World Cup 34 RP Thread [Archive] - Page 2

Northern Bettia

21-04-2007, 20:37

The Anyuna Observer: now with no swearing whatsoever
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y231/bettia/nbet-badge.gif
Home Not-So-Sweet Home

Northern Bettia..........1 (Idasenai 76)
Holweg.........................2 (Player #9 24, Player#10 55)

Something seems to be rather wrong with the Fire Ants lately, for Sakura Park just isn't the fortress it should be - a fact cruelly exposed as Northern Bettia crashed to their second successive home defeat. Indeed, all three of Northern Bettia's defeats in this qualifying campaign have come at home, but this loss to lowly Holweg must rank as the worst of the lot.

Maybe it was fatigue. Maybe it was over-confidence. Maybe it was a lack of motivation.

Whatever it was, the Fire Ants' cause wasn't helped by getting a player sent off after just seven minutes. Up until then the game had been more or less equal, with both teams giving as good as they got in the opening exchanges. The crucial moment came as Dan Kyobu tussled with the Holweg number 7 for control of the ball on the left wing, when the Holweg player went down clutching what turned out to be two broken ribs. After consulting his linesman, the referee produced the red card and pointed Kyobu in the direction of an early bath.

With one man down for almost the entire game, a dispirited Northern Bettia were no match for a lively Holweg, and the visitors made the most of their advantage, going ahead after 24 minutes thanks to a defelcted shot from just inside the penalty area. Further chances followed for the away side, and Jon Ozeki was forced to make a number of saves, some spectacular, some desperate.

The half-time break did nothing to ease the onslaught, and Holweg doubled their advantage. After winning their tenth corner of the game, a short ball routine found their #11 on the edge of the penalty area. With two defenders in tow the shot was out of the question, but a low cross across the face of goal was tapped in at close range by their #10 to make the scoreline 2-0 to the visitors.

This was the spark for some disgraceful scenes as a disgruntled portion of the crowd, some of whom wore T-shirts bearing the slogan 'I Saw Hiro's Arse, And It Weren't Pretty', started attacking the celebrating away fans, showering them with uprooted seats, coins and what turned out to be bottles of urine. As the local military police regiment fought to quell this violence, the game continued. The Holweg manager, perhaps concerned about the safety of his supporters and therefore not wanting to inflame the situation further, pulled both of his strikers off and replaced them with defenders as they attempted to secure their three points by shutting up shop.

Predictably, this defensive move allowed Northern Bettia to attack and they finally started to create some chances of their own. Matt Shukuoka saw a deft chip tipped over the crossbar, and Sakasayou had a shot which blazed just narrowly wide. The Fire Ants won their first corner of the game after 76 minutes after Hiyashibara's half-volley was deflected wide, and it was the 6'11" Eric Idasenai who rose highest of all to nod the ball home.

This late goal had the desired effect as far as crowd control was concerned as the home supporters finally had something to get excited about. A frenetic last ten minutes saw shot rain in on the Holweg goal, but fine goalkeeping coupled with good fortune saw them safely through with a prescious win.

Northern Bettia's resolve will be tested to the full as they must travel to Turruth Gordur, a game which has the potential to be a very firey encounter indeed. In the meantime, a number of questions needs to be asked, especially regarding stadium security, and more importantly as to why the Fire Ants are playing so crap at home. Given the circumstances, could the fact that three of their last four games are away from home could be a blessing in disguise?

Fixtures / Results

MD..OPPONENT...............VENUE...RESULT

Qualifying Group 2

01: Commerce Heights JSY...HOME....L 0-1
02: Holweg.................Away....W 4-0
03: Turruth Gordur.........HOME....W 4-2
04: BYE
05: Mekhule................Away....W 5-2
06: The Archregimancy......HOME....W 3-1
07: Turori.................HOME....L 0-2
08: Commerce Heights JSY...Away....W 3-1
09: Holweg.................HOME....L 1-2
10: Turruth Gordur.........Away....
11: BYE
12: Mekhule................HOME....
13: The Archregimancy......Away....
14: Turori.................Away....

Bettia

21-04-2007, 21:06

Question: what is the official capacity of Bettia's national stadium, Tiddles Park?

If you were asked that question yesterday and your answer was in the region of 102000, you would've been correct. But now? Now nobody's quite so sure...

Matchday nine had started normally enough. Spirits were high as the Aroras went into their friendly against Az-cz. A clash between two of the world's top teams would be special enough on any day. The fact that this was a rerun of the last World Cup final added an extra spice to the occasion. But nobody who watched this match could've guessed just how extraordinarily this day would turn out.

One place where the anticipation was more ripe than usual was the Pie & Pixie, that veritable mecca of quality sports viewing. Ali's new HumungoScreen was pulling in the customers like there was no tomorrow and today was no exception, but the locals were keeping a close eye on the game for an extra special reason - Junilun's little hint that something major was about to go down. All through the game, they painstakingly scrutinised the screen for any kind of clue, any breadcrumb that would lead them to the truth. As the camera cut to the scene of Evan Miranda celebrating Bettia's second goal in first half injury time, Rhys jumped up and shouted even more excitedly than usual.

"Hey, what's that? There, in the top corner?"

Ali shook his head. "Correct me if I'm wrong Rhys old pal, but that looks like a floodlight" he said with a chuckle. "Look guys, this is ridiculous. I mean look at us - we're jumping at shadows here."

Rhys sighed as he sat back down. "Ali's right. Surely if something was going to happen, it would've done before now." The rest of the gang nodded in agreement and settled down to their half-time cuppas as Ali dished out an extra-large plate of scones, complete with lashings of strawberry jam and whipped cream. After taking over the Pie & Pixie from their dearly departed friends (Allah rest their souls), Ali had revelled in his new job, and his strawberry and cream scones had become something of a speciality of his. On any other day, they would've been scoffed down in ten seconds flat, but at this particular moment in time, they were sent spraying in all directions as the usual half-time banter in the Sonastra Sports TV studio was interrupted by a certain young blue-haired girl.

"A few question marks about whether this goal should've been disallowed, wouldn't you agree?"

"Oh yes. It would've been a dream start for the visitors, scoring after just three minutes, and to be honest this offside decision was pretty marginal. Of course, the match officals don't have the benefit of..."

"Hello mister! Do you have any chocolate?" Fatarani chirped in her usual cute manner as she suddenly materialised in mid-air right in front of the obviously-shocked pundit, who backed himself as far as he could go in his chair before giving out a weak cry of "Security! Get this child of here!".

"I'm not a child, I'm 237 years old!" Fatarani pouted. "How old are you, 40? You're the child! Are you still wearing a nappy? I bet you are!"

"Fatarani, if you continue scaring that poor man, he'll need a nappy!" Junilun said as she appeared behind her sister directly in front of the camera, the studio lights glinting off her well-tanned skin. "Oh, don't worry about my sister. She won't harm you, and neither will I. In fact, none of us will!"

"Erm, what do you mean, 'none of us'?" the main presenter asked as he pulled nervously at his shirt collar, half out of sheer fright and half out of suddenly being confronted by a young woman whose undeniable beauty was only dampened by the small veil she wore across her face.

"If you would instruct your director to show the seating areas of the stadium, I have an announcement to make."

A short pause was followed by the presenter giving the nod to the floor manager. Eventually, the screens of every TV in the country and around the world who just happened to be watching the match were showing a panning shot of the stands. Nothing out of the ordinary here... well, that is if you don't count the ethereal blue-white glow which gradually appeared all around Tiddles Park, filling every corner of the pitch with its soft, calming light. An eery silence fell all around the ground as what looked like tens of thousands, perhaps even millions of distinct figures began to show themselves, all seated in rows above the spectators' heads reaching high into the sky, way up above the roof. Some of them looked very human, some looking more like bright silhouettes, some looking almost monstrous. Some of the figures looked young whilst the others were definately much older.

As they became clearer, a feeling of fright started to make itself felt around the ground as some of the spectators began to hurridly leave their seats in a quiet panic. At that moment, a voice suddenly rang out in their heads, a voice belonging to Junilun that could also be heard through everyone watching these events around the world.

"Please, do not be alarmed. This is not an invasion - this is an evacuation. Events unfolding in our home realm have forced our leaders to take the step of moving all of our young and elderly here to Bettia, where they feel we will be safest. Being a muslim nation, most of you already believe in the existance of us Jinn, which is why you were chosen to be our hosts - you are the most likely to accept us. That, and we happen to love football. Most of us will live in the remotest parts of Bettia, so you would not be disturbed. Some of us have chosen to live in the Banastra rainforest because they like to play in the trees. Some of us have chosen the highlands and mountains of Gwlad Teg for their peace and quiet."

"Not us!" Fatarani said, interrupting her sister. "Me and Junilun have already found a home, haven't we sis?"

"Do you mind? I'm trying to communicate with an entire nation here!" Junilun replied impatiently before resuming her little broadcast. "Our leaders assure you that your nation has not been put at any risk. Now please, sit back and enjoy the game with the rest of us. BETTIA AM BYTH!!" she said with a giggle.

With that, Junilun ended her announcement and took her sister's hand. Just as they were about to leave, she turned to the presenters. "You can tell the people who run this stadium that they can turn the floodlights off - they won't be needing them!" With that, the two girls vanished.

Back in the Pie & Pixie, every single one of the customers just sat in complete silence, a scene which was being repeated throughout the Blessed Realm. Junilun and Fatarani appeared next to Ali behind the counter.

"Hello mister! Did you see us on telly?" Fatarani tittered, giving him a little wave.

"Uh-huh" was the best reply his stunned mouth could manage. "So... your friends are moving to Bettia then?"

"That's right. Like I said, it's nothing more than a wartime evacuation."

"But did you have to make it so... dramatic?"

"We thought it best to let as many of you people know as possible. We couldn't just move in without telling you. If we did, your kind would've seen us eventually, and it could've caused a nationwide panic, what with all the rumours that would fly about. We chose to make our appearance at Tiddles Park during this match because we knew that most of the nation would be watching."

"Hmmm. Nice plan. Just one thing though. What did Fatarani mean when she said the two of you have already found a home?"

Junilun looked at Fatarani, who smiled sweetly up at her, then turned back to Ali.

"The two of us have decided that we shall live here at the Pie & Pixie with you!"

Ali's eyebrows leapt up, almost as though they were about to leap straight off his face. "You? Here? With...?"

At that point Fatarani laughed, flew up to him at full pelt and locked him a bone-crushing bear hug - the dear little thing obviously didn't know her own strength.

"Tee hee! You're our Uncle Ali now!"

Fixtures / Results

MD..OPPONENT................VENUE...RESULT

Qualifying Group 3

01: Kiryu-Shi...............HOME....W 7-1
02: BYE
03: Quakmybush..............Away....L 1-3
04: Gnejs...................Away....W 5-2
05: Estresse Intenso........HOME....W 5-2
06: Northern Caesarea.......Away....W 3-2
07: Lovisa..................HOME....W 4-2
08: Kiryu-Shi...............Away....W 6-4
09: Az-cz...................HOME....W 3-2 (Friendly)
10: Quakmybush..............HOME....
11: Gnejs...................HOME....
12: Estresse Intenso........Away....
13: Northern Caesarea.......HOME....
14: Lovisa..................Away....

Cafundeu

21-04-2007, 23:07

O JUTENSE NEWSPAPER – ASSOCIATED WITH GLOBO MULTIMEDIA

WORLD CUP 34 QUALIFIERS COVERAGE
Match Report written by O Jutense editor, Milene Escobar
With phrases and images from Globo Multimedia’s coverage, commented by Breno Gavião

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CAFUNDÉU TRYING TO GET SOME ADVANTAGE

http://img215.imageshack.us/img215/5438/cafulz1uv2.jpg
Terreno da Vitória before the start of the game

This was probably the easiest game of Cafundéu in this World Cup qualifiers. The team was worried about playing against the Ulzaxid creatures again, but in the end they played against an unmotivated team with no will to fight. The hosts didn’t have much work to defeat them, and the match didn’t have any serious incidents, apart from the goal chances. Ulzaxid played in a stadium used in the Baptism of Fire, but couldn’t take advantage of that.

With this secure victory, Cafundéu continues in the second place of the group, but still in danger. Now, the team is going to play against group leaders Demot, which seem to easily control the first position. The game will be extremely difficult, but the Monopolists hope to use their good form playing away to surprise the Dynamo and get one more victory in the qualifiers, trying to get some advantage against Fmjphoenix and St Samuel.

THE GAME
With a good attack, but an average defense, the coach David Nefasto focused on the defense during the trainings, as Ulzaxid is an attacking team. Besides that, he changed a bit Cafundéu’s style, wanting more crossings and long ranged shots. With these changes, Cafundéu was able to surprise the opponents, which weren’t playing well, and prepared a strong formation to win the game.

In the first minutes, the visitors seemed more dangerous, but soon Cafundéu’s defense controlled the game. After the tenth minute, the host team returned to be offensive, and with strong attacks was close to score. Ijak received the ball inside the area and shot, but the goalkeeper saved. Minutes after, Falcus crossed the ball to the area. Azanulbizarn headed badly the ball and Renário got it to shoot and score the goal. Read Breno Gavião:

“Cafundéu gets the ball contrrrrrol in the midfield. Falcus rrrrreceives it and goes to the wing. Will prrrrrepare to crrrrross... the ball is going to the arrrrrea... the defender heads it, a rrrrreally bad header, Rrrrrrenário with the chance to score... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! I want to see the replay! Rrrrrrrrrrenário, number twenty-one! Cafundéu one, Ulzaxid zero!”

The visitors didn’t get any ball in the midfield, and it was so easy for Cafundéu to attack that the players wanted to score more. In a chance, Kliek crossed the ball and Sávio Ferrari shot, but the ball went over the bar. After some minutes of pressure, the Monopolists scored. Anormal took the ball from Tzimisces in the midfield, ran to the entrance of the area and shot. The ball went to the left side of the goal, giving no chances to Vernazza.

Excited by the goal scored, Anormal continued dangerous, and soon received another chance to score. This time, Renário was fouled in the entrance of the area. Kliek took the free kick, but the ball hit the wall. Léo Mattos got the rebound and crossed the ball to the area, where Anormal didn’t have to jump. The tall midfielder headed and scored the goal. Read Breno Gavião:

“When do you go out with your frrrrriends to a bar, you’ll want the best beer. So, which one will you ask? CV-Jáh, of courrrrrse! CV-Jáh, the preferrrrred beer of Cafundéu! Frrrrree kick. Kliek shoots... the ball hits the wall. The rrrrrebound goes to Léo Mattos in the wing, he crrrrrosses it to the arrrrrea, look at the header... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! We’re preparing the replay! Anorrrrrmal, number five! Cafundéu three, Ulzaxid zero!”

There were few minutes remaining in the first half, but Cafundéu continued to attack. Priotto shot from outside the area, but Pizelkarovski blocked the shot. The shot was so strong that, when the Ulzaxid player, blocked it, the ball went directly to the bench with speed, and hit David Nefasto’s face. The Cafundelense coach was dizzy, but wasn’t hurt. In the last minutes of the first half, Luvo tried to score shooting from distance, but the ball went over the bar.

http://img169.imageshack.us/img169/1025/cafulz3xq2.jpg
The supporters commemorate the good game

During halftime, the mascots of each team (an unknown creature for Ulzaxid and a giant note of 100 vintéms for Cafundéu) took some penalties against each other to motivate the supporters. It was fun while it lasted, five minutes to be exact, when the giant note broke its left foot while commemorating a goal. The teams returned with the same formation. Cafundéu continued offensive, but its attacks were more cautious. Ulzaxid’s team was completely lost in the game.

But, surprisingly, Ulzaxid attacked well after the thirteenth minute. After a huge mistake made by Priotto in the midfield, De Jesus passed the ball to Lyku, who dribbled Alemão and shot the ball. Durepox jumped too late and when he did it the ball was already inside the goal. But even after the goal Cafundéu was calm, and with more ball possession. Read Breno Gavião’s comments:

“Prrrrriotto falls on the grrrrround and loses the ball to De Jesus, who is trying to attack. Lyku asks for the ball, and rrrrreceives it in the rrrrright wing. Kirs in a bad position, Lyku invades the arrrrrea, drrrrribbles Alemão, shoots. And it’s a goal! Goal for Ulzaxid! Lyku! Ulzaxid one, Cafundéu three! Sleep like an angel with the special-made Ortosonho mattresses, made with the best materrrrrials!”

The coach David Nefasto, whose head was with a purple tone after the incident in the first half, decided to put Dário in Falcus’s place, mainly because the Petardos S/A midfielder was tired. In the next ten minutes after Ulzaxid’s goal, Cafundéu only controlled the ball in the midfield, and even suffered some attacks. But the defender Sávio Ferrari was inspired, and stopped the opponents. In a counterattack, Ijak missed an incredible chance.

Time was passing, and Nefasto decided to rest one more player, this time Renário, who left the game for the entrance of Gaúcho. In the last ten minutes of the game, Cafundéu started to prepare the next goals, attacking with speed and good positioning. The fourth goal of the game came when Anormal passed the ball to Kirs. The left-back crossed the ball to the area. After a confusion, the ball remained to Dário, who dribbled Pizelkarovsky and Vernazza to score the goal. Read Breno Gavião’s comments:

“Now the Monopolists arrrrre attacking again. Anorrrrrmal. The midfielder passes the ball to Kirs in the left wing. Good crrrrrossing, the defenders battle with Ijak, Gaúcho and Kliek to take the ball. Better for Ulzaxid... or not? Dário gets the ball, drrrrribbles one, two, shoots... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! I need to see the replay, this goal was confusing! Dário, number sixteen! Cafundéu four, Ulzaxid one!”

In the last minutes of the game, more pressure from Cafundéu, but the goal wasn’t coming. In the injury time, Priotto received the ball in the midfield and started to run. The Ulzaxid players weren’t going after him, and he had free path until the entrance of the area, when he shot with all his strength. The ball hit the bar, the post and entered inside the goal.

AFTER THE GAME
The supporters in Abadia were happy with the game, and some players threw their shirts to the bleachers. The first one to talk with the press, as ever, was the coach David Nefasto, who was with a bag full of ice in his face. He said: “Argh, this hurts! What a good game for us! Three more points, four games to go. I think that we’re very close to the qualification, and a good result against Demot will increase our chances a lot.”

The defender Alemão said: “Our defense was great today. Our coach made the right changes in the team and now we’re more prepared for the game against Demot.” Dário said: “To play in the National Team is like a dream, the group is united. I’m enjoying being the number sixteen of the team.” The last one to talk was Priotto, who said: “I scored a goal! Yeeaaaahh!”

http://img175.imageshack.us/img175/1158/cafulz2ph2.jpg
Dário scores for Cafundéu

CAFUNDÉU 5x1 ULZAXID

Place: Terreno da Vitória, in Abadia.
Attendance: 97,500 people.
Referee: Wendy Perario (Squornshelous).
MOTM: Sávio Ferrari (Cafundéu).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Durepox, Léo Mattos, Kirs, Alemão and Sávio Ferrari; Anormal, Priotto, Falcus (Dário 64’) and Kliek; Renário (Gaúcho 77’) and Ijak (Barbosa 80’).
Coach: David Nefasto.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/ulzaxid.png ULZAXID: Vernazza and Azanulbizarn; Pizelkarovsky, Tzimisces and De Jesus; Luvo, Lyku, Floren, Belmore, Di Bradini and Banda.
Coach: Stuart Abdul-Rahim.

Goals:CAF: Renário 18’ , Anormal 37’/39’ , Dário 81’ , Priotto 94’.
ULZ: Lyku 58’.

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Cafundéu – formation for game against Demot: Durepox, Covas, Kirs, Becão and Sávio Ferrari; Anormal, Priotto, Dário and Kliek; Heitor and Ijak.
Coach: David Nefasto
Style of +2

Match’s Referee: Andy Rockentasrer (Wentland).

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Goalscorers after 8 Rounds:

8- G. Ijak
5- Heitor
4- Anormal
2- R. Kliek, Renário, Dário and Becão
1- R. Kirs, C. Falcus and M. Priotto

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PAI DINAH SAYS

2nd PART OF THE PREDICTIONS OF THE SPIRITUAL MEDIUM FROM CAFUNDÉU

About... GROUP 3:

“This one is curious. I see some kind of arena. A Latin man is sitting on the stands, comfortable with the situation with a ticket in hands, named “qualification”. Inside the arena, a person with a Bettia shirt is facing a shark. The shark waves a red shirt in front of the person, and he or she, I can’t see exactly, is becoming angry. Seems like a bullfight... the person attacks the shark and... hits it seriously, both start to fight. A small guy, who was inside the arena doing nothing, decides to go to the stands. A doctor goes after him, but falls in the stairs and faints. The small guy invades the stands, and wants to get the ticket that is in the hands of the Latin man, but it doesn’t seem easy.”

About... GROUP 11:

“Two people are talking, in the roof of a building. There is a large door in front of them, but they don’t go inside it, although it’s very easy for them. They’re talking about who will go first, and are gentle with each other. In the end, they will decide who will enter the door first with a coin. Other people are climbing the building, but, when they come close to the roof, one of the two that already are on the roof kick them, and the climbers fall. One of the climbers come more close to the roof than the others, and start saying “Please, I want to enter this time, I’m trying for a long time.” The others decide to give a chance to him.”

The Archregimancy

22-04-2007, 01:57

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

WORLD CUP TONIGHT

With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated

"So, Fr. John... Mekhule...."

"Well, there's not really much to say, Fr. Nicholas, is there? Seven - one. Ouch. One of the most awesome displays of Monastic Football in the history of the Archregimancy's national team, God be praised. Well indeed have the lads earned their day of rest this Sunday."

"And Fr. Innocent and Fr. Silouan continue their scorching form, Fr. John..."

"Absolutely, Fr. Nicholas - I don't know which icons they're venerating pre-match, but I'd like one for my collection too! <both laugh> A hat-trick each. Marvellous stuff. The big surprise, in fact, was that - for the first time this campaign - someone other than the two forwards scored a goal, with native Bazalonian Fr. Barsanuphius the Strong contributing a powerful first half free kick. I'm worried that we again let in a late consolation goal, but, well, after scoring seven, a little Christian charity to the home heathens can't go amiss."

"It's almost enough to make you support ass-chasing, Fr. John!"

"Well, I still have my doubts about that, Fr. Nicholas - you know I'm sympathetic to MAADE's goals - but certainly Fr. David's unorthodox (in the non-theological sense) training practices seem to have their benefits."

"If we can turn from last night's match, Fr. John, and towards the news from Errinundera that has the entire Archregimancy abuzz.... the rumoured defection of the Potoroos' goalkeeper to become an Orthodox monk..."

"GOD BE PRAISED indeed, Fr. Nicholas, for I can in fact confirm the accuracy of this rumouir. Anonymous, but reliable, sources from the Synodical Office for Monastic Security let me know overnight that young David - as he is known to us - is being questioned in a secure location by SOfMoS' Unit 4 to test the sincerity of his conversion, but that early reports indicate the young man is entirely sincere. This is truly a blessed day for the Archregimancy."

"A remarkable coup for Orthodox football, that, Fr. John. Errinundera's not known as the most Orthodox of nations, though we certainly admire their strong commitment to the enviromental nurturing of God's creation. You know, some in the Holy Synod scoffed when the Monastic Football Association was given its missionary charter, but look at the squad today... two Bazalonians, a Wentlander, an indigenous Ariddian, and now - potentially - an Errinunderan international. Admittedly Bazalonia has a strong native Orthodox tradition of its own with the Autocephalous Iconodulistic church, but still...."

"Truly the MFA and the national squad have taken Orthodoxy to many nations.... And long may this continue. You never know... Before you know it, the entire Atheistic Right team might defect...."

Alasdair I Frosticus

22-04-2007, 02:21

Somewhere deep within the bowels of the HQ of the State Bureau for Imperial Security... very deep, that is.... extraordinarily deep.... so deep that if we drew you a map, we'd have to kill you....

Lies the SBIS Reality Continuum Observation Room...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Funny.... What's this in reality BTTA876nswc56Y2xzxz?"

"Err....... Don't know, sir. Let me look.... Bettia... Nationstates world cup... well... that is odd...."

"I'd say. Who authorised a bleed between realities?"

"Looks like it was Botaniates, sir."

"What the hell was he thinking?"

"Let me download the file.... Ah. Says it's Code O business, sir. Authorised by ISPI itself, sir."

"That can't be. Not code O. Not outside the Dreamed Realm."

"Says so right here, sir. 'Gweithred Anghenfilod Fettia', sir."

"And who's responsible? Who's doing this?"

"Don't rightly know, Sir. That's classified, that is. Don't think it's us though, sir, despite the authorisation from Botaniates ..... Would you like me to do something about it, sir?"

"What? And make the situation worse? You know how things work around here, lad. Watch and wait... watch and wait... observe, but rarely act. Still, send a covert SBIS squad to Bettia - we might need some people on the ground. And make sure they remember not to wear red this time! Also, authorise a stage 4 tail if they get drawn in the Holy Empire for the World Cup proper. Don't want things getting out of hand if it is an ISPI code O."

"And what about Northern Bettia, sir?"

"What about them, lad?"

"Well, I was watching reality BTTA876nswc56Y2xzxz on the oneiroscreen yesterday..."

"And... out with it, lad..."

"Looks like the Bettians themselves think there might be a code O in operation with the behaviour of the Northern Bettians..."

"Well spotted lad. Let me look at that file.... Hm. Better not take any chances. I want room 202 prepared, just in case the Fire Ants qualify and play here. Though with any luck they'll end up in Ariddia."

"Room 202, sir? Are you quite sure?"

"Are you questioning me, lad?"

"No sir...."

"Good, because we wouldn't want the dreaming monks to forget about you tomorrow morning, would we?"

"No sir, it's just that.... room 202.... that seems, well, rather drastic..."

"Eternal vigilance is the price for utopian freedom, lad. Those freedoms up on the surface were hard fought-for. You know that as well as I do. What if one day a code O turns out to be genuine? And if eternal vigilance sometimes requires some.... extra persuasion... well, no one else need ever know about it."

"If you're sure, sir."

"I am lad. You know what to do. So do it...."

THE HOLY EMPIRE OF ALASDAIR I FROSTICUS CATEGORICALLY DENIES THE EXISTENCE OF THIS RP

Quakmybush

22-04-2007, 05:32

Greg Hughes was pretty angry following his team's loss to Kiryu-Shi in qualifying for the 34th World Cup. "Fucking, shit, fuck, goddamn, son of a bitch, whore, skank god fucking dammit." Well, he was a bit more then pretty mad. He went to bed. He tossed and turned for a while before finally going to sleep. He slipped into a dream. He was in a soccer stadium, in Praying2God, a nation that didnt even exist anymore, he regocnized it. It was Quakmybush's first ever international soccer game. The Sharks won that game, 1-0 on a goal by Jon Fields. That was the beginning of the Sharks World Cup 29 qualifying run, where they managed to qualify, as an unranked team.

He watched the goal happen, he smirked in his sleep, it was an amazing game. Then, as the game ended, the rain began to fell. Then the thunder and lighting began. But, something different happened this time. A large hand pointed down from the clouds. "What the hell?" Hughes asked.

"I am the NSWC god!" a voice booming down from the sky said.

"Ok, and what do you want?" Hughes said.

"Well.... you know how you're team is losing right now?" the god asked.

"Obviously, we're getting raped out there."

"Well, it's a fuck you, from me."

"What!?"

"Well, you team got a bit of luck in its first few qualifying campaigns, so I'm really gunna make you work for it this time."

"You're an asshole."

"Thanks.... now, I'm off, I have to go scare the Bazalonian coach." And with that a poof Greg Hughes woke up.

Kiryu-shi

22-04-2007, 05:57

Kiryu-shi Wins With Great Defense

By Michio Hibbert

Ruckus Room, Quakmybush Playing against the second seeded Quakmybush squad, the Kiryu-shi Dragons pulled off their greatest upset so far. They managed to take a one nil win out of their game at the former World Cup hosts, a team that was dominant during the begining of qualifiers, but has struggle recently, even drawing Gnejs in their last match. Kiryu-shi played mostly defensive for most of the match, just attacking enough to take a lead, and then counting on their defense to keep them up. The strategy was much more effective than what they used against Bettia in their last match, where they played a more run and shoot type game. Quakmybush beat Kiryu-shi at Kiryu-shi the last time they met, but Kiryu-shi is showing signs of improving every match.

____The opening minutes were pretty quiet, as niether squad started off the match that well. Sloppy play lead to a lot of intercepted passes and wasted oppurtunities. The first chance, in the fifth minute, was created when Quakmybush forward Ben Miller recieved a pass in the penalty area, got a good shot, but his kick sent the ball crashing into the side bar. That would be the closest that Quakmybush would ever come to scoring. Kiryu-shi defenders played aggressive and unyeilding defense, never letting any Quakmybush player anytime to manuever on the pitch. Meanwhile, in the 33rd minute, Pat Mayberry connected on a long shot over the out of position Cam Carroll to score the only goal of the match. Pruet, Moya and LeBlanc were outstanding in the match.

____Next Kiryu-shi will face the struggling but dangerous Gnejs squad, who have had some good moments in a pattern of mostly awkward play. Kiryu-shi have a chance to move up even further in the points column, pulling closer to a possible third place finish. Kiryu-shi beat Gnejs for their first WC win earlier this qualifying, but that was at home, and playing away is always a little tougher.

Bazalonia

22-04-2007, 06:54

"Not again" Joseph thought as once again he woke up tied to a chair with rope. "The Atheists should be somewhat more creative then bashiung people unconcious and tying them up."

And then he realised what was happening, his eyelids where held open as he was watching a movie play his head was locked in a brace. He had no option but to watch what was happening on screen. Of course, he was being attempted to be brainwashed. It's better to not go into the details of the video but Joseph noticed a pattern in the videos. It had all to do with there being no god or gods, destruction of religious paraphernalia including places of worship and stuff in relations to aliens.

Of course Joseph being secure in bboth his faith and undderstanding how this worked and have methods to disconnect allowed him to get through the 10 hour barrage of repeating images unscathed, but he also knew how to act.

After the 10 hours he was released and they had somewhat of a celebration. Drinks and food where there and welcomed him to the group.

"Tonight we celebrate. Tomorrow we work." Said Marcus

Joseph wondered what that meant but still enjoyed the food, though there was something about the food that concerned him, he could not quite put his finger on it but it was only a fleeting feeling that was soon removed as he continued to party.

The next morning he would find out why he thought the food tasted funny.. but that is a story for another day.

Turori

22-04-2007, 07:27

http://www.3wideracing.com/3wide/sites/ao/turori/images/logo.gif

Turorian Roller Coaster Heads to The Archregimancy

The Turori Eels faced an up and down middle section of their World Cup Qualifying campaign starting with the match against Turruth Gordur. It was a dissapointing result all around as Turori fell to a weaker opposition who seemed fixated on learning the secrets of the Cocoabo. The Turorian FA has reportedly considered sending a pair of Cocoabo's to Turruth Gordor as a bribe for a guaranteed victory against the side in the return qualifying leg.

The defeat seemed to inspire the players, though, and Imaima Cziil who scored the lone goal in the 1-2 loss to Turruth Gordur was handed a rare start as the team travelled to the very important match against Northern Bettia. Cziil rewarded his managers faith with two first half goals at the Sakura Park. Turori then put on the brakes in the second half as Northern Bettia was reduced to nine men, content just to hang on to possession and secure the three points with the 2-0 lead.

The road trip continued on against group whipping boys Holweg, who had up to this point not won a single gain or earned a single point. That is, until Turori showed up, or, more accurately, did not show up. In one of the more embarrassing results for the Eels in recent times, lowly Holweg without so much as names for their players secured the convincing 2-0 victory as the Eels stunningly negated their fine win over Qualification foes Northern Bettia with a terrifying defeat to the groups worst side. Perhaps overconfidence was the culprit, but there was no sense looking back on it, only making the task of qualification that much more difficult for Riailia Magic's team.

The Eel's had another chance for redemption as they hosted Mekhule at the Cednia Beach Centre in Turori. After winning 6-0 on the road, the Eels were confident of victory, but once again looked less than convincing. The Eels did jump out to an early 2-0 lead through Muaiaaia Lua Viiala and Zemloi Amafaira, but the visitors pulled one back on the stroke of half time to reduce their deficit. Much to the angst of the home supporters, Mekhule looked the better side in the second half and got a deserved equalizer just after the hour, and began pressing for a winner. The crowd was left to hold its breath for the final half an hour, but thankfully it was Turori who would have the last laugh, with Ereuau Nubaua finding Lotuta Kanzai on a massive counter attacking run deep into stoppage time, Kanzai finishing with a cool lob from the edge of the penalty area with the final touch of the game to give the Eels all three points.

Turori will now travel to The Archregimancy needing a victory to get back into the chase for Qualification from Group 2, currently standing in 3rd place three points behind The Archregimancy in the group table with one more game played.

http://www.3wideracing.com/3wide/sites/ao/turori/images/turbot.gif

Elves Security Forces

22-04-2007, 07:38

Elven Times
Set in Cruise or Accelerate?

Well, you lot need to excuse me for last weeks article, as I had misread the schedule and came to realise that the squad was playing two matches last weekend, with a friendly in Jersuelem and a home match against British Londinium. Seeing as how the friendly landed on a qualifying match day, Soler decided to send the reserve squad into the Jeruselem match with Titenburg at the helm of the match and kept the starters and keys subs in the ESF for the British invasion. The reserves did awfully well considering their competition and their expierence compared to, pulling out a draw with the mighty Crusaders, while the Marauders trampled all over the Brits to a smooth five to nil finish that leaves them on top of the group heading into this huge match away in the group's top seed of Geisenfried. I do not need to stress to the public how important this match will be, a win will nearly gurantee the Marauders qaulification along with the group win.

The match against the Londinium went pretty much as expected, with the Marauders simply dominating the match, with no statistic showing this more than the 83 percent possession the squad had. Jannian found Kiso again for the first goal almost a quarter hour into the match off a free kick. Tobias Raynor showed some signs of youthly exuburance when he dribbled through two defenders and spun past the leaping keeper, getting the easy to notch open net goal off before a defender could come sliding in. Getting one of her rare non penalty goals in the tournament so far, Kyla Night was found completely unmarked at the top of the box by Cuellar and got off a good one touch that squeaked in through the legs of the keeper. She would strike again fiften minutes into the second half, after a defelcted pass was gathered up and made an elegant run from inside her own zone, and got the goal with a hard and low blast. The scoring spree was finished off by veteran defender Liliam Kries who was able to get to a Jannian corner, and volley it through.

Geisenfried is in the midst of a battle at the second slot, but do have the advatange with the game in hand over Green Wombat. With the Marauders having to play both, the group has their fates in their hands, with no one who should be in the way top derail them. The question now becomes as to how the squad should approach these big games, whether to try and win the games and take the group, or play not to lose and rest the stars for the Proper. Soler is the first manager in ESF history to have this luxury, and should male the right decision for the players whatever it may turn out to be. I think he'll likely play the stars until the lead is safe, and then systematically pull them out one by one, resting them and allowing some key subs to get the expierence they need and deserve. Let Strength, Honor, and Glory run loudly through the streets, and make your dates with destiny, for that is the next stop on this long journey for the Elves.

Elves Security Forces 5
Kiso Night (14)
Tobias Raynor (20)
Kyla Night (43)
Kyla Night (60)
Liliam Kries (72)

British Londinium 0

Article by Luna Santapa

Demot

22-04-2007, 08:14

Diary Entry 009

To wander the world was thy fate, for but the elegant and cold kiss of steel never found my skin, for even the betrayer gets betrayed.

I wonder what that quote means really. It sounds all philosophical and such, but to what purpose does it hold? I guess the same could be said about the physical life, as we are merely animals who are born, live, and die. On the surface there would be no reason for why we exist at all, nothing that would make life seem like it was worth it. You would see the horrors that our spiecies does onto itself, and you would question the purpose and reasoning of it all. Just the simple tasks like waking up every mornig and getting ready for whatever your day brings onto your table. The mere expierence of living would hold the same worth as that of dieing. So why put on with it all? The answer for me is family and love, and for the hope to change that what is wrong with the world, and try to make it better, even it it just a minuscule bit of a change.

What of football? Well there is not much to tell really as we had a bye week. However, silly Dogood thought we should not have the week off and scheduled the Slani federation of Commerce Heights for a home match. The game ended in a rather boring draw, and the squad didn't get much practise, just a loss of a possible training or resting day. Quite absurb if you ask me, but he didn't, so we had to do as he asked. Now though, we have the toughest game remaining on the schedule, as Cafundeu will be traveling to Skyhaven Citadel to try and avenge their loss to us early in campaign when we licked them in their home stadium. I admire their courage and confidence in thinking they can steal a victory here, but I doubt they can fufill their hopes and aspirations. If you really looked at the stats and forms, their chances of getting a victory here are quite slim. The squad is currently undefeated, has a signifcant goal differential, and has me at their captain. Not to sound overly arrogant here, but I have not come this far in my career or as a person to let these wishers come in here and steal our honor. I will give my life out there on the pitch if I have to if that is what it takes for us to win the match. This is Demot, and we are a proud proud people, and I refuse to let anyone think otherwise. No one will steal our honor, not while I am able to play my game out their on the pitch.

~ David Masteron

Errinundera

22-04-2007, 11:36

HARGARETIG AND REDNIL
14 POTOROO TUNNEL
BEDROCK, ELLERY
ERRINUNDERA 3071

Dearest Mother and Father,

Words cannot convey the joy that has suffused my life since making my decision to become a Russian Orthodox monk. I pray that you understand how important this is for me and, with your grace and love, support the difficult path I have chosen.

On the wall in my cell is a replica of the great icon “Theotokos of Vladimir”. The Virgin Mother’s head is leaning toward the infant Christ in love and devotion but her eyes are looking inwards and her demeanour is sad. It is as if she has had a vision of Our Lord’s future and seen his suffering. Jesus is embracing her with confidence, love and support.

This beautiful icon brings tears to my eyes as I think of you. Even though we are dimensions apart I seek to comfort you who, in your love for me, will be griefing our parting. Don’t cry for me. Instead rejoice in the humble yet noble life I have entered.

I cannot write much more. I am about to physically examined by Unit 4 of the Synodical Office for Monastic Security who want to convince themselves that I am a man. I forgive them and cannot blame them. I have lived a wild and sinful life to this point. I pray to our Father in Heaven that I can resist the temptation to indulge in the earthly pleasures I so enjoyed before. It is a truly massive task I have undertaken.

Once I am accepted it will not be possible to write to you for a long time. I am to be given the name of Brother David. Please accept my choice and understand that I am forever your loving son.

owiavi

(Letter returned to sender as the addressees were no longer at the above address.)

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/0/0a/Vladimirskaya.jpg/180px-Vladimirskaya.jpg

Ariddia

22-04-2007, 12:27

The Oneiromancer was never here, but this is an RP cut-off. Results here (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12568918&postcount=13).

Errinundera

22-04-2007, 14:59

News item from Bonang’s (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Bonang) most popular news source: The nation.

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/TheNationMasthead.gif

A NEW STORY FOR AN OLD SCORE

Wentland and Errinundera are the top 2 seeds in group 4 in World Cup 34 qualifying, rated 11 and 15 in the world respectively. In the first half of qualifying they met here in Bonang and tied at 2-all. Yesterday the potoroos travelled to the Warplands Stadium in Wentland and tied at, you guessed it, 2-all. Even the scorers were the same. The story, however was entirely different.

The earlier match was notorious for its ugly, confused and congested display. In contrast the match at Warplands was fast, open and skilful. The swifts ignored their reputation as a stodgy, defensive team and tried to outplay the potoroos at their own game – constant running, rapid movement of the ball and pinpoint passing.

Frankie Treves, sporting a glorious shiner after colliding with potoroo defender, ininggu, explained after the match that the Swifts had decided to apply the lesson they learned from the earlier match. “When we played defensively in that game we never got the ball forward. Errinundera was able to control the game. In the last 15 minutes we attacked and they fell apart. It must have been a mental thing after rosaniel was concussed because this time round the potoroos matched us all day.”

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/Football9a.jpg
Potoroo defender ininggu clears the ball past an uncharacteristically attacking Bolster

Angelic, genderqueer rosaniel made herself the hero when she equalised late in the game. Coming back from yet another rest following concussion she kept her head while others lost theirs in the pressure cooker atmosphere. In the 84th minute she deftly side-stepped a charge from Vic Guthrie and curled the ball past the Wentland goalie. She told our reporter that she was pleased with her game. “I think I earned by keep today. I seemed to read the play and the elbows well.”

rosaniel remains concerned about the team’s chances of qualifying. “We are 4 points behind Vilita who, like us, are yet to have a bye. Wentland and Swilatia have both had their byes. Wentland is equal with us on points and Swilatia are only 2 behind. On the day we have our bye the other 3 top sides are playing the 3 bottom sides. On current form you would expect Vilita, Wentland and Swilatia to win on that day. We don’t have enough points up our sleeve to hold them out. We could even end up in fourth place and miss out on the repercharge. Those losses to SS Oaklands and Swilatia are really coming back to bite us.”

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Wentland.png
Wentland 2
(Newton 18, Treves 48)

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Errinundera.png
Errinundera 2
(snaporoo 4, rosaniel 84)

Errinundera's WC34 scorers:
10 carltu
5 rosaniel
4 snaporoo
2 immelfar
2 isshare
1 matthieug
1 scerberu

Bostopia

22-04-2007, 15:13

The Daily Mail
22nd April - 30p

Clive Richards

Fort Boston, Fort Boston - Following yesterday’s Group 10 ties, Bostopia have slipped out of the top three in Group 10 for the first time since the start of the World Cup. Bostopia, who had their second bye day, now find themselves in fourth, on 12 points, one point behind Acapais on 13. Bostopia could find themselves in second after the next game, should Rejistania lose and they beat Milchama sufficiently to move ahead on goal difference.

However, the next two ties ahead do now look at all easy for the boys in red, white and blue, facing Milchama away and then a tough home game against Rejistania. Bostopia of course have already beat both these teams, with a 2 – 1 win at home over Milchama, and a 1 – 0 win away in Rejistania. Bostopia have had their fair share of scalps, drawing with Liverpool England 1 – 1 in their first ever match on the global scale.

Renowned for being the best team in the Region, Bostopia cemented this position with a 2 – 0 win over Borisivich in the final of the UFR Cup of Nations last year, which was held in Bostopia. That Cup of Nations, best known for Vladmiristaki Chairman Dr.Maximillian Xavier Arkady Ivanov Vlad attempting to attack Dewey, the leader of Deweyland following Deweyland’s 2 – 1 win over Vladmiristak in the Quarter Finals at the Ranton Road Stadium, following some rather dubious refereeing by the Outer Sygonian official.

On the World Stage though, Bostopia still has much to prove. Lying 51st in the World Rankings, Bostopia has come on greatly since World Cup 29, and could be higher if they had entered World Cup 31. As we know, the reason for not entering was because of the war Bostopia had fought with Adoros, following the downing of a Bostopian helicopter by Adorosian troops.

Adam Collick’s final World Cup at the reigns of Bostopian football could yet be one that steers the side into the World Cup Finals, but the Bostopian team will have to perform, and the crowd, already doing a fantastic job, will have to become the 12th man who is worth more than any football player in the World.

New Manhattan

22-04-2007, 19:12

http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/logos/tribune/
AEROPAG, JI • 0.10 g Au • 146–01–20
The Oneiromancer wasn’t here. It did not happen, it will not happen, it isn’t happening now.

Fans flock across border for Olympic Stadium exhibition match
QUERZAKHI, TA—Just months before the start of the Games of the II Olympiad, the 혜성즈 (Hyesūŋjī) of 자스연 (Jasīʼyūn) fought a tough ninety-minute battle against Capitalizt SLANI’s temporary revival of the Lions to mark the re-opening of Drakcorp Querzakhi Olympic Stadium. Over four-fifths of the stands, expanded to seat over one hundred and fifty thousand, was filled with the green and blue of Bedistan. It had been over a decade since the terrorist attack that destroyed the Bedistan Football Association, and the Bedistani fans had been anticipating this game for months.

Alejandro Bolúfero’s Lions kicked off the match, and a brilliant advance by Saturia Krestela throught the 자스연 (Jasīʼyūn) defense nearly gave them an instant lead; stopped only by Leon Petersdorf’s hands. 자스연 used the next few minutes as passing practice in their midfield, until striker Rodolfo Bolúfero took the ball into the Lions’ penalty area. East Bedistan goalkeeper Migelo Salo made a poor decision in coming out for the ball, and defender Marilyn Santiago fouled Bolúfero to prevent the goal, for which he received only a yellow card. The ensuing penalty kick, taken by June Daniel, went over the bar.

East Bedistan took the lead in the eleventh minute when, on a corner kick, Krestela headed the ball down to Bill Blair, whose upper leg the ball bounced off of and into the goal. Petersdorf attempted to convince the referee, Reichsföderation resident Yves Münzer, that Blair handballed, but the goal stood. East Bedistan remained firmly in control of the game throughout the remainder of the first quarter, but received no additional opportunities for goals.

The remainder of the first half saw 자스연 (Jasīʼyūn) open up numerous scoring chances, but consistently fail to convert them into goals. In the twenty-fourth minute, 하성윤 (Ha Sūŋ-yun) received a solid pass from Rodolfo Bolúfero, but kicked the ball just wide of the goal. Three minutes later, their positions were reversed as Bolúfero’s shot hit the post on the other side of the goal and bounced clear. In the twenty-ninth minute, midfielder Brandon Richardson finally put the ball in the net for the 혜성즈 (Hyesūŋjī), but was ruled offside, seemingly incorrectly. This pattern continued until Münzer finally put an end to the half and let the team recover in the locker room.

The second half was much less eventful than the first, primarily due to 자스연 (Jasīʼyūn)’s switch to a defensive 5–4–1, substituting Moritz Bernsteindreher in for 하성윤 (Ha Sūŋ-yun). The Lions used their first-half experience to more effectively control Rodolfo Bolúfero, who was unable to get a single shot on goal in the half. The only goal in the final forty-five minutes came on a sixty-ninth minute penalty kick, controversially awarded when Blair was allegedly fouled by Bernsteindreher. Krestela’s kick was saved on the first attempt, but the referee ordered it retaken because Troy Daniels had not left the penalty area at the time. The second kick, a bullet into the top-left corner of the goal, put East Bedistan up 2–0, a score which would stand until the final whistle.

After the game, Capitalizt SLANI earned a significant profit from sales of the East Bedistan XI kits (pictured below) outside the stadium. One Bedistani fan, when interviewed, said, “We couldn’t actually get tickets, but we crossed the border just for the kits. It’s a bit of a family tradition—I think we’ve collected every design the Lions have worn since World Cup 12.” Despite the benefit to SLANI’s pocketbook, coach Alejandro Bolúfero had a negative outlook on the game. “So what if we get a few hundred kilos of extra profit from this? Our team has to take a day off practice just one week before the crucial match against Tynelia, the whole staff has to fly all the way down here from Prontera, and I’m supposed to try to coach a bunch of players I’ve never heard of. If the Capitalizts play badly next week, I’ll probably place the blame entirely on this little stunt.”

http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/worldcup/kits/BDS/34/
East Bedistan XI’s kits worn during the exhibition game today.

http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/worldcup/graphics/flags/33/JSY/ 자스연 (Jasīʼyūn) 0
http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/worldcup/graphics/flags/33/BDS/ Capitalizt SLANI East Bedistan XI 2 (Blair 11, Krestela pen 69)
Drakcorp Querzakhi Olympic Stadium, Querzakhi, UCS • Attendance 157 080

Qazox

22-04-2007, 22:07

QSPNFootball.com Match Report

Sqournshelous 3-QAZOX 1

U-G-L-Y You ain't go no alibi, that was ugly!

A truly ugly start to today's match with Sqournshleous as Pertti Vilho managed to score 3 goals in 10 minutes givign the home side a 3-0 lead that Qazox never got close to challenging. A lone goal by Jonathon Sarafin kept it from being a complete ass-kicking.

So now back home for Zwangzug, who are surprisingly leading us for 3rd place, but only by a point. A win, and we re-gain control of our destiny.

Scoring Summary:
QAZOX: Sarafin (14)- 87'
SQR: Pertti Vilho- 13', 17', 23'

Rejistania

22-04-2007, 22:24

Amitu is normally not a person, who loses his sunny mood too easily. Growing up in the worst part of a nation which knows high social divides. Today however things went rotten for him. The monsoon ended and that meant the world was at the most dirty and in the most need of maintennce and people actually care about it. Also the job was rather bleak at the moment and he assumed soon he'd have to search a new one. While he was walking through the muddy streets to his job in the factory, he saw a beggar on the street. While this was normally nothing wrong, this beggar was a Tux. He stopped. He looked again. It REALLY was a Tux.

"*squeak* Do you have one hundred lil'kansu'ny? I am hungry and I am thirsty!"

"You are a speaking penguin? Are you SuperTux?"

"Not super anymore after my nation ceased but yeah, I was. Look how the fishermen injured me!"

Indeed. The penguin was showing many bad wounds.

"Oh dear! SuperTux, come to my shack and I can at least help you with these wounds. And I think I have some fish in the freezer." He knew that this would make him come too late for work, but the Tux was his childhood hero and he read every comic about SuperTux, which was released in Rejistania. The Tux followed Amitu the short distance to his house. Amitu helped him to clean and dress the wounds. During this, the Tux fell asleep. Amitu put him onto his bed when he left and explained at work that his alarm clock was killed by a leaking roof. For some strange reason, he was not fired.

Upon returning home, the Tux was lying on the bed with his eyes closed. Whe the Tux heard Amitu, it got out of the bed and said thanks for the sleep and also that it now needs to waddle further to Sike kali.

"Why Sike Kali?"

"I need to bring the ASR something! It is the last wish of my former government!"

"how about we go there together?"

"*squeak* What do you plan? Why are you so helpful to this karelan Tux?"

"You are my chikdhood hero! I want to listen to your stories from the old times!"

Bettia

22-04-2007, 23:53

The Enlightener: well ding dang doo, this job's mine
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y231/bettia/FAB.jpg

Bettia's New Jinn Tonic

Bettia..............................5 (B.Busilanta 14, P.Busilanta 18, A.Busilanta 62, Abramson 65, Miranda 77)
Quakmybush..............2 (Fields 39 72)

This has certainly been a momentous week for the Blessed Realm - in fact, this has probably been the most dramatic World Cup qualifying campaign this nation, or perhaps any nation, has ever had to go through. Of course, there's the fact that the Aroras have already netted an incredible 36 goals, a tally bettered only by Schiavonia, whilst shipping an average of two goals a game, meaning that Bettia's matches have suddenly become highly entertaining goalfests where spectators can reasonably expect to see six or seven scores each time.

This matchday saw a rematch of what has turned out to be the lowest scoring game of this campaign so far - that infamous red-tinted defeat at Quakmybush. This time however, the Aroras gained sweet revenge. Perhaps the spectacular goings-on in the previous match had done something to cause some apprehension in the visiting players. Perhaps it was the fact that the Aroras were better prepared, donning their second choice kit complete with Azurlens™ sunglasses to counteract the evilness of their opponents' red kit. The human contingent of the crowd did the same, with the many Jinns in attendance adding a unique atmosphere of their own.

It was obvious right from the kickoff that Aroras were playing with a confidence carried over from their hard-fought win over Az-cz. The Busilanta brothers were on top of their game, producing some intricate passing plays which at times threatened to overwhelm their opponents, and it was one of these plays which led to Bettia's first goal. Frank Myfanwy received the ball from a throw just inside the Bettian half, and then played a short ball forward to Peri Busilanta. The eldest of the triplets played a first-time ball to Andi, who then played a cheeky back-heel back to his brother before sprinting into space within the penalty area to receive the ball once more. A short diagonal run was enough to draw the goalkeeper out, leaving the net undefended for the third brother Budi to score an easy tap-in.

They often say a team is at its most vulnerable when they have just scored. Lately, it seems the opposite is true for the Aroras as it took just four minutes for them to double their advantage. Barry Scott had just seen a long-range free-kick tipped onto the post by an excellent Cam Carroll save. He followed that save up with yet more heroics by blocking Andi Busilanta's attempt to cash in on the rebound. Unfortunately for him, it was third time lucky for Bettia as Peri Busilanta notched another one up for the brothers, reacting quickest to knock the ball home.

The way this game was turning out, you'd be forgiven this game was about to turn into nothing more than a training match, but the visitors struck back on 39 minutes just to keep things interesting, thanks to a blistering twenty-five yard effort from goalscoring midfielder Jon Fields.

So, three goals in the opening half - that's pretty good entertainment, right? Well, yes, but things were about to get just a little bit crazy, thanks to a purple patch mid-way through the second half. It was Andi Busilanta who got the ball rolling, volleying home from just inside the area after a weak clearance from Eri Kurniawan's cross. With another clean sweep for the brothers completed, team manager Stuart Abdul-Rahim immediately replaced Peri and Budi Busilanta with young stars Abel Abramson and Evan Miranda.

It didn't take long for them to make an impact - 87 seconds to be exact as the two of them combined well down the centre, with Miranda laying on the final ball for Abramson to tuck away, ending a sweet move that sent the over-capacity crowd of humans and jinns into near-delirium. Five minutes later, Jon Fields grabbed his second of the game, curling a free-kick into the top corner after Andrew Plett was clumsily brought down by Sa'id bin Sa'id Ismail.

If the Busilanta brothers were the revelation of the last World Cup, then for this Cup that accolade would probably belong to Evan Miranda. Many doubted that he was ready to make the jump onto the world stage, but this 17 year old starlet has had the Bettian faithful basking in a talent which currently seems brighter than the sunshine at his home town of Akani Sands. Having set up Bettia's fourth goal, he underlined his potential by grabbing the fifth in quite spectacular style. After receiving the ball on the edge of the area with his back to goal, he flicked the ball up, then tapped it over himself and his marker before turning around, racing through to meet it and crashing home a sweet half-volley.

Despite more chances being created at both ends, that was the end to the goalscoring for one day. This result coupled with Northern Caesaria's quite remarkable form means that a five point gap has opened up between the top two and the chasing pack. Bettia lie in second place, one point behind but crucially with a game in hand. If both teams continue in this fashion, then the matchday 13 clash between the two at Tiddles Park could be vital in deciding the final outcome of this group.

Around The Grounds

First off to Group Two, where Northern Bettia's recent indifferent form continued with a 3-1 reverse away at Turruth Gordur, one of the few teams who could match them in brutality and dirty play. It seems they will need their bye to recuperate, with a very tough looking double-header away to The Archregimancy and Turori looming on the horizon... assuming they are even allowed into The Archregimancy, that is.

In group six, the top of the table clash between Jeruselem and Sel Appa ended in a 1-1 draw, leaving them separated by just one point at the top, with the HURD snapping at their heels. Luckily for Dazza and co, their game in hand plus a far superior goal difference should see them safely through to the finals.

If that was good, then the group seven table makes for excellent reading indeed. It seems the Lions of Nedalia have once again found their roar and head what could turn out to be very tight group thanks to a 3-1 win away to the Algal States, with former World Cup winners Squornshelous and reigning Cup of Harmony holders Zwangzug following close behind.

Meanwhile in group twelve, Az-cz slipped to a 2-1 defeat at home to Oliverry, and in doing so surrendered their place at the top of the table. However, just like Jeruselem, their game in hand and superior goal difference could turn out to be vital in deciding who finishes in first place.

Fixtures / Results

MD..OPPONENT................VENUE...RESULT

Qualifying Group 3

01: Kiryu-Shi...............HOME....W 7-1
02: BYE
03: Quakmybush..............Away....L 1-3
04: Gnejs...................Away....W 5-2
05: Estresse Intenso........HOME....W 5-2
06: Northern Caesarea.......Away....W 3-2
07: Lovisa..................HOME....W 4-2
08: Kiryu-Shi...............Away....W 6-4
09: Az-cz...................HOME....W 3-2 (Friendly)
10: Quakmybush..............HOME....W 5-2
11: Gnejs...................HOME....
12: Estresse Intenso........Away....
13: Northern Caesarea.......HOME....
14: Lovisa..................Away....

Cafundeu

23-04-2007, 00:08

O JUTENSE NEWSPAPER – ASSOCIATED WITH GLOBO MULTIMEDIA

WORLD CUP 34 QUALIFIERS COVERAGE
Match Report written by O Jutense editor, Milene Escobar
With phrases and images from Globo Multimedia’s coverage, commented by Breno Gavião

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TEAM TRIED, BUT COULDN’T GET A POINT AGAINST DEMOT

http://img222.imageshack.us/img222/9749/demcaf1vk0.jpg
Demot players commemorate

Everybody already knew that it was going to be an impossible game, nearly impossible to win or to draw. But the team played really well, and was able to get the lead twice. Unfortunately, they couldn’t hold the extreme pressure of the second half, and lost the game against Demot. The game was one of the best in Cafundéu’s campaign, but Demot also had an excellent performance, ending with the Monopolists’ hopes to get at least a point away.

With this result, Cafundéu returns to the third position in the group standings, behind Fmjphoenix. It seems difficult for Cafundéu to not finish at least in the third position, so now the staff will focus on the second position. With three points less than the direct opponents and three games remaining, the supporters hope for three victories, or at least two victories, one being against Fmjphoenix.

THE GAME
Nefasto’s formation this time was balanced, but with good use of the passing ability of the midfield and with a good defense, well organized after the victory against Ulzaxid. But Demot has a team well built, and for a long time. As Cafundéu’s team passed for many difficulties, the hosts seemed more ready to score and to win the game.

And surely the first attacks were for Demot. In the first, Vorca sent the ball to Masteron inside the area, who shot. The ball hit the bar. Minutes after, Unitus invaded the area, dribbled Sávio Ferrari and shot. Once again, the ball hit the post and left the playing field. But Cafundéu replied very well. Anormal shot from outside the area, and Orien sent the ball for a corner. Kliek took the corner kick and Becão headed to score the goal. Read Breno Gavião:

“Anorrrrrmal obligated the keeper to give us the corrrrrner kick. Kliek will take it. The ball goes to the arrrrrea, Becão has the chance to score... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! The defender-attacker scorrrrres again! Becão, number four! Cafundéu one, Demot zero! Buying a house or another building? Buy your materials in the Constructor House, all for buildings and houses!”

Suffering the first goal, Demot started to attack like crazy, and Cafundéu surely had to defend a lot. For some minutes, the visitors could hold the Dynamo, but their attacks were good and intense. Soon, Maryweather received the ball in the right wing and made a low cross to the area. Covas missed the ball and Sans invaded the area alone to hit the ball and score the first goal of the orange team in the game. Read Breno Gavião:

“Another attack for Demot. Demot is doing everrrrrything to scorrrrre the goal, the attacks arrrrre much strong. Marrrrryweather in the rrrrright wing, can crrrrross or invade the arrrrea. Decides to send the ball to the arrrrrea, the defense can’t clear it... herrrrre is Sans... and it’s a goal! Goal for Demot! Sans! Demot one, Cafundéu one!”

But Cafundéu continued attacking. In one good counterattack, Ijak received the ball from Dário, dribbled Falls and shot. Orien made a great save and held the ball. Demot replied with Ben, who shot from outside the area. The ball went over the bar. But the visitors were motivated and wanting to get a good result, and scored again. Anormal passed the ball to Kliek, who sent the ball to the area. The goalkeeper made a huge mistake and Heitor hit the ball with a bycicle kick, scoring a beautiful goal. Read Breno Gavião:

“Cafundéu comes to the attack again. The game is equal at this time, and both teams arrrrre having chances to scorrrrre. Kliek gets the ball near the arrrrrea, sends it to the arrrrrea, to Ijak or Heitor. The goalkeeper goes after Ijak, misses the ball! Heitor is alone to scorrrrre... the jump and... what a goal! What a goal! What a goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! You’ll want to see many replays of this one! Heitor, number eleven! Cafundéu two, Demot one!”

http://img222.imageshack.us/img222/162/demcaf2xe5.jpg
Durepox had difficulties to stop Demot’s attacks

Demot’s coach was desperate in the bench, and started to shout to his players, trying to correct their positioning. David Nefasto seemed comfortable, but Demot seemed really obsessed in scoring the second goal. And it happened. Masteron was with the ball in the wing, dribbled Priotto and crossed the ball to the area. Sans missed the header, Becão headed it badly, and Thorax hit the ball with his thigh to score the goal. The first half ended 2x2.

Cafundéu wanted to defend more in the second half, and put Barbosa in Dário’s place. In the other way, Demot put Lewis in the place of Unitus, who was having a bad day. The pressure of the supporters motivated even more Demot, and Cafundéu looked in a bad situation, as it was discovered that Fmjphoenix was winning the game.

Cafundéu had the first good chance of the second half. Kirs passed the ball to Priotto, who saw Ijak in a good position. With the ball, the striker was blocked by the defender, and was well-marked by the defense. Anormal was with difficulties too, having to face Masteron. Both received yellow cards after a small discussion, but nothing serious, as both greeted each other after that. Soon, Demot started to attack while Cafundéu defended. In one play, Ben received the ball inside the area and shot. Durepox saved, and Ben asked for a penalty. Read Breno Gavião:

“Ijak is now leaving the field, Kimball in the game. After the game, watch the news of our country, with Jaime Nascimento and Clarrrrra Dizete. With the support of Passaúde Medicines, your best frrrrriend when you get sick! Demot attacks with Ben, he invades the arrrrrea, shoots! Durepox! Sávio Ferrari pulled him, but the rrrrreferee ignored Ben.”

The game was ending, and Demot was the only team attacking. Cafundéu had some rare chances from counterattacks, but really seemed comfortable with the draw. But such a big pressure lead to a goal. Maryweather passed the ball to Ben, who headed the ball near the ground to score the goal. Cafundéu decided to attack with all players in the last minutes of the game, but couldn’t score. Read Breno Gavião:

“Demot in the attack. Marrrrryweather. Passes the ball to the middle of the arrrrrea, Prrrrriotto kicks it... Sans got it and passed it back to Marrrrryweather. Another pass, Ben jumps to head it... and it’s a goal! Goal for Demot! Ben! In the last minutes of the game! Demot three, Cafundéu two!”

AFTER THE GAME
The coach David Nefasto wasn’t happy, but wasn’t too sad. He said to the media: “Demot is the best team of the group, so we can’t get angry with a loss. We can get the second place back easily, we only have to defeat Fmjphoenix in the last game and get some points in the other games. Another good thing is that St Samuel lost again, so I don’t think that they can finish the group stage in front of us. We’ll qualify. Please continue trusting on me.”

The players talked with the media too. One of them was Covas, who said: “Léo Mattos was suspended, and I played this game trying to take a starter position in the team. But we lost, so I wasn’t successful.” Anormal said: “It was too difficult. We tried and even had some good chances, but they were too much for us.” Kliek said: “We shouldn’t expect less for a semifinalist of the World Cup.”

The president of the CCFM, Samuel Makas, isn’t so happy with David Nefasto’s performance as the coach of the National Team, although his results weren’t so bad: “We’ll have games against Magnus Valerius and Atheistic Right. If we not qualify, he’ll surely be fired.” But Mr. Jowenguard thinks that Nefasto’s results were good until now.

http://img138.imageshack.us/img138/5673/demcaf3fw7.jpg
Cafundéu had to play with its third kit to avoid confusions

DEMOT 3x2 CAFUNDÉU

Place: Skyhaven Citadel, in Demot.
Attendance: 57,000 people.
Referee: Andy Rockentasrer (Wentland).
MOTM: Ricardo Steppt Kliek (Cafundéu).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/demot.png DEMOT: Orien, Mataios, Falls (Stark 58’), Thorax and Dario; Vorca (Corin 78’), Masteron and Sans; Maryweather, Unitus (Lewis 45’) and Ben.
Coach: Charles Dogood.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Durepox, Covas, Kirs, Becão and Sávio Ferrari (Kemp 87’); Anormal, Priotto, Dário (Barbosa 45’) and Kliek; Heitor and Ijak (Kimball 65’).
Coach: David Nefasto.

Goals: DEM: Sans 30’ , Thorax 38’ , Ben 86’.
CAF: Becão 23’ , Heitor 34’.

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Cafundéu – formation for game against Magnus Valerius: Durepox, Léo Mattos, Kirs, Becão and Sávio Ferrari; Anormal, Priotto, Falcus and Kliek; Heitor and Ijak.
Coach: David Nefasto
Style of +2

Match’s Referee: Safira Marca (Bettia).

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Goalscorers after 9 Rounds:

8- G. Ijak
6- Heitor
4- Anormal
3- Becão
2- R. Kliek, Renário and Dário
1- R. Kirs, C. Falcus and M. Priotto

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PAI DINAH SAYS

3rd PART OF THE PREDICTIONS OF THE SPIRITUAL MEDIUM FROM CAFUNDÉU

About... GROUP 6:

“What is it? A naked woman comes running in a huge meadow. She stays in front of a turtle. But an interesting thing is that this turtle isn’t so slow. It is running fast, and is trying to catch the naked woman, but she seems to be in control. The turtle is a bit tired, and a robot tries to take advantage of the situation to stay ahead of the turtle. The robot has a good pace, and all the other competitors are behind them, especially a poor penguin, which is nearly dying because of the meadow’s heat.”

About... GROUP 10:

“I’m in the moon. There is a flag in its surface, and two people are holding it. One of them struggles to hold it, but the other one is calm. There are other people in the moon, and they’re battling to reach the flag, having difficulties to reach it because of the gravity. When it looks that one of them will reach the flag, one of the last positioned can knock them out, and they have to start again.”

Jeruselem

23-04-2007, 00:41

<Dinkie Dosha, Dazza Dallas in a cycling suit and Kylie Kool>

Dinkie: I'm Dinkie Dosha, and this is The Village Bike aka Dazza Dallas. This is THE FOOTBALL LIFE!
Dazza: Our special guest is Kylie Kool, uber cyclist and daughter of Harry Kool. Like me, she's going to be a Mum now.
Kylie: Hi viewers. You getting ready for some riding Dazza?

Dazza: Always, Kylie! First thing, do you want the Jerusalem United Stadium to be renamed the Harry Kool Stadium.
Kylie: Actually, my father didn't want that. He wanted the honours to go to someone more deserving.
Dazza: But Harry was the pioneer of the modern game for Jeruselem, who else is more deserving?
Kylie: He wanted your name on the stadium.

Dazza: The Dazza Dallas Stadium? Wow ...
Dinkie: Why is that Kylie?
Kylie: Well, he thought this little woman here is done more for football than he ever did. In the past, Jeruselem were just some team who made the World Cup finals and did nothing. People only really take notice of Jeruselem, mainly because they needed a face for Jeruselem. In the past, we had Rachel Kool my mother, but she was not a football player. Then bimbo turned up, and put Jeruselem on the map - we weren't just another team, we are Jeruselem.
Dinkie: How about your football skills?

Kylie: I've tried but I'm no good. Cycling is my game - but I still love football. I married a footballer too.
Dazza: How's the bubs going?
Kylie: First time but I'm sure I can handle it when it happens. I see you developing too.
Dazza: Number three! (smiles)
Dinkie: I'd better hurry up too but never mind that.

Dazza: Why me? Why not someone else?
Kylie: Most footballers are footballers, but we needed a face where people say he or she is from Jeruselem. as well. Most teams don't have reporter-players or now reporter-coaches. We are unique, and you are face of Jeruselem to the outside world. A new sexy Jeruselem with nothing to hide, and to show the world we are not living in the past. If someone needed to flash their private parts, act like an idiot, play for the cameras and show women can play football too - you are the one. You've done everything now, except win the World Cup itself. Football clubs have no shortage of young men and women willing to play. The future is good.

Dinkie: Just to tell the people out there, my sister Annabelle is Jeruselem's premier sprinter in cycling.
Dazza: I've worked with the cycling team, and they are all good people too.
Dinkie: Let's get back to the football!

Dinkie: In Group 6! Jeruselem took on the turtles or Sel Appa. We didn't really play all that well, but the Sel Appa did and despite the best efforts of both teams, no one won. Dazza Deux scored again after make a really subtle strike, one which knocked over two Sel Appa defenders before sending the keeper into the back of the net. She's a weapon that robot. In the other games, Raging Penguins drew with the team no one can spell ONE ALL, and The Macabees! They won a game - beating Oglethorpia TWO NIL.
Dazza: I do have to mention we had to replace the football after Dazza score the goal, it kinda went flat. Good thing she didn't kick anyone - would have hurt. Jeruselem still lead from Sel Appa, and the HURD who had the bye are 3rd. One point separating the top 3 from each other, Sel Appa have the bye next. Err, Dinkie - an off day?
Dinkie: Yeah, accurate as shotgun today. A sore foot does not help.
Dazza: Good thing we have robots to help out.

Dinkie: In Group 3, Bettia didn't beat around the bush or quak it. They hammered Quakmybush FIVE TWO. Yes, as Dazza always says - they were the much Bettia team on the day.
Dazza: A lot Bettia! (giggles). Bettia are still 2nd to Northern Hail Caesar.

Dinkie: In Group 7, our Lions lead the charge. Nedalia defeated former group leader Algal States THREE ONE to take the table by storm, and lead it. It was good for former world champs Squornshelous too as they moved to 2nd on the table. GO LIONS
Dazza: Well, great going by the lions. Winning and winning well. Scoring big wins over big teams, that's the LIONS we want to see. Good to see the Lions back on the road to success.

Dazza: YAP YAP. The sales of ON YA BIKE are good! Giveaway time, what we flogging now Dinkie?
Dinkie: Bicycles, Dazza. People in Jeruselem may have noticed we take your name and address down when you buy the new Jeruselem World Cup 34 theme song. JGN are giving away one hundred brand new bicycles - to enter, just buy the single. The one with Dazza on a bicycle as a cover, in a bikini.
Kylie: It comes with all safety gear you need, and each winner also gets a signed photo from me too.
Dazza: Kylie is a Tour de Qazox winner, so buy up. One for all the family, and even err your cat and dog.

Dinkie: Oh, if you work for JGN, Jeruselem FA and related organisations - you can't win for fairness sake.
Dazza: Meaning us.
Kylie: Speaking of bikes, I saw your daughter tearing around the park on her bike Dazza. She's might have a future in cycling too.
Dazza: She's an active girl, well like me.
Dinkie: She's crazy, like you too. Well that's it from the FOOTBALL LIFE.

Dazza: And ON YA BIKE ... (waving a rather large CD single)

Sel Appa

23-04-2007, 04:24

"So how are those Turtles doing?"

"Pretty good actually. They have a 5-3-1 record so far, 7 goals ahead, and are in second place. If the qualifiers ended now, they'd qualify."

"Really? What's left for them?"

"Three matches. First, we host the HURD. Then, a bye day, followed by a visit to Raging Penguins, which will include heavy security beacuse Raging Penguins is one of the most dangerous countries for foreigners in the world. ANd we round off with Schorisalami or whatever at home."

"How hard are these teams?"

"The HURD is pretty good, and may get a draw out of us. Raging Penguins and Schorisalami should be easy wins as long as the team plays and doesn't just sit around."

"What about this last match?"

"Against Jeruselem? Interesting to me. We needed a draw against them to get an extra point, especially since we lost two points to the Macabees."

"Do you think the Turtles will qualify?"

"Most likely, they have a good lead over third place that will be hard to surmount."

"Interesting. Maybe I'll watch a match soon..."

"GOod, they can be fun and intense at times."

Quakmybush

23-04-2007, 04:37

"What do we need to do?" Greg Hughes asked after his team lost to Bettia 5-2, and slid further into 3rd place. "Do I need a jade monkey and a pint of virgin blood, or something." he said as he began to pace his office. "Do we need to cheat like those dirty North Bettians. Or start praying to some false like God, like the hosts do, or do some dance like the other hosts do. Bah! I can't think of anything." he said. "Whatever.... were still gunna be in a playoff spot.... hopefully." he added. He went into the team's rec room, and flicked on the tv. The game show "Guess the Soccer Score". It was on the PBC, because everyone knows they broadcast crap.

The first contestant had to guess the score of the Commerce Heights JSY vs the East Bedistan X1 match. She guess 3-1 CH JSY, and was wrong. She got sludged. This gave Hughes an idea.

He ran into the dressing room, where all the player were, and told them to meet him in the video room. He put on the films on from the teams first match vs Estresse Intenso. "Alright, were going to watch this match. At the end I'm going to give you all a quiz. If everyone gets 95% or higher we go for frosty chocolate milkshakes, if not, we watch the game again, got it?" The team nodded. After the game was finished Hughes asked 20 questions. All except 3 of the players got the questions right. After the second time around everyone got the questions right. "Well we see how this works. See ya guys later."

"What about our milkshakes?" asked Rui Bandino

"You'll get them when you get home"

The Archregimancy

23-04-2007, 05:44

THE MONASTIC TIMES

EELS PROVE SLIPPERY
Draw Again Disrupted By Pro-Donkey Demonstrators

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

The Archregimancy's otherwise successful on-pitch campaign for automatic World Cup qualification threatened to fall victim to further off-pitch farce last night as members of the Monastic Association Against Donkey Exploitation changed tactics last night to disrupt the match with an extended half-time protest liturgy. This new approach replaces MAADE's previous attempt to disrupt matches with a pre-match liturgy.

"I know this is getting tiresome" said a senior MAADE spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. "I know other nations are probably tired of reading arcane reports they fail to fully appreciate on subtle theological interpretations of the rights and wrongs - or, in our case, just the wrongs - of whether it is right to train a football team by chasing an innocent ass across a paddock, but the fact remains that we believe God's will - infinite, mysterious, and inscrutable though it remains - is not best served by chasing a donkey. And besides, it makes us look ridiculous."

Sources close to the team refused to comment on the MAADE campaign, beyond noting that the squad's dutiful participation in the protest liturgy seemed to disrupt the team's rhythm. A 2-0 half-time lead, driven by a goal each from the seemingly unstoppable forward pair of Fr. Silouan and Fr. Innocent, was soon overcome by second half goals from Turori players Lua Viiala and Amafaira. But for a remarkable performance from the ever-reliable Fr. Justinian in goal, the Eels might well have slipped out of the Archregimancy with a surprise win that seemed well-nigh impossible prior to the half-time events.

In other World Cup news, Monastic Football Association officials have confirmed the defection of former Errinundera international goalkeeper Br. David of the Woods to the Archregimancy. Unit 4 of SOfMoS has confirmed that the former 'genderqueer' is indeed a man, that his conversion is genuine and sincere, and that he will be spending his early days in the Arctic monastery of Solovetsky so that he may better acquaint himself with the rigours of the Orthodox monastic life. The MFA are believed to be seeking clearance from the WCC and the Errinunderan FA for Br. David to play in the Archregimancy's future World Cup campaigns, should the new novice be willing.

Alasdair I Frosticus

23-04-2007, 07:48

RP cutoff

And scores (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12572021&postcount=15)

Sorry for brevity - must dash. Have already stayed late at work to fit this in.

Az-cz

23-04-2007, 08:25

Amda-Mo: And Az-cz is knocked from the ranks of the undefeated with a disappointing loss to Oliverry, falling 2-1.

Lur-Mn: Mark Oliverry down with Bettia as teams we can't beat. That's now three chances at them with the best result a 2-2 draw. Factor in them sneaking past us for best record and they've definitely established themselves as a big rival of ours.

Amda-Mo: Coupled with the loss to Bettia where would you say the team is at right now?

Lur-Mn: Clearly both are disappointing results, but Bettia and Oliverry are both strong teams. Losing to them isn't a problem. Going undefeated is very difficult.

Amda-Mo: The Gnomes were held to a single goal today. What was the problem with the attack?

Lur-Mn: I'm not sure there was one. Just good defense and some missed chances. We almost found an equalizer late as the Oliverrian keeper just deflected Pizelkaxrovsky's free kick in the 85th. I think things are ok.

Amda-Mo: And no worries on the defensive end?

Lur-Mn: No I'm more concerned there. Allowing two to anybody isn't good. The defense is playing well enough for a team content just to make the cup, but for a team that hopes to compete for the title, which we are, then it just won't cut it.

Amda-Mo: So how do you improve the defense?

Lur-Mn: There's nothing to be done at this point. There's just a smattering of qualifiers left. And the talent is there. It's just playing to our potential. I don't blame the coaching staff. The responsibility for this has to lie with the players.

Amda-Mo: Up next is Junista. Thoughts?

Lur-Mn: This was where we started to recover last half of the cup and we hope to be able to do so again now. We certainly have the talent to get the full three and want to get back on top of the group so we'll be playing hard. And with Ropa-Topa chasing we can't afford any slip ups. So I'm going to go ahead and say the team gets it done.

Errinundera

23-04-2007, 12:01

Media releases from the Errinundera Football Association.

Errinundera 1 Haraki 2

Errinundera, ranked 15th in the world and with an enthusiastic support base, has once again been beaten by a crap side whose supporters couldn’t give a shit about their team’s progress. Our only goal was kicked by rosaniel.

This has just about screwed our chances of qualifying.

Team for the Match Day 12 Friendly against Cafundeu

Coach
withare (m, McKillops Bridge, 56)

Team
rosaniel (gq, Milosis, 37, striker, WC30, 31, 32 & 33, captain)
isshare (f, Bola Mine, 23, striker)
immelfar (m, Bemm River, 19, striker)
matthieug (f, Delegate, 29, midfielder, WC32 & 33, deputy vice-captain)
nykeo (f, Mount Ellery, 28, midfielder, WC33)
oluckais (m, Murrindal, 25, midfielder, WC33)
udhistirap (m, Forest Shining, 23, midfielder)
ragle (f, First Creek Falls, 30, defender, WC32 & 33, vice captain)
uiliod (m, Milosis, 27, defender, WC33)
evastatio (m, Gelantipy, 21, defender)
arata (m, Ootopia, 29, goalkeeper, WC33)

Substitutes
scerberu (f, Rodger River, 17, striker)
aptai (f, Ootopia, 19, midfielder)
haimaidu (f, First Creek Falls, 23, defender, WC33)
onito (f, McKillops Bridge, 20, goalkeeper)

We look forward to reading our opponent’s match report, something we haven’t experienced very often this qualifying series.

Archregimancy Transfer Granted

The Deddick Football Club and the Errinundera Football Association have approved the transfer of Brother David of the Woods, formerly known as owiavi, to the Archregimancy. In line with usual Errinundrian practice, no transfer fee is required. We wish him well in his future endeavours.

ermainegree

Tynelia-Tessan

23-04-2007, 13:13

Gina Gibbons: Hello everyone and welcome to Coach Chat, a regular feature of Tynelian News Network’s sports programming. Today its soccer time as we welcome back our regulars former Tynelian national coaches Adam Billington, Jim Tudor and Marcus O’Meara. Well it seems the team’s offense is feast or famine, after a pair of 5 goal outbursts Tynelia finds itself shutout twice in a row. Fortunately Rorysville couldn’t score either this match so we got a draw out of it. Why do you think this happens?

O’Meara: Ah that’s old school Tynelia out there today you know. Ah the good ol’ days of 0-0 draws, brings me back to my younger days when defense actually mattered.

Billington: This is odd, while the CH match isn’t much of a surprise as the Heights seem to have found their form after a so-so first half, the Rorysville match was a surprise.

Tudor: Sorry Adam, but this is something Marcus and I are much more experienced with than you are old chap. In our day at some point around the 7th or 8th match the team seems to go into a scoreless funk which usually destroys our chances of advancing. You and Jay managed to avoid that in your tenure but it seems to be back.

Gibbons: But Tynelia is still in first over Rorysville and Commerce Heights with those two facing off next match so I would think the team is still in good shape.

Tudor: Perhaps but consider we have one fewer match than either of them left even if they do play each other next.

Billington: Yes, if they draw it’s a three way tie at 17 points. The good news is that we have a better goal differential than Rorysville right now. But its still possible that even if we win out we may not advance directly. And if we don’t win out there’s still a good chance we don’t even finish in the top three. Yafor 2 and West Pasco aren’t out of it yet don’t forget even if they play each other next, one of them will be right on our heels unless they draw too.

O’Meara: <loudly> Yes indeedy draws are the best kind of matches, when defenses step up and offenses go home. We even held Bettia to two goals once, yes we did.

Gibbons: So what can be done now? The team seems like its back to its early scoring trouble, how can they fix it? Last time they made some lineup changes, will more be needed?

Tudor: I think another set of changes would be a sign of panic. Even with these two shutouts we’re averaging over 2 goals the last four matches. It should take care of itself.

Billington: I agree, you can’t go around changing things every couple of matches, it destroys a team’s organization and comfort level if you do too much.

O’Meara: Bench the whole team I say, if they can’t score sit them and find someone else who can. That’ll teach them a lesson. I didn’t get to be 73 years old worrying about if people were upset they’d get benched or worrying about “chemistry”. Put up or sit down, that’s how it was back in my day!

Gibbons: So how do you see things working out in these final three matches?

Billington: Well we’re off now but if we win our last two we should be in the top three at the end. East Lithuania is a revenge match for us as well.

Tudor: It will go to the final match day. This group is still too tight, five teams are still alive and four of them are facing each other this next matchday. Perhaps that will clear things up a bit.

O’Meara: <loudly> We’ll finish second, because we always finish where we’re seeded at, look at the records, its all there!

Gibbons: OK then, that’s all the time we have for today coaches. As always thanks for joining us on Coach Chat. The three of you are helping to make this program one of our highest rated segments on TNN so the producers are hoping the team goes a long way for more good ratings. Thanks again Coaches.

Billington and Tudor: Anytime.

O’Meara: <loudly> Ratings? They don’t mean anything a number 200 can beat a #1 these days, not like in my day when your seed was where you finished I tell you. None of these teams no one’s heard of making it while the real teams go home! No sirree.

<camera cuts back to the anchorman>

Jeruselem

23-04-2007, 13:19

Dazza in the dressing room:
"Alright, you lot! What happened out there? Losing when we should have won. Come on, we maybe missing Monique Alexander, but that's no excuse! You looked tired, lethargic and well, useless! We can't afford to lose games like this. We are Jeruselem, not some 2nd rate team. Any excuses, come on - bring them out! I want to hear it now."

Rashina sneezes:
"Err, sorry coach. Just a flu ...".

Dazza looks puzzled
"That explains the tissue issue and the cost overruns on cold medicine. OK, I suppose most of you had the flu. Who's responsible then? Who's the one starting it?"

Kate Bush: "Sorry Dazza ..."
Dazza: "You?"
Kate Bush: "Yes, me ... it's all my fault. Don't blame the team." (sobs)
Dazza: "OK, everyone! Get to sleep and sleep of that flu."

<The team drag themselves off>

Kate Bush:
"Sorry Dazza. How do I make it up to you? Oh, how come you didn't catch the flu?" (sobs)

Dazza:
"Oh that, I caught it a month ago from my kids. OK, you coach the next game! All by yourself. No wonder the team were not performing in training with a flu. I'm going sit, around watching in bikini doing squat. Is that OK? Not that you have a choice."

Kate Bush:
"Well, yes. I'll do my best. I'll make sure they perform. I'm believe I did that. You can sit around and rest, with that child."

Dazza:
"We didn't look good with only Dazza Deux doing anything. She was running around trying to inspire the team but no support. The team should be over the flu by next game."

Kate Bush: "Oh dear ... "
Dazza: "Right, I have to the FOOTBALL LIFE by myself since Dinkie isn't look well. Just clean and go to sleep. Drink lots of Vitamin C"

Kate Bush: "OK" (wanders off)
Dazza: (sits down) Oh dear me.
Deux: "Coach!"
Dazza: "Hi there Dazza"

Deux: "Cheer up! I have something for you. A nice video. You'll love it!"
Dazza: "Look, it's bunch of naked men chasing a donkey."
Deux: "It gets worse"
Dazza: "That's digusting! What a bunch of ... ew!"

Deux: "This came from overseas, somewhere"
Dazza: "Isn't that the people from NAMDLA"
Deux: "North American Men Donkey Loving Association?"
Dazza "That's them, they should be shot!"

Deux: "Feel better now?"
Dazza: "Yes, there's bigger losers out there. Oi, you want to do the double act on THE FOOTBALL LIFE since everyone else is sick."
Deux: "Why not? What to wear?"
Dazza: "Bikinis!"

Deux: "Let's do it!"

<Later>

The two Dazzas in bikinis ...

Dazza: "I'm Dazza Dallas."
Deux: "I'm Dazza Deux, and this is THE FOOTBALL LIFE"

...

Wentland

23-04-2007, 14:59

The team trudged off to boos. A draw with Errinunderunderera was bad enough, but not managing to score against Netherwallop? A shocking defensive display as Hacker thought that even a muppet could score against the Wallopian Tubes.

There was something missing. Keith Bassett was the one who voiced it in the dressing room in his inimitable style. "Where are the bloody bitches?"

"They should be back soon," commented Vic Guthrie. "They're in the last eight, so three more matches at most, then they can join us for the last few games."

"There's a problem with that, Neanderthals," remarked Joe Weston. "It's a group phase, so they have a few more matches to go."

"A group phase? Whose bloody stupid idea was that?"

"More games means more fans means more money...MON-EY..."

"We won't have any of that talk here," retorted Hacker. "All for one."

"Maybe we can fly them out or something? Get them to one of our games? I think we could do with the, er, workout."

"Leave it to me," suggested Hacker. "There may be something we can do."

"Ahh...you fancy Edwina, boss!"

"Don't be stupid. I'm a happily married man. Well, I would be if Mrs H didn't keep asking me about that ten inch thing we sent to the Reg. The woman is insatiable."

Schiavonia

23-04-2007, 15:33

"Davey!"

"Alright, Xav!"

Rickshaw driver Xavier had built up a special relationship with David Jones during the young footballer's time in Schiavonia. Indeed, he'd almost become Jones's personal driver, the amount of time they spent going around together.

"How are we today?"

"OK, I guess."

"You still haven't lost game since you got here!"

"I know, but we're not doing too good."

"Ah, now come on."

"But Xav, we drew a game. A draw! I didn't think that these guys knew anything but winning."

"But, you know, you can't win them all. Drawing's the next best thing!"

"I suppose you're right. Then there's the last game against the J-Men. We only beat them 2-1."

"But you beat them, right?"

"Right."

"So... where's the problem in that?"

"Well... we just don't seem to be the same amazing team we have been."

"I suppose..."

"Look, football's just like life. You can't be doing great all the time. You just have to do the best you can with everything and move on."

"But... yeah. Yeah, I suppose it is. And to do better in life, we have to do better at football!"

"That's not quite what I meant, but..."

"I know. But it just fits in with a few things that have been happening. Dreams and such like."

"Oh. OK."

[NS:]The HURD

23-04-2007, 17:05

GNUbaya!

Perfection is not a state you desire to reach. Imagine it. The perfect program has no bugs, no features can be added or removed and no vulnerabilities can be fixed. What would its developpers do? For them, nothing can be done, no support is needed and it means they need to move on and find another project. The lack of intes means that the developpers will be forgotten and unmentioned most of the time. Does this sound like a dystopia for you? For me and for all (2) HURDists, I showed this draft, it does. Therefore let us accept that perfection is only worth struggling for and not worth eaching. In the light of that, the 2:3 loss against Sel Appa sounds maybe a bit less bad. Not that I want to excuse something... We missed Lynx. Dillo surely is no replacement for the tiny and determined robot. Even though he should be a great goalie seeing he is a Schneier class the programming is still buggy enough to spend years on it until it is almost perfect. But that is what we want, isn't it?

Assegai Developments

23-04-2007, 18:06

“This is Mikaela Eyre reporting live from Assegai Developments. The nature of this message is not to inform on the results of the national football team; that information is readily available online. No, this message is to study the effects of Assegai’s enforced code of silence after the catastrophe against American Fist, a group of nobodies whose defeat of Assegai was taken like a slap to the face by everyone affiliated with the team.

"It turns out that going top secret has actually helped the team as illustrated by the victory over Kericia. In fact, they will continue to enforce this code of silence throughout the rest of qualifying, with the hopes of increasing their chances of winning, since it’s worked so well for the other teams in the group. So, I bid thee a fond farewell. This is our last transmission from the Assegai Sports Network, which is shutting down indefinitely. It has been an honor to serve you. This is Mikaela Eyre signing off.”

Ariddia

23-04-2007, 18:10

ESAT prepares for historic match

Although Ariddia is not participating in the qualifying stages of the World Cup, the country -and especially the city of Rêvane- are preparing for a match between their minuscule neighbour ESAT (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/ESAT) and a team of kleptochasers-turned-amateur-footballers from Az-cz.

The match will take place at Darras Olympic Stadium (Rêvane), outside ESAT itself (obviously), and will be the Extraterritorial Sovereign Ariddian Territory's first against a team from outside the Uhuhland region.

"We're quite excited," Desmond White, both coach and captain of the Esati "Black'n'Red Wasps" national team (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/ESAT_national_football_team), said. "This is a big day for us."

While the Ariddians are preparing to make the players from Az-cz feel welcome, Mr. White has been putting together his team.

Both Annabel Mild (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Annabel_Mild) and Kim Min-Sun (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Kim_Min-Sun) are expected to be among the starting eleven... alongside much older players who may be more than fifty years in age.

The country's 57 year-old head of State, Secretary Christelle Zyryanov (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Christelle_Zyryanov), will not be part of the team, but will appear on the field briefly for the official kick-off. It is also possible that Ms. Zyryanov's 32 year-old husband Christopher Rorth and 29 year-old son Colin Blanchard, who have Esati nationality (but not citizenship) by marriage and by descent respectively, will be included on the team. Neither of them has ever played much football.

"I don't know whether we'll win," Mr. Desmond White said, "but this should be a great moment of friendship, fun and football for all involved."

Ariddian players gain international experience

With the Rouge-et-Noirs not currently busied with international matches, thirteen of the team's male players have been snapped up by clubs in St Samuel, and are off to join their new teams. They range from 35 year-old Masashi Hasebe, for whom World Cup 34 will be the last cup before retirement, to 22 year-old Asul E'i, an Indigenous Ariddian whose career is about to begin.

Traditionally, most Rouge-et-Noirs have accepted opportunities to work abroad. Some have got married in the country of their club - such as Tadjou Sheyi Senaya (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Tadjou_Sheyi_Senaya), who met his wife Sele Nenj while playing for Kalisimu Kaletri in Rejistania, or the famed Xavier Xu (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Xavier_Xu), who met and married Teresa Costa while playing for Dunboor FC in Cafundéu.

Now, only the ladies among the Rouge-et-Noirs - and fa'afafine goalkeeper Sio Epa, who is biologically male - still remain available for transfer to foreign clubs. Sa Ley, Ann Cove, Raphaëlle du Valdor and Heather Rodriguez still play in Ariddian clubs (Club Espérence, Cité-Belle Centre FC, Cité-Belle Centre FC and Vilanglois FC respectively), while Ewa Shwuo and "Princess" Cassie Lee (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Cassie_Lee) are the only Ariddians not to play for any club at all.

Acapais

23-04-2007, 19:31

Acapais Football Network

"Hello and welcome back to today's program. We are here today with the manager of the Acapais National Football Team, Anil Keswani. Anil we were told your job was in danger after three draws in the first three games, but since the 1-0 win over Rejistania on match day seven, you have won three drawn one and lost none. Very nice."

"Yes I was brought to the board and they told me if conditions don't improve I could be out on the streets. Fortunately we have turned the tides and are on course for qualification. The win over Kingsford was huge for us, but we have to remain focused. With three games left, two points from Rejistania and three points from Bostopia, anything can happen."

"That’s right Bostopia has only taken two points from three match days and it helped Acapais immensely, but the remainder of Bostopia's matches are relatively easy and Acapais remaining fixtures are tough. Away to Nerotika and then home to Milchama and Rejistania, who are in 1st and 2nd place respectively, are the last three Acapais Matches. Two wins and a draw would secure at least third place, the play-off spot for Acapais. Group 10 is one of the most exciting groups in this year's Word Cup Qualifying and I cannot wait for tomorrow’s results. Anil, do you have anything to add?"

"Yes, actually because Jose was shown the red card and ejected after Acapais second goal against Kingsford, he will be suspended for the match against Nerotika. I will be starting Deshawn Jones at forward for that game. The usual starters are also on the list. Van Savage and Salazar of course… umm... Duke, Dickenson, Murphy, Nandy, and the McKellar's are also starting Tuesday."

"Thanks Mr. Keswani I look forward to watching the next few matches on the tube. We will take a break when we come back we go over so domestic football. Gold Division highlights are next on AFN."

-----------------------------------------------
Acapais RP Threads
Roster Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12478731&postcount=9)
Acapais PreWC Press Conference (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12491022&postcount=23)
Acapais v Sel Appa Friendly (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12492699&postcount=26)
WCQ Draw (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12535022&postcount=19)
MD2 pre-game (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12541262&postcount=56)
Bostopia - MD2 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12543949&postcount=84)
Sativaville - MD3 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12547865&postcount=118)
Kingsford - MD4 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12550431&postcount=139)
Nerotika - MD5 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12554560&postcount=167)
BYE - MD8 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12564963&postcount=240)
Kingsford – MD11

Turruth Gordur

23-04-2007, 19:43

From the desk of Gorgol "The Butcher" Harad

I love the smell of napalm in the morning. And, like napalm scorches the treetops, Turruth Gordur has left a blistering mess of those opponents that would underestimate the power and brutality of our brand of football. We will continue to be unrelenting. We will continue to make pain a familiar subject in the other teams’ dressing rooms. We will continue to ravage their minds and souls. I don’t know if the NationStates World Cup community is prepared for Turruth Gordur supporters at their premiere tournament. They’d better hope that someone finds a way to stop us. A trip to Holweg is next. We shall make quick work of these whelps. But first, we shall stop by Turori to gaze at that magnificent creature—the massive penguin.

Upcoming Match

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/holweg.png Holweg VS Turruth Gordur http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/turruth_gordur.png

Qazox

23-04-2007, 20:39

QSPNFootball.com Match Report

QAZOX 1-Zwangzug 2

Slim hopes

A complete shame as Qazox blew a 1-0 lead late against Zwangzug, and with only 2 matches left, find themselves on the outside looking in not only for the World Cup berths, but for the playoff ones as well.

A bye date is next, which does us little good, as the teams in front of us will play and possibly by this time tommorrow, we'll be eliminated.

I guess bringing back a bunch of 30-somethings wasn't such a good idea.

Scoring Summary:
QAZOX: Sarafin (15)- 19'
ZWNG: Phillip Stings- 71', 82'

Swilatia

23-04-2007, 21:23

Gazeta Swilajska
English Version
After the first half of the qualification round had passed, everyone was thinking Swilatia had a good chance of qualifying this time. However, this seems to be too good to be true. We had a good record at first, but now it's falling down, as we lost to SS Oaklands. Many Swilatian football fans are taking a moment of silence, as this is truly a terrible event.

After all, SS Oklands have a team of nobodies, a team we expected to get six points from. We won last time, but now travelling to their nation, we lost. We didn't score any goals in the first half, and neither did they, so it looked like it would be a 0-0 draw. But no. That was to match. They slammed us with 2 goals in the second half. 13 minutes was not enough to get back at them. The rest is history.

And as if the match result was not bad enough, it has a chilling effect on our qualification campaign. It prevented us from taking advantage of Errinundera's loss to Haraki, a result that probably shocked them. We can only hope that we don't see another upset tommorow, as that could lock us out of the qualifying spots, and maybe even the play-off. However, the loss could have been an action by our own team to "save themselves from going to Ariddia".

Swilatia goals - none.
SS Oklands goals - Anonymous 62, Anonymous 77

Zwangzug

23-04-2007, 21:24

Wherever one was, it was nice to catch some Zs.

Lazily, Yul woke from his doze and clambered out of bed late in the morning. Phillip had long since left.

The pregame practice was simple, and not very tiring. But Yul still felt exhausted, not fired up with as much zeal as usual. Instead, he zoned out, not advancing very far into the Qazox zone.

Sarafin netted an early goal on an exquisite pass from Hotep, which was adequate for the first half. Indeed, as the second half began, it appeared as if it might end 1-0.

But Yul finally got the ball, and passed it to Phillip. Charged with an energetic buzz, he kicked it square on, and it zoomed past Hinger. Not long after, Steven passed to Phillip as well, who scored again. Zwangzug acquired the lead, and didn't let go.

Merano Regency newsroom

"We're supposed to write about some sporting competition today, aren't we?"

"Oh yes, very exciting one. Unpredictable game involving rarely-used consonants on both sides."

The Descriptive English Scrabble tournament ended yesterday...

Bostopia

23-04-2007, 22:43

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/bostopia.png The Daily Mail http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/bostopia.png

A Happy St.George’s Day to All Our Readers

Milchama - Bostopia yesterday capitalised on their recent run of draws by drawing against the second-best ranked team in the Group. Milchama, ranked 34 places against Bostopia, obviously had problems finding their finishing touch, as Bostopia were, as expected, outplayed in the first half, but the game should have been long since decided by then.

An opening goal in the 9th minute was enough to send the home fans into raptures, while many of the opposite supporters were expecting a drubbing. However, by some miracle, it never came. The Bostopian side, though out-passed, and at times, looking out-numbered, relied totally on goalkeeper Peter Jeffers, who, approaching his 10th birthday, played spectacular, at times looking like he was the only player on the park in the Bostopian kit. This came true just after the whistle for half time was blown, when he was actually the only player left on the pitch for Bostopia, though it may as well have been like that for the whole 47 minutes of the first half.

At half time, Adam Collick must have given the team some mesmerising words, as the squad suddenly looked like they were playing with a new passion, and the furious singing of the fans of the Song for the Bostopian Patriot, our beloved anthem, must have given them the same buzz that cannon fire did for our soldiers going into battle in years past.

The Bostopians now found it was they who had the competitive edge over the Milchamians, pressing the team for the remaining 90 minutes, breaking through in the 67th via a 30 yard equaliser from Stuart Flambriff, a stunning drive into the bottom-left corner of the net. The only way the keeper would have saved it is if he had been in the exact position where the ball went in, and had the nerve to stay stood infront of such an awe-inspiring shot.

For the final 25 minutes of the game, the Bostopians attempted to press their advantage, but a few skewed shots lessened their rapidly-diminishing hopes of qualifying automatically.

Qualification - How It Looks For the Fighting Geesemonkies

It’s looking tight for Bostopia. They are three points behind Acapais the playoffs, and five points behind Rejistania in second, and the second automatic qualification spot. A loss against Rejistania would expand that gap to 8 points, with only two games remaining. If Acapais were to win that game, the gap would be up to 6 points, with Bostopia having two games left. Bostopia would then have to rely on Milchama and Rejistania to beat Acapais in the final two games, while Bostopia would have to beat Nerotika and Kingsford.

Bostopia can still claim second, but only if they beat Rejistania, who then lose and draw with Sativaville and Acapais.

The perfect scenario would be this –

MD12 Bostopia beat Rejistania, leaving Bostopia on 16 points, with Rejistania on 18. Acapais are then likely to beat Nerotika, leaving them on 19 points.

MD13 Bostopia beat Nerotika, leaving Bostopia on 19 points. Rejistania then draw with Sativaville, leaving them on 19. Acapais then lose to Milchama, leaving them on 19 points.

MD14 Second, third and fourth are now all on 19 points going into the final day. The perfect scenario is for Rejistania and Acapais to draw, leaving them on 20 points. However, with Bostopia beating Kingsford, this would put Bostopia on 22 points, and into second place, meaning Rejistania or Acapais would be out of the World Cup on goal difference.

Of course, should Rejistania or Acapais win the match, and Bostopia at least draw with Kingsford, then Bostopia will be in the playoffs, while the victor of Acapais -v- Rejistania advances to the World Cup automatically.

St Samuel

24-04-2007, 00:33

St Samuel manager, Louis Della Penzzi today conceeded defeat after St Samuel's loss to group leaders Demot. The defeat ends St Samuel's Worl Cup dream which began so promisingly. Despite losing 7-0 Della Penzzi told reporters how proud he has been of his players and that he couldn't have asked for more throughout the qualifiers. When asked to singal out a player that had done the best, the manager declined, saying he was proud of the whole squad.

Young star, Leo Sensini, who missed the Demot game through injury, told reporters how gutted he was at St Samuel going out and said that he had a real belief that they would qualify for the World Cup first time round. He said that he did not think Fmjphoenix were good enough to go through and that St Samuel should have beaten them and that the defeat to Ulzaxid had been the final blow. With regards to the Demot result he said that it was pure embarrasment and that he felt sick.

But the feelings of fans back home is one of national pride and joy that there national side showed the world just how good St Samuel football is. One crazy fan sporting tatoo's of the whole St Samuel squad said that he had spent over £10,000 pounds on fares and tickets following the team and that every penny had been worth it after seeing his side play fantasticaly.

St Samuel still have 2 games left and can only qualify if they were to win both games by large scorelines and Cafundeu lose there remaining two games.

Kiryu-shi

24-04-2007, 01:27

Kiryu-shi Shuts Out Lovisa, Stays in Hunt For Third Place

By Michio Hibbert

Sakaino, Kiryu-shi The Kiryu-shi Dragons won for the third strait week as they took on Lovisa at home. The first time they played Lovisa, the game ended in a one-one tie, but this time, the Dragons looked to take all three points from the fifth seeded team. Kiryu-shi desperately needs all the points that they can get if they want to take third place to be able to play for an opportunity to go to the World Cup. This was their third to last game, and if they lost, they would have been basically officially knocked out. Playing with a sense of desperation, the Dragons managed to shut out their opponents while providing enough offense, to give them an easy two-nil victory in front of a roaring home crowd.

____The Kiryu-shi strategy was obvious from the beginning, they wanted to keep the defense as tight as possible and to try to wait for their opponents to make a mistake on defense. However, Lovisa is a sound squad, and they were very solid early on. Playing from a 4-4-2 formation, Lovisa passed the ball around midfield efficiently and effectively, keeping possession away from the Dragons. Lovisa almost scored the first goal of the game, when it appeared that Mariusz Franke was on a breakaway from a pass from Piotr Corey. He looped a shot over a charging Jon Crow, and the ball went into the net, but the side judge had his flag raised, signaling offsides. Although Franke argued the call a little bit, replays showed that it was clearly the correct call. Kiryu-shi managed to poke a hole in the Lovisa defense at the very end of the first half, when Bob Moya cleared an incoming cross to Helen Gandy in the middle of the pitch. Gandy broke past young defender Sebastian Vilgoor and raced down the field, leading a quick attack. She passed the ball up the left side to Giancario Diamanti who returned a low diagonal cross to the front of the net. The defenders raced towards Garret McGee, and the keeper readied for a shot, but McGee simply let pass between his legs, and the ball kept on rolling just inside the far goal post for a stunning goal for Diamanti in the 43rd minute. The half ended soon after, with the Kiryu-shi fans roaring their approval for their team.

____Lovisa was more aggressive to start the second half, trying to draw the score even. Kiryu-shi defenders were really pressured, but they didn’t give up any goals, as Iverson helped out on the defensive line, and Isaac Levi and Sidney Hendrickson remained defense oriented. Diamanti, Gandy, Mayberry and McGee, however, took turns making runs and applying some pressure on the Lovisa midfield and defense. The tactic succeeded in the 78th minute, when Mayberry stole the ball from Andrzej Górka and brought the ball down the right wing. He passed the ball back to Gandy, who found McGee in front of the net, and he rocketed the ball past keeper Fritjof Sievers to double Kiryu-shi’s lead. Kiryu-shi played the rest of the match the same way, keeping Lovisa attackers away from the net, and they finished the game 2-0.

____Although the win kept them in the hunt to advance in group three, they still have a long way to go. They have two games left, one against the impressive Northern Caesarea squad, and then the final qualifying game against the dangerous Estresse Intenso team. Quakmybush sits in third place, with one more win and one less loss than Kiryu-shi. In order for the Dragons to finish with more points than the second seeded team, Quakmybush would have to lose twice or lose and tie against Lovisa and Northern Caesarea. With Bettia and N.C. both with three matches left, it is basically impossible for Kiryu-shi to get second place, barring an incredible collapse of the top ranked teams. But, first and foremost, Kiryu-shi must focus on winning their next two matches, and to try to score as many goals as possible in case of a tiebreaker scenario. Even if they don’t make it, they will have played an admirable debut World Cup qualifying round in the eyes of most of their fans, as they’ve all but guaranteed a finish in the top four.

Jeruselem

24-04-2007, 01:50

<At Jeruselem training, Dazza Dallas is sitting under a large umbrella in bikini playing with laptop while Kate Bush is doing all the work>

Reporter: Hi Dazza, err why aren't you working?
Dazza: Oh, Kate Bush gave the flu to the entire team before the game against Oglethorpia so she's making it up by coaching the team for next game.
Reporter: And you're doing nothing?
Dazza: That's it!

Reporter: It is OK for an interview now?
Dazza: Sure!
Reporter: We just found out the team were affected by the flu last game, why weren't they immunised?
Dazza: They were, but Kate caught a different flu to the one we were immunised against

Reporter: So we couldn't do anything about it.
Dazza: That's it. It happens.
Reporter: Are the team over the flu yet?
Dazza: No, Dinkie is here because she's pretty sick. A few players are feeling a little green still but by the next game we should be alright.

Reporter: What's the news on Monique Alexander?
Dazza: She's pretty much out for a while. Can't rush fixing a knee like that.
Reporter: How the team physio, the one who got injured in a car crash?
Dazza: Pretty messed up, I don't think he'll be back at work for a while too

Reporter: Some people are calling for new management team, how do you respond?
Dazza: Well, send in a new coach and assistant who can do the job, if they can find anyone. These people sending in any names or candidates?
Reporter: No, they just want a change.
Dazza: Well, they can just put up with me until they find a good replacement then? Otherwise, they can shove those opinions where the sun don't shine.

Reporter: Thanks for your time.
Dazza: Like I have nothing else to do. (giggles) These critics, they give their names?
Reporter: No actually
Dazza: There you have it then!

Cafundeu

24-04-2007, 02:46

O JUTENSE NEWSPAPER – ASSOCIATED WITH GLOBO MULTIMEDIA

WORLD CUP 34 QUALIFIERS COVERAGE
Match Report written by O Jutense editor, Milene Escobar
With phrases and images from Globo Multimedia’s coverage, commented by Breno Gavião

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DECISIVE WIN AGAINST ELIMINATED TEAM

http://img90.imageshack.us/img90/2351/cafmva1ts6.jpg
The beautiful city of Lasft, located on the seaside, was the host city

In the third position in the group standings, and without big difficulties to maintain that position, Cafundéu played against Magnus Valerius looking for the second position in the tables before its rest day. As the team was going to play an eliminated team, with bad form, the supporters were looking for an easy game, with many goals. Although the game wasn’t difficult, Cafundéu wasn’t able to score many goals and even had difficulties in the first minutes of the game.

But in the end, after suffering a goal in the first minutes, Cafundéu defeated Magnus Valerius and got the second position in the group table. The team will go now to Elville, to play a friendly against Errinundera. After that, the team is going to play against Atheistic Right, a dangerous team that can give work to the Monopolists. One victory can be important for the team’s qualification.

THE GAME
Cafundéu didn’t have time to touch in the ball before the first goal. Magnus Valerius took the kickoff and, more for the defenders’ lack of attention than for tactical quality, attacked well using the left wing. A midfielder invaded the area and was fouled by Léo Mattos, in the fifth second of the game. Léo Mattos was sent off. Still in the first second of the game, the penalty taker of Magnus Valerius shot and scored the goal. Read Breno Gavião’s comments:

“And the game starrrrrts. Herrrrre in Lasft, Cafundéu against Magnus Valerrrrrius. The visitors attack, the player invades the arrrrrea... and it’s a penalty! Penalty for Magnus Valerrrrrius! And rrrrred card to Léo Mattos, in the fifth second of the game! The taker shoots... and it’s a goal! Goal for Magnus Valerrrrrius! One for them, nothing for Cafundéu!”

The hosts took some minutes to recover from the shock of suffering a goal and losing a player before the end of the first minute, but soon started to show good attacks. In one of them, Heitor invaded the area and shot, but the goalkeeper made a fine save. Later, Falcus made an excellent pass to Ijak, who dribbled an opponent, invaded the area and shot with accuracy to score his first goal in the game.

After scoring the goal, Cafundéu seemed much more relaxed in the game, and started to make better passes and created better plays. Magnus Valerius tried to reply, but Becão appeared well in the defense to stop their plays. Later, the same Becão made a long ranged pass to the attack. Ijak took the ball, dribbled an opponent defender and shot to the goal, giving no chances to the goalkeeper and taking the advantage. Read Breno Gavião:

“Cafundéu is playing verrrrry well and crrrrreating good chances. Now Becão is with the ball in the defense... excellent pass to the attack, is with Ijak, he faces the defender... drrrrribbles, shoots... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Bring me the replay! Ijak, number nine! Cafundéu two, Magnus Valerrrrrius zero! Nação Bank, the best place to put your money... in our pockets!”

http://img401.imageshack.us/img401/9579/cafmva3jr9.jpg
Magnus Valerius didn’t have many attack chances

Winning the game, the coach David Nefasto decided to put a bit more defensive team in the second half, but with no extreme changes. Just Kimball in Heitor’s place. With that, the team could continue creating plays to Ganz Ijak, who was playing very well. Soon the first chance happened. Falcus passed the ball to Kliek, who passed the ball to the striker. Ijak lost control of the ball and sent it over the bar. Read Breno Gavião:

“We still didn’t rrrrreach the tenth minute of the first half, two against one! Cafundéu comes with Falcus, who passes the ball to Kliek. The crrrrreative midfielder passes the ball to Ijak... look at the goal.... No! Over the bar! What a missed chance by Ijak! Looking for carnival costumes, or costumes for the halloween? Fantasia Costumes, the place with the most variety of costumes!”

Cafundéu had another good chance, this time with Anormal. Kliek took a corner kick and the giant defensive midfielder headed the ball. It hit the bar and returned to him, who shot it. The defender saved over the line and Anormal took it for a last time, but then he shot and sent the ball wide. Magnus Valerius tried to counterattack, but Priotto intercepted the ball. Read Breno Gavião:

“Corrrrrner kick to Cafundéu! Once again, it’s Kliek who will take it. He crrrrrosses the ball... Anorrrrrmal! In the bar! Anorrrrrrmal again! The defender does a mirrrrrracle! Now Anorrrrrrmal has to scorrrrre... just wide! Incrrrrredible chance missed by Anorrrrrmal! Cafundéu needs to be cautious, as the team that doesn’t score, suffers.”

But the last minutes of the game were very calm for both teams. Cafundéu retreated to avoid counterattacks, and Magnus Valerius really didn’t see a chance to score the goal, as the draw would still be a bad result for it. The referee whistled the end of the game after two minutes of extra time, and the host team could relax after conquering a good victory.

AFTER THE GAME
The result was expected, but some supporters were expecting a better score. About that, Nefasto only commented: “We won, I can’t ask for more than this. It’s difficult to start the game with ten players and losing the game, so we could react well. I think that Léo Mattos’s red card may be the fastest of the World Cup qualifiers until now, and this isn’t exactly a good thing.” The right-back said: “I didn’t want to foul him, but happened.”

The attacker Ganz Ijak was extremely happy after the good game: “Why am I happy? Because of the victory. The goals? They’re only part of that. I will do the possible to help the team to get the necessary points to qualify and to have a good campaign in the World Cup. The midfielder Falcus said: “The result was close, but we had the best chances and deserved the victory.”

The president of the CCFM, Samuel Makas, confirmed that the game against Errinundera will be in Elville because the opponents wouldn’t feel themselves well playing in polluted cities like Cafundó do Juta or even Lasft. He also said that they can feel at home, as the rural population of the place is very friendly and linked with the nature.

http://img404.imageshack.us/img404/888/cafmva2qh8.jpg
Ijak leaves the field after a good game

CAFUNDÉU 2x1 MAGNUS VALERIUS

Place: Obelisco Monumental, in Lasft.
Attendance: 120,000 people.
Referee: Safira Marca (Bettia).
MOTM: Ganz Ijak (Cafundéu).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Durepox, Léo Mattos, Kirs (Namarra 75’), Becão and Sávio Ferrari; Anormal, Priotto, Falcus and Kliek; Heitor (Kimball 45’) and Ijak.
Coach: David Nefasto.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/magnus_valerius.png MAGNUS VALERIUS: no team released.

Goals:CAF: Ijak 28’/31’.
MAV: Penalty taker 0’.

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Cafundéu – formation for friendly against Errinundera: Júnior, Léo Mattos, Zé Carlos, Namarra and Alemão; Anormal, Barbosa, Dário and Kliek; Heitor and Ijak.
Coach: David Nefasto
Style of +2

Match’s Referee: Van-Der-Lei (Cafundéu).

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Goalscorers after 10 Rounds:

10- G. Ijak
6- Heitor
4- Anormal
3- Becão
2- R. Kliek, Renário and Dário
1- R. Kirs, C. Falcus and M. Priotto

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PAI DINAH SAYS

4th PART OF THE PREDICTIONS OF THE SPIRITUAL MEDIUM FROM CAFUNDÉU

About... GROUP 2:

“I’m in some kind of church or temple. I like this. There is a monk in the centre of it. There’s a strange aura surrounding him. He looks calm, but there is a lot of noise near him. It comes from the other competitors, all battling for a place in heaven, which is located above the church. One of them is a brutal warrior, but he has difficulties as a man does everything to stop him, using dirty tricks and cheating. Between them is a person that is looking to get his place while the others are battling each other.”

About... GROUP 7:

“Everybody is walking on the stairs, trying to reach something. A group of man with the same clothes are in first, saying “Finally we’re the first, the position that we deserved!” Behind him, three competitors, very worried about their position. One of them is a man sit on a computer, making some tests in a software. And, trying to be better placed, is a big ox. It’s having difficulties, but is slowly reaching the opponents.”

Sel Appa

24-04-2007, 03:13

Turtles slide to top of the Group!

With a 3-2 win over the HURD, combined with a stunning Jeruselem loss to some newbie nation, Sel Appa now leads the group and may continue to. A bye day is scheduled for the next matchday, and then a visit to Raging Penguins, and finishing off with Schorisalami visiting. Both remaining matches should be easy for the Turtles. Two wins for Sel Appa and no more than two wins (of three matches) for Jeruselem will keep Sel Appa on top. This would prove a very interesting prospect and would continue to increase credibility for Sel Appa, which has seen skepticism from many older nations.

Sel Appa has a 6-3-2 record so far and a +8 goal difference that certainly helps a lot. Overall since they first tried for the 30th World Cup, they have scored 173 goals and conceded 175. Soon, this -2 goal difference will be overcome. A 36-19-40 record sees the Turtles catching up to past losses. Hopefully, the World Cup proper will eliminatee this minority of wins, assuming Sel Appa qualifies, which is quite likely. The team has strong morale and is confident on their qualification. Coach Charles DuPont is in his own little optimistic world...

Elves Security Forces

24-04-2007, 06:48

Elven Times
Into Prominence

It has been a desperately long and hard struggle for the country. For twenty-four years the nation has been waiting and hoping for it to occur. For twenty-four years the squad has been watched as they have just been nipped in the bud for that chance. Now, at long last, the squad has reach fruition, to be amongst the best and the brightest that the World has to offer. Now they have the right to be called a powerhouse. An injury time goal, coming off the most unlikely of people, Javier Jaques, has clinched the spot in the Proper for the second straight tournament for the elves, and now the many hopes and dreams of the nation have been made to fufillment. With their place now established as one of the footballing elite in the entire world, dare the elves, and even myself, dream of something more. Could we in fact be closer to achieving the ultimate glory, that of chance to play in or even win a World Cup final. Given how well the supossedly less talented Az-cz and Demot squads did in the Finals last tournament, nothing I guess is out of reach. Needing but just a single point in their remaining two games to secure the top spot in the group, the Marauders may very well get a good draw, as they could be considered for a one or two seed.

Before we can even fathom the good fortunes we might have come time for the group stage in the Proper, we need to review what got us there in the first place. Traveling in the Atlantia Oceania, the squad was looking to send a statement to the group, by attempting to topple the tops seeds of Geisenfried. For the better part of the first seventy minutes of the game, the play was absolutely brutally boring, stuck in the midfield with no strikers getting a sniff of a chance at goal. That all seemed to change when an exaughsted Kyla Night came off, and the speedy striker of Rikard came in. With fresh legs and the high energy Nikali constantly gives club and country, the tide turned, and Rikard broke the dam with a breath taking run and an even more perfect strike. Jannian would soon find a streaking Raynor who deflected Jere's shot in the six yard box, clear between the legs of one defender and off the keepers hands into the netting. With the win secure, the squad then looked ahead to the Dust match, and the chance to be one of the first teams to clinch a spot in the Proper.

However, Quintessence would come out swinging, and nearly took the lead in the sixth minute when a strike from a set piece went off the head of one of the forward defenders, and off the crossbar and onto the foot of Florez for the clearance. Having survived the scare in the first twenty minutes, the Marauder began to take the game to the Dust side, and began to create some solid offensive chances. The ever growing popular name of Kiso Night would capitalize in the twenty-seventh minute. Following up some fine passing work by the middies to get the defence streched, Jannian made the high cross into the area, and Kiso was ready and beat the keeper with the time of his jump, and was just able to direct it enough to get it to go high on the far post. Dust would have an answer before the half, as the converted a great inswinger from a corner, that the striker volleyed near perfectly into the netting.

The solid play this tournament of Justinian Constant continued, as the seasoned midfielder made his way smartly into the area where Kyla Night spotted him, and gave him a solid ball that he was able to dust off and smash past the keeper with power that was thought he didn't have. An unlucky foul against Nickel, who has quietly been solid at the back in his first international tournament, seemed to have stripped the squad of victory. As the resulting free kick found the skull of the wing back, who directed it easily into the back of the net. Wanting the full three points from the affair, Soler sent in Jaques in his first CAP for Cuellar, sacrificing playmaking for shooting. The change would prove dividends, as the excellence from set pieces that Jannian possesses allowed him to send in a marvelous ball that Jaques just had to stand there for and allow the ball to bounce into the back of the net from a mere three yards out for the winner.

As mentioned earlier, the squad now would like to clinch the top spot in the group in their next game, as the final fixture pits them against a dangerous Green Wombat side that is fighting Geisenfried for the second automatic spot. With that kind of pressure on the Wombats, they would more than likely come out with all they have in the arsenal, and try to make their claim to a spot in the Finals. However, a friendly with the Bazalonia squad is to come first, that will hopefully send forth a message of good will amongst competitors, and would try and deter the brutality of squads like Turruth Gordur.

Elves Security Forces 3
Kiso Night (27)
Justinian Constant (54)
Javier Jaques (90+)

Quintessence of Dust 2
Striker #2 (43)
Defender #4 (72)
-------------------------------------
Elves Security Forces 2
Nikali Rikard (71)
Tobias Raynor (78)

Geisenfried 0

Article by Luna Santapa

The Archregimancy

24-04-2007, 07:16

Selections from the Archregimancy prayer book
(as recited for the Holweg match)

The Pre-match Prayer of Repentance

Have mercy on us, O God, according to Your steadfast love; according to Your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin! For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me. Against You, You only, have I sinned; and done that which is evil in Your sight, so that You are justified in Your sentence and blameless in Your judgment. Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and as a sinner my mother conceived me.

Behold, You desire truth in the inward being. Teach me wisdom in my secret heart, that we might crush the Holweg heathens. Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and we shall score five. Fill me with joy and gladness; let the bones which You have broken in the hefty tackle from behind be healed. Hide Your face from my sins, and blot out all my iniquities. Create in me a clean heart, O God, and put a new and right spirit in me. Cast me not away from Your presence, and take not Your Holy Spirit from me. Then I will teach Holweg Your ways, and sinners will return to You. Deliver me from an embarrassing upset defeat, O God, God of my salvation, and my tongue will sing aloud of Your deliverance. O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth shall proclaim Your praise. For You have no delight in sacrifice; were I to give a burnt offering, as attempted by Turruth Gordur, You would not be pleased. The sacrifice acceptable to God is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, You will not despise. Do good to our squad in Your good pleasure; rebuild the walls of Jerusalem (but not those of Jeruselem, whom you may smite as you see fit) then will You delight in a right result against Holweg. Have mercy on me, O God.

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A Prayer for Half-time Remembrance

O God, come to my assistance! O Lord, hasten to help me! For we have reached the halftime whistle, and still we are held to a 1-1 draw by these unranked heathens. Shame and disgrace upon us if this result stands! Let them turn back and be confounded who wish me evil! Let them now turn in shame who jeer at me: "Well done! Well done!" in favour of Holweg. But let all who search for You be glad and rejoice in You, and let those who love your salvation, O God, always say: "The Lord be exalted!" As for me, I am wretched and poor, for we cannot find a way through the visitors' defence: God shall be my help. You are indeed my help and my salvation, O Lord: tarry not!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

A Post-Match Prayer of Confidence in the Lord

O Lord, listen to my prayer; in your truth You heeded my request and in your justice heard me; enter not into judgment with your servant since of all the living none is just before You. The enemy has pursued the ball, but he has crushed into the ground 5-1; he has been forced to dwell in darkness like those long dead. At halftime, when the score was still 1-1, my spirit was overwhelmed with grief and within me my heart was troubled. Remembering the days of old, I meditated on all your deeds, I thought of the works of Your hands. I stretched out my hands to You; like a parched land my soul longed for You. You turned not your face away from me, nor let me sink in the pit like the others, and soon the margin of victory was as great as we had wished. Grant that I may hear your love at dawn for I have placed my hope in You. O Lord, let me know which way I shall go, for I have lifted up my soul to You. Deliver me, O Lord, from my enemies, such as our next opponents Commerce Heights JSY: it is to You that I have fled. Teach me to do Your will, for You are my God; may your good Spirit lead me over level ground. For the sake of your name, O Lord, You will keep me alive. In Your saving bounty, you will deliver my soul from oppression, and in your loving kindness, you will destroy my enemies on the opposing teams, bring to naught all those who grieve my soul, and raise us up to an automatic qualification spot, for I am your servant.

Alasdair I Frosticus

24-04-2007, 07:19

Some say that his words burn like fire.

Some say his gaze shall scour the good and destroy the wicked.

Fear him, for the Oneiromancer shall return.

In the meantime, this is a slightly early (by an hour or so) RP cut-off.

DEMOT RP INCLUDED IN BONUS

Scores/tables (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12575945&postcount=16)

Demot

24-04-2007, 07:20

Diary Entry 011

"An eye for an eye will make the world blind."

Oh Ghandi, how I wish more people would listen to your words. Words that speak soo true to the heart, words that had meaning and made you reconsider your course of actions, and then the actions that were effective but not violent. If only the world could be a lot more like you, then perhaps peace among men would not seem like an Utopia dream never to come into existance. Whilst the play amongst our own group has been fair and without much in the way of unexcuable violent actions, I am disturbed by the play of teams like Turruth Gordur and Northern Bettia. Teams that like to use a bruisng and reckless style of play, who try to injure their oppisition, and use their irresponcible play as a threat to their oppisition. What makes it ever more worse is the fact that they are doing quite well for themselves with this dispeccable and ugly style of football. I do hope that whatever heathen gods that these pitiful state of humans worship has some sense of morality, and will bring them down a notch or two with some losses. I would pray for such an event, but having just refound my faith, I do not wish to commit to such an unbecoming Christian act as to wish harm on others as much as their manner of playing disgusts me. Perhaps then it is only fitting that clean playing squads like ourselves, Bazalonia, the Elves, and I believe Schiavonia have been the first group of nations to have clinched their spot in the finals. I believe that you always get that which you dish out, and with these nations and their squads usually being polite and fair in their style of play, it can only be just that they are the first to taste the sweetness of being qualified with matchdays to play still. As I am in an unusual emotional letdown tonight, I shall resign with the simple message to you all to respect yourselves and others, and you shall be a better person for yourself and by those around you, if you know them or not.

~ David Masteron

Rejistania

24-04-2007, 07:53

Amitu and the penguin from the comic strip went to the train station. It was rather surprising that the Tux was not as slow as a penguin normally would be. However, it was clear that the Tux was suffering from the heat (one of the weaknesses fo SuperTux in the comics). It would be possible to reach Sike and go back in one weekend without losing too much money. The Tux did not like this idea. It wanted to get to Sike as soon as Tuxishly possible. However he knew that Amitu would not like complaining penguin and squeaked sadly and then accepted it. They would have to wait 30 minutes until the train would come (the timetable said 15 plus the normal delay). Amitu felt strange while waiting... he could not exactly name it... rather karelan? For the first time he wondered whether it was a correct thing to do. while he likes comics of the system Karela, he liked the democracy and the civil rights of Rejistania.

Jeruselem

24-04-2007, 08:46

The new Jeruselem FA operations manager General Peter Rasmuffin was reading his horoscope on his way to meeting the Jeruselem football team. He was former army operations manager and thought this job would be more interesting than his last one. He looked the horoscrope for Pieces

"You have a busy day ahead of you with new challenges. Take it easy today as you will have a lot of work ahead of you for a while so you will need the rest now. Your new job will be difficult but rewarding in the end with lots of support from others. Attractive women will fall into your lap."

He chuckled at the last sentence, he hadn't slept with any woman since his wife had died. No women were interested in him. He finally meet the Jeruselem who had beaten the HURD TWO NIL with Kate Bush forming the greeting party but Dazza Dallas was missing. It was weird team with an assortment of weird people even with Dazza Dallas and Monique Alexander not there.

General: Well, it's mighty weird lot you have here, Kate. Where's the coach?
Kate Bush: Dazza? She'll be here, she's not exactly a morning person. Slept in I think.
General: In the army you can't have your leaders setting a bad example like that.
Kate Bush: But then it's Dazza.
General: Your nickyname is BushY?
Kate Bush: Yes sir, not because of my private parts but my surname.

General: Major Rashina Dallas, how are you?
Rashina: Good sir.
General: Dealing with the riff-raff here?
Rashina: Yes sir

General: Hi young lady, Dinkie right?
Dinkie: Yes sir
General: You're the kind of girl we need in the army, good morals and very fit.
Dinkie: My Mum doesn't want that though, me in the army.

General: Ah, it's the monk. Brother Haven. How is our Holy man?
Haven: Good sir, resisting tempation in this sinful world.
General: We need a man of God to set the team on the right track.
Haven: No, that's a priest's job sir. I must set myself on the track to God by myself.

General: Big Gay Al right? The captain.
Al: That's me, super Al.
General: Keep up the good work. You have a lot of work ahead to finish.
Al: I can only do my best to make the team does it's best.

General: Dazza Folkstia?
Folkstia: Yes sir.
General: You seem nothing like the other Dazzas.
Folkstia: Yes sir, I'm quiet. I don't like attention.

General: Ah, the cyborg girl! A fine looking one too.
Deux: I'm Dazza alright.
General: In the future, the army will have more people like you. You play good football and well, you are n't the run of the mill cyborg.
Deux: No sir, I'm built for action sir. Just like the real Dazza.
General: Well, if you want a future in the army - you will be welcome.

General: Maggie, the Iron woman?
Maggie; Yes sir, must have an iron will on these times of trouble.
General: Sounds like the army needs people like you more.
Maggie: I'm ready for any challenge.

<a few people later>

General: OK, where's that Village Bike?
Kate: Dazza should be here about now!
Dazza: Hi everyone, err sorry I'm late. (slips over a towel on the floor and lands on the General)
Kate: Good one Dazza ... flattening the boss. She's done this before.

Dazza: Errr, Sorry!
General: That's alright. My horoscope did say attractive women will fall into my lap today but not quite like this but what sort of man am I to complain. I guess it was right after all. Hey, how old are you again.
Dazza: Thirty four sir
General: Really? Well, you look a lot younger. Since we're well acquainted now, how about a private chat?

(Dazza and the General get up)

Dazza: Yes sir.
Kate: Gee Dazza, you pickup dates just like that. I'll take over for now.
General: We have lots to talk about. Not wearing a bra I see there Dazza?
Dazza: I like a man in uniform. Err, no. It's ooby booby for me.
General: My wife was a bit like that too.

<General walks off with Dazza>

Kate: I don't how she does that.
Dinkie: Jealous there?
Kate: Yes
Dinkie: (giggles)

Turori

24-04-2007, 09:14

http://www.3wideracing.com/3wide/sites/ao/turori/images/logo.gif

On the Outside, but Looking to Get In

The Turori Eels sat agonizingly in their Almintora condos watching the Match day 12 action from World Cup Qualifying. After a disgusting 0-0 draw with the Unified Capitalists States more confusing half, Turori sat 2 points out of the automatic qualification zone, and 2 points ahead in the race for the playoff spot. Unfortunately, all three teams fighting for qualification avoided each other on Match day 12 playing the groups bottom dwellers as the Eels sat and watched. The importance of points lost to the Commerce Heights JSY and Holweg during the qualification run became evident as the Eels stunningly dropped out of the qualification zone altogether with Northern Bettia's 7-0 thrashing of Mekhule and Turruth Gordur's 6-0 pounding over the same Holweg side that pulled off the Turorian upset on Match day 8.

However, there is some Bittersweet Irony in the battle for qualification. The bottom three sides, eliminated from the race already, see only each other in the final two match days, leaving the four qualification candidates up against each other with everything on the line. While the Eels cannot catch the top placed Archregimancy, even 2nd placed Turruth Gordur at 5 points clear with just 6 to earn is by no means a lost cause. In fact, if Vilita's Riailia Magic can put together a run resembling the string of results that led to qualification in the 33rd World Cup campaign, Turori could see themselves in fine position to advance directly to the World Cup 34 Finals.

First up for the Eels will be a trip to Turruth Gordur to face the nation currently sitting second in the group table. It is apparent that the Gordurians have a strange infatuation for the Turorian Cocoabo, and there will certainly be plenty of Cocoabo's making the trip, whether with the team or just to serve as a hopeful distraction to their players. Even defeat will not end Turori's qualification hopes, as playoff position holders Northern Bettia will have the daunting task of overcoming top seed The Archregimancy on the road. However, in the battle of the traditional others, the Turorians are out to prove that they are not only still competitive, but that they are on the rise in the Vilitan Cove battle, attempting to prove which half of the Vilita & Turori AOCAF championship team was really pulling all the weight. With the first half already directly qualified for the big show after missing out in World Cup 34, Turori will certainly be looking for victory over Turruth Gordur to keep automatic qualification hopes alive. A win over Turruth Gordur could leave the Eels just 2 points back in favorable position as it would then be Turruth Gordur with the task of facing The Archregimancy to secure their own World Cup Finals berth.

Regardless of the result against Turruth Gordur, there is one must win match left on the schedule, and that is the game against Northern Bettia. As only the spirit of margaret could conjure, the two sides battling for the chance to play in the World Cup Finals will do so on the pitch against each other on the final matchday of qualification. After pulling off the only decent result of the campaign so far on the road to Northern Bettia on Matchday 7, Turori will attempt to make amends for embarrassing results elsewhere in group play by sealing at least a spot in the playoffs in front of the home fans at the Almintora National Stadium on Matchday 14. Victory for Northern Bettia against The Archregimancy on matchday 13 would put qualification out of reach of Turori fail to score the points on the same day against Turruth Gordur, but the Eels are hopeful of favorable results in both contests, hoping to capitalize on the 5 point gap Turruth Gordor have built up in catching the high flyers in a bit of a daze when they travel to hostile territory.

For the Eels, only failure can be determined on Matchday 13. Failure, however, is not something that Riailia Magic and his side are prepared to bring, nor expected by the fan who have already snatched up all the tickets for the campaign ending duel with Northern Bettia with hopefully all bets still on the line.

http://www.3wideracing.com/3wide/sites/ao/turori/images/turbot.gif

Tynelia-Tessan

24-04-2007, 13:28

((no login luck for Tynelia today))

Scenario.com presents… Group 1 qualifying scenarios

Day 13
Team 1 v Team 3 CH v. Yafor2
Team 4 v Team 7 Rorysville v. UIE
Team 5 v Team 2 East Lithuania v. Tynelia
Team 6: BYE

Day 14
Team 5 v Team 1 East Lithuania v. CH
Team 2 v Team 3 Tynelia v. Yafor 2 @ Presidential Coliseum
Team 6 v Team 4 West Pasco v. Rorysville

Current standings
CH---------- 19 points +12GD
Tynelia----- 17 points +9GD
Yafor 2----- 16 points +10GD
Rorysville-- 16 points +1GD
East Lithuania- 13 points (-5)GD

(West Pasco not included because with only one match they can’t catch us)

Note- in all scenarios large goal differential swings are not included in the calculations since that would be a disclaimer for every scenario here.

Scenario 1- Tynelia wins out
Finishes first if- CH doesn't win out, 4 points gives a CH/Tynelia tie
Finishes second- guarenteed

Scenario 2- Tynelia beats East Lithuania and loses to Yafor 2.
Finishes first- almost impossible--3 way tie with CH and Yafor 2 best case if CH and Yafor 2 get a draw AND CH loses to East Lithuania
Finishes second if- Yafor 2 loses to CH AND Rorysville fails to win out
OR- CH loses out AND Rorysville fails to win out

Scenario 3- Tynelia loses to East Lithuania and beats Yafor 2
Finishes first if- CH loses out AND Rorysville loses one match
Finishes second if- CH gets 1 point AND Rorysville fails to win out

Scenario 4- Tynelia draws with Yafor 2, loses to East Lithunaia
Finishes first- impossible
Finishes second if- CH beats Yafor 2,AND Rorysville does no better than two draws AND East Lithuania doesn’t beat CH

Scenario 5- Tynelia draws with East Lithuania, loses to Yafor 2
Finishes first- impossible
Finishes second- also impossible

Scenario 6- Tynelia loses both
Finishes first- impossible
Finishes second- also impossible

Strength of schedule remaining based on total points to date for teams to be played by the contenders.
CH- 29 points
Tynelia- 29 points
Yafor 2- 36 points
Rorysville- 23 points
East Lithuania- 36 points.

Likely results- Yafor 2 and East Lithuania fall short. Rorysville wins out for 6 points, CH should get 4 points and Tynelia splits for 3.

Final standings
CH- 23 points
Rorysville- 22 points
Tynelia- 20 points

Bostopia

24-04-2007, 14:18

#tehsport

[21:30] ->> Topic is: Grp 10 Fix’s Bostopia v Rejistania, Sativaville v Kingsford, Nerotika v Acapais

[21:30] <Engley> Two mins added on to Bostopia v Rejistania
[21:30] <Quebiverry > not that that will help you :P
[21:30] <Engley> shut up
[21:31] <Celary> lol n00b
[21:31] <Quebiverry> go cut yourself :P
[21:31] <Engley> Bostopia free kick!!!1
[21:31] <Engley> Flambriff to take it

[Conway] And a free kick given to Bostopia in the dying minutes. Stuart Flambriff to take it, can he make it 2 – 2?
[Avery] I sure hope so Byron, a loss here would kill Bostopia’s qualification efforts.
[Conway] Flambriff runs up to hit it! No! Off the wall, but only into the path of Aleksander CRIIII-

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/bostopia.png The Daily Mail http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/bostopia.png

Fort Boston, Fort Boston – At 29 minutes to 10 last night, time stood still for many Bostopians. Stuart Flambriff had just hit a free kick in the dying seconds of the home game against Rejistania. The ball, as I’m sure you aware, struck the wall. A miracle then occurred. Aleksander Cripps found the ball rapidly approaching what is known to be the dead zone of a football, that one area of the pitch at that one moment where the sweetest of hits would send the ball exactly where it needed to be.

And the sweetest of hits did come. His right foot coiled back, and like a spring, released at a massive pace which found the ball on the front left edge of his boot, which sent it whizzing just above ground level into the bottom left corner of the net. The ball flashed over the white paint of the goal line infront of the West Terrace, and the 94,576 Bostopian fans in attendance jumped out of their seats and roared in unison at this footballing marvel. Bostopia now have an outside chance of getting in, but it would take wins over Nerotika and Kingsford, with one of the teams in 2nd and 3rd losing one game at least, and drawing the match between Rejistania and Acapais. Of course, Bostopia could overtake one of these sides if they get two wins, and either of those two above lose then lose, rather than lose and draw.

Bostopian football now needs to prove itself worthy of attention on the world stage, and, with Adam Collick retiring, he needs to make a mark on the world stage that has him remembered for eternity.

[Conway] –IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIPS! IT’S IN! TWO ALL! BOSTOPIA PULL LEVEL!

[21:31] <Engley> GOAL! CRIPPS! WOOT!
[21:31] <Quebiverry> :-(

Northern Bettia

24-04-2007, 16:28

Far from the excitement of the World Cup, we cut to a windy and rainswept scene. At a miltary base somewhere outside the town of Asuza, an army major stands on a balcony and casts his gimlet eye over the young cadets on parade, occasionally saluting as they march in front of him in perfect synch. A tall, imposing figure with more than a little bit of muscle on his bones, the major casts his mind back to when he was just a kid, in the bad old days when the nation was under the jurisdiction of the Paramilitary Instigators of Secular Society (PISS) who forcibly conscripted all men of fighting or working age in their terrible giant ant-related scheme to overthrow the Bettian government. The memory of his father being dragged away, never to be seen or heard from again was still raw in his memory - ever since that day, he had vowed that would never happen to him or anyone ever again.

He was shaken from his thoughts by a younger sergeant, who had stood to attention in a deliberately noisy fashion in order to get his attention.

"Sergeant Hinata. What is it?"

The sergeant saluted. "We've just received some news from the Ministry of War. Thought you should be informed sir."

"Go on."

"Basically sir, a suspected foreign insurgent has just been apprehended at Anyuna airport."

"A suspected foreign insurgent? What makes them think that?"

"He was arrested by immigration officials because, and I quote 'because that bloke looked at us funny'."

"Really? So where's he from?"

"He was carrying a fake Mekhulian passport. It took a fair bit of interrogation to find out where he's really from. They used a variety of advanced questioning techniques - fingers in toasters, electrodes clamped to testicles..."

"Oh, so the usual stuff then."

"Yes sir."

"And? What did they find out?"

"Nothing for a while. He wouldn't stop crying, epsecially when they cut the tip off one of his little fingers."

"Pfft. Poofter."

"But after a while and a hefty dose of truth serum, it emerged he was from the Holy Empire of Alasdair I Frosticus."

"The Holy Empire? What on earth are they doing here? Is he a spy?"

The sergeant shook his head. "We don't think so sir. A lot of what he said made no sense. He kept babbling about 'glimming'."

"Glimming? What is that - a new extreme sport?"

"Not sure. He said it with a strange accent. Almost sounded like 'glimmung'. Kept mentioning something about cults and a 'nearby mancer'."

"Hmmmm. Sounds like those idiots used too much truth serum again. When are those twats going to learn - that stuff is pointless. The old ways are the best. They need to learn more patience. So, anything else from the Ministry?"

"They're advising heightened state of alert from all armed forces. If some tinpot nation really is planting spies in our nation, we need to get the jump on them."

"Defend the homeland - that's our raison d'etre. If any nation tries anything funny, we'll just introduce them to a million or so giant ants. Anything else?"

"Well, speaking of ants, the Fire Ants have just won 7-0."

"Excellent. That'll teach 'em to mess with us. Porn videos indeed..."

Fixtures / Results

MD..OPPONENT...............VENUE...RESULT

Qualifying Group 2

01: Commerce Heights JSY...HOME....L 0-1
02: Holweg.................Away....W 4-0
03: Turruth Gordur.........HOME....W 4-2
04: BYE
05: Mekhule................Away....W 5-2
06: The Archregimancy......HOME....W 3-1
07: Turori.................HOME....L 0-2
08: Commerce Heights JSY...Away....W 3-1
09: Holweg.................HOME....L 1-2
10: Turruth Gordur.........Away....L 1-3
11: BYE
12: Mekhule................HOME....W 7-0
13: The Archregimancy......Away....
14: Turori.................Away....

Wentland

24-04-2007, 16:41

"Well, what happened there, lads?"

"Whoa, that was brilliant! I felt realy up for it. "

"Yeah, I could go all night. "

"Did you see how I rose there? Got my head onto it. What a shot!"

"Yeah, and did you see my lob?"

"Oh yeah. Great idea to get the girls here, boss. Any chance of a repeat?"

"I don't think so...they lost today..."

Schiavonia

24-04-2007, 18:00

The Schiavone Scribe
We Can't Let Up!
Bushes Been Quaked 1-5 Schiavonia

Schiavonia's left back David Jones has commented on his burning desire for the team not to give up on their qualifying games now that they have made it through.

Jones, who made his debut against Capitalizt SLANI on Matchday Two, has proven to be a more than useful addition to the team. Against BBQ, he seemed determined to take them all on on his own, scoring two and crossing for two Colin Chester finishes.

"I know it might not be what you would call Schiavone behaviour," he said afterwards, "Because we've already qualified, and so it's a perfect opportunity to give something back to those who need it more than us. But the thing is, it's now over eight years since this team have lost a qualifying game! We've got a reputation to keep up!"

Indeed, Jones does not lie. Schiavonia's last defeat in a World Cup Qualifying game was against Ariddia during the campaign to get to the finals in Geisenfried and Milchama. Thirty-eight games ago.

Here's a look at how the Sloths unbeaten qualifying run compares to those of others...

Sarzonia (WC22-25) 48
Turori (WC21-24) 43
Liverpool England (WC28-31) 42
Bedistan (WC23-26) 42
Starblaydia (WC28-31) 39
Schiavonia (WC32-) 37
Jeruselem (WC31-33) 35
Squornshelous (WC28-31) 33
Sarzonia (WC26-28) 31
Starblaydia (WC24-25) 31

Note: I've only had time to check as far back as WC19 so far. Oh, and I also fully expect us to get beaten by Fort Europe next game after all this! Damn the editors giving us research jobs!

- - - - -

"David... David..."

He wasn't really watching the TV that was on in the background, but it suddenly grabbed his attention.

"Do you want the question again? Who plays left back for the Schiavonia national team?"

"David... David Jones."

He looked up. On the screen was his father, apparently taking part in a gameshow.

"And he's doing brilliantly, doctor. If he can just hang in there."

"Of course. I'm surprised he's coming along this well."

"Come on David, the sooner you get this done, the sooner you can come home."

"Yes! Yes, I can! You tell him, dad!"

But his dad couldn't hear him. He looked up.

"David Jones you're saying... and that's the correct answer..."

Bostopia

24-04-2007, 18:01

[Pariff] Thanks for coming to us after that break. And now for the sports news, our top story tonight, Rejistanian officials have, in the past couple of hours, released details that the Bostopian National Squad failed doping tests following their victory. For more on the story, we can cross live to Kelly Firth, who’s outside Hartwick House in Fort Boston, Kelly?

The shot cuts to Kelly Firth, who has a very healthy looking glow on her body; presumably from the suntan lotion she’s wearing to stop sunburn.

[Firth] Thanks Jamie. Yes that’s right, following Bostopia’s 2 all draw with Rejistania, the players undertook drugs testing as sanctioned by the BFA. When these tests were analysed in Bostopia, they were found to be clean, but Rejistanian officials have told us that they have found discrepancies.

There have already been allegations of “ymetanious deals” – basically corruption – in Rejistania to do with the doping, but the Rejistanian football authorities have said that the Bostopian National Side will be banned from Rejistania for the next 4 years, with the ban falling halfway through the next WC qualification period.

BFA officials have just released this statement – “The BFA denies the allegations of doping from Rejistania one hundred percent. The BFA worked tirelessly to stem out doping at any level in Bostopian football, and the game has been completely clean, as far as tests have shown, for the past 16 years. The ban is totally unjust, and Rejistania is obviously suffering from a case of sour grapes.

However, we will have no choice but to respect their wishes should Bostopia have to play Rejistania in Qualifications for the next World Cup, and we will seek to find a neutral ground on which to play any games affected by this.”

Bostopian National Manager Adam Collick added that “we were concerned at half time that the oranges tasted a bit funny, but it was later discovered that our half-time break suppliers had mislaid their lunch of a corned-beef pasty with our oranges. However, with both Bostopian goals coming in the second half, we will be looking to use corned-beef pasties at half time of every game.”

There you have it Jamie, back to the studio.

[Parriff] Alright Kelly, you keep catching those rays and getting a good all-over tan. And another Kelly-related story, Kelly will be competing head on with Dazza Dallas in – wait for it – calendar sales! Next year’s Kelly Firth calendar will be available at all good retailers from November, well in time to make a good present for the holiday season.

And now onto other news, the College Gridiron Association of Bostopia’s opening fixture kicked off yesterday with an opening 35 – 7 win for the University of Fort Boston’s Golden Knights over Port Flamerty State’s Dockers. For more on that, we can cross live to the Fort Boston Arena, and correspondent Rachel Sallit.

Ariddia

24-04-2007, 19:31

ESAT celebrates triumphant defeat

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/esat.png ESAT 9-31 Az-cz kleptochasers http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/az-cz.png

The Black’n’Red Wasps of ESAT were fêted as heroes earlier today after their spectacularly good loss against the visiting team of Az-cz kleptochasers, who themselves delivered an excellent performance. Playing to a packed audience at Darras Olympic Stadium, near Rêvane, on Ariddian ground, the two teams never allowed a moment for spectators to become bored. With forty goals scored in just under ninety-six minutes, the match was fast-paced and continuously exciting. . .

. . .although the number of missed passes on both sides was perhaps a record for an international match.

Linking arms, the eleven starters for ESAT sang the national anthem, but, unlike Ariddians, did not perform the ulek, not wishing to misperform the ancient war dance.

It was, of course, a walkover. But then, everyone had been expecting that. The question had been whether the Esati players would score any goals.

The Esatis played with three attackers and four defenders, although that structure appeared rather fluid, changing several times through the game, with players even seeming to switch positions. The teams had decided to allow as many substitutes as either liked, so as to enable as many players as possible to take part. Despite this, Esati players aged 40 and above – that is, most of them – visibly slowed their pace as the game progressed.

The man of the match, on the Esati side, was undoubtedly its captain and coach. Desmond White scored five of his country’s nine goals, becoming an unquestioned national sport hero, while Alsh Tel scored two, and Natasha Songway and Christopher Rorth one each.

On Az-cz’s side, there was a constant barrage of goals – about one every three minutes. Players such as Wk-Gy, My-Kng, Dt-Ck and Ug-Blm performed particularly well.

The score was, of course, important to the Esatis, but in the end what mattered most was perhaps the friendly, exciting atmosphere on the field and in the stadium. It was a match like no other, and when it was over the players and many spectators improvised a party to which the Az-cz team were, of course, warmly invited.

“This was one of our best defeats ever,” Songway said later. “It’s been a wonderful day.”

St Samuel

24-04-2007, 20:04

St Samuel (1) 1
Atheistic Right (1) 3

St Samuel were defeated in there final home game of the world cup qualifiers, 3-1 against Atheistic Right. The Latin Crusaders played in front of a capacity crowd who despite losing honoured and cheered there team until the last.

It was Dexter St John who scored first on the 24th minute and Atheistic Right equalized 10 minutes later.

Atheistic Right outplayed St Samuel in the second half scoring on the 67th and 75th minutes and St Samuel were unable to find a way through on goal.

St Samuel see there final fixture out next against Magnus Valerius and win or lose, St Samuel will finish 5th regardless,

Zwangzug

24-04-2007, 22:48

The shades of night were falling fast
As to Vilho Latvala passed.
The youth aimed well, the ball went in
The Pschychoes were on pace to win.
Squornshelous one, Zwangzug zero.

The goal was large, the shape inside
Cast shadows through darkness of pride,
And silent like the saxophone
Played on throughout the game, alone.
Squornshelous one, Zwangzug zero.

Squornshelous's half of the field
Was fairly empty, or concealed
By the blackness. Varg could relax:
His team continued its attacks.
Squornshelous one, Zwangzug zero.

"Try passing here!" Ulysses cried.
Andrew did, but the shot went wide.
Ctibor got it, shot, and scored.
The numbers flickered on the board.
Squornshelous two, Zwangzug zero.

"O, stay!" It tempted Simon Ryne,
But he, unwilling to resign
Hadn't defected when he got
The chance. Now, he wondered why not.
Squornshelous two, Zwangzug zero.

"Look out!" The complaint duly lodged
And ball approaching, Andrew dodged.
Hermanni's shot was packed with force:
The back of the net stopped its course.
Squornshelous three, Zwangzug zero.

As extra time began to tick
Jacob sidestepped Jalmari's kick.
And no one else could stop the ball:
It went in and surprised them all.
Squornshelous four, Zwangzug zero.

Finally, the last whistle blew.
The ugly loss at last was through.
Still replaying it in his mind
A peon caught up from behind.
Squornshelous four, Zwangzug zero.

There in his room he'd reminisce
Of what he couldn't make a miss
And enter dreams ravaged by shame
And guilt as much as was the game...
Squornshelous four, Zwangzug zero.

Cafundeu

25-04-2007, 02:04

OLHO NO LANCE! YOUR SPORTS MAGAZINE
SMALL MATCH REPORT MADE BY SÍLVIO RUIZ
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

AFTER FRIENDLY, CITIZENS RETURN TO WORRY

http://img169.imageshack.us/img169/9340/semttulo1es2.jpg
Errinundera controlled the ball in the midfield

Cafundéu had a rest day in the World Cup qualifiers, and arranged a friendly against Errinundera, a strong team famous in the world. As Errinundera is a country very linked with nature, the CCFM brought the game to the rural city of Elville, where the green dominates, although the farms help the country's economy.

The coach David Nefasto decided to not use the main team in the game, and the team suffered with the bad formation and with the superior quality of the opponents. In the end, Cafundéu didn't play well and lost the game by the result of 4x1. This result worries the population, as a loss against Atheistic Right in the next game can cost the Monopolists the qualification.

And today the Olho no Lance newspaper will have a special guest: the retired player of the National Team of Errinundera, este. He watched the whole game at the top of a tree and gave his comments to us, and we'll share some of them to you. It's really good to have an international guest in our magazine, that's why this edition of the magazine is more expensive.

este: "I went to Cafundéu expecting a polluted country, noisy, with futile people who don't think about the future and the nature, only consuming and living a life controlled by the modern products. In fact, that's what I saw, and Cafundéu is really what I expected. But, here in Elville, things seem a bit different. This place has nature, not like in Errinundera, but has. So, this is like a paradise hidden in the middle of hell. I liked this place and will try to visit it in the future. The stadium is nice too and the people are taking care of the grass."

The game started, and Errinundera was extremely dangerous in its attacks, giving a lot of work to Júnior. In the first minute, oluckais dribbled Barbosa and shot from outside of the area. The ball hit the post and left the playing field. Cafundéu replied with Ijak, who invaded the area after a uiliod mistake and shot, but the ball went over the bar.

The game seemed equal, but not for a long time. Errinundera had a good strategy and could hold the ball in the midfield, starting wise attacks. In one of them, after the middle of the first half, matthieug got the ball and made an excellent pass to rosaniel, who invaded the area and shot with accuracy, giving no chances to Júnior.

Cafundéu had difficulties in the last minutes of the first half, suffering many attacks from an organized Errinundera. In the injury time, Alemão fouled rosaniel near the area. Van-Der-Lei made a strange gesture to indicate the location of the free kick. rosaniel took it and immelfar headed to score the goal before the end of the half.

este: "This half can be divided in two. In the first one, an equal game, with chances for both side. I was really impressed with the quality of the Cafundéu team, but I think that they suffered a bit to create chances, maybe because of the formation. Errinundera did everything right and, in the second part of the half, could hold the ball to make their plays. The team missed few passes and because of that could score the two goals, that can be important in this game. I think that rosaniel and the goalkeeper arata are having a good game."

http://img169.imageshack.us/img169/2623/semttulo02qy8.jpg
Goalkeeper arata had an excellent performance

For the second half, the coach David Nefasto put Gaúcho in Kliek's place, trying to test the midfielder, that isn't being used as many times as the other midfielders. Errinundera made two changes, as it was winning the game, putting aptai and scerberu. Before the start of the second half, Errinundera's players had to defend a poor squirrel which was going to be the dinner of a group of men.

The second half started, and this time Errinundera couldn't take the ball control easily. Cafundéu returned willing to score at least a goal, and maybe trying to get a draw. And after nearly twenty minutes, Heitor made a great pass to Kemp, who had just entered in the game. The attacker dribbled a defender and shot. The ball hit the bar, and he headed it to score the goal.

The supporters were anxious to see more goals, but I think that they would like to see the Monopolists scoring. Unfortunately for them, the potoroos could adapt themselves to the new Cafundéu strategy, and took advantage of the weak wings of Cafundéu (playing with reserve full-backs) to score. aptai received the ball in the left, invaded the area and made a cross shot to score.

Having to score three times to win the game, Cafundéu had to attack with all the possible weapons, including the fireworks and lights, which were used to try to take the attention of the Errinundera players. But the fact is that Alemão lost his attention because of them, and didn't stop rosaniel, who invaded the area and shot in the goal of a surprised Júnior.

The game ended, and Cafundéu's players congratulated Errinundera, that could go to a country with a different lifestyle to play a friendly game. The coach David Nefasto said: "We lost, but considering the fact that we played with some reserves, we had a good game and can use some new tactics in the important game against Atheistic Right."

The defender Zé Carlos said: "It's difficult to play a game of this level, between big countries of the world of football. But I think that I did my best, so I have nothing to regret." The attacker Kemp said: "I had the luck to receive a good pass from Heitor in my first play in the game, but anyone could score that goal."

este: "And the game ends. Personally, I think that both teams played well, but Errinundera, breathing the fresh air of the trees, could win the game. rosaniel was deadly and sometimes I wanted to go to the field to play too, as the game seemed very enjoyable. To end my comments, I'd like to greet all the citizens of Errinundera and of Cafundéu, and to say that this was a good experience for me... wait, who are you? (looks at a small man) You're what? The scout? What do you want to talk with me? Sorry, but no, talk with our captain, I think that will help you more. Sorry for the interruption, and good night to all the readers of this magazine!"

http://img440.imageshack.us/img440/4492/semttulo01rm5.jpg
Cafundéu's defense suffered with Errinundera's attacks

CAFUNDÉU 1x4 ERRINUNDERA

Place: Parque do Sol, in Elville.
Attendance: 55,650 people.
Referee: Van-Der-Lei (Cafundéu).
MOTM: rosaniel (Errinundera).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Júnior, Léo Mattos (Covas 60'), Zé Carlos, Namarra and Alemão; Anormal (Priotto 60'), Barbosa (Kemp 60'), Dário and Kliek (Gaúcho 45'); Heitor (Renário 78') and Ijak.
Coach: David Nefasto.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/errinundera.png ERRINUNDERA: arata, evastatio, uiliod, and ragle; udhistirap, oluckais (haimadu 80'), nykeo (aptai 45') and matthieug; immelfar, isshare (scerberu 45') and rosaniel.
Coach: withare.

Goals:CAF: Kemp 64'.
ERR: rosaniel 25'/88' , immelfar 45'+ , aptai 76'.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cafundéu – formation for game against Atheistic Right: Durepox, Covas, Kirs, Becão and Sávio Ferrari; Anormal, Priotto, Falcus and Kliek; Heitor and Ijak.
Coach: David Nefasto
Style of +2

Match’s Referee: Timothy Hampseden (Milchama).

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

PAI DINAH SAYS

5th PART OF THE PREDICTIONS OF THE SPIRITUAL MEDIUM FROM CAFUNDÉU

About... GROUP 4:

“It's a beach. The competitors are swimming, trying to reach a big ship labeled "to Ariddia and the Holy Empire". The slim guy is in front of the others, but the second positioned is near him. The other competitors have few chances to reach them, but the battle for the third position is interesting, as a big tree is swimming there.”

About... GROUP 8:

“There is nothing here. Wait, I see something far away from me. It looks like an elf, and he's disappearing in the distance. I look behind me, and there are many people trying to reach the elf, but now it is impossible. A German looks the favourite to finish in second, but the wombat and something that looks like dust try to reach the German.”

Acapais

25-04-2007, 02:40

Scenarios for Group 10

Group 10

MD 13
Rejistania v Sativaville
Bostopia v Nerotika
Acapais v Milchama

MD14
Acapais v Rejistania
Milchama v Sativaville
Bostopia v Kingsford

Rejistania will automatically qualify with
*A MD13 win
*AND a MD13 Acapais loss

Rejistania will not qualify with
*A MD13 and MD14 loss
*AND a MD13 and MD14 Bostopia win
*AND at least one point from MD13 and MD14 for Acapais

Milchama will automatically qualify with
*at least two points from MD13 and MD14
*OR MD13 and MD14 Rejistania loss
*OR only one point from MD13 and MD14 for Acapais

Bostopia will automatically qualify with
*A MD13 and MD14 win
*AND a MD13 loss and MD14 draw for Acapais and Rejistania
*AND a superior goal difference than Rejistania

Bostopia will not qualify with
*a loss or draw in either MD13 or MD14

Acapais will automatically qualify with
*A MD13 and MD14 win
*OR four points in MD13 and MD14 AND a MD13 loss or draw fro Rejistania

Acapais will not qualify with
*A MD13 and MD14 loss
*AND a MD13 and MD14 Bostopia win
*AND at least one point from MD13 and MD14 for Rejistania

Sativaville, Kingsford, and Nerotika have been eliminated.

-----------------------------------------------
Acapais RP Threads
Roster Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12478731&postcount=9)
Acapais PreWC Press Conference (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12491022&postcount=23)
Acapais v Sel Appa Friendly (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12492699&postcount=26)
WCQ Draw (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12535022&postcount=19)
MD2 pre-game (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12541262&postcount=56)
Bostopia - MD2 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12543949&postcount=84)
Sativaville - MD3 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12547865&postcount=118)
Kingsford - MD4 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12550431&postcount=139)
Nerotika - MD5 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12554560&postcount=167)
BYE - MD8 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12564963&postcount=240)
Kingsford – MD11 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12573602&postcount=288)
Nerotika – MD12

Quakmybush

25-04-2007, 03:56

The Daily Quak
It'll Be A Photo Finish

The Quakmybush National Soccer team continued their quest for qualification with a win over Estresse Intenso. The team moved within four points of Northern Ceasarsalad. And it is simple. If the teams wins there next two games, huzzah, qualification. If not, it could be a playoff spot, or no qualification at all. The team is extremely anxious, and is hoping to win their next games and just get in. Then, they will crush everybody in the finals. We have to cut this report short due to an ink shortage in Quakmybush.

Bazalonia

25-04-2007, 05:18

For once it was nice for Joseph not to get knocked out, and he woke up in a sort of bunk, "Yeah, this is where I remeber going to sleep" he thought to himself before getting up, most people were already active after a quick breakfast of cereal.

And he was called into Marcus' room, a place that seemed to be treated as if it was a the dwelling of a god on earth, for his followers Marcus was a god. After showing appropriate reverence that was told to him and shown before even setting eyes on the door and he entered the most holiest place for these insane people.

"James Bond, thank you for coming.. I have something for you. For too long the nation of Bazalonia influenced by the crooked and corrupt religious institutions of Christianity has been crushing our Atheist brothers underfoot, they have to learn the principle of Survival of the Fitest. Bazalonia needs to be wiped off the face of the earth, and it is with you that we can finally achieve our goal, being Bazalonian you would be able to get through the security and with our help we can ensure that they don't pay attention to you. Are you willing to do this not for your brothers and sisters but for all the times they have squashed you under their finger made you feel ashamed of your beliefs made it feel like you are sub-human. Let me tell you it is not you that is Sub-Human, they are, you are far above all of them they still cling to their false religion where you have advanced beyond that, you have evolved ahead of them and now it is time to show your evolutionary dominance over them. Are you in?

"Yes, no more maps will ever have the word Bazalonia on it again."

"Good we have a flight ready. It leaves 2pm AOTC and will arrive earlier than that local time. Your time here was short but you will have had spent it like a tourist, come back here in time for the flight but before then the town is your own. You need to act like a Bazalonian tourist, I will not be here I have other business to attend to but know your work will not be in vain. It will succeed"

"Yes, it will"

Joseph had no idea why agreed to that, though he couldn't break his cover, he'd be dead in seconds, so the only thing he could do was destroy the belief they had in Marcus... Perhaps he could find something that would break their power over him. Something so repugnant that no one could stand it.

Joseph left the room and soon after Marcus came out too. Some of the fellow cultists gave him some beagles and said. "You have the most important job of all, spend wisely."

Marcus, while Joseph was distracted, had left and had gotten into his car and drove away. Joseph managed to get out there just in time to see it away, there was a car, and this was Atheistic Right, Cars being stolen where common place, you could never really be sure anything was yours.

Getting in the car he managed to hotwire the car and drive off in pursuit, luckily, or uluckily, there was a car crash ahead and he was stuck in traffic. though it didn't take long for the crash to disappear as people seemed to loot whatever they could off of it, there seemed to be no police around at all and life continued on in Atheistic Right as it always seemed to have.

Joseph followed Marcus into what looked like an old dilapodated warehouse that should have been condemned ages ago... but looks could always be deceiving, particularily in Atheistic Right.

Atheistic Right

25-04-2007, 05:40

Leon Green was himself keeping an eye on Joseph, aka James Bond. "What a weird name." he thought has he had finished that report, but now it was onto his proper Job, looking after the national team. The win over St Samuels pushed them down to make it impossible for the new team on the ranks to win, but 2 games to go, despite this the last 2 games are the hardest on paper. 2nd and 1st seeds, If the team could win against Cafundeu then when they faced Demot in the last match then perhaps, just perhaps they could still clinch the play off spot.

MD 13: Atheistic Right win...
MD14: Cafundeu loss
MD14: Cafundeu Draw AND AR Draw
MD14: Cafundeo Draw AND AR Loss if total GD between the two teams decreases by 6

MD 13: Atheistic Right Draw
MD14: Cafundeu loss and Atheistic Right Win
MD14: Cafundeu draw and Atheistic Right Win pluss good GD

MD13: AR loss. cannot qualify.

That is what the assesments of the Darwinists Chances against Cafundeu, he grimaced before getting another report, someone had "surrepticiously collected" a report that was carelessly wasted by the Cafundeu leadership. It contained not only detailed reports of the team that was to be on the field but also some plans on how to negate some of the Atheistic Right major players.

Though he could not be sure indeed that the report was valid, the ... organisation... he used could of very well faked something. You never know, or it could have even been a plant. But so far the only thing he could say for certain is that it seemed ligit.

Only time would tell.

Az-cz

25-04-2007, 06:28

OOC: One match day late....

Amda-Mo: Back on track with a solid 4-1 win over Junista.

Lur-Mn: Indeed. I'm not suprised by such a result. Kn-Dg's looking sharp indeed, picking up another set of three goals.

Amda-Mo: Indeed. With just a handful of matches left the team looks well positioned.

Lur-Mn: Indeed, we're on the verge of qualification and still control our own fate as far as the group title goes.

Amda-Mo: Looking at the overall performance of the team up to this point how would you rank them?

Lur-Mn: Eh, C+. Clearly we've done well and have mostly avoided the horiffic upsets some teams have suffered, but we're still not playing up to the standards that we've established for ourselves. Seeing teams we've long since passed, like Elves Security Forces out perform us is galling.

Amda-Mo: Indeed. They're doing suprisingly well. Putting up a great showing following their first ever qualification, just like us two cups ago.

Lur-Mn: Well if that history holds true they're in for a painful finals. <chuckles>

Amda-Mo: Well, the hosts this time around aren't as likely to put them as a four seed like we got stuck with when we travelled to Milchama.

Lur-Mn: True. They have the bonus of having many years to accumulate points while we advanced on our second cup.

Amda-Mo: Anyways to keep this from turning into a show about ESF let's look ahead. Next up is Dance 2 Revolution. Thoughts?

Lur-Mn: I see no reason why we can't keep our perfect record against them.

Az-cz

25-04-2007, 06:45

Amda-Mo: Wow. What an exciting match. 31 goals for to nine against. One only wishes we could see the real team replicate such a performance.

Lur-Mn: Well the level of the opponents is not quite the same. Still it takes the sting out of the Dance 2 Revulsion debacle. A little bit anyways.

Amda-Mo: Indeed. How would you rate the play of the two teams today.

Lur-Mn: Energetic. Both teams played with joy and good spirit. The kleptochasers proved they're great athletes even if lousy footballers. They simply ran circles around the ESAT team.

Amda-Mo: Indeed. Mar-Mar's matching opening foul goal set the tone didn't it.

Lur-Mn: Well being a strength master, one of the strongest people in Az-cz he just battered the poor ESAT ambassador on that play. It might well have been a foul, but with neither team knowing what was going on it was let to stand.

Amda-Mo: Still he was very sporting and helped her up quickly.

Lur-Mn: Indeed. The kleptochasers were great sports. I think they made a great impression on the ESAT team.

Amda-Mo: Yes, one hopes it inspires Ariddians to try out kleptochase when the league season starts up next.

Lur-Mn: Indeed, and let's hope it inspires the team as well. They're tied with Oliverry for the top spot with just two matches to go. One win sees them into the cup and two ought to be enough to guarantee the top spot in the group. Then we just have to wait and see who qualifies and where we get drawn. We're almost there now.

Errinundera

25-04-2007, 07:48

News items from the Fanny Moo (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Fanny_Moo) Examiner On-Line:

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/examiner.gif

arata SELLS OUT

The Errinundera football world is in shock today with the revelation of arata’s signing up to play next season with Cafundéu (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Cafund%C3%A9u) club EC Elville. The local star and recently acknowledged #1 goalkeeper for the national side (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera_National_Football_Squad) will be on a 2 year contract for β360 million. “That’s an awful lot of bolas,” says his wife franareth, “but apparently not so unusual for Cafundéuns. arry tells me it’s about 1 million of their vintems. Still, it will allow us to move into a bigger tree.”

arata's contract permits him to play for the potoroos (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera_National_Football_Squad) whenever he is required but, with the Cafundéun domestic season coinciding with the EFA (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera_Football_Association) competition, we have probably seen the last of his exquisite skills here in Fanny Moo (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Fanny_Moo). Young Ootopian (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ootopia) fan, sweedolise, says she will miss him sorely. “My bedroom walls are covered with pictures of him. Every night he is the last thing I think about before I go to sleep. I’ll probably stop going to the football now. All the other Ootopian players are either women or ugly.”

The deal was brokered by retired player, este, while the team was visiting Cafundéu (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Cafund%C3%A9u) for the recent friendly. “arata really liked it in Elville and his fantastic performance in goals excited the EC Elville manager,” says este. “Because the EFA (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera_Football_Association) doesn’t allow transfer payments between clubs it meant that we were able to get more for arata, which is the way it should be.”

Officials with the Errinundera Football Association (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera_Football_Association) are fully aware that the ground breaking deal is the harbinger for a paradigm shift in football in Errinundera (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera). President ermainegree fears that this could be the start of a drain of players to wealthier countries. “The top Errinundrian players could get higher salaries playing overseas. I know that most would prefer to play at home but the lure may well be irresistible.”

DINOSAUR FOUND UNDER SACRED TREE

Fanny Moo (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Fanny_Moo) is agog with the recent discovery of what appears to be a complete dinosaur skeleton under its sacred tree (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Sacred_Tree), CUNNUSVACCAE. Recent heavy rains caused a minor subsidence on one side revealing an intact skull. “This is a groundbreaking find,” says riceratu, a palaeontologist from the First Creek Falls (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/First_Creek_Falls) Lyceum. “It’s a styracosaurid, a member of the ceratopsian family. Clearly it’s a hitherto unrecorded genus as it lacks the awesome spike above the nose. Mind you, the spikes on the outside of the frill are frightening enough. Because of where it was found it has been named cunnovaccosaurus.”

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/Cunnovaccosaurus.png
An artist's impression of cunnovaccosaurus

The international paleaontological community is calling for CUNNUSVACCAE to be chopped down. Spokesperson for IPAG (International Palaeontological Action Group), Deepa Swallow, told our reporter that the scientific ramifications of this new find were exciting. “We cannot allow some silly fetish for a decrepit, leech-ridden tree to stand in the way of the advancement of knowledge.” We asked local Fanny and noted incendiarist, hoosh, for a comment and he simply asked, “Do IPAG have an office in Errinundera (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera)?”

SQUIRREL MURDER PLOT FOILED

Courageous players from the national team (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera_National_Football_Squad) foiled a cruel attempt to kill, cook and eat an innocent squirrel during the half time break at the recent friendly match between Cafundéu (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Cafund%C3%A9u) and Errinundera (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera). Potoroo star, evastatio, was one of eight players who jumped the fence to save the poor creature. “The Cafundéuns had set up a fire in a 44 gallon drum. A quick thinking expat in the crowd sent an SMS to the EFA (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera_Football_Association) in Errinundera who promptly contacted the team. A few of us decided to do something about it. The fans were so surprised they just stood by as we liberated the squirrel. We later released it in the countryside. One of the local shock jocks apparently called for better security at grounds to prevent players from invading the stands. There’s a turnabout for you.” Clearly evastatio was overexcited by the rescue, receiving a yellow card two minutes into the second half for a supposedly dangerous tackle.

SCARY NATION; GREAT FOOTBALLERS

Following the return of the potoroos (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera_National_Football_Squad) after their 1-4 defeat of Cafundéu (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Cafund%C3%A9u) we were able to catch up with local Ootopia (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ootopia) star, aptai, the 19 year old midfielder who managed a goal late in the game. She had mixed feelings about the trip. “Cafundéu is one scary nation. The royal family doesn’t allow any political freedoms, there is hardly a tree to be seen, and their banks are treated as places of worship. Oddly enough the people are quite nice. I went nightclubbing with really cute midfielder called Riccardo Alemão. Wow, could he move! I had the best night of my life.”

aptai was impressed by the rest of the team as well. “I think they were somewhat in awe of us. To tell you the truth we were also nervous about playing them. We’ve been watching videos of their recent games and they’ve got what it takes to become a power team. Add to that our own inconsistent form and we thought we could lose this one. It was good for us to return to form.”

When asked about the stand-out players aptai was quick to nominate Alemão.“ One of my jobs was to keep an eye on him. I can tell you it was pleasure to do that. He might have some good moves off the field but I sure stitched him up when I kicked my goal. Sadly, he hasn’t spoken to me since.” She also had special praise for Zé Carlos. "With our attack on top for most of the game he was the defender who kept his cool. We were all very impressed with this courageous player.”

When asked about the arata scandal, aptai remained open-minded. “It’s his choice. It’s hard to imagine him settling down in that sort of place but you never know. People can be very resilient. I can’t imagine what he’ll do with all that money. I’ve heard he plans to use some of the money to set up an animal rights group in Elville.”

Rejistania

25-04-2007, 08:28

Amitu and the Tux were in the train and as promised, the Tux told stories about his adventures and installations of superior operating systems. Many stories were rather takilan even though the penguin insisted all that was only done to defend the karelan motherland. The penguin also told how he used a buffer overflow to escape from the comic when his series was supposed to be stopped about the shock that he lost his superpowers in this worldand that the temple of karela, the theocratic government of System Karela suspected him to be a terroristic heathen when he once said "Holy rms!" in shock. the oversized penguin avoided all talk concerning his current mission.

When they needed to wait half an hour for their next stop, Amitu bought himself a soup and SuperTux a fish (which the Tux ate whole and raw in the store). Eventually they were on the right platform and waited for the train when a dude came to make trouble. Amitu did not understand him because the dude did not speak Isesi or Teri or Rejistanian, but he heard the angry tone of his voice. Fortunately, the train arrived and Amitu and the penguin hurried into the train and closed the door. The Tux seemed to be scared at least if Amitu interpreted Tuxish facial expressions correctly. "That person... that was SuperDude... and he came to the real world to stop me!"

Turruth Gordur

25-04-2007, 09:27

From the desk of Magda the Forsaken:

Close...so close. We can smell the friend ribs and tasty treats of celebration. We can also smell the fresh meat of a World Cup. Gromper Gripper is still good player that smells very much new. Yet we will show everyone power of Turruth Gordur football. In celebration we shall sacrifice a clean sock, two old virgins and a yellow burger. We hope Turori brings magnificent penguin creature with us. It much fascinating! Turruth Gordur shall not be moved!

West Ariddia

25-04-2007, 10:10

RP cut-off for MD13. Results here (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12579332&postcount=17).

Swilatia

25-04-2007, 12:19

So, today we had lost to Errinundera, just as expected. It actually turns out to be good that we are losing, even to Netherwallop. Why should we qualify? I just remembered this world cup was going to be in Ariddia. None of us want to set foot into that evil communist country. Alsdair I Frosticus is almost better, bet is still a terrible country to go to, and a terrible country to play football in.

So, yes, stagung losses against bad teams was the pnly way, because if we had won the last two match we would be in third, in danger of qualifying. However, now, for us to reach the play-off, we have to win the match against Wentland, and Vilita has to win their match against Errinundera. These are not very likely, especially the first. And then we'll hace to win the play, who knows who we'll be up against.

Now, the Wentland match is really going to be difficult, but much of the fighting will be on their side of the field. That is all we know. The winner is unknow, but I'm afraid my money is on Wentland. Then again, who knows, but a loss may be able to save us from going to these terrible countries in which world cup 34 is hosted. I think we'll wait a moment before making a name for ourselves. Possibly as soon as WC35, if there are better host selections.

Aleksander Szary

Jeruselem

25-04-2007, 12:47

Dazza:
"OK, what's going on? We can't keep on losing games like that. You weren't even trying! I know we all or most of us have getting over the cold but that was a long time ago. We beat the HURD so why can't we beat ... err ... you know. Look, we're supposed to be top seeds and there's a bunch of turtles ahead of us. Next game, we have to win. We don't want the HURD to catch us. We really should win the next two games. Training, I want every putting on 150 percent from now on."

Kate Bush:
"Some of you have been slacking lately. It's time we got back into top gear, not low gear."

Dazza:
"OK, let's clean up and go to bed thinking. We've got a few injuries but we should still have won that game. Finishing was crap, the goal does not change in size or shape or get better OK?"

Kate Bush:
"Some of us, like Dinkie who's still feeling bad from the flu have an excuse but most of you don't. Come on guys, this is the World Cup! We can't play like this in the finals if we make it that is."

<Later>

Dazza: What you doing there Dazza? And why no pants on.
Deux: Tuning! It's easier tuning your legs with no pants on.
Dazza: Oh, you have to tune your body once in a while.
Deux: Cybernetics is still learning how to product the perfect body part.

Dazza: It's not everyday, you see someone taking their legs off.
Deux: You should try tuning my arms, now that's tricky. That's if they hands are working.
Dazza: Looks like your left foot is broken.
Deux: Sure does. No wonder I couldn't get things right today. Hand me the spare foot from that bag.

Dazza: (picking a left foot) Like this one?
Deux: That's it.
Dazza: Wish I could do that to my knees ...
Deux: I can do that, but it's not a simple thing.

Dazza: (looking at broken foot) What do you with this?
Deux: I sent it back for analysis so they can find out what went wrong.
Dazza: There's some loose crap in here.
Deux: Looks like something broke inside.

Rocky: Hello girls ... Dazza legless (goes red)
Dazza: Her, not me! And what you are looking at exactly, her legs or above?
Rocky: Err, nothing ... (still red)
Deux: (putting legs back) That's better. I was feeling unbalanced. (walks around)

Dazza: So Rocky, learnt something today?
Rocky: Yes, err see you later ... (wanders off)
Dazza: So, I assume you will play better next game!
Deux: I should stop falling over now, which helps if you want to play football.

Dazza: So, when are you going get some skin?
Deux: Next update, hopefully.
Dazza: You'd look more human then
Deux: Oh yes, raw metal limbs scare some people. I think Rocky likes me, you noticed?

Dazza: Well, anyone who looks like me gets him all hot and bothered
Deux: (putting shorts back on) Well, doesn't bother me either.
Dazza: Oh, here's your foot back.
Deux: Thanks.

Errinundera

25-04-2007, 12:57

News item from the Rodger River (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Rodger_River) Examiner

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/examiner2.gif

TYRO DESTROYS SWILATIA
POTOROOS EARN A REPRIEVE

Rodger River may have found the heir to the legacy of local legends, ubhashinim and longipesp. In a thrilling display of virtuoso football 17 year old scerberu kept alive the potoroo’s hopes of qualifying as she kicked a hat trick against the hapless Swilatian team. It wasn’t simply the number of goals, it was also the manner in which they were scored. All were kicked in rapid succession in the second half after “shiva”, as she is known amongst her Rodger River team mates, came on as substitute for the out of form snaporoo. All were the product of exquisite footwork, impeccable timing and precise placement.

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/scerberusmall.jpg
scerberu the destroyer: small, fast and agile, she can sink a side in minutes

Former Rodger River international, zirza, predicts a big future for the diminutive scerberu. “She is the most exciting Rodgerer since ubhashinim. Everyone underestimates her but, if you’re not on your toes, she will totally shred your defence. She is only in her second year with the club and she has topped our team goal-scoring list both years. It’s no wonder the EFA selected her in the national squad at such a young age.” When asked how scerberu got the nickname of “shiva” zirza explained that it was due to the young woman’s ability to transform a game of football. “She is the destroyer of teams. In one astonishing moment she can turn a game on its head.”

The two teams went in at half-time with Swilatia ahead 2-nil despite the teams sharing the play equally. Angelic, genderqueer captain, rosaniel, found the team’s inability to score frustrating. “All qualifying campaign we have failed to capitalise on the good work of our defence and midfield. Swilatia deserved to be up. Their forwards were playing much better than ours, including myself.”

In the space of 7 minutes early in the second half, scerberu upended the game and everybody’s expectations. Twice teaming with her captain and once with carltu, she emphatically eliminated Swilatia from World Cup 34. carltu was ecstatic. “Not only did scerberu eliminate Swilatia but she also guaranteed us a second chance in the play-offs. We may yet make it to Ariddia.”

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Swilatia.png
Swilatia 2
(26 & 37)

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Errinundera.png
Errinundera 3
(scerberu 51, 56, 58)

Errinundera's WC34 scorers:
10 carltu
6 rosaniel
4 scerberu
4 snaporoo
2 immelfar
2 isshare
1 matthieug

Tynelia-Tessan

25-04-2007, 14:02

Gina Gibbons: Hello everyone and welcome to Coach Chat, a regular feature of Tynelian News Network’s sports programming. Today its soccer time as we welcome back our regulars former Tynelian national coaches Adam Billington, Jim Tudor and Marcus O’Meara. And after today’s disappointing 1-1 draw with East Lithuania everyone has their calculators out to try and figure things out now.

Tudor: Actually this may not be as much of a surprise as you might think Gina. In my day there was always one low ranked nation with minimal press coverage that for some reason we could never beat. Our 0-1-1 record against East Lithuania just continues that trend.

Billington: Yeah, I managed to avoid it during my tenure but this was a very poor time for it to return in my opinion. There’s still four teams alive now.

O’Meara: <loudly> Oh if only we could pull off results like this when I was coaching, stealing points from top ranked teams at will. Back in my day, ranking decided everything. Low ranked teams were lucky to get one draw off a top three team in the group and were happy about it. Now you have all these infant squads barely out of their international diapers beating anyone and everyone out there!

Gibbons: OK then. It looked like things were going well when Mia Thompson scored her second of the qualifiers to give Tynelia a quick 1-0 lead in minute 11. But unfortunately the defense couldn’t hold it as the equalizer went in at minute 39. After a scoreless second half Tynelia finds itself still in second but not out of the woods yet with a tough one against Yafor 2 who trails us by only a point. At least this one is at home.

Billington: Yes that will be a help, and with it being at the PC there should be a large crowd of Tynelian Towel waving fans cheering the Hippos on.

Tudor: it will be interesting to see if Yafor 2 can keep up the momentum from their 1 all draw with Commerce Heights or if there will be a let down. And don’t count our Rorysville despite their upset loss to UIE

O’Meara: <snoring having fallen asleep after his rant>

Gibbons: The bright side is because of today’s results at least we control our own destiny.

Tudor: To a point, yes if we win or draw we advance but I’d much rather take the win and ensure we advance directly. A draw and a Rorysville win should get us across too since we have almost a 10 goal differential edge on them, but a win will give us much more momentum.

Billington: But if we lose and Rorsyville wins then we’re out of it completely and that will be a bitter pill for Coach Masterson and the team to swallow and last Cup’s qualification and the fact that only two matchdays ago we were in first place in the group. The team is definitely stumbling down the stretch with a 0-2-1 mark its last three matches. We need a win or I think our stay in the group stages will be short.

O’Meara: ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZ….

Gibbons: So you think we’re in trouble then? The team started out good enough, maybe this is what will turn things around for us? We can still win the group after all.

Billington: Well the team had better hope so. We have the home field edge and many felt that it would come down to us and Yafor 2 for the second spot. Just Rorysville’s hanging around has but everything in danger for us. Yeah we can take first if we win and CH loses but let’s worry about getting in not where we’re in at.

Tudor: I believe this may be the first qualification for Rorysville as well if they make it this time. I’m sure they will be scoreboard watching during their match. Our history has shown us to be very accommodating to lower ranked teams who never qualified before. Quakmybush and Az-cz to name a couple. I hope history doesn’t repeat itself once more.

O’Meara :<stirs himself and awakens> History you say? Well at 79 years old let me tell you I have a lot of history to talk about. Why back in the day we only had one stadium to play in and…

Gibbons: Sorry Coach O’Meara, we’re out of time for today. But you can tell us the story after we get off the air I’m sure its quite fascinating.

<Billington rolls his eyes>

O’Meara: Oh very well, I’m sure our fans would like to hear it though, maybe I’ll safe it for next show.

Tudor: Smashing good idea old chap. <hoping O'Meara forgets by then>

Gibbons: Well ok then, that’s it for Coach Chat on TNN here today. To qualify or not to qualify. That’s the question facing Tynelia in its final match of the group qualifiers. Along with Coaches Adam Billington, Jim Tudor and Marcus O’Meara we’ll all be finding out together. Until next time.

Qazox

25-04-2007, 15:41

Its over again.

Despite a 2-0 win over Algal states, too many lost oppertunities for Qazox, due ties that should have been wins and losses that should have been ties, The Black Oxen will not once again be advancing to the World Cup, and will not be in the Playoffs.

Perhaps bring back too many old legs was the cause, or perhaps is was too much overconfidence, but this failure to qualify just proves that Qazox is just still not yet ready to assume its place amongst the elite.

WHat changes over the next 4 years will happen for the Black Oxen and can they once again get back into the Cup? Or will they continue to slip back into the oblivion they once were?

Acapais

25-04-2007, 18:59

World Cup Qualifying – MD13

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/acapais.png Acapais : Milchama http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/milchama.png
1:1 (1:1)

Match Report:

Vaygr Field, Edgewood, Acapais – Acapais’s second to last match of the World Cup Qualifying campaign for World Cup 34 was against Milchama and ended in a 1-1 draw Tuesday night. This match was one that decided Acapais's fate... to some extent. The draw forced Bostopia out of any qualification and secured Acapais at least a playoff spot. This is the fifth draw in all WCQ fixtures for Acapais. The Hearts are currently in third place after eleven matches and with twenty points. The leaders of group 10, Milchama, have twenty-two points. Rejistania also has twenty points and are sitting in second because of a superior goal differance. This means for MD14 a draw against Rejistania would do Acapais no good if they wanted a top two spot.

Acapais national football team has been in spectacular form as of lately. Jose started as usual and was replaced late in the second half by Jones. ‘Super Sub,’ Graham Atwater, replaced Duke in the middle of the second half. Another assist by Van Savage only increases his National team record. The goal scored by Duke was the fifth of his career. Another corner kick header proved that Acapais is a superior set piece team. Poor goalkeeping by Dickenson led to the goal by Milchama's Keffer.

Although it was not the most ideal outcome for Acapais, it did however ensure at least one more game after the final WCQ MD.

Critics say that if Acapais want to advance to the World Cup proper, “we need to win this last match. If we were to fall to just a playoff spot the chances of us winning that match are low. The other third place nations are rather strong compared to Rejistania. We need to take advantage now as opposed to waiting for a 'do or die' game.”

Scoring:
Acapais – Duke (Van Savage) 20
Milchama – Keffer (Belmowitz) 33

Acapais Starting Lineup:
1 - Matthew Dickenson (GK)
2 - Shane Murphy (C)
6 - Robert Hernandez
3 - Nick McKellar
10 - Shaurabh Nandy (13 - Jeremy Davis) 78
4 - Craig Robicheaux
5 - Salvador Salazar
7 - Dom'onic Duke (15 - Graham Atwater) 68
8 - Alex McKellar
9 - Oscer Van Savage
11 – Ricardo Jose (17 – Deshawn Jones) 81

Scenarios for Group 10 for Final Match Day

MD14 Fixtures
Acapais v Rejistania
Milchama v Sativaville
Bostopia v Kingsford

Rejistania will automatically qualify with
*A win OR draw

Rejistania will get the playoff spot with
*A loss

Acapais will automatically qualify with
*A win

Acapais will get the playoff spot with
*A loss OR draw

Milchama has automatically qualified.
Bostopia, Sativaville, Kingsford, and Nerotika have been eliminated.

-----------------------------------------------
Acapais RP Threads
Roster Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12478731&postcount=9)
Acapais PreWC Press Conference (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12491022&postcount=23)
Acapais v Sel Appa Friendly (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12492699&postcount=26)
WCQ Draw (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12535022&postcount=19)
MD2 pre-game (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12541262&postcount=56)
Bostopia - MD2 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12543949&postcount=84)
Sativaville - MD3 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12547865&postcount=118)
Kingsford - MD4 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12550431&postcount=139)
Nerotika - MD5 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12554560&postcount=167)
BYE - MD8 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12564963&postcount=240)
Kingsford – MD11 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12573602&postcount=288)
Nerotika – MD12 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12578814&postcount=316)
Milchama – MD13

Zwangzug

25-04-2007, 23:35

Zwangzug's e-Lipogram
Luck continuing on Matchday 13
Zwangzug's national football squad won 3-2 against a squad against which it surprisingly lost its last matchup. "Ghostly" would fit its quality of play: Olson got two goals in a sixth of an hour prior to its first. That was all for half 1. Maughum had a goal of his own in half 2: later, that ghostly group got a 2nd.

Zwangzug will now host Group 7's bottom, an island squad from St Paul. A win and it could go to a playoff match: or possibly qualify if Qazox wins. A draw and Qazox win will probably also put Zwangzug's squad in a playoff match. A win for Algal's union and Zwangzug loss? Things look hard to rank: Group 7's playoff spot could fall to who wins on goal subtractions. But hoping that math will work it all out, as always, Zwangzug is hoping too for a victory.

Cafundeu

26-04-2007, 01:16

O JUTENSE NEWSPAPER – ASSOCIATED WITH GLOBO MULTIMEDIA

WORLD CUP 34 QUALIFIERS COVERAGE
Match Report written by O Jutense editor, Milene Escobar
With phrases and images from Globo Multimedia’s coverage, commented by Breno Gavião

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

TEAM NEEDS JUST A DRAW TO QUALIFY, AFTER A GREAT DAY FOR IJAK

http://img339.imageshack.us/img339/4813/ac2kt5.jpg
Falcus battles for ball in the midfield

In the second game against the Atheists in the group stage of the World Cup qualifiers, Cafundéu could repeat the good performance and defeated the opponents by a large result. The victory of eight against three was conquered after a game full of attacks, but surely the Monopolists played better and could score in most opportunities. This result is surely the largest one of the whole Cafundéu history in international games.

With the result, Cafundéu is now with seven victories and in the second position, but with the same number of points of Fmjphoenix. Coincidentally, the last game of Cafundéu in the group will be against Fmjphoenix, at home in Dunboor. The team only needs a draw to end in the second place and go to the World Cup for the third time in its history.

THE GAME
The players were concentrated in the game, as both teams had chances to qualify. The only strange things were that Hunt wasn’t wearing any clothes and Miller was using some strange equipments to play. But Cafundéu decided to ignore these strange habits of the opponents and played with will, as a victory would put the team in a very good situation.

Fighting against an attack minded team, David Nefasto decided to bet on the counterattacks, and they proved to be an important weapon in the game. In one of the first plays of the game, Becão took the ball from Hunt and passed it to Anormal. The midfielder ran to the attack and crossed the ball to the area. Ijak appeared behind Mitchell to head the ball and score the first goal of the game on the fifth minute. Read Breno Gavião:

“Atheistic Rrrrrright attacks with the naked player. Becão with a good tackle, starrrrrts the counterrrrrattack passing to Anorrrrrmal. He’s rrrrrrunning fast, rrrrreaches the attack. He crrrrrrosses, Ijak appears... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Prepare your hearts for the replay! Ijak, number nine! Cafundéu one, Atheistic Rrrrright zero!”

But the hosts didn’t want to lose the game in front of their supporters, and attacked without thinking about the risks or possible counterattacks. For some minutes, Cafundéu had to hold the pressure with the defenders, but soon the opponents found a breach to score. Hunt received the ball from Miller, invaded the area and shot in the right side of Durepox’s goal to score. Durepox was a bit scared after seeing the naked player, and wasn’t fast enough to save the shot.

After scoring, the supporters of Atheistic Right were asking for more goals, so the team continued attacking. And this risky option prejudiced them, as Nefasto prepared the team to invest on counterattacks. After some minutes, Kliek received the ball in the midfield and passed it to Heitor. The attacker dribbled Carter and passed the ball to Ijak, who had just to shot to the goal. The attacker was so close to the goal that Edwards didn’t have time to move. Read Breno Gavião:

“Another attack that wasn’t successful for Atheistic Rrrrrright, and Cafundéu starts the rrrrreply. Covas to Kliek. Good pass to Heitor, beautiful drrrrribble against Carter. The ball goes to Ijak who shoots... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! The replay will come soon! Ijak, number nine! Cafundéu two, Atheistic Rrrrrright one! Need clean clothes? Buy the powered soap Ono! Your clothes will become cleaner than ever with Ono!”

Cafundéu’s counterattacks were really effective, and because of that the hosts were more cautious, although continued attacking in the last minutes of the first half. But it was Ganz Ijak’s day, and the attacker had a chance to show his ability still in the first half. Kirs made a long ranged pass directly to Ijak, who nutmegged Murphy and made a chip shot to score a great goal. The first half ended with the result of 3x1.

http://img367.imageshack.us/img367/9038/st1qc9.jpg
Cafundéu’s players on the bench

The Darwinists, having to win the game, were obligated to make changes in the team hoping for a better performance on the second half. Gibson entered in Carter’s place and Webb replaced a tired Miller. The second half started, and Cafundéu seemed motivated to score more goals. After ten minutes, Kliek passed the ball to Heitor from a free kick. The attacker shot from outside the area and scored the goal. Read Breno Gavião:

“Frrrrree kick to Cafundéu. Ijak was pushed by Cooper. Kliek will take it, and can shot dirrrrrectly to the goal. He goes to the ball... and passes it to Heitor! The attacker arranges the ball to his right foot, shoots... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Here comes the small replay! Heitor, number eleven! Cafundéu four, Atheistic Rrrrright one! A book for winners, for those who want money... “A thousand ways to earn vintéms”, available in the best bookstores!”

Suffering the fourth goal, Atheistic Right had no other choice than attacking. Using all its offensive power, the host team pressed Cafundéu. In one attack, Hunt invaded the area, but Durepox got the ball with a slide. The Monopolists replied with Falcus, who was going to invade the area, but was fouled. Kliek took the free kick, and the ball went perfectly to the left side of the goal.

Winning by a good margin, the visitors continued attacking, and soon reached the sixth goal. This time, Ijak invaded the area after receiving the ball from Covas, and passed it to Anormal, who shot as soon as he got the ball and scoring the goal. After three minutes, the Darwinists could score their second goal. Rogers took a corner kick, and Murphy jumped more than Becão and Sávio Ferrari, heading the ball and scoring the goal.

Surely the result wasn’t good for Atheistic Right, but clearly they weren’t expecting to suffer the seventh goal, which came after some minutes. Priotto passed the ball to Heitor, who invaded the area. The attacker was going to shoot when Cooper fouled him. The defender was sent off. Ijak was the one to take the penalty kick, and he put the ball in the opposite side of the goalkeeper, scoring one more goal for Cafundéu. Read Breno Gavião:

“Prrrrriotto sees Heitor near the arrrrrea, and the ball goes to the A.F.F. attacker. He invades the arrrrrea, a grrrrreat chance to scorrrrre, will shoot... foul! Penalty! Cooper will rrrrreceive a card. Yellow card, his second! He is sent off! Ganz Ijak prrrrrepares to take the penalty kick... and it’s a goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Ijak, number nine! Cafundéu seven, Atheistic Right two!”

At that time the result was the same of the first game, but more goals were scoring in the injury time. First, Stewart got the ball near the area and shot from distance, scoring the goal. But after only one minute, Barbosa passed the ball to Kliek, who dribbled two defenders and shot the ball, which hit the post, the goalkeeper’s head and then entered inside the goal.

AFTER THE GAME
Of course this was a very exciting game, and the coach David Nefasto didn’t hide his happiness: “Eight goals... unbelievable. I thought that this was going to be a difficult game with a close result, but in the end the players could prove that I underestimated them. Now, we’ll battle for a draw or a win against Fmjphoenix.” Kliek said: “Today I performed really well, so I’m really proud of my assistances and, of course, of my goals.”

The man of the match, Ganz Ijak, scored four goals, and talked with the media: “This was truly one of the best games that I played in all my eighteen years of career. I couldn’t believe that I scored four goals, but now I know that I’m still able to play well. There is one game left, so I can score more.” The goalkeeper Durepox said: “That naked attacker was really a bad view.”

http://img401.imageshack.us/img401/4950/ac1wo4.jpg
Kliek against an opponent

ATHEISTIC RIGHT 3x8 CAFUNDÉU

Place: unknown, in Atheistic Right.
Attendance: unknown.
Referee: Timothy Hampseden (Milchama).
MOTM: Ganz Ijak (Cafundéu).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/atheistic_right.png ATHEISTIC RIGHT: Edwards, Murphy, Cooper and Mitchell; Carter (Gibson 45’), Rogers (James 76’) and Stewart; Wright, Jackson, Hunt and Miller (Webb 45’).
Coach: that person on the bench.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Durepox, Covas, Kirs (Barbosa 60’), Becão and Sávio Ferrari; Anormal, Priotto, Falcus and Kliek; Heitor (Alemão 80’) and Ijak.
Coach: David Nefasto.

Goals:ATR: Hunt 23’ , Murphy 73’ , Stewart 90’.
CAF: Ijak 5’/27’/32’/79’ , Heitor 56’ , Kliek 61’/91’ , Anormal 70’.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cafundéu – formation for match against Fmjphoenix: Durepox, Léo Mattos, Kirs, Becão and Sávio Ferrari; Anormal, Priotto, Falcus and Kliek; Heitor and Ijak.
Coach: David Nefasto
Style of +2

Match’s Referee: Ralf Ervas (Tynelia).

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Goalscorers after 11 Rounds:

14- G. Ijak
7- Heitor
5- Anormal
4- R. Kliek
3- Becão
2- Renário and Dário
1- R. Kirs, C. Falcus and M. Priotto

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

PAI DINAH SAYS

LAST PART OF THE PREDICTIONS OF THE SPIRITUAL MEDIUM FROM CAFUNDÉU

About... GROUP 5:

“It’s our group. There were many warriors, I think that they were crusaders, but now they’re far behind from the leaders. A monkey has just fallen, and now there are only three competitiors. One has just left the place, but the other two, a businessman and a phoenix, are still battling to go to the same place of the other one.”

About... GROUP 9:

“A desert. There is an oasis far ahead, but two people are already there. There is space left, but most of the competitors already succumbed to the difficult games. There are only two competitors left, and they’ll play looking at the other one’s game.”

Turruth Gordur

26-04-2007, 02:53

From the desk of Gorgol "The Butcher" Harad:

Someone once said that hope is faith holding out its hand in the dark. We plan to trap hope and faith and sacrifice their supple, young bodies at the altar of the void. Turruth Gordur is preparing to unleash a depth of horror beyond Hell. After visiting the Timorlug Dome, those foolish monks of The Archregimancy will never be the same. We will inflict every conceivable scar on them: physical, psychological, mental and everything in between. And, this time, there won't be any stupidity that will lead to the ejection of all my players. This time The Archregimancy will have to deal with the terror of facing us and suffering pain.
Turruth Gordur shall not be moved!

Sel Appa

26-04-2007, 03:45

Turtles slated to take the group

The Turtles are slated to take the top of the group over favorite Jeruselem. After Jeruselem lost to those pesky Schorisalamians as needed, Sel Appa just needs to defeat those same unspellables to take the group. Or they could draw if Jeruselem draws or loses. This marks an interesting moment in Sel Appa's fifth Cup run. Will the daring Turtles, an often underrespected team, pull it off? Probably, say most Sel Appans. Even Coach DuPont is quite optimistic about it, but is prepping the team for both for anything and asking them to do their best and not get cocky. Jeruselem plays the insane Raging Penguins, who have not seen a good qualifiers this round. Most Sel Appans are hoping the Penguins do something devious and cause Jeruselem to lose. However, as long as Sel Appa wins its match, no one really cares what Jeruselem does.

Sel Appa is already set to qualify automatically but what will happen at the Cup? Sel Appa surprised many last Cup by making it to the Round of 16, but losing to Demot. This time, prospects are greater and Sel Appa may get to the Quaterfinals, or even better. Could the Turtles stun the world and take the title? Yes, but it is quite unlikely. Although they have quickly risen through the ranks, they still hold at 31st and that just isn't good enough to face the likes of the higher ranked nations, such as Bettia. Even Coach DuPont says "It's not our time yet." Nevertheless, anything can happen in football.

Quakmybush

26-04-2007, 04:27

The Daily Quak
Ink Shortage and Another Important Game

First of all, sorry about the extremely short article last week. The truck that was transporting all the ink crashed on its way to the building. Anyways, on to the important stuff. The Quakmybush soccer team continued its "effort" to make the 34th World Cup. The team played low-lives Lovisa and drew them. This puts the team's fate in their own hands. With a win over Northern Caesera they will advance into the World Cup. A point will guarentee a playoff, and it will take a major meltdown for the team not to get said playoff. The team is looking for the veterans of the team to step up, especially with Greg Hughes, who is in his last world cup. Tune into the game tomorrow night and cheer Quakmybush on.

The Archregimancy

26-04-2007, 05:27

THE MONASTIC TIMES

MONKS QUALIFY DESPITE LOSS
Squad Express Admiration for Coach's Ass

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

A 2-0 away win over Commerce Heights JSY two matchdays ago, thanks to two more goals from Fr. Silouan, was enough to qualify the Archregimancy's national football team for World Cup 34, despite last night's 2-1 home loss to Northern Bettia. The two Northern Bettian goals, both coming from highly disputed penalties, sandwiched a fine solo effort from Fr. Innocent of Ariddia.

With qualification assured, the squad have been openly expressing their admiration for Fr. David's controversial donkey-chasing training regime. "Fr. David has a fine ass" said team captain Fr. Constantine, before adding that it was "fit, trim, and well-muscled." The other squad members were quick to agree, stating that, indeed, Coach Fr. David had the finest ass the team had ever seen.

Attention now turns to the final qualifying match, against group 2 surprises Turruth Gordur, who have already clinched at least a playoff spot. With qualification assured, the Monastic Football Association is refusing to risk the life or health of any team member or supporter. Away travel for the match will be banned, and the team will be represented by Dream Simulacratm of the squad, as previously used by fellow Dreamed Realm nation the Holy Empire in World Cups 29-30 (or thereabouts). This of course means the team will not be actually physically present during a match for which the violent opposing heathens have promised to cause physical injury to our God-fearing monks.

Turori

26-04-2007, 06:10

http://www.3wideracing.com/3wide/sites/ao/turori/images/logo.gif

Strong Win leaves Fate in Turorian Hands

The Turori Eels answered their own call as they traveled to Turruth Gordur in what would become a must win match for Riailia Magic's side. After failing to impress in their defeat to the nation oddly infatuated with the Cocoabo in the first meeting between the two sides in Turori, the Eels made amends by coming away with all three points in a crucial clash in Turruth Gordur.

It was Draco Glaurung however who got on the board first, putting the home side 1-0 up after just 10 minutes. The goal sent 80,000 fans at the Timorlug Dome, a world-class facility worthy of international competition of this magnitude, into raptures. However, the Eels responded well and made sure that it would be the last moment of excitement for the home supporters. Zemloi Amafaira responded quickly on a great individual effort just after the kickoff, leveling the scores after leaving Assegai Developments based goalkeeper Gorbag Madril frozen as the ball was chipped well out of his reach.

Turori clearly held the momentum swing at this moment in the match, and once again began putting the pressure on their opponents from the restart. Cocoabo #25, making a rare appearance under Riailia Magic, who has preferred citizens over Cocoabo's for the majority of his reign at the helm, was controlling the play in the middle of the pitch, acting both as a strong defender in recovering the ball from the opposition, and as a fine distributor, finding the open players both on the wings and with a few cunning balls over the top towards the forwards. The Eels looked to have gotten the lead just on 30 minutes but the controversial flag came from the linesman long after Seu-Riaula Vinaviia had found the back of the net. Vinaviia would not be denied however, finally putting the Eels ahead in the match 5 minutes later after a Ceika Mlaka corner kick.

Turruth Gordur regrouped after the break and put a few shots in the direction of choice goalkeeper Tuia Miao's net, but against the run of play Zemloi Amafaira sealed the match with his second goal on the day. After safely catching an ambitious effort from Turruth Gordur substitute Mauhúr Muzgash, Miao played his role in the attack with a long ball straight up the center of the pitch in the direction of Amafaira. Turruth's Varg Vikernes, running backwards, made a crucial error in allowing the ball to bounce and could only watch in awe as it flew over his head with Amafaira in full stride in pursuit. Madril only made a half effort at stealing from the feet of Amafaira who was practically able to walk the ball into the net before turning in celebration with his teammates.

The victory keeps the Eels in the chase for World Cup 34 Qualification, however, an unfavorable result in The Archregimancy leaves a difficult task for the former Cup of Harmony champions. Northern Bettia's surprise victory over the group leaders means even a draw will be enough to keep Turori out of the finals altogether, without even the chance of advancing through the playoffs. Regardless of the outcome, the loser of the Northern Bettia-Turori matchup will be the team with the best record in qualification to miss the finals outright, and the Eels will certainly be looking not to disappoint the home fans in that regard. Victory for either team in an ironic final day matchup with everything on the line will secure at least a place in the playoffs, while automatic qualification can be achieved for the winner should The Archregimancy return to form against Turruth Gordur. Turori's home advantage is canceled out by the knowledge that a draw is not good enough, and the table is so close that a single goal in stoppage time could mean the difference between Direct Qualification and missing out altogether.

http://www.3wideracing.com/3wide/sites/ao/turori/images/turbot.gif

Alasdair I Frosticus

26-04-2007, 08:27

RP Cut Off

Scores/tables (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12582410&postcount=19)

Congratulations to the qualifiers, commiserations to the non-qualifiers.

As to playoffs.....

PLAYOFFS

Yafor 2 v. Green Wombat
Turruth Gordur v. Nedalia
Assegai Developments v. Quakmybush
The HURD v. Acapais
Errinundera v. Okielahoma
Ropa-Topia v. Fmjphoenix

All pairings were randomly drawn.

Playoffs are two-leg, starting tomorrow. Team listed first is the home team for the first leg.

Schiavonia

26-04-2007, 11:00

"Boss?"

"Yes, David?"

"You've posted the team up on the board for the Okielahoma game and... well... I'm not in it."

"That's right David."

"Surely that's some kind of mistake?"

"Of course not. It's just... well, after the run of performances you've been putting in lately, we thought you could do with the rest."

"Rest? But I'm as fresh as I ever was. And it's the last game for months until the finals!"

"Well... I..."

"There's more to it than that, isn't there?"

"Well... yes. We just think that you've been putting a bit too much effort into things lately."

"What?"

"Yes. The thing is, we've already qualified weeks ago, and you're still playing as if it's vital to the cause!"

"But... I..."

"And it's not very Schiavone, is it? We've got all that we need, so we should start to give something back."

"Are you suggesting that we deliberately lose our last game against Okielahoma?"

"Not as such, no. Just... make it easier for them."

"But surely that's not fair on all the other teams in the group? Especially Fort Europe, they've done so well to get into such a great position..."

"I know, but trust me, this is what it means to be Schiavone."

"What? So what happened to fairness? Just because you're being friendly, doesn't mean you're being fair!"

"Well, it's my decision, and it's final!"

"You're weird, you know that?"

"Get out, David. Go on."

- - - - -

The Schiavone Scribe
Unbeaten run ends!
Okielahoma 2-0 Schiavonia

Schiavonia's unbeaten qualifying run, stretching back to what seemed like the dawn of time (but was in fact eight years ago) is over after a tired looking Sloths side lost in Okielahoma.

The team was missing their star player from their last few games, David Jones, after he had apparently fallen out with team manager Tony Tarmey. And the inspiration behing big wins over BBQ and Fort Europe seemed to go with him.

It was as if the teams heart had stopped beating. The team looked lacklustre as they seemingly let Drew Harris through to score two of the easiest goals you're likely to see. Dare I say it, but it was alomost as if they weren't trying.

And so, the unbeaten qualifying run comes to an end. And our research has put the Sloths seventh in the all-time list of unbeaten qualifying runs. It leaves the next longest current run as that of Demot, on 16.

Sarzonia (WC22-25) 48
Turori (WC21-24) 43
Liverpool England (WC28-31) 42
Bedistan (WC23-26) 42
Runaway Moose (WC9-11, 13) 41
Starblaydia (WC28-31) 39
Schiavonia (WC32-34) 38
Jeruselem (WC31-33) 35
Gesamtkuntswerk (WC13-14) 35
Squornshelous (WC28-31) 33
Audioslavia (WC18-20) 33
Sarzonia (WC26-28) 31
Starblaydia (WC24-25) 31

Still, despite yesterday's blank, Schiavonia will pick up the Golden Boot for scoring the most goals this campaign, fifty in all.

Anyway, it's off to Ariddia or the Holy Empire next (we haven't had the draw yet, so we don't know which. Obviously.) Reports are that the SFF are looking for some friendly opponents before then, preferably against non-qualifiers for the finals. Another game against Fort Europe could definately be in the pipeline (if they can forgive us for our abject performance today).

- - - - -

David got home after sitting on the bench all game in Okielahoma. Not a pleasant experience. He put the radio on and started to cook some pasta.

"You're listening to SchiaSport Radio, and this is the Football Tonight Phone-In with Nicolai Ferreira. Next on the line is Jack, hello Jack."

"Hello there, Nic."

"And you've got something to say about the David Jones situation."

"Yes... you see, David... David, we've had a few setbacks. Luckily you've been doing well enough for it not to be a problem, but... well, let's just say it hasn't done your chances much good. You've got to sort this out and pull through."

David was getting used to it by now. He answered, knowing that he couldn't be heard.

"Oh, I'm pretty sure I will!"

Ropa-Topia

26-04-2007, 12:27

Playoffs again

Ropa-Topia's steak of finishing just below the qualifying spots continues as the team moves on to the playoffs. Coach Klungelaer is certain Ropa-Topia will make it to the World Cup this time though.

"We're playing Fmjphoenix," he said. "We've played against them before and we won. We will do that again of course."

OOC: Yep, it's short, but better than nothing.

Jeruselem

26-04-2007, 13:00

Screen splashes screen with words DazMania, and afterwards a small attractive redheaded woman wearing a flowery dresss in front of a weird looking set.

Dazza:
"Hi this is Dazza Dallas. This the first episode of DazMania presented by Razzle Media! Now, what is DazMania? It's just a version of QuizMania, but with a big difference. It's all about football. Anyone who is a QuizManiac should find our show easy to work out, the only real difference is the questions are all football related. Yes, and the hosts will be weird people as well because that's the way it should be otherwise you'd get bored and not ring up. Everything is pretty much the same so QuizManiacs from anywhere will not be lost. I'm going host his first show but don't expect me to be here regularly as I am a busy woman with all my football commitments. You'll meet all the hosts over time and they are all people with a bit of character. I will host the show once in a while but I can't tell you when. And other versions of Quizmania have those weird sound effects, but we don't. I find them far too annoying!"

"Ah, so what's Dazza's show going give away? Telephone cards? Drinks of high caffeine at extremely dangerous levels? No, football gear! This is a football show and well everything is football related. Let's get started! Our phrase for the first show is something Dazza, yes all about me. If you look at the tower here, our example is NAKED DAZZA. There's seven more answers with prize money but so please ring us on 1900 DAZMANIA. The answers are computer generated so I don't what they are, but watch out for Dazza's special answer later in the show. After this break, I'll be taking answers!"

<Later in the show>

Dazza: "I"ve got a 1000 shekels on my answer here. The next caller might win this and the quadripled prize money. Now's the time to score with Dazza! Err, well money wise. It's my money we are giving away here. Oh here's a caller."

Caller: Hi Dazza.
Dazza: What's your name?
Caller: Knobbie
Dazza: What's your answer there knobbie? (giggles). Funny name you have.

Caller: Umm, wet. Yeah, that's my answer.
Dazza: Good one there Knobbie, very naughty but it is correct? Wet Dazza - Sorry, it's not my answer but it is on the tower? Oh, sorry no. No wet Dazzas! I'm going give you a free Jeruselem World Cup signed football for your troubles. See ya! No, Dazza has not wet herself yet.

Dazza: We have another caller, who's there!
Caller: It's Rocky Pointy Stick.
Dazza: Well, what are you doing this time of the day. You should be asleep ready for training tomorrow there Rocky.

Caller: Well, I had just to watch this show. And you're looking good ... I'm with Rashina here.
Dazza: Thanks baby! OK Rocky baby, what's your answer? And no, it's not NAKED.
Caller: I think the answer is err horizontal.

Dazza: (looking at card) Well, let's see if Dazza is horizontal? (balloons start falling)
Caller: I won?
Dazza: Oh yeah! (does a bit of dancing) Yes Rocky, Dazza is horizontal and you've won 1000 shekels. Well done. I hope you're going spend that money on Rashina over there. I'm not going give you a free Jeruselem World Cup signed football because you are a member of the team. No getting horizontal now, you both have training tomorrow. Let's see if that's on the tower! Nope, bad luck there - no quadriple money but you win 1000 shekels.
Caller: Actually it was her answer. We'll be good children Dazza.

Dazza:
Just stay on the line, so they can get your details to send you the money! See people, it was an easy one. Horizontal Dazza, simple? I do spend most of life horizontal, but more than the average person and not always asleep or alone. Look we still have two answers left. I'm sure we can give away this money. Let's go to break!

<At the end of the show>

Dazza:
Well, I think this show has been a great success apart from my microphone tripping me over and landing me on my back - and showing the world what's under my skirt. From me and crew here, it's gone pretty well. Apologies for the temporary phone problems, as it was our first show. I'm going back to my day and night job but the other hosts will surely do a great job. DAZMANIA, it's QUIZMANIA but for the football fan. OK, crew - what's Dazza the Village Bike say?

Crew:
"ON YA BIKE"

Dazza: And one more thing! GO NEDALIA, pray they make the finals.

Tynelia

26-04-2007, 14:51

Gina Gibbons: Hello everyone and welcome to Coach Chat, a regular feature of Tynelian News Network’s sports programming. Today its soccer time as we welcome back our regulars former Tynelian national coaches Adam Billington, Jim Tudor and Marcus O’Meara. And with today’s uninspiring effort by both sides in Tynelia’s 0-0 draw with Yafor 2 combined with Rorysville’s surprise loss to West Pasco, Tynelia advances to the Cup proper. Not what anyone would have expected I don’t think.

O’Meara: Ah another 0-0 draw, its like the sound of music to these 74 year old ears. These last few matches bring me back to my younger days, when scoring a gol was a cause for celebration because we didn’t see them that often!

Billington: I’m sure the team would have liked to move on with a win and get some momentum but qualification is still qualification. Coach Masterson has some time to try and get things straightened out before the cup proper begins on the offensive side. Though the defense is in peak form and pretty much bailed the team out here.

Tudor: Well this was no doubt the toughest group from top to bottom. Just surviving is a good thing. Now they can start fresh. And I’d like to add this shows how important defense is to a team. I doubt any other team out there could say that despite scoring one goal in our last four matches combined we only got one loss and picked up three points to hang out to our qualification spot. Stossels, Marshall and MacDougal the youngest were outstanding these past few matches.

Gibbons: Do you think the team should be concerned that not only did Tynelia put up the fewest points of any of the directly advancing teams but also most of the playoff teams as well? Will this be a bad sign for the cup proper?

Tudor: It might very well prove to be an issue, but I think a favorable one.

Billington: What do you mean Jim? They’re lucky to get that far and we all know it.

Tudor: My point exactly Adam. Last time we qualified on a long winning streak, early clinching and first in the group. Then the team fizzled after its initial upset of Krytenia. This time, they had to fight to the bitter end and a lot of people will be giving them little to no chance of doing anything in the Cup proper. No expectations means no pressure which is the perfect way to sneak up on people. And as you know, its tough to lose if you’re not allowing the other team to score.

O’Meara: Yes indeed, we’ll ride our way to the cup on three 0-0 draws I tell you. The best matches, when any mistake can be fatal. Ah the good old days.

Gibbons: So you think the team will be OK in the Cup? Or will this be another early exit?

Tudor: I think it will depend on the groups once they are announced. Last time through we ended up with one of the toughest groups and still managed to get a win. If the set up this time around is a bit kinder we may very well move to the knockouts.

Billington: Of course, catching breaks isn’t usually a Tynelian strongpoint.

O’Meara: You make your own breaks in this sport Adam! And why would anyone want to catch them from someone else? A broken leg, broken arm and you’re done! Nosirree no breaks here, we do things the Tynelian way and that’s with Bettia, Jerusalem and Squornshelous in our group. Take’em out early!

Billington: Don’t give the hosts any ideas coach.

Gibbons: Well I guess we’ll all just have to take a collective sigh of relief and enjoy the fact that Tynelia has now advanced for the second cup in a row. With a bit of relief we can watch the playoffs and not worry about the results for a while. After that its up to the luck of the draw. So until then this is Gina Gibbons for Coach Chat on TNN. As always I’d like to thank today’s coaches Adam Billington, Jim Tudor and Marcus O’Meara for joining me here today on the show. Now lets take it back to the newsdesk…

Northern Bettia

26-04-2007, 15:25

The Anyuna Observer: Cocoabo recipe special on page 15
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y231/bettia/nbet-badge.gif
The Dish of the Day

Turori..........................0
Northern Bettia..........3 (Hiyashibara 29 67, Megumi 44)

Well folks, the Fire Ants have done it again! Two World Cups entered, two World Cups qualified for - and boy did they have a mountain to climb to get there. Indeed, upon seeing the fixture list, many people's reaction was 'Ooh bugger'. An away trip to The Archregimancy followed by another away game, this time at Turori? It certainly wasn't ideal, and after the losses suffered to Holweg and Turruth Gordur coupled with the remarkable form of Harad's 'men', these two games suddenly became an even more difficult prospect. However, hopes were buoyed by their shock win against the footballing monks, and so the Fire Ants travelled to Turori, a team which had already turned them over at home, looking for any kind of positive result. A defeat would have seen Northern Bettia crashing out altogther. On the flip side, a draw or win coupled with a Turruth Gordur defeat would have seen them progress to the finals automatically. It was up to the boys to get the result they wanted, and hope The Archregimancy would do these sinners a favour.

As expected, Northern Bettian fans turned up in their thousands, mostly because of the enormity of this occasion, but also hoping to make something of the rivalry that already exists between Turori and our master nation Bettia. In fact, some Fire Ants fans tried to ingratiate themselves with the locals, but obviously didn't do a very good job of it.

http://212.77.178.138/2006//user/72316/vorschau/72316_167929.jpg

And so to the match itself. Both teams fielded full strength teams, which for Northern Bettia at this stage of the campaign was something of a miracle. It would seem that, after some major blips earlier in the competition, they were finally finally starting to make their unique system work for them, and they certainly wasted no time in implimenting it. Some wry and subtle play-acting saw a rash of yellow cards being shown to the home side, and the odd niggly tackle meant that any Eel lingering on the ball too long was suitably punished.

Having rattled their opponents, Northern Bettia soon gained the numerical advantage they were looking for. After tussling a little too whole-heartedly for the ball, Yanni Negima and Seu-Riaula Vinaviia squared up to each other after the free-kick was awarded Northern Bettia's way. As they went eyeball-to-eyeball, Negima suddenly collapsed to the ground clutching his face. Faced by this apparent headbutt, the referee didn't hesitate in sending Vinaviia off despite his protestations of innocence.

Northern Bettia went ahead just before the half-hour mark after a typically quick run down the wing by Sakasayou, a player who has certainly enjoyed this world cup so far having only picked up one booking - a quite remarkable feat for one who seemed to have trouble staying on the pitch during WC33. Having drawn Liamala and Cocoabo #5 towards him, he looked up and spotted fellow Bettian-based player Ola Hiysahibara making a break down the centre. He drilled the ball into the centre of the penalty area, and Hiyashibara did the rest, poking the ball past Cocoabo #1 to put the visitors ahead.

Having had his feathers ruffled, the hapless flightless bird then gifted the Fire Ants their second goal on the stroke of half-time. Northern Bettia were awarded a corner after the ball came off Nutaha's foot during a 50/50 challenge with Paul Iyopa. Dan Kyobu swung the corner high into the goal area and the goalkeeper looked to have had it covered. However, he literally flapped at it and the ball dropped to the ground unguarded, leaving Marcus Megumi with the easiest of tap-ins.

The second half saw Turori come out with a much more determined attitude, and they pressed hard in the early stages in search of a way back into this game. Their best chance came on 64 minutes when their remaining lone striker Amafaira saw a 25-yard cracking shot ricochet off the crossbar, with Cocoabo #29 blazing the rebound narrowly wide. They were soon made to pay for that wasted opportunity as Sakasayou and Kyobu combined well to set up a swift counter-attack. Sakasayou found Hiyashibara with an early ball that was timed to perfection, and the Akani Sands striekr was able to sidestep the keepe with his first touch and walk the ball into the back of the net to claim his brace.

to their credit, Turori didn't give up and Northern Bettia were made to work hard for their vital win. the home team thought that had grabbed a late lifeline on 81 minutes, but Mlaka's well-taken goal was thwarted by the linesman's flag being raised for a marginal offside.

The final whistle was greeted by wild celebrations on the pitch and in the stands as news filtered through of The Archregimancy's stunning 5-1 win away to Turruth Gordur, meaning that Northern Bettia had qualified for their second straight World Cup finals, and this time without the ordeal of a playoff.

Will the Fire Ants be drawn against the Aroras? We shall soon find out...

Fixtures / Results

MD..OPPONENT...............VENUE...RESULT

Qualifying Group 2

01: Commerce Heights JSY...HOME....L 0-1
02: Holweg.................Away....W 4-0
03: Turruth Gordur.........HOME....W 4-2
04: BYE
05: Mekhule................Away....W 5-2
06: The Archregimancy......HOME....W 3-1
07: Turori.................HOME....L 0-2
08: Commerce Heights JSY...Away....W 3-1
09: Holweg.................HOME....L 1-2
10: Turruth Gordur.........Away....L 1-3
11: BYE
12: Mekhule................HOME....W 7-0
13: The Archregimancy......Away....W 2-1
14: Turori.................Away....W 3-0

Bettia

26-04-2007, 16:59

Penultimate It's like something that's almost ultimate.

The New Bettian Dictionary for Idiots was never going to win awards for its usefulness, but as far as matchday 13 was concerned with regards to the final outcome of Group 3, it said a lot. Twas the day when Bettia hosted Northern Caesaria in a top of the table clash. Thanks to some late night jitters, both teams had failed to take the initiative and remained locked equal on points with the Aroras edging ahead on goal difference. A win would see Bettia all but guarantee top spot in the group... and lo and behold, they did.

So, that means the last matchday means nothing to the good folk of Bettia? That they can just relax while the Aroras wheeled out their over-60's team for their now-meaningless game against Lovisa?

Not on your nelly.

The build-up was still as fevered as ever, the Aroras still played out of their skins and attacked at every opportunity, and the fans still packed the various vantage points through the country. As usual, the clientele of the Pie and Pixie were making the most of Bettia's stroll in the park, making a cacophony of noise as they got behind their team 100%. Every shot was "Oooh!"ed, every pass "Olé!"ed, every tackle cheered, every goal celebrated as if it were the World Cup final itself. And of course, every dodgy refereeing decision was met by a chorus of boos and jeers, none more so when Sonny Sabitha was denied a second goal thanks to a dubious offside decision.

"Offside?! Oh, you're having a laugh, aintcha?" Fat Evan yelled in between mouthfuls of apple crumble.

"Oh come on ref, that was never offside!" Ali yelled from his usual spot behind the counter.

"Yeah, that was not off his side. That was nowhere near his side - that came off his foot!" Fatarani joined in from her own usual position sat next to Ali cross-legged in mid-air, trying desperately to make it look as though she knew what she was talking about. Rhys turned around and looked at her.

"No Rani, that's not what offside means."

"Oh. So what does it mean then?" she asked as she floated over to his table.

"Well, um... offside is when a player is nearer to his opponents' goal line than both the ball and the second to last opponent." he explained. Fatarani's face suddenly wore an expression of 'what the hell are you on about?'

"I don't understand."

"I wouldn't expect you to - it's pretty complicated, and after all, you are only a child."

"I'm not a child, I'm 237 years old!" Fatarani pouted.

Rhys set about clearing some space on the table and grabbing some accessories, trying his best not to laugh.

"Right, these teacups are the goal, right?"

"Uh-huh!" Fatarani nodded.

"And this little joker here is the goalkeeper." he said, nicking a scone from Fat Evan's plate and placing it between the goalposts.

"Right."

"And this is a defender." he said, carefully positioning a sugar bowl at the opposite end of the table.

"Okay."

"And this is an attacker." he said pointing to a clear plastic menu stand.

"Ooh, which attacker is that? Is that Peri Busilanta? I like him!" Fatarani giggled.

"Sure, whatever, it's Peri Busilanta. And this sugar cube is the ball."

"That's a rubbish ball. It's all square and pointy. How does it roll?"

"Never mind that. Now pay attention." he said as he positioned little Peri so that the defender was in between him and the goal. "Now then, here he's NOT offside because he's got two opponents between him and the goal line. See, the sugar bowl and the scone?"

"Yep!" she nodded. Rhys continued by moving Mr Busilanta so that he was now front of the sugar bowl defender, then took the square ball and moved it through the air as though it had just been crossed by an invisible player.

"Okay, NOW the player is offside because he's in front of the defender."

"Oh. So what happens if it's someone else, like a Lovisa playey-bloke?"

"Same thing happens. If he's in front of the second-to-last defender..."

"The sugar bowl."

"Yes, the sugar bowl, then he's offside."

"Oooh, let me try!" she squealed as she positioned the menu stand in front of the sugar bowl, then moved the sugar cube about in the air. "Wheeee!" Then she looked up at the screen and gave a little groan of disappointment.

"What's the matter?"

"I've moved the menu stand in front of the sugar bowl and moved the sugar cube forwards, but look up there - the Lovisa player's still playing. He's offside ref! OFFSIDE!!!!" she shouted as she top of her lungs, or whatever passes for lungs in a 237-year old Ifrit's body.

Fat Evan and Rhys looked at each other and groaned.

"Sheesh. Looks like it ain't just human women who don't understand offside."

Fixtures / Results

MD..OPPONENT................VENUE...RESULT

Qualifying Group 3

01: Kiryu-Shi...............HOME....W 7-1
02: BYE
03: Quakmybush..............Away....L 1-3
04: Gnejs...................Away....W 5-2
05: Estresse Intenso........HOME....W 5-2
06: Northern Caesarea.......Away....W 3-2
07: Lovisa..................HOME....W 4-2
08: Kiryu-Shi...............Away....W 6-4
09: Az-cz...................HOME....W 3-2 (Friendly)
10: Quakmybush..............HOME....W 5-2
11: Gnejs...................HOME....D 1-1
12: Estresse Intenso........Away....D 0-0
13: Northern Caesarea.......HOME....W 4-2
14: Lovisa..................Away....W 6-1

Wentland

26-04-2007, 20:41

Norman Hacker ripped into his team after the defeat to Swilatia. "You may have qualified but that was RUBBISH...you looked lethargic...what's up with you??? You were playing like a bunch of old women..."

A lightbulb popped in his head.

"Women! You're not still moping about those floozies, are you? They've only got a couple of games left. They were nearly home already, just holding on for a draw..."

"Can't help it, boss. I'm missing my Sammie. "

"Yeah, and I'm missing my KC. "

"And I'm missing my Gertie. "

"Gertie?"

"Yeah, that piece of Archiereg ass. "

"Whatever, Graham. But you're not exactly inexperienced at this, are you? Didn't you go to that club? They said they had the best Pole dancers around. "

"Yeah, and all they did was the mazurka with names like Wladwycz. Bloody daft. "

Carboni

26-04-2007, 22:04

(ooc: this is an Errinundrian RP)

Diary of an Errinundrian Football Tragic from Carboni

View 3 v Bola Mine 0

Many people say that the city of Bola Mine has the best view in all of Errinundera. From almost anywhere in this anomalous place you can see clear across the steep Goolengook River Valley to the vast mass of the snow-capped Mount Ellery. The city itself is quite dull. It’s as if the Bolas don’t bother prettying up the place because no-one would notice anyway. What’s the point? Everybody’s looking at the view.

The province of Goolengook and all the surrounding provinces are densely forested and the vast majority of people live in trees. Not Bola Mine though. All the trees were chopped down years ago to fuel the mine. People live in normal houses. Mind you, it’s still not a normal city – there are no cars and no roads.

Art 3 v Alcohol 3

All the pubs in Bola Mine are run by a central authority fully owned by the citizens of the city through the Mayor’s office. Just a run-of-the-mill socialist set up you may say. It’s much more interesting than that. All the profits, and the pubs do very nicely thank you, are given to the Bola Mines Art Foundation. From this cornucopia the city funds a symphony orchestra, the nations most highly regarded opera company, 2 major art galleries and 3 theatre companies.

In this city drunks are heroes. You also have the marvellous satisfaction of knowing, as you get blotto, that you are a pillar of the community and a patron of the arts.

Glenferrie 3 v Doubters 0

Today’s match against Vilita is the first ever to be played at the newly completed Glenferrie stadium. When the first sods were turned people everywhere were sceptical – Bola Mine was a second division side. A 53,000 seat world class stadium could not be justified. With the mine reaping in the lucre for the city they had money to burn. By the time the stadium was completed the Hawks had arrived in Premier League with a bullet.

Interest in the match was especially keen for two reasons. The evergreen archangel rosaniel has finally announced quer decision to retire, to take effect at the end of the World Cup 34 campaign. With the details of the play-off series only finalised on the day of the match, many felt this was the last chance to see quer play in the potoroo colours. It has since been revealed that one of the play-off matches will be in Frosty Hollow.

The other reason was the remarkable feat of up and coming star, scerberu, where she kicked a hat trick in 7 minutes of play in the previous match against Swilatia. Needless to say the place was packed to the rafters.

Errinundera 3 v Vilita 0

With the game a dead rubber, the EFA rested several senior players including carltu who has been the teams #1 striker in World Cup 34 qualifying. Even so, the potoroos dominated the 90 minutes of play. There were no serious shots on goal by the visitors whereas the home side peppered away. It is a credit to the Vilita goalkeeper and their defenders that only 3 goals were conceded. The goals were scored by rosaniel (16), snaporoo (37) and the young midfielder aptai (49).

It is interesting to note that Errinundera did not lose a game to either of the group 4 automatic qualifiers Vilita and Wentland. All the potoroo losses were to low ranked teams. It’s no-one’s fault other than the potoroos themselves. It’s not as if some otherworldly creature is randomly generating scores. Errinundera may yet rue those lapses of form.

The potoroos (the 3rd placed team with the most points) will be playing Okielahoma (the 3rd placed team with the fewest points) in the play offs. The EFA has just announced that the first leg will be played in Frosty Hollow.

Zwangzug

26-04-2007, 22:39

Zwangzug's e-Lipogram
Having a Hat (or two) Is Happy

A symbolically full circular motion for Zwangzug's national football squad has put it into World Cup 34 (officially: not just qualification). Not so long ago, looking for hap was its goal. Now, it got 5 goals in a match (that it won, 5-2).

This match's first goal was from Phillip Stings, with an innocuous goal from Olson following. A forward from St. Paul's squad got a short goal, but Yul Maughum's blast had half 1 finish 3-1.

Again, Olson's scoring, such as his goal to start off half two, was dominant. Though Saint Paul got a 2nd half goal too, Olson's last of that thrilling match had it wind up as 5-2, Zwangzug. It was Olson's 2nd hat trick, his first coming against Qazox.

Just last cup, Olson was an anomaly: a man with football capability from Zwangzug. Today, Olson is a goalscoring forward on a squad that's going to World Cup 34.

For information about football, click (http://lipogram.zz/sports/wc?list) to find out all about this sport (as its fans call it) from A through D and F through Z. To find out about it from 1-64, click this (http://#.lipogram.zz/sports/wc?list).

Acapais

26-04-2007, 23:05

James: "Gosh, I just don't understand how we blew a 2 goal halftime lead. We had it Van Savage and Salazar were on top of their game, and Dickenson made some fantastic saves."

Alex: "Easy answer for that. Robert Hernandez. He got beat in the air twice and caused the final penalty. He is so hot and cold. Keswani should realize that his inconsistency should put him on the bench."

"Yeah but that other team Rejistania is just so good. I think we just got outplayed. It was not the fault of the players."

"Because we got outplayed is the reason we fault the players. Our fate now lies in a playoff against The HURD."

"Sure is too bad we know nothing about this nation. We have never played them before."

"Well, we know that they got third in their group. Third that is to Jeruselem and Sel Appa, two international powerhouses. These guys from The HURD are going to come for us."

"Geez, I hate how new to international competition we are."

"The good news is that they are coming off two losses and two draws, whereas we have come off three wins, one draw, and one loss. Their confidence is in the pits right now."

"I sure hope we can make some magic on Thursday night. Do you think Keswani will bench Hernandez?"

"I think he should, but I think he won't. He will probably take a gamble on his form instead of playing it safe for the away leg. Well, I gotta go help the Mrs. with some errands. Later mate."

"Peace out."

Cafundeu

27-04-2007, 02:11

Bazalonia

27-04-2007, 02:13

The Final Qualifier showdown...

Joseph saw that what looked like a derrelict old factory on the outside was infact a massive modern sub-terrainian facility. Managing to sneak in and don some work overalls he managed to blend in with the work crowd. Somehow he had to find Marcus without drawing attention to himself.

But as luck would have it, Marcus went by, ordering someone to do something and did it immediately, something very menial and not worth mentioning. And then the pointed to Joseph, this time he thought he was caught.

"You, come with me..." he said. No Point in trying to not do it either way it was a lose-lose situation, but he thought trying to keep any cover he had left intact. And so he did. As he followed Marcus he was ordered to pick up things and he replied deepening his voice "Right-o"

Finally they arrived at what could only be assumed to be the central command for this operation, whatever it was. "Put the stuff down their by that console." Joseph was ordered and he used the opportunity to get a peek at what was on the console. There was only one thing that he could decipher what it meant. A small yellow button labelled "Crazy Geesemonkey Single Music Dispenser", which should from the instructions hand out the Crazy GeeseMonkey single which terribly bombed it's performance at the WorldVision song contest in Swilatia, why would any non-brain-dead teenager would like that music was something beyond him. Putting whatever he was carrying down he tried to hide his face... "Don't I know you?!" asked Marcus seemingly remembering Joseph.

And it was at this time he knew that the gig was up. "OH, I think you know someone that looks alot like me." Joseph said he edged ever so slightly closer to the console. "No... You are JAmes Bond, What are you doing here?!"

"Nope, not James Bond, someone else." he said revealing his fgace from getting rid of a cap that he had on.

"Guards!!!" Marcus yelled.

"I'd think that if I where you, I might just 'Dispense some music'." replied Joseph "Wouldn't you think it was a bit weird having "Dispense Music on a console that you obviously plan to use for world domination?", the guards rushed in as Joseph spoke, and was about to get him.

"Hold it." said Marcus... and the guards stopped.

"Good choice, but you know I just can't let this facility stay." said Joseph as the pressed the button... he started to run, in the hope that he had infact guessed right. Marcus could have been playing along or it could have been for something else. In the end it didn't matter, as the entire place lit up with sirens. "Self-destruct imminent" came over the loud speakers and every one else was running tool. At least he would not stand out too much.

Just as he left he could hear below him explosions as the ground behind him gave way collapsing everyone on itself trapping and killing whoever was trapped behind.

Marcus could not be seen anywhere and Joseph looked for him, he wondered infact he survived or if he perished in a scheme of his own making. At least he knew for one thing that the world and Bazalonia in particular was safe.... for now.

Quakmybush

27-04-2007, 02:53

Two men were sitting at a bar enjoying a pint of Jinkton City Draft. They were discussing the Quakmybush National Soccer Team's struggles to qualify.

"Bah" said Kerry Wiggins. "This is brutal. We are in a playoff against one of the better teams in the playoffs. The team has done so bad. I just can't figure out why."

"It's the religious types" Bob McCammond said.

"What are you on about?"

"Well, I think that the team is afraid to go to the Holy Empire."

"Explain?"

"Well, we ain't a very religious country here, and I don't think any of the players are either. Maybe the bible humpers... errrrrr bible thumpers are scaring them away."

"Well, why don't we travel to a country that shares are near atheistic beliefs. "

"Like?"

"Ummmmmmmm what about Atheistic Right?"

"That would work, let's go to the airport." The two men drove to the Revena International Airport, they got on the first plane to Georgetown, Atheistic Right. The flight took about 3 hours. Normally when you would land at an airport you would be greeted by a tonne of religious organizations, not in Atheistic Right though. The two men traveled a bit and got to what looked like a school. They walked in a saw a man sitting at a desk at the front of the room. The two men walked up and Kerry asked "Can you teach us the art of Atheism?"

"Ah yes, I can, I am one of the largest atheism teachers in the whole country. " the teacher said.

"Well start teaching then"

"Indeed, here is the first of two rules of atheism. Do not believe"

"That's it? Do not believe?"

"Well yes, and the other one is always tip well"

"Ah, we see." With that Kerry and Bob flew back to Quakmybush to go watch the game.

Alasdair I Frosticus

27-04-2007, 07:36

Behold! For he who gazes into the million facets of the Glimmung shall glance at the true nature of the Dreamed Realm before his soul is forever driven insane, declaring.....

This is the first Playoff RP cut-off

And then, for all eternity, he - and he alone - shall know....

The first set of Playoff Results (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12585918&postcount=21)

Alasdair I Frosticus

27-04-2007, 07:55

Somewhere deep within the State Bureau for Imperial Security

"Careful there, lad, that recording's not for the squeamish..."

"But these Northern Bettians... they're barbarians."

"Not really, they simply know how to apply... persuasive interrogation techniques. Still, we always intended for them to find that plant, so no harm done."

"You knew he'd get caught?"

"We intended for him to get caught, lad."

"But the torture... what about the torture... you knew he'd be tortured?"

"I knew it was more than likely. But look, lad, that wasn't an Imperial citizen. Do you think we'd send one of our own into the muck like that? No, no. Just some brainwashed ordinary lunatic from Ordinary Reality. They're not hard to find, you know."

"But why, sir?"

"So the Northern Bettians know - wholly unofficially, of course - that we have our eye on them. If they are involved in a Code O, we'll know. And they'll know we know. No point in their trying anything here, not with Room 202 properly prepared. Still..."

"What, sir?"

"Pity the plant had to mention the Glimmung. Not sure we wanted them to know about that. Ah well, can't win 'em all, eh lad?"

The Holy Empire Categorically Denies the Existence of this RP

Carboni

27-04-2007, 11:47

(OOC: this is an Errinundrian RP)

Diary of an Errinundrian Football Tragic from Carboni

Errinundrians 64,000,000 v Football Hero 1

The news was well and truly out. After 5 world cup campaigns (3 as captain, 4 as Errinundera’s top scorer, 3 as its best player and 1 as coach) the angelic, genderqueer was about to play quer last international game in Errinundera wearing the white potoroo strip. Tickets to the match at Frosty Hollow had sold out within 30 minutes of going on sale. That was not so extraordinary – football is popular here in Errinundera. It was the prelude to the game and, as it turned out, the game itself that had everyone shaking their heads.

There are no airports and few roads in Errinundera so the only way to travel large distances in this huge forested nation is by the extensive but rickety train service. Now rosaniel lives in McKillops Bridge and Frosty Hollow is over 1600 km away. Word soon leaked from the Errinundera Transit Authority (ETA) of ticket bookings made by the Errinundera Football Association (EFA). Soon the entire nation knew the complete timetable of their beloved captain.

Through my contacts I made sure I had a sleeper on the same train. I will never forget that journey. For the entire 1600 km the track was lined with fans saying goodbye to their hero. Even at 3 in the morning, or in the densest forest, or the most mountainous terrain, people were there to get a glimpse of the train or, if really lucky, a last look at the greatest striker the nation has ever produced. And lucky most of them were, for the ever generous rosaniel remained on a narrow platform at the back of the train throughout the journey, forgoing sleep for the sake of quer fans. When que need a toilet break the train stopped so no-one would miss quer. They were scary moments for the mob would sometimes try to board the train. No harm was done. When que returned rosaniel would ask the fans to leave and they always did. Then the train would start up again to continue its journey.

From McKillops bridge it followed the west-east branch of the Trans-national Rail. For the first half of the journey it travelled along the fertile but rugged farming Deddick River Valley passing through the great cities of Deddick (near the famous site of the Battle of the Pass and home of the mutiny that led to the overthrow of the Milosian Royal family), then Amboyne Crossing and Tubbut (centre of the rebel leaders in the civil war), and Dellicknora. From there it entered the Bonang River Valley through Cabanandra to Bonang (at 32 million the nation’s largest city). In all these large cities the train could hardly move for the crowds spilling onto the rail reservations.

From Bonang the train soon enters the great rainforest, steadily climbing the gentle slope on this side the plateau. Everywhere people were lining the track or waving or hanging from branches. Occasionally rosaniel waved back but it must have been a tiring experience for quer. People close to quer say que was constantly wiping the tears from her eyes. Passing through Fanny Moo and Goonmirk Rocks we finally reached First Creek Falls where the Archangel disembarked for a well-earned night’s sleep. Next day it was off to Frosty Hollow by monorail.

It has been estimated that 64 million people had lined the tracks along her journey. What devotion there is in this nation.

rosaniel & carltu 6 v Okielahoma 1

The match itself was also extraordinary in its way. Frosty Hollow has an evil reputation and clearly the weather spirits had decided to send off rosaniel with their own outpouring of grief.

The game started off with an ominously dark sky at this unique stadium dug into the ground and surrounded by a forest of titanic trees. Okielahoma started well and dominated play for the first 30 minutes. When Isaiah Reeves scored in the 29th minute it looked as if the potoroos were going to put in another poor performance against a mediocre side.

Moments after Reeves’s goal the sky opened up with a deluge not seen since before the start of the drought. In the course of the rest of the game, Frosty Hollow received more rain than it had in the previous six months. At times visibility was down to 5 metres. And don’t forget, it is late autumn in this cool temperate rainforest. The temperature dropped to 5ºC. Now, drought excepted, Errinundrians are born and bred in these conditions. The crowd threw of its clothes and danced in the rain, the potoroo players began to play as if there was no tomorrow while the Okies shivered and tried their best not to drown on a pitch that soon resembled a lake.

carltu and rosaniel then proceeded to put on a performance to be remembered forever. Simply, listing the goals will best describe what happened.

carltu 39
rosaniel 41
carltu 47
rosaniel 56
carltu 62
rosaniel 65

A hat trick each for the two star strikers in the team. It was the 3rd in rosaniel’s illustrious career and the 2nd for carltu, both in this current campaign. Finally, the potoroos had shown their mettle – in the most adverse of conditions. The potoroos must surely be facing he return rubber in Okielahoma with some confidence they may yet visit Ariddia.

Acapais

27-04-2007, 18:15

"Hello and welcome back to the Acapais Football Network. The latest news here in the nation’s football team is of course the disappointing 2-1 away loss to The HURD on Thursday night. Jose equalized just before halftime, but another red card for Alex McKellar suffered in the 66 minute reduced Acapais to ten men and The HURD took advantage in the 78th minute off a counterattack. McKellar will be suspended for Friday's 2nd leg match. Keswani has told us Jeremy Davis will take his place. Yellow and red card status resets of course at the conclusion of this second leg regardless of the outcome. If we lose we will surly get invited to the Cup of Harmony. However, we will travel to the Holy Empire and Ariddia to the World Cup itself if we score more than two goals ahead of our opponent. Good news is that the second leg match is at home in the Acapan capital, Hearn, in a sold out S'jet Stadium. Let's take a look at the highlights shall we."

"12th minute. Van Savage down the right flank, shakes his defender, puts in a low cross, Keeper gets a touch and Jose puts it over the top. The defending robot did just enough to put Jose off balance. 23rd minute. Robot midfielder screaming toward goal, fakes Hernandez, shot, off the post and out by Murphy. 26th minute. Same scenario midfield robot streaking down the center of the pitch this time dishes it to he forward who shoots far post and scores. 41st minute. Van Savage corner goes for goal and hits the inside of far post and gathered easily by the keeper. Let's look; is it a goal? Nope, just on the line. 46th minute. Van Savage again to Jose, header, goal. Acapais have been working that play since day one. Second half. 66th minute. Alex McKellar takes down the robot forward in side the box. Penalty! And of course since he was the last defender a red card. A double blow. Here comes the PK, it is surly over now. Save Dickenson! Acapais live to fight another half hour anyway. 78th minute. turnover Duke, it three on two, center robot dishes to his left Hernadez is beat a far post curling ball hits the back of the net and that's all she wrote.

"That goal puts tremendous pressure on Acapais on the return leg. Although they are at home they have to get at least one goal. When we come back we will show some Gold Division highlights and the goal of the week. Thanks stick around."

Assegai Developments

27-04-2007, 21:09

“Are we on the air yet? We—oh. Greetings… This is Mikaela Eyre reporting live from Leá Monde, the capital of Assegai Developments. In case you’re wondering what we’re doing on the air, we were just given the green light by the Assegai Developments Football Association to break the self-imposed media code of silence applied toward the end of qualifying for NationStates World Cup XXXIV.

“The team actually did well once we stopped reporting on the matches, but, with the team on the cusp of qualifying to the Proper, it’s only proper for us to document the team’s attempt to return to the World Cup stage.”

“However, it hasn’t been easy for the Riskbreakers, whose last two matches were not apt for those with heart conditions, as last minute goals by Assegai kept the team’s hopes of qualifying alive.

“Down 0-1 at No. 21 Starblaydia, and facing outright elimination, midfielder and team captain Ashley Riot managed to stave off two defenders and muscled his way to the goal, where he shimmied past Starblaydia’s keeper and slammed in the tying goal, with only seconds to spare.

“Moments later, Riot’s teammates dog piled him in celebration.

“Things didn’t get any easier in the first leg of the playoff qualifier against No. 18 Quakmybush, one of the most respected and followed teams in Assegai. After goals by forwards Cory Sorley, in the 32nd minute, and Mike Martin, in the 60th minute, Assegai looked to be headed to another defeat. Down 0-2 with only eight minutes left on the clock and facing the daunting task or a return leg in Quakmybush with the two-goal deficit, the Riskbreakers pulled off a miracle.

“That’s when burly forward Viktor Krum faked defender Greg Hughes out of his boots and blasted a shot that curved out of the reach of keeper Cam Carroll, igniting a fire in the 75,000 Assegai supporters present at Cathedral Park.

“The other foot dropped in injury time, when Assegai forward Samantha Neesa split defenders Harry Gait and Jorge Valez and curved a shot around Carroll. The goal unleashed a huge roar of celebration in Cathedral Park, which literally shook.

“Despite the last-minute heroics, Assegai still has their work cut out for them, having to deal with a proud Quakmybush team. The team has already departed for Quakmybush and refused to make any statements until after the game.

“This is the roster the team will employ for this game:”

Goaltender
#42 Akihiko Yoshida – (Rinaldi Gunners, Elves Security Forces)

Defenders
#4 Francis Rowe – (Sutina Saints, Fort Europe)
#70 Barnard Mallowburne – (S.C. Vagrant Hills)
#2 A.J. Durai – (A.C. Leá Monde)
#25 Stephen Maison – (Assegai Developments F.C.)

Midfielders
#31 Alys Spicer – (Matata Wanderers, Fort Europe)
#10 Ashley Riot (C) – (Assegai Developments F.C.)
#69 Fleur Delacour (Assegai Developments F.C.)

Forwards
#5 Severus Snape – (F.C. Capri, Elves Security Forces)
#33 Viktor Krum – (Assegai Developments F.C.)
#20 Samantha Neesa – (Char Sara Inferno, Elves Security Forces)

Reserves
GK #3 Callo Merlose – (Char Sara Inferno, Elves Security Forces)
GK #1 Winnefred Save – (Cathedral Spooks D.C.)
DEF #76 John Hardin – (D.S. Assegai)
DEF #8 Romeo Guildenstern – (Ascama United, Fort Europe)
DEF #7 John Müllenkamp – (Cathedral Phantoms F.C.)
DEF #22 Jan Rosencrantz - (Ascama United, Fort Europe)
DEF #32 Anne Saye – (Fort Lakaria City, Fort Europe)
MID #56 Joshua Bardorba – (S.C. Vagrant Hills)
MID #13 Duke Bardorba – (S.C. Vagrant Hills)
MID #32 Agatha Denys – (A.C. Leá Monde)
MID #45 Duane Grissom – (Kibuye F.C., The Interahamwe)
FWD #8 Ursula Goode – (Cathedral Phantoms F.C.)
FWD #11 Sidney Losstarot – (Mar Sara Flames, Elves Security Forces)
FWD #9 Dominic Saint-Émilion – (Rinaldi Gunners, Elves Security Forces)
FWD #18 Stephen de Cobham – (Assegai Developments F.C.)

“With the latest on the Assegai Developments National Football Team, this is Mikaela Eyre signing off from Leá Monde.”

Match Reports

(34) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/assegai_developments.png Assegai Developments 1

(21) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/starblaydia.png Starblaydia 1

[AD]
Ashley Riot (90’)

[STA]
??? ????

Yellow Cards:
None

Red Cards:
None

@ Cathedral Park, Leá Monde, Assegai
Capacity: 75,000

===

(34) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/assegai_developments.png Assegai Developments 2

(18) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/quakmybush.png Quakmybush 2

[AD]
Viktor Krum (82’)
Samantha Neesa (90’)

[QMB]
Cory Sorley (32’)
Mike Martin (60’)

Yellow Cards:
None

Red Cards:
None

@ Cathedral Park, Leá Monde, Assegai
Capacity: 75,000

===

Next Match

(18) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/quakmybush.png Quakmybush

VS
(34) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/assegai_developments.png Assegai Developments

Zwangzug

27-04-2007, 21:14

http://lipogram.zz/sports/wc?list

Football basics-with links!

A is for Ariddia (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ariddia)
For starting it off.
At Ariddia
You should not scoff.

B is for Basil (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Basil_%26_Theo)
And an author's (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Poetry_of_the_Holy_Empire) initial.
Alasdair I Frosticus (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Alasdair_I_Frosticus)
Has many an official.

C is for Crosshill (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/World_Cup_Nation_Hall_of_Fame#World_Cup_1_:_Crosshill)
Hoisting World Cup 1 (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/World_Cup_1)
So much of which is
Just myth now, but not who won.

D is for draws (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12532365&postcount=2)
And divining all groups.
That Ariddian captain (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Michel_Boulanger)?
...Oops.

Kryptognosis (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/The_Oneiromancer) did not occupy this quatrain.
Go along.

- is possibly
for Az-cz (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Az-cz).

F is for Frosty Hollow (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera%27s_NSWC_Football_Grounds#Frosty_Hollow)
As toxic as radium.
That's why Ariddia built
ubhashinim Ahwa'u Stadium (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ubhashinim_Ahwa%27u_Stadium).

G is for Grumpy...

Turruth Gordur

27-04-2007, 22:52

From the desk of Gorgol “The Butcher” Harad:

Despite their higher rank and preparations, the team from Nedalia was unable to withstand the ferocity of our national team, who played tonight like a ravenous wolf pack. Draco Glaurung was a beast at forward—as always—scoring both our goals to start the second half. Even when they tried to come back in the final minutes of the game, Nedalia never threatened us. Now, we will take our intense brand of football and our passionate supporters to Nedalia and we will ram a spiked fist down their throats! At the end of the match, the field will drown in the blood of the fallen, and Turruth Gordur will proceed to the World Cup, where we will undoubtedly leave our mark.

Quakmybush

28-04-2007, 05:12

"Fuck" Kerry Wiggins shouted as the final whistle went in the Assegai Developments, Quakmybush game.

"We tied, it's not like we lost or anything." Bob McCammond said.

"I know, still we have to win or tie less then 2-2 to advance."

"Well, I think we have to go to The Ruckus Room and tell Hughes what we learned, it can't hurt the team can it?"

"I guess your right, let's go" The two men got in Kerry's sedan, they made the near cross country drive from Jinkton City to Revena. They got to the clubhouse door, and knocked. A very large man answered the door.

"What do you want?" asked the man.

"We'd like to talk to the coach please"

"Okay" The man lead Kerry and Bob to the coach's office.

"What the hell? I thought we fired you, you're the worst security guard ever."

"Sir, Mr.Hughes, me and my friend here have some valuable information that we think you could use to defeat Assegai Developments."

"Well, nothing I'm doing seems to be working, so.... shoot."

"Well, we went to Atheistic Right, and they told us the way of the Atheist, I think it may just work."

"Go on...."

"Well, there is two rules to atheism, don't believe, and tip well."

"So, I think you guys should try that next game and hope to win."

"Well, thanks for the idea, and if we do win,we will reward you guys quite handsomely." With that Kerry, and Bob drove home and went to the store to buy some booze and wait for the next game to begin.

Az-cz

28-04-2007, 08:54

Az-cz Scroll
Az-cz City
Il-Lur

Pessimism reigns supreme

After an entirely unimpressive qualifying campaign the Gnomes slunked into the world cup after earning a mere two points over their final three match days, including draws to no longer powerful Dance 2 Revolution and horrible Cookesland. That has left a doom-ridden view amongst the Pink & Green faithful.

Most of the leading analysts in the Az-cz soccer community, myself included, are having a hard time seeing this team advance past the group stage of the cup, much less advancing far in the knockouts. People willing to entertain the prospect of Az-cz lifting the cup are almost impossible to find.

And this level of gloom is not limited to the football pitch or to Az-cz teams either. There is a similiar level of pessimism about the chances of the Az-cz team winning either the hockey world cup or the world cup of baseball, despite being in the round of 16 in the hockey and a win from the finals in the baseball tournament. And most in Az-cz fear greatly for their friends competing in the knockout. One of Az-cz's closest friends, the Quakmybushians have stumbled on horrible luck this cup and despite the fact that a large contingent of Az-czzer's will be travelling to Quakmybush to support the side there, with some even going to have created special shirts mixing the jersey's of the two nations, there is a fear that their friends will miss out on the cup for the first time in Quakmybush history.

Alasdair I Frosticus

28-04-2007, 09:09

This is an RP cut-off

Which comes with a playoff results (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12588980&postcount=22) link for added RP goodness.

As stated in at least two other threads, the World Cup draw will take place around noon Sunday eastern Australia time.

Errinundera

28-04-2007, 13:24

News items from the Fanny Moo (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Fanny_Moo) Examiner On-line (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Fanny_Moo_Examiner_On-Line)

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/examiner.gif

5 KILLED IN OKIE PRAYER MEETING
Potoroos implicated

The Errinundera football team (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera_National_Football_Squad) was caught in the crossfire between warring religious factions at a prayer service in Lexington (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Lexington) earlier today. Latest reports from Okielahoma (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Okielahoma) state that 5 people are dead and several more injured. The Errinundera Football Association (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera_Football_Association) have confirmed that no potoroos have been killed but are awaiting final confirmation. “Words cannot express how horrible this is,” said a visibly upset ermaingree, president of the Association. “The lives of Innocent people have been unnecessarily cut short. The EFA has donated the broadcast earnings from both play-offs to a fund that will demolish the current hall and build a replacement. There should also be a substantial amount remaining that will be given to the families of the victims.”

Stories are emerging that the potoroos (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera_National_Football_Squad) may have inadvertently triggered the shooting. We managed to track down local star and potoroo goalkeeper, arata, who explained what happened.

“We had gone along to the prayer meeting the day after the play-off match at the invitation of the Okielahoma (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Okielahoma) national team, the White Eagles (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12479488&postcount=14). We did it mainly to avoid offending them as they were adamant we should go. We also thought it might be interesting from a cultural point of view. The meeting was run by a very excitable bloke who shook and waved his hands and blew spittle everywhere and carried on about the temptations of satan and burning in hell and fighting the unbelievers and so on and so forth."

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/arata2.jpg
A subdued arata talking about
the events at Lexington.

"It was pretty hot in that hall so we began to undress, as any civilised person would do. I thought the bloke’s eyes were going to pop out. He started waving his this little metallic object around in his hand and beseeching satan to be gone. I feel quite sorry for this satan fellow. Was he one of the victims? A member of the audience stood up and pleaded with the meeting leader to calm down. The thing in the leader’s hand went bang very loudly and the other bloke fell over. There was blood everywhere. withare (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Withare) yelled out for everyone to get on the floor. The were more loud bangs and lots of screaming. We then heard loud wailing noises and people running and shouting, “Police”, followed by a few more bangs. Then it quietened down. We were all grabbed by men in black shirts and helmets and taken to what they call a “police station” where they interrogated us vigorously for a few hours. Some of the women in the team were to be charged with “indecent exposure”, but realising we were going back to Errinundera (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera) they didn’t bother.”

PREMIERSHIP CUP RETURNS TO FANNY MOO

A 36 year drought has ended with this year’s EFA (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera_Football_Association) Premiership Cup coming to Fanny Moo (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Fanny_Moo), home of the Ootopia (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ootopia) Leeches. By all accounts the team has been celebrating as vigorously as they played football all season. We tried to interview the team captain, arrealdoc, but he was unconscious at the base of his tree. We found the team coach, lajean, at the very top of his tree screaming out, “They’re coming. They’re coming. They’re going to eat all our homes from the inside out.” Undeterred we sought out #1 striker, ocketonu, but he thought we were sniffer wombats (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Sniffer_Wombat) come to attack him and threw a fridge door at us. Finally we managed to speak with mildyu, the teams #2 goalkeeper. “Cripes, I’m still tanked. And I stopped taking sugar cubes 2 days ago. Don’t ask me about the last game of the season – I can’t remember it. I think I can remember the other games, though. We were the best team all year and we thoroughly earned the right to give ourselves brain damage afterwards.”

Local fan, raddoca, is looking forward to the Ootopian (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ootopia) uniform being adopted as the alternative strip next World Cup (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/World_Cup). “It will be a change from the disgusting colours of Milosis (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/McKillops_Bridge#The_Upper_City:_Milosis) and McKillops Bridge (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/McKillops_Bridge) and Monkeytop (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Monkeytop) United,” he told us before heading of with a drum of methylated spirits and a box of matches.

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/OotopiaUniform.png
The home strip of the Leeches (left) will be
the alternative strip for the Potoroos in WC35.

POTOROO SHOCK: SEVEN GOALS; NO HAT TRICKS

After the 6-1 defeat of Okielahoma (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Okielahoma) in the first leg of the play-offs the potoroo (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera_National_Football_Squad) team selectors decided to rest several of the older players. Despite each scoring a hat trick, both the angelic, genderqueer rosaniel (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Rosaniel) and leading scorer, carltu, watched from the sidelines. Have you ever heard of such a thing? Two players score a hat trick in one match and both promptly get dropped.

It didn’t seem to bother the team, though, as they kicked 7 goals without the White Eagles (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12479488&postcount=14) even managing any at all in this return leg at the Lexington (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Lexington) Memorial Stadium. Everyone played well. No-one stood out. The only worry is the young scerberu jarred her knee after kicking the first goal. She was substituted by snaporoo who kicked one of her own shortly thereafter.

Since the shock defeat to Haraki (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/page=display_nation/nation=haraki) the potoroos (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Errinundera_National_Football_Squad) have scored 23 goals in 5 games, including the friendly against Cafundéu (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Cafund%C3%A9u), while only conceding 4. The team can now approach the World Cup proper (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/World_Cup_34) with the confidence they were sorely lacking earlier in the campaign.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Okielahoma.png
Okielahoma 0

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Errinundera.png
Errinundera 7
(scerberu 25, snaporoo 29, isshare 65 & 81, immelfar 68 & 84, matthieug 89)

Errinundera's WC34 scorers:
13 carltu
10 rosaniel (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Rosaniel)
6 snaporoo
5 scerberu
4 immelfar
4 isshare
2 matthieug
1 aptai

Jeruselem

28-04-2007, 13:53

Jeruselem Government News

DazMania wins over army girls

New quiz show "DazMania" which is just a sexy football version of Quizmania is proving very popular with girls and women in the army.

Major Rashina Dallas, who also happens to play in the World Cup 34 team said
"The people train and work all day, and don't get to watch TV a lot. By the time they get to watch a little TV, all the good stuff is finished. The men so what men do, but the women switch on to DazMania - and try to win some extra money for those female things. The men think the show is a stupid commercial show, and laugh as us army girls. When Dazza turns up to host the show, they turn into fans suddenly. Funny lot they are. There's a calendar in the officer's room, with the scheduled appearances of Dazza on DazMania too."

The show's director said
"It's going well. The football focus of our show is making us real popular. We want to be different and support football. We aren't a rival to THE FOOTBALL LIFE as that show is a product of the World Cup and this show is just a commercial TV show. You can't compare them. People ask why we only have sexy young men and women as hosts. It''s simple, you have look at them for hours and looking at something attractive for hours is what people demand. Our hosts are personalities, to keep the attention of the viewers. Cardboard personality does not sell product."

For fans of Dazza Dallas, Dazza's next appearance on the show will be in two days. Apparently, Dazza will be dressed as a Bettian football player for that show.

The show demographics are mainly female with bored housewives, female nightowls and lonely girlfriends ringing up to make money. A lot of them are also football fans who want to use the football knowledge to get some spare cash. There are weird rating's spikes known as Dazza Time when a flood of male viewers appear from nowhere, but only when Dazza shows up.

One of the hosts Nikki said
"This job is great. I've done other media jobs and people tell you to suppress your natural personality. As an ex-cheerleader and now a model, I like being me. On this show I can be me and dress the way I want. Our boss Dazza is great, she wants us to entertain the people out there while giving away the money."

Alasdair I Frosticus

29-04-2007, 02:27

[OOC note - the draw has been corrected. Milchama is in Group 5, Fmjphoenix in Group 4]

LIVE FROM THE IMPERIAL HIPPODROME....

THE WORLD CUP FINALS DRAW

WITH BASIL AND THEO

"Basil!"

"Theo!"

"It's the World Cup Finals Draw!"

"Yes it is, Theo. Now, some of the viewers back home are probably wondering why the finals draw is a little more, well, subdued than the qualification draw."

"I'm certainly wondering, Basil...."

"Well, you see, seems we blew the entire budget on the qualification draw..."

"Budget? But here money doesn't...."

"Shut up, Theo. Yes, we BLEW THE ENTIRE BUDGET. Nothing to do with those complaints about 'cheap exploitative smut' from Ordinary Reality. We BLEW THE ENTIRE BUDGET."

"Oh, I think I get it. Sort of. Maybe"

"Anyway, Theo, so instead of a massive gala draw show featuring the Cheap Slutty Bimbos, Juan Tzimisces, Urk, Alan Belmore, An Egg, and masses and masses of fireworks, we're just going to announce the groups. Live. Right here."

"Aren't you going to tell a joke, Basil?"

"No. No jokes. Just the group draw. Right here, right now. No elaboration. No messing about. Just the draw and nothing else. So here it is...."

[B]ARIDDIA GROUPS

Group 1
Ariddia
Errinundera
Tynelia
The HURD

Group 2
Jeruselem
The Lowland Clans
Oliverry
Green Wombat

Group 3
Squornshelous
Geisenfried
Starblaydia
Vilita

Group 4
Bettia
Commerce Heights
Assegai Developments
Fmjphoenix

HOLY EMPIRE GROUPS

Group 5
Alasdair I Frosticus
Rejistania
Milchama
Nedalia

Group 6
Schiavonia
Wentland
Sel Appa
Northern Bettia

Group 7
Az-cz
The Archregimancy
Elves Security Forces
Northern Caesarea

Group 8
Demot
Bazalonia
Cafundéu
Zwangzug

SCHEDULE

MD1
1 v. 4
2 v. 3

MD2
1 v. 3
2 v. 4

MD3
1 v. 2
3 v. 4

HOLY EMPIRE MATCH DETAILS
(ooc - Ariddia is away and will be announcing his match details in the near future)

Portals to the Dreamed Realm have been constructed, and are ready and available for your convenience now.

As announced in the original bid thread, all first round matches in the Holy Empire will be taking place in the surpassingly beautiful, gilded and bejewelled 100,000 capacity Imperial Hippodrome.

This will be made possible through the use of split timelines, whereby all of the matches will take place simultaneously at the same place at the same time, but in temporarily split timelines. Please see the Holy Empire NSwiki page (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Alasdair_I_Frosticus) for more details on non-linear time in the Empire (and other details on our nation).

And don't worry if the concept of split timelines gives you a headache. Even Imperial citizens find it hard to wrap their heads around the concept, and usually cope by trying not to think about it.

The Holy Empire strongly respects all nations' cultural traditions and right to express those traditions (which should make the Az-cz - Archregimancy match interesting). However, participants in Holy Empire matches - particularly Northern Bettia - are respectfully reminded that violence of any kind towards the Holy Empire or its citizens will not be tolerated, and that any foreigner engaging in inappropriate behaviour is subject to immediate deportation.

Thank you - and enjoy your stay.

[OOC - the groups were entirely randomly drawn. However, having drawn Starblaydia and Vilita into the same group, I will admit arranging the schedule to allow for the possibility that Starblaydia's last ever match will be against Vilita - they'll understand the historical resonance, even if few others do, and I hope the rest of the participants will forgive the nostalgic element]

[OOC 2 - sincere apologies for the original muck-up over the Milchama/Fmjphoenix draw. As you can now see, Milchama is in group 5 and Fmjphoenix is in group 4 only. That's what I get for doing the WC draw with a hangover....]

Milchama

29-04-2007, 03:29

Alexandria Times-Tribune-Star-News-Chronicle-Journal-Enquirer

Sports Section

Apparently First Place not enough

Sports fans in Milchama were in shock today, not only because our baseball failed again, but also the Milchama Warriors soccer team that was first place in their qualifying group apparently did not qualify for the World Cup. Nobody can explain this strange occurance. One man in the street said, "Well Rejistania is there and they were second and third place Acapais lost in the playoffs to a team that's in there but we're not. And we're better than both of those teams. I feel like the hosts cheated us out of a very good oppurtunity to get better."

Many people agree with this random person and it has begun anew the international conspiracy theme in Milchama that we here in Alexandria tried so hard to put to rest following Douglas Jefferey. Although this time those idiots may have a point, we really did get hosed. The Warriors qualified fair and square beating up lesser teams but yet did not qualify.

But even then it looks like Fmjphoenix qualified to seperate teams into the World Cup proper despite only one team entering qualifying. A team that did WORSE than Milchama. Coach Damian Hill said, "Now that's just plain unfair to our kids. They worked hard to get here only to be outshowed by a Fmjphoenix team that didn't even enter qualifying. We need to eat them around the bonger to make sure they don't warn the mongoose of the impending doom of the nacleer boom on the city of Pretoria."

Hill making sense? Milchama not in the cup despite qualifying? The Warriors losing to a clearly inferior team in baseball (AGAIN!)? What a bad day in Milchamian sports.

In an unrelated story people have been starting to pray to a pseudo god called "Margaret" to gurantee Milchamian victories in sports competitions. The people who started this in Wickert said that they got the idea from an old nation called Snub Nose 38 whose existence is unverified at this time.

Jeruselem

29-04-2007, 06:02

<A huge crowd in the middle of the city with the Jeruselem World Cup team in the middle. The players and some staff are signing things for the fans while the most popular person being the coach Dazza Dallas>

Dazza picks up a microphone and stands on table look taller
"On behalf of the Jeruselem World cup team, a big thanks for everyone turning up today to support us. Me and Kate here are so pleased to be picked to be in charge of the team. Kate Bush here wants to help the team make the final once against after we lost to Arridia in World Cup 32, and as it happens Arridia are one of hosts for World Cup 34. Unfortunately some of our male players from last cup could not make the team due to injury so we had pull some female players who were backing up from another tournanment. I'm handing over to the former Captain Monique Alexander now. She's no longer in the team but she's still part of our team."

Monique
"Thanks for the support everyone. I know you expect a lot of the team as we are ranked second. There's a lot riding to our shoulders - well, no reference intended to the Village Bike here. It's a newish sort of team with some new players dragged in due to unexpected injuries. But we aren't using that as a real excuse as a class team can handle anything. I hope you can get to our games and those of you who travel around the world following us we do appreciate the effort. We hope to meet your expections. Oh yes, I think most of you noticed Dazza's baby bump. I wish I was playing now but Big Gay Al is doing a err SUPER job."

Dazza
"Yeah thanks. I always get pregnant before World Cups for some reason. Now, let's have a cheer for the Captain Albert Schultz or better known as Big Gay Al"

Big Gay Al
"Thanks everyone. I'm retiring after this cup but I don't take duties as vice captain lightly. With so many women and men around me who could be the vice captain, I'm going make sure I do my best to win this cup. This team is interesting with so many women and even a monk, as well as naughty Monique and Dazza. We even have Corporal Rashina Dallas from the army here and her hubby. Our team is so interesting with people from all backgrounds. I'm proud to be me and part of these teams."

Dazza
"Let's hear from my replacement on THE FOOTBALL LIFE, Dinkie Dosha. The new Dazza"

Dinkie
"It's my second World Cup and this one is more exciting because I'm the new reporter. I know it's going to be hard work taking over from Dazza and I have to meet expections from that. Dazza's been supporting me in my efforts but co-hosting with the coach which makes thing easier. I hope everyone enjoys THE FOOTBALL LIFE with out Dazza because I have a big burden now. It's even better working with her as poor Monique is unable take her place in the team as team reporter. Dazza is best reporter for THE FOOTBALL LIFE ever."

Dazza
"Thanks for turning up again. Please watch THE FOOTBALL LIFE and keep up with our progress. And there is new JGN merchandise for fans to buy. Without the support for Jeruselem people, we can't function. Football is built on fan support and well, we love our fans. Oh, as the CEO of Razza Dazza - we have having a big World Cup special month. Big savings for women out there. Razza Dazza is official provider of sports clothing for the women of this team too, so wear what the World Cup women wear. I'm not forgetting the Nedalians or Bettians either, we support them too. Let's have Bettia vs Jeruselem or Nedalia vs Jeruselem final. I'm leaving the final speech to our army girl here, Rashina Dallas"

Rashina
"As new vice-captain, not the Captain of Vice - that's Dazza's job, I'm going make sure I do my best to ensure we can do it. In the army, it's a tough place to work but it makes me tougher. That's why I'm here. Jeruselem is team of my choice because I love my nation in peace and war."

<Fans cheer loudly>

Dazza
"Alright, I've got the World Cup 34 draw right here. Who wants to hear it? Everyone! Good. Jeruselem and Bettia are going to Arridia, while our friends Nedalia are going to the Holy Empire. Jeruselem have been placed in Group 2. We have The Lowland Clans, Oliverry and Green Wombat for company. So who's going win this group!"

Fans
"Jeruselem!"

Dazza
"That's what I want to hear. Look everyone, those teams are good and they can beat us on bad day but we are sure this team are going to their best to win all the games. OK, everyone who's the world champ!"

Fans
"Bettia!"

Dazza
"Good thing you remembered? Bettia are placed in Group 4 with Commerce Heights, Assegai Developments and Fmjphoenix. So who's going with group now?"

Fans
"Bettia!"

Dazza
"Yes, we think so too. Those teams are tough too but the world champs show why they are World Champs. Now, who's our favourite cuddly Lions! Come people you know!"

Fans
"Nedalia!"

Dazza
"Everyone, pray for our Lions. They have nasty group in Group 5. Alasdair I Frosticus, Rejistania and Fmjphoenix. Wait a minute, Fmjphoenix again? Never mind. Err, OK everyone I think it's supposed to be Milchama! Never mind that, there's an error there somewhere. Fmjphoenix are in Group 4 or 5, and Milchama are in the other one. Actually, we might have a redraw here but never mind that too. Who do we want to win this group!"

Fans
"Nedalia!"

Dazza:
"OK, everyone thanks for coming. It's autograph time now. Woah!"

(Dazza falls over backwards landing on Brother Haven)

Fans
"Kiss her Brother Haven!"

Brother Haven
"It's not my day."

Bazalonia

29-04-2007, 09:26

"Explosion linked to World Cup" was a title of an Atheistic Right propoganda website, well to be correct it was the propoganda website for a specific faction within Atheistic Right. For it is well known that now without the unifying force of a madman, Atheistic Right has many factions each vying for power.

The link to the article was sent to Peter Hobble from some free email account, that could be virtually anyone. He would have deleted it with the spam, if the title didn't contain the words "Atheistic Right", he thought it might have been from Jospeh but no, instead it contained this link.

Now of course the article had no idea about the true cause nor infact who was responsible a Great Lion wanna-be. Infact, it blamed AIF, the Archregimancy, Magnus Valerius and Bazalonia as religious conspiracy. However the evidence they provided was so weak even an a circus court would not convict on the evidence provided.

And as a result that faction became more of a laughing stock, How is this revelant to the World Cup draw, apart from the fact that it specifically mentioned the draw as a part of a rhetoric full diatribe about this conspiracy not much at and so Peter scoffed at the article, realising it wasn't from Joseph and went to look at the draw that he bad been given a copy of by Andrew Coulter.

Group 8, in the Dreamed Realm,

Along with Demot, Cafundeu and Zwangzug, it wasn't expected to be much of a problemfor the Bazalopes to once again to get to the Round of 16 but they wondered could the finally get into the top 8... Only time would tell.

MD1: Bazalonia vs. Cafundéu
MD2: Bazalonia vs. Zwangzug
MD3: Demot vs. Bazalonia

Wentland

29-04-2007, 11:44

The draw was being held late at night, UCS time, and Ginger Collins had retired with the remainder of the Crowhurst team that was representing Wentland at the Olympics, whilst the first choice team were heading for the World Cup finals.

Collins was in REM mode and dreaming about one hit wonders that never existed when he suddenly felt an odd presence.

"Yes...it's happening...behold the gilded city..."

Collins awoke with a start. Room-mate Tommy Barnes in the other bed was awoken by his sudden lurch. "What's up, Ginge?"

"I think Wentland has been drawn to play in the Holy Empire..."

"Oh, I forgot about that...get the telly on..."

They found the NSN channel broadcasting the draw. "Pah, they haven't even drawn Wentland yet, Ginge...I think you're hallu-"

The telly interrupted them.

"Group 6...WENTLAND...and they will join Schiavonia in the Holy Empire..."

"Jeez, Tommy...I told you..."

"Meh, coincidence...it was 50/50..."

Zwangzug

29-04-2007, 14:37

The conversations were sporadic, their purposes indefinite. A paternal veteran advising a younger player? The fact that the entire squad had essentially the same experience made that moot. Two defenders discussing tactics? Simply put, no. A captain dispensing wisdom to his possible successor? Far out, but considering the alternatives...

"So those third place people last cup that nobody gave a chance, the people from our first qualifying group, and the home of the committee president. Am I actually supposed to think we have a chance?"

"Yes."

"Well, Cafundeu was better than Fmjphoenix, and look how good they are!"

Rube slowly scanned the list, from top down. "Ooh, Errinundera's in Ariddia's group: that should be beautiful."

"The only thing relating to Ariddia's group that I care about is that it does not also contain "Az-cz and Squornshelous and Zwangzug". Maybe now I can stop having Guillermo Bleeping Yeatses quoted at me."

"Vilita and Starblaydia?"

"Please don't make me demonstrate my total inability to give a-"

"I didn't want to. Ah, Fmjphoenix: here they are."

"And?" Andrew prompted.

"They're the last seeds. Well, they still must be good to make it here-"

"Unless you've forgotten, we're here too. So that doesn't mean anything. Look at group 5."

Rube looked at it. Then he looked at it again. Then he looked at group 4 again. "Well, they do say that time flows differently in the dreamed realm..."

Northern Bettia

29-04-2007, 17:42

These were certainly high times for Bettian football. Not only had the Aroras done the business, but Northern Bettia had surpassed expectations by qualifying from a very tough group. All throughout the country, keen Fire Ants waited patiently for the announcement that would confirm who their team would be facing and, perhaps more importantly, where. In the meantime, the people took the time to celebrate their national team's heroics... but not all of them.

Deep within the inner sanctum of the Northern Bettian Military High Command, a very serious discussion was taking place.

As with all matters of national importance, High General Gwrlais Devanallt, de facto leader of Northern Bettia, chaired the meeting. He was sat at the head of a horseshoe-shaped table flanked on either side by his most trusted and loyal chiefs of the army, navy and air force, with a large Northern Bettian flag hung on the wall behind him. Also present were various scientists, historians and experts of all things not-quite-of-this-world, three fields of study which were normally given very short shrift in this militaristic nation.

Devanallt banged a gavel on the table and the faint yammering in the room immediately halted.

"Gentlemen. I've summoned you all here because I'm very concerned at this Frostican insurgant business. I see no reason why the Holy Empire would be spying on us or wishing to cause trouble for us in particular. I hope someone here has some answers for me."

"If I may, sir" a short-built man with thick round glasses, a small goatee beard and a typical scientist wacky hairstyle piped up. High General Devanallt nodded, and the man continued. "I'm Professor John Jarotoma, from the Ancient Studies Department of Anyuna University. Myself and my esteemed colleagues here have spent the last week or so analysing the interrogation of the man in question. How is he doing, by the way?"

"The last I heard, he was a gibbering wreck." answering General Barani, head of the army. "According to the man in charge of his - ahem - accommodation, he keeps blabbering about how this Mancy fellow will come soon to smite the Holy Empire and rule the world."

"Yes, quite. However, it was repeated references to 'Glimmung' that interested us. At first, everyone thought this was just the word 'glimming' spoken in a dodgy accent, but after some extensive research we have uncovered some rather interesting information..."

With that, Professor Jarotama produced multiple copies of a printout and handed them out to the high brass at the head of the table.
Those that believe in the Oneiromancer claim that the Basileus has hidden the Glimmung in the legendary sunken cathedral of Heldscalla, deep under the ocean of the Holy Empire. He who finds the Glimmung may choose to unleash the Oneiromancer on an unsuspecting Dreamed Realm, or attempt to control the dread wizard of dreams for his own purposes.
"Interesting," High General Devanallt mused as he poured over that particular paragraph. "A jewel that can control an all-powerful evil wizard."

"Preposterous!" blasted Air-Marshal Matsunichi, head of the air force. "Stuff and nonsense and fairytales!"

High General Devanallt looked at him after this outburst. "So, how would you explain the Holy Empire's sudden interest in Northern Bettia? Why is this man here, and more importantly, are there any more?"

Professor Jarotama interjected. "We believe he may actually be a part of the Cult of the Oneiromancer mentioned further down the document."

"It also says that this cult and this 'Oneiromancer' are nothing but fairy tales." Matsunichi replied.

"Probably just false rumours to put off any would-be treasure-hunters. I wouldn't pay that too much heed."

"You still haven't answered the High General's question - what is he doing here in Northern Bettia?"

"The printout states that this Glimmung is located in a sunken cathedral under an ocean. If this place really exists, I have no do doubt this Heldscalla place would be heavily guarded and kept under strict observation... from above anyway, but from below? I highly doubt it."

"You STILL haven't answered the General!" Matsunichi growled. The professor sighed impatiently, clearly growing weary of this uneducated oaf.

"I'm getting there. During the suspect's interrogation, it was clear that he wasn't about to reveal his intentions so a number of images were displayed to him, and he seemed to show a particular interest in a picture of a giant ant."

"Hmmph! So what?!"

"That's exactly what we said at first - we thought nothing of it. But that's when it clicked. We believe that he was here, probably with a couple of chums, to procure some giant ants and use them to dig underground to this cathedral of theirs and get that Glimmung right under the noses of the Holy Empire."

"Oh, right. What a great idea." Matsunichi said sarcastically. "I seriously hope you're not expecting me to believe in all this magical nonsense."

"But is this stuff really nonsense? 'Cos if it is, what would you call that million or so spirit things materialising in Tiddles Park then? A fancy light show?"

High General Devanallt interrupted their bickering, and turned to the professor. "So you believe there may be some truth in your theory?"

"Well, it's one idea."

"Well I have a better one. Why don't we get a few thousand Morgrugyn worker ants working on a major tunnel and find this Glimmung for ourselves? From what you're saying, if we find that, we get to control this Oneiromancer bloke, and if we control the Oneiromancer, no nation on NS-Earth would dare to mess with us. We could take out entire regions with a click of our fingers."

"Heh. Talk about your weapons of mass destruction." General Barani said with a chuckle.

"Exactly." Devanallt replied, rubbing his hands together. "General, ready a deployment of worker ants. I want round-the-clock shifts. I want that tunnel built yesterday. Air-Marshal, I want reconnaisance flights from you - we need to find a physical location for this place, if there is one. Admiral, put your fleet on standby, just in case. Let's get a move on gentlemen, we haven't got a moment to spare."

Tynelia

29-04-2007, 18:50

Here We Go Again

For the second straight Cup Tynelia finds itself in the World Cup proper but not after a scare as it took until the final matchday to clinch their spot. On paper however this time around the group seems slightly easier as it includes two squads that had to qualify via the playoffs. However appearances can be deceiving.

For the first time Tynelia shall be facing one of the co-hosts Arridia for the first time. A team most expect to win the group. Also for the first time relative newcomers the HURD will be met on the field of play. The only squad we’ve faced before is not exactly one the team would be looking forward to facing, Errinundera, a team that swept us in the CoH many years ago when they were ranked below us. Now ranked ahead of this, they represent the biggest hurdle for Tynelian advancement. In fact many believe the results of matchday 1 when the two teams face each other will decide the second qualifier from the group.

One possible hope for Tynelia is Errinundera’s total bludgeoning of Okielahoma by a combined 13-1 score. Many Tynelian fans feel that perhaps the Errinundera squad has tired themselves out after scoring so much and suffer through a scoring drought similar to Tynelia’s efforts after their pair of 5 goal matches where they could only manage one goal in four matches.

Arridia may be suffering from rust having earned a bye into the cup itself so they have not had as much time to gel as a unit but a top team like them does not need much time to get into gear. With a beneficial first match against the HURD on day 1 it is expected they will be able to get their playing legs going again in time for their two big matches to follow.

As for the HURD, most believe they will not contend for an advancement spot and any points they pick up would be seen as a major positive result on their part. However as last Cup proved, no team can be considered out of it until they are officially eliminated. But with this cup returning more to form as far as the top ranked teams are concerned for the most part, many feel the HURD will not be able to benefit.

In a recent poll Tynelian fans were asked who they expected to move on and the results are as follows.
Arridia- 86%
Errindundera- 60%
Tynelia- 49%
The HURD-5%

[NS]Alasdair I Frosticus

30-04-2007, 00:38

THE HOLY EMPIRE HERALD

HEFA APOLOGY ISSUED TO MILCHAMA
Zwangzug World Cup Organisational Software Blamed

By Anna Comneno

The Holy Empire Football Association was today forced to issue a humiliating apology to the Milchaman authorities after the discovery of a flaw in the World Cup Draw that excluded the Warriors from the tournament, but had the Vikings of Fmjphoenix playing in both Ariddia and the Holy Empire.

The Alexandria Times-Tribune-Star-News-Chronicle-Journal-Enquirer of Milchama claimed last night that an international conspiracy was afoot to exclude the Warriors from the tournament proper, but HEFA revealed that the problem was far more mundane. "It was the Zwangzug World Cup Organisational Software" said a senior HEFA official, speaking on condition of anonymity. "It was supposed to spit out the seeds in order, but for some reason generated 'Fmjphoenix' twice, once as a third seed, once as a fourth seed, when clearly that third seed should have been Milchama. So as you can see, it was all Zwangzug's fault."

This journalist was denied permission to travel to Zwangzug to interview software designers Alan Turing and Charles Babbage, but sources close to the designers say that they are 'furious' at the 'unfounded allegations', and are making it clear that 'garbage in means garbage out'.

Imperial officials are said to have attempted to make a gesture of apology by giving the Milchama's national animal, the tigercatfishthing, a prominent role in the pre-match ceremony prior to Milchama's opening match against Rejistania. "We like the tigercatfishthing" said the same senior HEFA official quoted earlier, "as it appeals to the Imperial sense of the surreal."

Cafundeu

30-04-2007, 00:51

URGENT NEWS - THE SCOUT IS SHOT AND KIDNAPPED DURING A GAME

The Scout, the official scout of Cafundéu during the World Cup qualifiers, was shot while watching a game in the playoffs of the qualifiers. But the interesting thing is that no one knows which game was he seeing and who was he analysing, but he was kidnapped and now he is in an unknown place. Cafundéu's authorities are desperately looking for the 1,20m tall man, who was wearing a black suit and black shoes.

Today, Globo Multimedia was going to give its opinions about the World Cup draw, but this serious incident changed its plans. Now, we're going to give the details of this disaster. The Scout was doing an important work for the CCFM, searching for good players to reinforce the Cafundelense teams. But he was found by cameras during a game between Jeruselem and Schorteskatascansolani, and after that everyone could find him in the stadiums.

Some supporters started to worry when The Scout came to their countries, as it was highly possible that he was going to buy players of their National Team. So, he was an unwelcome person in many nations, and this can be one of the reasons of the attack. After buying players from famous countries, as Jeruselem, some illegal groups were founded to try to stop the "small scout".

Friends of The Scout said that he was watching the game of Assegai Developments against Quakmybush, in Quakmybush. But his son said that he said something about a game between Acapais against The HURD before travelling. The CCFM said that he could be in any of the qualifiers games, and that's why the investigations are more difficult.

Representatives of Quakmybush denied the rumors that The Scout was attacked in their country: "We could notice if that man went to our stadium. He wasn't here." But the facts are that he could be in Quakmybush, as a ticket for the game was lost inside the stadium. "He could have dropped there during the attack", says a friend.

The only proof of the incident is a small sound recording, made by The Scout during the attack. The kidnappers sent it to the CCFM, and asked for V$50,000,000. The record says the following:

(sound of a football game, fans shouting)

THE SCOUT - "That number ten seems promising. Need to look for further details. He is dominating the game and can score a goal soon."

(sound of steps close to him)

THE SCOUT - "Who are you? What are you doing with this gun... (shot) ahhhhhrrrrrgg! Oh my God, please no!"

??? - "Stop talking, we'll have a friendly talk with you, in a place far away from here. Get him!"

(fans commemorate something, maybe a goal)

Zwangzug

30-04-2007, 01:27

The portal was only an instant ago but now he is falling forever, through the darkness between the realities. And around him are voices.

"All right, next time you try to input Conmeno's writing into the thing!"

"Garbage in means garbage out, I've never said anything else."

Who are you? He struggles to piece the thoughts together. He has never heard a broadcast of his own games.

"Charles Babbage, and that's Alan Turing."

"I'm who?"

"Alan Turing last time I checked."

That's not right...

"There's some sort of game going on."

"Yep, it's called the World Cup."

"Well, that. But some sort of computer game too."

"Computers? We like computers, don't we?"

"Yes we do."

Numbers everywhere in this existence beyond spacetime. Numbers to be analyzed, odds to be beaten, programs to be run, collisions to be crashed.

"So how about that draw?"

"We're last in the last group? Makes me furious!"

Draw. Tie. Infinite balance but it can't last, nothing can.

"Wasn't quite referring where we wound up, but that's okay..."

We haven't wound up anywhere! We're still in this nonexistent...nonexistence! No footing to stand on! Literally, "unfounded allegations"!

But they don't exist, that's exactly the point. Alan Turing? Charles Babbage? Something's wrong...

...and it's all Zwangzug's fault...

All my fault. Have to interpose but I can't, I have nothing, I am nothing...

Something round through the air. The ball. He has to stop it. He dives but Alan beats him there: it is an apple. Alan eats it and laughs...

Fragmented timelines come back together again. Charles Turing and Alan Babbage step out of the portal and into the Imperial Hippodrome just before the last team member.

Maybe programming isn't their thing after all. Charles and Alan are announcers. They will murmur name upon name: Fmjphoenix and Milchama, right where they belong.

The rest is the Empire's part.

Jeruselem

30-04-2007, 01:29

Jeruselem Government News

Nothing to do with me sez Dazza

The death of "THE SCOUT" from Cafundeu after a deal with Jeruselem for some current male World Cup players triggered rumours of foul play from some quarters in Jeruselem. Some even said unhappy people in the Jeruselem FA were responsible.

Current Jeruselem coach Dazza Dallas said before breaking down during an interview after hearing the news
"Hey looky here. My negotiations with this scout fella were all good, and he does business well. I'm a business person and so was he. The players were quite happy to play in Cafundeu after discussions. What we did was all above board and the Jeruselem FA were happy with the end result. We have no problems with what type of job the scout did as lots of scouts turn up to watch our games, we don't care as long as they go through official channels. I even had a drink with him after the negotiations! Nice fella. I did get a bit too drunk though, and forgot what happened afterwards. I kinda woke up with him in a bed the next day, and well like I haven't done that before. It was pretty wild night I think, and I couldn't find my underwear too. Poor bloke! Not a good way to die. Jeruselem will give one minutes silence for this man. He was only only doing this job, I know people despise scouts but certainty this is not on. When I was a young player, there were no scouts looking at me, I had to sleep my way to get team spot."

Dazza had to be taken away later after it was clear she was quite upset. The Jeruselem FA said they were quite happy with the deal done by "THE SCOUT" and it would stand, and if anyone in Jeruselem was responsible, justice would be served.

Az-cz

30-04-2007, 06:17

Az-cz Scroll
Az-cz
Il-Lur

Draw analysis

As everyone in Az-cz loves these pointless predictions it's our solemn duty to release a bunch of pointless predictions that almost certainly won't pan out, although we did pick Bettia to win at this point last cup. If we happen to razz our friends from Vilita in the progress, all the better.

So let's start with our team out in group 7. Az-cz, The Archregimancy, Elves Security Forces, Northern Caesarea. No rank newcomers, but no group of death either. Northern Caesarea might well be the worst team in the cup. And they've got a history of struggling on the big stage. But they do also have a lot of experience in the finals, so at least they won't be awed by the surroundings. Then there's ESF, the only team in the group without a lot of cup experience, but they're making due on their potential, advancing to the quarterfinals last cup and posting the best record in qualification. And then there's the Archregimancy who's shown themselves to be more than capable giant killers, sending Liverpool England on their spiral out of the cup a few cups back. And us, who actually have the best performance of any team in the group with our runner up last cup. We ought to be able to earn three points against N. Caesarea, but we ought to have earned more than 30 points in qualifying so clearly we're underperforming. I expect that the pressure on the team and coach Hausen will do us in, leaving ESF and the Archregimancy to go through. One thing of note is that the team has already announced they won't be standing per request for the Archregimancy's nonsense ceremony at the beginning of the match. They don't believe in Archregimancy's nonsense and won't stand for it. Still we don't think that extra rest will really help avoid elimination at the hands of the monks.

1. Archregimancy
2. ESF
3. Az-cz
4. N. Caesarea

Next up would be the group we would play if we somehow make it out of qualification, group 8 housing a couple of teams we know well. Demot, Bazalonia, Cafundéu, Zwangzug. Looking at historical success you couldn't really find a less successful group. But looking at potential and drive you'd be hard pressed to find a better group. All four of these teams are still on the way up. Almost every other group has a team who's best days are probably behind them. Which means that these will be some great matches and a wild qualification. We expect Demot to continue to build on their success from last cup and these qualifiers and top the group. We think Cafundeu will finally punch through to the second round in these cups leaving our good friends and former coach disappointed in third place.

1. Demot
2. Cafundeu
3. Bazalonia
4. Zwangzug

Next let's look at group five which sees the hosts of the dreamed realm. Alasdair I Frosticus, Rejistania, Milchama, Nedalia. One of these things is not like the others. That would be Nedalia, who I'm suprised to see make it to the cup. Battling N. Caesarea for honors of worst team here they'll be sent home quickly by the other three teams. I think Milchama will rebound from the bad form of last cup to top the group with the hosts scooping up the second spot.

1. Milchama
2. Alasdair I Frosticus
3. Rejistania
4. Nedalia

And the last group to be playing in the dreamed realm, group 6. Schiavonia,
Wentland, Sel Appa, Northern Bettia. Another group of teams on their way up. Full of the darlings of last cup. Northern Bettia went from the BoF championship straight to the finals, evening stealing a match from us in the process. Sel Appa was the suprise team into the second round of the cup. Wentland was a big suprise making it to the semifinals and Schiavonia has become the king of qualifiers and ran through their group in the opening round of the cup as well before falling to us in the quarterfinals. All four teams are threats to advance, and all but Sel Appa are threats to proceed far into the tournament. But the Schiavones will prove that they are the king of this group as well. Expect the Northern Bettians to continue the upward push as they knock off Wentland to get through to the second round.

1. Schiavonia
2. Northern Bettia
3. Wentland
4. Sel Appa

Now to games being played in ordinary reality.

Group 1 is the other group of hosts. Ariddia, Errinundera, Tynelia, The HURD.

What a strange, sublime and interesting group. Errinundera gets their dream granted to travel to and play against their good friends in Ariddia. Tynelia is certainly an interesting third leg and The HURD has suprised everyone by actually turning into a good football team at some point. After their struggles last cup expect Ariddia to come out steaming mad and blow the group away and look for Tynelia to edge just a bit further to the elite with an upset of Errinundera.

1. Ariddia
2. Tynelia
3. Errinundera
4. The HURD

Next up is group 2, containing, Jeruselem, The Lowland Clans, Oliverry, Green Wombat. Much like group 1 this is actually three teams battling for two spots as Green Wombat shouldn't be expected to do much damage. Jeruselem has to be the clear favorites to top this group. It will basically come down to the opening day match between The Lowland Clans and Oliverry. My guess is that Oliverry will get through with a draw or better and take the second spot.

1. Jeruselem
2. Oliverry
3. The Lowand Clans
4. Green Wombat

Group 3 has to be the group of death for this cup. Squornshelous,
Geisenfried, Starblaydia, Vilita. Let's see you've got a team just two cups removed from their most recent title, a team that's made consecutive quarterfinals, a multiple time champion playing in their last tournament and a former champion who topped a tough group, is the defending champion of the only regional football tournament of note and is always dangerous. I think Starblaydia's last tournament will not end on the note they'd have hoped for with such difficult opponents waiting for them. And Geisenfried without their old coach won't do much better than their old coach without them. Leaving Squronshelous and Vilita to go through.

1. Squornshelous
2. Vilita
3. Geisenfried
4. Starblaydia

And finally group 4 where the defending champs can't be to displeased with their draw. Bettia, Commerce Heights, Assegai Developments, Fmjphoenix.

Expect the Aroras to romp home in an easy manner and Commerce Heights to ease into second. Assegai Developments looked good in knocking off Quakmybush but I still don't think they're a great squad. And Fmjphoenix really could have used that second spot in the tournament they were mistakenly granted as they just don't have the ability to really compete at a top level anymore.

1. Bettia
2. Commerce Heights
3. Assegai Developments
4. Fmjphoenix

That leaves these matchups for the round of 16:

Archregimancy v Cafundeu
Milchama v Northern Bettia
Demot v ESF
Schiavonia v Alasdair I Frosticus
Ariddia v Oliverry
Squornshelous v Commerce Heights
Jeruselem v Tynelia
Bettia v Vilita

The monks will find a way to use their sort of homefield advantage to send Cafundeu packing. Northern Bettia will get revenge for their spanking last cup at the hands of Milchama and pull a big upset putting a second Bettian squad into the last eight. In an absolutely incredible match a colony faces it's former master as the big dog. Not to mention that they were the top two teams in qualifying. Expect Elves Security Forces to put Demot in their place and advance again to the last eight. Schiavonia will also be making their second consecutive last eight ending the run of the hosts in the dreamed realm. The other hosts will get in done with a repeat of the trouncing they gave Oliverry last cup. Squornshelous makes another push for their second title. The Crusaders get past Tynelia and set up a great quarterfinal matchup against their close friend and defending champions from Bettia.

Leaving these four matchups in the quarterfinals:

Archregimancy v Northern Bettia
Elves Security Forces v Schiavonia
Ariddia v Squornshelous
Jeruselem v Bettia

The Archregimancy will be determined not let the hooligans from N. Bettia take them down and so they won't. Elves Security Forces will provide more knockout round disappointment to Schiavones sending them home at the last eight for the second time in a row. Squornshelous will end the run of the other hosts and Jeruselem will squeak out a win over their friends from Bettia meaning both Bettian teams went out in the last eight.

Semifinals:

Archregimancy v Elves Security Forces
Squornshelous v Jeruselem

The Elves Security Forces will continue their dream run as they stop the Archregimancy, get revenge for the group stage and advance impressively. On the other side Jeruselem will advance to the finals for the second time in three cups with a close attacking win over Squornshelous.

Third Place Playoff:

Archregimancy v Squornshelous

The monks ought to have more motivation and that ought to be enough to get them past the ostensibly more talented team from Squornshelous.

Finals:

Elves Security Forces v Jeruselem

In a similar match to us falling short to Bettia this cup will once again come down to a young promising team against a long time power hoping to finally break through. And just as we fell short last cup Elves Security Forces will fall short as Jeruselem lifts the trophy they failed to grab two cups ago.

Elves Security Forces

30-04-2007, 07:39

Elven Times
Test of Valor

After several weeks of celebrating, training, and just soaking it all in, the Marauders find themselves getting back into the mold for competition. While the squad had the best record in qualification, due to a better goal differential over previous colony of Demot, and an unbeaten record, the squad recieved absolutely no love in the draw. Instead of perhaps getting the straggling three and four seeds that managed to grab their ticket through luck or playoff, the squad got two talent heavy squads, and another squad that has been a pain in the neck in Cups past. It really astonishes me that the World Cup Commitee would not seed the Marauders higher than a third given how well they performed in the qualification round. But perhaps they think that the squad only managed such an extravagant success because their group might of been weak? Well though that could be true, the fact that the group sent in three squads and not once did the Marauders taste the bitterness of a defeat leaves me scratching my head at the end of the day. However, like last tournament's squad, this one will have to rise above the adversity and prove their heart and valor once again.

Before I get to the group by group breakdown, I would like to go out on record and say that despite my optimism for the Marauders in the Finals, and my like of the gnomes of Az-cz, the thought of them predicting us finish second in the tournament is a bit in the lunancy department. It would take a run that mirrors Demot's and Az-cz's combined efforts four years before for such a miracously achievement to take place. Moreover, the fans of the navy and black can expect a strong showing from the Marauders, do not expect them to get past the round of sixteen. That said, an upset or two could see them possibly through to the octofinals, but no more than that would be forthcoming unless there is divine intervention from Elune.

Group 1
Ariddia
Errinundera
Tynelia
The HURD

Alright, so the hosts seem to have gotten a rather good draw for themselves, as the Potoros seem to be the only strong challange to their home field advantage from this viewpoint. The Tynelians did themselves good and made it here in one piece, seemingly shaking off their title as underachievers for good. The HURD's robots smashed their oppenents just enough to get here with some nuts and bolts still in tact, but expect that to be rearanged quickly. Tynelia snatches four points, but the hosts move on through due to a better goal differential. Better luck next time Tynelia.

Predicted Finish
Errinundera
Arridia
Tynelia
The HURD

Group 2
Jeruselem
The Lowland Clans
Oliverry
Green Wombat

Ok, so the squad that bimbo Dazza Dallas and her relations made famous are here to stamp their message out that a number two in the world they are, and even a slight poor performance in qualification does not strip them of that title. Our potential bid partners seem steady enough to hold their own against lesser foes like Oliverry and Wombat, but something tells me an upset is brewing in this group. The Wombats are the wild card, this group's outcome will rest solely on how they will perform in the high risk situation.

Predicted Finish
Jeruselem
The Lowland Clans
Green Wombat
Oliverry

Group 3
Squornshelous
Geisenfried
Starblaydia
Vilita

The groups that is home to three of the most hard to pronounce nations in the entire footballing world. That said, it is also home to four squads that have talent, history, and stature that any of them could ride straight into the knockouts. The sentimental favorites here are Starblaydia, being that this will be their last World Cup. In a strange twist of fate, depending on how well the Purple Peril are doing, their last match in this competition could come against the very nation that they started out against, Vilita. I suspect that the Starblaydians will fight hard to keep their Cup dreams afloat, but the groups' strength washes them away.

Predicted Finish
Squornshelous
Vilita
Starblaydia
Geisenfried

Group 4
Bettia
Commerce Heights
Assegai Developments
Fmjphoenix

Our regional rivals just can not ever seem to grab a break, as they progress to their second straight tournament, only to get a group whose top two seeds are both top ten nations. As much as I would love to say the Riskbreakers can overcome this hurdle, I just do not see it happening, though they will be able to knock off the Vikings of Fmjphoenix, who continue their slide down the talent totem. Bettia still looks strong to be my pick for this side of the bracket's representative in the Finals.

Predicted Finish
Bettia
Commerce Heights
Assegai Developments
Fmjphoenix

Group 5
Alasdair I Frosticus
Rejistania
Milchama
Nedalia

Onto the second host nation, and what a nice little draw they seem to have achieved as well. As the odd Rejistania squad is the only viewable threat to a good squad on its' home turf, the Holy Empire should make it through no problemo. The only question for me, is will that home advantage be enough for them to take the top spot. I say Yes, and in an emphatic way, likely a 4-1 win for the Empire. Nedalia surprises Milchama, and take the consolation victory and the three points it accompinies to hopefuly stem the flood of their decent.

Predicted Finish
Alasdair I Frosticus
Rejistania
Nedalia
Milchama

Group 6
Schiavonia
Wentland
Sel Appa
Northern Bettia

"Group to Hate" as it were, as the Schiavonians are the only real feel good squad out of this group. With Wentland and their completely disgusting defensive style of play, the record eraser of Sel Appa, and the dirty tactics of Northern Bettia, it is easy to see why this groups matches were snubbed by the Elven Sports Network. I see the Fire Ants surpassing the Turtles and the ugly defence to snatch second place and a knockout destiny, while the Schiavonians do us proud and go through with three wins and no goals against.

Predicted Finish
Schiavonia
Northern Bettia
Wentland
Sel Appa

Group 7
Az-cz
The Archregimancy
Elves Security Forces
Northern Caesarea

Then there was us, the best team during qualification, and in a rotten third seed in a very difficult group. Though the Pink and Green struggled to make it through, I expect them to come back and regain some of their lost reputation in a big way. However the Monks of the Archregimancy have a slight advantage here, as the nation also makes it home in the Dream Realm as the hosts of the Holy Empire do. I'm not positive, but this could be a huge difference between us moving on, and making an early exit. If we are to advance, Soler is going to need to keep the lads and lasses sharp and out of trouble. I've heard reports that the squad is going to be in complete lockdown, restricted only to the team's hotel and training groups. This diciplined approach might be Soler's only hope of keeping the squad focused enough to knock down their obsticles.

Predicted Finish
Az-cz
Elves Security Forces
The Archregimancy
Northern Caesera

Group 8
Demot
Bazalonia
Cafundéu
Zwangzug

I have to say, this might be the second most predictable group in the tournament. Two of the favorites here in the ESF are group together, as well as a nation that doesn't get much attention, and one we have never heard of even having a football program before. It's clear that the Dynamo are going to be straight on through, espicially after they posted the second best record in qualification, only behind ourselves due to the afore mentioned goal differential. The real battle will be between fan favorites Bazalonia and the strong Cafundeu side. I have to tip my hat here to the Bazalopes, as they have more expierence and slightly more talent. I think they make it through despite likely drawing the Cafundeus.

Predicted Finish
Demot
Bazalonia
Cafundéu
Zwangzug

Schedule
MD1: The Archregimancy v Elves Security Forces
MD2: Az-cz v Elves Security Forces
MD3: Elves Security Forces v Northern Caesera

Article by Luna Santapa

The Archregimancy

30-04-2007, 07:51

[OOC - Aaargh... entirely re-typed from scratch after losing the first version]

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

WORLD CUP TONIGHT

With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated

"...these inspiring scenes, Fr. John, as the Patriarch of Alasdairopolis - head of both the Orthodox Church of the Holy Empire and the Holy Synod of the Archregimancy - visits the Archregimancy's training ground to give his personal blessing to the squad as they prepare for the forthcoming World Cup finals."

"Truly inspiring, Fr. Nicholas, and I believe that he reserved special praise for coach Fr. David's ass... It seems we have footage... yes, observe as the Patriarch gently runs his hands through the soft, downy fur on the cheeks, stroking Fr. David's ass in a truly holy scene of devotion before sprinkling it with Holy Water in blessing...."

"Surely these scenes remove your concerns over the donkey-chasing controversy, Fr. John? If the Patriarch has given his personal blessing, surely the Monastic Association Against Donkey Exploitation will have to remove its objections to the training technique?"

"I'm not so sure, Fr. Nicholas. Apparently MAADE members have been banned from travelling to the Holy Empire for the tournament, but they might well argue that His All-Holiness doesn't grasp the theological implications of donkey chasing, and I'd expect them to send a strongly-worded letter of concern. I expect that this controversy might well still run, especially if the squad reach the second round."

"Moving on to other topics, Fr. John... the World Cup draw... any concerns about the other teams in our group? What about Az-cz nudity? Is this a cause for concern?"

"I don't particularly think so."

"I'm stunned, Fr. John...."

"Well, you see, it's like this... The gnomes aren't human, are they?"

"Apparently not...."

"Therefore, Fr. Nicholas, one might well argue - theologically speaking - that as non-humans, they are little more than soulless base animals. Unusually intelligent humanoid ones, true, but base animals nonetheless. And does a God-fearing monk flinch at the sight of the naked ouran-outang? Do we flinch at the nudity of the mountain gorilla when observing the God-created majesty of the silverback? Does the lemur lie awake at night contemplating the sinfulness of its unclothed self? Do the spry and playful antics of the chimpanzee... alright, so maybe that last one was a bad example, but the point remains that we wouldn't be shocked by a nude spider monkey, so why should be shocked by gnomish nudity? Just so long as they don't start actively fornicating in the middle of the pitch - which would surely see them shown a red card anyway - then I see no cause for concern."

"I see. Are you sure this isn't just an elaborate theological excuse to try and avoid the blindfolded match fiasco from the last tournament?"

"Absolutely not, Fr. Nicholas. Soulless animals, including intelligent humanoid ones, should be treated with the same kindness and consideration with which we treat all of God's creation, but if we aren't bothered at the nudity of an ape, I see no reason to be bothered by the nudity of a gnome."

"And what about the other teams, Fr. John? Elves Security Forces and Northern Caesarea?"

"Heathens or heretics both, but perhaps they've yet to be exposed to the beauty of the fullness of Orthodoxy, and perhaps we can do something about that - if we can convert an Errinunderan genderqueer to Orthodoxy, surely we can bring these teams to the One True Church?"

"No, Fr. John... I meant, what about our footballing chances against them?"

"Surely that's almost incidental, Fr. Nicholas, but for the record I expect both teams to be dangerous, but that we'll brush aside the Caesareans - nice Biblical allusion in the name there, by the way, so maybe they're not all bad - and that getting the right result against ESF in the first match will be crucial. I for one have some hope, for playing in the Holy Empire is almost a home match for us - it's the one nation, other than perhaps Magnus Valerius, where we can guarantee lots of local support. And at least we're familiar with the local conditions...."

[NS:]The HURD

30-04-2007, 10:44

From Faure's blog:

Friends, HURDists, fans of the national team, pronhounds who still lack the decency to hide their referrers, fans of the GNUs, Acapaisians, fans of the Acapaisian national team, foreign journalists, members of the blogosphere,

Yes, we qualified. I think this is no 'flying pig' event as it appeared aven though we had to improvise a bit in parts of the game. but then, who doesn't? Acapais was a very adaptive opponent. We could not easily edit our GNUs for better tactics against them. Well, At our ground that worked well, but at Acapias, bandwidth was low and we all were jetlagged. Well, and the fact that no one bothered making a good module for the penalty kicks. It was no fun to patch the players during the shootout, but well, at least that led to us being underestimated and victorious. I predict that the group stage won't be as easy.

Sooooooo... anyone can give us GNUs some info on Ariddia, comment here! What I already know is that we need to stock up on spare parts - and get a good translation software for French.

Join us now and share the software!

Errinundera

30-04-2007, 13:25

Feature article from the McKillops Bridge (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/McKillops_Bridge) New Statesman

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TRIBUTES FOR ARCHANGEL FROM MILLIONS OF FANS

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/Angel993.jpg

The angelic, genderqueer rosaniel played quer last international game on Errinundrian soil two weeks ago when que kicked a hat trick in the remarkable rain-affected match against Okielahoma. More remarkable were the millions who lined the route from Milosis, here in McKillops Bridge, to First Creek Falls and beyond to Rooty Break. Each of them hoping to get one last glimpse of the person they believe must surely be Errinundera’s greatest ever footballer.

As rosaniel and the rest of the team head off seeking World Cup nirvana in the Ariddian paradise we decided to find out the exact nature of the spell que has put on the nation. To do this we followed that now famous train journey and interviewed people along the way. With few exceptions rosaniel was held in awe by everyone we spoke with. The few that spoke disparagingly of quer (mostly from the unwashed half of McKillops Bridge) are undoubtedly barrackers of teams que has single-handedly demolished.

We started our journey in Milosis, the upper section of McKillops bridge where rosaniel grew up in a cave overlooking the river.

heelcar (Milosis cave decorator and childhood playmate): Que used to beat me in everything we did – wrestling, running, swimming, chucking yonnies at teachers, you name it. It was great for me. It taught me humility from an early age.

robenal (McKillops Bridge Kingfishers fan and plumber): I’d like to see quer barbecued over the Parliament House in First Creek Falls next time it gets burned down. Que carries Milosis. They are useless without quer.

dupuydelôme (Deddick ship designer): Que is the keel that keeps the team steady, the rudder the gives it direction, the buoyancy that keeps it afloat and the horsepower that motors it along.

onaldaing (Amboyne Crossing psychiatrist): Even though que is revered by all right-minded people throughout the nation there is something awful about her. By that I mean something supernatural, beyond our ken. It creates an aura that enhances quer charisma and quer authority. I guess that’s why que’s called the Archangel.

hicoury (Dellicknora food co-operative volunteer): So many footballers are total and utter wankers. None of them are half as good as quer. Yet que never bignotes herself; que just gets on with the job. And with quer, the job is a joy to watch.

juliannera (Cabanandra leaf arranger): Before quer true genetic gender was revealed my partner and I had a bet as to whether que was a man or a woman. He won the bet but it was still fun doing what he wanted. I don’t know how he could tell. Sometimes que looked like a man; sometimes que looked like a woman. Gorgeous either way.

testile (Bonang farmer): I was there in World Cup 32 when the potoroos went to Squornshelous – the reigning world champions – and que kicked a hat trick in the 2-3 victory. I was happier than I was on my wedding night.

(rosaniel famously said of that match: “We have travelled to one of the most intimidating places on earth, where the inhabitants have hate in their eyes, where the football team is the world champion and rated #1, and we beat them!”

squilectabilu (Fanny Moo leech breeder): Seeing quer play is the only time that I think of myself as an Errinundrian rather than a Fanny.

loriuhippu (Goonmirk Rocks botanist from his hospital bed): I was at Frosty Hollow the other week. That’s how I got pneumonia. Doctors say it nearly killed me. It was ghastly – the pneumonia that is – but it was worth it to see that rain and those hat tricks.

livamilto (First Creek Falls social commentator): The Errinundrian fascination for rosaniel is based on our love of the uncertain, the undefined, the surreal and the anomalous but, above all, the exceptional. Que is all these things in one package.

soflaw (former potoroo team mate and now Forest Shining coach): Despite quer uncanny skills rosaniel puts quer team mates and the fans ahead of herself. Que would be a dream to coach and a superb role model for younger players.

We give the last word to mckennap, former potoroo strapper who knew rosaniel intimately (well, her feet anyway). “Que was all these things people say but que was always detached from everyone around quer – never close. It wasn’t arrogance. It was as if quer brain was wired differently. Everyone worshipped her anyway.”

Schiavonia

30-04-2007, 16:27

"Xav."

"Yes, David?"

"I'm confused."

"Why?"

"Well, you know how I've told you all about my situation."

"How you were in that other place playing football, went on a night out and woke up here?"

"Only..."

"Only you're not awake, and you're convinced that all of this isn't real."

"That's it."

"And I think you're completely crazy, but go along with it just for the crack."

"Hey, less of that."

"Go on then."

"Well, what I don't understand is that our games in the World Cup are in the Dreamed Realm."

"What don't you get about it?"

"Well, isn't this my dream?"

"I... Of course not. This is real, and you know it is. Really. Don't you?"

"I... I wish I knew what was going on."

"Look..."

*Xavier slaps David*

"OW! What was that for?"

"You felt that, didn't you?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Would you feel that if you were dreaming?"

"I... I guess not..."

"So?"

"So this is real."

"Exactly."

"But what about my... my other life?"

"You don't have another life."

"I... do..."

"Look, David, I know why you're here."

"You... do...?"

"Yes. You know how I picked you up in your first morning here?"

"Yes..."

"Well, I knew you were there."

"How..."

"Because... I'm on your side. I've known you all the time, ever since you used to play at Marsdeners."

"Marsdeners?"

"You remember playing for Marsdeners?"

"No... I played for Hyde United, and I was just about to get my shot at the big time and then I ended up here."

"Look, I know who you are. That's just something they made up to give you a history. Obviously you believed it too much. The reason you are here is because... well, you're under cover for the Schiavone Secret SErvice."

"No such thing exists!"

"Of course it does! It's just... well, it's been a secret..."

"Ah."

"Anyway, your job here is to try and develop some humanity in these people. They just seem to believe what they're told, that they have to be nice to everyone."

"Except Northern Caesareans."

"What? Oh, of course except for the Northern Caesareans. But anyway, we picked you out because we saw you had the skill and that... well, you weren't as constantly nice as the Schiavones. Hell, you're not even Schiavone."

"I know. I'm Engli..."

"You're from Northern Bettia."

"What?"

"You're from Northern Bettia, and you came here to teach the people here some emotions."

"No. That's lies."

"Of course not. Daffyd Jones. How more Bettian can you get?"

"It's David, not..."

"Look, you've done well so far, getting under cover. They really believe that you're Schiavone."

"But... I..."

"Now all you have to do is affect your team's games the best you can to let your team through."

"But... I can't do that. I'm not one of them."

"The Oneiromancer won't be happy if you don't."

"And I won't be happy if I do. I'm not doing it, Xav. I'm more a Schiavone than I am from anywhere else in this warped idea of reality. Now, if you don't mind, I'll be on my way."

And with that, he walked off.

- - - - -

The Schiavone Scribe
Dream Draw

Schiavonia have been drawn to play in the Holy Empire for the World Cup 34 finals.

The team will face WC33 semi-finalists Wentland, a dangerous (in footballing terms) Sel Appa team and the dangerous (in the more literal sense) Northern Bettians.

Sloths team manager Tony Tarmey fancies his teams chances, but knows it will be tough.

He said, "This is the second cup in a row where we have been amongst the favourites, and with the teams we have in Group F, we should make it through to the next stage. Wentland went further than we did last cup, Sel Appa ran Jeruselem close in their qualifying group, while Northern Bettia... well, we know what a bunch of bastards they can be. They can harrasse anyone into losing a game."

"It's going to take a lot to win through, but I'd like to think we could do it."

Meanwhile, Sloths midfielder Isla Blige will be appearing on DazMania, a popular phone in quiz show in Jeruselem, during World Cup 34. A special link is being put up to broadcast the show in Schiavonia, so that all of her fans back home will be able to see her.

"It should be fun," Isla told us, "But not as fun as our game against Northern Bettia might be. You see, in a diversionary tactic, I shall be wearing as little as those in charge of the Holy Empire will let me without getting sent home. In fact, I should have a word with them about how far they'll let me go!"

Ariddia

30-04-2007, 16:56

http://img67.imageshack.us/img67/2599/paulinewu2b2ey8.jpg

Pauline Wu ( http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Pauline_Wu) reporting for Réseaux ( http://i141.photobucket.com/albums/r56/kelchek/reseaux-screen.jpg)

For Ariddians, World Cup 34 about to begin

As countless supporters in other parts of the world celebrate their team’s qualification for the final stages, or quietly go back to their normal lives following their stars’ defeat, Ariddians are getting ready to make the players, staff and supporters of fifteen foreign nations welcome in the nineteen semi-tropical islands of the Social Republic.

“All six of our national stadia (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ariddia%27s_football_team#Stadia_in_Ariddia) have been modernised again for the occasion,” Assistant Secretary for Sport Thomas East told us. “And I’ve heard that a lot of people living very near each stadium are offering to provide accomodation for visiting supporters. Of course, our country’s hotels (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Hotel_R%C3%AAvane_Central), including backpapers’ hotels (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Backpackers%E2%80%99_Red_House), are ready to meet the flow of tourists coming in for the World Cup.”

Amongst the countries drawn to play in Ariddia are Errinundera, Jeruselem, Oliverry, Starblyadia and Bettia. The Errinundrians – who qualified with spectacular style from the play-offs – will, much to everyone’s pleasure, be travelling to the PDSRA. They will even be playing against Ariddia in Group A.

“We’ll be looking forward to meeting them on the field again,” Rouge-et-Noirs captain Xavier Xu (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Xavier_Xu) said. “The potoroos are really a very good team, who’ve proven several times that they can beat us. And it’ll just be great to meet them, and their supporters, again.”

Xu himself studied at the Errinundera Football Academy (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ellery_Camp#National_Football_Academy), and has fond memories of his time there.

“Any Errinundrians who want to visit Ariddia during, before or after the Cup will be made to feel more than welcome,” a local official on Ahwa’u island (which houses ubhashinim Ahwa’u Stadium (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ubhashinim_Ahwa%27u_Stadium), said.

Meanwhile, the flags of Errinundera, Tynelia, the HURD, Jeruselem, the Lowland Clans, Oliverry, Green Wombat, Squornshelous, Geisenfried, Starblaydia, Vilitia, Bettia, Commerce Heights, Assegai Developments and Fmjphoenix are already lining the streets in Rêvane, Haven, Wavecrest and other parts of the country. On bus stops, on the outside walls of public buildings and elsewhere, large signs read, in a variety of languages, “Ariddia welcomes team Lowland Clans and supporters” or “L’Ariddia souhaite la bienvenue à l’équipe de Tynelie et à ses supporters”.

A spokesman for the Secretariat for External Affairs re-iterated this message of welcome, and supplied a few details for visitors.

“Our climate is warm, sunny and generally quite humid, so dress accordingly,” he explained. “You’ll find that Ariddians are very hospitable, and open-minded, and willing to help you if ever you need help of any kind. There’s no real dress code here, so even if a foreign lady wants to walk around topless, no-one will be shocked, and it’s not illegal. You can buy Ariddian credits on arrival at the airport; you’ll need them to buy anything, except if you have Ariddian citizenship. I’m sure you’ll have a good time here, but please remember to respect our country’s natural environment. Our forests and parks are beautiful and undamaged; please help us keep them that way. Lastly, but this is important, it’s illegal to bring any ‘product’ taken from a slaughtered animal into the country. Yes, that includes fish, shellfish, gelatine and leather. Thank you, and we look forward to welcoming you here in Ariddia.”

For more information, prospective visitors can go to www.sctp.gouv.ari/tourisme/info/en/world_cup, www.pina.ari/en/about_ariddia/tourism/world_cup, contact the nearest Ariddian embassy, or visit the Ariddian cultural centre in your city.

related news
Ariddia confirms use of Arctic stadium

The Ariddian Football Association has confirmed that the Arctic National Stadium, in the Ariddian Arctic Islands (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ariddian_Arctic_Islands), will indeed be used for the World Cup – “probably for a couple of matches or so”, according to an AFA spokesman.

Schiavonia

30-04-2007, 19:22

"Dana?"

"Yes, Fil."

"Why haven't we done our Pre-World Cup predictions show this time around?"

"Because they're going with the story about young David Jones. It's much more interesting than another run through of the groups that you can get on most stations around the world, anyway."

"Really?"

"Yeah. That, plus it's part of the deal to get Isla Blige's showing on DazMania broadcast on Schiavone TV."

"You mean, they shifted our show for her?"

"No. I mean they didn't want you to predict them to win again, only for them to fail spectacularly to do so."

"Oh."

Cafundeu

30-04-2007, 20:36

GLOBO MULTIMEDIA'S NEWS TV - SPORTS SECTION

IVO HOLANDA (the host of the program) - "We know that the group stage of the World Cup is very important, and everybody is looking forward to the beginning of the games. But the fact is that the group draw wasn't too exciting for the Cafundelenses, as they were expecting to play against countries that they never played before, something that didn't happen. But in the end of this section we'll hear a short comment about the group draw made by Breno Gavião. From now, let's go to the other news, related to the kidnapping of The Scout in an unknown place. Jeruselem media said that he is dead. Although it is possible, as we have no information about his situation, he can be alive, as the kidnappers already asked for money, and because he was captured alive. So, let's go to the last news of the investigation."

GINA FERRAZ (reporter) - "I'm in Lasft, here in Cafundéu, where the CCFM is trying to discover something about The Scout's strange kidnapping, which happened after he was shot somewhere by someone. Most of the details remain unknown, and the only thing that the Special Agency of Sports Investigations know is that he was watching a game in a stadium. Desperated, the CCFM decided to use the spiritual talents of Pai Dinah de Oxossi Guibar, the team's spy, to discover the place where The Scout is now. Let's hear what Pai Dinah will say."

PAI DINAH - "Hmmmmmmmmm... ohaiê.... aikaramambá... oixiquidumxiquidum... oioiouiuiuiiapúúú... I think that I'm feeling something, something very hot..."

GINA FERRAZ - "Pai Dinah, you're putting your hands on a candle!"

PAI DINAH - "Oh my God, why you didn't warn me?"

(after some minutes)

GINA FERRAZ - "The doctors had already take care of Dinah's hands, and he is ready to continue."

PAI DINAH - "Olaiê... tiquiridum... camaxambá... I sense something inside me... I need something... maybe he is calling me... no, I know what it is."

GINA FERRAZ - "What it is, Pai Dinah?"

PAI DINAH - "I'm hungry. I need to eat something before continuing."

(after nearly an hour)

GINA FERRAZ - "Dinah has just returned from the restaurant. Now we'll see what happened to The Scout!"

PAI DINAH - "Vambora filho... ohxogum... iemanjádiacarajé... I got it, I got it! It's difficult to see something, very difficult, but it seems that he is alive! But he seems to be in a place far away from here. He is in a completely different reality, like in another world. He was captured by a group, but it's very difficult to see more."

GINA FERRAZ - "And Pai Dinah finishes talking. I didn't understand what he tried to say, but it seems that there is still hope. In the next three hours, the Cafundéu players, staff, directors and members of the media and the big companies will enter in the portal and go to the Dreamed Realm, to travel to Alasdair I Frosticus. There, the team will play the World Cup. Thanks, Ivo."

IVO HOLANDA - "Thanks, Gina. And now, as promised, Breno Gavião will comment about the group of Cafundéu in the World Cup."

BRENO GAVIÃO - "And herrrrre I am! Cafundéu's grrrrroup is morrrrre difficult than the one of the last Worrrrrld Cup, so David Nefasto's team will have to worrrrrk a lot to qualify. Our strrrrrongest opponents will be Demot. We've alrrrrready faced them in the qualifiers, and we lost twice, so it'll be a big challenge. Bazalonia is another tough opponent. We played a frrrrriendly against them durrrrring the qualifiers, and lost too. But everrrrrything can happen, and Cafundéu will have to get a good rrrrresult against them to qualify. The worrrrrst team of the grrrrroup in terms of rrrrranking is Zwangzug. Cafundéu played against them in the qualifiers for Worrrrrld Cup thirty-three, and won the two matches. But now they arrrre a bit strrrrronger, although we still arrrrre the favourites in this game. So, Cafundéu prrrrrobably won't be able to qualify, but the supporters still have hope. Thanks, Ivo."

IVO HOLANDA - "Thanks, Breno. And this ends the sport section of this program."

Vilita

30-04-2007, 23:32

http://www.3wideracing.com/3wide/sites/ao/vilita/images/ttov.gif

History Comes Full Circle in Finals Draw

After winning the Cup of Harmony for World Cup 14, the Colony of Vilita was riding high, and their region, a small never before known realm called 'Atlantian Oceania' was looking to expand. Using their weight as newly crowned Cup of Harmony champions, the Vilitan Nation began recruiting up and coming nations to establish its home region. From far and wide, invitations were sent out, and one of those invitations was sent to an upstart nation called Starblaydia who were preparing to enter their first World Cup, and their first event of any kind after missing the star studded Baptism of Fire Cup that included Turori and Krytenia.

Few could predict the bright future for this purple loving nation, but it all started right here, with newly found regionmates Vilita and Starblaydia not only drawn together in World Cup qualifying, but also scheduled to meet on the very first day of competition, a match which went as expected, with the higher rated Vilitans introducing their young regionmates to the international football stage in a harsh way, by handing the Starblaydi team their first ever competitive defeat. Vilita would go on to advance from the group to the World Cup Finals for the first time in their nations history.

This matchup in World Cup 15 was just the first of many moments of history the two nations would share over their historic World Cup campaigns. Mimicking the feat of Vilita, Starblaydia would take just two failed attempts to overcome before reaching their first World Cup Finals, qualifying in their third attempt for the finals hosted by none-other than the Tropics Of Vilita, the first World Cup hosted by the nation at the heart of a growing young Atlantian Oceania region. Three cups later and another shared moment in history, with Starblaydia being the hosts for the first and only time in their history, the Tropics of Vilita would lift the World Cup Trophy for the first and only time in their history, also showing the rise to prominence of the Atlantian Oceania region which both nations stood as figureheads for, with at least one Atlantian Oceania nation being a finalist for 12 consecutive cups, a streak that finally ended in World Cup 31, a tournament which was hosted by two nations from Atlantian Oceania.

As World Cup 34 rolled along, both Vilita and Starblaydia had fallen from their once more glorious places amongst the World Cup elite. The former World Champions had both dropped from the Top 10 in the rankings, and after a disappointing winless showing in World Cup 33, two-time World Champions Starblaydia announced that World Cup 34 would be their last. In the true spirit of a long term rivalry, the Vilitan's quickly put their Starblaydi rivals in their sites.

Originally Posted by Vilita (10-04-2007)
Originally Posted by Starblaydia (10-04-2007)
Ladies and gentlemen, boys (the largest group of viewers, obviously) and girls,

World cup 34 will be Starblaydia's last appearance on the World Stage of Football.

I thank you.
We'll have to get drawn together.

I beat you in your first game in the NSWC, may as well beat you in your last as well.

After missing the World Cup 33 Finals, Vilitan's were at best skeptical of getting their chance to hand their long time rivals one last defeat, but led by Vilitan legend Callum Banda, the Jungle Cats went nuts, securing qualification with three days to spare and winning their qualifying group. Then, a rivalritic jest turned into reality as the World Cup 34 group draw took place at the Imperial Hippodrome. The two teams were drawn together into Group 3 in Ariddia along with former champions Squornshelous and World Cup 32 hosts Geisenfried. To add one final twist in the story, Vilita and Starblaydia will meet in Ariddia, the home of the world cup creators themselves, in what could be the final competitive match for Starblaydia, should Vilita record the victory that they promised before the cup even began.

An expected announcement regarding Rory Issah's replacement as head of the Vilitan Football Association has been delayed until after the historic Vilita-Starblaydia matchup.

Milchama

01-05-2007, 00:31

"Shoot, why didn't we pray to Margaret for the Az-Cz baseball series?"

"Homework"

"Bugger that we have bigger things to fry this is the World Cup"

"Very very true, leggo"

"No toys this time"

"Ok"

"Make the siren sound and let us begin the prayer"

"Yes sir!"

*22 minutes and 1,000 people later*

"Did somebody bring a rubber chicken"

"We brought two sir to doubly gurantee victory"

"Ummmm... is that allowed? Would Margaret approve?"

"I'm not sure"

"We'll go with one for now, not until outrounds shall we use two of the mystical rubber chickens"

"Let us start the ceremony"

"Oh great Margaret we pray that our first foes of Rejistania get taken out by your grace and glory"

"Everybody say what I say and do what I do!"

''Ringa pakia!''
''Uma tiraha!''
''Turi whatia!''
''Hope whai ake!''
''Waewae takahia kia kino!''
''Ka mate, ka mate''
''Ka ora, ka ora''
''Ka mate, ka mate''
''Ka ora, ka ora''
''Tēnei te tangata pūhuruhuru''
''Nāna nei i tiki mai whakawhiti te rā''
''Ā upane, ka upane''
''Whiti te rā, hī!''

"Nice job now everybody strip and everybody repeat after the Mayor"

"Zooletti"
"Estevaki" "Estevaki"
"Nolinko"
"Womariotina" Womariotina"
"Fetefalli"
"Wehpeh" "Wehpeh"

"Now strip and run around"

*18 minutes of random running, tripping and rioting later*

"Margaret may you accept our sacrifice on behalf of Milchama that we may beat the infidels Rejistania and any other teams that we play in international sports"

*A swipe at the rubber chicken*

"Huzzah! He got it!"

"Thank you Margaret for listening to this ceremony"

Jeruselem

01-05-2007, 01:03

Somewhere in Arridia ... Dazza is on the phone

Dazza: Phil, phil you there?
Phil: Hi Dazza.
Dazza: Is Isla Blige's appearance on track?
Phil: Yes, that Schiavonia babe is ready for our show.

Dazza: Good good, this should get some ratings.
Phil: Don't worry Dazza, it under control over here at DazMania.
Dazza: What's she going to wear?
Phil: I don't know, didn't ask. As much as you I guess

Dazza: That's not much sometimes.
Phil: We've never had a a naked presenter yet
Dazza: Well, I don't think that's actually legal
Phil: It is if the show is after 2 AM and before 8 AM

Dazza: Oh yes ...
Phil: Something wrong?
Dazza: Just THE SCOUT, sleep with the guy once and then he disappears.
Phil: It'll be fine Dazza.

Alasdair I Frosticus

01-05-2007, 04:21

IT'S......

THE WORLD CUP SHOW

With Basil and Theo

"Basil!"

"Theo!"

"Another World Cup in the Holy Empire.... who'd have thought...."

"I know... amazing stuff, Theo ."

"It's been a very long time since World Cup 2, Basil, but I can't stress enough how excited I am."

"You're excited, then?"

"I just said that, didn't I."

"Said what?"

"That I'm excited."

"Excited? About what?"

"About the... Oh never mind, Basil. Just take your medication and we can move on. Tonight, we've been asked to bring our viewers this very special show, commenting on the World Cup finals draw in our inimitable style..."

"Our what, Theo?"

"Our inimitable style, Basil"

"I'm sorry, but I'm not doing any of that with you. I ain't some Errinunderan genderqueer poof, you know."

"I'm sorry, Basil?"

"I just told you, I ain't no arsebandit, and I'm not getting inimitable with you not 'ere or nowhere else."

"I think there's a misunderstanding, Basil... Inimitable means 'distinctive', not 'intimate'."

"Oh. Errrr.... sorry about that."

"Since when have you been suffering from such inveterate homophobia anyway, Basil?"

"I ain't suffering from nuttin' inveterate - me doctor gave me a shot for that last month."

"I see. And since when have you started speaking with a working class English accent, anyway?"

"Me, working class? With my upbringing and breeding? How dare you, sir. I demand satisfaction."

"Well, I'm sorry, Basil, but I can't help but think that we're getting just a little bit distracted..."

"From the World Cup draw? Of course. Group 1 sees our co-hosts take on Errinundera, Tynelia and the HURD. The first two seeds are very attacking squads, and the second two are two of the most defensive teams in the tournament - Arridia and Errinundera to go through, Big T."

"Thanks, Baz, and group 2 has Jeruselem - early favourites of many pundits to do well - facing the Lowland Clans, Oliverry, and Green Wombat. Jeruselem to go through easily, but it's hard to pick between the Clans and Oliverry for second. I'll pick the Frenchies because I have to pick someone, and the poor little wombats will be going home feeling just a little green."

"In Group 3, Theo, the Pschychoes of Sqournshelous are top seeds after a difficult campaign where the FA threatened to kill the entire squad if they didn't go through. Looks like the threat worked, but will the squad relax now they're safe from execution? I think they'll just squeak through, with in-form fourth seeds Vilita causing a surprise after beating sentimental favourites Starblaydia and holding Geisenfried to a draw."

"Any truth to the rumours that the Basileus has ordered a guard of honour to lead Starblaydia and Vilita into the ground for their match, Basil?"

"I can confirm that, Theo... the Imperial guard will be perform a pre-match salute for this historic occasion - a rare honour for Ordinary Reality teams."

"Group 4, Basil.... It's hard to go past World Number One Bettia and 10th-ranked Commerce Heights - two top ten teams in one group, ouch. Assegai Developments will just be glad for the experience in this company, while only time will tell if Fmjphoenix's decline is permanent or temporary."

"Over to group 5, Theo, which as the home of the Holy Empire holds special interest for our viewers. And I'd argue that it's a tough group... Rejistania, Milchama, Nedalia - these are all teams with current and past form. Nonetheless, I'd expect our screaming fanatical home fans - and our almost unique experience in Dreamed Realm conditions - to give us the edge and propel us into second behind a slightly surprising Milchama. Rejistania and Nedalia will be going home.

"Group 6, Basil, sees in-from Schiavonia take on the defensive Wentland Swifts, the turtles of Sel Appa, and the violent fireants of Northern Bettia. Schiavonia and Wentland, surely. Incidentally, I've been asked by some 'friends' to read this message out live on air."

"Do you have to?"

"They were very persuasive, Basil. The message is for the Northern Bettia FA, and reads: THE GIANT ANTS KNOW THE TRUE WAY"

"What? You had to read this drivel out in the middle of the show? Right now?

"As I said, my 'friends' were very persuasive."

"Anyway, Theo, your lunacy about giant ants aside... Group 7.... And another one of special interest, because it has the monks from our Archregimancy territory taking on Az-cz, Elves Security Forces, and Northern Caesarea. Interesting one this, because the third and fourth seeds were in tremendous qualifying form. Did they peak too early? I expect this one to be very tight, but the monks to go through, joined by ESF, with Az-cz's pessimism becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy."

"Finally, group 8, Basil. Here we have World Cup 33 surprises Demot face off against Bazalonia, Cafundéu, and first-time qualifiers Zwangzug. The World Cup software designers are surely going home, but I can't shake a nagging feeling that Demot - for all their qualifying form - will struggle in the tournament proper, and that Bazalonia and Cafundéu will be going through."

"And that just about wraps it up, Theo."

"So it does, Basil. So, if I can just take a moment to explain what homophobia is...."

"I told you, I had a shot for that last month."

"Oh never mind....."

Demot

01-05-2007, 06:45

Diary Entry 014

Follow the wind until you can run no longer, seek shelter, let the fruit of the friend renew your strength, and make your mark at the finish

The words of our forefathers, John Demos to be specific, hold true even more now than they did then, those few hundred years before. Now that the grueling course of the qualification is done, the team and I took two weeks off to regnerate mentally and physically. For me, I was able to spend quality time with Samantha Black, my wife, and a few of my friends in Skyhaven. It's always refreshing to be with your own people, not having the daily stess that my career puts on myself. Those moments when all is quiet, and you can look out into the street and see kids playing ball and just genuinely having a good time, while you hold hands with your spouse and relax are soo precious. Though I love my job, and all that is has given me, it is those moments in time, as rare as they are, that I strive and live for. Call me crazy, but it's true that the little things in life are what makes living all worth the while.

Well, to get back on topic of footy, we've been drawn into a managable group, and look strong to easily move on into the knock outs. Given our admirable qualification campaign, where we did not lose a single match and were second in overall standing, behind only the silly former colony master of the Elves Security Forces, I can't help but think that we are in top form. I know some pundits out there think we might of peaked too early and that we'll suffer from a lack of expierence in the Finals. But do I need to mention of how underrated and underestimated last tournament, when we then went on to finish third in the competition? I think our track, though it might be well short, gives a solid basis for us to live up to our rank of eigth best nation in the world. Our competition, while very solid, is not at our level yet, and I believe that we will be able to use this slight edge to our advantage. Of the three other teams in our group, only Bazalonia seems to have stamped out the majority of their flaws. And given how they prepare, and their expierence in the greatest regional tournament in the entire world, the AOCAF, I suspect our regionmates to squeak on through to the knockouts with us. Cafendeu gave us two very solid efforts during the qualification campaign, and I would expect nothing less from these proud warriors of the pitch, but it will not be enough against our talent and the might of the Bazalonians. Zwangzug will be happy just to be here, and should not take the results likely coming to them too harshly, and it will give them the learning expierence we had during our first Cup in our second tournament.

I give my blessings to all my teammates and I wish all the competitors well and luck in the oncoming fixtures. Let the best team win, the the stars perform up to their calling, and let the fans get what they deserve. We all must keep in mind that this game is but entertainment in the end, and who are we if we do not remember this fact and our place in it. Be that my lesson for this blog, always remember your position in the world, and never let your concentration on the goal waver.

~ David Masteron

Alasdair I Frosticus

01-05-2007, 07:47

This is an RP cut-off for the Ariddia groups only

Scores and tables for Ariddia groups may be found here (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12598461&postcount=23).

Bettia

01-05-2007, 09:16

OOC: oops, missed the cut-off.
-----------------------------------------------

Different occasions often mean different things for different people. A birthday means the world to a child. Lailat-ul-qadr is THE night for praying. A holiday can be a lifesaver for some poor hard-working soul who earned it.

This time of year however always drives Bettians crazy - it's that brief lull in between qualifying and the world cup proper. It's that time that sees a mass exodus from these shores to whichever nation fate has decided that the Aroras will play their games in, a time when many families wave a happy goodbye to their loved ones and tell them to bring back a nice souvenir, or else.

This year's destination of choice is Ariddia, a rather apt destination seeing as the capital cities of our two nations are twinned, and back in the Pie & Pixie, the locals are sat ready in expectation, discussing the Aroras' first match against fellow AOians Fmjphoenix.

"Well, as long as they don't give us a good tonking again, I'll be happy." Ali said with a little chuckle.

"What's a tonking, Uncle Ali?" Fatarani asked from her rather unusual position sitting upside-down from an inflatable football fixed to the ceiling.

"It's when one team completely thrashes the living daylights out of the other."

"What, like Northern Bettian fans like to do other teams' fans?"

"No, not like that. It's when the team scores loads of goals."

"Ohhh, like we did against all the teams in our group?"

"Yes, that's right."

"Not like a Northern Bettian thrashing."

"No. In fact, their fans won't be doing any of that at all now that they've been drawn in the Holy Empire! Good job too - bloody morons."

At that point Junilun, who had been away for almost the entire day, suddenly appeared in the middle of the café, and she floated her way towards the counter muttering something under her breath.

"Hey sis! What's up?" Fatarani cried happily.

"Hmmm? Oh, I heard some rather disturbing rumours so I thought I'd go and check them out. I have some bad news - Northern Bettia are going to the Holy Empire."

"Yes, we know. It was on the news yesterday. They've got Schiavonia in the first game." Ali replied.

Junilun shook her head. "No, they're literally going to the Holy Empire - the earmy, air force, navy, the lot. They're wanting the Oneiromancer for themselves."

Fatarani gasped and pointed at her sister. "Ah! You said the O-word!"

"How do you know all this?" Ali asked.

"Oh, a little qariin told me."

"Qariin? You mean those little devil thingys that hang around and try and get you to do bad things?"

"Yep, that's them. It was one who hangs around with their navy chief."

"But why would a qariin tell you stuff like that?"

"Oh, qariin are wimps. They'll tell an ifrit anything if you apply the right pressure." she said with a sweet little glint in her eyes. "Allow me to demonstrate!"

With that, she lunged forward towards Ali and grabbed at something above his shoulder. All of a sudden, a hideous cry of fright could be heard and a small mottled red goblin-type creature could be seen trying hard to wrench itself free from the grip Junilun had around its neck.

Ali jumped back in shock. "That's a qariin?"

"Yes. Horrible, isn't it?"

"I'll say. It's red!"

Junilun laughed the best she could. She was doing her best to fit in, but like most of the world, she still didn't understand the average Bettian's dislike of the colour red. She glared at the qariin.

"You're going to tell me everything I want to know, qariin." she said coolly.

"Oh no I'm not!" it croaked.

"Yes you are!" she growled, tightening her hold.

"Alright, alright, just loosen your grip!" Junilun did so, and it breathed a sigh of relief. "What do you want to know?"

Junilin tittered - she was obviously enjoying this. "What did Uncle Ali have for breakfast 781 days ago?" The qariin gave her a strange look, which for a small mottled red goblin-type creature was nothing new.

"What kind of question is that, you dumb..."

It never got the chance to finish its sentence as, quick as a flash, Junilun once again got it in a stranglehold.

"Okay, okay! He had a bowl of porridge with half an apple cored and cut into thin slices on top, with a big mug of tea. Happy now?"

"Very" she said smugly as she let it go. The qariin slumped its head sadly and whimpered.

"That really hurt, you know."

Junilun looked less than impressed.

"So? What do you want me to do about it?"

The qariin looked at her out of the corner of its piggy red eyes.

"Well, you could allow me to have a good cry in your bosom!" it yelled as it suddenly jumped and reached out towards Junilun's chest. It didn't get very far though - the young ifrit was far too quick and she soon had its hand in a vice-like grip before proceeding to slam it up and down on the table like a rag doll.

"Bad qariin! Bad! Bad! Bad!" she growled as she repeatedly beat it across the tabletop before letting it go.

"See what I mean? Qariin are wimps, not to mention bloody perverts. Any ifrit can beat them up, even a child like Fatarani."

"I'm not a child, I'm 237 years old!" she pouted.

"But you CAN beat a qariin up, can't you sister?" Junilun said with that glint in her eye again.

Fatarani nodded and giggled, before catching the still-reeling qariin off-guard with a flying kick that sent it splatting up against a window. As she carried on with her game of Splat the Qariin, Junlinun turned to Ali and gave her adopted uncle a small hug. Ali hugged her back and kissed her tenderly on the forehead.

"I wish you wouldn't keep flying off to all parts of the world like that though - you had me worried, and at my age that's just what I don't need."

"I'm sorry Uncle, but it was important."

"Do you really believe those daft Northern types can actually fid that whajamacallit?"

"Not really, no. I informed the Grand Shura of our realm, and they told me to keep an eye on them, just to make sure..."

They were interrupted by a loud crash. They looked over to see Fatarani holding the qariin by its ankle and swinging it around over her head, sat in the middle of a pile of upturned chairs and grinning cheerfully.

"Okay Fatarani, I think that little creep's had enough now!"

Fixtures / Results

MD..OPPONENT................VENUE...RESULT

Group 4

01: Fmjphoenix..............Arid....W 3-2
02: Assegai Developments....Arid....
03: Commerce Heights........Arid....

Qualifying Group 3

01: Kiryu-Shi...............HOME....W 7-1
02: BYE
03: Quakmybush..............Away....L 1-3
04: Gnejs...................Away....W 5-2
05: Estresse Intenso........HOME....W 5-2
06: Northern Caesarea.......Away....W 3-2
07: Lovisa..................HOME....W 4-2
08: Kiryu-Shi...............Away....W 6-4
09: Az-cz...................HOME....W 3-2 (Friendly)
10: Quakmybush..............HOME....W 5-2
11: Gnejs...................HOME....D 1-1
12: Estresse Intenso........Away....D 0-0
13: Northern Caesarea.......HOME....W 4-2
14: Lovisa..................Away....W 6-1

Ariddia

01-05-2007, 09:21

This is an RP cut-off for the Holy Empire groups for MD1. Results here (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12598517&postcount=24).

Ariddia

01-05-2007, 10:49

ARIDDIA MATCH LOCATIONS / STADIA

The two matches in each group are held one after the other, the same day. Group 1 matches take place in (Stade National Rêvane-Sud) and near (Darras Olympic Stadium) Rêvane (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/R%C3%Aavane). Group 2 plays in Wavecrest (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Wavecrest). Group 3 plays in Haven (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Haven_%28city%29). Group 4 plays on Ahwa’u island ( http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ubhashinim_Ahwa%27u_Stadium).

The Arctic National Stadium (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ariddian_Arctic_Islands) will not be used until later stages of the competition.

For more information on all these, see here (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=522109).

ARIDDIA MATCH SCHEDULE

Group 1
MD1
Ariddia v the HURD (Stade National Rêvane-Sud)
Errinundera v Tynelia (Darras Olympic Stadium)

MD2
Ariddia v Tynelia (Darras Olympic Stadium)
Errinundera v the HURD (Stade National Rêvane-Sud)

MD3
Ariddia v Errinundera (Stade National Rêvane-Sud)
Tynelia v the HURD (Darras Olympic Stadium)

Group 2
MD1
Jeruselem v Green Wombat (Wavecrest City Stadium)
The Lowland Clans v Oliverry (Wavecrest City Stadium)

MD2
Jeruselem v Oliverry (Wavecrest City Stadium)
The Lowland Clans v Green Wombat (Wavecrest City Stadium)

MD3
Jeruselem v The Lowland Clans (Wavecrest City Stadium)
Oliverry v Green Wombat (Wavecrest City Stadium)

Group 3
MD1
Squornshelous v Vilita (Haven-Port-Nouveau Stadium)
Geisenfried v Starblaydia (Haven-Port-Nouveau Stadium)

MD2
Squornshelous v Starblaydia (Haven-Port-Nouveau Stadium)
Geisenfried v Vilita (Haven-Port-Nouveau Stadium)

MD3
Squornshelous v Geisenfriend (Haven-Port-Nouveau Stadium)
Stzrblayidia v Vilita (Haven-Port-Nouveau Stadium)

Group 4
MD1
Bettia v Fmjphoenix (ubhashinim Ahwa’u Stadium)
Commerce Heights v Assegai Developments (ubhashinim Ahwa’u Stadium)

MD2
Bettia v Assegai Developments (ubhashinim Ahwa’u Stadium)
Commerce Heights v Fmjphoenix (ubhashinim Ahwa’u Stadium)

MD3
Bettia v Commerce Heights (ubhashinim Ahwa’u Stadium)
Assegai Developments v Fmjphoenix (ubhashinim Ahwa’u Stadium)

KNOCK-OUT STAGES SCHEDULE

SECOND ROUND –

Ariddia
A Winner Group 1 v. 2nd Group 4 (Darras Olympic Stadium)
B Winner Group 2 v. 2nd Group 3 (Haven-Port-Nouveau-Stadium)
C Winner Group 3 v. 2nd Group 2 (Arctic National Stadium)
D Winner Group 4 v. 2nd Group 1 (ubhashinim Ahwa’u Stadium)

Holy Empire
E Winner Group 5 v. 2nd Group 8
F Winner Group 6 v. 2nd Group 7
G Winner Group 7 v. 2nd Group 6
H Winner Group 8 v. 2nd Group 5

QUARTERFINALS -
Ariddia
A Winner 2nd round A v. 2nd round B (Arctic National Stadium)
B 2nd round C v. 2nd round D (Wavecrest City Stadium)

Holy Empire
D 2nd round E v. 2nd round F
E 2nd round G v. 2nd round H

SEMIFINALS
Ariddia
A Winner quarterfinal A v. quarterfinal B (Haven-Port-Nouveau Stadium)

Holy Empire
B quarterfinal D v. quarterfinal E

Wentland

01-05-2007, 11:18

Neil Collins dozed off. Tommy Barnes had the Olympic squad watching the Sel Appa game for inspiration - "we can do better than those bastards" - but it was a comedy of errors. An own goal per side and a couple of defensive errors hade made it two each. It was dire stuff.

Collins was suddenly in a world of television studios and odd quiz shows. He was on a panel with some odd celebrities and the Little Tits answering questions about birdlife.

"These are some searching questions," said the black-clad quiz show host. "Let's send this one across and see if anyone can get their head behind it.

"Which bird's scientific name is Limosa lapponica?"

Instantly Collins rose. "The bar tailed godwit!"

"Correct!". A whistle then went. "And that's the end of the quiz..."

Collins jerked awake and saw some cheering and back slapping. The replay showed Saint getting on the end of a cross from Eager and making it three. A win for Wentland. Just.

Coincidence? Wondered Collins.

Ariddia

01-05-2007, 12:12

Bad start for Rouge-et-Noirs on home ground

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/ariddia.png Ariddia 1-1 The HURD http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/the_hurd.png

It was to be the great moment that would propell the Rouge-et-Noirs towards success (and perhaps even a second world title): the first match of the final stages, on home soil, at Stade Nationale Rêvane-Sud. The stadium was filled with Ariddian supporters, chanting and waving the black, red and green national flag, all hoping for a solid win to get their team started.

Instead, they witnessed the Rouge-et-Noirs struggling in vain to dominate the team from the HURD. Although the Ariddians achieved a greater number of shots on goal, despite a very solid HURDist defence, robot goalkeeper lynx blocked all but one of the Ariddian shots. A goal by Sébastien Lescrit in the 30th minute was not enough for the “Red and Blacks” to hold on to the lead, as the HURD equalised in the seventy-fourth minute. The speed of an anonymous robot’s powerful kick was too much for even Xavier Xu ( http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Xavier_Xu) to block.

Ariddian supporters mostly blamed their team’s lack of practice compared to those who had to qualify for these final stages.

“We need to beat Tynelia with lots of goals now,” seemed to be the general consensus. Fans were worried, but generally still optimistic.

Barely a few kilometres away, in Darras, Ariddians gave the potoroos a very warm welcome, and there were many Errinundrian flags flying in the stadium as the potoroos defeated Tynelia 4-1. Many Ariddians cheered at each goal, and large portraits of rosaniel ( http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Rosaniel), ubhashinim ( http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ubhashinim) and a few others were held up by spectators. It was clear who the home crowd’s favourite was.

“Of course we need to beat Errinundera now if we want to qualify,” “Princess” Cassie Lee ( http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Cassie_Lee), who lived for a year in the Rainforest Communities for a year when she was 18, and has kept ‘a deep love for all things Errinundrian’, said. “I just really hope we both qualify. And it’s great for us to be able to welcome Errinundrians here in Ariddia again! I’m really happy and excited about that.”

The best result of day 1 in Ariddia was achieved by Commerce Heights over on Ahwa’u island; the Capitalizts thrashed Assegai Developments 4-0. Starblaydia, like Ariddia, struggled in Haven, where they lost 0-1 to Geisenfried.

Tynelia

01-05-2007, 12:39

((ooc- not much time to post the next couple weeks so sorry for the genericness))

Tynlia Stumbles out of the Gate

In a reversal of their last World Cupo start, Tynelia continued to have trouble putting the ball in the net and Errinundera didn't as Tynelia fell 4-1 in their first match. The match was all Errinundera in the first half as they jumped to a 3-0 lead to the joy of the Arridian fans who seemed to have adopted the Potoroos as their own. Tynelia finally broke through in the second half at the 61 minute mark with a goal by Duncan MacDougal but a late goal by the Potoroos brought the final margin of defeat to 3 goals again.

"It was like playing an away match." Connor MacDougal said after the match was over. "You could barely hear our own fans out there."

However, Tynelia did catch a break with Arridia failing to beat up the HURD as expected settling for a disappointing 1-1 draw. With most fans now rooting for Errinundera to run the table now to help us out, the next match against Arridia is now a huge one for both teams. Neither side can afford a loss and a draw helps Arridia more than Tynelia so the team has their work cut out for them if they plan to improve on last Cup's 3 point last place effort.

History may help Tynelia though. Last time they pulled off a huge upset of then #1 Krytenia only to get swept the last two matches. Now with a loss to start things, fans can only hope they bounce back to sweep the next two matches and move on. Goals are a concern though, this is only the second Tynelian goal in the last five matches and the Potoroos showed today that that isn;t going to cut it against this level of competition. The offense needs to wake up fast or the team will find itself sent home once again.

Errinundera

01-05-2007, 13:01

News items from Le Monde, the Deddique (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Deddick) daily newspaper

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/lemonde.png

AWE IN RÊVANE

Potoroo #1 striker carltu revealed today in a press conference that the team had been blown away by what they found in Ariddia. “Everyone kept telling us that we would be spellbound by this country. Your natural reaction is to scoff. How could anything compare with the Forest or, even, with the beaches of Vilita? Well (laughs) this place is amaaaazing. You’re vegetarian. You have a wonderful sense of community. You don’t give a shit for commerce. Your jungle is awesome. But what are just totally fantastical are your skyscrapers. My favourite is the PINA building.”

http://www.designbuild-network.com/projects/cctv/images/CCTV-4.jpg
The gravity defying new PINA headquarters

“The funny thing is I can jog from one side of Rêvane to the other in about 2 hours. It takes about 10 days to get from one side of First Creek Falls to the other. You know, as a member of the national team I’ve had to play football in one hellhole after another. It’s such a change to visit a paradise. I had begun to think that Errinundera was the only one.”

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/carltu4.jpg
carltu ponders a question from the PINA reporter

When asked if there were anything the potoroos found hard to adjust to, she quickly cited 2 things. “Police and humour (or lack thereof). We’ve encountered these police things in a few places we've visited and nothing good ever came of it.” And humour? “You guys are just a little bit too serious. I guess it means you are sincere but we like to tweak people’s noses, so to speak, and you don’t always get it. Our ambassador here, snapisnapiestu, argues that you have a sly but gentle sense of humour. She should know, so I’ll listen out for it.”

BOFs TO HOST BoF

If Fogeys can host World Cup 34, and do a good job, then a B.O.F. (Boring Old Fart) can host the B.o.F 22 (Baptism of Fire 22). Except that, in the plaque riddled blood vessels of the B.O.F's brain, its being called the Baptism of Frost. Whatever. The E.F.A. (Errinundera Football Association) has confirmed the exciting news. One problem, though. The F.D.Hs of the EFA have decided they want all matches played up on the plateau. Why? Aren’t we good enough for them? Aren’t we frosty enough for them? This is just further proof that the E.F.A. is just a fiefdom of the F.C.F.F.C. (First Creek Falls Football Club). A pack of F.Cs if you want my opinion. Please excuse the French. Hmmm…

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/BaptismofFrost2.png
The BoF 22 logo

The Great Helmsperson of the Glorious Footballbureau of the Errinundera Football Association Central Committee, ermaingree, has also made the following announcements.

1. The venues for and structure of the competition will be announced after the quarterfinals of World Cup 34 or, in the case of mishap, when the glorious national team is eliminated, whichever is the earlier.

2. The winning nation will, in addition to winning a magnificent trophy chiselled out of pure ice from the slopes of Mount Ellery, but, a young player from the nation will receive a scholarship to study at the National Football Academy at Ellery Camp. Champions from Errinundera, Tanah Burung and Ariddia have all run across its hallowed fields.

FIRST EVER POTOROO DOUBLE HAT TRICK

The extraordinary run of Errinundrian goal scoring continued today at the Darras Olympic Stadium in Rêvane. Teenage sensation, scerberu, managed something that hasn’t happened for the potoroos in 11 qualifying campaigns, including 9 cup appeareances. She scored a double hat trick. Yes, that’s right. A double hat trick. And only 17 years old. How far can this amazing woman go?

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/Football3a.jpg
urumi and ininggu celebrate scerberu's 4th goal

The potoroos clearly ran onto the field with a new match plan. Star strikers, rosaniel and carltu, played the wings and passed to scerberu at every opportunity. rosaniel told reporters at a press conference after the game that the plan worked beautifully. “We knew that the Tynelians would be concentrating on carltu and myself running down the centre, as we usually do. By playing the wings we drew their taggers out and left space for scerberu. She’s young and hasn’t got the smarts yet on how to play the game but her reflexes, her native talent and her quick thinking are fabulous. carls and I are pretty good at placing the ball so we gave her plenty of opportunities and she made the most of them.”

rosaniel was thrilled by the support of the Ariddian crowd. "It was almost like playing at the B.C.G. The fans were right behind us. There were banners of ubhashinim everywhere. I've been very fortunate in my career. I wonder what heights she might have scaled."

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Errinundera.png
Errinundera 4
(scerberu 16, 32, 43 & 87)

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Tynelia.png
Tynelia 1
(MacDougal 61)

Errinundera's WC34 scorers:
13 carltu
10 rosaniel (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Rosaniel)
9 scerberu
6 snaporoo
4 immelfar
4 isshare
2 matthieug
1 aptai

Jeruselem

01-05-2007, 13:09

<Two short women, one in a Bettian football strip and the other in a Nedalian one>

Dinkie: Hi, I'm Betty Ay.
Dazza: And I'm Neda Lia! And this is THE FOOTBALL LIFE live from Arridia covering the World Cup 34.
Dinkie: Well, it isn't our real names but if you haven't worked out who we are by now, you haven't been watching.
Dazza: In Arridia, she's Lady Dinkie Dosha and I'm Lady Dazza Dallas. We got these titles during the final of the World Cup 32, which we lost.

Dinkie: Dazza wasn't playing that day because she's pregnant like she is now. She's the coach now.
Dazza: Baby bumps Dazza I am! It happens if you're the village bike.
Dinkie: OK Dazza - sleeping with football scouts. What's the story?
Dazza: Well, after all that negotiation and the thing gets signed. You head off and have a few drinks, but sometimes a few many drinks later - Dazza get frisky. And the scout was happy to oblige. Who wouldn't? When Dazza is the mood, she gets in the nude.

Dinkie: So it was your fault then!
Dazza: Yeah, but it was shock find out later someone shot the poor man or whatever. I'm still not over that. I should have stopping him from working just for that day.
Dinkie: In action from Group 2, Jeruselem's group that is.
Dazza: The Crusaders err coached by moi took on the surprise packages from Green Wombat. Admittedly our team didn't really play like champs at all but champions teams win even if they like rubbish like today. We got away with a rather mediocre TWO ONE win and that is three golden points. All we need is another win and hey, we in the second round. Michael Clarke scored a rare goal for us and my friend Dazza Deux painted the wombats red with a goal. So how did our rivals go Dinkie?

Dinkie: Well, the Lowland Clans and Oliverry played out a 1 ALL draw. Good for us in some way as it seems our rivals aren't exactly scoring freely either. It helps Green Wombat too as a win makes things ten times harder for the opposition.
Dazza: I wasn't too happy with today but if we scrape though this way - if it keeps on going, I'm happy. Loosing is the issue, Dazza hates losing. You had another one of those days.
Dinkie: I swear people put magnets in the goal posts. The number of times I hit them. Didn't matter what I tried.
Dazza: No, just don't aim at them (giggles). My trick is to aim lower as people tend to kick the ball above the intended target area. Oh, Jeruselem play Oliverry next game. Actually, I can't remember the last time we played them. I sure we have!

Dinkie: Group 4, Bettia's group.
Dazza: Bettia had a hard time with the Vikings, they had to fight to end to put down a challenge and prevailed THREE TWO. Yes, the Aroras are not giving up the crown at all. A hard win but all wins are not easy this time of the World Cup. Yes we know you was the Bettia team on the day! (smiles)
Dinkie: Yes another Dazza joke. Commerce Heights had far less trouble in the same group. Assegai Developments posed no challenge compared to Fmjphoenix - crashing to big loss as the Capitalizts trashed them FOUR NIL. They and Bettia get the upper hand in Group 4.
Dazza: Good news for Nedalian and Jeruselem fans as Bettia roll on but the Capitalizts look dangerous indeed!

Dinkie: Group 5, the Lion's den, where Nedalia are.
Dazza: Err, damn where's those results!
Dinkie: I don't think they came through yet.
Dazza: I thought it was me being forgetful, but we don't know what happened in Group 5 yet. We hope Nedalia won but we'll find out later. Oh yes, it's here - I put in my shorts! Crap, Nedalia lost to the The Holy Empire - so never mind. The lions lost ... TWO FOUR. Oh well ...

Dinkie: One of hosts had a little trouble with some robots like we did. Arridia drew with the HURD 1 ALL, now that's a turn up!
Dazza: Arridia playing with a home crowd not winning, it's not good for them.
Dinkie: Well, let's hope they can do it still.
Dazza: Yeah, they did give us the titles! I'm Lady Dazza Dallas! I like saying that, makes some people choke on their food.

Dinkie: YAP YAP where we talk CRAP.
Dazza: Quality crap that is. My show DazMania is going World Cup crazy. The focus of quiz questions is the World Cup, so get that stuff in your head about the world cup ready so you can win money. I can't host any shows because I'm here in Arridia but I'm sure the team will fine do without me. So, you watch the show Dinkie?
Dinkie: I sure do! I've won quite a bit of money too.
Dazza: See, if Dinkie can do it so can you. OK, I'm going be nice. Tonight's show hosted by Nikkie the model - one of the questions is ...

Dinkie: Name a nation which has hosted the World Cup!
Dazza: There you go, look it up now.
Dinkie: Hey, there seems to be a lot of ex-cheerleaders hosting?
Dazza: And what's wrong with that? Some are my ex-schoolfriends who need a good job.

Dinkie: Explains a lot and the short skirts, and dancing.
Dazza: (smiling) Jeruselem is not one of the answers by the way.
Dinkie: Real Jeruselem football fans would know that.
Dazza: That's it, err and what does Neda Lia say there Betty Ay?

Dinkie: ON YA BIKE! Oh, I have news for the people out there.
Dazza: Go on.
Dinkie: I'm getting married!
Dazza: Great! Am I invited?

Dinkie: You're the bridesmaid.
Dazza: I love weddings. This going to be one of Jewish ones?
Dinkie: Sort of, a modern one.
Dazza: So it's baby bumps Dinkie now (giggles)

Dinkie: Well, Jewish girls are supposed to have lots of kids.
Dazza: So how many is real question!
Dinkie: Not as many as your sister.

<Jeruselem World Cup 35 theme song ON YA BIKE starts playing>

Assegai Developments

01-05-2007, 19:28

The Crimson Blade
Riskbreakers Stumble Out of the Gate

Still recovering from the home-and-away playoff series with Quakmybush, the Assegai Developments National Football Team barely had enough time to wash their uniforms and get some rest and practice before they had to face footballing giants Commerce Heights Capitalizt SLANI.

Assegai was promptly throttled 0-4, a crushing result to begin the team’s participation in their return trip to the NationStates World Cup. Although none of the players would admit it, they seemed tired and frustrated with the fresher and much quicker Capitalizt SLANI squad.

Assegai defenders Barnard Mallowburne and A.J. Durai had a difficult time containing forwards 정강나 and Roy Hartenholm, who accounted for their team’s scoring. Hartenholm got things going in the 7th minute off a pass from Marilyn Ray. In the 10th minute, Hartenholm added a second goal, beating Durai in a footrace to a loose ball. 정강나 scored in the 32nd off a free kick by Judith Pérez. Hartenholm locked up the hat trick in the 73rd minute, scoring on a penalty kick after he was brought down by Mallowburne.

Assegai couldn’t muster much on offense despite a few runs by forwards Sidney Losstarot and Samantha Neesa. Severus Snape seemed a bit out of it and was replaced by Viktor Krum, who was slower than usual, as well. Even midfielder Fleur Delacour wasn’t her usual peppy self during and after the game, when she refused to make any comments.

Team captain and midfielder Ashley Riot was the only player who addressed the media, mentioning that today the better team won and it had nothing to do with his team’s contracted time to prepare and travel to the tournament. Riot added that they had expected Capitalizt SLANI to play this hard and were actually relieved to have the kept the score from getting any worse.

“Our supporters will see a better performance against No. 1 Bettia,” Riot said. “It’s not the first time we’ve face the No. 1 team in NationStates. In fact, we’ve had to play against the No. 1 ranked team in three of the last four tournaments we’ve been in. We’re used to taking on the footballing juggernauts and we’re going to give them more than they’ll care for. Until they beat us on the field, Bettia is just a name.”

Match Summary

(10) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/commerce_heights.png Commerce Heights Capitalizt SLANI 4

(34) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/assegai_developments.png Assegai Developments 0

[CHC]
Roy Hartenholm (7’, 10’, 73’)
정강나 (32’)

[AD]
None

Yellow Cards:
AD- Barnard Mallowburne (73’)

Red Cards:
None

Mikaela Eyre Reporting

Assegai Developments

01-05-2007, 20:11

“Greetings from Ariddia and the NationStates World Cup XXXIV, this is Mikaela Eyre reporting live from the training facility of the Assegai Developments National Football Team, where the team is preparing for the ultimate task of taking on the reigning NationStates World Cup Champions and the No. 1 team in NationStates…Bettia.”

Mikaela turns to her right, where Assegai team captain Ashley Riot and midfielder Fleur Delacour are standing.

“That 0-4 loss to Capitalizt SLANI was a tough way to start Assegai’s second tour of duty in the World Cup, guys. Any more comments regarding that game before we move on to your next match?” Mikaela asks them.

Ashley and Fleur exchange glances and he smiles tight-lipped.

“Yeaaah…That’s definitely one of our worst losses in team history,” he says nodding. “We’ve been beaten by bigger scores in the past, but that was at a time when our football was still in its infancy. We’re a much more talented team now and the footballing community and our supporters expect better results from us.”

“Zat game waz a steenkeer,” says Fleur with a heavy French accent. “Zee other team waz veree strong—sure, but we can do better.”

“Up next are reining champions and No. 1-ranked Bettia,” Mikaela says. “That’s a tall order for anyone, but, Ashley, you mentioned that Bettia is only a name until they beat you on the field.”

“That’s right, Mikaela,” he says. “Why are we going to take the field against Bettia thinking that we’re going to lose? No. Our team never thinks like that. Remember back in the day? When we were just considered minnows? We never gave that any thought. We always took the field thinking that we could win any game, regardless of our opponent. That never changed. Bettia…they can bring their No. 1 rank. They can bring their World Cup trophy. They can bring their supporters and their media. All that means nothing on the field.

“We’ve faced several No. 1s in the past,” he adds. “We’re ready for Bettia. Bring them on.”

“Is right,” chirps in Fleur. “We are not afraid of zem. We have played zee best teams in zee world very hard in the past. We will play Bettia harder than anyone else.”

“Well, we wish you the best as you get ready to face Bettia,” she says to both players, who nod and smile.

“Before we go off the air, here’s the roster than Assegai Manager Sir Knight Edgard Zúniga will be using for this game…”

Goaltender
#3 Callo Merlose – (Char Sara Inferno, Elves Security Forces)

Defenders
#4 Francis Rowe – (Sutina Saints, Fort Europe)
#8 Romeo Guildenstern – (Ascama United, Fort Europe)
#7 John Müllenkamp – (Cathedral Phantoms F.C.)
#25 Stephen Maison – (Assegai Developments F.C.)

Midfielders
#31 Alys Spicer – (Matata Wanderers, Fort Europe)
#10 Ashley Riot (C) – (Assegai Developments F.C.)
#69 Fleur Delacour (Assegai Developments F.C.)

Forwards
#5 Severus Snape – (F.C. Capri, Elves Security Forces)
#33 Viktor Krum – (Assegai Developments F.C.)
#18 Stephen de Cobham – (Assegai Developments F.C.)

Reserves
GK #42 Akihiko Yoshida – (Rinaldi Gunners, Elves Security Forces)
GK #1 Winnefred Save – (Cathedral Spooks D.C.)
DEF #76 John Hardin – (D.S. Assegai)
DEF #70 Barnard Mallowburne – (S.C. Vagrant Hills)
DEF #2 A.J. Durai – (A.C. Leá Monde)
DEF #22 Jan Rosencrantz - (Ascama United, Fort Europe)
DEF #32 Anne Saye – (Fort Lakaria City, Fort Europe)
MID #56 Joshua Bardorba – (S.C. Vagrant Hills)
MID #13 Duke Bardorba – (S.C. Vagrant Hills)
MID #32 Agatha Denys – (A.C. Leá Monde)
MID #45 Duane Grissom – (Kibuye F.C., The Interahamwe)
FWD #8 Ursula Goode – (Cathedral Phantoms F.C.)
FWD #11 Sidney Losstarot – (Mar Sara Flames, Elves Security Forces)
FWD #9 Dominic Saint-Émilion – (Rinaldi Gunners, Elves Security Forces)
FWD #20 Samantha Neesa – (Char Sara Inferno, Elves Security Forces)

“There are several changes to the roster. Callo Merlose returns to starting keeper based on her experience against the world’s best. Defenders Romeo Guildenstern and John Müllenkamp are in to help solidify the central defense. Looking to add muscle up top, Zúniga inserted burly Viktor Krum at striker and strong-footed Stephen de Cobham on the right wing.

“If Assegai loses this game, they can’t say it was due to lack of effort, because they’re bringing everything but the kitchen sink. More than 15,000 Assegai, Turruth Gordur and Fort Europe supporters are expected to be present at the game.

“For now, this is Mikaela Eyre signing off.”

Upcoming Match

(1) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/bettia.png Bettia

VS
(34) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/assegai_developments.png Assegai Developments

@ ubhashinim Ahwa’u Stadium

Zwangzug

01-05-2007, 21:17

*How has hosting the World Cup impacted you personally and nationally?

*Literature and writing are obviously very important to your country's culture. How would you explain their significance?

Narrowing his eyes, Alan closed his copy of "Interviews as a method for societal awareness and interchange" by É Ê, and began writing his own questions.

*In light of the previous question: with so many qualified writers around, how did you get a job?

*How did the Holy Empire manage World Cup 2, long before "that technical nonsense"?

*Your nation has had many...thematic...squads...Which team was the most interesting to cover?

*Did you just sleep through the qualifiers?

*What level of technology does the Holy Empire have? (Can you actually use computers or do you write your articles with quills?)

*How do those portal thingies actually work, anyhow?

With Alan otherwise engaged, Charles had been flying solo. "...and so Olson nets the only goal of this surprising game against Dehm-ott. Maybe. Or it could be Dehm-ote. Or perhaps Dee-mott. Or Dee-mote, I suppose. This is difficult."

Cafundeu

01-05-2007, 23:42

O JUTENSE NEWSPAPER – ASSOCIATED WITH GLOBO MULTIMEDIA

WORLD CUP 34 COVERAGE FROM ALASDAIR I FROSTICUS
Match Report written by O Jutense editor, Milene Escobar
With phrases and images from Globo Multimedia’s coverage, commented by Breno Gavião

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

CRUCIAL POINT WON IN FIRST GAME

http://img480.imageshack.us/img480/1064/4800588224gabr9.jpg
Kemp tries to dribble an opponent

Cafundéu started another World Cup with the hard mission to play better than world class teams to get a place in the second half, something that the team failed to make in the last two cups. This time, the Monopolists had to start against Bazalonia, and a loss could already mean an early elimination, as Demot seems the biggest threat of the group. But after a close game, with much defensive work and few good attacks, Cafundéu got a draw and one important point.

The game explored the coaches’ abilities too, as the strategies were very important in the game. In this sector, the three coaches worked well and didn’t get any kind of advantage against the others. Now, Cafundéu is going to play against Demot. This time, a good result can mean an early qualification, but the players already know that it’ll be difficult to repeat what Zwangzug did.

THE GAME
Although the team played with the same formation, the strategy was a bit different. The team was more defensive than usual, and the full-backs didn’t attack very much. But the centre attacks continued strong. Bazalonia’s style was conservative too, and in the first minutes the long balls were frequent. Some supporters didn’t like it, but after the fifteenth minute the good plays started to appear.

Bazalonia created some good plays with Assington, who started to shine in the midfield. Soon, he passed the ball to Ricky Yunn, who had just the keeper to beat. Yunn shot, but Júnior made a very strange jump and got the ball safely. But Bazalonia didn’t give up and used Assington to created another chance. This time, he crossed the ball to Kang. The ball hit the attacker’s ear and entered in the goal. Read Breno Gavião’s comments:

“Cafundéu can’t attack now, and Bazalonia is contrrrrrolling the game. Assington rrrrready to starrrrrt another play. He goes to the wing, faces and drrrrribbles Priotto, crrrrrosses the ball to the arrrrrea... and it’s a goal! The ball hit Kang’s head! Goal for Bazalonia! Bazalonia one, Cafundéu zero! When you come to Lasft, use Chevette’s Taxi Company. Modern cars for your comfort!”

Suffering the first goal, Nefasto decided to let the wingers attack. After suffering for some time, Cafundéu recovered, starting good counterattacks and pressing Bazalonia in the last minutes of the first half. Anormal was key player in the midfield. In the thirty-eight minute he got the ball and passed it to Priotto. Anormal didn’t let Georsophaulus mark his team mate, and Priotto shot from outside the area, scoring the goal. Read Breno Gavião:

“Léo Mattos gets the ball in his wing, and makes a long pass to Anorrrrrmal. He knocks Myfanwy, passes the ball to Prrrrriotto. He can shoot, the distance isn’t too big. Anorrrrrmal blocks the opponent defender. Prrrrriotto will shoot... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! From Cafundéu! I want to see the replay! Prrrrriotto, number eight! Cafundéu one, Bazalonia one!”

http://img529.imageshack.us/img529/4754/4800569507gaxo4.jpg
Cafundéu had some difficulties in the beginning of the game

When the teams returned to the second half, the supporters could easily notice that Bazalonia was going to attack more. Cafundéu mantained a balanced strategy, as the draw wasn’t a bad result at all. In the first minutes, Bazalonia attacked a lot, especially with Assington, Ricky Yunn and Kang. The defense worked well in some attacks, but the player that really saved Cafundéu was the goalkeeper Júnior. He returned to the team after Durepox got injured in a training, and made many incredible saves. Read Breno Gavião:

“We rrrrreached the sixth minute of the second half, one for Bazalonia, and one for Cafundéu. But the Bazalopes arrrrre attacking again, and want to scorrrrre another goal. Rrrrricky Yunn gets the ball, drrrrribbles Sávio Ferrrrrarrrrri, invades the arrrrrea, shoots... JÚNIOR! Spectacular! Amazing! Superrrrrrnatural! Another incredible save of Júnior!”

The Bazalopes slowed down after ten minutes, and Cafundéu started to control more the ball in the midfield. The defense was ready to stop the opponent’s scoring attempts, and Anormal organized the midfield. With this team work, Cafundéu could equal the game and even had some goal chances, but the team wasn’t so efficient in the attack. After the thirteenth minute, Cafundéu was playing better than the opponents, and Anormal scared the defenders sometimes. Read Breno Gavião:

“The situation seems good for our players, they can win most of the disputes in the midfield and the defensive midfielders arrrrre marrrrking well. Anorrrrrmal rrrrruns to the attack. Passes the ball to Kimball, who drrrrribbles Fjord. The ball is passed back to Anorrrrrmal, he shoots... In the post! Come to see the best paintings of Cafundéu in Cafundó do Juta’s National Museum. Opens everyday.”

The last minutes of the game weren’t special, as the ball stayed on the midfield during most time of the second half. Cafundéu attacked sometimes, but without strength, and Bazalonia couldn’t defeat the defensive midfielders of the Monopolists. The referee ended the game, and both teams could relax after an equal game.

AFTER THE GAME
The coach David Nefasto was the first to talk after the game against Bazalonia in the Imperial Hippodrome. He said: “Of course we would prefer to win the game, but the draw isn’t a bad result. If we win one of our last two games, we can qualify. About Zwangzug’s result, I can’t really say if it was good or bad. It was good because Demot lost a chance to win some points, but in another way Zwangzug has a good chance to qualify too.”

The players also talked. The goalkeeper Júnior, the hero of the team, said: “We played badly in the first minutes of each half, but after twenty minutes we could play better and in the last minutes of the halves we could even play better than them. It’s good to notice that I could help the team with my saves.” Ray Kirs said: “The coach said that we needed to look for the qualification, and we’re doing that.” Kemp said: “I’m a bit tired, as I’m coming and leaving the Dreamed Realm to play for the Olympic Team.”

Fabrício Barglaux, the coach of the Olympic Team, didn’t use Kemp, Léo Mattos, Júnior, Alemão and Dário in the last game, and won’t use them on the next one. So, these players will be ready to give their best in the World Cup, without having to worry about playing in another competition.

http://img70.imageshack.us/img70/2343/semttulocn8.jpg
Júnior made miracles and helped the team to get this result

CAFUNDÉU 1x1 BAZALONIA

Place: Imperial Hippodrome, in Alasdair I Frosticus.
Attendance: 98,700 people.
Referee: Thomaz Walkinshaw (Starblaydia).
MOTM: Júnior (Cafundéu).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Júnior, Léo Mattos, Kirs, Becão and Sávio Ferrari; Anormal, Priotto, Dário (Namarra 75’) and Kliek (Kimball 75’); Heitor (Kemp 60’) and Ijak.
Coach: David Nefasto.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/bazalonia.png BAZALONIA: Kanga, Chia, Swift (Prefect 68’), Fjord and Georsophaulus; Myfanwy (Smith 45’), Assington and T.Yunn; Kang, Hampstead (Richards 80’) and R.Yunn.
Coach: Caine Hawdon and Peter Hobble.

Goals:CAF: Priotto 38’.
BAZ: Kang 21’.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cafundéu – formation for the game against Demot: Júnior, Léo Mattos, Kirs, Becão and Sávio Ferrari; Anormal, Priotto, Dário and Kliek; Heitor and Ijak.
Coach: David Nefasto.
Style of +2

Match’s Referee: Herbert Maresias (Vilita).

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

THE SCOUT'S RECENT NEWS:

“THE SCOUT IS IN ALASDAIR I FROSTICUS”, SAYS PAI DINAH

One day after Cafundéu’s arrival in Alasdair I Frosticus, Pai Dinah called the media to reveal details about The Scout’s kidnapping. He said that he had a vision in the hotel, where he could see some new things about the strange incident. First he had to control the magazines specialized in gossips, which wanted to know more about what happened between The Scout and Dazza Dallas.

“I only know what you already know. That something happened. But stay ready, as some new things can appear soon, just wait. The consequences will be interesting.”

The media could even hear the coach David Nefasto saying to his assistant “I envy The Scout for that”, probably talking about The Scout’s involvement with Dazza.

After avoiding the gossip, Pai Dinah started to talk about something more serious, and declared that he discovered the location where The Scout is now. He said:

“Remember that I said that he seemed to be in another reality? Now that we’re here in the Dreamed Realm, I could see more things. And I discovered that he is here in Alasdair I Frosticus, although it’s impossible to know the exact place. And in my vision, I was able to confirm that he was kidnapped by a group, which looks like a cult.”

The CCFM also revealed more details of what the kidnappers asked. Samuel Makas said: “They asked for the money, but not only that. They said that they if we let them stay with The Scout until the end of the World Cup, we can pay only twenty-five million vintéms and he'll be free. But we will try to rescue him before that, and will look for an assistance of the hosts.”

Jeruselem

02-05-2007, 00:44

Jeruselem Government News

Scout video found, handed over to authorities

After a search, a rather fuzzy hotel videos of the scout was found which was handed over to the authorities investigating his kidnapping or disappearance. Most of it was rather obscene with the scout and Dazza Dallas getting rather drunk after their contract negotiations for male Jeruselem players. Most of video showed Dazza Dallas getting hastily undressed in the scout's hotel room and the couple doing their best impression of a XXX video. However the video showed shadows following the randy pair as they made their way to the scout's hotel room. No other people were seen but shadows could be faintly seen following them. Dazza's torn underwear was also found by accident too, and a staff member remarked "Those two had a good time. I wish my sex life was like that."

In other news, moral Crusader Peggy Sue blasted Dazza for sleeping with the scout in fiery speech in her church branding Dazza a shameless whore who was going to hell as married women should not act that way. In the church, person after person slagged off Dazza and making rather inflamatory remarks about her too.

Dazza Dallas shot back the people at Peggy Sue's church
"Those whiter than white puritans can talk all they want about me. They should stop talking about me and pray for the scout himself. I just hope we can see him alive and well, and his family can see him again. They call themselves Christians and all they do is inflame people instead concentrating on the real issues - making sure the man himself is going home safe. I don't know if he was a partner or not, but I can say she's lucky woman to have him. Call me whatever you want but spend more time praying for the scout instead."

Milchama

02-05-2007, 01:03

"It's working!"

"I know a 3-0 win over Rejistania, it's unbelievable"

"Yeh man, we've found a way past that international conspiracy"

"Oh no you haven't!"

"OH MY GOD It's Douglas Jefferey!"

"I'm stopping from sacrificing to Margaret tonight!"

"Why? And why are you screaming?"

"I'm screaming because that's the only way I talk! and because I'm mad at you!"

"Why are you mad?"

"You make Milchama too good! There is nothing to complain about, I'm losing readers and fans by the day so Milchama has to fail or else I will lose a job!"

"What happened to it's just not good enough?"

"DID YOU SEE THE GAME! They were perfect! 60% possesion, the counter attack on target and Belmowitz picking up a brace! THERE IS NOTHING TO COMPLAIN ABOUT!"

"So then change your schtick"

"Ooh never thought of that how?"

"Hey you didn't scream!"

"Yeh so?"

"Not important, anyway, why not talk about how bad the other team is? or how bad the host countries? Or just plain mess things up, it's also possible to mischeck facts. Remember the Milchamian media turned a guy into a warewolf."

"I'll do it!"

"And will you let us sacrifice to Margaret?"

"Absolutely!"

"Thank you then Mr. Jefferey, we look forward to reading your paper"

"Wait a second there were two of you and yet you always spoke at the time!"

"No we didn't!"

"Yes you did! Now I have something to write about! Thank you!"

"This isn't good"

"Nope, not at all."

Assegai Developments

02-05-2007, 01:19

“Good evening, Assegai Developments. This is Mikaela Eyre reporting live from Ariddia, where word is getting around that a large contingent of Turruth Gordur supporters have been attending matches involving Elves Security Forces and Assegai Developments, regional rivals of Turruth Gordur. In fact, there was a very loud rumor that several of these supporters sacrificed a virgin ass before E.S.F. took on The Archregimancy, in a show of defiance for the rivalry that developed between the monks and the Dragons, Turruth Gordur’s National Football Team.”

Mikaela turns to her left where two huge fellows are standing decked in Turruth Gordur, Assegai Developments and E.S.F. gear.

“I’m here with Azzip and Dloc, who had purchased NSWC tickets thinking that Turruth Gordur would advance to the Proper. Even after Turruth Gordur was eliminated, they decided to attend the World Cup, as have thousands other Turruth Gordur supporters,” she says.

“Actually,” says Azzip in a very deep voice, “We’re here as supporters of Assegai, our neighbors to the north, and, yes…even those silly little elves. Somebody other than themselves has to support them.”

“I see,” says Mikaela. “So, what’s this about the…virgin ass sacrifice?”

“Well, those silly monks have to realize that blinded by all their piety, they will never escape the shadow of Turruth Gordur,” says Dloc in an even deeper voice. “When they hear something bump in the night, it might as well be the presence of Turruth Gordur watching them from the cradle of darkness.”

“Oh…I see,” says Mikaela, seeming a bit perturbed. “So, was an actual virgin ass sacrificed before the E.S.F./Archregimancy match?”

“Well…” says Azzip, chortling. “Did you see the result? Who won?”

“Dat’s right!” jumps in Dloc. “Those damned monks are so afraid of their own god, imagine their terror at the mere thought of having to deal with the ferocity of Turruth Gordur! By the way…we’re also planning to attend a Cafundéu match and…”

“Oh yeah, mate, did you tell her?” jumps in Azzip.

“Tell her, what, oi?” Dloc responds.

“Oi, tell her about how we met that crumpet Dazza Dallas in a bar recently,” Azzip says excitedly.

“Aye…she’s a comely one, if you know what I mean, eh, Mikaela?” Dloc says.

Mikaela smiles and blushes.

“Well, fellas, I think we get the picture,” she says.

“Oi, Mikaela, you’re pretty damn hot yourself,” says Dloc.

“Uh…thanks, guys,” she says with a big grimace. “Uh..thisisMikaelaEyresigningofffromAriddia. GoodnightAssegai!”

Alasdair I Frosticus

02-05-2007, 01:40

[OOC - bleedin' 'eck.... Between Northern Bettia planning a full-scale invasion, the kidnapping of Cafundeu's scout and the following Zwangzug interview (not to mention doing justice by the Archregimancy), I can barely keep up with RP'ing this cup... I'll do my best to do what's right for everyone, but apologies if some RPs addressing other people's RPs are slightly perfunctory....]

RP 1 - ANNA'S ZWANGZUG INTERVIEW

Anna Comneno sat down at her desk. Someone wanted to interview her. All these years of interviewing other people, and now someone actually wanted to interview her. Oh, sure, it was some nobody from Ordinary Reality - this Alan Babbage chap from Zwangzug who'd helped design the World Cup organisational software, but still... Someone actually cared! This would show the lads down in the press pool....

*How has hosting the World Cup impacted you personally and nationally?

Well, personally, it's more work for me! Why, international media figures are constantly dropping by to interview me, I have my own interviews, it's all terribly exciting. As to nationally, you can bet that there's extensive excitement all around the Dreamed Realm. We were a little bit worried that you mundies [a colloquial Imperial term for Ordinary Reality residents - ed] would go nonchalantly wandering off into an area scheduled for reality demolition and get yourselves deleted by accident, but so far, no problem. Everyone seems to be reading their guidebooks!

But it's amazing to have so many football teams and mundies here in the Dreamed Realm. It's been so long! Yes, the Archregimancy co-hosted World Cup 28, but with the cutting of the link between realities between World Cups 7 and 25, and the subsequent post-plague quarantine restrictions, we're not really used to so many outsiders here in the Holy Empire itself.

We just hope that you're enjoying yourselves as much as we are. Well, Archregimancy supporters probably aren't enjoying themselves too much. Quite apart from the theological justifications against having fun, that 3-1 loss to ESF must have hurt.

*Literature and writing are obviously very important to your country's culture. How would you explain their significance?

Well, His Imperial Majesty the Basileus - may God protect him - clearly values a strong cultural foundation for the Holy Empire. You've seen the extraordinary beauty of our cities and architecture - how sad it would be if that beauty was purely visual and superficial, and didn't also extend to a rich and enlightening cultural environment. Yes, I concede that not all of the art's too highbrow. God knows I wish I could forget the Cheap Slutty Bimbos, Adam and his Pants, Attila and his Honeys, and most of the poetry of the Prince Imperial, but look at our other accomplishements.... Life here is a thing of constant beauty - or rather, anyone here can live a life of constant beauty should they choose to.

*In light of the previous question: with so many qualified writers around, how did you get a job?

Time in its irresistible and ceaseless flow carries along on its flood all created things, and drowns them in the depths of obscurity, no matter if they be quite unworthy of mention, or most noteworthy and important, and thus, as the tragedian says, "he brings from the darkness all things to the birth, and all things born envelops in the night." [Sophocles Ajax, 646]

But the tale of history forms a very strong bulwark against the stream of time, and to some extent checks its irresistible flow, and, of all things done in it, as many as history has taken over, it secures and binds together, and does not allow them to slip away into the abyss of oblivion.

Now, I recognized this fact. I, Anna, the daughter of two noble personages, Alexius and Irene. I was not ignorant of letters, for I carried my study of language to the highest pitch, and was also not unpractised in rhetoric; I perused the works of Aristotle and the dialogues of Plato carefully, and enriched my mind by the "quaternion" of learning. (I must let this out and it is not bragging to state what nature and my zeal for learning have given me, and the gifts which God apportioned to me at birth and time has contributed).

However, to resume - I have always intended in this writing of mine to recount the deeds done by my fellow citizens so they should certainly not be lost in silence, or swept away, as it were, on the current of time into the sea of forgetfulness, and I recount not only the achievements of Emperor, but also the deeds of others.

[OOC: special RP acknowledgement to anyone who can identify the work from which this answer was taken. No googling now - don't cheat]

*How did the Holy Empire manage World Cup 2, long before "that technical nonsense"?

That's all before my time. According to the sources that I've read, there weren't even any qualifiers for World Cup 2 - everyone who signed up played. Things were a lot simpler back then. I understand that group draws were randomly assigned with dice. Dice! Can you imagine. Now we have that software thingamawatsit that you helped design.

*Your nation has had many...thematic...squads...Which team was the most interesting to cover?

Well, clearly the World Cup XXX squad was the most interesting under the covers. Why, Curcuaso's hung like a.... Oh. Sorry. I must remember to read questions more carefully. I actually have a soft spot for a Dream Simulacra team that never entirely saw the light of day in Ordinary Reality. It had Morton Peto Betts as a forward, Basil II the Bulgar-Slayer in central midfield, and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle in goal. That was quite a team!

*Did you just sleep through the qualifiers?

No, Andronicus Curcuaso and I were not sleeping together during the qualifiers. That relationship has been over for years. Years I tell you.

*What level of technology does the Holy Empire have? (Can you actually use computers or do you write your articles with quills?)

I'm not sure I understand the question... I write my articles through whatever medium happens to be more convenient, and which best suits my mood. Of course we have computers. They're just not necessarily the same sort of computers that you have. Anything's possible here. We just have to need it, and we'll get it. Though need and want aren't necessarily the same thing.

*How do those portal thingies actually work, anyhow?

I don't know. You'd have to ask an oneirologist.

-------------------------

She hoped that would do. But the big surprise was that Anna had been given permission to interview Alan. Interview a mundie! The very thought... She prepared some question of her own...

*I understand that it was your idea for Zwangzug to field a national football team. How did this idea come about?

* Are people back in Zwangzug proud of the team's achievements? I mean, reaching the finals and then beating Demot... that's not bad, is it?

* What inspired you and Turing to develop ZWCOS? And can you explain how it works to a simple non-mathematician like me?

* From the little we know of Zwangzug politics, the National Socialist Grammarian Writers' Party fascinates many in the Holy Empire. Could you tell us more about their Final Solution for misplaced possessive apostrophes?

* Why do you insist on making fun of Charles Turing? Can you say Schorteskatascansolani three times quickly?

* Are you single?

____________________________________________________________

RP 2 - THE SCOUT

THE HOLY EMPIRE HERALD

AUTHORITIES DENY KNOWING WHEREABOUTS OF SCOUT
Alleged Kidnapping Matter of 'Grave Concern'

By Theodore Ducaso

Officials from ISPI tonight denied knowing the whereabouts of the Cafundéu scout known only as 'The Scout', despite allegations from a Cafundéu soothsayer that the Scout had been kidnapped and was being held hostage in the Holy Empire.

"If a kidnapping has taken place, then this is indeed a matter of grave concern" said a senior ISPI official, speaking on condition of anonymity. "However, we have no records of a missing Ordinary Reality citizen on any of the Dream Networks, and while we have instructed several Dreaming Monks to search for the Scout, none of them have been able to locate him. And besides, the story doesn't make sense. Twenty-five million vintéms ransom? Who in the Dreamed Realm needs money? Quite frankly, I'm inclined to dismiss this 'Pai Dinah' character as a deranged lunatic."

However, this reporter can exclusively reveal that secret meetings have taken place between officials from CCFM, HEFA, and ISPI, and that senior ISPI security officials have privately not denied that it may theoretically be possible to temporarily block aspects of the Dream Networks to conceal the whereabouts of a single Ordinary Reality visitor.

____________________________________________________

RP 3 - SOMEWHERE DEEP IN THE BOWELS OF SBIS HQ...

"Giant burrowing ants? Whose idea was that?"

"Lascaro's sir."

"Stroke of genius that, lad.... Giant burrowing ants... hysterical! That'll keep the Northern Bettians distracted for months."

"Aren't you concerned, sir?"

"What? About giant burrowing ants? You know as well as I do that they'd never get through the portal. Just let them believe the ants have made it through. Should keep us entertained, anyway."

"And what about this full-scale invasion, sir? Navy, airforce, tanks.... doesn't that worry you, sir?"

"Partially. I'll grudgingly concede that's a worry. Not that their armies could make it through the portal, mind, but we have to find a way of dealing with it that's not going to cause us too much of a problem. Have to discourage people from even making the attempt, you know..."

"What about Fluffy Bunny World, sir?"

"Fluffy Bunny World? The reality ruled by giant 2 metre tall intelligent pink fluffy rabbits? I like it! Absolutely! Let the Dread Lords Flopsy, Mopsy, and Cottontail deal with the Northern Bettian armada! Stylites....."

"Yes sir!"

"Adjust that Northern Bettian portal.... if anyone armed tries to get through - anyone who's not a legitimate football supporter - send them to Fluffy Bunny World! Just make sure you let the ordinary supporters through. Don't want to cause an international incident here."

"Yes sir! And shall I give them a way out of Fluffy Bunny World?"

"Let the rabbits deal with that - but make sure you give Flopsy, Mopsy and Cottontail some sort of warning. Don't want a repeat of the last time we tried to send miscreants there. That got nasty...."

Vilita

02-05-2007, 06:41

http://www.3wideracing.com/3wide/sites/ao/vilita/images/ttov.gif

Jungle Cats Looking at ... Another Early Exit?

Callum Banda's Vilita Jungle Cats continued their poor run of form as they fell to former World Champion Squornshelous in the first of three group stage matches in the World Cup 34 finals. Vilita will now face the only non-champions in the group, Geisenfried, to redeem themselves on Matchday two.

Defeat in the opening match has already set up a must win situation for the Jungle Cats. In order for their fate to be in their own hands against Starblaydia on matchday three, the Jungle Cats must over come Geisenfried with a full three points. Anything less than three points and Vilita will have to depend on a victory against Starblaydia and help in the other match to advance to the knockout stage.

While Vilita has been considered a perennial powerhouse in the NationStates World Cup, recent research shows a vastly different history for the World Cup 20 Champions. While always efficient in qualifying for the World Cup Finals, the former Cup of Harmony and AOCAF champions have failed for many cups in one area, and that is advancing to the second round, the knockout stage.

In fact, the last time the Vilita Jungle Cats took part in the knockout stage of a World Cup Finals, Sarzonia had yet to be crowned world champions for the first time, while current World Cup presidents Bazalonia were still four cups from their debut and World Cup 34's top qualifiers, Elves Security Forces and Demot, were nothing but a blip on the radar. That's right, according to the statisticians at VOIA, it has been over 12 cups since the Tropics of Vilita last appeared in a knockout match in the World Cup Finals!

The researchers themselves could not believe it, Looking for some possible explanation for this inconsistency with popular belief. They even did a quick poll, and few could believe it had been as many as 3-6 cups since Vilita had last appeared in the knockout round. Certainly a surprise for them, a lacklustre 2-0 defeat to Commerce Heights in the World Cup 22 Round of 16, the last time Vilita has graced the stage of the second round.

They came close during World Cup 23, finishing level on points and goal differential with Druida, but losing out on a tie breaker as Druida advanced to the round of 16 and the Jungle Cats went home. Zero points in World Cup 24 sent Vilita home early, while four points was not enough to overcome Krytenia and Oliverry during World Cup 25, and a lone win in both World Cup's 26 and 27 also left Vilita on the outside looking in. The horrid qualifying campaign which saw Vilita miss out completely behind Liverpool England, Dance 2 Revolution and Kaze Progressa set the Jungle Cats back a few cups, and they only started to recover returning to the World Cup finals as hosts in World Cup 31. Despite the home field advantage, and return to the finals during World Cup 32, each campaign ended with a similar result.

12 cups, an astonishing number considering the relative success of local neighbors Turori, who have made a total of 6 appearances in the Quarter Finals, a stage Vilita has only progressed beyond once, as champions in Starblaydia & Druida. With their defeat to Squornshelous, it looks as if the group stage curse is back on the Jungle Cats. It is now in the hands of the nations most famed player, Callum Banda, to guide his squad beyond the curse and into the knockout stage for the first time in the modern era of World Cup play.

Elves Security Forces

02-05-2007, 06:58

Elven Times
In the Right of Way

If you believe that which you give to others is given back, then one must believe that the opponents of the Marauders have had much success. That or the failures of the squad have been made anew but given to their opposition. I propose a far easier solution to mind, that the Monks inability to provide solid competition in the Finals, bar an exception or two, is more the reason for the victory and not the Marauders fates being reversed. Be that as it may, the lot of the nation has right to be merry and drunk with glee for the next few days. With already three points in the bag, and still the woeful Northern Caesera to play, the Marauders seem to be a shoe in for the knockouts, through luck or their own merits, the squad is far outperforming even their own wildest dreams and expectations. Given the rate at which the squad is performing, Inaki Soler might be the first foreigner ever to be in the Football Hall of Fame of the ESF. However, that kind of award would still be years in the making, and the squad still has two group matches left against quite capable squads ready to mow them down if given the chance.

It all begin quite innocently, as Liliam Kries made a long pass ahead to Kiso Night. The lad brought it down and was quick to maneuver past the oncoming Barsanuphius and look up field for his striking partners. With both Kyla and Tobias tightly marked, the lad pushed forward. Constantine tried to dispossess the young lad, but the energetic striker used his techniqual skills with his feet to sly on past the captain of the Archregimancy. With only Justinian, the keeper, remaining between the youngin' and the opening score, he faked a hard shot to the near post before delivery a deft lob shot to the high corner of the far post, banging in it off the woodwork. The near ten thousand traveling fans, most of which were male due to strange customs here in the Dreamed Realm, cried out in glorious support as their side struck first, with the majority of the crowd producing a soft moan of disbelief.

Well, when you're basically playing in the opponent’s back yard and with the pedigree like the Monks have, you can expect them to strike back. After some fight for possession in the midfield, Iosephus was able to overtake Jannian out on the wing and move the play deep into the Marauders end for the first time of the match. Innocent seemed to have pushed off of Florez when he received the cross from Iosephus, but the ref didn't call it. With the non call, Innocent only had to settle the ball down and then sent in a masterful volley that St. Louis was not able to react quickly enough to stop, this time to the elation of vast majority of the attendance.

The Monks clearly held the advantage, but some staunch defending, and a few stellar saves from the safe hands of Martin were enough to keep the sides level. Soler had a spirited chat with the lads and lasses in the dressing room, emphasizing how important they needed to win the possession battle. With them losing it at the half, 46% to 54% for those interested, it seemed to be a difficult task. However, the usually quiet and timid Justinian Constant supposedly gave a very inspirational speech to his mates, and the squad seemed to respond well.

With the squad pumped up from Soler's and Constant's speeches, the second half was all in favor of the Marauders. They won ninety percent of the loose balls, everybody seemed to be in the right position to make the play needed to, and luck was on their side as the two of the four attacks the Monks made in the second half went off the woodwork and out, with St. Louis making the other two saves. Jannian would make up for being beaten earlier as he was able to send in another one of his masterful crosses, this time with the Great Leader getting the touch and volleying it in mid air to push the side ahead early in the second. Rikard, subbed in for Stone at the sixty-third minute, made an almost immediate impact. Jannain would record his second assist, as he had played the ball square after dispossessing Iosephus. Instead of passing it ahead to an unmarked Raynor, Rikard showcased his individual talent by dribbling through Petroniu, Pancratius, and Nicholas before smashing it past Justinian.

Pleased with the two goal advantage, but unhappy with the play that brought it about, Soler made a lesson of Rikard by putting in Xanxz immediately after the tally. Rikard was seen getting a thorough verbal reprimand from Soler in the following minutes. With the midfield beginning to dominate, the result began to come into clear perspective. The contingent of the Navy Wave that was in the stadium began their usual singing of "Strength, Honor, and Determination" at the 80th minute mark, and well on past the final whistle. With three points now in hand, the Gnomes and Northern Caesera still remain. Three points is needed from one of those contests, and hopefully another point from the other to make sure they travel through to the knockouts in their second consecutive Cup. Given the form and attitude Soler has the squad in; it would be an odd duck to doubt that outcome now.

Elves Security Forces 3
Kiso Night (9)
Tobias Raynor (54)
Nikali Rikard (67)

The Archregimancy 1
Fr. Innocent (21)

Article by Ron Santapa (Reporting due to females being frowned upon in the Dreamed Realm)

Demot

02-05-2007, 07:25

Demot Daily ~ Ouch!

For the first time since their defeats at the hands of Az-cz in the semi-finals of last tournaments Proper have the Dynamo tasted the sting of a defeat. Now the squad finds themselves in a very pecular situation, as not only do they have to bounce back from their first defeat in over two years, but must also grab points from their the remaining two matches in order to move on into the knockout stage. This sucker punch of a defeat at the hands of Zwangzug raises many questions about the Dynamo, who just a week before seemed poised to make it all the way into the Finals. Now their very progression lies in the balance with the upcoming match against Cafundeu. Questions like if they peaked too early, is Masteron too old to perform here at the big stage, and is their style of play the right way to go about trying to get victories in close affairs that happen more often than not in the Proper stage of the tournament. Sure the offensive blitzkrieg looks great for qualification, but does such a philopshy bode well for sustained success once you reach the big boys? I think the squad need only look at last years champions, Bettia, to throw away that though as the Bettians employ an all out attack.

Perhaps the answer to the loss more has to deal with the fact that Zwangzug seemed to be an oversight in the minds of the majority of the squad, and not a real threat to even score on the team. Evidence can easily be conjured, as Masteron even wrote such a statement in his blog before the game where he assessed the group and the Dynamo's chances of progressing onto the knockouts. The fact remains, is that out on the pitch, the Dynamo were outplayed, and could not muster up enough in their supposedly high octane offence to even secure a draw. Props have to be given to Zwangzug's keeper, who stopped all five of the shots on goal that the squad through at him in the affair. One player that you can not blame the defeat on is Orien in between the posts, as the keeper did everything anyone could of expected out of him, totalling eight saves once the day was through. That goal in the thirteenth minute off the free kick was just one you have to say that Zwangzug earned off hard work on the training pitch.

With Cafundeu up next, the squad really needs to bear down and get their sights set. They absolutely can not afford a slip up here, or else their Cup hopes will be shattered and their excellent performances in the qualifying stage will mean absolutely nothing. Cafundeu likes to ball a somewhat physical game, and the squad needs to be ready to take the play at them despite this. Yellow cards are sure to come, as the players will get agitated with the unwanted toughness, but that is all part of the game. If they allow it too get to them too much, it would no doubtly work in Cafundeu's favor, and likely get the Dynamo playing out of their proven style. Masteron needs to show his valor as a captain here, points are crucial, and the captain needs to lead his players as a general would lead his troops. In the face adversity, your true self is supposed to come out. That said, we shall see what exactly out Dynamo are really made out of, and if last tournament was indeed a fluke as soo many are wanting to believe.

Article by Jasmine Olyvander

Alasdair I Frosticus

02-05-2007, 07:30

Article by Ron Sanatapa (Reporting due to females being frowned upon in the Dreamed Realm)

OOC - ESF, that's only the case in the Archregimancy itself, not the entire Dreamed Realm. Women and men have full equal rights in both theory and practice in the Holy Empire.

Elves Security Forces

02-05-2007, 07:45

Training Pitch of the Marauders

A young elf, with short black hair, sunglasses, and a Marauders training outfit appears onscreen. As the camera man indicates that the camera is rolling, the young elf picks up a microphone and tosses his sunglasses over towards a bench to reveal that it is the star striker Kiso Night.

"Good evening ladies and gentlemen, this is Kiso Night bringing you a special in depth look at the Marauders during the Finals. I was voted by the players to do this broadcast for you, so here I am in the training grounds that the Holy Empire has provided us for our duration here.

I've been going through everyones e-mails about the game and what is like here in the Dreamed Realm and will be getting to those shortly. But first, lets take you over here to Justinian Constant."

The camera shifts left, where a tall, dark toned elf is looking around a bit aggitated. His long brown hair is drenched with sweat, and it looks like he was heading to the showers.

"Ah, good Justinian, what are you up to my friend?"

"Just got through working on some footwork drills. I know those gnomes of Az-cz can really handle the ball well, and I want to be sure that I am up to the task of marking them and not letting get through to our backline."

"Always thinking of the next game aren't you? Well the fans want to know what you like most about being a international footballer, and who is your favorite teammate."

"Well being on the national team definately brings alot of pride to me and my family. My father always wanted to make the national team, but because he was flat footed, Florintine never really gave him much of a chance. Not to be down on it too much, dad was always spending time with me helping me improve my game. Then when I landed on the top flight with the Flames, their staff really helped in my development and now here I am, respresenting my family and country as best as I can. As far as the best teammate goes, I have to say that Rick Cuellar is probably the best. Not only is he cool out there on the pitch, but he's a real socialble guy outside the football world. Not to mention that he has a great house over in Assegai."

"No love for me man? That hurts. Well I'll let you get back to getting to the showers. Thanks for your time.

Now onto the emails. Zven Sltvan of Char Sara writes, "Which nation, outside of the ESF, would you most like to see hoist the trophy?"

Well Zven, I would like to see a few different nations win the crown if it was not us. Firstly, Demot, our former puppets. It's great for me to see them doing well, considering that before us, they didn't even know what football was. Then when we taught them, and set up a few acadamies, they blossomed into a power. Next would be Bazalonia, just because they seem to be a good group of people that deserve something great to happen for them. Finally, I would like to see Assegai raise the Cup as they are our regionmates, and it would be great for them to win to showoff the talent our region has when it comes to footy.

Next up is Slyvanas Claidai from Rinaldi, "Is it true that Turruth Gordur sacrificed a donkey before your match against the Monks? If so, what do you have to say about such actions?"

Well Slyvanas, I can't confirm or deny such an event taking place. The squad and I were too busy finalizing our strategies too pay much attention to what was happening outside the stadium before the game. However, if such a thing happened, I can't say I condone such behavior. While I do appreciate the support from our regionmates, I'd rather them support us like the Navy Wave, our official fanclub, does rather than that kind of extreme behavior. Regardless, we are happy about the result of the match whatever may or may not have happened.

That is all the time I have. I hope everyone has enjoyed this unique look into our lives during the Finals. Wish us luck as we try to defeat Az-cz in our next match. This is Kiso Night signing off from the Holy Empire."

End Broadcast

The Archregimancy

02-05-2007, 07:49

THE MONASTIC TIMES

MFA DECLARES SUFFERING 'SOUL STRENGTHENING'
Squad Stronger Today than Yesterday

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

The Archregimancy's extraordinary ability to qualify for the World Cup at a canter, only to then fail miserably in the tournament proper - a record possibly only exceeded by the morale-sapping run of the Vilitan Jungle Cats - threatened to continue last night following a soul-strengthening upset 3-1 loss to Elves Security Forces. Since qualifying for the World Cup for the first time in World Cup 27, the Archregimancy has only once made it past the second round - a quarterfinal place as co-hosts in World Cup 28 that was itself immediately followed by a failure to qualify for the tournament proper.

Officials from the Monastic Football Association were quick to point out that a little dose of humility never did a monk any harm, and that suffering inevitable strengthened the soul. "We don't want to end up like one of those heretical protestant athletes, running around thanking his close personal buddy Jesus for granting him the victory" said a senior archimandrite, speaking on condition of anonymity "That's objectional on so many counts, not least because it suggests that the Lord has somehow favoured us above all others, and that we would in fact expect him to do so. No... we're quite content to accept what the Lord, in his infinite, mysterious, and inscrutable wisdom, chooses for us, whether that be victory or defeat. It is not for us to ask why we should lose to Elves Security Forces, we merely accept the defeat."

Coach Fr. David the Water Drinker was nonetheless said to be preparing to force the team to spend the rest of the evening chasing the squad's donkey so as to improve their fitness in what is now a crunch match against Northern Caesarea. "It's a must win game" said Fr. David "and they'd better spend the rest of the evening chasing my ass and praying if they want to advance."

In the match itself, a dominant first half performance by the monks and an equalising goal from Fr. Innocent, following a lucky early goal from Kiso Night were not enough, with ESF's two second-half goals proving especially galling given the number of times our lads apparently hit the woodwork during the second half.

The Archregimancy

02-05-2007, 07:59

AIF announcement[/B]]

OOC CO-HOST ANNOUNCEMENT

[I]EDIT:

In order to minimise the potential for confusion, upon further consultation scorination of finals matchdays will take place every other day, not every day as stated 3 hours ago in the discussion thread.

Since we didn't previously make clear our plan to scorinate every day, we feel that this is the best way to be as fair as possible towards those who were assuming scorination would take place every other day.

Az-cz

02-05-2007, 08:02

Amda-Mo: Pizelkaxrovsky. Kn-Dg. Pizelkaxrovsky. Kn-Dg. Pizelkaxrovsky. Kn-Dg. That tells you everything you need to know about today's win over Northern Caesarea. But of course we're here to tell you what you want to know as well. <Smiles and winks at the camera>

Lur-Mn: Indeed. It's nice to see my friends back to their old tricks. In fact it's fair to say that things could have been worse for the Caesareans. With an unnoticed handball on what looked to be a fourth goal late things could have been worse.

Amda-Mo: Not to mention the other good chances put to waste.

Lur-Mn: True. It was a fine bit of attacking football.

Amda-Mo: Are we to be worried about the lack of involvement from other players?

Lur-Mn: No. They were involved and playing well. It just happened that the Pizelkaxrovsky to Kn-Dg connection led to the goals. The other players weren't just spectators.

Amda-Mo: And how about the Caesarean goal?

Lur-Mn: That is more of a concern. We're not getting the incredible defense we expected from a Hausen coached team, but allowing one goal to an opponent at this level isn't a huge catastrophe. We'll just need to tighten things up at the back.

Amda-Mo: How did the team react to the dream realm?

Lur-Mn: Wonderful. They're having a blast so far. I've heard from some of the players that they've been shown a special section of the dream realm that is supposed to be based on the mythical Az-cz home planet of Xeen. They said it was an absolutely wild experience. And of course the changing hues of the stadium as the teams shifted from attack to defense and back. So far I'd say a boffo job to Alasdair I Frosticus. Of course things could get ugly when we face the monks, but I'm looking forward to more good times leading up to our match against old friends from Elves Secuirty Forces.

Amda-Mo: Let's get to that match. It's been a long time since we've met, last playing each other back in the Cup of Harmony for World Cup 30, where we came out on top of our group, but they had the last laugh advancing to the finals.

Lur-Mn: True, but there's a huge gap between the team we fielded then and the one we have now and a smaller but still large gap on the Elves Security Forces sided. Back then both countries were impressive newcomers with us in our first cup and them in their second.

Amda-Mo: So how do the two teams match up?

Lur-Mn: Well if it comes down to raw ability we ought to be the favorites. They have some good players but Pizelkaxrovsky will be the best on the pitch and I think we have an overall talent edge. But they've been in absolutely incredible form this tournament and if they stay hot they could easily beat us. And if we play down to the level we showed at times in qualifying struggling with nobodies like Kampfers or Cookesland we could be embarassed. I think it will be a big test of Hausen as a coach.

Amda-Mo: Any predictions?

Lur-Mn: A good football match between two fine clubs. With each team in great shape for the knockouts with a win it ought to be a great game.

Amda-Mo: Looking around at the rest of qualification what are your thoughts?

Lur-Mn: I'd like to cheer up the Ariddians by reminding them of our path last cup. We looked much worse on opening day, getting throttled by newcomers Northern Bettia before rolling off five consecutive wins to make the finals. So they're still ok. Milchama looked absolutely brilliant in embarassing Rejistania. Could this be the cup where they live up to their potential? And then Demot, who looked troubled by Zwangzug. They're in a fair amount of trouble as both Cafundeu and Bazalonia are strong sides. They have to be hoping to get some breaks or all the promise of last cup and these qualifiers will be let down.

Amda-Mo: Lastly we've been asked to give a top ten rank of non Az-cz teams after the first round of matches. Note, these are not necessarily the 10 best teams, just the teams who looked best on opening day.

Lur-Mn: Here they are in reverse order:

10. Bettia

The Aroras proved their offense is still in fine form. Giving up a couple of goals to Fmjphoenix has to be troubling however. Still they start their defense with a solid win.

9. Squornshelous

As their press has documented Vilita indeed struggles in the group stage but it is still tough to beat them and Squornshelous did enough to get by.

8. Alasdair I Frosticus

Four goals for the home fans. A two goal victory. Still against Nedalia more might have been expected.

7. Geisenfried

Handle the madness of the Starblaydia match well, unaffected by the jitters that come against playing a two time former champion in their last cup. Shutting out the purple peril, even if they aren't the Starblaydia of old is still impressive.

6. Zwangzug

What a great way to start their first trip to the finals by shutting out and beating a returning semifinalist. Gives themselves a realistic shot at qualification, although as Northern Bettia learned last cup it's hardly guaranteed.

5. Errinundera

Some, including Il-Lur, thought Tynelia might take the next step this cup. Instead Errinundera put them in their place with a 4-1 thwacking. Rosaniel is certainly trying to put quer name high on the list of all time greats.

4. Elves Security Forces

Coming into the dreamed realm and decisively handling a strong Archregimancy squad definitely gets you noticed. A very impressive performance. They'll be quite a handful next match.

3. Commerce Heights

By score the most impressive winner of the round. Any 4-0 win at this point in the cup is quite impressive, but Assegai Developments still isn't up to the level of the elite in the NS world cup, although they're getting there. A good learning experience for them and an impressive victory for the slanis.

2. Schiavonia

Five goals. The Schiavones continue their strong run of group play by embarassing Northern Bettia. Two goals at the opposite end isn't great but to put past five against a team like Northern Bettia is great.

1. Milchama

I mentioned them earlier, but indeed they were the best looking team to start the cup. A 3-0 victory over anyone is nice, but to depants the historically greatest team like that was incredible. They seemed to have turned their slight of being left out of the original draw as motivation to prove they really do belong. With a stuttering Nedalia team left to play Milchama has to be the team closest to qualification at this point. The warrior fans have to be happy right now.

Schiavonia

02-05-2007, 11:17

The Schiavone Scribe
Sloths On Fire
Schiavonia 5-1 Northern Bettia

Schiavonia eased past a toothless Northern Bettia team last night, with one of the most commanding performances of the opening round of games at World Cup 34.

Northern Bettia were lacking one of their most significant weapons in the Holy Empire - their particularly nasty support - and it seemed to show on the Fire Ants.

The Sloths' passing and dribbling was all too much for them, and no amount of attempted goading from their players towards the Schiavones could affect this. And, in a typically laid back Schiavone fashion, they just got on with the job in hand.

The goals were rather evenly spread, not only throughout the game bout amongst the team members. Most notable was Schiavonia's third, a wonderful passing move just before half-time that saw every member of the team touch the ball in a move of twenty-two passes from one end of the pitch to the other, before a rather scantily clad Isla Blige flicked the ball over the head of Eric Idasenai (a tough thing to do, he's nearly seven feet tall!), played a one-two with her sister Shiela and curled it inside John Ozeki's far post.

Amazing stuff. Of course, with Northern Bettia being from Bettia (kind of), they were bound to score one, and did so with a couple of minutes left on the clock, but they'd already had rings run around them by that point. A goal that could best have been described as a friendly gift for making victory so easy. Or it could be that Fielding hadn't seen enough of the ball to know what to do with it, and passed it straight to Paul Iyopa.

Still, a convincing victory to start with will be leaving Sloths fans worrying that they've peaked too soon. Always worrying about that type of thing, they are. However, a win for Schiavonia against Sel Appa next game and a draw or better for Wentland against hte Fire Ants will see the orange and dark red through with a game to spare for the second cup in a row. Probably won't happen, though.

Final Score
Schiavonia 5 (Hogan 9, Chester 26, I. Blige 45, S. Blige 64, Jones 81)
Northern Bettia 1 (Iyopa 89)

- - - - -

"Xav?"

"Yeah."

"How did you get into this Dreamed Realm place?"

"I'm one of the Schiavone fans here!"

"But... I thought you were Northern Bettian?"

"What? No! I was just testing you! Seeing how you'd react."

"Really?"

"Really! And you reacted well."

"I... did?"

"Yes. You'll get back home in no time at all!"

"Xav... You're sounding like the voices I hear all the time... In my dreams..."

"Well, these are your dreams. We're in a place called the Dreamed Realm. Did we have to make it so obvious?"

"Well..."

"Look, your aim is to try and win the cup for us. Schiavonia. Surely you've worked that out by now?"

"I... kinda..."

"Look, as long as you do your bit, you'll be fine."

"Really?"

"Really."

"OK. I better just... get training, then."

"OK, David."

Northern Bettia

02-05-2007, 15:03

Want to know why there were no Northern Bettians at the Schiavonia game? Read on...

It's World Cup time again, a time which inspires football supporters around the NS-globe to don their team's latest replica shirt, paint their faces in their national colours and knock up a quick non-league-shite style replica World Cup out of cardboard and tin foil, and Northern Bettia is no different. Demand for tickets is high, as is the hope amoungst the supporters that the lads can do the business. And so, they flock in their thousands to Sakura Park in downtown Anyuna where their Holy Empire hosts have provided a portal into their realm, eager to make their way to the Imperial Hippodrome for their opening match against Schiavonia.

Among these fans who are making this short journey, and making a hell of a lot of noise doing so, are our old friends Hiro and Massa along with the rest of the Yuna Crew, that oh-so-infamous band of troublemakers and bovverboys who now number in their thousands. Made up of off-duty squaddies and out-of-work neanderthals, they sure do make an intimidating sight marching defiantly down the middle of the main road approaching the stadium, flipping the finger at any motorist who dares to beep them for getting in the way.

Yes - true to form, Northern Bettia's fans are looking for trouble.

"Right lads, ready to rumble?" Hiro yelled as the portal came into sight, patting a baseball bat into the palm of his hand.

"Oh yes, those Frostican types are gonna get the twatting of their lives," Massa replied as he slipped on a pair of studded knuckledusters. "But aren't you worried about this whole Dreamed Realm thing? You remember what happened last time we tried to cause trouble in this alternate reality thing, don't you? You got zapped back here before you could lamp those monks."

"Ah yes, but that was The Archregimancy. This is the Holy Empire. Maybe different rules apply there."

"I'm not too sure about that. Ah well, we'll soon find out. Come on lads - let's get 'em!!" Massa yelled, charging forward. The others soon followed, rushing forward into their own little battle, all armed to the teeth with their brawling instruments of choice - bike chains, knives, doorknobs stuffed into an old sock - you name it, they had it. Onwards they rushed into the portal, shouting their heads off... then they stopped.

Something was wrong.

They had made it to the other side, but they weren't greeted by the sight of the magnificent Imperial Hippodrome. In fact, there wasn't a football stadium to be seen. Instead, the ten thousand of so Northern Bettians found themselves in the middle of a large, lush green field, bathed in sunlight and dotted with daisies and bluebells.

"Hey, what's going on?! This ain't the Hippodrome!" Hiro said.

His train of thought (what little there was of it) was broken by a scream of pain coming from one side of the group. They all turned and looked to see one of their number being viciously mauled by what looked like a trio of giant rabbits. A huge collective gasp rose up from the crew - except from Hiro. The only sound he made was a yell as he dashed forward and smacked one of the rabbits across the head with his bat. The three rabbits turned and glared at him with their large black eyes. Hiro was only too glad to glare back at them.

"What's your problem, big ears? Do I look like a fuckin' carrot to you?" he snarled.

Behind him, the rest of the Yuna Crew gave a sinister chuckle.

"Sweet. Those Dreamed Realm types have given us some entertainment after all. Dunno about you guys, but I'm gonna enjoy this!"

Meanwhile, at the Northern Bettian military high command, High General Devanallt was in a meeting with his trusted underlings when a young soldier entered the room. Saluting a perfect salute, he addressed his leader.

"Sir. I have news regarding the search for the Glimmung."

An eyebrow immediately raised up on his head to signal his interest. "Go on."

"As per your orders, sonar scanning stations were secretly deployed at various points throughout the world, and we received a very interesting reading from station GC20520099."

At this point, he produced a large colour printout at what appeared to be a series of indecerible splodges.

"What on earth is that?" the high general asked.

"It appears to be a large building located at the bottom of the ocean. It's got spires, buttresses, bell towers - everything we'd expect to see on a cathedral."

"A cathedral? Under the sea?" Devanallt mused, stroking his chin thoughtfully. "Could this be Heldscalla itself?"

"If it is sir, you know what this means - we're within touching distance of gaining control over the Oneiromancer."

Devanallt couldn't help but smile at this prospect. He turned once again to the young soldier. "This sonar station that gave us this information - where is it?"

"That's the funny thing sir - it's around 50 miles off our southern shore."

"50 miles?" Devanallt spluttered, along with the rest of the assembled top brass before he quickly composed himself and sat himself back down in his chair. "Hmmmmm... 50 miles. I must say, that is odd."

"Not to mention too easy, sir." Admiral Shinobu added. "It all seems like a strange coincidence."

"Yes, yes... it does. But then again, it would explain what that Frostican we caught was doing here in the first place." the High General answered before turning to the Army chief. "General Barani - obtain the exact location of this site, and start the digging immediately!"

Fixtures / Results

MD..OPPONENT...............VENUE...RESULT

Group 6

01: Schiavonia.............Hippo...L 1-5
02: Wentland...............Hippo....
03: Sel Appa...............Hippo...

Qualifying Group 2

01: Commerce Heights JSY...HOME....L 0-1
02: Holweg.................Away....W 4-0
03: Turruth Gordur.........HOME....W 4-2
04: BYE
05: Mekhule................Away....W 5-2
06: The Archregimancy......HOME....W 3-1
07: Turori.................HOME....L 0-2
08: Commerce Heights JSY...Away....W 3-1
09: Holweg.................HOME....L 1-2
10: Turruth Gordur.........Away....L 1-3
11: BYE
12: Mekhule................HOME....W 7-0
13: The Archregimancy......Away....W 2-1
14: Turori.................Away....W 3-0

Zwangzug

02-05-2007, 21:09

*I understand that it was your idea for Zwangzug to field a national football team. How did this idea come about?I was bored one day on campus. Tossing around plastic disks gets tiring when every fourth individual is trying to analyze its trajectory and compute its flight path as a parametric function...too idealistic to compensate for air resistance. And we're still not allowed to fish.

So, I figured coming up with some other type of athletic thing to do would be interesting. Even if I wasn't the one doing it.
* Are people back in Zwangzug proud of the team's achievements? I mean, reaching the finals and then beating Demot... that's not bad, is it?No, it isn't bad at all. In fact, considering the state of athletics around here, it's phenomenal: far above what we expected...But as far as national pride...Um...yes. Few know or care about the team's success. Those who have heard of football are generally reluctant to classify it as a sport. I haven't seen the ratings for our broadcasts: Charles tries to analyze them, and he's not really forthcoming with his results. I think the only reason we're allowed to keep doing it is because they need something to fill the time slot. [This cup's matches have been around 11 pm to 6 am, binary time.]

* What inspired you and Turing to develop ZWCOS? And can you explain how it works to a simple non-mathematician like me?I noticed the whole "help bring the Cup back to its roots" advertisement, and thought it would be a decent way to gain some prominence. Charles was the one that actually figured out how to make the numbers work.

As to how it works? Well...I'm not exactly a mathematician either. It involves a product of four major variables: one of which is random, one of which includes a ratio of relative performance (that's where the logs come in, I think), one representing the teams' formations, and one representing teams generally just giving it a good shot. That second factor's the trick: it has to stay at least one in order to not penalize the better team, and adding one every time it crashes seems to have worked.

Curiously enough, there is no discernible relationship between the formula and selection of groups, which your compatriots seem to have demonstrated.

* From the little we know of Zwangzug politics, the National Socialist Grammarian Writers' Party fascinates many in the Holy Empire. Could you tell us more about their Final Solution for misplaced possessive apostrophes?
The apostrophes themselves are mocked and set as an example to the public, while reinforcing party feelings of superiority. The perpetrators of such errorism are sent to a re-education facility.

...I've been told to specify that said facilities are quite simply educational institutions, funded by an governmental economy that has rejected the oppressive exploiters inherent to the capitalist system and promised comprehensive education for all, up through undergraduate school (though the AIU wasn't really the place for me). But surely that is obvious?

* Why do you insist on making fun of Charles Turing? Can you say Schorteskatascansolani three times quickly?
It's just friendly banter. And I do make an effort at pronouncing Shkor-tesk-att-uh-scan-sole-ann-ee, when the need arises (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12441403&postcount=68). He doesn't even try.

* Are you single?
Yes.

Sel Appa

02-05-2007, 23:12

Mr. Pessimist

"Is there any chance of Sel Appa going through?"
No.
"What about that there are two matches left?"
No.
"We have beaten high-ranked teams before? Why can't we beat Schiavonia?"
No.
"Interesting. Would it be better if we didn't qualify, but went to the Cup of Harmony?"
No.
"Do you think we might actually host the Baptism of Fire this time?"
No.
"Is there any chance we could beat either Schiavonia or Northern Bettia?"
No.
"Ok, one more question: Is 'no' the only word you know?" *giggle*
Mr. Pessimist gets up and leaves without answering.

Cafundeu

03-05-2007, 01:36

(OOC: as results will be scorinated each two days, I'll put the Pai Dinah/The Scout news in one day, and the match report in another)

KIDNAPPERS GOING TO USE THE SCOUT IN THEIR PLAN

Investigations about The Scout's kidnapping continue and after Pai Dinah's visions, Cafundéu is working together with Alasdair I Frosticus to find and rescue the negotiator. Unfortunately, things are difficult, and the CCFM is waiting for more informations or for another contact of the kidnappers. Today, the Emperor Hector Van Tocco decided to change the leadership of the investigations. Now, the Counselor-Minister of Security, General Lars Winnear, is the leader.

And Lars Winner won't come to Alasdair I Frosticus alone. A special group will come with him. The group includes investigation experts, good shooters, negotiators and other agents, who can help the General. The most famous of the agents is Fred Cardoso. He explained the situation: "The kidnappers asked for fifty million vintéms. We can pay only twenty-five if they continue with the scout until the end of the championship, to use his talents. But we won't pay nothing."

"Our suspicions are that the kidnappers are going to buy or pay something very expensive. If we pay the fifty million, they'll be able to buy that without difficulties. But if they stay with The Scout, they'll be able to use his negotiation talents to reduce the price of what they want to buy, so the twenty-five million would be sufficient. And be sure that The Scout is an excellent negotiator. With his ability, he could make some fantastic deals and... other fantastic things. Anyway, he is very good at businesses."

The General Lars Winnear talked about the host's suspicions that Pai Dinah's visions were wrong: "Although we're not sure if what Pai Dinah said is true, this is the best thing that we have until now. Maybe they're right, but we need to declare that we don't know if the kidnappers are from the Dreamed Realm, or if they only travelled here with supporters. With so many people coming here, including staff members, players, reporters, important people and supporters, we need to consider all the hypotheses."

The entertainer of the National Team, Serginho Mallandro, talked about Pai Dinah's visions. Everybody already knew that he doesn't believe on the spiritual medium. And he said: "I think that Alasdair I Frosticus's representatives are right. We shouldn't believe on that crazy old man. He should go to the Landau Institute, but nobody listen to me. I know that The Scout's kidnapping is a serious thing, and it's real, as the kidnappers contacted us. But it's because of that the we shouldn't listen to Pai Dinah."

Bazalonia

03-05-2007, 01:45

Joseph, was amazed not only was the name given to him was a Bazalonian and in Bazalonia but evidence to make a compelling case for it was also presented.

"How did you get this?" he asked Leon Green "It's better you don't know. So I guess you'll be flying home to Bazalonia then?" asked Leon

"Yes, I will. I'll just do the touristy thing for a bit" there was something that he didn't quite trust about Leon Green. "Oh, good. If you would like someone to show you around, I'm sure I could organise something for you."

"Thanks, but I'd prefer to experience it solo."

"Okay, Just be on your guard. You know what this place can be like."

"Thanks."

Joseph heads off and goes straight to an annoymous internet Cafe where he types up an email to joseph, he was given electronic versions of the files so emailing them was easy. Though of course he checked for all sorts of Malware

Finding nothing he sends the email off to Peter Hobble and decides to start looking into Leon Green...

[NS:]The HURD

03-05-2007, 02:49

Friends, HURDists, Arridians, fans of the national team, programmers, fasns of other national teams, reporters, those of you who sit naked in front of the PC, those of you who sit naked in front of their PC have a webcam and caught Subseven (yeah, I know your IPs),

What can I say about the match? We had a hard time calibrating the GNUs. Some people call them robot,s but in my honest opinion, this is a bit off. They are not just any robots, they are the GNUs of The HURD. I mean... how can you call them robots... that is so unspecific.. like calling a horse a quadruped. DEspite the new territory, the performance was rather solid. The GNUs were not completely and utterly outplayed as you would imagine on foreign territory with almost everyone supporting the other team (but then, those GNUs don't care about the venue). Lynx saved what was thrown at it and also the rest of the defensive played well today, not perfect however. Yeah... our Schneiers still are not able to compete on equal level with the humans, that was what you thought when Sbastien Lescrit outsmarted the algorithm of our defenders. Well, think again: the HURD equalized in the 75th minute. Okay, it was rather lucky that #8 managed to make that shoot get past the ariddian keeper, but it was well coded. Those Nassi-Shneidermanns would not have had the skills for that.

In other news: Ariddia is a nice nation. Not quite on the same technical level as the Version 0.3 of The HURD, but still, I assumed the nation to be rather backwards and was happy that mentality-wise the ariddians are not that different from HURDists. Well, except the kernelhacking! :)

Alasdair I Frosticus

03-05-2007, 08:02

"....oh please, Theo.... just for old time's sake?"

"But we don't need to do a football commentary. There've been loads of media articles from the Holy Empire - Anna's Zwangzug interview, the news about the Scout, the rumours about what's happened to the Fireants supporters... We don't need a match report."

"Oh c'mon... you know you want to..."

"Just like we used to, Basil?"

"Just like we used to, Theo...."

Kick-off
"...These two proud teams taking the field, Basil, the Lions of Nedalia and the Imperial squad. Exciting times these, as the Holy Empire is hosting a World Cup for the first time since World Cup 2. Just look at the coach, Juan Tzimisces - he captained the Imperial team all the way back in that second tournament, and you can see the fierce pride on his face as he leads the team out again"

"And what's that commotion in the Imperial Box, Theo?"

"Why... I don't believe it... It's the Basileus himself, making a rare public appearance... Listen to the cheers!"

3rd minute

"...those little round pastries, you know, the ones with the maraschino cherries on top, and the almond flakes..."

"I'll just interrupt you there, Basil, because .. oh dear... I cannot believe this... a dreadful mix-up in the Imperial defence leads to Tzetzes sending an innocuous-looking backpass to Prodomoso, and the young 'keeper lets it in. A third minute own goal in front of the Basileus himself, and you have to think this is opening night nerves, Basil."

"A dreadful, dreadful error, Theo, and it's going to take a splendid display of frosty football to salvage something from this one."

15th minute
"...Babouciso sends a cross-field pass all the way to the unmarked Phocaso..."

"Went to school with his father, you know, Theo..."

"No I didn't Basil. Phocaso with the ball... quick one two with Botaniates... Phocaso sends in the cross... HEADER FROM CURCUASO!!! HE SCORES!!! CURCUASO WITH THE EQUALISER!!!"

"The lads have been attacking all-out since that early embarrassment, Theo, and they certainly deserved that goal. Which reminds me, just last week, I was washing Samantha's knickers...."

18th minute
"...which is when I noticed that the frilly little lacy bits around the edges were starting to fray. Well, I thought, when a girl needs new knickers, she needs new knickers, and...."

"I'll just interrupt that fascinating anecdote, Basil, because the ref's awarded the Holy Empire a free kick on the edge of the area, and it looks like Choniates is going to take it.... CHONIATES!!! A MAGNIFICENT CURLING FREE KICK!!! 2-1 TO THE HOLY EMPIRE!!!

24th minute
"...all out attack. Wave upon wave of Imperial attacks crashing down on the increasingly hapless Nedalian defence.... And Choniates is certainly displaying those dazzling technical skills on the ball tonight... he weaves his way through two Nedalian defenders... a quick little back-heel.... CURCUASO SHOOTS!!!! HE SCORES!!!!! TWO FOR THE CAPTAIN!!!"

"Nice work there from Curcuaso, Theo. Incidentally, I have the captain's latest photoshoot from Imperial Playgirl here in front of me...."

"This from the man who was protesting he 'ain't no arsebandit' a couple of days ago..."

"And I told you, I had a shot for that - but, well, you can't deny that he has some, errm, impressive features. Better not let that Dallas bimbo near him - she won't be able to walk for a week..."

halftime
"... 3-1 to the Empire at half-time, and the Imperial squad have been much the better side. Basil?"

"This is where I'd share a fascinating insight, Theo if I had one to share, but I don't so I'll just keep my mouth shut. Unless of course you want to hear the one about the nun, two donkeys, and a plate of spaghetti...."

78th minute
"...giant knockers! Giant knockers I tell you! The biggest knockers I've ever seen!"

"What, the ones on the doors of the Imperial Palace, Basil?"

"Absolutely, Theo - they're HUGE!!!!!!"

"Quite. And Tzimisces Jr. clears the ball with a long kick upfield, and... OH MY!!! THE NEDALIAN KEEPER'S WAAAY OFF HIS LINE!!! TZIMISCES JR. SCORES!!! A TOTAL FLUKE!!!!"

"Lucky that one, Theo, but 4-1 to the Empire, and who's complaining?"

full time
".... that remarkable last minute Nedalian consolation goal that we won't bother describing again, because, frankly, mere words can't do such a breathtaking piece of skill justice, Basil."

"Absolutely, Theo... and it makes you wonder why they couldn't play like that the rest of the game. Still, the lads seemed fired up, and 4-2 against Nedalia- I'll think we'll take that!"

"Thanks Basil. And you were right. It was fun to do that again."

"Next match, Theo?"

"Oh alright.... next match, then..."

Alasdair I Frosticus

03-05-2007, 08:04

Ariddia Group Rp Cut-off

MD2 Scores and tables (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12604771&postcount=26)

KNOCK-OUT STAGE SCHEDULES

SECOND ROUND -

Ariddia
A Winner Group 1 v. 2nd Group 4

B Winner Group 2 v. 2nd Group 3

C Winner Group 3 v. 2nd Group 2

D Winner Group 4 v. 2nd Group 1

Holy Empire
E Winner Group 5 v. 2nd Group 8

F Winner Group 6 v. 2nd Group 7

G Winner Group 7 v. 2nd Group 6

H Winner Group 8 v. 2nd Group 5

QUARTERFINALS -

Ariddia
A Winner 2nd round A v. 2nd round B

B 2nd round C v. 2nd round D

Holy Empire
D 2nd round E v. 2nd round F

E 2nd round G v. 2nd round H

SEMIFINALS

Ariddia
A Winner quarterfinal A v. quarterfinal B

Holy Empire
B quarterfinal D v. quarterfinal E

Third place match and final to take place simultaneously in both host nations through a secret soon-to-be-revealed mechanism

Ariddia

03-05-2007, 08:45

This here be a Holy Empire group cut-off for MD2.

Ariddia

03-05-2007, 11:20

http://img142.imageshack.us/img142/5060/fieldmantagum8.jpg

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/ariddia.png Ariddia 2-0 Tynelia http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/tynelia.png

Back in with a chance

The crowd of spectators at Darras Olympic Stadium, near Rêvane (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/R%C3%Aavane), was overwhelmingly Ariddian, although a number of Tynelian visitors, cheerful and optimistic, voiced their enthusistic support for their country’s team.

Neither side could afford to lose. The slightest slip-up is dangerous in the final stages of a World Cup, but in this particular case a loss would eliminate Tynelia, while, if Ariddia lost, the Rouge-et-Noirs’ hopes for qualifying would be slim indeed.

The Ariddians looked fit and eager as they performed the ulek ( http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ulek) in front of an excited crowd and a stoic, unflinching Tynelian team. Then the match was underway, and a fast pace was rapidly established as Tynelian Jay Masterson took control of the ball, swerved past John Cohen, and was only just stopped by Ke Sho ( http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ke_Sho) before he could arm a shot on goal. Sho sent the ball flying back to the opposite end of the field, but Tynelian supporters were cheering.

The rest of the first half was mostly dominated by the Rouge-et-Noirs, culminating with a goal by Sébastien Lescrit in the 37th minute, although their opponents made them fight hard for every shot on goal.

A second Ariddian goal, by Ie O in the sixty-first minute, means that the Rouge-et-Noirs now have strong hopes of qualifying for the next round. Their final match in Group 1 will be against Errinundera, who qualified today by defeating the HURD 3-1 in Stade National Rêvane-Sud. Ariddia needs a draw in order to advance, unless Tynelia defeats the HURD, in which case the Ariddians can advance with only four points.

Xavier Xu ( http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Xavier_Xu) – who performed flawlessly today – told the media the entire team was looking forward to the upcoming match against Errinundera.

“It seems fitting that it should be our final match of the group stages, the one we need to win in order to qualify,” the Ariddian captain said. “The potoroos beat us last time, but here we know we can really count on the home crowd. Although they all like the potoroos too!” He laughed. “Anyway, it’s a match a lot of people have been looking forward to, I think.”

Meanwhile, third goalkeeper Cassie Ler ( http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Cassie_Lee) has been seen spending time with a male Errinundrian supporter in a café on Avenue Weyle’e, in Rêvane. Asked about it, the short (1m61), cute goalkeeper said only, with a smile: “So? I’ve found a friend. Errinundrians are very friendly. You should know that.”

Lee is sometimes nicknamed “Princess”, due to her being the grand-daughter of an Uhuh-Ropean baroness, and, at last count, about 120th in the line of succession for the throne of Uhuh-Ropa. Her connections to foreign royalty are only one reason why she has attracted people’s attention, however; her intelligence, charming personality, good looks and friendliness are combined with a level of skill as a goalkeeper which she displayed while playing for the Southern University football club during her student days, but has not had the opportunity to exercise much yet for the Rouge-et-Noirs. Despite her undeniable skill as a football player, she is outshone (for now) by her team-mate Xavier Xu, one of the best Ariddian footballers of his generation.

Lee, therefore, is still waiting for her big moment in the Rouge-et-Noirs’ goalcage. In the meantime, her multi-faceted character continues to interest and intrigue Ariddians and foreigners alike. A graduate in psychology, she will one day inherit the title of baronness, but says she is very happy working as an air hostess for Ariddian Airlines (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ariddian_Airlines). “It’s great!” she once told reporters. “I get to travel all over the world.” And, asked about what she liked best in life, Lee named “chocolate, literature, anything pink, and Korean classical music”. Perhaps, in years to come, Ariddians will see this complex but friendly young woman more and more often on football pitches and television screens.

Mixed luck for visitors

Of the fifteen foreign teams competing in Ariddia, three have already qualified alongside Errinundera. Squornshelous, Commerce Heights and Bettia will, not surprisingly, be advancing to the next round. But Ariddians will be bidding a regretful farewell to the players and fans of Tynelia, Green Wombat, Starblaydia, Fmjphoenix and Assegai Developments, whjo are all eliminated at the end of day 2.

Ariddians living in Wavecrest (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Wavecrest), however, will probably be flocking to Wavecrest City Stadium to watch the remaining Group 2 matches with great interest. Oliverry, the Lowland Clans and Jeruselem are battling it out for the top two spots. The francophone Oliverrans have received strong support from francophone Ariddians (“L’Oliverry en finale! On est tous avec vous!” was one sign held up in the stadium during the latest match), while Dazza Dallas has become a local curiosity for the inhabitants of the city.

Not all visitors will be returning home if their favourite team loses, however. A spokesman for the Sub-Secretariat for Immigration in Rêvane has confirmed that “a not insignificant number” of permanent residency requests have been brought in by foreign fans who had theoretically come to Ariddia for the World Cup.

“Our country is among the most progressive in the world,” the spokesman noted. “We’re a democracy with strong civil rights, no unemployment, where everyone is guarenteed a job, a home, and access to food, water and healthcare. We’re used to coping with people who come here to visit and then want to stay.”

He did not, however, divulge whether any of the applicants were requesting political asylum, nor whether any players from the visiting football teams were among the prospective immigrants.

Errinundera

03-05-2007, 12:23

News items from Le Monde, the Deddique (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Deddick) daily newspaper.

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/lemonde.png

FOOTBALL UPROAR – DISALLOWED GOAL REINSTATED

As Rejistanian referee, Selekemedalatedejoroiru Karalajasumuteneverexana, blew his whistle to end the game the potoroos believed they had won 3-nil using a novel game plan (see match report below). A few minutes later, to their astonishment, the score was revised to 3-1. It seems the referee had consulted with the line staff and overruled a previous decision not to allow a goal that had been claimed by the GNUs at the 73rd minute.

At the centre of the scandal is stand-in goalkeeper (see match report below) rosaniel. A shot on goal by a HURD unit hit the crossbar and dropped to the ground before being cleared by the angelic genderqueer captain. Many HURD units in the stadium claimed that enough of the ball had crossed the line to be counted as a goal. Film footage of the incident is inconclusive. rosaniel can't say one way or the other. “It may have been a goal. In the heat of the moment I was intent on clearing the ball. I’m not sure how the referee could tell. I think he was swayed by the units in the crowd. They have excellent eyesight and they seemed to believe to a unit that it had been a goal. To be honest, he looked frightened after the initial decision. I wouldn’t like to be in the bad books of 15,000 robots with incompletely tested programming.”

Under the hard-to-find rules of the NSWCC the score of 3-1 will stand unless Errinundera makes a protest. President of the Errinundera Football Association has ruled that out. “We’ve made it to the second round regardless. We don’t need that sort of litigation going on while we’re trying to win a World Cup.” Ariddia may not be so sanguine should their team fail to progress as a result of that goal.

STAR SCORER STRIKES OUT ACROSS TOWN

As if being a professional World Cup footballer and a concert pianist is not enough, leading potoroo scorer, carltu, has now taken up long distance running. In the break between the match against the HURD and the much-anticipated game against Ariddia, she has run in the showcase “Across Town” race in Rêvane, finishing a creditable 103rd in a field of over 15,000.

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/carltu3.jpg
A smiling carltu near the start of the race.

carltu enjoyed the event. “It was put on especially for the World Cup and was intended to introduce the visitors to the city and give the locals a sense of participation. The course is across the city, from the jungle on one side to the jungle on the other. The best time was 21:57 minutes – the first time someone cracked 22 minutes. I was pretty pleased with my time: 23:16."

We asked carltu about the upcoming match against Ariddia. "This is the most fabulous nation we have ever visited and the Ariddians the nicest people we have ever met. As you know, we have already made it to the 2nd round. The match against the Rouge et Noirs will be a dead rubber for us but not for them. We would dearly love to see them progress to the next round also. I fear we won't be up to it mentally. If we do lose I also fear people will say we threw the match. It could be difficult."

BAPTISM OF FROST (aka BAPTISM OF FIRE 22) BLOWING HOT AND COLD

The last 48 hours have been a trying time for the Errinundera Football Association (EFA). Following an official announcement that Errinundera had won the right to host the Baptism of Fire 22, the EFA had set in train a huge logistical process to be ready in time at the completion of World Cup 34. Then came the shock announcement. There would be an election by the EWCC to decide between the Errinundera bid and one by Sel Appa even though it had been lodged after the cut-off date. “It was embarrassing,” says EFA convenor, ermainegree. “Talk about being politburo chief one day and proletarian the next.”

In the event Errinundera won the election. “We can now re-start our preparations. As promised earlier, a full announcement will be made after the quarterfinals are played.”

NOVEL PLAN BEATS BETA PROGRAMMING

Errinundera defeated the HURD today by a clever application of robot psychology: they radically re-arranged the team. In the first half the midfield played as defenders with matthieug as goalkeeper, the attack played in the midfield and the defence played in attack. The plan worked with brilliantly as normal goalkeeper arata kicked one goal, and normal defenders ininggu and urumi also scored one apiece.

Novice scorer, arata, explained why the strange change of line-up had been adopted. “It is well known that one of the shortcomings of the HURD beta is that it was released with only minimal development of the emotional subroutines. Now, one of our guys, udhistirap, is completing a Ph.D. on Artificial Intelligence and, in particular, the role of emotions in intelligence. He told us that emotion is the basis of all decision making. Studies have shown that people who, through injury or operation, have had the emotion centres of their brains incapacitated are no longer able to make decisions, even about the most basic everyday things. For robots this is not usually a problem as they normally operate within a limited environment where no decision making is required outside the parameters of the program that is guiding them. If an AI is going to encounter unforseen circumstances then it must be able to make decisions and that requires emotional intelligence. We know that each of the units is carefully programmed with the specifications of the players they are likely to meet on the field. For other players this hasn’t been done. For example, their goalie has no idea of the playing style of our goalie and wouldn’t have a clue how to defend against him.”

So the plan was simple. Put all the potoroos in unfamiliar positions and, being emotional creatures, they would be able to make good decisions while the program bound HURD would be all at sea. In the first half it worked beautifully with Errinundera scoring 3 goals by half time.

Aware that the massive team of hackers and programmers behind the scenes would be working frantically to update the beta programs in the units, the potoroos completely re-arranged the team again after the break, with the attack becoming the defence, the midfield moving to attack and the defence moving to the midfield. rosaniel became the goalkeeper. “It was weird but it worked. We weren’t as good in the second half and they did manage that disputed goal while we were scoreless. Really, we were getting confused ourselves and were just playing out the game.”

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Errinundera.png
Errinundera 3
(arata 7, ininggu 13, urumi 19)

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/The HURD.png
The HURD 1
(GNU unit 73)

Errinundera's WC34 scorers:
13 carltu
10 rosaniel (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Rosaniel)
9 scerberu
6 snaporoo
4 immelfar
4 isshare
2 matthieug
1 aptai
1 arata
1 ininggu
1 urumi

Jeruselem

03-05-2007, 14:16

The opening logo fo DazMania and then ... small girl in pink, a minature of Dazza Dallas stands in a studio.

"Hello, this is DazMania! I'm Kate Bush, Dazza's little girl. Since Mum is busy sleeping with football scouts I'm doing her shows. Wait you might ask, what's Dazza doing putting her children on TV? I asked alright! I wanted to be on TV, and this show is the thing for me. Now, why dressed like schoolgirl, err because I am one. Don't worry about my schoolwork, I'm doing fine. Back to the show and not myself. Hey computer people!" (waves arms around)

(Tower finally appears)

"Yay, look there's the quiz question. Computer people up there go to sleep sometimes if you haven't noticed. Name a Jeruselem coach or assistant World Cup coach! Yeah, it's not hard it is? The sample answer is Dazza Dallas, my Mum who is current World Cup 34 coach, but there's seven more answers left. Remember, Jeruselem have played from World Cup 11 to World Cup 34 - so come on! Get ya thinky cappies on. Before we all start, I'm going remind you all what prizes we have apart from the cash. Mum is feeling all generous today! We've got sports drinks, footballs, world cup jerseys, team photos, sports bags and err oh sports underwear. Just a reminder, you must be over 18 to ring up or if you are like me - then you ask your parents to ring up. It's 1 shekel a call from normal phones, and 5 from mobile phones. Don't ask me why mobiles cost so much, I'm just a bimbo schoolgirl. Right, let's have some commercials and start the fun!"

(a few commercials)

"Hello, welcome back to DazMania. For those who missed the start, I'm Kate Dallas ... the Little Bike. You know, Dazza's little girl. A hello out there to my schoolfriends who can't phone in. I hope you enjoy the show. The producer told me, if you get answer right - you can double your money! If you said Dazza Dallas for the current question, then you could double your prize money if you said what world cups they coached - if you said Mum coached World Cup 34. So we here at DazMania are always thinking of new ways to challenge and reward our DazManiacs. A lot of people ask how come my language skills are so advanced, me and Mum sit and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk a lot. Dad sez I talk too much too. Oh first caller. Hello hello!" (giggles)

Caller: Oh hi Kate, I'm Jack.
Kate: Nice to talky Jack, so got an answer for Katy girl?
Caller: My son wants your phone number but I think you two are far too young for that kind of stuff. Answer is Kate Bush.
Kate: Oh Kate, I'm Kate too (giggles). Let's see if that computer put it on the tower ... (GONG SOUND) ... oh no, it's not there! I tell ya what, I'm going give your son a nice football. Just stay on the line.
Caller : Thanks Kate.

Kate: See, no Kate Bush but just keep calling. Hey, don't forget to watch Mum and err ... err ... Donkey ... Derkie ... Dunkie ... Dinkie on THE FOOTBALL LIFE. The bestest football show on TV! You know one day, I'm going be there too. Maybe not World Cup 35 but err ... never mind. I can talk but I can't count properly. Oh someone is calling ...

Caller: Hi Kate, this is Kate.
Kate: Kates everywhere! How are ya!
Caller: Good you look just like your Mum, I have an answer for you Kate.
Kate: Yeah, what is it?

Caller: Debbie Dallas, your auntie I think.
Kate: Auntie Debbie! (giggles) Oh yeah, is she in the tower thingy. (waves arms again) Come computer on people! (Balloons start falling) YAY YAY YAY WOO HOO (jumps around)
Caller: I won?
Kate: You won 100 shekels! Hey, what about the bonus ... come on!
Caller: Err, I dont know about that ... World Cup 29?

Kate: (looking at PDA) No, my auntie didn't coach that one! That's alright, you're still a winner. 100 shekels coming your way. See, it's easy everyone. Oh, auntie coached for World cup 33. I knew that one, Mum told me. (smiling). Oh yeah, see if Kate can win so can you. Hold it everyone, we have something news from Arridia! I don't want to read this but I have to ... oh, I do have to!

(Kate looks quite unhappy and sulky)

Kate: OK Mum's team lost to Oliverry ONE TWO. And The Lowland Clans beat Green Wombat TWO ONE. Bettia won their game oNE NIL. We lost, this is not good! I think we'd better go for a commercial break now, I'm gonna sulk.

(After the show)

Phil (Producer): Hey Kate! What's wrong with Dazza's little girl?
Kate: We lost!
Phil: Hey, but you did great on first show Kate. Don't worry. I think the people out there were happy how you did and you looked cute.
Kate: Really? Thanks.

Phil: For someone so young, you have great future on TV. Just like your Mum.
James: Hi everyone, hi Kate!
Phil: This is my youngest son.
James: You're cute Kate (smiles)

Kate: Thanks (smiling)
Phil: Your dad rang and asked me to take you home.
James: Can I sit next to Kate!
Kate: I think he likes me!

Phil: Charming like your Mum. Now forget we lost the game, I'm sure we win the next game.
Kate: I hope so ...
James: Don't worry Dad, I'll cheer her up!
Phil: Keep it clean kids.

Assegai Developments

03-05-2007, 18:56

The Crimson Blade
Riskbreakers Go Quietly Into the Night

The end came in the 83rd minute, when Bettian defender Said bin Said Ismail headed the ball off a corner kick, past the flailing arms of Assegai Developments keeper Callo Merlose, and into the net. A second later, Bettian players and supporters erupted into a loud roar, celebrating what would be the winning goal in what had been up until that point, a duel of two stubborn keepers.

“I saw Fleur [Delacour] go up to challenge Said, but he beat her to the ball and he caught me changing directions on the fly,” said a downtrodden Merlose after the game. “I was unable to react in time, but I tried. It was a great goal.”

Although Assegai put together another great effort against another No. 1-ranked team, they were unable to get the ball past Bettian keeper and team captain Mitchell Ellis, who was a stone wall throughout the game.

“We were aware that Assegai has had to face a No. 1 team at some point during qualifying or the proper in each of their World Cup runs, so we knew they were not about to roll over for us,” Mitchell said. “They’ve got some firepower in that lineup, but I was able to make a few good saves and my defense helped clean up any scraps.”

Assegai’s best chance came in the 32nd minute, when Delacour combined with forward Viktor Krum on a give-and-go to get forward Severus Snape open on a one-on-one run to the net. However, Mitchell charged at Snape, shutting down his angles, and when Snape tried to chip the ball over him, the shot hit the upper right corner of the woodwork and was cleared by a Bettian defender.

“We gave it our best go,” said Snape, who was visibly glum. “I know we let down our supporters… Nobody wants to make it to the Proper and go down like this. We haven’t even scored a goal yet.”

Thousand of Assegai supporter mingled with Turruth Gordur and Fort Europe supporters, who were also pulling for their regional rivals. After the game, a few pockets of these groups remained but they weren’t their usual jovial selves, chanting and singing.

“If we can at least beat Fmjphoenix maybe we can give our fans something to smile about,” said Assegai midfielder and captain Ashley Riot. “We really need to score some goals, though. This is like being at a restaurant and smelling all the good food and not getting to taste a bite. It’s frustrating. I know—we know—that Bettia are a great team. But, despite what everyone says about our squad, I really thought we could have beaten Bettia tonight.”

Adding to the sullen atmosphere in the dressing room, Assegai manager Sir Knight Edgard Zúniga entertained rumors that he might leave the squad at the end of the World Cup.

“We have a decent squad, but we’ve been inconsistent as of late,” Riot said. “Optimists will say that losing to the No. 1-ranked World Cup champions by only one goal is a moral victory. However, the bottom line is we lost. In fact, we only have one win in our last six matches. That is unacceptable.”

Match Summary

(1) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/bettia.png Bettia 1

(34) http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/assegai_developments.png Assegai Developments 0

[BET]
Said bin Said Ismail (83’)

[AD]
None

Yellow Cards:
None

Red Cards:
None

@ ubhashinim Ahwa’u Stadium

Mikaela Eyre Reporting

Milchama

03-05-2007, 23:10

"Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!"

"What?!"

"We weren't able to call Margaret in time!"

"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!"

"People only came in time for the Haka meaning we couldn't complete the ceremony until the game started"

"So what happened?"

"We lost of course although we did only lose by 1. Marin Keffer was excellent a nice solo effort"

"Nice"

"That's two goals for him this cup right?"

"Yeh"

"Nice"

"Anyway back on topic WE NEED TO PRAY NOW"

"Yes with two rubber chickens"

"Agreed"

*Rings the hornbell... people gather*

"People of Milchama! We need a win today! NOW! Even if you believe what Douglas Jefferey wrote we need you!"

"We play Nedalia tommorow! We must win to advance to the next round! Come on everybody here we go a 1! a 2! a 3!"

"Take me out to the Ball Game
Take me out to the crowd
Buy me some peanuts and crackerjacks
I don't care if I ever get back
For it's root root root for the Warriors!
If they don't win it's a shame
For it's 1!-2!-3! strikes your out
At the old ball game!"

"Let's get some goals!"

"Wow that was weird"

"Yeh anyway"

"Now! The Haka!"

''Ringa pakia!''
''Uma tiraha!''
''Turi whatia!''
''Hope whai ake!''
''Waewae takahia kia kino!''
''Ka mate, ka mate''
''Ka ora, ka ora''
''Ka mate, ka mate''
''Ka ora, ka ora''
''Tēnei te tangata pūhuruhuru''
''Nāna nei i tiki mai whakawhiti te rā''
''Ā upane, ka upane''
''Whiti te rā, hī!''

"Excellent and now run around screaming!"

*13 minutes of craziness later*

"You have chicken one"

"Yes!"

"CUT IT! no wait! Margaret may you accept this sacrifice on behalf of Milchama so that we may vanquish Nedalia and qualify for the outrounds of the World Cup"

*Misses the head*

"YOU MISSED AGAIN!"

"It moved"

"It's an inaninamate object! It can't move!"

"Oh yes it can"

"Oh my god! It's gone"

"TOLD YOU!"

"Shoot ummm let's sacrifice the second one"

*Cuts head off*

"Thank you Margaret for taking this sacrifice with the good will of the sports teams of Milchama may it bring them many future victories."

Zwangzug

04-05-2007, 00:19

Zwangzug's e-Lipogram
World Cup Draw...no...not that kind of draw...

Zwangzug's national football squad is playing with surprising skill in this World Cup. Its last match was a 1-1 draw with Bazalonia. All scoring was in half two: Ricky Yunn's goal for Bazalonia, and Olson's off a tiring Kanga. Zwangzug is still on top of group 8. It looks as if a win or draw would put it into knockout play. A loss could also, if Bazalonia is not victorious.

Still don't know what this "football" thing is? Basics with links follow.

G is for Grumpy
Old hosts, such as this
Cup's, pining for
"Good old days" that many miss.

H is for Harmony and its cup (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Cup_of_Harmony)
Just as that of Frost (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Frosty_Cup)
Providing matchups
To squads that had lost.

The Archregimancy

04-05-2007, 01:51

THE ARCHREGIMANCY BRINGS YOU

WORLD CUP TONIGHT

With Fr. Nicholas the Scribe and Fr. John the Golden-Throated

"So... Fr. John... Northern Caesarea... Is our soul-strengthening suffering finally at an end?"

"Temporarily, Fr. Nicholas, temporarily. The Caesareans were deeply impressive in qualifying, but their fans have been some of the quietest of any nation this World Cup - and with a 3-1 loss to the soulless gnomes of Az-cz in their first match followed by our 4-1 win last night, they have a lot to be quiet about."

"4-1, Fr. John? That was quite the comeback after the disappointing 3-1 loss to Elves Security Forces..."

"Indeed, Fr. Nicholas. A brace each for Fr. Silouan and Fr. Innocent - who have still scored all but one of the team's goals between them this campaign - and a late consolation from Urrutikoetxea, and the win was ours. But you see, I think I have the team's strategy worked out - and a fine, Orthodox, God-fearing strategy it is too. I need hardly tell you of all people the emphasis that the Orthodox Church places on tradition, whether secular tradition or Holy Tradition."

"Indeed, Fr. John"

"Well, that means that any monk - even a footballing one - is most comfortable in a traditional setting. So the Archregimancy, in an attempt to bring Holy Tradition to the World Cup, has formed its own tradition of disappointingly losing its first match against lower-ranked opposition, and then getting a win and a draw out of the last two matches, leaving qualification for the knockout stages in the hands of the infinite wisdom of the Lord our God. Third cup in a row, now, Fr. Nicholas - so it's a tradition, see?"

"Which means that you're expecting a draw against the soulless naked gnomes?"

"Quite right, Fr. Nicholas, which means that our fates will be in the hands of the Lord - and the result of the Northern Caesarea-ESF match. What could be more natural to the footballing monk than placing our fate in the hands of others? It would be most presumptuous of us to believe that we can understand the will of God. We must simply accept."

"But there are those who say, Fr. John, that this path of placid acceptance is what's holding us back from greater sporting success. Those who say that if we tried harder to win, and were less accepting of the results that the Lord hands to us, we could well be a footballing force to be reckoned with..."

"But is winning everything, Fr. Nicholas? Do we need to win something as transient and fleeting as a football match? What is victory on the field of play compared to the final victory of eternal life? Look at what we've achieved... conversions of an Ariddian, a Wentlander and now an Errinunderan. Two Orthodox Bazalonians leaving their secular lives for Archregimancy monasteries. Are these five personal victories not worth a thousand footballing victories? Through trust in the Lord all things are possible..."

"Even a victory against Az-cz?"

"If it comes, Fr. Nicholas, we shall take it in gratitude. If not, we shall still thank the Lord for his bounty and love. Either way, we win spiritually, even if we lose the match."

Cafundeu

04-05-2007, 02:14

O JUTENSE NEWSPAPER – ASSOCIATED WITH GLOBO MULTIMEDIA

WORLD CUP 34 COVERAGE FROM ALASDAIR I FROSTICUS
Match Report written by O Jutense editor, Milene Escobar
With phrases and images from Globo Multimedia’s coverage, commented by Breno Gavião

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ANOTHER POINT WON, THIS TIME AGAINST DEMOT

http://img91.imageshack.us/img91/3528/bridgeyn9.jpg
Alasdair I Frosticus is hosting Cafundéu’s games

In the second round of the World Cup, Cafundéu had to play against Demot for a third time since the qualifiers. Before this game, Cafundéu lost all the games, but had some improvement in the last one. This time Cafundéu had to play better, as an important result was necessary to keep the team with chances to qualify for the second round. After Zwangzug’s victory against the Dynamo, the Monopolists were confident.

And, after a difficult game, Cafundéu showed will to fight and was able to get an important draw, keeping its chances to qualify and ending the round in the second position of the group. The last game will be against Zwangzug, and a win is necessary, as with a draw the team will depend on other results and with a loss will be completely eliminated.

The problem is that Zwangzug is having some wonderful result in the World Cup until now. After an impressive victory against Demot in the first game, the team fought hard against the Bazalopes and could get a draw. With that result, Zwangzug stays in the first position, and with good chances to qualify. The team only can’t lose to Cafundéu.

THE GAME
Extremely worried about the difficulty of the game, the coach David Nefasto put a less offensive strategy, more focused on the counterattacks and counting with the strength of the two defensive midfielders. In the first minutes, Anormal and Priotto did a good job starting some attacks and stopping the opponent’s ones. After some time, Demot couldn’t attack well and the coach decided to change the team’s strategy.

Demot, which was attacking by the centre, started to use the wings very often. With this change, Cafundéu’s defensive midfielders couldn’t stop the opponent’s attacks, and Demot dangerously came. After some missed attacks, Sans went to the right wing, dribbled Kirs and crossed the ball to the area. Masteron dominated it inside the area and shot. Júnior didn’t even move. Read Breno Gavião:

“Demot explorrrrres the rrrrright wing again, this time with Sans. The midfielder is dangerrrrrous, Kirs trrrrries to get the ball back... and suffers the drrrrribble. He has a good chance to crrrrross... he does that, Masterrrrron in the arrrrrea. He rrrrreceives, shoots... and it’s a goal! Goal for Demot! Masteron! Demot one, Cafundéu zero!”

The goal had a negative impact on Cafundéu, which started to miss many passes and couldn’t create very good chances. The team tried, but Demot was much better in the game, and tried to score more. An excellent chance was missed in the last minutes of the half. Masteron received the ball near the area, dribbled Sávio Ferrari and shot, but over the bar. Read Breno Gavião:

“What is happening with our beloved team? Rrrrreact, Cafundéu, rrrrreact! Demot comes again, Masterrrrron, please don’t scorrrrre. He will try to invade the arrrrrea, drrrrribbles Sávio Ferrrrrari, invades... shoots... over the bar! Missed chance for Demot! Good for Cafundéu! Buy Alpina chocolates, quality chocolates from all over the world!”

http://img62.imageshack.us/img62/4586/semttulocaftg7.jpg
Demot’s players before the game

After the halftime, Cafundéu returned much more serious. Something happened in the dressing room. Renário went to the game and Kirs left. When the second half started, Cafundéu’s players were extremely concentrated and ready to play the game of their lives. In the first minute, Dário passed the ball to Ijak, who shot to the goal. The ball made a curve, hit the post and entered in the goal. Read Breno Gavião’s comments:

“And the second half starts, with Cafundéu! Rrrrrenário made the first pass to Anorrrrrmal, who passed the ball to Dário. The midfielder rrrrruns to the attack. Beautiful pass to Ijak, he avoids the defender, shoots... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Replay please! Ijak, number nine! Cafundéu one, Demot one!”

With the draw, Cafundéu seemed much more calm in the game and both teams were having an equal performance, and the game was still very open. Demot’s coach, Charles Dogood, made some changes in the team to try to get the victory. And they worked. Unitus got a rebound in the middle of the area and passed the ball to Carmichael, who stayed in front of Léo Mattos and shot to score the goal.

Time was passing, and Nefasto started to jump and make some strange gestures near the field, worried about the team. Then, he started to pray. The game was ending, but in the last minutes Cafundéu won a corner. Everybody went to the area, even the goalkeeper Júnior. Kliek took the corner and Júnior headed the ball. Orien made a fantastic save, but Becão headed the rebound and scored the goal. Read Breno Gavião:

“Corrrrrner kick to Cafundéu. Nine players of Cafundéu inside the arrrrrea. Kliek will take it... the ball goes to the arrrrrrea, Júnior heads it... ORIEN! The rrrrrebound goes to Becão... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! The replay is essential! Becão, number four! Cafundéu two, Demot two! Namodda clothes, all the styles are here!”

AFTER THE GAME
The Monopolists considered the result as a victory. The coach David Nefasto said: “I’m breathless. We were attacking, trying to score for nine minutes and nothing. Suddenly, the goal! This goal can bring us to the next phase! Now we’ll go after Zwangzug!” Barbosa said: “Look out, Zwangzug! We are stronger than ever, and willing to qualify!”

Becão, the best player of the match, said: “I had a good game playing in the defense, but the goal was really special. Júnior headed well the ball, but the goalkeeper was amazing. Luckily, I scored.” The midfielder Kliek said: “It was strange to see all the players inside the area. Only Priotto was outside the area and I took the corner. I was really confident in this play, as Anormal and Becão are very good at heading.”

http://img211.imageshack.us/img211/8459/semttulolz0.jpg
Cafundéu’s players commemorate Becão’s goal

CAFUNDÉU 2x2 DEMOT

Place: Imperial Hippodrome, in Alasdair I Frosticus.
Attendance: 100,000 people.
Referee: Herbert Maresias (Vilita).
MOTM: Becão (Cafundéu).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Júnior, Léo Mattos (Alemão 80’), Kirs (Renário 45’), Becão and Sávio Ferrari; Anormal, Priotto, Dário (Barbosa 70’) and Kliek; Heitor and Ijak.
Coach: David Nefasto.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/demot.png DEMOT: Orien, Mataios, Falls, Thorax and Dario (Carmichael 60’); Vorca (Stark 67’), Masteron and Sans; Maryweather, Unitus and Ben (Corin 45’).
Coach: Charles Dogood.

Goals:CAF: Ijak 46’ , Becão 88’.
DEM: Masteron 20’ , Carmichael 79’.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cafundéu – formation for the game against Zwangzug: Júnior, Léo Mattos, Kirs, Becão and Sávio Ferrari; Anormal, Falcus, Dário and Kliek; Heitor and Ijak.
Coach: David Nefasto.
Style of +2

Match’s Referee: Fr. Lucas the Fair (The Archregimancy).

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

WC goalscorers:

1- G. Ijak, Becão and M. Priotto

Bazalonia

04-05-2007, 03:21

"Bazalonia, it all comes down to the last matchday." said a pirate radio news host who tries to keep his identity a secret.

"After shocking performances against Zwangzug and Cafundeu in which the Bazalopes barely eeked out a draw, the Bazalopes will be facing Demot. The two teams that were commonly predicted to be on top of the ladder for Group 8 are languishing in 3rd and 4th places. However it is not all doom and gloom every team is still in with a chance while groups 4 and 6 have already been decided."

"It comes down to who will win. Whichever teams win will make it through however if Demot and Bazalonia Draw then the Bazalopes only hope is for Cafundeu to lose against Zwangzug or for the Bazalopes get get up over Cafundeu on Goals For with a cafundue Draw."

"Group 8 had certainly more than it's share of draws with Both Cafundeu and Bazalonia drawing both their matches and with Demot being the only team to lose against Zwanzug which was certainly unexpected. We have seen totally different performances for the Bazalopes between the Qualifying and the group stage of the finals, the question is can the Bazalopes pull up their proverbial socks. And now, I have to leave. See you next time Pirate Radio 101 FM

Alasdair I Frosticus

04-05-2007, 08:09

THE HOLY EMPIRE HERALD

IMPERIAL VICTORY OVER WARRIORS SENDS TEAM INTO 2ND ROUND
Zwangzug Broadcaster/Programmer Pronounced 'Dreamy'

By Anna Comneno

A fine 2-1 victory for the Holy Empire over a solid Milchama team sent the unbeaten Imperial squad through to the second round for the second consecutive World Cup last night. A fine solo effort from the visitor's Marin Keffer wasn't enough to overcome two first half goals from Choniates and Tzimisces Jr. The latter goal, a 30th minute penalty, places the central defender and veteran of several world cup campaigns in the unusual position of being the Empire's joint top scorer alongside captain Curcuaso and midfielder Choniates, aboth of whom have also scored two goals.

Coach Juan Tzimisces is said to be 'proud' of his son, but has warned against complacency. "We'll be playing either Wentland or Schiavonia in the second round, and both of them are top sides. If we're to reach the quarterfinals for the first time since World Cup 2 - when I was captaining the squad - we need to perform at our very best."

HEFA officials refused to comment on the bizarre pre-match rituals of the Milchaman national squad, which involved ritual singing and dancing, and the sacrificing of a rubber chicken to a deity known only as 'Margaret'. "It's a free country" said a senior HEFA official, speaking on condition of anonymity "and while the OCHE is our official church, we certainly don't discriminate against the beliefs of visiting teams, however, well, odd."

In other World Cup news, Holy Empire officials are still denying knowledge of the whereabouts of Cafundeu scout The Scout, noting only that the matter is 'under constant review'. Elsewhere, Zwangzug match commentator and software programmer Alan Babbage has surprisingly lept to the top of the 'Dreamiest Commentator' competition featured on this reporter's blog, ahead of local favourites Basil and Theo, after receiving 35000 votes from a single ISP, the owner of which must by now have a very sore thumb. Reports that my thumb is currently heavily bandaged are grossly exagerrated.

---------------------------------------------------------------
Elsewhere, in a less reputable publication...

THE WEEKLY WORLD NATIONAL SUN ENQUIRER

ANNA AND ALAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hot Reporter Seen With Hunky Foreigner!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

By Arcadius Lecapno

Was that hot Holy Empire Herald reporter Anna Comneno doing the nasty with Zwangzug's Alan Babbage in the Imperial Hippdrome car park last night? You bet it was.... at least according to an unnamed and anonymous source who sent us photographs that clearly show a man and a woman doing things that little boys and girls are far too young to know about. That the faces of the stud and the chick getting it on are completely hidden in the photographs that we paid far, far, too much for, and that both parties have vigorously denied our top scoop doesn't stop us from asking.... Anna and Alan... when's the wedding?

Jeruselem

04-05-2007, 08:26

Somewhere in Arridia ...

Kate Bush is jumping around and shouting at the Jeruselem team while Dazza Dallas is asleep at training for the game against the Lowland Clans.

Kate Bush: Hey, wake up Dazza!
Dazza: Whoa, what ...
Kate Bush: You fell asleep.
Dazza: Oh, sorry. Baby was playing a World cup game in my stomach last night, so I had trouble sleeping.

Kate Bush: Oh that, I know the feeling. So what you do instead?
Dazza: Watched DazMania, with my little girl doing her thing. I'm so proud! Apart from the sulking, she was handling things well for her age.
Kate Bush: She was bit sulky for a while, I wonder where that comes from eh?
Dazza: My family live and breathe World Cup results. We take losses badly. We don't go backwards, we've had enough of poverty and deprevation before - now is the time to go forward.

Kate Bush: I did notice that.
Dazza: Why is Big Gay Al on the ground?
Kate Bush: Must have fallen over, I'll check what's going on.
Dazza: Not another injury I hope.

(Kate Bush goes over to see Big Gay Al and comes back)

Kate Bush: Twisted foot, damn. He says he can't play now.
Dazza: Crap ...
Kate Bush: Rashina's captain now then?
Dazza: I guess so (sighs)

Doctor: What's the problem, girls?
Kate Bush: Al's twisted his foot, can you check it out?
Doctor: No problem, I hope I can do something but it is really bad he'll be unable to play
Dazza: I know

(Later)

Doctor: Bad news coach, it's not bad but he's not going be available for the next match.
Dazza: I thought so.
Kate Bush: Well, I think it's time we put that robot friend of yours as a striker.
Dazza: She can play anywhere really. Let's hope she kicks ass.

Kate Bush: Gameplan Dazza?
Dazza: Attack at all costs, just go for it. The team play too defensively of late, we need to score goals quickly.
Kate Bush: I agree. And our conversion rate hasn't been good of late either.
Dazza: Yes, the goals just aren't coming fast enough. Split the team in two and let's watch them play a mini-game where attack is the focus.

(The team assemble)

Kate Bush: OK guys. I want two teams - and don't bother about being defensive. Two 15 minute halves and I want to see attack, OK. I want goals. You guys choose your teams with Rashina and Maggie as captains. We'll watch and see what we think. That's it. Dazza Deux is keeping score since most of you can't count. Team - we want to see attack, and fast moves. Not this crappy slow play, go forward fast - sweeping moves, slicing defenses in half.

(Two Jeruselem mini-teams play a 30 minute game with Dazza Deux running around as a referee)

Dazza: Ah, that's the football I want to see! Aggressive attack and real forward movement.
Kate Bush: But that Rashina is bloody insane!
Dazza: Yes she is aggressive, but she's a defender.
Kate Bush: Dinkie's shooting is still a little off too.

Dazza: We got to work on a few things still, but if they can do that during the game - we should win.
Kate Bush: OK TEAM, two laps around the ground and you can stop training.
Dazza: OUCH!
Kate Bush: You OK?

Dazza: Yeah, my baby decided to train with the team.
Kate Bush: Look, go back to hotel. I'll handle the rest of the day.
Dazza: Thanks Kate (drags herself off)
Kate Bush: Poor Dazza, with the kidnapping and the baby (sighs)

(LATER)

Kate Bush:
"OK, team. This game is real important! We must beat the Lowland Clans. A draw is no good for us since we lost to Oliverry. Dazza who's not here because she's not feeling good, wants all you to put in a big performance. All we need is to outscore the Clans - real simple. Get out there and hit the opponent hard! Don't let them settle down at all. If they have the ball, take it off them. If they want to sit in defense, make them stand up and chase you around. If you see a chance to score, don't waste it - make it count. A lot of you have been guilty of not finishing, I want every chance to count. Why are we in trouble? Because we don't score enough goals. Got the message team? When we play, we go out hard and give it all. NO GIVING UP. Do it for Dazza OK? She's still depressed about the whole SCOUT kidnapping thing, I want to get out there and play for Dazza. Look I don't care if it's a ONE NIL or TEN NIL win, but it must be a win. Everyone got the message?"

Team: Yes Kate!

Kate Bush:
"Good, don't forget ... this is the World Cup. Everyone is watching, the world is watching. I do not want our team to fail now. Questions?"

Dinkie: Is that's Dazza's underwear? (pointing to something on the ground)

Kate Bush: Err, yes ... she's always doing that. Thanks Dinkie, and Rocky ... what you smiling about?

Az-cz

04-05-2007, 11:25

Amda-Mo: Note to our fans, this isn't a repeat of last show. However this game can also be summed up like so: Pizelkaxrovsky. Kn-Dg. Pizelkaxrovsky. Kn-Dg. Pizelkaxrovsky. Kn-Dg. Pizelkaxrovsky. Kn-Dg.

Lur-Mn: Absolutely unbelievable. It's hard to top a hat trick in the world cup. But putting up a four spot on the best team in qualifying is just out of the world good.

Amda-Mo: Why weren't the elves able to contain the combo?

Lur-Mn: I dunno. Clearly they're great players. But even then it's hard to go off for four goals. They are just absolutely connected this cup. Pizelkaxrovsky is noticing just about every nice run Kn-Dg is making and Kn-Dg's not really letting any good chances go to waste.

Amda-Mo: How about the goal on the opposite end?

Lur-Mn: Same as last time. When your offense is as locked in as they were today you don't mind the slip up from the defense. And let's give the Elves credit, it was a great goal by Kiso Night. He showed why he's setting the Elves Security Forces a titter. He'll be a force to reckon with for many a cup.

Amda-Mo: So where does that leave the team in terms of qualification?

Lur-Mn: Well the Archregimancy win means that the team isn't in yet, despite what the Holy Empire is reporting. Any points see us through, as does a one goal loss. A loss by two goals or more and we have to hope the Elves can't beat Northern Caesarea. But that is unlikely, so really we need a good performance against the monks.

Amda-Mo: So do you think we'll advance?

Lur-Mn: I certainly hope so. It would be brutal to turn these two performances into defeat. If we don't revert back to the poor form we showed in qualifying we should be ok.

Amda-Mo: Looking around at the rest of the qualification what are the big points?

Lur-Mn: Clearly the biggest is the end of Starblaydia. A tough loss to Squornshelous means they can't qualify and their match against Vilita will in fact be there last. Despite being a game of little importance as Starblaydia is out and Vilita could well be out even with a win it will be a hugely watched game for the purposes of history. Jeruselem's upset at the hands of Oliverry is also noteworthy. They've got to navigate a tough game against The Lowland Clans to make the knockouts like they expect to. In the dream realm you'd have to say the hosts fine form, Rejistania stumbling against Nedalia and Schiavonia's irresistable force of an offense are the big stories, along with our own rediscovered form.

Amda-Mo: Looking ahead to the match against The Archregimancy, what are your thoughts?

Lur-Mn: Well first we have to start with the socio-political ramifications of the match. I think both sides look down on the other. We view the monks as misled fools, despite their compassion and friendliness, and they look down on us as soulless non-entities, despite our intelligence. And then there's the fact we won't be standing for their nonsense ceremony, which certainly is entirely non-sporting. Why they insist on such silliness I don't understand. They've got plenty of time to pray to their non-existant god why do they have to do it during football games? So there's all that. Plus the fact that they're sort of hosts, and fighting for their lives. They're currently in second place, but a loss or draw will leave them needing good news from Northern Caesarea, which I think neither team expects, so they'll be definitely hoping to do it on the pitch. So it ought to be an interesting game in many respects and one of the biggest audience drawers of non-aligned teams.

Amda-Mo: Alright then. Let's wrap up with the non-Gnomish top 10.

10. Zwangzug

Earning a draw with Bazalonia leaves them in prime position to get through to the second round. Any points against Cafundeu get them through. They are also a possible second round opponent.

9. Geisenfried

Sitting on four points in the group of death with a match to play is impressive. If they can knock off Squornshelous, or even steal a draw, they're through to the knockouts again, without their old coach. And Starblaydia could play their savior even with a loss. So they've got a nice chance to move on.

8. Olivery

Definitely the top of the teams sitting on four points. The huge upset over Jeruselem leaves them needing just a draw against light weight Green Wombat. How they figured out the crusaders is hard to say, but the fact they did is impressive. They might have rediscovered their old form.

7. Bettia

Some how when you're defending champs, two simple wins over lower ranked foes doesn't impress. Still two wins is two wins. We'll get a much better barometer against Commerce Heights

6. Squornshelous

Another team doomed by high expectations and close victories. Still wins over Vilita and Starblaydia are always impressive and they've clinched themselves a trip to the next round, where they are very dangerous.

5. Alasdair I Frosticus

Taking full advantage of hosting just knocking off Milchama after beating Nedalia. Two solid wins and using the dream realm to full power. Don't even need to beat Rejistania to advance.

4. Wentland

Back to their old tricks in blaking Northern Bettia. They've proved that they are a top calibre squad and now face Schiavonia in a battle of offense-defense for top spot in the group.

3. Commerce Heights

Another group where the top two are through with six points. Commerce Heights wasn't able to paste Fmjphoenix like they did to Assegai but found another three goals and another three points to look strong moving forward.

2. Errinundera

Tied for best defense and second best offense the portroos are looking quite strong. Found a 3-1 win over the HURD when the Ariddians only found a draw. Rosaniel could well carry them to a second title in his last spin around the cup. Either way they'll be a good role model for the teams who visit them for the Bapitsm of Frostfire.

1. Schiavonia

Ten goals? Are you kidding me? Against teams from last cup, one who made the second round and another who beat a finalist. And we apologize for saying they gave up two goals last time, when it was really only one. In fact they're goal differential is as much as the number of goals any other team has scored. Once again the pressure on Schiavonia will be to back up incredible group play with success in the knockouts.

Amda-Mo: So there you have it. Only one more group match to go. Come back to watch our Pink & Green battle the mad monks.

Bettia

04-05-2007, 12:59

"Come on ref, blow the bloody whistle!"

The tension inside the Pie & Pixie was, well, tense, for want of a better word. Thanks to a rare headed goal by Said bin Said Ismail, a below-par Aroras side had just snuck ahead in a rather edgy encounter with Assegai Developments. A huge groan rang out when the fourth official held up a board showing that there was still four minutes of injury time to be played. Bettia were just about hanging on by a thread to a vital lead that would see them safely through to the next round.

This certainly was not a good time for fingernails.

Ali sat nervously on his favourite stool behind the counter, joining in the communal 'Oh I hope they don't balls this up' with the rest of the customers as they all stared intently at the screen. Junilun sat next to him on the counter, arms folded, wondering just how a simple football match could mean so much to these funny little fleshlings. Behind him, Fatarani clung on to his shoulders, trying her best to reassure him.

"Don't worry Uncle Ali, I'm sure they'll win."

"Yes Uncle, and even if they don't it's not the end of the world. After all, it's only a game."

At that very moment, dozens of pairs of eyes tore themselves away from the HumungoScreen and stared directly at the young Ifrit.

"It's ONLY a game?" Fat Evan said, echoing the thoughts of all the other customers.

"Well, yes... isn't it Uncle?" she said, turning to Ali. The old man laughed.

"No, no, it's much more than that. It's a national pride thing. Each country needs something to rally behind, and if it wasn't for football, the whole world would probably be at war. Or something like that."

"Oh," she replied, raising her eyebrows. "Maybe if we had football in my realm, we wouldn't have this war going on."

"Maybe. Of course, if that didn't happen, you girls wouldn't have come here." he replied, before the switch on his kettle clicked. "Ah, good. I'm just popping back in the kitchen to make myself a cuppa. Hold the fort, will you Juni?"

Right at that moment, two figures suddenly appeared in front of Junilun. One was nothing more than a rather shapely shadow, whilst the other was a young teenage-looking girl who looked pretty normal, apart from her pale whitish-green skin and bright orange hair which tumbled down almost to her ankles.

"Hey Juni, you gotta come quick!" the shadow said.

"This is so cool." the other girl remarked.

"Why? What's going on?" Junilun asked.

"It's those Northern Bettians - they think they've only gone and found the Glimmung!"

"Yeah, and buried under the sea too!"

Junilun let out a loud laugh. "You're kidding? Everyone knows it doesn't exist, and even it if did, it wouldn't be in this world!"

Ali emerged form the kitchen, cup of tea in hand, and looked at the two newcomers.

"Oh? Friends of yours?"

"Yes! I'm Tharihi!" the shadowy girl said.

"And I'm Akhsaru!" the other girl added.

"We're just going out for a bit, Uncle Ali." Junilun said.

"Oooh! Can I come too?" Fatarani asked excitedly.

"I don't know. This ain't really the place for children." Tharihi said.

"I'm not a child, I'm 237 years old!" Fatarani pouted.

"Oh, come on then sis."

"And where are you girls going?"

"We're just going to piss the Northern Bettian army off! We'll be back soon, I promise!"

Fixtures / Results

MD..OPPONENT................VENUE...RESULT

Group 4

01: Fmjphoenix..............Ahwa'u..W 3-2
02: Assegai Developments....Ahwa'u..W 1-0
03: Commerce Heights........Ahwa'u..

Qualifying Group 3

01: Kiryu-Shi...............HOME....W 7-1
02: BYE
03: Quakmybush..............Away....L 1-3
04: Gnejs...................Away....W 5-2
05: Estresse Intenso........HOME....W 5-2
06: Northern Caesarea.......Away....W 3-2
07: Lovisa..................HOME....W 4-2
08: Kiryu-Shi...............Away....W 6-4
09: Az-cz...................HOME....W 3-2 (Friendly)
10: Quakmybush..............HOME....W 5-2
11: Gnejs...................HOME....D 1-1
12: Estresse Intenso........Away....D 0-0
13: Northern Caesarea.......HOME....W 4-2
14: Lovisa..................Away....W 6-1

Rejistania

04-05-2007, 19:13

Friends, HURDists, Errinunderan hobbyists, penguins, GNUs, emacs-believers, vi-ites, and the small minority which uses other editors,

yes, emacs vs vi debates sparked after our match after Tytso claimed he could not as smoothly take care of the 'undocumented features' as normal because he was forced to use emacs which 'is a good IRC-client, web browser, video-editing and image manipulation tool, but sucks as editor' (quote: Tytso). Well, half of the HURDists did not take this well, about the other half came to his rescue and, yay, we had a brawl. I stayed out of it. I KNOW that sam is surpeme! I recommended standartising on joe however when we got our act together again since no one can handle that psycodelic editor well and it runs on all systems we use. It was accepted and everyone installed that editor on his system. It is weird, but not everyone wants to install Plan 9 from User Space so I couldn't spread my evil agenda in this respect¹. The Errinunderan lineup appeared scrambled and as I later learned, it was a plan, but that was no prolem for the GNUs, they only differ between fellow GNUs and opponents. So basically it was a well-thought plan, which had the one small catch of not working. We lost, but I guess we'd have lost higher if they just played their game. the problem is not emotions. even though the errinunderans tend to think so their argument is mainly ad ignorance and using wrong analogies. Fact is: it is neither proven nor disproven that instelligence needs emotion, it is only suggested. Fact is also that we can not be sure that the GNUs do not feel in the same weird way as doves see.

Now, why have we lost? IMHO it was the sand. Human players already suffer from it, robots however even more. For the next match, we hope to shield the GNUs better.

¹ flames about my choice of platform will be fed to /dev/null

Zwangzug

04-05-2007, 22:07

Beep, beep, whirr, wheee-urrrrr...

Lawrence stopped pacing. BOB's quiet background humming had gotten to be a part of life (its laser fields blocking late-night exits decidedly less so: even the announcer got out more than he did), but the sound it was producing now was unique. Maybe the thing was finally cracking, and he'd get some freedom at last!

The techie raced in and started typing at it. "Nothing wrong," he said, turning his acne-ridden face to Lawrence's suddenly-crestfallen one. "Just detected some anomaly, nothing to do with us...hang on, it does have to do with us..." He bent over furiously, black hair flailing over his slight build. At times, it was hard to distinguish him from Phillip. But not even in Lawrence's hacking spree could any member of the team match the skill with which the techie went at BOB's interface. "Accessing graph...on screen. Whoa!"

Lawrence approached, looking at what appeared to be a line graph with a sudden spike. Slowly, other graphs loaded: the first one he had seen immediately outstripped them all.

The techie looked concerned. "This is some sort of running vote. I wonder if someone made a program to rig it, I don't see how this could happen otherwise..." He trailed off.

The graph flickered, then remained steady on the screen, the blip sticking out like a sore thumb.

Cafundeu

04-05-2007, 22:42

“CCFM OBLIGATED TO PAY 5 MILLION VINTÉMS TO KIDNAPPERS”

The first days of investigations under the command of General Lars Winnear were unsuccessful. Cafundéu still didn't get any track of the kidnappers, and is counting with Pai Dinah's visions to choose the places to go. And the things got worse after the kidnappers contacted the CCFM. Of course they know that Cafundéu is investigating The Scout's kidnapping, and that a group of agents is looking after them. So, they started to press the Counselor-Minister of Sports Samuel Makas.

"They know that we are after them. And because of that, they seem ready to kill The Scout if we don't follow their instructions. The fact is that this became a game. While the time passes, their advantage increases. We have now limited time to capture them, as they'll soon obligate us to give them more money. They are ready to kill The Scout if we don't cooperate. So, yesterday, we paid them five million vintéms. Only God knows what they want to do with all that money, but the life of our scout is the most important thing right now, so we decided to pay. We had to deposit the money in a account of the Nations Bank. But, after less than ten minutes, the money went to a third account, and we couldn't track it", said Samuel Makas.

"It became clear that they aren't expecting to receive all the money. They gave us a deadline, that is two days before the World Cup final. Before the quarterfinals, we'll have to pay more five million, and more five million before the semifinals. Two days before the final, we'll have to pay all the money. But we're working to capture them as soon as possible", said General Lars Winnear. "We shouldn't give money to them, but we don't want to lose our scout", said the coach David Nefasto.

The situation is now serious, and the General doesn't want to hear about The Scout's relationship with Dazza Dallas: "Are you still asking me about this? Put in your minds that there are more serious things than that! If he had a good night with her, it's his problem... or luck. If you want details, wait for his return, so you can ask him!" Lars could hear a reporter saying "If he returns", probably having some doubts about The Scout's chances of surviving. The General replied furious: "Of course he will return, or my name isn't Lars Winnear! And please, go after Dazza if you want more details. After all, it was she who revealed the first details. I'm sure that she'll love being interviewed by you. Now get out of my way!"

The spiritual medium Pai Dinah invaded the room and said: "I could give you more details of that night, but I don't have permission to do so, but I warn you... there will be consequences! Later, he started shouting: "They're here, they're here, in the Dreamed Realm!" Then, he left the room.

Surprisingly, the first tracks of the kidnappers came hours after Cafundéu paid them. Approximately two thousand tickets of the World Cup final were bought using the internet. Cafundéu's Intelligence Sector of the army is tracking the computer which bought the tickets. There are still no proofs that the kidnappers are in Alasdair I Frosticus, or if the buyers were them, but Agent Fred Cardoso is confident: "They could use the internet from any place to buy the tickets, but they couldn't contact us so easily from outside the Dreamed Realm. So, at least one member of their group has to be here. About the tickets, we're pretty sure that the tickets were bought with our money."

The kidnappers spent only a small portion of the first five million, so they still have a lot of money to use. The investigators believe that, if they bought the tickets, they'll probably look for transport or a place to stay. "There are some groups of supporters wanting to go to Alasdair I Frosticus. We'll keep an eye on them", said Fred Cardoso.

Vilita

05-05-2007, 05:27

http://www.3wideracing.com/3wide/sites/ao/vilita/images/ttov.gif

Jungle Cats hope for Lone Farewell in Ariddia

Callum Banda's Vilita Jungle Cats came away with a strong 1-1 draw with favored Geisenfried that preserved their hopes of advancing to the next round of World Cup 34 at their opponents expense. Geisenfried will face group leaders Squornshelous on the final matchday, and a loss could hand the final qualification position to the Jungle Cats should they follow suit and emerge victorious against Starblaydia, a scenario that would end a 12 cup drought in which Vilita has incredibly failed to advance beyond the group stage despite strong qualifying performances like the group winning effort put together by Banda's boys earlier this cup.

If the Starblaydians have anything to say about it, however, it will not be easy. Competing in its 20th World Cup campaign, the two-time World Champions are calling it quits. Starblaydia will be abandoning its senior mens football team after falling off performance wise as of late, and not wanting to become the also-rans, the Starblaydian Football Association has opted not to enter World Cup 35 altogether as opposed to suffering the possible humiliation of failing to qualify for the proper competition.

It has been a fine rise for the purple peril, in addition to their two World Cup victories, the Starblaydian sporting empire has been victorious in the Under-21 World Cup, as well as winning the gold medal in the First Summer Olympics and a total of five championships in both the illustrious AOCAF regional football championships and the Cherry Cup Ice Hockey tournament.

There is just one match remaining now. For Vilita, it is potentially the end of their World Cup 34 campaign, for Starblaydia, the final chapter of their World Cup History. The book was opened way back in World Cup 15 with Starblaydia falling to defeat by none other than Vilita. It will now end with the same two teams, Vilita and Starblaydia, competing against each other. Not as two teams who had never qualified for the World Cup Finals, as was the case when the two teams met 20 cups ago, but as two World Champions and fierce rivals looking for the ultimate in bragging rights over their neighbor, for one last time.

The guard of honour will lead the teams onto the pitch for the pre-match ceremonies, celebrating the legacy of the Starblaydian national team, and the long standing rivalry with the Jungle Cats. These celebrations, however, will be minor in comparisons with those that will sweep across the nation of Vilita if they can pull of the victory and potentially remind the citizens of the tropics what it is like to compete in the knockout stage of the World Cup.

Wentland

05-05-2007, 05:44

(Ooc: this is for the Northern bEttia game)

Neil Collins was delighted. He was not playing - on the bench - but Wentland had just gone two ahead, the number ten heading in from a chip from the number six. This added to the penalty stroked home by the number nine earlier.

He then woke up.

"Dammit, Barnesy," he said. "If we win 2-0 I bet that oneiromancer's been at it again. "

"Which game? Olympics or World Cup?"

"Er, I dunno. Either, I suppose. "
***

"It's THERE...a wonderful header from the chip...two-nil to Wentland and that is going to put them in a very strong position to go through..."

Alasdair I Frosticus

05-05-2007, 08:29

I had hoped to do a classic Basil and Theo 'interpretive dance' RP for the Milchama match today before doing the scores, but... we're having 12 people over for dinner, I have no time, and I'm pressed to even get your scores out to you....

So this is an Ariddia groups RP cutoff.

Scores and tables (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12611999&postcount=29)

Ariddia Second Round Matches

A Ariddia v. Bettia

B Oliverry v. Vilita

C Squornshelous v. The Lowland Clans

D Commerce Heights v. Errinundera

And my sincere commiserations to Dazza Dallas and the rest of the Jeruselem squad.
Tournament RP will be less colourful without you (unless, of course, you keep posting!)

Ariddia

05-05-2007, 08:39

...and this is an RP cut-off for groups in the Holy Empire.

Jeruselem

05-05-2007, 09:27

<Small minature version of Dazza Dallas on weird set late at night>

Kate:
"Welcome back to DazMania, for those latecomers I'm Kate Dallas! The Little Bike. Thanks for all fan mail recently! I seem to have a lot of fans from the schools. Oh, I have news from Ariddia. Oh ... err ... umm ... no ... this is a nightmare ... someone else read this! I don't want to!" (starts crying)

<Nikki runs out>

Nikki
"Hi DazManiacs, it's the World Cup results. Jeruselem are out of the World Cup, that's why poor old Kate here is so unhappy. We drew ONE ALL with The Lowland Clans, but we needed to win. Oliverry beat Green Wombat ONE NIL. Knowing her Mum, she'll be in a similar state right now too. Let's go to a commercial break. I think we all need one!"

<Commercial break>

Nikki
"We're back! We've just heard the boss, that's Dazza, was sent to a local Arridian hospital after the game was over. I don't know what happened but we hope she's alright. We had to sent Kate Dallas home, but she's alright. She's like her Mum, they live for the World Cup. Let's get back to the game. To make everyone feel better, we are going to quadriple the money for the rest of the night. Yes, but only for tonight. I'm not feeling so happy either, but one of you can feel better with a bigger bank balance. OK who's there!"

Caller: Hi, it's Kate again. I feel bad for Katy girl.
Nikki: You seem to call alot! What's your answer? To make you feel better. Give me the name of Women's World Cup player who's played in the World Cup. Don't say Dazza Dallas, it's the sample answer.
Caller: Debbie O'Hare
Nikki: Debbie the goalkeeper! Is she guarding your goal? Let's see

(Balloons everywhere)

Nikki: Well, look at that. You've won 2000 shekels! At least on this show, we can have winners. So what you going with the money?
Caller: Gosh, I need a new car. This really helps!

Nikki:
"We may not win the World Cup but you've won. Stay on the line so you can get the dosh. See, it' not all bad new out there. DazManiacs who know the World Cup is over, can still watch. Hey, wait. The producer has news from Arridia - hang on!"

(pauses)

"Dazza's given birth to her third child. Yes, apparently the stress of the loss made her induce. Dazza's a Mum again! Well, it's that nice. Kate's got a little sister! Well, people isn't that good news. The child was a little premature but she seems alright! Dazza Dallas will be making a public statement later when she leaves the hospital. And yes, people will be able to take pictures of her new child. She wants everyone to see the addition to the family."

...

<Somewhere in Arridia>

Dazza Dallas in hospital hold a baby with her family who are at the World Cup.

Dazza: Hey, Rashina! Hikfie! Rocky boy.
Rashina: You OK? That was a rather quick delivery.
Dazza: I'm a baby machine!
Rashina: Can I hold her?
Dazza: Go ahead, don't drop her!

(Rashina plays with baby)

Dazza: Hey, Rocky you better get your act together. Look at Rashina, she wants her own.
Rocky: Well, I guess so
Hikfie: Hey hurry up Rashina, it's my turn next!
Dazza: This was a bit early, but she's turned out alright.
Rocky: Sorry about the game, the team feel really bad. It's not your fault.

(Kate Bush runs in)

Kate: Oh ... I thought Dazza was just feeling sick, err not delivering a baby
Hikfie: Hurry up Rashina.
Dazza: I think Hikfie wants kids too.

(Rashina gives baby to Hikfie)

Hikfie: She's so cute and small!
Rashina: I think she's going be to another small one. Kate isn't exactly tall either.
Dazza: So, it's your turn next Rashina. Rocky, do your job.
Kate: I'm glad everything's alright in the end.

Zwangzug

05-05-2007, 12:29

The beautiful city of Rêvane, Ariddia was built "upward, not outward", as they said, and "ambassadors' column" might have been a better description than "ambassadors' row". From her desk, Hannah Angstrom could look out a towering window and see the nation below.

Note please that defection/political asylum is possible without sociopolitical commentary/bad rhyme. We have a lot to learn from Ariddia, she scribbled before someone knocked on the door. She answered it politely.

The pundits had predicted (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12265901&postcount=615) that the girl outside would be only one of many born eight years previously, with the name "Hanifah" popular as never before. In Zwangzug, she could have been in the Third Grade League. Regardless, the smiling child waved brightly to Hannah. "Sorry about your team. Maybe you can root for the Rouge-et-Noirs now?"

"Um..." Hannah had slowly learned who the "Rouge-et-Noirs" in fact were, and would give them token support at least, but she was still confused. "My team?"

Errinundera

05-05-2007, 13:12

News item from Le Monde, the Deddique (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Deddick) daily newspaper

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/lemonde.png

SORREL BLIGHT SPOILS CUISINE

A mysterious plant disease is causing havoc in the region, destroying crops and impoverishing farmers. The biggest worry is that next month’s Great Winter Solstice Bake-Up will be adversely affected by a shortage of sorrel. Local vegetable co-operative volunteer, allsu, spoke for everyone when interviewed by our reporter. “A Winter Solstice without sorrel is like football without a ball, or Errinundera without leeches. It just isn’t the same. We may as well just cancel the whole event.”

Top scientist from the Bonang University Department of Agricultural Sciences, joelene, is perplexed. “It’s the same virus that killed poor buster the sniffer-wombat after the football match against Swilatia. That’s so weird. I’ve heard of viruses jumping from one species to another, but jumping kingdoms? We can’t combat the disease but we have developed a resistant strain of sorrel. Catch is, it has some hallucinogenic properties, Mind you, I don’t think that will bother Errinundrians too much.

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/Flag/Flag-DeddickFr.jpg
The Deddick flag has a spray of French sorrel

ANOTHER BUST UP IN DEDDICK TOWN HALL

Local fans and expatriate Ariddians went crackers at the Deddick Town Hall today when they learned that the Ariddian ambassador to Errinundera, Audrey Melei, would not be attending the live screening of the World Cup match between the two countries. A message from the ambassador’s office indicated that she was attending a function in the capital city.

Local fans are incensed. Marionette maker, ohalkovit, claims the function was a sham. “My best friend’s cousin works next door to the embassy. She says that Melei’s minders concocted the exhibition of leaf-eating insect larvae in order to prevent her from visiting us. They were afraid she might be at risk here in Deddick. Haven’t those dills learned anything about us. Like Ariddians, we are vegetarian. Is Audrey Melei an animal or is she not? We trash buildings, not people.”

Many people have fond memories of the ambassador attending a screening of the World Cup 32, getting thoroughly pissed and singing the Ariddian national anthem with hundreds of expatriates and Errinundrians.

Officials have confirmed that it will take 18 months to restore the main clock tower of the town hall to its original condition.

GOALIE GOES AWOL IN JUNGLE – MISSES WORLD CUP MATCH

Errinundera’s #1 goalie, arata, went missing the day before the crucial World Cup match against Ariddia while visiting the pristine Ariddian jungle with the rest of the team. His absence was not noticed until late in the afternoon. When a quick search failed to find him the Ariddian authorities were notified and a full scale search and rescue operation was undertaken. When no trace of arata had been found by nightfall his team mates and the Ariddian searchers began to fear for his safety.

Police officer in charge of the search, Hans Li, advised our reporter that arata would be safe so long as he wasn’t injured. “Unlike yours, this is a warm rainforest. Furthermore, there are no really dangerous animals this close to Rêvane. We just hope he hasn’t been the victim of foul play or hasn’t injured himself. The search will recommence at first light.”

The next day the potoroos went into the match against Ariddia, still ignorant of arata’s whereabouts. While the match was underway a sheepish arata was discovered in a nearby village with his new Ariddian girlfriend, April Siu Lan. Despite the unfortunate finish to the rubber against the Ariddians, the potoroos were overjoyed that he was safe and sound.

When asked if he would face disciplinary action, convenor of the Errinundera Football Association was indignant. “Are you kidding?” she responded. “Love is far more important than football.”

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/arata3.jpg
arata at work earlier in the campaign

OWN GOAL SPOILS END OF FIRST ROUND

After 86 superb, skilfully contested minutes, the first round World Cup match against Ariddia appeared to be heading for a 3-all draw. That was until uiliod blindly passed to stand-in goalkeeper theodorag. Unknown to uiliod, theodorag had, moments before, tripped over in a hectic passage of play and had not regained her balance. To the dismay of the potoroos the ball trickled across the line for a goal.

The two defenders have refused to speak with the media or with fans since the game. The Rouge et Noirs, who could have been cock-a-hoop about the mistake have diplomatically checked any display of schadenfreude. Such delicacy has gone down well with Errinundrians, however fans of the other two teams in the group, Tynelia and The HURD, are incensed. “I smell a conspiracy,” says a HURD unit that appears indistinguishable of the thousands of others currently visiting Ariddia. Some pundits are hinting at an arrangement between Errinundera and Ariddia to ensure that the Rouge et Noirs proceed to the second round. Long time friend of the potoroos, Cassie Lee thinks that an arrangement is unlikely. “Even if theodorag hadn’t kicked that goal and the game remained a draw, Ariddia would have gone through. By the way I’m so glad to see that arata is getting to know the local culture intimately.”

The match prior to that moment had been a corker. The Ulek had ended in giggles when the squatting Rouge et Noirs kept farting. Obviously something in their lunch hadn’t been quite right. This didn’t seem to have any effect on their game as Arbustier scored after only 6 minutes. Things got worse for the potoroos when young scerberu jarred her knee again and was substituted by snaporoo in the 19th minute. rosaniel equalised in the 33rd minute when que brilliantly sold quer old mate, Xavier Xu, a dummy.

After the break midfielder matthieug, who is having a wonderful campaign and must be favourite to take out the leighm medal for fairest and best Errinundrian, put the potoroos ahead when carltu and rosaniel acted as decoys allowing her to slip the ball past Xu at the 57th.

In scenes reminiscent of Bedistan in World Cup 31, Sébastien Lescrit then twice scored from headers after corner kicks (72 and 80), putting Ariddia back in front. snaporoo, who had been busy all day in attack finally received her reward with 7 minutes to go when she passed to rosaniel who first drew the defenders then passed back to snaporoo who duly converted.

You already know what happened after that. Angelic, genderqueer captain, rosaniel is philosophical about the outcome. "It was very even out there," she told a press conference afterwards. "Big games are often won or lost in split seconds, either through one piece of inspiration or by a mistake. We’ve had our luck in the past. This one went against us. By the way, I’m so glad arata found someone nice.”

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Ariddia.png
Ariddia 4
(Arbustier 6, Lescrit 72 & 80, [uiliod ERR 86])

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Errinundera.png
Errinundera 3
(rosaniel 33, matthieug 57, snaporoo 83)

Errinundera's WC34 scorers:
13 carltu
11 rosaniel (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Rosaniel)
9 scerberu
7 snaporoo
4 immelfar
4 isshare
3 matthieug
1 aptai
1 arata
1 ininggu
1 urumi

Bazalonia

05-05-2007, 13:33

Joseph returned to Bazalonia on a delay flight... There was still something fishy about Leon Green to Joseph's tastes but he knew that he would be monitored and need to leave the country otherwise things would get ugly. Though he didn't find anything that would confirm his suspicious he still kept them firmly.

Once returned he found out that he had missed alot, In what was reminiscent of their first world cup Bazalonia got knock out because It coudn't win. IT drew against nations that it should of easily won against, Zwangzug and Cafundeu and fell by one goal to Demot.

Well ,anyway he had the details and could now finally resolve the matter of apathy, though too late.

Zwangzug

05-05-2007, 14:11

Some time in the future (on the anniversary of the Vilita-Starblaydia game, to be precise), a door was opened in the Artificial Intelligence University.

It led to a dormitory that, years before, had been occupied by the other dormitories by a pair of students. They had not known each other before attending the University, but had been assigned as roommates and become good friends.

But it had not been used as a dormitory for years. A decade, perhaps: converting between binary and every other nation's time got to be a pain. The graffiti on the door: "Zwangzug Football Association", bore as much testament to its age as any.

Those who pried it open expected emptiness: a bare bunk bed, perhaps with an obsolete computer across the room.

Instead, they found paper.

Piles of paper. Ticket stubs and newspaper reports and books and assorted paper.

Tucked between a copy of Oneiromancy for the Obtuse and "How to defend against a 3-5-3 or its variants" was a copy of the Divine Liturgy of St. John Chrysostom arranged for tenor saxophone. It had never been played.

On the back of the liturgy was the following.

Newbie Lament

We strain to glimpse the legendary teams
Before they fade away into time's mist.
World-weary of our protests and our screams?
We feel as if we should be full of wist.

Which is worse: to leave hope of a return
And disappoint, or just to cut all ties?
It's not an answer that I want to learn.
We take prominence as the old guard dies

Inheriting legends. What awe was ours
When we heard of what we cannot equal? We
Heard stories of jungle cats, blades, and stars
Of giants we could never hope to be.

And now, all we can go on is a song.
And still we wonder: where did we go wrong?

Ariddia

05-05-2007, 14:59

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/ariddia.png Ariddia 4-3 Errinundera http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/errinundera.png

Ariddia sneaks ahead in “favourite” match

It was the match everyone in Ariddia had been waiting for. A meeting of friendship between two nations, and of competition between two football teams. The match which, in addition, would determine whether Ariddia would advance to the next round.

Stade National Rêvane-Sud was packed with Errinundrians, including some residing in Ariddia, as well as expatriate Ariddians who had returned “home” from Errinundera for the World Cup. derrestu, born in Ariddia and now living in Errinundera, carried the flags of both nations, and cheered whenever either side scored a goal.

“What I’d like? A draw, I think. As long as both teams qualify, I’m happy!”

Ambassador snapisnapiestu was also seen in the stadium, as were Ariddian Secretary for Sport Thomas East, and retired Ariddian players such as Hanifah Kyaw (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Hanifah_Kyaw) and Tadjou Shenaya (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Tadjou_Sheyi_Senaya).

The match was a fairly even one, although Ariddian supporters claimed their side “had a slight edge, most of the way through”. The players naturally swapped shirts at the end of the game, with the two captains, rosaniel (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Rosaniel) and Xavier Xu (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Xavier_Xu), swapping with each other.

The match was followed by a big, rather crowded party organised in the stadium itself, but Cassie Lee (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Cassie_Lee) was seen slipping off hand in hand with an Errinundrian supporter, bilnadvi, she had been spending time with over the past few days. Blushing, the young third goalkeeper admitted that “we’ve become rather close, yes”. Before he kissed her to the cheers and applause of fans and passers-by.

Meanwhile, notorious Jeruselem coach Dazza Dallas had been admitted to a hospital in Wavecrest (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Wavecrest). There was some concern, until it was announced that she had given birth to a healthy baby girl. Congratulations and well wishes soon flowed in from local inhabitants.

Now, the Rouge-et-Noirs must face the runners-up from Group 4: Bettia.

“Oops,” one fan said when he heard the news. “Well, that’s not going to be easy. Still, they’ll win, of course!”

Ariddian coach Yves al Jahdali was optimistic:
“With such a wonderful home crowd, how could we ever lose?”

Zwangzug

05-05-2007, 15:04

Andrew has helped him with this, counting powers of two to relax. One, two, four...

Four goals? What had happened?

Well, he knew. Heitor and Ijak with one each in the first, Falcus and Ijak again in the second. None of the ones that had been stopped mattered.

Eight, sixteen, thirty-two, sixty-four, and he can't concentrate because Easter, World Cup 34 is ringing in his head again. He'd be fine with that, but mixed in are the accusations: it's all his fault, he'd lost.

"Sorry," he whispers vaguely, unsure whether Andrew or anybody else can hear him.

The portal stands, waiting.

He doesn't have to go through, of course, not yet. Alan is staying around, Rube visiting Ariddia again to watch the games there. There is no rush, no hurry.

He enters.

In the darkness, something flies towards him. It is round, like a football, and he knows to get in its way, like a football. He dives, without knowing that even in this border between realities without such mundane considerations as gravity, neither his torso or limbs can get there in time.

His image reflects off it: he sees all that he isn't, all that he is. It is enough.

Contact is made and there is the sound of breaking glass, glasses shattering into shards as ravaged as his mind.

Then it is past him, and it is more like a football than he knew. Just like the seeming sphere is a bulging truncated icosahedron, this too is made up of facets: more than he can count, but still numerable. There is no infinity, only the inexorable end: shah mat.

Ariddia

05-05-2007, 15:08

SECOND ROUND: SCHEDULE

Ariddia

Match A
Ariddia v Bettia (Darras Olympic Stadium, Rêvane (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/R%C3%AAvane))

Match B
Oliverry v Vilita (Haven-Port-Nouveau Stadium, Haven (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Haven_%28city%29))

Match C
Squornshelous v the Lowland Clans (Arctic National Stadium, Ariddian Arctic Islands (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ariddian_Arctic_Islands))

Match D
Commerce Heights v Errinundera (ubhashinim Ahwa’u Stadium (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ubhashinim_Ahwa%27u_Stadium))

Holy Empire

Match E
Alasdair I Frosticus v Demot

Match F
Schiavonia v Elves Security Forces

Match G
Az-cz v Wentland

Match H
Cafundéu v Milchama

Errinundera

05-05-2007, 16:01

News item in the Rodger River (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Rodger_River) Examiner

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/examiner2.gif

TEAM MATES TO REMEMBER LEGEND

Following the announcement from the Ariddian Football Association that Errinundera would play its World Cup second round match at the ubhashinim Ahwa’u Stadium, the Errinundera Football Association has declared that it would arrange for ubhashinim’s team mates from the World Cup 30 squad to attend the match to commemorate the career of the legendary Rodger River player. The EFA has also announced that it would fly her family over the game.

Of course, 2 members of that squad don’t need to be flown over. Current coach, withare, was ubhashinim’s national coach and current captain was a rookie player in the World Cup 30 line-up.

Members of the World Cup 30 Squad:
Coach: withare (McKillops Bridge)
Captain: keok (Mount Ellery, midfielder)
Vice-Captain: ubhashinim (Rodger River, striker)
http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/Ubhashinim4.jpg
ubhashinim takes a break from World Cup 30 campaigning
Deputy Vice-Captain: lúthient (Monkeytop, goalkeeper)
silvu (Goonmirk Rocks, midfielder / forward)
blackwoo (First Creek Falls, midfielder / defender)
bentle (McKillops Bridge, defender)
venu (Goongerah, forward)
rescen (McKillops Bridge, defender)
lotorous (First Creek Falls, goalkeeper)
soflaw (Rooty Break, midfielder / defender)
itzro (Bonang, defender)
phazel (Fanny Moo, defender)
lovef (Seldom Seen, midfielder)
otelopea (Ellery Camp, striker)
rosaniel (Milosis, forward)
addicksonia (Ellery Camp, striker)
hornbur (Bola Mine, defender)
thiend (McKillops Bridge, defender)
matherosperma (Sassafras Basin, midfielder)

Sel Appa

05-05-2007, 20:23

Sel Appa Hit by World Cup Fall

Well the team only managed to get one point in the Group Stage, with a one-all draw against Northern Bettia. Sel Appa had a bad run in the group stage after finishing second in group qualifiers, almost making first. What has happened, many ask, after several spectacular runs? Well, the team was riding on a wave that had to come down at some point. This was probably that point and next Cup, they should improve. Also, the team and its administration are getting older and used to their jobs. Furthermore, while tho qualifiers genrally have easy teams, the Group Stage has much harder teams and Schiavonia and Wentland were just tougher sides that could not be beaten. Next Cup should see a much better run and better show in the Cup itself.

Baptism of Fire Bid Fails
Sel Appa's second bid to host the Baptism of Fire has failed and strongly so. With only 10 of 17 votes in, 9 voted for opposing host bid, Errinundera, and one abstained. Sel Appa's first democratically decided bid shows that some changes need to be enacted. More friendlies with voting nations must be had to show the facilites available more. Also, the FFSA needs to a better job in its actual bid. This BoF bid from them was criticized by many commentators as a farce. FFSA President Henri LePoivre has offered his resignation to Minister of Sports Alan Brown. There is no information on why or whether the resignation will be accepted.

Cafundeu

06-05-2007, 04:21

(OOC: Lack of time made me change the order of posts. Now I'll post The Scout's news, tomorrow the match report of the game against Zwangzug)

“CAFUNDÉU’S AGENTS INVOLVED IN A SHOOTING AGAINST SUSPECTS”

After the first clues of the kidnappers of The Scout, the investigations started to advance, and more clues appeared. General Lars Winnear commanded the last operations, which included invasions on suspect houses and investigations on the Cafundéu staff of the National Team, all with the permission of Alasdair I Frosticus. But the most important fact happened on the end of the day. The General revealed what happened:

"We were going to sleep when Alasdair I Frosticus agents contacted us. They discovered that a large group of approximately fifty people were trying to access the Dreamed Realm in a portal opened for supporters. They tried to pay the guards, but they rejected the money and contacted the agents, which contacted us. They also said that the guards noticed that the group was carrying many boxes, which were probably holding guns and weapons. Our best agents went to that place outside the Dreamed Realm to check that", he said.

"The portal was in Pegaladrao, a small country near Cafundéu, a dictatorship not important for the rest of the world. Approximately twenty agents went to that place. The guards were dead and the suspects were holding their guns. They immediately started shooting. Luckily, the criminals weren't so good at shooting, and most agents could react fast. The shooting last few minutes. Our agents tried to avoid killing the suspects, but they killed eleven of them. They arrested thirty-six of them, and only three escaped."

"Later, the agents got the boxes, which really were holding the guns and weapons. There was a lot... really a lot of weapons. We confirmed their involvement with the kidnappers after getting a letter. The kidnappers paid that group of mercenaries to invade the World Cup stadiums and bring chaos to the competition, for an unknown reason. In the letter, we also discovered that they paid a group of perverted nudists, a group of psychotics, another of bad comedians, groups of football stadium invaders and experts in throwing things on a football field. We'll go after all these groups."

"The only sad thing is that four agents died in the shooting and other five are in the hospital, but will survive. Between them, our best agent, Fred Cardoso. He is a great agent and we're hoping to see him back soon, as he is still receiving his salaries without working. We now think that the kidnappers already spent all the money that we gave to them, so we'll have to wait for their next step, while we try to catch the groups which they paid."

Cafundéu will probably talk with the captured mercenaries, which can reveal some important informations about the kidnappers, maybe even The Scout's location.

And Pai Dinah returned to Cafundéu, as General Lars Winnear thinks that the kidnappers are looking to capture him too.

Az-cz

06-05-2007, 09:11

Amda-Mo: A nice way to end the group stage with a win over the monks.

Lur-Mn: Indeed. And with all the hubbub about incidents off the pitch the match ended up being relatively uneventful in terms of that kind of thing.

Amda-Mo: Indeed. The team even seemed to be standing for the reading of the liturgy.

Lur-Mn: Well according to my sources the team was actually replaced by dream simulacra, to accomodate the rights of the monks to hold their ceremony while also allowing our players to avoid having to deal with it. This move was agreed to by the -FA from what I'm told.

Amda-Mo: I see. As for action on the pitch, Kn-Dg was finally kept out of the books.

Lur-Mn: True, but Pizelkaxrovsky continued to work his magic feeding assists to Stanleyinho and Ip-Gp.

Amda-Mo: Were you suprised how attacking Hausen instructed the team to be this match?

Lur-Mn: Yes. Although he certainly did go conservative when the monks scored their goal he seemed to play against expectations by trying to put the game and the qualification spot well to safety early with a strong attack.

Amda-Mo: Should we be worried about the fact that we didn't　have any shutouts in these games?

Lur-Mn: Not especially. Shut outs are hard to find against high calibre opponents and we posted what tied for the second best goal differential, so I don't think there's much to be concerned about. No team found a second goal against us, so our defense is playing well. Yes we would like to see better play, but perfection is mostly a dream and not a reality.

Amda-Mo: Looking around to other matches what stood out?

Lur-Mn: Well an interesting piece of echoing happened in our group. In world cup 31 we went into our final match day against Northern Caesarea in the same position as Elves Security Forces went into their final match day against Northern Caesarea, both teams having beaten the other team on three points and lost to the team on six points, with the Caesareans on 0. And like us in world cup 31 they only earned a draw against N. Caesarea but like us got through because the team with six points beat the team with 3.

Amda-Mo: That is interesting. What else was noteworthy?

Lur-Mn: Well Starblaydia also had a historical echo losing to Vilita in their final match, which also allowed the Vilitans through to the second round. Demot, with help from Cafundeu advanced to the second round. And Jeruselem is going home after only drawing with the Lowland Clans, news somewhat softened by the welcoming of another member of the Dallas clan.

Amda-Mo: Indeed, congratulations Dazza. Looking to our next match, it's against Wentland. What should we expect?

Lur-Mn: A tight game. They have an incredible defense, as they showed in smothering Schiavonia in shutting them out. As a semifinalist last cup they know what it takes to win in the knockout rounds and will be a very tough opponent.

Amda-Mo: Any predictions?

Lur-Mn: Extra time. I think and hope that favors us, but as we all know extra time often comes down to luck.

Amda-Mo: Ok, time for the top 10.

10. The Lowland Clans

Coming up with draws against Oliverry and Jeruselem proves they can play well against top level opponents, but failing to beat them also proves they can't put them away. They'll provide nervy matches for whoever they face.

9. Bettia

I'm not really certain they deserve this spot, as both of their wins were against weaker teams, but they did earn six points and advance to the second round, and are defending champs, so they are a real danger.

8. Errinundera

Despite the closing loss to Ariddia they proved to be a strong team. Tied with Schiavonia for top offense, and with out any weak offensive games they proved they can score goals. Quite possibly their admiration for Ariddia affected their play against the hosts. A real threat to win the cup.

7. Oliverry

I'm not sure they are as good as this rank, but beating Jeruselem and drawing The Lowland Clans is impressive. I think teams ranked behind them have a better chance at bringing home the title, but for a strong group stage they deserve some recognition.

6. Ariddia

They've recovered well from their opening day draw to the HURD. Like us last cup they could well make a deep run after starting with a whimper. Maybe even taking it a step further and repeating their title from two cups ago.

5. Wentland

I think the best defense going. Two shutouts over Northern Bettia and Schiavonia proved the Swifts can lock down even strong offenses. Definitely the strongest looking second place finisher. A tough draw for the Pink & Green.

4. Alasdair I Frosticus

Maybe the least impressive of the nine point teams, they still earned nine points and have home field advantage. Although their group didn't really impress they still looked good in all their matches. If they can step up their play against higher level opponents they could go far. Possibly even host on host finals far.

3. Schiavonia

Despite the draw against Wentland still posted the best goal differential and tied for best offense. Which is to say that if they are locked in they will crush you. A great performance can shut them down, as we showed last cup and Wentland showed on match day 3 but for the most part they are a punishing machine. If they can overcome some knockout round bugaboos they could go far.

2. Commerce Heights

Three wins, including beating the champs. Six points of goal differential. An all around strong showing. Only missed the top spot cause wins over Fmjphoenix and Assegai don't mean much. Still have set themselves up as a main challenger for the title.

1. Squornshelous

Winning the group of death with nine points puts Squornshelous to the top spot. Yes Starblaydia struggled, but Geisenfried and Vilita didn't. And they beat all three, even ending Geisenfried's dreams of a third straight quarterfinals. They have to be the favorites at this point.

Amda-Mo: So you think Squornshelous will win?

Lur-Mn: No, I didn't say that. I don't really know. Other than Milchama and Cafundeu I could see any of the other teams winning.

Amda-Mo: Ok. Where would you put us in those rankings?

Lur-Mn: Probably third. We looked good in beating the Archregimancy and Elves Security Forces, but don't have anything as impressive as the top two to hang our hats on.

Az-cz

06-05-2007, 09:38

Az-cz Scroll
Az-cz
Il-Lur

Look back, look forwards

With the group stage now ended it's once again time to check out my earlier predictions and revise them going forward.

Group 7

Predicted: 1. Archregimancy 2. ESF 3. Az-cz 4. N. Caesarea
Actual: 1. Az-cz 2. ESF 3. Archregimancy 4. N. Caesarea

Well I knew that N. Caesarea were crap. But I was suprised by our rediscovery of form as we moved well to the top of the group and sent the monks packing, instead of vice versa. Still a reasonably good effort.

Group 6 (Our actual second round opponents)

Predicted: 1. Schiavonia 2. Northern Bettia 3. Wentland 4. Sel Appa
Actual: 1. Schiavonia 2. Wentland 3. Sel Appa 4. Northern Bettia

Well Schiavonia was easy enough to call. And while I expected Northern Bettia to do well, them finishing behind a semifinalist and second round team from last cup can't be called a huge suprise. I was just expecting more.

Group 5

Predicted: 1. Milchama 2. Alasdair I Frosticus 3. Rejistania 4. Nedalia
Actual: 1. Alasdair I Frosticus 2. Milchama 3. Nedalia 4. Rejistania

Both advancing teams right. And anyone who saw Rejistania being total crap and Nedalia being somewhat good give yourself a hand, cause you guessed the unknowable. Nedalia reverted to an older form and Rejistania well.....

Group 8

Predicted: 1. Demot 2. Cafundeu 3. Bazalonia 4. Zwangzug
Actual: 1. Cafundeu 2. Demot 3. Zwangzug 4. Bazalonia

Again the right two advancing teams. Demot seemed to take a while to rediscover their form in an as expected very balanced and strong group. Once again our poor friends from Bazalonia fall disappointingly short. They seem to have lost some magic since their 13-12 PK killer loss to Ariddia.

Group 1

Predicted: 1. Ariddia 2. Tynelia 3. Errinundera 4. The HURD
Actual: 1. Ariddia 2. Errinundera 3. Tynelia 4. The HURD

Ariddia winning isn't remotely surpising. And The HURD finishing last isn't either, although tying Ariddia was. And like Northern Bettia taking a chance on Tynelia didn't work.

Group 4

Predicted: 1. Bettia 2. Commerce Heights 3. Assegai Developments 4. Fmjphoenix
Actual: 1. Commerce Heights 2. Bettia 3. Fmjphoenix 4. Assegai Developments

I didn't think the lower ranked teams would trouble the top teams, and they didn't. Just off on who would win the matches between the top and bottom teams.

Group 2

Predicted: 1. Jeruselem 2. Oliverry 3. The Lowand Clans 4. Green Wombat
Actual: 1. Oliverry 2. The Lowland Clans 3. Jeruselem 4. Green Wombat

The biggest shock of the tournament came in Jeruselem stumbling out. Green Wombat joining them was as expected. And Oliverry ahead of The Lowland Clans was as I expected as well. Just Jeruselem struggling was suprising.

Group 3

Predicted: 1. Squornshelous 2. Vilita 3. Geisenfried 4. Starblaydia
Actual: 1. Squornshelous 2. Vilita 3. Geisenfried 4. Starblaydia

Wow. Perfect four for four. Indeed Squornshelous was the best and Starblaydia wasn't the old purple peril. Vilita just squeezed past Geisenfried to make this group exactly as expected.

In total 12 of the 16 teams that moved on were as I expected. Good but not incredible. As for my knockout predictions since the matchups weren't announced and are different than expected they're not really worth analyzing. But Jeruselem in first and the Archregimancy in third clearly isn't going to pan out.

Now let's look ahead. Here are the second round matchups:

Az-cz v Wentland
Cafundéu v Milchama
Alasdair I Frosticus v Demot
Schiavonia v Elves Security Forces
Ariddia v Bettia
Oliverry v Vilita
Squornshelous v the Lowland Clans
Commerce Heights v Errinundera

I'm very nervous about the Wentland match. Anything could happen. But I think we'll find a way to just nip them. Cafundeu will beat Milchama. The Demot dream will come to an end against the hosts and Schiavonia will put many goals past the elves. Bettia knocks out Ariddia and keeps their dreams of a repeat going for a bit longer. With their second round bugaboo behind them the Vilitans beat the Oliverrians and bounce to the best eight. Squornshelous continues their strong run and Commerce Heights sends Errinundera home in an offensive thriller. Leaving this last 8:

Az-cz v Cafundeu
Alasdair I Frosticus v Schiavonia
Bettia v Vilita
Squornshelous v Commerce Heights

I think we knock out Cafundeu in the battle of up and coming powers. Schiavonia knocks the last host out of the tournament while Vilita, as they did in the AOCAF, sends the holders home. And Commerce Heights survives another offensive thriller to send Squornshelous packing. The final four are two recent powers on one side and two long time powers on the other:

Az-cz v Schiavonia
Vilita v Commerce Heights

Schiavonia will get revenge for the humiliation they suffered last cup by returning the favor and beating us badly and Commerce Heights will knock off Vilita preventing them from having a chance at holding the AOCAF and WC titles concurrently. Leaving the last two matches to be:

Third Place Playoff

Az-cz v Vilita

I think Vilita will better know how to rally themselves for this match than we will and will take home the third place medal.

Finals:

Schiavonia v Commerce Heights

In yet another offensive battle expect Schiavonia to fall just short of their first as Commerce Heights gives us our first repeat champ since Bedistan won their fourth as they add a second cup, breaking Liverpool England's record for largest span between cup titles.

Milchama

06-05-2007, 22:12

Confusion has reigned across the landscape as the entire World Cup community is asking... How in the hell did Margaret come back?

The answer because of a crazy kid in Milchama. One day he was looking up random facts about the world on wikipedia (yes he is a geek) and from going through the former nations file stumbled upon a certain Snub Nose 38. While the nation itself was odd and out there nothing was more so than a certain deity they worshipped called Margaret. This kid continued down the path of research and found that SN 38 had sacrificed great rubber chickens to Margaret to gurantee victories over opponents in World Cup matches. He wasn't sure whether they worked or not but considering all the refrences to Margaret in newspapers around thought that she probably played a part in the results of each nation in all sporting events.

He convinced his friend of the rightness of the cause and they decided against Qasox in the Baseball World Series for game 3 to guarantee a semi final spot for the perpetually underachiving baseball team. They did not know how the sacrifice ceremony worked so they made up their own using the Mongols' haka, made up words, stripping, and running and screaming around then finally sacrificing the rubber chicken after praying to Margaret for victory. The crazy ceremony and sacrifice worked as Milchama won and the tradition was born. Because of homework and other commitments they couldn't sacrifice to Margaret for the semis against Az-Cz and the baseball Warriors got swept in two heart wrenching extra inning contests leading to more speculation among them that sacrificing to Margaret was a very important deed to do to guarantee victories.

Then came the World Cup as their sacrificing antics had led to a record 10 game win streak for seemingly relegated suicide footballer team the Tel Morlin Attributes they attracted attention in their small town. This led to a big turnout as they decided to sacrifice a rubber chicken for game 1 of the Group Stage against Rejistania. The sacrifice worked as the Warriors won in emphatic style demolishing the one time champs 3-0 with Belmowitz bagging a brace and Marin Keffer adding a 3rd in the second half. Then because of logistical troubles they could not get a sacrifice in for the Warriors second game against hosts AIF. This only continued the legend of Margaret in Milchama as the Warriors lost due, obviously, to the lack of sacrificing to the Great Margaret.

By now sacrificing was becoming a national sensation as Douglas Jefferey, Milchama's most famous sportswriter, published a report on the two boys calling them gay and probably one and the same person, not two different individuals. However even the very popular Jefferey's opinion couldn't stop the rise in popularity of the ritual as the boys sacrifice to Margaret was broadcast nationally and the sacrifice was repeated and replicated across the nation. Now they are national celebrities and the success or failure of Milchama in their second round clash against Cafundeu rests in their hands.

And we trust them. Come on boys make us proud!

Wentland

06-05-2007, 22:24

"How the bloody hell did you save that?"

"Strangest thing, boss. A vision just popped into my head to say "go to the right" so I did. And he put it that way."

Crash Robinson's late penalty save had rescued a point for Wentland. A pointless point, to be sure, but a point nonetheless and allowed the team to enter the second stage unbeaten.

Norman Hacker was disconcerted however. Some odd things had been happening. This area was very strange. Nothing like the meat-and-potatoes of Maitland or Alumgreen. Everyone seemed to be floating around in some sort of dreamlike state of bliss. How could they be? No-one seemed to be doing any work. Was there some sort of downtrodden underclass that were being kept in slave conditions?

And the dreams! What was going on? He could not make head nor tail of them, other than they were hypervivid. For some reason the Crowhurst team appeared. Perhaps it was playing on his mind, that the media had been criticizing him for not including them, but they were at the Olympics so how did that matter now?

Other team members had been having problems. Graham Clay's bloody donkey. But that was nothing. Some players were dreaming of distant lands. Nick Starkey kept going on about Cafundeu. Joe Weston kept going on about the late John Capper. Now Robinson was claiming to have visions during matches. It was however catching up on them for the next phase. Difficult.

Milchama

06-05-2007, 22:24

"Oh man that Take Me Out to the Ballgame wasn't good"

"No we didn't win only draw"

"But it doesn't matter because we advanced"

"Right so let's get to the quarterfinals!"

"Ring it!"

*Rings the hornbell, 28 minutes national TV cameras on and 2831 people later*

"Come on everybody this is the most important ceremony yet!"

"This is the first outround ceremony! We need this win!"

"So everybody do as I do and say as I say"

''Ringa pakia!''
''Uma tiraha!''
''Turi whatia!''
''Hope whai ake!''
''Waewae takahia kia kino!''
''Ka mate, ka mate''
''Ka ora, ka ora''
''Ka mate, ka mate''
''Ka ora, ka ora''
''Tēnei te tangata pūhuruhuru''
''Nāna nei i tiki mai whakawhiti te rā''
''Ā upane, ka upane''
''Whiti te rā, hī!''

"Ok now everybody repeat after this lovely girl here"

"Tasnetti, Tasnetti"
"Pitango, Pitango"
"Lamos, Lamos"
"Yamos, Yamos"
"Fteenioma, Fteenioma"

"Now strip and run around screaming!"

*36 minutes of chaos later*

"Oh great Margaret may you accept our humble on behalf of the Warriors of Milchama. May their victory be great over their foe Cafundeu and to guarantee this victory we offer you this gift of two rubber chickens and a rubber lamb!"

"Cut that meat!"

*Three people simultaneously behead the three rubber animals*

"Thank you Margaret for accepting our sacrifice and listening to our prayers. May we continue to please and appease you Margaret"

Schiavonia

07-05-2007, 00:58

"Hey there! Welcome back to DazMania! I'm Isla Blige, the Schiavone Strumpet... Hey, who wrote this autocue?"

*silence*

"Anyway, they've given me the hard job of getting all you DazManiacs cheered up after your team got knocked out. Or... is it best not to mention that?"

Shout from off camera: "Best keep it quiet, Isla!"

"OK. Anyway, I'm Isla Blige, and in case you couldn't tell from the tight orange and dark red top, I'm from Schiavonia. And, just to give me an easy start into the show, they've given me a nice easy one to start off with. Yes, it's name a Schiavonia Player! Obviously not me, I'm the example answer, but just name one, and if it's on the tower, that's 1000 shekels. Which, if you're watching back home in Schiavonia is... er... well, it's a lot! Anyway, here's my first caller. Who's there?"

Caller: "It's Mikey."

"Hello Mikey. Sorry about the result last night, but, hey, Dazza's had another little 'un! Isn't that just lovely?"

Mikey: "Not as lovely as you, Isla!"

"Well, very nice of you to say that, but I know you don't mean it. Anyway, what's your answer?"

Mikey: "Shiela Blige."

"Of course, my tiny big sister... oh, she's not there. Sorry Mikey."

Mikey: "OK. Good luck with the show."

"Thanks! Well, how can my sister not be there? That's not fair! We'll have to send him a prize for that. Here, you can have my Schiavonia shirt."

*Isla takes her Schiavonia shirt off to show an orange and dark red bikini top underneath*

"There you go! We'll send that out to you! So... I guess all you viewers out there in Jeruselem will be shouting on Bettia for the rest of the cup. You guys seem to get on well, don't you?"

Off camera: "Yeah! Go Bettia!"

"You guys sure know how to get at a girl where it hurts, don't you? Anyway... who's on the line?"

Caller: "It's Jez."

"And who will you be supporting for the rest of the cup?"

*Isla mouths Schiavonia into the camera a couple of times.*

Jez: "Er... Bettia, I guess."

"That's the wrong answer I'm afrai... oh sorry, that's not the actual question. You just have to tell me a Schiavone Footballer."

Jez: "Colin Chester."

"He's our all-time top scorer, but is he there... he's not. But... can't we send Jez something just for getting through... ah, we'll send you a few shekels. Well done!"

Jez: "Er... thanks."

"Anyway... the producer's having a word in my ear... apparently we can't just give money away like that. Why not? If we've got it, why not just give it away? What's that... apparently, it defeats the object of having a quiz... but... I... oh, the next caller's through. Who's there?"

Caller: "It's Bella here."

"Hello Bella. I'm getting in trouble for giving money away here. I thought that's what we were supposed to do? Anyway, have you got an answer for me?"

Bella: "Yes. I'll say Jerry Berry."

"He's got a name that rhymes, but is it on the tower... no. Still, have a DazMania top on us!"

Bella: "That's very nice of you, thanks."

"No problem! And... what... what do you mean I can't just go giving shirts away, either? It's not very nice for them to have to phone up, get through and get nothing for it. What's the point in that? Well... oh, here's our next caller. Hello?"

Caller: "Hello Isla."

"Who is this?"

Caller: "This is Winston in Kingsbury."

"A call all the way from Schiavonia! WOW! Am I doing a good job, Winston?"

Winston: "Of course you are."

"Will you tell the producer for me?"

Winston: "Producer, young Isla's doing just great!"

"Hey, thanks Winston! Anyway, what's your answer?"

Winston: "It's Mike Jones."

"Trust our Schiavone caller to come out with an old one. Mike Jones... he's not there. But we'll send you a little something. How about my bikini? That's a very little something! Anyway... I'm being told that we're going to a commercial break, so we'll see you in a few minutes."

<commercial break>

Nikki: "Hello, welcome back to DazMania. Nikki here! I know, you might be wondering where Isla Blige is. Well, Producer Phil says that she's been giving too much money away to people who haven't won it, so she's not allowed back on. So it's me doing a double shift on tonight's show, and..."

- - - - -

David Jones turned off the TV. He'd only tuned in to see Isla, and now she wasn't on... well, it just wasn't worth watching any more. He decided to call her up.

"Isla... you there?"

"Yeah, David."

"Why aren't you on TV any more?"

"They fired me for giving to much money away!"

"They can't do that!"

"No, apparently, they can."

"Oh."

"Still, I guess that means you were watching."

"Of course I was. Anything to see my little star!"

"Well, at least I get to come back to you guys again now."

"Of course. But if I can't watch you on a night, how else am I going to see you?"

"Well, I'll come over to your room! Isla's a lot more fun in the flesh!"

"You can say that again!"

"See you when I get back, then."

"Bye!"

Cafundeu

07-05-2007, 02:31

O JUTENSE NEWSPAPER – ASSOCIATED WITH GLOBO MULTIMEDIA

WORLD CUP 34 COVERAGE FROM ALASDAIR I FROSTICUS
Match Report written by O Jutense editor, Milene Escobar
With phrases and images from Globo Multimedia’s coverage, commented by Breno Gavião

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

GOOD VICTORY QUALIFIES THE TEAM IN THE FIRST PLACE

http://img485.imageshack.us/img485/7039/semttulo2yi7.jpg
Cafundéu’s players commemorates the qualification after the game

The last game of the group stage was the most important one for Cafundéu. The team had good chances to qualify, as it wasn’t depending of other teams. Needing to win the game, the Monopolists attacked since the start of the game, against Zwangzug, a team that surprised stronger teams getting some good results. Zwangzug, needing only a draw, was defending, but Cafundéu’s attacks were strong and efficient.

Since the beginning of the first half, Cafundéu seemed better in the game, while Zwangzug was concentrated on defending. Although Cafundéu suffered some dangerous attacks, the team mantained a good performance since the start and, in the end of the game, could leave the field with the victory and the first position in the group.

In the other result of the same group, Demot defeated Bazalonia and got the second position. Now, Cafundéu will continue in the World Cup in Alasdair I Frosticus, now in the knockout stages. It’ll be the first time of Cafundéu in this stage of the World Cup. The opponent will be Milchama, a strong team, but David Nefasto thinks that the team is able to win the game.

THE GAME
Using three offensive midfielders, Cafundéu’s strategy was to pressure Zwangzug and score a goal as soon as possible. With fast attacks, especially using the centre of the field, the players started to create good attacks and took advantage of better tactics. In the first minutes of the game, Zwangzug made a good defensive work, and even had a chance in a counterattack with Barons, but he sent the ball over the bar.

The pressure worked with the time. After the tenth minute, Zwangzug couldn’t hold the strong attacks of Cafundéu anymore, and suffered the first goal. Kirs started an attack in the left wing and passed it to Dário, who dribbled an opponent and passed the ball to Ijak. The defenders didn’t chase him, and he had free space in the area to score the goal. Read Breno Gavião:

“Cafundéu is willing to starrrrrt another attack, this time using the left wing. Kirs passes the ball to Dário, but the midfielder is well marrrrrked. He finds some space, passes to Ijak, he is alone in the arrrrrea, will shoot... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! The replay comes soon after! Ijak, number nine! Cafundéu one, Zwangzug zero! Renascimento schools, the best education for your children!”

Zwangzug continued playing well in the defense, but the team needed to attack more, as it was losing the game. So, they tried some attacks, but weren’t successful. Cafundéu continued with the pressure, but it took a long time for the Monopolists to score again. Falcus passed the ball to Heitor, who dribbled two defenders, the goalkeeper and shot. The ball hit the post and returned to the attacker, who shot again to score. Read Breno Gavião:

“Léo Mattos gets the ball in the defense, makes a long pass to Falcus. The midfielder waits, decides to pass the ball to Heitor. Herrrre comes the attacker willing to invade the arrrrrea. He drrrrribbles Huck, drrrrribbles Sevvy, drrrrribbles Trumper, look at the goal... it hits the post. He trrrrries again... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Let’s wait for the replay! Heitor, number eleven! Cafundéu two, Zwangzug zero!”

http://img241.imageshack.us/img241/1679/semttulo8ti5.jpg
General Lars Winnear preparing to watch the game

For the second half, the coach David Nefasto seemed to decrease the pressure over Zwangzug, willing to attack only when possible, to avoid possible difficulties in the game. So, Cafundéu started to control the ball in the midfield. But this strategy led to another goal. After many passes in the midfield, Kliek passed the ball to Falcus, who decided to shot from outside the area, and scored a beautiful goal. Read Breno Gavião:

“It seems that the team won’t attack unless Zwangzug decides to open its defense. Prrrrriotto with the ball in the midfield... passes it to Kliek... it rrrrreturns to Prrrrriotto... it rrrrreturns to Kliek... the ball is passed to Falcus... he shoots... it’s a goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! The replay comes now! Falcus, number ten! Cafundéu three, Zwangzug zero! Cazamé, the best furniture, ideal for your home!”

Cafundéu could control Zwangzug with an intelligent strategy, and the players were very calm with the situation. Zwangzug desperately tried to get the ball, but in vain. After some minutes, Cafundéu ended with the opponents chances with a goal. Ijak received the ball in the midfield, invaded the area, and shot to score the last goal of the game. Read Breno Gavião:

“Ball in the midfield again, the team easily controls the game letting the time pass. Ijak asks for the ball, he wants to play, he wants to scorrrrre. Kliek made a good pass to him, he challenges the defender. Nice drrrrribble, he now is inside the arrrrea. Will shoot... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Let the replay start! Ijak, number nine! Cafundéu four, Zwangzug zero!”

The end of the game was coming, and Cafundéu continue with the same style, holding the ball in the midfield. In the last minutes, Zwangzug’s players were nervous and used some violence to get the ball, so two players were sent off. But nothing more serious happened and, when the monk whistled, the players commemorated the qualification.

AFTER THE GAME
The coach David Nefasto was so happy with the victory that he was crying. He said: “You doubted. I said that we would make a good campaign, and we can go even further. You said that I wasn’t the best choice for the job, that my success at Dunboor FC was only luck, and many other horrible things. What will you say now?” The defender Sávio Ferrari said: “This is only the first step. We can continue winning.”

The attacker Ganz Ijak said: “Heitor and Kliek were the best players today, I only scored the goals. The team is united and with this we can play very well, so this wasn’t a surprise for us. We can lose the next game, but we are already successful.” The midfielder Falcus said: “Zwangzug isn’t a bad team, so we had to play really well to win this game.”

http://img91.imageshack.us/img91/2241/semttulowt0.jpg
Zwangzug’s players were sad with the loss

CAFUNDÉU 4x0 ZWANGZUG

Place: Imperial Hippodrome, in Alasdair I Frosticus.
Attendance: 100,000 people.
Referee: Fr. Lucas the Fair (The Archregimancy).
MOTM: Heitor (Cafundéu).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Júnior, Léo Mattos (Kimball 60’), Kirs, Becão and Sávio Ferrari; Anormal, Falcus, Dário (Priotto 45’) and Kliek (Alemão 80’); Heitor and Ijak.
Coach: David Nefasto.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/zwangzug.png ZWANGZUG: Trumper, Card, Sevvy and Tercer; Ruck, Stael, Hammers (Onymous 45’) and Barons; Maughum, Stings (Onymous 65’) and Olson.
Coach: that one on the bench.

Goals:CAF: Ijak 12’/78’ , Heitor 33’ , Falcus 57’.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cafundéu – formation for the game against Milchama: Júnior, Léo Mattos, Kirs, Becão and Sávio Ferrari; Anormal, Priotto, Falcus and Kliek; Heitor and Ijak.
Coach: David Nefasto.
Style of +2

Match’s Referee: Zack Liss (Yafor 2).

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

WC goalscorers:

3- G. Ijak
1- Becão, M. Priotto, Heitor and C. Falcus

Vilita

07-05-2007, 03:27

http://www.3wideracing.com/3wide/sites/ao/vilita/images/ttov.gif

Streak Ends against Old Foes

Led out in a guard of honor, the stage was set for one final epic battle between two former World Cup Champions. The rivalry between Vilita and Starblaydia started 20 cups ago during World Cup 15, with Vilita triumphant over their Atlantian Oceania rivals in their first ever competitive match. Now, many cups on, it is the end of an era for the Starblaydians, making World Cup 34 their final in competition, and once again the Tropics of Vilita had the honor of being their opposition.

While for Starblaydia, only pride was at stake after losing their first two matches, the Jungle Cats had more to play for. With their draw against Geisenfried on matchday 2, a win over Starblaydia could put Vilita into the second round if group leaders Squorshelous were able to end the campaign with a perfect 3-0 record. Though the chance of advancing was slim, many Vilitans were confident of the task with hall of famer Callum Banda on the sidelines guiding the team.

The match itself was not as exciting as the buildup, but the Jungle Cats grabbed the final bragging rights over their long time rivals with a 2-0 victory that will forever mark differentiate the two nations. The win put Vilita on four points for the group stage campaign, equal with Geisenfried who lost to Squornshelous. However, the two goal advantage proved to be enough as Vilita ended with superior goal differential and advancing to the knockout stage for the first time since World Cup 22.

While Vilita's second round opponents, Oliverry, have not given the cup respect enough to so much as show up yet, they were in the draw which is more that can be said for les frenchies the last time Vilita qualified for the knockout round, when Oliverry was itself a debutant nation competing for the very first time in history.

While it is, of course, the first time Oliverry and Vilita will have squared off in the knockout stage of the World Cup, it is not the first time they have met in the finals. During World Cup 25, it was Oliverry with a pair of draws that sent the Jungle Cats home early, advancing to the knockout stage for the first time in their history as second place finishers in the group, while Vilita, in third, was knocked out. During World Cup 27, the Oliverrians did one better, defeating Vilita 4-1 and winning Group H, while goal differential saw the Jungle Cats finish bottom of the group. However, Vilita evened the series when the two nations met in the Group Stage of World Cup 32, with the 3-1 victory. Overall, the two teams share a 1-1-1 record against each other in the finals during group play, though Oliverry has scored one more goal in the three matches.

The Jungle Cats will look to build on their recent victory over Oliverry by adding a second to their repetoire and advancing to the Quarter Finals. After 12 cups without an appearance in the second round, Vilita is once again ripe with World Cup fever and are now pushing coach Callum Banda to record another victory which could catapult the Jungle Cats to, what the locals consider, their rightful place among the football elite.

Alasdair I Frosticus

07-05-2007, 03:43

CO-HOST CLARIFICATIONS

1) The venue for all Holy Empire second round matches is, again, the Imperial Hippodrome (using split timelines as before). The two quarterfinals, as originally announced in the bid thread, will be in the Meteora Stadium of St. Mary's City and Tzmisces Stadium, Philadelphia. Appropriate details will be posted once quarterfinalists are known. The semi-final will be back in the Hippodrome

2) An Oliverry roster is now available - added over the weekend, on the last page of the roster thread. This is most relevant to Vilita at present. I will try and remember to add the link to the first page of this thread, but it can be found at the end of the roster thread if necessary.

The Archregimancy

07-05-2007, 04:21

THE MONASTIC TIMES

ORTHODOX UNDERACHIEVE AGAIN
Ass Put Out To Pasture As Soul-Searching Begins

By Fr. Nicholas the Scribe

Coach Fr. David the Water-Drinker immediately resigned last night following his second consecutive elimination from the World Cup at the first hurdle last night. "I'm proud of my monastic brethren, but ultimately the Lord our God had other designs for the boys this tournament" said the coach, who nonetheless noted that his proudest achievement was to preside over the conversions of international-calibre players such as Fr. Innocent of Ariddia, Fr. Iosephus the Seeker After Relics, and Br. David of the Woods.

As Fr. David's ass was put out to pasture - ending one of the more controversial training programmes of recent tournaments - the soul-searching began at Monastic Football Association HQ. "Whatever our missionary successes, there is clear causes for concern on the football field" said a senior archimandrite, speaking on condition of anonymity. "We are in fact going backwards... World Cup 32 - we reach the second round; World Cup 33, we fail to reach the second round with the same record as World Cup 32. World Cup 34, we fail to reach the second round with a worse record than World Cup 33. We've been participating solidly since World Cup 24, and our quarterfinal spot in World Cup 28 remains the only time we've made it past the second round. Meanwhile, other, newer, teams - heathens and heretics almost to a man or woman - have overtaken us in both success and rank while we tread water in a low to mid-teen ranking. At this rate the returned Holy Empire will be overtaking us too. I know the Lord works in myserious ways, I know that it is not for us to question His infinite, unknowable mercy and wisdom, I know that a little humility and suffering is good for the soul - but a monk is only human, and given our high level of participation and involvement in the World Cup I'll admit to being just the teensiest bit frustrated by our consistent inability to move on to the next level."

Following the most recent failure, the MFA is believed to be badly divided between four broad - and sometimes overlapping - perspectives, each with its own idea of how to best move forward. The Traditionalists seek a return to the blood and thunder denouncing of non-Orthodox heretics and heathens that characterised the team's early involvement in the tournament; the Ecumenicists seek a continuation of the MFA's recent more conciliatory approach to the non-Orthodox; the Missionary faction believes that success on the footballing field is secondary to continued success in converting heathens; the Competive faction belives that success on the football field is a desirable goal in and of itself. Further confusing matters is that there are Traditionalist Missionaries and Traditionalist Competitors facing off against Ecumenicist Missionaries and Ecumenicist Competitors. It remains anyone's guess as to how the Archregimancy will approach World Cup 35.

Elves Security Forces

07-05-2007, 06:53

Elven Times
Skin of Your Teeth

The squad, the one that had performed so admirably in the qualification, has just barely squeaked their noses into the Round of 16 after a dissapointing draw against bottom feeders Northern Caesera. It was only through the grace of an Az-cz narrow victory over the Monks that the Marauders were allowed to move on and to make good on their qualification form and erase the poor performances of the group stage. What was percieved to be good fortunes turned quickly after dismantaling the Monks, as the Gnomes trashed our defence repeatedly to the four to one result that had us coming into the final matchday needing points to advance. With the Caeserans on the docket, it seemed all but wrapped up, but the Northerners weren't quite ready to give up their World Cup fever despie being already eliminated from competition into moving on. The bastards came out strong and showed some spark, playing the part of the spoiler, as the elves just seemed out of sorts for much of the first half.

For their poor start, the Marauders felt the first blow of the match square in the mouth, as Toledo used his bulk to knock down Nickel and bashed one into the far corner with no regards to accuracy. Pure chance let the ball dift so deliquately past St. Louis dive. With their confidence up, the Caeserans pushed forward, looking to bury the elves whilst they were down. Martin would net let his brethen fall into the darkness as he made highlight reel save after save for the next ten minutes, before captain Justinian Constant finally stole the ball from Toledo and cleared the danger. After surviving another round of fericious attacks, the Marauders made it safely to halftime only down the single goal. Soler needed not to say any words, as the honor amongst the squad was enough for them to know exactly what had to be done out there, and they just had to exucute it.

Down, but far from being out, the second half saw some techniqual changes. Xanxz came on for Stone and Adai came on from Raynor while Cuellar moved into more of an attacking midfielder role. These subtle changes though they were, sparked a whole different second half. Where the Caeserans had dictacted the pace of play and possession in the first half, the roles were reversed as the squad held a 72% to 38% possession win in the second half. With the added possession the squad was able to generate their first real threats in the second half, the first coming when Kiso Night dribbled Cabellero and found a seam to González and put a hard shot that went inches wide.

The momentum had clearly turned when Xanxz was taken down by Rivera from behind and studs up just a foot into the box. The refeering deemed it a penalty and Kyla Night, who had been quiet for most of the match, set up the ball and prepared for the spot kick while Rivera got a striaght red card. The lass showed her skills and class with a grade A finish that leveled things at the goal a piece. The Marauders were not able to make up for the numerical advantage and ended the game with a dissapointing draw. With the fate of thier advancement in the Gnomes hands, it was a nerve wracking two hours as they watched the match end in their favor.

Their reward is a detirmined and quite talented Schiavonia side that many were wanting to see dominate Group 6. Another product of Atlantian Oceania, the Marauders are going to have their hands full and then some when they try to suffocate thier high quality attack. Constant, Cuellar, and St Louis have carried the squad into this round, but the play of the strikers and backline have to improve if they are to make another visit to the octofinals. Many are feeling that even a loss would be acceptable as long as the showing is good, given the past two performances by their heros.

Elves Security Forces 1
Kyla Night (73) Pen

Northern Caesera 1
Toledo (24)

Predictions
Az-cz v Wentland
Cafundéu v Milchama
Alasdair I Frosticus v Demot
Schiavonia v Elves Security Forces
Ariddia v Bettia
Oliverry v Vilita
Squornshelous v the Lowland Clans
Commerce Heights v Errinundera

Article by Ron Santapa

Demot

07-05-2007, 07:48

Diary Entry 019

Try? There is no try. Only do or not do

Hear these words teammates and supporters alike, for we are now into the place where mere skill is merely enough for progression. The knockouts are where effort and will can overcome even the hardiest of challangers. Others would claim the reverse, but I have seen and been apart of too many elimination tournaments to believe that foolishness of words. Here is where the valor and heart of a champion is made or the regrets of the losers are made fifteen fold. Only one team amongst these sixteen strong competitiors will be crowned champion when this is all over, and the rests all have to wonder what could be. I've been on both sides of that coin, winning the Demos Cup in the Demot Pride League and then making the semifinals of last World Cup and our inagural tournament in the Baptism of Fire. The thrills from that kind of victory are enouh to tide over even the strongest of men and women while the chills of defeat can break a person's spirit for many years to come.

Our reward of victory over our friends of Bazalonia is a first round tilt with the hosts of the Holy Empire. I've come to think of them as a bit of a conadryum. Just a tournament or two ago, they were has beens whose glory was quite far behind them. Then after a few unexpected qualifications, they have once again become powers that people fear and respect. I wonder the wisdom in placing soo much respect on a mere few appearances in the Finals of the tournament. While it is the premier footballing, and sport tournament, in the entire world, achieving a place in its' Proper stages should not grant as much grace is it does. I know it might sound hyprocritical coming from a person whose nation benifited soo much from just arriving in the Proper in World Cup 31, but it is a point I feel I have too make for the sport to have legitamacy to continue on. Without a change in attitude there sport intergity itself could come into question, and all fans of the game would not want that. So I speak out to you who think that there is merit in this, and give spoken word and support to what is right. Do What Is Needed!

~ David Masteron

Alasdair I Frosticus

07-05-2007, 08:02

"Basil!"

"Theo!"

"Wow, what a match!"

"What the Rejistania one?"

"Absolutely, Theo... beating a nation with such a storied footballing history 3-1 to go though the opening matches undefeated..."

"We have quite the footballing history ourselves, Basil"

"I know, I know, but even so.... undefeated through the first round... have we ever managed that before?"

"I'm not sure, Basil, and with the records for World Cups 1 & 2 so patchy, we might never know."

"And should we show people the commentary from last night's match, Theo?"

"Are you sure, Basil? It's, well, possibly a little embarrassing for you?"

"I'm proud of my naked body, Theo, and I'm not ashamed to let it all hang out for the sake of my art."

"Your art?"

"Just roll the tape, Theo... just roll the tape..."

------------------------------------------------------

pre-kickoff

"...the sounds of the Imperial Hymn gradually fade away as a mighty roar goes up in the Hippodrome.... Basil."

"Clearly the only way to properly celebrate tonight's match, Theo, is through the medium of interpretive dance..."

"That won't do much good for those listening in on the radio, will it?"

"Well, you'll just have to commentate on the match and my dancing, won't you...."

18th minute
"....as Basil uses his graceful balancing of form and motion to comment on the success of the Errinunderan labour union movement, Prodomoso sends a long kick up the field.... and Basil is now simultaneously trying to imitate an Errinunderan forest in the summer breeze and Prodomoso's excellent long kicking ability... Curcuaso traps the ball on the edge of the area, and .... GOAL! CURCUASO SCORES! Well, it's ugly route 1 football, but who the hell cares? 1-0 to the Holy Empire. Basil?"

"I am a tree."

"Yes, but what about Curcuaso's goal?"

"I am a tree that is also scoring a goal for the Holy Empire. I am at one with the breeze and the ball. Look. I move with motion, changing, never motionless. I am art."

"Right. Of course you are."

22nd minute

"....Ouranoso is fouled on the edge of the area, setting up a free kick for Choniates on the edge of the area. Basil. What on earth are you doing now?"

"Fluffy bunnies! Fluffy little bunny rabbits! Pink fluffy bunny rabbits! With fangs! Hippity, hippity hop! Bash those Northern Bettia fans! Kill! Kill! Kill!"

"I think the Fluffy Bunny gambit is classified, Basil. But you just keep dance-hopping along there, with your outsized bunny ears, cute little bunny tail, and.... is this sounding as deranged as I think it does? AND CHONIATES SCORES!!! EXCELLENT FREE KICK!!!! The midfield maestro does it again, as Basil..... right..... no need to show quite so graphically what 'doing it like rabbits' means, you know...."

40th minute

"....as Basil singlehandedly tries to recreate the Az-cz - Archregimancy match through interpretive dance, Babouciso races down the left. Basil monastically chases a donkey, gnome-like and naked. I think. Babouciso sends in the cross.... PSELLUSO!!!! The former Archregimancy monk scores his first goal of the campaign, and as Basil runs around the studio trying to demonstrate what a monk thinks of a naked kleptochaser, we lead 3-0!"

88th minute
"....really think you should put some clothes on... that's the entire second half you've been naked."

"I am a spirit! A spirit free as the wind! Lo, I am at one with the dance!"

"Quite... and... it seems you've just made me miss a late Rejistanian goal, you idiot."

"I am at one with the dance!"

"Of course you are. Of course you are...."

----------------------------------------

"See, Theo.... I was magnificent!"

"Magnificent's not quite the word I would have used - so let's have a quick look at the second round match-ups instead."

Match A
Ariddia v Bettia - the pick of the second round.... I see our co-hosts springing a surprise here, but it'll be very, very tight.

Match B
Oliverry v Vilita - Oliverry have been a bit of a surprise, but I'll go with underdogs Vilita. They clearly care more.

Match C
Squornshelous v the Lowland Clans. Easy. Squornshelous.

Match D
Commerce Heights v Errinundera. The Capitalizts have been in great form, but I'm backing the potoroos

Match E
Alasdair I Frosticus v Demot. Oh why not? Our lot in a surprise

Match F
Schiavonia v Elves Security Forces. The Schiavones - they're too good for ESF

Match G
Az-cz v Wentland. Wentland. Because we like the monks.

Match H
Cafundéu v Milchama. Tough one to pick, but I'll go with Cafundeu"

Alasdair I Frosticus

07-05-2007, 08:03

Ariddia group RP cut-off

ARIDDIA SECOND ROUND RESULTS (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12618943&postcount=31)

Ariddia Quarterfinals:

Ariddia v. Vilita

Squornshelous v. Commerce Heights

Ariddia

07-05-2007, 08:39

This is an RP cut-off for teams in the Holy Empire. Results here (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12618970&postcount=32).

Jeruselem

07-05-2007, 12:34

Dazza Dallas holding a baby steps out of a hospital in Wavecrest, Ariddia to a mob of international media waiting for her.

Dazza:
"Thank you for coming everyone but I don't need you invite anyone - you guys turn up anyway. I am disappointed my team aren't going on further but my new focus is baby here. I'll get her named when I get home. Next time, I'll try not to get pregnant during a World Cup but it happens quite often with me. The baby is small but as it happened with my daughter Kate, she was born small too. Don't mind Kate carrying on like sook when Jeruselem loses a game on DazMania, she's just like me. It's been a mixed few days, with Jeruselem not making the 2nd round since World Cup 29 when my sister Debbie Dallas was captain and the great Harry Kool was coaching. I'm not phased, because next cup we made the quarterfinals of the World Cup XXX. I'm sad because Big Gay Al retires and he will not be playing in the 2nd round of this cup. Never mind, but with the next generation like baby here - Jeruselem will be back! I tell ya, we aren't giving up. One day, one of my kids will be holding the World Cup! It might be Kate or even my new baby but us Dallas girls don't give up. Questions?"

Reporter 1: Are you retiring?
Dazza: Me, no. I'll retire when I'm dead. I love attention! I'll make sure my funeral is televised too.

Reporter 2: Did you make up the news you had sex with the scout?
Dazza: No, it's all true. We got drunk, and did what we did. I don't regret it either. I tell ya, he's a good man. Good in bed too. (smiles)

Reporter 3: What do want to say to the scout if he's watching now?
Dazza: Simple, hang in there! If you want to pretend I'm your girlfriend or wife, yeah do it. Think about good things, well like the time we had together. Just be patient, you will be rescued. Don't give up scout!

Reporter 4: Is your career over?
Dazza: It was a bit of disaster as we lost our captain early and we couldn't get our original best players into due to injury. Still we almost made the 2nd round, and we did make the finals. I could lose my job as coach but it's not up to me to decide.

Reporter 5: What about the performance of Dazza Deux? The robot girl.
Dazza: She did well, as she was not a footballer originally. I think in the future, people like Dazza Deux will be the norm. She's still a person but with non natural limbs - she's still a person to me, not a robot. I want her to be in the next World Cup too.

Reporter 6: Are you going change your ways, like settling down and just being a mother?
Dazza: What sort of question is that? I'm a mother, and it does not matter if I coach a football team or not. I'm making sure I live my life to the fullest. Sitting at home with my kids for the rest of my life is not making the best of things. I have three kids now, and well a good family too.

Reporter 7: Are you going to change after this experience?
Dazza: I'm a good-looking open-legged giggle-pots attention-seeking nudity-loving panty-dropping football-mother. My husband knows that, and I don't think I'm ever going to grow up. I'm the female Peter Pan of football. I've tried to grow up but I don't think it works for me.

Reporter 8: What are going to do now?
Dazza: Baby clothes shopping! I gave my Kates' baby clothes to Rashina Dallas so she can have her baby. I think my new baby needs latest styles for bubs these days. Ariddia is great place to shop.

Reporter 9: What can't you shut those legs? You're not a Christian at all. The people I represent think you're the devil's whore.
Dazza: Well, if your people stop inbreeding and sleeping with your relatives - I'd respect that opinion. I'll show you something. (Dazza raises her skirt, no underwear!). You see that? That's what makes me Dazza. That's all the questions people, thanks for being here again! And ON YA BIKE! and ya want to all see me again, watch DazMania on JGN!

Kate Bush helps Dazza and baby to a car, and they drive off with Dazza throwing some of her underwear into the crowd of journalists who scramble to grab whatever they can. Reporter 8 has a pair of undies on his face.

Ariddia

07-05-2007, 12:42

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/ariddia.png Ariddia 3-1 Bettia http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/bettia.png

Through to the top eight

It had been described as an impossible match for the Rouge-et-Noirs. Foreign media were almost unanimous in predicting a victory for the Aroras. But, at Darras Olympic Stadium near Rêvane, a huge crowd of excited and optimistic Ariddian supporters wanted to believe the home team could go all the way. Bettian supporters, meanwhile, no doubt felt somewhat uncomfortable as they were surrounded by a see of red, and the Aroras faced red-clad Rouge-et-Noirs.

“That’s the way our home kit (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ariddia%27s_football_team#Colours) is,” an AFA official pointed out. Many Bettians, in any case, wore “Azurlens” blue-tinted sunglasses, and therefore watched the Rouge-et-Noirs play in a rather startling shade of blue.

The match, in any case, promised to be entertaining: both teams were playing with their traditional all-out-attack style, and the goalkeepers (Mitchell Ellis and Xavier Xu) were kept very busy. It was also a match between the defending World Champions (and current world n°1), and the World Cup 32 Champions, current co-host (and world n°7). As such, it attracted attention beyond the two nations primarily involved.

The first goal of the match was also the most impressive. In the tenth minute, midfielder Raphaëlle du Valdor received the ball from Richard James, ran with it a few steps, then, faced with several defenders, shot the ball upwards between the legs of Bettian defender Hisham Azmi, and straight into the top left-hand corner. The crowd erupted into cheers.

John Andrews made it 2-0, then Andi Busilanta narrowed the gap for Bettia in the second half. But there was no stepping the Ariddians, who firmly believed they could do it. A 3-1 goal by John Andrews (again) eliminated the defending Champions and propelled Ariddia into the quarter-finals. The crowd was wild with excitement.

Elsewhere, Squornshelous defeated the Lowland Clans 1-0 in the freezing Arctic National Stadium, in front of a cheerful and excited stadium full of Ariddian Arctic Islanders, and (not surprisingly) relatively few visitors from either or the two visiting countries. In ubhashinim Ahwa’u Stadium, the local population gave the potoroos a warm welcome, and were disappointed when their favoured team was eliminated 1-2 by Commerce Heights.

“They can stay here in Ahwa’u as long as they like,” one fan said. “They don’t have to go straight home.”

The closest game of the second round pitted the co-hosting Holy Empire against Demot. The two teams battled their way to a two-all draw by the end of normal time, with the Holy Empire snatching victory through a third goal in extra time, thus avoiding penalty shoot-outs. And a solid team from Cafundéu suffered a stunning 1-5 defeat at the hands of Milchama.

Can Dazza Dallas claim Ariddian nationality for her baby?

The question has been raised regarding Ms. Dallas’ newborn daughter, born in a hospital in Wavecrest. In other words, does the PDSRA recognise jus sangui, jus soli or a mixture of both? Ariddian law (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Citizenship_and_immigration_in_Ariddia#Acquisition_of_citizenship) is very clear on children born in Ariddia of foreign parents.

Ms. Dallas’ daughter will become Ariddian if one of her parents acquires Ariddian nationality, provided she (the child) is still on Ariddian territory at that point. Or, she can obtain Ariddian nationality simply by remaining on Ariddian territory for the next three years (a possibility which seems distinctly unlikely).

Upcoming quarter-final matches in Ariddia

The teams from Ariddia and Vilita will travel to the Ariddian Arctic Islands (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ariddian_Arctic_Islands) to compete in the Arctic National Stadium. In a much, much warmer climate, Squornshelous and Commerce Heights will be playing in Wavecrest (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Wavecrest) City Stadium.

Jeruselem

07-05-2007, 14:20

Jeruselem Government News

Dazza declines Arridian citizenship for baby

Dazza Dallas when asked about giving her new child Ariddian citizenship while shopping for baby clothes chuckled
"Hey I like this place, but I want go home where all my family is. But you know, I might buy a place here for a holiday residence. Ariddian houses are so nice compared to the ones at home! Hey, what do you think this blue or green looks better?"

When pressed on Isla Blige's dismissal from DazMania
"The show runs on pretty thin margins at the moment. We have to make some money from the show, and we can't give away more than we make. It's purely business thing and nothing personal. Maybe Isla should host a lottery show, it's more her style. I think the problem was a culture clash as the cut-throat Jeruselem capitalism is not really compatible with Isla's upbringing. Her dismissal had nothing to do censorship laws"

Cafundeu

08-05-2007, 03:02

“AGENTS RUN AGAINST THE TIME”

After stopping a group of mercenaries hired by the kidnappers of The Scout, Cafundéu's agents are willing to finish with this kidnapping before the next deadline, which will be during the quarterfinal games. If they fail, Cafundéu will have to pay more five million vintéms to the kidnappers, who can make some unpredictable things.

For now, Cafundéu's agents are concentrated on two missions: track down the other groups hired by the kidnappers (including the dangerous bad comedians, perverted nudists, crazy prophets and field invaders) and get some information from the arrested mercenaries, wounded after the shooting between them and the agents.

The General Lars Winnear, commander of the investigation group, talked about the current situation of the investigations: "The conflict between our men and the mercenaries really prejudiced us, as we lost some important agents, including Fred Cardoso, who will leave the hospital next week. But we need to take some advantage of this, and the best thing now is to get some additional information about the prisoners."

"We also sent many groups of our army to suspect places, such as invaded portals for supporters and illegal portals. We're receiving big support from the Alasdair I Frosticus government, and with their help we were already able to stop and arrest many of these groups, including the field invaders, the experts in throwing things and the drunk vandals. The army is making a very good work and we only need to capture now the groups of crazy prophets, the nudists and the bad comedians."

After some hours from his last interview, the General returned with good informations: "We finished our friendly talk with the assassins hired by the kidnappers. We discovered that the group that kidnapped The Scout is composed of football haters, who want to make the final of the World Cup something really boring and horrible to watch."

"They also told us that the group is divided in two: one is outside the Dreamed Realm, and another is here in Alasdair I Frosticus. We still don't know in which of these groups is The Scout. They're going to finish their plans when they receive the money. Unfortunately for us, we'll probably have to pay more five million to them in order to win some time."

"The investigations will continue. Cafundéu is out of the World Cup, but we'll continue here. I think that, in the end, we will succeed. Now we need to go after these groups, which can bring us more details about the kidnappers and what they're going to do with the money."

New Manhattan

08-05-2007, 04:41

http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/logos/tribune/
AEROPAG, JI · 0.10 g Au · 148–03–04
There seems to have been a problem with the database. Catchphrase unavailable.

World Cup: Capitalizts squeak through second round against lowercase-users
AHWA’U, ARIDDIA—For the first time in the history of Capitalizt SLANI, the Capitalizts have made it through to the quarterfinals of the World Cup, defeating the Potoroos of Errinundera 2–1. The win puts the team through to face Squornshelous at Wavecrest City Stadium, in yet another rematch of the famous World Cup 15 final that saw the Commerce Heights team take home the trophy on penalty kicks after a ninetieth-minute equalizer by the Pschychoes.

Errinundera got off to a good start in the match, with Immelfar scoring in the sixth minute off of a corner kick to put the Capitalizts down 0–1. The Potoroos dictated play for much of the first half, maintaining 58% possession and only giving SLANI’s front four a few chances to score. The match became more competitive in the second half, and the fast pace caused the referee to misjudge a tackle made on Herbert Münzer in the fifty-seventh minute by Urumi as a foul. This resulted in a penalty kick, which Saturio Luguëo calmly knocked into the goal to tie the game at 1–1. Errinundera appeared to take the lead in the sixty-fourth minute, but Rosaniel’s goal was ruled offside—a ruling which the video replay contradicts. This would hurt the Potoroos’ morale, allowing Nicole Bell to score his first goal of the World Cup in the eightieth minute on a free kick to put the Capitalizts on top 2–1. Errinundera were awarded a penalty kick of their own in the eighty-ninth minute, after 강상상 (Gaŋ Saŋ-Saŋ) violently shoved Rosaniel out of the way in an attempt to stop Errinundera from scoring, for which he recieved a red card. Carltu took the penalty kick, which hit the crossbar, and would have bounced off of goalkeeper 박영성 (Bag ʼYūŋ-sūŋ)’s head and into the goal if he had not had the intelligence to dive out of the way. The defensive efforts of the Capitalizts were sufficient to keep the Potoroos away from the goal in the final minutes of the match.

http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/worldcup/graphics/flags/33/COM/ Capitalizt SLANI 2 (Luguëo pen 57, Bell 80)
http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/worldcup/graphics/flags/33/ERI/ Errinundera 1 (Immelfar 6)
Ubhashinim Ahwa’u Stadium, Ahwa’u, ARI • Attendance N/A

Az-cz

08-05-2007, 05:24

Amda-Mo: Another nice victory for the Gnomes, who have definitely erased all traces of their horrible form in qualifying.

Lur-Mn: Indeed. The differential was only two goals but we were in control straight from the start. When Pizelkaxrovsky and Kn-Dg hooked up, for Kn-Dg's eighth goal of the tournament in the 9th minute it looked good. When they connected again for his second goal just before half, with Wentland failing to get a shot off it looked over. And indeed it was.

Amda-Mo: How did we pitch such a dominant shutout after allowing a goal in every match last round?

Lur-Mn: Well Wentland was struggling, and they have only a good not great offense to begin with. Plus we went lockdown pretty early in the second half with Hausen deploying his tactic of defensive tricks.

Amda-Mo: Let's talk about Hausen. There were talks of his dismissal early in the cup, but now he's in the quarterfinals for the third straight cup, while his old team isn't.

Lur-Mn: The team's definitely stepped it up and I bet he's had a role in that. Geisenfried isn't necessarily the most impressive qualifying team but they find ways to get it done in the cup proper. Here's hoping we can get Hausen to his first ever semifinals.

Amda-Mo: We were back to the Pizelkaxrovsky and Kn-Dg show today. Is that good or bad?

Lur-Mn: It's neither really. If they can keep it up it's great. If other people can step up, such as they did against the monks, great. If we struggle to create offense we'll have problems. But having one player who's scored nine goals in four games isn't a big problem.

Amda-Mo: Looking ahead to the next round, Milchama looked awesome, blitzing Cafundeu 5-1.

Lur-Mn: Indeed. They're showing why they've been able to stay near the top ranks for quite a while. It ought to be a great battle. I still think we're the favorites, but I think Milchama has proved me wrong in them not having a chance to lift the cup. Three more similar performances and they will be champions. Of course the same could be said about us to this point. It will be a great battle of two in form teams. And it will have added interest as the third consecutive cup we've met. They beat us easily in Milchama, and we beat them in Az-cz. This will be the first one on neutral ground.

Amda-Mo: Let's look at the other seven matches.

Lur-Mn: Clearly the headliner was the Ariddia-Bettia match, where the one cup removed champions knocked off the defending champs in a match closer than the score indicates. Vilita continues to recover moving to a quarterfinals a long time in the making, after their struggles last cup. Squornshelous won, but in a low scoring fashion and Commerce Heights looked good and might make Il-Lur correct yet. In our half Demot just fell to the hosts in the only overtime match of the round. Not the cup they wanted to have to prove they deserved last cups third place. And Schiavonia once again disappointed in a knockout match, going out to the elves with nary a goal in sight.

Amda-Mo: Let's go to the rankings.

10. Schiavonia

Definitely a disappointing end for the Schiavones. Still they had two incredible games to start the cup and were just a single goal behind the elves.

9. The Lowland Clans

Slowed down the Squornshelous attack and were in the match against a very good team. A solid cup for the clansmen, if not earth shattering.

8. Errinundera

The best show from a team not making the quarterfinals. A close loss to a tough Ariddia team and a strong Commerce Heights squad don't detract from the talent they showed. I'm sure Rosaniel would've liked to keep playing. But que's had a great career and que will be missed.

7. Vilita

Someone had to be the lowest ranked quarterfinalist, and that happens to be Vilita. But that doesn't mean they aren't good or deserving. They beat a good Oliverry team and came through a tough group. But they don't have any signature wins or moments. Beating Starblaydia was historic, but not that impressive.

6. Elves Security Forces

Who knew they had that kind of defense in them. After allowing four goals to Kn-Dg you had to expect that if they beat Schiavonia it would be behind an avalanche of goals, not a single goal and a shutout. That was an impressive performance.

5. Milchama

While they had the least impressive group stage of the eight quarterfinalists, they had the most impressive second round victory, throttling Cafundeu 5-1. That couldn't be reassuring to the Pink & Green faithful.

4. Ariddia

They're the hosts. They beat the champions by multiple goals. Only an inexplicable draw against The HURD keeps them from a higher spot on the list. Still they're looking very dangerous to repeat their title of two cups ago and surpass our standard of a disappointing first match and then heating up after.

3. Alasdair I Frosticus

Well four wins in four tries, if just barely on the fourth one. Still having the nerve to come through an overtime match against the reigning third place team is impressive. They're taking advantage of homefield and are still alive.

2. Commerce Heights

Another impressive win. They backed up their win over Bettia with a win over Errinundera. They are putting a strong cup together and have established themselves back as a top 10 power. They are joined by Vilita as the only historical champions still of note it seems.

1. Squornshelous

The offense was missing, but they didn't do anything to jeopardize the top spot shutting out a good Lowland Clans team. The match against Commerce Heights ought to be a brilliant match and will definitely be the highlight match of the second round. Especially as a striker it will be a match I'll be recording.

Bettia

08-05-2007, 09:39

Somewhere, in the bedrock deep under the oceans to the south of Northern Bettia, a large team of giant ants are feverishly tunneling (well, as feverishly as giant ants get, which probably isn't very much what with them being giant ants and all, but the writer was stuck for a better word. Look, they're just working bloody hard, okay?). They are supervised by a even larger team of soldiers, led by the head of the army himself, General Barani, who the High General of Northern Bettia has entrusted on this little quest to claim the ultimate power.

"What's our progress?" he barked at an subordinate.

"Sir, I believe we're pretty much there," the soldier repied as he compared a map with his GPS, which for some reason still worked despite them being a mile or two underground, such was the wonders of Bettian technology. "In fact, Heldscalla should be directly above us."

"I should hope so," Barani muttered. "I won't be too happy if we're being sent on a fool's errand."

"I'm sorry sir?"

"I said if Heldscalla's directly above us, don't you think we should be digging upwards?"

"Yes sir! You heard the general!" the soldier shouts.

The others responded, following his orders to the letter. Very soon, they broke through into a large opening. The general looked on as an advance party warily entered the cavern - ever since they started on this journey, he had held an uneasy feeling inside him, and he wished and hoped that nothing was giong to happen to his man as he saw glimpses of their flashlights flickering in the distance.

"Well? What have we got?" Barani yelled.

"Sir... you gotta see this. This is simply amazing!"

Barani gave the nod, and he entered the cavern along with the others. As soon as he entered the cavern, he suddenly stopped dead in his tracks as he realised this wasn't a cavern after all - it was a basilca-style hallway, with two rows of columns running the length of the room hiding smaller and darker side-passages. He looked in awe up towards the arched roof - it was cracked here and there with the odd chunk missing, but apart from that it was still in fairly good nick. In fact, traces of highly-detailed paintings could still be made out, although he couldn't tell what they were meant to be in this dim light.

He could also see rows of pointed-arch stained glass windows running at high level, all depicting some kind of religious scene - he didn't know who or what they were meant to be, and quite frankly he couldn't care less. The only thing he wondered was just how they were staying intact so deep under the sea - surely the massive water pressure would've blown them in ages ago.

It was then he spotted the glow which was only just visible at the end of the hall, a greenish light that seemed to shine as bright as a beacon in these gloomy surroundings despite being so faint in reality.

"That must be it! Let's go!"

They rushed forward with just a hint of excitement, drawn to the glow like moths to a flame, sprinting with their guns drawn ready, just in case. The hallway ended in a T-junction and the regiment turned to the right, following the light.

And that was when they saw it...

There in front of them, sat proudly on a small pedestal was the source of the light - a large green gem that was cut so intricately, it seemed there was no way it was done by a human. They all stopped and stared in awe for a moment.

"Wow!" one soldier murmured. "Is that really the Glimmung?"

"Amazing. Just look at that thing!" another replied.

"No! Don't look at it. DON'T!" the general yelled, remembering the legend about it sending all who gazed at it insane. That was just the reminder the others needed, and they all averted their eyes just in time. A plucky young private took a small thick bag out of his pocket and started walking towards it, keeped his eyes firmly drawn to the floor. Tentatively, he walked forwards before being rudely interrupted by a young blue-haired girl poking her face in front of his.

"Hello mister!" Fatarani said, waving and grinning cheekily.

"Get this child out of here!" barked General Barani.

"I'm not a child, I'm 237 years old!" Fatarani pouted. "I don't like you. You're nasty. You all are!"

"Get her out of here!" the General said, repeating his order.

The young soldier obiently draw his gun, as did the rest of his colleagues, and they all trained them at the young girl as she levitated a few feet off the ground in front of them.

"PUT YOUR HANDS UP SLOWLY!" the soldier at the front yelled.

"Why? What have I done?" she asked innocently.

"Do as I say! NOW!"

"No."

"I'm warning you. Put your hands up!"

Fatarani petulantly folded her arms and sat cross-legged in mid-air, looking to one side with her nose in the air. "Make me."

"This is your last warning. Surrender now!"

"No. YOU surrender." Fatarani said as she wiggled a finger in the lead soldier's direction. Suddenly, he was whipped off his feet by some unseen force and he landed on the floor with a hard bump.

"OPEN FIRE!!"

At the general's command, a number of the soldiers unloaded their weapons, pumping round upon round of ammunition into Fatarani for a good five, maybe ten seconds, and as they did so the whole room slowly became enveloped in a cloud of hazy smoke. The soldiers stopped firing and waited in silence as the smoke lifted, and from out a nowhere, a soft giggling could be heard.

"Tee hee! That tickled!"

The soldiers gasped in astonishment as Fatarani's form began to appear in the fading mist. Instictively, they raised their guns and prepared to fire once again, but before they had the chance to do so, every single gun in the room began to glow red hot - too hot for any of the brave lads of the Northern Bettian army to handle, and so they dropped them onto the floor with a yelp. They looked on in amazement as they slowly melted into untidy puddles.

"Please don't shoot my little sister - it's most impolite."

They looked up, and behind Fatarani they saw Junlinun facing them standing in front of the jewel. She was flanked by Tharihi and Akhsaru, who held a glowing orange hand up in front of her.

"Hey soldier boys, what's up?" Tharihi said with a grin - well, she probably would have been grinning if she had a face, but being nothing more than a shadow it was impossible to tell.

"I don't know that hell you girls are, but you won't stand in our way! Seize them!" the general yelled as she jabbed a finger in their direction.

"I don't think so!" Tharihi replied as she waved her hand in front of her. Suddenly, the soldiers all found themselves frozen, rooted to the spot and unable to move.

"What do you think you're doing?" Barani asked as Junilun strode up to the pedestal and picked up the jewel.

"Hmmm... pretty." she said as she held it up and inspected it. "Shame about the small bubble in the middle."

"Bubble?" the general spluttered.

"Sure! Check it out!" Junilun smiled as she brought it so the general could see for himself. Sure enough, a small bubble could just about be seen behind the gemstone's many faces.

"But... but I don't understand."

"Man, you fleshlings are slow! This so-called Glimmung is a fake. This whole place is a fake - just a small pocket of the Dreamed Realm placed on this NS-Earth by the Frostican authorities to fool you twats, and you fell for it big time!"

The general's head drooped. "This whole thing has been a complete waste of time." he said despondantly. "I've been so stupid."

"Aww, don't be sad Mister Shiny-Head!" Fatarani said, patting his balding pate as she gave him a comforting hug.

"My sister's right - I wouldn't take this failure too hard. Any fleshling would've been fooled by this clever illusion." Junilun added. "That's what happens when you try to mess with powers you don't understand. There's no point in you staying here, just like the people who dreamed this place up no longer have any point in keeping it in existance. Time for you guys to go home!"

With that and a flick of her wrist, the soldiers suddenly found themselves back at the Northern Bettian army HQ. Blinking in the sunlight, they prepared themselves for their earlier-than-expected debriefing...

Elsewhere in the barracks, Hiro sat at a table writing a letter.

"A letter? Who's that for?" Massa asked as he walked in.

"It's for the Frostican government, just to say thank you for such a cracking time." he said as he admired the blood-spattered three-foot long rabbit's foot mounted on the wall above him.

"Heh. It was fun, wasn't it?" Massa chuckled. "Come on then - let's see what you've written."

Dear Frosty blokes

On behaf of the Yuna Crew, I am riting to say thank yu for sending us to that rabit plase. We always thort yu were a bunch of boring smug twats siting in yur clowds, but yu shor no how to entertayn visiting fans. Sure, we lost a cupel of hundred of our boys, but fiyting giant rabits was much more fun than waching futball. I am rekomending to my komanding ofisers that we use your giant rabit plase for training (with yur permishun, of corse).

Thanks
Sgt. Hiro Keitaro, 6th Regiment

"So? Will that do?" Hiro asked

"I suppose. There may be one or two spelling mistakes, but at least you didn't write it in crayon as usual."

Errinundera

08-05-2007, 13:13

News item from Le Monde, the Deddique (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Deddick) daily newspaper

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/regnans/East%20Gippsland/lemonde.png

GODDESS HONOURED IN AHWA’U AS POTOROOS PASS INTO MEMORY

The potoroos finally played an official World Cup match at their home away from home, ubhashinim Ahwa’u Stadium. The surviving players from that dreadful match sixteen years formed a guard of honour for the team as they entered the stadium named after the marvellous one-time Errinundrian captain who lost her life that stormy day.

First to pass through the guard of honour were current coach, withare, and the angelic, genderqueer captain, rosaniel, who were coach and rookie player, respectively, at Frosty Hollow on that day. At the time, ubhashinim was 25 years of age and rosaniel 21. One can only imagine what the potoroo attack would have been like had the two played together in subsequent campaigns. It is a tantalising thought. The youngest member of the current squad, scerberu, who is likely to accept the baton from rosaniel as the team’s charismatic striker, was only one year old when the giant tree fell. withare and rosaniel then formed the last pair in the guard of honour as the rest of the current team filed through.

The local students who performed an ulek for the two teams received the biggest roar of the day. Ariddians, proud of their traditions, and Errinundrians, with tears in their eyes, joined as one to voice their approval of the performance. This was surely going to be a pro-potoroo crowd as Errinundera set out to break a 3-Cup streak of bowing out in the second round of the World Cup.

It was not to be . Once again the potoroos get to experience the quarters, the semis and the final from the wrong side of the fence.

Convenor of the Errinundera Football Association was philosophical. “It looks like we’ve lost our second goalkeeper of the campaign: owiavi to the Archregimancy and now arata to Ariddia. Shit happens. I wonder how he’ll fulfil his contract with EC Elville. Anyway, I can’t hang about. One good thing about this tournament finishing early for us is that I can go back home and make sure the Baptism of Frost is running smoothly.”

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Capitalizt SLANI.png
Capitalist Mob
(Luguëo pen 57, Bell 80)

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/Errinundera.png
Errinundera 1
(immelfar 6)

Errinundera's WC34 scorers:
13 carltu
11 rosaniel (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Rosaniel)
9 scerberu
7 snaporoo
5 immelfar
4 isshare
2 matthieug
2 aptai
1 arata
1 ininggu
1 urumi

Schiavonia

08-05-2007, 14:12

The Schiavone Scribe
Tired Jones Costs Sloths
Schiavonia 0-1 Elves Security Forces

Schiavonia crashed out of World Cup 34 last night with a sorry display last night, crashing out of the cup by a goal to nil against Elves Security Forces.

The only goal of the game came when a rather tired looking David Jones stumbled over his own feet in the Schiavone penalty area, in perfect timing to fall on top of an onrushing Tobias Raynor and concede a penalty. A chance that Kyla Night was not going to miss.

The result, following on from a goalless draw against Wentland, has strengthened the arguments for Schiavonia to play it a bit cooler in qualifying. With just two defeats in qualifying over the past three cups, yet dismal attacking performances once the team gets to the finals, this seems to hold up.

Yesterday's performance was the perfect example of this. Jones and Isla Blige looked particularly tired, which is rather disappointing considering how they are two of the most important members of the team. Even Colin Chester, in his final game for the sloths, looked like he'd been playing for one cup too many.

The future of Tony Tarmey as team manager is also in doubt. While Tarmey has gotten Schiavonia further in a cup than ever before, it has been the manner of the last two performances that have disappointed fans the most. Barely a decent attack between them.

He should be OK. But if the SFF have learnt from keeping Rodney Lowe in the job for two cups too many, then a dismal showing at WC35 could be his last.

Final Score
Schiavonia 0
Elves Security Forces 1 (Kyla Night 31 [pen])

- - - - -

David got back to his room after the defeat against ESF. He knew what it meant for him.

He turned on the TV.

"Young football prodigy David Jones died tonight, after being in a critical condition following an accident in Middlesbrough town centre. He was 22. David had just signed for the town's football club from non-league football in the North-West. It seemed his condition was improving, but events took a turn for the worse last night, and..."

He didn't care though. This was better than his old life. More fun. Last night with Isla... well, that was definately worth it!

David Jones wasn't dead. In fact, life was just beginning...

Vilita

08-05-2007, 18:07

http://www.3wideracing.com/3wide/sites/ao/vilita/images/ttov.gif

Jungle Cats on the Prowl in Ariddia

After a slow start to their World Cup Finals campaign, Callum Banda's Vilita Jungle Cats have proven that their dominance in the qualifying stage was not a fluke after a 3-2 victory over Oliverry propelled the Atlantian Oceania founders into the last 8 for the first time since World Cup 21. The last time Vilita was at this stage of the World Cup Finals, Callum Banda himself was on the pitch for one of the most controversial and exciting matches in World Cup history, with Bedistan coming out 8-7 victors in what would not only prove to be the highest scoring World Cup Finals match of all time, but also prove to be the deciding match in World Cup 21, as defending champions Vilita were knocked out of the competition while Bedistan would go on to win the first of their four World Cup titles.

Banda made good on his promise to improve the all-time record over Oliverry in the finals with the 3-2 result over the frenchies. Vilita is now 2-1-1 all time against Oliverry in the finals, with two consecutive victories. On the other hand, the Quarter Final matchup between Vilita and Ariddia will be the first meeting of the two sides since the return of Ariddia to major football competition in World Cup 25. The Ariddian's will be looking to take advantage of their home field advantage, with the venue being the Arctic National Stadium in the Ariddian Arctic Islands. This decision has caused some controversy around the sporting world, as the Ariddian Arctic Islands are semi-autonomous and not considered Ariddian territory. However, no complaints have yet come from Vilita Football Association President Rory Issah, who plans to attend the match himself and is well aware of the thought that goes in to venue distribution at the World Cup Finals, having allowed the nearby Emirate of Turori to host some matches at the Finals of World Cup 17.

Issah, who had originally planned to retire at the start of World Cup 34 qualifying, has continuously put off his retirement as the squad has continued to perform well. It is now believed that Issah will see his post through the end of the tournament, whether that be this week in the Arctic Islands or in a further three matches at the completion of the tournament itself.

A namesake is on the line for one Vilitan as the squad take on Vilita. Head Coach Callum Banda, who failed at bringing home the Cup of Harmony trophy with a chance to immortalize his name on the side of the new Arcticala Electrical Stadium in Arcticala, Vilita, appears to have gotten a second chance to have the stadium named after him. The town is once again brimming with excitement and the legendary Callum Banda is at the heart of it all. Expected to be completed in time for World Cup 35 competition, the new 90,000+ seater stadium is going to be one of the most advanced stadiums in the world with the funding of Vilita's biggest energy provider behind it. However, supporters of the 100 goal international scorer have been pressuring the company to reconsider their offer to name the stadium after Banda, and they may be listening. Should Vilita overcome the hosts in the Quarter Finals, and earn a further two matches in the Cup guaranteed regardless of outcome, it is widely believed that the stadium will in fact be named after the man who put the team that will play in it on the international map.

Milchama

09-05-2007, 00:35

Alexandria Times-Tribune-Star-News-Post-Gazette-Chronicle-Journal-Enquirer

Sports Section

International Conspiracy officially dead

The vast international, probably capitalist, conspiracy is finally dead today as the praying to the Great Margaret has ended almost all talk of the conspiracy as her greatness has allowed Milchama a quarterfinal appearance with a convincing 5-1 win over Cafeundeu. This game has changed the psyche of Milchama as the international conspiracy that has stopped our obviously superior athletes from winning games against inferior opponents looks to be coming to an end. While Cafundeu don't quite have the World Cup pedigree of others who we have faced they are still a team to be feared. To beat them in this fashion clearly shows the international conspiracy to be at or near an end thanks to the two wonderful kids who have helped us so much.

The brilliant creator of the international conspiracy, Douglas Jefferey, doesn't believe this to be so saying, "Nah this only mitigates it but if you look closely the refs were clearly calling everything their way. Margaret only allows us to overcome these troubles better, without her we are lost just look at our games when we don't pray to her. It's just bad."

Now for review and predictions, A hattrick by Belmowitz plus goals for Lonnen and Joseph gave Milchama an easy coasting 5-1 victory. It could have been 8 since Clufor hit the woodwork twice and Keffer saw his free kick sail just wide of the net but we'll take 5 as it looks scary and puts us against Az-Cz in the quarterfinals.

Review of our history with Az-Cz. Well it's growing, probably if we had been younger it could be a big rivalry but since we're egotistical jerks we think we're better than them and don't want to start a rivalry. Plus we like kleptochse giving us something easy to like them with.

Although we have met them a lot in international sporting competitions recently particularly this is our third meeting in as many World Cups. In World Cup 32 we beat them 4-2 on home ground with 4 different goal scorers one of them apparently as Marc J. Floren. (He already scored in this campaign with a bicycle kick after getting lost and wandering onto the field in the second half agianst Bostopia in leg 2).

Then in World Cup 33 we were also in their group and lost only by 1 goal 3-2. All I know is that Milchama pissed away a lead which is bloody typical of that awful World Cup performance. How the fuck did we lose to both Demot and Az-Cz?

Finally in the Baseball World Cup we lost in a sweep but both games went to extra innings, and in Kleptochase despite having the best chasers a lot of the time we could not be the most successful foreigners. So what does this all mean?

We'll lose to Az-Cz 5-4 on penalties. Unless we pray to Margaret in which case we will win 3-2 in extra time.

Come on Warriors!

Milchama

09-05-2007, 01:14

"Dude! Margaret rocks, 5-1!"

"Yeh it's awesome Go Warriors!"

"100% man"

"Ok well we all know the reason for that so let's do this!"

"Yes!"

*Rings the hornbell 36 minutes and 5563 people later*

"OK Everybody you ready! Margaret needs to be prayed to so let's begin!"

"So Do as I do and Say as I say"

''Ringa pakia!''
''Uma tiraha!''
''Turi whatia!''
''Hope whai ake!''
''Waewae takahia kia kino!''
''Ka mate, ka mate''
''Ka ora, ka ora''
''Ka mate, ka mate''
''Ka ora, ka ora''
''Tēnei te tangata pūhuruhuru''
''Nāna nei i tiki mai whakawhiti te rā''
''Ā upane, ka upane''
''Whiti te rā, hī!''

"Tim Gonnenberg! Oh my god!"

*To the side*

"What the hell?"

"Well apparently we're popular"

"Yeh well let's bring him up"

*To everyone*

"Well certainly you know how this works"

"Yes I do, Mister so let me begin"

"Absolutely Great Leader"

"Eetamar" "Eetamar"
"Golobin" "Golobin"
"Futuneemanialeeoka" "Futuneemanialeeoka"
"Ooommmm" Oooommmm"
"Ummeeetummy" "Ummetummy"

"Thank you Great Leader"

"Now strip and run around"

*51 minutes of chaos later*

"Margaret we thank thee for the great victory over Cafundeu and we pray that you may allow us to do similar if not greater things against Az-Cz tommorow. To ensure victory we shall give you two rubber lams, two rubber chickens and a partridge in a pear tree"

*4 sacrifices and a pear tree later*

"May you accept our humble sacrifice Margaret. And may you grant us victory tommorow in a glorious victory over our foes"

"Hail Margaret!"

"Hail Margaret!"

Squornshelous

09-05-2007, 01:17

Death Threats Effective Against Pschychoes

Halfway through qualifying, Squornshelous was struggling to keep in the top half of their group, and looked to be in real danger of failing to make the cup for the first time in 80 years. After a new law was passed that would mean execution for the entire team and coaching staff should the Pscyhcoes fail to qualify, they have found new motivation. They haven't lost, or even drawn a match since. The Pschychoes cruised through the rest of qualifying and easily won this cup's Group of Death, containing ourselves, former champions Starblaydia and Vilita and up-and-comers Geisenfried. We earned a full nine points from the group stage with 3-2 victories over Starblaydia and Vilita, and a 2-1 win over Geisenfried.

The second round proved a bit more difficult as the defense of The Lowland Clans was able to curb our attack somewhat, but world class striker Jaromil Ctibor managed to get the winner in. However, with our offensive production slowly declining over the past three matches, we are a bit worried about our team's chances coming into this Quarterfinal match. This is a matchup of two of the best attacking teams in football, but with one more on form than the other. Commerce Heights and Squornshelous are old foes, and both play in a similar style. However, the Capitalizts have seemed slightly more comfortable, scoring just a few more goals. It may not seem like much, but with two teams so evenly matched, a goal one way or the other could decide who goes on and who goes home.

Alasdair I Frosticus

09-05-2007, 01:23

Dear Frosty blokes

On behaf of the Yuna Crew, I am riting to say thank yu for sending us to that rabit plase. We always thort yu were a bunch of boring smug twats siting in yur clowds, but yu shor no how to entertayn visiting fans. Sure, we lost a cupel of hundred of our boys, but fiyting giant rabits was much more fun than waching futball. I am rekomending to my komanding ofisers that we use your giant rabit plase for training (with yur permishun, of corse).

Thanks
Sgt. Hiro Keitaro, 6th Regiment

Dear Sgt. Keitaro,

To all whom these divers favours and presents are addressed:
BEHOLD! The Basileus deigns to order me to reply to your missive!

It gives me great pleasure to announce that His Imperial Majesty, may his wisdom be praised from the rising of the sun to the setting of the same and all hours inbetween, has - in consultation with the Senatorial Councils of the Holy Empire and the approval of at least two of those councils, as required by the constitution of the Holy Empire - announced that the Yuna Crew of Northern Bettia are henceforth to be granted permission to travel directly between your reality and the reality known as Fluffy Bunny World via a portal constructed by Dreamed Realm Oneirologists. His Imperial Majesty, praise be the honeyed dew drops of wisdom that pass as priceless pearls from his lips, has also commanded me to say that Flopsy, Mopsy, and Cottontail, the Dread Lords of Fluffy Bunny World, also enjoyed their recent interaction with the Yuna Crew, and look forward to ripping the heads off more of your compatriots with their blood-stained razor-sharp fangs in coming years. They have also asked us to pass on that they do earnestly entreat you to treat the corpse of their fallen comrade Pyotr Veliki Krolik with proper respect, and note that should you choose to cook him, he would have preferred to have been turned into a Flemish Rabbit Stew with Beer and Prunes; a recipe is attached separately. If you have specific requests as to how the corpses of your fallen are to be eaten, please contact Fluffy Bunny World directly through the newly constructed portal (be advised that the correct colour for a flag of truce in Fluffy Bunny World is teal).

Sincerly Yours,

The Junior Second Undersecretary of the Imperial Secretariat of the Purple Inkwell

Alasdair I Frosticus

09-05-2007, 02:19

"Basil!"

"Theo! Say, what's that you're reading? The C Text of the Codex Frosticus - Double Headed Eagle Classics Edition That's a little heavy going for a football commentary booth, isn't it?"

"Not at all, Basil... It was always my favourite as a child - of all the Codices, it has the most complete version of the Basiliad of Vergilius Secundus; my father used to read it to me at bed time. Why, I remember parts of it by heart, even now....

They tumble down on broken wings
Like Icarus, yet unfulfilled;
And thrice they each strike mighty blows,
And thrice their pain doth fail to show,
While all around the carrion crows
Pine for their blood.
Is this how dreams were made to end?
They cannot know

Magic. Sheer magic."

"What was that bit you just read out, then?"

"Oh, that? Don't you recognise it, Basil? It's from Book XIX of the Basiliad... let me look it up quickly... Here it is.... 'The Fall of the Oneiromancer and Basilieus; in which the combatents fall from the heavens, and cause the earth to shake with their furious battle'. Like most of the Basiliad, it doesn't survive in an entirely complete version, but it's still stirring. All myth of course - the idea that the Emperor battled some god-like wizard of dreams for 30 days and 30 nights for control of the Dreamed Realm, only succeeding when he discovered the Glimmung... well, it's farcical, really, isn't it? Almost as silly as those Quatrains of the Oneiromancer you were reading during qualification."

"Wasn't me, Theo, that was the missus."

"Then why do you still have a copy sticking out of your back pocket?"

"What? This, Theo? How did that get there? Honestly, can't even put my jeans on without the wife slyly slipping something in..."

"That's a rather fetching shade of beet red you've just turned, Basil. Let me have a look at that.... Look at this nonsense....

Ye Seconnde cuppe shalle the quartyrred fynnalle reeche
And twisse sicksteene shalle passe agayne
Byefore thatte stayge shalle comme agayne
Thenne shalle alle passe in fyre and flayme

Just what is this rubbish supposed to mean, anyway?"

"Well, Theo, according to the missus, it means that the world will end if the Holy Empire ever reaches the quarterfinals again - and that we'll reach the quarterfinals this cup for the first time since World Cup 2."

"Or, Basil, it might equally mean that we're in for a big fireworks display should we reach the quarterfinals this cup - and there's not much chance of that happening, is there? We're playing Demot, for God's sake. Hosts or no hosts, Demot came third in the last World Cup, and home field's not going to do us much good against that, is it? Anyway, enough literary trash, as the teams take to the field, it's time to introduce tonight's starting line-ups...."

120 minutes later...

".... THESE AMAZING SCENES, BASIL, AS THE HOME FANS INVADE THE PITCH!!! CURCUASO'S THIRD GOAL OF THE NIGHT, WITH THE LAST KICK OF EXTRA TIME, CAPPING NOT ONLY HIS OWN AMAZING HATTRICK, BUT A REMARKABLE COMEBACK FROM A 2-0 HALFTIME DEFICIT!!!!! THE CROWD GOES WILD!!!! JUST LOOK AT THE FIREWORKS!!!!! LISTEN TO THE ROAR!!!! GROWN MEN ARE IN TEARS AS THE HOLY EMPIRE REACHES THE QUARTERFINALS OF THE WORLD CUP FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE WORLD CUP 2!!!!!!"

"Careful there, Theo - you'll shout yourself hoarse!"

"Sorry Basil, I just can't help it. Amazing, amazing stuff. 2-0 down at halftime, only for Curcuaso to almost singlehandedly drag the team back into the match and score three, including that late, late winner. I'm stunned. Stunned...."

"Still, looks like you were right about the fireworks - the world hasn't come to an end."

"Told you so Basil."

"Still... you have to admit one thing...."

"What's that?"

"The Quatrains were right about 32 cups passing between quarterfinal appearances..."

"Oh Basil.... they could mean anything. Only the sloppiest of prophets gets too specific about his prophecies... ask the Cafundeuns...."

Cafundeu

09-05-2007, 03:23

O JUTENSE NEWSPAPER – ASSOCIATED WITH GLOBO MULTIMEDIA

WORLD CUP 34 COVERAGE FROM ALASDAIR I FROSTICUS
Match Report written by O Jutense editor, Milene Escobar
With phrases and images from Globo Multimedia’s coverage, commented by Breno Gavião

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

NERVOUSNESS AND LACK OF DISCIPLINE PREJUDICES CAFUNDÉU

http://img61.imageshack.us/img61/4310/semttulowi7.jpg
The winner team before the game

Cafundéu qualified for the second phase of the World Cup, and had to play against Milchama. The coach David Nefasto mantained the same team, and was confident to get a good result. The team had some good moments in the field, but the opponent was clearly the stronger team and won by a good margin. Most of the goals were scored in the second half, as the first half ended in a 1x1 draw. The neutral supporters liked the game, which was exciting.

After a good first half, Cafundéu’s players returned nervous to the second half and missed many plays. When the team was losing the game, this nervousness made the players violent, and Cafundéu paid for its lack of discipline. In the end, the team lost the game in a deserved way, and had to return home, to wait for the next World Cup.

THE GAME
The first minutes of the game were very interesting, with both teams fighting for the ball wanting to start their plays. Cafundéu got a good control of the ball in the midfield, but couldn’t produce good plays. Milchama had a good offensive work using the wings, but the Monopolists defenders were doing a good job and hold the opponent team.

The first goal opportunities appeared. Keffer received the ball in the midfield and shot from outside the area, but Júnior made a great save. Cafundéu replied with Heitor, who received the ball from Anormal, invaded the area and shot, but the ball went wide. After many minutes of an entertaining game, Joseph received the ball from Marchakov, dribbled Sávio Ferrari and shot to score the first goal. Read Breno Gavião’s comments:

“Cafundéu loses the ball in the midfield and now can suffer a counterrrrrattack. Marchakov runs, and passes the ball to Joseph. He is going to invade the arrrrrea, drrrrribbles Sávio, shoots... and it’s a goal! Goal for Milchama! Joseph! Milchama one, Cafundéu zero! Janjão Hot Dog, the best fast food company of the region! Only we have the special cat burger, made with cat meat!”

Michama continued attacking. After a good change of passes in the midfield, Kary passed the ball to Joseph, who shot the ball. It hit Becão and the post, and was cleared by the defenders later. Cafundéu could get forces to reply with a goal. Anormal knocked down two opponents and passed the ball to Priotto. The defensive midfielder shot from outside the area and scored a beautiful goal. Read Breno Gavião:

“Kirs in the defense. The ball is passed to Anorrrrrmal. And he attacks! Drrrrribbles one, rrrruns over another. Good play starrrrted by Anorrrrrmal! He passes the ball to Prrrrriotto... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAL! For Cafundéu! Rrrrrreplay now! Prrrrriotto, number eight! Cafundéu one, Milchama one, and we’re still in the game!”

http://img87.imageshack.us/img87/6508/claitonmengows8si6.jpg
Priotto commemorates his goal

Both teams returned with the same players for the second half, and everybody expected a second half like the first one: exciting and difficult. But Milchama didn’t take much time to change the things. After one minute, Clufor made a long pass to Lonnen, who headed the ball and scored another goal without difficulties. Read Breno Gavião’s comments:

“We arrrrre still in the beginning of the second half, but Milchama contrrrrrols the ball with the midfielder Clufor. He faces Falcus, looks for the attack, and makes a rrrrreally long pass. The ball goes to the arrrrrea, the defenders didn’t jump, Lonnen goes for it... and it’s a goal! Goal for Milchama! Lonnen! Cafundéu one, Milchama two! Your vision isn’t so good? Do you need glasses? In Ótica Mais you can get your new glasses with good prices and excellent quality! Come to see us!”

The goal wasn’t good for the morale of Cafundéu’s players. They became very nervous, and missed lots of passes. After some minutes, Léo Mattos passed the ball to the opponent player, Belmowitz, who dribbled him and shot to score another goal. Cafundéu started to make many fouls, and Milchama was in the control of the game. With less than ten minutes remaining for the end of the game, Keffer suffered a heavy foul from the goalkeeper Júnior, who was sent off. Heitor went to the goal, but Belmowitz scored in the penalty kick. Read Breno Gavião:

“Gaúcho falls on the grrrrround and Lonner starts attacking. He goes to the attack, drrrrribbles Becão, invades the arrrrrea, will drrrrribble Júnior to scorrrrre the goal... and it’s a penalty! Violent foul made by Júnior! And of course he rrrrreceived a rrrrred carrrrrd! A fair decision. Cafundéu can’t make more changes, so Heitor will play as the goalkeeper. Keffer will take the penalty... and it’s a goal! Goal for Milchama! Keffer! Milchama four, Cafundéu one!”

Cafundéu simply didn’t attack in the last minutes of the game, and Milchama tried to score the fifth goal. In one play, Mergle headed the ball after a corner kick, and Heitor made a magnificent save. Minutes after, Rintell received the ball alone in the area and scored a goal, but was in an offside position. But the fifth goal came with Belmowitz, who hit the ball after a crossing from Keffer.

AFTER THE GAME
Cafundéu’s players were visibly sad after the game, although the supporters and the Milchama players tried to comfort them. One of the most deceptioned players was Júnior, who was crying inside the dressing room, and didn’t want to talk with the media. The attacker (and goalkeeper for some minutes) Heitor said: “The result isn’t so nice, but this is a natural thing in football. Maybe we weren’t ready to play such an important game, and couldn’t control ourselves. In the future, we may be able to perform better in decisive games.”

Other players talked with the media. One of them was the midfielder Anormal: “Our first half was so good. We could play in the same level of Milchama, but that goal in the beginning of the second half really prejudiced our confidence. They got a deserved win, and we need to return to home happy with our good campaign.” The defender Kirs said: “To finish between the best sixteen countries in the world is already a victory.”

But the coach David Nefasto surely wasn’t calm, and talked after the game: “I wasn’t expecting this result. I even thought that we could win. I think that it’s my fault, and don’t know what to do now. The only thing that I know is that I won’t continue in the National Team. So, to avoid being fired, I will resign, and return to club football, looking for a club to coach in the next season.”

http://img54.imageshack.us/img54/8052/eurico2ia0.jpg
The referee was protected by the police

CAFUNDÉU 1x5 MILCHAMA

Place: Imperial Hippodrome, in Alasdair I Frosticus.
Attendance: 100,000 people.
Referee: Zack Liss (Yafor 2).
MOTM: Marin Keffer (Milchama).

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/cafundeu.png CAFUNDÉU: Júnior, Léo Mattos (Renário 65’), Kirs, Becão and Sávio Ferrari (Kemp 75’); Anormal, Priotto, Falcus (Gaúcho 65’) and Kliek; Heitor and Ijak.
Coach: David Nefasto.

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/milchama.png MILCHAMA: Dalton, Stockholm (Stoncin 80’), Mergle and Hansen; Marchakov (Mitchell 70’), Clufor and Lonnen; Keffer, Joseph, Belmowitz and Kary (Rintell 65’).
Coach: Damian Hill.

Goals:CAF: Priotto 38’.
MIL: Joseph 23’ , Lonnen 46’ , Belmowitz 57’/83’/89’.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

WC goalscorers:

3- G. Ijak
2- M. Priotto
1- Becão, Heitor and C. Falcus

Alasdair I Frosticus

09-05-2007, 03:38

CO-HOST ANNOUNCEMENT

The venues for the two Holy Empire quarterfinals are as follows:

Alasdair I Frosticus v Elves Security Forces: Stadium Tzimisces, Philadelphia

Az-cz v Milchama: The Meteora, St. Mary's City

Details on the two stadia, copied from the original bid thread:

1) Stadium Tzimisces, Philadelphia: a 60,000 seater located in the capital of the vast and underpopulated Chaco region. The Chaco, which produces a disproportionate number of the Holy Empire's footballers, is a huge raised plateau where the searing heat of the dry season alternates with the suffocating humidity of the wet season. The quarterfinal will be in the dry season.

2) The Meteora, St. Mary's City: a 55,000 seater located in the third city of the Empire, which itself lies adjacent to the steep cliffs dividing the Imperial Plains from the Chaco. The Meteora seems almost suspended in the air in the cliffs immediately above St. Mary's; on three sides it (mostly) faces stone, but the fourth side (one of the long sides) juts out into thin air from the cliffs, providing spectacular views. It is reached by a combination of cable cars, walking paths and lifts [elevators]

Elves Security Forces

09-05-2007, 06:40

Elven Times
Remarkable

Superior oppenent, respected for their skill, honored for their class, and known for their expierence. Everything pointed to a Schiavonia topping over the Marauders and to make a trip to the Quarterfinals. The squad had even resigned itself to just trying to put out a good performance for their faithful to remember their tournament on. With a tough loss against Az-cz and a very dissapointing draw to the bastardly people of Northern Caesera, the squad's image as a solid team was faltering abit. With many of the players confidence on the downswing, it was up to captain Justinian Constant to get everybodies heads back up and the morale back to where it was after the win over the Monks in the first game of the group stage. Just before the squad was set to take the pitch, the quiet captain spoke to the squad. He reached down deep into their hearts and pulled on the strings of honor and how the team was a family. The words tugged the emotions out of the bunch and lifted thier spirits as they strode onto the pitch, with their chins held high.

The Schiavones were lethargic from the get go, with some of the players looking like thier age had finally caught up to them. Meanwhile, the squad looked fresh and sharp as the match started. With these two high powered offenses you would of thought that the first goal of the match would of came well before the thrity-fourth minute, and under less dubious circumstances. Jannian was on the wing, trying to pick out a good cross when David Jones seemed to collapse right onto Raynor, who was making a skicing run through the box. The referee made the call, and a penalty was rewarded to the Marauders. Kyla Night kept her perfect streak alive for penalties this tournament, as she netted it calmly by slotting it into the high left post, with Stone and Florez coming over, and the three dancing provacatively in celebration.

Both defenses were dominiant, as niether side had many quality chances, with the final tally being three to two in favor of the Marauders. Both keepers were up to the task on those few chances and kept their nets nice and pure, save tjhe dubious penalty call against Jones. With the hosts of the Holy Empire up next, Soler suddenly finds his offence sputtering. With only three goals in the last three fixtures, the offence has to refind their form quickly if they are to overcome the home field advantage that the Empire so luciously enjoys. They were able to overcome a 2-0 deficit at the half against the eigth ranked team in the world, Demot, to take the deicision 3-2 in extra time in what was the most exciting match of the Round of 16. With their ability to overcome circumstances like that, it is clear to the Marauders that the Empire is clearly driven to make good on their hosting advantage, and try to be the second consecutive co-host to make the final of their tournament. The young Kiso Night elaborated a little bit on the team's perceptive coming into the crucial match.

"Well, I look at that Demot result, and I go WOW. I mean, we know how good Demot is, and anyone who doesn't just needs to look at thier qualification record and last tournament's run. That's when as a player you think that they might just be a team of destiny, whose breaks just seem to go their way no matter who they are matched up against. It's a bit discouraging to feel that way when you're the next in line in their march. Knowing that the breaks are falling just right for them, and that they are in their grounds makes for a bad combination. Yet, after the resolve we showed to make the knockouts and then overcome a quality oppenent like the Sloths, I like our chances. It's going to be a hard fought match, but I think that a key possession or two will go our way, and when squads are this close in talent, that is all that is needed to tilt the scales. Regardless of the result, everyone should tune in as it is going to be one hell of a match."

If the young stiker is as good on predicting results as he is on converting chances, the squad could be on their way into the semi-finals by nights end. I do not agree with the favored son of the nation, as I think the home field advantage and the drive of the Holy Empire is going to be too much for the Marauders, who have now restored their image as a solid squad, and one of the premier in the world, and for a squad that wanted only to get respect entering the qualifying, they have exceeded their goals quite well.

Predictions
Ariddia v. Vilita
Squornshelous v. Commerce Heights
Az-cz v Milchama
Alasdair I Frosticus v Elves Security Forces

Elves Security Forces 1
Kyla Night (36) Pen

Schiavonia 0

Article by Ron Santapa

OCC: Will people please look at my roster and stop choosing my scorers! There is an N there for a reason...

Vilita

09-05-2007, 06:52

http://www.3wideracing.com/3wide/sites/ao/vilita/images/ttov.gif

Media Split over Vilitan Chances

The Vilita Jungle Cats have received little love from the Az-Cz media ahead of their Quarter Final clash against hosts Ariddia. The Az-Cz press ranked the Jungle Cats as the weakest team remaining in the competition, and Callum Banda's side is likely to use this insult and use it to motivate them before kickoff in the Ariddian Arctic Islands. The Az-czzers have been unimpressed by the results the Jungle cats have obtained thus far in the competition, despite ending a 12 cup hiatus from the knockout stage with their historic victory over Starblaydia.

Meanwhile, hosts Ariddia are tipped to fight for a second World Cup title by the Az-czzers. This is much different than the message being passed around in Elves Security Forces, however. The Elven Times predict Vilitan triumph and a return to the Semi-Finals for just the second time in Vilitan history and a matchup with the Capitalizt SLANI for a place in the World Cup Final. The though of being just two wins away from the World Cup Final is sure to be motivation for the Jungle Cats, but the hosts will not be looking to get knocked out in front of their own supporters. That is, if any of them show up to a frozen Island in the middle of no where for a soccer match.

Both hosts remain in the competition at the Quarter Final stage, however, leaving many to wonder which will be the first host to drop out. With the Elves Security Forces uncertain of their own ability to do the trick, Callum Banda's Jungle Cats will be more than happy to get the party started. Despite the Cup of Harmony being contested in nearby Turori, World Cup Ratings are at their highest in over 10 cups in Vilita, excluding World Cup 31 which was hosted by the Tropics.

Alasdair I Frosticus

09-05-2007, 07:37

Would this be an Ariddia quarterfinal RP cut-off?

Yes, it would.

Oooooooo..... this is getting exciting.....

And the winners are.... If you want to find out, you'll just have to follow this link (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12626894&postcount=33), won't you?

--------------------------------------------------------------

The Holy Empire semi-final (participants to be announced by Ariddia later) will be back at the Imperial Hippodrome.

Your co-hosts will be making an announcement about the unique arrangements for the third place match and final upon the completion of the semi-finals.

Jeruselem

09-05-2007, 08:23

<An advertisement on TV>

Dazza Dallas in sitting around a dressing room in towel
"Hi, this is Dazza Dallas. I'm a busy girl, and I can't host DazMania all the time so I'm looking for someone to take over my spot. My daughter Kate can't because she has to go to school and become the new Village Bike - err that's another thing altogether. You know what this means - some lucky person or peoples gets to become a DazMania host! Next week, I'm hiring two new hosts, one male and female host. So how does one just the crew of idiots who work here?"

(giggles)

"Firstly, get to the DazMania web site on wwww.dazmania.com.jew and fill out the application form. You must be a Jeruselem citizen to apply at the moment due to current workplace laws. After we screen these applications, we'll call you if you can come to the rehearsal area at DazMania for some auditions. These will take a few days, and then we'll knock down the list to a select few. It's really basic. Look, I'm not looking for the average person off the street here! I want a bouncy dynamic personality who is not afraid of a little err you know. One male and one female! Here's you chance to work with me and the crew on DazMania.

(giggles again)

"Sorry, too much coffee! Now, just a reminder DazMania is a late night show. You have really weird working hours, so it's no nine to five job. You know how this show works - you stand there and talk rubbish for an hour or longer. So, if you want be a TV host here's your chance! Dazza will help you out. Oh, people aged sixteen to fourty only. I'm not fussy if you're married, a single parent or single though. And you must like staying up a night too!"

(Nikki comes in)

"Hey, this is Nikki Seabourne. She's going start work now. So if you want to with work with Nikki or any other host here."

Nikki
"It's great working here. You can be complete airhead and people love your for it! I reckon the boss is an airhead too! Right Dazza?"

Dazza
"Me? Never! OK, see you all at the auditions! Oh, here's a tip. Don't dress like you're going Sunday church! Dress like you're going on some hot date with Dazza Dallas if you're a man or Ricky Pointy Stick if you're a female. A working knowledge of football really helps too as it is a football orientated show. Dazza gives browning points if you turn up in a World Cup theme to. ON YA BIKE everyone!"

(Dazza falls off her chair, and her towel falls off too)

"Oops! This is another reason to work at DazMania ... sometimes, I do stupid things like this. Well, this will be a very popular commercial now. I really should get dressed before making these ads."

Nikki
"See people, join the DazMania crew! It's all fun here. The boss is always falling off chairs when a camera is around."

Dazza (still under a chair)
"Dazza's off her bike ..."

ESAT

09-05-2007, 08:39

RP cut-off for the Holy Empire matches. Results here (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12626963&postcount=34).

Ariddia

09-05-2007, 08:42

(Just confirming that... ESAT is my puppet. I logged in with the wrong nation.)

New Manhattan

09-05-2007, 09:10

http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/logos/tribune/
AEROPAG, JI · 0.10 g Au · 148–03–06
54–74–90–2010! Er…we mean, 2–148!

World Cup: SLANI won over Squornshelous 3–1
WAVECREST, ARIDDIA—A sea of black appeared today at Wavecrest City Stadium in Ariddia for the much-anticipated World Cup quarterfinal match between Capitalizt SLANI and Squornshelous. The tiny venue was easily filled for the match which Az-czzid reports billed as #1 vs #2, and billions more fans watched from home.

The match between the old rivals got off to a poor start, as three yellow cards were awarded within the first ten minutes for rough play—to the Pschychoes’ Patrik Hermanni and Knut Armin and the Capitalizts’ Judith Pérez. Play became a bit cleaner as the first half progressed, and the all-out attack employed by both teams allowed SLANI to string together a beautiful set of passes ending in a twenty-seventh–minute Roy Hartenholm goal. The Squornshelan players complained that the pentultimate pass by Marilyn Ray to 정강나 (Jūŋ Gaŋ-na) had been offside, but the referee, Damien Portsmouth from Elves Security Forces, ignored the protests. Through the end of the half, the two sides were evenly matched, but a mistake by goalkeeper 박영성 (Bag ʼYūŋ-sūŋ) allowed the Pschychoes to equalize in the thirty-eighth, with Jaromil Ctibor on hand to put the ball in the net.

The few people who were able to get into the stadium were rather underwhelmed by the halftime show, which consisted of the pitch being empty for fifteen minutes, presumably due to the low budget for this World Cup. Eventually play resumed, and despite the teams’ attacking reputations, it was defense and counter-attack that prevailed in the second half. Both teams tired quickly of running all over the pitch in the fast-paced game, and were forced to use all of their substitutions by the seventieth minute. However, despite the fresh blood, the game remained deadlocked at 1–1. Though it appeared as if another penalty-kick thriller, a repeat of the World Cup 15 final, might be unfolding, the stalemate was broken in the eighty-second minute when Hrolf Roope of Squornshelous was sent off for a professional foul against Nicole Bell. The Capitalizts were awarded a penalty kick, which Saturio Luguëo nailed to make the score 2–1. The Pschychoes were desperate for an equalizer in the final minutes, and were given hope by the similar feat achieved by their team in World Cup 15. When the Capitalizts’ Luguëo was injured in the eighty-ninth minute and his team and the game became ten-on-ten, it only gave them additional hope. However, that hope was ended on a corner kick in the second minute of injury time, when 왕고소 (ʼWaŋ Go-so) outjumped Ctibor and was able to clear the ball out of the penalty area, where Hartenholm made a brilliant run to the opposite goal and sealed the win with Capitalizt SLANI’s third goal. The score would remain 3–1 at full time.

With co-host Ariddia’s exciting 4–3 defeat of Vilita in the other quarterfinal in Ariddia, the Rouge-et-Noirs will be SLANI’s opponent for their first semifinal match in nineteen cups. Their last semifinal was also against a World Cup host—an incredible 2–1 upset of Les Bleus d’Eauz, who were then ranked second in the world. Though no promise can be made of an upset this time, it will most likely be placed along with the quarterfinal match as one of the most memorable in this World Cup.

http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/worldcup/graphics/flags/33/COM/ Capitalizt SLANI 3 (Hartenholm 27, 90+3; Luguëo pen 83)
http://www.thirdgeek.com/ns/worldcup/graphics/flags/33/SQU/ Squornshelous 1 (Ctibor 38)
Wavecrest City Stadium, Wavecrest, ARI • Attendance N/A

Ariddia

09-05-2007, 10:20

http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/ariddia.png Ariddia 4-3 Vilita http://spaam.mrdrake.net/flags/vilita.png

Third time in history

Foreign media had predicted that Ariddia would lose its second round match. Predictions were equally pessimistic for the quarter-finals. But the Rouge-et-Noirs barely cast them a glance.

The night before the match, the players slept in a rather basic hotel in Ata’eatu, Ariddian Arctic Islands (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ariddian_Arctic_Islands). An icy wind howled against the walls, but the sky did not turn dark; at this latitude, and at this time of year, the sun never fully set, and the players had pulled thick curtains across the windows so as not to be kept awake by the midnight sun.

In the small Arctic town, all was quiet the following day, until it was time for the match. Then, the inhabitants of Haenojol island flocked to the Ariddian Arctic Stadium, by far the most northernly (and smallest) of the PDSRA’s six national stadia.

The islanders gave both teams a cheering welcome, and applauded after the ulek. Almost as soon as the match got underway, it seemed it was going to be close. John Andrews came close to scoring an opening goal for Ariddia in the fifth minute, while goalkeeper Xavier Xu had to deal with two Vilitan shots on goal in the six minutes that followed.

The issue of the game remained uncertain throughout. Ariddians Lucas Arbustier and Ie O scored the first two goals, but the Vilitans, far from losing hope, equalised and came back with renewed vigour. Sébastien Lescrit and Ewa Shwuo made it 4-2, which the Vilitan team narrowed to 4-3 near the end, and the game went to the host side. The Arctic Islander spectators celebrated joyfully.

This is only the third time in history that the Rouge-et-Noirs have made it to the semi-finals. The first was in World Cup 10; the Ariddians had subsequently finished third, which was to remain their best achievement for almost a century. The second, fresh in all Ariddian minds, was of course World Cup 32.

The Rouge-et-Noirs will, whatever the outcome, be playing two more matches. They will face Capitalizt SLANI next, in Haven-Port-Nouveau Stadium, back in the warmer climate of the PDSRA’s main islands. The Capitalizts have, by now, got used to the unfamiliar setting of Ariddia, with its customs and values different to their own, but playing on home ground will still be an asset in the Ariddians’s favour.

“Vilita were a tough team to beat,” Ariddian captain Xavier Xu explained. “We won because we had this wonderful Arctic Islander home crowd supporting us. They gave us that extra edge, and we really needed that to win. Now I’m looking forward to going to Haven and playing our next opponents!”

All thoughout Ariddia, excitement is rising. The World Cup has become more popular than ever. The flags of the four remaining teams in contention – Elves Security Forces, Milchama, Capitalizt SLANI and Ariddia – can be seen floating all over Rêvane, and giant screens have been set up in all major cities to enable everyone to watch the games outdoors and amongst over-excited crowds.

Elves Security Forces

10-05-2007, 02:10

Elven Times
Fairest of Them All

When young Kiso Night said the day before the game that he felt the game would come down to a key possession or two, he had no idea how true those words would ring true. Then when he predicted a win, I thought it was just the cocky attitude of youth. However, I should of known the young lad was going to try to do more than his part to make good on his prediction. With his type of pedigree and family history it should of been a foregone conclusion that when he speaks, it is not idle words that have no backing behind them. The entire squad shined in their victory of the Empire, but Kiso was like a searchlight out on the pitch, guiding the Marauders to a victory and place in the semi finals, where they plan to make some history. Milchama though looks to derail the high flying Marauders, after thier deceptive trip up of Az-cz.

From the start of the match, the Marauders were clearly on their strong foot, as they came out ready to put in some damage to the pysche of the Empire. Stone, whose quiet but solid performances have been overlooked, worked over Bardas Phocaso often and sent in a rare high cross. Kiso brought the ball down and dusted it off as Manuel Comneno was out of position. A quick strike to that beat the young Michael Prodomoso who was in net. Up one nil, and on top of their game, the Marauders looked to extend their lead. Prodomoso made up for the earlier soft goal from Kiso by stopping three difficult strikes from Kyla and two late strikes by Raynor at the end of the half to keep the Frosties within a goal at half.

Despite the close score, the Frosties didn't come out of the dressing room all that inspired. Kiso Night would make them pay for their lacklustre concern by striking off a beautiful bycicle kick from the edge of the six yard box when Liliam Kries sent in the lob from the sideline. Prodomoso had absolutely no chance to stop the shot, as the power behind it made it near instantenous from the foot of Night to the back of the net. The match seemed wrapped up for the Marauders, but Alfredo Botaniates would make things intersting in the last quarter hour as he struck off a counter attack after beating Nickel with a superb dribble. St. Louis face four shots in those last fourteen minutes, but he was able to stop all of them, including a three on one breakaway that Nicholas Pselluso wasn't able to lift over Martin in the eighty-seventh minute.

Milchama is the next squad for the surprising overachieving Marauders, and for once in the knockouts, the national team looks to be the favorite. Yet they may not want that title as many of the favorites in the knockouts have been toppled thus far into the competition. Having defeated the Gnomes in the quarterfinals, the Milchama squad clearly can not be underestimated, espicially after Az-cz had completely devestated the backline of the Marauders in their group stage affair. The offence continues to be an unusual worry for the Marauders, despite the two goals this match, it really needs to come around if the squad is to now have title hopes. Martin has been solid in net and the backline has steadied itself out to be efficient and shutting openents down when they need to. If this play can stay at the level and the offence refinds its' spark, then this could be a championship come two weeks from now.

Predictions
Commerce Heights v Ariddia
Elves Security Forces v Milchama

Elves Security Forces 2
Kiso Night (12, 61)

The Holy Empire 1
Alfredo Botaniates (76)

Article Ron Santapa

Cafundeu

10-05-2007, 02:47

“INVESTIGATIONS MAY BE COMING TO AN END”

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Cafundéu's army agents searching for suspects

After starting the search for the groups hired by the football haters that kidnapped The Scout, Cafundéu started to come close to the enemies. With all the information given by the mercenaries involved in a shooting days ago, Cafundéu started to know what to do to capture the kidnappers. Unfortunately, the second deadline ended, and the country was obligated to pay more five million vintéms to the kidnappers of The Scout.

But this time Cafundéu made a better plan. The money was deposited, but the army could know the third account where the money was sent. As the kidnappers are split in two groups, the group commanded by Lars Winnear will be divided in two too. In these two places, the agents will probably end with the situation and bring The Scout back safely.

"They won't have even time to hear these news. We know where they are. A group of agents will go to Ariddia, and the other one will go to Bazalonia. We don't know what they want to do in these places, but they're there. Another important thing is that the Alasdair I Frosticus's agents already arrested some spies to this group in the Dreamed Realm, and I think that there are no more in the country."

The "final assault" planned by the General surely is the most important action that will be made by Cafundéu, but other groups are working on other things related to the kidnappers. Cafundéu's army could find the group of crazy prophets, and captured them. They were in Cafundéu, in the city of Abadia. Only one escaped, but probably won't be able to go to one of the host countries.

The army also knows the location of the group of perverted nudists. "They're in Ariddia, in the arctic islands. We are only waiting to get an official permission from Ariddia to go to the islands with modern vehicles and arrest them too. An interesting thing is that these groups had many difficulties and couldn't invade the Dreamed Realm, so they decided to invade Ariddia instead."

The agents are close to capturing the remaining groups hired by the kidnappers, and can soon find the kidnappers.

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“CAFUNDÉU ANNOUNCES NEW COACH”

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Alfonso Neves (on left) is the new coach of the NT

Cafundéu announced who will be the new coach of the National Team after the resignation of David Nefasto. It'll be Alfredo Neves, current coach of Cafundó do Juta, team which won last season's National League. Alfredo Neves is a famous and efficient coach, and ready to make a good job for the National Team.

He'll only take the job after the end of this season, as he wants to win another title for Cafundó do Juta. About David Nefasto, he will have to wait for a job in another team of the domestic league.

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“VAN-DER-LEI WILL HAVE POLICE PROTECTION IN ARIDDIA”

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Van-Der-Lei is ready to whistle (or shout) such an important game

A famous person of Cafundéu will be on focus during the semifinals of the World Cup. It's the funny referee Van-Der-Lei, the most respected of the country. He was chosen to whistle the semifinal of the World Cup between Ariddia and Commerce Heights. He is excited to whistle the most important game of his life, but a bit worried too.

"I received some threats", he said. "I don't know who made that, but I'm worried". Because of that, the CCFM sent some personal security guards to protect Van-Der-Lei, to make sure that he'll be able to whistle the game with security and without fear. Ariddian officials made sure that the security in the stadium is sufficient, and that Cafundéu didn't need to send these guards, but they'll let them protect the referee.

Some people suspect that these threats were made by The Scout's kidnappers, in a desperate attempt to remove some attention from them. This way, Cafundéu's police would be worried with Van-Der-Lei, and they'd have more chances to escape. The General Lars Winnear admits that this is possible, but said: "We need to be cautious, so a bit more protection on Van-Der-Lei won't harm us."

Van-Der-Lei is known as a funny referee, who doesn't use his whistle, shouting when he sees a foul or an offside. He makes strange gestures to show cards to players, and usually doesn't want to discuss with coaches. He said: "It's a big game. Ariddia and Commerce Heights are two superpowers of football, so maybe I won't make so many jokes during the game."

Jeruselem

10-05-2007, 17:44

Jeruselem Government News

Wayne Wastle's looking glass

Hi TV viewers, it's going to be hectic time for TV people. Firstly we have the World Cup 34 semifinals and final, which people love to watch despite Dazza's motley crew already gone home. JGN will not have Dazza there covering it live, but JGN will still be having it's normal World Cup final show - hosted by Jeruselem coach Dazza Dallas, me and a bunch of football people. we all know It's not World Cup 32 final but it's still good viewing.

No Bettia or Jeruselem in the final but we'll be cheering on either Ariddia or Milchama! If both make the final, then Ariddia. Dazza likes Ariddia, probably because she had her kid there. Speaking of kids, Dazza turned up at my place with the new baby and mini-Dazza Kate, and the wife wants another kid now. No wonder, they call Dazza the Goddess of Love.

Err, Dazza dropped by with a note for this article. What's going to happen is when the World Cup is over and done, she's got a World Cup final DazMania for those still awake on the same day. Apparently this show will be different, they are redoing the entire set for just this show.

Dazza Dallas has also left Jeruselem United as assistant coach to pursue her media interests further. She is still Jeruselem coach so that hasn't changed for now. So if you want to be the Jerusalem United Assistant Coach, here's your chance! She will still help out at her club but she's really getting into the TV industry these days.

Two weeks after the World Cup 34 final, Harry Kool will have his funeral. The Kool family have apparently declined the offer to name the Jerusalem United Stadium to the Harry Kool Stadium. They'd prefer a more deserving person - and we all know who it is.

Then we have Dinkie Dosha's wedding later. This one is private but you-know-who is bridesmaid. Dinkie's a lovely girl without the vices of her senior tutor. Her husband to be is a son of football club owner, so she's done really well. Apparently, they couldn't find a nice car for the couple to drive around in. OK, they were picky and wanted yellow Lamborghini each, and NONE in Jerusalem? No - guess who had all of them, Dazza. Dazza let the couple borrow her cars (on condition they didn't trash them). I did hear Dinkie drives like she shoots goals, and that's scary!

Don't miss Top Gear Jeruselem! Debbie Dallas is the special guest and talks about her family, 12 kids, her crazy sister and football. Just a spoiler, Debbie is not fast driver and does not topple Dazza as speed Queen of the track.

You may see mob of people in white outside protesting about JGN from time to time. Those are just bunch of wackos wanting our network to turn into some holier-than-thou TV network. If we did, we'd go broke. Actually, an accountant told me if we sacked Dazza now, ratings would drop really badly. She went on holidays for a month once, and JGN ratings fell until she returned. These people used to protest outside Dazza's place until Rashina Dallas turned up a loaded M16 and a few army friends with their guns shouting "Target practice".

Oh yes, if you see a zany blonde girl on DazMania who looks a bit like me, it's probably my daughter. She's trying her luck to be the new female host to replace Dazza Dallas and I think she might win this one. She's been trying to get on TV for while but only in token advertisements and as a model on quiz shows but never as a host. The poor girl just does not get a chance and she's not the type who sleep her way into favour. You think Dazza makes bad jokes? My daughter is worse! She really likes green compared to pink which is Dazza's preference. Considering the pink set used on the show, green and pink are not good combination.

Well, that's it from me. I have to my daughter a crash course about football to help her get the DazMania job.

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