string of fever-related cases has erupted around the world, as some medical researchers blame the football season while others blame bad hygiene practice. In any case, the Imperial Foreign Ministry has warned citizens to avoid traveling outside the country, unless for extremely important affairs.

Additionally, the Imperial Government has sent a letter of request to the governments of Cafundéu and Unified Capitalizt States to grant temporary access for Imperial fans for the team, so that Han citizens may travel to these countries, despite lack of official recognition by either party. While there are no hard feelings on any side of the official recognition lines, Imperial officials were quoted as saying - "We want to ensure that our citizens can enjoy the privilege of engaging in activities surrounding the Imperial team, regardless of what country hosts the events." Word from either Cafundéu or the Unified Capitalizt States has yet to be received.

World Cup 36 Press Release
The Qazox Black Oxen no longer exist. After 36 years of World Cup fultility, the Qazox National Sports Federation, the QNSF (which was made when the Qazox Olympic Council (QOC) and the Qazox Football Assocciation (QFA)combined forces, along with the Baseball Federation of Qazox (BFQ)) has decided to upgrade the Image of Qazox. The voting will commence now, after the list of TEN nominated names are released. The entire nation is encouraged to vote on this matter, as the newly chosen name will reflect every national team.

The nominees are:

The Qazox Quails.
The Qazox Zebras.
The Qazox Anteaters.
The Qazox Osprey.
The Qazox eX-Parrots.
The Qazox Blackbirds.
The Qazox Pheonix.
The Qazox Carnivores.
The Qazox T-Rex.
The Qazox Black Wolves.

Vote by any of the following methods:

Call 1-900-New Name (99q a call) and press the corresponding Number when prompted from you Home or Cell Phone.
Text the team name to 72969. Standard text-messaging rates apply.
Go to QazoxTeamName.qzx (http://www.QazoxTeamName.qzx) and click on the team name of which team you want.

Voting Begins at 12:01 am July 7 and will end at 11:59 pm on July 14th.

Tune into QSPN2's World Cup roster announcement on July 20th for the new team name and the unveiling of the new logo and team colors.

(ooc: July 14th I will reveal my new team name, Logo and Colors.. so stay tuned!!!)

This broadcast is brought to you by MBC International - Bringing the World Together Again! (세계를 함께 가져오기 다시!)


As World Cup 36 looks to be settling into its ways, the Imperial Football Team is working out a strange struggle, participating in the BoF and the Oxen Cup 2 simultaneously yet not at the same. Scientists have yet to explain the phenomenon that is fluid time, but it is unexpected that any explanation would satisfy the inquiry of millions of Han citizens around the world at any particular moment.


Dear Citizens of Daehanjeiguk,

While we realise that many nations in Ordinary Reality find the concept of non-linear inconsistent time hard to cope with, we can assure you that what you refer to as 'fluid time' is the norm in some nations participating in the World Cup.

We refer your scientists to the following excerpt on the history of the Holy Empire (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Alasdair_I_Frosticus), as found in the mystical pages of the arcane tome known only as the 'NS Wiki':

Particularly problematic for those who would attempt to write a history of the Holy Empire is the fact that time appears to not only pass inconsistently within the Empire, but in some cases is also non-linear. It is said that the various Codex texts only begin to make some sort of sense when the reader realises that three days may have passed in Alasdairopolis where three weeks have passed in the Chacan capital of Philadelphia, and that an event which happened on Thursday in St. Mary's City might conceivably have happened on Monday in New Nicea. The Codex A and B texts even state that, in some rare cases, timelines may split so as to allow multiple events to happen in the same place at the same time.

It would seem likely that your nation has therefore somehow been affected by contact - perhaps temporary - with the Dreamed Realm, though it would seem more likely to us here in the notoriously reclusive Holy Empire that this contact would have come through the Archregimancy.

Sincerely Yours,

The Fifth Junior Undersecretary of the Imperial Office of the Lesser Purple Inkwell.

New Qazian Press

Special Editoral from Hank Reginald, Professor Emiritus, Univeristy of Qazox-Las Vitas, History.


I cannot abide my tougue at this most recent outrage perpetrated upon our esteemed citizenry by the newly formed Qazox National Sports Federation. Ever since our founding by Goran Oxfield back in 1443, the Ox has been our most important national symbol. Did not General Robert Lee not fight to preserve our country during the first Civil War with the slogan "Let's Gore them like an Ox?" Did not our country depend upon the humble bovine during the 2nd Civil War as a method of transportation? Did not an Ox help Goran Oxfield found this country? It is with shame that the Qazox National Sports Federation tries to upset almost 500 years of history with our beloved Oxen, by suggesting that "to improve Qazox' international identity, we feel that a newer symbol of our sport teams will increase our viability amongst our felow nations." What a load of oxenshit that is. The Oxen is our identity and ours alone. I have started a petition at www.OXENWEAREADNSHALLBE.org.qzx (http://www.OXENWEAREADNSHALLBE.org.qzx)to force the Qazox National Sports Federation to withdraw their preposterous idea.

The New Qazian Press takes no responsibilty of any of our editoral speech and does not abide by the writing above.

An indoor arena in Bostopia was filled to the roof with spectators. In the middle, there is a wrestling ring.

There is a casually dressed woman stood in the middle of the ring, showing off more skin than most dressed people in Bostopia tend to do. She’s holding a microphone in her right hand.

Music blares up, and a moment or two later, the crowd, realising who it is, jumps to their feet with wild cheering.

The view changes to the first person.

An arm stretches out infront of you, brushing the curtain away as you make your way nervously to the ring, bare feet padding along the steel entranceway, sweat dripping from your forehead, as fans on either side of you are holding their arms our for you to give them a high five.

The woman holding the microphone now lifts it to her mouth

“Making her way to the ring, from Fenton City, Fenton State! At a height of five feet eight inches, weighing–”

You glare at her. She doesn’t tell that the crowd that.

“-urr, she is the current Bostopia manager…Kelly Firth!”

Kelly climbs the steel steps, through the ropes and steps into the ring.

Her music slowly fades out as she waits for her opponent.

A new entrance music starts up.

“And her opponents”

“There’s more than one?” She thinks, as she weights up her slender frame, knowing she’s not cut out for this.

“Hailing from every corner known to man…they are representing each and every entry into World Cup Thirty Six!”

A procession of 100 people follow out from backstage. Kelly stands in shock as the group slowly makes their way to the ring, with some faces she knows, others she doesn’t. The look on Kelly’s face says it all. She doesn’t stand a chance. Not this time anyway.

Kelly sat up in bed, the sheets drenched with sweat. She wipes her forehead with the back of her hand, but only manages to transfer sweat from one area to the other. Looking right, she notices the time is 6:54. Six minutes until her alarm would go off anyway.

Pulling the sheets off her bed, she takes them out of her bedroom in her Fort Boston apartment – still shared with Addy Reage – and walks with them in her hands across the landing and down the stairs toward the laundry room at the back of the kitchen.

She shoves the sheets into the washing machine, puts a bit of soap powder in the tray, and then sets the machine off. She hears a door open from upstairs, and makes her way out to the main room. Looking up the stairs, she sees Addy walk out of her room with a man who was a complete stranger to Kelly, and probably a stranger to Addy until the night before.

Addy walks the man – who’s now impressed at the sight of a second naked female within 12 hours – down the stairs, and to the front door.

“Why didn’t you tell me you had a friend here?” He asked with a wink, gaining nothing but a glare from Ms.Firth.

Addy smiled and gave a small laugh, and kissing the man on the cheek, ushering him out the front door, which she closed behind her.

“Morning, Kelly!” She said with a chirp in her voice

“Hello Addy. Who’s the friend?”

“Ian. I met him last night at the Club Sasaran.”

“That place? God, why do you go there? It’s a bastion of immorality, the only people who go there are the people who - …nothing.”

“Go on, say it. You and your ‘Daily Mail values’ are getting tiring, Kelly. Put down the newspaper, go outside, have fun for gods sake!”

“I don’t know whether you’ve noticed, Kelly, but I DO go outside, and I earn money. Unlike you, who’s living off the back of her friend from University, and then goes out to find some random stranger to bring home to satisfy your carnal desires!”

“Don’t you dare talk to me like that!”

“Don’t you treat MY goddamned house like a shady bed and breakfast in Olisfeld!”

To be compared to a woman from Olisfeld was one of the biggest insults imaginable. Addy stormed up the stairs, slamming her bedroom door. Kelly, meanwhile, took a moment to contemplate her thoughts, before grabbing her debit card and car keys.

Driving to Fort Boston was easily done. She came out of Marenham Lane, turned onto the FB-32 and then drove toward Fort Boston. As the skyscrapers of Fort Boston loomed into the distance, with Fort Boston Castle at the forefront of them, traffic usually got heavier here, near the junctions with Fort Boston’s underground ring-road, but as it was still only 7:39, traffic wasn’t too tough yet.

As the FA Headquarters at Heartwick House were located conveniently for Kelly, she continued driving toward the centre of Fort Boston. She reached Fireside Boulevard, and took a right into Flanburgh Road, before taking a left into the private carpark of the BFA.

After parking up and showing her ID (not that she needed to, but security measures were security measured after all) she took the lift to the third floor, and entered her office.

Logging into the pc, she clicked on her internet browser, typing in “Flights to Fenton” in the search pane. Kelly Firth was going home.

Additionally, the Imperial Government has sent a letter of request to the governments of Cafundéu and Unified Capitalizt States to grant temporary access for Imperial fans for the team, so that Han citizens may travel to these countries, despite lack of official recognition by either party. While there are no hard feelings on any side of the official recognition lines, Imperial officials were quoted as saying - "We want to ensure that our citizens can enjoy the privilege of engaging in activities surrounding the Imperial team, regardless of what country hosts the events." Word from either Cafundéu or the Unified Capitalizt States has yet to be received.

Official Letter
From the Counselor-Minister of Foreign Affairs, Ray McKeen

We have received your letter about giving temporary access for citizens of your country. Cafundéu is open to receive people from all around the World, and your citizens can come here without problems if, of course, they pay the transport. One of the main objectives of our country in this World Cup is to profit with the foreigners, so if your citizens want to come here to follow the National Team and maybe to spend their money too, it would be great.

But of course there are some requirements for people who want to come to Cafundéu. Criminals (especially drug dealers) are not accepted, and people under 18 years of age must have an authorization made by their parents or any other person responsible for them. So, the people of your country can come here without problems, and be sure that they will like our country.

Kampfers waits for WC to begin after heartbreak in WBC

Shortly after the Kampferian squad was knocked out of the World Baseball classic after going undefeated in the first round, the Kampferian soccer team geared up for the World Cup. Previous World Cups have not treated the Kampferian Squad well, although much improvement has been seen. This year promises to be different. We are ye to see if the Kampferian team will choke like their brothers in baseball. For the Fuhrer's sake, we hope that they don't. He would probably have a heart attack if both of his teams choked so badly. In other news regarding the Kampferian squad, rumour has it that they are itching for the World Cup to begin and would be willing to play a friendly to help pass the time. In our last soccer related news, Kampferian Assistant Captain and Goal Keeper Kasey Kuhn has recently been linked to Kampferian celebrity Kristy Paradiso, who was listed as one of the worlds top 100 most beautiful women.

Read more at our website: www.kampferianfreepress.kmpf

To the person in charge of the Qazox national football team,

Changing the name of your team isn't going to help its performance. Anyone with half a brain can see two problems with your team that need addressing far more urgently:

1) Too many kids (average age just over 23) - you can't rely on youth once you make it to the final 32 - you wouldn't see Ariddia or Bettia field such a team of rookies.

2) No women - c'mon, you're ignoring half your talent pool (and it's not like you lack world-class female players - you just refuse to select them).

Kind regards.

imonedebouvoi
Convenor, Errinundera Football Association.

Official letter
from the Capitalizt SLANI Committee For the Organization of World Cup 36 (SLANI CFOWC36)

We have received your letter, forwarded from the diplomatic office of the Unified Capitalizt States (which tends not to do much of anything on its own). The borders of the Unified Capitalizt States are open—no identification of any kind is required to enter the nation. However, since the qualification matches will be played at the home venues of the participating teams, your fans will not need to enter the UCS to watch the 대한제국 (Daehanjeguk) team (unless they are drawn against 자스연 (Jasīʼyūn), which plays its home games in the UCS) except if they qualify for the final rounds, though they are welcome to come anyway.

—Rhonda Washington
Relations manager, SLANI CFOWC36

To: Foreign Ministers of participating in the World Cup 36
From: Foreign Minister of Jeruselem

The diplomatic status of our current coach Dazza Dallas has changed. She is currently the official Jeruselem ambassador to Ariddia, so "The Village Bike" is actually one of our ambassadors.

Please adjust your diplomatic records to reflect this. The goverments of Jeruselem and Ariddia are already aware of this.

The previous message had an error as my secretary is Syrian Northian. Syrian Northian refer to Dazza Dallas as the embassassor and she got the two words tangled. Actually, Dazza Dallas can be described as an embassador as well.

OOC
Thanks AIF

Somewhere deep in the Imperial Secretariat for International Protocol...

"Say, Nick, says here that this Dazza Dallas chick is now the Jeruselem 'embassador' to Ariddia, and that we should address her accordingly."

"So what, Bardas? We don't have anything to do with those Ordinary Reality Mundies anyway. Why should we care about a new ambassadorial appointment down there?"

"No, no, you misheard... not 'ambassador', but 'embassador'."

"There's no such thing, Bardas."

"Well, according to Jeruselem, there is, Nick. It says so right here. See... 'embassador'."

"Oh. Do we have any protocols for addressing an embassador?"

"Don't think so, Nick... we may have to make one up..."

"Oh. OK then. Let's think about this..."

<two hours later>


To Embassador Dazza Dallas of Jeruselem

Your Right Honorable Sluttiness,

Congratulations on your new appointment.

Cheers,

The Holy Empire

Jeruselem Government News

Jeruselem World Cup 36 friendlies - Bike wins, Kate doesn't

Kampfers (#53) 0x2 Jeruselem (#9)

Jeruselem flew to Kampfers for a friendly game. Jeruselem haven't played that team before or for a while and the new look Jeruselem team with three Dallas girls excluding the coach was going to be tested against the 53rd seed. It was the team's first proper game and they won TWO NIL.

Dazza Dallas, also the Ariddian Ambassador for Jeruselem was quite please with the first game. She said
"We looked a bit rusty and out of step but this is a new team really. I was trying to work out a formation which worked with these new players! I need to work on the team more but we need a real opponent like Ariddia to test this team. Then I can find weaknesses. I was pretty happy and even got to put my daughter on for the last few minutes. I wish I was out there sometimes."

Elves Security Forces (#4) 5x1 Jeru FC (#114)

As expected the Jeru FC got destroyed by the Marauders. Kate Bush's team scored one goal but the defense couldn't hold out the attack of the Marauders at all. In fact, the score should have been more like TEN ONE but the Jeru FC were lucky the keeper was holding the ball today.

Kate Bush said "We were crap! That's all I can say. Must do better if we are to win any games. Don't know what Dazza Dallas to get these players working but it's not working for me. Err, maybe sitting naked on the bench might work but I'm not Dazza Dallas."

Kampfers Stadt, Kampfers
In the office of the Fuhrer

Fuhrer Richtoff was pacing violently. Inside his office was his friend General Klischten. "How did this happen! We lost 2-0! Didn't even score a goal!"

Klischten smiled at his friend. "Sir, we are the number 53 seed. We played the #9 seed. We were clearly outmatched. Give it a rest sir. Our boys played well. It only bodes good for the future. Our team has improved so much. Remember two years ago? We lost every game we played."

Richtoff sighed. "I see your point. But are you sure there is nothing we can do? Can we invade them or something? Have an operative kill a few players? Send a message to other teams?"

"Sir, this game was a "Friendly". If it's ok with you, I'd like to keep it that way. No action is needed from our part."

"Alright. Well, tell my secretary to send them my regards. Tell em they played their hearts out and that's what counts. If they continue to play like this, Kampferian soccer will become a world force!"

OOC: I can't seem to find the scores thread. Does anybody have a linky?

To the person in charge of the Qazox national football team,

Changing the name of your team isn't going to help its performance. Anyone with half a brain can see two problems with your team that need addressing far more urgently:

1) Too many kids (average age just over 23) - you can't rely on youth once you make it to the final 32 - you wouldn't see Ariddia or Bettia field such a team of rookies.

2) No women - c'mon, you're ignoring half your talent pool (and it's not like you lack world-class female players - you just refuse to select them).

Kind regards.

imonedebouvoi
Convenor, Errinundera Football Association.

(ooc: I was planning on it anyway, just decided to make it into an RP thing.. as for the 2nd.. i didn't realise it until now)

I have to cover WHAT?

Your a junior reporter, Sam. You arent going to get to cover basketball or American football or even baseball. Just like I did you will start covering soccer.

Cmon on now Bur...

That'd be boss or Mr Burke.

Yessir but cant you make Nicole cover it?

No Sam. Nicole already *ahem* has an assignment.

Yeah, your bed thought Sam.

Yessir. When do i leave?

First thing tomorrow. We have a friendly at Bostopia.

Fuck.Yessir. Great. Maybe there will be more than a dozen people attending.

Great. Snap me some pictures and ill see you in five days. Now I have somewhere to be.

Yeah. In that whore's pants. Yessir. Five days sir. Shit.

Ive gotta cover maybe the sixth most popular sport in the nation while my boss goes and does the writer who *should* have this dumb assignment. Soccer he scoffed, what a lame sport. They score 3 times and its an offensive explosion. Where is Bostopia anyway? Great. Only a 4 hour flight. I suppose it could be worse, they could force me to cover hockey. Ha now thats a boring sport. It doesnt get cold enough hardly anywhere in Bercktesgaden, save for the central highlands, to smack rubber around a stupid slab of ice. He sighed and said

I hope Bostopian girls are nice.

"So what do you think of the Potheads chances this time around?" asks a man sitting in a bar somewhere in Marleyville, to the guy next to him.

"They suck. Every other damn country that has won the BoF has gone on and qualifed for the WC since we've won it. Well Quakmybush in the same cup we debuted at made it, and they didn't even enter the BoF." the other man replied.

"But what about a couple of years agao when they made it to the finals of the CoH?" the first man said.

"The CoH? what a load of bullshit that tourney is. 'Aw, we're sorry your team sucks so bad they couldn't get into the World Cup, so please play in this feel-good crap tourney." the 2nd man replies, taking a swig of his Marley Beer.

"Well they have certainly improved some what since the Olympics 3 years ago. I think they could make it this year." the first man says, taking a swig of his Marley Lite.

"I bet you they won't" the second man says. "If those bunch of losers make the World Cup, I'll kiss a Sativavillian tree frog on its ass."

"Ok, and if they don't I'll eat a Marley Mole, raw." says the first man.

The bartender take a look at the two guys and mutters to himself, "Why do the Mayor and the Chief of Police have to to this every World Cup? And in my bar to boot?"

The Jeruselem Army News

Jeru FC get blown up by Marauders

After being a brave runner-up in the Oxen Cup 2 coached by the Bike, Jeru FC crashed back to it's normal self. Elven Security Forces who are ranked above Jeruselem at #4 compared to the #114 ranking for Jeru FC, proved to be too good. Jeru FC lost it's way losing FIVE ONE in a friendly away from home.

Coach Kate Bush wasn't pleased with the effort but said the Marauders were the better team and the scoreline should have been TEN ONE really. Still, it's a shake-up for our army team who play well with Dazza Dallas as coach but crap under her sister Debbie Dallas and now Kate Bush.

The team promised not to repeat the Oxen Cup 2 incident where the team stripped Dazza Dallas of her clothes before she was going make a speech after the final had been played.

http://tazdog.com/nationstates/tt-lake-news.jpg

North Lake News Press Release:

North Lake:
The first ever TT Lake Side national soccer team didn't do so well in the Baptism of Fire Tournament. They were paired up in Group 3 and was cut out after the first 4 challenges.

Manager Weber described the team as a "building and learning team" and went on to say "This is our first appearance in the international scene, and we will only get better with more match time."

The players seemed to be in good spirits despite the BOF Tournament results, and were looking forward to the World Cup.

TT Lake side has submitted their rosters and team kits to the World Cup 36 organizers and now await the grouping process and they are making there way to the host nation. The next report will be from the host nation once the team gets settled in.

Row threatens big blue future

A major row over the future of C&M international sport is threatening to overshadow the national football team’s progress in the Baptism of Fire, and the forthcoming World Cup qualifiers.

Long-simmering tension between the FA and the CMSC [Candelaria And Marquez Soccer Championship; the governing body of the national professional league structure] has come to a head over the last few days following FA spokesman Clive Malden’s interview with this paper. In Wednesday’s edition of the Herald, Malden confirmed that the FA were “seriously considering” the possibility of introducing so-called ‘central contracts’ for the very best C&M players. Such an arrangement would see approximately 20 players permanently assigned to the national team; playing only intermittently for their clubs sides.

The primary purpose of the move would be to make possible the country’s long-term involvement in international competition, currently highly difficult due to the extremely slow passage of Time in the Candelarias compared to much of the World. Malden explained: “Many other nations experience two or even four years passing by between Cups – we see just a matter of weeks. This situation has helped keep us out of international competition for too long, and if we have to make our players represent their country all-year-round to facilitate our entry into tournaments of the future then this is what has to happen.”

However, CMSC director-general Owain Llwyn hit back at the FA’s proposals on R0A’s Kick-Off show last night. In a wide-ranging, ten-minute rant to the programme’s hosts, he maintained that the CMSC “had not been consulted once about these inane proposals”, and argued that the loss of the country’s star players from Division One would “send the game careering back to the Seventies”. He also produced a quote from an anonymous doctor, which claimed that such an arrangement could cause serious medical and mental difficulties – most notably premature aging – to the C&M national team players. “Candelaria And Marquez do not belong in international sport,” Llwyn concluded, “Not in years back and not in the future.”

The country’s involvement in the World Cup qualifiers has already attracted criticism from a cross-party group of Members of the House of Representatives, led by veteran Modern Liberal MotH Tate Mammoliti, who claimed last week that the financial burden of hosting competitive matches and sending the team abroad would see government sports funding siphoned from “community schemes vital for occupying the minds and bodies of the country’s young people.”

The Big Blues play their final BoF group-stage challenge tomorrow.

From the Albrecht Herald: "the Candelarias' best-selling quality daily"

Elven Times
How To Be Champions

After a dramatic exit from the Proper two years back, the Marauders find themselves again preparing for the qualifying stages of the World Cup. For the fourth straight tournament, they will be sporting a new formation, however it must be noted that it is still a 3-5-2, but with two central midfielders instead of attacking. After spending the last eight years under the tutelage of the first and only foreign coach, Inkai Soler of Vilita, the ESC decided to go back to a home grown product, with last tournament's captain, Justinian Constant, taking the helm. This is a risky move that the Commitee is taking as Constant has no managing in his history, going straight from playing on the national team to managing it. I suspect that he will have to rely on Titenburg alot this tournament to keep the squad on a steady pace.

Needing a few matches under his belt before heading into competitive play, Constant has been able to arrange a round robin type of tournament before the tournament where the Marauders will play the familar faces of: Bostopia, Demot, and Assegai Developments. These three squads will prove much more of a challange to Constant and his squad than the Jeru FC squad the team played against yesterday, as they provide better tactics and talent than the relatively Jeru squad could offer against the Marauders. Despite the obvious difference in talent, a few good signs came out of the match. Jaques and Hawk both looked very formidable in the middle, facilitating play and freeing up the wingers to make their runs. Fresco is clearing a star waiting to make his jump, as he was able to get a goal in the mere ten minutes he had on the pitch. Finally, the Kries twins live up to their families name, as both Cristi and Nelson had an assist.

The squad will be traveling to Cafundeu it is believed for the round robin tournament and fans should get their tickets quickly as they will likely not get a chance to see these other squads again for at least four years, unless they somehow get drawn together. Also, be sure to attend the Baptism of Fire matches that are about occur in the nation to get a good bead on the rising teams in the footballing world. A good showing here will go along way into getting the Federation some respect the next time they submit a bid to host the World Cup or other tournaments.

Elves Security Forces 5
Kiso Night (13, 50)
Jere Jannian (38)
Nikali Rikard (67)
Anti Fresco (84)

Jeru FC 1
Player 9 (37)

Article by Luna Santapa

OOC: I can't seem to find the scores thread. Does anybody have a linky?

The qualifiers haven't started yet. The friendly scores are posted in the Discussion thread.

Kampfers Stadt, Kampfers
In the office of the Fuhrer

"Fuhrer Richtoff was talking sports with General Klischten once again. "So I'm thinking about sending our boys off to play another friendly."

Klischten was appalled. "Sir, the boys just got home to their families! Let them have some time. Besides, they are already warmed up, and the Baptism of Fire will be over soon. The draw is almost upon us."

Richtoff smiled. "Exactly. We need to get them that one last bit of practice in before the tournament."

"Sir, you fool yourself. You will just fatigue them."

Richtoff sighed. "Whatever. I defer to your judgement. And I am thinking of benching Ballack."

"That is preposterous! Your not even the manager! He would have done so if it would have helped! Besides, he's the team captain! The younger players look up to him. He is the fan favorite! Why?"

"He is getting old and lazy. He hasn't scored this year in international play, and is scoreless in three straight games with Kampfers Stadt FC, which I own mind you. I'm losing sponsorship money!"

"Sir, be reasonible. You wouldn't sell many tickets if he was benched, losing you more money. Even though he hasn't cracked the bank this year in international play, no one has! We have only played one game, and they clean-sheeted us. Don't make a fuss about it. Now, even though he hasn't scored in three games for your club team, does it really matter? He has 4 assists and has played stellar defense. You have only lost one of those games, and that was to a shitty slide tackle from the rear by Kai!"

"True, true. Well, I suppose I'll let the team be for now."

"Good. It would be best if you did that more often sir."

"Oh shut up General. Now leave, I have buisness to attend to."

http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z259/pertinax201/LBGsport.jpg

BL victorious in exhibition match

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/41836000/jpg/_41836394_ricardosave203.jpg

In a 'friendly match' against the national team from Daehanjeiguk, the Londinian proved victorious with a score of 1-0.

The game was held in British Londinium's Xylander Stadium, with nearly ninety-two thousand football fans in attendance.

The Han team received the first kick-off, only having it deflected by the defence.

By the end of the first half, no goals had been scored, though Han forward Kim Daeeui nearly managed to get the ball around goalkeeper Colbert Tafani.

With only two minutes left on the clock, forward James Yossarian scored the decisive point of the match.

"See, I thought that their defender [Yi Sabik] made some sort of obscene gesture at me," Yossarian said later. "I kicked the ball as hard as I could at his head - he ducked and it went straight into the goal."

With the defeat of a highly respected team, Londinian hopes for success in World Cup 36 has rocketed.

Story from LBG NEWS:
http://news.lbg.co.rsp/go/pr/fr/-/2/hi/cazelia/2677291.stm

Published:03:53:02 LST

© LBG MMXII

Jeruselem Government News

Dazza Dallas Fan Club changes name!

Fans of The Village Bike may have noticed a small change with recent Dazza Dallas Fan Club correspondence. Yes, it's have changed name - the old fan club is no more, it's now the "Dazza Dallas and Daughters Fan Club". With the increasing demand for Kate Dallas fan club material, it decided to change to name to reflect the changing world. Already Kate and Jacinta Dallas get fan mail, so the old Dazza Dallas fan club is now reaching wider.

...

Jeruselem Government News

Crusaders slay Oxen err Qazox

One of fave teams Qazox, formerly the Oxen and waiting for a new name - turned up in Jeruselem hoping to teach Dazza's team a lesson. Ranked 29th, Qazox beat Jeruselem in Qazox last time they met. This time Jeruselem was the better team at home with Dazza Dallas fielding a very female team - including her daughter 14 year old Kate Dallas. Dazza left most of the male players on the bench for the first half and played every female player she had in first half.

It seems to work as the "female" Jeruselem team caused problems with for the all-male Qazox team scoring three goals as Dazza's relatives Kate and Hikfie were running rings around the Qazox defense with Rashina Dallas defending. Kate scored in 10th minute to show, she's going to be great future player. Ariddian born Fifi Renault scored in 30th minute after a deft pass from Kate, so the Ariddians are doing well. Dazza's roboclone scored late in the 1st half, blasting past the Qazox keeper with a thunderbolt of a shot. THREE NIL to Jeruselem in the first half

Qazox fought back in the 2nd half as Dazza rested her relatives, puttting on the male players. Qazox were far more comfortable with the more male team and scored two goals but it was too late in the end. Ironically Jeruselem's only Qazoxian, Fix Foster - a defender scored the last goal after Brother Haven sent in a cross to allow our Qazoxian to score against her homeland. The more male Jeruselem seem to have a slower pace of game as the females prefer to run around like rabbits.

A great game from the team as Rashina Dallas has two wins from two games as Captain so far. 14 year old Kate Dallas is looking just like child prodigy like mother was and people should be looking out for her in the future.

Dazza Dallas was pleased with the result
"I wished I was out there. Seeing Kate play, makes me remind me of when I was young and well, the team was great. I think this mixed team business works. An all-male team is too slow but put in the girls with their pace and it's worked as it has for the last few cups. I can't field an all female team as they would burn out too quickly as well."

Dazza Dallas later treated the entire Qazox team to nice lunch at a fancy local Ariddian-themed restaurant, owned by herself. Entertainment was provided by local bellydancers.

New Qazian Press

Qazox 2x1 Cafundéu

Jeruselem 4x2 Qazox

A day before the team finds out its new name a couple of results from friendlies played earlier this week have been finallly (no thanks to a certain intern who no longer works here... you know who you are).

The first match saw a rematch from the OXEN Cup when Cafundeu came to town. The whatever they are going to be named held off the Monopolists 2-1. Yancy Fry scored int he 30th giving the home side an early lead, but Cafundeu's Ivan Moutinho Gomes a.k.a "Flecha", scored in the 44th to tie it up at 1-1. But a fluke goal by Oleg Halcho in the 62nd minute that took a wierd hop gave Qazox the win.

in the second friendly Qazox took on Jeruselem and lost 4-2. The Dallas Clan continues to befuddle the... God it's hard not to call them just the Oxen. Kate scored in 10th minute to lead off the scoring. Fifi Renault scored in 30th minute to make it 2-nil then RoboDazza made it 3-0 just before the half.

Yancy Fry continue his magic touch scoring int he 56th and 78th minutes to make it 3-2 but a late goal from Fix Foster, a Jeruselem national born in Qazox finished off the visitors 4-2.

The good news it that in about 5 minutes the Voting deadline for the new team name will come and we'll have fan reactions to the new name and a special editorial by historian Hank Reginald.

http://i159.photobucket.com/albums/t156/daehanjeiguk/news.png

In three matches, the Imperial Han Football Team has suffered two losses yet managed a tie against Jeruselem.

The match against British Londinium was a disappointing 0-1 loss away in Xylander Stadium. The sole goal was off a 18 yard shot from James Yossaria, with only 2 minutes left in the match. Defender Yi Sabik was criticized for what was an apparent "duck" from the ball.

The second match took the Imperial Team to Puggaree in Errinundera, where they suffered an even worse loss: 4-1. The sole consolation goal was scored in the 51st minute, by Kim Byeongji. The Errinundera team nonetheless proved to be a formidable opponent and host, boasting a style that was nearly impenetrable, save the one shot.

The third match, taken back home to Emperor Gojong Stadium, was against Jeruselem. The match started slowly, but the Imperial Team struck early, with a goal by Yi Dongguk in the 16th minute. However, Jeruselem was undaunted and replied in the 25th minute with their own spectacular goal. It remained even throughout the remainder of the match, although Jeruselem was ready at times to break the deadlock. Nonetheless, the tie was a pleasant surprise for the Imperial Team, as it continues its World Cup Friendly Tour.

Head Coach Cha Beomgun spoke in a press conference after the three matches: "I was disappointed in our first two matches, but I have to concede that we were outmatched in all three matches. The other teams have apparently had enough experience, and our players are still young. I am only too happy to have gotten out of the Jeruselem match a tie, which won't be enough to win qualifying matches for the World Cup, but if we keep playing good professional teams, I can only imagine that we will eventually gather enough strength and experience to make an impact in the World Cup."

This news is brought to you by MBC International - Bringing the World Together Again! (세계를 함께 가져오기 다시!)

From the desk of Robber Captain Ug-Mt,

To all nations participating in world cup 36, we encourage you to work towards establishing a world cup defined about something other than greed. We are worried that our two hosts will drive us towards a cup all about money rather than any of the other positive values that this cup can represent.

First an entreaty to our two hosts. They are Commerce Heights, also know as Unified Capitalizt States, and Cafundeu, also known as the Monopolists. We understand that both of your nations are very interested in gathering money. But we ask you to put aside those goals for this cup and work towards establishing brotherhood, race and species good will and betterment of all mankind.

We also encourage other socialist nations to strongly make clear their beliefs and support for all of sentientkind. We encourage older and well respected nations like Ariddia and Errinundera to lead the way in this movement to help make sure that this cup is positive for all. And even if your nation doesn't have the history or prestige of those nations, if you support equality we ask you to make your voice heard.

During this cup we in Az-cz will definitely be making our voice heard in the name of equality and social justice. We encourage all nations to do the same.

Robber Captain Ug-Mt

Amda-Mo: 2-2 draw in Cafundeu to start our cup. How's that shake out for you?

Lur-Mn: Well seeing as how Zax-Im wisely rested most of his starters this time I'm not too displeased with the result.

Amda-Mo: Are you suprised we're still using the 3-7-0 formation?

Lur-Mn: No. Neither EE-Or or Fe-Do really made the push to take a starting spot. With the whole team lined up from last cup I don't think a change would've made much sense.

Amda-Mo: So what are the things to look for going ahead this cup.

Lur-Mn: First and foremost is the play of the veterans. Three rocks of the squad are retiring, and all have slowed down a bit. But if they play with a determination and a passion to go out strong in their last cup they could be incredibly dangerous. After that of course it's the defense. How good is Shockey actually. He looked phenomenal last qualifiers, but struggled a bit in the cup itself. So we'll see.

Amda-Mo: Any word on other friendlies?

Lur-Mn: The traditional Bettia friendly is in the works, for what will be the fourth consecutive cup. Matches against Ariddia and Bazalonia have also been proposed, though those are much less confirmed.

Amda-Mo: Any teams you'd like to see or avoid in the draw?

Lur-Mn: I'd like to avoid any of the hyperviolent teams. Northern Bettia and Turruth Gordur would be the first to come to mind. But in terms of talent there's no one we should be hoping to avoid. We're still the number five team in the world so we won't be facing any top-10 teams. Below that of course there are some good teams, but we ought to be able to deal with them.

Amda-Mo: Indeed. Well we'll be back with coverage throughout the tournament. Good bye for now.

Lur-Mn: Ciao everyone.

QSPN2 FOOTBALL SPECIAL

Announcer: Welcome to this special night, when the Qazox Black Oxen become whatever Qazox voted them to be. Lets get this started. I'm going to reveal the team names once again, and announce the least popular name chosen by a staggering 52,997,139 votes.

Once again the list of nominees:
The Qazox Quails.
The Qazox Zebras.
The Qazox Anteaters.
The Qazox Osprey.
The Qazox eX-Parrots.
The Qazox Blackbirds.
The Qazox Pheonix.
The Qazox Carnivores.
The Qazox T-Rex.
The Qazox Black Wolves.

The 10th place finisher with just under 2 million votes:
THE QAZOX ANTEATERS. TOTAL VOTES: 1,956,239.

The 9th place finsiher with just over 2 million votes:
THE QAZOX QUAILS. TOTAL VOTES: 2,150,963.

We'll be back after this commercial break.

<Shows Commerical for WORLD CUP 36 tickets and travel packages>

So far the Anteaters and the Quails have been eliminated, so let's eliminate the next name:
In 8th place with about three million votes:
THE QAZOX EX-PARROTS. TOTAL VOTES: 3,017,583

The 7th place nick-name with just under 5 million votes is:
THE QAZOX OSPREY. TOTAL VOTES: 4,896,038

The Sixth placed team name with just over 5 million votes:
THE QAZOX CARNIVORES. TOTAL VOTES: 5,007,210

And in the last one before the next commercial break, with a total of almost 7 million votes:
THE QAZOX ZEBRAS. TOTAL VOTES: 6,987,200

We're down to the Top Four is your favorite still in the running? Find out after this commercial break.

<Commerical for Rojo Toro Beer>

Now we're getting into the top 4 and it was close throughout the entire week, but only one name will win.

The 4th placed teamname with 7,137,518 votes: THE QAZOX BLACKBIRDS.

The 3rd placed nickname with 7,269,593 votes: THE QAZOX T-REX.

That leaves us with only two Nominees, the Black Wolves and the Pheonix. The final vote was so close they had to count it 3 times to be sure. The difference between 1st and 2nd place was a measly 195 votes.

And now the new team name of the Qazox National football team, and to extent every other national team, with a votes total of 7,287,495 to 7,287,300 the new team name is:

THE QAZOX
PHEONIX

LOGO: http://www.pheonix-az.com/pheonix_bird.jpg

Team Colors: White, Gold and Red.

From the desk of Robber Captain Ug-Mt,

To all nations participating in world cup 36, we encourage you to work towards establishing a world cup defined about something other than greed. We are worried that our two hosts will drive us towards a cup all about money rather than any of the other positive values that this cup can represent.

First an entreaty to our two hosts. They are Commerce Heights, also know as Unified Capitalizt States, and Cafundeu, also known as the Monopolists. We understand that both of your nations are very interested in gathering money. But we ask you to put aside those goals for this cup and work towards establishing brotherhood, race and species good will and betterment of all mankind.

We also encourage other socialist nations to strongly make clear their beliefs and support for all of sentientkind. We encourage older and well respected nations like Ariddia and Errinundera to lead the way in this movement to help make sure that this cup is positive for all. And even if your nation doesn't have the history or prestige of those nations, if you support equality we ask you to make your voice heard.

During this cup we in Az-cz will definitely be making our voice heard in the name of equality and social justice. We encourage all nations to do the same.

Robber Captain Ug-Mt

Dear Robber Captain Ug-Mt

I do agree with the sentiments reflected in your plea to the World Cup 36 community about money and rampant capitalism, and being semi-Ariddian myself. My views can be viewed as paradoxical as while I do want equality and social justice, I am also a typical capitalist too. I'm not exactly your typical coach, as I am Jeruselem's richest woman and probably the "whore" of the business community. These values can co-exist, as I give some of my money to disadvantaged of this world. I try to keep whores off the streets because my Mum was on the street once and help poor families feed their kids. To fund this, I need my business ventures or else I cannot give my money away.

Love
Dazza Dallas, Jeruselem WC36 Coach and Ariddian Ambassador for Jeruselem
XXX

Broadcasting live from the Channel 9 Studios in downtown Fort Boston, THIS is Channel 9 Griffwitness News, Bostopia!

And you’re watching Channel 9 Breakfast News, with Lisa Granniff and Dan Fields!

[Fields] Hello and good morning! I’m Dan Fields, thanks for joining us. Our top stories this morning: A fleet of Geesemonkies are attatched to a missile and launched from Cadarnia, landing in the pool in Fort Boston Castle; A cat is stuck in a tree in Squigg, Port Flamerty State; Bostopia and Oliverry have launched signups for the World Grand Prix Championship Season 6; Bostopia last night played a friendly against Sel Appa, and Az-cz has claimed that the current World Cup is about ‘greed’ and should rather be promoting Socialist values of ‘establishing brotherhood, race and species good will and betterment of all mankind.’ This has, of course, sparked a massive debate.

[Granniff] But now onto our first story; Earlier this morning, the Armed Republic of Cadarnia, who have already forced Bostopia to expand their nuclear weapons program due to their flag alone being threatening, fired a ICBM missile containing no charge at Fort Boston Castle, dragging 6 Geesemonkies behind it. The missile landed with the now-deceased Geesemonkies still attached in the swimming pool at the back of Fort Boston Castle, prompting a major security alert.

[Fields] Emperor Boston has said that Cadarnia took things a step far this time, and that all Bostopia had done in the first place was to drop a picnic hamper in the main square of Cadantia, the capital of Cadarnia. The Emperor went on to say that High Lord Cadarn would soon be finding out that his actions have severe consequences. Let’s listen to a clip of the Emperor now.

The shot changes to show Emperor Boston in his office making a statement.

[Boston] Cadarnia has took things a step too far this time, all we had done in the first place was to drop a picnic hamper as a sign of good will in the main square of Cadantia. High Lord Cadarn will soon be finding out that his actions have severe consequences.

[Granniff] Of course, we’ll keep you updated on the story, with a live report coming from Greg Griffis who’s at the scene later.

[Fields] And onto our next story – Mrs.Tibbles’ cat has again managed to get itself stuck in a tree in Squigg. This is the fifth time this week it’s happened, but the SQFD Chief has pledged to save the cat and return it to its owner. Mrs.Tibbles is said to be distressed and concerned that this keeps happening, and is becoming paranoid, saying that we here at Channel 9 are putting the cat in the tree to ensure there’s a good news story every day of the week. Channel 9’s owner, Greg Griffis, denied these allegations.

The shot changes to show Greg Griffis, with stains on his suit and scratches on his hands, with a “Welcome to Squigg” sign visible.

[Griffis] It’s ludicrous to think that we would put a cat in a tree, especially just to make news. Viewers know from our quality programming that there would be no need to do this, the news makes itself, and we report it.

[Serfeld] So, Mr.Griffis, can you explain the bark-coloured stains on your shirt and what looks like cat scratches on your hands?

[Griffis] I was rescuing a kite from a tree, and the toddler I was getting it for snatched a bit and scraped me.

The shot returns to the Breakfast studio.

[Fields] The Sixth Season of the World Grand Prix Championship has been launched by Oliverry, and current Drivers and Constructors Champions, Bostopia. Bostopia F1 have of course entered, with Adam Teraining taking car number double-zero, with Dave Prast in car number 2. Despite rumours, organisers have said the first race is not likely to take place in Bostopia, but more likely half-way through the season, when the weather should be drier, reducing chance of rain during the race weekend.

[Granniff] The Oliverrians have welcomed this opportunity to work together with Bostopia, despite the countries having some rivalry against each other. Strangely, they’ve only ever faced us in the WGPC, so for the rivalry to be this intense, there must be some other activity going on behind the scenes.

[Fields] In World Cup Qualification preparation, Bostopia last night played Sel Appa in a friendly game. Bostopia went one nil ahead in the 26th minute via a Harry Auderrie goal, and that’s the way it stayed at half time. However, in the second half, the Sel Appan “Haxxors Brigade LOL!” decided to put a picture of Dazza Dallas in her ‘natural state’ on the big screen facing the way the Bostopians were attacking. Unfortunately, our players got distracted, and we ended up losing by 3 goals to 1.

[Granniff] Those slimy Sel Appans. I’d hate to be that minority community this morning!

[Fields] Definitely not good.

[Granniff] Next up, members of the Bostopian National Party have criticised Az-cz’s captain, Ug-Mt, for making a politicised speech ahead of the World Cup. As we told you earlier, he said that the World Cup will be something he hoped would be “defined about something other than greed.” There has been no sign of any greed from either of the hosts as yet, with any offers of sponsorship coming from companies outside of the UCS and Cafundéu. We can speak to…no, actually, we can speak to Prime Minister Paul Granworth, MP for Riikenberg North-East.

Thanks for joining us, Prime Minister.

The Prime Minister is shown in a studio with a live image of the Isles Parliament building behind him.

[Granworth] No problem at all Lisa, glad to be here.

[Granniff] Prime Minister, what are your concerns regarding the statement from the Az-cz captain?

[Granworth] Well, he said that they will be “definitely be making our voice heard in the name of equality and social justice.” This concerns me as the World Cup should not be used for political gain, and we fear that our youngsters will be corrupted by the Cultural Marxism and Kulturbolschewismus that Az-cz and other handout, welfare driven nations will be preaching in interviews and suchlike when football should be a non-political issue.

The Az-cz player also stated that they want to “work towards establishing brotherhood, race and species good will and betterment of all mankind.” This puts dangerous ideas into the minds of our youngsters, who know that the Bostopian race and culture is by far the most advanced in this age, and that there are some within this race and culture that fail to live up to that. Az-cz and other Socialist nations coming out preaching their social justice will only encourage Bostopian children to stop on their path toward their own goals and furthurment by helping those who have failed to take advantage of the position they have been given. We have the tripartite system for this very reason, social justice would take away the tripartite system, the one where the brightest get challenged and the least-bright get the help they need, without one holding the other up or one going too quick for the other!

Those in Bostopia who find themselves disadvantaged find themselves in that position because they didn’t work, they didn’t strive, and they’d rather mess about and play the fool, well joke’s on them now. We can’t start giving hand outs to these people when the Government supplied them with a free, perfectly quality education from ages 4 to 16 which everyone has the opportunity to take.

Any sign of the World Cup being politicised in ways which we in the Bostopian Government find could potentially smear the minds of our children will not be tolerated, and there will be talks with the Emperor. We don’t want to have to start censoring or potentially banning the viewing of interviews from football players incase they get politicised, but we’ve fought off Socialism in our own country before in the form of attempted coups, and we’ve fought it from external threats. We will not accept Socialism creeping in the back door, poisoning the minds of our children.

[Granniff] Thank you Prime Minister, I’m sure the populace of Bostopia share your concerns, and will respond adequately.

[Fields] Alright, Local News and Weather where you are and then the weather picture internationally is up after the break, we’ll see you after a few short messages.

Kampfers Stadt, Kampfers
Kampferian National Team Practice

Ballack was dribbling with the ball and shook out three consecutive players. Kai, Ballacks close friend, got onto him for taking advantage of the subs. "Man, you shook them like I shook yo momma last night!" A group "OOOOHHHH!" was heard.

Ballack walked up to him. "You talkin about my momma?"

"Damn right!" Kai fired back.

"Boy, you know not to talk about my momma!" Ballack yelled, clenching a fist.

The manager ran in between the two. "Guys, cut it out! We only have a few more weeks until the Cup starts. If you have problems with each other, ya'll can both stay home, or just wait to deal with 'em until after the Cup."

OOC: Heh, starting my WC subplot...

One day after the friendly between Az-cz and Cafundéu in Abadia, nearly all the newspapers of the country were showing the declarations of Az-cz leader Ug-Mt, who said that the Cup should be used to promote socialist values. Miguel Jóia and the Counselor-Minister Jowenguard were worried with the situation.

MIGUEL - "We call them to inaugurate one of our new stadiums and look what happens. Now all the country is talking about it, that we're driving the World Cup to the path of greed."

JOWENGUARD - "But he is right. We are, and I see no problem. Everyone knows that the main goal of the Emperor in this World Cup is to profit a lot with investors and with the arrival of people from all around the world."

MIGUEL - "But we can face problems with socialist countries."

JOWENGUARD - "If we want to profit or not with the World Cup is our problem. I can assure you that nothing wrong will happen."

MIGUEL - "So will we just ignore his comments?"

JOWENGUARD - "We could try, but it won't be possible. As you said, the newspapers took advantage of this controversial issue to profit more. How interesting, the media taking advantage of socialist comments to earn more money. Soon they'll want to hear our comments about this issue, and we won't be able to avoid it."

MIGUEL - "What are you going to say to them?"

JOWENGUARD - "I will say that of course the CCFM is worried with social equality, that one of our aims in this World Cup is to unite the people of the world to bring peace and improve the relations between the countries, and that the money is secondary, making the CCFM look more compassionate."

MIGUEL - "Is this the truth?"

JOWENGUARD - "No, of course! We're interested in the money! But the media interest in this issue must decrease, to avoid more discussions!"

MIGUEL - "And the Emperor? Is he worried?"

JOWENGUARD - "He is only worried with the fact that Governor Derrod would use these comments to promote the arrival of the republic. You know, he has a lot of influence in his state."

MIGUEL - "I didn't think about that! Of course Doutor Careca will use these comments to increase the political debate between the monarchy and the republic!"

JOWENGUARD - "Yes, that's why we need to try to soften these comments. But we'll continue to search for investors, to get more money with this World Cup."

New Qazian Press

Special Editoral from Hank Reginald, Professor Emiritus, Univeristy of Qazox-Las Vitas, History.


Pheonix?? Pheonix? They can't even spell the new team name right and they expect the country to accept this BS? Granted with all the re-building and crap that has gone on here over the last few years. No thanks to the weak-willed government that allowed the Tachyon Cascade to spiral out of control. Not to mention the outbreaks of the Bovine Flu, Ox-Pox and other plagues and calamities, the thought of the Phoenix (note: the Proper spelling) as the new national symbol seems appropriate to the uneducated. But the underlying story of the Phoenix is one of ritual suicide and nonsensical resurrection. Truly no-one belives that a bird will set itself on fire, willingly in order to reproduce? Its preposterous.

Any student of history can tell you that when ever a nations identity begins to shift from its main values it colapses within years. For example: The Roman Republic. From repelling the vile Carthiginians, Greeks and Phoenicians to bringing Democracy to the Western World to civilizing the Germanic peoples of Northern Europe the Roman Republic was one ofthe greatest national entities ever. But in the 5th century AD, they began moving away from their democratic ideals and within 100 years Rome was sacked by the Mongols lead by Attila the Hun. And what came after you may ask? The Papal States which dominated Europe until the War of 1812, when Napoleon liberated the Jews from the Ottoman Empire.

I see now that Qazox is beining its decent into destruction and I humbly ask any sane person to help me stop this insanity before its too late.


The New Qazian Press takes no responsibilty of any of our editoral speech and does not abide by the writing above.

(ooc: Prof. Reginald has a rather unique interpretation of history. That's why he makes little sense and his facts are just a bit off.)

The Imperial Foreign Affairs Ministry would like to offer school books to Qazox, in order to provide proper instruction of history to its loyal subjects.

We also realize that this statement is out of place...

The Imperial Foreign Affairs Ministry would like to offer school books to Qazox, in order to provide proper instruction of history to its loyal subjects.

We also realize that this statement is out of place...

(OOC: 99.9999999999% of Qazox knows the "real history" but for some reason the Professor doesn't and its kind of a joke thing for my Rp's this Cup, so ICly, ignore his ignorace :) )

[Advertisement on TV]

Geek is loading up Virtual Strumpet in his computer. He selects "Dazza Dallas" on the menu and it loads up an image of 3D Dazza Dallas in a bikini. He clicks on "Turn on AI" button and the virtual Dazza starts talking

Dazza: Hello baby! Long time so see. Hey, I see you have a new processor. 32 cores? Want me to download a patch, to make me run faster - I know you want to! Come on!

<A pop-up on the screen appears with a Yes or No prompt, Geek clicks Yes>

Dazza: Good choice, it's downloading now. Want me dance around while you wait? Won't take long.

<Dazza dances around in bikini>

Dazza: Yay, let install your update!

<Virtual Strumpet reboots with funny binary in the screen>

Dazza: I'm back! See, I'm going faster now. Hey watch this!

<The virtual Dazza walks out of the screen and appears in his room and sits on his lap>

Dazza: Is this better?
Geek: Yeah! You're real?
Dazza: Not really but you don't mind do ya!

<Geek's brother opens the door>
Brother: Who's the girl on your lap?
Geek: Dazza Dallas, why?
Brother: Dazza Dallas! (faints)

<Cuts on text>

Intel processors and Virtual Strumpet
A Geek's best friend!

<Cuts to Dazza in bikini>

Dazza: Hello, buy a new 32-core Intel computer from J-Tech now and you'll get Virtual Strumpet free. See me in your computer in real time! Only from J-Tech!

In a shocking turn of events Kristovenian midfielder Lucius Cornelius Sulla has been caught in the middle of some serious allegations. With World Cup 36 just around the corner the football community cannot believe this is happening now. The Frumentarii have named Sulla as the suspect in a recent drug raid in Kristovenia's Capital of Augusta. General Marcus Severus of the Frumentarii spoke at a press conference earlier today.

“We had received an anonymous tip that Mr. Sulla had been involved in a serious domestic disturbance late yesterday. When our men arrived on the scene we found no one in the house but we did find a number of illegal items”

Gen. Severus would not elaborate on what charges are pending on the football star but sources close to the organization told us that the charges include possession of marijuana, and cocaine, as well a number of weapons charges.
Sulla’s career had been the subject of many scandals over his four years with the national team. Only a few months into his tenure with the club he was red carded off the field for screaming profanities at the official even going so far as to threaten his family. This incident took place after he was fouled by an opposing player and the official did not call the play. Meanwhile in only his second game after his four game suspension he was again caught in another scandal after throwing several punches at the opposing coach after he had been taunted for nearly the entire first half. Luckily he only received a red card and a one game suspension for that event.
Many fans have begun to forgive him over the last few years where his worst offence has been the odd yellow card for unsportsmanlike conduct. There are still those out there however, that believe he is a black mark on the Kristovenian nation and should be banished from society. An update will be given on this situation as it becomes public.
**Kristovenia National Press**

Two friendlies at home have yielded promising results - with one draw and one win. The match against Estresse Intenso was apparently even all of the way through, as both teams missed several opportunities to capitalize. Many shots were blown out, while Kim Yongdae was perhaps the only shining star for the Han side, coming out with an impressive 5 saves. With Yi Sabik racking a yellow card for the match, the score remained nil for both sides.

The match against Bercktesgaden was more lively and saw the visitors take an impressive first strike in the 17th minute. After being exhausted in as many games, Kim Yongdae took a rest in the second half, yielding to Kim Ho, who ended the match with 3 impressive saves. With another substitution for Yi Dongguk (replacing Kim Daeeui), the Han side struck hard, with Yi Dongguk taking the first goal in the 79th minute. With scores even, Seo Jeongweon made his first international goal in as many games, coming off a rather poor cross. Recovering the ball from the goalkeeper's fist, he returned the volley, making the score 2-1 in the 85th minute. The game kept moving until the final whistle, and an ecstatic Han team welcomed the crowd's roaring cheers.

Yi Dongguk, man of the match for the Bercktesgaden match, remarked in comments after the game: "It was nice to see a wall of red, cheering us. Even before we started scoring goals, the seats were filled with red and I don't think we could have disappointed our fans with such admirable support. I can only hope that we'll carry that support to the World Cup."

This news is brought to you by MBC International - Bringing the World Together Again! (세계를 함께 가져오기 다시!)

ooc: Qazox - I know that the Professor's comments were a joke; I decided only to return the favor. I suppose that tenured professors in Qazox are entitled to view history as an opinion?

Breaking News - The Nation of The Sons of a Monkey qualify for World Cup.

It has been confirmed today that The Sons of a Monkey have qualified for this years World Cup. After the expulsion and subsequent non-existence of another qualified country, the excellently skilled members of The Monkey are looking forward to their inaugural foray into this world renowned tournament.

Monkeys player Aqueebmahteef Inajarbsidedabed said yesterday that the team is very excited to be involved and look forward to their first game.

New Qazian Press

Not the best of starts for the Pheonix as they lose a tough match in Jeruselem to Sel Appa 1-0. The lone goal was scored in the 52nd minute by Sel Appa's Alex Nart.

Despite the loss to a slightly better team, Qazox is 1-0-2 in friendies and the QNSF spkesman had this to say:
The QNSF is slightly dismayed at the performances so far this Cup Season. A 3-0-4 record including an 8th place finish at our own tourney, the OXEN CUP, is cause for worry, but as noted by other papers, the team's average age is 23. The Pheonix have just begun the re-birth of Qazoxian Football, and as such growing pains are expected. The team will be ready to qualify for the World Cup when that time comes.

At the game was a contingent, lead by Hank Reginald of the University of Qazox-Las Vitas, protesting the name change of the team, as well as the perceived Capitalist leanings of the World Cup Hosts, Cafundéu and Unified Capitalizt States. They were propmtly escorted out of the stadium.

Jeruselem Government News

Qazian protestors fail to dampen Turtle vs Pheonix game

Today in Jeruselem, Qazox returned to play the Turtles from Sel Appa. The Qazox Pheonix (not Phoenix), lost to the Turtles 0-1 in hard but good game. The mostly Jeruselem crowd was well behaved compared some protestors from Qazox lead by Hank Reginald of the University of Qazox-Las Vitas.

Sel Appa's Alex Nart scored the only goal of the game, to inflict another loss to Qazox in the Jerusalem United Stadium or Dazza Dallas Stadium in World Cup 36 friendlies. This time Qazox did look good but the Turtles were too good.

As usual, The Village Bike socialised with the foreign players although they sometimes got mixed up who was Kate and Dazza Dallas as both are about the same height. After causing a small issue, the Qazian protesters were taken away to safe house before being evicted from the country as they had violated their Visa conditions.

Dazza Dallas later said "Good game to watch. I think the Pheonix will qualify for this cup as well as the Turtles. Mind you someone stole my undies when I was wearing them when talking to the foreign players. I think it was one of the Turtles, but it's a nice souvenir for whoever did it - and the experience too."

In a follow up to the Sulla scandal the Frumentarii have confirmed the charges against the star midfielder. General Severus released a statement an hour ago which said that there have been some odd bits of information and evidence that have been collected over that last 24 hours that are making this investigation very difficult. He said that he could no go into detail about anything specific but he would update the public tomorrow.
This scandal has been very difficult for Sulla who has been released from custody pending the end of the investigation. In a press conference today Sulla stated:

“First and foremost I would like to apologize to my family and friends for all of this. I do not know exactly what is going on but I intend to find out. I am completely innocent. I do not know where those drugs and weapons came from. I would also like to apologize to my fans. I know that this is not what you wanted to be talking about leading up to the World Cup, but I promise that if I am allowed to participate I will give you the performance of a lifetime”

Critics of the football star are not so optimistic. In a poll done by Kristovenia National Press yesterday, 87% of those polled believe that Sulla is guilty and that he is only putting off the inevitable by pleading his innocence. However there is still a large fanbase that are standing by him. They have organized a protest in front of the Frumentarii headquarters in Augusta for tomorrow. They say that if necessary, violence will be used.
**Kristovenia National Press**

THE MONASTIC TIMES

FRIENDLY ABANDONED
"Flames of Hell" Engulf Errinunderan Ground

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

Details are finally emerging from Ordinary Reality of why the Errinundera - Archregimancy friendly was called off this past week some 60 minutes into the match. Reports filtering through from the Archregimancy squad - said to currently be safe and well in a New Montreal States monastery - state that the referee was forced to abandon the match following a riot between dedicated Errinunderan conservationists and local Deddiquois football fans at the inaugural match at the highly controversial Stade de siaros.

A senior archimandrite, speaking on condition of anonymity, has been quoted as saying "'twas as if the very flames of Hell had engulfed the area behind our goal in the second half", though reports from Errinundera state that the fire was brought under control shortly after the respective teams had been ushered to safety. Both squads are said to have emerged unscathed, despite the Archregimancy's anonymous goalkeeper - believed to have strong Errinunderan connections - having to complain to the referee about the projectiles thrown in his direction during the pre-match warm up.

Events overshadowed what had been, to that point, a highly entertaining match, with the lead switching hands following an early Archregimancy goal from the visitors number 11, a first half brace from exciting young home forward breretond, and a second half brace from the monastic number 9. Fans not caught up in riot were said to have been deeply disappointed by the match's abandonment, but concede that the referee had no choice.

Archregimancy officials are refusing to be drawn on whether the events at the ground were God's judgement upon the pagan home supporters, though - off the record - the Archregimancy's goalkeeper is said to have stated "the judgments of the Lord are true and righteous altogether."

Deddiquois officials are said to have vowed to restore the Stade de siaros in time for the World Cup qualifiers, despite continuing protests from conservationists. But frankly, this isn't our problem.

http://img46.imageshack.us/img46/7234/lbgnewsgv0.png

Jeruselem defeats BL 3-0

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/44000000/jpg/_44000634_heinze203.jpg

The Jeruselem national football team won an exhibition match in Xylander Stadium against the Londinian team by a margin of three points.

British Londinium received the kickoff, attempting to work the ball towards the Jeruselem goal, only to have their efforts continually rebuffed.

Forty minutes into the first half, Jeruselem scored their first goal, whilst the goalkeeper was distracted by a giant robotic Oprah who was rampaging within the stands. Nine were injured, and three were eaten alive by the robot, which some described as "a giant chocolote bulldozer - you know, like the real one."

Fifteen minutes into the second half, another goal was scored by Jeruselem.

The final goal was scored with only one minute left. The Londinian team has commented on the match, merely stating that "we were lucky to have managed to hold them off for as long as we did, considering their ranking."


Story from LBG NEWS:
http://news.lbg.co.rsp/go/pr/fr/-/2/hi/sport/2677291.stm

Published:03:53:02 LST

© LBG MMXII

Jeruselem Government News

Dazza stops rampaging robot

A visit to British Londinium at the Xylander Stadium provided a bit too eventful. The friendly won by Jeruselem 3-0 in a lopsided game as disrupted giant robotic Oprah crashing around the stands eating people. It managed eat three locals and injure 9 before Dazza Dallas stopped the chaos by putting a large EMP disruptor (aka a modified mobile phone) in a football and kicking it into the mouth of the rampaging brown robot.

The phone did trick sending pulses of energy overloading the robots control systems, blowing up it's control boards. In the process the phone blew up as well, wrecking it totally.

[Parriff] Our top sports story tonight. There was concern for Bostopian football fans as news broke that Jeruselem manager Dazza Dallas was involved in an incident involving a rampaging robot.

The earliest news heard was that 9 people were injured, and Ms.Dallas herself was involved in the carnage in one form or another. Imperial Mail spokesman Paula Clarke told us that the amount of people coming to the central sorting office in Fort Boston to drop off post themselves addressed to Ms.Dallas, presumably get well cards was a phenomenal amount, more than the “Dazza Dallas” box usually takes.

However, when news broke that Ms.Dallas was not injured, and had placed a phone into the robots mouth herself from close range before running for cover, football fans across the country breathed a sigh of relief. This prompted a huge upsurge in media sales of Dazza posters, and other items, such as the "Virtual Strumpet." There is some talk of football stores in Bostopia stocking a large amount of Jeruselem football kits and merchandise, while specialist shops catering to both the Jeruselem National and Domestic leagues are likely to spring up across the country, thanks to the Government's support for small businesses, and the popularity of the Jeruselem team in Bostopia at the moment.

When it emerged thought that the phone had been destroyed, forums across internet then found themselves home for an outpouring of grief from distraught phone-lovers across Bostopia.

And in other news, the kit which Bostopia played Bettia in during World Cup 33 Qualifying, a game we won 1 – 0 has been located after it had been stolen from Bostopia Stadium. The kit surfaced in Az-cz, prompting a telephone call to the Football Association from the governing body of football in Az-cz. The FA, however, told the Az-czzers to keep the kits as a “gift from the Bostopian people”, as the FA would probably put the kit in a museum otherwise.

Az-cz Announces Prognostication Contest

Watch too much footie? Think you have ESP?

Then show us your knowledge of football or soccer and your ability to predict the future. Az-cz is sponsoring a contest to find the best predictor of world cup results. This contest is open to anyone from any nation. The winner will be given a job in Az-cz as a soccer commentator working alongside people like Lur-Mn and Amda-Mo, and will have free tickets to every Az-cz game during the next two world cups (37 & 38). So give it your best shot.

Details: It will be based on predictions made at three stages and before each matchday. At the start of the cup after the group draw, after the draw for the proper, and after the group stage of the proper we will have general predictions. 3 points will be given for each qualifier correctly predicted, and 3 points will be given for each team predicted in the same spot they finish in. Qualifying teams in their exact qualification spot earn an extra four points. We also request that you pick the champion runner, up and semifinalists. Each correctly predicted semifinalist is worth 20 points, finalsts worth 30 and correctly picking the champion worth 50 points. The same points will be used for the group stage of the world cup. The knockout stages will be five points for each correctly predicted advancement, with an extra 10 points for picking a correct finalist and 20 points for a correct champion. Each match correctly predicted is worth two points, with all Az-cz matches counting double.

Each person must submit their name and nationality. A person is elligible to submit as many as two entries. Please contact the Az-cz Football Association for more details.

Good Luck

Schiavonia Announces Procrastination Contest

Watch too much footie? Think you have OCD?

Then show us your knowledge of football or soccer and your ability to waste time writing about it. The SFF are sponsoring a contest to find the person who spends most time avoiding the realities of life to write about football instead. This contest is open to anyone from any nation. The winner will be given a job in Schiavonia as a soccer writer at The Schiavone Scribe, working alongside various people called Winston, and will have free tickets to every Schiavonia game during the next two world cups (37 & 38). So give it your best shot.

Disclaimer: While this contest is open to anyone, we do not what to actively discourage people from doing their jobs or their learning. That would be highly irresponsible and un-Schiavone of us. But as that's what this competition entails, then we've got a website, www.nationstates.net, where you can compete against some of the more established international writers.

Each person must submit their name and nationality. A person is eligible to submit as many as two entries. Please contact the Schiavone Football Federation for more details.

Good Luck

Jeruselem Announces Procreation Contest

Don't have enough kids? Think you want to be the next Dazza Dallas?

In the true Jeruselem tradition of "sit at home" Mums, you think you can win this? All you have to do is prove how many kids you have and say what kind of "bike" you are. The more kids the better, and if you've a bigger bike than Dazza Dallas then you have better chance. Tell us how many kids you have, their names and their birthdays as well as copies of their birth certificates. No borrowing your sister's kids or the neighbour's kids - they have to be yours. Yes, kids fathered by relatives can also count for those types of communities.

So what you win? The world's longest SUV! Carries up to 30 people (it's almost a school bus), and is suitable for mothers who have too many kids. No it's not a sports car and can't go fast, but it's for those family trips with all the kids. It's got airconditioning too if people are wondering. The winner will be personally presented with their prize by the Bike herself and the assistant Bike (Kate Dallas).

Each person must submit their name and nationality. A person is eligible to submit as many as err ONE entry. Please contact the Jeruselem Motherhood Association for more details.

OOC - Sorry couldn't help it ... copycat-ism is fun

Reactions continue to come in surrounding the Sulla scandal. As the investigation continues the public are becoming confused by the unexpected silence from the Frumentarii. After telling the press that they will be updated daily, three days have passed with no word from General Severus. One woman on the street tells us:

“They must be working very hard to gather evidence to convict that monster. Personally I can’t wait to finally see one of these celebrities taken down like the criminals they are”

A passerby Gaius Fabius said:

“That no good f*%&!# is finally going to get what he deserves! All of that f#!$&*# swearing on TV is unacceptable. OFF WITH HIS HEAD!!!!”

It seems quite clear that the people firmly believe that Sulla will be charged and convicted soon and will not be able to participate in the upcoming World Cup. With Sulla still claiming his innocence, the Frumentarii saying nothing, and the people ready to burn him at the stake, only time will tell how this series of strange but unfortunate events will turn out.
**Kristovenia National Press**

Obscure Nation Announces Proclivity Contest

Are you really going to read another contest? Who has time for this stuff?

Reading the hype of the past three or four declarations from rather populous (if not popular) countries, some obscure nation has declared its intention to host some proclivity contest. What exactly they're testing is not certain and even the editors of the contest failed to describe precisely the reason for creating this contest. However, they were keen to say that other countries were doing so they should too.

The Grand Finale Prize is the right to rule this obscure country for thirty days, while the Second Place Prize is the right to coup against the Grand Prize Winner. This contest has absolutely no affiliation with football or soccer, but just because they felt it was the right and proper place, they asked us to declare this information for them. Winners will be greeted with an official roasting in the Grand Hall of this obscure country. Applicants need only apply by sending $1 million to this obscure country, and may apply as many times as they desire. Please do not make copies of application, as this obscure nation will have sufficient record of any and all transactions/applications.

The bearers of this message are not liable for any fraudulent charges to your credit card or checking account; please consider the risks and benefits of abstinence before assuming any sexually active lifestyle. If you experience chest pains, excessive vaginal dilations, unusual gastrointestinal sounds, or lightness of the head, please contact your local politician to demand the repeal of Resolution #666. If you do not receive any notice from the contest editors within your lifetime, you've probably been scammed.

(ooc: geez, three contests in one day?)

Reactions continue to come in surrounding the Sulla scandal. As the investigation continues the public are becoming confused by the unexpected silence from the Frumentarii. After telling the press that they will be updated daily, three days have passed with no word from General Severus. One woman on the street tells us:

“They must be working very hard to gather evidence to convict that monster. Personally I can’t wait to finally see one of these celebrities taken down like the criminals they are”

A passerby Gaius Fabius said:

“That no good f*%&!# is finally going to get what he deserves! All of that f#!$&*# swearing on TV is unacceptable. OFF WITH HIS HEAD!!!!”

It seems quite clear that the people firmly believe that Sulla will be charged and convicted soon and will not be able to participate in the upcoming World Cup. With Sulla still claiming his innocence, the Frumentarii saying nothing, and the people ready to burn him at the stake, only time will tell how this series of strange but unfortunate events will turn out.
**Kristovenia National Press**

SIC to Kristovenian Investigation:

Imperial Inquiries into our own controlled substances program turned up the name of your football player while our analysts reviewed information from a recent bust. We believe that your player has been operating under his present occupation (football player) to transport illicit and controlled substances around the world for various criminal organizations. We have little other intelligence to provide, but if we can assist in any other way, we will gladly offer our help to bring an end to this drug ring in our countries.

Schiavonia Announces Procrastination Contest


Dear Schiavone Authorities,

We'd love to enter your procrastination contest. However, we're not sure when we might be able to get around to submitting our entry form, and have therefore decided to put it off for a week or two.

Sincerely Yours,

Basil & Theo

QAZOX ANNOUNCES RE-CREATION CONTEST
Tired of seeing copycats do the same dang thing 4 other countries have done, but change just enough so they don't get sued?

The New Qazian Press announces a contest for any person or persons interested in re-creating famous football matches from 40 years of Qazox football. The matches to be re-created are as follows:

1- Qazox' first ever international match and win against Atheistic Right at the BoF before World Cup 27. (1-0)

2- Qazox' first ever World Cup Qualifing match win vs. Dorian and Sonya. (2-0)

3- Qazox' infamous 1-3 loss to Bostopia during World Cup 29 qualifing.

4- The UPSET of the MILLENIUM, Qazox 2-1 win over Starblaydia during World Cup 31 qualifing.

5- Qazox' 1-0 over Nikea, which clinched Qazox' first ever World Cup berth.

6- Qazox' 2-2 draw with New Montreal States at World Cup 31, earning its first ever point at the World Cup.

7- Qazox' 3-2 win over Wentland at World Cup 33, its first win at the World Cup.

The 3 best re-created videos from each match will be chosen by a panel of Famous Qazoxian Athletes and the final 21 videos will be shown at the final qualifing home match before the opening kickoff. Each video cannot be longer than 5 minutes, but must be longer than 1 minute. Videos can be live-action, CGI, cartoon, video-game or other media.

Send your videos to:
New Qazian Press
156 Grav Avenue
Lake Porter, Qazox 109-6325
c/o: Re-created Videos

or to www.NQP.qzx/sports/re-create

Entry deadline is Matchday 5 of the World Cup Qualifers.

New Qazian Press

40 YEARS OF QAZOXIAN FOOTBALL...WHERE ARE THEY NOW?

(Please note that in Qazox it is now 1927, the BoF would have taken place in 1887, and WC 27 qualifing took place in 1889, and WC 27 in 1893.. that means WC36 Qualifers will take place in 1927, WC 36 in 1929.. Yes, somehow the qualifers for 27 and 28 are 6 years off.. just deal with it, we had some calendar issues then.)

Qazox' first international competition was the Baptism of Fire before World Cup 27. Here is the Roster of that squad with age at the time of the BoF, who also went on to World Cup 27.

POSTION
NAME (age)

STARTERS
GOALKEEPER
John Frorr (22)

DEFENSE
Folia Hazes (35)
Kiel Venice (19)
Hadeen Homer (25)
Masse Jower (31)

MIDFIELD
Andrew Mason (22)
Anthony Mason(22)
Shaun Brady(27)
Dylan Greene(23)

WINGERS
Francis Alouette(19)
Manuel Aguirre (21)

The Reserves as voted on by the QFL are as follows: position is parentheses

Hiram Joachim( GK) Age35
Jim 'the Real' McCoy (Def) Age 21
Q'Bert Kong (Def) Age 19
Lance Golden (Def) Age 32
Qa-Tram Reaz (Mid)Age 20
Andres Larivitch (Mid) Age 26
Balrog Vega (Mid) Age 22
Aero Smith (Wing) Age 21
Maria Gretzky (Wing) Age 21
Marie Goya (Wing) Age 17

So where are they now?

John Frorr: Onwer of Frorr's Tacos in Las Vitas, Age 62
Folia Hazes: Deceased, Died in 1920 at age 68 of heart attack.
Kiel Venice: Co-owner of FC Fromburg, Age 59
Hadeen Homer: Deceased, died in 1915 during 2nd Qazoxian Civil War at age 43.
Masse Jower: In Prison for Tax-evasion, 5 years left on 20 year sentence, Age 71
Andrew Mason: Co-Owner of Mason's Exporting, Age 62
Anthony Mason: Co-Owner of Mason's Exporting, Age 62
Shaun Brady: Died of drug overdose in 1905 at age of 45.
Dylan Greene: Lives in Sativaville, married Maria Gretzky in 1901, age: 63.
Francis Alouette: Head Coach Deportivo Iguana, Age: 59
Manuel Aguirre: Found dead of appearent suicide in 1905 at age of 39.
----
Hiram Joachim: Former owner of Gothika, Age: 75
Jim 'the Real' McCoy: Lives in Jeruselem, Age: 61
Q'Bert Kong: Whereabouts unknown, Last seen in Bedistan in 1907, Age: 59?
Lance Golden: Retired VP of Marketing, Ganja-Vodka, Age: 72
Qa-Tram Reaz: Lives in San Francisco w/ life partner, Balrog Vega, Age: 60
Andres Larivitch: Died in auto accident in 1907 at Age 46
Balrog Vega: Lives in San Francisco w/ life partner, Qa-Tram Reaz, Age: 62
Aero Smith: Founder and CEO of AeroAirlines, Age 61
Maria Gretzky: Lives with husband, Dylan Greene, in Sativaville, Age: 61.
Marie Goya: Moved to Tynelia with Husband and owns a Pharmacy, Age: 57

Over the course of qualifing, we'll revisit every WC qualifing team and update you on their current whereabouts. We may even have a few interviews as well.

News items from the First Creek Falls (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/First_Creek_Falls) Age.

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FOOTBALL ASSOCIATION WARY ABOUT UPSETTING HOSTS

At a news converence today the convenor of the Errinundrian Football Association, imonedebouvoi, responded to a request from Az-cz to “to lead the way in this movement to help make sure that this cup is positive for all”. Possibly the most outspoken person in a nation of motormouths, she was oddly reticent about criticising the World Cup hosts. “We agree with the gnomes that the World Cup is about comradeship and harmony and, I would add, utterly humiliating our opponents on the football field. It should not be about individual self-aggrandisement or profit. But I would point out to Az-cz that, despite being insufferable wankers and economic idolaters, Commerce Heights have a splendid record when it comes to civil and political rights. Even better than exists in Az-cz, I might add.”

imonedebouvoi was even more guarded when asked about Cafundeu. “I suppose their human rights record might be questioned by some but they were very kind to the Potoroos when they visited them for a friendly. And their football reports are the second most popular among Errinundrians after Western Afghanistan’s.”

When the Convenor’s comments were put to ottoarbu, the Protector of the Common Wealth, he replied that those who place value on wealth were “profoundly shallow” and that he suspected that imonedebouvoi might be as well. Further comments could not be obtained as the Protector had an appointment at the hairdressers.

IMPERIAL HAN FOOTBALL TEAM GOES TO PUGGAREE

For reasons not clear to anybody, the Errinundera Football Association invited the Daehanjeiguk national team to play a friendly at Puggaree Park. The Potoroos are ranked #12 in the world while the Imperialists are entering their first cup qualifying campaign. Nevertheless, local star and deputy vice-captain, haimaidu, was impressed with the rookie team. “Sure we beat them 4-1 but, really, given our relative rankings we should have won 6-nil. They played really well. They have players they can build a team around in years to come. Kim Byeongji and Yi Sabik especially show a lot of promise. The team needs to persevere – there will be many obstacles to overcome as they rise up the rankings.”

Despite its status as an EFA minnow, Puggaree was chosen as the host city. Kim Byeongji was surprised at what he found there. “We had been told that Errinundera is not very religious. We were afraid we might be laughed at. But we stayed at a beautiful Zen temple and monastery. The forest is also very beautiful. It was very enriching for the soul. Perhaps that is why I was able to kick that goal.”

Young breretond, nicknamed “the kid” because he behaves like a goat, kicked two goals but his international debut was marred by a questionable incident when he collided with and knocked out young Han defender Yi Sabik. Although a free kick was awarded at the time, television replays indicate that the action possibly warranted a yellow card or even a red.

BROTHER DAVID IN THE WOODS

The friendly football match between the Potoroos and the Archregimancy at the Stade de siaros in Deddick was enlivened by satirical behaviour from the crowd prior to the first whistle. Out of deference to the priests’ modesty the ever-friendly Errinundrians were fully attired for the game. (Being winter this was probably on the cards anyway.) Instead, the locals expressed their disdain for the supposedly anonymous keeper by pelting him with sex aids as he arrived in the goal mouth.

“It was quite funny really," says groundsperson agapu who organised the clean up. "You wouldn't believe what was being tossed. Brother David was extremely embarrassed by it all. The other monks seemed not to know what the objects were.”

The match was called off in the second half after the usual pitched battles between Goolengook ferals and Deddiquois football fanatics.

ERRINUNDERA ANNOUNCES PROPHYLACTIC CONTEST
ENTER AS OFTEN AS YOU LIKE. MORE DETAILS AS THEY COME TO HAND.

The schedule has been added to the first post (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12861289&postcount=1).

CAFUNDÉU ANNOUNCES REF-AGGRESSSION CONTEST
Do you think that the referee always makes bad calls? That he is paid to help your opponents?

Do you want to show him your anger? To punch his face?

Then participate in Cafundéu's unique contest of aggression against referees! The APA (Associação dos Prejudicados por Árbitros - in English, the Association of the Prejudiced by Referees) is sponsoring this competition to see who is best in invading fields and in fighting against black-belt referees from all around the World! This contest is open to anyone of any nation. The winner will be given a job in the APA as a floor cleaner and will work alongside Cafundéu's boxing champion Mário Guila, as his official alive punchbag! And will win free tickets to the Bowl Championships of the next five years! What are you waiting for?

Details: During this World Cup qualifiers, invade the field in one game (must be a WC qualifiers game), dribble the security, shout something against the referee and attack him. It must be a good hit, otherwise this won't count as an agression. After hitting the referee, you must pose to the cameras and show your identification number to them, so we can identify you. After that, avoid the security guards and go to another place to attack another ref! In our official site, you'll see the list of referees that will whistle in the qualifiers, and the value in points of an aggression against them (some of them are karate fighters, others are specialist in taekwondo, and others carry a gun with them, so be cautious). Invasion on stadiums of socialist countries are worth twice of the points. Invading the field naked is worth twice of the points too. In World Cup games, the points are doubled too. If you invade the World Cup final game to punch the referee, you'll win five times the amount of points.

Each person must submit their name and nationality. A person is elligible to submit as many as two entries. Please contact the APA for more details.

Good Luck

Football League of Grotewohl places third in Baptism of Fire
By Diawsam
Grotewohl Associated Press

In the third place qualifying match, FLoG was placed against Kura-Pelland in a decisive battle. The end score was 2-3 in favor of the Football League of Grotewohl (FLoG). For this game, the roster went back to the original players that won the first two rounds, after suffering defeat with different players against Endmile.

The first goal of the game came quickly as Kura-Pelland's strikers pushed into the FLoG's territory and passed around Rad'pole to take a shot on goal. Goobam managed to punch the ball out of bounds. On the corner, an unexpected header from a Kura-Pelland forward put the ball into the net. Determined to not let a goal happen again, Rad'pole stepped up his play and throughout the rest of the game allowed no plays to go past him.

Minutes before the first half ended, a slide tackle given by Ztat warranted a yellow card and a free kick dangerously close to the goal. I don't think FLoG had practiced much against this sort of thing as Kura-Pelland's forwards made short work of FLoG's defenses and scored their second goal.

After the break in action, Wen and his team came out with a strong determination to not end the BoF this way. For the first time in all the matches I've seen, the midfield of FLoG played a good defensive game allowing no setups to get past them. Not only that, but when they got control of the ball, they effectively passed the ball to the offense. If the midfield had not stepped up its game, it is very likely that the BoF would have ended with Grotewohl in 4th place.

The first goal by Grotewohl came 15 minutes into the second half. Once again Auq and Qak moved the ball down the field together. Auq took his shot, which the goalkeeper blocked, but was unable to control the ball. Qak, the opportunist that he is, was waiting right there and tapped the ball in.

The next goal happened as a pass from G.P. found its way to Sun. Sun in an impressive show of skill managed to find his way past two defenders to take a shot on goal. This shot was deflected by the keeper, but had the momentum to carry it into the goal.

The last FLoG goal happened in extra time. A shot by Auq had been punched out of bounds, setting up a corner kick. Ash sent the ball high over to the opposite side. Auq then quickly sent the ball back over the heads of most players, where Qak was awaiting a header into the net. The Kura-Pelland keeper was caught off guard and had no chance. A minute later the game was over.

I got a chance to talk to Wen after the game. He informed me that while they did not take the first place cup home, he was pleased with his team’s performance and that it will most likely be the same team appearing in World Cup 36. They then left to go back home for more training.

I have been informed that the Grotewohl Government will be releasing the roster for World Cup 36 in the next couple of days. I personally can not wait for the action, even though it appears that home games will not actually happen in Grotewohl. Work has started on a Football stadium, but will not be completed in time for this World Cup.

May the Football League of Grotewohl continue in the favor of the gods.

Diawsam the Seer

OLIVERRY ANNOUNCES PROGRESSIVISM CONTEST

Tired of your nation being the one laughed at in your region because of your stance on gay marriages?

Also tired of other nations' imperialist ideals when it comes to control the world *stares at Allanea invading Rejistania*

Well, this contest is for you. If your nation has legalized marijuana, gay marriages, or simply va'takil'ny, well, we urge you to enter this contest. During the cup, a bunch of Oliverrian officials (known as Fucking French Communist Scums in Bostopia) will visit the different nations entering this contest. They will check how liberal is your nation when it comes to social freedom, how inverventionist your government is when it comes to the economy and how offensive is your football playing. We will also check if your citizens find offensive the fact that our officials show them some nude pictures of Dazza Dallas in the streets in the afternoon. Or we could just decide to make a show inspired by "The Price is Right" to determine who wins.

So, what do you win? Well, there are three things you can choose from: 1) a va'takil, given to us by the Fmjphoenicians that invented va'takil'ny themselves. 2) a Red Star or a rose, depending if you're a Democratic Socialist or one of these idiots who tend to like Tony Blair's Third Way... Bunch of idiots. 3) A golden Hammer and a golden Sickle. These will help you "hammer" your opponents and the sickle will serve to knife the dissidents in your nation (after all, if you get that prize, you're a feckin' Commie).

Each Head of State must submit their name and their nationality. If you're found to be a Conservative, we're going to brainwash you and make you watch all of Michael Moore's movies. Be warned!

Good Luck

Vephrall Announces Contest Contest

Have an idea for a competition? Looking for someone to make it a reality?

Then send us your ideas for a wacky competition that you think people in Vephrall, or any other nation, just might be interested in. Vephraller Televisios and the Meice Journal are sponsoring a contest to find the person who has the creative juices to produce a great competition that will be remembered throughout the ages. The winner will be given a 500,000-len (about US$200,000) contract from Vephraller Televisios to produce a television production of his or her contest idea, as well as a free two-year subscription to the Meice Journal (a 250-len value). So give it your best shot.

Employees and family members of Vephraller Televisios or the Meice Journal are ineligible. Must be 16 years or older. No purchase necessary. Vephraller Televisios is not required to air the resulting television production. If said production is aired, Vephraller Televisios reserves the right to cancel broadcast for any reason. Meice Journal subscription is good for two years of either the English or Vephra language version, or one year of both versions, delivered daily.

Each person must submit their name and nationality. A person is eligible to submit exactly one entry. Please contact Vephraller Televisios or the Meice Journal for more details.

Good Luck

Interior. A worker is seated at his desk reading a newspaper. One of his co-workers approaches from the side.

GAICASS: Hey, San, whatcha reading?

SANANI: Oh, I'm doing my daily run through all the major AO newspapers. I'm on the Schiavone Scribe now. Hey, look at this.

GAICASS: What?

SANANI: Says here the Scribe's doing some kind of procrastination contest.

GAICASS: Hey, you'd be ace at that.

SANANI: Damn right I would, it's 2:30 in the afternoon and I haven't even gone to get my morning coffee yet, let alone done any actual work.

GAICASS: You should enter.

SANANI: Yeah, I should. Maybe I'll do that after I finish reading these papers.

GAICASS: How many you have left to go?

SANANI: A bunch. Hell, this is yesterday's paper. I probably won't even get to today's until Friday.

GAICASS: Sounds good.

To whom in may concern (in Oliverry):

On behalf of my nation, I would like to enter your "progressivism contest". Zwangzug prides itself on our political freedoms (which, at the time of this correspondence, are classified as "World Benchmark") and our socialist economic policies. Homosexual marriages are fully legalized, and such couples have exactly the same rights as their heterosexual counterparts.

We realize that some of our statutes do not correspond with the ideals of this contest. Marijuana,*like most other drugs, is illegal, and nudity is frowned upon: our civil rights are merely "good". Nevertheless, we would like to show our support for many of the ideals expressed.

Sincerely,

Composite Minister Ember Nickel
*but this is my four-hundred-twentieth post

Kristovenia football rejoices!!!! In another shocking turn of events Lucius Cornelius Sulla has been cleared of all charges today. General Severus of the Frumentarii said in a press conference just minutes ago:

“It is with great pleasure that I am announcing that all charges against Lucius Cornelius Sulla have been dropped. After an extensive investigation we have determined that Mr. Sulla was framed by Quintus Rufus, who we now have in our custody. It is believed that Mr. Rufus had been plotting this for some time and that his grudge against Mr. Sulla may have stemmed from his replacement by Mr. Sulla on the National football team four years ago.”

Fans from all over Kristovenia are elated that their team will not play without Sulla. We caught up with Mr. Gaius Fabius once again to get his reaction:

“F*!$ off! I don’t got nothing to say to you!”

Sulla has called a press conference for later today to speak to his fans before he leaves for the World Cup.

Joining you live from Marcus Ocativius Memorial Field*

Sulla walks up to the microphone and clears his throat

“Thank you all for coming today. Once again I would like to apologize to my family, friends and fans for having to go through all of this. It has been a terrible ordeal and I am glad that it is over. I would like to thank General Severus for capturing Quintus and from preventing this from going any farther. For those of you who supported me through these times I will dedicate my play at World Cup 36 to you! To those of you who were asking for my head….F#%& YOU!”

He gives the finger and then waves and smiles to his fans as he leaves the stadium to thunderous applause

**Kristovenia National Press**

SIC to Kristovenian Investigation:

Imperial Inquiries into our own controlled substances program turned up the name of your football player while our analysts reviewed information from a recent bust. We believe that your player has been operating under his present occupation (football player) to transport illicit and controlled substances around the world for various criminal organizations. We have little other intelligence to provide, but if we can assist in any other way, we will gladly offer our help to bring an end to this drug ring in our countries.

General Severus released another announcement today recarding the recent events:

"We would like to thank the Ambassador from Daehanjeiguk for his co-operation in our investigation. The information they have given us has been extremely helpful to us in our efforts to build a stronger case against Quintus Rufus. Apparently he has been working under an alias these past few years, albeit a poor one. We originally did not realize the full extent of his operation although we did have some suspicions. We hope that the government of Daehanjeiguk will continute to work with us to take down this global drug ring."

Jeruselem Government News

Dazza does Ad'ihan!

The nice people from Ad'ihan came to Jeruselem to play a friendly, in the Dazza Dallas Stadium against a team coached by Dazza Dallas. With the great gap in rank, the result was rather expected. Jeruselem scored six goals ran over the top of Ad'ihan who scored a late goal to make the look better at 6-1 but it was Dazza's day in the end.

This ends the friendlies for Dazza's WC36 team with three wins a draw and this win was special. Last cup, the team had trouble scoring six goals in match but today - with a few Dallas girls they did it. The new Bike - Kate Dallas proved the difference running amok in full game showing she's got all her skills from her Mum, and her Dad too (whoever Kate's Dad is).

On another note, Dazza Dallas is the benchmark for female perfection it seems. The Bike is being used in Frenchie nations as the perfect woman to sort out the Gays from the men. At over 40, and looking only aged 30 she's still the hottest thing in Frenchie nations for nudity and the example of a female body. With Kate Dallas growing up, the new Bike is looking even better. Imagine Dazza and Kate Dallas coming around for dinner, the wife would get jealous. Ariddian girls are hot property in Jeruselem these days with the Dallas girls showing the way.

It has revealed by pro-conversative lobbyists, the current Jeruselem FA Chief of Staff Ray Mosha obtained "illicit" favours from Dazza Dallas when she was attempting to become a Jerusalem United player when she was just a cheerleader when he was coach at the time - about 30 years ago. Ray Mosha would not speak to us about the matter but he asked us to ask Dazza who was brutally honest "Well, it happened but who cares. I'm a slut then and I am now, so what's new? You know what cheerleaders are like."

News items from the First Creek Falls (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/First_Creek_Falls) Age.

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/Agemasthead.gif


ERRINUNDERA ANNOUNCES PROPHYLACTIC CONTEST
ENTER AS OFTEN AS YOU LIKE. MORE DETAILS AS THEY COME TO HAND.

We have decided to withdraw at the last moment.

City Sun Sports: International Football

The Lowland Clans Galaxy began their pre-qualifying training this last week, playing Tournament stragglers Vephrall at Burrard Bridge, and travelling to Ad'ihan yesterday. While no official squad was announced, Andrew Creek, the team's Bazalonian manager has stated that the FFLC will be releasing the national pool, from which the qualifying squads will be be selected, and announced the day prior to the qualifying match. The players will be taken from the various schools and football academies, highlighting the FFLCs renewed focus on the youth development system. The FFLC has also begun inquiring with the boards of various universities about setting up a university level leagues and competitions.

The friendlies themselves were rather uneventful, aside from the seemingly magnetic attraction of the balls in Ad'ihan to the posts of their goals, with nineteen of the twenty-four shots the Galaxy took ramming some part of the woodwork. Several players stood out, and will most likely get starts in the real pre-qualifying test against Demot.

In other news, the FFLC has announced they are in the process of planning two contests, though details have been released about neither. One is assumed to be a footballing history of the Lowland Clans contest, and the other is subject to rampant speculation, nothing concrete has settled.

The FFLC has been strangely silent on the other major storyline heading into World Cup 36, the issue of corporate sponsorship. When asked about Robber Captain Ug-Mt statement, the City Sun could get no response other than that of the secretary at Westhamfordshire School of Football, Nick Holland: "Well, he sounds like a tosser, doesn't he?"

.. somewhere in the New Qazian Press basement:

John Golee: Damn this contest idea was a bad one alright.

Kevin Stark: Why do you say that?

Golee: Take a look at this one , the UPSET of the MILLENIUM done with sock-puppets and a tin-foil ball.

Stark: You think that one is bad? Take a look at this one from World Cup 33's win over Wentland done with Clay-dough and a gumdrop as the ball.

...3 hours later

Golee: I think we've found a finalist from the Atheistic Right match:

<Shows a video from QA Sports WC1923 edition that has all the player's name correct and the goals scored at the exact same time, by the same people>

Stark: I didn't think that you could e-mail a video game from the Q-Station2, compression issues?

Golee: Somehow this kid... Michael Resson did.. too bad it's 91 minutes long... put that one into the 'maybe' pile.

Stark: OMG.. take a look at this one... Done with Virtual Strumpet2.1.. too bad this can't see the light of day...

(OOC: I previously had a contest idea that I deleted: it didn't abide by the rules, and I think this one is funnier anyhow.)

To whom it may concern:

On behalf of the Symbolic Idealists Emphasizing Vephrall Especially, I would like to submit the following idea to your contest: the Stupid Metaphor Authorship Competitive Kickoff.

Such an event ("Kickoff" is used to demonstrate its connection to football) would seek out the people with the craziest, most idiotic ways to portray football as something more than itself. Whether "revealing" previously unknown (and for good reason!) truths about the human psyche or the cosmos in general, sport has (far too) often been a tool for lunatics to demonstrate their theories. Let's showcase this insanity, hopefully putting a stop to it once and for all.

Sincerely,
Kurt Easton (Zwangzug)

http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/logos/worldcup36/

THE OFFICIAL GROUP DRAW
WORLD CUP 36 QUALIFIERS - CAFUNDÉU AND UNIFIED CAPITALIZT STATES

Presented by Globo Multimedia - Live from the Emperor's Palace, in Cafundó do Juta

Due to heavy rain, the group draw, which was going to happen in the Praça Maior stadium in the capital of Cafundéu, is happening inside the palace of the Emperor, which is located near the stadium. Representatives of each country participating in the World Cup were invited, and took their seats. Lots of cameras and reporters are in the building too, wanting to get the latest news about each country. Banners with logos of famous companies are everywhere, with the names of sponsors of the World Cup. Some of the guests don't like the amount of banners, but they decide to ignore it. After nearly half an hour, the Counselor-Minister of Sports of Cafundéu, Erasmo Carlos Jowenguard, starts the ceremony:

"Welcome to the group draw ceremony of this World Cup qualifiers. Today we'll see the twelve groups that will compose this qualifying stage. After that, the teams will battle inside and outside the field to get a place in the World Cup, and free airplane tickets to Cafundéu or to the Unified Capitalizt States."

"Sorry for the place change. The rain in this city can come everytime. I see that most of you are completely wet. If you want towels, you can buy them from our waitresses. They are very cheap, only five vintéms each. If you want to eat or drink something, we prepared a small restaurant in one of the rooms of the palace. One of the waitresses can help you to find it. Of course you'll have to pay for the food and the drinks, but the prices are very good too. With no more to say, I present you the official presenter of the group draw: Breno Gavião!"

Breno approaches the microphone. He seems nervous, but starts to talk:

"Hello, my frrrrriends! With the orrrrrganization of Globo Multimedia, and sponsorrrrred by C-Electronics, United Petrrrrrol, Bovacaf, Canabrrrrrava Cachaça and many others, I start the Worrrrrld Cup qualifiers drrrrraw!"

A curtain behind Breno is opened, and the guests can see eight enormous globes with very small balls inside it. Near the globes, a cage with a small hamster. The hamster starts running, and the globes start to rotate. The first ball from the first globe is picked by Jowenguard and delivered to Gavião:

"And we'll starrrrrt with the firrrrrst team of grrrrroup one, which is... Schiavonia!"

Jowenguard continues with the process, picking balls from each globe and delivering them to Breno.

"The second team of grrrrroup one is... Rejistania!"

"It is followed by... Swilatia. Well, I think that our supporrrrrters have bad memories about them."

"The fourrrrrth team is... Estrrrrresse Intenso! Hope that these crazy rrrrrepublicans lose all their games. They wouldn't be well rrrrrecepted in Cafundéu if they qualify."

"Fifth ball is... The Non-RPing n00b! With this name, we can expect to not see them rrrrroleplaying."

"Now we have... Nitrodymium!"

"And the two worse teams are... Salkehachie... and Bercktesgaden!"

"So, the firrrrrst group has the following teams:"

Schiavonia
Rejistania
Swilatia
Estresse Intenso
The Non-RPing n00b
Nitrodymium
Salkehachie
Bercktesgaden

"And now, to the second grrrrroup! Rrrrrun, hamster, rrrrrun!"

"Jowenguard got the ball from the globe of the top rrrrranked teams... the firrrrrst team of grrrrroup two is... Milchama! Another team that makes us rrrrremember of a bad game."

"The second countrrrrry is... Sel Appa! They arrrrre the turrrrrtles, but want to accelerate morrrrre and rrrrreach the Worrrrrld Cup one morrrrre time."

"And now... Yafor 2!"

"They arrrrre followed by... The Islands of Qutar!"

"And after that... what arrrrre you waiting, give me the ball! Finally... Keyne Island!"

"The sixth team of grrrrroup two is... Kura-Pelland!"

"And to finish, Farrrrrgess and... The Comrrrrrade Emirrrrrates."

"So, grrrrroup two has these countrrrrries:"

Milchama
Sel Appa
Yafor 2
The Islands of Qutar
Keyne Island
Kura-Pelland
Fargess
The Comrade Emirates

"So let's go to grrrrroup thrrrrree. The top seed countrrrrry is... Az-cz! The rrrrrobbers, that decided to get involved in political discussions in a sporrrrrt competition, and the ones that starrrrrted with the massive crrrrreation of contests!"

"The second countrrrrry is... Zwangzug! Hmm, neither God knows what they arrrrre going to do this time."

"Now, the ball is... Qazox! The phoenix - (listen to his earphone) - sorry, the pheonix and crrrrreators of some sporrrrrts competitions will trrrrry to qualify for two consecutive cups for the firrrrrst time ever."

"Fourrrrrth team is... Cookesland!"

"Now to a fifth countrrrrry, and is a new one... Candelarrrrria and Marrrrrquez!"

"Now Jowenguard gives me the name of... Sorrrrrthern Norrrrrthland!"

"And to finish this grrrrroup, we have Collonie and... Kedalfax."

"So, grrrrroup thrrrree is this one:"

Az-cz
Zwangzug
Qazox
Cookesland
Candelaria and Marquez
Sorthern Northland
Collonie
Kedalfax

"Move, on, hamster, move on. The next grrrrroup awaits, and the firrrrrst countrrrrry is... Squornshelous!"

"And the second one is... Fmjphoenix, is rrrrreally phoenix this time? - (hear his earphone) - yes, I think so. Cafundéu played a lot of times against them."

"Now, now, now... You're too lazy, Errrrrasmo, trrrrry to get this ball faster! It's... Kirrrrryu-Shi! The champions of the Baptism of Firrrrre in Cafundéu!"

"The next is... Atheistic Rrrrright!"

"Now to a new countrrrrry in the Worrrrrld Cup qualifiers... Endmile!"

"Wow, the sixth is Jeru FC, rrrrready for the battle to avoid the last place!"

"And we end this grrrrroup with Billopesha and... Homieville."

"Grrrrroup four has these nations:"

Squornshelous
Fmjphoenix
Kiryu-Shi
Atheistic Right
Endmile
Jeru FC
Billopesha
Homieville

"My hearrrrrt is about to explode. Not because of excitement, but because of anger. I hate the speed of Errrrrasmo, he is too slow! Finally the top seed of grrrrroup five... Bettia! The defending champions!"

"And the second nation is... Bazalonia! Hmm, this seems a good grrrroup."

"Now to the thirrrrrd ball... Grrrrreen Wombat. Can they qualify this time?"

"We continue the drrrrraw with... Sprrrrruitland!"

"And then with... Dance 2 Rrrrrevolution!"

"Kansiov is the sixth nation!"

"And the last ones arrrrre TT Lake Side and... Shackfold."

"So, these teams will play in grrrrroup five:"

Bettia
Bazalonia
Green Wombat
Spruitland
Dance 2 Revolution
Kansiov
TT Lake Side
Shackfold

"We arrrrre rrrrreaching the half of the drrrrraw, so move on Jowenguard! The ball comes and the countrrrrry is... Vilita!"

"And the opponent of Vilita will be... The Holy Empirrrrre, Alasdair I Frrrrrosticus!"

"So, continuing... Sativaville! One more chance for them to finally go to the Worrrrrld Cup."

"And now I rrrrreceive the ball with the name of... Ulzaxid! The crrrrreatures may be fighting for a playoff spot."

"One of the best teams of the Baptism of Firrrrre... Grrrrrotewohl!"

"Herchimer comes in this grrrrroup!"

"And we finish with Brrrrritish Londinium and... Limbrrrrrogidlia."

"So, here it is, grrrrroup six:"

Vilita
Alasdair I Frosticus
Sativaville
Ulzaxid
Grotewohl
Herchimer
British Londinium
Limbrogidlia

Suddenly, a man enters in the palace shouting:

"Death to capitalism! We want republic in Cafundéu, we want socialism! A socialist republic is needed! Death to capitalism!"

More than twenty security guards run to his direction and start to hit him, arresting him without difficulties. One of the guards see a small bag near the entrance of the palace and shouts:

"What is that? Is a bomb? Bomb alert!"

The guards surround the bag, and open it with cautious. There is a plush bear inside it. One of the waitresses says:

"It's Zezinho, my bear! He comes with me wherever I go. What are you going to do with my baby?"

"He seems suspicious, and wasn't invited to the ceremony. We're going to take him with us to the nearest police station, where he will be interrogated."

"Oh, no, please don't hurt Zezinho!"

"Only if he talks. Let's going."

The guards left the ceremony, and the hamster returns to run. Jowenguard, who seems angry with Breno picks the next ball and throws it to Breno Gavião, who smiles to the cameras.

"So, grrrrroup seven now. The firrrrrst nation is... Arrrrriddia! They have many playerrrrrs playing in our national league."

"Going ahead... Turrrrrorrrrri!"

"And the thirrrrrd seed is... Acapais!"

"Moving on, another countrrrrry for grrrrroup seven... Lovisa!"

"Vephrrrrrall enterrrrrs in this grrrrroup too!"

"And New Montrrrrreal States join them!"

"The last two nations are Niosis and... ARrrrrealAdvance."

"So, grrrrroup seven is this one:"

Ariddia
Turori
Acapais
Lovisa
Vephrall
New Montreal States
Niosis
ARealAdvance

"Eighth grrrrroup alrrrrready, give me the ball Errrrrasmo. The top seed is... Demot!"

"And the second is... Oliverrrrrrrry!"

"Hmm, the ball has the name of... The HURD. The rrrrrobots have a good chance to enter in the World Cup."

"And Westerrrrrn Afghanistan comes as fourrrrrth seed!"

"Another countrrrrry in grrrrroup eight... Krrrrristovenia!"

"Where is the ball? Give me it quick, Errrrrasmo! You can be the Counselor-Minister, but you arrrrre slowing the drrrrraw! Thanks, let's see... Novapsolu!"

"And Shmibabway and... The Canelandic Islands close the grrrrroup."

"One morrrrre grrrrroup, grrrrroup eight is this:"

Demot
Oliverry
The HURD
Western Afghanistan
Kristovenia
Novapsolu
Shmibabway
The Canelandic Islands

"Now to the next grrrrroup. The firrrrrst ball has the name of... Jeruselem! Dazza Dallas commemorates... the drrrrraw? Well, no matter, she is jumping to the stage... what arrrrre you doing... help! Wait, no, no help, let she continue..."

Jowenguards picks the second ball, looks at Breno Gavião and decides to announce the name of the second team of the group:

"The second seed is Northern Bettia!"

"Well, as Breno is still with Dazza, I'll continue with the draw. The next nation is... Quakmybush!"

"Now getting another ball... St Samuel!"

Jowenguard continues with the draw, but in a very slow way.

"And now we have Patusan in group nine."

"Trumanistan is another team of this group."

"And we end with Planting and... Noirthemme."

Breno returns, takes the microphone again and says:

"Rrrrreturn to your place Errrrrasmo, I'm continuing the drrrrraw. So, grrrroup nine has these teams:"

Jeruselem
Northern Bettia
Quakmybush
St Samuel
Patusan
Trumanistan
Planting
Noirthemme

"Tenth grrrrroup now! The firrrrrst team is... Elves Securrrrrity Forrrrrces!"

"Followed by... Tynelia!"

"And... the thirrrrd ball isn't herrrrre yet. Oh, now it arrrrrives, with Errrrrasmo's usual speed. And it's... Assegai Developments!"

"Now another countrrrrry... Kampfers!"

"Aurendia comes to grrrrroup ten!"

"Ad'ihan too!"

"And we finish this grrrrroup with Tylero and... The Sons of a Monkey, who enterrrrred in the competition after the sign-ups werrrrre closed."

"So, grrrrroup ten is made, and these arrrrre the teams:"

Elves Security Forces
Tynelia
Assegai Developments
Kampfers
Aurendia
Ad'ihan
Tylero
The Sons of a Monkey

"Now to the last two grrrrroups, trrrry to be faster, Errrrrasmo."

Jowenguard throws a ball with strength in Breno's direction and says:

"Stop criticizing my speed, there is no need to haste. If you want to make the draw by yourself, go ahead and do it! I'm going to sit with the CCFM directors!"

Jowenguards leaves the stage, and Breno Gavião continues with the show:

"Forrrrrget him - (picks the ball thrown by Erasmo) - the firrrrrst team is Errrrrrrrinundera!"

"And last cup's hosts arrrrre in this grrrrroup too... The Lowland Clans!"

"And they will have the company of... Bostopia!"

"And Bushes Been Quaked is in the grrrrroup too!"

"Abu Omar in grrrrroup eleven!"

"Let's see another ball... Rrrrrugiero!"

"And Thelema Abbey and Kilmarrrrrnockshirrrrre finish this grrrrroup."

"So, this is grrrrroup eleven:"

Errinundera
The Lowland Clans
Bostopia
Bushes Been Quaked
Abu Omar
Rugiero
Thelema Abbey
Kilmarnockshire

"Last grrrrroup. No need to rrrrrun hamster, there is only one ball in each globe now. And the firrrrrst seed is... The Arrrrrchrrrregimancy!"

"Followed by... Wentland! Countrrrrry of Lennie Newton, one of the best players of our league!"

"Commerce Heights JSY in the grrrrroup too!"

"Jarrrrriss as the fourrrrrth seed!"

"The Baptism of Firrrre champions Daehanjeiguk in grrrrroup twelve too!"

"Bellzantium is another nation of this grrrrroup!"

"And we finish this grrrrroup drrrrraw with Cebumopolis and... Centrrrrral Prrrrrestonia."

"So, grrrrroup twelve:"

The Archregimancy
Wentland
Commerce Heights JSY
Jariss
Daehanjeiguk
Bellzantium
Cebumopolis
Central Prestonia

"The grrrroup drrrrraw ends herrrrre, thanks for coming!"

The ceremony continues with some local shows, while the waitress (the owner of the plush bear) leaves the palace crying.

These are the groups (with official order of teams):

Group 1
Bercktesgaden
Schiavonia
Rejistania
Estresse Intenso
Salkehachie
Swilatia
The Non-RPing n00b
Nitrodymium

Group 2
Sel Appa
Keyne Island
Milchama
Fargess
The Islands of Qutar
The Comrade Emirates
Yafor 2
Kura-Pelland

Group 3
Collonie
Az-cz
Cookesland
Candelaria and Marquez
Qazox
Zwangzug
Kedalfax
Sorthern Northland

Group 4
Homieville
Squornshelous
Billopesha
Atheistic Right
Endmile
Jeru FC
Kiryu-Shi
Fmjphoenix

Group 5
Bazalonia
Spruitland
Dance 2 Revolution
Shackfold
Kansiov
Green Wombat
Bettia
TT Lake Side

Group 6
Grotewohl
Vilita
Alasdair I Frosticus (The Holy Empire)
British Londinium
Limbrogidlia
Sativaville
Ulzaxid
Herchimer

Group 7
Niosis
New Montreal States
Lovisa
Turori
Acapais
Vephrall
Ariddia
ARealAdvance

Group 8
Kristovenia
The Canelandic Islands
The HURD
Oliverry
Demot
Shmibabway
Novapsolu
Western Afghanistan

Group 9
Noirthemme
Planting
Patusan
Northern Bettia
Trumanistan
Quakmybush
St Samuel
Jeruselem

Group 10
Tylero
Elves Security Forces
Ad'ihan
Tynelia
Aurendia
The Sons of a Monkey
Kampfers
Assegai Developments

Group 11
Abu Omar
Bushes Been Quaked
Rugiero
Bostopia
Thelema Abbey
The Lowland Clans
Kilmarnockshire
Errinundera

Group 12
Wentland
Cebumopolis
Commerce Heights JSY (Jasīʼyūn)
Daehanjeiguk
Central Prestonia
Bellzantium
The Archregimancy
Jariss

Schedule:

pre-qualifying friendlies
MD01: (1v8, 2v7, 3v6, 4v5)
MD02: (8v5, 6v4, 7v3, 1v2)
MD03: (2v8, 3v1, 4v7, 5v6)
MD04: (8v6, 7v5, 1v4, 2v3)
MD05: (3v8, 4v2, 5v1, 6v7)
MD06: (8v7, 1v6, 2v5, 3v4)
MD07: (4v8, 5v3, 6v2, 7v1)
mid-qualifying friendlies
MD08: (8v1, 7v2, 6v3, 5v4)
MD09: (5v8, 4v6, 3v7, 2v1)
MD10: (8v2, 1v3, 7v4, 6v5)
MD11: (6v8, 5v7, 4v1, 3v2)
MD12: (8v3, 2v4, 1v5, 7v6)
MD13: (7v8, 6v1, 5v2, 4v3)
MD14: (8v4, 3v5, 2v6, 1v7)
playoff draw
playoff first leg
playoff second leg

The Group Draws Are Here!
The live draw attracted a record 25,000 viewers!

BNP Reports

The live draw from Cafundeu attracted record viewers and record intrest as the Catamounts were placed in Group One, which appears heavy at the top and weak at the bottom.

The Entire Draw (Excpected qualifiers bolded)

Group 1
Bercktesgaden
Schiavonia
Rejistania
Estresse Intenso
Salkehachie
Swilatia
The Non-RPing noob
Nitrodymium

Group 2
Sel Appa
Keyne Island
Milchama
Fargess
The Islands of Qutar
The Comrade Emirates
Yafor 2
Kura-Pelland

Group 3
Collonie
Az-cz
Cookesland
Candelaria and Marquez
Qazox
Zwangzug
Kedalfax
Sorthern Northland

Group 4
Homieville
Squornshelous
Billopesha
Atheistic Right
Endmile
Jeru FC
Kiryu-Shi
Fmjphoenix

Group 5
Bazalonia
Spruitland
Dance 2 Revolution
Shackfold
Kansiov
Green Wombat
Bettia
TT Lake Side

Group 6
Grotewohl
Vilita
Alasdair I Frosticus
British Londinium
Limbrogidlia
Sativaville
Ulzaxid
Herchimer

Group 7
Niosis
New Montreal States
Lovisa
Turori
Acapais
VephrallAriddia
ARealAdvance

Group 8
Kristovenia
The Canelandic Islands
The HURD
Oliverry
Demot
Shmibabway
Novapsolu
Western Afghanistan

Group 9
Noirthemme
Planting
Patusan
Northern Bettia
Trumanistan
Quakmybush
St Samuel
Jeruselem

Group 10
Tylero
Elves Security Forces
Ad'ihan
Tynelia
Aurendia
The Sons of a Monkey
Kampfers
Assegai Developments

Group 11
Abu Omar
Bushes Been Quaked
Rugiero
Bostopia
Thelema Abbey
The Lowland Clans
Kilmarnockshire
Errinundera

Group 12
Wentland
Cebumopolis
Commerce Heights JSY
Daehanjeiguk
Central Prestonia
Bellzantium
The Archregimancy
Jariss

----------------------
Group 1
Bercktesgaden
Schiavonia
Rejistania
Estresse Intenso
Salkehachie
Swilatia
The Non-RPing noob
Nitrodymium

Let's analyse this group some more. Schiavonia and Rejistania are easily the class of the group and they should have a walk-over. Estresse Intenso could play the spoiler in this group and possibly grab one of the automatic qualifying spots, but thats unlikely. Swilatia have played inconsistantly but can be dangerous at times. Nitrodymium are also a side in which you dont know what to excpect. TNRPN seems to be harmless and Salkehachie cares less than we do about soccer. It appears that fifth would be our best case finish in this group, over Salkehachie, TNRPN and Nitrodymium.

Our main predictions:

CHAMPIONS: Ariddia

RUNNER-UPS: Az-Cz

THIRD: Rejistania

[Parriff] – the person driving the tank was unharmed, but there was damage to local shops and telegraph poles. The tank, regrettably, had a few paint scratches on it, and we send our thoughts out to our brave soldiers facing the Cadarnian threat.

Onto our next story, the qualification groups for World Cup 36, held in Cafundéu and Jasi…Commer…um…what? Oh, in Cafundéu and the UCS have been made earlier today in Cafundéu, which is also hosting tomorrow’s Grand Prix, the first in this new season of the World Grand Prix Championship. We can cross to new reporter Hayley Reanfeld.

The shot cuts to a five foot nine brunette, dressed smartly – but you’d have been able to see she was barefoot if the shot had panned out – standing outside the Emperor’s palace in Cafundéu, getting visible stares from the richer folk who walked past, not used to seeing someone dressed so smartly yet seemingly couldn’t afford shoes, especially in the rain. In fact, some foreigners had offered her money to buy shoes, while citizens of Cafundéu were much too tight with money to have to unnecessarily give it away. Actually, they would probably have wanted payment for buying her shoes.

[Reanfeld] Thank you Jamie. Yes, Bostopia was earlier drawn in Group 11, along with Errinundera and The Lowland Clans, hosts of World Cup 35. This tough group draw means it’s likely Bostopia will not automatically qualify, having to go through the playoffs if they look to qualify for the World Cup for the first time. Kelly Firth will have it tough against these two teams, but fans around Bostopia still have their hopes pinned on qualification, keeping the faith firmly with Kelly Firth’s management.

Due to Errinundera’s landscape and environmental stances, the Football Association have announced that the team and supporters will be staying in temporary accommodation in Teriff State, with the game itself being played in Copsequay Stadium, Fenton. The border with Teriff State is only a two hour drive from Fenton City; however, they will likely be staying in the south of Teriff State. In the broadcast before the Errinundera game, we’ll be giving you a short factfile on Teriff State.

And now, coming up on-screen is thes the official group listing, with teams followed by their rank.


1.Abu Omar (75)
2.Bushes Been Quaked (49)
3.Rugiero (111)
4.Bostopia (38)
5.Thelema Abbey (148)
6.The Lowland Clans (15)
7.Kilmarnockshire (N/R)
8.Errinundera (12)


And next, the fixtures, along with the stadium they'll be held in, and it's capacity.


MD01 Bostopia v Thelema Abbey - Bostopia Stadium, Fort Boston - 103,499
MD02 The Lowland Clans v Bostopia
MD03 Bostopia v Kilmarnockshire - Brian Marne Stadium, Rolida - 37,000
MD04 Abu Omar v Bostopia
MD05 Bostopia v Bushes Been Quaked - Junker Stadium, Prussingberg - 67,390
MD06 Rugiero v Bostopia
MD07 Bostopia v Errinundera - Copsequay Stadium, Fenton - 41,000
FR: TBA
MD08 Thelema Abbey v Bostopia
MD09 Bostopia v The Lowland Clans - Bostopia Stadium, Fort Boston - 103,499
MD10 Kilmarnockshire v Bostopia
MD11 Bostopia v Abu Omar - Halling Road, Glenrock - 37,000
MD12 Bushes Been Quaked v Bostopia
MD13 Bostopia v Rugiero - Bostopia Stadium, Fort Boston - 103,499
MD14 Errinundera v Bostopia


Bostopia fans are expectant of furthur progress to be made this time round, but don’t expect miracles to be worked.

Hayley Reanfeld, reporting for Channel 9, in a very wet Cafundó do Juta, Cafundéu.

[Parriff] Thanks Hayley. And now onto our next story...

Additional Reading
http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Bostopia
http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Bostopian_National_Football_Team

A good looking mother and her even better looking daughter wearing the same dress ...

Dazza: Hello! I'm ... you know who I am.
Kate: And I'm Kate Dallas, she's my Mum. We look similar!
Dazza: It's been while since we've had a mother and daughter on THE FOOTBALL LIFE since a once-off show with Anna Goldstein and Rachel Kool. Yes, it's a family now.
Kate: Well, I have two other relatives in the Jeruselem World Cup team too. Rashina Dallas and her sister Hikfie Dallas.

Dazza: The Dads out there are looking at me, and the young men drooling at Kate.
Kate: Or the young men are looking at my Mum, and the dirty Dads are looking at me.
Dazza: Either way, they are watching. Now, what are we here?
Kate: Mum is here because Dinkie Dosha who happens have the same initials as Mum is not well, so well she's here.

Dazza: Well, it's the World Cup draw! There's no Nedalia once again, but we have World Cup 35 champion back in this cup.
Kate: It's a Bettia world!
Dazza: That's my joke Kate.
Kate: We're just crazy Ariddian women. Most Ariddians aren't like this.

Dazza: Since we don't have a Nedalia, we are adopting Ariddia and Bettia as our friends for this cup. OK, I picked Ariddia because my Mum is Ariddian.
Kate: We'll be watching the progress of the Qazox Pheonix too, that's P-H-E-O-N-I-X and not P-H-O-E-N-I-X. It's not the Oxen, OK!
Dazza: Right, which groups are Bettia, Jeruselem as well as Ariddia and Qazox placed?
Kate: Cue music!

<The Pushbike song starts playing>

Dazza: Before we do, we'd like to give a gift to Qazox for their 40th year in the World Cup. You do the honours Kate.

<Kate Dallas removes a big white cover to reveal a giant Gold Oxen>

Dazza: OK, it's not solid Gold. It's actually Gold plated bronze but it's still solid.
Kate: It's a reproduction of the Gold Ox the sinners worshipped before Moses handed down the 10 commandments to them from God himself. I think Mum's broken most of those by now.
Dazza: Isn't it grand, I'd sit on it but I won't.
Kate: Mum likes free rides!

Dazza: Jeruselem has been drawn in Group Nine. For company so I don't get bored, we have seven other teams for company! Now who are these challengers?
Kate: Quakmybush is here, the other team favoured to make the finals. We have a history with this team - a winning one that is.

Dazza: And those thugs from Northern Bettia too, not Bettia Northern Bettia.
Kate: Fellow Crusaders St Samuel are here, but with their chance with three good teams in the group already are slim.
Kate: And Patusan! Err, no idea about them.

Dazza: Leaving three teams we know nothing about because they don't have rosters posted. Noirthemme, Planting and Trumanistan - most of those will be racing for the bottom positions.
Kate: Yeah, nice draw really. I like it!

Dazza: Bettia are in Group 5. The biggest threats to them are Bazalonia and Green Wombat, the favourite of Qazian jokes.
Kate: And out new friends Ariddia, because there's no Nedalia - got a really nice group. Group 7 looks cushy with the return of New Montreal States! The Paladins are back but not as the super-team they were.

Dazza: In Group 3, we have Qazox against the Gnomes from Az-cz and Zwangzug. Kate: I think Qazox will qualify, just.

Dazza: That's it from Dazza and Kate! OK, Katey girl - what's a real bike say.
Kate: ON YA BIKE! Well, what Mum really says when she's a bike is a lot dirtier.

A Dream Draw

Squornshelous were placed in Group 4 of the Qualifying tournament for World Cup 36. This draw was very fortunate for the Pschychoes. Ranked 13th with twelve groups to be drawn, we expected to be looking up at one of our opponents. Instead, we top the group, ranking wise. Group 4, probably the weakest group in qualifying, looks like this:

Squornshelous:
That's us! We're coming off a pretty disappointing campaign in World Cup 35 and our new ranking reflects it. The Pschychoes are going to be out to prove that they deserve to be back among the top ten after not having done much since winning World Cup 31.

Fmjphoenix:
A minor rivalry existed between Phoenixians and Squornshelans back about 50 to 80 years ago, when the two teams faced off numerous times in qualifying as well as in the cup proper. We look forward to renewing acquaintances.

Kiryu-shi:
Kiryu-Shi isn't a country we know a whole lot about.

Atheistic Right:
Atheistic Right and Squornshelous have a met a few times before, but not often enough for real familiarity and rivalry to build up. These two matches should be quite competitive, so perhaps there's a chance for something to develop.

Jeru FC:
Jeru FC aren't a particularly illustrius side. Squornshelous should take a full six points from them, and the teams under them. However, the Pschychoes are historically, a team prone to letdowns.

Endmile:
Endmile are in their first ever World Cup after participating in the Baptism of Fire. They did manage to reach the final of that tournament but lost on sudden death penalty kicks, 1-0. We'll see what this team is made of now. If they can recover from a tough loss like that, they may have a future here.

Billopesha:
See Endmile. We know next to nothing about this side. They are also in their first cup after playing in the BoF, albeit less successfully than Endmile. Billopesha only reached the Round of Sixteen before being eliminated.

Homieville:
Homieville are fresh meat. They make their international debut on matchday one. This team will most likely be the whipping boy for the rest of the group.

Squornshelous' Qualifying Schedule:
wins losses draws
MD01: Squornshelous v Kiryu-shi
MD02: Homieville v Squornshelous
MD03: Squornshelous v Fmjphoenix
MD04: Squornshelous v Billopesha
MD05: Atheistic Right v Squornshelous
MD06: Squornshelous v Endmile
MD07: Jeru FC v Squornshelous
Friendly: Az-cz v Squornshelous
MD08: Kiryu-shi v Squornshelous
MD09: Squornshelous v Homieville
MD10: Fmjphoenix v Squornshelous
MD11: Billopesha v Squornshelous
MD12: Squornshelous v Atheistic Right
MD13: Endmile v Squornshelous
MD14: Squornshelous v Jeru FC

The Sons of a Monkey manager Madonna Cantsingh has released the following statement regarding the draw.


We as a nation and as a team are proud to be entered into our first World Cup qualifying tournament. We will prove ourselves worthy opponents for all the other teams in Group 10. We may not win qualification through to the next stage but when you come up against our team you will know that you have been in a contest. Our home games will be filled to capacity with our rabid, shrieking, poo flinging fans and our away games will constantly be interrupted by received bomb threats (unsanctioned by the SOAM Football Federation board) and there may also be random kidnappings although that has not been confirmed at this time.

All home night games will be subject to random blackouts during which the game will continue as we have excellent night vision. If you can beat us at our own game then you have truly proven yourselves worthy of progressing to the next stage.

Good luck to all involved.....you will need it.

Signed

Madonna Cantsingh
SOAM Manager.


Provisional team for First game

4-4-2

----------------------------------GK - Gon Sho Ping----------------------------------------------


RB - Gobbed Emoff-----CB - Ugota Nastikov-----CB - Chuck Dawobbli------LB - Chu Mah Fat


RW - Con Creteshues------------CM - Aqueebmahteef Inajarbsidedabed-------------------LW - Yay Wei Wun


-----------------------------------AM - We Do Ping (C)-----------------------------------------


-----------------------ST - Tossa Legova----------ST - Paddy O'furniture---------------------------------



SUB DEF- Wenya knockinoff
SUB DEF- Hus Krapdisdaxs
SUB DEF- Wasi Akrim
SUB MID- Hafeez Andmissin
SUB MID- Anita Poopu
SUB MID- Zerenycash Leftova
SUB ST - Gee Yu Suk
SUB ST - Nora Titsoff
SUB ST - Gee Long Dong
SUB GK - Ruyan Mahmood



Inajarbsidedabed has performed well in training and has been elevated to the starting lineup in place of Anita Poopu who has a slight case of Diarrhoea. Tossa Legova has been in great form scoring a hat trick in his last club game before joining the squad. GK Gon Sho Ping had a less than stellar performance in his last club game letting in 3 goals. He will be looking to return to his best for this first qualifying game.

Group 12
(10) The Archregimancy
(19) Wentland
(39) Commerce Heights JSY
(57) Jariss
(79) Daehanjeiguk
(135) Bellzantium
(154) Cebumopolis
(N/A) Central Prestonia

Slated for Group 12, the Imperial Han Football Team is up for a great challenge. In order to be qualify minimally for the World Cup, the team must place within the top 3 (the top 2 advance, while the top third enter a playoff to qualify secondarily). In Group 12, the Imperial Team faces against two teams that in the top 20, seeded fifth in the group. While the Imperial Team expects to confidently place fifth in this group, the expectation looms that the team could manage to win a few critical matches and manage to squeeze into the third seed, at least.

The match schedule listed below shows a very travel-prone team, adding strain to the training schedule. Head Coach Cha Beomgeun was open to questions and delivered his typical speech following the release of the Qualifying Schedule: "It's going to be tough. Our first match will be at home, but we're playing an unranked team - Central Prestonia. Everyone knows that they're the random team, and while our recently achieved high rank puts us at an edge over them, I do expect it to be difficult. I can only hope that our boys play their best at home, so we'll training to cope against any potential that this team has, as well as practice our finishing touch."

The players spent the entire day practicing before settling back at the club house for an evening chat with the Coach. Kim Byeongji, one of the Imperial Team's prominent players, said that the Head Coach was doing a great job. "We had a really bad fluke in the Oxen Cup, but ever since then, Cha (Beomgeun) has been really good at keeping ahead of the other team, and managing our chances. I will admit that it's going to be tough, but if you take a look at our match against Cafundeu in the Oxen Cup, we lost on penalty kicks. If we can perform just as magnificently against them in the Qualifiers, I think that we'll have it in hand. But to perform as magnificently as we did then will take a lot of hard work, and I'm willing to give the little extra to get us there." First qualifying match will come after a final friendly, against Lovisa in Emperor Gojong Football Stadium. The first leg of the two friendlies in Lovisa was a disappointing 1-0 loss, but the team remains optimistic in their next venture at home.

MD01: (79) Daehanjeiguk VS Central Prestonia (---) (@ Hangyeong, Emperor Gojong Football Stadium - 150,000 capacity)
MD02: (135) Bellzantium VS Daehanjeiguk (79) (@ Bellzantium)
MD03: (79) Daehanjeiguk VS The Archregimancy (10) (@ Gwangju, Gwangdong Imperial Sports Complex and Stadium - 80,000 capacity)
MD04: (19) Wentland VS Daehanjeiguk (79) (@ Wentland)
MD05: (79) Daehanjeiguk VS Cebumpolis (154) (@ Hanseong, Munhwa Football Stadium - 65,000 capacity)
MD06: (39) Jasīʼyūn VS Daehanjeiguk (79) (@ Jasīʼyūn)
MD07: (79) Daehanjeiguk VS Jariss (57) (@ Pyeongyang, Goguryeo Football Stadium - 52,000 capacity)
Friendlies
MD08: (---) Central Prestonia VS Daehanjeiguk (79) (@ Central Prestonia)
MD09: (79) Daehanjeiguk VS Bellzantium (135) (@ Malnira, King Kim Iljei Memorial Football Stadium - 55,000 capacity)
MD10: (10) The Archregimancy VS Daehanjeiguk (79) (@ The Archregimancy)
MD11: (79) Daehanjeiguk VS Wentland (19) (@ Sanghae, Sanghae National Football Stadium - 80,000 capacity)
MD12: (154) Cebumopolis VS Daehanjeiguk (79) (@ Cebumopolis)
MD13: (79) Daehanjeiguk VS Jasīʼyūn (39) (@ Hangyeong, Emperor Gojong Football Stadium - 150,000 capacity)
MD14: (57) Jariss VS Daehanjeiguk (79) (@ Jariss)


Line-up for the First Match
Kim Yongdae

Kim Jingyu Pak Geonha Yi Sabik

Go Jongsu Yi Eulyong Jang Yogon Heo Jeongmu

Seo Jeongweon

Yi Dongguk Kim Daeeui

New Qazian Press

For those of you that didn't wake up at 4:00 am to watch the live Qualifing Draw, here is the Group and Schedule for the Pheonix:

GROUP 3
Collonie
Az-cz
Cookesland
Candelaria And Marquez
Qazox
Zwangzug
Kedalfax
Sorthern Northland

(Most important games are highlighted in BOLD)
MD01: @ Candelaria and Marquez
MD02: @ Sorthern Northland
MD03: vs. Zwangzug @ SaxerDome, SaxerVilla; Capacity: 85,000.
MD04: @ Kedalfax
MD05: vs. Collonie @ Champions Field, Qazox City; Capacity: 84,420.
MD06: @ Az-cz
MD07: vs. Cookesland @ Estadia Pika, Pika City; Capacity: 78,625.
MD08: vs. Candelaria and Marquez @ SaxerDome, SaxerVilla; Capacity: 85,000.
MD09: vs. Sorthern Northland @ Champions Field, Qazox City; Capacity: 84,420.
MD10: @ Zwangzug
MD11: vs. Kedalfax @ Champions Field, Qazox City; Capacity: 84,420
MD12: @ Collonie
MD13: vs. Az-cz @ Qazian Memorial Stadium, Qazox City; Capacity: 98,000.
MD14: @ Cookesland

An early look shows that our fellow rivals from the World Baseball Classic, Zwangzug and Az-cz look to be our toughest opponents during qualifing. Collonie and Cookesland will not be push-overs either, and the newer teams of Kedalfax, Sorthern Northland and Candelaria and Marquez could trip up the Pheonix.

A full group look will be tommorrow and will have our predictions as well.

Group Draw Book Sample

Group 2
Milchama (6)
Sel Appa (23)
Yafor 2 (27)
Qutar (54)
Keyne Island (108)
Kura-Pelland (114)
Fargess (141)
The Comrade Emirates (N/A)

Sel Appa was drawn into a fairly easy group with veterans Milchama and Qutar, as well as Yafor 2. The other teams are largely unknown. The qualifiers should be a relative breeze for the Turtles' 7th Cup run. The top two teams at the end of qualifiers qualify automatically, while the 3rd place teams enter a playoff seeding. Milchama should easily take one auto-qualification spot and Sel Appa or Yafor 2 should take the other. Odds favor Sel Appa a bit. Here are the current payouts for qualification:

Milchama (3-2)
Sel Appa (5-2)
Yafor 2 (4-1)
Qutar (5-1)
Keyne Island (9-1)
Kura-Pelland (12-1)
Fargess (15-1)
The Comrade Emirates (25-1)

Elven Times
Good Fortunes

After a seris of pre-qualifying friendlies, the Marauders are now in tip top shape and ready to get down to business. After displaying his tactical might against Jeru FC, Bostopia, and heated rivals of Demot and Assegai, Justinian Constant has quelled the fears of the Navy Wave and many of the critics that were quick to say the team was headed for a rocky way with the elf never having managed before. However, three wins and a draw later, the squad seems to be working together like clockwork and their play is fluid and worthy of the beautiful game. With the midfiled being the core of the squad, it is surprising that soo many new faces make up the starting eleven, but all have proven their play either domestically, in friendlies, or both, and have all done enough to prove that they have earned the right to be starting on the national team. In fact, there seems to be a logjam of talent just waiting for their chances to represent their country. It could be said that this is the "Golden Generation" of elven football, but then one would have to remember of how elves age and their extra longevity. Regardless, it is clear that Constant has a huge pool of talented players if he is still around following this tournament.

However, he will have his hands full as the group draw for the qualifiers has been made, and the elves have drawn fierce rivals Assegai Developments. Since entering the world stage, the Marauders have failed to defeat their regionmates in three chances, and will likely be ravishing the two additional oppurutities the draw has given them. However, as their is quite a strong sence of regional pride in the nation, many of those same fans that will be taunting and jeering the Assegains in their matches with the Marauders will be cheering for them in their other matches, so that the region will be well represented in the Proper. Rising powers of Tynelia will be some trouble for the Marauders, as the Tynelians seems to have shaken off the jinx that never allowed them to qualify from a few tournaments back and are clearly a rising power amongst the elite nations. Kampers are the only other real challange, but they should go down easily enough if the squad uses its class that is possesses. Ad'ihan will be the surprise among the weaker squads and finish with a 5-2-7 record and fourth in the group, while the remaining squads will provide six points for the squad without much hassle.

In addition to the fourteen qualifying matches, the EFA has a preliminary agreement with Squornshelous for a friendly sometime during qualification. Usually this would be played sometime in the two weeks between the first half of qualifying and the second half, but according to their press, they already have a match scheduled at that time with the gnomes of Az-cz. Whether this is a misprint or not remains to be seen, and the EFA will be looking to Squornshelous for answers as to when and if their friendly is to be scheduled for.

A special treat for all you who like predictions, here is my early line for the championship and third place playoff matches.

Championship
Bettia 3-2 ESF

3PPO
Ariddia 2-0 Az-cz

Predictions
Elves Security Forces
Assegai Developments
Tynelia
Kampfers
Ad'ihan
Aurendia
The Sons of a Monkey
Tylero

Schedule
MD1: ESF v Kampfers
MD2: Tylero v ESF
MD3: ESF v Assegai Developments
MD4: ESF v Ad'ihan
MD5: Tynelia v ESF
MD6: ESF v Aurendia
MD7: The Sons of a Monkey v ESF
mid-qualifying friendlies
MD8: Kampfers v ESF
MD9: ESF v Tylero
MD10: Assegai Developments v ESF
MD11: Ad'ihan v ESF
MD12: ESF v Tynelia
MD13: Aurendia v ESF
MD14: ESF v The Sons of a Monkey

Article by Luna Santapa

New Qazian Press

WORLD CUP PREDICTIONS AND ODDS
From our resident odds-maker Bryon Higgins:

Mr. Higgins has won the last 3 Qazox Series of Poker and is a well-repected odds-maker in Qazox. He has correctly predicted the last 5 Qazox Cup champions, and this will be his 1st foray into the World Cup.

The odds listed after each team is the odds that they will directly qualify for the World Cup. His predictions for Direct qualifing will be in BOLD, while his picks for the playoff qualifiers will be in Italics.

(Please note the odds may-not reflect the teams Mr. higgins picks to advance. Mr. Higgins is not responsible if you lose money betting on this tourney and neither is the New Qazian Press. Bet at your own risk.)

Group 1
Bercktesgaden 35-1
Schiavonia 7-5
Rejistania 9-2
Estresse Intenso 10-1
Salkehachie 40-1
Swilatia 11-2
The Non-RPing n00b 70-1
Nitrodymium 34-1

Group 2
Sel Appa 8-1
Keyne Island 20-1
Milchama 5-3
Fargess 50-1
The Islands of Qutar 12-1
The Comrade Emirates 50-1
Yafor 2 10-1
Kura-Pelland 15-1

Group 3
Collonie 20-1
Az-cz 4-3
Cookesland 15-1
Candelaria And Marquez 35-1
Qazox 11-2
Zwangzug 6-1
Kedalfax 30-1
Sorthern Northland 25-1

Group 4
Homieville 60-1
Squornshelous 2-5
Billopesha 60-1
Atheistic Right 9-1
Endmile 45-1
Jeru FC 30-1
Kiryu-shi 12-1
Fmjphoenix 12-1

Group 5
Bazalonia 5-3
Spruitland 7-1
Dance 2 Revolution 10-1
Shackfold 60-1
Kansiov 60-1
Green Wombat 12-1
Bettia 2-5
TT Lake Side 100-1

Group 6
Grotewohl 30-1
Vilita 9-4
The Holy Empire [Alasdair I Frosticus] 9-4
British Londinium 20-1
Limbrogidlia 75-1
Sativaville 10-1
Ulzaxid 15-1
Herchimer 60-1

Group 7
Niosis 80-1
New Montreal States 18-1
Lovisa 12-1
Turori 9-1
Acapais 10-1
Vephrall 20-1
Ariddia 5-1
ARealAdvance 100-1

Group 8
Kristovenia 35-1
The Canelandic Islands 75-1
The HURD 20-1
Oliverry 3-2
Demot 4-1
Shmibabway 80-1
Novapsolu 40-1
Western Afghanistan 40-1

Group 9
Noirthemme 85-1
Planting 100-1
Patusan 45-1
Northern Bettia 7-1
Trumanistan 80-1
Quakmybush 8-1
St Samuel 20-1
Jeruselem 3-2

Group 10
Tylero 75-1
Elves Security Forces 3-1
Ad’ihan 80-1
Tynelia 6-1
Aurendia 12-1
The Sons of a Monkey 66-1
Kampfers 15-1
Assegai Developments 11-1

Group 11
Abu Omar 25-1
Bushes Been Quaked 20-1
Rugiero 35-1
Bostopia 6-1
Thelema Abbey 75-1
The Lowland Clans 4-5
Kilmarnockshire 70-1
Errinundera 2-1

Group 12
Wentland 4-1
Cebumopolis 100-1
Jasīʼyūn 6-1
Daehanjeiguk 40-1
Central Prestonia 60-1
Bellzantium 80-1
The Archregimancy 2-1
Jariss 12-1

Of the teams Mr. Higgins has selected to advance to the playoff-stage, here are the odds for those 12 teams to advance to the World Cup, via the playoffs.
(NOTE the 6 BOLD teams are his picks to advance to the World Cup)

Swilatia 4-1
The Islands of Qutar 5-1
Bostopia 6-1
Quakmybush 6-1
Zwangzug 7-1
Assegai Developments 8-1
Jasīʼyūn 8-1
Spruitland 10-1
Lovisa 12-1
Sativaville 12-1
The HURD 15-1
Kiryu-shi 17-1

Mr. Higgins Picks for the final Four:

Champions: Squornshelous
Runner's up: Bettia
3rd Place: Jeruselem
4th Place: Oliverry

The Place: In the branches of ALADRIE, the sacred tree (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Sacred_Tree) of First Creek Falls (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/First_Creek_Falls), capital of Errinundera (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera).

The Action: A news conference held by the Errinundera Football Association (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera_Football_Association) announcing the stadiums to be used in qualifying matches for World Cup 36 (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/World_Cup_36).

The Players: imonedebouvoi, covenor of the Errinundera Football Association (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera_Football_Association) ; sundry journalists; political activists; academics; fans; hangers-on (metaphorically and literally).

imondebouvoi: The potoroos have achieved a significant milestone in this qualifying series – we are the #1 seeded team in our group for the first time since the “classical era” * of World Cup football. This means that our chances of qualifying are the best since we re-entered the ranks of Cup playing nations in World Cup 30 (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/World_Cup_30).

The hosts for this cup have announced the draw so we are able to, likewise, announce the fixture for our home games. They are as follows.

Match day 2 – Thelema Abbey. In keeping with tradition we will hold the opening match in the Deddick region, this time at the Milosis Coliseum in McKillops Bridge (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/McKillops_Bridge).

Match day 4 – The Lowland Clans (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/The_Lowland_Clans). The match against our most worthy rivals will, again keeping with tradition, be held at our largest stadium the Bonang Cricket Ground in, of course, Bonang (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Bonang).

Match day 6 – Kilmarnockshire. The Bemm River Recreation Reserve, likewise in Bemm River (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Bemm_River).

Match day 8 – Abu Omar (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Abu_Omar). Glenferrie in Bola Mine (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Bola_Mine).

Match day 10 – Bushes Been Quaked. New Glumbog Stadium in Rodger River (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Rodger_River)

Match day 12 – Rugiero. The Cavern in Mount Ellery (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Mt_Ellery)

Match day 14 – Bostopia (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Bostopia). Frosty Hollow (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Frosty_Hollow) near Rooty Break (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Rooty_Break).

For those people not familiar with our grounds, they can visit Errinundera’s NSWC Football Grounds (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera%27s_NSWC_Football_Grounds) web page. Frosty Hollow (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Frosty_Hollow) has its own page, of course.

Any questions? Please give your name and affiliation.

opazitonypotenoos: opazitonypotenoos, Department of Pure Maths, First Creek Falls (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/First_Creek_Falls) Lyceum. What is the significance of being seeded first in our group?

imonedebouvoi: For reasons we don't fully understand, higher ranked teams have, all else being equal, more good luck than other teams. We don't want, of course, to suggest that the NSWCC has introduced any bias into the qualifying process, so we have to put it down to luck. You might say that being top of the table gives us the best throw of the dice.

urlusu: urlusu, McKillops Bridge (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/McKillops_Bridge) New Statesman. You mention that the traditional opening game is in the Deddick region. In the past the tradition has, in fact, been to hold the match in McKillops Bridge (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/McKillops_Bridge). Does that mean that, in future, opening games may be held elsewhere?

imondebouvoi: This tournament’s opening match would have been played at the Stade de siaros in the city of Deddick (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Frosty_Hollow) had it not been trashed in the friendly against the Archregimancy (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/The_Archregimancy).

miyazaku: miyazaku, Delegate (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Delegate%2C_Errinundera) football fan and movie director. Why wasn’t the Delegate Stadium used?

imondebouvoi: It will not have achieved NSWC accreditation in time for this qualifying series. We intend to use it in World Cup 37.

ooxooxooxoo: ooxooxooxoo, Dreamtime Institute, Rooty Break (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Rooty_Break). Why was Bostopia (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Bostopia) chosen to be subjected to Frosty Hollow (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Frosty_Hollow)?

imonedebouvoi: We thought they could do with some Rooty Break (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Rooty_Break) hospitality.

isrea: isrea, The Nation, Bonang (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Bonang). Will our players be in any danger from tectonic movements when they visit Bushes Been Quaked?

imondebouvoi: Geological experts from the McKillops Bridge (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/McKillops_Bridge) polytechnic assure us that we have nothing to fear from earth tremors in that strangely named nation.

lobbugranaid: My name is none of your frigging business but I can tell you that I’m from the Department of Applied Anarchy at the amamatayodo University in Goolengook (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/McKillops_Bridge). My question is – When will the Stade de siaros be dismantled so that the glorious revolutionary site of the Battle of the Pass will be given the respect it is due?

(At this point the news conference turns into polemic and fisticuffs.)

*Classical Era of Errinundrian football = World Cups 5 through to 9.

The bartender at the "Ye Olde Flaggon Dragon" was polishing his cups and waiting to close down when a loud shout permeated teh room. He took a quick look over his shoulder and muttered; "Crap...and I only had 15 minutes left until I could close."

Police Chief Danner: "I say there's no way in hell that the Potheads will beat either Vilita or The Holy Empire. They might draw one of them here, but no chance of a win!"

Mayor Cremit: "And I still say that the Potheads will beat one of those two. It's a matter of odds, we can't not beat one fo them!"

Danner: "Wanna double our World Cup bet?"

Cremit: "Ok.. IF the Potheads beat either Vilita or the Holy Empire, you have to walk down Harrelson Avenue, in a wedding dress!"

Danner: "And if they don't you have to wear the dress!"

Cremit: "Deal.. Barkeep a pitcher of Marley Beer!"

As the Mayor and Chief of Police drank the remaining part of the night away, the barkeeper took a look at the Pothead Times-Herald and scanned the sports section about the World Cup draw.

"Hmmm, besides the Holy Empire and Vilita, let's see... Grotewohl? never heard of them... British Londinium? easy wins there... Limbrogidlia? never heard of them either...Herchimer? sound like a medical condition...Ulzaxid? they could give us run for it.... They do have a chance."

He took a quick look at the time and bellowed "LAST CALL... LAST CALL!! WE'RE CLOSING IN 5 MINUTES!!!"

Two women on a phone talking total crap

Kate Bush: Hello, is Dazza there?
Kate Dallas: No, it's me! Err Kate.
Kate Bush: Seen Mum?
Kate Dallas: The naked woman asleep on the couch? She's just tired.

Kate Bush: Oh, that's alright.
Kate Dallas: Nice group you got, I think Jeru FC are pretty screwed.
Kate Bush: Yeah, we're screwed. More screwed than your mother during a party with sailors.
Kate Dallas: That's pretty screwed.

Kate Bush: We'd be lucky to be 2nd last, looks like another last place for Jeru FC.
Kate Dallas: All they need is the right coach!
Kate Bush: Like your mother?
Kate Dallas: Well, yes ... the only person who seems to work with Jeru FC.

Kate Bush: You ready for the big thing Kate?
Kate Dallas: I'm a Dallas, we're ready. Katey girl is going be like her Mum.
Kate Bush: That's bad news!
Kate Dallas: I can't help it. I'm just badly behaved - bad role models like Mum but I like it.

Dazza: Who you talking to Kate?
Kate Dallas: Bushy!
Dazza: Hello, what you up to?
Kate Bush: Oh, I need some advice what to do with Jeru FC. I think we're pretty screwed with our group.

Dazza: Just have fun! Don't expect that lot to win games. If they do, enjoy it.
Kate Bush: Well, we've won a friendly against an unranked army team.
Dazza: Yeah, but it's a start.
Kate Bush: I won't be sleeping around like you do.

Dazza: Leave that job upto me, and Kate.
Kate Dallas: I'm bike in training.

Mark Baker, head coach of the Candelaria And Marquez national team, could not in all seriousness call himself an authority on the world game. After a brief spell playing abroad as a young man, he'd returned to a domestic league where foreigners were banned; a rule that remains in place to this day. Now, as under-fire manager of the second-largest club in the country, he had better things to do than watch any of the endless supply of matches at international level. He'd found himself coach of the national team more-or-less by accident recently, and after an exhaustingly odd Baptism of Fire was having to bone-up on the ninety-summat nations and the various competition rules pretty quickly.

Currently, via his son's collection of football yearbooks, all regrettably written in impenetrable Pacilatian, he was attempting to work out what a Dazza was, and why it appeared to matter to anyone.

A brief ding heralded the arrival of his no.2, Ricardo Garcia, to a shaky webcam image on Baker's laptop. Such as was possibly for his Hispanic deputy, he appeared ashen faced. He made an effort to smile none the less.
"Well then, Bakes… Line-up to die for, no?"
"Um… Sorry, Ric?"
"Group 3… you did watch the draw, mate, didn't you?"
Baker cursed quietly. They'd been unable to get to Cafundéu for the official draw, the FA being forced to pull together a collection of grumbling motorsport journalists to supply the official delegation. Now he'd somehow ended up missing the telly broadcast entirely. He told Garcia as much. His friend tutted.
"I've spent the last ten minutes finding out what I can… we've got Qazox at home first…"
Baker grimaced. "They're rather good, aren’t they…?"
"Just a tad. And then Zwanzug. Who I couldn't gather much about, except they're rather good, too. And keep telling everyone to be intelligent and enjoy themselves, which worries me somewhat. And then there's Kedalfax, also newcomers, used to have a dictator called ____."
"____.?"
"Apparently. Collonie, who are an, um, colony of Milchama. And in the middle of a nasty little war by all accounts. I'd make sure we bring a few dozen helmets to that one. And then it's Az-cz at home…"
"That rings a bell."
"Mmm. Funnily enough, they're quite good… And gnomes, by the way."
"Funny nickname for a football team…"
"Uh, no, Bakes, they're Gnomes. Proper. Little dudes."
Baker raised his eyes to the heavens. "Go on then, two more right?"
"Mm-hmm. Cookesland…"
"Oh, Christ…"
"And Sorthern Northland. Who we know from the boff. And who…"
"Are quite good, actually. Yeah, don't remind me." Mark chewed a slice of pizza thoughtfully. "'Don’t suppose you know how one gets into the Cup of Harmony, do yeh Ric…?"

***

The Albrecht Herald Online: News in Brief

The Candelaria And Marquez Ministry for Asylum and Immigration, who are also generally responsible for providing visas to tourists and temporary workers, has expressed concern over the presence of United Socialist States of Az-cz in Group 3 of the World Cup qualifiers alongside C&M. The Republic does not officially recognise the existence of non-human sentience, making the granting of visas to players, officials and travelling supporters from that country politically difficult. Faolan Nickells, a junior minister at the Ministry, brushed aside suggestions that the government would force the game to be played on neutral territory, but admitted that there remained issues to be 'ironed-out'.

***

Team for Qazox game as stated on official roster thread.

Due to an unseasonable amount of rain, the first competitive international match at the Millerman Sheppard Stadium is likely to be a somewhat boggy affair.

Tel Aviv Sharks Newsletter

Single mother wins DazzaMobile

We have a winner of that DazzaMobile. Tel Aviv fan Smuku Fala takes home the ultimate hot pink Nissan Micra convertible. Poor old Smuku is a single Mum with with three kids. She lost her husband during a terrorist attack and has been struggling to feed the kids ever since. She was forced to sell the family car to pay debts and without a car, she's been having trouble getting to work.

Despite this, she takes her kids to watch the local Tel Aviv Sharks games and is a dedicated fan of our team. She's a short brunette who likes to entertain people and is committed to raising her family given any means. Furthermore, she's ready for another relationship and she wanted this car for her family and to help improve her prospects of a new husband.

All this sounds like a Dazza to us, and she was the judges winner. Dazza Dallas win personally present the DazzaMobile to Smuku Fala, who thinks the Bike is a legit role model.

She said to us
"When I'm struggling, I think about what Dazza's mum did. It must of being hard raising Debbie and Dazza Dallas in the hard times but well it worked. Now, I want my kids to be achievers. I don't expect them to coach a big football team or a World Cup team or become a rich person but they can do things for themselves without the help of Mum all the time. I want to get married again so I can have a full family again. It's too hard in Jeruselem being a single Mum all your life as the kids grow up and have to work too, and you get left alone. Some people think that DazzaMobile is one ugly car, but for me it's perfect."

"I finally got a shirt that fits," Bartholomew hollered. "Can I be number 4?"

"No," Yul replied.

"U can b 44," Phillip said, in what would be "pointedly" for others, but for him was almost magnanimous.

Coach Mcgimpy smiled at the schedule. "Sixth seed already! My predecessor left me a strong core from which to build, it seems."

"Your predecessor...Well, we're second seed."

"Oh!"

Forestalling the probable argument, Jacob clarified, "But we're number 6 in these formats, and the home team is on the left."

"The left? Back in Bigtopia, the home team was on the right...of course, we called it football."

"You and Steven will get along well at any rate: he and Ulysses would argue for hours over what to call it."

"Anyhow, still worth a look at the opposition. Collonie?"

"Withdrew last cup after some foul mouthing-off...I think."

"Ay zed cee zed?"

Jacob had not realized how much the new coach's accent could influence things. "They're the best team in the group. Our last games of each half of qualifying will be with them: those could likely decide the group winner."

"Cookesland?"

"We play them first."

"Candelaria and Marquez?"

"Oh, now that is interesting. I got this list of their players..." Jacob's eyes glanced to the first player on the roster. "..."likes poetry." Let's not tell Andrew."

"Um...okay...Qazox?"

"They've been around longer than we have, but we definitively passed them up two cups ago. Still a threat."

"Kedalfax?"

"Didn't we...no, that was Kelssek. These I've never heard of."

"And Southern Northland?"

"Sorthern Northland."

"Oh. Well, that's better than Southern Northland. That would just be silly."

"Tried to back out at the last moment: I think they've got some internal crisis. Anyhow, this is their first cup."

"All right. So, overall, what's the picture?"

"Four zees, two xs, and two qs. And us."

"I get the feeling that last might be our biggest challenge?"

"It's a nice change to have a coach with some social skills."

MD00 (pre-qualifying friendlies) results (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12896325&postcount=2)

Tynelia Gets Draw. Still No Respect.


Tynelia readies itself for its 10th World Cup try having qualified the last three times in a row, the last through a playoff. Despite this, most experts feel the team will fail this time around, at best making the playoffs. The trendy pick to beat us out is the third seed Assegai Developments who follow our 26th ranked club at the 30th spot. The class of the group appears to be the Elves Security Force ranked 4th in the world. Of course Tynelian are used to being overlooked by the rest of the world so this comes as no real surprise to our citizens.

Oddly despite our long history this is the first time our team has faced either of those squads in the Cup proper. In fact Tynelia has not faced any of the teams in their group this time around. Something that still amazes all Tynelian fans who still seek out that big rival. Of course some argue that Bettia certainly deserves that title as they are the team we have faced more than any other, but others discount that since to be a true rival they say, both teams have to be able to beat each other and the Bettian fued is certainly heavily weighed on the Bettian side at 5-1-1.

This will be the first test of Coach Jay Masterson’s radical new plan of attack which actually tries to get a bit more offense into the game as Tynelia has suffered over the years from their defensive mind set as they have almost always found themselves on the short end of tiebreakers due to low goal differentials and low goal scored totals. Time will tell if this is change will aid or hurt the team in the matches to come. Coach Masterson however feels that this is the time to make a change if they hope to get beyond the group stages of the Cup.

“We’ve been able to get by in the qualifiers with good defense but against the top squads in the cup proper things break down. The top teams are good enough to score on us but we’ve never been able to match them on their side of the pitch. A slightly more attacking style I think will help us in the long run. Of course we have to get to the group stage again but this is a veteran team and a confident one. We should be a team to watch out for this time I think.” Masterson was quoted recently.

The team hopes to get off to a good start at home against Aurendia ranked 94th in the world and that match, as will all our matches be covered by Tynelia’s premier soccer show Tynelian Soccer Weekly which will keep the country informed as they try to make the tenth time a charm.

Jariss Free Press
"A free press for a free land."

Jariss Ready for Second Try

The Jariss team readies itself for its second ever World Cup attempt this time under the leadership of Coach Pitu Kirui as they look to improve on their last 9 point effort. This time the road looks a little easier as the the team finds their efforts in the qualifiers and Cup of Harmony have them at 54th in the world and the fourth seed of their group rather than the second to last. However the top teams of the Archregimancy and Wentland look to be the class of the group here. An interesting matchup will be the team’s matches against Daehanjeiguk at the end of each half of play where the current BoF champions of Daehanjeiguk face the previous BoF’s runner ups in Jariss.

First up the team is thrown into the fire as they face second seed Wentland on the road. Thios should be a real Jarissian matchup as Wentland is a team as committed to defense as Jariss is. Jariss fans are no doubt looking forward to some exciting 0-0 matches that only true connoisseurs of the game appreciate. In fact the group as a whole seems a bit defensive minded which should only play to our advantage.

With the team now much more experienced to the foreign world overseas it is expected that they will make a much stronger showing this time around with many veterans of the first cup qualifiers returning as well as the overseas work of Goru Lyani in Errinundera and Joa Giranu in Cafundeu. The team is looking much higher in its expectations and Fya Panai, the outspoken defender, expects to be fighting for a playoff spot this time around.

In any case Jariss city is preparing to host its first match of the qualifiers against unranked Central Prestonia, a team which will be playing in only its second ever international match at that point. This is a match the team hopes will be the springboard to success this time around as even most Jarissians feel it will be extremely difficult to get any points off a more experienced defensive team like Wentland.

Official Venues Report

(MD01) Sel Appa vs. Kura-Pelland -- NativeZone (Natives Province)
After declining to host a qualification match for six straight Cups, the NativeZone, home of the Natives, has been cleared by the Native Council to host a qualification match. Seating capacity was expanded to accommodate more spectators.
(Capacity: 32,000)

(MD02) Sel Appa vs. Keyne Island -- Yrrevilo Park (Yrrevilo)
A small, but capable stadium, Yrrevilo was chosen to ensure a fair distribution of the qualification matches.
(Capacity: 40,000)

(MD04) Sel Appa vs. Fargess -- Real Field (Fizroe)
This stadium was chosen because of its high-profile which will allow the visiting team to receive more exposure.
(Capacity: 72,000)

(MD06) Sel Appa vs. The Comrade Emirates -- Anila City Stadium (Anila City)
Like the previous match, this one against a new team was put in a major stadium to expose them to the world better. With The Comrade Emirates playing here, they are sure to catch the eye of scouts.
(Capacity: 64,000)

(MD10) Sel Appa vs. Milchama -- Grand Archduke Kirby I Stadium (Anila City)
Milchama is in the top ten teams in the world and polls have shown that this may be one of the most attended matches in Sel Appa during these qualifiers. A large stadium was chosen to ensure all who wanted to could see the match.
(Capacity: 80,000)

(MD12) Sel Appa vs. Qutar -- Turtle Stadium (Nemnenait)
Also known as Grand Nemnenait Stadium, Turtle Stadium is the home of the Nemnen Turtles and is the largest stadium in Sel Appa. This stadium was chosen because of the Sel Appan interest in defeating Qutar on home ground. After the World Cup 32 loss in Qutar that crushed qualification hopes, many wanted cold revenge. Hope came in the next World Cup, however, Sel Appa lost 1-3. This time, the Turtles plan to change it all around.
(Capacity: 128,000)

(MD14) Sel Appa vs. Yafor 2 -- Roflcoptre Dome (Roflton)
This stadium was chosen to round off the qualifiers because of its pleasant location.
(Capacity: 48,512)

"Mr. Editor, sir?"

"Yes?"

"Have you seen this grou we've drawn?"

"Yes?"

"Well... what am I supposed to write about them?"

"Just say which ones you think will do well, and which will do badly."

"But... I can't!"

"Why not?"

"Because that would mean me saying that Schaivonia will do well and everyone else will do badly."

"Ah, now come on, they can't all be that bad!"

"No, they are! Look!"

The Schiavone Scribe
Sloths To Lead Charge

And so it came to pass that Bettia did win World Cup 35, and that Ariddia did come second. And so, between the two of them, they had won the last four World Cups. It's even more dull than the Liverpool England, Starblaydia and Bedistan stranglehold on the cup that we had about 25-40 years ago. At least there was three of them.

So who can we look to in a bid to break this stranglehold? Well, the third ranked team would be a good guess. And they are... Schiavonia.

Bollocks.

Yes, the world's current best hope to break the latest superpowers' stranglehold on the World Cup are a nation full of overly friendly nobodies called Winston who don't even play in proper positions. So unless ESF or Az-cz can pass the Sloths and put1 on another decent showing... well, it looks as if we're doomed to another cup of boredom!

First, though, there's the small matter of qualifying, and... well, it should be easy. Let's look at our opponents.

Schiavonia
That's us. Overwhelming favourites for the group, so, going on past form, we really should be scared for our path through to the next round.
Predicted finish: 1st

Rejistania
An old rival of ours from our days as the two main football powers in our former region of The League. And from our unusually defensive displays there in our Baptism of Fire forty years ago. Of course, it's a different place, now. It's effecively a Unified Rejistani States. But it is still in the League, and they're bound to be at least a bit bitter with us. Should prove for two interesting matches, but the revolution seems to have lessened the quality of play there slightly.
Predicted finish: 3rd, qualifies via play-offs

Swilatia
One of the few nations that Schiavones don't mind offending, for some bizzare reason. Cafundéu don't like them either, so it's not just us. As for the team, wildly inconsistant is the best description. They're not even consistant at being inconsistant!
Predicted finish: 4th

Estresse Intenso
Cafundéu's poor relations would love it if they could make it to the finals in their better off neighbour's country, and what better chance of making the finals do they have? If the new look Rejistania team don't find their form quickly, they could very easily beat them to a qualifying place!
Predicted finish: 2nd

The Non-RPing n00b
A nation so poor, that they couldn't even afford their own roster. Schiavonia, being as nice as they are, let them use the end of the Sloths' one for their information. For the record, this is a country who were entirely converted to Orthodoxy be members of The Archregimancy, only to be converted to Buddhism three weeks later. Currently, the national religion is the Mosque of the Table Tennis God, although this could change at any moment. The average citizen is green, eight feet tall and has three legs.
Predicted finish: 7th

Nitrodymium
Last sixteen side in the Baptism of Fire, which equates to them not being much cop. Still better than some around these parts, though.
Predicted finish: 6th

Salkehachie
Who?
Predicted finish: 8th

Bercktesgaden
Another new nation on the football scene, but this one does actualy have a squad of players, and having watched them train (I do a thorough job, you know!), I can tell you that they've got potential to do well further down the line. Not world beaters yet, though.
Predicted finish: 5th

As for tournament winners, we're going to pick Capitalizt SLANI as our favourites, mainly because that means that we've got a team that's already qualified!

Our opening game is at home to The Non-RPing N00b, who will be fielding a team of goats in order to help keep the grass on the King Francesco Stadium pitch nicely trimmed on the cheap.

Meanwhile, discussions are being made between representatives from the SFF, Sel Appa and The Diving Corporation of Jativa for a unique friendly game mid-qualifying. However, more details cannot be released at this time.

http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/logos/tribune-wc36.png
AEROPAG, JI · 0.10 g Au · 159–01–02
Aeropag Tribune announces pacification contest—details available online

Sports: Upset gives 혜성즈 (Hyesūŋjī) positive outlook for World Cup qualifying
INTERNATIONAL CITY, CT—자스연 (Jasīʼyūn) manager Mitchell Ramírez achieved the greatest result in the team’s history today, defeating Alejandro Bolúfero’s top ten–ranked Capitalizt SLANI squad in extra time. In a post-game press conference, Ramírez remarked that his squad is “the first Capitalizt team wearing the red and white that has the quality to reach the World Cup—and best of all, they can play their first World Cup on home soil, just as the CHFF did all those years ago in World Cup 8.” The press conference also revealed the team’s venue selections for the qualification matches (shown below).

The opening minutes of the game saw Capitalizt SLANI dominate possession, as was expected. The Capitalizts’ front four got several scoring opportunities in the early game, though many went wide and the others were easy for Petersdorf to reach. Around the fifteenth minute, the 혜성즈 (Hyesūŋjī) managed to adjust themselves to the high-tempo game, and proved the equals of SLANI for the remainder of the half. Oriala Nisauä demonstrated this in the thirty-eighth minute with a vicious strike at the top corner of the goal from thirty meters out, giving 자스연 (Jasīʼyūn) the lead for the first time in the six meetings between the teams.

Early in the second half, a poorly-timed challenge by Vicki Landry knocked Roy Hartenholm to the turf as he was about to strike, earning Landry an early departure from the game. Hartenholm converted the ensuing penalty kick, equalizing the score at 1–1. Even with 자스연 (Jasīʼyūn) down to ten men, the next half-hour was a stalemate between the teams, with neither side able to achieve any quality chances. Capitalizt SLANI made several desperate attempts at the goal in the final ten minutes, but were unable to save the quadrennial derby from reaching extra time for the first time in its history.

SLANI’s numerical advantage served them well in the first half of extra time, preventing 자스연 (Jasīʼyūn) from even attempting a shot for the fifteen minutes. At the other end of the field, Δημὴτρης Θεοδωράκης (Dīmī̀trīs Theodōrákīs) put the ball into the net at the other end for a 2–1 Capitalizts lead. Had the silly “silver goal” rule from World Cup 1 been kept, the match would have stopped there, but fortunately for the seventy-five thousand paying spectators, it did not.

In the second half of extra time, fatigue prevented SLANI from maintaining their fast attack, and gave the weaker in numbers, but more patient, 혜성즈 (Hyesūŋjī) a chance to shine. In the one hundred seventh minute, Rodolfo Kamporino scored on a header from a brilliant corner kick by 권규혜 (Gwon Gyu-hye) to level the score at 2–2. While everyone was waiting for the match to go to kicks from the penalty mark, Kamporino skillfully split the defenders in the one hundred nineteenth minute and scored his second goal. The 3–2 scoreline held through the final whistle, and 자스연 (Jasīʼyūn) celebrated its first-ever win over Capitalizt SLANI.

http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/worldcup/graphics/flags/33/COM/ Capitalizt SLANI 1 (2 AET) (Hartenholm pen 49, Θεοδωρὰκης 105+1)
http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/worldcup/graphics/flags/33/JSY/ 자스연 (Jasīʼyūn) 1 (3 AET) (Nisauä 38, Kamporino 107, 119)
Unity Stadium, International City, UCS · Attendance 75 000

자스연 (Jasīʼyūn) WC36 qualifying schedule
pre-qualifying friendly: W 3–2 AET at Capitalizt SLANI (Unity Stadium)
MD01: vs Bellzantium (Auswärtssieg Arena)
MD02: at the Archregimancy
MD03: vs Wentland (Esther Marchese Memorial Stadium)
MD04: at Cebumopolis
MD05: vs Jariss (Drakcorp Querzakhi Olympic Stadium)
MD06: vs 대한제국 (Daehanjeguk) (Capitalizm)
MD07: at Central Prestonia
mid-qualifying friendly: available
MD08: at Bellzantium
MD09: vs the Archregimancy (Sokojito Überdome)
MD10: at Wentland
MD11: vs Cebumopolis (JPL Paladin Stadium)
MD12: at Jariss (Jariss Arena)
MD13: at 대한제국 (Daehanjeguk) (Emperor Gojong Football Stadium)
MD14: vs Central Prestonia (Metropolitan Stadium)

New Qazian Press

40 YEARS OF QAZOXIAN FOOTBALL...WHERE ARE THEY NOW?

(Please note WC 28 Qualifers took place in 1895, Qazox time, WC 28 1897)

After World Cup 27 and the above average finish, the expectations for World Cup 28 were high, but no-one expected to finish in 3rd place against teams like Legalese, The Islands of Qutar and Audioslavia. An impressive 4-0-2 road record was followed by a poor 2-1-3 home record, starting a Qazox tradition of doing lousy at home in the qualifers, at least for the next few Cups, began.

ROSTER:
POSTION
NAME (age)
Reggie Hassok (21)--San Guano
John Frorr (27)—New Recife

DEFENDERS
Kiel Venice (24)—16 Graffix
Harden Homer (30)—Vogg United
Jarod Megia (22)--Kibbutz
Helena Sexton (28)--SaxerVilla
Jim 'the Real' McCoy (27)--SaxerVilla
Joanne ‘Square’ Root (23)—Real Qazox
Loki (21)--Rockport AC

MIDFIELDERS
Andrew Mason (24)—New Recife
Anthony Mason (24)--Qazox City
Shaun Brady (30)—Rockport AC

WINGERS
Jamie Bookman (23)--Joehio Ajax
Alicia “Speedy” Gonzalez (23)—San Guano
Marie Goya (21)—Fromburg Aston
Maria Gretzky (25)—New Bruxen
Henri Latrique (22) Rockport AC
Alana Broker (20)--Iguana de Mia
Tyrone Baker (22)--Lake Porter City




So where are they now?
Reggie Hassok: Former Head Coach of National team, Qazox' 1st World Cup Hall of Famer, Died at age 42 in 1914 during Cup of Harmony 24.
John Frorr: Onwer of Frorr's Tacos in Las Vitas, Age 62

DEFENDERS
Kiel Venice: Co-owner of FC Fromburg, Age 59
Hadeen Homer: Deceased, died in 1915 during 2nd Qazoxian Civil War at age 43.
Jarod Megia: In Prison for the murder of his wife, a 35-year sentence that started in 1920; Age: 56
Helena Sexton: Married Jamie Bookman in 1904, lives in New Recife; Age: 62
Jim 'the Real' McCoy: Chief Surgeon at Qazox National Hospital, Qazox City; Age: 61
Joanne ‘Square’ Root: Living on streets of Pika City; Age:57
Loki: Wandering around Vallhalla with the other Norse Gods; Human Age:55

MIDFIELDERS
Andrew Mason: Co-Owner of Mason's Exporting, Age 62
Anthony Mason: Co-Owner of Mason's Exporting, Age 62
Shaun Brady: Died of drug overdose in 1905 at age of 45.

WINGERS
Jamie Bookman: Married Helena Sexton in 1904, living in New Recife; Age: 57
Alicia “Speedy” Gonzalez: Owner of Gonzalez Sports Apparel, lives in MArleyville, Sativaville Age: 57
Marie Goya: Moved to Tynelia with Husband and owns a Pharmacy, Age: 57
Maria Gretzky: Lives with husband, Dylan Greene, in Sativaville, Age: 61.
Henri Latrique: Found dead at age 36 in 1907 on a mountain in Insaneindahead
Alana Broker: Married Tyrone Baker in 1903, lives in Iguana de Mia; Age: 54
Tyrone Baker: Married Alana Broker in 1903, lives in Iguana de Mia; Age:56


SPECIAL INTERVIEW: (Alicia “Speedy” Gonzalez)

NQP: Ms. Gonzalez, a true pleasure interviewing you for this 40 years of Qazoxian Football special.

Gonzalez: It's been that long already? Just seems like yesterday we were upseting Legalese.

NQP: So what have you done with yourself since your retirement for the national team?

Gonzalez: As you now, I founded Gonzalez Sports Apparel in 1906 and now just over 20 years later its the 8th biggest apparel company in the World.

NQP: 8th biggest? But your company has not outfitted any national team, how can it be so big?

Gonzalez: Well, we stay out of the Hockey and Football apparel part, but there's a big need for F1, basketball, baseball and the Olympics. I fact I'm pleased to announce that both the Qazox and Sativaville Olympic teams will be using only GSA products for the next 4 Winter games and the next 4 Summer Games.

NQP: When Qazox finally qualifed for the World Cup, were you proud of the team, even though you were no longer a part of it?

Gonzalez: Hell yeah, I was pleased to be part of the building blocks that lead to that accomplishment. That was for all of us that had to suffer tough defeats in the 4 prior attempts.

NQP: One last question, Reggie Hassok, what are some of your memories of him?

Gonzalez: Reggie was one of the best keepers ever. For 12 years he sweat, bled and cried Qazox football. When he became the Head Coach in 1904, just after our horrible qualifing in 1903 [ed note: World Cup xXx qualifiers], his will to win seemed to invigorate that team in 1907 [ed note World Cup 31 qualifing] and the nation bore the fruits of his dream. When he died in 1914, the whole country wept. It was like losing a brother.

NQP: Thank you Ms. Gonzalez for your time.

Gonzalez: Thank you and GO PHEONIX!!!

Next issue: World Cup 29 qualifing team.

THE MONASTIC TIMES

MONASTIC FOOTBALL ASSOCIATION DENOUNCES GROUP OPPONENTS, HOSTS
Heretics, Blasphemers, Heathens, and Mammon-Worshippers "To Be Shunned"

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

With the conservative faction once again ascendent at the Monastic Football Association, it will come as little suprise to long-term MFA observers that the first reaction out of Archregimancy footballing HQ upon hearing of the World Cup draw was to denounce the national team's opponents for heresy, atheism, and paganism. A new twist was added, however, when the MFA additionally denounced the hosts for making commercial considerations such a high priority in this year's tournament. "It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a citizen of the United Capitalizt States to enter the Kingdom of Heaven" said a senior archimandrite, speaking on condition of anonymity.

Official MFA reaction to the qualifying draw was as follows:

Wentland - Have shown disturbing signs in the past of an obsession with the infernal racket known as 'rock and roll'. While it is not for us to predict God's infinite mercy, would have a much better chance of Eternal Salvation if they listened to some nice liturgical music instead.

Cebumopolis - That "-opolis" suffix suggests that they may be Greek, and therefore Orthodox. Still, better to assume that they're demonically-possessed heathens until proven otherwise.

Jasīyūn - Did we mention that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a citizen of the mammon-worshipping United Capitalizt States to enter the Kingdom of Heaven?

Daehanjeiguk - A threat. Not just because their football team appears to be one of the more dangerous new participants out there, but also because the majority of their players seem to practice Buddhism, Confucianism, Daoism, local animism and Islam. Potential converts, perhaps, if we can convince them of the error of their ways.

Central Prestonia - We know little about them, but assume them to be heathens or heretics.

Bellzantium - Have perverted the name of the greatest and most glorious of Orthodox Empires, and thus are clearly possessed by unclean spirits.

Jariss - Appear to have mostly women on their time, and therefore threaten to disrupt the monastic purity of the Archregimancy. Treat with caution.

Senior MFA officials were quick to promise that all heretics, blasphemers, heathens, and mammon-worshippers were to be shunned this qualifying campaign.

OOC: this RP was broadcast before the Bettia - Az-cz friendly...




"Hello and welcome to this new series of World Cup Watch, brought to you as always in association with Azurlens ™, the best antidote on NS-Earth for those Monday morning reds! Joining me in the studio to digest the draw for the qualifying groups of World Cup 36 is former Aroras manager Stuart Abdul-Rahim, and first, the sports writer for The Enlightener Bob Targett. Bob?"

"Thanks John. Well, when you look at the draw, you're immediately drawn to our opening match... and what an opening match it should be too - just a short hop over the channel for a local derby with Spruitland! I think this could work out well for our boys - after winning a major trophy, it can sometime be difficult to get motivated to defend the title, so a good old-fashioned local derby could be just what we need to get the boys well-and-truly fired up."

"Indeed, we don't want to get complacent here. Bettia had an excellent tournament last time round, winning all but two of our competitive matches, but if we want to repeat that we'll have to watch our footing against some of these supposedly weaker teams. As always, the Aroras will be going all out to score shedloads of goals, but of course that could leave the way open for the other teams to shut up shop and sneak a goal here and there on the counter. Stuart, apart from our final opponents here which we'll move onto in a minute, what do you make of the other teams?"

"Well, Green wombat are gaining a reputation as an improving team, so it'll be interesting to see how that tie works out. Then there's Dance 2 Revolution - here's a team that's been around for a while, they know the score. Unfortunately for them, back in World Cup 33 those scores were a pair of defeats to Northern Bettia. The other three teams, Shackfold, Kansiov and TT Lake Side are all new nations, so they've all got nothing to lose - as always, the pressure will be on us to beat them, not the other way round."

"And finally Stuart, the Aroras end their campaign with their toughest game - away to Bazalonia."

"Oh yes, tough's the word alright. Those Bazalopes can be tricky at the best of times, so to face an away game there on the last day in what could potentially be a six-pointer isn't really the ideal draw for us. Let's just hope the group is done and dusted either way before then."

"Indeed. Now then Stuart, let us just cast a quick glance at the other groups. First of all, there's Az-cz, who'll be coming here before this qualifying round gets underway for the now-traditional friendly."

"That's right, a friendly in the rainforest, at Grappenhall's Campus Ground - the only game to be played outside of Gabalfa. The weather's pretty wet up there at the moment so chances are the game will be played with the roof closed. As for Az-cz themselves, there's no doubt they're an excellent team. I quite fancy them as one of the potential winners of this World Cup, and I'll be very surprised if they don't qualify for these finals as anything but group winners."

"Yes, it looks like Bob's nodding in agreement there. Stuart - any other groups that catch your eye?"

"Definately - we can't go on without mentioning another of the cup favourites, Jeruselem. You have to pity Dazza Dallas, 'cos Jeruselem have been drawn in the same group as our Gog neighbours. Let's just hope she'll be wearing a long skirt, otherwise she could be in for a rough ride..."

"But wouldn't she enjoy that?"

"Heh! Please Bob, this is prime time TV! Now, it looks like Group 7 could be quite a tough one to qualify automatically from for Northern Bettia - not only do they have to contend with Jeruselem, but they also have to deal with Quakmybush. They've got their work cut out if they want to make it four qualifications out of four."

"Thank you Stuart. Now then, to mark the start of this World Cup, Sonastra Sports Network is introducing a number of new services. First of all there's the new SimulCast, which will enable customers to watch up to four games of their choice simultaneously. Whilst focusing on one game, the other games will be shown in small boxes in the top right corner, and the on-screen display will show when anything exciting is happening so you'll never miss out on any of the action. Secondly - and this is especially for all you HumungoScreen owners out there - all Bettia matches will now be broadcast in Ultra High Definition, so even if you're watching the game on a 100 foot screen, the picture will still be razor sharp and crystal clear! And in addition, there's the option of selecting your viewpoint and sound, including a connection to the referee's microphone and a choice of terraces within the ground. So, for example, if Bettia are playing away, you can just select the microphone form the away section and it'll still sound like a home game. And finally, if Bettia have the misfortune to be playing against a team in red, our special camera technology will filter out any harmful colours and render them as a harmless blue."

"Phew, that's a relief. I mean, what would possess a team to play in red anyway? Are people really that evil? Watching teams playing in red certainly ain't the most pleasant thing in the NS-world - in fact it's downright nasty."

"Certainly is Bob, and we wouldn't want to put our viewers through any more of that torture! Well that brings us to the end of this special bulletin. After the break we'll have live action from the Bettian League of Gridball, so until we see you again for that friendly in Grapenhall, all that remains for us is to say... COME ON YOU 'RORAS!!"


Fixtures / Results

MD..OPPONENT................VENUE...RESULT


Qualifying Group 5

FR: Az-cz...................HOME....W 3-2
01: Spruitland..............Away....
02: Dance 2 Revolution......HOME....
03: Shackfold...............Away....
04: Kansiov.................HOME....
05: Green wombat............Away....
06: TT Lake Side............Away....
07: Bazalonia...............HOME....
08: Spruitland..............HOME....
09: Dance 2 Revolution......Away....
10: Shackfold...............HOME....
11: Kansiov.................Away....
12: Green wombat............HOME....
13: TT Lake Side............HOME....
14: Bazalonia...............Away....

The Anyuna Observer: Arora recipe special on page 7
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y231/bettia/nbet-badge.gif
Fire Ants Supporters Celebrate

Spontaneous street parties were reported all over the colony shortly after the World Cup draw was announced... but why?

Have Northern Bettia been awarded an automatic qualification spot thanks to some alleged dirty under-the-table dealings? No.

Have they been placed into an easy group where it would just be a matter of turning up and helping themselves to three points? No, although many people here would say otherwise thanks to their highly nationalistic (some would say arrogant) views.

So why then? What is it that has your average Joe so excited?

The answer is simple - Jeruselem are coming to town, and you know what that means, don't you? Dazza Dallas, the world's favourite mobile sperm bank, will be gracing Sakura Park and the nation's TV screens with her smouldering presence, although she already does grace many men's screens thanks to her numerous - ahem - productions.

One slightly-sozzled jubilant supporter staggering around on the streets of Anyuna yesterday told the Observer "Oh this is f**kin' amazing. That Dazza's a choice bit of strumpet, ain't she? Her and that hot daughter of hers - whatsername, Kate - they're like, my favourite two-tissue fantasy! Mind you, that Dinkie girl's not 'alf bad neither!"

Northern Bettia have been drawn into Group 7 for this, their fourth assault on the World Cup, and once again it looks like they'll have a tough job on their hands, with three world-class teams fighitng for just two automatic qualifying spots. Apart from a final day showdown in Jeruselem, the Fire Ants and their vociforous supporters can look forward to a return trip to Quakmybush, scene of their Baptism of Fire triumph.

Other opponents waiting in the pipeline for the fire Ants are St Samuel, a team who could perhaps cause an upset or two, and Patusan, a nation who are even nastier than Northern Bettia if reports compiled by those UN busybodies are anything to go by.




Fixtures / Results

MD..OPPONENT...............VENUE...RESULT

Qualifying Group 9

01: Trumanistan............HOME....
02: Quakmybush.............Away....
03: St Samuel..............HOME....
04: Noirthemme.............Away....
05: Planting...............HOME....
06: Patusan................Away....
07: Jeruselem..............HOME....
08: Trumanistan............Away....
09: Quakmybush.............HOME....
10: St Samuel..............Away....
11: Noirthemme.............HOME....
12: Planting...............Away....
13: Patusan................HOME....
14: Jeruselem..............Away....

Az-cz Scroll
Az-cz
Il-Lur

Predictions for free

Well last cup I predicted the champion exactly right from the beginning. It was clear from the start that Bettia was the best team. So I've developed a good sense for when Bettia has the goods. But since I don't think Bettia will repeat as champs let's see how my sense holds up with other teams.

Like always we'll start in our group. The top three teams in the group are all stalwarts of the baseball field. Like in baseball we lead the way, with Zwangzug and Qazox close behind. All things considered we can't be too displeased with them as the second and third seeds. Both are solid sides, but neither of them are truly great teams, never having made a second round. Behind them is a bunch of nondescript teams, most without international experience of a real sort following the bizarre Baptism of Fire. From the group of Cookesland, Candelaria and Marquez, Sorthern Northland, Collonie, and Kedalfax only Candelaria and Marquez seem to be any sort of threat, but they also seem to be a bunch of flaming speciest so we'll all be rooting like hell they do poorly. Anyways us and Zwangzug will qualify comfortably with Qazox unpressured for third place.

Now over to the group of the defending champs, Bettia, in group five. The second seed in the group is Bazalonia. As those are two of our closest friends in the cup we hope both sides will live up to their seeds. Bettia showed their fine form in dispatching us 3-2 in our friendly. We hope the Bazalopes are recovered from the stunning blow we delivered last cup. Green Wombat is the third seed and seem to have replaced Northern Caesarea as the inexplicably succesful team. Spruitland and Dance 2 Revolution are big names from the past lurking in the group. In other words the bottom three of Kansiov, TT Lake Side, and Shackfold are toast. Don't expect any changes here.

Heading over to group seven we find Ariddia the team who eliminated us last cup and current second place team. Turori is the second seed but I think Acapais will once again improve and take second place behind Ariddia. Vephrall showed some athletic ability in the baseball and New Montreal States has played in a championship game so both could be dangerous, but don't expect them to move into the top three. Lovisa, Niosis, and ARealAdvance make up the numbers.

Next up we'll look at group eight, which features a number of nations that are quite familiar with us. Demot, and Western Afghanistan are bothl opponents we faced last cup. Demot is a close friend and rival, who we once again got the better of last cup. And Western Afghanistan is a quickly improving nation, if their laws are a bit draconian. Oliverry is a team we've faced multiple times, with them always seeming to get the better of us, regardless of comparitive rank. Those are the teams we expect to take the top three spots with Oliverry suprising Demot for first and Western Afghanistan in third. That leaves The Hurd, the three seeds out in the cold. Novapsolu is the team that we have the highest expectations for from the bottom half but we don't think any of them will push towards the top.

Group nine, like many of the groups has four teams pushing towards the playoffs. Jeruselem leads the way and will qualify like they always do. Quakmybush, our friends and former co-hosts will recover to take second place and Northern Bettia will just hold off St. Samuel for third. I don't think any of the bottom four will make any difference to the race.

Group two, sees Milchama rivals on the pitch and whipping boys on the diamond. There are a number of big names who will be chasing them. Sel Appa, The Islands of Qutar and Yafor 2 are all former qualifiers in their group and Keyne Island and Kura-Pelland look like strong up and coming nations. Expect the warriors and Turtles to stay strong in their spots, with Keyne Island snacking on the third spot in a suprise.

Group 10 is where Elves Security Forces lie. They've truly become one of the best teams in recent cups and are a big threat to break through the Bettia-Ariddia combo of late. Tynelia, Assegai Developments, and Aurendia are the other former qualifiers in their group. Expect those teams in that order to finish as the next three teams. Kampfers is actually the fourth seed, but just have never been that impressive, even when winning. The Sons of Monkey's players have funny names, but that does not a winning side make.

Group 4 finds Squornshelous, a team who struggled last cup, and a team we'll be meeting again in a friendly later this cup. They have to feeling fortunate that Fmjphoenix is the second seed, a team who's best days are behind them. Squornshelous should be able to hold on to first with that, and expect Kiryu-shi to finally bust into the cup in second place. Furthermore Atheistic Right will move into the playoff spot as Fmjphoenix slips down to fourth.

We'll next inspect group six, which sees a resurgent Vilita side on top of the pile, and an always dangerous Alasdair I Frosticus side in second. The third and fourth seeds are Sativaville and Ulzaxid respectively. Neither of those are very good sides with the Sativaville team still just drifting along in a fog and the Ulzaxid's not finding ways to compensate for their self imposed physical limitations. British Londinium is our pick to rise up and snatch third place in this group which will be dominated by the top.

Group one features Schiavonia and Rejistania, the top teams in our group back in World Cup 31 when we first qualified. We think they'll finish in their current seed order, just as they did back then, and the team playing our role will be Estresse Intenso, much to the anguish of those in Cafundeu. Swilatia proved dangerous last cup, but we don't expect a repeat performance and the rest of the teams are undistinguished.

Group 11 is home to Errinundera and The Lowland Clans. The third seed is Bostopia, hoping to recover from a horrendous run of qualifiers last time around. Bushes Been Quaked and Abu Omar are relatively decent puppets, but if Bostopia plays like they should then they won't pressure the top three. In an upset I say Bostopia passes The Lowland Clans for second leaving the Clansmen in the playoffs.

The last group features the maddening monks of the Archregimancy. Four strong teams are chasing. Wentland leads the pack. Two Korean teams are actively involved with Commerce Heights JSY and Daehanjeiguk, the current Baptism of Fire champs, charging hard. Jariss, the second place team in the Baptism of Fire last cup are also a dangerous threat. Expect the top two teams to stay as they are, with Daehanjeiguk making good on their potential coming through in third.

The six teams we expect to come through the playoffs are:

Turori, Western Afghanistan, Northern Bettia, Estresse Intenso, The Lowland Clans, Assegai Developments

As for the cup proper, we'd love to pick the Gnomes to go out on top. With all of the talent we're losing this cup it may be a while before we get close again. But I just don't see it happening. While I think the 3-7-0 is dangerous, in the end good teams can make you pay for not having a striker. So while I think we'll make the second round that's about all.

Here's a look at the last sixteen:

Az-cz, Bettia, Ariddia, Demot, Jeruselem, Milchama, Elves Security Forces, Tynelia, Squornshelous, Alasdair I Frosticus, Schiavonia, Northern Bettia, Errinundera, the Archregimancy, Commerce Heights, Cafundeu

My early guess at the final eight extends the Audioslavian curse for a lot of us:

Bettia, Ariddia, Jeruselem, Elves Security Forces, Alasdair I Frosticus, Schiavonia, the Archregimancy, Commerce Heights

I think only Jeruselem will get through with us and Milchama falling down again. The final four will be interesting to no one, with the top two teams and the Elves all advancing. I think Commerce Heights at home will be the fourth team. And here's how I expect the final four to end up:

4. Commerce Heights
3. Elves Security Forces
2. Bettia
1. Ariddia

The Elves will once again beat Commerce Heights in a third place matchup and Ariddia will truly carve themselves in the elite by reversing last cups final and winning their third title. I really wish it wasn't so, but that's just how I see things progressing.

SONS OF A MONKEY GAZETTE
July 22 2007

The Rogue Nations of The Sons of a Monkey WC Campaign

Report by Amanda Hugginkiss

For the first time in history, The Monkeys are in the WC qualifying tournament. A late replacement for a team whose country disintegrated into the Black Sea, The Monkeys have put together a team full of youth and experience. Most of the players have played in top leagues in europe but have been mostly reserve squad and backup players. This will be their first foray onto the grand world stage of football. It will be their duty and honour to represent us in the finest traditions of our great nation.

The Monkeys manager Madonna Cantsingh has stated already that they fear no-one and will be prepared to match fire with fire in any contest they are put in. The draw for the World Cup has been made and Tynelia, Assegai Developments, and Aurendia are all in their group but the team that they really need to beat is the Elves Security Forces. They are one of the favourites for the tournament and to get a result off of them in our home match will be something to aim for.

Hopefully the teams first attempt at qualifying for the World Cup will be a great learning experience and they will be able to show the world how good Monkey football can be.

Jeruselem Government News

Kate Dallas calendar released!

No, it's not nude one - she's not a full adult yet. Nothing like her mother's previous calendars, it's pretty tame. There's two bikini shots in it but that's the worst on this one, the rest are Kate Dallas as teenager in funny places in Jeruselem. Most of the photos are actually home photos taken by her mother, who is very good at taking photos.

It's mainly aimed at teenage market although we suspect older adults will buying it too. Now, there's one of her dressed as a Princess - which is interesting. She's dating the Crown Prince of Jeruselem, so maybe it's clue what's Kate Dallas is going to be doing when she becomes an full adult.

I know the Dallas clan pretty well and she's pretty much like her mother except she's a little more stable. Looking at the calendar, she's got her mother's looks but I think she'll be taller than her mother due to the father. The body shape is there so expect her to be looking very adult by 18.

I see the Northern Bettians have a keep interest in Dazza and Kate Dallas. In contrast, the Bettians are worried about Dazza and Kate in Gog-land. Tells you a lot about two nations, one honourable and other full of louts looking for a bit of skirt (and a few tissues). I'd worry about Dazza in Northern Bettia, since the only time I see Dazza covered is in Winter in Ariddia.

OK, the new World Cup 36 calendar which isn't the Kate Dallas will have Dazza in the cover as expected. For some reason, World Cup calendars sell a lot faster if the Bike is on the cover ... we know why. My spies at the Jeruselem FA say, this time - it's going to be triple treat. Dazza, Kate and Dinkie! So those Gogs will be using lots of tissues ...

Wayne Wastle

With the matches set up and teams getting prepared people are already throwing out their predictions with Oliverry and Demot leading the way in group 8. The Empire of Kristovenia had a decent showing last time around and have been working extremely hard to improve themselves. They began a strict training routine only a week after returning from World Cup 35 and have been going non-stop in order to prepare for what they are hoping is going be a marvelous tournament. The world believes that Kristovenia is not capable of taking on higher ranked teams such as Oliverry and Demot, but there will be some surprizing upsets this year and with some serious skill, determination, and a little luck Kristovenia will soar up in the ranks this year!!

The VFR has released a list of venues to be used for Vephrall home matches in World Cup 36 qualifying. They are as follows:

Ariddia - Ellime Cunerfit
Turori - Ellime Apenbast
Acapais - Liskis Paeteed
Lovisa - Ellime Tretriggons
Niosis - Douthasser Ellime e Custles
ARealAdvance - Wytonoi
New Montreal States - a bit of grass in rural northwestern Seibeng

Stadium details:

Douthasser Ellime e Custles (http://i15.tinypic.com/5374r4w.png)
Capacity: 42,109
Location: Custles, Calamen (map (http://img169.imageshack.us/img169/8589/1733if7.png))
Home club: Custler FE

Ellime Apenbast
Capacity: 66,218
Location: Netlas, Sumbobor
Home club: Netler FE

Ellime Tretriggons
Capacity: 59,187
Location: Knolees, Shentarong
Home club: Stithis FE

Ellime Cunerfit (http://i13.tinypic.com/4z0ymgw.png)
Capacity: 71,119
Location: Flaarickug, Shentarong
Home club: CE e Flaarickug

Liskis Paeteed
Capacity: 60,084
Location: Penuls, Riestre
Home club: Penuler OC

Wytonoi
Capacity: 38,912
Location: Defae, Salle
Home club: Terabits CE

A bit of grass in rural northwestern Seibeng
Capacity: However many you can fit within viewing distance of the pitch
Location: About 90 km southwest of Fenstus, Dettune
Home club: None
Notes: We've heard about the violence New Montreal States supporters have committed in the past after watching their team play abroad. So we aren't taking any chances, and are hosting them in an open field 90 kilometers from the nearest city. Don't worry, the "venue" will be easy to find, visible from National Road 4.

"Coach Masterson, i have some disturbing news that i think you need to hear."
Tynelian Soccer Federation president Niles Nimmore said somberly.

"What is it?" Masterson replied, "I need to get the team ready for today's match."

"Well, i don't know how to sugarcoat this but, the Az-cz press has picked us to reach the final 16 this time."

"Dammit, they're trying to jinx us again. Everytime they pick us to do that we get stomped in the group play."

"But Jay, last time they didn't and it was the worse showing yet. 1 point."

"C'mon Niles, everyone knows that was the WC27 class curse that time. All we had to do was beat Qazox but as the only one of us with a shot the curse was forced to give Qazox the win. Its like a double rebound reinforcement or something."

"I know that Jay, i'm just saying, we did better when they did pick us."

"No you forget the other thing. We're going to be up against Bettia again."

"Why's that Jay?"

"The curse Niles, when Az-cz picks us we face the number one team in the world. Krytenia the first time, Arridia the second..."

"BUt Arridia wasn't number one..."

"They were when they won it so it fits. I'm really sick of losing to Bettia..."

"Well maybe we'll avoid them, you know, we never played them when Az-cz picked us after all."

"Hmm maybe you're right Niles. Well i have to get going, don't tell the team about the pick." Masterson concludes leaving the room rapidly as Niles' final comment goes unheard.

"Jay, it's in all the papers...oh nevermind..."

Capitalizt SLANI internal memo
From: Alejandro Bolúfero

According to a senior archimandrite, speaking on condition of anonymity, “it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a citizen of the United Capitalizt States to enter the Kingdom of Heaven.”

The first problem is, how do we know that he’s an archimandrite if he won’t tell us who he is?

The second is, who cares if he’s an archimandrite?

The third is, of course, that the “United Capitalizt States” that he speaks of do not exist, as our states are, of course, unified.

The fourth is, of course, that the Unified Capitalizt States do not have citizens. As any educated person knows, the idea that the government should keep registries of all of its subjects was abandoned long ago.

And fifth, surely the archimandrite is aware of the two hundred meter long steel needle built in the middle of the Manhattanite desert, which camels often discover and pass through with ease?

So, you see, we will have much work to do if we hope to help these monks find the truth. Please be prepared to present any ideas you have on this matter at the creative meeting on Tuesday.

New Qazian Press

Special Editoral from Hank Reginald, Professor Emiritus, Univeristy of Qazox-Las Vitas, History.


Well it is that time once again. The World Cup Qualifers are just around the corner and once again, the international press is saying that Qazox will fizzle out.

I can't help but agree with them. With the exception of WC28 qualifiers, even numbered Cups seem to send the national team into a coma. WC30? we finshed 6th, despite being a 3 seed. WC32? 5th despite being a 3-seed. An WC34? despite beign a 2-seed, we finish 4th.

So i'm here to make a prediction about the BLACK OXEN. I don't give a darn that they changed the name. The even number curse will strike again, and I got proof.

In ancient Qazia, the number 3 was lucky, but when an even number was paired with it, bad things happened. For example when King Singa-un fought the wild tribes of Gretth in 923, his troops numbered 3,500, but then a force of 100 tribemen came at the last minute, making it 3,600 and the Qazians were beaten. 36 just happens to be the number of this Cup, and like King Sgna-un, Qazox will lose.

Taking a look at other teams in the group, based on my research into their culture's lucky numbers and such:

Az-cz: 36 has always been a histroically lucky number for the gnomish people, so they will win the Cup.

Candelaria And Marquez: 36 is a lucky number from the ancient Canders but an unlucky number from the old Marqes, so they will do ok.

Cookesland: 36 is the number of Seantors they have in the legislature, so they will do well.

Kedalfax: The country is 36 years old as of this cup, so they will do well.

Sorthern Northland: They were in group 3 of 6 during the BoF and won it, so the team might do good.

Zwangzug: had 3rd best record at the WBC and 6 is a unlcuky number there, so they will not do as well.

So my predictions for this group:
Az-cz- Direct qualifer
Kedalfax- Direct qualifer
Zwangzug- Playoff Qualifer
QAZOX
Sorthern Northland
Candelaria And Marquez
Cookesland


The New Qazian Press takes no responsibilty of any of our editoral speech and does not abide by the writing above.

(ooc: Prof. Reginald has a rather unique interpretation of history in general, Qazoxian history and of other nations' history. That's why he makes very little sense and his facts are just a little bit off.)

(ooc2: I really hope the Professor is very wrong)

Demot Daily ~ Stepping Stones

Hello there Demotians, and welcome to another round of World Cup qualifying. For the past twenty-four years, Jasmine Olyvander has covered the Dynamo wherever they may play, in AOCAFS, World Cups, or Cup of Harmonies, however last year she decided to retire at the ripe age of 64, after forty years of reporting for this paper, and we all will miss her personality and grace she brought to this choatic profession. With her post vacated, I have risen to her station and hope to provide you all with the same in-depth coverage and analysis that Jasmine was able to provide with her time here. As it is, the Dynamo are on the brink of beginning another qualifying campaign, and despite what would consider by many of the faithful as a flop last Proper, Masteron has decided to keep the same exact roster from two years ago. While the squad performed quite well in the qualifiers, they were unable to defeat Az-cz on the last matchday to move into the last sixteen and broke their streak of two Cups of progressing into the knockout stage of the tournament, and saw them drop from a top ten nation to merely a top fifteen.

Despite this drop in rank, the squad did get a first seed in the draw, where they will meet the frenchies of Oliverry, Western Afghanistan where three DPL teams recently competed in the AO Champions League, robotic maniace of the HURD, then the unkowns of Canelandic Islands, Kirstovenia, Simbabway and Novapsolu. Given the relative weakness of the HURD and the lesser ranked squads, the Dynamo ought to have no problem in progressing, and likely in first place as Oliverry do not have the history of taking top honors in the group phase, where as the Dynamo do. Western Afghanistan should prove much more than the HURD and the other low ranked squads could handle, and should take the playoff spot, perhaps merely on goal differntial. Regardless, the Dynamo will still have to take the squads seriously so they don't let their talent be upset and become the next Fmjphoenix.

The squad had a tournament last month where they vied with Assegai Developments, Bostopia, and Elves Security Forces, and though the squad did not perform admirabely, they showed signs of improvements yesterday when they defeated The Lowland Clans one to nil in a home friendly. Lea Conner got the goal in the twenty-first minute when she bruoght down a square ball from Stark and volleyed it past the keeper, coming in off the far post. Neither squad could find the back of the net again, but the Dynamo had their chances, with two coming off the crossbar in the last ten.

Schedule
PQF: Demot v The Lowland Clans 1-0
MD1: Oliverry v Demot
MD2: Western Afghanistan v Demot
MD3: Demot v Shmibabway
MD4: Novapsolu v Demot
MD5: Demot v Kristovenia
MD6: The Canelandic Islands v Demot
MD7: Demot v The HURD
mid-qualifying friendlies
MD8: Demot v Oliverry
MD9: Demot v Western Afghanistan
MD10: Shmibabway v Demot
MD11: Demot v Novapsolu
MD12: Kristovenia v Demot
MD13: Demot v The Canelandic Islands
MD14: The HURD v Demot

Predictions
Demot
Oliverry
Western Afghanistan
HURD
The Canelandic Islands
Novapsolu
Kristovenia
Shmibabway

Article by Trevor Winston

RP cutoff for Matchday 1

Matchday 01 Scores (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12898542&postcount=3)

Official Kura-Pelland side for opening game

Goalkeeper: #22 Scott WALSH
Defenders: #2 Jack WILLIAMS, #4 Graeme VEGA, #12 Johnny SHARPE, #15 Alan GRAHAMS
Defensive midfielders: #7 Giorgio PEZZONI, #6 Walter TENSEN
Attacking midfielders: #8 Matthias GELLEN, #16 Clive TOWNSEND, #9 Neil FORREST
Striker: #11 Jamie KIRKLEES

Official report from ntvsport.kp

Kura-Pelland made a proud but unsuccessful World Cup qualification debut with a 3-2 defeat to top-32 side Sel Appa.

Sel Appa led from the sixth minute to the final whistle but always looked vulnerable in defence as Kura-Pelland displayed their attacking credentials against a side whose own sharpness in attack merely diverted attention from severe defensive naivety.

In a frantic opening spell in which the home side set out to entertain the 32,000-strong crowd at NativeZone by destroying the inexperienced Kura-Pellandi side, both teams created chances.

In just the third minute a mistake by Bernard Apple allowed Jamie Kirkless to go in on goal, but his chipped shot was tipped over by Vasily Kashchenko. From the resultant corner, Giorgio Pezzoni's header was cleared off the line by Jimmy Peech, and Sel Appa immediately launched a blazing counter-attack which ended with Miquelinho hitting the post.

In the sixth minute, Sel Appa did gain the breakthrough, Colin Patette intercepting a long pass from Pezzoni and instantly running 30 yards past two defenders before delivering a simple square pass for Miquelinho to slot the ball in the bottom-left corner.

The goal rattled Kura-Pelland, and the match appeared over in the 14th minute when Sel Appa scored another goal. Patette won the ball with a well-timed tackle and instantly delivered a lofted through pass of the highest calibre, which Alan Dubrov chested down before unleashing a thunderous 30-yard shot which caught Scott Walsh out of position.

Complacency seemed to be the only possible enemy for Sel Appa at this point, and to the pleasant surprise of the 2,500 travelling fans it did indeed kick in. A casual sideways pass in defence was intercepted by Clive Townsend, who then sidestepped Kash Vasou before beating Vashchenko with a well-placed low shot.

More chances were created, with both goalkeepers forced into fine saves, but Sel Appa still seemed utterly confident at half-time without ever really justifying it.

They went some way towards justifying it with a third goal on the hour, Dubrov feeding Estevez with a through pass to leave the latter with a tap-in. But two minutes later a sense of urgency was enforced when Townsend again intercepted a sloppy pass in defence, this time playing the ball wide to Matthias Gellen who crossed for Jamie Kirklees to score with a header. Kura-Pelland threw efforts into attack, sacrificing Walter Tensen for Brian Hugill, but Sel Appa belatedly tidied up their defence and there were no more goals.

'Typical that we played really well against a team who were pretty much on another level and really showed it,' lamented Kirklees after the game. 'We didn't ashame ourselves though, and if we play that well against less stellar opposition we'll beat them.'

'I don't think there are many teams who could have stopped this team from scoring three today. But we've proven that we are capable of creating and taking chances, and I think we can be one of the most successful World Cup debutants. That was always our goal and it remains so,' said manager Andy Woolworth.

http://img46.imageshack.us/img46/7234/lbgnewsgv0.png

BL victorious 3-1

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/44014000/jpg/_44014549_mccarthy_203.jpg
Goalkeeper Colbert Tafani

The Londinian national team crushed the Limbrogidlian team in the first round of the WC 36 qualifiers.

The Limbrogidlians received the kickoff, expertly weaving the football past the front lines of the Londinian defence, only to have Sinclair punt the ball deep into the other side of the pitch, where team captain James Yossarian scored the first point of the match, only minutes in.

Twenty minutes later, the Limbrogidlians scored their only goal for the match, experiencing little resistance from Tafani, who was, unfortunately, being chased around by a rapid porcupine, who was shot nine times by the Kensington Metropolitian Police; neither the constabulary nor the porcupine have chosen to speak to the press.

At halftime, the score was 1-1, with little progress in sight. However, seventeen minutes into the second half, forward Ajeet Prasad barreled through the Limbrogidlian team, scoring British Londinium's second goal, but was given a yellow card when he, in a fit of uncontrolled glee, kneed Limbrogidlian defence player Aaron Parker in the testicular region.

Finally, with precisely three minutes and fifty four seconds left in the match, Ben Serrant scored the third goal by using a streaker who was running through the field as a battering ram to plow through the defence.

Story from LBG NEWS:
http: //news.lbg.co.rsp/go/pr/fr/-/2/hi/sport/6909995.stm

Published:03:53:02 LST

© LBG MMXII

In their first match of World Cup 36 Kristovenia had defeated the favoured Western Afghanistan handily 3-0. Although there were tense moments where the Afghans pushed hard Kristovenia proved to be too much with goals from Sulla in the 15th and 59th minutes and a late goal by Alexander III in the 89th minute. Tempers flared just at the end of the first half as a clean tackle by Ptolemy somehow resulted in a yellow card. Players from both teams were at each others throats but were lucky the official did not give any more cards.

Kristovenia is hoping to have another stellar performance in its next match to prove once again that they are not going to be the pushover they were believed to be.

Hayley Reanfeld, new reporter for Channel 9 turned round, her bare feet squelching in the rain-softened mud path as she did so. She was preparing for a news report on celebrations in Fort Boston Park following Bostopia’s 5 – 1 win over Thelema Abbey just an hour earlier.

She noted that when the cameras rolled, what would be behind her was a shot of the lake in the middle of the park, and the trees on the far side. There were groups of fans all over the green fields, though these were quickly turning to mud in the steady rain. Most of the fans were decked out in the countries colours in some shape and form, whether it was due to them wearing the team’s kit or body paint. At least it made things easier to find a group of fans from Fenton State.

A boat roared past on the lake, heading downstream on the River Ranton. The white speedboat – again with flashes of red and blue – had the Bostopian Naval Jack fluttering from the back of the boat, while the 20 years old or so passengers onboard scrambled to find cover. Another bunch of rich kids “sharing” in the patriotism following a win in a sport they probably didn’t even respect, let alone enjoy watching. They’d have stuck around celebrating with the “common folk” if they had.

Hayley shook her head and turned around. The 26 year old reporter hadn’t had it that easy at home – her family being relatively poor, but a combination of her brains and Governmental support to get her through Grammar school and University on the back of grants had meant she’d been able to use her talent and get ahead. Things were good at the moment for her. Her boyfriend of four years, Damon, was always there for her when she came home after a late night, and was able to pick her mood up – in more ways than one – after a tough day at work.

Hayley turned to face the camera, as she could heard Jamie Parriff in her earpiece.

“And now with this live report from Fort Boston Park, Hayley Reanfeld”

Hayley smiled as the light on the camera turned red, immediately creating an image that viewers were comfortable with, and would be focused on.

“Thank you Jamie. Yes I’m in Fort Boston Park today, with Castle Lake behind me, as thousands of Bostopia fans celebrate their 5 – 1 victory over Thelema Abbey tonight. As you can see, though the sun has gone down, the authorities have – as usual – put up floodlights so the party can continue long into the morning.”

Hayley heard a boisterous set of fans coming toward her and spoke up.

“The fans here are almost as disruptive on the usual peace and quiet in this park as Bostopia’s strikers were against the Thelema Abbey defense tonight. A hat trick from Aleksander Cripps and two goals from Harry Auderrie put Bostopia cruising toward a 5 – 0 victory, but a late lapse in defense let Thelema Abbey claw one back, but a smile and a shrug from former Channel 9 colleague Kelly Firth told the story – it didn’t matter one bit.”

The fans were now stood behind Hayley, chanting “We are top of the league, sing we are top of the league!”

“As you can hear behind me, Bostopia has indeed gone top of the table, plus four on goal difference to Errinundera’s plus two. Kilmarnockshire are third on plus one goal difference, after a win over Bushes Been Quaked. The Lowland Clans, hosts of the last World Cup drew against Rugiero 1 – 1.”

The fans dispersed as Hayley came to the end of her piece.

“Bostopia of course play their next game against The Lowland Clans, and Kelly will be hoping to build on this victory. From Fort Boston Park, Fort Boston, this is Hayley Reanfeld, reporting for Channel 9.”

Official declaration from the President of Estresse Intenso - Live at Acropolis, the country's capital

"I, Gilberto Cerqueira, president of Estresse Intenso, the real president, not the president of the Landau Institute, want to give good luck to the doctors of the Landau Institute who are representing our beloved country in the World Cup 36 qualifiers. Although the general view of the population, and mine view too, is that the Landau Institute uses the name of our country without truly representing it, as they don't use players that live outside the Institute, and there are good players living in the other parts of the country, we need to understand that only the Institute has conditions to prepare a football team for such an important competition, as the situation in the country is too difficult to give us time to prepare other things."

(A bomb explodes in a building near the place where the president is talking)

"Protect me, protect me! Now, continuing, we can hate the Institute, but now the country has the opportunity to play a competition in our enemies' country, Cafundéu. Showing our football force there can be useful to show that the Republic is much better than the Monarchy, and that our socialist views are better than their capitalist views - (one of the guards protecting Cerqueira is killed) - Please someone comes to substitute him! Well, as I was saying, putting our National Team in the list of the thirty-two best of the world will be important to try to create a socialist revolution in Cafundéu. I know that there are many defenders of the republic, including my friend Olivier Derrod, we just need more friends to start the political change there. And the best time will be during this World Cup."

(A huge missile flies in the sky. Seconds after, everybody can hear a big explosion)

"They hit what? The Dino's Gang headquarters? Who sent the missile? Oh, I know. What to you want? I can do nothing, they have more power in the city than me, as they have the protection of the office buildings. Let's go to a safer place."

(The president goes to another place, and the camera follows him)

"And we also would want to say to the citizens of Az-cz that we will be representing the socialism in our group. After all, Estresse Intenso is a place of brotherhood..."

(One man appears running in front of the camera. Soon after, three men run after him, and start to hit him with baseball bats)

"...a place of social equalty..."

(A carriage appears near the place where the president is. The camera films it. The carriage is pulled by two men and two women, with almost no clothes. Inside the carriage, there is a president of an office buildings, the elite of Estresse Intenso. He waves to the camera and the president)

"...a place of compassionate people..."

(A person comes and step over a beggar who was sleeping on the road)

"...a place of justice..."

(The men with the baseball bats stop hitting the other man and leave the place. The police officers who were protecting the president only look at them, but return to talk about what they ate in the morning)

"...and a place of freedom!"

(A woman leaves one of the buildings running. A guard shouts from inside the building "You cannot leave this place. You have a contract with us!")

"These things make Estresse Intenso a special places, with happy and healthy citizens!"

(A man wearing a skirt kneels down in the road and shouts "This is Devil's house! He'll appear to finish the world! This horrible place must be destroyed!" Minutes after, a Landau Institute van takes him)

"And that's why we are better than those futile people of Cafundéu! And we will show this in this World Cup. Thanks for hearing me."

Jeruselem Government News

Katey girl's World Cup round-up for Match day 1

Hello, this is Kate Dallas! I'm taking over Mum's job writing up the World Cup results for JGN. She's busy coaching so little Dazza is taking over. Excuse the French, I'm Ariddian, I spend a lot of time in Ariddia so a lot of French creeps on.

Group 7
New Montreal States 0–0 Ariddia

Group with Ariddia - who played the returning New Montreal States. Two Frenchies playing together - and guess what? It was a draw, a boring NIL ALL draw. I expected Ariddia to win this but maybe they are just being nice to the Paladins. Not the start we expect from Ariddia.

Group 5
Spruitland 2-1 Bettia

Oo la la! Oh Betty! Bettia lost! The Aroras went crashing down against the Bunnies from Spruitland TWO ONE. Well, that's turn-up. Bettia lose their first World Cup 36 game and the world will be asking, are Bettia upto the task? With Ariddia drawing, the top 2 stumble in their first hurdles. Bettia should recover, but are they the same team from World Cup 35?

Group 4
Billopesha 0–3 Jeru FC

Oh mon Dieu! Oh mon Dieu! Oh mon Dieu! I can't believe - Jeru FC won their first official World Cup game. Looks like my Mum did teach the team something when they came 2nd in Oxen CUp 2. THREE NIL win! Well, Kate Bush must be happy with being the first Jeru FC coach win a World Cup game. Fantastic start for the army boys. I heard they were so motivated when they all got my calendar, which doesn't even have nudity in it.

Group 3
Candelaria and Marquez 2–2 Qazox

Slow start for the Pheonix (had to turn off spell checker), with a 2 ALL draw. Saying that the team from Candelaria and Marquez aren't crap so but for the Oxen (damn, not again) - err Pheonix, it's a slow start but then looking at Bettia and Ariddia - it's not the worst way to start.

Group 9
Noirthemme 0–2 Jeruselem
Planting 0–3 St Samuel
Patusan 0–5 Quakmybush
Northern Bettia 4–0 Trumanistan

All the big teams won in our group. The top 4 beat the bottom 4. The Gogs beat up on Trumanistan and thumped them like Gogs do. FOUR NIL is good starting win and well, we'll face them twice on match day 7 and 14. They have started well.
The team Mum calls "Quack my bush" were not scared by cannibal-like folks from Patusan. A FIVE NIL win over the Patusan and they top the group on goal difference, and well Mum said the Quaks win make the finals. Looks like she might be right after all.

The fellow Crusaders from St Samuel chopped down some trees from Planting (bad joke). An easy THREE NIL win for the Crusaders, and well they aren't a team to dismiss at the moment. Two Crusader teams making the finals, it's possible.

And us. We play rubbish against french-sounding Noirthemme. Really, Mum wanted a big thumping win and all we did was scrape up a TWO NIL win. This make us 4th in the group on goal difference but everyone knows Jeruselem are slow starters. Katey girl is working hard for the team.

In summary, not good for our friends but all of Group 9 faves won. Bettia LOST and this will be big news.

Err, it's funny people run upto me thinking I'm Dazza Dallas. Doesn't bother me, as when Mum retired I'm taking over. The team needs a resident Dallas to flash the assets and wow the crowds.

Sur votre vélo! as Mum says. Bye.

Turtles Open Up with a Win

A sellout crowd filled the NativeZone to its capacity of 32,000. Around 3000 visitors came from Kura-Pelland, the opposing side. The match opened with Sel Appa in an early run, but the ball soon changed sides and in the third minute, a close call was delivered by Jamie Kirkless. Bernard Apple couldn't intercept the ball, but the Sel Appan keeper deflected the shot away, conceding a corner.

Opposing midfielder Giorgio Pezzoni, sent a header, built off the corner kick, towards the goal. However, Jimmy Peech intercepted it and started a Sel Appan counter-attack that first failed with a miss by Miquelinho. Colin Patette intercepted a pass and ran a third of the pitch before delivering an assist to Miquelinho, who scored a goal in the sixth minute.

Eight minutes later, a pass from Patette to Alan Dubrov delivered a goal from far down the field. At 2-nil, the match seemed over for Kura-Pelland before it even started. They worked hard, but just couldn't get past the Sel Appan defense for a goal. They finally received some fruit when Clive Townsend intercepted a defensive pass and slammed the ball low past Kashchenko.

At half time, the Turtles were confidently set in their 2-1 lead. Both sides had tried to score a lot in the first half, resulting in many close saves by the staunch goalkeepers Vasily Kashchenko for Sel Appa and Scott Walsh for Kura-Pelland.

Fifteen minutes into the second half, Dubrov led a pass that gave Estevez an easy shot for a third and final Sel Appan goal. A Kura-Pelland attack followed, but was halted until Clive Townsend intercepted a pass and sent the ball to Matthias Gellen, who crossed it to Jamie Kirklees, who scored Kura-Pelland's second and final goal with a header.

A late-game substitution sent out Brian Hugill for Walter Tensen. Sel Appa began withdrawing into a 4-4-2 more defensive format to keep their lead. When the final whistle was blown with a minute of stoppage time, the scoreline favored Sel Appa 3-2.


http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/sel%20appa.png Sel Appa -- 3
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/5/51/Soccerball_shade.svg/13px-Soccerball_shade.svg.png Miquelinho (6')
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/5/51/Soccerball_shade.svg/13px-Soccerball_shade.svg.png Dubrov (14')
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/5/51/Soccerball_shade.svg/13px-Soccerball_shade.svg.png Estevez (60')

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/kura-pelland.png Kura-Pelland -- 2
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/5/51/Soccerball_shade.svg/13px-Soccerball_shade.svg.png Townsend (38')
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/5/51/Soccerball_shade.svg/13px-Soccerball_shade.svg.png Kirklees (62')
Walter Tensen/Brian Hugill (75')

There was suppoed to be a match between Swilatia and Rejistania. No one could blame the organisators of the world cup for that. When Rejistania signed up, it obviously still existed. However, times are changing fast. The nation of Rejistania underwent several changes. Summarized the story is as follows: The Rejistanis agreed on the fact that their municipal governments collectively sucked and therefore went to the elections and 'disvoted', ie did not mark a candidate on their ballots. Inspired by the success of that, the Rejistanis realized that the central government really seemed to react to this and because many people were annoyed by the way the central government seemed not to represent them, they thought disvoting again was a god idea and the next kalesa had almost no valid votes. Allanea thought it was a great idea to seize control of the rejistani government because Sike was attempting to go medieval on the so-perceived anarchist revolution. They however left in a hurry when they found out about a virus which causes a subconscious telepathic connection to the people around you, who also are infected. For the allaneans this appeared like the formation of a hivemind, but since foreigners are at no risk since the virus needs special biological factors to exist they did not want to waste precious nukes on the nation. Rejistanians during the invasion however simply did no longer accept Sike as capital and started founding small independent states. Rejistania currently is not much but a loose federation between the states. More EU than USA, but without the bit about norming the curves of bananas.

As you can imagine, no Rejistania meant no place to play the match, didn't it? Well, of course it did not. KaMaRi might now be indepedant, but it still has the Estadije Sen-La-Sa~o Relekhati. Okay, Swilatian fans had to cross at least 3 national broders to reach the stadium, but they were rewarded by a good match: the Swilati national team and the rejistanian lasane fought well and hard. In the end no team prevailled and 2:2 was the final score.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/daehanjeiguk.pngDaehanjeiguk || 2 - 1 || Central Prestoniahttp://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Central%20Prestonia.png

The Imperial Team marks a first Victory!

http://www.afcasiancup.com/shared/media/images/KO_KORvIRN_01.jpg

It was a rousing atmosphere in Emperor Gojong Football Stadium, and the day started well for the Imperial Team as they took away a crucial yet expectedly easy 2-1 victory from Central Prestonia. The late goal from the visitors was a close chance to equalize, but the Imperial defense held strong against the tide.

The match was clearly for the Imperial Team from the start, as early chances managed to turn into early goals. It was an 8th minute goal by Yi Dongguk that sent the home side ahead, and the crowd was rousing a fury that had the stadium literally shaking from its foundations (geologists mistakenly interpreted the cheering fans for a 1.1 quake). After going ahead early, Yi Dongguk made another goal in the 39th minute, to leave the half at 2-0. The second half was rather disappointing considering the successes from the first half. Head Coach Cha Beomgeun later remarked, "We spoiled our chance early by slackingin the second half, when we could have gained more in goal difference for future games, when it will really matter." The Imperial Team nonetheless held strong against a resurging Central Prestonian strike. It yielded a single goal in the 75th minute, leaving the hosts somewhat concerned that the unranked team could set up an upset for the Imperial side. Stubborn defense and goalkeeping saved the team, and despite substitutions for Seo Jeongweon (Kim Byeongji) and Kim Daeeui (Kim Dohun), the score remained at 2-1. Still the crowds cheered wildly and their spirits were lifted high.

Today's win puts the Imperial team within reach of the coveted 3rd position, but the final match remains a long time away. In Group 12 today, matches continued the qualifiers reach, as the Imperial Team walked with two other victors: The Archregimancy and Jaseuyeon (자스연). Both teams finished with a confident 1-0 lead over their opponents - Cebuomopolis and Bellzantium respectively. The other match was a perhaps critical draw between Wentland and Jariss , at 0-0 each.

Ahead of the next match in Bellzantium, Head Coach Cha Beomgeun commented on the team's performance and tips that they received from watching the match replay: "We performed well in the first half, which was a shock to me, as we've traditionally been a very strong second half team. But today also showed that we can lag in the second half, so while I think the first half set up for the success that we've had here, it will also be key to our future matches to hold our second half more tightly... After watching the Bellzantium match, I think it's confident to say that they lack sufficient coverage on the field, and they tend to huddle around the ball, which means that any success for us means moving the ball and controlling it effectively when we do have the ball."

Man of the match - Yi Dongguk had few comments to say: "It was spectacular to watch those two shots go in. We've been practicing very hard to make our finishes count, and I'm very glad that our practice paid off in this match." The first qualifier victory in Hangyeong comes off a recent draw to Lovisa in Hangyeong, 1-1. Cha Beomgeun said the match was "healthy and a welcome invitation to prospecting our future matches against higher seeded teams.

Summary of Events:
8' - HAN Goal (#17)
39' - HAN Goal (#17)
75' - CPR Goal

Ahead of the next match in Bellzantium, Head Coach Cha Beomgeun has announced "no changes" to the current line up for the Imperial Team, saying further, "We started well, and I'd like to see where this layout will take us in the next match."

GROUP 12
Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Daehanjeiguk 1 1 0 0 2 1 1 3
2 The Archregimancy 1 1 0 0 1 0 1 3
3 Jaseuyeon 1 1 0 0 1 0 1 3
4 Jariss 1 0 1 0 0 0 0 1
5 Wentland 1 0 1 0 0 0 0 1
6 Bellzantium 1 1 0 0 0 1 -1 0
7 Cebumopolis 1 1 0 0 0 1 -1 0
8 Central Prestonia 1 1 0 0 1 2 -1 0

[OOC - with apologies to our Francophone nations, particularly Ariddia (and I do hope they see the intended comedy in the stereotypes).... do please read the following in a thick French accent]


"So, Jean Paul, against whom must we argue the superiority of our philosophy today?"

"It is some nation called 'Sativaville', Jean Yves... but why is the Imperial Hippodrome set out as a football field this afternoon?"

"Why not, Jean Paul? Can you think of anything more symbolic of the total meaningless of everyday existence that a football pitch? Life has no purpose. Football has no purpose. One merely provides the illusion of purposefullness in the other. Yet in the end, all is equally without meaning or truth. In this sense, the game of football provides an apt metaphor."

"On the contrary, Jean Yves, while I agree with you about the objective meaningless of everyday existence, I must reject your nihilistic despair, and stress that it is up to the individual to create meaning in their lives. In this way too football creates an apt metaphor for how the action and interaction of individuals creates meaning within a broader context, though that meaning may ultimately be entirely arbitrary."

"Pah. I reject your arguments with total contempt. I also cannot help but notice that you chain smoke Gauloises, which are naturally inferior to the Gitanes of the true philosopher."

"So Gitanes create meaning in your life, Jean Yves?"

"Of course not, Jean Paul. They merely give me a transient pleasure that momentarily holds the nothingness of life at bay. It is a little like our opponents today. Note how they smoke these 'reefers' - through the constant use of mind-altering substances, they hope to hold back the Dark. They are fools, for eventually entropy must always win."

"On the contrary, Jean Yves. Note what happens if I kick this ball past the supine heavily stoned form of our opponents. See how it enters the net. Does not the referee then signal that in so doing I have scored what is termed a goal for our side? Observe as I do this four more times..... The referee now signals that we have scored five goals. While I agree that this is in itself meaningless, observe further how the assembled crowd of thousands - here no doubt because of their love of philosophical debate - cheer. They have chosen to give the fact that we have scored more goals than our opponents meaning in their lives. The action may itself be meaningless, but meaning can be created by the action and decision of individuals. This is how we hold back dread, boredom, alienation, and nothingness - through an act of individual will."

"This is absurd, Jean Paul."

"I disagree, Jean Yves. Now observe as I pick up the ball with my hands and throw it at the referee. He has shown me a red card. By the rules which I have chosen to accept, I must now leave the field."

"But doing so is pointless, Jean Paul, for the game will still end. By your own admission, a football match which is in any case meaningless will cease. All action related to this purposeless charade will end. Entropy... but where are you going?"

"I have been shown a red card. I choose through an act of will to ascribe meaning to this action, and the meaning is that I must leave the field of debate."

"Pah! I see now that you are weak. You have chosen to accept the moral authority of another, to have others impose ethics on your actions, when in truth there is no morality as all existence is.... say... Mr. Referee... how much longer do we have to be arguing about this? Another 85 minutes? With the opposition stoned out of their minds. Merde. But we will win, no, so long as they sit there giggling and snacking upon those brownies? Yes? Right then.... I shall merely sit here smoking my Gitanes, safe in the knowledge that doing so is totally pointless and without meaning...."

Humble Beginnings

Squornshelous started off their qualifying attempt for World Cup Thirty-Six on a somewhat uncertain note, playing to a draw with Kiryu-Shi. Squornshelous looked somewhat rusty, and didn't put much of anything together until late in the first half. Kiryu-Shi were playing much more together, but individual performances, mostly on defense, saved the Pschychoes from falling hopelessly behind.

As it was, Squornshelous fell behind 24 minutes in when Gunnar Jonsson misjudged a corner kick, allowing one of the Kiryu strikers to get a solid head on it. Wirmann dove but he couldn't reach the ball, which was superbly placed. Squornshelous hung on doggedly until the half, and went to the dressing room down by one, leaving behind 75,000 very disappointed fans.

The Pschychoes came out looking much more polished in the second half, but Kiryu-Shi moved further ahead on a lucky play. Axel Tryggve stumbled while hanlding the ball near midfield and the Kiryu's pounced on it. Wirmann didn't have a chance. Squornshelous nearly went down by three a few minutes later, but a solid stop by Wirmann kept hope alive. Wirmann threw the ball out to Pauli Aimo, who started on the counter.

Aimo dribbled ahead, and then left a drop for Tryggve, who quickly played the ball down the wing for Dmitri Polokov. Polokov raced down to the corner and sent a cross into the box. The Kiryu keeper was able to get a fist to it, but Emil Jalmari was waiting and put the ball away to pull within one with twenty minutes remaining before stoppage time.

Fast forward fifteen minutes and you'd find a desperately attacking Squornshelan team struggling to penetrate a very defensive Kiryu formation. njord Fridtjof held the ball on the right wing, waiting until he drew a defender out. He sent a long cross for Jalmari, who controlled the ball quickly, and pulled a quick outside-inside move on the first defender. With a little bit of space, he sent a leading pass into the box for Pertti Vilho. As Vilho stepped forward to take the shot, he was pulled down by a defender who'd been caught off balance. The whistle sounded and the referee pointed to the penalty spot.

After a quick conference among themselves, the Pschychoes sent Vilho up to take the shot. He stepped up and quickly fired for the top corner, but the ball struck off the crossbar. Reacting quickly, Vilho gathered up the bouncing ball, and realized he didn't have a clean shot, since the keeper had recovered and was rushing him. He fed a quick pass across the box to Roman Svoboda that passed just under the keeper's arm. Svoboda would have had to try to miss the wide open net from so close, and he didn't. Two all with four minutes remaining.

Final Score:
Squornshelous 2-2 Kiryu-Shi

Squornshelous' Scorers:
Jalmari: 1
Svoboda: 1

Squornshelous' Qualifying Schedule:
wins losses draws
MD01: Squornshelous 2-2 Kiryu-shi
MD02: Homieville v Squornshelous
MD03: Squornshelous v Fmjphoenix
MD04: Squornshelous v Billopesha
MD05: Atheistic Right v Squornshelous
MD06: Squornshelous v Endmile
MD07: Jeru FC v Squornshelous
Friendly: Az-cz v Squornshelous
MD08: Kiryu-shi v Squornshelous
MD09: Squornshelous v Homieville
MD10: Fmjphoenix v Squornshelous
MD11: Billopesha v Squornshelous
MD12: Squornshelous v Atheistic Right
MD13: Endmile v Squornshelous
MD14: Squornshelous v Jeru FC

New Qazian Press

Pheonix Stumble to a Draw

The first qualifing match played under the new nickname of the Pheonix for Qazox didn't start well as the surprising Candelaria And Marquez jumped all over starting Keeper John Freel for two early goals in the first 15 minutes of play. C&M's Steven Fritz scored his country's first qualifing goal just 4 minutes in after Qazox' John Grunder was called for a hand ball just outside the penalty area. Fritz deflected Speed Wang's kick home and the sell-out crowd at Millerman Sheppard Stadium went nuts. The 2nd The Big Blues' goal came off of a misplayed thrown in when Hank Hunker headed the ball straight into the air and a stunning bicycle kick from Mamdooh Momtaz made it 2-0 just 15 minutes in. A couple of mnutes later a steady rain began to fall, slowing down the pace of play.

But just like the mythical creature they are now named after, the Pheonix managed to cut the lead down to 2-1 just before the half when Oleg Halcho surprisingly scored from 20 yards out when the ball took a unusual bounce, hydroplaning past Rueben Uwakwe in the 42nd minute.

The rain continued to pour down even harder int he second half, causing both sides to deter from the original gameplan, but the rain seemed to help Qazox in the 79th minute, when John Griffey, who was a 63rd minute sub for Greg Holden was tackled by Kieron Tomlinson. The ensuing fall and subsequent slide across the grass, seemed, at least from the Referee's point of view, to be a harder tackle than it really was, and a yellow card was given to Tomlinson. The C&M captain, Peter Waddington, appealed to no avail, and was given a yellow card as well. On the ensuing penalty kick, Griffey slipped it past Uwakwe's left hand and the match was tied 2-2. The last 16 minutes of play, which included 5 minutes of injury time, saw neither side press too hard, and the Pheonix escaped with a point they might not have earned.

Up next is a trip to Sorthern Northland, a team Qazox has seen live before, albeit in the 2nd Oxen Cup, but not played yet. SN stunned Collonie on the road 2-1 earlier today.


Match Summary:
4': Goal (C&M) Steven Fritz
14': Goal (C&M) Mamdooh Momtaz
35': YC (QZX) Oleg Halcho
42': Goal (QZX) Oleg Halcho
63': Sub (QZX) John Griffey for Greg Holden
78': YC: (C&M) Kieron Tomlinson
78': YC: (C&M) Peter Waddington
79': Goal (QZX) John Griffey (PEN)
82': Sub (C&M) Jos Cornelisse for O’Sullivan Caras
82': Sub (QZX) Kyle West for Ty Revee

Shots:
C&M: 8
Qazox: 9

Corners:
C&M: 6
Qazox: 4

FOULS:
C&M: 7
Qazox: 9

at the Flaggon Dragon...

<TV announcer: ...and that mercifully is the final whistle here from the Imperial Hippodrome as The Holy Empire stomps Sativaville 5-0.
Goal recap: Holy Empire: Jean Paul 1', 2', 3', 4', 5'.
Well I believe that the Potheads were existentialized and mystfied by the constant debate between the Holy Empire's squad. All the philosophical debate just seemed to confuse the team and despite a red card given to Jean Paul in the 5th minute after his amazing 5 goals, the team looke fundamentally lost out there. The next match is a home match against British Londinium. Hopefully the team will be a bit Sartre (ooc: sic) this time around.>

Police Chief Danner: Ha! they got killed just like i said they would.. time to but on that wedding dress!

Mayor Cremit: Hey they still got 3 more matches to go against the Holy Empire and Vilita, grant the HE cheated by using philosophical arguments against us, but when they come here, I'll have philosophy banned from the country!

Danner: Whatever, All I know is that you'll look queer as shite in the dress i got picked out for you.

Cremit: Ok whatever. 50 Weed Seeds says we beat British Londonium by 2 goals.

Danner: Fine here, I could always use the money.

The barkeep just shakes his head and walks away.

The Daily Quak
Well... That's A Good Start

The Quakmybush National Soccer Team began their 8th World Cup Qualifying Campaign with a match in Patusan. The Sharks we ready to bounce back from the last two cups, which have been rather... well, disappointing. The Sharks came out extremely ready to play, when in the 14th minutes Jon Fields found himself alone in the penalty area and struck the ball home, making no mistake. Making it a 1-0 Quakmybush lead. Then only seven minutes later, Cory Sorley tallied one into a yawning cage when the keeper mistimed a challenge, it was 2-0 Quakmybush. That was score going into the halftime break. The Sharks game out flying, when the ball rolled back to Chris Bricking who fired the ball, which found the net making it 3-0 Quakmybush. Then in the 71st minute Clifford Baker struck the ball hard, it had a wonderful bend on it, and found the back of the net, making it 4-0. Then in the 89th minute, just to make things better in the Goal Differential category, Jon Fields scored another goal, making it a 5-0 victory for Quakmybush.


Quakmybush - 5
Fields 14' 89' Sorley 21' Bricking 56' Baker 71'

Patusan - 0


Goal Scorers
Fields - 2
Sorley, Bricking, Baker - 1

Three Rivers Times
“News. In quaint paper form.”

Non-existent coaching grounds young Raptors in opener

TYNELIA – Send an inexperienced squad to an international tournament without any coaching, and one should expect losses against superior squads. As the Raptors opened World Cup 36 qualifying against Tynelia that is exactly what happened.

Having never played together as a unit, and with most of the team making their international debuts, the Raptors first-half play could best be described as awful. Tie-dyed jerseys frequently collided, while unopposed Tynelian forwards merrily pressed home the attack on beleaguered Raptor keeper Paul Marcellus. A mere ten minutes into the match, Tynelian forward Tina Conroy had earned herself a hat trick, much to the delight of the home crowd.

Rather than further press the advantage, Tynelia coach Jay Masterson had his squad pull back and play defensively. This was of course unnecessary, as most Raptor attacks fell apart anyways due to lack of a coherent plan on the part of Aurendian attackers. Passes were picked off, Raptors dribbled directly in defenders while teammates would streak off unnoticed, all leading to lazy Tynelia lobs back into the Aurendian end.

Shockingly, Tynelia’s Mandy Martin was denied the shut-out. With less than a minute remaining in the match a long clear from Marcellus boomed towards the Tynelia goal. Raptor midfielder Nikki Vitalia was able to get her head in the right place, redirecting the ball past Martin just seconds before the whistle blew.

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

The Post-Match Press Conference
Live from Cebumopolis

With Fr. John the Golden-Throated


"...disappointed with that performance today?"

"Not at all my New Montrealer friend. Some might think that winning one-nil on a disputed second half injury time penalty is somehow 'disappointing', but it is not for us to choose how God provides us with the victory - or indeed the loss. Who are we to question what He provides for us? You could also look at the result as an act of Christian charity on our part. We no doubt could have scored 6 but for some more clinical finishing, but would it be right to humiliate the weak? I would say not.

Next.... Yes.... the naked gnome...."

"Some in Az-cz are said to be disappointed by the Holy Synod's decision to pronounce anathema on our..."

"I'm sorry, but I have no need to field questions from anathemised soulless excommunicates. Next!"

"Have you read the press reports from the Unified Capitalizt States, Fr. John?"

"Which press reports would those be?"

"The ones stating that an anonymous archimandrite misspelled the UCS's name, and that a giant needle - through which a camel may pass with ease - exists in the UCS."

"One was an innocent mistake, and the other shows a worrying literalist lack of awareness of the power of metaphor on the part of the mammon-worshipping heathens. Let me quote 1 Timothy: 'For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out. And having food and raiment let us be therewith content. But they that will be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and hurtful lusts, which drown men in destruction and perdition. For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows. But thou, O man of God, flee these things; and follow after righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, meekness.' 'Nuff said. Next!"

"Is it true, Fr. John, that there's some consternation over Juan Tzimisces' role as Archregimancy coach?"

"Not at all, my faithful son of Bazalonia. I quite assure you that Juan is a faithful son of the church, and that..."

<the Archregimancy dressing room briefly opens; from within can be heard...>

"YOU F*****G SONS OF MONASTIC B*****S. ONE F*****G NIL? HOW F*****G POOR IS THAT YOU F*****S? ONE F*****G NIL? ONE F*****G NIL? I SHOULD SHOVE YOUR ****** SO FAR UP YOUR ****** THAT YOU'LL NEVER ******* AGAIN!"

<the door swings shut>

"And as I was saying, that he remains - as you can tell - as passionately committed to the team's cause as ever. Please excuse me while I cross myself a few times and sprinkle some Holy Water over the dressing room door.... Anyway, I think we'll call it a day there, and I look forward to seeing some of you at the next away match. May God bless you!"

...with his five wives and a mosque membership of 1500.

This is Raidyo Yum PC bringing you the news and I'm Max Haneef.

Turning now to other news.

Renowned food critic, Haneef Abdul Sulanosi, has reviewed the national football team and concluded that they are all but indigestible. In his popular blog site, "Who's for dinner?" he described the team, after losing 0-5 to Quakmybush, as insipid, watery and bland. Sulanosi did see some light on the horizon, however. With some notable international teams arriving in Patusan in the next few weeks there would be ample opportunity for Patusanis to add some zest to their diet of football. "Allah be praised," said an enthusiastic Sulanosi, "Fans will get a taste for real football now." Sources close to the PFA say that organisers are eagerly looking forward to the meeting the various teams.

In corporate news, Abdul Air PC has completed gobbling up the regional taxi company Salaam Fares PC...

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/cannibalpot.gif

Amda-Mo: Well three points is good, but the play was not great today.

Lur-Mn: Indeed. Pizelkaxrovsky was the only thing that saved us today. For us still to be relying on one incredible player is a bad idea. We shouldn't need that against newcomers like Kedalfax. And it makes you wonder what's in store for next cup, when he's no longer around.

Amda-Mo: That bad?

Lur-Mn: Yes. EE-Or's regressing. He's lost all signs of confidence. We still don't have anything resembling a striker, and we allowed two soft goals. Gn-Lg is a great keeper, but when we let the opponents cut through the middle of the field they're finding goals. It's no suprise that we lost to Bettia and were outplayed by Cafundeu.

Amda-Mo: Are there any positives to be drawn from the game?

Lur-Mn: Three points obviously. Pizelkaxrovsky doesn't appear to be slowing down much. Maybe he has one more run in him. And Levesque finished well making good shots on both goals. But that's about it.

Amda-Mo: Thoughts on Zax-Im?

Lur-Mn: I still personally believe he'll be a great coach. And I'm not sure the 3-7-0 is a bad idea considering what we've got to work with. I put this on the players. But clearly Zax-Im has to get them to perform. Despite the troubles, we're still the #5 team in the world and should do well.

Amda-Mo: Alright, let's look ahead to our next match. We travel to Collonie?

Lur-Mn: That's a match we ought to dominate. Collonie is a very unstable team. Plays one cup then disappears. They've never shown much in the way of ability and we ought to dominate them. I think the players, especially in the back need to step up here. Another weak showing here and we could be in trouble.

Amda-Mo: Looking at the rest of the group, what were the important results from opening day?

Lur-Mn: Clearly Candelaria and Maquez stealing a point from Qazox. I don't think the Oxwindexes, ought to be too worried about it. Still it's a bad start for them as well and a sign that Candelaria and Marquez will be a threat, even if we wished they weren't. At this point you'd have to say Zwangzug had the best day one.

Amda-Mo: Thoughts from other groups?

Lur-Mn: A very bad day for the top teams. Bettia stunned by Spruitland, Ariddia shut out on the road and Squornshelous stumbling again. Pretty Amazing that. Vilita was the only former champ to earn full points. In general a pretty tough day for the higher ranked sides.

Amda-Mo: The general top six from last cup has been abandoned, but the top six standings were so popular as to be back this cup. So here we go.

Lur-Mn:

6. Tynelia

A 3-1 over a former qualifier who looks like they could be on their way back up is nice. Putting together solid offensive and defensive performances is also nice. A quality start for Tynelia.

5. Schiavonia

The quality of the opponent leaves something to be desired, but they did put up the biggest win of the day and played up to their seed, unlike most of the rest of the top teams.

4. Alasdair I Frosticus

A 5-0 thrashing of a team that aspires to make the proper is a great way to start. Some considered that the best win of the day, but I prefer beating more quality teams.

3. Turori

So we'll look at the three big wins over last cup qualifiers. Some have predicted that Turori would be past by Acapais, as they were last cup. But Turori clearly recognized the threat and were the better team on opening day in a serious way. Putting four goals past Acapais was quite impressive.

2. Demot

In terms of quality skin this might be the best, as unlike Turori and the team ranked number one, they picked up their win on the road. Traveling to Oliverry and picking up a win their puts Demot in great shape in their group. No team took a bigger step towards winning their group on day 1 than they did.

1. Spruitland

Very few people believe Spruitland is anywhere near the best team in the world. But when you beat the defending champs on opening day that earns you at least one day of glory. It's unlikely to last as they travel to Bazalonia, but if they can pull a second upset the Rabbits will be rolling.

Amda-Mo: Agreed on Spruitland. I don't see them winning in Bazalonia, but the first day win was a huge upset too. Anyways we hope to have better news for everyone next time. Good night.

Meanwhile in Bola Mine (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Bola_Mine).

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/BolaMineTimes.png

HAWKS BRING NEW ATTITUDE TO POTOROOS

With only two friendlies and one qualifying match behind them this version of Errinundera’s national football team is like no other. It is a harder, meaner, stronger and, dare we say it, more violent team of potoroos than the football world is accustomed to. At a time when the nation is rightly lauded for its nice citizens (ranked 3rd among World Cup playing nations) the potoroos are now leaving a legacy of battered and bruised bodies behind them.

Football fans don’t have to look far to discover why. The three new squad members from the Bola Mine Hawks have introduced a hitherto unseen brand of skill and mayhem to the team. Between them aryre, breretond and ipieomenicu have revolutionised the style of football played by the national team. Veteran coach, withare, hasn’t made any attempt to curb the enthusiasm of these young men. Rather he has adapted the rest of the team to their style.

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/breretond.png
breretond

In the first World Cup qualifying match – against Abu Omar - the three players dominated proceedings in more ways than one. 18 year old breretond swaggered around the field whilst bagging a pair of goals for the third successive match; ipieomenicu constantly hustled and bustled, while aryre flattened an unsuspecting Abu Omar forward who had to be stretchered from the ground. “He just didn’t see it coming,” says astonished potoroo co-defender, evastatio. “The poor lad just happened to be running full pelt when his sternum collided with aryre’s hip and shoulder.” I think ‘Conan’ got off lightly with a red card.” With only 10 players for most of the match Errinundera weren’t pushed by the home team, winning 0-2.

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aryre

Consider the upheaval in nicknames. In days gone by we had a ‘goddess’ and an ‘archangel’. Now we have ‘conan the barbarian’ (aryre), ‘the kid’ (breretond), ‘the ripper’ (ipieomenicu), ‘the devastator’ (evastatio) and ‘shiva the destroyer’ (scerberu). What this will do for our reputation is anybody’s guess.

We spoke with noted sociologist, elativis, who drew our attention to the gender issues also being raised. “In recent years just about all the superstars of Errinundrian football have been either female or genderqueer. aryre, breretond and ipieomenicu are all young men seemingly overcharged with testosterone. For sure, the national squad is still dominated by women numerically but, for the first time in living memory, it’s the men who have caught the public imagination. Why this is so, I’m not sure but I have been given a huge grant by the Errinundera Football Association to find out why.”

In an attempt to answer this question we spoke with the coach of the Hawks, ennedykj. He was as bewildered as elativis. “They’re just three local lads with lots of talent and equal amounts of aggression. Their absence while on the national squad is going to cripple us here in Bola Mine. At the halfway point of the Premier League we’re 2 games clear on top. It’s going to be tough staying up there without them.”

We spoke with football fans out on the branches to try to get an understanding of the impact of the Hawks.

affler (parliamentarian from First Creek Falls): I’m so glad those guys are playing for Errinundera and not Bola Mine for the rest of the season. Last match they crucified us.

sniggeroo (accountant from Rodger River ): breretond is a wanker. No two ways about it. If scerberu hadn’t had the knee reconstruction she’d be the number one striker.

lobbugranaid (anarchist): Football is an hierarchical game where the individual is suppressed and repressed to satisfy the ego and greed of archists. Football must be smashed.

fredu (househusband): They are fearsome, aren’t they.

melissu (lingerie collective worker): I wish they would temper their aggression. They are very gifted players. They don’t need to carry on like jerks.

The Jeruselem Army News

Jeru FC win a real World Cup game!

"Oh my God!" or as Kate Dallas wrote "Oh mon Dieu!"

Jeru FC took on Billopesha in a battle of the muck dwellers and well, won! Not some lousy draw but a great THREE NIL win over a real World Cup team. Kate Bush has made history with Jeru FC with one win so far - more points than the two draws in World Cup 35.

We have to thank our favourite Ariddian girly Dazza Dallas for this in reality after Jeru FC finished runners up of the Oxen Cup 2. Kate Bush has taken over a better team than it was and made it even better. Our team played like a real football team and outscored the Jeruselem team who won only TWO NIL although they said they played rubbish (we'd take a "rubbish" 2-0 win any day).

It's looking good but we face real teams later who might send the team back to their usual depths with rather shocking losses. We are a little concerned how excited the team got with the "Kate Dallas" calendar which was rather tame with no much to look at apart from two bikini photos. We're not quite sure why, but it got the team revved up for action they won the game.

Admittedly, Kate is the young Dazza Dallas. Dazza looks good now but Kate Dallas is the hottest teen girl in Jeruselem right now. Her boyfriend, the Crown Prince is a lucky person with a hot girlfriend and then Jeruselem's hottest mother too as a potential mother-in-law.

Looking back, Dinkie Dosha and Kate Dallas in World Cup 36 remind us of Rachel Kool and Dazza Dallas in World Cup 29. Don't forget Anna Goldstein before that - she was the original hottie before her daughter Rachel Kool took over and then Dazza Dallas turned up. Now we have Kate Dallas and Dinkie who's got her own loyal band of fans but not as many as the Dallas clan.

Yes our team seem to be motivated not by national pride or army discipline but young ladies. Well, at least most of them aren't gay!

The Albrecht Herald Online/Sport/Football/World Cup
C&M ride the waves to take key point
By Tracker Edwards

In the final assessment, could it have been anything other than spectacular? Our greatest stadium, a triumph of C&M engineering*, packed to the rafters. 42,000 voices belting out our national anthem**, rising to a man onto their feet to cheer our boys 'till their collective throat was sore. The MSS was awash with flags and banners for every club, from every corner of these islands. Never let anyone argue differently – there is something special about international football, never more so when played on your own soil. However did we cope without it for so very many years? In its short history the MSS has seen full-blooded clashes, goals and moves and men that will remain the stuff of legends for decades to come. Some of the finest battles between Albrecht FC and Albrecht Turks have been seen here, etched already into our national memory. Cup Finals whose stories will entertain the young a century hence. But will anything be able to top Candelaria And Marquez' first foray into World Cup football?

Perhaps not. But on the evidence of this clash, Mark Baker's Big Blues may not give us a moment's rest in what promises to be a roller-coaster of a qualification group. At any rate, should we go on to fail miserably in every remaining game, the history books will never forget this game. And but for our patented weather, neither would the rest of us.

Whatever the sterling efforts of the MSS groundstaff; several tons of concrete, steel, stone, and plastic can do nothing to lessen the ability of the rain to dampen spirits and proceedings. The pitch was boggy enough to begin with, offering a clear advantage to C&M against a lethargic Qazox outfit either unused to such conditions or unwilling to make the best of them. Buoyed on by the baying masses, Baker's boys seemed to start the game with several extra men as our technical midfield trident of Torrealba, Speed Wang and Momtaz took advantage of a water-logged centre circle.

Still, and for all it will be shown again and again on television, our first qualifying goal ha the element of the fluke about it. It was a clear handball from the nervy Pheonix defender Grunder, but Wang's subsequent free-kick was very much in the hit-and-hope category, as opposition men crowded around him. The young referee declined to listen to Wang's protestations as Fry and Holden encroached far beyond the ten-metre mark; and Speed was left to loft the ball into the shirt-pulling mêlée. Somehow, and more by luck than judgement one feels, Steven Fritz was able to steel in around the hapless Grunder to nudge the ball past goalkeeper Freel. The little striker, nor the thousands of Albrecht FC fans, won't be complaining as to the nature of the goal after just four minutes.

There would be no such thoughts reserved for the second hit. An unbecoming error by the otherwise impressive Hank Hunker saw the ball come vaguely in the direction of the plodding Momtaz. Bicycle kick. Two-nil. How on earth does he do it? The whole stadium seemed slightly bemused for minutes after as the crowd digested how little o'l C&M could possibly be two goals clear over what was supposed to be a thoroughly good side, and after a goal of such unbelievable individual quality. The referee seemed as transfixed as the rest of us, failing to book Momtaz after he wheeled away to the fans and removed his shirt to reveal a 'I Belong to Allah' vest. Whether the aforesaid deity played a part in the rest of the game is debatable. Certainly if He did, He mis-calculated the big blues' love for the wet.

Indignant at finding themselves 2-0 down to World Cup minnows, Qazox began to take charge. Time and again they exposed the C&M midfield for pace. Torabla and Halcho proved rather more than the equals of O'Sullivan Caras and Joey Pipes, who were by now struggling in the lake-like tramlines. Shot after shot went awry but it was only a matter of time before the travelling team got a goal back, big Rueben Uwakwe miss-judging a hopeful, powerless hit from Halcho shortly before half-time.

Other papers may pour scorn on Kieron Tomlinson for conceding the 79th minute penalty, but they would be wrong to. The left-back was otherwise outstanding, containing Torabla for much of the second-half. Fresh-as-a-daisy substitute John Giffey won a soft – if fair – spot-kick from Tomlinson, which Giffey duly finished comfortably.

Many may feel deflated, after seeing a potentially great win slip from our grasp. We should not. We matched a side of undoubted quality for many periods of this game. Qazox will feel happy to escape with a point – it is a mark of how far we are coming that we will feel disappointed not to come away with all three. We march on unbowed to Zwangzug, a side that somehow managed a 3-1 win at Cookesland despite appearing to lack a goalkeeper…

*Not actually, though.

**He's exaggerating a bit. O, Sweet Nation is generally agreed to be an over-long, tuneless, dirge; and therefore rather hard to 'belt-out'. It doesn't help that the original poem upon which it's based was (alongside the odd bit of social commentary) a wistful ode likening a country to a woman of such beauty that the poet could never hope to make her his. The second verse gets a more lusty treatment from sports crowds, being positively carnal in nature, including several thinly-veiled references to breasts. Most people's favourite bit is when he likens her 'prized rosettes' to the hill-forts once built by the British as a base from which to attacks Spanish-held territory.

***

Sleuth Magazine
40 YEARS OF C&M FOOTBALL...WHERE ARE THEY NOW?

Some goalkeeper you've never heard of – Owns a pub
Some right-back you've never heard of – Breeds hedgehogs
Some left-back you've never heard of – Plays golf
Some centre-back you've never heard of – Owns a pub
(Alright, that's enough Where are they now? – ed.)

Scoring two goals with a legit injury was impressive. Scoring two goals with a paper cut? Somewhat less.

Nevertheless, Phillip wasn't going to take his success for granted. Even if the indecipherable note left on his bed had sliced only his finger, which he couldn't even use, he had obstacles on the field of play as well. Yul, usually so prolific if not accurate in his passes, seemed dazed and evasive.

So it was up to Phillip to dash across the Cookesland half of the field and retrieve the ball, building up a 2-0 lead by halftime. After the break, Short put the Blue Owls within one, but Simon Ryne secured a final score of 3-1.

Fortunately, enigmatic messages were the last thing on anybody's mind as the team attempted to return to host Candelaria and Marquez. Coach Mcgimpy was subject to additional security tests.

"Is it just me," Andrew whispered, "or is that guy just as stereotypically Bigtopian as Mcgimpy?"

"Yeah, actually, and if we're going to make it back in time for our next game, you'd better shut up," Jacob retorted.

The wonders of air travel...a decent distraction, at least.

The population of Wentland was surprised not to see any match reports following the first World Cup match. Instead they were faced with blank spaces, which some wags considered were more interesting than the match itself.

It transpired however that there was a media blackout. The Amalgamated Union of Spoonbenders, Nightsoilmen and Sports Reporters had taken advantage of an obscure provision in the Industrial Relations and Cod Fishing Act to go out on trawlers rather than write up another load of Hacker nonsense. So there was no sports news at all.

OOC: a vaguely topical RP, considering the weather situation over here...




'Twas a dark and gloomy day in the Blessed Realm. The clouds were dark and swirling, the sun had gone on an improptu holiday, and the wind was a little bit nippier than usual... but the people of Bettia, for whom the weather is normally a hot topic of discussion, really couldn't give two hoots about it today for they are still taking in the fallout of the Aroras' shock opening defeat to Spruitland.

Like most of the other Bettians, Fat Evan was in a sombre mood as he made his way down Pifton High Street, nice and early like he always did just so he could claim his usual spot in the Pie and Pixie. He trudged slowly down the street, but not as slowly as he used to - probably something to do with 'her indoors' secretly switching his normal milkshakes to low-fat ones without him knowing - and as he trudged, he contemplated today's match. The opponents were Dance 2 Revolution - like every other footy fan in the country he was well and truly fired up for this one, and he walked down the road taking (care to avoid to avoid the comedy tumbleweed that bounced along gloomily in front of him), he offered a little prayer that the team would be just as fired up as he was.

But half a mile or so from the café, he started to hear a wierd noise - ever so faint, but wierd nonetheless.

As he got nearer, it got louder.

And wierder.

It was like a combination of someone bawling their eyes out in the middle of a lake, or a swimming pool... well, something big and watery.

Finally he reached the P&P.

"How odd," he thought to himself, "The curtains are closed."

He also couldn't help noticing the noise seemed to be coming from inside. Ever the curious soul, he knocked on the door.

"Wait! Don't come in!" Ali shouted from inside.

Trouble is, what with all that noise, Evan only heard the last bit and so he opened the door. As first he struggled - it felt as though something was pushing against it - but after putting his considerable weight behind it, it soon opened.

He soon wished he hadn't, round about the time he found himself swept halfway across the street by a huge tidal wave.

"What on NS-Earth is going on?" he spluttered as he clambered back onto his feet with Junilun's help.

"It's my sister. She's still upset about Bettia losing to Spruitland." she replied.

"I don't understand. What's that got to do with..." Evan started before he saw exactly what Junilun was referring to. There sat on the counter was Fatarani, her two little hands clenched into fists, bawling a pair of non-stop waterfalls from her eyes.

"Blimey - when an ifrit gets upset, she gets upset." Evan said.

"Well, the children do anyway."

"I'M NOT A CHILD! I'M 245 YEARS OLD!!!" Fatarani yelled angrily at the top of her voice, breaking the odd teacup here and there. "Why are you always picking on me?"

"Oh come on now Fatti, you are acting like a child. So the 'Roras lost - it's hardly the end of the NS-world, now is it?"

"But, but, but... we're the champs! We're the best in the world! We shouldn't lose to anyone! It's not fair! IT'S NOT FAIR!!!" she screamed, resulting in a few more teacups being added to the casualty list.

Evan sat next to her, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

"Now now girl, football's a funny old game at the best of times, and sometimes things like this happen. But look at the players," he said, pointing at images of the Bettian players limbering up on the pitch ahead of the game. "They're not upset, are they? They may have been when they lost the other day, but they're not now - they know they've got to put all that behind them and get on with things, otherwise they lose again and again - and so have we. We've got to get behind them, otherwise the atmosphere in here will be a bit crap, won't it?"

Fatarani giggled. "A bit crap. Yeah. We don't do a bit crap in here, do we?"

"Nope, not here. Come on, grab the remote and set up the box will you? You want to see how Jeruselem and Az-cz get on as well, don't you?"

"That's right," Ali added, "And if you get it done quick enough, there'll be some chocolate in it for you!"

"Yay! Chocolate!"

As Fatarani excitedly got down to setting up their Sonastra box, Junilun busied herself getting the floor mopped up as quickly as possible, and Ali grabbed a chocolate bar form behind the till, Ali leaned over and whispered to him.

"Hey Ali - it's a good job your HumungoScreen's waterproof!"



Fixtures / Results

MD..OPPONENT................VENUE...RESULT


Qualifying Group 5

FR: Az-cz...................HOME....W 3-2
01: Spruitland..............Away....L 1-2
02: Dance 2 Revolution......HOME....
03: Shackfold...............Away....
04: Kansiov.................HOME....
05: Green wombat............Away....
06: TT Lake Side............Away....
07: Bazalonia...............HOME....
08: Spruitland..............HOME....
09: Dance 2 Revolution......Away....
10: Shackfold...............HOME....
11: Kansiov.................Away....
12: Green wombat............HOME....
13: TT Lake Side............HOME....
14: Bazalonia...............Away....

“Hello everyone and welcome to the return of Tynelian Soccer Weekly’s coverage of our tenth ever World Cup effort. I’m your co-host Dinah Miller and am joined again by argueably Tynelia’s most successful keeper in history Amy “the jinx” Whiteworth.”

“Oh c’mon Dinah you’re not going to start that again are you?”

“ Well we’ll just have to see how your predictions work out this time. Today Tynelia tried out its radical new more aggressive style and I have to say so far it worked out pretty well as the team jumped out to a 3-1 win over Aurendia at the presidential Coliseum today. After Tina Conroy put the team ahead 3-0 with the quickest hattrick in Tynelian history in the first ten minutes Coach Jay Masterson took the air out of the ball to finish the match in a more traditional Tynelian style. Unfortunately a late score ruined the shutout.”

“Yes I was surprised to see how quick the team was to adapt to a more aggressive style Dinah. Though three goals so quickly may have given some long time fans heart failaure or least a more careful study of the uniforms to see if they weren’t watching a Bettia match by mistake. Tina Conroy was heard after the match saying this is a much more fun style to play even if defense is still the first priority for the team.”

“I wonder though Amy, is this a sign that the team may consider throwing away the old defensive style if the team is successful with this style to get more in sync with the rest of the world?”

“Well its only one match and against a bottom third team Dinah. The true test will come against the Elves and AD. That’s where we will see just how effective this style is.”

“But three goals right off the bat is a good sign I have to say. I’m sure many Tynelian fans are glad they didn’t have to worry through another 1-0 match today.”

“Yes I agree with that Dinah, a much more relaxing start for the team, though the first half was tight enough.”

“ I still think it’s a real good sign for the rest of the cup to start off strong for a change. Well then, moving on Amy, the rest of the group pretty much played up to expectations. Both AD and the Elves started off with matching 2-0 wins which actually puts Tynelia at the top of the group by 1 goal scored given equal differentials. Ad’ihan and the Monkeys played to a 1-1 draw in the other match.”

“Well facing the Monkeys next I think this will be a good chance to get off to a quick start as the Monkeys play in their first WC qualifers. Another good result like today and I think the rest of the group will have to sit up and take notice Dinah.”

“I agree with you there, a Tynelian team that actually has an offense is something no one has ever seen except perhaps in WC33 when we qualified for the first time. But the big tests will come at the end of the half where two of our last three matches are against the Elves and AD though we’ll be at home for these key early matches.”

“On the other hand if we need to make up ground late it means our two main competitors will be at home in the second half.”

“Let’s hope that doesn’t come to pass then Amy. Speaking of possible bad news what do you think is going to happen in the match with the Sons of a Monkey?”

“Are you sure you don’t want me cursing the team Dinah?” <waves her hands in some magically voo-doo like manner>

“Well I think its dangerous but its our jobs. I’ll go first. I like our new offense so I say we win 3-0.”

“Thanks for your confidence Dinah. I’m still not sold on this new offense so I think it’ll be much closer but still a 2-1 win for us.”

“Well ok then Amy, at least we’re both going with a win this time. I guess we’ll all find out together when Tynelian Soccer Weekly returns with our full live coverage of the World Cup qualifiers and hopefully beyond. Tynelia visits the Son of a Monkey for our first road match of the tourney and we’ll be there before and after with TSW’s post game show which we hope will be to talk about Tynelia’s second straight win so far. But that’s why they play the games. I’m Dinah Miller for Amy ‘the jinx’ Whiteworth, have a pleasant evening.”

The Jariss team comes running back to the lockerroom in wild celebration after coming away with an hard fought 0-0 draw with the second seed Wentland. The match itself was rather odd between the only two teams in the Cup playing a maximum defensive style which in fact suited Jariss perfectly. The match set a record as a total of two shots were actually put on net, one by each team, as much of the match was spent playing keep-away by both ‘offenses’. As a result Wentland leaves the match disappointed while the underdogs were in a much better mood.

Tali Vindu: That’s more like it. No goals, its like playing back home.

Fya Panai: Yeah but Minna ruined it. Why did you have to take that shot, we could have set a record or something if you didn’t.

Minna Dawo: Well I wanted to make sure it was even . I mean they had that one shot at the 38th minute, if I didn’t at least get one that would have meant their defense was better. I should have got a second though.

Li Chu: Yes I too should have made a shot, honor demanded it. I should be benched.

Tali: Hey that’s my line.

Gia Banama: <points to Tali> You, don’t even think about it. <points to Lu> You, don’t even start.

Andre Miware: Too bad we couldn’t have played this one in Jariss, the fans would have loved to see that match live.

Goru Lyani: Yeah my Errinunderan training really helped today.

Fya: Yeah I know what you were training there. <Makes kissing sounds>

Joa Giranu: No it was my Cafundeuan experience that came though.

Goru: Is Cafundeuan even a word? Errinundera!

Joa: Cafundeu!

Fya: freer!

<Goru glares at everyone as Coach Pitu Kirui enters with Leni Banama>

Coach Pitu: Yes, yes well done everyone. Very good match indeed. A true signature of the spirit of Jariss football in action today. I wonder if any of these Wentlanders were Jarissian émigrés to play our style so well.

Leni: Maybe they had spies watching us.

Coach Pitu: oh dear, do you think so? That would be most unsporting of them. Maybe we should hold secret practices so they don’t find out anything else.

Leni: Sure thing Coach I’ll get right on it. <rolls his eyes as Coach Pitu looks away>

Coach Pitu: Oh yes that would be quite good Leni, you’re doing a great job by the way.

Leni: Thanks Coach.

Coach Pitu: <clears his throat and addresses the team> Yes now we can’t look too far ahead now. Another match is coming sooner than you think you know I can’t be having any letdowns now. Central Postonia…

Leni: Central Prestonia Coach.

Coach Pitu: Yes yes, that team. Very clever squad, very little film on them indeed. Nearly beat Drakanjea…

Leni: Daehanjeiguk.

Coach Pitu: My these places have such odd names. But yes 2-1 they lost a very close match. And Daej…er Die…, yes their opponents that match even won the Baptism of Fire, and you couldn’t to that so they must be a very good squad indeed. Very potent offense with a goal already. Yes indeed a tough effort from the defense will be needed and perhaps we might shoot the ball towards their net more, I hear that’s how its done off the island.

Leni: Yup they sure do Coach.

Coach Pitu: Ah very good then indeed. Yes, yes do that and we should play well. Quite good today again. Now off you go, hit the showers and all that.

Fya: <whispers to Minna> I wish Coach Maru was back.

<Minna nods>

Elven Times
Start and Finish

A decent start for the Marauders in this first qualifying matchday saw the squad topple over Kampfers two to nil at the Hatire Memorial. While the game was sloppy for a good portion of the match, the class of the squad shined through and saw the squad to victory. With a squad filled with stars of their domestic teams, it was two of the bigger stars in the international spotlight that found the back of the net, as Laborious Hawk and Kiso Night both started their accounts tonight with wonderstrikes that will have many a fan just shaking their heads in disbelief and awe. Despie his marvelous strike early in the contest, you really didn't see much of Kiso and no one was surprised when Constant brought on Fresco in the 60th minute for the lad. Still, as long as the boy continues to find the net, I doubt Constant can have too many complaints about his superstar's performances.

Speaking of the marvelous strikes, the first came in the seventeenth minute when Jannian recieved a clearing ball from Nickel and made his way up the line. After dribbling by Heike, Jere sent in one of his patented on the mark crosses that Kiso put a perfectly timed sissor kick to, that went in towards the far post, leaving the keeper completely beaten. The second came in the waning moments of the match, as Kampfers tried to push everything forward in order to get the late equaliser as was clearly beaten on the counter attack. After Lopez stole the ball off the feet of Ballack, he sprung it forward to Hawk. The midfielder needed no time to take the ball up the field, spin off of Gebbert, and followed through with a hard shot to the near post that completely caught Kuhn offguard and it went in whiskers inside the post.

This weeks match is against unranked Tylero, and after their defeat to regionmates Assegai, they will surely be trying to change thier luck. Despite their best efforts, I still suspect that the Marauders will have very little difficulty in disposing of the debutants, even though the match is away from the friendly confines of the Hatire Memorial. Rikard and Night need to get some extra training together this week as they did look like they weren't operating on the same page for large portions of the match. The defence really needs no tinkering, as they disected and destroyed every attack the Kampfer squad sent. Jacob St. Louis made quite an impression in his first start as the number one keeper for the national team, turning back three shots, and instructing his defence on set plays. Apart from the attack needed some work, Constant has his squad in form, and it should only get better from here.

Elves Security Forces 2
Kiso Night (17)
Laborious Hawk (84)

Kampfers 0

Schedule
MD1: ESF v Kampfers 2-0
MD2: Tylero v ESF
MD3: ESF v Assegai Developments
MD4: ESF v Ad'ihan
MD5: Tynelia v ESF
MD6: ESF v Aurendia
MD7: The Sons of a Monkey v ESF
mid-qualifying friendlies
MD8: Kampfers v ESF
MD9: ESF v Tylero
MD10: Assegai Developments v ESF
MD11: Ad'ihan v ESF
MD12: ESF v Tynelia
MD13: Aurendia v ESF
MD14: ESF v The Sons of a Monkey

Article by Luna Santapa

Article taken from The Coricas Post
Blue Owls start out with a bang....not!

The Blue Owls entered into their first match at World Cup 36 today, resulting in a 3-1 loss to Zwangzug. By the first half of the game the Owls were down two to zip. Then after a few very nice plays from Stacy LaReina, Colin Short managed to bring up the score to 2-1.

But the Zwangzug team had not remotely given up. Soon after the Blue Owls Scored, Simon Ryne secured a final score of 3-1. We shouldn't give up hope yet or at all, this cup has only started and we have not yet begun to fight. Here's a schedule for all the rest of the Blue Owls matches.


Opponents/ Home or Away/ Result

Cookesland vs. Zwangzug - Home - 3-1 loss
Kedalfax vs. Cookesland - Away -
Cookesland vs. Colonie - Home -
Az-cz vs. Cookesland - Away -
Cookesland vs. Sorthern Northland - Home -
Cookesland vs. C&M - Home -
Qazox vs. Cookesland
Zwanzug vs. Cookesland - Away -
Cookesland vs. Kedalfax - Home -
Colonie vs. Cookesland - Away -
Cookesland vs. Az-cz - Home -
Sorthern Northland - Away -
C&M vs. Cookesland - Away -
Cookesland vs. Qazox - Home -

They come into World Cup 36 labelled "That Crap Team Who Once Were Good But Will Never Be Again"

But Dance 2 Revolution are only impressed with the tag due to the length of it, rather than anything else. D2R, who made their World Cup debut 24 cups ago, have been putting in very disappointing performances in recent cups and the RFA have decided that it is time to turn it around.

The RFA's plan involves rehauling the Revolutionarian Football League and Youth Development systems, which is to cost an estimated C7.4bn, and is looking for D2R to get back to earlier World Cup form by World Cup 40.

In the mean time, Dance 2 Revolution have appointed Kyle Ward as their new manager coming into World Cup 36. The controversial head coach, who took D2R side 'Disconnected FC' from lower league to the top division, brings a less attractive style of play to the D2R side, insisting on a strong, defense minded squad with a team ethic, rather than individual skill.

However, despite this, the general concensus amongst football fans is that Kyle Ward will not be able to completely overhaul the slump of football quality in D2R, especially with the group they were drawn into. With Bazalonia, Schaivonia, Bettia and Green Wombat fighting for the qualifying places, that leaves D2R to just make sure they finish above everyone they should, which is still something D2R usually fail to do.

D2R still started promisingly with a 1-1 draw at home to Green Wombat, but will be looking only to keep the scoreline respectable when they travel to Bettia for the next qualifying match...

Inside the visitors dressing room, the squad is relaxing to some music, champagne, and a small buffet following their two to one win over Oliverry

"Good job lads and lasses, you really played well tonight and came away deserved winners. We took a big step in winning our group tonight, taking down the second seed and in their place, and know that I'm proud of you all tonight. You not only proved the press wrong, but you also put to bed your poor Proper performance of last tournament. And while you all performed admireable tonight, we do have a decent enough test next week as we will once again be on the road, this time taking on Western Afghanistan. Now I know a few of you were there a few months ago for the AO Champions League, so the venue should not startle you. However, I do want you all to keep your focus on football, as I know all too well as to how easy it is to lose your focus while other things, seemingly more important, are ocurring all around you. I also want to give the game ball to Edmund Vorca, setting up a goal and converting from the spot are enough for me to give you man of the match honors. Maryweather, it's good to see you scoring again, and keep it up for the next few weeks and you'll definately go down in the Hall of Fame along Ysman and Black. All right lads, enjoy the win tonight, and be ready to leavy in thirty minutes, we do have a plane to catch afterall."

The team nods and murmers a few thoughts about the game amongst themselves as Masteron and Daley talk about how to adjust their tactics for the next match. Suddenly a pair of police officers enter the room and go straight to where Corin is sitting.

"Gregory Corin, you are under arrest for the attempted murder of Anton Sanschagrin. You have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used in a court of law. You have the right to attorney, if you can not afford one, we will appoint one for you you..."

As Corin is taken away, the entire squad is stunned and the once festive atmosphere has turned somber and sullen.

First Victory in World Cup 36
By Diawsam
Grotewohl Associated Press

In the first game of the World Cup 36 qualifiers, FLoG found itself against another novice team to the world cup.

The game started quickly with Herchimer's midfield and defense being overpowered by the strength of FLoG. This game quickly became a game of physicality, with FLoG dominating the field. The first and second goals were both scored by Sun, who was very excited to take advantage of the inferior Herchimer players. The first goal came off a pass from Dizzy, in which Sun ran the ball down the field passing two Herchimer defenders. The second goal came off a set from Ash, in which Sun once again managed to outmaneuver Herchimer's defenses. Several other break a ways were made by Sun, but Herchimer's goalkeeper managed to narrowly stop all others.

Just before the end of the first half, a shot by Auq was punched over the goal. The corner, kicked by Ash, found its way to Dizzy, who headed the ball to Wen. He trapped it and kicked the ball mightily into the goal.

Once the second half was started, FLoG players seemed to become even more aggressive in their play. Auq pushed forward with Qak, passing the ball passed Herchimer's defenders. A quick shot by Qak into the lower corner of the goal scored the first one of the half.

After the goal, as Herchimer started the offensive play, a rough tackle from behind by G.P. dropped a Herchimer midfielder to the ground. G.P. was promptly shown the red card and ejected from the game. The Herchimer player seemed unhurt and continued to play. From this penalty the kick was made into FLoG's backfield, where another penalty from Ryn'raye set the Herchimer up for a good shot on goal. The defense of FLoG was out skilled on the set, and found the ball inside its own goal.

Down a player, FLoG still pushed the offense hard. After several plays down the field, a Herchimer defender found his way down the field with the ball, and almost out of nowhere, Wen snuck the ball away from him. At this point Wen had a straight run on goal. With this one on one situation, Wen easily took advantage and gained the fourth goal of the game.

Toward the end of regular time, the last goal was scored by Qak off a rebound shot. Auq took a power shot straight at the goalkeeper, who stopped the shot but failed to maintain control of the ball. Qak was right there to knock the ball in.

With only one gamed played, FLoG is undefeated. Hopefully that will not change, but with such a beginner to the game of football such is unlikely.

All other teams in the region were defeated this first round. Endmile players were found at FLoG's game screaming and hollering for FLoG. With having the USSE team away, they were very excited to see some action at home.

May the Football League of Grotewohl continue in the favor of the gods.

Diawsam the Seer

RP cutoff for Matchday 2

Matchday 02 Scores (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12901319&postcount=4)

Billopesha's national team went to lose 3-0 to Jeru FC in the first ever World Cup game. Despite the loss, the team are pleased with the way they played in the game as are the people of Billopesha. As beginners in the tournament, the match against the superior Jeru FC showed some encouraging play by the Billopeshian side. The offensive play by Jeru FC managed to break through the Billopeshian defence early in the match but didn't score their first goal until Player 9 smashed a goal like a bullet into the net 40 minutes into the match. Billopesha's John Finch and Titus Thane had good shots at goal through gaps in the opponent's defence but still failed to score. The second half began with another goal for Jeru FC by Player 10 during a corner kick and there came a very near shot from Billopesha's Thane which was excellently saved by Jery FC's goalkeeper. Billopesha failed to stop Jeru FC's attacks and a third goal secured the win. But Billopesha still managed to prevent further goals against them for the remainder of the game.

This comment was made by the coach:

"I believe that ur..., as our first ever World Cup match, that ur... well... we did quite well. We were ur... playing against a experienced team and ur.. I believe we put up a good fight. We did ur... better than we ur... expected really and I think ur... it's just great to ur.. finally play a game in ur... the World Cup at last. We stay ur.. confident and look ur... forward to the next game."

Report from:
http://www.freewebs.com/billopesha/msoD6A9B.jpg

"Man we suck"

"What do you mean? We are 2-0 top 10 in the World, finalist two cups ago, quarterfinalists about every single cup I can remember we are great"

"Except our media no longer cares do you notice this?"

"What do you mean?"

"How many reports have been broadcast or sent too international stations"

"None"

"And how many last cup?"

"It had to be under 5"

"The cup before that"

"Under 10"

"Exactly! they don't report on the team anymore at least not with the quality or quantity that they used too"

"Well yeh but we now release Margaret sacrificing rituals to the world instead so our media doesn't report plus when our media does report we tend to lose so it just doesn't happen"

"Oh it all makes sense except for the orange juice"

"It's really simple actually Steve spilled the orange juice which landed on the cocunut and killed a man named Jon then he got arrested for sabotage and was executed by guillotine"

"Ummmm..... Ok"

"So then how is Belmowitz doing?"

"4 goals"

"Excellent"

"Come on you Warriors!"

"It's 3:00 in the afternoon. I don't get it."

"Get what?"

"Well, shouldn't the programming for this time slot be something people actually want to see?"

"You won't believe me, but...it is."

"No!"

"Yes. Which means people will be watching, and I at least expect you to actually do some commentating."

"Okay, fine. Let's get this over with now. Uh...here come the teams, and the anthems are played."

"You know, I think the visitors have one even worse than ours."

"Is that even-ooh. Potentially."

"Well, as we get underway, the good news is that nobody can blame us for the results this time around..."

"...but violently fouled by Andrew Card. So now Fritz sets up for the penalty, and the Candelaria and Marquez squad seems a little uncertain about what's going on. It's just a penalty kick-ah, and he's put it away, neatly done, so 1-0..."

"...and Olson scores. 1-1 tie..."

"...a beautiful kick from Momtaz, arcing around Faustino for the goal..."

"...Stings gets the pass across the field and ties it up..."

"...and there we have it, a 2-2 tie against Candelaria and Marquez."

"Yep."

"A new and defensive team, can't be too likely, can it?"

"Er, hold on, let me figure that out."

"Finally, a contribution from my co-announcer. Let's show a replay of that penalty kick, then..."

Matchday One: Bercktesgaden verses Nitrodymium

Berckwire Reports

World Cup 36 got off to a flying start for the home Catamounts, facing an unknown opponent in Nitrodymium. The home fans (Att 13,695) saw Bercktesgaden shutout the visitors, 2 to nil. The game got off to a sloppy start, with both teams passing around 50%. The Catamounts threatened early in the 33rd minute but Robbie Cope's shot from 27 meters hit the crossbar up and over. Nitromium also threatened early, but Per Hitzplerger made a goal saving tackle at the edge of the box. Halftime saw the teams deadlocked at 0-0.

Coach Dave Rundstedt made a tactical change at half time, subbing in the more offsensive minded Karl von Bommel for David Burns at LCM. The change pade off emmidaltely as von Bommel made a spectacular run and pass to Tadeusz Anielewicz who bent a beauty into the top left corner from 32 meters in the 51st meter.

von Bommel again went on a run in the 66th minute but Robbie Cope again nailed the crossbar from 22 meters out. Cope was visibly angred after his miss and vented it with a poor sliding tackle in the 73rd minute that earned him a yellow card. But Cope made up for it after tapping in a deflected shot from the foot of Will Belue for a goal to seal it in the 81st minute.

Against Schiavonia the visitors got off to a riduculous pace, scoring 3 goals in the first ten minutes. The Schiavonian finishers earned their names with Jerry Berry getting two goals and Horatio Konstantopolous netting the other. In the 12th minute Drew Harris put a rocket by Schiavonian keeper Chris Howard and edged the Catamounts to 1-3. Karl von Bommel got a bending bicycle off of a deflected free kick in the 41st minute to pull it to 2-3.

But Schiavonia werent done as Jerry Berry added another strike in the 63rd minute and James Hogan muscled a header into the net and sealed it at the 70th minute.

Leading Scorers
Cope 2
Anielewicz 1
Harris 1

MD1
Group 1
Bercktesgaden 2–0 Nitrodymium
Schiavonia 6–0 The Non-RPing n00b
Rejistania 2–2 Swilatia
Estresse Intenso 1–0 Salkehachie



MD2
Group 1
Nitrodymium 1–1 Salkehachie
Swilatia 0–1 Estresse Intenso
The Non-RPing n00b 0–3 Rejistania
Bercktesgaden 2–5 Schiavonia



Group 1 P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Schiavonia 2 2 0 0 11 2 +9 6
2 Estresse Intenso 2 2 0 0 2 0 +2 6
3 Rejistania 2 1 1 0 5 2 +3 4
4 Bercktesgaden 2 1 0 1 4 5 −1 35 Swilatia 2 0 1 1 2 3 −1 1
6 Salkehachie 2 0 1 1 1 2 −1 1
7 Nitrodymium 2 0 1 1 1 3 −2 1
8 The Non-RPing n00b 2 0 0 2 0 9 −9 0

It was the day after the Novapsolan home debut, a 2-0 loss to The HURD. Team Manager Owen Marx yawned, though he tried to hide it from the rest of the people in the meeting room. I have game footage to break down, another match to prepare for, and a trip to Oliverry approaching, he thought. Do they really need me here for this?

The "They" Owen was referring to, were the members of the joint controls working on hosting the team's home matches: The Soccer Board, part of the Sport and Game Control; as well as the Foreign Transport/Entry Board, part of the overall Air/Transport Control, along with a few others. It appeared a few members from the Building Control had arrived as well, for reasons currently unknown to Marx.

"Before we continue," came the voice from the head of the table, "Let us commend Owen, for the work he has done with our men. From the confusion of the unorthodox debutant competition, to now earning a point on the World Cup Qualifying stage. To Owen, and to our brave men!"

Owen stifled a laugh. One point in two games was worthy an applause? Clearly they weren't expecting much out of the team.

The chairman continued, "Beyond our performance last night, the match itself was a success. We filled the stadium, selling all the visitor's tickets we hoped, and they loved the atmosphere. After all, who wouldn't love great weather?"

A man across from Owen, wearing a white coat, interrupted quickly, "My apologies for the brief rainstorm earlier, Chairman. We're still working out all the bugs in the system."

"That's fine, Fellow Wilson" replied the Chairman. "The system also seemed to work well, in terms of hiding the rest of the area from the visitors. Is there anything else you require?"

"Yes, sir" replied Wilson. "We intend to send the team that traveled with the soccer team with them to Oliverry. While the team prepares for the match, we will return to the area to the northeast of The Lowland Clans, where we were researching during the Baptism of Fire. The nation that used to occupy those borders had apparently experimented with a weather control system over 30 Earth Rotos (OOC: Years) ago. We found some information on it, but would like to gain more."

"Very well" said the Chairman. "Make the appropriate arrangements with Foreign Transport. Does anyone have anything else?"

Owen rose, "Yes, Chairman. I'd like to be excused from the meeting. In order to gain the best results we can out of our team, I need to spend this time preparing with them, not sitting in a meeting that doesn't need my presence. I understand that it's my duty to do so, and the manager of the National Team, but I feel that I could be better served back with those who need me most: my guys."

The Chairman nodded, "Normally I would agree with you, Owen, and I assure you, we will not keep you from your duties. Before you go, however, wouldn't you like to weigh in on our expansion plans? If you noticed, this island has plenty of room for more than one stadium."

"This is Vephrall Radio One's live coverage of today's World Cup qualifying match against Turori. This is the English-language match commentary with Sareg Irupe and Rints Apyrphung. If you're looking for match coverage in Vephra, tune your radio to seven hundred and forty kilohertz, where the brothers Ock and Cothasat Dizabeg will provide the commentary.

"I, Sareg Irupe, speak to you from the press box at Ellime Apenbast (http://www.prism.gatech.edu/~gth681k/ns/vephrall/Ellime%20Apenbast.png), here in the western city of Netlas, the home of Tririsec runners-up Netler FE. And it seems that we have a full house here for Vephrall's very first home match, right, Rints?"

"Indeed, Sareg. 66,075 football fans are in the seats today, less than 150 seats short of capacity. I was speaking just a few minutes ago with the club chairman, and he was positively beaming with the honor of hosting this historic event."

"Well, it certainly won't be an easy first match for our boys. The team from Turori has come in for this one, one of the top twenty-five national teams in the world."

"Well, Sareg, the anthems are about to play, and then we'll get started."

The national anthems are played, first Turori's, then Vephrall's.

"Manager Ostalir Pasarap is going with an unchanged lineup for this one, putting one through eleven out there to start - Rints, Whaariny, Praumbeted, Wilopteere, Clituleng, Prorim, Shuke, Sytrobes, Wais, Uambe, and Parogam."

"There's the opening whistle, and we're underway."

time passes

"And now it's...who is that? I'm not sure, the Turorian FA seems to be a bit late in releasing its rosters, and these players don't have names on their uniforms. Anyway, that's player number nine advancing up the right side of the pitch. He's lost Spelaad Praumbeted, got only the keeper to beat...and it's saved!"

"Doshese Rints was just able to get his fingertips to it and deflect it over the top of the goal. An immense play by the Custler FE goalkeeper."

time passes

"It's been a very surprising match so far; Turori haven't shown nearly the dominance we'd expected. Number ten loses the ball to Clituleng - superb tackle! And now it's Vephrall on the counter! Clituleng launches it up for Sorrah Wais. The Turorian defender can't get up high enough and Wais has it! He shoots!"

"GOOOAL! Sorrah Wais scores the first goal of the game and gives Team Vephrall its first lead in international competition!"

time passes

"That's the final whistle. Rints, an unbelievable display today as Vephrall score a big upset with this one-nil win over the heavily-favored Turori."

"Absolutely. We are definitely looking at some superstar defenders on our team, there is no question about it. Try as they might, Turori was never able to get anything going and Doshese Rints will be ecstatic about this clean sheet."

Final score
VEPHRALL 1 (Wais 62')
Turori 0

Vephrall player ratings
No Player Pos Rtg Notes
1 Doshese Rints GK 9.0
2 Hahnea Whaariny DR 8.0
3 Spelaad Praumbeted DL 8.0
4 Sperobis Wilopteere MC 6.5 sub 62
5 Wendelors Clituleng DC 7.5
6 Pembace Prorim MC 7.5
7 Recasang Shuke MR 8.0 sub 71
8 Going Sytrobes AMC 8.5
9 Sorrah Wais FC 8.0
10 Thwante Uambe FC 6.5 sub 62
11 Torossud Parogam ML 8.5
13 Denosone Praumbeted DC 7.5 on 62
17 Diors Ebrulefa MR 6.5 on 71
18 Rempidar Mocks MC 7.0 on 62

After a stirring away draw to Adi'han, The Monkeys have suffered their first defeat of thier inaugural campaign. Tynelia came to town and through all of the stoppages and blackouts managed to hold their nerve and score a late winner to take the game 2-1. Paddy O'Furniture showed he is in form by scoring his second goal of the tournament after scoring the only goal for the Monkeys in both games. His 52nd minute goal tied up the game after Marcus Dalton, the new wonder kid of Tynelian football put them up in the 11th minute.

After a 45 minute delay because of blackout at the 85th minute and a further 15 minutes to clean up all the poo that was flung onto the pitch by the Monkey supporters, Marcus Dalton again found himself clear in the box and was able to head a cross from Samuel Linderton straight past the Monkey keeper.

The last few minutes were spent fully in the attacking zone of The Monkeys but try as they might and even with the constant flickering of the floodlights they could not get the tying goal.

All in all a great effort and a great first home game by The Monkeys but they came up against a more experienced and determined side today. Hopefully they can turn it around in the next match.

With it's second win in as many games the Empire of Kristovenia has been showing the competition just how well they can play. The goals in the match against the Canelandic Islands came early with Demetrius Poliorketes scoring in just the 9th minute and Lucius Cornelius Sulla and Marcus Agrippa scoring in the 18th and 21st minutes respectively. The play of Alcibiades in nets was just stellar. He made many great saves and only let in one goal which was a beautiful header off a corner in the 63rd minute. Our World Cup 36 reporter Diomedes caught up with Sulla after the game.

Diomedes: Congratulations on your win today. How does it feel to be
undefeated thus far in the tournament?

Sulla: Thank you. It feels great. Everyone is doing their part and we are
playing extremely well.

Diomedes: With three goals in two games you must feel confident in your
game at this stage.

Sulla: Definately! With everything that was going on leading up to this I
wasn't sure how I was going to perfrom, but I feel good right now, I
just hope I can keep this up.

Diomedes: You guys were under some intense pressure late in the game.
They came close to scoring a few times in the last ten minutes.
Did that scare you guys at all?

Sulla: After they settled down they played very well and we are thankful that
Alcibiades was able to have another impressive game and to hold on to
our lead. That one goal was a good one. There was nothing he could
do about it.

Diomedes: Last question. With the matches against Oliverry and Demot
coming up in just a few days, what do you think your chances are?
I mean, these are the top ranked teams in the division, not many
people are giving you much of a chance.

Sulla: What kind of stupid f&%#$!# question is that? Of course I think our
chances are good! God Damnit! Why do people keep thinking we are
going to get blown out of the water? You f&*#%$! reporters get on
my nerves!

Sulla turns around to leave while Diomedes is chasing him asking him "How do you plan to prepare for your next match??"

Sulla tries to ignore him but he keep pressing him

Sulla: The team is going to prepare the same way we always do. We are
going to sacrifice two three year old oxen and a black sheep to the
Gods and promise wine and six one year old heffers if we win. Now if
you don't leave me the f%!# alone I'm going to make you part of our
pre-game routine!

Diomedes stops dead in his tracks and just stares at him for a moment before running for his life

Memorandum

TO: The Football Associations of Ordinary Reality

FROM: The Monastic Football Association of the Archregimancy

RE: Questions for Fr. John the Golden Throated


Dear Fellow Orthodox, Heretics, Heathens, Pagans, Godless, Freemasons and Anathemised Gnomes,


Perhaps you were expecting a match report on the Archregimancy's easy 2-1 victory over the mammon-worshipping Commerce Heights JSY? No. All we need say about that is to paraphrase a heretic from reality E1USA1865:

Yet, if God wills that we win each match against CH JSY until all the wealth piled by the exploited workers' many years of unrequited toil shall be sunk, and until every drop of sweat drawn by the amorality of consumerist capitalism shall be paid by another drawn on a football field, as was said three thousand years ago, so still it must be said "the judgments of the Lord are true and righteous altogether."
With malice toward none, with charity for all, with firmness in the right as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in, to qualify for World Cup 36, to care for him who shall have played in each qualification match, to do all which may achieve and cherish a just tournament among ourselves and with all nations.


But that's not why we're here today. No. Instead we would like to invite all of the nations participating in World Cup 36 qualifiers to ask new MFA spokesman Fr. John the Golden-Throated a question at the post-match press conferences taking place after each away match. To ask a question, simply send a telegramme to the Archregimancy, or register your question in this very 'thread'.

This is not another one of those 'competitions' littering this tournament. There are no prizes. Your only reward is a chance to ask a question of one of the more enigmatic football associations participating in the World Cup. But every question - no matter how obscure or odd - will be answered at some point during the qualification tournament.

Yours in Christ

The MFA


[OOC - I'm entirely sincere about this. I'm genuinely inviting all of you to ask any IC questions you might like to put to the Archregimancy IC. These will be answered in RPs posted after away matches. Please send via TG or ask in this thread. Fr. John might get mildly exasperated if questions stray too far from football, and he'll enthusiastically denounce heretics and heathens where relevant, but he'll still answer all questions. This very much includes questions from the IC'ly anathemised Az-cz, though we may need to find an IC way around Fr. John's insistence on ignoring anathemised gnomes; regardless, any Az-cz questions will still be answered in the press conference somehow]

Dinkie Dosha dressed like normal reporter and Kate Dallas dressed with a top saying "Trainee Village Bike - be warned".

Dinkie: Hello, it's Dinkie Dosha and with me as my co-host.
Kate: I'm Katey girl. Dazza's little bitch, and this is THE FOOTBALL LIFE aka the Bike Show.
Dinkie: World Cup 36 match day two!
Kate: And it's another beautiful day.

Dinkie: Let's start with the fire bird team err damn it!
Kate: Pheonix, Qazox Pheonix
Dinkie: Yes, Qazox beat Sorthern Northland THREE TWO to record their first win of this cup. Now, that's S-O-R-T-H-E-R-N and not S-O-U-T-H-E-R-N.
Kate: The former Oxen team get those three points and should be getting into gear for an attack on the top 2 positions in Group 3. They aren't Ox but they might just fly!

Dinkie: Another bad Dallas joke. Ariddia! They bounced back from that disappointing draw last game with a solid win against old-timers Lovisa. Yes, it was only TWO NIL but it was a win for the World Cup 35 runners up.
Kate: A close game but classy Ariddians winning when needed. Yes, they are finally getting into the winning habit once again.
Dinkie: There's a lot of Ariddians in the Tel Aviv Sharks ...
Kate: The French need in team in Jeruselem, and it's the Sharks run by ex-Ariddians for Ariddians.

Dinkie: Bettia, bouncing back from the loss to the Bunnies! God, that was an accidental joke ...
Kate: Dallas girls are real bunnies and we know about that. Bettia danced around Dance 2 Revolutuion to take home the three points FOUR TWO and get back on the right track in defense of their cup. No winning dance for D2R this game.
Dinkie: Aroras are a good team and always recover from shocks, like err Bunnies.
Kate: Bouncy bouncy

Dinkie: Jeru FC! The worstest team in Jeruselem. Played their worstest.
Kate: That's Dazza classic joke Dinkie, you're learning from the best but once against the Jeru FC totally stuff it up. Atheistic Right team our army team a lesson beating them FOUR NIL.
Dinkie: Back to old habits
Kate: Happens when you are ranked below 100

Dinkie: Group 9 finally. French-sounding Noirthemme surrended to Planting TWO NIL and they get their first points of this campaign while Noirthemme are planted on the bottom of this group. Not good for Noirthemme so far.
Kate: Yes, I think we found our cellar dweller now.

Dinkie: Fellow Crusaders from St Samuel had a bit of trouble with the cannibals from Patusan, football-wise. 2 ALL draw in the end and the Crusaders, err not us, fail to take advantage of a situation but playing cannibals isn't an everyday occurence.
Kate: I'm worried when we turn up! Me and Mum would be regarded as YUMMY TUMMY

Dinkie: The Gogs as Bettians call them, or Northern Bettia took on the Quaks or err whatever we should call them from Quakmybush. Nothing to with what Kate and Dazza get upto at night. Anyway, the Gogs went crashing to the Quaks THREE ONE.
Kate: Northern Bettia failed a big test, there's one more - Jeruselem.

Dinkie: And best to left to last ... well sorta.
Kate: Jeruselem played Trumanistan and should have won big err but we didn't. We won small, very small ONE NIL. It's Dinkie's fault!
Dinkie: OK, I had many shots on goal and missed them all. Good thing Dazza put on little Katey girl here who saved the team with a penalty goal after getting flattened by trailing foot. Learning from Mum, as we expect.
Kate: (smiles) It wasn't a trailing foot, more like an elbow on two pointy bits.

Dinkie: YAP YAP, what's the goss Katey girl.
Kate: A new book! Written by Mum while she was holidaying in Ariddia as our new Ambassador.
Dinkie: Called?
Kate: (pulls out book) Bikedom for Bimbos!

Dinkie: Dazza in bathtub full of money ...
Kate: Yeah, what's wrong with that Dinkie? You can do that, you're Jewish.
Dinkie: I don't have the money, my husband does - it's the Jewish way.
Kate: Not the Dallas way

Dinkie: That's it from us, ze end of ze FOOTALL LIFE.
Kate: Sur votre veto!

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/juvanya/schmeck.png

Sel Appa Edition


Introduction
Sel Appa is a large country of over 1.3 billion inhabitants. It is located on the continent of Sel Appa, along with MassPwnage, Comunisticturkeys, and De Jewish Mafia. It is a quite diverse nation molding all walks of life together. With a history going back more than four millennia, Sel Appa today is quite modernised and enjoys a prosperous economy. Being a powerful and wealthy nation, it has a mixture of densely-populated urban areas with wide areas of low population and incredible natural beauty.

http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v495/juvanya/th_sel_appa8.png (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/juvanya/sel_appa8.png)

Regions
Nemnenait
Nemnenait is the most populous city in Sel Appa, and is also the capital. An enormous megalopolis, the city's business, financial and trading organizations play a significant role in the economy of the nation and in the region; as a result, the city has the largest regional economy in the country. The city is also one of the region's most important cultural centres.

The city is divided up into 15 sectors of 100km² each and has a population of over 35 million within a land area of 1500 km² (580 square miles), making it the most densely populated city in the region. With a population of over 50 million, the Nemnenait metropolitan area is one of the largest urban areas in the region.

Nemnenait has been a centre of the region's financial system for over four millennia and home to many of the region's most influential stock markets and financial institutions. In addition, it is the birthplace of many Sel Appan cultural movements. The city's cultural vitality has been fueled by immigration since its founding by farmers in 2500 BCE. Nemnenait is also notable for having the lowest crime rate and the highest tax burden among the ten largest Sel Appan cities.

Northern Sel Appa
Northern Sel Appa is the premier cultural, economical, and political hub of the nation that grew up around Nemnenait. It is made up of the provinces of: Anila, Anvorbuod, Demmahom, (North) Eniarku, Fellitshire, South Fellitshire, Fizroe Island, Reddingham, (Reddingham) Annex, Thurmann, and T'lopiq. This region makes up about 45% of the economy, more than any other. Almost all ports and economic centres are located in Northern Sel Appa.

Culturally, the region is very rich. The majority of Sel Appan music has originated in the north or based off of northern styles. A lot of top professional sports is played in the north as well. Currently 7 of the top 10 football clubs play in the north. The largest stadiums also are in the north. Ice hockey is also primarily a northern sport, with just under half of the hockey clubs being based in the north.

Politically, the region contains the capital, Nemnenait, and has long been a political centre. The early Sel Appan nation was centralized in the north. Much of the liberal political ideas originated and are based in the north, notably the democratic socialism that currently governs Sel Appa. A bastion of liberal and democratic thought, the north is also home to Fizroe Island, a symbol of the Grand Archduchy.

French Region
The French Region is a culturally rich part of Sel Appa that has contributed greatly to the arts and diversity in Sel Appa. It consists of the provinces: Belgique, Marseilles, Orleans, Paris, and Versailles. The region is home to the majority of Sel Appa's French-speaking population that has greatly influenced the nation linguistically. Furthermore, a significant amount of art has been generated by French Sel Appan artists. The architecture of this region is renowned throughout the nation for its beauty. The French Region also produces a significant number of footballers, the most well-known being Colin Patette.

Eastern Sel Appa
Eastern Sel Appa is a political hub that designed much of the original communist and socialist thought that gave birth to Sel Appan democratic socialism. It is also home to a majority of Sel Appa's ice hockey base. Main minority languages include Russian and Ukrainian. This region includes the provinces of: Boristag, Cyprus, Eniarku, Gorbachevstag, Josefstag, Khrushchevstag, South Khrushchevstag, Leninstag, Priat, Stalinstag, Vladimirstag, and Yulvanyin. It has produced several footballers, most notably goalkeeper Vasily Kashchenko.

Southern Sel Appa
With a more Oriental basis caused by the mixing of Sel Appa and MassPwnage, Southern Sel Appa adds a unique and diverse flavor to the nation. The cuisine of the region is reputed to be the best in the nation, reflecting its roots in MassPwnage. Many Oriental-style dishes that are popular in Sel Appa come from this region. It has also produced a few notable footballers that are currently on the national team, such as Kash Vasou. The Natives province adds another twist with a more "primitive" style of living. The region includes the provinces of: Datooi, Shanghai, Natives, Phork, Pukapuka, Thikket, and Thingpao.



(Part 1 of an ongoing series for those planning to visit Sel Appa...)

To: The Monastic Football Association of the Archregimancy

From: The Elven Footballing Association

RE: Questions for Fr. John the Golden Throated

We in the ESF have long pondered your nations stance on our culture, religion, and just where we fit into your spectrum of sentients. There is great debate in halls of our university as to whether or not we would be in the pagan or herectical label. As our religions deity was once mortal, we the similarities between our religions a tad odd. As such, we humble request your stance on the aforementioned notions and will be looking forward to your responces.

Health N Happiness,
The EFA

New Qazian Press

Pheonix Steal a Win

Well now, this is a bit more like it, but still not impressive. A 3-2 win over Sorthern Northland that saw the Pheonix miss, by this reporter's count, 6 easy shots on net and that translated into a closer game that most expected.

Qazox got off on a good foot this time as Yancy Fry scored in the 11th minute weaving through the SN defense and slapping the ball past George Parmer. The crowd at sold-out James Connolly Stadium in Beningrad was deathly silent after Fry's goal, but the relentless attack by the home side finally paid off in the 40th minute as Ben O'Bagels managed to slide one by John Freel, sending the crowd into a frenzy.

But the more experienced Pheonix showed that they'd learned from the Candelaria And Marquez game of last week, and 2 Tomas Richter goals 4 minutes apart silenced the 50,000 again.

If not for a goal just into injury time by O'Bagels, Qazox would have came away with an impressive 2 goal victory, heading into the home opener next week against Zwangzug at the SaxerDome. The vast majority of experts believe that one of these two teams will go directly into the next round, while the other will have to go through qualifers. Since this match is at home, Qazox has a slight advantage, but one they usually fail to expolit. My prediction is a 1-all draw.


Match Summary:
11': Goal (QZX) Yancy Fry
40': Goal (SN) Ben O'Bagels
53': Goal (QZX) Tomas Richter
57': Goal (QZX) Tomas Richter (2)
90+: Goal (SN) Ben O'Bagels


Shots:
SN: 9
Qazox: 16

Corners:
SN: 2
Qazox: 5

FOULS:
SN: 6
Qazox: 4

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/bellzantium.pngBellzantium || 0 - 2 || Daehanjeigukhttp://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/daehanjeiguk.png

An easy victory yields high hopes!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/media/images/38075000/jpg/_38075661_koreagoal_ap_300.jpg

It was a pleasant match in Bellzantium, as the Imperial Han Football Team records a 0-2 victory over the home team. It also keeps the team on top of the group, trailing closely with the Archregimancy. In its first two matches, the Imperial Han Team has put up a great show, and despite its upcoming match against the Archregimancy - the highest seed in the group - the Team remains positive about its prospects.

The match opened to minimal fanfare, and those few visitors from the Han side managed to stir the crowd into a shouting competition. It was quickly apparent that the Han Empire boasted the best and loudest cheers, but the real contest began on the field, as the two sides trade blows and shots. The Bellzantium team lacked sufficient steam to carry most of its shots, but the Han side were equally frustrated. Undeterred, it was an early shot from Seo Jeongweon, off a cross from Kim Daeeui, who led the team's two goals in the 36th minute. The score at halftime was an optimistic 1-0. The second half started rather poorly, as one of the Han players (Yi Sabik) demonstrated his superb martial arts skill on one of the Bellzantium players in the 49th minute. It was perhaps a provoked confrontation, but after kicking the player clear of the posts, the standing officials had no difficulty giving him a red card. The player was evidently injured in the random (but not quite rare) tantrum from Yi Sabik, as he earns his reputation on the team as one of the most ill-tempered players in the league. The one-less person status seemingly favored the Bellzantium side, but with their key striker injured, the Han defenders were comfortable one-man down. With another corner kick, Kim Daeeui makes a direct shot on goal, after the Bellzantium defense broke down in the 78th minute. It was a very powerful strike that left the goalkeeper no chance to recover the ball, and left the Imperial side comfortable on defense. The Han contingent made their presence known at the close, letting room for another shout contest which the Han side again won.

With their morale riding high, the Imperial Team comes back home to face the potent Archregimancy. An extremely orthodox team (literally and figuratively), they boast much of the conventional strength that the Han ordinarily lacks. But as they are rather old, and likely held back by their long robes, the Han side hopes to capitalize on their youth to outrun their opponents. Head Coach Cha Beomgeun commented on the upcoming match on the return trip: "It's going to very difficult. They're our first real challenge, and I have no doubt that they will make us pay for our mistakes, but I'm also hoping that the players will be seasoned by their performance in the Oxen Cup against Cafundeu, to make it a draw. Of course, they're young, but the Archregimancy have much more experience, and I don't doubt that they will pose a threat at every vantage point. But we will have to keep our posture to make this as painless as possible. I'm praying that we can get a win out of this match, but as we're the only two teams undefeated at the moment, one of us is going to be very dearly disappointed." Man of the match Seo Jeongweon also made remarks: "We've had it pretty easy for our first two matches, playing against teams that were statistically worse than us. But if we play by the same game, we'll have more to manage against the Archregimancy, because the difference is vast. In their last two matches, they've won by a one goal margin, and no doubt they'll play that into their hand."

Summary of Events:
39' - HAN Goal (#6)
49' - HAN RC (#4)
49' - BEL Injury
78' - HAN Goal (#10)

Due to the RC for Yi Sabik, Cha Beomgeun has announced changes in the line up, ahead of the match against the Archregimancy:

Kim Yongdae

Kim Chigon Pak Geonha Choi Jincheol

Go Jongsu Yi Eulyong Song Jongguk Heo Jeongmu

Seo Jeongweon

Yi Dongguk Kim Daeeui

GROUP 12

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Daehanjeiguk 2 2 0 0 4 1 +3 6
2 The Archregimancy 2 2 0 0 3 1 +2 6
3 Jariss 2 1 1 0 3 1 +2 4
4 Wentland 2 1 1 0 2 1 +1 4
5 Jaseuyeon 2 1 0 1 2 2 0 3
6 Cebumopolis 2 0 0 2 1 3 −2 0
7 Central Prestonia 2 0 0 2 2 5 −3 0
8 Bellzantium 2 0 0 2 0 3 −3 0

Inside the Flaggon Dragon

<TV announcer: Once last lunge here by Ben Serrant, and It's taken away by Jamie Ota! Ota passes to Allan Copp and he slings it to Clinton Lichtenberg; Lichtenberg has its, jukes Daiki Suzuki and GOOOOOOOAL!!!! 2 minutes into injury time at it's now 3-1 Potheads!!! and the ref blows the whistle It's over!!! the Potheads rebound with a thrilling 3-1 win over British Londinium>
Goals were scored by: Clinton Lichtenberg 17', 92' and Lonnie Dejohn in the 30th, while British Londinum's lone goal came from Paul Fletcher in the 62nd. Up next for the Potheads is a trip to Limbrogidlia. Sativaville is favored, but the injury to Mathew Dossey may see Jamie Ota up in the midfield insted of his usual sweep. >


Mayor Cremit: Thank you very much for the 50 Weed Seeds. My secretary needs a new cat-suit.

Police Chief Danner: They were lucky, British Londinium always does crappy on the road.

Cremit: you're just mad 'cause of that goal late. 100 Weed Seeds says that we score at least 4 goals against Limberger.

Danner: You're on and it's Limbrogidlia, not limburger.

Cremit: what ever, all I know is my secretary is going to be buying those edible panties I like next week.

The bartender turns off his I-Pod and slips into the back room...
<in the back Room on the phone...>

Bartender: Yes, they're here again, and they're betting again.
(waits for the voice on the other end to finish speaking).
Yeah, 100WS this time. Listen, Sir, how much more evidence do we need?
(waits for the voice on the other end to finish speaking).
I understand, but sir, so far they've not mentioned the Surplus or the man they have on the team, that's supposedly there to prevent the team from qualifing for the World Cup.
(waits for the voice on the other end to finish speaking).
Ok sir, I'll keep you appraised/
<Hangs up phone>

FLoG Victorious in Second Match Day
By Diawsam
Grotewohl Associated Press

At the Arbeider Arena in Arbeiderstad, USSE, FLoG founds its way to its second victory in the World Cup 36 qualifying round. Currently tied for the lead in Group 6, FLoG is having a strong showing so far. This match day FLoG found itself facing Vilita, 4th place finishers from World Cup 35. It was a hard fought match with the end result being 3-2 in favor of the mighty FLoG.

Starting the game off, Vilita showed its experience as the first goal was scored within five minutes of the start of the game. Superior teamwork and ball handling found a Vilita striker with a one on one situation against Goobam. A great shot by the striker was deflected by Goobam. Unfortunately, the ball still found itself into the goal.

At this point there was a shift by the midfield more towards the defense, with Dizzy and G.P. appearing to almost being defenders. A strong push by Vilita was stopped by Ztat who managed a long pass to Ash. Ash then passed off to Wen. A push by Wen found the ball close to the goal. Wen passed to Auq, who one touched the ball to Qak. Qak then also one touched the ball directly into the goal. FLoG's offense was looking like a well oiled machine.

40 minutes into the first half, Vilita's teamwork found the ball dangerously close to the goal. A risky slide tackle by Rad'pole created a close set kick near the goal. While it might have stopped the goal that would have ensued from the play, it inevitably had no effect. Once again Vilita scored from the play of the penalty kick.

After the half, FLoG focused foward, not allowing the ball to get to the backfield nearly as often. From watching since the BoF, I have seen the midfield of FLoG grow in strength quite a bit. G.P. has become quite the defender, as well as Dizzy. Ash on the other had has become very skilled at setting up the plays down the field.

About 15 minutes into the second half, a pass from Dizzy to Auq started a run with Qak and Auq. The brothers have become quite adept at working together and getting passed defenders. In the end a pass from Qak to Auq setup Auq for a power kick on goal. While the goalkeeper was able to get in front of the shot, he did not keep control of the ball. And as seen many times before, Qak took advantage and knocked the ball in.

The last goal was scored minutes later in a very similar way. A pass from Wen to Qak, started a Auq and Qak run. This time Auq took his shot, and the keeper had to take a dive for the ball. He got his fingers on the ball but the momentum carried the ball into the net. With the lead, Wen pulled back from offense and became a defender. Now with a 5-1-1-3 setup, Vilita was unable to pull any offense plays and the game ended 3-2.

With the second match ended, the rankings for Group 5 are as follows:

Group 6 P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 The Holy Empire [AIF] 2 2 0 0 10 1 +9 6
2 Grotewohl 2 2 0 0 8 3 +5 6
3 Vilita 2 1 0 1 5 4 +1 3
4 British Londinium 2 1 0 1 4 4 0 3
5 Sativaville 2 1 0 1 3 6 −3 3
6 Limbrogidlia 2 0 1 1 1 3 −2 1
7 Herchimer 2 0 1 1 1 5 −4 1
8 Ulzaxid 2 0 0 2 2 8 −6 0

Top goal scorers for FLoG
1. Qak- 4 goals 2 per game average
2. Sun- 2 goals 1 pga
3. Wen- 1 goal 0.5 pga
4. Auq- 1 goal 0.5 pga

On a side note, Endmile found itself tied 1-1, making them 0-1-1 with 1 point. Not a strong start, especially after they defeated FLoG in the BoF. Has Endmile faltered? or has FLoG increased in skill? Time will tell for sure. The next match will be against The Holy Empire [AIF], the only other team in the group that is undefeated.

May the Football League of Grotewohl continue in the favor of the gods.

Diawsam the Seer

"Hello Jean Christophe."

"Hello Jean Claude."

"And where does this international Philosophy World Cup take us today?"

"It is a strange nation, known as Ulzaxid, where our opponents on the field of debate seem to be a strange amalgamation of beasts who share a single brain structure in each twinned combination."

"How strange this is. How do we argue philosophy with non-human conjoined entities? And why is the field of debate made out as a football field again? Is the sport of football to be a recurring theme in this philosophy tournament, Jean Christophe?"

"I do not know, Jean Claude, but it would appear that our team's nihilists have taken matters into their own hands. Observe how they attempt to prove the utter meaningless of objective morality by fearsomely scything down the strange creatures of Ulzaxid."

"But why does not the referee show them a red card? They may believe they are beyond ethics, but surely....?"

"Ah, I believe I understand, Jean Claude; it would seem that the nihilists have decided to demonstrate the total lack of objective morality in the ordinary world by bribing the referee. Truly, they are beyond good and evil."

"Do not tell me they've been reading Nietzsche again?"

"Fortunately, no, Jean Claude. However, I did find this in Jean Yves' locker."

"Dostoyevsky? But haven't they read through to the bit at the end? You know, the bit where Raskolnikov, despite his earlier attempt to prove himself beyond ordinary ethical constraints, is so consumed with guilt at the double murder he has committed that he admits all to the police and resigns himself to a morally redemptive Siberian exile accompanied by the proverbial prostitute with a heart of gold? Not a very nihilistic ending if you ask me."

"Apparently they have not read the end, Jean Claude. Observe again their attitude to their opponents. They each must believe themselves to be the incipient ubermensch. Ouch. One would have thought a clothesline tackle to the opposing centre forward would be enough to have you sent off. Truly the referee must be paid well for turning a blind eye to this charade."

"But I cannot help but notice that we are 'winning' 5-1. Perhaps we should ourselves turn a blind eye to our nihilist colleagues' rather forthright approach. It does not matter how we win this debate, Jean Christophe, so long as the superiority of our existential despair is proven once again."

"I quite agree, Jean Claude. Gitane?"

"Don't mind if I do, Jean Christophe... don't mind if I do...."

Graham City Sun: Sports Section

New Galaxy Robbed of Victory
Managerial Situation Remains Murky
Iain Macintosh

RUGIERO - The 'New Galaxy,' as the press here in the Alliance has taken to calling them, got their first official international match today in the nation of Rugiero, whose squad recently visited the Alliance to take part in the Tournament. Despite being ranked much lower than the Galaxy, most Clan supporters went in somewhat nervous, this being the first ever competitive match for the youth-centric Galaxy under the guidance of Bazalonian Andrew Creek and assistant manager and former captain Silas McGinney, who looks to take over the squad next cup. This particular dynamic between a manager whose been expected to step down and his assistant who most would assume to be grinding at the bit to take his place is enough to keep any dedicated Clanner interested in this World Cup. The FFLC has declared it will only replaced Creek if he resigns, despite the rumored push by McGinney's former Galaxy teammate Iska Djukashenki to replace Creek.

On the pitch however, their seemed to be little sense of distraction as the youth side dominated Rugiero throughout the whole game. Vancouver Whitecaps prospect Nathan Mannic hardly touched the ball in the first twenty five minutes, whose only opportunities to see it were back passes from the starting centreback pair of Adam Westley and Rudy Nestin. By the end of the half, the Galaxy had his the woodwork four times and had eighteen shots. The Galaxy's failure to score throughout this domination has highlighted one of the criticisms made of this squad: despite the moderately attacking nature of Creek's usual tactics, the star finisher does not seem to be present on th squad.

Just after the resumption of play, Rugiero finally put together an attacking move, testing the Galaxy defense. The attacking drive however, faltered almost instantly, with the chip from the right wing falling well ahead of the attacking forward. With Nestin back to play it, the forward dived into a two-footed tackle that caught Nestin in the Achilles tendon, sending him down screaming in pain. Despite the obvious red-cardable offense, the play was allowed to continue, with that very same forward jumped up on the ball and chipped it over Mannic, who was stunned and unable to react in time as the ball went past him. The Galaxy nearly stormed the field, being stopped only by the coaching staff as The Bandit went crazy at the fourth official, who despite being beet red, ignored them completely. The Galaxy returned on just ten minutes later, with Rubian Tomislav scoring his first ever NT goal, but by that point the Galaxy had burned themselves out.

Despite dominating the match, they returned to the Alliance with only a 1-all draw robbed by the referee, which has highlighted a serious claim that the FFLC push international refereeing standards into the international game. With President Daniel Davies being open to the idea, there has been a large portion of the media recently who have been open to the idea, particularly myself. That piece of trash that was allowed on a football pitch should mean that squad never be allowed on the pitch again.

Rugiero 1 - 1 The Lowland Clans
MATCH STATS TLC Rugiero

SHOTS (ON GOAL) 29 (20) 3 (1)
POSSESSION 59% 41%
CORNERS 10 0
FREE KICKS 14 6
FOULS 4 12
PASSES COMPLETE 79% 56%
CROSS COMPLETE 31% 0%
TACKLES WON 72% 45%
HEADERS WON 62% 38%
YELLOW CARDS 0 3
RED CARDS 0 0

Galaxy Lineup (4-3-3)
GK: Mannic 7
DR: Heath 8
DL: Hock 8
DC: Nestin (Inj 46') 7, Westley 7, Xavier (On 48') 7
DM: Clive (Off 67') 8, Kilgallow (On 67') 7
MC: Androvic 7, McGilarny 9*
AMR: Julio de Mata 8
AML: Palaiopolous 8
ST: Tomislav 9 (G: 1)

Galaxy Thump Bostopia in London
Neil Kelly Comes Out in Support of McGinney Management
Iain Macintosh

LONDON, ASLC - As the New Galaxy thomped third-seed Bostopia at home, the managerial situation took another wild turn today as former national team striker and now manager at Iron Hull Dockworkers FC, backed McGinney to take over by the halfway point in the qualifiers.

"Creek has been an above average manager, and hasn't brought the Galaxy the kind of success that we were expecting after the ViLC cup here in the Alliance. He's done a great job with the Fed (shorthand for the FFLC), but I think it's time McGinney take over. He's perfect for this new format, and he's got a great understanding of the kids in the program," he said at an interview with www.ihdfc.tlc (http://www.ihdfc.tlc). Neither the Fed nor Andrew Creek has responded to the statement, though word has been spreading over the internet that McGinney and Creek had a row yesterday in training, but no one would comment over it. "We're here to play football, not gossip," said midfielder/striker Rubian Tomislav.

Despite the win today, I can't help but wonder how long before this situation starts to unravel the team, who have only been together four international matches. The fact that this team is young, and probably a little racked with nerves means these young men need a strong manager who can cultivate their talents on an international setting. Most of these players will never see each other outside of this arena, and need a strong sense of togetherness and a positive locker room atmosphere, and a poisonous managerial contest will not help things.

Another one of the developing plot threads is the starting eleven battle. While Mannic and Black are the assumed two starting keepers, young Ben Perry has shown some enormous talent with the FISF, and showed it today with his start against Bostopia. While he probably won't usurp Mannic's spot in the depth chart, he could give Black some pause. In the midfield, Julio de Mata has probably locked up the starting place, with de Vois getting the backup job, but with de Mata's temper, de Vois might be given more time under a McGinney regime, who is well known to appreciate a player with great composure.

The New Galaxy really had something to play for today, after the match in Rugiero. While Bostopia hit out on a quick counter attack in the sixth minute, with Harry Auderrie scoring on an admittedly brilliant shot, that curved past the diving Perry, they were shut out after that point. Perry made three beautiful stops, one reaching out of nowhere to grab a deflection off of a Michael Wake freekick that hit the wall. Rubian Tomislav dominated the midfield, along with his partner Adam Westley, who moved up to play midfield in the standard 4-4-2 formation used this week by Creek. While Westley wore the captains armband in the last two games, Tomislav is making a strong case to win it before the World Cup.

With the score tied 1-all at the end of the half, the crowd at Tellman Field took over, giving the New Galaxy a boost as they returned to the pitch at halftime. Padraig Hamilton put the Galaxy in the lead with a true cannon of a shot from twenty-five yards out. The Clan squad dominated the midfield, with Kilgallow often moving up into defensive midfield position to provide a pivot, switching fields at will. His presence also deterred Auderrie, Cripps and Marsh from getting to far ahead of themselves, as he won a remarkable 89% of his tackles in the rear midfield. After coming on for Hamilton, Mark Tomsworth put the game beyond reach with a cheeky chip from just outside the box in the seventieth minute.

The Lowland Clans 3 - 1 Bostopia
de Mata (31') - Auderrie (6)
Hamilton (47')
Tomsworth (70')
MATCH STATS TLC Bostopia

SHOTS (ON GOAL) 15 (12) 8 (4)
POSSESSION 53% 47%
CORNERS 14 3
FREE KICKS 5 7
FOULS 4 3
PASSES COMPLETE 75% 67%
CROSS COMPLETE 23% 15%
TACKLES WON 81% 64%
HEADERS WON 55% 45%
YELLOW CARDS 1 2
RED CARDS 0 0


Galaxy Lineup (4-4-2)
GK: Perry 8
DR: Heath 7
DL: Hock 7
DC: Kilgallow 7, Kepah 7
MC: Westley 8, Tomislav 9*
MR: Julio de Mata 7 (G: 1)
ML: Palaiopolous (off 80') 7, De Vois (on 80') 6
ST: Hamilton (off 65') 8 (G: 1), Alameida 7, Tomsworth (on 65') (G: 1)

Galaxy Lineup for @ THELEMA ABBEY (4-4-2)
GK: Black
DR: Stjepan
DL: Xavier
DC: Westley, Kilgallow
MR: de Mata
ML: Palaiopolous
MC: McGilarny, Clive
ST: Tomislav, Alameida

Etoka Journal-Tribune
“Now with larger print for those hung-over mornings”

Better, but still not enough as Raptors fall 3-1 again

LEA MONDE, ASSEGAI DEVELOPMENTS – Despite still lacking any official coaching staff, the Raptors at least somewhat resembled a competent football squad against Assegai Developments. Granted, the host Riskbreakers would prove to be more competent, giving the Raptors their second straight 3-1 defeat.

For the opening half-hour, the score held at nil-nil. It was the 31st minute when the Raptors fell behind. A miscue during a clearing attempt left Assegai’s Fleur Delacour in possession at midfield. With Raptor defenders out of position, Delacour’s quick pass to Stephen de Cobham was redirected into the back of the net. As the first half drew to a close, Assegai Developments would make it 2-0. Following a save by the aptly-named Winnefred Save, the Riskbreakers put on a short-pass clinic getting the ball to captain Ashley Riot. Riot out-maneuvered multiple Raptor defenders before finding a wide-open Samantha Neesa for the goal.

In the second half Assegai played passive, believing that their two-goal lead wouldn’t be threatened. That belief would hold true for just over 23 minutes, until Raptor forwards Rebecca Sorcha and Kara Campbell connected to make it a one-goal game. Assegai Developments responded by returning to the aggressive play of the first half, which paid off ten minutes later. In the 78th, a back pass to Raptors keeper Paul Marcellus was intercepted by Viktor Krum and promptly converted into the third and final Assegai Developments goal.

Scoring:
1. AD (Stephen de Cobham) 31st (Assist: Fleur Delacour)
2. AD (Samantha Neesa) 44th (Ashley Riot)
3. Aur (Kara Campbell 1) 68th (Rebecca Sorcha)
4. AD (Viktor Krum) 78th Unassisted

Jeruselem Government News

Book Reviews by Wayne Wastle

Hi folks. Dazza Dallas gave a free copy of Bikedom for Bimbos! so it's my review book for JGN this week. Looking around, there wasn't much else to read except a book called Mormons aren't Morons. I've met some Mormons and I think they are Morons.

Back to Bikedom for Bimbos! The target audience is not for men like me but I try to work out what the Bike is going on about. It's pretty much a guide to how "bike" yourself around the place selectively to gain fame and favour. Yes, it's just a guide how to be slut for financial gain without working as whore.

Now, the first chapter is most important one! It basically tells what sort of person you need to succeed in bikedom. She makes it clear, it's not everyone and only people with a certain personality can make it work. Well, pretty much the entire first half of the book is about the hard work you have to do first.

The second half off the book reads more like a textbook of techniques for charming men to get them to do you want them to do. I'm quite familiar with what Dazza does to gain favours because she used them on me when we were dating. Actually, for men the first half of the book is pointless but men should really read the second half of this book. It basically explains the female psychology of how women try to control us.

Oh yes, there's pictures of Dazza in this book - including some rather obscene ones which explains why kids can't buy it. The cover is Dazza Dallas in bathtub full of money, which would get some rather excited - Dazza Dallas nude and money.

I can recommend this book! There's something for women and men in it and we can all learn something from it. Yes, if you want to be bike like Dazza Dallas - she's only one which can explain how it's done. Those curious about my wife and how she shapes up as a "bike". She said she'd make good a bike except there's no real need.

There's going be French version of this book released later for those people who live in countries like Oliverry and Ariddia.

…causing operators to swallow the poison darts. The recall has sent the share price of Nimbus Blowpipes PC diving to a three year low.

Turning to sporting news now on Raidyo Yum PC. The Patusan national team today scored a 2-all away draw to infidel St Samuel, a huge improvement over the recent massive defeat against the impure Quakmybush. Nevertheless, team coach Nazir Haneef Suleyari is still not happy with the team. He is reported to have said that the team needs to absorb the heart and the guts from other, more powerful teams before they can truly be a force in international football. Tenders will be sought from any corporations that can source such inspirational qualities at a competitive price.

In an update just to hand Cybermen PC have admitted that the genetically engineered super-warriors have been found to have defective sexual organs. Discoveries of teeth…

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/cannibalpot.gif

“Hello everyone and welcome to Tynelian Soccer Weekly and our ongoing coverage of the World Cup 36 qualifiers. I’m your hostess Dinah Miller along with the newly nicknamed Amy ‘the seer’ Whiteworth.”

“Well a seer’s better than a jinx I guess Dinah.”

“Well you’re the one who successfully called the 2-1 win over the Son of a Monkey in today’s match so you get the new nickname.”

“Then I guess I better thank Marcus Dalton for my new nickname then.”

“Yes, you may very well have to after he provided both of Tynelia’s goal’s today for the win as the team experienced some of the problems that go along with facing a newcomer to the world scene.”

“Yes that unfortunate power failure would have thrown some teams off their game Dinah, but the veteran Tynelian squad managed to come though just fine and get a nice road win.”

“You could tell the Monkeys had watched game film of our matchday one performance as they had Tina Conroy closely covered the entire match to neutralize her attack. However this just left things open for Dalton who picked up the slack and got us the needed win as both the Elves and AD both won.”

“This is already turning into a three horse race Dinah. All three of the top seeds now sit at 6 points with already a four point advantage over anyone else. If this keeps up the only thing people will wonder in the second half is which one of us will have to get in via the playoffs.”

“Yes but I’m sure people will be aware of that as for once our group seems to have a great deal of press coverage this time around. A rarity for a Tynelian group.”

“But it was good to see the coming out party for Marcus Dalton. He was expected to do big things here after being immediately thrown into the starters spot and after a quiet first match, which was in part because of Tina’s three goals so fast that the team played defensively the rest of the match. Today he showed what he is capable of.”

“I agree, he might very well be the next big threat to Coach Masterson’s all time scoring mark.”

“We have a solid matchup next for the team as 4th seed and 53rd ranked Kampfers visits the Sun Stadia for its first match of these qualifiers. Kampfers will definitely need a win here to avoid dropping even further behind after only three matches. But the big match of the group has to be when the Elves find AD coming to their stadium for the first real test for both sides in the qualifiers. Hopefully Tynelia won’t get caught out scoreboard watching and take care of their own business at home Amy.”

“I don’t think that will be a problem Dinah. We’ve come a long way from our first cup. In fact you could even say we’re one of the more veteran teams left now. Not in the Schiavonia or Jerusalem class of course but there’s not a huge number of teams who have been in more than 10 cups.”

“That’s a good point and a nice segue into a special feature to celebrate our tenth cup. We will look back at the 10 biggest moments in Tynelian soccer history and we start at #10.”

“I remember this one Dinah even though I was on the bench for it. We faced Rorysville in our very first Baptism of Fire match and won 1-0 on a goal from Troy Wallace off a nice pass from now Coach Jay Masterson. Vladimar ‘the Wall’ Malloy had the first of what would be three shutouts in the four matches of group play with only 1 goal allowed total before we fell to the Green Wombats in the quarterfinals of the BoF 3-1.”

“The first of what would be a long run for three of the teams there as Qazox was also part of that BoF and fell 1-0 in the final day of group play to us.”

“Yes but they more than made up for that last Cup after they knocked us out of group play.”

“Unfortunately that’s true. Haraki ended up winning that BoF didn’t they?”

“I believe Becquerelia actually beat them in the finals Dinah.”

“You may be right there, we’ll have to have our stats folk go digging for that one later. But now back to the present and Kampfers at home. Since you’re the seer you go first this time Amy.”

“OK Dinah, Kampfers has had a tough start with only one point so far but they had to face the ESF in the first matchup so you can’t count that against them. The draw with Ad’ihan was a surprise though and they have only one goal so far. I think we’re better on both sides of the ball so far with our new outlook and I’ll say we come out on top with a 2-0 win here Dinah.”

“I think you’re forgetting Tynelia for some reason has trouble at home against these midranked squads so I think it’ll be closer than that. I’m going to surprise people and say it’s a 1-1 draw.”

“A draw Dinah?”

“Yeah I know, but after two good matches I think they’re due to have a slip up and Kampfers is just the sort of underachieving decent team that is going to find their form at the worst possible time for us. Besides I was way off last time so I figure I have to make up for it.”

“If you say so. Does that mean I can call you ‘the seer’ if you’re right?”

“Sorry Amy I’m the only one who can give out nicknames its in my contract.”

“Too bad.”

“Well that’s our show for today. Tune in next time for our coverage live from the Sun Stadia where we take on Kampfers in a must win match for them even if we’re only just beginning. Amy and I will be back after for the post game show so until Tynelian Soccer Weekly returns, have a pleasant evening.”

Second-phase qualifiers in the World Baseball Classic, that was a great shock of delight. Third in the Oxen Cup, that was wonderful. Fourth in the Baptism of Fire from nowhere, that was... goodness knows what.

But this is special.

Kura-Pelland's 1-0 defeat of The Islands of Qutar in the first international match in the White Hope Stadium in Trilan may be remembered for years as the defining moment in the country's emergence. The whole landmass was united in celebration too, as Vephrall pulled off an even more stunning upset, beating Turori by the same score.

While the Islanders were strong in the early stages, they only once truly threatened, when an ambitious long shot clipped the outside of the right post in the 23rd minute. At the other end, Kura-Pelland came out of their shell upon withstanding the early pressure, and came close themselves six minutes before the break, Jamie Kirklees forcing an excellent reaction save after latching onto an ambitious Walter Tensen long ball.

Neither team looked convincing in attack in the second half, though much of that was down to good defending that frustrated both attacking lineups. If some of the players looked happy with the 0-0 score, manager Andy Woolworth certainly wasn't, replacing Giorgio Pezzoni with Brian Hugill in the 72nd minute, earlier even than Hugill was thrown on when the team trailed Sel Appa in their last match.

This time, it worked.

A free-kick 30 yards out on the left side from Neil Forrest was deflected off a defender for a corner, Alan Grahams took it, Hugill nodded it in at the far post. Delerium, and Hugill looked in shock. 83 minutes down, and the lead was theirs.

The last ten minutes (including three of stoppage time) seemed to last forever. But the final whistle, barely heard amongst other whistles from the stands, was the cue for unbridled joy. Yes, this was a small step. But one hell of a step it was.

'This is the feeling we want to get again and again and we now know what it's like and how to get it... it's an amazing feeling in front of our home fans for the first time,' Woolworth told NTV1 after the game.

The audience for this one? 54.5% audience share, the biggest audience (absolute and relative) in Kura-Pellandi history.

The next two matches are on rival YourNet's Super6.

Still regretting that BoF-induced partial selloff of sporting rights, NTV?

Ad'ihan's first two World Cup qualifying international matches have resulted in the national team's first two-ever points. The number two might be lucky for the team: 2 games played, 2 draws, 2 goals scored, 2 goals conceded, 2 points.

In the team's first-ever competitive home match, on matchday 1 against The Sons of a Monkey, only a 90th-minute penalty kick by Aqueebmahteef Inajarbsidedabed after substitute Lee Conway had brought Inajarbsidedabed down separated the side from three points. Conway later apologised on national television of his own free will, although he strongly criticised the referee.

"There was no contact. Zilch. Zéro. Nada. None at all. All a dive by that Inajar guy."

Ad'ihan then travelled to face Kampfers, a team known by many back home only for their baseball exploits against Liverpool England, and escaped from a barrage with just nine men after Lenny Fowler was sent off for a second bookable offence and Chris Stall had to hobble off after all substitutes were used. Defender Pierre Marquis scored an 84th minute equaliser from a corner after he connected beautifully with his head.

The team travel back to Ad'ihan to face Tylero next, before the first stern test of the campaign.

MD#..OPPONENT...............VENUE..................SCORE
FR1..JERUSELEM..............DAZZA DALLAS STADIUM...L1-6
FR2..THE LOWLAND CLANS......PROTECTORATE STADIUM...L0-1
MD1..THE SONS OF A MONKEY...PROTECTORATE STADIUM...D1-1
MD2..KAMPFERS...............AWAY/UNKNOWN...........D1-1
MD3..TYLERO.................PROTECTORATE STADIUM
MD4..ELVES SECURITY FORCES..HATIRE MEMORIAL
MD5..ASSEGAI DEVELOPMENTS...PROTECTORATE STADIUM
MD6..TYNELIA................GROVERS PARK
MD7..AURENDIA...............JOHNSON STADIUM
FR3
MD8..THE SONS OF A MONKEY...AWAY/UNKNOWN
MD9..KAMPFERS...............PROTECTORATE STADIUM
MD10 TYLERO.................AWAY/UNKNOWN
MD11 ELVES SECURITY FORCES..GROVERS PARK
MD12 ASSEGAI DEVELOPMENTS...CATHEDRAL PARK
MD13 TYNELIA................SUN STADIA
MD14 AURENDIA...............PROTECTORATE STADIUM

*Grovers Park is located in Orean on mainland Liverpool England, a five-hour time difference

The Jariss team returns to their lockeroom in the Jariss Arena after earning their first win of the qualifiers 3-1 over Central Prestonia. Now on their longest ever undefeated streak and currently tied for third in the group, the team is beginning to feel confident about their chances this time around.

Fya Panai: We’re so awesome, another win woohoo!

Goru Lyani: Yeah we’re doing great so far. I told you the pontoroo helix was a great move to try out in the game.

Joa Giranu: Was that what you called it? No wonder you were out of position the whole second half. Cafundeu teaches you real tactics.

Minna Dawo: Who cares? I got two goals, I should have got the hat trick though, no way your toe deflected that last shot Li.

Li Chu: It was a most dishonorable way of gaining a goal Miss Dawo I agree. I should have been more aware of your shot. I shall challenge the scorekeeper to a duel of honor to get it changed.

<Gia Banama smacks Li upside the head>

Gia Banama: Listen you, I finally got Tali over her “they scored I suck” mentality so I’m not about to have you apologizing and going off beating people up because they looked at you funny. You take the goal and like it.

Li: But honor demands I avenge the act and your insult but…

Gia: Its dishonorable to strike a woman, especially an older one right?

Li: Yes.

Gia: There see? You’ll get so tied up in honor that you’re going to be useless in another match or two. Just play the game, take what you can get. If it’s a bad call no flying kicks on the refs either. Or you’ll answer to me young man.

Li: Yes ma’am.

Kalo Yannia: You’re going to be a real firm mother one of these days Gia.

Gia: Ha! Leni’s too scared to think about dealing with children. But that won’t last much longer.

<Coach Pitu Kirui and Leni Banama enter the locker room>

Coach Pitu: Well done, a most un-Jarissian like showing out there on the pitch. Lots of goals indeed. But maybe we should not be so aggressive and all, its like bad manners to score so much sometimes. The other team has feelings to you know.

Leni: Coach this isn’t the home league, we need to score when we can to advance.

Coach Pitu: oh yes I know that but perhaps in the future we could only score one more goal than the other team? It would be more sporting that way.

Leni: <patiently> But Coach, we have no way of knowing how much the other team will score. What if we only scored twice and then stopped but they scored at the end of the match to tie us.

Coach Pitu: hmm, indeed, that would be quite tricky. Very well then, but go no more than two goals ahead. That way if they do score late we can still win.

Leni: Sure coach. <rolls his eyes at the team when Coach Pitu looks away as Fya and Minna giggle>

Coach Pitu: Yes, yes we’re doing quite well so far indeed. Now we’re playing, hmm where’s that schedule at? Ah yes Cum-bye-ah.

Leni: Cebumopolis Coach.

Coach Pitu: My another odd sounding place. Hmm well they have lost their first two matches so they will be most eager to win one so its best to take them very seriously. And we’ll be traveling to their stadium as well, very tricky situation that is. They will surely have many fans cheering them but you are used to big crowds now so that ploy shall fail. The defense is doing quite well so far so we must continue that most proper Jarissian effort once more this match. Minna and Li shall have to make sure they play well also so we do not end up on the short end of the score. It would be most unfortunate to lose to a team ranked much below us. Very bad for morale. Indeed. We are doing quite well so far so you should keep up our fine play and we shall visit the World Cup itself!

Leni: OK coach, time to hit the showers everyone. Good game today.

<Tali Vindu whispers to Riena Querre>

“When’s Coach Maru coming back?”

Meanwhile in McKillops Bridge (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/McKillops_Bridge).

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/NewStatesmanMasthead.gif

QUIETLY SPOKEN CAPTAIN SHUTS OUT OPPONENTS

The media block out in Errinundera during most of qualifying for World Cup 35 meant that a new superstar appeared on the scene without announcement. The thoughtful, expressively featured but quietly spoken #1 goalkeeper, onito, did not concede a single away goal during qualifying, something that her compatriots didn’t learn about until the first round matches of the Cup proper. In a peculiar fixture, Errinundera played all its home games in a block then all its away games. Think about it for a moment. Five consecutive games. All played away. No goals conceded. When it came to selecting the captain for the next campaign, the EFA did not hesitate to appoint the outstanding player of the series.

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/onito.png

Now, after two qualifying matches for World Cup 36, onito has brought her record to seven qualifying matches without conceding a goal. We wonder if any other goalkeeper can boast such a achievement.

Photographs fail to catch one of the appealing aspects of her appearance – the way she holds her head up while weighing over her words carefully before annunciating them very precisely. This may seem cold and calculating but her eyes and mouth have just the right degree of softness to create an impression of fallibility. This contradictory admixture of cockiness, consideration and self-appraisal left me warming to her instantly, something that all who meet her agree upon.

We caught up with onito in her home here on the Liberation side of McKillops Bridge where she plays for the local team, the Kingfishers, the day after she led the Potoroos in a 3-nil victory over Thelema Abbey.

MBNS: You were drafted to the squad in the World Cup 34 campaign after owiavi resigned and then, with arata going AWOL, you found yourself as the #2 goalie at only 20 years of age. What was that like?

onito: I was overwhelmed. 20 is too young to carry that sort of responsibility. withare's policy has always been to only use the #3 keeper as a substitute and then mainly for home games.

MBNS: When were you ready for the job?

onito: During the home games in the first half of World Cup 35 qualifying the realisation began to set in that I could handle this, that I wasn’t out of my depth. With the support of the coaching staff and my team mates I began to enjoy my role immensely.

MBNS: Critics say that you are the Potoroos’ first genuine superstar goalkeeper since fionar. Do you use her as a yardstick?

onito: She last played 30 World Cups ago. That’s over 100 years. There isn’t anybody alive who saw both of us play. I can’t see how you can compare us The funny thing is, I see all my shortcomings and everybody else’s strengths. It has taken me a while to accept my own strengths.

MBNS: Did you enjoy the welcome given to yourselves and Thelema Abbey?

onito: It’s an amazing tradition – the arrival of the first visiting team to Errinundera for each World Cup Qualifying. Of course, they always enter Errinundera by riverboat. One of my earliest childhood memories was being taken by my parents along the banks of the Snowy River to cheer on the team – Nedalia I seem to recall. Mum and Dad tell me we had to go 40 kilometres upstream before they could get a clear view. People these days plan their opening match activities up to a year beforehand. And so few get to watch the actual match. It doesn’t put people off at all. I hear over 2 million people greeted Thelema Abbey.

MBNS: And the match?

onito: We can’t complain about a 3-nil win. We have some exciting young players coming through. scereberu is still amazing, even after the knee reconstruction. She’s settled into her new role in the midfield and is blitzing the opposition. Those guys from Bola Mine are pretty awesome also. All that swagger and all that ability. But, and this may seem petty, I think we should be doing better. Thelema Abbey aren’t a strong side. They will get better with experience but Bostopia was able to beat them 5-nil away.

MBNS: You’re an historian?

onito: Yes, I have a position at the Polytechnic here in McKillops Bridge. They’re good to me – giving me all the time off needed for training and travelling.

MBNS: What do you research?

onito: The Civil War. The warring sisters, athpelyn and siaros, are fascinating subjects for study. They were well educated and left vast amounts of records. Not only them, but many literate Errinundrians took part in the campaigns and wrote about them – in letters, journals and books. People ask who won the war and I’m not sure I know the true answer. athpelyn utterly triumphed on the battlefield but 14 years later she and her family were annihilated. The forces that eventually toppled her had little to do with siaros but, in hindsight, her ultimate defeat was apparent even at The Pass.

MBNS: Do you dream of a World Cup?

onito: A nation has to be in the top ten to have a chance. At #12 we are knocking at the door. Probably not this time but you never know, maybe World Cup 37.

The Albrecht Herald – Opinion (Editorial)

A few brief weeks ago, Quentin Hall, a minor figure in the Ministry for Culture, Media, and Sport; appeared on Radio Zero Alvery's weekend football phone-in, in a shameless attempt to appear hip and with it on the nation's biggest radio station. There, after dubiously claiming to be a life-long Caires City supporter, he tentatively questioned whether C&M's belated entry into the world game was a Good Thing. Not, like many others, over concerns for the strength and stability of the domestic league; but over the Republic's international reputation. With Steven Fritz ploughing a lone furrow up front, longing for long balls from Kieron Tomlinson and Damien Sono; and Speed Wang and Mamdooh Momtaz et al patiently knocking it about the centre-circle for minutes on end before trying to catch a bored goalkeeper off his line from 30 yards… Hall reflected the mood of many that Candelaria And Marquez could soon become known as the new practitioners of catenaccio – a sterile outfit offering nothing.

If Hall's opinions on our likely scorers have proved remarkably prescient – Fritz and Momtaz now both have two in two – he needn't have worried about our general play. We may not have a victory yet, but two draws and four goals against recent World Cup qualifiers will not be sniffed at anywhere.

Mark Baker's side are direct and effective, especially against a balanced, short-passing side like Zwangzug. Perhaps a more organised outfit, one not still getting used to a new, foreign, coach; might have dealt with Baker's favoured offside trap with greater ease. As it was, the natural talent of Olsen and the little man, Stings, left Benji Fu and Peter Waddington befuddled in no-mans-land at times, and there were enough worrying signs a side with greater midfield passers of the ball than Zwangzug could rip our valued defence apart. Still, the Big Blue's were the equals of the experienced men in black and white for much of this clash, coping impressively with the unaccustomed high altitudes and uneven pitch. One might go as far as humbly suggesting that the much-derided Baptism of Fire may have given our boys an important edge.

The nice young men over at the sports desk reliably inform me we next play host to Kedalfax, a fellow former British colony with a cultural mix and social set-up most remarkably similar to our own. More to the point, they are also yet to register a win, after a 1-1 home draw with an unpredictable Cookeslandic team. Which is a Good Thing.

_________________________

Rushmore Independent News Association
by Naomi Scott

Mortan Chibuze, Candelaria And Marquez minister for Asylum & Immigration, announced Tuesday that the players, staff, and supporters of Az-cz will be permitted into the Republic.

There had been some doubt over the prospects of such a confirmation, given the C&M government's disinclination thus far to acknowledge the existence of non-human sentience. More than 90% of the Az-cz population are gnomes.

The move provides the strongest hint yet that President Anderson's Unionist Party-led governing coalition will remove decades of tradition by formally accepting what most Candelariasians already know; and permit non-humans into the country. Formal relations with non-human countries may be the next step, though government insiders suggested any moves would be tentative in nature.

Whatever the long-term picture, this announcement heralds the bizarre spectacle of hundreds of a species that officially don't exist, watching and playing in a major sporting occasion, in the country's largest stadium; drinking and partying the night away on Balfour Road, and generally contributing to an economy that does not recognise their existence.

Oliver Guidi, a professor of International Politics at the University of Onwere (Marquez), told the RINA that the official acceptance of non-humans was a "final hump" in the country's desire to come to terms with the realities of the modern world. "The Candelarias have been at times a more socially conservative nation than many former British colonies," he continued, "But if change comes later than other countries, when it does both government and the general public tend to grasp it with enthusiasm. The acceptance of fractal reality and such like – all the oddness associated with the world we now inhabit – sometimes proves too large a step. Non-human people is one of those things."

It is believed that members of the Modern Liberal and Conservative parties in C&M have privately questioned the government's decision. However, it seems likely that responsibility for bringing the matter up in the House of Representatives will lie with maverick back-bench Unionist MP, Wasir Mohammed, who has very publicly led calls against relations with non-humans in the past.

Elven Times
Fire And Ice

A trip to Tylero seemed innocent enough, who would think that the debutants would cause any hassle for the squad right? Well you all would be wrong, for the second straight game, the Marauders played down to thier competition, and once again the striking pair is looking offkey. However, just like the previous game, the back eight and the keeper were on top of their game and shut out the oppisiton, making Jacob St. Louis the first keeper in the long history of the Marauders to record back to back clean sheets in his first two games as the designated first keeper. The squad is really going to need to take this upcoming week of training seriously as their first real test in the qualifiers comes up in a mid afternoon tilt with Assegai Developments on Saturday, at the Hatire Memorial.

The rivalry between Assegai and ESF go back to when Assegai was known as Losstarrot, and they began the first international football competition within the region. The two nations met in consecutive finals, with the Marauders taking home both trophies. The Assegains have never forgiven the Elves for this and look to defeat them at every turn and in any competition. As of late, the "Riskbreakers" have had the advantage, going undefeated in their last six matchups with the Marauders, with a record of two wins and four draws. The Mytrhil Gauntlet was created as a trophy to represent the rivalry between the two nations, and will be up for grabs again as the two nations vie in these qualifers. The Elves will be looking to get their hands back on it, as it has not graced the trophy case of the Hatire Memorial for over eight years.

As for the Tylero game, it was a game of missed oppurtunity after missed oppurtunity, as Rikard and Night just could not hook up in the attacking third. The Marauders would finally get the break through in the thirty-seventh minute when Jere Jannian delivered a suberb ball into the mixer from a set piece ten yard outside the box that Hawk headed on goal, bounced off the post, and right to Rikard's foot who tapped it in for the lead. Clearly frustated by his strikers woes, Constant subbed off Night in at the half, bringing on Xanxz to play beside Jaques and moving Hawk into an attacking midfielder role, which he played the entirety of last tournament. The change seemed to charge up the squad and they pressed the Tylero backline continously for the first fifteen minutes of the half, culminating in a Hawk goal coming off a beautiful squences of touches in the eighteen yard box, delivering a spectacle with a classy finish. That was all that would be needed as the midfield played the possession game for the majority of the rest of the match and kept Tylero at bay.

The group is quickly becoming a three team affair, as the three top seeds have collected all their points so far into the competition. After this week though, that will not be the case as I mentioned before, Assegai is coming to town on Saturday. The Marauders are about to hit a rough spot in their schedule and they definately need to solve the problems between Night and Rikard if they are to stay a step above their competition. The squad desperately wants to finish the qualifiers undefeated and go through directly, as anything can happen when it comes to playoffs. As a result, look for the squad to come out hard early and try to take the Riskbreakers by storm. If Rikard and Night can hook up, the squad might be well on their way to top honors in their group for the third straight tournament.

Elves Security Forces 2
Nikali Rikard (37)
Laborious Hawk (59)

Tylero 0

Scorers
Laborious Hawk 2
Kiso Night 1
Nikali Rikard 1

Schedule
MD1: ESF v Kampfers 2-0
MD2: Tylero v ESF 0-2
MD3: ESF v Assegai Developments
MD4: ESF v Ad'ihan
MD5: Tynelia v ESF
MD6: ESF v Aurendia
MD7: The Sons of a Monkey v ESF
mid-qualifying friendlies
MD8: Kampfers v ESF
MD9: ESF v Tylero
MD10: Assegai Developments v ESF
MD11: Ad'ihan v ESF
MD12: ESF v Tynelia
MD13: Aurendia v ESF
MD14: ESF v The Sons of a Monkey

Article by Luna Santapa

Amda-Mo: 2-0. The team once again wins. Thoughts Lur-Mn?

Lur-Mn: They once again win, and once again disappoint. 2-1 against Collonie? <Lur-Mn rolls his eyes> I really thought they'd come out and spank them. Guess I was wrong.

Amda-Mo: What were the trouble spots?

Lur-Mn: More defensive lapses. I hate to speak ill of our great captain, who's given his all for so long, but Nerazzurri is struggling out there. He doesn't have the legs for this 3-7-0 formation. He's got a great mind, and his read of the game is perhaps as good as it's ever been, but this is a formation about running and chaos and stamina, and he's not keeping up.

Amda-Mo: Do you think Zax-Im will think about dropping him?

Lur-Mn: I'm sure he's thought about it. But I doubt it'll actually happen in less the team hits a more serious slump. Considering that Nerazzurri took the captain's band from Zax-Im after the stabbing in Vilita, that bond, plus fans reaction makes it almost impossible for Zax-Im to drop him, barring just horrible performance.

Amda-Mo: How about bright points?

Lur-Mn: I don't think there's any need to mention the bright points. We all know who he is. So we can just move on to the next segment.

Amda-Mo: That little is going well for the team?

Lur-Mn: The fans are doing a great job. But I'm about as unimpressed as can be by the performances so far.

Amda-Mo: Ok then, let's look ahead to our next match.

Lur-Mn: The next team is Sorthern Northland. They put up the exact same result against Collonie that we did and gave Qazox a good game. They could be dangerous. They are an incredibly young team, so it will be interesting to see if they can keep up with our formation. They might be a team capable of doing so. Hopefully the massive difference in experience will play to our favor. They're still one of the easier teams in the group. We need to start playing well before the better teams show up.

Amda-Mo: Speaking of the rest of the group, things to note?

Lur-Mn: Once again Candelaria and Marquez was the big news of the group, earning another draw, this time in Zwangzug. Although they've yet to win, they have to be quite pleased with how they've done so far. Nothing much interesting other than that.

Amda-Mo: Expanding our horizons, let's look at the other groups.

Lur-Mn: Bad day for the Vilitan Isles as both teams lose to newcomers, with Vilita being knocked off by Grotewohl and Turori falling to Vephrall. The ground Demot made in taking down Oliverry the gave back by drawing with Western Afghanistan. And in probably the highest stakes game of the day Quakmybush looked good beating Northern Bettia 3-1. Hopefully the sharks have turned into Jaws out in group 9.

Amda-Mo: Before we get onto the top 6, I want to get your opinions on the Candelaria And Marquez situation?

Lur-Mn: What situation is that?

Amda-Mo: The fact that they've decided to allow the team, staff, and fans to visit Candelaria And Marquez.

Lur-Mn: Wow. So they're not a backwater barbian nation. Whoopdee-freaking-do. I think Archregimancy is doing a perfectly find job of providing irrational discrimination based on DNA. At least they're compassionate in other ways, and have been around along time. As for the position of allowing non-humans, that ship has long since sailed. Come on now, we've had dwarves play integral role on cup lifting squads. All I can say is it's too bad they didn't get drawn with Ulzaxid. Or if our old friends the Mice were around. But let's face it, speciesist nations either adapt or go the way of Winchestia.

Amda-Mo: Are you advocating violence against Candelaria and Marquez?

Lur-Mn: Certainly not. Just suggesting that they've got a lot of nerve to make a big deal out of non-humans when non-humans have been competing throughout the history of the cup and they've just started. And the fact that if they want to be a productive member of the NS community they'll encounter a lot weirder stuff than us.

Amda-Mo: Fair enough. It does seem that the newcomers recently have little respect for their elders.

Lur-Mn: Definitely. When we came up we thought we could beat the older teams, but we certainly respected them. And we never thought about a lot of the things these nations have.

Amda-Mo: Still nations like Cafundeu and Kiryu-shi have been positive.

Lur-Mn: Yes. For sure. Just some new nations causing trouble.

Amda-Mo: Moving on let's look at the top six list.

Lur-Mn: Yes, let's get back to the football.

6. Bazalonia

They're off to a nice start, following a thumping of a newcomer with a win over Spruitland, a feat the reigning champs couldn't match. Still, it's entirely possible that if Spruitland doesn't upset Bettia, we're not talking about Bazalonia here. Still they've moved to the top of their group so they have to be pleased about that.

T4. Schiavonia

Like the team they're tied with they've posted two wins over minnows. They have the same goal differential as the Holy Empire. They've allowed an extra goal, so that's why we've listed them first, but basically the two teams are in the same place at this point.

T4. Alasdair I Frosticus

Two wins over nobodies is not that big of a deal. But a +9 goal differential after two games is quite impressive. With Vilita and Sativaville stumbling they're looking quite good at this point.

3. Grotewohl

I considered ranking them even higher than this, as they've played great football so far. A 5-1 thrashing of Hechimer than a 3-2 win over Vilita is a fantastic way to enter the world cup scene. Still they're going to have to do more than that to really prove they belong. Next up is the trip to the dreamed realm. If they can win there then all bets are off.

2. Milchama

Could they be breaking down the Audioslavian curse? Hard to say. It's far too early to tell, but they're off to a good start. They're defense has pitched two shutouts, including at Yafor 2. So that's been great. And they've found five goals, which isn't too shabby either.

1. Quakmybush

A 5-0 win followed by a 3-1 over an elite side sees the Sharks to the top after two games. Demot's win over Oliverry is still probably the most impressive so far this cup, but there win over Northern Bettia is close. In a group that looks to be as competitive as there's will be getting out to a quick start will be a great help.

Amda-Mo: None of the teams from group 10?

Lur-Mn: They were all considered, but none of them have really separated themselves from the pack yet. We'll learn more after Assegai travels to the Elves. If a winner comes out of that, they'll almost certainly crack this list.

Amda-Mo: That they will. Join us back here next time. We might not be playing a high profile opponent, but so far all of our matches have been exciting, so we expect you back here. Good night.

Demot Daily ~ Shock and Awe

Despite being arrested by a pair Oliverry police officers earlier in the week on the charges of the attempted murder of a player of the Oliverry National Team, Gregory Corin was in the starting eleven for the Dynamo as they traveled to the embattled Western Afghanistan. Despite their supposed less talented squad, Coach Masteron had warned his players to be mindful of the upset and to be totally focused on the game and not their surroundings. It would seem his warning went unheeded as the squad fell victim to their neihgbors in Atlantian Oceania, in a one all draw. It was not a pleasant affair as the teams combined for forty-nine fouls and nine bookings. Despie the rough nature of the match, neither squad had a player sent off. However, in the locker room, the Dynamo hinted at some major resentment towards the Afghani tactics and will be looking forward to dealing out some punishment when they meet again in the second half of the qualification phase.

May Maryweather found the back of the net for the second consecutive match and looks to be on form and ready to prove herself to be amongst the best that have graced the Dynamo uniform. Orien looked quite solid in net as he stopped seven of the eight shots on goal by the Afghani squad, only being beaten on the rebound from a penalty kick in the seventith minute after Falls had conceded the spot kick with a handball inside the box. Apart from that momentarly lapse in judgement by the defender, the backline was performed up to the task. Rahall hasn't quite found their footing, and Corin was clearly not there mentally, as he obviously has more important matters on his mind.

Speaking of which, his first court date will be next friday where he will enter his plea and either will get a trial date or a date for sentancing depending upon the plea. Masteron has already decided that Corin will not be starting the upcoming match against Shmibabway in their home opener of the tournament. The aging Mario Darcello Ben will get the nod for the untested squad and will hope to play his way back into the starting eleven as Corin will deal with his off the pitch issues.

Demot 1
May Maryweather (43)

Western Afghanistan 1
Midfielder #3 (70)

Article by Trevor Winston

USSE off to rough start in WC 36 Qualifying Round
By Jan Kruis

The State team started its first World Cup campaign this week, playing two matches in the Qualifying Round. Both matches were away, seeing Endmile come away with one loss and one draw.

The first match was at Atheistic Right. Security at the airport was very tight. So tight, in fact, that this reporter was held up by their security forces, strip-searched, beaten, tortured and interrogated for two days, causing me to miss the entire match! While I wasn’t there in person, I was there in spirit. During the ordeal, as I was being burned with cigarettes, as my testicles were electrocuted, all I could think of was the mighty State team and how they would ultimately lead us to victory.

Endmile lost to the Atheistic Right in a close 2-3 match. Atheistic Right scored first off of a corner in the 23rd minute. Xavier Carter (MF) sent in a short pass to Jacob Hunt (FW), who then sent in a quick shot, beating Vader Schut (GK, Powerhouse) For the rest of the half, play was rough and several bookings were awarded, with yellow cards going to Ryan Mitchell (DF), Thijs Tullier (DF), and Rudolf de Ruine (MF) . At the end of the first half, Veit Schoeman made a spectacular pass to Everhart Pieterszen (Arbeidervuist), who beat Robert Murphy (D) and put a hard shot on goal. John Edwards (GK) was there to make the save, but couldn’t control the rebound, which was tapped in by Henrik Klusener (FW, Royal Blood FC), making the score 1-1.

Atheistic Right came out very strong in the second half, scoring two goals within the first 12 minutes, one by Jaden Jackson (FW) and another by Jacob Hunt (FW). At that point, with the USSE down 1-3, it looked like it was all over. Then, in the 80th minute, Maarten Timmons made a great substitution. Skipper Schaers (FW, Red Army) had been looking very tired, so he was sent off and Jeroen Schulte (FW, FC Bloemenstad) came in. The effect was felt immediately, with Schulte getting his first chance within seconds of coming on the field. In the 83rd minute, Vader Schut hit a long goal kick, seemingly too far for anyone to get. However, Jeroen Schulte made an unbelievable run to get the ball, giving him a one on one situation with John Edwards. Schulte put his shot up in the far corner, just out of reach of Edwards, making it a one goal game again. Endmile kept the pressure on until the very end, getting several great chances, but they were unable to beat Edwards who made some amazing saves.

After my experience in the Atheistic Right, I had to make my way to Fmjphoenix. Funny enough, there didn’t seem to be any problem with me leaving Atheistic Right. Security just let me on through. Hopefully, that will be the last time I have to go there. Fmjphoenix was a much more pleasant experience. At least I wasn’t tortured there.

The USSE’s second match was against the Fmjphoenix team, ending in a 1-1 draw. The game was very defensive, with few chances coming for either side. The first goal was put on the board by Endmile in the 57th minute. Skipper Schaers (FW, Red Army) made a run up the right side, stopping in the corner. Schaers faked a cross, then sent a pass to Henric van Nostrand (MF, Powerhouse), who put the ball in the air towards the goal. The Fmjphoenix goalkeeper came out to grab the ball, but it dropped earlier than he expected and was headed in by Everhart Pieterszen (FW, Arbeidervuist). The Fmjphoenix goal came 11 minutes later when Stef Wiekens (DF, Het Vechten Blauw) made a fatal error, giving up a pass right in front of the USSE goal. Vader Schut tried to make the save, but he was not in a great position and Fmjphoenix was able to tie it up. The remainder of the game saw but a few chances, with no goals converted.

So far, Endmile are placed sixth in Group 4 with just a single point, but the team is just getting warmed up. Starting with two away games was a little bit tough. Next, we finally have a home match. Endmile will be taking on the military team Jeru FC, rumoured to be quite good. The match will take place at Revolution Arena in Bloedmeer, in front of an already sold out crowd. If we can see a little more discipline from the Endmile players and no fatal errors by our defensemen (yes, I’m talking about you, Stef Wiekens), then we should be able to achieve victory.

After the comments of the president of Estresse Intenso, who said that the citizens of the country are supporting the Landau Institute team in the World Cup qualifiers, wanting to see it going to Cafundéu to start a revolution, things didn't change in the Institute. Some doctors were discussing, but the issue wasn't really important. Doctor Rogério Landau's personal assistant, Letícia Sabin, wanted to know about the opinions of the president of the Landau Institute.

DR.SABIN - "So, boss, have you heard the comments of Gilberto?"

DR.LANDAU - "Yes, I did. Why do you ask?"

DR.SABIN - "Aren't they important?"

DR.LANDAU - "Important for what?"

DR.SABIN - "To improve our public view."

DR.LANDAU - "We don't need this, Letícia. Listen, they still hate us, the only fact is that they hate Cafundéu more than they hate us. And do you know why they hate us?"

DR.SABIN - "I..."

DR.LANDAU - "It's simple. They hate us because we live better than them. Even the patients, with their strange habits, live with better conditions than them. They got their independence because they were living in bad conditions during the reign of Albieri. They were hoping to transform their place in a place of equalty, a better place to live. I feel sorry for them, now we can see that Estresse Intenso is a war zone, without laws and security."

DR.SABIN - "At least they are independant."

DR.LANDAU - "They paid a high price. Listen, Letícia. You don't know how is to live in Neblina or Acropolis. You have to work in an office building to eat, you fear your own home. The Institute is a paradise comparing to the big cities of Estresse Intenso."

DR.SABIN - "But the Institute is part of Estresse Intenso."

DR.LANDAU - "In the maps. But compare the two places. The only things that we have in common is that we hate Cafundéu and that we like to eat rice. The Landau Institute produces its own food, we don't need the help of anyone, we're independant. Not officially, but we are. The doctors don't need to travel to other places to make something, because they can do everything that they must do here, inside the Institute. And Gilberto knows that."

DR.SABIN - "So, I play in the National Team of the Landau Institute?"

DR.LANDAU - "That would be right. But in the World Cup, only countries can participate. And the Institute isn't a country."

DR.SABIN - "But returning on the comments, they don't mean nothing to you?"

DR.LANDAU - "No. They're just using us to get revenge against Cafundéu. I don't mind. If they want to consider us part of Estresse Intenso, they can. After all, I want to see Cafundéu losing too. If they say that our team will be defending socialism, so be it. The Landau Institute is a socialist place. This is a place of real brotherhood, social equalty, justice and freedom. The patients are free to leave, but they prefer to stay here. All the patients are treated equally, and the doctors don't have things that the patients don't have. So yes, the Institute is a socialist place."

Zacharius paced the visitor’s dressing room at Hatire Memorial Stadium. His team, dressed to hit the field, surrounded him and waited for him to speak. Zacharius thought about the many memories he had made as a member of the Elves Security Forces National Team. Glorious battles against ESF’s biggest rival, Assegai Developments. How ironic, he thought to himself. How ironic that I’m in the visitor’s dressing room at Hatire…leading our once hated rival, Assegai, against my own country.

He looked up at the Assegai squad and they all looked back at him intently. They looked upon him with respect and he could feel it. The tile on the ceiling began shaking with the stomping of thousands of elves above them. Nonetheless, the Assegai squad kept their gazed fixed on their leader.

“Riskbreakers, look at what we have tonight,” he began. “As a member of the ESF squad, so many times I suited up to play against Assegai. Those games always burned in my soul, and the moments leading up to the game made my heart beat so loud that sometimes I couldn’t hear myself thinking as I made my way down to the tunnel to the field.

“It’s a beautiful rivalry we have—Assegai vs. ESF. Let us show the world why our region’s football is something to be reckoned with. Let us show them the quality of our football. But, most importantly…I want you to beat ESF. The media respected my wishes that no interviews or game reports be posted until after this game because we wanted to keep ESF guessing. We’ve already gone over strategy. We’ve already discussed our approach. It’s been eight years since ESF defeated Assegai and you know they’re hungry. Starve them. I know ESF. I know that no matter how high they might go or how well they do, losing to Assegai is always a sobering affair.”

The players nod with focused stares.

“Riskbreakers!”

The players roar back.

“Never rest easy!”

The players roar again.

“Let’s do this!”

The players gather for a huddle, roar once more and exit the dressing room.

Zacharius clutches the Assegai Developments National Football team crest on his coat. He takes a deep breath and leans his head back with his eyes closed, then slowly brings his head back down and kisses the badge.

“C’mon, team,” he mutters to himself.

As the team exits the tunnel, Zacharius feels the wind whipping his face and he hears the earth-shaking roar of 60,000 voices all at once. He grins to himself.

“This never gets old.”

[4] http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/elves_security_forces.png Elves Security Forces

VS
[30] http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/assegai_developments.png Assegai Developments

Venue: Hatire Memorial Stadium (Capacity: 60,000) | Capri, Elves Security Forces

RP cutoff for Matchday 3

Matchday 03 Scores (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12904531&postcount=5)

Hacker was pleased - just about. Two-one. Three more points on the board after the day one blip. Should make good reading in the papers tomorrow, even if some of the more ignorant reporters castigated him yet again.

But there were no papers. The journalists were all at the match but the typesetters were on strike. Something about the introduction of new ligatures in the Daily Herald and the Union of People Who Put Words Into Little Troughs Before They Are Daubed With Ink had wildcatted everybody out.

Ah well, thought Hacker. After the next win we'll be top. And the first table they'll see will have Wentland in first.

Endmile defeats Jeru FC 3-1
By Jan Kruis

Today the USSE team played its first home game of the World Cup 36 tournament against Jeru FC in front of a sellout crowd at Revolution Arena in Bloedmeer, and the fans were not disappointed.

Endmile struck first early in the game to take the lead. In the 9th minute, Henrik Klusener (FW, Royal Blood FC) stole the ball from Player 2 (DF) and made a leading pass to Skipper Schaers (FW, Red Army). Schaers then sent in a low shot to the far side, beating Player 1 (GK). The score stayed at 1-0 for the remainder of the half, with several chances coming for Endmile. Shortly after the start of the second half, Player 6 (MF) took down Henric van Nostrand (MF, Powerhouse) with a wild tackle, earning him a yellow card and giving the USSE a set piece in a great close position. Van Nostrand sent a spinning ball towards the goal and beat Player 1, making the score 2-0. A few minutes later Player 5 (MF) made a great pass to Player 9 (FW), who then beat Thijs Tullier (DF, Royal Blood FC) and took a shot on goal. Vader Schut (GK, Powerhouse) managed to get a finger on the ball, but it was not enough to keep it from going in the goal. Play continued back and forth with several chances coming for both teams. At 90 minutes the score was still 2-1. Then, in stoppage time, Everhart Pieterszen (FW, Arbeidervuist) was able to break away from Player 3 (DF) and put a shot on goal. Player 1 came out to make the save, but Pieterszen had anticipated his move and put it just out of the keeper’s reach, making the score 3-1.

As for the other nations in the 2FS region, things have been hit or miss. Grotewohl did very well in its first two matches, coming away undefeated. Today, they faced The Holy Empire and suffered their first loss. They are still in second place in Group 6, but if they keep playing like they did in this game, they may not qualify. Trumanistan continued their losing streak, failing to score even a single goal in the tournament so far. Bellzantium came back from two straight losses to win 6-0 against Central Prestonia, showing that they aren’t out of the tournament yet.

The next USSE match will be at Kiryu-shi, who are currently ahead of us by one point. After this latest win, the State team should be ready for another victory.

MD01 Atheistic Right vs. Endmile 3-2
MD02 Fmjphoenix vs. Endmile 1-1
MD03 Endmile vs. Jeru FC 3-1
MD04 Kiryu-Shi vs. Endmile
MD05 Endmile vs. Homieville
MD06 Squornshelous vs. Endmile
MD07 Endmile vs. Billopesha
MD08 Endmile vs. Atheistic Right
MD09 Endmile vs. Fmjphoenix
MD10 Jeru FC vs. Endmile
MD11 Endmile vs. Kiryu-Shi
MD12 Homieville vs. Endmile
MD13 Endmile vs. Squornshelous
MD14 Billopesha vs. Endmile

Group 4 Standings:

Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Atheistic Right 3 2 1 0 9 4 +5 7
2 Squornshelous 3 2 1 0 8 4 +4 7
3 Kiryu-Shi 3 1 2 0 5 4 +1 5
4 Endmile 3 1 1 1 6 5 +1 4
5 Billopesha 3 1 0 2 3 4 −1 3
6 Jeru FC 3 1 0 2 4 7 −3 3
5 Homieville 3 1 0 2 3 7 −4 3
8 Fmjphoenix 3 0 1 2 2 5 −3 1

Gleanings from the notebook of Coach Mcgimpy:
date unknown; this "fluid time" nonsense is more trouble than it's worth.
I think we have some problems with our offense. The forwards don't seem to communicate at all, and Yul's expression after Phillip's equalizer was disturbing.
I believe we have some problems with our midfield. Well, just one, really: Jacob seems to think that his role includes trying to help me do my job. Which he can't even do effectively: he sounded like Qazox would be no match for us. He misunderstimated the Pheonix.
And there are probably some problems with our defense. Holden's first goal was arguably more a product of Revee's success: well-executed dribbling set him up for an accurate pass and a deserved assist. But Fry's was stoppable.

What's left to criticize? Surely not the coaching. Maybe the referee...Although given the Cafundelense challenge, they're probably worrying about more important things than whether the foul was in or out of the penalty area.

For the record, it was too out.

http://img46.imageshack.us/img46/7234/lbgnewsgv0.png

BL 1-0 against Ulzaxid

In a mind-numbingly dull match, British Londinium defeated the Ulzaxid national team by one point.

The majority of players from both teams chose to smoke roughly twenty kilos of 'reefer', or marijuana. By the seventh minute of the first half, the stoned team members from BL and Ulzaxid had formed a 'hippy circle' in the centre of the pitch, held hands, sang songs from the "Lion King", stopped, said "Man, who gives a fuck?", and fell asleep.

Only one player, James Yossarian, refrained from the pot jamboree, and he scored the only goal of the match before succumbing to his drug(s) of choice, a cocktail of various hallucinogens and stimulants. Yossarian then proceeded to wildly copulate with a vaguely attractive young woman in the stands whilst screaming "the elephants are after me".


Story from LBG NEWS:
http: //news.lbg.co.rsp/go/pr/fr/-/2/hi/sport/6265034.stm

Published:03:53:02 LST

© LBG MMXII

How does one enter the next World Cup?

The HURDists were again eager to participate in a qualification. Their schedule still stood: 'defeating the world champion within half a year'. And the fact that it might still stand in a few years seemed not to bother the HURDists.

The first match was at home in Minasra (Minasra Is Not A Self-Referring Acronym) against a nation called: Shmibabway. The foreigners were the typical n00bs. They lacked basic idea where they landed. They thought that soccer surely was alike and so were the different nations. While that was true on the field and they were veritable opponents there, they generally had no idea where they landed. INFRASTRUCTURE had a lot to do to explain to them why the pieces of printed paper were not accepted for its services and to tell what was accepted.
Many foreigners were utterly confused by that and the term 'communist' was heard quite a number of times. The GNUs cared not one way or the other and defeated the team 2:1.

The match in Novapsolu was somewhat spectacular. Not because of the rather mediocre soccer, but because of the similarity of the states was shocking. Of course, the Novapsolus had no INFRASTRUCTURE, but apart from that it was rather similar. This of course meant that the journey at times required flexibility, but hey, beta is so much more than a Greek letter: it's a lifestyle. Speaking of beta: the GNUs defeated the alpha-stage national team of Novapsolu 2:0.

How does one enter the next World Cup?

OOC Wrong thread - ask these questions on NS World Cup Discussion thread please! - err like this thread
http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=293066

Update from World Cup 36!!!

Kristovenia remained undefeated in three matches after a 2-2 draw with the HURD. It was a very hard fought game with both sides pressing from the beginning. The HURD struck first in the 37th minute but it didn't take long for Kristovenia to retaliate. Alexander III scored just before half in the 44th minute and then let go a beautiful shot from outside the 18 yard box in the 88th minute. The controversy began when and additional two minutes of stoppage time were added and the HURD was pressing hard for the equalizer. For reasons only known to the official he let the play continue until almost the fifth minute of stoppage time when the HURD scored the equalizer. Kristovenia's coach Marcus Tullius Cicero was livid after the late goal and confronted the official coming within a few words of being red carded. Needless to say it was a heated and entertaining match today; one, i'm sure, the fans will remember for a long time.

Kristovenia's next match tomorrow is against Oliverry. If we can keep up our solid play it should be a really good match.

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

THE POST-MATCH PRESS CONFERENCE
Live from Daehanjeiguk

With Fr. John the Golden-Throated


"...in any way disappointed with today's result, Fr. John? 2-2 against a brand new team of heathens, pagans and heretics - surely that's not what you expected?"

"Well, my monastic brother, if you remember the MFA's pre-tournament predictions, it was always thought that Daehanjeiguk would prove a threat. They displayed great form in the Baptism of Fire, and we always knew they'd be one of the more dangerous of the emerging nations. I agree that it's a shame that so many of their citizens are Buddhists, Confucianists, Daoists, animists, and Moslems, and I have spent much time in this nation praying for their immortal souls. But I have confidence that in time they will come to the fullness of Orthodoxy now that they have been exposed to the One True Church. As to the match itself, we took the lead twice, and they equalised twice. What more is there to say? We have a history of struggling against lower-ranked teams when we're the first seeds in a group, but through trust in the Lord all things are ultimately possible. Except perhaps a Mormon going to heaven!"

<much monastic laughter ensues>

"Next! Yes... the elf over there..."

"Fr. John, it's an honour to meet you. I'm from the EFA, and I'd just like to observe that we in the Elves Security Forces have long pondered your nation's stance on our culture, religion, and just where we fit into your spectrum of sentients. There is great debate in halls of our university as to whether or not we would be in the pagan or heretical label. As our religion's deity was once mortal, we the similarities between our religions a tad odd. As such, we humble request your stance on the aforementioned notions"

"Errrr.... I'm not sure I'm familiar with your religion. Certainly with the now-defunct nation of Dorian and Sonya we were willing to consider the potential of Elves - unlike gnomes - to have souls and to therefore to be potentially saved through the message of Christianity, but I'm not sure whether or not the Holy Synod made a final decision on....

<an aide rushes up to Fr. John and hands him a sheet of paper>

...but I now see that you practice a religion called.... what in God's name is this 'Elunism'? A tree with golden fruit? Seven founding Elves, six of whom lost their immortality? The virtuous Elune being called up to divinity by the Unspoken Ones? Oh, my poor, sad, misguided child.... an entire nation deluded by the heresies of classical gnosticism. It strikes me as a form of Valentinianism.... The Primal Beings or the seven elves are the beginning of all things who, after consuming the fruit of the white tree and becoming mortal, give rise to the nation by a process of emanation. The first series of beings, the first elves, represent a series of syzygies or sexually complementary pairs. Through the error of ignoring the prophecy of the white tree the lower world with its subjection to matter is brought into existence. Elune, the highest being in the lower world, participates in both the psychic and the hylic nature, and the work of redemption consists in freeing the higher, the spiritual, from its servitude to the lower. Yes, truly this is a gnostic heresy of the vilest sort. You have my sincere pity, my son - perhaps you might consider converting to Orthodoxy?

Next! And let's try keeping it to football this time!"

"Yes, Fr. John... my name is onderuper, and I'm a football fan from Errinundera"

"I'm fond of Errinundera, my son. I deplore your atheism, but one cannot but admire your social egalitarianism."

"Thank you, Father. But what I want to ask is... How is Brother David of the Woods going in goals? I know you like to treat your players anonymously but we recognise him as the former owiavi."

"I couldn't possibly comment on the anonymity of our squad members, but as it happens I know Father David - as he is now - personally. There are times when he misses the lush verdant green of Errinundera, yes, but the love of God is more important than the love of one's homeland. And I should note that while there are those who think he left his former team on a slightly sour note, he still wants the Potoroos to do well this campaign. He'd also like them to convert to Orthodoxy, mind."

"Just one more question, Fr. John... Your new uniforms are our favourites. What's it like believing in god?"

"Well, my young Errinunderan friend, one might as well ask what it's like breathing. This, like a belief in God, is a natural function whose necessity is so obvious that we mostly allow that it occurs without concentrating on how it is occuring, though woe betide us if we were to ever cease this natural action. The presence of the Lord our God surrounds us in all things - we could no more disbelieve in His prescence than we could stop breathing.

That's all we have time for today, but I hope the other nations of this World Cup will feel free to ask me more questions over the coming match days!"

THE MONASTIC TIMES

OBSCURE NATION TAKES UNPLANNED DETOUR THROUGH DREAMED REALM
The Non-RPing n00b Squad Become Orthodox Bananas

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

Oneirologists from the Holy Empire were at a loss last night to explain how the entire football squad - and accompanying officials - of obscure nation The non-rping n00b found themselves turned into giant sentient Orthodox Christian bananas after taking an unplanned detour through the Dreamed Realm.

"They must have been caught up in some sort of Dream Eddy" said a senior oneirologist from the Imperial University "but I have to admit that I'm not familiar with a Reality that encompasses Orthodox sentient bananas."

Sources close to the the Department of Oneirology have, however, noted that the number of realities that border the Dreamed Realm are - so far as can be ascertained - essentially infinite, and that one exploration party only narrowly averted death last year after accidentally visiting a parallel earth nation called 'Iraq' that had been reduced to a hideous devastated wasteland by a madman called 'George Bush'. "There are some scary realities out there" said a senior oneirologist, speaking on condition of anonymity "and Orthodox bananas are the least of our worries."

Here in the Archregimancy, the Holy Synod are said to be 'delighted' that the non-rping n00b squad have re-converted to Orthodoxy after a brief period of apostasy. The implications of Christian sentient bananas have, however, yet to be fully explored. "It's not something covered by the First Council of Nicea" admitted a senior source close to the Synod.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/juvanya/schmeck.png

Sel Appa Edition


Geography
Sel Appa is a quite large country at more than 10 million sq km in size. It is part of the continent of Sel Appa and borders the ocean in the west and north. To the east is De Jewish Mafia and Comunisticturkeys. To the south is MassPwnage. It is made up of 35 provinces and one capital-city, Nemnenait, that is often considered at the provincial level.

Sel Appa is surrounded on two sides by ocean. A notable body of water is Fizroe Gulf, a naturally protected body created by two penisulae. The nation's largest harbor and port, Nemnenait, borders Fizroe Gulf. Also, worth noting is the Fellitshire Maelstrom, an enormous underwater vortex. In addition, there is the Anvorbuod Bay in the west. Internally, there are many lakes and river systems that bring fresh water from deep in Sel Appa to the ocean.

Climate
The northern part of Sel Appa is mainly a temperate climate. It includes temperate deciduous forests and some open plains. The majority of the population lives in this climate and is generally considered the best representation of Sel Appan climate. There are four distinct seasons: spring, summer, autumn, and winter. Temperatures range from just below 0 degrees Celsius in winter to about 35 degrees Celsius in summer, however this is an extreme and temperatures rarely exceed 30 degrees in the summer. Humidity is fairly low in comparison to the rest of the country.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/juvanya/forest.jpg

The southwestern coastal areas are of a tropical climate, enjoyed by vacationers year-round. Beautiful and clean beaches meander along the coast and are a great place for those who like warmth and sun. As part of the warmer southern climate, it really only has two seasons: wet and dry, comparable to other tropical and equatorial countries. There is no monsoon that comes during the rainy season, however there is a marked increase in rain and humidity. Temperatures range from 15 to 30 degrees Celsius.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/juvanya/beach.jpg

The majority of the southern portion of Sel Appa is tropical rainforest. It is very warm and humid, typical of tropical rainforests. Average rainfall is well above 2 metres per year, often reach 5 metres. The region is largely made up of tropical rainforests with settlements and cities dispersed all over. This region is much more rural and less densely populated than the other two. There is a distinct wet and dry season. The rainy season consists of daily rainstorms that replenish the water that evaporates daily. The humidity is high, but not uncomfortable. Temperatures range from 20 to 30 degrees Celsius.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/juvanya/rainforest.jpg



(Part 2 of an ongoing series for those planning to visit Sel Appa...)

As the third matchday is completed, Billopesha's enthusiasm has been heightened by a 3-0 victory against Homieville, their first in the cup. This was following a second defeat on matchday 2 when a game against Kiryu-Shi ended 1-0.

The second game had begun uneventfully and only managed to reach a climax when Kiryu-Shi scored from a free kick brought on a yellow card foul by Leo Hills. In the second half, the best the Billopeshian side could do was a skilful on target long shot by Ryan Locke which was saved. Billopesha also prevented a near goal from Kiryu-Shi that was barely saved by the goalkeeper Derek Loose nearing the last minute.

Today's game was to prove more rewarding and the game against Homieville began more vigorously as the Billopeshian attack strategies took force. Despite good Homieville defence, Billopeshian, Titus Thane, slipped the ball past the opponent's goalkeeper with their first goal of the tournament. With the team now confident, they began targeting the ball towards the opposite goal in rapid succession. But it was not until a corner kick by Paul Roberts that John Finch headed the ball into the back of the net for a 2-0 lead at half time. The second half began badly for Billopesha with a resurgence in energy for the Homieville side. Four successful saves were made by Derek Loose before the Billopeshian defence strengthened. A substitute was made as Roberts was replaced by Marius Lister. This proved very successful when his fresh energy forced the ball into the net following a free kick, strengthening Billopesha's win to 3-0. The whistle was not long after and Billopesha found it’s self with a win.

“I am very happy ur... that we have ur... now shown our power that ur... can come out of ur... our players. I believe ur... that we have got better and... I hope that we. ur... can repeat this urm... performance in our many ur... matches to come." - Anthony Pickard (Coach)

Report from:
http://www.freewebs.com/billopesha/msoD6A9B.jpg

Dinkie Dosha and very Japanese looking Anime character (who looks like an Asian version of Dazza Dallas) ...

Dinkie: Hi, I'm Dinkie Dosha and this is THE FOOTBALL LIFE. With me is Dazzi, well we all know who Dazzi really is. It does not take a genius to work that out.
Dazzi: Nice to be here!

Dinkie: It's World Cup match day three, and a bit of excitement going on with a few shocks too. Now, Dazzi let's start with a place called Ariddia.
Dazzi: Those Frenchies drew 2 ALL with Turori! They almost surrendered but not quite.
Dinkie: Turori were onced ranked second but not these days - it's Ariddia who's the second seed. With one win and two draws, Ariddia are starting really slow! Not looking good but we can hope they get better.
Dazzi: Dazzi is confident Ariddia will qualify, they haven't lost a game yet.

Dinkie: Now, to the champs - Bettia. Back to their BEST!
Dazzi: Shackfold folded to the power of Aroras, crashing to a SIX ONE thrashing. Bettia are back and look like the champs we expect them to be. They are looking good now, they just needed some time to get into the spirit of World Cup 35.
Dinkie: Yes, good thing they aren't in our group.
Dazzi: We have their neighbours, Northern Bettia.

Dinkie: The Qazox err damn!
Dazzi: Pheonix! not Oxen
Dinkie: Great game from the fire birds downing Zwangzug TWO ONE and well, will this name change - change the fortunes of Qazox? Will it be the best ever Qazox World Cup?
Dazzi: Pheonix can fly but they can crash and burn as well.

Dinkie: Speaking of crashing and burning!
Dazzi: Endmile beat Jeruselem army Jeru FC THREE ONE. Army team suck!
Dinkie: Err, poor Kate Bush.
Dazzi: Dazzi will sort Jeru FC out.

Dinkie: Err, now to Group 9!
Dazzi: Dazzi is happy.
Dinkie: No upsets really with one close game.
Dazzi: (rubs breast) Itchy!

Dinkie: Quakmybush - nothing to do with Dazzi's night life, took on Trumanistan and easily brushed them aside THREE NIL. Yes, the Quaks keep on winning and are looking good so far. They might even challenge is for top spot.
Dazzi: Quakmybush is good team. We must be beat them to show who's boss in Group 9.

Dinkie: French-sounding Noirthemme got eaten by Patusan THREE NIL, and err yeah.
Dazzi: Noirthemme like wooden spoons, Dazzi has lots of them in her kitchen.

Dinkie: The Gogs from Northern Bettia had to play fellow Crusaders St Samuel. This was a big game with both teams needing a win to keep up with Jeruselem and Quakmybush, and it was the Gogs who thumped out a THREE TWO win.
Dazzi: Very good game but Northern Bettia very rough. Gogs not nice football manners.
Dinkie: Yes, we'll meet them later in a real test. But for now, they are doing well.
Dazzi: Dazzi must watch self in Northern Behacked by lots of people wanting naughties.

Dinkie: Right, Jeruselem, that's us for stupid out there, played a team called Planting.
Dazzi: Jeruselem attacked with bulldozers knocking down trees, and wiping out the Planting forrest.
Dinkie: Err, Dazzi's just saying we won THREE ONE. Actually, I scored a goal!
Dazzi: Cutey Brother Haven score two goals. He is star Monk in Jeruselem team!

Dinkie: We are getting better, three goals today - same as last two games combined. We are yet to play Gogs, Quaks or fellow Crusaders.
Dazzi: Dazzi support Jeruselem to qualify.

Dinkie: OK, YAP YAP ... we're talking Dazza Dallas's new book. Dazzi, any time to read between getting attacked by very large monsters with tenticles?
Dazzi: Yes, good book Bikedom for Bimbos. Good book for people like me.
Dinkie: I had a read and bikedom is not for me. But I'm going to try to use some of Dazza's techniques to get more favourable outcomes for myself.
Dazzi: Dazza smart girl.

Dazza: Hello! I see my counterpart Dazzi is here.
Dinkie: Kate Dallas, you're sneaky.
Dazzi (Kate): I got ya Dinkie! Yay.
Dinkie: Well, as you can see it was Kate not Dazza. Hard to tell between the two in make-up.

Dazza: Sur votre vélo !
Dinkie: That's ON YA BIKE if you're not French.
Dazzi: Sayonara!

The Daily Quak
Well This is a Good Start

The Quakmybush National Soccer team added wins number 2 and 3 to their World Cup 39 qualifying campaign. The first of these two wins came against Northern Bettia, and the other against Trumanistan. The match against Northen Bettia ended 3-1. While the Trumanistan match was a 3-0 scoreline. The match against Northern Bettia was the Sharks first test in this qualifying campagin. Then Fire Ants are ranked higher than the Sharks, and they play dirtier. The match against Northern Bettia was also going to be tough because the Fire Ants are known for diving, which can be a pain to play against. The Sharks came out a bit nervous, and would not tackle, due to the fact that they knew that the Fire Ants would over exagerate. This lead to Northern Bettia's first goal when one of their forwards ran down trhe wing untouched and found the net, making it 1-0 Northern Bettia. The Sharks finally woke up when Jon Fields was tackled hard resulting in a penalty for Quakmybush. The Northern Bettia player was also assesed a red card. Fields made no mistake on the penalty. Bringing the game back to a 1-1 draw. This was the score going into the break. The Sharks scored an early one when Cory Sorley took a shot from the top of the box that found its way into the net making it a 2-1 lead. Then the Northern Bettians had a chance, when a midfielder put the ball off the post. Cam Carroll gathered up the ball and then booted it down the field right to Andrew Plett, who put it in, making it 3-1. That is how the match ended.
Quakmybush - 3
Fields 41' Sorley 47' Plett 78'

Northern Bettia - 1
Forward 9'

Goal Scorers
Fields - 3
Sorley - 2
Bricking, Baker, Plett - 1

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v338/Oli55/teleolinouvelleslogo.png

Webcast: http://www.teleoli.ol/diffInter/archives/2043/17mai/004.mpeg

[Julie Dubé] "Hello everyone. Welcome to tonight's Télénouvelles. Tonight, the Oliverrian national soccer team was playing at Complexe national de Soccer, in Marshalliston. For more details, we're going to reach Jacques Tremblay at Complexe National. Hi Jacques... *waits 2 seconds* Jacques? Can you hear me?

[Jacques Tremblay] "I can hardly hear you Julie. Hear the fans cheering? *hundreds of fans cheer behind Jacques* . I guess you know what it means, right?"

[Julie] "That'd usually mean that, either Oliverry won, or Bostopians celebrated a win over Oliverry, but we weren't playing them..."

[Jacques] "Exactly! Oliverry won 3-1 over Novapsolu. I made a report about the match. Here it is."

*screen fades to show a image of the crowd cheering in the stadium*

[Jacques] "It's in that kind of ambiance that the Oliverrian national team played their third match of the qualifying phase, against Novapsolu. The Oliverrian team had a chance to score at the third minute..."

*sound from the broadcast of the game fades in*

[Christian Caron] "Lagassé... passes to Labbé in the zone... Labbé goes around Klark, shoots... SCORES!! Oliverry leads 1-0!!..."

*sound from the game fades out*

[Jacques] "But the goal was dissallowed, as Gérard Labbé was offside. At the 12th minute, though, Oliverry took revenge and Anton Sanschagrin scored from a corner kick."

*sound from the broadcast of the game fades in*

[Christian] "Gibeau to take the corner kick... the ball goes high, very high... Goes low at the back. Sanschagrin heads to the net and SCOOOORES!! That one should count!!! UN À ZÉRO!! WOW!!"

*sound from the game fades out*

[Jacques] "After that, Novapsolu took control of the game for over 25 minutes, as the Oliverrian squad seemed to slow down and go overconfident after that goal. Luckily, Dominic Webb was dominant, as usual. But, at the 39th minute..."

[Christian] "Stinson is in all alone! He jumps the ball over Webb and kicks the ball right into the net! Incredible!! Novapsolu tied the game!! Un à un!"

[Jacques] At half-time, here's what people had to say:

[Person one] "I guess it will be tough to win this one, as Oliverry seems to be decided to play like a bunch of Bostopians."

[Person two] "The national team has the potential to win this match! Being in the top 20 nations in the world and not being able to qualify? No no no... OLIVERRY POUR LA COUPE!!"

[Person three] "They have to win... The players are so cute... Like my hair! By the way, did I tell you I think I'm a little bit too fat? I'd need a liposuccion right?"

[Jacques] "Right after half-time, Oliverry bounced back into the game. At the 52nd minute, the Oliverrians scored, after a counter-attack launched by Gustave Nicol. Isaac Lacombe scored from a 20 metres shot and it was 2-1 for Oliverry. At the 67th minute, a rather controversial yellow card was handed to Finn Williams, after he brought down Andrew Webb in the zone. Paul Le Roy took the opportunity to go complain to the referee and he got red carded. As you could think, the referee got booed. This didn't prevent the Oliverrian squad to score a third goal at the 75th minute, from a free kick about 15 metres away from the Novapsoluan goal, which was taken by Kevin Carter.

Once the match ended, the Oliverrian fans' reaction was divided between frustration and joy. From some source, some fans even went to the referee's locker room to beat him, but luckily for the referee, security guards came in right before he was beaten. L'Association Oliverrienne de Soccer has called a press conference for tomorrow, in order to calm down the fans about that story. Jacques Tremblay, TéléOli Nouvelles, Marshalliston."

[Julie] "So Jacques, a rather convincing win for Oliverry then"

[Jacques] "Exactly. I went into the locker room after the match and the enthusiasm was unbreakable. Even the manager, Roger Parizeau, seemed happy and no action will be taken against Le Roy, as Parizeau fully agreed with what he said. Here's what he had to say after the game."

[Roger Parizeau] "That was a great match. We won despite being a man down for 25 minutes... *waits for another question* Definately! That referee should have given him a red card, not a yellow, and Paul didn't deserve a red card."

[Julie] "Thank you Jacques for this summary of the match! When's next game?"

[Jacques] "It will be on Friday 22nd July, vs. Kristovénie, on Marcus Octavius Memorial Field."

[Julie] "Thank you for these informations. I guess our viewers will be interested to know about this. See you later!"

[Jacques] "Good bye!"

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/daehanjeiguk.pngDaehanjeiguk || 2 - 2 || The Archregimancyhttp://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/the%20archregimancy.png

A critical draw keeps the Imperial Team high!

http://soccer.sportsnet.tsn.ca/images/stories/20060613/korea_40562.jpg

The scene in Gwangju was chaotic to say the least. The Archregimancy made their presence known with their looming costumes and experienced play. However, the youthful vibrancy of the Imperial Team kept the match moving, leading to a comfortable and acceptable 2-2 draw.

It was a good day at the Gwangdong Imperial Sport Complex and Stadium, as the Imperial Team started out the game keeping the Archregimancy at hand. However, an early goal by the Archregimancy in the 20th minute silenced the crowd, and an imposing 37th minute shot nearly doubled the score deficit. With the Imperial side going out at half down 0-1, Head Coach Cha Beomgeun felt that the team needed some confidence. "They were down, and I expected it to be so. They [the Archregimancy] are one of the best teams in the world, and we were expected to lose. However, I told them that to expect defeat will surely bring it. To covet victory is more glorious still." Whatever happened in the dressing room, the team found itself inspired, as it went out to the field again. Cha Beomgeun made his critical substitutions - Kim Byeongji for Seo Jeongweon, and Wang Shinheun for Go Jongsu. The two midfielders fresh energy brought the team to its first goal of the match. A critical corner in the 70th minute brought the Imperial side to the the Archregimancy goal, where Kim Byeongji made a brilliant dash and headed the ball directly past the keeper - his long robes hindering the full movement of his body. However, the equalizing shot was short lived, as a sudden burst found the Archregimancy taking the lead again in the 78th minute. With the crowd cheering again, Kim Byeongji single-handedly brought the Imperial side up once again, and brought out the best in the Han ball control, as the team maneuvered the ball to the top of the PK box, and Kim Daeeui fired his shot. Repelled at first, he recovered the ball and passed back to Kim Byeongji who knocked it away for 2-2 even in the 89th minute. The Han side made a few more tries, but to no avail, as the crowds continued to cheer on for the Imperial side.

An ecstatic Man of the Match (Kim Byeongji) recalled his strikes - "It was almost as if the gates of heaven opened to me, and a clearing of the path for the ball made its way to the back of the net. I can't say much else; I'm glad that they both went in, and that we were able to secure the draw at least, although we can't ever be too far from a serious win." Head Coach Cha Beomgeun commented on his substitution for Kim Byeongji - "He was practicing hard, and I knew that he was a dependable substitute. But what he did out there completely reversed our fortunes on the field, and I must give him credit for that. He was energetic, and I'm glad that those chances that he received were well taken." In reports taken from a press conference by the MFA (of the Archregimancy) commented well of the Imperial side: "if you remember the MFA's pre-tournament predictions, it was always thought that Daehanjeiguk would prove a threat. They displayed great form in the Baptism of Fire, and we always knew they'd be one of the more dangerous of the emerging nations."

Ahead of the next match against the now second-position Wentland will take the Imperial Team out of the country, losing the potentially vital home field advantage. Despite their rank at #19, Head Coach Cha Beomgeun said, "We held The Archregimancy at an even draw 2-2. I don't see much of a greater effort to try making it 3-2 at our next match. I'm not saying that we're going to make this any easier or harder for ourselves; we've got a great start, and I'm fairly confident that we can take a victory out of this next match, as long as we keep our heads high and our morale higher. Today's match proves that anything is possible, and if we make the key plays, like we did today, we can beat the higher seed. But again, we'll take a draw if need be. The players have proven very capable on the field, and their practice has shown that they are willing to make every effort to win. Of course, I don't expect people to hold me accountable for a victory away in Wentland - we'll bring something home, and we'll make sure that whatever Wentland takes from us, they'll be fighting every inch of turf to win it." Amid controversial remarks that the Imperial Team was doomed to damnation, Cha Beomgeun replied, "I don't think that any heavenly force will want us to be eternally damned, but I can't guarantee it either. Come on! We're playing football, not God."

Today's match draw keeps the Imperial Team on top of the group, with Wentland and the Archregimancy closely following. Additionally, ahead of the match against Wentland, Cha Beomgeun has announced changes in the starting line up:

Kim Yongdae

Kim Chigon Pak Geonha Choi Jincheol

Wang Shinheun Yi Eulyong Han Paeng Heo Jeongmu

Seo Jeongweon

Yi Dongguk Kim Eunjung

Summary of Events:
20' - ARC Goal
70' - HAN Goal (#21)
78' - ARC Goal
89' - HAN Goal (#21)

GROUP 12
Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Daehanjeiguk 2 2 1 0 6 3 +3 7
2 Wentland 2 2 1 0 5 2 +3 7
3 The Archregimancy 2 2 1 0 5 3 +2 7
4 Jariss 2 1 2 0 4 2 +2 5
5 Bellzantium 2 1 0 2 6 3 +3 3
6 Jaseuyeon 2 1 0 2 3 5 -2 3
7 Cebumopolis 2 0 1 2 2 4 -2 1
8 Central Prestonia 2 0 0 3 2 11 -9 0

New Qazian Press

Pheonix Get Home-Cooking

In a hard fought game, the Pheonix knocked off Zwangzug 2-1 in front of a sell-out crowd of 85,000 at the SaxerDome in Saxervilla. Two goals from Greg Holden in the first half made it 2-0 and the crowd noise in the Dome flustered Zwangzug enough that they couldn't get a goal until Yul Maughum's int he 82nd minute of play.

Both of holden's goals came with a bit of controversy. The first, Ty Revee seemed to be offsides when he got a pass from Juan Torres, and the Zwangzug defense seemed to pull up a bit, leaving Holden open for a easy shot on net. The second goal in the 41st minute was a penalty kick awarded to Qazox, though replays showed that the foul was out of the box.

But the match is over and the Pheonix move into 2nd place in the group, behind Az-cz. Up next is a trip to Kedalfax. Should be an easy match, but as histroy has shown, Qazox is prone to being upset.


Match Summary:
32': Goal (QZX) Greg Holden
41': Goal (QZX) Greg Holden() PK
53': YC, (ZWG)
79': YC, Henri Torabla (QZX)
82':Goal (ZWG) Yul Maughum


Shots:
Qazox: 11
Zwangzug: 5

Corners:
Qazox: 7
Zwangzug: 4

FOULS:
Qazox: 6
Zwangzug: 5

Bazalonia Today

Perfect Bazalonia

TT Lake Side, Spruitland and Dance 2 Revolution where the three sides that the Bazalopes faced in the first three matchdays. A team from the Baptism of Fire, a once better than current and a relatively low ranked team who's glory days are long past.

These games have seen a perfect 3-0-0 record for the Bazalopes with the following results

Bazalonia 3 – 0 TT Lake Side
Bazalonia 2 – 1 Spruitland
Dance 2 Revolution 0 – 1 Bazalonia

Group 5 Table:

Group 5 P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Bazalonia 3 3 0 0 6 1 +5 9
2 Bettia 3 2 0 1 11 5 +6 6
3 Spruitland 3 2 0 1 6 3 +3 6
4 Green Wombat 3 1 2 0 5 2 +3 5
5 TT Lake Side 3 1 0 2 3 6 −3 3
6 Kansiov 3 0 2 1 0 3 −3 2
7 Dance 2 Revolution 3 0 1 2 3 6 −3 1
8 Shackfold 3 0 1 2 2 10 −8 1

The aggressive Takil reputation, "We don't do defense, we trash defense." was been well earned so far in the tournament with a plus 6 Goal Differential with 2 wins and a loss in the 3 matches. It's another case of the Terrible B's with Bazalonia and Bettia should take this group by the neck and dominate over all others. Whetter the Aroras or the Bazalopes take the group will depend on just how well the Bazalopes can deal with the Bettian Enslaught

---

"I wonder if Peter will let up on us.." said David Myfanwy

"I doubt it, the World Cup has only just started and we still have yet to play... Hey have you seen Kang around. I hadn't seen him since the D2R match." responded Frederick Hampstead

The whole team minus Everrett Kang and Peter Hobble was assembled before their home match against Shackfold. It was scheduled to be in The SeaBazalope Arena in Cantinople. The doors to the room opened... Peter Hobble strode into the room, his face was very disturbed... "I've got bad news... Everret has been kiddnapped. We don't know by who but. I had just recieved this message, and I have just talked with the BFP and they believe it to be real threat and so do I. Away security will be stepped out and the BFP Will want to talk with you

The room was in shock, but how, where and what for.

"What do they want?" asked a horriffied Ricky Yunn

"We don't know they haven't said, but they have said that they will get in contact us again with their demands. For now I think they just want us scared, and that they have done."

---

This didn't seem right, a footballer just didn't disappear over night, a kidnap note had been received but there was just something about this that didn't seem right. The head of the BFP Missing Persons Unit team in charge of finding Everret Kang, He'd needed to find much more information than he had. He sighed and started to delve into anything that he could find.

Inside the Flaggon Dragon

<TV announcer: Despite Mathew Dossey's injury in the previous match, the Potheads proved no match for Limbrogidlia as they win 2-0 at Ennemies' Complex, in Ennemy City, Southern Limbrogidlia. The potheads are now in a 4-way tie for 2nd place based solely on record, but are placed 5th due to goal differential.
Goals were scored by: Lonnie Dejohn in the 29th minute and by Kelly Furfaro in the 78th.
Up next for the Potheads is a trip to Herchimer, of which no-one knew of until this Cup. For STV, this has been Brian Stewart.>


Police Chief Danner: (in sing-song type voice) You owe me 100WS! Thanks for the gas money for the week.

Mayor Cremit: Blow it out your fat butt. They clearly were resting due to this road trip. Double or nothing we get 3 or more on Herchimer.

Danner: Gladly, but I don't get paid until the day after this next match... I'll just dip into the PAL fund, no one will notice it's there.

Cremit: The PAL fund? A bit risky, don't you think?

Danner: No, only I have access to the account, beside yourself and the Education Commisioner. Beside If I lose, I'll just make it up with my pay. My raise has gone through, right?

Cremit: You know what, let's make the bet on this next match your raise. IF the potheads get 3 or more goals, You don't get one. If they don't score 3 goals, You'll get it.

Danner: My raise.. on a football game? Yeah why not, it's not like the kickbacks from the mob ain't gonna help out over the next couple of days. Hey, where'd that bartender go? I swear he's never around when I'm about to buy a round.

Alexandria Times-Tribune-Post-Gazette-Chronicle-Journal-Enquirer

News Section

Chief Rabbi Gamliel declares Margaret worship illegal

In a shocking move the religious authority of Milchama, the Chief Rabbinate, declared all forms of Margaret illegal under Jewish law being inconsistent with the first commandment plus numerous other places talking about how sacrifices to false gods are bad and you should only pray/sacrifice to the Hebrew god (We will not break the commandments at this newspaper). The official Milchamian government has not banned the practice saying, "It helps the Warriors win which increases glory for Milchama and glory is good. Glory is key to hege."

The question has become how much power does the religious authority have and will this actually effect change in Milchama? The popular opinion is that it won't maybe last World Cup but certainly not now with the Cult of Margaret entrenched as the second most popular religion in Milchama and growing. However some say that this could signal a change in Milchama with conservatism increasing as a response to the kibbutz movement and general dissatisfaction with the current government. The point being nobody knows.

One other tidbit, Rabbi Gamliel has called upon his fellow Jewish nations plus the Alasdair I Frosticus and The Archregimancy to support him in this venture saying, "Even if some of them don't agree with all of our ideas they can at least agree that following the true God is better than worshiping Margaret."

"You tortured that Endmile Journalist?!... What was her name? Jan Kruis?"

"I dunno what her name was."

"Then why did you .. uh question her. Because she looked suspicious a Journalist, here to cover a so-called "Qualification match" for the world cup. That is quite suspicious, to add to it that she didn't bring along any type of security. We found no weapons on her, very suspicious."

"You know there was a football match against Endomile, and you know people don't generally travel internationally with weapons on board."

"Oh, there was, What was the result?"

"3-nil you bolt and then 4-0 against Jeru FC, those military guys didn't know what hit them. We made them cry like little babies and got away with it all, I wonder they'd be able to perform their biological perogative *snigger*."

"Huh?"

"Nevermind... Kiryu-shi however was tougher, we managed a 2-2 draw against them."

"What's a draw?"

"Sorry, I thought you'd have the mental capacity to be able to know what a draw was."

"That's alright, I already ate."

"Just go and rough up some journalists okay."

"Oh, goody!"

Ulzaxid would like to proposes a set of queries to Archregimancy:

1. You will never be able to find proof of the existence of your god. As such are you willing to contemplate the idea that god doesn't exist, even if you think it's a foolish and incorrect idea?

2. What advice can you give us on how to improve at this game of football without using our full physical capabilities. We're also not willing to change away from our 1-2-7 formation. So other than that what would you suggest?

3. If Gnomes are soulless entities, but elves are perhaps savable, how do you feel about Ulzaxids?

FLoG Suffers Defeat
Diawsam
Grotewohl Associated Press

Upon entering the field the mighty forces of FLoG seemed to be a bit troubled. Before them was a team of great skill, but they would not let that intimidate them. The Holy Empire as I have come to learn its name as continues to attack fiercely with a never ended resolve to get the ball in the goal.

The first goal came quickly off the start of the match with The Holy Empire pushing the ball straight down the field toward the goal. None of FLoG's defense had gone up against such a mighty offensive push before this time. They were used to defensive teams that didn't push like this.

A defensive move of players was made by Wen as G.P. and Dizzy move back further, and Sun became a midfielder. However, the push by The Holy Empire made a second goal come about 15 minutes into the game.

At this time, Wen himself came farther back on the field and became a defender. This started to become and impressive display of stamina and strength as Wen pushed up and down the field for the entirety of the first half. A final push by Wen, passing to Ash, who then passed back to Wen found Wen just beyond midfield with Auq and Qak pushing down the field. As the Holy Empire's team tried to get back to the ball, the three working as a team managed to get the ball passed the defense. In the end it was finished by a shot by Auq, the keeper had to take a dive for the ball and the ball powered its way through his hands.

After the half both sides had gone to total offense mode. In the next 45+ minutes of the match, goals were alternated between the two teams until there was a final score of 5-3, Holy Empire.

Scoring the last 2 goals of the game for FLoG was Qak. Once again the teamwork of Auq and Qak, aided by Wen, found itself to be the driving force of the FLoG offensive.

After the game I was able to get a word in with Wen who had this to say. "Today we were defeated by a superior team, I will admit this ended as such. However, there is still much to be learned by my squad. After only first played the game in the Baptism of Fire previous to this tournament, I felt we held up well against such a team as the Holy Empire. I will learn much from this match. One can only learn so much from victory, but from defeat, the lessons are endless. We will train, and we will grow stronger, and we will defeat the Holy Empire the next time we face them."

At the end of this game, FLoG finds itself in second place in group 6 behind the Holy Empire.

Group 6 P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 The Holy Empire [AIF] 3 3 0 0 15 4 +11 9
2 Grotewohl 3 2 0 1 11 8 +3 6
3 Vilita 3 2 0 1 7 4 +3 6
4 British Londinium 3 2 0 1 5 4 +1 6
5 Sativaville 3 2 0 1 5 6 −1 6
6 Limbrogidlia 3 0 1 2 1 5 −4 1
7 Herchimer 3 0 1 2 1 7 −6 1
8 Ulzaxid 3 0 0 3 2 9 −7 0

Leading scorers for FLoG
1. Qak 6 goals 2 per game average
2. Sun 2 goals .666 pga
3. Auq 2 goals .666 pga
4. Wen 1 goal .333 pga

News on other teams from the region have changed for the better. Endmile has won 3-1 in its latest match giving a record of 1-1-1. And Bellzantium has won 6-0 making there record 1-0-2. Trumanistan was once again defeated and still has yet to win a match.

May the Football League of Grotewohl continue in the favor of the gods.

Diawsam the Seer

"And who do we face today, Jean Baudoin?"

"I believe it is a nation called Grotewohl, Jean Albert, but I know little about them except that they participated in the Baptism of Fire philosophy tournament and that it is rumoured that they participate in tournaments.... oh my....."

"What is it, Jean Baudoin?"

"I cannot help but notice that these barbarians play shirtless, each strong rippling muscle handsomely emphasised against the sweaty physiques of their manly chests. It is a most.... inspiring sight."

"It almost sounds as if you find sexual pleasure in these greased barbarian. I thought that yesterday you were claiming that sex is a transient and meaningless pleasure, where any pleasure gained through the act of procreation is an illusion caused by a pointless biological urge that can ultimately bring more suffering and pain through the resulting gradual increase of population?"

"Ah, but Jean Albert... you misunderstood. I was arguing, was I not, from the assumption of classical bourgeois conceptions of sexuality - a narrow moral constraint that seeks to impose ethics based on with whom one shares one's sexual organs. Today I argue that we cast aside these ethical constraints and - through the proverbial act of will - embrace the full range of sexual experience available to the individual by rejecting conventional morality. And you must agree that they are quite... magnificent, as the sweat pours down their bodies... again, I find it most... stimulating."

"I am afraid that I cannot embrace your rejection of bourgeois morality on this issue, Jean Baudoin, for my girlfriend Odile and my mistress Odette are both watching this debate this evening."

"But how can you have a mistress if you are not married? Are you not simply cheating on your girlfriend."

"Odile does not wish to become married. She calls marriage a 'bourgeois legal framework', and I for one am inclined to agree. Nonetheless, Jean Baudoin, as a philosopher in the great French tradition, I am duty bound to have a mistress. Therefore I also have Odette."

"I am beginning to think that you are more shackled to conventional bourgeois morality than you care to admit. But before we go out and defeat these magnificent barbarians, I do have one question..."

"What is that, Jean Baudoin?"

"Why is it that we must debate on a football field for the third time? I am beginning to think that this is a most unusual World Cup of Philosophy, do you not agree?"

"I do, Jean Baudoin... but so long as we keep destroying the opposition, I for one do not mind much how we win."

Amda-Mo: That's more like it. The Gnomes finally bust out with a 5-0 thrashing of Sorthern Northland.

Lur-Mn: Indeed. Finally. The kids were so confused by the formation that they didn't know what to do. There energy was good but they didn't know how to combat the tactics.

Amda-Mo: We finally earned a shutout today. Does that make you rethink what you said about Nerazzurri following last game?

Lur-Mn: Not really. Look the team played very well today and Nerazzurri made all the right reads. But they didn't really have many chances to being with. No one's doubting his football IQ, which is top notch, but rather his physical condition. Pizelkaxrovsky hasn't suffered as much with age issues. Zax-Im has to deal with the fact that Nerazzurri isn't the kid he was back when we won the Baptism of Fire.

Amda-Mo: And how about the offense?

Lur-Mn: Simply sublime today. Pizelkaxrovsky is still absolutely incredible. For my money he's the best soccer player in the world. And he got a lot of the team involved today. All three attacking midfielders and Ip-Gp found the back of the net today. That's what we like to see, the whole squad getting involved.

Amda-Mo: Other thoughts about the days match?

Lur-Mn: It was just what we needed. It gives the team some much needed confidence. We need to keep playing at this level. Seeing as how there's only one acceptable result this cup we can't just drag along. And things will be racheting up in difficulty, so getting while the getting's good is very important.

Amda-Mo: Fair enough. Before we get to those matchups, however, we've got one more against a bottom level side as we host Cookesland, another side that competed in the WBC.

Lur-Mn: I don't really have a lot to say about this matchup. They handed Collonie their third straight 2-1 loss, although they were at home when they did it. Much like Sorthern Northland we ought to expect to roll.

Amda-Mo: Looking around the group, there was a big match today.

Lur-Mn: Yeah, Qazox taking down Zwangzug, in Qazox. The Oxwindixes, as the Az-cz media has taking to call them doubled up on Zwanzug 2-1. Considering they haven't played us yet Zwangzug can't be pleased to be sitting on four points. Which means they'll be very dangerous when we meet. The other important result is Candelaria And Marquez beat Kedalfax to stay undefeated. They look like they'll be right in this race till the end.

Amda-Mo: And from other groups what should we be aware of?

Lur-Mn: I'd focus on three results: A couple of 2-2 draws and a 3-1 game. Ariddia is once again off to a slow but undefeated start. They've turned into the absolute master of the draw, earning two more in their first three games. They seem to be unable to find results in most matches it seems. The second draw is a big result for the Baptism of Fire champs. Daehanjeiguk played the monks even for 90 minutes to keep hold of the top spot out in group 12. And in a rivarly game, the Elves dominated Assegai, which combined with a suprising Tynelia draw against Kampfers springs the Elves to a solo lead on top of group 10.

Amda-Mo: Indeed Ariddia is a strange one. Struggle to win regular matches, but turn it on when it counts. How about the top six?

6. Estresse Intenso

This sixth spot was definitely the most difficult. I considered both of the other 9 point teams here, that being us and Jeruselem. I thought about bringing up a strong looking seven pointer. But I ended up with the rivals of the hosts. There are a few reasons behind this. One is the fact that they're the only team to open with three shutouts. Secondly, they won in Swilatia, a more impressive scalp than either us or Jeruselem have. And third they finally seem to be playing up to their potential.

5. Bazalonia

Beating both of the former powers is good, even if they came in struggles. But the word "former" is applied to those teams for a reason. They're playing well, but have yet to really kick it into high gear. And the schedule maker hasn't really provided for two many difficult games for these teams up to this point, perhaps explaining how they've managed to win three times.

4. Schiavonia

Another day, another lower ranked side driven brutally into the ground. They're certainly off to a flying start. Estresse Intenso and Rejistania ought to give them good games, but let's face the fact that they ought to rack up gawdy numbers against this competition. It will be hard to tell if they really are the #3 team in the world before the cup proper.

3. Elves Security Forces

They come jumping into the list after a nice game against a strong opponent. Of course they ought to beat Assegai Developments, but against a good rival any multiple goal win has to be viewed as an accomplishment. They also dispatched Kampfers easily. Things are indeed looking good for the elves.

2. Alasdair I Frosticus

Maybe they're over rated here. It's possible they should be back in fourth or fifth. It all depends on how good Grotewohl is. If they're really as good as they looked against Vilita, then a 5-3 win for the Empire was a good win. If that Vilita game is a fluke than Alasdair I Frosticus ought to be worried about why they allowed three goals. But for the time being we'll give both Grotewohl and Alasdair I Frosticus the benefit of the doubt.

1. Quakmybush

Another impressive win for the sharks keeps them on top of this list. With Northern Bettia beating St. Samuel that win gains even more credibility. They continue to play good defense, being in the pack behind Estresse Intenso with just one goal allowed. They have a huge test coming up, travelling to Jeruselem, in what could be the last match between perfect record teams this cup.

Amda-Mo: Indeed, that is a huge game. No doubt the ratings will be through the roof for it.

Lur-Mn: True. It'll help add some enjoyment to our low level match. We'll see you back here next time to discuss both. Good night.

Kura-Pelland moved to within a point of the group leaders and within a goal of the top three after destroying Keyne Island 3-0 with a superb display of attacking football.

The team, remaining on a high from their home win over experienced side The Islands of Qutar, eased past the lowly islanders with three second-half goals after 45 minutes of tedium.

Jamie Kirklees opened the floodgates on 52 minutes, a Walter Tensen long pass being completely misjudged by the Keyne Island defence leaving Kirklees with a simple one-on-one chance; on the hour, Cafundeu-bound defender Zachary Fellendorf headed in an Alan Grahams header; on 71 minutes, all doubt was removed when Kirklees struck again, this time from 25 yards with the aid of a slight deflection. The home fans booed their team off, while Kura-Pelland were left with the satisfaction of two wins from three games.

Manager Andy Woolworth cautioned against excitement, insisting 'Yafor 2 will turn up in the next few matches, I guarantee it; their position is misleading, they are in fact one of the best teams in this group'. If the group goes to seeding plan, Yafor 2 will take the playoff spot, with Milchama and Sel Appa - who drew 2-2 in their match yesterday - auto-qualifying. Woolworth refused to declare a target for the team in their first World Cup qualifying campaign, but most long-term plans in the Department for Sport work on the implicit assumption that the team's World Cup finals debut will be in WC38 or WC39.

Things were rather... strange for the Rejistani national team on their first away game without a rejistani nation. The airport in the Non-RPing n00b was nothing more than a shack but they did control the passports and luggage carefully. The idea that there was no rejistani nation but a rejistani national team was too much for their poor buereaucratic brains. The national team had to wait 5 hours until a someone with a higher rank but somewhat more mental flexibility came to hear their cases and laughed when he heard their story.

Another issue for the team was that there was no national anthem. The non-RPing n00b however did not know this and used the last rejistani anthem Rejistanha'ki'kaletri. No one of the team sang the well-known lyrics - you do not want to be considered unpatriotic for singing the national anthem (despite the delicious irony of it).

The match was not the kind of slaughtering these matches normally end as. standing for 5 hours straight does has an effect on the overall state of the players. The goalkeeper of the non-RPing n00b ruined the tuxedo in which he was playing for a not really known reason. When the match finished and the players got eventually some well-deserved rest the score was 3:0 for Rejistania. the national team knew that the only issue now would be to get home (or at least to another former rejistani state) somehow.

"Willkommen bei national Hetkali und regional Mara"* a sign at the Hetkali 'airport' said. Someone apperntly used a certain fish for translation and this made the translation go horribly wrong. Also other signs at the airport and city seemed to be babblefished instead of translated: "Trinke'Du vielleicht Alkohol wenig viel zu erleben abend mehr Zeit!" the standard message at pubs which expected Bercktesgaden fans said. Of yourse this was the translation of something which intended to mean: "Drink less alcohol to experience a longer evening." (the other version which said: "Drink less because I do not want to clean up your vomit" was left untranslated, only telling its message in Minokajetian and Majuvedian).

The nation of Hetkali was the host of their first home game of the ... Orange-Blues? Transregionals? Team? and they prepared to do the best job they could, even if that involved using a foreign language. The match took place at the "Nationalstadium angreifend Hetkali" because the translation program never was able to differ between qualificators and parts of the name of a place. Maybe inspired by this friendly reception, Bercktesgaden played a good match - only to lose 0:2 after 94 exciting minutes.

*Welcome at national Hetkali and regional Mara

http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/logos/tribune-wc36.png
AEROPAG, JI · 0.10 g Au · 159–04–12
Now spending 25% more time on graphics and 20% less time on reporting

Sports: 혜성즈 (Hyesūŋjī) surrender after early lead against the Wents
SONOMA CITY, BD—자스연 (Jasīʼyūn) slipped further in their seventh attempt to qualify for the World Cup, losing 1–3 to Wentland yesterday. Though some experts are already writing off the team’s chances based on their first three qualifying games, manager Mitchell Ramírez was much more optimistic in his press conference. “Sure, we lost to those slan—er, the Archregimancy and Wentland, the top two seeds in the group. We only need to finish third to reach the playoff—which, even though it’s still not quite the qualification we’re hoping for, is better than the last six tries. Hopefully the next four matches will help us reach that position.”

Although the final outcome was not good for the home team, the start of the match was, as the team played well together for the first quarter-hour and took the lead in the eleventh minute when 안남화 (ʼAn Nam-hwa) successfully headed in a corner kick. Eager to maintain their lead, the 혜성즈 (Hyesūŋjī) slowed their pace considerably after the initial goal—a little too much, it seemed, as the referee showed the first yellow card of the match to goalkeeper Leon Petersdorf, for wasting time while preparing to take a goal kick. Later in the first half, Wentland seemed to find a strategy that allowed them to pass through the back line, and eventually, striker Lenny Newton broke away from his opponents to put the equalizer past Petersdorf in the forty-first minute. The score would remain 1–1 at halftime.

Neither side was able to gain an advantage in the opening minutes of the second half, though it was certainly not for a lack of trying—by the fifty-fifth minute, each team had attempted four shots in the second half. All of the shots went off target, except one by Wentland’s Joe Weston, which resulted in a goal that was disallowed due to a push against June Daniel. After that, 자스연 (Jasīʼyūn) tended to respect Wentland, though still kept a tight back line in an attempt to hold them to a draw. This tactic failed in the seventy-first minute when Oriala Nisauä, who had pulled back to a midfield role, pulled the shirt of Newton, resulting in a yellow card and a penalty kick. Charlie Ackroyd converted the kick to put the Wents up 2–1. The final nail in the coffin came in the first minute of injury time, when a mistake by Petersdorf allowed Newton to chip his second goal in—what could very well have been a hat-trick were it not for Nisauä’s interference. The match ended 3–1 in favor of Wentland.

The next match for the 혜성즈 (Hyesūŋjī) will be against Cebumopolis. Little is known about the team, other than that, in the words of the Monastic Football Association of the Archregimancy, “that ‘-opolis’ suffix suggests that they may be Greek, and therefore Orthodox.” Though Ramírez has almost certainly warned his team against complacency, few expect Cebumopolis to pose them a serious challenge.

http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/worldcup/graphics/matchsummary/wc36q/jsy/wld/

Aurendia 1–0 The Sons of a Monkey

The first goalless game for the Monkeys has ended in a shock defeat to the previously winless Aurendian team. A substitution late in the game taking off a defender for another striker backfired when the Aurendians were able to score a late winner in the 88th minute. After fighting so hard to maintain the point neccessary from this game, it was thrown away in ten minutes of madness which saw a 4 man attack line that surrendered midfield like it was france. A nice counter attack move by Aurendia down the left ended in a headed goal past the hopelessly flapping Monkeys goalkeeper.

They will need to perform much better in their next game and hopefully a few more goals would not go astray.

From the Na~ovi Nanti:

National team without nation searches new nickname

Since the Orange-Blues do no longer wear Orange-Blue uniforms and no longer are Rejistani, the Asene Sekhika Rejistanha and about every reported in former Rejistania searches for another nickname. Let's help the only loyal persons from Sike! Send your submissions to helptheteam@naovinational.nvi.rj or lasaneines@naovinanti.nvi.rj .

Suggestions already received:
* Lasane'het (the team)
* Tahiakan'ny (Tahiakans are monsters from a rejistani myth)
* Invincibles (or in rejistanian: ma'ta-sono'he'ny)
* Kaskada'ny (the kaskada is a type of butterfly)
* Interregionals (rekijo-mesit'he'ny)
* Valiants (Xalki'he'ny)

TV programming across Bostopia was interrupted for breaking news. For 9 Digital viewers, this meant the feed cut immediately to Channel 9 Griffwitness News.

[Griffis] Breaking news coming to us...the Goverment has just released the following statement, marked as "urgent". I'll read from it now.


Following slanderous remarks made by an Oliverrian toward us, we have taken the unanimous decision to begin the bombing of Marshalliston, Oliverry, with 50,000lbs of blue cheese. This is intended to cause maximum disruption and smell, and to be less pleasant than having a bird relieve itself into your hair, as blue cheese is more sticky and smells a lot worse.

[Griffis] Ok, well, we'll bring you more news as we get it. This is Channel 9, thanks for watching, and stick with us.

To: helptheteam@naovinational.nvi.rj
From: dazza@dazza.com.jew

RE: Rejistania team nickname

Hi, this is Dazza Dallas! The official ambassador to Ariddia for Jeruselem and also the current World Cup 36 coach for Jeruselem as well as many other things (like being football's biggest bike).

Anyway, my team are Crusaders (St Samuel are also the Crusaders too) and a nickname is real important for a team identity even if it contains spelling errors like the Pheonix.

My submission is the Nomads. Since the team has no homeland, I think it's an appropriate name.

I was going put the "The Bikes" but that's just being stupid because I'm the only real bike around here.

Love
Dazza Dallas

Article taken from the Port Imbris Post
Cookesland Defeats Collonie

Cookesland had it's first win of this unpredictable World Cup. The Owls faced Collonie at home the other day and started quick the owls had the ball, Colin Short was trying to get around the defense...and...and...Goal!

It was a very short time before Cookesland got the ball for a second time, the Collonie defense had a look of shock on their faces, "Again?" the must have been thinking.

To the shock of the Cookesland fans it was not one of the strikers they normaly expceted to see, but Barry Maxwell. Maxwell has been a good player since he's been on the team but has never had as much of the energy as say Patrick Andolor or Colin Short. Nevertheless he scored which was followed by a roar from the crowd.

The rest of the first half really just was the two sides battling back and for for control of the ball. The second half started out like the previous half only this time Collonie got the ball. They like the Owls in the first haf managed to get around the defenses and score against goalie, Daniel Campo.

At this point Collonie was trying to even out the score without any luck, the game ended with a 2-1 Cookesland win. Next game we play away against the Az-cz Gnomes. What will this game hold for us in our quest to qualify? We'll soon find out.



Opponents/ Home or Away/ Result

Cookesland vs. Zwangzug - Home - 3-1 loss
Kedalfax vs. Cookesland - Away - 1-1 tie
Cookesland vs. Colonie - Home - 2-1 win
Az-cz vs. Cookesland - Away -
Cookesland vs. Sorthern Northland - Home -
Cookesland vs. C&M - Home -
Qazox vs. Cookesland
Zwanzug vs. Cookesland - Away -
Cookesland vs. Kedalfax - Home -
Colonie vs. Cookesland - Away -
Cookesland vs. Az-cz - Home -
Sorthern Northland - Away -
C&M vs. Cookesland - Away -
Cookesland vs. Qazox - Home -

Meanwhile in Bonang (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Bonang).

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BCG DEMOLITIONISTS IDENTIFIED

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Further information has come to light about the people responsible for the dynamiting of our beloved BCG last week. In a move that was widely anticipated, the famous Goolengook protest organisation, The Goolengook Action Group, claimed responsibility for the organisation and financing of the daring act. Another Group, the equally famous Bataille Deddiquois, confirmed that they had provided logistical assistance along with personnel.

At a packed news conference in Deddick, GAG member, chompskin, declared that sport, and football in particular, was a way of brainwashing people into submissive modes of thought.

“Sport is a crucial example of the indoctrination system, in our view. It offers people something to pay attention to that's of no importance. That keeps them from worrying about things that matter to their lives that they might have some idea of doing something about. It is a tragedy to see the intelligence that's used by ordinary people in discussions of sports as opposed to political and social issues.

“Why should people care who wins football games? The overwhelming likelihood is that they won't be acquainted with anybody on the team. They have nothing to do with them. It doesn’t mean anything. It doesn't seem to make sense. But the point is, it does make sense: it's a way of building up irrational attitudes of submission to authority, and group cohesion behind leadership elements -- in fact, it's training in irrational jingoism. That's also a feature of competitive sports. I think if you look closely at these things, I think, typically, they do have functions, and that's why energy is devoted to supporting them and creating a basis for them and advertisers are willing to pay for them and so on.”

chompskin called for the end of football in Errinundera. “Since Errinundera re-entered the World Cup the standard of political discourse in this nation has declined to a deplorable level. But we must go further. Errinundrians should abolish all forms of competitive sport.”

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Bataille Deddiquois spokesperson, jeanpauljeanoo, did not go as far as chompskin but demanded the dismantling of the Stade de siaros. “This monstrosity encroaches on the hallowed ground of the Bataille du Col, the birthplace of our nation’s liberation.”

Meanwhile the rebuilding of the BCG gathers apace. It cannot be made available in time for the scheduled World Cup Match against The Lowland Clans, however ground staff member, soopasoka, is optimistic. “The Great Southern Stand is completely undamaged. The main problem is the rubble from the collapse of the Northern Stand. The ground should be safe for matches in about a month. Unfortunately it will take two years to rebuild the destroyed portion.”

Convenor of the EFA, imonedebouvoi, has confirmed that no-one was hurt in the blast. She also announced that the upcoming World Cup match against The Lowland Clans would be moved to an as yet unnamed location. “Utmost secrecy is required for the safety of players, fans and officials. It means that the match will be played in an empty stadium. Full refunds for purchased tickets will, of course, be provided."


TREMOR HITS POTOROOS

The extraordinary 7 game qualifying shut-out streak by Errinundera's captain, onito, came to an end today in a surprise away loss to Bushes Been Quaked in the third qualifying match of World Cup 36. Oddly, a defender - local star, froesu - kicked the only goal for the Potoroos in the 2-1 defeat. froesu was disappointed with the result but told the press afterwards that the dynamiting of the BCG was worse. “Playing a World Cup match in your home town is the most amazing experience a player could have. Well, winning the World Cup would be more amazing I suppose, but no matter. I may never again get the opportunity to play in Bonang.”

Yet another Bola Mine player ran afoul of the referees. ipieomenicu was given a red card when his left elbow connected with Johann Horabik’s nose. After regaining consciousness Horabik expressed his gratitude. “I never liked my nose. This remodelling has given me a far more manly look.”

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ipieomenicu

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Bushes_Been_Quaked.png
Bushes Been Quaked 2
(18, 48)

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Errinundera 1
(froesu 33)

Errinundera's WC36 scorers:
4 breretond
1 froesu
1 scerberu

The Albrecht Herald
Stuttering win helps C&M to dizzy heights
By Tracker Edwards

Candelaria And Marquez remain undefeated after a hard-fought win against Kedalfax. Though the 1-0 score line may not satisfy the over-enthusiastic aims of some commentators; such a test will surely benefit Baker’s men in the long-run – if only by dampening some of the over-high expectations of supporters and pundits alike. Scrappy win or not, it was never-the-less the Big Blues’ first victory in World Cup qualifying; lifting us to the frankly ridiculously dizzying heights of third in the group.

C&M had much of the early running against their opponents, Mamdooh Momtaz creating the first good chance, beating the Kedalfaxian left-back on the edge of his box before scooping his shot high over the bar. Momtaz and Speed Wang, though lively, seemed over-elaborate at times and selfish at others; failing twice to provide cut-backs to Steven Fritz that could well have resulted in easy finishes for the diminutive veteran striker.

C&M received their wake-up call in the 23rd minute, when an opposition forward was scythed down by Benji Fu in the box. Somehow the referee failed to see this, giving instead a free-kick which the Kedalfaxians wasted. O’Sullivan Caras took hold of the dead ball, and sent a superb diagonal cross to young Joey Pipes. The left-winger, a disappointment for much of the last few games, did his future the power of good by beating two men and knocking a comfortable side-footed shot past the on-rushing ‘keeper. The Big Blues could well have had a penalty themselves moments later, but the referee again waved away the vociferous appeals, this time from Fritz.

Baker’s men continued to dominate throughout the second-half, Momtaz orchestrating most of C&M’s best play. That was until the 64th minute, when the deep-lying forward received his second yellow card. The first, a challenge early in the second half against his opposite number, had seemed harsh. This appalling tackle was nothing of the sort, and Momtaz found his previously admirably copy-book well and truly blotted by becoming the first red-carded C&M player. Down to ten men, and with the effervescent Pipes making way for Adrian Mazzeo, C&M did well to hold on against several late Kedalfaxian barrages.

In all, not a half-bad work-out for what promises to be a rather tougher game at Collonie, who will be smarting from defeat to Cookesland, Short and Maxwell helping the Sunrise Islands outfit to their first qualifying victory. Elsewhere in the group, the increasingly terrifying Az-cz demolished Sorthern Northland 5-0, a result which can only help C&M’s unlikely World Cup bid. Qazox likewise did our lads a wee favour in beating faltering Zwangzug 2-1.

__________________________

Football News in Brief:

*A Kedalfax supporter was detained by police in Martin Square, an hour prior to kick-off, on suspicion of being drunk & disorderly, and possessing a quantity of a prohibited narcotic substance. He was kept in cells overnight before being released without charge.

*The Candelaria And Marquez Soccer Association has confirmed they will not be challenging Mamdooh Momtaz’ red card. Mark Baker is likely to revert to a 4-4-2 for the game away to Collonie, with Yasser Zaghloul partnering Steven Fritz up front.

*In a joint statement with the CMSA expected to be released later today; the Foreign Office will advise against Big Blues’ supporters travelling to Collonie. In an interview with TV1 [the state-owned television channel], junior Foreign minister Clare Hamilton said that since a recent conflict in the Milchaman colony had begun in the aftermath of a key football game, C&M authorities could not “100% vouchsafe for the safety of our country’s fans.” The CMSA confirmed shortly afterwards that they would not be taking up their ticket allocation. Some members of the Unofficial C&M Supporters’ Club claimed however they would be travelling to the country via Milchama.

Ms. Hamilton laughed off comments made by Az-cz football journalists, replayed considerably on several C&M broadcast networks, in which one commentator appeared to advocate armed conflict against the Republic. Hamilton claimed the comments had been “badly translated and blown out of all proportion,” and added that “One can’t expect a football programme not to represent the more reactionary arm of any give nation.” When pressed later, however, she declined to condemn quotes from the coach of the Archregimancy who described gnomes as ‘soulless’ beings. The minister claimed the row was a “foreign issue”.

An interview with Qak and Auq
Tizny
Grotewohl Sports Channel

http://www.stomptokyo.com/img-m6/barbarians-b.jpg
Left to right: Qak, Tizny, Auq

Tizny: I'm here today with Qak and Auq, fowards for FLoG. Qak is the leading scorer for FLoG, and Auq, his brother, leads in assists.

Qak: Hello hello world!!!

Tizny: So how does it feel to be the driving force of FLoG?

Qak: It feels really good. Theres nothing like driving it in fast and hard. Nothing is better than when we can do it over and over. A relentless assault on the keeper is the greatest feeling in the world.

Auq: Me like pounding it in hard.

Tizny: I have heard that the main reason you are so good at getting it in is because you work as a team.

Qak: That is very true, when Auq and I are working the defense together we overpower them and have our way with them. With Auq and I pushing the goalkeeper, we often pin him down and put it in where ever there is a hole. If it were not for Auq, I wouldn't be able to take advantage when ever he hits it in hard and the keeper can't handle it. With the ball dropped, I can knock it where ever I like.

Auq: Me want to score more. Me just not able to aim. Often me miss, and it not go in. When me do make shot, it get blocked by keeper. This not make me happy. Me want it to go in.

Qak: It matters not when you are not able to get it in, I'm there to clean up afterwards. No matter what sort of a mess you make, I'll be there. That is why we work together so well. We are ready for each other, even if its good or bad, we can always help each other out.

Tizny: After suffering a defeat against The Holy Empire, what is the plan going to be in the future.

Auq: Pound the defense even more.

Qak: Our defense is having troubles working against teams that work well together, so as strikers, we are trying extra hard to score more. We will push harder and more often so we can feel the great rush from the final victory. We hope our defensemen will be able to pull it out. But if not, we will do our best to pull it out by putting it in.

Tizny: Is there anything else you would like to add?

Qak: We will do our best to not let the next team beat us. I do not like defeat.

Auq: We will crush them!

Tizny: Thank you for joining us in an interview with Qak and Auq, hope you had as much fun watching as I had being with them.

Taken from a live broadcast of the #1 news program in Endmile, Een Lopende Zaak.

Alec: “…once again upholding the ban on torture. Now for a special sports feature, we have Klaas van den Bergh live at Kiryu-Shi, where the State team will be playing a match shortly. How is the weather there Klaas?”

Klaas: Absolutely spectacular, Alec. A perfect day for football here in Kiryu-Shi. I’m standing here with legendary Maarten Timmons, manager of the Endmile national team. Thank you for taking the time to speak with us, Maarten.”

Maarten: “It’s my pleasure, Klaas.”

Klaas: “How do you feel about the team’s performance thus far in the tournament?”

Maarten: “Well, we had a bit of a rough start with two away games in a row. I think the boys were still a little tired from the Baptism of Fire tournament. But, we started looking a little better in this last game. I think we still need some work, but things are starting to fall into place.”

Klaas: “The State announced today that you will be playing the Jeruselem B-squad in a friendly. How did that come about?”

Maarten: “We were looking to play a friendly, as we really need all the international experience we can get, and the Jeruselem management contacted us about it. Since they were here for another matc, we were able to get it all worked out.”

Klaas: “Do you think this will lead to any cooperation between the two countries?”

Maarten: “Well, we are always open to playing more matches, but I also think that some of the Endmile players could use some international club experience. We’re hoping that this may lead to some international trades, which would be beneficial to both our players and our national league.”

Klaas: “You’ve come out of retirement to manage this World Cup team. Are you going to stay on after this tournament is over?”

Maarten: “No, this is my last shot. I just wanted to take the State team to one World Cup tournament before I was done. My assistant coach, Hans Gimmel, will be taking over for me. He is quite capable, as you know from his management of Powerhouse over the last 5 years. He is going to leave Powerhouse and manage the national team full-time.”

Klaas: “Thank you speaking with us, Maarten.”

Maarten: “Thank you, Klaas.”

Klaas: “And now back to you, Alec.”

Alec: “Thanks, Klaas. Now back to national news. With gas prices on the rise, the government is considering whether to drill for more oil here to reduce our dependence on foreign oil, or to put more funding into alternative energy sources…”

After the game against The Non-RPing n00b, the doctors of the Landau Institute were excited with the real possibility of qualifying for the World Cup for the first time in history. In the dressing room, the players were commenting about the good games:

DR.MATOSO - "It's incredible! We won our first three games by the same result, and are in the second place in the group. We can finally qualify!"

PROF.RODRIGUES - "Yes, I'm surprised by our good performances too. We've never started so well the qualifiers, but there are still more than ten games to go, so we need to keep our form and keep our confidence."

PROF.BANGU MELO - "The defensive sector is working well, we still didn't suffer a single goal. If we improve our attack, we can be a very dangerous team."

DR.CABRINI - "I agree. The attack needs improvement, we need one more attacker. Maybe putting Professor Cadete..."

THE MACHINE - "No, we keep formation. Defensive sector working well is sufficient. Midfield helps attack."

PROF.BANGU MELO - "Don't you thing that if we put one more attacker, we can improve our team?"

THE MACHINE - "Midfield can't be weakened. Cadete too old. Can get injured. Formation mantained."

DR.PITANGUI - "But I can play, and I'm not old as Professor Cadete."

THE MACHINE - "You ridiculous. You worse than Cadete. Formation mantained. Next game away. Need defense. You know nothing about football. I know. I am the coach. You obey me."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

For The Archregimancy
Letter from João Zacarias

Dear brothers,

I am a patient from the Landau Institute, converted during the World Cup 35 qualifiers, when the football team of your country came to play here. I am very interested in football, and have a question for you. Here, there is a huge discussion if it is more important to have luck or skill in a penalty shootout. Some players call the penalty shootout a "lottery". So, brothers, which is more important in a penalty shootout. Luck, skill, or faith?

Elven Times
Taking What Is Yours

After eight long and frustrating years the Mythril Gauntlet has finnaly made its way back to the Hatire Memorial. Originally crafted by a group of elves in Mar Sara, the trophy represents the fierce rivalry between the Riskbreakers of Assegai and our own Marauders. With a brilliant display of team play, the Marauders have finally shaken off the "Assegai curse" and have toppled the Assegians for the first time in eight years. Where the striker partners of Night and Rikard looked out of sync in the first two matches, all that seemed to be long gone as they combined for two beautiful goals early that would be enough , though Hawk would ice it in the seventy-ninth minute with a converted penalty. Both players had the primary assist on the others goals, and whatever problems they had in the first few weeks is clearly over. Constant will be getting props for bringing his two star strikers back on page, but to be honest, I doubt he had to do to much to get these two amazing talents to work back into cohesion.

As predicted in last weeks coverage, the Marauders came out with all guns blazing, trying to take the Assegai squad by storm. With the roar of the 60,000 fans behind them, the squad pressed the backline of Assegai, Barnard Mallowburne in particular, hard in those early minutes, and got the breakthrough just eighteen minutes in. Once again it was the marvelous winger of Jannian that would start the play that would end in the Marauders finding the back of the net. As he sent in a low cross that Night settled easily, he played it square to Rikard, and the striker lofted it above the diving Save and it curled right into the back of the net, leading to several minutes of "Strength, Honor, and Glory" from the exuberant crowd. The crowd was really a driving factor behind the win, as not only were they out in full force for the home opener, but add in the massive history with Assegai and the fact that many of their players play here in the ESF, the fans were ready and willing to lead on their home side at any occasion. This type of loyaly and support is what makes the squad a real unique squad and could see them through to their first title, perhaps breaking through the Bettia-Ariddia dominance of late.

It would take another twenty minute before either side would find the net, though Assegai came close in the twenty-seventh when Ashley Riot broke through the middle, only to have his chip shot go off the crossbar and safely into the stands. This time, Cuellar freed Rikard on the break and as he entered the area, he gave a nice little heel pass to Night and Kiso was happy to oblige his partner by casually rolling it into the far open corner, as Save had came out to reduce the angle for Rikard. A group of women in the front row in the right corner nearly fainted when he came up them and bowed to the crowd before Cuellar and Hawk came over and celebrated with their mate.

Assegai would try to fight back after the break, afterall, they had been in this position before, the second Losstarrot championship. Down two nil at the half, they came back to draw level in that game, but eventually lost to the Elves. Their starlet of Samantha Neesa, which rumors have been going about for years that the lass is romantically involved with Kiso, would find the back of the net in the fifty-eighth minute off a set piece where Riot sent the ball to the far post and she performed what has to be the shot of the tournament so far using a bycicle kick to send the shot hard and high, under the crossbar, and with Jacob nothing to do with it. That ended the lads clean sheet soo far into the tourney, but he would not concede another goal in match. The game was really touch and go their for a little while, as Rikard had pushed around Neesa at the restart and things got chippy. This lead to Barnard Mallowburne taking down Kiso inside the area and recieving a yellow card while conceding the penalty. Having been forced to the sidelines for treatment, Hawk took the spot kick for the Marauders, and calmly slotted it top the right as Save had guessed left.

When you add the surprise draw for Tynelia, this win leaves the Maruaders in the drivers seat for the group. However, their schedule is in the difficult part as they will be traveling to Tynelia after this weeks home fixture against newcomers Ad'ihan. The newcomers have some grit about them, but if the Marauders keep on form, it should be another three points for the fourth ranked squad in the world. With all things said and done now between the Marauders and Riskbreakers, one will have to hope that an emotional letdown is not in store, however we will all have to wait and see.

Scorers
Laborious Hawk 3
Kiso Night 2
Nikali Rikard 2

Schedule
MD1: ESF v Kampfers 2-0
MD2: Tylero v ESF 0-2
MD3: ESF v Assegai Developments 3-1
MD4: ESF v Ad'ihan
MD5: Tynelia v ESF
MD6: ESF v Aurendia
MD7: The Sons of a Monkey v ESF
mid-qualifying friendlies
MD8: Kampfers v ESF
MD9: ESF v Tylero
MD10: Assegai Developments v ESF
MD11: Ad'ihan v ESF
MD12: ESF v Tynelia
MD13: Aurendia v ESF


Elves Security Forces 3
Nikali Rikard (17)
Kiso Night (39)
Laborious Hawk (78) Pen

Assegai Developments 1
Samantha Neesa (58)
Barnard Mallowburne (77)

Article by Luna Santapa

Graham City Sun: Sports Section

Tomislav Double Brace Blows Out Thelema Abbey After Riot Delay
Davies hits out at Kelly for Comments
Iain Macintosh

THELEMA ABBEY - The name of Thelema Abbey is somewhat misleading. As most of you don't know, Thelema Abbey is not some quaint little nation on some inlet on some godforsaken continent. Crime there is a huge problem, and the team needed extra security from the Army before they could be escorted to their game. I was nearly mugged twice on the same block away from the stadium! Thankfully, the team staff were kind enough to let me stay on the bench for the game and leaving early from Thelema Abbey. But this gave me some opportunity to talk and mingle with the team, who up until recently have been an unknown quantity.

I was impressed by the maturity of the team, and the way they comported themselves in the rather dangerous atmosphere of Thelema Abbey. Keeper Ben Perry talked about his experience with the new found spot light. "I mean, I guess it's alright, the spotlight and everything, but there are days where I wish I was just some bloke playing football on his local pitch with his crew. The pressure really makes me feel like I'm missing out some days. But you know what? I'm representing my country, and for me that's enough, thank yee very much."

In the match, there was not really any contest. The Thelema Abbey squad was horrendously amateurish, and there performance in the Baptism of Fire showed that. The Galaxy, seemingly ignorant of the criminal surroundings, the corrupt policemen trying to bribe the team with protection money, and the managerial tempest that Neil Kelly stormed up last week, played with grace and strength, dominating the Abbey through and through. Tomislav once again made his case to wear the captains armband, which today was worn by Kevin Kilgallow.

Tomislav opened the scoring with a quick brace, making striking runs through the confused, miscommunicating and slow defence, putting the Galaxy up 2 - 0 fifteen minutes in. Julio de Mata showed his set piece expertise again, putting the Galaxy up 3 - 0 just before the half with a beautiful curling shot that breezed just past the post. Theleman supporters through projectiles at the bench as the Allied States Army escorts cleared the stadium, and even beat up a cop who tried to prevent them from removing a fallen supporter from the tunnel. The riot that broke out took nearly twenty minutes to quell, as the Army flew in another platoon who had been put on high alert and even a squad of Elite Advance Squad Orbital Paratroopers.

The game then continued in an empty stadium, and didn't go well for anyone involved for Thelema Abbey. Tomislav destroyed their defence again, putting them to the sword and finishing off the squad with another quick brace. The squad was quickly extracted via a TH-13 helicopter to the airport, where the plane took off as soon as the team was in it.

In other, slightly less chaotic footballing news, Preisdent of the FFLC Daniel Davies hit out at former striker Neil Kelly, declaring him 'unfit to manage a squad' and 'a classless player who couldn't hit the broadside of a barn.'

Davies harsh reaction has surprised many, though quietly many pundits are wondering whether the reaction means Kelly was on to something. His suggestion that Silas McGinney could replace Andrew Creek before the halfway point turned a lot of heads, and it was the first time a significant figure had weighed in publicly on the managing conflagration, for the lack of a better word, that has gripped the squad since the beginning of the World Cup qualifying. So what will be the result? We'll just have to wait and see, with the squad travel to Errinundera for the next match against the group favorites.

Thelema Abbey 0 - 5 The Lowland Clans
Tomislav (4', 15', 55', 61')
de Mata (43')
MATCH STATS TLC Thelema Abbey

SHOTS (ON GOAL) 25 (19) 0 (0)
POSSESSION 72% 28%
CORNERS 31 0
FREE KICKS 16 4
FOULS 4 13
PASSES COMPLETE 86% 43%
CROSS COMPLETE 31% 0%
TACKLES WON 81% 51%
HEADERS WON 66% 34%
YELLOW CARDS 0 4
RED CARDS 0 0


Galaxy Lineup (4-4-2):
GK: Black 7
DR: Stjepan 8
DL: Xavier 8
DC: Westley 8, Kilgallow 8
MR: de Mata 9 (G: 2)
ML: Palaiopolous 7
MC: McGilarny 8, Clive 8
ST: Tomislav* 10 (4 G: 5 Total), Alameida 7

Galaxy Lineup for @ ERRINUDERA (4-3-3)
GK: Mannic
DR: Heath
DL: Hock
DC: Xavier, Kilgallow
DM: Westley
AMR: de Mata
AML: Palaiopolous
MC: McGilarny, Clive
ST: Tomislav

Demot Daily ~ Destiny

In the ongoing saga of the Dynamo and embattled striker Gregory Corin, their was a twist when he entered the courtroom and entered his plea. As expected, he pleaded not guilty, but as the judge was about to declare when the next court date would be, the Oliverrian whom Gregory was accused of attempted murdering blast into the courthouse and declared that the police officers had arrested the wrong man. He explained that in his statement that Corin was with him during the attack and that the authorities had misunderstood what he was explaining, and in their rush to judgement, had arrested the wrong man. However this exoneration might have came too light for the lad as his replacement in the linuep, Darcello Ben netted a hattrick in the match against Shmibabway as well as assisting of May Maryweathers goal. When asked about who would be starting in their next day, Masteron gave this brief statement.

"With everything that Corin has had to go through in the last three weeks, and the extraordinary performance that Mario gave for us today, I'm inclinde to give Ben the start and likely bring Corin in as substitute later on in the match. As you can tell, Gregory has had alot on his plate in the last few weeks and it will likely be a game time decision and how I see how he performs this week in training. But if I had to make the call at this moment, it would be Mario starting and Corin on the bench."

Whether Masteron keeps to this plan we will have to wait for, however as the squad prepares for next weeks away fixture in Novapsolu, they might benifit from the youth that Corin brings opposed to Ben. Yet with all that has happened, he might not be in the right mindset. With all this drama, you can be sure that it will be a house of suspence until the opening kickoff. Let the squads expierence keep them going, and show them back into the form they started with and keep on moving towards that automatic qualification spot.

Article by Trevor Winston

RP cutoff for Matchday 4

Matchday 04 Scores (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12907892&postcount=6)

Kura-Pelland came back from behind to defeat The Comrade Emirates 2-1 and maintain their fine international debut, this being their third consecutive win and the first that was really expected of them.

Perhaps that pressure got to them, as a fine passing move ended with Josef Marx - with his left foot, of course - tucking the ball into the corner. The 62,000 in Trilan's White Hope Stadium were silenced.

For about two minutes.

Then Alan Grahams beat two defenders before delivering a deep cross, Jamie Kirklees connected with a header, it looped onto the post, and Brian Hugill picked up the pieces. Instant justification for Kura-Pelland's switch to a 4-4-2. Hugill picked up a knock in the 20th minute, however, but while some expected this to be the cue for an attacking midfielder to come on and a reversion to 4-2-3-1, Andy Woolworth instead sent for Jose Cazarez, the teenage striker from the Oxen Cup side who is now on his way to Cafundeu.

The move paid dividends as Cazarez played superbly, full of running and unlucky not to score on several occasions. Eventually he got his reward - and one the team deserved too, despite the tireless efforts of a Comrade Emirates side who played very well together but lacked individual talent - when he latched on to a Matthias Gellen through pass and instantly shot low from 20 yards, the ball bobbling over goalkeeper.Mikhael Guevara. The second half was a complete non-event, with Kura-Pelland looking ragged but never really in trouble.

'That was a good time to produce a bad performance,' Woolworth told an interviewer for Super6. 'We'll need to play better to continue this run of momentum, but the important thing is that we have indeed continued it this far.'

New Qazian Press

Pheonix in a Walk

Qazox' first ever trip to Kedalfax, and the Pheonix win 2-0, despite having 3 starters sit out with flu-like symptoms. Henri Torabla, Ty Revee, and Zane West all were late scratches as they complained of stomach problems. It was later determined that they had eaten some bad sushi at the pre-game meal, but the 3 are expected to fully recover. With 3/4 of the starting midfield sick, the Pheonix shifted from the usual 3-4-3 to a 4-2-4, with the Hacker brothers and John Griffey placed into the line-up.

The newish formation proved to be a good one as they held the hosts to only 2 shots on net the entire match, none after the 29th minute of play. The goals were scored by Yancy Fry in the 52nd and by Tomas Richter in the 80th.

Up next for Qazox is Collonie @ Champions Field in Qazox City. A sell-out crowd of 84,420 is expected.


Match Summary:
52': Goal (QZX) Yancy Fry
80': Goal (QZX) Tomas Richter



Shots:
Kedalfax: 2
Qazox: 13

Corners:
Kedalfax: 1
Qazox: 6

FOULS:
Kedalfax: 8
Qazox: 3

"James Connolly stadium...James Con-I can't have been here before, they're new."

"You okay?"

"No," Andrew replied honestly. "This is giving me a headache."

"You want to sit out?"

"No, I'm fine...Well...James...how could I have heard of him? They'd name it after someone from their country, and I've never..." He quieted his muttering.

"Coach," Jacob called, "I think Andrew needs to sit out the second half."

Five minutes after play restarted, Neuville Senna scored the home team's only goal of the game.

"Hard to defend against a "sriker"," Mal smiled.

"Yeah, he's a great athlete-didn't see him pass the midfield," Jacob shook his head admiringly. "We'll have to call a Search for Senna."

There was no need, as it turned out: goals from each of the Zwangzug forwards made the game secure.

As they made their way out, Andrew turned for one last glimpse at the enigmatic sign outside the stadium.

Mal beckoned him to catch up with the rest of the group. "Are you sure-"

"Just come on," Jacob waved them forward angrily. To Mal, he whispered, "If you haven't figured out what the norm is around here, I'd suggest you do so quickly. And don't look to the coach to help you."

"Connol..." The afterimage shone in front of Andrew as he squeezed his eyes shut. "Must have been something I read, somewhere..."

The current team of Estresse Intenso, composed by doctors of the Landau Institute, started well the World Cup qualifiers. But the president of the Institute, Doctor Rogério Landau, knew that some players must be changed for the next World Cup. One of his assistants, who is also a player, Professor Jesus Bangu Melo, seemed surprised when his boss told him that changes would be made in the team for the next cup.

PROF.BANGU MELO - "Next Cup? Don't you think that it's too early to start thinking about it?"

DR.LANDAU - "No, my friend. If we want a good team in the next cups, we need to start building it now. I don't want to see bad campaigns as the ones that we had when we prepared a team of patients. This time, we'll start the preparation now."

PROF.BANGU MELO - "But aren't we playing well?"

DR.LANDAU - "Yes, I'm satisfied with the performance of the current team."

PROF.BANGU MELO - "So why the changes?"

DR.LANDAU - "There is space for improvement. Our attack isn't playing so good, we scored three goals in four games, I think that we have one of the worst attacks of the qualifiers. The main players will continue in the team, but I'll search for new stars."

PROF.BANGU MELO - "Okay then. So, what are you going to do?"

DR.LANDAU - "Well, I'll send some experienced doctors to watch the games of our local league to find good players. I have heard about a young doctor of the team of the Surgeons, a good attacker. There is also a good goalkeeper who started playing this year in the team of the Pulmonologists."

PROF.BANGU MELO - "There is an excellent winger playing in the team of the Neurologists, you should go see him too."

DR.LANDAU - "The scouts will be doctors and professors with big knowledge in football. This year, the players won't play only to try to win the title. They'll play to try to go to the National Team in the future. This way we can finally build a strong team."

[Reanfeld] Two goals from Stuart Flambriff today put Bostopia two-nil ahead against Abu Omar at half time. Aleksander Cripps made the score three-nil in the 67th minute, with a long range effort from 30 yards out.

However, Abu Omar battled back, scoring in the 86th and 89th minute, giving their supporters hope of a score-draw. Possession play from the Bostopian side stopped that from happening, winding down the clock by passing the ball around the pitch until the referee caused a halt to the proceedings.

Reporting from Heartwick House, Fort Boston, this is Hayley Reanfeld for Channel 9 Griffwitness News.

The cameras switched off Hayley, and she headed home.

Arriving back at her house in the suburbs of Ranton, she was greeted by her dog, Foffy, a large Alsatian (German Shepherd for those not familiar with Alsatian), and then her partner of two years, Damon Keeler.

“Heya gorgeous. Saw you on tv earlier” he said, wrapping his arms around her.

“Mmm, I’m sure you did.” She whispered into his ear “what’re we doing tonight honey?”

“Well the Rugball season’s coming to a close, so that’s on…but I booked us a dinner for two at the Fanfleet.” He replied, turning his head to kiss her cheek.

“Really?” The Fanfleet was one of the poshest – and priciest – restaurants in Fort Boston State.

“Yep. Tables booked for eight-thirty, so you’ve got plenty of time to get ready.”

“Great!” Hayley released Damon from her grip and ran off to the bedroom to get changed. “No peeking…at least not until you’ve ate your veggies anyway!” she called back playfully.

Additional Reading
http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Rugball

Jeruselem Government News

World Cup 36 YAP UP by Kate Dallas aka Dazzi

Hello, it's Kate Dallas again. I sure got a response with "Dazzi" the anime character on THE FOOTBALL LIFE. The female bounty hunter who gets sexually assaulted by monsters to close enough to kill them seems to quite popular in Jeruselem it seems. Well, Dazzi is just Dazza really but Mum says I can take over as Dazzi because I look more like her as I'm younger. Mum doesn't look old to me though.

Today - we had a real test! Quakmybush took us on at home, and with both teams undefeated too. Yes, the battle of the titans of Group 9! Jeruselem, the Crusaders vs Quakmybush, the ... I forgot, eh I'm 14. Anyway, Mum calls them Quaks and so will I. I like Quaks - sounds cool to me. WE WON. It was one tough game with the best in Group 9 fighting it out, and poor Kate didn't even get to play because Mum didn't let me. Well, the game was a little rough as both sides played hard but fair so she didn't want her little Dazzi getting injured.

Now, scorers for Jeruselem were our local Qazian Fix Foster who pops up with a goal or two once in a while and Paris Hilton! Err, yes - PARIS HILTON. Well, she didn't score properly - a Tunky super shot deflected off her and into the opponents goal. She was flat on her back not realising she had scored a goal but then she's always flat on her back like me and Mum. The Quaks defended well but Dazzi and company march into th Holy err Land. TWO ONE - close game but we are Jeruselem not Jeru FC.

The other Crusaders had an easier time with Trumanistan, beating them THREE NIL in a canter as the Knights of St Samuel slew the opponents on the field trampling on their hopes. Sorry, getting carried away.

Northern Bettia DESTROYED Noirthemme, SIX NIL. Yes, what a bashing! Noirthemme are looking at really bad time and the Gogs made sure they knew who was boss. The usual reds and yellows but we are talking about the Gogs here. Our game on Match day 7 will be very interesting for various reasons. The Gogs like err loose women like Mum.

Planting got uprooted again. Them people-eaters from Patusan beat them TWO ONE. Planting and Noirthemme are fighting hard to be worst teams in Group 9.

Jeru FC - they lost again! OK they were playing Fmjphoenix who are a good team and scoreline was respectable at TWO NIL. Kate Bush is having bad run of losses but then it's Jeru FC who play crap 99% of the time unless a bimbo called Dazza Dallas coached them. On record, this cup is their best cup with one win.

GO ARORAS! Bettia won SEVEN TWO against an unsuspecting Kansiov. What a hammering, and old Bettia of WC35 is back. It's raining goals after that defeat and they are looking hot for another cup. In fact, both Bettian teams scored 13 goals between them this match day. 13 is my shirt number ... which was Mum's.

Ariddia are back on track again, beating Acapais TWO ONE. TWO WINS AND TWO DRAWS - not the best of starts but they should get into the top 2 if they don't lose games. We should call Ariddia the Tortoises at the moment, not going fast but they will make the finish line.

Right, people ask where you can buy Dazzi anime comics! It's on the www.dazza.com.jew web site only as it's a pain to get the import licenses to get them into this country. Dazzi is not owned by any Dallas, we only get a few royalties from the publisher but we don't own the Dazzi comic or name. Anyway, Mum says were expecting a big shipment of these comics soon.

The new series of Dazzi is coming too but we get these things late for some reason. Mum is going around to the pubishers office to see if we can import the new series soon.

Group 9
Jeruselem 2–1 Quakmybush
St Samuel 3–0 Trumanistan
Noirthemme 0–6 Northern Bettia
Planting 1–2 Patusan

Group 3
Kedalfax 0–2 Qazox

Group 4
Fmjphoenix 2–0 Jeru FC

Group 5
Bettia 7–2 Kansiov

Group 7
Ariddia 2–1 Acapais

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/juvanya/schmeck.png

Sel Appa Edition


Culture
Sel Appan culture is very complex and diverse due to its large size and large population. It generally conforms to a typical Western style that is largely liberal in thought. There are many things that distinguish Sel Appan culture from other Western cultures and this gives the country a unique identity, even with its mixed heritage. This unique blend has shaped Sel Appa for centuries and continues to do so, allowing the country to stay relevant and current.

Language
Sel Appa has two official languages: English and French. All languages are protected, and all students are required to learn English and French fluently, as well as a third--and sometimes fourth--language. The constitution prohibits any attempt to favor either English or French over the other, however, English is used in national government. Other significant languages include Esperanto, Hebrew, Mandarin, Russian, and Ukrainian. Students are also able to learn Arabic, Greek, Latin, Portuguese, Spanish, and other languages.

Sel Appan English is slightly modified from general English. The letters "c" and "x" represent the sounds /tʃ/ (lunch) and /ʃ/ (fish) respectively. Where "c" is used in normal English, it now is represented as "k" or "s" as needed. The letters "g" and "j" always represent /ɡ/ (goat) and /ʒ/ (measure)" respectively. (Also, the digraph "ph" is replaced with "f". In addition, many silent letters are removed, such as "ugh" in "through" and "though", which are now spelled "thru" and "tho" respectively. Spellings and words follow a mix of British and American styles (metre, licence, realise vs. color, maneuver, harbor). Attempts to reform spelling further have been tried, but no method has been found acceptable. (Example: "Tho I went thru the whole market, I did not even find any fiq for lunc. There was a goat with ruf wool that the vendor meajured on his scale.")

Sports
Sporting in Sel Appa is very widespread and virtually everyoe takes part in one sport or another. The most popular professional sport is football (soccer), with 30 teams in the Domestic League and an accomplished national team. Most children are introduced to football at a young age and many play in local "kiddie leagues". Those with talent are then likely to play for school and university teams. From there, professional teams may draft players they see that have promise. The national team is ranked in the top 25 and has entered the World Cup six times, qualifying thrice (not including WC36).

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/juvanya/ffsa_logo4.png
Logo for the Football Federation of Sel Appa

Ice hockey is the other main popular professional sport. It runs back-to-back with football and has its own, albeit smaller, Domestic League. Sel Appans do not follow the national hockey team well. Regardless, it has only seen one international tournament: World Cup of Hockey 3. Street hockey is quite popular in middle schools and amongst early teens who play it themselves in self-organized leagues.

Other popular sports include archery, athletics (track), boating, (mountain/tree/wall)climbing, cross-country equestrian, tetherball, wrestling (Mongolian-style), as well as cricket and basketball to some degree. It is culturally expected of children in Sel Appa to be able to take part in most of these sports to make them as fit and able as possible.

Religion
Religion is not a major issue in Sel Appa. Publicly, everyone is atheist and religion is generally kept to oneself. Religion rarely influences thought and morals, unlike in many other countries. It does, however, exist. There is a sizable Jewish population, as well as, Muslims, Buddhists, Taoists, and others. Christianity is virtually nonexistent and is not thought of highly by most Sel Appans.

Cuisine
The typical Sel Appan diet is high in complex carbohydrates, fruits, and vegetables. The government subsidises production of grain, fruit, and vegetables. Examples are barley, maize, rice, apples, oranges, tomatoes, onions, potatoes, and carrots. Meat and fish is frowned upon in massive quantities, however beef, chicken, and turkey are widely available and eaten. Fish is rarely eaten despite its potentially wide availability.

The most popular foods are pancakes and soup, which come in dozens of varieties. Often, they are combined in a meal. Pancakes are made from virtually every grain available, including acorn which is popular amongst wildernessmen and campers. The national soup is called Supen (soo-pen). It is made up of barley, rice, maize, onions, potatoes, carrots, and many spices. Besides the main national cuisine, that originated in the area around Nemnenait, Oriental and Jewish cuisines are quite popular. This is due to the close proximity of MassPwnage and De Jewish Mafia.

Holidays
Sel Appa celebrates several days of the year nationally as holidays. Generally, nonessential labor is not at work and the government closes. The first holiday of the year is the vernal equinox and is equivalent to New Year's in other countries. It is considered the beginning of the year by most because it originally was in ancient Sel Appa. A few days later is Sel Appa Day on 1 April. It is similar to independence days in other countries and celebrates Sel Appa. Fireworks, bonfires, parades, music and public gatherings are organized. It is the anniversary of the formation of the current Republic. Next is Socialist Day on 1 May, which celebrates the workers of Sel Appa and their vital contributions. A more minor, but important holiday is the summer solstice. It is celebrated with picnics, barbecues, and "get-togethers". French Day on 14 July celebrates the French culture that makes up a large part of Sel Appa society. Instead of Christmas, Hanuka, or similar holidays, Sel Appans celebrate the winter solstice. Families get together and gifts are exchanged in thanksgiving. Bonfires are also a major part celebrating the warmth created despite the cold temperatures. Finally, Civil Rights Day, on 15 January, celebrates the civil freedoms and rights enjoyed by all in Sel Appa.




(Part 3 of an ongoing series for those planning to visit Sel Appa...)

Today, on the fourth matchday of the tournament, Billopesha's game against WC31 Champions, Squornshelous ended with a draw despite strong attack from Squornshelous. It is a disappointment considering the need to make up for the two losses at the beginning.

The game began with Squornshelous having clear superiority over Billopesha that was proved when Emil Jalmari nearly slipped the ball past Derek Loose within the first ten minutes of the game. It got worse when an own goal was nearly scored in the 22nd minute by a deflection off Frank Erwin, luckily saved by the goalkeeper. More trouble occurred when, in the 39th minute, Squarnshelos’ Tauno Reimanen smashed into the side of Billopesha’s Jeremy Strife causing Reimanen to be sent off with a red card and Strife to be replaced due to injury by Dorian Charles. Not only that but Oliver Hewitt was given a yellow card for being offensive to the dismissed Reimanen.

Play continued and the Squornshelous team played an assertive game, battering at the Billopeshian defence, until eventually they scored when Roman Svoboda heading the ball in from a long shot by Sten Mortenson in the 41st minute. The half time score was 1-0 to Squornshelous and Billopesha had yet to perform well. They had to play differently to make a comeback.

As the second half began, play resumed averagely but the attacking strategies by Squornshelous kept the Billopeshian team from advancing towards their goal. But Billopesha managed to use the lack of strong Squornshelous defence to their advantage and after a high-quality unsuccessful attempt at goal by Emil Jalmari of Squarnshelos, took their chance. Titus Thane took the ball skilfully into his opponents half in an all too familiar move by the Billopeshian player and hit a cross over to Justin Clinton. Clinton sent the ball further, ending with a shot that fooled the goalkeeper and sent the ball in. The equaliser in the 67th minute came as a welcome relieve to Billopesha who feared another loss in the tournament. But it was not over as the Squornshelous side fought hard to try and regain the lead. And this was nearly so when bad Billopeshian defending caused a shot by Dmitri Polokov to hit the net, but the shot was deemed offside so the goal was disallowed. The game ended uneventfully and both teams won a point for the 1-1 draw.

As for the Coach’s comments, well…

REPORTER: So how to feel after the game your team played today?

COACH: I feel fine now, thank you. Since the operation, I have regained my sense of belonging in this world and I…

REPORTER: Sorry Mr. Pickard, I was referring to what you thought about today’s game.

COACH: Oh well that’s just ****ing typical! You don’t care that I had a ****ing heart by-pass operation recently do you! All you care about is the ****ing game! I bet that none of you ****ing people even knew about my ****ing operation, did you?! ****ing NO I bet! Anyway, we ****ing drew! How s*** is that! So **** off!

REPORTER: Yes. Understandable behaviour there from Coach Anthony Pickard after a disappointing match.

COACH: ****ing Hell!

REPORTER: And his recent traumatic heart by-pass…

COACH: Thank ****ing lord! At last! Now where’s the ****ing door in this place?”

REPORTER: Anyway, let’s hope Billopesha can do better in the next number of matches.

Report by:
http://www.freewebs.com/billopesha/msoD6A9B.jpg

New Qazian Press

40 YEARS OF QAZOXIAN FOOTBALL...WHERE ARE THEY NOW?

(Please note WC 29 Qualifers took place in 1899, Qazox time, WC 29 was in 1901)

After the 3rd place finish in the qualifers for World Cup 28, Qazox came in with high hopes of qualifing for World Cup 29. As an added bonus of sorts Green wombat, Qazox' main rival, was placed in the group as well. Qazox swept the wombats as Qazox won it's first 3 matches easily, but lost the next 3 to the top seeds. But a 4 game winning streak propelled the team into 2nd place with 4 matches to play. But after a loss to Liverpool England and a Draw against Cataduanes, Qazox was 4 points clear for the final qualifing berth with 2 matches to play. Then came a loss at Bazalonia, which narrowed the lead down to 2 points with one match left. All Qazox needed to do was draw lightly regarded Bostopia at home. In the 1st match at Bostopia, Qazox dominated 5-0, and after an early goal looked to celebrate the qualifing for the Cup. But 3 Bostopian goals, all of which came via penalty kick in the final 10 minutes squashed the dreams for 4 more years. Later it was found out that the referee of the match was paid off to throw the game in favor of Bostopia, but by then referee had died. The Bostopian loss is considered the lowest point ofthe national team's existance. Most of the same team that had participated in WC 28 qualifers stayed around for these qualifers, So for simplicity's sake we'll just post the Newer players here (in Blue)

ROSTER:
POSTION
NAME (age)
Reggie Hassok (21)--San Guano
John Frorr (27)—New Recife

DEFENDERS
Kiel Venice (24)—16 Graffix
Harden Homer (30)—Vogg United
Jarod Megia (22)--Kibbutz
Helena Sexton (28)--SaxerVilla
Joanne ‘Square’ Root (23)—Real Qazox
Loki (21)--Rockport AC

MIDFIELDERS
Andrew Mason (24)—New Recife
Anthony Mason (24)--Qazox City
Kelly Kinkade (20)-- Qazox Naval Academy
Hugh Dansie (21)--Gothika State University
Christian Likens (19)--Joehio State University

WINGERS
Jamie Bookman (23)--Joehio Ajax
Alicia “Speedy” Gonzalez (23)—San Guano
Marie Goya (21)—Fromburg Aston
Maria Gretzky (25)—New Bruxen
Nelson Macgillivray (21)--University of Fromburg
Fernando Turek (18)--North Qazox City High School




So where are they now?
Reggie Hassok: Former Head Coach of National team, Qazox' 1st World Cup Hall of Famer, Died at age 42 in 1914 during Cup of Harmony 24.
John Frorr: Onwer of Frorr's Tacos in Las Vitas, Age 62

DEFENDERS
Kiel Venice: Co-owner of FC Fromburg, Age 59
Hadeen Homer: Deceased, died in 1915 during 2nd Qazoxian Civil War at age 43.
Jarod Megia: In Prison for the murder of his wife, a 35-year sentence that started in 1920; Age: 56
Helena Sexton: Married Jamie Bookman in 1904, lives in New Recife; Age: 62
Joanne ‘Square’ Root: Living on streets of Pika City; Age:57
Loki: Wandering around Vallhalla with the other Norse Gods; Human Age:55

MIDFIELDERS
Andrew Mason: Co-Owner of Mason's Exporting, Age 62
Anthony Mason: Co-Owner of Mason's Exporting, Age 62
Kelly Kinkade: Rear Admiral Qazox Navy, Age 48
Hugh Dansie: Lives in Fromburg w/ wife and 5 Children, Age: 49
Christian Likens: Business Analyst, Channel 9 News, Joehio; Age: 47

WINGERS
Jamie Bookman: Married Helena Sexton in 1904, living in New Recife; Age: 57
Alicia “Speedy” Gonzalez: Owner of Gonzalez Sports Apparel, lives in MArleyville, Sativaville Age: 57
Marie Goya: Moved to Tynelia with Husband and owns a Pharmacy, Age: 57
Maria Gretzky: Lives with husband, Dylan Greene, in Sativaville, Age: 61.
Nelson Macgillivray: Professor of Natural History, Gothika State University; Age: 49
Fernando Turek: HEAD COACH of National team (World Cups 33-present), Age: 46

Next Issue: World Cup xXx squad

FLoG Draw against British Londinium
By Diawsam
Grotewohl Associated Press

In the first draw of the career of FLoG, it was a hard fought match in which FLoG took a lead, but was unable to keep it. It was a different strategy used by Wen than I had seen before, and I don't think the results were very good.

This first goal was scored 20 minutes into the first half by Sun. A pass from Dizzy found the ball in Sun's possession. To get past the first defender he passed the ball to Wen, who promptly returned it to Sun. Sun passed the next defender and was able to take a shot past a defender and the keeper. It was an excellent shot by Sun, hitting the upper left corner of the goal.

The next goal was an effort put forward by the entirety of the FLoG offense. With each striker and Wen getting involved as the ball moved across the field. In the end a shot by Wen was blocked out of bounds. On the corner, the kick from Ash found its way to Wen, who made sure the ball went in this time.

This happened minutes before the end of the half. Over the half time, Wen had worked up a different strategy. When they came back to the field, they were setup in a 5-3-2 formation, with Wen and G.P. back on defense and Sun now in midfield. This defensive move held up well for a while.

After 35 minutes into the second half, a British Londinium corner kick found its way past Goobam into the net. It was a skillful headshot, catching Goobam unready for it. Ten minutes later, a yellow card was issued to G.P. for an rough tackle, leaving the British Londinium offensive with a strong starting point. Of the kick, the strikers were able to accomplish a point.

At this point FLoG rushed to offense returning to a 3-3-4 formation. However to was to no avail as the British Londinium keeper made an excellent save against a kick by Auq. A diving catch by the keeper caught the ball that has many times found its way through keepers hands.

After talking to Wen after the game I discovered that he was moving the emphasis more to keeping shots at the net instead of going defensive in the lead. He felt that if he had remained on the offensive he could have pulled through with the victory. He quoted the well known quote "The best defense is a good offense."

After the game FLoG found itself in third place in group 6. Sativaville had found itself in second pace after a victory against Herchimer. FLoG is coincidentally in a tie with British Londinium after the draw. Technically FLoG is in a better position due to a better goal difference.

Group 6 P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 The Holy Empire [AIF] 4 4 0 0 18 6 +12 12
2 Sativaville 4 3 0 1 8 7 +1 9
3 Grotewohl 4 2 1 1 13 10 +3 7
4 British Londinium 4 2 1 1 7 6 +1 7
5 Vilita 4 2 0 2 9 7 +2 6
6 Ulzaxid 4 1 0 3 5 9 -4 3
7 Limbrogidlia 4 0 1 3 1 8 -7 1
8 Herchimer 4 0 1 3 2 10 -8 1

Endmile once again cam in a draw and is now 1-2-1. They are 4th in the group and still have a chance of qualifying if they can pull off a few victories. Trumanistan and Bellzantium both faced defeat and are not looking well. Turmanistan continues to not be able to score any points and is 0-0-4. Bellzantium who had managed to win 6-0 nothing in matchday 3, has not scored in any other games, leaving them in 6th place.

After informing Wen of the downfalls of the other groups from The Second Final Solution, he remarked on the disappointment on Endmile's performances. Having lost to the USSE in the BoF, Endmile was expected to do better in the World Cup than FLoG. However, he note the fact that only a fourth of the games had been played and that Endmile could pull through.

Next match is against Limbrogidlia, which will take place in Limbrogidlia.

May the Football League of Grotewohl continue in the favor of the gods.

Diawsam the Seer


OOC: FLoG has became more offensive switching the modifier to 4+

Inside the Flaggon Dragon

<TV announcer:.. Lichtenberg lines up this unusual late penalty kick here 4 minutes into injury time. Potheads lead 2-1.. and GOOOOOAAAl! 3-1 Potheads as the ref blows the whistle! And Sativaville is 2nd place in the Group! Thanks to the Holy Empire, we're in 2nd place alone! It looks like the Potheads have finally decided to shrug off their losing ways and qualification is a possiblity! To recap Sativaville 3- Herchimer 1
Goals were scored by: Clinton Lichtenberg in the 30th minute and 94th via PK and by Fernando Reif in the 62nd.
Up next for the Potheads is Ulzaxid at home. This should be a good match-up of teams that play a very similar style. For STV, this has been Brian Stewart.>


Police Chief Danner: FUCK!!!! Thanks for nothing Clinton Lichtenberg, you just cost me my freaking raise. If I didn't know any better, I'd swear you'd paid the refs to call that one just to deny me my raise.

Mayor Cremit: Come on, do you really think I could influence a match ont eh other side of the world?

Danner: I wouldn't put it past you, but God....

Cremit: So what do you wanna bet on the Ulzaxid match?

Danner: Nothing, can't afford it.

Cremit: Come on, what are ya, chicken?

Danner: No, but I got to go to that convention in Choing City, so I'm not going to be here next week.

Cremit: Damn, forgot about that, ok, a gentaleman's bet, no money or silly prank or humiliating things, I say we win 2-1.

Danner: No nothing, just a straight bet? We win 3-2.

Cremit: Deal.

The bartender looks at he two men and mumbles, 'Damn.. they aren't going to be here for two weeks, Have to call the boss on this one and see if i can get the next couple of weeks off. i need it dang it.'

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/wentland.pngWentland || 2 - 1 || Daehanjeigukhttp://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/daehanjeiguk.png

First loss puts Imperial Team down to 4th position!

http://image.ohmynews.com/down/images/1/todd_274892_1%5B422538%5D.jpg

It was a loss, somewhat unexpected, yet admirably acceptable. The Imperial Team still retains its biting strength as it goes on to face Cebumopolis in their fifth match.

The match began on the wrong foot, as Wentland scored the easy first goal in the 17th minute. Kim Yongdae's keeping ability was perhaps compromised during the long journey to Wentland, which prompted Cha Beomgeun to bring Kim Ho in the 27th minute. That move went for the worse, as the untested Kim let another goal go by in the 36th minute. At half, Cha Beomgeun made some changes to the line up, expecting to keep the morale high. A late goal by Kim Daeeui consoled the team's charge, but failed to make the significant equalizer.

The Head Coach, rushed as he went to the lockers, addressed some questions: "Well, we had high expectations, but considering this is a high seeded team and on their home turf, I think that the team performed well. I can only hope that we will have sufficient time to prepare for tomorrow's match against Cebumopolis. They're a very poor team, but even poor teams can show surprises. Every match is a must-win case, and we'll take today's loss as an instruction on how better to face Wentland when they come to our place."

No changes to the line up were noted, although the coach was in rush to get some where before declaring this.

GROUP 12
Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 The Archregimancy 4 3 1 0 9 3 +6 10
2 Wentland 4 3 1 0 7 3 +4 10
3 Jariss 4 2 2 0 6 2 +4 8
4 Daehanjeiguk 4 2 1 1 7 5 +2 7
5 Jaseuyeon 4 2 0 2 5 5 - 6
6 Bellzantium 4 1 0 3 6 5 +1 3
7 Cebumopolis 4 0 1 3 2 4 -4 1
8 Central Prestonia 4 0 0 4 2 15 -13 0