NationStates Jolt Archive

http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/logos/tribune/
AEROPAG, JI · 0.10 g Au · 148–03–06
Pre-order Capitalizt SLANI’s World Cup 35 home kit for just 20 g Au and get the away kit for half price!

World Cup: Everything you wanted to know about the semifinal, but wouldn’t think to ask
Rather than boring you with dozens of paragraphs about how it remains to be seen whether the Rouge-et-Noirs’ defense can cope with the speed of Roy Hartenholm or if the Marauders’ attacking strategy will serve them well against Milchama, we’ve decided to simply dump all of the information you want right out in the open.

The Bracket
http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/worldcup/graphics/wc34-knockout/

The Nations
http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/worldcup/graphics/flags/33/UCS13/ The Unified Capitalizt States are a loose confederation of thirteen states, responsible only for the enforcement of one law (and billions of contracts). The people residing within this confederation come from numerous distinct cultures, whose own governments have fallen due to various circumstances. But anyone reading this newspaper should already know that…
http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/worldcup/graphics/flags/33/ARI/ The People’s Democratic Socialist Republic of Ariddia is, as its name suggests, a socialist republic. Many common activities, such as using animals for food and making certain kinds of trades, are fought by this régime using force. The people residing here also come from several different cultures.

The Teams
http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/worldcup/graphics/flags/33/COM/ The Capitalizt SLANI team is led by veteran Jativan wing back Saturio Luguëo, who plays for Klube Qoqerálire Qidádire Putemo, and utilizes a heavily attacking 3–3–4 formation. The primary threat in the front four is forward Roy Hartenholm, who may be on his way to picking up this Cup’s top scorer award. The team is 5–0–0 so far in the Cup, blazing past Assegai Developments, Fmjphoenix, Bettia, Errinundera, and Squornshelous.
http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/worldcup/graphics/flags/33/ARI/ The Ariddia team plays a slightly (yes, only slightly) more moderate 3–4–3 formation. Goalkeeper Xavier Xu is their captain. The Rouge-et-Noirs have conceded many more goals so far than the Capitalizts, starting off with a 1–1 draw with the GNUs, then defeating Tynelia and Errinundera to advance to the second round. Once in the knockout stages, they defeated Bettia and Vilita to reach the semifinal match.

Common opponents
http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/worldcup/graphics/flags/33/BET/ Bettia: Capitalizt SLANI 2–0 Bettia (first round); Ariddia 3–1 Bettia (second round)
http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/worldcup/graphics/flags/33/ERI/ Errinundera: Capitalizt SLANI 2–1 Errinundera (second round); Ariddia 4–3 Errinundera (first round)

Previous meetings
In the teams’ long histories, they have met only twice, in qualification for World Cup 27. Capitalizt SLANI (then Commerce Heights) had the upper hand in the encounters:
Ariddia 1–3 Commerce Heights (World Cup 27 qualification matchday 8)
Commerce Heights 1–1 Ariddia (World Cup 27 qualification matchday 17)

Prediction
The teams will be extremely evenly matched in this game, with both fighting very hard for a spot in the World Cup final. We predict that the Capitalizts will have what it takes to stun their opponents with a decisive goal in the one hundred nineteenth minute.
Ariddia 2–2 Capitalizt SLANI (2–3 AET)

"So this is how our Cup run ends, Basil.... not with a bang, but with a whimper"

"I can't bear to think about that ESF match, Theo... the best lack all conviction, and the worst are full of passionate intensity"

"Too long a sacrifice can make a stone of the heart, Basil. O when may it suffice? That is the Empire's part, our part to murmur name upon name, as a mother names her child when sleep at last has come on limbs that had run wild. What is it but nightfall? No, no, not night but dreams; were they needless dreams after all? For supporters may keep faith even if a loss is done and said...."

"Yeatses, Theo?"

"Yup... Easter, World Cup 34 "

"But still, Theo... to go out so limply... to go out without a fight... to lose 2-1 to an ESF squad that...."

"Everything ends, Basil..."

"Including us, Theo?"

"No... we'll go on. In some tiny corner of the world we've achieved an immortality of sorts. Fleeting in its own way - but even immortality can be temporary. There's a play out there in one of the other realities... it's called the Tempest... here, I'll read you a few lines...

You do look, my son, in a mov'd sort,
As if you were dismay'd: be cheerful, sir:
Our revels now are ended. These our actors,
As I foretold you, were all spirits and
Are melted into air, into thin air:
And, like the baseless fabric of this vision,
The cloud-capp'd towers, the gorgeous palaces,
The solemn temples, the great globe itself,
Yea, all which it inherit, shall dissolve
And, like this insubstantial pageant faded,
Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff
As dreams are made of, and our little life
Is rounded with a sleep..."

"You're going to make me cry, Theo."

"There's more, Basil....


Weak masters though ye be, I have bedimm'd
The noontide sun, call'd forth the mutinous winds,
And 'twixt the green sea and the azured vault
Set roaring war: to the dread rattling thunder
Have I given fire and rifted Jove's stout oak
With his own bolt; the strong-based promontory
Have I made shake and by the spurs pluck'd up
The pine and cedar: graves at my command
Have waked their sleepers, oped, and let 'em forth
By my so potent art. But this rough magic
I here abjure, and, when I have required
Some heavenly music, which even now I do,
To work mine end upon their senses that
This airy charm is for, I'll break my staff,
Bury it certain fathoms in the earth,
And deeper than did ever plummet sound
I'll drown my book.

Everything ends, Basil..... Everything ends. And this rough magic of 'roleplay' we now abjure for World Cup 34, and break our commentary staff deeper than did ever plummet sound. We leave the stage to Ariddia, and the Capitalizt SLANI, and the Warriors and Marauders. We wish them all well... in the end it is enough that we have waked their sleepers, and let 'em forth by our so potent art."

And on that Shakespearean note...

This is an RP cut-off for both semifinals.

With Ariddia in the semis, and with ESF clearly the weakest team remaining in the semis, I'm scorinating both matches in order to avoid even the remotest appearance of a conflict of interest on Ariddia's part.

Scores here (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12635408&postcount=35)

All I'll say is that they were very, very close...

HOLY EMPIRE HERALD

FINAL MATCH ARRANGEMENTS ANNOUNCED
Final To Be Held Simultaneously in Both Host Nations

By Anna Comneno


In a surprise announcement, the football associations of Ariddia and the Holy Empire tonight revealed that the final would be held simultaneously in both co-host nations. A similar arrangement will be in place for the 3rd-place match.

Through the use of advanced Dreamed Realm oneirological technology, the match pitch will be suspended halfway between dream and reality, allowing both nations to host the final at the same time. The match will be held in Ariddia's Stade National Rêvane-Sud and the Holy Empire's Imperial Hippodrome.

"It's really quite simple" said a senior HEFA official, speaking on condition of anonymity. "To all intents and purposes, each nation will witness the match as if it were taking place in its own ground. Things will be a little a little trickier on the pitch, where the players and officials may take a short while to adjust to being suspended between realities - and seeing themselves in both grounds at the same time - but our tests suggest that they will soon adjust to the experience. All the relevant nations will be given adequate training time prior to the matches in order to help their adjustment. The side benefit is that we can fit twice as many supporters into both the final and 3rd-place match - and who can possibly complain about that?"

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/ariddia.png Ariddia 3-2 (AET) Capitalizt SLANI http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/worldcup/graphics/flags/spaam/COM/

Nation celebrates close win

It was one of the closest calls ever in the history of Ariddian football, and it had spectators on the edge of their seat the whole way though. Supporters of both sides alternated between cheers, shouts of encouragement and bouts of tense nail-biting. At stake: a place in the final. That elusive and pretigious World Cup final, which Ariddia had reached only once, eight years ago.

“Wouldn’t it be great if the founders could win it on home ground, a hundred and thirty-two years after it all began?” one resolutely optimistic fan asked.

But the Capitalizts were not about to simply step aside and make way. They had come to Haven (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Haven_%28city%29) in great numbers to encourage their team. Sections of the Capitalizt media were even keen to portray the encounter as a battle of ideologies, a new Cold War fought out on the stadium field – a reminder that football may still be seen as a transposition of old battles and rivalries. The Ariddian press, however, insisted that this was a football match, a sport encounter in a spirit of friendship, fair and respectful competition, and mutual understanding. “The Capitalizts may be ruthless oppressors who crush their people’s most basic and essential rights,” one journalist said, in a passing comment off-camera, “but this isn’t about our democratic system against their oppressive one. We welcome their country’s players and supporters as friends.”

Llseh! Llseh!
Swehashi llosh e lueal o!
Wo’el yeual o!
Al llseh! Al llseh!
Wul ellul sel ei! Wul!
Silew wa oleh!
Sah wa weheshisi!
Sah wa weheshisi!

It was another “all out attack on both sides” match, and the Rouge-et-Noirs’ energetic, fiery performance of the ulek (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ulek) (while the Capitalizts stood their ground without flinching) seemed indicative of things to come. The two teams knew each other well, for having met before and for having studied each other carefully.

First blood (metaphorically speaking) went to the Capitalizts, when Morten Wiedemeyer scored the opening goal in the twenty-eighth minute, after an excellent pass by Chŏng Kang-na (정강나). Ariddian spectators in the stadium began to look nervous, as the first half finished with the visiting team in the lead.

Far from looking tired in the second, however, the Rouge-et-Noirs seemed invigorated with a fresh burst of energy. Indigenous female midfielder Sa Ley equalised, and began an imprompto ulek of her own to vent her excitement. Just six minutes later, in the sixty-second minute, Sébastien Lescrit took his country into the lead at last, hammering Pak Yŏng-sŏng’s goalcage with a powerful shot. The last half-hour was tense for everyone, as Ariddian supporters wondered whether their side would hold on to their narrow lead, and Capitalizts desperately hoped their team could still equalise.

The Capitalizts were still full of energy, and did not let off their attacks. In the seventy-fifth minute, Xavier Xu deflected a shot by Roy Hartenholm with his fingertips, and Ke Sho was just able to clear the ball back towards the middle of the field. Four minutes later, a corner kick by Ariddia resulted in the ball being sent hurtling towards Pak’s goalcage by Richard James’ forehead. The ball hit Pak’s arm, and fell onto the goal line, where the Capitalizt keeper was just able to prevent it from rolling in.

The minutes tumbled away, and Ariddians began to hope, but the game was far from over. In the eighty-fifth minute, it was back to square one when Judith Pérez equalised, and the visiting supporters cheered with new-found hope. They would be going into extra time.

Outside the stadium, viewers gathered in front of a large screen were equally tense, watching and waiting.

To everyone’s surprise (not least his own) Thomas Dargeau, brought in fresh close to the end of normal time, scored in the second minute of extra time. With half an hour still to go, the Rouge-et-Noirs continued attacking, hoping to keep their opponents busy, but also consolidated their defence as best they could. For the Capitalizts, the dilemma was worse: it was vital for them to score, but they could not afford to concede again.

As it happened, the result remained 3-2. A smiling Xavier Xu walked up to his counterpart captain Saturio Luguëo, shook his hand firmly and swapped shirts. He also shook hands with Cafundéu referee Van-Der-Lei, then turned to the crowd and raised his hands in the air, grinning. There were loud cheers and whoops of joy.

Outside, the partying had already begun. It was expected to last most of the night.

For the final, the Rouge-et-Noirs will be facing Milchama. . . a final like no other. From an Ariddian perspective, the game will take place in Stade National Rêvane-Sud, while the match for the third place will be at Wavecrest City Stadium. But both games will simultaneously occur in the Dreamed Realm, thanks to mistifying dream technology which will suspend the players between two realms of existence.

“We’ll be exercising before that, to get used to it,” Xu explained. “I’m not sure anything can really prepare us for it, though. It should be. . . literally out of this world!” he added with a quick laugh. “But mainly, we’re going to focus on how to win the match. We don’t intend to have come so far just to finish second.”


Venues for the final matches

For visitors in Ariddia, the final will appear to take place at Stade National Rêvane-Sud, and the match for the third place at Wavecrest City Stadium.

“THE SCOUT IS FOUND, AND KIDNAPPERS’ PLANS FAIL”

http://img95.imageshack.us/img95/4446/cirrus5ji0.jpg
Jet with The Scout returns to Cafundéu

Finally, it's ended. After weeks of investigations, Cafundéu's agents could find The Scout and his kidnappers, and were successful in the rescue. Following some informations from a bank account, two teams of agents went to the places were the kidnappers were. In Ariddia, the agents were able to arrest five of them, which were in a hotel resting.

"They were surprised. They didn't try to resist, and admitted their involvement on the kidnapping of The Scout. We also discovered what they were planning to do with the money. They would have a meeting with a person in Ariddia, where they would pay three million vintéms for some services. We will reveal them after we conclude the investigations, in the near future", said General Lars Winnear.

The second group, commanded by Special Agent Juliana Paródia, went to Bazalonia. This group had more difficulties in finding the kidnappers, but caught two of them in the hotel room, who were unable to escape. Later, they discovered that other five were in a meeting, in one of the most important buildings of the world football, the World Cup Comitee's headquarters.

"We couldn't believe, but we had to check. We entered in the building and asked for informations, and one of the employees there told us that he saw a man with The Scout's physical details going to the Refereeing Comitee's headquarters, located in the third floor of the building. We invaded the room, and saw The Scout talking to a man. The five kidnappers didn't have guns, but probably were obligating The Scout to do something", said Juliana.

"They were negotiating something and, when we invaded, they immediately recognised us as Cafundéu agents, and tried to escape using an emergency door, bringing The Scout with them. We chased them, and, when we reached the first floor, the World Cup Comitee's president saw the confusion and blocked the front door. The kidnappers were unable to leave the building, but one of them tried to attack me, and was shot. The others surrendered."

"We thanked the president for his brave attitude. He even gave me a ticket to see the World Cup final. The man that was negotiating with them was the chief of the Refereeing Comitee, Daniel Jaroslav, and he was arrested too. We're willing to get more details from them, and you'll soon know what were the kidnappers' plans." Then, Juliana left the room.

Later, The Scout appeared in the room where the reporters were standing. Everybody wanted to hear him. He said: "It was a horrible experience. I had to make many negotiations, and suffered a lot. I was only doing my work in Acapais, I didn't deserve something like that. Thanks to the agents of all countries that helped to rescue me. I'll continue working for the CCFM, but now I just want to rest and see my family."

The reporters wanted to know more about Dazza Dallas's involvement with The Scout. He said: "Wait, where and when did you know that? How could be? We were so discreet... well, at least I was. I'm surprised that you know these things, and will admit that I had a good night with Dazza. I really enjoyed it, and won't forget that. Just hope that my wife forgives me..."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“PERVERTED NUDISTS CAUGHT IN ARIDDIA”

http://img512.imageshack.us/img512/9199/t34drivesu5.jpg http://img502.imageshack.us/img502/9764/snowicelu6.jpg
Cafundéu's tanks invaded the Arctic Islands

Cafundéu's army went to the Arctic Islands in Ariddia, where the group of perverted nudists, hired by the kidnappers of The Scout, were seen by some local inhabitants. War tanks and helicopters looked for them, and after hours of searches, the army could catch them. They weren't using any clothes, even in a place with freezing temperatures. They surrendered and were sent to Ariddia, where they'll probably be sent to prison.

"It was really strange to find a group of naked people in such a cold place. I simply can't understand how they were able to survive in such conditions", said the commander of the operation. The only sad thing is that the group of bad comedians wasn't found, so the comedians are already in Ariddia, and will watch the World Cup final, probably causing confusions.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“THREAT AGAINST VAN-DER-LEI WAS FALSE”

http://img516.imageshack.us/img516/2272/anapaula8pk3.jpg
Nathália Sobral was one of Van-Der-Lei's linesman in the game

The CCFM was extremely worried after the famous referee Van-Der-Lei said that he received death threats after he was chosen as the referee of a World Cup semifinal game, between Ariddia and Capitalizt SLANI (Commerce Heights). A group of special security guards was sent to protect the referee during the game, but it was unnecessary.

Nothing strange happened during the game, so the death threats were false, maybe part of the plan of The Scout's kidnappers. The game had much action, and Van-Der-Lei had a lot of work, but in the end he made an excellent job, with few mistakes, and earned the respect of the players and supporters.

<Fancy graphics with the words "The Jeruselem World Cup XXXIV Final Show" and Jeruselem World Cup XXXIV theme playing>

Dazza: Hi, I'm Dazza Dallas

Wayne: And I'm Wayne Wastle. This is the official Jeruselem World Cup XXXV Final Show!

Dazza: Ariddia and Milchama fight it out in the glory of football's biggest game. In World Cup 32, Jeruselem and Ariddia fought it out and Ariddia won TWO ONE. Once again Ariddia make the final to face the Milchama with the blessing of mighty Maggie behind them.

Wayne: Yes, it's going to be great game. The hosts here have mixed loyalties!

Dazza: I'm going for Ariddia, my new daughter was born in Ariddia and well that's where my loyalties lie.

Wayne: I'm tipping Milchama myself. They are best team in this World Cup.

Dazza: Let's get to our guest hosts! Firstly my sister Debbie Dallas is here. We all know what she's done in football. Next guest is the Minister for Sports and Recreation himself! He's the one touching up my sister.

Wayne: We have Big Gay Al, the Jeruselem captain who's now retired from international football. And then we have the new assistant coach of Jerusalem United, Abrams Tunk. The former Assistant Coach is this bimbo over here.

Dazza: OK, let's have opinions! Who's going be the new World Champ of football to dethrone Bettia? Let's have it!

Debbie: Milchama are the best team for me
Minister: I'm going with Ariddia
Al: Ariddia for me
Tunk: Milchama will be too strong

Dazza: We have a split opinion with our panel here! We don't have reporter in WaveCrest as I had a baby over there and had to go home, so we will be watching from here. Dinkie would have covered for me but she's got a wedding to organise so we let her off the hook too.

Wayne: Minister, is there competition for Dazza's job?

Minister: As DazMania's hottest host, no (smiles). If you're referring to the coaching job, no one's applied. Not even Tunk here. I look forward to a better cup next time round, if I'm still in this job myself.

Tunk: If I say so myself, the local coaches aren't ready. We've had a lot of older coaches retiring and the younger ones are still learning. Poor Dazza has a disrupted campaign with the best players getting injured before the cup and then more injuries during the cup. We had three captains so I think we were quite unlucky. Oh and the scout kidnapping incident too wasn't helpful.

Al: Don't blame Dazza. I didn't the job required on the field in the end. We didn't put the training she gave us into the field of play in full.

Debbie: As the World Cup 33 coach, I can't recall a more disrupted campaign. We did well and almost made it to 2nd round. No, I'm staying retired - I won't apply.

Dazza: Thanks for support!

Wayne: We'll be back after the break with the two teams and some analysis. We find out what's going happen in the World Cup 34 final. I think the next ad is one of Dazza's Dazmania ads ... Dazza's everywhere.

Dazza: That's why I'm the Village Bike. I get around!

(cuts to some advertisements)

Wayne: Welcome back! Yes, the two Dallas girls have swapped places. I think the Minister wants to get his dirty hands on Dazza there.

Dazza: Now, why would say that? (smiling, giggles) This is for you, or one of your kids (handing the minister a soft toy in the image of herself complete with kneepads and with "DazMania" on the front)

Minister: What's the shame of that? I'm a single man! I think Dazza is fine looking coach. I don't think many teams have coachs like Dazza, let alone players like her except maybe that Isla Blige girl. But Dazza's the right age for a guy like me, pity she isn't single (nudges Dazza). Cute toy Dazza, my granddaughter likes these things. Thanks!

Wayne: Minister, keep the Sport and Recreation for later please. Now, lets get to the teams! Starting with the hosts Ariddia.

Minister: Hey, I just found out they found the scout alive and well! You must be happy there Dazza.

Dazza: Really? Oh I'm so happy!

...

COUNSELOR-MINISTER OF SECURITY'S CONCLUSIONS ABOUT THE SCOUT'S CASE

The day after the final operations of Cafundéu's agents, who were able to arrest most of the football haters and rescued The Scout, the Counselor-Minister of Security, Lars Winnear, sent an official note to the press, with the final conclusions of the investigations. The note says the following:


KIDNAPPERS' PLANS - CASE 4569002-34

This case refers to The Scout's kidnapping by the hands of a group of
football haters, which reunited people from many countries of the world.
Their plan was the following:

1- They looked for an important person of a rich country to
kidnap, looking to earn some money to start their plan. The Scout was an
excellent option, as he is a good negotiator and could help the group to get
some good deals.

2- They start to follow The Scout. In Jeruselem, they
invaded The Scout's hotel while he was sleeping (probably with Dazza Dallas)
and discovered what games he was planning to see.

3- In the last round of the World Cup qualifiers, some of the
kidnappers went to Quakmybush, were The Scout was supposed to be, to
see the game between Assegai Developments and the local national team. But
they were unsuccessful, as The Scout abandoned the place during halftime.

4- Other 3 groups were searching for The Scout in the other
3 countries that hosted playoff games. In Acapais, one of these groups found
The Scout watching the game between Acapais and The HURD, and were
successful at kidnapping him.

5- In their first contacts, they asked for a huge value. They
wouldn't need all that money. Later, they asked for less money, but wanted
to stay with The Scout to use him in the negotiations. Cafundéu didn't want
to negotiate, so they had to think about another plan.

6- For some days, the kidnappers didn't make contact with
the CCFM. There were probably five groups: one in the Dreamed Realm,
another in a unknown country near Ariddia, another in Bazalonia, other in
Cafundéu and a last one travelling around the world. The last group searched
for many groups interested in money, in exchance for some services.

7- As Cafundéu was investigating them, the kidnappers
inposed deadlines. So, Cafundéu had to payfive million vintéms to them. With
this money, they started their plan, paying the groups contacted during the
travels. The mission of these groups was simple. They would receive tickets
for the World Cup final (bought from the internet) and money. In the stadium,
during the World Cup final, they would have to create confusion and disturb
the other supporters.

8- The most important groups were: violent mercenaries
(would destroy things and threat thepeople), field invaders (would invade the
field, throw things to the field), crazy prophets (would shout during the
stadium and disturb the people), perverted nudists (would undress at the
stadium), drunk fans (would create confusions), bad comedians (would tell
their bad jokes during the games - they succeed, and will probably watch the
game), and many other groups with similar missions.

9- The rest of the V$5,000,000 was used to buy war
weapons to the violent mercenaries. But guards of a portal near Pegaladrao
noticed the strange boxes used for the transport of the weapons, and
contacted Alasdair I Frosticus's agents. The special group of agents, chosen
by the Counselor-Minister, the General Lars Winnear, and commanded by
agent Fred Cardoso, started a shooting against the mercenaries, which
ended with a victory of our agents, although we had some serious losses.

10- After capturing some of the mercenaries, we discovered
more informations about these groups hired by the kidnappers, and more
about the kidnappers. With these informations in hands, we started to
prepare our counterattack. Unfortunately, the informations about the
kidnappers were unsufficient, so we had to go after these groups first.

11- It was easy to find these groups, as most of them were
trying to invade Alasdair I Frosticus using portals. As the Dreamed Realm
agents could notice that, these groups could be found and captured. Only
few groups remained after that, and they started to try to invade Ariddia.

12- With the arrival of the quarterfinal games, the second
deadline ended, and we had to pay more five million vintéms to the
kidnappers. This time, Cafundéu made an agreement with the bank, which
allowed the agents to see where the money would go. With these
informations, the agents discovered where the money was being used.

13- While we were preparing our agents to go after the
kidnappers, Alasdair I Frosticus found some of the kidnappers in the Dreamed
Realm, and arrested them. The crazy prophets were arrested in Cafundéu.
So, Cafundéu could discard the possibility of more people in the Dreamed
Realm, and focused on the final invasions.

14- The final attacks started. There were two groups of
kidnappers: one of them was in Ariddia, and another in Bazalonia. The most
strong group went to Ariddia. In the meantime, the perverted nudists were
caught.

15- The kidnappers' final plan was consisted in two parts.
The first group, in Bazalonia, was going to negotiate with Daniel Jaroslav,
chief of the Refereeing Comitee of Football. They would offer nearly ten
millions vintéms for Daniel Jaroslav to choose a "special referee" to whistle
the final of the World Cup. The Scout was used in the negotiations.

16- The second group, in Ariddia, was going to negotiate
with this "special referee". An interesting fact is that this referee is a really
bad referee, named Phil Mondregast, from the absolutely unknown country of
Lalauland XVI. Later, it was discovered that this country doesn't even exist.
The offer was of three million vintéms. Mondregast's mission was to make the
World Cup final the most boring game in history. He would have to disallow all
the goals scored, whistle many fouls, show red cards to many players and
make some strange calls, in order to transform what should be a great game
in something awful to see.

17- Other two millions would be used to arrange transport
and accomodations for the groups and for the kidnappers in Ariddia and in
Alasdair I Frosticus. In the end, they would spend V$15,000,000. Much less
then the V$50 or 25 million that they asked. Summarizing, their mission was
to destroy the World Cup final, making it the worst in history, as they hate
football.

18- Fortunately, our groups were successful. The Ariddia
group easily arrested the kidnappers that were going to negotiate with
Mondregast. The Bazalonia group had more difficulties, and had to invade the
World Cup Comitee's headquarters to capture Jaroslav and the kidnappers,
after a difficult persecution. The group was helped by the employees of the
World Cup Comitee.

19- After capturing most of the kidnappers (and killing the
two remaining), Cafundéu rescued The Scout, and brought him back to
Cafundéu. Most of the kidnappers and groups hired by them (including
Mondregast) were sent to Carandirú City's prison in Cafundéu. Jaroslav was
sent to a Bazalonia prison. The perverted nudists were sent to Ariddia, and
the crazy prophets to Alasdair I Frosticus.

20- Ending with this, we are happy and relieved to succeed,
and will try to make our best to avoid to see these things being repeated.
Government members can ask us for more details of this case.

Alexandria Times-Tribune-Star-Post-Gazette-Chronicle-Journal-Enquirer

Sports Section

Hey look a match report

In a spectacular semifinal Milchama advanced to their first final in the World Cup beating Elves Security Forces 4-1 on penalty kicks after tying them 2-2 in regular and extra time. Coach Damian Hill said, "We need to bring them the heckbit of doom. Those kids need to pray to that Margaret madam, she can take that heckbit of doom to the next level. Love her, great gal Margaret. Go Margaret!" And now for a rendition of how they scored:

1st minute: Great day at the ballpark. Looks like two teams are ready to play.

20th minute: Milchama on the attack. Marchakov in, oh on stopped by the defense. Nothing happening there.

38th minute:ESF attacking now, Stone to Cuellar to the other wing and Jannian, he crosses and Mergle rises but Night's on top a header, and Dalton dives. NOT ENOUGH GOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!! Kiso Night rising over Chase Mergle to put a spectacular header away. ESF leads 1-0 and it's not looking good for Milchama in this so far mostly boring game.

45th minute: Still 1-0 ESF. Not looking good for the Warriors.

80th minute: Casey Stockholm now on the ball, goes over to Nicolai Marchakov. Marchakov a speedster who has not been able to get free but wait here he goes past Constant as he flashes down the Marauder defense looking bad but he passes it central to Del Clufor, as Belmowitz comes the defense adapting as Clufor finds Kelvin Joseph on the other side who side steps a charging Kries and shoots! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!! Kelvin Josesph! Tie game! Joseph through the middle after a dummy from Belmowitz and it's 1-1!

85th minute: Clufor now on the ball and passes over to Barett M. Lonnen. Lonnen goes forward and Belmowitz is streaking the ball, HE'S ONSIDE! Avi Belmowitz... 2-1! GOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAALLLLLLL!!!!!!!! 2-1 Milchama! I'm losing my voice oh my god 2 goals in 5 minutes for the Warriors and surely now they are going through! Unbelievable it's like a screaming line drive! Milchama to the final!

90th minute: ESF clearly on their last legs. Cuellar decides to shoot, oh that's dipping no! What a save by Dalton! He knocks that shot wide but it's a corner kick as everybody comes up for the Marauders and everybody is back for the Warriors. Kiso Night, the goal scorer, to take it. The kick it's an inswinger to the edge of the box for Nickel, shot! OH NO! GOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!! ESF scores in the dying seconds. The ref blows for full time and we go to extra time. Almost nothing happened until the 80th minute and bam suddenly 3 goals in 10 minutes and whatever your allegiance this game is clearly an instant classic.

Extra Time:

102nd minute: Night to Night. Kyla Night trying to find room and pass but Hansen is there and the danger is cleared.

115th minute: ESF again as Kyla Night tries to find support but is stolen away again from by Mergle. Night just not getting any support from the strikers despite her scathing runs.

120th minute: Marchakov takes a desperate but it's over the cross bar and out of play so the game will be decided by penalties. Let us hope the Warriors can keep their nerve. ESF to shoot first.

PK 1: Kiso Night v. Halutz Dalton and Kenny Rintell v. Martin St. Louis

Night comes up to take the kick. Remember 5 kicks automatically, as Dalton waits. You have to think that Halutz's intimidating frame will make for something good here. Kiso runs forward stutter steps, Dalton goes left and the kid easily slips it home right. Very well taken penalty.

Our kid now, as Kenny Rintell son of Milchamian legend Johnny Rintell for our first penalty. Rintell a wonderful shot comes forward bends it left but St. Louis guessed left! the ball bends over St. Louis and in. A little lucky by Rintell but we'll take it.

PK 2: 1-1. Marsha Stone and Tilar Flitty

You gotta wonder why Stone is in as on the stat sheet it says that she is 1-6 in penalties taken in games. Maybe Soler knows something I don't, the Marauder faithful must hope so. Stone comes up and shoots right, Dalton guessed right! SAVE! ESF down one.

Flitty comes up. His penalties have also been suspect except in clutch situations like this one. He comes in quickly St. Louis looking not ready jumps up?! as Flitty slots it in left.

PK 3: 2-1. Tobias Raynor and Avi Belmowitz

Raynor in quickly as Dalton guesses right, but Raynor put it left! and it's off the post! Oh horror of horrors for Raynor well struck until the last intant. You have to feel that it might be Milchama's day espiecially after that penalty.

Belmowitz, the Warriors best penalty taker gets ready. St. Louis looking increasingly nervous and jumpy as Belmowitz stutter steps, St. Louis goes right and Avi goes the other way. 3-1 Milchama and the crowd can sense victory.

PK 4: Kyla Night and Kelvin Joseph

Night the best ESF player of all time gets ready to try to help her team in the finals. All she needs to do is stroke this penalty to keep it alive for the Marauders. She comes in with confidence goes right and Dalton follows her to the save! All Milchama needs to do now is make this penalty and thier going to the final.

Kelvin Joseph a clutch player throughout his years. He gave Milchama the win the Five Nations Invitational and helped them beat Starblaydia in the U21 cup all those years ago and has been invaluable with late goals for the Warriors comes up to take this final penalty. Martin St. Louis ready and the whistle blows. Joseph goes center! St. Louis tries to stick out a hand but can't! IT'S IN! IT'S IN! IT'S IN! Milchama to the final! Joseph scores and it's all over! Milchama to the finals! Unbelievable!

Final Score:
Milchama 2 (Joseph 80, Belmowitz 85)
Elves Security Forces (Night 38, Nickel 90)

"Oh man what a game!"

"Yeh two goals only to give one back and win in penalties"

"This is just crazy"

"And the Milchamian media released a match report"

"All is looking good"

"Now let us pray"

*Rings the hornbell 34 minutes and 10000 people later*

"Alright everybody this is the final meaning an extra long ceremony with TWO hakas. All ready? Good!"

"Now do as I do and say as I say"

''Ringa pakia!''
''Uma tiraha!''
''Turi whatia!''
''Hope whai ake!''
''Waewae takahia kia kino!''
''Ka mate, ka mate''
''Ka ora, ka ora''
''Ka mate, ka mate''
''Ka ora, ka ora''
''Tēnei te tangata pūhuruhuru''
''Nāna nei i tiki mai whakawhiti te rā''
''Ā upane, ka upane''
''Whiti te rā, hī!''

"Good now the second haka!"

"Same thing as the first do as I do and repeat after me!"

"Kapa o Pango kia whakawhenua au i ahau!
Hī aue, hī!
Ko Aotearoa e ngunguru nei!
Au, au, aue hā!
Ko Kapa o Pango e ngunguru nei!
Au, au, aue hā!
I āhahā!
Ka tū te ihiihi
Ka tū te wanawana
Ki runga ki te rangi e tū iho nei, tū iho nei, hī!
Ponga rā!
Kapa o Pango, aue hī!
Ponga rā!
Kapa o Pango, aue hī, hā!"

"Nice job everybody!"

"Now mister come up here and speak"

"Kanas" Kanas"
"Ledona" "Ledona"
"Foomie" "Foomie"
"Pwny" "Pwny"

"Thank you sir!"

"Now strip and run around!"

*62 minutes of chaos later*

"Come back everybody! It's been an hour!"

"Oh great Margaret. We thank thee, you have brought us more and honor and glory then could ever be imagined but we still have one more game to go so may you grant us victory over Ariddia in the final. To ensure it we will shall sacrifice to you 3 rubber goats, 5 rubber chickens, 1 rubber lamb, and a partridge in a pear tree."

*All get sacrificed simultaneously*

"Margaret, may you accept our sacrifices and may they bring you joy up where you are and may you bring us joy by allowing us, through your grace, to win the World Cup."

This is an RP cut-off for the third place match. And the winner of the third place is... to be found here (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12642957&postcount=36).

And the final result is here (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12643029&postcount=37)



If the Patriarch of Alasdairopolis has said it once, he's said it a thousand times... sacrificing rubber chickens to false idols just doesn't work... ;)

Az-cz Scroll
Az-cz
Il-Lur

The curse of runner ups?

Local area statistician and football fanatic Wnk-Wnk has discovered what he believes to be a curse on second place teams in the world cup.

Wnk-Wnk calls the curse "The Audoslavian legacy". He says that the famous nation of Audioslavia who lost four championship matches has started a curse that dooms second place finishers, but that with them around as a magnet they protected some teams, but now that they are gone all the second place finishers are truly cursed.

"Start by looking at the teams who've finished second place since Audioslavia left the world football scene.", he instructed. Those teams would be Starblaydia in World Cup 30, New Montreal States in World Cup 31, Jeruselem in World Cup 32 and Az-cz in World Cup 33. "All of them have been quite disappointing and two are no longer even active, as of the end of world cup 34." Indeed New Montreal States quickly disappeared from the scene after their title and Starblaydia fell from world number to two pointless cups before their retirement from the grand stage. As for Jeruselem after being upset in the second round in Az-cz they didn't even make the knockouts in Ariddia. Wnk-Wnk had more evidence to back up his belief. "Since Audioslavia lost their first championship game only one team who lost their first trip to a championship match has won a title, and that was Squornshelous after a gap of sixteen cups. On the other hand a number of nations that seemed like it would be only a matter of time before they broke through like Dance 2 Revolution or Druida have failed to win a cup after all of these years." He continued with even more coincidental evidence "Indeed the only two other nations who have lost a championship match then won later are Bedistan and Rejistania, who are the two greatest powers of all. So if you're an incredible nation you might be able to escape the curse, but for mere mortals, we're doomed."

We don't know if his assesment is particulary valid, and if you look at the results, most teams that won their first trip to the championship match after world cup 12 have also failed to win a later championship. Still with Starblaydia, Eauz and now Ariddia having picked up multiple championships there might be some validity to the curse theory. Will learn much more next cup as Jeruselem, Az-cz and Milchama try to break through the Audioslavian malaise.

Jeruselem Government News

The Village Bike rides on!

The Jeruselem FA said Dazza Dallas was keeping her job as Jeruselem coach. The main reasons was they really couldn't find a local suitable replacement with any sort of World Cup experience. The main issue is most Jeruselem world cup players don't go into coaching except for maybe the Dallas girls. Most settle back into normal jobs and the women become Mums. The other issue is very World Cup players have the same communications like Debbie or Dazza Dallas.

Current local Jeruselem club coaches are fairly inexperienced with international football and get hired because they are cheap. Most cannot afford to have a Dazza Dallas on their coaching payrolls unless you are big team like Jerusalem United who have had the late Harry Kool and current Dazza Dallas on their coaching staff.

The rumoured fight for the assistant coach position is between Rashina Dallas, Abrams Tunk, former women's player Anna Goldstein, Penny Lane and GW Tree. A possible contender not usually mentioned is the immigrant coach Sarky Kozy - who is contrast to the girly Dazza. Maybe the soft Dazza and hard Sarky Kozy are the best coaching team?

Meanwhile conservative education groups are planning to use the "Dazza Dallas and Scout getting drunk and into the bedroom" hotel video as an example of what happens when you drink to much and discourage kids from drinking.

News item from Le Monde, the Deddique (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Deddick) daily newspaper

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/lemonde.png

VIVA L’ARIDDIA (again)
HALLUCINOGENIC SORREL MARS VICTORY CELEBRATIONS
A large contingent of Ariddian expatriates along with many sympathetic locals went troppo today at the Deddick Town Hall viewing of the World Cup final. And it wasn’t because Ariddia won (although that helped) and it wasn’t because the ever-popular ambassador Audrey Melei attended. Experts put the unruly behaviour down to the use of an experimental variety of sorrel for the traditional serving of soup at the pre-game lunch. (Due to the reality altering technologies of the Holy Empire, the match took place live at a time convenient to all nations regardless of longitude or local viewing schedules.)

“Because of the terrible blight afflicting the province we couldn’t get any French sorrel to save our lives,” said head cook, ordoloo. “Then I heard that one of the universities up at Bonang had a new variety they were testing. They were happy to give me some. You’ve got to understand the dilemma we had. We couldn’t make do with just any sorrel, it had to be French sorrel - Ariddia was playing in the final; and the ambassador was coming. We had to do something.”

Top scientist from the Bonang University Department of Agricultural Sciences, joelene, says she cautioned ordoloo about the hallucinogenic qualities of the herb. “Hey, Errinundrians like to have their perception of reality twisted. Why should I have worried about it being used for this event. It’s not like it’s illegal or anything.”

Few people who imbibed the soup, including the ambassador, have any clear memories of the Cup Broadcast. In any case, the large screen was knocked over early in the match and thereafter refused to function. The doped out crowd didn’t seem to mind as they all partook of their own interpretation of reality. This generally involved random, vigorous movements somewhat hazardous to nearby people and objects. The main hall received a drubbing and the injury toll stands at 97, including the ambassador’s bruised eyeball. She was lucky not to have been severely injured.

Repairs to the Town Hall will take about two years advises the town engineer, vertheto. “It’s a good thing we had assembled a team to repair the recently damaged clock tower. It would have taken longer otherwise.”

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/Flag/Flag-DeddickFr.jpg

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/ariddia.png Ariddia 4-1 Milchama http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/milchama.png

Nation’s dream comes true

The parties will no doubt go on for days.

After scraping through the semis, the Rouge-et-Noirs were in magnificant form for the final, playing in front of a home crowd in Rêvane. . . and another packed stadium in the Holy Empire’s Imperial Hippodrome.

Both sides seemed to adjust well to being suspended between realities. And Ariddian spectators could not have asked for a better show.

By the seventy-fifth minute it all seemed over, yet many supporters did not yet dare to hope. The Rouge-et-Noirs had a two goal lead, after Ie O, John Andrews and Sébastien Lescrit had all scored for Ariddia, and Kary for Milchama. Two minutes later, Ie O slipped a fourth goal in, and the crowd finall let they joy burst out freely. The final minutes seemed almost incidental; everyone was already celebrating.

The Rouge-et-Noirs had won for the second time in the span of three Cups, proving themselves to be one of the best teams in the world today, and surpassing their long-gone predecessors’ wildest dreams.

“Everyone hopes to win the World Cup on home ground,” Ariddian captain Xavier Xu said. “Right now I’m just really, really happy.”

Ariddians have invited foreign visitors who are still in the country to stay a little longer and join the fun.

“Everyone’s welcome. Make the most of Ariddia while you’re here! Just join any party you feel like, and have a great time!”

Jeruselem Government News

Local Ariddians mob "Arridian" Dazza

Jeruselemites of Ariddian descent mobbed Dazza Dallas and new baby yesterday while she was shopping. Most wanted to see little Jacinta Dallas who was born in Ariddia, Wavecrest Hospital. For some reason there were lots of Ariddian supporters in one spot on the day, probably to watch their team win the World Cup 35 for the second time, this time against the Milchama and it's goddess.

Dazza later said
"Woah, I didn't know there were so many Ariddians around here!"

Employers reported their Ariddian employees were missing the day after the final but they were understanding about the situation as Jeruselem was football mad too.

Oddly, sales of rubber chickens stopped after the world cup final.