World Cup 34 RP Thread [Archive]

Alasdair I Frosticus

11-04-2007, 05:36

WORLD CUP QUALIFICATION GROUPS

1
Commerce Heights [Capitalizt SLANI] (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12482343&postcount=22)
Tynelia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12485725&postcount=28)
Yafor 2
Rorysville
East Lithuania
West Pasco (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12482344&postcount=24)
United Island Empires

2
The Archregimancy (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12511470&postcount=41)
Turori (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12478429&postcount=8)
Northern Bettia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12524206&postcount=47)
Commerce Heights JSY (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12482350&postcount=23)
Turruth Gordur (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12507323&postcount=39)
Mekhule (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12479139&postcount=12)
Holweg

3
Bettia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12490408&postcount=33)
Quakmybush (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12490820&postcount=34)
Northern Caesarea (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12526846&postcount=49)
Estresse Intenso (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12517976&postcount=44)
Lovisa (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12514025&postcount=42)
Kiryu-Shi (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12511467&postcount=40)
Gnejs

4
Wentland (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12494979&postcount=36)
Errinundera (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12480697&postcount=18)
Vilita
Haraki
Swilatia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12478166&postcount=5)
SS Oaklands
Netherwallop

5
Demot (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12490905&postcount=35)
Cafundéu (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12514773&postcount=43)
Fmjphoenix
Magnus Valerius
Atheistic Right (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12485230&postcount=26)
Ulzaxid (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12536341&postcount=54)
St Samuel (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12478775&postcount=10)

6
Jeruselem (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12480766&postcount=19)
Sel Appa (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12479467&postcount=13)
Schorteskatascansolani (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12479698&postcount=15)
The HURD (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12529494&postcount=51)
Raging Penguins (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12482100&postcount=20)
The Macabees
Oglethorpia

7
Squornshelous (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12477129&postcount=3)
Qazox (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12479984&postcount=16)
Nedalia
Zwangzug (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12477948&postcount=4)
Algal States
St Pauls Isle
Ghost Tigers Rise

8
Geisenfried (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12535381&postcount=53)
Elves Security Forces (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12477035&postcount=2)
Green Wombat (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12522742&postcount=45)
Quintessance of Dust
Aurendia
British Londinium
Cookborough (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12483092&postcount=25)

9
The Lowland Clans
Starblaydia
Assegai Developments (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12488524&postcount=32)
Marceau State
Kericia
Alexandrian Ptolemais
American Fist

10
Rejistania (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12540912&postcount=55)
Milchama (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12497261&postcount=37)
Sativaville (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12522748&postcount=46)
Bostopia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12486907&postcount=30)
Acapais (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12478731&postcount=9)
Kingsford
Nerotika

11
Schiavonia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12534384&postcount=52)
Bazalonia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12478848&postcount=11)
Fort Europe (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12485376&postcount=27)
Bushes Been Quaked
Okielahoma (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12479488&postcount=14)
Random Toast
J-Man2k7 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12485946&postcount=29)

12
Az-cz (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12480603&postcount=17)
Oliverry
Ropa-Topia (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12559675&postcount=56)
Dance 2 Revolution
Cookesland (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12478313&postcount=6)
Kampfers
Junista

Your Hosts:
Ariddia Squad (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12499066&postcount=38)
Ariddia NSwiki (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ariddia)

Holy Empire Squad (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12585955&postcount=57)
Holy Empire NSwiki (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Alasdair_I_Frosticus)

MATCHDAY SCHEDULE

Day 1
Team 1 v Team 6
Team 2 v Team 7
Team 3 v Team 4
Team 5: BYE

Day 2
Team 6 v Team 2
Team 7 v Team 3
Team 4 v Team 5
Team 1: BYE

Day 3
Team 2 v Team 1
Team 3 v Team 5
Team 6 v Team 7
Team 4: BYE

Day 4
Team 7 v Team 1
Team 4 v Team 2
Team 5 v Team 6
Team 3: BYE

Day 5
Team 1 v Team 4
Team 6 v Team 3
Team 5 v Team 7
Team 2: BYE

Day 6
Team 3 v Team 1
Team 7 v Team 4
Team 2 v Team 5
Team 6: BYE

Day 7
Team 1 v Team 5
Team 3 v Team 2
Team 4 v Team 6
Team 7: BYE

Day 8
Team 6 v Team 1
Team 7 v Team 2
Team 4 v Team 3
Team 5: BYE

Day 9
Team 2 v Team 6
Team 3 v Team 7
Team 5 v Team 4
Team 1: BYE

Day 10
Team 1 v Team 2
Team 5 v Team 3
Team 7 v Team 6
Team 4: BYE

Day 11
Team 1 v Team 7
Team 2 v Team 4
Team 6 v Team 5
Team 3: BYE

Day 12
Team 4 v Team 1
Team 3 v Team 6
Team 7 v Team 5
Team 2: BYE

Day 13
Team 1 v Team 3
Team 4 v Team 7
Team 5 v Team 2
Team 6: BYE

Day 14
Team 5 v Team 1
Team 2 v Team 3
Team 6 v Team 4
Team 7: BYE

The following links may also be of use:

Roster thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=522109)

Discussion thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=293066)

Pre-WC RP thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=522155)

Alasdair I Frosticus

11-04-2007, 05:44

THE WORLD CUP 34 QUALIFICATION DRAW

LIVE FROM THE IMPERIAL HIPPODROME

[total darkness; a deep booming voice suddenly announces…]

Ladies, gentlemen, eunuchs, transgendered and non-humans, the Holy Empire and Ariddia are proud to bring you….

[Floodlights come on; the gold-domed bejewelled 100,000 capacity hippodrome is completely full; 5 representatives from each of the participating nations are seated in a special section on the pitch wildly (or not so wildly, depending on the nature of the nation) waving their flag or other appropriate symbol. A stage is at one end, with representatives from the Ariddian and Imperial FAs seated in the wings]

THE WORLD CUP DRAW!!!!

[Mass pandemonium and cheering]

And now, your hosts, your favourite World Cup Hall of Fame commentary team….

BASIL AND THEO!!!!!

[More mass pandemonium]

“Thank you! Thank you! I’m Basil!”

“And I’m Theo! And let’s kick things off with the ever-popular musical stylings of the Cheap Slutty Bimbos and their official World Cup 34 song ‘Don’tcha Wish Your Team Could Score With Me’….”

[six nearly naked women in their late teens to early 20s appear on stage, gyrating provocatively. They open their mouths to sing, but no music plays. They clearly expected to lip-sync their way through the opening number. There is much booing, though it mainly seems to come from women].

“Whoops! Seems like there’s a problem with the sound there. Sorry about that, CSBs! Erm… yes… moving right along… what comes next? Theo?”

“The tribute to the first two World Cups! Yes, that’s right, live and on stage, we’re pleased to bring you the star of the Holy Empire’s midfield in World Cups 1-4, and current coach of the national team…. Juan Tzimisces!!!!”

[Tzimisces appears to ecstatic shouting]

“And, representing Ariddia….. the partially-decomposed corpse of World Cup 1 captain Michel Boulanger!”

[Total, appalled silence. Crickets chirp in the background. The Ariddian officials rise to their feet, shouting furiously at Basil and Theo]

“Erm, err…. Sorry…. Seems we might have a, well, erm, minor…. We’ll be right back after these important messages from your local broadcaster!”

[cut to commercial. When the world cup draw returns, Tzimisces is sitting to the side of the stage, and Boulanger’s corpse is nowhere to be seen. The Ariddians are back in their seats, looking furious.]

“Well, Basil, seems as if we had a minor little cultural misunderstanding there. But we’d like to apologise unreservedly to the entire Ariddian nation for that unfortunate moment.”

“Absolutely, Theo. Rest assured that Monsieur Boulanger’s mortal remains have been sent back to Ordinary Reality, and that we promise not to further disturb any Ariddian burial grounds. Ever again. We’re really, really, sorry. Honest we are.”

“How about we get started with the draw, Basil?”

“Can we, Theo? I thought the draw was supposed to be done by Tzimisces and the animated Boulanger corpse…. How are we going to….?”

“Well, I suppose we’ll just have to do it ourselves! In these seven pots are golden balls representing each nation, twelve balls in each pot, grouped according to current team rank.”

“That’s right Theo – and using the amazing Zwangzug World Cup Organisational Software designed by Babbage and Turing specially for this World Cup, the groups will be shown on this screen directly behind…. Err… hang on a second…. There’s a…. slight buzzing sound in my ear…. What was that? The Software isn’t ready? Distract the crowd? Say, Theo, do you remember my joke about the nun, the two donkeys and the plate of spaghetti?”

“Yes, but are you sure you want to tell it now?”

“It’ll kill five minutes, won’t it? There was this nun, see, and one day….”

… the stinky cheese and the gorilla!”

[Basil and Theo collapse in hysterical laughter. Again, such is the appalled silence that crickets can be heard in the background]

“Don’t think they liked it, Basil.”

“Philistines, Theo – say, what’s that banner over there?”

[group of scruffy young men unfurl a banner with the slogan “[B]FEAR THE COMING OF THE ONEIROMANCER!” They are immediately attacked and beaten by a group of black-clad security officers. The TV screen seems to shimmer briefly, and when it comes back into focus, the scruffy young men have been replaced by some cute young women who’ve unfurled a banner with the slogan “HOORAY FOR EVERYTHING!”]

“Awwwwww…. Isn’t that nice! Anyway, Basil…. I think the software’s finally ready, and we can start to draw those balls…. Let’s start with group 1, and drawing from the first seed bowl, we come up with…. Commerce Heights !

[The small Capitalizt delegation cheers as the stadium lighting changes to the home kit colours of Commerce Heights – this stadium lighting motif is repeated as each name is drawn out of a bowl.]

The 9th-ranked team in this World Cup – and 10th-ranked in the world – the Capitalizts will be confident of qualifying, I’m sure”

“And from the second seed bowl, Theo, we have…. Tynelia!”

“From the third seed bowl…. The Golden Wolves of Yafor 2! Oooooooh…. Yafor 2 are the top-ranked third seeds in this tournament, and Tynelia and Yafor 2 will be fighting hard for that second automatic qualification spot…”

“From the fourth bowl…. Rorysville”

“And quickly drawing the fifth through seventh group seeds… Group 1’s rounded out with East Lithuania, West Pasco, and United Island Empires”

“Well, Theo, as you so rightly said, it’s going to be a battle for the top three spots, but you’d have to say that it’s hard to see any of the other teams challenging Commerce Heights, Tynelia and Yafor 2 – let’s look at that group again…”

Commerce Heights
Tynelia
Yafor 2
Rorysville
East Lithuania
West Pasco
United Island Empires

“Now, Basil, for group 2 – and the first name out of the bowl is… The Archregimancy – the lowest-ranked of the top seeds, but certainly no pushovers. And judging from the cheers, the monks are certainly popular here in the Holy Empire, bless ‘em. Let’s see if they can finally break their recent habit of combining amazing qualifying runs with anti-climactic failure in the finals.”

“The second seed in group 2 is…. Turori! Difficult team, Turori – might have slipped a but recently, but they’ll fancy their chances.”

“The third seed, Basil, is…. Northern Bettia. The World Cup 33 surprise packages are taking on the Archregimancy for the second qualification campaign in a row!”

“Moving on to the fourth seed…. Commerce Heights JSY – oooooh…. That’s both of the Commerce Heights teams out of the bowls, and the Jasiyun squad are facing a tough campaign.”

“Pulling out the remaining teams quickly, we have… Turruth Gordur – well, maybe not so quickly after all… I sense some tense times in this group, Basil – ample opportunity for mayhem of one sort or another, surely.”

“Looks like it, Theo – and the remaining teams are Mekhule and Holweg.”

“Hard to see beyond the monks and Turori in this group, Basil, - though the Bettians are capable of an upset. That said, the battle for the playoff spot looks like being fierce and – if the Fireant-Turruth Gordur matches play to expectation – possibly deadly.

The Archregimancy
Turori
Northern Bettia
Commerce Heights JSY
Turruth Gordur
Mekhule
Holweg

“Now for group 3 – and the first seeds, Theo, are… Bettia! The World Champions and top-ranked team head group 3.”

“Drawing from the second bowl, we have…. Quakmybush – a team that after some very lucky early qualifications are finally earning some respect, Basil”

“Third seeds, Theo are…. Northern Caesarea. Well, you have to say, Theo, that Bettia and Quakmybush are surely going to walk this one – it’s a big gap from the World Cup 33 co-hosts to 41st-ranked Northern Caesarea.”

“The fourth seeds are…. Estresse Intenso, and Basil, I think they could well be challenging for a playoff spot.”

“Finally, the fifth through seventh seeds are… Lovisa, Baptism of Fire Champions Kiryu-Shi, who you’d have to think might be an outside chance for a playoff spot on current form, and finally the unranked unknowns of Gnejs.”

“And again, Basil, Bettia and Quakmybush should walk this – the easiest group for the top two seeds so far. Hard to predict the playoff qualifier, though I suspect we might see both Estresse Intenso and Kiryu-Shi do better than expected.

Bettia
Quakmybush
Northern Caesarea
Estresse Intenso
Lovisa
Kiryu-Shi
Gnejs

“Moving on to group 4, Theo, and the first name out of the hat is….. Wentland! This could be a tough group, Theo – after years of frustration, the Swifts are finally coming good…”

[As Basil and Theo are distracted by talking to the crowd, a small naked figure runs behind them, snatching one of the bowls]

“And the second seed is….. erm…. We seem to have lost the second seed bowl. Oh dear. Has anyone seen…. Ah. We’re looking at you, Az-cz delegation. It won’t do you any good to take that gold back to Az-cz, you know – it would turn to lead the moment you returned home. What’s that? Yes… Of course… I’ve just been told that unless the responsible member of the Az-cz delegation returns the second seed bowl, the entire Az-cz team will be forced to wear clothes for the rest of the World Cup – we’re all for respecting cultural traditions here, but we don’t have a kleptochase league in….”

[Gnome sheepishly walks up to the stage, returning bowl]

“Thank you. And you’re quite sure all of the balls are in the bowl? Yes? Right. Moving along…. The second seed, Basil, is Errinundera! Popular team in the Holy Empire, the potoroos, as you can tell by the cheering. That’s a tough first and second seed for the lower-ranked teams to match…”

“And now the third seed, Theo…. Vilita! This is proving to be a tough group. The Vilitans may have slipped a bit in recent years, but they’re still dangerous.”

“Now for the fourth seed… Haraki! Another old-timer, though one that’s slipped further than Vilita, and the weakest of the fourth seeds – but no one should underestimate them”

“The Fifth seed are… Swilatia! This is a tough group, Theo. And rounding out the group are newcomers SS Oaklands and Netherwallop.”

“This is a tough group, Basil. The Swifts and Potoroos are the clear favourites, but if they fight each other to a standstill, Vilita are more than capable of sneaking into the top two. Haraki and Swilatia are the sort of teams that can cause problems if they’re underestimated, and SS Oaklands were one of the better BoF squads. Just about the only predictable part of group 4 is that Netherwallop will, well, be walloped into the group’s nether regions.”

Wentland
Errinundera
Vilita
Haraki
Swilatia
SS Oaklands
Netherwallop

“Moving on to group 5, Theo, and the team out of the first bowl is… Demot! The big surprise from World Cup 33 will be looking to demonstrate that their previous performance was no fluke.”

“The second team is…. Cafundéu! That’s a rising nation with a very strong football culture, and they’ll be more than ready to knock Demot off their perch if the top seeds slip up.”

“Next Theo, we have… Fmjphoenix! The Vikings are another once-proud team that have slipped of late, and they’ll keep the top two on their toes.”

“Nice alliteration, Basil.”

“Thanks Big T – now what about the fourth seed?”

“The fourth seeds are…. The Boyars of Magnus Valerius! Another popular team in the Holy Empire, where we always have a soft spot for fellow Orthodox monarchies. No doubt we’d be backing them even further if they draw one of the anti-religion teams…”

“What, like Atheistic Right?”

“Or some such, Basil.”

“The fifth seeds, then, are… Atheistic Right! Oooooooooh. Could be some tension there, Theo.”

“The sixth seeds are Ulzaxid – the BoF runners up, Basil, if memory serves, so this is proving to be an intriguing group”

“And the final seeds… well…. Usually you’d think an unranked team would be a bunch of no-hopers, but this group’s seventh seeds are St Samuel, a new team that’s been showing some potential in friendlies, Theo.”

“Another unpredictable group, Basil – certainly you’d put money on Demot and Cafundeu topping the group, but I’d say that any of the other five teams are in with a chance of a playoff spot.”

Demot
Cafundéu
Fmjphoenix
Magnus Valerius
Atheistic Right
Ulzaxid
St Samuel

“Let’s move right along to group six, Theo…. And the first name out of the hat – or, rather, bowl – is… Jeruselem! And they seem to be very popular with the CSB’s main fan base and… oh dear… Whose idea was it to seat the Jeruselem delegation next to the Archregimancy delegation anyway? Seems we’re having a minor scuffle between the President of the Dazza Dallas International Fan Club and the current chair of the Synodical Office for Moral Enlightenment. Break it up boys…. No need to get rough… Here…. Why don’t we put the Bazalonians inbetween you. Much better.”

“And the second seeds in the group are Sel Appa. I’ll admit I find it hard to warm to them, Basil, but no doubt the Turtles have their supporters – though as the weakest of the second seeds, they can’t afford to relax.”

“The third seeds, then are… Short and curly… no, errr Skortattascanni… erm… Score the goalie, errr…”

“I believe the third seeds are Schorteskatascansolani, Basil.”

“So they are! Right. Of course.”

“And the fourth seeds are the robots from the HURD, Basil”

“In fifth place in group six are…. Raging Penguins! I’m sure their haters back home will be delighted to see that the Team stand almost no chance of qualifying for the cup proper.”

“Say, Basil, just where is the Penguin delegation anyway?”

“Couldn’t be bothered showing up, Theo. Something about ‘rampant murderous hatred of the Team makes it inappropriate for anyone to show any interest’”

“Their problem. And the last two teams in group six are… the Macabees and Oglethorpia, both of whom – especially the ostriches – have past form, but neither of whom have done – if I can speak frankly – bugger all for years.”

“It’s a weak group, Theo. Jeruselem should coast. Sel Appa and Schorteskatascansolani will fight it out for the second automatic qualification position, and it’s hard to see the other teams mounting a serious challenge. Though the HURD – Penguin match should at least be interesting.”

Jeruselem
Sel Appa
Schorteskatascansolani
The HURD
Raging Penguins
The Macabees
Oglethorpia

“And halfway through the draw, Basil, let’s take a short break to acknowledge the rich literary tradition of the Holy Empire. Theatre and film have always been popular in the Empire, and it’s with great pride that we are able to bring you tonight excerpts from famous director Manuel Lascaro’s new film interpretation of the classic Imperial play ‘The Borderer of Double Stock’…..”

[A massive screen appears at the rear of the stage. Cut to what appears to be a slumber party featuring several scantily clad nubile blondes, who are having a pillow fight. Several strapping young shirtless studs enter the room, and – for no real apparent reason – start kissing the blondes, some of whom are now topless. For even less apparent reason, the eyes of the studs suddenly start glowing red, and they start to rip the heads off the blondes, blood and gore spurting everywhere. A bikini-clad brunette swings through the window, breaking the glass, while wielding a bazooka - which she proceeds to fire at the studs, shouting…]

“Eat hot projectile, evil alien scum! This one’s for Bambi!”

[The screen suddenly goes dark]

“Errr…. Apologies there, everyone. That wasn’t Maestro Lascaro’s new interpretation of ‘the Borderer of Double Stock’ – looks to me as if it was his early infamous international blockbuster ‘Hot Bisexual Teenage Cheerleader Sluts Battle Evil Alien Zombie Studs’.”

“Perhaps we should just move right along to group 7, Basil?”

“Perhaps we should, Theo…. The first seed in group 7 is….. Squornshelous – the third-best team in the world, and surely one of the early favourites for this World Cup”

“Wouldn’t want to be drawn against them, Basil, but drawn against them indeed are second seeds…. Qazox – there’ll be a lot of people praying to the Holy Oxen in Qazox tonight.”

“The third seeds are…. Nedalia! The lions have been uncharacteristically quiet of late, Theo, and are one of the weakest of the third seeds, but don’t count them out just yet.”

“The fourth seeds are…. Oh my…. Zwangzug – the nation that provided all of the organisational software for this tournament, and the best of the fourth seeds. The race for a playoff spot’s going to be very, very tight here, Basil.”

“And the last three teams are… Algal States, St Pauls Isle, and Ghost Tigers Rise. Well, Theo, you’d have to say that none of those three look like challenging for the top three spots. Squornshelous and Qazox look too good to slip up, but I wouldn’t want to predict which team out of Nedalia and Zwangzug will make the playoffs.

Squornshelous
Qazox
Nedalia
Zwangzug
Algal States
St Pauls Isle
Ghost Tigers Rise

“Which means group 8 must be next, Basil! The first seeds this time are…. Geisenfried! A team that’ve come from almost nowhere to a top ten ranking very quickly.”

“The second seeds are… Elves Security Forces – another team that’s been on the rise of late, and quite capable of challenging for top spot.”

“Third seeds….. Green Wombat, Basil – a squad that seems to have spent forever in mid-ranked respectability. I expect nothing else this time.”

“Next up are Quintessance of Dust, one of the weaker fourth seeds.”

“And the remaining teams, Basil, are Aurendia… British Londinium…. And Cookborough….”

“And I have to say, Theo – no disrespect to the lower-ranked teams – that this doesn’t really look like an exciting group. I can’t see anyone giving the top two problems, and whomever finishes in third will surely be one of the weaker playoff teams.”

Geisenfried
Elves Security Forces
Green Wombat
Quintessance of Dust
Aurendia
British Londinium
Cookborough

“And now, group 9, Basil…. And the first name out of the bowl is…. The Lowland Clans! The Clans are perennial underachievers, but they’ve been showing signs recently of considerably improved form. No one should underestimate them.”

“The second seeds are… Starblaydia!”

[massive cheering from just about everyone]

“This is the last ever world cup for Starblaydia, Theo, and despite a loss of form from past triumphs, they’ll be the sentimental favourites of a lot of neutrals out there – including most of the people here in the Hippodrome from the sounds of things.”

“The third seeds are…. Assegai Developments! I think a lot of people will be underestimating the Riskbreakers, Basil – they’re the second-best of the third seeds in the tournament, and more than capable of an upset. It’s their misfortune, however, to be drawn in a group where almost noone will want to see them slip past the sentimental favourites in second.”

“The fourth seeds are…. Marceau State. Solid mid-ranked team, but I can’t see them threatening the top three.”

“And the last three teams, Basil, are…. Kericia…. Alexandrian Ptolemais…. And finally, American Fist. And as you just said, I can see the fourth through seventh seeds threatening the top three here. The Clans, Starblaydia and the Riskbreakers shouldn’t face any real problems.

The Lowland Clans
Starblaydia
Assegai Developments
Marceau State
Kericia
Alexandrian Ptolemais
American Fist

“We interrupt the World Cup draw for a public service announcement. Would the Turruth Gordur delegation please return the fireworks to the Hippodrome storeroom. These are intended as post-draw entertainment, not as weapons. Any attempt to cause mayhem, death and devastation with the fireworks will result in your immediate deportation from the Dreamed Realm. Thank you.”

“Group 10, Theo?”

“Of course, Basil! The first seeds are.... Rejistania! One of the more consistent teams of recent years, they’re almost always at the business end of the World Cup when it counts.”

“And the second seeds are.... Milchama! Tough 1-2 combination there, Theo – there’s less than one full ranking point between the two.”

“Which might make things difficult for the third seeds, who are.... Sativaville! Well, against Rejistania and Milchama, I can’t see the Stoners breaking through to automatic qualification this year.”

“And the fourth seeds, Theo, are.... Bostopia! Oh, tough draw, Bostopia. Still, I’d say a playoff spot’s within reach there.”

“Drawing the fifth seeds.... Acapais! The best of the fifth seeds! Well, if the top two are tough here, the third through fifth-seeds will be fighting it out tooth and nail.”

“And the final two teams, Theo, are.... Kingsford.... and Nerotika.”

“Another potentially tough group, this, Basil. Rejistania and Milchama are clear favourites, but there are three teams vying for that crucial playoff spot, all three of which are also capable of upsetting one of the top two on their day.”

Rejistania
Milchama
Sativaville
Bostopia
Acapais
Kingsford
Nerotika

“Moving on to group 11, Theo.... It has to be either Schiavonia or Az-cz in first, and it’s... Schiavonia! Quality side, Schiavonia.”

“And the second seeds are.... Bazalonia! The second-best of the second seeds, so that’s yet another tough 1-2 combination at the top of group 11.”

“And the third seeds are.... Fort Europe! And they’re the weakest of the third seeds, so that could really open up the playoff spot, even if it threatens to make the top two qualifiers a little predictable.”

“I’d say, Basil, because the fourth seeds are Bushes Been Quaked, who are one of the best of the fourth seeds. Could be another fight for third here.”

“And the last three teams are.... Okielahoma, Random Toast, and debutantes J-Man2k7.”

“Well, Basil, it’s another case of the top two are probably safe, but there might be a terrible dogfight for third.”

Schiavonia
Bazalonia
Fort Europe
Bushes Been Quaked
Okielahoma
Random Toast
J-Man2k7

“And that just leaves us with group 12, Theo, and with only one ball left in each bowl, group 12 obviously looks like:”

Az-cz
Oliverry
Ropa-Topia
Dance 2 Revolution
Cookesland
Kampfers
Junista

“I can’t see Az-cz having any problems with that draw, Basil, but I wouldn’t be surprised to see a possible surprise in second or third, despite the long Frenchie footballing tradition.”

“And that concludes the World Cup 34 draw! We hope you’ve enjoyed yourselves as much as we have, and there’s only one way to end tonight’s show…. FIREWORKS!”

[A genuinely spectacular firework display begins. A stray falling rocket hits one of the stage supports towards the end, causing the stage to collapse in a mighty cloud of dust and wreckage as Ariddian and Imperial FA officials (including Tzimisces) run for their lives. No one is hurt, and Basil and Theo simply stand nonchalantly in the middle of the stage, covered in white dust, and gently brushing off the debris. They casually walk from the remains of the stage]

“Thought that went rather well, Basil…”

“Yes, must do it again sometime, Theo – capital entertainment…. Incidentally, where did you say the CSB’s dressing room is?”

Qazox

11-04-2007, 06:28

QSPNFootball.com Report

Breaking News: WORLD CUP 34 QUALIFING DRAW

Just a few minutes ago, the Qualifing Draw for World Cup 34 concluded. While due to the irregularities of the Dreamed Realm, we were unable to carry the draw live, as done inthe past, we have the current draw(teams listed as seeded) and schedule for Qazox:

GROUP 7
Squornshelous
Qazox
Nedalia
Zwangzug
Algal States
St Pauls Isle
Ghost Tigers Rise

Day 1
vs Ghost Tigers Rise
Day 2
@ St Pauls Isle
Day 3
vs. Sqournshelous
Day 4
@ Zwangzug
Day 5
BYE
Day 6
vs. Algal States
Day 7
@ Nedalia
Day 8
@ Ghost Tigers Rise
Day 9
vs. St Pauls Isle
Day 10
@ Sqournshelous
Day 11
vs. Zwangzug
Day 12
BYE
Day 13
@ Algal States
Day 14
vs. Nedalia

As usuall all home matches will be played at Estadia Pika Capacity: 78,625, in Pika City. A current picture below is of the stadium:

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/d/d5/Rfkstadewashnational.png/800px-Rfkstadewashnational.png

A press conference, is scheduled for noon, later today, where Head Coach Fernando Turek will answer questions about the draw and the schedule.

Bettia

11-04-2007, 10:28

The Enlightener: we're so gorgeous
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y231/bettia/FAB.jpg

The Defence Starts Here

Yes, that's right - for the first time in many a year, the Aroras will set out to defend - defend their World Cup that is!!

After much anticipation, the draw for the qualifying rounds has finally been made, and the boys in green and gold have been drawn into a rather interesting group which contains a number of links to previous cups. So, who stand in the way of Bettia and a trip to either Ariddia or Alasdair I Frosticus?
Quakmybush
Head-to-Head Record:
Played: 2
Won: 1
Drawn: 1
Goals Scored: 4
Goals Conceded: 3
Fixtures:
Matchday 3 - Away
Matchday 10 - Home

After not being able to enjoy the hospitality of these co-hosts of WC33, Bettia finally get to make the shortish trip to fellow AOians Quakmybush. Their previous World Cup meeting came back in WC30 where they were drawn together in Group D, where they fought out a 2-2 draw. Soon after that came a 2-1 win for the Aroras in AOCAF 18. It's fair to say that both teams have improved considerably since then, so we can expect some cracking games both home and away.

Northern Caesarea
Head-to-Head Record:
Played: 2
Won: 2
Goals Scored: 7
Goals Conceded: 1
Fixtures:
Matchday 6 - Away
Matchday 13 - Home

One of two teams that Bettia faced in qualifying last time round, with Bettia doing the double over their opponents. The Aroras will surely need to keep this 100% record going if they are to take control of this group.

Estresse Intenso
Head-to-Head Record:
Played: 0
Fixtures:
Matchday 5 - Home
Matchday 12 - Away

Cafundéu's poor relatives who, for various reasons, have been placed into secure accomodation for their own good. Their stadium is unique, insofar that it isn't actually a stadium but a basement with spectators watching the game in a special room with a 200 million capacity. Expect a mass exodus of Bettian fans to see the away game, hopefully with none of them needing therapy afterwards.

Lovisa
Head-to-Head Record:
Played: 4
Won: 2
Drawn: 1
Lost: 1
Goals Scored: 6
Goals Conceded: 5
Fixtures:
Matchday 7 - Home
Matchday 14 - Away

The second of the teams that the Aroras faced in WC33. The history between these teams goes way back to World Cup 23, in the days when Lovisa were the giants of world football and Bettia were the young upstarts. My, how the tables have turned. Lovisa were another of the teams that Bettia did the double over in WC33 qualifying, and once again this is a feat that needs repeating.

Kiryu-Shi
Head-to-Head Record:
Played: 0
Fixtures:
Matchday 1 - Home
Matchday 8 - Away

Although the two teams have never met, this opening day fixture will have something of interest for the neutral spectator - the reigning Baptism of Fire holders taking on the reigning World Cup holders and former BofF holders. Recent history tells us the BofF champs tend to do well in their first world cup qualifying campaign - who can forget the heroics of our puppets Northern Bettia with their, shall we say interesting tactics? Could this be a potential shock? Kiryu-Shi will be well up for this game, and the Aroras will need to be in the right mindset if they are to avoid getting egg on their face.

Gnejs
Head-to-Head Record:
Played: 0
Fixtures:
Matchday 4 - Away
Matchday 11 - Home

The only unranked team in this group, Gnejs will really be jumping in at the deep end here. Anything less than six points will be a major blow.
So, the preparations are almost over, the fuse has been lit (literally), so it's time to stand back and enjoy yet another roller-coaster ride that is a World Cup. Can the Aroras retain their crown? Only time will tell...

Fixtures / Results

MD..OPPONENT................VENUE...RESULT

Qualifying Group 3

01: Kiryu-Shi...............HOME....
02: BYE
03: Quakmybush..............Away....
04: Gnejs...................Away....
05: Estresse Intenso........HOME....
06: Northern Caesarea.......Away....
07: Lovisa..................HOME....
08: Kiryu-Shi...............Away....
09: BYE
10: Quakmybush..............HOME....
11: Gnejs...................HOME....
12: Estresse Intenso........Away....
13: Northern Caesarea.......HOME....
14: Lovisa..................Away....

Bettian WC34 Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12490408&postcount=33)

Fort Europe

11-04-2007, 11:08

RATH 'SOHNA XUIL NATHA VHARC
BACK AGAIN WITH A VENGEANCE

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/fort_europe.png

Report by Amy Bystander, Commonwealth News.

That's right, it's back. The draw for the 34th NationStates World Cup took place just a few hours ago, watched eagerly by billions all across NationStates, and especially in the Commonwealth where two nations are now competing in the tournament. Fort Europe however are the team with most focus, drawn in the third seed lot for the first time in their history they will be looking to impress and make it into the automatic qualification places of Group 11.

Fort Europe will however be up against some tough opposition once again with Schiavonia drawn in the same group as the Angels for the second tournament in succession. Bazalonia and puppet nation Bushes Been Quaked are also top quality sides who are expected to challenge for top spot at every opportunity. Okliehoma are a relatively unknown quantity in this group while the plucky little toasted toast like team from Random Toast, the burger loving nation from The YoungWorld region are back for more punishment. J-Man2k7 being the only team unmentioned so far in Group 11, and not expected to be a problem after a poor performance in the Baptism of Fire.

Fort Europe fans however may be concerned with their own team however, with several new additions to the team untested at this level and a new manager in Shaun Miller it could take a while for the team to find their feet again. The players have of course been hard in training with the national squad since the end of this cycles domestic season in preparation for the tournament. Also ahead of this World Cup the Fort Europe National Council and the the Commonwealth Sports Council have invested in revamping the facilities at the Commonwealth Stadium, Fort Europe's national stadium, and constructed a massive complex outside the stadium which includes a new Theme Park, museum and several large screens for supporters who are unable to acquire tickets into the 125,000 all seater stadium it's self.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/Football/CitadelStadium2_RCC.jpg
The Commonwealth Stadium in all it's glory

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/Football/001444.jpg
It ended 2 - 1 last time Schiavonia played Fort Europe

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/Football/0026.jpg
End of an era - fair well to Tim Forrester
Fort Europe's team captain retired at last.

Bazalonia

11-04-2007, 13:05

“Oh, Great. The President of the international fan Club of Dazza Dallas on one side and the Chair of the Synodical Office for Moral Enlightenment on the other.”

“But the chair is exactly the same as the many others in this stadium…” his friend who just happened to be female stammered.

“Ugh, Chair as in Chairperson.”

“Hey, why are you looking at me like that?! … no, I am not a member of the Dazza Dallas Interrnational Fan Club. I’m just here to watch the show. Really? well I’ll certaintly look into that.” She said to the person next to her who happened to be the president of the Dazza Dallas international Fan Club.

“Do you even know who Dazza Dallas is, I mean it’s not like you ever paid attention to BazSports.”

“Yes, I do and no. I’m not going to join, I don’t like the concept of being publicly nude. Anyway, I was given a lovely suggestion for muffins I was planning to cook. Anyway so what group are we upto now?”

“Group 5 was just announced, Magnus Valerius are facing Atheistic Right. That should be somewhat comical, particularily if they follow their religious conspiracy pattern of last World Cup.”

“So what now… Hey, is that what I think it is?!”

“What?”

“Hooray for Everything. On that banner over there” She pointed to te banner.

“Oh, reminds me of one of those singing groups, you know like the Wobblies. I think there’re called Hooray for Everthing.”

“Oh, so what now… It’s Group 10 and We still have not been announced. Is Bazalonia even in the draw??” And it was at this point that the stadium became decked out in the Colours of Bazalonia. Black and Gold, the national colours as Bazalonia was read out.”

“So does that answer your question?” the man said.

“Okay, Okay. So so Far Schiavonia, Bazalonia, Fort Europe, Bushes Been Quaked, Okielahoma, Random Toast, J-Man2k7”

“Interesting Facts… Schiavonia and Bazalonia played in the same BoF together and Fort Europe and Random Toast played their BoFs in Bazalonia.”

“So What’s happening now?”

The show is just about to wind up… I hope the people from Turruth Gordur return those fireworks. Fireworks always are nice. Yes indeed so they are…
And yes as indeed they were and the colours where shown.

“See that green one, theres some copper in that. That’s how they get the green colour… oh and that purple one that’s…

The conversation trailed off,

The next day in Bazalonia BazSports ran highlights from the draw including scheduling for the Bazalopes matches.

Day 1
Schiavonia v Random Toast
Bazalonia v J-Man2k7
Fort Europe v Bushes Been Quaked
Okielahoma: BYE

Day 2
Random Toast v Bazalonia
J-Man2k7 v Fort Europe
Bushes Been Quaked v Okielahoma
Schiavonia: BYE

Day 3
Bazalonia v Schiavonia
Fort Europe v Okielahoma
Random Toast v J-Man2k7
Bushes Been Quaked: BYE

Day 4
J-Man2k7 v Schiavonia
Bushes Been Quaked v Bazalonia
Okielahoma v Random Toast
Fort Europe: BYE

Day 5
Schiavonia v Bushes Been Quaked
Random Toast v Fort Europe
Okielahoma v J-Man2k7
Bazalonia: BYE

Day 6
Fort Europe v Schiavonia
J-Man2k7 v Bushes Been Quaked
Bazalonia v Okielahoma
Random Toast: BYE

Day 7
Schiavonia v Okielahoma
Fort Europe v Bazalonia
Bushes Been Quaked v Random Toast
J-Man2k7: BYE

Day 8
Random Toast v Schiavonia
J-Man2k7 v Bazalonia
Bushes Been Quaked v Fort Europe
Okielahoma: BYE

Day 9
Bazalonia v Random Toast
Fort Europe v J-Man2k7
Okielahoma v Bushes Been Quaked
Schiavonia: BYE

Day 10
Schiavonia v Bazalonia
Okielahoma v Fort Europe
J-Man2k7 v Random Toast
Bushes Been Quaked: BYE

Day 11
Schiavonia v J-Man2k7
Bazalonia v Bushes Been Quaked
Random Toast v Okielahoma
Fort Europe: BYE

Day 12
Bushes Been Quaked v Schiavonia
Fort Europe v Random Toast
J-Man2k7 v Okielahoma
Bazalonia: BYE

Day 13
Schiavonia v Fort Europe
Bushes Been Quaked v J-Man2k7
Okielahoma v Bazalonia
Random Toast: BYE

Day 14
Okielahoma v Schiavonia
Bazalonia v Fort Europe
Random Toast v Bushes Been Quaked
J-Man2k7: BYE

However even BazSports failed to do what they normally do and just gave the people the bare facts, including rankings and KPB points. Things were happening, somehow even the people at BazSports had fallen to this curse of Apathy.

Eitherway, everyone internationally was expecting the Bazalopes to have a relatively easy passage into the World Cup group stage. Coud WC34 be the first time that the Bazalopes get past the Round of 16?

No one knew and no one in Bazalonia particularily cared.

Okielahoma

11-04-2007, 13:09

Adam: Welcome to world cup chat everyone i'm Adam Sanders and here is the new guy!

Phil: Im Phil Bernstein and whats up!

Adam: And this year we have made a new resoultion!

Phil: Yes thats right, Adam and I will do every show either drunk or high! Yeah! *Lightes bong*

Adam: We've been given special government permission to smoke weed! Yes! *Lightes bong*

Phil: So now that we are completely stoned, lets get to the group draws shall we? Sounds like a plan alright, here we go:

1
Commerce Heights
Tynelia
Yafor 2
Rorysville
East Lithuania
West Pasco
United Island Empires

2
The Archregimancy
Turori
Northern Bettia
Commerce Heights JSY
Turruth Gordur
Mekhule
Holweg

3
Bettia
Quakmybush
Northern Caesarea
Estresse Intenso
Lovisa
Kiryu-Shi
Gnejs

4
Wentland
Errinundera
Vilita
Haraki
Swilatia
SS Oaklands
Netherwallop

5
Demot
Cafundéu
Fmjphoenix
Magnus Valerius
Atheistic Right
Ulzaxid
St Samuel

6
Jeruselem
Sel Appa
Schorteskatascansolani
The HURD
Raging Penguins
The Macabees
Oglethorpia

7
Squornshelous
Qazox
Nedalia
Zwangzug
Algal States
St Pauls Isle
Ghost Tigers Rise

8
Geisenfried
Elves Security Forces
Green Wombat
Quintessance of Dust
Aurendia
British Londinium
Cookborough

9
The Lowland Clans
Starblaydia
Assegai Developments
Marceau State
Kericia
Alexandrian Ptolemais
American Fist

10
Rejistania
Milchama
Sativaville
Bostopia
Acapais
Kingsford
Nerotika

11
Schiavonia
Bazalonia
Fort Europe
Bushes Been Quaked
Okielahoma
Random Toast
J-Man2k7

12
Az-cz
Oliverry
Ropa-Topia
Dance 2 Revolution
Cookesland
Kampfers
Junista

Adam: Alright now lets break down group 11! How about it eh? *takes puff*

Phil: Ok Schiavonia is a dangerous team, I beleive they were in our draw back in world cup 31 am I right?

Adam: You're right

Phil: Any way this is a talented squad who knows how to play, no doubt, FO sho.

Adam: I'll second that and we'll move on to Bazalonia. The Bazalopes are an excellent team, they could challenge for #1 out of this group.

Phil: Excellent point there Adam, but I'm going to stick with Schiavonia on this one, I think they are the clear favorite to win this group.

Adam: Next up is Fort Europe, a relatively new team but not new to sucess. I beleive they were either Baptism of Fire runner ups or winners a few years back.

Phil: Alright folks we are going to take a quick break and send you to the opening ceremonies of qualification, with all teams gathered in Ariddia.

Announcer: Now entering the stadium, Bostopia!

Adam: Alright here it comes! Yes, yes yes! Okiean fans are throwing bloody tampons at the Bostopians!

Phil: You gotta love rowdy rednecks Adam!

Adam: Yessir Phil, theres nothing like a drunk redneck lobbing bloddy tampons at the opposing team.

Announcer: Now entering the stadium, Sel Appa!

Everyone: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Adam: Alright, the Sel Appa squad is being booed by everyone in the stands and their squad is being pelted by razor blades!

Phil: What good, clean family fun this is Adam!

Adam: Right you are! Anyway back to the group preview after that entertainment. Bushes Been Quaked is a fair squad, not to sure on the name though. Between Quakmybush and Bushes Been Quaked there are a lot of bushes here, although im not sure if any of them are shaved/

Phil: Lets hope they are Adam! Anyway no one in the world has ever heard of Random Toast of J-man2k7, so what the fuck!

Adam: Oh, we are out of time folks!

Phil: We'll see you next time and until then, keep your stick on the ice!

Az-cz

11-04-2007, 13:25

To the Host Committee and Participating World Cup Nations:

We in Az-cz resent the allegations that someone from our nation took part in the stealing of anything from the draw ceremony. While we will freely admit that a gnome was involved it was not our doing in anyway. No one on the small delegation that traveled to the dream realm was involved. The gnome on the stage was not in the recorded list of travellers to the dream realm. Furthermore we would like to clear up a misconception about theft in Az-cz. Yes we are a nation of robbers, but we as a society don't partake in theft for individual gain, by and large. We mostly take part in theft to cure societal injustice. If you remember from last cup every single Ex-gx of proceeds went to charity from the thefts there, which weren't government endorsed. Furthermore we wouldn't steal anything as audacious and tacky as gold balls, which wouldn't be considered special or valuable in Az-cz anyways. And we know the limitations of the dream realm having recieved a present from the Archregimancy and having visited the Holy Empire before. Perhaps it was a hoax perpetrated by the hosts or the rumored oneiromancer, but either way Az-cz wasn't involved.

Noz-Tf
President Az-cz Football Federation

Jeruselem

11-04-2007, 13:39

<Dazza Dallas, a small girl who looks like Dazza and Kate Bush>

Little girl: Hi, I'm Kate Dallas! This is THE FOOTBALL LIFE!
Dazza: That's my little girl, I'm the Village Bike. Oh, the Jeruselem coach too. OK, she's a little bike.
Kate: I'm Kate Bush, not Kate Dallas. I'm the assistant coach of the Crusaders.

Dazza: The groups have been drawn and well, we got bunch of strangers after being placed in Group six. I'm pretty happy!
Kate: Yes, me too. We got a nice group.
Dazza: Of the seven teams in Group 6, we have played Sel Appa and The Macabees. The others, we have no idea! And one team, is well unspellabable. I think people who this team is.

Kate: Sel Appa, the Turtles. We played them in two friendies in Jeruselem just lately and well, one draw and one thumping win. They are our biggest threat and can beat us, if we play below par. We can't underestimate them, but we are confident we can beat them as we have beaten them before.
Dazza: Sel Appans are really nice people. Nothing personal against them.

Kate: The next seed, a team called ... damn, how to say that Dazza?
Dazza: Err, don't ask me. I keep on stuffing it up.
Little girl: Schorteskatascansolani!
Dazza: Good girl, she has a future on TV indeed. Yes, that team are 3rd best seeds and should do well in a group lacking big guns. I think this err team should fight with Sel Appa for the 2nd spot.
Little girl: Schorteskatascansolani! Funny name

Kate: A team called err, the HURD.
Dazza: Spelt H U R D not H E A R D or H E R D, I don't much about them but being 4rd best ranked, we have to some more research about them.
Little girl: They have herd of players, not a team (giggles)
Kate: Oh boy, she's got your sense of humour Dazza.
Dazza: Good thing then eh?

Kate: Let's see, the next team is the Raging Penguins. A team with character!
Dazza: Very interesting team with a very interest name. I don't they will qualify though.
Kate: Not with Sel Appa and err, that team. The HURD aren't bad so the penguins will need to do well.
Little girl: I like that name.

Kate: The Macabees are back and ranked really low. Fellow Jewry but Jeruselem have always proven the better team.
Dazza: Yes, rebuilding and well - expect them to grace the floor.
Little girl: They aren't those Jewish rebels?
Dazza: No Kate, another country.

Kate: And Oglethorpia, I think we've played them. Maybe.
Dazza: If we have, they shouldn't bother us.
Kate: All in all, not bad for us. OK, Kate what's the order?
Little girl: Mum's team, Sel Appa and Schorteskatascansolani.
Kate: Eh, how does she know how say that word?

Dazza: Don't ask me. Ok, Kate - who's the World Champion
Little girl: Bettia! The betterest team in the world
Dazza: Yes, our friends from Bettia are Group 3. Along with the fine teams from Quakmybush, Northern Caesarea, Estresse Intenso and Lovisa as well as two unknowns Kiryu-Shi and Gnejs.
Kate: I think it's going to be Bettia, Quakmybush and Northern Caesarea in the top 3 but I think Estresse Intenso will be dark horse.
Dazza: Same here and Bettia will top the group. The Quaks should take 2nd as Northern Caesarea are always having near misses. Personally I like the Quaks.

Kate: And Nedalia! Placed in Group 7.
Dazza: Nasty group for the Lions! You have Squornshelous, Qazox and Zwangzug with Algals States, St Pauls Isle and some weird team called Ghost Tigers Rise. Now, Qazox beat us THREE ONE in a friendly and Squornshelous are a world cup champ. The Lions will need to start well and just keep on going.
Kate: Yes, a hard road for the Lions. Let hope they can make it.

Little girl: I like the Lions! I want them to roar.
Kate: Your Kate is weird as you Dazza.
Dazza: She learns from the best. A TV star already.

Kate: Well, that's it from the first FOOTBALL LIFE. Dinkie and Monique are taking over when it's starting. In the future, you are not going see Kate Bush on TV, it's going to Kate Dallas here.
Little girl: As Mum says, on ya bike! I'm Kate, she's Kate and it's goodnight. Mum can I sing a song?
Dazza: Go ahead, as long as it's not offensive.

Little girl:
"My name is Kate. I'm Dazza's little girl! Everyone in the world knows my Mum, who looks really dumb but has lots of fun. She's really bad and but loves my Dad. She's really naughty, being really nudey on the TV. She's a sinner but not a loser. I love her, because she's still my Mum."

Alasdair I Frosticus

11-04-2007, 13:56

OOC: My nation is spelled Okielahoma not Okliehoma:p.

OOC: Sincere apologies - changed throughout in first two posts.

It might be worth checking whether this is listed correctly in the KPB rankings since that's where I took nation spellings from (though equally I could just have made a mistake).

We in Az-cz resent the allegations that someone from our nation took part in the stealing of anything from the draw ceremony.

OOC2: Hope you didn't mind too much, Az! Just a bit of harmless fun and attempt to add some colour - and you are of course, as you indeed did, free to deny any actual connection between the thieving gnome and your official delegation.

Bostopia

11-04-2007, 15:31

The Bostopian delegation – comprised of leading FA members, Emperor Boston, and his wife, Empress Christine, were sat in pitch-seating area, facing the stage from a centre-right sort of position. Which was good, because it gave the Emperor a chance to have a good stare at the other delegations, and give a quick wave to anyone he recognised.

“the Holy Empire and Ariddia are proud to bring you…”

The floodlights in the stadium flash on, and the Emperor stands up, waving the Bostopian flag rather maniacally, making “woo” noises at the same time, much to the embarrassment of the FA, while his Empress roots around in her handbag trying not to let anyone see her strange sense of pride in that man with the huge flag.

“THE WORLD CUP DRAW!!!”

Moments later, after Basil and Theo had introduced themselves – ignoring a cry of “you guys rock!” from the Bostopian delegation – the girl group “Cheap Slutty Bimbos” came on stage, with the Official World Cup 34 song ‘Don’tcha Wish Your Team Could Score With Me’. Appaled looks went up from the whole of the Bostopian delegation, with the Emperor commenting that it was bands and acts like this that lead to higher teenage pregnancy rates in most countries across the world. Fortunately, Channel 9 had been pre-warned of this, and so cut to a commercial break.

[Boston] Well, I would have expected much better off a Holy Empire.

[Christine] Totally.

Another informed response from the Empress.

Moments passed, and the Emperor was engrossed listening to the joke being told by Basil, while most of the audience looked on disgusted.

“…the stinky cheese and the gorilla!”

The Emperor was laughing hysterically, so much so he was stamping his foot on the floor, with only a few others in the crowd laughing.

The draw had started, and the crowd fell into a hushed silence, with the exceptions being each FA cheering their side’s announcement.

“The second seeds in the group are Sel Appa. I’ll admit I find it hard to warm to them, but no doubt the Turtles have their supporters…”

[Boston] Yeah, six bloody million of them in my country. Christ...

A large proportion of the audience turned and looked at the Emperor

[Christine] Ooh, you had better think fast

[Boston] urr…please give us a good draw for the World Cup…amen.
The surrounding audience looked partially satisfied, and the Emperor gave his wife a sheepish “whoops” look.

After a couple other teams were pulled out, excerpts from a feature film came on.

[Boston] More smut!

[Christine] Like, it’s nothing worse than what we do when we argue.

[Boston] Since when would you hit me over the head with a pillow…or…rip my head off. I’m scared.

The Emperor pulled out a copy of the “Daily Mail”, the most popular newspaper in Bostopia, and started to attempt the crossword. It was such a good crossword that he carried on until Group 10 was being called.

[Christine] Like, why stop now?

[Boston] Because, there’s only three groups left, might as well pay attention.

[Christine] You missed the cheer for Starblaydia.

[Boston] I did not, I said “yay” and waved my flag a bit.

[Christine] Oh yeah, you nearly poked my eye out.

[Boston] Yep. Ooh, 3 down, dismembered.

“And the fourth seeds, Theo, are…Bostopia!”

The Bostopian FA rose to it’s feet and clapped, while the Emperor jumped up on his chair and started waving his flag in the sea of red, white and blue light billowing round the stadium.

[Boston] Woooo! Bostopiaaa! Wooooooo! Go Fighting Geesemonkies!

The delegation in front turned round and showed their disapproval of the Emperor’s high spirits. The Emperor rolled his eyes in return.

A minute or two after Okielahoma’s name was called out incorrectly, an announcement came over the stadium tannoy.

“Could whoever it is who is throwing peanuts at the Okiean delegation please refrain from doing so, or they will be ejected. Thank you.”

The Emperor laughed under his breath. Apparently his new portable-peanut-launching-system was working well.

[Boston] Right…where’s Oliverry?

While the Emperor was sorting out the trajectory, the World Cup Draw began coming to the end. The Emperor ignored the fireworks, reminding himself that those on Bostopia Day were likely to be better, and he began firing off bags of peanuts in the direction of the Oliverrian delegation.

A accented “oww” came up, and shortly after a shout of “c’est les Bostopies!” was heard. Fortunately, the Emperor could understand this.

[Boston] Do one!

And with that, he ran out of the stadium looking for the nearest portal.

Tynelia-Tessan

11-04-2007, 16:27

((ooc- can't sign in as Tynelia today so....))

“Today on our brand spankin’ new program ‘Sports Today’ its time to take a look at the draw for team Tynelia in their attempt to make it two in a row in World Cup 34. I’m Bill Jones along with Andrea Connolls. Things were over and done with pretty quick tonight with Tynelia being placed in group 1 right off the bat.”

“Indeed William, though of course it seems the national curse is in full effect. Naturally Tynelia finds itself up against the strongest third seed in the Cup while we ourselves are on the bottom half of the second seeds. Truly this team can never catch a break.”

“Well Andrea, and I told you, call me Bill, Commerce Heights, while a very strong team is in fact one of the lower top seeds in the twelve groups.”

“That means nothing William. A top ten team should do quite well against any team barely in the top thirty. Quite a simple task one might concur. It is those Yafor 2 folk and the Rorysville fellows that shall indeed be our greatest concern lest we find the team returning to its subpar ways of the past.”

“Bill, Andrea, Bill. But let’s not forget we faced Rorysville many times in the past and done well and we went 1-1-0 against Yafor 2, two cups ago when we faced them last. Of course they rebounded nicely last cup.”

“Indeed they did William and that is why they shall be such a challenge. Given the injury to William Jakes, Tynelia may not have the attack they once did and fall prey to a let down after last cup’s success.”

“Well that’s open to debate of course Andrea. Commerce Heights will be an interesting challenge as in now our eighth cup this will be the first time we’ve played each other, on the other hand this is the third go around with East Lithuania and twice with Yafor 2 and Rorysville- not counting our BoF match with Rorysville way back when. UIE at least I’ve heard of despite their team falling on hard times of late and West Pasco is fresh off the BoF. Like most experts I see this as a three team fight.”

“William, parroting what others have already said does not make your opinion any more valuable or insightful. All such picks are merely educated guesswork at best and in the end are relatively meaningless.”

“OK fine Andrea, let’s just end this now if all you’re going to do is toss snooty insults around. Here’s a quick look at where our home matches will be played at.

MD1- Tynelia v. UIE @ Sun Stadia
MD3- Tynelia v. CH @ Presidential Coliseum
MD6- Tynelia v. East Lithuania @ Sun Stadia
MD9- Tynelia v. West Pasco @ Ice Bowl
MD11- Tynelia v. Rorysville @ Presidential Coliseum
MD14- Tynelia v. Yafor 2 @ Presidential Coliseum

Schiavonia

11-04-2007, 16:58

The Schiavone Scribe
Squad Return Home!

The Schiavonia World Cup 33 squad eventually arrived home yesterday after being away for almost two years.

The squad arrived on a boat from The Islands of Qutar yesterday afternoon, after apparently turning up there for a game.

Team Manager Tony Tarmey explained in an address to the Schiavone people upon coming ashore:

"People of Schiavonia, we are glad to be home.

It would have been nice of you to tell us that you were going to move half way around the world to Atlantian Oceania, but we've found you eventually, and that's what's important.

In case you think we're going to be out of touch for the World Cup 34 Qualifiers coming up, we've got news for you. We're going to be back, better than ever. We're a top five team now, don't you know, and we've now developed a togetherness that we believe that no other team out there will have.

You see, we've been on the island of Race Track for the past couple of years, where we've been spending every day in each other's company, either bonding or practicing playing football.

Of course, not all the same players will be coming to this cup. Due to their amazing unity, we are going to stick with the core squad. However, Tarquin Freud, Marco Danzer, Ed Fielding, Alex Greene, Graeme Cotten and Arran Di Chula are a bit old now. They won't be coming with us.

Anyway, then we figured that it was almost time for this cup to start, so we did what Schiavone teams traditionally do before qualification, and that's travel to Qutar for practice. However, when we got there, we discovered that you'd moved in next door. Well, thanks for telling us!

It's a good job we're Schiavone, and we're forgiving types like that. Now hopefully we can do you all proud in this coming cup. Thank you!"

For the record, Schiavonia's main rivals during qualifying will be Bazalonia. Fort Europe will be making a welcome return to the KFS, while former regional nonentities Bushes Been Quaked and Okielahoma will see the Sloths return to The League twice. Random Toast will be Schiavonia's opening opponents, while the final team in the group appears to have been written in come sort of code. We'll tell you who they are when we figure it out. (Gesamtkunzwerk?)

Mekhule

11-04-2007, 17:11

FORWARD THINKING

Report by Anna Therone, Commonwealth news.

Mekhule triumphed in the Baptism of Fire in Cafundeu, taking third in what was believed to have been a fairly easy competition for them with only two real opponents worthy enough to challenge the Commonwealth side. The tables however have been turned, Mekhule have received the toughest draw they could have imagined in Group 2 as they will go head to head with the likes of The Archregimancy, Turori, and brutal Turruth Gordur.

Northern Bettia, Commerce Heights JSY and minnows Holweg make up the rest of the group which is more than likely to see the new comers trounced by high goal deposits from start to miserable finish. However team manager Khan Revanna promises his side will not go down with out a fight, and will cherish every single point they can take off their superior opponents. Mekhule also boast a new stadium, built specifically for the 34th World Cup at Fort Elizebeth in southern Mekhule and seats 50,000 with plenty of room for expansion.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/Football/imgA9.jpg
Fort Elizebeth National Stadium

So as Mekhule get ready for a hammering in Group 2, lets look at The YoungWorld region's other nations participating in this World Cup qualifying stage. Out of all of them Demot, who surprised all to finish within the top sixteen in the last World Cup have picked up the easiest of the groups with only Cafundeu capable of challenging the puppet nation, while those troublesome Elves of ESF are back and will face Geisenfried in Group 8. Little need be said here about Random Toast and Turruth Gordur, both teams drawn in the same group as one of the Commonwealth's nations, which leaves Assegai Developments who go into Group 9 with The lackluster Lowland Clans who severely underachieved in the last tournament and some how still qualified for the finals, and the almighty Starblaydia who need no introduction.

Zwangzug

11-04-2007, 21:13

Alan watched nervously, slumping in his seat to avoid recognition, as the imperials struggled to repair the software. His chair on the field was in the center of the Zwangzug delegation. To his left Ulysses waited calmly and Simon Ryne tapped his feet in exaggeration. On his right, Rube looked around, worried for the presentation, and BOB sat motionlessly.

But it finally came together, and the draw began. He and Rube clapped appreciatively, Ulysses half-heartedly, when they were placed. Rube, if anything, clapped harder for the ninth than seventh group announcement.

As the smoke cleared afterwards, BOB began beeping erratically. "Anybody know what's going on?" Rube asked.

Alan peered down. "Downloading dwytcswm.mp3?"

Simon Ryne laughed derisively. "Mark the calendars: for the first and only time, Lawrence finds a way to put our coach to use."

Across the boundaries of reality, glasses magnified letters on a screen. Seven: a fortuitous number, they say, despite not being a power of two. Squornshelous and Zwangzug...Sounds almost poetic.

And so it begins...

Qazox

11-04-2007, 22:30

QSPNFootball.com

Fernando Turek: Thank oyu all for coming, and i'm sure many of you have questions, so let's get started. You there in the black T-shirt with mustard stains?

Man in black T-shirt with mustard stains: "I do? crap.. Um what is your feeling about the draw? Any teams you are afraid of facing?"

Turek: "as for the 2nd question, No, we don't fear any team. We've beaten the top teams in the world constistantly ofr over 5 years now, and it's time the final pieces come together and win us a Cup. As for the draw, It could be a bit easier, but we're up for the challenge. Next question, the Dazza Dallas Wanna-be brunette?"

Nude Brunette: "What are the teams chances of advancement, and what willbe the toughest match?"

Turek: I'd say we got a 70%-80% chance to advance, an the toughest games will be against Sqournshelous and Nedalia, both have been or are amongst the top in the world, and its those game that will determine our success. One last question, you there in the back, the little short man with weird ears?"

Little short man with weird ears: "Hey, I'm not short, I'm from Az-cz, and my ears are a genetic condition. Anyhow, Why do you still support the Women's World Cup, while noone pays attention?"

Turek: "Um, since i'm not the coach of the Women's team or in charge of the QFC, i can't answer that question. I am proud that the 11th Women's World Cup will be played here though. That's all for now, have a good night."

(ooc: Sorry about the WWC mentions :rolleyes: )

Cookesland

12-04-2007, 00:13

Hello, Hello I'm Milchama Banks (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Milchama_Banks) reporting from Coricas and with me tonight is The Blue Eyed Man (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/The_Blue_Eyed_Man).

Group 12
Az-cz
Oliverry
Ropa-Topia
Dance 2 Revolution
Cookesland
Kampfers
Junista

MC: Well it doesn't look too great for the Knights this year

TBEM: True True our biggest competition for this year will undoubably Az-cz

Bostopia

12-04-2007, 00:31

The Bostopian FA wishes to complain about the behaviour of the Okiean delegation at the World Cup Qualifying Groups Draw in the Holy Empire.

While the Bostopian delegation was by no means quiet, nothing we did would endanger lives through the dangers of passing diseases such as HIV/AIDS through blood.

We hope the World Cup hosts or World Cup Committee view Bostopia's response by shelling the Okiean delegation with peanuts as a fair one, and nowhere near as disgusting as the unprovoked attack by members of Okielahoma's citizenry. We also hope the WC hosts and WCC join us in condeming the Okiean delegation's ludicrous actions.

Yours

Jeffrey Freimark

Bostopian Football Association

Acapais

12-04-2007, 00:45

Draw for World Cup Qualifying announced.
Acapais placed in Group Ten.

Excitement poured throughout Acapais last night when, for the second time in their history, Acapais was placed in a World Cup Qualifying group.

More than half of the nation was said to have watched to WC Qualifying Draw on television hoping and wishing they would not be grouped with a high seeded nation. To the delight of the Acapans, Acapais avoided high ranked nations like Jeruselem, Starblaydia, and the defending WC Champions, Bettia.

Having competed only once, Acapais was placed in Group Ten as the fifth seed. Two other nations have also been invited to qualify for the first time. Among the four other nations seeded higher than Acapais, two did not qualify for WC33's tournament. The two nations that qualified for WC33's final tournament, all failed to make it to the next round.

"We got the best group possible when you talk about Acapais qualifying for this year’s World Cup." says manager Anil Keswani. "But we can't let that distract us from our goal, winning games. We are going to start today getting ready for Bostopia."

Eighty-six nations (including hosts) entered this year’s World Cup and divided into twelve groups of seven. The top two teams qualify for the final tournament and the third place nations will have a play-off for the final six spots. Alasdair I Frosticus and Ariddia automatically qualify for the final tournament because they are the host nations.

"I am so excited about this year's World Cup. I really think we can win our group." says a walking pedestrian.

Players of the Acapais National Football Team have high hopes for themselves too.

Oscar Van Savage says, “We have a great chance for qualifying for the World Cup this summer despite our inexperience. We just have to remain focused and do our job.”

Some people believe, however, that all the optimism in Acapais is just a false sense of hope.

Sally Mayfield, sports expert, says, "The teams in this tournament have been playing World Cups for years. These teams know how to win and they will not let an inexperienced nation like Acapais get in their way of glory. Acapais will probably end up in the bottom four nations in group qualifying."

Sally predicts that the three qualifying teams from group ten will be Rejistania, Milchama, and Bostopia heading for the play-off and will lose.

Group 10:
1. Rejistania
2. Milchama
3. Sativaville
4. Bostopia
5. Acapais
6. Kingsford
7. Nerotika

Schedule of WCQ matches for Acapais:
BYE
@ Bostopia
@ Sativaville
vs. Kingsford
vs. Nerotika
@ Milchama
@Rejistania
BYE
vs. Bostopia
vs. Sativaville
@ Kingsford
@ Nerotika
vs. Milchama
vs. Rejistania

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Acapais RP Threads
Roster Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12478731&postcount=9)
Acapais PreWC Press Conference (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12491022&postcount=23)
Acapais v Sel Appa Friendly (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12492699&postcount=26)
WCQ Draw

Swilatia

12-04-2007, 01:29

Gazeta Swilajska
English Version

So now, after Swilatia's failing to qualify for the world cup 33, many Swilatian fans were pissed off, thinking that the new national team may have a record just like the old team. Or maybe worse. Still, fans can be hoopeful, especially now, as the time for world cup 34 is coming, and Swilatia gets another try into getting into the tournament.

However, I would have to say, that it is not likely we will qualify, as our country seems to have a cursed team. Also, it is unlikely the team will actually try hard this time. After all, they have announced that they are not that interested in qualifying, as the two nations, one a communist hell, and the other a magic realm created by some necromancer, are terrible places for playing football. In fact, the team aren't the only Swilatians who think this.

Anyway, this time, the groups are smaller, meaning less matches, but it is not believed that this has any effect on the chances of qualifying. There are 10 groups, and Swilatia is in the fourth, with Wentland, Errinundera, Viltia, Haraki, SS Oaklands, and Netherwallop.

To describe the teams, it can simply be said that we had never had any experiences with Wentland, but there is obviously a reason why they are first seed, so we should watch out. Moving on, Errinundera, who we have went against in the last world cup's qualifyiers, was a pain in the side. We have by some chance tied a match with them, but we have not won. Ever. Vilitia slammed us in the Cup of Harmony, so we should watch out.

So, that means there are 3 good teams here, a rather dangerous group. However, move down, and we have Haraki, who is rather infamous for expelling CBBC from their country, but their football record is unknown to most Swilatians. As for SS Oklands and Netherwallop, I would like to ask the Swilatian people of any of them have heard of those two nations.

Raging Penguins

12-04-2007, 02:31

"Where will we be playing, anyway?"

"...In stadiums, John."

"Well, yes, obviously, but what about when we are supposed to be hosting the other 'teams'? We can't exactly go back into Raging without expecting half the team to be shot by mob enforcers, and the other half to be resuced by their families, and Peter to be arrested by international police forces."

"I don't see why not. The Team in times past always seemed to come and go as it liked, John."

"John, The Team in times past was made up of people who forced the national military into submission; their use of Napalm made Dregruk's airforce look like amateurs; Heck, I don't think that Deadly Penguin was ever even confirmed as dead! Of course they could come and go as they liked! Who was going to stop them? Personally, unless those paper-pushers can hold off a mob of Professionals, I don't want to go back in. Especially because the Minister of Sporting Events and Land-Mine Distribution lost all his funds for a new Ice Rink when I needed a new tie. He'll have people laying land-mines down where-ever I'm supposed to walk."

"Why did he need to build an Ice rink? Half of the country qualifies as such."

"Because he was doing a tourism spot for winter activities. You need an actual rink for those things. You can't simply show the streets of Bloco'yce and expect tourists to want to ice-skate there."

"Well, no. Nobody want's to Ice-Skate in Bloco'yce. You'd get run down by an industrial sled. Who're we supposed to be hosting, anyhow? What's the odds that we'll win?"

"How should I know? Ask John, he knows odds and figures, and whatnot."

"Hey, John, what's the odds that we'll win against the teams we're playing?"

"I'm not telling you unless you contribute to the pool. Anyhow, it's Jeruselem, Sel Appa, Schorte-ska-ta-scan-sol-ani, The HOARD, er, sorry, The HURD, The Macabees, and Oglethorpia. What do you think our odds might be?"

"I don't know what those names mean, except that I've heard of Sel Appa because of some diplomatic mission which was cancelled while I was Head of The War and Other Foriegn Affairs Department."

"You weren't ever Head of The War and For'n Thingies Department, John."

"Oh yeah? That's not what everybody else thought! Anyhow, what do you know, John? You're just a gambler."

"You keep telling yourself that. I'm going to go shake down Miss Harthswipe."

"...Eeew."

"Not like that, John, you little freak. I'm going to go get her/his pocket money so's I can get a load of money off the clue-less spectators when we play."

"His/Her pocket money, eh? Sticking your hand in there?"

"Shut up John, or I'll—"

"Or what? I'll have you know that I can obtain all your current valuables with a single sheet of paper signed by your own hand."

"More like your hand, John."

"Nobody will be able to tell the difference, so it wont matter, John."

"Yeah? Especially when I destroy it with my hands!"

"No such luck, John. I gave it to the Beaurocrats for safe keeping. Good luck getting it from them."

"...Bastard."

"No need for such language John, and don't be such a bastard, John. Anyway, like I said, Where are we going to host our games?"

The Archregimancy

12-04-2007, 03:25

Kiryu-shi

12-04-2007, 03:46

World Cup Draw Announced; Dragons Face Uphill Battle

By Michio Hibbert

Alasdair I Frosticus The drawings ceremony for the 34th International World Cup was held today in The Imperial Hippodrome, a beautiful stadium within the host nation of Alasdair I Frosticus. The delegation representing Kiryu-shi, seated on the field itself, along with the other nation’s representatives, was lead by Kiryu-shi Football Alliance president Jacob Ives, proudly displaying the Baptism of Fire trophy. The other four representatives were KFA vice president, Afraima Stewert, Kiryu-shi head coach Bruce Lewis and Kiryu-shi Co-Captains, Pat Mayberry and Matthew Pruet. Although they remained calm throughout the drawings ceremony, perhaps humbled by the size of the ceremony and the various legendary nations represented on the same field as them, they all heard the announcement by Basil of legendary announcers Basil and Theo that they were included in the third group as the sixth seed out of seven teams. They face very tough competition in this group, as they will play at the world’s top ranked team and defending World Cup Champion Bettia in their first international match outside of Cafundéu. Although playing against the world’s best will be a great test for the young Kiryu-shi team, even the most optimistic of fans can’t predict that the Dragons will remain undefeated in international play for long.

____The rest of Group Three is highlighted by the formidable former hosts, Quakmybush as the second seed, another experienced team that Kiryu-shi will struggle against. The third seed is from Northern Caesarea, ranked 41st in the world, and the four seed is the 57th ranked Estresse Intenso. The fifth seeded team will be Lovisa, a formerly great team which has dropped to only six spots higher in the rankings than 97th ranked Kiryu-shi. The unranked Gnejs team is the lowest seed in group three, and a team that Kiryu-shi should be the favorites for. Kiryu-shi will play two games against each team, at home and on the road. To advance automatically, a team needs to take one of the top two spots in the group, a feat that will probably be unreachable for the underdog Kiryu-shi squad, which leaves fans praying for a chance to reach third place in the group to enter a playoff to enter the final tournament.

The official schedule for the qualifiers of Kiryu-shi:

Day One: at Bettia

Day Two: vs Quakmybush

Day Three: vs Gnejs

Day Four: at Lovisa

Day Five: vs Northern Caesarea

Day Six: Bye

Day Seven: at Estresse Intenso

Day Eight: vs Bettia

Day Nine: at Quakmybush

Day Ten: at Gnejs

Day Eleven: vs Lovisa

Day Twelve: at Northern Caesarea

Day Thirteen: Bye

Day Fourteen: vs Estresse Intenso

Jeruselem

12-04-2007, 04:31

<Press conference in Jeruselem with Dazza Dallas and Monique Alexander>

Reporter 1: Why are there so few men in the team, it is a conspiracy to make the entire team female?
Dazza: Not at all, men like Tunk Abrams got injured before the World Cup started so he had a shortage of quality world cup male players. I want more men in the team, but we had to put players who happened to be female. As you know I like men, well a lot.

Reporter 2: Our qualification group, what do you think of it?
Dazza: I'm happy, we got off really lightly. Cannot complain.

Reporter 3: Do you think Bettia can win this cup?
Dazza: Well, if we meet Bettia in the final, we won't be giving up the cup to them. We'll be cheering for Bettia if we don't make it. It is hard to win back to back cups, but Bettia could win it again.

Reporter 4: Why are you the coach, shouldn't it go a man?
Dazza: The Jeruselem FA picked me to be coach, I didn't ask. You're asking the wrong person. Yes, if a man wants this job - they can take it as long as they can do it.

Reporter 5: Monique, are you ashamed of stealing the Captain's job from a man?
Monique: Look, Tunk was going be captain but we could not play. I was picked to lead the team. I didn't steal anything, I'm doing a job someone gave me.

Reporter 1: Why have the team being failures in the past? A man who could a better job.
Dazza: We make the 2nd round of World Cup all the time and ever sometimes make it past the 2nd round. You do forget we made the final two cups ago. Kate Bush, my assistant coach was the captain as the time, and I was part of team but could not play for most of the cup. So what you are saying is rubbish considering our ranking. Eh, why three Radio Man reporters in here?
Reporter 1: Err, umm. Let's go guys.

(Reporter 1, 4 and 5 disappear)

Reporter 2: The friendly results have not been the best including losing to Qazox. Sign of decline?
Monique: We only lost one game but had a lot of draws. I know we were not convincing but with a new players trying to find a way of fitting in, we needed the friendlies. We are ready now.

Reporter 6: How is new baby coming along?
Dazza: Good good, she's developing well. I just have to avoid stressing too much so she can have a good birth.

Reporter 7: Kate Dallas seems quite a natural for TV. IS she going to take your job?
Dazza: Well, she wants to be singer not a footballer. She could take my job, but I'll be retired by then. She actually doing ballet at the moment, but she might make a good pop star.

Reporter 1: What's your measure of success for this cup?
Monique: Making the 2nd round and beyond. The final is the aim but one game at a time. We have to qualify first.

Reporter 6: How to get along with Brother Haven, Moany?
Monique: He doesn't like me but it's a professional relationship. When we play football, he's part of the team with me.

Reporter 3: What's it like having an army girl in the team?
Monique: Interesting, Rashina Dallas wakes up early unless Dazza here who's a might owl. She doesn't complain about anything much except bad food and idiots. I think her being married has removed that infamous temper. When we need someone who can use a gun, she's the girl you need.

Reporter 7: Our attack hasn't score many goals during friendlies? Why?
Dazza: We are a little erratic and it is an issue but we have the talent to put many goals past the opponent. We do miss Tunk's ability.

Reporter 8: Are wearing any underwear?
Dazza: Err, that's a naughty question ... and no. Why do you ask?
Reporter 8: We can look under that desk.

Dazza: Oh, that's alright. Nothing you guys haven't seen before.
Monique: Crumbs, I forgot too.

Kiryu-shi

12-04-2007, 04:32

(Excerpts from the notes of head scout LaKwanda Reyes)

The most worrying thing about Bettia, of course, is their attack. The Busilanta brothers are the keys to their high powered offense, and we need to focus on containing them. We faced a similar challenge against the 6 striker formation of Ulzaxid in the Baptism of Fire championship match. We need to play Iverson in a primarily defensive role, and try to use his size to intimidate attackers in front of the goal. Communication will be key for the three central defenders; Moya and LeBlanc need to listen to Pruet, at all times. LeBlanc shouldn’t go on any reckless attacks. Levi and Hendrickson need to stay on their men, Bandasera and Kurniawan. They are both extremely fast, but Levi and Hendrickson have the speed to keep up with them, as long as they don’t make mental mistakes. I believe we have as much talent on defense as Bettia has on offense, but we lack both the depth and experience of the Bettia strikers. Our back-ups do not even compare to their backups, as their production barely falls off at all in their second string.

Diamanti is going to be a liability in the midfield, no matter what. We can try shifting our defense towards his side, sometimes, but if we are going to keep the game close, he can’t play a critical role. He can’t keep up with their wingers, and he is not nearly talented or experienced enough to play up to the level of Bettia’s three inner midfielders. Pat Mayberry will be challenged for the first time ever in midfield as well. I think he has the attacking skill to really put the pressure on the Bettia midfield and defense, but he might be caught out of position too far up the field to provide the necessary help on defense. Coach is going to need to really put pressure on him to stay back as much as he can. Helen Gandy will need to have a great game. The defense needs to get the ball to her as much as possible. She needs to orchestrate the attack. Barry Scott is not the athlete he once was, and although he is an amazing offensive weapon, we may be able to challenge him defending. Evan Anderson is on the younger side, and he too is more of an offensive threat than a defensive strength. Frank Myfanwy, on the other hand, has the passion and courage to challenge attackers. However, overall, their midfield is beatable if we can attack quickly. Everyone will need to hustle in order to defend their attack, but we should be able to contain them decently with similar tactics to the ones we used in the BofF final.

Their defenders, although talented, don’t quite have the numbers to completely shut down any team. We scored three goals in the BofF final by aggressively and quickly counterattacking. When our attack slows down, we don’t maintain the advantage against the defensive line. Again, Emily Boyle may need to replace Garret McGee to provide more ball handling skill and speed, since our side attack will likely be stuck defending, and crosses will be few. Long, quick passes from the defense, through Mayberry and Gandy to the forward will likely give us the best chance of scoring.

Their keeper, Mitchell Ellis, is no longer at the prime of his career, and it is possible that he is losing a step. However, he still remains one of the best in the game at leading his team. Do not underestimate his value to the team.

-LR

The Deathbat Republic

12-04-2007, 05:09

Group 7:
Squornshelous
Qazox
Nedalia
Zwangzug
Algal States
St Pauls Isle
Ghost Tigers Rise

Pschychoes Top Seed in Group Seven

Squornshelous, ranked third in the world, have been drawn into Group 7, which is mostly filled with unfamiliar teams. Qazox and Squornshelous, surprisingly, have never met on the football field. Squornshelous have also never played Zwangzug, St Pauls Isle of Ghost Tigers Rise, not a surprising, given the recent entry to the international stage of those teams. Algal States and Squornshelous have also never played, despite the Algals' participation in a half dozen or so cups. That leaves Nedalia. The Lions and Pschychoes have met many times, both in qualifying and the cup proper. Squornshelous has usually come away the victor, and with Nedalia's recent decline, they shouldn't present too much of a problem. We'll have to be on the lookout for Qazox and Zwangzug though.

Squornshelous Qualifying Schedule:
wins losses draws
MD1: Squornshelous v St Pauls Isle
MD2: BYE
MD3: Qazox v Squornshelous
MD4: Ghost Tigers Rise v Squornshelous
MD5: Squornshelous v Zwangzug
MD6: Nedalia v Squornshelous
MD7: Squornshelous v Algal States
MD8: St Pauls Isle v Squornshelous
MD9: BYE
MD10: Squornshelous v Qazox
MD11: Squornshelous v Ghost Tigers Rise
MD12: Zwangzug v Squornshelous
MD13: Squornshelous v Nedalia
MD14: Algal States v Squornshelous

It'll be nice to have byes during which to prepare for Qazox and less challenging matches against Ghost Tigers Rise following each of those matchups to regain momentum that could be lost. That'll be momentum we'll have to carry through our matchups with Zwangzug and Nedalia if we want to win the group.

Bazalonia

12-04-2007, 08:20

THE MONASTIC TIMES

MONKS PREPARE TO KICK ASS
Fears Grow for Innocent Creature

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

Concerns were growing in the Archregimancy last night for an innocent donkey following revelations that the national squad's new training regime includes chasing the blameless ass across a paddock and attempting to kick it.

Quizzed about the bizarre practice, coach Fr. David the Water Drinker confirmed the addition to the training programme, stating "chasing an ass across a paddock builds strength and endurance, and attempting to kick it while running builds agility and poise. Look, we don't have fancy modern technology here in the Archregimancy - I have to make do with what I have, and if that means kicking a donkey, we kick the donkey." A spokesman for the Monastic Football Association later stressed the biblical importance of the common ass, while nonetheless conceding that the poor creature would henceforth be fitted with shin guards.

In other news, the world cup qualification draw for World Cup 34 was announced in the Holy Empire last night, with the Archregimancy drawn against Turori, Northern Bettia, Commerce Heights JSY, Turruth Gordur, Mekhule and Holweg. Fr. David refused to comment on the draw, but a senior archimandrite, speaking on condition of anonymity insisted that the MFA would accept God's will, and force themselves to play against the mixture of giant birds, hooligans, mammon-worshippers, violent barbarians, and other assorted heathens in the group. "Why can't we just be drawn against a normal team for once", lamented the archimandrite, who nonetheless said that expectations were high in the squad that they would reach one of the two automatic qualification spots.

Balaam's Ass in The Archregimancy?

The news of an unusual training practice involving the chasing of a donkey around has started an unusual debate in the Autocephalous Iconodulistic Orthodox Church of Bazalonia. An official from within the Church speaking on the condition of anonimity stated "Balaam had sold himself for money, I have to ask now with this behaviour have the monks sold themselves for World Cup glory?"

Debate is rampant indeed how much the incident inside the Dreamed Realm relates to the actions of Balaam who was supposidly a prophet of the Lord but had sold his services to the highest bidder. The story goes that the Lord had sent an Angel to stand in the way of Balaam to punish him, but the donkey, or ass, that he was riding on diverted away from the angel keeping Balaam alive.

However after a number of these Balaam got off a punished the Donkey. After which the Donkey spoke to Balaam. While indeed there was no indications of the Donkey speaking the AIOCB is indeed discussing wether it should once again withdraw from the potential hotbed of sin and depravity that is the Archregimancy.

No decision has yet been made but serious discussion is said to be underway at the highest levels of the Church and it is still far from over. It is said that the debate hinges on Donkey's in the Dreamed Realm are they just as real as "real" donkeys or are they just dreams. No one is yet sure and indeed wether the donkey was actually hurt is another factor that comes into play. A statement is expected to be made by the Church after Matchday 1 in the World Cup.

[NS:]The HURD

12-04-2007, 10:11

From Glenda's blog:

World Cup limericks

The Worldcup number thirtyfour
sees HURDists in hope to reach more!
No further frustration
but qualification!
We're here and we are out to score.

Schorteskatascansolani
Can be quite an issue, you see?
no one is delighted
if he has to write it
So better move on now, shall we?

For penguins who rage quite with bliss
I would recommend only this
The danger is clear
don't have the match here
but in a place no one will miss!

What happens on the matchday three?
A great thing I am telling thee
there's no kind of matching
just hacking an patching
in hope that we'll play less shittily.

You're still reading still wanting more?
Then I tell about matchday four
The city Minasra
will welcome Sel Appa
And be crashed by 3 goals or more.

And as matchday 5 will come by
the fans of jer'selem will sigh.
the GNUs will not greet them
but they wiill defeat 'em
in other news pigs'll learn to fly.

The last matchdays till the first half
will be easier but no laugh
two teams ranked below us
who surely don't know us
6 points should be possible, narf!

Northern Bettia

12-04-2007, 11:53

It's a calm spring day in Anyuna. The sun is trying desperately to shine through the thin veil of haze which seems to permanently blanket the city, a legacy of the general 'couldn't give a shite' attitude towards the environment - after all, when you've got an army of giant ants on your side, the cleanliness of your air doesn't matter. If it gets too dirty, you simply need to invade a more pleasant nation.

In a slightly run-down suburb known as Nariba, our scene cuts to a large well-vandalised wall, and lone figure who's hard at work cleaning the graffiti off with a small toothbrush. Why it's our friend, Hiro the wannabe hooligan, and he's not too pleased. It's not the works that's got him immensely pissed off (although he'd much rather be at his local enjoying a bevvy or two), but the fact that his pals are striding over to join him. He looks over at them with a scowl on his face.

"Oi, Hiro! Who said you could stop working?" Massa calls out.

"Oh shut the hell up, you twat." comes his oh-so-eloquant reply. "What the hell are you doing here anyway? Come to gloat again, like you have been all year?"

"Just thought we'd pop by and say hello. Surely your community service must be up by now."

Hiro looks at the tag which has been fitted to his ankle. "Nah. Almost, just two to go."

"How many did they give you again?"

"Three hundred. Three fucking hundred hours of community service, and for what? Vandalising the wall of Sakura Park."

"And starting that riot in Az-cz..."

"And starting that riot."

"...and skipping your court appearance..."

"Yeah yeah, and skipping my court appearance."

"...and twatting that policeman..."

"Alright, and twatting a policeman."

"...and attempting to twat those monks in The Archregimancy."

"Okay! Okay! And attempting to twat those monks. For fucks sake man - you happy now?"

"Very!" Massa beamed.

"Ah well, doesn't matter now - the next World Cup's about to start. At least we can have a rumble with some more locals without having to worry about that Dreamed Realm bollocks."

"I wouldn't be too sure about that mate," Massa said as he pulled out a bottom-of-the-pile tabloid with DAZZA DALLAS GETS TOPLESS INSIDE! emblazoned across the front page. "Take a look at this."

Hiro takes a look, and his eyes nearly pop out of his head. "Bloody Nora!"

"I know. Terrible, isn't it?"

"Terrible? TERRIBLE?!? What are you, a poof? She's like, what mid-thirties and expecting a baby, but she's still got a cracking pair of norks. That Dazza's a quality bit of fluff and no mistake."

"What?! No you pillock, I meant look at the back page."

Hiro takes a look, and lets out a huge groan that could be heard halfway down the street.

"Oh man... not those monks again!" he whine. "How are we supposed to kick things off in that wierd parallel dimension thingy?"

"I dunno. We'll think of something mate. After all, we've got twelve matchdays to think of something... either that or we'll just twat those monks when they come here. And in the meantime, take a look at who's coming here on Matchday 3!"

"Hey, Turruth Gordur!" Hiro exclaimed with a huge smile breaking across his face. "Now THOSE ugly bastards'll be up for a rumble! Get your knuckledusters out lads - reckon we're gonna be needing 'em!"

Fixtures / Results

MD..OPPONENT...............VENUE...RESULT

Qualifying Group 2

01: Commerce Heights JSY...HOME....
02: Holweg.................Away....
03: Turruth Gordur.........HOME....
04: BYE
05: Mekhule................Away....
06: The Archregimancy......HOME....
07: Turori.................HOME....
08: Commerce Heights JSY...Away....
09: Holweg.................HOME....
10: Turruth Gordur.........Away....
11: BYE
12: Mekhule................HOME....
13: The Archiregimancy.....Away....
14: Turori.................Away....

St Samuel

12-04-2007, 12:05

"Welcome to SS Sports News, im Carlos Finnercini. It's an exciting time for St Samuel football and today saw the draw for the World Cup 34 Qualifiers, a historic moment in which St Samuel will compete in there first ever World Cup."

"Im joined here today with ex-St Samuel international's Daniele Louardi and Sirian De Maliaa and later we will be speaking with St Samuel manager Louis Della Penzzi. The draw has taken place and we have drawn Demot, Cafundéu, Fmjphoenix, Magnus Valerius, Atheistic Right and Ulzaxid."

"Daniele, what do you make of the draw?"

"Well no matter what group we got, I think as relative new boys to the international scene we will be the under dogs, but I'm happy with the group that we were drawn into."

"And who do you think we should fear?"

"Well we know that Cafundéu are a good side, we recently played them in a friendly where we lost 2-1, so they will go into the match knowing that we can cause problems. Demot were very good in World Cup 33 and made it to the semi-finals. Fmjphoenix are also a very strong side who have a long history in the World Cup. I think those three teams will be the bookies favourites. Magnus Valerius and Atheistic Right are also two good teams that will not be easy games. And then there is Ulzaxid, the BoF runners-up."

"Sirian, do you think we can have any hope of making it to the World Cup finals?"

"To be honest thats not what all this is about, no matter what happens it is going to be great for St Samuel. We have a long history of football against local regional teams and a great domestic league scene but this is our first international test. Even if we finish bottom with just one point, it will be experience that we can carry on to the next World Cup qualifiers."

"Daniele, what do you think?"

"There is great belief in the St Samuel camp and morale is high, we lost all three pre-cup friendlies but performed very well and have earnt a fair amount of respect from the international scene. With the current side we have, I believe that we can make a good fight and may suprise some people."

"We are now going to go live to the Imperial Hippodrome in the Holy Empire where St Samuel manager Louis Della Penzzi has joined us. Louis, by the look of the smile on your face, you look happy with the draw."

"Yes I'm very happy, to be honest I would have been happy whatever group we drew, I'm just exstatic to be here and am soaking up the amazing atmosphere."

"There is huge excitement back here in St Samuel and the whole country appears to have gone football nuts. Have you seen much of that excitement in the Holy Empire."

"Yes, there's thousands of Samuelian's out here that made the journey for the draw and they are in good voice and enjoyed the ceremony."

"Well thankyou for your time Louis and all the best for the World Cup. Well thats about all the time we have left, Fmjphoenix is the first match and we will be bringing you all the pre-World Cup Qualifiers news and build up. The St Samuel FA have announced that there will be a great opening ceremony to celebrate our first International fixture. For now though, good night and we will see you soon."

Az-cz

12-04-2007, 13:42

Az-cz Scroll
Az-cz
Il-Lur

Draw analysis

It's time for everyone's favorite event the crazy predictions of mine. Last cup I had some success as I pegged Bettia to be a top team even picking them to win the cup at one stage. Let's see if I can do well again, or return back to my usual trend of stupidity. First up is the last group, where we've been placed.

Group 12 - Back to qualfication

Fresh off an incredibly succesful hosting run and a second place performance the Gnomes are back to look to improve on their run. They return the entire squad from last cup and could be a threat to do it although coaches Khim and Hawdon stepped down to be replaced by Nicolas Hausen. The next seed is Oliverry a team that beat us in world cup 31 and pipped us for top record in qualification in world cup 32. So we'll be looking for revenge in a serious way. Ropa-Topia is the third seed still trying to break down that barrier keeping them from the cup proper. They fell short in playoffs last cup and will be hoping to avoid doing so again. Dance 2 Revolution was a team we met in world cup 31 in qualifiers. We were able to beat them then when the roles were reversed and hope to do so again. Kampfers and Junista were both impressive looking in the Baptism of Fire but fell short in qualifiers. Cookesland is the non-descript team of this group.

Predicted finish:

1. Az-cz 2. Oliverry 3. Ropa-Topia 4. Dance 2 Revolution 5. Junista 6. Kampfers 7. Cookesland

Group 11 - Friends and family

Next up is Bazalonia our close friends. They also employ our former coach in coach Hawdon and a former assistant of ours in Bazalonian former star Peter Hobble. While we will be rooting for our former coaches we don't expect them to pass Schiavonia, a new member of Atlantian Oceania and the best team in qualifying last cup. Fort Europe ought to have an easy time making the playoffs. Bushes Been Quaked and Okielahoma are just not scary opponents as four and five seeds. Random Toast beat some big names last cup but lost a ton and shouldn't be expected to do much better this cup either. J-Man2k7 was a lousy team in the BoF and will be lousy here as well.

Predicted finish:

1. Schiavonia 2. Bazalonia 3. Fort Europe 4. Bushes Been Quaked 5. Okielahoma. 6. Random Toast 7. J-Man2k7.

Group 9 - Farewells

Next up is another team Az-czzers are very fond of Starblaydia home of our other former coach. They've announced a retreat from the big stage. With both Bedistand and Liverpool England already having retired from international play the teams that dominated the cup when Az-cz began will all be gone next cup. Unfortunately we don't believe the Purple Peril will go out of their final group on top. Not with the powerful Lowland Clans a big rival their to stop them. Although the Clansmen came through on playoffs last cup they are still a good team. Assegai Developments leads a weak pack of chasers as the top two shouldn't be troubled.

Predicted finsih:

1. The Lowland Clans 2. Starblaydia 3. Assegai Developments 4. Marceau State 5. Kericia 6. Alexandrian Ptolemais 7. American Fist

Group 8 - Whither Geisenfried?

This group sees our new coach's old nation, who look to improve on consecutive quarterfinal appearances. The team chasing them is Elves Security Forces looking to gain ground after a good showing in their first cup advancing to the 2nd round. With Green Wombat as a three seed they should be safe on top. However a team to watch is Aurendia. They missed last cup but as they proved in making the finals of the loaded World Cup 30 Baptism of Fire and qualifying in World Cup 31 when they play well they are very good.

Predicted Finish:

1. Geisenfried 2. Elves Security Forces 3. Aurendia 4. Quintessance of Dust 5. Green Wombat 6. British Londinium 7. Cookborough

Group 3 - Bettia than the rest?

This group is another of great interest to Az-czzers with the hosts, and friends in Bettia, and our co-hosts and good friends in Quakmybush. Long time world cup edge team Northern Caesarea and Cafundeu related Estresse Intenso add a latin flavor to the group and challenge the top team. Lovisa still looks to recover past glories. And then there's the Baptism of Fire champions Kiryu-shi, who posted a perfect record, a feat we couldn't even accomplish. Indeed the hosts recieved no favors in their group. But it won't matter as they are the best team in the world. They'll find plenty of goals and get it done against tough competition. In a shock look for Estresse Intenso to steal the second spot from Quakmybush leaving our co-hosts to the playoffs.

Predicted finish:

1. Bettia 2. Estresse Intenso 3. Quakmybush 4. Kiryu-Shi 5. Northern Caesarea 6. Lovisa 7. Gnejs

Group 4 - Surfing back to the cup?

Like most groups this group contains three strong teams. Wentland, Errinundera and Vilita. In a change from the past that's the order the teams are ranked. Haraki has some reason to believe they can challenge as does Swilatia but they won't. Expect Errinundera to be the unlucky team in this group.

Predicted Finish:

1. Wentland 2. Vilita 3. Errinundera 4. Swilatia 5. Haraki 6. SS Oaklands 7. Netherwallop

Group 5 - Demot deserving?

After missing World Cup 32 and just avoiding the playoffs for world cup 33 Demot advanced to the semifinals with us as their big stumbling blocks. Some teams questioned their place. They must show they belong. And they've got a chance to do it here. There are a lot of teams that they can earn respect by beating, but no great powers. Cafundeu is clearly the biggest challenge. And Fmjphoenix was a power in their day. Magnus Valerius and Atheistic Right will add intrigue to the group. And the weird creatures of Ulzaxid proved that they can beat good teams, knocking off our AOCAF side and finishing second in the Baptism of Fire. Expect Demot to earn qualification but in a less than desired manner slipping behind Cafundeu.

Predicted finish:

1. Cafundeu 2. Demot 3. Atheistic Right 4. Magnus Valerius 5. Fmjphoenix 6. Ulzaxid 7. St. Samuel

Group six - Dazza Time?

This group is led by two teams with which Az-cz has some history. Their was a bit of a flareup with Dazza and the Gnomes last cup. And Jeruselem was the first team Az-cz ever beat in a knockout match in a thrilling penalty kick victory. And Sel Appa is one of the Az-cz whipping boys suffering four defeats from the gnomes in WC31 and WC32 before getting an easy group and qualifying in WC33. Like Demot they have a lot to prove this cup. If a team is going to make it tough on them most likely it will be Schorteskatascansolani. Raging Penguins make it tough on their opponents but in the form of violence not football. The Macabees and Oglethorpia have football glory in distant pasts. A very interesting group with the Dazzas running away at the top and anything liable to happen below that.

Predicted finish: 1. Jeruselem 2. Schorteskatascansolani 3. Sel Appa 4. Raging Penguins 5. The HURD 6. The Macabees 7. Oglethorpia

Group 10 - Defending their honor

With Bedistan, Liverpool England and Starblaydia all leaving the scene Rejistania is the unquestionable master of the World Cup. However they have struggled of late and haven't really challenged for another title in many cups. Milchama is the other big name in the group who despite having a decent history have less success than might be expected. Sativaville, Bostopia and Acapais are all teams who are banging on the door of world cup success. Kingsford had a title long ago and once again will get to reminisce about their past victory as the current team gets waxed by the Rejistanis. In a shock look for Acapais to stun everyone and steal the second spot.

Predicted finish: 1. Rejistania 2. Acapais 3. Milchama 4. Bostopia 5. Sativaville 6. Kingsford 7. Nerotika

Group 2 - Other halves

The second group is full of the second teams from a number of pairs. The Archregimancy is the second fiddle to the hosts in the dreamed realm. Turori is the lesser half of the Eelcats combo in the AOCAF, despite having outperformed Vilita last cup. N. Bettia is in the shadow of their souther neighbors, having an incredible first cup spoiled by Bettia winning the whole thing. Commerce Heights JSY is a solid team playing second to Commerce Heights' greatness. Turruth Gordur and Mekhule are similarly trailing to Assegai Developments and Fort Europe respectively. All are dangerous but all are striving for attention. Except for Holweg who will just get kicked around.
Expect N. Bettia to join their neighbors as powers topping a strong group. The Monks must make it back to the dreamed realm, leaving Turori on the outside hoping to come through the playoffs.

Predicted finish:

1. N. Bettia 2. Archregimancy 3. Turori 4. Mekhule 5. Commerce Heights JSY 6. Assegai Developments 7. Holweg

Group 7 - Pyschoes of various sorts

Topping group seven in Squornshelous, known as the psychoes. Then there's Qazox, a nation best known for their psychotic persistence in furthering the Women's world cup. And Nedalia a nation willing to use missiles to win football games. Crazies the whole lot of them. And then there's Zwangzug, the craziest of them all. Nothing that comes from Zwangzug makes any sense. Squornshelous and Qazox oughtn't have any trouble and Zwangzug should take a small step up qualifying for the playoffs they just missed last cup.

Predicted Finish:

1. Squornshelous 2. Qazox 3. Zwangzug 4. Nedalia 5. St Pauls Isle 6. Algal States 7. Ghost Tigers Rise

Group 1 - Good football; little interest

As we started with the last group in group 12 it makes sense to finish with group 1. And just as group 12 was most interesting to Az-czzers group 1 is least. Which isn't to say the football is bad, as it isn't with Commerce Heights, Tynelia and Yafor 2 all having good teams and Rorysville a dangerous lurker. Just that Az-czzers don't have much tie to these teams. Only Tynelia, the team that Az-cz pipped out for qualifying in world cup 31. We think they'll show just how far they've come by winning this group. Commerce Heights into second and Rorysville stunning Yafor 2 and taking third.

Predicted Finish:

1. Tynelia 2. Commerce Heights 3. Rorysville 4. Yafor 2 5. East Lithuania 6. United Island Empires 7. West Pasco

That would make the twelve playoff teams:

Ropa-Topia, Fort Europe, Assegai Developments, Aurendia, Quakmybush, Errinundera, Atheistic Right, Sel Appa, Milchama, Turori, Zwangzug and Rorysville. We think the six teams to qualify from the playoffs will be:

Ropa-Topia, Fort Europe, Quakmybush, Milchama, Turori, and Zwangzug.

The early guesses at the knockouts:

Round of 16: Schiavonia, Bazalonia, Starblaydia, Geisenfried, Elves Security Forces, Bettia, Wentland, Cafundeu, Demot, Jeruselem, Schorteskatascansolani, N. Bettia, Archregimancy, Squornshelous, Qazox, Tynelia

Quarterfinals: Schiavonia, Bazalonia, Geisenfried, Bettia, Cafundeu, Jeruselem, N. Bettia, Squornshelous

Semifinals: Bettia, Jeruselem, N. Bettia, Squornshelous

Finals: Jeruselem, Squornshelous

Champion: Squornshelous

We expect the pyschoes to add their names to the list of multiple winners and cruelly to add Jeruselems to that of multiple runners up. And in perhaps the most heated third place game ever Bettia to beat it's Northern neighbors. Leaving them just a semifinals win from a repeat. And that's no typo. We don't expect Az-cz to go far this cup. It's just a hunch that our even number struggles will rear their head again.

Elves Security Forces

12-04-2007, 18:44

Elven Times
So It Begins

Another Cup is set to begin, and the draw for it has been concluded. As such, we feel obliged to inform the public of who we on the staff believe to advance into the Proper. So sit back, relax, and enjoy what should be a rather informative read you lazy bums.

Group 1
Commerce Heights [Capitalizt SLANI]
Tynelia
Yafor 2
Rorysville
East Lithuania
West Pasco
United Island Empires

A lot of good teams in this group, but only one is trully a great squad, and that would be former champs of Capitalizt Slani. One has to wonder if Tynelia has finally shaken their curse of always falling just short of qualifying with their advancement last tournment. With Yafor 2 and Rorysville as the chasers, they might just have made that final turn into the good graces of the magic that is the Cup. The bottom three are all relatively flat squads, and I see no reason why the top four shouldn't slaughter them in each and every match.

Predicted Finish
Slani
Tynelia
Rorysville
Yafor 2
West Pasco
East Lithuania
United Island Empires

Group 2
The Archregimancy
Turori
Northern Bettia
Commerce Heights JSY
Turruth Gordur
Mekhule
Holweg

Talk about a top heavy group, with the Monks, Fire Ants, and Eels being the top seeds of the group, there is absolutely no chance for the bottom teams to even dream about a playoff spot. The Monks ought to take away the top seed from the group with their eyes closed just due to the amount of skill and expirence they have over the rest of the group, while the upstart Northen Bettia squad and the seasoned Eels will do battle for the second. I can see the youngsters pulling it out here, just do to the rowdy nature of the squad and their fans. Turori will have to hope they get a fair match up in a play in.

Predicted Finish
The Archregimancy
Northern Bettia
Turori
Mekhule
Turruth Gordur
Commerce Heights JSY
Holweg

Group 3
Bettia
Quakmybush
Northern Caesarea
Estresse Intenso
Lovisa
Kiryu-Shi
Gnejs

Does this group really deserve us writing an analysis on it? With the bastardly ways of Northern Caesarea in the group, I honestly think the editors should of let me skip the group. It's not as if this group is heavy with good squads either, as Bettia should smear the remains of the group under their boot with the ease of stealing candy from a baby. Quakmybush runs their amazing luck to a second place finish, with some odd thing or another occuring whilst on their way, and the Intenso squad kicks the Caesareans while they are down, and make a late push to take the play in.

Predicted Finish
Bettia
Quakmybush
Estresse Intenso
Northern Caesarea
Lovisa
Kiryu-Shi
Gnejs

Group 4
Wentland
Errinundera
Vilita
Haraki
Swilatia
SS Oaklands
Netherwallop

Does Wentland deserve a first seed? Do they deserve to make the Proper directly? Can that ugly defensive style of footy really make fans happy? All of that should be answered, and my suspicion is that they are going to feel the pinch where Vilita and the Erris make it in directly. Haraki will do their usualy underpeormance, while Swilatia will continue to rebuild and likely finish with a good showing. Oaklands and Netherwallop better have first aid ready, as they are likely to get thrashed many times this tournament.

Predicted Finish
Errinundera
Vilita
Wentland
Swilatia
Haraki
SS Oaklands
Netherwallop

Group 5
Demot
Cafundéu
Fmjphoenix
Magnus Valerius
Atheistic Right
Ulzaxid
St Samuel

Ring around we go, where will Fmj drop, who knows! This once top side is struggling greatly, and with good newcomers like Demot and Cafundeu above them, and Magnus right below, this tournament will detirmine whether or not they can regain their foothold into the top tier of the footballing community. While I believe the Dynamo kill their oppisition with goal after goal, and Cafundeu will likely coast along with a good mix of defence and offence, I just can't make a sure call for Fmjphoenix. Magnus is going to test them, and whoever comes out with the most points in their matchups will likely grab the playoff, lest Atheistic Right pulls some wonders and slips in innocently.

Predicted Finish
Demot
Cafundéu
Fmjphoenix
Magnus Valerius
Ulzaxid
Atheistic Right
St Samuel

Group 6
Jeruselem
Sel Appa
Schorteskatascansolani
The HURD
Raging Penguins
The Macabees
Oglethorpia

Crazy group, really. You have the bimboish Dazza Dallas and the Jeruselem squad, the bastardly Sel Appas, the impossible to pronoucne Schorteskatascansolani, the new and improved robots from the Hurd, blood thirsty penguins, and an old timer reentering the grand stage. So who wins the merry go round trip to the Proper you ask? Well, I like the bimbo and her squad, as well as the Schortes. This group is going to be one heck of a ride into the final matchday.

Predicted Finish
Jeruselem
Schorteskatascansolani
The HURD
Sel Appa
The Macabees
Raging Penguins
Oglethorpia

Group 7
Squornshelous
Qazox
Nedalia
Zwangzug
Algal States
St Pauls Isle
Ghost Tigers Rise

Normally, I would say Nedalia would habve a chance here, given the weak state of those below them, and the bastard Oxen above them. But recent history shows the Lions continueally falling short and underperforming. As such, I have to say that this group is another that will finish just they way they are seeded, despite my hate for the Ox.

Predicted Finish
Squornshelous
Qazox
Nedalia
Zwangzug
Algal States
St Pauls Isle
Ghost Tigers Rise

Group 8
Geisenfried
Elves Security Forces
Green Wombat
Quintessance of Dust
Aurendia
British Londinium
Cookborough

So here we are, sitting pretty as being the second seed in group eight. Can Soler indeed inspire the lads to play like they did during the second half of last qualifiers and onto their trips into the KOs of the Proper until their defeat at hands of Wentland? I think he can, the only question for me is if they can topple Geisenfried for the top spot in the group. Green Wombat needs to look out behind them, as the Dust and Aurendia are both good squads that will more than happily take their play in slot if the Wombats are not careful.

Predicted Finish
Elves Security Forces
Geisenfried
Quintessance of Dust
Green Wombat
Aurendia
British Londinium
Cookborough

Group 9
The Lowland Clans
Starblaydia
Assegai Developments
Marceau State
Kericia
Alexandrian Ptolemais
American Fist

Here we come to Starblaydia who will be singing their swan song this tournament. With super powers of Liverpool England and Bedistan already retired from the stage, this end of this tournament will mark the end of an era of these squads domination of the tournament. The Purple Peril will make it to the Proper in their final outing, and fans of the game can only hope once their, the squad will give them a great final showing, for everyone to take a good rememberance of.

Predicted Finish
The Lowland Clans
Starblaydia
Assegai Developments
Kericia
Marceau State
Alexandrian Ptolemais
American Fist

Group 10
Rejistania
Milchama
Sativaville
Bostopia
Acapais
Kingsford
Nerotika

Not much to say here, apart from Bostopia will surprise the druggies of Sativaville and take the play in. Other than that, expect the group to play as is.

Predicted Finish
Rejistania
Milchama
Bostopia
Sativaville
Acapais
Kingsford
Nerotika

Group 11
Schiavonia
Bazalonia
Fort Europe
Bushes Been Quaked
Okielahoma
Random Toast
J-Man2k7

Oh Fort Europe, I think you have a bad taste of luck that I do. However, with those behind you, your luck just might make a turn. However, the Bazalopes are lurking in the dark, and the Schiavonia squad better be alive or else those pesky Bazalopes will nip them in the bum and win the group. We expect the Toast squad to pull a big upset or two, but continue their losing ways against lesser foes.

Predicted Finish
Schiavonia
Bazalonia
Fort Europe
Bushes Been Quaked
Okielahoma
Random Toast
J-Man2k7

Group 12
Az-cz
Oliverry
Ropa-Topia
Dance 2 Revolution
Cookesland
Kampfers
Junista

At the end we find a happy gnome, a crazy frenchie, and the nuthouse behind them. Given the history of each, this group is playing out as seeded, with the Gnomes going undefeated through group play.

Predicted Finish
Az-cz
Oliverry
Ropa-Topia
Dance 2 Revolution
Cookesland
Kampfers
Junista

Playoffs
Rorysville v Ropa-Topia
Turori v Fort Europe
Estresse Intenso v Bostopia
Wentland v Assegai Developments
Fmjphoenix v Quintessance of Dust
The HURD v Nedalia

Qualifiers
Slani, Tynelia, The Archregimancy, Northen Bettia, Bettia, Quakmybush, Errinundera, Vilita, Demot, Cafundéu, Jeruselem, Schorteskatascansolani, Squornshelous, Qazox, Elves Security Forces, Geisenfried, The Lowland Clans, Starblaydia, Rejistania, Milchama, Schiavonia, Bazalonia, Az-cz, Oliverry, Ropa-Topia, Fort Europe, Bostopia, Wentland, Fmjphoenix, Nedalia, Arridia, Alasdair I Frosticus

Early Line for Championship: Demot v Bettia

Schedule
MD1: ESF v Cookborough
MD2: British Londinium v ESF
MD3: ESF v Geisenfried
MD4: Quintessance of Dust v ESF
MD5: BYE
MD6: ESF v Aurendia
MD7: Green Wombat v ESF
MD8: Cookborough v ESF
MD9: ESF v British Londinium
MD10: Geisenfried v ESF
MD11: ESF v Quintessance of Dust
MD12: BYE
MD13: Aurendia v ESF
MD14: ESF v Green Wombat

Article by Luna Santapa

Milchama

12-04-2007, 23:54

Alexandria Times-Tribune-Moon-Post-Gazette-Chronicle-Journal-Enquirer

Sports Section

On the lack of arrogance

Milchamian predictions have become infamous on the world stage for many reasons. The first and most important being our own arrogance with our thoughts of predicting ourselves to beat the world. This has gotten us in arguments with The Lowland Clans, Casari, Lamoni, Demot, Tynelia and many other nations that have graced our groups who believe they might just be better than we say they are.

And they are probably right espiecially after the unmitigated disaster that was World Cup 33 where we had our worst performance in a World Cup since World Cup 27, the first ever world cup we qualified for. Jeez, we're the oldies awwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!! you younguns better let us qualify.

Anyway last world cup we were fed crow in a big way by all of our group as we managed only one draw against a team we should have beaten. The point being we sucked, straight up sucked. Since we don't want to eat up crow again and because Douglas Jefferey is 98% sure that the International Conspiracy will make us not qualify this cup we will try, key word being TRY, to not be arrogant assholes when making our predictions. With that forewarning here are the hopefully not as infamous Milchamian predictions:

Group 10
Rejistania- One of the most decorated in world football has had a bad ten cups. Not much success since World Cup 25 when they were runners up to Starblaydia but they have always qualified and are always dangerous. We will expect to lose to them.
Milchama- That's us, there has been some debate on whether we should use our same roster as last cup after their dissapointing performance but the MFA say they should so it's happening. We expect them to at least qualify before crashing and burning in the group stage.
Sativaville- Stoners. Never done anything, how they got third seed is a miracle. They suck. (Ed: Goddamnit! that's not nice change it) Sorry ummmm... done nothing so far but you never know? (Ed: Much better).
Bostopia- Sound like the fictional Boston and we all know that all of Boston's teams are losers. Especially the mythical Red Sox, I mean those guys are just terrible probably just like this team. I mean come on awwwwfuuuuuuuuul (Ed: Positive!). But the Red Sox have done well recently so you never know?
Acapais- No idea who they are. They might have been in the BoF or something but we don't pay attention to cheap tournaments and crappy teams like that. So they probably suck (Ed: Stop it). They probably did well though so you never know?
Kingsford- They were once really good. They won the World Cup back around 12 but it's 34 and now they suck, badly. That's what missing 20 straight world cups do to you, plus we're pretty sure that they don't exist anymore. Truly awful team.
Nerotika- They suck. n00bs.

Page 2

Milchama beat Yafor 2 in Tune up

In a promising pre-beginning to the Milchamian world cup campaign the Warriors got a victory in neutral Wrigley Field over the Golden Wolves of Yafor 2. Coach Damian Hill said, "We nipped them around the back, it will happen a lot, in trusting around the knips we must if we need to beat em we will, in the satellites we trust."

No we don't understand what he said either.

Anyway as for the football it was a regular affair with the 3-3-4 working to perfection as both goals were scored on turnovers by defenders. Mergle getting a tackle that quickly went forward to Avi Belmowitz for the first goal while Casey Stockholm found substitute Rovers Return for the second goal.

Final Score:
Milchama 2 (Belmowitz 27, Return 46)
Yafor 2 1 (That one guy 72)

Atheistic Right

13-04-2007, 00:30

Leon Green was once again at his desk it seemed papers flowed over his desk like the ocean. However he was there in the Dreamed Realm for the WC34 Draw ceremony. One thing you can say about the Ariddians and the Holy Empire is that they know how to throw a decent party.

He pondered all this, He would never look at religious folk again. Particularily in regards to the Cheap Slutty Bimbos and their song using "Score" in the euphemistic sense. Ah, perhaps he would have to invite the CSB's to Atheistic Right. He was sure they would get sold out performances where ever they went.

So after writing a quick letter to the CSB's manager inviting them over to Athesitic Right for a tour, Leon returned to his other duties. The list of nations in the Darwinists group

Group 5
Demot
Cafundéu
Fmjphoenix
Magnus Valerius
Atheistic Right
Ulzaxid
St Samuel

He looked and pondered over the group, Demot, A good team. They handed out those Dragons to fellow AO, the dragon had all but disappeared and had was the source of much debate of where infact it had went. No one knew but everyone was fearful that one of the few remaining adhereants to The Great Lion had it. Things could get scary, no, they would get scary indeed and Leon had done everything he could to restore the image of Atheistic Right in the international football community. He just hoped that their matches with Magnus Valerius would not cause controversy, perhaps any of the matches.

He put the paper down and then picked up some news paper clippings, he read some international opinion of their group, Az-cz media had them performing well but have the team create "intrigue", the others had the team performing very poorly.

"Bah."

He looked up the schedule and noticed that their first match was against the Boyars. "Well, at least we'll get it over with." He commented before organising access to videos and other tools that would help the team prepare for their match.

Assegai Developments

13-04-2007, 00:31

“Fans of Assegai Developments football, welcome to the beginning of the road to Nation States World Cup XXXIV. After turning heads in qualifying for the last World Cup, camps are divided as to what will become the Riskbreakers this time around.

“First, you have those that expect greater things of Assegai, including their own supporters, who demand excellent play and good results from their team, but, who show undying support even when they lose.

“Second, you have the naysayers, who are still unconvinced that Assegai Developments merits a spot in the World Cup or among the best of the footballing world.

“However you spin it, the Riskbreakers have to continue improving and climbing their way up the Nation States Footballing ladder.”

“There is a lot of excitement for the team that will represent Assegai Developments in this tournament. Among the players making their national team debuts are Viktor Krum and Fleur Delacour, who have finally become naturalized citizens of Assegai after having spent the last four years in the Assegai Pro-League.

“Cathedral Park has been sold out for weeks in preparation for the match against Marceau State, and supporters have been mingling in the lobby of The Great Cathedral since this morning.

“For this game, Assegai Manager Sir Knight Edgard Zúniga has unveiled the following roster…”

Goaltender
#42 Akihiko Yoshida – (Rinaldi Gunners, Elves Security Forces)

Defenders
#4 Francis Rowe – (Sutina Saints, Fort Europe)
#70 Barnard Mallowburne – (S.C. Vagrant Hills)
#2 A.J. Durai – (A.C. Leá Monde)
#25 Stephen Maison – (Assegai Developments F.C.)

Midfielders
#31 Alys Spicer – (Matata Wanderers, Fort Europe)
#10 Ashley Riot (C) – (Assegai Developments F.C.)
#69 Fleur Delacour (Assegai Developments F.C.)

Forwards
#5 Severus Snape – (F.C. Capri, Elves Security Forces)
#33 Viktor Krum – (Assegai Developments F.C.)
#20 Samantha Neesa – (Char Sara Inferno, Elves Security Forces)

Reserves
GK #3 Callo Merlose – (Char Sara Inferno, Elves Security Forces)
GK #1 Winnefred Save – (Cathedral Spooks D.C.)
DEF #76 John Hardin – (D.S. Assegai)
DEF #8 Romeo Guildenstern – (Ascama United, Fort Europe)
DEF #7 John Müllenkamp – (Cathedral Phantoms F.C.)
DEF #22 Jan Rosencrantz - (Ascama United, Fort Europe)
DEF #32 Anne Saye – (Fort Lakaria City, Fort Europe)
MID #56 Joshua Bardorba – (S.C. Vagrant Hills)
MID #13 Duke Bardorba – (S.C. Vagrant Hills)
MID #32 Agatha Denys – (A.C. Leá Monde)
MID #45 Duane Grissom – (Kibuye F.C., The Interahamwe)
FWD #8 Ursula Goode – (Cathedral Phantoms F.C.)
FWD #11 Sidney Losstarot – (Mar Sara Flames, Elves Security Forces)
FWD #9 Dominic Saint-Émilion – (Rinaldi Gunners, Elves Security Forces)
FWD #18 Stephen de Cobham – (Assegai Developments F.C.)

“The biggest surprise in this roster is the insertion of both Delacour and Krum into the starting lineup, with Delacour taking the usual spot of Duane Grissom at midfield, and Zúniga opting for the much more physical and muscular Krum over Sidney Losstarot at striker.

“The curtain will drop in just hours and we at the Assegai Sports Network are ready to bring you all the results. This is Mikaela Eyre signing off from Cathedral Park at The Great Cathedral. See you after the game!”

Tonight’s Match

(34) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/assegai_developments.png Assegai Developments

VS
(55) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/marceau_state.png Marceau State

@ Cathedral Park, Leá Monde, Assegai
Capacity: 75,000

Turruth Gordur

13-04-2007, 00:48

From the desk of Gorgol “The Butcher” Harad

It is a slap in the face to my team to be looked at with such disregard. However, this is just what we could use to sneak up on our opponents and slap them down for their vulgar display of hubris.

Up first for us is… a bye—a week for us to sharpen our the spikes on our boots and to prepare for the team from the JSY.

HA!

Schiavonia

13-04-2007, 01:17

David Jones was on top of the world.

Who'd have thought it, eh? Getting the trial at a Premiership team was something special. Of course, Middlesbrough was a fair way away from home, but that wasn't too much of a problem. Not when you've got a dream.

But to actually get signed on? Well, that was just amazing! A small transfer fee to his team, Hyde United, and the deal was done. Of course, he knew that he wouldn't be up against the likes of Thierry Henry and Cristiano Ronaldo straight away, but then he was a lot closer to pitting his wits against them than he was this time last week.

And so, to celebrate, he'd decided to join some of his younger team mates for a night on the town. "Why not?", he thought, "You've got to enjoy these things while you can". And there was much fun to be had, lots of booze getting downed. That was, until someone noticed that David was missing. Can't remember who, my vision was a bit blurry.

Because David had staggered outside. Past the bouncers and into the street. Right into the middle of the road.

*BANG*

The taxi had no chance of missing him. It had come flying round the corner out of Albert Road, and knocked David flat out in the middle of the road.

- - - - -

The phone was ringing.

David answered it.

"David! Where the hell are you? You're first day as a pro, and you can't even make it in to training on time!"

"But..."

"No but's! Get your sorry little arse down here now before we send you back to non-league quicker than you can say Schorteskatascansolani!"

"Say what?"

But the phone was down. Obviously, the boss must be angry. Better get into training, then.

And yet, it seemed strange. There were no memories of the night before. He must have been really drunk for that to happen. And yet, now... no hangover.

Stranger still, as he got up and looked around... this wasn't his hotel room.

He quickly got dressed and rushed downstairs. "Should be easy!" he thought. "Just jump in the taxi, we'll be there in, what, twenty minutes?"

He thought wrong.

The street below was devoid of any sort of traffic. Only the occasional cyclist. And some crazy guy lying down on some kind of giant skateboard.

"OK, now this is weird," he thought, "No hangover was one thing, but this... this can't even be England, can it?"

Just then, a rickshaw driver came past. David hailed him down.

"Where to?"

"Um... I... don't know."

"Well if you don't know where you're going to, I can't take you can I?"

He began to ride off.

"No... wait..."

"So... where to?"

"Do you know where the football club train?"

"Which one?"

"The... er... local one."

"Of course."

"Can you take me there, then?"

"Certainly, jump aboard."

David jumped onto the rickshaw, still looking in a state of disarray. The driver obviously noticed.

"You look like you've had a shock or something."

"You could say that, yeah."

"What's happened?"

"Well, I got rather drunk last night, and I woke up somewhere I wasn't expecting to."

"Well, we've all done that before, haven't we?"

"Not on this scale we haven't."

"What d'you mean?"

"This isn't even the same town I was in last night. This isn't Middlesbrough, is it?"

"Isn't where?"

"Fuck, man, how far have I come?"

"Don't talk like that, mate! And this is Kingsbury, capital of Schiavonia."

"Where?"

"You can't be into football and not know Schiavonia?"

"Well I am, and I don't have a clue."

"We made the quarter finals of the last World Cup."

"Italy, France, Germany, Portugal, Ukraine, Brazil, Argentina and England. This Skiing place you're on about."

"You're a crazy guy, right?"

"A what? How dare you!"

"Because you just made up a list of countries, and I've never heard of a single one!"

"OK. So who were the quarter finalists of the last World Cup?"

"Bettia, Az-cz, Demot, Wentland, Squornshelous, Geisenfried, Elves Securtiy Forces and Schiavonia."

"And you say you're not making much sense to me. How long is this going to take, then?"

"Not much longer. So why are you going to the training ground?"

"Apparently, I'm a player. Although as this isn't where I was yesterday, I'm not quite sure who for."

"Well, what's you're name?"

"David Jones."

"Not the David Jones who signed for the Monarchs yesterday?"

"The... OK, now you're losing me again."

"So it's not you, then?"

"Well..." he figured it out for a moment. "Yes, that is me."

"Oooh, we've heard great things about you. You could even make it into the national team. They're looking for a left back!"

"The wha... really?"

"Well, let's not get too far ahead of ourselves now, eh?"

"OK. So who are you?"

"Xavier Nelson. If you ever need a ride, give me a ring. Here's my card." Xavier pulled up, "Oh, and good luck."

"Thanks. I think I might need it."

Bostopia

13-04-2007, 01:58

It’s a Thursday night, nearly Friday morning. You find yourself bored infront of the computer, and weigh up your options as to what to do. Take a walk outside perhaps? It’s nine degrees celcius outside, and a clear night.

“Riikenberg’s a safe city, safer than most, but strolling around at midnight? Perhaps not. One of the neighbours’ll only be watching, and safe doesn’t always mean secure…”

You hear the final chords of the Bostopian anthem playing on Channel 9 from the TV downstairs. It’s a minute and seventeen seconds past midnight. Dad had been belting out the words, as usual, being fiercely patriotic, and all in favour of the change to the running of the verses of the anthem. What was the third verse is now the second – you know, the one about Bostopia’s “victory” over Outer Sygon.

“Not that it was much of a victory, the Emperor let Vladmiristak take most of the land. But still, it got rid of that Ian out of the public eye.”

Dad turns the TV off, and you hear him coming upstairs. He walks past your bedroom, and the door to your parents room opens – a reassuring sound, probably a remnant from your childhood memories, of someone coming to see what was wrong – you snap out of your thoughts a moment later, as the bedroom door shuts.

“Right, time for action!”

Your mind clicks into gear. You had always been built for tactical rather than physical battles, or so they told you during your 5 months National Service. That certainly made things easier. Of course, that didn’t make commanding a number of units on training exercises in the Military Zone easy, but it was better than being a common foot soldier. You open your bedroom door, looking to make the least noise possible. Success! Now for the stairs…

“One, two, three…fourth is creaky…”

You skip the fourth step, and your body counterbalances the forward-leering-motion gravity wants to pull it in. Unfortunately for gravity, the other steps won’t be slipped down, no matter what it wants. You spied on the way down that the door to the front room is open. Walking on tip-toes, you manage to make it to the front room.

“Slowly now…don’t need to be foiled at the last step…”

You slowly push the door shut behind you…a muffled sort of slam happens, but not loud enough to disturb anyone upstairs. The only thing likely to disturb Mum is your Dad’s snoring. You press the light switch, and the lights at the back of the room come on. The TV’s still to the right of your view, by the window. And there’s the remote. You turn the TV on, and turn the lights off, knowing that the light emanating from the TV alone will be bright enough to light the room up sufficiently enough. Channel 9’s still on, though coverage has switched to Channel 9 News 24 now that it’s hit midnight.

“Ahah! The sports is about to come on!”

You’re old enough to know Kelly doesn’t go nude to purposefully flaunt herself, but young enough to be thankful she’s got the body to flaunt, even if she didn’t mean to flaunt it. But, that’s life, you think, if you wanted flaunt, you’d have took more notice of that Dazza pop-up on the Jeruselem FA’s website. Ah the Bostopian FA has announced where the qualifying games are going to be played. All but two games in Fort Boston. There’s a big surprise. At least the other two are in West Isle. Kingsford being hosted at the Copsequay Stadium, and…no…

“SATIVAVILLE AT ORTEGA FIELD!”

You just about manage to not wake the house up shouting. But still, the Bostopian national team were playing a game in your home town. Which is worth shouting about, you think, to be quite honest. Of course, you’d rather be watching them play Rejistania, you’ve heard of them, but Bostopia is Bostopia nonetheless.

“I have to get tickets”

The game’ll sell out quicker than a Sel Appa – Okielahoma friendly game takes to get declared awful. Ortega Field only holds 32,500 people, and there are 309,000 people in the city at least. It’ll be a tough task getting them, but you will. You don’t hit 18 in this city without making one or two useful contacts. Fortunately, you happen to know one of those people from your first day at school, aged 4. You pick up your phone, and start firing off a text message.

“Chris, BOS playin Sativaville in Riik, we need to get tickets. Lemme know if ya hear anything bud.”

You hear some noise upstairs. Uh-oh, someone’s awake. Thinking fast, you turn off the TV, and run into the kitchen. You’re discovered halfway through a glass of orange juice by your little sister, Sophia. You say little, but she’s only a year younger, and rather fresh out of Militia Training, which ended for her a month ago. The Government is “nice” in giving you a 3 month break between the end of Militia Training and the next level of education, provided you’d gotten the grades to get into the next level anyway. Of course, people always argue that shoving what should be the last two years of compulsory education into one and a half years is tough, but you’d always thought it sorted the intellectuals from those who couldn’t cope anyway.

“Hello, Sophia. What brings you down here at this time of the morning?” You ask her.

“Wondering what the noise was downstairs. And, as usual, it’s you. Can’t sleep?”

“No…just bored. Came downstairs to see what was on TV, turns out Bostopia are playing a game against Sativaville at Ortega Field.

“Really?”

Your sisters apparent interest had taken you aback slightly.

“Yes…but when had you been interested in football?”

“Bostopia’s Bostopia, whatever sport.”

You were definitely related. That or the “Effective Propaganda” section at Militia Training was doing it’s job well.

“Fair enough.” You walked over to the dishwasher, opened the door, and put the glass in, closing it after you. “Anyway, I’ve asked if Chris can get our hands on some tickets. If I can get a third, I will, but no promises, ok, these things will sell like wildfire.”

“Thanks Mark! But yeah, no promises.” The second sentence sounded slightly dejected, but she had a ton of faith in her older brother, she had done since the day he confronted those kids in the playground.

“No problem. Anyway, I’m going to bed, sis, speak to you in the morning.”

As you walk out the kitchen door, you give your sister a kiss on the forehead, and she smiles in appreciation.

“G’night, sweet dreams.” The brunette responded, though you were halfway to bed anyway.

Cafundeu

13-04-2007, 02:02

GLOBO MULTIMEDIA: SPECIAL COVERAGE OF THE GROUP DRAW

BRENO GAVIÃO – “Welcome herrrrre, my frrrrriends! We have just saw the World Cup drrrrraw in Alasdair I Frosticus. So, I’m with the new coach of the National Team to comment about our opponents and to rrrrrelease the official schedule, with the stadiums used for the games in Cafundéu, which was just rrrrreleased by the CCFM! Welcome herrrrre, David!”

DAVID NEFASTO – “Thanks, Breno. It’s a pleasure to be here today. I think that we can’t think if the draw was good or bad for us, as we need to face all obstacles to be a competitive team.”

BRENO – “Nice words, David. So, let’s see our group in that screen”:

5
Demot
Cafundéu
Fmjphoenix
Magnus Valerius
Atheistic Right
Ulzaxid
St Samuel

BRENO – “Hmm, we’re the second seed. As the second seed, we have to face a top team, one of the best in the world. It’s Demot. What do you think about facing Demot in the Worrrrrld Cup qualifierrrrrs?”

DAVID – “As you said, we have to face one of the top teams, so we can’t think if was good or bad to be placed in the same group of Demot. They’re dangerous, they’re the favourites, but our work is being intense to try to make the best campaign ever for Cafundéu.”

BRENO – “Interrrrresting to know, David. What about Fmjphoenix?”

DAVID – “Cafundéu plays against them everytime. But this time we have a stronger team, so I’m expecting good results.”

BRENO – “Magnus Valerrrrrius and Atheistic Right are two good teams that can surprrrrrise. Do you think that we can slip in these games.”

DAVID – “Probably not. At least I think so. They play good football, but our group is very united and ready to show a good performance, trying to make no mistakes.”

BRENO – “And the lowest-rrrrranked teams arrrrre Ulzaxid and St Samuel.”

DAVID – “Yes. We could face weaker teams with their ranks, so I didn’t like this part of the group draw. Ulzaixd played really well in Cafundéu, I even watched some of their games. And St Samuel already played once against Cafundéu, and gave us some work to defeat them.”

BRENO – “Final thoughts?”

DAVID – “This group is a average one. Not too difficult, but still not easy. So, we have just to keep the good work and be cautious. We have all the chances and will probably qualify, but of course only time will tell the truth.”

MD01: Cafundéu – St Samuel
MD02: Ulzaxid - Cafundéu
MD03: Cafundéu - Demot
MD04: Magnus Valerius – Cafundéu
MD06: Cafundéu – Atheistic Right
MD07: Fmjphoenix – Cafundéu
MD08: St Samuel – Cafundéu
MD09: Cafundéu – Ulzaxid
MD10: Demot – Cafundéu
MD11: Cafundéu – Magnus Valerius
MD13: Atheistic Right – Cafundéu
MD14: Cafundéu - Fmjphoenix

Stadiums Used (OOC: more details in roster thread):

MD01: Presídio, in Carandirú City
MD03: Praça Maior, in Cafundó do Juta
MD06: Toca do Tatu, in Central City
MD09: Terreno da Vitória, in Abadia
MD11: Obelisco Monumental, in Lasft
MD14: Maracatu Arena, in Dunboor

DAVID – “The team for the first game will be: Júnior, Covas, Kirs, Becão and Sávio Ferrari; Anormal, Priotto, Dário and Falcus; Ijak and Heitor.”

BRENO – “That’s it. See our predictions for the first three placed teams of each group”:

1
Commerce Heights
Yafor 2
Tynelia

2
The Archregimancy
Northern Bettia
Turori

3
Bettia
Quakmybush
Estresse Intenso

4
Wentland
Vilita
Errinundera

5
Demot
Cafundéu
Atheistic Right

6
Jeruselem
Sel Appa
Schorteskatascansolani

7
Squornshelous
Qazox
Zwangzug

8
Geisenfried
Elves Security Forces
Quintessance of Dust

9
Starblaydia
The Lowland Clans
Assegai Developments

10
Milchama
Rejistania
Acapais

11
Schiavonia
Bazalonia
Fort Europe

12
Az-cz
Ropa-Topia
Oliverry

Estresse Intenso

13-04-2007, 02:14

DOCTOR ROGÉRIO LANDAU’S SHORT COMMENTS ABOUT THE GROUP OPPONENTS

In a short note, Doctor Rogério Landau commented about the opponents of Group 3:

BETTIA – Argh twice! The champions will destroy us, unless they get crazy!

QUAKMYBUSH – Argh! Facing the last cup hosts isn’t good for our dressing room athmosphere.

NORTHERN CAESAREA – Hmmm, we have good opportunities of beating them. If we get good results against them, we can hope for a good position in the end of the group.

LOVISA – I think that we can defeat them. We have just to be cautious and we can get important points in the games, home and away.

KIRYU-SHI – After a good campaing in the BoF, playing in our rivals’ ground, they must be dangerous. We need to play well to defeat them. (Just thinking if those money-hungry dumb businessmen of Cafundéu paid something for them to motivate them to defeat us).

GNEJS – ????? Hope we can defeat them. If we can’t, I’ll be really sorry for my players.

FINAL THOUGHTS – Third place is a strong possibility, so we need to improve our trainings and give better medicines to our players.

Alasdair I Frosticus

13-04-2007, 03:20

RP cut-off

Matchday 1 scores (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12539438&postcount=1) are now available.

No RPs below this post were counted towards MD1.

New Manhattan

13-04-2007, 04:57

http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/logos/tribune/
AEROPAG, JI • 0.10 g Au • 144–06–02
UCK TUTORI!

CHEAT, Drakcorp settle on stadium deal
QUERZAKHI, TA—The CHEAT Alliance’s proposal for a 1.5 Gg Au reconstruction of Querzakhi United’s home stadium for the Games of the II Olympiad was accepted today, according to Drakcorp’s UCS representative Julio Gutiérrez. The deal includes a minimum funding commitment of 100 Mg Au from Drakcorp, with the rest to be paid by the Olympic organizing committee. In exchange for the funding, CHEAT agreed to send Capitalizt SLANI’s team to play at least one match at the stadium against a team seeded third or higher in each World Cup qualification tournament through World Cup 38.

According to a CHEAT press release, the renovation of Drakcorp Querzakhi Olympic Stadium will be the fourth-biggest engineering project in the history of the UCS, after the construciton of the Kaiwu Bridge, the Sokojito Überdome, and Capitalizm. The finished stadium will seat over 150 000 spectators, and will feature a retractable glass roof, expanded concessions areas, artificial surfaces for multiple sports that can be instantaneously replaced from an underground storage facility using teleportation, and a sophisticated climate-control system that can keep the entire stadium at an even temperature (failure to do so is one of the biggest complaints about the Überdome).

The re-opening of the stadium will feature a Paripanan Championship exhibition between 자스연 (Jasīʼyūn)’s all-UCS squad and a Capitalizt SLANI–assembled East Bedistan XI, to be coached by Alejandro Bolúfero. It may not be the return of the BFA that many Bedistanis are waiting for, but the stadium will most likely packed with Bedistanis trying to ignore the Capitalizt SLANI shirt badges.

Jeruselem

13-04-2007, 07:35

<Two women with a monk with background music of "BARBIE GIRL">

Dinkie: I'm Dinkie Dosha.
Monique: I'm Monique Alexander, and as Dazza would say, this is THE FOOTBALL LIFE. We have a special guest for the show, Brother Haven of the Jeruselem team. Just call me Moany. I know you people miss Dazza, but she's going appear once in a while. I think she's sleeping at the moment, or eating for two.
Haven: God bless everyone.

Dinkie: First match day of the World Cup 34, and Jeruselem are back on the right track. And so are our friends Bettia, but Nedalia well err are not.
Monique: As Jeruselem captain, we had a great game. The Macabees rarely beat us, and that don't change much today. We had a walky in the park, FIVE ONE. You like walking the dog.
Dinkie: Brother Haven, great game! Three goals, that's one debut game.
Haven: Don't thank me, thank God.

Monique: So where you learn how to play football like that?
Haven: Prayer and practice, the only way. Ask any monk and you'll the the same sort of answer. God gave me a gift.
Dinkie: So surrounded by real sinners, well like the coach and captain, it is a problem?
Haven: No, I train to resist tempation. It's my life and this is the test. And working with Dazza and Monique is a real test. When Dazza touches a monk, it's hard for a monk.

Dinkie: Oh I scored the other two goals.
Monique: The Macabees didn't play badly, it just they looked bad compared to us.
Dinkie: We rarely lose at home anyway.
Monique: It's only match day one so you can't take too much out it.

Dinkie: In other games in Group 6, Sel Appa down Oglethorpia TWO NIL meaning they will be 2nd in the group. Good start for the Turtles. And that team called ... damn it, cannot spell it.
Monique: Err, you people know who I mean. It starts with S. Anyway they played the HURD, and drew 1 ALL.
Dinkie: The Raging Penguins had the bye, so Jeruselem leads the group with Sel Appa 2nd. The Macabees are last due to their goal different and losing a game.

Dinkie: You know the world champ put out a message! Bettia is the "betterest" team as Kate Dallas said - and she's right! Baptism of Fire winner Kiryu-Shi found out why Bettia won last cup. Bettia destroyed them SEVEN ONE. Yes, a total destruction.
Monique: The world champs are here to win. I felt so sorry for poor old Kiryu-Shi. Not the best way to start.
Dinkie: At least, that game is out the way for them.
Monique: But it's a lesson in class, and who's classy.

Dinkie: Qazox, also dealt out a SEVEN ONE win in Group 3. Ghost Tigers Rise didn't actually rise, they got sunk by Qazox team. More like buried alive.
Monique: Awesome by Qazox, but they beat us THREE ONE so they aren't exactly unable to score against the best.
Dinkie: Makes our win look meek but that's football.
Monique: I think they will make the finals easily.

Dinkie: And Nedalia, Brother Haven you need to pray for them.
Haven: I will, but oh they lost.
Monique: Zwangzug beat then TWO ONE and not a start they went with such a competitive group.
Dinkie: Yes, they are sliding into a hole lately.

Haven: I will pray for them, but I think they have help themselves too.
Dinkie: Yes, God can't save you if you don't try to save yourself.
Monique: Zwangzug aren't a bad team but not a good start regardless.

Dinkie: It's YAP YAP! Yes, a YAP YAP with no Dazza but we'll do our best.
Monique: <Waves nude calendar of Dazza and herself> Buy this folks! Yes, it really dirty and Brother Haven don't like it but it's my calendar too.
Dinkie: It's not everyday you get a world cup coach and captain nude on the same calendar

Haven: Err, not my kind of calendar but it's not my place to condemn.
Monique: Only 30 shekels! Sold where men like their women naked, well yeah.
Dinkie: I'm a good girl, it's not for me.
Monique: Oh, I've got signed copies of my DVD "Football Floosie" for sale too. Basic plot, cheerleader sleeps her way to the world cup. Yes, the main character is well, you know.
Haven: Dazza, that is.

Dinkie: That's it. See you all later.
Monique: As Dazza says, ON YA BIKE
Haven: God bless everyone out there. And no, I'm not touching Dazza's bike or Dazza the bike.

Group 6
Jeruselem 5 The Macabees 1
Sel Appa 2 Oglethorpia 1
Schort…solani 1 the HURD 1

Group 3
Bettia 7 Kiryu-Shi 1
Qazox 7 Ghost Tigers Rise 1

Group 7
Nedalia 1 Zwangzug 2

Assegai Developments

13-04-2007, 07:41

“Frustrating? To say the least…yes. There is no other way to describe tonight’s result in Assegai Developments, where the Riskbreakers were stunned in a 2-2 draw against a group of random strangers that claimed they showed up to represent Marceau State.

“Despite goals by Viktor Krum and Samantha Neesa in the 56th and 72nd minutes, respectively, the Riskbreakers were unable to defeat a team that was virtually unknown; a team that had not submitted any rosters; a team than had not released any sort of press reports; a team that was ranked more than 20 places lower than Assegai Developments."

As Mikaela Eyre finishes her statement, Krum’s huge frame fills the screen. She turns to him.

“Was very terrible result for us,” he says. “Team very embarrassed and…frustrated. We apologize to all our fans. They…deserve much better than this.”

Krum shakes his head.

“There really isn’t much else to say, is there, Viktor?” she asks him.

Krum shakes his head again.

“There isn’t much else for us to say, either,” Mikaela says. “Tonight’s result was a disgrace.”

Match Summary

(34) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/assegai_developments.png Assegai Developments 2
(55) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/marceau_state.png Marceau State 2

@ Cathedral Park, Leá Monde, Assegai
Capacity: 75,000

[AD]
Viktor Krum (56’)
Samantha Neesa (72’)

[MS]
???
???

Yellow Cards:
None

Red Cards:
None

Elves Security Forces

13-04-2007, 08:09

Elven Times
This is How You Start

Given how poorly the elves have started many of their tournaments, it was no surprise that many of the packed Hatire Memorial were indeed nervous going into the match. Perhaps the injection of new blood, new coach, and new philosophies have really taken hold in the squad, as they showed a real vigor and hunger out there on the pitch tonight. Granted, their hunger and press to attack did lead to the counter attack that drew things level at the time, but the superb scoring oppurtunities and pace of play it created far outwieghed the few negatives. Martin was rarely tested from the oppisition, and will dissapointed that he wasn't able to keep the clean sheet. However, the real stars of the game were Jere Jannian and Kiso Night. Both are coming into the qualifiers with certain things to prove, and with their play tonight, but are well on their ways to doing just what they set out to do.

Kiso was a real star out there for the squad. He was constantly challanging the backline of the oppisiton with some good runs. He even took his game into the midfield and heckled their wingers abit, as well as breaking up an attack here and there. His thirst to get to every loose ball really showed me that the youngster has all the makings to be great. I know he had a decent showing last year, but with the semi rebuilding mode the squad is in this tournament, it will be his play that will detirmine how far the squad will rise or fall in the performances game in and game out. Jannain on the wing proved why he has all those domestic league awards with cross after cross that were spot on, and a sending in the great balls on corners and set pieces. Kiso Night would be on the end of one of those set pieces in the fifty seventh when he sent one in from the touch line about thirty yards out that Kiso nailed home on the far post. Earlier Jannian lofted a free kick from just outside the box over the wall and watched it knuckle under Antonio Shrum to put the squad up early in the second half.

Kyla Night was a steady force up front, making her usual runs and performance on the night. Her new responcibility as penalty taker was tested early, after Jack Nystrom was called for a handball in the box. The scoring starlet calmly shoved it into the bottom left corner, where Shrum had anticipated it for the top right. It would be a blocked shot against the lady that would send Canon free in the thirty second, with St. Louis getting a touch on his shot, but not enough to keep it from clipping the crossbar on its' way into the netting.

Overall, this was a good performance for the squad, and the critics of Soler for instituiting this odd formation are silenced for now. However, any upset, or a poor showing in their big match at home in the third matchday against top seed Geisenfried will be sure to see them start barking up again. If the squad has something that needs to be addressed after this match, it is to get the right side of the formation more involved, but that will surely come as the squad gets more situated to the formation.

Elves Security Forces 3
Kyla Night (9) PK
Jere Jannian (48)
Kiso Night (56)

Cookborough 1
Vincent Canon (32)

Article by Luna Santapa

Az-cz

13-04-2007, 08:31

Amda-Mo: And with that all of the past glory from last cup and the strong AOCAF run of the youth team have been forgotten. Slumping to a draw against a Baptism of Fire team.

Lur-Mn: Indeed. Not a good way for Hausen to make his Az-cz coaching debut. He's got big shoes to follow and results like this won't make the Pink & Green faithful happy.

Amda-Mo: How does this affect our qualification chances?

Lur-Mn: It hurts. A lot. This is a very short qualification which means every match counts that much more. If we're struggling with teams like Kampfers imagine the trouble we'll have with a Ropa-Topia. Or heaven forbid we play like this against Oliverry. It could get ugly.

Amda-Mo: So what was the problem out there today?

Lur-Mn: Well for a team that has a defensive coach you can start there. Considering the entire defense was back from last cup it was a poor showing. Haji-Me's back for his third cup as a starter. There's just no excuse for that kind of poor play.

Amda-Mo: And how about the offense?

Lur-Mn: Well we scored twice, but we should have been able to get more. We had plenty of good chances go to waste.

Amda-Mo: Do you think the team was looking past Kampfers?

Lur-Mn: Looking past them to what? The bye next week. It's true we have Oliverry on match day three but we have a bye before that to get ready. If they were looking past the home opener of the world cup to a match two weeks away coach Hausen is a joke. Based on his results I'm sure that wasn't the case.

Amda-Mo: So how did a team that returned every player from the world cup runner up struggle so much?

Lur-Mn: Who knows? But you can be damned sure the team will be working hard to find out. We need those full three points against Oliverry.

Ulzaxid

13-04-2007, 08:53

OOC: This is an Ulzaxid RP not a Bazalonia one, but I did get permission from Baz to do it.

I remember the first time I ever saw an Ulzaxid. I must have been 9 years old, flipping channels on the telly when I flipped onto the Demot-Ulzaxid match. At first I thought it was a sci-fi or horror movie. The camera had just panned over to their coach who had assumed the name Stuart_Abdul_Rahim. He looked absolutely scary but at the same time had a presence that was enrapturing. He looked intelligent but like he could tear your head off at a moments notice. Then they panned out onto the pitch. It took me a while to register it as a soccer match so when they showed all those weird monkey-weasel kind of things I totally flipped out. Now I had never had that much interest in soccer. I usually couldn't sit still and watch a game. But these Ulzaxids were the most interesting thing I ever saw. I was entraced and as the announcer explained a bit about Ulzaxid's and their biology and culture I was amazed. That night I watched a soccer match from start to finish for the first time. I can't really tell you much about what happened on the pitch although the records seem to indicate a 3-1 victory for Demot. Still that night I knew my life had changed forever and that these Ulzaxids would be a major part of my life.

Wentland

13-04-2007, 10:18

"So, Norman...a winning start, you must be pleased."

"Yes...disappointed that we conceded against minnows, but four goals is not all bad."

Somewhere in the background some girlish giggles could be heard.

"There seems to be a new focus to the Swifts lately...what do you put that down to?"

"We have a tough physical regimen..and ensure plenty of rest..."

In the background a cry of "stand by to repel boarders!" was heard and more girlish giggles, followed by a splash.

"The women's squad was paraded before the match as they go into their competition as winners...how much inspiration does that give your team?"

"A lot...they stayed to watch and if I know my lads they will want to beat the girls..."

A thwack was heard in the background, followed by a scream and more laughter.

"And of course I make sure there is plenty of abstinence..."

Suddenly a sopping Sally Summers, naked apart from soap suds around various areas, ran across, screaming delightedly, whilst a suspiciously Carl Hunter-resembling pirate chased after, shouting "avast behind".

Hacker grimaced. "And of course the amateur dramatics. We have a panto coming up..."

Bettia

13-04-2007, 12:28

The Enlightener: more chuffed than a badger in mating season
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y231/bettia/FAB.jpg

Ellis Gets The Last Laugh

Bettia..............................7 (P.Busilanta 1 5 17, B.Busilanta 35, A.Busilanta 54, Miranda 78, Ellis 88 pen)
Kiryu-Shi........................1 (McGee 85)

The Aroras got their World Cup defence off to the perfect start here at Tiddles Park with a crushing 7-1 victory over newcomers Kiryu-Shi.

The Baptism of Fire champions came into this game with a proud unbeaten record, but it took the home team just 57 seconds to cruelly expose their inexperience. After a quick tussle from the kick-off, a long throw from Frank Myfanwy found Kurniawan sprinting up the wing. His cross to the back post appeared to be easy pickings for Crow in the Kiryu-Shi goal, but an awful mix-up between him and Hendrickson saw the ball spill out to Peri Busilanta, who could hardly miss from his unmarked position just five yards out.

One goal quickly became two thanks to the efforts of goalkeeper Mitchell Ellis, who admitted to The Enlightener that he was slightly stung by suggestions he was past his best. After safely gathering the ball, his long drop kick caught the defence flat footed, allowing Peri Busilanta to race clear and slot the ball under the advancing keeper to further punish the visitors.

There was no letup in the Aroras onslaught, and Peri Busilanta completed his hat-trick with little more than a quarter-hour on the clock. A charging run from his club team-mate Adi Bandasera was followed by a cross that was whipped in low across the face of the goal. The young Perumnasih striker stole half a yard from his marker, sliding in to poke the ball home at close range and effectively end the game as a contest.

So far, the match had been the Peri Busilanta show, and his brothers were darned if they were going to let him steal all the glory. By now, the Kiryu-Shi defence were very wary of Peri Busilanta, and so they had taken to placing two markers on him. This of course resulted in extra space opened up for his fellow triplets to exploit, and exploit it they did. A charging run from Peri into the penalty area saw Budi left unmarked in the centre, and a smart cut-back found him with room to place his shot well, sending Bettia into halftime with a very healthy four-goal lead.

All that was left now was for the third of the brothers, Andi, to get in on the act, and he did so less than ten minutes into the second half. After a shot from Peri was parried by Crow, the ball fell to Andi just outside the area, who took great delight in curling it into the top corner.

With all three brothers now safely on the scoresheet, manager Stuart Abdul-Rahim took the opportunity to try out some fresh legs. Andi and Peri Busilanta made way for Abel Abramson and Evan Miranda, with Frank Myfanwy making way to enable Ariel Haynes to take his place in midfield. The ploy seemed to work as Bettia suddenly re-found the spring in their step that had started to fade from the frenetic opening hour. The 17-year old Evan Miranda particularly revelled in the occasion, and it was the Akani Sands starlet who made it 6-0 after he dispatched Bettia's twelth corner of the game with a thumping header.

This sparked something of a mini-fightback from the visitors, and they scored from only their second shot on target thanks to a well-taken Garrett McGee half-volley from Mayberry's sweeping diagonal ball.

But that wasn't the final play of the game. Adi Bandasera, who had been terrorising the Kiryu-Shi defence all afternoon, cut in sharply from the wing and into the area before attempting to dink the ball over the Abramson, who was lurking with intent around the penalty spot. However, the cross was intercepted by the hand of Matthey Pruet, leaving the referee no choice but to award the penalty. Normally, it would be a striker's job to take spot-kicks, but it seems that after his exploits in the WC33 final, goalkeeper Mitchell Ellis has gained a taste for scoring goals and has indeed been named as Bettia's principal penalty taker. So up he stepped to blast the ball stright down the middle to leave the Aroras with a very respectible opening day win.

Around The Grounds

Our first stop is Anyuna, where our puppet nation Northern Bettia were narrowly edged out by Commerce Heights outfit Jasï'yün. Certainly not the ideal start for the Fire Ants, who will hopefully be fired up for their next game away to Holweg.

No such troubles for Jeruselem, who cruised to a 5-1 win over The Maccabees, who were probably distracted by the new Dazza Dallas calendar and DVD. Another big win came courtesy of Qazox, who bulldozed their way past Ghost Tigers Rise with a 7-1 win, whilst elsewhere in the same group, our neighbours Nedalia fell at home to Zwangzug, a team who seem to be making some big strides.

Meanwhile in Group 12, the Gnomes of Az-cz were undermined by a stubborn Kampfers squad, who managed to steal a creditable 2-2 draw from the World Cup finalists. Rumours going around Bettian journalistic circles is that a friendly is being arranged between the two teams on Matchday 9 - watch this space! Or watch someone elses. Or watch your own. It makes no difference.

Fixtures / Results

MD..OPPONENT................VENUE...RESULT

Qualifying Group 3

01: Kiryu-Shi...............HOME....W 7-1
02: BYE
03: Quakmybush..............Away....
04: Gnejs...................Away....
05: Estresse Intenso........HOME....
06: Northern Caesarea.......Away....
07: Lovisa..................HOME....
08: Kiryu-Shi...............Away....
09: BYE
10: Quakmybush..............HOME....
11: Gnejs...................HOME....
12: Estresse Intenso........Away....
13: Northern Caesarea.......HOME....
14: Lovisa..................Away....

Schiavonia

13-04-2007, 14:29

The Schiavone Scribe
Toasted!
[size=3]Schiavonia 6-0 Random Toast

The Schiavonia squad returned to action, and winning ways, against Random Toast in their opening match of World Cup 34 Qualifying. And they were pretty convincing about it, too.

It continues Schiavonia's unbeaten run in qualifiers to 28 games, and an impressive run of just two defeats in their last fifty-five qualifying games. Quite a formidable record for a team who've never passed the quarter finals.

This game was quite a trivial one, as the sloths were four-nil up within twenty-five minutes. The awsome display of attacking play would have been a lot for many better teams than Random Toast to cope with. As it was, it just means that the Sloths ran riot.

The most noteable goal was Schiavonia's fifth, which came shortly after the second half began. Of course, the fifth goal in a six-nil win isn't usually very important, but this was the one that took Colin Chester past his manager's previous record number of goals for Schiavonia. And a hat-trick to boot. Well done that man.

So, all in all, a rather satisfying day. The Sloths will now be flying off to the Unified Capitalizt States to play Capitalizt SLANI in a friendly game. Schiavonia's Team Manager Tony Tarmey has indicated that this will be an opportunity for a few players who wouldn't usually get to play to show their worth for the team.

The most surprising inclusion in the team is that of young Kingsbury Monarchs left-back David Jones, who has only a handful of SchiavOne games to his name. The starting line-up to play Capitalizt SLANI will be as follows:

GK Brenton
LB Jones
CB O'Henry
CB Cueto
RB Bell
MB Kerr
MD Adams
MC G. O'Connor
FR Lewis
FS Hogan
FF Berry

- - - - -

This was something special. David had only been in Schiavonia for a few weeks, but already he was being called into the national team. A team which he had seen play one of the most convincing periods of attacking football he'd ever seen.

That really couldn't be right. He turned the TV on to have a look. And there it was, on SchiaSport News.

"Schiavonia manager Tony Tarmey has today picked young Kingsbury Monarchs left-back David Jones for his squad to travel to the UCS next week. Young David has seemingly come from nowhere to take his place in the team, and is even being touted for the unspectacular Mike O'Connor."

He liked the sound of this.

"We caught up with some of the people who knew David from his early days."

"David was always so enthusiastic about his football as a child..."

The voice sounded familiar

"...and for this to happen to him, when he'd only just moved up there... it's a shock to us all."

"Mum! MUM! CAN YOU HEAR ME?"

But it was no good. There was no response.

St Samuel

13-04-2007, 15:10

Cafundeu (1) 1
Ijak 27

St Samuel (0) 3
Bezzi-Louaza 60
St John 75
Sensini 89

It is reported that over 30000 St Samuel fans made the trip to Cafundeu and many packed the bars around the Presídio, in Carandirú City having not been able to get match day tickets. The atmosphere in the ground was electric and a carinval theme was felt in the St Samuel end as the Crusaders faced there first international opposition outside of the Union of Saint Holden region.

Facing Cafundeu, one of the favourites to qualify, todays match was not going to be easy. The match began with Cafundeu coming out strong and there attacking flowing football looked as though it may consume the St Samuel side. But as witnessed in the pre-World Cup friendlies St Samuel's back four were strong and goal keeper Corinthian made some important saves early on.

St Samuel began to settle into the game and after 15 minutes Junior was forced to make an unbelievable save when Sensini smashed a thirty-yard shot, which was tipped over the bar. It was Ganz Ijak who broke the deadlock on the 27th minute when Priotto's shot was parried by Corinthian and a poor clearence by Le Ricco saw Ijak volley a vicious shot into the roof of the net, to put Cafundeu 1-0 up.

One-nil down the St Samuel fans were still in great voice and for the rest of the half sung Della Penzzi blue & white army.

St Samuel started the second half well and piled pressure onto Cafundeu. On the 60th minute Omar Batista made a surging run down the left flank and curled a ball into Cafundeu's box, a missed punched by Junior saw the ball reach Bezzi-Louaza, who smashed home a header from 4 yards out. The crowd went wild and the atmosphere in the ground was exstatic.

St Samuel nearly got a second goal staright from the re-start when a long ball put St John one-on-one with Junior, who managed to get his hands on the ball. Minutes later Falcus was bought down in the box by St Samuel's Monte-Pellaino. Roars from Cafundeu for a penalty and roars of dive from St Samuel saw a brief shoving contest between some of the players and the referee gave a goal kick instead of a penalty.

With 15 minutes remaining Sensini went on a sensational run taking the ball past three Cafundeu players before squaring the ball to St John who from 10 yards out smashed the ball past Junior to make it 2-1.

With the St Samuel fans going crazy with delight Cafundeu re-started the match and for the remaining ten minutes piled pressure on St Samuel in a bid to get an equalizer. On the 89th minute Cafundeu won a corner, which was curled into the box and volleyed clear by Tyrone Rock. With Cafundeu only leaving one man back for the corner St Samuel counter attacked with Belli-Louaza charging forward, he played the ball left past the only defender and into the path of Sensini who went one-on-one with Junior. Sensini faked right and went left leaving the keeper stranded and passed the ball into the empty net to make the scoreline an unbelieveable 3-1!

St Samuel played out the remaining 3 minutes of injury time with everyone defending and hoofing the ball forward at every given opportunity. When the final whistle went the celebrations began and the St Samuel team remained on the pitch for ten minutes singing and dancing, whilst the crowd praised there victorius team.

Stay tuned to SS Sports News when we have an exclusive interview with St Samuel manager Della Penzzi later tonight.

Carboni

13-04-2007, 15:21

(ooc: this is an Errinundrian RP - the reason for the Carboni post will become apparent in the reading)

Diary of an Errinundrian Football Fan from Carboni

Brawling 0 v The Beautiful Game 5

We don’t play the beautiful game in Carboni. We have this mongrel game of 47-a-side where you can run with the ball and there’s no offside. The field is circular and 250 yards in diameter. Despite the enormous size of the field the 94 players makes for one huge, brawling pack.

I got addicted to real football from watching satellite broadcasts of Errinundrian games via the PINA network. My cousin is an organiser with the Carboni Textile Workers Union and he was able to get from his Errinundrian counterparts a Potoroo uniform for me. Yes, I’m a Potoroo fan. But the best thing yet is that I’m being posted in Errinundera and I’ve been able to score tickets for all their home games. You little ripper.

Sniffer Wombats 1 v Nervous Visitor 0

There aren’t any aeroplanes or cars in Errinundera so the only way I could get there was to bushwalk or catch a riverboat down the Snowy River. Well, bushwalking ain’t my thing so I arrived at the McKillops Bridge wharf the day before the first qualifying match.

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/SnowyRiverRiverboat.png

On the wharf was a gigantic rubbish bin and a sign that says “Please leave meat, leather, guns and cars in bin provided.” Lined up beside the bins were these strange, squat hairy animals, each with a human handler. I swear the animals (I was later told they were sniffer wombats) were talking with the humans. One of them came up to me and pawed at my shoes and my belt. The human, who introduced herself as litora, politely asked me to deposit the offending items in the bin. The sniffer wombat gave me such a steely look that I happily obeyed and threw my spare shoes and wallet (after I’d removed its contents) after them. I didn’t let on but my main suitcase has some leather strapping. I hope no-one finds out.

There were some shops nearby so I was able to get some microfibre shoes and a belt. It seems that the football boots that my cousin had got for me with the uniform are also microfibre. I never noticed. Everything in the shop was very cheap. I think it’s because nobody has much money here in Errinundera.

Netherwallop 2 v Depa Rave 3

Later that day the visiting team also arrived by riverboat. Even though Netherwallop is ranked 159th in the world compared with the Potoroo’s 15th hundreds of thousands of Bridge Folk lined the banks of the Snowy River to greet them. Like me the Netherwallopers were taken aback by the sniffer wombats and complied with their directions nervously. But they soon found the Errinundrian hospitality irresistible. Rumours abounded that half the team got smashed that night at a depa gas rave.

Kingfishers 0 v White Guard 0

McKillopians might love visiting football teams but, I tell you, they are quite capable of hating each other. You see, the city has two rival football teams and the fans of each loathe the fans of the other with a ferocious passion. The McKillops Bridge Kingfishers are the most successful team in the history of the Errinundera Football Association. The Milosis White Guard are perennial also-rans until the most recent season when, under the leadership of the angelic genderqueer rosaniel, they won the championship. This has not gone down well with Kingfisher fans.

The first match of qualifying was being played at the Milosis Coliseum, the home ground of the White Guard. The organisers ensured that only club members and outsiders like myself could get tickets. The Kingfishers rioted on the morning of the match, burning down may Milosian businesses surrounding the stadium. The White Guard fans egged them on by mooning them from the top of the stands.

Errinundera 4 (snaporoo 9, rosaniel 28 & 87, carltu 47) v Netherwallop 2 (36 & 57)

Despite being mid-Autumn, the weather on matchday was clear and warm. This allowed many of the fans to sun themselves in the stands completely naked. Those near the top of the stands continued to moon the fuming Kingfishers in a desultory manner.

Netherwallop, despite their minnow ranking, played superbly against the more skilled and experienced Potoroos. The fans enthusiastically supported the players of both teams. What a strange, split personality these McKillopians have! They hate their neighbours and welcome strangers with open arms and copious drugs.

I got to see the Errinundrian gorilla stomp. Each time a goal is scored everyone jumps up, chants “Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo’’, rocks from side to side and scratches their armpits. To tell the truth, watching thousands of middle-aged Errinundrians perform this ritual is not the most edifying sight in the world.

Two of the Errinundrian goals were scored by the revered rosaniel. It was sheer bedlam. People danced and hugged and carried on like pork chops. (Do they know what pork chops are?) Hundreds of fans ran onto the pitch and mobbed their hero. rosaniel is 37 years old and clearly not the player que used to be. Nevertheless quer aura has not been diminished one whit.

At the end of the match both teams were chaired from the ground, presumably to another depa gas rave. I went in search of my own. I can’t remember what happened after that.

Fort Europe

13-04-2007, 18:59

L'OGGLINN QUAKED PHOR
THE OPPOSITION QUAKED UP

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/Football/WC%2034/34002.jpg
The new look team for a new World Cup

Fort Europe - 3 - V - 2 - Bushes Been Quaked

Report by Amy Bystander, Commonwealth News.

It's never easy starting out in the first match of a new tournament, especially when it's the most prestigious tournament in the whole of NationStates. It can not therefore be a surprise that Fort Europe struggled to find their feet during the first half of their opening game against puppet nation Bushes Been Quaked, nor can anyone argue at the result which saw the home side come back from two goals down to win the match and take all three valuable points.

Shaun Miller must have said something right during the half time team talk because the performance of the home side improved exponentially in the second half of the match. Fort Europe fought back valiantly, taking back the ground they had lost in the first half, then going on to win the match with just minutes to spare on the clock. Karl Isaak was unsurprisingly on form, finding the target first with a clean strike from Michelle Bishop's pass across the face of goal. New guy Ethan Jatzi then made a long run down the right side to cross into Shaun Pearson who headed against the cross bar where once again Karl Isaak was there to tap the ball into the net for his second.

For the third goal it was Isaak's turn to provide the creative play, and this time it was left winger Mia Nevola who got the last touch to put her name on the score sheet for the winning goal. Mia's name was sung out by fans long after the final whistle had blown. The Commonwealth's top national side lie third in Group 11 after their first match, with the teams above them both scoring a massive six goals a piece, leaving the group strangely exactly how the bookmakers are predicting it will finish.

PLAYER RATINGS
(Out of 10)

7 - James West
7 – Murphy Lee
8 – Shaun Pearson
6 – Francis Rowe
8 – Mia Nevola (87)
7 – Curzon Thyre
7 – Andy Fletcher []
7 – Ryan Holmes (C)
8 – Ethan Jatzi
8 - Michelle Bishop
9 - Karl Isaak (62,69)

SUBS

- - Tom Reas
7 - Mike Young (On for Rowe (45))
- – Katherine Keller
7 – Will Ingue - (On for Thyre (45))
- - Josephine Blanchard

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/Football/WC%2034/34003.jpg
Andy Fletcher was booked for this challenge

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/Football/WC%2034/34001.jpg
Bushes Been Quaked take the lead

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/Football/WC%2034/23004.jpg
Karl Isaak celebrates victory

Neitar vith xuil biu Mirshann!
Never fuck with an Angel

Bostopia

13-04-2007, 19:11

“Two one! Over Sativaville!”

This was turning into a good day, you think. You’d just watched Aleksander Cripps’ two goals in the 19th and 56th minutes put Bostopia 2 – 0 ahead before Emil Timmerman pulled one back for Sativaville in the 84th minute. Your nerves had been fraught for the last 8 minutes of play, but that was over now. You looked at the clock above the mantelpiece. 9:35PM. Not bad, you think, time to do something, anything.

“Going out for a little while” You call into the front room, “I’ve got my phone and my keys.” You continue.

You don’t know when you’re going to be home, but you’ll have contact with your folks and a way of slipping in unnoticed at stupid o’clock in the morning, if it comes to that. It is a Friday night afterall.

“Who plays World Cup fixtures on a Fri-”

Your thought is interrupted by Sophia, your sister. Turns out she’s bored and fancies the walk. She can be a bit clingy to you, but it’s no hassle. After a couple moments, she finally manages to find her coat, and you open the front door, stepping out into the front garden. After a few steps, you open the gate, and your feet touch the pavement. You look left, then right. Greanner Road is devoid of people. Well, at least out in the street.

“The neighbours are probably watching from behind the curtains anyway.”

This part of town was a bit upmarket, so the older folk always used the term “neighbourhood watch” or “just looking out for you” to explain the twitching curtains. Half of them think your family is weird anyway. Sure, you’re by no means conventional, but you’re not the ones washing the car every Sunday without fail. If Dad wanted it washing, Dad would take it to the car wash.

“So, where we going?” Sophia asks you.

You have no idea.

“I don’t know.” You respond. “Figured I’d go out the door and just start walking.”

“Can we go right?”

Rather random, you think, but fate has a way of being random sometimes.

“See no reason why not…” you respond, and start walking down the street, toward Brigvale Avenue.

You listen to the conversation your sister makes – experiences during Militia Training. Apparently the officers had been trying to give her a hard time, but she’d rose above it. You thought it was good for her that she’d grown up able to fight her own battles. Course, it was you who taught her to do so, with some help from your dad, while your mum was unawares that her “little girl” was learning to fight from the best.

“Not that either of us fight much with anyone. Only when need be.”

Dad taught you that much, protect yourself, and the law is on your side in this country. You get to the corner of Greanner Road and Brigvale Avenue and turn left, heading toward town. On the right hand side of the road is your primary school, with its playing fields behind it. Your sister spots you looking at it.

“You miss it?”

“Huh?”

“Brigvale Infants and Juniors!” She exclaimed rather positively.

“Oh. Not really. Miss being that young maybe, but that’s about it.”

“Yeah…the world was such a different place then. But I guess it’s safer now.”

You agreed it was safer now. Bostopia’s enemies had all but vanished. Junista was still a small threat, but you had most of West Isle, the Bostopian Strait, and East Isle inbetween you and them. You doubted whether Junistan planes would be able to fly as far as the East Isle coast, let alone to Riikenberg. Yes, you were quite safe from foreign enemy now. Bostopia had signed a treaty with Vladmiristak a couple years ago while still being allied to Outer Sygon. An attack on Bostopia by one of the allies would have surely meant retaliatory action by the other of Bostopia’s allies.

“The Emperor might act daft, but he knows what he’s doing”

You walk down the road further. A park is coming up on the right-hand side. You’d have to worry about these in other countries at this time of night, but not here. The police were on patrol nearly 24/7, plus, the CCTV cameras practically did their job for them.

“Ah, Chris is in the park with Becky, don’t mind if we go over do ya Soph?”

“Depends if he gets us tickets or not!”

“I trust him.”

You walk into the park with Sophia by your side. Chris sees you and you’re greeted by him, while Sophia goes over and talks to Becky, Chris’ older sister.

“Hey man, what’s up?”

“Nothing much,” You respond “Any word on the tickets?”

“Yep. They go on sale tomorrow.”

“Cool. How much?”

“£60.”

“Sixty pounds?!?” You exclaim. “The BFA’s gone mad!”

“No, no, wait. That’s for the four of us.”

“What? How?”

“Well, Dad works for the Riikenberg Area FA doesn’t he? Got ‘em on the cheap, and before they went on sale.”

You’re astounded. The game was weeks, months away yet, yet your friend has again come up trumps. You dig around in your wallet, and find £40.

“£15 each?” You ask.

“You got it?”

“Easily.” You respond, and hand over £30 to Chris.

“Cheers Mark. Dad’ll be getting the tickets soon through the post.” He informs you, as a giggle comes over from the girls.

“Didn’t know Becky’s into football, mate.” You admit.

“She’s not. But you know my parents, you’re not going if she’s not. Thinks I need looking after.”

“But you do, mate, remember when you managed to get us in that fight with the Laquaris?”

“Shut up. It’s her liver that needs looking after, the amount of alcohol she throws down it.”

“Each to their own mate. Each to their own.”

Turori

13-04-2007, 19:21

http://www.3wideracing.com/3wide/sites/ao/turori/images/logo.gif

Fort Europe awaits?

Thankfully the Turori Eels were at home in their first qualifying match of World Cup 34, or else they may not have made it to the pitch. Only the arrival of the opposition, Holweg, alerted coach Riailia Magic and his squad that they were due to play a match. Many Turorians had forgotten about the cup itself, unwilling to participate in trivial pre-cup ceremonies and never being officially invited to the proper show. Thankfully, Holweg is not that great of a team, and despite the lack of preparation, the Eels made a meal of their opposition even if Tuia Miao had to be replaced at the half with a bit of a groin strain.

The match started off slow with no goals in the opening half hour as the eels looked to find their footing and the Holweg Monsters trying to adapt to the climate. Finally though, Seu-Riaula Vinaviia broke the deadlock with a quick double as half time approached. After starring in the Vilita & Turorian AOCAF championship, midfield Ceika Mlaka showed that he could translate that into quality performances on the world stage with an inch perfect through ball that Vinaviia could do absolutely no wrong with. Just three minutes later it was Vinaviia once again off a corner kick rising highest and heading into the back of the net to give the Eels a 2-0 lead at the half.

Despite not being worked in the first half, keeper Tuia Miao would not return for the second half, apparently stiffening up on the pitch and suffering some sort of a groin strain in the locker room. Cocoabo #1 replaced him on goal and had a rough start when Holweg attempted a shot at goal from the kickoff, catching the Cocoabo off guard and shocking the homeside as Holweg pulled a goal back with still 45 minutes to play. Holweg pressed for an equalizer and it came just 5 minutes later through another Cocoabo mistake, making the score 2-2. The equalizing goal served as a wake up call for the Eels, as did the introduction of Imaima Cziil.

Cziil would ignite the Turori attack with a trio of goals, recording his first ever international hattrick and the Man of the Match award despite playing only the final thirty-five minutes.

Turori Eels 5 - 2 Holweg

Despite the opening match victory, many pundits are not confident in the Eels chances of qualification from the group. Despite being second seed behind The Archregimancy, pundits from Az-Cz and Elves Security Forces have written off the Eels chances of finishing in the top 2 and relegated them to a place in the playoffs as the groups 3rd finisher, with the Elves Security Forces going as far as predicting a Turorian defeat in the playoffs and a return to the Cup of Harmony for the Atlantian Oceania nation. They do predict, however, that the Eels would meet up with Fort Europe in a potential playoff match, a meeting which the Turorian faithful have been looking forward to but not yet receiving since World Cup 32. The Eels would prefer, of course, to prove the pundits wrong and meet up with Fort Europe in their World Cup Finals group instead.

http://www.3wideracing.com/3wide/sites/ao/turori/images/turbot.gif

Acapais

13-04-2007, 19:41

James: “This year is going to be the year I just know it.”

James drinks

Alex: “Hey I’m telling you for the last time. Acapais will not qualify for the World Cup on their second try.”

James drinks

“Well why the hell not we have veteran coach. We have Van Savage. WE HAVE VAN SAVAGE!”

Drinks

“Listen to me I’m older I know what I’m talking about. We have a bran new league, yes, but these other nations just know what to expect from us.”

Drinks

“No way, Basil and Theo predict a strong finish from us. Az-cz Scroll predicts a second place finish in qualifying. SECOND PLACE”

Drinks

“You have your opinions and I have mine and that’s the way…” *BURP* “it’s going to be. I say once I’ll say it again you are wrong.”

Drinks

“You’re just a God Damn nay-sayer. You think everything that doesn’t match your…” *BURP* “way is wrong. Wow that was loud.” (to others) “HEY, YOU IDIOTS KEEP IT DOWN. I DON’T NEED TO KNOW WHO WON THE 9 BALL GAME”

Chugs a pint

Trey: “You got backwards pal. It’s you that needs to shut your mouth otherwise you won’t have one.”

Drinks

James: “Are you sayin, you wan a piece ov me?”

Drinks

“Watch your tounge!”

Drinks

Alex: “Alright, Alright knock it off you two or I’ll have the bartender put a boot to your behind.”

Drinks

James: “Tanks man. I didn’t want to squab with anycat.”

Drinks

“Not a problem mate.”

Drinks

“You know you’re wong about Acapais not qualfying”

“Please, not again”

“Oh come on, we av Jose an Duke an Murphy.”

Drinks

“You’re not making any sense. Plus we have never played any of the teams in our group. None. That mean no experience.”

Drinks

“Yeah, but… but… we ave facilaries an balls an sspirum an frogly an S’jet.

Drinks

“S’JET?! WHAT?!?! What does S’jet have to do with anything? Nevermind. Don’t answer that. You need to stop drinking mate. You’re inebriated beyond the limit.”

“……”

“F**kin hell. I’ll take you home, let’s go”

Next match for Acapais:

@ Bostopia http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/bostopia.png

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Acapais RP Threads
Roster Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12478731&postcount=9)
Acapais PreWC Press Conference (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12491022&postcount=23)
Acapais v Sel Appa Friendly (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12492699&postcount=26)
WCQ Draw (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12535022&postcount=19)
MD2 pre-game

Vilita

13-04-2007, 19:43

http://www.3wideracing.com/3wide/sites/ao/vilita/images/ttov.gif

Issah Congratulated at Dinner

Vilitan Football Association president Rory Issah was recognized at a dinner in his honor following Vilita's World Cup 34 Qualifying match against Haraki in Alikki-Corra. Issah, who has served on the board of the Vilitan Football Association ever since retiring as a member of the playing staff, has been considering stepping down from his post as Football Association President for some time, and saved the historic announcement for the dinner being held in his honor.

"First of all, I would like the thank all of you for coming tonight. It has been a great year, not only for me, but for all of us in Vilita. While we couldn't quite get that second Cup of Harmony trophy, Ricky and his boys made up for it by bringing the Atlantian Oceania trophy back home where it belongs right here in Alikki-Corra. As many of you have expected, I will be stepping down as President of the Football Association at the end of the current World Cup campaign. Hopefully we can make it through to the finals, I have great confidence in our head coach Callum Banda, and also in our next Football Association president who will be working with me and Callum throughout the season to ensure a smooth transition. While I know speculation has been heavy on exactly who would be named as my successor, your just going to have to wait a little longer! We'll be revealing that information at the end of the qualifying campaign at some point."

Issah, who was on hand to watch Vilita defeat Harak by a 3-1 scoreline earlier in the day at the Tivali Ring Stadium, was being honored not only for his great contributions to the sport in Vilita, but also to the World Cup itself. Since his introduction as President of the Vilitan Football Association, the former national team Goalkeeper was instrumental in standardization of many aspect of the World Cup itself, including public roster referencing, the revelation of the rights of the press covering a match before your own nation was able to and singular formatting of National entries into the competition. In typical style, however, Issah perhaps saved the best for last, with his proposal on the Reform of the Host Selection Process which was passed by a landslide margin when recently put to vote by the World Cup Committee.

Issah, while never considered for the World Cup Hall of Fame as a player or coach, has certainly made his impact on the National and International stage as the leader of the Vilitan Football Association, leaving large shoes to fill for his predecessor, whoever that may be.

Tynelia

13-04-2007, 20:52

“So that about wraps things up today on The Sports Show so for…what’s this? Hold on people someone’s handing me a piece of paper…what you’re kidding? Already? Um to our surprise viewers it seems the soccer World Cup qualifiers actually started today. Now viewers may be wondering why the match wasn’t held on national television like it usually is and official word from the Tynelian Soccer Federation is …’Oops.’

“Yes viewers that’s it. Now I may be Jim Jennings and I may just be the sports guy on the Sports Show, but you’d think something that happens every four years might actually get a bit more play around here. Especially with the game being held in Tynelia. Its not like we’re coming off another unsuccessful campaign here, I mean we actually qualified last time after all, won our group and everything.

“Well the good news is we beat UIE by a 2-1 score. A couple early goals by the MacDougal brothers was enough to counter a late tally by the visitors. Since the game wasn;t televised it seems we don’t even have any clips of the match to show you, just this scrap of paper here with the scores. Oh wait here’s another scrap. Hmm looks like things were pretty ho-hum in the group with the top three seeds all winning today. Nothing major to be found here. A few big blowouts in the other groups but that doesn’t effect us.

“Since we didn’t have any time left when I started it looks like we’re really over our allotted time for this segment so let’s take it back to the anchors and maybe next time some network will actually cover the damned match!”

Zwangzug

13-04-2007, 21:51

Zwangzug's e-Lipogram: Friday, April 13
A Lucky Start

Zwangzug's national football squad had an auspicious start to its World Cup 34 qualification campaign, winning 2-1 away against what's probably its opposition for a playoff spot in group 7. Said "Lions" got a goal as half 1 wound down, tying it up (Olson had a goal of his own first). Phillip Stings' 2nd half shot off a pass from Yul Maughum had it finish up as a Zwangzug win.

Zwangzug's squad will host soon, hoping for a third straight victory against a squad. (Both of only two matchups against it prior to this took in Group 2 of World Cup 33 Qualification.) Zwangzug's squad wound up in fifth in said group, its forthcoming opposition in 8th.

Qazox

13-04-2007, 21:57

QSPNFootball.com Match Report

QAZOX 7- Ghost Tigers Rise 1

A through whipping today as WC34 qualifiers began and Qazox demolished GTR 7-1 in a match that should have been stopped after 30 minutes.

Jonathon Sarafin became just the 3rd Black Oxen to score a hat-trick in the 1st half and tied the record for most goals scored with 4 as he began and ended the scoring quickly. Just over a minute in and Sarafin knocked a solid shot through the defense and it was 1-0. Just 6 minutes later, in an almost replay of the first goal, Sarafin made it 2-0 and the rout was on. Sonja Clay added a goal in the 19th to make it 3-0, and Sarafin finished his hat in the 24th on a penalty kick.

With the lead now 4-0, Qazox began to slow the pace down, but the GTR defense was a porous as a sponge shot with buckshot. Regina Reginald made it 5-0 just before the half whistle blew. The second half saw Turek place in GK Hernan Cortez as Greg Wolfen complained of chest pains during the half. We are pleased to note that Wolfen's chest pains were only indigestion, and nothing else serious. Kyle Horton made it 6-0 in the 64th minute, and Sarafin finsihed it off in the 68th following a brilliant steal and weave. The lone GTR goal came in the 88th minute when Cortez misplayed a corner and allowed a rebound to go in.

Up next for the Oxen is a trip to St Pauls Isle, a surprising 2-1 winners over Sqournshelous. If they can beat the Psychoes, then they are a team to be truly reckoned with.

Scoring Summary:
QAZOX: Sarafin (4) 2', 8', 24', 68'; Clay- 19', Reginald- 44', Horton- 64'
GTR: 88'

Kiryu-shi

13-04-2007, 22:20

Kiryu-shi Decimated in Bettia

By Michio Hibbert

Gabalfa, Bettia Kiryu-shi looked lost on the field visiting defending World Cup Champions Bettia in both team’s first matches in World Cup 34 qualifiers. Suffering their first loss ever, Kiryu-shi managed to give up the same amount of goals in this one match than they did in the entire ten match Baptism of Fire tournament, as they lost seven to one. The Kiryu-shi team looked intimidated from even before the match started, as they found themselves practicing on the same field as some of their favorite international stars, surrounded by a sea of passionate, foreign fans. The pre-game practice found many players on the team out of sync as passes kept missing their targets and rolling out of play, even with no defenders.

____When the match started, they didn’t look any more comfortable, as they gave up a goal to Peri Busilanta within the first minute of the match. Kurniawan sprinted past the normally swift Isacc Levi in order to launch a shot on goal, which Sidney Hendrickson valiantly deflected, but he didn’t clear the ball, and it trickled to Busilanta who scored an easy first goal with Jon Crow caught completely out of position. This would be the first of many highlights for Peri in this match. Kiryu-shi tried to attack Bettia quickly to try to even the game up, as Hellen Gandy received a pass long pass from Pat Mayberry and tried to find Garret McGee in front of the net, but her airborne pass flew too far and was quickly gathered in by veteran Bettia keeper Mitchell Ellis. His quick kick flew over the head of a stumbling Doug LeBlanc, who was supposed to be staying on Peri Busilanta. Peri capitalized on a defensive mistake for the second time as he managed to put the ball past a charging Crow to score his second quick goal of the match. LeBlanc was the most affected by the pressure throughout the whole game. His unstable play, letting Peri scoring yet another goal in the 17th minute is troubling, considering that he is one of the most versatile and explosive players on the Kiryu-shi roster. Although Coach Bruce Lewis left LeBlanc in though the first half, fellow defenders Pruet and Moya had to help out defending Busilanta to keep him from scoring even more goals. Of course, his two brothers, Budi and Andi were able to get open to score a goal each, making the match five nothing by the 54th minute. Kiryu-shi had replaced three defenders exausted and under-preforming defenders at this point, taking out Levi, Hendrickson and the troubled LeBlanc in favor of Esra Goldenbock, Martin Jones and Orson Wells, respectively. The change didn’t seem to affect the Bettia onslaught too much, as Bettia second-stringer Ariel Haynes scored a beautiful goal off a corner, as Kiryu-shi’s central defenders looked weary and slow to the ball. The Dragons finally put a goal away in the 85th minute, as Mayberry finally found some space to control the ball on the right wing, delivering a cross that McGee, who barely had any touches during the match, was able to knock into the net. Bettia kept on attacking, and Matthew Pruet, who had a long match trying to control the defensive line, threw his arm at a cross inside the penalty area. Bettia keeper Mitchell Ellis made Jon Crow look silly, as Crow took a dive to his left while Ellis took the penalty kick right where Crow was standing. The match finally ended soon after that 88th minute goal, with Kiryu-shi looking discouraged and disheartened coming off the field.

____Kiryu-shi will look forward to play their first ever home international match against the formidable Quakmybush squad. They are led offensively by veterans Jon Fields in midfield and Cory Sorley as a forward. They play an interesting 4-2-4 formation, with veteran leadership coming from their defensive line. Greg Hughes looking to play in his 101st career international game, and fellow defenders Harry Gait, Jorge Valez, and Bob Hughes all reaching the 100 match mark against Kiryu-shi this week. In fact, six players in all will be making their 100th appearance in international play against Kiryu-shi, making this game a possibly special match for Quakmybush as well as Kiryu-shi. It will be interesting to see of Kiryu-shi can rebound from their loss to put up a fight. If they can, it will be a strong testament to the leadership of Bruce Lewis and co-captains Pruet and Mayberry. LeBlanc is expected to make the start, although there are rumors that he may be benched if he continues his erratic defending. After the first match, Kiryu-shi is buried at the bottom of their qualifying group, and look forward for the chance to improve their record.

Cafundeu

13-04-2007, 23:04

OLHO NO LANCE! YOUR SPORTS MAGAZINE
SHORT MATCH REPORT MADE BY SÍLVIO RUIZ
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TEAM SHOWS AGAIN THAT DOESN'T PLAY WELL AT HOME

http://img.terra.com.br/i/2007/04/13/491825-2418-ga.jpg
David Nefasto is protected by the police

Remember the last World Cup qualifiers? I bet you do. Cafundéu lost many games at home, while didn't lose a single game playing away. This seems to be happening again, as the team lost its first game at home against St Samuel. Some of the supporters, most of them prisoners of the local prison, protested after the game and tried to invade the field, after the final whistle. Cafundéu lost by the result of 3x1.

Before you start thinking "Oh my God, what a disaster", please note that the team played well, and that the opponent wasn't a bad team. Unfortunately, the changes in the tactics and new strategies made by the new coach David Nefasto weren't used well, and the team couldn't attack with efficiency, losing many good chances.

The game started good, with both teams having good chances to score. Cafundéu had a good one in the eleventh minute, when the young midfielder Dário dribbled two opponents before shooting. Unfortunately, his shot wasn't so good and Corinthian made a secure save. The game continued exciting, with many missed chances.

Finally, after the middle of the first half, Cafundéu scored. Ray Kirs started an intelligent attack and passed the ball to Priotto. The defensive midfielder shot with strength to the goal. Corinthian saved, but Ganz Ijak was able to volley the ball to the goal after a mistake made by the defender. A beautiful goal. The first half ended with Cafundéu advantage.

For the second half, the coach David Nefasto decided to made some changes in the team, keeping the offensive strategy of the team. Heitor left the game and Barbosa entered in his place. One interesting note is that St Samuel's fans could be heard in average volume, even only occupying 20% of the stadium and with the Cafundelense supporters using their drums and tambourines. The teams returned for the second half with different attitudes.

The visitors returned to the game motivated and willing to play better. Cafundéu didn't return very well, and Nefasto's changes didn't make a positive effect. The team lost most of the ball possession and, after some bad minutes of the Monopolists, a goal. A crossing that seemed inoffensive made by Batista reached Bezzi-Louaza's head, after a mistake made by Júnior. The midfielder headed and scored the goal.

After suffering the goal, Cafundéu's coach tried to attack more, putting Kemp in Priotto's place. The team even had some chances to score, but had to hold St Samuel in many attacks too. After some minutes, St John received the ball after a confusion in the midfield, dribbled Barbosa and Sávio Ferrari and shot to score the second goal of St Samuel.

Nefasto ordered the team to attack even more, willing to score. In the last minutes, all Cafundéu players were inside the area. Kliek took a corner and the goalkeeper Júnior headed, but the ball went over the bar. In the last minute, Sensini started a counterattack, with finished with the last goal of the game.

After the game, the supporters started to criticize the players and the coach and protested. The St Samuel players were still in the field thanking the supporters, and some Cafundelenses tried to invade the field. Fortunately, the police controlled the situation and protected the players of both teams, arresting some people and taking them to Carandirú City's prison, although many of them were already prisoners.

The coach David Nefasto tried to explain the bad result: "Well, we tried, but they played better... well... erm... that's it". The goalkeeper Júnior said a bit more: "We had a good first half, controlling the midfield. We even had some good chances to score the second goal, but we didn't. They returned better and surprised us, scoring the goals. Everybody knows that we play better away than at home, so we still are strong".

An interesting fact is that Globo Multimedia didn't broadcast the game, maybe due to technical problems. We also discovered that the commentator Breno Gavião is sick, and that he won't return soon. We contacted Globo to ask about that situation, and got this answer: "We're having some problems and unfortunately weren't able to broadcast the game. We're trying to fix them as soon as possible".

The message also said: "This is a serious technical problem, so Globo Multimedia won't be able to show on television the next game of Cafundéu in the World Cup qualifiers". We contacted Breno Gavião too, who said: "(cough, cough) I'm not verrrrry well today, but I... arrrrrgh... want to rrrrreturn soon and will follow my doctor's rrrrrecommendations."

http://img140.imageshack.us/img140/3638/semttulobd1.png
Cafundéu suffers a goal

CAFUNDÉU 1x3 ST SAMUEL

Place: Presídio, in Carandirú City.
Attendance: 75,000 people.
Referee: Hanz Boscharfner (Geisenfried).
MOTM: Corinthian (St Samuel).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Júnior, Covas, Kirs, Becão and Sávio Ferrari (Kliek 81'); Anormal, Priotto (Kemp 62'), Dário and Falcus; Heitor (Barbosa 45') and Ijak.
Coach: David Nefasto.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/st_samuel.png ST SAMUEL: Corinthian, Rock, Monte-Pellaino, Le Ricco and Zaggi (Louardi 45'); Sensini, De Villion, Bezzi-Louaza and Batista; St John and Mazzeranni (Pesarddi 62').
Coach: Louis Della Penzzi

Goals:CAF: Ijak 27'.
STS: Bezzi-Louaza 60' , St John 75' , Sensini 89'.

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Cafundéu - next game's formation: Júnior, Covas, Kirs, Becão and Namarra; Anormal, Priotto, Falcus and Kliek; Heitor and Ijak.
Coach: David Nefasto.
Style of +2

Match's Referee: Marcus Möusler (Acapais).

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(OOC: due to lack of time, I didn't post a Globo Multimedia match report (with image editing and etc). The same thing will happen tomorrow, but Globo Multimedia will return in MD03)

Estresse Intenso

13-04-2007, 23:30

Doctor Rogério Landau comes running. He reaches his office ten minutes after the end of the game between Estresse Intenso and Northern Caesarea. He looks to his assistants, and they seem very sad.

DR. LANDAU - "Sorry, I slept too much and missed the game. But looking at your faces, we probably lost."

DR. SABIN - "Yes, boss. We lost the game."

DR. LANDAU - "I suppose that it's very bad."

DR. SABIN - "Of course it is."

DR. LANDAU - "And what about Cafundéu."

DR. SABIN - "They lost too, against a minor-ranked team, playing at home."

DR. LANDAU - "I suppose that it's very good."

DR. SABIN - "Of course it is."

DR. LANDAU - "So let's commemorate! Those monarchists, idiot people of Cafundéu were deserving that! We must show them that we're better! Please, bring me the cachaça. The pinga, fast! And don't forget the desserts and the champagne!"

DR. SABIN - "But boss, how can we commemorate if our team lost the game? Estresse Intenso's result is more important than Cafundéu's one."

DR. LANDAU - "I don't mind. I have the right to commemorate. They must be paying money for our opponents to incentivate them to win the games against us, so I must commemorate this occasion."

DR. SABIN - "I think that you just want to drink..."

DR. LANDAU - "It's not your business. Bring me the drinks!"

St Samuel

13-04-2007, 23:38

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/st_samuel.png

Welcome to SS Sports News, a fantastic day of football saw a historic moment in history for St Samuel football. Many have spoken of St Samuel as the wipping boys of group 5, but a strong performance against a very good Cafundeu side showed the world that St Samuel can compete. Whilst it is very early days, St Samuel manager, Louis Della Penzzi, has told the media not to become over confident and expect to much from the team. In a post match interview Della Penzzi said "I have huge amounts of respect for Cafundeu and told my players before the match to respect them, as they play great football. At the end of the day we played fantastic, battled for everything and the travelling St Samuel fans made it feel like we had a 12th man on the pitch. Whilst we will be celebrating the result tonight I am not going to allow the team to dwell on it. Tomorrow I will bring the team back down to earth and have a light training session before we depart back to St Samuel. The result must not go to our heads."

Meanwhile it has been reported that a number of St Samuel fans have been injured outside the ground after angry Cafundeu fans vented there anger. Thankfully the trouble was quickly dealt with by the local police and the St Samuel fans were escorted back to there coaches. The St Samuel Football Association have praised the Cafundeu police and authroities for there professionalism .

St Samuel goal keeper Niclas Corinthian has been praised for his outstanding performance and was named as man of the match. The Latin Crusaders face Fmjphoenix next at home and Della Penzzi has said that he will be naming the same team for the fixture.

Mekhule

14-04-2007, 01:08

EXTERMINATED

Report by Joshua Schneebles, Commonwealth News.

I truly do not believe any other word covers the thrashing Mekhule received at the hands of the Monks who put five past Khan Revanna's side without reply, and left Orvile in goal wondering just who he had upset to deserve such a punishment. The Commonwealth side therefore start off bottom of Group 2 after the first match with a long up hill struggle ahead of them if they are to achieve anything near a respectable finish in this qualifying round of the NS World Cup. Team Manager Khan Revanna said afterwards that he had no idea how to respond to such a mauling of his team, and would have to double the level of training the players were undergoing if they were ever to come near to making up the ground they had lost in the opening match. No one expects Mekhule to do well here, but few people would have thought such a result as this would befall the side so soon in the competition.

Sel Appa

14-04-2007, 01:17

Group Analysis

The Turtles were drawn into Group 6, along with Jeruselem, Schorisalami or whatever, The HURD, Raging Penguins, The Macabees, and finally, Oglethorpia.

Jeruselem, known for its porn star Dazza Dallas, is at the top of the group, ranked second. They defeated Sel Appa in its first Finals 0-2. And probably will smash the Turtles again in the home and away matches. Coach Charles DuPont is confident that Sel Appa will draw against them at home. They are expected to easily secure first place in group.

Next up, are the Turtles of Sel Appa, our own team which close a huge rank gap at 31st. They are quite able to secure second or third place in group.

Then we come to Schorisalami, a nation who has not been spellable by anyone...anywhere. Their team is ranked 42 and they do have the ability to get the autoqualifying second place. The Turtles will try and certainly can beat these Unspellables.

After that are the HURD robots, which are made up of...well...robots. Somehow they are well-programmed enough to play some good football. The Turtles played them in the previous qualifiers and won both: 3-2 at home and 3-0 at the HURD. They should easily be defeated by Sel Appa.

Raging Penguins slip in fifth in group. Ranked 87th, they suck and are known for violence, death, and destruction. They hate winning, but somehow defeated Sel Appa once in the 22nd Cup of Harmony that joined an earlier draw in that tournament. Sel Appa has now advanced far above them and they should be dispatched fairly easily at least once.

The Macabees take sixth in the group. No rank data is available for them and little is known about their team. Both matches are expected to be wins for Sel Appa.

And finally, to round off the group, Oglethorpia, which we also have no rank data about. Again, the Turtles should easily send them packing.

Predicted Finish
Jeruselem
Sel Appa
The HURD
Raging Penguins
Schorisalami
The Macabees
Oglethorpia

Sel Appa is expected to take second place and automatically qualify with a little work.

Assegai Developments

14-04-2007, 01:22

The Crimson Blade
Dodging American Fist

After a dismal 2-2 draw with Marceau State at home, the Assegai Developments National Football team spent the next week preparing for their next match, on the road, against newcomers American Fist.

As always, facing a new, unranked team comes with its dangers as exemplified when highly touted Cáfundeu lost to unranked St. Samuel in the first week of qualifying,. Assegai wants to make sure they don’t suffer the same fate.

Assegai Manager Sir Knight Edgard Zúniga kept the same roster from Week 1, stating that these starting 11 were much better than they showed in their first game.

Goaltender
#42 Akihiko Yoshida – (Rinaldi Gunners, Elves Security Forces)

Defenders
#4 Francis Rowe – (Sutina Saints, Fort Europe)
#70 Barnard Mallowburne – (S.C. Vagrant Hills)
#2 A.J. Durai – (A.C. Leá Monde)
#25 Stephen Maison – (Assegai Developments F.C.)

Midfielders
#31 Alys Spicer – (Matata Wanderers, Fort Europe)
#10 Ashley Riot (C) – (Assegai Developments F.C.)
#69 Fleur Delacour (Assegai Developments F.C.)

Forwards
#5 Severus Snape – (F.C. Capri, Elves Security Forces)
#33 Viktor Krum – (Assegai Developments F.C.)
#20 Samantha Neesa – (Char Sara Inferno, Elves Security Forces)

Reserves
GK #3 Callo Merlose – (Char Sara Inferno, Elves Security Forces)
GK #1 Winnefred Save – (Cathedral Spooks D.C.)
DEF #76 John Hardin – (D.S. Assegai)
DEF #8 Romeo Guildenstern – (Ascama United, Fort Europe)
DEF #7 John Müllenkamp – (Cathedral Phantoms F.C.)
DEF #22 Jan Rosencrantz - (Ascama United, Fort Europe)
DEF #32 Anne Saye – (Fort Lakaria City, Fort Europe)
MID #56 Joshua Bardorba – (S.C. Vagrant Hills)
MID #13 Duke Bardorba – (S.C. Vagrant Hills)
MID #32 Agatha Denys – (A.C. Leá Monde)
MID #45 Duane Grissom – (Kibuye F.C., The Interahamwe)
FWD #8 Ursula Goode – (Cathedral Phantoms F.C.)
FWD #11 Sidney Losstarot – (Mar Sara Flames, Elves Security Forces)
FWD #9 Dominic Saint-Émilion – (Rinaldi Gunners, Elves Security Forces)
FWD #18 Stephen de Cobham – (Assegai Developments F.C.)

Nothing changes here.

Tonight’s Match

(UR) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/american_fist.png American Fist

VS
(34) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/assegai_developments.png Assegai Developments

Mikaela Eyre Reporting

Turruth Gordur

14-04-2007, 01:34

From the desk of Magda the Forsaken

AAAAAAAAAAAAH! JSY! TURRUTH GORDUR! GROMPER GRIPPER! GROMPER GRIPPER! GRIP THIS MUTHAF*CKA!

Magda loves Gromper.

Magda wants cheese.

Magda sad.

Upcoming Match

Commerce Heights JSY vs. Turruth Gordur

Demot

14-04-2007, 01:47

Demot Daily ~ Gaining Respect

After a magnificent run last tournament, which culminated in a victory over Wentland in the 3rd Place match, the Dynamo thought they had finally earned that measure of respect from the rest of the footballing world. They thought that their play out on the pitch proved that they were a nation of talent and skill equal or superior to the rest of the nations in the world. However, these squads that the Dynamo defeated and others are still doubting the talent of Demot and that they deserve their rank of being 8th best squad in the world. It seems that only their group mates and former regionmates in the YoungWorld are giving them the respect that they thought they finally deserved. With that in mind, the squad has but two goals in mind for this tounament: qualify and prove to the world that the last tournament was no fluke.

To lead them on this mission is their heroic captain, David Masteron, who has returned for one final tournament before turning in his boots for a tactics board. Despite his age, the captains' skills have refused to falter, and he plays like he is still in the form of a 25 year old. Given that, Dogood has decided to keep the veteran as the set piece and corner kicker, as well as awarding his devotion to the national team by letting him have the penalty duties, of which he stuck gold on in a pre Cup friendly with the Elves.

The qualifying matches began and the Dynamo dispatched the wierd alien creatures of Ulzaxid. Luckily for the squad, they played at home, and where able to overcome the strange matters that they were composed of. Masteron netted a trick for the squad, first on a low cross from Unitus, then on set piece from twenty out, and finally on a hard shot from the edge of the box that clanked in off of the post.

Article by Jasmine Olyvander

Bazalonia

14-04-2007, 02:12

The J-Man2k7 footballing team arrived in Bazalonia, they were to play at Drago Soccer Field against the Bazalonian Bazalopes, The airport was full of other people as well. Many people didn't even know that this was the team that would be playing the Bazalopes, infact in the whole airport there was only one person.

His name, Joseph Trian, a somewhat Asian looking person standing at 188cm tall. The man was seeming following the team, standing well back, he could easily see them, as he took steps forward... someone noticed him.

"Oh, don't tell me, It's Train!" said a random onlooker. "Can I have your Autograph?" the femail fan asked. He smiled and turned to her and signed "May you pwn in all your games. ~Train~"

He signed before moving on and catching up to the approximate distance he was before, but it was too later the team had gone. And he had nothing to really add.

Getting to a Taxi, after waiting 25 minutes or so in the line at the Airport rank he went into the Drago CBD and there it was he met up with Peter Hobble Assistant Coach to the Bazalonian national team.

"Hi Peter!" he exclaimed "I've done a bit of reconnoitring... It doesn't seem that the J-Man2K7 squad is hiding anything."

"Yeah, I don't know why the sudden wave of Apathy has hit... Perhaps it has to do with the sudden disappearance of Casari? I mean they are pretty Apathetic..."

"Perhaps, Anyway. We've got some more searching to do. Our first port of Call, Atheistic Right."

"You reckon those Nut jobs have something to do with it?"

"Maybe, anyway we aren't yet certain if they indeed have changed or if the people in power are just fooling everyone. It's not like they have a real strong domestic police force."

"Okay, well, I Believe you have a welcome thing planed for your visitors. So I better go off and see what I can do. With Atheistic Right, I believe they are holding some sort of computer gaming competition it would be perfect cover while I'm there."

"Good idea, yeah I better go and officially welcome the J-Man2K7 team. See you later."

Everything seemed to go well the welcome went well and so did the game.

A blow out in the first half saw the Bazalopes lead 4-0 at the end of the first half. The second half saw an attempted revival by J-Man2K7 scoring within the first 5 minutes after the4 break but no, the Bazalopes ended their opponents dreams with another 2 goals, sealing the result. Everret Kang got man of the match for his 4 goals.

Quakmybush

14-04-2007, 03:47

The Daily Quak
Whoops, We Forgot

The Quakmybush National Soccer Team played their first match since losing to Geisenfried in the 2nd round of World Cup 33. The Sharks were taking on Gnejs. The Sharks were way out of game shape giving Gnjes a few chances, but Cam Carroll easily saved all of them. The score was 0-0 at home and the supporters were getting extremely restless. Many fans decided to throw projectiles on the field. The match was turning into Little Italy. The Sharks finally put one by the Gnjes keeper. When Cory Sorley passed to Jon Fields who made no mistake, 1-0 Sharks. That is how the game ended. It was a huge disappointment for the Quakmybush squad. They will now need to bounce back to take on a young, and promising Kiryu-shi.

The Archregimancy

14-04-2007, 04:43

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

WORLD CUP TONIGHT

With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated

"So, Fr. John... Mekhule..."

"Well, you have to say, Fr. Nicholas, Praise Be to God for that ruthless demolition of a hopelessly outmatched 6th seed. Fr. Silouan was merciless, singlehandedly putting five past the hapless Orvile in the visitor's goal - he was playing like a man possessed..."

"Possessed with a God-fearing spirit and thirst for goals, you presumably mean, Fr. John."

"Oh, absolutely, not possessed with anything darker - no, not at all. It looks like preparing to kick an ass may work after all."

"Speaking of which, Fr. John, this new ass-kicking training technique has proven to be immensely controversial, with even our Orthodox brothers in the Bazalonian church raising serious concerns. Earlier today I interviewed Bazalonian native and Archregimancy midfielder Fr. Barsanuphius the Strong over the controversy. Here's what he had to say...."

"Welcome to World Cup Tonight, Fr. Barsanuphius."

"I am thanking you, Fr. Nicholas."

"I must say that you speak Old Church Liturgic much better than the last time you were on the show..."

"Much learning I have been doing. With the help of God I am the speaking doing much better."

"You're a member of the national squad, and a native Bazalonian. What's your perspective on the ass-kicking controversy."

"The laughing it makes me do. A-ha! A-ha! A-ha! This is just a making the misunderstanding. My brothers in Bazalonia I can do the assuring that there is no kicking of the ass, merely the chasing of the ass. No Orthodox monk would do the kicking of the innocent animal. Fr. David, the coach, he is always saying that we must prepare to do the kicking of the ass, but the ass is fast, and we are slow. We never reach the ass - always the running away it is doing. It is like sinning. The blameless sinless life we are the seeking, but always it runs away from us, even though the reaching of it we are always trying."

"So you never actually kick the ass?"

"No! No ass-kicking on this team! Merely ass-chasing. From what I have been learning from the reading, ass-chasing is common training technique on other teams. Wentland, their players are always chasing ass, no?"

"I've read something similar, I must admit. Thank you, Fr. Barsanuphius, and hopefully that will set some minds at ease both at home and in Ordinary Reality."

Alasdair I Frosticus

14-04-2007, 04:48

You know what this is?

It's an RP cut-off

Please note that Ulzaxid and Rejistania have both now posted rosters. Since I'm on dial-up on the weekend, it may take me a little while to link their rosters to the first post on this page.

In the interim, both nation's roster may be found on the last page of the roster thread.

Matchday 2 Scores & Tables (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12542943&postcount=2)are now available

Green wombat

14-04-2007, 06:34

GREEN WOMBAT PAPER THING OF HAPPY NEWS

Is good to be home.

Win over Dusty team 2-0.

Many people see win, almost 500!

Emmanuel Rinn score on man in front of net in 56 minute.

Billie Mofield the girl also score on man in front of net in 77 minute.

Happy time for all!

next trip to British Londinium, where that is i no know, but we good to win!

this is Torat bye bye.

Kiryu-shi

14-04-2007, 13:52

Kiryu-shi Loses Heartbreaker for Home Opener

By Michio Hibbert

Sakaino, Kiryu-shi The Kiryu-shi Dragons, coming off a horrific loss to defending World Cup champions Bettia, lost in the last few minutes against one of last year's host team and the second seed in Group Three, Quakmybush. The veteran World Cup squad was almost upset into a tie as Kiryu-shi played above their level to pressure Quakmybush till the final minutes.

____The game started out slow for Kiryu-shi, for the second strait match. The Dragons looked as if they were once again intimidated and pressured by the more famous and well-established opposing squad, as Quakmybush primary striker Cory Sorley scored a goal coming off a quick pass by Jon Fields in the 7th minute. Sorley was able to sneak around the Kiryu-shi defense, as they appeared confused to who they were supposed to be marking. He finished the goal easily, knocking the ball into the top right corner, shocking the home croud. For most of the rest of the first half, Kiryu-shi noticeably focused on defending, with midfielders barely ever moving up the pitch. Their controlled defense did not let up another mistake throughout the first half, but they did not get one proper scoring oppurtunity.

____The halftime show started with a video montage-tribute to the Quakmybush players playing in their 100th game. Sorley and Fields, along with Andrew Plett, Harry Gait, Jorge Valez and Bob Hughes were all mentioned. The Kiryu-shi fans politely clapped, but no one seemed that impressed.

____Coming out of the lockers following the break, Kiryu-shi seemed to have a different mentality. Following kick-off, the Dragons attacked instead of defending. However, the strategy did not pay off right away, as a quick counter attack, led by opposing defender Jorge Valez's pass up the right side to Chris Bricking, ended with Bricking's cross being headed past Jon Crow by Andrew Plett to make the score two-nil in the 49th minute. Kiryu-shi, however, stuck with their mentality, and finally broke through in the 57th minute. Garret McGee recieved a pass in front of the net from Hellen Gandy, and instead of trying a shot with defenders all around him, he lay the ball back to defensive midfielder Gregory Iverson, who used his size and power to launch a long range shot past several defenders and just to the right of keeper Cam Carroll's outstretched arms. Kiryu-shi kept the pressure up to tie the game in the 71st minute as Pat Mayberry found room to manuever in the penalty area, and after cutting past one defender, curled a shot into the net. Kiryu-shi was going all-out for the win, but unfortunately their attacking left them open, once again, for the quick counter attack. After Doug LeBlanc almost got a good shot off rushing up from defense, the four forwards of Quakmybush lead a beautiful charge, taking advantage of the momentary weakness in Kiryu-shi's defensive line to enable Cory Sorley to score his second goal of the match in the 85th minute. Although Kiryu-shi still pressured Quakmybush, getting a couple of shots off in the waning minutes, the veteran squad was able to end adding another three points to their total.

____Kiryu-shi will play against the suprising Gnejs squad who managed to tie third seeded Northern Caesarea last match. Kiryu-shi will look forward to trying to get their first points of World Cup qualifying in their second home match.

Jeruselem

14-04-2007, 14:05

<Dazza Dallas at a Jeruselem training camp>

Dazza:
"Hi, this is the Village Bike. This is THE FOOTBALL LIFE live from Jeruselem for the World Cup 34. As you can see, there's not much happening except for my team training. Jeruselem had the bye so we didn't play a game and Bettia stayed at home too. Only four games to report today. All the big seeds had the bye today, so no real games of real interest too."

<Ball flies over Dazza's head, runs after it>

Brother Haven: Sorry coach!

Dazza:
"Don't worry, happens all the time. Let's get back to the action. Sel Appa are the turtles but they aren't slow. They took on The Macabees and won really well, trashing them FIVE TWO. Yes, The Macabees lost to us in a similar scorelines and it's a great start so far getting hammered into the ground by the top 2 seeds in the Group. Sel Appa take top spot from us because we had the bye. So, the turtles take off like turtles don't. We're just getting a bit of extra training done for the bye, so Dinkie and Monique have some time off reporting."

<Dinkie runs past doing the rabbit ears trick on Dazza>

Dazza:
"That's normal too. Oglethorpia played err, that team I can't spell and the game was a scoreless draw. I really expected far more from that team in this game. Sure I can't spell the team or nation name but they should have won this game. They can't let us and Sel Appa run rampant because they can't be bothered. Take advantage when the top seed has a bye or suffer."

"And the last Group 6 game, the HURD spelt H U R D scored a vital win downing the Raging Penguins THREE TWO. Hey, that's what you do when the top seeds have bye, get the win and climb the table. And they did! Them penguins aren't doing well, but The Macabees are doing worse. Sel Appa leads the group with the HURD 2nd, and us third. The others are below and already we can who is going sit on the bottom of the pile."

"As I said before, no Jeruselem or Bettia games, but Nedalia played a game and well won. The Lions scored a THREE ONE win over GTR, whatever GTR means, and took 3 points when they needed it. Let's hope they keep on rolling! But the Lions are horribly erratic with form and you can't tell if they are going to win or lose a game based on last game."

"YAP YAP! One young fella bought Football Floosie and asks how true are some of the events on the DVD. It is pr0n movie so there's a lot of make-up stuff but the main plot is based on truth with my friend Monique Alexander playing moi. She does a great job too. I have to admit I slept with a coach just to get my first trial. You may say that's just totally immoral, but in those days - coaches didn't think women could play football. No one wanted to trial them, and sometimes a girl has to use her natural talents. Call me disgusting but then a girl had to resort to doing such things just to get trial. These days, there's no need but it's a man's world in Jeruselem still. Women are still fighting for equal opportunities and me being so well, good looking, you can't waste a chance to use those talents. I don't regret it. Yeah, I'm dirty but it's my way. Look, I'm a nymphmaniac - I can't help it. I know coaches sleeping with dirty cheerleaders is bad, but back then my family were still poor. Female footballers are paid very poorly and not appreciated."

"Oh, why does naked Dazza put her body on the line for the nation? Once upon a time, when you asked foreigners about Jeruselem women. They would comment about us being either sheepish plain uneducated women who sit at home or the Jewish ones having them hook noses. I thought to myself, I'm going to change that. I was going to prove the women of Jeruselem are just as clever, smart and good looking as any in the world. Just look at the girls or women in our team, they aren't ugly or stupid. Stupid people don't play in world cup or other cups. I'm putting me on the line for others."

"The people at Radio Man may bag me all day, but the world knows ... sex sells. I wouldn't be here otherwise. So, that's it for THE FOOTBAL LIFE! ON YA BIKE everyone."

Group 6
Macabees 2 Sel Appa 5
Oglethorpia 0 Schort. 0
the HURD 3 Penguins 2

Group 3
Bye

Group 7
GTR 1 Nedalia 3

Zwangzug

14-04-2007, 14:33

"Has anybody seen the techie?" Rube pleaded.

"Yeah, I think he's in Ariddia," Andrew muttered as he exited the clubhouse.

"That's exactly the point."

Andrew swiveled around. "What? That was a joke. Nobody's seen the techie, and nobody's seen Ariddia either."

"But we have seen Ariddia. We were there last cup. That's why I'm trying to find the techie, to help me use BOB as a telephone, to contact the missing co-hosts hotline."

"Please tell me that's a joke."

"That's a joke," Rube repeated. "But you have to help me."

"...No...I don't." Andrew jogged out to the field.

Desperately, Rube turned. He'd enjoyed his visit to Ariddia, and wanted anyone who was curious to know that he'd seen it. But his computer skills were just above Yul's "I 1dr wut this big #FF0000 buton duz" mindset. Charles was already in the broadcast booth...

Ever since the illegal downloading escapade, Lawrence had held BOB in as much disdain as usual. But Rube was running out of options. "Lawrence?"

"What?"

"Can you help me use BOB?"

"Sure," Lawrence beamed. ""Use" in what sense?"

"In the sense of "I'm your captain and if you don't help me here there's going to be aftereffects."."

"Not sure I'm familiar with that one," Lawrence yawned.

Glaring, Rube led him back into the room Lawrence shared with BOB's mainframe. While Yul had hauled most of it out (he was the only one that could lift it), stray wires lay scattered about. "Can you make a telephone out of this?"

"No."

As Rube angrily stomped off towards the field, the techie emerged. "Hey."

"Where've you been?" Rube demanded, uncharacteristically angrily.

"Bathroom."

"Do you have a phone?"

"Sure." He tossed it out.

Rube punched down the number 5 and held it. "Congratulations!" a tinny voice said. "You've been selected to be bolded, along with the rest of your group! For more information, press 5. To get back to the co-hosts hotline, press star."

Rube returned the phone to the techie and headed out to the field. Nobody had told him that play had started: Lawrence had just gotten on. Due to the chaotic state of the Zwangzug defense, Algal states had already scored twice.

But they were held there. As Zwangzug regrouped, Yul knocked one in as the first half wound down, and Simon Ryne tied it up in the second.

And of course, there was a bye next. When they actually had time to go look for a phone or a country, it was just too late.

Ulzaxid

14-04-2007, 14:46

After watching my first Ulzaxid match I was truly hooked. I wanted to learn more about these Ulzaxid creatures, so I went down to my local library but they had very little information about the Ulzaxids. About all I was able to find out was about the brief history of Ulzaxid in Atlantian Oceania. Apparently they had a very brief history in our region and were a very strange species. Of course I could have told you that just from watching one football match. Still I was enraptured. Therefore I was incredibly excited to watch the next football match, which was Ulzaxid hosting Cafundeu.

And indeed the match was truly as bizarre of an event as I expected it to be. The Ulzaxid stadium was nothing I could have possibly imagined. The Cafundeu section of the stadium looked pretty normal but then they showed the rest of the stadium and it was truly bizarre. Their were the dolphin like beasts in a big aquarium chirping away and eagles circling the skies and weasels scrambling around and monkeys swinging around. And then there were all the various morph combinations. Although the biggest form was the scariest some of the other combinations were more striking. The eagle-dolphin-slime combo was perhaps the most startling of all. From time to time they would dive in or out of the aquarium section and then these rather large beasts would swim in the pool or fly around as if such a thing was supposed to be possible.

You could tell just how determined the Cafundeu team was and how professional they were. In the midst of all of that craziness the team didn't seem to be rattled. They had apparently lost their last match to a team they should have beat. I was at once impressed with their courage to walk into a stadium as foreign as they could ever find and filled with a strong desire to see them beat badly. For as brave as they were they were just humans like you and me. But Ulzaxids were things of myth. They seemed like things from a horror story. But there was an obvious kindness in their presence.

During the match Cafundeu was clearly the better team. I didn't pay that much attention to the actual match just trying to learn more about the Ulzaxids themselves. All too soon the match was over and Cafundeu had won. But after the match there was a great ceremony thanking the Cafundeu team for their Baptism of Fire, a term I didn't know at the time, and welcoming them as the first nation to compete in Ulzaxid. I was impressed even more by the breadth of the knowledge and ability of the Ulzaxids. Every single Ulzaxid was able to speak fluently in all languages they were asked questions in. More and more I was coming to think of these Ulzaxids a kind of higher race. But at once I was troubled by why they weren't winning their matches. I was determined to find out more about such an enigmatic team. I knew I'd have to spread my search beyond the local library. But as a young boy figuring out how to do so looked to be a big problem.

Swilatia

14-04-2007, 14:58

Gazeta Swilajska
English Version

Well, it's obvious that it's never good for a team to have a "bye day" on the first day of the cup, and that actually happened to our own team just yesterday. However, it does not seem to be that much of a problem, as today, we have won our first match in the cup, against Haraki. Sure, it was only 3-2, but we won the match. We get 3 points. We go higher in the table. That's all that matters.

So, the match was rather chaotic, that's for sure. The Haraki team thought that they would be able to challenge, like many people said about Swilatia, but they obviously can't, having lost all mathces in this cup so far. Adding to this, they are a higher seed, and are the home side, making them even more overconfident. Swilatia's win was hardly surprising.

So, to go deeper into this chaotic match, it can be seen that in the first minutes of the game, Haraki is making little effort to score a goal past our sides, thinking that they will still be higher by the end of the game. You could say the same about their defense, so it was only 11 minutes when Rycerski scored the first goal for Swilatia. As for haraki, they were still thinking that they would win, and made little effort to score a goal.

It seemed that match would end just like that, or with Swilatia having a massive win over Haraki. However, with Romańska's goal at 25 minutes, things changed. Haraki woke up, seeing that if they don't score any goals, their chances of winning would be zero. The Haraki team started to cause problems for our weak defense, and at 38 minutes, they scored a goal past us. So that's how the first half ended. 2-1, with Swilatia winning, but Haraki trying harder to take the lead.

Going into the Second half, Haraki was conituing their attempt to tek back the match. Our defence was weak, so it only took them until 49 minutes to do this. The match was drawn. Now, Haraki thinks they are going to get their third goal and win. They though that with the match drawn, and mush of the half still to go, their chances of winning were high. Instead, at 67 minutes, Rycerski kicked the ball in again, giving us the goal, the lead and the win.

St Samuel

14-04-2007, 15:14

(ooc: sorry if im being stupid but I was unable to find the Fmjphoenix roster)

St Samuel (1) 3
Rock 12
Sensini 74, 92
Fmjphoenix (1) 2
42
pen 61

After St Samuel's fantastic result in Cafundeu, the Latin Crusaders faced Fmjphoenix next at home. Della Penzzi selected the same team for the match which took place at the Park of King's Stadium in St Samuel.

Once again it was carnival atmosphere with the St Samuel fan's in full voice. 15,000 tickets had been allocated to the Fmjphoenix fan's who also turned out in strength and the stadium had it's full 80,000 capacity. After a huge opening ceremony and speech by King Justantine IV himself the teams were ready to get the match underway.

St Samuel started the match defensively with Sensini behind the front two strikers and Fmjphoenix starting with a 4-4-2 formation. It was St Samuel who had the first shot on goal when Aaron De Villion had a shot from nothing, he struck the ball from 40 yards out when he saw the keeper off his line, the keeper back peddled furiously and managed to get fingertips to the ball and just tip it over.

On the 11th minute Leo Sensini made an amazing run zig-zagging in out of defenders before curling a shot which looked destined for the top corner only to be denied after another great save. From the resulting corner Batista swung the ball in and it was St Samuel defender Tyrone Rock who got his head to the ball and looped the ball over the keeper and into the net, 1-0 to St Samuel!! The roars of delight from around the ground deafening.

Fmjphoenix began to get a feeling for the match and started making better attacking movements and on the 42nd minute Fmjphoenix got the equalizer they were looking for from a free kick.

The second half kicked off with the score-line at 1-1. It was Fmjphoenix who came out the stronger of the two sides making some promising attacks into the St Samuel end but once more Corinthian was on top form.

With an hour of play gone Roberto Zaggi conceeded a soft penalty when he bought down the Fmjphoenix striker in his box. Corinthian managed to get a fingertip to the resulting penalty but was unable to stop the ball going in the net. 2-1 Fmjphoenix.

Leo Sensini once more dazzled the visitors once more and really got St Samuel back into the game. With 74 minutes on the clock Sensini lobbed the ball over to Bezzi-Louaza who surged down the right flank, turned a defender, chipped the ball into the area and it was Sensini who smashed a volley into the top left hand corner to make it 2-2. Once more the crowd went beserk.

St Samuel did not seem content with the one point and instead of trying to play out for the draw continued playing attacking football. This nearly led to there downfall in the 88th minute, but Corinthian was strong once more and made a brave challenge on the Fmjphoenix striker to collect the balll in a one-on-one situation.

With 4 minutes injury time added on by the referee the 92nd minute saw Le Ricco one-two the ball with De Villion and then charged towards the corner flag before crossing a sublime ball into the penalty area. The keeper punched the ball out but only as far as Sensini who controled the ball with his chest and then volleyed the ball towards the goal. The violent shot smashed into the underside of the cross bar and into the net. 3-2 to St Samuel.

When the final whistle went police and stewards had to keep St Samuel fans off the pitch, as they went crazy, a roar of "We are top of the league" went out and the St Samuel players once more celeberated on the pitch for a good 15 minutes.

Player Ratings
Niclas Corinthian (8) - Once more in formidable form, made some important saves.
Tyrone Rock (9) - The captain as always led by example and even got on the score sheet.
Paulo Monte-Pellaino (8) - Steady performance, linked up well with Rock.
Frankie Le Ricco (8) - Hardworking performance, up and down right wing for the whole match.
Roberto Zaggi (7) - Average performance, gave away a soft penalty.
Leo Sensini (10 - Man of the Match) - Superb performance, dazzled the crowd and scored twice.
Aaron De Villion (9) - Great performance and commanded the midfield.
Maxi Bezzi-Louaza (9) _ Played a great match and linked up well with Le Ricco.
Omar Batista (8) - Quiet match by Batista's standards, set up the first match.
Dexter St John (7) - Struggled to make an impact and was marked out of the game.
Enzo Mazzerani (7) - Like St John struggled to get into the game.

Tynelia

14-04-2007, 16:25

“Welcome to Sports Chat, the biggest sports related talk show in Tynelia. I’m your hostess with the mostest Kimmy Kendra and today soccer’s the big subject of the day. With me if former presidential candidate who’s returned to his sporting roots Mike McPhee and Don Daymore, the former Coach of the baseball Varrik Maulers.. Hello again guys.”

“Do we even have to waste our time on soccer Kimmy? I mean they lucked out once..”

“And ruined your presidential bid Mike.”

“Quiet Don.”

“Let’s not get into that again boys or we’ll waste the whole show. Today we went on the road and won 3 zip with the MacDougals joined by Tina Conroy for all the offense we’d need today.”

“This one was pretty easy for Coach Masterson even on the road. For once our long history of experience came though clearly.”

“Big deal Don, they beat some place no one’s ever heard of. CH will squash them I’m sure, they’ve wasted even more time on soccer than we have.”

“You know Don, Mike actually has a point almost. Commerce Heights is next and to stay sharp played an exhibition match on their bye day to stay sharp for our head to head.”

“That’s right Kimmy, CH could have taken the time to relax but knowing its #1 vs. #2 in their next match they couldn’t afford to miss any time with it being so early in the qualifiers. They wanted to get the team chemistry right when they come here. Fortunately we face them at home to start with, home field is very important in these big matches which is why its been scheduled for the Presidential Coliseum.”

“Chemistry? There’s no chemistry in kicking a ball around, I mean baseball, you know that takes skill but soccer? Come on, its not like they;’re going to win anything anyway. They’re not even in first.”

“Now Mike, both sports have their own degrees of difficulty and the pace of soccer is a bit faster than baseball. But again you’ve actually made a point. Yafor 2 came out and pounded UIE to take over first in goal differential.”

“But does that mean they’re a better team Don? Its only been two matches and they’re the only common opponent so far.”

“It is a bit early yet Kimmy but I think its safe to say this is the Yafor 2 from last Cup not the ones we faced eight years ago.”

“See no way we’re gonna beat those two. It’ll be playoff one and done if they’re lucky.”

“Mr. Optimism again eh Mike? No wonder you lost half your support once the team qualified last time.”

“Hey I don’t see you trying to get this country right Don.”

“Hey Mike, why is it your own party didn’t nominate you this time around?”

<McPhee simmers silently>

“Well that’s all the time we have for today. For the bickering boys I’m Kimmy Kendra wishing everyone a good night.”

Milchama

14-04-2007, 17:16

Chi Sun-Times-Tribune-Domestic-International-Star-News-Today

Sports Section

Insanity reigns

We've played two matches so far and my god were they crackers, and by crackers I mean absolutely crazy matches with Damian Hill's footprint all over them. Douglas Jefferey reporting on the first two matches:

Wow did we suck. Milchama had no reason to win either or these matches...

"Put down that paper"

"Ok"

"I think Jeffery might actually have a point this time"

"Yeh"

"I mean we've scored 6 second half goals, that's clearly not enough to do anything with"

"Couple that with 8 injuries and a defection by Jones we're running out of players"

"Who is Jones?"

"No idea but he's gone"

"Ok"

"Hey look a press conference by Hill turn on the tele"

"Ok"

Hill: I have one statement to make right now, we have a new lineup for our next 3 games like this:
Hill unveiled a big box of cardboard with this written on it

GK: Halutz Dalton
Horse: Rovers Return:
On horse: Avi Belmowitz
F: Tilar Flitty

That is all. Hill stepped down amidst a rage of questions

"Whoa, our AOCAF lineup is becoming our World Cup lineup"

"This can't be good, THIS CAN'T BE GOOD"

"We've got to do something"

"I know let's contact a wizard to heal the injured players and stop the line up from occuring"

"Ok!"

Final Score:
Milchama 3 (Belmowitz 50, 62, Kary 74)
Nerotika 1 (E 15)

Milchama 3 (Joseph 73, Keffer 79, Flitty 88)
Kingsford 2 (King 13, Ford 44)

Raging Penguins

14-04-2007, 17:40

Norris replayed the game in his mind. It was, he decided, the fault of the Johns. They'd been unable to properly con the robots into letting them pass, though John Danning had caused a system crash on one of the defenders after he used it like a one-armed bandit, yanking its right arm up and down, shouting angrily that he couldn't hit the jackpot.

Miss Harthswipe had done his/her part well, as s/he had tried to get into the referee's pants the entire time(apparently s/he isn't into robots), and thus distracted the referee from giving Peter the Pet Rock any kind of card, even after he hot-wired one robot, using a clever virus - bought off a hacker from The HURD, ironically - and made it into a highly explosive machine. The result of this, however, was that no player from The Team dared get near it, and when it scored the Policemen who would normally have arrested it for violating a police line, were too scared of it to put it in handcuffs.

John Dressing had, admittedly, managed to convince the robots that he was one of them, which caused much confusion among The Team as he'd convinced everybody else that he was a robot as well. He'd managed to score once, however, though he was given a powerful electric shock and deemed to be 'flawed' by the manager. He was even now undergoing reprogramming.

John Downing, in a display of Team-esque incompetence had attempted to forge an IP signature past the firewalls of the Goal Keeper, and had failed miserably, mostly because he was doing it by hand, on a piece of paper. Once Downing had pasted the paper to the keepers head, the Keeper had kicked him squarely between the legs and left him whimpering in front of the goal, where the prostrate body blocked three shots from John Dressing.

The Bureaucrats had managed magnificently, until it became apparent that no matter how much paperwork was required, the robots used their efficiency to scan, analyze and laser-print the require signatures within three seconds. They quickly deciphered the bureaucratic run-around, and anticipated the referrals. In no time, The HURD had made it past the defense, and scored. Eventually, Downing was called upon to forge a signature on a document which authorized the Bureaucrats to require fingerprint analysis for admittance, which they provided, much to the bewilderment of all concerned. It was hopeless.

However, thought Norris, they'd performed better than expected. They were so bad that the newspapers at home hadn't even bothered to provide a doom-saying prediction for them. On the other hand, nobody had expected the Hatstand to be so talented.

It had bewildered the cybernetic strikers with its four-legged footwork, had maneuvered the ball past the programmed players with ease, and had scored on the steel-chested keeper late in the second half. The crowd went wild with fury.

But they'd lost, and no matter how many times Norris had objected to the goals, the referee overruled them all. But it'd been close. And that the case looked good. All they needed now was for John Dressing to procure some real kits for them, and they'd be set. Maybe a few relics from the days of the old Team. Rumor had it that there was still an old battle cruiser somewhere, filled with grenades and shoeshine. The next game would be a verdict of not guilty, or maybe an out of court settlement. It depended on whether the Johns had hoodwinked Raging Penguins out of its only football pitch or not.

In preparation, Norris began to outline his opening statement.

Acapais

14-04-2007, 17:44

World Cup Qualifying – MD2

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/bostopia.png Bostopia : Acapais http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/acapais.png
1:1 (1:1)

Match Report:

Bostopia – The first match of Acapais’s World Cup Qualifying campaign for World Cup 34 was against Bostopia and ended in a 1-1 draw on Friday night.

After a near miss by Duke in the first half a counter attack by Bostopian midfielder Flambriff dished it the striker Auderrie who was not going to miss from 10 yards out. To the delight of the Bostopian players and fans the glory would not last long. After nice ball from McKellar to Duke 1 minuite later Duke was taken down right outside the 18 yard box. The focused Van Savage took a delightful free kick to draw the game level.

The second half showed well that the fitness of both teams was not at a maximum just yet. During the second half there were 10 shots on goal and only 4 on target between the two teams. Acapais striker Jose was dearly missed by all Acapan fans and players.

After the match was over, the players of the two nations traded jerseys and shook hands.

Scoring:
Bostopia – Auderrie (Flambriff) 17
Acapais – Van Savage (unassisted) 19

Booking:
Bostopia – Vale (caution; Reckless foul) 19
Acapais – Haun (caution; Reckless foul) 54
Acapais – McKellar (caution; Reckless foul) 72

Acapais Starting Lineup:
1 - Matthew Dickenson (GK)
2 - Shane Murphy (C)
3 - Nick McKellar
6 - Jeremy Davis (13 - Robert Hernandez) 34
10 - Shaurabh Nandy
4 - Craig Robicheaux (15 - Graham Atwater) 61
5 - Salvador Salazar
7 - Dom'onic Duke
8 - Alex McKellar
9 - Oscer Van Savage
12 - Samuel Haun

Bostopia Starting Lineup:
1 - Peter Jeffers - GK
2 - Francis Vale - DL
3 - Gerry Landor - DC
4 - Karl Matthews - DC
5 - Adam Craiff - DR
6 - Michael Wake - ML
7 - Stuart Flambriff- MC
8 - Freddie Marsh - MC
9 - Luke Barle - MR
10 - Harry Auderrie - SC
11 - Aleksander Cripps - SC

Next Match:

@ Sativaville http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/sativaville.png

-----------------------------------------------
Acapais RP Threads
Roster Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12478731&postcount=9)
Acapais PreWC Press Conference (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12491022&postcount=23)
Acapais v Sel Appa Friendly (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12492699&postcount=26)
WCQ Draw (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12535022&postcount=19)
MD2 pre-game (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12541262&postcount=56)
Bostopia - MD2

Qazox

14-04-2007, 18:09

QSPNFootball.com Match Report

St Paul Isle 1- QAZOX 1

St Pauls Isle is better than i thought. An early goal in the 19th minute sent the home crowd into a tizzy, and only a late goal by Kyle Horton in the 75th minute kept the home side from upsetting two high ranked teams in their debut.

The match was played in lousy conditions as the game time temperature was 59 degrees and raining, which lead to the slowing down of play. Neither side's horses could get going, which, despite the rain slowed the pace down even more.

Up next is a trip back home to take on Squornshelous, in a match the will determine the early favorite out of this group. Should be an instant classic.

Scoring Summary:
QAZOX: Horton (2) 75'
SPI: 19'

Green wombat

14-04-2007, 19:30

GREEN WOMBAT PAPER THING OF HAPPY NEWS

Well Torat wrong we go to Cookerlands.

still no know where is at all.

but team good success!

win 3 score to zero score.

goal scored by Vicente Derusha not one time but two!

he get ball into net in 35 and 50 minutes

Freddy Ripa lucky goal on foul kick in 70 minute

we wins have two and no losings.

next game we go home play Aurendia

still no know who any team is but for elvings and fried grease.

for paper this Torat bye bye.

Elves Security Forces

14-04-2007, 22:10

Elven Times
Stepping Up

Granted that the last match was against unknowns without even an official roster sumbitted to the WCC, the squad is begining this tournament on the right foot. The Vilitan is proving his worth on the tactics side, as he has the squad's form and play at top notch. The lads and lasses are playing off the boot in the form that usually takes them half the qualifiers to find. I personally think it is a mix of Soler's new ideas and formation, and the confidence the squad got after their run in Proper last tournament, which vaulted thier spirits and that of the fan base. To make it into the quarterfinals of your first trip to the Finals, that is a real damn good accomplishment, and while you can revel in that glory, the true great squads take that success and build on it. I imagine that is what this group is trying to do, to use last tournament as a stepping stone on their way into the upper echilion, to build a foundation of success that can be continued on for generations of ESFians to come. While I may not be an elf or even a native of the country, I can tell that there is trully something special here, be it some sort of divine magic or just the spirit of the populace, but this place brings out the best of you.

Cuellar and Constant must of felt that feeling as both of the certainly turned in faboulous games. Granted, neither neither of them had goals in the match, but both were instrumental in the victory that the Marauders nabbed. Cuellar owned up to his reputation as a playmaker, as he came down the wing in the fourteenth minute, mauevering deftly by defenders. As he closed in on the box, he lofted a hopeful cross towards the far post. Luckily for the squad, the Great Leader was waiting for the cross, and calmly stuck it into the netting as it arrived on his foot. Minutes later, on a similar play, Cuellar found Kiso Night alone at the far post, and sent in a dangerous low cross that the youngster had some trouble with, but managed to slot it home after corralling it.

The youngster would prove more precise on his next oppurtunity on goal, when the defence had left a seam in itself, and he attacked it. Using his fancy footwork to dribble through and past his marker, before firing a hard and bending shot from the shoulder of the box that just kept curling away from the keeper and onto the netting to put the squad three clear up. The home squad would not go quietly into the dark, as a dangerous cross from thirty out came in that Nickel was unable to get a clear clearance on. As the ball circled in on itself at the top of the box, their first striker one touched it powerfully past Martin.

The midfield would not let the squad falter again, as they began to play keep away from their oppenents. Frustrated with their inability to take the ball away from the crafty elves, the home squad began to get reckless with their play. The resulting free kicks were dangerous from the foot of Jannian, but no one was getting on the end of them. With another oppurtunity in the sixty fourth, Jannian took the igniritive from thirty two yards out, and sent in a hard shot that careened through the wall, and stayed low. The keeper was efficiently screened by Nickel and Constant, and could only attempt a kick save as the ball went in on the near post. A final tally by Stone would be the endcall to the competitive side of the match, and the dull ball hog technique that the game ended on was efficient, but a dull to watch.

With six points in hand, and a match next up against the top seed in the group, the Marauders can assure a great start and measure of comfort a quarter of the way through the qualifying process with a win tommorow. Geisenfried is going to be the first real challange for the national team, and should be a measuring stick as to how close the squad is to maturation of a dream that started twenty years before.

Elves Security Forces 5
Tobias Raynor (14)
Kiso Night (22)
Kiso Night (36)
Jere Jannian (64)
Marsha Stone (71)

British Londinium 1
Striker #1 (56)

Article by Luna Santapa

Schiavonia

14-04-2007, 22:40

The Schiavone Scribe
Starlet Saves Sloths
Capitalizt SLANI 2-2 Schiavonia

Schiavonia scraped to a two-all draw against the SLANI Association of the UCS last night after a late equaliser from new left-back David Jones.

Indeed, Jones seemed the most inspired player on an inexperienced Sloths team which only seemed to click into gear once substitutes Isla and Shiela Blige came into play.

SLANI were cruising with two goals from Roy Hartenholm giving them a convincing, comfortable lead.

However, the introduction of the Bliges made the Sloths find a new impatus. Isla and Shiela played a smooth one-two to lay off finisher Jerry Berry for what looked like a concelation goal.

However, Jones wasn't going to settle that, and from a SLANI corner, he raced onto a clearance and ran eighty yards, before curling what looked like a ball to Berry at the far post into the top corner of the net.

Schaivonia's hero on the day seemed slightly confused by the whole situation, though.

After the game, he said, "Honestly, it was a cross. But I knew that if I mis-hit it slightly, it would go close, and so it proved."

"Still, it was amazing out there. How do they find so many people to fill huge stadiums like this place. I've never seen anything like it! And then I've heard that they've got two football associations. Well how the hell does that work?"

We explained it a few times, and eventually, he understood.

You're doing well, David. We'll hope to have you back as soon as we can.

Final score
Capitalizt SLANI 2 (Hartenholm 31, 62)
Schiavonia 2 (Berry 81, Jones 90)

Cafundeu

15-04-2007, 01:13

OLHO NO LANCE! YOUR SPORTS MAGAZINE
SHORT MATCH REPORT MADE BY SÍLVIO RUIZ
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

GOOD VICTORY PLAYING IN A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PLACE

http://img.terra.com.br/i/2007/03/22/481786-2714-ga.jpg
Ijak commemorates another goal

After the bad result in the first game against St Samuel, Cafundéu went to Ulzaxid to play the second round of the competition. Many Cafundelense were already able to see Ulzaxid playing, as they played the Baptism of Fire, and had a very good performance. But clearly some people found strange the players of Ulzaxid.

Surely they are, and can seem dangerous or uncivilized. But after few days, everybody could see that they are gentle, calm and extremely intelligent and developed. Their technology is impressive, even for the modern Cafundéu. So, the team knew that they were going to a secure and beautiful place, where they could look for the victory and enjoy their stay.

In the end, Cafundéu was able to defeat Ulzaxid, after a fast paced and exciting first half with goals in the injury time. The second half was more calm, but the supporters could see a very good game. Cafundéu's supporters were quieter than usual, wanting to respect the hosts, as they don't make much noise.

The game started with Ulzaxid attacking with all forces, while Cafundéu used all the midfield's ability to control the ball possession. After some good disputes in the midfield, Ulzaxid had a very good attack started by Floren. Banda received the ball, dribbled a surprised Namarra and shot with strength to score the goal. But after few minutes, Cafundéu replied. In a good long-ranged shot, Anormal scored as usual and kept Cafundéu in the game.

The next minutes were of fast attacks and smart counterattacks. Both goalkeepers had to work a lot, and Júnior made some fantastic saves. After some lost chances, Cafundéu scored again. Falcus changed passes with Ijak, who saw Heitor in a good position and passed the ball to him. The attacker gently hit the ball and it went slowly to the goal. Less than ten minutes after that, Kliek scored the third goal after taking a free-kick near the area.

Cafundéu seemed to be on control of the game, but the coach of Ulzaxid made a chance in the team. As they don't speak to communicate, nobody knows what was that change, but it worked. In the last minute of the first half, Banda crossed the ball to the area and Belmore headed to score. In the injury time, Tzimisces made an excellent pass to Pizelkaxrovsky, who dribbled Priotto and shot to score the last goal of the first half, which ended 3x3.

Nefasto, which tought that the team could hold the 3x1 result, went furious to the dressing room. He complained with Priotto and Namarra, and ordered the team to show more will to fight, to want to win the game. The team return motivated, and with Dário playing in Priotto's place. Ulzaxid's supporters were happy with the draw.

In the first minutes, Cafundéu had to defend from Ulzaxid's attacks, which were very dangerous. But, after ten minutes of a defensive strategy, the team attacked, and very well. The morphs couldn't hold the strong offense of the Monopolists, and in the thirteenth minute, Anormal received the ball from Heitor, changed passes with Kliek and shot with strength to the goal. Vernazza tried to save, but the ball entered inside the goal.

After retaking the advantage, the coach David Nefasto continued making changes in the team to improve its performance. Kimball entered to give the team more experience and more ball control. Ulzaxid lost some of its power, and finally suffered the deadly goal in the last minutes of the game. Kirs ran from the left and crossed the ball. Ijak headed it with accuracy and scored. He commemorated the goal a lot and was substituted later.

After the end of the game, Cafundéu's players and staff received some honours from the hosts, which made their trip very special and unforgettable. Pai Dinah appeared during the commemorations and said: "This team will win a game." Nobody understood if he was talking about Cafundéu or Ulzaxid, but it was a prophecy. The coach commented about the game: "A victory is important to improve our morale. Now we're ready for more difficult games."

The attacker Ganz Ijak, clearly happy with the good result, said: "Our supporters were criticizing us. I know that they have the right to protest, but we're going to show them that we are good and will give them many good moments. Just wait for that!" Other players agreed with his comments, as Heitor and Ray Kirs.

Later, it was discovered that the Cafundéu official coach is preparing a first report about his studies, and will release it in the next two or three matchdays. The heavy sponsorship of Cafundéu will be increased, as Globo Multimedia will return to broadcast the NT games. Breno Gavião said: "I'm back!" Some people answered "Please no!", other said "I prefer Sílvio Ruiz (oh, thanks)" and some approved "Yes! (but this was the minority)".

http://img366.imageshack.us/img366/6210/semttulopw2.png
Júnior played well, even after suffering three goals

ULZAXID 3x5 CAFUNDÉU

Place: That big thing, in Ulzaxid
Attendance: don't know how to count that.
Referee: Marcus Möusler (Acapais).
MOTM: Anormal (Cafundéu).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/ulzaxid.png ULZAXID: Vernazza and Azalnubizarn; Pizelkaxrovsky, Tzimisces and De Jesus (Rilke 45'); Luvo, Lyku, Floren (Briscoe 64'), Belmore, Di Bradini and Banda.
Coach: Stuart Abdul-Rahim.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Júnior, Covas, Kirs, Becão and Namarra; Anormal, Priotto (Dário 45'), Falcus (Kimball 65') and Kliek; Heitor and Ijak (Alemão 83').
Coach: David Nefasto.

Goals:ULZ: Banda 12' , Belmore 44' , Pizelkaxrovsky 45'+.
CAF: Anormal 16'/58' , Heitor 24' , Kliek 31' , Ijak 81'.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cafundéu - next game's formation: Júnior, Covas, Kirs, Becão and Namarra; Anormal, Priotto, Falcus and Kliek; Heitor and Ijak.
Coach: David Nefasto.
Style of +2

Match's Referee: Frazer Torresmo (Sel Appa).

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Goalscorers after 2 games:

2- Ijak and Anormal
1- Heitor and Kliek

Estresse Intenso

15-04-2007, 01:34

Doctor Rogério Landau returns to his office after watching the game between Estresse Intenso and Lovisa in the big special room. Be Calm Newspaper already started to prepare the news, and they're good, as the team won the game.

DR. LANDAU - "Great game, wonderful job! Today we played willing to make a spectacle! This was a truly good result, wasn't it?"

DR. SABIN - "Yes, boss. Our players performed very well, and we could score three goals in the first half!"

DR. LANDAU - "This improves the patients' conditions. They became happier and the prolems decrease."

DR. SABIN - "They are more calm now. The security didn't have to work much today."

DR. LANDAU - "Yes. Do you know what I'm thinking?"

DR. SABIN - "No."

DR. LANDAU - "We should commemorate our victory!"

DR. SABIN - "Oh, no."

DR. LANDAU - "Oh yes! Bring me the food and the drinks, everything! Call Chicão, only him can prepare a good caipirinha!"

DR. SABIN - "But, boss, remember your commemorations after Cafundéu's loss? You drinked everything that we had on stock!"

DR. LANDAU - "What? There are no drinks?"

DR. SABIN - "Not on our stock."

DR. LANDAU - "So call someone to get more in the city!"

DR. SABIN - "Ok, boss. But look at this first":

http://img.terra.com.br/i/2007/04/10/490502-1177-ga.jpg

LANDAU INSTITUTE'S PLAYERS WIN THE GAME

With an excellent performance in Sector-Delta (few advertising on it and
few people allowed to enter there), Estresse Intenso defeated Lovisa by the
result of 3x0. The goals were scored in the first half by Gabalán (twice) and
Dumitrache. This result keep the team's dreams to search for at least a
qualification spot, something possible, as the team is the fourth seed.

DR. LANDAU - "Very nice. The guys of Be Calm Newspaper are doing a great job."

DR. SABIN - "I was sure that you'd like it."

DR. LANDAU - "Yes, I did. Hope that we can qualify. But, by the way, where are the drinks?"

Fort Europe

15-04-2007, 02:31

VITH NINDEL WHOL SHUM LU' SSINSSRICKLA
FUCK THAT FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/Football/WC%2034/34011.jpg
One unhappy Ethan Jatzi at Fort Europe defeat

J-Man2k7 - 2 - V - 1 - Fort Europe

Report by Amy Bystander, Commonwealth News.

There is no place for complacency in football, a fact proved by the Fort Europe national side this very day as they conceded two goals to the worst team in Group 11. Shaun Miller's team took the lead early on through a Michelle Bishop goal, but it was all down hill from there as the J-team struck back and secured the win early on in the second half. We at the Commonwealth News Service can not blame Shaun Miller for his words in the post match interview, none of which are printable unfortunately.

Fort Europe do however maintain their third place spot in Group 11 courtesy of their win in the opening match, but still have a long way to go in order to prove to the world that they have what it takes to qualify for the World Cup proper in two months time, certainly not a prospect Shaun Miller will be too pleased about. Elsewhere however the other nations from The YoungWorld haven't been doing too badly for themselves with those retched little Elves topping their group with a second win, while the randomness of Random Toast randomly lost again, despite a half price sale on battered penguin burgers.

PLAYER RATINGS
(Out of 10)

6 - James West
6 – Murphy Lee
7 – Shaun Pearson []
6 – Mike Young
7 – Mia Nevola
7 – Curzon Thyre []
7 – Andy Fletcher
6 – Ryan Holmes (C)
6 – Ethan Jatzi
8 - Michelle Bishop (34)
6 - Karl Isaak

SUBS

- - Tom Reas
- - Francis Rowe
- – Katherine Keller
6 - Will Ingue
- - Josephine Blanchard

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/Football/WC%2034/34010.jpg
J-Man scores

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/Football/WC%2034/34012.jpg
J-Man Scores again

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/Football/WC%2034/34013.jpg
Not so lucky, a J-Man defender is stretchered off injured

New Manhattan

15-04-2007, 03:01

http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/logos/tribune/
AEROPAG, JI • 0.10 g Au • 145–01–04
Send proper ink to a newspaper in need! Donate today!

SLANI held to exciting draw in Überdome friendly
소코지토 도시, 소코 (SOKOJITO DOSI, SK)—In the midst of an extremely unchallenging World Cup qualification schedule for the tenth-ranked Capitalizts, Capitalizt SLANI traveled to the Sokojito Überdome for a friendly against the Sloths of Schiavonia.

The match started out high on action but low on scoring, with the SLANI front four putting pressure on the Sloths’ defense, and the unorthodox Schiavonia attack doing the same to the Capitalizts. Roy Hartenholm was finally able to put the ball between the posts in the thirty-first minute, putting the Capitalizts ahead one-nil. The score stood until halftime.

The halftime show featured a flyover by an armored dirigible from the Bætican Grand Airmada, recovered last year from a site near the Desotonia Strait. The slow dirigible was followed by an experimental Capitalizt Defense Alliance spacecraft five minutes later, waking up the portion of the sellout crowd that had been hypnotized. On the pitch, some sort of weird play was put on by contestants on an undisclosed television program, attempting to advertise a new product of C4 Pharmaceuticals, which was also quite boring.

Just seconds into the second half of play, the lead was nearly increased to 2–0 by Nicole Bell, but a questionable offside call was made by the assistant referee. Following the free kick, Sloths left back David Jones skillfully advanced the ball into the Capitalizts’ penalty area, where a tackle was made by Saturio Luguëo. Jones pleaded for a penalty kick, and a replay seemed to confirm a foul, but the referee allowed play to continue. Later, in the sixty-second minute, Hartenholm tacked on his second goal of the day, extending Capitalizt SLANI’s lead to two.

Late in the second half, the Sloths appeared to be playing much better, and Schiavonia’s substitute forward Jerry Berry was able to convert an opportunity in the eighty-first minute to reduce SLANI’s lead to 2–1. In the first minute of injury time, Billy Bird was able to clear a corner taken by the Capitalizts’ Judith Pérez out of the box to Jones. Jones raced down the field, and on what appeared to be a cross pass to Berry, he managed to sneak the ball past 박영성 (Bag ʼYūŋ-sūŋ) for the equalizer. The Capitalizts were unable to regain the lead in the final minute, and the match ended 2–2.

After quite unexciting press conferences by both teams, a vendor sold copies of the Schiavone Scribe outside the stadium. Though the text of the publication was not of interest to this reporter, the score at the end of the article about the match featured Capitalizt SLANI’s score in an almost-Krytenian combination of sky and navy blue, rather than the team colors, steel blue and black. Speculating that this error was caused by the Scribe’s use of sub-standard ink, a charity has been established to send high-quality inks to the Scribe and other publications in need of assistance. You can donate to this cause at any Eighth Fifth Bank location.

http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/worldcup/graphics/flags/33/COM/ Capitalizt SLANI 2 (Hartenholm 31, 62)
http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/worldcup/graphics/flags/33/SVO/ Schiavonia 2 (Berry 81, Jones 90+2)
Sokojito Überdome, 소코지토 도시 (Sokojito Dosi), UCS • Attendance 400 552

Demot

15-04-2007, 03:12

Diary Entry 002

What does it mean to be the best at what you do? Does it mean to be more efficient at accomplishing a task set out before you than others in your field? Does it mean to be more comprehensive of that of which you are meant to accomplish? Or is more simplier than that, perhaps nothing more than to realize that you can always strive to improve no matter how well you may do something. Whatever the answer may be out there, I doubt it will have much relavence in the upcoming match against Cafundeu. Though we enter the tilt as the higher seed and rank, I do not know if we are that far apart in talent. Pairity is quite prevelant in the footballing world, one merely should look at St. Samuel. They entered the tournament as relative nobodies, taking on some of the best percieved squads in the world. Everybody expected these minnows to be swept away easily by the flood of talent of teams like Cafundeu and Fmjpheonix, however they stunned the world and defeated both of these highly respected nations. Just like that, a nobody enters the footballing world and is on top of their group table almost a quarter of the way into qualification. I'm not saying that my squad should not enter the upcoming match with some confidence, no that is not what I am suggesting at all. I am merely trying to point out how equal in talent and detirimination squads can be. We have to be on our game and not treat this match lightly, and in the end, respect our opponents and play our game, and the result will come.

On the other hand, I'm quite tired of these reporters and the other forms of press hounding me over the speculation of my taking over the national team job after my retirement. I stated this last tournament when there was much of the same speculation along with my retirement afterwards. I said then, and I'm saying it now, I'll explore my options, and if it is in the best interest for me and the national team program, I'll consider the job. Until then, I hope the press will take the message and leave me and my family alone. To my fans and supporters of the Dynamo, Do What Is Needed, my countrymen, Do What Is Needed.

~ David Masteron

Quakmybush

15-04-2007, 03:33

After the 3-2 win over Kiryu-shi, all the players had a meeting in the club house to discuss their next opponents Bettia. "So, what should we do?" asked Cory Sorley.

"Well, I think that we need to play well, they are the defending World Cup Champions." said Chris Bricking.

"I have a better idea." Coach Greg Hughes said.

"What?" the team asked collectively.

"Have you ever heard of the one thing Bettia hates?" Hughes asked.

"Don't they hate purple?" Clifford Baker asked.

"Ummm, No, but close, they hate red." Hughes replied.

"So what's the idea then?" asked Cory Sorley.

"Well, all red kits." Hughes said.

"That's so crazy it may work" Andrew Plett added.

"Well, lets get to work" Hughes said. "Hans!" he screamed. "Come here a minute"

"Vhat is it?" Hans asked

"Make us red kits." Hughes said.

"I'll get on it *german profanities*" Hans replied.

*6 minutes later*

"Wow, that was quick" Hughes said. No sooner had Greg finished his sentence , did the QMBSS (Quakmybush Secret Service) break in and arrest him. "That was odd" Hughes added.

"Well, what do they look like?" Jon Fields asked.

"Like this" Hughes said.

http://img87.imageshack.us/img87/7199/1basekitpngml5.png

Sel Appa

15-04-2007, 04:57

Turtles Smash Macabees

The Turtles devastated The Macabees in their own backyard 5-2. With a Jeruselem bye day, this sent Sel Appa to the top of the group for some glory. This second win and by a good margin foreshadows the future, which is hoped to see the Turtles back in the Finals. With ten games left, there are some good prospects and still enough to have the run go either way. The 5-2 victory saw a 5th minute start by Estevez and then a follow up by Miquelinho. A sneaky goal got past Sel Appan keeper Vasily Kashchenko in the 29th minute. A third goal by Arthur Mercator VI rounded off the half in stoppage time.

A foul by Kashchenko allowed The Macabees to convert a penalty, making the scoreline 3-2. It remained so until Estevez, assisted by Alex Nart scored his second goal in minute 72. A small brawl sent off Alan Dubrov and a player from The Macabees. Estevez made up for this by scoring a third personal goal and fifth team goal in the 88th minute. The whistle blew with a 5-2 scoreline and cheering Turtles.

Sel Appa hosts Jeruselem next in Anila City in what may be an interesting match. Sel Appa has never defeated Jeruselem, but did manage a draw in a precup friendly tournament. The team hopes for another draw and may pull it off. Dazza Dallas and her team probably think they are hotshots and will win, but the Turtles think and plan to play otherwise. Sel Appa has a 2-0-0 record with ten matches to go. The goal difference is +4 (7-3).

Alasdair I Frosticus

15-04-2007, 06:55

RP cut-off

MD 3 scores and tables (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12545892&postcount=3)
Mistakes in tables, where relevant, should be noted in discussion thread.

Errinundera's RP below not counted to MD 3.

St. Samuel, no you weren't being stupid - you couldn't find an Fmjphoenix roster because there isn't one. Not everyone contributes a roster.

Errinundera

15-04-2007, 07:27

(D'oh - missed the cut-off while drafting my RP.)

News item from the First Creek Falls (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/First_Creek_Falls) Age

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/Agemasthead.gif

TWINS RETIRE IN WAKE OF POTOROOS' SHAMEFUL DISPLAY

Bonang midfield twins ysteri and este have announce their retirement from international football following the potoroos’ dismal performance against the 113rd ranked SS Oaklands yesterday. Question marks are also hanging over veteran angelic genderqueer captain, rosaniel, and her gender preference counterpart in goals, owiavi.

ysteri admitted that her recent poor form was partly due to her choreography commitments with the Bonang Erotic Dance Collective. “BEDCOL” is my number one love at the moment. This is a young and exciting dance company. We are developing some sensational moves. I guess football has become something of a part time activity for me. My performances in the first two games were below par and, frankly, I’m not fully fit. Really I’m not really in a bother about the loss to SS Oaklands so I guess that means I should move on and give someone hungrier a chance.”

Her brother, este, has never fully recovered from the knee reconstruction that kept him out of the World Cup 33 campaign. “We’ve reached 30 and, even with my knee problems, I know my body pretty well and it’s just not performing like it used to. My partner wants to trade me in for a younger model, she says. It’s sort of fitting to retire the same time as sis.”

At the after-match press conference team captain, rosaniel, expressed her keen disappointment at the loss. “Early in my career we were the giant killers. Now that we are ranked number 15, all the fringe teams want to knock us off. But, to tell the truth, it was worse than that. SS Oakland is a nation in serious decline. Their football administration is almost non-existent. The facilities for both teams were deplorable and only a few hundred supporters turned up for the game. We didn’t even know who we were playing until we invited the opposition team around to have dinner with us last night. Mind you, getting in contact with the them was hard enough – we couldn’t find out who the governing body was. We should have beaten them 4-nil. Perhaps we’re not as good as we thought.”

When asked about her own performance, rosaniel was blunt. “It was shit. I’ve still got the smarts but I’ve slowed down. My 37 year old body isn’t as responsive as my 27 year old body was. I hope this game is a one off for me. I’m reviewing my future after every game. With my two goals against Netherwallop I believe I have what it takes to play at this level and I still have the drive. I guess we will have to wait and see.

SS Oaklands 1
Errinundera 0

Az-cz

15-04-2007, 10:48

Amda-Mo: Another disappointing 2-2 draw leaves Az-cz floundering well outside of the top spots.

Lur-Mn: Yes, but at least this time it was against Oliverry, a strong opponent. Still something's not quite right with the team. We looked fantastic against Geisenfried, woodshedding the coach's old squad and pitching a shutout. But once again today we let in a couple of easy goals that took the full three points from us.

Amda-Mo: What's the problem?

Lur-Mn: Poor play. I can't believe the mistake Nerazzuri made on the second Oliverry goal. It's like the team's not focused. But if they don't get it together soon we're going to miss out on this cup.

Amda-Mo: Do you really think that's a possibility?

Lur-Mn: I think we'll be ok, but we're already four points adrift of the playoff spot. Not even direct qualification. The playoffs. We've allowed two goals in both of our games that counted. Yes we haven't lost yet but a bunch of ties aren't enough. We need to play better.

Amda-Mo: What advice would you give to coach Hausen?

Lur-Mn: I don't know. I hate to say take Stanleyinho out of the lineup and see if EE-Or can do a better job of finishing but something isn't right. We ought to be finding more goals and playing better defense. We're the defending second place finishers. We ought to be winning some of these matches.

Amda-Mo: That's the only lineup change you'd make?

Lur-Mn: Possibly take out one of the midfielders. Go back to the 4-5-1 of two cups ago. Maybe relegate Shockey to the bench. Maybe get Lo-Ro's experience back in there. It's hard to say. I don't know that lineup changes will do it. The players just need to get focused and stop making mistakes. These results don't change the fact that we're the best team in the group.

Amda-Mo: So it's a players side issue?

Lur-Mn: Well clearly both are involved. Getting players motivated and focused is definitely part of a coaches job. Look at what happened last cup after the stunner to Northern Bettia. Coaches Hawdon and Khim got the team focused, kept morale high and they reeled off five straight wins to make the finals. The coach has a role here to be sure. But we're talking about a squad that has seen every single player being on the squad for a world cup finals. A squad that has been to three straight cups. These are very experienced players. They shouldn't make these kind of mistakes even if they were playing without a coach. It's just disappointing.

Amda-Mo: Next up is Junista, sitting in third place with wins over Ropa-Topia and over the Kampfers team we couldn't beat. What are your thoughts there?

Lur-Mn: Well Junista is clearly a good team as they've shown in their two wins here and in pushing Kiryu-shi in the Baptism of Fire. But let's face it. They finished third in their group of five in the Baptism of Fire. They were the 8-seed going into the knockouts. We better get the full three points against them. You hate to put a coach on notice this early into the process but Hausen's job will be in serious danger if we let another weak team take points off of us. Especially considering the shortness of these qualifiers. There just isn't time to come back like there was last cup.

Amda-Mo: Predictions?

Lur-Mn: I think we'll win cause we have to. The Az-cz squad I know and the players who won the Baptism of Fire and made the finals last cup are determined if they are anything. They know what they need to do and they'll get us headed in the right direction.

Jeruselem

15-04-2007, 12:10

<Dinkie, Monique and a quiet man>

Dinkie: Hi, I'm Dinkie Dosha!
Monique: And I'm Monique Alexander, and this is THE FOOTBALL LIFE. No Dazza, but we have her man here! His name is Finn Fumbles if people don't know.
Finn: Hi everyone (looks nervous)

Dinkie: OK Finn, what do you think of Sel Appa?
Finn: Oh, nice place. It's nice to travel with the wife, even if she isn't behaving herself as normal.
Monique: So, what you think of the current results?
Finn: Good good, a good win today.

Dinkie: Group 6 - and the big game! Jeruselem vs Sel Appa, Crusaders vs Turtles. Will in the willy turtles defeat the 2nd seed or win the Dazzas dazzle? You know the answer.

Monique: We are in Sel Appa and beat the locals FOUR TWO. The Turtles did play well but the Jeruselem attack proved a monk, a little girly and gay guy can do the job, as well as an army girl. Things didn't look good then the Turtles score first after Major Rashina Dallas tripped over and allowed the Sel Appans to score with no defense. But the good Major struck back with goal for another Dallas raid, like her auntie did. After that Jeruselem turned on the blowtorch with Big Gay Al, Brother Haven and my co-host Dinkie scoring from set pieces. We did conceded a late goal but our team showed 2nd seeds aren't here to play girly games.

Dinkie: Player of the game was Big Gay Al, with his assists and enterprising play to baffle the Turtle defense.
Finn: I think he likes me too.
Monique: Eh, there's other people who like you too! (winks at Finn)

Dinkie: Stop making Finn go red Moany, he's married. In other games - the team no one can spell beat the Raging Penguins THREE TWO to finally get some respect after two terrible games and The Macabees fell to the Oglethorpia, TWO NIL. Business as usual! the HURD has the bye, but don't know what robots do during byes.
Monique: Nothing special today, and Jeruselem push aside the big rival, keeping our 100% record against Group 6 and Sel Appa.

Dinkie: A big game! The Ox men or Qazox took on ex-world champ Sqournshelous in Group 7. What a cracker, the Qazox team took it up to the team with a name who we can spell, but went down ONE NIL. A tough loss for Qazox who could have won the game but the Sqournshelous proved too good on the day!
Monique: And the other big game for in Group 7, well sort of. The Nedalian lions took on some Algal Bloom, err Algal States and only got a draw, 1 ALL. Not good, they needed the win and the Algal States proved too slimy, get it!

Finn: That's one from Dazza's joke book.
Dinkie: Now, the Quaks faced the Bettian team. Yes, Bettia is only team ranked above us and the Quaks slew the GIANT. An upset with Bettia crashing to a THREE ONE loss. Big upset but we think the Quaks are finals contenders but this proves it.
Monique: Dazza likes the Quaks and she's right to say they are a good team as Bettia found out.
Finn: Dazza likes her bush being quaked ... oops (goes red, girls giggle)

Dinkie: We are back home next game, so please fill up the crowd and cheer us on.
Monique: And make sure, you wear the team colours! Go the Red and White or the pink and white if you have the female team strip.

Dinkie: YAP YAP. We got a response from the public about our coach sleeping with a coach to get to her dreams. Mixed as usual.
Monique: The older generation were outrages a cheerleader could sink so such lows of morals while the younger crowd were happy she did these things because it's real life and not some ideal of women pretend to have. Conservatives send the usual slander while some feminists support the stance about it still being a man's world and you have to these things get ahead as a woman. Opinions guys! Err, I sleep around as a living so you know my stance.

Dinkie: As good Jewish girl, I'd condemn it but I can't. I won't go to such attempts but I face men saying I shouldn't be here in the World cup when a man should. Some of my older relatives think this way, but Dazza bulldozed a path for women footballers so we don't have to sleep with coaches to get into teams. These days, it's good so I think what Dazza had to is no longer necessary.
Finn: Err, Dazza likes attention. She does anything for attention so I'm not surprised.

Dinkie: Well, that's in THE FOOTBALL LIFE in Sel Appa. Good night!
Monique: Hey Finn, you finish the show.
Finn: As my wife says, ON YA BIKE.

<Camera turns off>

Dazza: Hey girls and of course, the MAN. It's time for lunch. Finn, Monique - let's go to town and pig out.
Finn: Dazza has been eating a lot lately.
Monique: You'll be the MAN with two girls hanging off you

Bazalonia

15-04-2007, 13:08

Things soccer-wise had been going great but then again they had been facing teams like J-Man2k7 and Random Toast well, that was until they faced the Schiavonian Sloths. Going from the worst teams in the group to the best team in the group caused many problems for the Bazalopes, even with the thrumpings that the Bazalopes gave to the other teams they could only manage a single goal compared to the Schiavonian 3 goals. So while the Bazalopes performed well, it just wasn't enough.

Meanwhile, Joseph Trian was on his way to Pacitalia flying on a BazAir flight to Timiocato, Pacitalia. He was going to catch a Bus to Amita and then catch a ferry from Amita over into Atheistic Right. While there were passenger planes that did fly into Darwinia but Joseph didn't want to fly in Atheistic Airspace, perhaps it was the history of Atheistic Right terrorism, or Perhaps it was the relative lack Air Traffic Control.

The plane landed and he had a few hours before the bus trip, after wondering around the streets of the Cosmopolitan Pacitalian capital he got on the bus trip that would take him on A30 and A42 roots from Timiocato to Mandragora and then onto Amita. There was nothing very interesting at all that was worth mentioning that happened during the bus trip. However due to a minor scheduling issue, Joseph had just 45 minutes to get to the ferry station go through cutoms and get on the Ferry to Atheistic Right. However it was relatively quicker than expected and he made it with 10 minutes.

The reason why he was going to Atheistic Right? Well, with everything that happenedif there was any one that could pull this type of crazy scheme off it would be the Great Lion, even though he would be in hiding. The reason he said he was going there is that there was this large gaming event that would provide the perfect cover for the Bazalonian to enter into Atheistic Right and stick his nose in.

As He made his way to the extremely and unbelievably large centre where it was being held. He had some Counter-Strike games to play, he played but only half-heartedly. This was one of the few times he didn't want to attract any unusual attention.

After his games, which he went out in around the middle of the tournament, purposefully loosing a match that he could of won but it gave him the status of a good but not great player and those where a dime a dozen so hopefully no one would take any interest in him at all but it also gave him some decent amount of time to browse the convention and pick up some information. Any sort of information.

He started to browse the stalls, looking at some of the technological advances that had become public domain. While there was nothing earth shattering, the quality and power of the items there were consistently better and the style hinted that there was more that was not available to the public, but that was only speculation.

However as he progressed there was a glint in the corner of his eye, something that stood out but he couldn’t see it properly, so he pretended to examine this stall, getting to an angle that he could properly survey whatever it was. There was a person there, and even before he had fully turned the person had disappeared. His instincts told him that he was following him.
He tested this as much as he could moving around, pausing and stopping at stalls randomly, and yes the person was still there. He was certainly being followed, The only possible reason for them to follow him was for something he would rather not think about. Now he knew that he would have to dig further but not here not now. He’d come back and find out what it was but now it was time to leave.

As he started on his way out he noticed that there were people that were guarding the door, not in any obvious way, but they were there. He had to find another way out, taking a quick covert around he noticed toilets were nearby, surely he could find a way out there. Using a burst of unusual speed he caught his followers off guard and had lost them on his way to the toilets.

But when he reached there he realised he had been hurded into a trap but it was too latea beam of wood laid down on the back of his neck, He started to black out as he collapsed unconscious on the floor. What was happening where he find himself when woke up? Would he wake up? He wasn’t sure and he cursed himself for falling into such a trap as he went into the inky blackness.

Kiryu-shi

15-04-2007, 15:11

Kiryu-shi Wins Their First Match; Mayberry With a Hattrick

By Michio Hibbert

Sakaino, Kiryu-shi Kiryu-shi finally managed to get their first qualifying points in their third match with a 4-1 victory over the unranked Gnejs squad. The Gnejs Dandelions, a team who played with little to no success in the 2006 International Democratic Union Football Championship, a regional tournament. However, they did manage to draw against third seeded Northern Caesarea last week, stirring up some thoughts that they weren’t as bad as advertised. However, Kiryu-shi managed take a relatively easy victory at their home stadium.

____After playing the top two seeds in the first two weeks, many players seemed to embrace the idea of playing the only seed that was ranked below them, as they got off to a powerful start. Playing a more free and open game than at any other time during the Cup thus far, trusting the defensive line to be able to hold their own, Kiryu-shi pressured the Dandelions from the opening whistle. After Isaac Levi took the ball down the right side and penetrated into the penalty box, where he executed a quick pass with the heel of his shoe to an open Pat Mayberry, who put the ball into the net to make the score one nil in the 14th minute. Mayberry got another goal in the 16th minute when Gregory Iverson’s shot deflected off the hip of a defender and landed at the feet of Mayberry, who easily converted the scoring opportunity from nine yards out. The game slowed down soon after, as Kiryu-shi’s passing began to get a little sloppy, and they gave up possession too easily. Neither team gave up a goal until halftime.

____Kiryu-shi came of break with one player missing. Garret McGee, who had a very quiet first half was still in the training room, and Emily Boyle had taken his place on the pitch. No word on whether on his injury is serious or not.

____The Kiryu-shi defense was caught napping just a few short minutes into the second half, as a Gnejs player managed to get completely open from 23 yards out and scored a beautiful goal into the corner of net. However, they tightened up, and Mayberry managed to put Kiryu-shi up by two again in the 54th minute as Hellen Gandy made a beautiful through pass with Mayberry racing in through the side to meet the keeper one on one. He easily flicked it above the charging goalie to score his third goal of the game. At that point, Coach Bruce Lewis substituted 17 year old Patrick Mann for Gandy and 21 year old Martin Jones for Matthew Pruet, to get some younger players more playing time. The strategy paid off, as Mann made a beautiful assist to let fellow reserve, the 18 year old Boyle, to get open and score the final goal of the match in the 79th minute. Kiryu-shi dominated ball-possession for most of the match, and truly looked the best that they had all tournament.

____Kiryu-shi’s next qualifying match will be at Lovisa, the former football giant. However, their team has been spiraling downwards in the last few years, it seems, and this year they are off to a slow start, losing their first two matches. In other group news, Quakmybush, after beating the Dragons by just one goal last match, had a stunning three to one victory over top ranked Bettia to solidify their chances to make it to the final tournament. Northern Caesarea also has yet to lose in three matches, although they drew once, against Gnejs. There are unconfirmed reports that Kiryu-shi has arranged to play against a friendly against the strong Sel Appa Turtles squad.

Carboni

15-04-2007, 15:59

(ooc: This is an Errinundrian RP – written from the perspective of a puppet citizen)

Diary of an Errinundrian Football Fan from Carboni

Twin Gonads 2 v Gonad Support 4

For some reason only understood by Errinundrians the Bonang football team is known as the Gonads. If you ask a Bonanger how they got the name they just reply, “Bonang Gonads, get it?” and look at you as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

The most famous Gonads at the moment are ysteri and este who have just retired from international football following the debacle against SS Oaklands. This means that there were no Gonads in the Potoroos for the game against Wentland at the Bonang Cricket Ground. People wondered if the ground, with seating for 101,000 people, would be filled even though Wentland were semi-finalists in the last World Cup. They needn’t have worried. Bonangers love their football

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/BCG5.jpg

Bonang 6 v Carbonian 0

This place is huge. At over 20 million it's Errinundera’s largest city. And there are no cars. People go everywhere by public transport. There are railway and tramway tracks everywhere - all in dilapidated condition. Like McKillops Bridge this isn’t a tree city, so it has conventional buildings. But you try to understand the layout of a city with no roads. Nothing makes sense. Getting from my hostel to the ground saw me change trains 7 times. People at the hostel said that only one change was necessary. This might be so, but I’m not even sure I entered the right train station to start off with. Just as well I planned to arrive at the ground 2 hours before kick-off.

Nudity 0 v Decorum 1

The match was played on Yom Hashoa, the day that Jews commemorate the Holocaust, so, as a mark of respect for all victims of genocide, the Bonangers wore clothes. Good thing I say. Prior to the start of the match a horn was blown which was followed by a minute’s silence. 101,000 quiet people in a football stadium is an awesome experience.

Errinundera 2 (rosaniel 34, snaporoo 40) v Wentland 0

The Potoroos believe in all out attack. The Swifts are dour, methodical and defensive. The first half was played almost entirely in the Errinundrian attacking end of the ground. It wasn’t pretty football. The Errinundrians pushed forward relentlessly but the Wentlanders seemed to have them covered every time.

That was until rosaniel plucked something out of nothing. A corner kick landed in heavy traffic and the ball started ricocheting around all over the place as players desperately tried to score or defend. Replays show rosaniel moving to an unexpected spot and the ball arriving in front of quer. It was if que anticipated the ricochets. Que then kicked it past 6 players into the net. About 5 minutes later Snaporoo was fouled in the box and scored from the resultant penalty. It was hard to imagine that Wentland had the strategy to pull back these goals.

Errinundera 0 v Wentland 2 (Newton 81, Treves 84)

In the second half the Potoroos played percentage football. If the first half was messy, this was plain dull. The Bonangers made their feelings known after about 5 minutes by hissing in unison non-stop. This seemed to rattle both teams who became even more tentative.

This continued until the last 15 minutes of the game when the only adventurous play by either side resulted in a sickening collision between rosaniel and “Vicious” Vic Guthrie that left both players severely concussed and stretchered from the ground. The entire tenor of the game altered from that point. The Swifts began swooping all around the ground while the Potoroos retreated to their burrows. Skilful running goals from Lennie Newton and Frankie Treves reduced the crowd to the same silence prior to the start of play. It was an eerie experience.

Expectations 3 v Fulfilment 0

My new friends tell me that there was a time, not that long ago, when Errinundrians would have been celebrating a 2-2 draw with the world’s number 11 side. The festivities may well have included torching one or more unpopular businesses after the game. Instead we all left the ground in dignified silence.

Tynelia-Tessan

15-04-2007, 16:04

((ooc- no luck signing on as tynelia today))

Gina Gibbons: Hello everyone and welcome to Coach Chat a Tynelian News Network special program which brings together coaches from various sports to talk about the current going ons in their sport. I’m your hostess Gina Gibbons and with me today are three of the four men who have coached the Tynelian national soccer team. CoachAdam Billington, Coach Jim Tudor and Tynelia’s first ever coach- Coach Marcus O’Meara hello gentlemen.

Coaches: Hello Gina.

Gina: Coach Billington how do you feel the team looks after today’s tough 1-1 draw against the group’s top seed Commerce Heights today?

Billington: Well it was a good job by the defense to only allow 1 goal, I think Sean MacDougal had his best game of the qualifiers today.

Tudor: Indeed, and the MacDougal clan continues to do well. It was a nice job by Coach Masterson to realize that Connor MacDougal was being covered quite closely by CH and switched to making Duncan the primary focus of the offense in the second half.

O’Meara: What? Speak up Gina I’m 74 years old you know.

Gina: <more loudly> Sorry Coach O’Meara. We just wanted to hear what you thought of the game.

O’Meara: Ah a grand old game soccer is, the kids did good out there.

Gina: Was it a bit of a disappointment to only come away with a single point despite being at home Coach Tudor?

Tudor: Yes and no. When I was the coach we were considered lucky to get any points off a top seed so in that mindset getting a point is good. However given our improvements these past couple of Cups I’m sure the team is a bit disappointed with only a draw.

Billington: Well the important thing though Jim is that they didn’t make up any ground on us though. And with Yafor 2’s upset loss we’re in front alone now.

Tudor: True Adam, CH might be smarting a bit with the result however. Many experts including our own have them cruising to the Cup proper so any stumble even to the number 2 seed is probably considered an upset on their side.

O’Meara: <loudly> Good ol’ defensive soccer. Those are the best matches.

Gina: So you think it wasn’t that big an issue that Tynelia rallied in the second half to tie the match up after CH took the lead midway through the first half?

Billington: Oh it was important Gina. It shows the fans out there that the team isn’t content to sit on their laurels from last Cuop’s qualifications.

Tudor: Indeed, in the past the team had trouble coming back from any deficit, especially against the top squads. Now they’ve gotten over that block. That shows a team that feels they can play with anyone now and believe they can win. In my time, there were certain matches we went into just hoping not to be beaten too badly. But Coach Masterson has the team believing in themselves. This is a good sign.

O’Meara: <loudly> Jay Masterson, what a young hotshot he was back in the day, I bet he’d make a good coach one day though.

<the other three just look at O’Meara before continuing>

Gina: So, we all agree the team is playing well right now. Does this mean we can start making reservations for the Cup now?

Tudor: Oh not quite yet Gina. Rorysville is up next, a team that started in the same BoF as us and coming off a big win against Yafor 2. They won’t be easy to beat, this will be another test of the team’s ability to focus coming off a big draw last match.

Billington: Yes this will be a smaller version of what happened in the Cup proper. The team got the huge upset against Krytenia and everyone figured they would have a great chance of moving on. Instead they lost their next two quite handily and finished last. Let’s see if they’ve learned how to keep their momentum. I think they will do fine but you never know.

O’Meara: <loudly> Rorsyville? They were the group whipping post, not a single point in the BoF, always an easy win!

Gina: Coach O’Meara that was a long time ago, they’ve gotten much better since then.

O’Meara: <loudly> Bah once a whipping post always a whipping post I say. Look at all these other teams we faced back then. Half of them aren’t even around anymore and who else has made the cup but us? No one I tell you.

Billington: Actually Qazox made it, twice I think.

O’Meara: <loudly> Those oxen people? Nasty folk, they couldn’t possibly have qualified. Pooping everywhere those things did, why you had to watch every inch of the field you were playing in case they left presents behind!

Gina: <looking around nervously> Well I think that’s all the time we have for today. I’d like to thank my guests today Coaches Adam Billington, Jim Tudor and Marcus O’Meara for being here today on Coach Chat.

Billington and Tudor: A pleasure Gina.

O’Meara: <still going on loudly> …and don’t get me started about those Wombats! Nasty things, why they robbed us of our BoF title they did, ate through our shoelaces so we couldn’t keep our shoes on during the match, running uphill both ways to attack the net…..

<Camera cuts off >

Qazox

15-04-2007, 16:20

QSPNFootball.com Match Report

QAZOX 0-Squornshelous- 1

As predicted, a classic match between the Black Oxen and the Psychoes came down to the final 5 minutes, and unfortunately for the Black Oxen, the Psychoes came away with the 1-0 victory. A deflected shot by Jaromil Ctibor went off of Ryan Holmes' leg and past Greg Wolfen to give the visitors the only goal. Qazox' attack was stiffled all day by the brilliant goal keeping of Ensio Varg. In such a close match, a bounce here or there, and possibly the Black Oxen would have won. Can not wait for the re-match in Squornshelous.

The next match for the Black Oxen is a trip to Zwangzug. The two sides have never met, so this should be an interseting match. Qazox needs to win to stay pace with surprising group leader, St. Pauls Isle.

Scoring Summary:
QAZOX: none
SQR: Jaromil Ctibor- 87'

St Samuel

15-04-2007, 16:26

Ulzaxid (0) 0
St Samuel (1) 2
Bezzi-Louaza 7
St John 63

St Samuel manager, Louis Della Penzzi praised the grit of his side after the 2-0 away win over Ulzaxid on MD3, to keep St Samuel top of Group 5 with 9 points.

"It was a fantastic performance, It was as good as our previous games in terms of the endurance and courage, It was absolutely magnificent, I was so proud."

St Samuel winger Maxi Bezzi-Louaza was again on the scoresheet and Della Penzzi praised his goalscoring exploits as well as the contribution of strikers St John and Mazzerani.

Bezzi-Louaza's goal came with just 7 minutes played and was a dream start for the Latin Crusaders in a tough place for teams to travel to. Bezzi-Louaza hit the ball from about 25 yards out after a mazy solo run and a mistake by the goal keeper, who misjudged the shot and slipped, saw St Samuel go 1-0 up early on.

St Samuel seemed to be playing with great confidence and striker Mazzerani thought he had scored his first World Cup Qualifiers goal, only to be denied by some great goal keeping. St Samuel played some great flowing football and hardly allowed Ulzaxid to settle into the game.

The first half finished Ulzaxid 0, St Samuel 1.

Ulzaxid started the second half with a new vigour and forced St Samuel to defend for the first 15 minutes of the half. St Samuel were unable to stop the constant attacks and a number of shots on goal saw Niclas Corinthian show another commanding goal keeping display.

Leo Sensini once more played an influential role in central midfield and on the 63rd minute Sensini shot from 30 yards out, only for the goal keeper to make an amazing save and turn the ball onto the cross bar. The ball smashed off the cross bar and fell to Dexter St John who tapped in to make the score line 2-0.

Player Ratings
Niclas Corinthian 8
Tyrone Rock 8
Paulo Monte-Pellaino 7
Frankie Le Ricco 8
Roberto Zaggi 7
Leo Sensini 9
Aaron De Villion 8
Maxi Bezzi-Louaza 9
Omar Batista 8
Dexter St John 8
Enzo Mazzerani 6

Green wombat

15-04-2007, 16:27

GREEN WOMBAT PAPER THING OF HAPPY NEWS

Many happy time for team as wins three and losses stll zero!

Aurendia too weak for our team muscles

we get 4 balls into net but let one into ours bad time

they get ball in 13th minute and laugh at we

but we happy in 20 minute when Emmanuel Rinn get goal

Emmanuel Rinn get goal of twoness in 30 minute, we winning again

Humberto Oshita make happy time in pants when ball go in 44 minute

and last happytime for Freddy Ripa in 67 minute

now go to BYE.. i try to find BYE on map but no find? anyone helping me?

for paper this Torat bye bye.

Northern Bettia

15-04-2007, 16:48

The Anyuna Observer: I wanna have your babies!
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y231/bettia/nbet-badge.gif
The System Works!

Northern Bettia..........4 (Hiyashibara 52pen 76 88, Iyopa 66)
Turruth Gordur.........2 (Glaurung 13 39)

Yes, we all know the score - play Northern Bettia and, if all things go well, you'll end up playing against the referee too. Okay, things didn't quite go according to plan in their opener against Jasï-Yün, but things got right back on track in the second game against newcomers Holweg, running out 4-0 victors after managing to get three of their players sent off.

So, next up was a home game against Turruth Gordur, a team with something of a reputation for being a bunch of bloodthirsty savages, a team that prides itself on cracking shins and what-not. So it shouldn't be too difficult to tip the scales in the Fire Ants' favour, right? Well, not quite. Although they sucedded in getting the vast majority of the Turruth Gordur team in the ref's book, by some bizarre twist of fate, not one of them were sent off. In then end, it took a great deal of patience and some wily bending of the rules to break down this stubborn outfit.

It was evident right from the kickoff that the visitors were fired up for this game, creating a number of early chances so it was no surprise when they went ahead after 13 minutes, albeit in slightly controversial circumstances. After Bragollach's shot was deflected around the post by the, ahem, posterior of Idasenai, Magda floated the resulting corner into the goal area for Glaurung. The centre-forward rose up to meet the ball, as did goalkeeper Jon Ozeki. However, Glaurung got there first and nodded the ball in, despite appearing to use his elbow on Ozeki. Unfortunately the referee's view seemed to be obscured and, despite some fierce protests by the home team, the goal was allowed to stand.

A visibly pissed-off Fire Ants responded by stepping up a gear and Hiyashibara soon forced a fine save from Madril in the Turruth Gordur goal before Eric Idasenai's header crashed against the crossbar. Northern Bettian chances started to come thick and fast as they searched for the equaliser, but they were hit on the break by a quick kick out by Madril to find Bragollach in the Bettian half. After successfully holding off the challenge of the inexperienced Negima, he cleverly tapped the ball to Glaurung, who raced clear of the back line and shot to put the visitor's two goals up.

Now, football is a game of many clichès, and the second half saw Northern Bettia employ one of their own - fight fire with fire. Feeling hard done by by what they regarded as their opponents' rough tactics, especially with their first goal, they set out to twist the game around.

It only took seven minutes for that plan to come to fruition. A looping diagonal ball from Marcus Megumi found Sakasayou racing down the wing, who then played the ball through the channel to find Hiyashibara sprinting into the penalty area clear of his marker. Goalkeeper Madril raced out to meet him, forcing the striker wide who then seemed to fall under his challenge. Despite his vehement protests of not being anywhere near the player (an arguement that was later backed up by TV replays), the spot-kick was awarded and Madril was booked for dissent. The Akani Sands striker, who has made a good start to his career in the Bettian Apex League, picked himself up after a quick dab from the physio's 'magic' sponge, and promptly smashed the ball home to make the score 1-2.

This pattern of play continued, with Northern Bettia pulling out every trick in the book to gain the advantage, and it soon paid off with the award of a free-kick just outside the penalty area for a supposed handball. As Kyobu prepared to take the free-kick, Matt Shukuoka took up a position in the defensive wall, a ploy designed to disrupt their opponent's organisation. At the precise moment dictated by this training ground move, Shukuoka ducked and Kyobu fired the ball through the hole in the wall. Unluckily for him, Madril tipped the ball onto the inside of the post, but luckily for the capacity crowd that had crammed themselves in Sakura Park, Paul Iyopa was first to react and he gleefully smashed the rebound home.

With Northern Bettia back on level terms and with plenty of decisions going against them thanks to the home team's subtle influence, Turruth Gordur began to lose their composure and started to commit a number of errors. Misplaced passes, aimless lofted balls into the grateful arms of Ozeki, and biting all too easily at the Fire Ants' baiting saw Northern Bettia gradually gain a sizable territorial advantage, and the away team found it nigh on impossible at times to get out of their own half.

It was one such erorr that resulted in Northern Bettia going ahead for the first time after 76 minutes, after Ola Hiyashibara intercepted a loose pass between Nazg and Sangria before dinking the ball over Madril's head. The victory was wrapped up two minutes from time, as was Hiyashibara's hat-trick thanks to a stunning 30-yard shot that curled just inside the near post.

This win sees Northern Bettia climb equal on points with the leaders and group favourites, Turori and The Archregimancy. After such an effort, Northern Bettia take a well-earned rest on Matchday Four to regather their energies before taking a trip to Mekhule.

Fixtures / Results

MD..OPPONENT...............VENUE...RESULT

Qualifying Group 2

01: Commerce Heights JSY...HOME....L 0-1
02: Holweg.................Away....W 4-0
03: Turruth Gordur.........HOME....W 4-2
04: BYE
05: Mekhule................Away....
06: The Archregimancy......HOME....
07: Turori.................HOME....
08: Commerce Heights JSY...Away....
09: Holweg.................HOME....
10: Turruth Gordur.........Away....
11: BYE
12: Mekhule................HOME....
13: The Archiregimancy.....Away....
14: Turori.................Away....

Wentland

15-04-2007, 17:00

Norman Hacker was incandescent at half-time. "Two nil! Against these bloody potatoes!"

"It was never a bloody penalty, boss."

"I don't bloody care, what about the first? I spend ALL THAT TIME DRILLING YOU FOR SET-PIECES AND YOU CAN'T CLEAR A BLOODY CORNER!!!! THE SIMPLEST BLOODY THING IN FOOTBALL!!! JUST PUT YOUR BLOODY FOOT THROUGH IT!!!!!"

"We tried, boss...but it kept ricocheting..."

"Oh, well done Jarvis, you've learnt a new word. Let me tell you something. You are going to go out in the second half and you are not going to let in another goal. And you are going to score twice. Or else I'm pulling you off. Where's Savage? I'm pulling him off now."

"I think someone's beaten you to it, boss..."

"What do you mean?"

"Last I saw he vanished into a cupboard with Stacey Cadman...he was always a sucker for blondes..."

"RIGHT!!!! He's off, Treves is on..."

***

The second-half was almost as turgid as the first. The only ray of light was that there was a bit more activity from the Wentland midfield pushing forward but still the chances were not coming.

Then when Guthrie collided with rosaniel the game changed. Wentland physio Bert Bridges took to the pitch with a very attractive looking assistant, with an astonishing resemblance to Luisa Matsushita of the women's midfield. Whereas Bridges attended to the prostrate Guthire the assistant called over Treves, Lennie Newton, Smasher Ackroyd and the Assassin and proceeded to stick her tongue down each of their tonsils one by one. This unusual kiss of life seemed to inspire the quartet and suddenly it was the Ackroyd and Starkey show, with the midfield pairing bombing down both wings, stretching the midfield and sending in crosses and passes for Newton and Treves. With barely ten minutes left it was still 2-0 but a through ball to Newton gave the Maitland maestro and unmissable chance and within five minutes a chip through saw Newton nod wide of the goalkeeper and Treves was first onto it. 2-2.

After the game the questions were all about the physio. "Was that really the women's team number 99?" Hacker was inscrutable. "No, no, no...I think it was some sort of former nun..."

Errinundera

15-04-2007, 17:12

First Creek Falls Age Classifieds

Wanted: Physio for national football team. Must be former nun. Long tongue preferrred.

Apply:
ermainegree
President
Errinundera Football Association
4th branch on the north side
HISISRID tree
First Creek Falls
Errinundera

Bettia

15-04-2007, 17:43

Matchday three, and the Blessed Realm of Bettia was not a happy sight. Spirits were especially heavy at the Pie and Pixie, Bettia's most famous sports café nestled quite nicely in the leafy Gabalfa suburb of Pifton. As was the norm for any of the Aroras' games, the streets were deserted and the P&P was packed to the rafters with those footy fans unlucky enough not to get a ticket for the big game.

The café itself was now under new management after the tragic, although perhaps not so untimely death of Doris, its elderly owner who died along with her newly-wedded husband on the eve of that glorious World Cup final. Now, it was up to their old friend Ali to keep the old place running, and he sat behind the counter, cup of tea in hand, with his faithful pet arora Bapty and her remaining arora-babies scuttling around in the backyard. A photo in memory of the previous owners was perched on the wall behind him, with the walls festooned with green and yellow bunting that seemed to give the place a jolly, party-like ambience.

Ah, but partying was the last thing on the locals' minds as they sat, staring in disbelief at the P&P's new HumungoScreen which now took up almost an entire wall to one side. With just a couple of minutes to go, Bettia were on the verge of losing the big game, their local-ish derby away to Quakmybush. Of course, it wasn't the result that had them shocked - after all, losing to Quakmybush is hardly a disgrace. Oh no, something more serious was up.

"I can't believe it," said Rhys, a middle-aged forty-something who was sat a table just in front of Ali holding a welsh cake, and letting most of it drop onto the floor - a fact that Momo, one of Bapty's litter, was most grateful for as he hungrily gobbled up the crumbs before proceding to leap up and snatch the remains of the half-eaten cake straight out of his hand.

"I know, I know," agreed Evan, an older man with a belly to match. "You just don't expect this kind of thing in this day and age, do ya?"

"Nope. No self-respect at all. I mean, what possesses a perfectly good team to deliberately wear red like that? Anyone would thing it was... well, normal."

Ali shuddered, spilling a drops of tea. "Red, normal? Perish the thought."

"Well I think it's very impolite." a young voice piped up. "Changing their strip at the last minute, not even giving the Aroras time to take their blue strip to the game, or even buy some new blue sunglasses! Very rude!!"

Ali's eyes widened when he heard this voice. It wasn't the voice itself that had him slightly worried, but it was where it came from. It seemed to be coming from... above his head?! He gulped and slowly turned his gaze upwards. Sure enough, the source of the voice was there, sat cross-legged some six foot above his head, facing in the direction of the HumungoScreen whilst sipping at her own cup of tea. The voice belonged to a small girl. She was eight, perhaps even ten years old, wearing a long skirt, with long powder-blue hair tied up in a trio of ponytails.

Ali let out a small gasp when he saw this, which after all is a perfectly understandable reaction to seeing a young girl levitating in your caff. At this point the girl, who had been concentrating, almost transfixed at the events being played out on the screen in front of them, broke away from the televised match and looked down at Ali.

"Are... are you...?" Ali stammered.

The girl clapped her free hand over her mouth. "Ooops! Silly me, I shouldn't have said anything!" she said sheepishly in a muffled voice. "Oh man, my sister's gonna kill me when she finds out I've been watching footy with the fleshies!"

With that she vanished in a puff of dark grey smoke, leaving only her cup which Ali had to catch before it hit him on the head. He examined the cup. It was one of the café's own, bearing the small Pie & Pixie logo, available from behind the counter for just 3 Groats.

"Did any of you guys just see that?" Ali asked Evan and Rhys.

"See what?" they replied.

"There was... there was a girl... sitting there." he said, pointing above his head.

"What, on the ceiling?"

"No, she was in mid-air, floating."

"Floating?! Are you crazy?"

"I swear it. She was right there, I tell ya - right there!" said Ali, frantically pointing up above his head.

"Oh yes, of course Ali - a floating girl. It was probably some smoke. You're always burning the toast here, you know."

"Now you're taking the piss! Burning the toast indeed. I say it was a jinn, and if it is, I want her caught!"

"Caught? Why? So the government can take her away and study her and do experiments and stuff?"

"Sod that. She left without paying the bill!"

Fixtures / Results

MD..OPPONENT................VENUE...RESULT

Qualifying Group 3

01: Kiryu-Shi...............HOME....W 7-1
02: BYE
03: Quakmybush..............Away....L 1-3
04: Gnejs...................Away....
05: Estresse Intenso........HOME....
06: Northern Caesarea.......Away....
07: Lovisa..................HOME....
08: Kiryu-Shi...............Away....
09: BYE
10: Quakmybush..............HOME....
11: Gnejs...................HOME....
12: Estresse Intenso........Away....
13: Northern Caesarea.......HOME....
14: Lovisa..................Away....

Raging Penguins

15-04-2007, 20:00

The first quarter had been surprisingly profitable for The Team, thought John Downing. It had been carefully orchestrated by Norris, and there was more paperwork this time.

The Johns had attacked aggressively, using all their wits to get past the football players. Dressing, despite wearing a flashy polka-dotted shirt with ruffles, managed to convince everybody that he was the referee, and began to make random calls. He was heavily biased against the Schorteskatascansolani team, and all in all, they received one black card, four coffee breaks, a free trip to some foreign country in the tropics, and ten tubs of ice-cream. These calls were very confusing, and commentators tried to ignore them as much as they could.

The Schorteskatascansolani team was also extremely nervous around Miss Harthswipe, who hit on as many of them as s/he could. S/he was even given a red light by John Dressing after s/he tackled a Schorte forward in a very provocative way, and seemed to have problems getting up from off his midsection.

The only goal scored by The Team was made by Peter the Pet Rock, after he charged the defensive line, waving a detonator and soundlessly implying that he was wearing a vest packed with explosives. This caused the defense to falter - if only for a second - and Peter was able to score.

John Downing cheated as much as he could, though his unethical tactics were spotted more than once by Dressings suspicious eyes. He was rewarded fifty push-ups, a fine of five-hundred curses and the shirt off his back after he attempted to put a second football into the goal while the action was on the other side of the field.

John Danning was spotted by a spectator trying to alter the scoreboard in The Team's favor and kicked off the field by a pepper spray-wielding Dressing. He protested that the score was put their by the authorities, but was dragged off by the real referee nonetheless.

The Schorteskatascansolani team failed to score at all in the first half, leaving it at a surprising 1-0 in favor of The Team.

And then came the second half. The Schorteskatascansolani team came out, riled up, and began the second half aggressively. Desperately ignoring John Downing, and avoiding Norris' cries of objection, knocking over the Bureaucrats' desks, and stamping on their paperwork, they charged the goal, and scored, twice in quick succession(one of which was not counted, on the insistence of the Schorteskatascansolani captain, who felt that it wasn't quite legal, and was instead awarded to The Team, which drew cries of objection from Norris, who didn't quite realize what was going on), withdrew, and did it over again.

Towards the end of the match, Miss Harthswipe looked like s/he was going to score, having pinned the terrified and disgusted Duncan Duke between his/her legs. Unfortunately, this caused Miss Harthswipe to lose the ball, having no way to kick it into the goal. Once it was taken back by the Schorteskatascansolani defense, s/he contented her/himself with simply whispering sweet nothings into Duke's ear, which got her/him a restraining order from Dressing, who was still masquerading as the referee. Later, due to inquiry by Norris, s/he was removed from the field after it was pointed out that s/he was supposed to be a defender, and had no business being on the other side of the field. Unfortunately for Duke, this fact was only brought up after the match had ended, and s/he was off the field anyway.

The Bureaucrats, having lost their desks and paperwork, began accosting the Schorte players with ledgers in their hands, demanding signatures and permission forms. However, their plans were upset when it turned out that every single player had the proper forms, signed and valid, provided by none other than John Danning, who was still sulking after Dressing had had him removed.

The last goal was scored when Norris tried to call up the defense to testify against the previous goals, leaving the goal unguarded save for the Stop Sign and the Police Do Not Cross Tape, which performed admirably under the circumstances. The Hatstand was called forth to be the judge, and it ruled that all the previous goals were valid, due to its impatience with Norris, which caused Norris to fly into a temper-tantrum and leave the pitch in a foul mood. The Hatstand then ruled that Miss Harthswipe was to receive no more lipstick if s/he did persisted in trying to take off Duke's clothes. Miss Harthswipe now is barred from receiving any more lipstick.

Assegai Developments

15-04-2007, 20:19

The Crimson Blade
Riskbreakers Double Their Pleasure

In American Fist, the game was as much a story as what happened at a nearby nuclear power plant. Shortly before the game began, a device emitting an electro-magnetic pulse knocked out all the electricity in the area around the power plant, including the football stadium.

With no electricity, the game was played by candle light, score was kept with a blackboard and chalk and members of the media were unable to send in game reports.

Perhaps the good people at American Fist are used to EMPs knocking out their electricity, but American Fist put up a tremendous fight against the visiting Assegai Developments National Team. Thanks to a late goal by striker Viktor Krum, the Riskbreakers escaped with their first victory of the qualifying phase after scrapping tooth and nail with the Fisters.

Assegai forward Samantha Neesa put her team ahead in the 13th minute but American Fist equalized in the 22nd. Assegai forward Severus Snape added the Riskbreakers’ second goal in the 40th. However, Assegai was only to hold the lead for 5 minutes, as the Fisters tied the game right before the half.

It seemed Assegai was doomed to repeat their performance of the first game, but Krum’s goal made all the difference, coming late, when the American Fist fans were already chanting in favor of the draw.

Match Summary

(UR) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/american_fist.png American Fist 2
(34) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/assegai_developments.png Assegai Developments 3

[AF]
??? ???? (22’)
??? ???? (45’)

[AD]
Samantha Neesa (13’)
Severus Snape (40’)
Viktor Krum (87’)

Yellow Cards:
None

Red Cards:
None

Assegai Developments

15-04-2007, 20:35

The Crimson Blade
Riskbreakers Say Hello to Kericia

Editor’s Note: We were unable to send the Assegai Developments v Kericia pre-game report from American Fist due to the EMP that knocked out electricity to the stadium, so here is an abridged version.

After escaping American Fist with a 3-2 victory, Assegai Developments hoped that back in the confines of Cathedral Park they’d perform better against No. 71 Kericia.

For this game, Assegai Manager Sir Knight Edgard Zúniga made a couple of changes in the backline, inserting veterans Romeo Guildenstern and Jan Rosencrantz, with the hopes of shoring up the defense.

Goaltender
#42 Akihiko Yoshida – (Rinaldi Gunners, Elves Security Forces)

Defenders
#4 Francis Rowe – (Sutina Saints, Fort Europe)
#8 Romeo Guildenstern – (Ascama United, Fort Europe)
#22 Jan Rosencrantz - (Ascama United, Fort Europe)
#25 Stephen Maison – (Assegai Developments F.C.)

Midfielders
#31 Alys Spicer – (Matata Wanderers, Fort Europe)
#10 Ashley Riot (C) – (Assegai Developments F.C.)
#69 Fleur Delacour (Assegai Developments F.C.)

Forwards
#5 Severus Snape – (F.C. Capri, Elves Security Forces)
#33 Viktor Krum – (Assegai Developments F.C.)
#20 Samantha Neesa – (Char Sara Inferno, Elves Security Forces)

Reserves
GK #3 Callo Merlose – (Char Sara Inferno, Elves Security Forces)
GK #1 Winnefred Save – (Cathedral Spooks D.C.)
DEF #76 John Hardin – (D.S. Assegai)
DEF #70 Barnard Mallowburne – (S.C. Vagrant Hills)

DEF #7 John Müllenkamp – (Cathedral Phantoms F.C.)
DEF #2 A.J. Durai – (A.C. Leá Monde)
DEF #32 Anne Saye – (Fort Lakaria City, Fort Europe)
MID #56 Joshua Bardorba – (S.C. Vagrant Hills)
MID #13 Duke Bardorba – (S.C. Vagrant Hills)
MID #32 Agatha Denys – (A.C. Leá Monde)
MID #45 Duane Grissom – (Kibuye F.C., The Interahamwe)
FWD #8 Ursula Goode – (Cathedral Phantoms F.C.)
FWD #11 Sidney Losstarot – (Mar Sara Flames, Elves Security Forces)
FWD #9 Dominic Saint-Émilion – (Rinaldi Gunners, Elves Security Forces)
FWD #18 Stephen de Cobham – (Assegai Developments F.C.)

Tonight’s Match

(34) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/assegai_developments.png Assegai Developments

VS
(71) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/kericia.png Kericia

@ Cathedral Park, Leá Monde, Assegai
Capacity: 75,000

http://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a371/DUBKansas/GreatCathedral.jpg
http://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a371/DUBKansas/GreatCathedral3.jpg
http://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a371/DUBKansas/GreatCathedral2.jpg

Mikaela Eyre Reporting

Assegai Developments

15-04-2007, 21:00

“A good day to you and yours, wherever you may be on this fine day, this is Mikaela Eyre reporting live from The Great Cathedral, where last night, the Assegai Developments National Team defeated No. 71 Kericia 3-0.

“The Assegai players and supporters all went home satisfied with the victory, Assegai first true, dominating win in the qualifying phase. Assegai Manager Sir Knight Edgard Zúniga might keeper defenders Romeo Guildenstern and Jan Rosencrantz in the lineup after they helped keeper Akihiko Yoshida earn his first shutout of the game.

“In fact, the defense in this game was as much a story in itself as the result, with Guildenstern and Rosencrantz playing staunch in the back, chasing down loose balls and heading out any potential dangers.

“However, Assegai forward Viktor Krum’s early, 5th-minute goal put Kericia on its heels from the beginning. Samantha Neesa added to this with a wild goal that hit both posts before bouncing past the Kericia keeper in the 15th minute.

“Fleur Delacour finished off the tri-fecta in the 67th minute, scoring off a header from Assegai midfielder and team captain Ashley Riot. Delacour celebrated by running to a corner and blowing kisses at a section dedicated to her called the ‘Fleur Pot,’ who showered her with flowers.

“After the game, Assegai players rushed off the field to a huge ovation and added they were headed to the airport, preparing to enjoy their week off in Capri, Elves Security Forces at Assegai forward Severus Snape’s mansion.

“For now, this is all. We will report live from Capri to catch up on the players and get a few comments from them. This is Mikaela Eyre signing off from Assegai. Have a great day!”

Match Summary

(34) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/assegai_developments.png Assegai Developments 3
(71) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/kericia.png Kericia 0

[AD]
Viktor Krum (5’)
Samantha Neesa (15’)
Fleur Delacour (67’)

[KER]
None

Yellow Cards:
None

Red Cards:
None

@ Cathedral Park, Leá Monde, Assegai
Attendance: 75,000

Cafundeu

15-04-2007, 21:08

O JUTENSE NEWSPAPER – ASSOCIATED WITH GLOBO MULTIMEDIA

WORLD CUP 34 QUALIFIERS COVERAGE
Match Report written by O Jutense editor, Milene Escobar
Phrases and images from Globo Multimedia’s coverage, commented by Breno Gavião

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

UNWANTED, BUT PREDICTABLE RESULT

http://img118.imageshack.us/img118/6781/cjutany7.jpg
Cafundó do Juta was the host city of this game

Cafundéu returned home not too well in the standings, wanting to get a good result in the game against Demot. But all went wrong to the Monopolists, who couldn’t show half of their potential and suffered a massacre in the first half. In the second half, the team played better, but not the sufficient to defeat the better team of Demot.

After the game, the supporters started to be very worried. If the country can’t play well at home, how can it confirm it’s status as a favourite to qualify? Although there wasn’t any protests like in the game against St Samuel, the supporters left the game visibly worried and deceptioned, and trying to find an explanation for the poor performances of the team playing at home.

The team will have to react. And this must start with a win in the next game against Magnus Valerius, as the opponent will be a team in poor form and that still didn’t win a point. Because of that, the coach David Nefasto already said that will make many changes in the team, to avoid a possible coach change, as the CCFM thinks that he made many mistakes

THE GAME
Cafundéu started the game with its usual offensive strategy, with ball control and fast counterattacks. But David didn’t prepared the team according to the opponent, and suffered the consequences in the second minute of the game. Priotto lost the ball in the midfield and Vorca started the counterattack. In the end, Masteron received the ball, dribbled Júnior and hit the ball to score the first goal of the game and silence the Cafundelense. Read Breno Gavião:

“Priotto rrrrreceives the ball in the midfield, has the chance to starrrrrt a counterrrrrattack. But Vorrrrrca gets it, fast pass to Masteron. He invades the arrrrrea, drrrrribbles Júnior, will score... and it’s a goal. Goal for Demot! In the second minute of the game! Masteron! Demot one, Cafundéu zero!”

But the game was only starting. Cafundéu suffered with the goal, and couldn’t make efficient counterattacks. But Demot continued strong, and surprised the hosts once again, this time in the nineteenth minute. Masteron passed the ball to Maryweather, who crossed the ball to the area. Unitus jumped and headed the ball, scoring an easy goal.

After suffering two goals in the first minutes of the game, Cafundéu had to play a nearly lost game. But, with some good attacks and accurate tackles, the team started to improve its performance. In the middle of the first half, Heitor received the ball from Kliek, dribbled Thorax and shot to the goal. The goalkeeper saved, and Ijak got the rebound. Unfortunately, the ball went wide.

The visitors continued playing well, and had a chance to score the third goal. Sanz got the ball in the entrance of the area and shot. Júnior sent the ball for a corner kick. Cafundéu replied with a counterattack started by Ray Kirs. He passed the ball to Anormal, who shot from outside the area. The ball hit the bar and left the playing field. The supporters were still hoping for a reaction.

The first half was ending, and Demot was stopping all the attacks of the yellow team. And, in the last minutes, the visitors used all their power to increase their advantage. Darcello Ben dribbled Covas and passed the ball to Sanz, who shot to the goal. Namarra blocked the ball, but Masteron got the rebound and shot to score another goal for Demot. The first half soon ended and Cafundéu’s players were hopeless. Read Breno Gavião’s comments:

“Having prrrrroblems with insects? MataTudo is the solution! This powerful poison kills all the insects and other undesirable animals! Buy it now! Rrrrreturning to football, Demot attacks with Ben. Covas is humiliated with a drrrrribble, Sanz shoots... Namarrrrrrrrrra blocks the ball! Masteron will... oh, not again, it’s a goal! And for Demot! Masteron again! Demot three, Cafundéu zero!”

http://img118.imageshack.us/img118/129/cafxdemir7.jpg
Cafundéu’s players leave the field after a bad game

Cafundéu returned to the second half completely changed. Both full-backs left the game, giving place to offensive-minded players. Covas and Kirs were substituted by Renário and Gaúcho. But these changes didn’t have an immediate impact in the team, as Demot continued better, and tried to score in the first minute with Darcello Ben. Becão saved over the line.

Nefasto’s changes weren’t good, and it was obvious when Demot started attacks with two players more in the attack than Cafundéu’s defenders. After some pressure, Masteron invaded the area after dribbling Namarra and suffered a violent foul from Priotto. Penalty kick and red card to the defensive midfielder. Masteron had to leave the field to receive first aid, and Unitis took the penalty kick. He shot it in the middle of the goal and scored. Masteron returned to the field minutes later.

After scoring the fourth goal, Demot retreated and defended more, wanting to secure the goal difference. But Cafundéu was lucky, and scored a goal soon. Kliek took a corner kick, and Falls headed the ball to his own goal. Orien made the impossible to save, but the rebound went to Ijak who had no difficulties to score the goal. Read Breno Gavião’s comments:

“Corrrrrner kick to Cafundéu. It’s Kliek who will take it. The ball goes to the area, the defender heads it, it’ll be an own goal... Orion saved! Ijak will take the rrrrrebound... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Let’s see the rrrrreplay! Ganz Ijak, number nine! Cafundéu one, Demot four! Prrrrrobably this goal won’t change the result, unfortunately...”

Demot, who played two minutes with a defensive strategy, returned to attack, believing that would score another goal easily. But their temporary overconfidence prejudiced the team. Namarra tackled Corin and passed the ball to Heitor. The attacker changed passes with Renário, who shot. The ball hit the post, but Falcus ran to take the rebound and score another goal for Cafundéu.

In the last minutes, Demot corrected the weakest links of the team, and Cafundéu didn’t have any good attacks. Worse than that, was close to suffer a fifth goal, but the defense worked well. During injury time, Kliek took another corner kick, and Becão appeared inside the area to head the ball to the goal, scoring an unexpected goal. But there was no more time, and the game ended with a Demot victory. Read Breno Gavião:

“Last opportunity of the game. Kliek taking another corrrrrner kick. The ball floats, Becão will head it! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Becão, number four! Cafundéu three, Demot four! Too late for a rrrrreaction, I think... Looking for quality food? Come to the Churrascaria Jutense, the best restaurant of the city! In the Roberto Rivellino road, number two thousand and fifteen!”

AFTER THE GAME
The supporters went back home, but some blamed the coach for the bad results. David Nefasto replied: “We were massacred in the first half, but we reacted in the second half. Not the sufficient, but we showed improvements. The supporters need to stay calm and believe on the team, as I’m sure that we’ll qualify”.

The midfielder Kliek, who made two assists in the game, commented: “The worst first half performance of the National Team ever, I think. We couldn’t control the ball, we let them play. In the second half we were better, but playing with one game less, so there was no hope”. Becão, who scored a goal, said: “We always have bad results at home. Maybe we can defeat Demot playing away”. A supporter said: “Stop with these excuses, you should play with the same level at home and away!”

The president of the CCFM, Counselor-Minister Samuel Makas, didn’t want to comment about a possible change of players or staff members in the National Team, so this probably won’t happen. Later, all the players of both teams received some pamphlets of many stores and restaurants of the city. An unknown man was seen talking with Makas.

http://img158.imageshack.us/img158/5194/4910837681gamz6.jpg
Demot’s players commemorate another goal

CAFUNDÉU 3x4 DEMOT

Place: Praça Maior, in Cafundó do Juta.
Attendance: 150,000 people.
Referee: Frazer Torresmo (Sel Appa).
MOTM: David Masteron (Demot).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Júnior, Covas (Renário 45’), Kirs (Gaúcho 45’), Becão and Namarra; Anormal, Priotto, Falcus (Kemp 85’) and Kliek; Heitor and Ijak.
Coach: David Nefasto.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/demot.png DEMOT: Orien, Dario (Carmichael 45'), Thorax, Mataios and Falls (Corin 64'); Vorca, Masteron and Sanz; Darcello Ben (Santa Maria 81'), Unitus and Maryweather.
Coach: Charles Dogood.

Goals:CAF: Ijak 63' , Falcus 78' , Becão 91'.
DEM: Masteron 2'/43' , Unitus 19'/61'.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cafundéu – formation for game against Magnus Valerius: Durepox, Léo Mattos, Kirs, Becão and Sávio Ferrari; Anormal, Dário, Falcus and Kliek; Heitor and Ijak.
Coach: David Nefasto
Style of +2

Match’s Referee: Anne O’Shaw (Quakmybush).

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Goalscorers after 3 Rounds:

3- G. Ijak
2- Anormal
1- Heitor, R. Kliek, Becão and C. Falcus

Estresse Intenso

15-04-2007, 21:23

Doctor Rogério Landau looks worried. He wants to speak with his assistant, Sabin, as he didn't see Estresse Intenso playing.

DR. LANDAU - "I didn't see the game of our National Team today. What happened?"

DR. SABIN - "But, boss, today was a rest day for our National Team, they're in the training field being prepared for the next game."

DR. LANDAU - "Rest day. What is that?"

DR. SABIN - "We don't play in this matchday, boss, only this."

DR. LANDAU - "It's something like a... holiday?"

DR. SABIN - "Hmm, I guess it is."

DR. LANDAU - "So our football team isn't doing nothing?"

DR. SABIN - "Yes, they're only training."

DR. LANDAU - "They are too lazy! Next time I'll obligate them to play against another team in the next rest matchday! They need to continue playing!"

DR. SABIN - "Alright, I'll try to schedule a friendly."

DR. LANDAU - "Yes, and... hum... today is a rest day?"

DR. SABIN - "Yes."

DR. LANDAU - "You know what we do when we're resting?"

DR. SABIN - "Oh, no, I know... not again."

DR. LANDAU - "Yes! We commemorate our free time! Come with me, let's call Chicão!"

DR. SABIN - "Allright, boss..."

Rejistania

15-04-2007, 22:36

"Hey Tene, can we write anything about the national team?"

"Except that they suck?"

"yeah..."

"not really... You know something?"

"Blamestorming?"

"nah, we did hat in the league already"

"put the article about mjinen on the first page instead?"

"great idea!"

Acapais

15-04-2007, 22:47

World Cup Qualifying – MD3

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/sativaville.png Sativaville : Acapais http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/acapais.png
0:0

Match Report:

Sativaville – MD3 of the World Cup Qulaifying campaign for Acapais against Sativaville ended in a 0-0 draw. It was indeed a very unexciting game by many standards. No scoring. No bookings. No injuries. Not even any substitutions.

Oscar Van Savage hit the near post in the first half. Trent Elvers hit the cross bar in the second half and those were the highlights of the game. Six combined shots on target and eighteen total shots combined. The goalkeeper saves were so comfortable your average joe could stop them.

Perhaps Acapais can make some magic against Kingsford next time.

Scoring:

Booking:

Acapais Starting Lineup:
1 - Matthew Dickenson (GK)
2 - Shane Murphy (C)
3 - Nick McKellar
6 - Jeremy Davis
10 - Shaurabh Nandy
4 - Craig Robicheaux
5 - Salvador Salazar
7 - Dom'onic Duke
8 - Alex McKellar
9 - Oscer Van Savage
12 - Samuel Haun

Sativaville Starting Lineup:
12- Trent Estorga- GK
2- Emil Allah- DEF
3- Lamont Oharra- DEF
4- Stan Froats- DEF
5- Jesse Non-macher- DEF
6- William Loogie- DEF
7- Jerald Goodier- MID
8- Louie Heavin- MID
9- Trent Elvers- MID
10- Emil Timmermann- FOR
11- Emmanuel Adelman- FOR

Next Match:

vs Kingsford http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/kingsford.png

-----------------------------------------------
Acapais RP Threads
Roster Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12478731&postcount=9)
Acapais PreWC Press Conference (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12491022&postcount=23)
Acapais v Sel Appa Friendly (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12492699&postcount=26)
WCQ Draw (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12535022&postcount=19)
MD2 pre-game (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12541262&postcount=56)
Bostopia - MD2 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12543949&postcount=84)
Sativaville - MD3

Zwangzug

15-04-2007, 23:06

"As the national football team has a bye, we'll be presenting some of their hopes for the finals. Charles went around and asked which of the other 85 teams they'd want to be there."

"No I didn't."

"You...didn't? What exactly did you ask?"

"I asked who they wanted to see in the finals."

"Isn't that the same thing?"

"Uh...not exactly. Not in this case."

"Let's just see the list..." Alan picked it up, somewhat gingerly. "Northern Bettia? That's a surprise. Oh, what's this here...so tha can b b10. Explains that. Moving on...Cafundéu, St Samuel, interesting choices here...Starblaydia, sentimental favorites...Jeruselem? Ah, I see what you were going on about...who they want to see. Someone took that a bit too literally?"

"Um...yes. No. Not that. Um..."

Alan narrowed his eyes as they flickered down to the last item on the list.

Charles shrugged desperately. "You know they say if you ask a simple question, you get a simple answer..."

"Yes, but Crosshill vs. ESAT?"

St Samuel

15-04-2007, 23:25

St Samuel Soccer Digest

Well it's been a fantastic month for the Latin Crusaders who have to everyone's suprise won three out of three games and found themselves top of Group 5. In this weeks edition of SSSD we look at all the stats and ratings of the St Samuel team and the teams in Group 5.

Player of the moment: Sensational Sensini

The young central midfielder has been a formidable player maker and his prescence on the field has been without doubt immense. With three goals in three games he is definatley attracting the attention of many international clubs.

Road to the World Cup: The Story so far

Match 1
(A) Cafendeu 3-1 Bezzi-Louaza, St John, Sensini

Match 2
(H) Fmjphoenix 3-2 Rock, Sensini 2

Match 3
(A) Ulzaxid 2-0 Bezzi-Louaza, St John

Next fixture:
Demot

Managers view on the next fixture:

"We have been in fantastic form so far, but Demot is another story. We were lucky to beat Cafundeu, they played well, but there form at home has been bad. Demot have looked formidable and we will have to play our best even to keep the scoreline respectable. If we beat Demot I will donate my whole years salary to the Church of St Samuel Childrens Orphanage!"
Louis Della Penzzi

Team Performance

Niclas Corinthian - St Samuel's goal keeper has been fantastic so far. Three fantastic games, one clean sheet. Were it not for Corinthian, St Samuel would proberly not be in the position they are in.

Tyrone Rock - Rock by name, rock by nature. The captain has been the leading figure at the back.

Paulo Monte-Pellaino - Always plays well at the back with Rock. A formidable partnership.

Frankie Le Ricco - Has been tremendous so far at right back. Defending well and getting forward down the right flank.

Roberto Zaggi - At left back Zaggi has been somewhat shaky but overall has done well so far. Conceaded a silly penalty.

Leo Sensini - Words cannot express the skill and talent of young Sensini. The crowds favourite and quite rightly so.

Aaron De Villion - Has been very strong in the centre of the park, but has had to play on the defensive with the attacking Sensini as his central midfield
partner.

Maxi Bezzi-Louaza - Has worked wonders in right midfield and has got on the score sheet twice. Has been dazzling defenders in all three matches.

Omar Batista - By Batista's standards has had a slow start to the qualifiers, we have yet to see the best of Batista.

Dexter St John - The old war horse has shown that he still has it in him and what he lacks in stamina makes up for in experience and knowledge. Scored 2 in 3 games.

Enzo Mazzerani - Has been dissapointing so far and will have to play better to keep his place in the team.

Swilatia

16-04-2007, 00:02

Gazeta Swilajska
English Version

After the win against Haraki, many Swilatian fans were thinking that the same result, or a draw, would be seen in today's match against Vilitia. However, this was not the case. They were wrong. We lost. We hit in only one goal, and they hit 6 of them in.

It was a rather terrible day for the team, although it is not bad, as it was very likely for the match to end like this anyway. It was even clear from the first few minutes of the match, as it was at just 9 minutes that Vilitia kicked the ball right past our pathetic excuse for a defense, and into our net. And it did not get better after that. We could not get a goal past them, yet At 21 minutes, they got another goal past us.

So, when do we get a goal. At 40 minutes, and, well, Vilitia, knocked in a goal before that, at 32 minutes. With the score at the end of the half being 3-1, it alreay looks as if the Swilatian team is definately going to lose the match. And once we actually go into this half, it just becomes more clear that this it how it will go, as we see Vilitia slamming us again at 47 minutes. It is just became so obvious at that time that we would lose

Finally, if was not enough, we have more Vilitian goals, at 59 minutes and 80 minutes. Yes, I think tey have 6 of them now. And we only go one goal. Not only did we lose, we got slammed, and we fall into the lower half of the group. At least tomorrow's match, against SS Oklands, shoul be an easy win, hopefully sending us up. Qualification is still not likely though, and the Swilatian team said they don't want in. Maybe this loss was intetional?

Elves Security Forces

16-04-2007, 01:11

Elven Times
No Sugar

Well it was supposed to be the first true test of how well the Marauders were meshing together and into the new formation. At home against the group's top seed, it could of been a make or break game for the squad, but it turned out to be neither, as each squad could not break through the other's backline consistantly, and the goalkeepers were up to the challange on the occasions they did, save but a single time for both. With the point, the squad retains their spot atop of the group, but is now joined and will likely have to win out the rest of the phase if they are to take that top spot. Granted, the squad should not be looking that far ahead into the future, but one must always be aware of the long terms goals and how to achieve them. Hopefully by the time the squad has to travel into the Atlantian Oceania nation, they will have had enough time together and expierence with the formation to turn a good result like last weeks draw and turn it into a great result, also known as a victory for those of you who are not inclined to put two and two together.

Justinian Constant would have to be made man of the match for the squad, as he continued his expert play from the previous match and carried it over into this one. Everytime there was a loose ball he seemed to be there or always winning headers that were highly contested. He finally was able to turn this individual effort into a spot on the score sheet when he was found by Raynor after a good passing clinic by the squad, stringing eighteen passes together before Constant hit it home from the eights at the thirty-ninth minute mark. With the assist, the Great Leader also continued on a pleasant performance and now has points in the last two games. His performance continues to be steady despite his age for an outfielder. I'm sure he is enjoying his time with his footy career, but eventually he has to go back to his duties as Great Leader, so we must not come to rely on him for future purposes. The squad looked sharp apart from a slip up where Hans Amsel was able to dribble through Florez, and send in a accurate shot from the corner that St Louis punched away, but Knech was there to head it back in past the diving veteran.

Up next is an away match in Dust, where Soler has decided to rest Martin and give his younger brother some time with the first squad. Jacob has all the skills to be a great keeper like his older brother, but for some reason his play is off and on, even in domestic play where the Capri squad won the title a few years back. Even then, he would have games where he could not be beat for the life of the oppisition, and other games where he could not make a save to save his life. Given that, perhaps the assurances from his teammates and brother will be enough to steady this young lad's hand and help him come into his full potential. Let tommorow be the start of that journey, as the squad will look to solidify their supierority over most of the group.

Elves Security Forces 1
Justinian Constant (38)

Geisenfried 1
Knech (57)

Article by Luna Santapa

Atheistic Right

16-04-2007, 03:38

*snip*

"What's he doing here?" commented someone looking at security cameras in the convention centre.

"Who are you talking about now?" asked her surpervisor.

"Joseph Trian, known as Train in CS circles. He's a known contact of Peter Hobble. Bazalonian religious nut and Assistant national football coach."

"Oh, Well, keep an eye on him. Just watch him he may be upto something. I don't want him to sniff out what is happening here."

"He may be here just for the tournament I mean he is currently heading towards the Counter Strike area."

"This is too much of a co-incidence, I bet he's here to look into that apathy thing that Peter had gone on about in public."

After a while when Joseph is looking around..

"He's looking at the exhibits now."

"Sorry, who are we talking about?!"

"Joseph Trian."

"Ah, what's he upto, nothing much."

Suddenly on the radio a voice appeared. "This is Trainspotter, reporting, Subject has seemingly identified me. I disappeared but I was too late he saw me."

"Do you think he knows that you were watching him?"

"I'm fairly sure ma'am."

"Okay, Initiate Cat & Mouse Plan 1"

"Roger and out"
She clicked off the radio.

"I wish we didn't have to do that but we have to know, what he knows."

"I agree let me know when it's time to interrogate him."

---------

Meanwhile the Darwinists travelled to FMJPhoenix, the match was quite an interesting one.

An early goal by the Darwinists' Jaden Jackson once again shocked the home team, another dream of the 3-2 loss to St Samuels must have lingered in their minds as the game progressed, not a single successful goal attempt was made by either team for the next 75 minutes. There were a number of potential goals for both teams but no the defense managed to either shut the attacking side down or the attacking side made some errors.
This took the match to the 80th minute with Atheistic Right 1 goal up, it looked like Fmjphoenix would go down. However a late substitutuin seemed to rejuvante the home squad and in the last 12 minutes of play they managed to score 3 goals, seemingly bursting out of the blocks. and putting the result beyond hope for the Darwinists.

The Archregimancy

16-04-2007, 04:23

THE MONASTIC TIMES

MONKS FACE EELS, FLIGHTLESS BIRDS
'Victory Vindicates New Ass-Chasing Training Regime' Says Coach

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

The Archregimancy's national squad of football-playing Orthodox monks faced their toughest assignment of the qualifying campaign overnight - group second seeds Turori away - and returned to the Dreamed Realm with a fine 3-1 victory thanks to a Trinity of goals from Fr. Innocent of Ariddia. Astonishingly, this marks the second match in a row where all of the Archregimancy's goals have been scored by a single player, though Fr. Innocent was quick to credit the ever-improving central midfield duo of Fr. Barsanuphius and Fr. John for their contribution to the victory. In one of the stranger sights observed by the footballing monks in this or any other campaign, Turori's late consolation was apparently scored by a large, flightless bird referred to by locals as a 'cocoabo'.

Team coach Fr. David the Water Drinker was quick to claim that the impressive victory vindicated his controversial ass-chasing training programme. "The thing about the World Cup" said the coach "is that God in his infinite and unknowable wisdom has seen fit to place many obstacles in the path of the God-fearing monk's path to footballing success.... atheists, Catholics, freemasons, sinners thieving socialist gnomes, genderqueer, robots, those weird Ulzaxid thingies, and, yes, large flightless birds. We have to be prepared for anything, and I for one find that chasing a donkey around a paddock offers a sound basis for facing the unexpected. So far, the Lord has blessed our preparation with success, and I for one hope this continues."

Fr. David was quick, however, to distance himself from comments made on popular Monastic TV show 'World Cup Tonight' by central midfielder Fr. Barsanuphius comparing Archregimancy training techniques to those of Wentland, noting that when the Wentland team claim to enjoy 'chasing some sweet little ass', they were not necessarily referring to the pursuit of a small, well-tempered donkey.

Demot

16-04-2007, 07:09

Diary Entry 003

Life befalls the wicked it is said in the most wretched areas of my country. Those that live in the few underdeveloped portions of the country, where civilization of any shape or form, has yet to develop. In part of the country where not even the Druids tried spread their following, it is those pockets of heathens who refuse to believe in any faith and live solely off of the hunting of animals. As admirable as it may to live off the land in small family groups, it raises the question as to why some of the species are allowed to make leaps and bounds intelectually and socially when others are left to be a waste of flesh and spirit. I speak not to the heavens above, as my faith was restored and then some following the great events during and following last tournament. No, I speak more to the scientists who claim that we are moving forward in our evolution as a species, that progress is ever present. Yet when I look at the numbers, I do not see progress in the least bit of the word. More children now are being diagnosed with mental and learning disorders than ever before, more people are dieing of cancer than ever before, and nearly 90% of all people over the age of ten are clincally addicted to some drug, be it something as simple as caffeine, to the hazards of exctacy and cocaine. These sort of things make me wonder alot about our times, because if this is deemed progress, by then what means would we have to fall to be regressing?

Not to seem all too pessimistic on you, I'll turn to a happier note, that of the Dynamo's performances in the qualfying for World Cup thirty four. Things have been progressing quite nicely for the squad, as we pulled together quite a dominating performance, though the scoreline might tell you otherwize, against a highly touted Cafundeu squad in Cafundeu. I was able to get two goals added on to my career total, despite having the wind knocked out of me pretty good Priotto in the sixtith minute, but was able to come back onto finish the match after Unitus took the forthcoming penalty and notched our fourth goal of the match, the second for the booming forward. To make the match that much more sweet, I was named MoTM, and recieved the game ball. As a gesture of good will, I signed the ball before giving it and my jersey to a fan in a wheelchair before heading into the locker room. I fear the train of success might be coming to a halt soon, as we have to travel to the surprisingly dangerous St Samuel. These newcomers have defied the odds are on top of the group at this stage following an impressive win over Ulaxzid. Though we have proven our place is strong as rightly deserved, these St Samuel boys are playing in great form and with nothing to lose, which they honestly have. It will be a trial of spirit and talent once more as they are ever the danger and we can not take them light lest we suffer the same fate as Fmjphoenix and Cafundeu. Be that a lesson to all of you who read this blog, the minnow may be small, but his quickness and detirmination to survive can lead to him escape.

~ David Masteron

Turori

16-04-2007, 09:42

http://www.3wideracing.com/3wide/sites/ao/turori/images/logo.gif

This Ture is Worth More than That Ture?

Fans of The Archregimancy were in for quite the surprise as they arrived at the airport in Almintora, Turori after watching their National Team provide the Turori Eels with their first defeat of the World Cup 34 Qualifying Campaign. The match itself was less eventful than even the scoreline could indicate, with The Archregimancy storming to an early 3-0 lead on the heels of Fr. Innocent of Ariddia. The fans had already started exiting the stadium when Cocoabo #21, making a rare appearance as a substitute, managed to sneak in behind the Archregimancy defense and pull a goal back, but it was far too little and far too late for Turori who dropped three crucial points in the standings.

As the fans of the Monks arrived at the Airport however, many were in for quite the surprise. Having no match the week before, many supporters took the cheaper flight into Vilita and spent a few days in the Tropics before making the short hop over to the bigger of the two islands that is Turori. Arriving in Vilita, everyone quickly exchanged their tithes for Tures, the same currency which is also used in Turori, the Ture. The monastic visitors received, on arrival, 1 Ture for every 11 Tithes they presented to the clerk at the exchange booth. Everyone knows that exchange rates tend to vary from day to day, and it would not have been a thought on anyones mind... until they were ready to leave.

Having spent their Tures freely in Vilita all week, only arriving in Turori the day of the match, most visiting supporters simply wrote off the higher prices at the Almintora National Stadium as simple price-gouging by the hosts. They were in it for the enjoyment however, and their team was winning, so there was no love lost. That is, until they tried to get their Tithes back. Unknowingly, the monastic supporters had set themselves wrong footed in a financial misnomer. Despite being the same basic currency, the Ture itself is actually worth less in Turori than it is in Vilita, which is the true cause for the apparently higher prices in the Island Emirate. This is hardly a problem for citizens of the two nations who are familiar with the process of the proper conversion of funds when traveling between the Islands. The monastic supporters were left as sitting ducks when they only received 6 tithes back for every Ture they handed the clerks at the Turorian airport! Nearly half the value that they had paid for them in Vilita, leaving those that had withdrawn more than they could spend at much more of a financial loss than they would have planned for. Of course, there were more than a few outbursts, but being in a sealed box of a desk, only the monks looked silly circling the exchange booth with arms up in rage, and eventually they accepted their 6 tithes and got on their respective planes on their way back home.

Turori Eels 1 - 3 The Archregimancy

It was a dissapointing return home for the Eels, perhaps suffering from overconfidence due to the previous result. Turori was sitting atop the table after their impressive 6-0 victory over new comers Mekhule, who's name is strikingly similar to that of one of the worst World Cup nations of all time who's name, for some reason, escapes us at this time. Its certainly something similar to Mekhule, however, and they will certainly be looking to avoid more results like the defeat they suffered at the hands of the Eels to avoid being forever associated in the same light. While it was a bad day for Mekhule on matchday two, it was a great one for Zemloi Amafaira who netted four goals, and will be looking to get back into goalscoring form as Turori travels to the Unified Capitalist States to face the team who has already done their part in taking down Northern Bettia on matchday 1.

http://www.3wideracing.com/3wide/sites/ao/turori/images/turbot.gif

Vilita

16-04-2007, 09:59

ViLSpAcE

jcat886's Vilspace :: Homepage

I'd Like to Sell a Vowel, Please
Today, 4:57 AM

Well, actually, I'd prefer to not have to sell a vowel, but it seems I'm going to be forced to. You see, apparently this vowel has been bought for me, and you, and all Vilitan... or should I say Vilitians, by the like of the Gazeta Swilajska; Swilatia.

Yes, thats right folks. The National Team of Vilitia squared up against Swilatia and hit six goals past the helpless little nation. Its just too bad Vilitia doesnt exist. That, I suppose, doesnt say much for Swilatia, losing by five goals to a nation that doesn't even exist, but we won't dive into that here.

We will dive into that vowel though, see, while they had no trouble adding an extra 'i' into Vilita to create the fictional nation of Vilitia, they seemed to take the opposite approach later in their column when discussing the upcoming match their nation has with SS Oaklands, stealing away the first 'a' resulting in a printed version of 'SS Oklands'. Whats a vowel here and there though? Apparently it's not much if you come from Swilatia.

At least we're doing things right over here. The team is off to their best start in years with convincing victories in the first three games of qualification over Swilatia, Netherwallop and Haraki putting our very own Vilita Jungle Cats on top of the theoretical overall table. Thats right, if all nations were put into one big table right now, the very first one on the list would be Vilita. Not Vilitia, of course.

VilSpace URL:
http://www.vilspace.vil/jcat886

©VilSpace.vil All Rights Reserved.

Ariddia

16-04-2007, 10:31

Yup, this is an RP cut-off for MD4. Results are here (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12549264&postcount=4).

Schiavonia

16-04-2007, 14:13

"Welcome once again to World Cup Sloths on SchiaSport TV. I'm Dana Lee..."

"...and I'm Filipo Schiavone."

"And we're here to look back on yet another Schiavonia win."

"Win? But I thought we got battered?"

"Battered?"

"Yes, look. J-Man2k 70-7 Schiavonia."

"The nation ends in a seven, Fil. Schiavonia won 7-0."

"Ah. Sorry."

"Well, we'd run you through the goals, but we scored so many that our show would over-run. So we'll run them over the title credits at the end."

"Good idea that, Dana."

"Anyway, interview time, now. I went down to the Schiavonia training camp to speak to a couple of the players."

"Who'd you speak to?"

"Well, a couple of players, but first of all, the Team Manager Tony Tarmey."

- - - - -

Tony Tarmey

"Tony, well done on keeping Schiavonia's long unbeaten run in qualifying going."

"Thanks."

"You've got to be happy with things so far."

"On the whole, yes. The game in Bazalonia, especially, overcoming another of the top teams so convincingly on their own turf was a fantastic achievement. And then to follow it up like they did, completely obliterating J-Man, well, that's how teams qualify. And there aren't many better than us at qualifying right now."

"That's thirty games without defeat, now. Is the aim to go on another unbeaten qualifying run?"

"Well, it would be nice, but our main priority has got to be just to make it to the finals. Plus we have to find ways to up our game when we need to. Our main problem over recent cups seems to be that we play at a consistently high level, but never seem to peak when it counts."

"So you can see weaknesses in the team, too?"

"Of course."

"Any others?"

"Well, I think the game against SLANI showed how our squad players probably aren't as good as they could be, but then many of them are young. They're more likely to star in the next decade or so, though, so it wasn't a completely wasted exercise."

"BBQ and Fort Europe are up next. Surely you must be looking for another six points from those two games?"

"Of course we are. We look to win every game we play, whether it's J-Man or Jeruselem. As you know, we've got our style of play, and not many out there can deal with it at the moment."

"Tony, thanks."

- - - - -

Isla Blige

"Isla, so good to see you doing well at the moment."

"Thanks."

"You've got a big fan base here in Schiavonia, and an ever growing one worldwide. How do you cope with such fame?"

"I wouldn't call it fame, more popularity. And it's fun. Especially when I get to go over to Jeruselem and meet up with Dazza."

"You and Dazza Dallas seem to be getting on really well at the moment."

"Well we have to. I make money for her and she helps me make more, too. It's good for both of us."

"Any other friends you've made over there."

"Yeah. Monique Alexander, I get on really well with her. And I mean, REALLY well!"

"You're not releasing a video with her, are you?"

"No, but... now you mention it..."

"Anyway, does all the attention not put more pressure on you to perform?"

"Of course not. It means that even if I'm useless, which I'm not, people are still gonna come and watch. How cool is that?"

"Yes, quite. Isla, thanks."

- - - - -

David Jones

"David, you're very much the new boy in the Schiavonia team, what's it been like so far?"

"It's been crazy. I mean, going to that SLANI place was quite something. The stadium there was like nothing I've ever seen before. How can everyone see the pitch? Amazing."

"And what about the team?"

"Aw, WOW! It's an honour to be playing in a team that are just as effective as this one. It's almost like watching Manchester United."

"Who?"

"Man Un... oh, never mind. Just a local boys team from when I was young."

"And you seem to be making that left-back slot your own now."

"Well, I'd say I'm doing alright. It's a lot more of an attacking position than I'm used to, but that's fine by me."

"Anything else to say."

"Just thanks to all the fans for letting me settle in so easily."

"Well, we are Schiavone. What were you expecting?"

"Actually... yeah..."

"Thank you, David."

- - - - -

"Well, some nice interviews there, Dana."

"Thanks, Fil."

"Can't wait for young Isla's video."

"Shut up, Fil."

"Sorry."

"Anyway, just a quick note before we go about the International Sub-Standard Ink Charity set up in the UCS after Schiavonia's game against Capitalizt SLANI. The campaign was set up after the Schiavone Scribe ran out of the correct coloured ink. With us is Winston marks from the Scribe, Winston hello."

"Hello, Dana."

"Now, I hear that you have been using the same ink on your publication since Schiavonia first played international football at World Cup 26."

"That's correct."

"So what exactly is the problem now?"

"Well, I wouldn't say it was a problem, more that we only have a limited range of colours at the Scribe's printing press."

"Ah. But surely you should be able to tell black and navy blue apart?"

"Of course. But our reporter at the game was wearing a pair of those Bettian Azurelens glasses that he'd picked up on the cheap at a market stall in Sokojito. Obviously, they were a knock off pair, and they completely screwed up his vision."

"So your inks are OK then?"

"Yes, they're OK. They're the best that we can produce locally. They're probably not the best in the world. We can't even get the correct shades of orange and red for our own scores, for pity's sake."

"So why don't you import inks?"

"They cost too much. Plus wouldn't it just be so un-Schiavone of us to lay of the workers?"

"But... that's how market capitalism works, right?"

"I... er..."

"Winston, thanks. That's all from us for now, we'll see you about next time. From Fil and myself, goodnight!"

[NS:]The HURD

16-04-2007, 14:29

From Faure's Blog:

Friends, HURDists, fans of the national team, little teal creatures from Alpha centauri, Tuxes, GNUs, nearly subsentient Nassi-Sheiderman-robots, Mozillas,

What can I say about the match? Of course we were 'IDS' after the match against these Penguins... We had nearly no spare 'bots, one server was fubarred and had to be euthanized, and we all were quarantined for suspicion of rabies before being allowed back into the HURD. Again sorry for not committing the patches you sent us.

Sel Appa was a tough opponent due to that. Fortunately Lynx was in top form and held everything thrown at her. Number #7 was really playing erratically and did not even realize that we wanted to substitute her out. Fortunately, Zuse reacted by sending her direct commands during the match. Number 5 had a good day however. He led some nice attacks, but could not finish them. Well, the score reamined 0:0 during the entire game...

Jeruselem

16-04-2007, 14:35

<Dazza with tall good looking guy in front of the Jeruselem team after cruising with a THREE NIL over Oglethorpia>

Dazza:
"Listen up team! Our regular physio got himself into a car accident, so he's not here. We all know we need a good physio so I called up Sven from Debbie's to help us out until our regular physio is back. I think you can't complain about how he look girls, and neither will Big Gay Al. He's pretty good if I say so myself. He's been doing this for 20 years so he knows his stuff. He's worked for many football clubs and he's people person too. If you have troubles, he's the man to help. So everyone, say hello to Sven here. You want to say something to the team, Sven?"

Sven:
"It's a privilege to work with Jeruselem football team. So many fine young men and particularly women here. If you have any old injuries you want to heal quickly, I'm your man. If something troubles you, don't hestitate to ask if I can help. I want everyone here to be prime condition. I also do Chinese medicine for those who want special treatments. I'm glad to be part of the team."

Dazza:
"Make this man welcome, boys and girls, men and women, you know what I mean"

<Women crowd around Sven>

Brother Haven: He looks like he's going to be real popular, Dazza.
Dazza: Now, why would you say that Brother Haven?
Brother Haven: Look at those women, trying to get attention.
Dazza: Don't worry, he looks good and does a damn good job. I have to get him fix these knees of mine too.

Rocky: I'm sure the women of team have some injury of some kind to fix, real or not by the looks of it.
Dazza: Don't worry, he's not gay Rocky.
Rocky: How do you know that?
Dazza: A woman like Dazza knows.

<Dazza clutches left knee>

Brother Haven: What's wrong?
Dazza: Not again, my left knee playing up again.
Rocky: You'd better sit down then.

<Dazza sits down>

Sven: Your knees again coach? Can I help?
Dazza: It's OK normally, but carrying a baby around - it hurts sometimes. I hate my knees. I want better knees!
Sven: Put your legs up, I'll see if I can relieve the pain.

<Sven massages Dazza's left and right leg>

Dazza: That feels a lot better!
Sven: You should rest now, avoid standing too long.
Dazza: Good job.
Sven: It's my job. And girls, no faking injuries alright? That includes Big Gay Al too.

Brother Haven: Hey Rocky, what you oogling about?
Rocky: I wish I could do that!
Brother Haven: I know you want to touch Dazza, isn't marrying Rashina Dallas enough?
Rocky: Well, I still have a thing for Dazza Brother Haven despite that.

Brother Haven: You must resist, you are married now.
Rocky: I know, but she's just a divine being to me.
Brother Haven: Look you married her niece, that's close enough to what you want. Be happy.
Rocky: I'm going become physio when I retire now.

Ariddia

16-04-2007, 14:38

http://img174.imageshack.us/img174/5728/pinaariaz1.jpg

http://img178.imageshack.us/img178/5241/fieldmantagdz2.jpg

ESAT to make World Cup final ?

Bizarre results seem so common in sport that they barely even surprise us any more. Thus Commerce Heights’ recent 1-2 defeat to the United Island Empires was surprising, but by no means astonishing. Far more interesting – if it were seriously being considered – would be a World Cup final between Crosshill and ESAT, an outcome reportedly voiced ( http://forums3.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12547945&postcount=119) by some in Zwangzug as their “sentimental favourite”.

Of course, we would all be glad too see Crosshill back in top form, but I would think many in ESAT[Lurl] will be surprised to find that anyone outside Ariddia has ever heard of the Extraterritorial Sovereign Ariddian Territory.

Or of the fact that it has its own [url= http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/ESAT_national_football_team]national football team (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/ESAT).

ESAT’s most memorable match depends on whom you’re asking. In ESAT itself, they tell you it’s their heroic 1-26 defeat against San Adriano, with that one goal having become the stuff of legend. Elsewhere, some may recall the microstate’s 0-48 thrashing during its encounter with neighbouring Ariddia.

ESAT is a building (located at 39, avenue Annabelle Laurier ( http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Annabelle_Laurier), ), the sole purpose of which is to represent Ariddia in the United Nations while enabling the PDSRA to evade theoretically mandatory compliance to UN resolutions. But, as an officially sovereign country, ESAT (which has about 50 citizens, all of them Ariddians) has its own very serious [url= http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/ESAT_National_Olympic_Committee]National Olympic Committee (]Rêvane[/url) (membership: 1), and of course its national football team. Several of the team’s players are, however, over 50 years old, and will sometimes give up part way through a match, sit down on the field, or just wander around, too tired to continue running after the ball. With exclusively amateur players, of all ages and drawn from a tiny population, ESAT’s national football team truly is unique.

I spoke to Desmond White, team captain and head of the Esati Football Association.

“I’m touched,” Comrade White told me. “And we all smiled when we heard about us being in the final. Of course, we’ve never taken part in the World Cup. We’re all too busy with our other jobs to take that much time off work and go and compete.”

Mr. White added that ESAT is “very pleased” about the World Cup coming back to Ariddia.

“And if anyone does want to play a friendly match against us, I’m sure it can be organised. Not necessarily a national team. We also play amateurs, anyobody who likes football. . . or small village clubs, for example.”

It wouldn’t be a World Cup final against Crosshill, but it has been a long while since the “Black'n'Red Wasps” (the official nickname of the Esati players) have taken to a football field. . .

Tynelia

16-04-2007, 15:30

Gina Gibbons: Welcome once again to Coach Chat on the Tynelian News network. I’m your hostess Gina Gibbons and I’d like to welcome back our soccer coaches from last show. Coaches Adam Billington, Jim Tudor and Marcus O’Meara welcome back.

Billington and Tudor: Hello Gina.

O’Meara: What? My back? Oh its fine thanks for asking.

Gibbons: Today was a bit of a shocker. A 1-0 shutout loss to Rorysville on the road going into the bye. On the other hand that paled before the UIE 2-1 shocking win over CH. Your thoughts Coaches?

Billington: Well the letdown we were afraid of happened again. For the second time now we got a big result against a top ten team and a top seed and then stumbled the next match.

Tudor: At least this is a good time for it, with the by next matchday it will give Coach Masterson a chance to rally the troops before going home and facing East Lithuania. Though with such a short qualifying round any loss is magnified that much more.

O’Meara: <loudly> What Rorysville beat us!?! That’s it on the bench Billington I can’t believe you let us lose.

Billington: Um Coach I’m not on the team anymore.

O’Meara <loudly> Oh a quitter are you!?! You’re soft Billington, that’s why I never let you start!

Gibbons: Alright then. Moving on, how big a factor is today’s loss?

Tudor: Well with CH losing we still are on top of the group, but now three teams are bunched behind us only a point back. We’re certain to lose our lead by the time we play again.

Billington: At least we’ll still only be a win behind at the worst. I don’t think West Pasco will be able to keep up their early successes. Rorysville is a wild card, you never know which team will show up sometimes. Today we got the good squad against us. Them and Yafor 2 will be the ones we have to keep a close look on these next few matches.

O’Meara: <loudly> Back in my day we never had to worry so much about what the other teams did. We went out and played our matches and dared the other teams to keep up. None of this mamsy-pansy ‘oh no look at all these other teams!’ We had focus I tell you! Kids these days…

Gibbons: So having been in this situation yourselves, how do you regroup the team after a loss like this?

Billington: Well I just told the team to keep playing hard and good things will come of it. Granted we never got the big break from the high seed to get through but this is a veteran team now. They shouldn’t be rattled by one loss.

Tudor: I agree Adam, I just told them to keep a stiff upper lip, play to your potential and the wins will come. Of course, we still had problems offensively that seem to be lacking. Oh what I could have done with even 20 goals when I was the coach.

O’Meara: <loudly> Losing? We had our share of that in my day. 1-0 every time, sometimes 2-0, I made them take extra scoring practice with a scarecrow in the net. Wouldn’t you know the scarecrow only gave up 2 goals! Just that Masterson kid. You know he’d be a great coach one day!

Tudor: Marcus ol’boy, Masterson is the coach these days.

O’Meara: Old? I’m 79 years old you Brit! And what’s this about Masterson being the Coach? No wonder we didn’t score, get that boy onto the pitch!

Gibbons: Well I see we’re out of time for this segment. A quick final thought from you all. Tynelia East Lithuania care to predict a score?

Billington: Tynelia 2-0. The team should bounce back against a team they beat a few times before.

Tudor: Tynelia 3-1: Masterson will try to turn up the offense off the bye.

O’Meara: <loudly> 0-0 A draw just like in my day!

Gibbons: OK that's all the time we have here on Coach Chat. I'd like to thank Coaches Billington, Tudor and O'Meara for joining me here today. Nice to see you all again.

Billington: Anytime Gina.

Tudor: A pleasure dear lady.

O'Meara <loudly> What?

<camera cuts off>

Errinundera

16-04-2007, 15:33

News item from the Bola Mine (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Main_Page) Times.

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/BolaMineTimes.png

FOOBORLA NOO: FOO NJIRRILUNGIRRAMA GOLA A BOLA WIRRINUPOOLA OO
(Football News: First International Goal to a Bola Mine Player)

Young local star, isshare, kicked her first goal in international football as Errinundera returned to form with a 1-4 defeat of long-time rivals Haraki. It was also the first goal ever by a Bola Mine player in World Cup matches. The trademark Potoroo running game was seen for the first time this campaign as the attack, led by the experienced carltu tore the Harakis to shreds.

When we approached the rising star for a comment she modestly claimed that the result was really due to her team mates. “Our midfield played superbly today. nykeo was just sensational. The way she ran, baulked and placed the kick left their goalie off balance and put me in a perfect position to score. This really should be counted as her goal. Besides, I only made it into the side because our captain, rosaniel, still hasn’t recovered from concussion.”

carltu scored twice and another rookie, immelfar kicked his first goal following another exocet pass from nykeo. With a dreaded bye in the next round, it is likely that rosaniel will be fit for the game against Swilatia. Either isshare or immelfar will have to make way for the angelic genderqueer. isshare is philosophical. “It has been a privilege to play one game and I have been fortunate indeed to score a goal. What more could you ask for?”

Wentland

16-04-2007, 15:44

The women's team had obtained tickets to support the Swifts, much to Norman Hacker's annoyance, as he was uncertain whether any nocturnal activities would affect performance. On the pitch, that is.

Hacker's fears appeared to be justified. A scoreless first half as a jaded Wentland staggered through a forty-five minutes of shotless football.

Hacker tore into the team for the second half, whereas the team blamed jetlag and the second half started with Wentland sitting back again.

***

"Katie, this is bloody rubbish..."

"Don't blame me, I never wanted to come. Stupid apathetic country. "

"Yeah, if we keep sitting back we'll see no action. "

"You can say that again. We need to get them up here somehow..."

"Yeah, something to attract their attention..."

An evil look came across Katie Barnfield's face. "Hang on a second..."

***

"Jeez, Raymondo, find your man..."

"It's too bloody hot...we only need one, this lot can't score..."

"We need to press up...hang on, what's that at the other end?"

"It's the girls...why are they squealing?"

"Seems to me they're being hosed..."

"Ooh, in those tight tee shirts?"

Suddenly the Wentland team charged up as a whole and the spooked Netherwallopians conceded a corner. Joe Weston took his time preparing to allow the team to observe Katie Barnfield using a firehose on the Wentland women and when Keith Bassett headed home he delightedly jumped into the Wentland following to celebrate.

It took three minutes to extricate the centre-half from Annie Anderson and Ellie Beavan and within thirty seconds Wentland made it two with a long ball, mass charge and a Weston thunderbolt.

At the whistle it was four and Hacker was pleased. "Glad to see my half-time talk did you some good..."

[NS:]The HURD

16-04-2007, 15:54

From Faure's blog:

I seeked some contact to sel appans and realized that there were some points, which are always asked about our nation. Not only by Sel Appans but also by other foreigners. I want to clarify these issues:

Is the HURD an anarchy? No, the HURD has a legal codex: the HURDopedia. Yes, it is freely editable but if you break a law which existed during the time you committed it, you can be put on trial.

Why has the HURD no money?
Because it is a post-scarcity economy. Money is a sign of poverty and we are not poor.

Are HURDists communists?
Some surely are...

Is the HURD as nation communistic?
No, while it is rather similar to a communist utopia, it is based on technocratic ideas.

What is the favorite dish of HURDists?
Ramen!

What does the name The Veriosn 0.3 of The HURD mean?
Oh, we use it just to confuse the errinunderans. *smiles as if she is up to something* Nah, just joking. You want the truth? we think our state is still beta.

Do HURDists speak English among themselves?
They speak HURDist English which has some special forms and unusual vocabulary. Or in HURDist English: They speak English of HURD, which is a patch to standard English including some unusual variations formije and vocabularije.

St Samuel

16-04-2007, 16:22

St Samuel (0) 2
De Villion 84
Mazzerani 63
Demot (2)3
Unitus 3
Masteron 44, 89

St Samuel were dealt a heavy blow today after Demot beat them 3-2. Since the Latin Crusaders found themselves very much suprisingly top of the group after three games and three wins, they went into the match with Demot, with high hopes.

The game started poorly for St Samuel and Demot were not about to give the Latin Crusaders a chance. With just 3 minutes gone a lack of communication in the St Samuel defence saw Ben speed through the defence and then square the ball to Unitus who passed the ball into the net easily, with Corinthian stranded. It looked all to easy.

The St Samuel fans stirred there team on and even at 1-0 down the carnival atmosphere were terrific. St Samuel came close to getting an equalizer after 15 minutes when Mazzerani hit the cross bar. But it was Demot who were clearly the stronger of the two sides in the first half.

As half time approached Demot won a free kick on the edge of the St Samuel penalty area and a powerful strike from Masteron over the wall and into the top left hand corner saw a crushing blow right before half time to make it 2-0.

When St Samuel kicked off the second half, it looked like a new team. St Samuel began to play fast flowing football. Sensini and St John both came close to scoring but great goal keeping denied them the goals.

It was Mazzerani who finally got the goal for St Samuel and his first goal of the qualifiers so far. An inswinging cross from Batista was smashed in from close range and the score 2-1 after 63 minutes.

St Samuel tried there hardest to find a second but it just did not appear to be there day. An open goal miss on the 74th minute by Mazzerani just seem to sum up St Samuel's match.

But on the 84th minute the ball fell to Aaron De Villion just outside the box, which he struck with power and Alexander Orien was helpless to stop it going into the goal. 2-2 and the equalizing goal.

Straight from the kick off Demot were straight back into the game and pressing for the winner. The St Samuel defenders stood well and nearly the whole side were back defending.

An ugly moment in the 88th minute nearly saw some red cards handed out when De Villion and Unitus nearly came to blows. Both players were held back by team mates, and both players shown yellow cards. Seconds later a high ball over the top saw Masteron through on goal and a sublime chip over Corinthian and bounced into the goal. Demot 3, St Samuel 2.

For the remaining couple of minutes Demot played it safe and knocked the ball about the park. At the final whistle the St Samuel fans appluaded both sides for what was an extremely exciting game. St Samuel manager, Della Pennzi was visibily gutted and when questioned said "The better side won at the end of the day."

Assegai Developments

16-04-2007, 19:30

“Greetings from Capri, Elves Security Forces; this is Mikaela Eyre reporting the latest on the Assegai Developments National Football Team as they continue in their bid to qualify for the NationStates World Cup XXXIV.

“Today, we find ourselves at the Severus Snape Training Facility, located on Assegai forward Severus Snape’s mansion, here in Capri. Some of you unfamiliar with the Assegai team may not be aware that Snape plays his club football for F.C. Capri of the Elves Security Forces Premier League, and he owns a mansion, and pizza parlor and bowling lanes, which are very popular among the denizens.

“Whenever the Riskbreakers have to prepare for a game away from Assegai, they usually train here before heading off to their destination. Since Assegai was off this week, however, they spent some time relaxing and looking for ways to ensure more performances and results like their last one, a 3-0 victory over No. 71 Kericia.

“On tap this week for the Riskbreakers is a visit to Alexandrian Ptolemais, ranked No. 119 in NationStates. Having accomplished their good share of huge upsets as a lower-ranked team in previous years, the Riskbreakers are well aware that they could be the victim of such a fate if they don’t take every opponent seriously—no matter what the rank.

“With us today, to speak on the upcoming match, is Assegai Manager Sir Knight Edgard Zúniga.”

Mikaela turns and faces Zúniga, who nods and smiles.

“Well, hello Mikaela, and hello to all our supporters across Assegai and the YoungWorld region,” he says. “As you said, in our next match we face Alexandrian Ptolemais, whom we really know nothing about. We received no media kits, reports or video on this team. Fortunately, I sent a couple members of our team staff to monitor their performances during the qualifiers and I have prepared my team accordingly.

“That said, here is the roster I will submit for this encounter,” he adds.

Goaltender
#42 Akihiko Yoshida – (Rinaldi Gunners, Elves Security Forces)

Defenders
#4 Francis Rowe – (Sutina Saints, Fort Europe)
#8 Romeo Guildenstern – (Ascama United, Fort Europe)
#22 Jan Rosencrantz - (Ascama United, Fort Europe)
#25 Stephen Maison – (Assegai Developments F.C.)

Midfielders
#31 Alys Spicer – (Matata Wanderers, Fort Europe)
#10 Ashley Riot (C) – (Assegai Developments F.C.)
#69 Fleur Delacour (Assegai Developments F.C.)

Forwards
#5 Severus Snape – (F.C. Capri, Elves Security Forces)
#33 Viktor Krum – (Assegai Developments F.C.)
#20 Samantha Neesa – (Char Sara Inferno, Elves Security Forces)

Reserves
GK #3 Callo Merlose – (Char Sara Inferno, Elves Security Forces)
GK #1 Winnefred Save – (Cathedral Spooks D.C.)
DEF #76 John Hardin – (D.S. Assegai)
DEF #70 Barnard Mallowburne – (S.C. Vagrant Hills)

DEF #7 John Müllenkamp – (Cathedral Phantoms F.C.)
DEF #2 A.J. Durai – (A.C. Leá Monde)
DEF #32 Anne Saye – (Fort Lakaria City, Fort Europe)
MID #56 Joshua Bardorba – (S.C. Vagrant Hills)
MID #13 Duke Bardorba – (S.C. Vagrant Hills)
MID #32 Agatha Denys – (A.C. Leá Monde)
MID #45 Duane Grissom – (Kibuye F.C., The Interahamwe)
FWD #8 Ursula Goode – (Cathedral Phantoms F.C.)
FWD #11 Sidney Losstarot – (Mar Sara Flames, Elves Security Forces)
FWD #9 Dominic Saint-Émilion – (Rinaldi Gunners, Elves Security Forces)
FWD #18 Stephen de Cobham – (Assegai Developments F.C.)

“Akihiko had a great game against Kericia and, with Guildenstern and Rosencrantz helping him, we were able to earn that shutout,” he says. “I have all the faith in my players and I think we can come away with a good result on the eve of the huge match with The Lowland Clans.”

Mikaela nods.

“Well Sir Knight, it has been an honor as always,” she says bowing slightly.

“Oh, Mikaela, the honor is always mine,” he responds smiling.

“From the Severus Snape Training Facility in Capri, Elves Security Forces, this is Mikaela Eyre signing off!”

Upcoming Match

(117) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/alexandrian_ptolemais.png Alexandrian Ptolemais

VS
(34) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/assegai_developments.png Assegai Developments

Acapais

16-04-2007, 19:55

World Cup Qualifying – MD4

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/acapais.png Acapais : Kingsford http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/kingsford.png
1:1 (1:1)

Match Report:

Kushan Stadium, Port Maypearl, Acapais – The first home match of Acapais’s World Cup Qualifying campaign for World Cup 34 was against Kingsford and ended in a 1-1 draw on Sunday night. This is the third draw in three games for Acapais. Acapais is currently in 5th place after three matches and with three points. The leaders of group 10 Rejistania, Milchama, and Bostopia each have seven points.

After a rather slow start to the match Kingsford striker scored a header off a terrific cross from his right winger. Acapan captain Murphy equalized off another header this time from a corner kick. Defender Nick McKellar suffered an injury in the second half and was forced to be subbed. McKellar strained his hamstring and is said to be out for two weeks.

Terrible form from replacement striker Samuel Haun forced manager Keswani to make an early change. Sources say backup striker Deshawn Jones will start against Nerotika on Tuesday. The injured Ricardo Jose is reported to be declared fit by the home match against Bostopia.

Critics say that these three draws are bad news for Acapais. “Other nations have taken seven points off three games and Acapais has only taken three. If we want to qualify, we have to start winning. ‘Not losing’ is not good enough”

Scoring:
Kingsford – ??? 33
Acapais – Murphy (Salazar) 42

Booking:
Kingsford – ??? (caution; Reckless foul) 19
Acapais – Haun (caution; Reckless foul) 51

Acapais Starting Lineup:
1 - Matthew Dickenson (GK)
2 - Shane Murphy (C)
3 - Nick McKellar (13 - Robert Hernandez) 75
6 - Jeremy Davis
10 - Shaurabh Nandy
4 - Craig Robicheaux
5 - Salvador Salazar
7 - Dom'onic Duke (15 - Graham Atwater) 68
8 - Alex McKellar
9 - Oscer Van Savage
12 - Samuel Haun (17 – Deshawn Jones) 54

Next Match:

vs Nerotika http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/nerotika.png

-----------------------------------------------
Acapais RP Threads
Roster Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12478731&postcount=9)
Acapais PreWC Press Conference (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12491022&postcount=23)
Acapais v Sel Appa Friendly (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12492699&postcount=26)
WCQ Draw (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12535022&postcount=19)
MD2 pre-game (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12541262&postcount=56)
Bostopia - MD2 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12543949&postcount=84)
Sativaville - MD3 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12547865&postcount=118)
Kingsford – MD4

Turruth Gordur

16-04-2007, 19:55

From the desk of Huldah Sangria:

So far… so Robin Hood. Not Sorry and Sad. We warriors come wif mother's pearly gate destruction and defeated the bloody weak before. We shall do again. Holweg is next. 'Oo chairs and bears? We shall brin' them into the chuffin' timorlug dome and treat them ter a most respectful reception. 'A many games will we win this nickle and dime 'round? Wahn day we shall step over the Sexton Blake and sha our true nature ter be that of the dark lord of Turruth Gordur.

Upcoming Match

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/turruth_gordur.png Turruth Gordur vs Holweg http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/holweg.png

Milchama

16-04-2007, 21:48

Alexandria Times-Tribune-Star-Post-Gazette-Chronicle-Journal-Enquirer

Sports Section

The horse! The horse!

With a great glee and other stuff Milchama took a nice result in drawing top seeded Rejistania 2-2 on the road. Coach Hill said, "The Tommy Hook of death or possibly doom was quite nice to have in the morning. We all knew what would happen without it and we took it to them with a one! a two! a three!"

No we don't know what he said either.

But the big story today was the play of Milchama's horse centric lineup. Rovers Return was excellent scampering all around making the big plays and probably outplaying a suprised Rejistanian team. The Rejistanians did not seem to know how to deal with Return espiecially in the 16th minute when Return hit a long ball to Flitty who flied in for the first goal of the afternoon to give Milchama the 1-0 lead. After the game twisted and turned until Rejistanian pulled one back through the good play of Ajir Mi who leaped on a pass from Init Ly to pull the game even. The Horses continued to dominate until halftime but could not produce a second goal. The score at halftime was 1-1.

Rejistania started the second half on a buzz and it showed as they came out scampering. Rovers was beaten and poor Dalton didn't have a shot in hell as Kelit Simu scored the second goal to make it 2-1 to the Orange Blues (what an awful name). However the Horses returned with Rovers coming thru two men then passing again to a streaking Flitty who layed it back for Rovers to put in the upper corner to tie the score at 2.

Final Score:
Milchama 2 (Flitty 16, Rovers 77)
Rejistania 2 (Mi 37, Simu 51)

Milchama

16-04-2007, 22:00

"Fucking Hill."

"Yeh, let's use horses! it'll work, it's not the AOCAF people care about the World Cup."

"Yeh we should off him, he's a retard"

"That's a good idea"

"But we need to do better this time, our kidnapping of Milchama Banks went horribly wrong and the only thing we figured out was that she was Asian, nothing more"

"Well we got the experience, plus we can stay in the same country and Hill should be easier to get"

"That is very very true"

"I know"

"Ok then where are they playing?"

"In Alexandria soon"

"We need to watch the team and Hill's every move then after their SECOND match in Milchama, key word being second, we strike and get Hill"

"Sounds good"

"Hey look!"

"What?"

"A press conference"

Hill: After our awful failure in Bostopia we are reinstituting the regular lineup. Most of them look healthy plus Rovers here is looking tired.

Rovers: Yeh I am.

"What?!"

"Holy sh-t! The horse can talk"

To be continued...

Final Score:

Milchama 1 (Flitty 36)
Bostopia 2 (Cripps 45, 68)

Qazox

16-04-2007, 22:35

QSPNFootball.com Match Report

Zwangzug 3-QAZOX 2

A last minute shot that snuck by Greg Wolfen allowed Zwangzug to steal a 3-2 win. Jonathon Sarafin scored twice, but Zwangzug's Olsen score 3 times in a match that send the Black Oxen into 6th place so far inthe early stages of thee qualifing. There are still 8 games left, and the group is close, the top 6 are separated by only 3 points, so there's no worry of panic, but more games like this, and Qazox will be on the outside looking in once again.

Scoring Summary:
QAZOX: Sarafin (5,6)- 37', 68'
ZNG: Simon Ryne Olson 33', 60', 90+'

Zwangzug

16-04-2007, 23:17

Some people had minds meant for the crunching of numbers, the quiet study of whatever game became their passion, the analysis of history, the memorization of records. Some sports were better suited for it than others: the World Baseball Classic exemplified that. In Zwangzug, these people predominated, holding out that hope innate in games without clocks (and some with clocks as well). The tiniest number still had a place in the mathematical continuum, the smallest odds still a chance to come through. And if soccer could have that kind of idealism, it was not a far bigger leap of thought to believe that even isolationists could learn of others, the record-setters at least.

But some people had bodies meant for the kicking of goals, a natural talent to run, and score, and win. Their minds ignored everything except what instinct blared: Turn. Back. Now. Shoot. Beep. Some sports were better suited for it than others: the World Cup exemplified that. In Zwangzug, these people were isolated too: not because they enjoyed it, but because they were so few, so dispersed, that they had no outlet for their skill. Their boasts were silent, their exploits unrecorded.

Unsurprisingly, these people stayed very far apart.

So Simon Ryne stayed at the front end of the Zwangzug team, leaping into Qazox' half of the field time and again. Against a team from a nation that understood, he excelled. His goals came almost evenly, cyclically, but spread out by just enough erraticism to maintain reality. The first two were matched in time by Sarafin, but by the end there was no time to equalize.

First place in the group? Anything that counted started at one (or zero, if you were scoring). And Simon Ryne was double-footedly making his team count.

Bostopia

17-04-2007, 00:31

The Daily Mail

In a scintillating fixture in the Bostopia Stadium yesterday, Bostopia earned a well-fought victory over Milchama, coming from a goal behind in the 36th minute to win by two goals to one.

As the Bostopian team lined up in the players tunnel, they, along with most of the sporting world, were no doubt shocked to see a team of horses in file opposing them. However, Bostopia quickly got over this, controlling most of the first half, until a counter attack from the Milchama team had the horses leaping over the Bostopian players like they were fences in last week’s Grand National, before Flitty “donkey-kicked” the ball into the net, past the helpless Peter Jeffers.

Bostopia kept their good possession by weaving round the horses, which were too slow to counter the quick turns on their four legs, as they had apparently fitted the wrong type of shoe. In the 45th minute, Bostopia’s possession finally came good and a searing pass from Stuart Flambriff into the penalty area left Vladmiristaki-descended Aleksander Cripps able to slot the ball into the bottom left corner of the Milchamian net. The Bostopia Stadium erupted into a cascade of sound, with only the away section staying silent.

As the teams came out unchanged for the second half, the Milchamian team were obviously stunned by the noise levels made by the home crowd, with a mighty - unofficial - singing of the first two verses of the Bostopian anthem, followed by the Anthem for Bostopian football. The holding in of the crowd noise, which the Bostopia Stadium was expertly designed for, paid dividends for the home team, as the Milchamian horses were seen to bolt and become more flustered when the Bostopian crowd let out on voracious cheer after another.

The scoreline changed however in the 68th minute, as Aleksander Cripps was able to capitalise on the Milchamian defense being out of shape following a corner at the other end. A high, clearing ball from Landor found it’s way to the halfway line, where Cripps was able to control it, turn, and charge his way down the field toward the goal, and rounded the Milchamian goalkeeper. With the keeper having four legs, any attempt to get the ball of Cripps by that stage would have lead to a sure penalty, and Cripps rather cockily walked the ball into the net to gain his second goal of the game.

Bostopia had further chances to increase their lead, though Cripps was substituted in the 74th minute, with Manager Adam Collick declaring that Cripps was “on top form at the moment, so to risk an injury now with the game against Rejistania coming up would be complete madness.”

Bostopia saw the game out comfortably, riding high on their possession, while keeping time wasting to the absolute minimum. A football fan leaving the stadium said “it’s performances like these that give us that real hope for a playoff spot.” And who knows. He may just be right.

Daily Mail Comment

Once again, Bostopia has hosted an international football match, and, while the team’s performance obviously deserves centre stage, the behaviour of the fans, both home and away, and the welcoming arms and accepting nature of the Bostopian people to other cultures should receive a great deal of complementation.

While Bostopia is not a “progressive” nation in the sense that we would not change our ways to suit others, we are a “progressive” nation in the sense that we are tolerant of other’s cultures, ways of life, religions. Did you hear one Bostopian complain about Milchamians praying while in the country? No. That is not the Bostopian way.

It is these defining aspects of the Bostopian culture that will give us that good name on the world stage, while our sports sides help to enhance that image, acting graciously in victory or defeat.

For those of you reading this who are from a foreign country, welcome to Bostopia, or, more aptly for those who may be leaving, such as the Milchamian fans, we’re glad to have had you in Bostopia, thank you for showing us your ways, while respecting ours. This newspaper will always be happy to welcome you back into the country on your next visit with open arms, and the people of Bostopia will do the same.

Cafundeu

17-04-2007, 02:25

O JUTENSE NEWSPAPER – ASSOCIATED WITH GLOBO MULTIMEDIA

WORLD CUP 34 QUALIFIERS COVERAGE
Match Report written by O Jutense editor, Milene Escobar
With phrases and images from Globo Multimedia’s coverage, commented by Breno Gavião

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ONE MORE VICTORY PLAYING AWAY

http://img178.imageshack.us/img178/7176/cafmav1qk3.jpg
Heitor commemorates goal with team mates

After some difficult games, which ended with negative results, Cafundéu returned to play away, and once again triumphed in another country, this time in Magnus Valerius. With a determined and offensive players, with a good strategy, the Monopolists had no problems to get more three points, as they were clearly the best team in the game.

With this result, Cafundéu goes to the top positions of the group table, in the battle for the automatic qualification for the World Cup. St Samuel and Demot are currently the best placed teams, but we have talent to improve even more. After the return to the path of victories, the team probably got the necessary confidence to keep winning the games.

Now, Cafundéu’s National Team will rest, as won’t play in the next matchday. But the CCFM is close to arrange a friendly, so David will have a good opportunity to improve the team’s tactics. We have just received news that the Monopolists will play a friendly against Bazalonia, so the players won’t be able to enjoy Lasft’s beautiful beaches, something that was already planned from a long time. But the players know that sometimes they’ll have to make some sacrifices for the team.

THE GAME
When the game started, Cafundéu soon took control of it, passing the ball fast and doesn’t letting Magnus Valerius took the ball control. This offensive and efficient style was considered the best one of the World Cup 34 team until now. In the first minutes, the team attacked with all forces, but had a poor finish, missing some incredible chances.

After twenty minutes of the game, Magnus Valerius still didn’t have a chance to score, while Cafundéu was pressing since the start of the game, but perhaps the players were too nervous to finish well. But, in the twenty-first minute, Ijak appeared. Ray Kirs came from the right wing and crossed the ball to the area. The attacker came and hit the ball with his knee, scoring his goal and commemorating with the linesman, who stayed quiet. Read Breno Gavião’s comments:

“Another attack for the visitors. We attack, attack, but don’t score. Let’s see now. Kirs comes with the ball, rrrrreaches the end of the field, crrrrrosses. Ijak will hit it... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Look that again in the replay! Ijak, number nine! Cafundéu one, Magnus Valerius zero!”

The goal excited the Cafundelenses, who continued battling for a better result. Three minutes later, Dário dribbled the whole defense of Magnus Valerius and shot, but the ball hit the post. Four minutes later, Kliek falls inside the area. Penalty kick for the visitors. Ijak shoots and scores the second goal of the game, his fifth in the qualifiers.

It really looked a very easy game, as the hosts weren’t having a single chance against Durepox’s goal. Maybe because of that Cafundéu relaxed, and let the opponents have some chances. They seemed inefficient, but after nearly ten minutes, they scored. A winger made a good pass to a midfielder, who invaded the area alone. Cafundéu’s players asked for offside, but the referee ignored them and the midfielder could score his goal. Read Breno Gavião:

“More than thirty-five minutes of the firrrrrst half. Magnus Valerrrrrius trrrrries to rrrrreact. The player holds the ball, makes a pass. It’s offside! No, he isn’t! He will score, and it’s a goal! Goal for Magnus Valerius! Now they have one, and Cafundéu two! Let’s talk now about steel. Want stell for your prrrrrojects? Something big? La Roche steel is the number one of the market! Check it now!”

In the last minutes of the first half, Cafundéu stopped Magnus Valerius again, and tried to score the third goal. The best chance came with Anormal, who got the ball after a Dário’s shot, which was blocked by the defense. He shot from the outside of the area, but the goalkeeper made an excellent save. The first half endec 2x1, and this result wasn’t secure.

http://img444.imageshack.us/img444/4383/cafmav2ef5.jpg
Becão in an aerial battle

Cafundéu return even more offensive than it was in the first half. With the entrance of Renário in Falcus’s place, Nefasto was probably wanting to make the team’s overall finishing better. The team took some minutes to adapt to the new strategy, and to adapt to a new opponent, as Magnus Valerius passed por some changes, too.

But the visitors didn’t take much time to adapt. Soon they were deadly and dangerous again, taking the control and making what they wanted with the ball. But unfortunately the first attacks took some time to happen. The first one of them was with Heitor, who received the ball from Ijak inside the area and shoot with strength. The ball only went wide.

Satisfied with the good performance ot the team, David Nefasto abandoned the ultra-offensive strategy, putting the defensive midfielder Barbosa in the game. The game was concentrated in the midfield, and Cafundéu’s midfielders could start some good attacks. In one of them, Kliek received the ball from the fast Léo Mattos and passed to Heitor who was inside the area. The attacker dribbled a defender and shot to score the goal. Read Breno Gavião:

“Look at the young Léo Mattos! He is fast, run like a Formula One, passes the ball to Kliek. He sees Heitor in a good position, great pass. The strrrrriker goes to the drrrrribble, and he does it. Good drrrrribble, the shot... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! This one deserves a replay! Heitor, number eleven! Cafundéu three, Magnus Valerius one!”

The situation, which was already pretty easy, turned even better for Cafundéu after the third goal. The opponent was already beaten, and the team won even more confidence to score another goal. Once again, Léo Mattos ran from the right side and crossed to the area. Renário, a short player, headed the ball and scored the last goal of the game. Read Breno Gavião:

“Léo Mattos again, this guy has a good future. Crrrrrosses the ball to the area, nobody hits it, it comes to Rrrrrenário... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Rrrrrrrrrrenário, number twenty-one! Cafundéu four, Magnus Valerius one! Buy today the new CD of the pagode group Mulecada Véia. The best music at your hands! A Som Carcerário production!”

The game continued with the same pace, even after all the goals scored. Cafundéu attacked, but didn’t have any good chances, stopping in the midfield or making poor attempts to the goal. Magnus Valerius was completely lost in the game, and just waited for the end of the game to leave the field. When it ended, the Monopolists could commemorate.

AFTER THE GAME
Happy with the good result, the coach David Nefasto was surrounded by reporters and journalists after the final whistle, and said to the press: “I said that I was confident in the team. Our team faced difficult games, and at home, so it’s campaign isn’t too bad. For me we’re going well”. The defender Sávio Ferrari said: “I don’t know why the supporters criticized us. We lost difficult game, and only the St Samuel result was unexpected”.

The goalscorers also talked with the media: “This was a very offensive game, but easy. We had a lot of goal opportunities, and could score a good amount of goals, which will help us. We were better in the game”, said Heitor, who scored a goal. Renário said: “I played well during the whole second half and even scored a goal, so this was a very good game for me”.

The dressing room atmosphere was the best possible, and later the CCFM president Samuel Makas went to congratulate everybody for the good result. In the sad news, one businessman was fined after making advertisements of his products in public. The CCFM paid the fine, but complained about that, as it doesn’t think that it was a wrong attitude.

http://img178.imageshack.us/img178/2848/cafmav3sf3.jpg
Ijak commemorates his goal

MAGNUS VALERIUS 1x4 CAFUNDÉU

Place: We don’t know!
Attendance: Don’t know it too!
Referee: Anne O’Shaw (Quakmybush).
MOTM: Ganz Ijak (Cafundéu).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/magnus_valerius.png MAGNUS VALERIUS: no team released.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Durepox, Léo Mattos, Kirs, Becão and Sávio Ferrari (Zé Carlos 78'); Anormal, Dário (Barbosa 65'), Falcus (Renário 45') and Kliek; Heitor and Ijak.
Coach: David Nefasto.

Goals:MAV: Midfielder (#17) 36'.
CAF: Ijak 21'/28' , Heitor 73' , Renário 78'.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cafundéu – formation for the friendly against Bazalonia: Matogrosso, Léo Mattos, Kirs, Becão and Alemão; Anormal, Dário and Kliek; Heitor, Ijak and Renário.
Coach: David Nefasto
Style of +2

Match’s Referee: Jorge Soares (Zwangzug) - same ref of our next WC qualifiers game.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Goalscorers after 3 Rounds:

5- G. Ijak
2- Anormal and Heitor
1- R. Kliek, Becão, C. Falcus and Renário

Estresse Intenso

17-04-2007, 02:37

DR. LANDAU - "So... we lost our long-awaited game against Quakmybush..."

DR. SABIN - "Yes, boss. You saw it, we weren't able to stop them..."

DR. LANDAU - "How bad... what about Cafundéu's result?"

DR. SABIN - "They won."

DR. LANDAU - "Oh, no... so, do we have something to commemorate?"

DR. SABIN - "Not today, boss (relieved)."

DR. LANDAU - "I'll drink something to see if my sadness disappears..."

Kiryu-shi

17-04-2007, 03:15

Kiryu-shi Manages a Point in Sloppy Game

By Michio Hibbert

Lovisa In Kiryu-shi’s overall worst game ever, they just barely hung onto one point to take home along with two red cards, four other yellow cards, an irate coach and the flu. Playing against the former football powerhouse of Lovisa, who is only seeded six after a string of disappointing World Cups, the Dragons fought their way to a one-one draw, hardly playing the “beautiful game”. The whole trip started out badly, when rain in Kiryu-shi stalled the planned takeoff by 14 hours while the entire team slept in the airport, with their bags as pillows and spare clothing as blankets. Following the ten hour plane trip, delayed even more in the air due to the storms on the ground, they got to Lovisa with six hours before kickoff to attempt to get to and check into their hotel, eat something, get to the pitch, change into their uniforms and warm up. They did so easily, but most players seemed to be a little cranky, to say the least, during pre-game warm-ups.

____The extra aggression actually made the first five minutes of the match extremely exciting, as Kiryu-shi scored within two minutes as Helen Gandy took the ball and dribbled from midfield into the penalty area, where she shot it past Lovisa keeper Fritjof Sievers to score the opening goal. Lovisa quickly responded with a goal of their own in the fifth minute, to start what seemed to be an exciting and fast paced match. Alas, it was not to be. As the Kiryu-shi attackers could not string together any passes, they grew more and more frustrated. Lovisa didn’t get any good chances going either, as they seemed to feel the aggression of the entire Kiryu-shi team. In the 11the minute, Gandy tackled Andrzej Górka from behind without getting any of the ball to send the midfielder sprawling as well as drawing the first yellow of the match. Garret McGee soon drew another, as he elbowed defender Jacek Lacheta in the side as they battled for a dropkick from Jon Crow in the 18th minute. Lacheta, after briefly coming out of the game with the air knocked out of him, returned at full strength within minutes. Both team’s midfields stubbed the ball around the centerline for most of the first half, as the middle of the pitch began to get extremely muddy and a light drizzle started to fall from the skies. The half ended even at one.

____The skies grew dark quickly as rain fell harder in the second half of the game. Visibility was low, and whistles blew often. In the 51st minute, the first ejection of the match followed a brutal challenge by Isaac Levi, and the normally calm Matthew Pruett got a yellow for arguing with the officials about the call. The free kick, taken by Piotr Corey, sailed just over the cross bar. Lovisa grew stronger as the match grew on, taking advantage of the whole in side defense, as well as the weary midfield. In the 60th minute, Coach Bruce Lewis took out Gandy in favor of Orson Wells who was to help out on defense. However, in the 63rd minute, Wells took out Georg Lunz with a spikes up slide in the penalty area just before Lunz was able to take a shot, which drew an immediate whistle and red card from the referee. Lunz took the penalty shot, but he lost his balance taking the kick, with what looked like a combination of the wet grass and a bruised ankle. The shot missed wide right. Kiryu-shi was down to nine players with half an hour left in the match, and they focused completely on defense. Martin Jones came in for Garret McGee, and Esra Goldenbock for Diamanti, as the Dragons switched to six defenders with two midfielders. The strategy held Lovisa at bay, although Doug LeBlanc drew a yellow card with just six minutes left in the match for delaying the game, as he kicked a ball that was already out of bounds into the stands. Kiryu-shi players seemed relieved to leave the pitch with the draw.

____Bruce Lewis, however, looked extremely irate as he was seen yelling at his team even before they got out of the rain, breaking his reputation as a calm and laidback coach. Reports indicate that several players also contracted the flu at some point during the trip, although a press release indicated that no one would stay out of the next match due to any medical condition

____Kiryu-shi will play at home against undefeated Northern Caesarea. They will be without the services of Levi and Wells, and will likely start Martin Jones as the right sideback position. Northern Caesarea is coming off of a bye, and is currently in second place with two wins and a draw; the draw coming in a surprising match against unranked Gnejs.

Quakmybush

17-04-2007, 04:19

The Daily Quak
Two More Makes Four

The Quakmybush National Soccer Team played two matches recently in their qualifying for the 34th World Cup. They took on World Cup Champions Bettia, and a newer nation, Estresse Intenso. In the Bettia game, the team came out in some particularly odd uniforms. Instead of teal and white, the team came out in red uniforms. The Bettian players then took the field with screams of agony and many of the players dropped to their knees and started to puke, and convulse. After some protest, the game began, The Bettian players appeared to be afraid to come within ten feet of a Shark, and it hurt them. In the 15th minute the Sharks forwards broke through the Bettian defense, a wonderful passing play developed and Mike Martin chipped in a wonderful shot. It was 1-0 Quakmybush. Then late in the first half, Chris Bricking got the ball around the half line then walked in and let a howitzer go that found the top left corner. It was 2-0 Quakmybush going into the half. Then, Bettia finally scored when somehow Peri Busilanta found the back of the net, 2-1 for the Sharks. That is how the score would stay until late in the second half when Rui Bandino, who subbed in for Bricking, received a pass from Jon Fields and he deposited it like a hube in a bank, and made it 3-1. That is how that game ended.

For the match against Estresse Intenso, the Sharks were back in the teal and white. The Sharks came out dominating with Jon Fields scoring early on to make it 1-0 Quakmybush. Estresse Intenso then reeled off two quick goals to take a 2-1 lead. That is how the game stayed at the half. Then early in the second half Cory Sorley found the back of the net to make it 2-2. Then, lat the hour mark, Ben Miller found an opening and put it thorough, making it 3-2. Then late in the game Clifford Baker found the back of the net. The final score was 4-2.

The Archregimancy

17-04-2007, 04:45

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

MONASTIC POINT – COUNTERPOINT

With Your Host, Fr. Seraphim the Occasionally Dangerously Free-Thinking Theologian.

“Hello, and welcome to Monastic Point – Counterpoint. Following the Archregimancy’s routine 5-0 demolition of group 2 seventh seeds Holweg, with another hattrick for Fr. Silouan, and another brace for Fr. Innocent, attention today turns to a topic gripping the entire nation…. Ass-chasing – justified training technique, or sinful exploitation of one of God’s innocent creations?

Joining me today in the studio are the captain of the National squad, Fr. Constantine the First-Called.”

“Hello – and may God bless this discussion”

“And the president of the newly-formed Monastic Association Against Donkey Exploitation, Fr. Ambrose the Protector of Animals.

“God bless you.”

“Fr. Ambrose, let me start with you… is ass-chasing ever justified?”

“Ah. This depends on what you mean by ass-chasing, Fr. Seraphim. If one is talking about chasing an accidentally loose or untied ass so that it may perform its divinely-ordained task, such as acting as a beast of burden, or carrying a monk between destinations, then, yes, I would say that it is justified to chase an ass. If the ass is not chased, then it cannot carry out its task.”

“Then if ass-chasing is justifiable, what’s your problem with the National squad?”

“This is chasing an ass – frightening or otherwise stressing a donkey – for mere transient worldly pleasure. The ass was not created so that monks could lay down more appropriate monastic tasks in order to chase it across a field so that they may improve their physical fitness. Worse, I hear that the goal of this ass-chasing is to attempt to kick the poor innocent creature. Is kicking the ass appropriate monastic behaviour, I ask you? This is why we at MAADE are asking the Holy Synod to ban inappropriate ass-chasing.”

“Fr. Constantine, if I can bring you into the conversation… don’t you agree with Fr. Ambrose that inappropriate ass-chasing should be banned?”

“Indeed I do, Fr. Seraphim. The inappropriate exploitation of innocent animals is sinful and wrong.”

“Then how do you justify your own ass-chasing?”

“Well, Fr. Seraphim, I find it odd that Fr. Ambrose feels able to talk on God’s behalf in this matter…”

“I never claimed…..!”

“If I can just finish… Fr. Ambrose states that being used as a beast of burden is part of the ass’s divinely ordained task in life. This implies that he believes that God made our training ass for similar purposes. But how does Fr. Ambrose know that the Lord did allow for this specific ass’s life to be placed to the purpose of training monks so that they may better glorify His name through success on the football pitch? If a donkey may carry a monk, may it not also improve a monk’s fitness? Which is happier, I ask you? The ass that carries a monk, or the ass encouraged to run freely through a paddock while chased by a monk? As to the rumours of kicking the ass, I believe Fr. Barsanuphius answered this on World Cup Tonight, and I can categorically promise that no ass has been kicked by any member of the Archregimancy squad during this or any other World Cup.”

“But it’s exploitation! You’ve tried to kick…”

“I’m sorry, but that’s all we have time for today – I’m sure this is a point we’ll be discussing for some time to come. Next week on Monastic Point – Counterpoint, join me for another exciting discussion…. Nestorians – Are they Doomed to Burn in the Fiery Pits of Hell? ”

Ariddia

17-04-2007, 11:02

This is an RP cut-off for MD5. Results are here (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12552860&postcount=5).

Bettia

17-04-2007, 11:19

This is an RP cut-off for MD5. Results will be published shortly.

OOC: Arsebiscuits, just missed it. Bloody rubbish work, cutting into vital RPing time. Ah well...

IC:

"Ah, now that's much better!"

That certainly seemed to be the consensus of opinion as Bettia bounced back from their red-tinted disappointment against Quakmybush. Even the comedy tumbleweed that tumbled its way down the deserted streets of Pifton seemed to have a spring in its step. As the Aroras cruised to a 5-2 win at Gnejs, the Pie and Pixie was enjoying a much happier atmosphere. There were smiles all round and clinking teacups aplenty as its clientele enjoyed the game.

All except one man.

Ali stood behind the counter as always, smiling politely whenever he took an order, but nervously looking up over his shoulder every so often. The events of the previous matchday had spooked him silly. Did he really see a girl floating in mid-air? Was it a jinn, or a ghost, or was it just his daft old mind playing tricks on him?

"Here Ali, we couldn't have another plate of waffles over here, could we?" Rhys called from the other side of the counter. But Ali didn't hear him - he was too concerned with peering over his shoulder.

"Ali? Hello-ooo?" Rhys said, waving his hand fron of Ali's face. Ali gave a start, and apologised.

"Oh, sorry mate. I was miles away."

"Yeah, I could see that. Don't tell me you're still looking for that imaginary friend of yours?"

"What?! No, I was just... umm... inspecting the ceiling for cobwebs. Yes, that's it! Cobwebs!"

Rhys wasn't impressed. "Bollocks. You're still going on about that thing you say you saw."

"I keep telling you, she was real! REAL I tell you!"

"Yeah, yeah, of course she was mate. So how come no-one else saw it?"

"I dunno. Guess you were too busy matching the match."

"Whatever. So how about those waffles?"

"Sure, I'll get 'em going. I'll bring 'em over when they're ready. That'll be a Groat please."

Ali took his money, stuffed into his trusty till and busied himself while Rhys toddled off back to his seat to take in the sights of Bettia playing against a normal non-red wearing team. The events of the Quakmybush match had caused a certain degree of trauma in the Blessed Realm. Being caught by surprise by the last-minute change in kits had seen a large influx of hospital admissions, mainly through shock, heart palpitations and severely chronic eye strain. But now the sight was much more pleasant.

"Hello mister! Can I have a cup of tea please?" a cheerful high-pitched voice piped up behind Ali's back. Ali smiled as he slowly turned around.

"Of course dear. That'll be GAAAAH!" he said as he stumbled backwards in shock. It was that girl again, sat on the counter, kicking her legs up and down and grinning sweetly from ear to ear.

"It's you! You're the one I saw!" Ali said, pointing at her. The girl nodded.

"I must apologise for conduct of my sister." another voice said from by his side. Ali looked to see another girl, older this time, looking perhaps fifteen or sixteen years old, dressed in dark grey trousers and a matching loose sleeveless top which showed a glimpse of midriff. A pair of dark eyes peered out from above a small dark grey veil worn over her face, with a thick crop of jet black hair framing it all. "She doesn't always know how to conduct herself in this world. After all, she's only a child."

"I'm not a child," the younger girl pouted, crossing her arms grumpily. "I'm 237 years old next week! You haven't forgotten my birthday, have you Junilun?"

"Of course not, how could I? After all, you've been reminding us non-stop for the last three months. Anyone would think your 237th birthday was something special. Now then Fatarani, haven't you got something to say to this old fleshie?"

The younger girl fidgited nervously. "Ummm, I, erm..."

"Say it!" the older girl snapped.

"I'm... I'm sorry I frightened you mister. I didn't mean it."

Ali chuckled uneasily. "That's okay, erm, Fatarani, wasn't it?"

Fatarani broke into another of her cheesy grins. "Yes, that's right! Fatarani! Cool name, huh? Okay, I'll see you soon! Bye!"

And with that, the two girls vanished once again.

"Hey wait! Come back!" Ali yelled.

"Huh? Who are you shouting to?" said Evan as he heaved his heavy frame around in his chair to look at him, as did most of the other customers.

"That girl. She was here again, with her sister this time."

"Oh, you have two imaginary friends now!? Yes, of course."

"But it's true, they were right here next to me!"

"Ali, old friend, you're going doolally! If they were there, how come nobody else saw them?"

"They... they..." Ali stammered. Was he really going doolally? Surely he didn't just have a conversation with two imaginary girls, they seemed so real. But how did they appear and disappear like that? Sighing, Ali took out his newspaper and checked the match schedule.

He laughed and shook his head.

Bettia's next game was against Estresse Intenso, the team from the mental institute. How ironic.

Fixtures / Results

MD..OPPONENT................VENUE...RESULT

Qualifying Group 3

01: Kiryu-Shi...............HOME....W 7-1
02: BYE
03: Quakmybush..............Away....L 1-3
04: Gnejs...................Away....W 5-2
05: Estresse Intenso........HOME....W 5-2
06: Northern Caesarea.......Away....
07: Lovisa..................HOME....
08: Kiryu-Shi...............Away....
09: Az-Cz...................HOME.... (Friendly)
10: Quakmybush..............HOME....
11: Gnejs...................HOME....
12: Estresse Intenso........Away....
13: Northern Caesarea.......HOME....
14: Lovisa..................Away....

Az-cz

17-04-2007, 11:44

OOC: Me too Bettia. Me too.

Amda-Mo: And Az-cz finally puts on a performance worthy of a top side with that dismantling of Junista.

Lur-Mn: Indeed. A shutout and a barrage of goals. Great football that. Still a win over a Baptism of Fire team shouldn't excite too many people.

Amda-Mo: What would you say the key to the match was?

Lur-Mn: Clearly the midfielders were ticked off. Pizelkaxrovsky, Hubertino, Kn-Dg and Ip-Gp weren't going to stand for another middling performance. They were all four sublime on the pitch today. Junista just couldn't do anything against them.

Amda-Mo: What do you think inspired Kn-Dg's four goal haul today?

Lur-Mn: Good play. Weak opposition. Fear of not qualifying. Great set up from Ip-Gp and Pizelkaxrovsky. It was definitely a good performance but it's hardly earth shattering. I don't think Jeruselem or Ariddia are quaking in their boots cause of his four goals.

Amda-Mo: And on the defensive end?

Lur-Mn: No mistakes. That's it. Nothing spectacular was needed from the back four.

Amda-Mo: In other news in the group Oliverry was stunned by Dance 2 Revolution. What do you think about that?

Lur-Mn: Well clearly it's good news. But just like last cup we've seen a lot of strange results. I remember hearing a lot of complaining about the strange scores last cup but somehow they haven't been coming this cup.

Amda-Mo: Next up is Dance 2 Revolution. Thoughts?

Lur-Mn: Well clearly it'll be a tough match. They proved their dangerousness by shutting out Oliverry in knocking them off. But we've proven we know how to beat them, it's just an issue of getting it done.

Az-cz

17-04-2007, 12:22

Amda-Mo: That was a huge way to follow up the Junista win. Two consecutive shutouts accompanied by many goals now have Az-cz back in a playoff spot.

Lur-Mn: Indeed. That was impressive. We're not talking about a rank newcomer like Junista but a well known long established nation, if one who's best days are behind it. Putting five past a team that shut Oliverry out is impressive.

Amda-Mo: Indeed. What's been key in this turnaround.

Lur-Mn: It looks like the players have gotten used to the new coach and his style and they've taken their play to the next level. Especially Ip-Gp and Pizelkaxrovsky in the midfield.

Amda-Mo: Indeed. Where would you rate Pizelkaxrovsky's performance today, having an assist on all five goals?

Lur-Mn: Well it was only a qualifier against a mid-level ranked team so that tempers it's quality somewhat, but it was an incredible display. The Dance 2 Revolution players were clearly powerless to stop him. When he plays at the absolute peak of his powers that I don't think there's a team that can stop him.

Amda-Mo: How about the defense?

Lur-Mn: I think you've got to credit coach Hausen with that. The team has followed his advice and they are playing well. Hubertino is taking over and Shockey is proving that keeping him as a starter was the right move.

Amda-Mo: Can you believe after the two disappointing draws to open up that we'd be tied for third best goal differential at this point?

Lur-Mn: And still a very marginal qualifying team. That just emphasizes how poor the draw against Kampfers was. We should never let a team like that come to Az-cz and steal points off of us.

Amda-Mo: Looking ahead we've got a titilating match against Ropa-Topia coming up. If we can win there we'll be top of the group.

Lur-Mn: It will certainly be a tough road trip and Ropa-Topia will be very determined. They're in good position to finally qualify for the cup and certainly won't want to lose ground to us and Oliverry in that race. But we're more than capable of beating them and should be solid favorites. And if the six in the middle continue to dominate like they have been, then all bets are off.

Amda-Mo: Looking around at the rest of qualification what are the surpises to you?

Lur-Mn: Green Wombat. Admittedly they haven't had to play either of the top teams in their group but they still have to be pleased with that start. West Pasco is clearly a bigger suprise, but there's no way that can continue. If a team that got destroyed in a weak Baptism of Fire makes the cup that would be ridiculous. Far surpassing the famed Quakmybush qualification. But it won't they're just not that good of a team. I think Cafundeu is the biggest disappointment so far, but I think they'll get things worked out. Really it's just that loss to St. Samuel that leaves them in a bad spot. There are some strange teams at the top but the big names are all where you'd expect them to be or not far off pace.

Amda-Mo: Ok then. We'll see you back here soon to see if the gnomes could climb to the top of the group.

Jeruselem

17-04-2007, 12:24

<During the game between Jeruselem and the HURD>

Commentator 1: God, what a tackle!
Commentator 2: Yes, that robot took down Monique Alexander with such a clumsy tackle. I don't if that was on purpose!
Commentator 1: She's not getting up, I think she's done her knee in.
Commentator 2: The people are carrying her off, she's looking really bad.

Commentator 1: Rashina Dallas is coming to cover Monique, it's looking bad for Jeruselem with the captain going off like that.
Commentator 2: The player from the HURD got a yellow, a yellow? That was a RED!
Commentator 1: Yes, it was red, but maybe not intentional.
Commentator 2: Dazza Dallas doesn't look too happy, she's got her head in her hands.

Commentator 1: Yes, with Jeruselem down TWO NIL to the HURD, it's not looking good.
Commentator 2: They needed the captain to be there, but sadly not.
Commentator 1: Jeruselem really need to get a goal now, as it's getting late in the game.
Commentator 2: Yes, it's a big loss. Still Dazza looks cute with those pink knee protectors.

<Later>

Commentator 1: God, bad another tackle! Dinkie been sent crashing over!
Commentator 2: Penalty to Jeruselem. Dinkie looks OK, but she's not happy.
Commentator 1: Rashina is taking the penalty shot. She's watching the keeper.
Commentator 2: Bang, in the corner. Another Dallas special but the fat lady had sung. Jeruselem have lost to the HURD TWO ONE, what an upset.

Commentator 1: Yes, indeed but Jeruselem lost the captain which is worst.
Commentator 2: Dazza's got problems now.
Commentator 1: Looks like really bad injury to Monique there.
Commentator 2: Yes, she's out the rest of this cup now.

Commentator 1: Dazza's looks depressed.
Commentator 2: I think she knows, the pain of breaking knees.
Commentator 1: Not good for any footballer.
Commentator 2: Crutches aren't fun, I've been in many car crashes.

<Later>

Commentator 1: Dazza's paid us a visit.
Dazza: Hi guys.
Commentator 2: What's the news on Monique?
Dazza: Shattered knee, she's out for the rest of the cup.

Commentator 1: We are so sorry, so who is going be captain now?
Dazza: Big Gay Al is taking over. He's very unhappy as well. No one wants to lose player like that.
Commentator 2: Well, good luck for the game at home. Let's hope poor Monique recovers.
Dazza: Thanks

Commentator 1: You look cute with those knee pads Dazza.
Dazza: (giggles) Thanks, but they are to help my knees fix up.
Commentator 2: I guess Monique will be need them too.
Dazza: Poor girl (sobs)

Commentator 1: Dazza's quite upset here. Moany being her friend and all.
Commentator 2: We've got some beer here!
Dazza: Thanks guys.
Commentator 1: Well, we wish the best luck at home.
Dazza: We'll do it for Monique. We'll win.

Commentator 1: Now, who's going to replace Monique?
Dazza: I don't know, but apparently there's some robot chick they've developed.
Commentator 2: What's she look like?
Dazza: Me, moulded in my body. Actually I want to meet her.
Commentator 1: CyberDazza, sounds good to me.

Commentator 1: That's it everyone, Dazza's confirmed the worst. Big Gay Al is taking over and let's hope the camp man can do the job. We'll just have a beer or two with Dazza here.

Mekhule

17-04-2007, 15:07

EXCEEDING EXPECTATIONS

Report by Justin Schneebles, Commonwealth News.

The Commonwealth Nation of Mekhule may have come here expecting defeat, but they certainly aren't letting that deter them as they have already clocked up a staggering four points so far in this tournament, one more than expected which leaves them two whole places above the bottom of Group 2 and in a position to gain even more points. Having said this, Mekhule have had a tough time of it with three extremely heavy defeats at the hands of some of the best teams in the competition. Today's upset however was given to nearby nation Turruth Gordur, the brutes of The YoungWorld who barely managed to contain the match as Raven Kinsella equalized late on in the match for a wondrous one all draw.

Rightfully Khan Revanna, Mekhule's manager was quoted to have said that he has been pleased with the team's performances so far and that the side would give as good as they receive in the matches to come. The next couple of matches will however be hard ones for the team and we are expecting a lot more goals at the wrong end of the park before we see Mekhule's next win but as long as the team are in good spirits there is always a chance.

Northern Bettia

17-04-2007, 15:39

It's a typically sunny spring day, and the thousands of fans packed into Mekhule's national stadium are enjoying a rather good football match... some more than others. You see, the match organisers have made one crucial error in their preparations - they made the mistake of placing the Northern Bettia fans behind one of the goals. Okay, even though the Yuna Crew are the most feared gang of hooligans in the NS-World (well, in their minds anyway), putting them at one end of the pitch isn't such a big deal, right?

Right.... well, normally it is anyway.

You see, when you have a bunch of red-blooded beered-up blokes itching to cause trouble standing behind a goal, the last thing you want to do is to inflame them any more, but when you have a young lady named Sasha standing in for your team's first choice goalkeeper, you're just asking for trouble. Oh dear... A loose ball forward by Marcus Megumi is bouncing its way to her in the goal right now.

"Go on darlin', pick it up!" Hiro shouts amid a chorus of wolf-whistles. With the Fire Ants' star striker Ola Hiyashibara bearing down on her fast, she has no choice, and so bends over to pick it up.

"Whoooo! Nice arse! Go on my luvver, give us a wiggle!!"

Poor Sasha. She's had to put up with this childish, immature, sexist baiting all through the second half and it's affected her game rather badly. Luckily she didn't have endure this during the first half, and she made a number of good saves on the rare occasions that Northern Bettia threatened - unfortunately, her team-mate Raven did, and the loud whooping that greeted her every touch saw her shooting wide whenever anything remotely like a shooting chance came her way. Indeed, weak jokes about 'having a lovely pair up front' were in plentiful supply. However, the home side's dominance saw them head into the half-time break 1-0 up.

But as for the second half... well, that was a different kettle of fish altogether for young Ms. Bry. A seemingly endless stream of wolf-whistles, cat-calling and sheer male chauvinism, capped off with the occasional chorus of "Get yer tits out, Get yer tits out, Get yer tits out for the lads, Get yer tiiiiits out for the lads!" has rattled her something rotten, allowing the Northern Bettia strikers to score almost at will.

Despite the home team going 2-0 up early in the second half, the abuse hasn't let up one bit. Here we go into the 62nd minute when she let a rather tame effort from Hiyashibara roll between her feet, a fact which amused the misogynistic idiots behind the goal no end. The tirade of jibes about keeping her legs closed only served to affect her game further, leading to a succession of soft goals which has seen our mighty Fire Ants record a fine victory by five goals to two.

As the crowds make their way from the stadium and back to the airport for the plane home, Hiro and Massa reflect on the eye candy that has so made their day.

"So Massa, what d'you think of that goalkeeper then?"

"Bloody 'ell. I tell ya mate, I would."

"Me too. I wouldn't mind dribbling round her box. So who have we got next?"

Massa pulls out a crumpled copy of the Anyuna Observer and takes a quick peek whilst scribbling in the latest score, which is a minor acheivement in itself for these guys.

"Heh. Yer not gonna like this. The Archregimancy are coming our way!"

"The Archregimancy?" Hiro says, his face darkening with anger. "The ones who wouldn't even let me twat them?"

"That's not the worst of it."

"You mean there's more?"

"Uh-huh. The entire team is still made up of men."

"What, you mean there's no birds to goggle at? Damn! What are we supposed to do for entertainment then?"

"Erm... watch football?"

Hiro laughed as he smacked a fist into the palm of his hand. "Fuck that. Those monkeys..."

"Monks."

"Whatever. They'll be on our turf. I tell ya, I'm well up for a return match rumble, and no fancy Dreamed Realm bollocks is gonna help 'em now!"

Fixtures / Results

MD..OPPONENT...............VENUE...RESULT

Qualifying Group 2

01: Commerce Heights JSY...HOME....L 0-1
02: Holweg.................Away....W 4-0
03: Turruth Gordur.........HOME....W 4-2
04: BYE
05: Mekhule................Away....W 5-2
06: The Archregimancy......HOME....
07: Turori.................HOME....
08: Commerce Heights JSY...Away....
09: Holweg.................HOME....
10: Turruth Gordur.........Away....
11: BYE
12: Mekhule................HOME....
13: The Archiregimancy.....Away....
14: Turori.................Away....

Turori

17-04-2007, 15:59

http://www.3wideracing.com/3wide/sites/ao/turori/images/logo.gif

Day Off Tightens Group 2 Table

The Turori Eels got Matchday 5 off, allowing Northern Bettia to move level with the Eels on points after their victory over Mekhule. Northern Bettia, who have also suffered just one loss so far in the campaign, will now move on to face group leaders The Archregimancy, in a match which the Eels have mixed emotions leading up to. A win for The Archregimancy could give Turori a foothold on the 2nd position, while a win for Northern Bettia could allow the Eels to move back atop the Group Table, though only on Goal Differential, and level on points with a team in third place needing a playoff to advance.

Previously the Eels had to square off with the same Commerce Heights incarnate that handed the Northern Bettians their only loss. Turori, however, fared better than their counterparts, coming away with the 2-1 victory to set the stage for an exciting matchup with Northern Bettia later in the competition. While, in the past, both Vilita and Turori have had large rivalries with the Bettian people, it is uncertain to what degree those rivalries will carry over onto the pitch with the Northern Bettians, or whether the atmosphere will be dictated solely by the competitive nature of the placement of the teams within the qualification groups.

Turori Eels 2 - 1 Commerce Heights JSY

Despite being the better performer of the two Vilita Cove nations in the previous World Cup, Turori's lone defeat so far in this qualification puts them behind their former empirial rulers in the overall table, as the Jungle Cats recorded their fourth victory in four matches to be one of just 5 teams remaining with perfect records.

http://www.3wideracing.com/3wide/sites/ao/turori/images/turbot.gif

Wentland

17-04-2007, 16:13

The team had not even left the pitch before Norman Hacker started to tear into them. "What was going on there? You were rubbish...lethargic...second to every ball..."

"Sorry, boss...we just couldn't get going...just not there psychologically..."

"Is it cos those bloody birds have gone to their tournament? Jeez, go out and get some slappers or something. "

"It wouldn't be the same..."

The team and Hacker trooped off disconsolately. Hacker thinking of whether he could get any help in. That Pike girl, she was pretty fit and had been dropped. And Amber Hodgkiss? Splendid, er, assets. She had been injured so missed out. Maybe they could be brought along with the squad.

Hacker was so deep in thought that he did not notice the commotion in the dressing room until he was in there. "What's going on? What's this stink?"

"Read this, boss..."

Dear Mr Hacker

Please accept this token of appreciation from a friend in the Archregimancy. Your team's tactic of 'ass chasing' has inspired us to great feats of derring do and I trust that this small gift will bring you as much fortune as her relatives have done for us.

Yours sincerely
Fr Theodorus the Hippomane

"A hippo?"

"Not quite, boss...but nearly as bad..."

Fort Europe

17-04-2007, 16:27

L'XONATHULL D'OKIELAHOMA
THE BATTLE OF OKIELAHOMA

Fort Europe - 2 - V - 1 - Okielahoma

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/Football/WC%2034/34021.jpg
Isaak with plenty to celebrate

Report by Amy Bystander, Commonwealth News.

Confidence is all that it takes sometimes to win a match and here the team with the most confidence was clearly the home side who performed magnificently on their own turf to provide a performance worthy of a team pushing for qualification to the World Cup finals. Fort Europe may have gone down to a shock defeat last week against J-Man2k7 but they showed none of it here as the pressed against their opponents defensive line for most of the match opening up some great opportunities that afforded the side two spectacular goals.

The opener came from Karl Isaak thirty seven minutes into the game from a Michelle Bishop through ball much the same as the two strikers had been working on in training. Isaak connected with the ball cleanly and the ball for it's part in the spectacle struck the inside of the post before bouncing up and down in the back of the net. Michelle Bishop was taken off at half time after complaining of sickness earlier that morning, so she was replaced by Chris Lessinger who made an immediate impact scoring just ten minutes after joining the match with a perfect solo effort that resulted in the desired effect.

The lads from Okielahoma did pull one back on the seventy first minute but it wasn't enough to take the three points from the victorious home side at the Commonwealth Stadium and Fort Europe retain their third place spot on six points. Shaun Miller said after the match that Fort Europe were extremely deserving of the win and should perhaps have scored more, but when it comes down to it a win is a win and Fort Europe are mounting a serious challenge for qualification for the third cycle in succession.

PLAYER RATINGS
(Out of 10)

8 - James West
8 – Murphy Lee
8 – Shaun Pearson
7 – Aki Haddon
8 – Mia Nevola
7 – Curzon Thyre []
7 – Andy Fletcher
7 – Ryan Holmes (C)
8 – Ethan Jatzi
8 - Michelle Bishop
9 - Karl Isaak (37)

SUBS

- - Tom Reas
7 - Francis Rowe (On for Haddon (75))
- – Katherine Keller
- – Will Ingue
9 - Chris Lessinger (On for Bishop (45)) (55)

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/Football/WC%2034/34022.jpg
Karl Isaak performs miracles for the Angels

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/Football/WC%2034/34024.jpg
Lessinger strikes from distance

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James West keeping the dream alive

St Samuel

17-04-2007, 17:35

Atheistic Right (0)4
Miller 49
Hunt 53
Carter 58
Stewart 82
St Samuel (2)2
St John 26
Batista 31

A dismal display of football by St Samuel saw them defeated four goals to two against Atheistic Right, in group 5 of the World Cup Qualifying stage. Manager Louis Della Penzzi stated after the match that he felt let down by the teams display.

After winning there first three games and putting up a fine display in there defeat to Demot, St Samuel went into the match against Atheistic Right looking to win. But a diabolical second half display saw Atheistic Right win a convincing 4-2.

St Samuel started strong and played some clever football, with the first goal coming on the 26th minute when Dexter St John headed in from a Frankie Le Ricco cross.

Five minutes later St Samuel made it 2-0 when Omar Batista struck the ball from out wide, debatable whether a cross or a shot, but a goal none the less.

Mazzerani will regret missing a chance to make it 3-0 when he skyed the ball over the bar from 5 yards out in what looked to be easier to score than to miss. The half time whistle went and St Samuel went in for the break with a comfortable 2-0 lead.

Atheistic Right came out for the second half a different team and four minutes into the second half De Villion bought down Hunt in the penalty area, for which the referee gave a penalty. A furious Enzo Mazzerani fumed at the referee and was lucky to only get away with a yellow card. Miller stepped up for the penalty and tucked the ball calmly into the bottom right hand corner.

Minutes later Mazzerani made a crunching tackle on Kyle Rogers which resulted in Xavier Carter tangling with Mazzerani. Once the two sides had been calmed down Mazzerani was shown a straight red card.

Atheistic Right's equalizer came on the 53rd minute when Jacob Hunt hit home a rebounded shot after a corner. Just 5 minutes later Aidan Stewart was bought down on the edge of the box and a curling free kick by Carter was looped over the wall gave Corinthian no chance to make the scoreline 3 goals to 2.

St Samuel just couldn't seem to settle and the third goal was a crushing blow. Atheistic Right secured the three points on the 82nd minute when Aidan Stewart headed in from a Xavier Carter corner.

The defeat see's St Samuel drop to third position in the group and face Magnus Valerius at home in there next fixture.

Mekhule

17-04-2007, 17:56

A BETTIA TEAM THAN US

Report by Justin Schneebles, Commonwealth News.

On a normal day starting the second half of a football match two goals up would be the start of a very good result for any football team at any level, but for Mekhule it was only a step along the way to a nightmare of a match which saw the visitors get the last laugh. On this baking hot day on the equatorial south coast of Mekhule in the basking city of Fort Elizebeth, better known for it's surfing than it's football, the Mekhule national side played host to Northern Bettia, and for the majority of the first half thrived in the glorious sunshine and the rowdy, drunken comments emanating from the away end.

The Commonwealth nation opened the scoring towards the end of the first half with a Raven Kisella goal as she headed past Jon Ozeki from Jessica Gonomire's cross. Then in the opening minutes of the second half she scored again, this time running onto a long kick from reserve goalkeeper Sasha Bry who was standing in for Steve Orvile. Raven took a single touch to lob Ozeki from thirty five yards out. From there though the match went down hill. The sun now descending towards the horizon gave the visitors the advantage they needed as young Sasha in goal squinted to see the ball in the bright sunlight having forgotten to bring out a pair of sunglasses. Several of the other players also struggled with the light and Northern Bettia soon capitalised on the situation, helped on by their alcohol fueled supporters.

Sasha Bry received an endless amount of abusive comments which were somewhat off putting for her in her first full international match, but she smiled to herself inwardly knowing that they wouldn't be commenting so much if they believed their team actually had a chance to win this competition. It was unfortunate however that events transpired in the second half against the Mekhule team, and the final score of five goals to two flattered the Northern Bettia side, who had little possession in the match and even less skill in their talentless side.

The story didn't end at the final whistle though, as our sources say that Northern Bettia's Yuna Crew, their most loyal supporters received a visit outside the stadium by Sasha Bry and three other female Mekhulian players. One witness said that the 22 cycle old goalkeeper walked up to the gang's leader and attached her lips to his. The leader of the Yuna Clan we believe was the instigator of many of the comments and abusive songs thrown in Sasha Bry's direction during the game. The four girls were latter spotted heading for a hotel with several of the notorious clan's members.

Fort Europe

17-04-2007, 18:23

NAUSTZ'RENINTHIZILI B'VECKO
UNBELIEVABLY RANDOM

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Spontaneous Violence clears out the Toaster

Random Toast - 0 - V - 0 - Fort Europe

Report by Amy Bystander, Commonwealth News.

Many would believe a nil - nil draw to be extremely boring, and if you've ever been to see one then you'll probably end up snoring. A nil - nil draw between the randomly toasted nation of Random Toast and Fort Europe however will never ever be classed as boring however as there is always comedy involved. Unsurprisingly the star of the match was not one of the players, but the regular appearance of Chris Vanstone's burger van at completely random intervals during the match for which fans and players alike dropped what ever they were doing to join the queue for the infamous food. Unfortunately for licensing reasons we were not allowed to photograph the burger van, so we have had to make do with the random pictures displayed below.

The draw does no favours for Fort Europe who are still languishing third in Group 11, two points below Bazalonia and some way off the pace. Fort Europe have a long way to go in this qualifying stage if they are to stand a chance of performing at the World Cup finals for the first time in their history. Their inability to score against the group's bottom side not helping much towards their plight. Some good news though means that Michelle Bishop who sat this match out with a stomach virus will be back in time for the next match, apparently all she needed was one of Chris Vanstone's famous deep fried penguin burgers.

PLAYER RATINGS
(Out of 10)

7 - Ed Russell
7 – Murphy Lee
7 – Shaun Pearson
7 – Francis Rowe
7 – Mia Nevola
7 – Curzon Thyre []
7 – Andy Fletcher []
7 – Ryan Holmes (C)
7 – Ethan Jatzi
7 - Chris Lessinger
7 - Karl Isaak

SUBS

- - Tom Reas
- - Mike Young
7 – Katherine Keller (On for Jatzi (45))
- – Will Ingue
7 - Ian Sikes (On for Lessinger (45))

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Acrobatic goalkeeping from West

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/Football/WC%2034/34033.jpg
Curzon Thyre keeps his eye on the ball

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/Football/WC%2034/34035.jpg
Fletcher back in the referee's little yellow book

Green wombat

17-04-2007, 19:29

GREEN WOMBAT PAPER THING OF HAPPY NEWS

Well Country of wombat is many happy now

with four wins and losses still zero!

a trip to British Londinium (speel it rite! i did!) we get win biggly

4 goals got in back of happy netting

Billie Mofield, the girl, score two times into netting

and Emmanuel Rinn also get two happy nettings.

and no goals into netting of sadness past Eli Nobel. That's nice.

we now lead grouping of 8 but have 7 in group

still look for 8th team, BYE.. still no find yet

Next is match vs. Fried Grease they best in group so tough win for us....NOT!

for paper this Torat bye bye.

Swilatia

17-04-2007, 21:15

Well, Okay, since we weren't able to stage a defeat against a weak team when we tried with SS Oaklands, today, in the match against Netherwallop, we forgot about trying to look bad. Instead, our focus actually was to win, to get higher in the group, maybe then we will qualify for once. And guess what? We slammed the Netherwallop team. They did not stand a chance.

Like, in the first half, we just went right past their defense 3 times with no problems, Romańska at 14 minutes, Rycerski at 26, and Dąbrowski at 31. As fpr Netherwallop, they got nothing in this half. Nothing. Seriously, why why didn't we actuallhy try to win in the SS Oaklands match, I'm sure it would then have looked like this, and ended with us having a positive GD by now.

Second half, they actually hit goals in to our net, at 57 and 78, which is hardly surprising since our defense sucks. However, that meant nothing. At 64 minutes Dąbrowski hit a goal in for us, an Rycerski got one at 82. So that's how it ends. A GD of 0, and 3 more points. In fact, we're actually in a qualifying spot now, and this lead to much celebration in the area around the Union Centre Stadium.

Just hope it lasts, as it was not that easy to get here. We're thinking we might lose it after tommorow's match, against Errinundera. They may be rather... difficult, although we almost won a match against them in the last world cup. They just blocked that last one, which would give us the winning point, and 3 points in the group.

Besides, their nation is a joke. I think we're just going to smuggle some meat, leather, or something like that (but not a car, thats too large, too noticable), just to show how much of a joke those tree-huggers are. Sure, it's a crime, and they might catch us, but our government, the government of Swilatia, will surely get us out of any messes this might start.

Aleksander Szary

Assegai Developments

17-04-2007, 22:12

The Crimson Blade
Riskbreakers on a Roll

Continuing to display improved defense and more fluidity up top, the Assegai Developments National Football Team routed No. 119 Alexandrian Ptolemais 6-0, much to the dismay of the home crowd.

Indeed, the story in the last two games has been the suddenly stingy defense that begins with veteran defenders Romeo Guildenstern and Jan Rosencrantz, continues with the younger Stephen Maison and Francis Rowe, and ends with standout keeper Akihiko Yoshida who notched his second consecutive clean sheet of the qualifying phase.

The four defenders deftly absorbed whatever attacks or schemes the spirited Alexandrian Ptolemais squad tossed at them. The most important thing—as pointed out by Rosencrantz pointed—was that they maintained that same level of defensive effort throughout the entire game, because the home team never gave up, taking whatever opportunities they could get to move the ball into Assegai’s half of the field.

Meanwhile, Assegai’s forwards made the best of the mix of through passes and long ball tactics employed by the midfield, which is as solid as it has ever been. In fact, it was midfielder Fleur Delacour who got her team on the board, with an electrifying run from 40 yards out after a defensive mistake that left her unmarked in the 14th minute. Delacour sprinted straight up to the Alexandrian keeper and chipped a shot out of his reach.

The home team then managed to hold off Assegai throughout most of the first half. However, a through ball that eluded the defensive backline was chased down by forward Samantha Neesa, who blasted a shot to the far post, putting her team up 2-0 right before the halftime whistle.

Assegai applied even more pressure to begin the second half, and a busted play meant for forward Severus Snape instead found forward Viktor Krum, who didn’t hesitate to blast the shot past his confused teammates and opponents in the 51st minute.

Krum added another goal 11 minutes later, taking a pass from Neesa, faking a pass to Snape, and shimmying past two defenders and the keeper with a spectacular rainbow heel pass to himself that he finished off with a superlative header.

Delacour added to the score in the 70 minute off a free kick 30 yards out. Assegai midfielder and team captain Ashley Riot lined up for the shot with Delacour to his right, but he ran past the ball and Delacour blasted a shot toward a different angle before the defensive wall and keeper could react.

Snape finally got his in the 83rd minute after receiving a pass from midfielder Alys Spicer and muscling his way out of the grasp of his defender and blasting a shot that smashed off the near post and into the goal.

“I couldn’t ask for a much better performance from my team tonight,” said Assegai Manager Sir Knight Edgard Zúniga after the game. “They executed at every level from front to back, and this is a game we really needed on the eve of our clash with The Lowland Clans.”

As the game came to an end, both team shook hands at midfield, took photos and exchanged jerseys and hugs. Then, both teams left the field to a respectful ovation from the crowd.

“I’m glad we got a game like this under our belt,” said Riot as he walked off the field. “We had a rough start there, but I think a game like this does wonders for our confidence going into the match against The Lowland Clans. Wouldn’t it be great if we could upset them? It’ll take a performance like tonight’s and a whole lot more to defeat a team of that caliber, though.”

Match Summary

(117) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/alexandrian_ptolemais.png Alexandrian Ptolemais 0

VS
(34) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/assegai_developments.png Assegai Developments 6

[AP]
None

[AD]
Fleur Delacour (14’, 70’)
Samantha Neesa (45’)
Viktor Krum (51’, 62’)
Severus Snape (83’)

Yellow Cards:
None

Red Cards:
None

Acapais

17-04-2007, 22:44

World Cup Qualifying – MD5

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/acapais.png Acapais : Nerotika http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/nerotika.png
4:1 (2:0)

Match Report:

Vaygr Field, Edgewood, Acapais – The second home match of Acapais’s World Cup Qualifying campaign for World Cup 34 was against Nerotika and ended in a 4-1 victory for the home side on Monday night. This was the biggest win in Acapan football history in terms of margin of goals. This is the first win in four WCQ fixtures for Acapais. The Hearts are currently in 4th place after four matches and with six points. The leaders of group 10, Rejistania, have ten points. Milchama and Bostopia each have seven points sitting at 2nd and 3rd.

Acapais national football team has been riddled with injuries and bad form as of lately. Jose broke his collar bone and Haun has not been a suitable replacement for him. Monday however Jones scored his first two international goals courtesy of high class crosses from Salazar and Van Savage. Duke suffered a concussion at the conclusion of the first half. ‘Super Sub,’ Graham Atwater, joined at the whistle of the second half.

Atwater’s two assists in the second half were the first of his career as well. The forth and final goal for The Hearts was scored by Alex McKellar, brother of defender Nick McKellar, which was the first goal of his international career. It was a good win for Acapais filled with firsts.

Critics say that this win key if Acapais want to advance. “If we had lost or drawn this game it would have been over for us. This win means we are on course for qualification. I know it sounds obvious but we must take at least three points over the next two games to be in the driver’s seat.”

Scoring:
Acapais – Jones (Van Savage) 19
Acapais – Jones (Salazar) 28
Acapais – Salazar (Atwater) 47
Acapais – McKellar (Atwater) 53
Nerotika – ??? 72

Booking:
Nerotika – ??? (caution; Reckless foul) 33
Acapais – Jones (caution; Reckless foul) 64

Acapais Starting Lineup:
1 - Matthew Dickenson (GK)
2 - Shane Murphy (C)
13 - Robert Hernandez
6 - Jeremy Davis
10 - Shaurabh Nandy
4 - Craig Robicheaux
5 - Salvador Salazar
7 - Dom'onic Duke (15 - Graham Atwater) 68
8 - Alex McKellar
9 - Oscer Van Savage
17 – Deshawn Jones

Next Match:

vs Milchama http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/milchama.png

-----------------------------------------------
Acapais RP Threads
Roster Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12478731&postcount=9)
Acapais PreWC Press Conference (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12491022&postcount=23)
Acapais v Sel Appa Friendly (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12492699&postcount=26)
WCQ Draw (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12535022&postcount=19)
MD2 pre-game (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12541262&postcount=56)
Bostopia - MD2 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12543949&postcount=84)
Sativaville - MD3 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12547865&postcount=118)
Kingsford - MD4 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12550431&postcount=139)
Nerotika – MD5

Turruth Gordur

17-04-2007, 22:53

From the desk of Draco Glaurung:

We notched another win last night and, so far, we are doing much better than others expected of us. We are not surprised by our results since we have spilled blood in preparation for these football battles. Next we have a trip to Turori, which is famous for its massive penguin. We plan to hunt this penguin down and take many photos of it. We are fascinated by this incredible creature. Other than that, we plan to hand out another dose of our harsh form of football to the unwitting Turorians. Hey, it’s nothing personal. Turruth Gordur just has a reputation to uphold and we will step and crush whoever or whatever we need to in order to secure our place in NationStates football.

Upcoming Match

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/turori.png Turori VS Turruth Gordur http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/turruth_gordur.png

Raging Penguins

17-04-2007, 23:16

The games had been interesting. Against The Macabees, which had featured Peter the Pet Rock wielding a flame-thrower, Norris issuing subpoenas, and the Johns using every trick up their sleeves - as well a frightful amount of cheating, The Team had won.

It was a surprise, and it showed The Team that extra defense was important, after the Bureaucrats had had three-foot high stacks of dense, small-print documents, all of which needed multiple signatures and contained small sub-clauses which explained that by signing this document, you were selling your soul to the holder, and that this contract was binding for eternity. They also required credit card information, personal phone-numbers, e-mail addresses, and social security information. This intimidating display was reinforced by Miss Harthswipe giving all and any players which came near her/him wet, sloppy kisses, much to the recipients horror.

How The Team managed four goals is still under investigation, especially since there were four balls in the net all at one given time, whereas there was only one ball provided for the match.

As the game against Oglethorpia drew near, The Team received a mysterious shipment; a very, very large cardboard box, marked "Caution: Flammable!", "Radioactive! Wear Protection When Handling", and "Fragile". Strangely, there was no "This Side Up" marking, and the box made odd noises from time to time.

Upon arrival on the pitch, which, being a "home" game for The Team, was on the deck of a stranded sea barge, surrounded by heaps of refuse and waste(which, incidentally, doubled as the spectator seats), The Team set up the Bureaucrats' desks, the witness stand, the Hat Stand, and the Stop Sign with Police Line Do Not Cross Tape. Then, in a never-before seen move, they placed the large, dubious cardboard box a few feet behind the Desks, several meters in front of the Goal.

When the match began, the Oglethorpian team began to avoid the box, which had begun to rattle a bit, and at one point emitted a loud, high-pitched tone, similar to microphone feedback, except that feedback doesn't sound that malevolent. However, this did not stop them from sending one shot from the center of the pitch into the goal, causing the bureaucrats to throw heavy ledgers filled with paperwork at the forward who'd made the shot.

Eventually, by the time the second half had rolled around, the Oglethorpians had decided it was best to maintain in control of the ball, stay on their side of the pitch, and wait to see if the box would erupt on The Team. Unfortunately, it never did. However, it grew so active that the lack of football action was ignored as every eye on the barge was directed at it. It shook violently, even hopping up and down from time to time. At one point, a small explosion went off inside, though the cardboard did not show any signs of damage. Suddenly, the box began to shake wildly, rocking around, falling on its side, and jumping up and down. Then just as it got to its most frantic point, it calmed.

What happened next caused the Bureaucrats to move their desks several meters forwards, turn them around, and use them as cover, while Miss Harthswipe hurried from the pitch, complaining that s/he could not afford to have her/his make-up ruined, and sent the Hat Stand cowering behind the Oglethorpian keeper. The referee, hiding behind a nearby trash pile, nervously blew the whistle, ending the match, while the remaining spectators fled from the smell, flies, and the strange box. Both teams left, leaving the box on the deck, still doing what had inspired such fear in The Team.

From the confines of the box, a faint tapping noise could be heard.

Assegai Developments

17-04-2007, 23:21

“A good evening to you and yours, wherever you may be, this is Mikaela Eyre reporting live from the lobby of The Great Cathedral—adjacent to Cathedral Park—which is now brimming with supporters of Assegai and several others who traveled up from The Lowland Clans to back their squad,” she says wiping a lock of her red hair.

She turns to the crowd, which erupts into a loud chant.

Valendia Road, take me home
To the place, I belong;
To Cathedral Park, to see Assegai
Take me home, Valendia Road

The crowd claps and stomps loudly and begins marching into the stadium.

“The atmosphere here is one of much anticipation and anxiety,” Mikaela continues. “This being the first time these two teams meet, many are wondering if The Lowland Clans will uphold their lofty status as the No. 12-ranked team in NationStates, or if Assegai has one more of its famous upsets waiting in the wings. We spoke to team captain Ashley Riot earlier today and this is what he had to say…”

The video cuts to a shot of Riot in practice gear, wearing a Snapelicious Pizza Parlor bib.

“The Lowland Clans is one of those big squads that you look forward to facing,” he says. “Whenever you face a team of that caliber, it’s an opportunity to not only measure yourself and your progress, but to possibly, just maybe, steal some of their thunder and come away with a huge victory that will propel you to greater heights. If we lose, I hope that we go down fighting, but, if the opportunity presents itself, you can bet the farm that we will take it.”

The video cuts back to Mikaela, who is adjusting her ample breasts.

“Uh, we’re back, Mikaeala,” someone whispers off screen.

The red-headed beauty blushes and smiles but quickly regains her composure.

“Assegai Manager Sir Knight Edgard Zúniga didn’t have much to say when presenting his roster, other than he hoped it would be a good match that would not only entertain but would result in a victory for his squad,” she says. “That said, here is the roster for tonight’s big game.”

Goaltender
#42 Akihiko Yoshida – (Rinaldi Gunners, Elves Security Forces)

Defenders
#4 Francis Rowe – (Sutina Saints, Fort Europe)
#8 Romeo Guildenstern – (Ascama United, Fort Europe)
#22 Jan Rosencrantz - (Ascama United, Fort Europe)
#25 Stephen Maison – (Assegai Developments F.C.)

Midfielders
#31 Alys Spicer – (Matata Wanderers, Fort Europe)
#10 Ashley Riot (C) – (Assegai Developments F.C.)
#69 Fleur Delacour (Assegai Developments F.C.)

Forwards
#5 Severus Snape – (F.C. Capri, Elves Security Forces)
#33 Viktor Krum – (Assegai Developments F.C.)
#20 Samantha Neesa – (Char Sara Inferno, Elves Security Forces)

Reserves
GK #3 Callo Merlose – (Char Sara Inferno, Elves Security Forces)
GK #1 Winnefred Save – (Cathedral Spooks D.C.)
DEF #76 John Hardin – (D.S. Assegai)
DEF #70 Barnard Mallowburne – (S.C. Vagrant Hills)

DEF #7 John Müllenkamp – (Cathedral Phantoms F.C.)
DEF #2 A.J. Durai – (A.C. Leá Monde)
DEF #32 Anne Saye – (Fort Lakaria City, Fort Europe)
MID #56 Joshua Bardorba – (S.C. Vagrant Hills)
MID #13 Duke Bardorba – (S.C. Vagrant Hills)
MID #32 Agatha Denys – (A.C. Leá Monde)
MID #45 Duane Grissom – (Kibuye F.C., The Interahamwe)
FWD #8 Ursula Goode – (Cathedral Phantoms F.C.)
FWD #11 Sidney Losstarot – (Mar Sara Flames, Elves Security Forces)
FWD #9 Dominic Saint-Émilion – (Rinaldi Gunners, Elves Security Forces)
FWD #18 Stephen de Cobham – (Assegai Developments F.C.)

“The squad is the same we have seen thus far in the last few matches, so expect Assegai to try to limit The Lowland Clans’s shots on goal and scoring opportunities with that smothering defense,” she says. “That is all for now from The Great Cathedral. Most of the fans that were in the lobby have now made their way into Cathedral Park, and we are less than 30 minutes away from the beginning of this historic first encounter between The Lowland Clans and Assegai Developments. Reporting live, this is Mikaela Eyre signing off. See you after the game!”

Tonight’s Match

(34) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/assegai_developments.png Assegai Developments

VS
(12) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/the_lowland_clans.png The Lowland Clans

@ Cathedral Park, Leá Monde, Assegai
Capacity: 75,000

Bazalonia

17-04-2007, 23:57

Bye day for the Bazalonians, though that didn't mean the team stayed still they had gone to Cafundeu, home of the Landau Institute.

However something else was on Peter's Mind, Joseph he had dissappeared in Atheistic Right and he was concerned about him, and there was good reason for the concern, considering what was happening in Atheistic Right at this time.

...

His eyes opened, it was dark, so dark that he could just about see as much as he could when his eyes where closed. He was tied up onto a chair, his hands tied behind the back of the chair. Still a bit groogy from whatever happened he groaned and then he heard a click, a bight light shined right into his eyes. Grimacing, there was now no doubt that indeed his eyes were open, they were.

Many various questions were thrown at him, and he asked basically truthfully, the questions came in quick and fast, it went so fast and he could not infact remember the questions that they asked nor the answers he gave.

There was the sound of the lights getting turned off and then feat shuffling, moving about in the room. A door was open and the ambient light from the corridor silhoutted 4 figures as they left the room. An indeterminate time later the door opened again, he had gotten used to the lack of light, the open door almost glared, once again providing Silhouttes. For the first time someone spoke to Joseph as an equal, "You want some information, we need some help. You help us and we will help you."

"What do you know..." Joseph started before being interrupted "We will tell you what you want to know after you help us."

"so what.." once again started Joseph but was interrupted "What do we want you to do... well, I think perhaps it's better if we show you."

They trailed off. The lights were turned on and for the first time after trying to get used to the light he saw the faces of the 4 people that go him. There were 2 men and 2 women.

"It's you!" exclaimed Joseph.

"Yes it is...." one of them said...

Cafundeu

18-04-2007, 01:08

OLHO NO LANCE! YOUR SPORTS MAGAZINE
SHORT MATCH REPORT MADE BY SÍLVIO RUIZ
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

FRIENDLY IN THE TRAINING CENTRE

http://www1.folha.uol.com.br/folha/galeria/images/20051103-flamengo.jpg
Léo Mattos scored a goal

I'm back, although for just one game! Today Cafundéu's players had a friendly against Bazalonia, but were defeating. Some say that it happened because we played at home, others say that it was because the players wanted to go to the beach fast, and others just admit that Cafundéu was the worse team and didn't play well. Different views, but all of them knew that the 3x1 result wasn't the best one for the Monopolists.

But the game was useful, especially for the coach David Nefasto, who was able to test some new players and strategy styles. As the friendly was played in the training centre, few supporters were able to see the game, giving more freedom to the players. Few fouls were seen, and only two yellow cards, so this was a disciplined game.

In the first minutes of the game, the teams only changed passes in the midfield, warming up to play the game. Cafundéu had the first attack with Renário, who received the ball inside the area and shot. But it wasn't a good shot and the ball went over the bar. Later, Bazalonia attacked with Assington, who passed the ball to Ricky Yunn. Becão tackled him.

After some minutes, some dark clouds appeared, and some players got worried, as they wouldn't want a rain. In the game, Thomas Yunn dribbled Kirs, crossed the ball to the area and Myfanwy headed to score the first goal of the game. All that the players could hear was some shy claps in the stands, as few supporters were watching the game.

Cafundéu replied with Heitor, who shot from outside the area. Kanga made a very good save. But Cafundéu was able to score in the last minutes of the second half. Léo Mattos received the ball from Anormal in the right wing and was going to cross it to the area. But the goalkeeper Kanga slided and fell on the ground. Seeing that, Léo decided to shoot, and scored the goal of the host team. The first half ended 1x1.

After halftime, lots of changes in both teams. David Nefasto changed three players, and Hobble changed two. With different line-ups and formations, the second half was ready to start. But the players had to wait some time, as the referee had a problem: the cheese sandwich that he ate obligated him to go to the bathroom during halftime. After twenty minutes, Soares returned and was able to whistle again.

The first minutes of the second half were boring, and not too many chances were seen. The best ones of each team were: one in the third minute for Cafundéu, when Dário dribbled Xia Chia and passed the ball to Kemp, who shot. The ball hit the bar and left the playing field. For Bazalonia, Assington made a perfect pass to Hampstead. The attacker shot, but missed the goal.

A slow-paced game was played during thirty minutes, something normal for a friendly, but something that the supporters weren't expecting to happen. They asked for a goal, and Assington gave it to them. Fjord crossed the ball to him, who headed with an incredible accuracy, scoring the goal. Five minutes later, Alemão fouled Assington inside the area. Penalty. Hampstead took it, and Matogrosso made a fantastic save.

The game was reaching its and, and the dark clouds seemed even more threatening. In the last minute of the game, Richards shot. Alemão headed the ball before it went to the goal. It went to the entrance of the area, and McKade was able to hit it with strength, giving no chances to the goalkeeper and scoring Bazalonia's goal.

When the referee ended the game, some players ran to the dressing room to change their clothes and go to the beach, to enjoy their rest day. As the best players of the team did already leave the game, the reporters had to interview the coach and minor players. Nefasto said: "It was an interesting game. We lost, but the most important is that I could make some changes in the team that can be applied soon".

One of the few players that stayed in the field after the game, the goalkeeper Matogrosso said: "As I'm the third goalkeeper, I'm glad to have the chance to play this game. Maybe I don't get another chance". The left-back José Carlos, called Zé by the supporters, said: "This game was very nice, as some players who had no opportunities could play, and because the coach can see our talents".

Nearly one hour after the game, nearly all the players had to leave the beach after a heavy rain started. Cafundéu's official scout was in the game, and it's supposed to have a talk with some players in the near future, maybe even from Bazalonia. Until now, Cafundéu only announced talks with players from Milchama, Squornshelous and a still unknown deal with Wentland.

http://img69.imageshack.us/img69/5047/bjuv11paugolpaubz4.jpg
Hampstead misses a penalty in the last minutes of the game

CAFUNDÉU 1x3 BAZALONIA

Place: CCFM Training Centre, in Lasft.
Attendance: 3500 people.
Referee: Jorge Soares (Zwangzug).
MOTM: Quentin Assington (Bazalonia).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Matogrosso, Léo Mattos, Kirs (Zé Carlos 75'), Becão (Anormal 75') and Alemão; Priotto (Gaúcho 68'), Dário and Kliek (Kimball 45'); Heitor (Barbosa 45'), Ijak (Kemp 45') and Renário.
Coach: David Nefasto.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/bazalonia.png BAZALONIA: Kanga, Markus (Kang 80'), LeRock, Xia Chia (McKade 60') and Fjord; Myfanwy (Bishop 60'), Assington and T.Yunn (Prefect 45'); Richards, Hampstead and R.Yunn (Smith 45').
Coach: Peter Hobble (Caine Hawdon not present).

Goals:CAF: Léo Mattos 40'.
BAZ: Myfanwy 22' , Assington 79' , McKade 89'.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cafundéu - formation for game against Atheistic Right: Durepox, Léo Mattos, Kirs, Becão and Sávio Ferrari; Anormal, Priotto, Dário and Kliek; Heitor and Ijak.
Coach: David Nefasto
Style of +2

Match's Referee: Jorge Soares (Zwangzug).

Alasdair I Frosticus

18-04-2007, 01:17

[OOC - D'oh... wrong nation.... This is of course an Archregimancy RP]

THE MONASTIC TIMES

MONKS WIN BIG AGAIN
Ass-Chasing Controversy Threatens to Overshadow Victory

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

Two things are certain this qualifying campaign. The first is that Fr. Silouan of the Seventy Caves and Fr. Innocent of Ariddia are playing each game as if fired by the Holy Spirit, with Commerce Heights JSY the latest to fall victim to the brilliantly on-form forwards. This time it was Fr. Innocent's turn to score a hattrick, with Fr. Silouan contributing a brace of his own. The two forwards have, amazingly, scored all of the national team's 18 goals this campaign, with Fr. Silouan contributing 10, and Fr. Innocent 8. On present form, the heathens and heretics on opposing teams seem to find them unstoppable, though team officials were said to not be taking success for granted, especially given opposing substitute forward 문황동's two late consolation goals for JSY. "We can't afford to be seen slacking off", said a senior archimandrite, speaking on condition of anonymity.

The second certainty this campaign is that the ass-chasing controversy threatens to completely overshadow the team's extraordinary success. This time, kick-off was delayed by three hours as members of MAADE (the Monastic Association Against Donkey Exploitation) invaded the pitch during the warm up, and proceeded to hold the Divine Liturgy of St. Basil in front of the home goal. Security officials refused to move the MAADE members for fear of committing blasphemy during the most ornate of Orthodox services, especially since the entire home team felt compelled to give their full attention to the liturgy.

The Commerce Heights JSY coach was surprisingly sympathetic to the fiasco, stating "local authorities must deal with these situations as they see best, and as long as my team's safety isn't threatened, I wouldn't dare tell Archregimancy security forces how to do their job", before leading his team to the shade of a nearby olive grove for some gentle stretching exercises.

The MAADE members left the field following the completion of their liturgy, but threaten to hold similar demonstrations prior to the beginning of each Archregimancy home match unless the ass-chasing training regime is brought to an end. "We won't be following them to Northern Bettia, however" said a senior MAADE hieromonk, speaking on condition of anonymity "as we entirely agree with the Holy Synod's recently announced decision to ban all visiting fan travel to that depraved heathen pit of cheating and hooliganism on safety grounds."

Rumours meanwhile continue to fly over the nature of the reciprocal gift recently sent to the squad by those generous, if sadly heathen, souls in the Wentland FA, particularly given the general bafflement over what a "10 inch black latex tower of power" might consist of. Coach Fr. David the Water Drinker declined to elaborate, merely stating that "I can quite assure you that, in this case, 'Black Beauty' has nothing to do with horses, and that 'hung like a donkey' doesn't seem to mean quite the same thing in Wentland as it does here."

Estresse Intenso

18-04-2007, 01:31

Once again, Doctor Rogério Landau had to see his team losing. This time against the offensive team of Bettia. With respect for them, Estresse Intenso abandoned using its third special kit and returned to use the first kit for the game.

DR. LANDAU - "Oh, no! Another loss! This isn't fair!"

DR. SABIN - "What you were expecting. It was Bettia, the title holder of the World Cup!"

DR. LANDAU - "I'm not sad about Bettia's game. It's about our overall campaign. I was expecting more than that."

DR. SABIN - "I understand."

DR. LANDAU - "Yes. The bad thing is that today I have nothing to commemorate, and I don't want to commemorate nothing too. So, I'll have a boring day."

DR. SABIN - "Believe me, boss. It's better. You'll see that you'll soon be fine."

DR. LANDAU - "Thanks for saying that. But look at the newspaper":

http://img.terra.com.br/i/2007/02/15/462093-3282-ga.jpg

ANOTHER LOSS

Estresse Intenso lost another game, this time against the Number 1 of the
world, Bettia. A expected loss, but this will make Estresse Intenso's road to
the World Cup much more difficult

DR. SABIN - "Yes, this doesn't seem good."

Zwangzug

18-04-2007, 02:04

Zwangzug's e-Lipogram
Zwangzug's billionth unit of population was born, not today, but that day for which today is its tomorrow. This occasion was not all that cool for his family, though, as it counts in binary, not by 10. Said this baby: "Bluh."

In sports:
Psychotically or not, Zwangzug's football squad lost 3-1 to Group 7's top as of now. Two first-half goals from opposing forward Ctibor took a significant toll. Olson could rally, though, scoring in half two. Pschycho Vilho also got a goal, making it 3-1.

Jeruselem

18-04-2007, 02:45

Jeruselem Government News

Moany's replacement named in Jeruselem team

After the Jeruselem FA officially announced current Jeruselem captain was out of the World Cup 34 due to a broken knee, her replacement has been announced. A female named "Dazza Deux", an employee of Jeruselem Cybernetics Corporation is new player. The corporation refused to say if Dazza Deux was human or not but they said she was a female.

Monique Alexander vowed to returned to football after her current predicament "I'll be back, I'm taking time off but I'm not giving up my career. My friend Dazza has suffered the same injury, so I know what to expect now. I know my knee will not be same after recovery but I'll be back."

Assistant coach Kate said "Great, so when I ask for Dazza - I'm going to get three Dazzas"

Rashina Dallas was named Vice Captain and Dazza will replace Monique in THE FOOTBALL LIFE as Monique needs to stay home to recover.

Kiryu-shi

18-04-2007, 03:56

Kiryu-shi Loses Tight Game at Home; Several Stars Playing Ill

By Michio Hibbert

Sakaino, Kiryu-shi The Kiryu-shi Dragon’s lost against Northern Caesarea to rack up their third loss in five games, a depressing start for the team that came into the World Cup hot off an undefeated Baptism of Fire. The entire team seems weary after playing so many intense games in both tournaments, and the wear and tear of international travel and international games seems to be catching up to the young and inexperienced team. A few players seemed under the weather in the home match, including, most noticeably, Pat Mayberry, who seemed slow and lethargic as he struggled to assert himself on the pitch. His presence as an offensive threat was missed greatly, as Kiryu-shi barely managed to get any chances against their opponents.

____The focus at the beginning of the match was clearly on defense, as Kiryu-shi started without right side back Isaac Levi, who was out due to a red card in a previous match. Backup defender Orson Wells was also suspended, leaving Martin Jones as the replacement. Jones is a quick and athletic defender, but has very little sense of positioning, and is technically unsound. He doesn't posses the speed of Levi, or the instincts of Wells. Jones had to primarily defend the opposing left winger, Márquez, who out preformed Jones in every aspect of the game, most noticeably when Márquez started quick and creative passes to get open room on the wing. This created the first goal of the match in the 22nd minute, when Márquez, after beating Jones down the sideline, kicked a low cross to the “Bulldozer”, Northern Caesarea forward Toledo, who had gotten open using his girth to get in front of defenders. His shot would’ve missed wide, but defender Doug LeBlanc had raced over to block the shot, and it bounced off his knee to the other forward, Urrutikoetxea, who knocked it into the net easily. The score stayed the same until halftime, as the Kiryu-shi defense tightened up even more, with the midfielders staying back

____The second half started off the same as the first half ended, with Kiryu-shi unable to mount any type of decent attack. The midfield was completely unable to advance the ball, and Garret McGee wasn’t showing any kind of playmaking spark at all. The Northern Caesarea squad didn’t get too many chances either, but they continually held the ball. The Kiryu-shi attackers didn’t have any life in them, and the game ended at one-nil.

____Kiryu-shi will look forward to their first bye week next, as they try to recover and get some rest to try to get back in contention to put some pressure on the top teams in their group. Mayberry is being treated by doctors, but it apparently isn’t anything serious, and with a lot of rest this week, we should be back at full strength in Kiryu-shi’s match at Estresse Intenso. Although there is some controversy regarding vague allegations made by Estresse Intenso officials of Kiryu-shi accepting payments from Baptism of Fire hosts Cafundéu, Kiryu-shi press releases have steadily denied the reports, and maintains neutrality in the dispute between the two nations.

Elves Security Forces

18-04-2007, 08:14

Elven Times
Running Free

The squad arrived in Quintessance of Dust expecting a real tight affair, and were hoping to come out with a point if possible. While the win was on the agenda, everyone on the squad felt that at least a point would be an acceptable result. After all, this was the same squad that battled greatly for a spot in the Proper last tournament, and just did miss out. Given their reputation for being competitive, all things considered good were expected to be the mere draw for the Marauders. Appearntly Kiso Night must not of been paying attention, as the young elf simply went off on the oppisition, and is looking better than his farther ever did in his prime. The impressive youngster not only had the calmly finishing to put two in for his own account, but had both assists on the other two goals in the game. Now it might just be some national bias here, but if this lad keeps up this kind of pace, he might well just become the best player in the World.

Another face that performed well for the squad was back up keeper, Jacob St. Louis, the younger brother of Martin, who is the starting keeper. A well knowned player in the EPL, for the highly popular FC Capri, Jacob was getting his first CAP despite being on last tournaments' roster. The younger of the brothers showed good reflexes and anticipiation in his four save performance, and had a ball skip in off a well placed shot from a free kick to be the only thing that beat the lad. The goal didn't dent his confidence any as he was able to make a key stop just minutes later to keep the two goal cushion before the final tally was made to close out the game minutes later.

Kiso's first assist came when Constant and Ceullar made a good play along the sidelines to depossess a defender. Constant then scooped up the loose ball and got it to Kiso who was coming down the middle of the pitch. As the elf took it in, and dribbled through a marker, he wasn't able to spin off his second. However, somehow retaining possession, he sent a clever little ball towards the end line that Cuellar was first to and put a stellar first touch on the ball that the keeper managed to get a hand to, but his punch just sent the ball right into the side netting with the enthusastic midfielder more than happy to collect his tally.

That goal seemed to break the flood gates, as Kiso would find himself in a prime scoring oppurtunity just seven minutes afterwards. This time he was the recipeant of his own hussle as he had stripped the ball from a defender that was taking a dangerously long time to clear the ball. When Kiso rushed him, the defenders clearance went straight off the jumping elf's head and oddly into the netting despite the keeper having good position on the odd scoring play. Jannian would spot the youngin' a final time off an extravagant free kick from forty yards out, that seemed like a precision rocket launch off his foot, onto the waiting foot of Night, and straight through the legs of the keeper and riding up the net for a half time lead of a comfortable three nil.

The offence stalled slightly in the second half, with credit having to go to the Dust side, who stepped up to defend the honor of their home pitch. They were the better squad for the first thirty minutes of the half, but they couldn't pinch the nerves of the backline, even after their tally. Night would team up with Constant on a two on one breakaway in the eighty-fourth minute, where the young Night showed maturity by making the smart move in drawing out the keeper before making the last minute pass to Constant, who would of died of embarrassment had he not hit the open net in front of him for one of the easiest goals a player will ever get in their careers.

"Well I think this win shows that we are definately now hitting our top form and are settled into the formation. Soler has been real good about not trying to force us into it too quickly, but the lads and lasses have really taken a liking to it and him, and are responding by the results out there on the pitch. Honestly, I think this is a sign of how good of quality our region has when it comes to footy. I mean, we're top of our group, Fort Europe is battling hard and has a good chance for third, while Assegai might even pull an automatic qualifier. That's what I like about Assegai, they always are in it, even if the world says they should not be. I know many of my fans would love to say I don't like them, but when we are not playing against them, you just can't help but cheer for them. Afterall, many of their players represent some of the most storied and winningest franchises in our top flight." were the words of Kiso Night when asked about what this win does for the squad.

The squad was supposed to have a bye day after this important victory, to rest some of the tired legs and heal up the few nicks and bruises a few of the players had accumulated. However, wanting to get some game time training in for the reserves, Soler used his Atlantian Oceania connections to set up a friendly with Quakmybush. He also managed to convince the ESF to allow the game to be played in Char Sara, at the Tar Pit, instead of the normal national team stadium of the Hatire Memorial. In front of a packed house, a mixture of reserves and first teamers took on the Quakmybush squad, and while each squad performed well enough for the win, it would be reserve striker Nikali Rikard who would net an injury time winner in the friendly to keep the Marauders unbeaten record alive, even if the result does not count towards qualification.

Elves Security Forces 4
Rick Cuellar (31)
Kiso Night (38)
Kiso Night (42)
Justinian Constant (84)

Quintessance of Dust 1
Midfielder #3 (73)

----------------------------
Friendly
Elves Security Forces 2
Liliam Kries (27)
Nikali Rikard (90+)

Quakmybush 1
Jon Fields (39)

Article by Luna Santapa

Demot

18-04-2007, 09:01

Dairy Entry 005

Hello my good people, countrymen, friends, and whoever else might be enjoying this edition of my World Cup blog. Today I come before you a bit humbled, as well as slightly disturbed. Recent events in my country, particuarly that of a story about a mass murder have me on my usual question podium of humanity. But then today, as I was trying to sort through the emotions that I've been going through since I heard the story, I began to feel a different feeling. Instead of being angry, empathetic, or upset over the incident, I felt more like I had a duty to go out and prove that indeed humanity is not as sick and twisted as some of its members make it seem. I felt this tug at my insides to make good on my promises to family, friends, and supporters to give back more to the community. Though I have made pledges and donated significant amounts of money to chairty, never before had I been out there in the slums where families were having to live without running water and their roofs collapsing on in them. When I was taken on this tour by the Orange Guard and Sheild faculty, it made me realise just how bad things can get if you are not granted the best of circumstances. I never would of believed these kind of conditions were possible, coming from a decent off family that always had food, shelter, and a sense of security. As a result, I, along with many members of the Dynamo, will be starting a new fund and effort to help put these families who are near the bottom of the barrel back on their feet, and give them a place to call home that is safe, secure, and full of the basic neccessities of life. Each of us will be assisting in the building of these apartments or whatever you wish to call them, and will be donating however much it takes to keep these families above water until they can provide for thier own once again. Some may say to let these people fend for themselves, and that we are dipping too much towards the left with these actions. I say to them that this is the true measure of a persons character, is how they treat those worse off than them, even if they are not much better off themselves.

~ David Masteron

Fort Europe

18-04-2007, 10:16

"Good morning football fans, I'm Aby Watcher back at The Commonwealth Stadium to give you the latest news ahead of today's match in the NationStates World Cup Group 11 qualifier as Fort Europe take on the might of Schiavonia, and give you the gossip from Mekhule who take on the extremely random randomness of randomly Random Toast in a friendly match during their bye day.

Fort Europe have started this tournament with a mixture of form resulting in two good wins against two of the group's toughest sides, a defeat to the group's worst side and a draw with Random Toast. Therefore it is expected that today's match at home to Schiavonia will be a crucial game likely to prove just how much or little luck Fort Europe truly have. Remember Fort Europe have failed to qualify for the last two consecutive World Cup finals by the thinest of margins leaving some fans wondering if the national side will ever qualify for the big time. Schiavonia you will remember was drawn in the same group as Fort Europe in the last World Cup qualifiers also and were practically unstoppable beating the Commonwealth nation by two goals to one in both legs.

Manager Shaun Miller believe however that this time Fort Europe have the edge they need to turn those results around and take the three points from Schiavonia today. Miller who is in his first major tournament as boss of the national side after replacing Stuart Moss earlier this cycle said in a press interview yesterday that his team had never looked more focused on a match than they are now and doubted that the team would fail to pick up at least one point against Group 11's top team. Starlet Michelle Bishop returns to the starting line up after a few days off with a stomach virus as the only change to Miller's side.

Meanwhile there has been uproar in Mekhule after the Commonwealth Sports Council demanded that four Mekhulian players be suspended following their actions last week. The four players in question are reported to have participated in a mass orgy in a Fort Elizebethan following hotel after Mekhule's match at home against Northern Bettia. The girls probably would have got away with what they say was some harmless fun if a video of the event had not made it's way onto the internet.

The video, which first appeared on the Mekhulian supporters forum mektastic.me.com shows the naked forms of twenty two cycle old goalkeeper Sasha Bry along with fellow team mates Rhiannon Breeze, Aby Ubeck and Jessica Gonomire participating in various forms of sexual intercourse with up to fifteen members of Northern Bettia's infamous Yuna Crew, their most loyal and most rowdy gang of fans. It was all captured by several hidden cameras that had apparently been set up in the hotel room by members of the Yuna Crew. The website is said to have had a record three hundred million hits since the video appeared two days ago.

Despite the Commonwealth Sports Council's demands, national team manager Khan Revanna refused to with draw his four young players from the squad saying that their actions were perfectly legal and the girls should be allowed to unwind after a tough football match any way they choose. His sentiments were also echoed by team captain Oliver Cloazov who stated that footballers have as much right to participate in such activities as anyone else and he only wished that the girls had thought to invite him along as well. We believe Khan Revanna would have said the same had his wife not been sat in the same room.

Anyway, with both matches due to kick off in just an hours time that is all I have time for as I must go and take my seat for the game. Good luck to both nations and I'll be back with a full round up of todays events later this evening. This is Aby Watcher reporting live for the Commonwealth News Service."

*The screen shifts back to the studio news desk.*

"Thank you Aby, now the rest of the main sports news again. Bovingtonian national footballer Gabriel Griffin was arrested last night after assaulting a supporter following an away match, The Commonwealth Sports Council have said they are expecting positive results from today's health and safety inspection of the new national Ice Hockey stadium, and former Fort Europe international midfielder Edowine Sanjuan has decided to hang up her boots for the last time after giving birth to her second daughter in the early hours of this morning.

Ariddia

18-04-2007, 10:35

Verily, this is the RP cut-off for MD6; results here (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12556308&postcount=7).

Errinundera

18-04-2007, 11:49

News item from the Fanny Moo (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Fanny_Moo) Examiner On-Line (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Fanny_Moo_Examiner_On-Line)

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/examiner.gif

WOMBATS AMOK

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/diprotodon.jpg

The World Cup 34 qualifying match at Ootopia Forest (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera%27s_NSWC_Football_Grounds#Ootopia_Forest) here in Fanny Moo (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Fanny_Moo) was reduced to chaos today for over two hours when 300 sniffer wombats (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Sniffer_Wombat) went on a rampage. One visiting Swilatian (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Swilatia) player has lacerations to his ankle and a member of the visiting entourage has a broken arm from a partial collapse of the team room, caused by the unrestrained wombats. More serious injuries, including 2 deaths, were received by Errinundrian (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera) fans who tried to protect the players from the attacking marsupials. Red-faced officials are holding urgent meetings with their Swilatian counterparts in an attempt to avoid a major international incident. In a sign of how seriously Errinundera (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera) is treating the matter iveitu, the Protector of Overseas Affairs, has been leading the meetings.

“It all began with a tip-off that the visiting team would try to play in leather boots,” says Errinundera Football Association (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera_Football_Association) president, ermainegree, “so we got in touch with Sniffer Wombat Handlers Union and asked them to send some wombats with their handlers to the ground. We didn’t expect over 300 to turn up. We had promised them free admission so we could hardly go back on our word.”

Local organiser of the SWHU, ontaskmed, admitted that when he received the invitation he sent text messages to all the handlers in the Ootopia (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ootopia) region. “They said that any handlers would be given free admission if they brought their wombats. This was an offer too good to refuse. If you were given the opportunity to see the Potoroos in action for nix wouldn’t you go?”

The wombats were spread around the ground prior to the start of play. When the players ran onto the pitch the wombats went beserk. “You don’t argue with a sniffer wombat (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Sniffer_Wombat) when they smell leather,” says experienced handler, utathewa. “Even though they are trained from an early age to restrain themselves, the smell of so much leather sent them into a frenzy. They broke from the handlers and smashed through the boundary fence. They just went for the Swilatian players who didn’t have any idea the grave danger they were in.”

Fortunately for the visiting team the Errinundrian (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera) fans were all too aware of the danger and bravely rushed the pitch to protect the visitors. One fan was severely mauled and another was trampled. Both died before they could reach hospital. Swilatia (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Swilatia) defender Falaja Tiskane received a sprained and lacerated ankle when a wombat tried to eat one of the boots he was wearing. “What sort of stupid country is this?” complained Tiskane in a post-match news conference. “You try to influence the result by attacking our team with man-eating marsupials?”

Local fan, acificsta, was one of the spectators who tackled the wombats. “Luckily, thousands of fans ran on to the pitch. The whole Swilatian (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Swilatia) team could have been massacred. As it was it took thousands to restrain the wombats. This could have been really ugly.”

A large group of the sniffer wombats (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Sniffer_Wombat) sensed the presence of significant amounts of leather in the visitors’ change rooms and charged. utathewa: “When 100 sniffer wombats run at a reinforced concrete wall it’s no contest. They are going to go straight through. Luckily most of the officials had accompanied the players onto the field. Some staff, however, were still in the rooms. Nearby fans desperately warned them to get out. One unfortunate woman was caught by collapsing debris and was badly hurt.”

The match was re-started two hours later, after suitable microfibre footwear had been found for the visitors. Swilatia (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Swilatia) went on to win the match 2 (carltu 7, rosaniel (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Rosaniel) 60) – 3 (34, 57 & 72).

After the match, sniffer wombat (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Sniffer_Wombat) alkstrai was reported to have commented (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Animal_Languages) that Tiskane's leg tasted almost as good as his boots.

Fort Europe

18-04-2007, 13:34

VIN'ULT ULU TAU SCHIAVONIA
HAIL TO THEE SCHIAVONIA

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/Football/WC%2034/34045.jpg
Peltsten in tears over defeat

Fort Europe - 3 - V - 4 - Schiavonia

Report by Amy Bystander, Commonwealth News.

Never before at the Commonwealth Stadium have we been shown such a master class of footballing prowess as was displayed here today. Schiavonia may be the to side in Group 11 and high up in the NationStates world rankings but Fort Europe were every bit as skillful and more than capable of matching their opponents today. The Sloths arrived here knowing Fort Europe to be tough competition after their two previous meetings in the last World Cup qualifiers and were not to be disappointed.

The match kicked of and was conducted at a fast pace with both keepers seeing action in the opening minutes, but it was Chris Howard in the Schiavonia goal who faltered first as Andy Fletcher's solo run down the right wing provided a low cross for Michelle Bishop who wasted no time in shooting with her back to goal and found the unguarded top left corner leaving Howard scratching his head. Their early lead didn't last long though, Andy Fletcher collected his second yellow card of these qualifiers giving the visitors a freekick in a dangerous position. The freekick found the head of Colin Chester, but James West in goal was more than equal to the shot and parried clear to the feet of inexperienced youngster Curzon Thyre. Thyre failed to clear quickly enough and was caught in possession by Paul Moston who was left with a practically empty net, and didn't waste the opportunity to tap it in with his left foot.

What followed next was nothing short of a perfect display of attacking and defensive play as both sides fought to take control of the match, with cheering fans from both nations mesmerized by what they were seeing. The deadlock only lasted until the thirty fifth minute though when Karl Isaak was set free from the defense from a counter attack. Isaak ran all of twenty five yards into the Sloths penalty area and sent Chris Howard sprawling with a skillful trick more common on the training ground than an international match. He flicked the ball from the toe of his right foot onto the heal of his left, chipping it over both his own head and the stunned Chris Howard before volleying the ball into the open goal net, which allowed the home side to go in at the break leading by a single goal.

The second half started in much the same way as the first; fast paced football with a mixture of skilled control and precision passing, and for the second time in the match Schiavonia pulled it back to draw level with their hosts, Paul Moston scoring his second of the match with his head from a Matthew Tilda cross. Once again Fort Europe drove back at their opponents but once again Michelle Bishop's sixty eighth minute strike for the Angels was nullified by Paul Moston's third of the match for the Sloths, this one struck cleanly with his right foot to provide his best goal of the match and completed his hat-trick bring the scores level again for the third time in this match.

Towards the end of the match Curzon Thyre received a booking after leaving Niall O'Henry clutching his ankle on the floor. O'Henry had to be helped off the pitch which prompted the referee's assistant to display at the end of normal time a total of three minutes of stoppage time to be added on at the end of the match. It is therefore unsurprising why after five minutes of stoppage time having been played many of the home supporters were on their feet booing and hurling abuse at the referee, which was by no means helped when Alan Tiss hit the most spectacular shot of the day from Paul Moston's cross.

The powerful volley struck the underside of the crossbar so hard the entire net shook violently. The ball bounced on the line before returning to hit the crossbar again, this time the angle was more favorable to the visiting side and the ball ended up in the back of the net. The referee didn't wait for the restart to blow his whistle and end the match amidst protests from several unhappy Fort European players. The Angels and their fans will feel extremely hard done by after their efforts in this match, the winning goal coming after six minutes of time added onto normal play in the second half.

PLAYER RATINGS
(Out of 10)

6 - James West
7 – Murphy Lee
6 – Shaun Pearson
6 – Floe Peltsten
6 – Mia Nevola
5 – Curzon Thyre []
6 – Andy Fletcher []
7 – Ryan Holmes (C)
6 – Ethan Jatzi
8 - Michelle Bishop (6,64)
7 - Karl Isaak (35)

SUBS

- - Tom Reas
6 - Mike Young (On for Pearson (45))
- – Katherine Keller
7 – Will Ingue (On for Jatzi (75))
- - Josephine Blanchard

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/Football/WC%2034/34043.jpg
The players head for a well deserved half time break

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/Football/WC%2034/34041.jpg
Paul Moston celebrates with Colin Chester and Jerry Berry

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/SgtShezz/Football/WC%2034/34044.jpg
Alan Tiss provides a wonder strike

Jeruselem

18-04-2007, 13:38

<Dinkie Dosha and Dazza Dallas>

Dazza: Dazza's back! Because Monique Alexander is out of the team due to her broken knee.
Dinkie: And I'm Dinkie Dosha, this is THE FOOTBALL LIFE.
Dazza: As you all know, during the game with HURD - Monique broke her left knee and can't play. Even standing is hard work, so she can't host this show. Dazza's doing the overtime.
Dinkie: Sent your best wishes to Monique on her web site, the one with naked pictures ... not Dazza's web site.

Dazza: You maybe asking who is this Dazza Deux. Not Dazza Dallas or Folkstia. Let's make her welcome!

<A woman who looks identical to Dazza except most of her limbs are metallic appears>

Dazza: This is Dazza Deux, my cybernetic clone!
Deux: Hi everyone.
Dazza: OK, what you exactly? A robot, human or cyborg?
Deux: Cyborg - part human, part robot.

Dinkie: So, what parts of you are human?
Deux: My head, body and reproductive organs - the rest of me is cybernetic.
Dinkie: What's your real name?
Deux: Hilary Deux, but I'm more like Dazza now.

Dazza: Can you have kids?
Deux: Yes, but it'd probably kill me - I can have kids if someone else gets pregnant instead of me using my eggs.
Dazza: And your face and hair, that's plastic surgery?
Deux: Yes, I lost my real face a long time ago. I've got your face, and I like it. Perfect body too, I cannot complain about the model body I have.
Dazza: I see, very interesting. Let's get back to the football.

Dinkie: We played err, damn it!
Deux: Schorteskatascansolani
Dazza: Thanks, yes we played that team today. This time we didn't fail, we are back - after losing the game to the HURD and our captain. The Crusaders put them to the SWORD! We won FIVE ONE. We played for Moany, we win with style. Deux played here, so how was it?
Deux: I played OK, but not real good. I'm getting used playing football.

Dinkie: You did score a goal on debut which is good. I've never seen anyone kick a ball so hard.
Deux: well, these cybernetic limbs have a lot of power. I need to control them better.
Dinkie: Three Dazza's on one team, it that confusing?
Deux: I'm not Dazza, she is. There is only one real Dazza.

Dazza: Heh heh, Dazza Deux, Hikfie Dallas,Brother Haven, Rocky Pointy Stick and Chrissie Ronaldo scored for Jeruselem. Yes, Dazza's happy!

Dinkie: In other games, Ogelethorpia beat the HURD TWO ONE which is bit of shock for us consider we lost. Sel Appa pushed away a bunch Raging Pengiuns THREE NIL. We still lead the table and Sel Appa keeps 2nd as we like it. That's Group 6 with The Macabees having a bye but they probably need it considering their table position.

Dazza: Deux, you have a go at next results. See how Dazza you are.

Deux: World Cup champs Bettia had a Bettia day than Northern Caesarea, with a THREE ONE win. Yes, the Bettia steamroller is cruising along towards another cup despite losing one game so far. Looking good for Bettia, always scoring goals per game. And the LIONS roared, in Group 7. After a slow start, Nedalia smashed into ex-world cup champ Squornshelous and tore them to bits. A beautiful THREE ONE win to upset a rival to Jeruselem and Bettia. Nedalia aren't little puddy cats today, they are the new LIONS successors the Bedistan LIONS.

Dazza: Great job. In Group 3, Bettia are 2nd to Quakmybush who have won all their games. Northern Caesarea suffered their first loss and stay 3rd. Group 6, Oglethorpia have third behind us and Sel Appa. Yes, Oglethorpia with three wins - same points as Sel Appa. Group 7, Nedalia lead the table with Squornshelous 2nd. Qazox are 5th with recent losses. YAP YAP time.

Dinkie: All the talk is about Moany and well, broken knees.
Dazza: I know all about it, I've got two. How does one recover? Well, slowly. You have to take all stress off them until they heal up but don't test them until you know they won't break on your again. Take it slow, get into full training when there's no more pain. Err, the other Dazza here does not have this issue.
Deux: No, these legs are tough. I have no real arms and legs because I lost them in an accident, but my employer offered me a chance - and I took it. No looking back, I don't want to be a cripple all my life.

Dazza: That's it from the FOOTBALL LIFE. I'm Dazza, she's Dazza and that's Dinkie!
Deux: And ON YA BIKE!
Dazza: Good one.

Group 7
Nedalia 3 Squornshelous 1

Tynelia

18-04-2007, 14:10

Gina Gibbons: Hello everyone and welcome to Coach Chat, a regular part of the Tynelian News Networks dailty coverage of the sporting news you want to hear. With another world cup qualifier in the books its time to welcome back Coaches Adam Billington and Jim Tudor. Coach Marcus o’Meara was supposed to be here but seems to have missed today’s start time. In any case nice to se you both here today coaches.
Billington and Tudor: Thanks Gina.

Gibbons: So today was another shocker. The bye didn’t seem to help much as Tynelia fell again, this time to east Lithuania by a 2-1 score with Connor MacDougal getting the lone score for our team. This has to be a big surprise to both of you.

Tudor: Indeed, the team seemed flat out their on the pitch. Surprisingly Coach Masterson didn’t seem to have the team too motivated.

Billington: I wonder if the team’s perfect record against East Lithuania going into this match had the players going in feeling overconfident. They didn’t look good at all out there, while East Lithuania controlled things from the get go.

Gibbons: This is really a tight group. Almost at the halfway point and every team is within one win of each other.

Billington: Yup, sounds like we found the infamous ‘group of death’ everyone always tries to seek out each cup. Nobody’s out of it and no one is clear.

Tudor: West Pasco seems to be doing a quite good Quakmybush impersonation so far.

Billington: Yeah that would stick on in your memory wouldn’t it Jim. First unranked team to qualify for the cup first try and you ended up in their group.

Gibbons: Still you have to say it is a bit unusual for there to be a three way tie for first after five matches and neither of the top two seeds being one of them.

Billington and Tudor: <laugh loudly>

Billington: Oh not at all, Tynelia’s almost infamous for being in the oddest group finish almost every cup.

Tudor: Indeed its almost a tradition at this point.

Gibbons: So, you’re saying this isn’t anything to worry about?

Tudor: Not at all, it is a matter of deep concern for the team, a two game losing streak in such a short round of qualifiers is a serious threat. However I also have to say if there’s any nation that isn’t fazed by such unusual results it has to be Tynelia.

Gibbons: So how can the team recover against Yafor 2?

Billington: Well if it was me I’d make some changes in the starting lineup to shake things up. The offense has been very poor this cup, clearly the loss of Bill Jakes is showing here and all the pressure on young MacDougal in net seems to be getting to him since he has to be almost perfect for the team to win.
Tudor: I think perhaps just a keeper change for a match might be enough. Let Macdougal get his head together. We need him to be strong for the second half. This is a vital game for Tynelia. A loss to Yafor 2 and we’re five points back at the halfway point.

Billington Well Jim that’s why I think they need to shake up the attack as well. The goal keeping has been pretty good despite these losses, we just can’t score. Let Cadeon get the start for Masterson Jr. who has been very quiet this cup and consider bringing Elba in earlier. Some young legs out there to pressure the defense.

Tudor: Perhaps but I think that may be a panic move at this point to make that many changes for one match. You need the experience against the third seed, not the best time to send in the rookies.

Gibbons: I see you both can agree that changes need to be made but it’ll be Coach Masterson who will be making the final call. Any predictions to make before we sign off?

Billington: Well we did so well last time but sure. I say a 2-2 draw.

Tudor: Depnds on what unit Masterson sends out but I think this will be low scoring. 1-0 Tynelia.

Gibbons: Well thank you both for being here and perhaps Coach O’Meara will be able to join us next time. And next show, we’re going to have a poll for our viewers so tune in to see what we’re looking for your opinion on. Thanks for coming Adam and Jim.

Billington and Tudor: Anytime Gina.

<camera cuts to the TNN anchor>

Marcus O’Meara: <loudly as the anchor looks on uncomfortably> …so that’s why I think if these players ate more cheese or even went hungry before the game they’d have more energy out on the field. The power of cheese you know. Let me tell you son, when you’re 71 years old like I am you’ll appreciate having the energy to run around and do things on the field like these kids out there today. I can’t believe they lost again, it’s like the time we played those totally crazy folk back when I was coaching. Oh you should have seen the zany things those kids were doing….

<the anchorman starts drawing his hand across his throat begging the cameraman to kill the feed>

Qazox

18-04-2007, 17:57

QSPNFootball.com Match Report

QAZOX 2- Algal States 2

BOUGHT REFEREES??

That's the thought of most people in Qazox today as some how a 2-0 lead with 6 minutes left turned into a 2-2 draw after 2 very controversial calls in the waning moments of the match. 2 goals by Jonathon Sarafin early int he 2nd hald gave the team the lead, but a phantom handball in the 85th gave Algal States a penalty kink, which they lifted past Greg Wolfen. Wolfen then recieved a yellow card just 3 minutes later on a corner kick, when he supposedly tripped up an Algal player, durign the kick. Wolfen protested the foul and was carded, and the foul lead to another penalty kick, which also went in.

With only one more match before the end of the 1st half of qualifying, a 1-2-2 record does not bode well for Qazox as we are now 4 points out of 2nd and 3rd place. A win is needed over Nedalia, who currently lead the group. The match is away, while Qazox has done well, but it looks like it could be a long 4 years.

Scoring Summary:
QAZOX: Sarafin (7,8)- 49', 58'
Algal St.- 85' (pk), 89' (pk)

Estresse Intenso

18-04-2007, 20:03

After some bad results, that put Estresse Intenso a bit away from qualification, the team got a good result in the game against Gnejs, defeating them in their own ground. So, all the doctors and patients of the Landau Institute were happy, especially the president of the Institute, Doctor Rogério Landau.

DR. LANDAU - "Finally another victory. But, surely, losing to Gnejs would be a shock for us. They're clearly the worst team of the group."

DR. SABIN - "I agree, boss. We needed to win this game, as a negative result could seriously endanger our qualification hopes."

DR. LANDAU - "Are you still confident? Do you think that our players can qualify?"

DR. SABIN - "Why not? They're good players, and they're being treated by one of our best psychologists and coaches. They're in good hands, and I'm sure that they can get more good results, to try to get at least the third position in the group."

DR. LANDAU - "You're right. We need to keep our hopes, as we're in fourth already. We need to take only one more step forward. We can do that."

DR. SABIN - "The newspaper came. Let's see what they wrote":

http://img.terra.com.br/i/2007/02/01/454855-1573-ga.jpg

LANDAU INSTITUTE KEEP QUALIFICATION CHANCES

Estresse Intenso defeated Gnejs, playing away. The victory was very
important to Landau Institute's team, as the country goes to the fourth
place of the group, not many points away from Northern Caesarea. The goals
were scored by Gabalán (twice) and Manga. The team showed a good
attacking style and created some good chances. The goalkeeper Prunella
didn't have much work to do, so the game was pretty easy. No major
medicinal problems were seen (only Marinho, who had a vision).

Kiryu-Shi also denied that Cafundéu paid something for them to defeat
Estresse Intenso.

DR. LANDAU - "I liked the way that the newspaper wrote about our victory. Be Calm is the best newspaper of the country... and the only one."

DR. SABIN - "What about Cafundéu's payment to Kiryu-Shi?"

DR. LANDAU - "I believe on Kiryu-Shi. Maybe Cafundéu didn't pay them. But I'm sure that they want us to lose this game. Maybe they paid the referee, or the linesman, or the ball boy, or some of our players, or one of the doctors, or some supporters, or the police, or..."

DR. SABIN - "I understood, boss."

DR. LANDAU - "Good. But stop thinking about bad things. I'm going to commemorate our victory!"

Swilatia

18-04-2007, 20:39

Gazeta Swilajska
English Version

Today's match, against Errinundera, was one of the most choatic matches in world cup history, yet no cards were given. This may sound strange, but it's true. It all started a just a few minutes after the match start, when the Swilatian team decided to wear leather boots to the match, in a protest against Errininudera's "animal cruelty" laws.

Errinundera, actually crazy enough to enforce such arcane laws, encouraged players to bring wombats to the match. Then pretty soon, before anything really happened in the match, the wombats made their way to the playing field, in an attempt to eat the players, and severely injured. Also, many fans were injured, and some even killed, merely in an attempt to enforce animal rights nonsense.

However, after this, the maych was ent back in, and Swilatia had actually won, despite all this. Swilatia had 3 goals (Dąbrowski at 34, Rycerski at 57 and 72), and Errinundera had 2. (Carltu at 7, and Rosaniel 60). in fact, it can even be said that the wombat attack on the match had very little effect on the match, despite Tiskane's claims that it was an attempt by Errinundera to sway the match in their favour.

Zwangzug

18-04-2007, 21:44

Ghost Tigers Rise? Ride? As the game began, neither made much sense. Having not yet won a game, they seemed no challenge as Yul confidently took the field.

But a disturbing silence hung over the game following the kickoff whistle. Zwangzug's pitiful attacking attempts were beaten back soundly by midfielders before the defense even had to lift a toe. An opposing forward sneaked through, scoring in the thirteenth minute.

Angrily, Yul kicked up a divot of grass. But his emotion could not be channeled into success in the game: his shots went wild and out of play, his passes booming directly toward a defender who easily deflected it in the opposite direction.

After a second goal from the bottom-rankers, the desperation of the situation was clear. Even Simon Ryne, realizing the magnitude of the situation, passed to Phillip, who dodged around defenders and poked it in for a goal.

Yul timidly flashed the other forwards a thumbs-up, which was fully ignored.

A dragging halftime preceded a second-half slog. The ball rarely made it into the GTR half of the field, and never into either net. It was one of those losses that was never quite understood during the game. Only afterwards did he lie in bed, unwillingly replaying everything that had gone wrong.

It having been Phillip that had scored Zwangzug's only goal certainly shouldn't have been annoying as everything else. Yul hoped he'd get a chance against the sixth seeds, conveniently annoying that they'd just played the seventh. Either name was accurate: they'd risen or rode over Zwangzug.

Green wombat

18-04-2007, 22:38

GREEN WOMBAT PAPER THING OF HAPPY NEWS

Fried grease no sit with Torat.

Us loosing 2-4 to greasers.

They get fast start 3 nettings of ball in first 20 minute

We get 2 back, but they get last one

and we lose for timing of first.

and not in placed first neither also.

but still good job so far right? Torat happiness is still.

next matching be at Elvings places.

Winder if they play "houndDoogie?"

For paper this be Torat. Bye bye

Cookesland

18-04-2007, 22:49

http://i174.photobucket.com/albums/w107/Cookesland/cookesland.jpgCBC International Sports

MB: “Hello and welcome to World Sports Nightly, I’m Milchama NotTheNation Banks and with me once again is The Blue Eyed Man.”

MB: “Well, it’s looks like the USC is doing good so far in this cup wouldn’t you agree?”

TBEM: “Duh we’re doing very well, Cookesland is ranked number third in our division behind powerhouses Ropa-Topia and Ac-zc so amazing plays by Patrick Andolor have really helped the team out a lot, and this is one of the best defense The Knights have ever had.”

MB: “Today the Knights were up against Oliverry, away, which ended up in a 0-0 tie. On another happy note Cookborough broke it’s 5-day loosing streak with a 2-nil victory over Quintissence of Dust. Cookboroughan President Adrianna Snow was seen smiling as the National Anthem of Cookborough, Starry Starry Night, was played after the game.”

http://www.stephentaylor.ca/archives/aberdeen-street-party-homecoming-queens.jpg
Party in Cookborough!

TBEM: “Best of luck to Cookborough.”

MB: “This has been a CBC International Broadcast, I’m Milchama Banks signing off. ”

TBEM: “And The Blue Eyed Man, of course.”

MB: “Good Night everybody!”

Bazalonia

19-04-2007, 00:32

Leon Green stared at the captured Joseph Trian and smiled, "So it was you doing all that! You have failed though!" he exclaimed informing everyone that he knew what was going on, well what he thought was going on.

"If you think we are causing the rise in Apathy then no, but I have managed to come across some juicy information that you would be interested in."

"Why would I believe you?" Joseph retorted.

"For the simple fact I have not killed, nor done anything to you. I do not want to hurt you."

"Because you want me to do something, but what about after that?" retorted Joseph.

"You are one smart boy there Joseph. Yes, do something for me and I will give you all the information and evidence I have about who really is behind it."

"I bet it's The Great Lion and his dweeb followers."

"You'd be surprised who it infact is."

"Before I tell you to go stuff it, What do you want me to do?"

Leon laughed, "There is this guy that is promoting the, uh... Old Style of Athiesm. I need you to infiltrate into the group, find out what they are upto and stop them."

"I presume you had tried to infiltrate the group before?"

"Yes, but he only takes new converts. He would know your Bazalonian and would have no idea that you agreed to do this. For the good of Atheistic Right, and the world, we need to take this guy out of the picture. Are you in?"

Joseph pondered for some time, why did it actually had to be a decent job. Something that he could do and one that seemed to be needed to done.

"Okay, I'll do it." he finally said, so where do we go from here?"

The Archregimancy

19-04-2007, 01:36

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

WORLD CUP TONIGHT

With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated

"Shocked, Fr. John."

"Appalled, Fr. Nicholas."

"Shocked, I said. To the very core of my God-fearing soul."

"And appalled.... don't forget appalled, Fr. Nicholas - unworthy worm of a sinful monk-wretch that I am."

"If it wasn't enough to leave the entire Archregimancy dressing room filled to knee height with donkey dung, if it wasn't enough to unleash an entire herd of braying asses on the squad during their pre-match liturgy in said dressing room, if it wasn't enough to put up with the taunts of the crowd - which we expect from the Northern Bettians anyway..."

"Yes, Fr. Nicholas - the home supporters were clearly aware of the ass-chasing controversy that's haunting this campaign. But just what was it with these chants?

the donkey is your mother,
that fat ass is your brother,
you all shag each other,
the monastic family ...
donkeys!

is that supposed to be funny, I ask you?"

"Disgraceful, Fr. John. But as I was saying, if the dung, braying asses, and taunts of the crowd weren't enough.... well, all I can say is that this Obani character better be thinking about confession to someone..."

"Confession's always good, Fr. Nicholas - no communion without confession."

"... because this foul, disgraceful, abominable tactic of his team to distract our brave lads by starting an icon bonfire on the sidelines... I still burn with rage and anger myself at the thought."

"If it's any consolation, Fr. Nicholas, we did later establish that they were unblessed imitation icons... Apparently even the Northern Bettians have some sort of standards, it would seem. Low ones, admittedly."

"Be as that may, Fr. John... by the time the squad had finished rescuing the Nativity of Christ, the Third Finding of St. John the Baptist, the Venerable John the Disciple of the Venerable Gregory of Decapolis, St. Justinian of Ramsey Island, the Holy Martyrs Zoticus, Victor, Acindynus, Zeno, Severian and Caesarius of Nicomedia, and Saint Cosmas, Bishop of Chalcedon with his companion St Auxentius the Ascetic from the fiery flames of the bonfire..."

"Clever of them to choose so many saints commemorated on the 18th, Fr. Nicholas..."

"... the Fireants were 3-0 up and cruising. Oh yes, we put up a brave fight after that, won the rest of the match - the fair portion of the match - 1-0 thanks to another fine goal from Fr. Silouan. But too little too late."

"Be as that may, Fr. Nicholas, we still top the group. Let's not lose sight of that. And we don't have to travel to Northern Bettia again. God be praised indeed...."

Cafundeu

19-04-2007, 02:35

O JUTENSE NEWSPAPER – ASSOCIATED WITH GLOBO MULTIMEDIA

WORLD CUP 34 QUALIFIERS COVERAGE
Match Report written by O Jutense editor, Milene Escobar
With phrases and images from Globo Multimedia’s coverage, commented by Breno Gavião

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

LOTS OF GOALS IN CAFUNDÉU’S VICTORY

http://img158.imageshack.us/img158/961/cafatr2fk5.jpg
Cafundéu attacks and shoots at goal

In its fifth game in this World Cup qualifiers, Cafundéu faced Atheistic Right in Central City. The stadium, located in high altitude, gave some problems to players of both teams, and many changes had to made during the game. But these problems didn’t make the game poorer, as the supporters were able to see nine goals in an exciting games. Only in the second half, six goals happened, and Cafundéu easily won the game.

With this result, Cafundéu was able to go to the second position, the expected one. Now, the team must go to Fmjphoenix and continue winning, as the team can have problems in the group if slips. The next games will be the most important in Cafundéu’s campaign, as the team will play against its direct rivals in the stage, the ones which can stay in front of the Monopolists. The team also had the third best attack of the competition.

THE GAME
Since the start of the game the people at the stadium could notice that it would be a different game. The high altitude and the will to win in both teams gave the game a special feeling in the supporters. When the ball was touched for the first time, the offensive style if both teams impressed everybody. Long ranged shots and mass attacks were common, and nobody dared to predict the result of the game.

First, Cafundéu had the chance to score the first goal of the game with Dário, who received the ball from Priotto, invaded the area, and shot. Edwards was in the right place to block the ball. Minutes later, Atheistic Right surprised the hosts. In a wing attack, Wright crossed the ball to Jackson, who dribbled Sávio Ferrari and shot. Becão blocked the ball, but Hunt took the rebound and shot with strength, giving no chances to Durepox. Read Breno Gavião’s comments:

“Cafundéu loses the ball possession in the midfield, and Wright is with it now. He goes to the left wing, crrrrrosses the ball, Jackson drrrrribbles, shoots! Becão blocked! Hunt got the rrrrrebound, has the chance to scorrrrre... and it’s a goal! Goal for Atheistic Rrrrright. Hunt! Atheistic Right one, Cafundéu zero! Looking for a computer, or a television? You know that C-Electrrrrronics is the best! Their quality prrrrroducts will impress you! C-Electrrrrronics, leader in electrrrrronic prrrrroducts in Cafundéu!”

But the Darwininsts didn’t have time to commemorate the goal. One minute later, Anormal was fouled when he was going to shoot the ball. Free kick and yellow card to Cooper. Kliek took the free kick, but the ball hit the wall. The referee ordered the replay and gave a yellow card to Rogers, who walked in the wall. Kliek shot in his second chance, and this time he scored a beautiful goal. The visitors tried to complain, but in vain. Read Breno Gavião:

“Anorrrrrmal will invade the area... and it’s a foul. Yellow card to the defender! Kliek will take it... and the ball hits the wall! Wait, the rrrrreferee asks for a rrrrreplay, as the wall walked! Another chance for us. Kliek again... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Let’s see this wonderful frrrrree kick in the replay! Kliek, number seven! Cafundéu one, Atheistic Right one!”

The quality level of the game continued very high after the goals, and both teams still were making the possible to try to score another game. The visitors tried with Carter, who shot from outside the area. Durepox saved. Later, Anormal got a rebound in the entrance of the area and shot. The ball hit the bar and left the playing field.

The Cafundelenses in the stadium knew that the team needed all the possible help. So, they started to use their drums and shouted to motivate the team. In the last minutes of the game, it worked. Kliek passed the ball to Heitor, who invaded the area. The attacker saw Ijak in the middle of the area and made a low crossing to him, who appeared in front of the opponent defender to hit the ball and score the goal, before the end of the first half.

http://img412.imageshack.us/img412/549/cafatr1wy4.jpg
Action in the midfield

When the teams returned for the second half, the first effects of the altitude started to be seen. Cafundéu had to change Sávio Ferrari and Priotto, both tired and needing medical assistance. Alemão and Barbosa entered in their places. In the other team, Wright gave place to Chapman. But the level of the game continued the same, with strong attacks. But the defense struggled in the last 45 minutes.

Few minutes after the tenth minute, Cafundéu scored. Kliek crossed the ball to the area. Becão headed it, but not to the goal. The ball went to Ijak, who headed it too, but missed the goal too. Heitor was the last one to hit the ball, and he was able to score with a volley. After the goal, the game was stopped for fifteen minutes, as once again the referee from Zwangzug Jorge Soares had to go to the bathroom, after eating some junk food.

It didn’t take long for Cafundéu to dominate the game. The equality of the first half ended, as Atheistic Right couldn’t reply Cafundéu’s attacks with the same intensity. So, the Monopolists could score again. Dário received the ball from Ray Kirs and passed it to Ijak. The striker invaded the area, dribbled two defenders, the goalkeeper, returned to the entrance of the area, dribbled the goalkeeper again and scored the goal. Read Breno Gavião:

“Dário with the ball. He passes it to Kirs, who comes frrrrrom the left side of the field. Good pass to Ijak, he drrrrribbles one, drrrrribbles two, the goalkeeper, will scorrrrre! What is he doing? He rrrrreturned to drrrrribble the goalkeeper again! And he does it! Now he’ll scorrrrre... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! And what a goal! Ijak, number nine! Cafundéu four, Atheistic Right one!”

Cafundéu wanted more, and got it nearly the thirteenth minute. Léo Mattos invaded the area and shot. The goalkeeper saved, but Heitor shot the rebound before the ball could fall on the ground, scoring a nice goal. Minutes later, Heitor received the ball from Barbosa and crossed it to the area. The ball made a curve and entered inside the goal. An unintentional goal. After this play, the goalkeeper fainted and had to be substituted. Read Breno Gavião’s comments:

“Barrrrrbosa with the ball. Heitor asks for it, and rrrrreceives the ball in the right wing. He will crrrross it. The crrrrrossing goes to the area and... inside the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! This wasn’t done on purpose! Heitor, number eleven! Cafundéu six, Atheistic Right one! If you have to go to the bathrrrrroom, like the rrrrreferee, use Limpol toilet papers! Quality, resistance and hygiene!”

The last minutes of the game reserved more goals. The Darwininsts took advantage of one of the few chances of the second half. Chapman took the ball from Becão in the defense and stayed one on one with the keeper. He shot and scored the goal. Two minutes later, Ray Kirs passed the ball to Dário, who dribbled an opponent and shot. The ball hit Mitchell’s head and entered in the goal.

AFTER THE GAME
The players and the fans were amazed with the wonderful game shown by Cafundéu. Some tried to invade the field, others wanted the players’ shirts, and others didn’t do nothing. Everybody was anxious to heard the interviews. The coach David Nefasto said: “That’s it! The real Cafundéu! Today we played like champions, did our best to take the best result possible! Believe me, is this team the one which you’ll see in the future, battling for victories!”

Ijak said: “It isn’t easy to play in such a high altitude, so we couldn’t expect anything better than this. Heitor was fantastic, and Kliek too. It was a team work, and we’re ready to win more games.” The hattrick scorer, Heitor, said: “This is the best game of my entire career. It’s simply wonderful to hear the supporters singing my name.” Another important player in the team, Kirs said: “Seven goals in one game? I really wasn’t expecting that. We were great today.”

On another note, Sávio Ferrari and Priotto are passing by medical exams and will stay on the bench in the next game.

http://img412.imageshack.us/img412/9941/cafatr3wd7.jpg
The stadium was filled with supporters of Cafundéu

CAFUNDÉU 7x2 ATHEISTIC RIGHT

Place: Toca do Tatu, in Central City.
Attendance: 65,000 people.
Referee: Jorge Soares (Zwangzug).
MOTM: Heitor (Cafundéu).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Durepox, Léo Mattos (Gaúcho 78’), Kirs, Becão and Sávio Ferrari (Alemão 45’); Anormal, Priotto (Barbosa 45’), Dário and Kliek; Heitor and Ijak.
Coach: David Nefasto.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/atheistic_right.png ATHEISTIC RIGHT: Edwards (Morris 79’), Murphy, Cooper and Mitchell; Carter, Rogers and Stewarts; Wright (Chapman 45’), Jackson, Hunt (Webb 50’) and Miller.
Coach: that person on the bench.

Goals:CAF: Kliek 23’ , Ijak 44’/61’ , Heitor 57’/74’/77’ , Dário 86’.
ATR: Hunt 22’ , Chapman 84’.

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Cafundéu – formation for game against Fmjphoenix: Durepox, Léo Mattos, Kirs, Becão and Namarra; Anormal, Barbosa, Dário and Kliek; Heitor and Ijak.
Coach: David Nefasto
Style of +2

Match’s Referee: John Amhar (Fort Europe).

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Goalscorers after 5 Rounds:

7- G. Ijak
5- Heitor
2- Anormal and R. Kliek
1- Becão, C. Falcus, Dário and Renário

Elves Security Forces

19-04-2007, 02:51

Elven Times
Top Flight

I'm starting to wonder if the jinx of the Marauders falling short is gone, as another supposedly close match up came and the squad completely dominated once again. This time it was up against a faltering squad of Aurendia, who unlike Az-cz and Demot of World Cup 30, has not seen too much success come there way. Much was anticipated to be in the future of the Aurendians, as they had finished in the top three of the Baptism of Fire prior to the qualification round of the 30th edition. However, Aurendia has failed to be consistant in their results like the Gnomes and Dynamo, but always competitive. Thus their trip to the Hatire Memorial was treated with caution in the training up the week prior to, but clearly was not entirely needed when it came to the play on the pitch.

Seeing his good performance with the squad after the Dust match, Soler decided to keep the younger St. Louis in the starting spot, and let Martin rest up for the big match this week against Green Wombat. Despite giving up two late goals, Jacob was big for the squad when the game was still well in the balance early on. I suspect with as well as the squad is in position for qualifying heading into the second half of qualifying, espicially if they manage to beat Green Wombat, but more on that later, that Jacob's playing time will increase when the squad is playing the weaker seeds. I am also willing to go out on a limb and say that he will prove himself to have reached full potential and be the shutdown keeper that the squad will need in a tournament or two when Martin calls his international career quits.

The Great Leader opened gave the Navy Wave something to get roudy about early, as he converted a medicore strike from the edge of the box after Cuellar freed him with a through ball. The shot managed to miss two diving defenders and straight past the keeper who reacted slowly. Kiso Night would be next in the scoring party, as he made a breakaway chance, and spotted a tricky shot over the keeper, and got lucky the the ball careened in off the crossbar. Kyla Night lifted the crowd even more when she converted a penalty after a defender got called for a fould when going up for a header against Raynor. Justinian Constant would make the tally a harsh four to nil scoreline for the half four minutes later when Jannian's cross found him on the near post and he spotted one that swept underneath the pitiful attempt the keeper made to save it.

The second half was more or less the same, with Aurendia scoring two goals off counterattacks with Kiso night scoring a extravagant lob from about thirty eight yards out. However, the big story of the second half was when Laborious Hawk came on, and netted a goal within five minutes in his first CAP. The talented attacking midfielder has been eyed by scouts for years, and has been hounded by Premiership squads until he lead his squad onto the Green and Star league titles in back to back seasons, to send the Owls into the Premier League.

As mentioned before, the squad will be playing host to Green Wombat, currently the second place team in the table. A win here could very well ink the Marauders trip to the Finals for the second straight tournament. It might seem a bit of a strech, but a win would give the squad would give them sixteen points at the halfway stage, and undefeated for the first time at this stage in the process. A undefeated record throughout the quarterfinals would do wonders for this squad, and very well might allow Soler to keep his job beyond this tournament.

Elves Security Forces 6
Tobias Raynor (3)
Kiso Night (17)
Kyla Night (33) Pen
Justinian Constant (37)
Kiso Night (54)
Laborious Hawk (79)

Aurendia 2
Striker #1 (62)
Striker #2 (66)

Article by Luna Santapa

Assegai Developments

19-04-2007, 05:14

The Crimson Blade
Riskbreakers Fall at Home

The Riskbreakers brought everything to the table. They brought 75,000 screaming supporters. They brought a team that defeated the No. 1 team in NationStates in the previous qualifying phase. They brought a team aching to show the world they belong with the best.

Alas, after Assegai Development’s performance against The Lowland Clans, they looked very much like a mid-tier team as they were schooled in all facets of the game.

There was very little good to salvage from this game. Assegai began the game with the same formula that had provided propelled them to first place in the group. But after two first half goals from The Lowland Clans and very little response, the Riskbreakers looked doomed to lose. Even after a couple of subs in the second half, The Lowland Clan maintained their dominance and Assegai gave up a third goal in the 70th minute.

Midfielder and team captain Ashley Riot scored a 90th-minute goal for Assegai, but it was a textbook case of too little too late.

“Beating the other teams seems meaningless if we can’t play up to the standards of the best teams in NationStates,” grumbled Assegai forward Severus Snape. “After a game like this I question our role in this group. Are we to be perennial doormats?”

Riot had other complains after the game.

“Who the [expletive] were those guys?” he asked angrily. “I mean…they just ran circles around us, but did you happen to catch the names or numbers on the back of their jerseys? Of course not! They never submitted any material to the media center. That is complete and utter [expletive]. It seems we were the only ones that cared enough to do that. What [expletive]!”

Things don’t get easier for the Riskbreakers, who now have to deal with a team that tortured them in the past, Starblaydia.

Match Summary

(34) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/assegai_developments.png Assegai Developments 1

(12) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/the_lowland_clans.png The Lowland Clans 3

[AD]
Ashley Riot (90’)

[TLC]
Who cares? http://forums.offtopic.com/images/smilies/thefinger.gif

@ Cathedral Park, Leá Monde, Assegai
Attendance: 75,000

Turruth Gordur

19-04-2007, 05:25

From the desk of Gorgol "The Butcher" Harad

That large penguin we encountered in Turori was truly amazing. What an incredible creature. If only we could harness its power...

So we crushed those whelps from Turori. We continue on our path to ultimate glory in the NationStates World Cup. Up next we have to face a gaggle of fools calling themselves The Archregimancy. A bunch of nattering monks? We shall rip out their souls with dirty spoons and serve them on rusty platters. I want them to know right now that, win or lose, we will terrorize them and their supporters tonight. I've instructed my players that if we happen to go down by three goals, we will injure all their forwards.

Furthermore, to ensure our plan meets its goal, I have ordered the coaching staff to sacrifice a virgin ass during the pre-game introductions. We shall spill the blood of the innocent, then we will spill the blood of the wicked.

Turruth Gordur shall not be moved!

Upcoming Match

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/the_archregimancy.png The Archregimancy VS Turruth Gordur http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/turruth_gordur.png

Demot

19-04-2007, 07:19

Diary Entry 006

E tu Brute?

The famous last words of Caeser still give me the trembles every time I read the novel. To know that in your last dying moments, that the person you consider your most trusted friend was a member of plot to take your life has to be maddening. That sort of betrayl would haunt one past the grave I think, perhaps there would be no recovery from that. But what of its' relevance? Well it's simple really, I've found that a member inside the locker room has leaked out my personal information to the press and that is why me and my family continued to be hounded. For those of you who did not follow last tournament, me and the lovely Samantha Black were wed, and now have two kids. She gave birth to the twins Isadel and Samuel just six months before the squad began training for the qualifying stages. Both are beautiful little bundles of joy, and I look forward to raising them to be great, good people. Anyways, I find it severly frustrating that a person whom I consider a friend would do such a travesty as to give out very personal information to the monster that is the press. I have a meeting scheduled with Dogood tommorow evening, and I hope that the two of us can come to an agreement as to an acceptable punishment for the player who committed this travesty. Unlike them, I respect their right to privacy, and will not be quick to point the finger at them for their irresponcible and greedy actions.

I'm looking forward to tommorow's afternoon match, as it will be the halfway stage of the tournament, and I will have a few days off afterwards to be at home with the wife and kids. I always find it quite relaxing, despite all the craziness the youngsters bring, to be in my own home and with my family instead of off in some strange hotel in another country or in the team's mansion that we have to live in while we are in tournaments. Granted I speak with my wife everyday, but it's just not the same as being there with them. I hope that everyone else in the world can have what I have, or at least a small measure of it. Having someone who loves you, cares for you, and would do anything for you really lights up your life. I think that even if my family were not as well off as it was, I would still be happy with my life for love really can make that much difference. So my message to you today my friends is to enjoy life, expirence it as much as you can, but in the end, find someone who loves you and you them, and make each other endlessly happy as humanly possible, for you never know when it could be snatched away.

~ David Masteron

Assegai Developments

19-04-2007, 08:20

The Crimson Blade
Riskbreakers Seek Revenge

Tonight’s game against No. 21 Starblaydia is more than just another NationStates World Cup XXXIV qualifying match. For Assegai Developments it’s a chance to avenge horrible defeats of 8-0 and 6-0 suffered in their first ever attempt to qualify for the NSWC (XXXI).

After the dispiriting loss to The Lowland Clans, the Riskbreakers are faced with a do-or-die game. Sure, there are many more games to be played, but a loss to Starblaydia will surely doom Assegai Developments to third place (or worse) in this group.

On the other, hand, a victory will have a two-fold effect, giving the Riskbreakers a much-needed victory and at the same time exorcising old demons.

The team released their roster for tonight’s game via email.

Goaltender
#42 Akihiko Yoshida – (Rinaldi Gunners, Elves Security Forces)

Defenders
#4 Francis Rowe – (Sutina Saints, Fort Europe)
#8 Romeo Guildenstern – (Ascama United, Fort Europe)
#22 Jan Rosencrantz - (Ascama United, Fort Europe)
#25 Stephen Maison – (Assegai Developments F.C.)

Midfielders
#31 Alys Spicer – (Matata Wanderers, Fort Europe)
#10 Ashley Riot (C) – (Assegai Developments F.C.)
#69 Fleur Delacour (Assegai Developments F.C.)

Forwards
#11 Sidney Losstarot – (Mar Sara Flames, Elves Security Forces)
#33 Viktor Krum – (Assegai Developments F.C.)
#20 Samantha Neesa – (Char Sara Inferno, Elves Security Forces)

Reserves
GK #3 Callo Merlose – (Char Sara Inferno, Elves Security Forces)
GK #1 Winnefred Save – (Cathedral Spooks D.C.)
DEF #76 John Hardin – (D.S. Assegai)
DEF #70 Barnard Mallowburne – (S.C. Vagrant Hills)

DEF #7 John Müllenkamp – (Cathedral Phantoms F.C.)
DEF #2 A.J. Durai – (A.C. Leá Monde)
DEF #32 Anne Saye – (Fort Lakaria City, Fort Europe)
MID #56 Joshua Bardorba – (S.C. Vagrant Hills)
MID #13 Duke Bardorba – (S.C. Vagrant Hills)
MID #32 Agatha Denys – (A.C. Leá Monde)
MID #45 Duane Grissom – (Kibuye F.C., The Interahamwe)
FWD #8 Ursula Goode – (Cathedral Phantoms F.C.)
FWD #5 Severus Snape – (F.C. Capri, Elves Security Forces)
FWD #9 Dominic Saint-Émilion – (Rinaldi Gunners, Elves Security Forces)
FWD #18 Stephen de Cobham – (Assegai Developments F.C.)

The only change in the lineup was the swapping of forward Sidney Losstarot for Severus Snape.

Tonight’s Match

(21) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/starblaydia.png Starblaydia

VS
(34) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/assegai_developments.png Assegai Developments

Mikaela Eyre Reporting

Alasdair I Frosticus

19-04-2007, 08:28

RP cut-off!

MD 7 Scores and Tables (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12559280&postcount=9)

Wentland

19-04-2007, 12:08

Norman Hacker buried his head in his hands. One down and it was not getting any better.

He thought recruiting Zoe Pike, Amber Hodgkiss and their hot friends would spur on his team, but they were looking a little limp. The girls were not happy either. "We've got a reputation to consider...". "Yeah, how will be thought hot if we can't beat this lot?"

Hodgkiss however had an idea. She dashed off to a corner of the ground where Wentland were attacking and within a few minutes Wentland forced a corner.

Graham Clay prepares to take it and had not noticed Hodgkiss behind him. The players in the box did as she started gyrating. All eyes were on the raven haired voluptua as she slowly removed her top. Just as Clay launched an inswinger.

The only person celebrating was Clay, as even the referee was looking for the Finest Thingies in Wentland winner the previous year. But it had gone straight in and it was 1-1.

Zoe Pike decided to get in on the act on the other side, so dashed into the changing room, put on the official team suit, folded up the hem, put on glasses and tied up her hair. And when Joe Weston took a corner from the other side she released glasses and her long long long blonde hair with similar results. 2-1.

Perfect, thought Hacker. Now all I need is someone to look after that bloody donkey.

Jeruselem

19-04-2007, 12:53

<Kate Bush trying to turn on her laptop, not working>

Kate: That's the last time I let my kids use this thing, now where's Dazza? (staring at blank screen)

<Rings Dazza Deux in her room>

Kate: Dazza, you there?
Deux: Err, you got wrong Dazza! This is robo-Dazza here.
Kate: Oops, sorry. I keep on getting you two mixed up.

<Rings Dazza Dallas in her room>

Kate: Dazza, you there?
Dazza: Hey Bushy, what's up.
Kate: My laptop's not starting up. Stupid kids destroyed it.
Dazza: Heh heh, my kids don't do that. I'll be right over, let me wear something first.

<Later>

Dazza: Right, what's the problem?
Kate: It's not starting. Nothing on the screen!
Dazza: I have check a few things first.

<Dazza checks power cord, batteries and wall socket>
Dazza: That looks alright.
Kate: What's wrong then?
Dazza: Mind if I open this up?
Kate: If you have to.

<Dazza opens up laptop>

Kate: Well?
Dazza: There's paint under the power button.
Kate: Paint?
Dazza: Yeah, water paint - it's stopping the button from working.

Kate: Must the kids with the paint kit.
Dazza: I'll have clean all this crap off.
Kate: Go ahead, I need to finish this report today.
Dazza: Give me some time.

<Later>

Kate: Thanks Dazza.
Dazza: No problem!
Kate: Err, can you do me favour and ask that other Dazza not to wear the same dresses. You two do look the same.
Dazza: I do wear them pink knee pads, she doesn't. What's this report you are writing?

Kate: Well, you know that Dazza Deux - I have write a report on her once a day as part of our contract with Jerusalem Cybernetics Corporation when we play her in the World Cup. It's for their research into improvements on their subject.
Dazza: Why not me writing the report.
Kate: Err, she's like a clone of you so your reports will be rather biased. And you have enough things to do.
Dazza: That's alright then

Kate: But, what's your opinion anyway.
Dazza: Well, she's not a natural football player with her balance and coordination underdeveloped but I can fix that with some special training. Physically she's good with strength and she take the bumps from rough play. But she is determined and wants to learn, and I like her. Well, she is trying to be ME.
Kate: Poor woman, losing her arms and legs as well as face. Have to admire her courage in becoming well, another person.
Dazza: She's not a nymphomaniac though and I think it's better that way. With all that metal, poor partner.

Kate: Well thanks again. I have finish this report. The people at Corporation picked you as her model because one of your nude calendars was hanging around and the boss thought it was good idea to see if they could create the ultimate Dazza.
Dazza: The ultimate pleasure machine?
Kate: You are still the ultimate pleasure machine.
Dazza: That's me. The Goddess of LOVE! Created by God himself.

Schiavonia

19-04-2007, 13:35

The Schiavone Scribe
Sloths Win Again
Schiavonia 7-1 Okielahoma

After two much closer and much more exciting games against Bushes Been Quaked and Fort Europe, Schiaovnia decided to revert to type against Okielahoma last night.

Which is all really rather dull, actually. In six games, Schiavonia have scored more than six goals three times. For a second cup in a row, they are the final team to have a 100% record across all the qualifying groups. It's all getting a bit... well, like we've seen thi somewhere before.

Indeed, Schiavonia's unbeaten run in qualifying games is now thirty-three games. The gap to third place is eleven points alredy. We'd review the group, but the qualifiers look obvious already. This could end up quite boring.

Last night's game saw seven different goalscorers for the Sloths, as Okielahoma were completely obliterated by Schiavonia's attacking game, and seemingly too demoralised by the end to put up much of a challenge. Even the sympathy of some of the home fans trying to put smiles on their faces didn't really work.

Still, next up is a trip to Random Toast. Not something you'd think would excite the Schiavone fans as an entertaining match, but there will be one of the biggest Schiavone away supports ever, solely due to Chris Vanstone's famous deep fried penguin burgers. With fried penguin also a Schiavone speciality, expect Vanstone to be working overtime next week!

Final score
Schiavonia 7 (I. Blige 7, Chester 13, Tiss 29, S. Blige 34, Hogan 56, Berry 71, Jones 87)
Okielahoma 1 (Harris 67)

- - - - -

It was all happening so quickly for David. Getting fast tracked into the national team, a team on one of the most impressive runs of form he'd ever heard of. It was almost as if it wasn't real.

Then the phone rang. David answered.

"Hello."

"David. It's good to see you doing so well."

"Who is this?"

"We'll get you back home soon."

"Hello? Can you hear me?"

But there was no answer.

Errinundera

19-04-2007, 14:07

News items from Le Monde, the Deddick (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Deddick) daily paper.

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/lemonde.png

ANOTHER SHOCK LOSS, ANOTHER RETIREMENT

In the hubbub surrounding the sniffer wombat rampage at Fanny Moo some other important football developments have been overlooked. Most importantly, Errinundera lost to lowly ranked Swilatia. This is second time in five games that the potoroos have performed below expectations. As in the aftermath of the earlier match against SS Oaklands the axe has been wielded. This time local star and veteran goalkeeper, owiavi, has announced quer retirement from football.

At a press conference convened the day before the big match in Vilita, the other genderqueer in the team declared that que had become disenchanted. “It’s not just football. It’s the contrary, righteous, landlocked, godless attitude of Errinundrians that gets me down. Do you realise how ridiculous and provincial you guys look in the eyes of the rest of the world?” Needless to say, the assembled press gallery took exception to the tirade but their hissing failed to deter the former goalkeeper. “I’ve finally found something worthwhile in my life: I’ve converted to Russian Orthodoxy and I’d dearly like to become a monk. I’ve applied to join a monastery in The Archregimancy. I only hope they will accept a genderqueer novice. If they do accept me it will be such a relief to emigrate from this frivolous backwater to somewhere that treats life with the full seriousness that it deserves.”

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/owiavi.jpg

At this point officials from the Errinundera Football Association terminated the press conference.

Three new players have received their first guernseys as potoroos to replace the retired ysteri, este and owavi: hundere – a 26 year old midfielder from Bola Mine, theodorag – a 25 year old goalkeeper from Bonang, and udhistirap – a 23 year old midfielder from Forest Shining. It grieves us to report that Deddick no longer has a representative in the national football squad.

A RETURN TO PARADISE, A RETURN TO THE WINNING LIST

The potoroos returned to happier days and winning form when they re-visited Vilita – the co-hosts of World Cup 31 – and defeated the home team 0-1 with carltu scoring the only goal in the 16th minute. It’s hard to believe that 12 years have gone by since Errinundera returned to the World Cup. Angelic, genderqueer captain, rosaniel, is the only player from that happy series still playing in the national side.

“We played way beyond people’s expectations back then,” a nostalgic rosaniel told us. “We weren’t expected to qualify but managed to get in ahead of a highly fancied Nedalia. We were lucky in the first round, with a 1-1-1 record, including a 4-1 caning from Bedistan, yet we still managed to get through to the second round. As seems to be becoming a habit, we were eliminated in the second round. Most of all though, I remember the sea. Cripes, I miss it.”

Young McKillops Bridge goalkeeper, onito, caught rosaniel’s affliction, along with several other players. “Ever since the match against Swilatia, que has talked about nothing except the ocean at Vilita. We all got fed up and voted to put a gag on qer. It wasn’t much good because que likes being tied up. Anyway, her last words were, ‘you’ll see.’ Que was right, you know. The sea is the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen. Next time I’m in a housetree in Errinundera I’m going to close my eyes and imagine I’m in a small boat gently rocking on the waves. I love the forest and it is my home but the sea is something else altogether.”

Star striker from Mount Ellery, Carltu, continued her good form and added another goal to her tally. “It’s good to notch an away win against one of the other top 3 teams,” she told our reporter, “especially after our 2 losses to low ranked teams. It’s funny – we’re playing better against the good sides. We must improve in the second half of the qualifiers. Obviously we won’t make it to the cup otherwise. This is such a special Cup for us – we all so badly want to go to Ariddia.”

[NS:]The HURD

19-04-2007, 14:19

The HURDist typed on his keyboard, while looking at the screen. Sometimes, he uttered muffled curses or stopped and pondered only to start again furiously. Suddenly the sound of a phone interrupted his ascetic pleasure. a Phone? There are no phones in the HURD... the HURDist puts on his headset and acepts the call. "ye?"
"Hi Miku! Could have guessed you were here!"
"Qu?" he ponders hanging up and later claiming it was a software failure.
"Yeah. Good work with that code! Liked Lynx's reactions today!"
"ah.. c'mon..."
"I did... and I could have guessed you're down right now! Vista* Ogles!"
"The code is crawling full of bugs. What will Zuse think now about me?"
"It was a bit suboptimal, k, but I saw an improvement!"
"You're just being nice, Qu..."
"Not really. Lynx is a Nassi-Shneiderman... not exactly the ideal goalie seeing its size... your code was nice for high jumps but well, a penny is a penny even if you gild it."
"What is a penny?"
"Don't ask... a unit of currency."
"Now I see where you are coming from... Project dillo?"
"indeed... Instead of attempting to improve our Lynx can you maybe help us with dillo?"
"I never programmed a Schneier-class bot!"
"Tyler gives an introduction on its programming in Thompson uni in 30 minutes. Do you hurry?"
"Yeah, I do..."

*Vista is a HURDist curse (as is any proprietary OS :) )

Wentland

19-04-2007, 14:37

"Graham, you know you volunteered to look after the donkey?"

"Yes?"

"And to take care of it?"

"Yes?"

"WHY THE BLOODY HELL DID YOU BRING IT HERE!!!!!"

"Well, I couldn't leave it at home, could I? The missus is at the birds' world cup..."

"But the DRESSING ROOM??! It's eaten my lucky hat. "

"She. "

"Eh?"

"She. Her name's Gertrude. "

"Whatever. "

"No, Gertrude. "

The loss of the lucky hat paradoxically had no effect on Wentland as they proceeded to go nap. At least Norman Hacker cheered up. And the other thought cheering him up was the present he had sent to the mad monks, as he called them. One of those things that Dallas floozie had given him for Mrs H. Shed never miss it. Ten inches? Pah.

Bostopia

19-04-2007, 15:54

You’re in your room, restless, waiting for the football. You look at your watch - 17:45.

“Kick-off’s not for another two hours yet…”

However, you think, it is the first ever game Bostopia will play in Riikenberg, and coming off the back off a disappointing one-all draw against a battling Kingsford side, a win was rather a necessity. Two points off the leaders, yet two points off fourth place. And fourth place spelt nothing but the occasional well done, and perhaps a “Bostopia, roll on!” message of good luck for next time from ‘The Football Life’.

“Well, at least Dazza’s rather fit”

“Mark! You ready yet?” Your sister shouts from her room, interrupting some rather pleasant thoughts.

“Urh? What? We’re going now?” You shout back

“Yeah! We’ve got to meet Chris, then with all the crowds it’ll take ages to get into the ground!”

She was right. And didn’t you know it. You rush around, grab your scarf, grab some money from your top drawer, and run out of the room. It’s a nice day outside, even at this time of evening, it’s 17 degrees outside.

“Hmm, 62.6F”

You don’t know what made you think that, but you didn’t mind random flashes of inspiration and information. Meant you were learning at least. You run downstairs, and find your sister by the front door.

“No shoes?” She inquires.

“Nah, no need for ‘em.”

“If you wanna get them trampled on…” She lets the sentence sink in, then rethinks. “Actually, I may as well do the same” she concedes.

How many times had you thought she was a bit of a copy-cat, you wonder? Ah well, at least you don’t fight 24/7 like Chris and Becky. Wonder how they’ll get on, no doubt Becky will get on Sophia’s nerves, trying to gossip with her in the middle of the game.

“Come on!” Sophia shouts, already half way out the door.

“One mo” you answer back, and stick your head round the corner into the front room “We’re off now folks, see you guys later on tonight.”

“Alrighty, c ya later” your dad calls back.

“Enjoy the game! Look after your sister!” Mum followed.

Good old mum, you think. Sophia doesn’t NEED looking after, she just chooses to need looking after sometimes. Still, built a healthy relationship with her and your parents through “good deeds” – i.e. helping your sister out – and the rewards were quite beneficial. Who wouldn’t want to holiday on the Rental Save south coast?

“Anyone who doesn’t like sports, I guess”

You follow your sister out the front door, and step out into Greanner Road. The two of you take a right at the bottom of the garden path, and walk down toward Brigvale Avenue. This time though, on reaching the corner, you turn right, away from the stadium. Chris and Becky live on Brigvale Avenue, but their parents have a thing against them waiting for you on the corner of the streets. Something about oppressive policing.

“Not as bad as oppressive parenting…” You think out loud

“What?” Came the confused response from Sophia.

“Oh, I was just thinking about Mark and Becky’s parents not liking the oppressive policing, yet only letting either of them out the house unattended when they hit 10.”

“Yeah, that was strange. We were out by 7.”

“In by 8, mind you.”

Which, when you look back, was rather generous. But, the “oppressive” policing had it’s advantages, you rarely got into any bother with anyone older than you, and that was only really old folk grumbling at you riding your bikes like Peter Franks – the star of the Bostopian F1 in the early 90’s. Nowadays it’d be Adam Teraining, World Champion for the Bostopia F1 team. It was people like him that built dreams, and Bostopia sure was making the most of it.

You walked up the garden path of the Nellith’s house, and rang the doorbell. Chris appeared moments later.

“Hallo Mark, Sophia.” He says.

“Alright mate, how’s tricks?”

“Yeah not so bad, bit hyped up mind.”

“Me an’ all.” You laugh

In a few moments, Becky appears at the door ready to go. She looks down at your feet, then at Sophia’s.

“Bare?”

“Yes…” You answer, rather ‘Oh, you don’t say?’

“But the floor in the stadium’s all mucky!” She exclaims, disgusted.

“They like to be at one with the concrete!” Chris butts in, answering for you.

“Close mate, but when the crowd gets going, me and Soph’ll be able to feel, let alone hear it.”

“True enough.” He answers, having accompanied your habits at a few Riikenberg FC games. “Right, let’s go.”

You get to the front gate, and turn round.

“You’ve got the tickets, don’t you?”

Chris looks embarrassed as he sticks his hands in his pockets.

“I’ll be right back.”

He runs inside, then reappears a moment or two later, tickets in hand.

“Right, try again, shall we?” You just about manage to hold in the laughter.

As you get closer to the stadium, the number of police officers increases.

“What’s going on?” Becky asks, looking nervous

“They’ll have closed the road.” You answer. “They do it everytime a match is played here, or if there’s a concert or something. The only cars allowed through are the emergency services, so it lets the fans walk on the street. Less crowd congestion, less chance for anything to kick off.”

“Oh. Right.” She answers, not fully understanding.

You’re glad Sophia doesn’t ask this sort of stuff. Her understanding of the game had grown in the front room of your house, plus in those few games your dad had took you to.

Ortega Field started looming closer. The Sky Blue sides towering above the terraced houses surrounding the stadium. The noise was growing as well. You could hear the talk of the crowd above the sound system. The touts outside the stadium were busy as well, selling tickets with a small commission on top. They tried not to make themselves obvious, asking people hanging around if they had tickets or not. Unfortunately, most of those people were undercover police officers.

“They’ve got another one!”

Portions of the crowd stopped and cheered as a man was dragged off to the mobile police holding cells outside the stadium. After a couple hours, he’d be questioned, charged, fined, and released. Unless of course, he was a persistant criminal, then it would be off to one of the prisons dotted around the country.

“Mark, what block are we in?” An important question, as that told you what entrance to the ground you should be using.

“Urr…blimey! Block ME3!”

“Block ME3?!?” Sophia exclaims excitedly.

“Must be a Riikenberg FA thing” Mark attempts to explain.

For most football fans, Block ME3 would mean nothing, but for some, especially Riikenberg FC supporters, Block ME3 was the area with the dugouts to the left, and the players tunnel to the right.

After a short walk, you find entrance 1, leading to the Main Stand. As you get into the line for the turnstile, your heart begins racing. You get to the turnstile, and hand your ticket to the young lad on the other side of the booth. He looks at it, rips the stub off, and hands you the rest back, while pushing a pedal in his foot to release the rotating door. You walk through, and wait for the others. Sophia through next, then Mark, then Becky, who looks disgusted at having to brush up against the door.

“Probably ruin her outfit”

Come on Mark, stop with the sarcasm, you think. You look right, and notice a souvenir stand. You buy a programme, and another scarf, with “BOSTOPIA -V- SATIVAVILLE” written on it, with “Ortega Field, Riikenberg” written in smaller writing underneath. Half of the scarf is in the Bostopian colours, with the other half in the national colours of Sativaville.

“Another scarf, in this temperature?” Becky asks.

“Yeah, sometimes it gets chilly on the walk home.” You respond, knowing that it was better to say that than try and explain.

“Well, can we get to our seats?” Sophia was dragging you by the arm while saying it.

“Alright, alright!” You respond.

Comparing your tickets, you find out you have Sophia to the left, and Mark to the right, with Becky to the right of him. You and Sophia had come up trumps with this one. The two of you race up the stairs out of the stadium foyer, and into the fading sunshine of the stadium. The noise level is louder now, as you look around the stadium, with its roof high above the stands, letting the sun in over the open pitch.

You walk down the steps to the right of the entrance tunnel, and find Block ME3, Row C, Seat 86, and sit down. A great view of the pitch, enough rows up to see the ball on the other side of the pitch – the pitch not being flat, but crested, so that water drained – and right in the centre of the park too.

An hour passed, as you sat watching the activity on the pitch, the players having a final training session, then warming up. With half an hour to go before kickoff, the Bostopian players disappeared back into the tunnel under the main stand for final words off the manager, Adam Collick, to a thunderous cheer off the crowd.

With 15 minutes to go before the game kicked off, the tunnel was once again rolled forward, extending it almost onto the pitch. Cheerleaders with red, white and blue pompoms lined up on either side of the tunnel, with the Riikenberg University Band emerging onto the pitch first, to claps off the crowd. As the band took their places, a song started up over the PA system, and this really fired up the crowd.

This was one of your favourites, and you sang along in your head

“Now we grieve ‘cause now it’s gone, things were good when we were young. Is it safe to say - c’mon c’mon – was it right to leave – c’mon c’mon - will I ever learn? - c'mon c'mon - c'mon c'mon c'mon c'mon”

The music faded out, and the stadium announcer came over the PA system.

“Will the owner of the red team bus please move it, you’re blocking the entrance to the kitchen. Thank you.”

A large “Eh?” and laughter from the crowd went up.

“But now, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, Bostopia!”

Most of the 43,567 crowd stood up and roared their approval as the Bostopian team charged out onto the field, followed by the Sativaville squad.

“Please stand for the national anthems of Bostopia and remain standing for the Sativaville anthem.”

The crowd stood up, and not a noise was to be heard, spare the odd cough.

The band conductor moved forward to his platform, and tapped the desk.

Northern Bettia

19-04-2007, 16:13

The clouds are rolling in and a distinct chill is brought in from the north. While the gloom is busy gathering above Anyuna, inside Sakura Park, things are already gloomy, and have been for a while thanks to today's opponents Turori. The Fire Ants have tried everything - they've tried cheating their bollocks off (not literally), they've tried hacking their opponents into the next city, they've tried appealing to the ref for anything and everything, they've even tried cooking a large chicken just to try and upset some of the visiting players.

But so far none of it has worked. The referee's having none of it, and so far the home side are two up in the red card tally, and thanks to the numerical advantage their classy opponents have cruised into a two-goal lead after a very tight opening hour.

Somewhere in the vast bank of terracing which fills the east stand of Northern Bettia's national stadium, the feared (and now infamous) Yuna Crew are trying to gee their players along with another highly inventive and abusive song (not to mention slightly inaccurate) aimed at upsetting the visitors:

♪ Who's that team they call Turori? ♪
♪ Who's that team that never score? ♪
♪ They play in red and white ♪
♪ And they are a load of shite ♪
♪ And Riailia's mother is a whore! ♪

A lyrical masterpiece it ain't.

Amoungst all of this, a rather flustered and flushed individual is slowly making his way through the crowded terrace to join his mates.

"Hey Massa, there you are!"

Upon seeing their pal Hiro, Massa and his friends salute him by making mock prayer movements with their hands.

"Hiro you bastard, where've you been? I haven't seen you since that Mekhule game. There we were outside the stadium, you were getting all excited over The Archregimancy game, and when I went to get on the bus you lot had vanished. Of course, it meant I got all your seats on the plane. So what happened?"

Hiro laughed. "Oh man, you ain't never gonna believe what happened. Remember that goalkepeer of theirs? You know, the fit one with the nice arse. Well she only goes and stops me in the street and plants one on me! Says she and a couple of her mates were wondering if we fancied a bit of... ahem... post-match entertainment, if you know what I mean."

"Yes Hiro, we do."

"So anyway they take us back to their hotel room, strip right down and..."

"Yes, yes, we know!" Massa cried, frantically waving his hands in front of him to try and get his friend to shut up.

"Eh? You know?! How do you know?"

"We saw the video."

Hiro gulped. "Video?"

"Yep. Seems those birds had a camera handy. Your one-and-a-half minutes of heaven's ended up being plastered all over the internet!"

By this time, Hiro's face has gone decidedly pale. He certainly doesn't like where this conversation's heading.

"And... and you saw...?"

"Everything mate, everything. Jeez, you've got a fat ass. And you've certainly kept that heart-shaped mole quiet, haven't you?"

"So, um... how did it go against those monkeys?"

"Monks, Hiro, monks. Way to change the subject, by the way. It all went rather well actually. They didn't bring any fans with them, though. They're afriad of us."

"Yes!! Yuna Crew rules!" Hiro yelled, punching the air in victory.

"Yep, we did that alright. They may not have brought any fans, but we still managed to piss them off big time."

"Nice one. How did you manage that?"

"Well, first we released a shedload of donkeys into their dressing room. And then old man Obani went one better and burnt a load of icons. We had a nice little bonfire going too, but the spoilsports kept putting it out. I tell ya, everyone was cracking up here. And we won too!"

"Nice one. It's always good to get one over them bloody do-gooders. No women indeed. Pfft! So what's happening here?"

"It's no good mate, this lot just ain't biting. We've tried singing rude songs, making plenty of references to sage and onion stuffing, but none of it's working."

Hiro sighed contendly. "Ah well, let 'em have their win... so when do we play Mekhule again?"

Fixtures / Results

MD..OPPONENT...............VENUE...RESULT

Qualifying Group 2

01: Commerce Heights JSY...HOME....L 0-1
02: Holweg.................Away....W 4-0
03: Turruth Gordur.........HOME....W 4-2
04: BYE
05: Mekhule................Away....W 5-2
06: The Archregimancy......HOME....W 3-1
07: Turori.................HOME....L 0-2
08: Commerce Heights JSY...Away....
09: Holweg.................HOME....
10: Turruth Gordur.........Away....
11: BYE
12: Mekhule................HOME....
13: The Archregimancy......Away....
14: Turori.................Away....

Tynelia-Tessan

19-04-2007, 17:08

((ooc- no luck with Tynelia's acct today))

Gina Gibbons: Hello everyone and welcome to Coach Chat, a regular feature of Tynelian News Network’s sports programming. Today its soccer time as we welcome back our regulars former Tynelian national coaches Adam Billington, Jim Tudor and the returning Marcus O’Meara. Hello again Coaches.
Billington and Tudor: Hello Gina

O’Meara: <loudly> You look different today for some reason…

Gibbons: Today in what you all said was a must win situation for Tynelia, the team came through on goals by Tina Conroy and Lance Cadeon as backup keeper Mandy Martin pitched her first shutout in a 2-0 win over Yafor 2, pulling Tynelia back into second place in the group at the half. So what did you three think of Coach Masterson’s series of moves. Tina Conroy moving up to the striker’s spot and Duncan MacDougal taking her spot at forward and a very early substitution of Lance Cadeon at the half to spell Mia Thompson. Not to mention the change in net. Surpisingly to me anyway it all worked out for the team.

Billington: Yes this was a big win but every match in the second half is going to be huge. This is the tightest group at the half and no one’s out of it. I was surprised not to see Lance get significant playing time but that he didn’t get the start but then came in at the half.

Tudor: More intriguing on my part is the idea of swapping Conroy and MacDougal. It seems the two brothers were trying to outdo each other at striker’s spot, so Coach Masterson put Duncan back at his forward’s spot that he did so well at last time and moved young Conroy to the striker’s spot. I believe this may be the first female striker we’ve had on the pitch if I recall.

O’Meara: <loudly> Yeah the boys finally came through that they did, but it’s just not right to have a lady striker. Dang gum it, I may be 73 years old but its just not right to be striking a lady. Sure you want to win but is this the message we want to send to our children? No I say!

Gibbons: Do you think Coach Masterson will keep this combination for the next match considering how well it worked this time?

Tudor: Not all of it for certain. I think UIE and West Pasco will be where young MacDougal will be given a chance to get his head back together. He did well the first time against them and this would be a good confidence boost for him to repeat his showing against teams he knows he’s already beaten.

Billington: I think Cadeon will get the start. As much as I hate to say it I think Mia Thompson is looking her age out there, seems to be a step behind. It may be that she needs a match off. The Conroy/Macdougal swap is intriguing though and may be a permanent exchange. Duncan was much less stressed at forward and Connor wasn’t trying to do too much to try and one up him. Conroy is faster than Duncan and will be able to push the pace more.

O’Meara: <loudly> Its just like you youngsters, always changing things. When I was a coach your spot was your spot, players used to be able to play the whole cup without all these rest times and breaks you have nowadays. Bunch of sissies if you ask me!

Gibbons: So if you had to grade the team on their performance to date how do you think the team is doing?

O’Meara: <loudly> Grades? This isn’t the schoolhouse young lady. An A or a B or an F don’t really mean much cause it all happens on the field I say. Give someone an A and they lose 4-0 the next match.

Billington: This is strange but I have to agree with my old coach here. Grades are too vague and restricting. Some matches they had an A game, others were average at best. You can’t lump it all like that.

O’Meara: <loudly> see that’s why I liked you Adam, always listening to the experience of your elders.

Billington: <smiles> Thanks coach.

Tudor: Well for what its worth I give them a C+ lost several matches they should have won but did get the draw with CH, they could be doing much better.

Gibbons: OK then, time’s running short so its time to announce this week’s poll question.
“Which of Tynelia’s five head coaches in international play do you feel is the best. Jay Masterson? Adam Billington? Jim Tudor, known back then as Greg Tudor before he changed his name? The first ever Coach-Marcus O’Meara? Or the nearly forgotten brief reign of Seamus Flannigan O’Connell?”

Tudor: Not forgotten by me, that bloke tried to kill me because I was doing a better job with the team than he did. Still rotting in prison where he belongs I say.

O’Meara: <loudly> why if it wasn’t for me none of these whippersnappers would be here today. They learned everything they know from me!

Billington: <smiles>

Gibbons: OK then until next time this is Gina Gibbons for out Coaches here today wishing everyone a good night and don’t forget to vote online for who you think was Tynelia’s best coach ever. Now back to the studio.

Qazox

19-04-2007, 21:37

QSPNFootball.com Match Report

Nedalia 3-QAZOX 3

ANOTHER SCREW JOB??

Once again the match came down to a blown cll by the referees as an appearet winning goal was called for offsides, even though 1- replays show it wasn't and 2- they didn't whistle for it until after the goal was scored.

So at the 1/2 way point Qazox is 1-3-2 and hasn't won since the opening match. still have a shot, but wins not draws are needed from now on, or else it will be the CoH once again,

Saraffin contiunes to stun the world with his scoring abilities, as he has scored the last 6 Black Oxen goals, giving him 11 so far, and he is only 4 goals away form becoming the all time leader.

Scoring Summary:
QAZOX: Sarafin (9,10,11)- 25', 45+', 86'
Nedalia- 15', 38', 56'

Kiryu-shi

19-04-2007, 21:40

Kiryu-shi Wins Away Match in Unique Conditions

By Michio Hibbert

The Landau Insitute, Estresse Intenso Kiryu-shi returned to near where they won the Baptism of Fire earlier this year, as they took a trip to Cafundéu’s neighbor’s Estresse Intenso. Estresse Intenso fields a team made up entirely of institutionalized players who were not able to mentally cope with the pressures of everyday life in their hectic country, with the exception of star striker Carlos Alberto Gabalán, who lives and plays in Cafundéu. They won their last game three to one over the hapless Gnejs team, and were the favorites coming into the match with Kiryu-shi. There were some allegations from higher-ups in the Landau Institute that the Kiryu-shi was taking payments from Cafundéu in order to try harder, but Kiryu-shi officials denied all allegations, and the claims of cheating shifted. However, certain members of the Kiryu-shi team expressed concern that the doctors that were regulating their schedules to fit into the Landau Institute system were spying on team strategy sessions and meetings. The coach of Estresse Intenso, the controversial and former international prisoner, Doctor Vittorio Mendonça, is a very experienced and is highly respected as a soccer mind. The match would be fought in the midfield, as both teams only had one striker in their starting formations.

____The match started in the basement of The Landau Institute amid the eerie silence of the nearly empty room. Player’s voices echoed off the walls during practice, as the yells and directions of coaches mingled with the sounds of singing from Estresse Intenso defender Sidney Pindaré, along with the random and violent screeches from midfielder Eurico Sardinha, who seemed to be having a mentally unstable day. Play started with a Estresse Intenso kickoff, and they quickly settled into a pattern of attacking utilizing the midfield wings, Gregório Araújo and the veteran Vandison Dos Alpes early on. Kiryu-shi started off soaking up the attack, letting Estresse Intenso control the ball movement, but not letting in any solid chances. The first real opportunity arose in the 17th minute, as Dos Alpes, orchestrating and commanding the entire offense with his direction, fed the ball to fellow E.I veteran Bogdan Nejmanovski, who was open near the top of the penalty box, as Kiryu-shi midfielder Gregory Iverson lost his position on the pitch. Nejmanovski took advantage of the room to cut the ball into the penalty box, and got a clean hard shot off under the outstretched leg of Bob Moya. Jon Crow made one of his best ever saves in international play thus far as he dove to his left to catch the ball in midair, right before it crossed fully into the net, landing on the ball on top of the line. Although Dos Alpes began tried to tell the referee that it was a goal, the official refused to listen. Just three minutes later, E.I. got another great chance, as Gabalán dribbled the ball past an off balance Matthew Pruet, creating a great opportunity for a goal. However, his shot was deflected by Doug LeBlanc, who slid in front of the net and knocked the ball out for a corner. Dos Alpes made a beautiful kick to the front of the net, but Iverson was able to head the corner away. In the 31st minute, there was a moment of panic, as Anton Dumitrache began hallucinating on the field, believing there were two soccer games going on at once. He was sliding and kicking away on his own, nowhere near the actual play, and came close to injuring Sardinha before doctors rushed onto the field and injected him with something. Play resumed, and Dumitrache was able to play fine for the remainder of the match. The only Kiryu-shi chance in the first half came when Sidney Hendrickson dribbled up the left side in a quick counter attack and hit a low cross to an open Pat Mayberry, who was sprinting into the penalty area from the opposite side. However, even before Mayberry could get a shot off, captain Viriato Manga slide tackled Mayberry and cleared the ball away. The officials whistle remained quiet as Mayberry had to pick himself up off the turf. As the half winded down to a close, the game looked like it was in a predictable and unending pattern, as E.I attacked, Kiryu-shi defended, Kiryu-shi cleared, and E.I attacked again. Both coaches seemed frustrated by the inability of their players to really create plays.

____During halftime, Sardinha and LeBlanc got into a shouting match between the benches, and although the cause of the argument is unknown, and the game was not even in play both players received a yellow card and a strict warning from the referee. Neither coach opted to switch their formations, opting just to try to instill some life into their teams with stirring speeches, and/or medical drugs.

____Even with the coaching and medicine, neither team looked that different than the first half. Estresse Intenso was able to get a few more shots, mostly by Gabalán, but the Kiryu-shi defense was as tight as ever. Iverson, after his early positioning mistake, was playing one of the best defensive matches of his international career, as his normally average at best play was consistently stopping the attacking players. He used his size and strength to out muscle players and get them off the ball, as well as disrupting shots and passes with his long legs. He did not move the ball up the field at all, but his presence on the pitch was dominant. In the 61st minute, for example, he quickly defused a possible attack by aggressively pursuing Bogdan and forcing him to make a bad pass, which was promptly intercepted. Offensively, it was Hendrickson who surprised everyone on the pitch by scoring the first goal. Although he did create the one chance earlier in the match, most, if not all of the attempted attacks were going up the right side to Mayberry and Gandy, and Hendrickson was spending most of the time protecting his side defensively. Then, in the 74th minute, am E.I. shot was deflected into empty space near the center line, where Diamanti sprinted to reach the ball first. He passed the ball up the left side to Hendrickson, who had a ton of room, as E.I. midfielders had swarmed Diamanti. Hendrickson dribbled the ball into the middle, where he cut past Carlos Godói and unleashed a shot that spun into the net, just past a stunned Julien Prunella. After the goal, Kiryu-shi players lost any hint of attacking, generally keeping nine people defending, with Garret McGee the only player who made runs up field. Kiryu-shi just held on to the one-nil victory that boosted them up to fourth place in qualifying.

Green wombat

19-04-2007, 21:52

GREEN WOMBAT PAPER THING OF HAPPY NEWS

Torat has the day off due to eating too much fried grease, why any person would do such a thing is far beyond my comprehension, but I digress. I, Hank English, have been Shanghaied into doing this insipid report in his stead, while his stomach is being pumped.

The team from Elves Security Forces, who to this point have walked all over their competion, stormed in to Green Wombat today and in a tactical piece of brilliance came away witha 5-3 win over our team.

The favored elf squad struck home early as Kyla Night managed to score quickly in the opening minute giving our vistors a 1-0 lead. Ms. Night struck home once again in the 13th minute, making the scoreline 2-0 away side. But Billie Mofield, our own she-devil managed to cut the deficit down to 2-1 in the 30th minute. Ms. Mofield then proceeded to square the match at 2-2 in the last minute of play of the first half.

But our team could not keep up with the pace set by the Mauraders, as Tobias Raynor scored the first of his two goals in the 50th minute of play. a bad psss by Ms. Mofield led to the 4th ESF goal when Jere Jannian lifted a rare shot on net and it skipped by our keeper, Eli Nobel. The final gaol scored by our vistors came in the 66th when the aforementioned Mr. Raynor scored his second fo the match. A late goal in the 87th minute by subisitute Freddy Erber gave the final score of 5-3, Elves Security Forces.

Our next match will be against Quintessence of Dust, a team previously beaten earlier by the final score of 2-0. For Torat, god what a unmittigated imbecile he is, and the GREEN WOMBAT PAPER THING OF HAPPY NEWS, a truly horrific name, this is Hank English, wishing that i never have to do this again.

Assegai Developments

20-04-2007, 00:44

The Crimson Blade
Assegai Draws with Starblaydia

Despite pushing a 1-0 lead to the 80th minute, Assegai Developments was unable to completely exorcise old demons in the form of Starblaydia in front of a largely disappointed home crowd.

Assegai keeper Akihiko Yoshida made an uncharacteristic and rare mistake when he failed to clear the ball cleanly after a Starblaydia attack; his wayward kick landing at the feet of a Starblaydia forward, who didn’t hesitate to blast a shot into the suddenly open net.

After the game, Yoshida was inconsolable and left the field with his face in his gloves, surrounded by his teammates, who tried in vain to assuage his distress.

“Yeah, Akihiko made a mistake that cost us all three points, but, we all make mistakes from time to time,” said midfielder and team captain Ashley Riot. “He understands that well, but his reaction also points out the pressure we all faced on the field tonight; trying to defeat a team that absolutely butchered us in the past.”

Assegai took the lead in the 21st minute when forward Sidney Losstarot (playing instead of usual starter Severus Snape) managed to curve a shot over a few Starblaydian defenders after eluding the man marking him.

The draw, coupled with a loss in the previous game, leaves Assegai on the verge of two possibilities—one point from second place (and automatic qualification to the NSWC) or a potential slip to fifth place and disaster.

“We can’t afford to have any more slipups,” muttered Snape after the match. “Anything else but wins the rest of the way, or we might as well proclaim ourselves an utter farce.”

Match Summary

(34) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/assegai_developments.png Assegai Developments 1

(21) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/starblaydia.png Starblaydia 1

[AD]
Sidney Losstarot (21’)

[STA]
http://forums.offtopic.com/images/smilies/dunno.gif (80')

Yellow Cards:
AD- Fleur Delacour (18’)

Red Cards:
None

Assegai Developments

20-04-2007, 01:15

The Crimson Blade
The Second Time Around…

There was a shakeup in the Assegai Developments lineup as they prepare to begin the second half of qualifying for the NationStates World Cup XXXIV. The Riskbreakers travel to Marceau State to face the team that held them to an upsetting 2-2 draw at Assegai that got the team off to a shaky start in qualifying.

Here is the roster that was posted on the team’s website by Assegai Manager Sir Knight Edgard Zúniga before the team left for Marceau State.

Goaltender
#3 Callo Merlose – (Char Sara Inferno, Elves Security Forces)

Defenders
#4 Francis Rowe – (Sutina Saints, Fort Europe)
#8 Romeo Guildenstern – (Ascama United, Fort Europe)
#22 Jan Rosencrantz - (Ascama United, Fort Europe)
#25 Stephen Maison – (Assegai Developments F.C.)

Midfielders
#31 Alys Spicer – (Matata Wanderers, Fort Europe)
#10 Ashley Riot (C) – (Assegai Developments F.C.)
#69 Fleur Delacour (Assegai Developments F.C.)

Forwards
#11 Sidney Losstarot – (Mar Sara Flames, Elves Security Forces)
#18 Stephen de Cobham – (Assegai Developments F.C.)
#8 Ursula Goode – (Cathedral Phantoms F.C.)

Reserves
GK #42 Akihiko Yoshida – (Rinaldi Gunners, Elves Security Forces)
GK #1 Winnefred Save – (Cathedral Spooks D.C.)
DEF #76 John Hardin – (D.S. Assegai)
DEF #70 Barnard Mallowburne – (S.C. Vagrant Hills)
DEF #7 John Müllenkamp – (Cathedral Phantoms F.C.)
DEF #2 A.J. Durai – (A.C. Leá Monde)
DEF #32 Anne Saye – (Fort Lakaria City, Fort Europe)
MID #56 Joshua Bardorba – (S.C. Vagrant Hills)
MID #13 Duke Bardorba – (S.C. Vagrant Hills)
MID #32 Agatha Denys – (A.C. Leá Monde)
MID #45 Duane Grissom – (Kibuye F.C., The Interahamwe)
FWD #33 Viktor Krum – (Assegai Developments F.C.)
FWD #5 Severus Snape – (F.C. Capri, Elves Security Forces)
FWD #20 Samantha Neesa – (Char Sara Inferno, Elves Security Forces)
FWD #9 Dominic Saint-Émilion – (Rinaldi Gunners, Elves Security Forces)

Keeper Callo Merlose returned to the starting lineup in place of Akihiko Yoshida, who was listed as a healthy scratch. Up top, forward Sidney Losstarot remained in the lineup and was joined by Stephen de Cobham at center forward and Ursula Goode at right wing, replacing Viktor Krum and Samantha Neesa.

Tonight’s Match

(55) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/marceau_state.png Marceau State

VS
(34) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/assegai_developments.png Assegai Developments

Mikaela Eyre Reporting

Milchama

20-04-2007, 01:31

Chi Sun-Times-Tribune-Domestic-Interntional-Star-News-Today

Sports Section

Non-Horse team runs wild

You know that might just be a pun but it's not supposed to be as the Milchama Warriors have rambled off to great victories back to back to stay in second in the group and feel good about themselves. Well now let's get on from the actual to the much more important thing, namely that Rovers Return, the horse, can talk.

He showed us first at a press conference a couple of days ago and since then has been bombarded with questions about many different topics some of which are obvious, i.e. "how many other talking horses are out there?", some of which are insightful, e.g. "is the 4 man strategy the best strat to take with you?" and some of which are weird ex: "have you ever killed a man?"

Rovers, as he preffered to be called, answers have been quite smart and insightful. Apparently Mongols have quite a few talking horses that they don't tell anybody about, for what seems to be no reason but we never know. The Milchamian calvalry (that's right we still have calvalry!) has found out that about 1 in 5 horses talk meaning the Milchama might just be an enchanted place. Either that or all horses can talk and humans are retards. We're leaning towards the latter but whatever.

Back to football, Hill still can't speak English and this team can play. They came to the National Team and beat the crap out of Acapais putting 4 past the keeper in the first half before taking their foot off the pedal in the second half and letting the Tigers (we don't fact check we just write!) (The Tigers are just a generic nickname) get one back in the second half. Brilliant play by both Belmowitz and Joseph who both bagged braces in this game.

Final Score:
Milchama 4 (Belmowitz 5, 34, Joseph 21, 43)
Acapais 1 (Jose 76)

The Stoners of Sativaville were waaaaaaaaaay to ready for 4/20 and didn't really even seem to be want to play. At least that's why we're assuming they didn't show up for this game so the Warriors played the Horses (also of Milchama) after 85 minutes up James "accidently" let two goals past him to give Milchama a 2-1 victory.

Final Score:
Milchama 2 (Joseph 85, 88)
Satvivaville (Return 12)

Cafundeu

20-04-2007, 01:38

O JUTENSE NEWSPAPER – ASSOCIATED WITH GLOBO MULTIMEDIA

WORLD CUP 34 QUALIFIERS COVERAGE
Match Report written by O Jutense editor, Milene Escobar
With phrases and images from Globo Multimedia’s coverage, commented by Breno Gavião

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CAFUNDÉU GETS AN IMPORTANT VICTORY AWAY

http://img217.imageshack.us/img217/8551/cafmj2np8.jpg
Cafundéu’s players commemorate the second goal

This game was very important for Group 5, as Cafundéu and Fmjphoenix are both battling for a place in the next World Cup, together with St Samuel and Atheistic Right. So, it was very disputed and complicated, but the Monopolists continued with their fame of “good” visitors and won another game playing away. The 2x0 result helps a lot the team in the road to the World Cup.

Now, with 12 points, the team is in the second position of the group, three points in front of St Samuel. The bad phase is now a thing of the past. Cafundéu’s next game will be against its main rivals in the group, St Samuel, the team who defeated Cafundéu in Carandirú City. Now the team will play away, so it’ll probably play better. With a victory, the team can take a good advantage, and just win the easier games to get a place in the most important football competition of the world.

THE GAME
Fmjphoenix’s players were nervous in the start of the game, and it became clear after they started to miss many passes in the midfield. Cafundéu was much more calm, and controlled the first minutes of the game, having some chances to score. Heitor invaded the area, but was hit by a slipper that came from the stands. The referee ignored it and Fmjphoenix took the ball back.

Minutes later, Heitor received the ball from Anormal in the midfield, dribbled an opponent and invaded the area. This time, he dribbled the slipper and shot, but the goalkeeper made a very good save. The hosts couldn’t react, and after many minutes of pressure, Barbosa crossed the ball to Dário, who gave it to Ray Kirs. The winger came running and shot the ball. The ball flied very fast and the goalkeeper didn’t even move. Goal. Read Breno Gavião’s comments:

“Cafundéu presses the opponent, and is better in the game now. Barrrrrbosa with the ball. He passes it to Dário, who is with his backs turrrrrned to the goal. He can’t turn arrrrround, so he passes the ball to Kirs, who comes rrrrrunning... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Look that again in the replay! Ray Kits, number three! Cafundéu one, Fmjphoenix zero!”

After scoring the goal on the twentieth minute, Cafundéu continued offensive, but had to be cautious, as Fmjphoenix finally started to get its passes right, and was dangerous. In one play, and attacker crossed the ball to the area and another player headed, but Durepox made an incredible save. In the end of the half, Kliek took a corner kick and Becão jumped, headed, and scored the goal. The first half ended 2x0. Read Breno Gavião:

“What do you look on a car? Comfort? Security? Beauty? Moderrrrrnity? Speed? The Rrrrrapidão has all these things and much more. Rrrrrapidão, one more car made by Velog Automobiles! Rrrrreturning to the game, it’s a corrrrrner kick to Cafundéu. Kliek takes it, Becão is the one to head it, and he is good at it... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Let’s see together the replay! Becão, number four! Cafundéu two, Fmjphoenix zero!”

http://img87.imageshack.us/img87/6995/semttulopz7.jpg
Referee John Amhar

Cafundéu was completely different in the second half. With Priotto, recovered from the bad effects of the altitude, entering in Barbosa’s place, the team was much more violent, and made many fouls to control the opponent, defending a lot. The strategy was effective, as Fmjphoenix tried to attack, but was held by Cafundéu’s tough defensive sector.

Fmjphoenix replied to Cafundéu’s violent game, fouling the visitor team’s players. For Cafundéu, Namarra, Léo Mattos and Heitor received yellow cards in the second half. After the twenty-fifth minute, a Fmjphoenix player was sent off for shooting a dog that entered in the field. He also was arrested for violence on animals, and had to pay a fine. Later, Kliek elbowed an opponent and was sent off too. Nefasto was furious with that situation. Read Breno Gavião:

“Now Cafundéu is with one player morrrrre, after a Fmjphoenix player was sent off. Poor dog, he is now in the hospital in bad conditions. The shot was violent and strrrrrong. Cafundéu attacks with Ijak, but he loses the ball. Kliek goes to hunt the opponent and... ooooohh! The Fmjphoenix player falls on the grrrrround, and the rrrrreferee comes to show the rrrrred card to Kliek!”

After the good interference of the referee, things calmed down a bit and the last minutes of the game showed no good plays. Heitor left the game injured. Anormal made an excellent game in the defensive sector, with good tackles and great positioning. The coach reinforced the defense with Alemão, as the victory was nearly guaranteed. The game ended, and the players commemorated another victory. Read Breno Gavião:

“And the game ends! Cafundéu two, Fmjphoenix zero! Now, I’ll tell the names of our sponsors! Festol Beer, Velog Automobiles, Limpol Toilet Paper, Qualhar Milk, Jerrrrrimum Frrrrruits and Agrrrrriculture prrrrroducts, C-Electrrrrronics, Caf-Computers, Khalid Rrrrrestaurants, Box Sports products, and much more! Thanks for watching us, and see you in the next game!”

AFTER THE GAME
Of course the Cafundelenses were very happy because of the good victory, and the reporters wanted to know what are their opinions about the game. The coach David Nefasto said: “Another great performance. We showed ability, will and strategy quality. It’s all we need to go to the World Cup. The only sad thing is that Kliek was sent off and that Heitor left the game injured. I think that he’ll be out for approximately two games. But we need to continue playing well without them.”

The defender Becão said: “It’s good to be considered a defender who can attack well. I scored today and it’s a great feeling. But I know that my true place is in the defense, and I’m proud to help the team.” The goalkeeper Durepox said: “Coming from the bench and becoming a starter of the team, substituting Júnior, a good player. All is going right for me, and the team is playing well too.” Namarra, a man of few words said: “Good victory, good.”

But something strange was happening on the staff of Cafundéu. Serginho Mallandro went to the dressing room and saw Pai Dinah, the paranormal spy, having some kind of vision. As Serginho doesn’t believe in the spy, he ignored him. But Pai Dinah said that he has some things to say about the groups. The CCFM denied the rumors that the spy predicted the end of the world.

http://img87.imageshack.us/img87/3363/cafmj1wb8.jpg
Players battle for the ball

FMJPHOENIX 0x2 CAFUNDÉU

Place: unknown place, in Fmjphoenix.
Attendance: ???.
Referee: John Amhar (Fort Europe).
MOTM: Anormal (Cafundéu).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/fmjphoenix.png FMJPHOENIX: no team released.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Durepox, Léo Mattos, Kirs, Becão and Namarra; Anormal, Barbosa (Priotto 45’), Dário and Kliek; Heitor (Renário 75’) and Ijak (Alemão 88’).
Coach: David Nefasto.

Goals:CAF: Kirs 20’ , Becão 43’.

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Cafundéu – formation for game against St Samuel: Durepox, Léo Mattos, Kirs, Becão and Sávio Ferrari; Anormal, Priotto, Dário and Falcus; Renário and Ijak.
Coach: David Nefasto
Style of +2

Match’s Referee: Fr. Lucas the Fair (The Archregimancy).

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Goalscorers after 6 Rounds:

7- G. Ijak
5- Heitor
2- Anormal, R. Kliek and Becão
1- R. Kirs, C. Falcus, Dário and Renário

(OOC: Pai Dinah’s predictions tomorrow (if it is a rest day). If it isn’t, his predictions will be divided, two groups per matchday).

Quakmybush

20-04-2007, 01:40

The Daily Quak
We Had To Lose Somtime......

The Quakmybush National Soccer Team played two more games in its quest for qualification in the 34th World Cup.

First up for the Sharks was Lovisa, a team who had a few past glories, that now, does very little but bottom feed in groups. The Sharks dominated the game early with Jon Fields tickling the twine. Then late in the first half Cory Sorley scored to make it 2-0 Quakmybush. Early in the second half, Quakmybush struck again when Matthew Graves found the net. Then in a weird situation the ball came rolling out to Greg Hughes who made no mistake and put the ball in the net. Then finally, late in the half Joey Sturm, who had just subbed in put one into the net.

The Sharks next match was against Northern Caesarea, the Sharks just didnt know what hit them, all of a sudden it was 2-0. The Sharks could not come back and lost the game 2-0.

The Sharks currently sit tied for first in their group, but behind on goal differential. The Sharks will next take on Gnjes.

Estresse Intenso

20-04-2007, 01:52

Estresse Intenso lost another game playing in the Sector-Delta Sporting Field. This time, against the Baptism of Fire champions, Kiryu-Shi. Doctor Rogério Landau was extremely sad.

DR. LANDAU – “Another loss at home. Our team is in a really bad form. I can’t believe in this situation. We’re in the last places of the group. I must admit that I was expecting more from my players.”

DR. SABIN – “I agree with you, boss. Even our best players, Bogdan and Gabalán, aren’t playing very well. Maybe our medicines are too strong for them to play well?”

DR. LANDAU – “No, we test the medicines to make sure that they won’t prejudice our players. They’re playing bad, only that.”

DR. SABIN – “But it was a good game, all the two hundred million seats of the special room were occupied. This game was a success.”

DR. LANDAU – “My dear, we lost. And we’re far away from a qualification spot.”

DR. SABIN – “(starts to cry) We won’t make it, boss, we won’t make it...”

DR. LANDAU – “Don’t cry, don’t cry. Please come with me.”

DR. SABIN – “To where? Not to the bar again, I don’t want to drink.”

DR. LANDAU – “I think that I’ll travel to another place, to my vacations, rest.”

DR. SABIN – “And what about our National Team? Will you stop to watch them?”

DR. LANDAU – “I don’t know. I’m deceptioned with the players. Maybe Gabalán isn’t playing well because he is living now in Cafundéu. Those monarchists hate us, and want to destroy our country. Now Carlos Alberto is there, buying things and having fun in that country of sins. One day those Cafundelenses will get what they deserve!”

DR. SABIN – “Stay calm, boss.”

DR. LANDAU – “Stop calling me boss. My name is Rogério. Will you come with me?”

DR. SABIN – “Yes, I will.”

DR. LANDAU – “So, let’s go. There is no time to waste.”

(OOC: Kiryu-Shi's description of the Sector-Delta Sporting Field was perfect)

Zwangzug

20-04-2007, 02:03

The Bangkok Scoresheet Newsroom:

"U r ¬lod 2 cut up the nams of l the tems in the grup, glu them 2 the papur, & cal it a tabel??"

"It's xpresn of the kotic stat of lif. & grup 7."

"Rit...so...the last game?"

"Dans2revolu10 tid w/Kampfers."

"...R cuntry's last gam?"

"Y r u fix8d on a stupid na10?"

"Hav u ben listening 2 that basbal anouncer."

"Mab."

"Luk, 2 gols from Maughum and 1 from Stings. Altern8ing w/2 from the other tem. Lots of ofens. Interesting, rit...Olson even got a red card."

"U, can we put picturs in."

Getting his co-worker to even consider the game they were supposed to be covering had become a triumph. "No...it wuz 4 maling a photographer hu got "in his bubl"..."

Sel Appa

20-04-2007, 03:34

Turtles Complete First Leg

Sel Appa completed the first leg of the NSWC34 Qualifiers with a 3-1 win over Schorisalami. This win keeps Sel Appa solidly in second place behind Jeruselem, with a 4-1-1 record totaling 13 points. Fifteen goals were scored and eight conceded so far, for a nice +7 goal difference. The Turtles open the second leg by visiting Oglethorpia for what is an expected win. So far, the team has done very well and should continue to do so and easily qualify for the second time in a row. Coach Charles DuPont expressed much happiness and eagerness and other -nesses about the team's run so far. He expects it to continue and even improve with a win against the HURD and a draw against Jeruselem and the other 4 matches being wins.

Good Luck!

Kiryu-shi

20-04-2007, 04:27

Halfway Through Qualifiers, Kiryu-shi Attempts to Create a Run Towards Playoff Spot

By Michio Hibbert

Sakaino, Kiryu-shi Through the first six matches of qualifying, Kiryu-shi has stayed afloat in Group Three, winning two games with one draw to finish with seven points, enough for fourth in the group. Their one nil win over Estresse Intenso marked the first time they ever won against a team with a higher rank than they had, and they will have to get a couple more of those in order to hope to get into third place in the group for a possible playoff birth. Lovisa is very beatable for the Dragons, and if they can steal a win from Estresse Intenso or Northern Caesaria, they could finish with 16 points, enough to possibly make the playoffs with the collapse of current third place team Northern Caesaria, who has 13 points at this point. Kiryu-shi, however, might not be able to bounce back if they lose in a home blowout against Bettia, which is a distinct possibility after losing seven to one in their first meeting. Bettia poses a challenge for the Kiryu-shi defenders, as they need to be able to neutralize the amazing offense of Bettia. Kiryu-shi coaches and scouts have apparently been studying the tapes of Bettia's games, including their loss against Quakmybush, in which they did not look as dominating as they normally do. Playing at home will hopefully help the Dragons focus more than they did the first match. Stealing a draw here would help their chances incredibly, and provide a confidence boost to the young team. Quakmybush lost their last game, showing signs that they are not perfect, and after Kiryu-shi played them close in the first game, the Dragons may have a shot to possibly take a point there at well. A lot of breaks will have to fall for Kiryu-shi to make the three spot, and players will really have to step up their game, but the dream for WC 34 is still alive.

OOC: Estresse Intenso, thanks, but it was your description in the roster thread was too cool not to pay attention to/rp for. It was fun :)

The Archregimancy

20-04-2007, 05:02

THE MONASTIC TIMES

MOST OF TURRUTH GORDUR TEAM EXPELLED
Attempted Ass Sacrifice Unites Archregimancy

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

Amidst extraordinary scenes at the Dreamed Stadium last night, almost the entire Turruth Gordur team, except for goalkeeper Gorbag Madril, was immediately expelled from the Archregimancy after team manager Gorgol 'the butcher' Harad attempted to sacrifice a virgin donkey to his foul heathen gods in the middle of a liturgical protest by the Monastic Association Against Donkey Exploitation.

Despite their concerns over the rumoured continued use of ass-chasing and attempted ass-kicking training technique by the national squad, MAADE members and football authorities immediately united behind the security forces' decision to expel the visiting barbarians so as to save the innocent donkey's life. "The sanctions for committing violence within the Archregimancy are clear" said a senior archimandrite, speaking on condition of anonymity, "and we would have rather forfeited the game than to have seen innocent blood spilled in this demonic ritual."

To the surprise of many, not least the visiting goalkeeper, the match was allowed to proceed following the referee's ruling that at least one member of the visiting team remained, and that the Archregimancy authorities were within their legal rights to expel the Turruth Gordur squad for attempted blood sacrifice. Madril protested strongly that the match should be replayed at a neutral venue - preferably Northern Bettia - but was forced to stop his protest after he was shown a yellow card for arguing with the official.

Events rapidly descended into further farce with the whistle for kick-off, as Fr. Innocent of Ariddia scored the first and only goal within 45 seconds of kick-off (it would have been 15 seconds but for the need for all Archregimancy players to stay behind the ball so as to avoid the offside trap), only for the home team to then sit on the ball in their own half for the remaining 89 minutes. "We wanted as little to do with the opposition as possible" said team captain Fr. Constantine the First-Called "and if that means avoiding them entirely, then so be it." Madril seemed content to sit on his own goal line for the duration of the match, perhaps concerned that any attempt to engage with the home team would see them unleash a barrage of goals on his net.

Monastic Football Association officials are said to be calling for the return leg to be moved to a neutral venue 'so as to avoid widespread donkey sacrifice' in the return leg. "We would prefer Errinundera" said source close to the team. "We may disagree with the potoroos profoundly on matters of faith, but at least they know how to treat their wildlife."

Turruth Gordur

20-04-2007, 05:18

From the desk of Gorgol "The Butcher" Harad:

Those silly monks... Those silly monks... They were so afraid to play us that they had us all expelled. What cowards. I can't wait for the return leg in the massive Timorlug Dome. We shall treat the monks with the same respect and hospitality they extended toward us. Even if we were all expelled off the pitch, we wandered around the stadium for a bit before we were called over by a shady fellow wearing blue tights, a red cape and a silly mask. He called himself Nacho. He took us to a... ah... you thought I would tell you. I won't! I'll just say there was a lot of ass to go around. Those silly monks...

Jeruselem

20-04-2007, 05:22

Dazza's YAP YAP

Halfway to the finals in Dazza's bike ...

This is the Village Bike, you know the Jeruselem coach! Not the robot version. It's the halfway mark of the World Cup 34, and all's going to plan for Jeruselem. Apart losing to the HURD, we've swept the competion away so far. The big problem of losing captain Monique Alexander who has to sit around at home watching the team hasn't been a real issue, as the team had carried on and recent big wins prove this.

Our closest competition Sel Appa, the lovable turtles - they are doing well too. One loss to them (to us) and one draw but otherwise they are playing well. I think they will finish 2nd. On the tail, two teams the HURD and Oglethorpia are fighting on in third and fourth spot. These teams have three wins each and look a lot better than the team I can't spell. I think the final table for Group 6 will look like it looks now.

Speaking of losses, my counterpart Dazza Deux is looking forward to playing the HURD. She wants to prove Jeruselem robots play better than ones from the HURD, and hey she's sexier too. She's the kind of cyborg you want to meet.

In Group 3, Bettia and the Quakmybush team lead the way with five wins and one loss. Northern Caesarea are a close third, and rookies Kiryu-Shi a distant fourth. Kiryu-Shi have been impressive but the top 3 here are looking enough to keep them at bay in the end from there. Well done to Kiryu-Shi still.

Group 7 and Lions are doing a lot better! They are 2nd to err Algal States. This group is not like Group 3 and 6 where the top teams are running amok. It's close! Firstly Qazox and Squornshelous are 4th and 5th, not 1st and 2nd. Algal States lead Nedalia, with Zwangzug 3rd. There is only 6 points between 1st and 5th, 8 points between 1st and last. Look at Group 6, Jeruselem is 14 points ahead the poor old Macabees. Picking Group 7? You can't, as everyone has chance there with underperforming seeds and good rookies. The top 5 in group have three wins each and it's close. GO NEDALIA.

Perfect team is in Group 11 - Schiavonia! The home of lovely Isla Blige, and with six wins. Bazalonia are playing 2nd fiddle with 1 loss. I can't do any naughty photo shoots with Isla as I'm pregnant at the moment, so just wait guys. Maybe my double can fill in, get it? Never mind.

Err, there's a video of me in a bathtub making funny noises on the web. OK, it is me ... I do funny things in hotel rooms sometimes. Don't ask me why there's always cameras in bathrooms when I'm around. My daughter Kate played her first football game. Actually she spent most of the time sitting on the bench, and played for like five minutes. Still, she scored a goal on debut.

We play the nice Elves in Jeruselem on the bye day, match day 9. People come along and make an idiot of yourselves, I do.

Jeruselem don't train the team by having a bunch of footballers chasing some animal, like a donkey or ass. The guys just chase the girls around outside of training, so we don't need training like this. That's probably why we have so many kids around here.

P W D L F A PTS
Jeruselem 6 5 0 1 24 7 15
Sel Appa 6 4 1 1 15 8 13
the HURD 6 3 2 1 12 7 11
Oglethorpia 6 3 1 2 6 6 10
Schort… 6 1 3 2 8 13 6
Rg. Penguins 6 1 0 5 9 18 3
Macabees 6 0 1 5 7 23 1

Alasdair I Frosticus

20-04-2007, 08:27

The Oneiromancer sez....

This here be an RP CUT-OFF

And this here be a link to the scores (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12562397&postcount=10)

St Samuel

20-04-2007, 10:14

International Friendly
St Samuel (0) 2
Di Sicci 51
Sensini 76
Liverpool England (2) 4
Carson 40, 68, 88
Fair 44

After a tough few weeks for St Samuel in the World Cup Qualifiers, todays friendly against Liverpool England was a nice change to the frantic paced and huge pressure that goes with Qualifying fixtures. Having now lost three games on the trot in the Group 5 fixtures, manager Louis Della Penzzi had a chance to experiment with different players and tactics. With all ten outfield players swapped St Samuel were giving a good chance to the reserve players to prove themselves.

St Samuel team:

GK:Niclas Corinthian
CD: Jermaine Siddacious
CD: Ozzy Mantrapauli
LD: Fabrizio Xinto
RD: Jody Mason
CM: Giuseppe Louardi
CM: Mario Persarddi
RM: Idrian Colkamari
LM: Loui Bella-Tumouri
CF: Maximus De Sicci
CF: Giuseppe Abellardo

Liverpool England team: (Sorry, unable to find your WC33 squad, hope the WC32 squad is ok)

14. Jake WILKINSON
2. Rolano HUSEK
4. Dale CORRELL
12. Kristoffer YANLI
5. Eugene KÜPPEL
6. Jeff HOUSER
15. Roger HARDEN
8. DAMION
9. Giovanni TOULMIN
10. Seth FAIR
11. Cory CARSON

St Samuel put up a valiant fight against high ranking side but suffered a 4-2 defeat. St Samuel defended well and manged to hold the scoreline level until the 40th minute. A quickly taken free kick by Damion caught the St Samuel defence napping and Cory Carson rounded Corinthian well and scored easily to make it 1-0.

Minutes before half time a fantastic show of Roger Harden’s blistering pace and a well-placed header from Seth Fair made the score 2-0. St Samuel offered very little in the way of an attacking threat in the first half and at the half time break Dexter St John and Leo Sensini came on.

The two substitues quickly showed there worth and a well worked solo run by Sensini in the 51st minute and an unselfish pass to Di Sicci who manage to place the ball in the far corner of the goal. 2-1.

St Samuel continued the pressure and this led to a counter attack by Liverpool England. Toulmin ran with the ball for thirty yards before switching the ball over to Carson, who hit the ball first time smashing the ball into the roof of the net on the 68th minute.

The Latin Crusaders dug deep and some well worked attacks and quick feet by Sensini, saw some good efforts. St Samuels second goal finally came in the 76th minute when the ball came to Sensini around the half way line, he rounded Damion and then Yanli, one-two'd the ball with St John and then smashed the ball from 25 yards out, the shot went like a rocket and Wilkinson did well to get a hand to the ball, but was not able to divert the shot enough and the score was 3-2.

Once again St Samuel were caught on the break and this time Fair found himself one-on-one with Corinthian, but his shot was palmed away by a great save, the ball fell to Carson who hit the ball first time from outside the box, whilst Corinthian was still recovering from the first shot and could do nothing about the shot. 4-2 with two minutes left.

The full time whistle went and overall St Samuel played well against a by far superior team. St Samuel face Cafundeu next at home in a World Cup Qualifier in a must win match. Manager Della Penzzi has asked the St Samuel fans to come out and really get behind the team.

St Samuel

20-04-2007, 10:20

Group 5 Qualifier

St Samuel (1) 3
St John 9 (Pen)
Di Sicci 76
Bezzi-Louaza 82
Cafundeu (1) 1
Ijak 27

St Samuel starting line up: Corinthian, Rock, Monte-Pellaino, Le Ricco, Zaggi, Sensini, De Villion, Bezzi-Louaza, Batista, St John and Di Sicci

Cafundeu starting line up: Durepox, Léo Mattos, Kirs, Becão and Sávio Ferrari; Anormal, Priotto, Dário and Falcus; Renário and Ijak.

The celebrations in St Samuel are ablaze and the city streets are alive with joy. Around the capital, St Maria, hundreds of thousands have taken to the streets and a real carnival atmosphere has taken place after the Cafundeu match. It was predicted that Cafundeu, with there good away form, would be the stronger of the two sides, but a gritty performance by the Latin Crusaders saw a very important three points which most in St Samuel hoped for, but didn't expect to get, especially after three poor results.

St Samuel could not have wished for a better start when Dexter St John casually chipped a penalty in off the crossbar after Di Sicci had won the spot-kick with a fall when Léo Mattos appeared to catch his foot as he came across to challenge on the 9th minute.

But Cafundeu recovered well from their unfortunate start and the industrious Anormal and Ijak quickly began to set the tempo of the game. Through Anormal's dead-ball delivery, they were soon on level terms. The Cafundeu midfield maestro whipped over a corner from the right and Ijak thumped a header past Niclas Corinthian to make it 1-1 after 27 minutes.

St Samuel failed to learn their lesson. Moments later Ijak saw another header cleared off the line by Tyrone Rock before Renario nodded onto the bar - both efforts from Anormal corners.

Maximus Di Sicci, making his second World Cup Qualifier start, had had a quiet first half, but he burst into life after the break with two turbo-charged runs that struck fear into the heart of the Cafundeu defence.

It was a more open match than many had predicted and both teams were attacking with gusto, though Cafundeu came within a whisker of taking the lead when Ijak was adjudged offside after heading in a Priotto free-kick.

At the other end Di Sicci was causing problems with his pace and Durepox had to be alert to parry away a snap-shot from the St Samuel striker.

St Samuel began to dominate after the hour mark and it appeared Cafundeu had stepped down a gear. Bezzi-Louaza was only kept out by a last-ditch Leo Mattos tackle before Leo Sensini poked agonisingly wide and Durepox tipped De Villion's header over.

It was Maximus Di Sicci that put St Samuel in front on the 76th minute, a fantastic through ball by De Villion to St John, who squared the ball over to Di Sicci, who then dinked the ball over Durepox, who managed to just get a finger tip to the ball, but not enough to convert the goal. And it was Bezzi-Louaza that got the third and final goal on the 82nd minute when he connected with a Batista corner and headed in beating Durepox to make the score line 3-1.

The win was massive morale booster for the Latin Crusaders having lost the last three games and keeps them in contention in Group 5. Manager Louis Della Penzzi was delighted with his players spirit and determination and singled out Maximus Di Sicci for his hard work. Cafundeu, St Samuel and Fmjphoenix are now all level on 12 points and St Samuel travel to Fmjphoenix next in what is a must win match for both teams.

Bettia

20-04-2007, 10:50

Ah yes, now THIS is the life.

It's a day when the lovely late spring sunshine is surpassed only by the football currently on show by the Aroras. The fans that made the trip to Kiryu-Shi, the millions more that have packed into football grounds and town squares throughout the nation, and the billions that have tuned in around the world are being treated to a veritible feast of football.

Of course, it goes without saying that the ten-goal thriller that the two teams have served up is being enjoyed in the Pie and Pixie, the most famous sports café in Bettia, and perhaps even the world now. Every seat is taken, and so is every square foot of free floor space. It's a good job the café's owner Ali has just installed a new aircon system, otherwise things could get rather sticky.

As the final whistle approaches to signal an end to Bettia's enthralling 6-4 win, Ali sits himself down and grabs his copy of today's Gabalfa Observer. He lazily leafs through the pages - politics, today's weather forecast (it's sunny, just as it always is), national and international current affairs, and of course sport. While briefly skimming over the latest Apex League news, one story in particular jumps out and grabs him - it's a special feature examining the events surrounding matches of the nation's puppets, Northern Bettia. Ali reads through it carefully and has a little chuckle to himself.

"Heh. Those guys'll try anything. Looks like it's working too."

"It's probably the Oneiromancer's work!"

Ali looked around to see a familiar levitating little girl reading the paper over his shoulder, before slumping forward and burying his head in his hands.

"Oh great - I'm hallucinating again!" he groaned loudly.

The little girl grinned. "Hello mister! Good match today, yes?"

"Fatarani, what have I told you about saying HIS name out loud?"

Ali turned around and looked - sure enough, Fatarani's elder sister Junilun is standing right behind him with her arms crossed, and glaring angrily at her with her large dark eyes. Fatarani's head drooped a little.

"You said never to say the Oneiromancer's name out loud otherwise he'll come and bite my head off." she said timidly.

Junilun tutted. "You said it again."

"What? Oneiromancer?"

"Yes! Stop it!"

"Oneiromancer! Oneiromancer! Oneiromancer!"

"STOP IT!"

"Both of you stop it!" Ali snapped angrily, causing the customers nearest the counter to turn and look at them. "Just what the hell is going on? And what is this Oneiromancer thing anyway?"

"You mean you don't know?" Junilun replied, her eyebrows raised quizzically. Ali shook his head. "Well, to be honest, I don't know for sure neither. None of us do."

"And who is this 'us' anyway, little girl?" Fat Evan asked whilst dabbing his head with his handkerchief. Fatarani's face burst into a huge grin and she floated excitedly over to him.

"Wow, you're big! Are you pregnant?" she asked cheekily before sticking her head into his stomach for a few seconds, then pulling it out again. "No, it's just fat. Eeeeeew!"

Naturally, the faces of Evan and his mates were rapidly turning a pale shade of white after just seeing this unnatural event. Meanwhile, Junilun tutted and shook her head.

"Me and my sister Fatarani are Jinn. Ifrit, to be exact."

"Ifrit?" the entire café seemed to say in a shocked chorus.

"Relax fleshling, we're not evil. If we were evil, this entire city would have been a smouldering pile of rubble long before now!"

Ali gulped, half-shocked by Junilun's matter-of-fact way of explaining her nature, and half-relieved that he really wasn't going la-la after all.

"So, um. What's this you were saying about the Oneiromancer bloke?"

Fatarani giggled. "You said the O word!" Junilun ignored her and answered Ali.

"Like I said, we don't really know. Some say he was once an ordinary fleshling who became obsessed with dark magic until it completely consumed him. Some say he's an Ifrit like us, a powerful one - perhaps even more powerful than Satan himself. Those are just baseless rumours though. He's probably something completely different. Or maybe he doesn't even exist. Who knows? According to legend, he was banished into the Void after being defeated in battle by Alasdair I Frosticus - of course if this is true, this happened long before I was born."

"And how many centuries ago was that?"

"Ooh, I dunno. Six, maybe seven. I lost count when I hit five-hundred-and-something. When you're grown up like me, birthdays don't matter as much as they do for children like Fatarani."

"I'm not a child!" Fatarani pouted, just like the last time. "I'm 237!"

"Oh yes, I forgot! Stay there!" Ali shouted as he ran into the kitchen, leaving the stunned customers to stare at the two visitors, their mouths gaping open. A minute or so later, Ali returned holding a small chocolate cake with a single candle on top.

"Happy birthday!"

Fatarani's eyes lit up wide with delight.

"It's CHOCOLATE!!" she screamed as she greedily snatched the cake and proceeded to stuff the whole thing into her mouth.

"Fatarani!" Junilun snapped. Fatarani looked up

"Yeff ffiffter?" she spluttered, sending bits of cake flying everywhere.

"What do you say to the nice old fleshling?" Junilun said as she brushed off a couple of crumbs which had nestled themselves on her ample round breasts.

"Thank you mister!"

"That's okay." Ali replied happily before turning back to Junilun. "Going back to that Oneiromancer - what does that have to do with what Fatarani said about the Fire Ants earlier."

"Oh that. Some people say that the Oneiromancer can influence the weak-willed, even from the depths of the Void. It certainly explains a lot of what's been going on in their matches. Ever since they came into being, they've delighted in cheating and using dirty underhand tactics to gain the upper hand. Then of course we have those shameful events in Mekhule - I mean, what possess a normally chaste girl like Sasha Bry to seek out a gang of hooligans and drag them back to her hotel room for a televised orgy?"

Fatarani interrupted them "Erm, mister? What's an orgy?"

"Never you mind." Ali replied tersely.

"Yes Fatarani, that's not the sort of thing a child should know about."

"I'M NOT A CHILD!!!"

"Anyway, then there was those tricks they used against The Archregimancy - the donkeys, the chants, the burning of the fake icons. The Oneiromancer is said to be the sworn enemy of the Dreamed Realm, and he must have been delighted to see these take place."

"But I've always put those antics down to the Northern Bettians being complete and utter bastards. What makes you think this Oneiromancer has anything to do with all this."

"Evil will always seek to gain a foothold in any world it can. It could be that Northrtn Bettia is that foothold. And besides..." Junilun said as she shook her head sadly. "Terrible things are taking place in our realm."

"The realm of the Jinn?"

"Yes. For many thousands of years there has always been a balance of good and evil, but recently that has shifted badly. Evil is spreading at an alarming rate, so much so that our entire realm is on the brink of war. With this in mind, the Ifrit Grand Shura has decided to take drastic action."

With that, Junilun took Fatarani's hand. "Come on sister, say goodbye to the fleshlings."

"Goodbye mister! Goodbye fat man!"

Ali stepped forward. "Wait a minute. What drastic action?"

"Just watch the Az-cz match."

And with that they were gone in an instant, leaving the Pie and Pixie in a stunned silence. Ali sat down in his chair.

"Bloody hell, I'm 79 - I'm too old for this good vs. evil nonsense..."

Fixtures / Results

MD..OPPONENT................VENUE...RESULT

Qualifying Group 3

01: Kiryu-Shi...............HOME....W 7-1
02: BYE
03: Quakmybush..............Away....L 1-3
04: Gnejs...................Away....W 5-2
05: Estresse Intenso........HOME....W 5-2
06: Northern Caesarea.......Away....W 3-2
07: Lovisa..................HOME....W 4-2
08: Kiryu-Shi...............Away....W 6-4
09: Az-cz...................HOME.... (Friendly)
10: Quakmybush..............HOME....
11: Gnejs...................HOME....
12: Estresse Intenso........Away....
13: Northern Caesarea.......HOME....
14: Lovisa..................Away....

Jeruselem

20-04-2007, 13:49

<A document left lying around in dressing room used by the Jeruselem team>

Jeruselem FA Notice to World Cup 34 players and staff

The following applies to all staff and players involved in the World Cup 34 with the exception of Mrs Dazza Dallas who has a special agreement with the Jeruselem FA. Those who object to the Dazza being the exception should be informed Dazza had a special agreement set up since World Cup 30. Please note Dazza Deux or Hilary Deux is also on special contract, she is in the team for testing new technology developed by Jerusalem Cybernetics Corporation. The team reporters are Dinkie and Dazza now as Monique is permanently out of the team.

(1) Each person is allocated rooms to themselves while on away trips with the exception of married couples who can share a room.
(2) Each person must honour current sponsorship agreements with the Jeruselem FA and not enter into unauthorised sponsorship agreements.
(3) No act of procreation is allowed during the duration of the World cup including the pre-cup preparations and until the completion of the World Cup. This applies to the married couples too.
(4) Each person may not participate in any activity leading to obscene or degrading behaviour including violence, public nudity and incorrect derogatory comments towards other people. The "Licence to Thrill" provision applies only to JGN reporters and people on special agreements. Yes, Dazza is allowed to naked on TV if people ask.
(5) Each person may not seek favourable outcomes using unofficial means especially procuring sexual favours from the persons in question. This is important considering the current manager/coach is serial nymphmaniac.
(6) No confidential information which involves the organisation of the Jeruselem World Cup 34 campaign is to be disclosed to third parties except through official channels.
(7) The position of captain and vice-captain is decided by the current manager/coach, who has the ability to change holders of these positions when needed.
(8) Each person must wear officially the perscribed uniforms and sports gear assigned to them when required. Only people on special agreements and JGN reporters have exceptions to this.
(9) Please obey the 10PM curfew. This is to ensure all players and staff can be accounted for next morning. If you cannot make the curfew, please inform officials if you cannot do so.
(10) If a female player is to be found to be pregnant, she will be removed from the team. Female staff are allowed to be pregnant, and the manager/coach and assistant coach are staff not players. Some people are staff and players, and both sets of rules apply to them equally.
(11) Due to the religous mix in the team, all people are reminded not to push or assert their religious views upon others. Respect each other's religious opinions but do make it an issue in this team.
(12) In the past, some resented the presence of unusually gendered team members. Transgender and "gay" people are not to be discriminated against. They are part of the Jeruselem team and not to be make unwelcome.
(13) Don't sexually harass the other people especially world cup officials, referees, foreigners and people you don't know. Leave that to current coach, she's better than anyone in doing that.
(14) Virtual Strumpet is not a football product, anyone who wants to appear in that product should ask Dazza not the Jeruselem FA.

Thank you for your attention

Jill Shehan
Jeruselem FA lawyer

Tynelia

20-04-2007, 16:12

Gina Gibbons: Hello everyone and welcome to Coach Chat, a regular feature of Tynelian News Network’s sports programming. Today its soccer time as we welcome back our regulars former Tynelian national coaches Adam Billington, Jim Tudor and Marcus O’Meara. Hello again Coaches and what a match today!

Billington and Tudor: Thanks Gina.

O’Meara: <loudly> what?

Gibbons: The new look Tynelian attack sure looked good out there today. A dominating 5-1 win over UIE with a pair of goals by both Connor MacDougal and Tina Conroy making the most of her move to the striker’s spot. The last tally was a milestone for the Masterson family as young Jay Jr. made he and his father the first father-son combination to both score in Hippo international soccer history. And Sean MacDougal looked rested in net allowing only a meaningless goal late. A scary moment late however as the veteran reserve midfielder Tom Tippen appears to have injured himself late in the match and had to be taken out.

Billington: I agree Gina, the team looked much more aggressive out there. Connor went back to focusing on his own game and not what his brother Duncan was doing and Tina was all over the place. In fact I think that second goal already made Tina the all time female scoring leader.

Tudor: Indeed quite a feat for the young lady and more importantly a big win for the team that had struggled a bit in the first half of qualifiers. Now they have to keep it up against West Pasco in another big match.

O’Meara: <loudly> I don’t like this willy-nilly running around scoring left and right. We’re not bedistan ya know. It’s a good defense that wins for you not leaving all kinds of openings on the field for the other team. I bet if we only scored three we wouldn’t have given up that late goal and kept the shutout.

Gibbons: West Pasco, as you said Adam, is certainly the surprise of the group, a close third only a point behind us after upsetting Commerce Heights who now trail us by 4. This seems to be a different team than the one we beat the first time around.

Tudor: Quite so, in fact after a 0-0-2 start they’ve won four of their last five. Quite an impressive showing one must say. At least we will have the home pitch edge. This will be quite a tricky match.

Billington: Actually Jim, I think this win over CH will help us. Look at how Tynelia faltered after pulling off a draw with CH only to lose the next match. West Pasco’s win might be the best thing to happen for us. With them coming here I think the stage is set for a good performance by us and a good chance to get some breathing space in the group.

O’Meara: <loudly> I told you I don’t like tacos, they give me gas, and let me tell you when you’re 77 years old that’s a serious problem. Now if the team decides to play some defense again everything will be fine.

Gibbons: Rorysville continues to impress, maintaining its lead after a 2-1 win over Yafopr 2, can they go the distance?

O’Meara:<loudly> I told you all about Rorysville, won the wooden spoon back in the day for worst BoF record ever, no way they will win!

Billington: Coach, that was a long time ago remember?

O’Meara: <loudly> don’t take that tone with me boy, I remember it like it was yesterday!

Tudor: To answer your question Gina, Rorysville still has two tests remaining with rematches with ourselves and Commerce Heights. They will need to win one of them I would say to ensure a top two finish. Plus I believe Coach Masterson will have the team ready to avenge its earlier loss.

Gibbons: Thanks Jim. Time seems to be running short so let’s get a look at the final results of last week’s poll where we asked you to make your pick as Tynelia’s best Coach ever. And here they are on your screen.

Jay Masterson- 55%
Adam Billington- 19%
Marcus O’Meara- 16%
Jim (Greg) Tudor- 9%
Seamus Flannigan O’Connoll-1%

Gibbons: Well that’s not really much of a surprise I would think. As the most recognizable face in Tynelian soccer and the only coach to make the World Cup it was expected that Jay Masterson would finish on top though it was a surprise he won by so much. Coach O’Meara finishing a strong third was a bit of a surprise.

O’Meara: <loudly> Nonsense young lady, these people know who got the ball rolling and taught Adam and Jay everything I knew. So you can say its Marcus O’Meara 90% of the vote and thanks to all my fans who knows what it was like coaching in the old days!

Billington: <laughs> Sure thing coach, at least people recognized my part in building up this team. Some of my players are still on the current squad so I’d like to think I played a part in last cup’s success.

Tudor: Quite a shock, I must say finishing fourth and all. I suppose proper British reserve isn’t the cup of tea the voters wanted in their coach. And who voted for the madman I want to know?

Gibbons: Well that’s something we’ll never know coach because all voting was confidential. But that’s all the time we have for today. Thanks for joining me again here on Coach Chat gentlemen and I’ll see you all here next time.

Coaches: Thanks Gina.

<camera goes back to the studio>

<meanwhile in Tynelian Maximum security prison watching on the rec room TV>

Seamus Flannigan O’Connoll: Those bloody Brit lovin’ arse kissing Tynelians dinna know what a REAL coach cn’ do. Damn Tudor royal pain in the arse who couldna kick his own damn way out of a bloody paper bag getting more votes than me?!?! I voted for meself hundreds of times. Masterson? Bah- another brit wannabe, I coached him and made the lazy bastage run laps fer stinkin’ up the field an’ he’s the best! Bloody ‘ell!

St Samuel

20-04-2007, 19:39

St Samuel Sports Channel advert for World Cup 34, can be viewed on Youtube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J8hjUfS6dBM

Elves Security Forces

20-04-2007, 20:51

Elven Times
One Strike, Two Stike, Three Strike, Four!

Bang bang and away the Marauders continue to go. These performances every matchday where they just completely outplay their oppenents is astonishing, espicially when you consider the history of the squad. They have always performed well in the matches against the superior oppenents, but have struggled mightily when trying to take down squads of equal or lesser talent than they. This was even supposed to be a down tournament, as many of the stars from Cups of past hung up their international boots after thier run into the quarters of thirty-three. All cyclinders are clicking as the offence has bagged twenty eight goals and the defence has only allowed nine in the seven matches so far, on their way to an undefeated record to this point. With just two big matches left on the schedule, it could be that the squad can have an unblemished qualification record, but I suspect that Geisenfried and Green Wombat will try to have a say in that.

The fact that the squad tucked in four goals with Kiso Night on the bench, due to a small stomache bug, is a great sign of how good the TEAM is. Granted that there are plenty of individual talents on the squad, but they all operate well with each other, and their indvidual success is the result of a cohesiveness as a unit that allows the chances. Do you think that if it were not two stellar keepers and a steady backline that the midfield and strikers would have the oppurtunities and willingness to go forward and put the ball in the back of the net like they do? I would highly doubt it, as it would most likely lead to games where the squad would be trying to outscore their oppenents rather than the solid philosophy they have now. I know that Soler and his predesuccesors were all offensive minded, but this team's defence is just a crucial for their success.

As for the game, it took a little longer for the squad to get into gear on the road, but a methodic attack a quarter in, that resulted in Cuellar spotting Kyla Night free in the box and her clam finish gave the squad the ability to relax. The first half was a hard fought affair, and honestly, if you didn't look at the scoreboard you would of thought the hosts to be the winning side. Unfrotunately, that effort in the first half wore them down and the Marauders were able to exploit the weakness thrice in the second half. First was a Cuellar header off a Jannian free kick seven minutes in on the second half that the keeper couldn't get a read on through a Constant screen. Cuellar would then make his point tally three when Constant found a lob by the creative playmaker and one touched a volley from twenty-four yards out that bent away into the lower far post from the keeper.

Making his second international appearance, Laborious Hawk came in at the 60th minute for Cuellar, letting the playmaker get an early rest. The middie moved up more into his natural CAM role, and put presure on the tired defenders of Londinium. He would get a glorious scoring chance in the 71st minute when a poor clearance from the British keeper bounced over the defenders' foot and Hawk took it in stride. Showing maturity beyond his expierence, Hawk drew out the keeper, fiegned a shot to the right that buckled the keeper, and gave the ball a soft lob into netting to make it two goals for the youngster in his first two CAPs.

Soler and the ESC seem not to have had their heads screwed on right, as they scheduled two friendlies for the Marauders on matchday 9. The first is over in Jeruselem, whom the Marauders vied with last qualifying session. Well then they went out and got the fan favourites of Bazalonia to come to the ESF. Soler is going to have a decision to make during the week as to whether try to get the full squad to both games, or to split the squad and have the A team play Jeruselem and the B play Bazalonia. Whatever his choice may be, the Navy Wave should have plenty to cheer about in the weeks to come.

Elves Security Forces 4
Kyla Night (17)
Rick Cuellar (52)
Justinian Constant (56)
Laborious Hawk (71)

Cookborough 0

Article by Luna Santapa

Quakmybush

20-04-2007, 21:28

The Daily Quak
What The Gently Caress Happened

The Quakmybush National Soccer team continued their "great" qualifying campaign for World Cup 34. The team was taking on unranked and unheard of Gnjes. I don't even know how to say that, but anyways, on to the game. The Sharks came out flying early, with Cory Sorley scoring an easy goal in the 3rd minute. After the third minute, the game was basically a yawner. Then in the 87th minute, a very weird thing happened. The Sharks heard what they thought was a final whistle. Although, it was not, it was a crazed Gnjes fan that had his whistle up to a megaphone. This caused the Sharks to quit playing while a Gnjes player took the ball and put it into the net. The game ended 1-1. This is a huge shock for the Sharks. They are now only tied with 3rd place Northern Caesera, and if they don't play well, they could find themselves in a playoffs position, or worse, not qualifying.

The Deathbat Republic

20-04-2007, 21:59

Worst Qualifying Ever?

Yep, Squornshelous are off to their worst start of Qualifying in the history of ever, with the possible exception of World Cup Five, our international debut. With four wins and three losses, we've earned only 12 of 21 possible points. To make matters worse, two of our losses came against teams we should have beaten easily, Algal States and St Pauls Isle. Add in a nasty 3-1 loss to Nedalia and you have a serious problem. Squornshelous will have to shape up in a big way. In response to this, Squornshelan Legislators passed a bill that official makes failing to qualify for the World Cup a capital offense. The Pschychoes will continue to play bad at the peril of their own lives.

Assegai Developments

20-04-2007, 22:16

The Crimson Blade
Assegai Digging Their Own Hole

After last night’s 3-3 draw with Marceau State, Assegai Developments teeters ever more so on the edge of a disappointing collapse. The team had taken the stance that anything except victories against the weaker opponents were necessary if they were to advance to NationStates World Cup XXXIV. Instead, the Riskbreakers turned in another hugely disappointing performance against a weaker team.

“Some people might think I’m being pessimistic when I say that we’re digging our own hole, but to be honest, it will take a miracle or two for us to advance to the World Cup now,” said midfielder and team captain Ashley Riot, who looked downtrodden.

“Marceau State? Who the hell are these guys,” gruffed forward Severus Snape. “They didn’t even have a stadium; we had to play in a park near the airport, and no one showed up. That’s horrible. This place is a huge ghetto.”

After three first half goals by Assegai, courtesy of Losstarot (12’), forward Ursula Goode (39’) and midfielder Fleur Delacour (44’), it seemed the Riskbreakers were on their way to a thrashing of Marceau State.

However, in the second half, Marceau State came out more aggressively, injuring forward Stephen de Cobham (sprained ankle), Goode (bruised shins), Delacour (bruised thigh) and midfielder Alys Spicer (concussion), who will all miss at least one game.

To the disgust of the Assegai bench, the ref ignored the pleas of the fallen players to card the offenders. Limited to only three subs, Delacour had to stay in the game and was thrown down a few more times by the Marceau brutes.

Assegai was unable to stay the tide, and Marceau State scored three goals in a matter of ten minutes under questionable circumstances.

“Horrible,” muttered keeper Callo Merlose. “This is just horrible. I could say we were robbed, but we didn’t do a good job of holding them down. At least we salvaged a point from this fiasco.”

(55) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/marceau_state.png Marceau State 3

(34) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/assegai_developments.png Assegai Developments 3

[MS]
http://forums.offtopic.com/images/smilies/ugh.gif

[AD]
Sidney Losstarot (12’)
Ursula Goode (39’)
Fleur Delacour (44’)

Mikaela Eyre Reporting

Assegai Developments

20-04-2007, 22:44

The Crimson Blade
Assegai On Life Support

Win or die.

It’s come to that for Assegai Developments, who have fallen hard in their last three games, barely scraping two out of a possible nine points. Now, Assegai must contend with injuries that have sidelined four members of the team and prepare accordingly for the return leg with unranked American Fist.

Although Assegai did manage to win the first game, it was by a tight 3-2 score. Assegai is expected to turn in an improved performance and finally end their winless drought.

“The last time we went through a spot this rough was during qualifying for World Cup XXXII, and we missed a spot in the Proper by 1 point,” said Assegai Manager Sir Knight Edgard Zúniga. “We’ve already squandered too much. We can’t mess around with our fates this way.”

This is the depleted roster that will be used for this game:

Goaltender
#42 Akihiko Yoshida – (Rinaldi Gunners, Elves Security Forces)

Defenders
#7 John Müllenkamp – (Cathedral Phantoms F.C.)
#22 Jan Rosencrantz - (Ascama United, Fort Europe)
#2 A.J. Durai – (A.C. Leá Monde)
#32 Anne Saye – (Fort Lakaria City, Fort Europe)

Midfielders
#56 Joshua Bardorba – (S.C. Vagrant Hills)
#10 Ashley Riot (C) – (Assegai Developments F.C.)
#13 Duke Bardorba – (S.C. Vagrant Hills)

Forwards
#33 Viktor Krum – (Assegai Developments F.C.)
#11 Sidney Losstarot – (Mar Sara Flames, Elves Security Forces)
#5 Severus Snape – (F.C. Capri, Elves Security Forces)

Reserves
GK #3 Callo Merlose – (Char Sara Inferno, Elves Security Forces)
GK #1 Winnefred Save – (Cathedral Spooks D.C.)
DEF #76 John Hardin – (D.S. Assegai)
DEF #70 Barnard Mallowburne – (S.C. Vagrant Hills)
DEF #4 Francis Rowe – (Sutina Saints, Fort Europe)
DEF #8 Romeo Guildenstern – (Ascama United, Fort Europe)
DEF #25 Stephen Maison – (Assegai Developments F.C.)
MID #32 Agatha Denys – (A.C. Leá Monde)
MID #45 Duane Grissom – (Kibuye F.C., The Interahamwe)
FWD #20 Samantha Neesa – (Char Sara Inferno, Elves Security Forces)
FWD #9 Dominic Saint-Émilion – (Rinaldi Gunners, Elves Security Forces)

Injured Reserve
FWD #8 Ursula Goode – (Cathedral Phantoms F.C.)
FWD #18 Stephen de Cobham – (Assegai Developments F.C.)
MID #31 Alys Spicer – (Matata Wanderers, Fort Europe)
MID #69 Fleur Delacour (Assegai Developments F.C.)

Tonight’s Match

(34) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/assegai_developments.png Assegai Developments

VS
(UR) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/american_fist.png American Fist

Mikaela Eyre Reporting

Swilatia

20-04-2007, 23:17

Gazeta Swilajska
English Version

So, it turns out there is actually a chance that Swilatia's team will qualify for world cup 34. Well, at least we are closer then we were when we tried to reach World Cup 33. In fact, this time we actually were in the Qualifying spot for some time.

However, even though we had a few matchdays of being on top, but after the Wentland match... well... we are now out of qualifying spaces, and to qualify, we must get in, and stay in until the end of the qualification. The bye day today isn't really helping us with this, as not Having a match means an automatic 0 points, the equivalent of a lost match. And losses aren't good. To qualify, you need to win the matches. Draws don't count.

However, there is some opportunities to get back up. First, we have the match with Haraki, except this time it's at home in Vilvek. The match agianst Vilita, a likely loss, although we might beat them, like we did with Errinundera. SS Okalnds and Netherwallop will give 3 points each, but only up to a draw is expected with Errinundera, and we'll prolly lose with Wentland.

However, those are only predictions. All we can do is wait to see the matches and their results. Well, during a match, we can also hope that Swilatia wins it, but unfortunately, that is not at all likely to influence the match result.

Zwangzug

20-04-2007, 23:39

"Hi there, Charles: we're on again to kick off the second half of this qualifying campaign, and it's hard to imagine it being more chaotic than the first: what are the odds that at the half, Algal states would be on top, with us leading both Squornshelous and Qazox?"

"I'm not quite sure: the ZWCOS doesn't deal in predictions-"

"Did not mean that literally. Um, moving on...Zwangzug will certainly miss leading scorer Olson tonight. There were rumors that he might be allowed to play after missing a vast majority of the previous match, but a reporter who tried to find out his motivation received the same response as the offending photographer, and BOB had to bench him again. So it'll be Maughum who lines up for the kickoff, but the Nedalian overwhelms him. Charles?"

"What?"

"Now's the part when you throw in some useful factoid for the listeners."

"Throw-in? Nedalia's got one, as Stael seems to trip over the ball and knock it out of play."

"So he does, climbing back up now as Nedalia lobs it in...Not as young as he once was, Stael."

"Nobody is, barring time travel into the past, which is of course logically impossible."

"Right...Nedalia on a nice offensive run there..."

"...That'll be the whistle."

"Indeed. Disappointing game, but Charles, I have a question for you."

"You already had one, and I'd give you an estimation except that the computer came unplugged as I was working: just before you swung your leg from the vicinity of its power outlet back under your desk."

"Oh...That's okay, I meant I had another question. What do you get when you cross the final score of this game, the presumable state of the Zwangzug team, Roger's singing ability, and a lesser-known Imperial theater performance about uncooked noodles?"

"Two-zero, defeated, in tune, and a drama: Raw Lasagna?"

"Nice bit of assonance, but no."

"Yes I do."

"What?"

"When I cross all those things, I get what I just said."

"Okay then...what do I get when I cross the final score, etcetera?"

"How should I know? And I don't care, either."

"Two-none, sad, on key, and a play: Tough Spaghetti!"

Cafundeu

21-04-2007, 00:10

O JUTENSE NEWSPAPER – ASSOCIATED WITH GLOBO MULTIMEDIA

WORLD CUP 34 QUALIFIERS COVERAGE
Match Report written by O Jutense editor, Milene Escobar
With phrases and images from Globo Multimedia’s coverage, commented by Breno Gavião

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

CAFUNDÉU’S PLAYERS NEEDING NEW BATTERIES

http://img465.imageshack.us/img465/433/cafsts3fi4.png
Sávio Ferrari doesn’t believe in the result

After many good victories against group enemies Magnus Valerius, Atheistic Right and Fmjphoenix, Cafundéu was truly apathetic and, apart for few chances in the first half, couldn’t create very much. Good for St Samuel, which could defeat the Monopolists for one more time, and get close to them in the standings. The ever worried population of Cafundéu return to fear a possible elimination from the World Cup, but the coach David Nefasto is still confident.

The team is still in the second position, but with the same number of points of St Samuel and Fmjphoenix. Cafundéu is going to play against the creatures of Ulzaxid. A victory will help the team very much, as St Samuel and Fmjphoenix will play each other, but other result can turn things a lot worse. The coach won’t make many changes in the team, as he thinks that the situation is now fine. St Samuel played with its away kit because the home ones were lost in the last travel.

Before the start of the game, it was discovered that two people which bought tickets for the match had their car stolen, and were unable to go to the stadium. Because of that, the game didn’t have full attendance.

THE GAME
Cafundéu started the game with the same style as ever, almost predictable by any opponent, using the centre and making short passes. St Samuel was a bit more cautious, but didn’t stay on defense, attacking as many times as possible. And in one of these attacks, Di Sicci invaded the area, one on one with the keeper. Léo Mattos came and fouled the attacker, receiving an yellow card. St John took the penalty kick well, and Durepox couldn’t avoid the goal. Read Breno Gavião:

“Di Sicci attacks, invades the arrrrrea. Cafundéu’s defense failed, he’ll scorrrrre, but he is fouled! And the rrrrreferee sees it! Penalty for St Samuel and yellow card. This isn’t a good start for us. St John is the taker... and it’s a goal! Goal for St Samuel! St John! St Samuel one, Cafundéu zero! Wanting to buy everything that you need in only one place? Go to Atacadão supermarkets, the place that you buy morrrrre for less!”

Cafundéu tried to complain with the coach, but they give up after the monk refused to comment about the penalty. The team decided to reply, but wasn’t playing well. In an incredible decision, Anormal decided to take the corner kicks, when he should be inside the area to try to head the ball, while Falcus (as Kliek wasn’t playing) shot the corner. And it was a good decision, as the defensive midfielder crossed the ball directly to Ijak’s head, who scored the goal. Read Breno Gavião:

“Corrrrrner kick to Cafundéu. Surprrrrrisingly, Falcus won’t take this one. It’ll be Anorrrrrmal in the ball. He crrrrrosses it to the arrrrrea, Ijak will head it... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Look it again in the replay! Ijak, number nine! Cafundéu one, St Samuel one! The team was playing so badly that I wasn’t expecting for that!”

Anormal made a good crossing from a corner kick later, but Ijak’s headed was cleared inside the smallest area. Renário missed a chance too. St Samuel soon replied with an intelligent counterattack who finished with a Sensini shot. His shot was too weak and Durepox only needed to watch the ball going wide. St Samuel’s midfielder left the game with an ankle torsion, and in the last five minutes of the game the visitors played with one man more. The first half ended 1x1.

http://img404.imageshack.us/img404/8113/cafsts1hy3.jpg
St Samuel’s bench commemorates a goal

In the second half, Sensini returned, and Abellardo entered in Le Ricco’s place. Nefasto put Kemp in the place of a tired Renário and put the experienced Kimball in the game. In the first minutes of the second half, Cafundéu attacked well. In one play, Priotto took a free kick in the midfield and Ijak headed, but the referee did already signed an offside, and the goalkeeper didn’t mind to get the ball.

St Samuel replied with fast attacks by Di Sicci and Sensini, but in both Durepox was in the right place to avoid suffering the goal. Later, Sensini stepped on a hole in the field and this time the torsion was stronger, and he had to leave the game. Minutes after, St John was with the ball in the attack. Di Sicci asked for it, received and made a chip shot, giving no chances to Durepox and scoring the second goal of St Samuel in the game. Read Breno Gavião:

“What a mistake of our attackers, De Villion gets the balls. St John rrrrreceives it, stops for a second. The ball is passed, Di Sicci gets it, Sávio Ferrrrrrarrrrri does nothing, the shot... and it’s a goal! Goal for St Samuel! Di Sicci! St Samuel two, Cafundéu one! And look at the confusion, Becão complains to the rrrrreferee, asking for an offside.”

This wasn’t a good idea. Becão, already booked, complained. And the fair monk didn’t spend much time showing the red card to him, although he spent some time to give Becão a moral lesson with filosofical words. In the last minutes of the game, Batista crossed the ball to Bezzi-Louaza, who didn’t have much work to score the last goal of the game. Read Breno Gavião:

“The game is ending and Cafundéu is totally dead. Hope that the team rrrrreturns to play some good football in the next games. Batista crrrrrosses, Bezzi... and it’s a goal. Deserved, to say the least. St Samuel three, Cafundéu one. This goal was made by Bezzi-Louaza. Want to trrrrravel? Da Guia tourism can take you to any place of the NS-World, and for good prrrrrices!”

AFTER THE GAME
The coach David Nefasto didn’t have good explanations about the loss, he only said: “I couldn’t expect it, surely. We didn’t play well, but there is no need to panic. We’re still in second, favourites to qualify, and with some easy games coming. We’ll qualify, believe on me.” Priotto said: “I didn’t have a good game, as the rest of the team. But if we return with the good work of the last games, we can surely win most of the remaining games.”

The midfieder Falcus said: “I can’t say much about this game. I simply didn’t appear in the game. We’re going to have difficulties to qualify, but I think that in the end we’ll be all happy with the qualification.” Kemp said: “This team has capacity to make a good campaign, we only need to prepare ourselves well. Today was a day to forget, but next game will be different.”

St Samuel’s fans made a carnival on the roads. The Counselor-Minister of Sports Samuel Makas commented: “We make a very good carnival too. But is a bit... different from this one.” For the next game, the supporters will receive free flags to help to support the team. The only bad thing is that the government didn’t want to spend much, so the flags have low quality.

http://img404.imageshack.us/img404/9334/cafsts2fk6.jpg
St Samuel players commemorate victory

ST SAMUEL 3x1 CAFUNDÉU

Place: Park of King's, in Saint Maria.
Attendance: 79,998 people.
Referee: Fr. Lucas the Fair (The Archregimancy).
MOTM: Maximus Di Sicci (St Samuel).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/st_samuel.png ST SAMUEL: Corinthian, Rock, Monte-Pellaino, Le Ricco (Abellardo 45’) and Zaggi; Sensini (Louardi 70’), De Villion, Bezzi-Louaza and Batista; St John (Colkamari 78’) and Di Sicci.
Coach: Louis Della Penzi.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Durepox, Léo Mattos (Covas 80’), Kirs, Becão and Sávio Ferrari; Anormal, Priotto, Dário (Kimball 45’) and Falcus; Renário (Kemp 45’) and Ijak.
Coach: David Nefasto.

Goals:CAF: Ijak 27’.
STS: St John 9’ , Di Sicci 76’ , Bezzi-Louaza 82’.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cafundéu – formation for game against Ulzaxid: Durepox, Léo Mattos, Kirs, Alemão and Sávio Ferrari; Anormal, Priotto, Falcus and Kliek; Renário and Ijak.
Coach: David Nefasto
Style of +2

Match’s Referee: Wendy Perario (Squornshelous).

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Goalscorers after 7 Rounds:

8- G. Ijak
5- Heitor
2- Anormal, R. Kliek and Becão
1- R. Kirs, C. Falcus, Dário and Renário

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

PAI DINAH SAYS

THE FIRST PREDICTIONS OF THE SPIRITUAL MEDIUM FROM CAFUNDÉU

About... GROUP 1:

“I see two giants, one covered with money. They’re running after three small people, but one is a bit taller than the others. They’re arriving, but the small ones can drop them, and continue running in the first positions. Later, they start to compete against each other, and, because of these competitions, the giants return to threaten them.”

About... GROUP 12:

“A French man slowly walks, and many people are behind him. Suddenly, a small gnome comes and steals his pants. Desperated, he starts to run after the gnome, but it seems difficult for him. The other contenders are simply walking, and talking to each other about their lives. From time to time, one of them stays in front of the others, but later he returns to stay with the other people.”

Acapais

21-04-2007, 01:58

Acapais Football Network

"Welcome to today's program I am here with the hero himself, Oscar Van Savage, goal scorer of Wednesday night's match in Rejistania. That win puts Acapais in fourth place two points from taking a playoff spot with one game in hand. Oscar, would you agree this is exactly where Acapais want to be right now?"

"Oh without a doubt Dave. Only two points behind Bostopia and they still have to take a bye day. The Acapais vs Bostopia game on Friday night will be a big game. Winner will take over that valuable third place playoff spot."

"What a spectacular goal against Rejistania you scored. A free kick forty yards out. You brought me back to the Roberto Carlos days for a moment there. He's only 25 years old folks."

"I try to do everything in my power to help my team win matches. Including taking bizarre free kicks. We are going to have to be on top of our game if it means we are to come away with three points against Bostopia though."

"Well let's not wait any longer let's take a look at the highlights from Wednesday's match.

[highlight noises]

"Early in-swinging corner kick from Rejistania hits the post and Midfielder Init Ly cannot find the target. 12 minuites later Acapais's Jose makes a run and is taken down inside the box but no foul? Let's look at it again. The keeper touches the ball; the referee made the right call. 16 minutes a shot by Kelit Simu is heading for the back of the net but Acapan keeper Matthew Dickenson comes up with a terrific save to send it wide for a corner. Second half the moment Acapais were waiting for, Oscar Van Savage with a screaming free kick in the upper ninety. Goalkeeper did not have a clue on what to do. 78 minutes in, Rejistania forward makes another break away beats the keeper but misses the target. finally 89 minutes in, Aia Kansu's glancing head hits the cross-bar and Acapais hold on to win."

"We are going to take a break, but when we get back we will talk with Van Savages family and see how proud there are of their son."

-----------------------------------------------
Acapais RP Threads
Roster Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12478731&postcount=9)
Acapais PreWC Press Conference (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12491022&postcount=23)
Acapais v Sel Appa Friendly (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12492699&postcount=26)
WCQ Draw (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12535022&postcount=19)
MD2 pre-game (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12541262&postcount=56)
Bostopia - MD2 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12543949&postcount=84)
Sativaville - MD3 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12547865&postcount=118)
Kingsford - MD4 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12550431&postcount=139)
Nerotika - MD5 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12554560&postcount=167)
BYE – MD8

Kiryu-shi

21-04-2007, 03:32

Kiryu-shi Loses in the Final Minutes Against Top Team

By Michio Hibbert

Sakaino Kiryu-shi Kiryu-shi and Bettia combined to score the most goals in their last match than in any other match in this year’s World Cup qualifiers, topping Cafundéu’s seven-two blowout of Atheistic Right. Kiryu-shi played right into Bettia’s attacking gameplan, but it was unfortunately very clear that Kiryu-shi doesn't have the same skill level as the number one Bettia, although the Dragons gave the Auroras a serious challenge.

____Kiryu-shi’s fans came to Sakaino Stadium adorned head to toe in Red, one of Kiryu-shi’s national colors, to try to distract the Bettia team any way they could. Bettia came prepared, adorned with the special Azurlens sunglasses, along with their standard green and gold uniforms, while Kiryu-shi stuck with their standard white home uniforms. Bettia wasn’t phased at all by the red stands, as they score in the third minute after a weak pass from Bob Moya was intercepted by Peri Busilanta, who promptly knocked it past Jon Crow to put Bettia up early. Kiryu-shi tried to respond with a quick attack of their own, but when Hellen Gandy’s pass into Garret McGee was intercepted by defender Said bin Said Ismail, Bettia’s explosive attack showed again, as passes up the field led to Eri Kurniawan crossing the ball to Peri Busilanta who put away his second goal of the match to make it two nil in the 8th minute. Peri, who had a hattrick the last time he played Kiryu-shi, was a dominant force early in the match. However. Kiryu-shi was able to take advantage of the two man defense, using the wings to spread the defenders as much as possible. In the 25th minute, Pat Mayberry swung the ball across the pitch to Giancario Diamanti who was advancing completely open down the left wing. Showing unprecedented ability, Diamanti took the ball into the penalty box and laid off a great pass to Gandy, and while McGee was drawing two defenders due to miscommunication, Gandy rocketed a goal into the back of the net, to draw Kiryu-shi within one goal. Bettia responded quickly in the 31st minute, when Iverson was whistled for a tackle on Bettia midfielder, a questionable call in a key position just outside the penalty area. After Even Anderson bluffed the free kick, Barry Scott curled the ball into the upper right hand corner of the net, as Crow stood still in disbelief at the amazing shot. Bettia cruised for the rest of the half, hardly attacking as they seemed to have the match in control. Right before the whistle blew, Peri Busilanta received a pass from his brother Budi, sidestepped Pruet’s tackle, and completed a hattrick, making the score four to one going into the break.

____Peri was taken out at the half, along with his two brothers, to give them some rest as head coach Stuart Abdul-Rahim figured that Bettia was going to win another easy game over the Dragons. In their places were Evan Miranda, Sonny Sabitha and Abel Abramson, as the brothers missed one of the most exciting halfs in Kiryu-shi’s history. Garret McGee was taken out at halftime for forward Emily Boyle, who is faster and quicker than McGee, although quite a bit smaller. Kiryu-shi was aggressive and determined from kickoff, encouraged by the sounds of their home crowd cheering them on. In the 51st minute, Pat Mayberry scored off a long run down the right flank, culminating with a beautiful one touch shot from a long pass by Isaac Levi. Just three minutes later, Mayberry was involved in another goal, this time getting the assist when his through pass was converted into a goal by Emily Boyle, who showed off her speed to sprint pass the defenders. The score at this point was four to three, and it stayed the same as Kiryu-shi wasted a bunch of opportunities in the second half. With five minutes left in the game, Coach Bruce Lewis decided that some desperation moves were needed. He took out the keeper and defender Moya in favor of Patrick Mann and Hiro Mason, who came in to play alongside Boyle as forwards. The strategy seemed to work, as they Mason scored a goal in the 86th minute, with an assist from Gandy. The score was tied with four minutes left, plus injury time. Bettia went on the offensive again, and scored a goal in the 89th minute, as Pruett and LeBlanc were left to guard the net against the three center forwards of Bettia. Sabitha got the goal, with an open net shot. Kiryu-shi stormed the Bettia side in an attempt to tie the game again, as the sidelines showed two minutes left to play. They came close, but a shot by Mayberry was deflected off the keeper Mitchell Ellis, and defender Hisham Azmi cleared the ball, and it rolled into the empty Kiryu-shi net to make the final score six to four, for the final goal in one of the most exciting games Kiryu-shi has ever played, with the possible exception of the Baptism of Fire penalty shootout championship match against Ulzaxid.

____Although Kiryu-shi could not come away with any points, they should be proud of the way that they played, almost catching the defending World Cup Champions off guard. They remained in fourth place, as Estresse Intenso also lost. Kiryu-shi will travel to Quakmybush to play against a team looking to win after a humiliating draw against lowly Gnejs, when a Gnejs fan managed to trick the entire Quakmybush squad off the pitch before the match ended. No doubt they will be looking to redeem themselves as they battle to remain the second place team, ahead just in gold differential over Northern Caesarea. Bettia still leads the group. Kiryu-shi has an incredibly long road if they want to make third place, and either Quakmybush or Northern Caesarea has to collapse entirely. The good news is that the Dragons no longer have to face Bettia, who outscored them 13 to five in two matches, an incredible total.

Qazox

21-04-2007, 03:40

QSPNFootball.com Match Report

Ghost Tigers Rise 3-QAZOX 5

Finally some decent refereeing

After a coupke matches worth of questionable refereeing, Qazox got some back as Ione Nemetz, starting for Johnaton Sarafin who's calf is acting up, managed to score 3 penalty kick goals, quite possibly tying a long time WC record. Hotep and Rant also managed to score as well, as Fernando Turek shook up the line-up a bit and had mid-fielders and forwards switch places. The switch allowed GTR to score 3 times, but the offense finally managed to get back into rythym.

Up next is a trip back home to face St Pauls Isle, who got a surpring draw with us lat match. Once again a win in needed, as a trip to Sqournshelous looms.

Scoring Summary:
QAZOX: Alexrandra Hotep (1), 20', Ione Nemetz (1,2,3)- 34', 62', 71', Ty Rant (1) 86'
GTR- 15', 27', 54'

Errinundera

21-04-2007, 04:24

News items from the Mount Ellery (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Mt_Ellery) Evening Gazette.

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/EveningGazetteMasthead.jpg

PARENTS LAMENT WAYWARD CHILD

Local Mount Ellery couple hargaretig and rednil are in deep shock following the decision of their famous querter, owiavi, to become a monk in the Archregimancy. “I don’t know where we went wrong,” says a distraught rednil. “We brought quer up as a normal, healthy Errinundrian. We were so proud of quer. Especially quer being the top goalie in the country and only the second genderqueer to play for the potoroos.” At last report quer parents had clothed themselves in bark, covered themselves in ash and disappeared into the Rodger wilderness to practice austerities.

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/owiavi2.jpg
owiavi in happier days.

We spoke with labergasteau, the Coach of Deddick, owiavi’s EFA team. She told us that, despite being something of a loner, owiavi was a crucial member of the side. “Frankly, que was far and away our best player. I fear the Dicks are going to slide down the table with quer defection.” Potoroo teammate and fellow genderqueer, rosaniel, is also shocked and disappointed. “Que has always been withdrawn and a loner but I wasn’t expecting this. We will all miss quer terribly. But, it’s quer life and quer choice to do what que will with it. You would hardly expect me to say otherwise, surely?"

SNIFFER WOMBAT DIES FROM MYSTERIOUS DISEASE

Health authorities are perplexed following the death of buster the sniffer wombat from malignant growths that sprouted in his mouth and rapidly spread to his brain. buster is best known for goring the foot and ankle of the Swilatian player Falaja Tiskane. His handler, dolens, is distraught. “Sure, he was a stubborn chump but he had a soft heart. He told me over and over again that he was sorry for biting the poor fellow. It’s the leather, you know. Sniffer wombats just can’t resist it.”

faunostar, a top scientist from the Goongerah Faunatech, admits to being stumped after performing an autopsy on the body of the wombat. “The facial tumours on the poor creature were horrible and must have caused considerable pain and discomfort. Normally, sniffer wombats can eat leather without harm so we have to rule that out. The leaves three suspects: the tanning chemicals in the boot, the synthetic socks Tiskane was wearing or Tiskane himself. As you know, buster made a bit of a mess of the unfortunate player’s ankle. It may be a severe allergic reaction to people from his nation. That could be awkward. We don’t want poor relations with Swilatians.”

FIVE BILLION THREATEN THE FOREST

Errinundera’s famous forest may be home for most of the nation but care of its unique beauty is becoming increasingly difficult. This tightrope situation has been brought into stark relief with the latest announcement from the United Nations that Errinundera’s population has just passed the 5 billion mark.

Population expert from the Mount Ellery Underground University, reedereacto, told us that Errinundera was forced to put enormous resources into looking after the famed forests. “Currently over 40% of the country’s (admittedly low) taxes are spent on the environment. This represents about 4.1% of the national GDP. If you add to that the spending by individuals and the vast number of voluntary community organisations then you have a figure closer to 16% of national GDP. Further, the pressure on the forests for resources and living space is enormous. As you know, the price for being green is eternal vigilance. Here in Mount Ellery, we don’t put any direct pressure on the forest as all 8 million of us live underground. As we expand we just dig further into the granite.”

NETHERWALLOP GOES MISSING AND GETS ANNIHILATED

The Errinundera national football team, now without #1 goalie owiavi, travelled to the supposedly non-existent Netherwallop and gave them a severe shellacking. Local Mount Ellery star and concert pianist, carltu, kicked her first ever hat trick in a 1-6 wholly warranted walloping. What can we say? If it weren’t for the one Netherwallop goal in the 71st minute you could have sworn the home team wasn’t even on the field.

carltu is continuing a fine campaign and has taken over from the ageing angelic, genderqueer rosaniel as the potoroo’s main striker. “I had the privilege of playing with rosaniel in quer heyday and I’m not in the same class. Que was a freak.” Unfortunately rosaniel was knocked out in a collision with team mate and midfielder, matthieug, in the first few minutes and is unlikely to play in the next game. 17 year old substitute scerberu made the most of her opportunity and scored a goal in the 30th minute.

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/carltu2.jpg
carltu takes a break from her rigorous practice schedule.

carltu was equally diffident when the hat trick was mentioned. “I don’t really deserve to be included in such an illustrious potoroo group with the possible exception of firset, whoever que, she or he was. I’m probably in firset’s class.” For the record, firset scored the first ever hat trick by an Errinundrian in international football. The others have been: antarcticad, longipesp, ubhashinim and rosaniel. That is quite a list. Here in Mount Ellery we can be justifiably proud of carltu.

Netherwallop
http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Netherwallop.png
1 (someone 71)

Errinundera
http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Errinundera.png
6 (carltu 12, 84 & 86 matthieug 24 scerberu 30 snaporoo 64)

Errinundera's WC34 scorers:
8 carltu
4 rosaniel
3 snaporoo
1 immelfar
1 isshare
1 matthieug
1 scerberu

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